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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2), by
+Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2)
+
+
+Author: Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange
+
+
+
+Release Date: July 25, 2006  [eBook #18906]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2
+(OF 2)***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Barbara Tozier, Bill Tozier, Janet Blenkinship, and the
+Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+(http://www.pgdp.net/)
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+
+   The letter "e" with a macron is rendered [=e] in this text.
+
+   The astute reader will notice there is no Chapter XV in the
+   Table of Contents or in the text. This was a printer's error
+   in the original book.  The chapters were incorrectly numbered,
+   but no chapter was missing. This e-book has been transcribed
+   to match the original.
+
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR
+
+With an Introduction upon Ancient Humour.
+
+by
+
+THE REV. A. G. L'ESTRANGE,
+
+Author of
+"The Life of the Rev. William Harness,"
+"From the Thames to the Tamar,"
+Etc.
+
+In Two Volumes.
+
+Vol. II.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+London:
+Hurst and Blackett, Publishers,
+13, Great Marlborough Street.
+1878.
+All rights reserved.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+
+  CHAPTER I.
+
+  Burlesque--Parody--The "Splendid Shilling"--Prior--Pope--Ambrose
+  Philips--Parodies of Gray's Elegy--Gay                               1
+
+
+  CHAPTER II.
+
+  Defoe--Irony--Ode to the Pillory--The "Comical Pilgrim"--The
+  "Scandalous Club"--Humorous Periodicals--Heraclitus
+  Ridens--The London Spy--The British
+  Apollo                                                              22
+
+
+  CHAPTER III.
+
+  Swift--"Tale of a Tub"--Essays--Gulliver's Travels--Variety
+  of Swift's Humour--Riddles--Stella's Wit--Directions
+  for Servants--Arbuthnot                                             44
+
+
+  CHAPTER IV.
+
+  Steele--The Funeral--The Tatler--Contributions of Swift--Of
+  Addison--Expansive Dresses--"Bodily Wit"--Rustic
+  Obtuseness--Crosses in Love--Snuff-taking                           62
+
+
+  CHAPTER V.
+
+  Spectator--The Rebus--Injurious Wit--The Everlasting
+  Club--The Lovers' Club--Castles in the Air--The
+  Guardian--Contributions by Pope--"The Agreeable
+  Companion"--The Wonderful Magazine--Joe Miller--Pivot
+  Humour                                                              77
+
+
+  CHAPTER VI.
+
+  Sterne--His Versatility--Dramatic Form--Indelicacy--Sentiment
+  and Geniality--Letters to his Wife--Extracts
+  from his Sermons--Dr. Johnson                                       99
+
+
+  CHAPTER VII.
+
+  Dodsley--"A Muse in Livery"--"The Devil's a Dunce"--"The
+  Toy Shop"--Fielding--Smollett                                      113
+
+
+  CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  Cowper--Lady Austen's Influence--"John Gilpin"--"The
+  Task"--Goldsmith--"The Citizen of the World"--Humorous
+  Poems--Quacks--Baron Münchausen                                    127
+
+
+  CHAPTER IX.
+
+  The Anti-Jacobin--Its Objects and Violence--"The
+  Friends of Freedom"--Imitation of Latin Lyrics--The
+  "Knife Grinder"--The "Progress of Man"                             141
+
+
+  CHAPTER X.
+
+  Wolcott--Writes against the Academicians--Tales of a
+  Hoy--"New Old Ballads"--"The Sorrows of Sunday"--Ode
+  to a Pretty Barmaid--Sheridan--Comic Situations--"The
+  Duenna"--Wits                                                      150
+
+
+  CHAPTER XI.
+
+  Southey--Drolls of Bartholomew Fair--The "Doves"--Typographical
+  Devices--Puns--Poems of Abel Shufflebottom                         164
+
+
+  CHAPTER XII.
+
+  Lamb--His Farewell to Tobacco--Pink Hose--On the
+  Melancholy of Tailors--Roast Pig                                   175
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  Byron--Vision of Judgment--Lines to Hodgson--Beppo--Humorous
+  Rhyming--Profanity of the Age                                      184
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  Theodore Hook--Improvisatore Talent--Poetry--Sydney
+  Smith--The "Dun Cow"--Thomas Hood--Gin--Tylney
+  Hall--John Trot--Barham's Legends                                  196
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  Douglas Jerrold--Liberal Politics--Advantages of Ugliness--Button
+  Conspiracy--Advocacy of Dirt--The "Genteel
+  Pigeons"                                                           207
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  Thackeray--His Acerbity--The Baronet--The Parson--Medical
+  Ladies--Glorvina--"A Serious Paradise"                             216
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  Dickens--Sympathy with the Poor--Vulgarity--Geniality--Mrs.
+  Gamp--Mixture of Pathos and Humour--Lever
+  and Dickens compared--Dickens' power of Description--General
+  Remarks                                                            226
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  Variation--Constancy--Influence of Temperament--Of
+  Observation--Bulls--Want   of Knowledge--Effects
+  of Emotion--Unity of the Sense of the Ludicrous                    241
+
+
+  CHAPTER XX.
+
+  Definition--Difficulties of forming one of Humour                  276
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  Charm of Mystery--Complication--Poetry and Humour
+  compared--Exaggeration                                             285
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXII.
+
+  Imperfection--An Impression of Falsity implied--Two
+  Views taken by Philosophers--Firstly that of Voltaire,
+  Jean Paul, Brown, the German Idealists, Léon Dumont,
+  Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and Dugald
+  Stewart--Whately on Jests--Nature of Puns--Effect of
+  Custom and Habit--Accessory Emotion--Disappointment
+  and Loss--Practical Jokes                                          307
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+  Nomenclature--Three Classes of Words--Distinction between
+  Wit and Humour--Wit sometimes dangerous,
+  generally innocuous                                                339
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Burlesque--Parody--The "Splendid Shilling"--Prior--Pope--Ambrose
+  Philips--Parodies of Gray's Elegy--Gay.
+
+
+Burlesque, that is comic imitation, comprises parody and caricature. The
+latter is a valuable addition to humorous narrative, as we see in the
+sketches of Gillray, Cruikshank and others. By itself it is not
+sufficiently suggestive and affords no story or conversation. Hence in
+the old caricatures the speeches of the characters were written in
+balloons over their heads, and in the modern an explanation is added
+underneath. For want of such assistance we lose the greater part of the
+humour in Hogarth's paintings.
+
+We may date the revival of Parody from the fifteenth century, although
+Dr. Johnson speaks as though it originated with Philips. Notwithstanding
+the great scope it affords for humorous invention, it has never become
+popular, nor formed an important branch of literature; perhaps, because
+the talent of the parodist always suffered from juxtaposition with that
+of his original. In its widest sense parody is little more than
+imitation, but as we should not recognise any resemblance without the
+use of the same form, it always implies a similarity in words or style.
+Sometimes the thoughts are also reproduced, but this is not sufficient,
+and might merely constitute a summary or translation. The closer the
+copy the better the parody, as where Pope's lines
+
+  "Here shall the spring its earliest sweets bestow
+  Here the first roses of the year shall blow,"
+
+were applied by Catherine Fanshawe to the Regent's Park with a very
+slight change--
+
+  "Here shall the spring its earliest coughs bestow,
+  Here the first noses of the year shall blow."
+
+But all parody is not travesty, for a writing may be parodied without
+being ridiculed. This was notably the case in the Centones,[1] Scripture
+histories in the phraseology of Homer and Virgil, which were written by
+the Christians in the fourth century, in order that they might be able
+to teach at once classics and religion. From the pious object for which
+they were first designed, they degenerated into fashionable exercises of
+ingenuity, and thus we find the Emperor Valentinian composing some on
+marriage, and requesting, or rather commanding Ausonius to contend with
+him in such compositions. They were regarded as works of fancy--a sort
+of literary embroidery.
+
+It may be questioned whether any of these parodies were intended to
+possess humour; but wherever we find such as have any traces of it, we
+may conclude that the imitation has been adopted to increase it. This
+does not necessarily amount to travesty, for the object is not always to
+throw contempt on the original. Thus, we cannot suppose "The Battle of
+the Frogs and Mice," or "The Banquet of Matron,"[2] although written in
+imitation of the heroic poetry of Homer, was intended to make "The
+Iliad" appear ridiculous, but rather that the authors thought to make
+their conceits more amusing, by comparing what was most insignificant
+with something of unsurpassable grandeur. The desire to gain influence
+from the prescriptive forms of great writings was the first incentive to
+parody. We cannot suppose that Luther intended to be profane when he
+imitated the first psalm--
+
+     "Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the way of the
+     Sacramentarians, not sat in the seat of the Zuinglians, or followed
+     the counsel of the Zurichers."
+
+Probably Ben Jonson saw nothing objectionable in the quaintly whimsical
+lines in Cynthia's Revels--
+
+  _Amo._ From Spanish shrugs, French faces, smirks, irps,
+  and all affected humours.
+
+          _Chorus._ Good Mercury defend us.
+
+  _Pha._ From secret friends, sweet servants, loves, doves,
+  and such fantastique humours.
+
+          _Chorus._ Good Mercury defend us.
+
+The same charitable allowance may be conceded to the songs composed by
+the Cavaliers in the Civil War. We should not be surprised to find a
+tone of levity in them, but they were certainly not intended to throw
+any discredit on our Church. In "The Rump, or an exact collection of the
+choicest poems and songs relating to the late times from 1639" we have
+"A Litany for the New Year," of which the following will serve as a
+specimen--
+
+  "From Rumps, that do rule against customes and laws
+  From a fardle of fancies stiled a good old cause,
+  From wives that have nails that are sharper than claws,
+                Good Jove deliver us."
+
+Among the curious tracts collected by Lord Somers we find a "New
+Testament of our Lords and Saviours, the House of our Lords and
+Saviours, the House of Commons, and the Supreme Council at Windsor." It
+gives "The Genealogy of the Parliament" from the year 1640 to 1648, and
+commences "The Book of the Generation of Charles Pim, the son of Judas,
+the son of Beelzebub," and goes on to state in the thirteenth verse that
+"King Charles being a just man, and not willing to have the people
+ruinated, was minded to dissolve them, (the Parliament), but while he
+thought on these things. &c."
+
+Of the same kind was the parody of Charles Hanbury Williams at the
+commencement of the last century, "Old England's Te Deum"--the character
+of which may be conjectured from the first line
+
+     "We complain of Thee, O King, we acknowledge thee to be a
+     Hanoverian."
+
+Sometimes parodies of this kind had even a religious object, as when Dr.
+John Boys, Dean of Canterbury in the reign of James I., in his zeal,
+untempered with wisdom, attacked the Romanists by delivering a form of
+prayer from the pulpit commencing--
+
+  "Our Pope which art in Rome, cursed be thy name,"
+
+and ending,
+
+  "For thine is the infernal pitch and sulphur for ever and ever. Amen."
+
+"The Religious Recruiting Bill" was written with a pious intention, as
+was also the Catechism by Mr. Toplady, a clergyman, aimed at throwing
+contempt upon Lord Chesterfield's code of morality. It is almost
+impossible to draw a hard and fast line between travesty and harmless
+parody--the feelings of the public being the safest guide. But to
+associate Religion with anything low is offensive, even if the object in
+view be commendable.
+
+Some parodies of Scripture are evidently not intended to detract from
+its sanctity, as, for instance, the attack upon sceptical philosophy
+which lately appeared in an American paper, pretending to be the
+commencement of a new Bible "suited to the enlightenment of the age,"
+and beginning--
+
+     "Primarily the unknowable moved upon kosmos and evolved protoplasm.
+
+     "And protoplasm was inorganic and undifferentiated, containing all
+     things in potential energy: and a spirit of evolution moved upon
+     the fluid mass.
+
+     "And atoms caused other atoms to attract: and their contact begat
+     light, heat, and electricity.
+
+     "And the unconditioned differentiated the atoms, each after its
+     kind and their combination begat rocks, air, and water.
+
+     "And there went out a spirit of evolution and working in protoplasm
+     by accretion and absorption produced the organic cell.
+
+     "And the cell by nutrition evolved primordial germ, and germ
+     devolved protogene, and protogene begat eozoon and eozoon begat
+     monad and monad begot animalcule ..."
+
+We are at first somewhat at a loss to understand what made the "Splendid
+Shilling" so celebrated: it is called by Steele the finest burlesque in
+the English language. Although far from being, as Dr. Johnson asserts,
+the first parody, it is undoubtedly a work of talent, and was more
+appreciated in 1703 than it can be now, being recognised as an imitation
+of Milton's poems which were then becoming celebrated.[3] Reading it at
+the present day, we should scarcely recognise any parody; but blank
+verse was at that time uncommon, although the Italians were beginning to
+protest against the gothic barbarity of rhyme, and Surrey had given in
+his translation of the first and fourth books of Virgil a specimen of
+the freer versification.
+
+Meres says that "Piers Plowman was the first that observed the true
+quality of our verse without the curiositie of rime" but he was not
+followed.
+
+The new character of the "Splendid Shilling" caused it to bring more
+fame to its author than has been gained by any other work so short and
+simple. It was no doubt an inspiration of the moment, and was written by
+John Philips at the age of twenty. There is considerable freshness and
+strength in the poem, which commences--
+
+  "Happy the man, who void of cares and strife
+  In silken or in leathern purse retains
+  A splendid shilling: he nor hears with pain
+  New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale;
+  But with his friends, when nightly mists arise
+  To Juniper's Magpie or Town Hall[4] repairs.
+  Meanwhile he smokes and laughs at merry tale,
+  Or pun ambiguous or conumdrum quaint;
+  But I, whom griping penury surrounds,
+  And hunger sure attendant upon want,
+  With scanty offals, and small acid tiff
+  (Wretched repast!) my meagre corps sustain:
+  Then solitary walk or doze at home
+  In garret vile, and with a warming puff.
+  Regale chilled fingers, or from tube as black
+  As winter chimney, or well polished jet
+  Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent."
+
+He goes on to relate how he is besieged by duns, and what a chasm there
+is in his "galligaskins." He wrote very little altogether, but produced
+a piece called "Blenheim," and a sort of Georgic entitled "Cyder."
+
+Prior, like many other celebrated men, partly owed his advancement to an
+accidental circumstance. He was brought up at his uncle's tavern "The
+Rummer," situate at Charing Cross--then a kind of country suburb of the
+city, and adjacent to the riverside mansions and ornamental gardens of
+the nobility. To this convenient inn the neighbouring magnates were wont
+to resort, and one day in accordance with the classic proclivities of
+the times, a hot dispute, arose among them about the rendering of a
+passage in Horace. One of those present said that as they could not
+settle the question, they had better ask young Prior, who then was
+attending Westminster School. He had made good use of his opportunities,
+and answered the question so satisfactorily that Lord Dorset there and
+then undertook to send him to Cambridge. He became a fellow of St.
+John's, and Lord Dorset afterwards introduced him at Court, and obtained
+for him the post of secretary of Legation at the Hague, in which office
+he gave so much satisfaction to William III. that he made him one of his
+gentlemen of the bed chamber. He became afterwards Secretary of the Lord
+Lieutenant of Ireland, Ambassador in France, and Under Secretary of
+State.
+
+During his two year's imprisonment by the Whigs on a charge of high
+treason--from which he was liberated without a trial--he prepared a
+collection of his works, for which he obtained a large sum of money. He
+then retired from office, but died shortly afterwards in his
+fifty-eighth year.
+
+Prior is remarkable for his exquisite lightness and elegance of style,
+well suited to the pretty classical affectations of the day. He delights
+in cupids, nymphs, and flowers. In two or three places, perhaps, he
+verges upon indelicacy, but conceals it so well among feathers and rose
+leaves, that we may half pardon it. Although always sprightly he is not
+often actually humorous, but we may quote the following advice to a
+husband from the "English Padlock"
+
+  "Be to her virtues very kind,
+  And to her faults a little blind,
+  Let all her ways be unconfined,
+  And clap your padlock on her mind."
+
+  "Yes; ev'ry poet is a fool;
+  By demonstration Ned can show it;
+  Happy could Ned's inverted rule,
+  Prove ev'ry fool to be a poet."
+
+  "How old may Phyllis be, you ask,
+  Whose beauty thus all hearts engages?
+  To answer is no easy task,
+  For she has really two ages.
+
+  "Stiff in brocade and pinched in stays,
+  Her patches, paint, and jewels on:
+  All day let envy view her face,
+  And Phyllis is but twenty-one.
+
+  "Paint, patches, jewels, laid aside,
+  At night astronomers agree,
+  The evening has the day belied,
+  And Phyllis is some forty-three."
+
+  "Helen was just slipt from bed,
+  Her eyebrows on the toilet lay,
+  Away the kitten with them fled,
+  As fees belonging to her prey."
+
+  "For this misfortune, careless Jane,
+  Assure yourself, was soundly rated:
+  And Madam getting up again,
+  With her own hand the mouse-trap baited.
+
+  "On little things as sages write,
+  Depends our human joy or sorrow;
+  If we don't catch a mouse to-night,
+  Alas! no eyebrows for to-morrow."
+
+He wrote the following impromptu epitaph on himself--
+
+  "Nobles and heralds by your leave,
+  Here lies what once was Matthew Prior,
+  The son of Adam and of Eve,
+  Can Bourbon or Nassau go higher."
+
+But he does not often descend to so much levity as this, his wing is
+generally in a higher atmosphere. Sir Walter Scott observes that in the
+powers of approaching and touching the finer feelings of the heart, he
+has never been excelled, if indeed he has ever been equalled.
+
+Prior wrote a parody called "Erle Robert's Mice," but Pope is more
+prolific than any other poet in such productions. His earlier taste
+seems to have been for imitation, and he wrote good parodies on Waller
+and Cowley, and a bad travesty on Spencer. "January and May" and "The
+Wife of Bath" are founded upon Chaucer's Tales. Pope did not generally
+indulge in travesty, his object was not to ridicule his original, but
+rather to assist himself by borrowing its style. His productions are the
+best examples of parodies in this latter and better sense. Thus, he
+thought to give a classic air to his satires on the foibles of his time
+by arranging them upon the models of those of Horace. In his imitation
+of the second Satire of the second Book we have--
+
+  "He knows to live who keeps the middle state,
+  And neither leans on this side nor on that,
+  Nor stops for one bad cork his butler's pay,
+  Swears, like Albutius, a good cook away,
+  Nor lets, like Nævius, every error pass,
+  The musty wine, foul cloth, or greasy glass."
+
+There is a slight amount of humour in these adaptations, and it seems to
+have been congenial to the poets mind. Generally he was more turned to
+philosophy, and the slow measures he adopted were more suited to the
+dignified and pompous, than to the playful and gay. Occasionally,
+however, there is some sparkle in his lines, and, we read in "The Rape
+of the Lock"--
+
+  "Now love suspends his golden scales in air,
+  Weighs the men's wits against the lady's hair,
+  The doubtful beam long nods from side to side,
+  At length the wits mount up, the hairs subside."
+
+Again, his friend Mrs. Blount found London rather dull than gay--
+
+  "She went to plain work and to purling brooks,
+  Old-fashioned halls, dull aunts, and croaking rooks,
+  She went from opera, park, assembly, play,
+  To morning walks and prayers three hours a day,
+  To part her time 'twixt reading and bohea,
+  To muse and spill her solitary tea,
+  Or o'er cold coffee trifle with a spoon,
+  Count the slow clock, and dine exact at noon,
+  Divert her eyes with pictures in the fire,
+  Hum half a tune, tell stories to the Squire,
+  Up to her Godly garret after seven,
+  There starve and pray--for that's the way to Heaven."
+
+He was seldom able to bring a humorous sketch to the close without
+something a little objectionable. Often inclined to err on the side of
+severity, he was one of those instances in which we find acrimonious
+feeling associated with physical infirmity. "The Dunciad" is the
+principal example of this, but we have many others--such as the epigram:
+
+  "You beat your pate and fancy wit will come,
+  Knock as you please, there's nobody at home."
+
+At one time he was constantly extolling the charms of Lady Wortley
+Montagu in every strain of excessive adulation. He wrote sonnets upon
+her, and told her she had robbed the whole tree of knowledge. But when
+the ungrateful fair rejected her little crooked admirer, he completely
+changed his tone, and descended to lampoon of this kind--
+
+  "Lady Mary said to me, and in her own house,
+  I do not care for you three skips of a louse;
+  I forgive the dear creature for what she has said,
+  For ladies will talk of what runs in their head."
+
+He is supposed to have attacked Addison under the name of Atticus. He
+says that "like the Turk he would bear no brother near the throne," but
+that he would
+
+  "View him with scornful, yet with jealous eyes,
+  And hate for arts that caused himself to rise,
+  Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
+  And with our sneering teach the rest to sneer;
+  Willing to wound and yet afraid to strike,
+  Just hint a fault and hesitate dislike,
+  Alike reserved to blame or to commend,
+  A tim'rous foe, and a suspicious friend,
+  Dreading e'en fools, by flatterers besieged,
+  And so obleeging that he ne'er obleeged."
+
+Pope at first praised Ambrose Philips, and said he was "a man who could
+write very nobly," but afterwards they became rivals, and things went so
+far between them that Pope called Philips "a rascal," and Philips hung
+up a rod with which he said he would chastise Pope. He probably had
+recourse to this kind of argument, because he felt that he was worsted
+by his adversary in wordy warfare, having little talent in satire. In
+fact, his attempts in this direction were particularly clumsy as--"On a
+company of bad dancers to good music."
+
+  "How ill the motion with the music suits!
+  So Orpheus fiddled, and so danced the brutes."
+
+Still there is a gaiety and lightness about many of his pieces. The
+following is a specimen of his favourite style. Italian singers, lately
+introduced, seem to have been regarded by many with disfavour and alarm.
+
+
+  TO SIGNORA CUZZONI.
+
+  "Little syren of the stage,
+  Charmer of an idle age,
+  Empty warbler, breathing lyre,
+  Wanton gale of fond desire,
+  Bane of every manly art,
+  Sweet enfeebler of the heart;
+  O! too pleasing is thy strain,
+  Hence, to southern climes again,
+  Tuneful mischief, vocal spell,
+  To this island bid farewell,
+  Leave us, as we ought to be,
+  Leave the Britons rough and free."
+
+To parody a work is to pay it a compliment, though perhaps
+unintentionally, for if it were not well known the point of the
+imitation would be lost. Thus, the general appreciation of Gray's
+"Elegy" called forth several humorous parodies of it about the middle
+of the last century. The following is taken from one by the Rev. J.
+Duncombe, Vicar of Bishop Ridley's old church at Herne in Kent. It is
+entitled "An Evening Contemplation in a College."
+
+  "The curfew tolls the hour of closing gates,
+  With jarring sound the porter turns the key,
+  Then in his dreamy mansion, slumbering waits,
+  And slowly, sternly quits it--though for me.
+
+  "Now shine the spires beneath the paly moon,
+  And through the cloister peace and silence reign,
+  Save where some fiddler scrapes a drowsy tune,
+  Or copious bowls inspire a jovial strain.
+
+  "Save that in yonder cobweb-mantled room,
+  Where lies a student in profound repose,
+  Oppressed with ale; wide echoes through the gloom,
+  The droning music of his vocal nose.
+
+  "Within those walls, where through the glimmering shade,
+  Appear the pamphlets in a mouldering heap,
+  Each in his narrow bed till morning laid,
+  The peaceful fellows of the college sleep.
+
+  "The tinkling bell proclaiming early prayers,
+  The noisy servants rattling o'er their head,
+  The calls of business and domestic cares,
+  Ne'er rouse these sleepers from their drowsy bed.
+
+  "No chattering females crowd the social fire,
+  No dread have they of discord and of strife,
+  Unknown the names of husband and of sire,
+  Unfelt the plagues of matrimonial life.
+
+  "Oft have they basked along the sunny walls,
+  Oft have the benches bowed beneath their weight,
+  How jocund are their looks when dinner calls!
+  How smoke the cutlets on their crowded plate!
+
+  "Oh! let not Temperance too disdainful hear
+  How long their feasts, how long their dinners last;
+  Nor let the fair with a contemptuous sneer,
+  On these unmarried men reflections cast.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Far from the giddy town's tumultuous strife,
+  Their wishes yet have never learned to stray,
+  Content and happy in a single life,
+  They keep the noiseless tenor of their way.
+
+  "E'en now their books, from cobwebs to protect,
+  Inclosed by door of glass, in Doric style,
+  On polished pillars raised with bronzes decked,
+  Demand the passing tribute of a smile."
+
+Another parody of this famous Elegy published about the same date, has a
+less pleasant subject--the dangers and vices of the metropolis. It
+speaks of the activities of thieves.
+
+  "Oft to their subtlety the fob did yield,
+  Their cunning oft the pocket string hath broke,
+  How in dark alleys bludgeons did they wield!
+  How bowed the victim 'neath their sturdy stroke!
+
+  "Let not ambition mock their humble toil,
+  Their vulgar crimes and villainy obscure;
+  Nor rich rogues hear with a disdainful smile,
+  The low and petty knaveries of the poor.
+
+  "Beneath the gibbet's self perhaps is laid,
+  Some heart once pregnant with infernal fire,
+  Hands that the sword of Nero might have swayed,
+  And midst the carnage tuned the exulting lyre.
+
+  "Ambition to their eyes her ample page
+  Rich with such monstrous crimes did ne'er unroll,
+  Chill penury repressed their native rage,
+  And froze the bloody current of their soul.
+
+  "Full many a youth, fit for each horrid scene,
+  The dark and sooty flues of chimneys bear;
+  Full many a rogue is born to cheat unseen,
+  And dies unhanged for want of proper care."
+
+Gay dedicated his first poem to Pope, then himself a young man, and this
+led to an intimacy between them. In 1712 he held the office of Secretary
+to Ann, Duchess of Monmouth; and in 1714 he accompanied the Earl of
+Clarendon to Hanover. In this year he wrote a good travesty of Ambrose
+Philips' pastoral poetry, of which the following is a specimen--
+
+  _Lobbin Clout._ As Blouzelinda, in a gamesome mood,
+  Behind a hayrick loudly laughing stood,
+  I slily ran and snatched a hasty kiss;
+  She wiped her lips, nor took it much amiss.
+  Believe me, Cuddy, while I'm bold to say,
+  Her breath was sweeter than the ripened hay.
+
+  _Cuddy._ As my Buxoma in a morning fair,
+  With gentle finger stroked her milky care,
+  I quaintly stole a kiss; at first, 'tis true,
+  She frowned, yet after granted one or two.
+  Lobbin, I swear, believe who will my vow,
+  Her breath by far excelled the breathing cow.
+
+  _Lobbin._ Leek to the Welsh, to Dutchmen butter's dear,
+  Of Irish swains potato is the cheer,
+  Oats for their feasts the Scottish shepherds grind,
+  Sweet turnips are the food of Blouzelind;
+  While she loves turnips, butter I'll despise,
+  Nor leeks, nor oatmeal, nor potato prize.
+
+  _Cuddy._ In good roast beef my landlord sticks his knife,
+  And capon fat delights his dainty wife;
+  Pudding our parson eats, the squire loves hare,
+  But white-pot thick is my Buxoma's fare;
+  While she loves white-pot, capon ne'er shall be
+  Nor hare, nor beef, nor pudding, food for me.
+
+The following is not without point at the present day--
+
+
+  TO A LADY ON HER PASSION FOR OLD CHINA.
+
+  What ecstasies her bosom fire!
+  How her eyes languish with desire!
+  How blessed, how happy, should I be,
+  Were that fond glance bestowed on me!
+  New doubts and fears within me war,
+  What rival's here? A China jar!
+  China's the passion of her soul,
+  A cup, a plate, a dish, a bowl,
+  Can kindle wishes in her breast,
+  Inflame with joy, or break her rest.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  Husbands more covetous than sage,
+  Condemn this China-buying rage,
+  They count that woman's prudence little,
+  Who sets her heart on things so brittle;
+  But are those wise men's inclinations
+  Fixed on more strong, more sure foundations?
+  If all that's frail we must despise,
+  No human view or scheme is wise.
+
+Gay's humour is often injured by the introduction of low scenes, and
+disreputable accompaniments.
+
+"The Dumps," a lament of a forlorn damsel, is much in the same style as
+the Pastorals. It finishes with these lines--
+
+  "Farewell ye woods, ye meads, ye streams that flow,
+  A sudden death shall rid me of my woe,
+  This penknife keen my windpipe shall divide,
+  What, shall I fall as squeaking pigs have died?
+  No--to some tree this carcase I'll suspend;
+  But worrying curs find such untimely end!
+  I'll speed me to the pond, where the high stool,
+  On the long plank hangs o'er the muddy pool,
+  That stool, the dread of every scolding queen:
+  Yet sure a lover should not die, so mean!
+  Thus placed aloft I'll rave and rail by fits,
+  Though all the parish say I've lost my wits;
+  And thence, if courage holds, myself I'll throw,
+  And quench my passion in the lake below."
+
+He published in 1727 "The Beggar's Opera," the idea had been suggested
+by Swift. This is said to have given birth to the English Opera--the
+Italian having been already introduced here. This opera, or musical
+play, brought out by Mr. Rich, was so renumerative that it was a common
+saying that it made "Rich gay, and Gay rich."
+
+In "The Beggar's Opera" the humour turns on Polly falling in love with
+a highwayman. Peachum gives an amusing account of the gang. Among them
+is Harry Paddington--"a poor, petty-larceny rascal, without the least
+genius; that fellow, though he were to live these six months would never
+come to the gallows with any credit--and Tom Tipple, a guzzling, soaking
+sot, who is always too drunk to stand, or make others stand. A cart is
+absolutely necessary for him." Peachum, and his wife lament over their
+daughter Polly's choice of Captain Macheath. There are numerous songs,
+such as that of Mrs. Peachum beginning--
+
+  "Our Polly is a sad slut! nor heeds what we have taught her,
+  I wonder any man alive will ever rear a daughter."
+
+Polly, contemplating the possibility of Macheath's being hanged
+exclaims--
+
+     "Now, I'm a wretch indeed. Methinks, I see him already in the cart,
+     sweeter and more lovely than the nosegay in his hand! I hear the
+     crowd extolling his resolution and intrepidity! What volleys of
+     sighs are sent down from the windows of Holborn, that so comely a
+     youth should be brought to disgrace. I see him at the tree! the
+     whole circle are in tears! even butchers weep! Jack Ketch himself
+     hesitates to perform his duty, and would be glad to lose his fee by
+     a reprieve. What then will become of Polly?"
+
+To Macheath
+
+     Were you sentenced to transportation, sure, my dear, you could not
+     leave me behind you?
+
+     _Mac._ "Is there any power, any force, that could tear thee from me.
+     You might sooner tear a pension out of the hands of a courtier, a
+     fee from a lawyer, a pretty woman from a looking-glass, or any
+     woman from quadrille."[5]
+
+Gay may have taken his idea of writing fables from Dryden whose
+classical reading tempted him in two or three instances to indulge in
+such fancies. They were clever and in childhood appeared humorous to us,
+but we have long ceased to be amused by them, owing to their excessive
+improbability. Such ingenuity seems misplaced, we see more absurdity
+than talent in representing a sheep as talking to a wolf. To us fables
+now present, not what is strange and difficult of comprehension, but
+mentally fanciful folly. In some few instances in La Fontaine and Gay,
+the wisdom of the lessons atones for the strangeness of their garb, and
+the peculiarity of the dramatis personæ may tend to rivet them in our
+minds. There is something also fresh and pleasant in the scenes of
+country life which they bring before us. But the taste for such conceits
+is irrevocably gone, and every attempt to revive it, even when
+recommended by such ingenuity and talent as that of Owen Meredith, only
+tends to prove the fact more incontestably. In Russia, a younger nation
+than ours, the fables of Kriloff had a considerable sale at the
+beginning of this century, but they had a political meaning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Defoe--Irony--Ode to the Pillory--The "Comical Pilgrim"--The "Scandalous
+  Club"--Humorous Periodicals--Heraclitus Ridens--The London Spy--The
+  British Apollo.
+
+
+Defoe was born in 1663, and was the son of a butcher in St. Giles'. He
+first distinguished himself by writing in 1699 a poetical satire
+entitled "The True Born Englishman," in honour of King William and the
+Dutch, and in derision of the nobility of this country, who did not much
+appreciate the foreign court. The poem abounded with rough and rude
+sarcasm. After giving an uncomplimentary description of the English, he
+proceeds to trace their descent--
+
+  "These are the heroes that despise the Dutch
+  And rail at new-come foreigners so much,
+  Forgetting that themselves are all derived
+  From the most scoundrel race that ever lived;
+  A horrid race of rambling thieves and drones
+  Who ransacked kingdoms and dispeopled towns;
+  The Pict and painted Briton, treacherous Scot,
+  By hunger, theft, and rapine hither brought;
+  Norwegian pirates, buccaneering Danes,
+  Whose red-haired offspring everywhere remains;
+  Who joined with Norman-French compound the breed
+  From whence your true-born Englishmen proceed.
+  Dutch, Walloons, Flemings, Irishmen, and Scots,
+  Vaudois, and Valtolins and Huguenots,
+  In good Queen Bess's charitable reign,
+  Supplied us with three hundred thousand men;
+  Religion--God we thank! sent them hither,
+  Priests, protestants, the devil, and all together."
+
+The first part concludes with a view of the low origin of some of our
+nobles.
+
+  "Innumerable city knights we know
+  From Bluecoat hospitals and Bridewell flow,
+  Draymen and porters fill the City chair,
+  And footboys magisterial purple wear.
+  Fate has but very small distinction set
+  Betwixt the counter and the coronet.
+  Tarpaulin lords, pages of high renown
+  Rise up by poor men's valour, not their own;
+  Great families of yesterday we show
+  And lords, whose parents were the Lord knows who."
+
+So much keen and clever invective levelled at the higher classes of
+course had its reward in a wide circulation; but we are surprised to
+hear that the King noticed it with favour; the author was honoured with
+a personal interview, and became a still stronger partizan of the court.
+Defoe called the "True Born Englishman",
+
+                "A contradiction
+  In speech an irony, in fact a fiction;"
+
+and we may observe that he was particularly fond of an indirect and
+covert style of writing. He thought that he could thus use his weapons
+to most advantage, but his disguise was seen through by his enemies as
+well as by his friends. Irony--the stating the reverse of what is meant,
+whether good or bad--is often resorted to by those treading on
+dangerous ground, and admits of two very different interpretations. It
+is especially ambiguous in writing, and should be used with caution.
+Defoe's "Shortest Way with the Dissenters" was first attributed to a
+High Churchman, but soon was recognised as the work of a Dissenter. He
+explained that he intended the opposite of what he had said, and was
+merely deprecating measures being taken against his brethren; but his
+enemies considered that his real object was to exasperate them against
+the Government. Even if taken ironically, it hardly seemed venial to
+call furiously for the extermination of heretics, or to raise such
+lamentation as, "Alas! for the Church of England! What with popery on
+one hand, and schismatics on the other, how has she been crucified
+between two thieves!" Experience had not then taught that it was better
+to let such effusions pass for what they were worth, and Defoe was
+sentenced to stand in the pillory, and suffer fine and imprisonment He
+does not seem to have been in such low spirits as we might have expected
+during his incarceration, for he employed part of his time in composing
+his "Hymn to the Pillory,"
+
+  "Hail hieroglyphic state machine,
+  Contrived to punish fancy in:
+  Men that are men in thee can feel no pain,
+  And all thy insignificants disdain."
+
+He continues in a strong course of invective against certain persons
+whom he thinks really worthy of being thus punished, and proceeds--
+
+  "But justice is inverted when
+    Those engines of the law,
+  Instead of pinching vicious men
+    Keep honest ones in awe:
+  Thy business is, as all men know,
+  To punish villains, not to make men so.
+
+  "Whenever then thou art prepared
+  To prompt that vice thou shouldst reward,
+  And by the terrors of thy grisly face,
+  Make men turn rogues to shun disgrace;
+  The end of thy creation is destroyed
+  Justice expires of course, and law's made void.
+
+  "Thou like the devil dost appear
+  Blacker than really thou art far,
+  A wild chimeric notion of reproach
+  Too little for a crime, for none too much,
+  Let none the indignity resent,
+  For crime is all the shame of punishment.
+  Thou bugbear of the law stand up and speak
+  Thy long misconstrued silence break,
+  Tell us who 'tis upon thy ridge stands there
+  So full of fault, and yet so void of fear,
+  And from the paper on his hat,
+  Let all mankind be told for what."
+
+These lines refer to his own condemnation, and the piece concludes,--
+
+  "Tell them the men who placed him here
+  Are friends unto the times,
+  But at a loss to find his guile
+  They can't commit his crimes."
+
+Defoe seems to have thoroughly imbibed the ascetic spirit of his
+brethren. He was fond of denouncing social as well as political
+vanities. The "Comical Pilgrim" contains a considerable amount of coarse
+humour, and in one place the supposed cynic inveighs against the drama,
+and describes the audience at a theatre--
+
+"The audience in the upper gallery is composed of lawyers, clerks,
+valets-de-chambre, exchange girls, chambermaids, and skip-kennels, who
+at the last act are let in gratis in favour to their masters being
+benefactors to the devil's servants. The middle gallery is taken up by
+the middling sort of people, as citizens, their wives and daughters, and
+other jilts. The boxes are filled with lords and ladies, who give money
+to see their follies exposed by fellows as wicked as themselves. And the
+pit, which lively represents the pit of hell, is crammed with those
+insignificant animals called beaux, whose character nothing but wonder
+and shame can compose; for a modern beau, you must know, is a pretty,
+neat, fantastic outside of a man, a well-digested bundle of costly
+vanities, and you may call him a volume of methodical errata bound in a
+gilt cover. He's a curiously wrought cabinet full of shells and other
+trumpery, which were much better quite empty than so emptily filled.
+He's a man's skin full of profaneness, a paradise full of weeds, a
+heaven full of devils, a Satan's bedchamber hung with arras of God's own
+making. He can be thought no better than a Promethean man; at best but a
+lump of animated dust kneaded into human shape, and if he has only such
+a thing as a soul it seems to be patched up with more vices than are
+patches in a poor Spaniard's coat. His general employment is to scorn
+all business, but the study of the modes and vices of the times, and you
+may look upon him as upon the painted sign of a man hung up in the air,
+only to be tossed to and fro with every wind of temptation and vanity."
+
+It would appear that servants had in his day many of the faults which
+characterise some of them at present. In "Everybody's Business is
+Nobody's Business" we have an amusing picture of the over-dressed maid
+of the period.
+
+"The apparel," he says, "of our women-servants should be next regulated,
+that we may know the mistress from the maid. I remember I was once put
+very much to the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him required
+to salute the ladies. I kissed the chamber-jade into the bargain, for
+she was as well dressed as the best. But I was soon undeceived by a
+general titter, which gave me the utmost confusion; nor can I believe
+myself the only person who has made such a mistake."
+
+Again "I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with
+idle compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not
+regarded her mistress in the least, but put on all the flirting airs
+imaginable. This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as in
+taverns, coffee houses, and places of public resort, where there are
+handsome barkeepers, &c. These creatures being puffed up with the
+fulsome flattery of a set of flies, which are continually buzzing about
+them, carry themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable--insomuch
+that you must speak to them with the utmost deference, or you are sure
+to be affronted. Being at a coffee-house the other day, where one of
+these ladies kept the bar, I bespoke a dish of rice tea, but Madam was
+so taken up with her sparks that she quite forgot it. I spoke for it
+again, and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting
+manner, not without a toss of the head, a contraction of the nostrils,
+and other impertinences, too many to enumerate. Seeing myself thus
+publickly insulted by such an animal, I could not choose but show my
+resentment. 'Woman,' said I sternly, 'I want a dish of rice tea, and not
+what your vanity and impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a
+gentleman and a customer, and serve me with what I call for. Keep your
+impertinent repartees and impudent behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm
+round your bar, and make you so vain of your blown carcass.' And indeed,
+I believe the insolence of this creature will ruin her master at last,
+by driving away men of sobriety and business, and making the place a den
+of vagabonds."
+
+In July, 1704, Defoe commenced a periodical which he called a "Review of
+the Affairs of France." It appeared twice, and afterwards three times a
+week. From the introduction, we might conclude that the periodical,
+though principally containing war intelligence, would be partly of a
+humorous nature. He says--
+
+"After our serious matters are over, we shall at the end of every paper
+present you with a little diversion, as anything occurs to make the
+world merry; and whether friend or foe, one party or another, if
+anything happens so scandalous as to require an open reproof, the world
+may meet with it there. Accordingly at the end of every paper we find
+'Advice for the Scandalous Club: A weekly history of Nonsense,
+Impertinence, Vice, and Debauchery.'" This contained a considerable
+amount of indelicacy, and the humour was too much connected with
+ephemeral circumstances of the times to be very amusing at the present
+day. The Scandalous Club was a kind of Court of Morals, before whom all
+kinds of offences were brought for judgment, and it also settled
+questions on love affairs in a very judicious manner. Some of the advice
+is prompted by letters asking for it, but it is probable that they were
+mostly fictitious and written by Defoe himself. Many of the shafts in
+this Review were directed against magistrates, and other men in
+authority. Thus we read in April 18, 1704:
+
+"An honest country fellow made a complaint to the Club that he had been
+set in the stocks by the Justice of the Peace without any manner of
+reason. He told them that he happened to get a little drunk one night at
+a fair, and being somewhat quarrelsome, had beaten a man in his
+neighbourhood, broke his windows, and two or three such odd tricks.
+'Well, friend,' said the Director of the Society, 'and was it for this
+the Justice set you in the stocks?' 'Yes!' replied the man. 'And don't
+you think you deserved it?' said the Director. 'Why, yes, Sir,' says the
+honest man; 'I had deserved it from you, if you had been the Justice,
+but I did not deserve it from Sir Edward--for it was not above a month
+before that he was so drunk that he fell into our mill-pond, and if I
+had not lugged him out he would have been drowned.' The Society told him
+he was a knave, and then voted 'that the Justice had done him no wrong
+in setting him in the stocks--but that he had done the nation wrong
+when he pulled him out of the pond,' and caused it to be entered in
+their books--'That Sir Edward was but an indifferent Justice of the
+Peace.'"
+
+Sometimes religious subjects are touched upon. The following may be
+interesting at the present day--
+
+"There happened a great and bloody fight this week, (July 18th 1704),
+between two ladies of quality, one a Roman Catholic, the other a
+Protestant; and as the matter had come to blows, and beauty was
+concerned in the quarrel, having been not a little defaced by the
+rudeness of the scratching sex, the neighbours were called in to part
+the fray, and upon debate the quarrel was referred to the Scandalous
+Club. The matter was this:
+
+"The Roman Catholic lady meets the Protestant lady in the Park, and
+found herself obliged every time she passed her to make a reverent
+curtsey, though she had no knowledge of her or acquaintance with her.
+The Protestant lady received it at first as a civility, but afterwards
+took it for a banter, and at last for an affront, and sends her woman to
+know the meaning of it. The Catholic lady returned for answer that she
+did not make her honours to the lady, for she knew no respect she
+deserved, but to the diamond cross she wore about her neck, which she,
+being a heretic, did not deserve to wear. The Protestant lady sent her
+an angry message, and withal some reflecting words upon the cross
+itself, which ended the present debate, but occasioned a solemn visit
+from the Catholic lady to the Protestant, where they fell into grievous
+disputes; and one word followed another till the Protestant lady offered
+some indignities to the jewel, took it from her neck and set her foot
+upon it--which so provoked the other lady that they fell to blows, till
+the waiting-women, having in vain attempted to part them, the footmen
+were fain to be called in. After they were parted, they ended the battle
+with their other missive weapon, the tongue--and there was all the
+eloquence of Billingsgate on both sides more than enough. At last, by
+the advice of friends it was, as is before noted, brought before the
+Society."
+
+The judgment was that for a Protestant to wear a cross was a
+"ridiculous, scandalous piece of vanity"--that it should only be worn in
+a religious sense, and with due respect, and is not more fitting to be
+used as an ornament than "a gibbet, which, worn about the neck, would
+make but a scurvy figure."
+
+Most of the stories show the democratic tendencies of the writer, for
+instance--
+
+"A poor man's cow had got into a rich man's corn, and he put her into
+the pound; the poor man offered satisfaction, but the rich man insisted
+on unreasonable terms, and both went to the Justice of the Peace. The
+Justice advised the man to comply, for he could not help him; at last
+the rich man came to this point; he would have ten shillings for the
+damage. 'And will you have ten shillings,' says the poor man, 'for six
+pennyworth of damage?' 'Yes, I will,' says the rich man. 'Then the devil
+will have you,' says the poor man. 'Well,' says the rich man, 'let the
+devil and I alone to agree about that, give me the ten shillings.'"
+
+"A gentleman came with a great equipage and a fine coach to the Society,
+and desired to be heard. He told them a long story of his wife; how
+ill-natured, how sullen, how unkind she was, and that in short she made
+his life very uncomfortable. The Society asked him several questions
+about her, whether she was
+
+"Unfaithful? No.
+
+"A thief? No.
+
+"A Slut? No.
+
+"A scold? No.
+
+"A drunkard? No.
+
+"A Gossip? No.
+
+"But still she was an ill wife, and very bad wife, and he did not know
+what to do with her. At last one of the Society asked him, 'If his
+worship was a good husband,' at which being a little surprised, he could
+not tell what to say. Whereupon the Club resolved,
+
+"1. That most women that are bad wives are made so by their husbands. 2.
+That this Society will hear no complaint against a virtuous bad wife
+from a vicious good husband. 3. He that has a bad wife and can't find
+the reason of it in her, 'tis ten to one that he finds it in himself."
+
+Sometimes correspondents ask advice as to which of several lovers they
+should choose. The following applicants have a different grievances.
+
+"Gentlemen.--There are no less than sixty ladies of us, all neighbours,
+dwelling in the same village, that are now arrived at those years at
+which we expect (if ever) to be caressed and adored, or, at least
+flattered. We have often heard of the attempts of whining lovers; of the
+charming poems they had composed in praise of their mistresses' wit and
+beauty (tho' they have not had half so much of either of them as the
+meanest in our company), of the passions of their love, and that death
+itself had presently followed upon a denial. But we find now that the
+men, especially of our village, are so dull and lumpish, so languid and
+indifferent, that we are almost forced to put words into their mouths,
+and when they have got them they have scarce spirit to utter them. So
+that we are apt to fear it will be the fate of all of us, as it is
+already of some, to live to be old maids. Now the thing, Gentlemen, that
+we desire of you is, that, if possible, you would let us understand the
+reason why the case is so mightily altered from what it was formerly;
+for our experience is so vastly different from what we have heard, that
+we are ready to believe that all the stories we have heard of lovers and
+their mistresses are fictions and mere banter."
+
+The case of these ladies is indeed to be pitied, and the Society have
+been further informed that the backwardness or fewness of the men in
+that town has driven the poor ladies to unusual extremities, such as
+running out into the fields to meet the men, and sending their maids to
+ask them; and at last running away with their fathers' coachmen,
+prentices, and the like, to the particular scandal of the town.
+
+The Society concluded that the ladies should leave the village "famous
+for having more coaches than Christians in it," as a learned man once
+took the freedom to tell them "from the pulpit" and go to market,
+_i.e._, to London.
+
+The "Advice of the Scandalous Club" was discontinued from May, 1703.
+
+Although we cannot say that Defoe carried his sword in a myrtle wreath,
+he certainly owed much of his celebrity to his insinuating under
+ambiguous language the boldest political opinions. He was fond of
+literary whimsicalities, and wrote a humorous "History," referring
+mostly to the events of the times. Towards the end of his career, he
+happily turned his talent for disguises and fictions into a quieter and
+more profitable direction. How many thousands remember him as the author
+of "Robinson Crusoe" who never heard a word about his jousts and
+conflicts, his animosities and misfortunes!
+
+The last century, although adorned by several celebrated wits, was less
+rich in humour than the present. Literature had a grave and pedantic
+character, for where there was any mental activity, instruction was
+sought almost to the exclusion of gaiety. It required a greater spread
+of education and experience to create a source of superior humour, or to
+awaken any considerable demand for it. Hence, although the taste was so
+increased that several periodicals of a professedly humorous nature were
+started, they disappeared soon after their commencement. To record their
+brief existence is like writing the epitaphs of the departed. Towards
+the termination of the previous century, comic literature was
+represented by an occasional fly-sheet, shot off to satirize some
+absurdity of the day. The first humorous periodical which has come to
+our knowledge, partakes, as might have been expected, of an
+ecclesiastical character and betokens the severity of the times. It
+appeared in 1670, under the title of "Jesuita Vapulans, or a Whip for
+the Fool's Back, and a Gad for his Foul Mouth." The next seems to have
+been a small weekly paper called "Heraclitus Ridens," published in 1681.
+It was mostly directed against Dissenters and Republicans; and in No. 9,
+we have a kind of Litany commencing:--
+
+  "From Commonwealth, Cobblers and zealous State Tinkers,
+  From Speeches and Expedients of Politick Blinkers,
+  From Rebellion, Taps, and Tapsters, and Skinkers,
+            Libera Nos.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "From Papists on one hand, and Phanatick on th' other,
+  From Presbyter Jack, the Pope's younger brother,
+  And Congregational Daughters, far worse than their Mother,
+            Libera Nos."
+
+In the same year appeared "Hippocrates Ridens," directed against quacks
+and pretenders to physic, who seem then to have been numerous. The
+contents of these papers were mostly in dialogue--a form which seems to
+have been approved, as it was afterwards adopted in similar
+publications. These papers do not seem to have been written by
+contributors from the public, but by one or two persons, and this, I
+believe, was the case with all the periodicals of this time, and one
+cause of their want of permanence--the periodical was not carried on by
+an editor, but by its author.
+
+The "London Spy" appeared in 1699, and went through eighteen monthly
+parts. Any one who wishes to find a merry description of London manners
+at the end of the seventeenth century, cannot look in a better place. It
+was written by Edward (Ned) Ward, author of an indifferent narrative
+entitled "A Trip to Jamaica;" but he must have possessed considerable
+observation and talent. A man who proposes to visit and unmask all the
+places of resort, high and low in the metropolis, could not have much
+refinement in his nature, but at the present day we cannot help
+wondering how a work should have been published and bought, containing
+so much gross language.
+
+Under the character of a countryman who has come up to see the world, he
+gives us some amusing glimpses of the metropolis, for instance. He goes
+to dine with some beaux at a tavern, and gives the following description
+of the entertainment:--
+
+     "As soon as we came near the bar, a thing started up all ribbons,
+     lace, and feathers, and made such a noise with her bell and her
+     tongue together, that had half-a-dozen paper-mills been at work
+     within three yards of her, they'd have signified no more to her
+     clamorous voice than so many lutes to a drum, which alarmed two or
+     three nimble-heel'd fellows aloft, who shot themselves downstairs
+     with as much celerity as a mountebank's Mercury upon a rope from
+     the top of a church-steeple, every one charged with a mouthful of
+     'coming! coming!' This sudden clatter at our appearance so
+     surprised me that I looked as silly as a bumpkin translated from
+     the plough-tail to the play-house, when it rains fire in the
+     tempest, or when Don John's at dinner with the subterranean
+     assembly of terrible hobgoblins. He that got the start and first
+     approached us of these greyhound-footed emissaries, desir'd us to
+     walk up, telling my companion his friends were above; then with a
+     hop, stride and jump, ascended the stair-head before us, and from
+     thence conducted us to a spacious room, where about a dozen of my
+     schoolfellow's acquaintances were ready to receive us. Upon our
+     entrance they all started up, and on a suddain screwed themselves
+     into so many antick postures, that had I not seen them first erect,
+     I should have query'd with myself, whether I was fallen into the
+     company of men or monkeys.
+
+     "This academical fit of riggling agility was almost over before I
+     rightly understood the meaning on't, and found at last they were
+     only showing one another how many sorts of apes' gestures and fops'
+     cringes had been invented since the French dancing-masters
+     undertook to teach our English gentry to make scaramouches of
+     themselves; and how to entertain their poor friends, and pacifie
+     their needy creditors with compliments and congies. When every
+     person with abundance of pains had shown the ultimate of his
+     breeding, contending about a quarter of an hour who should sit down
+     first, as if we waited the coming of some herauld to fix us in our
+     proper places, which with much difficulty being at last agreed on,
+     we proceed to a whet of old hock to sharpen our appetites to our
+     approaching dinner; though I confess my stomach was as keen already
+     as a greyhound's to his supper after a day's coursing, or a miserly
+     livery-man's, who had fasted three days to prepare himself for a
+     Lord Mayor's feast. The honest cook gave us no leisure to tire our
+     appetites by a tedious expectancy; for in a little time the cloth
+     was laid, and our first course was ushered up by the _dominus
+     factotum_ in great order to the table, which consisted of two
+     calves'-heads and a couple of geese. I could not but laugh in my
+     conceit to think with what judgment the caterer had provided so
+     lucky an entertainment for so suitable a company. After the
+     victuals were pretty well cooled, in complimenting who should begin
+     first, we all fell to; and i'faith I found by their eating, they
+     were no ways affronted by their fare; for in less time than an old
+     woman could crack a nut, we had not left enough to dine the
+     bar-boy. The conclusion of our dinner was a stately Cheshire
+     cheese, of a groaning size, of which we devoured more in three
+     minutes than a million of maggots could have done in three weeks.
+     After cheese comes nothing; then all we desired was a clear stage
+     and no favour; accordingly everything was whipped away in a trice
+     by so cleanly a conveyance, that no juggler by virtue of Hocus
+     Pocus could have conjured away balls with more dexterity. All our
+     empty plates and dishes were in an instant changed into full quarts
+     of purple nectar and unsullied glasses. Then a bumper to the Queen
+     led the van of our good wishes, another to the Church Established,
+     a third left to the whimsie of the toaster, till at last their
+     slippery engines of verbosity coined nonsense with such a facil
+     fluency, that a parcel of alley-gossips at a christening, after the
+     sack had gone twice round, could not with their tattling tormentors
+     be a greater plague to a fumbling godfather, than their lame jest
+     and impertinent conundrums were to a man of my temper. Oaths were
+     as plenty as weeds in an alms-house garden.
+
+     "The night was spent in another tavern in harmony, the songs being
+     such as:--
+
+      "Musicks a crotchet the sober think vain,
+      The fiddle's a wooden projection,
+      Tunes are but flirts of a whimsical brain,
+      Which the bottle brings best to perfection:
+      Musicians are half-witted, merry and mad,
+      The same are all those that admire 'em,
+      They're fools if they play unless they're well paid,
+      And the others are blockheads to hire 'em."
+
+
+
+Perhaps the most interesting account is that of St. Paul's
+Cathedral--then in progress. We all know that it was nearly fifty years
+in building, but have not perhaps been aware of all the causes of the
+delay:--
+
+     "Thence we turned through the west gate of St. Paul's Churchyard,
+     where we saw a parcel of stone-cutters and sawyers so very hard at
+     work, that I protest, notwithstanding the vehemency of their
+     labour, and the temperateness of the season, instead of using their
+     handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat off their faces, they were most of
+     them blowing their nails. 'Bless me!' said I to my friend, 'sure
+     this church stands in a colder climate than the rest of the nation,
+     or else those fellows are of a strange constitution to seem ready
+     to freeze at such warm exercise.' 'You must consider,' says my
+     friend, 'this is work carried on at a national charge, and ought
+     not to be hastened on in a hurry; for the greater reputation it
+     will gain when it's finished will be, "That it was so many years in
+     building."' From thence we moved up a long wooden bridge that led
+     to the west porticum of the church, where we intermixed with such a
+     train of promiscuous rabble that I fancied we looked like the
+     beasts driving into the ark in order to replenish a new succeeding
+     world....
+
+     "We went a little farther, where we observed ten men in a corner,
+     very busie about two men's work, taking as much care that everyone
+     should have his due proportion of the labour, as so many thieves in
+     making an exact division of their booty. The wonderful piece of
+     difficulty, the whole number had to perform, was to drag along a
+     stone of about three hundred weight in a carriage in order to be
+     hoisted upon the moldings of the cupula, but were so fearful of
+     dispatching this facile undertaking with too much expedition, that
+     they were longer in hauling on't half the length of the church,
+     than a couple of lusty porters, I am certain, would have been
+     carrying it to Paddington, without resting of their burthen.
+
+     "We took notice of the vast distance of the pillars from whence
+     they turn the cupula, on which, they say, is a spire to be erected
+     three hundred feet in height, whose towering pinnacle will stand
+     with such stupendous loftiness above Bow Steeple dragon or the
+     Monument's flaming urn, that it will appear to the rest of the Holy
+     Temples like a cedar of Lebanon, among so many shrubs, or a Goliath
+     looking over the shoulders of so many Davids."
+
+"The British Apollo, or curious Amusements for the Ingenious, performed
+by a Society of Gentlemen;" appeared in 1708, and seems to have been a
+weekly periodical, and to have been soon discontinued. The greater part
+of it consisted of questions and answers. Information was desired on all
+sorts of abstruse and absurd points--some scriptural, others referring
+to natural philosophy, or to matters of social interest.
+
+     _Question._ Messieurs. Pray instruct your Petitioner how he shall
+     go away for the ensuing Long Vacation, having little liberty, and
+     less money.                  Yours, SOLITARY.
+
+     _Answer._ Study the virtues of patience and abstinence. A right
+     judgment in the theory may make the practice more agreeable.
+
+     _Ques._ Gentlemen. I desire your resolution of the following
+     question, and you will oblige your humble servant, Sylvia. Whether
+     a woman hath not a right to know all her husband's concerns, and in
+     particular whether she may not demand a sight of all the letters he
+     receives, which if he denies, whether she may not open them
+     privately without his consent?
+
+     _Ans._ Gently, gently, good nimble-fingered lady, you run us out of
+     breath and patience to trace your unexampled ambition. What! break
+     open your husband's letters! no, no; that privilege once granted,
+     no chain could hold you; you would soon proceed to break in upon
+     his conjugal affection, and commit a burglary upon the cabinet of
+     his authority. But to be serious, although a well-bred husband
+     would hardly deny a wife the satisfaction of perusing his familiar
+     letters, we can noways think it prudent, much less his duty, to
+     communicate all to her; since most men, especially such as are
+     employed in public affairs, are often trusted with important
+     secrets, and such as no wife can reasonably pretend to claim
+     knowledge of.
+
+     _Ques._ Apollo say,
+     Whence 'tis I pray,
+     The ancient custom came,
+     Stockins to throw
+     (I'm sure you know,)
+     At bridegroom and dame?
+
+     _Ans._ When Britons bold
+     Bedded of old,
+     Sandals were backward thrown,
+     The pair to tell,
+      That ill or well,
+    The act was all their own.
+
+     _Ques._ Long by Orlinda's precepts did I move,
+     Nor was my heart a foe or slave to love,
+     My soul was free and calm, no storm appeared,
+     While my own sex my love and friendship shared;
+     The men with due respect I always used,
+     And proffered hearts still civilly refused.
+     This was my state when young Alexis came
+     With all the expressions of an ardent flame,
+     He baffles all the objections I can make,
+     And slights superior matches for my sake;
+     Our humour seem for one another made,
+     And all things else in equal ballance laid;
+     I love him too, and could vouchsafe to wear
+     The matrimonial hoop, but that I fear
+     His love should not continue, cause I'm told,
+     That women sooner far than men grow old;
+     I, by some years, am eldest of the two,
+     Therefore, pray Sirs, advise me what to do.
+
+     _Ans._ If 'tis your age alone retards your love,
+     You may with ease that groundless fear remove;
+     For if you're older, you are wiser too,
+     Since few in wit must hope to equal you.
+     You may securely, therefore, crown a joy,
+     Not all the plagues of Hymen can destroy,
+     For tho' in marriage some unhappy be,
+     They are not, sure, so fair, so wise as thee.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Swift--"Tale of a Tub"--Essays--Gulliver's Travels--Variety of Swift's
+  Humour--Riddles--Stella's Wit--Directions for Servants--Arbuthnot.
+
+
+The year 1667 saw the birth of Swift, one of the most highly gifted and
+successful humorists any country ever produced. A bright fancy runs like
+a vein of gold through nearly all his writings, and enriches the wide
+and varied field upon which he enters. He says of himself--
+
+  "Swift had the sin of wit, no venial crime;
+  Nay, 'tis affirmed he sometimes dealt in rhyme:
+  Humour and mirth had place in all he writ,
+  He reconciled divinity and wit."
+
+Whether religion, politics, social follies, or domestic peculiarities
+come before him, he was irresistibly tempted to regard them in a
+ludicrous point of view. He observes--
+
+     "It is my peculiar case to be often under a temptation to be witty,
+     upon occasions where I could be neither wise nor sound, nor
+     anything to the matter in hand."
+
+This general tendency was the foundation of his fortunes, and gained him
+the favour of Sir William Temple, and of such noblemen as Berkeley,
+Oxford, and Bolingbroke. They could nowhere find so pleasant a
+companion, for his natural talent was improved by cultivation, and it is
+when humour is united with learning--a rare combination--that it attains
+its highest excellence. There was much classical erudition at that day,
+and it was exhibited by men of letters in their ordinary conversation in
+a way which would appear to us pedantic. Thus many of Swift's best
+sayings turned on an allusion to some ancient author, as when speaking
+of the emptiness of modern writers, who depend upon compilations and
+digressions for filling up a treatise "that shall make a very comely
+figure on a bookseller's shelf, there to be preserved neat and clean for
+a long eternity, never to be thumbed or greased by students: but when
+the fulness of time is come, shall happily undergo the trial of
+purgatory in order to ascend the sky." He continues:--
+
+     "From such elements as these I am alive to behold the day, wherein
+     the corporation of authors can outvie all its brethren in the
+     guild. A happiness derived to us, with a great many others, from
+     our Scythian ancestors, among whom the number of pens was so
+     infinite that Grecian eloquence had no other way of expressing it
+     than by saying that in the regions of the north it was hardly
+     possible for a man to travel--the very air was so replete with
+     feathers."
+
+The above is taken from the "Tale of a Tub" published in 1704, but never
+directly owned by him. At the commencement of it he says that,
+
+     "Wisdom is a fox, who after long hunting will at last cost you the
+     pains to dig out; it is a cheese which, by how much the richer, has
+     the thicker, the homelier, and the coarser coat; and whereof to a
+     judicious palate the maggots are the best; it is a sack posset,
+     wherein the deeper you go you will find it the sweeter. Wisdom is a
+     hen, whose cackling we must value and consider, because it is
+     attended with an egg, but then, lastly, it is a nut, which unless
+     you choose with judgment may cost you a tooth, and pay you with
+     nothing but a worm."
+
+He attacks indiscriminately the Pope, Luther, and Calvin. Of the first
+he says--
+
+     "I have seen him, Peter, in his fits take three old high-crowned
+     hats, and clap them all on his head three story high, with a huge
+     bunch of keys at his girdle, and an angling rod in his left hand.
+     In which guise, whoever went to take him by the hand in the way of
+     salutation, Peter with much grace, like a well educated spaniel,
+     would present them with his foot; and if they refused his civility,
+     then he would raise it as high as their chaps, and give them a
+     damned kick in the mouth, which has ever since been called a
+     salute."
+
+He also ridicules Transubstantiation, representing Peter as asking his
+brothers to dine, and giving them a loaf of bread, and insisting that it
+was mutton.
+
+In the history of Martin Luther--a continuation of the "Tale of a Tub,"
+he represents Queen Elizabeth as "setting up a shop for those of her own
+farm, well furnished with powders, plasters, salves, and all other drugs
+necessary, all right and true, composed according to receipts made by
+physicians and apothecaries of her own creating, which they extracted
+out of Peter's, Martin's, and Jack's receipt books; and of this muddle
+and hodge-podge made up a dispensary of their own--strictly forbidding
+any other to be used, and particularly Peter's, from whom the greater
+part of this new dispensatory was stolen."
+
+At the conclusion of the "Tale of a Tub," he says, "Among a very polite
+nation in Greece there were the same temples built and consecrated to
+Sleep and the Muses, between which two deities they believed the
+greatest friendship was established. He says he differs from other
+writers in that he shall be too proud, if by all his labours he has any
+ways contributed to the repose of mankind in times so turbulent and
+unquiet."
+
+It is evident from this work, as from the "Battle of the Books," "The
+Spider and the Bee," and other of his writings, that Allegory was still
+in high favour.
+
+Swift first appeared as a professed author in 1708, when he wrote
+against astrologers, and prophetic almanack-makers, called
+philomaths--then numerous, but now only represented by Zadkiel. This
+Essay was one of those, which gave rise to "The Tatler." He wrote about
+the same time, "An argument against Christianity"--an ironical way of
+rebuking the irreligion of the time--
+
+     "It is urged that there are by computation in this kingdom above
+     ten thousand persons, whose revenues added to those of my lords the
+     bishops, would suffice to maintain two hundred young gentlemen of
+     wit and pleasure, and freethinking,--enemies to priestcraft, narrow
+     principles, pedantry, and prejudices; who might be an ornament to
+     the court and town; and then again, so great a body of able
+     (bodied) divines might be a recruit to our fleet and armies."
+
+     "Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity is
+     the clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and
+     consequently the kingdom one seventh less in trade, business, and
+     pleasure; besides the loss to the public of so many stately
+     structures, now in the hands of the clergy, which might be
+     converted into play-houses, market-houses, exchanges, common
+     dormitories, and other public edifices. I hope I shall be forgiven
+     a hard word, if I call this a perfect _cavil_. I readily own there
+     has been an old custom, time out of mind, for people to assemble in
+     the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still frequently
+     shut, in order, as it is conceived, to preserve the ancient
+     practice, but how they can be a hindrance to business or pleasure
+     it is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced one
+     day in the week to game at home instead of in the chocolate houses?
+     Are not the taverns and coffee-houses open? Is not that the chief
+     day for traders to sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers
+     to prepare their briefs.... But I would fain know how it can be
+     contended that the churches are misapplied? Where more care to
+     appear in the foremost box with greater advantage of dress. Where
+     more meetings for business, where more bargains are driven, and
+     where so many conveniences and enticements to sleep?"
+
+     "I am very sensible how much the gentlemen of wit and pleasure are
+     apt to murmur, and be choked at the sight of so many draggle-tailed
+     parsons, who happen to fall in their way and offend their eyes; but
+     at the same time, these wise reformers do not consider what an
+     advantage and felicity it is for great wits to be always provided
+     with objects of scorn and contempt, in order to exercise and
+     improve their talents, and divert their spleen from falling on each
+     other, or on themselves; especially, when all this may be done
+     without the least imaginable danger to their persons."
+
+     "And to add another argument of a parallel nature--if Christianity
+     were once abolished, how could the free-thinkers, the strong
+     reasoners, and the men of profound learning be able to find another
+     subject so calculated in all points, whereon to display their
+     abilities? What wonderful productions of wit should we be deprived
+     of, from those whose genius, by continual practice, has been wholly
+     turned upon raillery and invectives against religion, and would,
+     therefore never be able to shine or distinguish themselves upon any
+     other subject! We are daily complaining of the great decline of Wit
+     among us, and would we take away the greatest, perhaps the only
+     topic we have left? Who would ever have suspected Asgil for a wit,
+     and Toland for a philosopher, if the inexhaustible supply of
+     Christianity had not been at hand to provide them with materials?
+     What other subject through all Art and Nature could have produced
+     Tindal for a profound author, and furnished him with readers? It is
+     the wise choice of the subject, which alone adorns and
+     distinguishes the writer. For had a hundred such pens as these been
+     employed on the side of religion, they would have sunk into silence
+     and oblivion."
+
+Pope claims to have shadowed forth such a work as Gulliver's Travels in
+the Memoirs of Martin Scriblerus; but Swift, no doubt, took the idea
+from Lucian's "True History." He was also indebted to Philostratus, who
+speaks of an army of pigmies attacking Hercules. Something may also have
+been gathered from Defoe's minuteness of detail; and he made use of all
+these with a master-hand to improve and increase the fertile resources
+of his own mind. Swift produced the work, by which he will always
+survive, and be young. In the voyage to Lilliput he depreciates the
+court and ministers of George I., by comparing them to something
+insignificantly small: in the voyage to Brobdingnag by likening them to
+something grand and noble. But the immortality of the work owes nothing
+to such considerations but everything to humour and fancy, especially to
+the general satire upon human vanity. "The Emperor of Lilliput is taller
+by almost the breadth of my nail than any of his Court, which alone is
+enough to strike awe into beholders."
+
+In the Honyhuhums, the human race is compared to the Yahoos, and placed
+in a loathsome and ridiculous light. They are represented as most
+irrational creatures, frequently engaged in wars or acrimonious disputes
+as to whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh, whether it be better to
+kiss a post or throw it into the fire, and what is the best colour of a
+coat!--referring to religious disputes between Catholics and
+Protestants. He says, that among the Yahoos, "It is a very justifiable
+cause of war to invade the country after the people have been wasted by
+famine, destroyed by pestilence, or embroiled by factions among
+themselves." With regard to internal matters, "there is a society of men
+among us, bred up from youth in the art of proving by words multiplied
+for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as
+they are paid. In this society all the rest of the people are slaves."
+
+Swift's humour, as has been already intimated, by no means confined
+itself to being a mere vehicle of instruction. It luxuriated in a
+hundred forms, and on every passing subject. He wrote verses for great
+women, and for those who sold oysters and herrings, as well as apples
+and oranges. The flying leaves, so common at that time, contained a
+great variety of squibs and parodies written by him. Here, for instance
+is a travesty of Ambrose Philips' address to Miss Carteret--
+
+  "Happiest of the spaniel race
+  Painter, with thy colours grace,
+  Draw his forehead large and high,
+  Draw his blue and humid eye,
+  Draw his neck, so smooth and round,
+  Little neck, with ribbons bound,
+  And the spreading even back,
+  Soft and sleek, and glossy black,
+  And the tail that gently twines
+  Like the tendrils of the vines,
+  And the silky twisted hair
+  Shadowing thick the velvet ear,
+  Velvet ears, which hanging low
+  O'er the veiny temples flow ..."
+
+He could scarcely stay at an inn without scratching something humorous
+on the window pane. At the Four Crosses in the Wading Street Road,
+Warwickshire, he wrote--
+
+  "Fool to put up four crosses at your door
+  Put up your wife--she's crosser than all four."
+
+On another, he deprecated this scribbling on windows, which, it seems,
+was becoming too general--
+
+  "The sage, who said he should be proud
+  Of windows in his breast
+  Because he ne'er a thought allowed
+  That might not be confessed;
+  His window scrawled, by every rake,
+  His breast again would cover
+  And fairly bid the devil take
+  The diamond and the lover."
+
+The members of the Kit Kat club used to write epigrams in honour of
+their "Toasts" on their wine glasses.[6]
+
+He sometimes amused himself with writing ingenious riddles. Additional
+grace was added to them by giving them a poetic form. They differ from
+modern riddles, which are nearly all prose, and turn upon puns. They
+more resemble the old Greek and Roman enigmas, but have not their
+obscurity or simplicity. Most of them are long, but the following will
+serve as a specimen--
+
+  "We are little airy creatures
+  All of different voice and features;
+  One of us in glass is set,
+  One of us you'll find in jet
+  T'other you may see in tin,
+  And the fourth a box within
+  If the fifth you should pursue,
+  It can never fly from you."
+
+This may have suggested to Miss C. Fanshawe her celebrated enigma on the
+letter H.
+
+The humorous talent possessed by the Dean made him a great acquisition
+in society, and, as it appears, somewhat too fascinating to the fair
+sex. Ladies have never been able to decide satisfactorily why he did not
+marry. It may have been that having lived in grand houses, he did not
+think he had a competent income. In his thoughts on various subjects, he
+says, "Matrimony has many children, Repentance, Discord, Poverty,
+Jealousy, Sickness, Spleen, &c."
+
+His sentimental and platonic friendship with young ladies, to whom he
+gave poetical names, made them historical, but not happy. "Stella," to
+whom he is supposed to have been privately married before her death,
+charmed him with her loveliness and wit. Some of his prettiest pieces,
+in which poetry is intermingled with humour, were written to her. In an
+address to her in 1719, on her attaining thirty-five years of age, after
+speaking of the affection travellers have for the old "Angel Inn," he
+says--
+
+  "Now this is Stella's case in fact
+  An angel's face a little cracked,
+  (Could poets or could painters fix
+  How angels look at thirty-six)
+  This drew us in at first to find
+  In such a form an angel's mind;
+  And every virtue now supplies
+  The fainting rays of Stella's eyes
+  See at her levée crowding swains
+  Whom Stella greatly entertains
+  With breeding humour, wit, and sense
+  And puts them out to small expense,
+  Their mind so plentifully fills
+  And makes such reasonable bills,
+  So little gets, for what she gives
+  We really wonder how she lives,
+  And had her stock been less, no doubt,
+  She must have long ago run out."
+
+Swift says that Stella "always said the best thing in the company," but
+to judge by the specimens he has preserved, this must have been the
+opinion of a lover, unless the society she moved in was extremely dull.
+At the same time those who assert that her allusions were coarse, have
+no good foundation for such a calumny. Her humour contrasted with that
+of the Dean, both in its weakness and its delicacy. Swift was too fond
+of bringing forward into the light what should be concealed, but saw the
+fault in others, and imputed it to an absence of inventive power. He
+writes--
+
+"You do not treat nature wisely by always striving to get beneath the
+surface. What to show and to conceal she knows, it is one of her
+eternal laws to put her best furniture forward."
+
+The last of his writings before his mind gave way was his "Directions to
+Servants." It was compiled apparently from jottings set down in hours of
+idleness, and shows that his love of humour survived as long as any of
+his faculties. He was blamed by Lord Orrery for turning his mind to such
+trifling concerns, and the stricture might have had some weight had not
+his primary object been to amuse. That this was his aim rather than mere
+correction, is evident from the specious reasons he gives for every one
+of his precepts, and he would have found it difficult to choose a
+subject which would meet with a more general response.
+
+The following few extracts will give an idea of the work--
+
+     "Rules that concern all servants in general--When your master or
+     lady calls a servant by name, if that servant be not in the way,
+     none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of
+     drudgery; and masters themselves allow that if a servant comes,
+     when he is called, it is sufficient.
+
+     "When you have done a fault, be always pert and insolent, and
+     behave yourself as if you were the injured person; this will
+     immediately put your master or lady off their mettle.
+
+     "The cook, the butler, the groom, the market-man, and every other
+     servant, who is concerned in the expenses of the family, should act
+     as if his whole master's estate ought to be applied to that
+     peculiar business. For instance, if the cook computes his master's
+     estate to be a thousand pounds a year, he reasonably concludes that
+     a thousand pounds a year will afford meat enough, and therefore he
+     need not be sparing; the butler makes the same judgment; so may
+     the groom and the coachman, and thus every branch of expense will
+     be filled to your master's honour.
+
+     "Take all tradesmen's parts against your master, and when you are
+     sent to buy anything, never offer to cheapen it, but generously pay
+     the full demand. This is highly to your master's honour, and may be
+     some shillings in your pocket, and you are to consider, if your
+     master has paid too much, he can better afford the loss than a poor
+     tradesman.
+
+     "Write your own name and your sweetheart's with the smoke of a
+     candle on the roof of the kitchen, or the servant's hall to show
+     your learning.
+
+     "Lay all faults upon a lap dog or favourite cat, a monkey, a
+     parrot, or a child; or on the servant, who was last turned off; by
+     this rule you will excuse yourself, do no hurt to anybody else, and
+     save your master or lady the trouble and vexation of chiding.
+
+     "When you cut bread for a toast, do not stand idly watching it, but
+     lay it on the coals, and mind your other business; then come back,
+     and if you find it toasted quite through, scrape off the burnt side
+     and serve it up.
+
+     "When a message is sent to your master, be kind to your brother
+     servant who brings it; give him the best liquor in your keeping,
+     for your master's honour; and, at the first opportunity he will do
+     the same to you.
+
+     "When you are to get water for tea, to save firing, and to make
+     more haste, pour it into the tea-kettle from the pot where cabbage
+     or fish have been boiling, which will make it much wholesomer by
+     curing the acid and corroding quality of the tea.
+
+     "Directions to cooks.--Never send up the leg of a fowl at supper,
+     while there is a cat or dog in the house that can be accused of
+     running away with it, but if there happen to be neither, you must
+     lay it upon the rats, or a stray greyhound.
+
+     "When you roast a long joint of meat, be careful only about the
+     middle, and leave the two extreme parts raw, which will serve
+     another time and also save firing.
+
+     "Let a red-hot coal, now and then fall into the dripping pan that
+     the smoke of the dripping may ascend and give the roast meat a high
+     taste.
+
+     "If your dinner miscarries in almost every dish, how could you help
+     it? You were teased by the footman coming into the kitchen; and to
+     prove it, take occasion to be angry, and throw a ladleful of broth
+     on one or two of their liveries.
+
+     "To Footmen.--In order to learn the secrets of other families, tell
+     them those of your masters; thus you will grow a favourite both at
+     home and abroad, and be regarded as a person of importance.
+
+     "Never be seen in the streets with a basket or bundle in your
+     hands, and carry nothing but what you can hide in your pockets,
+     otherwise you will disgrace your calling; to prevent which, always
+     retain a blackguard boy to carry your loads, and if you want
+     farthings, pay him with a good slice of bread or scrap of meat.
+
+     "Let a shoe-boy clean your own boots first, then let him clean your
+     master's. Keep him on purpose for that use, and pay him with
+     scraps. When you are sent on an errand, be sure to edge in some
+     business of your own, either to see your sweetheart, or drink a pot
+     of ale with some brother servants, which is so much time clear
+     gained. Take off the largest dishes and set them on with one hand,
+     to show the ladies your strength and vigour, but always do it
+     between two ladies that if the dish happens to slip, the soup or
+     sauce may fall on their clothes, and not daub the floor."
+
+We think that he might have written "directions" for the masters of his
+day, as by incidental allusions he makes, we find they were not
+unaccustomed to beat their servants.
+
+Sarcasm was Swift's foible. But we must remember that the age in which
+he lived was that of Satire. Humour then took that form as in the latter
+days of Rome. Critical acumen had attained a considerable height, but
+the state of affairs was not sufficiently settled and tranquil to foster
+mutual forbearance and amity. Swift, it must be granted, was not so
+personal as most of his contemporaries, seeking in his wit rather to
+amuse his friends than to wound his rivals. But his scoffing spirit made
+him enemies--some of whom taking advantage of certain expressions on
+church matters in "The Tale of a Tub" prejudiced Queen Anne, and placed
+an insuperable obstacle in the way of his ambition. He writes of
+himself.
+
+  "Had he but spared his tongue and pen
+  He might have rose like other men;
+  But power was never in his thought
+  And wealth he valued not a groat."
+
+In his poem on his own death, written in 1731, he concludes with the
+following general survey--
+
+  "Perhaps I may allow the Dean
+  Had too much satire in his vein;
+  And seemed determined not to starve it,
+  Because no age could more deserve it.
+  Yet malice never was his aim
+  He lashed the vice, but spared the name:
+  No individual could repent
+  Where thousands equally meant;
+  His satire points out no defect
+  But what all mortals may correct:
+  For he abhorred that senseless tribe
+  Who call it humour, when they gibe:
+  He spared a hump or crooked nose
+  Whose owners set not up for beaux.
+  Some genuine dulness moved his pity
+  Unless it offered to be witty.
+  Those who their ignorance confessed
+  He ne'er offended with a jest;
+  But laughed to hear an idiot quote
+  A verse of Horace, learned by drote.
+  He knew a hundred pleasing stories
+  With all the turns of Whigs and Tories;
+  Was cheerful to his dying day,
+  And friends would let him have his way.
+  He gave the little wealth he had
+  To build a house for fools and mad;
+  And showed by one satiric touch,
+  No nation wanted it so much,
+  That kingdom he has left his debtor,
+  I wish it soon may have a better."
+
+We may here mention a minor luminary, which shone in the constellation
+in Queen Anne's classic reign. Pope said that of all the men that he had
+met Arbuthnot had the most prolific wit, allowing Swift only the second
+place. Robinson Crusoe--at first thought to be a true narrative--was
+attributed to him, and in the company who formed themselves into the
+Scriblerus Club to write critiques or rather satires on the literature,
+science and politics of the day, we have the names of Oxford,
+Bolingbroke, Swift, Pope, Gay, and Arbuthnot. Of the last, who seems to
+have written mostly in prose, a few works survive devoid of all the
+coarseness which stains most contemporary productions and also deficient
+in point of wit. It is noteworthy that the two authors who endeavoured
+to introduce a greater delicacy into the literature of the day, were
+both court physicians to Queen Anne. The death of this sovereign caused
+the Scriblerus project to be abandoned, but Gulliver's Travels, which
+had formed part of it, were afterwards continued, and some of the
+introductory papers remain, especially one called "Martinus Scriblerus,"
+supposed to have been the work of Arbuthnot. It contains a violent
+onslaught principally upon Sir Richard Blackmore's poetry, such as we
+should more easily attribute to Pope, or at least to his suggestions. It
+resembles "The Dunciad" in containing more bitterness than humour.
+Examples are given of the "Pert style," the "Alamode" style, the
+"Finical style." The exceptions taken to such hyperbole as the
+following, seem to be the best founded--
+
+
+  OF A LION.
+
+  "He roared so loud and looked so wondrous grim
+  His very shadow durst not follow him."
+
+
+  OF A LADY AT DINNER.
+
+  "The silver whiteness that adorns thy neck
+  Sullies the plate, and makes the napkins black."
+
+
+  OF THE SAME.
+
+  "The obscureness of her birth
+  Cannot eclipse the lustre of her eyes
+  Which make her all one light."
+
+
+  OF A BULL BAITING.
+
+  "Up to the stars the sprawling mastiffs fly
+  And add new monsters to the frighted sky."
+
+There is a certain amount of humour in Arbuthnot's "History of John
+Bull," and in his "Harmony in an Uproar." A letter to Frederick Handel,
+Esquire, Master of the Opera House in the Haymarket, from Hurlothrumbo
+Johnson, Esquire, Composer Extraordinary to all the theatres in Great
+Britain, excepting that of the Haymarket, commences--
+
+     "Wonderful Sir!--The mounting flames of my ambition have long
+     aspired to the honour of holding a small conversation with you; but
+     being sensible of the almost insuperable difficulty of getting at
+     you, I bethought me a paper kite might best reach you, and soar to
+     your apartment, though seated in the highest clouds, for all the
+     world knows I can top you, fly as high as you will."
+
+But we may consider his best piece to be "A Learned Dissertation on
+Dumpling."
+
+     "The Romans, tho' our conquerors, found themselves much outdone in
+     dumplings by our forefathers; the Roman dumplings being no more to
+     compare to those made by the Britons, than a stone dumpling is to a
+     marrow pudding; though indeed the British dumpling at that time was
+     little better than what we call a stone dumpling, nothing else but
+     flour and water. But every generation growing wiser and wiser the
+     project was improved, and dumpling grew to be pudding. One
+     projector found milk better than water; another introduced butter;
+     some added marrow, others plums; and some found out the use of
+     sugar; so that to speak truth, we know not where to fix the
+     genealogy or chronology of any of these pudding projectors to the
+     reproach of our historians, who eat so much pudding, yet have been
+     so ungrateful to the first professor of the noble science as not to
+     find them a place in history.
+
+     "The invention of eggs was merely accidental. Two or three having
+     casually rolled from off a shelf into a pudding, which a good wife
+     was making, she found herself under the necessity either of
+     throwing away her pudding or letting the eggs remain; but
+     concluding that the innocent quality of the eggs would do no hurt,
+     if they did no good, she merely jumbled them all together after
+     having carefully picked out the shells; the consequence is easily
+     imagined, the pudding became a pudding of puddings, and the use of
+     eggs from thence took its date. The woman was sent for to Court to
+     make puddings for King John, who then swayed the sceptre; and
+     gained such favour that she was the making of the whole family.
+
+     "From this time the English became so famous for puddings, that
+     they are called pudding-eaters all over the world to this day.
+
+     "At her demise her son was taken into favour, and made the King's
+     chief cook; and so great was his fame for puddings, that he was
+     called Jack Pudding all over the kingdom, though in truth his real
+     name was John Brand. This Jack Pudding, I say, became yet a greater
+     favourite than his mother, insomuch that he had the King's ear as
+     well as his mouth at command, for the King you must know was a
+     mighty lover of pudding; and Jack fitted him to a hair. But what
+     raised our hero in the esteem of this pudding-eating monarch was
+     his second edition of pudding, he being the first that ever
+     invented the art of broiling puddings, which he did to such
+     perfection and so much to the King's liking (who had a mortal
+     aversion to cold pudding) that he thereupon instituted him Knight
+     of the Gridiron, and gave him a gridiron of gold, the ensign of
+     that order, which he always wore as a mark of his Sovereign's
+     favour."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Steele--The Funeral--The Tatler--Contributions of Swift--Of
+  Addison--Expansive Dresses--"Bodily Wit"--Rustic Obtuseness--Crosses
+  in Love--Snuff-taking.
+
+
+A new description of periodical was published in 1709, and met with
+deserved success. It was little more or less than the first lady's
+newspaper, consisting of a small half sheet printed on both sides, and
+sold three times a week. The price was a penny, and the form was so
+unpretentious that deprecators spoke of its "tobacco-paper" and "scurvy
+letter." Like Defoe's review, it was strong in Foreign War intelligence,
+but beyond this the aim was to attract readers, not by political sarcasm
+or coarse jesting, but by sparkling satire on the foibles of the
+fashionable world. Addison says that the design was to bring philosophy
+to tea-tables, and to check improprieties "too trivial for the
+chastisement of the law, and too fantastical for the cognizance of the
+pulpit," and that these papers had a "perceptible influence upon the
+conversation of the time, and taught the frolic and gay to unite
+merriment with decency." Johnson says that previously, with the
+exception of the writers for the theatre, "England had no masters of
+common life," and considers the Italian and the French to have
+introduced this kind of literature. From its social character, this
+publication gives us a great amount of interesting information as to the
+manners and customs of the time, and the name "Tatler" was selected "in
+honour of the fair."
+
+The originator of this enterprise, Richard Steele, was English on his
+father's side, Irish on his mother's. He was educated at Charterhouse,
+and followed much the same course as his countryman, Farquhar. He tells
+us gaily, "At fifteen I was sent to the University, and stayed there for
+some time; but a drum passing by, being a lover of music, I enlisted
+myself as a soldier." He seems to have been at this time ambitious of
+being one of those "topping fellows," of whom he afterwards spoke with
+so much contempt. Among the various appointments he successively
+obtained, was that of Gentleman Usher to Prince George, and that of
+Gazetteer, an office which gave him unusual facilities for affording his
+readers foreign intelligence. He was also Governor of the Royal Company
+of Comedians, and wrote plays, his best being "The Conscious Lovers"
+and "The Funeral." The latter was much liked by King William.
+Notwithstanding its melancholy title, it contained some good comic
+passages, as where the undertaker marshalls his men and puts them
+through a kind of rehearsal:--
+
+     _Sable._ Well, come, you that are to be mourners in this house, put
+     on your sad looks, and walk by me that I may sort you. Ha, you! a
+     little more upon the dismal--(_forming their countenances_)--this
+     fellow has a good mortal look--place him near the corpse; that
+     wainscot face must be o' top of the stairs; that fellow's almost in
+     a fright (that looks as if he were full of some strange misery) at
+     the entrance of the hall--so--but I'll fix you all myself. Let's
+     have no laughing now on any provocation, (_makes faces_.) Look
+     yonder, that hale, well-looking puppy! You ungrateful scoundrel,
+     did not I pity you, take you out of a great man's service, and show
+     you the pleasure of receiving wages? Did not I give you ten, then
+     fifteen, now twenty shillings a week to be sorrowful? and the more
+     I give you, I think the gladder you are.
+
+At the first commencement of the "Tatler," Steele seems to have
+intended, as was usual at the time, to write almost the whole newspaper
+himself, and he always continued nominally to do so under the name of
+Isaac Bickerstaff. The only assistance he could have at all counted upon
+was that of Addison--his old schoolfellow at Charterhouse--whose
+contributions proved to be very scanty. We soon find him falling short
+of material and calling upon the the public for contributions. Thus he
+makes at the ends of some of the early numbers such suggestions as "Mr.
+Bickerstaff thanks Mr. Quarterstaff for his kind and instructive
+letter," and "Any ladies, who have any particular stories of their
+acquaintance, which they are willing privately to make public, may send
+them to Isaac Bickerstaff."
+
+This application seems to have met with some response, for although we
+have only before us the perpetual Isaac Bickerstaff, he soon tells us
+that "he shall have little to do but to publish what is sent him," and
+finally that some of the best pieces were not written by himself. Two or
+three were from the hand of Swift, who does not seem to have much
+appreciated the gentle periodical--says that as far as he is concerned,
+the editor may "fair-sex it to the world's end," and asserts with equal
+ill-nature and falsity that the publication was finally given up for
+want of materials. Probably it was to the solicitude of Addison, who was
+at that time employed in Ireland, that we are indebted for the few
+productions of Swift's bold genius which adorn this work. One of these
+is upon the peculiar weakness then prevalent among ladies for studding
+their faces with little bits of black plaster.
+
+     "Madam.--Let me beg of you to take off the patches at the lower end
+     of your left cheek, and I will allow two more under your left eye,
+     which will contribute more to the symmetry of your face; except you
+     would please to remove the ten black atoms from your ladyship's
+     chin, and wear one large patch instead of them. If so, you may
+     properly enough retain the three patches above mentioned.
+
+     "I am, &c."
+
+The next describes a downfall of rain in the city.
+
+  "Careful observers may foretell the hour,
+  (By sure prognostics) when to dread a shower;
+  While rain depends, the pensive cat gives o'er
+  Her frolics, and pursues her tail no more;
+  Returning home at night you'll find the sink
+  Strike your offended nose with double stink;
+  If you be wise, then go not far to dine,
+  You'll spend in coach-hire more than save in wine,
+  A coming shower your shooting corns presage,
+  Old aches will throb, your hollow tooth will rage;
+  Sauntering in coffee-house is Dulman seen,
+  He damns the climate and complains of spleen....
+  Now in contiguous drops the flood comes down,
+  Threatening with deluge this devoted town,
+  To shops in crowds the draggled females fly,
+  Pretend to cheapen goods, but nothing buy,
+  The Templar spruce, while ev'ry spout's abroach,
+  Stays till 'tis fair, yet seems to call a coach,
+  The tuck'd up sempstress walks with hasty strides,
+  While streams run down her oil'd umbrella's sides;
+  Here various kinds, by various fortunes led,
+  Commence acquaintance underneath a shed,
+  Triumphant Tories and desponding Whigs,
+  Forget their feuds, and join to save their wigs."
+
+The contributions of Addison were more numerous. He is more precise and
+old-fashioned than Steele, being particularly fond of giving a classical
+and mythological air to his writings, and thus we have such subjects as
+"The Goddess of Justice distributing rewards," and "Juno's method of
+retaining the affections of Jupiter." Allegories were his delight, and
+he tells us how artistically the probable can be intermingled with the
+marvellous. Such conceits were then still in fashion, and the numbers
+of the "Tatler" which contained them had the largest sale. They remind
+us of the "Old Moralities," and at this time succeeded to the prodigies,
+whales, plagues, and famines to which the news-writers had recourse when
+the exciting events of the Civil War came to an end. In general, the
+subjects chosen by Addison were more important than those chosen by
+Steele, and no doubt the earnest bent of his mind would have led him to
+write lofty and learned essays on morals and literature quite unsuitable
+to a popular periodical. But being kept down in a humbler sphere by the
+exigency of the case, he produced what was far more telling, and,
+perhaps, more practically useful. In one place he uses his humorous
+talent to protest, in the cause of good feeling, against the indignities
+put upon chaplains--a subject on which Swift could have spoken with more
+personal experience, but not with such good taste and light pleasantry.
+The article begins with a letter from a chaplain, complaining that he
+was not allowed to sit at table to the end of dinner, and was rebuked by
+the lady of the house for helping himself to a jelly. Addison remarks:--
+
+     "The case of this gentleman deserves pity, especially if he loves
+     sweetmeats, to which, if I may guess from his letter, he is no
+     enemy. In the meantime, I have often wondered at the indecency of
+     discharging the holiest men from the table as soon as the most
+     delicious parts of the entertainments are served up, and could
+     never conceive a reason for so absurd a custom. Is it because a
+     liquorish palate, or a sweet-tooth, as they call it, is not
+     consistent with the sanctity of his character? This is but a
+     trifling pretence. No man of the most rigid virtue gives offence in
+     any excesses of plum-pudding or plum-porridge, and that because
+     they are the first parts of the dinner. Is there anything that
+     tends to incitation in sweetmeats more than in ordinary dishes?
+     Certainly not. Sugar-plums are a very innocent diet, and conserves
+     of a much colder nature than your common pickles."
+
+In another place speaking of the dinner table, Addison ridicules the
+"false delicacies" of the time. He tells us how at a great party he
+could find nothing eatable, and how horrified he was at being asked to
+partake of a young pig that had been whipped to death. Eventually, he
+had to finish his dinner at home, and is led to inculcate his maxim that
+"he keeps the greatest table who has the most valuable company at it."
+In another place he complains of the lateness of the dinner-hour, and
+asks what it will come to eventually, as it is already three o'clock!
+
+Of the evil courses of the "wine-brewers" Addison, who lived in the
+world of the rich, no doubt heard frequent complaints--
+
+     "There is in this city a certain fraternity of chemical operators,
+     who work underground in holes, caverns, and dark retirements, to
+     conceal their mysteries from the eyes and observation of mankind.
+     These subterraneous philosophers are daily employed in the
+     transmutation of liquors, and, by the power of magical drugs and
+     incantations, raising under the streets of London the choicest
+     products of the hills and valleys of France. They can squeeze
+     Bordeaux out of the sloe, and draw Champagne from an apple. Virgil
+     in that remarkable prophecy,
+
+       'Incultisque rubens pendebit sentibus uva,'
+       The ripening grape shall hang on every thorn,
+
+     seems to have hinted at this art, which can turn a plantation of
+     northern hedges in a vineyard. These adepts are known among one
+     another by the name of _wine-brewers_; and I am afraid do great
+     injury not only to Her Majesty's customs, but to the bodies of many
+     of her good subjects."
+
+After what we have seen in our own times we need not be surprised that
+the ladies of Addison's day revived the old "fardingales," an expansion
+of dress which has always been a subject of ridicule, and probably will
+continue to be upon all its future appearances. The matter is first here
+brought forward as follows:
+
+     "The humble petition of William Jingle, Coachmaker and Chairmaker
+     to the Liberty of Westminster.
+
+     "To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire, Censor of Great Britain.
+
+     "Showeth,--That upon the late invention of Mrs. Catherine
+     Cross-stitch, Mantua-maker, the petticoats of ladies were too wide
+     for entering into any coach or chair, which was in use before the
+     said invention.
+
+     "That, for the service of the said ladies, your petitioner has
+     built a round chair, in the form of a lantern, six yards and a half
+     in circumference, with a stool in the centre of it; the said
+     vehicle being so contrived, as to receive the passenger by opening
+     in two in the middle, and closing mathematically when she is
+     seated.
+
+     "That your petitioner has also invented a coach for the reception
+     of one lady only, who is to be let in at the top.
+
+     "That the said coach has been tried by a lady's woman in one of
+     these full petticoats, who was let down from a balcony and drawn up
+     again by pullies to the great satisfaction of her lady, and all who
+     beheld her.
+
+     "Your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that for the
+     encouragement of ingenuity and useful inventions, he may be heard
+     before you pass sentence upon the petticoats aforesaid. And your
+     petitioner, &c.,"
+
+Addison, in No. 116, proceeds to try the question:--
+
+     "The Court being prepared for proceeding on the cause of the
+     petticoat, I gave orders to bring in a criminal, who was taken up
+     as she went out of the puppet-show about three nights ago, and was
+     now standing in the street with a great concourse of people about
+     her. Word was brought me that she had endeavoured twice or thrice
+     to come in, but could not do it by reason of her petticoat, which
+     was too large for the entrance of my house, though I had ordered
+     both the folding doors to be thrown open for its reception. The
+     garment having been taken off, the accused, by a committee of
+     matrons, was at length brought in, and 'dilated' so as to show it
+     in its utmost circumference, but my great hall was too narrow for
+     the experiment; for before it was half unfolded it described so
+     immoderate a circle, that the lower part of it brushed upon my face
+     as I sat in the chair of judicature. I finally ordered the vest,
+     which stood before us, to be drawn up by a pulley to the top of my
+     great hall, and afterwards to be spread open, in such a manner that
+     it formed a very splendid and ample canopy over our heads, and
+     covered the whole court of judicature with a kind of silken
+     rotunda, in its form not unlike the cupola of St. Paul's."
+
+A considerable part of "The Tatler" is occupied with gay attacks upon
+the foppery of the beaux, whom it calls "pretty fellows," or "smart
+fellows." The red-heeled shoes and the cane hung by its blue ribbon on
+the last button of the coat, came in for an especial share of ridicule.
+A letter purporting to be from Oxford, and reporting some improvement
+effected in the conversation of the University, also says:--
+
+     "I am sorry though not surprised to find that you have rallied the
+     men of dress in vain: that the amber-headed cane still maintains
+     its unstable post," (on the button) "that pockets are but a few
+     inches shortened, and a beau is still a beau, from the crown of his
+     night-cap to the heels of his shoes. For your comfort, I can assure
+     you that your endeavours succeed better in this famous seat of
+     learning. By them the manners of our young gentlemen are in a fair
+     way of amendment." ...
+
+The ladies also did not escape censure for their love of finery.
+
+     "A matron of my acquaintance, complaining of her daughter's vanity,
+     was observing that she had all of a sudden held up her head higher
+     than ordinary, and taken an air that showed a secret satisfaction
+     in herself, mixed with a scorn of others. 'I did not know,' says my
+     friend, 'what to make of the carriage of this fantastical girl,
+     until I was informed by her elder sister, that she had a pair of
+     striped garters on.'"
+
+Again:--
+
+     "Many a lady has fetched a sigh at the loss of a wig, and been
+     ruined by the tapping of a snuff box. It is impossible to describe
+     all the execution that was done by the shoulder knot, while that
+     fashion prevailed, or to reckon up all the maidens that have fallen
+     a sacrifice to a pair of fringed gloves. A sincere heart has not
+     made half so many conquests as an open waistcoat: and I should be
+     glad to see an able head make so good a figure in a woman's company
+     as a pair of red heels. A Grecian hero, when he was asked whether
+     he could play upon the lute, thought he had made a very good reply
+     when he had answered 'No, but I can make a great city of a little
+     one.' Notwithstanding his boasted wisdom, I appeal to the heart of
+     any Toast in town whether she would not think the lutenist
+     preferable to the statesman."
+
+The general tone of "The Tatler," is that of a fashionable London paper,
+and it often notices the difference of thought in town and country. This
+distinction is much less now than in his day, before the time of
+railways, and when the country gentlemen, instead of having houses in
+London, betook themselves for the gay season to their county towns.
+
+     "I was this evening representing a complaint sent me out of the
+     country by Emilia. She says, her neighbours there have so little
+     sense of what a refined lady of the town is, that she who was a
+     celebrated wit in London, is in that dull part of the world in so
+     little esteem that they call her in their base style a tongue-pad.
+     Old Truepenny bid me advise her to keep her wit until she comes to
+     town again, and admonish her that both wit and breeding are local;
+     for a fine court lady is as awkward among country wives, as one of
+     them would appear in a drawing-room."
+
+Again:--
+
+     "I must beg pardon of my readers that, for this time I have, I
+     fear, huddled up my discourse, having been very busy in helping an
+     old friend out of town. He has a very good estate and is a man of
+     wit; but he has been three years absent from town, and cannot bear
+     a jest; for which I have with some pains convinced him that he can
+     no more live here than if he were a downright bankrupt. He was so
+     fond of dear London that he began to fret, only inwardly; but being
+     unable to laugh and be laughed at, I took a place in the Northern
+     coach for him and his family; and hope he has got to-night safe
+     from all sneerers in his own parlour.
+
+     "To know what a Toast is in the country gives as much perplexity as
+     she herself does in town; and indeed the learned differ very much
+     upon the original of this word, and the acceptation of it among the
+     moderns; however, it is agreed to have a cheerful and joyous
+     import. A toast in a cold morning, heightened by nutmeg, and
+     sweetened with sugar, has for many ages been given to our rural
+     dispensers of justice before they entered upon causes, and has been
+     of great politic use to take off the severity of their sentences;
+     but has indeed been remarkable for one ill effect, that it inclines
+     those who use it immoderately to speak Latin; to the admiration
+     rather than information of an audience. This application of a toast
+     makes it very obvious that the word may, without a metaphor, be
+     understood as an apt name for a thing which raises us in the most
+     sovereign degree; but many of the Wits of the last age will assert
+     that the word in its present sense was known among them in their
+     youth, and had its rise from an accident in the town of Bath in the
+     reign of King Charles the Second. It happened that on a public day,
+     a celebrated beauty of those times was in the Cross Bath, and one
+     of the crowd of her admirers took a glass of water in which the
+     fair one stood, and drank her health to the company. There was in
+     the place a gay fellow half fuddled, who swore that though he liked
+     not the liquor, he would take the toast. He was opposed in his
+     resolution, yet this whim gave foundation to the present honor
+     which is due to the lady we mention in our liquors, who has ever
+     since been called a Toast."[7]
+
+Courtships, and the hopes and fears of Shepherds and Shepherdesses, form
+many tender and classic episodes throughout this periodical--
+
+     "Though Cynthio has wit, good sense, fortune, and his very being
+     depends upon her, the termagant for whom he sighs is in love with a
+     fellow who stares in the glass all the time he is with her, and
+     lets her plainly see she may possibly be his rival, but never his
+     mistress. Yet Cynthio, the same unhappy man whom I mentioned in my
+     first narrative, pleases himself with a vain imagination that, with
+     the language of his eyes he shall conquer her, though her eyes are
+     intent upon one who looks from her; which is ordinary with the sex.
+     It is certainly a mistake in the ancients to draw the little
+     gentleman Love as a blind boy, for his real character is a little
+     thief that squints; for ask Mrs. Meddle, who is a confidant or spy
+     upon all the passions in the town, and she will tell you that the
+     whole is a game of cross purposes. The lover is generally pursuing
+     one who is in pursuit of another, and running from one that desires
+     to meet him. Nay, the nature of this passion is so justly
+     represented in a squinting little thief (who is always in a double
+     action) that do but observe Clarissa next time you see her, and you
+     will find when her eyes have made the soft tour round the company,
+     they make no stay on him they say she is to marry, but rest two
+     seconds of a minute on Wildair, who neither looks nor thinks of
+     her, or any woman else. However, Cynthio had a bow from her the
+     other day, upon which he is very much come to himself; and I heard
+     him send his man of an errand yesterday without any manner of
+     hesitation; a quarter of an hour after which he reckoned twenty,
+     remembered he was to sup with a friend, and went exactly to his
+     appointment."
+
+All the love-making in "The Tatler" is of a very correct description.
+Marriage is nowhere despised or ridiculed, though suggestions are made
+for composing the troubles which sometimes accompany it:--
+
+     "A young gentleman of great estate fell desperately in love with a
+     great beauty of very high quality, but as ill-natured as long
+     flattery and an habitual self-will could make her. However, my
+     young spark ventures upon her like a man of quality, without being
+     acquainted with her, or having ever saluted her, until it was a
+     crime to kiss any woman else. Beauty is a thing which palls with
+     possession, and the charms of this lady soon wanted the support of
+     good humour and complacency of manners; upon this, my spark flies
+     to the bottle for relief from satiety; she disdains him for being
+     tired of that for which all men envied him; and he never came home
+     but it was, 'Was there no sot that would stay longer?' 'Would any
+     man living but you?' 'Did I leave all the world for this usage?' to
+     which he, 'Madam, split me, you're very impertinent!' In a word,
+     this match was wedlock in its most terrible appearances. She, at
+     last weary of railing to no purpose, applies to a good uncle, who
+     gives her a bottle he pretended he had bought of Mr. Partridge, the
+     conjurer. 'This,' said he, 'I gave ten guineas for. The virtue of
+     the enchanted liquor (said he that sold it) is such, that if the
+     woman you marry proves a scold (which it seems, my dear niece is
+     your misfortune, as it was your good mother's before you) let her
+     hold three spoonfuls of it in her mouth for a full half hour after
+     you come home.'"
+
+But Steele says that his principal object was "to stem the torrent of
+prejudice and vice." He did not limit himself to making amusement out of
+the affectation of the day; he often directed his humour to higher ends.
+He deprecated inconstancy, observing that a gentleman who presumed to
+pay attention to a lady, should bring with him a character from the one
+he had lately left. He must be especially commended for having been one
+of the first to advocate consideration for the lower animals, and to
+condemn swearing and duelling. The latter, as he said, owed its
+continuance to the force of custom, and he supposes that if a duellist
+"wrote the truth of his heart," he would express himself to his
+lady-love in the following manner:--
+
+     "Madam,--I have so tender a regard for you and your interests that
+     I will knock any man on the head that I observe to be of my mind,
+     and to like you. Mr. Truman, the other day, looked at you in so
+     languishing a manner that I am resolved to run him through
+     to-morrow morning. This, I think, he deserves for his guilt in
+     adoring you, than which I cannot have a greater reason for
+     murdering him, except it be that, you also approve him. Whoever
+     says he dies for you, I will make his words good, for I will kill
+     him,
+
+                                      "I am, Madam,
+
+                           "Your most obedient humble servant."
+
+
+Among other offensive habits, "The Tatler" discountenances the custom of
+taking snuff, then common among ladies.
+
+     "I have been these three years persuading Sagissa[8] to leave it
+     off; but she talks so much, and is so learned, that she is above
+     contradiction. However, an accident brought that about, which all
+     my eloquence could never accomplish. She had a very pretty fellow
+     in her closet, who ran thither to avoid some company that came to
+     visit her; she made an excuse to go to him for some implement they
+     were talking of. Her eager gallant snatched a kiss; but being
+     unused to snuff, some grains from off her upper lip made him sneeze
+     aloud, which alarmed her visitors, and has made a discovery."
+
+[It is impossible to say what effect this ridicule produced upon the
+snuff-taking public, but the custom gradually declined. A hundred years
+later, James Beresford, a fellow of Merton, places among the "Miseries
+of Human Life," the "Leaving off Snuff at the request of your Angel,"
+and writes the following touching farewell.]
+
+   "Box thou art closed, and snuff is but a name!
+  It is decreed my nose shall feast no more!
+    To me no more shall come--whence dost it come?--
+  The precious pulvil from Hibernia's shore!
+
+   "Virginia, barren be thy teeming soil,
+  Or may the swallowing earthquake gulf thy fields!
+    Fribourg and Pontet! cease your trading toil,
+  Or bankruptcy be all the fruit it yields!
+
+   "And artists! frame no more in tin or gold,
+  Horn, paper, silver, coal or skin, the chest,
+    Foredoomed in small circumference to hold
+  The titillating treasures of the West!"
+
+The fellows of Merton seem to have discovered some hidden efficacy in
+snuff.
+
+  "Who doth not know what logic lies concealed,
+  Where diving finger meets with diving thumb?
+  Who hath not seen the opponent fly the field,
+  Unhurt by argument, by snuff struck dumb?
+
+  "The box drawn forth from its profoundest bed,
+  The slow-repeated tap, with frowning brows.
+  The brandished pinch, the fingers widely spread,
+  The arm tossed round, returning to the nose.
+
+  "Who can withstand a battery so strong?
+  Wit, reason, learning, what are ye to these?
+  Or who would toil through folios thick and long,
+  When wisdom may be purchased with a sneeze?
+
+  "Shall I, then, climb where Alps on Alps arise?
+  No; snuff and science are to me a dream,
+  But hold my soul! for that way madness lies,
+  Love's in the scale, tobacco kicks the beam."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Spectator--The Rebus--Injurious Wit--The Everlasting Club--The Lovers'
+  Club--Castles in the Air--The Guardian--Contributions by Pope--"The
+  Agreeable Companion"--The Wonderful Magazine--Joe Miller--Pivot
+  Humour.
+
+When "The Tatler" had completed two hundred and seventy-one numbers, it
+occurred to the fertile mind of Steele that it might be modified with
+advantage. For the future it should be a daily paper, and only contain
+an essay upon one subject. In making this alteration he thought it would
+be better to give the periodical a title of more important
+signification, and accordingly called it the "Spectator." But the most
+important difference was that Addison was to contribute a much larger
+portion of the material. This gave more solidity to the work.
+
+Addison never obtained a questionable success by descending too low in
+coarse language. His style has been recommended as a model, for he is
+lively and interesting without approaching dangerous ground. As we read
+his pleasant pages we can almost agree with Lord Chesterfield
+that:--"True wit never raised a laugh since the world was," but here and
+there we find a passage that shows us the grave censor was mistaken.
+Speaking of the "absurdities of the modern opera" Addison says,
+
+     "As I was walking in the streets about a fortnight ago, I saw an
+     ordinary fellow carrying a cage full of little birds upon his
+     shoulder; and as I was wondering with myself what use he would put
+     them to, he was met very luckily by an acquaintance, who had the
+     same curiosity. Upon his asking what he had upon his shoulder, he
+     told him that he had been buying sparrows for the opera. 'Sparrows
+     for the opera,' says his friend, licking his lips, 'what! are they
+     to be roasted?' 'No, no,' says the other, 'they are to enter
+     towards the end of the first act, and to fly about the stage.'
+
+     "There have been so many flights of sparrows let loose in this
+     opera, that it is feared the house will never get rid of them, and
+     that in other plays they may make their entrance in very wrong and
+     improper scenes, so as to be seen flying in a lady's bedchamber, or
+     perching upon a king's throne; besides the inconvenience which the
+     heads of the audience may sometimes suffer for them. I am credibly
+     informed that there was once a design of casting into an opera the
+     story of Whittington and his Cat, and that in order to it there had
+     been got together a great quantity of mice; but Mr. Rich, the
+     proprietor of the play-house, very prudently considered that it
+     would be impossible for the cat to kill them all, and that
+     consequently the princes of the stage might be as much infested
+     with mice as the prince of the island was before the cat's arrival
+     upon it."
+
+To a letter narrating country sports, and a whistling match won by a
+footman, he adds as a postscript,
+
+     "After having despatched these two important points of grinning and
+     whistling, I hope you will oblige the world with some reflections
+     upon yawning, as I have seen it practised on a Twelfth Night among
+     other Christmas gambols at the house of a very worthy gentleman
+     who entertains his tenants at that time of the year. They yawn for
+     a Cheshire cheese, and begin about midnight, when the whole company
+     is supposed to be drowsy. He that yawns widest, and at the same
+     time so naturally as to produce the most yawns among the
+     spectators, carries home the cheese. If you handle this subject as
+     you ought, I question not but your paper will set half the kingdom
+     a-yawning, though I dare promise you it will never make anybody
+     fall asleep."
+
+Johnson observes that Addison never out-steps the modesty of nature, nor
+raises merriment or wonder by the violation of truth. He wrote several
+essays in the "Spectator" on wit, and condemns much that commonly passes
+under the name. Together with verbal humour and many absurd devices
+connected with it, he especially repudiates the rebus. In the first part
+of the following extract he refers to this device being used for other
+objects than those of amusement, and he might have reminded us of the
+alphabets of primitive times, when the picture of an animal signified
+the sound with which its name commenced; but the rebus proper is merely
+a bad attempt at humour--a sort of pictorial pun--
+
+     "I find likewise among the ancients that ingenious kind of conceit
+     which the moderns distinguish by the name of a rebus, that does not
+     sink a letter, but a whole word, by substituting a picture in its
+     place. When Cæsar was one of the masters of the Roman mint, he
+     placed the figure of an elephant upon the reverse of the public
+     money; the word Cæsar signifying an elephant in the Punic language.
+     This was artificially contrived by Cæsar, because it was not lawful
+     for a private man to stamp his own figure upon the coin of the
+     Commonwealth. Cicero, so called from the founder of his family, who
+     was marked on the nose with a little wen like a vetch, (which is
+     Cicer in Latin,) instead of Marcus Tullius Cicero, ordered the
+     words Marcus Tullius with the figure of a vetch at the end of them,
+     to be inscribed on a public monument. This was done probably to
+     show that he was neither ashamed of his name or family,
+     notwithstanding the envy of his competitors had often reproached
+     him with both. In the same manner we read of a famous building that
+     was marked in several parts of it with the figures of a frog and a
+     lizard; these words in Greek having been the names of the
+     architects, who by the laws of their country were never permitted
+     to inscribe their own names upon their works. For the same reason,
+     it is thought that the forelock of the horse in the antique
+     equestrian statute of Marcus Aurelius, represents at a distance the
+     shape of an owl, to intimate the country of the statuary, who in
+     all probability was an Athenian. This kind of wit was very much in
+     vogue among our own countrymen about an age or two ago, who did not
+     practise it for any oblique reason, as the ancients above
+     mentioned, but purely for the sake of being witty. Among
+     innumerable instances that may be given of this nature, I shall
+     produce the device of one, Mr. Newberry, as I find it mentioned by
+     our learned Camden, in his remains. Mr. Newberry, to represent his
+     name by a picture, hung up at his door the sign of a yew-tree that
+     had several berries upon it, and in the midst of them a great
+     golden N hung upon the bough of the tree, which by the help of a
+     little false spelling made up the word N-ew-berry."
+
+Addison disproved of that severity and malice which was too common among
+the writers of his age. He refers to it in his essays on wit, in
+allusion, as it is thought, to Swift.
+
+     "There is nothing that more betrays a base ungenerous spirit than
+     the giving of secret stabs to a man's reputation; lampoons and
+     satires, that are written with wit and spirit, are like poisoned
+     darts, which not only inflict a wound, but make it incurable. For
+     this reason I am very much troubled when I see the talents of
+     humour and ridicule in the possession of an ill-natured man.... It
+     must indeed be confessed, that a lampoon or a satire does not carry
+     in it robbery or murder; but at the same time, how many are there
+     that would rather lose a considerable sum of money, or even life
+     itself, than be set up as a mark of infamy and derision."
+
+He goes on to notice how various persons behaved under the ordeal--
+
+     "When Julius Cæsar was lampooned by Catullus he invited him to
+     supper, and treated him with such a generous civility that he made
+     the poet his friend ever after. Cardinal Mazarin gave the same kind
+     of treatment to the learned Guillet, who had reflected upon his
+     Eminence in a famous Latin poem. The Cardinal sent for him, and
+     after some kind expostulation upon what he had written, assured him
+     of his esteem, and dismissed him with a promise of the next good
+     Abbey that should fall, which he accordingly conferred upon him a
+     few months after. This had so good an effect upon the author that
+     he dedicated the second edition of his book to the Cardinal, after
+     having expunged the passages, which had given him offence. Sextus
+     Quintus was not of so generous and forgiving a temper. Upon his
+     being made Pope, the statue of Pasquin was dressed in a very dirty
+     shirt, with an excuse written under it, that he was forced to wear
+     foul linen because his laundress was made a princess. This was a
+     reflection upon the Pope's sister, who, before the promotion of her
+     brother, was in those mean circumstances that Pasquin represented
+     her. As this pasquinade made a great noise in Rome, the Pope
+     offered a considerable sum of money to any person that should
+     discover the author of it. The author relying on his Holiness'
+     generosity, as also upon some private overtures he had received
+     from him, made the discovery himself; upon which the Pope gave him
+     the reward he had promised, but at the same time to disable the
+     satirist for the future, ordered his tongue to be cut out, and both
+     his hands to be chopped off."
+
+When Addison treats of the ladies' "commode," a lofty head-dress which
+had been in fashion in his time, he adds reflections which may moderate
+all such vanities--
+
+     "There is not so variable a thing in nature as a lady's head-dress.
+     Within my own memory I have known it rise and fall above thirty
+     degrees. About ten years ago it shot up to a very great height,
+     inasmuch as the female part of our species were much taller than
+     the men. The women were of such an enormous stature that 'we
+     appeared as grasshoppers before them.' At present, the whole sex is
+     in a manner dwarfed and shrunk into a race of beauties that seems
+     almost another species. I remember several ladies who were once
+     very near seven feet high, that at present want some inches of
+     five.... I would desire the fair sex to consider how impossible it
+     is for them to add anything that can be ornamental to what is
+     already the master-piece of Nature. The head has the most beautiful
+     appearance, as well as the highest station in a human figure.
+     Nature has laid out all her art in beautifying the face; she has
+     touched it with vermillion, planted in it a double row of ivory,
+     made it the seat of smiles and blushes, lighted it up, and
+     enlivened it with the brightness of the eyes, hung it on each side
+     with curious organs of sense, given it airs and graces that cannot
+     be described, and surrounded it with such a flowing shade of hair
+     as sets all its beauties in the most agreeable light. In short, she
+     seems to have designed the head as the cupola to the most glorious
+     of her works; and when we load it with such a pile of supernumerary
+     ornaments, we destroy the symmetry of the human figure, and
+     foolishly contrive to call off the eye from great and real
+     beauties, to childish gewgaws, ribbands, and bone-lace."
+
+But the popularity of "The Spectator" was not a little due to the
+stronger and more daring genius of Steele. His writing, though not so
+didactic, or so ripe in style, as that of Addison, was antithetical,
+sparkling, and more calculated to "raise a horse."
+
+The continuation of the periodical, which was carried on by others, was
+not equally successful. In the earlier volumes we recognise Steele's
+hand in the Essays on "Clubs." He gives us an amusing account of the
+"Ugly Club," for which no one was eligible who had not "a visible
+quearity in his aspect, or peculiar cast of countenance;" and of the
+"Everlasting Club," which was to sit day and night from one end of the
+year to another; no party presuming to rise till they were relieved by
+those who were in course to succeed them.
+
+     "This club was instituted towards the end of the Civil Wars, and
+     continued without interruption till the time of the Great Fire,
+     which burnt them out and dispersed them for several weeks. The
+     steward at this time maintained his post till he had been like to
+     have been blown up with a neighbouring house (which was demolished
+     in order to stop the fire) and would not leave the chair at last,
+     till he had emptied all the bottles upon the table, and received
+     repeated directions from the Club to withdraw himself."
+
+The following on "Castles in the Air" is interesting, as Steele himself
+seems to have been addicted to raising such structures,--
+
+     "A castle-builder is even just what he pleases, and as such I have
+     grasped imaginary sceptres, and delivered uncontrollable edicts
+     from a throne to which conquered nations yielded obeisance. I have
+     made I know not how many inroads into France, and ravaged the very
+     heart of that kingdom; I have dined in the Louvre, and drunk
+     champagne at Versailles; and I would have you take notice I am not
+     only able to vanquish a people already 'cowed' and accustomed to
+     flight, but I could Almanzor-like, drive the British general from
+     the field, were I less a Protestant, or had ever been affronted by
+     the confederates. There is no art or profession whose most
+     celebrated masters I have not eclipsed. Wherever I have afforded my
+     salutary presence, fevers have ceased to burn and agues to shake
+     the human fabric. When an eloquent fit has been upon me, an apt
+     gesture and a proper cadence has animated each sentence, and gazing
+     crowds have found their passions worked up into rage, or soothed
+     into a calm. I am short, and not very well made; yet upon sight of
+     a fine woman, I have stretched into proper stature, and killed with
+     a good air and mien. These are the gay phantoms that dance before
+     my waking eyes and compose my day-dreams. I should be the most
+     contented happy man alive, were the chimerical happiness which
+     springs from the paintings of Fancy less fleeting and transitory.
+     But alas! it is with grief of mind I tell you, the least breath of
+     wind has often demolished my magnificent edifices, swept away my
+     groves, and left me no more trace of them than if they had never
+     been. My exchequer has sunk and vanished by a rap on my door; the
+     salutation of a friend has cost me a whole continent, and in the
+     same moment I have been pulled by the sleeve, my crown has fallen
+     from my head. The ill consequences of these reveries is
+     inconceivably great, seeing the loss of imaginary possessions makes
+     impressions of real woe. Besides bad economy is visible and
+     apparent in the builders of imaginary mansions. My tenants'
+     advertisements of ruins and dilapidations often cast a damp over my
+     spirits, even in the instant when the sun, in all his splendour,
+     gilds my Eastern palaces."
+
+In marking the differences between the humour at the time of "The
+Spectator" and that of the present day, we feel happy that the tone of
+society has so altered that such jests as the following would be quite
+inadmissible.
+
+     "Mr. Spectator,--As you are spectator general, I apply myself to
+     you in the following case, viz.: I do not wear a sword, but I often
+     divert myself at the theatre, when I frequently see a set of
+     fellows pull plain people, by way of humour and frolic, by the
+     nose, upon frivolous or no occasion. A friend of mine the other
+     night applauding what a graceful exit Mr. Wilks made, one of those
+     wringers overhearing him, pinched him by the nose. I was in the pit
+     the other night (when it was very much crowded); a gentleman
+     leaning upon me, and very heavily, I very civilly requested him to
+     remove his hand, for which he pulled me by the nose. I would not
+     resent it in so public a place, because I was unwilling to create a
+     disturbance: but have since reflected upon it as a thing that is
+     unmanly and disingenuous, renders the nose-puller odious, and makes
+     the person pulled by the nose look little and contemptible. This
+     grievance I humbly request you will endeavour to redress. I am,
+     &c., JAMES EASY.
+
+     "I have heard of some very merry fellows among whom the frolic was
+     started, and passed by a great majority, that every man should
+     immediately draw a tooth: after which they have gone in a body and
+     smoked a cobler. The same company at another night has each man
+     burned his cravat, and one, perhaps, whose estate would bear it,
+     has thrown a long wig and laced hat into the fire. Thus they have
+     jested themselves stark naked, and run into the streets and
+     frighted the people very successfully. There is no inhabitant of
+     any standing in Covent Garden, but can tell you a hundred good
+     humours where people have come off with a little bloodshed, and yet
+     scoured all the witty hours of the night. I know a gentleman that
+     has several wounds in the head by watch-poles, and has been twice
+     run through the body to carry on a good jest. He is very old for a
+     man of so much good humour; but to this day he is seldom merry, but
+     he has occasion to be valiant at the same time. But, by the favour
+     of these gentlemen, I am humbly of opinion that a man may be a very
+     witty man, and never offend one statute of this kingdom."
+
+More harmless was the joking of Villiers, the last Duke of Buckingham,
+(father of Lady Mary Wortley Montague), who seems to have inherited some
+of the family humour. Addison tells us,
+
+     "One of the wits of the last age, who was a man of a good estate,
+     thought he never laid out his money better than on a jest. As he
+     was one year at Bath, observing that in the great confluence of
+     fine people there were several among them with long chins, a part
+     of the visage by which he himself was very much distinguished, he
+     invited to dinner half a score of these remarkable persons, who had
+     their mouths in the middle of their faces. They had no sooner
+     placed themselves about the table, but they began to stare upon one
+     another, not being able to imagine what had brought them together.
+     Our English proverb says:
+
+      ''Tis merry in the hall
+       When beards wag all.'
+
+     "It proved so in the assembly I am now speaking of, who seeing so
+     many peaks of faces agitated with eating, drinking and discourse,
+     and observing all the chins that were present meeting together very
+     often over the centre of the table, every one grew sensible of the
+     jest, and came into it with so much good humour that they lived in
+     strict friendship and alliance from that day forward."
+
+In August, 1712, a tax of a halfpenny was placed upon newspapers, and
+led to several leading journals being discontinued, a failure
+facetiously termed "the fall of the leaf." "The Spectator" survived the
+loss, but not unshaken, and the price was raised to twopence. It seems
+strange that such an addition should affect a periodical of this
+character, but a penny was a larger sum then than it is now. Steele
+says, "the ingenious J. W. (Dr. Walker, Head-Master of the Charterhouse)
+tells me that I have deprived him of the best part of his breakfast, for
+that since the rise of my paper, he is forced every morning to drink his
+dish of coffee by itself, without the addition of 'The Spectator,' that
+used to be better than lace (_i.e._, brandy) to it."
+
+After "The Spectator" had run through six hundred and thirty-five
+numbers, Steele, with his usual restlessness, discontinued it, or
+rather, changed its name, and called it "The Guardian." He commenced
+writing this new periodical by himself, but soon obtained the assistance
+of Addison. The only feature worth notice in which it differed from its
+predecessor, was the prominent appearance of Pope as an essayist,
+although from political reasons he would have preferred to have been an
+anonymous contributor. Among his articles we may notice a powerful one
+against cruelty to animals and field sports in general. Another was an
+ironical attack upon the Pastorals of Ambrose Philips comparing them
+with his own, and affords an illustration of what we observed in
+another place, that such modes of warfare are easily misunderstood--for
+the essay having been sent to Steele anonymously, he hesitated to
+publish it lest Pope should be offended! But his best article in this
+periodical is directed against poetasters in general--whom he never
+treated with much mercy. He says that poetry is now composed upon
+mechanical principles, in the same way that house-wives make
+plum-puddings--
+
+     "What Molière observes of making a dinner, that any man can do it
+     with money, and if a professed cook cannot without, he has his art
+     for nothing; the same may be said of making a poem, it is easier
+     brought about by him that has a genius, but the skill lies in doing
+     it without one. In pursuance of this end, I shall present the
+     reader with a plain and certain recipe, by which even sonneteers
+     and ladies may be qualified for this grand performance."
+
+He then proceeds to give a "receipt to make an epic poem," and after
+giving directions for the "fable," the "manners," and the "machines," he
+comes to the "descriptions."
+
+     "_For a Tempest._--Take Eurus, Zephyr, Auster, and Boreas, and cast
+     them together in one verse. Add to these of rain, lightning, and of
+     thunder (the loudest you can,) _quantum sufficit_. Mix your clouds
+     and billows well together until they foam, and thicken your
+     description here and there with a quicksand. Brew your tempest well
+     in your head before you set it a blowing.
+
+     "_For a Battle._--Pick a large quantity of images and descriptions
+     from Homer's 'Iliad,' with a spice or two of Virgil, and if there
+     remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a skirmish. Season it
+     well with simiters, and it will make an excellent battle.
+
+     "_For the Language_--(I mean the diction.) Here it will do well to
+     be an imitator of Milton, for you will find it easier to imitate
+     him in this, than in anything else. Hebraisms and Grecisms are to
+     be found in him without the trouble of learning the languages. I
+     knew a painter who (like our poet) had no genius, make his daubings
+     to be thought originals by setting them in the smoke. You may in
+     the same manner give the venerable air of antiquity to your piece,
+     by darkening it up and down with old English. With this you may be
+     easily furnished upon any occasion by the dictionary commonly
+     printed at the end of Chaucer.
+
+     "I must not conclude without cautioning all writers without genius
+     in one material point, which is, never to be afraid of having too
+     much fire in their works. I should advise rather to take their
+     warmest thoughts, and spread them abroad upon paper; for they are
+     observed to cool before they are read."
+
+In an article on laughter by Dr. Birch, Prebendary of Worcester, we have
+the following fanciful list of those who indulge in it:--
+
+     "The dimplers, the smilers, the laughers, the grimacers, the
+     horse-laughers.
+
+     "The dimple is practised to give a grace to the features, and is
+     frequently made a bait to entangle a gazing lover; this was called
+     by the ancients the chin laugh.
+
+     "The smile is for the most part confined to the fair sex and their
+     male retinue. It expresses our satisfaction in a silent sort of
+     approbation, doth not too much disorder the features, and is
+     practised by lovers of the most delicate address. This tender
+     motion of the physignomy the ancients called the Ionic laugh.
+
+     "The laugh among us is the common risus of the ancients. The grin
+     by writers of antiquity is called the Syncrusian, and it was then,
+     as it is at this time, made use of to display a beautiful set of
+     teeth.
+
+     "The horse-laugh, or the sardonic, is made use of with great
+     success in all kinds of disputation. The proficients in this kind,
+     by a well-timed laugh, will baffle the most solid argument. This
+     upon all occasions supplies the want of reason, is always received
+     with great applause in coffee-house disputes, and that side the
+     laugh joins with is generally observed to gain the better of his
+     antagonist."
+
+In an amusing article upon punning, he gives the following instance of
+its beneficial effects:--
+
+     "A friend of mine who had the ague this Spring was, after the
+     failing of several medicines and charms, advised by me to enter
+     into a course of quibbling. He threw his electuaries out of his
+     window, and took Abracadabra off from his neck, and by the mere
+     force of punning upon that long magical word, threw himself into a
+     fine breathing sweat, and a quiet sleep. He is now in a fair way of
+     recovery, and says pleasantly, he is less obliged to the Jesuits
+     for their powder, than for their equivocation."
+
+Several periodicals of a similar character were afterwards published by
+Steele and others, but they wanted the old "salt," and were not equally
+successful.
+
+Thus, in 1745, a humorous periodical of a somewhat different character
+was attempted, which went through eight weekly numbers. It was called
+"The Agreeable Companion; or an Universal Medley of Wit and Good
+Humour." There was little original matter in it, but the proprietor
+recognized the desirability of having pieces by various hands, and so
+made long extracts from Prior, Gay, and Fenton. Although there was a
+considerable number of epitaphs, riddles, and fables, nearly all the
+jests were well known and trite. But the subjoined have a certain amount
+of neatness.
+
+
+  TO DORCAS.
+
+  "Oh! what bosom must but yield,
+  When like Pallas you advance,
+  With a thimble for your shield,
+  And a needle for your lance;
+  Fairest of the stitching train,
+  Ease my passion by your art,
+  And in pity to my pain,
+  Mend the hole that's in my heart."
+
+
+  TO SALLY, AT THE CHOP-HOUSE.
+
+  "Dear Sally, emblem of thy chop-house ware,
+  As broth reviving, and as white bread fair;
+  As small beer grateful, and as pepper strong,
+  As beef-steak tender, as fresh pot-herbs young;
+  Sharp as a knife, and piercing as a fork,
+  Soft as new butter, white as fairest pork;
+  Sweet as young mutton, brisk as bottled beer,
+  Smooth as is oil, juicy as cucumber,
+  And bright as cruet void of vinegar.
+  O, Sally! could I turn and shift my love
+  With the same skill that you your steaks can move,
+  My heart, thus cooked, might prove a chop-house feast,
+  And you alone should be the welcome guest.
+  But, dearest Sal! the flames that you impart,
+  Like chop on gridiron, broil my tender heart!
+  Which if thy kindly helping hand be n't nigh,
+  Must like an up-turned chop, hiss, brown, and fry;
+  And must at least, thou scorcher of my soul,
+  Shrink, and become an undistinguished coal."
+
+As the idea gradually gained ground that it would be necessary that the
+public, or a considerable number of writers, should take part in the
+literary work of a periodical, we now find a more important and
+promising publication called a magazine, and having the grand title of
+"The Wonderful Magazine!" It went through three monthly numbers in 1764.
+Even this was not intended to be exclusively humorous, but was to
+contain light stories as well as paradoxes and inquiries; the editor
+observing in the introduction that "a tailor's pattern-book must consist
+of various colours and various cloths; and what one thinks fashionable,
+another deems ridiculous." To help the new enterprise, an incentive to
+emulation was proposed by the offer of two silver medals, one for the
+most humorous tale, and the other for the best answer to a prize enigma.
+
+The Magazine contained a long story of enchantments, a dramatic scene
+full of conflicts and violence, some old _bons mots_, and pieces of
+indifferent poetry. The editor had evidently no good source to draw
+from, and the best pieces in the work are the following:--
+
+  "Belinda has such wondrous charms,
+  'Tis heaven to be within her arms;
+  And she's so charitably given,
+  She wishes all mankind in heaven."
+
+and
+
+          _A copy of Verses on Mr. Day,
+          Who from his Landlord ran away._
+  "Here Day and Night conspired a sudden flight,
+  For Day, they say, is run away by Night,
+  Day's past and gone. Why, landlord, where's your rent?
+  Did you not see that Day was almost spent?
+  Day pawned and sold, and put off what we might,
+  Though it be ne'er so dark, Day will be light;
+  You had one Day a tenant, and would fain
+  Your eyes could see that Day but once again.
+  No, landlord, no; now you may truly say
+  (And to your cost, too,) you have lost the Day.
+  Day is departed in a mist; I fear,
+  For Day is broke, and yet does not appear.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "But how, now, landlord, what's the matter, pray?
+  What! you can't sleep, you long so much for Day?
+  Cheer up then, man; what though you've lost a sum,
+  Do you not know that pay-day yet will come?
+  I will engage, do you but leave your sorrow,
+  My life for yours, Day comes again to-morrow;
+  And for your rent--never torment your soul,
+  You'll quickly see Day peeping through a hole."
+
+Births, deaths, and marriages are recorded in this Magazine, under such
+headings as "The Merry Gossips," "The Kissing Chronicle," and "The
+Undertaker's Harvest-Home," or "The Squallers--a tragi-comedy," "All for
+Love," and "Act V. Scene the Last."
+
+It seems to have been more easy at that time to collect wonders than
+witticisms--perhaps also the former were more appreciated, for the
+"Wonderful Magazine" was re-commenced in 1793, and went through sixty
+weekly numbers. It was intended to be humorous as well as marvellous,
+but the latter element predominated. Here we have accounts and
+engravings of witches, and of men remarkable for height and corpulence,
+for mental gifts or strange habits--a man is noticed who never took off
+his clothes for forty years. One of the most interesting biographies is
+that of Thomas Britton, known as "the musical small-coal man," who
+started the first musical society, and, notwithstanding his lowly
+calling, had great wit and literary attainments, and was intimate with
+Handel, and many noblemen. Probably he would not have obtained a place
+in this Magazine but for the circumstances of his death. There was, it
+seems, one Honeyman, a blacksmith, who was a ventriloquist, and could
+speak with his mouth closed. He was introduced to Britton, and, by way
+of a joke, told him in a sepulchral voice that he should die in a few
+hours. Britton never recovered the shock, but died a few days afterwards
+in 1714. Among the humorous pieces in this Magazine, we have:--
+
+
+  A DREADFUL SIGHT.
+
+  I saw a peacock with a fiery tail
+  I saw a comet drop down hail
+  I saw a cloud begirt with ivy round
+  I saw a sturdy oak creep on the ground
+  I saw a pismire swallow up a whale
+  I saw the sea brimful of ale
+  I saw a Venice glass full six feet deep
+  I saw a well filled with men's tears that weep
+  I saw men's eyes all in a flame of fire
+  I saw a house high as the moon and higher
+  I saw the sun even at midnight
+  I saw the man who saw this dreadful sight.
+
+There are a few amusing anecdotes in it, such as that about Alphonso,
+King of Naples. It says that he had a fool who recorded in a book the
+follies of the great men of the Court. The king sent a Moor in his
+household to the Levant to buy horses, for which he gave him ten
+thousand ducats, and the fool marked this as a piece of folly. Some time
+afterwards the king asked for the book to look over it, was surprised to
+find his own name, and asked why it was there. "Because," said the
+jester, "you have entrusted your money to one you are never likely to
+see again." "But if he does come again," demanded the king, "and brings
+me the horses, what folly have I committed?" "Well, if he does return,"
+replied the fool, "I'll blot out your name and put in his."
+
+We also find some puns remarkable for an absurdity so extravagant as to
+be noteworthy. There is a string of derivations of names of places
+constructed in the following manner:--
+
+     "When the seamen on board the ship of Christopher Columbus came in
+     sight of San Salvador, they burst out into exuberant mirth and
+     jollity. 'The lads are in a merry key,' cried the commodore.
+     America is now the name of half the globe.
+
+     "The city of Albany was originally settled by Scotch people. When
+     strangers on their arrival there asked how the new comers did, the
+     answer was 'All bonny.' The spelling is now a little altered but
+     the sound is the same.
+
+     "When the French first settled on the banks of the river St.
+     Lawrence, they were stinted by the intendant, Monsieur Picard, to a
+     can of spruce beer a day. The people thought this measure very
+     scant, and were constantly exclaiming, 'Can-a-day!' It would be
+     ungenerous of any reader to require a more rational derivation of
+     the word Canada."
+
+No name is more familiar to us in connection with humour than that of
+"Joe" (Josias) Miller. He was well known as a comedian, between 1710 and
+1738, and had considerable natural talent, but was unable to read. He
+owes his celebrity to popular jest books having been put forward in his
+name soon after his death.[9] It was common at that time, as we have
+seen in the case of Scogan, for compilers to seek to give currency to
+their humorous collections by attributing them to some celebrated wit of
+the day. To Jo Miller was attributed the humour most effective at the
+period in which he lived, and it has since passed as a byword for that
+which is broad and pointless. Sometimes it merely suggests staleness,
+and I have heard it said that he must have been the cleverest man in the
+world, for nobody ever heard a good story related that someone did not
+afterwards say that it was "a Jo Miller."
+
+A question may here be raised whether these humorous sayings, which are
+similar in all ages, have been handed down or re-invented over and over
+again. It must be admitted that the minds of men have a tendency to move
+in the same direction, and may have struck upon the same points in ages
+widely separated. In reading general literature, we constantly find the
+same thought suggesting itself to different writers, and I have known
+two people, who had no acquaintance with each other, make precisely the
+same joke--original in both cases. On the other hand, the rarity of
+genuine humour has given a permanent character to many clever sayings,
+and there has always been a demand for them to enliven the convivial and
+social intercourse of mankind. Their subtlety--the small points on which
+they turn--makes it difficult to remember them, but there will be always
+some men, who will treasure them for the delectation of their friends.
+It is remarkable that people are never tired of repeating humorous
+sayings, though they are soon wearied of hearing a repetition of them by
+others. A man who cannot endure to hear a joke three times, will keep
+telling the same one over and over all his life, and but for this, fewer
+good stories would survive. The pleasure derived from humour, while it
+lasts, is greater than that from sentiment or wisdom; hence we repeat it
+more in daily converse than poetry or proverbs, and the constant
+reproduction of it until it is reduced to a mere phantom, causes its
+influence to appear more transient than it is.
+
+And hence, although humour is generally "fleeting as the flowers," some
+of the jests, which pass with us as new, are more than two thousand
+years old. Porson said that he could trace back all the "Joe Millers" to
+a Greek origin. The domestic cat--the cause of many of our household
+calamities--was in full activity in the days of Aristophanes. Then, as
+now, mourners had recourse to the friendly onion; and if Pythagoreans
+had never dreamed of a donkey becoming a man, they had often known a man
+to become a donkey. If they were not able to skin a flint, they knew
+well what was meant by "skinning a flayed dog," and "shearing an ass."
+These and similar sayings, being of a simple character, may have been
+due to the same thought occurring to different minds, and this may be
+the case even where there is more point; thus, "an ass laden with gold
+will get into the strongest fortress," has been attributed to Frederick
+the Great and to Napoleon, and may have been due to both. The saying
+"Treat a friend as though he would one day become an enemy," has been
+attributed to Lord Chesterfield, to Publius Syrus, and even to Bias, one
+of the Seven Wise Men of Greece. Many may exclaim, "Perish those who
+have said our good things before us!"
+
+But where the saying is very remarkable, or depends on some peculiar
+circumstances, we may conclude that there is one original, and that upon
+this pivot a number of different names and characters have been made to
+revolve. It has been ascribed to or appropriated by many. We have read
+of two eminent comic writers in classical times dying of laughter at
+seeing an ass eat figs. Here it is most probable that there was some
+standing joke upon this subject, or that some instance of the kind
+occurred, and so this strange death came to be attributed to several
+individuals. The saying,
+
+  "On two days is a wife enjoyable,
+  That of her bridal and her burial,"
+
+attributed to Palladas in the fifth century A.D., was really
+due to Hipponax in the fifth century B.C.
+
+There is a story that Lord Stair was so like Louis XIV. that, when he
+went to the French Court, the King asked him whether his mother was ever
+in France, and that he replied "No, your Majesty, but my father was."
+This is in reality a Roman story, and the answer was made to Augustus by
+a young man from the country.
+
+Sydney Smith's reply when it was proposed to pave the approach to St.
+Paul's with blocks of wood, "The canons have only to put their heads
+together and it will be done," was not original; Rochester had made a
+similar remark to Charles II. when he noticed a construction near
+Shoreditch: and the story of the man who complained that the chicken
+brought up for his dinner had only one leg, and was told to go and look
+into the roost-house, is to be found in an old Turkish jest-book of the
+fifteenth century. When Byron said of Southey's poems that "they would
+be read when Homer and Virgil were forgotten--but not till then," he was
+no doubt repeating what Porson said of Sir Richard Blackmore's. "Most
+literary stories," observes Mr. Willmott, "seem to be shadows, brighter
+or fainter, of others told before."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Sterne--His Versatility--Dramatic Form--Indelicacy--Sentiment and
+  Geniality--Letters to his Wife--Extracts from his Sermons--Dr.
+  Johnson.
+
+
+Sterne exceeded Smollett[10] in indelicacy as much as in humorous
+talent. He calls him Smelfungus, because he had written a fastidious
+book of travels. But he profited by his works, and the character of
+Uncle Toby reminds us considerably of Commodore Trunnion. But Sterne is
+more immediately associated in our minds with Swift, for both were
+clergymen, and both Irishmen by birth, though neither by parentage.
+Sterne's great-grandfather had been Archbishop of York, and his mother
+heiress of Sir Roger Jacques, of Elvington in Yorkshire. Through family
+interest Sterne became a Prebendary of York, and obtained two livings;
+at one of which he spent his time in quiet obscurity until his
+forty-seventh year, when the production of "Tristram Shandy" made him
+famous. He did not long enjoy his laurels, dying nine years afterwards
+in 1768.
+
+In both Sterne and Swift, as well as Congreve, we see the fertile
+erratic fancy of Ireland improved by the labour and reflection of
+England. Sterne's humour was inferior to Swift's, narrower and smaller;
+it was a sparkling wine, but light-bodied, and often bad in colour. His
+pleasantry had no depth or general bearing. He appealed to the senses,
+referred entirely to some particular and trivial coincidence, and often
+put amatory weaknesses under contribution to give it force. The current
+of his thoughts glided naturally and imperceptibly into poetry and
+humour, but his subject matter was not intellectual, though he sometimes
+showed fine emotional feeling.
+
+Under the head of acoustic humour we may place that abruptness of style
+which he managed so adroitly, and that dramatic punctuation, which he
+may be said to have invented, and of which no one ever else made so much
+use. No doubt he was an accomplished speaker; and we know that he had a
+good ear for music.
+
+There is something in Sterne which reminds us of a conjurer exhibiting
+tricks on the stage; in one place indeed, he speaks of his cap and
+bells, and no doubt many would have thought them more suitable to him
+than a cap and gown. He was a versatile man; fond of light and artistic
+pursuits, occupying, as he tells us, his leisure time with books,
+painting, fiddling, and shooting. In his nature there was much emotion
+and exuberance of mind, being that of an accomplished rather than of a
+thoughtful man; and we can believe when he avers that he "said a
+thousand things he never dreamed of." He had not sufficient foundation
+for humour of the highest kind; but in form and diction he was
+unrivalled. Perhaps this was why Thackeray said "he was a great jester,
+not a great humorist." But he had a dashing style, and the quick
+succession of ideas necessary for a successful author. Not only was he
+master of writing, but of the kindred art of rhetoric. He makes a
+correction in the accentuation of Corporal Trim, who begins to read a
+sermon with the text,--
+
+     "_For we trust we have a good conscience._ Heb. xiii., 8.
+     'TRUST! Trust we have a good conscience!!' 'Certainly,'
+     Trim, quoth my father, interrupting him, 'you give that sentence a
+     very improper accent, for you curl up your nose, man, and read it
+     with such a sneering tone, as if the parson was going to abuse the
+     apostle.'"
+
+The same kind of discrimination is shown in the following--
+
+     "'And how did Garrick speak the soliloquy last night?' 'Oh, against
+     all rule, my lord--most ungrammatically. Betwixt the substantive
+     and the adjective, which should agree together in number, case, and
+     gender, he made a breach thus, stopping, as if the point wanted
+     settling; and betwixt the nominative case, which your lordship
+     knows should govern the verb, he suspended his voice in the
+     epilogue a dozen times, three seconds and three-fifths by a stop
+     watch, my lord, each time.' 'Admirable grammarism!' 'But in
+     suspending his voice, was the sense suspended likewise? Did no
+     expression of attitude or countenance fill up the chasm? Was the
+     eye silent? Did you narrowly look?' 'I looked only at the stop
+     watch, my lord.' 'Excellent observer!'"
+
+His sensibility and taste in this direction was probably one of the
+bonds of the close intimacy, which existed between himself and David
+Garrick.
+
+We find among his works, numerous instances of his peculiar and artistic
+punctuation. Sometimes he continues an exclamation by means of dashes
+for three lines. Sometimes, by way of pause, he leaves out a whole page,
+and the first time he does this he humorously adds:--"Thrice happy book!
+thou wilt have one page which malice cannot blacken." One of the
+chapters of Tristram begins--
+
+"And a chapter it shall have."
+
+"A sermon commences--Judges xix. 1. 2. 3.
+
+     "'And it came to pass in those days, when there was no king in
+     Israel, that there was a certain Levite sojourning on the side of
+     Mount Ephraim, who took unto himself a concubine.'
+
+     "'A concubine! but the text accounts for it, for in those days
+     'there was no king in Israel!' then the Levite, you will say, like
+     every other man in it, did what was right in his own eyes; and so,
+     you may add, did his concubine too, for she went away.'"
+
+Another from Ecclesiastes--
+
+     "'It is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of
+     feasting.'--Eccl. vii. 2.
+
+     "That I deny--but let us hear the wise man's reasoning for
+     it:--'for that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to
+     his heart; sorrow is better than laughter, for a crack-brained
+     order of enthusiastic monks, I grant, but not for men of the
+     world.'"
+
+Of course, he introduces this cavil to combat it, but still maintains
+that travellers may be allowed to amuse themselves with the beauties of
+the country they are passing through.
+
+The following represents his arrival in the Paris of his day--
+
+     "Crack, crack! crack, crack! crack, crack!--so this is Paris! quoth
+     I,--and this is Paris!--humph!--Paris! cried I, repeating the name
+     the third time."
+
+     "The first, the finest, the most brilliant!
+
+     "The streets, however, are nasty.
+
+     "But it looks, I suppose, better than it smells. Crack, crack!
+     crack, crack! what a fuss thou makest! as if it concerned the good
+     people to be informed that a man with a pale face, and clad in
+     black had the honour to be driven into Paris at nine o'clock at
+     night, by a postillion in a tawny yellow jerkin, turned up with a
+     red calamanco! Crack! crack! crack! crack! crack! I wish thy
+     whip----But it is the spirit of the nation; so crack, crack on."
+
+Here is another instance;--
+
+     "Ptr--r--r--ing--twing--twang--prut--trut;--'tis a cursed bad
+     fiddle. Do you know whether my fiddle's in tune or no?--trut--prut.
+     They should be fifths. 'Tis wickedly strung--tr--a, e, i, o, u,
+     twang. The bridge is a mile too high, and the sound post absolutely
+     down,--else,--trut--prut.
+
+     "Hark! 'tis not so bad in tone. Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle,
+     diddle, diddle, dum. There is nothing in playing before good
+     judges; but there's a man there--no, not him with the bundle under
+     his arm--the grave man in black,--'sdeath! not the man with the
+     sword on. Sir, I had rather play a capriccio to Calliope herself
+     than draw my bow across my fiddle before that very man; and yet
+     I'll stake my Cremona to a Jew's trump, which is the greatest odds
+     that ever were laid, that I will this moment stop three hundred and
+     fifty leagues out of time upon my fiddle without punishing one
+     single nerve that belongs to him. Twiddle diddle,--tweddle
+     diddle,--twiddle diddle,--twoddle diddle,--twiddle
+     diddle;--prut-trut--krish--krash--krush,--I've outdone you, Sir,
+     but you see he's no worse; and was Apollo to take his fiddle after
+     me, he can make him no better. Diddle diddle; diddle diddle, diddle
+     diddle,--hum--dum--drum.
+
+     "Your worships and your reverences love music, and God has made you
+     all with good ears, and some of you play delightfully yourselves;
+     trut-prut--prut-trut."
+
+In the following passages we may also observe that peculiar neat and
+dramatic form of expression for which Sterne was remarkable.
+
+     "'Are we not,' continued Corporal Trim, looking still at
+     Susanah--'Are we not like a flower of the field?' A tear of pride
+     stole in betwixt every two tears of humiliation--else no tongue
+     could have described Susanah's affliction--'Is not all flesh
+     grass?--'Tis clay--'tis dirt.' They all looked directly at the
+     scullion;--the scullion had been just scouring a fish kettle--It
+     was not fair.
+
+     "'What is the finest face man ever looked at?' 'I could hear Trim
+     talk so for ever,' cried Susanah, 'What is it?' Susanah laid her
+     head on Trim's shoulder--'but corruption!'--Susanah took it off.
+
+     "Now I love you for this;--and 'tis this delicious mixture within
+     you, which makes you dear creatures what you are;--and he, who
+     hates you for it--all I can say of the matter is--that he has
+     either a pumpkin for his head, or a pippin for his heart...."
+
+     "Wanting the remainder of a fragment of paper on which he found an
+     amusing story, he asked his French servant for it; La Fleur said he
+     had wrapped it round the stalks of a bouquet, which he had given to
+     his _demoiselle_ upon the Boulevards. 'Then, prithee, La Fleur,'
+     said I 'step back to her, and see if thou canst get it.' 'There is
+     no doubt of it,' said La Fleur, and away he flew.
+
+     "In a very little time the poor fellow came back quite out of
+     breath, with deeper marks of disappointment in his looks than would
+     arise from the simple irreparability of the payment. _Juste ciel!_
+     in less than two minutes that the poor fellow had taken his last
+     farewell of her--his faithless mistress had given his _gage
+     d'amour_ to one of the Count's footmen--the footman to a young
+     semptress--and the semptress to a fiddler, with my fragment at the
+     end of it. Our misfortunes were involved together--I gave a sigh,
+     and La Fleur echoed it back to my ear. 'How perfidious!' cried La
+     Fleur, 'How unlucky,' said I.
+
+     "'I should not have been mortified, Monsieur,' quoth La Fleur, 'If
+     she had lost it.'
+
+     "'Nor I, La Fleur,' said I, 'had I found it.'"
+
+We very commonly form our opinion of an Author's character from his
+writings, and there is no doubt that his tendencies can scarcely fail to
+betray themselves to a careful observer. But experience has generally
+taught him to curb or quicken his feelings according to the notions of
+the public taste, so that he often expresses the sentiments of others
+rather than his own. Hence a literary friend once observed to me that a
+man is very different from what his writings would lead you to suppose.
+I think there are certain indications in Sterne's writings that he
+introduced those passages to which objection was justly taken for the
+purpose of catching the favour of the public. He had already published
+some Sermons, which, he says, "found neither purchasers nor readers."
+
+Conscious of his talent, and being no doubt reminded of it by his
+friends, he wished to obtain a field for it, and determined now to try a
+different course. He wrote "Tristram Shandy" as he says "not to be fed,
+but to be famous," and so just was the opinion of what would please the
+age in which he lived that we find the quiet country rector suddenly
+transformed into the most popular literary man of the day,--going up to
+London and receiving more invitations than he could accept. He had made
+his gold current by a considerable admixture of alloy; and endeavoured
+to excuse his offences of this kind by a variety of subterfuges. Upon
+one occasion, he compared them to the antics of children which although
+unseemly, are performed with perfect innocence.
+
+Of course this was a jest. Sterne was not living in a Paradisaical age,
+and he intentionally overstept the boundaries of decorum. But granting
+he had an object in view, was he justified in adopting such means to
+obtain it? certainly not; but he had some right to laugh, as he does, at
+the inconsistency of the public, who, while they blamed his books,
+bought up the editions of them as fast as they could be issued.
+
+If Sterne's humour was often offensive, we must in justice admit it was
+never cynical. Had it possessed more satire it would have, perhaps, been
+more instructive, but there was a bright trait in Sterne's character,
+that he never accused others. On the contrary, he censures men who,
+"wishing to be thought witty, and despairing of coming honestly by the
+title, try to affect it by shrewd and sarcastic reflections upon
+whatever is done in the world. This is setting up trade with the broken
+stock of other people's failings--perhaps their misfortunes--so, much
+good may it do them with what honour they can get--the farthest extent
+of which, I think, is to be praised, as we do some sauces--with tears in
+our eyes. It has helped to give a bad name to wit, as if the main
+essence of it was satire."
+
+Sterne had no personal enmities; his faults were all on the amiable
+side, nor can we imagine a selfish cold-hearted sensualist writing "Dear
+Sensibility, source inexhausted by all that is precious in our joys, or
+costly in our sorrows." His letters to his wife before their marriage
+exhibit the most tender and beautiful sentiments;--
+
+     "My L---- talks of leaving the country; may a kind angel guide thy
+     steps hither--Thou sayest thou will quit the place with regret;--I
+     think I see you looking twenty times a day at the house--almost
+     counting every brick and pane of glass, and telling them at the
+     same time with a sigh, you are going to leave them--Oh, happy
+     modification of matter! they will remain insensible to thy loss.
+     But how wilt thou be able to part with thy garden? the recollection
+     of so many pleasant walks must have endeared it to you. The trees,
+     the shrubs, the flowers, which thou reared with thy own hands, will
+     they not droop, and fade away sooner upon thy departure? Who will
+     be thy successor to raise them in thy absence? Thou wilt leave thy
+     name upon the myrtle tree--If trees, shrubs, and flowers could
+     compose an elegy, I should expect a very plaintive one on this
+     subject."
+
+In the course of one of his sermons he writes very characteristically--
+
+     "Let the torpid monk seek heaven comfortless and alone, God speed
+     him! For my own part, I fear I should never so find the way; let me
+     be wise and religious, but let me be man; wherever Thy Providence
+     places me, or whatever be the road I take to get to Thee, give me
+     some companion in my journey, be it only to remark to. 'How our
+     shadows lengthen as the sun goes down,' to whom I may say, 'How
+     fresh is the face of nature! How sweet the flowers of the field!
+     How delicious are these fruits!'"
+
+We believe these to have been sincere expressions--inside his motley
+garb he had a heart of tenderness. It went forth to all, even to the
+animal world--to the caged starling. Some may attribute the ebullitions
+of feeling in his works to affectation, but those who have read them
+attentively will observe the same impulses too generally predominant to
+be the work of design. The story of the prisoner Le Fevre and of Maria
+bear the brightest testimony to his character in this respect. What
+sentiments can surpass in poetic beauty or religious feeling that in
+which he commends the distraught girl to the beneficence of the Almighty
+who "tempers the wind to the shorn lamb."
+
+We have no proof that Sterne was a dissipated man. He expressly denies
+it in a letter written shortly before his death, and in another, he
+says, "The world has imagined because I wrote 'Tristram Shandy,' that I
+myself was more Shandean than I really was." In his day many, not only
+of the laity, but of the clergy, thought little of indulging in coarse
+jests, and of writing poetry which contained much more wit than decency.
+Sterne having lived in retirement until 1759, must have had a feeble
+constitution, for in the Spring of 1762 he broke a blood vessel, and
+again in the same Autumn he "bled the bed full," owing, as he says, to
+the temperature of Paris, which was "as hot as Nebuchadnezzar's oven."
+He complains of the fatigue of writing and preaching, and these
+dangerous attacks were constantly recurring, until the time of his
+death.
+
+Sterne's sermons went through seven editions. They are not doctrinal,
+but enjoin benevolence and charity. There is not so much humour in them
+as in some of the present day, but he sometimes gives point to his
+reflections.
+
+On the subject of religious fanaticism he says:--
+
+     "When a poor disconsolate drooping creature is terrified from all
+     enjoyments--prays without ceasing till his imagination is
+     heated--fasts and mortifies and mopes till his body is in as bad a
+     plight as his mind, is it a wonder that the mechanical disturbances
+     and conflicts of an empty belly, interpreted by an empty head,
+     should be mistaken for the workings of a different kind to what
+     they are? or that in such a situation every commotion should help
+     to fix him in this malady, and make him a fitter subject for the
+     treatment of a physician than of a divine.
+
+     "The insolence of base minds in success is boundless--not unlike
+     some little particles of matter struck off from the surface of the
+     dial by the sunshine, they dance and sport there while it lasts,
+     but the moment it is withdrawn they fall down--for dust they are,
+     and unto dust they will return.
+
+     "When Absalom is cast down, Shimei is the first man who hastens to
+     meet David; and had the wheel turned round a hundred times. Shimei,
+     I dare say, at every period of its rotation, would have been
+     uppermost. Oh, Shimei! would to heaven when thou wast slain, that
+     all thy family had been slain with thee, and not one of thy
+     resemblance left! but ye have multiplied exceedingly and
+     replenished the earth; and if I prophecy rightly, ye will in the
+     end subdue it."
+
+Dr. Johnson speaks of "the man Sterne," and was jealous of his receiving
+so many more invitations than himself. But the good Doctor with all his
+learning and intellectual endowments was not so pleasant a companion as
+Sterne, and, although sometimes sarcastic, had none of his talent for
+humour.
+
+Johnson wrote some pretty Anacreontics, but his turn of mind was rather
+grave than gay. He was generally pompous, which together with his
+self-sufficiency led Cowper, somewhat irreverently, to call him a
+"prig." Among his few light and humorous snatches, we have lines written
+in ridicule of certain poems published in 1777--
+
+  "Wheresoe'er I turn my view,
+  All is strange, yet nothing new;
+  Endless labour all along,
+  Endless labour to be wrong:
+
+  "Phrase that time has flung away
+  Uncouth words in disarray,
+  Tricked in antique ruff and bonnet
+  Ode, and elegy, and sonnet."
+
+An imitation--
+
+  "Hermit poor in solemn cell
+  Wearing out life's evening grey,
+  Strike thy bosom sage and tell
+  Which is bliss, and which the way.
+
+  "Thus I spoke, and speaking sighed
+  Scarce repressed the starting tear
+  When the hoary sage replyed
+  'Come my lad, and drink some beer.'"
+
+The following is an impromptu conceit. "To Mrs. Thrale, on her
+completing her thirty-fifth year."
+
+  "Oft in danger, yet alive,
+  We are come to thirty-five;
+  Long may better years arrive
+  Better years than thirty-five,
+  Could philosophers contrive
+  Life to stop at thirty-five,
+  Time his hours should never drive
+  O'er the bounds of thirty-five.
+  High to soar, and deep to dive,
+  Nature gives at thirty-five,
+  Ladies stock and tend your hive,
+  Trifle not at thirty-five,
+  For howe'er we boast and strive
+  Life declines from thirty-five.
+  He that ever hopes to thrive
+  Must begin by thirty-five,
+  And all who wisely wish to wive
+  Must look on Thrale at thirty-five."
+
+There is a pleasing mixture of wisdom and humour in the following stanza
+written to Miss Thrale on hearing her consulting a friend as to a dress
+and hat she was inclined to wear--
+
+  "Wear the gown and wear the hat
+  Snatch thy pleasures while they last,
+  Had'st thou nine lives like a cat
+  Soon those nine lives would be past."
+
+Johnson's friends Garrick and Foote, although so great in the mimetic
+art, do not deserve any particular mention as writers of comedy.
+
+It is said that Garrick went to a school in Tichfield at which Johnson
+was an usher, and that master and pupil came up to London together to
+seek their fortunes. But although Garrick became the first of comic
+actors, he produced nothing literary but a few indifferent farces. The
+same may be said of Foote, who was also a celebrated wit in
+conversation. Johnson said, "For loud, obstreperous, broad-faced mirth,
+I know not his equal."
+
+One of Dr. Johnson's friends was Mrs. Charlotte Lennox to whom he gives
+the palm among literary ladies. Up to this time there were few lady
+humorists, and none of an altogether respectable description. But Mrs.
+Lennox appeared as a harbinger of that refined and harmless pleasantry
+which has since sparkled through the pages of our best authoresses. She
+wrote a comedy, poems, and novels, her most remarkable production being
+the Female Quixote. Here a young lady who had been reading romances,
+enacts the heroine with very amusing results. In plan the work is a
+close imitation of Don Quixote but the character is not so natural as
+that drawn by Cervantes.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+Dodsley--"A Muse in Livery"--"The Devil's a Dunce"--"The Toy
+  Shop"--Fielding--Smollett.
+
+Robert Dodsley was born in 1703. He was the son of a schoolmaster in
+Mansfield, but went into domestic service as a footman, and held several
+respectable situations. While in this capacity, he employed his leisure
+time in composing poetry, and he appropriately named his first
+production "A Muse in Livery." The most pleasant and interesting of
+these early poems is that in which he gives an account of his daily
+life, showing how observant a footman may be. It is in the form of an
+epistle:--
+
+  "Dear friend,
+  Since I am now at leisure,
+  And in the country taking pleasure,
+  It may be worth your while to hear
+  A silly footman's business there;
+  I'll try to tell in easy rhyme
+  How I in London spent my time.
+  And first,
+  As soon as laziness would let me
+  I rise from bed, and down I sit me
+  To cleaning glasses, knives, and plate,
+  And such like dirty work as that,
+  Which (by the bye) is what I hate!
+  This done, with expeditious care
+  To dress myself I straight prepare,
+  I clean my buckles, black my shoes,
+  Powder my wig and brush my clothes,
+  Take off my beard and wash my face,
+  And then I'm ready for the chase.
+  Down comes my lady's woman straight,
+  'Where's Robin?' 'Here!' 'Pray take your hat
+  And go--and go--and go--and go--
+  And this and that desire to know.'
+  The charge received, away run I
+  And here and there, and yonder fly,
+  With services and 'how d'ye does,'
+  Then home return well fraught with news.
+  Here some short time does interpose
+  Till warm effluvias greet my nose,
+  Which from the spits and kettles fly,
+  Declaring dinner time is nigh.
+  To lay the cloth I now prepare
+  With uniformity and care;
+  In order knives and forks are laid,
+  With folded napkins, salt, and bread:
+  The sideboards glittering too appear
+  With plate and glass and china-ware.
+  Then ale and beer and wine decanted,
+  And all things ready which are wanted.
+  The smoking dishes enter in,
+  To stomachs sharp a grateful scene;
+  Which on the table being placed,
+  And some few ceremonies past,
+  They all sit down and fall to eating,
+  Whilst I behind stand silent waiting.
+  This is the only pleasant hour
+  Which I have in the twenty-four.
+  For whilst I unregarded stand,
+  With ready salver in my hand,
+  And seem to understand no more
+  Than just what's called for out to pour,
+  I hear and mark the courtly phrases,
+  And all the elegance that passes;
+  Disputes maintained without digression,
+  With ready wit and fine expression;
+  The laws of true politeness stated,
+  And what good breeding is, debated.
+    This happy hour elapsed and gone,
+  The time for drinking tea comes on,
+  The kettle filled, the water boiled,
+  The cream provided, biscuits piled,
+  And lamp prepared, I straight engage
+  The Lilliputian equipage,
+  Of dishes, saucers, spoons and tongs,
+  And all the et cetera which thereto belongs;
+  Which ranged in order and decorum
+  I carry in and set before 'em,
+  Then pour the green or bohea out,
+  And as commanded hand about."
+
+After the early dinner and "dish" of tea, his mistress goes out visiting
+in the evening, and Dodsley precedes her with a flambeau.
+
+Another fancy was entitled "The Devil's a Dunce," was directed against
+the Pope.[11] Two friends apply to him for absolution, one rich and the
+other poor. The rich man obtained the pardon, but the poor sued in vain,
+the Pope replying:--
+
+  "I cannot save you if I would,
+  Nor would I do it if I could."
+
+  "Home goes the man in deep despair,
+  And died soon after he came there,
+  And went 'tis said to hell: but sure
+  He was not there for being poor!
+  But long he had not been below
+  Before he saw his friend come too.
+  At this he was in great surprise
+  And scarcely could believe his eyes,
+  'What! friend,' said he, 'are you come too?
+  I thought the Pope had pardoned you.'
+  'Yes,' quoth the man, 'I thought so too,
+  But I was by the Pope trepanned,
+  _The devil couldn't read his hand_.'"
+
+The footman's next literary attempt was in a dramatic poem named "The
+Toy-Shop," and he had the courage to send it to Pope. Why he selected
+this poet does not plainly appear; by some it is said that his then
+mistress introduced her servant's poems to Pope's notice, but it is not
+improbable that Dodsley had heard of him from his brother, who was
+gardener to Mr. Allen of Prior Park, Bath, where Pope was often on a
+visit. However this may have been, he received a very kind letter from
+the poet, and an introduction to Mr. Rich, whose approval of the piece
+led to its being performed at Covent Garden.[12] This play was the
+foundation of Dodsley's fortune. By means of the money thus obtained, he
+set himself up as a bookseller in Pall Mall, and became known to the
+world of rank and genius. He produced successively "The King and the
+Miller of Mansfield," and "The Blind Beggar of Bethnal Green." He
+published for Pope, and in 1738, Samuel Johnson sold his first original
+publication to him for ten guineas. He suggested to Dr. Johnson the
+scheme of writing an English Dictionary, and also, in conjunction with
+Edmund Burke, commenced the "Annual Register." Dodsley's principal work
+was the "Economy of Human Life," written in an aphoristic style, and
+ascribed to Lord Chesterfield. He also made a collection of six volumes
+of contemporary poems, and they show how much rarer humour was than
+sentiment, for Dodsley was not a man to omit anything sparkling. The
+following imitation of Ambrose Philips--a general butt--has merit:
+
+
+  A PIPE OF TOBACCO.
+
+  Little tube of mighty power,
+  Charmer of an idle hour,
+  Object of my warm desire
+  Lip of wax, and eye of fire,
+  And thy snowy taper waist
+  With my finger gently braced,
+  And thy pretty smiling crest
+  With my little stopper pressed,
+  And the sweetest bliss of blisses
+  Breathing from thy balmy kisses,
+  Happy thrice and thrice again
+  Happiest he of happy men,
+  Who, when again the night returns,
+  When again the taper burns,
+  When again the cricket's gay,
+  (Little cricket full of play),
+  Can afford his tube to feed
+  With the fragrant Indian weed.
+  Pleasures for a nose divine
+  Incense of the god of wine,
+  Happy thrice and thrice again,
+  Happiest he of happy men.
+
+Few humorous writers have attained to a greater celebrity than Fielding.
+He was born in 1707, was a son of General Fielding, and a relative of
+Lord Denbigh. In his early life, his works, which were comedies, were
+remarkable for severe satire, and some of them so political as to be
+instrumental in leading to the Chamberlain's supervision of the stage.
+His turn of mind was decidedly cynical.
+
+In the "Pleasures of the Town," we have many songs, of which the
+following is a specimen:--
+
+  "The stone that always turns at will
+  To gold, the chemist craves;
+  But gold, without the chemist's skill,
+  Turns all men into knaves.
+
+  "The merchant would the courtier cheat,
+  When on his goods he lays
+  Too high a price--but faith he's bit--
+  For a courtier never pays.
+
+  "The lawyer with a face demure,
+  Hangs him who steals your pelf,
+  Because the good man can endure
+  No robber but himself.
+
+  "Betwixt the quack and highwayman,
+  What difference can there be?
+  Tho' this with pistol, that with pen,
+  Both kill you for a fee."
+
+His plays were not very successful. They abounded in witty sallies and
+repartee, but the general plot was not humorous. The jollity was of a
+rough farcical character. It was said he left off writing for the stage
+when he should have begun. He took little care with his plays, and would
+go home late from a tavern, and bring a dramatic scene in the morning,
+written on the paper in which he had wrapped his tobacco.
+
+In many of his works he shows a mind approaching that of the Roman
+satirists. Speaking of "Jonathan Wild," he says:--
+
+     "I think we may be excused for suspecting that the splendid palaces
+     of the great are often no other than Newgate with the mask on; nor
+     do I know anything which can raise an honest man's indignation
+     higher than that the same morals should be in one place attended
+     with all imaginary misery and infamy, and in the other with the
+     highest luxury and honour. Let any impartial man in his senses be
+     asked, for which of these two places a composition of cruelty,
+     lust, avarice, rapine, insolence, hypocrisy, fraud, and treachery
+     is best fitted? Surely his answer will be certain and immediate;
+     and yet I am afraid all these ingredients glossed over with wealth
+     and a title have been treated with the highest respect and
+     veneration in the one, while one or two of them have been condemned
+     to the gallows in the other. If there are, then, any men of such
+     morals, who dare call themselves great, and are so reputed, or
+     called at least, by the deceived multitude, surely a little private
+     censure by the few is a very moderate tax for them to pay."
+
+There is a considerable amount of humour in Fielding's "Journey from
+this World to the Next." He represents the spirits as drawing lots
+before they enter this life as to what their destinies are to be, and he
+introduces a sort of migration of souls, in which Julian becomes a king,
+fool, tailor, beggar, &c. As a tailor, he speaks of the dignity of his
+calling, "the prince gives the title, but the tailor makes the man." Of
+course his reflections turn very much upon his bills.
+
+     "Courtiers," he says, "may be divided into two sorts, very
+     essentially different from each other; into those who never intend
+     to pay for their clothes, and those who do intend to pay for them,
+     but are never able. Of the latter sort are many of those young
+     gentlemen whom we equip out for the army, and who are, unhappily
+     for us, cast off before they arrive at preferment. This is the
+     reason why tailors in time of war are mistaken for politicians by
+     their inquisitiveness into the event of battles, one campaign very
+     often proving the ruin of half-a-dozen of us."
+
+Julian also gives his experience during his life as a beggar, showing
+that his life was not so very miserable.
+
+     "I married a charming young woman for love; she was the daughter of
+     a neighbouring beggar, who with an improvidence too often seen,
+     spent a very large income, which he procured from his profession,
+     so that he was able to give her no fortune down. However, at his
+     death he left her a very well-accustomed begging hut situated on
+     the side of a steep hill, where travellers could not immediately
+     escape from us; and a garden adjoining, being the twenty-eighth
+     part of an acre well-planted. She made the best of wives, bore me
+     nineteen children, and never failed to get my supper ready against
+     my return home--this being my favourite meal, and at which I, as
+     well as my whole family, greatly enjoyed ourselves."
+
+     "No profession," he observes, "requires a deeper insight into human
+     nature than a beggar's. Their knowledge of the passions of men is
+     so extensive, that I have often thought it would be of no little
+     service to a politician to have his education among them. Nay,
+     there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than
+     is imagined: for both concur in their first and grand principle, it
+     being equally their business to delude and impose on mankind. It
+     must be admitted that they differ widely in the degree of
+     advantage, which they make of their deceit; for whereas the beggar
+     is contented with a little, the politician leaves but a little
+     behind."
+
+There is a considerable amount of indelicacy in the episodes in "Tom
+Jones," and also of hostility, which is exhibited in the rough form of
+pugilistic encounters, so as almost to remind us of the old comic stage.
+He seems especially fond of settling quarrels in this way, and wishes
+that no other was ever used, and that "iron should dig no bowels but
+those of the earth." The character of Deborah Wilkins, the old maid who
+is shocked at the frivolity of Jenny Jones; of Thwackum, the
+schoolmaster, whose "meditations were full of birch;" and of the barber,
+whose jests, although they brought him so many slaps and kicks "would
+come," are excellent. There is a vast fertility of humour in his pages,
+which depending upon the general circumstances and peculiar characters
+of the persons introduced, cannot be easily appreciated in extracts. The
+following, however, can be understood easily:--
+
+     "'I thought there must be a devil,' the sergeant says to the
+     innkeeper, 'notwithstanding what the officers said, though one of
+     them was a captain, for methought, thinks I to myself, if there be
+     no devil how can wicked people be sent to him? and I have read all
+     that upon a book.' 'Some of your officers,' quoth the landlord,
+     'will find there is a devil to their shame, I believe. I don't
+     question but he'll pay off some old scores upon my account. Here
+     was one quartered upon me half-a-year, who had the conscience to
+     take up one of my best beds, though he hardly spent a shilling a
+     day in the house, and his man went to roast cabbages at the kitchen
+     fire, because I would not give them a dinner on Sunday. Every good
+     Christian must desire that there should be a devil for the
+     punishment of such wretches....'"
+
+The Man of the Hill gives his travelling experiences:--
+
+     "'In Italy the landlords are very silent. In France they are more
+     talkative, but yet civil. In Germany and Holland they are generally
+     very impertinent. And as for their honesty I believe it is pretty
+     equal in all those countries.... As for my own part, I past through
+     all these nations, as you perhaps may have through a crowd at a
+     show, jostling to get by them, holding my nose with one hand, and
+     defending my pockets with the other, without speaking a word to any
+     of them while I was pressing on to see what I wanted to see.'
+
+     "'Did you not find some of the nations less troublesome to you than
+     the others?' said Jones.
+
+     "'Oh, yes,' replied the old man, 'the Turks were much more
+     tolerable to me than the Christians, for they are men of profound
+     taciturnity, and never disturb a stranger with questions. Now and
+     then, indeed, they bestow a short curse upon him, or spit in his
+     face as he walks in the streets, but then they have done with
+     him.'"
+
+From another passage, we find that ladies are armed with very deadly
+weapons. He had said that Love was no more capable of allaying hunger
+than a rose is capable of delighting the ear, or a violin of gratifying
+the smell, and he gives an instance:--
+
+     "Say then, ye graces, you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of
+     Seraphina's countenance, what were the weapons used to captivate
+     the heart of Mr. Jones. First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose
+     bright orbs flashed lightning at their discharge, flew off two
+     pointed ogles; but, happily for our hero, hit only a vast piece of
+     beef, which he was then conveying into his plate. The fair warrior
+     perceived their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom
+     drew forth a deadly sigh; a sigh, which none could have heard
+     unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen
+     beaux--so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating air must
+     have found its subtle way to the heart of our hero, had it not
+     luckily been driven from his ears by the coarse bubbling of some
+     bottled ale which at that time he was pouring forth. Many other
+     weapons did she essay; but the god of eating (if there be any such
+     deity) preserved his votary; or, perhaps, the security of Jones may
+     be accounted for by natural means, for, as love frequently
+     preserves from the attacks of hunger, so may hunger possibly, in
+     some cases, defend us against love. No sooner was the cloth
+     removed, than she again began her operations. First, having planted
+     her right eye sideways against Mr. Jones, she shot from its corner
+     a most penetrating glance, which, though great part of its force
+     was spent before it reached our hero, did not vent itself without
+     effect. This, the fair one perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes,
+     and levelled them downwards as if she was concerned only for what
+     she had done, though by this means she designed only to draw him
+     from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes, through which she
+     intended to surprise his heart. And now gently lifting those two
+     bright orbs, which had already begun to make an impression on poor
+     Jones, she discharged a volley of small charms from her whole
+     countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth or of joy, but a smile
+     of affection, which most ladies have always ready at their command,
+     and which serves them to show at once their good-humour, their
+     pretty dimples, and their white teeth.
