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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Our Deportment, by John H. Young
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Our Deportment
+       Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society
+
+
+Author: John H. Young
+
+
+
+Release Date: January 25, 2006  [eBook #17609]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR DEPORTMENT***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, MandM, and the Project Gutenberg
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net/)
+
+
+
+Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this
+      file which includes the original illustrations.
+      See 17609-h.htm or 17609-h.zip:
+      (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h/17609-h.htm)
+      or
+      (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h.zip)
+
+
+
+
+
+OUR DEPORTMENT
+
+Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society;
+INCLUDING
+Forms for Letters, Invitations, Etc., Etc. Also, Valuable
+Suggestions on Home Culture and Training.
+
+Compiled from the Latest Reliable Authorities,
+
+by
+
+JOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.
+
+Revised and Illustrated.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+F. B. Dickerson & Co.,
+Detroit, Mich.   St. Louis, Mo.
+Pennsylvania Publishing Co.,
+Harrisburgh, Pa.
+Union Publishing House,
+Chicago, Ill.
+1881.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+To go through this life with good manners possessed,
+Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed,
+For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal
+The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Copyrighted
+by
+Freeman B. Dickerson,
+1879 and 1881.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Preface.
+
+
+No one subject is of more importance to people generally than a
+knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society, which are
+commonly expressed by the word "Etiquette." Its necessity is felt
+wherever men and women associate together, whether in the city, village,
+or country town, at home or abroad. To acquire a thorough knowledge of
+these matters, and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease
+and self-complacency, is what people call good breeding. To display an
+ignorance of them, is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being
+ill-bred.
+
+In the compilation of this work, the object has been to present the
+usages and rules which govern the most refined American society, and to
+impart that information which will enable any one, in whatever
+circumstances of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or
+the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady, whose
+presence will be sought for, and who, by their graceful deportment will
+learn the art of being at home in any good society.
+
+The work is so arranged, that every subject is conveniently classified
+and subdivided; it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given
+subject. It has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points
+that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette, even upon matters of
+seemingly trivial importance. Upon some hitherto disputed points, those
+rules are given, which are sustained by the best authorities and
+endorsed by good sense.
+
+As the work is not the authorship of any one individual, and as no
+individual, whatever may be his acquirements, could have the presumption
+to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general, it is therefore
+only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and
+latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters,
+while such additional material has been embraced within its pages, as,
+it is hoped, will be found of benefit and interest to every American
+household.
+
+                                                               J.H.Y.
+
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Contents.
+
+
+ CHAPTER I.
+                                                                   PAGE.
+ INTRODUCTORY                                                        13
+
+
+ CHAPTER II.
+
+ MANNERS.
+
+ Good manners as an element of worldly success--Manner an index of
+ character--The true gentleman--The true lady--Importance of
+ trifles--Value of pleasing manners--Personal appearance enhanced and
+ fortunes made by pleasing manners--Politeness the outgrowth of good
+ manners                                                             20
+
+
+ CHAPTER III.
+
+ INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+ Acquaintances thus formed--Promiscuous, informal and casual
+ introductions--Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a
+ gentleman--Introduction at a ball--The manner of introduction--Introducing
+ relatives--Obligatory introductions--Salutations after
+ introduction--Introducing one's self--Letters of introduction--How they
+ are to be delivered--Duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is
+ addressed--Letters of introduction for business purposes              31
+
+
+ CHAPTER IV.
+
+ SALUTATIONS.
+
+ The salutation originally an act of worship--Its form in different
+ nations--The bow, its proper mode--Words of salutation--Manner of
+ bowing--Duties of the young to older people--How to avoid
+ recognition--Etiquette of handshaking--Kissing as a mode of
+ salutation--The kiss of friendship--The kiss of respect              42
+
+
+ CHAPTER V.
+
+ ETIQUETTE ON CALLS.
+
+ Morning calls--Evening calls--Rules for formal calls--Calls at Summer
+ resorts--Reception days--Calls made by cards--Returning the first
+ call--Calls after a betrothal takes place--Forming new acquaintance by
+ calls--The first call, by whom to be made--Calls of
+ Congratulation--Visits of condolence--Keeping an account of
+ calls--Evening visits--"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers--General
+ rules relative to calls--New Year's calls                            52
+
+
+ CHAPTER VI.
+
+ ETIQUETTE ON VISITING.
+
+ General invitations not to be accepted--The limit of a prolonged
+ visit--Duties of a visitor--Duties of the host or hostess--True
+ hospitality--Leave-taking--Invitations to guests--Forbearance with
+ children--Guests making presents--Treatment of a host's friends      69
+
+
+ CHAPTER VII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF CARDS.
+
+ Visiting and calling cards--Their size and style--Wedding cards--Leaving
+ cards in calling--Cards for mother and daughter--Cards not to be sent in
+ envelopes to return formal calls--Glazed cards not in fashion--P.P.C.
+ cards--Cards of congratulation--When sent--Leave cards in making first
+ calls of the season and after invitations--Mourning cards--Christmas and
+ Easter cards--Cards of condolence--Bridegroom's card.                 75
+
+
+ CHAPTER VIII.
+
+ CONVERSATION.
+
+ Character revealed by conversation--Importance of conversing
+ well--Children should be trained to talk well--Cultivation of the
+ memory--Importance of remembering names--How Henry Clay acquired this
+ habit--Listening--Writing down one's thoughts--Requisites for a good
+ talker--Vulgarisms--Flippancy--Sympathizing with another--Bestowing
+ compliments--Slang--Flattery--Scandal and gossip--Satire and
+ ridicule--Religion and politics to be avoided--Bestowing of
+ titles--Interrupting another while talking--Adaptability in
+ conversation--Correct use of words--Speaking one's mind--Profanity
+ --Display of knowledge--Double entendres--Impertinent questions
+ --Things to be avoided in conversation--Hobbies--Fault-finding
+ --Disputes                                                            84
+
+
+ CHAPTER IX.
+
+ DINNER PARTIES.
+
+ Dinners are entertainments for married people--Whom to invite--Forms of
+ invitations--Punctuality required--The success of a dinner party--Table
+ appointments--Proper size of a dinner party--Arrangement of guests at
+ table--Serving dinner a la Russe--Duties of servants--Serving the
+ dishes--General rules regarding dinner--Waiting on others--Monopolizing
+ conversation--Duties of hostess and host--Retiring from the table--Calls
+ required after a dinner party--Returning hospitalities--Expensive
+ dinners not the most enjoyable--Wines at dinners                     106
+
+
+ CHAPTER X.
+
+ TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Importance of acquiring good habits at the table--Table appointments for
+ breakfast, luncheon and dinner--Use of the knife and fork--Of the
+ napkin--Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness--General
+ rules on the subject                                                 123
+
+
+ CHAPTER XI.
+
+ RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS.
+
+ Morning receptions--The dress and refreshments for
+ them--Invitations--Musical matinees--Parties in the country--Five
+ o'clock teas and kettle-drums--Requisites for a successful
+ ball--Introductions at a ball--Receiving guests--The number to
+ invite--Duties of the guests--General rules to be observed at
+ balls--Some suggestions for gentlemen--Duties of an escort--Preparations
+ for a ball--The supper--An after-call required                       129
+
+
+ CHAPTER XII.
+
+ STREET ETIQUETTE.
+
+ The street manners of a lady--Forming street acquaintances--Recognizing
+ friends in the street--Saluting a lady--Passing through a crowd--The
+ first to bow--Do not lack politeness--How a lady and gentleman should
+ walk together--When to offer the lady the arm--Going up and down
+ stairs--Smoking in the streets--Carrying packages--Meeting a lady
+ acquaintance--Corner loafers--Shouting in the street--Shopping
+ etiquette--For public conveyances--Cutting acquaintances--General
+ suggestions                                                          145
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
+
+ Conduct in church--Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts--Conduct
+ in public assemblages--Remain until the performance closes--Conduct in
+ picture galleries--Behavior at charity fairs--Conduct at an artist's
+ studio                                                                157
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIV.
+
+ TRAVELING ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone--Duties of an escort--Duties
+ of a lady to her escort--Ladies should assist other ladies traveling
+ alone--The seats to be occupied in a railway car--Discretion to be used
+ in forming acquaintances in traveling                                167
+
+
+ CHAPTER XV.
+
+ RIDING AND DRIVING.
+
+ Learning to ride on horseback--The gentleman's duty as an escort in
+ riding--How to assist a lady to mount--Riding with ladies--Assisting a
+ lady to alight from a horse--Driving--The seat of honor in a
+ carriage--Trusting the driver                                        174
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVI.
+
+ COURTSHIP.
+
+ Proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies toward each other--Premature
+ declaration of love--Love at first sight--Proper manner of
+ courtship--Parents should exercise authority over daughters--An
+ acceptable suitor--Requirements for a happy marriage--Proposals of
+ marriage--A gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit--A lady's
+ refusal--A doubtful answer--Unladylike conduct toward a suitor--The
+ rejected suitor--Asking consent of parents--Presents after
+ engagement--Conduct and relations of the engaged couple--Lovers'
+ quarrels--Breaking an engagement                                     179
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVII.
+
+ WEDDING ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers--The bridal costume
+ Costumes of bridegroom and ushers--Presents of the bride and
+ bridegroom--Ceremonials at church when there are no bridemaids or
+ ushers--Invitations to the ceremony alone--The latest
+ ceremonials--Weddings at home--The evening wedding--"At home"
+ receptions--Calls--The wedding ring--Marriage ceremonials of a
+ widow--Form of invitations to a reception--Duties of invited guests--Of
+ bridemaids and ushers--Bridal presents--Master of ceremonies--Wedding
+ fees--Congratulations--The bridal tour                               194
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+ HOME LIFE AND ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Home the woman's kingdom--Home companionship--Conduct of husband and
+ wife--Duties of the wife to her husband--The wife a helpmate--The
+ husband's duties                                                     208
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIX.
+
+ HOME TRAINING.
+
+ First lessons learned at home--Parents should set good examples to their
+ children--Courtesies in the home circle--Early moral training of
+ children--The formation of their habits--Politeness at home--Train
+ children for some occupation--Bad temper--Selfishness--Home maxims   216
+
+
+ CHAPTER XX.
+
+ HOME CULTURE.
+
+ Cultivate moral courage--The pernicious influence of
+ indolence--Self-respect--Result of good breeding at home--Fault-finding
+ and grumbling--Family jars not to be made public--Conflicting
+ interests--Religious education--Obedience--Influence of example--The
+ influence of books                                                   225
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ WOMAN'S HIGHER EDUCATION.
+
+ Its importance--Train young women to some occupation--Education of girls
+ too superficial--An education appropriate to each sex--Knowledge of the
+ laws of health needed by women--Idleness the source of all misery--A
+ spirit of independence--Health and life dependent upon a higher
+ culture--Cultivation of the moral sense                              233
+
+ CHAPTER XXII.
+
+ THE LETTER WRITER.
+
+ Letter writing is an indication of good breeding--Requirements for
+ correct writing--Anonymous letters--Note paper to be used--Forms of
+ letters and notes--Forms of addressing notes and letters--Forms of
+ signature--Letters of introduction--When to be given--Notes of
+ invitation and replies thereto--Acceptances and regrets--Formal
+ invitations must be answered--Letters of friendship--Love
+ letters--Business letters and correspondence--Form of letter requesting
+ employment--Regarding the character of a servant--Forms for notes,
+ drafts, bills and receipts                                           242
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ GENERAL RULES TO GOVERN CONDUCT.
+
+ Attention to the young in society--Gracefulness of carriage--Attitude,
+ coughing, sneezing, etc.--Anecdotes, puns, etc.--A sweet and pure
+ breath--Smoking--A good listener--Give precedence to others--Be moderate
+ in speaking--Singing and playing in society--Receiving and making
+ presents--Governing our moods--A lady driving with a gentleman--An
+ invitation cannot be recalled--Avoid talking of personalities--Shun gossip
+ and tale bearing--Removing the hat--Intruding on privacy--Politeness
+ --Adapting yourself to others--Contradicting--A woman's good name
+ --Expressing unfavorable opinions--Vulgarities--Miscellaneous rules
+ governing conduct--Washington's maxims                               266
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+ ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+ How and when they are celebrated--The paper, cotton and leather
+ weddings--The wooden wedding--The tin wedding--The crystal wedding--The
+ silver wedding--The golden wedding--The diamond wedding--Presents at
+ anniversary weddings--Forms of invitations, etc.                     285
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXV.
+
+ BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.
+
+ Naming the child--The christening--Godparents or sponsors--Presents from
+ godparents--The ceremony--The breakfast--Christening gifts--The hero of
+ the day--Fees                                                        291
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVI
+
+ FUNERALS.
+
+ Death notices and funeral invitations--Arrangement for the funeral--The
+ house of mourning--Conducting the funeral services--The pall-bearers
+ --Order of the procession--Floral and other decorations--Calls upon the
+ bereaved family--Seclusion of the family                             296
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.
+
+ Social duties required of the President and his family--Receptions at
+ the White House--Order of official rank--Duties required of members of
+ the cabinet and their families--How to address officials--The first to
+ visit                                                                303
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF FOREIGN COURTS.
+
+ Foreign titles--Royalty--The nobility--The gentry--Esquires--Imperial
+ rank--European titles--Presentation at the court of St. James--Those
+ eligible and ineligible for presentation--Preliminaries--Presentation
+ costumes                                                             308
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+ BUSINESS.
+
+ The example of a merchant prince--Keep your temper--Honesty the best
+ policy--Form good habits--Breaking an appointment--Prompt payment of
+ bills, notes and drafts--General suggestions                         315
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXX.
+
+ DRESS.
+
+ Requirements for dressing well--Perils of the love of dress to weak
+ minds--Consistency in dress--Extravagance--Indifference to
+ dress--Appropriate dress--The wearing of gloves--Evening or full dress
+ for gentlemen--Morning dress for gentlemen--Evening or full dress for
+ ladies--Ball dresses--The full dinner dress--For receiving and making
+ morning calls--Morning dress for street--Carriage dress--Promenade dress
+ and walking suit--Opera dress--The riding dress--For women of
+ business--Ordinary evening dress--For a social party--Dress for the
+ theater, lecture and concert--Archery, croquet and skating
+ costumes--Bathing dress--For traveling--The bridal costume--Dress of
+ bridemaids--At wedding receptions--Mourning dress--How long mourning
+ should be worn                                                      320
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXI.
+
+ COLORS AND THEIR HARMONY IN DRESS.
+
+ The proper arrangement of colors--The colors adapted to different
+ persons--Material for dress--Size in relation to color and dress--A list
+ of colors that harmonize                                             341
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXII.
+
+ THE TOILET.
+
+ Importance of neatness and cleanliness--Perfumes--The bath--The teeth
+ and their care--The skin--The eyes, eyelashes and brows--The hair and
+ beard--The hands and feet                                            351
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXIII.
+
+ TOILET RECIPES.
+
+ To remove freckles, pimples and sunburn--To beautify the complexion--To
+ prevent the hair falling out--Pomades and hair oils--Sea foam or dry
+ shampoo--To prevent the hair turning gray--To soften the skin--To
+ cleanse the teeth--Remedy for chapped hands--For corns and chilblains,
+ etc.                                                                 372
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXIV.
+
+ SPORTS, GAMES AND AMUSEMENTS.
+
+ Archery and its practice--Lawn Tennis--Boating--Picnics--Private
+ Theatricals--Card playing                                            398
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXV.
+
+ LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS,                                                 410
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+ PRECIOUS STONES,                                                     423
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Introductory.
+
+          "Ingenious Art with her expressive face,
+           Steps forth to fashion and refine the race."--COWPER.
+
+
+A knowledge of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules
+of society at its best. These rules have been the outgrowth of centuries
+of civilization, had their foundation in friendship and love of man for
+his fellow man--the vital principles of Christianity--and are most
+powerful agents for promoting peace, harmony and good will among all
+people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized
+government. In all civilized countries the influence of the best society
+is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation, but
+in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more
+powerfully felt than in our own, "the land of the future, where mankind
+may plant, essay, and resolve all social problems." These rules make
+social intercourse more agreeable, and facilitate hospitalities, when
+all members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard
+their observance. They are to society what our laws are to the people as
+a political body, and to disregard them will give rise to constant
+misunderstandings, engender ill-will, and beget bad morals and bad
+manners.
+
+Says an eminent English writer: "On manners, refinement, rules of good
+breeding, and even the forms of etiquette, we are forever talking,
+judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and
+unwritten laws, and choosing our society and even our friends by the
+touchstone of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert expressed opinions
+which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote
+to her son: "Nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness. Men
+have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common
+good; they have made laws to restrain the wicked; they have agreed among
+themselves as to the duties of society, and have annexed an honorable
+character to the practice of those duties. He is the honest man who
+observes them with the most exactness, and the instances of them
+multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor."
+
+Originally a gentleman was defined to be one who, without any title of
+nobility, wore a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early
+colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings
+which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother
+country. Although despising titles and ignoring the rights of kings,
+they still clung to the "grand old name of gentleman." But race is no
+longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with
+learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present the
+kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the
+principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth
+combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and
+consideration of the feelings of others.
+
+Good manners are only acquired by education and observation, followed up
+by habitual practice at home and in society, and good manners reveal to
+us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not possess them, though he
+bear the highest title of nobility, cannot expect to be called a
+gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners, aspire to be
+considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are indissolubly allied,
+and no society can be good where they are bad. It is the duty of
+American women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of
+morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually
+upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.
+
+As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self-improvement
+should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve
+with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of
+social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of
+discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best
+society whose lack of education and whose rude manners will totally
+unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even
+more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may be
+considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.
+
+The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men should
+do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true
+politeness--principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to
+our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of so
+being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the man or
+woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred. The people,
+thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to make
+an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept one when
+it is made. "The noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted."
+
+In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of
+ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule,
+"Do unto others, as they do unto you," is more often put into practice
+than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of
+forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in
+spirit; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended
+to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the
+injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for
+peace.
+
+Society is divided into sets, according to their breeding. One set may
+be said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another
+more, and another enough; and between the first and last of these, there
+are more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in
+essence everywhere--at courts, in fashionable society, in literary
+circles, in domestic life--they never change, but social observances,
+customs and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.
+
+A French writer has said: "To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at
+the same time, good, just, and generous. True politeness is the outward
+visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty,
+unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index
+of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure; his
+thoughts are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is
+gentle, because his feelings, his impulses, and his training are gentle
+also. A gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He
+avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no
+attraction for him. He seeks not to say any civil things, but to do
+them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly
+regulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good
+qualities and good manners; his servants for their truthfulness and
+honesty; his occupations for their usefulness, their gracefulness or
+their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental or political."
+
+In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman, when he says:
+"A gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in
+the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of
+that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate
+sympathies--one may say, simply, 'fineness of nature.' This is, of
+course, compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness;
+in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy.
+Elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no
+touch of the boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have
+felt a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and
+behave itself like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar
+animal; but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his
+non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine
+nature--not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the
+way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way, and in his
+sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on
+points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of
+high breeding in men generally, will be their kindness and mercifulness,
+these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind."
+
+Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were
+perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth
+were kind-hearted; if, instead of contending with the faults of our
+fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs
+to guard constantly against the evil from within as well as from
+without, for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his
+own heart."
+
+A recent English writer says: "Etiquette may be defined as the minor
+morality of life. No observances, however minute, that tend to spare the
+feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialities; and
+politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil
+the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents
+supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances,
+customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some perhaps
+considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to
+one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart and from
+friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest and
+noblest ideas of what is right.
+
+Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be "the result of much good
+sense, some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of others,
+and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." Again he says:
+"Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general, but in good
+breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established
+only by custom."
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Our Manners.
+
+
+No one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element
+conducive to worldly success than civility--that feeling of kindness and
+love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet
+how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms and
+conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions,
+that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner, that mark the true
+gentleman.
+
+
+MANNERS AS AN ELEMENT OF SUCCESS.
+
+History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the
+bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which, more than any other one
+quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life. The
+success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and
+manner of the man. Though there are a few people who can look beyond the
+rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities hidden
+within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant, judge a
+person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his substantial
+character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we would but
+learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success,
+but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he who has this
+quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed
+where, without it, even men of good ability fail.
+
+A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers.
+Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes,
+while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors
+and closed hearts. Emerson says: "Give a boy address and
+accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes
+wherever he goes; he has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they
+solicit him to enter and possess."
+
+In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners
+are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that
+pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat
+on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does
+not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them,
+if he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or
+has a chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is
+guilty of any of the small incivilities of life, they will not be apt to
+make his shop a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he
+displays.
+
+A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his
+hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and that
+he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires in his
+patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his
+manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering
+that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great
+an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he
+would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the
+motto, "Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of
+courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a
+true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays
+in her manner a gentleness of spirit.
+
+
+MANNER AN INDEX OF CHARACTER.
+
+A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact,
+are minor morals; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person.
+The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a better
+index of his character than what he does or says, for it is by the
+incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks,
+tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer
+to judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner
+in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more
+than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride,
+or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness with which
+the person who has done it speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less
+likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly
+said, is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor
+may be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation,
+or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings
+than if it had been ungraciously granted.
+
+
+THE TRUE GENTLEMAN.
+
+Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must regard
+the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He
+respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to
+respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on
+no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or
+wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his
+achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what
+he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight
+and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those
+small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or
+pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize; he listens
+patiently and respectfully to other men, and, if compelled to dissent
+from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own
+views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him.
+Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with his fellows,
+and, however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease
+in his presence.
+
+
+THE TRUE LADY.
+
+Calvert says: "Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by
+culture;" giving as two requisites for the highest breeding, transmitted
+qualities and the culture of good training. He continues: "Of the higher
+type of ladyhood may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth
+Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the
+attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood
+implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady
+there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself
+with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into
+it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow
+self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are
+admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the
+refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity,
+the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech
+and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every
+legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnancy of light over
+obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains ever made are
+spiritual gains--a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal,
+of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest and most
+characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension, a growing
+out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity,
+benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of
+truthfulness."
+
+Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever the young find themselves in
+the company of those who do not make them feel at ease, they should know
+that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen, but
+of pretenders; that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the
+society of the well-bred.
+
+
+THE IMPORTANCE OF TRIFLES.
+
+Some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as
+trifles; but trifles, it must be remembered, make up the aggregate of
+human life. The petty incivilities, slight rudenesses and neglects of
+which men are guilty, without thought, or from lack of foresight or
+sympathy, are often remembered, while the great acts performed by the
+same persons are often forgotten. There is no society where smiles,
+pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more
+importance than sallies of wit, or refinements of understanding. The
+little civilities, which form the small change of life may appear
+separately of little moment, but, like the spare pennies which amount to
+such large fortunes in a lifetime, they owe their importance to
+repetition and accumulation.
+
+
+VALUE OF PLEASING MANNERS.
+
+The man who succeeds in any calling in life is almost invariably he who
+has shown a willingness to please and to be pleased, who has responded
+heartily to the advances of others, through nature and habit, while his
+rival has sniffed and frowned and snubbed away every helping hand. "The
+charming manners of the Duke of Marlborough," it is said, "often changed
+an enemy to a friend, and to be denied a favor by him was more pleasing
+than to receive one from another. It was these personal graces that made
+him both rich and great. His address was so exquisitely fascinating as
+to dissolve fierce jealousies and animosities, lull suspicion and
+beguile the subtlest diplomacy of its arts. His fascinating smile and
+winning tongue, equally with his sharp sword, swayed the destinies of
+empires." The gracious manners of Charles James Fox preserved him from
+personal dislike, even when he had gambled away his last shilling, and
+politically, was the most unpopular man in England.
+
+
+MANNERS AND PERSONAL APPEARANCE.
+
+A charming manner not only enhances personal beauty, but even hides
+ugliness and makes plainness agreeable. An ill-favored countenance is
+not necessarily a stumbling-block, at the outset, to its owner, which
+cannot be surmounted, for who does not know how much a happy manner
+often does to neutralize the ill effects of forbidding looks? The
+fascination of the demagogue Wilkes's manner triumphed over both
+physical and moral deformity, rendering even his ugliness agreeable; and
+he boasted to Lord Townsend, one of the handsomest men in Great Britain,
+that "with half an hour's start he would get ahead of his lordship in
+the affections of any woman in the kingdom." The ugliest Frenchman,
+perhaps, that ever lived was Mirabeau; yet such was the witchery of his
+manner, that the belt of no gay Lothario was hung with a greater number
+of bleeding female hearts than this "thunderer of the tribune," whose
+looks were so hideous that he was compared to a tiger pitted with the
+small-pox.
+
+
+FORTUNES MADE BY PLEASING MANNERS.
+
+Pleasing manners have made the fortunes of men in all professions and in
+every walk of life--of lawyers, doctors, clergymen, merchants, clerks
+and mechanics--and instances of this are so numerous that they may be
+recalled by almost any person. The politician who has the advantage of a
+courteous, graceful and pleasing manner finds himself an easy winner in
+the race with rival candidates, for every voter with whom he speaks
+becomes instantly his friend. Civility is to a man what beauty is to a
+woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf, while
+gruffness or coarseness excites as quick a prejudice against him. It is
+an ornament, worth more as a means of winning favor than the finest
+clothes and jewels ever worn. Lord Chesterfield said the art of pleasing
+is, in truth, the art of rising, of distinguishing one's self, of making
+a figure and a fortune in the world. Some years ago a drygoods salesman
+in a London shop had acquired such a reputation for courtesy and
+exhaustless patience, that it was said to be impossible to provoke from
+him any expression of irritability, or the smallest symptom of vexation.
+A lady of rank learning of his wonderful equanimity, determined to put
+it to the test by all the annoyances with which a veteran shop-visitor
+knows how to tease a shopman. She failed in her attempt to vex or
+irritate him, and thereupon set him up in business. He rose to eminence
+in trade, and the main spring of his later, as of his earlier career,
+was politeness. Hundreds of men, like this salesman, have owed their
+start in life wholly to their pleasing address and manners.
+
+
+CULTIVATION OF GOOD MANNERS.
+
+The cultivation of pleasing, affable manners should be an important part
+of the education of every person of whatever calling or station in life.
+Many people think that if they have only the substance, the form is of
+little consequence. But manners are a compound of spirit and
+form--spirit acted into form. The first law of good manners, which
+epitomizes all the rest is, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
+True courtesy is simply the application of this golden rule to all our
+social conduct, or, as it has been happily defined, "real kindness,
+kindly expressed." It may be met in the hut of the Arab, in the
+courtyard of the Turk, in the hovel of the freedman, and the cottage of
+the Irishman. Even Christian men sometimes fail in courtesy, deeming it
+a mark of weakness, or neglecting it from mere thoughtlessness. Yet when
+we find this added to the other virtues of the Christian, it will be
+noted that his influence for good upon others has been powerfully
+increased, for it was by this that he obtained access to the hearts of
+others. An old English writer said reverently of our Saviour: "He was
+the first true gentleman that ever lived." The influence of many good
+men would be more than doubled if they could manage to be less stiff and
+more elastic. Gentleness in society, it has been truly said, "is like
+the silent influence of light which gives color to all nature; it is far
+more powerful than loudness or force, and far more fruitful. It pushes
+its way silently and persistently like the tiniest daffodil in spring,
+which raises the clod and thrusts it aside by the simple persistence of
+growing."
+
+
+POLITENESS.
+
+Politeness is kindness of manner. This is the outgrowth of kindness of
+heart, of nobleness, and of courage. But in some persons we find an
+abundance of courage, nobleness and kindness of heart, without kindness
+of manner, and we can only think and speak of them as not only impolite,
+but even rude and gruff. Such a man was Dr. Johnson, whose rudeness
+secured for him the nickname of Ursa Major, and of whom Goldsmith
+truthfully remarked, "No man alive has a more tender heart; he has
+nothing of the bear about him but his skin." To acquire that ease and
+grace of manners which is possessed by and which distinguishes every
+well-bred person, one must think of others rather than of himself, and
+study to please them even at his own inconvenience. "Do unto others as
+you would that others should do unto you"--the golden rule of life--is
+also the law of politeness, and such politeness implies self-sacrifice,
+many struggles and conflicts. It is an art and tact, rather than an
+instinct and inspiration. An eminent divine has said: "A noble and
+attractive every-day bearing comes of goodness, of sincerity, of
+refinement. And these are bred in years, not moments. The principle that
+rules our life is the sure posture-master. Sir Philip Sidney was the
+pattern to all England of a perfect gentleman; but then he was the hero
+that, on the field of Zutphen, pushed away the cup of cold water from
+his own fevered and parched lips, and held it out to the dying soldier
+at his side." A Christian by the very conditions of his creed, and the
+obligations of his faith is, of necessity, in mind and soul--and
+therefore in word and act--a gentleman, but a man may be polite without
+being a Christian.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Introductions.
+
+
+An acquaintanceship or friendship usually begins by means of
+introductions, though it is by no means uncommon that when it has taken
+place under other circumstances--without introduction--it has been a
+great advantage to both parties; nor can it be said that it is improper
+to begin an acquaintance in this way. The formal introduction has been
+called the highway to the beginning of friendship, and the "scraped"
+acquaintance the by-path.
+
+
+PROMISCUOUS INTRODUCTION.
+
+There is a large class of people who introduce friends and acquaintances
+to everybody they meet, whether at home or abroad, while walking or
+riding out. Such promiscuous introductions are neither necessary,
+desirable, nor at all times agreeable.
+
+
+AN INTRODUCTION A SOCIAL ENDORSEMENT.
+
+It is to be remembered that an introduction is regarded as a social
+endorsement of the person introduced, and that, under certain
+circumstances, it would be wrong to introduce to our friends casual
+acquaintances, of whom we know nothing, and who may afterwards prove to
+be anything but desirable persons to know. Care should be taken,
+therefore, in introducing two individuals, that the introduction be
+mutually agreeable. Whenever it is practicable, it is best to settle the
+point by inquiring beforehand. When this is inexpedient from any cause,
+a thorough acquaintance with both parties will warrant the introducer to
+judge of the point for him or herself.
+
+
+UNIVERSAL INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+While the habit of universal introductions is a bad one, there are many
+men in cities and villages who are not at all particular whom they
+introduce to each other. As a general rule, a man should be as careful
+about the character of the person he introduces to his friends, as he is
+of him whose notes he would endorse.
+
+
+THE INTRODUCTION OF A GENTLEMAN TO A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should not be introduced to a lady, unless her permission
+has been previously obtained, and no one should ever be introduced into
+the house of a friend, except permission is first granted. Such
+introductions, however, are frequent, but they are improper, for a
+person cannot know that an introduction of this kind will be agreeable.
+If a person asks you to introduce him to another, or a gentleman asks to
+be introduced to a lady, and you find the introduction would not be
+agreeable to the other party, you may decline on the grounds that you
+are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty.
+
+When a gentleman is introduced to a lady, both bow slightly, and the
+gentleman opens conversation. It is the place of the one who is
+introduced to make the first remark.
+
+
+INFORMAL INTRODUCTION.
+
+It is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship should wait a formal
+introduction. Persons meeting at the house of a common friend may
+consider that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of
+acquaintanceship, if there appears to be a mutual inclination toward
+such acquaintanceship. The presence of a person in a friend's house is a
+sufficient guaranty for his or her respectability. Gentlemen and ladies
+may form acquaintances in traveling, on a steamboat, in a railway car,
+or a stage-coach, without the formality of an introduction. Such
+acquaintanceship should be conducted with a certain amount of reserve,
+and need not be prolonged beyond the time of casual meeting. The
+slightest approach to disrespect or familiarity should be checked by
+dignified silence. A young lady, however, is not accorded the same
+privilege of forming acquaintances as is a married or elderly lady, and
+should be careful about doing so.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
+
+It is the part of the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their
+guests, though guests may, with perfect propriety, introduce each
+other, or, as already intimated, may converse with one another without
+the ceremony of a formal introduction. A gentleman, before introducing
+his friends to ladies, should obtain permission of the latter to do so,
+unless he is perfectly sure, from his knowledge of the ladies, that the
+introductions will be agreeable. The ladies should always grant such
+permission, unless there is a strong reason for refusing. The French,
+and to some extent the English, dispense with introductions at a private
+ball. The fact that they have been invited to meet each other is
+regarded as a guaranty that they are fit to be mutually acquainted, and
+is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction. At a public ball partners
+must be introduced to each other. Special introducing may be made with
+propriety by the master of ceremonies. At public balls it is well for
+ladies to dance only, or for the most part, with gentlemen of their own
+party, or those with whom they have had a previous acquaintance.
+
+
+THE MANNER OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+The proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady,
+the younger to the older, the inferior in social standing to the
+superior. In introducing, you bow to the lady and say, "Miss C., allow
+me to introduce to you Mr. D. Mr. D., Miss C." It is the duty of Mr. D.
+upon bowing to say, "It gives me great pleasure to form your
+acquaintance, Miss C.," or a remark of this nature.