+
+     "This smile our hero received full in his eyes, and was immediately
+     staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the
+     enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on
+     foot between the parties, during which the artful fair so slily and
+     imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued
+     the heart of our hero before she again repaired to acts of
+     hostility. To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr. Jones maintained a
+     kind of Dutch defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison
+     without duly weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia."
+
+It has generally been the custom to couple the name of Smollett with
+that of Fielding, but the former has scarcely any claim to be regarded
+as a humorist, except such as is largely due to the use of gross
+indelicacy and coarse caricature. He first attempted poetry, and wrote
+two dull satires "Advice" and "Reproof." His "Ode to Mirth," is somewhat
+sprightly, but of his songs the following is a favourable specimen:--
+
+  "From the man whom I love, though my heart I disguise,
+  I will freely describe the wretch I despise,
+  And if he has sense but to balance a straw
+  He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw.
+
+  "A wit without sense, without fancy, a beau,
+  Like a parrot he chatters, and struts like a crow;
+  A peacock in pride, in grimace a baboon,
+  In courage a hind, in conceit a gascon.
+
+  "As a vulture rapacious, in falsehood a fox,
+  Inconstant as waves, and unfeeling as rocks,
+  As a tiger ferocious, perverse as a hog,
+  In mischief an ape, and in fawning a dog.
+
+  "In a word, to sum up all his talents together,
+  His heart is of lead, and his brain is of feather,
+  Yet if he has sense to balance a straw
+  He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw."
+
+Although Smollett indulged in great coarseness, I doubt whether he has
+anything more humorous in his writings than the above lines. Sir Walter
+Scott formed a more just opinion of him than some later critics. He
+says:--
+
+     "Smollett's humour arises from the situation of the persons, or the
+     peculiarity of their external appearance, as Roderick Random's
+     carroty locks, which hung down over his shoulders like a pound of
+     candles; or Strap's ignorance of London, and the blunders that
+     follow it. There is a tone of vulgarity about all his productions."
+
+Smollett was born in Dumbartonshire in 1721. He became a surgeon, and
+for six or seven years was employed in the Navy in that capacity. This
+may account for the strong flavour of brine and tar in the best of his
+works--his sea sketches have a considerable amount of character in
+them--sometimes rather too much. His liberal use of nautical language is
+exhibited when Lieutenant Hatchway is going away,
+
+     "Trunnion, not a little affected, turned his eye ruefully upon the
+     lieutenant saying in piteous tone, 'What! leave me at last, Jack,
+     after we have weathered so many hard gales together? Damn my limbs!
+     I thought you had been more of an honest heart: I looked upon you
+     as my foremast and Tom Pipes as my mizen; now he is carried away;
+     if so be as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed d'ye see,
+     the first squall will bring me by the board. Damn ye, if in case I
+     have given offence, can't you speak above board, and I shall make
+     you amends."
+
+Some idea of his best comic scenes, which have a certain kind of
+humorous merit, may be obtained from the following description of the
+progress of Commodore Trunnion and his party to the Wedding. Wishing to
+go in state, they advance on horseback, and are seen crossing the road
+obliquely so as to avoid the eye of the wind. The cries of a pack of
+hounds unfortunately reach the horses' ears, who being hunters,
+immediately start off after them in full gallop.
+
+     "The Lieutenant, whose steed had got the heels of the others,
+     finding it would be great folly and presumption in him to pretend
+     to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, very wisely took the
+     opportunity of throwing himself off in his passage through a field
+     of rich clover, among which he lay at his ease; and seeing his
+     captain advancing at full gallop, hailed him with the salutation of
+     'What cheer? ho!' The Commodore, who was in infinite distress,
+     eyeing him askance, as he passed replied with a faltering voice, 'O
+     damn ye! you are safe at an anchor, I wish to God I were as fast
+     moored.' Nevertheless, conscious of his disabled heel, he would not
+     venture to try the experiment that had succeeded so well with
+     Hatchway, but resolved to stick as close as possible to his
+     horse's back, until Providence should interpose in his behalf. With
+     this view he dropped his whip, and with his right hand laid fast
+     hold of the pommel, contracting every muscle of his body to secure
+     himself in the seat, and grinning most formidably in consequence of
+     this exertion. In this attitude he was hurried on a considerable
+     way, when all of a sudden his view was comforted by a five-bar gate
+     that appeared before him, as he never doubted that there the career
+     of his hunter must necessarily end. But alas! he reckoned without
+     his host. Far from halting at this obstruction, the horse sprang
+     over with amazing agility, to the utter confusion and disorder of
+     his owner, who lost his hat and periwig in the leap, and now began
+     to think in good earnest that he was actually mounted on the back
+     of the devil. He recommended himself to God, his reflection forsook
+     him, his eyesight and all his other senses failed, he quitted the
+     reins, and fastening by instinct on the main, was in this condition
+     conveyed into the midst of the sportsmen, who were astonished at
+     the sight of such an apparition. Neither was their surprise to be
+     wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that presented itself to
+     their view."
+
+Smollett delights in practical jokes, fighting, and violent language.
+Sometimes we are almost in danger of the dagger. He rejoices in fun, in
+such scenes as that of Random fighting Captain Weasel with the
+roasting-spit, and what he says in "Humphrey Clinker" of the ladies, at
+a party in Bath, might better apply to his own dialogues. "Some cried,
+some swore, and the tropes and figures of Billingsgate were used without
+reserve in all their native rest and flavour."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Cowper--Lady Austen's Influence--"John Gilpin"--"The
+  Task"--Goldsmith--"The Citizen of the World"--Humorous
+  Poems--Quacks--Baron Münchausen.
+
+
+Humour seems to have an especial claim upon us in connection with the
+name of Cowper, inasmuch as but for it we should never have become
+acquainted with his writings. Many as are the charms of his works, they
+would never have become popularly known without this addition. In 1782
+he published his collection of poems, but it only had an indifferent
+sale. Although friends spoke well of them, reviews gave forth various
+and uncertain opinions, and there was no sufficient inducement to lead
+the public to buy or read. Cowper was upon the verge of sinking into the
+abyss of unsuccessful authors, when a bright vision crossed his path.
+Lady Austen paid a visit to Olney. She had lived much in France, and was
+overflowing with good humour and vivacity. She came to reside at the
+Vicarage at the back of his house, and they became so intimate that
+they passed the days alternately with each other. "Lady Austen's
+conversation had," writes Southey, "as happy an effect on the melancholy
+spirit of Cowper, as the harp of David had upon Saul."
+
+It is refreshing to turn from cynicism and prurience, to gentle and more
+harmless pleasantry. Cowper was very sympathetic, and easily took the
+impression of those with whom he consorted. Most of his pieces were
+written at the suggestion of others. Mrs. Unwin was of a melancholy and
+serious turn of mind, and tended to repress his lighter fancies, but his
+letters show that playfulness was natural to him; and in his first
+volume of poems we find two pieces of a decidedly humorous cast. We have
+"The Report of an Adjudged Case not to be found in any of the books."
+
+  "Between nose and eyes a strange contest arose,
+  The spectacles set them unhappily wrong,
+  The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
+  To which the said spectacles ought to belong."
+
+We know the Chief Baron Ear, finally gave his decision--
+
+  "That whenever the nose put his spectacles on
+  By daylight or candlelight, eyes should be shut."
+
+The other piece is called "Hypocristy Detected."
+
+  "Thus says the prophet of the Turk,
+  Good Mussulman, abstain from pork,
+  There is a part in every swine
+  No friend or follower of mine
+  May taste, whate'er his inclination
+  On pain of excommunication.
+  Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
+  And thus he left the point at large.
+  Had he the sinful part expressed
+  They might with safety eat the rest;
+  But for one piece they thought it hard
+  From the whole hog to be debarred,
+  And set their wit at work to find
+  What joint the prophet had in mind.
+  Much controversy straight arose
+  These choose the back, the belly those;
+  By some 'tis confidently said
+  He meant not to forbid the head;
+  While others at that doctrine rail,
+  And piously prefer the tail.
+  Thus conscience freed from every clog,
+  Mahometans eat up the hog."
+
+The moral follows, pointing out that each one makes an exception in
+favour of his own besetting sin.
+
+These touches of humour which had hitherto appeared timidly in his
+writings were encouraged by Lady Austen. "A new scene is opening," he
+writes, "which will add fresh plumes to the wings of time." She was his
+bright and better genius. Trying in every way to cheer his spirits, she
+told him one day an old nursery story she had heard in her
+childhood--the "History of John Gilpin." Cowper was much taken with it,
+and next morning he came down to breakfast with a ballad composed upon
+it, which made them laugh till they cried. He sent it to Mr. Unwin, who
+had it inserted in a newspaper. But little was thought of it, until
+Henderson, a well-known actor introduced it into his readings.[13] From
+that moment Cowper's fame was secured, and his next work "The Task,"
+also suggested by Lady Austen, had a wide circulation.
+
+After this success, Lady Austen set Cowper a "Task," which he performed
+excellently and secured his fame. He was at first at a loss how to begin
+it--"Write on anything," she said, "on this sofa." He took her at her
+word, and proceeded--
+
+  "The nurse sleeps sweetly, hired to watch the sick,
+  Whom snoring she disturbs. As sweetly he
+  Who quits the coachbox at the midnight hour
+  To sleep within the carriage more secure,
+  His legs depending at the open door.
+  Sweet sleep enjoys the curate in his desk,
+  The tedious rector drawling o'er his head,
+  And sweet the clerk below: but neither sleep
+  Of lazy nurse, who snores the sick man dead,
+  Nor his, who quits the box at midnight hour
+  To slumber in the carriage more secure,
+  Nor sleep enjoyed by curate in his desk,
+  Nor yet the dozings of the clerk are sweet
+  Compared with the repose the sofa yields."
+
+Cowper lived in the country, and wrote many poems on birds and flowers.
+In his first volume there are "The Doves," "The Raven's Nest," "The
+Lily and the Rose," "The Nightingale and the Glowworm," "The Pine-Apple
+and the Bee," "The Goldfinch starved to death in a Cage," and some
+others. They are pretty conceits, but at the present day remind us a
+little of the nursery.
+
+Goldsmith's humour deserves equal praise for affording amusement without
+animosity or indelicacy. With regard to the former, his satire is so
+general that it cannot inflict any wound; and although he may have
+slightly erred in one or two passages on the latter score, he condemns
+all such seasoning of humour, which is used, as he says, to compensate
+for want of invention. In his plays, there is much good broad-humoured
+fun without anything offensive. Simple devices such as Tony Lumpkin's
+causing a manor-house to be mistaken for an inn, produces much harmless
+amusement. It is noteworthy that the first successful work of Goldsmith
+was his "Citizen of the World." Here the correspondence of a Chinaman in
+England with one of his friends in his own country, affords great scope
+for humour, the manners and customs of each nation being regarded
+according to the views of the other. The intention is to show
+absurdities on the same plan which led afterwards to the popularity of
+"Hadji Baba in England." Sometimes the faults pointed out seem real,
+sometimes the criticism is meant to be oriental and ridiculous. Thus
+going to an English theatre he observes--
+
+     "The richest, in general, were placed in the lowest seats, and the
+     poor rose above them in degrees proportionate to their poverty. The
+     order of precedence seemed here inverted; those who were undermost
+     all the day, enjoyed a temporary eminence and became masters of the
+     ceremonies. It was they who called for the music, indulging every
+     noisy freedom, and testifying all the insolence of beggary in
+     exaltation."
+
+Real censure is intended in the following, which shows the change in
+ladies dress within the last few years--
+
+     "What chiefly distinguishes the sex at present is the train. As a
+     lady's quality or fashion was once determined here by the
+     circumference of her hoop, both are now measured by the length of
+     her tail. Women of moderate fortunes are contented with tails
+     moderately long, but ladies of tone, taste, and distinction set no
+     bounds to their ambition in this particular. I am told the Lady
+     Mayoress on days of ceremony carries one longer than a bell-wether
+     of Bantam, whose tail, you know, is trundled along in a
+     wheelbarrow."
+
+A "little beau" discoursing with the Chinaman, observes--
+
+     "I am told your Asiatic beauties are the most convenient women
+     alive, for they have no souls; positively there is nothing in
+     nature I should like so much as women without souls; soul here is
+     the utter ruin of half the sex. A girl of eighteen shall have soul
+     enough to spend a hundred pounds in the turning of a tramp. Her
+     mother shall have soul enough to ride a sweepstake snatch at a
+     horse-race; her maiden aunt shall have soul enough to purchase the
+     furniture of a whole toy-shop, and others shall have soul enough to
+     behave as if they had no souls at all."
+
+The "Citizen of the World" cannot understand why there are so many old
+maids and bachelors in England. He regards the latter as most
+contemptible, and says the mob should be permitted to halloo after them;
+boys might play tricks on them with impunity; every well-bred company
+should laugh at them, and if one of them, when turned sixty, offered to
+make love, his mistress might spit in his face, or what would be a
+greater punishment should fairly accept him. Old maids he would not
+treat with such severity, because he supposes they are not so by their
+own fault; but he hears that many have received offers, and refused
+them. Miss Squeeze, the pawnbroker's daughter, had heard so much about
+money, that she resolved never to marry a man whose fortune was not
+equal to her own, without ever considering that some abatement should be
+made as her face was pale and marked with the small-pox. Sophronia loved
+Greek, and hated men. She rejected fine gentlemen because they were not
+pedants, and pedants because they were not fine gentlemen. She found a
+fault in every lover, until the wrinkles of old age overtook her, and
+now she talks incessantly of the beauties of the mind.
+
+The character of the information contained in the daily newspapers is
+thus described--
+
+     "The universal passion for politics is gratified with daily papers,
+     as with us in China. But, as in ours, the Emperor endeavours to
+     instruct his people; in theirs the people endeavour to instruct the
+     Administration. You must not, however, imagine that they who
+     compile these papers have any actual knowledge of politics or the
+     government of a state; they only collect their materials from the
+     oracle of some coffee-house, which oracle has himself gathered them
+     the night before from a beau at a gaming-table, who has pillaged
+     his knowledge from the great man's porter, who has had his
+     information from the great man's gentleman, who has invented the
+     whole story for his own amusement the night preceding."
+
+He gives the following specimens of contradictory newspaper intelligence
+from abroad.
+
+     "_Vienna._--We have received certain advices that a party of
+     twenty-thousand Austrians, having attacked a much superior body of
+     Prussians, put them all to flight, and took the rest prisoners of
+     war.
+
+     "_Berlin._--We have received certain advices that a party of
+     twenty-thousand Prussians, having attacked a much superior body of
+     Austrians, put them to flight, and took a great number of prisoners
+     with their military chest, cannon, and baggage."
+
+The Chinaman observing the laudatory character of epitaphs, suggests a
+plan by which flattery might be indulged, without sacrificing truth. The
+device is that anciently called "contrary to expectation," but
+apparently borrowed by Goldsmith from some French poem. Here is a
+specimen.
+
+  "Ye Muses, pour the pitying tear,
+  For Pollio snatched away;
+  O, had he lived another year
+  He had not died to-day."...
+
+He gives another on Madam Blaize--
+
+  "Good people all with one accord
+  Lament for Madam Blaize,
+  Who never wanted a good word
+  From those who spoke her praise."
+
+The Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog terminates in a stroke taken from
+the old epigram of Demodocus--
+
+  "Good people all, of everysort,
+  Give ear unto my song,
+  And if you find it wondrous short,
+  It cannot hold you long.
+
+  "In Islington there was a man,
+  Of whom the world might say,
+  That still a godly race he ran,
+  Whene'er he went to pray.
+
+  "A kind and gentle heart he had,
+  To comfort friends and foes,
+  The naked every day he clad,
+  When he put on his clothes.
+
+  "And in this town a dog was found,
+  As many dogs there be,
+  Both mongrel, puppy, whelps, and hound,
+  And curs of low degree.
+
+  "This dog and man at first were friends,
+  But when a pique began,
+  The dog to gain some private ends,
+  Went mad, and bit the man.
+
+  "Around from all the neighbouring streets
+  The wondering neighbours ran,
+  And swore the dog had lost his wits,
+  To bite so good a man.
+
+  "The wound, it seemed both sore and sad
+  To every Christian eye;
+  And, while they swore the dog was mad,
+  They swore the man would die.
+
+  "But soon a wonder came to light
+  That showed the rogues they lied,
+  The man recovered of the bite,
+  The dog it was that died."
+
+The fine and elegant humour in "The Vicar of Wakefield" and "The
+Deserted Village," has greatly contributed to give those works a lasting
+place in the literature of this country. Goldsmith attacked, among other
+imposters, the quacks of his day, who promised to cure every disease.
+Reading their advertisements, he is astonished that the English patient
+should be so obstinate as to refuse health on such easy terms. We find
+from Swift that astrologers and fortune-tellers were very plentiful in
+these times. The following lament was written towards the end of the
+last century upon the death of one of them--Dr. Safford, a quack and
+fortune-teller.
+
+  "Lament, ye damsels of our London City,
+  Poor unprovided girls, though fair and witty,
+  Who masked would to his house in couples come,
+  To understand your matrimonial doom;
+  To know what kind of man you were to marry,
+  And how long time, poor things, you were to tarry;
+  Your oracle is silent; none can tell
+  On whom his astrologic mantle fell;
+  For he, when sick, refused the doctor's aid,
+  And only to his pills devotion paid,
+  Yet it was surely a most sad disaster,
+  The saucy pills at last should kill their master."
+
+The travels of Baron Münchausen were first published in 1786, and the
+esteem in which they were held, and we may conclude their merit, was
+shown by the numbers of editions rapidly succeeding each other, and by
+the translations which were made into foreign languages. It is somewhat
+strange that there should be a doubt with regard to the authorship of
+so popular a work, but it is generally attributed to one Raspi, a German
+who fled from the officers of justice to England. As, however, there is
+little originality in the stories, we feel the less concerned at being
+unable satisfactorily to trace their authorship--they were probably a
+collection of the tales with which some old German baron was wont to
+amuse his guests. A satire was evidently intended upon the marvellous
+tales in which travellers and sportsmen indulged, and the first edition
+is humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, whose accounts of Abyssinia were then
+generally discredited. With the exception of this attack upon
+travellers' tales there is nothing severe in the work--there is no
+indelicacy or profanity--considerable falsity was, of course, necessary,
+otherwise the accounts would have been merely fanciful. We have nothing
+here to mar our amusement, except infinite extravagance. The author does
+not claim much originality, and he admits an imitation of Gulliver's
+Travels. But, no doubt, something is due to his insight in selection,
+and to his ingenuity in telling the stories well and circumstantially;
+otherwise this book would never have become historical, when so many
+similar productions have perished. The stories in the first six
+chapters, which formed the original book, are superior to those in the
+continuation; there is always something specious, some ground work for
+the gross improbabilities, which gives force to them. Thus, for
+instance, travelling in Poland over the deep snow he fastens his horse
+to something he takes to be a post, and which turns out to be the top of
+a steeple. By the morning the snow has disappeared--he sees his mistake,
+and his horse is hanging on the top of the church by its bridle. When on
+his road to St. Petersburgh, a wolf made after him and overtook him.
+Escape was impossible.
+
+     "I laid myself down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for
+     safety. The wolf did not mind me, but took a leap over me, and
+     falling on the horse began to tear and devour the hinder part of
+     the poor animal, which ran all the faster for its pain and terror.
+     I lifted up my head slily, and beheld with horror that the wolf had
+     ate his way into the horse's body. It was not long before he had
+     fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage and fell
+     upon him with the end of my whip. This unexpected attack frightened
+     him so much that he leaped forward, the horse's carcase dropped to
+     the ground, but in his place the wolf was in harness, and I on my
+     part whipping him continually, arrived in full career at St.
+     Petersburgh much to the astonishment of the spectators."
+
+Speaking of stags, he mentions St. Hubert's stag, which appeared with a
+cross between its horns. "They always have been," he observes, "and
+still are famous for plantations and antlers." This furnishes him with
+the ground-work of his story.
+
+     "Having one day spent all my shot, I found myself unexpectedly in
+     presence of a stately stag looking at me as unconcernedly as if it
+     had really known of my empty pouches. I charged immediately with
+     powder and upon it a good handful of cherry stones. Thus I let fly
+     and hit him just in the middle of the forehead between the antlers;
+     he staggered, but made off. A year or two afterwards, being with a
+     party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with a fine
+     full-grown cherry tree above ten feet high between its antlers. I
+     brought him down at one shot, and he gave me haunch and cherry
+     sauce, for the tree was covered with fruit."
+
+In his ride across to Holland from Harwich under the sea, he finds great
+mountains "and upon their sides a variety of tall noble trees loaded
+with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels,
+cockles, &c.," the periwinkle, he observes, is a kind of shrub, it grows
+at the foot of the oyster tree, and twines round it as the ivy does
+round the oak.
+
+In the following, we have a manifest imitation of Lucian--Having passed
+down Mount Etna through the earth, and come out at the other side, he
+finds himself in the Southern Seas, and soon comes to land. They sail up
+a river flowing with rich milk, and find that they are in an island
+consisting of one large cheese--
+
+     "We discovered this by one of the company fainting away as soon as
+     he landed; this man always had an aversion to cheese--when he
+     recovered he desired the cheese to be taken from under his feet.
+     Upon examination we found him to be perfectly right--the whole
+     island was nothing but a cheese of immense magnitude. Here were
+     plenty of vines with bunches of grapes, which yielded nothing but
+     milk."
+
+In all these cases he has contrived where there was an opening to
+introduce some probable details. But as he proceeds further in his work,
+his talent becoming duller--his extravagancies are worse sustained and
+scarcely ever original. Sometimes he writes mere mawkish nonsense, and
+at others he simply copies Lucian, as in the case of his making a voyage
+to the moon, and then sailing into a sea-monster's stomach.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+The Anti-Jacobin--Its Objects and Violence--"The Friends of
+  Freedom"--Imitation of Latin Lyrics--The "Knife Grinder"--The
+  "Progress of Man."
+
+
+The "Anti-Jacobin" was commenced in 1797, with a view of counteracting
+the baneful influences of those revolutionary principles which were
+already rampant in France. The periodical, supported by the combined
+talent of such men as Gifford, Ellis, Hookham Frere, Jenkinson (Lord
+Liverpool), Lord Clare, Dr. Whitaker, and Lord Mornington, would no
+doubt have had a long and successful career, had not politics led it
+into a vituperative channel, through which it came to an untimely end in
+eight months. The following address to Jacobinism will give some idea of
+its spirit:--
+
+  "Daughter of Hell, insatiate power,
+  Destroyer of the human race,
+  Whose iron scourge and maddening hour
+  Exalt the bad, the good debase:
+  Thy mystic force, despotic sway,
+  Courage and innocence dismay,
+  And patriot monarchs vainly groan
+  With pangs unfelt before, unpitied and alone."
+
+There were pictorial illustrations consisting of political caricatures
+of a very gross character, representing men grotesquely deformed, and
+sometimes intermixed with monsters, demons, frogs, toads, and other
+animals.
+
+One part of the paper was headed "Lies," and another was devoted to
+correcting less culpable mis-statements. Some prose satirical pieces
+were introduced, such as "Fox's Birthday," in which a mock description
+of a grand dinner is given, at which all the company had their pockets
+picked. After the delivery of revolutionary orations, and some attempts
+at singing "Paddy Whack," and "All the books of Moses," the festival
+terminates in a disgusting scene of uproar. Several similar reports are
+given of "The Meeting of the Friends of Freedom," upon which occasions
+absurd speeches are made, such as that by Mr. Macfurgus, who declaims in
+the following grandiloquent style:--
+
+     "Before the Temple of Freedom can be erected the surface must be
+     smoothed and levelled, it must be cleared by repeated revolutionary
+     explosions, from all the lumber and rubbish with which aristocracy
+     and fanaticism will endeavour to encumber it, and to impede the
+     progress of the holy work. The completion of the edifice will
+     indeed be the more tardy, but it will not be the less durable for
+     having been longer delayed. Cemented with the blood of tyrants and
+     the tears of the aristocracy, it will rise a monument for the
+     astonishment and veneration of future ages. The remotest posterity
+     with our children yet unborn, and the most distant portions of the
+     globe will crowd round its gates, and demand admission into its
+     sanctuary. 'The Tree of Liberty' will be planted in the midst, and
+     its branches will extend to the ends of the earth, while the
+     friends of freedom meet and fraternize and amalgamate under its
+     consolatory shade. There our infants shall be taught to lisp in
+     tender accents the revolutionary hymn, there with wreaths of
+     myrtle, and oak, and poplar, and vine, and olive and cypress, and
+     ivy, with violets and roses and daffodils and dandelions in our
+     hands, we will swear respect to childhood and manhood, and old age,
+     and virginity, and womanhood, and widowhood; but above all to the
+     Supreme Being. There we will decree and sanction the immortality of
+     the soul, there pillars and obelisks, and arches, and pyramids will
+     awaken the love of glory and of our country. There painters and
+     statuaries with their chisels and colours, and engravers with their
+     engraving tools will perpetuate the interesting features of our
+     revolutionary heroes."
+
+The next extract is called "The Army of England," written by the
+ci-devant Bishop of Autun, and represents a French invasion as
+imminent:--
+
+  "Good republicans all
+  The Directory's call
+  Invites you to visit John Bull;
+  Oppressed by the rod
+  Of a king and a God
+  The cup of his misery's full;
+
+  "Old Johnny shall see
+  What makes a man free,
+  Not parchments, or statutes, or paper;
+  And stripped of his riches,
+  Great charter and breeches,
+  Shall cut a free citizen's caper.
+
+  "Then away, let us over
+  To Deal or to Dover,
+  We laugh at his talking so big;
+  He's pampered with feeding,
+  And wants a sound bleeding,
+  _Par Dieu_! he shall bleed like a pig.
+
+  "John tied to a stake
+  A grand baiting will make
+  When worried by mastiffs of France,
+  What republican fun
+  To see his blood run
+  As at Lyons, La Vendée and Nantes.
+
+  "With grape-shot discharges,
+  And plugs in his barges,
+  With national razors good store,
+  We'll pepper and shave him
+  And in the Thames lave him--
+  How sweetly he'll bellow and roar!
+
+  "What the villain likes worse
+  We'll vomit his purse
+  And make it the guineas disgorge,
+  For your Raphaels and Rubens
+  We would not give twopence;
+  Stick, stick to the pictures of George."
+
+The following is on "The New Coalition" between Fox and Horne Tooke.
+
+  _Fox._ When erst I coalesced with North
+  And brought my Indian bantling forth
+  In place--I smiled at faction's storm,
+  Nor dreamt of radical reform.
+
+  _Tooke._ While yet no patriot project pushing
+  Content I thumped old Brentford's cushion,
+  I passed my life so free and gaily,
+  Not dreaming of that d--d Old Bailey.
+
+  _Fox._ Well, now my favourite preacher's Nickle,
+  He keeps for Pitt a rod in pickle;
+  His gestures fright the astonished gazers,
+  His sarcasms cut like Packwood's razors.
+
+  _Tooke._ Thelwall's my name for state alarm;
+  I love the rebels of Chalk Farm;
+  Rogues that no statutes can subdue,
+  Who'd bring the French, and head them too.
+
+  _Fox._ A whisper in your ear John Horne,
+  For one great end we both were born,
+  Alike we roar, and rant and bellow--
+  Give us your hand my honest fellow.
+
+  _Tooke._ Charles, for a shuffler long I've known thee,
+  But come--for once I'll not disown thee,
+  And since with patriot zeal thou burnest,
+  With thee I'll live--or hang in earnest.
+
+But the most celebrated of these poems is "The Friend of Humanity, and
+The Knife-Grinder"--
+
+  _Friend of Humanity._ Needy knife-grinder! whither are you going?
+  Rough is the road, your wheel is out of order,
+  Bleak blows the blast; your hat has got a hole in't,
+              So have your breeches!
+  Weary knife-grinder! little think the proud ones,
+  Who in their coaches roll along the turnpike-road,
+  What hard work 'tis crying all day, "knives and
+              Scissors to grind, O!"
+  Tell me, knife-grinder, how you came to grind knives?
+  Did some rich man tyranically use you?
+  Was it the squire? or parson of the parish?
+              Or the attorney?
+  Was it the squire for killing of his game? or
+  Covetous parson for his tithes distraining?
+  Or roguish lawyer, made you lose your little
+              All in a lawsuit?
+  (Have you not read the "Rights of Man" by Tom Paine?)
+  Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,
+  Ready to fall as soon as you have told your
+              Pitiful story.
+  _Knife-grinder._ Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, Sir;
+  Only last night a-drinking at the 'Chequers,'
+  This poor old hat and breeches, as you see, were
+              Torn in a scuffle.
+  Constables came up for to take me into
+  Custody; they took me before the justice,
+  Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish-
+              Stocks for a vagrant.
+  I should be glad to drink your honour's health in
+  A pot of beer, if you will give me sixpence,
+  But for my part I never love to meddle
+              With politics, Sir.
+  _Friend of Humanity._ I give thee sixpence! I will see thee d----d first!
+  Wretch! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to vengeance!
+  Sordid! unfeeling! reprobate! degraded!
+              Spiritless outcast!
+
+(_Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport
+of Republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy._)
+
+This poem, written as a parody of "The Widow" of Southey, is said to
+have annihilated English Sapphics. Various attempts were formerly made
+to adapt classic metres to English; not only Gabriel Harvey but Sir
+Philip Sydney tried to bring in hexameters. Beattie says the attempt was
+ridiculous, but since Longfellow's "Evangeline" we look upon them with
+more favour, though they are not popular. Dr. Watts wrote a Sapphic ode
+on the "Last Judgment," which notwithstanding the solemnity of the
+subject, almost provokes a smile.
+
+Frere was a man of great taste and humour. He wrote many amusing poems.
+Among his contributions, jointly with Canning and Ellis, to the
+"Anti-Jacobin," is the "Loves of the Triangles," and the scheme of a
+play called the "Double Arrangement," a satire upon the immorality of
+the German plays then in vogue. Here a gentleman living with his wife
+and another lady, Matilda, and getting tired of the latter, releases her
+early lover, Rogero, who is imprisoned in an abbey. This unfortunate
+man, who has been eleven years a captive on account of his attachment to
+Matilda, is found in a living sepulchre. The scene shows a subterranean
+vault in the Abbey of Quedlinburgh, with coffins, scutcheons, death's
+heads and cross-bones; while toads and other loathsome reptiles are seen
+traversing the obscurer parts of the stage. Rogero appears in chains,
+in a suit of rusty armour, with his beard grown, and a cap of grotesque
+form upon his head. He sings the following plaintive ditty:--
+
+  "Whene'er with haggard eyes I view
+  This dungeon that I'm rotting in,
+  I think of those companions true
+  Who studied with me at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+(_Weeps and pulls out a blue kerchief with which he wipes his eyes;
+gazing tenderly at it he proceeds:_)
+
+  "Sweet kerchief, checked with heavenly blue,
+  Which once my love sat knotting in!
+  Alas! Matilda then was true!
+  At least, I thought so at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+                     (_Clanks his chains._)
+
+  "Barbs! barbs! alas! how swift you flew,
+  Her neat post waggon trotting in,
+  Ye bore Matilda from my view;
+  Forlorn I languished in the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "This faded form! this pallid hue!
+  This blood my veins is clotting in,
+  My years are many--they were few,
+  When first I entered at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "There first for thee my passion grew,
+  Sweet! sweet Matilda Pottingen!
+  Thou wast the daughter of my tu-
+  -tor, law professor at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "Sun, moon, and thou, vain world, adieu,
+  That kings and priests are plotting in;
+  Here doomed to starve on water gru-
+  -el, never shall I see the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen."
+
+The idea of making humour by the division of words may have been
+original in this case, but it was conceived and adopted by Lucilius, the
+first Roman satirist.
+
+The "Progress of Man," by Canning and Hammond, is an ironical poem,
+deducing our origin and development according to the natural, and in
+opposition to the religious system. The argument proceeds in the
+following vein:--
+
+  "Let us a plainer, steadier theme pursue,
+  Mark the grim savage scoop his light canoe,
+  Mark the fell leopard through the forest prowl,
+  Fish prey on fish, and fowl regale on fowl;
+  How Lybian tigers' chawdrons love assails,
+  And warms, midst seas of ice, the melting whales;
+  Cools the crimpt cod, fierce pangs to perch imparts,
+  Shrinks shrivelled shrimps, but opens oysters' hearts;
+  Then say, how all these things together tend
+  To one great truth, prime object, and good end?
+
+  "First--to each living thing, whate'er its kind,
+  Some lot, some part, some station is assigned
+  The feathered race with pinions skim the air;
+  Not so the mackerel, and still less the bear....
+  Ah! who has seen the mailed lobster rise,
+  Clap her broad wings, and soaring claim the skies?
+  When did the owl, descending from her bower,
+  Crop, midst the fleecy flocks the tender flower;
+  Or the young heifer plunge, with pliant limb,
+  In the salt wave, and fish-like strive to swim?
+  The same with plants--potatoes 'tatoes breed--
+  Uncostly cabbage springs from cabbage seed,
+  Lettuce from lettuce, leeks to leeks succeed,
+  Nor e'er did cooling cucumbers presume
+  To flower like myrtle, or like violets bloom;
+  Man, only--rash, refined, presumptuous man,
+  Starts from his rank, and mars Creation's plan;
+  Born the free heir of Nature's wide domain,
+  To art's strict limits bounds his narrowed reign,
+  Resigns his native rights for meaner things,
+  For faith and fetters, laws, and priests, and kings."
+
+The "Anti-Jacobin" was continued under the name of the "Anti-Jacobin
+Review," and in this modified form lasted for upwards of twenty years.
+It was mostly a journal of passing events, but there were a few attempts
+at humour in its pages.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+Wolcott--Writes against the Academicians--Tales of a Hoy--"New Old
+  Ballads"--"The Sorrows of Sunday"--Ode to a Pretty
+  Barmaid--Sheridan--Comic Situations--"The Duenna"--Wits.
+
+Wolcott, a native of Devonshire, was educated at Kingsbridge, and
+apprenticed to an apothecary. He soon discovered a genius for painting
+and poetry, and commenced to write about the middle of the last century
+as Peter Pindar. He composed many odes on a variety of humorous
+subjects, such as "The Lousiad," "Ode to Ugliness," "The Young Fly and
+the Old Spider," "Ode to a Handsome Widow," whom he apostrophises as
+"Daughter of Grief," "Solomon and the Mouse-trap," "Sir Joseph Banks and
+the Boiled Fleas," "Ode to my Ass," "To my Candle," "An Ode to Eight
+Cats kept by a Jew," whom he styles, "Singers of Israel." Lord Nelson's
+night-cap took fire as the poet was wearing it reading in bed, and he
+returned it to him with the words,
+
+  "Take your night-cap again, my good lord, I desire,
+  For I wish not to keep it a minute,
+  What belongs to a Nelson, where'er there's a fire,
+  Is sure to be instantly in it."
+
+In "Bozzi and Piozzi" the former says:--
+
+  "Did any one, that he was happy cry,
+  Johnson would tell him plumply 'twas a lie;
+  A lady told him she was really so,
+  On which he sternly answered, 'Madam, no!
+  Sickly you are, and ugly, foolish, poor,
+  And therefore can't be happy, I am sure.'"
+
+
+  UPON POPE.
+
+  "'Grant me an honest fame, or grant me none,'
+  Says Pope, (I don't know where,) a little liar,
+  Who, if he praised a man, 'twas in a tone
+  That made his praise like bunches of sweet-briar,
+  Which, while a pleasing fragrance it bestows,
+  Pops out a pretty prickle on your nose."
+
+He seems to have gained little by his early poems, many of which were
+directed against the Royal Academicians. One commences:--
+
+  "Sons of the brush, I'm here again!
+  At times a Pindar and Fontaine,
+  Casting poetic pearl (I fear) to swine!
+  For, hang me, if my last years odes
+  Paid rent for lodgings near the gods,
+  Or put one sprat into this mouth divine."
+
+Sometimes he calls the Academicians, "Sons of Canvas;" sometimes
+"Tagrags and bobtails of the sacred brush." He afterwards wrote a
+doleful elergy, "The Sorrows of Peter," and seems not to have thought
+himself sufficiently patronized, alluding to which he says--
+
+  "Much did King Charles our Butler's works admire,
+  Read them and quoted them from morn to night,
+  Yet saw the bard in penury expire,
+  Whose wit had yielded him so much delight."
+
+Wolcott was a little restricted by a due regard for religion or social
+decorum. He reminds us of Sterne, often atoning for a transgression by a
+tender and elevated sentiment. The following from the "Tales of a Hoy,"
+supposed to be told on a voyage from Margate gives a good specimen of
+his style--
+
+     _Captain Noah._ Oh, I recollect her. Poor Corinna![14] I could cry
+     for her, Mistress Bliss--a sweet creature! So kind! so lovely! and
+     so good-natured! She would not hurt a fly! Lord! Lord! tried to
+     make every body happy. Gone! Ha! Mistress Bliss, gone! poor soul.
+     Oh! she is in Heaven, depend on it--nothing can hinder it. Oh,
+     Lord, no, nothing--an angel!--an angel by this time--for it must
+     give God very little trouble to make _her_ an angel--she was so
+     charming! Such terrible figures as my Lord C. and my Lady Mary, to
+     be sure, it would take at least a month to make such ones anything
+     like angels--but poor Corinna wanted very few repairs. Perhaps the
+     sweet little soul is now seeing what is going on in our cabin--who
+     knows? Charming little Corinna! Lord! how funny it was, for all the
+     world like a rabbit or a squirrel or a kitten at play. Gone! as you
+     say, Gone! Well now for her epitaph.
+
+      CORINNA'S EPITAPH.
+
+      "Here sleeps what was innocence once, but its snows
+      Were sullied and trod with disdain;
+      Here lies what was beauty, but plucked was its rose
+      And flung like a weed to the plain.
+
+      "O pilgrim! look down on her grave with a sigh
+      Who fell the sad victim of art,
+      Even cruelty's self must bid her hard eye
+      A pearl of compassion impart.
+
+      "Ah! think not ye prudes that a sigh or a tear
+      Can offend of all nature the God!
+      Lo! Virtue already has mourned at her bier
+      And the lily will bloom on her sod."
+
+
+
+He wrote some pretty "new-old" ballads--purporting to have been written
+by Queen Elizabeth, Sir T. Wyatt, &c., on light and generally amorous
+subjects. Much of his satire was political, and necessarily fleeting.
+
+In "Orson and Ellen" he gives a good description of the landlord of a
+village inn and his daughter,
+
+  "The landlord had a red round face
+  Which some folks said in fun
+  Resembled the Red Lion's phiz,
+  And some, the rising Sun.
+
+  "Large slices from his cheeks and chin
+  Like beef-steaks one might cut;
+  And then his paunch, for goodly size
+  Beat any brewer's butt.
+
+  "The landlord was a boozer stout
+  A snufftaker and smoker;
+  And 'twixt his eyes a nose did shine
+  Bright as a red-hot poker.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Sweet Ellen gave the pot with hands
+  That might with thousands vie:
+  Her face like veal, was white and red
+  And sparkling was her eye.
+
+  "Her shape, the poplar's easy form
+  Her neck the lily's white
+  Soft heaving, like the summer wave
+  And lifting rich delight.
+
+  "And o'er this neck of globe-like mould
+  In ringlets waved her hair;
+  Ah, what sweet contrast for the eye
+  The jetty and the fair.
+
+  "Her lips, like cherries moist with dew
+  So pretty, plump, and pleasing,
+  And like the juicy cherry too
+  Did seem to ask for squeezing.
+
+  "Yet what is beauty's use alack!
+  To market can it go?
+  Say--will it buy a loin of veal,
+  Or round of beef? No--no.
+
+  "Will butchers say 'Choose what you please
+  Miss Nancy or Miss Betty?'
+  Or gardeners, 'Take my beans and peas
+  Because you are so pretty?'"
+
+He wrote a pleasant satire on the tax upon hair-powder introduced by
+Pitt, and the shifts to which poor people would be put to hide their
+hair. He seems to have been as inimical as most people to taxation. He
+parodies Dryden's "Alexander's Feast:"
+
+  "Of taxes now the sweet musician sung
+  The court and chorus joined
+  And filled the wondering wind,
+  And taxes, taxes, through the garden rung.
+
+  "Monarch's first of taxes think
+  Taxes are a monarch's treasure
+      Sweet the pleasure
+      Rich the treasure
+  Monarchs love a guinea clink...."
+
+He was, as we may suppose, averse to making Sunday a severe day. He
+wrote a poem against those who wished to introduce a more strict
+observance of Sunday, and called it, "The Sorrows of Sunday." He says:
+
+  "Heaven glorieth not in phizzes of dismay
+  Heaven takes no pleasure in perpetual sobbing,
+  Consenting freely that my favourite day,
+  May have her tea and rolls, and hob-and-nobbing;
+  Life with the down of cygnets may be clad
+  Ah! why not make her path a pleasant track--
+  No! cries the pulpit Terrorist (how mad)
+  No! let the world be one huge hedge-hog's back."
+
+He wrote a great variety of gay little sonnets, such as "The Ode to a
+Pretty Barmaid:"
+
+  "Sweet nymph with teeth of pearl and dimpled chin,
+  And roses, that would tempt a saint to sin,
+  Daily to thee so constant I return,
+  Whose smile improves the coffee's every drop
+  Gives tenderness to every steak and chop
+  And bids our pockets at expenses spurn.
+
+  "What youth well-powdered, of pomatum smelling
+  Shall on that lovely bosom fix his dwelling?
+  Perhaps the waiter, of himself so full!
+  With thee he means the coffee-house to quit
+  Open a tavern and become a wit
+  And proudly keep the head of the Black Bull.
+
+  "'Twas here the wits of Anna's Attic age
+  Together mingled their poetic rage,
+  Here Prior, Pope, and Addison and Steele,
+  Here Parnel, Swift, and Bolingbroke and Gay
+  Poured their keen prose, and turned the merry lay
+  Gave the fair toast, and made a hearty meal.
+
+  "Nymph of the roguish smile, which thousands seek
+  Give me another, and another steak,
+  A kingdom for another steak, but given
+  By thy fair hands, that shame the snow of heaven...."
+
+He seems to have some misgivings about conjugal felicity:--
+
+  "An owl fell desperately in love, poor soul,
+  Sighing and hooting in his lonely hole--
+  A parrot, the dear object of his wishes
+  Who in her cage enjoyed the loaves and fishes
+  In short had all she wanted, meat and drink
+  Washing and lodging full enough I think."
+
+Poll takes compassion on him and they are duly married--
+
+  "A day or two passed amorously sweet
+  Love, kissing, cooing, billing, all their meat,
+  At length they both felt hungry--'What's for dinner?
+  Pray, what have we to eat my dear,' quoth Poll.
+  'Nothing,' by all my wisdom, answered Owl.
+  'I never thought of that, as I'm a sinner
+  But Poll on something I shall put my pats
+  What sayst thou, deary, to a dish of rats?'
+  '_Rats_--Mister Owl, d'ye think that I'll eat rats,
+  Eat them yourself or give them to the cats,'
+  Whines the poor bride, now bursting into tears:
+  'Well, Polly, would you rather dine on mouse
+  I'll catch a few if any in the house;'
+  'I won't eat rats, I won't eat mice--I won't
+  Don't tell me of such dirty vermin--don't
+  O, that within my cage I had but tarried.'
+  'Polly,' quoth owl, 'I'm sorry I declare
+  So delicate you relish not our fare
+  You should have thought of that before you married.'"
+
+"The Ode to the Devil," is in reality a severe satire upon human nature
+under an unpleasant form. He says that men accuse the devil of being the
+cause of all the misdoings with which they are themselves solely
+chargeable, moreover that in truth they are very fond of him, and guilty
+of gross ingratitude in calling him bad names:--
+
+  "O Satan! whatsoever gear
+  Thy Proteus form shall choose to wear
+    Black, red, or blue, or yellow
+  Whatever hypocrites may say
+  They think thee (trust my honest lay)
+    A most bewitching fellow.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "'Tis now full time my ode should end
+  And now I tell thee like a friend,
+    Howe'er the world may scout thee
+  Thy ways are all so wondrous winning
+  And folks so very fond of sinning
+    They cannot do without thee."
+
+Sheridan was one of those writers to whose pecuniary distresses we owe
+the rich treasure he has bequeathed. His brother and his best friend
+confided to him that they were both in love with Miss Linley, a public
+singer, and his romantic or comic nature suggested to him that while
+they were competing for the prize, he might clandestinely carry it off.
+Succeeding in his attempt, he withdrew his wife from her profession, and
+was ever afterwards in difficulties. He seems in his comedies to have a
+love of sudden strokes and surprises, approaching almost to practical
+jokes, and very successful when upon the stage. A screen is thrown down
+and Lady Teazle discovered behind it--a sword instead of a trinket drops
+out of Captain Absolute's coat--the old duenna puts on her mistress'
+dress--all these produce an excellent effect without showing any very
+great power of humour. But he was celebrated as a wit in society--was
+full of repartee and pleasantry, and we are surprised to find that his
+plays only contain a few brilliant passages, and that their tissue is
+not more generally shot through with threads of gold.
+
+In comparison with the other dramatists of whom we have spoken, we
+observe in Sheridan the work of a more modern age. We have here no
+indelicacy or profanity, excepting the occasional oath, then
+fashionable; but we meet that satirical play on the manners and
+sentiments of men, which distinguishes later humour. In Mrs. Malaprop,
+we have some of that confusion of words, which seems to have been
+traditional upon the stage. Thus, she says that Captain Absolute is the
+very "pine-apple of perfection," and that to think of her daughter's
+marrying a penniless man, gives her the "hydrostatics." She does not
+wish her to be a "progeny of learning," but she should have a
+"supercilious knowledge" of accounts, and be acquainted with the
+"contagious countries." There is a satire, which will come home to most
+of us in Malaprop, notwithstanding her ignorance and stupidity, giving
+her opinion authoritatively on education. She says that Lydia Languish
+has been spoiled by reading novels, in which Sir Anthony agrees. "Madam,
+a circulating library in a town is an evergreen tree of diabolical
+knowledge! It blossoms through the year, and depend on it, Mrs.
+Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long
+for the fruit at last." Not only Mrs. Malaprop, but also Sir Anthony,
+form an entirely wrong estimate of themselves. The latter tells his son
+that he must marry the woman he selects for him, although she have the
+"skin of a mummy, and beard of a Jew." On his son objecting, he tells
+him not to be angry. "So you will fly out! Can't you be cool like me?
+What the devil good can a passion do? Passion is of no service, you
+impudent, violent, over-bearing reprobate. There, you sneer again! don't
+provoke me!--but you rely on the mildness of my temper, you do, you
+dog!"
+
+Sheridan's humour is generally of this strong kind--very suitable for
+stage effect, but not exquisite as wit. Hazlitt admits this in very
+complimentary terms:--
+
+     "His comic muse does not go about prying into obscure corners, or
+     collecting idle curiosities, but shows her laughing face, and
+     points to her rich treasure--the follies of mankind. She is
+     garlanded and crowned with roses and vine leaves. Her eyes sparkle
+     with delight, and her heart runs over with good-natured malice."
+
+Sheridan often aims at painting his scenes so as to be in antithesis to
+ordinary life. In Faulkland we have a lover so morbidly sensitive, that
+even every kindness his mistress shows him, gives him the most exquisite
+pain. Don Ferdinand is much in the same state. Lydia Languish is so
+romantic, that she is about to discard her lover--with whom she intended
+to elope--as soon as she hears he is a man of fortune. In Isaac the Jew,
+we have a man who thinks he is cheating others, while he is really being
+cheated. Sir Peter Teazle's bickering with his wife is well known and
+appreciated. The subject is the oldest which has tempted the comic muse,
+and still is, unhappily, always fresh. The following extracts are from
+"The Duenna"--
+
+Isaac says to Father Paul that "he looks the very priest of Hymen!"
+
+     _Paul._ In short I may be called so, for I deal in repentance and
+     mortification.
+
+     _Don Antonio._ But thou hast a good fresh colour in thy face,
+     father, i' faith!
+
+     _Paul._ Yes. I have blushed for mankind till the hue of my shame is
+     as fixed as their vices.
+
+     _Isaac._ Good man!
+
+     _Paul._ And I have laboured too, but to what purpose? they continue
+     to sin under my very nose.
+
+     _Isaac._ Efecks, fasher, I should have guessed as much for your
+     nose seems to be put to the blush more than any other part of your
+     face.
+
+Don Jerome's song is worthy of Gay:--
+
+  "If a daughter you have she's the plague of your life
+  No peace shall you know though you've buried your wife,
+  At twenty she mocks at the duty you taught her,
+  Oh! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+              Sighing and whining,
+              Dying and pining,
+  Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+
+  "When scarce in their teens they have wit to perplex us,
+  With letters and lovers for ever they vex us:
+  While each still rejects the fair suitor you've brought her;
+  O! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+              Wrangling and jangling,
+              Flouting and pouting,
+  Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter."
+
+One of Sheridan's strong situations is produced in this play. Don Jerome
+gives Isaac a glowing description of his daughter's charms; but when the
+latter goes to see her, the Duenna personates her.
+
+     _Isaac._ Madam, the greatness of your goodness overpowers me, that
+     a lady so lovely should deign to turn her beauteous eyes on me, so.
+     (_He turns and sees her._)
+
+     _Duenna._ You seem surprised at my condescension.
+
+     _Isaac._ Why yes, madam, I am a little surprised at it. (_Aside_)
+     This can never be Louisa--She's as old as my mother!...
+
+     _Duenna._ Signor, won't you sit?
+
+     _Isaac._ Pardon me, Madam, I have scarcely recovered my
+     astonishment at--your condescension, Madam. (_Aside_) She has the
+     devil's own dimples to be sure.
+
+     _Duenna._ I do not wonder, Sir, that you are surprised at my
+     affability. I own, Signor, that I was vastly prepossessed against
+     you, and being teazed by my father, did give some encouragement to
+     Antonio; but then, Sir, you were described to me as a quite
+     different person.
+
+     _Isaac._ Ay, and so you were to me upon my soul, Madam.
+
+     _Duenna._ But when I saw you, I was never more struck in my life.
+
+     _Isaac._ That was just my case too, Madam; I was struck all in a
+     heap for my part.
+
+     _Duenna._ Well, Sir, I see our misapprehension has been mutual--you
+     have expected to find me haughty and averse, and I was taught to
+     believe you a little black, snub-nosed fellow, without person,
+     manner, or address.
+
+     _Isaac._ Egad, I wish she had answered her picture as well.
+
+After this interview, Don Jerome asks him what he thinks of his
+daughter.
+
+     _Don Jerome._ Well, my good friend, have you softened her?
+
+     _Isaac._ Oh, yes, I have softened her.
+
+     _Don J._ Well, and you were astonished at her beauty, hey?
+
+     _Isaac._ I was astonished, indeed. Pray how old is Miss?
+
+     _Don J._ How old? let me see--twenty.
+
+     _Isaac._ Then upon my soul she is the oldest looking girl of her
+     age in Christendom.
+
+     _Don J._ Do you think so? but I believe you will not see a prettier
+     girl.
+
+     _Isaac._ Here and there one.
+
+     _Don J._ Louisa has the family face.
+
+     _Isaac._ Yes, egad, I should have taken it for a family face, and
+     one that has been in the family some time too.
+
+     _Don J._ She has her father's eyes.
+
+     _Isaac._ Truly I should have guessed them to be so. If she had her
+     mother's spectacles I believe she would not see the worse.
+
+     _Don J._ Her aunt Ursula's nose, and her grandmother's forehead to
+     a hair.
+
+     _Isaac._ Ay, faith, and her grandmother's chin to a hair.
+
+Sheridan, as we have observed, was not more remarkable as a dramatist
+than as a man of society, and passed for what was called a "wit." The
+name had been applied two centuries before to men of talent generally,
+especially to writers, but now it referred exclusively to such as were
+humorous in conversation. These men, though to a certain extent the
+successors of the parasites of Greece, and the fools of the middle ages,
+were men of education and independence, if not of good family, and
+rather sought popularity than any mercenary remuneration. The majority
+of them, however, were gainers by their pleasantry, they rose into a
+higher grade of society, were welcome at the tables of the great, and
+derived many advantages, not unacceptable to men generally poor and
+improvident. As Swift well observed, though not unequal to business,
+they were above it. Moreover, the age was one in which society was less
+varied than it is now in its elements and interests; when men of talent
+were more prominent, and it was easier to command an audience. It was
+known to all that Mr. ---- was coming, and guests repaired to the feast,
+not to talk, but to listen, as we should now to a public reading. The
+greatest joke and treat was to get two of such men, and set them against
+each other, when they had to bring out their best steel; although it
+sometimes happened, that both refused to fight. We need scarcely say
+that the humour which was produced in such quantities to supply
+immediate demand was not of the best kind, and that a large part of it
+would not have been relished by the fastidious critics of our own day.
+But some of these "wits" were highly gifted, they were generally
+literary men, and many of their good sayings have survived. The two who
+obtained the greatest celebrity in this field, seem to have been
+Theodore Hook and Sydney Smith. Selwyn, a precursor of these men, was
+so full of banter and impudence that George II. called him "that
+rascal George." "What does that mean," said the wit one day,
+musingly--"'rascal'? Oh, I forgot, it was an hereditary title of all the
+Georges." Perhaps Selwyn might have been called a "wag"--a name given to
+men who were more enterprising than successful in their humour, and
+which referred originally to mere ludicrous motion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+Southey--Drolls of Bartholomew Fair--The "Doves"--Typographical
+  Devices--Puns--Poems of Abel Shufflebottom.
+
+
+We have already mentioned the name of Southey. By far the greater part
+of his works are poetical and sentimental, and hence some doubt has been
+thrown upon the authorship of his work called "The Doctor." But in his
+minor poems we find him verging into humour, as where he pleads the
+cause of the pig and dancing bear, and even of the maggot. The last
+named is under the head of "The Filbert," and commences--
+
+  "Nay gather not that filbert, Nicholas,
+  There is a maggot there; it is his house--
+  His castle--oh! commit not burglary!
+  Strip him not naked; 'tis his clothes, his shell;
+  His bones, the case and armour of his life,
+  And thou shalt do no murder, Nicholas.
+  It were an easy thing to crack that nut,
+  Or with thy crackers or thy double teeth;
+  So easily may all things be destroyed!
+  But 'tis not in the power of mortal man
+  To mend the fracture of a filbert shell.
+  There were two great men once amused themselves
+  Watching two maggots run their wriggling race,
+  And wagering on their speed; but, Nick, to us
+  It were no sport to see the pampered worm
+  Roll out and then draw in his folds of fat
+  Like to some barber's leathern powder bag
+  Wherewith he feathers, frosts or cauliflowers,
+  Spruce beau, or lady fair, or doctor grave."
+
+Also his Commonplace Book proves that, like many other hardworking men,
+he amused his leisure hours with what was light and fantastic. Moreover,
+he speaks in some places of the advantage of intermingling amusement and
+instruction--
+
+     "Even in literature a leafy style, if there be any fruit under the
+     foliage, is preferable to a knotty one however fine the grain.
+     Whipt cream is a good thing, and better still when it covers and
+     adorns that amiable compound of sweetmeats and ratafia cakes soaked
+     in wine, to which Cowper likened his delightful poem, when he thus
+     described 'The Task'--
+
+     "'It is a medley of many things, some that may be useful, and some
+     that, for aught I know, may be very diverting. I am merry that I
+     may decoy people into my company, and grave that they may be the
+     better for it. Now and then I put on the garb of a philosopher, and
+     take the opportunity that disguise procures me to drop a word in
+     favour of religion. In short there is some froth, and here and
+     there some sweetmeat which seems to entitle it justly to the name
+     of a certain dish the ladies call a 'trifle.' But in 'task' or
+     'trifle' unless the ingredients were good the whole were nought.
+     They who should present to their deceived guests whipt white of egg
+     would deserve to be whipt themselves."
+
+But Southey by no means follows the profitable rule he here lays down.
+On the contrary, he sometimes betrays such a love of the marvellous as
+would seem unaccountable, had we not read bygone literature, and
+observed how strong the feeling was even as late as the days of the
+"Wonderful Magazine." Among his strange fancies we find in the "Chapter
+on Kings:"
+
+     "There are other monarchies in the inferior world beside that of
+     the bees, though they have not been registered by naturalists nor
+     studied by them. For example, the king of the fleas keeps his court
+     at Tiberias, as Dr. Clark discovered to his cost, and as Mr. Cripps
+     will testify for him."
+
+He proceeds to give humorous descriptions of the king of monkeys, bears,
+codfish, oysters, &c.
+
+Again--
+
+     "Would not John Dory's name have died with him, and so been long
+     ago dead as a door-nail, if a grotesque likeness for him had not
+     been found in the fish, which being called after him, has
+     immortalized him and his ugliness? But if John Dory could have
+     anticipated this sort of immortality when he saw his own face in
+     the glass, he might very well have 'blushed to find it fame.'"
+
+He is fond of introducing quaint old legends--
+
+     "There are certain Rabbis who affirm that Eve was not taken out of
+     Adam's side, but that Adam had originally been created with a tail,
+     and that among the various experiments and improvements which were
+     made in form and organization before he was finished, the tail was
+     removed as an inconvenient appendage, and of the excrescence or
+     superfluous part, which was then lopped off, the woman was formed."
+
+While on this subject he says that Lady Jekyll once asked William Wiston
+"Why woman was formed out of man's rib rather than out of any other part
+of his body?" Wiston scratched his head and replied, "Indeed, Madam, I
+do not know, unless it be that the rib is the most crooked part of the
+body."
+
+Southey gives a playbill of the Drolls of Bartholomew Fair in the time
+of Queen Anne--
+
+     "At Crawley's booth over against the Crown Tavern in Smithfield,
+     during the time of the Bartholomew Fair, will be presented a little
+     opera, called the 'Old Creation of the World,' yet newly revived,
+     with the addition of 'Noah's Flood.' Also several fountains playing
+     water during the time of the play. The last scene does represent
+     Noah and his family coming out of the Ark, with all the beasts two
+     and two, and all the fowls of the air seen in a prospect sitting
+     upon trees. Likewise over the Ark is seen the sun rising in a most
+     glorious manner. Moreover, a multitude of angels will be seen in a
+     double rank, which represents a double prospect, one for the sun,
+     the other for a palace, where will be seen six angels ringing of
+     bells. Likewise machines descend from above, double and treble,
+     with Dives rising out of Hell, and Lazarus seen in Abraham's bosom;
+     besides several figures, dancing jigs, sarabands, and country
+     dances to the admiration of the spectators, with the merry conceits
+     of Squire Punch and Sir John Spendall."
+
+     "So recently as the year 1816 the sacrifice of Isaac was
+     represented on the stage at Paris. Samson was the subject of the
+     ballet; the unshorn son of Manoah delighted the spectators by
+     dancing a solo with the gates of Gaza on his back; Delilah clipt
+     him during the intervals of a jig, and the Philistines surrounded
+     and captured him in a country-dance."
+
+Sometimes Southey indulges his fancy on very trifling subjects as,
+
+     "The Doves, father as well as son, were blest with a hearty
+     intellectual appetite, and a strong digestion, but the son had the
+     more Catholic taste. He would have relished caviare, would have
+     ventured on laver, undeterred by its appearance, and would have
+     liked it. He would have eaten sausages for breakfast at Norwich,
+     sally-luns at Bath, sweet butter in Cumberland, orange marmalade at
+     Edinburgh, Findon haddocks at Aberdeen, and drunk punch with
+     beef-steaks to oblige the French, if they insisted upon obliging
+     him with a _déjeuner à l'Anglaise_."
+
+  'A good digestion turneth all to health.'
+
+     "He would have eaten squab pie in Devonshire, and the pie which is
+     squabber than squab in Cornwall; sheep's-head with the hair on in
+     Scotland, and potatoes roasted on the hearth in Ireland, frogs with
+     the French, pickled-herrings with the Dutch, sour-krout with the
+     Germans, maccaroni with the Italians, aniseed with the Spaniards,
+     garlic with anybody, horse-flesh with the Tartars, ass-flesh with
+     the Persians, dogs with the North-Western American Indians, curry
+     with the Asiatic East Indians, bird's-nests with the Chinese,
+     mutton roasted with honey with the Turks, pismire cakes on the
+     Orinoco, and turtle and venison with the Lord Mayor, and the turtle
+     and venison he would have preferred to all the other dishes,
+     because his taste, though Catholic, was not undiscriminating." ...
+
+     "At the time of which I am now speaking, Miss Trewbody was a maiden
+     lady of forty-seven in the highest state of preservation. The whole
+     business of her life had been to take care of a fine person, and in
+     this she had succeeded admirably. Her library consisted of two
+     books; 'Nelson's Festivals and Fasts' was one, the other was the
+     'Queen's Cabinet Unlocked;' and there was not a cosmetic in the
+     latter which she had not faithfully prepared. Thus by means, as she
+     believed, of distilled waters of various kinds, maydew and
+     buttermilk, her skin retained its beautiful texture still and much
+     of its smoothness, and she knew at times how to give it the
+     appearance of that brilliancy which it had lost. But that was a
+     profound secret. Miss Trewbody, remembering the example of Jezebel,
+     always felt conscious that she had committed a sin when she took
+     the rouge-box in her hand, and generally ejaculated in a low voice
+     'The Lord forgive me!' when she laid it down; but looking in the
+     glass at the same time she indulged a hope that the nature of the
+     temptation might be considered an excuse for the transgression. Her
+     other great business was to observe with the utmost precision all
+     the punctilios of her situation in life, and the time which was not
+     devoted to one or other of these worthy occupations was employed in
+     scolding her servants and tormenting her niece. This kept the lungs
+     in vigorous health; nay it even seemed to supply the place of
+     wholesome exercise, and to stimulate the system like a perpetual
+     blister, with this peculiar advantage, that instead of an
+     inconvenience it was a pleasure to herself, and all the annoyance
+     was to her dependents.
+
+     "Miss Trewbody lies buried in the Cathedral at Salisbury, where a
+     monument was erected to her memory, worthy of remembrance itself
+     for its appropriate inscription and accompaniments. The epitaph
+     recorded her as a woman eminently pious, virtuous and charitable,
+     who lived universally respected, and died sincerely lamented by all
+     who had the happiness of knowing her. This inscription was upon a
+     marble shield supported by two Cupids, who bent their heads over
+     the edge with marble tears larger than gray peas, and something of
+     the same colour, upon their cheeks. These were the only tears that
+     her death occasioned, and the only Cupids with whom she had ever
+     any concern."
+
+Southey introduces into this work a variety of extracts from rare and
+curious books--stories about Job beating his wife, about surgical
+experiments tried upon criminals, about women with horns, and a man who
+swallowed a poker, and "looked melancholy afterwards." Well might he
+suppose that people would think this farrago a composite production of
+many authors, and he says that if it were so he might have given it
+instead of the "Doctor" a name to correspond with its heterogeneous
+origin, such as--Isdis Roso Heta Harco Samro Grobe Thebo Heneco Thojamma
+&c., the words continuing gradually to increase in length till we come
+to
+
+Salacoharcojotacoherecosaheco.
+
+After reading such flights as the above, we are surprised to find him
+despising the jester's bauble--
+
+     "Now then to the gentle reader. The reason why I do not wear cap
+     and bells is this.
+
+     "There are male caps of five kinds, which are worn at present in
+     this kingdom, to wit, the military cap, the collegiate cap, and the
+     night-cap. Observe, reader, I said _kinds_, that is to say in
+     scientific language _genera_--for the _species_ and varieties are
+     numerous, especially in the former genus.
+
+     "I am not a soldier, and having long been weaned from Alma Mater,
+     of course have left off my college cap. The gentlemen of the hunt
+     would object to my going out with bells on; it would be likely to
+     frighten their horses; and were I to attempt it, it might involve
+     me in unpleasant disputes. To my travelling cap the bells would be
+     an inconvenient appendage; nor would they be a whit more
+     comfortable upon my night cap. Besides, my wife might object to
+     them. It follows that if I would wear a cap and bells, I must have
+     a cap made on purpose. But this would be rendering myself singular;
+     and of all things, a wise man will avoid ostentatious appearance of
+     singularity. Now I am certainly not singular in playing the fool
+     without one."
+
+There is much in the style of the "Doctor," which reminds us of Sterne.
+He was evidently a favourite author with Southey, who speaking of his
+Sermons says, "You often see him tottering on the verge of laughter, and
+ready to throw his periwig in the face of the audience." Perhaps from
+him he acquired his love for tricks of form and typographical surprises.
+He introduces what he calls interchapters. "Leap chapters they cannot
+properly be called, and if we were to call them 'Ha-has' as being
+chapters, which the reader may skip if he likes, the name would appear
+rather strange than significant."
+
+He sometimes introduces a chapter without any heading in the following
+way--
+
+     "Sir," says the Compositor to the Corrector of the Press "there is
+     no heading for the copy for this chapter. What must I do?"
+
+     "Leave a space for it," the Corrector replies. "It is a strange
+     sort of book, but I dare say the author has a reason for everything
+     he says or does, and most likely you will find out his meaning as
+     you set up."
+
+Chapter lxxxviii begins--"While I was writing that last chapter a flea
+appeared upon the page before me, as there once did to St. Dominic." He
+proceeds to say that his flea was a flea of flea-flesh, but that St.
+Dominic's was the devil.
+
+Southey was particularly fond of acoustic humour. He represents
+Wilberforce as saying of the unknown author of the Doctor--Pooo-oo-oo-oo-r
+cr[=e][=e][=e]a-ture. Perhaps his familiarity with the works of Nash,
+Decker, and Rabelais suggested his word coming.
+
+One of the interchapters begins with the word _Aballiboozobanganorribo_.
+
+He questions in the "Poultry Yard" the assertion of Aristotle that it is
+an advantage for animals to be domesticated. The statement is regarded
+unsatisfactory by the fowl--replies to it being made by Chick-pick,
+Hen-pen, Cock-lock, Duck-luck, Turkey-lurkey, and Goosey-loosey.
+
+He occasionally coins words such as Potamology for the study of rivers,
+and Chapter cxxxiv is headed--
+
+"A transition, an anecdote, an apostrophe, and a pun, punnet, or
+pundigrion."
+
+He proposes in another chapter to make a distinction between masculine
+and feminine in several words.
+
+     "The troublesome affection of the diaphragm which every person has
+     experienced is to be called according to the sex of the
+     patient--He-cups or She-cups--which upon the principle of making
+     our language truly British is better than the more classical form
+     of Hiccup and Hoeccups. In the Objective use, the word becomes
+     Hiscups or Hercups and in like manner Histerrics should be altered
+     into Herterics--the complaint never being masculine."
+
+The Doctor is rich in variety of verbal humour--
+
+     "When a girl is called a lass, who does not perceive how that
+     common word must have arisen? who does not see that it may be
+     directly traced to a mournful interjection _Alas!_ breathed
+     sorrowfully forth at the thought that the girl, the lovely innocent
+     creature upon whom the beholder has fixed his meditative eye, would
+     in time become a woman--a woe to man."
+
+Our Doctor flourished in an age when the pages of Magazines, were filled
+with voluntary contributions from men who had never aimed at dazzling
+the public, but came each with his scrap of information, or his humble
+question, or his hard problem, or his attempt in verse--
+
+     "A was an antiquary, and wrote articles upon Altars and Abbeys and
+     Architecture. B made a blunder which C corrected. D demonstrated
+     that E was in error, and that F was wrong in Philology, and neither
+     Philosopher nor Physician though he affected to be both. G was a
+     Genealogist. H was a Herald who helped him. I was an inquisitive
+     inquirer, who found reason for suspecting J to be a Jesuit. M was a
+     Mathematician. N noted the weather. O observed the stars. P was a
+     poet, who produced pastorals, and prayed Mr. Urban to print them. Q
+     came in the corner of the page with a query. R arrogated to himself
+     the right of reprehending every one, who differed from him. S
+     sighed and sued in song. T told an old tale, and when he was wrong
+     U used to set him right; V was a virtuoso. W warred against
+     Warburton. X excelled in Algebra. Y yearned for immortality in
+     rhyme, and Z in his zeal was always in a puzzle."
+
+We have already observed that the pictorial representations of demons,
+which were originally intended to terrify, gradually came to be
+regarded as ludicrous. There was something decidedly grotesque in the
+stories about witches and imps, and Southey, deep in early lore, was
+remarkable for developing a branch of humour out of them. In one place
+he had a catalogue of devils, whose extraordinary names he wisely
+recommends his readers not to attempt to pronounce, "lest they should
+loosen their teeth or fracture them in the operation." Comic demonology
+may be said to have been out of date soon after time.
+
+Southey is not generally amatory in his humour, and therefore we
+appreciate the more the following effusions, which he facetiously
+attributes to Abel Shufflebottom. The gentleman obtained Delia's
+pocket-handkerchief, and celebrates the acquisition in the following
+strain--
+
+  "'Tis mine! what accents can my joy declare?
+  Blest be the pressure of the thronging rout,
+  Blest be the hand, so hasty, of my fair,
+  And left the tempting corner hanging out!
+
+  "I envy not the joy the pilgrim feels,
+  After long travel to some distant shrine,
+  When at the relic of his saint he kneels,
+  For Delia's pocket-handkerchief is mine.
+
+  "When first with filching fingers I drew near,
+  Keen hope shot tremulous through every vein,
+  And when the finished deed removed my fear,
+  Scarce could my bounding heart its joy contain.
+
+  "What though the eighth commandment rose to mind,
+  It only served a moment's qualm to move;
+  For thefts like this it could not be designed,
+  The eighth commandment was not made for love.
+
+  "Here when she took the macaroons from me,
+  She wiped her mouth to clear the crumbs so sweet,
+  Dear napkin! Yes! she wiped her lips in thee,
+  Lips sweeter than the macaroons she eat.
+
+  "And when she took that pinch of Mocabau,
+  That made my love so delicately sneeze,
+  Thee to her Roman nose applied I saw,
+  And thou art doubly dear for things like these.
+
+  "No washerwoman's filthy hand shall e'er,
+  Sweet pocket-handkerchef, thy worth profane,
+  For thou hast touched the rubies of my fair,
+  And I will kiss thee o'er and o'er again."
+
+In another Elegy he expatiates on the beauty of Delia's locks;--
+
+  "Happy the _friseur_ who in Delia's hair,
+  With licensed fingers uncontrolled may rove;
+  And happy in his death the dancing bear,
+  Who died to make pomatum for my love.
+
+  "Fine are my Delia's tresses as the threads
+  That from the silk-worm, self-interred, proceed,
+  Fine as the gleamy gossamer that spreads
+  Its filmy web-work over the tangled mead.
+
+  "Yet with these tresses Cupid's power elate
+  My captive heart hath handcuffed in a chain,
+  Strong as the cables of some huge first-rate,
+  That bears Britannia's thunders o'er the main.
+
+  "The Sylphs that round her radiant locks repair,
+  In flowing lustre bathe their brightened wings,
+  And elfin minstrels with assiduous care,
+  The ringlets rob for fairy fiddlestrings."
+
+Of course Shufflebottom is tempted to another theft--a rape of the
+lock--for which he incurs the fair Delia's condign displeasure--
+
+  "She heard the scissors that fair lock divide,
+  And while my heart with transport panted big,
+  She cast a fiery frown on me, and cried,
+  'You stupid puppy--you have spoilt my wig.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+Lamb--His Farewell to Tobacco--Pink Hose--On the Melancholy of
+  Tailors--Roast Pig.
+
+
+No one ever so finely commingled poetry and humour as Charles Lamb. In
+his transparent crystal you are always seeing one colour through
+another, and he was conscious of the charm of such combinations, for he
+commends Andrew Marvell for such refinement. His early poems printed
+with those of Coleridge, his schoolfellow at Christ's Hospital, abounded
+with pure and tender sentiment, but never arrested the attention of the
+public. We can find in them no promise of the brilliancy for which he
+was afterwards so distinguished, except perhaps in his "Farewell to
+Tobacco," where for a moment he allowed his Pegasus to take a more
+fantastic flight.
+
+  "Scent, to match thy rich perfume,
+  Chemic art did ne'er presume,
+  Through her quaint alembic strain,
+  None so sovereign to the brain;
+  Nature that did in thee excel,
+  Framed again no second smell,
+  Roses, violets, but toys
+  For the smaller sort of boys,
+  Or for greener damsels meant,
+  Thou art the only manly scent."
+
+But although forbidden to smoke, he still hopes he may be allowed to
+enjoy a little of the delicious fragrance at a respectful distance--
+
+  "And a seat too 'mongst the joys
+  Of the blest Tobacco Boys;
+  Where though I, by sour physician,
+  Am debarred the full fruition
+  Of thy favours, I may catch
+  Some collateral sweets, and snatch
+  Sidelong odours that give life-
+  Like glances from a neighbour's wife,
+  And still live in thee by places
+  And the suburbs of thy graces;
+  And in thy borders take delight,
+  An unconquered Canaanite."
+
+His early years brought forth another kind of humour which led to his
+being appointed jester to the "Morning Post." He was paid at the rate of
+sixpence a joke, furnished six a day, and depended upon this
+remuneration for his supplementary livelihood--everything beyond mere
+bread and cheese. As humour, like wisdom, is found of those who seek her
+not, we may suppose the quality of these productions was not very good.
+He thus bemoans his irksome task, which he performed generally before
+breakfast--
+
+     "No Egyptian task-master ever devised a slavery like to that, our
+     slavery. No fractious operants ever turned out for half the
+     tyranny, which this necessity exercised upon us. Half-a-dozen jests
+     in a day, (bating Sundays too,) why, it seems nothing! We make
+     twice the number every day in our lives as a matter of course, and
+     claim no Sabbatical exemptions. But then they come into our head.
+     But when the head has to go out to them--when the mountain must go
+     to Mahomet. Readers, try it for once, only for some short
+     twelvemonth."
+
+Lamb, however, only obtained this undesirable appointment by a
+coincidence he thus relates,--
+
+     "A fashion of flesh--or rather pink-coloured hose for the ladies
+     luckily coming up when we were on our probation for the place of
+     Chief Jester to Stuart's Paper, established our reputation. We were
+     pronounced a 'capital hand.' O! the conceits that we varied upon
+     _red_ in all its prismatic differences!... Then there was the
+     collateral topic of ankles, what an occasion to a truly chaste
+     writer like ourself of touching that nice brink and yet never
+     tumbling over it, of a seemingly ever approximating something 'not
+     quite proper,' while like a skilful posture master, balancing
+     between decorums and their opposites, he keeps the line from which
+     a hair's breadth deviation is destruction.... That conceit arrided
+     us most at that time, and still tickles our midriff to remember
+     where allusively to the flight of Astroea we pronounced--in
+     reference to the stockings still--that 'Modesty, taking her final
+     leave of mortals, her last blush was visible in her ascent to the
+     Heavens by the track of the glowing instep.'"
+
+References of a somewhat amatory character often make sayings
+acceptable, which for their intrinsic merit would scarcely raise a
+smile, and Lamb soon seriously deplored the loss of this serviceable
+assistance. He continues:--
+
+     "The fashion of jokes, with all other things, passes away as did
+     the transient mode which had so favoured us. The ankles of our fair
+     friends in a few weeks began to reassume their whiteness, and left
+     us scarce a leg to stand upon. Other female whims followed, but
+     none methought so pregnant, so invitatory of shrewd conceits, and
+     more than single meanings."
+
+He tells us that Parson Este and Topham brought up the custom of witty
+paragraphs first in the "World," a doubtful statement--and that even in
+his day the leading papers began to give up employing permanent wits.
+Many of our provincial papers still regale us with a column of facetiæ,
+but machine-made humour is not now much appreciated. We require
+something more natural, and the jests in these papers now consist mostly
+of extracts from the works, or anecdotes from the lives of celebrated
+men. The pressure thus brought to bear upon Lamb for the production of
+jests in a given time led him to indulge in very bad puns, and to try to
+justify them as pleasant eccentricities. What can be expected from a man
+who tells us that "the worst puns are the best," or who can applaud
+Swift for having asked, on accidentally meeting a young student carrying
+a hare; "Prithee, friend, is that your own hair or a wig?" He finds the
+charm in such hazards in their utter irrelevancy, and truly they can
+only be excused as flowing from a wild and unchastened fancy. It must
+require great joviality or eccentricity to find any humour in
+caricaturing a pun.
+
+Speaking of the prospectus of a certain Burial Society, who promised a
+handsome plate with an angel above and a flower below, Lamb
+ventures--"Many a poor fellow, I dare swear, has that Angel and Flower
+kept from the Angel and Punchbowl, while to provide himself a bier he
+has curtailed himself of beer." But to record all Lamb's bad puns would
+be a dull and thankless task. We will finish the review of his verbal
+humour by quoting a passage out of an indifferent farce he wrote
+entitled, "Mr. H----."
+
+     (_The hero cannot on account of his patronymic get any girl to
+     marry him._)
+
+     "My plaguy ancestors, if they had left me but a Van, or a Mac, or
+     an Irish O', it had been something to qualify it--Mynheer Van
+     Hogsflesh, or Sawney Mac Hogsflesh, or Sir Phelim O'Hogsflesh, but
+     downright blunt---- If it had been any other name in the world I
+     could have borne it. If it had been the name of a beast, as Bull,
+     Fox, Kid, Lamb, Wolf, Lion; or of a bird, as Sparrow, Hawk,
+     Buzzard, Daw, Finch, Nightingale; or of a fish, as Sprat, Herring,
+     Salmon; or the name of a thing, as Ginger, Hay, Wood; or of a
+     colour, as Black, Gray, White, Green; or of a sound, as Bray; or
+     the name of a month, as March, May; or of a place, as Barnet,
+     Baldock, Hitchen; or the name of a coin, as Farthing, Penny,
+     Twopenny; or of a profession, as Butcher, Baker, Carpenter, Piper,
+     Fisher, Fletcher, Fowler, Glover; or a Jew's name, as Solomons,
+     Isaacs, Jacobs; or a personal name, as Foot, Leg, Crookshanks,
+     Heaviside, Sidebottom, Ramsbottom, Winterbottom; or a long name, as
+     Blanchenhagen or Blanchhausen; or a short name as Crib, Crisp,
+     Crips, Tag, Trot, Tub, Phips, Padge, Papps, or Prig, or Wig, or
+     Pip, or Trip; Trip had been something, but Ho--!"
+
+     (_Walks about in great agitation; recovering his coolness a little,
+     sits down._)
+
+These were weaker points in Lamb, but we must also look at the other
+side. Those who have read his celebrated essay on Hogarth will find that
+he possesses no great appreciation for that humour which is only
+intended to raise a laugh, and might conclude that he was more of a
+moralist than a humorist. He admires the great artist as an instructor,
+but admits that "he owes his immortality to his touches of humour, to
+his mingling the comic with the terrible." Those, he continues, are to
+be blamed who overlook the moral in his pictures, and are merely taken
+with the humour or disgusted by the vulgarity. Moreover, there is a
+propriety in the details; he notices the meaning in the tumbledown
+houses "the dumb rhetoric," in which "tables, chairs, and joint stools
+are living, and significant things." In these passages Lamb seems to
+regard the comic merely as a means to an end;--"Who sees not," he asks,
+"that the grave-digger in Hamlet, the fool in Lear have a kind of
+correspondency to, and fall in with, the subjects which they seem to
+interrupt; while the comic stuff in 'Venice Preserved,' and the doggrel
+nonsense of the cook and his poisoning associates in the Rollo of
+Beaumont and Fletcher are pure irrelevant, impertinent discords--as bad
+as the quarreling dog and cat under the table of our Lord and the
+Disciples at Emmaus, of Titian."
+
+Lamb's interpretation of Hogarth's works is that of a superior and
+thoughtful mind: but we cannot help thinking that the humour in them
+was not so entirely subordinate to the moral. One conclusion we may
+incidentally deduce from his remarks--that the meaning in pictorial
+illustrations, either as regards humour or sentiment, is not so
+appreciable as it would be in words, and consequently that caricatures
+labour under considerable disadvantages. "Much," he says, "depends upon
+the habits of mind we bring with us." And he continues--"It is peculiar
+to the confidence of high genius alone to trust much to spectators or
+readers," he might have added that in painting, this confidence is often
+misplaced, especially as regards the less imaginative part of the
+public. We owe him a debt, however, for a true observation with regard
+to the general uses of caricatures, that "it prevents that disgust at
+common life which an unrestricted passion for ideal forms and beauties
+is in danger of producing."
+
+But leaving passages in which Lamb approves of absurd jesting, and those
+in which he commends humour for pointing a moral, we come to consider
+the largest and most characteristic part of his writings, his pleasant
+essays, in which he has neither shown himself a moralist or a
+mountebank.
+
+The following is from an Essay "On the Melancholy of Tailors."
+
+     "Observe the suspicious gravity of their gait. The peacock is not
+     more tender, from a consciousness of his peculiar infirmity, than a
+     gentleman of this profession is of being known by the same
+     infallible testimonies of his occupation, 'Walk that I may know
+     thee.'
+
+     "Whoever saw the wedding of a tailor announced in the newspapers, or
+     the birth of his eldest son?
+
+     "When was a tailor known to give a dance, or to be himself a good
+     dancer, or to perform exquisitely upon the tight rope, or to shine
+     in any such light or airy pastimes? To sing, or play on the violin?
+     Do they much care for public rejoicings, lightings up, ringing of
+     bells, firing of cannons, &c.
+
+     "Valiant I know they be, but I appeal to those who were witnesses
+     to the exploits of Eliot's famous troop whether in their fiercest
+     charges they betrayed anything of that thoughtless oblivion to
+     death with which a Frenchman jigs into battle, or, whether they did
+     not show more of the melancholy valour of the Spaniard upon whom
+     they charged that deliberate courage which contemplation and
+     sedentary habits breathe."
+
+Lamb accounts for this melancholy of tailors in several ingenious ways.
+
+     "May it not be that the custom of wearing apparel, being derived to
+     us from the fall, and one of the most mortifying products of that
+     unhappy event, a certain seriousness (to say no more of it) may in
+     the order of things have been intended to have been impressed upon
+     the minds of that race of men to whom in all ages the care of
+     contriving the human apparel has been entrusted."
+
+He makes further comments upon their habits and diet, observing that
+both Burton and Galen especially disapprove of cabbage.
+
+In "Roast Pig" we have one of those homely subjects which were congenial
+to Lamb.
+
+     "There is no flavour comparable, I will contend, to that of the
+     crisp, tawny, well-watched, not over roasted crackling--as it is
+     well called--the very teeth are invited to their share of the
+     pleasure at this banquet in overcoming the coy, brittle
+     resistance--with the adhesive oleaginous--O call it not fat--but
+     an indefinable sweetness growing up to it--the tender blossoming of
+     fat--fat cropped in the bud--taken in the shoot in the first
+     innocence--the cream and quintessence of the child pig's yet pure
+     food--the lean--no lean, but a kind of animal manna--or rather fat
+     and lean (if it must be so) so blended and running into each other,
+     that both together make but one ambrosian result, or common
+     substance.
+
+     "Behold him, while he is doing--it seemeth rather a refreshing
+     warmth than a scorching heat, that he is passive to. How equably he
+     twirleth round the string! Now he is just done. To see the extreme
+     sensibility of that tender age; he hath wept out his pretty
+     eyes--radiant jellies--shooting stars....
+
+     "His sauce should be considered. Decidedly a few bread crumbs done
+     up with his liver and brains, and a dish of mild sage. But banish,
+     dear Mrs. Cook, I beseech you the whole onion tribe. Barbecue your
+     whole hogs to your palate, steep them in shalots, stuff them out
+     with plantations of the rank and guilty garlic, you cannot poison
+     them or make them sharper than they are--but consider he is a
+     weakling--a flower."
+
+Lamb gives his opinion that you can no more improve sucking pig than you
+can refine a violet.
+
+Thus he proceeds along his sparkling road--his humour and poetry
+gleaming one through the other, and often leaving us in pleasant
+uncertainty whether he is in jest or earnest. Though not gifted with the
+strength and suppleness of a great humorist, he had an intermingled
+sweetness and brightness beyond even the alchemy of Addison. We regret
+to see his old-fashioned figure receding from our view--but he will ever
+live in remembrance as the most joyous and affectionate of friends.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Byron--Vision of Judgment--Lines to Hodgson--Beppo--Humorous
+  Rhyming--Profanity of the Age.
+
+
+Moore considered that the original genius of Byron was for satire, and
+he certainly first became known by his "English Bards and Scotch
+Reviewers." Nevertheless, his humorous productions are very small
+compared with his sentimental. It might perhaps have been expected that
+his mind would assume a gloomy and cynical complexion. His personal
+infirmity, with which, in his childhood, even his mother was wont to
+taunt him, might well have begotten a severity similar to that of Pope.
+The pressure of friends and creditors led him, while a mere stripling,
+to form an uncongenial alliance with a stern puritan, who, while
+enjoying his renown, sought to force his soaring genius into the
+trammels of commonplace conventionalities. On his refusing, a clamour
+was raised against him, and those who were too dull to criticise his
+writings were fully equal to the task of finding fault with his morals.
+It may be said that he might have smiled at these attacks, and conscious
+of his power, have replied to his social as well as literary critics
+
+  "Better to err with Pope than shine with Pye,"
+
+and so he might, had he possessed an imperturbable temper, and been able
+to forecast his future fame. But a man's career is not secure until it
+is ended, and the throne of the author is often his tomb. Moreover, the
+same hot blood which laid him open to his enemies, also rendered him
+impatient of rebuke. Coercion roused his spirit of opposition; he fell
+to replies and retorts, and to "making sport for the Philistines." He
+would show his contempt for his foes by admitting their charges, and
+even by making himself more worthy of their vituperation. And so a great
+name and genius were tarnished and spotted, and a dark shadow fell upon
+his glory. But let us say he never drew the sword without provocation.
+In condemning the wholesale onslaught he made in the "Bards and
+Reviewers," we must remember that it was a reply to a most unwarrantable
+and offensive attack made upon him by the "Edinburgh Review," written as
+though the fact of the author being a nobleman had increased the spleen
+of the critic. It says:--
+
+     "The poesy of this young lord belongs to the class which neither
+     gods nor men are said to permit. Indeed we do not recollect to have
+     seen a quantity of verse with so few deviations in either direction
+     for that exact standard. His effusions are spread over a dead flat,
+     and can no more get above or below the level than if they were so
+     much stagnant water.... We desire to counsel him that he forthwith
+     abandon poetry and turn his talents, which are considerable, and
+     his opportunities, which are great, to better account."[15]
+
+So his profanity in the "Vision of Judgment," was in answer to Southey's
+poem of that name, the introduction of which contained strictures
+against him. Accused of being Satanic, he replies with some profanity,
+and with that humour which he principally shows in such retorts--
+
+  "Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate,
+  His keys wore rusty, and the lock was dull,
+  So little trouble had been given of late--
+  Not that the place by any means was full;
+  But since the Gallic era 'eighty-eight'
+  The devils had ta'en a longer, stronger pull,
+  And 'a pull together,' as they say
+  At sea--which drew most souls another way.
+
+  "The angels all were singing out of tune,
+  And hoarse with having little else to do,
+  Excepting to wind up the sun and moon,
+  Or curb a runaway young star or two,
+  Or wild colt of a comet, which too soon
+  Broke out of bounds o'er the ethereal blue,
+  Splitting some planet with its playful tail
+  As boats are sometimes by a wanton whale."
+
+The effect of Southey reading _his_ "Vision of Judgment" is thus
+given:--
+
+  "Those grand heroics acted as a spell,
+  The angels stopped their ears, and plied their pinions,
+  The devils ran howling deafened down to hell,
+  The ghosts fled gibbering, for their own dominions."
+
+His poem on a lady who maligned him to his wife, seems to show that he
+did not well distinguish where the humorous ends and the ludicrous
+begins. He represents her--
+
+  "With a vile mask the Gorgon would disown
+  A cheek of parchment and an eye of stone,
+  Mark how the channels of her yellow blood
+  Ooze at her skin, and stagnate there to mud,
+  Cased like the centipede in saffron mail,
+  A darker greenness of the scorpion's scale,
+  Look on her features! and behold her mind
+  As in a mirror of itself defined."
+
+No one suffered more than Byron from his humour being misapprehended.
+His letters abound with jests and _jeux d'esprit_, which were often
+taken seriously as admissions of an immoral character. We gladly turn to
+something pleasanter--to some of the few humorous pieces he wrote in a
+genial tone--
+
+
+  EPIGRAM.
+
+  The world is a bundle of hay
+  Mankind are the asses who pull
+  Each tugs in a different way,
+  The greatest of all is John Bull.
+
+Lines to Mr. Hodgson (afterwards Provost of Eton) written on board the
+packet for Lisbon,
+
+  Huzza! Hodgson, we are going,
+  Our embargo's off at last,
+  Favourable breezes blowing
+  Bend the canvas o'er the mast,
+  From aloft the signal's streaming
+  Hark! the farewell gun is fired,
+  Women screeching, tars blaspheming,
+  Tell us that our time's expired.
+            Here's a rascal
+            Come to task all,
+  Prying from the custom house;
+            Trunks unpacking,
+            Cases cracking,
+  Not a corner for a mouse,
+  'Scapes unsearched amid the racket
+  Ere we sail on board the packet....
+
+  Now our boatmen quit the mooring,
+  And all hands must ply the oar:
+  Baggage from the quay is lowering,
+  We're impatient, push from shore.
+  "Have a care that case holds liquor--
+  Stop the boat--I'm sick--oh Lord!"
+  "Sick, ma'am, d--me, you'll be sicker,
+  Ere you've been an hour on board."
+            Thus are screaming
+            Men and women,
+  Gemmen, ladies, servants, tacks;
+            Here entangling,
+            All are wrangling,
+  Stuck together close as wax,
+  Such the general noise and racket
+  Ere we reach the Lisbon packet.
+
+  Fletcher! Murray! Bob! where are you?
+  Stretched along the deck like logs--
+  Bear a hand, you jolly tar, you!
+  Here's a rope's end for the dogs.
+  Hobhouse muttering fearful curses
+  As the hatchway down he rolls,
+  Now his breakfast, now his verses,
+  Vomits forth and d--ns our souls.
+
+In Beppo there is much gay carnival merriment and some humour--a style
+well suited to Italian revelry. When Laura's husband, Beppo, returns,
+and is seen in a new guise at a ball, we read--
+
+  "He was a Turk the colour of mahogany
+  And Laura saw him, and at first was glad,
+  Because the Turks so much admire philogyny,
+  Although the usage of their wives is sad,
+  'Tis said they use no better than a dog any
+  Poor woman, whom they purchase like a pad;
+  They have a number though they ne'er exhibits 'em,
+  Four wives by law and concubines 'ad libitum."
+
+On being assured that he is her husband, she exclaims--
+
+  "_Beppo._ And are you really truly, now a Turk?
+  With any other women did you wive?
+  Is't true they use their fingers for a fork?
+  Well, that's the prettiest shawl--as I'm alive!
+  You'll give it me? They say you eat no pork.
+  And how so many years did you contrive
+  To--Bless me! did I ever? No, I never
+  Saw a man grown so yellow! How's your liver?"
+
+More than half the poem is taken up with digressions, more or less
+amusing, such as--
+
+  "Oh, mirth and innocence! Oh milk and water!
+    Ye happy mixtures of more happy days!
+  In these sad centuries of sin and slaughter
+    Abominable man no more allays
+  His thirst with such pure beverage. No matter,
+    I love you both, and both shall have my praise!
+  Oh, for old Saturn's reign of sugar-candy!
+    Meantime I drink to your return in brandy."
+
+We may observe that there is humour in the rhymes in the above stanzas.
+He often used absurd terminations to his lines as--
+
+  "For bating Covent garden, I can hit on
+  No place that's called Piazza in Great Britain."
+
+People going to Italy, are to take with them--
+
+  "Ketchup, Soy, Chili-vinegar and Harvey,
+  Or, by the Lord! a Lent will well nigh starve ye."
+
+We are here reminded of the endings of some of Butler's lines. Such
+rhymes were then regarded as poetical, but in our improved taste we only
+use them for humour. Lamb considered them to be a kind of punning, but
+in one case the same position, in the other the same signification is
+given to words of the same sound. The following couplet was written
+humorously by Swift for a dog's collar--
+
+  "Pray steal me not: I'm Mrs. Dingley's
+  Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies."
+
+Pope has the well known lines,
+
+  "Worth makes the man and want of it the fellow,
+  And all the rest is leather and prunella."
+
+Miss Sinclair also, in her description of the Queen's visit to Scotland,
+has adopted these irregular terminations with good effect--
+
+  "Our Queen looks far better in Scotland than England
+  No sight's been like this since I once saw the King land.
+
+  Edina! long thought by her neighbours in London
+  A poor country cousin by poverty undone;
+
+  The tailors with frantic speed, day and night cut on,
+  While scolded to death if they misplace a button.
+
+  And patties and truffles are better for Verrey's aid,
+  And cream tarts like those which once almost killed Scherezade."
+
+The parallelism of poetry has undergone very many changes, but there has
+generally been an inclination to assimilate it to the style of chants or
+ballad music. The forms adopted may be regarded as arbitrary--the
+rythmical tendency of the mind being largely influenced by established
+use and surrounding circumstances. We cannot see any reason why rhymes
+should be terminal--they might be at one end of the line as well as at
+the other. We might have--
+
+  "Early rose of Springs first dawn,
+  Pearly dewdrops gem thy breast,
+  Sweetest emblem of our hopes,
+  Meetest flower for Paradise."
+
+But there are signs that all this pedantry, graceful as it is, will
+gradually disappear. Blank verse is beginning to assert its sway, and
+the sentiment in poetry is less under the domination of measure. No
+doubt the advance to this freer atmosphere will be slow, music has
+already adopted a wider harmony. Ballads are being superseded by part
+singing, and airs by sonatas. The time will come when to produce a
+jingle at the end of lines will seem as absurd as the rude harmonies of
+Dryden and Butler now appear to us.
+
+It would not be just to judge of the profanity of Byron by the standard
+of the present day. We have seen that two centuries since parodies
+which to us would seem distasteful, if not profane, were written and
+enjoyed by eminent men. Probably Byron, a man of wide reading had seen
+them, and thought that he too might tread on unforbidden ground and
+still lay claim to innocence. The periodicals and collections of the
+time frequently published objectionable imitations of the language of
+Scripture and of the Liturgy, evidently ridiculing the peculiarities
+inseparable from an old-fashioned style and translation. In the
+"Wonderful Magazine" there was "The Matrimonial Creed," which sets forth
+that the wife is to bear rule over the husband, a law which is to be
+kept whole on pain of being "scolded everlastingly."
+
+A litany supposed to have been written by a nobleman against Tom Paine,
+was in the following style.
+
+
+  THE POOR MAN'S LITANY.
+
+  "From four pounds of bread at sixteen-pence price,
+  And butter at eighteen, though not very nice,
+  And cheese at a shilling, though gnawed by the mice,
+            Good Lord deliver us!"
+
+The "Chronicles of the Kings of England," by Nathan Ben Sadi were also
+of this kind, parodies on Scripture were used at Elections on both
+sides, and one on the Te Deum against Napoleon had been translated into
+all the European languages. But a most remarkable trial took place in
+the year 1817, that of William Hone for publishing profane parodies
+against the Government. From this we might have hoped that a better
+taste was at length growing up, but Hone maintained that the prosecution
+was undertaken on political grounds, and that had the satires been in
+favour of the Government nothing would have been said against them. He
+also complained of the profanity of his accuser, the Attorney-General,
+who was perpetually "taking the Lord's name in vain" during his speech.
+Some parts of Hone's publications seem to have debased the Church
+Services by connecting them with what was coarse and low, but the main
+object was evidently to ridicule the Regent and his Ministers, and this
+view led the jury to acquit him. Still there was no doubt that his
+satire reflected in both ways. His Catechism of a Ministerial member
+commenced--
+
+     _Question._ What is your name?
+
+     _Answer._ Lick-spittle.
+
+     _Ques._ Who gave you this name?
+
+     _Ans._ My Sureties to the Ministry in my political charge, wherein
+     I was made a member of the majority, the child of corruption, and a
+     locust to devour the good things of this kingdom.
+
+The supplications in his Litany were of the following kind--
+
+     "O Prince! ruler of thy people, have mercy upon us thy miserable
+     subjects."
+
+Some of Gillray's caricatures would not now be tolerated, such as that
+representing Hoche ascending to Heaven surrounded by Seraphim and
+Cherubim--grotesque figures with red nightcaps and tri-coloured cockades
+having books before them containing the Marseillaise hymn. In another
+Pitt was going to heaven in the form of Elijah, and letting his mantle
+drop on the King's Ministers.
+
+It must be admitted that there is often a great difficulty in deciding
+whether the intention was to ridicule the original writing or the
+subject treated in the Parody. A variety of circumstances may tend to
+determine the question on one side or the other, but regard should
+especially be had as to whether any imperfection in the original is
+pointed out. The fault may be only in form, but in the best travesties
+the sense and subject are also ridiculed, and with justice.
+
+Such was the aim in the celebrated "Rejected Addresses," and it was well
+carried out. This work now exhibits the ephemeral character of humour,
+for, the originals having fallen into obscurity, the imitations afford
+no amusement. But we can still appreciate a few, especially the two
+respectively commencing:--
+
+  "My brother Jack was nine in May,
+  And I was eight on New Year's day;
+  So in Kate Wilson's shop,
+  Papa, (he's my papa and Jack's,)
+  Bought me, last week, a doll of wax,
+    And brother Jack a top."...
+
+And--
+
+  "O why should our dull retrospective addresses,
+    Fall damp as wet blankets on Drury Lane fire?
+  Away with blue devils, away with distresses,
+    And give the gay spirit to sparkling desire.
+
+  "Let artists decide on the beauties of Drury,
+    The richest to me is when woman is there;
+  The question of houses I leave to the jury;
+    The fairest to me is the house of the fair."
+
+The point in these will be recognised at once, as Wordsworth and Moore
+are still well known.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+Theodore Hook--Improvisatore Talent--Poetry--Sydney Smith--The "Dun
+  Cow"--Thomas Hood--Gin--Tylney Hall--John Trot--Barbara's Legends.
+
+
+Theodore Hook was at Harrow with Lord Byron, and characteristically
+commenced his career there by breaking one of Mrs. Drury's windows at
+the suggestion of that nobleman. His father was a popular composer of
+music, and young Theodore's first employment was that of writing songs
+for him. This, no doubt, gave the boy a facility, and led to the great
+celebrity he acquired for his improvisatore talent. He was soon much
+sought for in society, and a friend has told me that he has heard him,
+on sitting down to the piano, extemporize two or three hundred lines,
+containing humorous remarks upon all the company. On one occasion, Sir
+Roderick Murchison was present, and some would have been a little
+puzzled how to bring such a name into rhyme, but he did not hesitate a
+moment running on:--
+
+  "And now I'll get the purchase on,
+  To sing of Roderick Murchison."
+
+Cowden Clark relates that when at a party and playing his symphony,
+Theodore asked his neighbour what was the name of the next guest, and
+then sang:--
+
+  "Next comes Mr. Winter, collector of taxes,
+  And you must all pay him whatever he axes;
+  And down on the nail, without any flummery;
+  For though he's called Winter, his acts are all summary."
+
+Horace Twiss tried to imitate him in this way, but failed. Hook's humour
+was not of very high class. He was fond of practical jokes, such as that
+of writing a hundred letters to tradesmen desiring them all to send
+goods to a house on a given day. Sometimes he would surprise strangers
+by addressing some strange question to them in the street. He started
+the "John Bull" newspaper, in which he wrote many humorous papers, and
+amused people by expressing his great surprise, on crossing the Channel,
+to find that every little boy and girl could speak French.
+
+He wrote cautionary verses against punning:--
+
+  "My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun
+  That very silly thing, indeed, which people call a pun;
+  Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence
+  It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense.
+  For instance, _ale_ may make you _ail_, your _aunt_ an _ant_ may kill,
+  You in a _vale_ may buy a _veil_, and _Bill_ may pay the _bill_;
+  Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be,
+  A _peer_ appears upon the _pier_, who blind still goes to _sea_."
+
+But he was much given to the practice he condemns--here is an epigram--
+
+  "It seems as if Nature had cunningly planned
+  That men's names with their trades should agree,
+  There's Twining the tea-man, who lives in the Strand,
+  Would be _whining_ if robbed of his T."
+
+Mistakes of words by the uneducated are a very ordinary resource of
+humorists, but, of course, there is a great difference in the quality of
+such jests. Mrs. Ramsbottom in Paris, eats a _voulez-vous_ of fowl, and
+some pieces of _crape_, and goes to the _symetery_ of the _Chaise and
+pair_. Afterwards she goes to the _Hotel de Veal_, and buys some _sieve_
+jars to keep _popery_ in.
+
+Hook was a strong Tory, and some of his best humour was political. One
+of his squibs has been sometimes attributed to Lord Palmerston.
+
+  "Fair Reform, Celestial maid!
+  Hope of Britons! Hope of Britons!
+  Calls her followers to aid;
+  She has fit ones, she has fit ones!
+  They would brave in danger's day,
+  Death to win her! Death to win her;
+  If they met not by the way,
+  Michael's dinner! Michael's dinner!"
+
+Alluding to a dinner-party which kept several Members from the House on
+the occasion of an important division.
+
+Among his political songs may be reckoned "The Invitation" (from one of
+the Whig patronesses of the Lady's Fancy Dress Ball,)
+
+  "Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering,
+  Freedom's flag at Willis's is just unfurled,
+  We, with French dances, will overcome French vapouring,
+  And with ice and Roman punch amaze the world;
+  There's I myself, and Lady L----, you'll seldom meet a rummer set,
+  With Lady Grosvenor, Lady Foley, and her Grace of Somerset,
+  While Lady Jersey fags herself, regardless of the bustle, ma'am,
+  With Lady Cowper, Lady Anne, and Lady William Russell, ma'am.
+  Come, ladies, come, &c."
+
+There is a sort of polite social satire running through Theodore Hook's
+works, but it does not exhibit any great inventive powers. In
+"Byroniana," he ridicules the gossiping books written after Byron's
+death, pretending to give the minutest accounts of his habits and
+occasional observations--and generally omitting the names of their
+authority. Thus Hook tells us in a serio-comic tone:--
+
+     "He had a strong antipathy to pork when underdone or stale, and
+     nothing could induce him to partake of fish which had been caught
+     more than ten days--indeed, he had a singular dislike even to the
+     smell of it. He told me one night that ---- told ---- that if ----
+     would only ---- him ---- she would ---- without any compunction:
+     for her ----, who though an excellent man, was no ----, but that
+     she never ----, and this she told ---- and ---- as well as Lady
+     ---- herself. Byron told me this in confidence, and I may be blamed
+     for repeating it; but ---- can corroborate it; if it happens not to
+     be gone to ----"
+
+The following written against an old-fashioned gentleman, Mr. Brown, who
+objects to the improvements of the age, is interesting. It is amusing
+now to read an ironical defence of steam, intended to ridicule the
+pretensions of its advocates.
+
+     "Mr. Brown sneers at steam and growls at gas. I contend that the
+     utility of constructing a coach which shall go by hot water, nearly
+     as fast as two horses can draw it at a trifling additional expense,
+     promises to be wonderfully useful. We go too fast, Sir, with
+     horses; besides, horses eat oats, and farmers live by selling oats;
+     if, therefore, by inconveniencing ourselves, and occasionally
+     risking our lives, we can, however imperfectly, accomplish by steam
+     what is now done by horses, we get rid of the whole race of
+     oat-sowers, oat-sellers, oat-eaters, and oat-stealers, vulgarly
+     called ostlers."
+
+Sydney Smith especially aimed at pleasantry in his humour, there was no
+animosity in it, and generally no instruction. Mirth, pure and simple,
+was his object. Rogers observes "After Luttrell, you remembered what
+good things he said--after Smith how much you laughed."
+
+In Moore's Diary we read "at a breakfast at Roger's, Smith, full of
+comicality and fancy, kept us all in roars of laughter." His wit was so
+turned, that it never wounded. When he took leave of Lord Dudley, the
+latter said, "You have been laughing at me constantly, Sydney, for the
+last seven years, and yet in all that time, you never said a thing to me
+that I wished unsaid."
+
+It would be superfluous to give a collection of Smith's good sayings,
+but the following is characteristic of his style. When he heard of a
+small Scotchman going to marry a lady of large dimensions, he exclaimed,
+
+     "Going to marry her? you mean a part of her, he could not marry her
+     all. It would be not bigamy but trigamy. There is enough of her to
+     furnish wives for a whole parish. You might people a colony with
+     her, or give an assembly with her, or perhaps take your morning's
+     walk round her, always providing there were frequent resting-places
+     and you were in rude health. I was once rash enough to try walking
+     round her before breakfast, but only got halfway, and gave up
+     exhausted."
+
+Smith's humour was nearly always of this continuous kind, "changing its
+shape and colour to many forms and hues." He wished to continue the
+merriment to the last, but such repetition weakened its force. His
+humour is better when he has some definite aim in view, as in his
+letters about America, where he lost his money. But we have not many
+specimens of it in his writings, the following is from "The Dun Cow:"--
+
+     "The immense importance of a pint of ale to a common man should
+     never be overlooked, nor should a good-natured Justice forget that
+     he is acting for Lilliputians, whose pains and pleasures lie in
+     very narrow compass, and are but too apt to be treated with neglect
+     and contempt by their superiors. About ten or eleven o'clock in the
+     morning, perhaps, the first faint shadowy vision of a future pint
+     of beer dawns on the fancy of the ploughman. Far, very far is it
+     from being fully developed. Sometimes the idea is rejected;
+     sometimes it is fostered. At one time he is almost fixed on the
+     'Red Horse,' but the blazing fire and sedulous kindness of the
+     landlady of the 'Dun Cow' shake him, and his soul labours! Heavy is
+     the ploughed land, dark, dreary, and wet the day. His purpose is at
+     last fixed for beer! Threepence is put down for the vigour of the
+     ale, and one penny for the stupefaction of tobacco, and these are
+     the joys and holidays of millions, the greatest pleasure and
+     relaxation which it is in the power of fortune to bestow."
+
+Such kindly feelings as animated Sydney Smith were found more fully
+developed in Thomas Hood. He made his humour minister to philanthropy.
+The man who wrote the "Song of the Shirt" felt keenly for all the
+sufferings of the poor--he even favoured some of their unreasonable
+complaints. Thus he writes the "Address of the Laundresses to the Steam
+Washing Company," to show how much they are injured by such an
+institution. In a "Drop of Gin," he inveighs against this destructive
+stimulant.
+
+  "Gin! gin! a drop of gin!
+  What magnified monsters circle therein,
+  Bagged and stained with filth and mud,
+  Some plague-spotted, and some with blood."
+
+He seems not to be well pleased with Mr. Bodkin, the Secretary for the
+Society for the Suppression of Mendicity--
+
+  "Hail! king of shreds and patches, hail!
+  Dispenser of the poor!
+  Thou dog in office set to bark
+  All beggars from the door!
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Of course thou art what Hamlet meant
+  To wretches, the last friend;
+  What ills can mortals have that can't
+  With a bare _bodkin_ end."
+
+Mr. M'Adam is apostrophized--
+
+  "Hail Roadian, hail Colossus, who dost stand,
+  Striding ten thousand turnpikes on the land?
+  Oh, universal Leveller! all hail!"
+
+In a sporting dialogue in "Tylney Hall," we have--
+
+     "'A clever little nag, that,' said the Squire, after a long
+     one-eyed look at the brown mare, 'knows how to go, capital action.'
+
+     "'A picture, isn't she?' said the Baronet. 'I bought her last week
+     by way of a surprise to Ringwood. She was bred by old Toby Sparks
+     at Hollington, by Tiggumbob out of Tolderol, by Diddledumkins,
+     Cockalorum, and so forth.'
+
+     "'An odd fish, old Toby;' said the Squire, 'always give 'em queer
+     names: can jump a bit, no doubt?'
+
+     "'She jumps like a flea,' said Dick, 'and as for galloping, she can
+     go from anywhere to everywhere in forty minutes--and back again.'"
+
+We may also mention his description of an old-fashioned doctor.
+
+     "At first sight we were in doubt whether to set him down as a
+     doctor or a pedagogue, for his dress presented one very
+     characteristic appendage of the latter, namely a square cut black
+     coat, which never was, never would be, and probably never had been,
+     in fashion. A profusion of cambric frills, huge silver
+     shoe-buckles, a snuff-box of the same metal, and a gold-headed cane
+     belonging rather to the costume of the physician of the period. He
+     wore a very precise wig of a very decided brown, regularly crisped
+     at the top like a bunch of endive, and in front, following the
+     exact curves of the arches of two bushy eyebrows. He had dark eyes,
+     a prominent nose, and a wide mouth--the corners of which in smiling
+     were drawn towards his double chin. A florid colour on his face
+     hinted a plethoric habit, while a portly body and a very short
+     thick neck bespoke an apoplectic tendency. Warned by these
+     indications, prudence had made him a strict water-drinker, and
+     abstemious in his diet--a mode of treatment which he applied to all
+     his patients short or tall, stout or thin, with whom whatever their
+     disease, he invariably began by reducing them, as an arithmetician
+     would say, to their lowest terms. This mode of treatment raised him
+     much in the estimation of the parish authorities."
+
+The humour in the following is of a lighter and more tricksy kind--
+
+  WRITTEN IN A YOUNG LADY'S ALBUM.
+
+  "Upon your cheek I may not speak,
+  Nor on your lip be warm,
+  I must be wise about your eyes,
+  And formal with your form;
+  Of all that sort of thing, in short,
+  On T. H. Bayly's plan,
+  I must not twine a single line,
+  I'm not a single man."
+
+On hearing that Grimaldi had left the stage, he enumerates his funny
+performances--
+
+  "Oh, who like thee could ever drink,
+  Or eat--smile--swallow--bolt--and choke,
+  Nod, weep, and hiccup--sneeze and wink?
+  Thy very gown was quite a joke!
+  Though Joseph Junior acts not ill,
+  'There's no fool like the old fool still.'"
+
+His felicity in playing with words is well exhibited in the stanzas on
+"John Trot."
+
+  "John Trot he was as tall a lad
+    As York did ever rear,
+  As his dear granny used to say,
+    He'd make a Grenadier.
+
+  "A serjeant soon came down to York
+    With ribbons and a frill;
+  My lad, said he, let broadcast be,
+    And come away to drill.
+
+  "But when he wanted John to 'list,
+    In war he saw no fun,
+  Where what is call'd a raw recruit,
+    Gets often over-done.
+
+  "Let others carry guns, said he,
+    And go to war's alarms,
+  But I have got a shoulder-knot
+    Imposed upon my arms.
+
+  "For John he had a footman's place,
+    To wait on Lady Wye,
+  She was a dumpy woman, tho'
+    Her family was high.
+
+  "Now when two years had passed away
+    Her lord took very ill,
+  And left her to her widowhood,
+    Of course, more dumpy still.
+
+  "Said John, I am a proper man,
+    And very tall to see,
+  Who knows, but now her lord is low
+    She may look up to me?
+
+  "'A cunning woman told me once
+    Such fortune would turn up,
+  She was a kind of sorceress,
+    But studied in a cup.'
+
+  "So he walked up to Lady Wye,
+    And took her quite amazed,
+  She thought though John was tall enough
+    He wanted to be raised.
+
+  "But John--for why? she was a dame
+    Of such a dwarfish sort--
+  Had only come to bid her make
+    Her mourning very short.
+
+  "Said he, 'your lord is dead and cold,
+    You only cry in vain,
+  Not all the cries of London now,
+    Could call him back again.
+
+  "'You'll soon have many a noble beau,
+    To dry your noble tears,
+  But just consider this that I
+    Have followed you for years.
+
+  "'And tho' you are above me far,
+    What matters high degree,
+  When you are only four foot nine,
+    And I am six foot three?
+
+  "'For though you are of lofty race,
+    And I'm a low-born elf,
+  Yet none among your friends could say,
+    You matched beneath yourself.'
+
+  "Said she, 'such insolence as this
+    Can be no common case;
+  Though you are in my service, Sir,
+    Your love is out of place.'
+
+  "'O Lady Wye! O Lady Wye!
+    Consider what you do;
+  How can you be so short with me,
+    I am not so with you!'
+
+  "Then ringing for her serving-men,
+    They show'd him to the door;
+  Said they, 'you turn out better now,
+    Why didn't you before?'
+
+  "They stripp'd his coat, and gave him kicks
+    For all his wages due,
+  And off instead of green and gold
+    He went in black and blue.
+
+  "No family would take him in
+    Because of this discharge,
+  So he made up his mind to serve
+    The country all at large.
+
+  "'Huzza!' the serjeant cried, and put
+    The money in his hand,
+  And with a shilling cut him off
+    From his paternal land.
+
+  "For when his regiment went to fight
+    At Saragossa town,
+  A Frenchman thought he look'd too tall,
+    And so he cut him down."
+
+Barham's humour, as seen in his "Ingoldsby Legends," is of a lower
+character, but shows that the author possessed a great natural facility.
+He had keen observation, but his taste did not prevent his employing it
+on what was coarse and puerile. Common slang abounds, as in "The Vulgar
+Little Boy;" he talks of "the devil's cow's tail," and is little afraid
+of extravagances. His metre often assists him, and we have often comic
+rhyming as where "Mephistopheles" answers to "Coffee lees," and he
+says:--
+
+  "To gain your sweet smiles, were I Sardanapalus,
+  I'd descend from my throne, and be boots at an alehouse,"
+
+But in raising a laugh and affording a pleasant distraction by fantastic
+humour on common subjects, the "Ingoldsby Legends" have been highly
+successful, and they are recommended by an occasional historical
+allusion, especially at the expense of the old monks. Being written by a
+man of knowledge and cultivation, they rise considerably above the
+standard of the contributions to lower class comic papers, which in some
+respects they resemble.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+Douglas Jerrold--Liberal Politics--Advantages of Ugliness--Button
+  Conspiracy--Advocacy of Dirt--The "Genteel Pigeons."
+
+
+There is an earnestness and a political complexion in the humour of
+Douglas Jerrold, such as might be expected from a man who had been
+educated in the school of adversity. He was born in a garret at
+Sheerness, where his father was manager of the theatre; and as he grew
+up in the seaport among ships, sailors and naval preparations, his
+ambition was fired, and he entered the service as a midshipman. On his
+return, after a short period, he found his father immersed in
+difficulties, due probably to the inactivity at the seaport in time of
+peace. Many a man has owed his success in life partly to his following
+his father's profession, and here fortune favoured Jerrold, as his
+maritime experiences assisted him as a writer for the stage. We can
+easily understand how "Black-eyed Susan" would move the hearts of
+sailors returning after a long voyage. Meanwhile the inner power and
+energy of the man developed itself in many directions; he perfected
+himself in Latin, French and Italian literature, wrote "leaders" for the
+"Morning Herald," and articles for Magazines. All his works were short,
+and those which were most approved never assumed an important character.
+The most successful enterprise in his career was his starting "Punch,"
+in conjunction with Gilbert' A-Beckett and Mark Lemon.
+
+Jerrold was a staunch and sturdy liberal, and his original idea was that
+of a periodical to expose every kind of hypocrisy, and fraud, and
+especially to attack the strongholds of Toryism. "Punch" owed much at
+its commencement to the pen of Jerrold, and has well retained its
+character for fun, although it scarcely now represents its projector's
+political ardour.
+
+His conversation overflowed with pleasantry, and in conversation he
+sometimes hazarded a pun, as when he asked Talfourd whether he had any
+more "Ions" in the fire. But the critic, who says that "every jest of
+his was a gross incivility made palatable by a pun," is singularly
+infelicitous, for as a humorous writer he is almost unique in his
+freedom from verbal humour. His style is often adagial or exaggerated,
+and we are constantly meeting such sentences as;
+
+     "Music was only invented to gammon human nature, and that is the
+     reason that women are so fond of it."
+
+     "A fellow from a horsepond will know anybody who's a supper and a
+     bed to give him."
+
+     "To whip a rascal for his rags is to pay flattering homage to cloth
+     of gold."
+
+     "A suspicious man would search a pincushion for treason, and see
+     daggers in a needle case."
+
+     "Wits, like drunken men with swords, are apt to draw their steel
+     upon their best acquaintance."
+
+     "What was talked of as the golden chain of love, was nothing but a
+     succession of laughs, a chromatic scale of merriment reaching from
+     earth to Olympus."
+
+St. Giles' and St. James' is written to show that "St. James in his
+brocade may probably learn of St. Giles in his tatters." It abounds in
+quaint and humorous moralizing. Here is a specimen--
+
+     "We cannot say if there really be not a comfort in substantial
+     ugliness: ugliness that unchanged will last a man his life, a good
+     granite face in which there shall be no wear or tear. A man so
+     appointed is saved many alarms, many spasms of pride. Time cannot
+     wound his vanity through his features; he eats, drinks, and is
+     merry in spite of mirrors. No acquaintance starts at sudden
+     alteration, hinting in such surprise, decay and the final tomb. He
+     grows old with no former intimates--churchyard voices--crying 'How
+     you're altered.' How many a man might have been a truer husband, a
+     better father, firmer friend, more valuable citizen, had he, when
+     arrived at legal maturity, cut off, say--an inch of his nose. This
+     inch--only an inch!--would have destroyed the vanity of the very
+     handsomest face, and so driven the thought of a man from a vulgar
+     looking-glass, a piece of shop crystal--and more, from the fatal
+     mirrors carried in the heads of women, to reflect heaven knows how
+     many coxcombs who choose to stare into them--driven the man to the
+     glass of his own mind. With such small sacrifice he might have been
+     a philosopher. Thus considered, how many a coxcomb may be within an
+     inch of a sage!"
+
+In another passage of the same book we read--
+
+     "Was there not Whitlow, beadle of the parish of St. Scraggs? What a
+     man-beast was Whitlow! how would he, like an avenging ogre, scatter
+     apple-women! how would he foot little boys guilty of peg-tops and
+     marbles! how would he puff at a beggar--puff like the picture of
+     the north wind in a spelling book! What a huge heavy purple face he
+     had, as though all the blood of his body were stagnant in his
+     cheeks! and then when he spoke, would he not growl and snuffle like
+     a dog? How the parish would have hated him, but that the parish
+     heard there was a Mrs. Whitlow; a small fragile woman, with a face
+     sharp as a penknife, and lips that cut her words like scissors! and
+     what a forlorn wretch was Whitlow with his head brought once a
+     night to the pillow! poor creature! helpless, confused; a huge
+     imbecility, a stranded whale! Mrs. Whitlow talked and talked; and
+     there was not an apple-woman that in Whitlow's sufferings was not
+     avenged: not a beggar that, thinking of the beadle at midnight,
+     might not in his compassion have forgiven the beadle of the day.
+     And in this punishment we acknowledge a grand, a beautiful
+     retribution. A Judge Jeffreys in his wig is an abominable tyrant;
+     yet may his victims sometimes smile to think what Judge Jeffreys
+     suffers in his night cap!"
+
+It is almost unnecessary to observe that the writer of Mrs. Caudle's
+Curtain Lectures was somewhat severe upon the fair sex. His idea of a
+perfect woman is that of one who is beautiful, "and can do everything
+but speak." In the "Chronicles of Clovernook"--_i.e._ of his little
+retreat near Herne Bay--he gives an account of the Hermit of Bellyfulle,
+who lives in "the cell of the corkscrew," and among many amusing
+paradoxes, maintains the following,
+
+     "Ay, Sir, the old story--the old grievance, Sir, twixt man and
+     woman," said the hermit.
+
+     "And what is that, Sir?" we asked.
+
+     The hermit shaking his head, and groaning cried, "Buttons."
+
+     "Buttons!" said we.
+
+     Our hermit drew himself closer to the table, and spreading his arms
+     upon it, leaned forward with the serious air of a man prepared to
+     discuss a grave thing. "Buttons," he repeated. Then clearing his
+     throat he began, "In the course of your long and, I hope, well
+     spent life, has it never come with thunderbolt conviction on you
+     that all washerwomen, clear-starchers, getters up of fine linen, or
+     under whatever name Eve's daughters--for as Eve brought upon us the
+     stern necessity of a shirt, it is but just that her girls should
+     wash it--under whatever name they cleanse and beautify flax and
+     cotton, that they are all under some compact, implied or solemnly
+     entered upon amongst themselves and their non-washing,
+     non-starching, non-getting up sisterhood, that by means subtle and
+     more mortally certain, they shall worry, coax, and drive all
+     bachelors and widowers soever into the pound of irredeemable
+     wedlock? Has this tremendous truth, sir, never struck you?'
+
+     "'How?--by what means?' we asked.
+
+     "'Simply by buttons.' answered the hermit, bringing down his
+     clenched fist upon the table.
+
+     "We knew it--we looked incredulous.
+
+     "'See here, sir,' said the Hermit, leaning still farther across the
+     table, 'I will take a man, who on his outstart in life, set his hat
+     a-cock at matrimony--a man who defies Hymen and all his wicked
+     wiles. Nevertheless, sir, the man must have a shirt, the man must
+     have a washerwoman, Think you that that shirt returning from the
+     tub, never wants one, two--three buttons? Always, sir, always. Sir,
+     though I am now an anchorite I have lived in your bustling world,
+     and seen--ay, quite as much as anyone of its manifold wickedness.
+     Well, the man--the buttonless man--at first calmly remonstrates
+     with his laundress. He pathetically wrings his wrists at her, and
+     shows his condition. The woman turns upon him her wainscot face and
+     promises amendment. The thing shall never happen again. Think you
+     the next shirt has its just and lawful number of buttons? Devil a
+     bit!'"
+
+In "The Bright Poker," he seems to pay a compliment under a guise of
+sarcasm:--
+
+     "And here my dear child, let me advise you to avoid by all means
+     what is called a clean wife. You will be made to endure the extreme
+     of misery under the base, the inviduous pretext of being rendered
+     comfortable. Your house will be an ark tossed by continual floods.
+     You will never know what it is to properly accommodate your
+     shoulders to a shirt, so brief will be its visit to your back ere
+     it again go to the washtub. And then for spiders, fleas, and other
+     household insects, sent especially into our homesteads to awaken
+     the enquiring spirit of man, to at once humble his individual pride
+     by the contemplation of their sagacity, and to elevate him by the
+     frequent evidence of the marvels of animal life--all these calls
+     upon our higher faculties will be wanting, and lacking them your
+     immortal part will be dizzied, stunned by the monotony of the
+     scrubbing-brush, and poisoned past the remedy of perfume by yellow
+     soap. Your wife and children, too, will have their faces
+     continually shining like the holiday saucers on the mantel-piece.
+     Now consider the conceit, the worse than arrogance of this; the
+     studied callous forgetfulness of the beginning of man. Did he not
+     spring from the earth?--from clay--dirt--mould--mud--garden soil,
+     or composition of some sort, for theological geology (you must look
+     in the dictionary for these words) has not precisely defined what;
+     and is it not the basest impudence of pride to seek to wash and
+     scrub and rub away the original spot? Is he not the most natural
+     man who in vulgar meaning is the dirtiest? Depend upon it, there is
+     a fine natural religion in dirt; and yet we see men and women
+     strive to appear as if they were compounded of the roses and lilies
+     in Paradise instead of the fine rich loam, that feeds their roots.
+     Be assured of it, there is great piety in what the ignorant
+     foolishly call filth. Take some of the Saints for an example--off
+     with their coats, and away with their hair shirts; and even then,
+     my son, so intently have they considered and been influenced by the
+     lowly origin of man, that with the most curious eye, and most
+     delicate finger, you shall not be able to tell where either saint
+     or dirt begins or ends."
+
+In a "Man made of Money," we have something original--a dialogue between
+two fleas, as they stand on the brow of Mr. Jericho--
+
+     "'My son,' says the elder, 'true it is, man feeds for us. Man is
+     the labouring chemist for the fleas; for them he turns the richest
+     meats and spiciest drinks to flea wine. Nevertheless, and I say it
+     with much pain, man is not what he was. He adulterates our tipple
+     most wickedly.'
+
+     "'I felt it with the last lodgers,' says the younger flea. 'They
+     drank vile spirits, their blood was turpentine with, I fear, a dash
+     of vitriol. How they lived at all, I know not. I always had the
+     headache in the morning. Here however,' and the juvenile looked
+     steadfastly down upon the plain of flesh, the wide champaign
+     beneath him--'here we have promise of better fare.'"
+
+But Douglas Jerrold's best humour is usually rather in the narrative
+and general issue than in any sudden hits or surprises. His "Sketches of
+The English" are humorous and admirably drawn, but it would be difficult
+to produce a single striking passage out of them. One of the most
+amusing stories in his collection of "Cakes and Ale" is called "The
+Genteel Pigeons."--A newly married couple return home before the end of
+the honeymoon, but wish to keep their arrival secret. George Tomata, a
+connection of the family, but unknown to Pigeon, calls at the house, and
+is denied admittance by the servant, but Pigeon, happening to come down
+asks if he has any message of importance to transact--
+
+     "'Not in the least, no--not at all,' answered Tomata leisurely
+     ascending the stairs, and with Mr Pigeon entering the drawing-room,
+     'So, the Pigeons are not at home yet eh?'
+
+     "'Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon the day of their marriage,' answered Pigeon
+     softly, 'went to Brighton.'
+
+     "'Ha! well, that's not three weeks yet. Of course, Sir, you are
+     intimate with Mr. Pigeon?'
+
+     "'I have the pleasure, sir,' said Samuel.
+
+     "'You lodge here, no doubt? Excuse me, although I have not with you
+     the pleasure--and doubtless it is a very great one--of knowing
+     Pigeon, still I am very intimate with his little wife.'
+
+     "'Indeed, Sir. I never heard her name--'
+
+     "'I dare say not, Sir; I dare say not. Oh very intimate; we wore
+     petticoats together. Baby companions, sir--baby companions--used to
+     bite the same pear.'
+
+     "'Really sir,'--and Pigeon shifted in his seat--'I was not aware of
+     so early and delicate a connection between yourself and Mrs.
+     Pigeon.'
+
+     "'We were to have been married, yes, I may say, the wedding-ring
+     was over the first joint of her finger.'
+
+     "'And pray, sir,' asked Pigeon, with a face of crimson, 'pray,
+     sir, what accident may have drawn the ring off again?'
+
+     "'You see, sir,' said George Tomata, arranging his hair by an
+     opposite mirror, 'my prospects lay in India--in India, sir. Now
+     Lotty--'
+
+     "'Who, sir?' exclaimed Pigeon, wrathfully.
+
+     "'Charlotte,' answered Tomata. 'I used to call her Lotty, and
+     she--he! he!--she used to call me 'Love-apple.' You may judge how
+     far we were both gone. For when a woman begins to play tricks with
+     a man's name you may be sure she begins to look upon it as her
+     future property.'
+
+     "'You are always right, sir, no doubt,' observed Pigeon, 'but you
+     were about to state the particular hindrance to your marriage
+     with'----
+
+     "'To be sure, Lotty--as I was going to observe, was a nice little
+     sugar-plum, a very nice little sugar-plum--as you will doubtless
+     allow.'
+
+     "It was with much difficulty that Pigeon possessed himself of
+     sufficient coolness to admit the familiar truth of the simile; he
+     however admitted the wife of his bosom to be a nice little
+     sugar-plum.
+
+     "'Very nice indeed, but I saw it--I felt convinced of it, and the
+     truth went like twenty daggers to my soul--but I discovered--'
+
+     "'Good heavens,' exclaimed Pigeon, 'discovered what?'
+
+     "'That her complexion,' replied Tomata, 'beautiful as it was would
+     not stand Trincomalee.'
+
+     "'And was that your sole objection to the match?' inquired Pigeon
+     solemnly.
+
+     "'I give you my honour as a gentleman that I had no other motive
+     for breaking off the marriage. Sir, I should have despised myself,
+     if I had; for, as I observed, we were both gone--very far gone
+     indeed.'
+
+     "'No doubt, sir,' answered Pigeon, burning to avow himself. 'But as
+     a friend of Mr. Pigeon, allow me to assure you that the lady was
+     not found too far gone to admit of a perfect recovery.'
+
+     "'I'm glad of it; hope it is so. By the way what sort of a fellow
+     is Pigeon? Had I been in London--I only came up yesterday--I should
+     have looked into the match before it took place. Lotty could expect
+     no less of me. What kind of an animal is this Pigeon?'
+
+     "'Kind of an animal, sir?' stammered Pigeon. 'Why, sir, he----'
+
+     "'Ha! that will do,' said the abrupt Tomata, 'as you're his friend
+     I'll not press you on that point. Poor Lotty--sacrificed I see!'"
+
+After more amusing dialogue he throws his card on the table and says he
+shall call, adding,
+
+     "'If Pigeon makes my Lotty a good husband, I'll take him by the
+     hand; if, however, I find him no gentleman--find that he shall use
+     the girl of my heart with harshness, or even with the least
+     unkindness--'
+
+     "'Well, sir!'--Pigeon thrusting his hands into his pockets
+     swaggered to Tomata--'what will you do then, sir?'
+
+     "'Then, sir. I shall again think the happiness of the lady placed
+     in my hands and thrash him--thrash him severely.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+Thackeray--His Acerbity--The Baronet--The Parson--Medical
+  Ladies--Glorvina--"A Serious Paradise."
+
+
+Thackeray resembled Lamb in the all-pervading character of his humour.
+He adorned with it almost everything he touched, but did not enter into
+it heart and soul, like a man of really joyous mirth-loving disposition.
+His pages teem with sly hits and insinuations, but he never developes a
+comic scene, and we can scarcely find a single really laughable episode
+in the whole course of his works. So little did he grasp or finish such
+pictures that we rarely select a passage from Thackeray for recitation.
+He thought more of plot and stratagem than of humour, and used the
+latter, not for its own sake, but mostly to give brilliance to his
+narrative, to make his figures prominent, and his remarks salient. He
+thus silvers unpalatable truths, and although he disowns being a
+moralist, we generally see some substratum of earnestness peeping
+through the eddies of his fancy. With him, humour is subservient. And
+he speaks from his inner self, when he exclaims, "Oh, brother wearers of
+motley! Are there not moments when one grows sick of grinning and
+tumbling, and the jingling of the cap and bells."
+
+We may say that much of Thackeray's humour is more inclined to produce a
+grin than a smile--merely to cause a grimace, owing to the bitterness
+from which it springs. It must be remembered, however, that the greater
+part of modern wit consists of sarcastic criticism, though it is not
+generally severe.
+
+In Thackeray we do not find any of that consciousness of the imbecility
+of man, which made some French writers call the humour of Democritus
+"melancholy." The "Vanity" of which he speaks is not that universal
+emptiness alluded to by the surfeited author of Ecclesiastes, nor has it
+even the ordinary signification of personal conceit. No; he implies
+something more culpable, such immorality as covetousness, deception,
+vindictiveness, and hypocrisy. He approaches the Roman Satirists in the
+relentless hand with which he exposes vice. Some of his characters are
+monstrous, and almost grotesque in selfishness, as that of Becky Sharp,
+to whom he does not allow one good quality. Cunning and unworthy
+motives add considerably to the zest of his humour. He says--
+
+     "This history has Vanity Fair for a title, and Vanity Fair is a
+     very vain foolish place, full of all sorts of humbugs and falseness
+     and pretentions. One is bound to speak the truth, as one knows it,
+     whether one mounts a cap and bells, or a shovel hat; and a deal of
+     disagreeable matter must come out in the course of such an
+     undertaking."
+
+Here is his description of a baronet, Sir Pitt Crawley;--
+
+     "The door was opened by a man in dark breeches and gaiters with a
+     dirty coat, a foul old neck cloth lashed round his bristly neck, a
+     shining bald head, a leering red face, a pair of twinkling grey
+     eyes, and a mouth perpetually on the grin.
+
+     "'This Sir John Pitt Crawley's?' says John, from the box.
+
+     "'Ees,' says the man at the door, with a nod.
+
+     "'Hand down these ere trunks then,' said John.
+
+     "'Hand 'n down yourself,' said the porter.
+
+     "'Don't you see I can't leave my horses? Come bear a hand, my fine
+     feller, and Miss will give you some beer,' said John, with a hoarse
+     laugh.
+
+     "The bald-headed man, taking his hands out of his breeches pockets,
+     advanced on this summons, and throwing Miss Sharp's trunk over his
+     shoulder, carried it into the house.
+
+     "On entering the dining room by the orders of the individual in
+     gaiters, Rebecca found that apartment not more cheerful than such
+     rooms usually are when genteel families are out of town.... Two
+     kitchen chairs and a round table and an attenuated old poker and
+     tongs were however gathered round the fire place, as was a saucepan
+     over a feeble sputtering fire. There was a bit of cheese and bread,
+     and a tin candlestick on the table, and a little black porter in a
+     pint pot.
+
+     "'Had your dinner, I suppose? It is too warm for you? Like a drop
+     of beer?'
+
+     "'Where is Sir Pitt Crawley?' said Miss Sharp majestically.
+
+     "'He, he! I'm Sir Pitt Crawley. Reclect you owe me a pint for
+     bringing down your luggage. He, he! Ask Tinker if I ayn't. Mrs.
+     Tinker, Miss Sharp, Miss Governess, Mrs. Charwoman, ho ho!'
+
+     "The lady addressed as Mrs. Tinker, at this moment made her
+     appearance with a pipe and paper of tobacco, for which she had been
+     dispatched a minute before Miss Sharp's arrival; and she handed the
+     articles over to Sir Pitt, who had taken his seat by the fire.
+
+     "'Where's the farden?' says he, 'I gave you three halfpence.
+     Where's the change, old Tinker?'
+
+     "'There,' replied Mrs. Tinker, flinging down the coin, 'it's only
+     baronets as cares about farthings.'
+
+     "'A farthing a day is seven shillings a year,' answered the M.P.,
+     'seven shillings a year is the interest of seven guineas. Take care
+     of your farthings, old Tinker, and your guineas will come quite
+     nat'ral.' ...
+
+     "And so with injunctions to Miss Sharp to be ready at five in the
+     morning, he bade her good night, 'You'll sleep with Tinker
+     to-night,' he said, 'it's a big bed, and there's room for two. Lady
+     Crawley died in it. Good night.'"
+
+He sums up Sir Pitt's character by saying. "He never had a taste,
+emotion or enjoyment, but what was sordid and foul."
+
+Sir Pitt's brother, the Rector of the parish, is represented as being
+almost as abominable as himself, though in a different way--
+
+     "The Reverend Bute Crawley was a tall, stately, shovel-hatted man,
+     far more popular in the county than the Baronet. At College he
+     pulled stroke oar in the Christchurch boat, and had thrashed all
+     the best bruisers of the 'town.' He carried his taste for boxing
+     and athletic exercises into private life, there was not a fight
+     within twenty miles at which he was not present, nor a race, nor a
+     coursing match, nor a regatta, nor a ball, nor an election, nor a
+     visitation dinner, nor indeed a good dinner in the whole county,
+     but he found means to attend it. He had a fine voice, sung 'A
+     Southerly Wind and a Cloudy Sky,' and gave the 'whoop' in chorus
+     with general applause. He rode to hounds in a pepper and salt
+     frock, and was one of the best fishermen in the county."
+
+The following is a sample of the conversation he holds with his wife,
+who, we are told "wrote this worthy Divine's sermons"--
+
+     "'Pitt can't be such an infernal villain as to sell the reversion
+     of the living, and that Methodist milksop of an eldest son looks to
+     Parliament,' continued Mr. Crawley, after a pause.
+
+     "'Sir Pitt will do anything,' said the Rector's wife, 'we must get
+     Miss Crawley to make him promise it, James.'
+
+     "'Pitt will promise anything,' replied the brother, 'he promised
+     he'd pay my college bills, when my father died; he promised he'd
+     build the new wing to the Rectory. And it is to this man's
+     son--this scoundrel, gambler, swindler, murderer, of a Rawdon
+     Crawley, that Matilda leaves the bulk of her money. I say it's
+     unchristian. By Jove it is. The infamous dog has got every vice
+     except hypocrisy, and that belongs to his brother."
+
+     "'Hush, my dearest love! we're in Sir Pitt's grounds,' interposed
+     his wife.
+
+     "'I say he has got every vice, Mrs. Crawley. Don't bully me. Didn't
+     he shoot Captain Marker? Didn't he rob young Lord Dovedale at the
+     Cocoa Tree? Didn't he cross the fight between Bill Soames and the
+     Cheshire Trump by which I lost forty pound? You know he did; and as
+     for women, why you heard that before me, in my own magistrates
+     room--'
+
+     "'For heaven's sake, Mr. Crawley,' said the lady, 'spare me the
+     details.'"
+
+It was in a great measure to this severe sarcasm that Thackeray owed his
+popularity. He justly observes:--
+
+     "My rascals are no milk-and-water rascals, I promise you ... such
+     people there are living in the world, faithless, hopeless,
+     charityless; let us have at them, dear friends, with might and
+     main. Some there are, and very successful too, mere quacks and
+     fools; and it was to combat and expose such as those no doubt, that
+     laughter was made."
+
+But he does not always seem to attribute merriment to this humble and
+unpleasant origin; he produces some passages really meant for enjoyment,
+and doing justice to his gift, attacks frivolities and failings, which
+are not of an important kind. Thus, he speaks in a jocund strain of the
+vanity of "fashionable fiddle-daddle and feeble court slip-slop," and
+exclaims, "Ah, ladies! Ask the Reverend Mr. Thurifer if Belgravia is not
+a sounding brass, and Tyburnia a tinkling cymbal!"
+
+He tells us that "The affection of young ladies is of as rapid a growth
+as Jack's beanstalk, and reaches up to the sky in a night," and in the
+following passage he exhibits the conduct of an amiable and estimable
+girl, when under this fascinating spell--
+
+     "Were Miss Sedley's letters to Mr. Osborn to be published, we
+     should have to extend this novel to such a multiplicity of volumes,
+     as not the most sentimental reader could support; she not only
+     filled large sheets of paper, but crossed them with the most
+     astonishing perverseness, she wrote whole pages out of poetry books
+     without the least pity, the underlined words and passages with
+     quite a frantic emphasis; and in fine gave the usual tokens of her
+     condition. Her letters were full of repetition, she wrote rather
+     doubtful grammar sometimes, and in her verses took all sorts of
+     liberties with the metre."
+
+Speaking of a very religious and medical lady--
+
+     "Pitt had been made to accept Saunders McNitre, Luke Waters, Giles
+     Jowles, Podger's Pills, Rodger's Pills, Pokey's Elixir--every one
+     of her ladyship's remedies, spiritual and temporal. He never left
+     her house without carrying respectfully away with him piles of her
+     quack theology and medicine. O, my dear brethren and
+     fellow-sojourners in Vanity Fair, which among you does not know and
+     suffer under such benevolent despots? It is in vain you say to
+     them, 'Dear madam, I took Podger's specific at your orders last
+     year, and believe in it. Why am I to recant, and accept the
+     Rodger's articles now?' There is no help for it; the faithful
+     proselytizer, if she cannot convince by argument, bursts into
+     tears, and the recusant finds himself taking down the bolus, and
+     saying 'Well, well, Rodger's be it.'"
+
+A still more alarming attack is thus represented:--
+
+     "Glorvina had flirted with all the marriageable officers, whom the
+     depôts of her country afforded, and all the bachelor squires who
+     seemed eligible. She had been engaged to be married a half-score of
+     times in Ireland, besides the clergyman at Bath, who had used her
+     so ill. She had flirted all the way to Madras with the captain and
+     chief-mate of the Ramchunder East Indiaman, and had a season at the
+     Presidency. Everybody admired her; everybody danced with her; but
+     no one proposed that was worth marrying.... Undismayed by forty or
+     fifty previous defeats, Glorvina laid siege to Major Dobbin. She
+     sang Irish melodies at him unceasingly. She asked him so frequently
+     and so pathetically 'Will you come to the bower,' that it is a
+     wonder how any man of feeling could have resisted the invitation.
+     She was never tired of inquiring if 'Sorrow had his young days
+     faded,' and was ready to listen and weep like Desdemona at the
+     stories of his dangers and campaigns. She was constantly writing
+     notes over to him at his house, borrowing his books, and scoring
+     with her great pencil marks such passages of sentiment or humour,
+     as awakened her sympathy. No wonder that public rumour assigned her
+     to him."
+
+In the following, Thackeray is more severe--
+
+     "His wife never cared about being called Lady Newcome. To manage
+     the great house of Hobson brothers and Newcome, to attend to the
+     interests of the enslaved negro: to awaken the benighted Hottentot
+     to a sense of the truth; to convert Jews, Turks, Infidels, and
+     Papists; to arouse the indifferent and often blasphemous mariner;
+     to guide the washerwoman in the right way; to head all the public
+     charities of her sect, and do a thousand secret kindnesses that
+     none knew of; to answer myriads of letters, pension, endless
+     ministers, and supply their teeming wives with continuous
+     baby-linen, to hear preachers daily bawling for hours, and listen
+     untired on her knees, after a long day's labour, while florid
+     rhapsodists belaboured cushions above her with wearisome
+     benedictions; all these things had this woman to do, and for nearly
+     fourscore years she fought her fight womanfully."
+
+This pious lady's residence was a "serious Paradise;"
+
+     "As you entered at the gate gravity fell on you; and decorum
+     wrapped you in a garment of starch. The butcher boy who galloped
+     his horse and cart madly about the adjoining lanes and commons,
+     whistled wild melodies (caught up in abominable play-house
+     galleries) and joked with a hundred cook-maids,--on passing that
+     lodge fell into an undertaker's pace, and delivered his joints and
+     sweetbreads silently at the servant's entrance. The rooks in the
+     elms cawed sermons at morning and evening: the peacocks walked
+     demurely on the terraces; and the guinea-fowls looked more
+     quaker-like than those savoury birds usually do. The lodge-keeper
+     was serious, and a clerk at a neighbouring chapel. The pastors who
+     entered at that gate, and greeted his comely wife and children, fed
+     the little lambkins with tracts. The head-gardener was a Scotch
+     Calvinist, after the strictest order, only occupying himself with
+     the melons and pines provisionally, and until the end of the world,
+     which event, he could prove by infallible calculations was to come
+     off in two or three years at farthest."
+
+In one place, a collision is represented between the old and young
+schools of criticism:
+
+     "The Colonel heard opinions that amazed and bewildered him; he
+     heard that Byron was no great poet, though a very clever man; he
+     heard that there had been a wicked persecution against Mr. Pope's
+     memory and fame, and that it was time to reinstate him; that his
+     favourite, Dr. Johnson, talked admirably, but did not write
+     English; that young Keats was a genius to be estimated in future
+     days with young Raphael; and that a young gentleman of Cambridge,
+     who had lately published two volumes of verses, might take rank
+     with the greatest poets of all. Dr. Johnson not write English! Lord
+     Byron not one of the greatest poets of the world! Sir Walter a poet
+     of the second order! Mr. Pope attacked for inferiority and want of
+     imagination; Mr. Keats, and this young Mr. Tennyson of Cambridge,
+     the chiefs of modern poetic literature? What were these new dicta
+     which Mr. Warrington delivered with a puff of tobacco smoke, to
+     which Mr. Honeyman blandly assented, and Clive listened with
+     pleasure?... With Newcome, the admiration for the literature of the
+     last century was an article of belief, and the incredulity of the
+     young men seemed rank blasphemy. 'You will be sneering at
+     Shakespeare next,' he said, and was silenced, though not better
+     pleased, when his youthful guests told him that Dr. Goldsmith
+     sneered at him too; that Dr. Johnson did not understand him, and
+     that Congreve in his own day, and afterwards, was considered to be,
+     in some points, Shakespeare's superior."
+
+In the next he relapses into his stronger sarcasm--
+
+     "There are no better satires than letters. Take a bundle of your
+     dear friends' letters of ten years back--your dear friend, whom you
+     hate now. Look at a file of your sister's! how you clung to each
+     other until you quarrelled about the twenty pound legacy.... Vows,
+     love promises, confidence, gratitude! how queerly they read after a
+     while.... The best ink for Vanity Fair use would be one that faded
+     utterly in a couple of days, and left the paper clean and blank, so
+     that you might write on it to somebody else."
+
+Again:--
+
+     "Many persons who let lodgings in Brighton have been servants
+     themselves, are retired housekeepers, tradesfolk, and the like.
+     With these surrounding individuals Hannah, treated on a footing of
+     equality, bringing to her mistress accounts of their various goings
+     on; 'how No. 6 was let; how No. 9 had not paid his rent again; how
+     the first floor at 27 had game almost every day, and made-dishes
+     from Mutton's; how the family who had taken Mrs. Bugsby's had left,
+     as usual, after the very first night, the poor little infant
+     blistered all over with bites on its dear little face; how the Miss
+     Leary's were going on shameful with the two young men, actually in
+     their sitting-room, mum, where one of them offered Miss Laura Leary
+     a cigar; how Mrs. Cribb _still_ went cuttin' pounds and pounds of
+     meat off the lodgers' jints, emptying their tea-caddies, actually
+     reading their letters. Sally had been told so by Polly, the Cribb's
+     maid, who was kep', how that poor child was kep,' hearing language
+     perfectly hawful!'"
+
+Thus in all Thackeray's descriptions there is more or less satire. He
+was always making pincushions, into which he was plunging his little
+points of sarcasm, and owing to his confining himself to this kind of
+humour he avoids the common danger of missing his mark. He is
+occasionally liberal of oaths and imprecations, and when any one of his
+characters is offended, he generally relieves his feelings by uttering
+"horrid curses." Barnes Newcome sends up "a perfect _feu d'artifice_ of
+oaths." But he is entirely free from indelicacy, and merely elegantly
+shadows forth the Eton form of punishment, as that "which none but a
+cherub can escape." In this respect he seems to have set before him the
+example of Mr. Honeyman, of whom he says he had "a thousand anecdotes,
+laughable riddles and droll stories (of the utmost correctness, you
+understand.)"
+
+Perhaps one of his least successful attempts at humour is a collection
+of fables at the commencement of the Newcomes in which we have
+conversations between a fox, an owl, a wolf in sheep's clothing, and a
+donkey in a lion's skin, and such incongruities as would have shocked
+Aristophanes. His Christmas books depend mostly on the broad caricatures
+with which they are embellished, and upon a large supply of rough
+joking.
+
+Thackeray wrote a work named the "English Humorists," but he omits in it
+all mention of the humour by which his authors were immortalized.
+Certainly the ordinary habits and little foibles of great men are more
+entertaining to the general public than inquiries into the nature of
+their talent, which would only interest those fond of study and
+investigation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+Dickens--Sympathy with the Poor--Vulgarity--Geniality--Mrs.
+  Gamp--Mixture of Pathos and Humour--Lever and Dickens
+  compared--Dickens' power of Description--General Remarks.
+
+
+We shall be paying Hood no undue compliment if we couple his name with
+that of Dickens as betokening the approach of milder and gentler
+sentiments. They were themselves the chief pioneers of the better way.
+Hitherto the poor and uneducated had been regarded with a certain amount
+of contempt; their language and stupidity had formed fertile subjects
+for the coarse ridicule of the humorist. But now a change was in
+progress; broader views were gaining ground, and a time was coming when
+men, notwithstanding the accidents of birth and fortune, should feel
+mutual sympathy, and
+
+  "brothers be for a' that."
+
+With Dickens the poor man was not a mere clown or blockhead; but beneath
+his "hodden gray" often carried good feeling, intelligence, and wit. He
+was rather humorous than ludicrous, and had some dignity of character.
+Since his time, consideration for the poor has greatly increased; we see
+it in the large charitable gifts, which are always increasing--in the
+interest taken in schools and hospitals. Probably the respectable and
+quiet character of the labouring classes has contributed to raise them
+in the estimation of the richer part of the community.
+
+A large portion of English humour is now employed upon so-called
+vulgarity. The modification of feeling with regard to the humbler
+classes has caused changes in the signification of this word. Originally
+derived from "vulgus," the crowd, it meant that roughness of language
+and manner which is found among the less educated. It did not properly
+imply anything culpable, but had a bad sense given it by those who
+considered "gentlemanly" to imply some moral superiority. The worship of
+wealth so caused the signification of this latter word to exceed its
+original reference to high birth, that we now hear people say that there
+are real gentlemen among the poorer classes; and, conversely, we at
+times speak of the vulgarity of the rich, as of their pride,
+impertinence, or affectation--just as Fielding used the word "mob" to
+signify contemptible people of any class. It is evident that some moral
+superiority or deficiency is thus implied. There may be, on the whole,
+some foundation for such distinctions, but they are not so much
+recognised as they were, scarcely at all in the cases of individuals,
+and the provincial accents and false grammar of the poor are more
+amusing than formerly, because we take a kindlier interest in that
+class.
+
+M. Taine does not seem to have exercised his usual penetration when he
+says that English humour "far from agreeable, and bitter in taste, like
+their own beverages, abounds in Dickens. French sprightliness, joy, and
+gaiety is a kind of good wine only grown in the lands of the sun. In its
+insular state it leaves an aftertaste of vinegar. The man who jests here
+is seldom kindly and never happy; he feels and censures the inequalities
+of life." On the contrary, we are inclined to think that French humour
+is fully as severe as English--they have such sayings as that "a man
+without money is a body without blood," and their great wits were not
+generally free from bitterness.
+
+There is little that is personal or offensive in Dickens. It is said
+that he was threatened with a prosecution for producing the character of
+Squeers, but in general his puppets are too artificial to excite any
+personal resentment. There are evidently set up merely to be knocked
+down. Few would identify themselves with Heap or Scrooge, and although
+the moral taught is appreciated by all, no class is hit, but only men
+who seem to be preeminent in churlishness or villainy. Dickens is
+remarkable for his gentleness whenever his humour touches the poor, and
+while he makes amusement out of their simplicity and ignorance, he
+throws in some sterling qualities. They often form the principal
+characters in his books, and there is nearly always in them something
+good-natured and sympathetic. Sam Weller is a pleasant fellow, so is
+Boots at the Holly Tree Inn. Mrs. Jarley, who travels about to fairs
+with wax-works, is a kindly and hospitable old party. She asks Nell and
+her grandfather to take some refreshment--
+
+     "The grandfather humbly pulled off his hat and thanked her. The
+     lady of the caravan then bade him come up the stairs, but the drum
+     proving an inconvenient table for two, they descended again and sat
+     upon the grass, where she handed down to them the tea-tray, the
+     bread and butter, the knuckle of ham, and in short everything of
+     which she had partaken herself, except the bottle which she had
+     already embraced an opportunity of slipping into her pocket.
+
+     "'Set 'em out near the hind wheels, child, that's the best place,'
+     said their friend superintending the arrangements from above. 'Now
+     hand up the tea-pot for a little more hot water, and a pinch of
+     fresh tea, and then both of you eat and drink as much as you can,
+     and don't spare anything; that's all I ask you.'
+
+     "While they were thus engaged the lady of the caravan alighted on
+     the earth, and with her hands clasped behind her, and her large
+     bonnet trembling excessively, walked up and down in a measured
+     tread and very stately manner surveying the caravan from time to
+     time with an air of calm delight and deriving particular
+     gratification from the red panels and brass knocker. When she had
+     taken this gentle exercise for some time, she sat down upon the
+     steps and called 'George,' whereupon a man in a carter's frock, who
+     had been so shrouded in a hedge up to this time as to see
+     everything that passed without being seen himself, parted the twigs
+     that concealed him and appeared in a sitting attitude supporting on
+     his legs a baking dish, and a half gallon stone bottle, and bearing
+     in his right hand a knife, and in his left a fork.
+
+     "'Yes, missus,' said George.
+
+     "'How did you find the cold pie, George?'
+
+     "'It worn't amiss, mum.'
+
+     "'And the beer?' said the lady of the caravan with an appearance of
+     being more interested in this question than the last, 'is it
+     passable, George?'
+
+     "'It's more flatterer than it might be,' George returned, 'but it
+     a'nt so bad for all that.'
+
+     "To set the mind of his mistress at rest, he took a sip (amounting
+     in quantity to a pint or thereabouts) from the stone bottle, and
+     then smacked his lips, winked his eye, and nodded his head. No
+     doubt with the same amiable desire he immediately resumed his knife
+     and fork as a practical assurance that the beer had wrought no bad
+     effect upon his appetite.
+
+     "The lady of the caravan looked on approvingly for some time and
+     then said,
+
+     "'Have you nearly finished?'
+
+     "Wery nigh, mum,' and indeed after scraping the dish all round with
+     his knife and carrying the choice brown morsels to his mouth, and
+     after taking such a scientific pull at the stone bottle that, by
+     degrees almost imperceptible to the sight, his head went farther
+     and farther back until he lay nearly at his full length upon the
+     ground, this gentleman declared himself quite disengaged, and came
+     forth from his retreat.
+
+     "'I hope I haven't hurried you, George,' said his mistress, who
+     appeared to have a great sympathy with his late pursuit.
+
+     "'If you have,' returned the fellow, wisely reserving himself for
+     any favourable contingency, 'we must make it up next time, that's
+     all.'"
+
+Mrs. Gamp has a touch of sympathy in her exuberance. Contemplating going
+down to the country with the Dickens' company of actors, she tells us--
+
+     "Which Mrs. Harris's own words to me was these, 'Sairey Gamp,' she
+     says, 'why not go to Margate? Srimps,' says that dear creetur, 'is
+     to your liking. Sairey, why not go to Margate for a week, bring
+     your constitution up with srimps, and come back to them loving arts
+     as knows and wallies you, blooming? Sairey,' Mrs. Harris says,
+     'you are but poorly. Don't denige it, Mrs. Gamp, for books is in
+     your looks. You must have rest. Your mind,' she says, 'is too
+     strong for you; it gets you down and treads upon you, Sairey. It is
+     useless to disguige the fact--the blade is a wearing out the
+     sheets.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'I could not undertake to
+     say, and I will not deceive you ma'am, that I am not the woman I
+     could wish to be. The time of worrit as I had with Mrs. Colliber,
+     the baker's lady, which was so bad in her mind with her first, that
+     she would not so much as look at bottled stout, and kept to gruel
+     through the month, has agued me, Mrs. Harris. But, ma'am,' I says
+     to her, 'talk not of Margate, for if I do go anywhere it is
+     elsewheres, and not there.' 'Sairey,' says Mrs. Harris solemn,
+     'whence this mystery? If I have ever deceived the hardest-working,
+     soberest, and best of women, mention it.' ... 'Mrs. Harris, then,'
+     I says, 'I have heard as there is an expedition going down to
+     Manjester and Liverpool a playacting, If I goes anywhere for change
+     it is along with that.' Mrs. Harris clasps her hands, and drops
+     into a chair, 'And have I lived to hear,' she says, 'of Sairey
+     Gamp, as always kept herself respectable, in company with
+     play-actors.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'be not alarmed, not
+     reg'lar play-actors--hammertoors.' 'Thank Evans!' says Mrs. Harris,
+     and bustizes into a flood of tears,"
+
+Dickens saw with Hood the power to be obtained by uniting pathos with
+humour. Such an intermixture at first appears inharmonious, but in
+reality produces sweet music. There is something corresponding to the
+course of external nature with its light and shade its sunshine and
+showers, in this melancholy chased away by mirth, and joy merging into
+sadness. Here, Dickens has held up the mirror, and shown a bright
+reflection of the outer world. Out of many choice specimens, we may
+select the following from the speech of the Cheap Jack--
+
+     "'Now, you country boobies,' says I, feeling as if my heart was a
+     heavy weight at the end of a broken sash-line, 'I give you notice
+     that I am going to charm the money out of your pockets, and to give
+     you so much more than your money's worth that you'll only persuade
+     yourselves to draw your Saturday-night's wages ever again
+     afterwards, by the hopes of meeting me to lay 'em out with, which
+     you never will; and why not? Because I've made my fortune by
+     selling my goods on a large scale for seventy-five per cent less
+     than I give for them, and I am consequently to be elevated to the
+     House of Peers next week by the title of the Duke of Cheap, and
+     Markis Jack-a-looral."
+
+He puts up a lot and after recommending it with all his eloquence
+pretends to knock it down--
+
+     "As there had been no bid at all, everybody looked about and
+     grinned at everybody, while I touched little Sophy's face (he was
+     holding her in his arms) and asked her if she felt faint or giddy.
+     'Not very, father; it will soon be over.' Then turning from the
+     pretty patient eyes, which were opened now, and seeing nothing but
+     grins across my lighted greasepot. I went on again in my cheap Jack
+     style. 'Where's the butcher?' (my mournful eye had just caught
+     sight of a fat young butcher on the outside of the crowd) 'She says
+     the good luck is the butcher's, where is he?' Everybody handed over
+     the blushing butcher to the front, and there was a roar, and the
+     butcher felt himself obliged to put his hand in his pocket and take
+     the lot. The party so picked out in general does feel obliged to
+     take the lot--good four times out of six. Then we had another lot
+     the counterpart of that one and sold it sixpence cheaper, which is
+     always very much enjoyed. Then we had the spectacles. It ain't a
+     special profitable lot, but I put 'em on, and I see what the
+     Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to take off the taxes, and I
+     see what the sweetheart of the young woman in the shawl is doing at
+     home, and I see what the Bishops has got for dinner, and a deal
+     more that seldom fails to fetch up their spirits, and the better
+     their spirits the better they bids. Then we had the ladies'
+     lot--the tea-pots, tea-caddy, glass sugar-basin, half-a-dozen
+     spoons, and caudle cup--and all the time I was making similar
+     excuses to give a look or two, and say a word or two to my poor
+     child. It was while the second ladies' lot was holding 'em
+     enchained that I felt her lift herself a little on my shoulder to
+     look across the dark street. 'What troubles you darling?' 'Nothing
+     troubles me, father, I am not at all troubled. But don't I see a
+     pretty churchyard over there?' 'Yes, my dear.' 'Kiss me twice, dear
+     father, and lay me down to rest upon that churchyard grass, so soft
+     and green.' I staggered back into the cart with her head dropped on
+     my shoulder, and I says to her mother, 'Quick, shut the door! Don't
+     let those laughing people see.' 'What's the matter?' she cries, 'O
+     woman, woman,' I tells her, 'you'll never catch my little Sophy by
+     her hair again, for she has flown away from you.'"
+
+Dickens' strongest characters, and those he loved most to paint, are
+such as contain foibles and eccentricities, or much dulness and
+ignorance in conjunction with the best feelings and intentions, so that
+his teaching seems rather to be that we should look beyond mere external
+trifles. Those he attacks are mostly middle-class people, or those
+slightly below them--the dogs in office, and the dogs in the manger. The
+artifice and cunning of the waiter of the Hotel at Yarmouth, where
+little Copperfield awaits the coach, is excellently represented.
+
+     "The waiter brought me some chops and vegetables, and took the
+     covers off in such a bouncing manner, that I was afraid I must have
+     given him some offence. But he greatly relieved my mind by putting
+     a chair for me at the table, and saying very affably 'Now sixfoot
+     come on!'
+
+     "I thanked him and took my seat at the board; but found it
+     extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like
+     dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy, while he
+     was standing opposite, staring so hard, and making me blush in the
+     most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye. After watching me
+     into the second chop, he said:
+
+     "There's half a pint of ale for you, will you have it now?'
+
+     "I thanked him and said 'Yes'--upon which he poured it out of a jug
+     into a large tumbler, and held it up against the light and made it
+     look beautiful.
+
+     "'My eye!' he said 'It seems a good deal, don't it.'
+
+     "'It does seem a good deal,' I answered with a smile, for it was
+     quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant. He was a
+     twinkling-eyed, purple-faced man, with his hair standing upright
+     all over his head; and as he stood with one arm akimbo, holding up
+     the glass to the light, with one hand he looked quite friendly.
+
+     "'There was a gentleman here yesterday,' he said, 'a stout
+     gentleman by the name of Topsawyer, perhaps you know him?'
+
+     "'No,' I said, I don't think--
+
+     "'In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey coat, speckled
+     choker,' said the waiter.
+
+     "'No,' I said bashfully, 'I hav'n't the pleasure--'
+
+     "'He came here,' said the waiter, looking at the light through the
+     tumbler, 'ordered a glass of this ale, _would_ order it, I told him
+     not--drank it, and fell dead. It was too old for him. It oughtn't
+     to be drawn, that's the fact.'
+
+     "I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident, and
+     said I thought I had better have some water. 'Why, you see,' said
+     the waiter, looking at the light through the tumbler with one of
+     his eyes shut, 'our people don't like things being ordered and
+     left. It offends them. But I'll drink it, if you like. I'm used to
+     it, and use is everything. I don't think it will hurt me if I throw
+     my head back and take it off quick; shall I?'
+
+     "I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it, if he
+     thought he could do it safely, but by no means otherwise. When he
+     did throw his head back and take it off quick, I had a horrible
+     fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented
+     Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it did not hurt
+     him. On the contrary. I thought he seemed the fresher for it. 'What
+     have we got here?' he said, putting a fork into my dish. 'Not
+     chops?'
+
+     "'Chops.' I said.
+
+     "'Lord bless my soul,' he exclaimed, 'I didn't know they were
+     chops. Why, a chop's the very thing to take off the bad effect of
+     that beer. Ain't it lucky?'
+
+     "So he took a chop by the bone in one hand and a potato in the
+     other, and ate away with a very good appetite to my extreme
+     satisfaction. He afterwards took another chop and another potato,
+     and after that another chop and another potato. When we had done he
+     brought me a pudding, and having set it before me seemed to
+     ruminate, and to be absent in his mind for some moments.
+
+     "'How's the pie?' he said, rousing himself.
+
+     "'It's a pudding,' I made answer.
+
+     "'Pudding,' he exclaimed, 'why, bless me, so it is. What?' looking
+     nearer at it, 'you don't mean to say it's a batter pudding!'
+
+     "'Yes, it is indeed.'
+
+     "'Why, a batter pudding,' he said, taking up a tablespoon, 'is my
+     favourite pudding! Aint it lucky? Come on, pitch in, and let's see
+     who'll get most.'
+
+     "The waiter certainly got most. He entreated me more than once to
+     come in and win, but what with his tablespoon to my teaspoon, his
+     dispatch to my dispatch, and his appetite to my appetite I was left
+     far behind at the first mouthful, and had no chance with him."
+
+We are all sufficiently familiar with the vast amount and variety of
+humour with which Dickens enriched his writings. It is not aphoristic,
+but flows along in a light sparkling stream. This is what we should
+expect from a man who wrote so much and so rapidly. His thoughts did not
+concentrate and crystallize into a few sharply cut expressions, and he
+has left us scarcely any sayings which will live as "household words."
+Moreover, in his bold style of writing he sought to produce effects by
+broad strokes and dashes--not afraid of an excess of caricature, from
+which he left his readers to deduct the discount. Taine says he was "too
+mad." But he was daring, and cared little for the risk of being
+ludicrous, providing he escaped the certainty of being dull. He was not
+afraid of improbabilities, any more than his contemporary Lever was, and
+owing to this they both now seem somewhat old-fashioned. Lever here
+exceeded Dickens, and his course was different; his plan was to sow a
+few seeds of extravagant falsehood, whence he would raise a wonderful
+efflorescence of ludicrous circumstances. For instance, he makes a
+General Count de Vanderdelft pay a visit to the Dodd family, and bring
+them an invitation from the King of Belgium. Great preparations are of
+course made by the ladies for so grand an occasion. The day arrives, and
+they have to travel in their full dress in second and third class
+carriages. They arrive a little late, but make their way to the Royal
+Pavilion. Here, while in great suspense, they meet the General, who says
+he was afraid he should have missed them.
+
+     "'We've not a minute to lose,' cried he, drawing Mary Ann's arm
+     within his own. 'If Leopold sits down to table, I can't present
+     you.'
+
+     "The General made his way through the crowd until he reached a
+     barrier, where two men were standing taking tickets. He demanded
+     admission, and on being refused, exclaimed, 'These scullions don't
+     know me--this canaille never heard my name.' With these words the
+     General kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary
+     Ann, flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, 'Take
+     them in flank--sabre them--every man--no prisoners--no quarter.' At
+     this juncture two big men in grey coats burst through the crowd and
+     laid hands on the General, who, it seems, had escaped a week before
+     from a mad-house in Ghent."
+
+The basis of all this is far too improbable, but there was a temptation
+to construct a very good story upon it.
+
+But Dickens builds upon much firmer ground, and is only fantastic in the
+superstructure. This is certainly an improvement, and we admire his
+genius most when he controls its flight, and when his caricatures are
+less grotesque. I take the following from "Nicholas Niekleby," Chapter
+II.
+
+     "Although a few members of the graver professions live about Golden
+     Square, it is not exactly in anybody's way to or from anywhere....
+     It is a great resort of foreigners. The dark complexioned men, who
+     wear large rings, and heavy watchguards, and bushy whiskers, and
+     who congregate under the opera colonnade, and about the box-office
+     in the season, between four and five in the afternoon, when they
+     give orders--all live in Golden Square, or within a street of it.
+     Two or three violins and a wind instrument from the opera band
+     reside within its precincts. Its boarding-houses are musical, and
+     the notes of pianos and harps float in the evening-time round the
+     head of the mournful statue, the guardian genius of a little
+     wilderness of shrubs, in the centre of the Square.... Street bands
+     are on their mettle in Golden Square; and itinerant glee-singers
+     quaver involuntarily as they raise their voices within its
+     boundaries....
+
+     "Some London houses have a melancholy little plot of ground behind
+     them, usually fenced in by four white-washed walls, and frowned
+     upon by stacks of chimneys, in which there withers on from year to
+     year a crippled tree, that makes a show of putting forth a few
+     leaves late in Autumn, when other trees shed theirs, and drooping
+     in the effort, lingers on all crackled and smoke-dried till the
+     following season, when it repeats the same process; and perhaps, if
+     the weather be particularly genial, even tempts some rheumatic
+     sparrow to chirp in its branches."
+
+In the next chapter there is a description of the house of a humble
+votary of the arts.
+
+     "A miniature painter lived there, for there was a large gilt frame
+     screwed upon the street-door, in which were displayed, upon a black
+     velvet ground, two portraits of naval dress, coats with faces
+     looking out of them, and telescopes attached; one of a young
+     gentleman in a very vermilion uniform flourishing a sabre; and one
+     of a literary character with a high forehead, a pen and ink, six
+     books, and a curtain. There was, moreover, a touching
+     representation of a young lady reading a manuscript in an
+     unfathomable forest, and a charming whole length of a large-headed
+     little boy, sitting on a stool with his legs foreshortened to the
+     size of salt-spoons. Besides these works of art, there were a great
+     many heads of old ladies and gentlemen smirking at each other out
+     of blue and brown skies, and an elegantly written card of terms
+     with an embossed border."
+
+When Mr. Crummles, the stage-manager, urges his old pony along the road,
+the following conversation takes place:--
+
+     "'He's a good pony at bottom,' said Mr. Crummles, turning to
+     Nicholas. He might have been at bottom, but he certainly was not at
+     top, seeing that his coat was of the roughest, and most
+     ill-favoured kind. So Nicholas merely observed that he shouldn't
+     wonder if he was. 'Many and many is the circuit this pony has
+     gone,' said Mr. Crummles, flicking him skilfully on the eyelid, for
+     old acquaintance sake. 'He is quite one of us. His mother was on
+     the stage.'
+
+     "'Was she?' rejoined Nicholas.
+
+     "'She ate apple-pie at circus for upwards of fourteen years,' said
+     the Manager, 'fired pistols, and went to bed in a night-cap; and in
+     short, took the low comedy entirely. His father was an actor.'
+
+     "'Was he at all distinguished?'
+
+     "'Not very,' said the Manager. 'He was rather a low sort of pony.
+     The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out by the day, and he
+     never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama,
+     too, but too broad, too broad. When the mother died he took the
+     port wine business.'
+
+     "'The port wine business?' cried Nicholas.
+
+     "'Drinking port wine with the clown,' said the Manager; 'but he was
+     greedy and one night bit off the bowl of the glass and choked
+     himself, so his vulgarity was the death of him at last.'"
+
+It is greatly to the credit of Dickens that although he wrote so much
+and salted so freely, he never approached any kind of impropriety. The
+only weak point in his humour is that he borrows too much from his
+imagination, and too little from reality.
+
+I trust that those who have accompanied me through the chapters of this
+work, will have been able to trace a gradual amelioration in humour. We
+have seen it from age to age running parallel with the history, and
+varying with the mental development of the times, rising and falling in
+fables, demonology, word-coining and coarseness, and I hope we may add
+in practical joking and coxcombry.
+
+The remaining chapters will draw conclusions from our general survey.
+There can be little doubt that humour cannot be studied in any country
+better than in our own. The commercial character of England, and its
+connection with many nations whose feelings are intermingled in our
+minds as their blood is in our veins, are favourable for the development
+of fancy and of the finest kinds of wit, while the moderate Government
+under which we live, tends in the same direction. Humour may have
+germinated in the darkness of despotism, among the discontented subjects
+of Dionysius or under "the tyranny tempered by epigrams," of Louis XIV.,
+but it failed, under such conditions to obtain a full expression, and
+although it has revelled and run riot under republican governments, it
+has always tended in them to coarse and personal vituperation. The
+fairest blossoms of pleasantry thrive best where the sun is not strong
+enough to scorch, nor the soil rank enough to corrupt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+Variation--Constancy--Influence of Temperament--Of
+  Observation--Bulls--Want of Knowledge--Effects of Emotion--Unity of
+  the Sense of the Ludicrous.
+
+
+As every face in the world is different, so no two minds are exactly
+similar, although there is great uniformity in the perceptions of the
+senses and still more in our primary innate ideas. The variety lies in
+the one case, in the finer lines and expressions of the countenance, and
+in the other in those delicate shades and combinations of feeling which
+are influenced more or less by memory, reflection, imagination, by
+experience, education and temperament, by taste, morality, and religion.
+
+It was no doubt the view of this great diversity of thought that led
+Quintilian to say that "the topics from which jests may be elicited are
+not less numerous than those from which thoughts may be derived!"
+Herbert writes to the same purpose--
+
+  "All things are full of jest; nothing that's plain
+  But may be witty, if thou hast the vein."
+
+But we are not in the vein except sometimes, and under peculiar
+circumstances, so that, practically, few sayings are humorous.
+
+It is more difficult to assert that there are any jests which would be
+appreciated by all. The statement that "some phases of life must stir
+humour in any man of sanity," is probably too wide. There is little of
+this universality in the ludicrous, but we shall have some reason for
+thinking that there is a certain constancy in the mental feeling which
+awakens it. It is also fixed with regard to each individual. If we had
+sufficient knowledge, we could predict exactly whether a man would be
+amused at a certain story, and we sometimes say "Tell that to Mr. ----
+it will amuse him." But if his nature were not so disposed, no exertions
+on his part or ours could make him enjoy it. The ludicrous is dependent
+upon feelings or circumstances, but not upon the will. It is peculiarly
+involuntary as those know who have tried to smother a laugh. The utmost
+advance we can make towards making ourselves mirthful is by changing our
+circumstances. It is said that if a man were to look at people dancing
+with his ears stopped, the figures moving without accompaniment would
+seem ludicrous to him, but his merriment would not be great because he
+would know the strangeness he observed was not real but caused by his
+own intentional act. We may say that for a thing to appear ludicrous to
+a man which does not seem so at present, he must change the character of
+his mind.
+
+There is another kind of constancy which should here be noticed. Some
+humorous sayings survive for long periods, and occasionally are adopted
+in foreign countries. In some cases they have immortalized a name, in
+others we know not who originated them, or to whom they first referred.
+They seem to be the production, as they are the heritage, not of man but
+of humanity. It is essential to the permanence of humour that it should
+refer to large classes, and awaken emotions common to many. If Socrates
+and Xantippe, the philosopher and the shrew, had not represented
+classes, and an ordinary connection in life, we should have been little
+amused at their differences.[16]
+
+Having mentioned these few first aspects in which humour is constant, we
+now come to the wider field of its variation. It may be said to vary
+with the age, with the century, with classes of society, with the time
+of life, nay, it has been asserted, with the very hours of the day! The
+simplest mode in which we can demonstrate this character of humour is to
+consider some of those things which although amusing to others are not
+so to us, and those which amuse us, but not others; we sometimes regard
+as ludicrous what is intended to be humorous, sometimes on the other
+hand we view as humorous what is seriously meant, and sometimes we take
+gravely what is intended to be amusing.
+
+A man may make what he thinks to be a jest, and be neither humorous nor
+ludicrous, and a man may cause others to laugh without being one or the
+other; for what he says may be amusing, although he does not intend it
+to be so, or he may be merely relating some actual occurrence.
+Occasionally, there is some doubt as to whether we regard things as
+ludicrous or humorous. This is seen in some proverbs.
+
+But the most common and strongly marked instances of variation are where
+what is seriously taken by one person is regarded as ludicrous by
+another. Thus the conception of the qualities desirable in public
+speaking are very different on this side to the Atlantic from what they
+are on the other, and what appears to us to partake of the ludicrous,
+seems to them to be only grand, effective, and appropriate. "In
+patriotic eloquence," says a U.S. journal, "our American stump-speakers
+beat the world. They don't stand up and prose away so as to put an
+audience to sleep, after the lazy genteel aristocratic style of British
+Parliamentary speech-making." This boast is certainly just. There is a
+vigour about the popular style of American oratory that we are sure has
+never been equalled in the British Parliament. A paper of the interior
+in paying a glowing tribute to the eloquence of the Fourth of July
+orator who officiated in the town where the journal is published,
+says--"Although he had a platform ten feet square to orate upon, he got
+so fired up with patriotism that it wasn't half big enough to hold him:
+his fist collided three times with the President of the day, besides
+bunging the eye of the reader of the Declaration, and every person on
+the stage left it limping." Such a style of oratory would leave durable
+impressions, and be felt as well as heard.
+
+It cannot be doubted that our mental state, whether temporary or
+habitual, exercises a great influence over us in regard to humour.
+Temperament must modify all our emotional feelings, some are naturally
+gay and hilarious, some grave and austere, children laugh from little
+more than exuberance of spirits, and joyousness causes us to seek
+pleasure, to notice ludicrous combinations which would otherwise escape
+us, and renders us sensitive of all humorous impressions. But the cares
+of life have generally the effect of making men grave even where there
+is no lack of imagination. Some have been so serious in mood that it has
+been recorded that they were never known to laugh, as it is said of
+Philip the Third of Spain that he only did so once--on reading Don
+Quixote.
+
+How little attempt at humour is there in most of our literary works!
+True, humour is rather the language of conversation, and we may expect
+it as little in writing, as we do sentiment in society. But even in its
+own special province it is lacking, there is generally in our festive
+gatherings more of what is dull than of what is playful and pleasant.
+Perhaps our cloudy skies may have some influence--it is impossible to
+doubt that climate affects the mental disposition of nations. The
+natives of Tahiti in their soft southern isle are gay and
+laughter-loving; the Arab of the desert is fierce and warlike, and
+seldom condescends to smile. Sydney Smith said "it would require a
+surgical operation to get a joke into the understanding of a Scotchman;"
+but the Irishman in his mild variable climate is ready to be witty under
+all circumstances. Flögel, writing in Germany, observes that "humour is
+not a fruit to be gathered from every bough; you can find a hundred men
+able to draw tears for every one that can raise a laugh."
+
+There is also a great difference between individuals in this respect.
+Some are naturally bright and jocund, and others are misanthropic and
+manufacture out of very trite materials a sort of snap-dragon wit, which
+flares up in an instant, is as soon out, and generally burns somebody's
+fingers. It may be urged on the contrary that many celebrated wits as
+Mathews, Leech, and others, have been melancholy men. But despondency is
+often found in an excitable temperament which is not unfavourable to
+humour, for the man who is unduly depressed at one moment is likely to
+be immoderately elated at another. Old Hobbes was of opinion that
+laughter arose from pride, upon which Addison remarked that according to
+that theory, if we heard a man laugh, instead of saying that he was very
+merry, we should say that he was very proud. We have already observed
+that some men are disinclined to laugh because they are of an earnest
+turn of mind, constantly pondering upon their affairs and the
+possibility of transforming a shilling into a pound. Such are those to
+whom Carlyle referred when he said that "the man who cannot laugh is
+only fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils." But there are a few
+persons who follow Lord Chesterfield in systematically suppressing this
+kind of demonstration. They think it derogatory, and in them pride is
+antagonistic to humour. A man who is free and easy and talkative, gains
+in one direction what he loses in another. We love him as a frank,
+genial fellow, but can never regard him with any great reverence.
+Laughter seems to bespeak a simple docile nature, such as those who
+assume to rule the world are not willing to have the credit of
+possessing. It belongs more to the fool than to the rogue, to those who
+follow than to those who lead. Eminent men do not intentionally avoid
+laughter; they are not inclined to it; and there are some, who, from
+being generally of a profound and calculating turn of mind are not given
+to any exhibition of emotion. It has been said that Diogenes never
+laughed, and the same has been asserted of Swift. And although we may
+safely conclude that these statements were not literally true, there was
+probably some foundation for them. No doubt they appreciated humour, but
+their minds were earnest and ambitious. Moreover, great wits are
+accustomed to the character of their own humour, and are often merely
+repeating what they have heard or said frequently.
+
+Nature has endowed few men with two gifts, and emotional joyousness and
+high intellectual culture form a rare combination, such as was found in
+Goldsmith with his hearty laughter, and in Macaulay, who tells us that
+he laughed at Mathews' comic performance "until his sides were sore."
+Bishop Warburton said that humorists were generally men of learning, but
+although those who were so would have been most prominent, we scarcely
+find the name of one of them in the course of these volumes; many of
+those mentioned sprang from the humbler paths of life, but all were men
+of study. Still those who are altogether unable to enjoy a joke are men
+of imperfect sympathies.
+
+Charles Lamb observes that in a certain way the character, even of a
+ludicrous man, is attractive--"The more laughable blunders a man shall
+commit in your company, the more tests he gives you that he will not
+betray or over-reach you. And take my word for this, reader, and say a
+fool told it you, if you please, that he who hath not a dram of folly in
+his mixture, hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition. What
+are commonly the world's received fools, but such whereof the world is
+not worthy?"
+
+We have intimated that our sense of the ludicrous varies in accordance
+with memory, imagination, observation, and association. The minds of
+some are so versatile, and so richly endowed with intellectual gifts,
+that their ideas sparkle and coruscate, they splinter every ray of light
+into a thousand colours, and produce all kinds of strange juxtapositions
+and combinations. (This exuberance has probably led to the seemingly
+contradictory saying that men of sentiment are generally men of humour.)
+No doubt their sallies would be poor and appreciated by themselves alone
+were they without a certain foundation, but a vast number of things are
+capable of affording amusement. Pleasantries often turn upon something
+much more difficult to define than to feel--upon some nicety of regard,
+or neatness of proportion. No interchange of ideas can take place
+without much beyond the letter being understood, and very much depends
+upon variety of delicate significations. Words are as variable and
+relative as thought, differing with time and place--a few constantly
+dropping out of use, some understood in one age, but conveying no
+distinct idea in another, and not calling up exactly the same
+associations in different individuals. We cannot, therefore, agree with
+Addison that translation may be considered a sure test for
+distinguishing between genuine and spurious humour--although it would
+detect mere puns. Voltaire says of Hudibras, "I have never met with so
+much wit in one book as in this--who would believe that a work which
+paints in such lively and natural colours the several foibles and
+frolics of mankind, and where we meet with more sentiment than words,
+should baffle the endeavours of the ablest translator?" But any
+alteration of words would generally destroy humour. "To go to the
+crows," was a good and witty expression in ancient Greece, but it does
+not signify anything to us, except, perhaps, climbing trees. When we
+wish a man to be devoured, we tell him to "go to the dogs." Even the
+flow and sound of words sometimes has great influence in humour.
+
+Association has also considerable effect. Owing to this little boys at
+school are rarely able to laugh at a Greek joke. We consider that to
+call a man an ass is a reproach, but in the East in bewailing a lost
+friend they frequently exclaim, "Alas, my jackass!" for they do not
+associate the animal with stupidity, but with patience and usefulness.
+These differences show that the essence of some humour is so fugitive
+that the smallest change will destroy it. We may well suppose,
+therefore, that it escapes many who have not quick perceptions, while
+we find that everyone more keenly appreciates that which relates to some
+subject with which he is specially conversant--a lawyer enjoys a legal,
+a broker a commercial joke. Hence women, taking more interest than men
+in the general concerns of life and in a great variety of things, are
+more given to mirth--their mind reflects the world, that of men only one
+line in it. We see in society how much more quickly some persons
+understand an obscure allusion than others--some from natural
+penetration, some from familiarity with the subject. There are those who
+cannot enjoy any joke which they do not make themselves. Some cannot
+guess the simplest riddle, while others could soon detect the real
+nature of a cherry coloured cat with rose-coloured feet.
+
+Observation is necessary for all criticism, especially of that kind
+often found in humour. As an instance of humour being unappreciated for
+lack of it, I may mention that Beattie considers the well known passage
+of Gray to be parodied poetically, but not humorously, in the following
+lines upon a country curate--
+
+  "Bread was his only food; his drink the brook;
+  So small a salary did his rector send,
+  He left his laundress all he had--a book,
+  He found in death, 'twas all he wished--a friend."
+
+Most people would think that this was intended to be humorous. It
+struck me so--the "book" was evidently his washing book--and on turning
+to the original poem I found that the other stanzas were not at all of a
+serious complexion. The assistance given by imagination to humour is
+clearly seen, when after some good saying laughter recurs several times,
+as new aspects of the situation suggested present themselves.
+
+Circumstances of time and country greatly modify our modes of thought,
+and a vast amount of humour has thus become obscure, not only for want
+of information, but because things are not viewed in the same light.
+Beattie observes that Shakespeare's humour will never be adequately
+relished in France nor Molière's in England.[17]
+
+The inquiry in the present chapter is not as to what creates the
+ludicrous, but as to what tends to vivify or obscure it. We shall not
+here attempt any surmises as to its essential nature, although we trace
+the conditions necessary to its due appreciation. A great number of
+things pass unnoticed every day both in circumstances and conversation,
+in which the ludicrous might be detected by a keen observer. The
+following is not a bad instance of an absurd statement being
+unconsciously made--
+
+     "One day when walking in the Black Country the Bishop of Lichfield
+     saw a number of miners seated on the ground, and went to speak to
+     them. On asking them what they were doing, he was told they had
+     been 'loyin.' The Bishop, much dismayed, asked for an explanation.
+     'Why, you see,' said one of the men, 'one of us fun' a kettle, and
+     we have been trying who can tell the biggest lie to ha' it.' His
+     lordship, being greatly shocked, began to lecture them and to tell
+     them that lying was a great offence, and that he had always felt
+     this so strongly that he had never told a lie in the whole course
+     of his life. He had scarcely finished, when one of the hearers
+     exclaimed, 'Gie the governor the kettle; gie the governor the
+     kettle!'"
+
+Under the head of unconscious absurdities may be classed what are
+commonly called "bulls," implying like the French "_bêtise_" so great a
+deficiency of observation as to approach a kind of brutish stupidity
+only worthy of the lower animals. A man could not be charged with such
+obtuseness if he were only ignorant of some philosophical truth, or even
+of a fact commonly known, or if his mistake were clearly from
+inadvertence. I have heard the question asked "Which is it more correct
+to say. Seven and five _is_ eleven, or seven and five _are_ eleven?" and
+if a man reply hastily "_Are_ is the more correct," he could not be
+charged with having made a "bull," any more than if a boy had made a
+mistake in a sum of addition or subtraction. If a foreigner says "I have
+got to-morrow's Times," we do not consider it a bull because he is
+ignorant that he should have said "yesterday's," and a person who does
+not understand Latin may be excused for saying "Under existing
+circumstances," perhaps long usage justifies the expression. For this
+reason, and also because no dulness is implied, we may safely say "the
+sun sets," or "the sun has gone in." To constitute a bull, there must be
+something glaringly self-contradictory in the statement. But every
+observation containing a contradiction does not show dulness of
+apprehension, but often talent and ingenuity. Poetry and humour are much
+indebted to such expressions--thus the old Greek writers often call
+offerings made to the dead "a kindness which is no kindness," and Horace
+speaks of "discordant harmony" and "active idleness." Some other
+contradictions are humorous, and most bulls would be so were they made
+purposely.[18] A genuine bull is never intentional. But few people would
+plead guilty to having shown bovine stupidity. They would shelter
+themselves under some of the various exceptions--perhaps explain that
+they attach a different meaning to the words, and that so the
+expressions are not so very incorrect, and all that could generally be
+proved against a man would be that he had used words in unaccustomed
+senses. Thus what appears to one person to be a "bull" seems a correct
+expression to another. I remember an Irishman telling me that in his
+country they had the finest climate in the world, and on my replying
+"Yes, I believe you have very little frost or snow," he rejoined "Oh,
+plinty, sir, plinty of frost and snow--but frost and snow is not cold in
+Ireland." He was quite serious--intended no joke. He evidently used the
+term "cold," not only in reference to temperature, but also to the
+amount of discomfort usually suffered from it. And that it may sometimes
+be used in a metaphorical sense is evident from our expressions "a cold
+heart," "a freezing manner."
+
+Sometimes people would attribute their mistake to inadvertence, and so
+escape from the charge of stupidity implied in a "bull." A friend who
+told me that a Mr. Carter was "a seller of everything, and other things
+besides," would probably have urged this excuse. The writer of the
+following in the "agony" column of a daily paper, "Dear Tom. Come
+immediately if you see this. If not come on Saturday," would contend
+that there was only a slight omission, and that the meaning was
+evidently "if you see this _to-day_." From inadvertence I have heard it
+said in commendation of a celebrated artist, that "he painted dead
+game--to the life." Sir Boyle Roche is said to have exclaimed in a fit
+of enthusiasm "that Admiral Howe would sweep the French fleet off the
+face of the earth."
+
+But it may be urged that there are some observations which no man can
+excuse or account for, and of such a nature that even the person who
+makes them must admit that they are "bulls." Such, for instance, as that
+of the Irishman, who being shown an alarum said, "Oh, sure, I see. I've
+only to pull the string when I want to awake myself." But such sayings
+are not "bulls," only humorous inventions. They represent a greater
+amount of density than any one ever possessed. That the above saying is
+invented, is proved by the simple fact that alarums have no strings to
+pull. In the same way the lines quoted by Lever--
+
+  "Success to the moon, she's a dear noble creature
+  And gives us the daylight all night in the dark,"
+
+did not emanate from a dull, but a clever man.
+
+A "bull" is an imputation of stupidity made by the hearer through the
+inadvertence of the speaker in whose mind there is no contradiction, but
+a want of precision in thought or expression. It is a common error where
+the imagination is stronger than the critical faculty.
+
+The use of cant words renders jests imperfectly intelligible. Greek
+humour was clearer in this respect than that of the present day,
+especially since our vocabulary has been so much enriched from America.
+Puns also restrict the pleasantries dependent on them to one country, no
+great loss perhaps, though the greater part of German humour is thus
+rendered obscure. "Remember," writes Lord Chesterfield, "that the wit,
+humour, and jokes of most companies are local. They thrive in that
+particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting. Every company is
+differently circumstanced, has its peculiar cant and jargon, which may
+give occasion to wit and mirth within the circle, but would seem flat
+and insipid in any other, and therefore will not bear repeating. Nothing
+makes a man look sillier than a pleasantry not relished, or not
+understood, and if he meets with a profound silence when he expected a
+general applause, or what is worse if he is desired to explain the _bon
+mot_, his awkward and embarrassed situation is easier imagined than
+described." But ignorance of the meaning of words, while it destroys one
+kind of amusement sometimes creates another. The mistakes of the deaf
+and of foreigners are often ludicrous. A French gentleman told me that
+on the morning after his arrival in Italy he rang his bell and called
+"_De l'eau chaude_." As he did not seem to be understood he made signs
+to his face, and the waiter nodded and withdrew. It was a long time
+before he reappeared, but when he entered the delay was accounted for,
+as he had been out to purchase a pot of _rouge_!
+
+But mistakes with regard to the meanings of words are not so common as
+with regard to their references. We are often ignorant of the state of
+society, or the manners and customs to which allusion is made. This is
+the reason why so much of the humour of bygone ages escapes us. In
+ancient Greece to call a man a frequenter of baths was an insult, not a
+commendation as it would be at present. With them the class who are "so
+very clean and so very silly" was large, and the golden youth of the
+period, under the pretence of ablution, spent their time in idleness and
+luxury in these "baths"--which corresponded in some respects to our
+clubs. To give an example in modern literature--when Charles Lamb in his
+Life of Liston records that his hero was descended from a Johan
+d'Elistone, who came over with the Conqueror, and was rewarded for his
+prowess with a grant of land at Lupton Magna, many people had so little
+knowledge or insight as to take this humorous invention to be an
+historical fact.
+
+Laughter for want of knowledge is especially manifested among savages,
+when they first come into contact with civilization. A missionary
+relating his experiences among the South Sea islanders observes how much
+he was astonished at their laughing at what seemed to him the most
+ordinary occurrences. This was owing to their utter ignorance of matters
+commonly known to us. He tells us one day when the sailors were boring a
+hole to put a vent peg into a cask, the fermentation caused the porter
+to spirt out upon them. One of them tried in vain to stop it with his
+hand, but it flew through his fingers. Meanwhile a native who stood by
+burst into a fit of immoderate laughter. The sailor, thinking it a
+serious matter to lose so much good liquor, asked him rather angrily why
+he was laughing at the porter running out. "Oh," replied the native,
+"I'm not laughing at its coming out, but at thinking what trouble it
+must have cost you to put it in."
+
+But ignorance has often produced opposite results to these, and caused
+very ludicrous statements to be made seriously. Thus a French Gazette
+reports that "Lord Selkirk arrived in Paris this morning. He is a
+descendant of the famous Selkirk whose adventures suggested to Defoe his
+Robinson Crusoe." Among the various curious and useful items of
+knowledge contained in the "Almanach de Gotha,"--the first number of
+which was published 111 years ago--we find it gravely stated that the
+Manghians of the island of Mindoro are furnished with tails exactly five
+inches in length, and the women of Formosa with beards half a foot long.
+I remember having, upon one occasion, visited the Mammertine prison at
+Rome with a young friend preparing for the army, and his asking me "What
+had St. Peter and St. Paul done to be confined here?" "They were here
+for being Christians," I replied, "Oh, were St. Peter and St. Paul
+Christians? I suppose they were put in prison by these horrid Roman
+Catholics."
+
+We may say generally that any fresh acquisition of knowledge destroys
+one source of amusement and opens another. But if our mental powers were
+to become perfect, which they never will, we should cease to laugh at
+all. Wisdom or knowledge--the study of our own thoughts or of those of
+others--has a tendency to alter our general views, and affects our
+appreciation of humour, even where it affords no special information on
+the subject before us. Upon given premises the conclusions of the highly
+cultivated are different from those of others; and intellectual humour
+is that which generally they enjoy most--finding more pleasure in
+thought than in emotion. No doubt they sometimes appreciate what is
+lighter, especially when a reaction taking place after severe study,
+they feel like children let out to play. But ordinarily they certainly
+appreciate most that rare and subtle humour which inferior minds cannot
+understand. Herbert Spencer is probably correct that "we enjoy that
+humour most at which we laugh least." But we must not conclude from this
+rule that we can at will by repressing our laughter increase our
+pleasure. The statement refers to the cases of different persons or of
+the same person under different circumstances. Rude and uneducated
+people would little feel the humour at which they could not laugh, and
+some grave people entirely miss much that is amusing. "The nervous
+energy," he says, "which would have caused muscular action, is
+discharged in thought," but this presupposes a very sensitive mental
+organization into which the discharge can be made. Where this does not
+exist, laughter accompanies the appreciation of humour, and in silence
+there would be little pleasure. The cause of mirth also differs as the
+persons affected, and the farce which creates a roar in the pit will
+often not raise a smile in the boxes. Swift writes--"Bombast and
+buffoonery, by nature lofty and light, soar highest of all in the
+theatre, and would be lost in the roof, if the prudent architect had
+not contrived for them a fourth place called the twelvepenny gallery and
+there planted a suitable colony." That emotionable ebullition affords a
+lower class less enjoyment than intellectual action gives a higher order
+of mind, must be somewhat uncertain. A thoughtful nature is probably
+happier than an emotional, but it is difficult to compare the pleasure
+derived from intellectual, moral, and sensuous feelings.
+
+It is a common saying that "there is no disputing taste," and in this
+respect we allow every man a certain range. But when he transgresses
+this limit he often becomes ludicrous, especially to those whose tastes
+rather tend in the opposite direction. The strange figure and
+accoutrements of Don Quixote raised great laughter among the gay ladies
+at the inn, and induced the puissant knight-errant to administer to them
+the rebuke "Excessive laughter without cause denotes folly."
+
+A friend of mine, desirous of giving an intellectual treat to the
+rustics in the neighbourhood, announced that a reading of Shakespeare
+would be given in the village schoolroom by a celebrated elocutionist.
+The villagers, attracted by the name, came in large numbers, and laughed
+vociferously at all the pathetic parts, but looked grave at the humour.
+This was, no doubt, partly owing to their habits of life, as well as to
+a want of taste and information. Taste for music, and familiarity with
+the traditional style of the Opera, enable us to enjoy dialogues in
+recitative, but were a man in ordinary conversation to deliver himself
+in musical cadences, or even in rhyme, we should consider him supremely
+ridiculous.
+
+Translations have often exhibited very strange vagaries of taste. Thus,
+Castalio's rendering of "The Song of Solomon" is ludicrous from the use
+of diminutives.
+
+     "Mea columbula, ostende mihi tuum vulticulum.
+     Cerviculam habes Davidicæ turris similem--Cervicula quasi eburnea
+         turricula, &c."
+
+Beattie is severe upon Dryden's obtuseness in his translation of the
+"Iliad." "Homer," he says, "has been blamed for degrading his gods into
+mortals, but Dryden has made them blackguards.... If we were to judge of
+the poet by the translator, we should imagine the Iliad to have been
+partly designed for a satire upon the clergy."
+
+Addison observes that the Ancients were not particular about the bearing
+of their similes. "Homer likens one of his heroes, tossing to and fro in
+his bed and burning with resentment, to a piece of flesh broiled on the
+coals." "The present Emperor of Persia," he continues, "conformable to
+the Eastern way of thinking, amidst a great many pompous titles,
+denominates himself the 'Son of Glory,' and 'Nutmeg of Delight.'"
+Eastern nations indulge in this kind of hyperbole, which seems to us
+rather to overstep the sublime, but we cannot be astonished when we read
+in the Zgand-Savai (Golden Tulip) of China, that "no one can be a great
+poet, unless he have the majestic carriage of the elephant, the bright
+eyes of the partridge, the agility of the antelope, and a face rivalling
+the radiance of the full moon."
+
+Reflection is generally antagonistic to humour, just as abstraction of
+mind will prevent our feeling our hands being tickled. Often what was
+intended to amuse, merely produces thought on some social or physical
+question. But the variability of our appreciation of humour, is most
+commonly recognised in the differences of moral feeling. We have often
+heard people say that it is wrong for people to jest on this or that
+subject, or that they will not laugh at such ribaldry. The excitement
+necessary for the enjoyment of humour is then neutralized by deeper
+feelings, and they are perhaps more inclined to sigh than to laugh, or
+the nervous action being entirely dormant, they remain unaffected. But
+not only do people's feelings on various subjects differ in kind and in
+amount, but also in result. The same idea produces different emotions
+in different men, and the same emotion different effects. One man will
+regard an event as insignificant, and will not laugh at it; another will
+consider it important, but still will be unable to keep his countenance,
+where most men would be grave. The experience of daily life teaches us
+that different men act very differently under the same kind of emotion.
+The Ancients laughed at calamities, which would call forth our
+commiseration, their consideration for others not being so great, nor
+their appreciation of suffering so acute. But in the cases of some few
+individuals, and of barbarous nations, we sometimes find at the present
+day instances of the ludicrous seasoned with considerable hostility.
+Flögel tells us that he knew a man in Germany who took especial delight
+in witnessing tortures and executions, and related the circumstances
+attending them with the greatest enjoyment and laughter. In "Two Years
+in Fiji," we read, "Among the appliances which I had brought with me to
+Fiji, from Sydney, were a stethoscope and a scarifier. Nothing was
+considered more witty by those in the secret than to place this
+apparently harmless instrument on the back of some unsuspecting native,
+and touch the spring. In an instant twelve lancets would plunge into
+the swarthy flesh. Then would follow a long-drawn cry, scarcely audible
+amidst peals of laughter from the bystanders."
+
+It has been said that our non-appreciation of hostile humour is much
+owing to the suppression of feeling in conventional society, but I think
+that there is also an influence in civilization, which subdues and
+directs our emotions. A certain difference in this respect can be traced
+in the higher and lower classes of the population. This, and the
+difference in reasoning power, have led to the observation that "the
+last thing in which a cultivated man can have community with the vulgar
+is in jocularity."
+
+Jesting on religious subjects, has generally arisen from scepticism,
+deficiency in taste, or disbelief in the injurious consequences of the
+practice. Some consider that levity is likely to bring any subject it
+touches into contempt, or is only fitly used in connection with light
+subjects; while others regard it as merely a source of harmless
+pleasure, and can even laugh at a joke against themselves. In like
+manner some consider it inconsistent with the profession of religion to
+attend balls, races, or theatres, or even to wear gay-coloured clothes.
+Congreve has been blamed even for calling a coachman a "Jehu." On the
+other hand, at the beginning of this century, "a man of quality" could
+scarcely get through a sentence without some profane expletive. Sir
+Walter Scott makes a highwayman lament that, although he could "swear as
+round an oath as any man," he could never do it "like a gentleman." Lord
+Melbourne was so accustomed to garnish his conversation in this way that
+Sydney Smith once said to him, "We will take it for granted that
+everybody is damned, and now proceed with the subject." In former times,
+and even sometimes in our own day, the most eminent Christians have
+occasionally indulged in jest. At the time of the Reformation, a martyr
+comforted a fellow-sufferer, Philpot, by telling him he was a "pot
+filled with the most precious liquor;" and Latimer called bad passions
+"Turks," and bade his hearers play at "Christian Cards." "Now turn up
+your trump--hearts are trumps." Robert Hall, a most pious Christian, was
+constantly transgressing in this direction, and I have heard Mr. Moody
+raise a roar of laughter while preaching.
+
+Now it is quite impossible to say that in any of the above cases there
+was a want of faith, although we are equally unable to agree with those
+who maintain that profane jests are most common when it is the
+strongest. What they show is a want of control of feeling, or a
+deficiency in taste, so that people do not regard such things as either
+injurious or important. A sceptic at the present day is generally less
+profane than a religious man was in the last century. Such is the result
+of civilization, although unbelief in itself inclines to profanity, and
+faith to reverence.
+
+It is self-evident that peculiar feelings and convictions will prevent
+our regarding things as ludicrous, at which we should otherwise be
+highly amused. Religious veneration, or the want of it, often causes
+that to appear sacred to one person which seems absurd to another. Many
+Jewish stories seem strange to Gentile comprehensions. Elias Levi states
+that he had been told by many old and pious rabbis that at the costly
+entertainment at which the Messiah should be welcomed among the Jews, an
+enormous bird should be killed and roasted, of which the Talmud says
+that it once threw an egg out of its nest which crushed three hundred
+lofty cedars, and when broken, swept away sixty villages.
+
+The following petition was signed by sixteen girls of Charleston, S.C.,
+and presented to Governor Johnson in 1733, and was no doubt thought to
+set forth a serious evil.
+
+     "The humble petition of all the maids whose names are under
+     written. Whereas we, the humble petitioners are at present in a
+     very melancholy disposition of mind, considering how all the
+     bachelors are blindly captivated by widows, the consequence is this
+     our request that your Excellency will for the future order that no
+     widow presume to marry any young man until the maids are provided
+     for, or else to pay each of them a fine. The great disadvantage it
+     is to us maids, is that the widows by their forward carriages do
+     snap up the young men, and have the vanity to think their merit
+     beyond ours which is a just imposition on us who ought to have the
+     preference. This is humbly recommended to your Excellency's
+     consideration, and we hope you will permit no further insults. And
+     we poor maids in duty bound will ever pray," &c.
+
+It is almost impossible to limit the number of influences, which affect
+our appreciation of the ludicrous. "Nothing," writes Goethe, "is more
+significant of a man's character than what he finds laughable." We find
+highly intellectual men very different in this respect. Quintilian
+notices the different kind of humour of Aulus Galba, Junius Bassus,
+Cassius Severus, and Domitius Afer. In modern times Pitt was grave; Fox,
+Melbourne, and Canning were witty. Sir Henry Holland enumerates as the
+wits of his day, Canning, Sydney Smith, Jekyll, Lord Alvanley, Lord
+Dudley, Hookham Frere, Luttrell, Rogers, and Theodore Hook, and he
+adds--
+
+     "Scarcely two of the men just named were witty exactly in the same
+     vein. In Jekyll and Hook the talent of the simple punster
+     predominated, but in great perfection of the art, while Bishop
+     Blomfield and Baron Alderson, whom I have often seen in friendly
+     conflict, enriched this art by the high classical accompaniments
+     they brought to it. The wit of Lord Dudley, Lord Alvanley, and
+     Rogers was poignant, personal sarcasm; in Luttrell it was perpetual
+     fun of lighter and more various kind, and whimsically expressed in
+     his features, as well as in his words.[19] 'Natio comæda est' was
+     the maxim of his mind and denoted the wide field of his humour. The
+     wit of Mr. Canning was of rarer and more refined workmanship, and
+     drew large ornament from classical sources. The 'Anti-Jacobin'
+     shows Mr. Canning's power in his youthful exuberance. When I knew
+     him it had been sobered, perhaps saddened, by the political
+     contrarities and other incidents of more advanced life, but had
+     lost none of its refinement of irony. Less obvious than the common
+     wit of the world, it excited thought and refined it--one of the
+     highest characteristics of this faculty.
+
+     "Lady Morley bore off the palm among the 'witty women' of the day.
+     She was never 'willing to wound.' Her printed pieces, though short
+     and scattered, attest the rare merits of her humour. The 'Petition
+     of the Hens of Great Britain to the House of Commons against the
+     Importation of French eggs,' is an excellent specimen of them."
+
+In corroboration of this view of the different complexion of men's
+humour I may mention that in the course of this work I have often had
+the sayings of various wits intermixed and have always been able easily
+to assign each to its author.
+
+Considering the great diversity in the appreciation of the ludicrous,
+the question arises is it merely a name for many different emotions, or
+has it always some invariable character. To decide this we may ask the
+question, Is one kind of humour better than another? Practically the
+answer is given every day, one saying being pronounced "good" if not
+"capital," and another "very poor," or a "mild" joke; and when we see
+humour varying with education, and with the ages of men and nations, we
+cannot but suppose that there are gradations of excellence in it.
+
+Now, if we allow generally this ascending scale in the ludicrous, we
+admit a basis of comparison, and consequently a link between the various
+circumstances in which it is found. It may be objected that in the
+somewhat similar case of Beauty, there is no connection between the
+different kinds. But the ludicrous stands alone among the emotions, and
+is especially in contrast with that of Beauty in this--that it is
+peculiarly dependent on the judgment, as beauty is on the senses. That
+we understand more about the ludicrous than about beauty is evident from
+its being far easier to make what is beautiful appear ludicrous than
+what is ludicrous appear beautiful.
+
+There is something unique in the perception of the ludicrous. It seems
+to strike and pass away too quickly for an emotion. The lightness of the
+impression produced by laughter is the reason why, although we often
+remember to have felt alarmed or pleased in dreams, we never remember to
+have been amused. The imperfect circulation of the blood in the head
+during sleep causes the reason to be partially dormant, and leads to
+strange fantasies being brought before us. But that our judgment is not
+entirely inactive is evident from the emotions we feel, and among them
+is the ludicrous, for many people laugh in their sleep, and when they
+are awakened think over the strange visions. They then laugh, but never
+remember having done so before. Memory is much affected by sleep, the
+greater number of our dreams are entirely forgotten, and the emotions
+and circumstances of the ludicrous easily pass from our remembrance.
+
+Bacon considered the ludicrous too intellectual to be called a "passio"
+or emotion. It has commonly been regarded as almost an intuitive
+faculty. We speak of "seeing" humour, and of having a "sense" of the
+ludicrous. We think that we have a sense in other matters, where
+reflection is not immediately perceptible, as when in music or painting
+we at once observe that a certain style produces a certain effect, and
+that a certain means conduces to a certain end. This recognition seems
+to be made intuitively, and from long habit and constant observation we
+come to acquire what appears like a sense, by which without going
+through any reasoning process we give opinions upon works of Art. The
+judgment acts from habit so imperceptibly that it is altogether
+overlooked, and we seem almost to have a natural instinct. We are often
+as unconscious of its exercise as of the changes going on in our bodily
+constitution. The compositor sets his types without looking at them; the
+mathematician solves problems "by inspection," and a well-known
+physiologist told me he had seen a man read a book while he kept three
+balls in the air. At times we seem to be more correct when acting
+involuntarily than when from design. We have heard it said that, if you
+think of the spelling of a word, you will make a mistake in it, and many
+can form a good judgment on a subject who utterly fail when they begin
+to specify the grounds on which it is founded. In many such cases we
+seem almost to acquire a sense, and, perhaps, for a similar reason we
+speak of a sense of the ludicrous. We are also, perhaps, influenced by a
+logical error--the ludicrous seems to us a simple feeling, and as every
+sense is so, we conclude that all simple feelings are senses.
+
+The ludicrous is not analogous to our bodily senses, in that it is not
+affected in so constant and uniform a manner. The sky appears blue to
+every man, unless he have some visual defect, but an absurd situation is
+not "taken" by all. In the senses no ratiocination is required, whereas
+the ludicrous does not come to us directly, but through judgment--a
+moment, though brief and unnoticed, always elapses in which we grasp the
+nature of the circumstances before us. If it be asserted that our
+decision is in this case pronounced automatically, without any exercise
+of reason, we must still admit that it comes from practice and
+experience, and not naturally and immediately, like a sense. The
+arguments taken from profit and expediency, which have led to a belief
+in moral sense, would, of course, have no weight in the case of the
+ludicrous.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+Definition--Difficulties of forming one of Humour.
+
+
+Some of the considerations towards the end of the last chapter may have
+led us to conclude that our sense[20] of the ludicrous is not a variety
+of emotions, but only one; and the possibility of our forming a
+definition of it depends, not only upon its unity, but upon our being
+able to trace some common attributes in the circumstances which awaken
+it. But in one of the leading periodicals of the day, I lately read the
+observation--made by a writer whose views should not be lightly
+regarded--that "all the most profound philosophers have pronounced a
+definition of humour to be hopelessly impracticable." I think that such
+an important and fundamental statement as this may be suitably taken
+into consideration in commencing our examination of the question. As a
+matter of history, we shall find that it is erroneous, for several great
+philosophers have given us definitions of the sense of the ludicrous,
+and few have thought it indefinable. But those who took the former
+course might be charged with wandering into the province of literature;
+while the views of those who adopted the latter might be thought
+incorrect with regard to definition, or unwarranted with regard to
+humour. To suppose that a definition of humour would be of any great
+value, would be to think that it would unfold the nature of things,
+instead of merely giving the meaning of a term; nor is it correct to
+conclude that by employing a string of words we can reach the precise
+signification of one, any more than we can hit the mark by striking at
+each side of it. If the number and variety of our words and thoughts
+were increased, we could approximate more nearly; but as we know neither
+the boundaries of our conceptions, nor the natural limits of things,
+definition can never be perfect or final. Various standards have been
+sought for it--the common usage of society being generally adopted--but
+it must always to a certain extent vary, according to the knowledge and
+approval of the definer.
+
+Scientific definitions are not intended to be complete, except for the
+study immediately in view. Who ever saw that ghostly line which is
+length without breadth--and how absurd it is to require of us to draw
+it! And would not a country-bumpkin feel as much insulted, if we told
+him he was a "carnivorous ape," or a "mammiferous two-handed animal," as
+the French soldier did when his officer called him a biped? If we give
+man his old prerogative, a "rational animal," how many would refuse the
+title to pretty women and spendthrift sons, while others would most
+willingly bestow it upon their poodles?
+
+Definition cannot be formed without analysis and comparison, and as few
+people indulge much in either, they accomplish it very roughly, but it
+answers their purpose, and they are contented until they find themselves
+wrong. Hence we commonly consider that nearly everything can be defined.
+We may then call the ludicrous "an element in things which tends to
+create laughter." This may be considered a fair definition, and although
+it is quite untrue, and founded on a superficial view of the ludicrous,
+it may give us the characteristics which men had in view in originally
+giving the name at a time when they had little consideration or
+experience. But if we require more, and ask for a definition which will
+stand the test of philosophical examination, we must reply that such
+only can be given as is dependent upon the satisfaction of the inquirer.
+Progressive minds will find it difficult to circumscribe the meaning of
+words, especially on matters with which they are well acquainted.
+
+Brown, in his "Lectures on the Philosophy of the Human Mind," observes
+that the ludicrous is a compound feeling of gladness and astonishment;
+not a very comprehensive view, for according to it, if a man were
+informed that he had been left a sum of money, he would regard his good
+fortune as highly absurd.
+
+Beattie maintains, on the contrary, that the ludicrous is a simple
+feeling, and therefore indefinable, a statement in which the premise
+seems more correct than the conclusion. The opinion that it is simple
+and primary, although not admitting of proof, has some probability in
+its favour. It arose from a conviction that we had no means of reaching
+it, of taking it to pieces, and was derived from the unsatisfactory
+character of such attempts as that of Brown, or from analogy with some
+other emotions, or with physical substances whose essence we cannot
+ascertain. If we can connect the ludicrous with certain acts of
+judgment, we cannot tell how far the emotion is modified by them, and
+even if we seem to have detected some elements in it, we were not
+conscious of them at the moment of our being amused. If they exist, they
+are then undiscernible.
+
+As when we regard a work of art, we are not sensible of pleasure until
+all the several elements of beauty are blended together, so if the
+ludicrous be a compound, there is some power within us that fuses the
+several emotions into one, and evolves out of them a completely new and
+distinct feeling. The product has a different nature from its component
+parts, just as the union of the blue, yellow and red give the simple
+sensation of whiteness. Regard the elements as separate and the feeling
+vanishes.
+
+It has probably been owing to reflections of the above kind that some
+philosophers have stated that the ludicrous is a simple feeling,
+awakened by certain means, and not a compound or acquired feeling formed
+of certain elements. But although it is more comfortable to have
+questions settled and at rest, it is often safer to leave them open,
+especially where we have neither sufficient knowledge nor power of
+investigation to bring our inquiries to an issue. It is not, however,
+correct to say that because feelings are primary or single they cannot
+be defined. As we cannot take them to pieces or analyse them, we are
+ignorant with regard to their real nature, and of some we cannot form
+any definition whatever, the only account we can give of them being to
+enumerate every object in which they appear; but in the case of others,
+we are enabled to form a definition by means of attributes observed in
+the objects or circumstances which awaken them. We cannot trace any
+common elements in sugar and scent, or in leaves and emeralds, by which
+to define sweetness and viridity; but we think we can discern some in
+the ludicrous. The mere grouping of certain things under one head seems
+to show that mankind notices some similarity between them. But
+definition requires more than this; attributes must be observed, and
+such as are common to all the instances, and where it has been attempted
+there has been a conviction that such would be found, for without them
+it would be impossible. When this belief is entertained, a definition is
+practicable, regarding it not as a perfect or final, but as a possible
+and approximate limitation. To define accurately, we should summon
+before us every real circumstance which does, or imaginary one which
+could, awaken the feeling, and every real and imaginary circumstance
+which, though very similar, has not this effect. The greater the variety
+of these instances which have the power, the fewer are the qualities
+which appear to possess it; and the greater the variety of instances
+which have it not, the greater the number of the qualities we attribute
+to it.
+
+It follows that the more numerous are the particulars to be considered,
+the more difficult it is to form a definition, and this may have led
+some to say that the ludicrous, which covers such a vast and varied
+field, lies entirely beyond it. We might think that we could add and
+subtract attributes until words and faculties failed us, until, in the
+one direction, we were reduced to a single point, in fact, to the
+ludicrous itself--while in the other we are lost in a boundless expanse.
+To be satisfied with our definition, we must form a narrower estimate of
+the number of instances, and a higher one of our powers of
+discrimination.
+
+But there is an alternative--although amusing objects and circumstances
+are almost innumerable, as we may have gathered from the last chapter,
+we may claim a license, frequently allowed in other cases, of drawing
+conclusions from a considerable number of promiscuous examples, and
+regarding them as a fair sample of the whole. Such a view has no doubt
+been taken by many able men, who have attempted to define the ludicrous.
+An eminent German philosopher even said that he did not despair of
+discovering its real essence.
+
+It must be admitted that we have no actual proof that the provocatives
+of the ludicrous are innumerable or utterly heterogeneous, nor any
+greater presumption that they are so than in many cases of physical
+phenomena which we are accustomed to define. The difficulty is at the
+most only that of degree, but we are unusually conscious of it owing to
+the nature of the subject. Every day, if not every hour, brings
+ludicrous objects of different kinds before us, whereas the number and
+variety of plants, animals, and minerals are only known to botanists and
+zoologists and other scientific men.
+
+As the members of a class are infinitely less numerous than the somewhat
+similar things which lie outside it, the course commonly adopted has
+been to examine a few members of it and try to find some of the
+properties a class possesses, without aspiring to ascertain them all.
+Our conclusions will thus be coextensive with our knowledge, rather than
+with our wishes, incomplete and overwide rather than illogical. How far
+easier is it, with regard to our present subject, to decide that the
+circumstances which awaken the ludicrous possess certain elements, than
+that it requires nothing more! the chemist may analyse the bright water
+of a natural spring which he can never manufacture. We can sometimes
+form what is humorous by imitation, but not by following any rules or
+directions; we even seem to be led more to it by accident than by
+design.
+
+Our safest plan, therefore, will be to search for some possible
+elements, and to endeavour to establish some probabilities on a subject
+which must always be somewhat surrounded with uncertainty. The constant
+tillage of the soil, the investigations made, and definitions attempted,
+have not been unproductive of fruit, and we may feel a tolerable degree
+of assurance on some points in question, while admitting that, however
+assiduously we labour, there will always be something beyond our reach.
+We will proceed then to examine and compare the stores of our
+predecessors, and if possible add a grain to the heap. Knowledge is
+progressive, and although it is not the lot of man to be assured of
+absolute truth, still the acquisition of what is relative or approximate
+is not valueless. This consideration, which has cheered many on the road
+of physical philosophy, may afford some encouragement to those who
+follow the equally obscure indications of our mental phenomena.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+Charm of Mystery--Complication--Poetry and Humour
+  compared--Exaggeration.
+
+
+All who are accustomed to novel reading or writing, are aware of the
+fascinating power of mystery. They even consider it a principal test of
+a good story that the plot should be impenetrable, and the final result
+concealed up to the last page. Tension and excitement are agreeable,
+even when the subject itself is somewhat painful. We observe this in a
+tragedy, and it is a common saying some people are never happy except
+when they are miserable. Such is the constitution of the mind; and the
+fact that enjoyment can be obtained when we should expect the reverse,
+is noteworthy with reference to the ludicrous. All mystery causes a
+certain disquietude, but if the problem seems to us capable of being
+solved, it begets an agreeable curiosity. On its resolution the
+excitement ceases, and we only feel a kind of satisfaction, which,
+though more unalloyed, gives less enjoyment than mystery, inasmuch as
+it produces less mental and physical commotion. This tendency in the
+mind to find pleasure in complexity was observed even by Aristotle.
+
+Experience teaches us that no literary style is attractive without a
+certain interlacing of thoughts and feelings. The sentiments which are
+most treasured and survive longest, are those which are conveyed rather
+in a complex than simple form--emotion is thus most quickened, and
+memory impressed. The beauty and charm of form lie greatly in its
+bringing ideas closer together, and succinctness implies fulness of
+thought. Thus a vast number of paradoxical expressions have been
+generated, which are far more agreeable than plain language. We speak of
+"blushing honours," "liquid music," "dry wine," "loud" or "tender
+colours," "round flavour," "cold hearts," "trembling stars," "storms in
+tea-cups," and a thousand similar combinations, putting the abstract for
+the concrete, transferring the perception of one sense to another,
+intermingling the nomenclature of arts, and using a great variety of
+metaphorical and even ungrammatical phrases. Poets owe much of their
+power to such combinations, and we find that allusions, which are
+confessedly the reverse of true, are often the most beautiful, touch the
+heart deepest, and live longest in the memory. Thus the lover delights
+to sing--
+
+  "Why does azure deck the sky?
+  'Tis to be like thine eyes of blue."
+
+Poetry has been called "the conflict of the elements of our being," and
+it is a mark of genius to leave much to the imagination of the reader.
+The higher we soar in poetry and the nearer we approach the sublime, the
+more the distance between the intertwined ideas increases. But we are
+scarcely conscious of any contradiction or discordance, as there is
+always something to resolve and explain it. Thus in "Il Penseroso," when
+we read of "the rugged brow of Night," we think of emblematic
+representations of Nox, and of the dark contraction of the brow in
+frowning. There is no breach of harmony, and we always find in poetry
+stepping stones which enable us to pass over difficulties. Often, too,
+we are assisted in this direction by the intention or tone of the writer
+or speaker.
+
+Athenæus exhibits well, in a story fictitious or traditional, the
+contradictory elements to be found in poetry, and shows how easily
+metaphorical language may become ludicrous when interpreted according to
+the letter rather than the spirit. He makes Sophocles say to an
+Erythræan schoolmaster who wanted to take poetical things literally,
+
+"Then this of Simonides does not please you, I suppose, though it seems
+to the Greeks very well spoken--
+
+  "The maid sends her voice
+  From out her purple mouth!"
+
+"Nor the poet speaking of the golden-haired Apollo, for if the painter
+had made the hair of the god golden and not black, the painting would be
+all the worse. Nor the poet speaking of the rosy-fingered Aurora, for if
+anyone were to dip his fingers into rose-coloured paint, he would make
+his hands like those of a purple dyer, not of a beautiful woman."
+
+The praise of women is so common, and we so often compare them to
+everything beautiful, that the harsh lines in the above similes are
+coloured over and almost disappear. Such language seems as suitable in
+poetry, as commonplace information would be tedious, and being the
+scaffolding by which the ideal rises, the complexity is not prominent as
+in humour, though it adds to the pleasure afforded. But whenever the
+verge of harmony is not only reached, but transgressed, the connection
+of opposite ideas produces a different effect upon us, and we admit that
+from the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. When we go beyond the
+natural we may, if, we heed not, enter the unnatural. In such cases we
+have an additional incentive to mirth--a double complication as it were,
+from the failure of the original intention.
+
+If there were nothing in the world but what is plain and self-evident,
+where would be the romance and wit which form the greatest charm of
+life. Poetry recognises this; and in comic songs, especially of the
+Ethiopian class lately so popular, there is rather too prominent an aim
+to obtain complexity of ideas--sometimes to the verge of nonsense.
+Humorous sayings are largely manufactured on this plan.
+
+The ideas in humour, although in one respect distant, must be brought
+close together. Protraction in relating a story will cause it to fail,
+and this is one reason why jokes in a foreign language seldom make us
+laugh.
+
+Locke speaks of wit as the assemblage of ideas. Most philosophers
+acknowledge the existence of some conflict in humour, and in many
+instances of the ludicrous it seems to lie between the real and ideal.
+External circumstances appear different from what we should expect them
+to be, and think they ought to be. Thus we have seen a dignified man
+walking about quite unconscious that a wag has chalked his back, or
+fastened a "tail" on his coat behind.
+
+Some have attempted to explain all humour on this basis, but the
+complication in it does not seem capable of being brought under this
+head. Weiss and Arnold Ruge say it is "the ideal captive by the
+real"--an opinion similar to that of Schopenhauer, who calls it "the
+triumph of intuition over reflection." Of course, this cannot be taken
+as a definition, for in that case every mistake we make, such as
+thinking a mountain higher than it is, or a right action wrong, would be
+laughable. We contemplate acts of injustice or oppression, and failures
+in art and manufacture, and still feel no inclination to laugh. But we
+may accept the opinion as an admission of the principle of complication.
+The ideal and real often meet without any spark being struck, and in
+some cases the conflict in humour can scarcely be said to lie between
+them. It is often dependent upon a breach of association, or of some
+primary ideas or laws of nature. Necessary principles of mind or matter
+are often violated where things, true under one condition, are
+represented as being so universally. Our American cousins supply us with
+many illustrative instances. "A man is so tall that he has to go up a
+ladder to shave himself." Generally we require to mount, to reach
+anything in a very high position, but if it were our own head, however
+lofty we carried it, we should not require a ladder. Somewhat similar is
+the observation "that a young lady's head-dress is now so high, that she
+requires to stand on a stool to put it on."
+
+We have heard of a soldier surprising and surrounding a body of the
+enemy; and of a man coming downstairs in the morning, thinking himself
+someone else. "One man is as good as another," said Thackeray to the
+Irishman. "No, but much better," was the sharp reply. A somewhat similar
+breach takes place when something is spoken of under a metaphor, and
+then expressions applicable to that thing are transferred to that to
+which it is compared. Passages in literature and oratory thus become
+unintentionally ludicrous. A dignitary, well known for his
+conversational and anecdotal powers, told me that he once heard a very
+flowery preacher exclaim, when alluding to the destruction of the
+Assyrian host. "Death, that mighty archer, mowed them all down with the
+besom of destruction." Another clergyman, equally fond of metaphor,
+enforced the consideration of the shortness of life in the words,
+"Remember, my brethren, we are fast sailing down the stream of life, and
+shall speedily be landed in the ocean of eternity."
+
+Johnson says that wit is "a _discordia concors_, a combination of
+dissimilar images, or discovery of occult resemblances in things
+apparently unlike." Many have considered that humour consists of
+contrast or comparison, and it is true that a large portion of it owes
+much to attributes of relation. This kind of humorous complication is
+generally under the form of saying that a thing is _like_
+something--from which it is essentially different--merely because of the
+existence of some accidental similitude. There are many kinds and
+degrees of this, and some points of resemblance may be found in all
+things. We say "one man is like another," "a man may make himself like a
+brute," &c. Similitudes in minute detail may be pointed out in things
+widely different; and from this range of significations the word _like_
+has been most prolific of humour. It properly means, a real and
+essential likeness, and to use it in any other sense, is to employ it
+falsely. But our amusement is greatly increased when associations are
+violated, and much amusement may by made by showing there is some
+considerable likeness between two objects we have been accustomed to
+regard as very far apart. The smaller the similarity pointed out the
+slighter is the chain which connects the distant objects, and the less
+we are inclined to laugh. But the more we draw the objects together, the
+greater is the complication and the humour. We are then inclined to
+associate the qualities of the one with the other, and a succession of
+grotesque images is suggested backwards and forwards, before the
+amusement ceases. One principal reason why the mention of a drunken man,
+a tailor, or a lover, inclines us to mirth, is that they are associated
+in our minds with absurd actions. Laughter is generally greatest when we
+are intimately acquainted with the person against whom it is directed.
+We have often noticed the absurd effect produced in literature when
+words are used which, although suitable to the subject literally, are
+remote from it in association. The extreme subtlety of these feelings
+render it impossible sometimes to give any explanation of the ideas upon
+which a humorous saying is founded, and may be noticed in many words,
+the bearings of which we can feel, but not specify. A vast number of
+thoughts and emotions are always passing through the mind, many of them
+being so fine that we cannot detect them. The results of some of them
+can be traced as we have before observed in the proficiency which is
+acquired by practice but can never be imparted by mere verbal
+instruction.
+
+If things compared together are given too slight a connection, the
+associations will not be transferred from one to the other, and the wit
+fails, as in Cowley's extravagant fancy work on the basis of his
+mistress' eyes, being like burning-glasses. The objects must also be
+far enough apart for contrast--the farther the better, provided the
+distance be not so great as to change humour into the ludicrous.
+Referring to the desirability of a good literal translation of Homer,
+Beattie makes the following amusing comparisons.
+
+     "Something of this kind the world had reason to expect from Madame
+     Dacier, but was disappointed. Homer, as dressed out by that lady,
+     has more of the Frenchman in his appearance than of the old
+     Grecian. His beard is close shaved, his hair powdered, and there is
+     even a little _rouge_ on his cheek. To speak more intelligibly, his
+     simple and nervous diction is often wire-drawn into a flashy and
+     feeble paraphrase, and his imagery as well as humour, sometimes
+     annihilated by abbreviation. Nay, to make him the more modish, the
+     good lady is at pains to patch up his style with unnecessary
+     phrases and flourishes in the French taste, which have just such an
+     effect in a translation of Homer, as a bag-wig, and snuff-box would
+     have in a picture of Achilles."
+
+In parody a slight likeness in form and expression brings together ideas
+with very different associations. Several instances of this may be found
+in a preceding chapter. By increasing points of similarity between
+distant objects, poetry may be changed into humour. Addison remarks that
+"If a lover declare that his mistress' breast is as white as snow, he
+makes a commonplace observation, but when he adds with a sigh, that it
+is as cold too, he approaches to wit." The former simile is only
+poetical, but the latter draws the comparison too close, the
+complication becomes too strong, and we feel inclined to laugh. Addison
+merely notices the number of points of similitude, but the reason they
+produce or augment humour, is that they make the solution difficult.
+
+When it is easy to limit and disentangle the likeness and unlikeness,
+the pleasantry is small, as where Butler says--
+
+  "The sun had long since, in the lap
+  Of Thetis, taken out his nap,
+  And, like a lobster boiled, the moon
+  From black to red began to turn."
+
+Here there is no element of truth--the things are too far apart. A
+humorous comparison should not be entirely fanciful, and without basis;
+otherwise we should have no complication.
+
+Many humorous sayings, especially those found in comic papers, fail for
+want of foundation. That would-be wit which has no element of truth is
+always a failure, and may appear romantic, dull or ludicrous--or simply
+nonsensical. As in a novel, the more pure invention there is the duller
+we find it, so here the more like truth, the error appears the better.
+The finer the balance, the nearer doubt is approached, provided it be
+not reached, the more excellent and artistic the humour. Gross
+exaggeration is not humorous. There is too much of this extravagant and
+spurious humour in the comic literature of the day. "Many men," writes
+Addison, "if they speak nonsense believe they are talking humour; and
+when they have drawn together a scheme of absurd inconsistant ideas are
+not able to read it over to themselves without laughing. These poor
+gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves the reputation of wits and
+humorists by such monstrous conceits as almost qualify them for Bedlam,
+not considering that humour should be always under the check of reason."
+There is nothing pleasant in nonsense. In both humour and the ludicrous
+the imperfection must refer to some kind of right or truth, and revolve,
+as it were, round a fixed axis. "To laugh heartily we must have
+reality," writes Marmontel, and it is remarkable that most good comic
+situations have been taken from the author's own experience. The best
+kind of humour is the most artistic embellishment of the ludicrous.
+
+The fact that humour is often found in comparisons, probably led Léon
+Dumont to consider that it arose from the meeting of two opposite ideas
+in the mind. But often there is no contrast. It does not always strike
+us that the state of things present before us is different from some
+other clearly defined condition. We do not necessarily see that a thing
+is wrong as differing from something else, but as opposing some
+standard in our minds which it is often difficult to determine. We
+sometimes laugh at another person's costume, though it does not occur to
+us that he should be dressed as ourselves, or according to some
+particular fashion, nor could we point out at what precise point it
+diverges from the code of propriety. But by reflecting we could probably
+mark the deviation. The ludicrous often suggests comparisons; when we
+see something absurd we often try to find a resemblance to something
+else, but this is after we have been amused, and we sometimes say of a
+very ridiculous man, that we "do not know what he is like."
+
+Humorous complications appear under many forms and disguises. The
+Americans have lately introduced an indifferent kind of it under the
+form of an ellipse--an omission of some important matter. Thus, the
+editor of a Western newspaper announces that if any more libels are
+published about him, there will be several first class funerals in his
+neighbourhood. Again, "An old Maine woman undertook to eat a gallon of
+oysters for one hundred dollars. She gained fifteen--the funeral costing
+eighty-five." Another common form of humorous complication is taking an
+expression in a different sense from that it usually bears. "You cannot
+eat your cake, and have your cake;" "But how," asks the wilful child,
+"am I to eat my cake, if I don't have it?" Thackeray speaks of a young
+man who possessed every qualification for success--except talent and
+industry.
+
+In many other common forms of speech there are openings for specious
+amendments, sometimes for real ones, especially in ironical expressions.
+But as in pronunciation we regard usage rather than etymology, so in
+sense the true meaning is not the literal or grammatical, but the
+conventional. Much indifferent humour is made of question and
+answer;--the reply being given falsely, as if the interrogation were put
+in a different sense from that intended, an occasion for the quibble
+being given by some loose or perhaps literal meaning of the words. Thus,
+"Have you seen Patti?" _A._ "Yes." _Q._ "What in?" _A._ "A brougham."
+
+Indelicacy or irreverence is unpleasant in itself, and yet when
+complication is added to it few of us can avoid laughing, and I am
+afraid that some considerably enjoy objectionable allusions. To tell a
+man to go to h---, or that he deserves to go there, is merely coarse and
+profane abuse, but when a labourer is found by an irritable country
+gentleman piling up a heap of stones in front of his house, and being
+rated for causing such an obstruction, asks where else he is to take
+them, and is told "to h--- if you like," we are amused at the
+answer--"Indeed, then, if I was to take them to heaven, they'd be more
+out of your way." Thus, also, to call a man an ass would not win a smile
+from most of us, but we relax a little when the writers in a high church
+periodical, addicted to attacking Mr. Spurgeon, upon being accused of
+being actuated by envy, retort that they know the commandment--"Thou
+shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass."
+
+If we examine carefully the circumstances which awaken the ludicrous, we
+shall probably come to conclude that they often contain something which
+puzzles our understanding. An act which seems ridiculous would not
+appear so if we could entirely account for it, for instance, if it were
+done to win a bet. There seems to be in the ludicrous not merely some
+error in the taste brought before us, but something which we can
+scarcely believe to be the case. This alone would account for some
+variation, for what seems unintelligible to the ignorant seems plain to
+the educated, and what puzzles the well-informed raises no question
+among the inexperienced. The ludicrous depends upon that kind of
+intellectual twilight which is the lot of man here below. Were our
+knowledge perfect we should no more laugh than angelic beings,[21] were
+it final we should be as grave as the lower animals. Humour exists where
+the faculties are not fully developed, and our capacities are beyond our
+attainments, but fails where the mind has reached its limit, or feels no
+forward impulse. Study and high education are adverse to mirth, because
+the mind becomes impressed with the universality of law and order, and
+when learned men are merry, they are so mostly from being of genial or
+sympathetic natures. Density and dullness of intelligence are also
+unfavourable to humour from the absence of sensibility and
+generalization. We find that those whose experience is imperfect are
+most inclined to mirth. This is the reason why children, especially
+those of the prosperous classes, are so full of merriment. They are not
+only highly emotional, but have inquiring and progressive minds, while
+their experience being small, and generalization imperfect, they see
+much that appears strange and perplexing to them; but their laughter is
+never hearty as in the case of those whose views are more formed.[22]
+
+Exaggeration always contains either falsity, or complication, and when
+it is used for humour the deficiency is made up. It easily affords
+amusement, because it can bring together the most distant and discordant
+ideas. American wits have made great use of it. Thus we read of a man
+driving his gig at such a pace along the high road that his companion,
+looking at the mile stones, asked what cemetery they were passing
+through? One of the same country described the extent of his native land
+in the following terms: "It is bounded on the North by the Aurora
+Borealis, on the South by the Southern Cross, on the East by the rising
+sun, and on the West by the Day of Judgment." The same may be said of
+diminution which is only humorous when connecting distant ideas. In "The
+Man of Taste," a poem, by the Rev. T. Bramstone in Dodsley's collection,
+we read--
+
+  "My hair I'll powder in the women's way,
+  And dress and talk of dressing more than they;
+  I'll please the maids of honour if I can,
+  Without black velvet breeches--what is man?"
+
+Longinus, says, "He was possessor of a field as small as a Lacedæmonian
+letter." Their letters often consisted only of two or three words. A
+gentleman I met on one occasion in a train, speaking of a lady friend,
+observed--"She's very small, but what there is of her is very, very
+good. Why, she'd go into that box," pointing to one for sandwiches.
+"She's not bigger than that umbrella. 'Pon my honour as a gentleman,
+she's not."
+
+Humour, by means of the perplexity it produces, often gains the victory
+over strong emotions. This fact has been practically recognised by
+orators, who see that when a man is struck by a humorous allusion,
+powerful feelings which could not otherwise be swayed give way, and even
+firm resolutions seem for the moment shaken and changed. We are bribed
+by our desire for pleasure, and a man thus often seems to sympathise
+with those he really opposes and can even be made to laugh at
+himself--strong antagonistic sensations and emotions being conquered by
+complexity. To most persons nothing can be more solemn than the thought
+of death, except its actual presence; but Theramenes was light-hearted
+when the hemlock bowl was presented to him, and drinking it off could
+not, as he threw out the dregs, resist exclaiming "To the health of the
+lovely Critias."[23] Sir Thomas More was jocose upon the scaffold.
+Baron Görz, when being led to death, said to his cook--"It's all over
+now, my friend, you will never cook me a good supper again." The poet
+Kleist, who was killed in the battle of Kunersdorf, was seized with a
+violent fit of laughter just before he expired, when he thought of the
+extraordinary faces a Cossack, who had been plundering him, made over
+the prize he had found. In the same way a lady told me that a friend of
+hers, having had a severe fall from his horse, drew a caricature of the
+accident while the litter was being prepared for him. Scarron was
+constantly in bodily suffering; and Norman Macleod wrote some humorous
+verses "On Captain Frazer's Nose" when he was enduring such violent pain
+that he spent the night in his study, and had occasionally to bend over
+the back of a chair for relief.
+
+Charles Mathews retained his love of humour to the last. I have heard
+that, when dying at Plymouth, he ordered himself to be laid out as if
+dead. The doctor on entering exclaimed, "Poor fellow, he's gone! I knew
+he would not last long," and was just leaving the room with some sad
+reflections, when he heard the lamented man chuckling under the sheet.
+
+Thus, also, a German General relates that after a skirmish a French
+hussar was brought in with a huge slash across his face. "Have you
+received a sabre cut, my poor fellow?" asked the General. "Pooh, I was
+shaved too closely this morning," was the reply. Something may be
+attributed in such cases to nervous excitement, which seeks relief in
+some counteraction. Mr. Hardy observes that there appears to be always a
+superficial film of consciousness which is left disengaged and open to
+the notice of trifles.
+
+Addison says that false humour differs from true, as a monkey does from
+a man. He goes on to say that false humour is given to little apish
+tricks, and buffooneries. Now the reason why Addison and cultivated men
+in general do not laugh at buffooneries and place them in the catalogue
+of false humour, is simply because they do not present to their minds
+any complication. When harlequin knocks the clown and pantaloon over on
+their backs, "the gods" burst with laughter, unable to understand the
+catastrophe, but those who have seen such things often, and consider
+that men make a living by such tricks, see nothing at all strange in it,
+remain grave and perhaps wearied. It was the want of complication that
+probably prevented Uncle Shallow from complying with the simple
+Slender's request to "Tell Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole
+two geese out of a pen."
+
+It may be almost unnecessary to observe that all errors in taste are not
+ludicrous. "Tea-boardy" pictures do not make us laugh, we only attribute
+them to unskilful artists, of whom unfortunately there are too many. Nor
+is the ludicrous to be classed under the head of taste; very often that
+which awakens it offers no violence to our æsthetic sensibilities. It is
+true that in Art, that which appears ludicrous will always be
+distasteful, for it will offend the eye or ear, but it is something
+more, and we occasionally speak as though it were outside taste
+altogether. Thus when we see some very evident failure in a sketch, we
+say "this is a most wretched work, and out of all drawing," and add as a
+climax of disapprobation "It is perfectly ridiculous." A violation of
+taste is never sufficient for the ludicrous, and the ludicrous is not
+always a violation of taste.
+
+There is something in humour beyond what is merely unexpected. I
+remember a physician telling me that a gentleman objected very much to
+some prescriptions given to his wife, and wanted some quack medicines
+tried. The doctor opposed him, and on the gentleman calling on him and
+telling him he was unfit for his profession, there was an open rupture
+between them, and they cut each other in the street. Not long afterwards
+the gentleman died, and left him a legacy of £500. The doctor could not
+help being amused at the bequest under such circumstances, though, had
+it come equally unexpectedly from a mere stranger, he would have been
+merely surprised.
+
+In some humorous sayings we find several different complications, which
+increase the force. Coincidences of this kind not only add to, but
+multiply humour in which when of a high class the complexity is very
+subtle. It has much increased since ancient times, there was a large
+preponderance of emotion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+Imperfection--An Impression of Falsity implied--Two Views taken by
+  Philosophers--Firstly that of Voltaire, Jean Paul, Brown, the German
+  Idealists, Léon Dumont, Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and
+  Dugald Stewart--Whately on Jests--Nature of Puns--Effect of Custom and
+  Habit--Accessory Emotion--Disappointment and Loss--Practical Jokes.
+
+
+Although a distinction can be drawn in humour between the sense of wrong
+and the complication which accompanies it, still, as in any given case,
+the two flow out of the same circumstances, there seems to be some
+indissoluble link between them. It is not necessary to say that the
+sense of the ludicrous is a compound feeling, to maintain that it has
+the appearance of containing or being connected with something like a
+feeling of disapprobation.
+
+Moreover, all the elements contained must be perfectly fused together
+before the ludicrous can be appreciated, just as Sir T. Macintosh
+observes of Beauty, "Until all the separate pleasures which create it be
+melted into one--as long as any of them are discerned and felt as
+distinct from each other--qualities which gratify are not called by the
+name of Beauty," and when we say that the humour consists of an emotion
+awakened by an exercise of judgment, we do not pretend to determine how
+far the emotion has been modified by judgment, and judgment directed by
+emotion.
+
+We cannot properly suppose that there is anything really wrong in
+external objects brought before us, and did we recognise that everything
+moves in a regular pre-ordained course, we should be obliged to consider
+everything right, and conclude that the error we observe is imaginary,
+and flows from our own false standard. We do so with regard to the
+so-called works of Nature, and, therefore, we never laugh at a rock or a
+tree--no matter how strange its form. But in the general circumstances
+brought before us the reign of law is not so clear, especially when they
+depend on the actions of men, which we feel able to pronounce judgment
+upon, and condemn when opposed to our ideal. In humorous representations
+we are actually beholding what is false; in ludicrous we think we are,
+though we cannot avoid at times detecting some infirmity in our own
+discernment. Thus, in the case of a child's puzzle, a person unable to
+solve it sometimes exclaims, "How dull I am! I ought to be able to do
+it," and people occasionally find fault with their senses, as we
+sometimes see them laughing when dazzled by rapidly revolving colours.
+Such instances may suggest to us that the fault we find really
+originates in our own obtuseness.
+
+But before proceeding, we must allow that philosophers and literary men
+are divided in opinion as to the existence of any feeling of wrong in
+the ludicrous. Voltaire, tilting against the windmills which the old
+animosity school had set up, observes, "When I was eleven years old, I
+read all alone for the first time the 'Amphitryon' of Molière, and I
+laughed until I was on the point of falling down. Was this from
+hostility?--one is not hostile when alone!" This will not seem to most
+of us more conclusive reasoning than that of his opponents. We seldom
+laugh when alone, although we often feel angry.
+
+Dryden says "Wit is a propriety of words and thoughts adapted to the
+subject," and Pope gives us a similar opinion in the following words--
+
+  "True wit is nature to advantage dressed,
+  What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed,
+  Something whose truth convinced at sight we find.
+  That gives us back the image to our mind."
+
+Taking this view of the subject, we should be inclined to think the
+Psalms of David especially witty, and to agree with the pretentious
+young lady who, being asked what she thought of Euclid, replied at a
+hazard that "It was the wittiest book she had ever read." But it seems
+probable from other passages in Pope's works that he did not here intend
+to give a full definition, but only some characteristics. Moreover, in
+former times, Wit was not properly distinguished from Wisdom, and the
+above authors probably used the word in the old sense. Young says,
+"Well-judging wit is a flower of wisdom," to which we may reply in the
+words of an old proverb, "Wit and Wisdom, like the seven stars, are
+seldom found together."
+
+Brown, in his lectures on "The Human Understanding," observes that in
+the ludicrous we do not condemn, but admire, and he cites as an
+illustration the case of some friends dining at an hotel. Boniface
+smilingly inquires what wine they would like to drink. One says
+Champagne, another Claret, another Burgundy, but the last one observes
+knowingly that he should like that best for which he should not have to
+pay. Now in this there is certainly a fault, for the answer is not
+applicable to the question. Brown's theory is that the ludicrous arises
+from the contemplation of incongruities, and he finds himself somewhat
+puzzled when he considers that the incongruities in science--in
+chemistry, for instance--do not make us laugh. He is at some trouble to
+explain that the importance of the subject renders us serious. But had
+he recognised the fact that the ludicrous implies condemnation, he would
+have seen that we could not be amused at incongruities in science,
+because we have a strong conviction that they are not real but only
+apparent. Some very ignorant persons, as he observes, do occasionally
+laugh at philosophic truths. I knew a lady who laughed at being told of
+the great distance of the planets, and a gentleman assured me that a
+friend of his, a man who had such shrewdness that he rose from the
+lowest ranks and acquired £100,000, would never believe that the earth
+was round!
+
+Jean Paul, taking the same admiration view, observes that "women laugh
+more than men, and the haughty Turk not at all." But are not these facts
+referable to comparative excitability and apathy, and also to the
+multiplicity and variety of female ideas compared with the dulness of
+the Moslem's apprehension. Jean Paul proceeds to say that the more
+people laugh at our joke, the better we are pleased, and that this does
+not seem as though the enjoyment came from a feeling of triumph. But
+what is really laughed at is the humour, and not the humorist, and as a
+man wishes the beauty of a poem he has written to be generally
+acknowledged, so he desires to see the point of his satire appreciated
+by as many as possible.
+
+A fruitful source of error in the investigation of humour arises from
+the difficulty in determining where it lies--of localizing it, if I may
+be allowed the expression. We hear a very amusing observation, and at
+once join heartily in the laugh, but cannot say whether we are laughing
+at a circumstance or a person, at a representation or a reality.
+
+We come now to the most important authority on this side of the
+question. The systems which the German philosophers have propounded are
+more serviceable to themselves than edifying to the ordinary reader.
+High abstractions afford but a very vague and indefinite idea to the
+mind, nor can their application be fully understood but by those who
+have ascended the successive stages by which each philosopher has
+himself mounted. On the present subject, their opinions seem to have
+been influenced by their views on other subjects. As we have already
+observed, Kant and several of the leading German idealists are in favour
+of considering the ludicrous as a "resolution" or a "deliverance of the
+absolute, captive by the finite," an opinion which reminds us of
+Hobbes' old theory of "glorying over others." The difference between
+their views and that of most authorities is not so great as it at first
+appears; they admit a "negation" of truth and beauty, but found the
+ludicrous, not upon this, but upon the rebirth which follows. This step
+in advance, taken in accordance with their general philosophy, may be
+correct, but it does not seem warranted by the mere examination of the
+subject itself. Can we say that at the instant of laughter we regard not
+that something is wrong, but that the reverse of it is right? When
+humour is brought before us, do we feel in any way instructed? This
+rebirth from a negation must seem somewhat visionary. What, for
+instance, is the truth to be gathered from the following. "I wish," said
+a philanthropic orator, "to be a friend to the friendless, a father to
+the fatherless, and a widow to the widowless."
+
+Probably, the philosopher who formed the rebirth theory had looked at
+ludicrous events rather than humorous stories--and it may be urged that
+we laugh at the former when we are set right, and are convinced of
+having been really mistaken. But at the moment what excites mirth is
+something that seems wrong. We meet a friend, for instance, in a place
+where we little expected to see him, and perhaps smile at the meeting.
+Had we known all his movements we should not have been thus surprised,
+but we were ignorant of them. Here we may say our views are corrected,
+and our amusement comes from a resolution or rebirth. But reflection
+will show that whatever our final conclusion may be, we laugh at what
+seems to us, at the moment, unaccountable and wrong; and as soon as we
+begin to correct ourselves, and to see how the event occurred, our
+merriment disappears.
+
+Many instances will occur to us in which what is really right may appear
+wrong. Most of us have heard the proverb "If the day is fine take an
+umbrella, if it rains do as you like." It may give good advice, but we
+should be much inclined to laugh at anyone who adopted it.
+
+Léon Dumont, the latest writer who has added considerably to our
+knowledge on this subject, does not admit the existence of imperfection
+in the ludicrous. But the arguments which he adduces do not seem to be
+conclusive. He says, for instance, that we laugh at love and amatory
+adventures because they abound in deceptions! But deception always
+implies ignorance or falsity, and the extravagant phraseology of love,
+the fanciful names, the griefs and ecstasies, are not only ridiculous
+in themselves, but lead us to regard lovers generally as bereft of
+reason.
+
+Dumont observes, in support of his theory, that "when a small man bobs
+his head in passing under a door, we laugh." But if a puppet or a
+pantaloon were to do so we should scarcely be amused, for we could
+account for it, and see nothing wrong in his action. He goes on to ask
+how the other view is applicable in the case of Ariosto's father, who
+rates his son at the very moment when the latter is wanting a model of
+an enraged parent to complete his comedy. It is our general idea that
+the anger of a father is something alarming and painful to endure, but
+here we see it regarded as a most fortunate occurrence. The man is
+producing the contrary effect to what he supposes, he is not effecting
+what he is intending; here is a strange kind of failure or ignorance.
+Suppose we had known that the father was only simulating anger, we
+should probably not have laughed, or if we were amused, it would be at
+Ariosto's expense, who was being deceived in his model of parental
+indignation.
+
+Léon Dumont defines the laughable to be that of which the mind is forced
+to affirm and to deny the same thing at the same time. He attributes it
+to two distant ideas being brought together. We might thus conclude that
+there was something droll in such expressions as "eyes of fire," "lips
+of dew."
+
+Everyone is aware that humour is generally evanescent, the feeling goes
+almost as soon as it arrives; and the same spell, if repeated, has lost
+its charm. It may be said that all repetition is, in its nature,
+wearisome, because it is not in accordance with the progress of the
+human mind, but we must admit that it is less damaging to poetry in
+which there is a perpetual spring and rebirth, and to proverbs which
+have ever fresh and useful application.
+
+"Nothing," writes Amelot, "pleases less than a perpetual pleasantry,"
+and we all know that a jest-book is dull reading. Humour seems the more
+fugitive, because we do not know by what means to reproduce and continue
+it. We can, almost at will, call up emotions of love, hatred or sorrow,
+and when we feel them we can aggravate them to any extent, but humour is
+not thus under our command. We cannot invent or summon it. When we have
+heard a "good thing" said, we shall find that the mere repetition of the
+words originally uttered are more fully successful in reproducing and
+prolonging our mirth than all the attempts we usually make to develop it
+and come closer to the point. Sydney Smith was of opinion that much
+might be effected by perseverance, and this is the reason that he was
+often guilty of that bad and overstrained wit which led Lord Brougham to
+call him "too much of a Jack pudding."
+
+We cannot by calculation and design produce anything worthy of the name
+of humour. It is generally true that any kind of reflection is inimical
+to it. But no doubt the great cause of its evanescence is that it leads
+to nothing, and adds nothing to our information. The most fleeting
+humour is that which is on unimportant subjects, as in comic poems and
+squibs, which may show considerable ingenuity, but have no interest. It
+is the nugatory and negative character of humour that makes it so
+short-lived. Hence, also, it is best at intervals, and in small
+quantities. The fact that when any attempt is made to explain a jest and
+glean any information from it the humour vanishes, seems much opposed to
+its containing any principle of rebirth.
+
+Many of the philosophers, who have discarded the idea of there being
+condemnation in the ludicrous, have been misled either by not
+distinguishing between the ludicrous and the gift of humour, or by
+regarding the grain of truth which is imbedded in all wit as the entire
+or principal cause of our amusement. To form the complication necessary
+for humorous sayings there must be, of course, some element of truth to
+oppose the falsity in them. The course in forming witty sayings is
+generally the following. We remark some real resemblance between things
+which has hitherto been unnoticed. We then, upon this foundation, make a
+false statement, deriving so much colour from the truth that we cannot
+easily disengage one from the other. The resemblance must be something
+striking and unusual, or it would not support a statement which opposes
+our ordinary experience. As in the ludicrous there is reality, so in
+humour there must be some element of truth, or we should regard the
+invention as simple falsehood. To this extent we are prepared to agree
+with Boileau that "the basis of all wit is truth," but the result and
+general impression it gives is falsity.
+
+Addison's Genealogy of Humour:--
+
+         Truth
+       Good Sense
+     Wit        Mirth
+         Humour
+
+at first seems to be erroneous, but he does not really mean to say that
+there is no falsehood in it, but that it does not approach nonsense, and
+often contains useful instruction.
+
+Holms exhibits the nature of humour in a passage remarkable for
+philosophy and elegance:
+
+     "There is a perfect consciousness in every kind of wit that its
+     essence consists in a partial and incomplete view of whatever it
+     touches. It throws a single ray separated from the rest, red,
+     yellow, blue, or any intermediate shade upon an object, never white
+     light. We get beautiful effects from wit, all the prismatic
+     colours, but never the object is in fair daylight. Poetry uses the
+     rainbow tints for special effects, but always its essential object
+     is the purest white light of truth."
+
+Bacon went further, and considered that even the beauty of poetry and
+the pleasures of imagination were derived from falsehood.
+
+     "This truth is a naked and open daylight, which doth not show the
+     masques and mummeries and triumphs of the world half so stately and
+     daintily as candle light. Truth may perhaps come to the price of a
+     pearl that showeth well by day, but it will not rise to the price
+     of a diamond or carbuncle that shineth best in varied lights. A
+     mixture of a lie doth ever add pleasure. Doth any man doubt that if
+     there were taken out of men's minds vain opinions, flattering
+     hopes, false valuations, imagination, and the like, but that it
+     would leave the minds of a number of men poor shrunken things full
+     of melancholy indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves."
+
+Mr. Dallas goes so far as to say that "it is impossible that laughter
+should be an unmixed pleasure, seeing it arises from some aspect of
+imperfection or discordance." The fact that many people would undergo
+almost any kind of suffering rather than be exposed to ridicule,
+indicates that it contains some very unpleasant reflection. We sometimes
+feel uncomfortable even when we hear laughter around us, the cause of
+which we do not know, fearing that we may be ourselves the object of
+it--even dogs dislike to be laughed at. Our ordinary modes of speech
+seem to point to some imperfection or error in humour, as when we say
+"there is many a true word spoken in jest," or "life is a jest,"
+signifying its unreality. Sometimes we say that an observation "must be
+a joke," implying that it is false. I have even heard of a man who never
+laughed at humour because he hated falsehood, and we sometimes say of an
+untrue statement that it must be taken with a "grain of salt."
+
+It is so very common for men to flinch under ridicule, that it is said
+to be a good test of courage. An old English poet says,
+
+  "For he who does not tremble at the sword,
+  Who quails not with his head upon the block,
+  Turn but a jest against him, loses heart.
+  The shafts of wit slip through the stoutest mail;
+  There is no man alive that can live down
+  The unextinguishable laughter of mankind."
+
+Aristotle defines the ludicrous to be "a certain error and turpitude
+unattended with pain, and not destructive," a statement which may refer
+to moral or physical defects. Cicero and Quintilian, looking probably at
+satire, consider it to be mostly directed against the shortcomings and
+offences of men. Bacon in his "Silva Silvarum" says the objects of
+laughter are deformity, absurdity, and misfortune, in which we trace a
+certain severity, although he speaks of "jocular arts" as "deceptions of
+the senses," such as in masks, and other exhibitions, were much in
+fashion in his day. Descartes says that we only laugh at those whom we
+deem worthy of reproach; but Marmontel, the celebrated pupil of
+Voltaire, takes a view which bespeaks greater cultivation and a progress
+in society. "A fault in manner," he says, "is laughable; a false
+pretension is ridiculous, a situation which exposes vice to detestation
+is comic, a _bon mot_ is pleasant."
+
+Dugald Stewart proceeds so far as almost to exclude vice, for he only
+specifies "slight imperfections in the character and manners, such as do
+not excite any moral indignation." He says that it is especially excited
+by affectation, hypocrisy, and vanity.
+
+We trace in these successive opinions of philosophers an improvement in
+humour, proportionate to the progress of mankind. As men of literature,
+they drew general conclusions, and from the higher and more cultivated
+classes, probably much from books. Had they taken a wider range, their
+catalogues would have been more comprehensive.
+
+But the amelioration we have traced is as much in the general tone of
+feeling as in humour itself, if not more. Bitter reflections upon the
+personal or moral defects of others are not so acceptable now as
+formerly; the "glorying" over the downfall of our neighbours is less
+common.
+
+Thus we mark an improvement in the sentiments which accompany the
+ludicrous, and which many philosophers seem to have mistaken for the
+ludicrous itself. Neither hostility, indelicacy, nor profanity can
+create the ludicrous, but where they do not disgust they vivify and make
+it more effective. It will be observed that in all of them there is
+something we condemn and disapprove. The joy of gain and advantage was
+in very early times sufficient to quicken humour in that childlike mirth
+which flowed chiefly from delight and exultation, but the "laughter of
+pleasure" has passed away, perhaps we require something more keen or
+subtle in the maturer age of the world. The accessory emotions are not
+at present either so joyous or so offensive as they were in bygone
+times. The "faults in manners" of Marmontel, and the "slight
+imperfections" of Dugald Stewart, showed that the objectionable
+stimulants of the ludicrous were assuming a much milder form.
+
+From the views of Archbishop Whately set forth in his "Logic," we might
+suppose that pleasantries, although not devoid of falsity, were usually
+of a truly innocuous character--"Jests," he writes, "are mock fallacies,
+_i.e._ fallacies so palpable as not to be able to deceive anyone, but
+yet bearing just the resemblance of argument which is calculated to
+amuse by contrast." Farther on we read again: "There are several
+different kind of jokes and raillery, which will be found to correspond
+with the different kinds of fallacy." On this we may observe that some
+jests, generally of the "manufactured" class, are founded on a false
+logical process, but in most cases the error arises more from the matter
+than from the form, and often from mistakes of the senses. Although
+nearly every misconception may be represented under the form of false
+ratiocination, the imperfection almost always lies in one of the
+premises, and it is seldom that there is plainly a fault of argument in
+humour. If we claim everything as a fallacy of which there is no
+evidence, though there seems to be some, we shall embrace a large
+area--part of which is usually assigned to falsity, and if we consider
+every mistake to come from wrong deduction, we shall convict mankind of
+being so full of fallacies as not to be a rational, but a most illogical
+animal. Whately says, "The pun is evidently in most instances a mock
+argument founded on a palpable equivocation of the middle term--and
+others in like manner will be found to correspond to the respective
+fallacies."
+
+A pun is the nearest approach to a mere mock fallacy of form, and we see
+what poor amusement it generally affords. To feign that because words
+have the same sound, they convey the same thoughts or meanings is a
+fiction as transparent as it is preposterous. A word is nothing but an
+arbitrary sign, and apart from the thought connected with it, it is an
+empty unmeaning sound. The link is too slight in puns, the disparity
+between the things they represent as similar, too great--there is too
+much falsity. The worst kind of them is where the words are unlike in
+spelling, and even somewhat so in sound, and where the same reference
+cannot be made to suit both. Such are puns of the "atrocious" or
+"villainous" class--a fertile source of bad riddles. For instance, "Why
+is an old shoe like ancient Greece?" "Because it had a sole on (Solon)."
+Here the words are very dissimilar and the allusion is imperfect--the
+description of an old shoe being wrong and forced.
+
+The founders of many of our great families have shown how much this kind
+of humour was once appreciated by using it in their mottoes. Thus Onslow
+has "_Festina lente_" and Vernon more happily "_Ver non semper floret_."
+Some puns are amusingly ingenious when the reference hinges well on both
+words, some additional verbal or other connection is shown, and the
+words are exactly alike. When there are not two words, but one is used
+in two senses, there is still greater improvement. Thus the Rev. R. S.
+Hawker--a man of such mediæval tastes that he was claimed, falsely, I
+believe, as a Roman Catholic--made an apt reply to a nobleman who had
+told him in the heat of religious controversy that he would not be
+priest-ridden--
+
+  "Priest-ridden thou! it cannot be
+  By prophet or by priest,
+  Balaam is dead, and none but he
+  Would choose thee for his beast!"
+
+We also consider that the mendicant deserved a coin, who, knowing the
+love of wit in Louis XIV., complained sadly to him, _Ton image est
+partout--excepté dans ma poche_. In such cases the pun is sometimes
+transformed, for it only invariably exists where the words are equivocal
+and where the allusion is peculiarly applicable to the double meaning
+the falsity vanishes, and the verbal coincidence becomes an effective
+ornament of style. It has been so used by the most successful writers,
+and it is still under certain conditions approved; but more
+discrimination is required in such embellishments than was anciently
+necessary. And when the allusion becomes not only elegant but
+iridescent, reflecting beautiful and changing lights, it rises into
+poetical metaphor.
+
+Falsity is necessary to constitute a pun; if no great identity is
+assumed between the two words, and they are not introduced in a somewhat
+strained manner, we do not consider the term applicable. If the use of
+merely similar words in sentences were to be so viewed, we should be
+constantly guilty of punning. Wordsworth was not guilty of a pun on that
+hot day in Germany when, his friends having given him some hock, a wine
+he detested, he exclaimed:
+
+  "In Spain, that land of priests and apes
+  The thing called wine doth come from grapes,
+  But where flows down the lordly Rhine
+  The thing called _gripes_ doth come from wine."
+
+No doubt he intended to show a coincidence in coupling together two
+words of nearly the same sound, but he represented the two things
+signified as cause and effect, not as identical, so as to form a pun.
+
+The difference between poetical and humorous comparisons may be
+generally stated to be that the former are upward towards something
+superior, the latter downwards towards something inferior. Tennyson
+calls Maud a "queen rose," and when we sing--
+
+                      "Happy fair,
+  Thine eyes are load stars, and thy tongue sweet air,"
+
+the comparison is inspiring, but, when Washington Irving speaks of a
+"vinegar-faced woman," we feel inclined to laugh. There are, however,
+exceptions to this rule. Socrates says that to compare a man to
+everything excellent is to insult him. Sometimes also a dwarf is
+compared to a giant for the purpose of calling attention to his
+insignificance. This is often seen in irony. So also, we at times laugh
+at the sagacity shown by the lower animals, which seems not so much to
+raise them in our estimation as to lower them by occasioning a
+comparison with the superior powers of man.
+
+Sometimes in comparisons between things very different, we cannot say
+one thing is not as good as another, but, with regard to a certain use,
+purpose, or design, there may be an evident inferiority. Thus
+comparisons are so often odious, that Wordsworth speaks of the blessing
+of being able to look at the world without making them. We may observe
+generally that when an idea is brought before us, which, instead of
+elevating and enlarging our previous conception, clashes and jangles
+with it, there is an approach towards the laughable.
+
+We cannot say that enthusiasm in Art or Science should not exist, and
+yet a manifestation of it seems absurd when we do not sympathise in it.
+The most amiable and beneficent of men, it has been remarked, "have
+always been a favourite subject of ridicule for the satirist and
+jester." Personal deformities seem absurd to some, but those who have
+made them their study see nothing extraordinary in them. Sometimes our
+laughter shows us that something seems wrong, which our highest ideal
+would approve. I remember seeing an aged man tottering along a rough
+road in France, with a heavy bag of geese on his back. One of his
+countrymen, who by the way have not too much reverence for age, came
+behind him and jovially exclaimed, "_Courage, mon ami, vous êtes sur le
+chemin de Paradis_." The old man ought to have been glad to have been on
+the road to heaven, but our laughter reminds us that most would prefer
+to stay on earth.
+
+It must be admitted that our feelings with regard to right and wrong are
+very shifting and changeable, and that we condemn others for doing what
+we should ourselves have done under the same circumstances. We have also
+an especial tendency to adopt the view that what we are accustomed to is
+right. We sometimes observe this in morals, where it causes a
+considerable amount of confusion, but it holds greater sway over such
+light matters as awaken the sense of the ludicrous. When anything is
+presented to us different from what we have been long accustomed to,
+unless it is evidently better, we are inclined to consider it worse. In
+the same way, things which at first we consider wrong, we finally come
+to think unobjectionable.
+
+In taste and our sense of the ludicrous, we find ourselves greatly under
+the influence of habit. What seems to be a logical error is often found
+to be merely something to which we are unaccustomed; thus the double
+negative, which sounds to us absurd and equivalent to an affirmation, is
+used in many languages merely to give emphasis.
+
+How ridiculous do the manners of our forefathers now seem, their
+pig-tails, powder, and patches, the large fardingales, and the stiff and
+pompous etiquette. I remember a gentleman, a staunch admirer of the old
+school, who, lamenting over the lounging and lolling of the present day,
+said that his grandmother, even when dying, refused to relax into a
+recumbent posture. She was sitting erect even to her very last hour, and
+when the doctor suggested to her that she would find herself easier in a
+reposing posture, she replied, "No, sir, I prefer to die as I am," and
+she breathed her last, sitting bolt upright in her high-backed chair. So
+great indeed is the power of custom that it almost leads us to view
+artificial things as natural productions--to commit as great an error as
+that of the African King who said that "England must be a fine country,
+where the rivers flow with rum."
+
+Speaking theoretically, we may say that the opposition of either custom
+or morale is sufficient to extinguish the ludicrous, and that we do not
+laugh at what is wrong if we are used to it; or at what is unusual if we
+think it right. When there is a collision, we may regard the two as
+neutralizing each other. Still, for this to hold good, neither must
+predominate, and it will practically be found from the constitution of
+our minds, a small amount of custom will overcome a considerable amount
+of morale. In illustration of the above remarks, we might appropriately
+refer to those strange articles of wearing apparel called hats, the
+shape of which might suggest to those unaccustomed to them, that we were
+carrying some culinary utensil upon our head; and yet, if we saw a
+gentleman walking about bare-headed, like the Ancients, we should feel
+inclined to laugh.[24] But we will rather consider the recent fashion of
+wearing expanded dresses--those extraordinary "evening bells" which,
+until lately, occupied so much public attention, and consumed so many
+tons of iron. An octogenarian who could remember the tight skirts at the
+end of Queen Charlotte's reign, and had formed his taste upon that
+model, might have laughed heartily, if not too much offended at the
+change. But by degrees, custom would have asserted its sway to such an
+extent that, although he did not approve of them, they would not provoke
+his mirth; and yet, when he saw some of the ladies re-introducing tight
+dresses, he might not be able to laugh at them, as he still retained his
+early notions with regard to their propriety. But most of us are so
+influenced by the fashion of the day in dress, that the rights of the
+case would not have prevented our laughing at the shrimp-like appearance
+of those who first tried to bring in the present reform, and perhaps
+some of the stanch supporters of the more natural style could not have
+quite maintained their gravity, had one of their antiquated ideals been
+suddenly introduced among the wide-spreading ladies of the late period.
+
+To take another illustration. It would perhaps be in accordance with our
+highest desires that instinct should approach to reason as nearly as
+possible, and that all animals should act in the most judicious and
+beneficial way. Naturalists would be inclined to agree in this, and if
+this were the view we adopted, we should not laugh at dogs showing signs
+of intelligence; neither should we at their acting irrationally,
+because experience teaches us that they are not generally guided by
+reflection. But most of us are accustomed to consider reason the
+prerogative and peculiarity of man. And if we take the view that the
+lower animals have it not, we shall be inclined to smile when any of
+them show traces of it--any such exhibition seeming out of place, and
+leading us to compare them with men. But when we are accustomed to see a
+monkey taking off his hat, or playing a tambourine, or even smoking a
+pipe, we by degrees see nothing laughable in the performance.
+
+As our emotions are only excited with reference to human affairs, some
+have thought that all laughter must refer to them. Pope says, "Laughter
+implies censure, inanimate and irrational beings are not objects of
+censure, and may, therefore, be elevated as much as you please, and no
+ridicule follows." Addison writes to the same purpose. His words
+are:--"I am afraid I shall appear too abstract in my speculations if I
+shew that when a man of wit makes us laugh, it is by betraying some
+address or infirmity in his own character, or in the representation he
+makes of others, and that when we laugh at a brute, or even at an
+inanimate thing, it is by some action or incident that bears a remote
+analogy to some blunder or absurdity in reasonable creatures." It may
+be questioned whether we always go so far as to institute this
+comparison. Ludicrous events and circumstances seem often such as the
+individuals concerned have no control over whatever, and betray no
+infirmity. When we see a failure in a work of art, do we always think of
+the artist? A lady told me last autumn that when she was walking in a
+country town with her Italian greyhound, which was dressed in a red coat
+to protect it from cold, the tradespeople and most others passed it
+without notice, or merely with a passing word of commendation; but, on
+meeting a country bumpkin, he pointed to it, burst out laughing, and
+said, "Look at that daug, why, it's all the world like a littl' oss."
+Beattie thinks that the derision is not necessarily aimed at human
+beings, and probably it is not directly, but indirectly there seems to
+be some reference to man. Léon Dumont tells us that he once laughed on
+hearing a clap of thunder; it was in winter, and it seemed out of place
+that it should occur in cold weather. There can be nothing legitimately
+ludicrous in such occurrences. But, perhaps, _lusus naturæ_ are not
+regarded as truly natural. Of course, they are really so, but not to us,
+for we have an ideal variously obtained of how Nature ought to act, and
+thus a man is able for the moment to imagine that something produced by
+Nature is not natural--just as we sometimes speak of "unnatural
+weather." But we seldom or ever laugh at such phenomena.
+
+We all have a certain resemblance to the old Athenians in wishing to
+hear something new. It generally pleases, and always impresses us.
+Novelty is in proportion to our ignorance, and can scarcely be said to
+exist at all absolutely, for although there is some change always in
+progress, it advances too slowly and certainly to produce anything
+startling or exciting. Novelty especially affects us with regard to the
+ludicrous, and some have, therefore, hastily concluded that it is
+sufficient to awaken this feeling.
+
+The strength and vividness of new emotions and impressions are
+especially traceable in their outward demonstrations. A very slight
+change occurring suddenly will often cause an ejaculation of alarm or
+admiration, especially among those of nervous temperament; but upon a
+repetition the excitement is less, and the nerves are scarcely affected.
+This peculiar law of the nervous system will account for the absence of
+laughter on the relation of any old or well-known story. Both pleasure
+and facial action are absent; but when we no longer feel the emotion of
+humour, we still have some notion that certain ideas awakened it, and
+would still do so under favourable circumstances,--that is when persons
+first conceived them. Here then we can recognise humour apart from
+novelty; but it is dead, its magic is no more. On the same principle, to
+laugh before telling a good story lessens its force, just as to break
+gradually melancholy tidings enables the recipient to bear them better.
+But nothing so effectually damps mirth as to premise that we are going
+to say something very laughable. Bacon observes, "Ipsa titillatio si
+præmoneas non magnopere in risum valet." Novelty is necessary to produce
+what Akenside felicitously calls "the gay surprise," but they are wrong
+who maintain that this is the essence of the ludicrous. An ingenious
+suggestion has been made that the reason why we cannot endure the
+repetition of a humorous story is that on a second relation the element
+of falsehood becomes too strong in proportion to that of truth. Such an
+explanation can scarcely be correct, for in many instances people would
+not be able to show what was the falsity contained. A man may often form
+a correct judgment as to the general failure of an attempt, without
+being able to show how it could be corrected. Probably after having
+heard a humorous story once we are prepared for something whimsical, and
+are therefore less affected on its repetition.
+
+We have already observed that certain emotions and states of mind are
+adverse to the ludicrous, and we now pass on to those which, like
+novelty, are favourable to it and have been at times considered elements
+of the ludicrous, but are really only concomitant and accessory. As we
+have observed, indelicacy, profanity, or a hostile joy at the downfall
+or folly of others is not in itself humorous. Pleasantry without pungent
+seasoning may be seen in those "facetious" verbal conceits which our
+American cousins, and especially "yours trooly," Artemus Ward, have been
+fond of framing. But accessory emotions are necessary to render humour
+demonstrative. They are generally unamiable, censorious, or otherwise
+offensive, perhaps in keeping with the disapproval excited by falsity.
+In some cases the two feelings of wrong are almost inextricably
+connected, but in others we can separate them without much difficulty.
+
+In the following instances the presence of an accessory emotion can
+easily be traced:--
+
+"'What have you brought me there?' asks a French publisher of a young
+author, who advances with a long roll under his arm. 'Is it a
+manuscript?' 'No, Sir,' replies the man of letters, pompously, 'a
+fortune!' 'Oh, a fortune! Take it to the publisher opposite, he is
+poorer than I am.'"
+
+(The disappointment of the author here adds considerably to our
+amusement at the ingenious answer of the publisher.)
+
+Two men, attired as a bishop and chaplain, entered one of the great
+jewellery establishments in Bond Street and asked to be shown some
+diamond rings. The bishop selected one worth a hundred pounds, but said
+he had only a fifty-pound note with him, and that he wished to take the
+ring away. The foreman took the note, and the bishop gave his address;
+but he had scarcely left when a policeman rushed in and asked where the
+two swindlers had gone. The foreman stood aghast, but said he had at
+least secured a fifty-pound note. The policeman asked to see it, and
+saying it was a flash note and that he would have it tested, left the
+shop and never returned.
+
+The amusement afforded by practical jokes is also largely dependent upon
+the discomfort of the victims. This kind of humour, happily now little
+known in this country, has been much in favour with Italian bandits, who
+occasionally unite whimsical fancy with great personal daring. A
+Piedmontese gentleman told me an instance in which two Counts, who were
+dining at an albergo, met a strange-looking man whom they took to be a
+sportsman like themselves. The conversation turned upon bandits, and the
+Counts expressed a hope that they might meet some, as they were well
+armed and would teach them a lesson. Their companion left before them,
+and walking along the road they were to take, ordered a labouring man
+whom he met to stand in an adjoining vineyard and hold up a vine-stake
+to his shoulder like a gun. As soon as the Counts' carriage came to the
+place the bandit rushed out, seized the horses, and called upon the
+Counts to deliver up their arms or he would order his men, whom they
+could see in the vineyard, to fire. The Counts not only obeyed the
+summons, but began to accuse one another of keeping something back.
+Shortly afterwards, on a doctor boasting in the same way, the bandit
+went out before him and stuck a bough in the road on which he hung a
+lantern. The doctor called out who's there? and was taking a deadly aim
+with his gun, when he was seized from behind and pinioned. The bandit
+said he should teach him a different lesson from that he deserved, and
+only deprived him of his gun.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+Nomenclature--Three Classes of Words--Distinction between Wit and
+  Humour--Wit sometimes dangerous, generally innocuous.
+
+
+The subject of which we have been treating in these volumes will suggest
+to us the logical distinctions to be drawn between three classes of
+words. First, we have those which imply that we are regarding something
+external, awakening laughter as the _ludicrous_ from _ludus_, a game,
+especially pointing to antics and gambols; the _ridiculous_ from _rideo_
+to laugh, referring to that which occasions a demonstrative movement in
+the muscles of the countenance--implying a strong emotion, often of
+contempt, and generally applied to persons, as the ludicrous is to
+circumstances; the _grotesque_ referring to strangeness in form, such as
+is seen in fantastic _grottoes_, or in the quaint figures of sylvan
+deities which the Ancients placed in them, and the _absurd_, properly
+referring to acts of people who are defective in faculties.
+
+The ludicrous is often used in philosophical works to signify a
+feeling, and our second class will contain words which may refer either
+to something external or to the mind, such as _droll_, (from the German)
+_comical_, _amusing_, and _funny_. To say "I do not see any fun in it,"
+is different from saying "I do not see any fun in him," and a man may be
+called funny, either in laudation or disparagement.
+
+In the third class we place such words as refer to the mind alone as the
+source of amusement, and under this head we may place Humour as a
+general and generic term. Raillery and sarcasm (from a Greek word "to
+tear flesh") refer especially to the expression of the feeling in
+language, and irony from its covert nature generally requires assistance
+from the voice and manner. Some words refer especially to literature,
+and never to any attacks made on present company. Of these, satire aims
+at making a man odious or ridiculous; lampoon, contemptible. Satire is
+the rapier; lampoon the broadsword, or even the cudgel--the former
+points to the heart and wounds sharply, the latter deals a dull and
+blundering blow, often falling wide of the mark. In general a different
+man selects a different weapon; the educated and refined preferring
+satire; the rude and more vulgar, lampoon--one adopting what is keen and
+precise, the other seeking rough and irrelevant accessories. But clever
+men, to gain others over to them by amusement, have sometimes taken the
+clumsier means, and while placing their victim nearer the level of the
+brutes than of humanity, have not struck so straight; for the
+improbability they have introduced has in it so much that is fantastic
+that their attack seems mostly playful, if not bordering on the
+ludicrous.
+
+Lampoon was the earliest kind of humorous invective; we have an instance
+of it in Homer's Thersites. Buffoonery differs from lampoon in being
+carried on in acting, instead of words. The latter is rather based upon
+some moral delinquency or imperfection; the former aims merely at
+amusement, and resembles burlesque in being generally optical, and
+containing little malice. Both come under the category of broad humour,
+which is excessive in accessory emotion, and in most cases deficient in
+complication. Caricature resembles them both in being often concerned
+with deformity. It appeals to the senses rather than to the emotions.
+The complication in it is never very good when it is confined to
+pictorial representation, as we may observe that without some
+explanation we should seldom know what a design was intended to portray;
+and when the word means description in writing it still retains some of
+its original reference to sight, and is concerned principally with form
+and optical similitudes.
+
+Although Wit and Humour are often used as synonymous, the fact of two
+words being in use, and the attempts which have been made to
+discriminate between them, prove that there must be a distinction in
+signification.[25] It is so fine that many able writers have failed to
+detect it. Lord Macaulay considered wit to refer to contrasts sought
+for, humour to those before our eyes--but such an explanation is not
+altogether satisfactory. Humour originally meant moisture, or any limpid
+subtle fluid, and so came to signify the disposition or turn of the
+mind--just as spirit, originally breath or wind, came to signify the
+soul of man. In Ben Jonson's time it had this signification, as in one
+of his plays entitled "Every Man in his Humour." Dispositions being very
+different, it came to signify fancy--as where Burton, author of the
+"Anatomy of Melancholy," is called humorous--and also the whimsical Sir
+W. Thornhill in the "Vicar of Wakefield"--and finally meant the feeling
+which appreciates the ludicrous, though we sometimes use the old sense
+in speaking of a good-humoured man.
+
+Wit is a Saxon word, and originally signified Wisdom--a witte was a wise
+man, and the Saxon Parliament was called the Wittenagemot. We may
+suppose that wisdom did not then so much imply learning as natural
+sagacity, and came to refer to such ingenious attempts as those in the
+Exeter Book. Here would be a basis for the later meaning, especially if
+some of the old saws came to be regarded as ludicrous, but for a long
+time afterwards wit signified talent, whether humorous or otherwise, and
+as late as Elizabeth the "wits" were often used as synonymous with
+judgment. Steele, introducing Pope's "Messiah" in the Spectator, says
+that it is written by a friend of his "who is not ashamed to employ his
+wit in the praise of of his Maker." Addison introduced the word genius,
+and the other was relegated to humorous conceits--a change no doubt
+facilitated by the short and monosyllabic form and sound. The word
+_facetus_ seems to have undergone the same transition in Latin, for
+Horace speaks of Virgil having possessed the _facetum_ in poetry.
+
+Humour may be dry--may consist of subtle inuendoes of a somewhat
+uncertain character not devoid of pleasantry, perhaps, but indistinctly
+felt, and not calculated to raise laughter. This has led some to observe
+that in contradistinction to it--"Wit is sharply defined like a
+crystal." So Mr. Dallas writes, "Wit is of the known and definite;
+humour is of the unknown and indefinable. Wit is the unexpected
+exhibition of some clearly defined contrast or disproportion; humour the
+unexpected indication of a vague discordance, in which the sense or the
+perception of ignorance is prominent." "Wit is the comedy of knowledge,
+humour of ignorance." But we must observe in opposition to this view
+that humour may be too clearly defined, as in puns or caricatures, it
+may be broad--but who ever heard of broad wit. The retort often made by
+those who have been severely hit, "You're very witty," or "You think
+you're very witty," could not be expressed by, "You're very humorous,"
+which would have neither irony nor point, not implying any pretension.
+Nothing that smells of the lamp, or refers much to particular
+experience, or second-hand information, deserves the name of wit, and
+although it may be recorded in writing, it generally implies impromptu
+speech. There seems to be a kind of inspiration in it, and we are
+inclined to regard it, like any other great advantage, as a natural
+gift. "If you have real wit," says Lord Chesterfield, "it will grow
+spontaneously, and you need not aim at it, for in that case the rule of
+the gospel is reversed and it will prove, 'Seek, and ye shall not
+find.'" Thus, we speak of a man's mother wit, _i.e._ innate, but we do
+not call a story witty, as much in it is due to circumstances, and does
+not necessarily flow from talent. To speak of a woman as "of great wit
+and beauty" is to pay a high compliment to her mental as well as
+personal charms.
+
+As wit must be always intellectual it must be in words, and hence as
+well as because it must imply impromptu talent, the comic situations of
+a farce or pantomime are not witty. When Poole represents Paul Pry as
+peeping through a gimlet hole, as attacked with a red hot poker, or
+blown out of a closet full of fireworks, and where Douglas Jerrold on
+the Bridge of Ludgate makes the innkeeper tells Charles II., in his
+disguise, all the bad stories he has heard about his Majesty, we merely
+see the humour, unless we are so far abstracted as to regard the scene
+as ludicrous. In the same way a conversation between foolish men on the
+stage may be amusing, but cannot be witty.
+
+An old stanza tells us--
+
+  "True wit is like the brilliant stone
+    Dug from the Indian mine.
+  Which boasts two various powers in one
+    To cut as well as shine."
+
+Bacon observes that those who make others afraid of their wit had need
+be afraid of others' memory. And Sterne says that there is as great a
+difference between the memory of jester and jestee as between the purse
+of the mortgager and mortgagee. Humour is fully as unamiable as wit, but
+the latter has obtained the worse character simply because it is the
+more salient of the two. There is always a jealous and ill-natured side
+to human nature which gives a semblance of truth to Rochefoucauld's
+saying that we are not altogether grieved at the misfortunes even of our
+friends; and wit often, from its point and the element of truth it
+possesses, has been used to add a sting and adhesiveness to malevolent
+attacks. Writers therefore often remind us to be sparing and circumspect
+in the use of wit, as if it were necessarily, instead of accidentally
+offensive.
+
+As an instance of the danger of wit, I may mention a case in which two
+celebrated divines, one of the "high" church, and the other of the
+"broad" church school, had been attacking and confuting one another in
+rival reviews. They met accidentally at an evening party, and the high
+churchman, who was a well-known wit, could not forbear exclaiming, as he
+grasped the other's hand, "The Augurs have met face to face"--an
+observation which, if it implied anything, must have meant that they
+were both hypocrites.
+
+Those who consider humour objectionable, have no idea of the variety of
+circumstances under which our emotions may be excited. A man may smile
+at his own misfortunes after they are over--sometimes our laughter seems
+scarcely directed against anyone, and in the most profane and indelicate
+humour there is often nothing personal.
+
+Occasionally it is too general to wound, being aimed at nations, as in
+my old friend's saying, "The French do not know what they want, and will
+never be satisfied until they get it," or it may strike at the great
+mass of mankind, as when one of the same dissatisfied nation calls
+marriage "a tiresome book with a very fine preface." There is nothing
+unamiable in Goldsmith's reflection upon the rustic simplicity of the
+villagers, when he says of the schoolmaster--
+
+    "And still the wonder grew,
+  How one small head could carry all he knew."
+
+Again, we may ask, what person can be possibly injured by most of the
+humorous stories in which our Transatlantic cousins delight, such as
+that an American, describing a severe winter said, "Why I had a cow on
+my farm up the Hudson river, and she got in among the ice, and was
+carried down three miles before we could get her out again. And what do
+you suppose has been the consequence? why, she has milked nothing but
+ice-cream ever since."
+
+How little of the humour, which is always floating around and makes life
+and society enjoyable, ever gives pain to anybody; how few men there
+really are who, as it is said, would rather lose a friend than a joke.
+Most strokes are directed against imaginary persons, it is generally
+recognised that what seems wrong to one may seem right to another, and
+no man of common honesty can deny that he has often ridiculed others for
+faults which he would have committed himself. This confession might be
+well made by the most of our humorists.
+
+But although humour should not be offensive, it would be wrong to
+consider that its proper duty is to inculcate virtue. This is no more
+its office than it is that of a novel to give sage advice, or of a poem
+to teach science. Herein Addison's excellent feelings seem to have led
+him astray, for speaking of false humour he says that "it is all one to
+it whether it exposes vice and folly, luxury and avarice, or, on the
+contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty." From what he says, we
+might conclude that true humour was that which attacks vice, and false
+that which makes against virtue. But although it is good to have a
+worthy object, this has nothing to do with the quality of humour. We
+have less enjoyment of ridicule when it is directed against a virtuous
+man, but we also feel little when the principal element in it is moral
+instruction.
+
+There is no reason why we should view laughter at what is ludicrous as
+something objectionable. The more intelligent portion of the civilised
+world is not now amused at the real sufferings or misfortunes of others.
+If a man be run over in the street, and have his leg broken, we all
+sympathise with him. But some pains which have no serious result are
+still treated with levity, such as those of a gouty foot, of the
+extraction of a tooth, or of little boys birched at school.
+
+The actions of people in pain are strange and abnormal, and sometimes
+seem unaccountable; it is not the mere suffering at which any are
+amused. We can sometimes laugh at a person, although we feel for him,
+where the incentive to mirth is much stronger than the call for
+sympathy. Still we confess that some of the old malice lingers among us,
+some skulking cruelty peeps out at intervals. Fiendish laughter has
+departed with the Middle Ages, but what delights the schoolboy more than
+the red-hot poker in the pantomime?
+
+Wit is chiefly to be recommended as a source of enjoyment; to many this
+will seem no great or legitimate object, for we cannot help drawing a
+very useful distinction between pleasure and profit. The lines,
+
+  "There are whom heaven has blessed with store of wit
+  Yet want as much again to manage it;
+  For wit and judgment ever are at strife,
+  Though meant, each others, and like man and wife,"
+
+teach us that talent of this kind may be often turned into a fruitful
+channel. The politician can by humour influence his audience; the man of
+society can make himself popular, and perhaps without this
+recommendation would never have had an opportunity of gaining his
+knowledge of the world. When by some happy turn of thought we are
+successful in raising a laugh, we seem to receive a kind of ovation, the
+more valuable because sincere. We are allowed a superiority, we have
+achieved a victory, though it may be but momentary and unimportant.
+
+In daily life our sense of the ludicrous leads us to mark many small
+errors and blemishes, which we should have overlooked had it not given
+us pleasure to notice them, and thus from observing the failures of
+others we learn to correct our own. Much that would be offensive, if not
+injurious, is thus avoided, and those little angles are removed which
+obstruct the onward course of society. A sensible man will gain more by
+being ridiculed than praised, just as adverse criticism, when judicious,
+ought to raise rather than depress. Lever remarks, with regard to
+acquiring languages, that "as the foreigner is too polite to laugh, the
+stranger has little chance to learn." A compendium of humorous sayings
+would, if rightly read, give a valuable history of our shortcomings in
+the different relations of life. Louis XII., when urged to punish some
+insolent comedian, replied, "No, no; in the course of their ribaldry
+they may sometimes tell us useful truths; let them amuse themselves,
+provided they respect the ladies."
+
+Finally, what presage can we form of the future from the experience of
+the past? We may expect the augmenting emotion in humour to become less,
+and of a more æsthetical character, indelicacy, profanity, and hostility
+have been considerably modified even since the commencement of this
+century. Humour will, by degrees, become more intellectual and more
+refined, less dependent upon the senses and passions. At some time far
+hence allusions will be greatly appreciated, the complexity of which our
+obtuser faculties would now be unable to understand. Still, as keen and
+excellent wit is a rare gift, some even of the ancient sayings will
+doubtless survive.
+
+By some, humour has been called a "morbid secretion," and its extinction
+has been foretold, but history, the only unerring guide, teaches us that
+it will increase in amount and improve in quality. Man cannot exist
+without emotion, and as we have seen various forms and subjects of
+humour successively arising, so we may be sure in future ages fresh
+fields for it will be constantly opening. When we consider how necessary
+amusement is to all, and how bounteously it has been supplied by
+Providence, we shall feel certain that man will always have beside him
+this light, which although it cannot lead as a star, can still brighten
+his path and cheer his spirits upon the pilgrimage of life.
+
+
+
+
+FOOTNOTES
+
+[1] Properly Centrones, from a Greek word signifying patchwork.
+
+[2] In which the various kinds of fish are introduced in mock heroic
+verse. It dates from the fifth century B.C.
+
+[3] About this time Addison and Bishop Attenbury first called attention
+to the beauties of Milton.
+
+[4] Ale-houses at Oxford.
+
+[5] A game at cards.
+
+[6] Haynes writes, "I have known a gentleman of another turn of humour,
+who despises the name of author, never printed his works, but contracted
+his talent, and by the help of a very fine diamond which he wore on his
+little finger, was a considerable poet on glass." He had a very good
+epigrammatic wit; and there was not a parlour or tavern window where he
+visited or dined for some years, which did not receive some sketches or
+memorials of it. It was his misfortune at last to lose his genius and
+his ring to a sharper at play, and he has not attempted to make a verse
+since.
+
+[7] This seems taken from a Spanish story.
+
+[8] Supposed to be Mrs. Manley, against whom Steele had a grudge.
+
+[9] He was buried in Portugal Street graveyard, but was removed in 1853
+on the erection of the new buildings of King's College Hospital.
+
+[10] Smollett, of whom we shall speak in the next chapter, published
+before Sterne, though a younger man.
+
+[11] Dodsley was never averse from having a hit at the church, as in the
+epigram:
+
+  "Cries Sylvia to a reverend dean
+     What reason can be given,
+   Since marriage is a holy thing,
+     That there are none in heaven?
+
+  "'There are no women,' he replied,
+     She quick returns the jest,
+   'Women there are, but I'm afraid
+     They cannot find a priest.'"
+
+
+
+[12] There was a considerable amount of humour in it. Among the articles
+offered for sale in the toy-shop is, "the least box that ever was seen
+in England," in which nevertheless, "a courtier may deposit his
+sincerity, a lawyer may screw up his honesty, and a poet may hoard up
+his money."
+
+[13] This introduction to popularity reminds us of the poet Lover, who
+would never have been so well known had not Madame Vestris, when in want
+of a comic song, selected "Rory O'More," which afterwards became so
+famous. The celebrated enigma on the letter H was also produced by a
+suggestion accidentally made overnight, and developed before morning by
+Miss Fanshawe into beautiful lines formerly ascribed to Byron.
+
+[14] A girl, who had been unfortunate in love.
+
+[15] Byron showed his love of humour even in some of these early
+effusions, speaking of his college he says:
+
+  "Our choir would scarcely be excused,
+    Even as a band of raw beginners:
+  All mercy, now, must be refused
+    To such a set of croaking sinners.
+  If David, when his toils were ended
+    Had heard these blockheads sing before him,
+  To us his psalms had ne'er descended;
+    In furious mood, he would have tore 'em."
+
+
+
+[16] The saying "He that fights and runs away, shall live to fight
+another day," is as old as the days of Menander.
+
+[17] Beattie was unfortunate in selecting Molière for his comparison,
+for his humour is especially that of situation and can be tolerably well
+understood by a foreigner.
+
+[18] Thus we speak of "fried ice" or "ice with the chill off."
+
+[19] It may be observed that as men's perceptions of humour are
+different, so in the expression of them there is a character about
+laughter in accordance with its subject, and with the person from whom
+it comes.
+
+[20] This term seems the nearest, though not quite accurate.
+
+[21] Ruskin observes that the smile on the lips of the Apollo Belvedere
+is inconsistent with divinity.
+
+[22] The false generalisations of childhood are well represented by
+Dickens when, in "Great Expectations," he makes Pip discover a singular
+affinity between seeds and corduroys. "Mr. Pumblechook wore corduroys,
+and so did his shopman, and somehow there was a general air and flavour
+about the corduroys so much in the nature of seeds, and such a general
+air and flavour about the seeds in the nature of corduroys that I hardly
+knew which was which."
+
+[23] Critias was one of the thirty tyrants who condemned him.
+
+[24] That the present style of men's dress is unbecoming strikes us
+forcibly when we see it reproduced in statues, where we are not used to
+it.
+
+[25] Cicero uses two corresponding words cavillatio and dicacitas, the
+former signifying continuous, the latter aphoristic humour.
+
+
+END.
+
+
+London: Printed by A. Schulze, 13 Poland Street.
+
+
+
+***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2
+(OF 2)***
+
+
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+<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2), by
+Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange</h1>
+<pre>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre>
+<p>Title: History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2)</p>
+<p>Author: Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange</p>
+<p>Release Date: July 25, 2006  [eBook #18906]</p>
+<p>Language: English</p>
+<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p>
+<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2 (OF 2)***</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h3>E-text prepared by Barbara Tozier, Bill Tozier, Janet Blenkinship,<br />
+    and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br />
+    (http://www.pgdp.net/)</h3>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="10" style="background-color: #ccccff;">
+  <tr>
+    <td>
+       <p>Transcriber's note:<br />
+       <br />
+	   The astute reader will notice there is no Chapter XV in the
+	   Table of Contents or in the text. This was a printer's error
+	   in the original book.  The chapters were incorrectly numbered,
+	   but no chapter was missing. This e-book has been transcribed
+	   to match the original.</p>
+    </td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+<h1>HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR</h1>
+
+<h4>WITH AN</h4>
+
+<h3>INTRODUCTION UPON ANCIENT HUMOUR.</h3>
+
+<h4>BY THE</h4>
+
+<h2>REV. A. G. L'ESTRANGE,</h2>
+
+<h4>AUTHOR OF</h4>
+
+<h4>"THE LIFE OF THE REV. WILLIAM HARNESS,"<br />
+"FROM THE THAMES TO THE TAMAR,"<br />
+ETC.</h4>
+
+<h3>IN TWO VOLUMES.<br />
+VOL. II.</h3>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+<p class='center'>LONDON:<br />
+HURST AND BLACKETT, PUBLISHERS,<br />
+13, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET.<br />
+1878.<br />
+<i>All rights reserved.</i></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+<h3>OF</h3>
+<h2>THE SECOND VOLUME.<br /><br /></h2>
+
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="1" width="80%" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents">
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER I.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Burlesque--Parody--The "Splendid Shilling"--Prior--Pope--Ambrose</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Philips--Parodies of Gray's Elegy--Gay</td><td align='left'><a href='#Page_1'><b>1</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER II.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Defoe--Irony--Ode to the Pillory--The "Comical Pilgrim"--The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Scandalous Club"--Humorous Periodicals--Heraclitus</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Ridens--The London Spy--The British Apollo</td><td align='left'><a href='#Page_22'><b>22</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER III.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Swift--"Tale of a Tub"--Essays--Gulliver's Travels--Variety</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>of Swift's Humour--Riddles--Stella's Wit--Directions</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>for Servants--Arbuthnot</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_44'><b>44</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER IV.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Steele--The Funeral--The Tatler--Contributions of Swift--Of</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Addison--Expansive Dresses--"Bodily Wit"--Rustic</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Obtuseness--Crosses in Love--Snuff-taking</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_62'><b>62</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER V.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Spectator--The Rebus--Injurious Wit--The Everlasting</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Club--The Lovers' Club--Castles in the Air--The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Guardian--Contributions by Pope--"The Agreeable</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Companion"--The Wonderful Magazine--Joe Miller--Pivot</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Humour</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_77'><b>77</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER VI.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sterne--His Versatility--Dramatic Form--Indelicacy--Sentiment</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>and Geniality--Letters to his Wife--Extracts</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>from his Sermons--Dr. Johnson</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_99'><b>99</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER VII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Dodsley--"A Muse in Livery"--"The Devil's a Dunce"--"The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Toy Shop"--Fielding--Smollett</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_113'><b>113</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER VIII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Cowper--Lady Austen's Influence--"John Gilpin"--"The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Task"--Goldsmith--"The Citizen of the World"--Humorous</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Poems--Quacks--Baron Münchausen</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_127'><b>127</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER IX.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Anti-Jacobin--Its Objects and Violence--"The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Friends of Freedom"--Imitation of Latin Lyrics--The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Knife Grinder"--The "Progress of Man"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_141'><b>141</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER X.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Wolcott--Writes against the Academicians--Tales of a</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Hoy--"New Old Ballads"--"The Sorrows of Sunday"--Ode</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>to a Pretty Barmaid--Sheridan--Comic Situations--"The</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Duenna"--Wits</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_150'><b>150</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XI.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Southey--Drolls of Bartholomew Fair--The "Doves"--Typographical</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Devices--Puns--Poems of Abel Shufflebottom</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_164'><b>164</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lamb--His Farewell to Tobacco--Pink Hose--On the</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Melancholy of Tailors--Roast Pig</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_175'><b>175</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XIII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Byron--Vision of Judgment--Lines to Hodgson--Beppo--Humorous</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Rhyming--Profanity of the Age</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_184'><b>184</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XIV.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Theodore Hook--Improvisatore Talent--Poetry--Sydney</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Smith--The "Dun Cow"--Thomas Hood--Gin--Tylney</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Hall--John Trot--Barham's Legends</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_196'><b>196</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XVI.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Douglas Jerrold--Liberal Politics--Advantages of Ugliness--Button</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Conspiracy--Advocacy of Dirt--The "Genteel</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Pigeons"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_207'><b>207</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XVII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Thackeray--His Acerbity--The Baronet--The Parson--Medical</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Ladies--Glorvina--"A Serious Paradise"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_216'><b>216</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XVIII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Dickens--Sympathy with the Poor--Vulgarity--Geniality--Mrs.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Gamp--Mixture of Pathos and Humour--Lever</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>and Dickens compared--Dickens' power of Description--General</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Remarks</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_226'><b>226</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XIX.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Variation--Constancy--Influence of Temperament--Of</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Observation--Bulls--Want of Knowledge--Effects</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>of Emotion--Unity of the Sense of the Ludicrous</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_241'><b>241</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XX.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Definition--Difficulties of forming one of Humour</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_276'><b>276</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XXI.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Charm of Mystery--Complication--Poetry and Humour</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>compared--Exaggeration</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_285'><b>285</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XXII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Imperfection--An Impression of Falsity implied--Two</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Views taken by Philosophers--Firstly that of Voltaire,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Jean Paul, Brown, the German Idealists, Léon Dumont,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and Dugald</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Stewart--Whately on Jests--Nature of Puns--Effect of</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Custom and Habit--Accessory Emotion--Disappointment</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>and Loss--Practical Jokes</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_307'><b>307</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHAPTER XXIII.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2">&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Nomenclature--Three Classes of Words--Distinction between</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Wit and Humour--Wit sometimes dangerous,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>generally innocuous</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_339'><b>339</b></a></td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><br /><br /></p>
+<h2>HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR.</h2>
+<p><br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p class='center'>Burlesque&mdash;Parody&mdash;The "Splendid Shilling"&mdash;Prior&mdash;Pope&mdash;Ambrose
+Philips&mdash;Parodies of Gray's Elegy&mdash;Gay.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Burlesque, that is comic imitation, comprises parody and caricature. The
+latter is a valuable addition to humorous narrative, as we see in the
+sketches of Gillray, Cruikshank and others. By itself it is not
+sufficiently suggestive and affords no story or conversation. Hence in
+the old caricatures the speeches of the characters were written in
+balloons over their heads, and in the modern an explanation is added
+underneath. For want of such assistance we lose the greater part of the
+humour in Hogarth's paintings.</p>
+
+<p>We may date the revival of Parody from the fifteenth century, although
+Dr. Johnson speaks as though it originated with Philips. Notwithstanding
+the great scope it affords for humorous invention, it has never become
+popular, nor formed an important branch of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span> literature; perhaps, because
+the talent of the parodist always suffered from juxtaposition with that
+of his original. In its widest sense parody is little more than
+imitation, but as we should not recognise any resemblance without the
+use of the same form, it always implies a similarity in words or style.
+Sometimes the thoughts are also reproduced, but this is not sufficient,
+and might merely constitute a summary or translation. The closer the
+copy the better the parody, as where Pope's lines</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Here shall the spring its earliest sweets bestow</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here the first roses of the year shall blow,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>were applied by Catherine Fanshawe to the Regent's Park with a very
+slight change&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Here shall the spring its earliest coughs bestow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here the first noses of the year shall blow."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But all parody is not travesty, for a writing may be parodied without
+being ridiculed. This was notably the case in the Centones,<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> Scripture
+histories in the phraseology of Homer and Virgil, which were written by
+the Christians in the fourth century, in order that they might be able
+to teach at once classics and religion. From the pious object for which
+they were first designed, they degenerated into fashionable exercises of
+ingenuity, and thus we find the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span> Emperor Valentinian composing some on
+marriage, and requesting, or rather commanding Ausonius to contend with
+him in such compositions. They were regarded as works of fancy&mdash;a sort
+of literary embroidery.</p>
+
+<p>It may be questioned whether any of these parodies were intended to
+possess humour; but wherever we find such as have any traces of it, we
+may conclude that the imitation has been adopted to increase it. This
+does not necessarily amount to travesty, for the object is not always to
+throw contempt on the original. Thus, we cannot suppose "The Battle of
+the Frogs and Mice," or "The Banquet of Matron,"<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> although written in
+imitation of the heroic poetry of Homer, was intended to make "The
+Iliad" appear ridiculous, but rather that the authors thought to make
+their conceits more amusing, by comparing what was most insignificant
+with something of unsurpassable grandeur. The desire to gain influence
+from the prescriptive forms of great writings was the first incentive to
+parody. We cannot suppose that Luther intended to be profane when he
+imitated the first psalm&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>"Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the way of the
+Sacramentarians, not sat in the seat of the Zuinglians, or followed
+the counsel of the Zurichers."</p></div>
+
+<p>Probably Ben Jonson saw nothing objectionable in the quaintly whimsical
+lines in Cynthia's Revels&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Amo.</i> From Spanish shrugs, French faces, smirks, irps,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">and all affected humours.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><i>Chorus.</i> Good Mercury defend us.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Pha.</i> From secret friends, sweet servants, loves, doves,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">and such fantastique humours.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><i>Chorus.</i> Good Mercury defend us.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The same charitable allowance may be conceded to the songs composed by
+the Cavaliers in the Civil War. We should not be surprised to find a
+tone of levity in them, but they were certainly not intended to throw
+any discredit on our Church. In "The Rump, or an exact collection of the
+choicest poems and songs relating to the late times from 1639" we have
+"A Litany for the New Year," of which the following will serve as a
+specimen&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"From Rumps, that do rule against customes and laws</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From a fardle of fancies stiled a good old cause,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From wives that have nails that are sharper than claws,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 8em;">Good Jove deliver us."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Among the curious tracts collected by Lord Somers we find a "New
+Testament of our Lords and Saviours, the House of our Lords and
+Saviours, the House of Commons, and the Supreme Council at Windsor." It
+gives "The Genealogy of the Parliament" from the year<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> 1640 to 1648, and
+commences "The Book of the Generation of Charles Pim, the son of Judas,
+the son of Beelzebub," and goes on to state in the thirteenth verse that
+"King Charles being a just man, and not willing to have the people
+ruinated, was minded to dissolve them, (the Parliament), but while he
+thought on these things. &amp;c."</p>
+
+<p>Of the same kind was the parody of Charles Hanbury Williams at the
+commencement of the last century, "Old England's Te Deum"&mdash;the character
+of which may be conjectured from the first line</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"We complain of Thee, O King, we acknowledge thee to be a
+Hanoverian."</p></div>
+
+<p>Sometimes parodies of this kind had even a religious object, as when Dr.
+John Boys, Dean of Canterbury in the reign of James I., in his zeal,
+untempered with wisdom, attacked the Romanists by delivering a form of
+prayer from the pulpit commencing&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Our Pope which art in Rome, cursed be thy name,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>and ending,</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For thine is the infernal pitch and sulphur for ever and ever. Amen."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>"The Religious Recruiting Bill" was written with a pious intention, as
+was also the Catechism<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> by Mr. Toplady, a clergyman, aimed at throwing
+contempt upon Lord Chesterfield's code of morality. It is almost
+impossible to draw a hard and fast line between travesty and harmless
+parody&mdash;the feelings of the public being the safest guide. But to
+associate Religion with anything low is offensive, even if the object in
+view be commendable.</p>
+
+<p>Some parodies of Scripture are evidently not intended to detract from
+its sanctity, as, for instance, the attack upon sceptical philosophy
+which lately appeared in an American paper, pretending to be the
+commencement of a new Bible "suited to the enlightenment of the age,"
+and beginning&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Primarily the unknowable moved upon kosmos and evolved protoplasm.</p>
+
+<p>"And protoplasm was inorganic and undifferentiated, containing all
+things in potential energy: and a spirit of evolution moved upon
+the fluid mass.</p>
+
+<p>"And atoms caused other atoms to attract: and their contact begat
+light, heat, and electricity.</p>
+
+<p>"And the unconditioned differentiated the atoms, each after its
+kind and their combination begat rocks, air, and water.</p>
+
+<p>"And there went out a spirit of evolution and working in protoplasm
+by accretion and absorption produced the organic cell.</p>
+
+<p>"And the cell by nutrition evolved primordial germ, and germ
+devolved protogene, and protogene begat eozoon and eozoon begat
+monad and monad begot animalcule ..."</p></div>
+
+<p>We are at first somewhat at a loss to understand what made the "Splendid
+Shilling" so celebrated: it is called by Steele the finest burlesque in
+the English language. Although<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> far from being, as Dr. Johnson asserts,
+the first parody, it is undoubtedly a work of talent, and was more
+appreciated in 1703 than it can be now, being recognised as an imitation
+of Milton's poems which were then becoming celebrated.<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a> Reading it at
+the present day, we should scarcely recognise any parody; but blank
+verse was at that time uncommon, although the Italians were beginning to
+protest against the gothic barbarity of rhyme, and Surrey had given in
+his translation of the first and fourth books of Virgil a specimen of
+the freer versification.</p>
+
+<p>Meres says that "Piers Plowman was the first that observed the true
+quality of our verse without the curiositie of rime" but he was not
+followed.</p>
+
+<p>The new character of the "Splendid Shilling" caused it to bring more
+fame to its author than has been gained by any other work so short and
+simple. It was no doubt an inspiration of the moment, and was written by
+John Philips at the age of twenty. There is considerable freshness and
+strength in the poem, which commences&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Happy the man, who void of cares and strife</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">In silken or in leathern purse retains</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A splendid shilling: he nor hears with pain</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But with his friends, when nightly mists arise</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To Juniper's Magpie or Town Hall<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> repairs.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Meanwhile he smokes and laughs at merry tale,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or pun ambiguous or conumdrum quaint;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But I, whom griping penury surrounds,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hunger sure attendant upon want,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With scanty offals, and small acid tiff</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Wretched repast!) my meagre corps sustain:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then solitary walk or doze at home</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In garret vile, and with a warming puff.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Regale chilled fingers, or from tube as black</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As winter chimney, or well polished jet</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He goes on to relate how he is besieged by duns, and what a chasm there
+is in his "galligaskins." He wrote very little altogether, but produced
+a piece called "Blenheim," and a sort of Georgic entitled "Cyder."</p>
+
+<p>Prior, like many other celebrated men, partly owed his advancement to an
+accidental circumstance. He was brought up at his uncle's tavern "The
+Rummer," situate at Charing Cross&mdash;then a kind of country suburb of the
+city, and adjacent to the riverside mansions and ornamental gardens of
+the nobility. To this convenient inn the neighbouring magnates were wont
+to resort, and one day in accordance with the classic proclivities of
+the times, a hot dispute, arose among them about the rendering of a
+passage in Horace. One of those present said<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> that as they could not
+settle the question, they had better ask young Prior, who then was
+attending Westminster School. He had made good use of his opportunities,
+and answered the question so satisfactorily that Lord Dorset there and
+then undertook to send him to Cambridge. He became a fellow of St.
+John's, and Lord Dorset afterwards introduced him at Court, and obtained
+for him the post of secretary of Legation at the Hague, in which office
+he gave so much satisfaction to William III. that he made him one of his
+gentlemen of the bed chamber. He became afterwards Secretary of the Lord
+Lieutenant of Ireland, Ambassador in France, and Under Secretary of
+State.</p>
+
+<p>During his two year's imprisonment by the Whigs on a charge of high
+treason&mdash;from which he was liberated without a trial&mdash;he prepared a
+collection of his works, for which he obtained a large sum of money. He
+then retired from office, but died shortly afterwards in his
+fifty-eighth year.</p>
+
+<p>Prior is remarkable for his exquisite lightness and elegance of style,
+well suited to the pretty classical affectations of the day. He delights
+in cupids, nymphs, and flowers. In two or three places, perhaps, he
+verges upon indelicacy, but conceals it so well among feathers and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> rose
+leaves, that we may half pardon it. Although always sprightly he is not
+often actually humorous, but we may quote the following advice to a
+husband from the "English Padlock"</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Be to her virtues very kind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And to her faults a little blind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let all her ways be unconfined,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And clap your padlock on her mind."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Yes; ev'ry poet is a fool;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By demonstration Ned can show it;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Happy could Ned's inverted rule,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Prove ev'ry fool to be a poet."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"How old may Phyllis be, you ask,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose beauty thus all hearts engages?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To answer is no easy task,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For she has really two ages.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Stiff in brocade and pinched in stays,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her patches, paint, and jewels on:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">All day let envy view her face,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Phyllis is but twenty-one.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Paint, patches, jewels, laid aside,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At night astronomers agree,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The evening has the day belied,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Phyllis is some forty-three."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Helen was just slipt from bed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her eyebrows on the toilet lay,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Away the kitten with them fled,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As fees belonging to her prey."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For this misfortune, careless Jane,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Assure yourself, was soundly rated:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Madam getting up again,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With her own hand the mouse-trap baited.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"On little things as sages write,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Depends our human joy or sorrow;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If we don't catch a mouse to-night,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Alas! no eyebrows for to-morrow."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He wrote the following impromptu epitaph on himself<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Nobles and heralds by your leave,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here lies what once was Matthew Prior,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The son of Adam and of Eve,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can Bourbon or Nassau go higher."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But he does not often descend to so much levity as this, his wing is
+generally in a higher atmosphere. Sir Walter Scott observes that in the
+powers of approaching and touching the finer feelings of the heart, he
+has never been excelled, if indeed he has ever been equalled.</p>
+
+<p>Prior wrote a parody called "Erle Robert's Mice," but Pope is more
+prolific than any other poet in such productions. His earlier taste
+seems to have been for imitation, and he wrote good parodies on Waller
+and Cowley, and a bad travesty on Spencer. "January and May" and "The
+Wife of Bath" are founded upon Chaucer's Tales. Pope did not generally
+indulge in travesty, his object was not to ridicule his original, but
+rather to assist himself by borrowing its style. His productions are the
+best examples of parodies in this latter and better sense. Thus, he
+thought to give a classic air to his satires on the foibles of his time
+by arranging them upon the models of those of Horace. In his imitation
+of the second Satire of the second Book we have&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"He knows to live who keeps the middle state,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And neither leans on this side nor on that,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor stops for one bad cork his butler's pay,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Swears, like Albutius, a good cook away,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor lets, like N&aelig;vius, every error pass,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The musty wine, foul cloth, or greasy glass."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>There is a slight amount of humour in these adaptations, and it seems to
+have been congenial to the poets mind. Generally he was more turned to
+philosophy, and the slow measures he adopted were more suited to the
+dignified and pompous, than to the playful and gay. Occasionally,
+however, there is some sparkle in his lines, and, we read in "The Rape
+of the Lock"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Now love suspends his golden scales in air,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Weighs the men's wits against the lady's hair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The doubtful beam long nods from side to side,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At length the wits mount up, the hairs subside."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Again, his friend Mrs. Blount found London rather dull than gay&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"She went to plain work and to purling brooks,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Old-fashioned halls, dull aunts, and croaking rooks,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She went from opera, park, assembly, play,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To morning walks and prayers three hours a day,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To part her time 'twixt reading and bohea,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To muse and spill her solitary tea,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or o'er cold coffee trifle with a spoon,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Count the slow clock, and dine exact at noon,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Divert her eyes with pictures in the fire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hum half a tune, tell stories to the Squire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Up to her Godly garret after seven,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There starve and pray&mdash;for that's the way to Heaven."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He was seldom able to bring a humorous sketch to the close without
+something a little objectionable. Often inclined to err on the side of
+severity, he was one of those instances in which we find acrimonious
+feeling associated with physical infirmity. "The Dunciad" is the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>
+principal example of this, but we have many others&mdash;such as the epigram:</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"You beat your pate and fancy wit will come,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Knock as you please, there's nobody at home."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>At one time he was constantly extolling the charms of Lady Wortley
+Montagu in every strain of excessive adulation. He wrote sonnets upon
+her, and told her she had robbed the whole tree of knowledge. But when
+the ungrateful fair rejected her little crooked admirer, he completely
+changed his tone, and descended to lampoon of this kind&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Lady Mary said to me, and in her own house,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I do not care for you three skips of a louse;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I forgive the dear creature for what she has said,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For ladies will talk of what runs in their head."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He is supposed to have attacked Addison under the name of Atticus. He
+says that "like the Turk he would bear no brother near the throne," but
+that he would</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"View him with scornful, yet with jealous eyes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hate for arts that caused himself to rise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And with our sneering teach the rest to sneer;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Willing to wound and yet afraid to strike,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just hint a fault and hesitate dislike,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Alike reserved to blame or to commend,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A tim'rous foe, and a suspicious friend,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Dreading e'en fools, by flatterers besieged,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And so obleeging that he ne'er obleeged."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Pope at first praised Ambrose Philips, and said he was "a man who could
+write very nobly," but afterwards they became rivals, and things went so
+far between them that Pope called<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> Philips "a rascal," and Philips hung
+up a rod with which he said he would chastise Pope. He probably had
+recourse to this kind of argument, because he felt that he was worsted
+by his adversary in wordy warfare, having little talent in satire. In
+fact, his attempts in this direction were particularly clumsy as&mdash;"On a
+company of bad dancers to good music."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"How ill the motion with the music suits!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So Orpheus fiddled, and so danced the brutes."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Still there is a gaiety and lightness about many of his pieces. The
+following is a specimen of his favourite style. Italian singers, lately
+introduced, seem to have been regarded by many with disfavour and alarm.<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;" class="smcap"><b>To Signora Cuzzoni.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Little syren of the stage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Charmer of an idle age,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Empty warbler, breathing lyre,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wanton gale of fond desire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bane of every manly art,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet enfeebler of the heart;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O! too pleasing is thy strain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hence, to southern climes again,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tuneful mischief, vocal spell,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To this island bid farewell,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Leave us, as we ought to be,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Leave the Britons rough and free."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>To parody a work is to pay it a compliment, though perhaps
+unintentionally, for if it were not well known the point of the
+imitation would be lost. Thus, the general appreciation of Gray's
+"Elegy" called forth several<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> humorous parodies of it about the middle
+of the last century. The following is taken from one by the Rev. J.
+Duncombe, Vicar of Bishop Ridley's old church at Herne in Kent. It is
+entitled "An Evening Contemplation in a College."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The curfew tolls the hour of closing gates,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With jarring sound the porter turns the key,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then in his dreamy mansion, slumbering waits,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And slowly, sternly quits it&mdash;though for me.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Now shine the spires beneath the paly moon,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And through the cloister peace and silence reign,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Save where some fiddler scrapes a drowsy tune,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or copious bowls inspire a jovial strain.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Save that in yonder cobweb-mantled room,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where lies a student in profound repose,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oppressed with ale; wide echoes through the gloom,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The droning music of his vocal nose.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Within those walls, where through the glimmering shade,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Appear the pamphlets in a mouldering heap,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Each in his narrow bed till morning laid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The peaceful fellows of the college sleep.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The tinkling bell proclaiming early prayers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The noisy servants rattling o'er their head,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The calls of business and domestic cares,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ne'er rouse these sleepers from their drowsy bed.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"No chattering females crowd the social fire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No dread have they of discord and of strife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Unknown the names of husband and of sire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Unfelt the plagues of matrimonial life.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oft have they basked along the sunny walls,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oft have the benches bowed beneath their weight,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How jocund are their looks when dinner calls!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How smoke the cutlets on their crowded plate!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oh! let not Temperance too disdainful hear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How long their feasts, how long their dinners last;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor let the fair with a contemptuous sneer,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On these unmarried men reflections cast.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Far from the giddy town's tumultuous strife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Their wishes yet have never learned to stray,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Content and happy in a single life,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They keep the noiseless tenor of their way.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"E'en now their books, from cobwebs to protect,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Inclosed by door of glass, in Doric style,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On polished pillars raised with bronzes decked,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Demand the passing tribute of a smile."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Another parody of this famous Elegy published about the same date, has a
+less pleasant subject&mdash;the dangers and vices of the metropolis. It
+speaks of the activities of thieves.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oft to their subtlety the fob did yield,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Their cunning oft the pocket string hath broke,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How in dark alleys bludgeons did they wield!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How bowed the victim 'neath their sturdy stroke!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Let not ambition mock their humble toil,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Their vulgar crimes and villainy obscure;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor rich rogues hear with a disdainful smile,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The low and petty knaveries of the poor.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Beneath the gibbet's self perhaps is laid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some heart once pregnant with infernal fire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hands that the sword of Nero might have swayed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And midst the carnage tuned the exulting lyre.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Ambition to their eyes her ample page</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Rich with such monstrous crimes did ne'er unroll,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chill penury repressed their native rage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And froze the bloody current of their soul.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Full many a youth, fit for each horrid scene,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The dark and sooty flues of chimneys bear;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Full many a rogue is born to cheat unseen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And dies unhanged for want of proper care."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Gay dedicated his first poem to Pope, then himself a young man, and this
+led to an intimacy between them. In 1712 he held the office of Secretary
+to Ann, Duchess of Monmouth; and in 1714 he accompanied the Earl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> of
+Clarendon to Hanover. In this year he wrote a good travesty of Ambrose
+Philips' pastoral poetry, of which the following is a specimen&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Lobbin Clout.</i> As Blouzelinda, in a gamesome mood,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Behind a hayrick loudly laughing stood,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I slily ran and snatched a hasty kiss;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She wiped her lips, nor took it much amiss.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Believe me, Cuddy, while I'm bold to say,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her breath was sweeter than the ripened hay.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Cuddy.</i> As my Buxoma in a morning fair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With gentle finger stroked her milky care,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I quaintly stole a kiss; at first, 'tis true,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She frowned, yet after granted one or two.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lobbin, I swear, believe who will my vow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her breath by far excelled the breathing cow.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Lobbin.</i> Leek to the Welsh, to Dutchmen butter's dear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of Irish swains potato is the cheer,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oats for their feasts the Scottish shepherds grind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet turnips are the food of Blouzelind;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While she loves turnips, butter I'll despise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor leeks, nor oatmeal, nor potato prize.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Cuddy.</i> In good roast beef my landlord sticks his knife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And capon fat delights his dainty wife;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pudding our parson eats, the squire loves hare,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But white-pot thick is my Buxoma's fare;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While she loves white-pot, capon ne'er shall be</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor hare, nor beef, nor pudding, food for me.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The following is not without point at the present day&mdash;<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;" class="smcap"><b>To a Lady on her Passion for Old China.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What ecstasies her bosom fire!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How her eyes languish with desire!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How blessed, how happy, should I be,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Were that fond glance bestowed on me!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">New doubts and fears within me war,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What rival's here? A China jar!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">China's the passion of her soul,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A cup, a plate, a dish, a bowl,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can kindle wishes in her breast,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Inflame with joy, or break her rest.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p>
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Husbands more covetous than sage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Condemn this China-buying rage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They count that woman's prudence little,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who sets her heart on things so brittle;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But are those wise men's inclinations</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fixed on more strong, more sure foundations?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If all that's frail we must despise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No human view or scheme is wise.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Gay's humour is often injured by the introduction of low scenes, and
+disreputable accompaniments.</p>
+
+<p>"The Dumps," a lament of a forlorn damsel, is much in the same style as
+the Pastorals. It finishes with these lines&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Farewell ye woods, ye meads, ye streams that flow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A sudden death shall rid me of my woe,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This penknife keen my windpipe shall divide,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What, shall I fall as squeaking pigs have died?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No&mdash;to some tree this carcase I'll suspend;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But worrying curs find such untimely end!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'll speed me to the pond, where the high stool,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On the long plank hangs o'er the muddy pool,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That stool, the dread of every scolding queen:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet sure a lover should not die, so mean!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thus placed aloft I'll rave and rail by fits,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though all the parish say I've lost my wits;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thence, if courage holds, myself I'll throw,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And quench my passion in the lake below."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He published in 1727 "The Beggar's Opera," the idea had been suggested
+by Swift. This is said to have given birth to the English Opera&mdash;the
+Italian having been already introduced here. This opera, or musical
+play, brought out by Mr. Rich, was so renumerative that it was a common
+saying that it made "Rich gay, and Gay rich."</p>
+
+<p>In "The Beggar's Opera" the humour turns<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> on Polly falling in love with
+a highwayman. Peachum gives an amusing account of the gang. Among them
+is Harry Paddington&mdash;"a poor, petty-larceny rascal, without the least
+genius; that fellow, though he were to live these six months would never
+come to the gallows with any credit&mdash;and Tom Tipple, a guzzling, soaking
+sot, who is always too drunk to stand, or make others stand. A cart is
+absolutely necessary for him." Peachum, and his wife lament over their
+daughter Polly's choice of Captain Macheath. There are numerous songs,
+such as that of Mrs. Peachum beginning&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Our Polly is a sad slut! nor heeds what we have taught her,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I wonder any man alive will ever rear a daughter."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Polly, contemplating the possibility of Macheath's being hanged
+exclaims&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Now, I'm a wretch indeed. Methinks, I see him already in the cart,
+sweeter and more lovely than the nosegay in his hand! I hear the
+crowd extolling his resolution and intrepidity! What volleys of
+sighs are sent down from the windows of Holborn, that so comely a
+youth should be brought to disgrace. I see him at the tree! the
+whole circle are in tears! even butchers weep! Jack Ketch himself
+hesitates to perform his duty, and would be glad to lose his fee by
+a reprieve. What then will become of Polly?"</p></div>
+
+<p>To Macheath</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Were you sentenced to transportation, sure, my dear, you could not
+leave me behind you?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><i>Mac.</i> "Is there any power, any force, that could tear thee from me.
+You might sooner tear a pension out of the hands of a courtier, a
+fee from a lawyer, a pretty woman from a looking-glass, or any
+woman from quadrille."<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a></p></div>
+
+<p>Gay may have taken his idea of writing fables from Dryden whose
+classical reading tempted him in two or three instances to indulge in
+such fancies. They were clever and in childhood appeared humorous to us,
+but we have long ceased to be amused by them, owing to their excessive
+improbability. Such ingenuity seems misplaced, we see more absurdity
+than talent in representing a sheep as talking to a wolf. To us fables
+now present, not what is strange and difficult of comprehension, but
+mentally fanciful folly. In some few instances in La Fontaine and Gay,
+the wisdom of the lessons atones for the strangeness of their garb, and
+the peculiarity of the dramatis person&aelig; may tend to rivet them in our
+minds. There is something also fresh and pleasant in the scenes of
+country life which they bring before us. But the taste for such conceits
+is irrevocably gone, and every attempt to revive it, even when
+recommended by such ingenuity and talent as that of Owen Meredith, only
+tends to prove the fact more incontestably.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> In Russia, a younger nation
+than ours, the fables of Kriloff had a considerable sale at the
+beginning of this century, but they had a political meaning.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Defoe&mdash;Irony&mdash;Ode to the Pillory&mdash;The "Comical Pilgrim"&mdash;The "Scandalous
+Club"&mdash;Humorous Periodicals&mdash;Heraclitus Ridens&mdash;The London Spy&mdash;The
+British Apollo.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Defoe was born in 1663, and was the son of a butcher in St. Giles'. He
+first distinguished himself by writing in 1699 a poetical satire
+entitled "The True Born Englishman," in honour of King William and the
+Dutch, and in derision of the nobility of this country, who did not much
+appreciate the foreign court. The poem abounded with rough and rude
+sarcasm. After giving an uncomplimentary description of the English, he
+proceeds to trace their descent&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"These are the heroes that despise the Dutch</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And rail at new-come foreigners so much,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Forgetting that themselves are all derived</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From the most scoundrel race that ever lived;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A horrid race of rambling thieves and drones</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who ransacked kingdoms and dispeopled towns;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Pict and painted Briton, treacherous Scot,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By hunger, theft, and rapine hither brought;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Norwegian pirates, buccaneering Danes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose red-haired offspring everywhere remains;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who joined with Norman-French compound the breed</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">From whence your true-born Englishmen proceed.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Dutch, Walloons, Flemings, Irishmen, and Scots,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Vaudois, and Valtolins and Huguenots,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In good Queen Bess's charitable reign,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Supplied us with three hundred thousand men;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Religion&mdash;God we thank! sent them hither,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Priests, protestants, the devil, and all together."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The first part concludes with a view of the low origin of some of our
+nobles.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Innumerable city knights we know</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From Bluecoat hospitals and Bridewell flow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Draymen and porters fill the City chair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And footboys magisterial purple wear.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fate has but very small distinction set</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Betwixt the counter and the coronet.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tarpaulin lords, pages of high renown</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Rise up by poor men's valour, not their own;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Great families of yesterday we show</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And lords, whose parents were the Lord knows who."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>So much keen and clever invective levelled at the higher classes of
+course had its reward in a wide circulation; but we are surprised to
+hear that the King noticed it with favour; the author was honoured with
+a personal interview, and became a still stronger partizan of the court.
+Defoe called the "True Born Englishman",</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 8em;">"A contradiction</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In speech an irony, in fact a fiction;"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>and we may observe that he was particularly fond of an indirect and
+covert style of writing. He thought that he could thus use his weapons
+to most advantage, but his disguise was seen through by his enemies as
+well as by his friends. Irony&mdash;the stating the reverse of what is meant,
+whether good or bad&mdash;is often resorted to by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> those treading on
+dangerous ground, and admits of two very different interpretations. It
+is especially ambiguous in writing, and should be used with caution.
+Defoe's "Shortest Way with the Dissenters" was first attributed to a
+High Churchman, but soon was recognised as the work of a Dissenter. He
+explained that he intended the opposite of what he had said, and was
+merely deprecating measures being taken against his brethren; but his
+enemies considered that his real object was to exasperate them against
+the Government. Even if taken ironically, it hardly seemed venial to
+call furiously for the extermination of heretics, or to raise such
+lamentation as, "Alas! for the Church of England! What with popery on
+one hand, and schismatics on the other, how has she been crucified
+between two thieves!" Experience had not then taught that it was better
+to let such effusions pass for what they were worth, and Defoe was
+sentenced to stand in the pillory, and suffer fine and imprisonment He
+does not seem to have been in such low spirits as we might have expected
+during his incarceration, for he employed part of his time in composing
+his "Hymn to the Pillory,"</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Hail hieroglyphic state machine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Contrived to punish fancy in:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Men that are men in thee can feel no pain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all thy insignificants disdain."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He continues in a strong course of invective against certain persons
+whom he thinks really worthy of being thus punished, and proceeds&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"But justice is inverted when</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Those engines of the law,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Instead of pinching vicious men</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Keep honest ones in awe:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy business is, as all men know,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To punish villains, not to make men so.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Whenever then thou art prepared</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To prompt that vice thou shouldst reward,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And by the terrors of thy grisly face,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Make men turn rogues to shun disgrace;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The end of thy creation is destroyed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Justice expires of course, and law's made void.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Thou like the devil dost appear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Blacker than really thou art far,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A wild chimeric notion of reproach</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Too little for a crime, for none too much,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let none the indignity resent,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For crime is all the shame of punishment.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thou bugbear of the law stand up and speak</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy long misconstrued silence break,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tell us who 'tis upon thy ridge stands there</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So full of fault, and yet so void of fear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And from the paper on his hat,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let all mankind be told for what."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>These lines refer to his own condemnation, and the piece concludes,&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Tell them the men who placed him here</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Are friends unto the times,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But at a loss to find his guile</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They can't commit his crimes."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Defoe seems to have thoroughly imbibed the ascetic spirit of his
+brethren. He was fond of denouncing social as well as political
+vanities. The "Comical Pilgrim" contains a considerable amount of coarse
+humour, and in one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> place the supposed cynic inveighs against the drama,
+and describes the audience at a theatre&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The audience in the upper gallery is composed of lawyers, clerks,
+valets-de-chambre, exchange girls, chambermaids, and skip-kennels, who
+at the last act are let in gratis in favour to their masters being
+benefactors to the devil's servants. The middle gallery is taken up by
+the middling sort of people, as citizens, their wives and daughters, and
+other jilts. The boxes are filled with lords and ladies, who give money
+to see their follies exposed by fellows as wicked as themselves. And the
+pit, which lively represents the pit of hell, is crammed with those
+insignificant animals called beaux, whose character nothing but wonder
+and shame can compose; for a modern beau, you must know, is a pretty,
+neat, fantastic outside of a man, a well-digested bundle of costly
+vanities, and you may call him a volume of methodical errata bound in a
+gilt cover. He's a curiously wrought cabinet full of shells and other
+trumpery, which were much better quite empty than so emptily filled.
+He's a man's skin full of profaneness, a paradise full of weeds, a
+heaven full of devils, a Satan's bedchamber hung with arras of God's own
+making. He can be thought no better than a Promethean man; at best but a
+lump of animated dust kneaded<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> into human shape, and if he has only such
+a thing as a soul it seems to be patched up with more vices than are
+patches in a poor Spaniard's coat. His general employment is to scorn
+all business, but the study of the modes and vices of the times, and you
+may look upon him as upon the painted sign of a man hung up in the air,
+only to be tossed to and fro with every wind of temptation and vanity."</p>
+
+<p>It would appear that servants had in his day many of the faults which
+characterise some of them at present. In "Everybody's Business is
+Nobody's Business" we have an amusing picture of the over-dressed maid
+of the period.</p>
+
+<p>"The apparel," he says, "of our women-servants should be next regulated,
+that we may know the mistress from the maid. I remember I was once put
+very much to the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him required
+to salute the ladies. I kissed the chamber-jade into the bargain, for
+she was as well dressed as the best. But I was soon undeceived by a
+general titter, which gave me the utmost confusion; nor can I believe
+myself the only person who has made such a mistake."</p>
+
+<p>Again "I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with
+idle compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not
+regarded her mistress in the least, but put<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> on all the flirting airs
+imaginable. This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as in
+taverns, coffee houses, and places of public resort, where there are
+handsome barkeepers, &amp;c. These creatures being puffed up with the
+fulsome flattery of a set of flies, which are continually buzzing about
+them, carry themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable&mdash;insomuch
+that you must speak to them with the utmost deference, or you are sure
+to be affronted. Being at a coffee-house the other day, where one of
+these ladies kept the bar, I bespoke a dish of rice tea, but Madam was
+so taken up with her sparks that she quite forgot it. I spoke for it
+again, and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting
+manner, not without a toss of the head, a contraction of the nostrils,
+and other impertinences, too many to enumerate. Seeing myself thus
+publickly insulted by such an animal, I could not choose but show my
+resentment. 'Woman,' said I sternly, 'I want a dish of rice tea, and not
+what your vanity and impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a
+gentleman and a customer, and serve me with what I call for. Keep your
+impertinent repartees and impudent behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm
+round your bar, and make you so vain of your blown carcass.' And indeed,
+I believe the insolence of this<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> creature will ruin her master at last,
+by driving away men of sobriety and business, and making the place a den
+of vagabonds."</p>
+
+<p>In July, 1704, Defoe commenced a periodical which he called a "Review of
+the Affairs of France." It appeared twice, and afterwards three times a
+week. From the introduction, we might conclude that the periodical,
+though principally containing war intelligence, would be partly of a
+humorous nature. He says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"After our serious matters are over, we shall at the end of every paper
+present you with a little diversion, as anything occurs to make the
+world merry; and whether friend or foe, one party or another, if
+anything happens so scandalous as to require an open reproof, the world
+may meet with it there. Accordingly at the end of every paper we find
+'Advice for the Scandalous Club: A weekly history of Nonsense,
+Impertinence, Vice, and Debauchery.'" This contained a considerable
+amount of indelicacy, and the humour was too much connected with
+ephemeral circumstances of the times to be very amusing at the present
+day. The Scandalous Club was a kind of Court of Morals, before whom all
+kinds of offences were brought for judgment, and it also settled
+questions on love affairs in a very judicious manner. Some of the advice
+is prompted by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> letters asking for it, but it is probable that they were
+mostly fictitious and written by Defoe himself. Many of the shafts in
+this Review were directed against magistrates, and other men in
+authority. Thus we read in April 18, 1704:</p>
+
+<p>"An honest country fellow made a complaint to the Club that he had been
+set in the stocks by the Justice of the Peace without any manner of
+reason. He told them that he happened to get a little drunk one night at
+a fair, and being somewhat quarrelsome, had beaten a man in his
+neighbourhood, broke his windows, and two or three such odd tricks.
+'Well, friend,' said the Director of the Society, 'and was it for this
+the Justice set you in the stocks?' 'Yes!' replied the man. 'And don't
+you think you deserved it?' said the Director. 'Why, yes, Sir,' says the
+honest man; 'I had deserved it from you, if you had been the Justice,
+but I did not deserve it from Sir Edward&mdash;for it was not above a month
+before that he was so drunk that he fell into our mill-pond, and if I
+had not lugged him out he would have been drowned.' The Society told him
+he was a knave, and then voted 'that the Justice had done him no wrong
+in setting him in the stocks&mdash;but that he had done the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> nation wrong
+when he pulled him out of the pond,' and caused it to be entered in
+their books&mdash;'That Sir Edward was but an indifferent Justice of the
+Peace.'"</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes religious subjects are touched upon. The following may be
+interesting at the present day&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"There happened a great and bloody fight this week, (July 18th 1704),
+between two ladies of quality, one a Roman Catholic, the other a
+Protestant; and as the matter had come to blows, and beauty was
+concerned in the quarrel, having been not a little defaced by the
+rudeness of the scratching sex, the neighbours were called in to part
+the fray, and upon debate the quarrel was referred to the Scandalous
+Club. The matter was this:</p>
+
+<p>"The Roman Catholic lady meets the Protestant lady in the Park, and
+found herself obliged every time she passed her to make a reverent
+curtsey, though she had no knowledge of her or acquaintance with her.
+The Protestant lady received it at first as a civility, but afterwards
+took it for a banter, and at last for an affront, and sends her woman to
+know the meaning of it. The Catholic lady returned for answer that she
+did not make her honours to the lady, for she knew no respect she
+deserved, but to the diamond cross she wore about her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> neck, which she,
+being a heretic, did not deserve to wear. The Protestant lady sent her
+an angry message, and withal some reflecting words upon the cross
+itself, which ended the present debate, but occasioned a solemn visit
+from the Catholic lady to the Protestant, where they fell into grievous
+disputes; and one word followed another till the Protestant lady offered
+some indignities to the jewel, took it from her neck and set her foot
+upon it&mdash;which so provoked the other lady that they fell to blows, till
+the waiting-women, having in vain attempted to part them, the footmen
+were fain to be called in. After they were parted, they ended the battle
+with their other missive weapon, the tongue&mdash;and there was all the
+eloquence of Billingsgate on both sides more than enough. At last, by
+the advice of friends it was, as is before noted, brought before the
+Society."</p>
+
+<p>The judgment was that for a Protestant to wear a cross was a
+"ridiculous, scandalous piece of vanity"&mdash;that it should only be worn in
+a religious sense, and with due respect, and is not more fitting to be
+used as an ornament than "a gibbet, which, worn about the neck, would
+make but a scurvy figure."</p>
+
+<p>Most of the stories show the democratic tendencies of the writer, for
+instance<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"A poor man's cow had got into a rich man's corn, and he put her into
+the pound; the poor man offered satisfaction, but the rich man insisted
+on unreasonable terms, and both went to the Justice of the Peace. The
+Justice advised the man to comply, for he could not help him; at last
+the rich man came to this point; he would have ten shillings for the
+damage. 'And will you have ten shillings,' says the poor man, 'for six
+pennyworth of damage?' 'Yes, I will,' says the rich man. 'Then the devil
+will have you,' says the poor man. 'Well,' says the rich man, 'let the
+devil and I alone to agree about that, give me the ten shillings.'"</p>
+
+<p>"A gentleman came with a great equipage and a fine coach to the Society,
+and desired to be heard. He told them a long story of his wife; how
+ill-natured, how sullen, how unkind she was, and that in short she made
+his life very uncomfortable. The Society asked him several questions
+about her, whether she was</p>
+
+<p>"Unfaithful?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.</p>
+
+<p>"A thief?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.</p>
+
+<p>"A Slut?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.</p>
+
+<p>"A scold?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.</p>
+
+<p>"A drunkard?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"A Gossip?&nbsp;&nbsp; No.</p>
+
+<p>"But still she was an ill wife, and very bad wife, and he did not know
+what to do with her. At last one of the Society asked him, 'If his
+worship was a good husband,' at which being a little surprised, he could
+not tell what to say. Whereupon the Club resolved,</p>
+
+<p>"1. That most women that are bad wives are made so by their husbands. 2.
+That this Society will hear no complaint against a virtuous bad wife
+from a vicious good husband. 3. He that has a bad wife and can't find
+the reason of it in her, 'tis ten to one that he finds it in himself."</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes correspondents ask advice as to which of several lovers they
+should choose. The following applicants have a different grievances.</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen.&mdash;There are no less than sixty ladies of us, all neighbours,
+dwelling in the same village, that are now arrived at those years at
+which we expect (if ever) to be caressed and adored, or, at least
+flattered. We have often heard of the attempts of whining lovers; of the
+charming poems they had composed in praise of their mistresses' wit and
+beauty (tho' they have not had half so much of either of them as the
+meanest in our company), of the passions of their love, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> that death
+itself had presently followed upon a denial. But we find now that the
+men, especially of our village, are so dull and lumpish, so languid and
+indifferent, that we are almost forced to put words into their mouths,
+and when they have got them they have scarce spirit to utter them. So
+that we are apt to fear it will be the fate of all of us, as it is
+already of some, to live to be old maids. Now the thing, Gentlemen, that
+we desire of you is, that, if possible, you would let us understand the
+reason why the case is so mightily altered from what it was formerly;
+for our experience is so vastly different from what we have heard, that
+we are ready to believe that all the stories we have heard of lovers and
+their mistresses are fictions and mere banter."</p>
+
+<p>The case of these ladies is indeed to be pitied, and the Society have
+been further informed that the backwardness or fewness of the men in
+that town has driven the poor ladies to unusual extremities, such as
+running out into the fields to meet the men, and sending their maids to
+ask them; and at last running away with their fathers' coachmen,
+prentices, and the like, to the particular scandal of the town.</p>
+
+<p>The Society concluded that the ladies should leave the village "famous
+for having more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> coaches than Christians in it," as a learned man once
+took the freedom to tell them "from the pulpit" and go to market,
+<i>i.e.</i>, to London.</p>
+
+<p>The "Advice of the Scandalous Club" was discontinued from May, 1703.</p>
+
+<p>Although we cannot say that Defoe carried his sword in a myrtle wreath,
+he certainly owed much of his celebrity to his insinuating under
+ambiguous language the boldest political opinions. He was fond of
+literary whimsicalities, and wrote a humorous "History," referring
+mostly to the events of the times. Towards the end of his career, he
+happily turned his talent for disguises and fictions into a quieter and
+more profitable direction. How many thousands remember him as the author
+of "Robinson Crusoe" who never heard a word about his jousts and
+conflicts, his animosities and misfortunes!</p>
+
+<p>The last century, although adorned by several celebrated wits, was less
+rich in humour than the present. Literature had a grave and pedantic
+character, for where there was any mental activity, instruction was
+sought almost to the exclusion of gaiety. It required a greater spread
+of education and experience to create a source of superior humour, or to
+awaken any considerable demand for it. Hence, although<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> the taste was so
+increased that several periodicals of a professedly humorous nature were
+started, they disappeared soon after their commencement. To record their
+brief existence is like writing the epitaphs of the departed. Towards
+the termination of the previous century, comic literature was
+represented by an occasional fly-sheet, shot off to satirize some
+absurdity of the day. The first humorous periodical which has come to
+our knowledge, partakes, as might have been expected, of an
+ecclesiastical character and betokens the severity of the times. It
+appeared in 1670, under the title of "Jesuita Vapulans, or a Whip for
+the Fool's Back, and a Gad for his Foul Mouth." The next seems to have
+been a small weekly paper called "Heraclitus Ridens," published in 1681.
+It was mostly directed against Dissenters and Republicans; and in No. 9,
+we have a kind of Litany commencing:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"From Commonwealth, Cobblers and zealous State Tinkers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From Speeches and Expedients of Politick Blinkers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From Rebellion, Taps, and Tapsters, and Skinkers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Libera Nos.</span><br />
+</p>
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"From Papists on one hand, and Phanatick on th' other,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From Presbyter Jack, the Pope's younger brother,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Congregational Daughters, far worse than their Mother,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Libera Nos."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>In the same year appeared "Hippocrates Ridens," directed against quacks
+and pretenders<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> to physic, who seem then to have been numerous. The
+contents of these papers were mostly in dialogue&mdash;a form which seems to
+have been approved, as it was afterwards adopted in similar
+publications. These papers do not seem to have been written by
+contributors from the public, but by one or two persons, and this, I
+believe, was the case with all the periodicals of this time, and one
+cause of their want of permanence&mdash;the periodical was not carried on by
+an editor, but by its author.</p>
+
+<p>The "London Spy" appeared in 1699, and went through eighteen monthly
+parts. Any one who wishes to find a merry description of London manners
+at the end of the seventeenth century, cannot look in a better place. It
+was written by Edward (Ned) Ward, author of an indifferent narrative
+entitled "A Trip to Jamaica;" but he must have possessed considerable
+observation and talent. A man who proposes to visit and unmask all the
+places of resort, high and low in the metropolis, could not have much
+refinement in his nature, but at the present day we cannot help
+wondering how a work should have been published and bought, containing
+so much gross language.</p>
+
+<p>Under the character of a countryman who has come up to see the world, he
+gives us some amusing glimpses of the metropolis, for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> instance. He goes
+to dine with some beaux at a tavern, and gives the following description
+of the entertainment:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"As soon as we came near the bar, a thing started up all ribbons,
+lace, and feathers, and made such a noise with her bell and her
+tongue together, that had half-a-dozen paper-mills been at work
+within three yards of her, they'd have signified no more to her
+clamorous voice than so many lutes to a drum, which alarmed two or
+three nimble-heel'd fellows aloft, who shot themselves downstairs
+with as much celerity as a mountebank's Mercury upon a rope from
+the top of a church-steeple, every one charged with a mouthful of
+'coming! coming!' This sudden clatter at our appearance so
+surprised me that I looked as silly as a bumpkin translated from
+the plough-tail to the play-house, when it rains fire in the
+tempest, or when Don John's at dinner with the subterranean
+assembly of terrible hobgoblins. He that got the start and first
+approached us of these greyhound-footed emissaries, desir'd us to
+walk up, telling my companion his friends were above; then with a
+hop, stride and jump, ascended the stair-head before us, and from
+thence conducted us to a spacious room, where about a dozen of my
+schoolfellow's acquaintances were ready to receive us. Upon our
+entrance they all started up, and on a suddain screwed themselves
+into so many antick postures, that had I not seen them first erect,
+I should have query'd with myself, whether I was fallen into the
+company of men or monkeys.</p>
+
+<p>"This academical fit of riggling agility was almost over before I
+rightly understood the meaning on't, and found at last they were
+only showing one another how many sorts of apes' gestures and fops'
+cringes had been invented since the French dancing-masters
+undertook to teach our English gentry to make scaramouches of
+themselves; and how to entertain their poor friends, and pacifie
+their needy creditors with compliments and congies. When every
+person with abundance of pains had shown the ultimate of his
+breeding, contending about a quarter of an hour who should sit down
+first, as if we waited the coming of some herauld to fix us in our
+proper places, which with much difficulty being at last agreed on,
+we proceed to a whet of old hock to sharpen our appetites to our
+approaching dinner; though I confess my stomach was as keen already
+as a greyhound's to his supper after a day's coursing, or a miserly
+livery-man's, who had fasted three days to prepare himself for a
+Lord Mayor's feast. The honest cook<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> gave us no leisure to tire our
+appetites by a tedious expectancy; for in a little time the cloth
+was laid, and our first course was ushered up by the <i>dominus
+factotum</i> in great order to the table, which consisted of two
+calves'-heads and a couple of geese. I could not but laugh in my
+conceit to think with what judgment the caterer had provided so
+lucky an entertainment for so suitable a company. After the
+victuals were pretty well cooled, in complimenting who should begin
+first, we all fell to; and i'faith I found by their eating, they
+were no ways affronted by their fare; for in less time than an old
+woman could crack a nut, we had not left enough to dine the
+bar-boy. The conclusion of our dinner was a stately Cheshire
+cheese, of a groaning size, of which we devoured more in three
+minutes than a million of maggots could have done in three weeks.
+After cheese comes nothing; then all we desired was a clear stage
+and no favour; accordingly everything was whipped away in a trice
+by so cleanly a conveyance, that no juggler by virtue of Hocus
+Pocus could have conjured away balls with more dexterity. All our
+empty plates and dishes were in an instant changed into full quarts
+of purple nectar and unsullied glasses. Then a bumper to the Queen
+led the van of our good wishes, another to the Church Established,
+a third left to the whimsie of the toaster, till at last their
+slippery engines of verbosity coined nonsense with such a facil
+fluency, that a parcel of alley-gossips at a christening, after the
+sack had gone twice round, could not with their tattling tormentors
+be a greater plague to a fumbling godfather, than their lame jest
+and impertinent conundrums were to a man of my temper. Oaths were
+as plenty as weeds in an alms-house garden.</p>
+
+<p>"The night was spent in another tavern in harmony, the songs being
+such as:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+"Musicks a crotchet the sober think vain,<br />
+The fiddle's a wooden projection,<br />
+Tunes are but flirts of a whimsical brain,<br />
+Which the bottle brings best to perfection:<br />
+Musicians are half-witted, merry and mad,<br />
+The same are all those that admire 'em,<br />
+They're fools if they play unless they're well paid,<br />
+And the others are blockheads to hire 'em."<br />
+</p></div>
+
+<p>Perhaps the most interesting account is that of St. Paul's
+Cathedral&mdash;then in progress. We all know that it was nearly fifty years
+in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> building, but have not perhaps been aware of all the causes of the
+delay:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Thence we turned through the west gate of St. Paul's Churchyard,
+where we saw a parcel of stone-cutters and sawyers so very hard at
+work, that I protest, notwithstanding the vehemency of their
+labour, and the temperateness of the season, instead of using their
+handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat off their faces, they were most of
+them blowing their nails. 'Bless me!' said I to my friend, 'sure
+this church stands in a colder climate than the rest of the nation,
+or else those fellows are of a strange constitution to seem ready
+to freeze at such warm exercise.' 'You must consider,' says my
+friend, 'this is work carried on at a national charge, and ought
+not to be hastened on in a hurry; for the greater reputation it
+will gain when it's finished will be, "That it was so many years in
+building."' From thence we moved up a long wooden bridge that led
+to the west porticum of the church, where we intermixed with such a
+train of promiscuous rabble that I fancied we looked like the
+beasts driving into the ark in order to replenish a new succeeding
+world....</p>
+
+<p>"We went a little farther, where we observed ten men in a corner,
+very busie about two men's work, taking as much care that everyone
+should have his due proportion of the labour, as so many thieves in
+making an exact division of their booty. The wonderful piece of
+difficulty, the whole number had to perform, was to drag along a
+stone of about three hundred weight in a carriage in order to be
+hoisted upon the moldings of the cupula, but were so fearful of
+dispatching this facile undertaking with too much expedition, that
+they were longer in hauling on't half the length of the church,
+than a couple of lusty porters, I am certain, would have been
+carrying it to Paddington, without resting of their burthen.</p>
+
+<p>"We took notice of the vast distance of the pillars from whence
+they turn the cupula, on which, they say, is a spire to be erected
+three hundred feet in height, whose towering pinnacle will stand
+with such stupendous loftiness above Bow Steeple dragon or the
+Monument's flaming urn, that it will appear to the rest of the Holy
+Temples like a cedar of Lebanon, among so many shrubs, or a Goliath
+looking over the shoulders of so many Davids."</p></div>
+
+<p>"The British Apollo, or curious Amusements for the Ingenious, performed
+by a Society<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> of Gentlemen;" appeared in 1708, and seems to have been a
+weekly periodical, and to have been soon discontinued. The greater part
+of it consisted of questions and answers. Information was desired on all
+sorts of abstruse and absurd points&mdash;some scriptural, others referring
+to natural philosophy, or to matters of social interest.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Question.</i> Messieurs. Pray instruct your Petitioner how he shall
+go away for the ensuing Long Vacation, having little liberty, and
+less money. <span style="margin-left: 6em;">Yours, </span><span class="smcap">Solitary</span>.</p>
+
+<p><i>Answer.</i> Study the virtues of patience and abstinence. A right
+judgment in the theory may make the practice more agreeable.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ques.</i> Gentlemen. I desire your resolution of the following
+question, and you will oblige your humble servant, Sylvia. Whether
+a woman hath not a right to know all her husband's concerns, and in
+particular whether she may not demand a sight of all the letters he
+receives, which if he denies, whether she may not open them
+privately without his consent?</p>
+
+<p><i>Ans.</i> Gently, gently, good nimble-fingered lady, you run us out of
+breath and patience to trace your unexampled ambition. What! break
+open your husband's letters! no, no; that privilege once granted,
+no chain could hold you; you would soon proceed to break in upon
+his conjugal affection, and commit a burglary upon the cabinet of
+his authority. But to be serious, although a well-bred husband
+would hardly deny a wife the satisfaction of perusing his familiar
+letters, we can noways think it prudent, much less his duty, to
+communicate all to her; since most men, especially such as are
+employed in public affairs, are often trusted with important
+secrets, and such as no wife can reasonably pretend to claim
+knowledge of.</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Ques.</i> Apollo say,<br />
+Whence 'tis I pray,<br />
+The ancient custom came,<br />
+Stockins to throw<br />
+(I'm sure you know,)<br />
+At bridegroom and dame?<br />
+<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span><i>Ans.</i> When Britons bold<br />
+Bedded of old,<br />
+Sandals were backward thrown,<br />
+The pair to tell,<br />
+That ill or well,<br />
+The act was all their own.<br />
+<br />
+<i>Ques.</i> Long by Orlinda's precepts did I move,<br />
+Nor was my heart a foe or slave to love,<br />
+My soul was free and calm, no storm appeared,<br />
+While my own sex my love and friendship shared;<br />
+The men with due respect I always used,<br />
+And proffered hearts still civilly refused.<br />
+This was my state when young Alexis came<br />
+With all the expressions of an ardent flame,<br />
+He baffles all the objections I can make,<br />
+And slights superior matches for my sake;<br />
+Our humour seem for one another made,<br />
+And all things else in equal ballance laid;<br />
+I love him too, and could vouchsafe to wear<br />
+The matrimonial hoop, but that I fear<br />
+His love should not continue, cause I'm told,<br />
+That women sooner far than men grow old;<br />
+I, by some years, am eldest of the two,<br />
+Therefore, pray Sirs, advise me what to do.<br />
+<br />
+<i>Ans.</i> If 'tis your age alone retards your love,<br />
+You may with ease that groundless fear remove;<br />
+For if you're older, you are wiser too,<br />
+Since few in wit must hope to equal you.<br />
+You may securely, therefore, crown a joy,<br />
+Not all the plagues of Hymen can destroy,<br />
+For tho' in marriage some unhappy be,<br />
+They are not, sure, so fair, so wise as thee.<br />
+</p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Swift&mdash;"Tale of a Tub"&mdash;Essays&mdash;Gulliver's Travels&mdash;Variety of Swift's
+Humour&mdash;Riddles&mdash;Stella's Wit&mdash;Directions for Servants&mdash;Arbuthnot.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>The year 1667 saw the birth of Swift, one of the most highly gifted and
+successful humorists any country ever produced. A bright fancy runs like
+a vein of gold through nearly all his writings, and enriches the wide
+and varied field upon which he enters. He says of himself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Swift had the sin of wit, no venial crime;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nay, 'tis affirmed he sometimes dealt in rhyme:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Humour and mirth had place in all he writ,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He reconciled divinity and wit."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Whether religion, politics, social follies, or domestic peculiarities
+come before him, he was irresistibly tempted to regard them in a
+ludicrous point of view. He observes&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"It is my peculiar case to be often under a temptation to be witty,
+upon occasions where I could be neither wise nor sound, nor
+anything to the matter in hand."</p></div>
+
+<p>This general tendency was the foundation of his fortunes, and gained him
+the favour of Sir William Temple, and of such noblemen as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> Berkeley,
+Oxford, and Bolingbroke. They could nowhere find so pleasant a
+companion, for his natural talent was improved by cultivation, and it is
+when humour is united with learning&mdash;a rare combination&mdash;that it attains
+its highest excellence. There was much classical erudition at that day,
+and it was exhibited by men of letters in their ordinary conversation in
+a way which would appear to us pedantic. Thus many of Swift's best
+sayings turned on an allusion to some ancient author, as when speaking
+of the emptiness of modern writers, who depend upon compilations and
+digressions for filling up a treatise "that shall make a very comely
+figure on a bookseller's shelf, there to be preserved neat and clean for
+a long eternity, never to be thumbed or greased by students: but when
+the fulness of time is come, shall happily undergo the trial of
+purgatory in order to ascend the sky." He continues:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"From such elements as these I am alive to behold the day, wherein
+the corporation of authors can outvie all its brethren in the
+guild. A happiness derived to us, with a great many others, from
+our Scythian ancestors, among whom the number of pens was so
+infinite that Grecian eloquence had no other way of expressing it
+than by saying that in the regions of the north it was hardly
+possible for a man to travel&mdash;the very air was so replete with
+feathers."</p></div>
+
+<p>The above is taken from the "Tale of a Tub" published in 1704, but never
+directly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> owned by him. At the commencement of it he says that,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Wisdom is a fox, who after long hunting will at last cost you the
+pains to dig out; it is a cheese which, by how much the richer, has
+the thicker, the homelier, and the coarser coat; and whereof to a
+judicious palate the maggots are the best; it is a sack posset,
+wherein the deeper you go you will find it the sweeter. Wisdom is a
+hen, whose cackling we must value and consider, because it is
+attended with an egg, but then, lastly, it is a nut, which unless
+you choose with judgment may cost you a tooth, and pay you with
+nothing but a worm."</p></div>
+
+<p>He attacks indiscriminately the Pope, Luther, and Calvin. Of the first
+he says&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I have seen him, Peter, in his fits take three old high-crowned
+hats, and clap them all on his head three story high, with a huge
+bunch of keys at his girdle, and an angling rod in his left hand.