+
+If gentlemen are to be introduced to one another, the form is, "Col.
+Blank, permit me to introduce to you Mr. Cole. Mr. Cole, Col. Blank."
+The exact words of an introduction are immaterial, so long as the proper
+form and order is preserved.
+
+The word "present" is often used in place of "introduce." While it is
+customary to repeat the names of the two parties introduced at the close
+of the introduction, it is often omitted as a useless formality. It is
+of the utmost importance that each name should be spoken distinctly. If
+either of the parties does not distinctly hear the name of the other he
+should say at once, without hesitation or embarrassment, before making
+the bow, "I beg your pardon; I did not catch (or understand) the name,"
+when it may be repeated to him.
+
+If several persons are to be introduced to one individual, mention the
+name of the single individual first, and then call the others in
+succession, bowing slightly as each name is pronounced.
+
+It is the part of true politeness, after introductions, to explain to
+each person introduced something of the business or residence of each,
+as they will assist in opening conversation. Or, if one party has
+recently returned from a foreign trip, it is courteous to say so.
+
+
+CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+While it is not necessary to introduce people who chance to meet in your
+house during a morning call; yet, if there is no reason for supposing
+that such an introduction will be objectionable to either party, it
+seems better to give it, as it sets both parties at ease in
+conversation. Acquaintanceship may or may not follow such an
+introduction, at the option of the parties. People who meet at the house
+of a mutual friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances if
+they meet again elsewhere, unless they choose to do so.
+
+
+INTRODUCING RELATIVES.
+
+In introducing members of your own family, be careful not only to
+specify the degree of relationship, but to give the name also. It is
+awkward to a stranger to be introduced to "My brother Tom," or "My
+sister Carrie." When either the introducer or the introduced is a
+married lady, the name of the party introduced can only be guessed at.
+
+
+BESTOWING OF TITLES.
+
+In introducing a person give him his appropriate title. If he is a
+clergyman, say "The Rev. Mr. Clark." If a doctor of divinity, say "The
+Rev. Dr. Clark." If he is a member of Congress, call him "Honorable,"
+and specify to which branch of Congress he belongs. If he is governor of
+a State, mention what State. If he is a man of any celebrity in the
+world of art or letters, it is well to mention the fact something after
+this manner: "Mr. Fish, the artist, whose pictures you have frequently
+seen," or "Mr. Hart, author of 'Our Future State,' which you so greatly
+admired."
+
+
+OBLIGATORY INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, and
+courtesy requires the latter to cultivate the acquaintance while your
+visitor remains with you. If you are the caller introduced, you must
+show the same attention to the friend of your friend that you wish shown
+your own friends under the same circumstances. Persons meeting at public
+places need not introduce each other to the strangers who may chance to
+be with them; and, even if the introduction does take place, the
+acquaintance need not be continued unless desired.
+
+
+THE OBLIGATION OF AN INTRODUCTION.
+
+Two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain
+claims upon one another's acquaintance which should be recognized,
+unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even in that
+case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting,
+which, of itself, encourages no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person
+will meet another with a stare.
+
+
+THE SALUTATION AFTER INTRODUCTION.
+
+A slight bow is all that is required by courtesy, after an introduction.
+Shaking hands is optional, and it should rest with the older, or the
+superior in social standing to make the advances. It is often an act of
+kindness on their part, and as such to be commended. It is a common
+practice among gentlemen, when introduced to one another, to shake
+hands, and as it evinces more cordiality than a mere bow, is generally
+to be preferred. An unmarried lady should not shake hands with gentlemen
+indiscriminately.
+
+
+THE FIRST TO RECOGNIZE.
+
+It is the privilege of the lady to determine whether she will recognize
+a gentleman after an introduction, and he is bound to return the bow. In
+bowing to a lady on the street, it is not enough that a gentleman should
+touch his hat, he should lift it from his head.
+
+
+THE "CUT DIRECT."
+
+The "cut direct," which is given by a prolonged stare at a person, if
+justified at all, can only be in case of extraordinary and notoriously
+bad conduct on the part of the individual "cut," and is very seldom
+called for. If any one wishes to avoid a bowing acquaintance with
+another, it can be done by looking aside or dropping the eyes. It is an
+invariable rule of good society, that a gentleman cannot "cut" a lady
+under any circumstances, but circumstances may arise when he may be
+excused for persisting in not meeting her eyes, for if their eyes meet,
+he must bow.
+
+
+MEETING IN THE STREET.
+
+If, while walking with one friend, in the street, you meet another and
+stop a moment to speak with the latter, it is not necessary to introduce
+the two who are strangers to one another; but, when you separate, the
+friend who accompanies you gives a parting salutation, the same as
+yourself. The same rule applies if the friend you meet chances to be a
+lady.
+
+
+INTRODUCING YOURSELF.
+
+If, on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you are not recognized,
+mention your name immediately. If you know but one member of the family
+and you find others only in the room, introduce yourself to them. Unless
+this is done, much awkwardness may be occasioned.
+
+
+ABOUT SHAKING HANDS.
+
+When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, she should merely bow but not
+give her hand, unless the gentleman is a well known friend of some
+member of the family. In that case she may do so if she pleases, as a
+mark of esteem or respect. A gentleman must not offer to shake hands
+with a lady until she has made the first movement.
+
+A married lady should extend her hand upon being introduced to a
+stranger brought to her house by her husband, or by a common friend, as
+an evidence of her cordial welcome.
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+Friendly letters of introduction should only be given to personal
+friends, introducing them, and only addressed to those with whom the
+writer has a strong personal friendship. It is not only foolish, but
+positively dangerous to give such a letter to a person with whom the
+writer is but slightly acquainted, as you may thus give your countenance
+and endorsement to a person who will take advantage of your carelessness
+to bring you into embarrassing and mortifying positions. Again, you
+should never address a letter of introduction to any but an intimate
+friend of long standing, and even then it should not be done, unless you
+are perfectly satisfied that the person you are to introduce will be an
+agreeable and congenial person for your friend to meet, as it would be
+very annoying to send to your friend a visitor who would prove to him
+disagreeable. Even amongst friends of long standing such letters should
+be given very cautiously and sparingly.
+
+The form of letters of introduction is given in the chapter on
+"Letter-writing."
+
+
+DELIVERING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+It is not necessary to deliver a friendly letter of introduction to a
+person who resides in another town. It is better to send it to the
+person to whom it is directed, on your arrival, accompanied by your card
+of address. If he wishes to comply with the request of his friend he
+will call upon you, and give you an invitation to visit him;
+circumstances, however, might render it exceedingly inconvenient, or
+impossible for the person to whom the letter is addressed, to call upon
+you; consequently a neglect to call need not be considered a mark of
+ill-breeding, though by some people it is so considered. The person
+addressed must consult his own feelings in the matter, and while aiming
+to do what is right, he is not bound to sacrifice business or other
+important matters to attend to the entertainment of a friend's friend.
+In such a case he may send his own card to the address of the person
+bearing the letter of introduction, and the latter is at liberty to call
+upon him at his leisure.
+
+
+THE DUTY OF THE PERSON ADDRESSED.
+
+In Europe it is the custom for a person with a letter of introduction to
+make the first call, but in this country we think that a stranger should
+never be made to feel that he is begging our attention, and that it is
+indelicate for him to intrude until he is positive that his company
+would be agreeable. Consequently, if it is your wish and in your power
+to welcome any one recommended to you by letter from a friend, or to
+show your regard for your friend's friend, you must call upon him with
+all possible dispatch, after you receive his letter of introduction, and
+give him as hospitable a reception and entertainment as it is possible
+to give, and such as you would be pleased to receive were you in his
+place.
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION FOR BUSINESS PURPOSES.
+
+Letters of introduction to and from business men may be delivered by the
+bearers in person, and etiquette does not require the receiver to
+entertain the person introduced as a friend of the writer. It is
+entirely optional with the person to whom the latter is introduced how
+he welcomes him, or whether he entertains him or not, though his
+courtesy would be apt to suggest that some kind attentions should be
+paid him.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Salutations.
+
+
+Carlyle says: "What we call 'formulas' are not in their origin bad; they
+are indisputably good. Formula is method, habitude; found wherever man
+is found. Formulas fashion themselves as paths do, as beaten highways
+leading toward some sacred, high object, whither many men are bent.
+Consider it: One man full of heartfelt, earnest impulse finds out a way
+of doing something--were it uttering his soul's reverence for the
+Highest, _were it but of fitly saluting his fellow-man_. An inventor was
+needed to do that, a poet; he has articulated the dim, struggling
+thought that dwelt in his own and many hearts. This is the way of doing
+that. These are his footsteps, the beginning of a 'path.' And now see
+the second man travels naturally in the footsteps of his foregoer; it is
+the easiest method. In the footsteps of his foregoer, yet with his
+improvements, with changes where such seem good; at all events with
+enlargements, the path ever widening itself as more travel it, till at
+last there is a broad highway, whereon the whole world may travel and
+drive."
+
+
+SALUTATION ORIGINALLY AN ACT OF WORSHIP.
+
+A lady writer of distinction says of salutations: "It would seem that
+good manners were originally the expression of submission from the
+weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salutation is
+to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and
+signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar, date from those
+earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated
+his allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for example, the words
+'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and originally
+meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title
+of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France,
+who, as Selden has said, 'affected rather to be styled by the name of
+sire than baron, as _Le Sire de Montmorenci_ and the like.' 'Madam' or
+'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am,' and by Mrs. Gamp and her
+tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your
+highness,' _madame_ originally meaning high-born, or stately, and being
+applied only to ladies of the highest rank.
+
+"To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our hats on
+visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We
+rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our
+friend as he passes the window or drives away from our door. The
+Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays
+a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a
+chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a
+Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, an historical
+significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as
+it is from _salutatio_, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his
+patron, suggests in itself a history of manners.
+
+"To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and
+rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's courtesy is a modified
+genuflection. Rising and standing are acts of homage; and when we wave
+our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street, we are
+unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to
+stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods, solemnly moving the
+right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.'
+Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady--a custom
+evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed his iron gauntlet, the
+pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair
+_chatelaine_; and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled
+down to us as a point of etiquette."
+
+
+SALUTATIONS OF DIFFERENT NATIONS.
+
+Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is
+the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against
+yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very
+low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation.
+They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse
+him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol
+over the person's head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you
+perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low and
+inquires, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir,"
+or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in
+holiness." The German asks, "How goes it with you?" The Frenchman bows
+profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself."
+
+Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent
+kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the
+necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a
+curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against
+publicity in kissing.
+
+In England and America there are three modes of salutation--the bow, the
+handshaking and the kiss.
+
+
+THE BOW.
+
+It is said: "A bow is a note drawn at sight. You are bound to
+acknowledge it immediately, and to the full amount." It should be
+respectful, cordial, civil or familiar, according to circumstances.
+Between gentlemen, an inclination of the head, a gesture of the hand, or
+the mere touching of the hat is sufficient; but in bowing to a lady, the
+hat must be lifted from the head. If you know people slightly, you
+recognize them slightly; if you know them well, you bow with more
+familiarity. The body is not bent at all in bowing; the inclination of
+the head is all that is necessary.
+
+If the gentleman is smoking, he withdraws his cigar from his mouth
+before lifting his hat to a lady, or if he should happen to have his
+hand in his pocket he removes it.
+
+At the moment of the first meeting of the eyes of an acquaintance you
+bow. Any one who has been introduced to you, or any one to whom you have
+been introduced, is entitled to this mark of respect.
+
+The bow is the touchstone of good breeding, and to neglect it, even to
+one with whom you may have a trifling difference, shows deficiency in
+cultivation and in the instincts of refinement. A bow does not entail a
+calling acquaintance. Its entire neglect reveals the character and
+training of the person; the manner of its observance reveals the very
+shades of breeding that exist between the ill-bred and the well-bred.
+
+
+RETURNING A BOW.
+
+A gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her, whether by a
+lady or gentleman (lifting his hat not too far from his head), although
+the one bowing is an entire stranger to him.
+
+It is civility to return a bow, although you do not know the one who is
+bowing to you. Either the one who bows, knows you, or has mistaken you
+for some one else. In either case you should return the bow, and
+probably the mistake will be discovered to have occurred for want of
+quick recognition on your own part, or from some resemblance that you
+bear to another.
+
+
+THE MANNER OF BOWING.
+
+The manner in which the salutation of recognition is made, may be
+regarded as an unerring test of the breeding, training, or culture of a
+person. It should be prompt as soon as the eyes meet, whether on the
+street or in a room. The intercourse need go no further, but that bow
+must be made. There are but few laws which have better reasons for their
+observance than this. This rule holds good under all circumstances,
+whether within doors or without. Those who abstain from bowing at one
+time, and bow at another, should not be surprised to find that the
+person whom they have neglected, has avoided the continuation of their
+acquaintance.
+
+
+DUTIES OF YOUNG TO OLDER PEOPLE.
+
+Having once had an introduction that entitles to recognition, it is the
+duty of the person to recall himself or herself to the recollection of
+the older person, if there is much difference in age, by bowing each
+time of meeting, until the recognition becomes mutual. As persons
+advance in life, they look for these attentions upon the part of the
+young. Persons who have large circles of acquaintance, often confuse the
+faces of the young whom they know with the familiar faces which they
+meet and do not know, and from frequent errors of this kind, they get
+into the habit of waiting to catch some look or gesture of recognition.
+
+
+HOW TO AVOID RECOGNITION.
+
+If a person desires to avoid a bowing acquaintance with a person who has
+been properly introduced, he may do so by looking aside, or dropping the
+eyes as the person approaches, for, if the eyes meet, there is no
+alternative, bow he must.
+
+
+ON PUBLIC PROMENADES.
+
+Bowing once to a person upon a public promenade or drive is all that
+civility requires. If the person is a friend, it is in better form, the
+second and subsequent passings, should you catch his or her eye, to
+smile slightly instead of bowing repeatedly. If an acquaintance, it is
+best to avert the eyes.
+
+
+A SMILING BOW.
+
+A bow should never be accompanied by a broad smile, even when you are
+well acquainted, and yet a high authority well says: "You should never
+speak to an acquaintance without a smile in your eyes."
+
+
+DEFERENCE TO ELDERLY PEOPLE.
+
+A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady that a
+gentleman does to a lady. It may also be said that a young man should
+show proper deference to elderly gentlemen.
+
+
+WORDS OF SALUTATION.
+
+The words commonly used in saluting a person are "Good Morning," "Good
+Afternoon," "Good Evening," "How do you do" (sometimes contracted into
+"Howdy" and "How dye do,") and "How are you." The three former are most
+appropriate, as it seems somewhat absurd to ask after a person's health,
+unless you stop to receive an answer. A respectful bow should accompany
+the words.
+
+
+SHAKING HANDS.
+
+Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial
+expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it
+is not forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaintanceship has
+reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING.
+
+An authority upon this subject says: "The etiquette of handshaking is
+simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He
+has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two young ladies shake hands
+gently and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does not shake a
+gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give
+her hand; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do so seated. On
+introduction in a room, a married lady generally offers her hand; a
+young lady, not. In a ball-room, where the introduction is to dancing,
+not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an
+introduction is not followed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may
+perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the
+less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if
+it be accompanied by personal recommendation, such as, 'I want you to
+know my friend Jones,' or if Jones comes with a letter of presentation,
+then you give Jones your hand, and warmly, too. Lastly, it is the
+privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an
+inferior should never put his forward first."
+
+When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she
+should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be
+equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, and even more
+warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive
+familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such.
+
+In shaking hands, the right hand should always be offered, unless it be
+so engaged as to make it impossible, and then an excuse should be
+offered. The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart.
+
+The mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest invited
+to her house.
+
+A gentleman must not shake hands with a lady until she has made the
+first move in that direction. It is a mark of rudeness not to give his
+hand instantly, should she extend her own. A married lady should always
+extend her hand to a stranger brought to her house by a common friend,
+as an evidence of her cordial welcome. Where an introduction is for
+dancing there is no shaking of hands.
+
+
+THE KISS.
+
+This is the most affectionate form of salutation, and is only proper
+among near relations and dear friends.
+
+
+THE KISS OF FRIENDSHIP.
+
+The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead.
+In this country this act of affection is generally excluded from public
+eyes, and in the case of parents and children and near relations, it is
+perhaps unnecessarily so.
+
+
+KISSING IN PUBLIC.
+
+The custom which has become quite prevalent of women kissing each other
+whenever they meet in public, is regarded as vulgar, and by ladies of
+delicacy and refinement is entirely avoided.
+
+
+THE KISS OF RESPECT.
+
+The kiss of respect--almost obsolete in this country--is made on the
+hand. The custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most
+courtly manners in England.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Etiquette of Calls.
+
+
+There are calls of ceremony, of condolence, of congratulation and of
+friendship. All but the latter are usually of short duration. The call
+of friendship is usually of less formality and may be of some length.
+
+
+MORNING CALLS.
+
+"Morning calls," as they are termed, should not be made earlier than 12
+P.M., nor later than 5 P.M.
+
+A morning call should not exceed half an hour in length. From ten to
+twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough. If other visitors come
+in, the visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon leaving,
+bow slightly to the strangers.
+
+In making a call be careful to avoid the luncheon and dinner hour of
+your friends. From two until five is ordinarily the most convenient time
+for morning calls.
+
+
+EVENING CALLS.
+
+It is sometimes more convenient for both the caller and those called
+upon that the call should be made in the evening. An evening call should
+never be made later than nine o'clock, nor be prolonged after ten,
+neither should it exceed an hour in length.
+
+
+RULES FOR FORMAL CALLS.
+
+The lady of the house rises upon the entrance of her visitors, who at
+once advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others. If
+too many callers are present to enable her to take the lead in
+conversation, she pays special attention to the latest arrivals,
+watching to see that no one is left alone, and talking to each of her
+guests in succession, or seeing that some one is doing so.
+
+A lady who is not in her own house does not rise, either on the arrival
+or departure of ladies, unless there is some great difference of age.
+Attention to the aged is one of the marks of good breeding which is
+never neglected by the thoughtful and refined.
+
+It is not customary to introduce residents of the same city, unless the
+hostess knows that an introduction will be agreeable to both parties.
+Strangers in the place are always introduced.
+
+Ladies and gentlemen who meet in the drawing-room of a common friend are
+privileged to speak to each other without an introduction; though
+gentlemen generally prefer to ask for introductions. When introduced to
+any one, bow slightly, and enter at once into conversation. It shows a
+lack of good breeding not to do so.
+
+When introductions are given, it is the gentleman who should be
+presented to the lady; when two ladies are introduced, it is the younger
+who is presented to the older.
+
+A lady receiving gives her hand to a stranger as to a friend, when she
+wishes to bestow some mark of cordiality in welcoming a guest to her
+home, but a gentleman should not take the initiatory in handshaking. It
+is the lady's privilege to give or withhold, as she chooses.
+
+A gentleman rises when those ladies with whom he is talking rise to take
+their leave. He also rises upon the entrance of ladies, but he does not
+offer seats to those entering, unless in his own house, or unless
+requested to do so by the hostess, and then he does not offer his own
+chair if others are available.
+
+A call should not be less than fifteen minutes in duration, nor should
+it be so long as to become tedious. A bore is a person who does not know
+when you have had enough of his or her company, and gives more of it
+than is desirable. Choose a time to leave when there is a lull in the
+conversation, and the hostess is not occupied with fresh arrivals. Then
+take leave of your hostess, bowing to those you know as you leave the
+room, not to each in turn, but let one bow include all.
+
+Calls ought to be made within three days after a dinner or tea party, if
+it is a first invitation; and if not, within a week. After a party or a
+ball, whether you have accepted the invitation or not, you call within
+a week.
+
+A lady who has no regular reception day will endeavor to receive callers
+at any time. If she is occupied, she will instruct her servant to say
+that she is engaged; but a visitor once admitted into the house must be
+seen at any inconvenience.
+
+A lady should never keep a caller waiting without sending to see whether
+a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience the caller. Servants should
+be instructed to return and announce to the person waiting that the lady
+will be down immediately. Any delay whatever should be apologized for.
+
+If, on making a call, you are introduced into a room where you are
+unknown to those assembled, at once give your name and mention upon whom
+your call is made.
+
+In meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you cannot recall, frankly say
+so, if you find it necessary. Sensible persons will prefer to recall
+themselves to your memory rather than to feel that you are talking to
+them without fully recognizing them. To affect not to remember a person
+is despicable, and reflects only on the pretender.
+
+Gentlemen, as well as ladies, when making formal calls, send in but one
+card, no matter how many members of the family they may wish to see. If
+a guest is stopping at the house, the same rule is observed. If not at
+home, one card is left for the lady, and one for the guest. The card
+for the lady may be folded so as to include the family.
+
+
+RULES FOR SUMMER RESORTS.
+
+At places of summer resort, those who own their cottages, call first
+upon those who rent them, and those who rent, in turn, call upon each
+other, according to priority of arrival. In all these cases there are
+exceptions; as, where there is any great difference in ages, the younger
+then calling upon the older, if there has been a previous acquaintance
+or exchange of calls. If there has been no previous acquaintance or
+exchange of calls, the older lady pays the first call, unless she takes
+the initiative by inviting the younger to call upon her, or by sending
+her an invitation to some entertainment, which she is about to give.
+When the occupants of two villas, who have arrived the same season, meet
+at the house of a common friend, and the older of the two uses her
+privilege of inviting the other to call, it would be a positive rudeness
+not to call; and the sooner the call is made, the more civil will it be
+considered. It is equally rude, when one lady asks permission of another
+to bring a friend to call, and then neglects to do it, after permission
+has been given. If the acquaintance is not desired, the first call can
+be the last.
+
+
+CALLS MADE BY CARDS.
+
+Only calls of pure ceremony--such as are made previous to an
+entertainment on those persons who are not to be invited, and to whom
+you are indebted for any attentions--are made by handing in cards; nor
+can a call in person be returned by cards. Exceptions to this rule
+comprise P.P.C. calls, cards left or sent by persons in mourning, and
+those which announce a lady's day for receiving calls, on her return to
+town, after an absence.
+
+
+RECEPTION DAYS.
+
+Some ladies receive only on certain days or evenings, which are once a
+week, once a fortnight, or once a month as the case may be, and the time
+is duly announced by cards. When a lady has made this rule it is
+considerate, on the part of her friends, to observe it, for it is
+sometimes regarded as an intrusion to call at any other time. The reason
+of her having made this rule may have been to prevent the loss of too
+much time from her duties, in the receiving of calls from her friends.
+
+
+CALLS AFTER BETROTHAL.
+
+When a betrothal takes place and it is formally announced to the
+relatives and friends on both sides, calls of congratulation follow. The
+bridegroom that is to be, is introduced by the family of the proposed
+bride to their connections and most intimate friends, and his family in
+return introduce her to relatives and acquaintances whom they desire her
+to know. The simplest way of bringing this about is by the parents
+leaving the cards of the betrothed, with their own, upon all families on
+their visiting list whom they wish to have the betrothed pair visit.
+
+
+THE CARDS AND CALLS OF STRANGERS.
+
+Strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their
+acquaintances, bearing their direction, as an announcement that they are
+in the city. This rule is often neglected, but, unless it is observed,
+strangers may be a long time in town without their presence being known.
+
+
+RETURNING A FIRST CALL.
+
+A first call ought to be returned within three or four days. A longer
+delay than a week is considered an intimation that you are unwilling to
+accept the new acquaintance, unless some excuse for the remissness is
+made.
+
+
+FORMING ACQUAINTANCE.
+
+In an event of exchange of calls between two ladies, without meeting,
+who are known to each other only by sight, they should upon the first
+opportunity, make themselves acquainted with one another. The younger
+should seek the older, or the one who has been the recipient of the
+first attention should introduce herself, or seek an introduction, but
+it is not necessary to stand upon ceremony on such points. Ladies
+knowing each other by sight, bow, after an exchange of cards.
+
+
+THE FIRST CALL.
+
+When it becomes a question as to who shall call first, between old
+residents, the older should take the initiatory. Ladies, who have been
+in the habit of meeting for sometime without exchanging calls, sometimes
+say to each other: "I hope you will come and see me!" and often the
+answer is made: "Oh, you must come and see me first!" That answer could
+only be given, with propriety, by a lady who is much the older of the
+two. The lady who extends the invitation makes the first advance, and
+the one who receives it should at least say: "I thank you--you are very
+kind," and then accept the invitation or not, as it pleases her. It is
+the custom for residents to make the first call upon strangers.
+
+
+CALLS OF CONGRATULATION.
+
+Calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may
+have occurred in the family visited--such as a birth, marriage, or any
+piece of good fortune. Such visits may be made either similar to the
+morning or the evening call. Such visits may also be made upon the
+appointment of friends to any important office or honored position, or
+when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or
+oration.
+
+
+P.P.C. CALLS.
+
+When persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period, if
+they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by
+making formal calls, they will send to each of their friends a card with
+the letters P.P.C. written upon it. They are the initials of "Pour
+Prendre Conge"--to take leave--and may with propriety stand for
+"presents parting compliments." On returning home, it is customary that
+friends should first call upon them. A neglect to do so, unless for
+some good excuse, is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance. In
+taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you
+were paying an ordinary visit.
+
+
+VISITS OF CONDOLENCE.
+
+Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which
+occasioned them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after
+the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent in, and if
+your friends are able to receive you, your manners and conversation
+should be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is deemed
+courteous to send in a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls
+in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize
+with the afflictions of the family, and a warm, heartfelt sympathy is
+always appreciated.
+
+
+EVENING VISITS.
+
+Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted.
+They should not be frequent, even where one is intimate, nor should they
+be protracted to a great length. Frequent visits are apt to become
+tiresome to your friends or acquaintances, and long visits may entitle
+you to the appellation of "bore."
+
+If you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small
+party had assembled, unknown to you, present yourself and converse for a
+few minutes with an unembarrassed air, after which you may leave,
+pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call.
+An invitation to stay and spend the evening, given for the sake of
+courtesy, should not be accepted. If urged very strongly to remain, and
+the company is an informal gathering, you may with propriety consent to
+do so.
+
+
+KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CALLS.
+
+A person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls, and take note
+of how soon calls are returned. By doing so, an opinion can be formed as
+to how frequently visits are desired. Instances may occur, when, in
+consequence of age or ill health, calls should be made without any
+reference to their being returned. It must be remembered that nothing
+must interrupt the discharge of this duty.
+
+
+CALLS OF CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS.
+
+Among relatives and friends, calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It
+is, however, needful to make suitable calls, and to avoid staying too
+long, if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should be
+maintained among the nearest friends, and even the domestic circle.
+
+
+"ENGAGED" OR "NOT AT HOME."
+
+If a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should
+charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is
+"engaged" or "not at home." This will prove sufficient with all
+well-bred people.
+
+The servant should have her orders to say "engaged" or "not at home"
+before any one has called, so that the lady shall avoid all risk of
+being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has
+intended to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made in favor of
+any individual or individuals, mention their names specially to the
+servant, adding that you will see them if they call, but to all others
+you are "engaged."
+
+A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company,
+and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet.
+
+A well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time
+they call, or whoever they may be, but there are times when it is
+impossible to do so, and then, of course, a servant is instructed
+beforehand to say "not at home" to the visitor. If, however, the servant
+admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor, it is
+the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience
+it may be to herself.
+
+When you call upon persons, and are informed at the door that the
+parties whom you ask for are engaged, you should never insist in an
+attempt to be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements
+which they have made for their convenience, and to protect themselves
+from interruption. However intimate you may be in any house you have no
+right, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no
+exception has been made of you, to violate that exclusion, and declare
+that the party should be at home to you. There are times and seasons
+when a person desires to be left entirely alone, and at such times there
+is no friendship for which she would give up her occupation or her
+solitude.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES REGARDING CALLS.
+
+A gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in
+his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table
+or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some
+cause to set it down. In that case, place it upon the floor. An umbrella
+should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call, the hat,
+gloves, overcoat and cane may be left in the hall.
+
+A lady, in making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with
+her, without previous permission. A gentleman, however, should never
+take the same liberty.
+
+No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is
+found dressed ready to go out.
+
+A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than
+for an ordinary walk.
+
+A lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business,
+officially or professionally.
+
+Never allow young children, dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in
+a call. They often prove disagreeable and troublesome.
+
+Two persons out of one family, or at most three, are all that should
+call together.
+
+It is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to callers. In the
+country, where the caller has come from some distance, it is exceedingly
+hospitable to do so.
+
+Calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration,
+than those made in the city.
+
+A person making a call should not, while waiting for a hostess, touch an
+open piano, walk about the room examining pictures, nor handle any
+ornament in the room.
+
+If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the
+acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early
+date.
+
+Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called,
+but wait for an invitation to do so.
+
+In receiving morning calls, it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside
+any employment, not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to
+be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in
+harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much
+better employed than in absolute idleness.
+
+A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of
+unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or
+reputation or advanced age justifies it.
+
+A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman
+should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, nor in a chair in
+immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.
+
+A lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call, even though
+urged to do so. If the call be a friendly and unceremonious one, she
+may do so if she thinks proper, but not without an invitation.
+
+A gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call, unless, in
+doing so, he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused.
+
+Formal calls are generally made twice a year; but only once a year is
+binding, when no invitations have been received that require calls in
+return.
+
+In calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house, it is
+customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the
+person called upon.
+
+When a person has once risen to take leave, he should not be persuaded
+to prolong his stay.
+
+Callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune. On the
+other hand, a lady should always receive her callers, at whatever hour
+or day they come, if it is possible to do so.
+
+When a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home, it is
+civility on the part of the lady, upon the occasion of their next
+meeting, to express her regret at not seeing him. He should reciprocate
+the regret, and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly: "Oh, it made no
+particular difference," "it was of no great consequence," or words to
+that effect.
+
+After you have visited a friend at her country seat, or after receiving
+an invitation to visit her, a call is due her upon her return to her
+town residence. This is one of the occasions when a call should be made
+promptly and in person, unless you have a reason for wishing to
+discontinue the acquaintance; even then it would be more civil to take
+another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility,
+unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime.
+
+
+NEW-YEAR'S CALLS.
+
+The custom of New-Year's calling is prevalent in all cities, and most
+villages in the country, and so agreeable a custom is it, that it is
+becoming more in favor every year. This is the day when gentlemen keep
+up their acquaintanceship with ladies and families, some of whom they
+are unable to see, probably, during the whole year. Of late it has been
+customary in many cities to publish in one or more newspapers, a day or
+two before New Years, a list of the ladies who will receive calls on
+that day, and from this list gentlemen arrange their calls. For
+convenience and to add to the pleasure of the day, several ladies
+frequently unite in receiving calls at the residence of one of their
+number, but this is usually done when only one or two members of a
+family can receive. Where there are several members of a family, who can
+do so, they usually receive at their own home.
+
+Gentlemen call either singly, in couples, by threes or fours and
+sometimes even more, in carriages or on foot, as they choose. Calls
+commence about ten o'clock in the morning, and continue until about nine
+in the evening. When the gentlemen go in parties, they call upon the
+lady friends of each, and if all are not acquainted, those who are,
+introduce the others. The length of a call is usually from five to
+fifteen minutes, but it is often governed by circumstances, and may be
+prolonged to even an hour.
+
+Refreshments are usually provided for the callers, and should always be
+offered, but it is not necessary that they should be accepted. If not
+accepted, an apology should be tendered, with thanks for the offer. The
+refreshments may consist of oysters, raw or scalloped, cold meats,
+salads, fruits, cakes, sandwiches, etc., and hot tea and coffee.
+
+When callers are ushered into the reception-room, they are met by the
+ladies, when introductions are given, and the callers are invited to
+remove their overcoats, but it is optional with them whether they do so
+or not. It is also optional with them whether they remove their gloves.
+When gentlemen are introduced to ladies in making New-Year's calls, they
+are not thereby warranted in calling again upon any of these ladies,
+unless especially invited to do so. It is the lady's pleasure whether
+the acquaintance shall be maintained.
+
+In making New-Year's calls, a gentleman leaves one card, whatever may be
+the number of ladies receiving with the hostess. If there is a basket at
+the door, he leaves a card for each of the ladies at the house,
+including lady guests of the family, provided there are any. The
+New-Year's card should not differ from an ordinary calling card. It
+should be plain, with the name engraved, or printed in neat script. It
+is not now considered in good taste to have "Happy New Year" or other
+words upon it, unless it may be the residence of the gentleman, which
+may be printed or written in the right hand corner, if deemed desirable.
+A gentleman does not make calls the first New-Year's after his marriage,
+but receives at home with his wife.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+Etiquette of Visiting.
+
+
+Some of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's
+own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here given,
+and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.
+
+
+GENERAL INVITATIONS.
+
+No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do
+come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness and
+cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be
+definitely fixed and the length of time stated.
+
+A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be
+surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His
+friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full, or
+they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and other
+causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival.
+
+It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of
+giving general invitations, which really mean nothing, and be scrupulous
+to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period.