+In which guise, whoever went to take him by the hand in the way of
+salutation, Peter with much grace, like a well educated spaniel,
+would present them with his foot; and if they refused his civility,
+then he would raise it as high as their chaps, and give them a
+damned kick in the mouth, which has ever since been called a
+salute."</p></div>
+
+<p>He also ridicules Transubstantiation, representing Peter as asking his
+brothers to dine, and giving them a loaf of bread, and insisting that it
+was mutton.</p>
+
+<p>In the history of Martin Luther&mdash;a continuation of the "Tale of a Tub,"
+he represents Queen Elizabeth as "setting up a shop for those of her own
+farm, well furnished with powders, plasters, salves, and all other drugs
+necessary, all right and true, composed according to receipts made by
+physicians and apothecaries of her own creating, which they extracted<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>
+out of Peter's, Martin's, and Jack's receipt books; and of this muddle
+and hodge-podge made up a dispensary of their own&mdash;strictly forbidding
+any other to be used, and particularly Peter's, from whom the greater
+part of this new dispensatory was stolen."</p>
+
+<p>At the conclusion of the "Tale of a Tub," he says, "Among a very polite
+nation in Greece there were the same temples built and consecrated to
+Sleep and the Muses, between which two deities they believed the
+greatest friendship was established. He says he differs from other
+writers in that he shall be too proud, if by all his labours he has any
+ways contributed to the repose of mankind in times so turbulent and
+unquiet."</p>
+
+<p>It is evident from this work, as from the "Battle of the Books," "The
+Spider and the Bee," and other of his writings, that Allegory was still
+in high favour.</p>
+
+<p>Swift first appeared as a professed author in 1708, when he wrote
+against astrologers, and prophetic almanack-makers, called
+philomaths&mdash;then numerous, but now only represented by Zadkiel. This
+Essay was one of those, which gave rise to "The Tatler." He wrote about
+the same time, "An argument against Christianity"&mdash;an ironical way of
+rebuking the irreligion of the time<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"It is urged that there are by computation in this kingdom above
+ten thousand persons, whose revenues added to those of my lords the
+bishops, would suffice to maintain two hundred young gentlemen of
+wit and pleasure, and freethinking,&mdash;enemies to priestcraft, narrow
+principles, pedantry, and prejudices; who might be an ornament to
+the court and town; and then again, so great a body of able
+(bodied) divines might be a recruit to our fleet and armies."</p>
+
+<p>"Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity is
+the clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and
+consequently the kingdom one seventh less in trade, business, and
+pleasure; besides the loss to the public of so many stately
+structures, now in the hands of the clergy, which might be
+converted into play-houses, market-houses, exchanges, common
+dormitories, and other public edifices. I hope I shall be forgiven
+a hard word, if I call this a perfect <i>cavil</i>. I readily own there
+has been an old custom, time out of mind, for people to assemble in
+the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still frequently
+shut, in order, as it is conceived, to preserve the ancient
+practice, but how they can be a hindrance to business or pleasure
+it is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced one
+day in the week to game at home instead of in the chocolate houses?
+Are not the taverns and coffee-houses open? Is not that the chief
+day for traders to sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers
+to prepare their briefs.... But I would fain know how it can be
+contended that the churches are misapplied? Where more care to
+appear in the foremost box with greater advantage of dress. Where
+more meetings for business, where more bargains are driven, and
+where so many conveniences and enticements to sleep?"</p>
+
+<p>"I am very sensible how much the gentlemen of wit and pleasure are
+apt to murmur, and be choked at the sight of so many draggle-tailed
+parsons, who happen to fall in their way and offend their eyes; but
+at the same time, these wise reformers do not consider what an
+advantage and felicity it is for great wits to be always provided
+with objects of scorn and contempt, in order to exercise and
+improve their talents, and divert their spleen from falling on each
+other, or on themselves; especially, when all this may be done
+without the least imaginable danger to their persons."</p>
+
+<p>"And to add another argument of a parallel nature&mdash;if<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span> Christianity
+were once abolished, how could the free-thinkers, the strong
+reasoners, and the men of profound learning be able to find another
+subject so calculated in all points, whereon to display their
+abilities? What wonderful productions of wit should we be deprived
+of, from those whose genius, by continual practice, has been wholly
+turned upon raillery and invectives against religion, and would,
+therefore never be able to shine or distinguish themselves upon any
+other subject! We are daily complaining of the great decline of Wit
+among us, and would we take away the greatest, perhaps the only
+topic we have left? Who would ever have suspected Asgil for a wit,
+and Toland for a philosopher, if the inexhaustible supply of
+Christianity had not been at hand to provide them with materials?
+What other subject through all Art and Nature could have produced
+Tindal for a profound author, and furnished him with readers? It is
+the wise choice of the subject, which alone adorns and
+distinguishes the writer. For had a hundred such pens as these been
+employed on the side of religion, they would have sunk into silence
+and oblivion."</p></div>
+
+<p>Pope claims to have shadowed forth such a work as Gulliver's Travels in
+the Memoirs of Martin Scriblerus; but Swift, no doubt, took the idea
+from Lucian's "True History." He was also indebted to Philostratus, who
+speaks of an army of pigmies attacking Hercules. Something may also have
+been gathered from Defoe's minuteness of detail; and he made use of all
+these with a master-hand to improve and increase the fertile resources
+of his own mind. Swift produced the work, by which he will always
+survive, and be young. In the voyage to Lilliput he depreciates the
+court and ministers of George I., by comparing them to something
+insignificantly small: in the voyage to Brobdingnag by likening them to
+something grand and noble. But the immortality of the work<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> owes nothing
+to such considerations but everything to humour and fancy, especially to
+the general satire upon human vanity. "The Emperor of Lilliput is taller
+by almost the breadth of my nail than any of his Court, which alone is
+enough to strike awe into beholders."</p>
+
+<p>In the Honyhuhums, the human race is compared to the Yahoos, and placed
+in a loathsome and ridiculous light. They are represented as most
+irrational creatures, frequently engaged in wars or acrimonious disputes
+as to whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh, whether it be better to
+kiss a post or throw it into the fire, and what is the best colour of a
+coat!&mdash;referring to religious disputes between Catholics and
+Protestants. He says, that among the Yahoos, "It is a very justifiable
+cause of war to invade the country after the people have been wasted by
+famine, destroyed by pestilence, or embroiled by factions among
+themselves." With regard to internal matters, "there is a society of men
+among us, bred up from youth in the art of proving by words multiplied
+for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as
+they are paid. In this society all the rest of the people are slaves."</p>
+
+<p>Swift's humour, as has been already intimated,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> by no means confined
+itself to being a mere vehicle of instruction. It luxuriated in a
+hundred forms, and on every passing subject. He wrote verses for great
+women, and for those who sold oysters and herrings, as well as apples
+and oranges. The flying leaves, so common at that time, contained a
+great variety of squibs and parodies written by him. Here, for instance
+is a travesty of Ambrose Philips' address to Miss Carteret&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Happiest of the spaniel race</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Painter, with thy colours grace,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Draw his forehead large and high,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Draw his blue and humid eye,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Draw his neck, so smooth and round,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Little neck, with ribbons bound,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the spreading even back,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Soft and sleek, and glossy black,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the tail that gently twines</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like the tendrils of the vines,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the silky twisted hair</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shadowing thick the velvet ear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Velvet ears, which hanging low</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O'er the veiny temples flow ..."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He could scarcely stay at an inn without scratching something humorous
+on the window pane. At the Four Crosses in the Wading Street Road,
+Warwickshire, he wrote&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Fool to put up four crosses at your door</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Put up your wife&mdash;she's crosser than all four."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>On another, he deprecated this scribbling on windows, which, it seems,
+was becoming too general<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The sage, who said he should be proud</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of windows in his breast</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Because he ne'er a thought allowed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That might not be confessed;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His window scrawled, by every rake,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His breast again would cover</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And fairly bid the devil take</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The diamond and the lover."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The members of the Kit Kat club used to write epigrams in honour of
+their "Toasts" on their wine glasses.<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a></p>
+
+<p>He sometimes amused himself with writing ingenious riddles. Additional
+grace was added to them by giving them a poetic form. They differ from
+modern riddles, which are nearly all prose, and turn upon puns. They
+more resemble the old Greek and Roman enigmas, but have not their
+obscurity or simplicity. Most of them are long, but the following will
+serve as a specimen&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"We are little airy creatures</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">All of different voice and features;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">One of us in glass is set,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">One of us you'll find in jet</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">T'other you may see in tin,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the fourth a box within</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If the fifth you should pursue,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It can never fly from you."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>This may have suggested to Miss C. Fanshawe her celebrated enigma on the
+letter H.</p>
+
+<p>The humorous talent possessed by the Dean made him a great acquisition
+in society, and, as it appears, somewhat too fascinating to the fair
+sex. Ladies have never been able to decide satisfactorily why he did not
+marry. It may have been that having lived in grand houses, he did not
+think he had a competent income. In his thoughts on various subjects, he
+says, "Matrimony has many children, Repentance, Discord, Poverty,
+Jealousy, Sickness, Spleen, &amp;c."</p>
+
+<p>His sentimental and platonic friendship with young ladies, to whom he
+gave poetical names, made them historical, but not happy. "Stella," to
+whom he is supposed to have been privately married before her death,
+charmed him with her loveliness and wit. Some of his prettiest pieces,
+in which poetry is intermingled with humour, were written to her. In an
+address to her in 1719, on her attaining thirty-five years of age, after
+speaking of the affection travellers have for the old "Angel Inn," he
+says<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Now this is Stella's case in fact</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">An angel's face a little cracked,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Could poets or could painters fix</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How angels look at thirty-six)</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This drew us in at first to find</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In such a form an angel's mind;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And every virtue now supplies</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The fainting rays of Stella's eyes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">See at her lev&eacute;e crowding swains</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whom Stella greatly entertains</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With breeding humour, wit, and sense</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And puts them out to small expense,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Their mind so plentifully fills</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And makes such reasonable bills,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So little gets, for what she gives</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We really wonder how she lives,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And had her stock been less, no doubt,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She must have long ago run out."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Swift says that Stella "always said the best thing in the company," but
+to judge by the specimens he has preserved, this must have been the
+opinion of a lover, unless the society she moved in was extremely dull.
+At the same time those who assert that her allusions were coarse, have
+no good foundation for such a calumny. Her humour contrasted with that
+of the Dean, both in its weakness and its delicacy. Swift was too fond
+of bringing forward into the light what should be concealed, but saw the
+fault in others, and imputed it to an absence of inventive power. He
+writes&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You do not treat nature wisely by always striving to get beneath the
+surface. What to show and to conceal she knows, it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> is one of her
+eternal laws to put her best furniture forward."</p>
+
+<p>The last of his writings before his mind gave way was his "Directions to
+Servants." It was compiled apparently from jottings set down in hours of
+idleness, and shows that his love of humour survived as long as any of
+his faculties. He was blamed by Lord Orrery for turning his mind to such
+trifling concerns, and the stricture might have had some weight had not
+his primary object been to amuse. That this was his aim rather than mere
+correction, is evident from the specious reasons he gives for every one
+of his precepts, and he would have found it difficult to choose a
+subject which would meet with a more general response.</p>
+
+<p>The following few extracts will give an idea of the work&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Rules that concern all servants in general&mdash;When your master or
+lady calls a servant by name, if that servant be not in the way,
+none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of
+drudgery; and masters themselves allow that if a servant comes,
+when he is called, it is sufficient.</p>
+
+<p>"When you have done a fault, be always pert and insolent, and
+behave yourself as if you were the injured person; this will
+immediately put your master or lady off their mettle.</p>
+
+<p>"The cook, the butler, the groom, the market-man, and every other
+servant, who is concerned in the expenses of the family, should act
+as if his whole master's estate ought to be applied to that
+peculiar business. For instance, if the cook computes his master's
+estate to be a thousand pounds a year, he reasonably concludes that
+a thousand pounds a year will afford meat enough, and therefore he
+need not be sparing; the butler makes the same judgment; so may
+the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> groom and the coachman, and thus every branch of expense will
+be filled to your master's honour.</p>
+
+<p>"Take all tradesmen's parts against your master, and when you are
+sent to buy anything, never offer to cheapen it, but generously pay
+the full demand. This is highly to your master's honour, and may be
+some shillings in your pocket, and you are to consider, if your
+master has paid too much, he can better afford the loss than a poor
+tradesman.</p>
+
+<p>"Write your own name and your sweetheart's with the smoke of a
+candle on the roof of the kitchen, or the servant's hall to show
+your learning.</p>
+
+<p>"Lay all faults upon a lap dog or favourite cat, a monkey, a
+parrot, or a child; or on the servant, who was last turned off; by
+this rule you will excuse yourself, do no hurt to anybody else, and
+save your master or lady the trouble and vexation of chiding.</p>
+
+<p>"When you cut bread for a toast, do not stand idly watching it, but
+lay it on the coals, and mind your other business; then come back,
+and if you find it toasted quite through, scrape off the burnt side
+and serve it up.</p>
+
+<p>"When a message is sent to your master, be kind to your brother
+servant who brings it; give him the best liquor in your keeping,
+for your master's honour; and, at the first opportunity he will do
+the same to you.</p>
+
+<p>"When you are to get water for tea, to save firing, and to make
+more haste, pour it into the tea-kettle from the pot where cabbage
+or fish have been boiling, which will make it much wholesomer by
+curing the acid and corroding quality of the tea.</p>
+
+<p>"Directions to cooks.&mdash;Never send up the leg of a fowl at supper,
+while there is a cat or dog in the house that can be accused of
+running away with it, but if there happen to be neither, you must
+lay it upon the rats, or a stray greyhound.</p>
+
+<p>"When you roast a long joint of meat, be careful only about the
+middle, and leave the two extreme parts raw, which will serve
+another time and also save firing.</p>
+
+<p>"Let a red-hot coal, now and then fall into the dripping pan that
+the smoke of the dripping may ascend and give the roast meat a high
+taste.</p>
+
+<p>"If your dinner miscarries in almost every dish, how could you help
+it? You were teased by the footman coming into the kitchen; and to
+prove it, take occasion to be angry, and throw a ladleful of broth
+on one or two of their liveries.</p>
+
+<p>"To Footmen.&mdash;In order to learn the secrets of other families, tell
+them those of your masters; thus you will<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> grow a favourite both at
+home and abroad, and be regarded as a person of importance.</p>
+
+<p>"Never be seen in the streets with a basket or bundle in your
+hands, and carry nothing but what you can hide in your pockets,
+otherwise you will disgrace your calling; to prevent which, always
+retain a blackguard boy to carry your loads, and if you want
+farthings, pay him with a good slice of bread or scrap of meat.</p>
+
+<p>"Let a shoe-boy clean your own boots first, then let him clean your
+master's. Keep him on purpose for that use, and pay him with
+scraps. When you are sent on an errand, be sure to edge in some
+business of your own, either to see your sweetheart, or drink a pot
+of ale with some brother servants, which is so much time clear
+gained. Take off the largest dishes and set them on with one hand,
+to show the ladies your strength and vigour, but always do it
+between two ladies that if the dish happens to slip, the soup or
+sauce may fall on their clothes, and not daub the floor."</p></div>
+
+<p>We think that he might have written "directions" for the masters of his
+day, as by incidental allusions he makes, we find they were not
+unaccustomed to beat their servants.</p>
+
+<p>Sarcasm was Swift's foible. But we must remember that the age in which
+he lived was that of Satire. Humour then took that form as in the latter
+days of Rome. Critical acumen had attained a considerable height, but
+the state of affairs was not sufficiently settled and tranquil to foster
+mutual forbearance and amity. Swift, it must be granted, was not so
+personal as most of his contemporaries, seeking in his wit rather to
+amuse his friends than to wound his rivals. But his scoffing spirit made
+him enemies&mdash;some of whom taking advantage of certain expressions on
+church matters in "The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span> Tale of a Tub" prejudiced Queen Anne, and placed
+an insuperable obstacle in the way of his ambition. He writes of
+himself.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Had he but spared his tongue and pen</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He might have rose like other men;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But power was never in his thought</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And wealth he valued not a groat."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>In his poem on his own death, written in 1731, he concludes with the
+following general survey&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Perhaps I may allow the Dean</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had too much satire in his vein;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And seemed determined not to starve it,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Because no age could more deserve it.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet malice never was his aim</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He lashed the vice, but spared the name:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No individual could repent</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where thousands equally meant;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His satire points out no defect</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But what all mortals may correct:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For he abhorred that senseless tribe</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who call it humour, when they gibe:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He spared a hump or crooked nose</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose owners set not up for beaux.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some genuine dulness moved his pity</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Unless it offered to be witty.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Those who their ignorance confessed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He ne'er offended with a jest;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But laughed to hear an idiot quote</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A verse of Horace, learned by drote.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He knew a hundred pleasing stories</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With all the turns of Whigs and Tories;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was cheerful to his dying day,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And friends would let him have his way.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He gave the little wealth he had</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To build a house for fools and mad;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And showed by one satiric touch,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No nation wanted it so much,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That kingdom he has left his debtor,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I wish it soon may have a better."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>We may here mention a minor luminary,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> which shone in the constellation
+in Queen Anne's classic reign. Pope said that of all the men that he had
+met Arbuthnot had the most prolific wit, allowing Swift only the second
+place. Robinson Crusoe&mdash;at first thought to be a true narrative&mdash;was
+attributed to him, and in the company who formed themselves into the
+Scriblerus Club to write critiques or rather satires on the literature,
+science and politics of the day, we have the names of Oxford,
+Bolingbroke, Swift, Pope, Gay, and Arbuthnot. Of the last, who seems to
+have written mostly in prose, a few works survive devoid of all the
+coarseness which stains most contemporary productions and also deficient
+in point of wit. It is noteworthy that the two authors who endeavoured
+to introduce a greater delicacy into the literature of the day, were
+both court physicians to Queen Anne. The death of this sovereign caused
+the Scriblerus project to be abandoned, but Gulliver's Travels, which
+had formed part of it, were afterwards continued, and some of the
+introductory papers remain, especially one called "Martinus Scriblerus,"
+supposed to have been the work of Arbuthnot. It contains a violent
+onslaught principally upon Sir Richard Blackmore's poetry, such as we
+should more easily attribute to Pope, or at least to his suggestions. It
+resembles "The Dunciad" in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> containing more bitterness than humour.
+Examples are given of the "Pert style," the "Alamode" style, the
+"Finical style." The exceptions taken to such hyperbole as the
+following, seem to be the best founded&mdash;<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;" class="smcap"><b>Of a Lion.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"He roared so loud and looked so wondrous grim</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His very shadow durst not follow him."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;" class="smcap"><b>Of a Lady at Dinner.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The silver whiteness that adorns thy neck</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sullies the plate, and makes the napkins black."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;" class="smcap"><b>Of the Same.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The obscureness of her birth</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cannot eclipse the lustre of her eyes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which make her all one light."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;" class="smcap"><b>Of a Bull Baiting.</b></span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Up to the stars the sprawling mastiffs fly</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And add new monsters to the frighted sky."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>There is a certain amount of humour in Arbuthnot's "History of John
+Bull," and in his "Harmony in an Uproar." A letter to Frederick Handel,
+Esquire, Master of the Opera House in the Haymarket, from Hurlothrumbo
+Johnson, Esquire, Composer Extraordinary to all the theatres in Great
+Britain, excepting that of the Haymarket, commences&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Wonderful Sir!&mdash;The mounting flames of my ambition have long
+aspired to the honour of holding a small conversation with you; but
+being sensible of the almost insuperable difficulty of getting at
+you, I bethought me a paper kite might best reach you, and soar to
+your apartment, though seated in the highest clouds, for all the
+world knows I can top you, fly as high as you will."</p></div>
+
+<p>But we may consider his best piece to be "A Learned Dissertation on
+Dumpling."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Romans, tho' our conquerors, found themselves much outdone in
+dumplings by our forefathers; the Roman dumplings being no more to
+compare to those made by the Britons, than a stone dumpling is to a
+marrow pudding; though indeed the British dumpling at that time was
+little better than what we call a stone dumpling, nothing else but
+flour and water. But every generation growing wiser and wiser the
+project was improved, and dumpling grew to be pudding. One
+projector found milk better than water; another introduced butter;
+some added marrow, others plums; and some found out the use of
+sugar; so that to speak truth, we know not where to fix the
+genealogy or chronology of any of these pudding projectors to the
+reproach of our historians, who eat so much pudding, yet have been
+so ungrateful to the first professor of the noble science as not to
+find them a place in history.</p>
+
+<p>"The invention of eggs was merely accidental. Two or three having
+casually rolled from off a shelf into a pudding, which a good wife
+was making, she found herself under the necessity either of
+throwing away her pudding or letting the eggs remain; but
+concluding that the innocent quality of the eggs would do no hurt,
+if they did no good, she merely jumbled them all together after
+having carefully picked out the shells; the consequence is easily
+imagined, the pudding became a pudding of puddings, and the use of
+eggs from thence took its date. The woman was sent for to Court to
+make puddings for King John, who then swayed the sceptre; and
+gained such favour that she was the making of the whole family.</p>
+
+<p>"From this time the English became so famous for puddings, that
+they are called pudding-eaters all over the world to this day.</p>
+
+<p>"At her demise her son was taken into favour, and made the King's
+chief cook; and so great was his fame for puddings, that he was
+called Jack Pudding all over the kingdom, though in truth his real
+name was John Brand. This Jack Pudding, I say, became yet a greater
+favourite than his mother, insomuch that he had the King's ear as
+well as his mouth at command, for the King you must know was a
+mighty lover of pudding; and Jack fitted him to a hair. But what
+raised our hero in the esteem of this pudding-eating monarch was
+his second edition of pudding, he being the first that ever
+invented the art of broiling puddings, which he did to such
+perfection and so much to the King's liking (who had a mortal
+aversion to cold pudding) that he thereupon instituted him Knight
+of the Gridiron, and gave him a gridiron of gold, the ensign of
+that order, which he always wore as a mark of his Sovereign's
+favour."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Steele&mdash;The Funeral&mdash;The Tatler&mdash;Contributions of Swift&mdash;Of
+Addison&mdash;Expansive Dresses&mdash;"Bodily Wit"&mdash;Rustic Obtuseness&mdash;Crosses
+in Love&mdash;Snuff-taking.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>A new description of periodical was published in 1709, and met with
+deserved success. It was little more or less than the first lady's
+newspaper, consisting of a small half sheet printed on both sides, and
+sold three times a week. The price was a penny, and the form was so
+unpretentious that deprecators spoke of its "tobacco-paper" and "scurvy
+letter." Like Defoe's review, it was strong in Foreign War intelligence,
+but beyond this the aim was to attract readers, not by political sarcasm
+or coarse jesting, but by sparkling satire on the foibles of the
+fashionable world. Addison says that the design was to bring philosophy
+to tea-tables, and to check improprieties "too trivial for the
+chastisement of the law, and too fantastical for the cognizance of the
+pulpit," and that these papers had a "perceptible influence upon the
+conversation of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span> the time, and taught the frolic and gay to unite
+merriment with decency." Johnson says that previously, with the
+exception of the writers for the theatre, "England had no masters of
+common life," and considers the Italian and the French to have
+introduced this kind of literature. From its social character, this
+publication gives us a great amount of interesting information as to the
+manners and customs of the time, and the name "Tatler" was selected "in
+honour of the fair."</p>
+
+<p>The originator of this enterprise, Richard Steele, was English on his
+father's side, Irish on his mother's. He was educated at Charterhouse,
+and followed much the same course as his countryman, Farquhar. He tells
+us gaily, "At fifteen I was sent to the University, and stayed there for
+some time; but a drum passing by, being a lover of music, I enlisted
+myself as a soldier." He seems to have been at this time ambitious of
+being one of those "topping fellows," of whom he afterwards spoke with
+so much contempt. Among the various appointments he successively
+obtained, was that of Gentleman Usher to Prince George, and that of
+Gazetteer, an office which gave him unusual facilities for affording his
+readers foreign intelligence. He was also Governor of the Royal Company
+of Comedians, and wrote plays, his best being<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span> "The Conscious Lovers"
+and "The Funeral." The latter was much liked by King William.
+Notwithstanding its melancholy title, it contained some good comic
+passages, as where the undertaker marshalls his men and puts them
+through a kind of rehearsal:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Sable.</i> Well, come, you that are to be mourners in this house, put
+on your sad looks, and walk by me that I may sort you. Ha, you! a
+little more upon the dismal&mdash;(<i>forming their countenances</i>)&mdash;this
+fellow has a good mortal look&mdash;place him near the corpse; that
+wainscot face must be o' top of the stairs; that fellow's almost in
+a fright (that looks as if he were full of some strange misery) at
+the entrance of the hall&mdash;so&mdash;but I'll fix you all myself. Let's
+have no laughing now on any provocation, (<i>makes faces</i>.) Look
+yonder, that hale, well-looking puppy! You ungrateful scoundrel,
+did not I pity you, take you out of a great man's service, and show
+you the pleasure of receiving wages? Did not I give you ten, then
+fifteen, now twenty shillings a week to be sorrowful? and the more
+I give you, I think the gladder you are.</p></div>
+
+<p>At the first commencement of the "Tatler," Steele seems to have
+intended, as was usual at the time, to write almost the whole newspaper
+himself, and he always continued nominally to do so under the name of
+Isaac Bickerstaff. The only assistance he could have at all counted upon
+was that of Addison&mdash;his old schoolfellow at Charterhouse&mdash;whose
+contributions proved to be very scanty. We soon find him falling short
+of material and calling upon the the public for contributions. Thus he
+makes at the ends of some of the early numbers such suggestions as "Mr.
+Bickerstaff thanks Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> Quarterstaff for his kind and instructive
+letter," and "Any ladies, who have any particular stories of their
+acquaintance, which they are willing privately to make public, may send
+them to Isaac Bickerstaff."</p>
+
+<p>This application seems to have met with some response, for although we
+have only before us the perpetual Isaac Bickerstaff, he soon tells us
+that "he shall have little to do but to publish what is sent him," and
+finally that some of the best pieces were not written by himself. Two or
+three were from the hand of Swift, who does not seem to have much
+appreciated the gentle periodical&mdash;says that as far as he is concerned,
+the editor may "fair-sex it to the world's end," and asserts with equal
+ill-nature and falsity that the publication was finally given up for
+want of materials. Probably it was to the solicitude of Addison, who was
+at that time employed in Ireland, that we are indebted for the few
+productions of Swift's bold genius which adorn this work. One of these
+is upon the peculiar weakness then prevalent among ladies for studding
+their faces with little bits of black plaster.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Madam.&mdash;Let me beg of you to take off the patches at the lower end
+of your left cheek, and I will allow two more under your left eye,
+which will contribute more to the symmetry of your face; except you
+would please to remove the ten black atoms from your ladyship's
+chin, and wear<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> one large patch instead of them. If so, you may
+properly enough retain the three patches above mentioned.</p>
+
+<p>"I am, &amp;c."</p></div>
+
+<p>The next describes a downfall of rain in the city.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Careful observers may foretell the hour,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(By sure prognostics) when to dread a shower;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While rain depends, the pensive cat gives o'er</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her frolics, and pursues her tail no more;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Returning home at night you'll find the sink</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Strike your offended nose with double stink;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If you be wise, then go not far to dine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You'll spend in coach-hire more than save in wine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A coming shower your shooting corns presage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Old aches will throb, your hollow tooth will rage;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sauntering in coffee-house is Dulman seen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He damns the climate and complains of spleen....</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Now in contiguous drops the flood comes down,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Threatening with deluge this devoted town,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To shops in crowds the draggled females fly,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pretend to cheapen goods, but nothing buy,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Templar spruce, while ev'ry spout's abroach,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stays till 'tis fair, yet seems to call a coach,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The tuck'd up sempstress walks with hasty strides,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While streams run down her oil'd umbrella's sides;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here various kinds, by various fortunes led,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Commence acquaintance underneath a shed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Triumphant Tories and desponding Whigs,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Forget their feuds, and join to save their wigs."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The contributions of Addison were more numerous. He is more precise and
+old-fashioned than Steele, being particularly fond of giving a classical
+and mythological air to his writings, and thus we have such subjects as
+"The Goddess of Justice distributing rewards," and "Juno's method of
+retaining the affections of Jupiter." Allegories were his delight, and
+he tells us how artistically the probable can be intermingled with the
+marvellous. Such con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>ceits were then still in fashion, and the numbers
+of the "Tatler" which contained them had the largest sale. They remind
+us of the "Old Moralities," and at this time succeeded to the prodigies,
+whales, plagues, and famines to which the news-writers had recourse when
+the exciting events of the Civil War came to an end. In general, the
+subjects chosen by Addison were more important than those chosen by
+Steele, and no doubt the earnest bent of his mind would have led him to
+write lofty and learned essays on morals and literature quite unsuitable
+to a popular periodical. But being kept down in a humbler sphere by the
+exigency of the case, he produced what was far more telling, and,
+perhaps, more practically useful. In one place he uses his humorous
+talent to protest, in the cause of good feeling, against the indignities
+put upon chaplains&mdash;a subject on which Swift could have spoken with more
+personal experience, but not with such good taste and light pleasantry.
+The article begins with a letter from a chaplain, complaining that he
+was not allowed to sit at table to the end of dinner, and was rebuked by
+the lady of the house for helping himself to a jelly. Addison remarks:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The case of this gentleman deserves pity, especially if he loves
+sweetmeats, to which, if I may guess from his letter, he is no
+enemy. In the meantime, I have often<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> wondered at the indecency of
+discharging the holiest men from the table as soon as the most
+delicious parts of the entertainments are served up, and could
+never conceive a reason for so absurd a custom. Is it because a
+liquorish palate, or a sweet-tooth, as they call it, is not
+consistent with the sanctity of his character? This is but a
+trifling pretence. No man of the most rigid virtue gives offence in
+any excesses of plum-pudding or plum-porridge, and that because
+they are the first parts of the dinner. Is there anything that
+tends to incitation in sweetmeats more than in ordinary dishes?
+Certainly not. Sugar-plums are a very innocent diet, and conserves
+of a much colder nature than your common pickles."</p></div>
+
+<p>In another place speaking of the dinner table, Addison ridicules the
+"false delicacies" of the time. He tells us how at a great party he
+could find nothing eatable, and how horrified he was at being asked to
+partake of a young pig that had been whipped to death. Eventually, he
+had to finish his dinner at home, and is led to inculcate his maxim that
+"he keeps the greatest table who has the most valuable company at it."
+In another place he complains of the lateness of the dinner-hour, and
+asks what it will come to eventually, as it is already three o'clock!</p>
+
+<p>Of the evil courses of the "wine-brewers" Addison, who lived in the
+world of the rich, no doubt heard frequent complaints&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There is in this city a certain fraternity of chemical operators,
+who work underground in holes, caverns, and dark retirements, to
+conceal their mysteries from the eyes and observation of mankind.
+These subterraneous philosophers are daily employed in the
+transmutation of liquors, and, by the power of magical drugs and
+incantations, raising under the streets of London the choicest
+products of the hills and valleys of France. They can squeeze
+Bor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>deaux out of the sloe, and draw Champagne from an apple. Virgil
+in that remarkable prophecy,</p>
+
+<p>
+'Incultisque rubens pendebit sentibus uva,'<br />
+The ripening grape shall hang on every thorn,<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>seems to have hinted at this art, which can turn a plantation of
+northern hedges in a vineyard. These adepts are known among one
+another by the name of <i>wine-brewers</i>; and I am afraid do great
+injury not only to Her Majesty's customs, but to the bodies of many
+of her good subjects."</p></div>
+
+<p>After what we have seen in our own times we need not be surprised that
+the ladies of Addison's day revived the old "fardingales," an expansion
+of dress which has always been a subject of ridicule, and probably will
+continue to be upon all its future appearances. The matter is first here
+brought forward as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The humble petition of William Jingle, Coachmaker and Chairmaker
+to the Liberty of Westminster.</p>
+
+<p>"To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire, Censor of Great Britain.</p>
+
+<p>"Showeth,&mdash;That upon the late invention of Mrs. Catherine
+Cross-stitch, Mantua-maker, the petticoats of ladies were too wide
+for entering into any coach or chair, which was in use before the
+said invention.</p>
+
+<p>"That, for the service of the said ladies, your petitioner has
+built a round chair, in the form of a lantern, six yards and a half
+in circumference, with a stool in the centre of it; the said
+vehicle being so contrived, as to receive the passenger by opening
+in two in the middle, and closing mathematically when she is
+seated.</p>
+
+<p>"That your petitioner has also invented a coach for the reception
+of one lady only, who is to be let in at the top.</p>
+
+<p>"That the said coach has been tried by a lady's woman in one of
+these full petticoats, who was let down from a balcony and drawn up
+again by pullies to the great satisfaction of her lady, and all who
+beheld her.</p>
+
+<p>"Your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that for the
+encouragement of ingenuity and useful inventions, he may be heard
+before you pass sentence upon the petticoats aforesaid. And your
+petitioner, &amp;c.,"</p></div>
+
+<p>Addison, in No. 116, proceeds to try the question:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Court being prepared for proceeding on the cause of the
+petticoat, I gave orders to bring in a criminal, who was taken up
+as she went out of the puppet-show about three nights ago, and was
+now standing in the street with a great concourse of people about
+her. Word was brought me that she had endeavoured twice or thrice
+to come in, but could not do it by reason of her petticoat, which
+was too large for the entrance of my house, though I had ordered
+both the folding doors to be thrown open for its reception. The
+garment having been taken off, the accused, by a committee of
+matrons, was at length brought in, and 'dilated' so as to show it
+in its utmost circumference, but my great hall was too narrow for
+the experiment; for before it was half unfolded it described so
+immoderate a circle, that the lower part of it brushed upon my face
+as I sat in the chair of judicature. I finally ordered the vest,
+which stood before us, to be drawn up by a pulley to the top of my
+great hall, and afterwards to be spread open, in such a manner that
+it formed a very splendid and ample canopy over our heads, and
+covered the whole court of judicature with a kind of silken
+rotunda, in its form not unlike the cupola of St. Paul's."</p></div>
+
+<p>A considerable part of "The Tatler" is occupied with gay attacks upon
+the foppery of the beaux, whom it calls "pretty fellows," or "smart
+fellows." The red-heeled shoes and the cane hung by its blue ribbon on
+the last button of the coat, came in for an especial share of ridicule.
+A letter purporting to be from Oxford, and reporting some improvement
+effected in the conversation of the University, also says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I am sorry though not surprised to find that you have rallied the
+men of dress in vain: that the amber-headed cane still maintains
+its unstable post," (on the button) "that pockets are but a few
+inches shortened, and a beau is still a beau, from the crown of his
+night-cap to the heels of his shoes. For your comfort, I can assure
+you that your endeavours succeed better in this famous seat of
+learning. By them the manners of our young gentlemen are in a fair
+way of amendment." ...</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The ladies also did not escape censure for their love of finery.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A matron of my acquaintance, complaining of her daughter's vanity,
+was observing that she had all of a sudden held up her head higher
+than ordinary, and taken an air that showed a secret satisfaction
+in herself, mixed with a scorn of others. 'I did not know,' says my
+friend, 'what to make of the carriage of this fantastical girl,
+until I was informed by her elder sister, that she had a pair of
+striped garters on.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Again:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Many a lady has fetched a sigh at the loss of a wig, and been
+ruined by the tapping of a snuff box. It is impossible to describe
+all the execution that was done by the shoulder knot, while that
+fashion prevailed, or to reckon up all the maidens that have fallen
+a sacrifice to a pair of fringed gloves. A sincere heart has not
+made half so many conquests as an open waistcoat: and I should be
+glad to see an able head make so good a figure in a woman's company
+as a pair of red heels. A Grecian hero, when he was asked whether
+he could play upon the lute, thought he had made a very good reply
+when he had answered 'No, but I can make a great city of a little
+one.' Notwithstanding his boasted wisdom, I appeal to the heart of
+any Toast in town whether she would not think the lutenist
+preferable to the statesman."</p></div>
+
+<p>The general tone of "The Tatler," is that of a fashionable London paper,
+and it often notices the difference of thought in town and country. This
+distinction is much less now than in his day, before the time of
+railways, and when the country gentlemen, instead of having houses in
+London, betook themselves for the gay season to their county towns.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I was this evening representing a complaint sent me out of the
+country by Emilia. She says, her neighbours there have so little
+sense of what a refined lady of the town is, that she who was a
+celebrated wit in London, is in that dull part of the world in so
+little esteem that they call her in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> their base style a tongue-pad.
+Old Truepenny bid me advise her to keep her wit until she comes to
+town again, and admonish her that both wit and breeding are local;
+for a fine court lady is as awkward among country wives, as one of
+them would appear in a drawing-room."</p></div>
+
+<p>Again:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I must beg pardon of my readers that, for this time I have, I
+fear, huddled up my discourse, having been very busy in helping an
+old friend out of town. He has a very good estate and is a man of
+wit; but he has been three years absent from town, and cannot bear
+a jest; for which I have with some pains convinced him that he can
+no more live here than if he were a downright bankrupt. He was so
+fond of dear London that he began to fret, only inwardly; but being
+unable to laugh and be laughed at, I took a place in the Northern
+coach for him and his family; and hope he has got to-night safe
+from all sneerers in his own parlour.</p>
+
+<p>"To know what a Toast is in the country gives as much perplexity as
+she herself does in town; and indeed the learned differ very much
+upon the original of this word, and the acceptation of it among the
+moderns; however, it is agreed to have a cheerful and joyous
+import. A toast in a cold morning, heightened by nutmeg, and
+sweetened with sugar, has for many ages been given to our rural
+dispensers of justice before they entered upon causes, and has been
+of great politic use to take off the severity of their sentences;
+but has indeed been remarkable for one ill effect, that it inclines
+those who use it immoderately to speak Latin; to the admiration
+rather than information of an audience. This application of a toast
+makes it very obvious that the word may, without a metaphor, be
+understood as an apt name for a thing which raises us in the most
+sovereign degree; but many of the Wits of the last age will assert
+that the word in its present sense was known among them in their
+youth, and had its rise from an accident in the town of Bath in the
+reign of King Charles the Second. It happened that on a public day,
+a celebrated beauty of those times was in the Cross Bath, and one
+of the crowd of her admirers took a glass of water in which the
+fair one stood, and drank her health to the company. There was in
+the place a gay fellow half fuddled, who swore that though he liked
+not the liquor, he would take the toast. He was opposed in his
+resolution, yet this whim gave foundation to the present honor
+which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> is due to the lady we mention in our liquors, who has ever
+since been called a Toast."<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a></p></div>
+
+<p>Courtships, and the hopes and fears of Shepherds and Shepherdesses, form
+many tender and classic episodes throughout this periodical&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Though Cynthio has wit, good sense, fortune, and his very being
+depends upon her, the termagant for whom he sighs is in love with a
+fellow who stares in the glass all the time he is with her, and
+lets her plainly see she may possibly be his rival, but never his
+mistress. Yet Cynthio, the same unhappy man whom I mentioned in my
+first narrative, pleases himself with a vain imagination that, with
+the language of his eyes he shall conquer her, though her eyes are
+intent upon one who looks from her; which is ordinary with the sex.
+It is certainly a mistake in the ancients to draw the little
+gentleman Love as a blind boy, for his real character is a little
+thief that squints; for ask Mrs. Meddle, who is a confidant or spy
+upon all the passions in the town, and she will tell you that the
+whole is a game of cross purposes. The lover is generally pursuing
+one who is in pursuit of another, and running from one that desires
+to meet him. Nay, the nature of this passion is so justly
+represented in a squinting little thief (who is always in a double
+action) that do but observe Clarissa next time you see her, and you
+will find when her eyes have made the soft tour round the company,
+they make no stay on him they say she is to marry, but rest two
+seconds of a minute on Wildair, who neither looks nor thinks of
+her, or any woman else. However, Cynthio had a bow from her the
+other day, upon which he is very much come to himself; and I heard
+him send his man of an errand yesterday without any manner of
+hesitation; a quarter of an hour after which he reckoned twenty,
+remembered he was to sup with a friend, and went exactly to his
+appointment."</p></div>
+
+<p>All the love-making in "The Tatler" is of a very correct description.
+Marriage is nowhere despised or ridiculed, though suggestions are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> made
+for composing the troubles which sometimes accompany it:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A young gentleman of great estate fell desperately in love with a
+great beauty of very high quality, but as ill-natured as long
+flattery and an habitual self-will could make her. However, my
+young spark ventures upon her like a man of quality, without being
+acquainted with her, or having ever saluted her, until it was a
+crime to kiss any woman else. Beauty is a thing which palls with
+possession, and the charms of this lady soon wanted the support of
+good humour and complacency of manners; upon this, my spark flies
+to the bottle for relief from satiety; she disdains him for being
+tired of that for which all men envied him; and he never came home
+but it was, 'Was there no sot that would stay longer?' 'Would any
+man living but you?' 'Did I leave all the world for this usage?' to
+which he, 'Madam, split me, you're very impertinent!' In a word,
+this match was wedlock in its most terrible appearances. She, at
+last weary of railing to no purpose, applies to a good uncle, who
+gives her a bottle he pretended he had bought of Mr. Partridge, the
+conjurer. 'This,' said he, 'I gave ten guineas for. The virtue of
+the enchanted liquor (said he that sold it) is such, that if the
+woman you marry proves a scold (which it seems, my dear niece is
+your misfortune, as it was your good mother's before you) let her
+hold three spoonfuls of it in her mouth for a full half hour after
+you come home.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>But Steele says that his principal object was "to stem the torrent of
+prejudice and vice." He did not limit himself to making amusement out of
+the affectation of the day; he often directed his humour to higher ends.
+He deprecated inconstancy, observing that a gentleman who presumed to
+pay attention to a lady, should bring with him a character from the one
+he had lately left. He must be especially commended for having been one
+of the first to advocate consideration for the lower animals,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> and to
+condemn swearing and duelling. The latter, as he said, owed its
+continuance to the force of custom, and he supposes that if a duellist
+"wrote the truth of his heart," he would express himself to his
+lady-love in the following manner:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Madam,&mdash;I have so tender a regard for you and your interests that
+I will knock any man on the head that I observe to be of my mind,
+and to like you. Mr. Truman, the other day, looked at you in so
+languishing a manner that I am resolved to run him through
+to-morrow morning. This, I think, he deserves for his guilt in
+adoring you, than which I cannot have a greater reason for
+murdering him, except it be that, you also approve him. Whoever
+says he dies for you, I will make his words good, for I will kill
+him,</p>
+
+<p class='center'>
+"I am, Madam,<br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em;">"Your most obedient humble servant."</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+<p>Among other offensive habits, "The Tatler" discountenances the custom of
+taking snuff, then common among ladies.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I have been these three years persuading Sagissa<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> to leave it
+off; but she talks so much, and is so learned, that she is above
+contradiction. However, an accident brought that about, which all
+my eloquence could never accomplish. She had a very pretty fellow
+in her closet, who ran thither to avoid some company that came to
+visit her; she made an excuse to go to him for some implement they
+were talking of. Her eager gallant snatched a kiss; but being
+unused to snuff, some grains from off her upper lip made him sneeze
+aloud, which alarmed her visitors, and has made a discovery."</p></div>
+
+<p>[It is impossible to say what effect this ridicule produced upon the
+snuff-taking public, but the custom gradually declined. A hundred<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> years
+later, James Beresford, a fellow of Merton, places among the "Miseries
+of Human Life," the "Leaving off Snuff at the request of your Angel,"
+and writes the following touching farewell.]</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Box thou art closed, and snuff is but a name!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It is decreed my nose shall feast no more!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To me no more shall come&mdash;whence dost it come?&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The precious pulvil from Hibernia's shore!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Virginia, barren be thy teeming soil,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or may the swallowing earthquake gulf thy fields!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Fribourg and Pontet! cease your trading toil,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or bankruptcy be all the fruit it yields!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"And artists! frame no more in tin or gold,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Horn, paper, silver, coal or skin, the chest,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Foredoomed in small circumference to hold</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The titillating treasures of the West!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The fellows of Merton seem to have discovered some hidden efficacy in
+snuff.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Who doth not know what logic lies concealed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where diving finger meets with diving thumb?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who hath not seen the opponent fly the field,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Unhurt by argument, by snuff struck dumb?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The box drawn forth from its profoundest bed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The slow-repeated tap, with frowning brows.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The brandished pinch, the fingers widely spread,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The arm tossed round, returning to the nose.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Who can withstand a battery so strong?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wit, reason, learning, what are ye to these?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or who would toil through folios thick and long,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When wisdom may be purchased with a sneeze?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Shall I, then, climb where Alps on Alps arise?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No; snuff and science are to me a dream,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But hold my soul! for that way madness lies,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Love's in the scale, tobacco kicks the beam."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Spectator&mdash;The Rebus&mdash;Injurious Wit&mdash;The Everlasting Club&mdash;The Lovers'
+Club&mdash;Castles in the Air&mdash;The Guardian&mdash;Contributions by Pope&mdash;"The
+Agreeable Companion"&mdash;The Wonderful Magazine&mdash;Joe Miller&mdash;Pivot
+Humour.</p></div>
+
+<p>When "The Tatler" had completed two hundred and seventy-one numbers, it
+occurred to the fertile mind of Steele that it might be modified with
+advantage. For the future it should be a daily paper, and only contain
+an essay upon one subject. In making this alteration he thought it would
+be better to give the periodical a title of more important
+signification, and accordingly called it the "Spectator." But the most
+important difference was that Addison was to contribute a much larger
+portion of the material. This gave more solidity to the work.</p>
+
+<p>Addison never obtained a questionable success by descending too low in
+coarse language. His style has been recommended as a model, for he is
+lively and interesting without approaching<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> dangerous ground. As we read
+his pleasant pages we can almost agree with Lord Chesterfield
+that:&mdash;"True wit never raised a laugh since the world was," but here and
+there we find a passage that shows us the grave censor was mistaken.
+Speaking of the "absurdities of the modern opera" Addison says,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"As I was walking in the streets about a fortnight ago, I saw an
+ordinary fellow carrying a cage full of little birds upon his
+shoulder; and as I was wondering with myself what use he would put
+them to, he was met very luckily by an acquaintance, who had the
+same curiosity. Upon his asking what he had upon his shoulder, he
+told him that he had been buying sparrows for the opera. 'Sparrows
+for the opera,' says his friend, licking his lips, 'what! are they
+to be roasted?' 'No, no,' says the other, 'they are to enter
+towards the end of the first act, and to fly about the stage.'</p>
+
+<p>"There have been so many flights of sparrows let loose in this
+opera, that it is feared the house will never get rid of them, and
+that in other plays they may make their entrance in very wrong and
+improper scenes, so as to be seen flying in a lady's bedchamber, or
+perching upon a king's throne; besides the inconvenience which the
+heads of the audience may sometimes suffer for them. I am credibly
+informed that there was once a design of casting into an opera the
+story of Whittington and his Cat, and that in order to it there had
+been got together a great quantity of mice; but Mr. Rich, the
+proprietor of the play-house, very prudently considered that it
+would be impossible for the cat to kill them all, and that
+consequently the princes of the stage might be as much infested
+with mice as the prince of the island was before the cat's arrival
+upon it."</p></div>
+
+<p>To a letter narrating country sports, and a whistling match won by a
+footman, he adds as a postscript,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"After having despatched these two important points of grinning and
+whistling, I hope you will oblige the world with some reflections
+upon yawning, as I have seen it practised on a Twelfth Night among
+other Christmas gam<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>bols at the house of a very worthy gentleman
+who entertains his tenants at that time of the year. They yawn for
+a Cheshire cheese, and begin about midnight, when the whole company
+is supposed to be drowsy. He that yawns widest, and at the same
+time so naturally as to produce the most yawns among the
+spectators, carries home the cheese. If you handle this subject as
+you ought, I question not but your paper will set half the kingdom
+a-yawning, though I dare promise you it will never make anybody
+fall asleep."</p></div>
+
+<p>Johnson observes that Addison never out-steps the modesty of nature, nor
+raises merriment or wonder by the violation of truth. He wrote several
+essays in the "Spectator" on wit, and condemns much that commonly passes
+under the name. Together with verbal humour and many absurd devices
+connected with it, he especially repudiates the rebus. In the first part
+of the following extract he refers to this device being used for other
+objects than those of amusement, and he might have reminded us of the
+alphabets of primitive times, when the picture of an animal signified
+the sound with which its name commenced; but the rebus proper is merely
+a bad attempt at humour&mdash;a sort of pictorial pun&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I find likewise among the ancients that ingenious kind of conceit
+which the moderns distinguish by the name of a rebus, that does not
+sink a letter, but a whole word, by substituting a picture in its
+place. When C&aelig;sar was one of the masters of the Roman mint, he
+placed the figure of an elephant upon the reverse of the public
+money; the word C&aelig;sar signifying an elephant in the Punic language.
+This was artificially contrived by C&aelig;sar, because it was not lawful
+for a private man to stamp his own figure upon the coin of the
+Commonwealth. Cicero, so called from the founder of his family, who
+was marked on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> nose with a little wen like a vetch, (which is
+Cicer in Latin,) instead of Marcus Tullius Cicero, ordered the
+words Marcus Tullius with the figure of a vetch at the end of them,
+to be inscribed on a public monument. This was done probably to
+show that he was neither ashamed of his name or family,
+notwithstanding the envy of his competitors had often reproached
+him with both. In the same manner we read of a famous building that
+was marked in several parts of it with the figures of a frog and a
+lizard; these words in Greek having been the names of the
+architects, who by the laws of their country were never permitted
+to inscribe their own names upon their works. For the same reason,
+it is thought that the forelock of the horse in the antique
+equestrian statute of Marcus Aurelius, represents at a distance the
+shape of an owl, to intimate the country of the statuary, who in
+all probability was an Athenian. This kind of wit was very much in
+vogue among our own countrymen about an age or two ago, who did not
+practise it for any oblique reason, as the ancients above
+mentioned, but purely for the sake of being witty. Among
+innumerable instances that may be given of this nature, I shall
+produce the device of one, Mr. Newberry, as I find it mentioned by
+our learned Camden, in his remains. Mr. Newberry, to represent his
+name by a picture, hung up at his door the sign of a yew-tree that
+had several berries upon it, and in the midst of them a great
+golden N hung upon the bough of the tree, which by the help of a
+little false spelling made up the word N-ew-berry."</p></div>
+
+<p>Addison disproved of that severity and malice which was too common among
+the writers of his age. He refers to it in his essays on wit, in
+allusion, as it is thought, to Swift.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There is nothing that more betrays a base ungenerous spirit than
+the giving of secret stabs to a man's reputation; lampoons and
+satires, that are written with wit and spirit, are like poisoned
+darts, which not only inflict a wound, but make it incurable. For
+this reason I am very much troubled when I see the talents of
+humour and ridicule in the possession of an ill-natured man.... It
+must indeed be confessed, that a lampoon or a satire does not carry
+in it robbery or murder; but at the same time, how many are there
+that would rather lose a considerable sum of money, or even life
+itself, than be set up as a mark of infamy and derision."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He goes on to notice how various persons behaved under the ordeal&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"When Julius C&aelig;sar was lampooned by Catullus he invited him to
+supper, and treated him with such a generous civility that he made
+the poet his friend ever after. Cardinal Mazarin gave the same kind
+of treatment to the learned Guillet, who had reflected upon his
+Eminence in a famous Latin poem. The Cardinal sent for him, and
+after some kind expostulation upon what he had written, assured him
+of his esteem, and dismissed him with a promise of the next good
+Abbey that should fall, which he accordingly conferred upon him a
+few months after. This had so good an effect upon the author that
+he dedicated the second edition of his book to the Cardinal, after
+having expunged the passages, which had given him offence. Sextus
+Quintus was not of so generous and forgiving a temper. Upon his
+being made Pope, the statue of Pasquin was dressed in a very dirty
+shirt, with an excuse written under it, that he was forced to wear
+foul linen because his laundress was made a princess. This was a
+reflection upon the Pope's sister, who, before the promotion of her
+brother, was in those mean circumstances that Pasquin represented
+her. As this pasquinade made a great noise in Rome, the Pope
+offered a considerable sum of money to any person that should
+discover the author of it. The author relying on his Holiness'
+generosity, as also upon some private overtures he had received
+from him, made the discovery himself; upon which the Pope gave him
+the reward he had promised, but at the same time to disable the
+satirist for the future, ordered his tongue to be cut out, and both
+his hands to be chopped off."</p></div>
+
+<p>When Addison treats of the ladies' "commode," a lofty head-dress which
+had been in fashion in his time, he adds reflections which may moderate
+all such vanities&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There is not so variable a thing in nature as a lady's head-dress.
+Within my own memory I have known it rise and fall above thirty
+degrees. About ten years ago it shot up to a very great height,
+inasmuch as the female part of our species were much taller than
+the men. The women were of such an enormous stature that 'we
+appeared as grasshoppers before them.' At present, the whole sex is
+in a manner dwarfed and shrunk into a race of beauties that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> seems
+almost another species. I remember several ladies who were once
+very near seven feet high, that at present want some inches of
+five.... I would desire the fair sex to consider how impossible it
+is for them to add anything that can be ornamental to what is
+already the master-piece of Nature. The head has the most beautiful
+appearance, as well as the highest station in a human figure.
+Nature has laid out all her art in beautifying the face; she has
+touched it with vermillion, planted in it a double row of ivory,
+made it the seat of smiles and blushes, lighted it up, and
+enlivened it with the brightness of the eyes, hung it on each side
+with curious organs of sense, given it airs and graces that cannot
+be described, and surrounded it with such a flowing shade of hair
+as sets all its beauties in the most agreeable light. In short, she
+seems to have designed the head as the cupola to the most glorious
+of her works; and when we load it with such a pile of supernumerary
+ornaments, we destroy the symmetry of the human figure, and
+foolishly contrive to call off the eye from great and real
+beauties, to childish gewgaws, ribbands, and bone-lace."</p></div>
+
+<p>But the popularity of "The Spectator" was not a little due to the
+stronger and more daring genius of Steele. His writing, though not so
+didactic, or so ripe in style, as that of Addison, was antithetical,
+sparkling, and more calculated to "raise a horse."</p>
+
+<p>The continuation of the periodical, which was carried on by others, was
+not equally successful. In the earlier volumes we recognise Steele's
+hand in the Essays on "Clubs." He gives us an amusing account of the
+"Ugly Club," for which no one was eligible who had not "a visible
+quearity in his aspect, or peculiar cast of countenance;" and of the
+"Everlasting Club," which was to sit day and night from one end of the
+year to another; no party pre<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>suming to rise till they were relieved by
+those who were in course to succeed them.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"This club was instituted towards the end of the Civil Wars, and
+continued without interruption till the time of the Great Fire,
+which burnt them out and dispersed them for several weeks. The
+steward at this time maintained his post till he had been like to
+have been blown up with a neighbouring house (which was demolished
+in order to stop the fire) and would not leave the chair at last,
+till he had emptied all the bottles upon the table, and received
+repeated directions from the Club to withdraw himself."</p></div>
+
+<p>The following on "Castles in the Air" is interesting, as Steele himself
+seems to have been addicted to raising such structures,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A castle-builder is even just what he pleases, and as such I have
+grasped imaginary sceptres, and delivered uncontrollable edicts
+from a throne to which conquered nations yielded obeisance. I have
+made I know not how many inroads into France, and ravaged the very
+heart of that kingdom; I have dined in the Louvre, and drunk
+champagne at Versailles; and I would have you take notice I am not
+only able to vanquish a people already 'cowed' and accustomed to
+flight, but I could Almanzor-like, drive the British general from
+the field, were I less a Protestant, or had ever been affronted by
+the confederates. There is no art or profession whose most
+celebrated masters I have not eclipsed. Wherever I have afforded my
+salutary presence, fevers have ceased to burn and agues to shake
+the human fabric. When an eloquent fit has been upon me, an apt
+gesture and a proper cadence has animated each sentence, and gazing
+crowds have found their passions worked up into rage, or soothed
+into a calm. I am short, and not very well made; yet upon sight of
+a fine woman, I have stretched into proper stature, and killed with
+a good air and mien. These are the gay phantoms that dance before
+my waking eyes and compose my day-dreams. I should be the most
+contented happy man alive, were the chimerical happiness which
+springs from the paintings of Fancy less fleeting and transitory.
+But alas! it is with grief of mind I tell you, the least breath of
+wind has often demolished my magnificent edifices, swept away my
+groves, and left me no more trace of them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> than if they had never
+been. My exchequer has sunk and vanished by a rap on my door; the
+salutation of a friend has cost me a whole continent, and in the
+same moment I have been pulled by the sleeve, my crown has fallen
+from my head. The ill consequences of these reveries is
+inconceivably great, seeing the loss of imaginary possessions makes
+impressions of real woe. Besides bad economy is visible and
+apparent in the builders of imaginary mansions. My tenants'
+advertisements of ruins and dilapidations often cast a damp over my
+spirits, even in the instant when the sun, in all his splendour,
+gilds my Eastern palaces."</p></div>
+
+<p>In marking the differences between the humour at the time of "The
+Spectator" and that of the present day, we feel happy that the tone of
+society has so altered that such jests as the following would be quite
+inadmissible.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. Spectator,&mdash;As you are spectator general, I apply myself to
+you in the following case, viz.: I do not wear a sword, but I often
+divert myself at the theatre, when I frequently see a set of
+fellows pull plain people, by way of humour and frolic, by the
+nose, upon frivolous or no occasion. A friend of mine the other
+night applauding what a graceful exit Mr. Wilks made, one of those
+wringers overhearing him, pinched him by the nose. I was in the pit
+the other night (when it was very much crowded); a gentleman
+leaning upon me, and very heavily, I very civilly requested him to
+remove his hand, for which he pulled me by the nose. I would not
+resent it in so public a place, because I was unwilling to create a
+disturbance: but have since reflected upon it as a thing that is
+unmanly and disingenuous, renders the nose-puller odious, and makes
+the person pulled by the nose look little and contemptible. This
+grievance I humbly request you will endeavour to redress. I am,
+&amp;c., <span class="smcap">James Easy</span>.</p>
+
+<p>"I have heard of some very merry fellows among whom the frolic was
+started, and passed by a great majority, that every man should
+immediately draw a tooth: after which they have gone in a body and
+smoked a cobler. The same company at another night has each man
+burned his cravat, and one, perhaps, whose estate would bear it,
+has thrown a long wig and laced hat into the fire. Thus they have
+jested themselves stark naked, and run into the streets and
+frighted the people very successfully. There is no inhabitant of
+any standing in Covent Garden, but can tell<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> you a hundred good
+humours where people have come off with a little bloodshed, and yet
+scoured all the witty hours of the night. I know a gentleman that
+has several wounds in the head by watch-poles, and has been twice
+run through the body to carry on a good jest. He is very old for a
+man of so much good humour; but to this day he is seldom merry, but
+he has occasion to be valiant at the same time. But, by the favour
+of these gentlemen, I am humbly of opinion that a man may be a very
+witty man, and never offend one statute of this kingdom."</p></div>
+
+<p>More harmless was the joking of Villiers, the last Duke of Buckingham,
+(father of Lady Mary Wortley Montague), who seems to have inherited some
+of the family humour. Addison tells us,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"One of the wits of the last age, who was a man of a good estate,
+thought he never laid out his money better than on a jest. As he
+was one year at Bath, observing that in the great confluence of
+fine people there were several among them with long chins, a part
+of the visage by which he himself was very much distinguished, he
+invited to dinner half a score of these remarkable persons, who had
+their mouths in the middle of their faces. They had no sooner
+placed themselves about the table, but they began to stare upon one
+another, not being able to imagine what had brought them together.
+Our English proverb says:</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">''Tis merry in the hall</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When beards wag all.'</span>
+</p>
+
+<p>"It proved so in the assembly I am now speaking of, who seeing so
+many peaks of faces agitated with eating, drinking and discourse,
+and observing all the chins that were present meeting together very
+often over the centre of the table, every one grew sensible of the
+jest, and came into it with so much good humour that they lived in
+strict friendship and alliance from that day forward."</p></div>
+
+<p>In August, 1712, a tax of a halfpenny was placed upon newspapers, and
+led to several leading journals being discontinued, a failure
+facetiously termed "the fall of the leaf." "The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> Spectator" survived the
+loss, but not unshaken, and the price was raised to twopence. It seems
+strange that such an addition should affect a periodical of this
+character, but a penny was a larger sum then than it is now. Steele
+says, "the ingenious J. W. (Dr. Walker, Head-Master of the Charterhouse)
+tells me that I have deprived him of the best part of his breakfast, for
+that since the rise of my paper, he is forced every morning to drink his
+dish of coffee by itself, without the addition of 'The Spectator,' that
+used to be better than lace (<i>i.e.</i>, brandy) to it."</p>
+
+<p>After "The Spectator" had run through six hundred and thirty-five
+numbers, Steele, with his usual restlessness, discontinued it, or
+rather, changed its name, and called it "The Guardian." He commenced
+writing this new periodical by himself, but soon obtained the assistance
+of Addison. The only feature worth notice in which it differed from its
+predecessor, was the prominent appearance of Pope as an essayist,
+although from political reasons he would have preferred to have been an
+anonymous contributor. Among his articles we may notice a powerful one
+against cruelty to animals and field sports in general. Another was an
+ironical attack upon the Pastorals of Ambrose Philips comparing them
+with his own, and affords<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> an illustration of what we observed in
+another place, that such modes of warfare are easily misunderstood&mdash;for
+the essay having been sent to Steele anonymously, he hesitated to
+publish it lest Pope should be offended! But his best article in this
+periodical is directed against poetasters in general&mdash;whom he never
+treated with much mercy. He says that poetry is now composed upon
+mechanical principles, in the same way that house-wives make
+plum-puddings&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"What Moli&egrave;re observes of making a dinner, that any man can do it
+with money, and if a professed cook cannot without, he has his art
+for nothing; the same may be said of making a poem, it is easier
+brought about by him that has a genius, but the skill lies in doing
+it without one. In pursuance of this end, I shall present the
+reader with a plain and certain recipe, by which even sonneteers
+and ladies may be qualified for this grand performance."</p></div>
+
+<p>He then proceeds to give a "receipt to make an epic poem," and after
+giving directions for the "fable," the "manners," and the "machines," he
+comes to the "descriptions."</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"<i>For a Tempest.</i>&mdash;Take Eurus, Zephyr, Auster, and Boreas, and cast
+them together in one verse. Add to these of rain, lightning, and of
+thunder (the loudest you can,) <i>quantum sufficit</i>. Mix your clouds
+and billows well together until they foam, and thicken your
+description here and there with a quicksand. Brew your tempest well
+in your head before you set it a blowing.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>For a Battle.</i>&mdash;Pick a large quantity of images and descriptions
+from Homer's 'Iliad,' with a spice or two of Virgil, and if there
+remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a skirmish. Season it
+well with simiters, and it will make an excellent battle.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>For the Language</i>&mdash;(I mean the diction.) Here it will do well to
+be an imitator of Milton, for you will find it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> easier to imitate
+him in this, than in anything else. Hebraisms and Grecisms are to
+be found in him without the trouble of learning the languages. I
+knew a painter who (like our poet) had no genius, make his daubings
+to be thought originals by setting them in the smoke. You may in
+the same manner give the venerable air of antiquity to your piece,
+by darkening it up and down with old English. With this you may be
+easily furnished upon any occasion by the dictionary commonly
+printed at the end of Chaucer.</p>
+
+<p>"I must not conclude without cautioning all writers without genius
+in one material point, which is, never to be afraid of having too
+much fire in their works. I should advise rather to take their
+warmest thoughts, and spread them abroad upon paper; for they are
+observed to cool before they are read."</p></div>
+
+<p>In an article on laughter by Dr. Birch, Prebendary of Worcester, we have
+the following fanciful list of those who indulge in it:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The dimplers, the smilers, the laughers, the grimacers, the
+horse-laughers.</p>
+
+<p>"The dimple is practised to give a grace to the features, and is
+frequently made a bait to entangle a gazing lover; this was called
+by the ancients the chin laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"The smile is for the most part confined to the fair sex and their
+male retinue. It expresses our satisfaction in a silent sort of
+approbation, doth not too much disorder the features, and is
+practised by lovers of the most delicate address. This tender
+motion of the physignomy the ancients called the Ionic laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"The laugh among us is the common risus of the ancients. The grin
+by writers of antiquity is called the Syncrusian, and it was then,
+as it is at this time, made use of to display a beautiful set of
+teeth.</p>
+
+<p>"The horse-laugh, or the sardonic, is made use of with great
+success in all kinds of disputation. The proficients in this kind,
+by a well-timed laugh, will baffle the most solid argument. This
+upon all occasions supplies the want of reason, is always received
+with great applause in coffee-house disputes, and that side the
+laugh joins with is generally observed to gain the better of his
+antagonist."</p></div>
+
+<p>In an amusing article upon punning, he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> gives the following instance of
+its beneficial effects:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A friend of mine who had the ague this Spring was, after the
+failing of several medicines and charms, advised by me to enter
+into a course of quibbling. He threw his electuaries out of his
+window, and took Abracadabra off from his neck, and by the mere
+force of punning upon that long magical word, threw himself into a
+fine breathing sweat, and a quiet sleep. He is now in a fair way of
+recovery, and says pleasantly, he is less obliged to the Jesuits
+for their powder, than for their equivocation."</p></div>
+
+<p>Several periodicals of a similar character were afterwards published by
+Steele and others, but they wanted the old "salt," and were not equally
+successful.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, in 1745, a humorous periodical of a somewhat different character
+was attempted, which went through eight weekly numbers. It was called
+"The Agreeable Companion; or an Universal Medley of Wit and Good
+Humour." There was little original matter in it, but the proprietor
+recognized the desirability of having pieces by various hands, and so
+made long extracts from Prior, Gay, and Fenton. Although there was a
+considerable number of epitaphs, riddles, and fables, nearly all the
+jests were well known and trite. But the subjoined have a certain amount
+of neatness.<br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 2em;"><b>To Dorcas.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oh! what bosom must but yield,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When like Pallas you advance,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With a thimble for your shield,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">And a needle for your lance;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fairest of the stitching train,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ease my passion by your art,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And in pity to my pain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mend the hole that's in my heart."</span><br /><br />
+</p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 2em;"><b>To Sally, at the Chop-house.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Dear Sally, emblem of thy chop-house ware,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As broth reviving, and as white bread fair;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As small beer grateful, and as pepper strong,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As beef-steak tender, as fresh pot-herbs young;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sharp as a knife, and piercing as a fork,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Soft as new butter, white as fairest pork;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet as young mutton, brisk as bottled beer,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Smooth as is oil, juicy as cucumber,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And bright as cruet void of vinegar.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O, Sally! could I turn and shift my love</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With the same skill that you your steaks can move,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My heart, thus cooked, might prove a chop-house feast,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And you alone should be the welcome guest.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But, dearest Sal! the flames that you impart,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like chop on gridiron, broil my tender heart!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which if thy kindly helping hand be n't nigh,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Must like an up-turned chop, hiss, brown, and fry;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And must at least, thou scorcher of my soul,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shrink, and become an undistinguished coal."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>As the idea gradually gained ground that it would be necessary that the
+public, or a considerable number of writers, should take part in the
+literary work of a periodical, we now find a more important and
+promising publication called a magazine, and having the grand title of
+"The Wonderful Magazine!" It went through three monthly numbers in 1764.
+Even this was not intended to be exclusively humorous, but was to
+contain light stories as well as paradoxes and inquiries; the editor
+observing in the introduction that "a tailor's pattern-book must consist
+of various colours and various cloths; and what one thinks<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> fashionable,
+another deems ridiculous." To help the new enterprise, an incentive to
+emulation was proposed by the offer of two silver medals, one for the
+most humorous tale, and the other for the best answer to a prize enigma.</p>
+
+<p>The Magazine contained a long story of enchantments, a dramatic scene
+full of conflicts and violence, some old <i>bons mots</i>, and pieces of
+indifferent poetry. The editor had evidently no good source to draw
+from, and the best pieces in the work are the following:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Belinda has such wondrous charms,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis heaven to be within her arms;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she's so charitably given,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She wishes all mankind in heaven."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>and</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><i>A copy of Verses on Mr. Day,</i></span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><i>Who from his Landlord ran away.</i></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Here Day and Night conspired a sudden flight,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For Day, they say, is run away by Night,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Day's past and gone. Why, landlord, where's your rent?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Did you not see that Day was almost spent?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Day pawned and sold, and put off what we might,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though it be ne'er so dark, Day will be light;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You had one Day a tenant, and would fain</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Your eyes could see that Day but once again.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No, landlord, no; now you may truly say</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(And to your cost, too,) you have lost the Day.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Day is departed in a mist; I fear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For Day is broke, and yet does not appear.</span><br />
+</p>
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"But how, now, landlord, what's the matter, pray?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What! you can't sleep, you long so much for Day?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cheer up then, man; what though you've lost a sum,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Do you not know that pay-day yet will come?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I will engage, do you but leave your sorrow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My life for yours, Day comes again to-morrow;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And for your rent&mdash;never torment your soul,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You'll quickly see Day peeping through a hole."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Births, deaths, and marriages are recorded in this Magazine, under such
+headings as "The Merry Gossips," "The Kissing Chronicle," and "The
+Undertaker's Harvest-Home," or "The Squallers&mdash;a tragi-comedy," "All for
+Love," and "Act V. Scene the Last."</p>
+
+<p>It seems to have been more easy at that time to collect wonders than
+witticisms&mdash;perhaps also the former were more appreciated, for the
+"Wonderful Magazine" was re-commenced in 1793, and went through sixty
+weekly numbers. It was intended to be humorous as well as marvellous,
+but the latter element predominated. Here we have accounts and
+engravings of witches, and of men remarkable for height and corpulence,
+for mental gifts or strange habits&mdash;a man is noticed who never took off
+his clothes for forty years. One of the most interesting biographies is
+that of Thomas Britton, known as "the musical small-coal man," who
+started the first musical society, and, notwithstanding his lowly
+calling, had great wit and literary attainments, and was intimate with
+Handel, and many noblemen. Probably he would not have obtained a place
+in this Magazine but for the circumstances of his death. There was, it
+seems, one Honeyman, a blacksmith, who was a ventriloquist, and could
+speak with his mouth closed. He was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> introduced to Britton, and, by way
+of a joke, told him in a sepulchral voice that he should die in a few
+hours. Britton never recovered the shock, but died a few days afterwards
+in 1714. Among the humorous pieces in this Magazine, we have:&mdash;<br /></p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;" class="smcap"><b>A Dreadful Sight.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a peacock with a fiery tail</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a comet drop down hail</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a cloud begirt with ivy round</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a sturdy oak creep on the ground</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a pismire swallow up a whale</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw the sea brimful of ale</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a Venice glass full six feet deep</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a well filled with men's tears that weep</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw men's eyes all in a flame of fire</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw a house high as the moon and higher</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw the sun even at midnight</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw the man who saw this dreadful sight.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>There are a few amusing anecdotes in it, such as that about Alphonso,
+King of Naples. It says that he had a fool who recorded in a book the
+follies of the great men of the Court. The king sent a Moor in his
+household to the Levant to buy horses, for which he gave him ten
+thousand ducats, and the fool marked this as a piece of folly. Some time
+afterwards the king asked for the book to look over it, was surprised to
+find his own name, and asked why it was there. "Because," said the
+jester, "you have entrusted your money to one you are never likely to
+see again." "But if he does come again," demanded the king, "and brings
+me the horses, what folly have I committed?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> "Well, if he does return,"
+replied the fool, "I'll blot out your name and put in his."</p>
+
+<p>We also find some puns remarkable for an absurdity so extravagant as to
+be noteworthy. There is a string of derivations of names of places
+constructed in the following manner:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"When the seamen on board the ship of Christopher Columbus came in
+sight of San Salvador, they burst out into exuberant mirth and
+jollity. 'The lads are in a merry key,' cried the commodore.
+America is now the name of half the globe.</p>
+
+<p>"The city of Albany was originally settled by Scotch people. When
+strangers on their arrival there asked how the new comers did, the
+answer was 'All bonny.' The spelling is now a little altered but
+the sound is the same.</p>
+
+<p>"When the French first settled on the banks of the river St.
+Lawrence, they were stinted by the intendant, Monsieur Picard, to a
+can of spruce beer a day. The people thought this measure very
+scant, and were constantly exclaiming, 'Can-a-day!' It would be
+ungenerous of any reader to require a more rational derivation of
+the word Canada."</p></div>
+
+<p>No name is more familiar to us in connection with humour than that of
+"Joe" (Josias) Miller. He was well known as a comedian, between 1710 and
+1738, and had considerable natural talent, but was unable to read. He
+owes his celebrity to popular jest books having been put forward in his
+name soon after his death.<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a> It was common at that time, as we have
+seen in the case of Scogan, for compilers to seek to give currency to
+their humorous collections by attributing them to some celebrated wit of
+the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> day. To Jo Miller was attributed the humour most effective at the
+period in which he lived, and it has since passed as a byword for that
+which is broad and pointless. Sometimes it merely suggests staleness,
+and I have heard it said that he must have been the cleverest man in the
+world, for nobody ever heard a good story related that someone did not
+afterwards say that it was "a Jo Miller."</p>
+
+<p>A question may here be raised whether these humorous sayings, which are
+similar in all ages, have been handed down or re-invented over and over
+again. It must be admitted that the minds of men have a tendency to move
+in the same direction, and may have struck upon the same points in ages
+widely separated. In reading general literature, we constantly find the
+same thought suggesting itself to different writers, and I have known
+two people, who had no acquaintance with each other, make precisely the
+same joke&mdash;original in both cases. On the other hand, the rarity of
+genuine humour has given a permanent character to many clever sayings,
+and there has always been a demand for them to enliven the convivial and
+social intercourse of mankind. Their subtlety&mdash;the small points on which
+they turn&mdash;makes it difficult to remember them, but there will be always
+some men, who will treasure them for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> the delectation of their friends.
+It is remarkable that people are never tired of repeating humorous
+sayings, though they are soon wearied of hearing a repetition of them by
+others. A man who cannot endure to hear a joke three times, will keep
+telling the same one over and over all his life, and but for this, fewer
+good stories would survive. The pleasure derived from humour, while it
+lasts, is greater than that from sentiment or wisdom; hence we repeat it
+more in daily converse than poetry or proverbs, and the constant
+reproduction of it until it is reduced to a mere phantom, causes its
+influence to appear more transient than it is.</p>
+
+<p>And hence, although humour is generally "fleeting as the flowers," some
+of the jests, which pass with us as new, are more than two thousand
+years old. Porson said that he could trace back all the "Joe Millers" to
+a Greek origin. The domestic cat&mdash;the cause of many of our household
+calamities&mdash;was in full activity in the days of Aristophanes. Then, as
+now, mourners had recourse to the friendly onion; and if Pythagoreans
+had never dreamed of a donkey becoming a man, they had often known a man
+to become a donkey. If they were not able to skin a flint, they knew
+well what was meant by "skinning a flayed dog,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> and "shearing an ass."
+These and similar sayings, being of a simple character, may have been
+due to the same thought occurring to different minds, and this may be
+the case even where there is more point; thus, "an ass laden with gold
+will get into the strongest fortress," has been attributed to Frederick
+the Great and to Napoleon, and may have been due to both. The saying
+"Treat a friend as though he would one day become an enemy," has been
+attributed to Lord Chesterfield, to Publius Syrus, and even to Bias, one
+of the Seven Wise Men of Greece. Many may exclaim, "Perish those who
+have said our good things before us!"</p>
+
+<p>But where the saying is very remarkable, or depends on some peculiar
+circumstances, we may conclude that there is one original, and that upon
+this pivot a number of different names and characters have been made to
+revolve. It has been ascribed to or appropriated by many. We have read
+of two eminent comic writers in classical times dying of laughter at
+seeing an ass eat figs. Here it is most probable that there was some
+standing joke upon this subject, or that some instance of the kind
+occurred, and so this strange death came to be attributed to several
+individuals. The saying,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"On two days is a wife enjoyable,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That of her bridal and her burial,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>attributed to Palladas in the fifth century <span class="smcap">A.D.</span>, was really
+due to Hipponax in the fifth century <span class="smcap">B.C.</span></p>
+
+<p>There is a story that Lord Stair was so like Louis XIV. that, when he
+went to the French Court, the King asked him whether his mother was ever
+in France, and that he replied "No, your Majesty, but my father was."
+This is in reality a Roman story, and the answer was made to Augustus by
+a young man from the country.</p>
+
+<p>Sydney Smith's reply when it was proposed to pave the approach to St.
+Paul's with blocks of wood, "The canons have only to put their heads
+together and it will be done," was not original; Rochester had made a
+similar remark to Charles II. when he noticed a construction near
+Shoreditch: and the story of the man who complained that the chicken
+brought up for his dinner had only one leg, and was told to go and look
+into the roost-house, is to be found in an old Turkish jest-book of the
+fifteenth century. When Byron said of Southey's poems that "they would
+be read when Homer and Virgil were forgotten&mdash;but not till then," he was
+no doubt repeating what Porson said of Sir Richard Blackmore's. "Most
+literary stories," observes Mr. Willmott, "seem to be shadows, brighter
+or fainter, of others told before.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Sterne&mdash;His Versatility&mdash;Dramatic Form&mdash;Indelicacy&mdash;Sentiment and
+Geniality&mdash;Letters to his Wife&mdash;Extracts from his Sermons&mdash;Dr.
+Johnson.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Sterne exceeded Smollett<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a> in indelicacy as much as in humorous
+talent. He calls him Smelfungus, because he had written a fastidious
+book of travels. But he profited by his works, and the character of
+Uncle Toby reminds us considerably of Commodore Trunnion. But Sterne is
+more immediately associated in our minds with Swift, for both were
+clergymen, and both Irishmen by birth, though neither by parentage.
+Sterne's great-grandfather had been Archbishop of York, and his mother
+heiress of Sir Roger Jacques, of Elvington in Yorkshire. Through family
+interest Sterne became a Prebendary of York, and obtained two livings;
+at one of which he spent his time in quiet obscurity until his
+forty-seventh year, when the production of "Tristram Shandy" made him
+famous. He did not long<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> enjoy his laurels, dying nine years afterwards
+in 1768.</p>
+
+<p>In both Sterne and Swift, as well as Congreve, we see the fertile
+erratic fancy of Ireland improved by the labour and reflection of
+England. Sterne's humour was inferior to Swift's, narrower and smaller;
+it was a sparkling wine, but light-bodied, and often bad in colour. His
+pleasantry had no depth or general bearing. He appealed to the senses,
+referred entirely to some particular and trivial coincidence, and often
+put amatory weaknesses under contribution to give it force. The current
+of his thoughts glided naturally and imperceptibly into poetry and
+humour, but his subject matter was not intellectual, though he sometimes
+showed fine emotional feeling.</p>
+
+<p>Under the head of acoustic humour we may place that abruptness of style
+which he managed so adroitly, and that dramatic punctuation, which he
+may be said to have invented, and of which no one ever else made so much
+use. No doubt he was an accomplished speaker; and we know that he had a
+good ear for music.</p>
+
+<p>There is something in Sterne which reminds us of a conjurer exhibiting
+tricks on the stage; in one place indeed, he speaks of his cap and
+bells, and no doubt many would have thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> them more suitable to him
+than a cap and gown. He was a versatile man; fond of light and artistic
+pursuits, occupying, as he tells us, his leisure time with books,
+painting, fiddling, and shooting. In his nature there was much emotion
+and exuberance of mind, being that of an accomplished rather than of a
+thoughtful man; and we can believe when he avers that he "said a
+thousand things he never dreamed of." He had not sufficient foundation
+for humour of the highest kind; but in form and diction he was
+unrivalled. Perhaps this was why Thackeray said "he was a great jester,
+not a great humorist." But he had a dashing style, and the quick
+succession of ideas necessary for a successful author. Not only was he
+master of writing, but of the kindred art of rhetoric. He makes a
+correction in the accentuation of Corporal Trim, who begins to read a
+sermon with the text,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"<i>For we trust we have a good conscience.</i> Heb. xiii., 8.
+'<span class="smcap">Trust!</span> Trust we have a good conscience!!' 'Certainly,'
+Trim, quoth my father, interrupting him, 'you give that sentence a
+very improper accent, for you curl up your nose, man, and read it
+with such a sneering tone, as if the parson was going to abuse the
+apostle.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>The same kind of discrimination is shown in the following&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'And how did Garrick speak the soliloquy last night?' 'Oh, against
+all rule, my lord&mdash;most ungrammatically. Betwixt the substantive
+and the adjective, which should agree together in number, case, and
+gender, he made a breach thus, stopping, as if the point wanted
+settling; and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> betwixt the nominative case, which your lordship
+knows should govern the verb, he suspended his voice in the
+epilogue a dozen times, three seconds and three-fifths by a stop
+watch, my lord, each time.' 'Admirable grammarism!' 'But in
+suspending his voice, was the sense suspended likewise? Did no
+expression of attitude or countenance fill up the chasm? Was the
+eye silent? Did you narrowly look?' 'I looked only at the stop
+watch, my lord.' 'Excellent observer!'"</p></div>
+
+<p>His sensibility and taste in this direction was probably one of the
+bonds of the close intimacy, which existed between himself and David
+Garrick.</p>
+
+<p>We find among his works, numerous instances of his peculiar and artistic
+punctuation. Sometimes he continues an exclamation by means of dashes
+for three lines. Sometimes, by way of pause, he leaves out a whole page,
+and the first time he does this he humorously adds:&mdash;"Thrice happy book!
+thou wilt have one page which malice cannot blacken." One of the
+chapters of Tristram begins&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"And a chapter it shall have."</p>
+
+<p>"A sermon commences&mdash;Judges xix. 1. 2. 3.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'And it came to pass in those days, when there was no king in
+Israel, that there was a certain Levite sojourning on the side of
+Mount Ephraim, who took unto himself a concubine.'</p>
+
+<p>"'A concubine! but the text accounts for it, for in those days
+'there was no king in Israel!' then the Levite, you will say, like
+every other man in it, did what was right in his own eyes; and so,
+you may add, did his concubine too, for she went away.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Another from Ecclesiastes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'It is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of
+feasting.'&mdash;Eccl. vii. 2.</p>
+
+<p>"That I deny&mdash;but let us hear the wise man's reasoning for
+it:&mdash;'for that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to
+his heart; sorrow is better than laughter, for a crack-brained
+order of enthusiastic monks, I grant, but not for men of the
+world.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Of course, he introduces this cavil to combat it, but still maintains
+that travellers may be allowed to amuse themselves with the beauties of
+the country they are passing through.</p>
+
+<p>The following represents his arrival in the Paris of his day&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Crack, crack! crack, crack! crack, crack!&mdash;so this is Paris! quoth
+I,&mdash;and this is Paris!&mdash;humph!&mdash;Paris! cried I, repeating the name
+the third time."</p>
+
+<p>"The first, the finest, the most brilliant!</p>
+
+<p>"The streets, however, are nasty.</p>
+
+<p>"But it looks, I suppose, better than it smells. Crack, crack!
+crack, crack! what a fuss thou makest! as if it concerned the good
+people to be informed that a man with a pale face, and clad in
+black had the honour to be driven into Paris at nine o'clock at
+night, by a postillion in a tawny yellow jerkin, turned up with a
+red calamanco! Crack! crack! crack! crack! crack! I wish thy
+whip&mdash;&mdash;But it is the spirit of the nation; so crack, crack on."</p></div>
+
+<p>Here is another instance;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Ptr&mdash;r&mdash;r&mdash;ing&mdash;twing&mdash;twang&mdash;prut&mdash;trut;&mdash;'tis a cursed bad
+fiddle. Do you know whether my fiddle's in tune or no?&mdash;trut&mdash;prut.
+They should be fifths. 'Tis wickedly strung&mdash;tr&mdash;a, e, i, o, u,
+twang. The bridge is a mile too high, and the sound post absolutely
+down,&mdash;else,&mdash;trut&mdash;prut.</p>
+
+<p>"Hark! 'tis not so bad in tone. Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle,
+diddle, diddle, dum. There is nothing in playing before good
+judges; but there's a man there&mdash;no, not him with the bundle under
+his arm&mdash;the grave man in black,&mdash;'sdeath! not the man with the
+sword on. Sir, I had rather play a capriccio to Calliope herself
+than draw my bow across my fiddle before that very man; and yet
+I'll stake my Cremona to a Jew's trump, which is the greatest<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> odds
+that ever were laid, that I will this moment stop three hundred and
+fifty leagues out of time upon my fiddle without punishing one
+single nerve that belongs to him. Twiddle diddle,&mdash;tweddle
+diddle,&mdash;twiddle diddle,&mdash;twoddle diddle,&mdash;twiddle
+diddle;&mdash;prut-trut&mdash;krish&mdash;krash&mdash;krush,&mdash;I've outdone you, Sir,
+but you see he's no worse; and was Apollo to take his fiddle after
+me, he can make him no better. Diddle diddle; diddle diddle, diddle
+diddle,&mdash;hum&mdash;dum&mdash;drum.</p>
+
+<p>"Your worships and your reverences love music, and God has made you
+all with good ears, and some of you play delightfully yourselves;
+trut-prut&mdash;prut-trut."</p></div>
+
+<p>In the following passages we may also observe that peculiar neat and
+dramatic form of expression for which Sterne was remarkable.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'Are we not,' continued Corporal Trim, looking still at
+Susanah&mdash;'Are we not like a flower of the field?' A tear of pride
+stole in betwixt every two tears of humiliation&mdash;else no tongue
+could have described Susanah's affliction&mdash;'Is not all flesh
+grass?&mdash;'Tis clay&mdash;'tis dirt.' They all looked directly at the
+scullion;&mdash;the scullion had been just scouring a fish kettle&mdash;It
+was not fair.</p>
+
+<p>"'What is the finest face man ever looked at?' 'I could hear Trim
+talk so for ever,' cried Susanah, 'What is it?' Susanah laid her
+head on Trim's shoulder&mdash;'but corruption!'&mdash;Susanah took it off.</p>
+
+<p>"Now I love you for this;&mdash;and 'tis this delicious mixture within
+you, which makes you dear creatures what you are;&mdash;and he, who
+hates you for it&mdash;all I can say of the matter is&mdash;that he has
+either a pumpkin for his head, or a pippin for his heart...."</p>
+
+<p>"Wanting the remainder of a fragment of paper on which he found an
+amusing story, he asked his French servant for it; La Fleur said he
+had wrapped it round the stalks of a bouquet, which he had given to
+his <i>demoiselle</i> upon the Boulevards. 'Then, prithee, La Fleur,'
+said I 'step back to her, and see if thou canst get it.' 'There is
+no doubt of it,' said La Fleur, and away he flew.</p>
+
+<p>"In a very little time the poor fellow came back quite out of
+breath, with deeper marks of disappointment in his looks than would
+arise from the simple irreparability of the payment. <i>Juste ciel!</i>
+in less than two minutes that the poor fellow had taken his last
+farewell of her&mdash;his faithless mistress had given his <i>gage
+d'amour</i> to one of the Count's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> footmen&mdash;the footman to a young
+semptress&mdash;and the semptress to a fiddler, with my fragment at the
+end of it. Our misfortunes were involved together&mdash;I gave a sigh,
+and La Fleur echoed it back to my ear. 'How perfidious!' cried La
+Fleur, 'How unlucky,' said I.</p>
+
+<p>"'I should not have been mortified, Monsieur,' quoth La Fleur, 'If
+she had lost it.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Nor I, La Fleur,' said I, 'had I found it.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>We very commonly form our opinion of an Author's character from his
+writings, and there is no doubt that his tendencies can scarcely fail to
+betray themselves to a careful observer. But experience has generally
+taught him to curb or quicken his feelings according to the notions of
+the public taste, so that he often expresses the sentiments of others
+rather than his own. Hence a literary friend once observed to me that a
+man is very different from what his writings would lead you to suppose.
+I think there are certain indications in Sterne's writings that he
+introduced those passages to which objection was justly taken for the
+purpose of catching the favour of the public. He had already published
+some Sermons, which, he says, "found neither purchasers nor readers."</p>
+
+<p>Conscious of his talent, and being no doubt reminded of it by his
+friends, he wished to obtain a field for it, and determined now to try a
+different course. He wrote "Tristram Shandy" as he says "not to be fed,
+but to be famous,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> and so just was the opinion of what would please the
+age in which he lived that we find the quiet country rector suddenly
+transformed into the most popular literary man of the day,&mdash;going up to
+London and receiving more invitations than he could accept. He had made
+his gold current by a considerable admixture of alloy; and endeavoured
+to excuse his offences of this kind by a variety of subterfuges. Upon
+one occasion, he compared them to the antics of children which although
+unseemly, are performed with perfect innocence.</p>
+
+<p>Of course this was a jest. Sterne was not living in a Paradisaical age,
+and he intentionally overstept the boundaries of decorum. But granting
+he had an object in view, was he justified in adopting such means to
+obtain it? certainly not; but he had some right to laugh, as he does, at
+the inconsistency of the public, who, while they blamed his books,
+bought up the editions of them as fast as they could be issued.</p>
+
+<p>If Sterne's humour was often offensive, we must in justice admit it was
+never cynical. Had it possessed more satire it would have, perhaps, been
+more instructive, but there was a bright trait in Sterne's character,
+that he never<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> accused others. On the contrary, he censures men who,
+"wishing to be thought witty, and despairing of coming honestly by the
+title, try to affect it by shrewd and sarcastic reflections upon
+whatever is done in the world. This is setting up trade with the broken
+stock of other people's failings&mdash;perhaps their misfortunes&mdash;so, much
+good may it do them with what honour they can get&mdash;the farthest extent
+of which, I think, is to be praised, as we do some sauces&mdash;with tears in
+our eyes. It has helped to give a bad name to wit, as if the main
+essence of it was satire."</p>
+
+<p>Sterne had no personal enmities; his faults were all on the amiable
+side, nor can we imagine a selfish cold-hearted sensualist writing "Dear
+Sensibility, source inexhausted by all that is precious in our joys, or
+costly in our sorrows." His letters to his wife before their marriage
+exhibit the most tender and beautiful sentiments;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"My L&mdash;&mdash; talks of leaving the country; may a kind angel guide thy
+steps hither&mdash;Thou sayest thou will quit the place with regret;&mdash;I
+think I see you looking twenty times a day at the house&mdash;almost
+counting every brick and pane of glass, and telling them at the
+same time with a sigh, you are going to leave them&mdash;Oh, happy
+modification of matter! they will remain insensible to thy loss.
+But how wilt thou be able to part with thy garden? the recollection
+of so many pleasant walks must have endeared it to you. The trees,
+the shrubs, the flowers, which thou reared with thy own hands, will
+they not droop, and fade away<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> sooner upon thy departure? Who will
+be thy successor to raise them in thy absence? Thou wilt leave thy
+name upon the myrtle tree&mdash;If trees, shrubs, and flowers could
+compose an elegy, I should expect a very plaintive one on this
+subject."</p></div>
+
+<p>In the course of one of his sermons he writes very characteristically&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Let the torpid monk seek heaven comfortless and alone, God speed
+him! For my own part, I fear I should never so find the way; let me
+be wise and religious, but let me be man; wherever Thy Providence
+places me, or whatever be the road I take to get to Thee, give me
+some companion in my journey, be it only to remark to. 'How our
+shadows lengthen as the sun goes down,' to whom I may say, 'How
+fresh is the face of nature! How sweet the flowers of the field!
+How delicious are these fruits!'"</p></div>
+
+<p>We believe these to have been sincere expressions&mdash;inside his motley
+garb he had a heart of tenderness. It went forth to all, even to the
+animal world&mdash;to the caged starling. Some may attribute the ebullitions
+of feeling in his works to affectation, but those who have read them
+attentively will observe the same impulses too generally predominant to
+be the work of design. The story of the prisoner Le Fevre and of Maria
+bear the brightest testimony to his character in this respect. What
+sentiments can surpass in poetic beauty or religious feeling that in
+which he commends the distraught girl to the beneficence of the Almighty
+who "tempers the wind to the shorn lamb."</p>
+
+<p>We have no proof that Sterne was a dissipated man. He expressly denies
+it in a letter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> written shortly before his death, and in another, he
+says, "The world has imagined because I wrote 'Tristram Shandy,' that I
+myself was more Shandean than I really was." In his day many, not only
+of the laity, but of the clergy, thought little of indulging in coarse
+jests, and of writing poetry which contained much more wit than decency.
+Sterne having lived in retirement until 1759, must have had a feeble
+constitution, for in the Spring of 1762 he broke a blood vessel, and
+again in the same Autumn he "bled the bed full," owing, as he says, to
+the temperature of Paris, which was "as hot as Nebuchadnezzar's oven."
+He complains of the fatigue of writing and preaching, and these
+dangerous attacks were constantly recurring, until the time of his
+death.</p>
+
+<p>Sterne's sermons went through seven editions. They are not doctrinal,
+but enjoin benevolence and charity. There is not so much humour in them
+as in some of the present day, but he sometimes gives point to his
+reflections.</p>
+
+<p>On the subject of religious fanaticism he says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"When a poor disconsolate drooping creature is terrified from all
+enjoyments&mdash;prays without ceasing till his imagination is
+heated&mdash;fasts and mortifies and mopes till his body is in as bad a
+plight as his mind, is it a wonder that the mechanical disturbances
+and conflicts of an empty belly, interpreted by an empty head,
+should be mistaken for the workings of a different kind to what
+they are? or that in such a situation every commotion should help
+to fix him in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> this malady, and make him a fitter subject for the
+treatment of a physician than of a divine.</p>
+
+<p>"The insolence of base minds in success is boundless&mdash;not unlike
+some little particles of matter struck off from the surface of the
+dial by the sunshine, they dance and sport there while it lasts,
+but the moment it is withdrawn they fall down&mdash;for dust they are,
+and unto dust they will return.</p>
+
+<p>"When Absalom is cast down, Shimei is the first man who hastens to
+meet David; and had the wheel turned round a hundred times. Shimei,
+I dare say, at every period of its rotation, would have been
+uppermost. Oh, Shimei! would to heaven when thou wast slain, that
+all thy family had been slain with thee, and not one of thy
+resemblance left! but ye have multiplied exceedingly and
+replenished the earth; and if I prophecy rightly, ye will in the
+end subdue it."</p></div>
+
+<p>Dr. Johnson speaks of "the man Sterne," and was jealous of his receiving
+so many more invitations than himself. But the good Doctor with all his
+learning and intellectual endowments was not so pleasant a companion as
+Sterne, and, although sometimes sarcastic, had none of his talent for
+humour.</p>
+
+<p>Johnson wrote some pretty Anacreontics, but his turn of mind was rather
+grave than gay. He was generally pompous, which together with his
+self-sufficiency led Cowper, somewhat irreverently, to call him a
+"prig." Among his few light and humorous snatches, we have lines written
+in ridicule of certain poems published in 1777&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Wheresoe'er I turn my view,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">All is strange, yet nothing new;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Endless labour all along,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Endless labour to be wrong:</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Phrase that time has flung away</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Uncouth words in disarray,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tricked in antique ruff and bonnet</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ode, and elegy, and sonnet."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>An imitation&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Hermit poor in solemn cell</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wearing out life's evening grey,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Strike thy bosom sage and tell</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which is bliss, and which the way.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Thus I spoke, and speaking sighed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Scarce repressed the starting tear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When the hoary sage replyed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Come my lad, and drink some beer.'"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The following is an impromptu conceit. "To Mrs. Thrale, on her
+completing her thirty-fifth year."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oft in danger, yet alive,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We are come to thirty-five;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Long may better years arrive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Better years than thirty-five,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Could philosophers contrive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Life to stop at thirty-five,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Time his hours should never drive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O'er the bounds of thirty-five.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">High to soar, and deep to dive,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nature gives at thirty-five,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ladies stock and tend your hive,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Trifle not at thirty-five,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For howe'er we boast and strive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Life declines from thirty-five.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He that ever hopes to thrive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Must begin by thirty-five,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all who wisely wish to wive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Must look on Thrale at thirty-five."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>There is a pleasing mixture of wisdom and humour in the following stanza
+written to Miss Thrale on hearing her consulting a friend as to a dress
+and hat she was inclined to wear&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Wear the gown and wear the hat</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Snatch thy pleasures while they last,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had'st thou nine lives like a cat</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Soon those nine lives would be past."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Johnson's friends Garrick and Foote, although so great in the mimetic
+art, do not deserve any particular mention as writers of comedy.</p>
+
+<p>It is said that Garrick went to a school in Tichfield at which Johnson
+was an usher, and that master and pupil came up to London together to
+seek their fortunes. But although Garrick became the first of comic
+actors, he produced nothing literary but a few indifferent farces. The
+same may be said of Foote, who was also a celebrated wit in
+conversation. Johnson said, "For loud, obstreperous, broad-faced mirth,
+I know not his equal."</p>
+
+<p>One of Dr. Johnson's friends was Mrs. Charlotte Lennox to whom he gives
+the palm among literary ladies. Up to this time there were few lady
+humorists, and none of an altogether respectable description. But Mrs.
+Lennox appeared as a harbinger of that refined and harmless pleasantry
+which has since sparkled through the pages of our best authoresses. She
+wrote a comedy, poems, and novels, her most remarkable production being
+the Female Quixote. Here a young lady who had been reading romances,
+enacts the heroine with very amusing results. In plan the work is a
+close imitation of Don Quixote but the character is not so natural as
+that drawn by Cervantes.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Dodsley&mdash;"A Muse in Livery"&mdash;"The Devil's a Dunce"&mdash;"The Toy
+Shop"&mdash;Fielding&mdash;Smollett.</p></div>
+
+<p>Robert Dodsley was born in 1703. He was the son of a schoolmaster in
+Mansfield, but went into domestic service as a footman, and held several
+respectable situations. While in this capacity, he employed his leisure
+time in composing poetry, and he appropriately named his first
+production "A Muse in Livery." The most pleasant and interesting of
+these early poems is that in which he gives an account of his daily
+life, showing how observant a footman may be. It is in the form of an
+epistle:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Dear friend,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Since I am now at leisure,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And in the country taking pleasure,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It may be worth your while to hear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A silly footman's business there;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'll try to tell in easy rhyme</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How I in London spent my time.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And first,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As soon as laziness would let me</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I rise from bed, and down I sit me</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To cleaning glasses, knives, and plate,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And such like dirty work as that,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which (by the bye) is what I hate!</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">This done, with expeditious care</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To dress myself I straight prepare,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I clean my buckles, black my shoes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Powder my wig and brush my clothes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Take off my beard and wash my face,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then I'm ready for the chase.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Down comes my lady's woman straight,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Where's Robin?' 'Here!' 'Pray take your hat</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And go&mdash;and go&mdash;and go&mdash;and go&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this and that desire to know.'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The charge received, away run I</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And here and there, and yonder fly,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With services and 'how d'ye does,'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then home return well fraught with news.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here some short time does interpose</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Till warm effluvias greet my nose,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which from the spits and kettles fly,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Declaring dinner time is nigh.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To lay the cloth I now prepare</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With uniformity and care;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In order knives and forks are laid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With folded napkins, salt, and bread:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The sideboards glittering too appear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With plate and glass and china-ware.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then ale and beer and wine decanted,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all things ready which are wanted.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The smoking dishes enter in,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To stomachs sharp a grateful scene;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which on the table being placed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And some few ceremonies past,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They all sit down and fall to eating,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whilst I behind stand silent waiting.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This is the only pleasant hour</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which I have in the twenty-four.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For whilst I unregarded stand,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With ready salver in my hand,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And seem to understand no more</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Than just what's called for out to pour,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I hear and mark the courtly phrases,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all the elegance that passes;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Disputes maintained without digression,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With ready wit and fine expression;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The laws of true politeness stated,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And what good breeding is, debated.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">This happy hour elapsed and gone,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The time for drinking tea comes on,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The kettle filled, the water boiled,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">The cream provided, biscuits piled,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And lamp prepared, I straight engage</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Lilliputian equipage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of dishes, saucers, spoons and tongs,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all the et cetera which thereto belongs;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which ranged in order and decorum</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I carry in and set before 'em,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then pour the green or bohea out,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And as commanded hand about."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>After the early dinner and "dish" of tea, his mistress goes out visiting
+in the evening, and Dodsley precedes her with a flambeau.</p>
+
+<p>Another fancy was entitled "The Devil's a Dunce," was directed against
+the Pope.<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> Two friends apply to him for absolution, one rich and the
+other poor. The rich man obtained the pardon, but the poor sued in vain,
+the Pope replying:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I cannot save you if I would,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor would I do it if I could."</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Home goes the man in deep despair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And died soon after he came there,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And went 'tis said to hell: but sure</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He was not there for being poor!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But long he had not been below</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Before he saw his friend come too.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At this he was in great surprise</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And scarcely could believe his eyes,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">'What! friend,' said he, 'are you come too?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I thought the Pope had pardoned you.'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Yes,' quoth the man, 'I thought so too,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But I was by the Pope trepanned,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>The devil couldn't read his hand.</i>'"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The footman's next literary attempt was in a dramatic poem named "The
+Toy-Shop," and he had the courage to send it to Pope. Why he selected
+this poet does not plainly appear; by some it is said that his then
+mistress introduced her servant's poems to Pope's notice, but it is not
+improbable that Dodsley had heard of him from his brother, who was
+gardener to Mr. Allen of Prior Park, Bath, where Pope was often on a
+visit. However this may have been, he received a very kind letter from
+the poet, and an introduction to Mr. Rich, whose approval of the piece
+led to its being performed at Covent Garden.<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a> This play was the
+foundation of Dodsley's fortune. By means of the money thus obtained, he
+set himself up as a bookseller in Pall Mall, and became known to the
+world of rank and genius. He produced successively "The King and the
+Miller of Mansfield," and "The Blind Beggar of Bethnal Green." He
+published for Pope, and in 1738, Samuel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> Johnson sold his first original
+publication to him for ten guineas. He suggested to Dr. Johnson the
+scheme of writing an English Dictionary, and also, in conjunction with
+Edmund Burke, commenced the "Annual Register." Dodsley's principal work
+was the "Economy of Human Life," written in an aphoristic style, and
+ascribed to Lord Chesterfield. He also made a collection of six volumes
+of contemporary poems, and they show how much rarer humour was than
+sentiment, for Dodsley was not a man to omit anything sparkling. The
+following imitation of Ambrose Philips&mdash;a general butt&mdash;has merit:<br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 1em;"><b>A Pipe Of Tobacco.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Little tube of mighty power,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Charmer of an idle hour,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Object of my warm desire</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lip of wax, and eye of fire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thy snowy taper waist</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With my finger gently braced,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thy pretty smiling crest</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With my little stopper pressed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the sweetest bliss of blisses</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Breathing from thy balmy kisses,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Happy thrice and thrice again</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Happiest he of happy men,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who, when again the night returns,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When again the taper burns,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When again the cricket's gay,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Little cricket full of play),</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can afford his tube to feed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With the fragrant Indian weed.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pleasures for a nose divine</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Incense of the god of wine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Happy thrice and thrice again,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Happiest he of happy men.</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Few humorous writers have attained to a greater celebrity than Fielding.
+He was born in 1707, was a son of General Fielding, and a relative of
+Lord Denbigh. In his early life, his works, which were comedies, were
+remarkable for severe satire, and some of them so political as to be
+instrumental in leading to the Chamberlain's supervision of the stage.
+His turn of mind was decidedly cynical.</p>
+
+<p>In the "Pleasures of the Town," we have many songs, of which the
+following is a specimen:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The stone that always turns at will</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To gold, the chemist craves;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But gold, without the chemist's skill,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Turns all men into knaves.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The merchant would the courtier cheat,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When on his goods he lays</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Too high a price&mdash;but faith he's bit&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For a courtier never pays.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The lawyer with a face demure,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hangs him who steals your pelf,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Because the good man can endure</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No robber but himself.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Betwixt the quack and highwayman,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What difference can there be?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tho' this with pistol, that with pen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Both kill you for a fee."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>His plays were not very successful. They abounded in witty sallies and
+repartee, but the general plot was not humorous. The jollity was of a
+rough farcical character. It was said he left off writing for the stage<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>
+when he should have begun. He took little care with his plays, and would
+go home late from a tavern, and bring a dramatic scene in the morning,
+written on the paper in which he had wrapped his tobacco.</p>
+
+<p>In many of his works he shows a mind approaching that of the Roman
+satirists. Speaking of "Jonathan Wild," he says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I think we may be excused for suspecting that the splendid palaces
+of the great are often no other than Newgate with the mask on; nor
+do I know anything which can raise an honest man's indignation
+higher than that the same morals should be in one place attended
+with all imaginary misery and infamy, and in the other with the
+highest luxury and honour. Let any impartial man in his senses be
+asked, for which of these two places a composition of cruelty,
+lust, avarice, rapine, insolence, hypocrisy, fraud, and treachery
+is best fitted? Surely his answer will be certain and immediate;
+and yet I am afraid all these ingredients glossed over with wealth
+and a title have been treated with the highest respect and
+veneration in the one, while one or two of them have been condemned
+to the gallows in the other. If there are, then, any men of such
+morals, who dare call themselves great, and are so reputed, or
+called at least, by the deceived multitude, surely a little private
+censure by the few is a very moderate tax for them to pay."</p></div>
+
+<p>There is a considerable amount of humour in Fielding's "Journey from
+this World to the Next." He represents the spirits as drawing lots
+before they enter this life as to what their destinies are to be, and he
+introduces a sort of migration of souls, in which Julian becomes a king,
+fool, tailor, beggar, &amp;c. As a tailor, he speaks of the dignity of his
+calling, "the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> prince gives the title, but the tailor makes the man." Of
+course his reflections turn very much upon his bills.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Courtiers," he says, "may be divided into two sorts, very
+essentially different from each other; into those who never intend
+to pay for their clothes, and those who do intend to pay for them,
+but are never able. Of the latter sort are many of those young
+gentlemen whom we equip out for the army, and who are, unhappily
+for us, cast off before they arrive at preferment. This is the
+reason why tailors in time of war are mistaken for politicians by
+their inquisitiveness into the event of battles, one campaign very
+often proving the ruin of half-a-dozen of us."</p></div>
+
+<p>Julian also gives his experience during his life as a beggar, showing
+that his life was not so very miserable.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I married a charming young woman for love; she was the daughter of
+a neighbouring beggar, who with an improvidence too often seen,
+spent a very large income, which he procured from his profession,
+so that he was able to give her no fortune down. However, at his
+death he left her a very well-accustomed begging hut situated on
+the side of a steep hill, where travellers could not immediately
+escape from us; and a garden adjoining, being the twenty-eighth
+part of an acre well-planted. She made the best of wives, bore me
+nineteen children, and never failed to get my supper ready against
+my return home&mdash;this being my favourite meal, and at which I, as
+well as my whole family, greatly enjoyed ourselves."</p>
+
+<p>"No profession," he observes, "requires a deeper insight into human
+nature than a beggar's. Their knowledge of the passions of men is
+so extensive, that I have often thought it would be of no little
+service to a politician to have his education among them. Nay,
+there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than
+is imagined: for both concur in their first and grand principle, it
+being equally their business to delude and impose on mankind. It
+must be admitted that they differ widely in the degree of
+advantage, which they make of their deceit; for whereas the beggar
+is contented with a little, the politician leaves but a little
+behind."</p></div>
+
+<p>There is a considerable amount of indelicacy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> in the episodes in "Tom
+Jones," and also of hostility, which is exhibited in the rough form of
+pugilistic encounters, so as almost to remind us of the old comic stage.
+He seems especially fond of settling quarrels in this way, and wishes
+that no other was ever used, and that "iron should dig no bowels but
+those of the earth." The character of Deborah Wilkins, the old maid who
+is shocked at the frivolity of Jenny Jones; of Thwackum, the
+schoolmaster, whose "meditations were full of birch;" and of the barber,
+whose jests, although they brought him so many slaps and kicks "would
+come," are excellent. There is a vast fertility of humour in his pages,
+which depending upon the general circumstances and peculiar characters
+of the persons introduced, cannot be easily appreciated in extracts. The
+following, however, can be understood easily:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'I thought there must be a devil,' the sergeant says to the
+innkeeper, 'notwithstanding what the officers said, though one of
+them was a captain, for methought, thinks I to myself, if there be
+no devil how can wicked people be sent to him? and I have read all
+that upon a book.' 'Some of your officers,' quoth the landlord,
+'will find there is a devil to their shame, I believe. I don't
+question but he'll pay off some old scores upon my account. Here
+was one quartered upon me half-a-year, who had the conscience to
+take up one of my best beds, though he hardly spent a shilling a
+day in the house, and his man went to roast cabbages at the kitchen
+fire, because I would not give them a dinner on Sunday. Every good
+Christian must desire that there should be a devil for the
+punishment of such wretches....'"</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Man of the Hill gives his travelling experiences:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'In Italy the landlords are very silent. In France they are more
+talkative, but yet civil. In Germany and Holland they are generally
+very impertinent. And as for their honesty I believe it is pretty
+equal in all those countries.... As for my own part, I past through
+all these nations, as you perhaps may have through a crowd at a
+show, jostling to get by them, holding my nose with one hand, and
+defending my pockets with the other, without speaking a word to any
+of them while I was pressing on to see what I wanted to see.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Did you not find some of the nations less troublesome to you than
+the others?' said Jones.</p>
+
+<p>"'Oh, yes,' replied the old man, 'the Turks were much more
+tolerable to me than the Christians, for they are men of profound
+taciturnity, and never disturb a stranger with questions. Now and
+then, indeed, they bestow a short curse upon him, or spit in his
+face as he walks in the streets, but then they have done with
+him.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>From another passage, we find that ladies are armed with very deadly
+weapons. He had said that Love was no more capable of allaying hunger
+than a rose is capable of delighting the ear, or a violin of gratifying
+the smell, and he gives an instance:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Say then, ye graces, you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of
+Seraphina's countenance, what were the weapons used to captivate
+the heart of Mr. Jones. First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose
+bright orbs flashed lightning at their discharge, flew off two
+pointed ogles; but, happily for our hero, hit only a vast piece of
+beef, which he was then conveying into his plate. The fair warrior
+perceived their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom
+drew forth a deadly sigh; a sigh, which none could have heard
+unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen
+beaux&mdash;so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating air must
+have found its subtle way to the heart of our hero, had it not
+luckily been driven from his ears by the coarse bubbling of some
+bottled ale which at that time he was pouring forth. Many other
+weapons<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> did she essay; but the god of eating (if there be any such
+deity) preserved his votary; or, perhaps, the security of Jones may
+be accounted for by natural means, for, as love frequently
+preserves from the attacks of hunger, so may hunger possibly, in
+some cases, defend us against love. No sooner was the cloth
+removed, than she again began her operations. First, having planted
+her right eye sideways against Mr. Jones, she shot from its corner
+a most penetrating glance, which, though great part of its force
+was spent before it reached our hero, did not vent itself without
+effect. This, the fair one perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes,
+and levelled them downwards as if she was concerned only for what
+she had done, though by this means she designed only to draw him
+from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes, through which she
+intended to surprise his heart. And now gently lifting those two
+bright orbs, which had already begun to make an impression on poor
+Jones, she discharged a volley of small charms from her whole
+countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth or of joy, but a smile
+of affection, which most ladies have always ready at their command,
+and which serves them to show at once their good-humour, their
+pretty dimples, and their white teeth.</p>
+
+<p>"This smile our hero received full in his eyes, and was immediately
+staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the
+enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on
+foot between the parties, during which the artful fair so slily and
+imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued
+the heart of our hero before she again repaired to acts of
+hostility. To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr. Jones maintained a
+kind of Dutch defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison
+without duly weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia."</p></div>
+
+<p>It has generally been the custom to couple the name of Smollett with
+that of Fielding, but the former has scarcely any claim to be regarded
+as a humorist, except such as is largely due to the use of gross
+indelicacy and coarse caricature. He first attempted poetry, and wrote
+two dull satires "Advice" and "Reproof." His "Ode to Mirth," is somewhat
+sprightly, but of his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> songs the following is a favourable specimen:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"From the man whom I love, though my heart I disguise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I will freely describe the wretch I despise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And if he has sense but to balance a straw</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"A wit without sense, without fancy, a beau,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like a parrot he chatters, and struts like a crow;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A peacock in pride, in grimace a baboon,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In courage a hind, in conceit a gascon.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"As a vulture rapacious, in falsehood a fox,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Inconstant as waves, and unfeeling as rocks,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As a tiger ferocious, perverse as a hog,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In mischief an ape, and in fawning a dog.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"In a word, to sum up all his talents together,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His heart is of lead, and his brain is of feather,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet if he has sense to balance a straw</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Although Smollett indulged in great coarseness, I doubt whether he has
+anything more humorous in his writings than the above lines. Sir Walter
+Scott formed a more just opinion of him than some later critics. He
+says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Smollett's humour arises from the situation of the persons, or the
+peculiarity of their external appearance, as Roderick Random's
+carroty locks, which hung down over his shoulders like a pound of
+candles; or Strap's ignorance of London, and the blunders that
+follow it. There is a tone of vulgarity about all his productions."</p></div>
+
+<p>Smollett was born in Dumbartonshire in 1721. He became a surgeon, and
+for six or seven years was employed in the Navy in that capacity. This
+may account for the strong flavour of brine and tar in the best of his
+works&mdash;his sea sketches have a considerable amount of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> character in
+them&mdash;sometimes rather too much. His liberal use of nautical language is
+exhibited when Lieutenant Hatchway is going away,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Trunnion, not a little affected, turned his eye ruefully upon the
+lieutenant saying in piteous tone, 'What! leave me at last, Jack,
+after we have weathered so many hard gales together? Damn my limbs!
+I thought you had been more of an honest heart: I looked upon you
+as my foremast and Tom Pipes as my mizen; now he is carried away;
+if so be as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed d'ye see,
+the first squall will bring me by the board. Damn ye, if in case I
+have given offence, can't you speak above board, and I shall make
+you amends."</p></div>
+
+<p>Some idea of his best comic scenes, which have a certain kind of
+humorous merit, may be obtained from the following description of the
+progress of Commodore Trunnion and his party to the Wedding. Wishing to
+go in state, they advance on horseback, and are seen crossing the road
+obliquely so as to avoid the eye of the wind. The cries of a pack of
+hounds unfortunately reach the horses' ears, who being hunters,
+immediately start off after them in full gallop.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Lieutenant, whose steed had got the heels of the others,
+finding it would be great folly and presumption in him to pretend
+to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, very wisely took the
+opportunity of throwing himself off in his passage through a field
+of rich clover, among which he lay at his ease; and seeing his
+captain advancing at full gallop, hailed him with the salutation of
+'What cheer? ho!' The Commodore, who was in infinite distress,
+eyeing him askance, as he passed replied with a faltering voice, 'O
+damn ye! you are safe at an anchor, I wish to God I were as fast
+moored.' Nevertheless, conscious of his disabled heel, he would not
+venture to try the experiment that had succeeded so well with
+Hatchway, but resolved to stick as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> close as possible to his
+horse's back, until Providence should interpose in his behalf. With
+this view he dropped his whip, and with his right hand laid fast
+hold of the pommel, contracting every muscle of his body to secure
+himself in the seat, and grinning most formidably in consequence of
+this exertion. In this attitude he was hurried on a considerable
+way, when all of a sudden his view was comforted by a five-bar gate
+that appeared before him, as he never doubted that there the career
+of his hunter must necessarily end. But alas! he reckoned without
+his host. Far from halting at this obstruction, the horse sprang
+over with amazing agility, to the utter confusion and disorder of
+his owner, who lost his hat and periwig in the leap, and now began
+to think in good earnest that he was actually mounted on the back
+of the devil. He recommended himself to God, his reflection forsook
+him, his eyesight and all his other senses failed, he quitted the
+reins, and fastening by instinct on the main, was in this condition
+conveyed into the midst of the sportsmen, who were astonished at
+the sight of such an apparition. Neither was their surprise to be
+wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that presented itself to
+their view."</p></div>
+
+<p>Smollett delights in practical jokes, fighting, and violent language.
+Sometimes we are almost in danger of the dagger. He rejoices in fun, in
+such scenes as that of Random fighting Captain Weasel with the
+roasting-spit, and what he says in "Humphrey Clinker" of the ladies, at
+a party in Bath, might better apply to his own dialogues. "Some cried,
+some swore, and the tropes and figures of Billingsgate were used without
+reserve in all their native rest and flavour."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Cowper&mdash;Lady Austen's Influence&mdash;"John Gilpin"&mdash;"The
+Task"&mdash;Goldsmith&mdash;"The Citizen of the World"&mdash;Humorous
+Poems&mdash;Quacks&mdash;Baron M&uuml;nchausen.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Humour seems to have an especial claim upon us in connection with the
+name of Cowper, inasmuch as but for it we should never have become
+acquainted with his writings. Many as are the charms of his works, they
+would never have become popularly known without this addition. In 1782
+he published his collection of poems, but it only had an indifferent
+sale. Although friends spoke well of them, reviews gave forth various
+and uncertain opinions, and there was no sufficient inducement to lead
+the public to buy or read. Cowper was upon the verge of sinking into the
+abyss of unsuccessful authors, when a bright vision crossed his path.
+Lady Austen paid a visit to Olney. She had lived much in France, and was
+overflowing with good humour and vivacity. She came to reside at the
+Vicarage at the back of his house, and they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> became so intimate that
+they passed the days alternately with each other. "Lady Austen's
+conversation had," writes Southey, "as happy an effect on the melancholy
+spirit of Cowper, as the harp of David had upon Saul."</p>
+
+<p>It is refreshing to turn from cynicism and prurience, to gentle and more
+harmless pleasantry. Cowper was very sympathetic, and easily took the
+impression of those with whom he consorted. Most of his pieces were
+written at the suggestion of others. Mrs. Unwin was of a melancholy and
+serious turn of mind, and tended to repress his lighter fancies, but his
+letters show that playfulness was natural to him; and in his first
+volume of poems we find two pieces of a decidedly humorous cast. We have
+"The Report of an Adjudged Case not to be found in any of the books."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Between nose and eyes a strange contest arose,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The spectacles set them unhappily wrong,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To which the said spectacles ought to belong."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>We know the Chief Baron Ear, finally gave his decision&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"That whenever the nose put his spectacles on</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By daylight or candlelight, eyes should be shut."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The other piece is called "Hypocristy Detected."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Thus says the prophet of the Turk,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Good Mussulman, abstain from pork,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There is a part in every swine</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">No friend or follower of mine</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">May taste, whate'er his inclination</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On pain of excommunication.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thus he left the point at large.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had he the sinful part expressed</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They might with safety eat the rest;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But for one piece they thought it hard</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From the whole hog to be debarred,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And set their wit at work to find</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What joint the prophet had in mind.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Much controversy straight arose</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">These choose the back, the belly those;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By some 'tis confidently said</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He meant not to forbid the head;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While others at that doctrine rail,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And piously prefer the tail.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thus conscience freed from every clog,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mahometans eat up the hog."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The moral follows, pointing out that each one makes an exception in
+favour of his own besetting sin.</p>
+
+<p>These touches of humour which had hitherto appeared timidly in his
+writings were encouraged by Lady Austen. "A new scene is opening," he
+writes, "which will add fresh plumes to the wings of time." She was his
+bright and better genius. Trying in every way to cheer his spirits, she
+told him one day an old nursery story she had heard in her
+childhood&mdash;the "History of John Gilpin." Cowper was much taken with it,
+and next morning he came down to breakfast with a ballad composed upon
+it, which made them laugh till they cried. He sent it to Mr. Unwin, who
+had it inserted in a newspaper. But little was thought of it, until
+Henderson, a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span> well-known actor introduced it into his readings.<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a> From
+that moment Cowper's fame was secured, and his next work "The Task,"
+also suggested by Lady Austen, had a wide circulation.</p>
+
+<p>After this success, Lady Austen set Cowper a "Task," which he performed
+excellently and secured his fame. He was at first at a loss how to begin
+it&mdash;"Write on anything," she said, "on this sofa." He took her at her
+word, and proceeded&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The nurse sleeps sweetly, hired to watch the sick,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whom snoring she disturbs. As sweetly he</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who quits the coachbox at the midnight hour</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To sleep within the carriage more secure,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His legs depending at the open door.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet sleep enjoys the curate in his desk,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The tedious rector drawling o'er his head,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And sweet the clerk below: but neither sleep</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of lazy nurse, who snores the sick man dead,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor his, who quits the box at midnight hour</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To slumber in the carriage more secure,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor sleep enjoyed by curate in his desk,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor yet the dozings of the clerk are sweet</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Compared with the repose the sofa yields."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Cowper lived in the country, and wrote many poems on birds and flowers.
+In his first volume there are "The Doves," "The Raven's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> Nest," "The
+Lily and the Rose," "The Nightingale and the Glowworm," "The Pine-Apple
+and the Bee," "The Goldfinch starved to death in a Cage," and some
+others. They are pretty conceits, but at the present day remind us a
+little of the nursery.</p>
+
+<p>Goldsmith's humour deserves equal praise for affording amusement without
+animosity or indelicacy. With regard to the former, his satire is so
+general that it cannot inflict any wound; and although he may have
+slightly erred in one or two passages on the latter score, he condemns
+all such seasoning of humour, which is used, as he says, to compensate
+for want of invention. In his plays, there is much good broad-humoured
+fun without anything offensive. Simple devices such as Tony Lumpkin's
+causing a manor-house to be mistaken for an inn, produces much harmless
+amusement. It is noteworthy that the first successful work of Goldsmith
+was his "Citizen of the World." Here the correspondence of a Chinaman in
+England with one of his friends in his own country, affords great scope
+for humour, the manners and customs of each nation being regarded
+according to the views of the other. The intention is to show
+absurdities on the same plan which led afterwards to the popularity of
+"Hadji Baba in England." Sometimes the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> faults pointed out seem real,
+sometimes the criticism is meant to be oriental and ridiculous. Thus
+going to an English theatre he observes&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The richest, in general, were placed in the lowest seats, and the
+poor rose above them in degrees proportionate to their poverty. The
+order of precedence seemed here inverted; those who were undermost
+all the day, enjoyed a temporary eminence and became masters of the
+ceremonies. It was they who called for the music, indulging every
+noisy freedom, and testifying all the insolence of beggary in
+exaltation."</p></div>
+
+<p>Real censure is intended in the following, which shows the change in
+ladies dress within the last few years&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"What chiefly distinguishes the sex at present is the train. As a
+lady's quality or fashion was once determined here by the
+circumference of her hoop, both are now measured by the length of
+her tail. Women of moderate fortunes are contented with tails
+moderately long, but ladies of tone, taste, and distinction set no
+bounds to their ambition in this particular. I am told the Lady
+Mayoress on days of ceremony carries one longer than a bell-wether
+of Bantam, whose tail, you know, is trundled along in a
+wheelbarrow."</p></div>
+
+<p>A "little beau" discoursing with the Chinaman, observes&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I am told your Asiatic beauties are the most convenient women
+alive, for they have no souls; positively there is nothing in
+nature I should like so much as women without souls; soul here is
+the utter ruin of half the sex. A girl of eighteen shall have soul
+enough to spend a hundred pounds in the turning of a tramp. Her
+mother shall have soul enough to ride a sweepstake snatch at a
+horse-race; her maiden aunt shall have soul enough to purchase the
+furniture of a whole toy-shop, and others shall have soul enough to
+behave as if they had no souls at all."</p></div>
+
+<p>The "Citizen of the World" cannot under<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>stand why there are so many old
+maids and bachelors in England. He regards the latter as most
+contemptible, and says the mob should be permitted to halloo after them;
+boys might play tricks on them with impunity; every well-bred company
+should laugh at them, and if one of them, when turned sixty, offered to
+make love, his mistress might spit in his face, or what would be a
+greater punishment should fairly accept him. Old maids he would not
+treat with such severity, because he supposes they are not so by their
+own fault; but he hears that many have received offers, and refused
+them. Miss Squeeze, the pawnbroker's daughter, had heard so much about
+money, that she resolved never to marry a man whose fortune was not
+equal to her own, without ever considering that some abatement should be
+made as her face was pale and marked with the small-pox. Sophronia loved
+Greek, and hated men. She rejected fine gentlemen because they were not
+pedants, and pedants because they were not fine gentlemen. She found a
+fault in every lover, until the wrinkles of old age overtook her, and
+now she talks incessantly of the beauties of the mind.</p>
+
+<p>The character of the information contained in the daily newspapers is
+thus described<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The universal passion for politics is gratified with daily papers,
+as with us in China. But, as in ours, the Emperor endeavours to
+instruct his people; in theirs the people endeavour to instruct the
+Administration. You must not, however, imagine that they who
+compile these papers have any actual knowledge of politics or the
+government of a state; they only collect their materials from the
+oracle of some coffee-house, which oracle has himself gathered them
+the night before from a beau at a gaming-table, who has pillaged
+his knowledge from the great man's porter, who has had his
+information from the great man's gentleman, who has invented the
+whole story for his own amusement the night preceding."</p></div>
+
+<p>He gives the following specimens of contradictory newspaper intelligence
+from abroad.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"<i>Vienna.</i>&mdash;We have received certain advices that a party of
+twenty-thousand Austrians, having attacked a much superior body of
+Prussians, put them all to flight, and took the rest prisoners of
+war.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Berlin.</i>&mdash;We have received certain advices that a party of
+twenty-thousand Prussians, having attacked a much superior body of
+Austrians, put them to flight, and took a great number of prisoners
+with their military chest, cannon, and baggage."</p></div>
+
+<p>The Chinaman observing the laudatory character of epitaphs, suggests a
+plan by which flattery might be indulged, without sacrificing truth. The
+device is that anciently called "contrary to expectation," but
+apparently borrowed by Goldsmith from some French poem. Here is a
+specimen.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Ye Muses, pour the pitying tear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For Pollio snatched away;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O, had he lived another year</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He had not died to-day."...</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He gives another on Madam Blaize<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Good people all with one accord</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lament for Madam Blaize,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who never wanted a good word</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From those who spoke her praise."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog terminates in a stroke taken from
+the old epigram of Demodocus&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Good people all, of everysort,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Give ear unto my song,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And if you find it wondrous short,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It cannot hold you long.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"In Islington there was a man,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of whom the world might say,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That still a godly race he ran,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whene'er he went to pray.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"A kind and gentle heart he had,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To comfort friends and foes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The naked every day he clad,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When he put on his clothes.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And in this town a dog was found,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As many dogs there be,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Both mongrel, puppy, whelps, and hound,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And curs of low degree.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"This dog and man at first were friends,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But when a pique began,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The dog to gain some private ends,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Went mad, and bit the man.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Around from all the neighbouring streets</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The wondering neighbours ran,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And swore the dog had lost his wits,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To bite so good a man.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The wound, it seemed both sore and sad</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To every Christian eye;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And, while they swore the dog was mad,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They swore the man would die.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"But soon a wonder came to light</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That showed the rogues they lied,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The man recovered of the bite,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The dog it was that died."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The fine and elegant humour in "The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> Vicar of Wakefield" and "The
+Deserted Village," has greatly contributed to give those works a lasting
+place in the literature of this country. Goldsmith attacked, among other
+imposters, the quacks of his day, who promised to cure every disease.
+Reading their advertisements, he is astonished that the English patient
+should be so obstinate as to refuse health on such easy terms. We find
+from Swift that astrologers and fortune-tellers were very plentiful in
+these times. The following lament was written towards the end of the
+last century upon the death of one of them&mdash;Dr. Safford, a quack and
+fortune-teller.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Lament, ye damsels of our London City,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Poor unprovided girls, though fair and witty,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who masked would to his house in couples come,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To understand your matrimonial doom;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To know what kind of man you were to marry,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And how long time, poor things, you were to tarry;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Your oracle is silent; none can tell</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On whom his astrologic mantle fell;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For he, when sick, refused the doctor's aid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And only to his pills devotion paid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet it was surely a most sad disaster,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The saucy pills at last should kill their master."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The travels of Baron M&uuml;nchausen were first published in 1786, and the
+esteem in which they were held, and we may conclude their merit, was
+shown by the numbers of editions rapidly succeeding each other, and by
+the translations which were made into foreign languages. It is somewhat
+strange that there should be a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> doubt with regard to the authorship of
+so popular a work, but it is generally attributed to one Raspi, a German
+who fled from the officers of justice to England. As, however, there is
+little originality in the stories, we feel the less concerned at being
+unable satisfactorily to trace their authorship&mdash;they were probably a
+collection of the tales with which some old German baron was wont to
+amuse his guests. A satire was evidently intended upon the marvellous
+tales in which travellers and sportsmen indulged, and the first edition
+is humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, whose accounts of Abyssinia were then
+generally discredited. With the exception of this attack upon
+travellers' tales there is nothing severe in the work&mdash;there is no
+indelicacy or profanity&mdash;considerable falsity was, of course, necessary,
+otherwise the accounts would have been merely fanciful. We have nothing
+here to mar our amusement, except infinite extravagance. The author does
+not claim much originality, and he admits an imitation of Gulliver's
+Travels. But, no doubt, something is due to his insight in selection,
+and to his ingenuity in telling the stories well and circumstantially;
+otherwise this book would never have become historical, when so many
+similar productions have perished. The stories in the first six
+chapters, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> formed the original book, are superior to those in the
+continuation; there is always something specious, some ground work for
+the gross improbabilities, which gives force to them. Thus, for
+instance, travelling in Poland over the deep snow he fastens his horse
+to something he takes to be a post, and which turns out to be the top of
+a steeple. By the morning the snow has disappeared&mdash;he sees his mistake,
+and his horse is hanging on the top of the church by its bridle. When on
+his road to St. Petersburgh, a wolf made after him and overtook him.
+Escape was impossible.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I laid myself down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for
+safety. The wolf did not mind me, but took a leap over me, and
+falling on the horse began to tear and devour the hinder part of
+the poor animal, which ran all the faster for its pain and terror.
+I lifted up my head slily, and beheld with horror that the wolf had
+ate his way into the horse's body. It was not long before he had
+fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage and fell
+upon him with the end of my whip. This unexpected attack frightened
+him so much that he leaped forward, the horse's carcase dropped to
+the ground, but in his place the wolf was in harness, and I on my
+part whipping him continually, arrived in full career at St.
+Petersburgh much to the astonishment of the spectators."</p></div>
+
+<p>Speaking of stags, he mentions St. Hubert's stag, which appeared with a
+cross between its horns. "They always have been," he observes, "and
+still are famous for plantations and antlers." This furnishes him with
+the ground-work of his story.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>"Having one day spent all my shot, I found myself unexpectedly in
+presence of a stately stag looking at me as unconcernedly as if it
+had really known of my empty pouches. I charged immediately with
+powder and upon it a good handful of cherry stones. Thus I let fly
+and hit him just in the middle of the forehead between the antlers;
+he staggered, but made off. A year or two afterwards, being with a
+party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with a fine
+full-grown cherry tree above ten feet high between its antlers. I
+brought him down at one shot, and he gave me haunch and cherry
+sauce, for the tree was covered with fruit."</p></div>
+
+<p>In his ride across to Holland from Harwich under the sea, he finds great
+mountains "and upon their sides a variety of tall noble trees loaded
+with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels,
+cockles, &amp;c.," the periwinkle, he observes, is a kind of shrub, it grows
+at the foot of the oyster tree, and twines round it as the ivy does
+round the oak.</p>
+
+<p>In the following, we have a manifest imitation of Lucian&mdash;Having passed
+down Mount Etna through the earth, and come out at the other side, he
+finds himself in the Southern Seas, and soon comes to land. They sail up
+a river flowing with rich milk, and find that they are in an island
+consisting of one large cheese&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"We discovered this by one of the company fainting away as soon as
+he landed; this man always had an aversion to cheese&mdash;when he
+recovered he desired the cheese to be taken from under his feet.
+Upon examination we found him to be perfectly right&mdash;the whole
+island was nothing but a cheese of immense magnitude. Here were
+plenty of vines with bunches of grapes, which yielded nothing but
+milk."</p></div>
+
+<p>In all these cases he has contrived where there<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> was an opening to
+introduce some probable details. But as he proceeds further in his work,
+his talent becoming duller&mdash;his extravagancies are worse sustained and
+scarcely ever original. Sometimes he writes mere mawkish nonsense, and
+at others he simply copies Lucian, as in the case of his making a voyage
+to the moon, and then sailing into a sea-monster's stomach.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>The Anti-Jacobin&mdash;Its Objects and Violence&mdash;"The Friends of
+Freedom"&mdash;Imitation of Latin Lyrics&mdash;The "Knife Grinder"&mdash;The
+"Progress of Man."</p></div>
+
+
+<p>The "Anti-Jacobin" was commenced in 1797, with a view of counteracting
+the baneful influences of those revolutionary principles which were
+already rampant in France. The periodical, supported by the combined
+talent of such men as Gifford, Ellis, Hookham Frere, Jenkinson (Lord
+Liverpool), Lord Clare, Dr. Whitaker, and Lord Mornington, would no
+doubt have had a long and successful career, had not politics led it
+into a vituperative channel, through which it came to an untimely end in
+eight months. The following address to Jacobinism will give some idea of
+its spirit:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Daughter of Hell, insatiate power,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Destroyer of the human race,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose iron scourge and maddening hour</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Exalt the bad, the good debase:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy mystic force, despotic sway,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Courage and innocence dismay,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And patriot monarchs vainly groan</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With pangs unfelt before, unpitied and alone."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>There were pictorial illustrations consisting of political caricatures
+of a very gross character, representing men grotesquely deformed, and
+sometimes intermixed with monsters, demons, frogs, toads, and other
+animals.</p>
+
+<p>One part of the paper was headed "Lies," and another was devoted to
+correcting less culpable mis-statements. Some prose satirical pieces
+were introduced, such as "Fox's Birthday," in which a mock description
+of a grand dinner is given, at which all the company had their pockets
+picked. After the delivery of revolutionary orations, and some attempts
+at singing "Paddy Whack," and "All the books of Moses," the festival
+terminates in a disgusting scene of uproar. Several similar reports are
+given of "The Meeting of the Friends of Freedom," upon which occasions
+absurd speeches are made, such as that by Mr. Macfurgus, who declaims in
+the following grandiloquent style:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Before the Temple of Freedom can be erected the surface must be
+smoothed and levelled, it must be cleared by repeated revolutionary
+explosions, from all the lumber and rubbish with which aristocracy
+and fanaticism will endeavour to encumber it, and to impede the
+progress of the holy work. The completion of the edifice will
+indeed be the more tardy, but it will not be the less durable for
+having been longer delayed. Cemented with the blood of tyrants and
+the tears of the aristocracy, it will rise a monument for the
+astonishment and veneration of future ages. The remotest posterity
+with our children yet unborn, and the most distant portions of the
+globe will crowd round its gates, and demand admission into its
+sanctuary. 'The Tree of Liberty' will be planted in the midst, and
+its branches will extend to the ends of the earth, while the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>
+friends of freedom meet and fraternize and amalgamate under its
+consolatory shade. There our infants shall be taught to lisp in
+tender accents the revolutionary hymn, there with wreaths of
+myrtle, and oak, and poplar, and vine, and olive and cypress, and
+ivy, with violets and roses and daffodils and dandelions in our
+hands, we will swear respect to childhood and manhood, and old age,
+and virginity, and womanhood, and widowhood; but above all to the
+Supreme Being. There we will decree and sanction the immortality of
+the soul, there pillars and obelisks, and arches, and pyramids will
+awaken the love of glory and of our country. There painters and
+statuaries with their chisels and colours, and engravers with their
+engraving tools will perpetuate the interesting features of our
+revolutionary heroes."</p></div>
+
+<p>The next extract is called "The Army of England," written by the
+ci-devant Bishop of Autun, and represents a French invasion as
+imminent:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Good republicans all</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Directory's call</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Invites you to visit John Bull;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oppressed by the rod</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of a king and a God</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The cup of his misery's full;</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Old Johnny shall see</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What makes a man free,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not parchments, or statutes, or paper;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And stripped of his riches,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Great charter and breeches,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shall cut a free citizen's caper.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Then away, let us over</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To Deal or to Dover,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We laugh at his talking so big;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He's pampered with feeding,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And wants a sound bleeding,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Par Dieu</i>! he shall bleed like a pig.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"John tied to a stake</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A grand baiting will make</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When worried by mastiffs of France,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What republican fun</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To see his blood run</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">As at Lyons, La Vend&eacute;e and Nantes.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"With grape-shot discharges,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And plugs in his barges,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With national razors good store,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We'll pepper and shave him</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And in the Thames lave him&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How sweetly he'll bellow and roar!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"What the villain likes worse</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We'll vomit his purse</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And make it the guineas disgorge,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For your Raphaels and Rubens</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We would not give twopence;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stick, stick to the pictures of George."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The following is on "The New Coalition" between Fox and Horne Tooke.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Fox.</i> When erst I coalesced with North</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And brought my Indian bantling forth</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In place&mdash;I smiled at faction's storm,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor dreamt of radical reform.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Tooke.</i> While yet no patriot project pushing</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Content I thumped old Brentford's cushion,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I passed my life so free and gaily,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not dreaming of that d&mdash;d Old Bailey.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Fox.</i> Well, now my favourite preacher's Nickle,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He keeps for Pitt a rod in pickle;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His gestures fright the astonished gazers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His sarcasms cut like Packwood's razors.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Tooke.</i> Thelwall's my name for state alarm;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I love the rebels of Chalk Farm;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Rogues that no statutes can subdue,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who'd bring the French, and head them too.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Fox.</i> A whisper in your ear John Horne,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For one great end we both were born,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Alike we roar, and rant and bellow&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Give us your hand my honest fellow.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Tooke.</i> Charles, for a shuffler long I've known thee,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But come&mdash;for once I'll not disown thee,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And since with patriot zeal thou burnest,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With thee I'll live&mdash;or hang in earnest.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But the most celebrated of these poems is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> "The Friend of Humanity, and
+The Knife-Grinder"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Friend of Humanity.</i> Needy knife-grinder! whither are you going?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Rough is the road, your wheel is out of order,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bleak blows the blast; your hat has got a hole in't,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">So have your breeches!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Weary knife-grinder! little think the proud ones,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who in their coaches roll along the turnpike-road,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What hard work 'tis crying all day, "knives and</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Scissors to grind, O!"</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tell me, knife-grinder, how you came to grind knives?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Did some rich man tyranically use you?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was it the squire? or parson of the parish?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Or the attorney?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was it the squire for killing of his game? or</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Covetous parson for his tithes distraining?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or roguish lawyer, made you lose your little</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">All in a lawsuit?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Have you not read the "Rights of Man" by Tom Paine?)</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ready to fall as soon as you have told your</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Pitiful story.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Knife-grinder.</i> Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, Sir;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Only last night a-drinking at the 'Chequers,'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This poor old hat and breeches, as you see, were</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Torn in a scuffle.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Constables came up for to take me into</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Custody; they took me before the justice,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Stocks for a vagrant.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I should be glad to drink your honour's health in</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A pot of beer, if you will give me sixpence,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But for my part I never love to meddle</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">With politics, Sir.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Friend of Humanity.</i> I give thee sixpence! I will see thee d&mdash;&mdash;d first!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wretch! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to vengeance!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sordid! unfeeling! reprobate! degraded!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Spiritless outcast!</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>(<i>Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport
+of Republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy.</i>)</p>
+
+<p>This poem, written as a parody of "The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> Widow" of Southey, is said to
+have annihilated English Sapphics. Various attempts were formerly made
+to adapt classic metres to English; not only Gabriel Harvey but Sir
+Philip Sydney tried to bring in hexameters. Beattie says the attempt was
+ridiculous, but since Longfellow's "Evangeline" we look upon them with
+more favour, though they are not popular. Dr. Watts wrote a Sapphic ode
+on the "Last Judgment," which notwithstanding the solemnity of the
+subject, almost provokes a smile.</p>
+
+<p>Frere was a man of great taste and humour. He wrote many amusing poems.
+Among his contributions, jointly with Canning and Ellis, to the
+"Anti-Jacobin," is the "Loves of the Triangles," and the scheme of a
+play called the "Double Arrangement," a satire upon the immorality of
+the German plays then in vogue. Here a gentleman living with his wife
+and another lady, Matilda, and getting tired of the latter, releases her
+early lover, Rogero, who is imprisoned in an abbey. This unfortunate
+man, who has been eleven years a captive on account of his attachment to
+Matilda, is found in a living sepulchre. The scene shows a subterranean
+vault in the Abbey of Quedlinburgh, with coffins, scutcheons, death's
+heads and cross-bones; while toads and other loathsome reptiles are seen
+traversing the obscurer parts of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> the stage. Rogero appears in chains,
+in a suit of rusty armour, with his beard grown, and a cap of grotesque
+form upon his head. He sings the following plaintive ditty:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Whene'er with haggard eyes I view</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This dungeon that I'm rotting in,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I think of those companions true</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who studied with me at the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>(<i>Weeps and pulls out a blue kerchief with which he wipes his eyes;
+gazing tenderly at it he proceeds:</i>)</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sweet kerchief, checked with heavenly blue,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which once my love sat knotting in!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Alas! Matilda then was true!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At least, I thought so at the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 8em;">(<i>Clanks his chains.</i>)</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Barbs! barbs! alas! how swift you flew,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her neat post waggon trotting in,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ye bore Matilda from my view;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Forlorn I languished in the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"This faded form! this pallid hue!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">This blood my veins is clotting in,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My years are many&mdash;they were few,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When first I entered at the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"There first for thee my passion grew,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet! sweet Matilda Pottingen!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thou wast the daughter of my tu-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">-tor, law professor at the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sun, moon, and thou, vain world, adieu,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That kings and priests are plotting in;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here doomed to starve on water gru-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">-el, never shall I see the U-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">-niversity of Gottingen."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The idea of making humour by the division of words may have been
+original in this case, but it was conceived and adopted by Lucilius, the
+first Roman satirist.</p>
+
+<p>The "Progress of Man," by Canning and Hammond, is an ironical poem,
+deducing our origin and development according to the natural, and in
+opposition to the religious system. The argument proceeds in the
+following vein:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Let us a plainer, steadier theme pursue,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mark the grim savage scoop his light canoe,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mark the fell leopard through the forest prowl,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fish prey on fish, and fowl regale on fowl;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How Lybian tigers' chawdrons love assails,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And warms, midst seas of ice, the melting whales;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cools the crimpt cod, fierce pangs to perch imparts,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shrinks shrivelled shrimps, but opens oysters' hearts;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then say, how all these things together tend</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To one great truth, prime object, and good end?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"First&mdash;to each living thing, whate'er its kind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some lot, some part, some station is assigned</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The feathered race with pinions skim the air;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not so the mackerel, and still less the bear....</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ah! who has seen the mailed lobster rise,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Clap her broad wings, and soaring claim the skies?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When did the owl, descending from her bower,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Crop, midst the fleecy flocks the tender flower;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or the young heifer plunge, with pliant limb,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In the salt wave, and fish-like strive to swim?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The same with plants&mdash;potatoes 'tatoes breed&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Uncostly cabbage springs from cabbage seed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lettuce from lettuce, leeks to leeks succeed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor e'er did cooling cucumbers presume</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To flower like myrtle, or like violets bloom;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Man, only&mdash;rash, refined, presumptuous man,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Starts from his rank, and mars Creation's plan;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Born the free heir of Nature's wide domain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To art's strict limits bounds his narrowed reign,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Resigns his native rights for meaner things,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For faith and fetters, laws, and priests, and kings."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The "Anti-Jacobin" was continued under the name of the "Anti-Jacobin
+Review," and in this modified form lasted for upwards of twenty years.
+It was mostly a journal of passing events, but there were a few attempts
+at humour in its pages.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Wolcott&mdash;Writes against the Academicians&mdash;Tales of a Hoy&mdash;"New Old
+Ballads"&mdash;"The Sorrows of Sunday"&mdash;Ode to a Pretty
+Barmaid&mdash;Sheridan&mdash;Comic Situations&mdash;"The Duenna"&mdash;Wits.</p></div>
+
+<p>Wolcott, a native of Devonshire, was educated at Kingsbridge, and
+apprenticed to an apothecary. He soon discovered a genius for painting
+and poetry, and commenced to write about the middle of the last century
+as Peter Pindar. He composed many odes on a variety of humorous
+subjects, such as "The Lousiad," "Ode to Ugliness," "The Young Fly and
+the Old Spider," "Ode to a Handsome Widow," whom he apostrophises as
+"Daughter of Grief," "Solomon and the Mouse-trap," "Sir Joseph Banks and
+the Boiled Fleas," "Ode to my Ass," "To my Candle," "An Ode to Eight
+Cats kept by a Jew," whom he styles, "Singers of Israel." Lord Nelson's
+night-cap took fire as the poet was wearing it reading in bed, and he
+returned it to him with the words,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Take your night-cap again, my good lord, I desire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For I wish not to keep it a minute,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What belongs to a Nelson, where'er there's a fire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is sure to be instantly in it."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>In "Bozzi and Piozzi" the former says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Did any one, that he was happy cry,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Johnson would tell him plumply 'twas a lie;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A lady told him she was really so,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On which he sternly answered, 'Madam, no!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sickly you are, and ugly, foolish, poor,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And therefore can't be happy, I am sure.'"</span><br /><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 2em;"><b>Upon Pope.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Grant me an honest fame, or grant me none,'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Says Pope, (I don't know where,) a little liar,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who, if he praised a man, 'twas in a tone</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That made his praise like bunches of sweet-briar,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which, while a pleasing fragrance it bestows,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pops out a pretty prickle on your nose."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He seems to have gained little by his early poems, many of which were
+directed against the Royal Academicians. One commences:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sons of the brush, I'm here again!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At times a Pindar and Fontaine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Casting poetic pearl (I fear) to swine!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For, hang me, if my last years odes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Paid rent for lodgings near the gods,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or put one sprat into this mouth divine."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes he calls the Academicians, "Sons of Canvas;" sometimes
+"Tagrags and bobtails of the sacred brush." He afterwards wrote a
+doleful elergy, "The Sorrows of Peter," and seems not to have thought
+himself sufficiently patronized, alluding to which he says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Much did King Charles our Butler's works admire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Read them and quoted them from morn to night,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet saw the bard in penury expire,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose wit had yielded him so much delight."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Wolcott was a little restricted by a due re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>gard for religion or social
+decorum. He reminds us of Sterne, often atoning for a transgression by a
+tender and elevated sentiment. The following from the "Tales of a Hoy,"
+supposed to be told on a voyage from Margate gives a good specimen of
+his style&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Captain Noah.</i> Oh, I recollect her. Poor Corinna!<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a> I could cry
+for her, Mistress Bliss&mdash;a sweet creature! So kind! so lovely! and
+so good-natured! She would not hurt a fly! Lord! Lord! tried to
+make every body happy. Gone! Ha! Mistress Bliss, gone! poor soul.
+Oh! she is in Heaven, depend on it&mdash;nothing can hinder it. Oh,
+Lord, no, nothing&mdash;an angel!&mdash;an angel by this time&mdash;for it must
+give God very little trouble to make <i>her</i> an angel&mdash;she was so
+charming! Such terrible figures as my Lord C. and my Lady Mary, to
+be sure, it would take at least a month to make such ones anything
+like angels&mdash;but poor Corinna wanted very few repairs. Perhaps the
+sweet little soul is now seeing what is going on in our cabin&mdash;who
+knows? Charming little Corinna! Lord! how funny it was, for all the
+world like a rabbit or a squirrel or a kitten at play. Gone! as you
+say, Gone! Well now for her epitaph.<br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 2em;"><b>Corinna's Epitaph.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Here sleeps what was innocence once, but its snows</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Were sullied and trod with disdain;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here lies what was beauty, but plucked was its rose</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And flung like a weed to the plain.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"O pilgrim! look down on her grave with a sigh</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who fell the sad victim of art,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Even cruelty's self must bid her hard eye</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A pearl of compassion impart.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Ah! think not ye prudes that a sigh or a tear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can offend of all nature the God!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lo! Virtue already has mourned at her bier</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the lily will bloom on her sod."</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+<p>He wrote some pretty "new-old" ballads&mdash;purporting to have been written
+by Queen Elizabeth, Sir T. Wyatt, &amp;c., on light and generally<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> amorous
+subjects. Much of his satire was political, and necessarily fleeting.</p>
+
+<p>In "Orson and Ellen" he gives a good description of the landlord of a
+village inn and his daughter,</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The landlord had a red round face</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which some folks said in fun</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Resembled the Red Lion's phiz,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And some, the rising Sun.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Large slices from his cheeks and chin</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like beef-steaks one might cut;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then his paunch, for goodly size</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Beat any brewer's butt.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The landlord was a boozer stout</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A snufftaker and smoker;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And 'twixt his eyes a nose did shine</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bright as a red-hot poker.</span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sweet Ellen gave the pot with hands</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That might with thousands vie:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her face like veal, was white and red</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And sparkling was her eye.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Her shape, the poplar's easy form</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her neck the lily's white</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Soft heaving, like the summer wave</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And lifting rich delight.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And o'er this neck of globe-like mould</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In ringlets waved her hair;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ah, what sweet contrast for the eye</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The jetty and the fair.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Her lips, like cherries moist with dew</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So pretty, plump, and pleasing,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And like the juicy cherry too</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Did seem to ask for squeezing.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Yet what is beauty's use alack!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To market can it go?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Say&mdash;will it buy a loin of veal,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or round of beef? No&mdash;no.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Will butchers say 'Choose what you please</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Miss Nancy or Miss Betty?'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or gardeners, 'Take my beans and peas</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Because you are so pretty?'"</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He wrote a pleasant satire on the tax upon hair-powder introduced by
+Pitt, and the shifts to which poor people would be put to hide their
+hair. He seems to have been as inimical as most people to taxation. He
+parodies Dryden's "Alexander's Feast:"</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Of taxes now the sweet musician sung</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The court and chorus joined</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And filled the wondering wind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And taxes, taxes, through the garden rung.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Monarch's first of taxes think</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Taxes are a monarch's treasure</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Sweet the pleasure</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Rich the treasure</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Monarchs love a guinea clink...."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He was, as we may suppose, averse to making Sunday a severe day. He
+wrote a poem against those who wished to introduce a more strict
+observance of Sunday, and called it, "The Sorrows of Sunday." He says:</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Heaven glorieth not in phizzes of dismay</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Heaven takes no pleasure in perpetual sobbing,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Consenting freely that my favourite day,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">May have her tea and rolls, and hob-and-nobbing;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Life with the down of cygnets may be clad</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ah! why not make her path a pleasant track&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No! cries the pulpit Terrorist (how mad)</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No! let the world be one huge hedge-hog's back."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He wrote a great variety of gay little sonnets, such as "The Ode to a
+Pretty Barmaid:"</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sweet nymph with teeth of pearl and dimpled chin,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And roses, that would tempt a saint to sin,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Daily to thee so constant I return,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose smile improves the coffee's every drop</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Gives tenderness to every steak and chop</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">And bids our pockets at expenses spurn.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"What youth well-powdered, of pomatum smelling</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shall on that lovely bosom fix his dwelling?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Perhaps the waiter, of himself so full!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With thee he means the coffee-house to quit</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Open a tavern and become a wit</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And proudly keep the head of the Black Bull.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Twas here the wits of Anna's Attic age</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Together mingled their poetic rage,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here Prior, Pope, and Addison and Steele,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here Parnel, Swift, and Bolingbroke and Gay</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Poured their keen prose, and turned the merry lay</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Gave the fair toast, and made a hearty meal.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Nymph of the roguish smile, which thousands seek</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Give me another, and another steak,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A kingdom for another steak, but given</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By thy fair hands, that shame the snow of heaven...."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He seems to have some misgivings about conjugal felicity:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"An owl fell desperately in love, poor soul,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sighing and hooting in his lonely hole&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A parrot, the dear object of his wishes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who in her cage enjoyed the loaves and fishes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In short had all she wanted, meat and drink</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Washing and lodging full enough I think."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Poll takes compassion on him and they are duly married&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"A day or two passed amorously sweet</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Love, kissing, cooing, billing, all their meat,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At length they both felt hungry&mdash;'What's for dinner?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pray, what have we to eat my dear,' quoth Poll.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Nothing,' by all my wisdom, answered Owl.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'I never thought of that, as I'm a sinner</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But Poll on something I shall put my pats</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What sayst thou, deary, to a dish of rats?'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'<i>Rats</i>&mdash;Mister Owl, d'ye think that I'll eat rats,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Eat them yourself or give them to the cats,'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whines the poor bride, now bursting into tears:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Well, Polly, would you rather dine on mouse</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'll catch a few if any in the house;'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'I won't eat rats, I won't eat mice&mdash;I won't</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Don't tell me of such dirty vermin&mdash;don't</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O, that within my cage I had but tarried.'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Polly,' quoth owl, 'I'm sorry I declare</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So delicate you relish not our fare</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You should have thought of that before you married.'"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>"The Ode to the Devil," is in reality a severe satire upon human nature
+under an unpleasant form. He says that men accuse the devil of being the
+cause of all the misdoings with which they are themselves solely
+chargeable, moreover that in truth they are very fond of him, and guilty
+of gross ingratitude in calling him bad names:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"O Satan! whatsoever gear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy Proteus form shall choose to wear</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Black, red, or blue, or yellow</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whatever hypocrites may say</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They think thee (trust my honest lay)</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A most bewitching fellow.</span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Tis now full time my ode should end</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And now I tell thee like a friend,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Howe'er the world may scout thee</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy ways are all so wondrous winning</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And folks so very fond of sinning</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">They cannot do without thee."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Sheridan was one of those writers to whose pecuniary distresses we owe
+the rich treasure he has bequeathed. His brother and his best friend
+confided to him that they were both in love with Miss Linley, a public
+singer, and his romantic or comic nature suggested to him that while
+they were competing for the prize, he might clandestinely carry it off.
+Succeeding in his attempt, he withdrew his wife from her profession, and
+was ever afterwards in difficulties.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span> He seems in his comedies to have a
+love of sudden strokes and surprises, approaching almost to practical
+jokes, and very successful when upon the stage. A screen is thrown down
+and Lady Teazle discovered behind it&mdash;a sword instead of a trinket drops
+out of Captain Absolute's coat&mdash;the old duenna puts on her mistress'
+dress&mdash;all these produce an excellent effect without showing any very
+great power of humour. But he was celebrated as a wit in society&mdash;was
+full of repartee and pleasantry, and we are surprised to find that his
+plays only contain a few brilliant passages, and that their tissue is
+not more generally shot through with threads of gold.</p>
+
+<p>In comparison with the other dramatists of whom we have spoken, we
+observe in Sheridan the work of a more modern age. We have here no
+indelicacy or profanity, excepting the occasional oath, then
+fashionable; but we meet that satirical play on the manners and
+sentiments of men, which distinguishes later humour. In Mrs. Malaprop,
+we have some of that confusion of words, which seems to have been
+traditional upon the stage. Thus, she says that Captain Absolute is the
+very "pine-apple of perfection," and that to think of her daughter's
+marrying a penniless man, gives her the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> "hydrostatics." She does not
+wish her to be a "progeny of learning," but she should have a
+"supercilious knowledge" of accounts, and be acquainted with the
+"contagious countries." There is a satire, which will come home to most
+of us in Malaprop, notwithstanding her ignorance and stupidity, giving
+her opinion authoritatively on education. She says that Lydia Languish
+has been spoiled by reading novels, in which Sir Anthony agrees. "Madam,
+a circulating library in a town is an evergreen tree of diabolical
+knowledge! It blossoms through the year, and depend on it, Mrs.
+Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long
+for the fruit at last." Not only Mrs. Malaprop, but also Sir Anthony,
+form an entirely wrong estimate of themselves. The latter tells his son
+that he must marry the woman he selects for him, although she have the
+"skin of a mummy, and beard of a Jew." On his son objecting, he tells
+him not to be angry. "So you will fly out! Can't you be cool like me?
+What the devil good can a passion do? Passion is of no service, you
+impudent, violent, over-bearing reprobate. There, you sneer again! don't
+provoke me!&mdash;but you rely on the mildness of my temper, you do, you
+dog!"</p>
+
+<p>Sheridan's humour is generally of this strong<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span> kind&mdash;very suitable for
+stage effect, but not exquisite as wit. Hazlitt admits this in very
+complimentary terms:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"His comic muse does not go about prying into obscure corners, or
+collecting idle curiosities, but shows her laughing face, and
+points to her rich treasure&mdash;the follies of mankind. She is
+garlanded and crowned with roses and vine leaves. Her eyes sparkle
+with delight, and her heart runs over with good-natured malice."</p></div>
+
+<p>Sheridan often aims at painting his scenes so as to be in antithesis to
+ordinary life. In Faulkland we have a lover so morbidly sensitive, that
+even every kindness his mistress shows him, gives him the most exquisite
+pain. Don Ferdinand is much in the same state. Lydia Languish is so
+romantic, that she is about to discard her lover&mdash;with whom she intended
+to elope&mdash;as soon as she hears he is a man of fortune. In Isaac the Jew,
+we have a man who thinks he is cheating others, while he is really being
+cheated. Sir Peter Teazle's bickering with his wife is well known and
+appreciated. The subject is the oldest which has tempted the comic muse,
+and still is, unhappily, always fresh. The following extracts are from
+"The Duenna"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Isaac says to Father Paul that "he looks the very priest of Hymen!"</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Paul.</i> In short I may be called so, for I deal in repentance and
+mortification.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don Antonio.</i> But thou hast a good fresh colour in thy face,
+father, i' faith!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><i>Paul.</i> Yes. I have blushed for mankind till the hue of my shame is
+as fixed as their vices.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Good man!</p>
+
+<p><i>Paul.</i> And I have laboured too, but to what purpose? they continue
+to sin under my very nose.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Efecks, fasher, I should have guessed as much for your
+nose seems to be put to the blush more than any other part of your
+face.</p></div>
+
+<p>Don Jerome's song is worthy of Gay:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"If a daughter you have she's the plague of your life</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No peace shall you know though you've buried your wife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At twenty she mocks at the duty you taught her,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Sighing and whining,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Dying and pining,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"When scarce in their teens they have wit to perplex us,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With letters and lovers for ever they vex us:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While each still rejects the fair suitor you've brought her;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">O! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Wrangling and jangling,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Flouting and pouting,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>One of Sheridan's strong situations is produced in this play. Don Jerome
+gives Isaac a glowing description of his daughter's charms; but when the
+latter goes to see her, the Duenna personates her.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Isaac.</i> Madam, the greatness of your goodness overpowers me, that
+a lady so lovely should deign to turn her beauteous eyes on me, so.
+(<i>He turns and sees her.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><i>Duenna.</i> You seem surprised at my condescension.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Why yes, madam, I am a little surprised at it. (<i>Aside</i>)
+This can never be Louisa&mdash;She's as old as my mother!...</p>
+
+<p><i>Duenna.</i> Signor, won't you sit?</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Pardon me, Madam, I have scarcely recovered my
+astonishment at&mdash;your condescension, Madam. (<i>Aside</i>) She has the
+devil's own dimples to be sure.</p>
+
+<p><i>Duenna.</i> I do not wonder, Sir, that you are surprised at my
+affability. I own, Signor, that I was vastly prepossessed against
+you, and being teazed by my father, did<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span> give some encouragement to
+Antonio; but then, Sir, you were described to me as a quite
+different person.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Ay, and so you were to me upon my soul, Madam.</p>
+
+<p><i>Duenna.</i> But when I saw you, I was never more struck in my life.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> That was just my case too, Madam; I was struck all in a
+heap for my part.</p>
+
+<p><i>Duenna.</i> Well, Sir, I see our misapprehension has been mutual&mdash;you
+have expected to find me haughty and averse, and I was taught to
+believe you a little black, snub-nosed fellow, without person,
+manner, or address.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Egad, I wish she had answered her picture as well.</p></div>
+
+<p>After this interview, Don Jerome asks him what he thinks of his
+daughter.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Don Jerome.</i> Well, my good friend, have you softened her?</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Oh, yes, I have softened her.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> Well, and you were astonished at her beauty, hey?</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> I was astonished, indeed. Pray how old is Miss?</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> How old? let me see&mdash;twenty.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Then upon my soul she is the oldest looking girl of her
+age in Christendom.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> Do you think so? but I believe you will not see a prettier
+girl.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Here and there one.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> Louisa has the family face.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Yes, egad, I should have taken it for a family face, and
+one that has been in the family some time too.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> She has her father's eyes.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Truly I should have guessed them to be so. If she had her
+mother's spectacles I believe she would not see the worse.</p>
+
+<p><i>Don J.</i> Her aunt Ursula's nose, and her grandmother's forehead to
+a hair.</p>
+
+<p><i>Isaac.</i> Ay, faith, and her grandmother's chin to a hair.</p></div>
+
+<p>Sheridan, as we have observed, was not more remarkable as a dramatist
+than as a man of society, and passed for what was called a "wit." The
+name had been applied two centuries before to men of talent generally,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>
+especially to writers, but now it referred exclusively to such as were
+humorous in conversation. These men, though to a certain extent the
+successors of the parasites of Greece, and the fools of the middle ages,
+were men of education and independence, if not of good family, and
+rather sought popularity than any mercenary remuneration. The majority
+of them, however, were gainers by their pleasantry, they rose into a
+higher grade of society, were welcome at the tables of the great, and
+derived many advantages, not unacceptable to men generally poor and
+improvident. As Swift well observed, though not unequal to business,
+they were above it. Moreover, the age was one in which society was less
+varied than it is now in its elements and interests; when men of talent
+were more prominent, and it was easier to command an audience. It was
+known to all that Mr. &mdash;&mdash; was coming, and guests repaired to the feast,
+not to talk, but to listen, as we should now to a public reading. The
+greatest joke and treat was to get two of such men, and set them against
+each other, when they had to bring out their best steel; although it
+sometimes happened, that both refused to fight. We need scarcely say
+that the humour which was produced in such quantities to supply
+immediate demand was not of the best kind, and that a large part of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> it
+would not have been relished by the fastidious critics of our own day.
+But some of these "wits" were highly gifted, they were generally
+literary men, and many of their good sayings have survived. The two who
+obtained the greatest celebrity in this field, seem to have been
+Theodore Hook and Sydney Smith. Selwyn, a precursor of these men, was
+so full of banter and impudence that George II. called him "that
+rascal George." "What does that mean," said the wit one day,
+musingly&mdash;"'rascal'? Oh, I forgot, it was an hereditary title of all the
+Georges." Perhaps Selwyn might have been called a "wag"&mdash;a name given to
+men who were more enterprising than successful in their humour, and
+which referred originally to mere ludicrous motion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Southey&mdash;Drolls of Bartholomew Fair&mdash;The "Doves"&mdash;Typographical
+Devices&mdash;Puns&mdash;Poems of Abel Shufflebottom.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>We have already mentioned the name of Southey. By far the greater part
+of his works are poetical and sentimental, and hence some doubt has been
+thrown upon the authorship of his work called "The Doctor." But in his
+minor poems we find him verging into humour, as where he pleads the
+cause of the pig and dancing bear, and even of the maggot. The last
+named is under the head of "The Filbert," and commences&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Nay gather not that filbert, Nicholas,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There is a maggot there; it is his house&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His castle&mdash;oh! commit not burglary!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Strip him not naked; 'tis his clothes, his shell;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His bones, the case and armour of his life,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thou shalt do no murder, Nicholas.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It were an easy thing to crack that nut,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or with thy crackers or thy double teeth;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So easily may all things be destroyed!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But 'tis not in the power of mortal man</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To mend the fracture of a filbert shell.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There were two great men once amused themselves</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Watching two maggots run their wriggling race,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And wagering on their speed; but, Nick, to us</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">It were no sport to see the pampered worm</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Roll out and then draw in his folds of fat</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like to some barber's leathern powder bag</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wherewith he feathers, frosts or cauliflowers,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Spruce beau, or lady fair, or doctor grave."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Also his Commonplace Book proves that, like many other hardworking men,
+he amused his leisure hours with what was light and fantastic. Moreover,
+he speaks in some places of the advantage of intermingling amusement and
+instruction&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Even in literature a leafy style, if there be any fruit under the
+foliage, is preferable to a knotty one however fine the grain.
+Whipt cream is a good thing, and better still when it covers and
+adorns that amiable compound of sweetmeats and ratafia cakes soaked
+in wine, to which Cowper likened his delightful poem, when he thus
+described 'The Task'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'It is a medley of many things, some that may be useful, and some
+that, for aught I know, may be very diverting. I am merry that I
+may decoy people into my company, and grave that they may be the
+better for it. Now and then I put on the garb of a philosopher, and
+take the opportunity that disguise procures me to drop a word in
+favour of religion. In short there is some froth, and here and
+there some sweetmeat which seems to entitle it justly to the name
+of a certain dish the ladies call a 'trifle.' But in 'task' or
+'trifle' unless the ingredients were good the whole were nought.
+They who should present to their deceived guests whipt white of egg
+would deserve to be whipt themselves."</p></div>
+
+<p>But Southey by no means follows the profitable rule he here lays down.
+On the contrary, he sometimes betrays such a love of the marvellous as
+would seem unaccountable, had we not read bygone literature, and
+observed how strong the feeling was even as late as the days of the
+"Wonderful Magazine." Among<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> his strange fancies we find in the "Chapter
+on Kings:"</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There are other monarchies in the inferior world beside that of
+the bees, though they have not been registered by naturalists nor
+studied by them. For example, the king of the fleas keeps his court
+at Tiberias, as Dr. Clark discovered to his cost, and as Mr. Cripps
+will testify for him."</p></div>
+
+<p>He proceeds to give humorous descriptions of the king of monkeys, bears,
+codfish, oysters, &amp;c.</p>
+
+<p>Again&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Would not John Dory's name have died with him, and so been long
+ago dead as a door-nail, if a grotesque likeness for him had not
+been found in the fish, which being called after him, has
+immortalized him and his ugliness? But if John Dory could have
+anticipated this sort of immortality when he saw his own face in
+the glass, he might very well have 'blushed to find it fame.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>He is fond of introducing quaint old legends&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There are certain Rabbis who affirm that Eve was not taken out of
+Adam's side, but that Adam had originally been created with a tail,
+and that among the various experiments and improvements which were
+made in form and organization before he was finished, the tail was
+removed as an inconvenient appendage, and of the excrescence or
+superfluous part, which was then lopped off, the woman was formed."</p></div>
+
+<p>While on this subject he says that Lady Jekyll once asked William Wiston
+"Why woman was formed out of man's rib rather than out of any other part
+of his body?" Wiston scratched his head and replied, "Indeed, Madam, I
+do not know, unless it be that the rib is the most crooked part of the
+body."</p>
+
+<p>Southey gives a playbill of the Drolls of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> Bartholomew Fair in the time
+of Queen Anne&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"At Crawley's booth over against the Crown Tavern in Smithfield,
+during the time of the Bartholomew Fair, will be presented a little
+opera, called the 'Old Creation of the World,' yet newly revived,
+with the addition of 'Noah's Flood.' Also several fountains playing
+water during the time of the play. The last scene does represent
+Noah and his family coming out of the Ark, with all the beasts two
+and two, and all the fowls of the air seen in a prospect sitting
+upon trees. Likewise over the Ark is seen the sun rising in a most
+glorious manner. Moreover, a multitude of angels will be seen in a
+double rank, which represents a double prospect, one for the sun,
+the other for a palace, where will be seen six angels ringing of
+bells. Likewise machines descend from above, double and treble,
+with Dives rising out of Hell, and Lazarus seen in Abraham's bosom;
+besides several figures, dancing jigs, sarabands, and country
+dances to the admiration of the spectators, with the merry conceits
+of Squire Punch and Sir John Spendall."</p>
+
+<p>"So recently as the year 1816 the sacrifice of Isaac was
+represented on the stage at Paris. Samson was the subject of the
+ballet; the unshorn son of Manoah delighted the spectators by
+dancing a solo with the gates of Gaza on his back; Delilah clipt
+him during the intervals of a jig, and the Philistines surrounded
+and captured him in a country-dance."</p></div>
+
+<p>Sometimes Southey indulges his fancy on very trifling subjects as,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Doves, father as well as son, were blest with a hearty
+intellectual appetite, and a strong digestion, but the son had the
+more Catholic taste. He would have relished caviare, would have
+ventured on laver, undeterred by its appearance, and would have
+liked it. He would have eaten sausages for breakfast at Norwich,
+sally-luns at Bath, sweet butter in Cumberland, orange marmalade at
+Edinburgh, Findon haddocks at Aberdeen, and drunk punch with
+beef-steaks to oblige the French, if they insisted upon obliging
+him with a <i>d&eacute;jeuner &agrave; l'Anglaise</i>."</p>
+
+<p>
+'A good digestion turneth all to health.'<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>"He would have eaten squab pie in Devonshire, and the pie which is
+squabber than squab in Cornwall; sheep's-head with the hair on in
+Scotland, and potatoes roasted on the hearth in Ireland, frogs with
+the French, pickled-herrings with the Dutch, sour-krout with the
+Germans,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span> maccaroni with the Italians, aniseed with the Spaniards,
+garlic with anybody, horse-flesh with the Tartars, ass-flesh with
+the Persians, dogs with the North-Western American Indians, curry
+with the Asiatic East Indians, bird's-nests with the Chinese,
+mutton roasted with honey with the Turks, pismire cakes on the
+Orinoco, and turtle and venison with the Lord Mayor, and the turtle
+and venison he would have preferred to all the other dishes,
+because his taste, though Catholic, was not undiscriminating."...</p>
+
+<p>"At the time of which I am now speaking, Miss Trewbody was a maiden
+lady of forty-seven in the highest state of preservation. The whole
+business of her life had been to take care of a fine person, and in
+this she had succeeded admirably. Her library consisted of two
+books; 'Nelson's Festivals and Fasts' was one, the other was the
+'Queen's Cabinet Unlocked;' and there was not a cosmetic in the
+latter which she had not faithfully prepared. Thus by means, as she
+believed, of distilled waters of various kinds, maydew and
+buttermilk, her skin retained its beautiful texture still and much
+of its smoothness, and she knew at times how to give it the
+appearance of that brilliancy which it had lost. But that was a
+profound secret. Miss Trewbody, remembering the example of Jezebel,
+always felt conscious that she had committed a sin when she took
+the rouge-box in her hand, and generally ejaculated in a low voice
+'The Lord forgive me!' when she laid it down; but looking in the
+glass at the same time she indulged a hope that the nature of the
+temptation might be considered an excuse for the transgression. Her
+other great business was to observe with the utmost precision all
+the punctilios of her situation in life, and the time which was not
+devoted to one or other of these worthy occupations was employed in
+scolding her servants and tormenting her niece. This kept the lungs
+in vigorous health; nay it even seemed to supply the place of
+wholesome exercise, and to stimulate the system like a perpetual
+blister, with this peculiar advantage, that instead of an
+inconvenience it was a pleasure to herself, and all the annoyance
+was to her dependents.</p>
+
+<p>"Miss Trewbody lies buried in the Cathedral at Salisbury, where a
+monument was erected to her memory, worthy of remembrance itself
+for its appropriate inscription and accompaniments. The epitaph
+recorded her as a woman eminently pious, virtuous and charitable,
+who lived universally respected, and died sincerely lamented by all
+who had the happiness of knowing her. This inscription was upon a
+marble shield supported by two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> Cupids, who bent their heads over
+the edge with marble tears larger than gray peas, and something of
+the same colour, upon their cheeks. These were the only tears that
+her death occasioned, and the only Cupids with whom she had ever
+any concern."</p></div>
+
+<p>Southey introduces into this work a variety of extracts from rare and
+curious books&mdash;stories about Job beating his wife, about surgical
+experiments tried upon criminals, about women with horns, and a man who
+swallowed a poker, and "looked melancholy afterwards." Well might he
+suppose that people would think this farrago a composite production of
+many authors, and he says that if it were so he might have given it
+instead of the "Doctor" a name to correspond with its heterogeneous
+origin, such as&mdash;Isdis Roso Heta Harco Samro Grobe Thebo Heneco Thojamma
+&amp;c., the words continuing gradually to increase in length till we come
+to</p>
+
+<p>Salacoharcojotacoherecosaheco.</p>
+
+<p>After reading such flights as the above, we are surprised to find him
+despising the jester's bauble&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Now then to the gentle reader. The reason why I do not wear cap
+and bells is this.</p>
+
+<p>"There are male caps of five kinds, which are worn at present in
+this kingdom, to wit, the military cap, the collegiate cap, and the
+night-cap. Observe, reader, I said <i>kinds</i>, that is to say in
+scientific language <i>genera</i>&mdash;for the <i>species</i> and varieties are
+numerous, especially in the former genus.</p>
+
+<p>"I am not a soldier, and having long been weaned from Alma Mater,
+of course have left off my college cap. The gentlemen of the hunt
+would object to my going out with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> bells on; it would be likely to
+frighten their horses; and were I to attempt it, it might involve
+me in unpleasant disputes. To my travelling cap the bells would be
+an inconvenient appendage; nor would they be a whit more
+comfortable upon my night cap. Besides, my wife might object to
+them. It follows that if I would wear a cap and bells, I must have
+a cap made on purpose. But this would be rendering myself singular;
+and of all things, a wise man will avoid ostentatious appearance of
+singularity. Now I am certainly not singular in playing the fool
+without one."</p></div>
+
+<p>There is much in the style of the "Doctor," which reminds us of Sterne.