+
+
+LIMIT OF A PROLONGED VISIT.
+
+If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to
+limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of
+intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have come
+to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after arrival, so that
+the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they
+desire it, or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance.
+One never likes to ask of a guest, "How long do you intend to remain?"
+yet it is often most desirable to know.
+
+
+TRUE HOSPITALITY.
+
+Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms,
+and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have nothing better
+to give them.
+
+Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in
+empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant as possible,
+at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble
+or inconvenience they may cause you.
+
+Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the
+amusement and entertainment of your guests.
+
+
+DUTIES OF THE VISITOR.
+
+On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as possible
+to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should
+never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever
+allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.
+
+It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the
+morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own,
+without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess;
+for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be
+attended to at this portion of the day, in order to leave the balance of
+the time free for the entertainment of their guests.
+
+If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the
+knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and
+deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of
+them first.
+
+The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests
+as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to
+interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house.
+
+It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the
+entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their
+own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows the
+worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and
+seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to
+join in them or entertain him.
+
+You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are
+visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you should
+acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your best to seem
+pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.
+
+You should not accept invitations without consulting your host. You
+should not call upon the servants to do errands for you, or to wait upon
+you too much, nor keep the family up after hours of retiring.
+
+If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends, while
+partaking of their hospitality, it should never be mentioned, either
+while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of what
+redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be mutual
+between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either may be
+commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their
+faults.
+
+Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time
+never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your
+visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your friends
+incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves.
+
+Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or
+toilet around to give trouble to servants.
+
+A lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed, if few or no
+servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she
+can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional
+exertion her visit occasions.
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO GUESTS.
+
+Any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess,
+and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless
+the hostess is also invited. Invitations received by the hostess should
+include the guest. Thus, at all places of amusement and entertainment,
+guest and host may be together.
+
+
+FORBEARANCE WITH CHILDREN.
+
+A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the
+children in the household where visiting, and should put up with any of
+their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their
+part.
+
+
+GUESTS MAKING PRESENTS.
+
+If a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is
+visiting, it should be to the hostess, or if to any of the children, to
+the youngest in preference, though it is usually better to give it to
+the mother. Upon returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess,
+she expresses her thanks for the hospitality, and requests to be
+remembered to the family.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF A HOST'S FRIENDS.
+
+If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the
+friends of your host or hostess. If you do not care to be intimate with
+them, you must be careful not to show a dislike for them, or that you
+wish to avoid them. You must be exceedingly polite and agreeable to
+them, avoiding any special familiarity, and keep them at a distance
+without hurting their feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that
+you do not like any of their friends.
+
+
+LEAVE-TAKING.
+
+Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your
+visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform
+your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your
+thanks.
+
+A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend
+agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with
+his own plans, and at the same time convenient to themselves. But when
+the time for departure has been fully fixed upon, no obstacle should be
+placed in the way of leave-taking. Help him in every possible way to
+depart, at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the
+visit at some future period.
+
+          "Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest,"
+
+expresses the true spirit of hospitality.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+Visiting and Calling Cards.
+
+
+An authentic writer upon visiting cards says: "To the unrefined or
+underbred, the visiting card is but a trifling and insignificant bit of
+paper; but to the cultured disciple of social law, it conveys a subtle
+and unmistakable intelligence. Its texture, style of engraving, and even
+the hour of leaving it combine to place the stranger, whose name it
+bears, in a pleasant or a disagreeable attitude, even before his
+manners, conversation and face have been able to explain his social
+position. The higher the civilization of a community, the more careful
+it is to preserve the elegance of its social forms. It is quite as easy
+to express a perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities of cards,
+as by any other method, and perhaps, indeed, it is the safest herald of
+an introduction for a stranger. Its texture should be fine, its
+engraving a plain script, its size neither too small, so that its
+recipients shall say to themselves, 'A whimsical person,' nor too large
+to suggest ostentation. Refinement seldom touches extremes in
+anything."
+
+
+CALLING CARDS.
+
+A card used in calling should have nothing upon it but the name of the
+caller. A lady's card should not bear her place of residence; such cards
+having, of late, been appropriated by the members of the demi-monde. The
+street and number always look better upon the card of the husband than
+upon that of the wife. When necessary, they can be added in pencil on
+the cards of the wife and daughter. A business card should never be used
+for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix "Dr.," or the affix
+"M.D.," upon his card, and an army or navy officer his rank and branch
+of service.
+
+
+WEDDING CARDS.
+
+Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married
+couple desire to keep among their acquaintances, and it is then the duty
+of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple.
+
+An ancient custom, but one which has been recently revived, is for the
+friends of the bride and groom to send cards; these are of great variety
+in size and design, and resemble Christmas or Easter cards but are
+usually more artistic.
+
+
+CHRISTMAS AND EASTER CARDS.
+
+A very charming custom that is coming into vogue is the giving or
+sending of Easter and Christmas cards. These are of such elegant designs
+and variety of colors that the stationer takes great pride in
+decorating his shop windows with them; indeed some of them are so
+elegant as to resemble oil paintings. Books and other small offerings
+may accompany cards as a token of remembrance.
+
+
+CARDS TO SERVE FOR CALLS.
+
+A person may make a card serve the purpose of a call, and it may either
+be sent in an envelope, by messenger or left in person. If left in
+person, one corner should be turned down. To indicate that a call is
+made on all or several members of the family; the card for the lady of
+the house is folded in the middle. If guests are visiting at the house,
+a card is left for each guest.
+
+
+ENCLOSING A CARD IN AN ENVELOPE.
+
+To return a call made in person with a card inclosed in an envelope, is
+an intimation that visiting between the parties is ended. Those who
+leave or send their cards with no such intention, should not inclose
+them in an envelope. An exception to this rule is where they are sent in
+return to the newly married living in other cities, or in answering
+wedding cards forwarded when absent from home. P.P.C. cards are also
+sent in this way, and are the only cards that it is as yet universally
+considered admissible to send by post.
+
+
+SIZE AND STYLE OF VISITING OR CALLING CARDS.
+
+A medium sized is in better taste than a very large card for married
+persons. Cards bearing the name of the husband alone are smaller. The
+cards of unmarried men should also be small. The engraving in simple
+writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Nothing in cards can be
+more commonplace than large printed letters, be the type what it may.
+Young men should dispense with the "Mr." before their names.
+
+ [Illustration: CALLING CARDS.]
+
+
+CORNERS OF CARDS TURNED DOWN.
+
+The signification of turning down the corners of cards are:
+
+          _Visite_--The right hand upper corner.
+          _Felicitation_--The left hand upper corner.
+          _Condolence_--The left hand lower corner.
+              _P.P.C._    }
+          _To Take Leave_ } The right hand lower corner.
+          Card, right hand end turned down--_Delivered in Person._
+
+
+CARD FOR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
+
+The name of young ladies are sometimes printed or engraved on their
+mother's cards; both in script. It is, of course, allowable, for the
+daughter to have cards of her own.
+
+Some ladies have adopted the fashion of having the daughter's name on
+the same card with their own and their husband's names.
+
+
+GLAZED CARDS.
+
+Glazed cards are quite out of fashion, as are cards and note paper with
+gilt edges. The fashion in cards, however, change so often, that what is
+in style one year, may not be the next.
+
+
+P.P.C. CARDS.
+
+A card left at a farewell visit, before a long protracted absence, has
+"P.P.C." (Pour Prendre Conge) written in one corner. It is not necessary
+to deliver such cards in person, for they may be sent by a messenger, or
+by post if necessary. P.P.C. cards are not left when the absence from
+home is only for a few months, nor by persons starting in mid-summer for
+a foreign country, as residents are then supposed to be out of town.
+They are sent to or left with friends by ladies just previous to their
+contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call.
+
+
+CARDS OF CONGRATULATION.
+
+Cards of congratulation must be left in person, or a congratulatory
+note, if desired, can be made to serve instead of a call; excepting
+upon the newly married. Calls in person are due to them, and to the
+parents who have invited you to the marriage. When there has been a
+reception after the ceremony, which you have been unable to attend, but
+have sent cards by some member of your family, your cards need not again
+represent you until they have been returned, with the new residence
+announced; but a call is due to the parents or relatives who have given
+the reception. When no wedding cards are sent you, nor the card of the
+bridegroom, you cannot call without being considered intrusive. One
+month after the birth of a child the call of congratulation is made by
+acquaintances.
+
+
+LEAVE CARDS IN MAKING FIRST CALL.
+
+In making the first calls of the season (in the autumn) both ladies and
+gentlemen should leave a card each, at every house called upon, even if
+the ladies are receiving. The reason of this is that where a lady is
+receiving morning calls, it would be too great a tax upon her memory to
+oblige her to keep in mind what calls she has to return or which of them
+have been returned, and in making out lists for inviting informally, it
+is often the card-stand which is first searched for bachelors' cards, to
+meet the emergency. Young men should be careful to write their street
+and number on their cards.
+
+
+LEAVE CARDS AFTER AN INVITATION.
+
+After an invitation, cards must be left upon those who have sent it,
+whether it is accepted or not. They must be left in person, and if it
+is desired to end the acquaintance the cards can be left without
+inquiring whether the ladies are at home.
+
+Gentlemen should not expect to receive invitations from ladies with whom
+they are only on terms of formal visiting, until the yearly or autumnal
+call has been made, or until their cards have been left to represent
+themselves.
+
+
+CARDS IN MEMORIAM.
+
+These are a loving tribute to the memory of the departed; an English
+custom rapidly gaining favor with us; it announces to friends the death,
+of which they might remain in ignorance but for this mark of respect:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                       George A. Custer
+
+                Lieutenant-Colonel Seventh Cavalry,
+              Brevet Major-General United States Army,
+                     Born December 5th, 1839,
+                      Harrison County, Ohio,
+              Killed, with his entire Command, in the
+                    Battle of Little Big Horn,
+                       June 25th, 1876.
+
+             *       *       *       *       *
+
+          Oh, Custer--Gallant Custer! man fore-doomed
+          Go ride, like Rupert, spurred and waving-plumed,
+                 Into the very jaws of death.]
+
+
+CARDS OF CONDOLENCE.
+
+Cards of condolence left by mere acquaintances must be returned by
+"mourning cards" before such persons feel at liberty to make a call.
+When the bereaved are ready to receive calls (instead of the cards) of
+their acquaintances, "mourning cards" in envelopes, or otherwise, are
+returned to all those who have left their cards since the death, which
+was the occasion of the cards being left. Intimate friends, of course,
+do not wait for cards, but continue their calls, without regard to any
+ceremonious observances made for the protection of the bereaved.
+Acquaintances leaving cards should inquire after the health of the
+family, leaving the cards in person.
+
+
+MOURNING CARDS.
+
+On announcement of a death it is correct to call in person at the door;
+to make inquiries and leave your card, with lower left hand corner
+turned down. Unless close intimacy exists, it is not usage to ask to see
+the afflicted. Cards can be sent to express sympathy, but notes of
+condolence are permissible only from intimate friends.
+
+
+A BRIDEGROOM'S CARD.
+
+When only the family and the most intimate friends of a bride and
+bridegroom have been included in the invitation for the marriage, or
+where there has been no reception after the marriage at church, the
+bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (inclosed in an envelope) to
+those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting
+terms. Those who receive a card should call on the bride, within ten
+days after she has taken possession of her home. Some persons have
+received such a card as an intimation that the card was to end the
+acquaintance. This mistake shows the necessity of a better understanding
+of social customs.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Conversation.
+
+
+The character of a person is revealed by his conversation as much as by
+any one quality he possesses, for strive as he may he cannot always be
+acting.
+
+
+IMPORTANCE OF CONVERSING WELL.
+
+To be able to converse well is an attainment which should be cultivated
+by every intelligent man and woman. It is better to be a good talker
+than a good singer or musician, because the former is more widely
+appreciated, and the company of a person who is able to talk well on a
+great variety of subjects, is much sought after. The importance,
+therefore, of cultivating the art of conversation, cannot easily be
+over-estimated. It should be the aim of all intelligent persons to
+acquire the habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all topics
+of general interest to society, so that they may both interest others
+and be themselves interested, in whatever company they may chance to be
+thrown.
+
+
+TRAINING CHILDREN.
+
+The training for this should be commenced in early childhood. Parents
+should not only encourage their children to express themselves freely
+upon everything that attracts their attention and interests them, but
+they should also incite their faculties of perception, memory and close
+observation, by requiring them to recount everything, even to its
+minutest details, that they may have observed in walking to and from
+school, or in taking a ride in a carriage or in the cars. By training a
+child to a close observation of everything he meets or passes, his mind
+becomes very active, and the habit having once been acquired, he becomes
+interested in a great variety of objects; sees more and enjoys more than
+one who has not been so trained.
+
+
+CULTIVATING THE MEMORY.
+
+A good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring the art of conversation,
+and the cultivation and training of this faculty is a matter of
+importance. Early youth is the proper time to begin this training, and
+parents and teachers should give special attention to the cultivation of
+memory. When children are taken to church, or to hear a lecture, they
+should be required to relate or to write down from memory, such a digest
+of the sermon or lecture as they can remember. Adults may also adopt
+this plan for cultivating the memory, and they will be surprised to find
+how continued practice in this will improve this faculty. The practice
+of taking notes impairs rather than aids the memory, for then a person
+relies almost entirely in the notes taken, and does not tax the memory
+sufficiently. A person should also train himself to remember the names
+of persons whom he becomes acquainted with, so as to recall them
+whenever or wherever he may subsequently meet them. It is related of a
+large wholesale boot and shoe merchant of an eastern city, that he was
+called upon one day by one of his best customers, residing in a distant
+city, whom he had frequently met, but whose name, at the time, he could
+not recall, and received his order for a large bill of goods. As he was
+about to leave, the merchant asked his name, when the customer
+indignantly replied that he supposed he was known by a man from whom he
+had purchased goods for many years, and countermanding his order, he
+left the store, deaf to all attempts at explanation. Though this may be
+an extreme case, it illustrates the importance of remembering the names
+of people when circumstances require it.
+
+
+HENRY CLAY'S MEMORY OF NAMES.
+
+One secret of Henry Clay's popularity as a politician was his faculty of
+remembering the names of persons he had met. It is said of him that if
+he was once introduced to a person, he was ever afterwards able to call
+him by name, and recount the circumstances of their first meeting. This
+faculty he cultivated after he entered upon the practice of law in
+Kentucky, and soon after he began his political life. At that time his
+memory for names was very poor, and he resolved to improve it. He
+adopted the practice, just before retiring at night, of recalling the
+names of all the persons he had met during the day, writing them in a
+note book, and repeating over the list the next morning. By this
+practice, he acquired in time, his wonderful faculty in remembering the
+names of persons he had become acquainted with.
+
+
+WRITING AS AN AID TO CORRECT TALKING.
+
+To converse correctly--to use correct language in conversation--is also
+a matter of importance, and while this can be acquired by a strict
+attention to grammatical rules, it can be greatly facilitated by the
+habit of writing down one's thoughts. In writing, strict regard is, or
+should be, paid to the correct use of language, and when a person, from
+constant writing, acquires the habit of using correct language, this
+habit will follow him in talking. A person who is accustomed to much
+writing, will always be found to use language correctly in speaking.
+
+
+REQUISITES FOR A GOOD TALKER.
+
+To be a good talker then, one should be possessed of much general
+information, acquired by keen observation, attentive listening, a good
+memory, extensive reading and study, logical habits of thought, and have
+a correct knowledge of the use of language. He should also aim at a
+clear intonation, well chosen phraseology and correct accent. These
+acquirements are within the reach of every person of ordinary ability,
+who has a determination to possess them, and the energy and perseverance
+to carry out that determination.
+
+
+VULGARISMS.
+
+In conversation, one must scrupulously guard against vulgarisms.
+Simplicity and terseness of language are the characteristics of a well
+educated and highly cultivated person. It is the uneducated or those who
+are but half educated, who use long words and high-sounding phrases. A
+hyperbolical way of speaking is mere flippancy, and should be avoided.
+Such phrases as "awfully pretty," "immensely jolly," "abominably
+stupid," "disgustingly mean," are of this nature, and should be avoided.
+Awkwardness of attitude is equally as bad as awkwardness of speech.
+Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass or watch chain
+and the like, give an air of _gaucherie_, and take off a certain
+percentage from the respect of others.
+
+
+LISTENING.
+
+The habit of listening with interest and attention is one which should
+be specially cultivated. Even if the talker is prosy and prolix, the
+well-bred person will appear interested, and at appropriate intervals
+make such remarks as shall show that he has heard and understood all
+that has been said. Some superficial people are apt to style this
+hypocrisy; but if it is, it is certainly a commendable hypocrisy,
+directly founded on that strict rule of good manners which commands us
+to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves.
+We are commanded to check our impulses, conceal our dislikes, and even
+modify our likings whenever or wherever these are liable to give
+offense or pain to others. The person who turns away with manifest
+displeasure, disgust or want of interest when another is addressing him,
+is guilty not only of an ill-bred, but a cruel act.
+
+
+FLIPPANCY.
+
+In conversation all provincialism, affectations of foreign accents,
+mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are detestable. Equally to be
+avoided are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, an undue use of
+foreign words, and anything approaching to flippancy, coarseness,
+triviality or provocation. Gentlemen sometimes address ladies in a very
+flippant manner, which the latter are obliged to pass over without
+notice, for various reasons, while inwardly they rebel. Many a worthy
+man has done himself an irreparable injury by thus creating a lasting
+prejudice in the minds of those whom he might have made his friends, had
+he addressed them as though he considered them rational beings, capable
+of sustaining their part in a conversation upon sensible subjects.
+Flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual
+smile, the wandering eye, the vacant stare, and the half-opened mouth of
+the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation.
+
+
+BE SYMPATHETIC AND ANIMATED.
+
+Do not go into society unless you make up your mind to be sympathetic,
+unselfish, animating, as well as animated. Society does not require
+mirth, but it does demand cheerfulness and unselfishness, and you must
+help to make and sustain cheerful conversation. The manner of
+conversation is as important as the matter.
+
+
+COMPLIMENTS.
+
+Compliments are said by some to be inadmissible. But between equals, or
+from those of superior position to those of inferior station,
+compliments should be not only acceptable but gratifying. It is pleasant
+to know that our friends think well of us, and it is always agreeable to
+know that we are thought well of by those who hold higher positions,
+such as men of superior talent, or women of superior culture.
+Compliments which are not sincere, are only flattery and should be
+avoided; but the saying of kind things, which is natural to the kind
+heart, and which confers pleasure, should be cultivated, at least not
+suppressed. Those parents who strive most for the best mode of training
+their children are said to have found that it is never wise to censure
+them for a fault, without preparing the way by some judicious mention of
+their good qualities.
+
+
+SLANG.
+
+All slang is vulgar. It lowers the tone of society and the standard of
+thought. It is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any manner
+witty. Only the very young or the uncultivated so consider it.
+
+
+FLATTERY.
+
+Do not be guilty of flattery. The flattery of those richer than
+ourselves or better born is vulgar, and born of rudeness, and is sure
+to be received as emanating from unworthy motives. Testify your respect,
+your admiration, and your gratitude by deeds more than words. Words are
+easy but deeds are difficult. Few will believe the former, but the
+latter will carry confirmation with them.
+
+
+SCANDAL AND GOSSIP.
+
+Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Envy
+prompts the tongue of the slanderer. Jealousy is the disturber of the
+harmony of all interests. A writer on this subject says: "Gossip is a
+troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never
+bites deep; slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its
+den and tears you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of rage;
+gossip of contempt." Those who best understand the nature of gossip and
+slander, if the victims of both, will take no notice of the former, but
+will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their
+lifetime, to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children. No
+woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral
+character, whether in the influence of her companionship, or in the
+influence of her writings.
+
+
+RELIGION AND POLITICS.
+
+Religion and politics are topics that should never be introduced into
+general conversation, for they are subjects dangerous to harmony.
+Persons are most likely to differ, and least likely to preserve their
+tempers on these topics. Long arguments in general company, however
+entertaining to the disputants, are very tiresome to the hearers.
+
+
+SATIRE AND RIDICULE.
+
+Young persons appear ridiculous when satirizing or ridiculing books,
+people or things. Opinions to be worth the consideration of others
+should have the advantage of coming from mature persons. Cultivated
+people are not in the habit of resorting to such weapons as satire and
+ridicule. They find too much to correct in themselves to indulge in
+coarse censure of the conduct of others, who may not have had advantages
+equal to their own.
+
+
+TITLES.
+
+In addressing persons with titles always add the name; as "what do you
+think of it, Doctor Hayes?" not "what do you think of it, Doctor?" In
+speaking of foreigners the reverse of the English rule is observed. No
+matter what the title of a Frenchman is, he is always addressed as
+_Monsieur_, and you never omit the word _Madame_, whether addressing a
+duchess or a dressmaker. The former is "_Madame la Duchesse_," the
+latter plain "_Madame_." Always give a foreigner his title. If General
+Sherman travels in Europe and is received by the best classes with the
+dignity that his worth, culture and position as an American general
+demand, he will never be called Mr. Sherman, but his title will
+invariably precede his name. There are persons who fancy that the
+omission of the title is annoying to the party who possesses it, but
+this is not the ground taken why the title should be given, but because
+it reveals either ignorance or ill-breeding on the part of those
+omitting it.
+
+
+CHRISTIAN NAMES.
+
+There is a class of persons, who from ignorance of the customs of good
+society, or from carelessness, speak of persons by their Christian
+names, who are neither relations nor intimate friends. This is a
+familiarity which, outside of the family circle, and beyond friends of
+the closest intimacy, is never indulged in by the well-bred.
+
+
+INTERRUPTION.
+
+Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against
+good-breeding. It has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in
+the middle of a sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking
+with a companion, you were to thrust yourself before him and stop his
+progress.
+
+
+ADAPTABILITY IN CONVERSATION.
+
+The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation, as
+skillfully as may be, to your company. Some men make a point of talking
+commonplace to all ladies alike, as if a woman could only be a trifler.
+Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what respects the education
+of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and commit the opposite
+error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted,
+and in which few, if any, are ever interested. A woman of sense has as
+much right to be annoyed by the one, as a woman of ordinary education by
+the other. If you really wish to be thought agreeable, sensible,
+amiable, unselfish and even well-informed, you should lead the way, in
+_tete-a-tete_ conversations, for sportsmen to talk of their shooting, a
+mother to talk of her children, a traveler of his journeys and the
+countries he has visited, a young lady of her last ball and the
+prospective ones, an artist of his picture and an author of his book. To
+show any interest in the immediate concerns of people is very
+complimentary, and when not in general society one is privileged to do
+this. People take more interest in their own affairs than in anything
+else you can name, and if you manifest an interest to hear, there are
+but few who will not sustain conversation by a narration of their
+affairs in some form or another. Thackeray says: "Be interested by other
+people and by their affairs. It is because you yourself are selfish that
+that other person's self does not interest you."
+
+
+CORRECT USE OF WORDS.
+
+The correct use of words is indispensable to a good talker who would
+escape the unfavorable criticism of an educated listener. There are many
+words and phrases, used in some cases by persons who have known better,
+but who have become careless from association with others who make
+constant use of them. "Because that" and "but that" should never be used
+in connection, the word "that" being entirely superfluous. The word
+"vocation" is often used for "avocation." "Unhealthy" food is spoken of
+when it should be "unwholesome." "Had not ought to" is sometimes heard
+for "ought not to;" "banister" for "baluster;" "handsful" and
+"spoonsful" for "handfuls" and "spoonfuls;" "it was him" for "it was
+he;" "it was me" for "it was I;" "whom do you think was there?" for "who
+do you think was there?"; "a mutual friend" for "a common friend;" "like
+I did" instead of "as I did;" "those sort of things" instead of "this
+sort of things;" "laying down" for "lying down;" "setting on a chair"
+for "sitting on a chair;" "try and make him" instead of "try to make
+him;" "she looked charmingly" for "she looked charming;" "loan" for
+"lend;" "to get along" instead of "to get on;" "cupalo" instead of
+"cupola;" "who" for "whom"--as, "who did you see" for "whom did you
+see;" double negatives, as, "he did not do neither of those things;"
+"lesser" for "least;" "move" instead of "remove;" "off-set" instead of
+"set-off," and many other words which are often carelessly used by those
+who have been better taught, as well as by those who are ignorant of
+their proper use.
+
+
+SPEAKING ONE'S MIND.
+
+Certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake
+of "speaking their mind" on all occasions and under all circumstances,
+and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers. And
+especially do they take credit to themselves for their courage, if their
+freedom of speech happens to give offense to any of them. A little
+reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is. The law restrains
+us from inflicting bodily injury upon those with whom we disagree, yet
+there is no legal preventive against this wounding of the feeling of
+others.
+
+
+UNWISE EXPRESSION OF OPINION.
+
+Another class of people, actuated by the best of intentions, seem to
+consider it a duty to parade their opinions upon all occasions, and in
+all places without reflecting that the highest truth will suffer from an
+unwise and over-zealous advocacy. Civility requires that we give to the
+opinions of others the same toleration that we exact for our own, and
+good sense should cause us to remember that we are never likely to
+convert a person to our views when we begin by violating his notions of
+propriety and exciting his prejudices. A silent advocate of a cause is
+always better than an indiscreet one.
+
+
+PROFANITY.
+
+No gentleman uses profane language. It is unnecessary to add that no
+gentleman will use profane language in the presence of a lady. For
+profanity there is no excuse. It is a low and paltry habit, acquired
+from association with low and paltry spirits, who possess no sense of
+honor, no regard for decency and no reverence or respect for beings of a
+higher moral or religious nature than themselves. The man who habitually
+uses profane language, lowers his moral tone with every oath he utters.
+Moreover, the silliness of the practice, if no other reason, should
+prevent its use by every man of good sense.
+
+
+PUBLIC MENTION OF PRIVATE MATTERS.
+
+Do not parade merely private matters before a public or mixed assembly
+or to acquaintances. If strangers really wish to become informed about
+you or your affairs, they will find the means to gratify their curiosity
+without your advising them gratuitously. Besides, personal and family
+affairs, no matter how interesting they may be to the parties
+immediately concerned, are generally of little moment to outsiders.
+Still less will the well-bred person inquire into or narrate the private
+affairs of any other family or individual.
+
+
+OSTENTATIOUS DISPLAY OF KNOWLEDGE.
+
+In refined and intelligent society one should always display himself at
+his best, and make a proper and legitimate use of all such acquirements
+as he may happen to have. But there should be no ostentatious or
+pedantic show of erudition. Besides being vulgar, such a show subjects
+the person to ridicule.
+
+
+PRUDERY.
+
+Avoid an affectation of excessive modesty. Do not use the word "limb"
+for "leg." If legs are really improper, then let us, on no account,
+mention them. But having found it necessary to mention them, let us by
+all means give them their appropriate name.
+
+
+DOUBLE ENTENDRES.
+
+No person of decency, still less of delicacy, will be guilty of _double
+entendre_. A well-bred person always refuses to understand a phrase of
+doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be interpreted decently, and with
+such interpretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree
+called for by such interpretation, and no more. The prudery which sits
+in solemn and severe rebuke at a _double entendre_ is only second in
+indelicacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both
+must recognize the evil intent. It is sufficient to let it pass
+unrecognized.
+
+
+INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS.
+
+Not so when one hears an indelicate word or expression, which allows of
+no possible harmless interpretation. Then not the shadow of a smile
+should flit across the lips. Either complete silence should be preserved
+in return, or the words, "I do not understand you," be spoken. A lady
+will always fail to hear that which she should not hear, or, having
+unmistakably heard, she will not understand.
+
+
+VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS.
+
+No lady should make use of any feminine substitute for profanity. The
+woman who exclaims "The Dickens!" or "Mercy!" or "Goodness!" when she is
+annoyed or astonished, is as vulgar in spirit, though perhaps not quite
+so regarded by society, as though she had used expressions which it
+would require but little stretch of the imagination to be regarded as
+profane.
+
+
+WIT.
+
+You may be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if you can; but
+never use your wit at the expense of others.
+
+          "Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking
+            Sometimes a friend, sometimes the engineer;
+           Hast thou the knack? pamper it not with liking;
+            But if thou want it, buy it not too dear.
+                Many affecting wit beyond their power
+                Have got to be a dear fool for an hour."--HERBERT.
+
+
+DISPLAY OF EMOTIONS.
+
+Avoid all exhibitions of temper before others, if you find it impossible
+to suppress them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or joy, should
+be subdued in public, and only allowed full play in the privacy of your
+own apartments.
+
+
+IMPERTINENT QUESTIONS.
+
+Never ask impertinent questions. Some authorities in etiquette even go
+so far as to say that _all_ questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you
+wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend, you
+would say, "I hope your brother is well," not, "How is your brother's
+health?"
+
+
+THE CONFIDENCE OF OTHERS.
+
+Never try to force yourself into the confidence of others; but if they
+give you their confidence of their own free will, let nothing whatever
+induce you to betray it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and never
+divulge one.
+
+
+USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE.
+
+Do not form the habit of introducing words and phrases of French or
+other foreign languages into common conversation. This is only allowable
+in writing, and not then except when the foreign word or phrase
+expresses more clearly and directly than English can do the desired
+meaning. In familiar conversation this is an affectation, only
+pardonable when all persons present are particularly familiar with the
+language.
+
+
+PRETENSES.
+
+Avoid all pretense at gentility. Pass for what you are, and nothing
+more. If you are obliged to make any little economies, do not be ashamed
+to acknowledge them as economies, if it becomes necessary to speak of
+them at all. If you keep no carriage, do not be over-solicitous to
+impress upon your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is
+because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed of poverty; but, on the
+other hand, do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the faces of others.
+It is better to say nothing about it, either in excuse or defense.
+
+
+DOGMATIC STYLE OF SPEAKING.
+
+Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or
+information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing. Even if
+you are conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming modesty
+will lead you to conceal it as far as possible, that you may not put to
+shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself. If they
+discover your superiority of their own accord, they will have much more
+admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them. If
+they do not discover it, you cannot force it upon their perceptions, and
+they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, there
+is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself, and instead of being
+a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool.
+
+
+FAULT-FINDING.
+
+Do not be censorious or fault-finding. Long and close friendship may
+sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another, but it
+must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine
+cases out of ten had best be left undone. When one is inclined to be
+censorious or critical, it is well to remember the scriptural
+injunction, "First cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt
+thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."
+
+
+CONVERSING WITH LADIES.
+
+A gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard of his
+conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to
+consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You
+will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the
+supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it
+is not, the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate
+compliment you pay them. When you "come down" to commonplace or
+small-talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the
+consequence; she either recognizes the condescension and despises you,
+or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you
+are capable, and rates you accordingly.
+
+
+HOBBIES.
+
+People with hobbies are at once the easiest and most difficult persons
+with whom to engage in conversation. On general subjects they are
+idealess and voiceless beyond monosyllables. But introduce their special
+hobby, and if you choose you need only to listen. There is much profit
+to be derived from the conversation of these persons. They will give you
+a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory which they may
+have taken to heart, than you could perhaps gain in any other way.
+
+The too constant riding of hobbies is not, however, to be specially
+recommended. An individual, though he may be pardoned in cultivating
+special tastes, should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and
+general information to be able to converse intelligently on all
+subjects, and he should, as far as possible, reserve his hobby-riding
+for exhibition before those who ride hobbies similar to his own.
+
+
+THINGS TO BE AVOIDED.
+
+It must be remembered that a social gathering should never be made the
+arena of a dispute. Consequently every subject liable to provoke a
+discussion should be avoided. Even slight inaccuracy in a statement of
+facts or opinions should rarely be remarked on in conversation.
+
+Do not permit yourself to lose your temper in society, nor show that you
+have taken offense at a supposed slight.
+
+If anyone should assume a disagreeable tone of voice or offensive manner
+toward you, never return it in company, and, above all, do not adopt the
+same style of conversation with him. Appear not to notice it, and
+generally it will be discontinued, as it will be seen that it has failed
+in its object.
+
+Avoid all coarseness and undue familiarity in addressing others. A
+person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends.
+
+Never attack the character of others in their absence; and if you hear
+others attacked, say what you can consistently to defend them.
+
+If you are talking on religious subjects, avoid all cant. Cant words and
+phrases may be used in good faith from the force of habit, but their use
+subjects the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity.
+
+Do not ask the price of articles you observe, except from intimate
+friends, and then very quietly, and only for some good reason.
+
+Do not appear to notice an error in language, either in pronunciation or
+grammar, made by the person with whom you are conversing, and do not
+repeat correctly the same word or phrase. This would be as ill-bred as
+to correct it when spoken.
+
+Mimicry is ill-bred, and must be avoided.
+
+Sneering at the private affairs of others has long ago been banished
+from the conversation of well-mannered people.
+
+Never introduce unpleasant topics, nor describe revolting scenes in
+general company.
+
+Never give officious advice. Even when sought for, give advice
+sparingly.