+He was evidently a favourite author with Southey, who speaking of his
+Sermons says, "You often see him tottering on the verge of laughter, and
+ready to throw his periwig in the face of the audience." Perhaps from
+him he acquired his love for tricks of form and typographical surprises.
+He introduces what he calls interchapters. "Leap chapters they cannot
+properly be called, and if we were to call them 'Ha-has' as being
+chapters, which the reader may skip if he likes, the name would appear
+rather strange than significant."</p>
+
+<p>He sometimes introduces a chapter without any heading in the following
+way&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Sir," says the Compositor to the Corrector of the Press "there is
+no heading for the copy for this chapter. What must I do?"</p>
+
+<p>"Leave a space for it," the Corrector replies. "It is a strange
+sort of book, but I dare say the author has a reason for everything
+he says or does, and most likely you will find out his meaning as
+you set up."</p></div>
+
+<p>Chapter lxxxviii begins&mdash;"While I was writing that last chapter a flea
+appeared upon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> the page before me, as there once did to St. Dominic." He
+proceeds to say that his flea was a flea of flea-flesh, but that St.
+Dominic's was the devil.</p>
+
+<p>Southey was particularly fond of acoustic humour. He represents
+Wilberforce as saying of the unknown author of the Doctor&mdash;Pooo-oo-oo-oo-r
+cr&#275;&#275;&#275;a-ture. Perhaps his familiarity with the works of Nash,
+Decker, and Rabelais suggested his word coming.</p>
+
+<p>One of the interchapters begins with the word <i>Aballiboozobanganorribo</i>.</p>
+
+<p>He questions in the "Poultry Yard" the assertion of Aristotle that it is
+an advantage for animals to be domesticated. The statement is regarded
+unsatisfactory by the fowl&mdash;replies to it being made by Chick-pick,
+Hen-pen, Cock-lock, Duck-luck, Turkey-lurkey, and Goosey-loosey.</p>
+
+<p>He occasionally coins words such as Potamology for the study of rivers,
+and Chapter cxxxiv is headed&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"A transition, an anecdote, an apostrophe, and a pun, punnet, or
+pundigrion."</p>
+
+<p>He proposes in another chapter to make a distinction between masculine
+and feminine in several words.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The troublesome affection of the diaphragm which every person has
+experienced is to be called according to the sex of the
+patient&mdash;He-cups or She-cups&mdash;which upon the principle of making
+our language truly British is better<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> than the more classical form
+of Hiccup and H&oelig;ccups. In the Objective use, the word becomes
+Hiscups or Hercups and in like manner Histerrics should be altered
+into Herterics&mdash;the complaint never being masculine."</p></div>
+
+<p>The Doctor is rich in variety of verbal humour&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"When a girl is called a lass, who does not perceive how that
+common word must have arisen? who does not see that it may be
+directly traced to a mournful interjection <i>Alas!</i> breathed
+sorrowfully forth at the thought that the girl, the lovely innocent
+creature upon whom the beholder has fixed his meditative eye, would
+in time become a woman&mdash;a woe to man."</p></div>
+
+<p>Our Doctor flourished in an age when the pages of Magazines, were filled
+with voluntary contributions from men who had never aimed at dazzling
+the public, but came each with his scrap of information, or his humble
+question, or his hard problem, or his attempt in verse&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A was an antiquary, and wrote articles upon Altars and Abbeys and
+Architecture. B made a blunder which C corrected. D demonstrated
+that E was in error, and that F was wrong in Philology, and neither
+Philosopher nor Physician though he affected to be both. G was a
+Genealogist. H was a Herald who helped him. I was an inquisitive
+inquirer, who found reason for suspecting J to be a Jesuit. M was a
+Mathematician. N noted the weather. O observed the stars. P was a
+poet, who produced pastorals, and prayed Mr. Urban to print them. Q
+came in the corner of the page with a query. R arrogated to himself
+the right of reprehending every one, who differed from him. S
+sighed and sued in song. T told an old tale, and when he was wrong
+U used to set him right; V was a virtuoso. W warred against
+Warburton. X excelled in Algebra. Y yearned for immortality in
+rhyme, and Z in his zeal was always in a puzzle."</p></div>
+
+<p>We have already observed that the pictorial representations of demons,
+which were originally<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span> intended to terrify, gradually came to be
+regarded as ludicrous. There was something decidedly grotesque in the
+stories about witches and imps, and Southey, deep in early lore, was
+remarkable for developing a branch of humour out of them. In one place
+he had a catalogue of devils, whose extraordinary names he wisely
+recommends his readers not to attempt to pronounce, "lest they should
+loosen their teeth or fracture them in the operation." Comic demonology
+may be said to have been out of date soon after time.</p>
+
+<p>Southey is not generally amatory in his humour, and therefore we
+appreciate the more the following effusions, which he facetiously
+attributes to Abel Shufflebottom. The gentleman obtained Delia's
+pocket-handkerchief, and celebrates the acquisition in the following
+strain&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Tis mine! what accents can my joy declare?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Blest be the pressure of the thronging rout,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Blest be the hand, so hasty, of my fair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And left the tempting corner hanging out!</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I envy not the joy the pilgrim feels,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">After long travel to some distant shrine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When at the relic of his saint he kneels,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For Delia's pocket-handkerchief is mine.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"When first with filching fingers I drew near,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Keen hope shot tremulous through every vein,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And when the finished deed removed my fear,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Scarce could my bounding heart its joy contain.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"What though the eighth commandment rose to mind,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It only served a moment's qualm to move;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For thefts like this it could not be designed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The eighth commandment was not made for love.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Here when she took the macaroons from me,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She wiped her mouth to clear the crumbs so sweet,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Dear napkin! Yes! she wiped her lips in thee,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lips sweeter than the macaroons she eat.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And when she took that pinch of Mocabau,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That made my love so delicately sneeze,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thee to her Roman nose applied I saw,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And thou art doubly dear for things like these.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"No washerwoman's filthy hand shall e'er,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweet pocket-handkerchef, thy worth profane,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For thou hast touched the rubies of my fair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I will kiss thee o'er and o'er again."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>In another Elegy he expatiates on the beauty of Delia's locks;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Happy the <i>friseur</i> who in Delia's hair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With licensed fingers uncontrolled may rove;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And happy in his death the dancing bear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who died to make pomatum for my love.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Fine are my Delia's tresses as the threads</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That from the silk-worm, self-interred, proceed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fine as the gleamy gossamer that spreads</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Its filmy web-work over the tangled mead.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Yet with these tresses Cupid's power elate</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My captive heart hath handcuffed in a chain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Strong as the cables of some huge first-rate,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That bears Britannia's thunders o'er the main.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The Sylphs that round her radiant locks repair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In flowing lustre bathe their brightened wings,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And elfin minstrels with assiduous care,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The ringlets rob for fairy fiddlestrings."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Of course Shufflebottom is tempted to another theft&mdash;a rape of the
+lock&mdash;for which he incurs the fair Delia's condign displeasure&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"She heard the scissors that fair lock divide,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And while my heart with transport panted big,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She cast a fiery frown on me, and cried,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'You stupid puppy&mdash;you have spoilt my wig.'"</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Lamb&mdash;His Farewell to Tobacco&mdash;Pink Hose&mdash;On the Melancholy of
+Tailors&mdash;Roast Pig.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>No one ever so finely commingled poetry and humour as Charles Lamb. In
+his transparent crystal you are always seeing one colour through
+another, and he was conscious of the charm of such combinations, for he
+commends Andrew Marvell for such refinement. His early poems printed
+with those of Coleridge, his schoolfellow at Christ's Hospital, abounded
+with pure and tender sentiment, but never arrested the attention of the
+public. We can find in them no promise of the brilliancy for which he
+was afterwards so distinguished, except perhaps in his "Farewell to
+Tobacco," where for a moment he allowed his Pegasus to take a more
+fantastic flight.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Scent, to match thy rich perfume,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chemic art did ne'er presume,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Through her quaint alembic strain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">None so sovereign to the brain;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nature that did in thee excel,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Framed again no second smell,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Roses, violets, but toys</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">For the smaller sort of boys,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or for greener damsels meant,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thou art the only manly scent."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But although forbidden to smoke, he still hopes he may be allowed to
+enjoy a little of the delicious fragrance at a respectful distance&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And a seat too 'mongst the joys</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of the blest Tobacco Boys;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where though I, by sour physician,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Am debarred the full fruition</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of thy favours, I may catch</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some collateral sweets, and snatch</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sidelong odours that give life-</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like glances from a neighbour's wife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And still live in thee by places</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And the suburbs of thy graces;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And in thy borders take delight,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">An unconquered Canaanite."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>His early years brought forth another kind of humour which led to his
+being appointed jester to the "Morning Post." He was paid at the rate of
+sixpence a joke, furnished six a day, and depended upon this
+remuneration for his supplementary livelihood&mdash;everything beyond mere
+bread and cheese. As humour, like wisdom, is found of those who seek her
+not, we may suppose the quality of these productions was not very good.
+He thus bemoans his irksome task, which he performed generally before
+breakfast&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"No Egyptian task-master ever devised a slavery like to that, our
+slavery. No fractious operants ever turned out for half the
+tyranny, which this necessity exercised upon us. Half-a-dozen jests
+in a day, (bating Sundays too,) why, it seems nothing! We make
+twice the number every day in our lives as a matter of course, and
+claim no Sabbatical exemptions. But then they come into our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> head.
+But when the head has to go out to them&mdash;when the mountain must go
+to Mahomet. Readers, try it for once, only for some short
+twelvemonth."</p></div>
+
+<p>Lamb, however, only obtained this undesirable appointment by a
+coincidence he thus relates,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"A fashion of flesh&mdash;or rather pink-coloured hose for the ladies
+luckily coming up when we were on our probation for the place of
+Chief Jester to Stuart's Paper, established our reputation. We were
+pronounced a 'capital hand.' O! the conceits that we varied upon
+<i>red</i> in all its prismatic differences!... Then there was the
+collateral topic of ankles, what an occasion to a truly chaste
+writer like ourself of touching that nice brink and yet never
+tumbling over it, of a seemingly ever approximating something 'not
+quite proper,' while like a skilful posture master, balancing
+between decorums and their opposites, he keeps the line from which
+a hair's breadth deviation is destruction.... That conceit arrided
+us most at that time, and still tickles our midriff to remember
+where allusively to the flight of Astr&oelig;a we pronounced&mdash;in
+reference to the stockings still&mdash;that 'Modesty, taking her final
+leave of mortals, her last blush was visible in her ascent to the
+Heavens by the track of the glowing instep.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>References of a somewhat amatory character often make sayings
+acceptable, which for their intrinsic merit would scarcely raise a
+smile, and Lamb soon seriously deplored the loss of this serviceable
+assistance. He continues:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The fashion of jokes, with all other things, passes away as did
+the transient mode which had so favoured us. The ankles of our fair
+friends in a few weeks began to reassume their whiteness, and left
+us scarce a leg to stand upon. Other female whims followed, but
+none methought so pregnant, so invitatory of shrewd conceits, and
+more than single meanings."</p></div>
+
+<p>He tells us that Parson Este and Topham<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span> brought up the custom of witty
+paragraphs first in the "World," a doubtful statement&mdash;and that even in
+his day the leading papers began to give up employing permanent wits.
+Many of our provincial papers still regale us with a column of faceti&aelig;,
+but machine-made humour is not now much appreciated. We require
+something more natural, and the jests in these papers now consist mostly
+of extracts from the works, or anecdotes from the lives of celebrated
+men. The pressure thus brought to bear upon Lamb for the production of
+jests in a given time led him to indulge in very bad puns, and to try to
+justify them as pleasant eccentricities. What can be expected from a man
+who tells us that "the worst puns are the best," or who can applaud
+Swift for having asked, on accidentally meeting a young student carrying
+a hare; "Prithee, friend, is that your own hair or a wig?" He finds the
+charm in such hazards in their utter irrelevancy, and truly they can
+only be excused as flowing from a wild and unchastened fancy. It must
+require great joviality or eccentricity to find any humour in
+caricaturing a pun.</p>
+
+<p>Speaking of the prospectus of a certain Burial Society, who promised a
+handsome plate with an angel above and a flower below, Lamb
+ventures&mdash;"Many a poor fellow, I dare swear,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span> has that Angel and Flower
+kept from the Angel and Punchbowl, while to provide himself a bier he
+has curtailed himself of beer." But to record all Lamb's bad puns would
+be a dull and thankless task. We will finish the review of his verbal
+humour by quoting a passage out of an indifferent farce he wrote
+entitled, "Mr. H&mdash;&mdash;."</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>(<i>The hero cannot on account of his patronymic get any girl to
+marry him.</i>)</p>
+
+<p>"My plaguy ancestors, if they had left me but a Van, or a Mac, or
+an Irish O', it had been something to qualify it&mdash;Mynheer Van
+Hogsflesh, or Sawney Mac Hogsflesh, or Sir Phelim O'Hogsflesh, but
+downright blunt&mdash;&mdash; If it had been any other name in the world I
+could have borne it. If it had been the name of a beast, as Bull,
+Fox, Kid, Lamb, Wolf, Lion; or of a bird, as Sparrow, Hawk,
+Buzzard, Daw, Finch, Nightingale; or of a fish, as Sprat, Herring,
+Salmon; or the name of a thing, as Ginger, Hay, Wood; or of a
+colour, as Black, Gray, White, Green; or of a sound, as Bray; or
+the name of a month, as March, May; or of a place, as Barnet,
+Baldock, Hitchen; or the name of a coin, as Farthing, Penny,
+Twopenny; or of a profession, as Butcher, Baker, Carpenter, Piper,
+Fisher, Fletcher, Fowler, Glover; or a Jew's name, as Solomons,
+Isaacs, Jacobs; or a personal name, as Foot, Leg, Crookshanks,
+Heaviside, Sidebottom, Ramsbottom, Winterbottom; or a long name, as
+Blanchenhagen or Blanchhausen; or a short name as Crib, Crisp,
+Crips, Tag, Trot, Tub, Phips, Padge, Papps, or Prig, or Wig, or
+Pip, or Trip; Trip had been something, but Ho&mdash;!"</p>
+
+<p>(<i>Walks about in great agitation; recovering his coolness a little,
+sits down.</i>)</p></div>
+
+<p>These were weaker points in Lamb, but we must also look at the other
+side. Those who have read his celebrated essay on Hogarth will find that
+he possesses no great appreciation for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> that humour which is only
+intended to raise a laugh, and might conclude that he was more of a
+moralist than a humorist. He admires the great artist as an instructor,
+but admits that "he owes his immortality to his touches of humour, to
+his mingling the comic with the terrible." Those, he continues, are to
+be blamed who overlook the moral in his pictures, and are merely taken
+with the humour or disgusted by the vulgarity. Moreover, there is a
+propriety in the details; he notices the meaning in the tumbledown
+houses "the dumb rhetoric," in which "tables, chairs, and joint stools
+are living, and significant things." In these passages Lamb seems to
+regard the comic merely as a means to an end;&mdash;"Who sees not," he asks,
+"that the grave-digger in Hamlet, the fool in Lear have a kind of
+correspondency to, and fall in with, the subjects which they seem to
+interrupt; while the comic stuff in 'Venice Preserved,' and the doggrel
+nonsense of the cook and his poisoning associates in the Rollo of
+Beaumont and Fletcher are pure irrelevant, impertinent discords&mdash;as bad
+as the quarreling dog and cat under the table of our Lord and the
+Disciples at Emmaus, of Titian."</p>
+
+<p>Lamb's interpretation of Hogarth's works is that of a superior and
+thoughtful mind: but we cannot help thinking that the humour in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> them
+was not so entirely subordinate to the moral. One conclusion we may
+incidentally deduce from his remarks&mdash;that the meaning in pictorial
+illustrations, either as regards humour or sentiment, is not so
+appreciable as it would be in words, and consequently that caricatures
+labour under considerable disadvantages. "Much," he says, "depends upon
+the habits of mind we bring with us." And he continues&mdash;"It is peculiar
+to the confidence of high genius alone to trust much to spectators or
+readers," he might have added that in painting, this confidence is often
+misplaced, especially as regards the less imaginative part of the
+public. We owe him a debt, however, for a true observation with regard
+to the general uses of caricatures, that "it prevents that disgust at
+common life which an unrestricted passion for ideal forms and beauties
+is in danger of producing."</p>
+
+<p>But leaving passages in which Lamb approves of absurd jesting, and those
+in which he commends humour for pointing a moral, we come to consider
+the largest and most characteristic part of his writings, his pleasant
+essays, in which he has neither shown himself a moralist or a
+mountebank.</p>
+
+<p>The following is from an Essay "On the Melancholy of Tailors."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Observe the suspicious gravity of their gait. The peacock is not
+more tender, from a consciousness of his peculiar infirmity, than a
+gentleman of this profession is of being known by the same
+infallible testimonies of his occupation, 'Walk that I may know
+thee.'</p>
+
+<p>"Whoever saw the wedding of a tailor announced in the newspapers, or
+the birth of his eldest son?</p>
+
+<p>"When was a tailor known to give a dance, or to be himself a good
+dancer, or to perform exquisitely upon the tight rope, or to shine
+in any such light or airy pastimes? To sing, or play on the violin?
+Do they much care for public rejoicings, lightings up, ringing of
+bells, firing of cannons, &amp;c.</p>
+
+<p>"Valiant I know they be, but I appeal to those who were witnesses
+to the exploits of Eliot's famous troop whether in their fiercest
+charges they betrayed anything of that thoughtless oblivion to
+death with which a Frenchman jigs into battle, or, whether they did
+not show more of the melancholy valour of the Spaniard upon whom
+they charged that deliberate courage which contemplation and
+sedentary habits breathe."</p></div>
+
+<p>Lamb accounts for this melancholy of tailors in several ingenious ways.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"May it not be that the custom of wearing apparel, being derived to
+us from the fall, and one of the most mortifying products of that
+unhappy event, a certain seriousness (to say no more of it) may in
+the order of things have been intended to have been impressed upon
+the minds of that race of men to whom in all ages the care of
+contriving the human apparel has been entrusted."</p></div>
+
+<p>He makes further comments upon their habits and diet, observing that
+both Burton and Galen especially disapprove of cabbage.</p>
+
+<p>In "Roast Pig" we have one of those homely subjects which were congenial
+to Lamb.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There is no flavour comparable, I will contend, to that of the
+crisp, tawny, well-watched, not over roasted crackling&mdash;as it is
+well called&mdash;the very teeth are invited to their share of the
+pleasure at this banquet in overcoming the coy, brittle
+resistance&mdash;with the adhesive oleaginous&mdash;O<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> call it not fat&mdash;but
+an indefinable sweetness growing up to it&mdash;the tender blossoming of
+fat&mdash;fat cropped in the bud&mdash;taken in the shoot in the first
+innocence&mdash;the cream and quintessence of the child pig's yet pure
+food&mdash;the lean&mdash;no lean, but a kind of animal manna&mdash;or rather fat
+and lean (if it must be so) so blended and running into each other,
+that both together make but one ambrosian result, or common
+substance.</p>
+
+<p>"Behold him, while he is doing&mdash;it seemeth rather a refreshing
+warmth than a scorching heat, that he is passive to. How equably he
+twirleth round the string! Now he is just done. To see the extreme
+sensibility of that tender age; he hath wept out his pretty
+eyes&mdash;radiant jellies&mdash;shooting stars....</p>
+
+<p>"His sauce should be considered. Decidedly a few bread crumbs done
+up with his liver and brains, and a dish of mild sage. But banish,
+dear Mrs. Cook, I beseech you the whole onion tribe. Barbecue your
+whole hogs to your palate, steep them in shalots, stuff them out
+with plantations of the rank and guilty garlic, you cannot poison
+them or make them sharper than they are&mdash;but consider he is a
+weakling&mdash;a flower."</p></div>
+
+<p>Lamb gives his opinion that you can no more improve sucking pig than you
+can refine a violet.</p>
+
+<p>Thus he proceeds along his sparkling road&mdash;his humour and poetry
+gleaming one through the other, and often leaving us in pleasant
+uncertainty whether he is in jest or earnest. Though not gifted with the
+strength and suppleness of a great humorist, he had an intermingled
+sweetness and brightness beyond even the alchemy of Addison. We regret
+to see his old-fashioned figure receding from our view&mdash;but he will ever
+live in remembrance as the most joyous and affectionate of friends.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Byron&mdash;Vision of Judgment&mdash;Lines to Hodgson&mdash;Beppo&mdash;Humorous
+Rhyming&mdash;Profanity of the Age.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Moore considered that the original genius of Byron was for satire, and
+he certainly first became known by his "English Bards and Scotch
+Reviewers." Nevertheless, his humorous productions are very small
+compared with his sentimental. It might perhaps have been expected that
+his mind would assume a gloomy and cynical complexion. His personal
+infirmity, with which, in his childhood, even his mother was wont to
+taunt him, might well have begotten a severity similar to that of Pope.
+The pressure of friends and creditors led him, while a mere stripling,
+to form an uncongenial alliance with a stern puritan, who, while
+enjoying his renown, sought to force his soaring genius into the
+trammels of commonplace conventionalities. On his refusing, a clamour
+was raised against him, and those who were too dull to criticise his
+writings were fully equal to the task of finding fault with his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span> morals.
+It may be said that he might have smiled at these attacks, and conscious
+of his power, have replied to his social as well as literary critics</p>
+
+<p class='center'>
+"Better to err with Pope than shine with Pye,"
+</p>
+
+<p>and so he might, had he possessed an imperturbable temper, and been able
+to forecast his future fame. But a man's career is not secure until it
+is ended, and the throne of the author is often his tomb. Moreover, the
+same hot blood which laid him open to his enemies, also rendered him
+impatient of rebuke. Coercion roused his spirit of opposition; he fell
+to replies and retorts, and to "making sport for the Philistines." He
+would show his contempt for his foes by admitting their charges, and
+even by making himself more worthy of their vituperation. And so a great
+name and genius were tarnished and spotted, and a dark shadow fell upon
+his glory. But let us say he never drew the sword without provocation.
+In condemning the wholesale onslaught he made in the "Bards and
+Reviewers," we must remember that it was a reply to a most unwarrantable
+and offensive attack made upon him by the "Edinburgh Review," written as
+though the fact of the author being a nobleman had increased the spleen
+of the critic. It says:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The poesy of this young lord belongs to the class which neither
+gods nor men are said to permit. Indeed we do not recollect to have
+seen a quantity of verse with so few deviations in either direction
+for that exact standard. His effusions are spread over a dead flat,
+and can no more get above or below the level than if they were so
+much stagnant water.... We desire to counsel him that he forthwith
+abandon poetry and turn his talents, which are considerable, and
+his opportunities, which are great, to better account."<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a></p></div>
+
+<p>So his profanity in the "Vision of Judgment," was in answer to Southey's
+poem of that name, the introduction of which contained strictures
+against him. Accused of being Satanic, he replies with some profanity,
+and with that humour which he principally shows in such retorts&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His keys wore rusty, and the lock was dull,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So little trouble had been given of late&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not that the place by any means was full;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But since the Gallic era 'eighty-eight'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The devils had ta'en a longer, stronger pull,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And 'a pull together,' as they say</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At sea&mdash;which drew most souls another way.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The angels all were singing out of tune,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hoarse with having little else to do,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Excepting to wind up the sun and moon,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or curb a runaway young star or two,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or wild colt of a comet, which too soon</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Broke out of bounds o'er the ethereal blue,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Splitting some planet with its playful tail</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As boats are sometimes by a wanton whale."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The effect of Southey reading <i>his</i> "Vision of Judgment" is thus
+given:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Those grand heroics acted as a spell,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The angels stopped their ears, and plied their pinions,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The devils ran howling deafened down to hell,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The ghosts fled gibbering, for their own dominions."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>His poem on a lady who maligned him to his wife, seems to show that he
+did not well distinguish where the humorous ends and the ludicrous
+begins. He represents her&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"With a vile mask the Gorgon would disown</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A cheek of parchment and an eye of stone,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mark how the channels of her yellow blood</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ooze at her skin, and stagnate there to mud,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cased like the centipede in saffron mail,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A darker greenness of the scorpion's scale,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Look on her features! and behold her mind</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As in a mirror of itself defined."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>No one suffered more than Byron from his humour being misapprehended.
+His letters abound with jests and <i>jeux d'esprit</i>, which were often
+taken seriously as admissions of an immoral character. We gladly turn to
+something pleasanter&mdash;to some of the few humorous pieces he wrote in a
+genial tone&mdash;<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 1em;"><b>Epigram.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The world is a bundle of hay</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Mankind are the asses who pull</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Each tugs in a different way,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The greatest of all is John Bull.</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Lines to Mr. Hodgson (afterwards Provost of Eton) written on board the
+packet for Lisbon,</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Huzza! Hodgson, we are going,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Our embargo's off at last,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Favourable breezes blowing</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bend the canvas o'er the mast,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From aloft the signal's streaming</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hark! the farewell gun is fired,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Women screeching, tars blaspheming,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tell us that our time's expired.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Here's a rascal</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Come to task all,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Prying from the custom house;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Trunks unpacking,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Cases cracking,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not a corner for a mouse,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Scapes unsearched amid the racket</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ere we sail on board the packet....</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Now our boatmen quit the mooring,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all hands must ply the oar:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Baggage from the quay is lowering,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We're impatient, push from shore.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Have a care that case holds liquor&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stop the boat&mdash;I'm sick&mdash;oh Lord!"</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Sick, ma'am, d&mdash;me, you'll be sicker,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ere you've been an hour on board."</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Thus are screaming</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Men and women,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Gemmen, ladies, servants, tacks;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Here entangling,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">All are wrangling,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stuck together close as wax,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Such the general noise and racket</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Ere we reach the Lisbon packet.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Fletcher! Murray! Bob! where are you?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stretched along the deck like logs&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bear a hand, you jolly tar, you!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Here's a rope's end for the dogs.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hobhouse muttering fearful curses</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As the hatchway down he rolls,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Now his breakfast, now his verses,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Vomits forth and d&mdash;ns our souls.</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In Beppo there is much gay carnival merriment and some humour&mdash;a style
+well suited to Italian revelry. When Laura's husband, Beppo, returns,
+and is seen in a new guise at a ball, we read&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"He was a Turk the colour of mahogany</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Laura saw him, and at first was glad,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Because the Turks so much admire philogyny,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Although the usage of their wives is sad,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis said they use no better than a dog any</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Poor woman, whom they purchase like a pad;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They have a number though they ne'er exhibits 'em,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Four wives by law and concubines 'ad libitum."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>On being assured that he is her husband, she exclaims&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"<i>Beppo.</i> And are you really truly, now a Turk?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With any other women did you wive?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is't true they use their fingers for a fork?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Well, that's the prettiest shawl&mdash;as I'm alive!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You'll give it me? They say you eat no pork.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And how so many years did you contrive</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To&mdash;Bless me! did I ever? No, I never</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Saw a man grown so yellow! How's your liver?"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>More than half the poem is taken up with digressions, more or less
+amusing, such as&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oh, mirth and innocence! Oh milk and water!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ye happy mixtures of more happy days!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In these sad centuries of sin and slaughter</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Abominable man no more allays</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">His thirst with such pure beverage. No matter,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">I love you both, and both shall have my praise!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh, for old Saturn's reign of sugar-candy!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Meantime I drink to your return in brandy."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>We may observe that there is humour in the rhymes in the above stanzas.
+He often used absurd terminations to his lines as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For bating Covent garden, I can hit on</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No place that's called Piazza in Great Britain."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>People going to Italy, are to take with them&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Ketchup, Soy, Chili-vinegar and Harvey,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or, by the Lord! a Lent will well nigh starve ye."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>We are here reminded of the endings of some of Butler's lines. Such
+rhymes were then regarded as poetical, but in our improved taste we only
+use them for humour. Lamb considered them to be a kind of punning, but
+in one case the same position, in the other the same signification is
+given to words of the same sound. The following couplet was written
+humorously by Swift for a dog's collar&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Pray steal me not: I'm Mrs. Dingley's</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Pope has the well known lines,</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Worth makes the man and want of it the fellow,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all the rest is leather and prunella."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Miss Sinclair also, in her description of the Queen's visit to Scotland,
+has adopted these irregular terminations with good effect&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Our Queen looks far better in Scotland than England</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">No sight's been like this since I once saw the King land.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Edina! long thought by her neighbours in London</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A poor country cousin by poverty undone;</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The tailors with frantic speed, day and night cut on,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While scolded to death if they misplace a button.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And patties and truffles are better for Verrey's aid,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And cream tarts like those which once almost killed Scherezade."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The parallelism of poetry has undergone very many changes, but there has
+generally been an inclination to assimilate it to the style of chants or
+ballad music. The forms adopted may be regarded as arbitrary&mdash;the
+rythmical tendency of the mind being largely influenced by established
+use and surrounding circumstances. We cannot see any reason why rhymes
+should be terminal&mdash;they might be at one end of the line as well as at
+the other. We might have&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Early rose of Springs first dawn,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Pearly dewdrops gem thy breast,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sweetest emblem of our hopes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Meetest flower for Paradise."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But there are signs that all this pedantry, graceful as it is, will
+gradually disappear. Blank verse is beginning to assert its sway, and
+the sentiment in poetry is less under the domination of measure. No
+doubt the advance to this freer atmosphere will be slow, music has
+already adopted a wider harmony. Ballads are being superseded by part
+singing, and airs by sonatas. The time will come when to produce a
+jingle at the end of lines will seem as absurd as the rude harmonies of
+Dryden and Butler now appear to us.</p>
+
+<p>It would not be just to judge of the profanity of Byron by the standard
+of the present day.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> We have seen that two centuries since parodies
+which to us would seem distasteful, if not profane, were written and
+enjoyed by eminent men. Probably Byron, a man of wide reading had seen
+them, and thought that he too might tread on unforbidden ground and
+still lay claim to innocence. The periodicals and collections of the
+time frequently published objectionable imitations of the language of
+Scripture and of the Liturgy, evidently ridiculing the peculiarities
+inseparable from an old-fashioned style and translation. In the
+"Wonderful Magazine" there was "The Matrimonial Creed," which sets forth
+that the wife is to bear rule over the husband, a law which is to be
+kept whole on pain of being "scolded everlastingly."</p>
+
+<p>A litany supposed to have been written by a nobleman against Tom Paine,
+was in the following style.<br /><br /></p>
+
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 2em;"><b>The Poor Man's Litany.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"From four pounds of bread at sixteen-pence price,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And butter at eighteen, though not very nice,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And cheese at a shilling, though gnawed by the mice,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 6em;">Good Lord deliver us!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The "Chronicles of the Kings of England," by Nathan Ben Sadi were also
+of this kind, parodies on Scripture were used at Elections on both
+sides, and one on the Te Deum against<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> Napoleon had been translated into
+all the European languages. But a most remarkable trial took place in
+the year 1817, that of William Hone for publishing profane parodies
+against the Government. From this we might have hoped that a better
+taste was at length growing up, but Hone maintained that the prosecution
+was undertaken on political grounds, and that had the satires been in
+favour of the Government nothing would have been said against them. He
+also complained of the profanity of his accuser, the Attorney-General,
+who was perpetually "taking the Lord's name in vain" during his speech.
+Some parts of Hone's publications seem to have debased the Church
+Services by connecting them with what was coarse and low, but the main
+object was evidently to ridicule the Regent and his Ministers, and this
+view led the jury to acquit him. Still there was no doubt that his
+satire reflected in both ways. His Catechism of a Ministerial member
+commenced&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Question.</i> What is your name?</p>
+
+<p><i>Answer.</i> Lick-spittle.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ques.</i> Who gave you this name?</p>
+
+<p><i>Ans.</i> My Sureties to the Ministry in my political charge, wherein
+I was made a member of the majority, the child of corruption, and a
+locust to devour the good things of this kingdom.</p></div>
+
+<p>The supplications in his Litany were of the following kind<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"O Prince! ruler of thy people, have mercy upon us thy miserable
+subjects."</p></div>
+
+<p>Some of Gillray's caricatures would not now be tolerated, such as that
+representing Hoche ascending to Heaven surrounded by Seraphim and
+Cherubim&mdash;grotesque figures with red nightcaps and tri-coloured cockades
+having books before them containing the Marseillaise hymn. In another
+Pitt was going to heaven in the form of Elijah, and letting his mantle
+drop on the King's Ministers.</p>
+
+<p>It must be admitted that there is often a great difficulty in deciding
+whether the intention was to ridicule the original writing or the
+subject treated in the Parody. A variety of circumstances may tend to
+determine the question on one side or the other, but regard should
+especially be had as to whether any imperfection in the original is
+pointed out. The fault may be only in form, but in the best travesties
+the sense and subject are also ridiculed, and with justice.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the aim in the celebrated "Rejected Addresses," and it was well
+carried out. This work now exhibits the ephemeral character of humour,
+for, the originals having fallen into obscurity, the imitations afford
+no amusement. But we can still appreciate a few, especially the two
+respectively commencing:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"My brother Jack was nine in May,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">And I was eight on New Year's day;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So in Kate Wilson's shop,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Papa, (he's my papa and Jack's,)</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bought me, last week, a doll of wax,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And brother Jack a top."...</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>And&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"O why should our dull retrospective addresses,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Fall damp as wet blankets on Drury Lane fire?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Away with blue devils, away with distresses,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And give the gay spirit to sparkling desire.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Let artists decide on the beauties of Drury,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The richest to me is when woman is there;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The question of houses I leave to the jury;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The fairest to me is the house of the fair."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>The point in these will be recognised at once, as Wordsworth and Moore
+are still well known.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Theodore Hook&mdash;Improvisatore Talent&mdash;Poetry&mdash;Sydney Smith&mdash;The "Dun
+Cow"&mdash;Thomas Hood&mdash;Gin&mdash;Tylney Hall&mdash;John Trot&mdash;Barbara's Legends.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Theodore Hook was at Harrow with Lord Byron, and characteristically
+commenced his career there by breaking one of Mrs. Drury's windows at
+the suggestion of that nobleman. His father was a popular composer of
+music, and young Theodore's first employment was that of writing songs
+for him. This, no doubt, gave the boy a facility, and led to the great
+celebrity he acquired for his improvisatore talent. He was soon much
+sought for in society, and a friend has told me that he has heard him,
+on sitting down to the piano, extemporize two or three hundred lines,
+containing humorous remarks upon all the company. On one occasion, Sir
+Roderick Murchison was present, and some would have been a little
+puzzled how to bring such a name into rhyme, but he did not hesitate a
+moment running on:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And now I'll get the purchase on,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To sing of Roderick Murchison."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Cowden Clark relates that when at a party and playing his symphony,
+Theodore asked his neighbour what was the name of the next guest, and
+then sang:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Next comes Mr. Winter, collector of taxes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And you must all pay him whatever he axes;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And down on the nail, without any flummery;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For though he's called Winter, his acts are all summary."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Horace Twiss tried to imitate him in this way, but failed. Hook's humour
+was not of very high class. He was fond of practical jokes, such as that
+of writing a hundred letters to tradesmen desiring them all to send
+goods to a house on a given day. Sometimes he would surprise strangers
+by addressing some strange question to them in the street. He started
+the "John Bull" newspaper, in which he wrote many humorous papers, and
+amused people by expressing his great surprise, on crossing the Channel,
+to find that every little boy and girl could speak French.</p>
+
+<p>He wrote cautionary verses against punning:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That very silly thing, indeed, which people call a pun;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For instance, <i>ale</i> may make you <i>ail</i>, your <i>aunt</i> an <i>ant</i> may kill,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">You in a <i>vale</i> may buy a <i>veil</i>, and <i>Bill</i> may pay the <i>bill</i>;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A <i>peer</i> appears upon the <i>pier</i>, who blind still goes to <i>sea</i>."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But he was much given to the practice he condemns&mdash;here is an epigram&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"It seems as if Nature had cunningly planned</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That men's names with their trades should agree,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There's Twining the tea-man, who lives in the Strand,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Would be <i>whining</i> if robbed of his T."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Mistakes of words by the uneducated are a very ordinary resource of
+humorists, but, of course, there is a great difference in the quality of
+such jests. Mrs. Ramsbottom in Paris, eats a <i>voulez-vous</i> of fowl, and
+some pieces of <i>crape</i>, and goes to the <i>symetery</i> of the <i>Chaise and
+pair</i>. Afterwards she goes to the <i>Hotel de Veal</i>, and buys some <i>sieve</i>
+jars to keep <i>popery</i> in.</p>
+
+<p>Hook was a strong Tory, and some of his best humour was political. One
+of his squibs has been sometimes attributed to Lord Palmerston.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Fair Reform, Celestial maid!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Hope of Britons! Hope of Britons!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Calls her followers to aid;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She has fit ones, she has fit ones!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">They would brave in danger's day,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Death to win her! Death to win her;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If they met not by the way,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Michael's dinner! Michael's dinner!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Alluding to a dinner-party which kept several Members from the House on
+the occasion of an important division.</p>
+
+<p>Among his political songs may be reckoned "The Invitation" (from one of
+the Whig patronesses of the Lady's Fancy Dress Ball,)<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Freedom's flag at Willis's is just unfurled,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">We, with French dances, will overcome French vapouring,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And with ice and Roman punch amaze the world;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There's I myself, and Lady L&mdash;&mdash;, you'll seldom meet a rummer set,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With Lady Grosvenor, Lady Foley, and her Grace of Somerset,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">While Lady Jersey fags herself, regardless of the bustle, ma'am,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With Lady Cowper, Lady Anne, and Lady William Russell, ma'am.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Come, ladies, come, &amp;c."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>There is a sort of polite social satire running through Theodore Hook's
+works, but it does not exhibit any great inventive powers. In
+"Byroniana," he ridicules the gossiping books written after Byron's
+death, pretending to give the minutest accounts of his habits and
+occasional observations&mdash;and generally omitting the names of their
+authority. Thus Hook tells us in a serio-comic tone:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"He had a strong antipathy to pork when underdone or stale, and
+nothing could induce him to partake of fish which had been caught
+more than ten days&mdash;indeed, he had a singular dislike even to the
+smell of it. He told me one night that &mdash;&mdash; told &mdash;&mdash; that if &mdash;&mdash;
+would only &mdash;&mdash; him &mdash;&mdash; she would &mdash;&mdash; without any compunction:
+for her &mdash;&mdash;, who though an excellent man, was no &mdash;&mdash;, but that
+she never &mdash;&mdash;, and this she told &mdash;&mdash; and &mdash;&mdash; as well as Lady
+&mdash;&mdash; herself. Byron told me this in confidence, and I may be blamed
+for repeating it; but &mdash;&mdash; can corroborate it; if it happens not to
+be gone to &mdash;&mdash;"</p></div>
+
+<p>The following written against an old-fashioned gentleman, Mr. Brown, who
+objects to the improvements of the age, is interesting. It is amusing
+now to read an ironical defence of steam, intended to ridicule the
+pretensions of its advocates.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. Brown sneers at steam and growls at gas. I contend that the
+utility of constructing a coach which shall go by hot water, nearly
+as fast as two horses can draw it at a trifling additional expense,
+promises to be wonderfully useful. We go too fast, Sir, with
+horses; besides, horses eat oats, and farmers live by selling oats;
+if, therefore, by inconveniencing ourselves, and occasionally
+risking our lives, we can, however imperfectly, accomplish by steam
+what is now done by horses, we get rid of the whole race of
+oat-sowers, oat-sellers, oat-eaters, and oat-stealers, vulgarly
+called ostlers."</p></div>
+
+<p>Sydney Smith especially aimed at pleasantry in his humour, there was no
+animosity in it, and generally no instruction. Mirth, pure and simple,
+was his object. Rogers observes "After Luttrell, you remembered what
+good things he said&mdash;after Smith how much you laughed."</p>
+
+<p>In Moore's Diary we read "at a breakfast at Roger's, Smith, full of
+comicality and fancy, kept us all in roars of laughter." His wit was so
+turned, that it never wounded. When he took leave of Lord Dudley, the
+latter said, "You have been laughing at me constantly, Sydney, for the
+last seven years, and yet in all that time, you never said a thing to me
+that I wished unsaid."</p>
+
+<p>It would be superfluous to give a collection of Smith's good sayings,
+but the following is characteristic of his style. When he heard of a
+small Scotchman going to marry a lady of large dimensions, he exclaimed,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Going to marry her? you mean a part of her, he could not marry her
+all. It would be not bigamy but trigamy. There is enough of her to
+furnish wives for a whole parish.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> You might people a colony with
+her, or give an assembly with her, or perhaps take your morning's
+walk round her, always providing there were frequent resting-places
+and you were in rude health. I was once rash enough to try walking
+round her before breakfast, but only got halfway, and gave up
+exhausted."</p></div>
+
+<p>Smith's humour was nearly always of this continuous kind, "changing its
+shape and colour to many forms and hues." He wished to continue the
+merriment to the last, but such repetition weakened its force. His
+humour is better when he has some definite aim in view, as in his
+letters about America, where he lost his money. But we have not many
+specimens of it in his writings, the following is from "The Dun Cow:"&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The immense importance of a pint of ale to a common man should
+never be overlooked, nor should a good-natured Justice forget that
+he is acting for Lilliputians, whose pains and pleasures lie in
+very narrow compass, and are but too apt to be treated with neglect
+and contempt by their superiors. About ten or eleven o'clock in the
+morning, perhaps, the first faint shadowy vision of a future pint
+of beer dawns on the fancy of the ploughman. Far, very far is it
+from being fully developed. Sometimes the idea is rejected;
+sometimes it is fostered. At one time he is almost fixed on the
+'Red Horse,' but the blazing fire and sedulous kindness of the
+landlady of the 'Dun Cow' shake him, and his soul labours! Heavy is
+the ploughed land, dark, dreary, and wet the day. His purpose is at
+last fixed for beer! Threepence is put down for the vigour of the
+ale, and one penny for the stupefaction of tobacco, and these are
+the joys and holidays of millions, the greatest pleasure and
+relaxation which it is in the power of fortune to bestow."</p></div>
+
+<p>Such kindly feelings as animated Sydney Smith were found more fully
+developed in Thomas Hood. He made his humour minister<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> to philanthropy.
+The man who wrote the "Song of the Shirt" felt keenly for all the
+sufferings of the poor&mdash;he even favoured some of their unreasonable
+complaints. Thus he writes the "Address of the Laundresses to the Steam
+Washing Company," to show how much they are injured by such an
+institution. In a "Drop of Gin," he inveighs against this destructive
+stimulant.</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Gin! gin! a drop of gin!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What magnified monsters circle therein,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bagged and stained with filth and mud,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some plague-spotted, and some with blood."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>He seems not to be well pleased with Mr. Bodkin, the Secretary for the
+Society for the Suppression of Mendicity&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Hail! king of shreds and patches, hail!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Dispenser of the poor!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thou dog in office set to bark</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">All beggars from the door!</span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%; Margin-left: 2em; Margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;" />
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Of course thou art what Hamlet meant</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To wretches, the last friend;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What ills can mortals have that can't</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With a bare <i>bodkin</i> end."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Mr. M'Adam is apostrophized&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Hail Roadian, hail Colossus, who dost stand,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Striding ten thousand turnpikes on the land?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh, universal Leveller! all hail!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>In a sporting dialogue in "Tylney Hall," we have&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'A clever little nag, that,' said the Squire, after a long
+one-eyed look at the brown mare, 'knows how to go, capital action.'</p>
+
+<p>"'A picture, isn't she?' said the Baronet. 'I bought her last week
+by way of a surprise to Ringwood. She was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span> bred by old Toby Sparks
+at Hollington, by Tiggumbob out of Tolderol, by Diddledumkins,
+Cockalorum, and so forth.'</p>
+
+<p>"'An odd fish, old Toby;' said the Squire, 'always give 'em queer
+names: can jump a bit, no doubt?'</p>
+
+<p>"'She jumps like a flea,' said Dick, 'and as for galloping, she can
+go from anywhere to everywhere in forty minutes&mdash;and back again.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>We may also mention his description of an old-fashioned doctor.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"At first sight we were in doubt whether to set him down as a
+doctor or a pedagogue, for his dress presented one very
+characteristic appendage of the latter, namely a square cut black
+coat, which never was, never would be, and probably never had been,
+in fashion. A profusion of cambric frills, huge silver
+shoe-buckles, a snuff-box of the same metal, and a gold-headed cane
+belonging rather to the costume of the physician of the period. He
+wore a very precise wig of a very decided brown, regularly crisped
+at the top like a bunch of endive, and in front, following the
+exact curves of the arches of two bushy eyebrows. He had dark eyes,
+a prominent nose, and a wide mouth&mdash;the corners of which in smiling
+were drawn towards his double chin. A florid colour on his face
+hinted a plethoric habit, while a portly body and a very short
+thick neck bespoke an apoplectic tendency. Warned by these
+indications, prudence had made him a strict water-drinker, and
+abstemious in his diet&mdash;a mode of treatment which he applied to all
+his patients short or tall, stout or thin, with whom whatever their
+disease, he invariably began by reducing them, as an arithmetician
+would say, to their lowest terms. This mode of treatment raised him
+much in the estimation of the parish authorities."</p></div>
+
+<p>The humour in the following is of a lighter and more tricksy kind&mdash;<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p>
+<span class="smcap" style="margin-left: 1em;"><b>Written in a Young Lady's Album.</b></span><br /><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Upon your cheek I may not speak,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nor on your lip be warm,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I must be wise about your eyes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And formal with your form;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of all that sort of thing, in short,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On T. H. Bayly's plan,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I must not twine a single line,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'm not a single man."</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>On hearing that Grimaldi had left the stage, he enumerates his funny
+performances&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Oh, who like thee could ever drink,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or eat&mdash;smile&mdash;swallow&mdash;bolt&mdash;and choke,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Nod, weep, and hiccup&mdash;sneeze and wink?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thy very gown was quite a joke!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though Joseph Junior acts not ill,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'There's no fool like the old fool still.'"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>His felicity in playing with words is well exhibited in the stanzas on
+"John Trot."</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"John Trot he was as tall a lad</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">As York did ever rear,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">As his dear granny used to say,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He'd make a Grenadier.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"A serjeant soon came down to York</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">With ribbons and a frill;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My lad, said he, let broadcast be,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And come away to drill.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"But when he wanted John to 'list,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In war he saw no fun,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where what is call'd a raw recruit,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Gets often over-done.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Let others carry guns, said he,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And go to war's alarms,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But I have got a shoulder-knot</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Imposed upon my arms.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For John he had a footman's place,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To wait on Lady Wye,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She was a dumpy woman, tho'</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Her family was high.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Now when two years had passed away</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Her lord took very ill,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And left her to her widowhood,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of course, more dumpy still.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Said John, I am a proper man,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And very tall to see,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who knows, but now her lord is low</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">She may look up to me?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'A cunning woman told me once</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Such fortune would turn up,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She was a kind of sorceress,</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 2em;">But studied in a cup.'</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"So he walked up to Lady Wye,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And took her quite amazed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She thought though John was tall enough</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He wanted to be raised.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"But John&mdash;for why? she was a dame</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of such a dwarfish sort&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had only come to bid her make</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Her mourning very short.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Said he, 'your lord is dead and cold,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">You only cry in vain,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not all the cries of London now,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Could call him back again.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'You'll soon have many a noble beau,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To dry your noble tears,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But just consider this that I</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Have followed you for years.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'And tho' you are above me far,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">What matters high degree,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When you are only four foot nine,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And I am six foot three?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'For though you are of lofty race,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And I'm a low-born elf,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet none among your friends could say,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">You matched beneath yourself.'</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Said she, 'such insolence as this</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Can be no common case;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though you are in my service, Sir,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Your love is out of place.'</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'O Lady Wye! O Lady Wye!</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Consider what you do;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How can you be so short with me,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">I am not so with you!'</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Then ringing for her serving-men,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">They show'd him to the door;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Said they, 'you turn out better now,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Why didn't you before?'</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"They stripp'd his coat, and gave him kicks</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For all his wages due,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And off instead of green and gold</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He went in black and blue.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"No family would take him in</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Because of this discharge,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So he made up his mind to serve</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 2em;">The country all at large.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Huzza!' the serjeant cried, and put</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The money in his hand,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And with a shilling cut him off</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">From his paternal land.</span><br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For when his regiment went to fight</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">At Saragossa town,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A Frenchman thought he look'd too tall,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And so he cut him down."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Barham's humour, as seen in his "Ingoldsby Legends," is of a lower
+character, but shows that the author possessed a great natural facility.
+He had keen observation, but his taste did not prevent his employing it
+on what was coarse and puerile. Common slang abounds, as in "The Vulgar
+Little Boy;" he talks of "the devil's cow's tail," and is little afraid
+of extravagances. His metre often assists him, and we have often comic
+rhyming as where "Mephistopheles" answers to "Coffee lees," and he
+says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"To gain your sweet smiles, were I Sardanapalus,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'd descend from my throne, and be boots at an alehouse,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But in raising a laugh and affording a pleasant distraction by fantastic
+humour on common subjects, the "Ingoldsby Legends" have been highly
+successful, and they are recommended by an occasional historical
+allusion, especially at the expense of the old monks. Being written by a
+man of knowledge and cultivation, they rise considerably above the
+standard of the contributions to lower class comic papers, which in some
+respects they resemble.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Douglas Jerrold&mdash;Liberal Politics&mdash;Advantages of Ugliness&mdash;Button
+Conspiracy&mdash;Advocacy of Dirt&mdash;The "Genteel Pigeons."</p></div>
+
+
+<p>There is an earnestness and a political complexion in the humour of
+Douglas Jerrold, such as might be expected from a man who had been
+educated in the school of adversity. He was born in a garret at
+Sheerness, where his father was manager of the theatre; and as he grew
+up in the seaport among ships, sailors and naval preparations, his
+ambition was fired, and he entered the service as a midshipman. On his
+return, after a short period, he found his father immersed in
+difficulties, due probably to the inactivity at the seaport in time of
+peace. Many a man has owed his success in life partly to his following
+his father's profession, and here fortune favoured Jerrold, as his
+maritime experiences assisted him as a writer for the stage. We can
+easily understand how "Black-eyed Susan" would move the hearts of
+sailors returning after a long voyage. Meanwhile the inner power and
+energy of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> man developed itself in many directions; he perfected
+himself in Latin, French and Italian literature, wrote "leaders" for the
+"Morning Herald," and articles for Magazines. All his works were short,
+and those which were most approved never assumed an important character.
+The most successful enterprise in his career was his starting "Punch,"
+in conjunction with Gilbert' A-Beckett and Mark Lemon.</p>
+
+<p>Jerrold was a staunch and sturdy liberal, and his original idea was that
+of a periodical to expose every kind of hypocrisy, and fraud, and
+especially to attack the strongholds of Toryism. "Punch" owed much at
+its commencement to the pen of Jerrold, and has well retained its
+character for fun, although it scarcely now represents its projector's
+political ardour.</p>
+
+<p>His conversation overflowed with pleasantry, and in conversation he
+sometimes hazarded a pun, as when he asked Talfourd whether he had any
+more "Ions" in the fire. But the critic, who says that "every jest of
+his was a gross incivility made palatable by a pun," is singularly
+infelicitous, for as a humorous writer he is almost unique in his
+freedom from verbal humour. His style is often adagial or exaggerated,
+and we are constantly meeting such sentences as;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Music was only invented to gammon human nature, and that is the
+reason that women are so fond of it."</p>
+
+<p>"A fellow from a horsepond will know anybody who's a supper and a
+bed to give him."</p>
+
+<p>"To whip a rascal for his rags is to pay flattering homage to cloth
+of gold."</p>
+
+<p>"A suspicious man would search a pincushion for treason, and see
+daggers in a needle case."</p>
+
+<p>"Wits, like drunken men with swords, are apt to draw their steel
+upon their best acquaintance."</p>
+
+<p>"What was talked of as the golden chain of love, was nothing but a
+succession of laughs, a chromatic scale of merriment reaching from
+earth to Olympus."</p></div>
+
+<p>St. Giles' and St. James' is written to show that "St. James in his
+brocade may probably learn of St. Giles in his tatters." It abounds in
+quaint and humorous moralizing. Here is a specimen&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"We cannot say if there really be not a comfort in substantial
+ugliness: ugliness that unchanged will last a man his life, a good
+granite face in which there shall be no wear or tear. A man so
+appointed is saved many alarms, many spasms of pride. Time cannot
+wound his vanity through his features; he eats, drinks, and is
+merry in spite of mirrors. No acquaintance starts at sudden
+alteration, hinting in such surprise, decay and the final tomb. He
+grows old with no former intimates&mdash;churchyard voices&mdash;crying 'How
+you're altered.' How many a man might have been a truer husband, a
+better father, firmer friend, more valuable citizen, had he, when
+arrived at legal maturity, cut off, say&mdash;an inch of his nose. This
+inch&mdash;only an inch!&mdash;would have destroyed the vanity of the very
+handsomest face, and so driven the thought of a man from a vulgar
+looking-glass, a piece of shop crystal&mdash;and more, from the fatal
+mirrors carried in the heads of women, to reflect heaven knows how
+many coxcombs who choose to stare into them&mdash;driven the man to the
+glass of his own mind. With such small sacrifice he might have been
+a philosopher. Thus considered, how many a coxcomb may be within an
+inch of a sage!"</p></div>
+
+<p>In another passage of the same book we read<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Was there not Whitlow, beadle of the parish of St. Scraggs? What a
+man-beast was Whitlow! how would he, like an avenging ogre, scatter
+apple-women! how would he foot little boys guilty of peg-tops and
+marbles! how would he puff at a beggar&mdash;puff like the picture of
+the north wind in a spelling book! What a huge heavy purple face he
+had, as though all the blood of his body were stagnant in his
+cheeks! and then when he spoke, would he not growl and snuffle like
+a dog? How the parish would have hated him, but that the parish
+heard there was a Mrs. Whitlow; a small fragile woman, with a face
+sharp as a penknife, and lips that cut her words like scissors! and
+what a forlorn wretch was Whitlow with his head brought once a
+night to the pillow! poor creature! helpless, confused; a huge
+imbecility, a stranded whale! Mrs. Whitlow talked and talked; and
+there was not an apple-woman that in Whitlow's sufferings was not
+avenged: not a beggar that, thinking of the beadle at midnight,
+might not in his compassion have forgiven the beadle of the day.
+And in this punishment we acknowledge a grand, a beautiful
+retribution. A Judge Jeffreys in his wig is an abominable tyrant;
+yet may his victims sometimes smile to think what Judge Jeffreys
+suffers in his night cap!"</p></div>
+
+<p>It is almost unnecessary to observe that the writer of Mrs. Caudle's
+Curtain Lectures was somewhat severe upon the fair sex. His idea of a
+perfect woman is that of one who is beautiful, "and can do everything
+but speak." In the "Chronicles of Clovernook"&mdash;<i>i.e.</i> of his little
+retreat near Herne Bay&mdash;he gives an account of the Hermit of Bellyfulle,
+who lives in "the cell of the corkscrew," and among many amusing
+paradoxes, maintains the following,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Ay, Sir, the old story&mdash;the old grievance, Sir, twixt man and
+woman," said the hermit.</p>
+
+<p>"And what is that, Sir?" we asked.</p>
+
+<p>The hermit shaking his head, and groaning cried, "Buttons."</p>
+
+<p>"Buttons!" said we.</p>
+
+<p>Our hermit drew himself closer to the table, and spreading his arms
+upon it, leaned forward with the serious air<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> of a man prepared to
+discuss a grave thing. "Buttons," he repeated. Then clearing his
+throat he began, "In the course of your long and, I hope, well
+spent life, has it never come with thunderbolt conviction on you
+that all washerwomen, clear-starchers, getters up of fine linen, or
+under whatever name Eve's daughters&mdash;for as Eve brought upon us the
+stern necessity of a shirt, it is but just that her girls should
+wash it&mdash;under whatever name they cleanse and beautify flax and
+cotton, that they are all under some compact, implied or solemnly
+entered upon amongst themselves and their non-washing,
+non-starching, non-getting up sisterhood, that by means subtle and
+more mortally certain, they shall worry, coax, and drive all
+bachelors and widowers soever into the pound of irredeemable
+wedlock? Has this tremendous truth, sir, never struck you?'</p>
+
+<p>"'How?&mdash;by what means?' we asked.</p>
+
+<p>"'Simply by buttons.' answered the hermit, bringing down his
+clenched fist upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>"We knew it&mdash;we looked incredulous.</p>
+
+<p>"'See here, sir,' said the Hermit, leaning still farther across the
+table, 'I will take a man, who on his outstart in life, set his hat
+a-cock at matrimony&mdash;a man who defies Hymen and all his wicked
+wiles. Nevertheless, sir, the man must have a shirt, the man must
+have a washerwoman, Think you that that shirt returning from the
+tub, never wants one, two&mdash;three buttons? Always, sir, always. Sir,
+though I am now an anchorite I have lived in your bustling world,
+and seen&mdash;ay, quite as much as anyone of its manifold wickedness.
+Well, the man&mdash;the buttonless man&mdash;at first calmly remonstrates
+with his laundress. He pathetically wrings his wrists at her, and
+shows his condition. The woman turns upon him her wainscot face and
+promises amendment. The thing shall never happen again. Think you
+the next shirt has its just and lawful number of buttons? Devil a
+bit!'"</p></div>
+
+<p>In "The Bright Poker," he seems to pay a compliment under a guise of
+sarcasm:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"And here my dear child, let me advise you to avoid by all means
+what is called a clean wife. You will be made to endure the extreme
+of misery under the base, the inviduous pretext of being rendered
+comfortable. Your house will be an ark tossed by continual floods.
+You will never know what it is to properly accommodate your
+shoulders to a shirt, so brief will be its visit to your back ere
+it again go to the washtub. And then for spiders, fleas, and other
+household insects, sent especially into our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> homesteads to awaken
+the enquiring spirit of man, to at once humble his individual pride
+by the contemplation of their sagacity, and to elevate him by the
+frequent evidence of the marvels of animal life&mdash;all these calls
+upon our higher faculties will be wanting, and lacking them your
+immortal part will be dizzied, stunned by the monotony of the
+scrubbing-brush, and poisoned past the remedy of perfume by yellow
+soap. Your wife and children, too, will have their faces
+continually shining like the holiday saucers on the mantel-piece.
+Now consider the conceit, the worse than arrogance of this; the
+studied callous forgetfulness of the beginning of man. Did he not
+spring from the earth?&mdash;from clay&mdash;dirt&mdash;mould&mdash;mud&mdash;garden soil,
+or composition of some sort, for theological geology (you must look
+in the dictionary for these words) has not precisely defined what;
+and is it not the basest impudence of pride to seek to wash and
+scrub and rub away the original spot? Is he not the most natural
+man who in vulgar meaning is the dirtiest? Depend upon it, there is
+a fine natural religion in dirt; and yet we see men and women
+strive to appear as if they were compounded of the roses and lilies
+in Paradise instead of the fine rich loam, that feeds their roots.
+Be assured of it, there is great piety in what the ignorant
+foolishly call filth. Take some of the Saints for an example&mdash;off
+with their coats, and away with their hair shirts; and even then,
+my son, so intently have they considered and been influenced by the
+lowly origin of man, that with the most curious eye, and most
+delicate finger, you shall not be able to tell where either saint
+or dirt begins or ends."</p></div>
+
+<p>In a "Man made of Money," we have something original&mdash;a dialogue between
+two fleas, as they stand on the brow of Mr. Jericho&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'My son,' says the elder, 'true it is, man feeds for us. Man is
+the labouring chemist for the fleas; for them he turns the richest
+meats and spiciest drinks to flea wine. Nevertheless, and I say it
+with much pain, man is not what he was. He adulterates our tipple
+most wickedly.'</p>
+
+<p>"'I felt it with the last lodgers,' says the younger flea. 'They
+drank vile spirits, their blood was turpentine with, I fear, a dash
+of vitriol. How they lived at all, I know not. I always had the
+headache in the morning. Here however,' and the juvenile looked
+steadfastly down upon the plain of flesh, the wide champaign
+beneath him&mdash;'here we have promise of better fare.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>But Douglas Jerrold's best humour is usually<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> rather in the narrative
+and general issue than in any sudden hits or surprises. His "Sketches of
+The English" are humorous and admirably drawn, but it would be difficult
+to produce a single striking passage out of them. One of the most
+amusing stories in his collection of "Cakes and Ale" is called "The
+Genteel Pigeons."&mdash;A newly married couple return home before the end of
+the honeymoon, but wish to keep their arrival secret. George Tomata, a
+connection of the family, but unknown to Pigeon, calls at the house, and
+is denied admittance by the servant, but Pigeon, happening to come down
+asks if he has any message of importance to transact&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'Not in the least, no&mdash;not at all,' answered Tomata leisurely
+ascending the stairs, and with Mr Pigeon entering the drawing-room,
+'So, the Pigeons are not at home yet eh?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon the day of their marriage,' answered Pigeon
+softly, 'went to Brighton.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Ha! well, that's not three weeks yet. Of course, Sir, you are
+intimate with Mr. Pigeon?'</p>
+
+<p>"'I have the pleasure, sir,' said Samuel.</p>
+
+<p>"'You lodge here, no doubt? Excuse me, although I have not with you
+the pleasure&mdash;and doubtless it is a very great one&mdash;of knowing
+Pigeon, still I am very intimate with his little wife.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Indeed, Sir. I never heard her name&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'I dare say not, Sir; I dare say not. Oh very intimate; we wore
+petticoats together. Baby companions, sir&mdash;baby companions&mdash;used to
+bite the same pear.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Really sir,'&mdash;and Pigeon shifted in his seat&mdash;'I was not aware of
+so early and delicate a connection between yourself and Mrs.
+Pigeon.'</p>
+
+<p>"'We were to have been married, yes, I may say, the wedding-ring
+was over the first joint of her finger.'</p>
+
+<p>"'And pray, sir,' asked Pigeon, with a face of crimson,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> 'pray,
+sir, what accident may have drawn the ring off again?'</p>
+
+<p>"'You see, sir,' said George Tomata, arranging his hair by an
+opposite mirror, 'my prospects lay in India&mdash;in India, sir. Now
+Lotty&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'Who, sir?' exclaimed Pigeon, wrathfully.</p>
+
+<p>"'Charlotte,' answered Tomata. 'I used to call her Lotty, and
+she&mdash;he! he!&mdash;she used to call me 'Love-apple.' You may judge how
+far we were both gone. For when a woman begins to play tricks with
+a man's name you may be sure she begins to look upon it as her
+future property.'</p>
+
+<p>"'You are always right, sir, no doubt,' observed Pigeon, 'but you
+were about to state the particular hindrance to your marriage
+with'&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'To be sure, Lotty&mdash;as I was going to observe, was a nice little
+sugar-plum, a very nice little sugar-plum&mdash;as you will doubtless
+allow.'</p>
+
+<p>"It was with much difficulty that Pigeon possessed himself of
+sufficient coolness to admit the familiar truth of the simile; he
+however admitted the wife of his bosom to be a nice little
+sugar-plum.</p>
+
+<p>"'Very nice indeed, but I saw it&mdash;I felt convinced of it, and the
+truth went like twenty daggers to my soul&mdash;but I discovered&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'Good heavens,' exclaimed Pigeon, 'discovered what?'</p>
+
+<p>"'That her complexion,' replied Tomata, 'beautiful as it was would
+not stand Trincomalee.'</p>
+
+<p>"'And was that your sole objection to the match?' inquired Pigeon
+solemnly.</p>
+
+<p>"'I give you my honour as a gentleman that I had no other motive
+for breaking off the marriage. Sir, I should have despised myself,
+if I had; for, as I observed, we were both gone&mdash;very far gone
+indeed.'</p>
+
+<p>"'No doubt, sir,' answered Pigeon, burning to avow himself. 'But as
+a friend of Mr. Pigeon, allow me to assure you that the lady was
+not found too far gone to admit of a perfect recovery.'</p>
+
+<p>"'I'm glad of it; hope it is so. By the way what sort of a fellow
+is Pigeon? Had I been in London&mdash;I only came up yesterday&mdash;I should
+have looked into the match before it took place. Lotty could expect
+no less of me. What kind of an animal is this Pigeon?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Kind of an animal, sir?' stammered Pigeon. 'Why, sir, he&mdash;&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'Ha! that will do,' said the abrupt Tomata, 'as you're his friend
+I'll not press you on that point. Poor Lotty&mdash;sacrificed I see!'"</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>After more amusing dialogue he throws his card on the table and says he
+shall call, adding,</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'If Pigeon makes my Lotty a good husband, I'll take him by the
+hand; if, however, I find him no gentleman&mdash;find that he shall use
+the girl of my heart with harshness, or even with the least
+unkindness&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'Well, sir!'&mdash;Pigeon thrusting his hands into his pockets
+swaggered to Tomata&mdash;'what will you do then, sir?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Then, sir. I shall again think the happiness of the lady placed
+in my hands and thrash him&mdash;thrash him severely.'"</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Thackeray&mdash;His Acerbity&mdash;The Baronet&mdash;The Parson&mdash;Medical
+Ladies&mdash;Glorvina&mdash;"A Serious Paradise."</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Thackeray resembled Lamb in the all-pervading character of his humour.
+He adorned with it almost everything he touched, but did not enter into
+it heart and soul, like a man of really joyous mirth-loving disposition.
+His pages teem with sly hits and insinuations, but he never developes a
+comic scene, and we can scarcely find a single really laughable episode
+in the whole course of his works. So little did he grasp or finish such
+pictures that we rarely select a passage from Thackeray for recitation.
+He thought more of plot and stratagem than of humour, and used the
+latter, not for its own sake, but mostly to give brilliance to his
+narrative, to make his figures prominent, and his remarks salient. He
+thus silvers unpalatable truths, and although he disowns being a
+moralist, we generally see some substratum of earnestness peeping
+through the eddies of his fancy. With him, humour is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> subservient. And
+he speaks from his inner self, when he exclaims, "Oh, brother wearers of
+motley! Are there not moments when one grows sick of grinning and
+tumbling, and the jingling of the cap and bells."</p>
+
+<p>We may say that much of Thackeray's humour is more inclined to produce a
+grin than a smile&mdash;merely to cause a grimace, owing to the bitterness
+from which it springs. It must be remembered, however, that the greater
+part of modern wit consists of sarcastic criticism, though it is not
+generally severe.</p>
+
+<p>In Thackeray we do not find any of that consciousness of the imbecility
+of man, which made some French writers call the humour of Democritus
+"melancholy." The "Vanity" of which he speaks is not that universal
+emptiness alluded to by the surfeited author of Ecclesiastes, nor has it
+even the ordinary signification of personal conceit. No; he implies
+something more culpable, such immorality as covetousness, deception,
+vindictiveness, and hypocrisy. He approaches the Roman Satirists in the
+relentless hand with which he exposes vice. Some of his characters are
+monstrous, and almost grotesque in selfishness, as that of Becky Sharp,
+to whom he does not allow one good quality. Cunning and unworthy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>
+motives add considerably to the zest of his humour. He says&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"This history has Vanity Fair for a title, and Vanity Fair is a
+very vain foolish place, full of all sorts of humbugs and falseness
+and pretentions. One is bound to speak the truth, as one knows it,
+whether one mounts a cap and bells, or a shovel hat; and a deal of
+disagreeable matter must come out in the course of such an
+undertaking."</p></div>
+
+<p>Here is his description of a baronet, Sir Pitt Crawley;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The door was opened by a man in dark breeches and gaiters with a
+dirty coat, a foul old neck cloth lashed round his bristly neck, a
+shining bald head, a leering red face, a pair of twinkling grey
+eyes, and a mouth perpetually on the grin.</p>
+
+<p>"'This Sir John Pitt Crawley's?' says John, from the box.</p>
+
+<p>"'Ees,' says the man at the door, with a nod.</p>
+
+<p>"'Hand down these ere trunks then,' said John.</p>
+
+<p>"'Hand 'n down yourself,' said the porter.</p>
+
+<p>"'Don't you see I can't leave my horses? Come bear a hand, my fine
+feller, and Miss will give you some beer,' said John, with a hoarse
+laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"The bald-headed man, taking his hands out of his breeches pockets,
+advanced on this summons, and throwing Miss Sharp's trunk over his
+shoulder, carried it into the house.</p>
+
+<p>"On entering the dining room by the orders of the individual in
+gaiters, Rebecca found that apartment not more cheerful than such
+rooms usually are when genteel families are out of town.... Two
+kitchen chairs and a round table and an attenuated old poker and
+tongs were however gathered round the fire place, as was a saucepan
+over a feeble sputtering fire. There was a bit of cheese and bread,
+and a tin candlestick on the table, and a little black porter in a
+pint pot.</p>
+
+<p>"'Had your dinner, I suppose? It is too warm for you? Like a drop
+of beer?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Where is Sir Pitt Crawley?' said Miss Sharp majestically.</p>
+
+<p>"'He, he! I'm Sir Pitt Crawley. Reclect you owe me a pint for
+bringing down your luggage. He, he! Ask Tinker if I ayn't. Mrs.
+Tinker, Miss Sharp, Miss Governess, Mrs. Charwoman, ho ho!'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"The lady addressed as Mrs. Tinker, at this moment made her
+appearance with a pipe and paper of tobacco, for which she had been
+dispatched a minute before Miss Sharp's arrival; and she handed the
+articles over to Sir Pitt, who had taken his seat by the fire.</p>
+
+<p>"'Where's the farden?' says he, 'I gave you three halfpence.
+Where's the change, old Tinker?'</p>
+
+<p>"'There,' replied Mrs. Tinker, flinging down the coin, 'it's only
+baronets as cares about farthings.'</p>
+
+<p>"'A farthing a day is seven shillings a year,' answered the M.P.,
+'seven shillings a year is the interest of seven guineas. Take care
+of your farthings, old Tinker, and your guineas will come quite
+nat'ral.' ...</p>
+
+<p>"And so with injunctions to Miss Sharp to be ready at five in the
+morning, he bade her good night, 'You'll sleep with Tinker
+to-night,' he said, 'it's a big bed, and there's room for two. Lady
+Crawley died in it. Good night.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>He sums up Sir Pitt's character by saying. "He never had a taste,
+emotion or enjoyment, but what was sordid and foul."</p>
+
+<p>Sir Pitt's brother, the Rector of the parish, is represented as being
+almost as abominable as himself, though in a different way&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Reverend Bute Crawley was a tall, stately, shovel-hatted man,
+far more popular in the county than the Baronet. At College he
+pulled stroke oar in the Christchurch boat, and had thrashed all
+the best bruisers of the 'town.' He carried his taste for boxing
+and athletic exercises into private life, there was not a fight
+within twenty miles at which he was not present, nor a race, nor a
+coursing match, nor a regatta, nor a ball, nor an election, nor a
+visitation dinner, nor indeed a good dinner in the whole county,
+but he found means to attend it. He had a fine voice, sung 'A
+Southerly Wind and a Cloudy Sky,' and gave the 'whoop' in chorus
+with general applause. He rode to hounds in a pepper and salt
+frock, and was one of the best fishermen in the county."</p></div>
+
+<p>The following is a sample of the conversation he holds with his wife,
+who, we are told "wrote this worthy Divine's sermons"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>"'Pitt can't be such an infernal villain as to sell the reversion
+of the living, and that Methodist milksop of an eldest son looks to
+Parliament,' continued Mr. Crawley, after a pause.</p>
+
+<p>"'Sir Pitt will do anything,' said the Rector's wife, 'we must get
+Miss Crawley to make him promise it, James.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Pitt will promise anything,' replied the brother, 'he promised
+he'd pay my college bills, when my father died; he promised he'd
+build the new wing to the Rectory. And it is to this man's
+son&mdash;this scoundrel, gambler, swindler, murderer, of a Rawdon
+Crawley, that Matilda leaves the bulk of her money. I say it's
+unchristian. By Jove it is. The infamous dog has got every vice
+except hypocrisy, and that belongs to his brother."</p>
+
+<p>"'Hush, my dearest love! we're in Sir Pitt's grounds,' interposed
+his wife.</p>
+
+<p>"'I say he has got every vice, Mrs. Crawley. Don't bully me. Didn't
+he shoot Captain Marker? Didn't he rob young Lord Dovedale at the
+Cocoa Tree? Didn't he cross the fight between Bill Soames and the
+Cheshire Trump by which I lost forty pound? You know he did; and as
+for women, why you heard that before me, in my own magistrates
+room&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'For heaven's sake, Mr. Crawley,' said the lady, 'spare me the
+details.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>It was in a great measure to this severe sarcasm that Thackeray owed his
+popularity. He justly observes:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"My rascals are no milk-and-water rascals, I promise you ... such
+people there are living in the world, faithless, hopeless,
+charityless; let us have at them, dear friends, with might and
+main. Some there are, and very successful too, mere quacks and
+fools; and it was to combat and expose such as those no doubt, that
+laughter was made."</p></div>
+
+<p>But he does not always seem to attribute merriment to this humble and
+unpleasant origin; he produces some passages really meant for enjoyment,
+and doing justice to his gift, attacks frivolities and failings, which
+are not of an important kind. Thus, he speaks in a jocund strain of the
+vanity of "fashionable<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> fiddle-daddle and feeble court slip-slop," and
+exclaims, "Ah, ladies! Ask the Reverend Mr. Thurifer if Belgravia is not
+a sounding brass, and Tyburnia a tinkling cymbal!"</p>
+
+<p>He tells us that "The affection of young ladies is of as rapid a growth
+as Jack's beanstalk, and reaches up to the sky in a night," and in the
+following passage he exhibits the conduct of an amiable and estimable
+girl, when under this fascinating spell&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Were Miss Sedley's letters to Mr. Osborn to be published, we
+should have to extend this novel to such a multiplicity of volumes,
+as not the most sentimental reader could support; she not only
+filled large sheets of paper, but crossed them with the most
+astonishing perverseness, she wrote whole pages out of poetry books
+without the least pity, the underlined words and passages with
+quite a frantic emphasis; and in fine gave the usual tokens of her
+condition. Her letters were full of repetition, she wrote rather
+doubtful grammar sometimes, and in her verses took all sorts of
+liberties with the metre."</p></div>
+
+<p>Speaking of a very religious and medical lady&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Pitt had been made to accept Saunders McNitre, Luke Waters, Giles
+Jowles, Podger's Pills, Rodger's Pills, Pokey's Elixir&mdash;every one
+of her ladyship's remedies, spiritual and temporal. He never left
+her house without carrying respectfully away with him piles of her
+quack theology and medicine. O, my dear brethren and
+fellow-sojourners in Vanity Fair, which among you does not know and
+suffer under such benevolent despots? It is in vain you say to
+them, 'Dear madam, I took Podger's specific at your orders last
+year, and believe in it. Why am I to recant, and accept the
+Rodger's articles now?' There is no help for it; the faithful
+proselytizer, if she cannot convince by argument, bursts into
+tears, and the recusant finds himself taking down the bolus, and
+saying 'Well, well, Rodger's be it.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>A still more alarming attack is thus represented:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Glorvina had flirted with all the marriageable officers, whom the
+dep&ocirc;ts of her country afforded, and all the bachelor squires who
+seemed eligible. She had been engaged to be married a half-score of
+times in Ireland, besides the clergyman at Bath, who had used her
+so ill. She had flirted all the way to Madras with the captain and
+chief-mate of the Ramchunder East Indiaman, and had a season at the
+Presidency. Everybody admired her; everybody danced with her; but
+no one proposed that was worth marrying.... Undismayed by forty or
+fifty previous defeats, Glorvina laid siege to Major Dobbin. She
+sang Irish melodies at him unceasingly. She asked him so frequently
+and so pathetically 'Will you come to the bower,' that it is a
+wonder how any man of feeling could have resisted the invitation.
+She was never tired of inquiring if 'Sorrow had his young days
+faded,' and was ready to listen and weep like Desdemona at the
+stories of his dangers and campaigns. She was constantly writing
+notes over to him at his house, borrowing his books, and scoring
+with her great pencil marks such passages of sentiment or humour,
+as awakened her sympathy. No wonder that public rumour assigned her
+to him."</p></div>
+
+<p>In the following, Thackeray is more severe&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"His wife never cared about being called Lady Newcome. To manage
+the great house of Hobson brothers and Newcome, to attend to the
+interests of the enslaved negro: to awaken the benighted Hottentot
+to a sense of the truth; to convert Jews, Turks, Infidels, and
+Papists; to arouse the indifferent and often blasphemous mariner;
+to guide the washerwoman in the right way; to head all the public
+charities of her sect, and do a thousand secret kindnesses that
+none knew of; to answer myriads of letters, pension, endless
+ministers, and supply their teeming wives with continuous
+baby-linen, to hear preachers daily bawling for hours, and listen
+untired on her knees, after a long day's labour, while florid
+rhapsodists belaboured cushions above her with wearisome
+benedictions; all these things had this woman to do, and for nearly
+fourscore years she fought her fight womanfully."</p></div>
+
+<p>This pious lady's residence was a "serious Paradise;"</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"As you entered at the gate gravity fell on you; and decorum
+wrapped you in a garment of starch. The butcher boy who galloped
+his horse and cart madly about the adjoining lanes and commons,
+whistled wild melodies (caught up in abominable play-house
+galleries) and joked with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span> hundred cook-maids,&mdash;on passing that
+lodge fell into an undertaker's pace, and delivered his joints and
+sweetbreads silently at the servant's entrance. The rooks in the
+elms cawed sermons at morning and evening: the peacocks walked
+demurely on the terraces; and the guinea-fowls looked more
+quaker-like than those savoury birds usually do. The lodge-keeper
+was serious, and a clerk at a neighbouring chapel. The pastors who
+entered at that gate, and greeted his comely wife and children, fed
+the little lambkins with tracts. The head-gardener was a Scotch
+Calvinist, after the strictest order, only occupying himself with
+the melons and pines provisionally, and until the end of the world,
+which event, he could prove by infallible calculations was to come
+off in two or three years at farthest."</p></div>
+
+<p>In one place, a collision is represented between the old and young
+schools of criticism:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The Colonel heard opinions that amazed and bewildered him; he
+heard that Byron was no great poet, though a very clever man; he
+heard that there had been a wicked persecution against Mr. Pope's
+memory and fame, and that it was time to reinstate him; that his
+favourite, Dr. Johnson, talked admirably, but did not write
+English; that young Keats was a genius to be estimated in future
+days with young Raphael; and that a young gentleman of Cambridge,
+who had lately published two volumes of verses, might take rank
+with the greatest poets of all. Dr. Johnson not write English! Lord
+Byron not one of the greatest poets of the world! Sir Walter a poet
+of the second order! Mr. Pope attacked for inferiority and want of
+imagination; Mr. Keats, and this young Mr. Tennyson of Cambridge,
+the chiefs of modern poetic literature? What were these new dicta
+which Mr. Warrington delivered with a puff of tobacco smoke, to
+which Mr. Honeyman blandly assented, and Clive listened with
+pleasure?... With Newcome, the admiration for the literature of the
+last century was an article of belief, and the incredulity of the
+young men seemed rank blasphemy. 'You will be sneering at
+Shakespeare next,' he said, and was silenced, though not better
+pleased, when his youthful guests told him that Dr. Goldsmith
+sneered at him too; that Dr. Johnson did not understand him, and
+that Congreve in his own day, and afterwards, was considered to be,
+in some points, Shakespeare's superior."</p></div>
+
+<p>In the next he relapses into his stronger sarcasm<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There are no better satires than letters. Take a bundle of your
+dear friends' letters of ten years back&mdash;your dear friend, whom you
+hate now. Look at a file of your sister's! how you clung to each
+other until you quarrelled about the twenty pound legacy.... Vows,
+love promises, confidence, gratitude! how queerly they read after a
+while.... The best ink for Vanity Fair use would be one that faded
+utterly in a couple of days, and left the paper clean and blank, so
+that you might write on it to somebody else."</p></div>
+
+<p>Again:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Many persons who let lodgings in Brighton have been servants
+themselves, are retired housekeepers, tradesfolk, and the like.
+With these surrounding individuals Hannah, treated on a footing of
+equality, bringing to her mistress accounts of their various goings
+on; 'how No. 6 was let; how No. 9 had not paid his rent again; how
+the first floor at 27 had game almost every day, and made-dishes
+from Mutton's; how the family who had taken Mrs. Bugsby's had left,
+as usual, after the very first night, the poor little infant
+blistered all over with bites on its dear little face; how the Miss
+Leary's were going on shameful with the two young men, actually in
+their sitting-room, mum, where one of them offered Miss Laura Leary
+a cigar; how Mrs. Cribb <i>still</i> went cuttin' pounds and pounds of
+meat off the lodgers' jints, emptying their tea-caddies, actually
+reading their letters. Sally had been told so by Polly, the Cribb's
+maid, who was kep', how that poor child was kep,' hearing language
+perfectly hawful!'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Thus in all Thackeray's descriptions there is more or less satire. He
+was always making pincushions, into which he was plunging his little
+points of sarcasm, and owing to his confining himself to this kind of
+humour he avoids the common danger of missing his mark. He is
+occasionally liberal of oaths and imprecations, and when any one of his
+characters is offended, he generally relieves his feelings by uttering
+"horrid curses." Barnes Newcome sends up "a perfect <i>feu d'artifice</i> of
+oaths." But he is entirely free from indelicacy, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> merely elegantly
+shadows forth the Eton form of punishment, as that "which none but a
+cherub can escape." In this respect he seems to have set before him the
+example of Mr. Honeyman, of whom he says he had "a thousand anecdotes,
+laughable riddles and droll stories (of the utmost correctness, you
+understand.)"</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps one of his least successful attempts at humour is a collection
+of fables at the commencement of the Newcomes in which we have
+conversations between a fox, an owl, a wolf in sheep's clothing, and a
+donkey in a lion's skin, and such incongruities as would have shocked
+Aristophanes. His Christmas books depend mostly on the broad caricatures
+with which they are embellished, and upon a large supply of rough
+joking.</p>
+
+<p>Thackeray wrote a work named the "English Humorists," but he omits in it
+all mention of the humour by which his authors were immortalized.
+Certainly the ordinary habits and little foibles of great men are more
+entertaining to the general public than inquiries into the nature of
+their talent, which would only interest those fond of study and
+investigation.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Dickens&mdash;Sympathy with the Poor&mdash;Vulgarity&mdash;Geniality&mdash;Mrs.
+Gamp&mdash;Mixture of Pathos and Humour&mdash;Lever and Dickens
+compared&mdash;Dickens' power of Description&mdash;General Remarks.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>We shall be paying Hood no undue compliment if we couple his name with
+that of Dickens as betokening the approach of milder and gentler
+sentiments. They were themselves the chief pioneers of the better way.
+Hitherto the poor and uneducated had been regarded with a certain amount
+of contempt; their language and stupidity had formed fertile subjects
+for the coarse ridicule of the humorist. But now a change was in
+progress; broader views were gaining ground, and a time was coming when
+men, notwithstanding the accidents of birth and fortune, should feel
+mutual sympathy, and</p>
+
+<p class='center'>
+"brothers be for a' that."
+</p>
+
+<p>With Dickens the poor man was not a mere clown or blockhead; but beneath
+his "hodden gray" often carried good feeling, intelligence,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> and wit. He
+was rather humorous than ludicrous, and had some dignity of character.
+Since his time, consideration for the poor has greatly increased; we see
+it in the large charitable gifts, which are always increasing&mdash;in the
+interest taken in schools and hospitals. Probably the respectable and
+quiet character of the labouring classes has contributed to raise them
+in the estimation of the richer part of the community.</p>
+
+<p>A large portion of English humour is now employed upon so-called
+vulgarity. The modification of feeling with regard to the humbler
+classes has caused changes in the signification of this word. Originally
+derived from "vulgus," the crowd, it meant that roughness of language
+and manner which is found among the less educated. It did not properly
+imply anything culpable, but had a bad sense given it by those who
+considered "gentlemanly" to imply some moral superiority. The worship of
+wealth so caused the signification of this latter word to exceed its
+original reference to high birth, that we now hear people say that there
+are real gentlemen among the poorer classes; and, conversely, we at
+times speak of the vulgarity of the rich, as of their pride,
+impertinence, or affectation&mdash;just as Fielding used the word "mob" to
+signify contemptible people of any class. It is evident<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> that some moral
+superiority or deficiency is thus implied. There may be, on the whole,
+some foundation for such distinctions, but they are not so much
+recognised as they were, scarcely at all in the cases of individuals,
+and the provincial accents and false grammar of the poor are more
+amusing than formerly, because we take a kindlier interest in that
+class.</p>
+
+<p>M. Taine does not seem to have exercised his usual penetration when he
+says that English humour "far from agreeable, and bitter in taste, like
+their own beverages, abounds in Dickens. French sprightliness, joy, and
+gaiety is a kind of good wine only grown in the lands of the sun. In its
+insular state it leaves an aftertaste of vinegar. The man who jests here
+is seldom kindly and never happy; he feels and censures the inequalities
+of life." On the contrary, we are inclined to think that French humour
+is fully as severe as English&mdash;they have such sayings as that "a man
+without money is a body without blood," and their great wits were not
+generally free from bitterness.</p>
+
+<p>There is little that is personal or offensive in Dickens. It is said
+that he was threatened with a prosecution for producing the character of
+Squeers, but in general his puppets are too artificial to excite any
+personal resentment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span> There are evidently set up merely to be knocked
+down. Few would identify themselves with Heap or Scrooge, and although
+the moral taught is appreciated by all, no class is hit, but only men
+who seem to be preeminent in churlishness or villainy. Dickens is
+remarkable for his gentleness whenever his humour touches the poor, and
+while he makes amusement out of their simplicity and ignorance, he
+throws in some sterling qualities. They often form the principal
+characters in his books, and there is nearly always in them something
+good-natured and sympathetic. Sam Weller is a pleasant fellow, so is
+Boots at the Holly Tree Inn. Mrs. Jarley, who travels about to fairs
+with wax-works, is a kindly and hospitable old party. She asks Nell and
+her grandfather to take some refreshment&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The grandfather humbly pulled off his hat and thanked her. The
+lady of the caravan then bade him come up the stairs, but the drum
+proving an inconvenient table for two, they descended again and sat
+upon the grass, where she handed down to them the tea-tray, the
+bread and butter, the knuckle of ham, and in short everything of
+which she had partaken herself, except the bottle which she had
+already embraced an opportunity of slipping into her pocket.</p>
+
+<p>"'Set 'em out near the hind wheels, child, that's the best place,'
+said their friend superintending the arrangements from above. 'Now
+hand up the tea-pot for a little more hot water, and a pinch of
+fresh tea, and then both of you eat and drink as much as you can,
+and don't spare anything; that's all I ask you.'</p>
+
+<p>"While they were thus engaged the lady of the caravan alighted on
+the earth, and with her hands clasped behind her, and her large
+bonnet trembling excessively, walked<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span> up and down in a measured
+tread and very stately manner surveying the caravan from time to
+time with an air of calm delight and deriving particular
+gratification from the red panels and brass knocker. When she had
+taken this gentle exercise for some time, she sat down upon the
+steps and called 'George,' whereupon a man in a carter's frock, who
+had been so shrouded in a hedge up to this time as to see
+everything that passed without being seen himself, parted the twigs
+that concealed him and appeared in a sitting attitude supporting on
+his legs a baking dish, and a half gallon stone bottle, and bearing
+in his right hand a knife, and in his left a fork.</p>
+
+<p>"'Yes, missus,' said George.</p>
+
+<p>"'How did you find the cold pie, George?'</p>
+
+<p>"'It worn't amiss, mum.'</p>
+
+<p>"'And the beer?' said the lady of the caravan with an appearance of
+being more interested in this question than the last, 'is it
+passable, George?'</p>
+
+<p>"'It's more flatterer than it might be,' George returned, 'but it
+a'nt so bad for all that.'</p>
+
+<p>"To set the mind of his mistress at rest, he took a sip (amounting
+in quantity to a pint or thereabouts) from the stone bottle, and
+then smacked his lips, winked his eye, and nodded his head. No
+doubt with the same amiable desire he immediately resumed his knife
+and fork as a practical assurance that the beer had wrought no bad
+effect upon his appetite.</p>
+
+<p>"The lady of the caravan looked on approvingly for some time and
+then said,</p>
+
+<p>"'Have you nearly finished?'</p>
+
+<p>"Wery nigh, mum,' and indeed after scraping the dish all round with
+his knife and carrying the choice brown morsels to his mouth, and
+after taking such a scientific pull at the stone bottle that, by
+degrees almost imperceptible to the sight, his head went farther
+and farther back until he lay nearly at his full length upon the
+ground, this gentleman declared himself quite disengaged, and came
+forth from his retreat.</p>
+
+<p>"'I hope I haven't hurried you, George,' said his mistress, who
+appeared to have a great sympathy with his late pursuit.</p>
+
+<p>"'If you have,' returned the fellow, wisely reserving himself for
+any favourable contingency, 'we must make it up next time, that's
+all.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Mrs. Gamp has a touch of sympathy in her exuberance. Contemplating going
+down to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> the country with the Dickens' company of actors, she tells us&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Which Mrs. Harris's own words to me was these, 'Sairey Gamp,' she
+says, 'why not go to Margate? Srimps,' says that dear creetur, 'is
+to your liking. Sairey, why not go to Margate for a week, bring
+your constitution up with srimps, and come back to them loving arts
+as knows and wallies you, blooming? Sairey,' Mrs. Harris says,
+'you are but poorly. Don't denige it, Mrs. Gamp, for books is in
+your looks. You must have rest. Your mind,' she says, 'is too
+strong for you; it gets you down and treads upon you, Sairey. It is
+useless to disguige the fact&mdash;the blade is a wearing out the
+sheets.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'I could not undertake to
+say, and I will not deceive you ma'am, that I am not the woman I
+could wish to be. The time of worrit as I had with Mrs. Colliber,
+the baker's lady, which was so bad in her mind with her first, that
+she would not so much as look at bottled stout, and kept to gruel
+through the month, has agued me, Mrs. Harris. But, ma'am,' I says
+to her, 'talk not of Margate, for if I do go anywhere it is
+elsewheres, and not there.' 'Sairey,' says Mrs. Harris solemn,
+'whence this mystery? If I have ever deceived the hardest-working,
+soberest, and best of women, mention it.' ... 'Mrs. Harris, then,'
+I says, 'I have heard as there is an expedition going down to
+Manjester and Liverpool a playacting, If I goes anywhere for change
+it is along with that.' Mrs. Harris clasps her hands, and drops
+into a chair, 'And have I lived to hear,' she says, 'of Sairey
+Gamp, as always kept herself respectable, in company with
+play-actors.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'be not alarmed, not
+reg'lar play-actors&mdash;hammertoors.' 'Thank Evans!' says Mrs. Harris,
+and bustizes into a flood of tears,"</p></div>
+
+<p>Dickens saw with Hood the power to be obtained by uniting pathos with
+humour. Such an intermixture at first appears inharmonious, but in
+reality produces sweet music. There is something corresponding to the
+course of external nature with its light and shade its sunshine and
+showers, in this melancholy chased away by mirth, and joy merging into<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>
+sadness. Here, Dickens has held up the mirror, and shown a bright
+reflection of the outer world. Out of many choice specimens, we may
+select the following from the speech of the Cheap Jack&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'Now, you country boobies,' says I, feeling as if my heart was a
+heavy weight at the end of a broken sash-line, 'I give you notice
+that I am going to charm the money out of your pockets, and to give
+you so much more than your money's worth that you'll only persuade
+yourselves to draw your Saturday-night's wages ever again
+afterwards, by the hopes of meeting me to lay 'em out with, which
+you never will; and why not? Because I've made my fortune by
+selling my goods on a large scale for seventy-five per cent less
+than I give for them, and I am consequently to be elevated to the
+House of Peers next week by the title of the Duke of Cheap, and
+Markis Jack-a-looral."</p></div>
+
+<p>He puts up a lot and after recommending it with all his eloquence
+pretends to knock it down&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"As there had been no bid at all, everybody looked about and
+grinned at everybody, while I touched little Sophy's face (he was
+holding her in his arms) and asked her if she felt faint or giddy.
+'Not very, father; it will soon be over.' Then turning from the
+pretty patient eyes, which were opened now, and seeing nothing but
+grins across my lighted greasepot. I went on again in my cheap Jack
+style. 'Where's the butcher?' (my mournful eye had just caught
+sight of a fat young butcher on the outside of the crowd) 'She says
+the good luck is the butcher's, where is he?' Everybody handed over
+the blushing butcher to the front, and there was a roar, and the
+butcher felt himself obliged to put his hand in his pocket and take
+the lot. The party so picked out in general does feel obliged to
+take the lot&mdash;good four times out of six. Then we had another lot
+the counterpart of that one and sold it sixpence cheaper, which is
+always very much enjoyed. Then we had the spectacles. It ain't a
+special profitable lot, but I put 'em on, and I see what the
+Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to take off the taxes, and I
+see what the sweetheart of the young woman in the shawl is doing at
+home, and I see what the Bishops has got for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> dinner, and a deal
+more that seldom fails to fetch up their spirits, and the better
+their spirits the better they bids. Then we had the ladies'
+lot&mdash;the tea-pots, tea-caddy, glass sugar-basin, half-a-dozen
+spoons, and caudle cup&mdash;and all the time I was making similar
+excuses to give a look or two, and say a word or two to my poor
+child. It was while the second ladies' lot was holding 'em
+enchained that I felt her lift herself a little on my shoulder to
+look across the dark street. 'What troubles you darling?' 'Nothing
+troubles me, father, I am not at all troubled. But don't I see a
+pretty churchyard over there?' 'Yes, my dear.' 'Kiss me twice, dear
+father, and lay me down to rest upon that churchyard grass, so soft
+and green.' I staggered back into the cart with her head dropped on
+my shoulder, and I says to her mother, 'Quick, shut the door! Don't
+let those laughing people see.' 'What's the matter?' she cries, 'O
+woman, woman,' I tells her, 'you'll never catch my little Sophy by
+her hair again, for she has flown away from you.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Dickens' strongest characters, and those he loved most to paint, are
+such as contain foibles and eccentricities, or much dulness and
+ignorance in conjunction with the best feelings and intentions, so that
+his teaching seems rather to be that we should look beyond mere external
+trifles. Those he attacks are mostly middle-class people, or those
+slightly below them&mdash;the dogs in office, and the dogs in the manger. The
+artifice and cunning of the waiter of the Hotel at Yarmouth, where
+little Copperfield awaits the coach, is excellently represented.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The waiter brought me some chops and vegetables, and took the
+covers off in such a bouncing manner, that I was afraid I must have
+given him some offence. But he greatly relieved my mind by putting
+a chair for me at the table, and saying very affably 'Now sixfoot
+come on!'</p>
+
+<p>"I thanked him and took my seat at the board; but found it
+extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like
+dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy, while he
+was standing opposite, staring so<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> hard, and making me blush in the
+most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye. After watching me
+into the second chop, he said:</p>
+
+<p>"There's half a pint of ale for you, will you have it now?'</p>
+
+<p>"I thanked him and said 'Yes'&mdash;upon which he poured it out of a jug
+into a large tumbler, and held it up against the light and made it
+look beautiful.</p>
+
+<p>"'My eye!' he said 'It seems a good deal, don't it.'</p>
+
+<p>"'It does seem a good deal,' I answered with a smile, for it was
+quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant. He was a
+twinkling-eyed, purple-faced man, with his hair standing upright
+all over his head; and as he stood with one arm akimbo, holding up
+the glass to the light, with one hand he looked quite friendly.</p>
+
+<p>"'There was a gentleman here yesterday,' he said, 'a stout
+gentleman by the name of Topsawyer, perhaps you know him?'</p>
+
+<p>"'No,' I said, I don't think&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey coat, speckled
+choker,' said the waiter.</p>
+
+<p>"'No,' I said bashfully, 'I hav'n't the pleasure&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'He came here,' said the waiter, looking at the light through the
+tumbler, 'ordered a glass of this ale, <i>would</i> order it, I told him
+not&mdash;drank it, and fell dead. It was too old for him. It oughtn't
+to be drawn, that's the fact.'</p>
+
+<p>"I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident, and
+said I thought I had better have some water. 'Why, you see,' said
+the waiter, looking at the light through the tumbler with one of
+his eyes shut, 'our people don't like things being ordered and
+left. It offends them. But I'll drink it, if you like. I'm used to
+it, and use is everything. I don't think it will hurt me if I throw
+my head back and take it off quick; shall I?'</p>
+
+<p>"I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it, if he
+thought he could do it safely, but by no means otherwise. When he
+did throw his head back and take it off quick, I had a horrible
+fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented
+Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it did not hurt
+him. On the contrary. I thought he seemed the fresher for it. 'What
+have we got here?' he said, putting a fork into my dish. 'Not
+chops?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Chops.' I said.</p>
+
+<p>"'Lord bless my soul,' he exclaimed, 'I didn't know they were
+chops. Why, a chop's the very thing to take off the bad effect of
+that beer. Ain't it lucky?'</p>
+
+<p>"So he took a chop by the bone in one hand and a potato in the
+other, and ate away with a very good appetite to my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> extreme
+satisfaction. He afterwards took another chop and another potato,
+and after that another chop and another potato. When we had done he
+brought me a pudding, and having set it before me seemed to
+ruminate, and to be absent in his mind for some moments.</p>
+
+<p>"'How's the pie?' he said, rousing himself.</p>
+
+<p>"'It's a pudding,' I made answer.</p>
+
+<p>"'Pudding,' he exclaimed, 'why, bless me, so it is. What?' looking
+nearer at it, 'you don't mean to say it's a batter pudding!'</p>
+
+<p>"'Yes, it is indeed.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Why, a batter pudding,' he said, taking up a tablespoon, 'is my
+favourite pudding! Aint it lucky? Come on, pitch in, and let's see
+who'll get most.'</p>
+
+<p>"The waiter certainly got most. He entreated me more than once to
+come in and win, but what with his tablespoon to my teaspoon, his
+dispatch to my dispatch, and his appetite to my appetite I was left
+far behind at the first mouthful, and had no chance with him."</p></div>
+
+<p>We are all sufficiently familiar with the vast amount and variety of
+humour with which Dickens enriched his writings. It is not aphoristic,
+but flows along in a light sparkling stream. This is what we should
+expect from a man who wrote so much and so rapidly. His thoughts did not
+concentrate and crystallize into a few sharply cut expressions, and he
+has left us scarcely any sayings which will live as "household words."
+Moreover, in his bold style of writing he sought to produce effects by
+broad strokes and dashes&mdash;not afraid of an excess of caricature, from
+which he left his readers to deduct the discount. Taine says he was "too
+mad." But he was daring, and cared little for the risk of being
+ludicrous, providing he escaped the certainty of being dull. He was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span> not
+afraid of improbabilities, any more than his contemporary Lever was, and
+owing to this they both now seem somewhat old-fashioned. Lever here
+exceeded Dickens, and his course was different; his plan was to sow a
+few seeds of extravagant falsehood, whence he would raise a wonderful
+efflorescence of ludicrous circumstances. For instance, he makes a
+General Count de Vanderdelft pay a visit to the Dodd family, and bring
+them an invitation from the King of Belgium. Great preparations are of
+course made by the ladies for so grand an occasion. The day arrives, and
+they have to travel in their full dress in second and third class
+carriages. They arrive a little late, but make their way to the Royal
+Pavilion. Here, while in great suspense, they meet the General, who says
+he was afraid he should have missed them.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'We've not a minute to lose,' cried he, drawing Mary Ann's arm
+within his own. 'If Leopold sits down to table, I can't present
+you.'</p>
+
+<p>"The General made his way through the crowd until he reached a
+barrier, where two men were standing taking tickets. He demanded
+admission, and on being refused, exclaimed, 'These scullions don't
+know me&mdash;this canaille never heard my name.' With these words the
+General kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary
+Ann, flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, 'Take
+them in flank&mdash;sabre them&mdash;every man&mdash;no prisoners&mdash;no quarter.' At
+this juncture two big men in grey coats burst through the crowd and
+laid hands on the General, who, it seems, had escaped a week before
+from a mad-house in Ghent."</p></div>
+
+<p>The basis of all this is far too improbable,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span> but there was a temptation
+to construct a very good story upon it.</p>
+
+<p>But Dickens builds upon much firmer ground, and is only fantastic in the
+superstructure. This is certainly an improvement, and we admire his
+genius most when he controls its flight, and when his caricatures are
+less grotesque. I take the following from "Nicholas Niekleby," Chapter
+II.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Although a few members of the graver professions live about Golden
+Square, it is not exactly in anybody's way to or from anywhere....
+It is a great resort of foreigners. The dark complexioned men, who
+wear large rings, and heavy watchguards, and bushy whiskers, and
+who congregate under the opera colonnade, and about the box-office
+in the season, between four and five in the afternoon, when they
+give orders&mdash;all live in Golden Square, or within a street of it.
+Two or three violins and a wind instrument from the opera band
+reside within its precincts. Its boarding-houses are musical, and
+the notes of pianos and harps float in the evening-time round the
+head of the mournful statue, the guardian genius of a little
+wilderness of shrubs, in the centre of the Square.... Street bands
+are on their mettle in Golden Square; and itinerant glee-singers
+quaver involuntarily as they raise their voices within its
+boundaries....</p>
+
+<p>"Some London houses have a melancholy little plot of ground behind
+them, usually fenced in by four white-washed walls, and frowned
+upon by stacks of chimneys, in which there withers on from year to
+year a crippled tree, that makes a show of putting forth a few
+leaves late in Autumn, when other trees shed theirs, and drooping
+in the effort, lingers on all crackled and smoke-dried till the
+following season, when it repeats the same process; and perhaps, if
+the weather be particularly genial, even tempts some rheumatic
+sparrow to chirp in its branches."</p></div>
+
+<p>In the next chapter there is a description of the house of a humble
+votary of the arts.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>"A miniature painter lived there, for there was a large gilt frame
+screwed upon the street-door, in which were displayed, upon a black
+velvet ground, two portraits of naval dress, coats with faces
+looking out of them, and telescopes attached; one of a young
+gentleman in a very vermilion uniform flourishing a sabre; and one
+of a literary character with a high forehead, a pen and ink, six
+books, and a curtain. There was, moreover, a touching
+representation of a young lady reading a manuscript in an
+unfathomable forest, and a charming whole length of a large-headed
+little boy, sitting on a stool with his legs foreshortened to the
+size of salt-spoons. Besides these works of art, there were a great
+many heads of old ladies and gentlemen smirking at each other out
+of blue and brown skies, and an elegantly written card of terms
+with an embossed border."</p></div>
+
+<p>When Mr. Crummles, the stage-manager, urges his old pony along the road,
+the following conversation takes place:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"'He's a good pony at bottom,' said Mr. Crummles, turning to
+Nicholas. He might have been at bottom, but he certainly was not at
+top, seeing that his coat was of the roughest, and most
+ill-favoured kind. So Nicholas merely observed that he shouldn't
+wonder if he was. 'Many and many is the circuit this pony has
+gone,' said Mr. Crummles, flicking him skilfully on the eyelid, for
+old acquaintance sake. 'He is quite one of us. His mother was on
+the stage.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Was she?' rejoined Nicholas.</p>
+
+<p>"'She ate apple-pie at circus for upwards of fourteen years,' said
+the Manager, 'fired pistols, and went to bed in a night-cap; and in
+short, took the low comedy entirely. His father was an actor.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Was he at all distinguished?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Not very,' said the Manager. 'He was rather a low sort of pony.
+The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out by the day, and he
+never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama,
+too, but too broad, too broad. When the mother died he took the
+port wine business.'</p>
+
+<p>"'The port wine business?' cried Nicholas.</p>
+
+<p>"'Drinking port wine with the clown,' said the Manager; 'but he was
+greedy and one night bit off the bowl of the glass and choked
+himself, so his vulgarity was the death of him at last.'"</p></div>
+
+<p>It is greatly to the credit of Dickens that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span> although he wrote so much
+and salted so freely, he never approached any kind of impropriety. The
+only weak point in his humour is that he borrows too much from his
+imagination, and too little from reality.</p>
+
+<p>I trust that those who have accompanied me through the chapters of this
+work, will have been able to trace a gradual amelioration in humour. We
+have seen it from age to age running parallel with the history, and
+varying with the mental development of the times, rising and falling in
+fables, demonology, word-coining and coarseness, and I hope we may add
+in practical joking and coxcombry.</p>
+
+<p>The remaining chapters will draw conclusions from our general survey.
+There can be little doubt that humour cannot be studied in any country
+better than in our own. The commercial character of England, and its
+connection with many nations whose feelings are intermingled in our
+minds as their blood is in our veins, are favourable for the development
+of fancy and of the finest kinds of wit, while the moderate Government
+under which we live, tends in the same direction. Humour may have
+germinated in the darkness of despotism, among the discontented subjects
+of Dionysius or under "the tyranny tempered by epigrams," of Louis XIV.,
+but it failed, under<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span> such conditions to obtain a full expression, and
+although it has revelled and run riot under republican governments, it
+has always tended in them to coarse and personal vituperation. The
+fairest blossoms of pleasantry thrive best where the sun is not strong
+enough to scorch, nor the soil rank enough to corrupt.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Variation&mdash;Constancy&mdash;Influence of Temperament&mdash;Of
+Observation&mdash;Bulls&mdash;Want of Knowledge&mdash;Effects of Emotion&mdash;Unity of
+the Sense of the Ludicrous.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>As every face in the world is different, so no two minds are exactly
+similar, although there is great uniformity in the perceptions of the
+senses and still more in our primary innate ideas. The variety lies in
+the one case, in the finer lines and expressions of the countenance, and
+in the other in those delicate shades and combinations of feeling which
+are influenced more or less by memory, reflection, imagination, by
+experience, education and temperament, by taste, morality, and religion.</p>
+
+<p>It was no doubt the view of this great diversity of thought that led
+Quintilian to say that "the topics from which jests may be elicited are
+not less numerous than those from which thoughts may be derived!"
+Herbert writes to the same purpose<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"All things are full of jest; nothing that's plain</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But may be witty, if thou hast the vein."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>But we are not in the vein except sometimes, and under peculiar
+circumstances, so that, practically, few sayings are humorous.</p>
+
+<p>It is more difficult to assert that there are any jests which would be
+appreciated by all. The statement that "some phases of life must stir
+humour in any man of sanity," is probably too wide. There is little of
+this universality in the ludicrous, but we shall have some reason for
+thinking that there is a certain constancy in the mental feeling which
+awakens it. It is also fixed with regard to each individual. If we had
+sufficient knowledge, we could predict exactly whether a man would be
+amused at a certain story, and we sometimes say "Tell that to Mr. &mdash;&mdash;
+it will amuse him." But if his nature were not so disposed, no exertions
+on his part or ours could make him enjoy it. The ludicrous is dependent
+upon feelings or circumstances, but not upon the will. It is peculiarly
+involuntary as those know who have tried to smother a laugh. The utmost
+advance we can make towards making ourselves mirthful is by changing our
+circumstances. It is said that if a man were to look at people dancing
+with his ears stopped, the figures moving without accompaniment would
+seem ludicrous to him, but his merriment would not be great because he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span>
+would know the strangeness he observed was not real but caused by his
+own intentional act. We may say that for a thing to appear ludicrous to
+a man which does not seem so at present, he must change the character of
+his mind.</p>
+
+<p>There is another kind of constancy which should here be noticed. Some
+humorous sayings survive for long periods, and occasionally are adopted
+in foreign countries. In some cases they have immortalized a name, in
+others we know not who originated them, or to whom they first referred.
+They seem to be the production, as they are the heritage, not of man but
+of humanity. It is essential to the permanence of humour that it should
+refer to large classes, and awaken emotions common to many. If Socrates
+and Xantippe, the philosopher and the shrew, had not represented
+classes, and an ordinary connection in life, we should have been little
+amused at their differences.<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a></p>
+
+<p>Having mentioned these few first aspects in which humour is constant, we
+now come to the wider field of its variation. It may be said to vary
+with the age, with the century, with classes of society, with the time
+of life, nay, it has been asserted, with the very hours<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span> of the day! The
+simplest mode in which we can demonstrate this character of humour is to
+consider some of those things which although amusing to others are not
+so to us, and those which amuse us, but not others; we sometimes regard
+as ludicrous what is intended to be humorous, sometimes on the other
+hand we view as humorous what is seriously meant, and sometimes we take
+gravely what is intended to be amusing.</p>
+
+<p>A man may make what he thinks to be a jest, and be neither humorous nor
+ludicrous, and a man may cause others to laugh without being one or the
+other; for what he says may be amusing, although he does not intend it
+to be so, or he may be merely relating some actual occurrence.
+Occasionally, there is some doubt as to whether we regard things as
+ludicrous or humorous. This is seen in some proverbs.</p>
+
+<p>But the most common and strongly marked instances of variation are where
+what is seriously taken by one person is regarded as ludicrous by
+another. Thus the conception of the qualities desirable in public
+speaking are very different on this side to the Atlantic from what they
+are on the other, and what appears to us to partake of the ludicrous,
+seems to them to be only grand, effective, and appropriate. "In
+patriotic eloquence," says a U.S. journal, "our American stump-speakers
+beat the world.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> They don't stand up and prose away so as to put an
+audience to sleep, after the lazy genteel aristocratic style of British
+Parliamentary speech-making." This boast is certainly just. There is a
+vigour about the popular style of American oratory that we are sure has
+never been equalled in the British Parliament. A paper of the interior
+in paying a glowing tribute to the eloquence of the Fourth of July
+orator who officiated in the town where the journal is published,
+says&mdash;"Although he had a platform ten feet square to orate upon, he got
+so fired up with patriotism that it wasn't half big enough to hold him:
+his fist collided three times with the President of the day, besides
+bunging the eye of the reader of the Declaration, and every person on
+the stage left it limping." Such a style of oratory would leave durable
+impressions, and be felt as well as heard.</p>
+
+<p>It cannot be doubted that our mental state, whether temporary or
+habitual, exercises a great influence over us in regard to humour.
+Temperament must modify all our emotional feelings, some are naturally
+gay and hilarious, some grave and austere, children laugh from little
+more than exuberance of spirits, and joyousness causes us to seek
+pleasure, to notice ludicrous combinations which would otherwise escape
+us,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span> and renders us sensitive of all humorous impressions. But the cares
+of life have generally the effect of making men grave even where there
+is no lack of imagination. Some have been so serious in mood that it has
+been recorded that they were never known to laugh, as it is said of
+Philip the Third of Spain that he only did so once&mdash;on reading Don
+Quixote.</p>
+
+<p>How little attempt at humour is there in most of our literary works!
+True, humour is rather the language of conversation, and we may expect
+it as little in writing, as we do sentiment in society. But even in its
+own special province it is lacking, there is generally in our festive
+gatherings more of what is dull than of what is playful and pleasant.
+Perhaps our cloudy skies may have some influence&mdash;it is impossible to
+doubt that climate affects the mental disposition of nations. The
+natives of Tahiti in their soft southern isle are gay and
+laughter-loving; the Arab of the desert is fierce and warlike, and
+seldom condescends to smile. Sydney Smith said "it would require a
+surgical operation to get a joke into the understanding of a Scotchman;"
+but the Irishman in his mild variable climate is ready to be witty under
+all circumstances. Fl&ouml;gel, writing in Germany, observes that "humour is
+not a fruit to be gathered from every<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span> bough; you can find a hundred men
+able to draw tears for every one that can raise a laugh."</p>
+
+<p>There is also a great difference between individuals in this respect.
+Some are naturally bright and jocund, and others are misanthropic and
+manufacture out of very trite materials a sort of snap-dragon wit, which
+flares up in an instant, is as soon out, and generally burns somebody's
+fingers. It may be urged on the contrary that many celebrated wits as
+Mathews, Leech, and others, have been melancholy men. But despondency is
+often found in an excitable temperament which is not unfavourable to
+humour, for the man who is unduly depressed at one moment is likely to
+be immoderately elated at another. Old Hobbes was of opinion that
+laughter arose from pride, upon which Addison remarked that according to
+that theory, if we heard a man laugh, instead of saying that he was very
+merry, we should say that he was very proud. We have already observed
+that some men are disinclined to laugh because they are of an earnest
+turn of mind, constantly pondering upon their affairs and the
+possibility of transforming a shilling into a pound. Such are those to
+whom Carlyle referred when he said that "the man who cannot laugh is
+only fit for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span> treasons, stratagems and spoils." But there are a few
+persons who follow Lord Chesterfield in systematically suppressing this
+kind of demonstration. They think it derogatory, and in them pride is
+antagonistic to humour. A man who is free and easy and talkative, gains
+in one direction what he loses in another. We love him as a frank,
+genial fellow, but can never regard him with any great reverence.
+Laughter seems to bespeak a simple docile nature, such as those who
+assume to rule the world are not willing to have the credit of
+possessing. It belongs more to the fool than to the rogue, to those who
+follow than to those who lead. Eminent men do not intentionally avoid
+laughter; they are not inclined to it; and there are some, who, from
+being generally of a profound and calculating turn of mind are not given
+to any exhibition of emotion. It has been said that Diogenes never
+laughed, and the same has been asserted of Swift. And although we may
+safely conclude that these statements were not literally true, there was
+probably some foundation for them. No doubt they appreciated humour, but
+their minds were earnest and ambitious. Moreover, great wits are
+accustomed to the character of their own humour, and are often<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> merely
+repeating what they have heard or said frequently.</p>
+
+<p>Nature has endowed few men with two gifts, and emotional joyousness and
+high intellectual culture form a rare combination, such as was found in
+Goldsmith with his hearty laughter, and in Macaulay, who tells us that
+he laughed at Mathews' comic performance "until his sides were sore."
+Bishop Warburton said that humorists were generally men of learning, but
+although those who were so would have been most prominent, we scarcely
+find the name of one of them in the course of these volumes; many of
+those mentioned sprang from the humbler paths of life, but all were men
+of study. Still those who are altogether unable to enjoy a joke are men
+of imperfect sympathies.</p>
+
+<p>Charles Lamb observes that in a certain way the character, even of a
+ludicrous man, is attractive&mdash;"The more laughable blunders a man shall
+commit in your company, the more tests he gives you that he will not
+betray or over-reach you. And take my word for this, reader, and say a
+fool told it you, if you please, that he who hath not a dram of folly in
+his mixture, hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition. What
+are commonly the world's received fools, but such whereof the world is
+not worthy?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>We have intimated that our sense of the ludicrous varies in accordance
+with memory, imagination, observation, and association. The minds of
+some are so versatile, and so richly endowed with intellectual gifts,
+that their ideas sparkle and coruscate, they splinter every ray of light
+into a thousand colours, and produce all kinds of strange juxtapositions
+and combinations. (This exuberance has probably led to the seemingly
+contradictory saying that men of sentiment are generally men of humour.)
+No doubt their sallies would be poor and appreciated by themselves alone
+were they without a certain foundation, but a vast number of things are
+capable of affording amusement. Pleasantries often turn upon something
+much more difficult to define than to feel&mdash;upon some nicety of regard,
+or neatness of proportion. No interchange of ideas can take place
+without much beyond the letter being understood, and very much depends
+upon variety of delicate significations. Words are as variable and
+relative as thought, differing with time and place&mdash;a few constantly
+dropping out of use, some understood in one age, but conveying no
+distinct idea in another, and not calling up exactly the same
+associations in different individuals. We cannot, therefore, agree with
+Addison that translation may be considered a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> sure test for
+distinguishing between genuine and spurious humour&mdash;although it would
+detect mere puns. Voltaire says of Hudibras, "I have never met with so
+much wit in one book as in this&mdash;who would believe that a work which
+paints in such lively and natural colours the several foibles and
+frolics of mankind, and where we meet with more sentiment than words,
+should baffle the endeavours of the ablest translator?" But any
+alteration of words would generally destroy humour. "To go to the
+crows," was a good and witty expression in ancient Greece, but it does
+not signify anything to us, except, perhaps, climbing trees. When we
+wish a man to be devoured, we tell him to "go to the dogs." Even the
+flow and sound of words sometimes has great influence in humour.</p>
+
+<p>Association has also considerable effect. Owing to this little boys at
+school are rarely able to laugh at a Greek joke. We consider that to
+call a man an ass is a reproach, but in the East in bewailing a lost
+friend they frequently exclaim, "Alas, my jackass!" for they do not
+associate the animal with stupidity, but with patience and usefulness.
+These differences show that the essence of some humour is so fugitive
+that the smallest change will destroy it. We may well suppose,
+therefore, that it escapes many<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span> who have not quick perceptions, while
+we find that everyone more keenly appreciates that which relates to some
+subject with which he is specially conversant&mdash;a lawyer enjoys a legal,
+a broker a commercial joke. Hence women, taking more interest than men
+in the general concerns of life and in a great variety of things, are
+more given to mirth&mdash;their mind reflects the world, that of men only one
+line in it. We see in society how much more quickly some persons
+understand an obscure allusion than others&mdash;some from natural
+penetration, some from familiarity with the subject. There are those who
+cannot enjoy any joke which they do not make themselves. Some cannot
+guess the simplest riddle, while others could soon detect the real
+nature of a cherry coloured cat with rose-coloured feet.</p>
+
+<p>Observation is necessary for all criticism, especially of that kind
+often found in humour. As an instance of humour being unappreciated for
+lack of it, I may mention that Beattie considers the well known passage
+of Gray to be parodied poetically, but not humorously, in the following
+lines upon a country curate&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Bread was his only food; his drink the brook;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So small a salary did his rector send,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He left his laundress all he had&mdash;a book,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He found in death, 'twas all he wished&mdash;a friend."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Most people would think that this was in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span>tended to be humorous. It
+struck me so&mdash;the "book" was evidently his washing book&mdash;and on turning
+to the original poem I found that the other stanzas were not at all of a
+serious complexion. The assistance given by imagination to humour is
+clearly seen, when after some good saying laughter recurs several times,
+as new aspects of the situation suggested present themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Circumstances of time and country greatly modify our modes of thought,
+and a vast amount of humour has thus become obscure, not only for want
+of information, but because things are not viewed in the same light.
+Beattie observes that Shakespeare's humour will never be adequately
+relished in France nor Moli&egrave;re's in England.<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a></p>
+
+<p>The inquiry in the present chapter is not as to what creates the
+ludicrous, but as to what tends to vivify or obscure it. We shall not
+here attempt any surmises as to its essential nature, although we trace
+the conditions necessary to its due appreciation. A great number of
+things pass unnoticed every day both in circumstances and conversation,
+in which the ludicrous might be detected by a keen observer. The
+following is not a bad instance of an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span> absurd statement being
+unconsciously made&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"One day when walking in the Black Country the Bishop of Lichfield
+saw a number of miners seated on the ground, and went to speak to
+them. On asking them what they were doing, he was told they had
+been 'loyin.' The Bishop, much dismayed, asked for an explanation.
+'Why, you see,' said one of the men, 'one of us fun' a kettle, and
+we have been trying who can tell the biggest lie to ha' it.' His
+lordship, being greatly shocked, began to lecture them and to tell
+them that lying was a great offence, and that he had always felt
+this so strongly that he had never told a lie in the whole course
+of his life. He had scarcely finished, when one of the hearers
+exclaimed, 'Gie the governor the kettle; gie the governor the
+kettle!'"</p></div>
+
+<p>Under the head of unconscious absurdities may be classed what are
+commonly called "bulls," implying like the French "<i>b&ecirc;tise</i>" so great a
+deficiency of observation as to approach a kind of brutish stupidity
+only worthy of the lower animals. A man could not be charged with such
+obtuseness if he were only ignorant of some philosophical truth, or even
+of a fact commonly known, or if his mistake were clearly from
+inadvertence. I have heard the question asked "Which is it more correct
+to say. Seven and five <i>is</i> eleven, or seven and five <i>are</i> eleven?" and
+if a man reply hastily "<i>Are</i> is the more correct," he could not be
+charged with having made a "bull," any more than if a boy had made a
+mistake in a sum of addition or subtraction. If a foreigner says "I have
+got to-morrow's Times," we do not consider it a bull because he is
+ignorant that he should have said "yesterday's," and a person who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span> does
+not understand Latin may be excused for saying "Under existing
+circumstances," perhaps long usage justifies the expression. For this
+reason, and also because no dulness is implied, we may safely say "the
+sun sets," or "the sun has gone in." To constitute a bull, there must be
+something glaringly self-contradictory in the statement. But every
+observation containing a contradiction does not show dulness of
+apprehension, but often talent and ingenuity. Poetry and humour are much
+indebted to such expressions&mdash;thus the old Greek writers often call
+offerings made to the dead "a kindness which is no kindness," and Horace
+speaks of "discordant harmony" and "active idleness." Some other
+contradictions are humorous, and most bulls would be so were they made
+purposely.<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a> A genuine bull is never intentional. But few people would
+plead guilty to having shown bovine stupidity. They would shelter
+themselves under some of the various exceptions&mdash;perhaps explain that
+they attach a different meaning to the words, and that so the
+expressions are not so very incorrect, and all that could generally be
+proved against a man would be that he had used words in unaccustomed
+senses. Thus what appears to one person to be a "bull" seems a correct
+expression to another.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> I remember an Irishman telling me that in his
+country they had the finest climate in the world, and on my replying
+"Yes, I believe you have very little frost or snow," he rejoined "Oh,
+plinty, sir, plinty of frost and snow&mdash;but frost and snow is not cold in
+Ireland." He was quite serious&mdash;intended no joke. He evidently used the
+term "cold," not only in reference to temperature, but also to the
+amount of discomfort usually suffered from it. And that it may sometimes
+be used in a metaphorical sense is evident from our expressions "a cold
+heart," "a freezing manner."</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes people would attribute their mistake to inadvertence, and so
+escape from the charge of stupidity implied in a "bull." A friend who
+told me that a Mr. Carter was "a seller of everything, and other things
+besides," would probably have urged this excuse. The writer of the
+following in the "agony" column of a daily paper, "Dear Tom. Come
+immediately if you see this. If not come on Saturday," would contend
+that there was only a slight omission, and that the meaning was
+evidently "if you see this <i>to-day</i>." From inadvertence I have heard it
+said in commendation of a celebrated artist, that "he painted dead
+game&mdash;to the life." Sir Boyle Roche is said to have exclaimed in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> fit
+of enthusiasm "that Admiral Howe would sweep the French fleet off the
+face of the earth."</p>
+
+<p>But it may be urged that there are some observations which no man can
+excuse or account for, and of such a nature that even the person who
+makes them must admit that they are "bulls." Such, for instance, as that
+of the Irishman, who being shown an alarum said, "Oh, sure, I see. I've
+only to pull the string when I want to awake myself." But such sayings
+are not "bulls," only humorous inventions. They represent a greater
+amount of density than any one ever possessed. That the above saying is
+invented, is proved by the simple fact that alarums have no strings to
+pull. In the same way the lines quoted by Lever&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Success to the moon, she's a dear noble creature</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And gives us the daylight all night in the dark,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>did not emanate from a dull, but a clever man.</p>
+
+<p>A "bull" is an imputation of stupidity made by the hearer through the
+inadvertence of the speaker in whose mind there is no contradiction, but
+a want of precision in thought or expression. It is a common error where
+the imagination is stronger than the critical faculty.</p>
+
+<p>The use of cant words renders jests imperfectly intelligible. Greek
+humour was clearer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> in this respect than that of the present day,
+especially since our vocabulary has been so much enriched from America.
+Puns also restrict the pleasantries dependent on them to one country, no
+great loss perhaps, though the greater part of German humour is thus
+rendered obscure. "Remember," writes Lord Chesterfield, "that the wit,
+humour, and jokes of most companies are local. They thrive in that
+particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting. Every company is
+differently circumstanced, has its peculiar cant and jargon, which may
+give occasion to wit and mirth within the circle, but would seem flat
+and insipid in any other, and therefore will not bear repeating. Nothing
+makes a man look sillier than a pleasantry not relished, or not
+understood, and if he meets with a profound silence when he expected a
+general applause, or what is worse if he is desired to explain the <i>bon
+mot</i>, his awkward and embarrassed situation is easier imagined than
+described." But ignorance of the meaning of words, while it destroys one
+kind of amusement sometimes creates another. The mistakes of the deaf
+and of foreigners are often ludicrous. A French gentleman told me that
+on the morning after his arrival in Italy he rang his bell and called
+"<i>De l'eau chaude</i>." As he did not seem to be understood he made<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span> signs
+to his face, and the waiter nodded and withdrew. It was a long time
+before he reappeared, but when he entered the delay was accounted for,
+as he had been out to purchase a pot of <i>rouge</i>!</p>
+
+<p>But mistakes with regard to the meanings of words are not so common as
+with regard to their references. We are often ignorant of the state of
+society, or the manners and customs to which allusion is made. This is
+the reason why so much of the humour of bygone ages escapes us. In
+ancient Greece to call a man a frequenter of baths was an insult, not a
+commendation as it would be at present. With them the class who are "so
+very clean and so very silly" was large, and the golden youth of the
+period, under the pretence of ablution, spent their time in idleness and
+luxury in these "baths"&mdash;which corresponded in some respects to our
+clubs. To give an example in modern literature&mdash;when Charles Lamb in his
+Life of Liston records that his hero was descended from a Johan
+d'Elistone, who came over with the Conqueror, and was rewarded for his
+prowess with a grant of land at Lupton Magna, many people had so little
+knowledge or insight as to take this humorous invention to be an
+historical fact.</p>
+
+<p>Laughter for want of knowledge is especially<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span> manifested among savages,
+when they first come into contact with civilization. A missionary
+relating his experiences among the South Sea islanders observes how much
+he was astonished at their laughing at what seemed to him the most
+ordinary occurrences. This was owing to their utter ignorance of matters
+commonly known to us. He tells us one day when the sailors were boring a
+hole to put a vent peg into a cask, the fermentation caused the porter
+to spirt out upon them. One of them tried in vain to stop it with his
+hand, but it flew through his fingers. Meanwhile a native who stood by
+burst into a fit of immoderate laughter. The sailor, thinking it a
+serious matter to lose so much good liquor, asked him rather angrily why
+he was laughing at the porter running out. "Oh," replied the native,
+"I'm not laughing at its coming out, but at thinking what trouble it
+must have cost you to put it in."</p>
+
+<p>But ignorance has often produced opposite results to these, and caused
+very ludicrous statements to be made seriously. Thus a French Gazette
+reports that "Lord Selkirk arrived in Paris this morning. He is a
+descendant of the famous Selkirk whose adventures suggested to Defoe his
+Robinson Crusoe." Among the various curious and useful items of
+knowledge contained in the "Almanach de<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> Gotha,"&mdash;the first number of
+which was published 111 years ago&mdash;we find it gravely stated that the
+Manghians of the island of Mindoro are furnished with tails exactly five
+inches in length, and the women of Formosa with beards half a foot long.
+I remember having, upon one occasion, visited the Mammertine prison at
+Rome with a young friend preparing for the army, and his asking me "What
+had St. Peter and St. Paul done to be confined here?" "They were here
+for being Christians," I replied, "Oh, were St. Peter and St. Paul
+Christians? I suppose they were put in prison by these horrid Roman
+Catholics."</p>
+
+<p>We may say generally that any fresh acquisition of knowledge destroys
+one source of amusement and opens another. But if our mental powers were
+to become perfect, which they never will, we should cease to laugh at
+all. Wisdom or knowledge&mdash;the study of our own thoughts or of those of
+others&mdash;has a tendency to alter our general views, and affects our
+appreciation of humour, even where it affords no special information on
+the subject before us. Upon given premises the conclusions of the highly
+cultivated are different from those of others; and intellectual humour
+is that which generally they enjoy most&mdash;finding more pleasure in
+thought than in emotion. No<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span> doubt they sometimes appreciate what is
+lighter, especially when a reaction taking place after severe study,
+they feel like children let out to play. But ordinarily they certainly
+appreciate most that rare and subtle humour which inferior minds cannot
+understand. Herbert Spencer is probably correct that "we enjoy that
+humour most at which we laugh least." But we must not conclude from this
+rule that we can at will by repressing our laughter increase our
+pleasure. The statement refers to the cases of different persons or of
+the same person under different circumstances. Rude and uneducated
+people would little feel the humour at which they could not laugh, and
+some grave people entirely miss much that is amusing. "The nervous
+energy," he says, "which would have caused muscular action, is
+discharged in thought," but this presupposes a very sensitive mental
+organization into which the discharge can be made. Where this does not
+exist, laughter accompanies the appreciation of humour, and in silence
+there would be little pleasure. The cause of mirth also differs as the
+persons affected, and the farce which creates a roar in the pit will
+often not raise a smile in the boxes. Swift writes&mdash;"Bombast and
+buffoonery, by nature lofty and light, soar highest of all in the
+theatre, and would be lost<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> in the roof, if the prudent architect had
+not contrived for them a fourth place called the twelvepenny gallery and
+there planted a suitable colony." That emotionable ebullition affords a
+lower class less enjoyment than intellectual action gives a higher order
+of mind, must be somewhat uncertain. A thoughtful nature is probably
+happier than an emotional, but it is difficult to compare the pleasure
+derived from intellectual, moral, and sensuous feelings.</p>
+
+<p>It is a common saying that "there is no disputing taste," and in this
+respect we allow every man a certain range. But when he transgresses
+this limit he often becomes ludicrous, especially to those whose tastes
+rather tend in the opposite direction. The strange figure and
+accoutrements of Don Quixote raised great laughter among the gay ladies
+at the inn, and induced the puissant knight-errant to administer to them
+the rebuke "Excessive laughter without cause denotes folly."</p>
+
+<p>A friend of mine, desirous of giving an intellectual treat to the
+rustics in the neighbourhood, announced that a reading of Shakespeare
+would be given in the village schoolroom by a celebrated elocutionist.
+The villagers, attracted by the name, came in large numbers, and laughed
+vociferously at all the pathetic parts, but looked grave at the humour.
+This was,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> no doubt, partly owing to their habits of life, as well as to
+a want of taste and information. Taste for music, and familiarity with
+the traditional style of the Opera, enable us to enjoy dialogues in
+recitative, but were a man in ordinary conversation to deliver himself
+in musical cadences, or even in rhyme, we should consider him supremely
+ridiculous.</p>
+
+<p>Translations have often exhibited very strange vagaries of taste. Thus,
+Castalio's rendering of "The Song of Solomon" is ludicrous from the use
+of diminutives.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Mea columbula, ostende mihi tuum vulticulum.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cerviculam habes Davidic&aelig; turris similem&mdash;Cervicula quasi eburnea
+turricula, &amp;c."</span></p>
+
+<p>Beattie is severe upon Dryden's obtuseness in his translation of the
+"Iliad." "Homer," he says, "has been blamed for degrading his gods into
+mortals, but Dryden has made them blackguards.... If we were to judge of
+the poet by the translator, we should imagine the Iliad to have been
+partly designed for a satire upon the clergy."</p>
+
+<p>Addison observes that the Ancients were not particular about the bearing
+of their similes. "Homer likens one of his heroes, tossing to and fro in
+his bed and burning with resentment, to a piece of flesh broiled on the
+coals." "The present Emperor of Persia," he continues, "con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span>formable to
+the Eastern way of thinking, amidst a great many pompous titles,
+denominates himself the 'Son of Glory,' and 'Nutmeg of Delight.'"
+Eastern nations indulge in this kind of hyperbole, which seems to us
+rather to overstep the sublime, but we cannot be astonished when we read
+in the Zgand-Savai (Golden Tulip) of China, that "no one can be a great
+poet, unless he have the majestic carriage of the elephant, the bright
+eyes of the partridge, the agility of the antelope, and a face rivalling
+the radiance of the full moon."</p>
+
+<p>Reflection is generally antagonistic to humour, just as abstraction of
+mind will prevent our feeling our hands being tickled. Often what was
+intended to amuse, merely produces thought on some social or physical
+question. But the variability of our appreciation of humour, is most
+commonly recognised in the differences of moral feeling. We have often
+heard people say that it is wrong for people to jest on this or that
+subject, or that they will not laugh at such ribaldry. The excitement
+necessary for the enjoyment of humour is then neutralized by deeper
+feelings, and they are perhaps more inclined to sigh than to laugh, or
+the nervous action being entirely dormant, they remain unaffected. But
+not only do people's feelings on various subjects differ in kind and in
+amount,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span> but also in result. The same idea produces different emotions
+in different men, and the same emotion different effects. One man will
+regard an event as insignificant, and will not laugh at it; another will
+consider it important, but still will be unable to keep his countenance,
+where most men would be grave. The experience of daily life teaches us
+that different men act very differently under the same kind of emotion.
+The Ancients laughed at calamities, which would call forth our
+commiseration, their consideration for others not being so great, nor
+their appreciation of suffering so acute. But in the cases of some few
+individuals, and of barbarous nations, we sometimes find at the present
+day instances of the ludicrous seasoned with considerable hostility.
+Fl&ouml;gel tells us that he knew a man in Germany who took especial delight
+in witnessing tortures and executions, and related the circumstances
+attending them with the greatest enjoyment and laughter. In "Two Years
+in Fiji," we read, "Among the appliances which I had brought with me to
+Fiji, from Sydney, were a stethoscope and a scarifier. Nothing was
+considered more witty by those in the secret than to place this
+apparently harmless instrument on the back of some unsuspecting native,
+and touch the spring.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span> In an instant twelve lancets would plunge into
+the swarthy flesh. Then would follow a long-drawn cry, scarcely audible
+amidst peals of laughter from the bystanders."</p>
+
+<p>It has been said that our non-appreciation of hostile humour is much
+owing to the suppression of feeling in conventional society, but I think
+that there is also an influence in civilization, which subdues and
+directs our emotions. A certain difference in this respect can be traced
+in the higher and lower classes of the population. This, and the
+difference in reasoning power, have led to the observation that "the
+last thing in which a cultivated man can have community with the vulgar
+is in jocularity."</p>
+
+<p>Jesting on religious subjects, has generally arisen from scepticism,
+deficiency in taste, or disbelief in the injurious consequences of the
+practice. Some consider that levity is likely to bring any subject it
+touches into contempt, or is only fitly used in connection with light
+subjects; while others regard it as merely a source of harmless
+pleasure, and can even laugh at a joke against themselves. In like
+manner some consider it inconsistent with the profession of religion to
+attend balls, races, or theatres, or even to wear gay-coloured clothes.
+Congreve has been blamed even for calling a coachman a "Jehu." On the
+other hand, at the beginning<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> of this century, "a man of quality" could
+scarcely get through a sentence without some profane expletive. Sir
+Walter Scott makes a highwayman lament that, although he could "swear as
+round an oath as any man," he could never do it "like a gentleman." Lord
+Melbourne was so accustomed to garnish his conversation in this way that
+Sydney Smith once said to him, "We will take it for granted that
+everybody is damned, and now proceed with the subject." In former times,
+and even sometimes in our own day, the most eminent Christians have
+occasionally indulged in jest. At the time of the Reformation, a martyr
+comforted a fellow-sufferer, Philpot, by telling him he was a "pot
+filled with the most precious liquor;" and Latimer called bad passions
+"Turks," and bade his hearers play at "Christian Cards." "Now turn up
+your trump&mdash;hearts are trumps." Robert Hall, a most pious Christian, was
+constantly transgressing in this direction, and I have heard Mr. Moody
+raise a roar of laughter while preaching.</p>
+
+<p>Now it is quite impossible to say that in any of the above cases there
+was a want of faith, although we are equally unable to agree with those
+who maintain that profane jests are most common when it is the
+strongest. What they show is a want of control of feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span>ing, or a
+deficiency in taste, so that people do not regard such things as either
+injurious or important. A sceptic at the present day is generally less
+profane than a religious man was in the last century. Such is the result
+of civilization, although unbelief in itself inclines to profanity, and
+faith to reverence.</p>
+
+<p>It is self-evident that peculiar feelings and convictions will prevent
+our regarding things as ludicrous, at which we should otherwise be
+highly amused. Religious veneration, or the want of it, often causes
+that to appear sacred to one person which seems absurd to another. Many
+Jewish stories seem strange to Gentile comprehensions. Elias Levi states
+that he had been told by many old and pious rabbis that at the costly
+entertainment at which the Messiah should be welcomed among the Jews, an
+enormous bird should be killed and roasted, of which the Talmud says
+that it once threw an egg out of its nest which crushed three hundred
+lofty cedars, and when broken, swept away sixty villages.</p>
+
+<p>The following petition was signed by sixteen girls of Charleston, S.C.,
+and presented to Governor Johnson in 1733, and was no doubt thought to
+set forth a serious evil.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The humble petition of all the maids whose names are under
+written. Whereas we, the humble petitioners are at present in a
+very melancholy disposition of mind, considering how all the
+bachelors are blindly captivated by widows, the consequence is this
+our request that your Excellency will for the future order that no
+widow presume to marry any young man until the maids are provided
+for, or else to pay each of them a fine. The great disadvantage it
+is to us maids, is that the widows by their forward carriages do
+snap up the young men, and have the vanity to think their merit
+beyond ours which is a just imposition on us who ought to have the
+preference. This is humbly recommended to your Excellency's
+consideration, and we hope you will permit no further insults. And
+we poor maids in duty bound will ever pray," &amp;c.</p></div>
+
+<p>It is almost impossible to limit the number of influences, which affect
+our appreciation of the ludicrous. "Nothing," writes Goethe, "is more
+significant of a man's character than what he finds laughable." We find
+highly intellectual men very different in this respect. Quintilian
+notices the different kind of humour of Aulus Galba, Junius Bassus,
+Cassius Severus, and Domitius Afer. In modern times Pitt was grave; Fox,
+Melbourne, and Canning were witty. Sir Henry Holland enumerates as the
+wits of his day, Canning, Sydney Smith, Jekyll, Lord Alvanley, Lord
+Dudley, Hookham Frere, Luttrell, Rogers, and Theodore Hook, and he
+adds&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Scarcely two of the men just named were witty exactly in the same
+vein. In Jekyll and Hook the talent of the simple punster
+predominated, but in great perfection of the art, while Bishop
+Blomfield and Baron Alderson, whom I have often seen in friendly
+conflict, enriched this art by the high classical accompaniments
+they brought to it. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span> wit of Lord Dudley, Lord Alvanley, and
+Rogers was poignant, personal sarcasm; in Luttrell it was perpetual
+fun of lighter and more various kind, and whimsically expressed in
+his features, as well as in his words.<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a> 'Natio com&aelig;da est' was
+the maxim of his mind and denoted the wide field of his humour. The
+wit of Mr. Canning was of rarer and more refined workmanship, and
+drew large ornament from classical sources. The 'Anti-Jacobin'
+shows Mr. Canning's power in his youthful exuberance. When I knew
+him it had been sobered, perhaps saddened, by the political
+contrarities and other incidents of more advanced life, but had
+lost none of its refinement of irony. Less obvious than the common
+wit of the world, it excited thought and refined it&mdash;one of the
+highest characteristics of this faculty.</p>
+
+<p>"Lady Morley bore off the palm among the 'witty women' of the day.
+She was never 'willing to wound.' Her printed pieces, though short
+and scattered, attest the rare merits of her humour. The 'Petition
+of the Hens of Great Britain to the House of Commons against the
+Importation of French eggs,' is an excellent specimen of them."</p></div>
+
+<p>In corroboration of this view of the different complexion of men's
+humour I may mention that in the course of this work I have often had
+the sayings of various wits intermixed and have always been able easily
+to assign each to its author.</p>
+
+<p>Considering the great diversity in the appreciation of the ludicrous,
+the question arises is it merely a name for many different emotions, or
+has it always some invariable character. To<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span> decide this we may ask the
+question, Is one kind of humour better than another? Practically the
+answer is given every day, one saying being pronounced "good" if not
+"capital," and another "very poor," or a "mild" joke; and when we see
+humour varying with education, and with the ages of men and nations, we
+cannot but suppose that there are gradations of excellence in it.</p>
+
+<p>Now, if we allow generally this ascending scale in the ludicrous, we
+admit a basis of comparison, and consequently a link between the various
+circumstances in which it is found. It may be objected that in the
+somewhat similar case of Beauty, there is no connection between the
+different kinds. But the ludicrous stands alone among the emotions, and
+is especially in contrast with that of Beauty in this&mdash;that it is
+peculiarly dependent on the judgment, as beauty is on the senses. That
+we understand more about the ludicrous than about beauty is evident from
+its being far easier to make what is beautiful appear ludicrous than
+what is ludicrous appear beautiful.</p>
+
+<p>There is something unique in the perception of the ludicrous. It seems
+to strike and pass away too quickly for an emotion. The lightness of the
+impression produced by laughter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span> is the reason why, although we often
+remember to have felt alarmed or pleased in dreams, we never remember to
+have been amused. The imperfect circulation of the blood in the head
+during sleep causes the reason to be partially dormant, and leads to
+strange fantasies being brought before us. But that our judgment is not
+entirely inactive is evident from the emotions we feel, and among them
+is the ludicrous, for many people laugh in their sleep, and when they
+are awakened think over the strange visions. They then laugh, but never
+remember having done so before. Memory is much affected by sleep, the
+greater number of our dreams are entirely forgotten, and the emotions
+and circumstances of the ludicrous easily pass from our remembrance.</p>
+
+<p>Bacon considered the ludicrous too intellectual to be called a "passio"
+or emotion. It has commonly been regarded as almost an intuitive
+faculty. We speak of "seeing" humour, and of having a "sense" of the
+ludicrous. We think that we have a sense in other matters, where
+reflection is not immediately perceptible, as when in music or painting
+we at once observe that a certain style produces a certain effect, and
+that a certain means conduces to a certain end. This recognition seems
+to be made intuitively, and from long habit and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> constant observation we
+come to acquire what appears like a sense, by which without going
+through any reasoning process we give opinions upon works of Art. The
+judgment acts from habit so imperceptibly that it is altogether
+overlooked, and we seem almost to have a natural instinct. We are often
+as unconscious of its exercise as of the changes going on in our bodily
+constitution. The compositor sets his types without looking at them; the
+mathematician solves problems "by inspection," and a well-known
+physiologist told me he had seen a man read a book while he kept three
+balls in the air. At times we seem to be more correct when acting
+involuntarily than when from design. We have heard it said that, if you
+think of the spelling of a word, you will make a mistake in it, and many
+can form a good judgment on a subject who utterly fail when they begin
+to specify the grounds on which it is founded. In many such cases we
+seem almost to acquire a sense, and, perhaps, for a similar reason we
+speak of a sense of the ludicrous. We are also, perhaps, influenced by a
+logical error&mdash;the ludicrous seems to us a simple feeling, and as every
+sense is so, we conclude that all simple feelings are senses.</p>
+
+<p>The ludicrous is not analogous to our bodily senses, in that it is not
+affected in so constant<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span> and uniform a manner. The sky appears blue to
+every man, unless he have some visual defect, but an absurd situation is
+not "taken" by all. In the senses no ratiocination is required, whereas
+the ludicrous does not come to us directly, but through judgment&mdash;a
+moment, though brief and unnoticed, always elapses in which we grasp the
+nature of the circumstances before us. If it be asserted that our
+decision is in this case pronounced automatically, without any exercise
+of reason, we must still admit that it comes from practice and
+experience, and not naturally and immediately, like a sense. The
+arguments taken from profit and expediency, which have led to a belief
+in moral sense, would, of course, have no weight in the case of the
+ludicrous.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XX.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Definition&mdash;Difficulties of forming one of Humour.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Some of the considerations towards the end of the last chapter may have
+led us to conclude that our sense<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a> of the ludicrous is not a variety
+of emotions, but only one; and the possibility of our forming a
+definition of it depends, not only upon its unity, but upon our being
+able to trace some common attributes in the circumstances which awaken
+it. But in one of the leading periodicals of the day, I lately read the
+observation&mdash;made by a writer whose views should not be lightly
+regarded&mdash;that "all the most profound philosophers have pronounced a
+definition of humour to be hopelessly impracticable." I think that such
+an important and fundamental statement as this may be suitably taken
+into consideration in commencing our examination of the question. As a
+matter of history, we shall find that it is erroneous, for several great
+philosophers have given us definitions of the sense of the ludicrous,
+and few have thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span> it indefinable. But those who took the former
+course might be charged with wandering into the province of literature;
+while the views of those who adopted the latter might be thought
+incorrect with regard to definition, or unwarranted with regard to
+humour. To suppose that a definition of humour would be of any great
+value, would be to think that it would unfold the nature of things,
+instead of merely giving the meaning of a term; nor is it correct to
+conclude that by employing a string of words we can reach the precise
+signification of one, any more than we can hit the mark by striking at
+each side of it. If the number and variety of our words and thoughts
+were increased, we could approximate more nearly; but as we know neither
+the boundaries of our conceptions, nor the natural limits of things,
+definition can never be perfect or final. Various standards have been
+sought for it&mdash;the common usage of society being generally adopted&mdash;but
+it must always to a certain extent vary, according to the knowledge and
+approval of the definer.</p>
+
+<p>Scientific definitions are not intended to be complete, except for the
+study immediately in view. Who ever saw that ghostly line which is
+length without breadth&mdash;and how absurd it is to require of us to draw
+it! And would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span> not a country-bumpkin feel as much insulted, if we told
+him he was a "carnivorous ape," or a "mammiferous two-handed animal," as
+the French soldier did when his officer called him a biped? If we give
+man his old prerogative, a "rational animal," how many would refuse the
+title to pretty women and spendthrift sons, while others would most
+willingly bestow it upon their poodles?</p>
+
+<p>Definition cannot be formed without analysis and comparison, and as few
+people indulge much in either, they accomplish it very roughly, but it
+answers their purpose, and they are contented until they find themselves
+wrong. Hence we commonly consider that nearly everything can be defined.
+We may then call the ludicrous "an element in things which tends to
+create laughter." This may be considered a fair definition, and although
+it is quite untrue, and founded on a superficial view of the ludicrous,
+it may give us the characteristics which men had in view in originally
+giving the name at a time when they had little consideration or
+experience. But if we require more, and ask for a definition which will
+stand the test of philosophical examination, we must reply that such
+only can be given as is dependent upon the satisfaction of the inquirer.
+Progressive minds will find it difficult to circumscribe the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> meaning of
+words, especially on matters with which they are well acquainted.</p>
+
+<p>Brown, in his "Lectures on the Philosophy of the Human Mind," observes
+that the ludicrous is a compound feeling of gladness and astonishment;
+not a very comprehensive view, for according to it, if a man were
+informed that he had been left a sum of money, he would regard his good
+fortune as highly absurd.</p>
+
+<p>Beattie maintains, on the contrary, that the ludicrous is a simple
+feeling, and therefore indefinable, a statement in which the premise
+seems more correct than the conclusion. The opinion that it is simple
+and primary, although not admitting of proof, has some probability in
+its favour. It arose from a conviction that we had no means of reaching
+it, of taking it to pieces, and was derived from the unsatisfactory
+character of such attempts as that of Brown, or from analogy with some
+other emotions, or with physical substances whose essence we cannot
+ascertain. If we can connect the ludicrous with certain acts of
+judgment, we cannot tell how far the emotion is modified by them, and
+even if we seem to have detected some elements in it, we were not
+conscious of them at the moment of our being amused. If they exist, they
+are then undiscernible.</p>
+
+<p>As when we regard a work of art, we are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span> not sensible of pleasure until
+all the several elements of beauty are blended together, so if the
+ludicrous be a compound, there is some power within us that fuses the
+several emotions into one, and evolves out of them a completely new and
+distinct feeling. The product has a different nature from its component
+parts, just as the union of the blue, yellow and red give the simple
+sensation of whiteness. Regard the elements as separate and the feeling
+vanishes.</p>
+
+<p>It has probably been owing to reflections of the above kind that some
+philosophers have stated that the ludicrous is a simple feeling,
+awakened by certain means, and not a compound or acquired feeling formed
+of certain elements. But although it is more comfortable to have
+questions settled and at rest, it is often safer to leave them open,
+especially where we have neither sufficient knowledge nor power of
+investigation to bring our inquiries to an issue. It is not, however,
+correct to say that because feelings are primary or single they cannot
+be defined. As we cannot take them to pieces or analyse them, we are
+ignorant with regard to their real nature, and of some we cannot form
+any definition whatever, the only account we can give of them being to
+enumerate every object in which they appear; but in the case of others,
+we are enabled to form a definition<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span> by means of attributes observed in
+the objects or circumstances which awaken them. We cannot trace any
+common elements in sugar and scent, or in leaves and emeralds, by which
+to define sweetness and viridity; but we think we can discern some in
+the ludicrous. The mere grouping of certain things under one head seems
+to show that mankind notices some similarity between them. But
+definition requires more than this; attributes must be observed, and
+such as are common to all the instances, and where it has been attempted
+there has been a conviction that such would be found, for without them
+it would be impossible. When this belief is entertained, a definition is
+practicable, regarding it not as a perfect or final, but as a possible
+and approximate limitation. To define accurately, we should summon
+before us every real circumstance which does, or imaginary one which
+could, awaken the feeling, and every real and imaginary circumstance
+which, though very similar, has not this effect. The greater the variety
+of these instances which have the power, the fewer are the qualities
+which appear to possess it; and the greater the variety of instances
+which have it not, the greater the number of the qualities we attribute
+to it.</p>
+
+<p>It follows that the more numerous are the particulars to be considered,
+the more difficult<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span> it is to form a definition, and this may have led
+some to say that the ludicrous, which covers such a vast and varied
+field, lies entirely beyond it. We might think that we could add and
+subtract attributes until words and faculties failed us, until, in the
+one direction, we were reduced to a single point, in fact, to the
+ludicrous itself&mdash;while in the other we are lost in a boundless expanse.
+To be satisfied with our definition, we must form a narrower estimate of
+the number of instances, and a higher one of our powers of
+discrimination.</p>
+
+<p>But there is an alternative&mdash;although amusing objects and circumstances
+are almost innumerable, as we may have gathered from the last chapter,
+we may claim a license, frequently allowed in other cases, of drawing
+conclusions from a considerable number of promiscuous examples, and
+regarding them as a fair sample of the whole. Such a view has no doubt
+been taken by many able men, who have attempted to define the ludicrous.
+An eminent German philosopher even said that he did not despair of
+discovering its real essence.</p>
+
+<p>It must be admitted that we have no actual proof that the provocatives
+of the ludicrous are innumerable or utterly heterogeneous, nor any
+greater presumption that they are so than in many cases of physical
+phenomena which we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span> are accustomed to define. The difficulty is at the
+most only that of degree, but we are unusually conscious of it owing to
+the nature of the subject. Every day, if not every hour, brings
+ludicrous objects of different kinds before us, whereas the number and
+variety of plants, animals, and minerals are only known to botanists and
+zoologists and other scientific men.</p>
+
+<p>As the members of a class are infinitely less numerous than the somewhat
+similar things which lie outside it, the course commonly adopted has
+been to examine a few members of it and try to find some of the
+properties a class possesses, without aspiring to ascertain them all.
+Our conclusions will thus be coextensive with our knowledge, rather than
+with our wishes, incomplete and overwide rather than illogical. How far
+easier is it, with regard to our present subject, to decide that the
+circumstances which awaken the ludicrous possess certain elements, than
+that it requires nothing more! the chemist may analyse the bright water
+of a natural spring which he can never manufacture. We can sometimes
+form what is humorous by imitation, but not by following any rules or
+directions; we even seem to be led more to it by accident than by
+design.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Our safest plan, therefore, will be to search for some possible
+elements, and to endeavour to establish some probabilities on a subject
+which must always be somewhat surrounded with uncertainty. The constant
+tillage of the soil, the investigations made, and definitions attempted,
+have not been unproductive of fruit, and we may feel a tolerable degree
+of assurance on some points in question, while admitting that, however
+assiduously we labour, there will always be something beyond our reach.
+We will proceed then to examine and compare the stores of our
+predecessors, and if possible add a grain to the heap. Knowledge is
+progressive, and although it is not the lot of man to be assured of
+absolute truth, still the acquisition of what is relative or approximate
+is not valueless. This consideration, which has cheered many on the road
+of physical philosophy, may afford some encouragement to those who
+follow the equally obscure indications of our mental phenomena.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XXI.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Charm of Mystery&mdash;Complication&mdash;Poetry and Humour
+compared&mdash;Exaggeration.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>All who are accustomed to novel reading or writing, are aware of the
+fascinating power of mystery. They even consider it a principal test of
+a good story that the plot should be impenetrable, and the final result
+concealed up to the last page. Tension and excitement are agreeable,
+even when the subject itself is somewhat painful. We observe this in a
+tragedy, and it is a common saying some people are never happy except
+when they are miserable. Such is the constitution of the mind; and the
+fact that enjoyment can be obtained when we should expect the reverse,
+is noteworthy with reference to the ludicrous. All mystery causes a
+certain disquietude, but if the problem seems to us capable of being
+solved, it begets an agreeable curiosity. On its resolution the
+excitement ceases, and we only feel a kind of satisfaction, which,
+though more unalloyed, gives less enjoyment than mystery, inasmuch as
+it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span> produces less mental and physical commotion. This tendency in the
+mind to find pleasure in complexity was observed even by Aristotle.</p>
+
+<p>Experience teaches us that no literary style is attractive without a
+certain interlacing of thoughts and feelings. The sentiments which are
+most treasured and survive longest, are those which are conveyed rather
+in a complex than simple form&mdash;emotion is thus most quickened, and
+memory impressed. The beauty and charm of form lie greatly in its
+bringing ideas closer together, and succinctness implies fulness of
+thought. Thus a vast number of paradoxical expressions have been
+generated, which are far more agreeable than plain language. We speak of
+"blushing honours," "liquid music," "dry wine," "loud" or "tender
+colours," "round flavour," "cold hearts," "trembling stars," "storms in
+tea-cups," and a thousand similar combinations, putting the abstract for
+the concrete, transferring the perception of one sense to another,
+intermingling the nomenclature of arts, and using a great variety of
+metaphorical and even ungrammatical phrases. Poets owe much of their
+power to such combinations, and we find that allusions, which are
+confessedly the reverse of true, are often the most beautiful, touch the
+heart deepest, and live longest in the memory. Thus the lover delights
+to sing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Why does azure deck the sky?</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis to be like thine eyes of blue."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Poetry has been called "the conflict of the elements of our being," and
+it is a mark of genius to leave much to the imagination of the reader.
+The higher we soar in poetry and the nearer we approach the sublime, the
+more the distance between the intertwined ideas increases. But we are
+scarcely conscious of any contradiction or discordance, as there is
+always something to resolve and explain it. Thus in "Il Penseroso," when
+we read of "the rugged brow of Night," we think of emblematic
+representations of Nox, and of the dark contraction of the brow in
+frowning. There is no breach of harmony, and we always find in poetry
+stepping stones which enable us to pass over difficulties. Often, too,
+we are assisted in this direction by the intention or tone of the writer
+or speaker.</p>
+
+<p>Athen&aelig;us exhibits well, in a story fictitious or traditional, the
+contradictory elements to be found in poetry, and shows how easily
+metaphorical language may become ludicrous when interpreted according to
+the letter rather than the spirit. He makes Sophocles say to an
+Erythr&aelig;an schoolmaster who wanted to take poetical things literally,</p>
+
+<p>"Then this of Simonides does not please you, I suppose, though it seems
+to the Greeks very well spoken<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The maid sends her voice</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From out her purple mouth!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>"Nor the poet speaking of the golden-haired Apollo, for if the painter
+had made the hair of the god golden and not black, the painting would be
+all the worse. Nor the poet speaking of the rosy-fingered Aurora, for if
+anyone were to dip his fingers into rose-coloured paint, he would make
+his hands like those of a purple dyer, not of a beautiful woman."</p>
+
+<p>The praise of women is so common, and we so often compare them to
+everything beautiful, that the harsh lines in the above similes are
+coloured over and almost disappear. Such language seems as suitable in
+poetry, as commonplace information would be tedious, and being the
+scaffolding by which the ideal rises, the complexity is not prominent as
+in humour, though it adds to the pleasure afforded. But whenever the
+verge of harmony is not only reached, but transgressed, the connection
+of opposite ideas produces a different effect upon us, and we admit that
+from the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. When we go beyond the
+natural we may, if, we heed not, enter the unnatural. In such cases we
+have an additional incentive to mirth&mdash;a double complication as it were,
+from the failure of the original intention.</p>
+
+<p>If there were nothing in the world but what is plain and self-evident,
+where would be the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span> romance and wit which form the greatest charm of
+life. Poetry recognises this; and in comic songs, especially of the
+Ethiopian class lately so popular, there is rather too prominent an aim
+to obtain complexity of ideas&mdash;sometimes to the verge of nonsense.
+Humorous sayings are largely manufactured on this plan.</p>
+
+<p>The ideas in humour, although in one respect distant, must be brought
+close together. Protraction in relating a story will cause it to fail,
+and this is one reason why jokes in a foreign language seldom make us
+laugh.</p>
+
+<p>Locke speaks of wit as the assemblage of ideas. Most philosophers
+acknowledge the existence of some conflict in humour, and in many
+instances of the ludicrous it seems to lie between the real and ideal.
+External circumstances appear different from what we should expect them
+to be, and think they ought to be. Thus we have seen a dignified man
+walking about quite unconscious that a wag has chalked his back, or
+fastened a "tail" on his coat behind.</p>
+
+<p>Some have attempted to explain all humour on this basis, but the
+complication in it does not seem capable of being brought under this
+head. Weiss and Arnold Ruge say it is "the ideal captive by the
+real"&mdash;an opinion similar<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> to that of Schopenhauer, who calls it "the
+triumph of intuition over reflection." Of course, this cannot be taken
+as a definition, for in that case every mistake we make, such as
+thinking a mountain higher than it is, or a right action wrong, would be
+laughable. We contemplate acts of injustice or oppression, and failures
+in art and manufacture, and still feel no inclination to laugh. But we
+may accept the opinion as an admission of the principle of complication.
+The ideal and real often meet without any spark being struck, and in
+some cases the conflict in humour can scarcely be said to lie between
+them. It is often dependent upon a breach of association, or of some
+primary ideas or laws of nature. Necessary principles of mind or matter
+are often violated where things, true under one condition, are
+represented as being so universally. Our American cousins supply us with
+many illustrative instances. "A man is so tall that he has to go up a
+ladder to shave himself." Generally we require to mount, to reach
+anything in a very high position, but if it were our own head, however
+lofty we carried it, we should not require a ladder. Somewhat similar is
+the observation "that a young lady's head-dress is now so high, that she
+requires to stand on a stool to put it on."</p>
+
+<p>We have heard of a soldier surprising and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> surrounding a body of the
+enemy; and of a man coming downstairs in the morning, thinking himself
+someone else. "One man is as good as another," said Thackeray to the
+Irishman. "No, but much better," was the sharp reply. A somewhat similar
+breach takes place when something is spoken of under a metaphor, and
+then expressions applicable to that thing are transferred to that to
+which it is compared. Passages in literature and oratory thus become
+unintentionally ludicrous. A dignitary, well known for his
+conversational and anecdotal powers, told me that he once heard a very
+flowery preacher exclaim, when alluding to the destruction of the
+Assyrian host. "Death, that mighty archer, mowed them all down with the
+besom of destruction." Another clergyman, equally fond of metaphor,
+enforced the consideration of the shortness of life in the words,
+"Remember, my brethren, we are fast sailing down the stream of life, and
+shall speedily be landed in the ocean of eternity."</p>
+
+<p>Johnson says that wit is "a <i>discordia concors</i>, a combination of
+dissimilar images, or discovery of occult resemblances in things
+apparently unlike." Many have considered that humour consists of
+contrast or comparison, and it is true that a large portion of it owes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span>
+much to attributes of relation. This kind of humorous complication is
+generally under the form of saying that a thing is <i>like</i>
+something&mdash;from which it is essentially different&mdash;merely because of the
+existence of some accidental similitude. There are many kinds and
+degrees of this, and some points of resemblance may be found in all
+things. We say "one man is like another," "a man may make himself like a
+brute," &amp;c. Similitudes in minute detail may be pointed out in things
+widely different; and from this range of significations the word <i>like</i>
+has been most prolific of humour. It properly means, a real and
+essential likeness, and to use it in any other sense, is to employ it
+falsely. But our amusement is greatly increased when associations are
+violated, and much amusement may by made by showing there is some
+considerable likeness between two objects we have been accustomed to
+regard as very far apart. The smaller the similarity pointed out the
+slighter is the chain which connects the distant objects, and the less
+we are inclined to laugh. But the more we draw the objects together, the
+greater is the complication and the humour. We are then inclined to
+associate the qualities of the one with the other, and a succession of
+grotesque images is suggested backwards and forwards, before the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span>
+amusement ceases. One principal reason why the mention of a drunken man,
+a tailor, or a lover, inclines us to mirth, is that they are associated
+in our minds with absurd actions. Laughter is generally greatest when we
+are intimately acquainted with the person against whom it is directed.
+We have often noticed the absurd effect produced in literature when
+words are used which, although suitable to the subject literally, are
+remote from it in association. The extreme subtlety of these feelings
+render it impossible sometimes to give any explanation of the ideas upon
+which a humorous saying is founded, and may be noticed in many words,
+the bearings of which we can feel, but not specify. A vast number of
+thoughts and emotions are always passing through the mind, many of them
+being so fine that we cannot detect them. The results of some of them
+can be traced as we have before observed in the proficiency which is
+acquired by practice but can never be imparted by mere verbal
+instruction.</p>
+
+<p>If things compared together are given too slight a connection, the
+associations will not be transferred from one to the other, and the wit
+fails, as in Cowley's extravagant fancy work on the basis of his
+mistress' eyes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span> being like burning-glasses. The objects must also be
+far enough apart for contrast&mdash;the farther the better, provided the
+distance be not so great as to change humour into the ludicrous.
+Referring to the desirability of a good literal translation of Homer,
+Beattie makes the following amusing comparisons.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Something of this kind the world had reason to expect from Madame
+Dacier, but was disappointed. Homer, as dressed out by that lady,
+has more of the Frenchman in his appearance than of the old
+Grecian. His beard is close shaved, his hair powdered, and there is
+even a little <i>rouge</i> on his cheek. To speak more intelligibly, his
+simple and nervous diction is often wire-drawn into a flashy and
+feeble paraphrase, and his imagery as well as humour, sometimes
+annihilated by abbreviation. Nay, to make him the more modish, the
+good lady is at pains to patch up his style with unnecessary
+phrases and flourishes in the French taste, which have just such an
+effect in a translation of Homer, as a bag-wig, and snuff-box would
+have in a picture of Achilles."</p></div>
+
+<p>In parody a slight likeness in form and expression brings together ideas
+with very different associations. Several instances of this may be found
+in a preceding chapter. By increasing points of similarity between
+distant objects, poetry may be changed into humour. Addison remarks that
+"If a lover declare that his mistress' breast is as white as snow, he
+makes a commonplace observation, but when he adds with a sigh, that it
+is as cold too, he approaches to wit." The former simile is only
+poetical, but the latter draws the comparison<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span> too close, the
+complication becomes too strong, and we feel inclined to laugh. Addison
+merely notices the number of points of similitude, but the reason they
+produce or augment humour, is that they make the solution difficult.</p>
+
+<p>When it is easy to limit and disentangle the likeness and unlikeness,
+the pleasantry is small, as where Butler says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The sun had long since, in the lap</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of Thetis, taken out his nap,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And, like a lobster boiled, the moon</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From black to red began to turn."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Here there is no element of truth&mdash;the things are too far apart. A
+humorous comparison should not be entirely fanciful, and without basis;
+otherwise we should have no complication.</p>
+
+<p>Many humorous sayings, especially those found in comic papers, fail for
+want of foundation. That would-be wit which has no element of truth is
+always a failure, and may appear romantic, dull or ludicrous&mdash;or simply
+nonsensical. As in a novel, the more pure invention there is the duller
+we find it, so here the more like truth, the error appears the better.
+The finer the balance, the nearer doubt is approached, provided it be
+not reached, the more excellent and artistic the humour. Gross
+exaggeration is not humorous. There is too much of this extravagant and
+spurious<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span> humour in the comic literature of the day. "Many men," writes
+Addison, "if they speak nonsense believe they are talking humour; and
+when they have drawn together a scheme of absurd inconsistant ideas are
+not able to read it over to themselves without laughing. These poor
+gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves the reputation of wits and
+humorists by such monstrous conceits as almost qualify them for Bedlam,
+not considering that humour should be always under the check of reason."
+There is nothing pleasant in nonsense. In both humour and the ludicrous
+the imperfection must refer to some kind of right or truth, and revolve,
+as it were, round a fixed axis. "To laugh heartily we must have
+reality," writes Marmontel, and it is remarkable that most good comic
+situations have been taken from the author's own experience. The best
+kind of humour is the most artistic embellishment of the ludicrous.</p>
+
+<p>The fact that humour is often found in comparisons, probably led L&eacute;on
+Dumont to consider that it arose from the meeting of two opposite ideas
+in the mind. But often there is no contrast. It does not always strike
+us that the state of things present before us is different from some
+other clearly defined condition. We do not necessarily see that a thing
+is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span> wrong as differing from something else, but as opposing some
+standard in our minds which it is often difficult to determine. We
+sometimes laugh at another person's costume, though it does not occur to
+us that he should be dressed as ourselves, or according to some
+particular fashion, nor could we point out at what precise point it
+diverges from the code of propriety. But by reflecting we could probably
+mark the deviation. The ludicrous often suggests comparisons; when we
+see something absurd we often try to find a resemblance to something
+else, but this is after we have been amused, and we sometimes say of a
+very ridiculous man, that we "do not know what he is like."</p>
+
+<p>Humorous complications appear under many forms and disguises. The
+Americans have lately introduced an indifferent kind of it under the
+form of an ellipse&mdash;an omission of some important matter. Thus, the
+editor of a Western newspaper announces that if any more libels are
+published about him, there will be several first class funerals in his
+neighbourhood. Again, "An old Maine woman undertook to eat a gallon of
+oysters for one hundred dollars. She gained fifteen&mdash;the funeral costing
+eighty-five." Another common form of humorous complication is taking an
+expression in a different sense from that it usually bears.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span> "You cannot
+eat your cake, and have your cake;" "But how," asks the wilful child,
+"am I to eat my cake, if I don't have it?" Thackeray speaks of a young
+man who possessed every qualification for success&mdash;except talent and
+industry.</p>
+
+<p>In many other common forms of speech there are openings for specious
+amendments, sometimes for real ones, especially in ironical expressions.
+But as in pronunciation we regard usage rather than etymology, so in
+sense the true meaning is not the literal or grammatical, but the
+conventional. Much indifferent humour is made of question and
+answer;&mdash;the reply being given falsely, as if the interrogation were put
+in a different sense from that intended, an occasion for the quibble
+being given by some loose or perhaps literal meaning of the words. Thus,
+"Have you seen Patti?" <i>A.</i> "Yes." <i>Q.</i> "What in?" <i>A.</i> "A brougham."</p>
+
+<p>Indelicacy or irreverence is unpleasant in itself, and yet when
+complication is added to it few of us can avoid laughing, and I am
+afraid that some considerably enjoy objectionable allusions. To tell a
+man to go to h&mdash;, or that he deserves to go there, is merely coarse and
+profane abuse, but when a labourer is found by an irritable country
+gentleman piling up a heap of stones in front of his house, and being<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span>
+rated for causing such an obstruction, asks where else he is to take
+them, and is told "to h&mdash; if you like," we are amused at the
+answer&mdash;"Indeed, then, if I was to take them to heaven, they'd be more
+out of your way." Thus, also, to call a man an ass would not win a smile
+from most of us, but we relax a little when the writers in a high church
+periodical, addicted to attacking Mr. Spurgeon, upon being accused of
+being actuated by envy, retort that they know the commandment&mdash;"Thou
+shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass."</p>
+
+<p>If we examine carefully the circumstances which awaken the ludicrous, we
+shall probably come to conclude that they often contain something which
+puzzles our understanding. An act which seems ridiculous would not
+appear so if we could entirely account for it, for instance, if it were
+done to win a bet. There seems to be in the ludicrous not merely some
+error in the taste brought before us, but something which we can
+scarcely believe to be the case. This alone would account for some
+variation, for what seems unintelligible to the ignorant seems plain to
+the educated, and what puzzles the well-informed raises no question
+among the inexperienced. The ludicrous depends upon that kind of
+intellectual twilight which is the lot of man here below. Were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span> our
+knowledge perfect we should no more laugh than angelic beings,<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> were
+it final we should be as grave as the lower animals. Humour exists where
+the faculties are not fully developed, and our capacities are beyond our
+attainments, but fails where the mind has reached its limit, or feels no
+forward impulse. Study and high education are adverse to mirth, because
+the mind becomes impressed with the universality of law and order, and
+when learned men are merry, they are so mostly from being of genial or
+sympathetic natures. Density and dullness of intelligence are also
+unfavourable to humour from the absence of sensibility and
+generalization. We find that those whose experience is imperfect are
+most inclined to mirth. This is the reason why children, especially
+those of the prosperous classes, are so full of merriment. They are not
+only highly emotional, but have inquiring and progressive minds, while
+their experience being small, and generalization imperfect, they see
+much that appears strange and perplexing to them; but their laughter is
+never hearty as in the case of those whose views are more formed.<a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Exaggeration always contains either falsity, or complication, and when
+it is used for humour the deficiency is made up. It easily affords
+amusement, because it can bring together the most distant and discordant
+ideas. American wits have made great use of it. Thus we read of a man
+driving his gig at such a pace along the high road that his companion,
+looking at the mile stones, asked what cemetery they were passing
+through? One of the same country described the extent of his native land
+in the following terms: "It is bounded on the North by the Aurora
+Borealis, on the South by the Southern Cross, on the East by the rising
+sun, and on the West by the Day of Judgment." The same may be said of
+diminution which is only humorous when connecting distant ideas. In "The
+Man of Taste," a poem, by the Rev. T. Bramstone in Dodsley's collection,
+we read&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"My hair I'll powder in the women's way,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And dress and talk of dressing more than they;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'll please the maids of honour if I can,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Without black velvet breeches&mdash;what is man?"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Longinus, says, "He was possessor of a field as small as a Laced&aelig;monian
+letter." Their letters often consisted only of two or three words.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span> A
+gentleman I met on one occasion in a train, speaking of a lady friend,
+observed&mdash;"She's very small, but what there is of her is very, very
+good. Why, she'd go into that box," pointing to one for sandwiches.
+"She's not bigger than that umbrella. 'Pon my honour as a gentleman,
+she's not."</p>
+
+<p>Humour, by means of the perplexity it produces, often gains the victory
+over strong emotions. This fact has been practically recognised by
+orators, who see that when a man is struck by a humorous allusion,
+powerful feelings which could not otherwise be swayed give way, and even
+firm resolutions seem for the moment shaken and changed. We are bribed
+by our desire for pleasure, and a man thus often seems to sympathise
+with those he really opposes and can even be made to laugh at
+himself&mdash;strong antagonistic sensations and emotions being conquered by
+complexity. To most persons nothing can be more solemn than the thought
+of death, except its actual presence; but Theramenes was light-hearted
+when the hemlock bowl was presented to him, and drinking it off could
+not, as he threw out the dregs, resist exclaiming "To the health of the
+lovely Critias."<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> Sir Thomas More was jocose upon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span> the scaffold.