+
+Never, directly or indirectly, refer to the affairs of others, which it
+may give them pain in any degree to recall.
+
+Never hold your companion in conversation by the button-hole. If you are
+obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say what you wish, you are
+pressing upon him what is disagreeable or unwelcome, and you commit a
+gross breach of etiquette in so doing.
+
+Especially avoid contradictions, interruptions and monopolizing all
+conversation yourself. These faults are all intolerable and very
+offensive.
+
+To speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms, understood by
+him alone, is as rude as if you had whispered in his ear.
+
+Avoid stale and trite remarks on commonplace subjects; also all egotism
+and anecdotes of personal adventure and exploit, unless they should be
+called out by persons you are conversing with.
+
+To make a classical quotation in a mixed company is considered pedantic
+and out of place, as is also an ostentatious display of your learning.
+
+A gentleman should avoid talking about his business or profession,
+unless such matters are drawn from him by the person with whom he is
+conversing. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ technical or
+professional terms in general conversation.
+
+Long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others,
+and should be avoided.
+
+It is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in
+society, or to converse in a language with which all persons are not
+familiar.
+
+Avoid talking too much, and do not inflict upon your hearers
+interminably long stories, in which they can have but little interest.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+Dinner Giving and Dining Out.
+
+
+Dining should be ranked among the fine arts. A knowledge of dinner-table
+etiquette is all important in many respects; but chiefly in this: that
+it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding. Dinners are
+generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the
+middle aged, but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried
+persons among the guests.
+
+
+WHOM TO INVITE.
+
+Those invited should be of the same standing in society. They need not
+necessarily be friends, nor even acquaintances, but, at dinner, as
+people come into closer contact than at a dance, or any other kind of a
+party, those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the
+same class of circles. Care must, of course, be taken that those whom
+you think agreeable to each other are placed side by side around the
+festive board. Good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party--people who
+have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in; but good
+listeners are equally invaluable.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post, in cities,
+and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it
+inconvenient to send the note by hand. They are issued in the name of
+the gentleman and lady of the house, from two to ten days in advance.
+They should be answered as soon as received, without fail, as it is
+necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their
+guests. If the invitation is accepted, the engagement should, on no
+account, be lightly broken. This rule is a binding one, as the
+non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans.
+Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives, where other ladies than
+those of the family are present; nor ladies without their husbands, when
+other ladies are invited with their husbands. This rule has no
+exceptions. No more than three out of a family should be invited, unless
+the dinner party is a very large one.
+
+
+MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS.
+
+The invitations should be written on small note paper, which may have
+the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids
+anything more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper. The
+invitation should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The
+form of invitations should be as follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Potter request the pleasure of Mr.
+          and Mrs. Barton's company at dinner on Thursday,
+          the 13th of October at 5 o'clock.]
+
+An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is
+declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly.
+
+
+INVITATION ACCEPTED.
+
+An acceptance may be given in the following form, and may be sent either
+by post or messenger:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton have much pleasure in
+          accepting Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation for
+          October 13th.]
+
+
+INVITATION DECLINED.
+
+The invitation is declined in the following manner:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret that a previous
+          engagement (_or whatever the cause may be_)
+          prevents their having the pleasure of accepting
+          Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation at dinner for
+          October 13th.]
+
+Or,
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret exceedingly that owing
+          to (_whatever the preventing cause may be_), they
+          cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and
+          Mrs. Potter on Thursday, October 13th.]
+
+Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly,
+yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard
+feelings.
+
+
+INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY.
+
+The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form
+of a friendly note, something in this manner:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Dear Miss Summer:
+
+          We have some friends coming to drink tea with us
+          to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your
+          company also? We hope you will not disappoint us.]
+
+
+FAILING TO FILL AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made
+for dinner or tea, a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host,
+with full explanation of the cause, so that your place may be supplied,
+if possible.
+
+
+PUNCTUALITY.
+
+The hour generally selected in cities is after business hours, or from
+five to eight o'clock. In the country or villages it may be an hour or
+two earlier. To be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory. If you
+are too early you are in the way; if too late you annoy the hostess,
+cause impatience among the assembled guests, and perhaps spoil the
+dinner. Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy
+guest.
+
+
+THE SUCCESS OF A DINNER.
+
+A host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the
+manner in which conversation has been sustained. If it has flagged
+often, it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial;
+but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that they have
+smoothly amalgamated, as a whole. No one should monopolize conversation,
+unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore, and be
+avoided as such.
+
+
+THE TABLE APPOINTMENTS.
+
+A snow-white cloth of the finest damask, beautiful china, glistening or
+finely engraved glass, and polished plate are considered essential to a
+grand dinner. Choice flowers, ferns and mosses tastefully arranged, add
+much to the beauty of the table. A salt-cellar should be within the
+reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a
+roll of bread upon each plate. The dessert is placed on the table amidst
+the flowers. An _epergne_, or a low dish of flowers, graces the centre;
+stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the
+table, which complete the decorations of the table. The name of each
+guest, written upon a card and placed one on each plate, marks the seat
+assigned.
+
+
+ASSIGNING PARTNERS FOR DINNER.
+
+The number at a dinner should not be less than six, nor more than twelve
+or fourteen. Then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman
+the lady whom he is to conduct to the table; but when the number exceeds
+this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written
+upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope, ready to be handed to
+the gentleman by the servant, before entering the drawing-room, or left
+on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names.
+
+If a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is
+unacquainted, he requests the host to present him immediately after he
+has spoken with the hostess, also to any members of the family with whom
+he is not acquainted.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+All the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the
+dinner is given. If two persons, unknown to each other, find themselves
+placed side by side at a table, they may enter into conversation without
+an introduction.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS OF GUESTS AT THE TABLE.
+
+When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he
+is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess
+being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence
+in proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger
+falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest
+lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present,
+precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another
+person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted
+either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to
+place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the
+lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may
+be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite
+ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters,
+as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.
+
+
+DINNER A LA RUSSE.
+
+The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner
+_a la Russe_ (the Russian style)--all the food being placed upon a side
+table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an
+opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the
+meal progresses, does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes
+and platters.
+
+
+DUTIES OF SERVANTS.
+
+The servants commence, in passing the dishes, one upon the right of the
+host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should
+never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong.
+Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps may be
+noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English
+custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly
+clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing
+hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and
+deposits plates, glasses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is
+considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at
+table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the
+thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.
+
+
+SOUP.
+
+Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it
+remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating
+until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the
+servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a
+second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
+
+
+FISH.
+
+Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are
+provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left
+hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish
+may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.
+
+
+THE SIDE DISHES.
+
+After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the
+fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard
+for a fork.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.
+
+When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork
+upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be
+carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by
+neglecting to remove them.
+
+Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not
+take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.
+
+Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your glass with
+wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the
+rim of your glass.
+
+Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.
+
+If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his
+eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.
+
+The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and
+drinking should be noiseless.
+
+Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.
+
+Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and
+artichokes are always so eaten.
+
+Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.
+
+You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any
+course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it.
+Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the glass and
+silver near you unnecessarily.
+
+Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the
+business of the host.
+
+When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the
+waiter to pass on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has
+escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is
+officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.
+
+If the guests pass the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by
+a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire
+it at all, before passing it on to the next.
+
+A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many
+people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an
+unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of
+etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many
+people, it is wisest to observe it.
+
+Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone
+inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with
+the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be
+removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible, and deposited on
+the side of the plate.
+
+Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead,
+face or nose.
+
+Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without
+a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a
+fork or spoon.
+
+Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not
+toy with your knife, fork or spoon, make crumbs of your bread, or draw
+imaginary lines upon the table cloth.
+
+Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife,
+and all fruit should be broken or cut.
+
+
+WAITING ON OTHERS.
+
+If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person,
+politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for
+themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are
+in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he
+thinks may be most to their taste.
+
+
+PRAISING DISHES.
+
+A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor
+make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction.
+It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and
+allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper.
+Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their
+plates against their inclination.
+
+
+MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION.
+
+For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be
+general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you
+may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to
+be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.
+
+
+PICKING TEETH AT THE TABLE.
+
+It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should
+always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not
+avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity
+to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth
+should be concealed by your hand or napkin.
+
+
+SELECTING A PARTICULAR DISH.
+
+Never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a
+fowl or of meat, unless requested to do so, and then answer promptly,
+that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you.
+
+
+DUTIES OF HOSTESS AND HOST.
+
+Tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess, in order that she
+may perform her duties agreeably, which are not onerous. She should
+instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have
+finished. If she speaks of any omission by which her servants have
+inconvenienced her guests, she must do it with dignity, not betraying
+any undue annoyance. She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay
+every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her.
+No accident must disturb her; no disappointment embarrass her. If her
+precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes, she must
+seem to take but little or no notice of it.
+
+The host must aid the hostess in her efforts. He should have ease and
+frankness of manner, a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle, and a
+kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted. He must encourage
+the timid, draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than
+sustain it himself.
+
+No matter what may go wrong, a hostess should never seem to notice it to
+the annoyance of her guests. By passing it over herself, it will very
+frequently escape the attention of others. If her guests arrive late,
+she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early, but she
+will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually, if she
+awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of
+grace prescribed by custom.
+
+
+RETIRING FROM THE TABLE.
+
+When the hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the lady who
+is sitting at the right of the host, and the company rise, and withdraw
+in the order they are seated, without precedence. After retiring to the
+drawing-room, the guests should intermingle in a social manner. It is
+expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after
+dinner.
+
+
+ACCEPTING HOSPITALITY A SIGN OF GOOD-WILL.
+
+As eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of
+society regarded as a sign of good-will, those who partake of proffered
+hospitalities, only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess,
+should remember, that in the opinion of all honorable persons, they
+injure themselves by so doing.
+
+
+CALLS AFTER A DINNER PARTY.
+
+Calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been
+invited, whether the invitation be accepted or not.
+
+
+RETURNING HOSPITALITY.
+
+Those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the
+invitation before another is extended to them. Society is very severe
+upon those who do not return debts of hospitality, if they have the
+means to do so. If they never entertain anyone because of limited means,
+or for other good reasons, it is so understood, and it is not expected
+that they should make exceptions; or if they are in the habit of giving
+other entertainments and not dinners, their debts of hospitality can be
+returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be. Some are
+deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot
+return the hospitality in so magnificent a form. It is not the costly
+preparations, nor the expensive repast offered which are the most
+agreeable features of any entertainment, but it is the kind and friendly
+feeling shown. Those who are not deterred from accepting such
+invitations for this reason, and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness
+thus shown them, must possess narrow views of their duty, and very
+little self-respect, if, when an opportunity presents itself in any way
+to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested, they fail to avail
+themselves of it. True hospitality, however, neither expects nor desires
+any return.
+
+
+EXPENSIVE DINNERS NOT THE MOST ENJOYABLE.
+
+It is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner, it is indispensable to
+have certain dishes and a variety of wines, because others serve them.
+Those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion, and never
+feel obliged to do as others do, if they wish to do differently. Some of
+the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive. It
+is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing
+all sorts of extravagances, which causes many persons, in every way well
+qualified to do incalculable good socially, to exclude themselves from
+all general society.
+
+
+WINES AT DINNERS.
+
+The _menu_ of a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete, unless
+it includes one or more varieties of wine. When used it is first served
+after soup, but any guest may, with propriety, decline being served.
+This, however, must not be done ostentatiously. Simply say to the
+waiter, or whoever pours it, "not any; thank you." Wine, offered at a
+dinner party, should never be criticized, however poor it may be. A
+person who has partaken of wine, may also decline to have the glass
+filled again.
+
+If the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance
+principles, in deference to the scruples of these guests, wines or
+liquors should not be brought to the table. People who entertain should
+also be cautious as to serving wines at all. It is impossible to tell
+what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests. It may be
+that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of
+wines or stronger alcoholic liquors; or you may renew a passion long
+controlled and entombed; or you may turn a wavering will from a
+seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain. This is an age of
+reforms, the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of
+these, and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if
+they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating
+liquor. Mrs. ex-President Hayes banished wines and liquors from her
+table, and an example set by the "first lady of the land" can be safely
+followed in every American household, whatever may have been former
+prevailing customs. It is safe to say that no "mistress of the White
+House" will ever set aside the temperance principles established by Mrs.
+Hayes.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+Table Manners and Etiquette.
+
+
+It is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct
+themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding, even in the
+privacy of their own homes, when at table, a neglect of such observances
+will render one stiff and awkward in society. There are so many little
+points to be observed, that unless a person is habitually accustomed to
+observe them, he unconsciously commits some error, or will appear
+awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully
+at ease. To be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the
+habitual practice of good manners at the table, and is the result of
+proper home training. It is the duty of parents to accustom their
+children, by example as well as by precept, to be attentive and polite
+to each other at every meal, as well as to observe proper rules of
+etiquette, and if they do so, they need never fear that they will be
+rude or awkward when they go abroad. Even when persons habitually eat
+alone, they should pay due regard to the rules of etiquette, for by so
+doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in
+refined circles; otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits
+which they cannot shake off without great difficulty, and which are at
+times embarrassing to themselves and their friends. In private families
+it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day
+around one common table, where the same rules of etiquette should be
+rigidly enforced, as though each member of the family were sitting at a
+stranger's table. It is only by this constant practice of the rules of
+good behaviour at home, that good manners become easy when any of them
+go abroad.
+
+
+THE BREAKFAST.
+
+At the first meal of the day, even in the most orderly households, an
+amount of freedom is allowed, which would be unjustifiable at any other
+meal. The head of the house may look over his morning paper, and the
+various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or
+studies as they are interested in. Each may rise and leave the table
+when business or pleasure dictates, without awaiting for the others or
+for a general signal.
+
+The breakfast table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made very
+attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its
+ornamentation of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed upon the
+table, cut in slices. In eating, it must always be broken, never cut,
+and certainly not bitten. Fruit should be served in abundance at
+breakfast whenever practicable. There is an old adage which declares
+that "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."
+
+
+LUNCHEON.
+
+In many of our large cities, where business prevents the head of the
+family from returning to dinner until a late hour, luncheon is served
+about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants.
+There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. It
+is all placed upon the table at once, whether it consists of one or more
+courses. Where only one or two are at luncheon, the repast is ordinarily
+served on a tray.
+
+
+DINNER.
+
+The private family dinner should be the social hour of the day. Then
+parents and children should meet together, and the meal should be of
+such length as to admit of the greatest sociality. It is an old saying
+that chatted food is half digested. The utmost good feeling should
+prevail among all. Business and domestic cares and troubles should be,
+for the time, forgotten, and the pleasures of home most heartily
+enjoyed. In another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable
+dinner parties.
+
+
+THE KNIFE AND FORK.
+
+The knife and fork were not made for playthings, and should not be used
+as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served.
+Do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate, nor
+cross them on your plate when you have finished, nor make a noise with
+them. The knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard
+substances, while the fork, held in the left hand, is used in carrying
+food into the mouth. A knife must never, on any account, be put into the
+mouth. When you send your plate to be refilled, do not send your knife
+and fork, but put them upon a piece of bread, or hold them in your hand.
+
+
+GREEDINESS.
+
+To put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy, and if you
+are addressed when your mouth is so filled, you are obliged to pause,
+before answering, until the vast mouthful is masticated, or run the risk
+of choking, by swallowing it too hastily. To eat very fast is also a
+mark of greediness, and should be avoided. The same may be said of
+soaking up gravy with bread, scraping up sauce with a spoon, scraping
+your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES ON TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+Refrain from making a noise when eating, or supping from a spoon, and
+from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food, as
+they are marks of ill-breeding. The lips should be kept closed in eating
+as much as possible.
+
+It is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the
+table, so as to incommode those on either side of you.
+
+Whenever one or both hands are unoccupied, they should be kept below
+the table, and not pushed upon the table and into prominence.
+
+Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without
+asking the head, or host, to excuse you, except at a hotel or boarding
+house.
+
+Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool, but sipped
+from the cup.
+
+If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place
+his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the
+cup.
+
+If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in
+the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though
+your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.
+
+Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead
+of using your knife, spoon or fingers.
+
+Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.
+
+At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your
+ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.
+
+Eat neither too fast nor too slow.
+
+Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the
+table.
+
+Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your
+neighbors.
+
+Do not find fault with the food.
+
+The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon
+the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy
+can be supplied, if necessary.
+
+If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of
+passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself
+first, and then pass it on.
+
+The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of
+particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on
+their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person
+to eat of anything after he has declined.
+
+When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it
+upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.
+
+Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the
+plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+Receptions, Parties and Balls.
+
+
+Morning receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking,
+afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the
+afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to
+remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.
+
+
+THE DRESS.
+
+The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies,
+demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short
+sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress
+coats.
+
+The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze
+or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the
+wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for
+evening parties.
+
+
+THE REFRESHMENTS.
+
+The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light,
+consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, claret punch, ices, fruit and
+cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments
+have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties,
+and renewed from time to time.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal.
+Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home
+Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these
+invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is
+left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No
+calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be
+present, call soon after.
+
+
+MUSICAL MATINEES.
+
+A _matinee musicale_ partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one
+of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary
+to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental
+talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with
+them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is
+customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by
+solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in
+not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as
+accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her
+guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If
+any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in talking or
+whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint
+them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies
+are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned
+for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not
+intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing
+gratification.
+
+The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only
+bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part,
+often remain for a hot supper.
+
+
+PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.
+
+Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are
+of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such
+of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music
+or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.
+
+
+SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.
+
+In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal
+hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be
+informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are
+not considered as good form in good society.
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.
+
+Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced
+into this country from England. For these invitations are usually
+issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left
+hand corner.
+
+ [Illustration:
+           _Five o'clock tea,
+           Wednesday, October 6._]
+
+Or, if for a kettle-drum:
+
+ [Illustration:
+           _Kettle-drum,
+           Wednesday, October 6._]
+
+No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an
+R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave
+cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives
+her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate
+friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few
+remain over half an hour--the conventional time allotted--unless they
+are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in
+the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches,
+buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.
+
+There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception.
+The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening
+to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.
+
+Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the _demi-toilet_,
+with or without bonnets.
+
+At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table,
+together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the
+tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the
+family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number
+assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social
+gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and
+drinking.
+
+
+MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the
+entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of
+late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand
+dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so
+diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to
+evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and
+in all cases they should be answered immediately.
+
+
+BALLS.
+
+The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people
+to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it
+brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and
+takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them
+exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and
+brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It
+may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great
+extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the
+pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the
+exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only
+nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of
+our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles,
+with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those
+who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the
+floor.
+
+
+PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.
+
+There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant
+or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited
+guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests
+ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be
+supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to
+decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an
+expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.
+
+
+THE MUSIC.
+
+Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small,
+the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks
+the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band;
+but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.
+
+
+THE DANCES.
+
+The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes
+are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a
+waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops,
+lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
+
+Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose
+of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon
+meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by
+lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance
+rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so,
+also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask
+her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an
+introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute
+acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for
+this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on
+the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of
+recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when
+the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to
+bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes
+first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take
+place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or
+between persons residing in different cities. In all other cases
+permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is
+sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those
+assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain
+sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to
+converse freely without introductions.
+
+
+RECEIVING GUESTS.
+
+The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now
+prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty
+of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are
+principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him.
+The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share
+their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look
+after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will
+try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers
+themselves.
+
+
+AN AFTER-CALL.
+
+After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you
+were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient--within two
+weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and
+passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it
+is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door.
+It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception
+day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each
+invitation for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls
+due her may be made on that day.
+
+
+SUPPER.
+
+The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock.
+The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an
+abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed,
+fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes
+are such as boned turkey, _boeuf � la mode_, chicken salad, lobster
+salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way
+with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be
+an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the
+last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some
+distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No
+gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen
+every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen,
+although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting
+upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the
+respectability of their guests.
+
+
+THE NUMBER TO INVITE.
+
+Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite
+more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush.
+Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A
+hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than her
+rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received.
+People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a
+ball or dancing party.
+
+
+DUTIES OF GUESTS.
+
+Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the
+guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.
+
+It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation,
+and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a
+regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance
+with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember
+this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her
+toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at
+least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor
+tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.
+
+It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the
+hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.
+
+Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her
+power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither
+hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess
+requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment
+longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to
+another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to
+circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our
+society, would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of
+all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected
+to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until
+relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would
+gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but
+know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation
+flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is
+not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to
+exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of
+civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming
+freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.
+
+While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her
+except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as
+she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to
+make room for others.
+
+
+SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He
+should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any
+portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by
+greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and
+offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it
+repaired.
+
+If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to
+her with a glass of water, to take her into the ball-room when she is
+without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any
+of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will,
+under any circumstances, refuse her request.
+
+A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to
+dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been
+given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If
+he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice
+himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the
+dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action
+will be his reward.
+
+When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment,
+are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty,
+after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend
+to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and
+hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.
+
+
+DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
+
+A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of
+entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet
+her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter
+room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with
+her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home
+whenever she wishes to go. He should watch during the evening to see
+that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she
+should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he
+should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her
+within the next two days.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES FOR BALLS.
+
+A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a
+ball.
+
+The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to
+supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other,
+unless his partner is already engaged.
+
+Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great
+charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations,
+loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room.
+Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.
+
+In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the
+house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do
+so.
+
+The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball
+there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be.
+A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of
+not less than seventy-five persons."
+
+Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who
+were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the
+first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some
+acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting
+their inability to be present.
+
+When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand
+behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though
+it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should
+hold it gracefully by his side.
+
+Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two
+dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the
+gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology.
+Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.
+
+It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a
+quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half
+way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her
+unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she
+knows.
+
+Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other
+color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.
+
+Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society,
+those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual
+attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from
+doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.
+
+The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that
+clergymen should never be seen at balls, the better for all who attend
+them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any
+member of his church to be seen.
+
+In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the
+family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your
+departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to
+make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the
+entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it
+is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."
+
+Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good
+reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal
+dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to
+dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance.
+The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to
+dance are provided with partners.
+
+Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to
+their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.
+
+When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be
+provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the
+house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the
+door to the carriage steps.
+
+Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before
+the music strikes up.
+
+In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance with any
+gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she
+declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by
+abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance
+progresses.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+Etiquette of the Street.
+
+
+The manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people
+he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public
+conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all
+times, in all places, and under all circumstances, is kind and courteous
+to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and
+feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is
+ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.
+
+
+THE STREET MANNERS OF A LADY.
+
+The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve,
+so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her,
+while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere
+which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.
+
+A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing
+that she ought not to see and hear, recognizing acquaintances with a
+courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always
+unobtrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does
+anything to attract the attention of the passers-by. She walks along in
+her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from
+any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be
+subjected.
+
+A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when
+voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an
+expression of hearty thanks.
+
+
+FORMING STREET ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract
+the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would
+render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to
+far graver charges.
+
+
+RECOGNIZING FRIENDS IN THE STREET.
+
+No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation,
+or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a
+bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they
+should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in
+company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If
+a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does
+not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he
+should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always
+returns a salutation made to her.
+
+
+A CROWDED STREET.
+
+When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by
+reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed
+singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.
+
+
+INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES.
+
+If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article
+whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it
+to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it
+from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent
+with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.
+
+
+THE FIRST TO BOW.
+
+In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the
+street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first
+bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist
+upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and
+raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without
+waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will
+certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each
+salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.
+
+
+ALWAYS RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by
+bowing or words of greeting, a gentleman lifting his hat. If they stop
+to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not
+forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.
+
+ [Illustration: GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY.]
+
+
+BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.
+
+If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him,
+all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him,
+he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger
+is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an
+acquaintance.
+
+
+DO NOT LACK POLITENESS.
+
+Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be
+recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms
+to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them.
+Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the
+courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all
+lookers-on will regard the matter.
+
+
+TALKING WITH A LADY IN THE STREET.
+
+In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to
+speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop
+her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he
+has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.
+
+
+LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER.
+
+A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most
+scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is
+customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and
+he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the
+street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him
+where she will be the least exposed to crowding.
+
+
+OFFERING THE ARM TO A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever her safety, comfort or
+convenience seems to require it, offer a lady companion his arm. At
+other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband
+and wife or engaged. In the latter case, it is not always advisable to
+do so, as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks.
+
+
+KEEPING STEP.
+
+In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it is desirable that
+the two keep step. Ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as
+far as practicable, to that of their escort. It is easily done.
+
+
+OPENING THE DOOR FOR A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first.
+This is obligatory, not only in the case of the lady who accompanies
+him, but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to
+enter at the same time.
+
+
+ANSWERING QUESTIONS.
+
+A gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may
+address to him upon the street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at
+least touching it respectfully.
+
+
+SMOKING UPON THE STREETS.
+
+In England a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets. While this
+rule does not hold good in this country, yet no gentleman will ever
+insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company, and in meeting
+and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth.
+
+
+OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR.
+
+No gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners
+and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing
+every lady who passes.
+
+
+CARRYING PACKAGES.
+
+A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a
+package of any kind, but will insist upon relieving her of it. He may
+even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his
+assistance, if their ways lie in the same direction.
+
+
+SHOUTING.
+
+Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the
+other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then
+make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately
+loud tone of voice.
+
+
+TWO GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY.
+
+When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not
+be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the
+outside and the other upon the inside.
+
+
+CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY.
+
+If a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm, and they cross
+the street, it is better not to disengage the arm, and go round upon the
+outside. Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is
+always to be avoided.
+
+
+FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When on your way to fill an engagement, if a friend stops you on the
+street you may, without committing a breach of etiquette, tell him of
+your appointment, and release yourself from any delay that may be
+occasioned by a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing
+regret for the necessity.
+
+
+WALKING WITH A LADY ACQUAINTANCE.
+
+A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the
+purpose of walking with her, unless he ascertains that his company would
+be perfectly agreeable to her. It might be otherwise, and she should
+frankly say so, if asked.
+
+
+PASSING BEFORE A LADY.
+
+When a lady wishes to enter a store, house or room, if a gentleman
+accompanies her, he should hold the door open and allow her to enter
+first, if practicable; for a gentleman must never pass before a lady
+anywhere if he can avoid it, or without an apology.
+
+
+SHOPPING ETIQUETTE.
+
+In inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or
+salesman, "I want" such an article, but, "Please show me" such an
+article, or some other polite form of address.
+
+You should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which
+another person is examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter,
+when you are at liberty to examine it.
+
+It is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they
+have finished making their purchases, or to ask their attention to your
+own purchases. It is rude to offer your opinion unasked, upon their
+judgment or taste, in the selection of goods.
+
+It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly
+discourteous to the salesman. Use no deceit, but be honest with them, if
+you wish them to be honest with you.
+
+Avoid "jewing down" the prices of articles in any way. If the price does
+not suit, you may say so quietly, and depart, but it is generally best
+to say nothing about it.
+
+It is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do
+better elsewhere, which should be resented by instant departure.
+
+Ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small
+talk, while other customers are in the store to be waited upon.
+
+Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly
+vulgar.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR PUBLIC CONVEYANCES.
+
+In street cars, omnibuses and other public street conveyances, it should
+be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering,
+and no gentleman will retain his seat when there are ladies standing.
+When a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman, she expresses her thanks in
+a kind and pleasant manner.
+
+A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept the offer of services from a
+stranger in alighting from, or entering an omnibus or other public
+conveyance, and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant
+"Thank you, sir," or a bow.
+
+Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.
+
+Gentlemen should not cross their legs, nor stretch their feet out into
+the passage-way of a public conveyance.
+
+
+AVOID CUTTING.
+
+No gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized
+him, under any circumstances. A young lady should, under no provocation,
+"cut" a married lady. It is the privilege of age to first recognize
+those who are younger in years. No young man will fail to recognize an
+aged one after he has met with recognition. "Cutting" is to be avoided
+if possible. There are other ways of convincing a man that you do not
+know him, yet, to young ladies, it is sometimes the only means available
+to rid them of troublesome acquaintances. "Cutting" consists in
+returning a bow or recognition with a stare, and is publicly ignoring
+the acquaintance of the person so treated. It is sometimes done by words
+in saying, "Really I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance."
+
+
+AVOIDING CARRIAGES.
+
+For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is
+inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the
+carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The
+foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude
+until the melancholy train has passed, is a commendable one to be
+followed in this country.
+
+
+KEEP TO THE RIGHT.
+
+On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right hand,
+except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside
+to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a
+heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.
+
+
+SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS.
+
+If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is
+but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside.
+Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two
+ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half
+deluges his companions with its dripping streams.
+
+Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down,
+or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the
+way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.
+
+A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street
+after dark. If she passes the evening with a friend, provision should be
+made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at
+whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some
+proper person--a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband--to
+perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if
+circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.
+
+A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow
+her to precede him in going down.
+
+Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and
+dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name
+and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting
+while you are disputing with a hack-man.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration: SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK.]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+Etiquette of Public Places.
+
+
+All well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all
+places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be
+found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of
+others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by
+instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in
+whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the
+fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings
+of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into
+social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and
+prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many
+people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness,
+are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining
+to places of public assemblages. It is for this reason that rules are
+here given by which may be regulated the conduct of people in various
+public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call
+forth unfavorable criticism.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
+
+A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.
+
+When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until
+an usher appears to show you to a seat.
+
+A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the
+side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should
+be no haste in passing up the aisle.
+
+People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and
+avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with
+the feet or hands.
+
+It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it
+is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.
+
+Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head
+of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is
+customary for him to sit by her side during church services.
+
+A person should never leave church until the services are over, except
+in some case of emergency.
+
+Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir,
+to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing
+noise.
+
+If books or fans are passed in church, let them be offered and accepted
+or refused with a silent gesture of the head.
+
+It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if
+the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should
+be indicated.
+
+It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book
+with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.
+
+In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost
+respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of
+the church--that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No
+matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you,
+let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the
+church.
+
+When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up
+the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously.
+When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings
+with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous
+laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule
+or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of
+their eyes and tongues.
+
+If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to
+her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This
+he must do with the ungloved right hand.
+
+In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one
+should always go at a time when there are no services being held. If
+people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case
+in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor
+should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not
+disturb them.
+
+
+INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.
+
+A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre,
+concert or other public place of amusement, must send his invitation the
+previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines,
+there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.
+
+It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment,
+or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where
+they can neither see nor hear.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATER OR PUBLIC HALL.
+
+On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk
+side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which
+case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her
+to take the inner one, assuming the outer one himself.
+
+A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the
+beginning to the close of the performance.
+
+If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to
+promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must
+retain his position by her side.
+
+There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to
+a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he
+accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse
+with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable
+to her as possible.
+
+During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the
+audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts
+it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone,
+so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should
+be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like
+demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention
+of others.
+
+It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they
+deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving
+satisfaction.
+
+The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and
+with libretto also if they are attending opera.
+
+In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should
+precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.
+
+If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call
+for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the
+evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to
+reach their destination before the performance commences. It is unjust
+to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in
+obtaining seats.
+
+The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following
+day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of
+delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real
+pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for
+criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and
+seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking
+her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.
+
+
+REMAIN UNTIL THE PERFORMANCE CLOSES.
+
+At a theatrical or operatic performance, you should remain seated until
+the performance is concluded and the curtain falls. It is exceedingly
+rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing
+to a close, yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been
+followed by many well-meaning people, who, if they were aware of the
+extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience, and
+unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage, would shrink
+from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES.
+
+In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment
+of a gentleman or a lady. Make no loud comments and do not seek to show
+superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism. If you have
+not an art education you will probably only be giving publicity to your
+own ignorance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus
+obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you
+wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects, draw to one side,
+out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures.
+
+
+CONDUCT AT CHARITY FAIRS.
+
+In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their
+price, unless you can praise. If you want them, pay the price demanded,
+or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all
+means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances
+to be within hearing. If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike
+means to obtain buyers. Not even the demands of charity can justify you
+in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or
+beyond their means.
+
+Never appear so beggarly as to retain the change, if a larger amount is
+presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentleman
+will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it
+with thanks. He is, however, under no obligation whatever to make such
+donation.
+
+Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid
+conspicuous flirting in so public a place.
+
+As a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, so
+he should remain with head uncovered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a
+public place of this character.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN AN ARTIST'S STUDIO.
+
+If you have occasion to visit an artist's studio, by no means meddle
+with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which stands or hangs with
+face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter
+by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or
+article of _vertu_ posed as a model. You do not know with what care the
+artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the
+disarrangement may cost him.
+
+Use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything
+presented for your inspection. If a picture or a statue please you, show
+your approval and appreciation by close attention, and a few quiet, well
+chosen words, rather than by extravagant praise.
+
+Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a
+purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works,
+make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a
+written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You
+may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from
+the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask
+his price, and if he names a higher one than you wish to give, you may
+say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be
+optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your
+offer.