+Baron G&ouml;rz, when being led to death, said to his cook&mdash;"It's all over
+now, my friend, you will never cook me a good supper again." The poet
+Kleist, who was killed in the battle of Kunersdorf, was seized with a
+violent fit of laughter just before he expired, when he thought of the
+extraordinary faces a Cossack, who had been plundering him, made over
+the prize he had found. In the same way a lady told me that a friend of
+hers, having had a severe fall from his horse, drew a caricature of the
+accident while the litter was being prepared for him. Scarron was
+constantly in bodily suffering; and Norman Macleod wrote some humorous
+verses "On Captain Frazer's Nose" when he was enduring such violent pain
+that he spent the night in his study, and had occasionally to bend over
+the back of a chair for relief.</p>
+
+<p>Charles Mathews retained his love of humour to the last. I have heard
+that, when dying at Plymouth, he ordered himself to be laid out as if
+dead. The doctor on entering exclaimed, "Poor fellow, he's gone! I knew
+he would not last long," and was just leaving the room with some sad
+reflections, when he heard the lamented man chuckling under the sheet.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, also, a German General relates that after a skirmish a French
+hussar was brought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span> in with a huge slash across his face. "Have you
+received a sabre cut, my poor fellow?" asked the General. "Pooh, I was
+shaved too closely this morning," was the reply. Something may be
+attributed in such cases to nervous excitement, which seeks relief in
+some counteraction. Mr. Hardy observes that there appears to be always a
+superficial film of consciousness which is left disengaged and open to
+the notice of trifles.</p>
+
+<p>Addison says that false humour differs from true, as a monkey does from
+a man. He goes on to say that false humour is given to little apish
+tricks, and buffooneries. Now the reason why Addison and cultivated men
+in general do not laugh at buffooneries and place them in the catalogue
+of false humour, is simply because they do not present to their minds
+any complication. When harlequin knocks the clown and pantaloon over on
+their backs, "the gods" burst with laughter, unable to understand the
+catastrophe, but those who have seen such things often, and consider
+that men make a living by such tricks, see nothing at all strange in it,
+remain grave and perhaps wearied. It was the want of complication that
+probably prevented Uncle Shallow from complying with the simple
+Slender's request to "Tell Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole
+two geese out of a pen."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It may be almost unnecessary to observe that all errors in taste are not
+ludicrous. "Tea-boardy" pictures do not make us laugh, we only attribute
+them to unskilful artists, of whom unfortunately there are too many. Nor
+is the ludicrous to be classed under the head of taste; very often that
+which awakens it offers no violence to our &aelig;sthetic sensibilities. It is
+true that in Art, that which appears ludicrous will always be
+distasteful, for it will offend the eye or ear, but it is something
+more, and we occasionally speak as though it were outside taste
+altogether. Thus when we see some very evident failure in a sketch, we
+say "this is a most wretched work, and out of all drawing," and add as a
+climax of disapprobation "It is perfectly ridiculous." A violation of
+taste is never sufficient for the ludicrous, and the ludicrous is not
+always a violation of taste.</p>
+
+<p>There is something in humour beyond what is merely unexpected. I
+remember a physician telling me that a gentleman objected very much to
+some prescriptions given to his wife, and wanted some quack medicines
+tried. The doctor opposed him, and on the gentleman calling on him and
+telling him he was unfit for his profession, there was an open rupture
+between them, and they cut each other in the street. Not long afterwards
+the gentleman died, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span> left him a legacy of &pound;500. The doctor could not
+help being amused at the bequest under such circumstances, though, had
+it come equally unexpectedly from a mere stranger, he would have been
+merely surprised.</p>
+
+<p>In some humorous sayings we find several different complications, which
+increase the force. Coincidences of this kind not only add to, but
+multiply humour in which when of a high class the complexity is very
+subtle. It has much increased since ancient times, there was a large
+preponderance of emotion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XXII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Imperfection&mdash;An Impression of Falsity implied&mdash;Two Views taken by
+Philosophers&mdash;Firstly that of Voltaire, Jean Paul, Brown, the German
+Idealists, L&eacute;on Dumont, Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and
+Dugald Stewart&mdash;Whately on Jests&mdash;Nature of Puns&mdash;Effect of Custom and
+Habit&mdash;Accessory Emotion&mdash;Disappointment and Loss&mdash;Practical Jokes.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>Although a distinction can be drawn in humour between the sense of wrong
+and the complication which accompanies it, still, as in any given case,
+the two flow out of the same circumstances, there seems to be some
+indissoluble link between them. It is not necessary to say that the
+sense of the ludicrous is a compound feeling, to maintain that it has
+the appearance of containing or being connected with something like a
+feeling of disapprobation.</p>
+
+<p>Moreover, all the elements contained must be perfectly fused together
+before the ludicrous can be appreciated, just as Sir T. Macintosh
+observes of Beauty, "Until all the separate pleasures which create it be
+melted into one&mdash;as long as any of them are discerned and felt<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span> as
+distinct from each other&mdash;qualities which gratify are not called by the
+name of Beauty," and when we say that the humour consists of an emotion
+awakened by an exercise of judgment, we do not pretend to determine how
+far the emotion has been modified by judgment, and judgment directed by
+emotion.</p>
+
+<p>We cannot properly suppose that there is anything really wrong in
+external objects brought before us, and did we recognise that everything
+moves in a regular pre-ordained course, we should be obliged to consider
+everything right, and conclude that the error we observe is imaginary,
+and flows from our own false standard. We do so with regard to the
+so-called works of Nature, and, therefore, we never laugh at a rock or a
+tree&mdash;no matter how strange its form. But in the general circumstances
+brought before us the reign of law is not so clear, especially when they
+depend on the actions of men, which we feel able to pronounce judgment
+upon, and condemn when opposed to our ideal. In humorous representations
+we are actually beholding what is false; in ludicrous we think we are,
+though we cannot avoid at times detecting some infirmity in our own
+discernment. Thus, in the case of a child's puzzle, a person unable to
+solve it sometimes exclaims, "How dull I am! I ought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span> to be able to do
+it," and people occasionally find fault with their senses, as we
+sometimes see them laughing when dazzled by rapidly revolving colours.
+Such instances may suggest to us that the fault we find really
+originates in our own obtuseness.</p>
+
+<p>But before proceeding, we must allow that philosophers and literary men
+are divided in opinion as to the existence of any feeling of wrong in
+the ludicrous. Voltaire, tilting against the windmills which the old
+animosity school had set up, observes, "When I was eleven years old, I
+read all alone for the first time the 'Amphitryon' of Moli&egrave;re, and I
+laughed until I was on the point of falling down. Was this from
+hostility?&mdash;one is not hostile when alone!" This will not seem to most
+of us more conclusive reasoning than that of his opponents. We seldom
+laugh when alone, although we often feel angry.</p>
+
+<p>Dryden says "Wit is a propriety of words and thoughts adapted to the
+subject," and Pope gives us a similar opinion in the following words&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"True wit is nature to advantage dressed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Something whose truth convinced at sight we find.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That gives us back the image to our mind."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Taking this view of the subject, we should be inclined to think the
+Psalms of David<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> especially witty, and to agree with the pretentious
+young lady who, being asked what she thought of Euclid, replied at a
+hazard that "It was the wittiest book she had ever read." But it seems
+probable from other passages in Pope's works that he did not here intend
+to give a full definition, but only some characteristics. Moreover, in
+former times, Wit was not properly distinguished from Wisdom, and the
+above authors probably used the word in the old sense. Young says,
+"Well-judging wit is a flower of wisdom," to which we may reply in the
+words of an old proverb, "Wit and Wisdom, like the seven stars, are
+seldom found together."</p>
+
+<p>Brown, in his lectures on "The Human Understanding," observes that in
+the ludicrous we do not condemn, but admire, and he cites as an
+illustration the case of some friends dining at an hotel. Boniface
+smilingly inquires what wine they would like to drink. One says
+Champagne, another Claret, another Burgundy, but the last one observes
+knowingly that he should like that best for which he should not have to
+pay. Now in this there is certainly a fault, for the answer is not
+applicable to the question. Brown's theory is that the ludicrous arises
+from the contemplation of incongruities, and he finds himself somewhat
+puzzled when he considers that the incongruities in science<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span>&mdash;in
+chemistry, for instance&mdash;do not make us laugh. He is at some trouble to
+explain that the importance of the subject renders us serious. But had
+he recognised the fact that the ludicrous implies condemnation, he would
+have seen that we could not be amused at incongruities in science,
+because we have a strong conviction that they are not real but only
+apparent. Some very ignorant persons, as he observes, do occasionally
+laugh at philosophic truths. I knew a lady who laughed at being told of
+the great distance of the planets, and a gentleman assured me that a
+friend of his, a man who had such shrewdness that he rose from the
+lowest ranks and acquired &pound;100,000, would never believe that the earth
+was round!</p>
+
+<p>Jean Paul, taking the same admiration view, observes that "women laugh
+more than men, and the haughty Turk not at all." But are not these facts
+referable to comparative excitability and apathy, and also to the
+multiplicity and variety of female ideas compared with the dulness of
+the Moslem's apprehension. Jean Paul proceeds to say that the more
+people laugh at our joke, the better we are pleased, and that this does
+not seem as though the enjoyment came from a feeling of triumph. But
+what is really laughed at is the humour, and not the humorist, and as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span> a
+man wishes the beauty of a poem he has written to be generally
+acknowledged, so he desires to see the point of his satire appreciated
+by as many as possible.</p>
+
+<p>A fruitful source of error in the investigation of humour arises from
+the difficulty in determining where it lies&mdash;of localizing it, if I may
+be allowed the expression. We hear a very amusing observation, and at
+once join heartily in the laugh, but cannot say whether we are laughing
+at a circumstance or a person, at a representation or a reality.</p>
+
+<p>We come now to the most important authority on this side of the
+question. The systems which the German philosophers have propounded are
+more serviceable to themselves than edifying to the ordinary reader.
+High abstractions afford but a very vague and indefinite idea to the
+mind, nor can their application be fully understood but by those who
+have ascended the successive stages by which each philosopher has
+himself mounted. On the present subject, their opinions seem to have
+been influenced by their views on other subjects. As we have already
+observed, Kant and several of the leading German idealists are in favour
+of considering the ludicrous as a "resolution" or a "deliverance of the
+absolute, captive by the finite," an opinion which reminds us of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span>
+Hobbes' old theory of "glorying over others." The difference between
+their views and that of most authorities is not so great as it at first
+appears; they admit a "negation" of truth and beauty, but found the
+ludicrous, not upon this, but upon the rebirth which follows. This step
+in advance, taken in accordance with their general philosophy, may be
+correct, but it does not seem warranted by the mere examination of the
+subject itself. Can we say that at the instant of laughter we regard not
+that something is wrong, but that the reverse of it is right? When
+humour is brought before us, do we feel in any way instructed? This
+rebirth from a negation must seem somewhat visionary. What, for
+instance, is the truth to be gathered from the following. "I wish," said
+a philanthropic orator, "to be a friend to the friendless, a father to
+the fatherless, and a widow to the widowless."</p>
+
+<p>Probably, the philosopher who formed the rebirth theory had looked at
+ludicrous events rather than humorous stories&mdash;and it may be urged that
+we laugh at the former when we are set right, and are convinced of
+having been really mistaken. But at the moment what excites mirth is
+something that seems wrong. We meet a friend, for instance, in a place
+where we little expected to see him, and perhaps<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span> smile at the meeting.
+Had we known all his movements we should not have been thus surprised,
+but we were ignorant of them. Here we may say our views are corrected,
+and our amusement comes from a resolution or rebirth. But reflection
+will show that whatever our final conclusion may be, we laugh at what
+seems to us, at the moment, unaccountable and wrong; and as soon as we
+begin to correct ourselves, and to see how the event occurred, our
+merriment disappears.</p>
+
+<p>Many instances will occur to us in which what is really right may appear
+wrong. Most of us have heard the proverb "If the day is fine take an
+umbrella, if it rains do as you like." It may give good advice, but we
+should be much inclined to laugh at anyone who adopted it.</p>
+
+<p>L&eacute;on Dumont, the latest writer who has added considerably to our
+knowledge on this subject, does not admit the existence of imperfection
+in the ludicrous. But the arguments which he adduces do not seem to be
+conclusive. He says, for instance, that we laugh at love and amatory
+adventures because they abound in deceptions! But deception always
+implies ignorance or falsity, and the extravagant phraseology of love,
+the fanciful names, the griefs and ecstasies, are not only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span> ridiculous
+in themselves, but lead us to regard lovers generally as bereft of
+reason.</p>
+
+<p>Dumont observes, in support of his theory, that "when a small man bobs
+his head in passing under a door, we laugh." But if a puppet or a
+pantaloon were to do so we should scarcely be amused, for we could
+account for it, and see nothing wrong in his action. He goes on to ask
+how the other view is applicable in the case of Ariosto's father, who
+rates his son at the very moment when the latter is wanting a model of
+an enraged parent to complete his comedy. It is our general idea that
+the anger of a father is something alarming and painful to endure, but
+here we see it regarded as a most fortunate occurrence. The man is
+producing the contrary effect to what he supposes, he is not effecting
+what he is intending; here is a strange kind of failure or ignorance.
+Suppose we had known that the father was only simulating anger, we
+should probably not have laughed, or if we were amused, it would be at
+Ariosto's expense, who was being deceived in his model of parental
+indignation.</p>
+
+<p>L&eacute;on Dumont defines the laughable to be that of which the mind is forced
+to affirm and to deny the same thing at the same time. He attributes it
+to two distant ideas being brought together. We might thus conclude that
+there<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span> was something droll in such expressions as "eyes of fire," "lips
+of dew."</p>
+
+<p>Everyone is aware that humour is generally evanescent, the feeling goes
+almost as soon as it arrives; and the same spell, if repeated, has lost
+its charm. It may be said that all repetition is, in its nature,
+wearisome, because it is not in accordance with the progress of the
+human mind, but we must admit that it is less damaging to poetry in
+which there is a perpetual spring and rebirth, and to proverbs which
+have ever fresh and useful application.</p>
+
+<p>"Nothing," writes Amelot, "pleases less than a perpetual pleasantry,"
+and we all know that a jest-book is dull reading. Humour seems the more
+fugitive, because we do not know by what means to reproduce and continue
+it. We can, almost at will, call up emotions of love, hatred or sorrow,
+and when we feel them we can aggravate them to any extent, but humour is
+not thus under our command. We cannot invent or summon it. When we have
+heard a "good thing" said, we shall find that the mere repetition of the
+words originally uttered are more fully successful in reproducing and
+prolonging our mirth than all the attempts we usually make to develop it
+and come closer to the point. Sydney Smith was of opinion that much
+might be effected by perseverance,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span> and this is the reason that he was
+often guilty of that bad and overstrained wit which led Lord Brougham to
+call him "too much of a Jack pudding."</p>
+
+<p>We cannot by calculation and design produce anything worthy of the name
+of humour. It is generally true that any kind of reflection is inimical
+to it. But no doubt the great cause of its evanescence is that it leads
+to nothing, and adds nothing to our information. The most fleeting
+humour is that which is on unimportant subjects, as in comic poems and
+squibs, which may show considerable ingenuity, but have no interest. It
+is the nugatory and negative character of humour that makes it so
+short-lived. Hence, also, it is best at intervals, and in small
+quantities. The fact that when any attempt is made to explain a jest and
+glean any information from it the humour vanishes, seems much opposed to
+its containing any principle of rebirth.</p>
+
+<p>Many of the philosophers, who have discarded the idea of there being
+condemnation in the ludicrous, have been misled either by not
+distinguishing between the ludicrous and the gift of humour, or by
+regarding the grain of truth which is imbedded in all wit as the entire
+or principal cause of our amusement. To form the complication necessary
+for humorous say<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span>ings there must be, of course, some element of truth to
+oppose the falsity in them. The course in forming witty sayings is
+generally the following. We remark some real resemblance between things
+which has hitherto been unnoticed. We then, upon this foundation, make a
+false statement, deriving so much colour from the truth that we cannot
+easily disengage one from the other. The resemblance must be something
+striking and unusual, or it would not support a statement which opposes
+our ordinary experience. As in the ludicrous there is reality, so in
+humour there must be some element of truth, or we should regard the
+invention as simple falsehood. To this extent we are prepared to agree
+with Boileau that "the basis of all wit is truth," but the result and
+general impression it gives is falsity.</p>
+
+<p>Addison's Genealogy of Humour:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" width="40%" cellspacing="0" summary="Addison's Genealogy of Humour">
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='center'>Truth</td><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='center'>Good Sense</td><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='right'> Wit</td><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='left'>Mirth</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='center'>Humour</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+
+<p>at first seems to be erroneous, but he does not really mean to say that
+there is no falsehood in it, but that it does not approach nonsense, and
+often contains useful instruction.</p>
+
+<p>Holms exhibits the nature of humour in a passage remarkable for
+philosophy and elegance:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"There is a perfect consciousness in every kind of wit that its
+essence consists in a partial and incomplete view of whatever it
+touches. It throws a single ray separated from the rest, red,
+yellow, blue, or any intermediate shade upon an object, never white
+light. We get beautiful effects from wit, all the prismatic
+colours, but never the object is in fair daylight. Poetry uses the
+rainbow tints for special effects, but always its essential object
+is the purest white light of truth."</p></div>
+
+<p>Bacon went further, and considered that even the beauty of poetry and
+the pleasures of imagination were derived from falsehood.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"This truth is a naked and open daylight, which doth not show the
+masques and mummeries and triumphs of the world half so stately and
+daintily as candle light. Truth may perhaps come to the price of a
+pearl that showeth well by day, but it will not rise to the price
+of a diamond or carbuncle that shineth best in varied lights. A
+mixture of a lie doth ever add pleasure. Doth any man doubt that if
+there were taken out of men's minds vain opinions, flattering
+hopes, false valuations, imagination, and the like, but that it
+would leave the minds of a number of men poor shrunken things full
+of melancholy indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves."</p></div>
+
+<p>Mr. Dallas goes so far as to say that "it is impossible that laughter
+should be an unmixed pleasure, seeing it arises from some aspect of
+imperfection or discordance." The fact that many people would undergo
+almost any kind of suffering rather than be exposed to ridicule,
+indicates that it contains some very unpleasant reflection. We sometimes
+feel uncomfortable even when we hear laughter around us, the cause of
+which we do not know, fearing that we may be ourselves the object of
+it&mdash;even dogs dislike to be laughed at. Our ordinary modes of speech
+seem to point to some imperfection<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span> or error in humour, as when we say
+"there is many a true word spoken in jest," or "life is a jest,"
+signifying its unreality. Sometimes we say that an observation "must be
+a joke," implying that it is false. I have even heard of a man who never
+laughed at humour because he hated falsehood, and we sometimes say of an
+untrue statement that it must be taken with a "grain of salt."</p>
+
+<p>It is so very common for men to flinch under ridicule, that it is said
+to be a good test of courage. An old English poet says,</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"For he who does not tremble at the sword,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who quails not with his head upon the block,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Turn but a jest against him, loses heart.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The shafts of wit slip through the stoutest mail;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">There is no man alive that can live down</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The unextinguishable laughter of mankind."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Aristotle defines the ludicrous to be "a certain error and turpitude
+unattended with pain, and not destructive," a statement which may refer
+to moral or physical defects. Cicero and Quintilian, looking probably at
+satire, consider it to be mostly directed against the shortcomings and
+offences of men. Bacon in his "Silva Silvarum" says the objects of
+laughter are deformity, absurdity, and misfortune, in which we trace a
+certain severity, although he speaks of "jocular arts" as "deceptions of
+the senses," such as in masks, and other exhibitions, were much in
+fashion in his day. Descartes says<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span> that we only laugh at those whom we
+deem worthy of reproach; but Marmontel, the celebrated pupil of
+Voltaire, takes a view which bespeaks greater cultivation and a progress
+in society. "A fault in manner," he says, "is laughable; a false
+pretension is ridiculous, a situation which exposes vice to detestation
+is comic, a <i>bon mot</i> is pleasant."</p>
+
+<p>Dugald Stewart proceeds so far as almost to exclude vice, for he only
+specifies "slight imperfections in the character and manners, such as do
+not excite any moral indignation." He says that it is especially excited
+by affectation, hypocrisy, and vanity.</p>
+
+<p>We trace in these successive opinions of philosophers an improvement in
+humour, proportionate to the progress of mankind. As men of literature,
+they drew general conclusions, and from the higher and more cultivated
+classes, probably much from books. Had they taken a wider range, their
+catalogues would have been more comprehensive.</p>
+
+<p>But the amelioration we have traced is as much in the general tone of
+feeling as in humour itself, if not more. Bitter reflections upon the
+personal or moral defects of others are not so acceptable now as
+formerly; the "glorying" over the downfall of our neighbours is less
+common.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Thus we mark an improvement in the sentiments which accompany the
+ludicrous, and which many philosophers seem to have mistaken for the
+ludicrous itself. Neither hostility, indelicacy, nor profanity can
+create the ludicrous, but where they do not disgust they vivify and make
+it more effective. It will be observed that in all of them there is
+something we condemn and disapprove. The joy of gain and advantage was
+in very early times sufficient to quicken humour in that childlike mirth
+which flowed chiefly from delight and exultation, but the "laughter of
+pleasure" has passed away, perhaps we require something more keen or
+subtle in the maturer age of the world. The accessory emotions are not
+at present either so joyous or so offensive as they were in bygone
+times. The "faults in manners" of Marmontel, and the "slight
+imperfections" of Dugald Stewart, showed that the objectionable
+stimulants of the ludicrous were assuming a much milder form.</p>
+
+<p>From the views of Archbishop Whately set forth in his "Logic," we might
+suppose that pleasantries, although not devoid of falsity, were usually
+of a truly innocuous character&mdash;"Jests," he writes, "are mock fallacies,
+<i>i.e.</i> fallacies so palpable as not to be able to deceive anyone, but
+yet bearing just the resemblance of argument<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span> which is calculated to
+amuse by contrast." Farther on we read again: "There are several
+different kind of jokes and raillery, which will be found to correspond
+with the different kinds of fallacy." On this we may observe that some
+jests, generally of the "manufactured" class, are founded on a false
+logical process, but in most cases the error arises more from the matter
+than from the form, and often from mistakes of the senses. Although
+nearly every misconception may be represented under the form of false
+ratiocination, the imperfection almost always lies in one of the
+premises, and it is seldom that there is plainly a fault of argument in
+humour. If we claim everything as a fallacy of which there is no
+evidence, though there seems to be some, we shall embrace a large
+area&mdash;part of which is usually assigned to falsity, and if we consider
+every mistake to come from wrong deduction, we shall convict mankind of
+being so full of fallacies as not to be a rational, but a most illogical
+animal. Whately says, "The pun is evidently in most instances a mock
+argument founded on a palpable equivocation of the middle term&mdash;and
+others in like manner will be found to correspond to the respective
+fallacies."</p>
+
+<p>A pun is the nearest approach to a mere mock fallacy of form, and we see
+what poor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span> amusement it generally affords. To feign that because words
+have the same sound, they convey the same thoughts or meanings is a
+fiction as transparent as it is preposterous. A word is nothing but an
+arbitrary sign, and apart from the thought connected with it, it is an
+empty unmeaning sound. The link is too slight in puns, the disparity
+between the things they represent as similar, too great&mdash;there is too
+much falsity. The worst kind of them is where the words are unlike in
+spelling, and even somewhat so in sound, and where the same reference
+cannot be made to suit both. Such are puns of the "atrocious" or
+"villainous" class&mdash;a fertile source of bad riddles. For instance, "Why
+is an old shoe like ancient Greece?" "Because it had a sole on (Solon)."
+Here the words are very dissimilar and the allusion is imperfect&mdash;the
+description of an old shoe being wrong and forced.</p>
+
+<p>The founders of many of our great families have shown how much this kind
+of humour was once appreciated by using it in their mottoes. Thus Onslow
+has "<i>Festina lente</i>" and Vernon more happily "<i>Ver non semper floret</i>."
+Some puns are amusingly ingenious when the reference hinges well on both
+words, some additional verbal or other connection is shown, and the
+words are exactly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span> alike. When there are not two words, but one is used
+in two senses, there is still greater improvement. Thus the Rev. R. S.
+Hawker&mdash;a man of such medi&aelig;val tastes that he was claimed, falsely, I
+believe, as a Roman Catholic&mdash;made an apt reply to a nobleman who had
+told him in the heat of religious controversy that he would not be
+priest-ridden&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Priest-ridden thou! it cannot be</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By prophet or by priest,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Balaam is dead, and none but he</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Would choose thee for his beast!"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>We also consider that the mendicant deserved a coin, who, knowing the
+love of wit in Louis XIV., complained sadly to him, <i>Ton image est
+partout&mdash;except&eacute; dans ma poche</i>. In such cases the pun is sometimes
+transformed, for it only invariably exists where the words are equivocal
+and where the allusion is peculiarly applicable to the double meaning
+the falsity vanishes, and the verbal coincidence becomes an effective
+ornament of style. It has been so used by the most successful writers,
+and it is still under certain conditions approved; but more
+discrimination is required in such embellishments than was anciently
+necessary. And when the allusion becomes not only elegant but
+iridescent, reflecting beautiful and changing lights, it rises into
+poetical metaphor.</p>
+
+<p>Falsity is necessary to constitute a pun; if no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span> great identity is
+assumed between the two words, and they are not introduced in a somewhat
+strained manner, we do not consider the term applicable. If the use of
+merely similar words in sentences were to be so viewed, we should be
+constantly guilty of punning. Wordsworth was not guilty of a pun on that
+hot day in Germany when, his friends having given him some hock, a wine
+he detested, he exclaimed:</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"In Spain, that land of priests and apes</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The thing called wine doth come from grapes,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">But where flows down the lordly Rhine</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The thing called <i>gripes</i> doth come from wine."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>No doubt he intended to show a coincidence in coupling together two
+words of nearly the same sound, but he represented the two things
+signified as cause and effect, not as identical, so as to form a pun.</p>
+
+<p>The difference between poetical and humorous comparisons may be
+generally stated to be that the former are upward towards something
+superior, the latter downwards towards something inferior. Tennyson
+calls Maud a "queen rose," and when we sing&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 11em;">"Happy fair,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thine eyes are load stars, and thy tongue sweet air,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>the comparison is inspiring, but, when Washington Irving speaks of a
+"vinegar-faced woman," we feel inclined to laugh. There are, however,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span>
+exceptions to this rule. Socrates says that to compare a man to
+everything excellent is to insult him. Sometimes also a dwarf is
+compared to a giant for the purpose of calling attention to his
+insignificance. This is often seen in irony. So also, we at times laugh
+at the sagacity shown by the lower animals, which seems not so much to
+raise them in our estimation as to lower them by occasioning a
+comparison with the superior powers of man.</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes in comparisons between things very different, we cannot say
+one thing is not as good as another, but, with regard to a certain use,
+purpose, or design, there may be an evident inferiority. Thus
+comparisons are so often odious, that Wordsworth speaks of the blessing
+of being able to look at the world without making them. We may observe
+generally that when an idea is brought before us, which, instead of
+elevating and enlarging our previous conception, clashes and jangles
+with it, there is an approach towards the laughable.</p>
+
+<p>We cannot say that enthusiasm in Art or Science should not exist, and
+yet a manifestation of it seems absurd when we do not sympathise in it.
+The most amiable and beneficent of men, it has been remarked, "have
+always been a favourite subject of ridicule for the satirist and
+jester."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span> Personal deformities seem absurd to some, but those who have
+made them their study see nothing extraordinary in them. Sometimes our
+laughter shows us that something seems wrong, which our highest ideal
+would approve. I remember seeing an aged man tottering along a rough
+road in France, with a heavy bag of geese on his back. One of his
+countrymen, who by the way have not too much reverence for age, came
+behind him and jovially exclaimed, "<i>Courage, mon ami, vous &ecirc;tes sur le
+chemin de Paradis</i>." The old man ought to have been glad to have been on
+the road to heaven, but our laughter reminds us that most would prefer
+to stay on earth.</p>
+
+<p>It must be admitted that our feelings with regard to right and wrong are
+very shifting and changeable, and that we condemn others for doing what
+we should ourselves have done under the same circumstances. We have also
+an especial tendency to adopt the view that what we are accustomed to is
+right. We sometimes observe this in morals, where it causes a
+considerable amount of confusion, but it holds greater sway over such
+light matters as awaken the sense of the ludicrous. When anything is
+presented to us different from what we have been long accustomed to,
+unless it is evidently better, we are inclined to consider it worse. In
+the same way, things which at first we consider<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span> wrong, we finally come
+to think unobjectionable.</p>
+
+<p>In taste and our sense of the ludicrous, we find ourselves greatly under
+the influence of habit. What seems to be a logical error is often found
+to be merely something to which we are unaccustomed; thus the double
+negative, which sounds to us absurd and equivalent to an affirmation, is
+used in many languages merely to give emphasis.</p>
+
+<p>How ridiculous do the manners of our forefathers now seem, their
+pig-tails, powder, and patches, the large fardingales, and the stiff and
+pompous etiquette. I remember a gentleman, a staunch admirer of the old
+school, who, lamenting over the lounging and lolling of the present day,
+said that his grandmother, even when dying, refused to relax into a
+recumbent posture. She was sitting erect even to her very last hour, and
+when the doctor suggested to her that she would find herself easier in a
+reposing posture, she replied, "No, sir, I prefer to die as I am," and
+she breathed her last, sitting bolt upright in her high-backed chair. So
+great indeed is the power of custom that it almost leads us to view
+artificial things as natural productions&mdash;to commit as great an error as
+that of the African King who said that "England must be a fine country,
+where the rivers flow with rum."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Speaking theoretically, we may say that the opposition of either custom
+or morale is sufficient to extinguish the ludicrous, and that we do not
+laugh at what is wrong if we are used to it; or at what is unusual if we
+think it right. When there is a collision, we may regard the two as
+neutralizing each other. Still, for this to hold good, neither must
+predominate, and it will practically be found from the constitution of
+our minds, a small amount of custom will overcome a considerable amount
+of morale. In illustration of the above remarks, we might appropriately
+refer to those strange articles of wearing apparel called hats, the
+shape of which might suggest to those unaccustomed to them, that we were
+carrying some culinary utensil upon our head; and yet, if we saw a
+gentleman walking about bare-headed, like the Ancients, we should feel
+inclined to laugh.<a name="FNanchor_24_24" id="FNanchor_24_24"></a><a href="#Footnote_24_24" class="fnanchor">[24]</a> But we will rather consider the recent fashion of
+wearing expanded dresses&mdash;those extraordinary "evening bells" which,
+until lately, occupied so much public attention, and consumed so many
+tons of iron. An octogenarian who could remember the tight skirts at the
+end of Queen Charlotte's reign, and had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span> formed his taste upon that
+model, might have laughed heartily, if not too much offended at the
+change. But by degrees, custom would have asserted its sway to such an
+extent that, although he did not approve of them, they would not provoke
+his mirth; and yet, when he saw some of the ladies re-introducing tight
+dresses, he might not be able to laugh at them, as he still retained his
+early notions with regard to their propriety. But most of us are so
+influenced by the fashion of the day in dress, that the rights of the
+case would not have prevented our laughing at the shrimp-like appearance
+of those who first tried to bring in the present reform, and perhaps
+some of the stanch supporters of the more natural style could not have
+quite maintained their gravity, had one of their antiquated ideals been
+suddenly introduced among the wide-spreading ladies of the late period.</p>
+
+<p>To take another illustration. It would perhaps be in accordance with our
+highest desires that instinct should approach to reason as nearly as
+possible, and that all animals should act in the most judicious and
+beneficial way. Naturalists would be inclined to agree in this, and if
+this were the view we adopted, we should not laugh at dogs showing signs
+of intelligence; neither should we at their acting irrationally,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span>
+because experience teaches us that they are not generally guided by
+reflection. But most of us are accustomed to consider reason the
+prerogative and peculiarity of man. And if we take the view that the
+lower animals have it not, we shall be inclined to smile when any of
+them show traces of it&mdash;any such exhibition seeming out of place, and
+leading us to compare them with men. But when we are accustomed to see a
+monkey taking off his hat, or playing a tambourine, or even smoking a
+pipe, we by degrees see nothing laughable in the performance.</p>
+
+<p>As our emotions are only excited with reference to human affairs, some
+have thought that all laughter must refer to them. Pope says, "Laughter
+implies censure, inanimate and irrational beings are not objects of
+censure, and may, therefore, be elevated as much as you please, and no
+ridicule follows." Addison writes to the same purpose. His words
+are:&mdash;"I am afraid I shall appear too abstract in my speculations if I
+shew that when a man of wit makes us laugh, it is by betraying some
+address or infirmity in his own character, or in the representation he
+makes of others, and that when we laugh at a brute, or even at an
+inanimate thing, it is by some action or incident that bears a remote
+analogy to some blunder<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span> or absurdity in reasonable creatures." It may
+be questioned whether we always go so far as to institute this
+comparison. Ludicrous events and circumstances seem often such as the
+individuals concerned have no control over whatever, and betray no
+infirmity. When we see a failure in a work of art, do we always think of
+the artist? A lady told me last autumn that when she was walking in a
+country town with her Italian greyhound, which was dressed in a red coat
+to protect it from cold, the tradespeople and most others passed it
+without notice, or merely with a passing word of commendation; but, on
+meeting a country bumpkin, he pointed to it, burst out laughing, and
+said, "Look at that daug, why, it's all the world like a littl' oss."
+Beattie thinks that the derision is not necessarily aimed at human
+beings, and probably it is not directly, but indirectly there seems to
+be some reference to man. L&eacute;on Dumont tells us that he once laughed on
+hearing a clap of thunder; it was in winter, and it seemed out of place
+that it should occur in cold weather. There can be nothing legitimately
+ludicrous in such occurrences. But, perhaps, <i>lusus natur&aelig;</i> are not
+regarded as truly natural. Of course, they are really so, but not to us,
+for we have an ideal variously obtained of how Nature ought to act, and
+thus a man is able for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span> the moment to imagine that something produced by
+Nature is not natural&mdash;just as we sometimes speak of "unnatural
+weather." But we seldom or ever laugh at such phenomena.</p>
+
+<p>We all have a certain resemblance to the old Athenians in wishing to
+hear something new. It generally pleases, and always impresses us.
+Novelty is in proportion to our ignorance, and can scarcely be said to
+exist at all absolutely, for although there is some change always in
+progress, it advances too slowly and certainly to produce anything
+startling or exciting. Novelty especially affects us with regard to the
+ludicrous, and some have, therefore, hastily concluded that it is
+sufficient to awaken this feeling.</p>
+
+<p>The strength and vividness of new emotions and impressions are
+especially traceable in their outward demonstrations. A very slight
+change occurring suddenly will often cause an ejaculation of alarm or
+admiration, especially among those of nervous temperament; but upon a
+repetition the excitement is less, and the nerves are scarcely affected.
+This peculiar law of the nervous system will account for the absence of
+laughter on the relation of any old or well-known story. Both pleasure
+and facial action are absent; but when we no longer feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span> the emotion of
+humour, we still have some notion that certain ideas awakened it, and
+would still do so under favourable circumstances,&mdash;that is when persons
+first conceived them. Here then we can recognise humour apart from
+novelty; but it is dead, its magic is no more. On the same principle, to
+laugh before telling a good story lessens its force, just as to break
+gradually melancholy tidings enables the recipient to bear them better.
+But nothing so effectually damps mirth as to premise that we are going
+to say something very laughable. Bacon observes, "Ipsa titillatio si
+pr&aelig;moneas non magnopere in risum valet." Novelty is necessary to produce
+what Akenside felicitously calls "the gay surprise," but they are wrong
+who maintain that this is the essence of the ludicrous. An ingenious
+suggestion has been made that the reason why we cannot endure the
+repetition of a humorous story is that on a second relation the element
+of falsehood becomes too strong in proportion to that of truth. Such an
+explanation can scarcely be correct, for in many instances people would
+not be able to show what was the falsity contained. A man may often form
+a correct judgment as to the general failure of an attempt, without
+being able to show how it could be corrected. Probably after having<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span>
+heard a humorous story once we are prepared for something whimsical, and
+are therefore less affected on its repetition.</p>
+
+<p>We have already observed that certain emotions and states of mind are
+adverse to the ludicrous, and we now pass on to those which, like
+novelty, are favourable to it and have been at times considered elements
+of the ludicrous, but are really only concomitant and accessory. As we
+have observed, indelicacy, profanity, or a hostile joy at the downfall
+or folly of others is not in itself humorous. Pleasantry without pungent
+seasoning may be seen in those "facetious" verbal conceits which our
+American cousins, and especially "yours trooly," Artemus Ward, have been
+fond of framing. But accessory emotions are necessary to render humour
+demonstrative. They are generally unamiable, censorious, or otherwise
+offensive, perhaps in keeping with the disapproval excited by falsity.
+In some cases the two feelings of wrong are almost inextricably
+connected, but in others we can separate them without much difficulty.</p>
+
+<p>In the following instances the presence of an accessory emotion can
+easily be traced:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'What have you brought me there?' asks a French publisher of a young
+author, who advances with a long roll under his arm. 'Is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span> it a
+manuscript?' 'No, Sir,' replies the man of letters, pompously, 'a
+fortune!' 'Oh, a fortune! Take it to the publisher opposite, he is
+poorer than I am.'"</p>
+
+<p>(The disappointment of the author here adds considerably to our
+amusement at the ingenious answer of the publisher.)</p>
+
+<p>Two men, attired as a bishop and chaplain, entered one of the great
+jewellery establishments in Bond Street and asked to be shown some
+diamond rings. The bishop selected one worth a hundred pounds, but said
+he had only a fifty-pound note with him, and that he wished to take the
+ring away. The foreman took the note, and the bishop gave his address;
+but he had scarcely left when a policeman rushed in and asked where the
+two swindlers had gone. The foreman stood aghast, but said he had at
+least secured a fifty-pound note. The policeman asked to see it, and
+saying it was a flash note and that he would have it tested, left the
+shop and never returned.</p>
+
+<p>The amusement afforded by practical jokes is also largely dependent upon
+the discomfort of the victims. This kind of humour, happily now little
+known in this country, has been much in favour with Italian bandits, who
+occasionally unite whimsical fancy with great personal daring. A
+Piedmontese gentleman<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span> told me an instance in which two Counts, who were
+dining at an albergo, met a strange-looking man whom they took to be a
+sportsman like themselves. The conversation turned upon bandits, and the
+Counts expressed a hope that they might meet some, as they were well
+armed and would teach them a lesson. Their companion left before them,
+and walking along the road they were to take, ordered a labouring man
+whom he met to stand in an adjoining vineyard and hold up a vine-stake
+to his shoulder like a gun. As soon as the Counts' carriage came to the
+place the bandit rushed out, seized the horses, and called upon the
+Counts to deliver up their arms or he would order his men, whom they
+could see in the vineyard, to fire. The Counts not only obeyed the
+summons, but began to accuse one another of keeping something back.
+Shortly afterwards, on a doctor boasting in the same way, the bandit
+went out before him and stuck a bough in the road on which he hung a
+lantern. The doctor called out who's there? and was taking a deadly aim
+with his gun, when he was seized from behind and pinioned. The bandit
+said he should teach him a different lesson from that he deserved, and
+only deprived him of his gun.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Nomenclature&mdash;Three Classes of Words&mdash;Distinction between Wit and
+Humour&mdash;Wit sometimes dangerous, generally innocuous.</p></div>
+
+
+<p>The subject of which we have been treating in these volumes will suggest
+to us the logical distinctions to be drawn between three classes of
+words. First, we have those which imply that we are regarding something
+external, awakening laughter as the <i>ludicrous</i> from <i>ludus</i>, a game,
+especially pointing to antics and gambols; the <i>ridiculous</i> from <i>rideo</i>
+to laugh, referring to that which occasions a demonstrative movement in
+the muscles of the countenance&mdash;implying a strong emotion, often of
+contempt, and generally applied to persons, as the ludicrous is to
+circumstances; the <i>grotesque</i> referring to strangeness in form, such as
+is seen in fantastic <i>grottoes</i>, or in the quaint figures of sylvan
+deities which the Ancients placed in them, and the <i>absurd</i>, properly
+referring to acts of people who are defective in faculties.</p>
+
+<p>The ludicrous is often used in philosophical<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span> works to signify a
+feeling, and our second class will contain words which may refer either
+to something external or to the mind, such as <i>droll</i>, (from the German)
+<i>comical</i>, <i>amusing</i>, and <i>funny</i>. To say "I do not see any fun in it,"
+is different from saying "I do not see any fun in him," and a man may be
+called funny, either in laudation or disparagement.</p>
+
+<p>In the third class we place such words as refer to the mind alone as the
+source of amusement, and under this head we may place Humour as a
+general and generic term. Raillery and sarcasm (from a Greek word "to
+tear flesh") refer especially to the expression of the feeling in
+language, and irony from its covert nature generally requires assistance
+from the voice and manner. Some words refer especially to literature,
+and never to any attacks made on present company. Of these, satire aims
+at making a man odious or ridiculous; lampoon, contemptible. Satire is
+the rapier; lampoon the broadsword, or even the cudgel&mdash;the former
+points to the heart and wounds sharply, the latter deals a dull and
+blundering blow, often falling wide of the mark. In general a different
+man selects a different weapon; the educated and refined preferring
+satire; the rude and more vulgar, lampoon&mdash;one adopting what is keen and
+precise, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span> other seeking rough and irrelevant accessories. But clever
+men, to gain others over to them by amusement, have sometimes taken the
+clumsier means, and while placing their victim nearer the level of the
+brutes than of humanity, have not struck so straight; for the
+improbability they have introduced has in it so much that is fantastic
+that their attack seems mostly playful, if not bordering on the
+ludicrous.</p>
+
+<p>Lampoon was the earliest kind of humorous invective; we have an instance
+of it in Homer's Thersites. Buffoonery differs from lampoon in being
+carried on in acting, instead of words. The latter is rather based upon
+some moral delinquency or imperfection; the former aims merely at
+amusement, and resembles burlesque in being generally optical, and
+containing little malice. Both come under the category of broad humour,
+which is excessive in accessory emotion, and in most cases deficient in
+complication. Caricature resembles them both in being often concerned
+with deformity. It appeals to the senses rather than to the emotions.
+The complication in it is never very good when it is confined to
+pictorial representation, as we may observe that without some
+explanation we should seldom know what a design was intended to portray;
+and when the word means description in writing it still retains some of
+its original<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span> reference to sight, and is concerned principally with form
+and optical similitudes.</p>
+
+<p>Although Wit and Humour are often used as synonymous, the fact of two
+words being in use, and the attempts which have been made to
+discriminate between them, prove that there must be a distinction in
+signification.<a name="FNanchor_25_25" id="FNanchor_25_25"></a><a href="#Footnote_25_25" class="fnanchor">[25]</a> It is so fine that many able writers have failed to
+detect it. Lord Macaulay considered wit to refer to contrasts sought
+for, humour to those before our eyes&mdash;but such an explanation is not
+altogether satisfactory. Humour originally meant moisture, or any limpid
+subtle fluid, and so came to signify the disposition or turn of the
+mind&mdash;just as spirit, originally breath or wind, came to signify the
+soul of man. In Ben Jonson's time it had this signification, as in one
+of his plays entitled "Every Man in his Humour." Dispositions being very
+different, it came to signify fancy&mdash;as where Burton, author of the
+"Anatomy of Melancholy," is called humorous&mdash;and also the whimsical Sir
+W. Thornhill in the "Vicar of Wakefield"&mdash;and finally meant the feeling
+which appreciates the ludicrous, though we sometimes use the old sense
+in speaking of a good-humoured man.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Wit is a Saxon word, and originally signified Wisdom&mdash;a witte was a wise
+man, and the Saxon Parliament was called the Wittenagemot. We may
+suppose that wisdom did not then so much imply learning as natural
+sagacity, and came to refer to such ingenious attempts as those in the
+Exeter Book. Here would be a basis for the later meaning, especially if
+some of the old saws came to be regarded as ludicrous, but for a long
+time afterwards wit signified talent, whether humorous or otherwise, and
+as late as Elizabeth the "wits" were often used as synonymous with
+judgment. Steele, introducing Pope's "Messiah" in the Spectator, says
+that it is written by a friend of his "who is not ashamed to employ his
+wit in the praise of of his Maker." Addison introduced the word genius,
+and the other was relegated to humorous conceits&mdash;a change no doubt
+facilitated by the short and monosyllabic form and sound. The word
+<i>facetus</i> seems to have undergone the same transition in Latin, for
+Horace speaks of Virgil having possessed the <i>facetum</i> in poetry.</p>
+
+<p>Humour may be dry&mdash;may consist of subtle inuendoes of a somewhat
+uncertain character not devoid of pleasantry, perhaps, but indistinctly
+felt, and not calculated to raise laughter. This has led some to observe
+that in contradistinction to it&mdash;"Wit is sharply defined like a
+crystal."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span> So Mr. Dallas writes, "Wit is of the known and definite;
+humour is of the unknown and indefinable. Wit is the unexpected
+exhibition of some clearly defined contrast or disproportion; humour the
+unexpected indication of a vague discordance, in which the sense or the
+perception of ignorance is prominent." "Wit is the comedy of knowledge,
+humour of ignorance." But we must observe in opposition to this view
+that humour may be too clearly defined, as in puns or caricatures, it
+may be broad&mdash;but who ever heard of broad wit. The retort often made by
+those who have been severely hit, "You're very witty," or "You think
+you're very witty," could not be expressed by, "You're very humorous,"
+which would have neither irony nor point, not implying any pretension.
+Nothing that smells of the lamp, or refers much to particular
+experience, or second-hand information, deserves the name of wit, and
+although it may be recorded in writing, it generally implies impromptu
+speech. There seems to be a kind of inspiration in it, and we are
+inclined to regard it, like any other great advantage, as a natural
+gift. "If you have real wit," says Lord Chesterfield, "it will grow
+spontaneously, and you need not aim at it, for in that case the rule of
+the gospel is reversed and it will prove, 'Seek, and ye shall not
+find.'"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span> Thus, we speak of a man's mother wit, <i>i.e.</i> innate, but we do
+not call a story witty, as much in it is due to circumstances, and does
+not necessarily flow from talent. To speak of a woman as "of great wit
+and beauty" is to pay a high compliment to her mental as well as
+personal charms.</p>
+
+<p>As wit must be always intellectual it must be in words, and hence as
+well as because it must imply impromptu talent, the comic situations of
+a farce or pantomime are not witty. When Poole represents Paul Pry as
+peeping through a gimlet hole, as attacked with a red hot poker, or
+blown out of a closet full of fireworks, and where Douglas Jerrold on
+the Bridge of Ludgate makes the innkeeper tells Charles II., in his
+disguise, all the bad stories he has heard about his Majesty, we merely
+see the humour, unless we are so far abstracted as to regard the scene
+as ludicrous. In the same way a conversation between foolish men on the
+stage may be amusing, but cannot be witty.</p>
+
+<p>An old stanza tells us&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"True wit is like the brilliant stone</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Dug from the Indian mine.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which boasts two various powers in one</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To cut as well as shine."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Bacon observes that those who make others afraid of their wit had need
+be afraid of others' memory. And Sterne says that there is as great<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span> a
+difference between the memory of jester and jestee as between the purse
+of the mortgager and mortgagee. Humour is fully as unamiable as wit, but
+the latter has obtained the worse character simply because it is the
+more salient of the two. There is always a jealous and ill-natured side
+to human nature which gives a semblance of truth to Rochefoucauld's
+saying that we are not altogether grieved at the misfortunes even of our
+friends; and wit often, from its point and the element of truth it
+possesses, has been used to add a sting and adhesiveness to malevolent
+attacks. Writers therefore often remind us to be sparing and circumspect
+in the use of wit, as if it were necessarily, instead of accidentally
+offensive.</p>
+
+<p>As an instance of the danger of wit, I may mention a case in which two
+celebrated divines, one of the "high" church, and the other of the
+"broad" church school, had been attacking and confuting one another in
+rival reviews. They met accidentally at an evening party, and the high
+churchman, who was a well-known wit, could not forbear exclaiming, as he
+grasped the other's hand, "The Augurs have met face to face"&mdash;an
+observation which, if it implied anything, must have meant that they
+were both hypocrites.</p>
+
+<p>Those who consider humour objectionable, have no idea of the variety of
+circumstances<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span> under which our emotions may be excited. A man may smile
+at his own misfortunes after they are over&mdash;sometimes our laughter seems
+scarcely directed against anyone, and in the most profane and indelicate
+humour there is often nothing personal.</p>
+
+<p>Occasionally it is too general to wound, being aimed at nations, as in
+my old friend's saying, "The French do not know what they want, and will
+never be satisfied until they get it," or it may strike at the great
+mass of mankind, as when one of the same dissatisfied nation calls
+marriage "a tiresome book with a very fine preface." There is nothing
+unamiable in Goldsmith's reflection upon the rustic simplicity of the
+villagers, when he says of the schoolmaster&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"And still the wonder grew,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How one small head could carry all he knew."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>Again, we may ask, what person can be possibly injured by most of the
+humorous stories in which our Transatlantic cousins delight, such as
+that an American, describing a severe winter said, "Why I had a cow on
+my farm up the Hudson river, and she got in among the ice, and was
+carried down three miles before we could get her out again. And what do
+you suppose has been the consequence? why, she has milked nothing but
+ice-cream ever since."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>How little of the humour, which is always floating around and makes life
+and society enjoyable, ever gives pain to anybody; how few men there
+really are who, as it is said, would rather lose a friend than a joke.
+Most strokes are directed against imaginary persons, it is generally
+recognised that what seems wrong to one may seem right to another, and
+no man of common honesty can deny that he has often ridiculed others for
+faults which he would have committed himself. This confession might be
+well made by the most of our humorists.</p>
+
+<p>But although humour should not be offensive, it would be wrong to
+consider that its proper duty is to inculcate virtue. This is no more
+its office than it is that of a novel to give sage advice, or of a poem
+to teach science. Herein Addison's excellent feelings seem to have led
+him astray, for speaking of false humour he says that "it is all one to
+it whether it exposes vice and folly, luxury and avarice, or, on the
+contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty." From what he says, we
+might conclude that true humour was that which attacks vice, and false
+that which makes against virtue. But although it is good to have a
+worthy object, this has nothing to do with the quality of humour. We
+have less enjoyment of ridicule when it is directed against a virtuous
+man, but we also feel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span> little when the principal element in it is moral
+instruction.</p>
+
+<p>There is no reason why we should view laughter at what is ludicrous as
+something objectionable. The more intelligent portion of the civilised
+world is not now amused at the real sufferings or misfortunes of others.
+If a man be run over in the street, and have his leg broken, we all
+sympathise with him. But some pains which have no serious result are
+still treated with levity, such as those of a gouty foot, of the
+extraction of a tooth, or of little boys birched at school.</p>
+
+<p>The actions of people in pain are strange and abnormal, and sometimes
+seem unaccountable; it is not the mere suffering at which any are
+amused. We can sometimes laugh at a person, although we feel for him,
+where the incentive to mirth is much stronger than the call for
+sympathy. Still we confess that some of the old malice lingers among us,
+some skulking cruelty peeps out at intervals. Fiendish laughter has
+departed with the Middle Ages, but what delights the schoolboy more than
+the red-hot poker in the pantomime?</p>
+
+<p>Wit is chiefly to be recommended as a source of enjoyment; to many this
+will seem no great or legitimate object, for we cannot help drawing a
+very useful distinction between pleasure and profit. The lines,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"There are whom heaven has blessed with store of wit</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Yet want as much again to manage it;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For wit and judgment ever are at strife,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though meant, each others, and like man and wife,"</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>teach us that talent of this kind may be often turned into a fruitful
+channel. The politician can by humour influence his audience; the man of
+society can make himself popular, and perhaps without this
+recommendation would never have had an opportunity of gaining his
+knowledge of the world. When by some happy turn of thought we are
+successful in raising a laugh, we seem to receive a kind of ovation, the
+more valuable because sincere. We are allowed a superiority, we have
+achieved a victory, though it may be but momentary and unimportant.</p>
+
+<p>In daily life our sense of the ludicrous leads us to mark many small
+errors and blemishes, which we should have overlooked had it not given
+us pleasure to notice them, and thus from observing the failures of
+others we learn to correct our own. Much that would be offensive, if not
+injurious, is thus avoided, and those little angles are removed which
+obstruct the onward course of society. A sensible man will gain more by
+being ridiculed than praised, just as adverse criticism, when judicious,
+ought to raise rather than depress. Lever remarks, with regard to
+acquiring languages, that "as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span> the foreigner is too polite to laugh, the
+stranger has little chance to learn." A compendium of humorous sayings
+would, if rightly read, give a valuable history of our shortcomings in
+the different relations of life. Louis XII., when urged to punish some
+insolent comedian, replied, "No, no; in the course of their ribaldry
+they may sometimes tell us useful truths; let them amuse themselves,
+provided they respect the ladies."</p>
+
+<p>Finally, what presage can we form of the future from the experience of
+the past? We may expect the augmenting emotion in humour to become less,
+and of a more &aelig;sthetical character, indelicacy, profanity, and hostility
+have been considerably modified even since the commencement of this
+century. Humour will, by degrees, become more intellectual and more
+refined, less dependent upon the senses and passions. At some time far
+hence allusions will be greatly appreciated, the complexity of which our
+obtuser faculties would now be unable to understand. Still, as keen and
+excellent wit is a rare gift, some even of the ancient sayings will
+doubtless survive.</p>
+
+<p>By some, humour has been called a "morbid secretion," and its extinction
+has been foretold, but history, the only unerring guide, teaches us that
+it will increase in amount and improve<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span> in quality. Man cannot exist
+without emotion, and as we have seen various forms and subjects of
+humour successively arising, so we may be sure in future ages fresh
+fields for it will be constantly opening. When we consider how necessary
+amusement is to all, and how bounteously it has been supplied by
+Providence, we shall feel certain that man will always have beside him
+this light, which although it cannot lead as a star, can still brighten
+his path and cheer his spirits upon the pilgrimage of life.</p>
+
+
+<p><br /><br /></p>
+<div class="footnotes">
+
+<h3>FOOTNOTES</h3>
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Properly Centrones, from a Greek word signifying
+patchwork.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> In which the various kinds of fish are introduced in mock
+heroic verse. It dates from the fifth century <span class="smcap">B.C.</span></p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> About this time Addison and Bishop Attenbury first called
+attention to the beauties of Milton.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> Ale-houses at Oxford.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> A game at cards.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> Haynes writes, "I have known a gentleman of another turn of
+humour, who despises the name of author, never printed his works, but
+contracted his talent, and by the help of a very fine diamond which he
+wore on his little finger, was a considerable poet on glass." He had a
+very good epigrammatic wit; and there was not a parlour or tavern window
+where he visited or dined for some years, which did not receive some
+sketches or memorials of it. It was his misfortune at last to lose his
+genius and his ring to a sharper at play, and he has not attempted to
+make a verse since.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> This seems taken from a Spanish story.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> Supposed to be Mrs. Manley, against whom Steele had a
+grudge.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> He was buried in Portugal Street graveyard, but was removed
+in 1853 on the erection of the new buildings of King's College
+Hospital.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> Smollett, of whom we shall speak in the next chapter,
+published before Sterne, though a younger man.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> Dodsley was never averse from having a hit at the church,
+as in the epigram:
+</p><p>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Cries Sylvia to a reverend dean</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">What reason can be given,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Since marriage is a holy thing,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">That there are none in heaven?</span><br />
+</p><p><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'There are no women,' he replied,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">She quick returns the jest,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Women there are, but I'm afraid</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">They cannot find a priest.'"</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> There was a considerable amount of humour in it. Among the
+articles offered for sale in the toy-shop is, "the least box that ever
+was seen in England," in which nevertheless, "a courtier may deposit his
+sincerity, a lawyer may screw up his honesty, and a poet may hoard up
+his money."</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> This introduction to popularity reminds us of the poet
+Lover, who would never have been so well known had not Madame Vestris,
+when in want of a comic song, selected "Rory O'More," which afterwards
+became so famous. The celebrated enigma on the letter H was also
+produced by a suggestion accidentally made overnight, and developed
+before morning by Miss Fanshawe into beautiful lines formerly ascribed
+to Byron.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> A girl, who had been unfortunate in love.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> Byron showed his love of humour even in some of these
+early effusions, speaking of his college he says:
+</p>
+<p><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Our choir would scarcely be excused,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Even as a band of raw beginners:</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">All mercy, now, must be refused</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To such a set of croaking sinners.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">If David, when his toils were ended</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Had heard these blockheads sing before him,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To us his psalms had ne'er descended;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In furious mood, he would have tore 'em."</span><br />
+</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> The saying "He that fights and runs away, shall live to
+fight another day," is as old as the days of Menander.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17"><span class="label">[17]</span></a> Beattie was unfortunate in selecting Moli&egrave;re for his
+comparison, for his humour is especially that of situation and can be
+tolerably well understood by a foreigner.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18"><span class="label">[18]</span></a> Thus we speak of "fried ice" or "ice with the chill off."</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19"><span class="label">[19]</span></a> It may be observed that as men's perceptions of humour are
+different, so in the expression of them there is a character about
+laughter in accordance with its subject, and with the person from whom
+it comes.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20"><span class="label">[20]</span></a> This term seems the nearest, though not quite accurate.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21"><span class="label">[21]</span></a> Ruskin observes that the smile on the lips of the Apollo
+Belvedere is inconsistent with divinity.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22"><span class="label">[22]</span></a> The false generalisations of childhood are well
+represented by Dickens when, in "Great Expectations," he makes Pip
+discover a singular affinity between seeds and corduroys. "Mr.
+Pumblechook wore corduroys, and so did his shopman, and somehow there
+was a general air and flavour about the corduroys so much in the nature
+of seeds, and such a general air and flavour about the seeds in the
+nature of corduroys that I hardly knew which was which."</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23"><span class="label">[23]</span></a> Critias was one of the thirty tyrants who condemned him.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_24_24" id="Footnote_24_24"></a><a href="#FNanchor_24_24"><span class="label">[24]</span></a> That the present style of men's dress is unbecoming
+strikes us forcibly when we see it reproduced in statues, where we are
+not used to it.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_25_25" id="Footnote_25_25"></a><a href="#FNanchor_25_25"><span class="label">[25]</span></a> Cicero uses two corresponding words cavillatio and
+dicacitas, the former signifying continuous, the latter aphoristic
+humour.</p></div></div>
+
+<h4>END.<br /><br /></h4>
+
+
+<p class='center'>London: Printed by A. Schulze, 13 Poland Street.</p>
+
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
+<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2 (OF 2)***</p>
+<p>******* This file should be named 18906-h.txt or 18906-h.zip *******</p>
+<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br />
+<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/8/9/0/18906">http://www.gutenberg.org/1/8/9/0/18906</a></p>
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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2), by
+Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2)
+
+
+Author: Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange
+
+
+
+Release Date: July 25, 2006  [eBook #18906]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2
+(OF 2)***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Barbara Tozier, Bill Tozier, Janet Blenkinship, and the
+Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+(http://www.pgdp.net/)
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+
+   The letter "e" with a macron is rendered [=e] in this text.
+
+   The astute reader will notice there is no Chapter XV in the
+   Table of Contents or in the text. This was a printer's error
+   in the original book.  The chapters were incorrectly numbered,
+   but no chapter was missing. This e-book has been transcribed
+   to match the original.
+
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR
+
+With an Introduction upon Ancient Humour.
+
+by
+
+THE REV. A. G. L'ESTRANGE,
+
+Author of
+"The Life of the Rev. William Harness,"
+"From the Thames to the Tamar,"
+Etc.
+
+In Two Volumes.
+
+Vol. II.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+London:
+Hurst and Blackett, Publishers,
+13, Great Marlborough Street.
+1878.
+All rights reserved.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+
+  CHAPTER I.
+
+  Burlesque--Parody--The "Splendid Shilling"--Prior--Pope--Ambrose
+  Philips--Parodies of Gray's Elegy--Gay                               1
+
+
+  CHAPTER II.
+
+  Defoe--Irony--Ode to the Pillory--The "Comical Pilgrim"--The
+  "Scandalous Club"--Humorous Periodicals--Heraclitus
+  Ridens--The London Spy--The British
+  Apollo                                                              22
+
+
+  CHAPTER III.
+
+  Swift--"Tale of a Tub"--Essays--Gulliver's Travels--Variety
+  of Swift's Humour--Riddles--Stella's Wit--Directions
+  for Servants--Arbuthnot                                             44
+
+
+  CHAPTER IV.
+
+  Steele--The Funeral--The Tatler--Contributions of Swift--Of
+  Addison--Expansive Dresses--"Bodily Wit"--Rustic
+  Obtuseness--Crosses in Love--Snuff-taking                           62
+
+
+  CHAPTER V.
+
+  Spectator--The Rebus--Injurious Wit--The Everlasting
+  Club--The Lovers' Club--Castles in the Air--The
+  Guardian--Contributions by Pope--"The Agreeable
+  Companion"--The Wonderful Magazine--Joe Miller--Pivot
+  Humour                                                              77
+
+
+  CHAPTER VI.
+
+  Sterne--His Versatility--Dramatic Form--Indelicacy--Sentiment
+  and Geniality--Letters to his Wife--Extracts
+  from his Sermons--Dr. Johnson                                       99
+
+
+  CHAPTER VII.
+
+  Dodsley--"A Muse in Livery"--"The Devil's a Dunce"--"The
+  Toy Shop"--Fielding--Smollett                                      113
+
+
+  CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  Cowper--Lady Austen's Influence--"John Gilpin"--"The
+  Task"--Goldsmith--"The Citizen of the World"--Humorous
+  Poems--Quacks--Baron Muenchausen                                    127
+
+
+  CHAPTER IX.
+
+  The Anti-Jacobin--Its Objects and Violence--"The
+  Friends of Freedom"--Imitation of Latin Lyrics--The
+  "Knife Grinder"--The "Progress of Man"                             141
+
+
+  CHAPTER X.
+
+  Wolcott--Writes against the Academicians--Tales of a
+  Hoy--"New Old Ballads"--"The Sorrows of Sunday"--Ode
+  to a Pretty Barmaid--Sheridan--Comic Situations--"The
+  Duenna"--Wits                                                      150
+
+
+  CHAPTER XI.
+
+  Southey--Drolls of Bartholomew Fair--The "Doves"--Typographical
+  Devices--Puns--Poems of Abel Shufflebottom                         164
+
+
+  CHAPTER XII.
+
+  Lamb--His Farewell to Tobacco--Pink Hose--On the
+  Melancholy of Tailors--Roast Pig                                   175
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  Byron--Vision of Judgment--Lines to Hodgson--Beppo--Humorous
+  Rhyming--Profanity of the Age                                      184
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  Theodore Hook--Improvisatore Talent--Poetry--Sydney
+  Smith--The "Dun Cow"--Thomas Hood--Gin--Tylney
+  Hall--John Trot--Barham's Legends                                  196
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  Douglas Jerrold--Liberal Politics--Advantages of Ugliness--Button
+  Conspiracy--Advocacy of Dirt--The "Genteel
+  Pigeons"                                                           207
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  Thackeray--His Acerbity--The Baronet--The Parson--Medical
+  Ladies--Glorvina--"A Serious Paradise"                             216
+
+
+  CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  Dickens--Sympathy with the Poor--Vulgarity--Geniality--Mrs.
+  Gamp--Mixture of Pathos and Humour--Lever
+  and Dickens compared--Dickens' power of Description--General
+  Remarks                                                            226
+
+
+  CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  Variation--Constancy--Influence of Temperament--Of
+  Observation--Bulls--Want   of Knowledge--Effects
+  of Emotion--Unity of the Sense of the Ludicrous                    241
+
+
+  CHAPTER XX.
+
+  Definition--Difficulties of forming one of Humour                  276
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  Charm of Mystery--Complication--Poetry and Humour
+  compared--Exaggeration                                             285
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXII.
+
+  Imperfection--An Impression of Falsity implied--Two
+  Views taken by Philosophers--Firstly that of Voltaire,
+  Jean Paul, Brown, the German Idealists, Leon Dumont,
+  Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and Dugald
+  Stewart--Whately on Jests--Nature of Puns--Effect of
+  Custom and Habit--Accessory Emotion--Disappointment
+  and Loss--Practical Jokes                                          307
+
+
+  CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+  Nomenclature--Three Classes of Words--Distinction between
+  Wit and Humour--Wit sometimes dangerous,
+  generally innocuous                                                339
+
+
+
+
+HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Burlesque--Parody--The "Splendid Shilling"--Prior--Pope--Ambrose
+  Philips--Parodies of Gray's Elegy--Gay.
+
+
+Burlesque, that is comic imitation, comprises parody and caricature. The
+latter is a valuable addition to humorous narrative, as we see in the
+sketches of Gillray, Cruikshank and others. By itself it is not
+sufficiently suggestive and affords no story or conversation. Hence in
+the old caricatures the speeches of the characters were written in
+balloons over their heads, and in the modern an explanation is added
+underneath. For want of such assistance we lose the greater part of the
+humour in Hogarth's paintings.
+
+We may date the revival of Parody from the fifteenth century, although
+Dr. Johnson speaks as though it originated with Philips. Notwithstanding
+the great scope it affords for humorous invention, it has never become
+popular, nor formed an important branch of literature; perhaps, because
+the talent of the parodist always suffered from juxtaposition with that
+of his original. In its widest sense parody is little more than
+imitation, but as we should not recognise any resemblance without the
+use of the same form, it always implies a similarity in words or style.
+Sometimes the thoughts are also reproduced, but this is not sufficient,
+and might merely constitute a summary or translation. The closer the
+copy the better the parody, as where Pope's lines
+
+  "Here shall the spring its earliest sweets bestow
+  Here the first roses of the year shall blow,"
+
+were applied by Catherine Fanshawe to the Regent's Park with a very
+slight change--
+
+  "Here shall the spring its earliest coughs bestow,
+  Here the first noses of the year shall blow."
+
+But all parody is not travesty, for a writing may be parodied without
+being ridiculed. This was notably the case in the Centones,[1] Scripture
+histories in the phraseology of Homer and Virgil, which were written by
+the Christians in the fourth century, in order that they might be able
+to teach at once classics and religion. From the pious object for which
+they were first designed, they degenerated into fashionable exercises of
+ingenuity, and thus we find the Emperor Valentinian composing some on
+marriage, and requesting, or rather commanding Ausonius to contend with
+him in such compositions. They were regarded as works of fancy--a sort
+of literary embroidery.
+
+It may be questioned whether any of these parodies were intended to
+possess humour; but wherever we find such as have any traces of it, we
+may conclude that the imitation has been adopted to increase it. This
+does not necessarily amount to travesty, for the object is not always to
+throw contempt on the original. Thus, we cannot suppose "The Battle of
+the Frogs and Mice," or "The Banquet of Matron,"[2] although written in
+imitation of the heroic poetry of Homer, was intended to make "The
+Iliad" appear ridiculous, but rather that the authors thought to make
+their conceits more amusing, by comparing what was most insignificant
+with something of unsurpassable grandeur. The desire to gain influence
+from the prescriptive forms of great writings was the first incentive to
+parody. We cannot suppose that Luther intended to be profane when he
+imitated the first psalm--
+
+     "Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the way of the
+     Sacramentarians, not sat in the seat of the Zuinglians, or followed
+     the counsel of the Zurichers."
+
+Probably Ben Jonson saw nothing objectionable in the quaintly whimsical
+lines in Cynthia's Revels--
+
+  _Amo._ From Spanish shrugs, French faces, smirks, irps,
+  and all affected humours.
+
+          _Chorus._ Good Mercury defend us.
+
+  _Pha._ From secret friends, sweet servants, loves, doves,
+  and such fantastique humours.
+
+          _Chorus._ Good Mercury defend us.
+
+The same charitable allowance may be conceded to the songs composed by
+the Cavaliers in the Civil War. We should not be surprised to find a
+tone of levity in them, but they were certainly not intended to throw
+any discredit on our Church. In "The Rump, or an exact collection of the
+choicest poems and songs relating to the late times from 1639" we have
+"A Litany for the New Year," of which the following will serve as a
+specimen--
+
+  "From Rumps, that do rule against customes and laws
+  From a fardle of fancies stiled a good old cause,
+  From wives that have nails that are sharper than claws,
+                Good Jove deliver us."
+
+Among the curious tracts collected by Lord Somers we find a "New
+Testament of our Lords and Saviours, the House of our Lords and
+Saviours, the House of Commons, and the Supreme Council at Windsor." It
+gives "The Genealogy of the Parliament" from the year 1640 to 1648, and
+commences "The Book of the Generation of Charles Pim, the son of Judas,
+the son of Beelzebub," and goes on to state in the thirteenth verse that
+"King Charles being a just man, and not willing to have the people
+ruinated, was minded to dissolve them, (the Parliament), but while he
+thought on these things. &c."
+
+Of the same kind was the parody of Charles Hanbury Williams at the
+commencement of the last century, "Old England's Te Deum"--the character
+of which may be conjectured from the first line
+
+     "We complain of Thee, O King, we acknowledge thee to be a
+     Hanoverian."
+
+Sometimes parodies of this kind had even a religious object, as when Dr.
+John Boys, Dean of Canterbury in the reign of James I., in his zeal,
+untempered with wisdom, attacked the Romanists by delivering a form of
+prayer from the pulpit commencing--
+
+  "Our Pope which art in Rome, cursed be thy name,"
+
+and ending,
+
+  "For thine is the infernal pitch and sulphur for ever and ever. Amen."
+
+"The Religious Recruiting Bill" was written with a pious intention, as
+was also the Catechism by Mr. Toplady, a clergyman, aimed at throwing
+contempt upon Lord Chesterfield's code of morality. It is almost
+impossible to draw a hard and fast line between travesty and harmless
+parody--the feelings of the public being the safest guide. But to
+associate Religion with anything low is offensive, even if the object in
+view be commendable.
+
+Some parodies of Scripture are evidently not intended to detract from
+its sanctity, as, for instance, the attack upon sceptical philosophy
+which lately appeared in an American paper, pretending to be the
+commencement of a new Bible "suited to the enlightenment of the age,"
+and beginning--
+
+     "Primarily the unknowable moved upon kosmos and evolved protoplasm.
+
+     "And protoplasm was inorganic and undifferentiated, containing all
+     things in potential energy: and a spirit of evolution moved upon
+     the fluid mass.
+
+     "And atoms caused other atoms to attract: and their contact begat
+     light, heat, and electricity.
+
+     "And the unconditioned differentiated the atoms, each after its
+     kind and their combination begat rocks, air, and water.
+
+     "And there went out a spirit of evolution and working in protoplasm
+     by accretion and absorption produced the organic cell.
+
+     "And the cell by nutrition evolved primordial germ, and germ
+     devolved protogene, and protogene begat eozoon and eozoon begat
+     monad and monad begot animalcule ..."
+
+We are at first somewhat at a loss to understand what made the "Splendid
+Shilling" so celebrated: it is called by Steele the finest burlesque in
+the English language. Although far from being, as Dr. Johnson asserts,
+the first parody, it is undoubtedly a work of talent, and was more
+appreciated in 1703 than it can be now, being recognised as an imitation
+of Milton's poems which were then becoming celebrated.[3] Reading it at
+the present day, we should scarcely recognise any parody; but blank
+verse was at that time uncommon, although the Italians were beginning to
+protest against the gothic barbarity of rhyme, and Surrey had given in
+his translation of the first and fourth books of Virgil a specimen of
+the freer versification.
+
+Meres says that "Piers Plowman was the first that observed the true
+quality of our verse without the curiositie of rime" but he was not
+followed.
+
+The new character of the "Splendid Shilling" caused it to bring more
+fame to its author than has been gained by any other work so short and
+simple. It was no doubt an inspiration of the moment, and was written by
+John Philips at the age of twenty. There is considerable freshness and
+strength in the poem, which commences--
+
+  "Happy the man, who void of cares and strife
+  In silken or in leathern purse retains
+  A splendid shilling: he nor hears with pain
+  New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale;
+  But with his friends, when nightly mists arise
+  To Juniper's Magpie or Town Hall[4] repairs.
+  Meanwhile he smokes and laughs at merry tale,
+  Or pun ambiguous or conumdrum quaint;
+  But I, whom griping penury surrounds,
+  And hunger sure attendant upon want,
+  With scanty offals, and small acid tiff
+  (Wretched repast!) my meagre corps sustain:
+  Then solitary walk or doze at home
+  In garret vile, and with a warming puff.
+  Regale chilled fingers, or from tube as black
+  As winter chimney, or well polished jet
+  Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent."
+
+He goes on to relate how he is besieged by duns, and what a chasm there
+is in his "galligaskins." He wrote very little altogether, but produced
+a piece called "Blenheim," and a sort of Georgic entitled "Cyder."
+
+Prior, like many other celebrated men, partly owed his advancement to an
+accidental circumstance. He was brought up at his uncle's tavern "The
+Rummer," situate at Charing Cross--then a kind of country suburb of the
+city, and adjacent to the riverside mansions and ornamental gardens of
+the nobility. To this convenient inn the neighbouring magnates were wont
+to resort, and one day in accordance with the classic proclivities of
+the times, a hot dispute, arose among them about the rendering of a
+passage in Horace. One of those present said that as they could not
+settle the question, they had better ask young Prior, who then was
+attending Westminster School. He had made good use of his opportunities,
+and answered the question so satisfactorily that Lord Dorset there and
+then undertook to send him to Cambridge. He became a fellow of St.
+John's, and Lord Dorset afterwards introduced him at Court, and obtained
+for him the post of secretary of Legation at the Hague, in which office
+he gave so much satisfaction to William III. that he made him one of his
+gentlemen of the bed chamber. He became afterwards Secretary of the Lord
+Lieutenant of Ireland, Ambassador in France, and Under Secretary of
+State.
+
+During his two year's imprisonment by the Whigs on a charge of high
+treason--from which he was liberated without a trial--he prepared a
+collection of his works, for which he obtained a large sum of money. He
+then retired from office, but died shortly afterwards in his
+fifty-eighth year.
+
+Prior is remarkable for his exquisite lightness and elegance of style,
+well suited to the pretty classical affectations of the day. He delights
+in cupids, nymphs, and flowers. In two or three places, perhaps, he
+verges upon indelicacy, but conceals it so well among feathers and rose
+leaves, that we may half pardon it. Although always sprightly he is not
+often actually humorous, but we may quote the following advice to a
+husband from the "English Padlock"
+
+  "Be to her virtues very kind,
+  And to her faults a little blind,
+  Let all her ways be unconfined,
+  And clap your padlock on her mind."
+
+  "Yes; ev'ry poet is a fool;
+  By demonstration Ned can show it;
+  Happy could Ned's inverted rule,
+  Prove ev'ry fool to be a poet."
+
+  "How old may Phyllis be, you ask,
+  Whose beauty thus all hearts engages?
+  To answer is no easy task,
+  For she has really two ages.
+
+  "Stiff in brocade and pinched in stays,
+  Her patches, paint, and jewels on:
+  All day let envy view her face,
+  And Phyllis is but twenty-one.
+
+  "Paint, patches, jewels, laid aside,
+  At night astronomers agree,
+  The evening has the day belied,
+  And Phyllis is some forty-three."
+
+  "Helen was just slipt from bed,
+  Her eyebrows on the toilet lay,
+  Away the kitten with them fled,
+  As fees belonging to her prey."
+
+  "For this misfortune, careless Jane,
+  Assure yourself, was soundly rated:
+  And Madam getting up again,
+  With her own hand the mouse-trap baited.
+
+  "On little things as sages write,
+  Depends our human joy or sorrow;
+  If we don't catch a mouse to-night,
+  Alas! no eyebrows for to-morrow."
+
+He wrote the following impromptu epitaph on himself--
+
+  "Nobles and heralds by your leave,
+  Here lies what once was Matthew Prior,
+  The son of Adam and of Eve,
+  Can Bourbon or Nassau go higher."
+
+But he does not often descend to so much levity as this, his wing is
+generally in a higher atmosphere. Sir Walter Scott observes that in the
+powers of approaching and touching the finer feelings of the heart, he
+has never been excelled, if indeed he has ever been equalled.
+
+Prior wrote a parody called "Erle Robert's Mice," but Pope is more
+prolific than any other poet in such productions. His earlier taste
+seems to have been for imitation, and he wrote good parodies on Waller
+and Cowley, and a bad travesty on Spencer. "January and May" and "The
+Wife of Bath" are founded upon Chaucer's Tales. Pope did not generally
+indulge in travesty, his object was not to ridicule his original, but
+rather to assist himself by borrowing its style. His productions are the
+best examples of parodies in this latter and better sense. Thus, he
+thought to give a classic air to his satires on the foibles of his time
+by arranging them upon the models of those of Horace. In his imitation
+of the second Satire of the second Book we have--
+
+  "He knows to live who keeps the middle state,
+  And neither leans on this side nor on that,
+  Nor stops for one bad cork his butler's pay,
+  Swears, like Albutius, a good cook away,
+  Nor lets, like Naevius, every error pass,
+  The musty wine, foul cloth, or greasy glass."
+
+There is a slight amount of humour in these adaptations, and it seems to
+have been congenial to the poets mind. Generally he was more turned to
+philosophy, and the slow measures he adopted were more suited to the
+dignified and pompous, than to the playful and gay. Occasionally,
+however, there is some sparkle in his lines, and, we read in "The Rape
+of the Lock"--
+
+  "Now love suspends his golden scales in air,
+  Weighs the men's wits against the lady's hair,
+  The doubtful beam long nods from side to side,
+  At length the wits mount up, the hairs subside."
+
+Again, his friend Mrs. Blount found London rather dull than gay--
+
+  "She went to plain work and to purling brooks,
+  Old-fashioned halls, dull aunts, and croaking rooks,
+  She went from opera, park, assembly, play,
+  To morning walks and prayers three hours a day,
+  To part her time 'twixt reading and bohea,
+  To muse and spill her solitary tea,
+  Or o'er cold coffee trifle with a spoon,
+  Count the slow clock, and dine exact at noon,
+  Divert her eyes with pictures in the fire,
+  Hum half a tune, tell stories to the Squire,
+  Up to her Godly garret after seven,
+  There starve and pray--for that's the way to Heaven."
+
+He was seldom able to bring a humorous sketch to the close without
+something a little objectionable. Often inclined to err on the side of
+severity, he was one of those instances in which we find acrimonious
+feeling associated with physical infirmity. "The Dunciad" is the
+principal example of this, but we have many others--such as the epigram:
+
+  "You beat your pate and fancy wit will come,
+  Knock as you please, there's nobody at home."
+
+At one time he was constantly extolling the charms of Lady Wortley
+Montagu in every strain of excessive adulation. He wrote sonnets upon
+her, and told her she had robbed the whole tree of knowledge. But when
+the ungrateful fair rejected her little crooked admirer, he completely
+changed his tone, and descended to lampoon of this kind--
+
+  "Lady Mary said to me, and in her own house,
+  I do not care for you three skips of a louse;
+  I forgive the dear creature for what she has said,
+  For ladies will talk of what runs in their head."
+
+He is supposed to have attacked Addison under the name of Atticus. He
+says that "like the Turk he would bear no brother near the throne," but
+that he would
+
+  "View him with scornful, yet with jealous eyes,
+  And hate for arts that caused himself to rise,
+  Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
+  And with our sneering teach the rest to sneer;
+  Willing to wound and yet afraid to strike,
+  Just hint a fault and hesitate dislike,
+  Alike reserved to blame or to commend,
+  A tim'rous foe, and a suspicious friend,
+  Dreading e'en fools, by flatterers besieged,
+  And so obleeging that he ne'er obleeged."
+
+Pope at first praised Ambrose Philips, and said he was "a man who could
+write very nobly," but afterwards they became rivals, and things went so
+far between them that Pope called Philips "a rascal," and Philips hung
+up a rod with which he said he would chastise Pope. He probably had
+recourse to this kind of argument, because he felt that he was worsted
+by his adversary in wordy warfare, having little talent in satire. In
+fact, his attempts in this direction were particularly clumsy as--"On a
+company of bad dancers to good music."
+
+  "How ill the motion with the music suits!
+  So Orpheus fiddled, and so danced the brutes."
+
+Still there is a gaiety and lightness about many of his pieces. The
+following is a specimen of his favourite style. Italian singers, lately
+introduced, seem to have been regarded by many with disfavour and alarm.
+
+
+  TO SIGNORA CUZZONI.
+
+  "Little syren of the stage,
+  Charmer of an idle age,
+  Empty warbler, breathing lyre,
+  Wanton gale of fond desire,
+  Bane of every manly art,
+  Sweet enfeebler of the heart;
+  O! too pleasing is thy strain,
+  Hence, to southern climes again,
+  Tuneful mischief, vocal spell,
+  To this island bid farewell,
+  Leave us, as we ought to be,
+  Leave the Britons rough and free."
+
+To parody a work is to pay it a compliment, though perhaps
+unintentionally, for if it were not well known the point of the
+imitation would be lost. Thus, the general appreciation of Gray's
+"Elegy" called forth several humorous parodies of it about the middle
+of the last century. The following is taken from one by the Rev. J.
+Duncombe, Vicar of Bishop Ridley's old church at Herne in Kent. It is
+entitled "An Evening Contemplation in a College."
+
+  "The curfew tolls the hour of closing gates,
+  With jarring sound the porter turns the key,
+  Then in his dreamy mansion, slumbering waits,
+  And slowly, sternly quits it--though for me.
+
+  "Now shine the spires beneath the paly moon,
+  And through the cloister peace and silence reign,
+  Save where some fiddler scrapes a drowsy tune,
+  Or copious bowls inspire a jovial strain.
+
+  "Save that in yonder cobweb-mantled room,
+  Where lies a student in profound repose,
+  Oppressed with ale; wide echoes through the gloom,
+  The droning music of his vocal nose.
+
+  "Within those walls, where through the glimmering shade,
+  Appear the pamphlets in a mouldering heap,
+  Each in his narrow bed till morning laid,
+  The peaceful fellows of the college sleep.
+
+  "The tinkling bell proclaiming early prayers,
+  The noisy servants rattling o'er their head,
+  The calls of business and domestic cares,
+  Ne'er rouse these sleepers from their drowsy bed.
+
+  "No chattering females crowd the social fire,
+  No dread have they of discord and of strife,
+  Unknown the names of husband and of sire,
+  Unfelt the plagues of matrimonial life.
+
+  "Oft have they basked along the sunny walls,
+  Oft have the benches bowed beneath their weight,
+  How jocund are their looks when dinner calls!
+  How smoke the cutlets on their crowded plate!
+
+  "Oh! let not Temperance too disdainful hear
+  How long their feasts, how long their dinners last;
+  Nor let the fair with a contemptuous sneer,
+  On these unmarried men reflections cast.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Far from the giddy town's tumultuous strife,
+  Their wishes yet have never learned to stray,
+  Content and happy in a single life,
+  They keep the noiseless tenor of their way.
+
+  "E'en now their books, from cobwebs to protect,
+  Inclosed by door of glass, in Doric style,
+  On polished pillars raised with bronzes decked,
+  Demand the passing tribute of a smile."
+
+Another parody of this famous Elegy published about the same date, has a
+less pleasant subject--the dangers and vices of the metropolis. It
+speaks of the activities of thieves.
+
+  "Oft to their subtlety the fob did yield,
+  Their cunning oft the pocket string hath broke,
+  How in dark alleys bludgeons did they wield!
+  How bowed the victim 'neath their sturdy stroke!
+
+  "Let not ambition mock their humble toil,
+  Their vulgar crimes and villainy obscure;
+  Nor rich rogues hear with a disdainful smile,
+  The low and petty knaveries of the poor.
+
+  "Beneath the gibbet's self perhaps is laid,
+  Some heart once pregnant with infernal fire,
+  Hands that the sword of Nero might have swayed,
+  And midst the carnage tuned the exulting lyre.
+
+  "Ambition to their eyes her ample page
+  Rich with such monstrous crimes did ne'er unroll,
+  Chill penury repressed their native rage,
+  And froze the bloody current of their soul.
+
+  "Full many a youth, fit for each horrid scene,
+  The dark and sooty flues of chimneys bear;
+  Full many a rogue is born to cheat unseen,
+  And dies unhanged for want of proper care."
+
+Gay dedicated his first poem to Pope, then himself a young man, and this
+led to an intimacy between them. In 1712 he held the office of Secretary
+to Ann, Duchess of Monmouth; and in 1714 he accompanied the Earl of
+Clarendon to Hanover. In this year he wrote a good travesty of Ambrose
+Philips' pastoral poetry, of which the following is a specimen--
+
+  _Lobbin Clout._ As Blouzelinda, in a gamesome mood,
+  Behind a hayrick loudly laughing stood,
+  I slily ran and snatched a hasty kiss;
+  She wiped her lips, nor took it much amiss.
+  Believe me, Cuddy, while I'm bold to say,
+  Her breath was sweeter than the ripened hay.
+
+  _Cuddy._ As my Buxoma in a morning fair,
+  With gentle finger stroked her milky care,
+  I quaintly stole a kiss; at first, 'tis true,
+  She frowned, yet after granted one or two.
+  Lobbin, I swear, believe who will my vow,
+  Her breath by far excelled the breathing cow.
+
+  _Lobbin._ Leek to the Welsh, to Dutchmen butter's dear,
+  Of Irish swains potato is the cheer,
+  Oats for their feasts the Scottish shepherds grind,
+  Sweet turnips are the food of Blouzelind;
+  While she loves turnips, butter I'll despise,
+  Nor leeks, nor oatmeal, nor potato prize.
+
+  _Cuddy._ In good roast beef my landlord sticks his knife,
+  And capon fat delights his dainty wife;
+  Pudding our parson eats, the squire loves hare,
+  But white-pot thick is my Buxoma's fare;
+  While she loves white-pot, capon ne'er shall be
+  Nor hare, nor beef, nor pudding, food for me.
+
+The following is not without point at the present day--
+
+
+  TO A LADY ON HER PASSION FOR OLD CHINA.
+
+  What ecstasies her bosom fire!
+  How her eyes languish with desire!
+  How blessed, how happy, should I be,
+  Were that fond glance bestowed on me!
+  New doubts and fears within me war,
+  What rival's here? A China jar!
+  China's the passion of her soul,
+  A cup, a plate, a dish, a bowl,
+  Can kindle wishes in her breast,
+  Inflame with joy, or break her rest.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  Husbands more covetous than sage,
+  Condemn this China-buying rage,
+  They count that woman's prudence little,
+  Who sets her heart on things so brittle;
+  But are those wise men's inclinations
+  Fixed on more strong, more sure foundations?
+  If all that's frail we must despise,
+  No human view or scheme is wise.
+
+Gay's humour is often injured by the introduction of low scenes, and
+disreputable accompaniments.
+
+"The Dumps," a lament of a forlorn damsel, is much in the same style as
+the Pastorals. It finishes with these lines--
+
+  "Farewell ye woods, ye meads, ye streams that flow,
+  A sudden death shall rid me of my woe,
+  This penknife keen my windpipe shall divide,
+  What, shall I fall as squeaking pigs have died?
+  No--to some tree this carcase I'll suspend;
+  But worrying curs find such untimely end!
+  I'll speed me to the pond, where the high stool,
+  On the long plank hangs o'er the muddy pool,
+  That stool, the dread of every scolding queen:
+  Yet sure a lover should not die, so mean!
+  Thus placed aloft I'll rave and rail by fits,
+  Though all the parish say I've lost my wits;
+  And thence, if courage holds, myself I'll throw,
+  And quench my passion in the lake below."
+
+He published in 1727 "The Beggar's Opera," the idea had been suggested
+by Swift. This is said to have given birth to the English Opera--the
+Italian having been already introduced here. This opera, or musical
+play, brought out by Mr. Rich, was so renumerative that it was a common
+saying that it made "Rich gay, and Gay rich."
+
+In "The Beggar's Opera" the humour turns on Polly falling in love with
+a highwayman. Peachum gives an amusing account of the gang. Among them
+is Harry Paddington--"a poor, petty-larceny rascal, without the least
+genius; that fellow, though he were to live these six months would never
+come to the gallows with any credit--and Tom Tipple, a guzzling, soaking
+sot, who is always too drunk to stand, or make others stand. A cart is
+absolutely necessary for him." Peachum, and his wife lament over their
+daughter Polly's choice of Captain Macheath. There are numerous songs,
+such as that of Mrs. Peachum beginning--
+
+  "Our Polly is a sad slut! nor heeds what we have taught her,
+  I wonder any man alive will ever rear a daughter."
+
+Polly, contemplating the possibility of Macheath's being hanged
+exclaims--
+
+     "Now, I'm a wretch indeed. Methinks, I see him already in the cart,
+     sweeter and more lovely than the nosegay in his hand! I hear the
+     crowd extolling his resolution and intrepidity! What volleys of
+     sighs are sent down from the windows of Holborn, that so comely a
+     youth should be brought to disgrace. I see him at the tree! the
+     whole circle are in tears! even butchers weep! Jack Ketch himself
+     hesitates to perform his duty, and would be glad to lose his fee by
+     a reprieve. What then will become of Polly?"
+
+To Macheath
+
+     Were you sentenced to transportation, sure, my dear, you could not
+     leave me behind you?
+
+     _Mac._ "Is there any power, any force, that could tear thee from me.
+     You might sooner tear a pension out of the hands of a courtier, a
+     fee from a lawyer, a pretty woman from a looking-glass, or any
+     woman from quadrille."[5]
+
+Gay may have taken his idea of writing fables from Dryden whose
+classical reading tempted him in two or three instances to indulge in
+such fancies. They were clever and in childhood appeared humorous to us,
+but we have long ceased to be amused by them, owing to their excessive
+improbability. Such ingenuity seems misplaced, we see more absurdity
+than talent in representing a sheep as talking to a wolf. To us fables
+now present, not what is strange and difficult of comprehension, but
+mentally fanciful folly. In some few instances in La Fontaine and Gay,
+the wisdom of the lessons atones for the strangeness of their garb, and
+the peculiarity of the dramatis personae may tend to rivet them in our
+minds. There is something also fresh and pleasant in the scenes of
+country life which they bring before us. But the taste for such conceits
+is irrevocably gone, and every attempt to revive it, even when
+recommended by such ingenuity and talent as that of Owen Meredith, only
+tends to prove the fact more incontestably. In Russia, a younger nation
+than ours, the fables of Kriloff had a considerable sale at the
+beginning of this century, but they had a political meaning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Defoe--Irony--Ode to the Pillory--The "Comical Pilgrim"--The "Scandalous
+  Club"--Humorous Periodicals--Heraclitus Ridens--The London Spy--The
+  British Apollo.
+
+
+Defoe was born in 1663, and was the son of a butcher in St. Giles'. He
+first distinguished himself by writing in 1699 a poetical satire
+entitled "The True Born Englishman," in honour of King William and the
+Dutch, and in derision of the nobility of this country, who did not much
+appreciate the foreign court. The poem abounded with rough and rude
+sarcasm. After giving an uncomplimentary description of the English, he
+proceeds to trace their descent--
+
+  "These are the heroes that despise the Dutch
+  And rail at new-come foreigners so much,
+  Forgetting that themselves are all derived
+  From the most scoundrel race that ever lived;
+  A horrid race of rambling thieves and drones
+  Who ransacked kingdoms and dispeopled towns;
+  The Pict and painted Briton, treacherous Scot,
+  By hunger, theft, and rapine hither brought;
+  Norwegian pirates, buccaneering Danes,
+  Whose red-haired offspring everywhere remains;
+  Who joined with Norman-French compound the breed
+  From whence your true-born Englishmen proceed.
+  Dutch, Walloons, Flemings, Irishmen, and Scots,
+  Vaudois, and Valtolins and Huguenots,
+  In good Queen Bess's charitable reign,
+  Supplied us with three hundred thousand men;
+  Religion--God we thank! sent them hither,
+  Priests, protestants, the devil, and all together."
+
+The first part concludes with a view of the low origin of some of our
+nobles.
+
+  "Innumerable city knights we know
+  From Bluecoat hospitals and Bridewell flow,
+  Draymen and porters fill the City chair,
+  And footboys magisterial purple wear.
+  Fate has but very small distinction set
+  Betwixt the counter and the coronet.
+  Tarpaulin lords, pages of high renown
+  Rise up by poor men's valour, not their own;
+  Great families of yesterday we show
+  And lords, whose parents were the Lord knows who."
+
+So much keen and clever invective levelled at the higher classes of
+course had its reward in a wide circulation; but we are surprised to
+hear that the King noticed it with favour; the author was honoured with
+a personal interview, and became a still stronger partizan of the court.
+Defoe called the "True Born Englishman",
+
+                "A contradiction
+  In speech an irony, in fact a fiction;"
+
+and we may observe that he was particularly fond of an indirect and
+covert style of writing. He thought that he could thus use his weapons
+to most advantage, but his disguise was seen through by his enemies as
+well as by his friends. Irony--the stating the reverse of what is meant,
+whether good or bad--is often resorted to by those treading on
+dangerous ground, and admits of two very different interpretations. It
+is especially ambiguous in writing, and should be used with caution.
+Defoe's "Shortest Way with the Dissenters" was first attributed to a
+High Churchman, but soon was recognised as the work of a Dissenter. He
+explained that he intended the opposite of what he had said, and was
+merely deprecating measures being taken against his brethren; but his
+enemies considered that his real object was to exasperate them against
+the Government. Even if taken ironically, it hardly seemed venial to
+call furiously for the extermination of heretics, or to raise such
+lamentation as, "Alas! for the Church of England! What with popery on
+one hand, and schismatics on the other, how has she been crucified
+between two thieves!" Experience had not then taught that it was better
+to let such effusions pass for what they were worth, and Defoe was
+sentenced to stand in the pillory, and suffer fine and imprisonment He
+does not seem to have been in such low spirits as we might have expected
+during his incarceration, for he employed part of his time in composing
+his "Hymn to the Pillory,"
+
+  "Hail hieroglyphic state machine,
+  Contrived to punish fancy in:
+  Men that are men in thee can feel no pain,
+  And all thy insignificants disdain."
+
+He continues in a strong course of invective against certain persons
+whom he thinks really worthy of being thus punished, and proceeds--
+
+  "But justice is inverted when
+    Those engines of the law,
+  Instead of pinching vicious men
+    Keep honest ones in awe:
+  Thy business is, as all men know,
+  To punish villains, not to make men so.
+
+  "Whenever then thou art prepared
+  To prompt that vice thou shouldst reward,
+  And by the terrors of thy grisly face,
+  Make men turn rogues to shun disgrace;
+  The end of thy creation is destroyed
+  Justice expires of course, and law's made void.
+
+  "Thou like the devil dost appear
+  Blacker than really thou art far,
+  A wild chimeric notion of reproach
+  Too little for a crime, for none too much,
+  Let none the indignity resent,
+  For crime is all the shame of punishment.
+  Thou bugbear of the law stand up and speak
+  Thy long misconstrued silence break,
+  Tell us who 'tis upon thy ridge stands there
+  So full of fault, and yet so void of fear,
+  And from the paper on his hat,
+  Let all mankind be told for what."
+
+These lines refer to his own condemnation, and the piece concludes,--
+
+  "Tell them the men who placed him here
+  Are friends unto the times,
+  But at a loss to find his guile
+  They can't commit his crimes."
+
+Defoe seems to have thoroughly imbibed the ascetic spirit of his
+brethren. He was fond of denouncing social as well as political
+vanities. The "Comical Pilgrim" contains a considerable amount of coarse
+humour, and in one place the supposed cynic inveighs against the drama,
+and describes the audience at a theatre--
+
+"The audience in the upper gallery is composed of lawyers, clerks,
+valets-de-chambre, exchange girls, chambermaids, and skip-kennels, who
+at the last act are let in gratis in favour to their masters being
+benefactors to the devil's servants. The middle gallery is taken up by
+the middling sort of people, as citizens, their wives and daughters, and
+other jilts. The boxes are filled with lords and ladies, who give money
+to see their follies exposed by fellows as wicked as themselves. And the
+pit, which lively represents the pit of hell, is crammed with those
+insignificant animals called beaux, whose character nothing but wonder
+and shame can compose; for a modern beau, you must know, is a pretty,
+neat, fantastic outside of a man, a well-digested bundle of costly
+vanities, and you may call him a volume of methodical errata bound in a
+gilt cover. He's a curiously wrought cabinet full of shells and other
+trumpery, which were much better quite empty than so emptily filled.
+He's a man's skin full of profaneness, a paradise full of weeds, a
+heaven full of devils, a Satan's bedchamber hung with arras of God's own
+making. He can be thought no better than a Promethean man; at best but a
+lump of animated dust kneaded into human shape, and if he has only such
+a thing as a soul it seems to be patched up with more vices than are
+patches in a poor Spaniard's coat. His general employment is to scorn
+all business, but the study of the modes and vices of the times, and you
+may look upon him as upon the painted sign of a man hung up in the air,
+only to be tossed to and fro with every wind of temptation and vanity."
+
+It would appear that servants had in his day many of the faults which
+characterise some of them at present. In "Everybody's Business is
+Nobody's Business" we have an amusing picture of the over-dressed maid
+of the period.
+
+"The apparel," he says, "of our women-servants should be next regulated,
+that we may know the mistress from the maid. I remember I was once put
+very much to the blush, being at a friend's house, and by him required
+to salute the ladies. I kissed the chamber-jade into the bargain, for
+she was as well dressed as the best. But I was soon undeceived by a
+general titter, which gave me the utmost confusion; nor can I believe
+myself the only person who has made such a mistake."
+
+Again "I have been at places where the maid has been so dizzied with
+idle compliments that she has mistook one thing for another, and not
+regarded her mistress in the least, but put on all the flirting airs
+imaginable. This behaviour is nowhere so much complained of as in
+taverns, coffee houses, and places of public resort, where there are
+handsome barkeepers, &c. These creatures being puffed up with the
+fulsome flattery of a set of flies, which are continually buzzing about
+them, carry themselves with the utmost insolence imaginable--insomuch
+that you must speak to them with the utmost deference, or you are sure
+to be affronted. Being at a coffee-house the other day, where one of
+these ladies kept the bar, I bespoke a dish of rice tea, but Madam was
+so taken up with her sparks that she quite forgot it. I spoke for it
+again, and with some temper, but was answered after a most taunting
+manner, not without a toss of the head, a contraction of the nostrils,
+and other impertinences, too many to enumerate. Seeing myself thus
+publickly insulted by such an animal, I could not choose but show my
+resentment. 'Woman,' said I sternly, 'I want a dish of rice tea, and not
+what your vanity and impudence may imagine; therefore treat me as a
+gentleman and a customer, and serve me with what I call for. Keep your
+impertinent repartees and impudent behaviour for the coxcombs that swarm
+round your bar, and make you so vain of your blown carcass.' And indeed,
+I believe the insolence of this creature will ruin her master at last,
+by driving away men of sobriety and business, and making the place a den
+of vagabonds."
+
+In July, 1704, Defoe commenced a periodical which he called a "Review of
+the Affairs of France." It appeared twice, and afterwards three times a
+week. From the introduction, we might conclude that the periodical,
+though principally containing war intelligence, would be partly of a
+humorous nature. He says--
+
+"After our serious matters are over, we shall at the end of every paper
+present you with a little diversion, as anything occurs to make the
+world merry; and whether friend or foe, one party or another, if
+anything happens so scandalous as to require an open reproof, the world
+may meet with it there. Accordingly at the end of every paper we find
+'Advice for the Scandalous Club: A weekly history of Nonsense,
+Impertinence, Vice, and Debauchery.'" This contained a considerable
+amount of indelicacy, and the humour was too much connected with
+ephemeral circumstances of the times to be very amusing at the present
+day. The Scandalous Club was a kind of Court of Morals, before whom all
+kinds of offences were brought for judgment, and it also settled
+questions on love affairs in a very judicious manner. Some of the advice
+is prompted by letters asking for it, but it is probable that they were
+mostly fictitious and written by Defoe himself. Many of the shafts in
+this Review were directed against magistrates, and other men in
+authority. Thus we read in April 18, 1704:
+
+"An honest country fellow made a complaint to the Club that he had been
+set in the stocks by the Justice of the Peace without any manner of
+reason. He told them that he happened to get a little drunk one night at
+a fair, and being somewhat quarrelsome, had beaten a man in his
+neighbourhood, broke his windows, and two or three such odd tricks.
+'Well, friend,' said the Director of the Society, 'and was it for this
+the Justice set you in the stocks?' 'Yes!' replied the man. 'And don't
+you think you deserved it?' said the Director. 'Why, yes, Sir,' says the
+honest man; 'I had deserved it from you, if you had been the Justice,
+but I did not deserve it from Sir Edward--for it was not above a month
+before that he was so drunk that he fell into our mill-pond, and if I
+had not lugged him out he would have been drowned.' The Society told him
+he was a knave, and then voted 'that the Justice had done him no wrong
+in setting him in the stocks--but that he had done the nation wrong
+when he pulled him out of the pond,' and caused it to be entered in
+their books--'That Sir Edward was but an indifferent Justice of the
+Peace.'"
+
+Sometimes religious subjects are touched upon. The following may be
+interesting at the present day--
+
+"There happened a great and bloody fight this week, (July 18th 1704),
+between two ladies of quality, one a Roman Catholic, the other a
+Protestant; and as the matter had come to blows, and beauty was
+concerned in the quarrel, having been not a little defaced by the
+rudeness of the scratching sex, the neighbours were called in to part
+the fray, and upon debate the quarrel was referred to the Scandalous
+Club. The matter was this:
+
+"The Roman Catholic lady meets the Protestant lady in the Park, and
+found herself obliged every time she passed her to make a reverent
+curtsey, though she had no knowledge of her or acquaintance with her.
+The Protestant lady received it at first as a civility, but afterwards
+took it for a banter, and at last for an affront, and sends her woman to
+know the meaning of it. The Catholic lady returned for answer that she
+did not make her honours to the lady, for she knew no respect she
+deserved, but to the diamond cross she wore about her neck, which she,
+being a heretic, did not deserve to wear. The Protestant lady sent her
+an angry message, and withal some reflecting words upon the cross
+itself, which ended the present debate, but occasioned a solemn visit
+from the Catholic lady to the Protestant, where they fell into grievous
+disputes; and one word followed another till the Protestant lady offered
+some indignities to the jewel, took it from her neck and set her foot
+upon it--which so provoked the other lady that they fell to blows, till
+the waiting-women, having in vain attempted to part them, the footmen
+were fain to be called in. After they were parted, they ended the battle
+with their other missive weapon, the tongue--and there was all the
+eloquence of Billingsgate on both sides more than enough. At last, by
+the advice of friends it was, as is before noted, brought before the
+Society."
+
+The judgment was that for a Protestant to wear a cross was a
+"ridiculous, scandalous piece of vanity"--that it should only be worn in
+a religious sense, and with due respect, and is not more fitting to be
+used as an ornament than "a gibbet, which, worn about the neck, would
+make but a scurvy figure."
+
+Most of the stories show the democratic tendencies of the writer, for
+instance--
+
+"A poor man's cow had got into a rich man's corn, and he put her into
+the pound; the poor man offered satisfaction, but the rich man insisted
+on unreasonable terms, and both went to the Justice of the Peace. The
+Justice advised the man to comply, for he could not help him; at last
+the rich man came to this point; he would have ten shillings for the
+damage. 'And will you have ten shillings,' says the poor man, 'for six
+pennyworth of damage?' 'Yes, I will,' says the rich man. 'Then the devil
+will have you,' says the poor man. 'Well,' says the rich man, 'let the
+devil and I alone to agree about that, give me the ten shillings.'"
+
+"A gentleman came with a great equipage and a fine coach to the Society,
+and desired to be heard. He told them a long story of his wife; how
+ill-natured, how sullen, how unkind she was, and that in short she made
+his life very uncomfortable. The Society asked him several questions
+about her, whether she was
+
+"Unfaithful? No.
+
+"A thief? No.
+
+"A Slut? No.
+
+"A scold? No.
+
+"A drunkard? No.
+
+"A Gossip? No.
+
+"But still she was an ill wife, and very bad wife, and he did not know
+what to do with her. At last one of the Society asked him, 'If his
+worship was a good husband,' at which being a little surprised, he could
+not tell what to say. Whereupon the Club resolved,
+
+"1. That most women that are bad wives are made so by their husbands. 2.
+That this Society will hear no complaint against a virtuous bad wife
+from a vicious good husband. 3. He that has a bad wife and can't find
+the reason of it in her, 'tis ten to one that he finds it in himself."
+
+Sometimes correspondents ask advice as to which of several lovers they
+should choose. The following applicants have a different grievances.
+
+"Gentlemen.--There are no less than sixty ladies of us, all neighbours,
+dwelling in the same village, that are now arrived at those years at
+which we expect (if ever) to be caressed and adored, or, at least
+flattered. We have often heard of the attempts of whining lovers; of the
+charming poems they had composed in praise of their mistresses' wit and
+beauty (tho' they have not had half so much of either of them as the
+meanest in our company), of the passions of their love, and that death
+itself had presently followed upon a denial. But we find now that the
+men, especially of our village, are so dull and lumpish, so languid and
+indifferent, that we are almost forced to put words into their mouths,
+and when they have got them they have scarce spirit to utter them. So
+that we are apt to fear it will be the fate of all of us, as it is
+already of some, to live to be old maids. Now the thing, Gentlemen, that
+we desire of you is, that, if possible, you would let us understand the
+reason why the case is so mightily altered from what it was formerly;
+for our experience is so vastly different from what we have heard, that
+we are ready to believe that all the stories we have heard of lovers and
+their mistresses are fictions and mere banter."
+
+The case of these ladies is indeed to be pitied, and the Society have
+been further informed that the backwardness or fewness of the men in
+that town has driven the poor ladies to unusual extremities, such as
+running out into the fields to meet the men, and sending their maids to
+ask them; and at last running away with their fathers' coachmen,
+prentices, and the like, to the particular scandal of the town.
+
+The Society concluded that the ladies should leave the village "famous
+for having more coaches than Christians in it," as a learned man once
+took the freedom to tell them "from the pulpit" and go to market,
+_i.e._, to London.
+
+The "Advice of the Scandalous Club" was discontinued from May, 1703.
+
+Although we cannot say that Defoe carried his sword in a myrtle wreath,
+he certainly owed much of his celebrity to his insinuating under
+ambiguous language the boldest political opinions. He was fond of
+literary whimsicalities, and wrote a humorous "History," referring
+mostly to the events of the times. Towards the end of his career, he
+happily turned his talent for disguises and fictions into a quieter and
+more profitable direction. How many thousands remember him as the author
+of "Robinson Crusoe" who never heard a word about his jousts and
+conflicts, his animosities and misfortunes!
+
+The last century, although adorned by several celebrated wits, was less
+rich in humour than the present. Literature had a grave and pedantic
+character, for where there was any mental activity, instruction was
+sought almost to the exclusion of gaiety. It required a greater spread
+of education and experience to create a source of superior humour, or to
+awaken any considerable demand for it. Hence, although the taste was so
+increased that several periodicals of a professedly humorous nature were
+started, they disappeared soon after their commencement. To record their
+brief existence is like writing the epitaphs of the departed. Towards
+the termination of the previous century, comic literature was
+represented by an occasional fly-sheet, shot off to satirize some
+absurdity of the day. The first humorous periodical which has come to
+our knowledge, partakes, as might have been expected, of an
+ecclesiastical character and betokens the severity of the times. It
+appeared in 1670, under the title of "Jesuita Vapulans, or a Whip for
+the Fool's Back, and a Gad for his Foul Mouth." The next seems to have
+been a small weekly paper called "Heraclitus Ridens," published in 1681.
+It was mostly directed against Dissenters and Republicans; and in No. 9,
+we have a kind of Litany commencing:--
+
+  "From Commonwealth, Cobblers and zealous State Tinkers,
+  From Speeches and Expedients of Politick Blinkers,
+  From Rebellion, Taps, and Tapsters, and Skinkers,
+            Libera Nos.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "From Papists on one hand, and Phanatick on th' other,
+  From Presbyter Jack, the Pope's younger brother,
+  And Congregational Daughters, far worse than their Mother,
+            Libera Nos."
+
+In the same year appeared "Hippocrates Ridens," directed against quacks
+and pretenders to physic, who seem then to have been numerous. The
+contents of these papers were mostly in dialogue--a form which seems to
+have been approved, as it was afterwards adopted in similar
+publications. These papers do not seem to have been written by
+contributors from the public, but by one or two persons, and this, I
+believe, was the case with all the periodicals of this time, and one
+cause of their want of permanence--the periodical was not carried on by
+an editor, but by its author.
+
+The "London Spy" appeared in 1699, and went through eighteen monthly
+parts. Any one who wishes to find a merry description of London manners
+at the end of the seventeenth century, cannot look in a better place. It
+was written by Edward (Ned) Ward, author of an indifferent narrative
+entitled "A Trip to Jamaica;" but he must have possessed considerable
+observation and talent. A man who proposes to visit and unmask all the
+places of resort, high and low in the metropolis, could not have much
+refinement in his nature, but at the present day we cannot help
+wondering how a work should have been published and bought, containing
+so much gross language.
+
+Under the character of a countryman who has come up to see the world, he
+gives us some amusing glimpses of the metropolis, for instance. He goes
+to dine with some beaux at a tavern, and gives the following description
+of the entertainment:--
+
+     "As soon as we came near the bar, a thing started up all ribbons,
+     lace, and feathers, and made such a noise with her bell and her
+     tongue together, that had half-a-dozen paper-mills been at work
+     within three yards of her, they'd have signified no more to her
+     clamorous voice than so many lutes to a drum, which alarmed two or
+     three nimble-heel'd fellows aloft, who shot themselves downstairs
+     with as much celerity as a mountebank's Mercury upon a rope from
+     the top of a church-steeple, every one charged with a mouthful of
+     'coming! coming!' This sudden clatter at our appearance so
+     surprised me that I looked as silly as a bumpkin translated from
+     the plough-tail to the play-house, when it rains fire in the
+     tempest, or when Don John's at dinner with the subterranean
+     assembly of terrible hobgoblins. He that got the start and first
+     approached us of these greyhound-footed emissaries, desir'd us to
+     walk up, telling my companion his friends were above; then with a
+     hop, stride and jump, ascended the stair-head before us, and from
+     thence conducted us to a spacious room, where about a dozen of my
+     schoolfellow's acquaintances were ready to receive us. Upon our
+     entrance they all started up, and on a suddain screwed themselves
+     into so many antick postures, that had I not seen them first erect,
+     I should have query'd with myself, whether I was fallen into the
+     company of men or monkeys.
+
+     "This academical fit of riggling agility was almost over before I
+     rightly understood the meaning on't, and found at last they were
+     only showing one another how many sorts of apes' gestures and fops'
+     cringes had been invented since the French dancing-masters
+     undertook to teach our English gentry to make scaramouches of
+     themselves; and how to entertain their poor friends, and pacifie
+     their needy creditors with compliments and congies. When every
+     person with abundance of pains had shown the ultimate of his
+     breeding, contending about a quarter of an hour who should sit down
+     first, as if we waited the coming of some herauld to fix us in our
+     proper places, which with much difficulty being at last agreed on,
+     we proceed to a whet of old hock to sharpen our appetites to our
+     approaching dinner; though I confess my stomach was as keen already
+     as a greyhound's to his supper after a day's coursing, or a miserly
+     livery-man's, who had fasted three days to prepare himself for a
+     Lord Mayor's feast. The honest cook gave us no leisure to tire our
+     appetites by a tedious expectancy; for in a little time the cloth
+     was laid, and our first course was ushered up by the _dominus
+     factotum_ in great order to the table, which consisted of two
+     calves'-heads and a couple of geese. I could not but laugh in my
+     conceit to think with what judgment the caterer had provided so
+     lucky an entertainment for so suitable a company. After the
+     victuals were pretty well cooled, in complimenting who should begin
+     first, we all fell to; and i'faith I found by their eating, they
+     were no ways affronted by their fare; for in less time than an old
+     woman could crack a nut, we had not left enough to dine the
+     bar-boy. The conclusion of our dinner was a stately Cheshire
+     cheese, of a groaning size, of which we devoured more in three
+     minutes than a million of maggots could have done in three weeks.
+     After cheese comes nothing; then all we desired was a clear stage
+     and no favour; accordingly everything was whipped away in a trice
+     by so cleanly a conveyance, that no juggler by virtue of Hocus
+     Pocus could have conjured away balls with more dexterity. All our
+     empty plates and dishes were in an instant changed into full quarts
+     of purple nectar and unsullied glasses. Then a bumper to the Queen
+     led the van of our good wishes, another to the Church Established,
+     a third left to the whimsie of the toaster, till at last their
+     slippery engines of verbosity coined nonsense with such a facil
+     fluency, that a parcel of alley-gossips at a christening, after the
+     sack had gone twice round, could not with their tattling tormentors
+     be a greater plague to a fumbling godfather, than their lame jest
+     and impertinent conundrums were to a man of my temper. Oaths were
+     as plenty as weeds in an alms-house garden.
+
+     "The night was spent in another tavern in harmony, the songs being
+     such as:--
+
+      "Musicks a crotchet the sober think vain,
+      The fiddle's a wooden projection,
+      Tunes are but flirts of a whimsical brain,
+      Which the bottle brings best to perfection:
+      Musicians are half-witted, merry and mad,
+      The same are all those that admire 'em,
+      They're fools if they play unless they're well paid,
+      And the others are blockheads to hire 'em."
+
+
+
+Perhaps the most interesting account is that of St. Paul's
+Cathedral--then in progress. We all know that it was nearly fifty years
+in building, but have not perhaps been aware of all the causes of the
+delay:--
+
+     "Thence we turned through the west gate of St. Paul's Churchyard,
+     where we saw a parcel of stone-cutters and sawyers so very hard at
+     work, that I protest, notwithstanding the vehemency of their
+     labour, and the temperateness of the season, instead of using their
+     handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat off their faces, they were most of
+     them blowing their nails. 'Bless me!' said I to my friend, 'sure
+     this church stands in a colder climate than the rest of the nation,
+     or else those fellows are of a strange constitution to seem ready
+     to freeze at such warm exercise.' 'You must consider,' says my
+     friend, 'this is work carried on at a national charge, and ought
+     not to be hastened on in a hurry; for the greater reputation it
+     will gain when it's finished will be, "That it was so many years in
+     building."' From thence we moved up a long wooden bridge that led
+     to the west porticum of the church, where we intermixed with such a
+     train of promiscuous rabble that I fancied we looked like the
+     beasts driving into the ark in order to replenish a new succeeding
+     world....
+
+     "We went a little farther, where we observed ten men in a corner,
+     very busie about two men's work, taking as much care that everyone
+     should have his due proportion of the labour, as so many thieves in
+     making an exact division of their booty. The wonderful piece of
+     difficulty, the whole number had to perform, was to drag along a
+     stone of about three hundred weight in a carriage in order to be
+     hoisted upon the moldings of the cupula, but were so fearful of
+     dispatching this facile undertaking with too much expedition, that
+     they were longer in hauling on't half the length of the church,
+     than a couple of lusty porters, I am certain, would have been
+     carrying it to Paddington, without resting of their burthen.
+
+     "We took notice of the vast distance of the pillars from whence
+     they turn the cupula, on which, they say, is a spire to be erected
+     three hundred feet in height, whose towering pinnacle will stand
+     with such stupendous loftiness above Bow Steeple dragon or the
+     Monument's flaming urn, that it will appear to the rest of the Holy
+     Temples like a cedar of Lebanon, among so many shrubs, or a Goliath
+     looking over the shoulders of so many Davids."
+
+"The British Apollo, or curious Amusements for the Ingenious, performed
+by a Society of Gentlemen;" appeared in 1708, and seems to have been a
+weekly periodical, and to have been soon discontinued. The greater part
+of it consisted of questions and answers. Information was desired on all
+sorts of abstruse and absurd points--some scriptural, others referring
+to natural philosophy, or to matters of social interest.
+
+     _Question._ Messieurs. Pray instruct your Petitioner how he shall
+     go away for the ensuing Long Vacation, having little liberty, and
+     less money.                  Yours, SOLITARY.
+
+     _Answer._ Study the virtues of patience and abstinence. A right
+     judgment in the theory may make the practice more agreeable.
+
+     _Ques._ Gentlemen. I desire your resolution of the following
+     question, and you will oblige your humble servant, Sylvia. Whether
+     a woman hath not a right to know all her husband's concerns, and in
+     particular whether she may not demand a sight of all the letters he
+     receives, which if he denies, whether she may not open them
+     privately without his consent?
+
+     _Ans._ Gently, gently, good nimble-fingered lady, you run us out of
+     breath and patience to trace your unexampled ambition. What! break
+     open your husband's letters! no, no; that privilege once granted,
+     no chain could hold you; you would soon proceed to break in upon
+     his conjugal affection, and commit a burglary upon the cabinet of
+     his authority. But to be serious, although a well-bred husband
+     would hardly deny a wife the satisfaction of perusing his familiar
+     letters, we can noways think it prudent, much less his duty, to
+     communicate all to her; since most men, especially such as are
+     employed in public affairs, are often trusted with important
+     secrets, and such as no wife can reasonably pretend to claim
+     knowledge of.
+
+     _Ques._ Apollo say,
+     Whence 'tis I pray,
+     The ancient custom came,
+     Stockins to throw
+     (I'm sure you know,)
+     At bridegroom and dame?
+
+     _Ans._ When Britons bold
+     Bedded of old,
+     Sandals were backward thrown,
+     The pair to tell,
+      That ill or well,
+    The act was all their own.
+
+     _Ques._ Long by Orlinda's precepts did I move,
+     Nor was my heart a foe or slave to love,
+     My soul was free and calm, no storm appeared,
+     While my own sex my love and friendship shared;
+     The men with due respect I always used,
+     And proffered hearts still civilly refused.
+     This was my state when young Alexis came
+     With all the expressions of an ardent flame,
+     He baffles all the objections I can make,
+     And slights superior matches for my sake;
+     Our humour seem for one another made,
+     And all things else in equal ballance laid;
+     I love him too, and could vouchsafe to wear
+     The matrimonial hoop, but that I fear
+     His love should not continue, cause I'm told,
+     That women sooner far than men grow old;
+     I, by some years, am eldest of the two,
+     Therefore, pray Sirs, advise me what to do.
+
+     _Ans._ If 'tis your age alone retards your love,
+     You may with ease that groundless fear remove;
+     For if you're older, you are wiser too,
+     Since few in wit must hope to equal you.
+     You may securely, therefore, crown a joy,
+     Not all the plagues of Hymen can destroy,
+     For tho' in marriage some unhappy be,
+     They are not, sure, so fair, so wise as thee.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Swift--"Tale of a Tub"--Essays--Gulliver's Travels--Variety of Swift's
+  Humour--Riddles--Stella's Wit--Directions for Servants--Arbuthnot.
+
+
+The year 1667 saw the birth of Swift, one of the most highly gifted and
+successful humorists any country ever produced. A bright fancy runs like
+a vein of gold through nearly all his writings, and enriches the wide
+and varied field upon which he enters. He says of himself--
+
+  "Swift had the sin of wit, no venial crime;
+  Nay, 'tis affirmed he sometimes dealt in rhyme:
+  Humour and mirth had place in all he writ,
+  He reconciled divinity and wit."
+
+Whether religion, politics, social follies, or domestic peculiarities
+come before him, he was irresistibly tempted to regard them in a
+ludicrous point of view. He observes--
+
+     "It is my peculiar case to be often under a temptation to be witty,
+     upon occasions where I could be neither wise nor sound, nor
+     anything to the matter in hand."
+
+This general tendency was the foundation of his fortunes, and gained him
+the favour of Sir William Temple, and of such noblemen as Berkeley,
+Oxford, and Bolingbroke. They could nowhere find so pleasant a
+companion, for his natural talent was improved by cultivation, and it is
+when humour is united with learning--a rare combination--that it attains
+its highest excellence. There was much classical erudition at that day,
+and it was exhibited by men of letters in their ordinary conversation in
+a way which would appear to us pedantic. Thus many of Swift's best
+sayings turned on an allusion to some ancient author, as when speaking
+of the emptiness of modern writers, who depend upon compilations and
+digressions for filling up a treatise "that shall make a very comely
+figure on a bookseller's shelf, there to be preserved neat and clean for
+a long eternity, never to be thumbed or greased by students: but when
+the fulness of time is come, shall happily undergo the trial of
+purgatory in order to ascend the sky." He continues:--
+
+     "From such elements as these I am alive to behold the day, wherein
+     the corporation of authors can outvie all its brethren in the
+     guild. A happiness derived to us, with a great many others, from
+     our Scythian ancestors, among whom the number of pens was so
+     infinite that Grecian eloquence had no other way of expressing it
+     than by saying that in the regions of the north it was hardly
+     possible for a man to travel--the very air was so replete with
+     feathers."
+
+The above is taken from the "Tale of a Tub" published in 1704, but never
+directly owned by him. At the commencement of it he says that,
+
+     "Wisdom is a fox, who after long hunting will at last cost you the
+     pains to dig out; it is a cheese which, by how much the richer, has
+     the thicker, the homelier, and the coarser coat; and whereof to a
+     judicious palate the maggots are the best; it is a sack posset,
+     wherein the deeper you go you will find it the sweeter. Wisdom is a
+     hen, whose cackling we must value and consider, because it is
+     attended with an egg, but then, lastly, it is a nut, which unless
+     you choose with judgment may cost you a tooth, and pay you with
+     nothing but a worm."
+
+He attacks indiscriminately the Pope, Luther, and Calvin. Of the first
+he says--
+
+     "I have seen him, Peter, in his fits take three old high-crowned
+     hats, and clap them all on his head three story high, with a huge
+     bunch of keys at his girdle, and an angling rod in his left hand.
+     In which guise, whoever went to take him by the hand in the way of
+     salutation, Peter with much grace, like a well educated spaniel,
+     would present them with his foot; and if they refused his civility,
+     then he would raise it as high as their chaps, and give them a
+     damned kick in the mouth, which has ever since been called a
+     salute."
+
+He also ridicules Transubstantiation, representing Peter as asking his
+brothers to dine, and giving them a loaf of bread, and insisting that it
+was mutton.
+
+In the history of Martin Luther--a continuation of the "Tale of a Tub,"
+he represents Queen Elizabeth as "setting up a shop for those of her own
+farm, well furnished with powders, plasters, salves, and all other drugs
+necessary, all right and true, composed according to receipts made by
+physicians and apothecaries of her own creating, which they extracted
+out of Peter's, Martin's, and Jack's receipt books; and of this muddle
+and hodge-podge made up a dispensary of their own--strictly forbidding
+any other to be used, and particularly Peter's, from whom the greater
+part of this new dispensatory was stolen."
+
+At the conclusion of the "Tale of a Tub," he says, "Among a very polite
+nation in Greece there were the same temples built and consecrated to
+Sleep and the Muses, between which two deities they believed the
+greatest friendship was established. He says he differs from other
+writers in that he shall be too proud, if by all his labours he has any
+ways contributed to the repose of mankind in times so turbulent and
+unquiet."
+
+It is evident from this work, as from the "Battle of the Books," "The
+Spider and the Bee," and other of his writings, that Allegory was still
+in high favour.
+
+Swift first appeared as a professed author in 1708, when he wrote
+against astrologers, and prophetic almanack-makers, called
+philomaths--then numerous, but now only represented by Zadkiel. This
+Essay was one of those, which gave rise to "The Tatler." He wrote about
+the same time, "An argument against Christianity"--an ironical way of
+rebuking the irreligion of the time--
+
+     "It is urged that there are by computation in this kingdom above
+     ten thousand persons, whose revenues added to those of my lords the
+     bishops, would suffice to maintain two hundred young gentlemen of
+     wit and pleasure, and freethinking,--enemies to priestcraft, narrow
+     principles, pedantry, and prejudices; who might be an ornament to
+     the court and town; and then again, so great a body of able
+     (bodied) divines might be a recruit to our fleet and armies."
+
+     "Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity is
+     the clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and
+     consequently the kingdom one seventh less in trade, business, and
+     pleasure; besides the loss to the public of so many stately
+     structures, now in the hands of the clergy, which might be
+     converted into play-houses, market-houses, exchanges, common
+     dormitories, and other public edifices. I hope I shall be forgiven
+     a hard word, if I call this a perfect _cavil_. I readily own there
+     has been an old custom, time out of mind, for people to assemble in
+     the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still frequently
+     shut, in order, as it is conceived, to preserve the ancient
+     practice, but how they can be a hindrance to business or pleasure
+     it is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced one
+     day in the week to game at home instead of in the chocolate houses?
+     Are not the taverns and coffee-houses open? Is not that the chief
+     day for traders to sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers
+     to prepare their briefs.... But I would fain know how it can be
+     contended that the churches are misapplied? Where more care to
+     appear in the foremost box with greater advantage of dress. Where
+     more meetings for business, where more bargains are driven, and
+     where so many conveniences and enticements to sleep?"
+
+     "I am very sensible how much the gentlemen of wit and pleasure are
+     apt to murmur, and be choked at the sight of so many draggle-tailed
+     parsons, who happen to fall in their way and offend their eyes; but
+     at the same time, these wise reformers do not consider what an
+     advantage and felicity it is for great wits to be always provided
+     with objects of scorn and contempt, in order to exercise and
+     improve their talents, and divert their spleen from falling on each
+     other, or on themselves; especially, when all this may be done
+     without the least imaginable danger to their persons."
+
+     "And to add another argument of a parallel nature--if Christianity
+     were once abolished, how could the free-thinkers, the strong
+     reasoners, and the men of profound learning be able to find another
+     subject so calculated in all points, whereon to display their
+     abilities? What wonderful productions of wit should we be deprived
+     of, from those whose genius, by continual practice, has been wholly
+     turned upon raillery and invectives against religion, and would,
+     therefore never be able to shine or distinguish themselves upon any
+     other subject! We are daily complaining of the great decline of Wit
+     among us, and would we take away the greatest, perhaps the only
+     topic we have left? Who would ever have suspected Asgil for a wit,
+     and Toland for a philosopher, if the inexhaustible supply of
+     Christianity had not been at hand to provide them with materials?
+     What other subject through all Art and Nature could have produced
+     Tindal for a profound author, and furnished him with readers? It is
+     the wise choice of the subject, which alone adorns and
+     distinguishes the writer. For had a hundred such pens as these been
+     employed on the side of religion, they would have sunk into silence
+     and oblivion."
+
+Pope claims to have shadowed forth such a work as Gulliver's Travels in
+the Memoirs of Martin Scriblerus; but Swift, no doubt, took the idea
+from Lucian's "True History." He was also indebted to Philostratus, who
+speaks of an army of pigmies attacking Hercules. Something may also have
+been gathered from Defoe's minuteness of detail; and he made use of all
+these with a master-hand to improve and increase the fertile resources
+of his own mind. Swift produced the work, by which he will always
+survive, and be young. In the voyage to Lilliput he depreciates the
+court and ministers of George I., by comparing them to something
+insignificantly small: in the voyage to Brobdingnag by likening them to
+something grand and noble. But the immortality of the work owes nothing
+to such considerations but everything to humour and fancy, especially to
+the general satire upon human vanity. "The Emperor of Lilliput is taller
+by almost the breadth of my nail than any of his Court, which alone is
+enough to strike awe into beholders."
+
+In the Honyhuhums, the human race is compared to the Yahoos, and placed
+in a loathsome and ridiculous light. They are represented as most
+irrational creatures, frequently engaged in wars or acrimonious disputes
+as to whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh, whether it be better to
+kiss a post or throw it into the fire, and what is the best colour of a
+coat!--referring to religious disputes between Catholics and
+Protestants. He says, that among the Yahoos, "It is a very justifiable
+cause of war to invade the country after the people have been wasted by
+famine, destroyed by pestilence, or embroiled by factions among
+themselves." With regard to internal matters, "there is a society of men
+among us, bred up from youth in the art of proving by words multiplied
+for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as
+they are paid. In this society all the rest of the people are slaves."
+
+Swift's humour, as has been already intimated, by no means confined
+itself to being a mere vehicle of instruction. It luxuriated in a
+hundred forms, and on every passing subject. He wrote verses for great
+women, and for those who sold oysters and herrings, as well as apples
+and oranges. The flying leaves, so common at that time, contained a
+great variety of squibs and parodies written by him. Here, for instance
+is a travesty of Ambrose Philips' address to Miss Carteret--
+
+  "Happiest of the spaniel race
+  Painter, with thy colours grace,
+  Draw his forehead large and high,
+  Draw his blue and humid eye,
+  Draw his neck, so smooth and round,
+  Little neck, with ribbons bound,
+  And the spreading even back,
+  Soft and sleek, and glossy black,
+  And the tail that gently twines
+  Like the tendrils of the vines,
+  And the silky twisted hair
+  Shadowing thick the velvet ear,
+  Velvet ears, which hanging low
+  O'er the veiny temples flow ..."
+
+He could scarcely stay at an inn without scratching something humorous
+on the window pane. At the Four Crosses in the Wading Street Road,
+Warwickshire, he wrote--
+
+  "Fool to put up four crosses at your door
+  Put up your wife--she's crosser than all four."
+
+On another, he deprecated this scribbling on windows, which, it seems,
+was becoming too general--
+
+  "The sage, who said he should be proud
+  Of windows in his breast
+  Because he ne'er a thought allowed
+  That might not be confessed;
+  His window scrawled, by every rake,
+  His breast again would cover
+  And fairly bid the devil take
+  The diamond and the lover."
+
+The members of the Kit Kat club used to write epigrams in honour of
+their "Toasts" on their wine glasses.[6]
+
+He sometimes amused himself with writing ingenious riddles. Additional
+grace was added to them by giving them a poetic form. They differ from
+modern riddles, which are nearly all prose, and turn upon puns. They
+more resemble the old Greek and Roman enigmas, but have not their
+obscurity or simplicity. Most of them are long, but the following will
+serve as a specimen--
+
+  "We are little airy creatures
+  All of different voice and features;
+  One of us in glass is set,
+  One of us you'll find in jet
+  T'other you may see in tin,
+  And the fourth a box within
+  If the fifth you should pursue,
+  It can never fly from you."
+
+This may have suggested to Miss C. Fanshawe her celebrated enigma on the
+letter H.
+
+The humorous talent possessed by the Dean made him a great acquisition
+in society, and, as it appears, somewhat too fascinating to the fair
+sex. Ladies have never been able to decide satisfactorily why he did not
+marry. It may have been that having lived in grand houses, he did not
+think he had a competent income. In his thoughts on various subjects, he
+says, "Matrimony has many children, Repentance, Discord, Poverty,
+Jealousy, Sickness, Spleen, &c."
+
+His sentimental and platonic friendship with young ladies, to whom he
+gave poetical names, made them historical, but not happy. "Stella," to
+whom he is supposed to have been privately married before her death,
+charmed him with her loveliness and wit. Some of his prettiest pieces,
+in which poetry is intermingled with humour, were written to her. In an
+address to her in 1719, on her attaining thirty-five years of age, after
+speaking of the affection travellers have for the old "Angel Inn," he
+says--
+
+  "Now this is Stella's case in fact
+  An angel's face a little cracked,
+  (Could poets or could painters fix
+  How angels look at thirty-six)
+  This drew us in at first to find
+  In such a form an angel's mind;
+  And every virtue now supplies
+  The fainting rays of Stella's eyes
+  See at her levee crowding swains
+  Whom Stella greatly entertains
+  With breeding humour, wit, and sense
+  And puts them out to small expense,
+  Their mind so plentifully fills
+  And makes such reasonable bills,
+  So little gets, for what she gives
+  We really wonder how she lives,
+  And had her stock been less, no doubt,
+  She must have long ago run out."
+
+Swift says that Stella "always said the best thing in the company," but
+to judge by the specimens he has preserved, this must have been the
+opinion of a lover, unless the society she moved in was extremely dull.
+At the same time those who assert that her allusions were coarse, have
+no good foundation for such a calumny. Her humour contrasted with that
+of the Dean, both in its weakness and its delicacy. Swift was too fond
+of bringing forward into the light what should be concealed, but saw the
+fault in others, and imputed it to an absence of inventive power. He
+writes--
+
+"You do not treat nature wisely by always striving to get beneath the
+surface. What to show and to conceal she knows, it is one of her
+eternal laws to put her best furniture forward."
+
+The last of his writings before his mind gave way was his "Directions to
+Servants." It was compiled apparently from jottings set down in hours of
+idleness, and shows that his love of humour survived as long as any of
+his faculties. He was blamed by Lord Orrery for turning his mind to such
+trifling concerns, and the stricture might have had some weight had not
+his primary object been to amuse. That this was his aim rather than mere
+correction, is evident from the specious reasons he gives for every one
+of his precepts, and he would have found it difficult to choose a
+subject which would meet with a more general response.
+
+The following few extracts will give an idea of the work--
+
+     "Rules that concern all servants in general--When your master or
+     lady calls a servant by name, if that servant be not in the way,
+     none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of
+     drudgery; and masters themselves allow that if a servant comes,
+     when he is called, it is sufficient.
+
+     "When you have done a fault, be always pert and insolent, and
+     behave yourself as if you were the injured person; this will
+     immediately put your master or lady off their mettle.
+
+     "The cook, the butler, the groom, the market-man, and every other
+     servant, who is concerned in the expenses of the family, should act
+     as if his whole master's estate ought to be applied to that
+     peculiar business. For instance, if the cook computes his master's
+     estate to be a thousand pounds a year, he reasonably concludes that
+     a thousand pounds a year will afford meat enough, and therefore he
+     need not be sparing; the butler makes the same judgment; so may
+     the groom and the coachman, and thus every branch of expense will
+     be filled to your master's honour.
+
+     "Take all tradesmen's parts against your master, and when you are
+     sent to buy anything, never offer to cheapen it, but generously pay
+     the full demand. This is highly to your master's honour, and may be
+     some shillings in your pocket, and you are to consider, if your
+     master has paid too much, he can better afford the loss than a poor
+     tradesman.
+
+     "Write your own name and your sweetheart's with the smoke of a
+     candle on the roof of the kitchen, or the servant's hall to show
+     your learning.
+
+     "Lay all faults upon a lap dog or favourite cat, a monkey, a
+     parrot, or a child; or on the servant, who was last turned off; by
+     this rule you will excuse yourself, do no hurt to anybody else, and
+     save your master or lady the trouble and vexation of chiding.
+
+     "When you cut bread for a toast, do not stand idly watching it, but
+     lay it on the coals, and mind your other business; then come back,
+     and if you find it toasted quite through, scrape off the burnt side
+     and serve it up.
+
+     "When a message is sent to your master, be kind to your brother
+     servant who brings it; give him the best liquor in your keeping,
+     for your master's honour; and, at the first opportunity he will do
+     the same to you.
+
+     "When you are to get water for tea, to save firing, and to make
+     more haste, pour it into the tea-kettle from the pot where cabbage
+     or fish have been boiling, which will make it much wholesomer by
+     curing the acid and corroding quality of the tea.
+
+     "Directions to cooks.--Never send up the leg of a fowl at supper,
+     while there is a cat or dog in the house that can be accused of
+     running away with it, but if there happen to be neither, you must
+     lay it upon the rats, or a stray greyhound.
+
+     "When you roast a long joint of meat, be careful only about the
+     middle, and leave the two extreme parts raw, which will serve
+     another time and also save firing.
+
+     "Let a red-hot coal, now and then fall into the dripping pan that
+     the smoke of the dripping may ascend and give the roast meat a high
+     taste.
+
+     "If your dinner miscarries in almost every dish, how could you help
+     it? You were teased by the footman coming into the kitchen; and to
+     prove it, take occasion to be angry, and throw a ladleful of broth
+     on one or two of their liveries.
+
+     "To Footmen.--In order to learn the secrets of other families, tell
+     them those of your masters; thus you will grow a favourite both at
+     home and abroad, and be regarded as a person of importance.
+
+     "Never be seen in the streets with a basket or bundle in your
+     hands, and carry nothing but what you can hide in your pockets,
+     otherwise you will disgrace your calling; to prevent which, always
+     retain a blackguard boy to carry your loads, and if you want
+     farthings, pay him with a good slice of bread or scrap of meat.
+
+     "Let a shoe-boy clean your own boots first, then let him clean your
+     master's. Keep him on purpose for that use, and pay him with
+     scraps. When you are sent on an errand, be sure to edge in some
+     business of your own, either to see your sweetheart, or drink a pot
+     of ale with some brother servants, which is so much time clear
+     gained. Take off the largest dishes and set them on with one hand,
+     to show the ladies your strength and vigour, but always do it
+     between two ladies that if the dish happens to slip, the soup or
+     sauce may fall on their clothes, and not daub the floor."
+
+We think that he might have written "directions" for the masters of his
+day, as by incidental allusions he makes, we find they were not
+unaccustomed to beat their servants.
+
+Sarcasm was Swift's foible. But we must remember that the age in which
+he lived was that of Satire. Humour then took that form as in the latter
+days of Rome. Critical acumen had attained a considerable height, but
+the state of affairs was not sufficiently settled and tranquil to foster
+mutual forbearance and amity. Swift, it must be granted, was not so
+personal as most of his contemporaries, seeking in his wit rather to
+amuse his friends than to wound his rivals. But his scoffing spirit made
+him enemies--some of whom taking advantage of certain expressions on
+church matters in "The Tale of a Tub" prejudiced Queen Anne, and placed
+an insuperable obstacle in the way of his ambition. He writes of
+himself.
+
+  "Had he but spared his tongue and pen
+  He might have rose like other men;
+  But power was never in his thought
+  And wealth he valued not a groat."
+
+In his poem on his own death, written in 1731, he concludes with the
+following general survey--
+
+  "Perhaps I may allow the Dean
+  Had too much satire in his vein;
+  And seemed determined not to starve it,
+  Because no age could more deserve it.
+  Yet malice never was his aim
+  He lashed the vice, but spared the name:
+  No individual could repent
+  Where thousands equally meant;
+  His satire points out no defect
+  But what all mortals may correct:
+  For he abhorred that senseless tribe
+  Who call it humour, when they gibe:
+  He spared a hump or crooked nose
+  Whose owners set not up for beaux.
+  Some genuine dulness moved his pity
+  Unless it offered to be witty.
+  Those who their ignorance confessed
+  He ne'er offended with a jest;
+  But laughed to hear an idiot quote
+  A verse of Horace, learned by drote.
+  He knew a hundred pleasing stories
+  With all the turns of Whigs and Tories;
+  Was cheerful to his dying day,
+  And friends would let him have his way.
+  He gave the little wealth he had
+  To build a house for fools and mad;
+  And showed by one satiric touch,
+  No nation wanted it so much,
+  That kingdom he has left his debtor,
+  I wish it soon may have a better."
+
+We may here mention a minor luminary, which shone in the constellation
+in Queen Anne's classic reign. Pope said that of all the men that he had
+met Arbuthnot had the most prolific wit, allowing Swift only the second
+place. Robinson Crusoe--at first thought to be a true narrative--was
+attributed to him, and in the company who formed themselves into the
+Scriblerus Club to write critiques or rather satires on the literature,
+science and politics of the day, we have the names of Oxford,
+Bolingbroke, Swift, Pope, Gay, and Arbuthnot. Of the last, who seems to
+have written mostly in prose, a few works survive devoid of all the
+coarseness which stains most contemporary productions and also deficient
+in point of wit. It is noteworthy that the two authors who endeavoured
+to introduce a greater delicacy into the literature of the day, were
+both court physicians to Queen Anne. The death of this sovereign caused
+the Scriblerus project to be abandoned, but Gulliver's Travels, which
+had formed part of it, were afterwards continued, and some of the
+introductory papers remain, especially one called "Martinus Scriblerus,"
+supposed to have been the work of Arbuthnot. It contains a violent
+onslaught principally upon Sir Richard Blackmore's poetry, such as we
+should more easily attribute to Pope, or at least to his suggestions. It
+resembles "The Dunciad" in containing more bitterness than humour.
+Examples are given of the "Pert style," the "Alamode" style, the
+"Finical style." The exceptions taken to such hyperbole as the
+following, seem to be the best founded--
+
+
+  OF A LION.
+
+  "He roared so loud and looked so wondrous grim
+  His very shadow durst not follow him."
+
+
+  OF A LADY AT DINNER.
+
+  "The silver whiteness that adorns thy neck
+  Sullies the plate, and makes the napkins black."
+
+
+  OF THE SAME.
+
+  "The obscureness of her birth
+  Cannot eclipse the lustre of her eyes
+  Which make her all one light."
+
+
+  OF A BULL BAITING.
+
+  "Up to the stars the sprawling mastiffs fly
+  And add new monsters to the frighted sky."
+
+There is a certain amount of humour in Arbuthnot's "History of John
+Bull," and in his "Harmony in an Uproar." A letter to Frederick Handel,
+Esquire, Master of the Opera House in the Haymarket, from Hurlothrumbo
+Johnson, Esquire, Composer Extraordinary to all the theatres in Great
+Britain, excepting that of the Haymarket, commences--
+
+     "Wonderful Sir!--The mounting flames of my ambition have long
+     aspired to the honour of holding a small conversation with you; but
+     being sensible of the almost insuperable difficulty of getting at
+     you, I bethought me a paper kite might best reach you, and soar to
+     your apartment, though seated in the highest clouds, for all the
+     world knows I can top you, fly as high as you will."
+
+But we may consider his best piece to be "A Learned Dissertation on
+Dumpling."
+
+     "The Romans, tho' our conquerors, found themselves much outdone in
+     dumplings by our forefathers; the Roman dumplings being no more to
+     compare to those made by the Britons, than a stone dumpling is to a
+     marrow pudding; though indeed the British dumpling at that time was
+     little better than what we call a stone dumpling, nothing else but
+     flour and water. But every generation growing wiser and wiser the
+     project was improved, and dumpling grew to be pudding. One
+     projector found milk better than water; another introduced butter;
+     some added marrow, others plums; and some found out the use of
+     sugar; so that to speak truth, we know not where to fix the
+     genealogy or chronology of any of these pudding projectors to the
+     reproach of our historians, who eat so much pudding, yet have been
+     so ungrateful to the first professor of the noble science as not to
+     find them a place in history.
+
+     "The invention of eggs was merely accidental. Two or three having
+     casually rolled from off a shelf into a pudding, which a good wife
+     was making, she found herself under the necessity either of
+     throwing away her pudding or letting the eggs remain; but
+     concluding that the innocent quality of the eggs would do no hurt,
+     if they did no good, she merely jumbled them all together after
+     having carefully picked out the shells; the consequence is easily
+     imagined, the pudding became a pudding of puddings, and the use of
+     eggs from thence took its date. The woman was sent for to Court to
+     make puddings for King John, who then swayed the sceptre; and
+     gained such favour that she was the making of the whole family.
+
+     "From this time the English became so famous for puddings, that
+     they are called pudding-eaters all over the world to this day.
+
+     "At her demise her son was taken into favour, and made the King's
+     chief cook; and so great was his fame for puddings, that he was
+     called Jack Pudding all over the kingdom, though in truth his real
+     name was John Brand. This Jack Pudding, I say, became yet a greater
+     favourite than his mother, insomuch that he had the King's ear as
+     well as his mouth at command, for the King you must know was a
+     mighty lover of pudding; and Jack fitted him to a hair. But what
+     raised our hero in the esteem of this pudding-eating monarch was
+     his second edition of pudding, he being the first that ever
+     invented the art of broiling puddings, which he did to such
+     perfection and so much to the King's liking (who had a mortal
+     aversion to cold pudding) that he thereupon instituted him Knight
+     of the Gridiron, and gave him a gridiron of gold, the ensign of
+     that order, which he always wore as a mark of his Sovereign's
+     favour."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Steele--The Funeral--The Tatler--Contributions of Swift--Of
+  Addison--Expansive Dresses--"Bodily Wit"--Rustic Obtuseness--Crosses
+  in Love--Snuff-taking.
+
+
+A new description of periodical was published in 1709, and met with
+deserved success. It was little more or less than the first lady's
+newspaper, consisting of a small half sheet printed on both sides, and
+sold three times a week. The price was a penny, and the form was so
+unpretentious that deprecators spoke of its "tobacco-paper" and "scurvy
+letter." Like Defoe's review, it was strong in Foreign War intelligence,
+but beyond this the aim was to attract readers, not by political sarcasm
+or coarse jesting, but by sparkling satire on the foibles of the
+fashionable world. Addison says that the design was to bring philosophy
+to tea-tables, and to check improprieties "too trivial for the
+chastisement of the law, and too fantastical for the cognizance of the
+pulpit," and that these papers had a "perceptible influence upon the
+conversation of the time, and taught the frolic and gay to unite
+merriment with decency." Johnson says that previously, with the
+exception of the writers for the theatre, "England had no masters of
+common life," and considers the Italian and the French to have
+introduced this kind of literature. From its social character, this
+publication gives us a great amount of interesting information as to the
+manners and customs of the time, and the name "Tatler" was selected "in
+honour of the fair."
+
+The originator of this enterprise, Richard Steele, was English on his
+father's side, Irish on his mother's. He was educated at Charterhouse,
+and followed much the same course as his countryman, Farquhar. He tells
+us gaily, "At fifteen I was sent to the University, and stayed there for
+some time; but a drum passing by, being a lover of music, I enlisted
+myself as a soldier." He seems to have been at this time ambitious of
+being one of those "topping fellows," of whom he afterwards spoke with
+so much contempt. Among the various appointments he successively
+obtained, was that of Gentleman Usher to Prince George, and that of
+Gazetteer, an office which gave him unusual facilities for affording his
+readers foreign intelligence. He was also Governor of the Royal Company
+of Comedians, and wrote plays, his best being "The Conscious Lovers"
+and "The Funeral." The latter was much liked by King William.
+Notwithstanding its melancholy title, it contained some good comic
+passages, as where the undertaker marshalls his men and puts them
+through a kind of rehearsal:--
+
+     _Sable._ Well, come, you that are to be mourners in this house, put
+     on your sad looks, and walk by me that I may sort you. Ha, you! a
+     little more upon the dismal--(_forming their countenances_)--this
+     fellow has a good mortal look--place him near the corpse; that
+     wainscot face must be o' top of the stairs; that fellow's almost in
+     a fright (that looks as if he were full of some strange misery) at
+     the entrance of the hall--so--but I'll fix you all myself. Let's
+     have no laughing now on any provocation, (_makes faces_.) Look
+     yonder, that hale, well-looking puppy! You ungrateful scoundrel,
+     did not I pity you, take you out of a great man's service, and show
+     you the pleasure of receiving wages? Did not I give you ten, then
+     fifteen, now twenty shillings a week to be sorrowful? and the more
+     I give you, I think the gladder you are.
+
+At the first commencement of the "Tatler," Steele seems to have
+intended, as was usual at the time, to write almost the whole newspaper
+himself, and he always continued nominally to do so under the name of
+Isaac Bickerstaff. The only assistance he could have at all counted upon
+was that of Addison--his old schoolfellow at Charterhouse--whose
+contributions proved to be very scanty. We soon find him falling short
+of material and calling upon the the public for contributions. Thus he
+makes at the ends of some of the early numbers such suggestions as "Mr.
+Bickerstaff thanks Mr. Quarterstaff for his kind and instructive
+letter," and "Any ladies, who have any particular stories of their
+acquaintance, which they are willing privately to make public, may send
+them to Isaac Bickerstaff."
+
+This application seems to have met with some response, for although we
+have only before us the perpetual Isaac Bickerstaff, he soon tells us
+that "he shall have little to do but to publish what is sent him," and
+finally that some of the best pieces were not written by himself. Two or
+three were from the hand of Swift, who does not seem to have much
+appreciated the gentle periodical--says that as far as he is concerned,
+the editor may "fair-sex it to the world's end," and asserts with equal
+ill-nature and falsity that the publication was finally given up for
+want of materials. Probably it was to the solicitude of Addison, who was
+at that time employed in Ireland, that we are indebted for the few
+productions of Swift's bold genius which adorn this work. One of these
+is upon the peculiar weakness then prevalent among ladies for studding
+their faces with little bits of black plaster.
+
+     "Madam.--Let me beg of you to take off the patches at the lower end
+     of your left cheek, and I will allow two more under your left eye,
+     which will contribute more to the symmetry of your face; except you
+     would please to remove the ten black atoms from your ladyship's
+     chin, and wear one large patch instead of them. If so, you may
+     properly enough retain the three patches above mentioned.
+
+     "I am, &c."
+
+The next describes a downfall of rain in the city.
+
+  "Careful observers may foretell the hour,
+  (By sure prognostics) when to dread a shower;
+  While rain depends, the pensive cat gives o'er
+  Her frolics, and pursues her tail no more;
+  Returning home at night you'll find the sink
+  Strike your offended nose with double stink;
+  If you be wise, then go not far to dine,
+  You'll spend in coach-hire more than save in wine,
+  A coming shower your shooting corns presage,
+  Old aches will throb, your hollow tooth will rage;
+  Sauntering in coffee-house is Dulman seen,
+  He damns the climate and complains of spleen....
+  Now in contiguous drops the flood comes down,
+  Threatening with deluge this devoted town,
+  To shops in crowds the draggled females fly,
+  Pretend to cheapen goods, but nothing buy,
+  The Templar spruce, while ev'ry spout's abroach,
+  Stays till 'tis fair, yet seems to call a coach,
+  The tuck'd up sempstress walks with hasty strides,
+  While streams run down her oil'd umbrella's sides;
+  Here various kinds, by various fortunes led,
+  Commence acquaintance underneath a shed,
+  Triumphant Tories and desponding Whigs,
+  Forget their feuds, and join to save their wigs."
+
+The contributions of Addison were more numerous. He is more precise and
+old-fashioned than Steele, being particularly fond of giving a classical
+and mythological air to his writings, and thus we have such subjects as
+"The Goddess of Justice distributing rewards," and "Juno's method of
+retaining the affections of Jupiter." Allegories were his delight, and
+he tells us how artistically the probable can be intermingled with the
+marvellous. Such conceits were then still in fashion, and the numbers
+of the "Tatler" which contained them had the largest sale. They remind
+us of the "Old Moralities," and at this time succeeded to the prodigies,
+whales, plagues, and famines to which the news-writers had recourse when
+the exciting events of the Civil War came to an end. In general, the
+subjects chosen by Addison were more important than those chosen by
+Steele, and no doubt the earnest bent of his mind would have led him to
+write lofty and learned essays on morals and literature quite unsuitable
+to a popular periodical. But being kept down in a humbler sphere by the
+exigency of the case, he produced what was far more telling, and,
+perhaps, more practically useful. In one place he uses his humorous
+talent to protest, in the cause of good feeling, against the indignities
+put upon chaplains--a subject on which Swift could have spoken with more
+personal experience, but not with such good taste and light pleasantry.
+The article begins with a letter from a chaplain, complaining that he
+was not allowed to sit at table to the end of dinner, and was rebuked by
+the lady of the house for helping himself to a jelly. Addison remarks:--
+
+     "The case of this gentleman deserves pity, especially if he loves
+     sweetmeats, to which, if I may guess from his letter, he is no
+     enemy. In the meantime, I have often wondered at the indecency of
+     discharging the holiest men from the table as soon as the most
+     delicious parts of the entertainments are served up, and could
+     never conceive a reason for so absurd a custom. Is it because a
+     liquorish palate, or a sweet-tooth, as they call it, is not
+     consistent with the sanctity of his character? This is but a
+     trifling pretence. No man of the most rigid virtue gives offence in
+     any excesses of plum-pudding or plum-porridge, and that because
+     they are the first parts of the dinner. Is there anything that
+     tends to incitation in sweetmeats more than in ordinary dishes?
+     Certainly not. Sugar-plums are a very innocent diet, and conserves
+     of a much colder nature than your common pickles."
+
+In another place speaking of the dinner table, Addison ridicules the
+"false delicacies" of the time. He tells us how at a great party he
+could find nothing eatable, and how horrified he was at being asked to
+partake of a young pig that had been whipped to death. Eventually, he
+had to finish his dinner at home, and is led to inculcate his maxim that
+"he keeps the greatest table who has the most valuable company at it."
+In another place he complains of the lateness of the dinner-hour, and
+asks what it will come to eventually, as it is already three o'clock!
+
+Of the evil courses of the "wine-brewers" Addison, who lived in the
+world of the rich, no doubt heard frequent complaints--
+
+     "There is in this city a certain fraternity of chemical operators,
+     who work underground in holes, caverns, and dark retirements, to
+     conceal their mysteries from the eyes and observation of mankind.
+     These subterraneous philosophers are daily employed in the
+     transmutation of liquors, and, by the power of magical drugs and
+     incantations, raising under the streets of London the choicest
+     products of the hills and valleys of France. They can squeeze
+     Bordeaux out of the sloe, and draw Champagne from an apple. Virgil
+     in that remarkable prophecy,
+
+       'Incultisque rubens pendebit sentibus uva,'
+       The ripening grape shall hang on every thorn,
+
+     seems to have hinted at this art, which can turn a plantation of
+     northern hedges in a vineyard. These adepts are known among one
+     another by the name of _wine-brewers_; and I am afraid do great
+     injury not only to Her Majesty's customs, but to the bodies of many
+     of her good subjects."
+
+After what we have seen in our own times we need not be surprised that
+the ladies of Addison's day revived the old "fardingales," an expansion
+of dress which has always been a subject of ridicule, and probably will
+continue to be upon all its future appearances. The matter is first here
+brought forward as follows:
+
+     "The humble petition of William Jingle, Coachmaker and Chairmaker
+     to the Liberty of Westminster.
+
+     "To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire, Censor of Great Britain.
+
+     "Showeth,--That upon the late invention of Mrs. Catherine
+     Cross-stitch, Mantua-maker, the petticoats of ladies were too wide
+     for entering into any coach or chair, which was in use before the
+     said invention.
+
+     "That, for the service of the said ladies, your petitioner has
+     built a round chair, in the form of a lantern, six yards and a half
+     in circumference, with a stool in the centre of it; the said
+     vehicle being so contrived, as to receive the passenger by opening
+     in two in the middle, and closing mathematically when she is
+     seated.
+
+     "That your petitioner has also invented a coach for the reception
+     of one lady only, who is to be let in at the top.
+
+     "That the said coach has been tried by a lady's woman in one of
+     these full petticoats, who was let down from a balcony and drawn up
+     again by pullies to the great satisfaction of her lady, and all who
+     beheld her.
+
+     "Your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that for the
+     encouragement of ingenuity and useful inventions, he may be heard
+     before you pass sentence upon the petticoats aforesaid. And your
+     petitioner, &c.,"
+
+Addison, in No. 116, proceeds to try the question:--
+
+     "The Court being prepared for proceeding on the cause of the
+     petticoat, I gave orders to bring in a criminal, who was taken up
+     as she went out of the puppet-show about three nights ago, and was
+     now standing in the street with a great concourse of people about
+     her. Word was brought me that she had endeavoured twice or thrice
+     to come in, but could not do it by reason of her petticoat, which
+     was too large for the entrance of my house, though I had ordered
+     both the folding doors to be thrown open for its reception. The
+     garment having been taken off, the accused, by a committee of
+     matrons, was at length brought in, and 'dilated' so as to show it
+     in its utmost circumference, but my great hall was too narrow for
+     the experiment; for before it was half unfolded it described so
+     immoderate a circle, that the lower part of it brushed upon my face
+     as I sat in the chair of judicature. I finally ordered the vest,
+     which stood before us, to be drawn up by a pulley to the top of my
+     great hall, and afterwards to be spread open, in such a manner that
+     it formed a very splendid and ample canopy over our heads, and
+     covered the whole court of judicature with a kind of silken
+     rotunda, in its form not unlike the cupola of St. Paul's."
+
+A considerable part of "The Tatler" is occupied with gay attacks upon
+the foppery of the beaux, whom it calls "pretty fellows," or "smart
+fellows." The red-heeled shoes and the cane hung by its blue ribbon on
+the last button of the coat, came in for an especial share of ridicule.
+A letter purporting to be from Oxford, and reporting some improvement
+effected in the conversation of the University, also says:--
+
+     "I am sorry though not surprised to find that you have rallied the
+     men of dress in vain: that the amber-headed cane still maintains
+     its unstable post," (on the button) "that pockets are but a few
+     inches shortened, and a beau is still a beau, from the crown of his
+     night-cap to the heels of his shoes. For your comfort, I can assure
+     you that your endeavours succeed better in this famous seat of
+     learning. By them the manners of our young gentlemen are in a fair
+     way of amendment." ...
+
+The ladies also did not escape censure for their love of finery.
+
+     "A matron of my acquaintance, complaining of her daughter's vanity,
+     was observing that she had all of a sudden held up her head higher
+     than ordinary, and taken an air that showed a secret satisfaction
+     in herself, mixed with a scorn of others. 'I did not know,' says my
+     friend, 'what to make of the carriage of this fantastical girl,
+     until I was informed by her elder sister, that she had a pair of
+     striped garters on.'"
+
+Again:--
+
+     "Many a lady has fetched a sigh at the loss of a wig, and been
+     ruined by the tapping of a snuff box. It is impossible to describe
+     all the execution that was done by the shoulder knot, while that
+     fashion prevailed, or to reckon up all the maidens that have fallen
+     a sacrifice to a pair of fringed gloves. A sincere heart has not
+     made half so many conquests as an open waistcoat: and I should be
+     glad to see an able head make so good a figure in a woman's company
+     as a pair of red heels. A Grecian hero, when he was asked whether
+     he could play upon the lute, thought he had made a very good reply
+     when he had answered 'No, but I can make a great city of a little
+     one.' Notwithstanding his boasted wisdom, I appeal to the heart of
+     any Toast in town whether she would not think the lutenist
+     preferable to the statesman."
+
+The general tone of "The Tatler," is that of a fashionable London paper,
+and it often notices the difference of thought in town and country. This
+distinction is much less now than in his day, before the time of
+railways, and when the country gentlemen, instead of having houses in
+London, betook themselves for the gay season to their county towns.
+
+     "I was this evening representing a complaint sent me out of the
+     country by Emilia. She says, her neighbours there have so little
+     sense of what a refined lady of the town is, that she who was a
+     celebrated wit in London, is in that dull part of the world in so
+     little esteem that they call her in their base style a tongue-pad.
+     Old Truepenny bid me advise her to keep her wit until she comes to
+     town again, and admonish her that both wit and breeding are local;
+     for a fine court lady is as awkward among country wives, as one of
+     them would appear in a drawing-room."
+
+Again:--
+
+     "I must beg pardon of my readers that, for this time I have, I
+     fear, huddled up my discourse, having been very busy in helping an
+     old friend out of town. He has a very good estate and is a man of
+     wit; but he has been three years absent from town, and cannot bear
+     a jest; for which I have with some pains convinced him that he can
+     no more live here than if he were a downright bankrupt. He was so
+     fond of dear London that he began to fret, only inwardly; but being
+     unable to laugh and be laughed at, I took a place in the Northern
+     coach for him and his family; and hope he has got to-night safe
+     from all sneerers in his own parlour.
+
+     "To know what a Toast is in the country gives as much perplexity as
+     she herself does in town; and indeed the learned differ very much
+     upon the original of this word, and the acceptation of it among the
+     moderns; however, it is agreed to have a cheerful and joyous
+     import. A toast in a cold morning, heightened by nutmeg, and
+     sweetened with sugar, has for many ages been given to our rural
+     dispensers of justice before they entered upon causes, and has been
+     of great politic use to take off the severity of their sentences;
+     but has indeed been remarkable for one ill effect, that it inclines
+     those who use it immoderately to speak Latin; to the admiration
+     rather than information of an audience. This application of a toast
+     makes it very obvious that the word may, without a metaphor, be
+     understood as an apt name for a thing which raises us in the most
+     sovereign degree; but many of the Wits of the last age will assert
+     that the word in its present sense was known among them in their
+     youth, and had its rise from an accident in the town of Bath in the
+     reign of King Charles the Second. It happened that on a public day,
+     a celebrated beauty of those times was in the Cross Bath, and one
+     of the crowd of her admirers took a glass of water in which the
+     fair one stood, and drank her health to the company. There was in
+     the place a gay fellow half fuddled, who swore that though he liked
+     not the liquor, he would take the toast. He was opposed in his
+     resolution, yet this whim gave foundation to the present honor
+     which is due to the lady we mention in our liquors, who has ever
+     since been called a Toast."[7]
+
+Courtships, and the hopes and fears of Shepherds and Shepherdesses, form
+many tender and classic episodes throughout this periodical--
+
+     "Though Cynthio has wit, good sense, fortune, and his very being
+     depends upon her, the termagant for whom he sighs is in love with a
+     fellow who stares in the glass all the time he is with her, and
+     lets her plainly see she may possibly be his rival, but never his
+     mistress. Yet Cynthio, the same unhappy man whom I mentioned in my
+     first narrative, pleases himself with a vain imagination that, with
+     the language of his eyes he shall conquer her, though her eyes are
+     intent upon one who looks from her; which is ordinary with the sex.
+     It is certainly a mistake in the ancients to draw the little
+     gentleman Love as a blind boy, for his real character is a little
+     thief that squints; for ask Mrs. Meddle, who is a confidant or spy
+     upon all the passions in the town, and she will tell you that the
+     whole is a game of cross purposes. The lover is generally pursuing
+     one who is in pursuit of another, and running from one that desires
+     to meet him. Nay, the nature of this passion is so justly
+     represented in a squinting little thief (who is always in a double
+     action) that do but observe Clarissa next time you see her, and you
+     will find when her eyes have made the soft tour round the company,
+     they make no stay on him they say she is to marry, but rest two
+     seconds of a minute on Wildair, who neither looks nor thinks of
+     her, or any woman else. However, Cynthio had a bow from her the
+     other day, upon which he is very much come to himself; and I heard
+     him send his man of an errand yesterday without any manner of
+     hesitation; a quarter of an hour after which he reckoned twenty,
+     remembered he was to sup with a friend, and went exactly to his
+     appointment."
+
+All the love-making in "The Tatler" is of a very correct description.
+Marriage is nowhere despised or ridiculed, though suggestions are made
+for composing the troubles which sometimes accompany it:--
+
+     "A young gentleman of great estate fell desperately in love with a
+     great beauty of very high quality, but as ill-natured as long
+     flattery and an habitual self-will could make her. However, my
+     young spark ventures upon her like a man of quality, without being
+     acquainted with her, or having ever saluted her, until it was a
+     crime to kiss any woman else. Beauty is a thing which palls with
+     possession, and the charms of this lady soon wanted the support of
+     good humour and complacency of manners; upon this, my spark flies
+     to the bottle for relief from satiety; she disdains him for being
+     tired of that for which all men envied him; and he never came home
+     but it was, 'Was there no sot that would stay longer?' 'Would any
+     man living but you?' 'Did I leave all the world for this usage?' to
+     which he, 'Madam, split me, you're very impertinent!' In a word,
+     this match was wedlock in its most terrible appearances. She, at
+     last weary of railing to no purpose, applies to a good uncle, who
+     gives her a bottle he pretended he had bought of Mr. Partridge, the
+     conjurer. 'This,' said he, 'I gave ten guineas for. The virtue of
+     the enchanted liquor (said he that sold it) is such, that if the
+     woman you marry proves a scold (which it seems, my dear niece is
+     your misfortune, as it was your good mother's before you) let her
+     hold three spoonfuls of it in her mouth for a full half hour after
+     you come home.'"
+
+But Steele says that his principal object was "to stem the torrent of
+prejudice and vice." He did not limit himself to making amusement out of
+the affectation of the day; he often directed his humour to higher ends.
+He deprecated inconstancy, observing that a gentleman who presumed to
+pay attention to a lady, should bring with him a character from the one
+he had lately left. He must be especially commended for having been one
+of the first to advocate consideration for the lower animals, and to
+condemn swearing and duelling. The latter, as he said, owed its
+continuance to the force of custom, and he supposes that if a duellist
+"wrote the truth of his heart," he would express himself to his
+lady-love in the following manner:--
+
+     "Madam,--I have so tender a regard for you and your interests that
+     I will knock any man on the head that I observe to be of my mind,
+     and to like you. Mr. Truman, the other day, looked at you in so
+     languishing a manner that I am resolved to run him through
+     to-morrow morning. This, I think, he deserves for his guilt in
+     adoring you, than which I cannot have a greater reason for
+     murdering him, except it be that, you also approve him. Whoever
+     says he dies for you, I will make his words good, for I will kill
+     him,
+
+                                      "I am, Madam,
+
+                           "Your most obedient humble servant."
+
+
+Among other offensive habits, "The Tatler" discountenances the custom of
+taking snuff, then common among ladies.
+
+     "I have been these three years persuading Sagissa[8] to leave it
+     off; but she talks so much, and is so learned, that she is above
+     contradiction. However, an accident brought that about, which all
+     my eloquence could never accomplish. She had a very pretty fellow
+     in her closet, who ran thither to avoid some company that came to
+     visit her; she made an excuse to go to him for some implement they
+     were talking of. Her eager gallant snatched a kiss; but being
+     unused to snuff, some grains from off her upper lip made him sneeze
+     aloud, which alarmed her visitors, and has made a discovery."
+
+[It is impossible to say what effect this ridicule produced upon the
+snuff-taking public, but the custom gradually declined. A hundred years
+later, James Beresford, a fellow of Merton, places among the "Miseries
+of Human Life," the "Leaving off Snuff at the request of your Angel,"
+and writes the following touching farewell.]
+
+   "Box thou art closed, and snuff is but a name!
+  It is decreed my nose shall feast no more!
+    To me no more shall come--whence dost it come?--
+  The precious pulvil from Hibernia's shore!
+
+   "Virginia, barren be thy teeming soil,
+  Or may the swallowing earthquake gulf thy fields!
+    Fribourg and Pontet! cease your trading toil,
+  Or bankruptcy be all the fruit it yields!
+
+   "And artists! frame no more in tin or gold,
+  Horn, paper, silver, coal or skin, the chest,
+    Foredoomed in small circumference to hold
+  The titillating treasures of the West!"
+
+The fellows of Merton seem to have discovered some hidden efficacy in
+snuff.
+
+  "Who doth not know what logic lies concealed,
+  Where diving finger meets with diving thumb?
+  Who hath not seen the opponent fly the field,
+  Unhurt by argument, by snuff struck dumb?
+
+  "The box drawn forth from its profoundest bed,
+  The slow-repeated tap, with frowning brows.
+  The brandished pinch, the fingers widely spread,
+  The arm tossed round, returning to the nose.
+
+  "Who can withstand a battery so strong?
+  Wit, reason, learning, what are ye to these?
+  Or who would toil through folios thick and long,
+  When wisdom may be purchased with a sneeze?
+
+  "Shall I, then, climb where Alps on Alps arise?
+  No; snuff and science are to me a dream,
+  But hold my soul! for that way madness lies,
+  Love's in the scale, tobacco kicks the beam."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Spectator--The Rebus--Injurious Wit--The Everlasting Club--The Lovers'
+  Club--Castles in the Air--The Guardian--Contributions by Pope--"The
+  Agreeable Companion"--The Wonderful Magazine--Joe Miller--Pivot
+  Humour.
+
+When "The Tatler" had completed two hundred and seventy-one numbers, it
+occurred to the fertile mind of Steele that it might be modified with
+advantage. For the future it should be a daily paper, and only contain
+an essay upon one subject. In making this alteration he thought it would
+be better to give the periodical a title of more important
+signification, and accordingly called it the "Spectator." But the most
+important difference was that Addison was to contribute a much larger
+portion of the material. This gave more solidity to the work.
+
+Addison never obtained a questionable success by descending too low in
+coarse language. His style has been recommended as a model, for he is
+lively and interesting without approaching dangerous ground. As we read
+his pleasant pages we can almost agree with Lord Chesterfield
+that:--"True wit never raised a laugh since the world was," but here and
+there we find a passage that shows us the grave censor was mistaken.
+Speaking of the "absurdities of the modern opera" Addison says,
+
+     "As I was walking in the streets about a fortnight ago, I saw an
+     ordinary fellow carrying a cage full of little birds upon his
+     shoulder; and as I was wondering with myself what use he would put
+     them to, he was met very luckily by an acquaintance, who had the
+     same curiosity. Upon his asking what he had upon his shoulder, he
+     told him that he had been buying sparrows for the opera. 'Sparrows
+     for the opera,' says his friend, licking his lips, 'what! are they
+     to be roasted?' 'No, no,' says the other, 'they are to enter
+     towards the end of the first act, and to fly about the stage.'
+
+     "There have been so many flights of sparrows let loose in this
+     opera, that it is feared the house will never get rid of them, and
+     that in other plays they may make their entrance in very wrong and
+     improper scenes, so as to be seen flying in a lady's bedchamber, or
+     perching upon a king's throne; besides the inconvenience which the
+     heads of the audience may sometimes suffer for them. I am credibly
+     informed that there was once a design of casting into an opera the
+     story of Whittington and his Cat, and that in order to it there had
+     been got together a great quantity of mice; but Mr. Rich, the
+     proprietor of the play-house, very prudently considered that it
+     would be impossible for the cat to kill them all, and that
+     consequently the princes of the stage might be as much infested
+     with mice as the prince of the island was before the cat's arrival
+     upon it."
+
+To a letter narrating country sports, and a whistling match won by a
+footman, he adds as a postscript,
+
+     "After having despatched these two important points of grinning and
+     whistling, I hope you will oblige the world with some reflections
+     upon yawning, as I have seen it practised on a Twelfth Night among
+     other Christmas gambols at the house of a very worthy gentleman
+     who entertains his tenants at that time of the year. They yawn for
+     a Cheshire cheese, and begin about midnight, when the whole company
+     is supposed to be drowsy. He that yawns widest, and at the same
+     time so naturally as to produce the most yawns among the
+     spectators, carries home the cheese. If you handle this subject as
+     you ought, I question not but your paper will set half the kingdom
+     a-yawning, though I dare promise you it will never make anybody
+     fall asleep."
+
+Johnson observes that Addison never out-steps the modesty of nature, nor
+raises merriment or wonder by the violation of truth. He wrote several
+essays in the "Spectator" on wit, and condemns much that commonly passes
+under the name. Together with verbal humour and many absurd devices
+connected with it, he especially repudiates the rebus. In the first part
+of the following extract he refers to this device being used for other
+objects than those of amusement, and he might have reminded us of the
+alphabets of primitive times, when the picture of an animal signified
+the sound with which its name commenced; but the rebus proper is merely
+a bad attempt at humour--a sort of pictorial pun--
+
+     "I find likewise among the ancients that ingenious kind of conceit
+     which the moderns distinguish by the name of a rebus, that does not
+     sink a letter, but a whole word, by substituting a picture in its
+     place. When Caesar was one of the masters of the Roman mint, he
+     placed the figure of an elephant upon the reverse of the public
+     money; the word Caesar signifying an elephant in the Punic language.
+     This was artificially contrived by Caesar, because it was not lawful
+     for a private man to stamp his own figure upon the coin of the
+     Commonwealth. Cicero, so called from the founder of his family, who
+     was marked on the nose with a little wen like a vetch, (which is
+     Cicer in Latin,) instead of Marcus Tullius Cicero, ordered the
+     words Marcus Tullius with the figure of a vetch at the end of them,
+     to be inscribed on a public monument. This was done probably to
+     show that he was neither ashamed of his name or family,
+     notwithstanding the envy of his competitors had often reproached
+     him with both. In the same manner we read of a famous building that
+     was marked in several parts of it with the figures of a frog and a
+     lizard; these words in Greek having been the names of the
+     architects, who by the laws of their country were never permitted
+     to inscribe their own names upon their works. For the same reason,
+     it is thought that the forelock of the horse in the antique
+     equestrian statute of Marcus Aurelius, represents at a distance the
+     shape of an owl, to intimate the country of the statuary, who in
+     all probability was an Athenian. This kind of wit was very much in
+     vogue among our own countrymen about an age or two ago, who did not
+     practise it for any oblique reason, as the ancients above
+     mentioned, but purely for the sake of being witty. Among
+     innumerable instances that may be given of this nature, I shall
+     produce the device of one, Mr. Newberry, as I find it mentioned by
+     our learned Camden, in his remains. Mr. Newberry, to represent his
+     name by a picture, hung up at his door the sign of a yew-tree that
+     had several berries upon it, and in the midst of them a great
+     golden N hung upon the bough of the tree, which by the help of a
+     little false spelling made up the word N-ew-berry."
+
+Addison disproved of that severity and malice which was too common among
+the writers of his age. He refers to it in his essays on wit, in
+allusion, as it is thought, to Swift.
+
+     "There is nothing that more betrays a base ungenerous spirit than
+     the giving of secret stabs to a man's reputation; lampoons and
+     satires, that are written with wit and spirit, are like poisoned
+     darts, which not only inflict a wound, but make it incurable. For
+     this reason I am very much troubled when I see the talents of
+     humour and ridicule in the possession of an ill-natured man.... It
+     must indeed be confessed, that a lampoon or a satire does not carry
+     in it robbery or murder; but at the same time, how many are there
+     that would rather lose a considerable sum of money, or even life
+     itself, than be set up as a mark of infamy and derision."
+
+He goes on to notice how various persons behaved under the ordeal--
+
+     "When Julius Caesar was lampooned by Catullus he invited him to
+     supper, and treated him with such a generous civility that he made
+     the poet his friend ever after. Cardinal Mazarin gave the same kind
+     of treatment to the learned Guillet, who had reflected upon his
+     Eminence in a famous Latin poem. The Cardinal sent for him, and
+     after some kind expostulation upon what he had written, assured him
+     of his esteem, and dismissed him with a promise of the next good
+     Abbey that should fall, which he accordingly conferred upon him a
+     few months after. This had so good an effect upon the author that
+     he dedicated the second edition of his book to the Cardinal, after
+     having expunged the passages, which had given him offence. Sextus
+     Quintus was not of so generous and forgiving a temper. Upon his
+     being made Pope, the statue of Pasquin was dressed in a very dirty
+     shirt, with an excuse written under it, that he was forced to wear
+     foul linen because his laundress was made a princess. This was a
+     reflection upon the Pope's sister, who, before the promotion of her
+     brother, was in those mean circumstances that Pasquin represented
+     her. As this pasquinade made a great noise in Rome, the Pope
+     offered a considerable sum of money to any person that should
+     discover the author of it. The author relying on his Holiness'
+     generosity, as also upon some private overtures he had received
+     from him, made the discovery himself; upon which the Pope gave him
+     the reward he had promised, but at the same time to disable the
+     satirist for the future, ordered his tongue to be cut out, and both
+     his hands to be chopped off."
+
+When Addison treats of the ladies' "commode," a lofty head-dress which
+had been in fashion in his time, he adds reflections which may moderate
+all such vanities--
+
+     "There is not so variable a thing in nature as a lady's head-dress.
+     Within my own memory I have known it rise and fall above thirty
+     degrees. About ten years ago it shot up to a very great height,
+     inasmuch as the female part of our species were much taller than
+     the men. The women were of such an enormous stature that 'we
+     appeared as grasshoppers before them.' At present, the whole sex is
+     in a manner dwarfed and shrunk into a race of beauties that seems
+     almost another species. I remember several ladies who were once
+     very near seven feet high, that at present want some inches of
+     five.... I would desire the fair sex to consider how impossible it
+     is for them to add anything that can be ornamental to what is
+     already the master-piece of Nature. The head has the most beautiful
+     appearance, as well as the highest station in a human figure.
+     Nature has laid out all her art in beautifying the face; she has
+     touched it with vermillion, planted in it a double row of ivory,
+     made it the seat of smiles and blushes, lighted it up, and
+     enlivened it with the brightness of the eyes, hung it on each side
+     with curious organs of sense, given it airs and graces that cannot
+     be described, and surrounded it with such a flowing shade of hair
+     as sets all its beauties in the most agreeable light. In short, she
+     seems to have designed the head as the cupola to the most glorious
+     of her works; and when we load it with such a pile of supernumerary
+     ornaments, we destroy the symmetry of the human figure, and
+     foolishly contrive to call off the eye from great and real
+     beauties, to childish gewgaws, ribbands, and bone-lace."
+
+But the popularity of "The Spectator" was not a little due to the
+stronger and more daring genius of Steele. His writing, though not so
+didactic, or so ripe in style, as that of Addison, was antithetical,
+sparkling, and more calculated to "raise a horse."
+
+The continuation of the periodical, which was carried on by others, was
+not equally successful. In the earlier volumes we recognise Steele's
+hand in the Essays on "Clubs." He gives us an amusing account of the
+"Ugly Club," for which no one was eligible who had not "a visible
+quearity in his aspect, or peculiar cast of countenance;" and of the
+"Everlasting Club," which was to sit day and night from one end of the
+year to another; no party presuming to rise till they were relieved by
+those who were in course to succeed them.
+
+     "This club was instituted towards the end of the Civil Wars, and
+     continued without interruption till the time of the Great Fire,
+     which burnt them out and dispersed them for several weeks. The
+     steward at this time maintained his post till he had been like to
+     have been blown up with a neighbouring house (which was demolished
+     in order to stop the fire) and would not leave the chair at last,
+     till he had emptied all the bottles upon the table, and received
+     repeated directions from the Club to withdraw himself."
+
+The following on "Castles in the Air" is interesting, as Steele himself
+seems to have been addicted to raising such structures,--
+
+     "A castle-builder is even just what he pleases, and as such I have
+     grasped imaginary sceptres, and delivered uncontrollable edicts
+     from a throne to which conquered nations yielded obeisance. I have
+     made I know not how many inroads into France, and ravaged the very
+     heart of that kingdom; I have dined in the Louvre, and drunk
+     champagne at Versailles; and I would have you take notice I am not
+     only able to vanquish a people already 'cowed' and accustomed to
+     flight, but I could Almanzor-like, drive the British general from
+     the field, were I less a Protestant, or had ever been affronted by
+     the confederates. There is no art or profession whose most
+     celebrated masters I have not eclipsed. Wherever I have afforded my
+     salutary presence, fevers have ceased to burn and agues to shake
+     the human fabric. When an eloquent fit has been upon me, an apt
+     gesture and a proper cadence has animated each sentence, and gazing
+     crowds have found their passions worked up into rage, or soothed
+     into a calm. I am short, and not very well made; yet upon sight of
+     a fine woman, I have stretched into proper stature, and killed with
+     a good air and mien. These are the gay phantoms that dance before
+     my waking eyes and compose my day-dreams. I should be the most
+     contented happy man alive, were the chimerical happiness which
+     springs from the paintings of Fancy less fleeting and transitory.
+     But alas! it is with grief of mind I tell you, the least breath of
+     wind has often demolished my magnificent edifices, swept away my
+     groves, and left me no more trace of them than if they had never
+     been. My exchequer has sunk and vanished by a rap on my door; the
+     salutation of a friend has cost me a whole continent, and in the
+     same moment I have been pulled by the sleeve, my crown has fallen
+     from my head. The ill consequences of these reveries is
+     inconceivably great, seeing the loss of imaginary possessions makes
+     impressions of real woe. Besides bad economy is visible and
+     apparent in the builders of imaginary mansions. My tenants'
+     advertisements of ruins and dilapidations often cast a damp over my
+     spirits, even in the instant when the sun, in all his splendour,
+     gilds my Eastern palaces."
+
+In marking the differences between the humour at the time of "The
+Spectator" and that of the present day, we feel happy that the tone of
+society has so altered that such jests as the following would be quite
+inadmissible.
+
+     "Mr. Spectator,--As you are spectator general, I apply myself to
+     you in the following case, viz.: I do not wear a sword, but I often
+     divert myself at the theatre, when I frequently see a set of
+     fellows pull plain people, by way of humour and frolic, by the
+     nose, upon frivolous or no occasion. A friend of mine the other
+     night applauding what a graceful exit Mr. Wilks made, one of those
+     wringers overhearing him, pinched him by the nose. I was in the pit
+     the other night (when it was very much crowded); a gentleman
+     leaning upon me, and very heavily, I very civilly requested him to
+     remove his hand, for which he pulled me by the nose. I would not
+     resent it in so public a place, because I was unwilling to create a
+     disturbance: but have since reflected upon it as a thing that is
+     unmanly and disingenuous, renders the nose-puller odious, and makes
+     the person pulled by the nose look little and contemptible. This
+     grievance I humbly request you will endeavour to redress. I am,
+     &c., JAMES EASY.
+
+     "I have heard of some very merry fellows among whom the frolic was
+     started, and passed by a great majority, that every man should
+     immediately draw a tooth: after which they have gone in a body and
+     smoked a cobler. The same company at another night has each man
+     burned his cravat, and one, perhaps, whose estate would bear it,
+     has thrown a long wig and laced hat into the fire. Thus they have
+     jested themselves stark naked, and run into the streets and
+     frighted the people very successfully. There is no inhabitant of
+     any standing in Covent Garden, but can tell you a hundred good
+     humours where people have come off with a little bloodshed, and yet
+     scoured all the witty hours of the night. I know a gentleman that
+     has several wounds in the head by watch-poles, and has been twice
+     run through the body to carry on a good jest. He is very old for a
+     man of so much good humour; but to this day he is seldom merry, but
+     he has occasion to be valiant at the same time. But, by the favour
+     of these gentlemen, I am humbly of opinion that a man may be a very
+     witty man, and never offend one statute of this kingdom."
+
+More harmless was the joking of Villiers, the last Duke of Buckingham,
+(father of Lady Mary Wortley Montague), who seems to have inherited some
+of the family humour. Addison tells us,
+
+     "One of the wits of the last age, who was a man of a good estate,
+     thought he never laid out his money better than on a jest. As he
+     was one year at Bath, observing that in the great confluence of
+     fine people there were several among them with long chins, a part
+     of the visage by which he himself was very much distinguished, he
+     invited to dinner half a score of these remarkable persons, who had
+     their mouths in the middle of their faces. They had no sooner
+     placed themselves about the table, but they began to stare upon one
+     another, not being able to imagine what had brought them together.
+     Our English proverb says:
+
+      ''Tis merry in the hall
+       When beards wag all.'
+
+     "It proved so in the assembly I am now speaking of, who seeing so
+     many peaks of faces agitated with eating, drinking and discourse,
+     and observing all the chins that were present meeting together very
+     often over the centre of the table, every one grew sensible of the
+     jest, and came into it with so much good humour that they lived in
+     strict friendship and alliance from that day forward."
+
+In August, 1712, a tax of a halfpenny was placed upon newspapers, and
+led to several leading journals being discontinued, a failure
+facetiously termed "the fall of the leaf." "The Spectator" survived the
+loss, but not unshaken, and the price was raised to twopence. It seems
+strange that such an addition should affect a periodical of this
+character, but a penny was a larger sum then than it is now. Steele
+says, "the ingenious J. W. (Dr. Walker, Head-Master of the Charterhouse)
+tells me that I have deprived him of the best part of his breakfast, for
+that since the rise of my paper, he is forced every morning to drink his
+dish of coffee by itself, without the addition of 'The Spectator,' that
+used to be better than lace (_i.e._, brandy) to it."
+
+After "The Spectator" had run through six hundred and thirty-five
+numbers, Steele, with his usual restlessness, discontinued it, or
+rather, changed its name, and called it "The Guardian." He commenced
+writing this new periodical by himself, but soon obtained the assistance
+of Addison. The only feature worth notice in which it differed from its
+predecessor, was the prominent appearance of Pope as an essayist,
+although from political reasons he would have preferred to have been an
+anonymous contributor. Among his articles we may notice a powerful one
+against cruelty to animals and field sports in general. Another was an
+ironical attack upon the Pastorals of Ambrose Philips comparing them
+with his own, and affords an illustration of what we observed in
+another place, that such modes of warfare are easily misunderstood--for
+the essay having been sent to Steele anonymously, he hesitated to
+publish it lest Pope should be offended! But his best article in this
+periodical is directed against poetasters in general--whom he never
+treated with much mercy. He says that poetry is now composed upon
+mechanical principles, in the same way that house-wives make
+plum-puddings--
+
+     "What Moliere observes of making a dinner, that any man can do it
+     with money, and if a professed cook cannot without, he has his art
+     for nothing; the same may be said of making a poem, it is easier
+     brought about by him that has a genius, but the skill lies in doing
+     it without one. In pursuance of this end, I shall present the
+     reader with a plain and certain recipe, by which even sonneteers
+     and ladies may be qualified for this grand performance."
+
+He then proceeds to give a "receipt to make an epic poem," and after
+giving directions for the "fable," the "manners," and the "machines," he
+comes to the "descriptions."
+
+     "_For a Tempest._--Take Eurus, Zephyr, Auster, and Boreas, and cast
+     them together in one verse. Add to these of rain, lightning, and of
+     thunder (the loudest you can,) _quantum sufficit_. Mix your clouds
+     and billows well together until they foam, and thicken your
+     description here and there with a quicksand. Brew your tempest well
+     in your head before you set it a blowing.
+
+     "_For a Battle._--Pick a large quantity of images and descriptions
+     from Homer's 'Iliad,' with a spice or two of Virgil, and if there
+     remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a skirmish. Season it
+     well with simiters, and it will make an excellent battle.
+
+     "_For the Language_--(I mean the diction.) Here it will do well to
+     be an imitator of Milton, for you will find it easier to imitate
+     him in this, than in anything else. Hebraisms and Grecisms are to
+     be found in him without the trouble of learning the languages. I
+     knew a painter who (like our poet) had no genius, make his daubings
+     to be thought originals by setting them in the smoke. You may in
+     the same manner give the venerable air of antiquity to your piece,
+     by darkening it up and down with old English. With this you may be
+     easily furnished upon any occasion by the dictionary commonly
+     printed at the end of Chaucer.
+
+     "I must not conclude without cautioning all writers without genius
+     in one material point, which is, never to be afraid of having too
+     much fire in their works. I should advise rather to take their
+     warmest thoughts, and spread them abroad upon paper; for they are
+     observed to cool before they are read."
+
+In an article on laughter by Dr. Birch, Prebendary of Worcester, we have
+the following fanciful list of those who indulge in it:--
+
+     "The dimplers, the smilers, the laughers, the grimacers, the
+     horse-laughers.
+
+     "The dimple is practised to give a grace to the features, and is
+     frequently made a bait to entangle a gazing lover; this was called
+     by the ancients the chin laugh.
+
+     "The smile is for the most part confined to the fair sex and their
+     male retinue. It expresses our satisfaction in a silent sort of
+     approbation, doth not too much disorder the features, and is
+     practised by lovers of the most delicate address. This tender
+     motion of the physignomy the ancients called the Ionic laugh.
+
+     "The laugh among us is the common risus of the ancients. The grin
+     by writers of antiquity is called the Syncrusian, and it was then,
+     as it is at this time, made use of to display a beautiful set of
+     teeth.
+
+     "The horse-laugh, or the sardonic, is made use of with great
+     success in all kinds of disputation. The proficients in this kind,
+     by a well-timed laugh, will baffle the most solid argument. This
+     upon all occasions supplies the want of reason, is always received
+     with great applause in coffee-house disputes, and that side the
+     laugh joins with is generally observed to gain the better of his
+     antagonist."
+
+In an amusing article upon punning, he gives the following instance of
+its beneficial effects:--
+
+     "A friend of mine who had the ague this Spring was, after the
+     failing of several medicines and charms, advised by me to enter
+     into a course of quibbling. He threw his electuaries out of his
+     window, and took Abracadabra off from his neck, and by the mere
+     force of punning upon that long magical word, threw himself into a
+     fine breathing sweat, and a quiet sleep. He is now in a fair way of
+     recovery, and says pleasantly, he is less obliged to the Jesuits
+     for their powder, than for their equivocation."
+
+Several periodicals of a similar character were afterwards published by
+Steele and others, but they wanted the old "salt," and were not equally
+successful.
+
+Thus, in 1745, a humorous periodical of a somewhat different character
+was attempted, which went through eight weekly numbers. It was called
+"The Agreeable Companion; or an Universal Medley of Wit and Good
+Humour." There was little original matter in it, but the proprietor
+recognized the desirability of having pieces by various hands, and so
+made long extracts from Prior, Gay, and Fenton. Although there was a
+considerable number of epitaphs, riddles, and fables, nearly all the
+jests were well known and trite. But the subjoined have a certain amount
+of neatness.
+
+
+  TO DORCAS.
+
+  "Oh! what bosom must but yield,
+  When like Pallas you advance,
+  With a thimble for your shield,
+  And a needle for your lance;
+  Fairest of the stitching train,
+  Ease my passion by your art,
+  And in pity to my pain,
+  Mend the hole that's in my heart."
+
+
+  TO SALLY, AT THE CHOP-HOUSE.
+
+  "Dear Sally, emblem of thy chop-house ware,
+  As broth reviving, and as white bread fair;
+  As small beer grateful, and as pepper strong,
+  As beef-steak tender, as fresh pot-herbs young;
+  Sharp as a knife, and piercing as a fork,
+  Soft as new butter, white as fairest pork;
+  Sweet as young mutton, brisk as bottled beer,
+  Smooth as is oil, juicy as cucumber,
+  And bright as cruet void of vinegar.
+  O, Sally! could I turn and shift my love
+  With the same skill that you your steaks can move,
+  My heart, thus cooked, might prove a chop-house feast,
+  And you alone should be the welcome guest.
+  But, dearest Sal! the flames that you impart,
+  Like chop on gridiron, broil my tender heart!
+  Which if thy kindly helping hand be n't nigh,
+  Must like an up-turned chop, hiss, brown, and fry;
+  And must at least, thou scorcher of my soul,
+  Shrink, and become an undistinguished coal."
+
+As the idea gradually gained ground that it would be necessary that the
+public, or a considerable number of writers, should take part in the
+literary work of a periodical, we now find a more important and
+promising publication called a magazine, and having the grand title of
+"The Wonderful Magazine!" It went through three monthly numbers in 1764.
+Even this was not intended to be exclusively humorous, but was to
+contain light stories as well as paradoxes and inquiries; the editor
+observing in the introduction that "a tailor's pattern-book must consist
+of various colours and various cloths; and what one thinks fashionable,
+another deems ridiculous." To help the new enterprise, an incentive to
+emulation was proposed by the offer of two silver medals, one for the
+most humorous tale, and the other for the best answer to a prize enigma.
+
+The Magazine contained a long story of enchantments, a dramatic scene
+full of conflicts and violence, some old _bons mots_, and pieces of
+indifferent poetry. The editor had evidently no good source to draw
+from, and the best pieces in the work are the following:--
+
+  "Belinda has such wondrous charms,
+  'Tis heaven to be within her arms;
+  And she's so charitably given,
+  She wishes all mankind in heaven."
+
+and
+
+          _A copy of Verses on Mr. Day,
+          Who from his Landlord ran away._
+  "Here Day and Night conspired a sudden flight,
+  For Day, they say, is run away by Night,
+  Day's past and gone. Why, landlord, where's your rent?
+  Did you not see that Day was almost spent?
+  Day pawned and sold, and put off what we might,
+  Though it be ne'er so dark, Day will be light;
+  You had one Day a tenant, and would fain
+  Your eyes could see that Day but once again.
+  No, landlord, no; now you may truly say
+  (And to your cost, too,) you have lost the Day.
+  Day is departed in a mist; I fear,
+  For Day is broke, and yet does not appear.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "But how, now, landlord, what's the matter, pray?
+  What! you can't sleep, you long so much for Day?
+  Cheer up then, man; what though you've lost a sum,
+  Do you not know that pay-day yet will come?
+  I will engage, do you but leave your sorrow,
+  My life for yours, Day comes again to-morrow;
+  And for your rent--never torment your soul,
+  You'll quickly see Day peeping through a hole."
+
+Births, deaths, and marriages are recorded in this Magazine, under such
+headings as "The Merry Gossips," "The Kissing Chronicle," and "The
+Undertaker's Harvest-Home," or "The Squallers--a tragi-comedy," "All for
+Love," and "Act V. Scene the Last."
+
+It seems to have been more easy at that time to collect wonders than
+witticisms--perhaps also the former were more appreciated, for the
+"Wonderful Magazine" was re-commenced in 1793, and went through sixty
+weekly numbers. It was intended to be humorous as well as marvellous,
+but the latter element predominated. Here we have accounts and
+engravings of witches, and of men remarkable for height and corpulence,
+for mental gifts or strange habits--a man is noticed who never took off
+his clothes for forty years. One of the most interesting biographies is
+that of Thomas Britton, known as "the musical small-coal man," who
+started the first musical society, and, notwithstanding his lowly
+calling, had great wit and literary attainments, and was intimate with
+Handel, and many noblemen. Probably he would not have obtained a place
+in this Magazine but for the circumstances of his death. There was, it
+seems, one Honeyman, a blacksmith, who was a ventriloquist, and could
+speak with his mouth closed. He was introduced to Britton, and, by way
+of a joke, told him in a sepulchral voice that he should die in a few
+hours. Britton never recovered the shock, but died a few days afterwards
+in 1714. Among the humorous pieces in this Magazine, we have:--
+
+
+  A DREADFUL SIGHT.
+
+  I saw a peacock with a fiery tail
+  I saw a comet drop down hail
+  I saw a cloud begirt with ivy round
+  I saw a sturdy oak creep on the ground
+  I saw a pismire swallow up a whale
+  I saw the sea brimful of ale
+  I saw a Venice glass full six feet deep
+  I saw a well filled with men's tears that weep
+  I saw men's eyes all in a flame of fire
+  I saw a house high as the moon and higher
+  I saw the sun even at midnight
+  I saw the man who saw this dreadful sight.
+
+There are a few amusing anecdotes in it, such as that about Alphonso,
+King of Naples. It says that he had a fool who recorded in a book the
+follies of the great men of the Court. The king sent a Moor in his
+household to the Levant to buy horses, for which he gave him ten
+thousand ducats, and the fool marked this as a piece of folly. Some time
+afterwards the king asked for the book to look over it, was surprised to
+find his own name, and asked why it was there. "Because," said the
+jester, "you have entrusted your money to one you are never likely to
+see again." "But if he does come again," demanded the king, "and brings
+me the horses, what folly have I committed?" "Well, if he does return,"
+replied the fool, "I'll blot out your name and put in his."
+
+We also find some puns remarkable for an absurdity so extravagant as to
+be noteworthy. There is a string of derivations of names of places
+constructed in the following manner:--
+
+     "When the seamen on board the ship of Christopher Columbus came in
+     sight of San Salvador, they burst out into exuberant mirth and
+     jollity. 'The lads are in a merry key,' cried the commodore.
+     America is now the name of half the globe.
+
+     "The city of Albany was originally settled by Scotch people. When
+     strangers on their arrival there asked how the new comers did, the
+     answer was 'All bonny.' The spelling is now a little altered but
+     the sound is the same.
+
+     "When the French first settled on the banks of the river St.
+     Lawrence, they were stinted by the intendant, Monsieur Picard, to a
+     can of spruce beer a day. The people thought this measure very
+     scant, and were constantly exclaiming, 'Can-a-day!' It would be
+     ungenerous of any reader to require a more rational derivation of
+     the word Canada."
+
+No name is more familiar to us in connection with humour than that of
+"Joe" (Josias) Miller. He was well known as a comedian, between 1710 and
+1738, and had considerable natural talent, but was unable to read. He
+owes his celebrity to popular jest books having been put forward in his
+name soon after his death.[9] It was common at that time, as we have
+seen in the case of Scogan, for compilers to seek to give currency to
+their humorous collections by attributing them to some celebrated wit of
+the day. To Jo Miller was attributed the humour most effective at the
+period in which he lived, and it has since passed as a byword for that
+which is broad and pointless. Sometimes it merely suggests staleness,
+and I have heard it said that he must have been the cleverest man in the
+world, for nobody ever heard a good story related that someone did not
+afterwards say that it was "a Jo Miller."
+
+A question may here be raised whether these humorous sayings, which are
+similar in all ages, have been handed down or re-invented over and over
+again. It must be admitted that the minds of men have a tendency to move
+in the same direction, and may have struck upon the same points in ages
+widely separated. In reading general literature, we constantly find the
+same thought suggesting itself to different writers, and I have known
+two people, who had no acquaintance with each other, make precisely the
+same joke--original in both cases. On the other hand, the rarity of
+genuine humour has given a permanent character to many clever sayings,
+and there has always been a demand for them to enliven the convivial and
+social intercourse of mankind. Their subtlety--the small points on which
+they turn--makes it difficult to remember them, but there will be always
+some men, who will treasure them for the delectation of their friends.
+It is remarkable that people are never tired of repeating humorous
+sayings, though they are soon wearied of hearing a repetition of them by
+others. A man who cannot endure to hear a joke three times, will keep
+telling the same one over and over all his life, and but for this, fewer
+good stories would survive. The pleasure derived from humour, while it
+lasts, is greater than that from sentiment or wisdom; hence we repeat it
+more in daily converse than poetry or proverbs, and the constant
+reproduction of it until it is reduced to a mere phantom, causes its
+influence to appear more transient than it is.
+
+And hence, although humour is generally "fleeting as the flowers," some
+of the jests, which pass with us as new, are more than two thousand
+years old. Porson said that he could trace back all the "Joe Millers" to
+a Greek origin. The domestic cat--the cause of many of our household
+calamities--was in full activity in the days of Aristophanes. Then, as
+now, mourners had recourse to the friendly onion; and if Pythagoreans
+had never dreamed of a donkey becoming a man, they had often known a man
+to become a donkey. If they were not able to skin a flint, they knew
+well what was meant by "skinning a flayed dog," and "shearing an ass."
+These and similar sayings, being of a simple character, may have been
+due to the same thought occurring to different minds, and this may be
+the case even where there is more point; thus, "an ass laden with gold
+will get into the strongest fortress," has been attributed to Frederick
+the Great and to Napoleon, and may have been due to both. The saying
+"Treat a friend as though he would one day become an enemy," has been
+attributed to Lord Chesterfield, to Publius Syrus, and even to Bias, one
+of the Seven Wise Men of Greece. Many may exclaim, "Perish those who
+have said our good things before us!"
+
+But where the saying is very remarkable, or depends on some peculiar
+circumstances, we may conclude that there is one original, and that upon
+this pivot a number of different names and characters have been made to
+revolve. It has been ascribed to or appropriated by many. We have read
+of two eminent comic writers in classical times dying of laughter at
+seeing an ass eat figs. Here it is most probable that there was some
+standing joke upon this subject, or that some instance of the kind
+occurred, and so this strange death came to be attributed to several
+individuals. The saying,
+
+  "On two days is a wife enjoyable,
+  That of her bridal and her burial,"
+
+attributed to Palladas in the fifth century A.D., was really
+due to Hipponax in the fifth century B.C.
+
+There is a story that Lord Stair was so like Louis XIV. that, when he
+went to the French Court, the King asked him whether his mother was ever
+in France, and that he replied "No, your Majesty, but my father was."
+This is in reality a Roman story, and the answer was made to Augustus by
+a young man from the country.
+
+Sydney Smith's reply when it was proposed to pave the approach to St.
+Paul's with blocks of wood, "The canons have only to put their heads
+together and it will be done," was not original; Rochester had made a
+similar remark to Charles II. when he noticed a construction near
+Shoreditch: and the story of the man who complained that the chicken
+brought up for his dinner had only one leg, and was told to go and look
+into the roost-house, is to be found in an old Turkish jest-book of the
+fifteenth century. When Byron said of Southey's poems that "they would
+be read when Homer and Virgil were forgotten--but not till then," he was
+no doubt repeating what Porson said of Sir Richard Blackmore's. "Most
+literary stories," observes Mr. Willmott, "seem to be shadows, brighter
+or fainter, of others told before."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+Sterne--His Versatility--Dramatic Form--Indelicacy--Sentiment and
+  Geniality--Letters to his Wife--Extracts from his Sermons--Dr.
+  Johnson.
+
+
+Sterne exceeded Smollett[10] in indelicacy as much as in humorous
+talent. He calls him Smelfungus, because he had written a fastidious
+book of travels. But he profited by his works, and the character of
+Uncle Toby reminds us considerably of Commodore Trunnion. But Sterne is
+more immediately associated in our minds with Swift, for both were
+clergymen, and both Irishmen by birth, though neither by parentage.
+Sterne's great-grandfather had been Archbishop of York, and his mother
+heiress of Sir Roger Jacques, of Elvington in Yorkshire. Through family
+interest Sterne became a Prebendary of York, and obtained two livings;
+at one of which he spent his time in quiet obscurity until his
+forty-seventh year, when the production of "Tristram Shandy" made him
+famous. He did not long enjoy his laurels, dying nine years afterwards
+in 1768.
+
+In both Sterne and Swift, as well as Congreve, we see the fertile
+erratic fancy of Ireland improved by the labour and reflection of
+England. Sterne's humour was inferior to Swift's, narrower and smaller;
+it was a sparkling wine, but light-bodied, and often bad in colour. His
+pleasantry had no depth or general bearing. He appealed to the senses,
+referred entirely to some particular and trivial coincidence, and often
+put amatory weaknesses under contribution to give it force. The current
+of his thoughts glided naturally and imperceptibly into poetry and
+humour, but his subject matter was not intellectual, though he sometimes
+showed fine emotional feeling.
+
+Under the head of acoustic humour we may place that abruptness of style
+which he managed so adroitly, and that dramatic punctuation, which he
+may be said to have invented, and of which no one ever else made so much
+use. No doubt he was an accomplished speaker; and we know that he had a
+good ear for music.
+
+There is something in Sterne which reminds us of a conjurer exhibiting
+tricks on the stage; in one place indeed, he speaks of his cap and
+bells, and no doubt many would have thought them more suitable to him
+than a cap and gown. He was a versatile man; fond of light and artistic
+pursuits, occupying, as he tells us, his leisure time with books,
+painting, fiddling, and shooting. In his nature there was much emotion
+and exuberance of mind, being that of an accomplished rather than of a
+thoughtful man; and we can believe when he avers that he "said a
+thousand things he never dreamed of." He had not sufficient foundation
+for humour of the highest kind; but in form and diction he was
+unrivalled. Perhaps this was why Thackeray said "he was a great jester,
+not a great humorist." But he had a dashing style, and the quick
+succession of ideas necessary for a successful author. Not only was he
+master of writing, but of the kindred art of rhetoric. He makes a
+correction in the accentuation of Corporal Trim, who begins to read a
+sermon with the text,--
+
+     "_For we trust we have a good conscience._ Heb. xiii., 8.
+     'TRUST! Trust we have a good conscience!!' 'Certainly,'
+     Trim, quoth my father, interrupting him, 'you give that sentence a
+     very improper accent, for you curl up your nose, man, and read it
+     with such a sneering tone, as if the parson was going to abuse the
+     apostle.'"
+
+The same kind of discrimination is shown in the following--
+
+     "'And how did Garrick speak the soliloquy last night?' 'Oh, against
+     all rule, my lord--most ungrammatically. Betwixt the substantive
+     and the adjective, which should agree together in number, case, and
+     gender, he made a breach thus, stopping, as if the point wanted
+     settling; and betwixt the nominative case, which your lordship
+     knows should govern the verb, he suspended his voice in the
+     epilogue a dozen times, three seconds and three-fifths by a stop
+     watch, my lord, each time.' 'Admirable grammarism!' 'But in
+     suspending his voice, was the sense suspended likewise? Did no
+     expression of attitude or countenance fill up the chasm? Was the
+     eye silent? Did you narrowly look?' 'I looked only at the stop
+     watch, my lord.' 'Excellent observer!'"
+
+His sensibility and taste in this direction was probably one of the
+bonds of the close intimacy, which existed between himself and David
+Garrick.
+
+We find among his works, numerous instances of his peculiar and artistic
+punctuation. Sometimes he continues an exclamation by means of dashes
+for three lines. Sometimes, by way of pause, he leaves out a whole page,
+and the first time he does this he humorously adds:--"Thrice happy book!
+thou wilt have one page which malice cannot blacken." One of the
+chapters of Tristram begins--
+
+"And a chapter it shall have."
+
+"A sermon commences--Judges xix. 1. 2. 3.
+
+     "'And it came to pass in those days, when there was no king in
+     Israel, that there was a certain Levite sojourning on the side of
+     Mount Ephraim, who took unto himself a concubine.'
+
+     "'A concubine! but the text accounts for it, for in those days
+     'there was no king in Israel!' then the Levite, you will say, like
+     every other man in it, did what was right in his own eyes; and so,
+     you may add, did his concubine too, for she went away.'"
+
+Another from Ecclesiastes--
+
+     "'It is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of
+     feasting.'--Eccl. vii. 2.
+
+     "That I deny--but let us hear the wise man's reasoning for
+     it:--'for that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to
+     his heart; sorrow is better than laughter, for a crack-brained
+     order of enthusiastic monks, I grant, but not for men of the
+     world.'"
+
+Of course, he introduces this cavil to combat it, but still maintains
+that travellers may be allowed to amuse themselves with the beauties of
+the country they are passing through.
+
+The following represents his arrival in the Paris of his day--
+
+     "Crack, crack! crack, crack! crack, crack!--so this is Paris! quoth
+     I,--and this is Paris!--humph!--Paris! cried I, repeating the name
+     the third time."
+
+     "The first, the finest, the most brilliant!
+
+     "The streets, however, are nasty.
+
+     "But it looks, I suppose, better than it smells. Crack, crack!
+     crack, crack! what a fuss thou makest! as if it concerned the good
+     people to be informed that a man with a pale face, and clad in
+     black had the honour to be driven into Paris at nine o'clock at
+     night, by a postillion in a tawny yellow jerkin, turned up with a
+     red calamanco! Crack! crack! crack! crack! crack! I wish thy
+     whip----But it is the spirit of the nation; so crack, crack on."
+
+Here is another instance;--
+
+     "Ptr--r--r--ing--twing--twang--prut--trut;--'tis a cursed bad
+     fiddle. Do you know whether my fiddle's in tune or no?--trut--prut.
+     They should be fifths. 'Tis wickedly strung--tr--a, e, i, o, u,
+     twang. The bridge is a mile too high, and the sound post absolutely
+     down,--else,--trut--prut.
+
+     "Hark! 'tis not so bad in tone. Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle,
+     diddle, diddle, dum. There is nothing in playing before good
+     judges; but there's a man there--no, not him with the bundle under
+     his arm--the grave man in black,--'sdeath! not the man with the
+     sword on. Sir, I had rather play a capriccio to Calliope herself
+     than draw my bow across my fiddle before that very man; and yet
+     I'll stake my Cremona to a Jew's trump, which is the greatest odds
+     that ever were laid, that I will this moment stop three hundred and
+     fifty leagues out of time upon my fiddle without punishing one
+     single nerve that belongs to him. Twiddle diddle,--tweddle
+     diddle,--twiddle diddle,--twoddle diddle,--twiddle
+     diddle;--prut-trut--krish--krash--krush,--I've outdone you, Sir,
+     but you see he's no worse; and was Apollo to take his fiddle after
+     me, he can make him no better. Diddle diddle; diddle diddle, diddle
+     diddle,--hum--dum--drum.
+
+     "Your worships and your reverences love music, and God has made you
+     all with good ears, and some of you play delightfully yourselves;
+     trut-prut--prut-trut."
+
+In the following passages we may also observe that peculiar neat and
+dramatic form of expression for which Sterne was remarkable.
+
+     "'Are we not,' continued Corporal Trim, looking still at
+     Susanah--'Are we not like a flower of the field?' A tear of pride
+     stole in betwixt every two tears of humiliation--else no tongue
+     could have described Susanah's affliction--'Is not all flesh
+     grass?--'Tis clay--'tis dirt.' They all looked directly at the
+     scullion;--the scullion had been just scouring a fish kettle--It
+     was not fair.
+
+     "'What is the finest face man ever looked at?' 'I could hear Trim
+     talk so for ever,' cried Susanah, 'What is it?' Susanah laid her
+     head on Trim's shoulder--'but corruption!'--Susanah took it off.
+
+     "Now I love you for this;--and 'tis this delicious mixture within
+     you, which makes you dear creatures what you are;--and he, who
+     hates you for it--all I can say of the matter is--that he has
+     either a pumpkin for his head, or a pippin for his heart...."
+
+     "Wanting the remainder of a fragment of paper on which he found an
+     amusing story, he asked his French servant for it; La Fleur said he
+     had wrapped it round the stalks of a bouquet, which he had given to
+     his _demoiselle_ upon the Boulevards. 'Then, prithee, La Fleur,'
+     said I 'step back to her, and see if thou canst get it.' 'There is
+     no doubt of it,' said La Fleur, and away he flew.
+
+     "In a very little time the poor fellow came back quite out of
+     breath, with deeper marks of disappointment in his looks than would
+     arise from the simple irreparability of the payment. _Juste ciel!_
+     in less than two minutes that the poor fellow had taken his last
+     farewell of her--his faithless mistress had given his _gage
+     d'amour_ to one of the Count's footmen--the footman to a young
+     semptress--and the semptress to a fiddler, with my fragment at the
+     end of it. Our misfortunes were involved together--I gave a sigh,
+     and La Fleur echoed it back to my ear. 'How perfidious!' cried La
+     Fleur, 'How unlucky,' said I.
+
+     "'I should not have been mortified, Monsieur,' quoth La Fleur, 'If
+     she had lost it.'
+
+     "'Nor I, La Fleur,' said I, 'had I found it.'"
+
+We very commonly form our opinion of an Author's character from his
+writings, and there is no doubt that his tendencies can scarcely fail to
+betray themselves to a careful observer. But experience has generally
+taught him to curb or quicken his feelings according to the notions of
+the public taste, so that he often expresses the sentiments of others
+rather than his own. Hence a literary friend once observed to me that a
+man is very different from what his writings would lead you to suppose.
+I think there are certain indications in Sterne's writings that he
+introduced those passages to which objection was justly taken for the
+purpose of catching the favour of the public. He had already published
+some Sermons, which, he says, "found neither purchasers nor readers."
+
+Conscious of his talent, and being no doubt reminded of it by his
+friends, he wished to obtain a field for it, and determined now to try a
+different course. He wrote "Tristram Shandy" as he says "not to be fed,
+but to be famous," and so just was the opinion of what would please the
+age in which he lived that we find the quiet country rector suddenly
+transformed into the most popular literary man of the day,--going up to
+London and receiving more invitations than he could accept. He had made
+his gold current by a considerable admixture of alloy; and endeavoured
+to excuse his offences of this kind by a variety of subterfuges. Upon
+one occasion, he compared them to the antics of children which although
+unseemly, are performed with perfect innocence.
+
+Of course this was a jest. Sterne was not living in a Paradisaical age,
+and he intentionally overstept the boundaries of decorum. But granting
+he had an object in view, was he justified in adopting such means to
+obtain it? certainly not; but he had some right to laugh, as he does, at
+the inconsistency of the public, who, while they blamed his books,
+bought up the editions of them as fast as they could be issued.
+
+If Sterne's humour was often offensive, we must in justice admit it was
+never cynical. Had it possessed more satire it would have, perhaps, been
+more instructive, but there was a bright trait in Sterne's character,
+that he never accused others. On the contrary, he censures men who,
+"wishing to be thought witty, and despairing of coming honestly by the
+title, try to affect it by shrewd and sarcastic reflections upon
+whatever is done in the world. This is setting up trade with the broken
+stock of other people's failings--perhaps their misfortunes--so, much
+good may it do them with what honour they can get--the farthest extent
+of which, I think, is to be praised, as we do some sauces--with tears in
+our eyes. It has helped to give a bad name to wit, as if the main
+essence of it was satire."
+
+Sterne had no personal enmities; his faults were all on the amiable
+side, nor can we imagine a selfish cold-hearted sensualist writing "Dear
+Sensibility, source inexhausted by all that is precious in our joys, or
+costly in our sorrows." His letters to his wife before their marriage
+exhibit the most tender and beautiful sentiments;--
+
+     "My L---- talks of leaving the country; may a kind angel guide thy
+     steps hither--Thou sayest thou will quit the place with regret;--I
+     think I see you looking twenty times a day at the house--almost
+     counting every brick and pane of glass, and telling them at the
+     same time with a sigh, you are going to leave them--Oh, happy
+     modification of matter! they will remain insensible to thy loss.
+     But how wilt thou be able to part with thy garden? the recollection
+     of so many pleasant walks must have endeared it to you. The trees,
+     the shrubs, the flowers, which thou reared with thy own hands, will
+     they not droop, and fade away sooner upon thy departure? Who will
+     be thy successor to raise them in thy absence? Thou wilt leave thy
+     name upon the myrtle tree--If trees, shrubs, and flowers could
+     compose an elegy, I should expect a very plaintive one on this
+     subject."
+
+In the course of one of his sermons he writes very characteristically--
+
+     "Let the torpid monk seek heaven comfortless and alone, God speed
+     him! For my own part, I fear I should never so find the way; let me
+     be wise and religious, but let me be man; wherever Thy Providence
+     places me, or whatever be the road I take to get to Thee, give me
+     some companion in my journey, be it only to remark to. 'How our
+     shadows lengthen as the sun goes down,' to whom I may say, 'How
+     fresh is the face of nature! How sweet the flowers of the field!
+     How delicious are these fruits!'"
+
+We believe these to have been sincere expressions--inside his motley
+garb he had a heart of tenderness. It went forth to all, even to the
+animal world--to the caged starling. Some may attribute the ebullitions
+of feeling in his works to affectation, but those who have read them
+attentively will observe the same impulses too generally predominant to
+be the work of design. The story of the prisoner Le Fevre and of Maria
+bear the brightest testimony to his character in this respect. What
+sentiments can surpass in poetic beauty or religious feeling that in
+which he commends the distraught girl to the beneficence of the Almighty
+who "tempers the wind to the shorn lamb."
+
+We have no proof that Sterne was a dissipated man. He expressly denies
+it in a letter written shortly before his death, and in another, he
+says, "The world has imagined because I wrote 'Tristram Shandy,' that I
+myself was more Shandean than I really was." In his day many, not only
+of the laity, but of the clergy, thought little of indulging in coarse
+jests, and of writing poetry which contained much more wit than decency.
+Sterne having lived in retirement until 1759, must have had a feeble
+constitution, for in the Spring of 1762 he broke a blood vessel, and
+again in the same Autumn he "bled the bed full," owing, as he says, to
+the temperature of Paris, which was "as hot as Nebuchadnezzar's oven."
+He complains of the fatigue of writing and preaching, and these
+dangerous attacks were constantly recurring, until the time of his
+death.
+
+Sterne's sermons went through seven editions. They are not doctrinal,
+but enjoin benevolence and charity. There is not so much humour in them
+as in some of the present day, but he sometimes gives point to his
+reflections.
+
+On the subject of religious fanaticism he says:--
+
+     "When a poor disconsolate drooping creature is terrified from all
+     enjoyments--prays without ceasing till his imagination is
+     heated--fasts and mortifies and mopes till his body is in as bad a
+     plight as his mind, is it a wonder that the mechanical disturbances
+     and conflicts of an empty belly, interpreted by an empty head,
+     should be mistaken for the workings of a different kind to what
+     they are? or that in such a situation every commotion should help
+     to fix him in this malady, and make him a fitter subject for the
+     treatment of a physician than of a divine.
+
+     "The insolence of base minds in success is boundless--not unlike
+     some little particles of matter struck off from the surface of the
+     dial by the sunshine, they dance and sport there while it lasts,
+     but the moment it is withdrawn they fall down--for dust they are,
+     and unto dust they will return.
+
+     "When Absalom is cast down, Shimei is the first man who hastens to
+     meet David; and had the wheel turned round a hundred times. Shimei,
+     I dare say, at every period of its rotation, would have been
+     uppermost. Oh, Shimei! would to heaven when thou wast slain, that
+     all thy family had been slain with thee, and not one of thy
+     resemblance left! but ye have multiplied exceedingly and
+     replenished the earth; and if I prophecy rightly, ye will in the
+     end subdue it."
+
+Dr. Johnson speaks of "the man Sterne," and was jealous of his receiving
+so many more invitations than himself. But the good Doctor with all his
+learning and intellectual endowments was not so pleasant a companion as
+Sterne, and, although sometimes sarcastic, had none of his talent for
+humour.
+
+Johnson wrote some pretty Anacreontics, but his turn of mind was rather
+grave than gay. He was generally pompous, which together with his
+self-sufficiency led Cowper, somewhat irreverently, to call him a
+"prig." Among his few light and humorous snatches, we have lines written
+in ridicule of certain poems published in 1777--
+
+  "Wheresoe'er I turn my view,
+  All is strange, yet nothing new;
+  Endless labour all along,
+  Endless labour to be wrong:
+
+  "Phrase that time has flung away
+  Uncouth words in disarray,
+  Tricked in antique ruff and bonnet
+  Ode, and elegy, and sonnet."
+
+An imitation--
+
+  "Hermit poor in solemn cell
+  Wearing out life's evening grey,
+  Strike thy bosom sage and tell
+  Which is bliss, and which the way.
+
+  "Thus I spoke, and speaking sighed
+  Scarce repressed the starting tear
+  When the hoary sage replyed
+  'Come my lad, and drink some beer.'"
+
+The following is an impromptu conceit. "To Mrs. Thrale, on her
+completing her thirty-fifth year."
+
+  "Oft in danger, yet alive,
+  We are come to thirty-five;
+  Long may better years arrive
+  Better years than thirty-five,
+  Could philosophers contrive
+  Life to stop at thirty-five,
+  Time his hours should never drive
+  O'er the bounds of thirty-five.
+  High to soar, and deep to dive,
+  Nature gives at thirty-five,
+  Ladies stock and tend your hive,
+  Trifle not at thirty-five,
+  For howe'er we boast and strive
+  Life declines from thirty-five.
+  He that ever hopes to thrive
+  Must begin by thirty-five,
+  And all who wisely wish to wive
+  Must look on Thrale at thirty-five."
+
+There is a pleasing mixture of wisdom and humour in the following stanza
+written to Miss Thrale on hearing her consulting a friend as to a dress
+and hat she was inclined to wear--
+
+  "Wear the gown and wear the hat
+  Snatch thy pleasures while they last,
+  Had'st thou nine lives like a cat
+  Soon those nine lives would be past."
+
+Johnson's friends Garrick and Foote, although so great in the mimetic
+art, do not deserve any particular mention as writers of comedy.
+
+It is said that Garrick went to a school in Tichfield at which Johnson
+was an usher, and that master and pupil came up to London together to
+seek their fortunes. But although Garrick became the first of comic
+actors, he produced nothing literary but a few indifferent farces. The
+same may be said of Foote, who was also a celebrated wit in
+conversation. Johnson said, "For loud, obstreperous, broad-faced mirth,
+I know not his equal."
+
+One of Dr. Johnson's friends was Mrs. Charlotte Lennox to whom he gives
+the palm among literary ladies. Up to this time there were few lady
+humorists, and none of an altogether respectable description. But Mrs.
+Lennox appeared as a harbinger of that refined and harmless pleasantry
+which has since sparkled through the pages of our best authoresses. She
+wrote a comedy, poems, and novels, her most remarkable production being
+the Female Quixote. Here a young lady who had been reading romances,
+enacts the heroine with very amusing results. In plan the work is a
+close imitation of Don Quixote but the character is not so natural as
+that drawn by Cervantes.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+Dodsley--"A Muse in Livery"--"The Devil's a Dunce"--"The Toy
+  Shop"--Fielding--Smollett.
+
+Robert Dodsley was born in 1703. He was the son of a schoolmaster in
+Mansfield, but went into domestic service as a footman, and held several
+respectable situations. While in this capacity, he employed his leisure
+time in composing poetry, and he appropriately named his first
+production "A Muse in Livery." The most pleasant and interesting of
+these early poems is that in which he gives an account of his daily
+life, showing how observant a footman may be. It is in the form of an
+epistle:--
+
+  "Dear friend,
+  Since I am now at leisure,
+  And in the country taking pleasure,
+  It may be worth your while to hear
+  A silly footman's business there;
+  I'll try to tell in easy rhyme
+  How I in London spent my time.
+  And first,
+  As soon as laziness would let me
+  I rise from bed, and down I sit me
+  To cleaning glasses, knives, and plate,
+  And such like dirty work as that,
+  Which (by the bye) is what I hate!
+  This done, with expeditious care
+  To dress myself I straight prepare,
+  I clean my buckles, black my shoes,
+  Powder my wig and brush my clothes,
+  Take off my beard and wash my face,
+  And then I'm ready for the chase.
+  Down comes my lady's woman straight,
+  'Where's Robin?' 'Here!' 'Pray take your hat
+  And go--and go--and go--and go--
+  And this and that desire to know.'
+  The charge received, away run I
+  And here and there, and yonder fly,
+  With services and 'how d'ye does,'
+  Then home return well fraught with news.
+  Here some short time does interpose
+  Till warm effluvias greet my nose,
+  Which from the spits and kettles fly,
+  Declaring dinner time is nigh.
+  To lay the cloth I now prepare
+  With uniformity and care;
+  In order knives and forks are laid,
+  With folded napkins, salt, and bread:
+  The sideboards glittering too appear
+  With plate and glass and china-ware.
+  Then ale and beer and wine decanted,
+  And all things ready which are wanted.
+  The smoking dishes enter in,
+  To stomachs sharp a grateful scene;
+  Which on the table being placed,
+  And some few ceremonies past,
+  They all sit down and fall to eating,
+  Whilst I behind stand silent waiting.
+  This is the only pleasant hour
+  Which I have in the twenty-four.
+  For whilst I unregarded stand,
+  With ready salver in my hand,
+  And seem to understand no more
+  Than just what's called for out to pour,
+  I hear and mark the courtly phrases,
+  And all the elegance that passes;
+  Disputes maintained without digression,
+  With ready wit and fine expression;
+  The laws of true politeness stated,
+  And what good breeding is, debated.
+    This happy hour elapsed and gone,
+  The time for drinking tea comes on,
+  The kettle filled, the water boiled,
+  The cream provided, biscuits piled,
+  And lamp prepared, I straight engage
+  The Lilliputian equipage,
+  Of dishes, saucers, spoons and tongs,
+  And all the et cetera which thereto belongs;
+  Which ranged in order and decorum
+  I carry in and set before 'em,
+  Then pour the green or bohea out,
+  And as commanded hand about."
+
+After the early dinner and "dish" of tea, his mistress goes out visiting
+in the evening, and Dodsley precedes her with a flambeau.
+
+Another fancy was entitled "The Devil's a Dunce," was directed against
+the Pope.[11] Two friends apply to him for absolution, one rich and the
+other poor. The rich man obtained the pardon, but the poor sued in vain,
+the Pope replying:--
+
+  "I cannot save you if I would,
+  Nor would I do it if I could."
+
+  "Home goes the man in deep despair,
+  And died soon after he came there,
+  And went 'tis said to hell: but sure
+  He was not there for being poor!
+  But long he had not been below
+  Before he saw his friend come too.
+  At this he was in great surprise
+  And scarcely could believe his eyes,
+  'What! friend,' said he, 'are you come too?
+  I thought the Pope had pardoned you.'
+  'Yes,' quoth the man, 'I thought so too,
+  But I was by the Pope trepanned,
+  _The devil couldn't read his hand_.'"
+
+The footman's next literary attempt was in a dramatic poem named "The
+Toy-Shop," and he had the courage to send it to Pope. Why he selected
+this poet does not plainly appear; by some it is said that his then
+mistress introduced her servant's poems to Pope's notice, but it is not
+improbable that Dodsley had heard of him from his brother, who was
+gardener to Mr. Allen of Prior Park, Bath, where Pope was often on a
+visit. However this may have been, he received a very kind letter from
+the poet, and an introduction to Mr. Rich, whose approval of the piece
+led to its being performed at Covent Garden.[12] This play was the
+foundation of Dodsley's fortune. By means of the money thus obtained, he
+set himself up as a bookseller in Pall Mall, and became known to the
+world of rank and genius. He produced successively "The King and the
+Miller of Mansfield," and "The Blind Beggar of Bethnal Green." He
+published for Pope, and in 1738, Samuel Johnson sold his first original
+publication to him for ten guineas. He suggested to Dr. Johnson the
+scheme of writing an English Dictionary, and also, in conjunction with
+Edmund Burke, commenced the "Annual Register." Dodsley's principal work
+was the "Economy of Human Life," written in an aphoristic style, and
+ascribed to Lord Chesterfield. He also made a collection of six volumes
+of contemporary poems, and they show how much rarer humour was than
+sentiment, for Dodsley was not a man to omit anything sparkling. The
+following imitation of Ambrose Philips--a general butt--has merit:
+
+
+  A PIPE OF TOBACCO.
+
+  Little tube of mighty power,
+  Charmer of an idle hour,
+  Object of my warm desire
+  Lip of wax, and eye of fire,
+  And thy snowy taper waist
+  With my finger gently braced,
+  And thy pretty smiling crest
+  With my little stopper pressed,
+  And the sweetest bliss of blisses
+  Breathing from thy balmy kisses,
+  Happy thrice and thrice again
+  Happiest he of happy men,
+  Who, when again the night returns,
+  When again the taper burns,
+  When again the cricket's gay,
+  (Little cricket full of play),
+  Can afford his tube to feed
+  With the fragrant Indian weed.
+  Pleasures for a nose divine
+  Incense of the god of wine,
+  Happy thrice and thrice again,
+  Happiest he of happy men.
+
+Few humorous writers have attained to a greater celebrity than Fielding.
+He was born in 1707, was a son of General Fielding, and a relative of
+Lord Denbigh. In his early life, his works, which were comedies, were
+remarkable for severe satire, and some of them so political as to be
+instrumental in leading to the Chamberlain's supervision of the stage.
+His turn of mind was decidedly cynical.
+
+In the "Pleasures of the Town," we have many songs, of which the
+following is a specimen:--
+
+  "The stone that always turns at will
+  To gold, the chemist craves;
+  But gold, without the chemist's skill,
+  Turns all men into knaves.
+
+  "The merchant would the courtier cheat,
+  When on his goods he lays
+  Too high a price--but faith he's bit--
+  For a courtier never pays.
+
+  "The lawyer with a face demure,
+  Hangs him who steals your pelf,
+  Because the good man can endure
+  No robber but himself.
+
+  "Betwixt the quack and highwayman,
+  What difference can there be?
+  Tho' this with pistol, that with pen,
+  Both kill you for a fee."
+
+His plays were not very successful. They abounded in witty sallies and
+repartee, but the general plot was not humorous. The jollity was of a
+rough farcical character. It was said he left off writing for the stage
+when he should have begun. He took little care with his plays, and would
+go home late from a tavern, and bring a dramatic scene in the morning,
+written on the paper in which he had wrapped his tobacco.
+
+In many of his works he shows a mind approaching that of the Roman
+satirists. Speaking of "Jonathan Wild," he says:--
+
+     "I think we may be excused for suspecting that the splendid palaces
+     of the great are often no other than Newgate with the mask on; nor
+     do I know anything which can raise an honest man's indignation
+     higher than that the same morals should be in one place attended
+     with all imaginary misery and infamy, and in the other with the
+     highest luxury and honour. Let any impartial man in his senses be
+     asked, for which of these two places a composition of cruelty,
+     lust, avarice, rapine, insolence, hypocrisy, fraud, and treachery
+     is best fitted? Surely his answer will be certain and immediate;
+     and yet I am afraid all these ingredients glossed over with wealth
+     and a title have been treated with the highest respect and
+     veneration in the one, while one or two of them have been condemned
+     to the gallows in the other. If there are, then, any men of such
+     morals, who dare call themselves great, and are so reputed, or
+     called at least, by the deceived multitude, surely a little private
+     censure by the few is a very moderate tax for them to pay."
+
+There is a considerable amount of humour in Fielding's "Journey from
+this World to the Next." He represents the spirits as drawing lots
+before they enter this life as to what their destinies are to be, and he
+introduces a sort of migration of souls, in which Julian becomes a king,
+fool, tailor, beggar, &c. As a tailor, he speaks of the dignity of his
+calling, "the prince gives the title, but the tailor makes the man." Of
+course his reflections turn very much upon his bills.
+
+     "Courtiers," he says, "may be divided into two sorts, very
+     essentially different from each other; into those who never intend
+     to pay for their clothes, and those who do intend to pay for them,
+     but are never able. Of the latter sort are many of those young
+     gentlemen whom we equip out for the army, and who are, unhappily
+     for us, cast off before they arrive at preferment. This is the
+     reason why tailors in time of war are mistaken for politicians by
+     their inquisitiveness into the event of battles, one campaign very
+     often proving the ruin of half-a-dozen of us."
+
+Julian also gives his experience during his life as a beggar, showing
+that his life was not so very miserable.
+
+     "I married a charming young woman for love; she was the daughter of
+     a neighbouring beggar, who with an improvidence too often seen,
+     spent a very large income, which he procured from his profession,
+     so that he was able to give her no fortune down. However, at his
+     death he left her a very well-accustomed begging hut situated on
+     the side of a steep hill, where travellers could not immediately
+     escape from us; and a garden adjoining, being the twenty-eighth
+     part of an acre well-planted. She made the best of wives, bore me
+     nineteen children, and never failed to get my supper ready against
+     my return home--this being my favourite meal, and at which I, as
+     well as my whole family, greatly enjoyed ourselves."
+
+     "No profession," he observes, "requires a deeper insight into human
+     nature than a beggar's. Their knowledge of the passions of men is
+     so extensive, that I have often thought it would be of no little
+     service to a politician to have his education among them. Nay,
+     there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than
+     is imagined: for both concur in their first and grand principle, it
+     being equally their business to delude and impose on mankind. It
+     must be admitted that they differ widely in the degree of
+     advantage, which they make of their deceit; for whereas the beggar
+     is contented with a little, the politician leaves but a little
+     behind."
+
+There is a considerable amount of indelicacy in the episodes in "Tom
+Jones," and also of hostility, which is exhibited in the rough form of
+pugilistic encounters, so as almost to remind us of the old comic stage.
+He seems especially fond of settling quarrels in this way, and wishes
+that no other was ever used, and that "iron should dig no bowels but
+those of the earth." The character of Deborah Wilkins, the old maid who
+is shocked at the frivolity of Jenny Jones; of Thwackum, the
+schoolmaster, whose "meditations were full of birch;" and of the barber,
+whose jests, although they brought him so many slaps and kicks "would
+come," are excellent. There is a vast fertility of humour in his pages,
+which depending upon the general circumstances and peculiar characters
+of the persons introduced, cannot be easily appreciated in extracts. The
+following, however, can be understood easily:--
+
+     "'I thought there must be a devil,' the sergeant says to the
+     innkeeper, 'notwithstanding what the officers said, though one of
+     them was a captain, for methought, thinks I to myself, if there be
+     no devil how can wicked people be sent to him? and I have read all
+     that upon a book.' 'Some of your officers,' quoth the landlord,
+     'will find there is a devil to their shame, I believe. I don't
+     question but he'll pay off some old scores upon my account. Here
+     was one quartered upon me half-a-year, who had the conscience to
+     take up one of my best beds, though he hardly spent a shilling a
+     day in the house, and his man went to roast cabbages at the kitchen
+     fire, because I would not give them a dinner on Sunday. Every good
+     Christian must desire that there should be a devil for the
+     punishment of such wretches....'"
+
+The Man of the Hill gives his travelling experiences:--
+
+     "'In Italy the landlords are very silent. In France they are more
+     talkative, but yet civil. In Germany and Holland they are generally
+     very impertinent. And as for their honesty I believe it is pretty
+     equal in all those countries.... As for my own part, I past through
+     all these nations, as you perhaps may have through a crowd at a
+     show, jostling to get by them, holding my nose with one hand, and
+     defending my pockets with the other, without speaking a word to any
+     of them while I was pressing on to see what I wanted to see.'
+
+     "'Did you not find some of the nations less troublesome to you than
+     the others?' said Jones.
+
+     "'Oh, yes,' replied the old man, 'the Turks were much more
+     tolerable to me than the Christians, for they are men of profound
+     taciturnity, and never disturb a stranger with questions. Now and
+     then, indeed, they bestow a short curse upon him, or spit in his
+     face as he walks in the streets, but then they have done with
+     him.'"
+
+From another passage, we find that ladies are armed with very deadly
+weapons. He had said that Love was no more capable of allaying hunger
+than a rose is capable of delighting the ear, or a violin of gratifying
+the smell, and he gives an instance:--
+
+     "Say then, ye graces, you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of
+     Seraphina's countenance, what were the weapons used to captivate
+     the heart of Mr. Jones. First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose
+     bright orbs flashed lightning at their discharge, flew off two
+     pointed ogles; but, happily for our hero, hit only a vast piece of
+     beef, which he was then conveying into his plate. The fair warrior
+     perceived their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom
+     drew forth a deadly sigh; a sigh, which none could have heard
+     unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen
+     beaux--so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating air must
+     have found its subtle way to the heart of our hero, had it not
+     luckily been driven from his ears by the coarse bubbling of some
+     bottled ale which at that time he was pouring forth. Many other
+     weapons did she essay; but the god of eating (if there be any such
+     deity) preserved his votary; or, perhaps, the security of Jones may
+     be accounted for by natural means, for, as love frequently
+     preserves from the attacks of hunger, so may hunger possibly, in
+     some cases, defend us against love. No sooner was the cloth
+     removed, than she again began her operations. First, having planted
+     her right eye sideways against Mr. Jones, she shot from its corner
+     a most penetrating glance, which, though great part of its force
+     was spent before it reached our hero, did not vent itself without
+     effect. This, the fair one perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes,
+     and levelled them downwards as if she was concerned only for what
+     she had done, though by this means she designed only to draw him
+     from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes, through which she
+     intended to surprise his heart. And now gently lifting those two
+     bright orbs, which had already begun to make an impression on poor
+     Jones, she discharged a volley of small charms from her whole
+     countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth or of joy, but a smile
+     of affection, which most ladies have always ready at their command,
+     and which serves them to show at once their good-humour, their
+     pretty dimples, and their white teeth.
+
+     "This smile our hero received full in his eyes, and was immediately
+     staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the
+     enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on
+     foot between the parties, during which the artful fair so slily and
+     imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued
+     the heart of our hero before she again repaired to acts of
+     hostility. To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr. Jones maintained a
+     kind of Dutch defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison
+     without duly weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia."
+
+It has generally been the custom to couple the name of Smollett with
+that of Fielding, but the former has scarcely any claim to be regarded
+as a humorist, except such as is largely due to the use of gross
+indelicacy and coarse caricature. He first attempted poetry, and wrote
+two dull satires "Advice" and "Reproof." His "Ode to Mirth," is somewhat
+sprightly, but of his songs the following is a favourable specimen:--
+
+  "From the man whom I love, though my heart I disguise,
+  I will freely describe the wretch I despise,
+  And if he has sense but to balance a straw
+  He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw.
+
+  "A wit without sense, without fancy, a beau,
+  Like a parrot he chatters, and struts like a crow;
+  A peacock in pride, in grimace a baboon,
+  In courage a hind, in conceit a gascon.
+
+  "As a vulture rapacious, in falsehood a fox,
+  Inconstant as waves, and unfeeling as rocks,
+  As a tiger ferocious, perverse as a hog,
+  In mischief an ape, and in fawning a dog.
+
+  "In a word, to sum up all his talents together,
+  His heart is of lead, and his brain is of feather,
+  Yet if he has sense to balance a straw
+  He will sure take the hint from the picture I draw."
+
+Although Smollett indulged in great coarseness, I doubt whether he has
+anything more humorous in his writings than the above lines. Sir Walter
+Scott formed a more just opinion of him than some later critics. He
+says:--
+
+     "Smollett's humour arises from the situation of the persons, or the
+     peculiarity of their external appearance, as Roderick Random's
+     carroty locks, which hung down over his shoulders like a pound of
+     candles; or Strap's ignorance of London, and the blunders that
+     follow it. There is a tone of vulgarity about all his productions."
+
+Smollett was born in Dumbartonshire in 1721. He became a surgeon, and
+for six or seven years was employed in the Navy in that capacity. This
+may account for the strong flavour of brine and tar in the best of his
+works--his sea sketches have a considerable amount of character in
+them--sometimes rather too much. His liberal use of nautical language is
+exhibited when Lieutenant Hatchway is going away,
+
+     "Trunnion, not a little affected, turned his eye ruefully upon the
+     lieutenant saying in piteous tone, 'What! leave me at last, Jack,
+     after we have weathered so many hard gales together? Damn my limbs!
+     I thought you had been more of an honest heart: I looked upon you
+     as my foremast and Tom Pipes as my mizen; now he is carried away;
+     if so be as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed d'ye see,
+     the first squall will bring me by the board. Damn ye, if in case I
+     have given offence, can't you speak above board, and I shall make
+     you amends."
+
+Some idea of his best comic scenes, which have a certain kind of
+humorous merit, may be obtained from the following description of the
+progress of Commodore Trunnion and his party to the Wedding. Wishing to
+go in state, they advance on horseback, and are seen crossing the road
+obliquely so as to avoid the eye of the wind. The cries of a pack of
+hounds unfortunately reach the horses' ears, who being hunters,
+immediately start off after them in full gallop.
+
+     "The Lieutenant, whose steed had got the heels of the others,
+     finding it would be great folly and presumption in him to pretend
+     to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, very wisely took the
+     opportunity of throwing himself off in his passage through a field
+     of rich clover, among which he lay at his ease; and seeing his
+     captain advancing at full gallop, hailed him with the salutation of
+     'What cheer? ho!' The Commodore, who was in infinite distress,
+     eyeing him askance, as he passed replied with a faltering voice, 'O
+     damn ye! you are safe at an anchor, I wish to God I were as fast
+     moored.' Nevertheless, conscious of his disabled heel, he would not
+     venture to try the experiment that had succeeded so well with
+     Hatchway, but resolved to stick as close as possible to his
+     horse's back, until Providence should interpose in his behalf. With
+     this view he dropped his whip, and with his right hand laid fast
+     hold of the pommel, contracting every muscle of his body to secure
+     himself in the seat, and grinning most formidably in consequence of
+     this exertion. In this attitude he was hurried on a considerable
+     way, when all of a sudden his view was comforted by a five-bar gate
+     that appeared before him, as he never doubted that there the career
+     of his hunter must necessarily end. But alas! he reckoned without
+     his host. Far from halting at this obstruction, the horse sprang
+     over with amazing agility, to the utter confusion and disorder of
+     his owner, who lost his hat and periwig in the leap, and now began
+     to think in good earnest that he was actually mounted on the back
+     of the devil. He recommended himself to God, his reflection forsook
+     him, his eyesight and all his other senses failed, he quitted the
+     reins, and fastening by instinct on the main, was in this condition
+     conveyed into the midst of the sportsmen, who were astonished at
+     the sight of such an apparition. Neither was their surprise to be
+     wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that presented itself to
+     their view."
+
+Smollett delights in practical jokes, fighting, and violent language.
+Sometimes we are almost in danger of the dagger. He rejoices in fun, in
+such scenes as that of Random fighting Captain Weasel with the
+roasting-spit, and what he says in "Humphrey Clinker" of the ladies, at
+a party in Bath, might better apply to his own dialogues. "Some cried,
+some swore, and the tropes and figures of Billingsgate were used without
+reserve in all their native rest and flavour."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Cowper--Lady Austen's Influence--"John Gilpin"--"The
+  Task"--Goldsmith--"The Citizen of the World"--Humorous
+  Poems--Quacks--Baron Muenchausen.
+
+
+Humour seems to have an especial claim upon us in connection with the
+name of Cowper, inasmuch as but for it we should never have become
+acquainted with his writings. Many as are the charms of his works, they
+would never have become popularly known without this addition. In 1782
+he published his collection of poems, but it only had an indifferent
+sale. Although friends spoke well of them, reviews gave forth various
+and uncertain opinions, and there was no sufficient inducement to lead
+the public to buy or read. Cowper was upon the verge of sinking into the
+abyss of unsuccessful authors, when a bright vision crossed his path.
+Lady Austen paid a visit to Olney. She had lived much in France, and was
+overflowing with good humour and vivacity. She came to reside at the
+Vicarage at the back of his house, and they became so intimate that
+they passed the days alternately with each other. "Lady Austen's
+conversation had," writes Southey, "as happy an effect on the melancholy
+spirit of Cowper, as the harp of David had upon Saul."
+
+It is refreshing to turn from cynicism and prurience, to gentle and more
+harmless pleasantry. Cowper was very sympathetic, and easily took the
+impression of those with whom he consorted. Most of his pieces were
+written at the suggestion of others. Mrs. Unwin was of a melancholy and
+serious turn of mind, and tended to repress his lighter fancies, but his
+letters show that playfulness was natural to him; and in his first
+volume of poems we find two pieces of a decidedly humorous cast. We have
+"The Report of an Adjudged Case not to be found in any of the books."
+
+  "Between nose and eyes a strange contest arose,
+  The spectacles set them unhappily wrong,
+  The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
+  To which the said spectacles ought to belong."
+
+We know the Chief Baron Ear, finally gave his decision--
+
+  "That whenever the nose put his spectacles on
+  By daylight or candlelight, eyes should be shut."
+
+The other piece is called "Hypocristy Detected."
+
+  "Thus says the prophet of the Turk,
+  Good Mussulman, abstain from pork,
+  There is a part in every swine
+  No friend or follower of mine
+  May taste, whate'er his inclination
+  On pain of excommunication.
+  Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
+  And thus he left the point at large.
+  Had he the sinful part expressed
+  They might with safety eat the rest;
+  But for one piece they thought it hard
+  From the whole hog to be debarred,
+  And set their wit at work to find
+  What joint the prophet had in mind.
+  Much controversy straight arose
+  These choose the back, the belly those;
+  By some 'tis confidently said
+  He meant not to forbid the head;
+  While others at that doctrine rail,
+  And piously prefer the tail.
+  Thus conscience freed from every clog,
+  Mahometans eat up the hog."
+
+The moral follows, pointing out that each one makes an exception in
+favour of his own besetting sin.
+
+These touches of humour which had hitherto appeared timidly in his
+writings were encouraged by Lady Austen. "A new scene is opening," he
+writes, "which will add fresh plumes to the wings of time." She was his
+bright and better genius. Trying in every way to cheer his spirits, she
+told him one day an old nursery story she had heard in her
+childhood--the "History of John Gilpin." Cowper was much taken with it,
+and next morning he came down to breakfast with a ballad composed upon
+it, which made them laugh till they cried. He sent it to Mr. Unwin, who
+had it inserted in a newspaper. But little was thought of it, until
+Henderson, a well-known actor introduced it into his readings.[13] From
+that moment Cowper's fame was secured, and his next work "The Task,"
+also suggested by Lady Austen, had a wide circulation.
+
+After this success, Lady Austen set Cowper a "Task," which he performed
+excellently and secured his fame. He was at first at a loss how to begin
+it--"Write on anything," she said, "on this sofa." He took her at her
+word, and proceeded--
+
+  "The nurse sleeps sweetly, hired to watch the sick,
+  Whom snoring she disturbs. As sweetly he
+  Who quits the coachbox at the midnight hour
+  To sleep within the carriage more secure,
+  His legs depending at the open door.
+  Sweet sleep enjoys the curate in his desk,
+  The tedious rector drawling o'er his head,
+  And sweet the clerk below: but neither sleep
+  Of lazy nurse, who snores the sick man dead,
+  Nor his, who quits the box at midnight hour
+  To slumber in the carriage more secure,
+  Nor sleep enjoyed by curate in his desk,
+  Nor yet the dozings of the clerk are sweet
+  Compared with the repose the sofa yields."
+
+Cowper lived in the country, and wrote many poems on birds and flowers.
+In his first volume there are "The Doves," "The Raven's Nest," "The
+Lily and the Rose," "The Nightingale and the Glowworm," "The Pine-Apple
+and the Bee," "The Goldfinch starved to death in a Cage," and some
+others. They are pretty conceits, but at the present day remind us a
+little of the nursery.
+
+Goldsmith's humour deserves equal praise for affording amusement without
+animosity or indelicacy. With regard to the former, his satire is so
+general that it cannot inflict any wound; and although he may have
+slightly erred in one or two passages on the latter score, he condemns
+all such seasoning of humour, which is used, as he says, to compensate
+for want of invention. In his plays, there is much good broad-humoured
+fun without anything offensive. Simple devices such as Tony Lumpkin's
+causing a manor-house to be mistaken for an inn, produces much harmless
+amusement. It is noteworthy that the first successful work of Goldsmith
+was his "Citizen of the World." Here the correspondence of a Chinaman in
+England with one of his friends in his own country, affords great scope
+for humour, the manners and customs of each nation being regarded
+according to the views of the other. The intention is to show
+absurdities on the same plan which led afterwards to the popularity of
+"Hadji Baba in England." Sometimes the faults pointed out seem real,
+sometimes the criticism is meant to be oriental and ridiculous. Thus
+going to an English theatre he observes--
+
+     "The richest, in general, were placed in the lowest seats, and the
+     poor rose above them in degrees proportionate to their poverty. The
+     order of precedence seemed here inverted; those who were undermost
+     all the day, enjoyed a temporary eminence and became masters of the
+     ceremonies. It was they who called for the music, indulging every
+     noisy freedom, and testifying all the insolence of beggary in
+     exaltation."
+
+Real censure is intended in the following, which shows the change in
+ladies dress within the last few years--
+
+     "What chiefly distinguishes the sex at present is the train. As a
+     lady's quality or fashion was once determined here by the
+     circumference of her hoop, both are now measured by the length of
+     her tail. Women of moderate fortunes are contented with tails
+     moderately long, but ladies of tone, taste, and distinction set no
+     bounds to their ambition in this particular. I am told the Lady
+     Mayoress on days of ceremony carries one longer than a bell-wether
+     of Bantam, whose tail, you know, is trundled along in a
+     wheelbarrow."
+
+A "little beau" discoursing with the Chinaman, observes--
+
+     "I am told your Asiatic beauties are the most convenient women
+     alive, for they have no souls; positively there is nothing in
+     nature I should like so much as women without souls; soul here is
+     the utter ruin of half the sex. A girl of eighteen shall have soul
+     enough to spend a hundred pounds in the turning of a tramp. Her
+     mother shall have soul enough to ride a sweepstake snatch at a
+     horse-race; her maiden aunt shall have soul enough to purchase the
+     furniture of a whole toy-shop, and others shall have soul enough to
+     behave as if they had no souls at all."
+
+The "Citizen of the World" cannot understand why there are so many old
+maids and bachelors in England. He regards the latter as most
+contemptible, and says the mob should be permitted to halloo after them;
+boys might play tricks on them with impunity; every well-bred company
+should laugh at them, and if one of them, when turned sixty, offered to
+make love, his mistress might spit in his face, or what would be a
+greater punishment should fairly accept him. Old maids he would not
+treat with such severity, because he supposes they are not so by their
+own fault; but he hears that many have received offers, and refused
+them. Miss Squeeze, the pawnbroker's daughter, had heard so much about
+money, that she resolved never to marry a man whose fortune was not
+equal to her own, without ever considering that some abatement should be
+made as her face was pale and marked with the small-pox. Sophronia loved
+Greek, and hated men. She rejected fine gentlemen because they were not
+pedants, and pedants because they were not fine gentlemen. She found a
+fault in every lover, until the wrinkles of old age overtook her, and
+now she talks incessantly of the beauties of the mind.
+
+The character of the information contained in the daily newspapers is
+thus described--
+
+     "The universal passion for politics is gratified with daily papers,
+     as with us in China. But, as in ours, the Emperor endeavours to
+     instruct his people; in theirs the people endeavour to instruct the
+     Administration. You must not, however, imagine that they who
+     compile these papers have any actual knowledge of politics or the
+     government of a state; they only collect their materials from the
+     oracle of some coffee-house, which oracle has himself gathered them
+     the night before from a beau at a gaming-table, who has pillaged
+     his knowledge from the great man's porter, who has had his
+     information from the great man's gentleman, who has invented the
+     whole story for his own amusement the night preceding."
+
+He gives the following specimens of contradictory newspaper intelligence
+from abroad.
+
+     "_Vienna._--We have received certain advices that a party of
+     twenty-thousand Austrians, having attacked a much superior body of
+     Prussians, put them all to flight, and took the rest prisoners of
+     war.
+
+     "_Berlin._--We have received certain advices that a party of
+     twenty-thousand Prussians, having attacked a much superior body of
+     Austrians, put them to flight, and took a great number of prisoners
+     with their military chest, cannon, and baggage."
+
+The Chinaman observing the laudatory character of epitaphs, suggests a
+plan by which flattery might be indulged, without sacrificing truth. The
+device is that anciently called "contrary to expectation," but
+apparently borrowed by Goldsmith from some French poem. Here is a
+specimen.
+
+  "Ye Muses, pour the pitying tear,
+  For Pollio snatched away;
+  O, had he lived another year
+  He had not died to-day."...
+
+He gives another on Madam Blaize--
+
+  "Good people all with one accord
+  Lament for Madam Blaize,
+  Who never wanted a good word
+  From those who spoke her praise."
+
+The Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog terminates in a stroke taken from
+the old epigram of Demodocus--
+
+  "Good people all, of everysort,
+  Give ear unto my song,
+  And if you find it wondrous short,
+  It cannot hold you long.
+
+  "In Islington there was a man,
+  Of whom the world might say,
+  That still a godly race he ran,
+  Whene'er he went to pray.
+
+  "A kind and gentle heart he had,
+  To comfort friends and foes,
+  The naked every day he clad,
+  When he put on his clothes.
+
+  "And in this town a dog was found,
+  As many dogs there be,
+  Both mongrel, puppy, whelps, and hound,
+  And curs of low degree.
+
+  "This dog and man at first were friends,
+  But when a pique began,
+  The dog to gain some private ends,
+  Went mad, and bit the man.
+
+  "Around from all the neighbouring streets
+  The wondering neighbours ran,
+  And swore the dog had lost his wits,
+  To bite so good a man.
+
+  "The wound, it seemed both sore and sad
+  To every Christian eye;
+  And, while they swore the dog was mad,
+  They swore the man would die.
+
+  "But soon a wonder came to light
+  That showed the rogues they lied,
+  The man recovered of the bite,
+  The dog it was that died."
+
+The fine and elegant humour in "The Vicar of Wakefield" and "The
+Deserted Village," has greatly contributed to give those works a lasting
+place in the literature of this country. Goldsmith attacked, among other
+imposters, the quacks of his day, who promised to cure every disease.
+Reading their advertisements, he is astonished that the English patient
+should be so obstinate as to refuse health on such easy terms. We find
+from Swift that astrologers and fortune-tellers were very plentiful in
+these times. The following lament was written towards the end of the
+last century upon the death of one of them--Dr. Safford, a quack and
+fortune-teller.
+
+  "Lament, ye damsels of our London City,
+  Poor unprovided girls, though fair and witty,
+  Who masked would to his house in couples come,
+  To understand your matrimonial doom;
+  To know what kind of man you were to marry,
+  And how long time, poor things, you were to tarry;
+  Your oracle is silent; none can tell
+  On whom his astrologic mantle fell;
+  For he, when sick, refused the doctor's aid,
+  And only to his pills devotion paid,
+  Yet it was surely a most sad disaster,
+  The saucy pills at last should kill their master."
+
+The travels of Baron Muenchausen were first published in 1786, and the
+esteem in which they were held, and we may conclude their merit, was
+shown by the numbers of editions rapidly succeeding each other, and by
+the translations which were made into foreign languages. It is somewhat
+strange that there should be a doubt with regard to the authorship of
+so popular a work, but it is generally attributed to one Raspi, a German
+who fled from the officers of justice to England. As, however, there is
+little originality in the stories, we feel the less concerned at being
+unable satisfactorily to trace their authorship--they were probably a
+collection of the tales with which some old German baron was wont to
+amuse his guests. A satire was evidently intended upon the marvellous
+tales in which travellers and sportsmen indulged, and the first edition
+is humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, whose accounts of Abyssinia were then
+generally discredited. With the exception of this attack upon
+travellers' tales there is nothing severe in the work--there is no
+indelicacy or profanity--considerable falsity was, of course, necessary,
+otherwise the accounts would have been merely fanciful. We have nothing
+here to mar our amusement, except infinite extravagance. The author does
+not claim much originality, and he admits an imitation of Gulliver's
+Travels. But, no doubt, something is due to his insight in selection,
+and to his ingenuity in telling the stories well and circumstantially;
+otherwise this book would never have become historical, when so many
+similar productions have perished. The stories in the first six
+chapters, which formed the original book, are superior to those in the
+continuation; there is always something specious, some ground work for
+the gross improbabilities, which gives force to them. Thus, for
+instance, travelling in Poland over the deep snow he fastens his horse
+to something he takes to be a post, and which turns out to be the top of
+a steeple. By the morning the snow has disappeared--he sees his mistake,
+and his horse is hanging on the top of the church by its bridle. When on
+his road to St. Petersburgh, a wolf made after him and overtook him.
+Escape was impossible.
+
+     "I laid myself down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for
+     safety. The wolf did not mind me, but took a leap over me, and
+     falling on the horse began to tear and devour the hinder part of
+     the poor animal, which ran all the faster for its pain and terror.
+     I lifted up my head slily, and beheld with horror that the wolf had
+     ate his way into the horse's body. It was not long before he had
+     fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage and fell
+     upon him with the end of my whip. This unexpected attack frightened
+     him so much that he leaped forward, the horse's carcase dropped to
+     the ground, but in his place the wolf was in harness, and I on my
+     part whipping him continually, arrived in full career at St.
+     Petersburgh much to the astonishment of the spectators."
+
+Speaking of stags, he mentions St. Hubert's stag, which appeared with a
+cross between its horns. "They always have been," he observes, "and
+still are famous for plantations and antlers." This furnishes him with
+the ground-work of his story.
+
+     "Having one day spent all my shot, I found myself unexpectedly in
+     presence of a stately stag looking at me as unconcernedly as if it
+     had really known of my empty pouches. I charged immediately with
+     powder and upon it a good handful of cherry stones. Thus I let fly
+     and hit him just in the middle of the forehead between the antlers;
+     he staggered, but made off. A year or two afterwards, being with a
+     party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with a fine
+     full-grown cherry tree above ten feet high between its antlers. I
+     brought him down at one shot, and he gave me haunch and cherry
+     sauce, for the tree was covered with fruit."
+
+In his ride across to Holland from Harwich under the sea, he finds great
+mountains "and upon their sides a variety of tall noble trees loaded
+with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels,
+cockles, &c.," the periwinkle, he observes, is a kind of shrub, it grows
+at the foot of the oyster tree, and twines round it as the ivy does
+round the oak.
+
+In the following, we have a manifest imitation of Lucian--Having passed
+down Mount Etna through the earth, and come out at the other side, he
+finds himself in the Southern Seas, and soon comes to land. They sail up
+a river flowing with rich milk, and find that they are in an island
+consisting of one large cheese--
+
+     "We discovered this by one of the company fainting away as soon as
+     he landed; this man always had an aversion to cheese--when he
+     recovered he desired the cheese to be taken from under his feet.
+     Upon examination we found him to be perfectly right--the whole
+     island was nothing but a cheese of immense magnitude. Here were
+     plenty of vines with bunches of grapes, which yielded nothing but
+     milk."
+
+In all these cases he has contrived where there was an opening to
+introduce some probable details. But as he proceeds further in his work,
+his talent becoming duller--his extravagancies are worse sustained and
+scarcely ever original. Sometimes he writes mere mawkish nonsense, and
+at others he simply copies Lucian, as in the case of his making a voyage
+to the moon, and then sailing into a sea-monster's stomach.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+The Anti-Jacobin--Its Objects and Violence--"The Friends of
+  Freedom"--Imitation of Latin Lyrics--The "Knife Grinder"--The
+  "Progress of Man."
+
+
+The "Anti-Jacobin" was commenced in 1797, with a view of counteracting
+the baneful influences of those revolutionary principles which were
+already rampant in France. The periodical, supported by the combined
+talent of such men as Gifford, Ellis, Hookham Frere, Jenkinson (Lord
+Liverpool), Lord Clare, Dr. Whitaker, and Lord Mornington, would no
+doubt have had a long and successful career, had not politics led it
+into a vituperative channel, through which it came to an untimely end in
+eight months. The following address to Jacobinism will give some idea of
+its spirit:--
+
+  "Daughter of Hell, insatiate power,
+  Destroyer of the human race,
+  Whose iron scourge and maddening hour
+  Exalt the bad, the good debase:
+  Thy mystic force, despotic sway,
+  Courage and innocence dismay,
+  And patriot monarchs vainly groan
+  With pangs unfelt before, unpitied and alone."
+
+There were pictorial illustrations consisting of political caricatures
+of a very gross character, representing men grotesquely deformed, and
+sometimes intermixed with monsters, demons, frogs, toads, and other
+animals.
+
+One part of the paper was headed "Lies," and another was devoted to
+correcting less culpable mis-statements. Some prose satirical pieces
+were introduced, such as "Fox's Birthday," in which a mock description
+of a grand dinner is given, at which all the company had their pockets
+picked. After the delivery of revolutionary orations, and some attempts
+at singing "Paddy Whack," and "All the books of Moses," the festival
+terminates in a disgusting scene of uproar. Several similar reports are
+given of "The Meeting of the Friends of Freedom," upon which occasions
+absurd speeches are made, such as that by Mr. Macfurgus, who declaims in
+the following grandiloquent style:--
+
+     "Before the Temple of Freedom can be erected the surface must be
+     smoothed and levelled, it must be cleared by repeated revolutionary
+     explosions, from all the lumber and rubbish with which aristocracy
+     and fanaticism will endeavour to encumber it, and to impede the
+     progress of the holy work. The completion of the edifice will
+     indeed be the more tardy, but it will not be the less durable for
+     having been longer delayed. Cemented with the blood of tyrants and
+     the tears of the aristocracy, it will rise a monument for the
+     astonishment and veneration of future ages. The remotest posterity
+     with our children yet unborn, and the most distant portions of the
+     globe will crowd round its gates, and demand admission into its
+     sanctuary. 'The Tree of Liberty' will be planted in the midst, and
+     its branches will extend to the ends of the earth, while the
+     friends of freedom meet and fraternize and amalgamate under its
+     consolatory shade. There our infants shall be taught to lisp in
+     tender accents the revolutionary hymn, there with wreaths of
+     myrtle, and oak, and poplar, and vine, and olive and cypress, and
+     ivy, with violets and roses and daffodils and dandelions in our
+     hands, we will swear respect to childhood and manhood, and old age,
+     and virginity, and womanhood, and widowhood; but above all to the
+     Supreme Being. There we will decree and sanction the immortality of
+     the soul, there pillars and obelisks, and arches, and pyramids will
+     awaken the love of glory and of our country. There painters and
+     statuaries with their chisels and colours, and engravers with their
+     engraving tools will perpetuate the interesting features of our
+     revolutionary heroes."
+
+The next extract is called "The Army of England," written by the
+ci-devant Bishop of Autun, and represents a French invasion as
+imminent:--
+
+  "Good republicans all
+  The Directory's call
+  Invites you to visit John Bull;
+  Oppressed by the rod
+  Of a king and a God
+  The cup of his misery's full;
+
+  "Old Johnny shall see
+  What makes a man free,
+  Not parchments, or statutes, or paper;
+  And stripped of his riches,
+  Great charter and breeches,
+  Shall cut a free citizen's caper.
+
+  "Then away, let us over
+  To Deal or to Dover,
+  We laugh at his talking so big;
+  He's pampered with feeding,
+  And wants a sound bleeding,
+  _Par Dieu_! he shall bleed like a pig.
+
+  "John tied to a stake
+  A grand baiting will make
+  When worried by mastiffs of France,
+  What republican fun
+  To see his blood run
+  As at Lyons, La Vendee and Nantes.
+
+  "With grape-shot discharges,
+  And plugs in his barges,
+  With national razors good store,
+  We'll pepper and shave him
+  And in the Thames lave him--
+  How sweetly he'll bellow and roar!
+
+  "What the villain likes worse
+  We'll vomit his purse
+  And make it the guineas disgorge,
+  For your Raphaels and Rubens
+  We would not give twopence;
+  Stick, stick to the pictures of George."
+
+The following is on "The New Coalition" between Fox and Horne Tooke.
+
+  _Fox._ When erst I coalesced with North
+  And brought my Indian bantling forth
+  In place--I smiled at faction's storm,
+  Nor dreamt of radical reform.
+
+  _Tooke._ While yet no patriot project pushing
+  Content I thumped old Brentford's cushion,
+  I passed my life so free and gaily,
+  Not dreaming of that d--d Old Bailey.
+
+  _Fox._ Well, now my favourite preacher's Nickle,
+  He keeps for Pitt a rod in pickle;
+  His gestures fright the astonished gazers,
+  His sarcasms cut like Packwood's razors.
+
+  _Tooke._ Thelwall's my name for state alarm;
+  I love the rebels of Chalk Farm;
+  Rogues that no statutes can subdue,
+  Who'd bring the French, and head them too.
+
+  _Fox._ A whisper in your ear John Horne,
+  For one great end we both were born,
+  Alike we roar, and rant and bellow--
+  Give us your hand my honest fellow.
+
+  _Tooke._ Charles, for a shuffler long I've known thee,
+  But come--for once I'll not disown thee,
+  And since with patriot zeal thou burnest,
+  With thee I'll live--or hang in earnest.
+
+But the most celebrated of these poems is "The Friend of Humanity, and
+The Knife-Grinder"--
+
+  _Friend of Humanity._ Needy knife-grinder! whither are you going?
+  Rough is the road, your wheel is out of order,
+  Bleak blows the blast; your hat has got a hole in't,
+              So have your breeches!
+  Weary knife-grinder! little think the proud ones,
+  Who in their coaches roll along the turnpike-road,
+  What hard work 'tis crying all day, "knives and
+              Scissors to grind, O!"
+  Tell me, knife-grinder, how you came to grind knives?
+  Did some rich man tyranically use you?
+  Was it the squire? or parson of the parish?
+              Or the attorney?
+  Was it the squire for killing of his game? or
+  Covetous parson for his tithes distraining?
+  Or roguish lawyer, made you lose your little
+              All in a lawsuit?
+  (Have you not read the "Rights of Man" by Tom Paine?)
+  Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,
+  Ready to fall as soon as you have told your
+              Pitiful story.
+  _Knife-grinder._ Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, Sir;
+  Only last night a-drinking at the 'Chequers,'
+  This poor old hat and breeches, as you see, were
+              Torn in a scuffle.
+  Constables came up for to take me into
+  Custody; they took me before the justice,
+  Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish-
+              Stocks for a vagrant.
+  I should be glad to drink your honour's health in
+  A pot of beer, if you will give me sixpence,
+  But for my part I never love to meddle
+              With politics, Sir.
+  _Friend of Humanity._ I give thee sixpence! I will see thee d----d first!
+  Wretch! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to vengeance!
+  Sordid! unfeeling! reprobate! degraded!
+              Spiritless outcast!
+
+(_Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport
+of Republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy._)
+
+This poem, written as a parody of "The Widow" of Southey, is said to
+have annihilated English Sapphics. Various attempts were formerly made
+to adapt classic metres to English; not only Gabriel Harvey but Sir
+Philip Sydney tried to bring in hexameters. Beattie says the attempt was
+ridiculous, but since Longfellow's "Evangeline" we look upon them with
+more favour, though they are not popular. Dr. Watts wrote a Sapphic ode
+on the "Last Judgment," which notwithstanding the solemnity of the
+subject, almost provokes a smile.
+
+Frere was a man of great taste and humour. He wrote many amusing poems.
+Among his contributions, jointly with Canning and Ellis, to the
+"Anti-Jacobin," is the "Loves of the Triangles," and the scheme of a
+play called the "Double Arrangement," a satire upon the immorality of
+the German plays then in vogue. Here a gentleman living with his wife
+and another lady, Matilda, and getting tired of the latter, releases her
+early lover, Rogero, who is imprisoned in an abbey. This unfortunate
+man, who has been eleven years a captive on account of his attachment to
+Matilda, is found in a living sepulchre. The scene shows a subterranean
+vault in the Abbey of Quedlinburgh, with coffins, scutcheons, death's
+heads and cross-bones; while toads and other loathsome reptiles are seen
+traversing the obscurer parts of the stage. Rogero appears in chains,
+in a suit of rusty armour, with his beard grown, and a cap of grotesque
+form upon his head. He sings the following plaintive ditty:--
+
+  "Whene'er with haggard eyes I view
+  This dungeon that I'm rotting in,
+  I think of those companions true
+  Who studied with me at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+(_Weeps and pulls out a blue kerchief with which he wipes his eyes;
+gazing tenderly at it he proceeds:_)
+
+  "Sweet kerchief, checked with heavenly blue,
+  Which once my love sat knotting in!
+  Alas! Matilda then was true!
+  At least, I thought so at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+                     (_Clanks his chains._)
+
+  "Barbs! barbs! alas! how swift you flew,
+  Her neat post waggon trotting in,
+  Ye bore Matilda from my view;
+  Forlorn I languished in the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "This faded form! this pallid hue!
+  This blood my veins is clotting in,
+  My years are many--they were few,
+  When first I entered at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "There first for thee my passion grew,
+  Sweet! sweet Matilda Pottingen!
+  Thou wast the daughter of my tu-
+  -tor, law professor at the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen.
+
+  "Sun, moon, and thou, vain world, adieu,
+  That kings and priests are plotting in;
+  Here doomed to starve on water gru-
+  -el, never shall I see the U-
+    -niversity of Gottingen,
+    -niversity of Gottingen."
+
+The idea of making humour by the division of words may have been
+original in this case, but it was conceived and adopted by Lucilius, the
+first Roman satirist.
+
+The "Progress of Man," by Canning and Hammond, is an ironical poem,
+deducing our origin and development according to the natural, and in
+opposition to the religious system. The argument proceeds in the
+following vein:--
+
+  "Let us a plainer, steadier theme pursue,
+  Mark the grim savage scoop his light canoe,
+  Mark the fell leopard through the forest prowl,
+  Fish prey on fish, and fowl regale on fowl;
+  How Lybian tigers' chawdrons love assails,
+  And warms, midst seas of ice, the melting whales;
+  Cools the crimpt cod, fierce pangs to perch imparts,
+  Shrinks shrivelled shrimps, but opens oysters' hearts;
+  Then say, how all these things together tend
+  To one great truth, prime object, and good end?
+
+  "First--to each living thing, whate'er its kind,
+  Some lot, some part, some station is assigned
+  The feathered race with pinions skim the air;
+  Not so the mackerel, and still less the bear....
+  Ah! who has seen the mailed lobster rise,
+  Clap her broad wings, and soaring claim the skies?
+  When did the owl, descending from her bower,
+  Crop, midst the fleecy flocks the tender flower;
+  Or the young heifer plunge, with pliant limb,
+  In the salt wave, and fish-like strive to swim?
+  The same with plants--potatoes 'tatoes breed--
+  Uncostly cabbage springs from cabbage seed,
+  Lettuce from lettuce, leeks to leeks succeed,
+  Nor e'er did cooling cucumbers presume
+  To flower like myrtle, or like violets bloom;
+  Man, only--rash, refined, presumptuous man,
+  Starts from his rank, and mars Creation's plan;
+  Born the free heir of Nature's wide domain,
+  To art's strict limits bounds his narrowed reign,
+  Resigns his native rights for meaner things,
+  For faith and fetters, laws, and priests, and kings."
+
+The "Anti-Jacobin" was continued under the name of the "Anti-Jacobin
+Review," and in this modified form lasted for upwards of twenty years.
+It was mostly a journal of passing events, but there were a few attempts
+at humour in its pages.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+Wolcott--Writes against the Academicians--Tales of a Hoy--"New Old
+  Ballads"--"The Sorrows of Sunday"--Ode to a Pretty
+  Barmaid--Sheridan--Comic Situations--"The Duenna"--Wits.
+
+Wolcott, a native of Devonshire, was educated at Kingsbridge, and
+apprenticed to an apothecary. He soon discovered a genius for painting
+and poetry, and commenced to write about the middle of the last century
+as Peter Pindar. He composed many odes on a variety of humorous
+subjects, such as "The Lousiad," "Ode to Ugliness," "The Young Fly and
+the Old Spider," "Ode to a Handsome Widow," whom he apostrophises as
+"Daughter of Grief," "Solomon and the Mouse-trap," "Sir Joseph Banks and
+the Boiled Fleas," "Ode to my Ass," "To my Candle," "An Ode to Eight
+Cats kept by a Jew," whom he styles, "Singers of Israel." Lord Nelson's
+night-cap took fire as the poet was wearing it reading in bed, and he
+returned it to him with the words,
+
+  "Take your night-cap again, my good lord, I desire,
+  For I wish not to keep it a minute,
+  What belongs to a Nelson, where'er there's a fire,
+  Is sure to be instantly in it."
+
+In "Bozzi and Piozzi" the former says:--
+
+  "Did any one, that he was happy cry,
+  Johnson would tell him plumply 'twas a lie;
+  A lady told him she was really so,
+  On which he sternly answered, 'Madam, no!
+  Sickly you are, and ugly, foolish, poor,
+  And therefore can't be happy, I am sure.'"
+
+
+  UPON POPE.
+
+  "'Grant me an honest fame, or grant me none,'
+  Says Pope, (I don't know where,) a little liar,
+  Who, if he praised a man, 'twas in a tone
+  That made his praise like bunches of sweet-briar,
+  Which, while a pleasing fragrance it bestows,
+  Pops out a pretty prickle on your nose."
+
+He seems to have gained little by his early poems, many of which were
+directed against the Royal Academicians. One commences:--
+
+  "Sons of the brush, I'm here again!
+  At times a Pindar and Fontaine,
+  Casting poetic pearl (I fear) to swine!
+  For, hang me, if my last years odes
+  Paid rent for lodgings near the gods,
+  Or put one sprat into this mouth divine."
+
+Sometimes he calls the Academicians, "Sons of Canvas;" sometimes
+"Tagrags and bobtails of the sacred brush." He afterwards wrote a
+doleful elergy, "The Sorrows of Peter," and seems not to have thought
+himself sufficiently patronized, alluding to which he says--
+
+  "Much did King Charles our Butler's works admire,
+  Read them and quoted them from morn to night,
+  Yet saw the bard in penury expire,
+  Whose wit had yielded him so much delight."
+
+Wolcott was a little restricted by a due regard for religion or social
+decorum. He reminds us of Sterne, often atoning for a transgression by a
+tender and elevated sentiment. The following from the "Tales of a Hoy,"
+supposed to be told on a voyage from Margate gives a good specimen of
+his style--
+
+     _Captain Noah._ Oh, I recollect her. Poor Corinna![14] I could cry
+     for her, Mistress Bliss--a sweet creature! So kind! so lovely! and
+     so good-natured! She would not hurt a fly! Lord! Lord! tried to
+     make every body happy. Gone! Ha! Mistress Bliss, gone! poor soul.
+     Oh! she is in Heaven, depend on it--nothing can hinder it. Oh,
+     Lord, no, nothing--an angel!--an angel by this time--for it must
+     give God very little trouble to make _her_ an angel--she was so
+     charming! Such terrible figures as my Lord C. and my Lady Mary, to
+     be sure, it would take at least a month to make such ones anything
+     like angels--but poor Corinna wanted very few repairs. Perhaps the
+     sweet little soul is now seeing what is going on in our cabin--who
+     knows? Charming little Corinna! Lord! how funny it was, for all the
+     world like a rabbit or a squirrel or a kitten at play. Gone! as you
+     say, Gone! Well now for her epitaph.
+
+      CORINNA'S EPITAPH.
+
+      "Here sleeps what was innocence once, but its snows
+      Were sullied and trod with disdain;
+      Here lies what was beauty, but plucked was its rose
+      And flung like a weed to the plain.
+
+      "O pilgrim! look down on her grave with a sigh
+      Who fell the sad victim of art,
+      Even cruelty's self must bid her hard eye
+      A pearl of compassion impart.
+
+      "Ah! think not ye prudes that a sigh or a tear
+      Can offend of all nature the God!
+      Lo! Virtue already has mourned at her bier
+      And the lily will bloom on her sod."
+
+
+
+He wrote some pretty "new-old" ballads--purporting to have been written
+by Queen Elizabeth, Sir T. Wyatt, &c., on light and generally amorous
+subjects. Much of his satire was political, and necessarily fleeting.
+
+In "Orson and Ellen" he gives a good description of the landlord of a
+village inn and his daughter,
+
+  "The landlord had a red round face
+  Which some folks said in fun
+  Resembled the Red Lion's phiz,
+  And some, the rising Sun.
+
+  "Large slices from his cheeks and chin
+  Like beef-steaks one might cut;
+  And then his paunch, for goodly size
+  Beat any brewer's butt.
+
+  "The landlord was a boozer stout
+  A snufftaker and smoker;
+  And 'twixt his eyes a nose did shine
+  Bright as a red-hot poker.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Sweet Ellen gave the pot with hands
+  That might with thousands vie:
+  Her face like veal, was white and red
+  And sparkling was her eye.
+
+  "Her shape, the poplar's easy form
+  Her neck the lily's white
+  Soft heaving, like the summer wave
+  And lifting rich delight.
+
+  "And o'er this neck of globe-like mould
+  In ringlets waved her hair;
+  Ah, what sweet contrast for the eye
+  The jetty and the fair.
+
+  "Her lips, like cherries moist with dew
+  So pretty, plump, and pleasing,
+  And like the juicy cherry too
+  Did seem to ask for squeezing.
+
+  "Yet what is beauty's use alack!
+  To market can it go?
+  Say--will it buy a loin of veal,
+  Or round of beef? No--no.
+
+  "Will butchers say 'Choose what you please
+  Miss Nancy or Miss Betty?'
+  Or gardeners, 'Take my beans and peas
+  Because you are so pretty?'"
+
+He wrote a pleasant satire on the tax upon hair-powder introduced by
+Pitt, and the shifts to which poor people would be put to hide their
+hair. He seems to have been as inimical as most people to taxation. He
+parodies Dryden's "Alexander's Feast:"
+
+  "Of taxes now the sweet musician sung
+  The court and chorus joined
+  And filled the wondering wind,
+  And taxes, taxes, through the garden rung.
+
+  "Monarch's first of taxes think
+  Taxes are a monarch's treasure
+      Sweet the pleasure
+      Rich the treasure
+  Monarchs love a guinea clink...."
+
+He was, as we may suppose, averse to making Sunday a severe day. He
+wrote a poem against those who wished to introduce a more strict
+observance of Sunday, and called it, "The Sorrows of Sunday." He says:
+
+  "Heaven glorieth not in phizzes of dismay
+  Heaven takes no pleasure in perpetual sobbing,
+  Consenting freely that my favourite day,
+  May have her tea and rolls, and hob-and-nobbing;
+  Life with the down of cygnets may be clad
+  Ah! why not make her path a pleasant track--
+  No! cries the pulpit Terrorist (how mad)
+  No! let the world be one huge hedge-hog's back."
+
+He wrote a great variety of gay little sonnets, such as "The Ode to a
+Pretty Barmaid:"
+
+  "Sweet nymph with teeth of pearl and dimpled chin,
+  And roses, that would tempt a saint to sin,
+  Daily to thee so constant I return,
+  Whose smile improves the coffee's every drop
+  Gives tenderness to every steak and chop
+  And bids our pockets at expenses spurn.
+
+  "What youth well-powdered, of pomatum smelling
+  Shall on that lovely bosom fix his dwelling?
+  Perhaps the waiter, of himself so full!
+  With thee he means the coffee-house to quit
+  Open a tavern and become a wit
+  And proudly keep the head of the Black Bull.
+
+  "'Twas here the wits of Anna's Attic age
+  Together mingled their poetic rage,
+  Here Prior, Pope, and Addison and Steele,
+  Here Parnel, Swift, and Bolingbroke and Gay
+  Poured their keen prose, and turned the merry lay
+  Gave the fair toast, and made a hearty meal.
+
+  "Nymph of the roguish smile, which thousands seek
+  Give me another, and another steak,
+  A kingdom for another steak, but given
+  By thy fair hands, that shame the snow of heaven...."
+
+He seems to have some misgivings about conjugal felicity:--
+
+  "An owl fell desperately in love, poor soul,
+  Sighing and hooting in his lonely hole--
+  A parrot, the dear object of his wishes
+  Who in her cage enjoyed the loaves and fishes
+  In short had all she wanted, meat and drink
+  Washing and lodging full enough I think."
+
+Poll takes compassion on him and they are duly married--
+
+  "A day or two passed amorously sweet
+  Love, kissing, cooing, billing, all their meat,
+  At length they both felt hungry--'What's for dinner?
+  Pray, what have we to eat my dear,' quoth Poll.
+  'Nothing,' by all my wisdom, answered Owl.
+  'I never thought of that, as I'm a sinner
+  But Poll on something I shall put my pats
+  What sayst thou, deary, to a dish of rats?'
+  '_Rats_--Mister Owl, d'ye think that I'll eat rats,
+  Eat them yourself or give them to the cats,'
+  Whines the poor bride, now bursting into tears:
+  'Well, Polly, would you rather dine on mouse
+  I'll catch a few if any in the house;'
+  'I won't eat rats, I won't eat mice--I won't
+  Don't tell me of such dirty vermin--don't
+  O, that within my cage I had but tarried.'
+  'Polly,' quoth owl, 'I'm sorry I declare
+  So delicate you relish not our fare
+  You should have thought of that before you married.'"
+
+"The Ode to the Devil," is in reality a severe satire upon human nature
+under an unpleasant form. He says that men accuse the devil of being the
+cause of all the misdoings with which they are themselves solely
+chargeable, moreover that in truth they are very fond of him, and guilty
+of gross ingratitude in calling him bad names:--
+
+  "O Satan! whatsoever gear
+  Thy Proteus form shall choose to wear
+    Black, red, or blue, or yellow
+  Whatever hypocrites may say
+  They think thee (trust my honest lay)
+    A most bewitching fellow.
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "'Tis now full time my ode should end
+  And now I tell thee like a friend,
+    Howe'er the world may scout thee
+  Thy ways are all so wondrous winning
+  And folks so very fond of sinning
+    They cannot do without thee."
+
+Sheridan was one of those writers to whose pecuniary distresses we owe
+the rich treasure he has bequeathed. His brother and his best friend
+confided to him that they were both in love with Miss Linley, a public
+singer, and his romantic or comic nature suggested to him that while
+they were competing for the prize, he might clandestinely carry it off.
+Succeeding in his attempt, he withdrew his wife from her profession, and
+was ever afterwards in difficulties. He seems in his comedies to have a
+love of sudden strokes and surprises, approaching almost to practical
+jokes, and very successful when upon the stage. A screen is thrown down
+and Lady Teazle discovered behind it--a sword instead of a trinket drops
+out of Captain Absolute's coat--the old duenna puts on her mistress'
+dress--all these produce an excellent effect without showing any very
+great power of humour. But he was celebrated as a wit in society--was
+full of repartee and pleasantry, and we are surprised to find that his
+plays only contain a few brilliant passages, and that their tissue is
+not more generally shot through with threads of gold.
+
+In comparison with the other dramatists of whom we have spoken, we
+observe in Sheridan the work of a more modern age. We have here no
+indelicacy or profanity, excepting the occasional oath, then
+fashionable; but we meet that satirical play on the manners and
+sentiments of men, which distinguishes later humour. In Mrs. Malaprop,
+we have some of that confusion of words, which seems to have been
+traditional upon the stage. Thus, she says that Captain Absolute is the
+very "pine-apple of perfection," and that to think of her daughter's
+marrying a penniless man, gives her the "hydrostatics." She does not
+wish her to be a "progeny of learning," but she should have a
+"supercilious knowledge" of accounts, and be acquainted with the
+"contagious countries." There is a satire, which will come home to most
+of us in Malaprop, notwithstanding her ignorance and stupidity, giving
+her opinion authoritatively on education. She says that Lydia Languish
+has been spoiled by reading novels, in which Sir Anthony agrees. "Madam,
+a circulating library in a town is an evergreen tree of diabolical
+knowledge! It blossoms through the year, and depend on it, Mrs.
+Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long
+for the fruit at last." Not only Mrs. Malaprop, but also Sir Anthony,
+form an entirely wrong estimate of themselves. The latter tells his son
+that he must marry the woman he selects for him, although she have the
+"skin of a mummy, and beard of a Jew." On his son objecting, he tells
+him not to be angry. "So you will fly out! Can't you be cool like me?
+What the devil good can a passion do? Passion is of no service, you
+impudent, violent, over-bearing reprobate. There, you sneer again! don't
+provoke me!--but you rely on the mildness of my temper, you do, you
+dog!"
+
+Sheridan's humour is generally of this strong kind--very suitable for
+stage effect, but not exquisite as wit. Hazlitt admits this in very
+complimentary terms:--
+
+     "His comic muse does not go about prying into obscure corners, or
+     collecting idle curiosities, but shows her laughing face, and
+     points to her rich treasure--the follies of mankind. She is
+     garlanded and crowned with roses and vine leaves. Her eyes sparkle
+     with delight, and her heart runs over with good-natured malice."
+
+Sheridan often aims at painting his scenes so as to be in antithesis to
+ordinary life. In Faulkland we have a lover so morbidly sensitive, that
+even every kindness his mistress shows him, gives him the most exquisite
+pain. Don Ferdinand is much in the same state. Lydia Languish is so
+romantic, that she is about to discard her lover--with whom she intended
+to elope--as soon as she hears he is a man of fortune. In Isaac the Jew,
+we have a man who thinks he is cheating others, while he is really being
+cheated. Sir Peter Teazle's bickering with his wife is well known and
+appreciated. The subject is the oldest which has tempted the comic muse,
+and still is, unhappily, always fresh. The following extracts are from
+"The Duenna"--
+
+Isaac says to Father Paul that "he looks the very priest of Hymen!"
+
+     _Paul._ In short I may be called so, for I deal in repentance and
+     mortification.
+
+     _Don Antonio._ But thou hast a good fresh colour in thy face,
+     father, i' faith!
+
+     _Paul._ Yes. I have blushed for mankind till the hue of my shame is
+     as fixed as their vices.
+
+     _Isaac._ Good man!
+
+     _Paul._ And I have laboured too, but to what purpose? they continue
+     to sin under my very nose.
+
+     _Isaac._ Efecks, fasher, I should have guessed as much for your
+     nose seems to be put to the blush more than any other part of your
+     face.
+
+Don Jerome's song is worthy of Gay:--
+
+  "If a daughter you have she's the plague of your life
+  No peace shall you know though you've buried your wife,
+  At twenty she mocks at the duty you taught her,
+  Oh! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+              Sighing and whining,
+              Dying and pining,
+  Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+
+  "When scarce in their teens they have wit to perplex us,
+  With letters and lovers for ever they vex us:
+  While each still rejects the fair suitor you've brought her;
+  O! what a plague is an obstinate daughter!
+              Wrangling and jangling,
+              Flouting and pouting,
+  Oh, what a plague is an obstinate daughter."
+
+One of Sheridan's strong situations is produced in this play. Don Jerome
+gives Isaac a glowing description of his daughter's charms; but when the
+latter goes to see her, the Duenna personates her.
+
+     _Isaac._ Madam, the greatness of your goodness overpowers me, that
+     a lady so lovely should deign to turn her beauteous eyes on me, so.
+     (_He turns and sees her._)
+
+     _Duenna._ You seem surprised at my condescension.
+
+     _Isaac._ Why yes, madam, I am a little surprised at it. (_Aside_)
+     This can never be Louisa--She's as old as my mother!...
+
+     _Duenna._ Signor, won't you sit?
+
+     _Isaac._ Pardon me, Madam, I have scarcely recovered my
+     astonishment at--your condescension, Madam. (_Aside_) She has the
+     devil's own dimples to be sure.
+
+     _Duenna._ I do not wonder, Sir, that you are surprised at my
+     affability. I own, Signor, that I was vastly prepossessed against
+     you, and being teazed by my father, did give some encouragement to
+     Antonio; but then, Sir, you were described to me as a quite
+     different person.
+
+     _Isaac._ Ay, and so you were to me upon my soul, Madam.
+
+     _Duenna._ But when I saw you, I was never more struck in my life.
+
+     _Isaac._ That was just my case too, Madam; I was struck all in a
+     heap for my part.
+
+     _Duenna._ Well, Sir, I see our misapprehension has been mutual--you
+     have expected to find me haughty and averse, and I was taught to
+     believe you a little black, snub-nosed fellow, without person,
+     manner, or address.
+
+     _Isaac._ Egad, I wish she had answered her picture as well.
+
+After this interview, Don Jerome asks him what he thinks of his
+daughter.
+
+     _Don Jerome._ Well, my good friend, have you softened her?
+
+     _Isaac._ Oh, yes, I have softened her.
+
+     _Don J._ Well, and you were astonished at her beauty, hey?
+
+     _Isaac._ I was astonished, indeed. Pray how old is Miss?
+
+     _Don J._ How old? let me see--twenty.
+
+     _Isaac._ Then upon my soul she is the oldest looking girl of her
+     age in Christendom.
+
+     _Don J._ Do you think so? but I believe you will not see a prettier
+     girl.
+
+     _Isaac._ Here and there one.
+
+     _Don J._ Louisa has the family face.
+
+     _Isaac._ Yes, egad, I should have taken it for a family face, and
+     one that has been in the family some time too.
+
+     _Don J._ She has her father's eyes.
+
+     _Isaac._ Truly I should have guessed them to be so. If she had her
+     mother's spectacles I believe she would not see the worse.
+
+     _Don J._ Her aunt Ursula's nose, and her grandmother's forehead to
+     a hair.
+
+     _Isaac._ Ay, faith, and her grandmother's chin to a hair.
+
+Sheridan, as we have observed, was not more remarkable as a dramatist
+than as a man of society, and passed for what was called a "wit." The
+name had been applied two centuries before to men of talent generally,
+especially to writers, but now it referred exclusively to such as were
+humorous in conversation. These men, though to a certain extent the
+successors of the parasites of Greece, and the fools of the middle ages,
+were men of education and independence, if not of good family, and
+rather sought popularity than any mercenary remuneration. The majority
+of them, however, were gainers by their pleasantry, they rose into a
+higher grade of society, were welcome at the tables of the great, and
+derived many advantages, not unacceptable to men generally poor and
+improvident. As Swift well observed, though not unequal to business,
+they were above it. Moreover, the age was one in which society was less
+varied than it is now in its elements and interests; when men of talent
+were more prominent, and it was easier to command an audience. It was
+known to all that Mr. ---- was coming, and guests repaired to the feast,
+not to talk, but to listen, as we should now to a public reading. The
+greatest joke and treat was to get two of such men, and set them against
+each other, when they had to bring out their best steel; although it
+sometimes happened, that both refused to fight. We need scarcely say
+that the humour which was produced in such quantities to supply
+immediate demand was not of the best kind, and that a large part of it
+would not have been relished by the fastidious critics of our own day.
+But some of these "wits" were highly gifted, they were generally
+literary men, and many of their good sayings have survived. The two who
+obtained the greatest celebrity in this field, seem to have been
+Theodore Hook and Sydney Smith. Selwyn, a precursor of these men, was
+so full of banter and impudence that George II. called him "that
+rascal George." "What does that mean," said the wit one day,
+musingly--"'rascal'? Oh, I forgot, it was an hereditary title of all the
+Georges." Perhaps Selwyn might have been called a "wag"--a name given to
+men who were more enterprising than successful in their humour, and
+which referred originally to mere ludicrous motion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+Southey--Drolls of Bartholomew Fair--The "Doves"--Typographical
+  Devices--Puns--Poems of Abel Shufflebottom.
+
+
+We have already mentioned the name of Southey. By far the greater part
+of his works are poetical and sentimental, and hence some doubt has been
+thrown upon the authorship of his work called "The Doctor." But in his
+minor poems we find him verging into humour, as where he pleads the
+cause of the pig and dancing bear, and even of the maggot. The last
+named is under the head of "The Filbert," and commences--
+
+  "Nay gather not that filbert, Nicholas,
+  There is a maggot there; it is his house--
+  His castle--oh! commit not burglary!
+  Strip him not naked; 'tis his clothes, his shell;
+  His bones, the case and armour of his life,
+  And thou shalt do no murder, Nicholas.
+  It were an easy thing to crack that nut,
+  Or with thy crackers or thy double teeth;
+  So easily may all things be destroyed!
+  But 'tis not in the power of mortal man
+  To mend the fracture of a filbert shell.
+  There were two great men once amused themselves
+  Watching two maggots run their wriggling race,
+  And wagering on their speed; but, Nick, to us
+  It were no sport to see the pampered worm
+  Roll out and then draw in his folds of fat
+  Like to some barber's leathern powder bag
+  Wherewith he feathers, frosts or cauliflowers,
+  Spruce beau, or lady fair, or doctor grave."
+
+Also his Commonplace Book proves that, like many other hardworking men,
+he amused his leisure hours with what was light and fantastic. Moreover,
+he speaks in some places of the advantage of intermingling amusement and
+instruction--
+
+     "Even in literature a leafy style, if there be any fruit under the
+     foliage, is preferable to a knotty one however fine the grain.
+     Whipt cream is a good thing, and better still when it covers and
+     adorns that amiable compound of sweetmeats and ratafia cakes soaked
+     in wine, to which Cowper likened his delightful poem, when he thus
+     described 'The Task'--
+
+     "'It is a medley of many things, some that may be useful, and some
+     that, for aught I know, may be very diverting. I am merry that I
+     may decoy people into my company, and grave that they may be the
+     better for it. Now and then I put on the garb of a philosopher, and
+     take the opportunity that disguise procures me to drop a word in
+     favour of religion. In short there is some froth, and here and
+     there some sweetmeat which seems to entitle it justly to the name
+     of a certain dish the ladies call a 'trifle.' But in 'task' or
+     'trifle' unless the ingredients were good the whole were nought.
+     They who should present to their deceived guests whipt white of egg
+     would deserve to be whipt themselves."
+
+But Southey by no means follows the profitable rule he here lays down.
+On the contrary, he sometimes betrays such a love of the marvellous as
+would seem unaccountable, had we not read bygone literature, and
+observed how strong the feeling was even as late as the days of the
+"Wonderful Magazine." Among his strange fancies we find in the "Chapter
+on Kings:"
+
+     "There are other monarchies in the inferior world beside that of
+     the bees, though they have not been registered by naturalists nor
+     studied by them. For example, the king of the fleas keeps his court
+     at Tiberias, as Dr. Clark discovered to his cost, and as Mr. Cripps
+     will testify for him."
+
+He proceeds to give humorous descriptions of the king of monkeys, bears,
+codfish, oysters, &c.
+
+Again--
+
+     "Would not John Dory's name have died with him, and so been long
+     ago dead as a door-nail, if a grotesque likeness for him had not
+     been found in the fish, which being called after him, has
+     immortalized him and his ugliness? But if John Dory could have
+     anticipated this sort of immortality when he saw his own face in
+     the glass, he might very well have 'blushed to find it fame.'"
+
+He is fond of introducing quaint old legends--
+
+     "There are certain Rabbis who affirm that Eve was not taken out of
+     Adam's side, but that Adam had originally been created with a tail,
+     and that among the various experiments and improvements which were
+     made in form and organization before he was finished, the tail was
+     removed as an inconvenient appendage, and of the excrescence or
+     superfluous part, which was then lopped off, the woman was formed."
+
+While on this subject he says that Lady Jekyll once asked William Wiston
+"Why woman was formed out of man's rib rather than out of any other part
+of his body?" Wiston scratched his head and replied, "Indeed, Madam, I
+do not know, unless it be that the rib is the most crooked part of the
+body."
+
+Southey gives a playbill of the Drolls of Bartholomew Fair in the time
+of Queen Anne--
+
+     "At Crawley's booth over against the Crown Tavern in Smithfield,
+     during the time of the Bartholomew Fair, will be presented a little
+     opera, called the 'Old Creation of the World,' yet newly revived,
+     with the addition of 'Noah's Flood.' Also several fountains playing
+     water during the time of the play. The last scene does represent
+     Noah and his family coming out of the Ark, with all the beasts two
+     and two, and all the fowls of the air seen in a prospect sitting
+     upon trees. Likewise over the Ark is seen the sun rising in a most
+     glorious manner. Moreover, a multitude of angels will be seen in a
+     double rank, which represents a double prospect, one for the sun,
+     the other for a palace, where will be seen six angels ringing of
+     bells. Likewise machines descend from above, double and treble,
+     with Dives rising out of Hell, and Lazarus seen in Abraham's bosom;
+     besides several figures, dancing jigs, sarabands, and country
+     dances to the admiration of the spectators, with the merry conceits
+     of Squire Punch and Sir John Spendall."
+
+     "So recently as the year 1816 the sacrifice of Isaac was
+     represented on the stage at Paris. Samson was the subject of the
+     ballet; the unshorn son of Manoah delighted the spectators by
+     dancing a solo with the gates of Gaza on his back; Delilah clipt
+     him during the intervals of a jig, and the Philistines surrounded
+     and captured him in a country-dance."
+
+Sometimes Southey indulges his fancy on very trifling subjects as,
+
+     "The Doves, father as well as son, were blest with a hearty
+     intellectual appetite, and a strong digestion, but the son had the
+     more Catholic taste. He would have relished caviare, would have
+     ventured on laver, undeterred by its appearance, and would have
+     liked it. He would have eaten sausages for breakfast at Norwich,
+     sally-luns at Bath, sweet butter in Cumberland, orange marmalade at
+     Edinburgh, Findon haddocks at Aberdeen, and drunk punch with
+     beef-steaks to oblige the French, if they insisted upon obliging
+     him with a _dejeuner a l'Anglaise_."
+
+  'A good digestion turneth all to health.'
+
+     "He would have eaten squab pie in Devonshire, and the pie which is
+     squabber than squab in Cornwall; sheep's-head with the hair on in
+     Scotland, and potatoes roasted on the hearth in Ireland, frogs with
+     the French, pickled-herrings with the Dutch, sour-krout with the
+     Germans, maccaroni with the Italians, aniseed with the Spaniards,
+     garlic with anybody, horse-flesh with the Tartars, ass-flesh with
+     the Persians, dogs with the North-Western American Indians, curry
+     with the Asiatic East Indians, bird's-nests with the Chinese,
+     mutton roasted with honey with the Turks, pismire cakes on the
+     Orinoco, and turtle and venison with the Lord Mayor, and the turtle
+     and venison he would have preferred to all the other dishes,
+     because his taste, though Catholic, was not undiscriminating." ...
+
+     "At the time of which I am now speaking, Miss Trewbody was a maiden
+     lady of forty-seven in the highest state of preservation. The whole
+     business of her life had been to take care of a fine person, and in
+     this she had succeeded admirably. Her library consisted of two
+     books; 'Nelson's Festivals and Fasts' was one, the other was the
+     'Queen's Cabinet Unlocked;' and there was not a cosmetic in the
+     latter which she had not faithfully prepared. Thus by means, as she
+     believed, of distilled waters of various kinds, maydew and
+     buttermilk, her skin retained its beautiful texture still and much
+     of its smoothness, and she knew at times how to give it the
+     appearance of that brilliancy which it had lost. But that was a
+     profound secret. Miss Trewbody, remembering the example of Jezebel,
+     always felt conscious that she had committed a sin when she took
+     the rouge-box in her hand, and generally ejaculated in a low voice
+     'The Lord forgive me!' when she laid it down; but looking in the
+     glass at the same time she indulged a hope that the nature of the
+     temptation might be considered an excuse for the transgression. Her
+     other great business was to observe with the utmost precision all
+     the punctilios of her situation in life, and the time which was not
+     devoted to one or other of these worthy occupations was employed in
+     scolding her servants and tormenting her niece. This kept the lungs
+     in vigorous health; nay it even seemed to supply the place of
+     wholesome exercise, and to stimulate the system like a perpetual
+     blister, with this peculiar advantage, that instead of an
+     inconvenience it was a pleasure to herself, and all the annoyance
+     was to her dependents.
+
+     "Miss Trewbody lies buried in the Cathedral at Salisbury, where a
+     monument was erected to her memory, worthy of remembrance itself
+     for its appropriate inscription and accompaniments. The epitaph
+     recorded her as a woman eminently pious, virtuous and charitable,
+     who lived universally respected, and died sincerely lamented by all
+     who had the happiness of knowing her. This inscription was upon a
+     marble shield supported by two Cupids, who bent their heads over
+     the edge with marble tears larger than gray peas, and something of
+     the same colour, upon their cheeks. These were the only tears that
+     her death occasioned, and the only Cupids with whom she had ever
+     any concern."
+
+Southey introduces into this work a variety of extracts from rare and
+curious books--stories about Job beating his wife, about surgical
+experiments tried upon criminals, about women with horns, and a man who
+swallowed a poker, and "looked melancholy afterwards." Well might he
+suppose that people would think this farrago a composite production of
+many authors, and he says that if it were so he might have given it
+instead of the "Doctor" a name to correspond with its heterogeneous
+origin, such as--Isdis Roso Heta Harco Samro Grobe Thebo Heneco Thojamma
+&c., the words continuing gradually to increase in length till we come
+to
+
+Salacoharcojotacoherecosaheco.
+
+After reading such flights as the above, we are surprised to find him
+despising the jester's bauble--
+
+     "Now then to the gentle reader. The reason why I do not wear cap
+     and bells is this.
+
+     "There are male caps of five kinds, which are worn at present in
+     this kingdom, to wit, the military cap, the collegiate cap, and the
+     night-cap. Observe, reader, I said _kinds_, that is to say in
+     scientific language _genera_--for the _species_ and varieties are
+     numerous, especially in the former genus.
+
+     "I am not a soldier, and having long been weaned from Alma Mater,
+     of course have left off my college cap. The gentlemen of the hunt
+     would object to my going out with bells on; it would be likely to
+     frighten their horses; and were I to attempt it, it might involve
+     me in unpleasant disputes. To my travelling cap the bells would be
+     an inconvenient appendage; nor would they be a whit more
+     comfortable upon my night cap. Besides, my wife might object to
+     them. It follows that if I would wear a cap and bells, I must have
+     a cap made on purpose. But this would be rendering myself singular;
+     and of all things, a wise man will avoid ostentatious appearance of
+     singularity. Now I am certainly not singular in playing the fool
+     without one."
+
+There is much in the style of the "Doctor," which reminds us of Sterne.
+He was evidently a favourite author with Southey, who speaking of his
+Sermons says, "You often see him tottering on the verge of laughter, and
+ready to throw his periwig in the face of the audience." Perhaps from
+him he acquired his love for tricks of form and typographical surprises.
+He introduces what he calls interchapters. "Leap chapters they cannot
+properly be called, and if we were to call them 'Ha-has' as being
+chapters, which the reader may skip if he likes, the name would appear
+rather strange than significant."
+
+He sometimes introduces a chapter without any heading in the following
+way--
+
+     "Sir," says the Compositor to the Corrector of the Press "there is
+     no heading for the copy for this chapter. What must I do?"
+
+     "Leave a space for it," the Corrector replies. "It is a strange
+     sort of book, but I dare say the author has a reason for everything
+     he says or does, and most likely you will find out his meaning as
+     you set up."
+
+Chapter lxxxviii begins--"While I was writing that last chapter a flea
+appeared upon the page before me, as there once did to St. Dominic." He
+proceeds to say that his flea was a flea of flea-flesh, but that St.
+Dominic's was the devil.
+
+Southey was particularly fond of acoustic humour. He represents
+Wilberforce as saying of the unknown author of the Doctor--Pooo-oo-oo-oo-r
+cr[=e][=e][=e]a-ture. Perhaps his familiarity with the works of Nash,
+Decker, and Rabelais suggested his word coming.
+
+One of the interchapters begins with the word _Aballiboozobanganorribo_.
+
+He questions in the "Poultry Yard" the assertion of Aristotle that it is
+an advantage for animals to be domesticated. The statement is regarded
+unsatisfactory by the fowl--replies to it being made by Chick-pick,
+Hen-pen, Cock-lock, Duck-luck, Turkey-lurkey, and Goosey-loosey.
+
+He occasionally coins words such as Potamology for the study of rivers,
+and Chapter cxxxiv is headed--
+
+"A transition, an anecdote, an apostrophe, and a pun, punnet, or
+pundigrion."
+
+He proposes in another chapter to make a distinction between masculine
+and feminine in several words.
+
+     "The troublesome affection of the diaphragm which every person has
+     experienced is to be called according to the sex of the
+     patient--He-cups or She-cups--which upon the principle of making
+     our language truly British is better than the more classical form
+     of Hiccup and Hoeccups. In the Objective use, the word becomes
+     Hiscups or Hercups and in like manner Histerrics should be altered
+     into Herterics--the complaint never being masculine."
+
+The Doctor is rich in variety of verbal humour--
+
+     "When a girl is called a lass, who does not perceive how that
+     common word must have arisen? who does not see that it may be
+     directly traced to a mournful interjection _Alas!_ breathed
+     sorrowfully forth at the thought that the girl, the lovely innocent
+     creature upon whom the beholder has fixed his meditative eye, would
+     in time become a woman--a woe to man."
+
+Our Doctor flourished in an age when the pages of Magazines, were filled
+with voluntary contributions from men who had never aimed at dazzling
+the public, but came each with his scrap of information, or his humble
+question, or his hard problem, or his attempt in verse--
+
+     "A was an antiquary, and wrote articles upon Altars and Abbeys and
+     Architecture. B made a blunder which C corrected. D demonstrated
+     that E was in error, and that F was wrong in Philology, and neither
+     Philosopher nor Physician though he affected to be both. G was a
+     Genealogist. H was a Herald who helped him. I was an inquisitive
+     inquirer, who found reason for suspecting J to be a Jesuit. M was a
+     Mathematician. N noted the weather. O observed the stars. P was a
+     poet, who produced pastorals, and prayed Mr. Urban to print them. Q
+     came in the corner of the page with a query. R arrogated to himself
+     the right of reprehending every one, who differed from him. S
+     sighed and sued in song. T told an old tale, and when he was wrong
+     U used to set him right; V was a virtuoso. W warred against
+     Warburton. X excelled in Algebra. Y yearned for immortality in
+     rhyme, and Z in his zeal was always in a puzzle."
+
+We have already observed that the pictorial representations of demons,
+which were originally intended to terrify, gradually came to be
+regarded as ludicrous. There was something decidedly grotesque in the
+stories about witches and imps, and Southey, deep in early lore, was
+remarkable for developing a branch of humour out of them. In one place
+he had a catalogue of devils, whose extraordinary names he wisely
+recommends his readers not to attempt to pronounce, "lest they should
+loosen their teeth or fracture them in the operation." Comic demonology
+may be said to have been out of date soon after time.
+
+Southey is not generally amatory in his humour, and therefore we
+appreciate the more the following effusions, which he facetiously
+attributes to Abel Shufflebottom. The gentleman obtained Delia's
+pocket-handkerchief, and celebrates the acquisition in the following
+strain--
+
+  "'Tis mine! what accents can my joy declare?
+  Blest be the pressure of the thronging rout,
+  Blest be the hand, so hasty, of my fair,
+  And left the tempting corner hanging out!
+
+  "I envy not the joy the pilgrim feels,
+  After long travel to some distant shrine,
+  When at the relic of his saint he kneels,
+  For Delia's pocket-handkerchief is mine.
+
+  "When first with filching fingers I drew near,
+  Keen hope shot tremulous through every vein,
+  And when the finished deed removed my fear,
+  Scarce could my bounding heart its joy contain.
+
+  "What though the eighth commandment rose to mind,
+  It only served a moment's qualm to move;
+  For thefts like this it could not be designed,
+  The eighth commandment was not made for love.
+
+  "Here when she took the macaroons from me,
+  She wiped her mouth to clear the crumbs so sweet,
+  Dear napkin! Yes! she wiped her lips in thee,
+  Lips sweeter than the macaroons she eat.
+
+  "And when she took that pinch of Mocabau,
+  That made my love so delicately sneeze,
+  Thee to her Roman nose applied I saw,
+  And thou art doubly dear for things like these.
+
+  "No washerwoman's filthy hand shall e'er,
+  Sweet pocket-handkerchef, thy worth profane,
+  For thou hast touched the rubies of my fair,
+  And I will kiss thee o'er and o'er again."
+
+In another Elegy he expatiates on the beauty of Delia's locks;--
+
+  "Happy the _friseur_ who in Delia's hair,
+  With licensed fingers uncontrolled may rove;
+  And happy in his death the dancing bear,
+  Who died to make pomatum for my love.
+
+  "Fine are my Delia's tresses as the threads
+  That from the silk-worm, self-interred, proceed,
+  Fine as the gleamy gossamer that spreads
+  Its filmy web-work over the tangled mead.
+
+  "Yet with these tresses Cupid's power elate
+  My captive heart hath handcuffed in a chain,
+  Strong as the cables of some huge first-rate,
+  That bears Britannia's thunders o'er the main.
+
+  "The Sylphs that round her radiant locks repair,
+  In flowing lustre bathe their brightened wings,
+  And elfin minstrels with assiduous care,
+  The ringlets rob for fairy fiddlestrings."
+
+Of course Shufflebottom is tempted to another theft--a rape of the
+lock--for which he incurs the fair Delia's condign displeasure--
+
+  "She heard the scissors that fair lock divide,
+  And while my heart with transport panted big,
+  She cast a fiery frown on me, and cried,
+  'You stupid puppy--you have spoilt my wig.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+Lamb--His Farewell to Tobacco--Pink Hose--On the Melancholy of
+  Tailors--Roast Pig.
+
+
+No one ever so finely commingled poetry and humour as Charles Lamb. In
+his transparent crystal you are always seeing one colour through
+another, and he was conscious of the charm of such combinations, for he
+commends Andrew Marvell for such refinement. His early poems printed
+with those of Coleridge, his schoolfellow at Christ's Hospital, abounded
+with pure and tender sentiment, but never arrested the attention of the
+public. We can find in them no promise of the brilliancy for which he
+was afterwards so distinguished, except perhaps in his "Farewell to
+Tobacco," where for a moment he allowed his Pegasus to take a more
+fantastic flight.
+
+  "Scent, to match thy rich perfume,
+  Chemic art did ne'er presume,
+  Through her quaint alembic strain,
+  None so sovereign to the brain;
+  Nature that did in thee excel,
+  Framed again no second smell,
+  Roses, violets, but toys
+  For the smaller sort of boys,
+  Or for greener damsels meant,
+  Thou art the only manly scent."
+
+But although forbidden to smoke, he still hopes he may be allowed to
+enjoy a little of the delicious fragrance at a respectful distance--
+
+  "And a seat too 'mongst the joys
+  Of the blest Tobacco Boys;
+  Where though I, by sour physician,
+  Am debarred the full fruition
+  Of thy favours, I may catch
+  Some collateral sweets, and snatch
+  Sidelong odours that give life-
+  Like glances from a neighbour's wife,
+  And still live in thee by places
+  And the suburbs of thy graces;
+  And in thy borders take delight,
+  An unconquered Canaanite."
+
+His early years brought forth another kind of humour which led to his
+being appointed jester to the "Morning Post." He was paid at the rate of
+sixpence a joke, furnished six a day, and depended upon this
+remuneration for his supplementary livelihood--everything beyond mere
+bread and cheese. As humour, like wisdom, is found of those who seek her
+not, we may suppose the quality of these productions was not very good.
+He thus bemoans his irksome task, which he performed generally before
+breakfast--
+
+     "No Egyptian task-master ever devised a slavery like to that, our
+     slavery. No fractious operants ever turned out for half the
+     tyranny, which this necessity exercised upon us. Half-a-dozen jests
+     in a day, (bating Sundays too,) why, it seems nothing! We make
+     twice the number every day in our lives as a matter of course, and
+     claim no Sabbatical exemptions. But then they come into our head.
+     But when the head has to go out to them--when the mountain must go
+     to Mahomet. Readers, try it for once, only for some short
+     twelvemonth."
+
+Lamb, however, only obtained this undesirable appointment by a
+coincidence he thus relates,--
+
+     "A fashion of flesh--or rather pink-coloured hose for the ladies
+     luckily coming up when we were on our probation for the place of
+     Chief Jester to Stuart's Paper, established our reputation. We were
+     pronounced a 'capital hand.' O! the conceits that we varied upon
+     _red_ in all its prismatic differences!... Then there was the
+     collateral topic of ankles, what an occasion to a truly chaste
+     writer like ourself of touching that nice brink and yet never
+     tumbling over it, of a seemingly ever approximating something 'not
+     quite proper,' while like a skilful posture master, balancing
+     between decorums and their opposites, he keeps the line from which
+     a hair's breadth deviation is destruction.... That conceit arrided
+     us most at that time, and still tickles our midriff to remember
+     where allusively to the flight of Astroea we pronounced--in
+     reference to the stockings still--that 'Modesty, taking her final
+     leave of mortals, her last blush was visible in her ascent to the
+     Heavens by the track of the glowing instep.'"
+
+References of a somewhat amatory character often make sayings
+acceptable, which for their intrinsic merit would scarcely raise a
+smile, and Lamb soon seriously deplored the loss of this serviceable
+assistance. He continues:--
+
+     "The fashion of jokes, with all other things, passes away as did
+     the transient mode which had so favoured us. The ankles of our fair
+     friends in a few weeks began to reassume their whiteness, and left
+     us scarce a leg to stand upon. Other female whims followed, but
+     none methought so pregnant, so invitatory of shrewd conceits, and
+     more than single meanings."
+
+He tells us that Parson Este and Topham brought up the custom of witty
+paragraphs first in the "World," a doubtful statement--and that even in
+his day the leading papers began to give up employing permanent wits.
+Many of our provincial papers still regale us with a column of facetiae,
+but machine-made humour is not now much appreciated. We require
+something more natural, and the jests in these papers now consist mostly
+of extracts from the works, or anecdotes from the lives of celebrated
+men. The pressure thus brought to bear upon Lamb for the production of
+jests in a given time led him to indulge in very bad puns, and to try to
+justify them as pleasant eccentricities. What can be expected from a man
+who tells us that "the worst puns are the best," or who can applaud
+Swift for having asked, on accidentally meeting a young student carrying
+a hare; "Prithee, friend, is that your own hair or a wig?" He finds the
+charm in such hazards in their utter irrelevancy, and truly they can
+only be excused as flowing from a wild and unchastened fancy. It must
+require great joviality or eccentricity to find any humour in
+caricaturing a pun.
+
+Speaking of the prospectus of a certain Burial Society, who promised a
+handsome plate with an angel above and a flower below, Lamb
+ventures--"Many a poor fellow, I dare swear, has that Angel and Flower
+kept from the Angel and Punchbowl, while to provide himself a bier he
+has curtailed himself of beer." But to record all Lamb's bad puns would
+be a dull and thankless task. We will finish the review of his verbal
+humour by quoting a passage out of an indifferent farce he wrote
+entitled, "Mr. H----."
+
+     (_The hero cannot on account of his patronymic get any girl to
+     marry him._)
+
+     "My plaguy ancestors, if they had left me but a Van, or a Mac, or
+     an Irish O', it had been something to qualify it--Mynheer Van
+     Hogsflesh, or Sawney Mac Hogsflesh, or Sir Phelim O'Hogsflesh, but
+     downright blunt---- If it had been any other name in the world I
+     could have borne it. If it had been the name of a beast, as Bull,
+     Fox, Kid, Lamb, Wolf, Lion; or of a bird, as Sparrow, Hawk,
+     Buzzard, Daw, Finch, Nightingale; or of a fish, as Sprat, Herring,
+     Salmon; or the name of a thing, as Ginger, Hay, Wood; or of a
+     colour, as Black, Gray, White, Green; or of a sound, as Bray; or
+     the name of a month, as March, May; or of a place, as Barnet,
+     Baldock, Hitchen; or the name of a coin, as Farthing, Penny,
+     Twopenny; or of a profession, as Butcher, Baker, Carpenter, Piper,
+     Fisher, Fletcher, Fowler, Glover; or a Jew's name, as Solomons,
+     Isaacs, Jacobs; or a personal name, as Foot, Leg, Crookshanks,
+     Heaviside, Sidebottom, Ramsbottom, Winterbottom; or a long name, as
+     Blanchenhagen or Blanchhausen; or a short name as Crib, Crisp,
+     Crips, Tag, Trot, Tub, Phips, Padge, Papps, or Prig, or Wig, or
+     Pip, or Trip; Trip had been something, but Ho--!"
+
+     (_Walks about in great agitation; recovering his coolness a little,
+     sits down._)
+
+These were weaker points in Lamb, but we must also look at the other
+side. Those who have read his celebrated essay on Hogarth will find that
+he possesses no great appreciation for that humour which is only
+intended to raise a laugh, and might conclude that he was more of a
+moralist than a humorist. He admires the great artist as an instructor,
+but admits that "he owes his immortality to his touches of humour, to
+his mingling the comic with the terrible." Those, he continues, are to
+be blamed who overlook the moral in his pictures, and are merely taken
+with the humour or disgusted by the vulgarity. Moreover, there is a
+propriety in the details; he notices the meaning in the tumbledown
+houses "the dumb rhetoric," in which "tables, chairs, and joint stools
+are living, and significant things." In these passages Lamb seems to
+regard the comic merely as a means to an end;--"Who sees not," he asks,
+"that the grave-digger in Hamlet, the fool in Lear have a kind of
+correspondency to, and fall in with, the subjects which they seem to
+interrupt; while the comic stuff in 'Venice Preserved,' and the doggrel
+nonsense of the cook and his poisoning associates in the Rollo of
+Beaumont and Fletcher are pure irrelevant, impertinent discords--as bad
+as the quarreling dog and cat under the table of our Lord and the
+Disciples at Emmaus, of Titian."
+
+Lamb's interpretation of Hogarth's works is that of a superior and
+thoughtful mind: but we cannot help thinking that the humour in them
+was not so entirely subordinate to the moral. One conclusion we may
+incidentally deduce from his remarks--that the meaning in pictorial
+illustrations, either as regards humour or sentiment, is not so
+appreciable as it would be in words, and consequently that caricatures
+labour under considerable disadvantages. "Much," he says, "depends upon
+the habits of mind we bring with us." And he continues--"It is peculiar
+to the confidence of high genius alone to trust much to spectators or
+readers," he might have added that in painting, this confidence is often
+misplaced, especially as regards the less imaginative part of the
+public. We owe him a debt, however, for a true observation with regard
+to the general uses of caricatures, that "it prevents that disgust at
+common life which an unrestricted passion for ideal forms and beauties
+is in danger of producing."
+
+But leaving passages in which Lamb approves of absurd jesting, and those
+in which he commends humour for pointing a moral, we come to consider
+the largest and most characteristic part of his writings, his pleasant
+essays, in which he has neither shown himself a moralist or a
+mountebank.
+
+The following is from an Essay "On the Melancholy of Tailors."
+
+     "Observe the suspicious gravity of their gait. The peacock is not
+     more tender, from a consciousness of his peculiar infirmity, than a
+     gentleman of this profession is of being known by the same
+     infallible testimonies of his occupation, 'Walk that I may know
+     thee.'
+
+     "Whoever saw the wedding of a tailor announced in the newspapers, or
+     the birth of his eldest son?
+
+     "When was a tailor known to give a dance, or to be himself a good
+     dancer, or to perform exquisitely upon the tight rope, or to shine
+     in any such light or airy pastimes? To sing, or play on the violin?
+     Do they much care for public rejoicings, lightings up, ringing of
+     bells, firing of cannons, &c.
+
+     "Valiant I know they be, but I appeal to those who were witnesses
+     to the exploits of Eliot's famous troop whether in their fiercest
+     charges they betrayed anything of that thoughtless oblivion to
+     death with which a Frenchman jigs into battle, or, whether they did
+     not show more of the melancholy valour of the Spaniard upon whom
+     they charged that deliberate courage which contemplation and
+     sedentary habits breathe."
+
+Lamb accounts for this melancholy of tailors in several ingenious ways.
+
+     "May it not be that the custom of wearing apparel, being derived to
+     us from the fall, and one of the most mortifying products of that
+     unhappy event, a certain seriousness (to say no more of it) may in
+     the order of things have been intended to have been impressed upon
+     the minds of that race of men to whom in all ages the care of
+     contriving the human apparel has been entrusted."
+
+He makes further comments upon their habits and diet, observing that
+both Burton and Galen especially disapprove of cabbage.
+
+In "Roast Pig" we have one of those homely subjects which were congenial
+to Lamb.
+
+     "There is no flavour comparable, I will contend, to that of the
+     crisp, tawny, well-watched, not over roasted crackling--as it is
+     well called--the very teeth are invited to their share of the
+     pleasure at this banquet in overcoming the coy, brittle
+     resistance--with the adhesive oleaginous--O call it not fat--but
+     an indefinable sweetness growing up to it--the tender blossoming of
+     fat--fat cropped in the bud--taken in the shoot in the first
+     innocence--the cream and quintessence of the child pig's yet pure
+     food--the lean--no lean, but a kind of animal manna--or rather fat
+     and lean (if it must be so) so blended and running into each other,
+     that both together make but one ambrosian result, or common
+     substance.
+
+     "Behold him, while he is doing--it seemeth rather a refreshing
+     warmth than a scorching heat, that he is passive to. How equably he
+     twirleth round the string! Now he is just done. To see the extreme
+     sensibility of that tender age; he hath wept out his pretty
+     eyes--radiant jellies--shooting stars....
+
+     "His sauce should be considered. Decidedly a few bread crumbs done
+     up with his liver and brains, and a dish of mild sage. But banish,
+     dear Mrs. Cook, I beseech you the whole onion tribe. Barbecue your
+     whole hogs to your palate, steep them in shalots, stuff them out
+     with plantations of the rank and guilty garlic, you cannot poison
+     them or make them sharper than they are--but consider he is a
+     weakling--a flower."
+
+Lamb gives his opinion that you can no more improve sucking pig than you
+can refine a violet.
+
+Thus he proceeds along his sparkling road--his humour and poetry
+gleaming one through the other, and often leaving us in pleasant
+uncertainty whether he is in jest or earnest. Though not gifted with the
+strength and suppleness of a great humorist, he had an intermingled
+sweetness and brightness beyond even the alchemy of Addison. We regret
+to see his old-fashioned figure receding from our view--but he will ever
+live in remembrance as the most joyous and affectionate of friends.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Byron--Vision of Judgment--Lines to Hodgson--Beppo--Humorous
+  Rhyming--Profanity of the Age.
+
+
+Moore considered that the original genius of Byron was for satire, and
+he certainly first became known by his "English Bards and Scotch
+Reviewers." Nevertheless, his humorous productions are very small
+compared with his sentimental. It might perhaps have been expected that
+his mind would assume a gloomy and cynical complexion. His personal
+infirmity, with which, in his childhood, even his mother was wont to
+taunt him, might well have begotten a severity similar to that of Pope.
+The pressure of friends and creditors led him, while a mere stripling,
+to form an uncongenial alliance with a stern puritan, who, while
+enjoying his renown, sought to force his soaring genius into the
+trammels of commonplace conventionalities. On his refusing, a clamour
+was raised against him, and those who were too dull to criticise his
+writings were fully equal to the task of finding fault with his morals.
+It may be said that he might have smiled at these attacks, and conscious
+of his power, have replied to his social as well as literary critics
+
+  "Better to err with Pope than shine with Pye,"
+
+and so he might, had he possessed an imperturbable temper, and been able
+to forecast his future fame. But a man's career is not secure until it
+is ended, and the throne of the author is often his tomb. Moreover, the
+same hot blood which laid him open to his enemies, also rendered him
+impatient of rebuke. Coercion roused his spirit of opposition; he fell
+to replies and retorts, and to "making sport for the Philistines." He
+would show his contempt for his foes by admitting their charges, and
+even by making himself more worthy of their vituperation. And so a great
+name and genius were tarnished and spotted, and a dark shadow fell upon
+his glory. But let us say he never drew the sword without provocation.
+In condemning the wholesale onslaught he made in the "Bards and
+Reviewers," we must remember that it was a reply to a most unwarrantable
+and offensive attack made upon him by the "Edinburgh Review," written as
+though the fact of the author being a nobleman had increased the spleen
+of the critic. It says:--
+
+     "The poesy of this young lord belongs to the class which neither
+     gods nor men are said to permit. Indeed we do not recollect to have
+     seen a quantity of verse with so few deviations in either direction
+     for that exact standard. His effusions are spread over a dead flat,
+     and can no more get above or below the level than if they were so
+     much stagnant water.... We desire to counsel him that he forthwith
+     abandon poetry and turn his talents, which are considerable, and
+     his opportunities, which are great, to better account."[15]
+
+So his profanity in the "Vision of Judgment," was in answer to Southey's
+poem of that name, the introduction of which contained strictures
+against him. Accused of being Satanic, he replies with some profanity,
+and with that humour which he principally shows in such retorts--
+
+  "Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate,
+  His keys wore rusty, and the lock was dull,
+  So little trouble had been given of late--
+  Not that the place by any means was full;
+  But since the Gallic era 'eighty-eight'
+  The devils had ta'en a longer, stronger pull,
+  And 'a pull together,' as they say
+  At sea--which drew most souls another way.
+
+  "The angels all were singing out of tune,
+  And hoarse with having little else to do,
+  Excepting to wind up the sun and moon,
+  Or curb a runaway young star or two,
+  Or wild colt of a comet, which too soon
+  Broke out of bounds o'er the ethereal blue,
+  Splitting some planet with its playful tail
+  As boats are sometimes by a wanton whale."
+
+The effect of Southey reading _his_ "Vision of Judgment" is thus
+given:--
+
+  "Those grand heroics acted as a spell,
+  The angels stopped their ears, and plied their pinions,
+  The devils ran howling deafened down to hell,
+  The ghosts fled gibbering, for their own dominions."
+
+His poem on a lady who maligned him to his wife, seems to show that he
+did not well distinguish where the humorous ends and the ludicrous
+begins. He represents her--
+
+  "With a vile mask the Gorgon would disown
+  A cheek of parchment and an eye of stone,
+  Mark how the channels of her yellow blood
+  Ooze at her skin, and stagnate there to mud,
+  Cased like the centipede in saffron mail,
+  A darker greenness of the scorpion's scale,
+  Look on her features! and behold her mind
+  As in a mirror of itself defined."
+
+No one suffered more than Byron from his humour being misapprehended.
+His letters abound with jests and _jeux d'esprit_, which were often
+taken seriously as admissions of an immoral character. We gladly turn to
+something pleasanter--to some of the few humorous pieces he wrote in a
+genial tone--
+
+
+  EPIGRAM.
+
+  The world is a bundle of hay
+  Mankind are the asses who pull
+  Each tugs in a different way,
+  The greatest of all is John Bull.
+
+Lines to Mr. Hodgson (afterwards Provost of Eton) written on board the
+packet for Lisbon,
+
+  Huzza! Hodgson, we are going,
+  Our embargo's off at last,
+  Favourable breezes blowing
+  Bend the canvas o'er the mast,
+  From aloft the signal's streaming
+  Hark! the farewell gun is fired,
+  Women screeching, tars blaspheming,
+  Tell us that our time's expired.
+            Here's a rascal
+            Come to task all,
+  Prying from the custom house;
+            Trunks unpacking,
+            Cases cracking,
+  Not a corner for a mouse,
+  'Scapes unsearched amid the racket
+  Ere we sail on board the packet....
+
+  Now our boatmen quit the mooring,
+  And all hands must ply the oar:
+  Baggage from the quay is lowering,
+  We're impatient, push from shore.
+  "Have a care that case holds liquor--
+  Stop the boat--I'm sick--oh Lord!"
+  "Sick, ma'am, d--me, you'll be sicker,
+  Ere you've been an hour on board."
+            Thus are screaming
+            Men and women,
+  Gemmen, ladies, servants, tacks;
+            Here entangling,
+            All are wrangling,
+  Stuck together close as wax,
+  Such the general noise and racket
+  Ere we reach the Lisbon packet.
+
+  Fletcher! Murray! Bob! where are you?
+  Stretched along the deck like logs--
+  Bear a hand, you jolly tar, you!
+  Here's a rope's end for the dogs.
+  Hobhouse muttering fearful curses
+  As the hatchway down he rolls,
+  Now his breakfast, now his verses,
+  Vomits forth and d--ns our souls.
+
+In Beppo there is much gay carnival merriment and some humour--a style
+well suited to Italian revelry. When Laura's husband, Beppo, returns,
+and is seen in a new guise at a ball, we read--
+
+  "He was a Turk the colour of mahogany
+  And Laura saw him, and at first was glad,
+  Because the Turks so much admire philogyny,
+  Although the usage of their wives is sad,
+  'Tis said they use no better than a dog any
+  Poor woman, whom they purchase like a pad;
+  They have a number though they ne'er exhibits 'em,
+  Four wives by law and concubines 'ad libitum."
+
+On being assured that he is her husband, she exclaims--
+
+  "_Beppo._ And are you really truly, now a Turk?
+  With any other women did you wive?
+  Is't true they use their fingers for a fork?
+  Well, that's the prettiest shawl--as I'm alive!
+  You'll give it me? They say you eat no pork.
+  And how so many years did you contrive
+  To--Bless me! did I ever? No, I never
+  Saw a man grown so yellow! How's your liver?"
+
+More than half the poem is taken up with digressions, more or less
+amusing, such as--
+
+  "Oh, mirth and innocence! Oh milk and water!
+    Ye happy mixtures of more happy days!
+  In these sad centuries of sin and slaughter
+    Abominable man no more allays
+  His thirst with such pure beverage. No matter,
+    I love you both, and both shall have my praise!
+  Oh, for old Saturn's reign of sugar-candy!
+    Meantime I drink to your return in brandy."
+
+We may observe that there is humour in the rhymes in the above stanzas.
+He often used absurd terminations to his lines as--
+
+  "For bating Covent garden, I can hit on
+  No place that's called Piazza in Great Britain."
+
+People going to Italy, are to take with them--
+
+  "Ketchup, Soy, Chili-vinegar and Harvey,
+  Or, by the Lord! a Lent will well nigh starve ye."
+
+We are here reminded of the endings of some of Butler's lines. Such
+rhymes were then regarded as poetical, but in our improved taste we only
+use them for humour. Lamb considered them to be a kind of punning, but
+in one case the same position, in the other the same signification is
+given to words of the same sound. The following couplet was written
+humorously by Swift for a dog's collar--
+
+  "Pray steal me not: I'm Mrs. Dingley's
+  Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies."
+
+Pope has the well known lines,
+
+  "Worth makes the man and want of it the fellow,
+  And all the rest is leather and prunella."
+
+Miss Sinclair also, in her description of the Queen's visit to Scotland,
+has adopted these irregular terminations with good effect--
+
+  "Our Queen looks far better in Scotland than England
+  No sight's been like this since I once saw the King land.
+
+  Edina! long thought by her neighbours in London
+  A poor country cousin by poverty undone;
+
+  The tailors with frantic speed, day and night cut on,
+  While scolded to death if they misplace a button.
+
+  And patties and truffles are better for Verrey's aid,
+  And cream tarts like those which once almost killed Scherezade."
+
+The parallelism of poetry has undergone very many changes, but there has
+generally been an inclination to assimilate it to the style of chants or
+ballad music. The forms adopted may be regarded as arbitrary--the
+rythmical tendency of the mind being largely influenced by established
+use and surrounding circumstances. We cannot see any reason why rhymes
+should be terminal--they might be at one end of the line as well as at
+the other. We might have--
+
+  "Early rose of Springs first dawn,
+  Pearly dewdrops gem thy breast,
+  Sweetest emblem of our hopes,
+  Meetest flower for Paradise."
+
+But there are signs that all this pedantry, graceful as it is, will
+gradually disappear. Blank verse is beginning to assert its sway, and
+the sentiment in poetry is less under the domination of measure. No
+doubt the advance to this freer atmosphere will be slow, music has
+already adopted a wider harmony. Ballads are being superseded by part
+singing, and airs by sonatas. The time will come when to produce a
+jingle at the end of lines will seem as absurd as the rude harmonies of
+Dryden and Butler now appear to us.
+
+It would not be just to judge of the profanity of Byron by the standard
+of the present day. We have seen that two centuries since parodies
+which to us would seem distasteful, if not profane, were written and
+enjoyed by eminent men. Probably Byron, a man of wide reading had seen
+them, and thought that he too might tread on unforbidden ground and
+still lay claim to innocence. The periodicals and collections of the
+time frequently published objectionable imitations of the language of
+Scripture and of the Liturgy, evidently ridiculing the peculiarities
+inseparable from an old-fashioned style and translation. In the
+"Wonderful Magazine" there was "The Matrimonial Creed," which sets forth
+that the wife is to bear rule over the husband, a law which is to be
+kept whole on pain of being "scolded everlastingly."
+
+A litany supposed to have been written by a nobleman against Tom Paine,
+was in the following style.
+
+
+  THE POOR MAN'S LITANY.
+
+  "From four pounds of bread at sixteen-pence price,
+  And butter at eighteen, though not very nice,
+  And cheese at a shilling, though gnawed by the mice,
+            Good Lord deliver us!"
+
+The "Chronicles of the Kings of England," by Nathan Ben Sadi were also
+of this kind, parodies on Scripture were used at Elections on both
+sides, and one on the Te Deum against Napoleon had been translated into
+all the European languages. But a most remarkable trial took place in
+the year 1817, that of William Hone for publishing profane parodies
+against the Government. From this we might have hoped that a better
+taste was at length growing up, but Hone maintained that the prosecution
+was undertaken on political grounds, and that had the satires been in
+favour of the Government nothing would have been said against them. He
+also complained of the profanity of his accuser, the Attorney-General,
+who was perpetually "taking the Lord's name in vain" during his speech.
+Some parts of Hone's publications seem to have debased the Church
+Services by connecting them with what was coarse and low, but the main
+object was evidently to ridicule the Regent and his Ministers, and this
+view led the jury to acquit him. Still there was no doubt that his
+satire reflected in both ways. His Catechism of a Ministerial member
+commenced--
+
+     _Question._ What is your name?
+
+     _Answer._ Lick-spittle.
+
+     _Ques._ Who gave you this name?
+
+     _Ans._ My Sureties to the Ministry in my political charge, wherein
+     I was made a member of the majority, the child of corruption, and a
+     locust to devour the good things of this kingdom.
+
+The supplications in his Litany were of the following kind--
+
+     "O Prince! ruler of thy people, have mercy upon us thy miserable
+     subjects."
+
+Some of Gillray's caricatures would not now be tolerated, such as that
+representing Hoche ascending to Heaven surrounded by Seraphim and
+Cherubim--grotesque figures with red nightcaps and tri-coloured cockades
+having books before them containing the Marseillaise hymn. In another
+Pitt was going to heaven in the form of Elijah, and letting his mantle
+drop on the King's Ministers.
+
+It must be admitted that there is often a great difficulty in deciding
+whether the intention was to ridicule the original writing or the
+subject treated in the Parody. A variety of circumstances may tend to
+determine the question on one side or the other, but regard should
+especially be had as to whether any imperfection in the original is
+pointed out. The fault may be only in form, but in the best travesties
+the sense and subject are also ridiculed, and with justice.
+
+Such was the aim in the celebrated "Rejected Addresses," and it was well
+carried out. This work now exhibits the ephemeral character of humour,
+for, the originals having fallen into obscurity, the imitations afford
+no amusement. But we can still appreciate a few, especially the two
+respectively commencing:--
+
+  "My brother Jack was nine in May,
+  And I was eight on New Year's day;
+  So in Kate Wilson's shop,
+  Papa, (he's my papa and Jack's,)
+  Bought me, last week, a doll of wax,
+    And brother Jack a top."...
+
+And--
+
+  "O why should our dull retrospective addresses,
+    Fall damp as wet blankets on Drury Lane fire?
+  Away with blue devils, away with distresses,
+    And give the gay spirit to sparkling desire.
+
+  "Let artists decide on the beauties of Drury,
+    The richest to me is when woman is there;
+  The question of houses I leave to the jury;
+    The fairest to me is the house of the fair."
+
+The point in these will be recognised at once, as Wordsworth and Moore
+are still well known.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+Theodore Hook--Improvisatore Talent--Poetry--Sydney Smith--The "Dun
+  Cow"--Thomas Hood--Gin--Tylney Hall--John Trot--Barbara's Legends.
+
+
+Theodore Hook was at Harrow with Lord Byron, and characteristically
+commenced his career there by breaking one of Mrs. Drury's windows at
+the suggestion of that nobleman. His father was a popular composer of
+music, and young Theodore's first employment was that of writing songs
+for him. This, no doubt, gave the boy a facility, and led to the great
+celebrity he acquired for his improvisatore talent. He was soon much
+sought for in society, and a friend has told me that he has heard him,
+on sitting down to the piano, extemporize two or three hundred lines,
+containing humorous remarks upon all the company. On one occasion, Sir
+Roderick Murchison was present, and some would have been a little
+puzzled how to bring such a name into rhyme, but he did not hesitate a
+moment running on:--
+
+  "And now I'll get the purchase on,
+  To sing of Roderick Murchison."
+
+Cowden Clark relates that when at a party and playing his symphony,
+Theodore asked his neighbour what was the name of the next guest, and
+then sang:--
+
+  "Next comes Mr. Winter, collector of taxes,
+  And you must all pay him whatever he axes;
+  And down on the nail, without any flummery;
+  For though he's called Winter, his acts are all summary."
+
+Horace Twiss tried to imitate him in this way, but failed. Hook's humour
+was not of very high class. He was fond of practical jokes, such as that
+of writing a hundred letters to tradesmen desiring them all to send
+goods to a house on a given day. Sometimes he would surprise strangers
+by addressing some strange question to them in the street. He started
+the "John Bull" newspaper, in which he wrote many humorous papers, and
+amused people by expressing his great surprise, on crossing the Channel,
+to find that every little boy and girl could speak French.
+
+He wrote cautionary verses against punning:--
+
+  "My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun
+  That very silly thing, indeed, which people call a pun;
+  Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence
+  It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense.
+  For instance, _ale_ may make you _ail_, your _aunt_ an _ant_ may kill,
+  You in a _vale_ may buy a _veil_, and _Bill_ may pay the _bill_;
+  Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be,
+  A _peer_ appears upon the _pier_, who blind still goes to _sea_."
+
+But he was much given to the practice he condemns--here is an epigram--
+
+  "It seems as if Nature had cunningly planned
+  That men's names with their trades should agree,
+  There's Twining the tea-man, who lives in the Strand,
+  Would be _whining_ if robbed of his T."
+
+Mistakes of words by the uneducated are a very ordinary resource of
+humorists, but, of course, there is a great difference in the quality of
+such jests. Mrs. Ramsbottom in Paris, eats a _voulez-vous_ of fowl, and
+some pieces of _crape_, and goes to the _symetery_ of the _Chaise and
+pair_. Afterwards she goes to the _Hotel de Veal_, and buys some _sieve_
+jars to keep _popery_ in.
+
+Hook was a strong Tory, and some of his best humour was political. One
+of his squibs has been sometimes attributed to Lord Palmerston.
+
+  "Fair Reform, Celestial maid!
+  Hope of Britons! Hope of Britons!
+  Calls her followers to aid;
+  She has fit ones, she has fit ones!
+  They would brave in danger's day,
+  Death to win her! Death to win her;
+  If they met not by the way,
+  Michael's dinner! Michael's dinner!"
+
+Alluding to a dinner-party which kept several Members from the House on
+the occasion of an important division.
+
+Among his political songs may be reckoned "The Invitation" (from one of
+the Whig patronesses of the Lady's Fancy Dress Ball,)
+
+  "Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering,
+  Freedom's flag at Willis's is just unfurled,
+  We, with French dances, will overcome French vapouring,
+  And with ice and Roman punch amaze the world;
+  There's I myself, and Lady L----, you'll seldom meet a rummer set,
+  With Lady Grosvenor, Lady Foley, and her Grace of Somerset,
+  While Lady Jersey fags herself, regardless of the bustle, ma'am,
+  With Lady Cowper, Lady Anne, and Lady William Russell, ma'am.
+  Come, ladies, come, &c."
+
+There is a sort of polite social satire running through Theodore Hook's
+works, but it does not exhibit any great inventive powers. In
+"Byroniana," he ridicules the gossiping books written after Byron's
+death, pretending to give the minutest accounts of his habits and
+occasional observations--and generally omitting the names of their
+authority. Thus Hook tells us in a serio-comic tone:--
+
+     "He had a strong antipathy to pork when underdone or stale, and
+     nothing could induce him to partake of fish which had been caught
+     more than ten days--indeed, he had a singular dislike even to the
+     smell of it. He told me one night that ---- told ---- that if ----
+     would only ---- him ---- she would ---- without any compunction:
+     for her ----, who though an excellent man, was no ----, but that
+     she never ----, and this she told ---- and ---- as well as Lady
+     ---- herself. Byron told me this in confidence, and I may be blamed
+     for repeating it; but ---- can corroborate it; if it happens not to
+     be gone to ----"
+
+The following written against an old-fashioned gentleman, Mr. Brown, who
+objects to the improvements of the age, is interesting. It is amusing
+now to read an ironical defence of steam, intended to ridicule the
+pretensions of its advocates.
+
+     "Mr. Brown sneers at steam and growls at gas. I contend that the
+     utility of constructing a coach which shall go by hot water, nearly
+     as fast as two horses can draw it at a trifling additional expense,
+     promises to be wonderfully useful. We go too fast, Sir, with
+     horses; besides, horses eat oats, and farmers live by selling oats;
+     if, therefore, by inconveniencing ourselves, and occasionally
+     risking our lives, we can, however imperfectly, accomplish by steam
+     what is now done by horses, we get rid of the whole race of
+     oat-sowers, oat-sellers, oat-eaters, and oat-stealers, vulgarly
+     called ostlers."
+
+Sydney Smith especially aimed at pleasantry in his humour, there was no
+animosity in it, and generally no instruction. Mirth, pure and simple,
+was his object. Rogers observes "After Luttrell, you remembered what
+good things he said--after Smith how much you laughed."
+
+In Moore's Diary we read "at a breakfast at Roger's, Smith, full of
+comicality and fancy, kept us all in roars of laughter." His wit was so
+turned, that it never wounded. When he took leave of Lord Dudley, the
+latter said, "You have been laughing at me constantly, Sydney, for the
+last seven years, and yet in all that time, you never said a thing to me
+that I wished unsaid."
+
+It would be superfluous to give a collection of Smith's good sayings,
+but the following is characteristic of his style. When he heard of a
+small Scotchman going to marry a lady of large dimensions, he exclaimed,
+
+     "Going to marry her? you mean a part of her, he could not marry her
+     all. It would be not bigamy but trigamy. There is enough of her to
+     furnish wives for a whole parish. You might people a colony with
+     her, or give an assembly with her, or perhaps take your morning's
+     walk round her, always providing there were frequent resting-places
+     and you were in rude health. I was once rash enough to try walking
+     round her before breakfast, but only got halfway, and gave up
+     exhausted."
+
+Smith's humour was nearly always of this continuous kind, "changing its
+shape and colour to many forms and hues." He wished to continue the
+merriment to the last, but such repetition weakened its force. His
+humour is better when he has some definite aim in view, as in his
+letters about America, where he lost his money. But we have not many
+specimens of it in his writings, the following is from "The Dun Cow:"--
+
+     "The immense importance of a pint of ale to a common man should
+     never be overlooked, nor should a good-natured Justice forget that
+     he is acting for Lilliputians, whose pains and pleasures lie in
+     very narrow compass, and are but too apt to be treated with neglect
+     and contempt by their superiors. About ten or eleven o'clock in the
+     morning, perhaps, the first faint shadowy vision of a future pint
+     of beer dawns on the fancy of the ploughman. Far, very far is it
+     from being fully developed. Sometimes the idea is rejected;
+     sometimes it is fostered. At one time he is almost fixed on the
+     'Red Horse,' but the blazing fire and sedulous kindness of the
+     landlady of the 'Dun Cow' shake him, and his soul labours! Heavy is
+     the ploughed land, dark, dreary, and wet the day. His purpose is at
+     last fixed for beer! Threepence is put down for the vigour of the
+     ale, and one penny for the stupefaction of tobacco, and these are
+     the joys and holidays of millions, the greatest pleasure and
+     relaxation which it is in the power of fortune to bestow."
+
+Such kindly feelings as animated Sydney Smith were found more fully
+developed in Thomas Hood. He made his humour minister to philanthropy.
+The man who wrote the "Song of the Shirt" felt keenly for all the
+sufferings of the poor--he even favoured some of their unreasonable
+complaints. Thus he writes the "Address of the Laundresses to the Steam
+Washing Company," to show how much they are injured by such an
+institution. In a "Drop of Gin," he inveighs against this destructive
+stimulant.
+
+  "Gin! gin! a drop of gin!
+  What magnified monsters circle therein,
+  Bagged and stained with filth and mud,
+  Some plague-spotted, and some with blood."
+
+He seems not to be well pleased with Mr. Bodkin, the Secretary for the
+Society for the Suppression of Mendicity--
+
+  "Hail! king of shreds and patches, hail!
+  Dispenser of the poor!
+  Thou dog in office set to bark
+  All beggars from the door!
+
+         *       *       *       *       *
+
+  "Of course thou art what Hamlet meant
+  To wretches, the last friend;
+  What ills can mortals have that can't
+  With a bare _bodkin_ end."
+
+Mr. M'Adam is apostrophized--
+
+  "Hail Roadian, hail Colossus, who dost stand,
+  Striding ten thousand turnpikes on the land?
+  Oh, universal Leveller! all hail!"
+
+In a sporting dialogue in "Tylney Hall," we have--
+
+     "'A clever little nag, that,' said the Squire, after a long
+     one-eyed look at the brown mare, 'knows how to go, capital action.'
+
+     "'A picture, isn't she?' said the Baronet. 'I bought her last week
+     by way of a surprise to Ringwood. She was bred by old Toby Sparks
+     at Hollington, by Tiggumbob out of Tolderol, by Diddledumkins,
+     Cockalorum, and so forth.'
+
+     "'An odd fish, old Toby;' said the Squire, 'always give 'em queer
+     names: can jump a bit, no doubt?'
+
+     "'She jumps like a flea,' said Dick, 'and as for galloping, she can
+     go from anywhere to everywhere in forty minutes--and back again.'"
+
+We may also mention his description of an old-fashioned doctor.
+
+     "At first sight we were in doubt whether to set him down as a
+     doctor or a pedagogue, for his dress presented one very
+     characteristic appendage of the latter, namely a square cut black
+     coat, which never was, never would be, and probably never had been,
+     in fashion. A profusion of cambric frills, huge silver
+     shoe-buckles, a snuff-box of the same metal, and a gold-headed cane
+     belonging rather to the costume of the physician of the period. He
+     wore a very precise wig of a very decided brown, regularly crisped
+     at the top like a bunch of endive, and in front, following the
+     exact curves of the arches of two bushy eyebrows. He had dark eyes,
+     a prominent nose, and a wide mouth--the corners of which in smiling
+     were drawn towards his double chin. A florid colour on his face
+     hinted a plethoric habit, while a portly body and a very short
+     thick neck bespoke an apoplectic tendency. Warned by these
+     indications, prudence had made him a strict water-drinker, and
+     abstemious in his diet--a mode of treatment which he applied to all
+     his patients short or tall, stout or thin, with whom whatever their
+     disease, he invariably began by reducing them, as an arithmetician
+     would say, to their lowest terms. This mode of treatment raised him
+     much in the estimation of the parish authorities."
+
+The humour in the following is of a lighter and more tricksy kind--
+
+  WRITTEN IN A YOUNG LADY'S ALBUM.
+
+  "Upon your cheek I may not speak,
+  Nor on your lip be warm,
+  I must be wise about your eyes,
+  And formal with your form;
+  Of all that sort of thing, in short,
+  On T. H. Bayly's plan,
+  I must not twine a single line,
+  I'm not a single man."
+
+On hearing that Grimaldi had left the stage, he enumerates his funny
+performances--
+
+  "Oh, who like thee could ever drink,
+  Or eat--smile--swallow--bolt--and choke,
+  Nod, weep, and hiccup--sneeze and wink?
+  Thy very gown was quite a joke!
+  Though Joseph Junior acts not ill,
+  'There's no fool like the old fool still.'"
+
+His felicity in playing with words is well exhibited in the stanzas on
+"John Trot."
+
+  "John Trot he was as tall a lad
+    As York did ever rear,
+  As his dear granny used to say,
+    He'd make a Grenadier.
+
+  "A serjeant soon came down to York
+    With ribbons and a frill;
+  My lad, said he, let broadcast be,
+    And come away to drill.
+
+  "But when he wanted John to 'list,
+    In war he saw no fun,
+  Where what is call'd a raw recruit,
+    Gets often over-done.
+
+  "Let others carry guns, said he,
+    And go to war's alarms,
+  But I have got a shoulder-knot
+    Imposed upon my arms.
+
+  "For John he had a footman's place,
+    To wait on Lady Wye,
+  She was a dumpy woman, tho'
+    Her family was high.
+
+  "Now when two years had passed away
+    Her lord took very ill,
+  And left her to her widowhood,
+    Of course, more dumpy still.
+
+  "Said John, I am a proper man,
+    And very tall to see,
+  Who knows, but now her lord is low
+    She may look up to me?
+
+  "'A cunning woman told me once
+    Such fortune would turn up,
+  She was a kind of sorceress,
+    But studied in a cup.'
+
+  "So he walked up to Lady Wye,
+    And took her quite amazed,
+  She thought though John was tall enough
+    He wanted to be raised.
+
+  "But John--for why? she was a dame
+    Of such a dwarfish sort--
+  Had only come to bid her make
+    Her mourning very short.
+
+  "Said he, 'your lord is dead and cold,
+    You only cry in vain,
+  Not all the cries of London now,
+    Could call him back again.
+
+  "'You'll soon have many a noble beau,
+    To dry your noble tears,
+  But just consider this that I
+    Have followed you for years.
+
+  "'And tho' you are above me far,
+    What matters high degree,
+  When you are only four foot nine,
+    And I am six foot three?
+
+  "'For though you are of lofty race,
+    And I'm a low-born elf,
+  Yet none among your friends could say,
+    You matched beneath yourself.'
+
+  "Said she, 'such insolence as this
+    Can be no common case;
+  Though you are in my service, Sir,
+    Your love is out of place.'
+
+  "'O Lady Wye! O Lady Wye!
+    Consider what you do;
+  How can you be so short with me,
+    I am not so with you!'
+
+  "Then ringing for her serving-men,
+    They show'd him to the door;
+  Said they, 'you turn out better now,
+    Why didn't you before?'
+
+  "They stripp'd his coat, and gave him kicks
+    For all his wages due,
+  And off instead of green and gold
+    He went in black and blue.
+
+  "No family would take him in
+    Because of this discharge,
+  So he made up his mind to serve
+    The country all at large.
+
+  "'Huzza!' the serjeant cried, and put
+    The money in his hand,
+  And with a shilling cut him off
+    From his paternal land.
+
+  "For when his regiment went to fight
+    At Saragossa town,
+  A Frenchman thought he look'd too tall,
+    And so he cut him down."
+
+Barham's humour, as seen in his "Ingoldsby Legends," is of a lower
+character, but shows that the author possessed a great natural facility.
+He had keen observation, but his taste did not prevent his employing it
+on what was coarse and puerile. Common slang abounds, as in "The Vulgar
+Little Boy;" he talks of "the devil's cow's tail," and is little afraid
+of extravagances. His metre often assists him, and we have often comic
+rhyming as where "Mephistopheles" answers to "Coffee lees," and he
+says:--
+
+  "To gain your sweet smiles, were I Sardanapalus,
+  I'd descend from my throne, and be boots at an alehouse,"
+
+But in raising a laugh and affording a pleasant distraction by fantastic
+humour on common subjects, the "Ingoldsby Legends" have been highly
+successful, and they are recommended by an occasional historical
+allusion, especially at the expense of the old monks. Being written by a
+man of knowledge and cultivation, they rise considerably above the
+standard of the contributions to lower class comic papers, which in some
+respects they resemble.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+Douglas Jerrold--Liberal Politics--Advantages of Ugliness--Button
+  Conspiracy--Advocacy of Dirt--The "Genteel Pigeons."
+
+
+There is an earnestness and a political complexion in the humour of
+Douglas Jerrold, such as might be expected from a man who had been
+educated in the school of adversity. He was born in a garret at
+Sheerness, where his father was manager of the theatre; and as he grew
+up in the seaport among ships, sailors and naval preparations, his
+ambition was fired, and he entered the service as a midshipman. On his
+return, after a short period, he found his father immersed in
+difficulties, due probably to the inactivity at the seaport in time of
+peace. Many a man has owed his success in life partly to his following
+his father's profession, and here fortune favoured Jerrold, as his
+maritime experiences assisted him as a writer for the stage. We can
+easily understand how "Black-eyed Susan" would move the hearts of
+sailors returning after a long voyage. Meanwhile the inner power and
+energy of the man developed itself in many directions; he perfected
+himself in Latin, French and Italian literature, wrote "leaders" for the
+"Morning Herald," and articles for Magazines. All his works were short,
+and those which were most approved never assumed an important character.
+The most successful enterprise in his career was his starting "Punch,"
+in conjunction with Gilbert' A-Beckett and Mark Lemon.