+
+It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special
+invitation or permission, and at an appointed time, for you cannot
+estimate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight
+are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil
+is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice, and may be
+instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors.
+
+Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in
+spite of the most careful watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor
+will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant
+state of apprehension.
+
+If you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist
+waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so you should in
+justice pay for the time you make him lose.
+
+A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work;
+for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb
+him greatly.
+
+
+GENTLEMEN PASSING BEFORE LADIES.
+
+Gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated
+in lecture and concert rooms, theaters and other public places, should
+beg pardon for disturbing them; passing with their faces and never with
+their backs toward them.
+
+
+WHERE GENTLEMEN MAY KEEP THEIR HATS ON.
+
+At garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air, gentlemen
+keep their hats on their heads. If draughts of cold air, or other
+causes, make it necessary for them to retain their hats on their heads,
+when in the presence of ladies within doors, they explain the necessity
+and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+Etiquette of Travelling.
+
+
+There is nothing that tests the natural politeness of men and women so
+thoroughly as traveling. We all desire as much comfort as possible and
+as a rule are selfish. In these days of railroad travel, when every
+railway is equipped with elegant coaches for the comfort, convenience
+and sometimes luxury of its passengers, and provided with gentlemanly
+conductors and servants, the longest journeys by railroad can be made
+alone by self-possessed ladies with perfect safety and but little
+annoyance. Then, too, a lady who deports herself as such may travel from
+the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Maine to the Gulf of Mexico, and meet
+with no affront or insult, but on the contrary receive polite attentions
+at every point, from men who may chance to be her fellow-travelers. This
+may be accounted for from the fact that, as a rule in America, all men
+show a deferential regard for women, and are especially desirous of
+showing them such attentions as will render a long and lonesome journey
+as pleasant as possible.
+
+
+DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
+
+However self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general
+bearing a lady may be, and though capable of undertaking any journey,
+howsoever long it may be, an escort is at all times much more pleasant,
+and generally acceptable. When a gentleman undertakes the escort of a
+lady, he should proceed with her to the depot, or meet her there, a
+sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the
+checking of her baggage, procure her ticket, and obtain for her an
+eligible seat in the cars, allowing her to choose such seat as she
+desires. He will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their
+proper receptacle, and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for
+her as possible, taking a seat near her, or by the side of her if she
+requests it, and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one.
+
+Upon arriving at her destination, he should conduct her to the ladies'
+waiting-room or to a carriage, until he has attended to her baggage,
+which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it. He
+should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and
+deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care. On
+the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health.
+It is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged
+or not after this call. If the lady does not wish to prolong the
+acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her friends, to request a
+similar favor of him at another time.
+
+
+THE DUTY OF A LADY TO HER ESCORT.
+
+The lady may supply her escort with a sum of money ample to pay all the
+expenses of the journey before purchasing her ticket, or furnish him the
+exact amount required, or, at the suggestion of her escort, she may
+allow him to defray the expenses from his own pocket, and settle with
+him at the end of the journey. The latter course, however, should only
+be pursued when the gentleman suggests it, and a strict account of the
+expenses incurred must be insisted on.
+
+A lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as
+possible, and she should make no unnecessary demands upon his good
+nature and gentlemanly services. Her hand-baggage should be as small as
+circumstances will permit, and when once disposed of, it should remain
+undisturbed until she is about to leave the car, unless she should
+absolutely require it. As the the train nears the end of her journey,
+she will deliberately gather together her effects preparatory to
+departure, so that when the train stops she will be ready to leave the
+car at once and not wait to hurriedly grab her various parcels, or cause
+her escort unnecessary delay.
+
+
+A LADY TRAVELING ALONE.
+
+A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services from her
+fellow-travelers, which she should always acknowledge graciously.
+Indeed, it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an
+unescorted lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or lower her
+window if she seems to have any difficulty in doing it herself. He may
+offer his assistance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or
+in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. Still, women should learn
+to be as self-reliant as possible; and young women particularly should
+accept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the slightest
+offices, very rarely.
+
+
+LADIES MAY ASSIST OTHER LADIES.
+
+It is not only the right, but the duty of ladies to render any
+assistance or be of any service to younger ladies, or those less
+experienced in traveling than themselves. They may show many little
+courtesies which will make the journey less tedious to the inexperienced
+traveler, and may give her important advice or assistance which may be
+of benefit to her. An acquaintance formed in traveling, need never be
+retained afterwards. It is optional whether it is or not.
+
+
+THE COMFORT OF OTHERS.
+
+In seeking his own comfort, no passenger has a right to overlook or
+disregard that of others. If for his own comfort, he wishes to raise or
+lower a window he should consult the wishes of passengers immediately
+around him before doing so. The discomforts of traveling should be borne
+cheerfully, for what may enhance your own comfort may endanger the
+health of some fellow-traveler.
+
+
+ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS.
+
+See everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have
+their wants supplied before you think of your own. Nor is there need for
+unmanly haste or pushing in entering or leaving cars or boats. There is
+always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly
+manner and with a due regard to the rights of others.
+
+If, in riding in the street-cars or crossing a ferry, your friend
+insists on paying for you, permit him to do so without serious
+remonstrance. You can return the favor at some other time.
+
+
+READING WHEN TRAVELLING.
+
+If a gentleman in traveling, either on cars or steamboat, has provided
+himself with newspapers or other reading, he should offer them to his
+companions first. If they are refused, he may with propriety read
+himself, leaving the others free to do the same if they wish.
+
+
+OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS.
+
+No lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a
+crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations she should at
+once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat
+beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it, no matter how
+agreeable it may be to retain possession of it.
+
+It shows a great lack of proper manners to see two ladies, or a lady
+and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their
+wraps and bundles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or
+remonstrating looks of fellow-passengers. In such a case any person who
+desires a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage
+and taking possession of the unused seat.
+
+
+RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT.
+
+A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to
+purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch, leaving the
+seat in charge of a companion, or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat
+upon it to show that it is engaged. When a seat is thus occupied, the
+right of possession must be respected, and no one should presume to take
+a seat thus previously engaged, even though it may be wanted for a lady.
+A gentleman cannot, however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another
+in the smoking-car, and at the same time reserve his rights to the first
+seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the
+first.
+
+It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his
+seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do
+so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor
+accommodations.
+
+In the street cars the case is different. No woman should be allowed to
+stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the
+man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford
+to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act.
+
+
+DISCRETION IN FORMING ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+While an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat,
+continues only during the trip, discretion should be used in making
+acquaintances. Ladies may, as has been stated, accept small courtesies
+and favors from strangers, but must check at once any attempt at
+familiarity. On the other hand, no man who pretends to be a gentleman
+will attempt any familiarity. The practice of some young girls just
+entering into womanhood, of flirting with any young man they may chance
+to meet, either in a railway car or on a steamboat, indicates
+low-breeding in the extreme. If, however, the journey is long, and
+especially if it be on a steamboat, a certain sociability may be
+allowed, and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her
+privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one, for fellow-passengers
+should always be sociable to one another.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+RIDING AND DRIVING.
+
+
+One of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amusements that can be
+indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on
+horseback, and it is a matter of regret that it is not participated in
+to a greater extent than it is. The etiquette of riding, though meagre,
+is exact and important.
+
+
+LEARNING TO RIDE.
+
+The first thing to do is to learn to ride, and no one should attempt to
+appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken.
+Until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback, he or she
+should not appear in public. The advice given in the old rhyme should be
+kept in mind, viz:
+
+          Keep up your head and your heart,
+            Your hands and your heels keep down;
+          Press your knees close to your horse's sides,
+            And your elbows close to your own.
+
+
+THE GENTLEMAN'S DUTY AS AN ESCORT.
+
+When a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady, his first duty is to
+see that her horse is a proper one for her use, and one that she can
+readily manage. He must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly
+secure, and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men, without
+personal examination. He must be punctual at the appointed hour, and not
+keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume. He should see
+the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself; take
+his position on the lady's right in riding, open all gates and pay all
+tolls on the road.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT.
+
+The lady will place herself on the left side of the horse, standing as
+close to it as possible, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her
+right hand upon the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The
+gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and
+stooping, hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it. This she
+does, when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in
+gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup,
+smooth the skirt of her riding habit, and give her the reins and her
+riding whip.
+
+
+RIDING WITH LADIES.
+
+In riding with one lady, a gentleman takes his position to the right of
+her. When riding with two or more, his position is still to the right
+unless one of them needs his assistance or requests his presence near
+her. He must offer all the courtesies of the road, and yield the best
+and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady must always decide upon the
+pace at which to ride. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse
+to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.
+
+If a gentleman, when riding alone, meets a lady who is walking and
+wishes to enter into conversation with her, he must alight and remain on
+foot while talking with her.
+
+
+ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM HER HORSE.
+
+After the ride, the gentleman must assist his companion to alight. She
+must first free her knee from the pommel, and be certain that her habit
+is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right,
+and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand
+slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing. A
+lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.
+
+
+DRIVING.
+
+The choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses, and
+gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies. If only one
+gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage, the
+gentleman must sit opposite the lady, unless she invites him to a seat
+by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing
+the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, which she never
+resigns. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most
+distinguished lady. A person should enter a carriage with the back to
+the seat, so as to prevent turning round in the carriage. A gentleman
+must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress. In driving,
+one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and
+passing another vehicle is to keep to the right.
+
+
+ASSISTING LADIES TO ALIGHT.
+
+A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pass
+before a lady in doing so. He must then assist the ladies to alight. If
+there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door,
+but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required
+assistance. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the
+gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out, and if she
+wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight to help her to do so.
+
+In assisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman will take care that
+the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. A carriage robe
+should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the
+road. The gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol, fan and
+shawl, and see that she is comfortable in every way, before he seats
+himself.
+
+
+TRUSTING THE DRIVER.
+
+While driving with another who holds the reins, you must not interfere
+with the driver, as anything of this kind implies a reproof, which is
+very offensive. If you think his conduct wrong, or are in fear of danger
+resulting, you may delicately suggest a change, apologizing therefor.
+You should resign yourself to the driver's control, and be perfectly
+calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+Courtship and Marriage.
+
+
+The correct behavior of young men toward young ladies, and of young
+ladies toward young men, during that portion of their lives when they
+are respectively paying attention to, and receiving attention from, one
+another, is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this
+nature.
+
+
+A GENTLEMAN'S CONDUCT TOWARD LADIES.
+
+Young people of either sex, who have arrived at mature age, and who are
+not engaged, have the utmost freedom in their social intercourse in this
+country, and are at liberty to associate and mingle freely in the same
+circles with those of the opposite sex. Gentlemen are at liberty to
+invite their lady friends to concerts, operas, balls, etc., to call upon
+them at their homes, to ride and drive with them, and make themselves
+agreeable to all young ladies to whom their company is acceptable. In
+fact they are at liberty to accept invitations and give them _ad
+libitum_. As soon, however, as a young gentleman neglects all others,
+to devote himself to a single lady, he gives that lady reason to suppose
+that he is particularly attracted to her, and may give her cause to
+believe that she is to become engaged to him, without telling her so. A
+gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony should not pay too
+exclusive attention to any one lady.
+
+
+A LADY'S CONDUCT TOWARD GENTLEMEN.
+
+A young lady who is not engaged may receive calls and attentions from
+such unmarried gentlemen as she desires, and may accept invitations to
+ride, to concerts, theatres, etc. She should use due discretion,
+however, as to whom she favors by the acceptance of such invitations. A
+young lady should not allow special attention from anyone to whom she is
+not specially attracted, because, first, she may do injury to the
+gentleman in seeming to give his suit encouragement; and, secondly, she
+may keep away from her those whom she likes better, but who will not
+approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already
+interested. A young lady should not encourage the addresses of a
+gentleman unless she feels that she can return his affections. It is the
+prerogative of a man to propose, and of a woman to accept or refuse, and
+a lady of tact and kind heart will exercise her prerogative before her
+suitor is brought to the humiliation of an offer which must result in a
+refusal.
+
+No well-bred lady will too eagerly receive the attentions of a
+gentleman, no matter how much she admires him; nor, on the other hand,
+will she be so reserved as to altogether discourage him. A man may show
+considerable attention to a lady without becoming a lover; and so a lady
+may let it be seen that she is not disagreeable to him without
+discouraging him. She will be able to judge soon from his actions and
+deportment, as to his motive in paying her his attentions, and will
+treat him accordingly. A man does not like to be refused when he makes a
+proposal, and no man of tact will risk a refusal. Neither will a
+well-bred lady encourage a man to make a proposal, which she must
+refuse. She should endeavor, in discouraging him as a lover, to retain
+his friendship. A young man of sensibilities, who can take a hint when
+it is offered him, need not run the risk of a refusal.
+
+
+PREMATURE DECLARATION.
+
+It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, for a gentleman to make
+a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance. A lady who
+would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the
+discretion needed to make a good wife.
+
+
+THOROUGH ACQUAINTANCE AS A BASIS FOR MARRIAGE.
+
+Perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is
+a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage. There should be
+thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes
+and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon.
+
+
+PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP.
+
+It is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship
+and proposal. In France it is the business of the parents to settle all
+preliminaries. In England the young man asks the consent of the parents
+to pay addresses to their daughter. In this country the matter is left
+almost entirely to the young people.
+
+It seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to
+engagement. Thus, a man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may
+discover before any promise binds them to each other, that they are
+entirely unsuited to one another, when he may, with perfect propriety
+and without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his attentions.
+
+Certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be
+obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage. While
+there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course, still, in this
+country, with our social customs, it is deemed best in most cases not to
+be too strict in this regard. Each case has its own peculiar
+circumstances which must govern it, and it seems at least pardonable if
+the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of
+the most interested party, before he submits himself to the cooler
+judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother, who are
+not by any means in love with him, and who may possibly regard him with
+a somewhat jealous eye, as having already monopolized their daughter's
+affections, and now desires to take her away from them altogether.
+
+
+PARENTS SHOULD EXERCISE AUTHORITY OVER DAUGHTERS.
+
+Parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their
+daughter's associates, and they should exercise their authority so far
+as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances. In regulating
+the social relations of their daughter, parents should bear in mind the
+possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come
+in frequent contact. Therefore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is
+particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be excluded as far as
+practicable from her society.
+
+
+A WATCHFUL CARE REQUIRED BY PARENTS.
+
+Parents, especially mothers, should also watch with a jealous care the
+tendencies of their daughter's affections; and if they see them turning
+toward unworthy or undesirable objects, influence of some sort should be
+brought to bear to counteract this. Great delicacy and tact are required
+to manage matters rightly. A more suitable person may, if available, be
+brought forward, in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention.
+The objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor should be made
+apparent to her without the act seeming to be intentional; and if all
+this fails, let change of scene and surroundings by travel or visiting
+accomplish the desired result. The latter course will generally do it,
+if matters have not been allowed to progress too far and the young girl
+is not informed _why_ she is temporarily banished from home.
+
+
+AN ACCEPTABLE SUITOR.
+
+Parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct just
+how matters stand with their daughter; and if the suitor is an
+acceptable one and everything satisfactory, then the most scrupulous
+rules of etiquette will not prevent their letting the young couple
+alone. If the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and consult
+her father afterward, consider that he has a perfect right to do so. If
+her parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by a silent
+consent, he has a right to believe that his addresses will be favorably
+received by them.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
+
+Respect for each other is as necessary to a happy marriage as that the
+husband and wife should have an affection for one another. Social
+equality, intellectual sympathy, and sufficient means are very important
+matters to be considered by those who contemplate matrimony.
+
+It must be remembered that husband and wife, after marriage, have social
+relations to sustain, and perhaps it will be discovered, before many
+months of wedded life have passed, when there is a social inequality,
+that one of the two have made a sacrifice for which no adequate
+compensation has been or ever will be received. And so both lives become
+soured and spoiled, because neither receives nor can receive the
+sympathy which their efforts deserve, and because their cares are
+multiplied from a want of congeniality. One or the other may find that
+the noble qualities seen by the impulse of early love, were but the
+creation of an infatuated fancy, existing only in the mind where it
+originated.
+
+Another condition of domestic happiness is intellectual sympathy. Man
+requires a woman who can make his home a place of rest for him, and
+woman requires a man of domestic tastes. While a woman who seeks to find
+happiness in a married life will never consent to be wedded to an idler
+or a pleasure-seeker, so a man of intelligence will wed none but a woman
+of intelligence and good sense. Neither beauty, physical characteristics
+nor other external qualifications will compensate for the absence of
+intellectual thought and clear and quick comprehensions. An absurd idea
+is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go
+together; that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at
+home to look after the interests of her household and children. A more
+unreasonable idea has never been suggested, for as the intellect is
+strengthened and cultured, it has a greater capacity of affection, of
+domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others.
+
+Mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for happiness in
+married life. There can be no true love without trust. The
+responsibility of a man's life is in a woman's keeping from the moment
+he puts his heart into her hands. Without mutual trust there can be no
+real happiness.
+
+Another requisite for conjugal happiness is moral and religious
+sympathy, that each may walk side by side in the same path of moral
+purpose and social usefulness, with joint hope of immortality.
+
+
+PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE.
+
+Rules in regard to proposals of marriage cannot be laid down, for they
+are and should be as different as people. The best way is to apply to
+the lady in person, and receive the answer from her own lips. If courage
+should fail a man in this, he can resort to writing, by which he can
+clearly and boldly express his feelings. A spoken declaration should be
+bold, manly and earnest, and so plain in its meaning that there can be
+no misunderstanding. As to the exact words to be used, there can be no
+set formula; each proposer must be governed by his own ideas and sense
+of propriety in the matter.
+
+
+DO NOT PRESS AN UNWELCOME SUIT.
+
+A gentleman should evince a sincere and unselfish affection for his
+beloved, and he will show as well as feel that her happiness must be
+considered before his own. Consequently he should not press an unwelcome
+suit upon a young lady. If she has no affection for him, and does not
+conceive it possible even to entertain any, it is cruel to urge her to
+give her person without her love. The eager lover may believe, for the
+time being, that such possession would satisfy him, but the day will
+surely come when he will reproach his wife that she had no love for him,
+and he will possibly make that an excuse for all manner of unkindness.
+
+
+A LADY'S FIRST REFUSAL.
+
+It is not always necessary to take a lady's first refusal as absolute.
+Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence
+a lady to reply in the negative, and after-consideration cause her to
+regret that reply.
+
+Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been
+once repulsed, still it should not be repeated too often nor too long,
+lest it should degenerate into importuning.
+
+No lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say "no" twice to a suit
+which she intends ultimately to receive with favor. A lady should be
+allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind; and if the
+gentleman grows impatient at the delay, he is always at liberty to
+insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his
+impatience.
+
+
+A LADY'S POSITIVE REFUSAL.
+
+A lady who really means "no" should be able to so say it as to make her
+meaning unmistakable. For her own sake and that of her suitor, if she
+really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive, yet kind
+and dignified, and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being
+final.
+
+
+TRIFLING WITH A LADY.
+
+A man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner. It is most
+unfair to a lady. He has no right to trifle with her feelings for mere
+sport, nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a
+jest.
+
+
+A DOUBTFUL ANSWER.
+
+Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer
+given under the plea of sparing the suitor's feelings. It raises false
+hopes. It renders a man restless and unsettled. It may cause him to
+express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not
+dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless.
+
+
+HOW TO TREAT A REFUSAL.
+
+As a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her,
+so no sensible man will think the worse of her, nor feel himself
+personally injured by a refusal. That it will give him pain is most
+probable. A scornful "no" or a simpering promise to "think about it" is
+the reverse of generous.
+
+In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor
+intended her by the gentleman, and to add, seriously but not
+offensively, that it is not in accordance with her inclination, or that
+circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer.
+
+
+UNLADYLIKE CONDUCT TOWARD A SUITOR.
+
+It is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in
+suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the
+eyes of friends. Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of
+the offer she had received and rejected. Such an offer is a privileged
+communication. The secret of it should be held sacred. No true lady
+will ever divulge to anyone, unless it may be to her mother, the fact of
+such an offer. It is the severest breach of honor to do so. A lady who
+has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second
+opportunity for thus boasting.
+
+No true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of
+commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to
+throw a cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress, or abusing
+his confidence, must be inexpressibly painful to her.
+
+
+THE REJECTED SUITOR.
+
+The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Etiquette demands that
+he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field.
+He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she assign it,
+he is bound to respect her secret, if it is one, and to hold it
+inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with
+marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste. The proper
+course is to withdraw as much as possible, from the circles in which she
+moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be otherwise
+than painful.
+
+
+PRESENTS AFTER ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When a couple become engaged, the gentleman presents the lady with a
+ring, which is worn on the ring-finger of the right hand. He may also
+make her other small presents from time to time, until they are married,
+but if she has any scruples about accepting them, he can send her
+flowers, which are at all times acceptable.
+
+
+CONDUCT OF THE FIANCEE.
+
+The conduct of the _fiancee_ should be tender, assiduous and
+unobtrusive. He will be kind and polite to the sisters of his betrothed
+and friendly with her brothers. Yet he must not be in any way unduly
+familiar or force himself into family confidences on the ground that he
+is to be regarded as a member of the family. Let the advance come rather
+from them to him, and let him show a due appreciation of any confidences
+which they may be pleased to bestow upon him. The family of the young
+man should make the first advances toward an acquaintance with his
+future wife. They should call upon her or write to her, and they may
+with perfect propriety invite her to visit them in order that they may
+become acquainted.
+
+
+THE POSITION OF AN ENGAGED WOMAN.
+
+An engaged woman should eschew all flirtations, though it does not
+follow that she is to cut herself off from all association with the
+other sex because she has chosen her future husband. She may still have
+friends and acquaintances, she may still receive visits and calls, but
+she must try to conduct herself in such a manner as to give no offense.
+
+
+POSITION OF AN ENGAGED MAN.
+
+The same rules may be laid down in regard to the other party to the
+contract, only that he pays visits instead of receiving them. Neither
+should assume a masterful or jealous altitude toward the other. They are
+neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but must
+mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before, and take the
+same delight in friendship. The fact that they have confessed their love
+for each other, ought to be deemed a sufficient guarantee of
+faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust and confidence.
+
+
+THE RELATIONS OF AN ENGAGED COUPLE.
+
+A young man has no right to put a slight upon his future bride by
+appearing in public with other ladies while she remains neglected at
+home. He is in future her legitimate escort. He should attend no other
+lady when she needs his services; she should accept no other escort when
+he is at liberty to attend her. A lady should not be too demonstrative
+of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the
+chance of "a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip;" and over-demonstrations
+of love are not pleasant to be remembered by a young lady, if the man to
+whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband. An
+honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such
+demonstration. He will always maintain a respectful and decorous
+demeanor toward her.
+
+No young man who would shrink from being guilty of a great impropriety,
+should ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock, unless it be the
+common custom of the family to remain up and to entertain visitors to a
+later hour, and the visit paid is a family one and not a _tete-a-tete_.
+Two hours is quite long enough for a call; and the young man will give
+evidence of his affection no less than his consideration, by making his
+visits short, and, if need be, making them often, rather than by
+prolonging to unreasonable hours.
+
+
+LOVERS' DISPUTES.
+
+Neither party should try to make the other jealous for the purpose of
+testing his or her affection. Such a course is contemptible; and if the
+affections of the other are permanently lost by it, the offending party
+is only gaining his or her just deserts. Neither should there be
+provocation to little quarrels for the foolish delight of
+reconciliation. No lover will assume a domineering attitude over his
+future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape from his thrall
+before she becomes his wife in reality. A domineering lover will be
+certain to be more domineering as a husband.
+
+
+BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engagement. Many circumstances
+will justify this. Indeed anything which may occur or be discovered
+which shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable or unhappy one
+is, and should be accepted as, justification for such rupture. Still,
+breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing, and
+ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons. It is
+generally best to break an engagement by letter. By this means one can
+express himself or herself more clearly, and give the true reason for
+his or her course much better than in a personal interview. The letter
+breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything, in the way
+of portraits, letters or gifts, that has been received during the
+engagement. Such letters should be acknowledged in a dignified manner,
+and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the
+decision of the writer, unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly
+mistaken in his or her premises. A similar return of letters, portraits
+and gifts should be made.
+
+Many men, in taking retrospective glances, remember how they were
+devoted to women, the memory of whom calls up only a vague sort of
+wonder how they ever could have fallen into the state of infatuation in
+which they once were. The same may be said of many women. Heart-breaking
+separations have taken place between young men and young women who have
+learned that the sting of parting does not last forever. The heart,
+lacerated by a hopeless or misplaced attachment, when severed from the
+cause of its woe, gradually heals and prepares itself to receive fresh
+wounds, for affection requires either a constant contemplation of, or
+intercourse, with its object, to keep it alive.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+Etiquette of Weddings.
+
+
+The circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied, and the
+religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous, that to lay
+down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great
+difficulty, if not an impossibility. Consequently only those forms of
+marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies, and all the attendant
+ceremonials will here be given, and others may be modeled after them as
+the occasion may seem to require. After the marriage invitations are
+issued, the _fiancee_ does not appear in public. It is also _de rigueur_
+at morning weddings, that she does not see the bridegroom on the
+wedding-day, until they meet at the altar.
+
+
+THE BRIDEMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN.
+
+Only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be
+bridemaids--the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom, where it is
+possible. The bridegroom chooses his best man and the groomsmen and
+ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from
+the relatives of his _fiancee_ of a suitable age. The dresses of the
+bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make
+it necessary.
+
+
+THE BRIDAL COSTUME.
+
+The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high
+corsage, a long wide veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a
+wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can
+continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the
+ceremony.
+
+
+COSTUMES OF THE BRIDEGROOM AND USHERS.
+
+The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning
+dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and
+light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear
+gloves of some delicate color.
+
+
+PRESENTS OF THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.
+
+Where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day,
+they generally consist of some articles of jewelry, not costly, and
+given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic
+worth. The bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some
+quaint device, or some other slight memento of the day, as a slight
+acknowledgment of their services.
+
+
+CEREMONIALS WHEN THERE ARE NO USHERS OR BRIDEMAIDS.
+
+When there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the
+church are as follows: The members of the bride's family proceed to the
+church before the bride, who follows with her mother. The bridegroom
+awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother. They
+walk up the aisle to the altar, the mother falling back to her position
+on the left. The father, or relative representing him, conducts the
+bride to the bridegroom, who stands at the altar with his face turned
+toward her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the left. The
+relatives follow, taking their places standing; those of the bride to
+the left, those of the groom to the right. After kneeling at the altar
+for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the bridegroom, takes
+the glove off from her left hand, while he takes the glove off from his
+right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her
+away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler form
+than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the
+clergyman. Perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties
+during the ceremony.
+
+The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's right arm, and they
+pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It is
+considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles
+while in the church.
+
+The bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage, the rest
+following in their carriages.
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO THE CEREMONY ONLY.
+
+When the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive, it has
+become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called
+to the wedding breakfast, to attend the ceremony at church. This stands
+in the place of issuing cards. No one must think of calling on the newly
+married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at
+church, or cards after their establishment in their new home.
+
+
+THE LATEST CEREMONIALS.
+
+The latest New York form for conducting the marriage ceremony is
+substantially as follows:
+
+When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in
+pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right. Behind them
+follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar he turns, faces the
+aisle, and watches intently for the coming of his bride. After a slight
+interval the bridemaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the
+left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely
+veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes
+forward a few steps to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the
+altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents of the
+bride, having followed her, stand just behind her and partly to the
+left. The services by the clergyman now proceed as usual.
+
+While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the
+bridemaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they
+afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her
+own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the
+reception room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his--the
+first bridemaid retaining the place of honor.
+
+
+THE USHERS' DUTIES.
+
+The ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts
+to parties, who arrive slowly from the church, conducting them to the
+bridal party, and there presenting them by name. This announcement
+becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought
+together for the first time. If ladies are present without gentlemen,
+the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room, or
+provide them with attendants.
+
+At the church the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the
+inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies, as they enter,
+to their proper seats in the church. If a lady be accompanied by a
+gentleman, the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown
+her. The ushers, knowing the two families, understand where to place the
+nearer, and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party,
+the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance, and
+the bride's upon the left. The distribution of guests places the father
+(or guardian) of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony.
+
+
+ANOTHER FORM OF CHURCH CEREMONIALS.
+
+The ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be
+varied to suit the taste. Precedents for the style already described are
+found among the highest social circles in New York and other large
+cities, but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their
+grandmothers, which is almost strictly an American fashion. In this
+style, the bridemaids, each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman, first
+pass up the aisle to the altar, the ladies going to their left, and the
+gentlemen to their right. The groom follows with the bride's mother, or
+some one to represent her, leaning on his arm, whom he seats in a front
+pew at the left. The bride follows, clinging to the arm of her father
+(or near relative), who leads her to the groom. The father waits at her
+left and a step or two back of her, until asked to give her away, which
+he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the
+clergyman. After this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew,
+and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church.
+
+In case there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs,
+just in advance of the groom, and parting at the altar, half of them
+stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is
+congratulating the bride, they pass out in pairs, a little in advance of
+the wedded couple.
+
+
+WEDDINGS AT HOME.
+
+Weddings at home vary but little from those at church. The music, the
+assembling of friends, the _entree_ of the bridal party to the position
+selected, are the same. An altar of flowers, and a place of kneeling can
+be easily arranged at home. The space behind the altar need be no wider
+than is allowed for the clergyman to stand. The altar is generally only
+a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or
+blossoms. Other floral accessories, such as the marriage-bell,
+horseshoe, or white dove, etc., can be arranged with ease by a skillful
+florist, if desired.
+
+When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places
+and face their friends, who proceed to congratulate them. If space be
+required, the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed, a little
+later, without observation.
+
+
+THE EVENING WEDDING.
+
+If the wedding occur in the evening, the only difference in the
+ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen
+wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for
+their journey before the dancing party disperses, and thus leave
+unobserved. At the morning wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives
+remain to witness the departure of the pair.
+
+
+"AT HOME" RECEPTIONS.
+
+When the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own, it
+is customary to issue "at home" cards for a few evenings, at an early
+date after the wedding, for informal receptions. Only such persons are
+invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends, or perhaps only
+those whom they can afford to retain. This is a suitable opportunity to
+carefully re-arrange one's social list, and their list of old
+acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of
+housekeeping. This custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a
+social necessity, and nobody is offended.
+
+
+CALLS.
+
+All guests and friends who receive "at home" invitations, or who are
+invited to the church, are required by etiquette to call upon the family
+of the bride, or to leave their cards, within ten days after the
+wedding.
+
+
+THE WEDDING RING.
+
+All churches at present use the ring, and vary the sentiment of its
+adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites. A jeweled
+ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at
+present a plain gold circlet, with the date of the engagement inscribed
+within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the
+altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring
+is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church, or
+as soon after the service as is convenient. It stands guard over its
+precious fellow, and is a confirmation of the first promise.
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE CEREMONIALS OF A WIDOW.
+
+The marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in
+not wearing the veil and orange blossoms. She may be costumed in white
+and have her maids at the altar if she pleases. This liberty, however,
+has only been given her within a few years. On her wedding cards of
+invitation, her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name; which
+is done in respect to her parents. Having dropped the initials of her
+dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning, she uses her
+Christian name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she
+becomes again a wife, she may prefix the last name of her children to
+her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in
+common with herself. This respect is really due them, and etiquette
+permits it, although our social usages do not command its adoption. The
+formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated
+in the same manner as those of a younger bride. No fixed forms can be
+arranged for entertainments, which must be controlled by circumstances.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script. Neither Old
+English nor German text are admissible in invitations. The following is
+given as the latest form for invitations:
+
+ [Illustration:
+              Mr. & Mrs. Theodore Grosser
+          _request your presence at the marriage
+                   of their daughter_,
+                 =Miss Felicia Grosser=
+                          _to_
+                =Mr. Julius C. Forsyth=,
+            _on Wednesday, September 5th, at_
+                     _12 o'clock._
+                 _St. Luke's Church,_
+                     _Cass Avenue._]
+
+This invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns and
+cities receiving it, inclose their cards, and send by mail. Residents
+call on the family within the prescribed time, or as soon after as
+possible.
+
+The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same
+envelope, generally conveyed on a square card, the same size as the
+sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it
+has been once folded across the middle. The following is one of the
+adopted forms:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                 _At Home,_
+          _Wednesday, September 5th,_
+           _from 12 until 3 o'clock._
+              _20 Main Avenue._]
+
+The separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary.
+
+The card of admission to the church is narrower, and is plainly engraved
+in large script, as follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+            _St. Luke's Church,_
+          _Ceremony at 12 o'clock._]
+
+Generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the
+reception.
+
+
+DUTIES OF THOSE INVITED.
+
+People who receive "At Home" wedding invitations, are expected to
+acknowledge them as soon as received, and never fail to accept, unless
+for some very good reason. Guests invited to the house, or to a marriage
+feast following the ceremony, should not feel at liberty to decline from
+any whim or caprice.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS OF THE BRIDEMAIDS AND USHERS.