+
+Jerrold was a staunch and sturdy liberal, and his original idea was that
+of a periodical to expose every kind of hypocrisy, and fraud, and
+especially to attack the strongholds of Toryism. "Punch" owed much at
+its commencement to the pen of Jerrold, and has well retained its
+character for fun, although it scarcely now represents its projector's
+political ardour.
+
+His conversation overflowed with pleasantry, and in conversation he
+sometimes hazarded a pun, as when he asked Talfourd whether he had any
+more "Ions" in the fire. But the critic, who says that "every jest of
+his was a gross incivility made palatable by a pun," is singularly
+infelicitous, for as a humorous writer he is almost unique in his
+freedom from verbal humour. His style is often adagial or exaggerated,
+and we are constantly meeting such sentences as;
+
+     "Music was only invented to gammon human nature, and that is the
+     reason that women are so fond of it."
+
+     "A fellow from a horsepond will know anybody who's a supper and a
+     bed to give him."
+
+     "To whip a rascal for his rags is to pay flattering homage to cloth
+     of gold."
+
+     "A suspicious man would search a pincushion for treason, and see
+     daggers in a needle case."
+
+     "Wits, like drunken men with swords, are apt to draw their steel
+     upon their best acquaintance."
+
+     "What was talked of as the golden chain of love, was nothing but a
+     succession of laughs, a chromatic scale of merriment reaching from
+     earth to Olympus."
+
+St. Giles' and St. James' is written to show that "St. James in his
+brocade may probably learn of St. Giles in his tatters." It abounds in
+quaint and humorous moralizing. Here is a specimen--
+
+     "We cannot say if there really be not a comfort in substantial
+     ugliness: ugliness that unchanged will last a man his life, a good
+     granite face in which there shall be no wear or tear. A man so
+     appointed is saved many alarms, many spasms of pride. Time cannot
+     wound his vanity through his features; he eats, drinks, and is
+     merry in spite of mirrors. No acquaintance starts at sudden
+     alteration, hinting in such surprise, decay and the final tomb. He
+     grows old with no former intimates--churchyard voices--crying 'How
+     you're altered.' How many a man might have been a truer husband, a
+     better father, firmer friend, more valuable citizen, had he, when
+     arrived at legal maturity, cut off, say--an inch of his nose. This
+     inch--only an inch!--would have destroyed the vanity of the very
+     handsomest face, and so driven the thought of a man from a vulgar
+     looking-glass, a piece of shop crystal--and more, from the fatal
+     mirrors carried in the heads of women, to reflect heaven knows how
+     many coxcombs who choose to stare into them--driven the man to the
+     glass of his own mind. With such small sacrifice he might have been
+     a philosopher. Thus considered, how many a coxcomb may be within an
+     inch of a sage!"
+
+In another passage of the same book we read--
+
+     "Was there not Whitlow, beadle of the parish of St. Scraggs? What a
+     man-beast was Whitlow! how would he, like an avenging ogre, scatter
+     apple-women! how would he foot little boys guilty of peg-tops and
+     marbles! how would he puff at a beggar--puff like the picture of
+     the north wind in a spelling book! What a huge heavy purple face he
+     had, as though all the blood of his body were stagnant in his
+     cheeks! and then when he spoke, would he not growl and snuffle like
+     a dog? How the parish would have hated him, but that the parish
+     heard there was a Mrs. Whitlow; a small fragile woman, with a face
+     sharp as a penknife, and lips that cut her words like scissors! and
+     what a forlorn wretch was Whitlow with his head brought once a
+     night to the pillow! poor creature! helpless, confused; a huge
+     imbecility, a stranded whale! Mrs. Whitlow talked and talked; and
+     there was not an apple-woman that in Whitlow's sufferings was not
+     avenged: not a beggar that, thinking of the beadle at midnight,
+     might not in his compassion have forgiven the beadle of the day.
+     And in this punishment we acknowledge a grand, a beautiful
+     retribution. A Judge Jeffreys in his wig is an abominable tyrant;
+     yet may his victims sometimes smile to think what Judge Jeffreys
+     suffers in his night cap!"
+
+It is almost unnecessary to observe that the writer of Mrs. Caudle's
+Curtain Lectures was somewhat severe upon the fair sex. His idea of a
+perfect woman is that of one who is beautiful, "and can do everything
+but speak." In the "Chronicles of Clovernook"--_i.e._ of his little
+retreat near Herne Bay--he gives an account of the Hermit of Bellyfulle,
+who lives in "the cell of the corkscrew," and among many amusing
+paradoxes, maintains the following,
+
+     "Ay, Sir, the old story--the old grievance, Sir, twixt man and
+     woman," said the hermit.
+
+     "And what is that, Sir?" we asked.
+
+     The hermit shaking his head, and groaning cried, "Buttons."
+
+     "Buttons!" said we.
+
+     Our hermit drew himself closer to the table, and spreading his arms
+     upon it, leaned forward with the serious air of a man prepared to
+     discuss a grave thing. "Buttons," he repeated. Then clearing his
+     throat he began, "In the course of your long and, I hope, well
+     spent life, has it never come with thunderbolt conviction on you
+     that all washerwomen, clear-starchers, getters up of fine linen, or
+     under whatever name Eve's daughters--for as Eve brought upon us the
+     stern necessity of a shirt, it is but just that her girls should
+     wash it--under whatever name they cleanse and beautify flax and
+     cotton, that they are all under some compact, implied or solemnly
+     entered upon amongst themselves and their non-washing,
+     non-starching, non-getting up sisterhood, that by means subtle and
+     more mortally certain, they shall worry, coax, and drive all
+     bachelors and widowers soever into the pound of irredeemable
+     wedlock? Has this tremendous truth, sir, never struck you?'
+
+     "'How?--by what means?' we asked.
+
+     "'Simply by buttons.' answered the hermit, bringing down his
+     clenched fist upon the table.
+
+     "We knew it--we looked incredulous.
+
+     "'See here, sir,' said the Hermit, leaning still farther across the
+     table, 'I will take a man, who on his outstart in life, set his hat
+     a-cock at matrimony--a man who defies Hymen and all his wicked
+     wiles. Nevertheless, sir, the man must have a shirt, the man must
+     have a washerwoman, Think you that that shirt returning from the
+     tub, never wants one, two--three buttons? Always, sir, always. Sir,
+     though I am now an anchorite I have lived in your bustling world,
+     and seen--ay, quite as much as anyone of its manifold wickedness.
+     Well, the man--the buttonless man--at first calmly remonstrates
+     with his laundress. He pathetically wrings his wrists at her, and
+     shows his condition. The woman turns upon him her wainscot face and
+     promises amendment. The thing shall never happen again. Think you
+     the next shirt has its just and lawful number of buttons? Devil a
+     bit!'"
+
+In "The Bright Poker," he seems to pay a compliment under a guise of
+sarcasm:--
+
+     "And here my dear child, let me advise you to avoid by all means
+     what is called a clean wife. You will be made to endure the extreme
+     of misery under the base, the inviduous pretext of being rendered
+     comfortable. Your house will be an ark tossed by continual floods.
+     You will never know what it is to properly accommodate your
+     shoulders to a shirt, so brief will be its visit to your back ere
+     it again go to the washtub. And then for spiders, fleas, and other
+     household insects, sent especially into our homesteads to awaken
+     the enquiring spirit of man, to at once humble his individual pride
+     by the contemplation of their sagacity, and to elevate him by the
+     frequent evidence of the marvels of animal life--all these calls
+     upon our higher faculties will be wanting, and lacking them your
+     immortal part will be dizzied, stunned by the monotony of the
+     scrubbing-brush, and poisoned past the remedy of perfume by yellow
+     soap. Your wife and children, too, will have their faces
+     continually shining like the holiday saucers on the mantel-piece.
+     Now consider the conceit, the worse than arrogance of this; the
+     studied callous forgetfulness of the beginning of man. Did he not
+     spring from the earth?--from clay--dirt--mould--mud--garden soil,
+     or composition of some sort, for theological geology (you must look
+     in the dictionary for these words) has not precisely defined what;
+     and is it not the basest impudence of pride to seek to wash and
+     scrub and rub away the original spot? Is he not the most natural
+     man who in vulgar meaning is the dirtiest? Depend upon it, there is
+     a fine natural religion in dirt; and yet we see men and women
+     strive to appear as if they were compounded of the roses and lilies
+     in Paradise instead of the fine rich loam, that feeds their roots.
+     Be assured of it, there is great piety in what the ignorant
+     foolishly call filth. Take some of the Saints for an example--off
+     with their coats, and away with their hair shirts; and even then,
+     my son, so intently have they considered and been influenced by the
+     lowly origin of man, that with the most curious eye, and most
+     delicate finger, you shall not be able to tell where either saint
+     or dirt begins or ends."
+
+In a "Man made of Money," we have something original--a dialogue between
+two fleas, as they stand on the brow of Mr. Jericho--
+
+     "'My son,' says the elder, 'true it is, man feeds for us. Man is
+     the labouring chemist for the fleas; for them he turns the richest
+     meats and spiciest drinks to flea wine. Nevertheless, and I say it
+     with much pain, man is not what he was. He adulterates our tipple
+     most wickedly.'
+
+     "'I felt it with the last lodgers,' says the younger flea. 'They
+     drank vile spirits, their blood was turpentine with, I fear, a dash
+     of vitriol. How they lived at all, I know not. I always had the
+     headache in the morning. Here however,' and the juvenile looked
+     steadfastly down upon the plain of flesh, the wide champaign
+     beneath him--'here we have promise of better fare.'"
+
+But Douglas Jerrold's best humour is usually rather in the narrative
+and general issue than in any sudden hits or surprises. His "Sketches of
+The English" are humorous and admirably drawn, but it would be difficult
+to produce a single striking passage out of them. One of the most
+amusing stories in his collection of "Cakes and Ale" is called "The
+Genteel Pigeons."--A newly married couple return home before the end of
+the honeymoon, but wish to keep their arrival secret. George Tomata, a
+connection of the family, but unknown to Pigeon, calls at the house, and
+is denied admittance by the servant, but Pigeon, happening to come down
+asks if he has any message of importance to transact--
+
+     "'Not in the least, no--not at all,' answered Tomata leisurely
+     ascending the stairs, and with Mr Pigeon entering the drawing-room,
+     'So, the Pigeons are not at home yet eh?'
+
+     "'Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon the day of their marriage,' answered Pigeon
+     softly, 'went to Brighton.'
+
+     "'Ha! well, that's not three weeks yet. Of course, Sir, you are
+     intimate with Mr. Pigeon?'
+
+     "'I have the pleasure, sir,' said Samuel.
+
+     "'You lodge here, no doubt? Excuse me, although I have not with you
+     the pleasure--and doubtless it is a very great one--of knowing
+     Pigeon, still I am very intimate with his little wife.'
+
+     "'Indeed, Sir. I never heard her name--'
+
+     "'I dare say not, Sir; I dare say not. Oh very intimate; we wore
+     petticoats together. Baby companions, sir--baby companions--used to
+     bite the same pear.'
+
+     "'Really sir,'--and Pigeon shifted in his seat--'I was not aware of
+     so early and delicate a connection between yourself and Mrs.
+     Pigeon.'
+
+     "'We were to have been married, yes, I may say, the wedding-ring
+     was over the first joint of her finger.'
+
+     "'And pray, sir,' asked Pigeon, with a face of crimson, 'pray,
+     sir, what accident may have drawn the ring off again?'
+
+     "'You see, sir,' said George Tomata, arranging his hair by an
+     opposite mirror, 'my prospects lay in India--in India, sir. Now
+     Lotty--'
+
+     "'Who, sir?' exclaimed Pigeon, wrathfully.
+
+     "'Charlotte,' answered Tomata. 'I used to call her Lotty, and
+     she--he! he!--she used to call me 'Love-apple.' You may judge how
+     far we were both gone. For when a woman begins to play tricks with
+     a man's name you may be sure she begins to look upon it as her
+     future property.'
+
+     "'You are always right, sir, no doubt,' observed Pigeon, 'but you
+     were about to state the particular hindrance to your marriage
+     with'----
+
+     "'To be sure, Lotty--as I was going to observe, was a nice little
+     sugar-plum, a very nice little sugar-plum--as you will doubtless
+     allow.'
+
+     "It was with much difficulty that Pigeon possessed himself of
+     sufficient coolness to admit the familiar truth of the simile; he
+     however admitted the wife of his bosom to be a nice little
+     sugar-plum.
+
+     "'Very nice indeed, but I saw it--I felt convinced of it, and the
+     truth went like twenty daggers to my soul--but I discovered--'
+
+     "'Good heavens,' exclaimed Pigeon, 'discovered what?'
+
+     "'That her complexion,' replied Tomata, 'beautiful as it was would
+     not stand Trincomalee.'
+
+     "'And was that your sole objection to the match?' inquired Pigeon
+     solemnly.
+
+     "'I give you my honour as a gentleman that I had no other motive
+     for breaking off the marriage. Sir, I should have despised myself,
+     if I had; for, as I observed, we were both gone--very far gone
+     indeed.'
+
+     "'No doubt, sir,' answered Pigeon, burning to avow himself. 'But as
+     a friend of Mr. Pigeon, allow me to assure you that the lady was
+     not found too far gone to admit of a perfect recovery.'
+
+     "'I'm glad of it; hope it is so. By the way what sort of a fellow
+     is Pigeon? Had I been in London--I only came up yesterday--I should
+     have looked into the match before it took place. Lotty could expect
+     no less of me. What kind of an animal is this Pigeon?'
+
+     "'Kind of an animal, sir?' stammered Pigeon. 'Why, sir, he----'
+
+     "'Ha! that will do,' said the abrupt Tomata, 'as you're his friend
+     I'll not press you on that point. Poor Lotty--sacrificed I see!'"
+
+After more amusing dialogue he throws his card on the table and says he
+shall call, adding,
+
+     "'If Pigeon makes my Lotty a good husband, I'll take him by the
+     hand; if, however, I find him no gentleman--find that he shall use
+     the girl of my heart with harshness, or even with the least
+     unkindness--'
+
+     "'Well, sir!'--Pigeon thrusting his hands into his pockets
+     swaggered to Tomata--'what will you do then, sir?'
+
+     "'Then, sir. I shall again think the happiness of the lady placed
+     in my hands and thrash him--thrash him severely.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+Thackeray--His Acerbity--The Baronet--The Parson--Medical
+  Ladies--Glorvina--"A Serious Paradise."
+
+
+Thackeray resembled Lamb in the all-pervading character of his humour.
+He adorned with it almost everything he touched, but did not enter into
+it heart and soul, like a man of really joyous mirth-loving disposition.
+His pages teem with sly hits and insinuations, but he never developes a
+comic scene, and we can scarcely find a single really laughable episode
+in the whole course of his works. So little did he grasp or finish such
+pictures that we rarely select a passage from Thackeray for recitation.
+He thought more of plot and stratagem than of humour, and used the
+latter, not for its own sake, but mostly to give brilliance to his
+narrative, to make his figures prominent, and his remarks salient. He
+thus silvers unpalatable truths, and although he disowns being a
+moralist, we generally see some substratum of earnestness peeping
+through the eddies of his fancy. With him, humour is subservient. And
+he speaks from his inner self, when he exclaims, "Oh, brother wearers of
+motley! Are there not moments when one grows sick of grinning and
+tumbling, and the jingling of the cap and bells."
+
+We may say that much of Thackeray's humour is more inclined to produce a
+grin than a smile--merely to cause a grimace, owing to the bitterness
+from which it springs. It must be remembered, however, that the greater
+part of modern wit consists of sarcastic criticism, though it is not
+generally severe.
+
+In Thackeray we do not find any of that consciousness of the imbecility
+of man, which made some French writers call the humour of Democritus
+"melancholy." The "Vanity" of which he speaks is not that universal
+emptiness alluded to by the surfeited author of Ecclesiastes, nor has it
+even the ordinary signification of personal conceit. No; he implies
+something more culpable, such immorality as covetousness, deception,
+vindictiveness, and hypocrisy. He approaches the Roman Satirists in the
+relentless hand with which he exposes vice. Some of his characters are
+monstrous, and almost grotesque in selfishness, as that of Becky Sharp,
+to whom he does not allow one good quality. Cunning and unworthy
+motives add considerably to the zest of his humour. He says--
+
+     "This history has Vanity Fair for a title, and Vanity Fair is a
+     very vain foolish place, full of all sorts of humbugs and falseness
+     and pretentions. One is bound to speak the truth, as one knows it,
+     whether one mounts a cap and bells, or a shovel hat; and a deal of
+     disagreeable matter must come out in the course of such an
+     undertaking."
+
+Here is his description of a baronet, Sir Pitt Crawley;--
+
+     "The door was opened by a man in dark breeches and gaiters with a
+     dirty coat, a foul old neck cloth lashed round his bristly neck, a
+     shining bald head, a leering red face, a pair of twinkling grey
+     eyes, and a mouth perpetually on the grin.
+
+     "'This Sir John Pitt Crawley's?' says John, from the box.
+
+     "'Ees,' says the man at the door, with a nod.
+
+     "'Hand down these ere trunks then,' said John.
+
+     "'Hand 'n down yourself,' said the porter.
+
+     "'Don't you see I can't leave my horses? Come bear a hand, my fine
+     feller, and Miss will give you some beer,' said John, with a hoarse
+     laugh.
+
+     "The bald-headed man, taking his hands out of his breeches pockets,
+     advanced on this summons, and throwing Miss Sharp's trunk over his
+     shoulder, carried it into the house.
+
+     "On entering the dining room by the orders of the individual in
+     gaiters, Rebecca found that apartment not more cheerful than such
+     rooms usually are when genteel families are out of town.... Two
+     kitchen chairs and a round table and an attenuated old poker and
+     tongs were however gathered round the fire place, as was a saucepan
+     over a feeble sputtering fire. There was a bit of cheese and bread,
+     and a tin candlestick on the table, and a little black porter in a
+     pint pot.
+
+     "'Had your dinner, I suppose? It is too warm for you? Like a drop
+     of beer?'
+
+     "'Where is Sir Pitt Crawley?' said Miss Sharp majestically.
+
+     "'He, he! I'm Sir Pitt Crawley. Reclect you owe me a pint for
+     bringing down your luggage. He, he! Ask Tinker if I ayn't. Mrs.
+     Tinker, Miss Sharp, Miss Governess, Mrs. Charwoman, ho ho!'
+
+     "The lady addressed as Mrs. Tinker, at this moment made her
+     appearance with a pipe and paper of tobacco, for which she had been
+     dispatched a minute before Miss Sharp's arrival; and she handed the
+     articles over to Sir Pitt, who had taken his seat by the fire.
+
+     "'Where's the farden?' says he, 'I gave you three halfpence.
+     Where's the change, old Tinker?'
+
+     "'There,' replied Mrs. Tinker, flinging down the coin, 'it's only
+     baronets as cares about farthings.'
+
+     "'A farthing a day is seven shillings a year,' answered the M.P.,
+     'seven shillings a year is the interest of seven guineas. Take care
+     of your farthings, old Tinker, and your guineas will come quite
+     nat'ral.' ...
+
+     "And so with injunctions to Miss Sharp to be ready at five in the
+     morning, he bade her good night, 'You'll sleep with Tinker
+     to-night,' he said, 'it's a big bed, and there's room for two. Lady
+     Crawley died in it. Good night.'"
+
+He sums up Sir Pitt's character by saying. "He never had a taste,
+emotion or enjoyment, but what was sordid and foul."
+
+Sir Pitt's brother, the Rector of the parish, is represented as being
+almost as abominable as himself, though in a different way--
+
+     "The Reverend Bute Crawley was a tall, stately, shovel-hatted man,
+     far more popular in the county than the Baronet. At College he
+     pulled stroke oar in the Christchurch boat, and had thrashed all
+     the best bruisers of the 'town.' He carried his taste for boxing
+     and athletic exercises into private life, there was not a fight
+     within twenty miles at which he was not present, nor a race, nor a
+     coursing match, nor a regatta, nor a ball, nor an election, nor a
+     visitation dinner, nor indeed a good dinner in the whole county,
+     but he found means to attend it. He had a fine voice, sung 'A
+     Southerly Wind and a Cloudy Sky,' and gave the 'whoop' in chorus
+     with general applause. He rode to hounds in a pepper and salt
+     frock, and was one of the best fishermen in the county."
+
+The following is a sample of the conversation he holds with his wife,
+who, we are told "wrote this worthy Divine's sermons"--
+
+     "'Pitt can't be such an infernal villain as to sell the reversion
+     of the living, and that Methodist milksop of an eldest son looks to
+     Parliament,' continued Mr. Crawley, after a pause.
+
+     "'Sir Pitt will do anything,' said the Rector's wife, 'we must get
+     Miss Crawley to make him promise it, James.'
+
+     "'Pitt will promise anything,' replied the brother, 'he promised
+     he'd pay my college bills, when my father died; he promised he'd
+     build the new wing to the Rectory. And it is to this man's
+     son--this scoundrel, gambler, swindler, murderer, of a Rawdon
+     Crawley, that Matilda leaves the bulk of her money. I say it's
+     unchristian. By Jove it is. The infamous dog has got every vice
+     except hypocrisy, and that belongs to his brother."
+
+     "'Hush, my dearest love! we're in Sir Pitt's grounds,' interposed
+     his wife.
+
+     "'I say he has got every vice, Mrs. Crawley. Don't bully me. Didn't
+     he shoot Captain Marker? Didn't he rob young Lord Dovedale at the
+     Cocoa Tree? Didn't he cross the fight between Bill Soames and the
+     Cheshire Trump by which I lost forty pound? You know he did; and as
+     for women, why you heard that before me, in my own magistrates
+     room--'
+
+     "'For heaven's sake, Mr. Crawley,' said the lady, 'spare me the
+     details.'"
+
+It was in a great measure to this severe sarcasm that Thackeray owed his
+popularity. He justly observes:--
+
+     "My rascals are no milk-and-water rascals, I promise you ... such
+     people there are living in the world, faithless, hopeless,
+     charityless; let us have at them, dear friends, with might and
+     main. Some there are, and very successful too, mere quacks and
+     fools; and it was to combat and expose such as those no doubt, that
+     laughter was made."
+
+But he does not always seem to attribute merriment to this humble and
+unpleasant origin; he produces some passages really meant for enjoyment,
+and doing justice to his gift, attacks frivolities and failings, which
+are not of an important kind. Thus, he speaks in a jocund strain of the
+vanity of "fashionable fiddle-daddle and feeble court slip-slop," and
+exclaims, "Ah, ladies! Ask the Reverend Mr. Thurifer if Belgravia is not
+a sounding brass, and Tyburnia a tinkling cymbal!"
+
+He tells us that "The affection of young ladies is of as rapid a growth
+as Jack's beanstalk, and reaches up to the sky in a night," and in the
+following passage he exhibits the conduct of an amiable and estimable
+girl, when under this fascinating spell--
+
+     "Were Miss Sedley's letters to Mr. Osborn to be published, we
+     should have to extend this novel to such a multiplicity of volumes,
+     as not the most sentimental reader could support; she not only
+     filled large sheets of paper, but crossed them with the most
+     astonishing perverseness, she wrote whole pages out of poetry books
+     without the least pity, the underlined words and passages with
+     quite a frantic emphasis; and in fine gave the usual tokens of her
+     condition. Her letters were full of repetition, she wrote rather
+     doubtful grammar sometimes, and in her verses took all sorts of
+     liberties with the metre."
+
+Speaking of a very religious and medical lady--
+
+     "Pitt had been made to accept Saunders McNitre, Luke Waters, Giles
+     Jowles, Podger's Pills, Rodger's Pills, Pokey's Elixir--every one
+     of her ladyship's remedies, spiritual and temporal. He never left
+     her house without carrying respectfully away with him piles of her
+     quack theology and medicine. O, my dear brethren and
+     fellow-sojourners in Vanity Fair, which among you does not know and
+     suffer under such benevolent despots? It is in vain you say to
+     them, 'Dear madam, I took Podger's specific at your orders last
+     year, and believe in it. Why am I to recant, and accept the
+     Rodger's articles now?' There is no help for it; the faithful
+     proselytizer, if she cannot convince by argument, bursts into
+     tears, and the recusant finds himself taking down the bolus, and
+     saying 'Well, well, Rodger's be it.'"
+
+A still more alarming attack is thus represented:--
+
+     "Glorvina had flirted with all the marriageable officers, whom the
+     depots of her country afforded, and all the bachelor squires who
+     seemed eligible. She had been engaged to be married a half-score of
+     times in Ireland, besides the clergyman at Bath, who had used her
+     so ill. She had flirted all the way to Madras with the captain and
+     chief-mate of the Ramchunder East Indiaman, and had a season at the
+     Presidency. Everybody admired her; everybody danced with her; but
+     no one proposed that was worth marrying.... Undismayed by forty or
+     fifty previous defeats, Glorvina laid siege to Major Dobbin. She
+     sang Irish melodies at him unceasingly. She asked him so frequently
+     and so pathetically 'Will you come to the bower,' that it is a
+     wonder how any man of feeling could have resisted the invitation.
+     She was never tired of inquiring if 'Sorrow had his young days
+     faded,' and was ready to listen and weep like Desdemona at the
+     stories of his dangers and campaigns. She was constantly writing
+     notes over to him at his house, borrowing his books, and scoring
+     with her great pencil marks such passages of sentiment or humour,
+     as awakened her sympathy. No wonder that public rumour assigned her
+     to him."
+
+In the following, Thackeray is more severe--
+
+     "His wife never cared about being called Lady Newcome. To manage
+     the great house of Hobson brothers and Newcome, to attend to the
+     interests of the enslaved negro: to awaken the benighted Hottentot
+     to a sense of the truth; to convert Jews, Turks, Infidels, and
+     Papists; to arouse the indifferent and often blasphemous mariner;
+     to guide the washerwoman in the right way; to head all the public
+     charities of her sect, and do a thousand secret kindnesses that
+     none knew of; to answer myriads of letters, pension, endless
+     ministers, and supply their teeming wives with continuous
+     baby-linen, to hear preachers daily bawling for hours, and listen
+     untired on her knees, after a long day's labour, while florid
+     rhapsodists belaboured cushions above her with wearisome
+     benedictions; all these things had this woman to do, and for nearly
+     fourscore years she fought her fight womanfully."
+
+This pious lady's residence was a "serious Paradise;"
+
+     "As you entered at the gate gravity fell on you; and decorum
+     wrapped you in a garment of starch. The butcher boy who galloped
+     his horse and cart madly about the adjoining lanes and commons,
+     whistled wild melodies (caught up in abominable play-house
+     galleries) and joked with a hundred cook-maids,--on passing that
+     lodge fell into an undertaker's pace, and delivered his joints and
+     sweetbreads silently at the servant's entrance. The rooks in the
+     elms cawed sermons at morning and evening: the peacocks walked
+     demurely on the terraces; and the guinea-fowls looked more
+     quaker-like than those savoury birds usually do. The lodge-keeper
+     was serious, and a clerk at a neighbouring chapel. The pastors who
+     entered at that gate, and greeted his comely wife and children, fed
+     the little lambkins with tracts. The head-gardener was a Scotch
+     Calvinist, after the strictest order, only occupying himself with
+     the melons and pines provisionally, and until the end of the world,
+     which event, he could prove by infallible calculations was to come
+     off in two or three years at farthest."
+
+In one place, a collision is represented between the old and young
+schools of criticism:
+
+     "The Colonel heard opinions that amazed and bewildered him; he
+     heard that Byron was no great poet, though a very clever man; he
+     heard that there had been a wicked persecution against Mr. Pope's
+     memory and fame, and that it was time to reinstate him; that his
+     favourite, Dr. Johnson, talked admirably, but did not write
+     English; that young Keats was a genius to be estimated in future
+     days with young Raphael; and that a young gentleman of Cambridge,
+     who had lately published two volumes of verses, might take rank
+     with the greatest poets of all. Dr. Johnson not write English! Lord
+     Byron not one of the greatest poets of the world! Sir Walter a poet
+     of the second order! Mr. Pope attacked for inferiority and want of
+     imagination; Mr. Keats, and this young Mr. Tennyson of Cambridge,
+     the chiefs of modern poetic literature? What were these new dicta
+     which Mr. Warrington delivered with a puff of tobacco smoke, to
+     which Mr. Honeyman blandly assented, and Clive listened with
+     pleasure?... With Newcome, the admiration for the literature of the
+     last century was an article of belief, and the incredulity of the
+     young men seemed rank blasphemy. 'You will be sneering at
+     Shakespeare next,' he said, and was silenced, though not better
+     pleased, when his youthful guests told him that Dr. Goldsmith
+     sneered at him too; that Dr. Johnson did not understand him, and
+     that Congreve in his own day, and afterwards, was considered to be,
+     in some points, Shakespeare's superior."
+
+In the next he relapses into his stronger sarcasm--
+
+     "There are no better satires than letters. Take a bundle of your
+     dear friends' letters of ten years back--your dear friend, whom you
+     hate now. Look at a file of your sister's! how you clung to each
+     other until you quarrelled about the twenty pound legacy.... Vows,
+     love promises, confidence, gratitude! how queerly they read after a
+     while.... The best ink for Vanity Fair use would be one that faded
+     utterly in a couple of days, and left the paper clean and blank, so
+     that you might write on it to somebody else."
+
+Again:--
+
+     "Many persons who let lodgings in Brighton have been servants
+     themselves, are retired housekeepers, tradesfolk, and the like.
+     With these surrounding individuals Hannah, treated on a footing of
+     equality, bringing to her mistress accounts of their various goings
+     on; 'how No. 6 was let; how No. 9 had not paid his rent again; how
+     the first floor at 27 had game almost every day, and made-dishes
+     from Mutton's; how the family who had taken Mrs. Bugsby's had left,
+     as usual, after the very first night, the poor little infant
+     blistered all over with bites on its dear little face; how the Miss
+     Leary's were going on shameful with the two young men, actually in
+     their sitting-room, mum, where one of them offered Miss Laura Leary
+     a cigar; how Mrs. Cribb _still_ went cuttin' pounds and pounds of
+     meat off the lodgers' jints, emptying their tea-caddies, actually
+     reading their letters. Sally had been told so by Polly, the Cribb's
+     maid, who was kep', how that poor child was kep,' hearing language
+     perfectly hawful!'"
+
+Thus in all Thackeray's descriptions there is more or less satire. He
+was always making pincushions, into which he was plunging his little
+points of sarcasm, and owing to his confining himself to this kind of
+humour he avoids the common danger of missing his mark. He is
+occasionally liberal of oaths and imprecations, and when any one of his
+characters is offended, he generally relieves his feelings by uttering
+"horrid curses." Barnes Newcome sends up "a perfect _feu d'artifice_ of
+oaths." But he is entirely free from indelicacy, and merely elegantly
+shadows forth the Eton form of punishment, as that "which none but a
+cherub can escape." In this respect he seems to have set before him the
+example of Mr. Honeyman, of whom he says he had "a thousand anecdotes,
+laughable riddles and droll stories (of the utmost correctness, you
+understand.)"
+
+Perhaps one of his least successful attempts at humour is a collection
+of fables at the commencement of the Newcomes in which we have
+conversations between a fox, an owl, a wolf in sheep's clothing, and a
+donkey in a lion's skin, and such incongruities as would have shocked
+Aristophanes. His Christmas books depend mostly on the broad caricatures
+with which they are embellished, and upon a large supply of rough
+joking.
+
+Thackeray wrote a work named the "English Humorists," but he omits in it
+all mention of the humour by which his authors were immortalized.
+Certainly the ordinary habits and little foibles of great men are more
+entertaining to the general public than inquiries into the nature of
+their talent, which would only interest those fond of study and
+investigation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+Dickens--Sympathy with the Poor--Vulgarity--Geniality--Mrs.
+  Gamp--Mixture of Pathos and Humour--Lever and Dickens
+  compared--Dickens' power of Description--General Remarks.
+
+
+We shall be paying Hood no undue compliment if we couple his name with
+that of Dickens as betokening the approach of milder and gentler
+sentiments. They were themselves the chief pioneers of the better way.
+Hitherto the poor and uneducated had been regarded with a certain amount
+of contempt; their language and stupidity had formed fertile subjects
+for the coarse ridicule of the humorist. But now a change was in
+progress; broader views were gaining ground, and a time was coming when
+men, notwithstanding the accidents of birth and fortune, should feel
+mutual sympathy, and
+
+  "brothers be for a' that."
+
+With Dickens the poor man was not a mere clown or blockhead; but beneath
+his "hodden gray" often carried good feeling, intelligence, and wit. He
+was rather humorous than ludicrous, and had some dignity of character.
+Since his time, consideration for the poor has greatly increased; we see
+it in the large charitable gifts, which are always increasing--in the
+interest taken in schools and hospitals. Probably the respectable and
+quiet character of the labouring classes has contributed to raise them
+in the estimation of the richer part of the community.
+
+A large portion of English humour is now employed upon so-called
+vulgarity. The modification of feeling with regard to the humbler
+classes has caused changes in the signification of this word. Originally
+derived from "vulgus," the crowd, it meant that roughness of language
+and manner which is found among the less educated. It did not properly
+imply anything culpable, but had a bad sense given it by those who
+considered "gentlemanly" to imply some moral superiority. The worship of
+wealth so caused the signification of this latter word to exceed its
+original reference to high birth, that we now hear people say that there
+are real gentlemen among the poorer classes; and, conversely, we at
+times speak of the vulgarity of the rich, as of their pride,
+impertinence, or affectation--just as Fielding used the word "mob" to
+signify contemptible people of any class. It is evident that some moral
+superiority or deficiency is thus implied. There may be, on the whole,
+some foundation for such distinctions, but they are not so much
+recognised as they were, scarcely at all in the cases of individuals,
+and the provincial accents and false grammar of the poor are more
+amusing than formerly, because we take a kindlier interest in that
+class.
+
+M. Taine does not seem to have exercised his usual penetration when he
+says that English humour "far from agreeable, and bitter in taste, like
+their own beverages, abounds in Dickens. French sprightliness, joy, and
+gaiety is a kind of good wine only grown in the lands of the sun. In its
+insular state it leaves an aftertaste of vinegar. The man who jests here
+is seldom kindly and never happy; he feels and censures the inequalities
+of life." On the contrary, we are inclined to think that French humour
+is fully as severe as English--they have such sayings as that "a man
+without money is a body without blood," and their great wits were not
+generally free from bitterness.
+
+There is little that is personal or offensive in Dickens. It is said
+that he was threatened with a prosecution for producing the character of
+Squeers, but in general his puppets are too artificial to excite any
+personal resentment. There are evidently set up merely to be knocked
+down. Few would identify themselves with Heap or Scrooge, and although
+the moral taught is appreciated by all, no class is hit, but only men
+who seem to be preeminent in churlishness or villainy. Dickens is
+remarkable for his gentleness whenever his humour touches the poor, and
+while he makes amusement out of their simplicity and ignorance, he
+throws in some sterling qualities. They often form the principal
+characters in his books, and there is nearly always in them something
+good-natured and sympathetic. Sam Weller is a pleasant fellow, so is
+Boots at the Holly Tree Inn. Mrs. Jarley, who travels about to fairs
+with wax-works, is a kindly and hospitable old party. She asks Nell and
+her grandfather to take some refreshment--
+
+     "The grandfather humbly pulled off his hat and thanked her. The
+     lady of the caravan then bade him come up the stairs, but the drum
+     proving an inconvenient table for two, they descended again and sat
+     upon the grass, where she handed down to them the tea-tray, the
+     bread and butter, the knuckle of ham, and in short everything of
+     which she had partaken herself, except the bottle which she had
+     already embraced an opportunity of slipping into her pocket.
+
+     "'Set 'em out near the hind wheels, child, that's the best place,'
+     said their friend superintending the arrangements from above. 'Now
+     hand up the tea-pot for a little more hot water, and a pinch of
+     fresh tea, and then both of you eat and drink as much as you can,
+     and don't spare anything; that's all I ask you.'
+
+     "While they were thus engaged the lady of the caravan alighted on
+     the earth, and with her hands clasped behind her, and her large
+     bonnet trembling excessively, walked up and down in a measured
+     tread and very stately manner surveying the caravan from time to
+     time with an air of calm delight and deriving particular
+     gratification from the red panels and brass knocker. When she had
+     taken this gentle exercise for some time, she sat down upon the
+     steps and called 'George,' whereupon a man in a carter's frock, who
+     had been so shrouded in a hedge up to this time as to see
+     everything that passed without being seen himself, parted the twigs
+     that concealed him and appeared in a sitting attitude supporting on
+     his legs a baking dish, and a half gallon stone bottle, and bearing
+     in his right hand a knife, and in his left a fork.
+
+     "'Yes, missus,' said George.
+
+     "'How did you find the cold pie, George?'
+
+     "'It worn't amiss, mum.'
+
+     "'And the beer?' said the lady of the caravan with an appearance of
+     being more interested in this question than the last, 'is it
+     passable, George?'
+
+     "'It's more flatterer than it might be,' George returned, 'but it
+     a'nt so bad for all that.'
+
+     "To set the mind of his mistress at rest, he took a sip (amounting
+     in quantity to a pint or thereabouts) from the stone bottle, and
+     then smacked his lips, winked his eye, and nodded his head. No
+     doubt with the same amiable desire he immediately resumed his knife
+     and fork as a practical assurance that the beer had wrought no bad
+     effect upon his appetite.
+
+     "The lady of the caravan looked on approvingly for some time and
+     then said,
+
+     "'Have you nearly finished?'
+
+     "Wery nigh, mum,' and indeed after scraping the dish all round with
+     his knife and carrying the choice brown morsels to his mouth, and
+     after taking such a scientific pull at the stone bottle that, by
+     degrees almost imperceptible to the sight, his head went farther
+     and farther back until he lay nearly at his full length upon the
+     ground, this gentleman declared himself quite disengaged, and came
+     forth from his retreat.
+
+     "'I hope I haven't hurried you, George,' said his mistress, who
+     appeared to have a great sympathy with his late pursuit.
+
+     "'If you have,' returned the fellow, wisely reserving himself for
+     any favourable contingency, 'we must make it up next time, that's
+     all.'"
+
+Mrs. Gamp has a touch of sympathy in her exuberance. Contemplating going
+down to the country with the Dickens' company of actors, she tells us--
+
+     "Which Mrs. Harris's own words to me was these, 'Sairey Gamp,' she
+     says, 'why not go to Margate? Srimps,' says that dear creetur, 'is
+     to your liking. Sairey, why not go to Margate for a week, bring
+     your constitution up with srimps, and come back to them loving arts
+     as knows and wallies you, blooming? Sairey,' Mrs. Harris says,
+     'you are but poorly. Don't denige it, Mrs. Gamp, for books is in
+     your looks. You must have rest. Your mind,' she says, 'is too
+     strong for you; it gets you down and treads upon you, Sairey. It is
+     useless to disguige the fact--the blade is a wearing out the
+     sheets.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'I could not undertake to
+     say, and I will not deceive you ma'am, that I am not the woman I
+     could wish to be. The time of worrit as I had with Mrs. Colliber,
+     the baker's lady, which was so bad in her mind with her first, that
+     she would not so much as look at bottled stout, and kept to gruel
+     through the month, has agued me, Mrs. Harris. But, ma'am,' I says
+     to her, 'talk not of Margate, for if I do go anywhere it is
+     elsewheres, and not there.' 'Sairey,' says Mrs. Harris solemn,
+     'whence this mystery? If I have ever deceived the hardest-working,
+     soberest, and best of women, mention it.' ... 'Mrs. Harris, then,'
+     I says, 'I have heard as there is an expedition going down to
+     Manjester and Liverpool a playacting, If I goes anywhere for change
+     it is along with that.' Mrs. Harris clasps her hands, and drops
+     into a chair, 'And have I lived to hear,' she says, 'of Sairey
+     Gamp, as always kept herself respectable, in company with
+     play-actors.' 'Mrs. Harris,' I says to her, 'be not alarmed, not
+     reg'lar play-actors--hammertoors.' 'Thank Evans!' says Mrs. Harris,
+     and bustizes into a flood of tears,"
+
+Dickens saw with Hood the power to be obtained by uniting pathos with
+humour. Such an intermixture at first appears inharmonious, but in
+reality produces sweet music. There is something corresponding to the
+course of external nature with its light and shade its sunshine and
+showers, in this melancholy chased away by mirth, and joy merging into
+sadness. Here, Dickens has held up the mirror, and shown a bright
+reflection of the outer world. Out of many choice specimens, we may
+select the following from the speech of the Cheap Jack--
+
+     "'Now, you country boobies,' says I, feeling as if my heart was a
+     heavy weight at the end of a broken sash-line, 'I give you notice
+     that I am going to charm the money out of your pockets, and to give
+     you so much more than your money's worth that you'll only persuade
+     yourselves to draw your Saturday-night's wages ever again
+     afterwards, by the hopes of meeting me to lay 'em out with, which
+     you never will; and why not? Because I've made my fortune by
+     selling my goods on a large scale for seventy-five per cent less
+     than I give for them, and I am consequently to be elevated to the
+     House of Peers next week by the title of the Duke of Cheap, and
+     Markis Jack-a-looral."
+
+He puts up a lot and after recommending it with all his eloquence
+pretends to knock it down--
+
+     "As there had been no bid at all, everybody looked about and
+     grinned at everybody, while I touched little Sophy's face (he was
+     holding her in his arms) and asked her if she felt faint or giddy.
+     'Not very, father; it will soon be over.' Then turning from the
+     pretty patient eyes, which were opened now, and seeing nothing but
+     grins across my lighted greasepot. I went on again in my cheap Jack
+     style. 'Where's the butcher?' (my mournful eye had just caught
+     sight of a fat young butcher on the outside of the crowd) 'She says
+     the good luck is the butcher's, where is he?' Everybody handed over
+     the blushing butcher to the front, and there was a roar, and the
+     butcher felt himself obliged to put his hand in his pocket and take
+     the lot. The party so picked out in general does feel obliged to
+     take the lot--good four times out of six. Then we had another lot
+     the counterpart of that one and sold it sixpence cheaper, which is
+     always very much enjoyed. Then we had the spectacles. It ain't a
+     special profitable lot, but I put 'em on, and I see what the
+     Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to take off the taxes, and I
+     see what the sweetheart of the young woman in the shawl is doing at
+     home, and I see what the Bishops has got for dinner, and a deal
+     more that seldom fails to fetch up their spirits, and the better
+     their spirits the better they bids. Then we had the ladies'
+     lot--the tea-pots, tea-caddy, glass sugar-basin, half-a-dozen
+     spoons, and caudle cup--and all the time I was making similar
+     excuses to give a look or two, and say a word or two to my poor
+     child. It was while the second ladies' lot was holding 'em
+     enchained that I felt her lift herself a little on my shoulder to
+     look across the dark street. 'What troubles you darling?' 'Nothing
+     troubles me, father, I am not at all troubled. But don't I see a
+     pretty churchyard over there?' 'Yes, my dear.' 'Kiss me twice, dear
+     father, and lay me down to rest upon that churchyard grass, so soft
+     and green.' I staggered back into the cart with her head dropped on
+     my shoulder, and I says to her mother, 'Quick, shut the door! Don't
+     let those laughing people see.' 'What's the matter?' she cries, 'O
+     woman, woman,' I tells her, 'you'll never catch my little Sophy by
+     her hair again, for she has flown away from you.'"
+
+Dickens' strongest characters, and those he loved most to paint, are
+such as contain foibles and eccentricities, or much dulness and
+ignorance in conjunction with the best feelings and intentions, so that
+his teaching seems rather to be that we should look beyond mere external
+trifles. Those he attacks are mostly middle-class people, or those
+slightly below them--the dogs in office, and the dogs in the manger. The
+artifice and cunning of the waiter of the Hotel at Yarmouth, where
+little Copperfield awaits the coach, is excellently represented.
+
+     "The waiter brought me some chops and vegetables, and took the
+     covers off in such a bouncing manner, that I was afraid I must have
+     given him some offence. But he greatly relieved my mind by putting
+     a chair for me at the table, and saying very affably 'Now sixfoot
+     come on!'
+
+     "I thanked him and took my seat at the board; but found it
+     extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like
+     dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy, while he
+     was standing opposite, staring so hard, and making me blush in the
+     most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye. After watching me
+     into the second chop, he said:
+
+     "There's half a pint of ale for you, will you have it now?'
+
+     "I thanked him and said 'Yes'--upon which he poured it out of a jug
+     into a large tumbler, and held it up against the light and made it
+     look beautiful.
+
+     "'My eye!' he said 'It seems a good deal, don't it.'
+
+     "'It does seem a good deal,' I answered with a smile, for it was
+     quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant. He was a
+     twinkling-eyed, purple-faced man, with his hair standing upright
+     all over his head; and as he stood with one arm akimbo, holding up
+     the glass to the light, with one hand he looked quite friendly.
+
+     "'There was a gentleman here yesterday,' he said, 'a stout
+     gentleman by the name of Topsawyer, perhaps you know him?'
+
+     "'No,' I said, I don't think--
+
+     "'In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey coat, speckled
+     choker,' said the waiter.
+
+     "'No,' I said bashfully, 'I hav'n't the pleasure--'
+
+     "'He came here,' said the waiter, looking at the light through the
+     tumbler, 'ordered a glass of this ale, _would_ order it, I told him
+     not--drank it, and fell dead. It was too old for him. It oughtn't
+     to be drawn, that's the fact.'
+
+     "I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident, and
+     said I thought I had better have some water. 'Why, you see,' said
+     the waiter, looking at the light through the tumbler with one of
+     his eyes shut, 'our people don't like things being ordered and
+     left. It offends them. But I'll drink it, if you like. I'm used to
+     it, and use is everything. I don't think it will hurt me if I throw
+     my head back and take it off quick; shall I?'
+
+     "I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it, if he
+     thought he could do it safely, but by no means otherwise. When he
+     did throw his head back and take it off quick, I had a horrible
+     fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented
+     Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it did not hurt
+     him. On the contrary. I thought he seemed the fresher for it. 'What
+     have we got here?' he said, putting a fork into my dish. 'Not
+     chops?'
+
+     "'Chops.' I said.
+
+     "'Lord bless my soul,' he exclaimed, 'I didn't know they were
+     chops. Why, a chop's the very thing to take off the bad effect of
+     that beer. Ain't it lucky?'
+
+     "So he took a chop by the bone in one hand and a potato in the
+     other, and ate away with a very good appetite to my extreme
+     satisfaction. He afterwards took another chop and another potato,
+     and after that another chop and another potato. When we had done he
+     brought me a pudding, and having set it before me seemed to
+     ruminate, and to be absent in his mind for some moments.
+
+     "'How's the pie?' he said, rousing himself.
+
+     "'It's a pudding,' I made answer.
+
+     "'Pudding,' he exclaimed, 'why, bless me, so it is. What?' looking
+     nearer at it, 'you don't mean to say it's a batter pudding!'
+
+     "'Yes, it is indeed.'
+
+     "'Why, a batter pudding,' he said, taking up a tablespoon, 'is my
+     favourite pudding! Aint it lucky? Come on, pitch in, and let's see
+     who'll get most.'
+
+     "The waiter certainly got most. He entreated me more than once to
+     come in and win, but what with his tablespoon to my teaspoon, his
+     dispatch to my dispatch, and his appetite to my appetite I was left
+     far behind at the first mouthful, and had no chance with him."
+
+We are all sufficiently familiar with the vast amount and variety of
+humour with which Dickens enriched his writings. It is not aphoristic,
+but flows along in a light sparkling stream. This is what we should
+expect from a man who wrote so much and so rapidly. His thoughts did not
+concentrate and crystallize into a few sharply cut expressions, and he
+has left us scarcely any sayings which will live as "household words."
+Moreover, in his bold style of writing he sought to produce effects by
+broad strokes and dashes--not afraid of an excess of caricature, from
+which he left his readers to deduct the discount. Taine says he was "too
+mad." But he was daring, and cared little for the risk of being
+ludicrous, providing he escaped the certainty of being dull. He was not
+afraid of improbabilities, any more than his contemporary Lever was, and
+owing to this they both now seem somewhat old-fashioned. Lever here
+exceeded Dickens, and his course was different; his plan was to sow a
+few seeds of extravagant falsehood, whence he would raise a wonderful
+efflorescence of ludicrous circumstances. For instance, he makes a
+General Count de Vanderdelft pay a visit to the Dodd family, and bring
+them an invitation from the King of Belgium. Great preparations are of
+course made by the ladies for so grand an occasion. The day arrives, and
+they have to travel in their full dress in second and third class
+carriages. They arrive a little late, but make their way to the Royal
+Pavilion. Here, while in great suspense, they meet the General, who says
+he was afraid he should have missed them.
+
+     "'We've not a minute to lose,' cried he, drawing Mary Ann's arm
+     within his own. 'If Leopold sits down to table, I can't present
+     you.'
+
+     "The General made his way through the crowd until he reached a
+     barrier, where two men were standing taking tickets. He demanded
+     admission, and on being refused, exclaimed, 'These scullions don't
+     know me--this canaille never heard my name.' With these words the
+     General kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary
+     Ann, flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, 'Take
+     them in flank--sabre them--every man--no prisoners--no quarter.' At
+     this juncture two big men in grey coats burst through the crowd and
+     laid hands on the General, who, it seems, had escaped a week before
+     from a mad-house in Ghent."
+
+The basis of all this is far too improbable, but there was a temptation
+to construct a very good story upon it.
+
+But Dickens builds upon much firmer ground, and is only fantastic in the
+superstructure. This is certainly an improvement, and we admire his
+genius most when he controls its flight, and when his caricatures are
+less grotesque. I take the following from "Nicholas Niekleby," Chapter
+II.
+
+     "Although a few members of the graver professions live about Golden
+     Square, it is not exactly in anybody's way to or from anywhere....
+     It is a great resort of foreigners. The dark complexioned men, who
+     wear large rings, and heavy watchguards, and bushy whiskers, and
+     who congregate under the opera colonnade, and about the box-office
+     in the season, between four and five in the afternoon, when they
+     give orders--all live in Golden Square, or within a street of it.
+     Two or three violins and a wind instrument from the opera band
+     reside within its precincts. Its boarding-houses are musical, and
+     the notes of pianos and harps float in the evening-time round the
+     head of the mournful statue, the guardian genius of a little
+     wilderness of shrubs, in the centre of the Square.... Street bands
+     are on their mettle in Golden Square; and itinerant glee-singers
+     quaver involuntarily as they raise their voices within its
+     boundaries....
+
+     "Some London houses have a melancholy little plot of ground behind
+     them, usually fenced in by four white-washed walls, and frowned
+     upon by stacks of chimneys, in which there withers on from year to
+     year a crippled tree, that makes a show of putting forth a few
+     leaves late in Autumn, when other trees shed theirs, and drooping
+     in the effort, lingers on all crackled and smoke-dried till the
+     following season, when it repeats the same process; and perhaps, if
+     the weather be particularly genial, even tempts some rheumatic
+     sparrow to chirp in its branches."
+
+In the next chapter there is a description of the house of a humble
+votary of the arts.
+
+     "A miniature painter lived there, for there was a large gilt frame
+     screwed upon the street-door, in which were displayed, upon a black
+     velvet ground, two portraits of naval dress, coats with faces
+     looking out of them, and telescopes attached; one of a young
+     gentleman in a very vermilion uniform flourishing a sabre; and one
+     of a literary character with a high forehead, a pen and ink, six
+     books, and a curtain. There was, moreover, a touching
+     representation of a young lady reading a manuscript in an
+     unfathomable forest, and a charming whole length of a large-headed
+     little boy, sitting on a stool with his legs foreshortened to the
+     size of salt-spoons. Besides these works of art, there were a great
+     many heads of old ladies and gentlemen smirking at each other out
+     of blue and brown skies, and an elegantly written card of terms
+     with an embossed border."
+
+When Mr. Crummles, the stage-manager, urges his old pony along the road,
+the following conversation takes place:--
+
+     "'He's a good pony at bottom,' said Mr. Crummles, turning to
+     Nicholas. He might have been at bottom, but he certainly was not at
+     top, seeing that his coat was of the roughest, and most
+     ill-favoured kind. So Nicholas merely observed that he shouldn't
+     wonder if he was. 'Many and many is the circuit this pony has
+     gone,' said Mr. Crummles, flicking him skilfully on the eyelid, for
+     old acquaintance sake. 'He is quite one of us. His mother was on
+     the stage.'
+
+     "'Was she?' rejoined Nicholas.
+
+     "'She ate apple-pie at circus for upwards of fourteen years,' said
+     the Manager, 'fired pistols, and went to bed in a night-cap; and in
+     short, took the low comedy entirely. His father was an actor.'
+
+     "'Was he at all distinguished?'
+
+     "'Not very,' said the Manager. 'He was rather a low sort of pony.
+     The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out by the day, and he
+     never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama,
+     too, but too broad, too broad. When the mother died he took the
+     port wine business.'
+
+     "'The port wine business?' cried Nicholas.
+
+     "'Drinking port wine with the clown,' said the Manager; 'but he was
+     greedy and one night bit off the bowl of the glass and choked
+     himself, so his vulgarity was the death of him at last.'"
+
+It is greatly to the credit of Dickens that although he wrote so much
+and salted so freely, he never approached any kind of impropriety. The
+only weak point in his humour is that he borrows too much from his
+imagination, and too little from reality.
+
+I trust that those who have accompanied me through the chapters of this
+work, will have been able to trace a gradual amelioration in humour. We
+have seen it from age to age running parallel with the history, and
+varying with the mental development of the times, rising and falling in
+fables, demonology, word-coining and coarseness, and I hope we may add
+in practical joking and coxcombry.
+
+The remaining chapters will draw conclusions from our general survey.
+There can be little doubt that humour cannot be studied in any country
+better than in our own. The commercial character of England, and its
+connection with many nations whose feelings are intermingled in our
+minds as their blood is in our veins, are favourable for the development
+of fancy and of the finest kinds of wit, while the moderate Government
+under which we live, tends in the same direction. Humour may have
+germinated in the darkness of despotism, among the discontented subjects
+of Dionysius or under "the tyranny tempered by epigrams," of Louis XIV.,
+but it failed, under such conditions to obtain a full expression, and
+although it has revelled and run riot under republican governments, it
+has always tended in them to coarse and personal vituperation. The
+fairest blossoms of pleasantry thrive best where the sun is not strong
+enough to scorch, nor the soil rank enough to corrupt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+Variation--Constancy--Influence of Temperament--Of
+  Observation--Bulls--Want of Knowledge--Effects of Emotion--Unity of
+  the Sense of the Ludicrous.
+
+
+As every face in the world is different, so no two minds are exactly
+similar, although there is great uniformity in the perceptions of the
+senses and still more in our primary innate ideas. The variety lies in
+the one case, in the finer lines and expressions of the countenance, and
+in the other in those delicate shades and combinations of feeling which
+are influenced more or less by memory, reflection, imagination, by
+experience, education and temperament, by taste, morality, and religion.
+
+It was no doubt the view of this great diversity of thought that led
+Quintilian to say that "the topics from which jests may be elicited are
+not less numerous than those from which thoughts may be derived!"
+Herbert writes to the same purpose--
+
+  "All things are full of jest; nothing that's plain
+  But may be witty, if thou hast the vein."
+
+But we are not in the vein except sometimes, and under peculiar
+circumstances, so that, practically, few sayings are humorous.
+
+It is more difficult to assert that there are any jests which would be
+appreciated by all. The statement that "some phases of life must stir
+humour in any man of sanity," is probably too wide. There is little of
+this universality in the ludicrous, but we shall have some reason for
+thinking that there is a certain constancy in the mental feeling which
+awakens it. It is also fixed with regard to each individual. If we had
+sufficient knowledge, we could predict exactly whether a man would be
+amused at a certain story, and we sometimes say "Tell that to Mr. ----
+it will amuse him." But if his nature were not so disposed, no exertions
+on his part or ours could make him enjoy it. The ludicrous is dependent
+upon feelings or circumstances, but not upon the will. It is peculiarly
+involuntary as those know who have tried to smother a laugh. The utmost
+advance we can make towards making ourselves mirthful is by changing our
+circumstances. It is said that if a man were to look at people dancing
+with his ears stopped, the figures moving without accompaniment would
+seem ludicrous to him, but his merriment would not be great because he
+would know the strangeness he observed was not real but caused by his
+own intentional act. We may say that for a thing to appear ludicrous to
+a man which does not seem so at present, he must change the character of
+his mind.
+
+There is another kind of constancy which should here be noticed. Some
+humorous sayings survive for long periods, and occasionally are adopted
+in foreign countries. In some cases they have immortalized a name, in
+others we know not who originated them, or to whom they first referred.
+They seem to be the production, as they are the heritage, not of man but
+of humanity. It is essential to the permanence of humour that it should
+refer to large classes, and awaken emotions common to many. If Socrates
+and Xantippe, the philosopher and the shrew, had not represented
+classes, and an ordinary connection in life, we should have been little
+amused at their differences.[16]
+
+Having mentioned these few first aspects in which humour is constant, we
+now come to the wider field of its variation. It may be said to vary
+with the age, with the century, with classes of society, with the time
+of life, nay, it has been asserted, with the very hours of the day! The
+simplest mode in which we can demonstrate this character of humour is to
+consider some of those things which although amusing to others are not
+so to us, and those which amuse us, but not others; we sometimes regard
+as ludicrous what is intended to be humorous, sometimes on the other
+hand we view as humorous what is seriously meant, and sometimes we take
+gravely what is intended to be amusing.
+
+A man may make what he thinks to be a jest, and be neither humorous nor
+ludicrous, and a man may cause others to laugh without being one or the
+other; for what he says may be amusing, although he does not intend it
+to be so, or he may be merely relating some actual occurrence.
+Occasionally, there is some doubt as to whether we regard things as
+ludicrous or humorous. This is seen in some proverbs.
+
+But the most common and strongly marked instances of variation are where
+what is seriously taken by one person is regarded as ludicrous by
+another. Thus the conception of the qualities desirable in public
+speaking are very different on this side to the Atlantic from what they
+are on the other, and what appears to us to partake of the ludicrous,
+seems to them to be only grand, effective, and appropriate. "In
+patriotic eloquence," says a U.S. journal, "our American stump-speakers
+beat the world. They don't stand up and prose away so as to put an
+audience to sleep, after the lazy genteel aristocratic style of British
+Parliamentary speech-making." This boast is certainly just. There is a
+vigour about the popular style of American oratory that we are sure has
+never been equalled in the British Parliament. A paper of the interior
+in paying a glowing tribute to the eloquence of the Fourth of July
+orator who officiated in the town where the journal is published,
+says--"Although he had a platform ten feet square to orate upon, he got
+so fired up with patriotism that it wasn't half big enough to hold him:
+his fist collided three times with the President of the day, besides
+bunging the eye of the reader of the Declaration, and every person on
+the stage left it limping." Such a style of oratory would leave durable
+impressions, and be felt as well as heard.
+
+It cannot be doubted that our mental state, whether temporary or
+habitual, exercises a great influence over us in regard to humour.
+Temperament must modify all our emotional feelings, some are naturally
+gay and hilarious, some grave and austere, children laugh from little
+more than exuberance of spirits, and joyousness causes us to seek
+pleasure, to notice ludicrous combinations which would otherwise escape
+us, and renders us sensitive of all humorous impressions. But the cares
+of life have generally the effect of making men grave even where there
+is no lack of imagination. Some have been so serious in mood that it has
+been recorded that they were never known to laugh, as it is said of
+Philip the Third of Spain that he only did so once--on reading Don
+Quixote.
+
+How little attempt at humour is there in most of our literary works!
+True, humour is rather the language of conversation, and we may expect
+it as little in writing, as we do sentiment in society. But even in its
+own special province it is lacking, there is generally in our festive
+gatherings more of what is dull than of what is playful and pleasant.
+Perhaps our cloudy skies may have some influence--it is impossible to
+doubt that climate affects the mental disposition of nations. The
+natives of Tahiti in their soft southern isle are gay and
+laughter-loving; the Arab of the desert is fierce and warlike, and
+seldom condescends to smile. Sydney Smith said "it would require a
+surgical operation to get a joke into the understanding of a Scotchman;"
+but the Irishman in his mild variable climate is ready to be witty under
+all circumstances. Floegel, writing in Germany, observes that "humour is
+not a fruit to be gathered from every bough; you can find a hundred men
+able to draw tears for every one that can raise a laugh."
+
+There is also a great difference between individuals in this respect.
+Some are naturally bright and jocund, and others are misanthropic and
+manufacture out of very trite materials a sort of snap-dragon wit, which
+flares up in an instant, is as soon out, and generally burns somebody's
+fingers. It may be urged on the contrary that many celebrated wits as
+Mathews, Leech, and others, have been melancholy men. But despondency is
+often found in an excitable temperament which is not unfavourable to
+humour, for the man who is unduly depressed at one moment is likely to
+be immoderately elated at another. Old Hobbes was of opinion that
+laughter arose from pride, upon which Addison remarked that according to
+that theory, if we heard a man laugh, instead of saying that he was very
+merry, we should say that he was very proud. We have already observed
+that some men are disinclined to laugh because they are of an earnest
+turn of mind, constantly pondering upon their affairs and the
+possibility of transforming a shilling into a pound. Such are those to
+whom Carlyle referred when he said that "the man who cannot laugh is
+only fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils." But there are a few
+persons who follow Lord Chesterfield in systematically suppressing this
+kind of demonstration. They think it derogatory, and in them pride is
+antagonistic to humour. A man who is free and easy and talkative, gains
+in one direction what he loses in another. We love him as a frank,
+genial fellow, but can never regard him with any great reverence.
+Laughter seems to bespeak a simple docile nature, such as those who
+assume to rule the world are not willing to have the credit of
+possessing. It belongs more to the fool than to the rogue, to those who
+follow than to those who lead. Eminent men do not intentionally avoid
+laughter; they are not inclined to it; and there are some, who, from
+being generally of a profound and calculating turn of mind are not given
+to any exhibition of emotion. It has been said that Diogenes never
+laughed, and the same has been asserted of Swift. And although we may
+safely conclude that these statements were not literally true, there was
+probably some foundation for them. No doubt they appreciated humour, but
+their minds were earnest and ambitious. Moreover, great wits are
+accustomed to the character of their own humour, and are often merely
+repeating what they have heard or said frequently.
+
+Nature has endowed few men with two gifts, and emotional joyousness and
+high intellectual culture form a rare combination, such as was found in
+Goldsmith with his hearty laughter, and in Macaulay, who tells us that
+he laughed at Mathews' comic performance "until his sides were sore."
+Bishop Warburton said that humorists were generally men of learning, but
+although those who were so would have been most prominent, we scarcely
+find the name of one of them in the course of these volumes; many of
+those mentioned sprang from the humbler paths of life, but all were men
+of study. Still those who are altogether unable to enjoy a joke are men
+of imperfect sympathies.
+
+Charles Lamb observes that in a certain way the character, even of a
+ludicrous man, is attractive--"The more laughable blunders a man shall
+commit in your company, the more tests he gives you that he will not
+betray or over-reach you. And take my word for this, reader, and say a
+fool told it you, if you please, that he who hath not a dram of folly in
+his mixture, hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition. What
+are commonly the world's received fools, but such whereof the world is
+not worthy?"
+
+We have intimated that our sense of the ludicrous varies in accordance
+with memory, imagination, observation, and association. The minds of
+some are so versatile, and so richly endowed with intellectual gifts,
+that their ideas sparkle and coruscate, they splinter every ray of light
+into a thousand colours, and produce all kinds of strange juxtapositions
+and combinations. (This exuberance has probably led to the seemingly
+contradictory saying that men of sentiment are generally men of humour.)
+No doubt their sallies would be poor and appreciated by themselves alone
+were they without a certain foundation, but a vast number of things are
+capable of affording amusement. Pleasantries often turn upon something
+much more difficult to define than to feel--upon some nicety of regard,
+or neatness of proportion. No interchange of ideas can take place
+without much beyond the letter being understood, and very much depends
+upon variety of delicate significations. Words are as variable and
+relative as thought, differing with time and place--a few constantly
+dropping out of use, some understood in one age, but conveying no
+distinct idea in another, and not calling up exactly the same
+associations in different individuals. We cannot, therefore, agree with
+Addison that translation may be considered a sure test for
+distinguishing between genuine and spurious humour--although it would
+detect mere puns. Voltaire says of Hudibras, "I have never met with so
+much wit in one book as in this--who would believe that a work which
+paints in such lively and natural colours the several foibles and
+frolics of mankind, and where we meet with more sentiment than words,
+should baffle the endeavours of the ablest translator?" But any
+alteration of words would generally destroy humour. "To go to the
+crows," was a good and witty expression in ancient Greece, but it does
+not signify anything to us, except, perhaps, climbing trees. When we
+wish a man to be devoured, we tell him to "go to the dogs." Even the
+flow and sound of words sometimes has great influence in humour.
+
+Association has also considerable effect. Owing to this little boys at
+school are rarely able to laugh at a Greek joke. We consider that to
+call a man an ass is a reproach, but in the East in bewailing a lost
+friend they frequently exclaim, "Alas, my jackass!" for they do not
+associate the animal with stupidity, but with patience and usefulness.
+These differences show that the essence of some humour is so fugitive
+that the smallest change will destroy it. We may well suppose,
+therefore, that it escapes many who have not quick perceptions, while
+we find that everyone more keenly appreciates that which relates to some
+subject with which he is specially conversant--a lawyer enjoys a legal,
+a broker a commercial joke. Hence women, taking more interest than men
+in the general concerns of life and in a great variety of things, are
+more given to mirth--their mind reflects the world, that of men only one
+line in it. We see in society how much more quickly some persons
+understand an obscure allusion than others--some from natural
+penetration, some from familiarity with the subject. There are those who
+cannot enjoy any joke which they do not make themselves. Some cannot
+guess the simplest riddle, while others could soon detect the real
+nature of a cherry coloured cat with rose-coloured feet.
+
+Observation is necessary for all criticism, especially of that kind
+often found in humour. As an instance of humour being unappreciated for
+lack of it, I may mention that Beattie considers the well known passage
+of Gray to be parodied poetically, but not humorously, in the following
+lines upon a country curate--
+
+  "Bread was his only food; his drink the brook;
+  So small a salary did his rector send,
+  He left his laundress all he had--a book,
+  He found in death, 'twas all he wished--a friend."
+
+Most people would think that this was intended to be humorous. It
+struck me so--the "book" was evidently his washing book--and on turning
+to the original poem I found that the other stanzas were not at all of a
+serious complexion. The assistance given by imagination to humour is
+clearly seen, when after some good saying laughter recurs several times,
+as new aspects of the situation suggested present themselves.
+
+Circumstances of time and country greatly modify our modes of thought,
+and a vast amount of humour has thus become obscure, not only for want
+of information, but because things are not viewed in the same light.
+Beattie observes that Shakespeare's humour will never be adequately
+relished in France nor Moliere's in England.[17]
+
+The inquiry in the present chapter is not as to what creates the
+ludicrous, but as to what tends to vivify or obscure it. We shall not
+here attempt any surmises as to its essential nature, although we trace
+the conditions necessary to its due appreciation. A great number of
+things pass unnoticed every day both in circumstances and conversation,
+in which the ludicrous might be detected by a keen observer. The
+following is not a bad instance of an absurd statement being
+unconsciously made--
+
+     "One day when walking in the Black Country the Bishop of Lichfield
+     saw a number of miners seated on the ground, and went to speak to
+     them. On asking them what they were doing, he was told they had
+     been 'loyin.' The Bishop, much dismayed, asked for an explanation.
+     'Why, you see,' said one of the men, 'one of us fun' a kettle, and
+     we have been trying who can tell the biggest lie to ha' it.' His
+     lordship, being greatly shocked, began to lecture them and to tell
+     them that lying was a great offence, and that he had always felt
+     this so strongly that he had never told a lie in the whole course
+     of his life. He had scarcely finished, when one of the hearers
+     exclaimed, 'Gie the governor the kettle; gie the governor the
+     kettle!'"
+
+Under the head of unconscious absurdities may be classed what are
+commonly called "bulls," implying like the French "_betise_" so great a
+deficiency of observation as to approach a kind of brutish stupidity
+only worthy of the lower animals. A man could not be charged with such
+obtuseness if he were only ignorant of some philosophical truth, or even
+of a fact commonly known, or if his mistake were clearly from
+inadvertence. I have heard the question asked "Which is it more correct
+to say. Seven and five _is_ eleven, or seven and five _are_ eleven?" and
+if a man reply hastily "_Are_ is the more correct," he could not be
+charged with having made a "bull," any more than if a boy had made a
+mistake in a sum of addition or subtraction. If a foreigner says "I have
+got to-morrow's Times," we do not consider it a bull because he is
+ignorant that he should have said "yesterday's," and a person who does
+not understand Latin may be excused for saying "Under existing
+circumstances," perhaps long usage justifies the expression. For this
+reason, and also because no dulness is implied, we may safely say "the
+sun sets," or "the sun has gone in." To constitute a bull, there must be
+something glaringly self-contradictory in the statement. But every
+observation containing a contradiction does not show dulness of
+apprehension, but often talent and ingenuity. Poetry and humour are much
+indebted to such expressions--thus the old Greek writers often call
+offerings made to the dead "a kindness which is no kindness," and Horace
+speaks of "discordant harmony" and "active idleness." Some other
+contradictions are humorous, and most bulls would be so were they made
+purposely.[18] A genuine bull is never intentional. But few people would
+plead guilty to having shown bovine stupidity. They would shelter
+themselves under some of the various exceptions--perhaps explain that
+they attach a different meaning to the words, and that so the
+expressions are not so very incorrect, and all that could generally be
+proved against a man would be that he had used words in unaccustomed
+senses. Thus what appears to one person to be a "bull" seems a correct
+expression to another. I remember an Irishman telling me that in his
+country they had the finest climate in the world, and on my replying
+"Yes, I believe you have very little frost or snow," he rejoined "Oh,
+plinty, sir, plinty of frost and snow--but frost and snow is not cold in
+Ireland." He was quite serious--intended no joke. He evidently used the
+term "cold," not only in reference to temperature, but also to the
+amount of discomfort usually suffered from it. And that it may sometimes
+be used in a metaphorical sense is evident from our expressions "a cold
+heart," "a freezing manner."
+
+Sometimes people would attribute their mistake to inadvertence, and so
+escape from the charge of stupidity implied in a "bull." A friend who
+told me that a Mr. Carter was "a seller of everything, and other things
+besides," would probably have urged this excuse. The writer of the
+following in the "agony" column of a daily paper, "Dear Tom. Come
+immediately if you see this. If not come on Saturday," would contend
+that there was only a slight omission, and that the meaning was
+evidently "if you see this _to-day_." From inadvertence I have heard it
+said in commendation of a celebrated artist, that "he painted dead
+game--to the life." Sir Boyle Roche is said to have exclaimed in a fit
+of enthusiasm "that Admiral Howe would sweep the French fleet off the
+face of the earth."
+
+But it may be urged that there are some observations which no man can
+excuse or account for, and of such a nature that even the person who
+makes them must admit that they are "bulls." Such, for instance, as that
+of the Irishman, who being shown an alarum said, "Oh, sure, I see. I've
+only to pull the string when I want to awake myself." But such sayings
+are not "bulls," only humorous inventions. They represent a greater
+amount of density than any one ever possessed. That the above saying is
+invented, is proved by the simple fact that alarums have no strings to
+pull. In the same way the lines quoted by Lever--
+
+  "Success to the moon, she's a dear noble creature
+  And gives us the daylight all night in the dark,"
+
+did not emanate from a dull, but a clever man.
+
+A "bull" is an imputation of stupidity made by the hearer through the
+inadvertence of the speaker in whose mind there is no contradiction, but
+a want of precision in thought or expression. It is a common error where
+the imagination is stronger than the critical faculty.
+
+The use of cant words renders jests imperfectly intelligible. Greek
+humour was clearer in this respect than that of the present day,
+especially since our vocabulary has been so much enriched from America.
+Puns also restrict the pleasantries dependent on them to one country, no
+great loss perhaps, though the greater part of German humour is thus
+rendered obscure. "Remember," writes Lord Chesterfield, "that the wit,
+humour, and jokes of most companies are local. They thrive in that
+particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting. Every company is
+differently circumstanced, has its peculiar cant and jargon, which may
+give occasion to wit and mirth within the circle, but would seem flat
+and insipid in any other, and therefore will not bear repeating. Nothing
+makes a man look sillier than a pleasantry not relished, or not
+understood, and if he meets with a profound silence when he expected a
+general applause, or what is worse if he is desired to explain the _bon
+mot_, his awkward and embarrassed situation is easier imagined than
+described." But ignorance of the meaning of words, while it destroys one
+kind of amusement sometimes creates another. The mistakes of the deaf
+and of foreigners are often ludicrous. A French gentleman told me that
+on the morning after his arrival in Italy he rang his bell and called
+"_De l'eau chaude_." As he did not seem to be understood he made signs
+to his face, and the waiter nodded and withdrew. It was a long time
+before he reappeared, but when he entered the delay was accounted for,
+as he had been out to purchase a pot of _rouge_!
+
+But mistakes with regard to the meanings of words are not so common as
+with regard to their references. We are often ignorant of the state of
+society, or the manners and customs to which allusion is made. This is
+the reason why so much of the humour of bygone ages escapes us. In
+ancient Greece to call a man a frequenter of baths was an insult, not a
+commendation as it would be at present. With them the class who are "so
+very clean and so very silly" was large, and the golden youth of the
+period, under the pretence of ablution, spent their time in idleness and
+luxury in these "baths"--which corresponded in some respects to our
+clubs. To give an example in modern literature--when Charles Lamb in his
+Life of Liston records that his hero was descended from a Johan
+d'Elistone, who came over with the Conqueror, and was rewarded for his
+prowess with a grant of land at Lupton Magna, many people had so little
+knowledge or insight as to take this humorous invention to be an
+historical fact.
+
+Laughter for want of knowledge is especially manifested among savages,
+when they first come into contact with civilization. A missionary
+relating his experiences among the South Sea islanders observes how much
+he was astonished at their laughing at what seemed to him the most
+ordinary occurrences. This was owing to their utter ignorance of matters
+commonly known to us. He tells us one day when the sailors were boring a
+hole to put a vent peg into a cask, the fermentation caused the porter
+to spirt out upon them. One of them tried in vain to stop it with his
+hand, but it flew through his fingers. Meanwhile a native who stood by
+burst into a fit of immoderate laughter. The sailor, thinking it a
+serious matter to lose so much good liquor, asked him rather angrily why
+he was laughing at the porter running out. "Oh," replied the native,
+"I'm not laughing at its coming out, but at thinking what trouble it
+must have cost you to put it in."
+
+But ignorance has often produced opposite results to these, and caused
+very ludicrous statements to be made seriously. Thus a French Gazette
+reports that "Lord Selkirk arrived in Paris this morning. He is a
+descendant of the famous Selkirk whose adventures suggested to Defoe his
+Robinson Crusoe." Among the various curious and useful items of
+knowledge contained in the "Almanach de Gotha,"--the first number of
+which was published 111 years ago--we find it gravely stated that the
+Manghians of the island of Mindoro are furnished with tails exactly five
+inches in length, and the women of Formosa with beards half a foot long.
+I remember having, upon one occasion, visited the Mammertine prison at
+Rome with a young friend preparing for the army, and his asking me "What
+had St. Peter and St. Paul done to be confined here?" "They were here
+for being Christians," I replied, "Oh, were St. Peter and St. Paul
+Christians? I suppose they were put in prison by these horrid Roman
+Catholics."
+
+We may say generally that any fresh acquisition of knowledge destroys
+one source of amusement and opens another. But if our mental powers were
+to become perfect, which they never will, we should cease to laugh at
+all. Wisdom or knowledge--the study of our own thoughts or of those of
+others--has a tendency to alter our general views, and affects our
+appreciation of humour, even where it affords no special information on
+the subject before us. Upon given premises the conclusions of the highly
+cultivated are different from those of others; and intellectual humour
+is that which generally they enjoy most--finding more pleasure in
+thought than in emotion. No doubt they sometimes appreciate what is
+lighter, especially when a reaction taking place after severe study,
+they feel like children let out to play. But ordinarily they certainly
+appreciate most that rare and subtle humour which inferior minds cannot
+understand. Herbert Spencer is probably correct that "we enjoy that
+humour most at which we laugh least." But we must not conclude from this
+rule that we can at will by repressing our laughter increase our
+pleasure. The statement refers to the cases of different persons or of
+the same person under different circumstances. Rude and uneducated
+people would little feel the humour at which they could not laugh, and
+some grave people entirely miss much that is amusing. "The nervous
+energy," he says, "which would have caused muscular action, is
+discharged in thought," but this presupposes a very sensitive mental
+organization into which the discharge can be made. Where this does not
+exist, laughter accompanies the appreciation of humour, and in silence
+there would be little pleasure. The cause of mirth also differs as the
+persons affected, and the farce which creates a roar in the pit will
+often not raise a smile in the boxes. Swift writes--"Bombast and
+buffoonery, by nature lofty and light, soar highest of all in the
+theatre, and would be lost in the roof, if the prudent architect had
+not contrived for them a fourth place called the twelvepenny gallery and
+there planted a suitable colony." That emotionable ebullition affords a
+lower class less enjoyment than intellectual action gives a higher order
+of mind, must be somewhat uncertain. A thoughtful nature is probably
+happier than an emotional, but it is difficult to compare the pleasure
+derived from intellectual, moral, and sensuous feelings.
+
+It is a common saying that "there is no disputing taste," and in this
+respect we allow every man a certain range. But when he transgresses
+this limit he often becomes ludicrous, especially to those whose tastes
+rather tend in the opposite direction. The strange figure and
+accoutrements of Don Quixote raised great laughter among the gay ladies
+at the inn, and induced the puissant knight-errant to administer to them
+the rebuke "Excessive laughter without cause denotes folly."
+
+A friend of mine, desirous of giving an intellectual treat to the
+rustics in the neighbourhood, announced that a reading of Shakespeare
+would be given in the village schoolroom by a celebrated elocutionist.
+The villagers, attracted by the name, came in large numbers, and laughed
+vociferously at all the pathetic parts, but looked grave at the humour.
+This was, no doubt, partly owing to their habits of life, as well as to
+a want of taste and information. Taste for music, and familiarity with
+the traditional style of the Opera, enable us to enjoy dialogues in
+recitative, but were a man in ordinary conversation to deliver himself
+in musical cadences, or even in rhyme, we should consider him supremely
+ridiculous.
+
+Translations have often exhibited very strange vagaries of taste. Thus,
+Castalio's rendering of "The Song of Solomon" is ludicrous from the use
+of diminutives.
+
+     "Mea columbula, ostende mihi tuum vulticulum.
+     Cerviculam habes Davidicae turris similem--Cervicula quasi eburnea
+         turricula, &c."
+
+Beattie is severe upon Dryden's obtuseness in his translation of the
+"Iliad." "Homer," he says, "has been blamed for degrading his gods into
+mortals, but Dryden has made them blackguards.... If we were to judge of
+the poet by the translator, we should imagine the Iliad to have been
+partly designed for a satire upon the clergy."
+
+Addison observes that the Ancients were not particular about the bearing
+of their similes. "Homer likens one of his heroes, tossing to and fro in
+his bed and burning with resentment, to a piece of flesh broiled on the
+coals." "The present Emperor of Persia," he continues, "conformable to
+the Eastern way of thinking, amidst a great many pompous titles,
+denominates himself the 'Son of Glory,' and 'Nutmeg of Delight.'"
+Eastern nations indulge in this kind of hyperbole, which seems to us
+rather to overstep the sublime, but we cannot be astonished when we read
+in the Zgand-Savai (Golden Tulip) of China, that "no one can be a great
+poet, unless he have the majestic carriage of the elephant, the bright
+eyes of the partridge, the agility of the antelope, and a face rivalling
+the radiance of the full moon."
+
+Reflection is generally antagonistic to humour, just as abstraction of
+mind will prevent our feeling our hands being tickled. Often what was
+intended to amuse, merely produces thought on some social or physical
+question. But the variability of our appreciation of humour, is most
+commonly recognised in the differences of moral feeling. We have often
+heard people say that it is wrong for people to jest on this or that
+subject, or that they will not laugh at such ribaldry. The excitement
+necessary for the enjoyment of humour is then neutralized by deeper
+feelings, and they are perhaps more inclined to sigh than to laugh, or
+the nervous action being entirely dormant, they remain unaffected. But
+not only do people's feelings on various subjects differ in kind and in
+amount, but also in result. The same idea produces different emotions
+in different men, and the same emotion different effects. One man will
+regard an event as insignificant, and will not laugh at it; another will
+consider it important, but still will be unable to keep his countenance,
+where most men would be grave. The experience of daily life teaches us
+that different men act very differently under the same kind of emotion.
+The Ancients laughed at calamities, which would call forth our
+commiseration, their consideration for others not being so great, nor
+their appreciation of suffering so acute. But in the cases of some few
+individuals, and of barbarous nations, we sometimes find at the present
+day instances of the ludicrous seasoned with considerable hostility.
+Floegel tells us that he knew a man in Germany who took especial delight
+in witnessing tortures and executions, and related the circumstances
+attending them with the greatest enjoyment and laughter. In "Two Years
+in Fiji," we read, "Among the appliances which I had brought with me to
+Fiji, from Sydney, were a stethoscope and a scarifier. Nothing was
+considered more witty by those in the secret than to place this
+apparently harmless instrument on the back of some unsuspecting native,
+and touch the spring. In an instant twelve lancets would plunge into
+the swarthy flesh. Then would follow a long-drawn cry, scarcely audible
+amidst peals of laughter from the bystanders."
+
+It has been said that our non-appreciation of hostile humour is much
+owing to the suppression of feeling in conventional society, but I think
+that there is also an influence in civilization, which subdues and
+directs our emotions. A certain difference in this respect can be traced
+in the higher and lower classes of the population. This, and the
+difference in reasoning power, have led to the observation that "the
+last thing in which a cultivated man can have community with the vulgar
+is in jocularity."
+
+Jesting on religious subjects, has generally arisen from scepticism,
+deficiency in taste, or disbelief in the injurious consequences of the
+practice. Some consider that levity is likely to bring any subject it
+touches into contempt, or is only fitly used in connection with light
+subjects; while others regard it as merely a source of harmless
+pleasure, and can even laugh at a joke against themselves. In like
+manner some consider it inconsistent with the profession of religion to
+attend balls, races, or theatres, or even to wear gay-coloured clothes.
+Congreve has been blamed even for calling a coachman a "Jehu." On the
+other hand, at the beginning of this century, "a man of quality" could
+scarcely get through a sentence without some profane expletive. Sir
+Walter Scott makes a highwayman lament that, although he could "swear as
+round an oath as any man," he could never do it "like a gentleman." Lord
+Melbourne was so accustomed to garnish his conversation in this way that
+Sydney Smith once said to him, "We will take it for granted that
+everybody is damned, and now proceed with the subject." In former times,
+and even sometimes in our own day, the most eminent Christians have
+occasionally indulged in jest. At the time of the Reformation, a martyr
+comforted a fellow-sufferer, Philpot, by telling him he was a "pot
+filled with the most precious liquor;" and Latimer called bad passions
+"Turks," and bade his hearers play at "Christian Cards." "Now turn up
+your trump--hearts are trumps." Robert Hall, a most pious Christian, was
+constantly transgressing in this direction, and I have heard Mr. Moody
+raise a roar of laughter while preaching.
+
+Now it is quite impossible to say that in any of the above cases there
+was a want of faith, although we are equally unable to agree with those
+who maintain that profane jests are most common when it is the
+strongest. What they show is a want of control of feeling, or a
+deficiency in taste, so that people do not regard such things as either
+injurious or important. A sceptic at the present day is generally less
+profane than a religious man was in the last century. Such is the result
+of civilization, although unbelief in itself inclines to profanity, and
+faith to reverence.
+
+It is self-evident that peculiar feelings and convictions will prevent
+our regarding things as ludicrous, at which we should otherwise be
+highly amused. Religious veneration, or the want of it, often causes
+that to appear sacred to one person which seems absurd to another. Many
+Jewish stories seem strange to Gentile comprehensions. Elias Levi states
+that he had been told by many old and pious rabbis that at the costly
+entertainment at which the Messiah should be welcomed among the Jews, an
+enormous bird should be killed and roasted, of which the Talmud says
+that it once threw an egg out of its nest which crushed three hundred
+lofty cedars, and when broken, swept away sixty villages.
+
+The following petition was signed by sixteen girls of Charleston, S.C.,
+and presented to Governor Johnson in 1733, and was no doubt thought to
+set forth a serious evil.
+
+     "The humble petition of all the maids whose names are under
+     written. Whereas we, the humble petitioners are at present in a
+     very melancholy disposition of mind, considering how all the
+     bachelors are blindly captivated by widows, the consequence is this
+     our request that your Excellency will for the future order that no
+     widow presume to marry any young man until the maids are provided
+     for, or else to pay each of them a fine. The great disadvantage it
+     is to us maids, is that the widows by their forward carriages do
+     snap up the young men, and have the vanity to think their merit
+     beyond ours which is a just imposition on us who ought to have the
+     preference. This is humbly recommended to your Excellency's
+     consideration, and we hope you will permit no further insults. And
+     we poor maids in duty bound will ever pray," &c.
+
+It is almost impossible to limit the number of influences, which affect
+our appreciation of the ludicrous. "Nothing," writes Goethe, "is more
+significant of a man's character than what he finds laughable." We find
+highly intellectual men very different in this respect. Quintilian
+notices the different kind of humour of Aulus Galba, Junius Bassus,
+Cassius Severus, and Domitius Afer. In modern times Pitt was grave; Fox,
+Melbourne, and Canning were witty. Sir Henry Holland enumerates as the
+wits of his day, Canning, Sydney Smith, Jekyll, Lord Alvanley, Lord
+Dudley, Hookham Frere, Luttrell, Rogers, and Theodore Hook, and he
+adds--
+
+     "Scarcely two of the men just named were witty exactly in the same
+     vein. In Jekyll and Hook the talent of the simple punster
+     predominated, but in great perfection of the art, while Bishop
+     Blomfield and Baron Alderson, whom I have often seen in friendly
+     conflict, enriched this art by the high classical accompaniments
+     they brought to it. The wit of Lord Dudley, Lord Alvanley, and
+     Rogers was poignant, personal sarcasm; in Luttrell it was perpetual
+     fun of lighter and more various kind, and whimsically expressed in
+     his features, as well as in his words.[19] 'Natio comaeda est' was
+     the maxim of his mind and denoted the wide field of his humour. The
+     wit of Mr. Canning was of rarer and more refined workmanship, and
+     drew large ornament from classical sources. The 'Anti-Jacobin'
+     shows Mr. Canning's power in his youthful exuberance. When I knew
+     him it had been sobered, perhaps saddened, by the political
+     contrarities and other incidents of more advanced life, but had
+     lost none of its refinement of irony. Less obvious than the common
+     wit of the world, it excited thought and refined it--one of the
+     highest characteristics of this faculty.
+
+     "Lady Morley bore off the palm among the 'witty women' of the day.
+     She was never 'willing to wound.' Her printed pieces, though short
+     and scattered, attest the rare merits of her humour. The 'Petition
+     of the Hens of Great Britain to the House of Commons against the
+     Importation of French eggs,' is an excellent specimen of them."
+
+In corroboration of this view of the different complexion of men's
+humour I may mention that in the course of this work I have often had
+the sayings of various wits intermixed and have always been able easily
+to assign each to its author.
+
+Considering the great diversity in the appreciation of the ludicrous,
+the question arises is it merely a name for many different emotions, or
+has it always some invariable character. To decide this we may ask the
+question, Is one kind of humour better than another? Practically the
+answer is given every day, one saying being pronounced "good" if not
+"capital," and another "very poor," or a "mild" joke; and when we see
+humour varying with education, and with the ages of men and nations, we
+cannot but suppose that there are gradations of excellence in it.
+
+Now, if we allow generally this ascending scale in the ludicrous, we
+admit a basis of comparison, and consequently a link between the various
+circumstances in which it is found. It may be objected that in the
+somewhat similar case of Beauty, there is no connection between the
+different kinds. But the ludicrous stands alone among the emotions, and
+is especially in contrast with that of Beauty in this--that it is
+peculiarly dependent on the judgment, as beauty is on the senses. That
+we understand more about the ludicrous than about beauty is evident from
+its being far easier to make what is beautiful appear ludicrous than
+what is ludicrous appear beautiful.
+
+There is something unique in the perception of the ludicrous. It seems
+to strike and pass away too quickly for an emotion. The lightness of the
+impression produced by laughter is the reason why, although we often
+remember to have felt alarmed or pleased in dreams, we never remember to
+have been amused. The imperfect circulation of the blood in the head
+during sleep causes the reason to be partially dormant, and leads to
+strange fantasies being brought before us. But that our judgment is not
+entirely inactive is evident from the emotions we feel, and among them
+is the ludicrous, for many people laugh in their sleep, and when they
+are awakened think over the strange visions. They then laugh, but never
+remember having done so before. Memory is much affected by sleep, the
+greater number of our dreams are entirely forgotten, and the emotions
+and circumstances of the ludicrous easily pass from our remembrance.
+
+Bacon considered the ludicrous too intellectual to be called a "passio"
+or emotion. It has commonly been regarded as almost an intuitive
+faculty. We speak of "seeing" humour, and of having a "sense" of the
+ludicrous. We think that we have a sense in other matters, where
+reflection is not immediately perceptible, as when in music or painting
+we at once observe that a certain style produces a certain effect, and
+that a certain means conduces to a certain end. This recognition seems
+to be made intuitively, and from long habit and constant observation we
+come to acquire what appears like a sense, by which without going
+through any reasoning process we give opinions upon works of Art. The
+judgment acts from habit so imperceptibly that it is altogether
+overlooked, and we seem almost to have a natural instinct. We are often
+as unconscious of its exercise as of the changes going on in our bodily
+constitution. The compositor sets his types without looking at them; the
+mathematician solves problems "by inspection," and a well-known
+physiologist told me he had seen a man read a book while he kept three
+balls in the air. At times we seem to be more correct when acting
+involuntarily than when from design. We have heard it said that, if you
+think of the spelling of a word, you will make a mistake in it, and many
+can form a good judgment on a subject who utterly fail when they begin
+to specify the grounds on which it is founded. In many such cases we
+seem almost to acquire a sense, and, perhaps, for a similar reason we
+speak of a sense of the ludicrous. We are also, perhaps, influenced by a
+logical error--the ludicrous seems to us a simple feeling, and as every
+sense is so, we conclude that all simple feelings are senses.
+
+The ludicrous is not analogous to our bodily senses, in that it is not
+affected in so constant and uniform a manner. The sky appears blue to
+every man, unless he have some visual defect, but an absurd situation is
+not "taken" by all. In the senses no ratiocination is required, whereas
+the ludicrous does not come to us directly, but through judgment--a
+moment, though brief and unnoticed, always elapses in which we grasp the
+nature of the circumstances before us. If it be asserted that our
+decision is in this case pronounced automatically, without any exercise
+of reason, we must still admit that it comes from practice and
+experience, and not naturally and immediately, like a sense. The
+arguments taken from profit and expediency, which have led to a belief
+in moral sense, would, of course, have no weight in the case of the
+ludicrous.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+Definition--Difficulties of forming one of Humour.
+
+
+Some of the considerations towards the end of the last chapter may have
+led us to conclude that our sense[20] of the ludicrous is not a variety
+of emotions, but only one; and the possibility of our forming a
+definition of it depends, not only upon its unity, but upon our being
+able to trace some common attributes in the circumstances which awaken
+it. But in one of the leading periodicals of the day, I lately read the
+observation--made by a writer whose views should not be lightly
+regarded--that "all the most profound philosophers have pronounced a
+definition of humour to be hopelessly impracticable." I think that such
+an important and fundamental statement as this may be suitably taken
+into consideration in commencing our examination of the question. As a
+matter of history, we shall find that it is erroneous, for several great
+philosophers have given us definitions of the sense of the ludicrous,
+and few have thought it indefinable. But those who took the former
+course might be charged with wandering into the province of literature;
+while the views of those who adopted the latter might be thought
+incorrect with regard to definition, or unwarranted with regard to
+humour. To suppose that a definition of humour would be of any great
+value, would be to think that it would unfold the nature of things,
+instead of merely giving the meaning of a term; nor is it correct to
+conclude that by employing a string of words we can reach the precise
+signification of one, any more than we can hit the mark by striking at
+each side of it. If the number and variety of our words and thoughts
+were increased, we could approximate more nearly; but as we know neither
+the boundaries of our conceptions, nor the natural limits of things,
+definition can never be perfect or final. Various standards have been
+sought for it--the common usage of society being generally adopted--but
+it must always to a certain extent vary, according to the knowledge and
+approval of the definer.
+
+Scientific definitions are not intended to be complete, except for the
+study immediately in view. Who ever saw that ghostly line which is
+length without breadth--and how absurd it is to require of us to draw
+it! And would not a country-bumpkin feel as much insulted, if we told
+him he was a "carnivorous ape," or a "mammiferous two-handed animal," as
+the French soldier did when his officer called him a biped? If we give
+man his old prerogative, a "rational animal," how many would refuse the
+title to pretty women and spendthrift sons, while others would most
+willingly bestow it upon their poodles?
+
+Definition cannot be formed without analysis and comparison, and as few
+people indulge much in either, they accomplish it very roughly, but it
+answers their purpose, and they are contented until they find themselves
+wrong. Hence we commonly consider that nearly everything can be defined.
+We may then call the ludicrous "an element in things which tends to
+create laughter." This may be considered a fair definition, and although
+it is quite untrue, and founded on a superficial view of the ludicrous,
+it may give us the characteristics which men had in view in originally
+giving the name at a time when they had little consideration or
+experience. But if we require more, and ask for a definition which will
+stand the test of philosophical examination, we must reply that such
+only can be given as is dependent upon the satisfaction of the inquirer.
+Progressive minds will find it difficult to circumscribe the meaning of
+words, especially on matters with which they are well acquainted.
+
+Brown, in his "Lectures on the Philosophy of the Human Mind," observes
+that the ludicrous is a compound feeling of gladness and astonishment;
+not a very comprehensive view, for according to it, if a man were
+informed that he had been left a sum of money, he would regard his good
+fortune as highly absurd.
+
+Beattie maintains, on the contrary, that the ludicrous is a simple
+feeling, and therefore indefinable, a statement in which the premise
+seems more correct than the conclusion. The opinion that it is simple
+and primary, although not admitting of proof, has some probability in
+its favour. It arose from a conviction that we had no means of reaching
+it, of taking it to pieces, and was derived from the unsatisfactory
+character of such attempts as that of Brown, or from analogy with some
+other emotions, or with physical substances whose essence we cannot
+ascertain. If we can connect the ludicrous with certain acts of
+judgment, we cannot tell how far the emotion is modified by them, and
+even if we seem to have detected some elements in it, we were not
+conscious of them at the moment of our being amused. If they exist, they
+are then undiscernible.
+
+As when we regard a work of art, we are not sensible of pleasure until
+all the several elements of beauty are blended together, so if the
+ludicrous be a compound, there is some power within us that fuses the
+several emotions into one, and evolves out of them a completely new and
+distinct feeling. The product has a different nature from its component
+parts, just as the union of the blue, yellow and red give the simple
+sensation of whiteness. Regard the elements as separate and the feeling
+vanishes.
+
+It has probably been owing to reflections of the above kind that some
+philosophers have stated that the ludicrous is a simple feeling,
+awakened by certain means, and not a compound or acquired feeling formed
+of certain elements. But although it is more comfortable to have
+questions settled and at rest, it is often safer to leave them open,
+especially where we have neither sufficient knowledge nor power of
+investigation to bring our inquiries to an issue. It is not, however,
+correct to say that because feelings are primary or single they cannot
+be defined. As we cannot take them to pieces or analyse them, we are
+ignorant with regard to their real nature, and of some we cannot form
+any definition whatever, the only account we can give of them being to
+enumerate every object in which they appear; but in the case of others,
+we are enabled to form a definition by means of attributes observed in
+the objects or circumstances which awaken them. We cannot trace any
+common elements in sugar and scent, or in leaves and emeralds, by which
+to define sweetness and viridity; but we think we can discern some in
+the ludicrous. The mere grouping of certain things under one head seems
+to show that mankind notices some similarity between them. But
+definition requires more than this; attributes must be observed, and
+such as are common to all the instances, and where it has been attempted
+there has been a conviction that such would be found, for without them
+it would be impossible. When this belief is entertained, a definition is
+practicable, regarding it not as a perfect or final, but as a possible
+and approximate limitation. To define accurately, we should summon
+before us every real circumstance which does, or imaginary one which
+could, awaken the feeling, and every real and imaginary circumstance
+which, though very similar, has not this effect. The greater the variety
+of these instances which have the power, the fewer are the qualities
+which appear to possess it; and the greater the variety of instances
+which have it not, the greater the number of the qualities we attribute
+to it.
+
+It follows that the more numerous are the particulars to be considered,
+the more difficult it is to form a definition, and this may have led
+some to say that the ludicrous, which covers such a vast and varied
+field, lies entirely beyond it. We might think that we could add and
+subtract attributes until words and faculties failed us, until, in the
+one direction, we were reduced to a single point, in fact, to the
+ludicrous itself--while in the other we are lost in a boundless expanse.
+To be satisfied with our definition, we must form a narrower estimate of
+the number of instances, and a higher one of our powers of
+discrimination.
+
+But there is an alternative--although amusing objects and circumstances
+are almost innumerable, as we may have gathered from the last chapter,
+we may claim a license, frequently allowed in other cases, of drawing
+conclusions from a considerable number of promiscuous examples, and
+regarding them as a fair sample of the whole. Such a view has no doubt
+been taken by many able men, who have attempted to define the ludicrous.
+An eminent German philosopher even said that he did not despair of
+discovering its real essence.
+
+It must be admitted that we have no actual proof that the provocatives
+of the ludicrous are innumerable or utterly heterogeneous, nor any
+greater presumption that they are so than in many cases of physical
+phenomena which we are accustomed to define. The difficulty is at the
+most only that of degree, but we are unusually conscious of it owing to
+the nature of the subject. Every day, if not every hour, brings
+ludicrous objects of different kinds before us, whereas the number and
+variety of plants, animals, and minerals are only known to botanists and
+zoologists and other scientific men.
+
+As the members of a class are infinitely less numerous than the somewhat
+similar things which lie outside it, the course commonly adopted has
+been to examine a few members of it and try to find some of the
+properties a class possesses, without aspiring to ascertain them all.
+Our conclusions will thus be coextensive with our knowledge, rather than
+with our wishes, incomplete and overwide rather than illogical. How far
+easier is it, with regard to our present subject, to decide that the
+circumstances which awaken the ludicrous possess certain elements, than
+that it requires nothing more! the chemist may analyse the bright water
+of a natural spring which he can never manufacture. We can sometimes
+form what is humorous by imitation, but not by following any rules or
+directions; we even seem to be led more to it by accident than by
+design.
+
+Our safest plan, therefore, will be to search for some possible
+elements, and to endeavour to establish some probabilities on a subject
+which must always be somewhat surrounded with uncertainty. The constant
+tillage of the soil, the investigations made, and definitions attempted,
+have not been unproductive of fruit, and we may feel a tolerable degree
+of assurance on some points in question, while admitting that, however
+assiduously we labour, there will always be something beyond our reach.
+We will proceed then to examine and compare the stores of our
+predecessors, and if possible add a grain to the heap. Knowledge is
+progressive, and although it is not the lot of man to be assured of
+absolute truth, still the acquisition of what is relative or approximate
+is not valueless. This consideration, which has cheered many on the road
+of physical philosophy, may afford some encouragement to those who
+follow the equally obscure indications of our mental phenomena.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+Charm of Mystery--Complication--Poetry and Humour
+  compared--Exaggeration.
+
+
+All who are accustomed to novel reading or writing, are aware of the
+fascinating power of mystery. They even consider it a principal test of
+a good story that the plot should be impenetrable, and the final result
+concealed up to the last page. Tension and excitement are agreeable,
+even when the subject itself is somewhat painful. We observe this in a
+tragedy, and it is a common saying some people are never happy except
+when they are miserable. Such is the constitution of the mind; and the
+fact that enjoyment can be obtained when we should expect the reverse,
+is noteworthy with reference to the ludicrous. All mystery causes a
+certain disquietude, but if the problem seems to us capable of being
+solved, it begets an agreeable curiosity. On its resolution the
+excitement ceases, and we only feel a kind of satisfaction, which,
+though more unalloyed, gives less enjoyment than mystery, inasmuch as
+it produces less mental and physical commotion. This tendency in the
+mind to find pleasure in complexity was observed even by Aristotle.
+
+Experience teaches us that no literary style is attractive without a
+certain interlacing of thoughts and feelings. The sentiments which are
+most treasured and survive longest, are those which are conveyed rather
+in a complex than simple form--emotion is thus most quickened, and
+memory impressed. The beauty and charm of form lie greatly in its
+bringing ideas closer together, and succinctness implies fulness of
+thought. Thus a vast number of paradoxical expressions have been
+generated, which are far more agreeable than plain language. We speak of
+"blushing honours," "liquid music," "dry wine," "loud" or "tender
+colours," "round flavour," "cold hearts," "trembling stars," "storms in
+tea-cups," and a thousand similar combinations, putting the abstract for
+the concrete, transferring the perception of one sense to another,
+intermingling the nomenclature of arts, and using a great variety of
+metaphorical and even ungrammatical phrases. Poets owe much of their
+power to such combinations, and we find that allusions, which are
+confessedly the reverse of true, are often the most beautiful, touch the
+heart deepest, and live longest in the memory. Thus the lover delights
+to sing--
+
+  "Why does azure deck the sky?
+  'Tis to be like thine eyes of blue."
+
+Poetry has been called "the conflict of the elements of our being," and
+it is a mark of genius to leave much to the imagination of the reader.
+The higher we soar in poetry and the nearer we approach the sublime, the
+more the distance between the intertwined ideas increases. But we are
+scarcely conscious of any contradiction or discordance, as there is
+always something to resolve and explain it. Thus in "Il Penseroso," when
+we read of "the rugged brow of Night," we think of emblematic
+representations of Nox, and of the dark contraction of the brow in
+frowning. There is no breach of harmony, and we always find in poetry
+stepping stones which enable us to pass over difficulties. Often, too,
+we are assisted in this direction by the intention or tone of the writer
+or speaker.
+
+Athenaeus exhibits well, in a story fictitious or traditional, the
+contradictory elements to be found in poetry, and shows how easily
+metaphorical language may become ludicrous when interpreted according to
+the letter rather than the spirit. He makes Sophocles say to an
+Erythraean schoolmaster who wanted to take poetical things literally,
+
+"Then this of Simonides does not please you, I suppose, though it seems
+to the Greeks very well spoken--
+
+  "The maid sends her voice
+  From out her purple mouth!"
+
+"Nor the poet speaking of the golden-haired Apollo, for if the painter
+had made the hair of the god golden and not black, the painting would be
+all the worse. Nor the poet speaking of the rosy-fingered Aurora, for if
+anyone were to dip his fingers into rose-coloured paint, he would make
+his hands like those of a purple dyer, not of a beautiful woman."
+
+The praise of women is so common, and we so often compare them to
+everything beautiful, that the harsh lines in the above similes are
+coloured over and almost disappear. Such language seems as suitable in
+poetry, as commonplace information would be tedious, and being the
+scaffolding by which the ideal rises, the complexity is not prominent as
+in humour, though it adds to the pleasure afforded. But whenever the
+verge of harmony is not only reached, but transgressed, the connection
+of opposite ideas produces a different effect upon us, and we admit that
+from the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. When we go beyond the
+natural we may, if, we heed not, enter the unnatural. In such cases we
+have an additional incentive to mirth--a double complication as it were,
+from the failure of the original intention.
+
+If there were nothing in the world but what is plain and self-evident,
+where would be the romance and wit which form the greatest charm of
+life. Poetry recognises this; and in comic songs, especially of the
+Ethiopian class lately so popular, there is rather too prominent an aim
+to obtain complexity of ideas--sometimes to the verge of nonsense.
+Humorous sayings are largely manufactured on this plan.
+
+The ideas in humour, although in one respect distant, must be brought
+close together. Protraction in relating a story will cause it to fail,
+and this is one reason why jokes in a foreign language seldom make us
+laugh.
+
+Locke speaks of wit as the assemblage of ideas. Most philosophers
+acknowledge the existence of some conflict in humour, and in many
+instances of the ludicrous it seems to lie between the real and ideal.
+External circumstances appear different from what we should expect them
+to be, and think they ought to be. Thus we have seen a dignified man
+walking about quite unconscious that a wag has chalked his back, or
+fastened a "tail" on his coat behind.
+
+Some have attempted to explain all humour on this basis, but the
+complication in it does not seem capable of being brought under this
+head. Weiss and Arnold Ruge say it is "the ideal captive by the
+real"--an opinion similar to that of Schopenhauer, who calls it "the
+triumph of intuition over reflection." Of course, this cannot be taken
+as a definition, for in that case every mistake we make, such as
+thinking a mountain higher than it is, or a right action wrong, would be
+laughable. We contemplate acts of injustice or oppression, and failures
+in art and manufacture, and still feel no inclination to laugh. But we
+may accept the opinion as an admission of the principle of complication.
+The ideal and real often meet without any spark being struck, and in
+some cases the conflict in humour can scarcely be said to lie between
+them. It is often dependent upon a breach of association, or of some
+primary ideas or laws of nature. Necessary principles of mind or matter
+are often violated where things, true under one condition, are
+represented as being so universally. Our American cousins supply us with
+many illustrative instances. "A man is so tall that he has to go up a
+ladder to shave himself." Generally we require to mount, to reach
+anything in a very high position, but if it were our own head, however
+lofty we carried it, we should not require a ladder. Somewhat similar is
+the observation "that a young lady's head-dress is now so high, that she
+requires to stand on a stool to put it on."
+
+We have heard of a soldier surprising and surrounding a body of the
+enemy; and of a man coming downstairs in the morning, thinking himself
+someone else. "One man is as good as another," said Thackeray to the
+Irishman. "No, but much better," was the sharp reply. A somewhat similar
+breach takes place when something is spoken of under a metaphor, and
+then expressions applicable to that thing are transferred to that to
+which it is compared. Passages in literature and oratory thus become
+unintentionally ludicrous. A dignitary, well known for his
+conversational and anecdotal powers, told me that he once heard a very
+flowery preacher exclaim, when alluding to the destruction of the
+Assyrian host. "Death, that mighty archer, mowed them all down with the
+besom of destruction." Another clergyman, equally fond of metaphor,
+enforced the consideration of the shortness of life in the words,
+"Remember, my brethren, we are fast sailing down the stream of life, and
+shall speedily be landed in the ocean of eternity."
+
+Johnson says that wit is "a _discordia concors_, a combination of
+dissimilar images, or discovery of occult resemblances in things
+apparently unlike." Many have considered that humour consists of
+contrast or comparison, and it is true that a large portion of it owes
+much to attributes of relation. This kind of humorous complication is
+generally under the form of saying that a thing is _like_
+something--from which it is essentially different--merely because of the
+existence of some accidental similitude. There are many kinds and
+degrees of this, and some points of resemblance may be found in all
+things. We say "one man is like another," "a man may make himself like a
+brute," &c. Similitudes in minute detail may be pointed out in things
+widely different; and from this range of significations the word _like_
+has been most prolific of humour. It properly means, a real and
+essential likeness, and to use it in any other sense, is to employ it
+falsely. But our amusement is greatly increased when associations are
+violated, and much amusement may by made by showing there is some
+considerable likeness between two objects we have been accustomed to
+regard as very far apart. The smaller the similarity pointed out the
+slighter is the chain which connects the distant objects, and the less
+we are inclined to laugh. But the more we draw the objects together, the
+greater is the complication and the humour. We are then inclined to
+associate the qualities of the one with the other, and a succession of
+grotesque images is suggested backwards and forwards, before the
+amusement ceases. One principal reason why the mention of a drunken man,
+a tailor, or a lover, inclines us to mirth, is that they are associated
+in our minds with absurd actions. Laughter is generally greatest when we
+are intimately acquainted with the person against whom it is directed.
+We have often noticed the absurd effect produced in literature when
+words are used which, although suitable to the subject literally, are
+remote from it in association. The extreme subtlety of these feelings
+render it impossible sometimes to give any explanation of the ideas upon
+which a humorous saying is founded, and may be noticed in many words,
+the bearings of which we can feel, but not specify. A vast number of
+thoughts and emotions are always passing through the mind, many of them
+being so fine that we cannot detect them. The results of some of them
+can be traced as we have before observed in the proficiency which is
+acquired by practice but can never be imparted by mere verbal
+instruction.
+
+If things compared together are given too slight a connection, the
+associations will not be transferred from one to the other, and the wit
+fails, as in Cowley's extravagant fancy work on the basis of his
+mistress' eyes, being like burning-glasses. The objects must also be
+far enough apart for contrast--the farther the better, provided the
+distance be not so great as to change humour into the ludicrous.
+Referring to the desirability of a good literal translation of Homer,
+Beattie makes the following amusing comparisons.
+
+     "Something of this kind the world had reason to expect from Madame
+     Dacier, but was disappointed. Homer, as dressed out by that lady,
+     has more of the Frenchman in his appearance than of the old
+     Grecian. His beard is close shaved, his hair powdered, and there is
+     even a little _rouge_ on his cheek. To speak more intelligibly, his
+     simple and nervous diction is often wire-drawn into a flashy and
+     feeble paraphrase, and his imagery as well as humour, sometimes
+     annihilated by abbreviation. Nay, to make him the more modish, the
+     good lady is at pains to patch up his style with unnecessary
+     phrases and flourishes in the French taste, which have just such an
+     effect in a translation of Homer, as a bag-wig, and snuff-box would
+     have in a picture of Achilles."
+
+In parody a slight likeness in form and expression brings together ideas
+with very different associations. Several instances of this may be found
+in a preceding chapter. By increasing points of similarity between
+distant objects, poetry may be changed into humour. Addison remarks that
+"If a lover declare that his mistress' breast is as white as snow, he
+makes a commonplace observation, but when he adds with a sigh, that it
+is as cold too, he approaches to wit." The former simile is only
+poetical, but the latter draws the comparison too close, the
+complication becomes too strong, and we feel inclined to laugh. Addison
+merely notices the number of points of similitude, but the reason they
+produce or augment humour, is that they make the solution difficult.
+
+When it is easy to limit and disentangle the likeness and unlikeness,
+the pleasantry is small, as where Butler says--
+
+  "The sun had long since, in the lap
+  Of Thetis, taken out his nap,
+  And, like a lobster boiled, the moon
+  From black to red began to turn."
+
+Here there is no element of truth--the things are too far apart. A
+humorous comparison should not be entirely fanciful, and without basis;
+otherwise we should have no complication.
+
+Many humorous sayings, especially those found in comic papers, fail for
+want of foundation. That would-be wit which has no element of truth is
+always a failure, and may appear romantic, dull or ludicrous--or simply
+nonsensical. As in a novel, the more pure invention there is the duller
+we find it, so here the more like truth, the error appears the better.
+The finer the balance, the nearer doubt is approached, provided it be
+not reached, the more excellent and artistic the humour. Gross
+exaggeration is not humorous. There is too much of this extravagant and
+spurious humour in the comic literature of the day. "Many men," writes
+Addison, "if they speak nonsense believe they are talking humour; and
+when they have drawn together a scheme of absurd inconsistant ideas are
+not able to read it over to themselves without laughing. These poor
+gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves the reputation of wits and
+humorists by such monstrous conceits as almost qualify them for Bedlam,
+not considering that humour should be always under the check of reason."
+There is nothing pleasant in nonsense. In both humour and the ludicrous
+the imperfection must refer to some kind of right or truth, and revolve,
+as it were, round a fixed axis. "To laugh heartily we must have
+reality," writes Marmontel, and it is remarkable that most good comic
+situations have been taken from the author's own experience. The best
+kind of humour is the most artistic embellishment of the ludicrous.
+
+The fact that humour is often found in comparisons, probably led Leon
+Dumont to consider that it arose from the meeting of two opposite ideas
+in the mind. But often there is no contrast. It does not always strike
+us that the state of things present before us is different from some
+other clearly defined condition. We do not necessarily see that a thing
+is wrong as differing from something else, but as opposing some
+standard in our minds which it is often difficult to determine. We
+sometimes laugh at another person's costume, though it does not occur to
+us that he should be dressed as ourselves, or according to some
+particular fashion, nor could we point out at what precise point it
+diverges from the code of propriety. But by reflecting we could probably
+mark the deviation. The ludicrous often suggests comparisons; when we
+see something absurd we often try to find a resemblance to something
+else, but this is after we have been amused, and we sometimes say of a
+very ridiculous man, that we "do not know what he is like."
+
+Humorous complications appear under many forms and disguises. The
+Americans have lately introduced an indifferent kind of it under the
+form of an ellipse--an omission of some important matter. Thus, the
+editor of a Western newspaper announces that if any more libels are
+published about him, there will be several first class funerals in his
+neighbourhood. Again, "An old Maine woman undertook to eat a gallon of
+oysters for one hundred dollars. She gained fifteen--the funeral costing
+eighty-five." Another common form of humorous complication is taking an
+expression in a different sense from that it usually bears. "You cannot
+eat your cake, and have your cake;" "But how," asks the wilful child,
+"am I to eat my cake, if I don't have it?" Thackeray speaks of a young
+man who possessed every qualification for success--except talent and
+industry.
+
+In many other common forms of speech there are openings for specious
+amendments, sometimes for real ones, especially in ironical expressions.
+But as in pronunciation we regard usage rather than etymology, so in
+sense the true meaning is not the literal or grammatical, but the
+conventional. Much indifferent humour is made of question and
+answer;--the reply being given falsely, as if the interrogation were put
+in a different sense from that intended, an occasion for the quibble
+being given by some loose or perhaps literal meaning of the words. Thus,
+"Have you seen Patti?" _A._ "Yes." _Q._ "What in?" _A._ "A brougham."
+
+Indelicacy or irreverence is unpleasant in itself, and yet when
+complication is added to it few of us can avoid laughing, and I am
+afraid that some considerably enjoy objectionable allusions. To tell a
+man to go to h---, or that he deserves to go there, is merely coarse and
+profane abuse, but when a labourer is found by an irritable country
+gentleman piling up a heap of stones in front of his house, and being
+rated for causing such an obstruction, asks where else he is to take
+them, and is told "to h--- if you like," we are amused at the
+answer--"Indeed, then, if I was to take them to heaven, they'd be more
+out of your way." Thus, also, to call a man an ass would not win a smile
+from most of us, but we relax a little when the writers in a high church
+periodical, addicted to attacking Mr. Spurgeon, upon being accused of
+being actuated by envy, retort that they know the commandment--"Thou
+shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass."
+
+If we examine carefully the circumstances which awaken the ludicrous, we
+shall probably come to conclude that they often contain something which
+puzzles our understanding. An act which seems ridiculous would not
+appear so if we could entirely account for it, for instance, if it were
+done to win a bet. There seems to be in the ludicrous not merely some
+error in the taste brought before us, but something which we can
+scarcely believe to be the case. This alone would account for some
+variation, for what seems unintelligible to the ignorant seems plain to
+the educated, and what puzzles the well-informed raises no question
+among the inexperienced. The ludicrous depends upon that kind of
+intellectual twilight which is the lot of man here below. Were our
+knowledge perfect we should no more laugh than angelic beings,[21] were
+it final we should be as grave as the lower animals. Humour exists where
+the faculties are not fully developed, and our capacities are beyond our
+attainments, but fails where the mind has reached its limit, or feels no
+forward impulse. Study and high education are adverse to mirth, because
+the mind becomes impressed with the universality of law and order, and
+when learned men are merry, they are so mostly from being of genial or
+sympathetic natures. Density and dullness of intelligence are also
+unfavourable to humour from the absence of sensibility and
+generalization. We find that those whose experience is imperfect are
+most inclined to mirth. This is the reason why children, especially
+those of the prosperous classes, are so full of merriment. They are not
+only highly emotional, but have inquiring and progressive minds, while
+their experience being small, and generalization imperfect, they see
+much that appears strange and perplexing to them; but their laughter is
+never hearty as in the case of those whose views are more formed.[22]
+
+Exaggeration always contains either falsity, or complication, and when
+it is used for humour the deficiency is made up. It easily affords
+amusement, because it can bring together the most distant and discordant
+ideas. American wits have made great use of it. Thus we read of a man
+driving his gig at such a pace along the high road that his companion,
+looking at the mile stones, asked what cemetery they were passing
+through? One of the same country described the extent of his native land
+in the following terms: "It is bounded on the North by the Aurora
+Borealis, on the South by the Southern Cross, on the East by the rising
+sun, and on the West by the Day of Judgment." The same may be said of
+diminution which is only humorous when connecting distant ideas. In "The
+Man of Taste," a poem, by the Rev. T. Bramstone in Dodsley's collection,
+we read--
+
+  "My hair I'll powder in the women's way,
+  And dress and talk of dressing more than they;
+  I'll please the maids of honour if I can,
+  Without black velvet breeches--what is man?"
+
+Longinus, says, "He was possessor of a field as small as a Lacedaemonian
+letter." Their letters often consisted only of two or three words. A
+gentleman I met on one occasion in a train, speaking of a lady friend,
+observed--"She's very small, but what there is of her is very, very
+good. Why, she'd go into that box," pointing to one for sandwiches.
+"She's not bigger than that umbrella. 'Pon my honour as a gentleman,
+she's not."
+
+Humour, by means of the perplexity it produces, often gains the victory
+over strong emotions. This fact has been practically recognised by
+orators, who see that when a man is struck by a humorous allusion,
+powerful feelings which could not otherwise be swayed give way, and even
+firm resolutions seem for the moment shaken and changed. We are bribed
+by our desire for pleasure, and a man thus often seems to sympathise
+with those he really opposes and can even be made to laugh at
+himself--strong antagonistic sensations and emotions being conquered by
+complexity. To most persons nothing can be more solemn than the thought
+of death, except its actual presence; but Theramenes was light-hearted
+when the hemlock bowl was presented to him, and drinking it off could
+not, as he threw out the dregs, resist exclaiming "To the health of the
+lovely Critias."[23] Sir Thomas More was jocose upon the scaffold.
+Baron Goerz, when being led to death, said to his cook--"It's all over
+now, my friend, you will never cook me a good supper again." The poet
+Kleist, who was killed in the battle of Kunersdorf, was seized with a
+violent fit of laughter just before he expired, when he thought of the
+extraordinary faces a Cossack, who had been plundering him, made over
+the prize he had found. In the same way a lady told me that a friend of
+hers, having had a severe fall from his horse, drew a caricature of the
+accident while the litter was being prepared for him. Scarron was
+constantly in bodily suffering; and Norman Macleod wrote some humorous
+verses "On Captain Frazer's Nose" when he was enduring such violent pain
+that he spent the night in his study, and had occasionally to bend over
+the back of a chair for relief.
+
+Charles Mathews retained his love of humour to the last. I have heard
+that, when dying at Plymouth, he ordered himself to be laid out as if
+dead. The doctor on entering exclaimed, "Poor fellow, he's gone! I knew
+he would not last long," and was just leaving the room with some sad
+reflections, when he heard the lamented man chuckling under the sheet.
+
+Thus, also, a German General relates that after a skirmish a French
+hussar was brought in with a huge slash across his face. "Have you
+received a sabre cut, my poor fellow?" asked the General. "Pooh, I was
+shaved too closely this morning," was the reply. Something may be
+attributed in such cases to nervous excitement, which seeks relief in
+some counteraction. Mr. Hardy observes that there appears to be always a
+superficial film of consciousness which is left disengaged and open to
+the notice of trifles.
+
+Addison says that false humour differs from true, as a monkey does from
+a man. He goes on to say that false humour is given to little apish
+tricks, and buffooneries. Now the reason why Addison and cultivated men
+in general do not laugh at buffooneries and place them in the catalogue
+of false humour, is simply because they do not present to their minds
+any complication. When harlequin knocks the clown and pantaloon over on
+their backs, "the gods" burst with laughter, unable to understand the
+catastrophe, but those who have seen such things often, and consider
+that men make a living by such tricks, see nothing at all strange in it,
+remain grave and perhaps wearied. It was the want of complication that
+probably prevented Uncle Shallow from complying with the simple
+Slender's request to "Tell Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole
+two geese out of a pen."
+
+It may be almost unnecessary to observe that all errors in taste are not
+ludicrous. "Tea-boardy" pictures do not make us laugh, we only attribute
+them to unskilful artists, of whom unfortunately there are too many. Nor
+is the ludicrous to be classed under the head of taste; very often that
+which awakens it offers no violence to our aesthetic sensibilities. It is
+true that in Art, that which appears ludicrous will always be
+distasteful, for it will offend the eye or ear, but it is something
+more, and we occasionally speak as though it were outside taste
+altogether. Thus when we see some very evident failure in a sketch, we
+say "this is a most wretched work, and out of all drawing," and add as a
+climax of disapprobation "It is perfectly ridiculous." A violation of
+taste is never sufficient for the ludicrous, and the ludicrous is not
+always a violation of taste.
+
+There is something in humour beyond what is merely unexpected. I
+remember a physician telling me that a gentleman objected very much to
+some prescriptions given to his wife, and wanted some quack medicines
+tried. The doctor opposed him, and on the gentleman calling on him and
+telling him he was unfit for his profession, there was an open rupture
+between them, and they cut each other in the street. Not long afterwards
+the gentleman died, and left him a legacy of L500. The doctor could not
+help being amused at the bequest under such circumstances, though, had
+it come equally unexpectedly from a mere stranger, he would have been
+merely surprised.
+
+In some humorous sayings we find several different complications, which
+increase the force. Coincidences of this kind not only add to, but
+multiply humour in which when of a high class the complexity is very
+subtle. It has much increased since ancient times, there was a large
+preponderance of emotion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+Imperfection--An Impression of Falsity implied--Two Views taken by
+  Philosophers--Firstly that of Voltaire, Jean Paul, Brown, the German
+  Idealists, Leon Dumont, Secondly that of Descartes, Marmontel and
+  Dugald Stewart--Whately on Jests--Nature of Puns--Effect of Custom and
+  Habit--Accessory Emotion--Disappointment and Loss--Practical Jokes.
+
+
+Although a distinction can be drawn in humour between the sense of wrong
+and the complication which accompanies it, still, as in any given case,
+the two flow out of the same circumstances, there seems to be some
+indissoluble link between them. It is not necessary to say that the
+sense of the ludicrous is a compound feeling, to maintain that it has
+the appearance of containing or being connected with something like a
+feeling of disapprobation.
+
+Moreover, all the elements contained must be perfectly fused together
+before the ludicrous can be appreciated, just as Sir T. Macintosh
+observes of Beauty, "Until all the separate pleasures which create it be
+melted into one--as long as any of them are discerned and felt as
+distinct from each other--qualities which gratify are not called by the
+name of Beauty," and when we say that the humour consists of an emotion
+awakened by an exercise of judgment, we do not pretend to determine how
+far the emotion has been modified by judgment, and judgment directed by
+emotion.
+
+We cannot properly suppose that there is anything really wrong in
+external objects brought before us, and did we recognise that everything
+moves in a regular pre-ordained course, we should be obliged to consider
+everything right, and conclude that the error we observe is imaginary,
+and flows from our own false standard. We do so with regard to the
+so-called works of Nature, and, therefore, we never laugh at a rock or a
+tree--no matter how strange its form. But in the general circumstances
+brought before us the reign of law is not so clear, especially when they
+depend on the actions of men, which we feel able to pronounce judgment
+upon, and condemn when opposed to our ideal. In humorous representations
+we are actually beholding what is false; in ludicrous we think we are,
+though we cannot avoid at times detecting some infirmity in our own
+discernment. Thus, in the case of a child's puzzle, a person unable to
+solve it sometimes exclaims, "How dull I am! I ought to be able to do
+it," and people occasionally find fault with their senses, as we
+sometimes see them laughing when dazzled by rapidly revolving colours.
+Such instances may suggest to us that the fault we find really
+originates in our own obtuseness.
+
+But before proceeding, we must allow that philosophers and literary men
+are divided in opinion as to the existence of any feeling of wrong in
+the ludicrous. Voltaire, tilting against the windmills which the old
+animosity school had set up, observes, "When I was eleven years old, I
+read all alone for the first time the 'Amphitryon' of Moliere, and I
+laughed until I was on the point of falling down. Was this from
+hostility?--one is not hostile when alone!" This will not seem to most
+of us more conclusive reasoning than that of his opponents. We seldom
+laugh when alone, although we often feel angry.
+
+Dryden says "Wit is a propriety of words and thoughts adapted to the
+subject," and Pope gives us a similar opinion in the following words--
+
+  "True wit is nature to advantage dressed,
+  What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed,
+  Something whose truth convinced at sight we find.
+  That gives us back the image to our mind."
+
+Taking this view of the subject, we should be inclined to think the
+Psalms of David especially witty, and to agree with the pretentious
+young lady who, being asked what she thought of Euclid, replied at a
+hazard that "It was the wittiest book she had ever read." But it seems
+probable from other passages in Pope's works that he did not here intend
+to give a full definition, but only some characteristics. Moreover, in
+former times, Wit was not properly distinguished from Wisdom, and the
+above authors probably used the word in the old sense. Young says,
+"Well-judging wit is a flower of wisdom," to which we may reply in the
+words of an old proverb, "Wit and Wisdom, like the seven stars, are
+seldom found together."
+
+Brown, in his lectures on "The Human Understanding," observes that in
+the ludicrous we do not condemn, but admire, and he cites as an
+illustration the case of some friends dining at an hotel. Boniface
+smilingly inquires what wine they would like to drink. One says
+Champagne, another Claret, another Burgundy, but the last one observes
+knowingly that he should like that best for which he should not have to
+pay. Now in this there is certainly a fault, for the answer is not
+applicable to the question. Brown's theory is that the ludicrous arises
+from the contemplation of incongruities, and he finds himself somewhat
+puzzled when he considers that the incongruities in science--in
+chemistry, for instance--do not make us laugh. He is at some trouble to
+explain that the importance of the subject renders us serious. But had
+he recognised the fact that the ludicrous implies condemnation, he would
+have seen that we could not be amused at incongruities in science,
+because we have a strong conviction that they are not real but only
+apparent. Some very ignorant persons, as he observes, do occasionally
+laugh at philosophic truths. I knew a lady who laughed at being told of
+the great distance of the planets, and a gentleman assured me that a
+friend of his, a man who had such shrewdness that he rose from the
+lowest ranks and acquired L100,000, would never believe that the earth
+was round!
+
+Jean Paul, taking the same admiration view, observes that "women laugh
+more than men, and the haughty Turk not at all." But are not these facts
+referable to comparative excitability and apathy, and also to the
+multiplicity and variety of female ideas compared with the dulness of
+the Moslem's apprehension. Jean Paul proceeds to say that the more
+people laugh at our joke, the better we are pleased, and that this does
+not seem as though the enjoyment came from a feeling of triumph. But
+what is really laughed at is the humour, and not the humorist, and as a
+man wishes the beauty of a poem he has written to be generally
+acknowledged, so he desires to see the point of his satire appreciated
+by as many as possible.
+
+A fruitful source of error in the investigation of humour arises from
+the difficulty in determining where it lies--of localizing it, if I may
+be allowed the expression. We hear a very amusing observation, and at
+once join heartily in the laugh, but cannot say whether we are laughing
+at a circumstance or a person, at a representation or a reality.
+
+We come now to the most important authority on this side of the
+question. The systems which the German philosophers have propounded are
+more serviceable to themselves than edifying to the ordinary reader.
+High abstractions afford but a very vague and indefinite idea to the
+mind, nor can their application be fully understood but by those who
+have ascended the successive stages by which each philosopher has
+himself mounted. On the present subject, their opinions seem to have
+been influenced by their views on other subjects. As we have already
+observed, Kant and several of the leading German idealists are in favour
+of considering the ludicrous as a "resolution" or a "deliverance of the
+absolute, captive by the finite," an opinion which reminds us of
+Hobbes' old theory of "glorying over others." The difference between
+their views and that of most authorities is not so great as it at first
+appears; they admit a "negation" of truth and beauty, but found the
+ludicrous, not upon this, but upon the rebirth which follows. This step
+in advance, taken in accordance with their general philosophy, may be
+correct, but it does not seem warranted by the mere examination of the
+subject itself. Can we say that at the instant of laughter we regard not
+that something is wrong, but that the reverse of it is right? When
+humour is brought before us, do we feel in any way instructed? This
+rebirth from a negation must seem somewhat visionary. What, for
+instance, is the truth to be gathered from the following. "I wish," said
+a philanthropic orator, "to be a friend to the friendless, a father to
+the fatherless, and a widow to the widowless."
+
+Probably, the philosopher who formed the rebirth theory had looked at
+ludicrous events rather than humorous stories--and it may be urged that
+we laugh at the former when we are set right, and are convinced of
+having been really mistaken. But at the moment what excites mirth is
+something that seems wrong. We meet a friend, for instance, in a place
+where we little expected to see him, and perhaps smile at the meeting.
+Had we known all his movements we should not have been thus surprised,
+but we were ignorant of them. Here we may say our views are corrected,
+and our amusement comes from a resolution or rebirth. But reflection
+will show that whatever our final conclusion may be, we laugh at what
+seems to us, at the moment, unaccountable and wrong; and as soon as we
+begin to correct ourselves, and to see how the event occurred, our
+merriment disappears.
+
+Many instances will occur to us in which what is really right may appear
+wrong. Most of us have heard the proverb "If the day is fine take an
+umbrella, if it rains do as you like." It may give good advice, but we
+should be much inclined to laugh at anyone who adopted it.
+
+Leon Dumont, the latest writer who has added considerably to our
+knowledge on this subject, does not admit the existence of imperfection
+in the ludicrous. But the arguments which he adduces do not seem to be
+conclusive. He says, for instance, that we laugh at love and amatory
+adventures because they abound in deceptions! But deception always
+implies ignorance or falsity, and the extravagant phraseology of love,
+the fanciful names, the griefs and ecstasies, are not only ridiculous
+in themselves, but lead us to regard lovers generally as bereft of
+reason.
+
+Dumont observes, in support of his theory, that "when a small man bobs
+his head in passing under a door, we laugh." But if a puppet or a
+pantaloon were to do so we should scarcely be amused, for we could
+account for it, and see nothing wrong in his action. He goes on to ask
+how the other view is applicable in the case of Ariosto's father, who
+rates his son at the very moment when the latter is wanting a model of
+an enraged parent to complete his comedy. It is our general idea that
+the anger of a father is something alarming and painful to endure, but
+here we see it regarded as a most fortunate occurrence. The man is
+producing the contrary effect to what he supposes, he is not effecting
+what he is intending; here is a strange kind of failure or ignorance.
+Suppose we had known that the father was only simulating anger, we
+should probably not have laughed, or if we were amused, it would be at
+Ariosto's expense, who was being deceived in his model of parental
+indignation.
+
+Leon Dumont defines the laughable to be that of which the mind is forced
+to affirm and to deny the same thing at the same time. He attributes it
+to two distant ideas being brought together. We might thus conclude that
+there was something droll in such expressions as "eyes of fire," "lips
+of dew."
+
+Everyone is aware that humour is generally evanescent, the feeling goes
+almost as soon as it arrives; and the same spell, if repeated, has lost
+its charm. It may be said that all repetition is, in its nature,
+wearisome, because it is not in accordance with the progress of the
+human mind, but we must admit that it is less damaging to poetry in
+which there is a perpetual spring and rebirth, and to proverbs which
+have ever fresh and useful application.
+
+"Nothing," writes Amelot, "pleases less than a perpetual pleasantry,"
+and we all know that a jest-book is dull reading. Humour seems the more
+fugitive, because we do not know by what means to reproduce and continue
+it. We can, almost at will, call up emotions of love, hatred or sorrow,
+and when we feel them we can aggravate them to any extent, but humour is
+not thus under our command. We cannot invent or summon it. When we have
+heard a "good thing" said, we shall find that the mere repetition of the
+words originally uttered are more fully successful in reproducing and
+prolonging our mirth than all the attempts we usually make to develop it
+and come closer to the point. Sydney Smith was of opinion that much
+might be effected by perseverance, and this is the reason that he was
+often guilty of that bad and overstrained wit which led Lord Brougham to
+call him "too much of a Jack pudding."
+
+We cannot by calculation and design produce anything worthy of the name
+of humour. It is generally true that any kind of reflection is inimical
+to it. But no doubt the great cause of its evanescence is that it leads
+to nothing, and adds nothing to our information. The most fleeting
+humour is that which is on unimportant subjects, as in comic poems and
+squibs, which may show considerable ingenuity, but have no interest. It
+is the nugatory and negative character of humour that makes it so
+short-lived. Hence, also, it is best at intervals, and in small
+quantities. The fact that when any attempt is made to explain a jest and
+glean any information from it the humour vanishes, seems much opposed to
+its containing any principle of rebirth.
+
+Many of the philosophers, who have discarded the idea of there being
+condemnation in the ludicrous, have been misled either by not
+distinguishing between the ludicrous and the gift of humour, or by
+regarding the grain of truth which is imbedded in all wit as the entire
+or principal cause of our amusement. To form the complication necessary
+for humorous sayings there must be, of course, some element of truth to
+oppose the falsity in them. The course in forming witty sayings is
+generally the following. We remark some real resemblance between things
+which has hitherto been unnoticed. We then, upon this foundation, make a
+false statement, deriving so much colour from the truth that we cannot
+easily disengage one from the other. The resemblance must be something
+striking and unusual, or it would not support a statement which opposes
+our ordinary experience. As in the ludicrous there is reality, so in
+humour there must be some element of truth, or we should regard the
+invention as simple falsehood. To this extent we are prepared to agree
+with Boileau that "the basis of all wit is truth," but the result and
+general impression it gives is falsity.
+
+Addison's Genealogy of Humour:--
+
+         Truth
+       Good Sense
+     Wit        Mirth
+         Humour
+
+at first seems to be erroneous, but he does not really mean to say that
+there is no falsehood in it, but that it does not approach nonsense, and
+often contains useful instruction.
+
+Holms exhibits the nature of humour in a passage remarkable for
+philosophy and elegance:
+
+     "There is a perfect consciousness in every kind of wit that its
+     essence consists in a partial and incomplete view of whatever it
+     touches. It throws a single ray separated from the rest, red,
+     yellow, blue, or any intermediate shade upon an object, never white
+     light. We get beautiful effects from wit, all the prismatic
+     colours, but never the object is in fair daylight. Poetry uses the
+     rainbow tints for special effects, but always its essential object
+     is the purest white light of truth."
+
+Bacon went further, and considered that even the beauty of poetry and
+the pleasures of imagination were derived from falsehood.
+
+     "This truth is a naked and open daylight, which doth not show the
+     masques and mummeries and triumphs of the world half so stately and
+     daintily as candle light. Truth may perhaps come to the price of a
+     pearl that showeth well by day, but it will not rise to the price
+     of a diamond or carbuncle that shineth best in varied lights. A
+     mixture of a lie doth ever add pleasure. Doth any man doubt that if
+     there were taken out of men's minds vain opinions, flattering
+     hopes, false valuations, imagination, and the like, but that it
+     would leave the minds of a number of men poor shrunken things full
+     of melancholy indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves."
+
+Mr. Dallas goes so far as to say that "it is impossible that laughter
+should be an unmixed pleasure, seeing it arises from some aspect of
+imperfection or discordance." The fact that many people would undergo
+almost any kind of suffering rather than be exposed to ridicule,
+indicates that it contains some very unpleasant reflection. We sometimes
+feel uncomfortable even when we hear laughter around us, the cause of
+which we do not know, fearing that we may be ourselves the object of
+it--even dogs dislike to be laughed at. Our ordinary modes of speech
+seem to point to some imperfection or error in humour, as when we say
+"there is many a true word spoken in jest," or "life is a jest,"
+signifying its unreality. Sometimes we say that an observation "must be
+a joke," implying that it is false. I have even heard of a man who never
+laughed at humour because he hated falsehood, and we sometimes say of an
+untrue statement that it must be taken with a "grain of salt."
+
+It is so very common for men to flinch under ridicule, that it is said
+to be a good test of courage. An old English poet says,
+
+  "For he who does not tremble at the sword,
+  Who quails not with his head upon the block,
+  Turn but a jest against him, loses heart.
+  The shafts of wit slip through the stoutest mail;
+  There is no man alive that can live down
+  The unextinguishable laughter of mankind."
+
+Aristotle defines the ludicrous to be "a certain error and turpitude
+unattended with pain, and not destructive," a statement which may refer
+to moral or physical defects. Cicero and Quintilian, looking probably at
+satire, consider it to be mostly directed against the shortcomings and
+offences of men. Bacon in his "Silva Silvarum" says the objects of
+laughter are deformity, absurdity, and misfortune, in which we trace a
+certain severity, although he speaks of "jocular arts" as "deceptions of
+the senses," such as in masks, and other exhibitions, were much in
+fashion in his day. Descartes says that we only laugh at those whom we
+deem worthy of reproach; but Marmontel, the celebrated pupil of
+Voltaire, takes a view which bespeaks greater cultivation and a progress
+in society. "A fault in manner," he says, "is laughable; a false
+pretension is ridiculous, a situation which exposes vice to detestation
+is comic, a _bon mot_ is pleasant."
+
+Dugald Stewart proceeds so far as almost to exclude vice, for he only
+specifies "slight imperfections in the character and manners, such as do
+not excite any moral indignation." He says that it is especially excited
+by affectation, hypocrisy, and vanity.
+
+We trace in these successive opinions of philosophers an improvement in
+humour, proportionate to the progress of mankind. As men of literature,
+they drew general conclusions, and from the higher and more cultivated
+classes, probably much from books. Had they taken a wider range, their
+catalogues would have been more comprehensive.
+
+But the amelioration we have traced is as much in the general tone of
+feeling as in humour itself, if not more. Bitter reflections upon the
+personal or moral defects of others are not so acceptable now as
+formerly; the "glorying" over the downfall of our neighbours is less
+common.
+
+Thus we mark an improvement in the sentiments which accompany the
+ludicrous, and which many philosophers seem to have mistaken for the
+ludicrous itself. Neither hostility, indelicacy, nor profanity can
+create the ludicrous, but where they do not disgust they vivify and make
+it more effective. It will be observed that in all of them there is
+something we condemn and disapprove. The joy of gain and advantage was
+in very early times sufficient to quicken humour in that childlike mirth
+which flowed chiefly from delight and exultation, but the "laughter of
+pleasure" has passed away, perhaps we require something more keen or
+subtle in the maturer age of the world. The accessory emotions are not
+at present either so joyous or so offensive as they were in bygone
+times. The "faults in manners" of Marmontel, and the "slight
+imperfections" of Dugald Stewart, showed that the objectionable
+stimulants of the ludicrous were assuming a much milder form.
+
+From the views of Archbishop Whately set forth in his "Logic," we might
+suppose that pleasantries, although not devoid of falsity, were usually
+of a truly innocuous character--"Jests," he writes, "are mock fallacies,
+_i.e._ fallacies so palpable as not to be able to deceive anyone, but
+yet bearing just the resemblance of argument which is calculated to
+amuse by contrast." Farther on we read again: "There are several
+different kind of jokes and raillery, which will be found to correspond
+with the different kinds of fallacy." On this we may observe that some
+jests, generally of the "manufactured" class, are founded on a false
+logical process, but in most cases the error arises more from the matter
+than from the form, and often from mistakes of the senses. Although
+nearly every misconception may be represented under the form of false
+ratiocination, the imperfection almost always lies in one of the
+premises, and it is seldom that there is plainly a fault of argument in
+humour. If we claim everything as a fallacy of which there is no
+evidence, though there seems to be some, we shall embrace a large
+area--part of which is usually assigned to falsity, and if we consider
+every mistake to come from wrong deduction, we shall convict mankind of
+being so full of fallacies as not to be a rational, but a most illogical
+animal. Whately says, "The pun is evidently in most instances a mock
+argument founded on a palpable equivocation of the middle term--and
+others in like manner will be found to correspond to the respective
+fallacies."
+
+A pun is the nearest approach to a mere mock fallacy of form, and we see
+what poor amusement it generally affords. To feign that because words
+have the same sound, they convey the same thoughts or meanings is a
+fiction as transparent as it is preposterous. A word is nothing but an
+arbitrary sign, and apart from the thought connected with it, it is an
+empty unmeaning sound. The link is too slight in puns, the disparity
+between the things they represent as similar, too great--there is too
+much falsity. The worst kind of them is where the words are unlike in
+spelling, and even somewhat so in sound, and where the same reference
+cannot be made to suit both. Such are puns of the "atrocious" or
+"villainous" class--a fertile source of bad riddles. For instance, "Why
+is an old shoe like ancient Greece?" "Because it had a sole on (Solon)."
+Here the words are very dissimilar and the allusion is imperfect--the
+description of an old shoe being wrong and forced.
+
+The founders of many of our great families have shown how much this kind
+of humour was once appreciated by using it in their mottoes. Thus Onslow
+has "_Festina lente_" and Vernon more happily "_Ver non semper floret_."
+Some puns are amusingly ingenious when the reference hinges well on both
+words, some additional verbal or other connection is shown, and the
+words are exactly alike. When there are not two words, but one is used
+in two senses, there is still greater improvement. Thus the Rev. R. S.
+Hawker--a man of such mediaeval tastes that he was claimed, falsely, I
+believe, as a Roman Catholic--made an apt reply to a nobleman who had
+told him in the heat of religious controversy that he would not be
+priest-ridden--
+
+  "Priest-ridden thou! it cannot be
+  By prophet or by priest,
+  Balaam is dead, and none but he
+  Would choose thee for his beast!"
+
+We also consider that the mendicant deserved a coin, who, knowing the
+love of wit in Louis XIV., complained sadly to him, _Ton image est
+partout--excepte dans ma poche_. In such cases the pun is sometimes
+transformed, for it only invariably exists where the words are equivocal
+and where the allusion is peculiarly applicable to the double meaning
+the falsity vanishes, and the verbal coincidence becomes an effective
+ornament of style. It has been so used by the most successful writers,
+and it is still under certain conditions approved; but more
+discrimination is required in such embellishments than was anciently
+necessary. And when the allusion becomes not only elegant but
+iridescent, reflecting beautiful and changing lights, it rises into
+poetical metaphor.
+
+Falsity is necessary to constitute a pun; if no great identity is
+assumed between the two words, and they are not introduced in a somewhat
+strained manner, we do not consider the term applicable. If the use of
+merely similar words in sentences were to be so viewed, we should be
+constantly guilty of punning. Wordsworth was not guilty of a pun on that
+hot day in Germany when, his friends having given him some hock, a wine
+he detested, he exclaimed:
+
+  "In Spain, that land of priests and apes
+  The thing called wine doth come from grapes,
+  But where flows down the lordly Rhine
+  The thing called _gripes_ doth come from wine."
+
+No doubt he intended to show a coincidence in coupling together two
+words of nearly the same sound, but he represented the two things
+signified as cause and effect, not as identical, so as to form a pun.
+
+The difference between poetical and humorous comparisons may be
+generally stated to be that the former are upward towards something
+superior, the latter downwards towards something inferior. Tennyson
+calls Maud a "queen rose," and when we sing--
+
+                      "Happy fair,
+  Thine eyes are load stars, and thy tongue sweet air,"
+
+the comparison is inspiring, but, when Washington Irving speaks of a
+"vinegar-faced woman," we feel inclined to laugh. There are, however,
+exceptions to this rule. Socrates says that to compare a man to
+everything excellent is to insult him. Sometimes also a dwarf is
+compared to a giant for the purpose of calling attention to his
+insignificance. This is often seen in irony. So also, we at times laugh
+at the sagacity shown by the lower animals, which seems not so much to
+raise them in our estimation as to lower them by occasioning a
+comparison with the superior powers of man.
+
+Sometimes in comparisons between things very different, we cannot say
+one thing is not as good as another, but, with regard to a certain use,
+purpose, or design, there may be an evident inferiority. Thus
+comparisons are so often odious, that Wordsworth speaks of the blessing
+of being able to look at the world without making them. We may observe
+generally that when an idea is brought before us, which, instead of
+elevating and enlarging our previous conception, clashes and jangles
+with it, there is an approach towards the laughable.
+
+We cannot say that enthusiasm in Art or Science should not exist, and
+yet a manifestation of it seems absurd when we do not sympathise in it.
+The most amiable and beneficent of men, it has been remarked, "have
+always been a favourite subject of ridicule for the satirist and
+jester." Personal deformities seem absurd to some, but those who have
+made them their study see nothing extraordinary in them. Sometimes our
+laughter shows us that something seems wrong, which our highest ideal
+would approve. I remember seeing an aged man tottering along a rough
+road in France, with a heavy bag of geese on his back. One of his
+countrymen, who by the way have not too much reverence for age, came
+behind him and jovially exclaimed, "_Courage, mon ami, vous etes sur le
+chemin de Paradis_." The old man ought to have been glad to have been on
+the road to heaven, but our laughter reminds us that most would prefer
+to stay on earth.
+
+It must be admitted that our feelings with regard to right and wrong are
+very shifting and changeable, and that we condemn others for doing what
+we should ourselves have done under the same circumstances. We have also
+an especial tendency to adopt the view that what we are accustomed to is
+right. We sometimes observe this in morals, where it causes a
+considerable amount of confusion, but it holds greater sway over such
+light matters as awaken the sense of the ludicrous. When anything is
+presented to us different from what we have been long accustomed to,
+unless it is evidently better, we are inclined to consider it worse. In
+the same way, things which at first we consider wrong, we finally come
+to think unobjectionable.
+
+In taste and our sense of the ludicrous, we find ourselves greatly under
+the influence of habit. What seems to be a logical error is often found
+to be merely something to which we are unaccustomed; thus the double
+negative, which sounds to us absurd and equivalent to an affirmation, is
+used in many languages merely to give emphasis.
+
+How ridiculous do the manners of our forefathers now seem, their
+pig-tails, powder, and patches, the large fardingales, and the stiff and
+pompous etiquette. I remember a gentleman, a staunch admirer of the old
+school, who, lamenting over the lounging and lolling of the present day,
+said that his grandmother, even when dying, refused to relax into a
+recumbent posture. She was sitting erect even to her very last hour, and
+when the doctor suggested to her that she would find herself easier in a
+reposing posture, she replied, "No, sir, I prefer to die as I am," and
+she breathed her last, sitting bolt upright in her high-backed chair. So
+great indeed is the power of custom that it almost leads us to view
+artificial things as natural productions--to commit as great an error as
+that of the African King who said that "England must be a fine country,
+where the rivers flow with rum."
+
+Speaking theoretically, we may say that the opposition of either custom
+or morale is sufficient to extinguish the ludicrous, and that we do not
+laugh at what is wrong if we are used to it; or at what is unusual if we
+think it right. When there is a collision, we may regard the two as
+neutralizing each other. Still, for this to hold good, neither must
+predominate, and it will practically be found from the constitution of
+our minds, a small amount of custom will overcome a considerable amount
+of morale. In illustration of the above remarks, we might appropriately
+refer to those strange articles of wearing apparel called hats, the
+shape of which might suggest to those unaccustomed to them, that we were
+carrying some culinary utensil upon our head; and yet, if we saw a
+gentleman walking about bare-headed, like the Ancients, we should feel
+inclined to laugh.[24] But we will rather consider the recent fashion of
+wearing expanded dresses--those extraordinary "evening bells" which,
+until lately, occupied so much public attention, and consumed so many
+tons of iron. An octogenarian who could remember the tight skirts at the
+end of Queen Charlotte's reign, and had formed his taste upon that
+model, might have laughed heartily, if not too much offended at the
+change. But by degrees, custom would have asserted its sway to such an
+extent that, although he did not approve of them, they would not provoke
+his mirth; and yet, when he saw some of the ladies re-introducing tight
+dresses, he might not be able to laugh at them, as he still retained his
+early notions with regard to their propriety. But most of us are so
+influenced by the fashion of the day in dress, that the rights of the
+case would not have prevented our laughing at the shrimp-like appearance
+of those who first tried to bring in the present reform, and perhaps
+some of the stanch supporters of the more natural style could not have
+quite maintained their gravity, had one of their antiquated ideals been
+suddenly introduced among the wide-spreading ladies of the late period.
+
+To take another illustration. It would perhaps be in accordance with our
+highest desires that instinct should approach to reason as nearly as
+possible, and that all animals should act in the most judicious and
+beneficial way. Naturalists would be inclined to agree in this, and if
+this were the view we adopted, we should not laugh at dogs showing signs
+of intelligence; neither should we at their acting irrationally,
+because experience teaches us that they are not generally guided by
+reflection. But most of us are accustomed to consider reason the
+prerogative and peculiarity of man. And if we take the view that the
+lower animals have it not, we shall be inclined to smile when any of
+them show traces of it--any such exhibition seeming out of place, and
+leading us to compare them with men. But when we are accustomed to see a
+monkey taking off his hat, or playing a tambourine, or even smoking a
+pipe, we by degrees see nothing laughable in the performance.
+
+As our emotions are only excited with reference to human affairs, some
+have thought that all laughter must refer to them. Pope says, "Laughter
+implies censure, inanimate and irrational beings are not objects of
+censure, and may, therefore, be elevated as much as you please, and no
+ridicule follows." Addison writes to the same purpose. His words
+are:--"I am afraid I shall appear too abstract in my speculations if I
+shew that when a man of wit makes us laugh, it is by betraying some
+address or infirmity in his own character, or in the representation he
+makes of others, and that when we laugh at a brute, or even at an
+inanimate thing, it is by some action or incident that bears a remote
+analogy to some blunder or absurdity in reasonable creatures." It may
+be questioned whether we always go so far as to institute this
+comparison. Ludicrous events and circumstances seem often such as the
+individuals concerned have no control over whatever, and betray no
+infirmity. When we see a failure in a work of art, do we always think of
+the artist? A lady told me last autumn that when she was walking in a
+country town with her Italian greyhound, which was dressed in a red coat
+to protect it from cold, the tradespeople and most others passed it
+without notice, or merely with a passing word of commendation; but, on
+meeting a country bumpkin, he pointed to it, burst out laughing, and
+said, "Look at that daug, why, it's all the world like a littl' oss."
+Beattie thinks that the derision is not necessarily aimed at human
+beings, and probably it is not directly, but indirectly there seems to
+be some reference to man. Leon Dumont tells us that he once laughed on
+hearing a clap of thunder; it was in winter, and it seemed out of place
+that it should occur in cold weather. There can be nothing legitimately
+ludicrous in such occurrences. But, perhaps, _lusus naturae_ are not
+regarded as truly natural. Of course, they are really so, but not to us,
+for we have an ideal variously obtained of how Nature ought to act, and
+thus a man is able for the moment to imagine that something produced by
+Nature is not natural--just as we sometimes speak of "unnatural
+weather." But we seldom or ever laugh at such phenomena.
+
+We all have a certain resemblance to the old Athenians in wishing to
+hear something new. It generally pleases, and always impresses us.
+Novelty is in proportion to our ignorance, and can scarcely be said to
+exist at all absolutely, for although there is some change always in
+progress, it advances too slowly and certainly to produce anything
+startling or exciting. Novelty especially affects us with regard to the
+ludicrous, and some have, therefore, hastily concluded that it is
+sufficient to awaken this feeling.
+
+The strength and vividness of new emotions and impressions are
+especially traceable in their outward demonstrations. A very slight
+change occurring suddenly will often cause an ejaculation of alarm or
+admiration, especially among those of nervous temperament; but upon a
+repetition the excitement is less, and the nerves are scarcely affected.
+This peculiar law of the nervous system will account for the absence of
+laughter on the relation of any old or well-known story. Both pleasure
+and facial action are absent; but when we no longer feel the emotion of
+humour, we still have some notion that certain ideas awakened it, and
+would still do so under favourable circumstances,--that is when persons
+first conceived them. Here then we can recognise humour apart from
+novelty; but it is dead, its magic is no more. On the same principle, to
+laugh before telling a good story lessens its force, just as to break
+gradually melancholy tidings enables the recipient to bear them better.
+But nothing so effectually damps mirth as to premise that we are going
+to say something very laughable. Bacon observes, "Ipsa titillatio si
+praemoneas non magnopere in risum valet." Novelty is necessary to produce
+what Akenside felicitously calls "the gay surprise," but they are wrong
+who maintain that this is the essence of the ludicrous. An ingenious
+suggestion has been made that the reason why we cannot endure the
+repetition of a humorous story is that on a second relation the element
+of falsehood becomes too strong in proportion to that of truth. Such an
+explanation can scarcely be correct, for in many instances people would
+not be able to show what was the falsity contained. A man may often form
+a correct judgment as to the general failure of an attempt, without
+being able to show how it could be corrected. Probably after having
+heard a humorous story once we are prepared for something whimsical, and
+are therefore less affected on its repetition.
+
+We have already observed that certain emotions and states of mind are
+adverse to the ludicrous, and we now pass on to those which, like
+novelty, are favourable to it and have been at times considered elements
+of the ludicrous, but are really only concomitant and accessory. As we
+have observed, indelicacy, profanity, or a hostile joy at the downfall
+or folly of others is not in itself humorous. Pleasantry without pungent
+seasoning may be seen in those "facetious" verbal conceits which our
+American cousins, and especially "yours trooly," Artemus Ward, have been
+fond of framing. But accessory emotions are necessary to render humour
+demonstrative. They are generally unamiable, censorious, or otherwise
+offensive, perhaps in keeping with the disapproval excited by falsity.
+In some cases the two feelings of wrong are almost inextricably
+connected, but in others we can separate them without much difficulty.
+
+In the following instances the presence of an accessory emotion can
+easily be traced:--
+
+"'What have you brought me there?' asks a French publisher of a young
+author, who advances with a long roll under his arm. 'Is it a
+manuscript?' 'No, Sir,' replies the man of letters, pompously, 'a
+fortune!' 'Oh, a fortune! Take it to the publisher opposite, he is
+poorer than I am.'"
+
+(The disappointment of the author here adds considerably to our
+amusement at the ingenious answer of the publisher.)
+
+Two men, attired as a bishop and chaplain, entered one of the great
+jewellery establishments in Bond Street and asked to be shown some
+diamond rings. The bishop selected one worth a hundred pounds, but said
+he had only a fifty-pound note with him, and that he wished to take the
+ring away. The foreman took the note, and the bishop gave his address;
+but he had scarcely left when a policeman rushed in and asked where the
+two swindlers had gone. The foreman stood aghast, but said he had at
+least secured a fifty-pound note. The policeman asked to see it, and
+saying it was a flash note and that he would have it tested, left the
+shop and never returned.
+
+The amusement afforded by practical jokes is also largely dependent upon
+the discomfort of the victims. This kind of humour, happily now little
+known in this country, has been much in favour with Italian bandits, who
+occasionally unite whimsical fancy with great personal daring. A
+Piedmontese gentleman told me an instance in which two Counts, who were
+dining at an albergo, met a strange-looking man whom they took to be a
+sportsman like themselves. The conversation turned upon bandits, and the
+Counts expressed a hope that they might meet some, as they were well
+armed and would teach them a lesson. Their companion left before them,
+and walking along the road they were to take, ordered a labouring man
+whom he met to stand in an adjoining vineyard and hold up a vine-stake
+to his shoulder like a gun. As soon as the Counts' carriage came to the
+place the bandit rushed out, seized the horses, and called upon the
+Counts to deliver up their arms or he would order his men, whom they
+could see in the vineyard, to fire. The Counts not only obeyed the
+summons, but began to accuse one another of keeping something back.
+Shortly afterwards, on a doctor boasting in the same way, the bandit
+went out before him and stuck a bough in the road on which he hung a
+lantern. The doctor called out who's there? and was taking a deadly aim
+with his gun, when he was seized from behind and pinioned. The bandit
+said he should teach him a different lesson from that he deserved, and
+only deprived him of his gun.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+Nomenclature--Three Classes of Words--Distinction between Wit and
+  Humour--Wit sometimes dangerous, generally innocuous.
+
+
+The subject of which we have been treating in these volumes will suggest
+to us the logical distinctions to be drawn between three classes of
+words. First, we have those which imply that we are regarding something
+external, awakening laughter as the _ludicrous_ from _ludus_, a game,
+especially pointing to antics and gambols; the _ridiculous_ from _rideo_
+to laugh, referring to that which occasions a demonstrative movement in
+the muscles of the countenance--implying a strong emotion, often of
+contempt, and generally applied to persons, as the ludicrous is to
+circumstances; the _grotesque_ referring to strangeness in form, such as
+is seen in fantastic _grottoes_, or in the quaint figures of sylvan
+deities which the Ancients placed in them, and the _absurd_, properly
+referring to acts of people who are defective in faculties.
+
+The ludicrous is often used in philosophical works to signify a
+feeling, and our second class will contain words which may refer either
+to something external or to the mind, such as _droll_, (from the German)
+_comical_, _amusing_, and _funny_. To say "I do not see any fun in it,"
+is different from saying "I do not see any fun in him," and a man may be
+called funny, either in laudation or disparagement.
+
+In the third class we place such words as refer to the mind alone as the
+source of amusement, and under this head we may place Humour as a
+general and generic term. Raillery and sarcasm (from a Greek word "to
+tear flesh") refer especially to the expression of the feeling in
+language, and irony from its covert nature generally requires assistance
+from the voice and manner. Some words refer especially to literature,
+and never to any attacks made on present company. Of these, satire aims
+at making a man odious or ridiculous; lampoon, contemptible. Satire is
+the rapier; lampoon the broadsword, or even the cudgel--the former
+points to the heart and wounds sharply, the latter deals a dull and
+blundering blow, often falling wide of the mark. In general a different
+man selects a different weapon; the educated and refined preferring
+satire; the rude and more vulgar, lampoon--one adopting what is keen and
+precise, the other seeking rough and irrelevant accessories. But clever
+men, to gain others over to them by amusement, have sometimes taken the
+clumsier means, and while placing their victim nearer the level of the
+brutes than of humanity, have not struck so straight; for the
+improbability they have introduced has in it so much that is fantastic
+that their attack seems mostly playful, if not bordering on the
+ludicrous.
+
+Lampoon was the earliest kind of humorous invective; we have an instance
+of it in Homer's Thersites. Buffoonery differs from lampoon in being
+carried on in acting, instead of words. The latter is rather based upon
+some moral delinquency or imperfection; the former aims merely at
+amusement, and resembles burlesque in being generally optical, and
+containing little malice. Both come under the category of broad humour,
+which is excessive in accessory emotion, and in most cases deficient in
+complication. Caricature resembles them both in being often concerned
+with deformity. It appeals to the senses rather than to the emotions.
+The complication in it is never very good when it is confined to
+pictorial representation, as we may observe that without some
+explanation we should seldom know what a design was intended to portray;
+and when the word means description in writing it still retains some of
+its original reference to sight, and is concerned principally with form
+and optical similitudes.
+
+Although Wit and Humour are often used as synonymous, the fact of two
+words being in use, and the attempts which have been made to
+discriminate between them, prove that there must be a distinction in
+signification.[25] It is so fine that many able writers have failed to
+detect it. Lord Macaulay considered wit to refer to contrasts sought
+for, humour to those before our eyes--but such an explanation is not
+altogether satisfactory. Humour originally meant moisture, or any limpid
+subtle fluid, and so came to signify the disposition or turn of the
+mind--just as spirit, originally breath or wind, came to signify the
+soul of man. In Ben Jonson's time it had this signification, as in one
+of his plays entitled "Every Man in his Humour." Dispositions being very
+different, it came to signify fancy--as where Burton, author of the
+"Anatomy of Melancholy," is called humorous--and also the whimsical Sir
+W. Thornhill in the "Vicar of Wakefield"--and finally meant the feeling
+which appreciates the ludicrous, though we sometimes use the old sense
+in speaking of a good-humoured man.
+
+Wit is a Saxon word, and originally signified Wisdom--a witte was a wise
+man, and the Saxon Parliament was called the Wittenagemot. We may
+suppose that wisdom did not then so much imply learning as natural
+sagacity, and came to refer to such ingenious attempts as those in the
+Exeter Book. Here would be a basis for the later meaning, especially if
+some of the old saws came to be regarded as ludicrous, but for a long
+time afterwards wit signified talent, whether humorous or otherwise, and
+as late as Elizabeth the "wits" were often used as synonymous with
+judgment. Steele, introducing Pope's "Messiah" in the Spectator, says
+that it is written by a friend of his "who is not ashamed to employ his
+wit in the praise of of his Maker." Addison introduced the word genius,
+and the other was relegated to humorous conceits--a change no doubt
+facilitated by the short and monosyllabic form and sound. The word
+_facetus_ seems to have undergone the same transition in Latin, for
+Horace speaks of Virgil having possessed the _facetum_ in poetry.
+
+Humour may be dry--may consist of subtle inuendoes of a somewhat
+uncertain character not devoid of pleasantry, perhaps, but indistinctly
+felt, and not calculated to raise laughter. This has led some to observe
+that in contradistinction to it--"Wit is sharply defined like a
+crystal." So Mr. Dallas writes, "Wit is of the known and definite;
+humour is of the unknown and indefinable. Wit is the unexpected
+exhibition of some clearly defined contrast or disproportion; humour the
+unexpected indication of a vague discordance, in which the sense or the
+perception of ignorance is prominent." "Wit is the comedy of knowledge,
+humour of ignorance." But we must observe in opposition to this view
+that humour may be too clearly defined, as in puns or caricatures, it
+may be broad--but who ever heard of broad wit. The retort often made by
+those who have been severely hit, "You're very witty," or "You think
+you're very witty," could not be expressed by, "You're very humorous,"
+which would have neither irony nor point, not implying any pretension.
+Nothing that smells of the lamp, or refers much to particular
+experience, or second-hand information, deserves the name of wit, and
+although it may be recorded in writing, it generally implies impromptu
+speech. There seems to be a kind of inspiration in it, and we are
+inclined to regard it, like any other great advantage, as a natural
+gift. "If you have real wit," says Lord Chesterfield, "it will grow
+spontaneously, and you need not aim at it, for in that case the rule of
+the gospel is reversed and it will prove, 'Seek, and ye shall not
+find.'" Thus, we speak of a man's mother wit, _i.e._ innate, but we do
+not call a story witty, as much in it is due to circumstances, and does
+not necessarily flow from talent. To speak of a woman as "of great wit
+and beauty" is to pay a high compliment to her mental as well as
+personal charms.
+
+As wit must be always intellectual it must be in words, and hence as
+well as because it must imply impromptu talent, the comic situations of
+a farce or pantomime are not witty. When Poole represents Paul Pry as
+peeping through a gimlet hole, as attacked with a red hot poker, or
+blown out of a closet full of fireworks, and where Douglas Jerrold on
+the Bridge of Ludgate makes the innkeeper tells Charles II., in his
+disguise, all the bad stories he has heard about his Majesty, we merely
+see the humour, unless we are so far abstracted as to regard the scene
+as ludicrous. In the same way a conversation between foolish men on the
+stage may be amusing, but cannot be witty.
+
+An old stanza tells us--
+
+  "True wit is like the brilliant stone
+    Dug from the Indian mine.
+  Which boasts two various powers in one
+    To cut as well as shine."
+
+Bacon observes that those who make others afraid of their wit had need
+be afraid of others' memory. And Sterne says that there is as great a
+difference between the memory of jester and jestee as between the purse
+of the mortgager and mortgagee. Humour is fully as unamiable as wit, but
+the latter has obtained the worse character simply because it is the
+more salient of the two. There is always a jealous and ill-natured side
+to human nature which gives a semblance of truth to Rochefoucauld's
+saying that we are not altogether grieved at the misfortunes even of our
+friends; and wit often, from its point and the element of truth it
+possesses, has been used to add a sting and adhesiveness to malevolent
+attacks. Writers therefore often remind us to be sparing and circumspect
+in the use of wit, as if it were necessarily, instead of accidentally
+offensive.
+
+As an instance of the danger of wit, I may mention a case in which two
+celebrated divines, one of the "high" church, and the other of the
+"broad" church school, had been attacking and confuting one another in
+rival reviews. They met accidentally at an evening party, and the high
+churchman, who was a well-known wit, could not forbear exclaiming, as he
+grasped the other's hand, "The Augurs have met face to face"--an
+observation which, if it implied anything, must have meant that they
+were both hypocrites.
+
+Those who consider humour objectionable, have no idea of the variety of
+circumstances under which our emotions may be excited. A man may smile
+at his own misfortunes after they are over--sometimes our laughter seems
+scarcely directed against anyone, and in the most profane and indelicate
+humour there is often nothing personal.
+
+Occasionally it is too general to wound, being aimed at nations, as in
+my old friend's saying, "The French do not know what they want, and will
+never be satisfied until they get it," or it may strike at the great
+mass of mankind, as when one of the same dissatisfied nation calls
+marriage "a tiresome book with a very fine preface." There is nothing
+unamiable in Goldsmith's reflection upon the rustic simplicity of the
+villagers, when he says of the schoolmaster--
+
+    "And still the wonder grew,
+  How one small head could carry all he knew."
+
+Again, we may ask, what person can be possibly injured by most of the
+humorous stories in which our Transatlantic cousins delight, such as
+that an American, describing a severe winter said, "Why I had a cow on
+my farm up the Hudson river, and she got in among the ice, and was
+carried down three miles before we could get her out again. And what do
+you suppose has been the consequence? why, she has milked nothing but
+ice-cream ever since."
+
+How little of the humour, which is always floating around and makes life
+and society enjoyable, ever gives pain to anybody; how few men there
+really are who, as it is said, would rather lose a friend than a joke.
+Most strokes are directed against imaginary persons, it is generally
+recognised that what seems wrong to one may seem right to another, and
+no man of common honesty can deny that he has often ridiculed others for
+faults which he would have committed himself. This confession might be
+well made by the most of our humorists.
+
+But although humour should not be offensive, it would be wrong to
+consider that its proper duty is to inculcate virtue. This is no more
+its office than it is that of a novel to give sage advice, or of a poem
+to teach science. Herein Addison's excellent feelings seem to have led
+him astray, for speaking of false humour he says that "it is all one to
+it whether it exposes vice and folly, luxury and avarice, or, on the
+contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty." From what he says, we
+might conclude that true humour was that which attacks vice, and false
+that which makes against virtue. But although it is good to have a
+worthy object, this has nothing to do with the quality of humour. We
+have less enjoyment of ridicule when it is directed against a virtuous
+man, but we also feel little when the principal element in it is moral
+instruction.
+
+There is no reason why we should view laughter at what is ludicrous as
+something objectionable. The more intelligent portion of the civilised
+world is not now amused at the real sufferings or misfortunes of others.
+If a man be run over in the street, and have his leg broken, we all
+sympathise with him. But some pains which have no serious result are
+still treated with levity, such as those of a gouty foot, of the
+extraction of a tooth, or of little boys birched at school.
+
+The actions of people in pain are strange and abnormal, and sometimes
+seem unaccountable; it is not the mere suffering at which any are
+amused. We can sometimes laugh at a person, although we feel for him,
+where the incentive to mirth is much stronger than the call for
+sympathy. Still we confess that some of the old malice lingers among us,
+some skulking cruelty peeps out at intervals. Fiendish laughter has
+departed with the Middle Ages, but what delights the schoolboy more than
+the red-hot poker in the pantomime?
+
+Wit is chiefly to be recommended as a source of enjoyment; to many this
+will seem no great or legitimate object, for we cannot help drawing a
+very useful distinction between pleasure and profit. The lines,
+
+  "There are whom heaven has blessed with store of wit
+  Yet want as much again to manage it;
+  For wit and judgment ever are at strife,
+  Though meant, each others, and like man and wife,"
+
+teach us that talent of this kind may be often turned into a fruitful
+channel. The politician can by humour influence his audience; the man of
+society can make himself popular, and perhaps without this
+recommendation would never have had an opportunity of gaining his
+knowledge of the world. When by some happy turn of thought we are
+successful in raising a laugh, we seem to receive a kind of ovation, the
+more valuable because sincere. We are allowed a superiority, we have
+achieved a victory, though it may be but momentary and unimportant.
+
+In daily life our sense of the ludicrous leads us to mark many small
+errors and blemishes, which we should have overlooked had it not given
+us pleasure to notice them, and thus from observing the failures of
+others we learn to correct our own. Much that would be offensive, if not
+injurious, is thus avoided, and those little angles are removed which
+obstruct the onward course of society. A sensible man will gain more by
+being ridiculed than praised, just as adverse criticism, when judicious,
+ought to raise rather than depress. Lever remarks, with regard to
+acquiring languages, that "as the foreigner is too polite to laugh, the
+stranger has little chance to learn." A compendium of humorous sayings
+would, if rightly read, give a valuable history of our shortcomings in
+the different relations of life. Louis XII., when urged to punish some
+insolent comedian, replied, "No, no; in the course of their ribaldry
+they may sometimes tell us useful truths; let them amuse themselves,
+provided they respect the ladies."
+
+Finally, what presage can we form of the future from the experience of
+the past? We may expect the augmenting emotion in humour to become less,
+and of a more aesthetical character, indelicacy, profanity, and hostility
+have been considerably modified even since the commencement of this
+century. Humour will, by degrees, become more intellectual and more
+refined, less dependent upon the senses and passions. At some time far
+hence allusions will be greatly appreciated, the complexity of which our
+obtuser faculties would now be unable to understand. Still, as keen and
+excellent wit is a rare gift, some even of the ancient sayings will
+doubtless survive.
+
+By some, humour has been called a "morbid secretion," and its extinction
+has been foretold, but history, the only unerring guide, teaches us that
+it will increase in amount and improve in quality. Man cannot exist
+without emotion, and as we have seen various forms and subjects of
+humour successively arising, so we may be sure in future ages fresh
+fields for it will be constantly opening. When we consider how necessary
+amusement is to all, and how bounteously it has been supplied by
+Providence, we shall feel certain that man will always have beside him
+this light, which although it cannot lead as a star, can still brighten
+his path and cheer his spirits upon the pilgrimage of life.
+
+
+
+
+FOOTNOTES
+
+[1] Properly Centrones, from a Greek word signifying patchwork.
+
+[2] In which the various kinds of fish are introduced in mock heroic
+verse. It dates from the fifth century B.C.
+
+[3] About this time Addison and Bishop Attenbury first called attention
+to the beauties of Milton.
+
+[4] Ale-houses at Oxford.
+
+[5] A game at cards.
+
+[6] Haynes writes, "I have known a gentleman of another turn of humour,
+who despises the name of author, never printed his works, but contracted
+his talent, and by the help of a very fine diamond which he wore on his
+little finger, was a considerable poet on glass." He had a very good
+epigrammatic wit; and there was not a parlour or tavern window where he
+visited or dined for some years, which did not receive some sketches or
+memorials of it. It was his misfortune at last to lose his genius and
+his ring to a sharper at play, and he has not attempted to make a verse
+since.
+
+[7] This seems taken from a Spanish story.
+
+[8] Supposed to be Mrs. Manley, against whom Steele had a grudge.
+
+[9] He was buried in Portugal Street graveyard, but was removed in 1853
+on the erection of the new buildings of King's College Hospital.
+
+[10] Smollett, of whom we shall speak in the next chapter, published
+before Sterne, though a younger man.
+
+[11] Dodsley was never averse from having a hit at the church, as in the
+epigram:
+
+  "Cries Sylvia to a reverend dean
+     What reason can be given,
+   Since marriage is a holy thing,
+     That there are none in heaven?
+
+  "'There are no women,' he replied,
+     She quick returns the jest,
+   'Women there are, but I'm afraid
+     They cannot find a priest.'"
+
+
+
+[12] There was a considerable amount of humour in it. Among the articles
+offered for sale in the toy-shop is, "the least box that ever was seen
+in England," in which nevertheless, "a courtier may deposit his
+sincerity, a lawyer may screw up his honesty, and a poet may hoard up
+his money."
+
+[13] This introduction to popularity reminds us of the poet Lover, who
+would never have been so well known had not Madame Vestris, when in want
+of a comic song, selected "Rory O'More," which afterwards became so
+famous. The celebrated enigma on the letter H was also produced by a
+suggestion accidentally made overnight, and developed before morning by
+Miss Fanshawe into beautiful lines formerly ascribed to Byron.
+
+[14] A girl, who had been unfortunate in love.
+
+[15] Byron showed his love of humour even in some of these early
+effusions, speaking of his college he says:
+
+  "Our choir would scarcely be excused,
+    Even as a band of raw beginners:
+  All mercy, now, must be refused
+    To such a set of croaking sinners.
+  If David, when his toils were ended
+    Had heard these blockheads sing before him,
+  To us his psalms had ne'er descended;
+    In furious mood, he would have tore 'em."
+
+
+
+[16] The saying "He that fights and runs away, shall live to fight
+another day," is as old as the days of Menander.
+
+[17] Beattie was unfortunate in selecting Moliere for his comparison,
+for his humour is especially that of situation and can be tolerably well
+understood by a foreigner.
+
+[18] Thus we speak of "fried ice" or "ice with the chill off."
+
+[19] It may be observed that as men's perceptions of humour are
+different, so in the expression of them there is a character about
+laughter in accordance with its subject, and with the person from whom
+it comes.
+
+[20] This term seems the nearest, though not quite accurate.
+
+[21] Ruskin observes that the smile on the lips of the Apollo Belvedere
+is inconsistent with divinity.
+
+[22] The false generalisations of childhood are well represented by
+Dickens when, in "Great Expectations," he makes Pip discover a singular
+affinity between seeds and corduroys. "Mr. Pumblechook wore corduroys,
+and so did his shopman, and somehow there was a general air and flavour
+about the corduroys so much in the nature of seeds, and such a general
+air and flavour about the seeds in the nature of corduroys that I hardly
+knew which was which."
+
+[23] Critias was one of the thirty tyrants who condemned him.
+
+[24] That the present style of men's dress is unbecoming strikes us
+forcibly when we see it reproduced in statues, where we are not used to
+it.
+
+[25] Cicero uses two corresponding words cavillatio and dicacitas, the
+former signifying continuous, the latter aphoristic humour.
+
+
+END.
+
+
+London: Printed by A. Schulze, 13 Poland Street.
+
+
+
+***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF ENGLISH HUMOUR, VOL. 2
+(OF 2)***
+
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