+
+Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some
+unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating, thus showing
+their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to
+this honored position. If by reason of sudden affliction, some one of
+the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending, a substitute
+should, if possible, be provided immediately. The reasons for this,
+however, should be well understood, that no opportunity may be given for
+uncharitable comments.
+
+
+BRIDAL PRESENTS.
+
+When bridal presents are given, they are sent to the bride previous to
+the day of the marriage ceremony. As the universal bridal present has
+fallen into disuse, this custom is not now considered obligatory, and if
+immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents, it should be
+spontaneous, and in no sense considered obligatory. These presents are
+not put on exhibition as formerly, but are acknowledged by the bride in
+a private note to the donor. It is not now considered in good form to
+talk about these contributions.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE CEREMONIES.
+
+In weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided, who is
+expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened. He
+arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door
+to the pavement, and if the weather be inclement, he sees that an
+awning is also spread. He also sees that a white ribbon is stretched
+across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to
+afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews
+of the main aisle. Sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle,
+so as to divide those who come in wedding garments, from those who do
+not. The organist should be early at his post, and is expected to play
+during the arrival of guests. The order of the religious part of the
+marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs.
+
+
+THE WEDDING FEES.
+
+There is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony. It is
+regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom, but
+no less amount than five dollars should be given under any
+circumstances.
+
+
+THE CONGRATULATIONS.
+
+At wedding receptions, friends who congratulate the newly married couple
+should address the bride first, if they have any previous acquaintance
+with her, then the bridegroom, then the bridemaids, and after that the
+parents and family of the bride and groom. They should give their good
+wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom. If they are
+acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride, let them address
+him first and he will introduce them to his bride.
+
+
+THE BRIDAL TOUR.
+
+The honeymoon of repose, exempt from all claims of society, is now
+prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion, and the same
+arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour. It is no longer
+_de rigueur_ to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling,
+when a newly married couple depart upon a tour.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+Home Life and Etiquette.
+
+
+Home is the woman's kingdom, and there she reigns supreme. To embellish
+that home, to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones
+committed to her trust, is the honored task which it is the wife's
+province to perform. All praise be to her who so rules and governs in
+that kingdom, that those reared beneath her roof "shall rise up and call
+her blessed."
+
+
+A HOME.
+
+After marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home.
+This can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel, and not
+always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife. It will
+oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate
+association of relatives or friends, acquaintances or strangers, and
+here husband and wife may begin in reality, that new life of which they
+have had fond dreams; and upon their own actions must depend their
+future welfare.
+
+
+HOME COMPANIONSHIP.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+Husband and wife should remember, when starting out upon their newly
+wedded life, that they are to be life companions, that the affection
+they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long
+devotion to one another's welfare and happiness, that the closest
+friendship must be begotten from their early love, and that each must
+live and work for the other. They must seek to be congenial companions
+to each other, so that every hour they pass together will be mutually
+enjoyable. They should aim to have the same tastes so that what one
+enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other, and what is distasteful to
+one shall be no less so to the other. Each should yield in matters where
+it is right to yield, and be firm only where duty is concerned. With a
+firm trust in one another they should ever abide, that each may say to
+the world, "I possess one on whose character and heart I can lean as
+upon a rock."
+
+
+CONDUCT OF HUSBAND AND WIFE.
+
+Let neither ever deceive the other, or do anything to shake the other's
+confidence, for once deceived, the heart can never wholly trust again.
+Fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism, and then
+with loving words and pleasant looks. Make allowances for one another's
+weaknesses, and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them. For
+the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and
+give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness, and in doing so
+they will prepare themselves for the work God gives the parents of
+training lives for usefulness here and hereafter. Their motto should be
+"faithful unto death in all things," and they must exercise forbearance
+with each other's peculiarities.
+
+Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may
+utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers,
+that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one
+another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if
+either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that
+no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.
+
+If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life,
+they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated,
+then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better
+or for worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for
+having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long
+companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience,
+however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses
+which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as
+plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as
+the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."
+
+
+DUTIES OF THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.
+
+The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves
+the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband
+feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand
+she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best
+calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love,
+plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of
+fortune can change or diminish it.
+
+She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits
+of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and
+strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover
+and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and
+tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she
+appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as
+kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should
+bear in mind that to retain the good opinion of her husband is worth
+far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of
+society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her
+husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.
+
+She should be careful not to confide to another any small
+misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should
+any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony
+that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such
+misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives
+from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations
+will be speedily resumed.
+
+
+THE WIFE A HELPMATE.
+
+A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters,
+keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding
+against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at
+work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be
+economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that
+he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more
+heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the
+luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife
+possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can
+counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult
+the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to
+high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and temporal comfort; be ever
+ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts
+from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and
+happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very
+great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all
+things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if,
+perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent
+temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own
+part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself
+as to calm his perturbed spirits.
+
+
+A HUSBAND'S DUTIES.
+
+It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make
+married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts
+by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to
+be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new
+home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole
+current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his
+wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself,
+even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his
+affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship,
+such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments
+should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their
+intellectual, moral and social advancement.
+
+The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude the attentions
+due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of
+the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving
+her husband important advice about various details of his business, and
+if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to
+govern her expenditures accordingly.
+
+It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to
+instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their
+discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In
+household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never
+interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his
+duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social
+gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both
+mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social
+gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening
+entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to
+attend, neither is it fit for him.
+
+While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her
+faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all
+places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and
+give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any
+disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time,
+and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of
+having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any
+disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing
+them. He should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the
+welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the
+happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and
+charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.
+
+The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect
+gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above
+all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so
+endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the
+many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife
+cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are
+nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and
+wife, parents and children.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+Home Training.
+
+
+Our earliest and best recollections are associated with home. There the
+first lessons of infancy are learned. The mother's heart is the child's
+first school-room. The parents' examples are first imitated by the
+child, whose earliest impressions are gained from them. In no way are
+evil habits more effectually propagated than by example, and therefore
+parents should be what they wish their children to be.
+
+
+THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.
+
+To the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her
+children those seeds of love, which, nurtured and fostered, will bear
+the fruit of earnest and useful lives. It is she who must fit them to
+meet the duties and emergencies of life, and in this work of training
+she keeps her heart fresh and young, and thereby insures the growth of
+those powers with which nature has endowed her.
+
+As the faculties of man, woman or child are brought into active
+exercise, so do they become strengthened, and the mother, in doing her
+work in the training of her children, grows in wisdom, in knowledge and
+in power, thus enabling her the better to perform her duties.
+
+
+PARENTS SHOULD SET GOOD EXAMPLES.
+
+As children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of
+their parents, the latter should be circumspect in all their actions,
+manners and modes of speech. If you wish your children's faces illumined
+with good humor, contentment and satisfaction, so that they will be
+cheerful, joyous and happy, day by day, then must your own countenance
+appear illumined by the sunshine of love. Kind words, kind deeds and
+loving looks are true works of charity, and they are needed in our home
+circle.
+
+          Never a tear bedims the eye,
+            That time and patience can not dry;
+          Never a lip is curved with pain,
+            That can not be kissed into smiles again.
+
+Your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal
+lightly with the reputation of another--if they hear you slander or
+revile your neighbor. If you wish your child to show charity toward the
+erring, you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue
+yourself. Without this your teaching will be of but little avail. If you
+take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others, if you refuse to
+cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity, your example
+will nullify your teaching, and your admonitions will be lost.
+
+
+COURTESIES IN THE HOME CIRCLE.
+
+Mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies
+of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and
+strangers. This is the only way in which you can secure to them the
+daily enjoyment of a happy home. When the external forms of courtesy are
+disregarded in the family circle, we are sure to find contention and
+bickering perpetually recurring. Rudeness is a constant source of
+bickering. Each will have his own way of being rude, and each will be
+angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest, thus
+provoking accusations and retorts. Where the rule of life is to do good
+and to make others happy, there will be found the art of securing a
+happy home. It is said that there is something higher in politeness than
+Christian moralists have recognized. In its best forms, none but the
+truly religious man can show it, for it is the sacrifice of self in the
+habitual matters of life--always the best test of our principles--together
+with a respect for man as our brother, under the same great destiny.
+
+
+EARLY MORAL TRAINING.
+
+The true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in
+giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to
+meet the duties and the struggles of life, and not by the variety of
+knowledge acquired. The development of the powers of the mind and its
+cultivation are the work of a teacher; moral training is the work of
+the mother, and commences long before one word of precept can be
+understood. Children should be early taught to regard the rights of
+others, that they may early learn the rights which property confers and
+not entertain confused ideas upon this subject.
+
+
+FORMATION OF HABITS.
+
+Virtue is the child of good habits, and the formation of habits may be
+said to almost constitute the whole work of education. The mother can
+create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain
+that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions, and
+power to fight temptation, and which makes obedience to principle
+comparatively easy, under most circumstances. The social and domestic
+life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature. It is
+not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or
+society consists, but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for
+the rights and feelings of those around us. Whatever may be the precepts
+for a home, the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits.
+Parents who indulge in gossip, scandal, slander and tale-telling, will
+rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits. A
+parent's example outlines the child's character. It sinks down deep into
+his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil. A parent
+should carefully avoid speaking evil of others, and should never exhibit
+faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover. A parent's example
+should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking, of tattling
+and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others. Let the
+mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she
+will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire
+the habit of bridling the tongue, but they will learn to avoid the
+presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper.
+
+
+POLITENESS AT HOME.
+
+Genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love, and those who
+are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when
+abroad. When parents receive any little attention from their children,
+they should thank them for it. They should ask a favor only in a
+courteous way; never reply to questions in monosyllables, or indulge in
+the rudeness of paying no attention to a question, for such an example
+will be surely followed by the children. Parents sometimes thoughtlessly
+allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle,
+which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society.
+
+
+HOW TO REPROVE.
+
+Parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children,
+nor humiliate them before others. This will not only cause suffering to
+little sensitive hearts, but will tend to harden them. Reproof, if
+needed, should be administered to each child singly and alone.
+
+
+CHEERFULNESS AT THE TABLE.
+
+Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the
+table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and
+invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with
+it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the
+table, nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious
+difference. Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct,
+interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps
+should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table,
+nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and
+gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and
+agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the
+table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything,
+and no unkind word should be spoken. If remarks are to be made of absent
+ones, they should be of a kind and charitable nature. Thus will the
+family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when
+the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps,
+have been laid in their final resting-place.
+
+
+TRAIN CHILDREN FOR SOME OCCUPATION.
+
+Chancellor Kent says: "Without some preparation made in youth for the
+sequel of life, children of all conditions would probably become idle
+and vicious when they grow up, from want of good instruction and habits,
+and the means of subsistence, or from want of rational and useful
+occupations. A parent who sends his son into the world without educating
+him in some art, science, profession or business, does great injury to
+mankind, as well as to his son and his own family, for he defrauds the
+community of a useful citizen, and bequeaths to it a nuisance. That
+parent who trains his child for some special occupation, who inspires
+him with a feeling of genuine self-respect, has contributed a useful
+citizen to society."
+
+
+BAD TEMPER.
+
+Dread an insubordinate temper, and deal with it as one of the greatest
+evils. Let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion
+for the rest of the family when he is in anger. Allow no one to speak to
+him at such times, not even to answer a question. Take from him books,
+and whatever he may have, and place him where he shall feel that the
+indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment, and he
+will soon learn to control himself.
+
+
+SELFISHNESS.
+
+Selfishness that binds the miser in his chains, that chills the heart,
+must never be allowed a place in the family circle. Teach the child to
+share his gifts and pleasures with others, to be obliging, kind and
+benevolent, and the influence of such instruction may come back into
+your own bosom, to bless your latest hours.
+
+
+HOME MAXIMS FOR TRAINING CHILDREN.
+
+Remember that children are men and women in miniature, and though they
+should be allowed to act as children, still our dealings with them
+should be manly and not morose. Remember also that every word, tone and
+gesture, nay, even your dress, makes an impression.
+
+Never correct a child on suspicion, or without understanding the whole
+matter, nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline.
+
+Be always mild and cheerful in their presence, communicative, but never
+extravagant, trifling or vulgar in language or gesture. Never trifle
+with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong.
+
+Always follow commands with a close and careful watch, until the thing
+is done, allowing no evasion and no modification, unless the child ask
+for it, and it be expressly granted.
+
+Never reprove children severely in company, nor hold them up to
+ridicule, nor make light of their failings.
+
+Never speak in an impatient, pitiful manner, if you have occasion to
+find fault.
+
+Never say to a child, "I don't believe what you say," nor even imply
+your doubts. If you have such feelings, keep them to yourself and wait;
+the truth will eventually be made plain.
+
+Never disappoint the confidence a child places in you, whether it be a
+thing placed in your care or a promise.
+
+Always give prompt attention to a child when he speaks, so as to
+prevent repeated calls, and that he may learn to give prompt attention
+when you call him.
+
+Never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger, or talk
+to him of God, as it will not have the desired effect. Do it under more
+favorable circumstances.
+
+At the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming
+manner, not to tease when denied, nor to leave his chair without asking.
+A parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should
+be made.
+
+Even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence.
+
+There should never be two sets of manners, the one for home and the
+other for company, but a gentle behavior should be always required.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration:     MUSIC.
+          "A protection against vice,
+           An incentive to virtue."]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+Home Culture.
+
+
+The work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to
+every one, for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes, as well
+as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven. The
+sufferings endured here, friend for friend, parents for children,
+unrequited sacrifices, cares and tears, all tend to discipline us, and
+prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings.
+
+
+CULTIVATE MORAL COURAGE.
+
+Moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that
+you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and
+true, without being influenced by the views of others; thus showing them
+that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty. Perhaps this
+may be difficult to do, but every mother can at least show her
+appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others, and
+in this way incite its growth in the souls of her children. Moral
+courage is a rare endowment, and those who possess it are able to act
+with perfect independence of the opinions of others, and govern
+themselves only by the laws of propriety, uprightness and charity.
+
+
+THE PERNICIOUS INFLUENCE OF INDOLENCE.
+
+If you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of
+indolence and all its corrupting tendencies, you must be earnest in
+purpose, active, energetic and fervent in spirit. Earnestness sharpens
+the faculties; indolence corrodes and dulls them. By the former we rise
+higher and higher, by the latter we sink lower and lower. Indolence
+begets discontent, envy and jealousy, while labor elevates the mind and
+character. Cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep
+their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage,
+and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness, if you would secure
+their future well-being.
+
+It has been said that he who performs no useful act in society, who
+makes no human being happier, is leading a life of utter selfishness--a
+life of sin--for a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is
+nowhere room for idleness. Work is both a duty and a necessity of our
+nature, and a befitting reward will ever follow it. To foster and
+encourage labor in some useful form, is a duty which parents should urge
+upon their children, if they should seek their best good.
+
+
+SELF-RESPECT.
+
+It is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from
+the many pit-falls which surround them, such as malice, envy, conceit,
+avariciousness, and other evils, by being clad in the armor of
+self-respect; and then they will be able to encounter temptation and
+corruption, unstained and unpolluted. This feeling of self-respect is
+something stronger than self-reliance, higher than pride. It is an
+energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good, watching
+with a never-ceasing vigilance. It is the sense of duty and the sense of
+honor combined. It is an armor, which, though powerless to shield from
+sorrows that purify and invigorate, yet will avert all hostile
+influences that assail, from whatever source they come. The mother
+having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they
+carry with them such an angel to shield, warn and rescue them, may let
+them go out into the world, and fear nothing from the wiles and
+temptations which may beset them.
+
+
+RESULTS OF GOOD-BREEDING IN THE HOME CIRCLE.
+
+The laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than
+in the home circle. Here, tempered with love, and nurtured by all kindly
+impulses, they bear the choicest fruit. A true lady will show as much
+courtesy, and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward
+every member of her family as toward her most distinguished guest. A
+true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his
+intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example.
+Children influenced by such examples at home, will never fail to show to
+their elders the respect due them, to their young companions the same
+consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in
+return, nor to servants that patience which even the best too often
+require. In such a home peace and good will are the household gods.
+
+
+FAULT-FINDING AND GRUMBLING.
+
+The oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run
+smoothly. The habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some,
+is an exceedingly vexatious one, and will, in time, ruffle the calmest
+spirit and the sweetest temper. It is the little annoyances,
+perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden; the
+little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that
+perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore. Constant fault-finding,
+persistent misrepresentations of motives, suspicions of evil where no
+evil was intended, will complete the work in all but the finest and most
+heroic natures. They alone can stand the fiery test, coming out purer
+and stronger for the ordeal. Children who habitually obey the
+commandment, "Be kind to one another," will find in mature life, how
+strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the
+household together.
+
+
+FAMILY JARS NOT TO BE MADE PUBLIC.
+
+Whatever may be the family disagreements, they should never be made
+known outside of the home circle, if it can be avoided. Those who expose
+the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the
+world, and no provocation can be a good excuse for it. It is exceedingly
+vulgar, not to say unchristianlike, for the members of the same family
+to be at enmity with one another.
+
+
+YIELDING TO ONE ANOTHER.
+
+One of the greatest disciplines of human life, is that which teaches us
+to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so, even in
+trifling, every-day affairs; the wife to the husband, children to
+parents, to teachers and to one another. In cases where principle is
+concerned, it is, of course, necessary to be firm, which requires an
+exercise of moral courage.
+
+
+CONFLICTING INTERESTS.
+
+Conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties. The
+command of Christ to the two brothers who came to Him with their
+disputes, "Beware of covetousness," is as applicable among members of
+the same family now, as it was when those words were spoken. It is
+better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is
+near and dear to you, and connected by family ties. In business
+relations men are apt to be very exact, because of their habits of
+business, and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and
+relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives. Upon this rock many a
+bark of family love has been wrecked.
+
+
+RELIGIOUS EDUCATION.
+
+It is well to remember that every blessing of our lives, every joy of
+our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway, have had their
+origin in religion, and may be traced in all their hallowed, healthful
+influences to the Bible. With the dawn of childhood, then, in the
+earliest days of intelligence, should the mind be impressed and stored
+with religious truth, and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface
+it. It should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when
+it began to learn; it will then have the character of innate, inbred
+principles, incorporated with their very being.
+
+
+OBEDIENCE.
+
+If you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual,
+teach your children to obey. Government in a family is the great
+safeguard of religion and morals, the support of order and the source of
+prosperity. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a
+family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, and there
+is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child.
+
+
+INFLUENCE OF EXAMPLE.
+
+Never forget that the first book children read is their parents'
+example--their daily deportment. If this is forgotten you may find, in
+the loss of your domestic peace, that while your children well know the
+right path, they follow the wrong.
+
+Childhood is like a mirror, catching and reflecting images all around
+it. Remember that an impious, profane or vulgar thought may operate upon
+the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished
+steel, staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface.
+
+Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity, which may
+never return. It is the seed time, and your harvest depends upon the
+seed then sown.
+
+
+THE INFLUENCE OF BOOKS.
+
+Few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of
+books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children, and
+no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the
+important work of choosing the proper books for them to read, while they
+are under her care. She should select for them such as will both
+interest and instruct, and this should be done during the early years,
+before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad
+books and sensational novels. The poison imbibed from bad books works so
+secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the
+influence of bad associates. The mother has it in her power to make
+such books the companions and friends of her children as her good
+judgment may select, and to impress upon them their truths, by
+conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual
+instructions they contain. A taste may be easily cultivated for books on
+natural science and for history, as well as for those that teach
+important and wholesome lessons for the young, such as are contained in
+the works of Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many other
+books written for the young.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+Woman's Higher Education.
+
+
+It has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children, woman
+has a great work to perform; that in this work she exerts an
+incalculable influence upon untold numbers, and that she molds the minds
+and characters of her sons and daughters. How important, then, that she
+should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent, if for no
+other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this
+great duty of educating her children. How important it is, also, that
+she should look to the higher education of her daughters, who, in turn,
+will become mothers of future generations, or may, perhaps, by some
+vicissitude of fortune, become dependent upon their own resources for
+support. With the highest culture of the mental faculties, woman will be
+best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake.
+
+
+TRAIN YOUNG WOMEN TO SOME OCCUPATION.
+
+Owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded
+many women from their homes into business and public life, women must
+train for their branch of labor as men train for their work, if they
+wish to attain any degree of success. Even where women have independent
+fortunes, their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained
+to some occupation, that, in case of reverses, may be made a
+self-sustaining one. A young woman who is able to support herself,
+increases her chances for a happy marriage, for, not being obliged to
+rely upon a husband for support or for a home, she is able to judge
+calmly of an offer when it comes, and is free to accept or decline,
+because of her independence. Women are capable of and adapted to a large
+number of employments, which have hitherto been kept from them, and some
+of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex. In
+order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open
+to herself, she needs a special education and training to fit her for
+such employment.
+
+
+EDUCATION OF GIRLS TOO SUPERFICIAL.
+
+The school instruction of our girls is too superficial. There is a
+smattering of too many branches, where two or three systematically
+studied and thoroughly mastered, would accomplish much more for them in
+the way of a sound mental training, which is the real object of
+education. The present method of educating young girls is to give them
+from five to ten studies, in which they prepare lessons, and this, too,
+at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by
+excess of mental labor. Such a course of instruction, bestowing only a
+smattering of many branches, wastes the powers of the mind, and deters,
+rather than aids, self-improvement. It is only a concentration of the
+mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens
+the reflective, and forms the reasoning, faculties, and thus helps to
+lay a solid foundation for future usefulness. The word education means
+to educe, to draw out the powers of the mind; not the cramming into it
+of facts, dates and whole pages to be repeated _verbatim_.
+
+
+AN EDUCATION APPROPRIATE TO EACH SEX.
+
+The fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education
+appropriate to each sex; that identical education for the two sexes is
+so unnatural, that physiology protests against it and experience weeps
+over it. The physiological motto in education is, "Educate a man for
+manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer,
+in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls, says:
+"It is an astonishing fact that, though on the treatment of offspring
+depend their lives or deaths, and their moral welfare or ruin, yet not
+one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those
+who will, by and by, be parents." It will thus be seen, that as women
+have the care, the training and the education of children, they need an
+education in a special direction, and should have a very thorough one,
+to prepare them for the task.
+
+
+WOMEN SHOULD HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAWS OF HEALTH.
+
+Physiology is one of the branches of that higher education, which should
+be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various
+duties of their allotted stations. Yet it is also desirable that they
+should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake,
+and a mastery of the studies pursued by them; for the want of
+thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all
+branches of labor. But woman should especially have a thorough knowledge
+of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If she becomes a mother, such
+knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her
+children. She will understand that when she sends out her child
+insufficiently clad, and he comes home chilled through, that his
+vitality, his power of resisting disease, is wasted. She will know that
+by taking the necessary precautions, she may save the child's life; that
+she must not take him thus chilled, to the fire or into a room highly
+heated, but that by gentle exercise or friction, she must restore the
+circulation of the blood, and in using such precautions, she may ward
+off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were
+neglected. This is but a single case, for there are instances of almost
+daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward
+off disease, in her own case, as well as in those of various members of
+her household. The diseases which carry off children, are for the most
+part, such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them,
+pet them, educate them, and who would, in many cases, lay down their
+lives for them.
+
+
+RESULT OF IGNORANCE OF SANITARY LAWS.
+
+Ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms
+is the cause of a vast amount of disease. From ignorance of the signs of
+approaching disease, children are often punished for idleness,
+listlessness, sulkiness and wilfulness, and this punishment is too often
+by confinement in a closed room, and by an increase of tasks; when what
+is really needed is more oxygen, more open-air exercise, and less study.
+These forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and
+brain fevers. Knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the
+waste of health and strength in the young, and will also spare anxiety
+and misery to those who love and tend them. If the time devoted to the
+many trashy so-called "accomplishments" in a young lady's education,
+were given to a study of the laws of preserving health, how many
+precious lives might be spared to loving parents, and how many frail and
+delicate forms, resulting from inattention to physical training, might
+have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls. We are all in
+duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature, on which the welfare
+of our bodies depends, for the full enjoyment of our faculties can only
+be attained when the body is in perfect health.
+
+
+IDLENESS A SOURCE OF MISERY.
+
+Perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is
+idleness. The want of something to do is what makes people wicked and
+miserable. It breeds selfishness, mischief-making, envy, jealousy and
+vice, in all its most dreadful forms. It is the duty of mothers to see
+that their daughters are trained to habits of industry, that their minds
+are at all times occupied, that they are well informed as to household
+duties, and to the duties of married life, for upon a knowledge of
+household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery. It is
+frequently the case, that a girl's education ends just as her mind is
+beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop. Her
+education ends when it ought properly to begin. She enters upon marriage
+entirely unprepared, and, perchance, by some misfortune, she is thrown
+penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood, for
+her education has never fitted her for any vocation. Not having been
+properly taught herself, she is not able to teach, and she finds no
+avenue of employment open to her. An English clergyman, writing upon
+this subject, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them
+take up some congenial study, let it be a branch of science or history.
+Let them write. They can do almost anything they try to do, but let
+their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters'
+lives one growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip, whether it be
+work at the easel, music, literature, the structure of the human body
+and the laws of health, any solid interest that will occupy their
+thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, frivolity and ignorance can only be
+put down by education and employment. In the last resort, the spirit of
+evil becomes teacher and task-master."
+
+
+WOMEN SHOULD CULTIVATE A SPIRIT OF INDEPENDENCE.
+
+In this country more than any other, women should, to some extent,
+cultivate a spirit of independence. They should acquire a knowledge of
+how business is transacted, of the relation between capital and labor,
+and of the value of labor, skilled and unskilled. As housekeepers, they
+would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes. If they chance to
+be left alone, widows, or orphans possessing means, they would be saved
+from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact
+their own business. And those women who are obliged to take care of
+themselves, who have no means, how necessary is it that they should have
+a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can
+maintain themselves and others dependent upon them. In this country, the
+daughter brought up in affluence, may, by some rapid change of fortune,
+be obliged, upon arriving at maturity, to be among the applicants for
+whatever employment she may be fitted. If she has been trained to some
+useful occupation, or if her faculties have been developed by a
+thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken, she will be
+better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be
+open to her. With a mind drilled by constant study she will the more
+quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or
+business to which she may devote herself.
+
+
+HEALTH AND LIFE DEPENDENT UPON A HIGHER CULTURE.
+
+Not only wealth and comfort, but health and life are dependent upon a
+higher form of culture, a more thorough course of education than is now
+the standard. Not more, but fewer branches of study and a more thorough
+comprehension of those pursued. Not only are the health and life of each
+woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives,
+but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it. In
+proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject
+will she be able to work at it easily, rapidly and successfully.
+Knowledge of physical laws saves health and life, knowledge of the laws
+of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain, knowledge of the laws of
+political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying.
+
+
+CULTIVATION OF THE MORAL SENSE.
+
+A well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well
+regulated character, which will preserve from excess those tenderer
+emotions and deeper passions of woman, which are potent in her for evil
+or for good, in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to run
+wild, or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious
+self-restraint.
+
+The girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect, her tastes,
+her emotions and her moral sense, as to be able to discern the true from
+the false, will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work
+in life is allotted to her; while she who is allowed to grow up
+ignorant, idle, vain, frivolous, will find herself fitted for no state
+of existence, and, in after years, with feelings of remorse and despair
+over a wasted life, may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was
+reposed her early education.
+
+It is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of
+their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which
+they live, for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern, and
+govern immortal souls, and for the sake of those other homes in the
+humbler walks of life, where they owe duties as ministering spirits as
+well as in their own, for in proportion as they minister to the comfort
+and health of others, so do they exalt their own souls. Women should
+seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves, and
+that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called
+upon to perform. In social life we find that the truest wives, the most
+patient and careful mothers, the most exemplary housekeepers, the model
+sisters, the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social
+influence are women of cultivated minds.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+The Art of Letter Writing.
+
+
+A French writer says, that the writing a note or letter, the wording of
+a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the
+manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray
+to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding.
+
+A person who has self-respect as well as respect for others, should
+never carelessly write a letter or note.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS FOR CORRECT WRITING.
+
+The letter or note should be free from all flourishes. The rules of
+punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible, and no capital
+letters used where they are not required. Ink-blots, erasures, and
+stains on the paper are inadmissible. Any abbreviations of name, rank or
+title are considered rude, beyond those sanctioned by custom. No
+abbreviations of words should be indulged in, nor underlining of words
+intended to be made emphatic. All amounts of money or other numbers
+should be written, reserving the use of numerical figures for dates
+only. It is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the
+top of the sheet, especially for all business letters. For letters of
+friendship and notes, pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste
+than tinted or colored, and the paper should be of a superior quality.
+When a page is once written from left to right side, it should not be
+written over again from top to bottom.
+
+
+ANONYMOUS LETTERS.
+
+No attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters. The writers of
+such stamp themselves as cowardly, and cowards do not hesitate to say or
+write what is not true when it suits their purpose. All statements made
+in such letters should be regarded as false, and the writers as actuated
+by some bad motives. Anonymous letters should be burned at once, for
+they are not to be noticed.
+
+
+LETTERS AND NOTES.
+
+The writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes
+of invitation, and such notes are never signed.
+
+When a letter is upon business, commencing "Sir" or "Dear Sir," the name
+of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the
+close of the letter, in the left hand corner. In letters commencing with
+the name of the person to whom you are writing, as, "My Dear Mrs.
+Brown," the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner.
+
+No notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page, but
+nearer the top than the middle of the sheet.
+
+
+MANNER OF ADDRESS.
+
+In addressing a clergyman, it is customary to commence "Reverend Sir,"
+or "Dear Sir." It is not now customary to write "B.A." or "M.A." after
+his name.
+
+Doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished: "To the Rev.
+John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor
+Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."
+
+The President of the United States and Governors of States, are
+addressed "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress and men
+distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable
+nature, are addressed as "Honorable."
+
+The superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as
+legibly as possible, beginning a little to the left of the center of the
+envelope. The number of the house and name of the street may be written
+immediately under this line, or in the lower left hand corner, as the
+writer sees fit. The postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper
+right hand corner of the envelope. The following forms will show the
+appearance of a properly addressed envelope:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                 _Thos. Y. Stevens, Esq._
+                                               _Chicago,_
+          _796 Ashland Ave._                          _Ills._]
+
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                   Stamp
+
+          _Mr. Thos. Y. Stevens,_
+                _796 Ashland Avenue,_
+                              _Chicago,_
+                                     _Ills._]
+
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                                       Stamp
+
+                              _Wm. B. Houston Esq.,_
+                                             _Wooster,_
+          _Wayne County._                            _Ohio._]
+
+In sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the
+manner in which the envelope should be addressed:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                                       Stamp
+
+                               _Mrs. S.M. Thomas,_
+              _Care of_                      _St. Louis,_
+          _H.H. Johnson_                               _Mo._]
+
+In sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance, and not through the
+mail, acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope. The
+letter should not be sealed. The following is the proper form:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                    _Mrs. Julia C. Wheeler,_
+                                 _734 Simson Street,_
+          _Kindness (or Politeness) of_           _Dayton,_
+          _James Steinfield._                          _Ohio._]
+
+A note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place, by a
+messenger, may be addressed as follows, or bear the full address:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Miss Mary Wyman,_
+                    _Presented._]
+
+
+FORM OF A LETTER.
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                     _Denver, May 13, 1881._
+
+          _My Esteemed Friend:_
+
+         _I received your very good letter, and hasten to
+         reply. I am overjoyed at the prospects of a speedy
+         return to the ancient, but delightful "City of the
+         Straits," and anticipate spending a pleasant summer
+         with you and my many friends. We are making
+         preparations to leave June 5th._
+
+                       _Your old friend,_
+                                       _Joe J. Wilson_
+
+          _Geo. W. Smyth,_
+          _Detroit, Mich._]
+
+
+DEGREES OF FORMALITY OBSERVED.
+
+In commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of
+opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed, but generally this
+scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship.
+"Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My
+Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown"
+or "My Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Friend." In closing a note, the degrees
+are implied as follows: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly
+Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours,"
+"Affectionately Yours." The proper words should be carefully selected,
+as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person
+reading it. To aged persons the form, "With great respect, sincerely
+yours," recommends itself as a proper form. "Yours, etc.," is considered
+a rude ending. If you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to
+address her "My Dear Mrs. ----," do not sign "Yours Truly," or "Truly
+Yours," as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in
+business letters.
+
+
+SIGNATURE OF LADIES.
+
+A married lady should not sign herself with the "Mrs." before her
+baptismal name, or a single lady with the "Miss." In writing to
+strangers who do not know whether to address you as Mrs. or Miss, the
+address should be given in full, after signing your letter; as "Mrs.
+John Smith," followed by the direction; or if unmarried, the "Miss"
+should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature.
+
+Only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their
+baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are addressed with their
+husbands' names, as "Mrs. John Smith."
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+Letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded. Give in
+full the name of the person introduced, the city or town he is from,
+intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will
+confer, adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced, as
+circumstances seem to require. Modest persons sometimes shrink from
+delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be
+undeservedly complimentary. Letters of introduction are left unsealed,
+to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced. They should receive
+immediate attention by the parties who receive them. When a gentleman
+delivers such a letter to a lady, he is at liberty to call upon her,
+sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then, or
+appoint another hour that will be more convenient. The same rule is to
+be observed by those whose stay in the city is short. He may also send
+it to her with his card bearing his address.
+
+A letter of introduction should not be given, unless the person writing
+it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces, and the one
+to whom he writes. If the person who receives such a letter is really
+well-bred, you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours, for a
+letter of introduction is said to be like a draft, it must be cashed at
+sight. The one receiving it either invites you to dine, or to meet
+others, or to a drive, or to visit some place of amusement. Too great
+caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands
+upon an acquaintance.
+
+When the letter of introduction is left with a card, if there is a
+gentleman in the family, he may call upon the stranger the next day,
+unless some engagement prevents, when he should send his card with an
+invitation. If the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, she may
+write a note of invitation in answer, appointing a time for him to call.
+
+The following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration:
+                              _New York, Dec 20, 1880._
+
+         _Dear Sir:_
+
+         _I take great pleasure in introducing to you my
+         esteemed friend, Miss Ida A Thornton, a young lady
+         of culture and refinement, who will spend a few
+         months in your city. I am sure that an acquaintance
+         with her will be a pleasure to you, as it will also
+         be to Miss Thornton. Any favor you may show her
+         during her stay in your city, I will consider a
+         personal favor._
+
+                              _Yours Sincerely,_
+                                        _Mrs. J.Q.A. Jones._
+
+         _To Geo. Morris,_
+                    _Chicago._]
+
+The envelope containing a letter of introduction, should be addressed as
+follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Geo. Morris, Esq._
+                   _1671 Jackson Street,_
+                                     _Chicago,_
+          _Introducing_                       _Ill._
+               _Miss Ida A. Thornton._]
+
+
+NOTES OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE.
+
+Notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief, and the letter
+should only be sent by near and intimate friends. Do not allude to any
+subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations
+or sympathy. Such notes should be made expressive of real feeling, and
+not be mere matters of form.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A RECEPTION.
+
+For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style
+is like the following, and do not require an answer unless "R.S.V.P." is
+upon one corner.
+
+ [Illustration:
+              _Mrs. J.L. Ashton,_
+                   _At home,_
+            _Wednesday Evening, Jan. 6,_
+                      _No. 248 James St_
+          _8 to 11 P.M._]
+
+
+INVITATION TO A BALL.
+
+The "At Home" form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a
+ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, though many people use the
+"At Home" form only for receptions. For balls the hours are not limited
+as at receptions. When the above form is not used for a ball, the
+invitation may read as follows:
+
+          "Mrs. Blair requests the pleasure of Miss Milton's
+          company at a ball, on Tuesday, February 7, at 9
+          o'clock."
+
+Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the
+house, and require an answer, which should not be delayed. If the
+invitation is accepted, the answer should be as follows:
+
+          "Miss Milton accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blair's
+          kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7."
+
+If it is found impossible to attend, a note of regrets, something like
+the following, should be sent:
+
+          "Miss Milton regrets that intended absence from
+          home (or whatever may be the preventing cause)
+          prevents her accepting Mrs. Blair's kind
+          invitation for February 7."
+
+
+INVITATION TO A LARGE PARTY.
+
+The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the
+words "at a ball" are omitted, and the hour may be earlier. The notes of
+acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball. If the party is a
+small one, it should be indicated by inserting the words, "to a small
+evening party," so that there may be no misunderstanding. A large party
+calls for full evening dress, and it would be embarrassing for a lady or
+gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress, expecting to find a
+large party there in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and
+acquaintances plainly dressed. If there is any special feature which is
+to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the
+note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in
+dramatic readings," "amateur theatricals," will denote the character of
+the evening's entertainment. If you have programmes, enclose one in the
+invitation.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENT.
+
+An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert, lecture,
+theatre, opera or other amusement, may read as follows:
+
+          "Mr. Hayden would be pleased to have Miss Morton's
+          company to the Academy of Music, on Monday
+          evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be
+          played by Edwin Booth's Company."
+
+An invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or
+regrets. A previous engagement may be a reason for rejection.
+
+
+DINNER INVITATIONS.
+
+These are written in the name of the husband and wife, and demand an
+immediate reply. This form may be used:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of
+          Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner, on
+          Tuesday, the 13th of January, at 7 o'clock."
+
+A note of acceptance may read as follows:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen accept with pleasure
+          Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine
+          with them on Tuesday, the 13th inst., at 7
+          o'clock."
+
+A note of regret may read:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen regret exceedingly that
+          sickness in the family (or whatever the cause may
+          be) prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene
+          Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on
+          Tuesday, January 13th."
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO TEA.
+
+An invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake
+more of the nature of a private note; thus:
+
+          "Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming to drink
+          tea with me on Thursday, and I should be glad of
+          the pleasure of your company also. Please do not
+          disappoint me."
+
+An invitation of this informal nature needs no reply, unless "R.S.V.P."
+is appended, in which case the answer must be returned, if possible, by
+the messenger who brought it, or sent at once, as your friend may depend
+upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking, and if you
+cannot go, she will want to supply your place.
+
+
+LESS FORMAL INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades, private
+theatricals, and for archery, croquet, sailing and garden parties; but,
+however informal the invitation (except only when a visiting card is
+used) on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it, by
+sending an acceptance or a regret, for any want of courtesy in this
+respect is unpardonable.
+
+
+PROMPTNESS IN ANSWERING.
+
+All invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible
+after receiving them. The French have a saying, applicable to all notes
+of invitation, to the effect that it is as important to reply as
+promptly to a note requiring an answer, as it is to a question in
+speaking. All refined people who are accustomed to the best social
+forms, consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for
+a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply.
+
+In accepting dinner invitations, repeat the hour and day named in your
+letter of acceptance, in order that if any mistake has been made it may
+be corrected.
+
+Promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive, such as receiving
+presents of books, flowers, etc.
+
+
+EXPRESSIONS TO BE USED.
+
+The expression "presents compliments" has become obsolete in the writing
+of invitations. The expression "kind" or "very kind" invitation has
+taken the place of "polite," in notes of acceptance or regret. Be
+particular to distinguish between "go" and "come," you go to a friend's
+house and your friend comes to your house.
+
+
+TIME TO SEND INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature, can be
+sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take
+place. A notice of not less than one week is expected for such
+invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or
+large cards, with the envelopes to match, with no colors in the
+monogram, if one is used.
+
+
+INVITATIONS FOR SEVERAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY.
+
+It is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for
+several persons belonging to the same family, or to address an
+invitation "Mrs. Blank and family," as it indicates a scarcity of cards.
+One card or invitation may be sent to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and one each
+to the several members of the family who are to be invited.
+
+
+THE LEAST FORMAL INVITATIONS.
+
+The least formal, of formal invitations, is when a lady sends or leaves
+her own visiting card with the invitation upon it. An invitation of
+this kind need not be answered unless an "R.S.V.P." (_Respondez s'il
+vous plait_), is on the card. You go or not, as you please, but if you
+do not go, you call, or leave a card as soon after as is convenient.
+
+
+UNCIVIL ANSWERS.
+
+Uncivil and curt, not to say rude, answers are sometimes returned to
+invitations, more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers
+than of premeditated rudeness.
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot
+          accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday
+          evening,"
+
+is a rude form of regret.
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown decline Mrs. Moses
+          Smith's invitation for Friday evening,"
+
+is a still ruder form.
+
+A curt and thoughtless reply is:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown's compliments and regrets
+          for Friday evening."
+
+
+REASONS FOR REGRETS.
+
+"All regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations, should
+contain a reason for regretting," is a rule strictly observed in our
+best society, and is considered especially binding in answering a first
+invitation. If persons are in mourning, they regret that a recent
+bereavement prevents them from accepting. Those contemplating being
+absent from home, regret that contemplated absence from home prevents
+them from accepting. "A previous engagement" is made the excuse when
+there is an engagement either at home or away from it, and also when one
+has no inclination to accept; which makes it quite necessary for those
+who really regret their inability to accept, to mention what that
+engagement is.
+
+
+THE FAMILY LETTER.
+
+It seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member
+of a family to another. It is often the case that letters sent from home
+to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory, if not to a great
+extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned.
+Consequently some hint as to what those letters should be, are here
+given. They should be written as though the writer were talking, using
+familiar expressions, and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in
+ordinary speech should find a place in the letter. The writer may speak
+of many trivial things at and about home, and gossipy matters in the
+neighborhood, and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts
+and occurrences, as well as the more important ones. The writer may make
+inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself, whether he finds
+any place better than home, and ask such other questions as he may
+desire, concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various
+members of the family. The absent one may, in like manner, express
+himself freely on all subjects, describe his journey minutely, and speak
+of whatever he may feel deep interest in. In short, a family letter may
+be as gossipy as the writer can make it, without much regard to an
+attempt at showy or dignified composition.
+
+
+THE LETTER OF FRIENDSHIP.
+
+This should be of a more dignified tone, contain less trivialities than
+the family letter, and should embrace matters that will be of interest
+to both. A letter of friendship should be answered in due time,
+according to the intimacy of the parties, but should not be delayed long
+enough to allow the friendship to cool, if there is a desire to keep it
+warm.
+
+
+THE LOVE LETTER.
+
+Of this it may be only said, that while it may be expressive of sincere
+esteem and affection, it should be of a dignified tone, and written in
+such a style, that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than
+the party to whom it was written, there may be found in it nothing of
+which the writer may be ashamed, either of silliness or of extravagant
+expression.
+
+
+BUSINESS LETTERS.
+
+These should be brief and to the point, should be of plain chirography,
+and relate to the business in hand, in as few words and as clearly as
+possible. Begin at once without apology or explanation, and finish up
+the matter pertaining to the business. If an apology or explanation is
+due, it may be made briefly at the close of the letter, after the
+business has been attended to. A letter on business should be answered
+at once, or as soon as possible after receiving it.
+
+It is allowable, in some cases, upon receiving a brief business letter,
+to write the reply on the same page, beneath the original letter, and
+return both letter and answer together.
+
+Among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to
+business, applications for situations, testimonials regarding the
+character of a servant or employe, letters requesting the loan of money
+or an article, and letters granting or denying the favor; while all
+forms of drawing up notes, drafts and receipts may properly be included.
+The forms of some of these are here given.
+
+
+LETTERS REQUESTING EMPLOYMENT.
+
+A letter of this kind should be short, and written with care and
+neatness, that the writer may both show his penmanship and his
+business-like qualities, which are often judged of by the form of his
+letter. It may be after this fashion:
+
+
+                                           NEW YORK, March 1, 1880.
+
+          MESSRS. LORD & NOBLE,
+
+                            DEAR SIRS:
+
+         Having heard that you are in need of more
+         assistance in your establishment (or store, office)
+         I venture to ask you for employment. I can refer
+         you to Messrs. Jones & Smith, my late employers, as
+         to my qualifications, should you decide to consider
+         my application.
+
+                                         Yours truly,
+                                              JAMES ROBERTS.
+
+
+
+
+LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OF A SERVANT.
+
+          DEAR MADAM: Sarah Riley, having applied to me for
+          the position of cook, refers me to you for a
+          character. I feel particularly anxious to obtain a
+          good servant for the coming winter, and shall
+          therefore feel obliged by your making me
+          acquainted with any particulars referring to her
+          character, and remain, madam,
+
+                          Your very obedient servant,
+                                         MRS. GEORGE STONE.
+
+                TO MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+          MRS. GEORGE STONE,
+
+          DEAR MADAM: It gives me pleasure to say that Sarah
+          Riley lived with me for two years, and during that
+          time I found her active, diligent and efficient.
+          She is a superior cook, and I have full confidence
+          in her honesty. I feel that I can recommend her
+          with full confidence of her being likely to give
+          you satisfaction. I am, madam,
+
+                             Your very obedient servant,
+                                          MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+
+          MRS. GEORGE STONE,
+
+          DEAR MADAM: In replying to your note of inquiry, I
+          beg to inform you that Sarah Riley, who lived with
+          me in the capacity of cook, left my services
+          because I did not find her temper and habits in
+          all respects satisfactory. She was thoroughly
+          competent as a cook, but in other respects I
+          cannot conscientiously recommend her. I remain,
+
+                                       Yours, very truly,
+                                            MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+
+
+NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECEIPTS.
+
+The following are forms of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:
+
+
+_Promissory Note Without Interest._
+
+
+          $500.                    CINCINNATI, O., June 6, 1880.
+
+          Sixty days after date, I promise to pay Samuel
+          Archover, or order, at my office in Cincinnati,
+          five hundred dollars, value received.
+
+                                     TIMOTHY MORTGRAVE.
+
+
+
+
+_Promissory Note With Interest but not Negotiable._
+
+
+          $125.30.                    CHICAGO, Sept. 2, 1880.
+
+          For value received, I promise to pay Daniel
+          Cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and
+          thirty cents, on August 12th next, with interest
+          at seven per cent. after January 1, 1881.
+
+                                     JOHN S. ALLBRIGHT.
+
+
+
+
+_A Negotiable Note Payable to Bearer._
+
+
+          $75.                 DETROIT, MICH., Oct. 8, 1881.
+
+          Thirty days after date, for value received, I
+          promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or bearer, at my
+          office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars with
+          interest from date.
+
+                                        SAMUEL Q. PETTIBONE.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Receipt._
+
+
+          $25.                   NEW YORK, Nov. 3, 1880.
+
+          Received from James O. Mitchell, twenty-five
+          dollars, to apply on account.
+
+                                     SMITH, JONES & CO.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Draft, Time from Sight._
+
+
+          $1,000.              DETROIT, MICH., July 7, 1880.
+
+          At ten days sight, pay to the order of J. Smith &
+          Co., one thousand dollars, and charge the same to
+          the account of             SHEPARD & NILES
+
+          TO SAMUEL STOKER & CO.,
+                          Indianapolis, Ind.
+
+
+
+
+_A Draft or Order "Without Grace."_
+
+
+          $175.           CINCINNATI, OHIO, Aug. 12, 1880.
+
+          At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson &
+          Co., one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and
+          charge to the account of        H.S. Morehouse.
+
+          TO TRADERS' NATIONAL BANK,
+                          Cincinnati, Ohio.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Bill._
+
+
+                              BUFFALO, N.Y., Dec. 6, 1880.
+          MARTIN HUGHES, Dr.
+                        TO JOHN J. HART.
+
+          Four volumes History of France, at $2.50 per
+          volume, $10.00.
+
+                                     Received payment.
+
+
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+General Rules of Conduct.
+
+
+In society, everybody should receive equal attention, the young as well
+as the old. A high authority says, "If we wish our young people to grow
+up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in those graces
+by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of
+maturer years. If we snub them, and systematically neglect them, they
+will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner, which will be very
+difficult for them to overcome."
+
+
+GRACEFULNESS OF CARRIAGE.
+
+Physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman. A
+gentleman should not only know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot
+and to swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully,
+and how to dance, if he would enjoy life to the utmost. A graceful
+carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master, as
+dancing and boxing are taught. A man should be able to defend himself
+from ruffians, if attacked, and also to defend women from their insults.
+Dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady, for the better
+the physical training, the more graceful and self-possessed she will be.
+Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in
+society or not. Swimming, skating, archery, games of lawn-tennis, and
+croquet, riding and driving, all aid in strengthening the muscles and
+giving open air exercise, and are therefore desirable recreations for
+the young of both sexes.
+
+
+ATTITUDE.
+
+Awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity. Lolling, gesticulating,
+fidgeting, handling an eye-glass, a watch-chain or the like, gives an
+air of _gaucherie_. A lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her
+chair, who stretches out her feet, who has a habit of holding her chin,
+or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons; a man who lounges in
+his chair, nurses his leg, bites his nails, or caresses his foot crossed
+over on his knee, shows clearly a want of good home training. Each
+should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing
+position, the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady. He may
+sit cross-legged if he wishes, but should not sit with his knees far
+apart, nor with his foot on his knee. If an object is to be indicated,
+you must move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger.
+
+
+COUGHING, SNEEZING, ETC.
+
+Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be
+done as quickly as possible. Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must
+never be done in society. A sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb
+or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose. If not checked, the
+face should be buried in the handkerchief, during the act of sneezing,
+for obvious reasons.
+
+
+ANECDOTES, PUNS AND REPARTEES.
+
+Anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation. Puns are always
+regarded as vulgar. Repartee should be indulged in with moderation, and
+never kept up, as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation.
+
+
+A SWEET AND PURE BREATH.
+
+The breath should be kept sweet and pure. Onions are the forbidden
+fruit, because of their offensiveness to the breath. No gentleman should
+go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco.
+
+
+SMOKING.
+
+It is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies,
+even though they have given permission, nor should a gentleman smoke in
+a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. In those homes when
+the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house, the sons
+will follow the father's example, and the air of the rooms becomes like
+that of a public house.
+
+
+SUPPRESSION OF EMOTION.
+
+Suppression of undue emotion, whether of laughter, of anger, or of
+mortification, of disappointment, or of selfishness in any form, is a
+mark of good breeding.
+
+
+A GOOD LISTENER.
+
+To be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker;
+but it is not enough only to listen, you must endeavor to seem
+interested in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the
+low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest.
+
+
+GIVE PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS.
+
+Give precedence to those older or of higher social position than
+yourself, unless they required you to take the precedence, when it is
+better to obey than to refuse. Be more careful to give others their rank
+of precedence than to take your own.
+
+
+BE MODERATE.
+
+Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon,
+defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do
+not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are
+not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject and lead to
+some other topic. There is seldom any profit in idle discussion.
+
+
+SINGING AND PLAYING IN SOCIETY.
+
+A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play: but
+being requested to do so, if she intends to comply, she should do so at
+once, without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she should do so in a
+manner that shall make her decision final. Having complied, she should
+not monopolize the evening with her performances, but make room for
+others.
+
+
+RECEIVING AND MAKING PRESENTS.
+
+Emerson says: "Our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous, cold
+and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a
+portion of thyself. Therefore let the farmer give his corn; the miner
+his gem; the sailor coral or shells; the painter his picture, and the
+poet his poem." To persons of refined nature, whatever the friend
+creates takes added value as part of themselves--part of their lives, as
+it were, having gone into it. People of the highest rank, abroad, will
+often accept, with gratitude, a bit of embroidery done by a friend, a
+poem inscribed to them by an author; a painting executed by some artist;
+who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them.
+Mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present; it is the
+kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value. People who
+possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither
+affection nor respect, but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness
+of kind hearts.
+
+A present should be acknowledged without delay, but you must not follow
+it quickly by a return. It is to be taken for granted that a gift is
+intended to afford pleasure to the recipient, not to be regarded as a
+question of investment or exchange. Never allude to a present you have
+given, unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received
+by the person to whom it was sent.
+
+Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are
+neither related nor engaged to them, nor indebted to them for some
+marked favors. A married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who
+is indebted to her for hospitality.
+
+In presenting a book to a friend, do not write in it the name of the
+person to whom it is given. But this is a rule better honored in its
+breach than in its observance, when the giver of the book is its author.
+
+Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of
+both herself and her husband.
+
+Never refuse a present if offered in kindness, unless the circumstances
+are such that you cannot, with propriety, receive it. Nor, in receiving
+a present, make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend
+cannot afford to make the present. On the other hand, never make a
+present which you cannot afford to make. In that case the recipient, if
+he or she knows anything of your circumstances, will think that you had
+better kept it yourself.
+
+
+GOVERNING OUR MOODS.
+
+We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look
+pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither
+should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of
+mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the
+confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if
+possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or
+expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome,
+may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in
+reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the
+time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her
+visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she
+remains.
+
+
+A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN.
+
+When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk
+to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being
+great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on
+the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on
+the way.
+
+
+AN INVITATION CANNOT BE RECALLED.
+
+An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best
+motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of
+being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of
+politeness. There is but one exception to this rule, and that is when
+the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.
+
+
+AVOID TALKING OF PERSONALITIES.
+
+Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters,
+to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When
+induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not
+speak boastfully.
+
+
+ABOUT PERSONS' NAMES.
+
+Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate
+friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. ----,
+or Mrs. ----, or Miss ----. Never name anyone by the first letter of his
+name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of
+him.
+
+
+SHUN GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING.
+
+Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of
+malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these
+things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all
+temptation in that direction.
+
+
+REMOVING THE HAT.
+
+A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of
+ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he
+enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retains
+his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF INFERIORS.
+
+Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him
+feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him
+with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.
+
+
+INTRUDING ON PRIVACY.
+
+Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect
+the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry
+into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It
+is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk;
+whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person
+should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing.
+You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never
+betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to
+secrecy.
+
+
+KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.
+
+Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or
+pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to
+keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and
+enter them there.
+
+
+VALUE OF POLITENESS.
+
+Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely
+necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind, politeness
+and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and
+agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor,
+virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who
+neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others;
+but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility,
+affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they
+feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."
+
+
+ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.
+
+Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be
+with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better
+even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not
+degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and
+better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated.
+True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but
+absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of
+etiquette.
+
+
+A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.
+
+Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a
+woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility,"
+says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember
+that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to
+every woman; and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if
+he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
+the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."
+
+
+DO NOT CONTRADICT.
+
+Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think
+you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which
+shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is
+unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.
+
+
+EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.
+
+You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable
+opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be
+attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the
+remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor
+the married parties.
+
+
+A CONVERSATION CHECKED.
+
+If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on
+hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking
+himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry
+out his first intentions.
+
+
+VULGARITIES.
+
+Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in
+the presence of others are given:
+
+To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.
+
+To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.
+
+To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.
+
+To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything
+which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.
+
+To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of
+speech.
+
+To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion
+justifies.
+
+To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar
+in the extreme.
+
+
+MISCELLANEOUS RULES.
+
+A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede
+gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.
+
+Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say
+"my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except
+servants.
+
+Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.
+
+Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual
+attention without delay.
+
+Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages
+you may possess.
+
+Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.
+
+Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of
+others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.
+
+You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or
+pick your nose in company.
+
+Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or
+hostess by soiling the paper of her room.
+
+Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.
+
+Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by
+making them wait for you.
+
+Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little
+service she may seem to require.
+
+Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in
+public gatherings.
+
+Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get
+fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be
+apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.
+
+Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a
+poor compliment if you thus forget them.
+
+Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to
+make one, if one is due from you.
+
+Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at
+whatever inconvenience to yourself.
+
+Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you
+wish to see them on business.
+
+Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor
+make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.
+
+On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before
+speaking to each of the persons assembled.
+
+Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.
+
+To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very
+impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.
+
+Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.
+
+Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a
+flippant one.
+
+Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day
+after you are done with it.
+
+Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass
+before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act
+is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.
+
+"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind
+his back," is a maxim to be remembered.
+
+Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch
+your temper; in society watch your tongue."
+
+Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a
+presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.
+
+Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best
+way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.
+
+In the presence of others, talk as little of yourself as possible, or of
+the business or profession in which you are engaged.
+
+It shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch, either at home or
+abroad. If at home, it appears as though you were tired of your company,
+and wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as though the hours
+dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be
+released.
+
+Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you
+visit. They are intended to be admired, not handled by visitors.
+
+Do not read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a
+book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety.
+
+Every species of affectation should be avoided, as it is always
+detected, and exceedingly disagreeable.
+
+
+WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS.
+
+Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has given to the public a
+collection of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, which he
+called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give
+these rules entire, as the reader may be interested in learning the
+principles which governed the conduct of the "Father of his Country."
+
+Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those
+present.
+
+In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor
+drum with your fingers or feet.
+
+Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not
+when others stop.
+
+Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table
+or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.
+
+Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played
+with.
+
+Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a
+necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or
+writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when
+another is writing a letter.
+
+Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
+
+Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your
+enemy.
+
+They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but
+whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals
+in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
+
+It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves,
+especially if they be above us.
+
+Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
+
+In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not
+knowing therein.
+
+In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to
+his degree and the custom of the place.
+
+Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your
+judgment to others with modesty.
+
+Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it
+savors arrogancy.
+
+When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him
+that did it.
+
+Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in
+public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what
+terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it
+with sweetness and mildness.
+
+Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are
+sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain
+from laughing thereat yourself.
+
+Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more
+prevalent than precept.
+
+Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses or
+revilings.
+
+Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
+
+In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather
+than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are
+civil and orderly with respect to time and place.
+
+Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well
+decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes
+handsomely.
+
+Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your
+reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
+
+Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a
+tractable and commendable nature; and in all cases of passion admit
+reason to govern.
+
+Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.
+
+Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor
+very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things
+hard to be believed.
+
+Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not
+of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them,
+change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your
+intimate friends.
+
+Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor
+at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem
+to be some cause.
+
+Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none,
+although they give occasion.
+
+Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear
+and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
+
+Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
+
+Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not.
+Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
+
+If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and
+be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be of the major
+side.
+
+Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents,
+masters and superiors.
+
+Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came.
+What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
+
+Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and
+that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters
+treat seriously.
+
+Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your
+words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly.
+
+When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the
+audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him
+without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech
+be ended.
+
+Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the
+company of others.
+
+Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any
+brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
+
+Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In
+discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always.
+A secret discover not.
+
+Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those
+who speak in private.
+
+Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your
+promise.
+
+When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion,
+however mean the person may be you do it to.
+
+When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.
+
+In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to
+each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major
+part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
+
+Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often
+the same matter of discourse.
+
+Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
+
+Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so
+show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be
+strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.
+
+Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due,
+or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should
+trouble the company.
+
+When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in
+reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
+
+Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
+
+Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire
+called conscience.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+Anniversary Weddings.
+
+
+The custom of celebrating anniversary weddings has, of late years, been
+largely practiced, and they have become a very pleasant means of social
+reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife. Often
+this is the only reason for celebrating them, and the occasion is
+sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party, of a more informal
+nature than could be given under other circumstances. The occasion
+becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose
+wedding anniversary is celebrated. It is an occasion for recalling the
+happy event which brought to each a new existence, and changed the
+current of their lives. It is an occasion for them to receive
+congratulations upon their past married life, and wishes for many
+additional years of wedded bliss.
+
+Upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes
+worn by them on their wedding day, which they have preserved with
+punctilious care, and when many years have intervened the quaintness and
+oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of
+interest, and the occasion of pleasant comments. The couple receive
+their guests together, who upon entering the drawing-room, where they
+are receiving, extend to them their congratulations and wishes for
+continued prosperity and happiness. The various anniversaries are
+designated by special names, indicative of the presents suitable on each
+occasion, should guests deem it advisable to send presents. It may be
+here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to
+whether any presents are sent or taken. At the earlier anniversaries,
+much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and
+fantastic articles, gotten up for the occasion. When this is
+contemplated, care should be taken that they should not be such as are
+liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature.
+
+THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDING.
+
+The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the Paper Wedding,
+the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. The
+invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper, representing
+thin cardboard. Presents, if given should be solely articles made of
+paper.
+
+The invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine
+white cloth, and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth.
+
+For the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather,
+tastily gotten up, and presents, of course, should be articles made of
+leather.
+
+
+THE WOODEN WEDDING.
+
+The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The
+invitations should be upon thin cards of wood, or they may be written on
+a sheet of wedding note paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the
+envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and
+may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use
+up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture.
+
+
+THE TIN WEDDING.
+
+The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. The
+invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a
+tin card inclosed. The guests, if they desire to accompany their
+congratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of
+articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select.
+
+
+THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.
+
+The crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations may be on
+thin, transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on
+ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make
+their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which may
+be more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined.
+
+
+THE CHINA WEDDING.
+
+The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the
+wedding-day. Invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine,
+semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or
+tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are
+appropriate on this occasion.
+
+
+THE SILVER WEDDING.
+
+The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary. The
+invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest
+note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both
+paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of
+the guests, they should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles, or
+more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the donors incline.
+
+
+THE GOLDEN WEDDING.
+
+The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the
+appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married
+happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this
+anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in
+gold, with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in
+highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are offered, are also in
+gold.
+
+
+THE DIAMOND WEDDING.
+
+Rarely, indeed, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should be held on
+the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So seldom are these
+occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be
+observed in the invitations. They might be issued upon diamond-shaped
+cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no
+general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any
+number are beyond the means of most persons.
+
+
+PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+It is not, as before stated, required that an invitation to an
+anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by
+any. The donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family
+or intimate friends, and may act at their own discretion in the matter
+of giving presents.
+
+On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it is not amiss to have
+printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to
+enclose a card announcing--
+
+"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their
+wording, according to the fancy of the writer, but they are all similar.
+They should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. They may
+or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the
+maiden name of the wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also
+be indicated.
+
+The following form will serve as a model:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                     1855=1880.
+
+          The pleasure of your company is
+          requested at the
+
+             Silver Wedding Reception
+                        of
+            Mr. and Mrs. Cyrus Jennings,
+
+          On Thursday evening, November
+              13th at nine o'clock.
+
+                      25 Jackson Avenue.
+
+          R.S.V.P.]
+
+
+
+A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the
+other anniversary weddings.
+
+
+MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these
+anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The
+earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to
+introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the
+exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to
+the occasion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+Births and Christenings.
+
+
+Upon the announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the
+mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as
+she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all
+from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind
+inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do
+not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay
+their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother
+and child.
+
+
+NAMING THE CHILD.
+
+It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall
+give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also
+concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of
+solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom in
+Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the
+first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the
+father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children
+after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they
+are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may
+be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name
+children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are
+objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he
+may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so
+cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a
+disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it
+may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the
+person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or
+satire.
+
+The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and
+it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred,
+Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are
+pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies,
+Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have
+taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.
+
+
+THE CHRISTENING.
+
+The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are
+regulated according to the practices of the special church where the
+parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient
+only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such
+times.
+
+
+GODPARENTS OR SPONSORS.
+
+In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, godparents
+or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one
+godmother. If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The persons
+selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and
+close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the
+child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather
+usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather
+and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as
+godparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are
+not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother, and
+allow her to designate the godfather. Young persons should not stand
+sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their
+superior position warrants them in so doing.
+
+
+PRESENTS FROM GODFATHERS.
+
+The sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort--a silver
+mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a
+costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The
+godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the godmother the
+christening robe and cap.
+
+
+THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY.
+
+Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its
+nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if
+she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their
+places the sponsors stand, the godfather on the right and the godmother
+on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the
+sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their
+heads without speaking.
+
+In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as
+possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for
+at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on
+the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a
+few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism
+is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the
+ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the
+clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is
+concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of
+cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the
+duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant.
+
+
+PRESENTS FROM GUESTS.
+
+Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor
+they convene, by some trifling gift. Gentlemen may present an article
+of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.
+
+
+THE HERO OF THE OCCASION.
+
+It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest
+importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large
+share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this
+duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on
+exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as
+soon as the ceremony is over.
+
+
+FEES TO THE CLERGYMAN.
+
+Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the
+parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating
+clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+Funerals.
+
+
+The saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of
+relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way,
+the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the
+deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of
+ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of
+intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in
+part.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.
+
+It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement
+of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such
+announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the
+funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In
+villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often
+issued.
+
+Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a
+heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Yourself and family are respectfully invited to
+          attend the funeral of Mr. James B. Southey, from
+          his late residence, No. 897 Williams avenue, on
+          Friday, October 18, at 3 o' clock P.M. (or from
+          St. Paul's Episcopal Church), to proceed to
+          Woodland Cemetery._]
+
+When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a
+distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death,
+time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive
+before the services.
+
+It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral,
+when one is sent.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.
+
+It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral
+to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who
+can perform this duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to
+perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to
+name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the
+family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be
+avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and
+inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as
+usher to seat the friends who attend.
+
+
+THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.
+
+Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove
+his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No
+calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the
+dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from
+receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.
+
+There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in
+the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house
+of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each
+other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped
+with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is
+married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or
+unmarried.
+
+
+THE FUNERAL SERVICES.
+
+If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will
+receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near
+relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the
+arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until
+the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to
+reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are
+held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the
+family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the
+door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests
+arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before
+seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin
+lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of
+opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final
+look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who
+desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is
+taken to the church.
+
+If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the
+community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers
+who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then,
+perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.
+
+
+THE PALL-BEARERS.
+
+The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is
+a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the
+intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If
+they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in equal numbers on
+either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages
+precede the hearse.
+
+
+ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.
+
+The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the
+hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest
+relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When
+societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the
+hearse.
+
+The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and
+draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the
+mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered
+heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates
+as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from
+the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance
+of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand
+and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads,
+if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests
+return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.
+
+
+FLORAL DECORATIONS.
+
+The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in
+a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a
+married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should
+mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral
+devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which
+should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.
+
+
+OTHER DECORATIONS.
+
+A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a
+deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the
+national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the
+lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows'
+fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.
+
+
+CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
+
+About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family,
+and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not
+repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family,
+the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends.
+It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their
+calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most
+intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence,
+expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to
+comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.
+Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not
+attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words
+wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.
+
+
+SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
+
+No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house
+between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be
+commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc.
+It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement,
+however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of
+seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for
+seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in
+accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the
+exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the
+strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the
+will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know
+or dream.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+Washington Etiquette.
+
+
+Certain local rules have been recognized in society at Washington, from
+the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of
+certain offices which he holds, and the social status of woman is also
+determined by the official rank of her husband.
+
+
+THE PRESIDENT.
+
+As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in
+political life, so is he also by virtue of that office, awarded
+precedence in social life. There is no necessity of special formalities
+to form his acquaintance, and he receives calls without being under any
+obligation to return them. He may be addressed either as "Mr.
+President," or "Your Excellency." Sometimes he gives up the morning
+hours to receiving calls, and at such times precedence is given to such
+people as have business with him, over parties who go to make a formal
+call. In either case, the caller is shown to the room occupied by the
+President's secretaries, presents his card and waits his turn to be
+admitted. If the caller has no business, but goes out of curiosity, he
+pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others. It is better in
+making a private call, to secure the company of some official or some
+friend of the President to introduce you.
+
+
+RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
+
+Stated receptions are given at the White House by the President during
+sessions of congress, and all are at liberty to attend them. Sometimes
+these are morning, and sometimes evening, receptions. Upon entering the
+reception room, the caller gives his name to the usher, who announces
+it, and upon approaching the President is introduced, by some official
+to whom the duty is assigned, both to the President and to the members
+of his family who receive with him. The callers pass on, after being
+introduced, mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms
+until ready to depart. If a caller wishes he may leave his card.
+
+The same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the
+President as at any formal dinner, precedence being given to guests
+according to official rank and dignity. An invitation by the President
+must be accepted, and it is admissible to break any other engagement
+already made; however, it is necessary to explain the cause, in order to
+avoid giving offense. It is not regarded as discourteous to break an
+engagement for this reason.
+
+The wife of the President is not under obligation to return calls,
+though she may visit those whom she wishes to favor with such
+attentions. Other members of the President's family may receive and
+return calls.
+
+
+NEW-YEAR'S RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
+
+As the New-Year's receptions at the White House are the most ceremonious
+occasions of the executive mansion, it is the custom of the ladies who
+attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning
+reception. Members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of
+their respective countries on this occasion, in paying their respects to
+the President of the United States.
+
+
+ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK.
+
+Next in rank to the President come the Chief Justice, the Vice-President
+and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive first
+visits from all others. The General of the army and the Admiral of the
+navy come next in the order of official rank. Members of the House of
+Representatives call first on all the officials named. The wife of any
+official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among
+officers of the army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds to the
+Vice-Admiral, the Major-General to Rear-Admiral, Brigadier-General to
+Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on through the lower
+grades.
+
+
+THE CABINET OFFICERS.
+
+The officers of the cabinet, comprising the Secretaries of State, the
+Treasury, the War, the Navy, the Postmaster-General, the Secretary of
+the Interior and Attorney-General, expect to receive calls, and as all
+the officers are of the same rank and dignity, it is only on occasions
+of State ceremonies that an order of preference is observed, which is as
+above given. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of their
+household, have onerous social duties to perform. They hold receptions
+every Wednesday during the season, which lasts from the first of January
+to Lent, when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with
+a call, and on these occasions refreshments are served. The ladies of
+the family are expected to return these calls, at which time they leave
+the card of the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening
+reception. The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators,
+Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of the
+diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as
+the ladies of their respective families. The visiting hours at the
+capital are usually from two until half-past five. The labor and fatigue
+which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet
+officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at
+her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of
+others, whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted, and to
+return in person calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the
+wife of a cabinet officer.
+
+
+HOW TO ADDRESS THE OFFICIALS.
+
+When writing to the different officials, the President is addressed "His
+Excellency, the President of the United States;" the members of the
+cabinet "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," etc., giving each his
+proper title; the Vice-President, "The Honorable, the Vice-President of
+the United States." In a ceremonious note, words must not be
+abbreviated. In conversation the Speaker of the House of Representatives
+is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a member of the cabinet as "Mr.
+Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" a member of the House of
+Representatives as "Mister," unless he has some other title; but he is
+introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." The custom is
+becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the
+prefixed titles of their husbands, as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs.
+Senator Thurman," "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."
+
+
+THE FIRST TO VISIT.
+
+The custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents
+shall make the first call on strangers, and among the latter those
+arriving first upon those coming later. Foreign ministers, however, in
+order to make themselves known, call first upon the members of the
+cabinet, which is returned.
+
+
+SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES.
+
+It is entirely optional with Senators, Representatives and all other
+officials except the President and members of his cabinet, whether they
+entertain. They act upon their own pleasure in the matter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+Foreign Titles.
+
+
+In this country, where everybody possesses one and the same title, that
+of a citizen of this Republic, no one can claim a superiority of rank
+and title. Not so in European countries, where the right of birth
+entitles a person to honor, rank and title. And as our citizens are
+constantly visiting foreign countries, it is well to understand
+something of titles and ranks and their order of precedence.
+
+
+ROYALTY.
+
+In England, the king and queen are placed at the top of the social
+structure. The mode by which they are addressed is in the form "Your
+Majesty."
+
+The Prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the throne, stands second in
+dignity. The other children are all known during their minority as
+princes and princesses. The eldest princess is called the crown
+princess. Upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke
+bestowed upon them, and the daughters retain that of princesses, adding
+to it the title of their husbands. They are all designated as "Their
+Royal Highnesses."
+
+
+THE NOBILITY.
+
+A duke who inherits the title from his father, stands one grade below a
+royal duke. The wife of a duke is known as a duchess. They are both
+addressed as "Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he inherits
+the higher title of his father. His wife is a marchioness. The younger
+sons are lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distinguished by
+having "Lady" prefixed to their Christian names. Earls and barons are
+both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies, though the latter are
+by right respectively countesses and baronesses. The daughters of the
+former are "ladies," the younger sons of both "honorables." The earl
+occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage.
+
+These complete the list of nobility, unless we include bishops, who are
+lords in right of their ecclesiastical office, but whose title is not
+hereditary.
+
+All these are entitled to seats in the upper House of Parliament.
+
+
+THE GENTRY.
+
+Baronets are known as "Sirs," and their wives receive the title of
+"Lady;" but they are only commoners of a higher degree, though there are
+families who have borne their title for many successive generations who
+would not exchange it for a recently created peerage.
+
+A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality with all
+commoners, a bishop with all peers.
+
+
+ESQUIRE.
+
+The title of Esquire, which is only an empty compliment in this country,
+has special significance in England. The following in that country have
+a legal right to the title:
+
+The sons of peers, whether known in common conversation as lords or
+honorables.
+
+The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual
+succession.
+
+All the sons of baronets.
+
+All esquires of the Knights of the Bath.
+
+Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown _in
+capite_ are esquires by prescription.
+
+Esquires created to that rank by patent, and their eldest sons in
+perpetual succession.
+
+Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll,
+mayors of towns during mayoralty, and sheriffs of counties (who retain
+the title for life).
+
+Members of the House of Commons.
+
+Barristers-at-law.
+
+Bachelors of divinity, law and physic.
+
+All who in commissions signed by the sovereign, are ever styled esquires
+retain that designation for life.
+
+
+IMPERIAL RANK.
+
+Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of
+the emperor of Austria are called archdukes and archduchesses, the
+names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country
+claimed for himself no higher title than that of archduke. The emperor
+of Russia is known as the czar, the name being identical with the Roman
+c�sar and the German kaiser. The heir-apparent to the Russian throne is
+the czarowitch.
+
+
+EUROPEAN TITLES.
+
+Titles in continental Europe are so common and so frequently unsustained
+by landed and moneyed interests, that they have not that significance
+which they hold in England. A count may be a penniless scamp, depending
+upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence, and looking out
+for the chance of making a wealthy marriage.
+
+A German baron may be a good, substantial, unpretending man, something
+after the manner of an American farmer. A German prince or duke, since
+the absorption of the smaller principalities of Germany by Prussia, may
+have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The
+Italian prince is even of less account than the German one, since his
+rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether, and his only inheritance
+may be a grand but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep it
+in repair or furnish it properly.
+
+
+PRESENTATION AT THE COURT OF ST. JAMES.
+
+It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the
+Queen during a sojourn in England, and as the Queen is really an
+excellent woman, worthy of all honor, not only can there be no valid
+cause for objection to such presentation, but it may well be looked upon
+as an honor to be sought for.
+
+
+THOSE ELIGIBLE TO PRESENTATION AT COURT.
+
+The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to
+presentation at court, unless there be some grave moral objection, in
+which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous Queen
+to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the
+objectionable parties are rigidly excluded. The clergy, naval and
+military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with
+their wives and daughters, have also the right to pay their personal
+respects to their queen. Those of more democratic professions, such as
+solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right,
+though wealth and connection have recently proven an open sesame at the
+gates of St. James. Any person who has been presented at court may
+present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented,
+must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or
+she may possess.
+
+
+PRELIMINARIES TO PRESENTATION.
+
+Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen,
+must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two
+days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with
+the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to be presented. In
+order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be
+made at a levee except by a person actually attending that levee, it is
+also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to
+make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present,
+should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be
+submitted to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These regulations
+of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.
+
+Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are
+always printed in the newspapers. These directions apply with equal
+force to ladies and to gentlemen.
+
+The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court
+costume, which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for
+women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can
+be hired for the occasion.
+
+
+THE PRESENTATION.
+
+It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves
+her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf
+behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she
+enters the long gallery of St. James, where she waits her turn for
+presentation.
+
+The lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber, which is
+entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping
+her train as she passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread
+out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward
+towards the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The
+card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another
+lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud. When she arrives just before
+His or Her Majesty, she should courtesy as low as possible, so as to
+almost kneel.
+
+If the lady presented be a peeress or a peer's daughter, the queen
+kisses her on the forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends
+her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises,
+courtesies to each of the other members of the royal family present, and
+then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as
+she passes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+Business.
+
+
+In the chapter on "Our Manners," we have spoken of the importance of
+civility and politeness as a means of success to the business and
+professional man. It is in the ordinary walks of life, in the most
+trivial affairs that a man's real character is shown, and consequently
+every man, whatever may be his calling, will do well to give due
+attention to those trivial affairs which, in his daily association with
+men of the world, will give him a reputation of being cold, austere, and
+unapproachable, or warm-hearted, genial, and sympathetic.
+
+
+FORM GOOD HABITS.
+
+It is important for the young man learning business, or just getting a
+start in business, to form correct habits, and especially of forming the
+habit of being polite to all with whom he has business relations,
+showing the same courteous treatment to men or women, poorly or plainly
+dressed, as though they were attired in the most costly of garments. A
+man who forms habits of politeness and gentlemanly treatment of
+everybody in early life, has acquired the good-will of all with whom he
+has ever been brought into social or business relations. He should also
+guard against such habits as profanity, the use of tobacco and
+intoxicating liquors, if he would gain and retain the respect of the
+best portion of the community, and should, if possible, cultivate the
+habit of being cheerful at all times and in all places.
+
+
+KEEP YOUR TEMPER.
+
+In discussing business matters, never lose your temper, even though your
+opponent in a controversy should become angry, and in the heat of
+discussion make rude and disagreeable remarks and charges. By a calm and
+dignified bearing and courteous treatment you will conquer his rudeness.
+
+
+HONESTY THE BEST POLICY.
+
+"Honesty is the best policy," is a maxim which merchants and tradesmen
+will find as true as it is trite, and no tradesman who wishes to retain
+his customers and his reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality
+of his goods. It is not good policy for a merchant or clerk, in selling
+goods, to tell the customer what they cost, as, in a majority of cases,
+he will not be believed.
+
+
+THE EXAMPLE OF A MERCHANT PRINCE.
+
+The value of politeness to a merchant is nowhere more clearly shown than
+in the case of the late A.T. Stewart, the merchant prince of New York.
+He not only treated every customer he waited upon with the utmost
+courtesy, but he demanded it of every employe, and sought for men
+possessing every quality of character tending to secure this suavity of
+manner, in the selection of his salesmen and clerks. He required them to
+observe rigidly all rules and forms of politeness, and would allow no
+partiality shown to people on account of their dress, those clad in
+humble apparel being treated with the same affability and politeness as
+those richly dressed. Everybody who entered his store was sure of
+receiving kind and courteous treatment. This may, or may not, have been
+his secret of success, but it certainly gained and retained for him a
+large custom, and was one element in his character which can be highly
+commended. And every merchant will be judged of by his customers in
+proportion to the courteous treatment they receive from him, or from
+clerks in his store. The lawyer or the doctor will also acquire
+popularity and patronage as he exhibits courteous and kind treatment to
+all with whom he comes into social or business relations.
+
+
+BREAKING AN APPOINTMENT.
+
+Do not break an appointment with a business man, if possible to avoid
+it, for if you do, the party with whom you made it may have reason to
+think that you are not a man of your word, and it may also cause him
+great annoyance, and loss of time. If, however, it becomes absolutely
+necessary to do so, you should inform him beforehand, either by a note
+or by a special messenger, giving reasons for its non-fulfillment.
+
+
+PROMPTLY MEETING NOTES AND DRAFTS.
+
+Every business man knows the importance of meeting promptly his notes
+and drafts, for to neglect it is disastrous to his reputation as a
+prompt business man. He should consider, also, apart from this, that he
+is under a moral obligation to meet these payments promptly when due. If
+circumstances which you cannot control prevent this, write at once to
+your creditor, stating plainly and frankly the reason why you are unable
+to pay him, and when you will be able. He will accommodate you if he has
+reason to believe your statements.
+
+
+PROMPT PAYMENT OF BILLS.
+
+If a bill is presented to you for payment, you should, if it is correct,
+pay it as promptly as though it were a note at the bank already due. The
+party who presents the bill may be in need of money, and should receive
+what is his due when he demands it. On the other hand, do not treat a
+man who calls upon you to pay a bill, or to whom you send to collect a
+bill, as though you were under no obligation to him. While you have a
+right to expect him to pay it, still its prompt payment may have so
+inconvenienced him as to deserve your thanks.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES.
+
+If you chance to see a merchant's books or papers left open before you,
+it is not good manners to look over them, to ascertain their contents.
+
+If you write a letter asking for information, you should always enclose
+an envelope, addressed and stamped for the answer.
+
+Courtesy demands that you reply to all letters immediately.
+
+If you are in a company of men where two or more are talking over
+business matters, do not listen to the conversation which it was not
+intended you should hear.
+
+In calling upon a man during business hours, transact your business
+rapidly and make your call as short as is consistent with the matters on
+hand. As a rule, men have but little time to visit during business
+hours.
+
+If an employer has occasion to reprove any of his clerks or employes, he
+will find that by speaking kindly he will accomplish the desired object
+much better than by harsher means.
+
+In paying out a large sum of money, insist that the person to whom it is
+paid shall count it in your presence, and on the other hand, never
+receive a sum of money without counting it in the presence of the party
+who pays it to you. In this way mistakes may be avoided.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX.
+
+Dress.
+
+
+To dress well requires good taste, good sense and refinement. A woman of
+good sense will neither make dress her first nor her last object in
+life. No sensible wife will betray that total indifference for her
+husband which is implied in the neglect of her appearance, and she will
+remember that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the duties
+which she owes to society. Every lady, however insignificant her social
+position may appear to herself, must exercise a certain influence on the
+feelings and opinions of others. An attention to dress is useful as
+retaining, in the minds of sensible men, that pride in a wife's
+appearance, which is so agreeable to her, as well as that due influence
+which cannot be obtained without it. But a love of dress has its perils
+for weak minds. Uncontrolled by good sense, and stimulated by personal
+vanity it becomes a temptation at first, and then a curse. When it is
+indulged in to the detriment of better employments, and beyond the
+compass of means, it cannot be too severely condemned. It then becomes
+criminal.
+
+
+CONSISTENCY IN DRESS.
+
+Consistency in regard to station and fortune is the first matter to be
+considered. A woman of good sense will not wish to expend in unnecessary
+extravagances money wrung from an anxious, laborious husband; or if her
+husband be a man of fortune, she will not, even then, encroach upon her
+allowance. In the early years of married life, when the income is
+moderate, it should be the pride of a woman to see how little she can
+spend upon her dress, and yet present that tasteful and creditable
+appearance which is desirable. Much depends upon management, and upon
+the care taken of garments. She should turn everything to account, and
+be careful of her clothing when wearing it.
+
+
+EXTRAVAGANCE IN DRESS.
+
+Dress, to be in perfect taste, need not be costly. It is unfortunate
+that in the United States, too much attention is paid to dress by those
+who have neither the excuse of ample means nor of social culture. The
+wife of a poorly paid clerk, or of a young man just starting in
+business, aims at dressing as stylishly as does the wealthiest among her
+acquaintances. The sewing girl, the shop girl, the chambermaid, and even
+the cook, must have their elegantly trimmed silk dresses and velvet
+cloaks for Sunday and holiday wear, and the injury done by this state
+of things to the morals and manners of the poorer classes is
+incalculable.
+
+As fashions are constantly changing, those who do not adopt the
+extremes, as there are so many of the prevailing modes at present, can
+find something to suit every form and face.
+
+
+INDIFFERENCE TO DRESS.
+
+Indifference and inattention to dress is a defect of character rather
+than virtue, and often denotes indolence and slovenliness. Every woman
+should aim to make herself look as well as possible with the means at
+her command. Among the rich, a fondness for dress promotes exertion and
+activity of the mental powers, cultivates a correct taste and fosters
+industry and ingenuity among those who seek to procure for them the
+material and designs for dress. Among the middle classes it encourages
+diligence, contrivance, planning and deftness of handiwork, and among
+the poorer classes it promotes industry and economy. A fondness for
+dress, when it does not degenerate into vain show, has an elevating and
+refining influence on society.
+
+
+APPROPRIATE DRESS.
+
+To dress appropriately is another important matter to be considered. Due
+regard must be paid to the physical appearance of the person, and the
+dress must be made to harmonize throughout. An appropriate dress is that
+which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unnoticeable.
+Thin ladies can wear delicate colors, while stout persons look best in
+black or dark grey. For young and old the question of appropriate color
+must be determined by the figure and complexion. Rich colors harmonize
+with brunette complexions or dark hair, and delicate colors with persons
+of light hair and blonde complexions.
+
+
+GLOVES.
+
+Gloves are worn by gentlemen as well as ladies in the street, at an
+evening party, at the opera or theatre, at receptions, at church, when
+paying a call, riding or driving; but not in the country or at dinner.
+White should be worn at balls; the palest colors at evening parties and
+neutral shades at church.
+
+
+EVENING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+The evening or full dress for gentlemen is a black dress-suit--a
+"swallow-tail" coat, the vest cut low, the cravat white, and kid gloves
+of the palest hue or white. The shirt front should be white and plain;
+the studs and cuff-buttons simple. Especial attention should be given to
+the hair, which should be neither short nor long. It is better to err
+upon the too short side, as too long hair savors of affectation,
+destroys the shape of the physiognomy, and has a touch of vulgarity
+about it. Evening dress is the same for a large dinner party, a ball or
+an opera. In some circles, however, evening dress is considered an
+affectation, and it is as well to do as others do. On Sunday, morning
+dress is worn and on that day of the week no gentleman is expected to
+appear in evening dress, either at church, at home or away from home.
+Gloves are dispensed with at dinner parties, and pale colors are
+preferred to white for evening wear.
+
+
+MORNING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+The morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock-coat, or a black
+cut-away, white or black vest, according to the season, gray or colored
+pants, plaid or stripes, according to the fashion, a high silk
+(stove-pipe) hat, and a black scarf or necktie. A black frock coat with
+black pants is not considered a good combination, nor is a dress coat
+and colored or light pants. The morning dress is suitable for garden
+parties, Sundays, social teas, informal calls, morning calls and
+receptions.
+
+It will be seen that morning and evening dress for gentlemen varies as
+much as it does for ladies. It is decidedly out of place for a gentleman
+to wear a dress coat and white tie in the day-time, and when evening
+dress is desired on ceremonious occasions, the shutters should be closed
+and the gas or lamps lighted. The true evening costume or full dress
+suit, accepted as such throughout the world, has firmly established
+itself in this country; yet there is still a considerable amount of
+ignorance displayed as to the occasions when it should be worn, and it
+is not uncommon for the average American, even high officials and
+dignified people, to wear the full evening costume at a morning
+reception or some midday ceremony. A dress coat at a morning or
+afternoon reception or luncheon, is entirely out of place, while the
+frock-coat or cut-away and gray pants, make a becoming costume for such
+an occasion.
+
+
+JEWELRY FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+It is not considered in good taste for men to wear much jewelry. They
+may with propriety wear one gold ring, studs and cuff-buttons, and a
+watch chain, not too massive, with a modest pendant, or none at all.
+Anything more looks like a superabundance of ornament.
+
+
+EVENING DRESS FOR LADIES.
+
+Evening dress for ladies may be as rich, elegant and gay as one chooses
+to make it. It is everywhere the custom to wear full evening dress in
+brilliant evening assemblages. It may be cut either high or low at the
+neck, yet no lady should wear her dress so low as to make it quite
+noticeable or a special subject of remark. Evening dress is what is
+commonly known as "full dress," and will serve for a large evening
+party, ball or dinner. No directions will be laid down with reference to
+it, as fashion devises how it is to be made and what material used.
+
+
+BALL DRESS.
+
+Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations of costume in
+the dinner dress, and the dress for evening parties. For a ball,
+everything should be light and diaphanous, somewhat fanciful and airy.
+The heavy, richly trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not
+dance. The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints in
+silk, the most expensive laces, elaborate coiffures, a large display of
+diamonds, artificial flowers for the head-dress and natural flowers for
+hand bouquets, all belong, more or less, to the costume for a large
+ball.
+
+
+THE FULL DINNER DRESS.
+
+The full dinner dress for guests admits of great splendor. It may be of
+any thick texture of silk or velvet for winter, or light rich goods for
+summer, and should be long and sweeping. Every trifle in a lady's
+costume should be, as far as she can afford it, faultless. The fan
+should be perfect in its way, and the gloves should be quite fresh.
+Diamonds are used in broaches, pendants, ear-rings and bracelets. If
+artificial flowers are worn in the hair, they should be of the choicest
+description. All the light neutral tints, and black, dark blue, purple,
+dark green, garnet, brown and fawn are suited for dinner wear.
+
+
+DRESS OF HOSTESS AT A DINNER PARTY.
+
+The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be rich in material, but
+subdued in tone, so as not to eclipse any of her guests. A young hostess
+should wear a dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar
+and cuffs of fine lace, and if the dinner be by daylight, plain jewelry,
+but by gaslight diamonds.
+
+
+SHOWY DRESS.
+
+The glaring colors and "loud" costumes, once so common, have given place
+to sober grays, and browns and olives; black predominating over all.
+The light, showily-trimmed dresses, which were once displayed in the
+streets and fashionable promenades, are now only worn in carriages. This
+display of showy dress and glaring colors is generally confined to those
+who love ostentation more than comfort.
+
+
+DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS.
+
+If a lady has a special day for the reception of calls, her dress must
+be of silk, or other goods suitable to the season, or to her position,
+but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn. Lace collars and cuffs
+should be worn with this dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is also
+admissible. A lady whose mornings are devoted to the superintendence of
+her domestic affairs, may receive a casual caller in her ordinary
+morning dress, which must be neat, yet plain, with white plain linen
+collars and cuffs. For New Year's, or other calls of special
+significance, the dress should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed.
+If the parlors are closed and the gas lighted, full evening dress is
+required.
+
+
+CARRIAGE DRESS.
+
+The material for a dress for a drive through the public streets of a
+city, or along a fashionable drive or park, cannot be too rich. Silks,
+velvets and laces, are all appropriate, with rich jewelry and costly
+furs in cold weather. If the fashion require it, the carriage dress may
+be long enough to trail, or it may be of the length of a walking dress,
+which many prefer. For driving in the country, a different style of
+dress is required, as the dust and mud would soil rich material.
+
+
+VISITING COSTUMES.
+
+Visiting costumes, or those worn at a funeral or informal calls, are of
+richer material than walking suits. The bonnet is either simple or rich,
+according to the taste of the wearer. A jacket of velvet, or shawl, or
+fur-trimmed mantle are the concomitants of the carriage dress for
+winter. In summer all should be bright, cool, agreeable to wear and
+pleasant to look at.
+
+
+DRESS FOR MORNING CALLS.
+
+Morning calls may be made either in walking or carriage dress, provided
+the latter is justified by the presence of the carriage. The dress
+should be of silk; collar and cuffs of the finest lace; light gloves; a
+full dress bonnet and jewelry of gold, either dead, burnished or
+enameled, or of cameo or coral. Diamonds are not usually worn in
+daylight. A dress of black or neutral tint, in which light colors are
+introduced only in small quantities, is the most appropriate for a
+morning call.
+
+
+MORNING DRESS FOR STREET.
+
+The morning dress for the street should be quiet in color, plainly made
+and of serviceable material. It should be short enough to clear the
+ground without collecting mud and garbage. Lisle-thread gloves in
+midsummer, thick gloves in midwinter, are more comfortable for street
+wear than kid ones. Linen collars and cuffs are most suitable for
+morning street dress. The bonnet and hat should be quiet and
+inexpressive, matching the dress as nearly as possible. In stormy
+weather a large waterproof with hood is more convenient and less
+troublesome than an umbrella. The morning dress for visiting or
+breakfasting in public may be, in winter, of woolen goods, simply made
+and quietly trimmed, and in summer, of cambric, pique, marseilles or
+other wash goods, either white or figured. For morning wear at home the
+dress may be still simpler. The hair should be plainly arranged without
+ornament.
+
+
+THE PROMENADE DRESS.
+
+The dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself.
+All the colors worn should harmonize if they are not strictly identical.
+The bonnet should not be of one color, and parasol of another, the dress
+of a third and the gloves of a fourth. Nor should one article be new and
+another shabby. The collars and cuffs should be of lace; the kid gloves
+should be selected to harmonize with the color of the dress, a perfect
+fit. The jewelry worn should be bracelets, cuff-buttons, plain gold
+ear-rings, a watch chain and brooch.
+
+
+OPERA DRESS.
+
+Opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for morning calls. A
+bonnet is always worn even by those who occupy boxes, but it may be as
+dressy as one chooses to make it. In the evening, ladies are at liberty
+to wear evening dresses, with ornaments in their hair, instead of a
+bonnet, and as the effect of light colors is much better than dark in a
+well-lighted opera house, they should predominate.
+
+
+THE RIDING DRESS.
+
+A lady's riding habit should fit perfectly without being tight. The
+skirt must be full, and long enough to cover the feet, but not of
+extreme length. The boots must be stout and the gloves gauntleted.
+Broadcloth is regarded as the more dressy cloth, though waterproof is
+the more serviceable. Something lighter may be worn for summer, and in
+the lighter costumes a row of shot must be stitched at the bottom of the
+breadths of the left side to prevent the skirts from being blown by the
+wind. The riding dress is made to fit the waist closely, and button
+nearly to the throat. Above a small collar or reverse of the waist is
+shown a plain linen collar, fastened at the throat with a bright or
+black necktie. Coat sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs
+beneath them. No lace or embroidery is allowable in a riding costume. It
+is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length, and
+the long skirt fastened over it, so that if any accident occurs obliging
+the lady to dismount, she may easily remove the long overskirt and still
+be properly dressed.
+
+The hair should be put up compactly, and no veil should be allowed to
+stream in the wind. The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, but
+it should always be plainly trimmed, and if feathers are worn they must
+be fastened so that the wind cannot blow them over the wearer's eyes.
+
+
+A WALKING SUIT.
+
+The material for a walking suit may be either rich or plain to suit the
+taste and means of the wearer. It should always be well made and never
+appear shabby. Bright colors appear best only as trimmings. Black has
+generally been adopted for street dresses as the most becoming. For the
+country, walking dresses are made tasteful, solid and strong, more for
+service than display, and what would be perfectly appropriate for the
+streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved
+walks of a small town or in a country neighborhood. The walking or
+promenade dress is always made short enough to clear the ground. Thick
+boots are worn with the walking suit.
+
+
+DRESS FOR LADIES OF BUSINESS.
+
+For women who are engaged in some daily employment such as teachers,
+saleswomen and those who are occupied in literature, art or business of
+some sort, the dress should be somewhat different from the ordinary
+walking costume. Its material should be more serviceable, better fitted
+to endure the vicissitudes of the weather, and of quiet colors, such as
+brown or gray, and not easily soiled. While the costume should not be of
+the simplest nature, it should dispense with all superfluities in the
+way of trimming. It should be made with special reference to a free use
+of the arms, and to easy locomotion. Linen cuffs and collars are best
+suited to this kind of dress, gloves which can be easily removed,
+street walking boots, and for jewelry, plain cuff-buttons, brooch and
+watch chain. The hat or bonnet should be neat and tasty, with but few
+flowers or feathers. For winter wear, waterproof, tastefully made up, is
+the best material for a business woman's outer garment.
+
+
+ORDINARY EVENING DRESS.
+
+The ordinary evening house dress should be tasteful and becoming, with a
+certain amount of ornament, and worn with jewelry. Silks are the most
+appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy woolen dress fabrics for
+winter, and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made,
+are suitable. For winter, the colors should be rich and warm, and knots
+of bright ribbon of a becoming color, should be worn at the throat and
+in the hair. The latter should be plainly dressed. Artificial flowers
+and diamonds are out of place. This is both a suitable dress in which to
+receive or make a casual evening call. If a hood is worn, it must be
+removed during the call. Otherwise a full dress bonnet must be worn.
+
+
+DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY.
+
+For the social evening party, more latitude is allowed in the choice of
+colors, material, trimmings, etc., than for the ordinary evening dress.
+Dresses should cover the arms and shoulder; but if cut low in the neck,
+and with short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or some similar device
+should be employed to cover the neck and arms. Gloves may or may not be
+worn, but if they are they should be of some light color.
+
+
+DRESS FOR CHURCH.
+
+The dress for church should be plain, of dark, quiet colors, with no
+superfluous trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the plainest of
+promenade dresses, as church is not the place for display of fine
+clothes.
+
+
+THE DRESS FOR THE THEATRE.
+
+The promenade dress with the addition of a handsome cloak or shawl,
+which may be thrown aside if it is uncomfortable, is suitable for a
+theatre. The dress should be quiet and plain without any attempt at
+display. Either a bonnet or hat may be worn. Gloves should be dark,
+harmonizing with the dress.
+
+
+DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT.
+
+For the lecture or concert, silk is an appropriate dress, and should be
+worn with lace collars and cuffs and jewelry. A rich shawl or velvet
+promenade cloak, or opera cloak for a concert is an appropriate outer
+garment. The latter may or may not be kept on the shoulders during the
+evening. White or light kid gloves should be worn.
+
+
+CROQUET, ARCHERY AND SKATING COSTUMES.
+
+Croquet and archery costumes may be similar, and they admit of more
+brilliancy in coloring than any of the out-of-door costumes. They should
+be short, displaying a handsomely fitting but stout boot, and should be
+so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free. The gloves should be
+soft and washable. Kid is not suitable for either occasion. The hat
+should have a broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun, and
+render a parasol unnecessary. The trimming for archery costumes is
+usually of green.
+
+An elegant skating costume may be of velvet, trimmed with fur, with fur
+bordered gloves and boots. Any of the warm, bright colored wool fabrics,
+however, are suitable for the dress. If blue or green are worn, they
+should be relieved with trimmings of dark furs. Silk is not suitable for
+skating costume. To avoid suffering from cold feet, the boot should be
+amply loose.
+
+
+BATHING COSTUME.
+
+Flannel is the best material for a bathing costume, and gray is regarded
+as the most suitable color. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid.
+The best form is the loose sacque, or the yoke waist, both of them to be
+belted in, and falling about midway between the knee and ankle; an
+oilskin cap to protect the hair from the water, and merino socks to
+match the dress, complete the costume.
+
+
+TRAVELING DRESS.
+
+Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the requirements of a
+traveling dress. When a lady is about making an extensive journey, a
+traveling suit is a great convenience, but for a short journey, a large
+linen overdress or duster may be put on over the ordinary dress in
+summer, and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way.
+For traveling costumes a variety of materials may be used, of soft,
+neutral tints, and smooth surface which does not retain the dust. These
+should be made up plainly and quite short. The underskirts should be
+colored, woolen in winter and linen in summer. The hat or bonnet must be
+plainly trimmed and completely protected by a large veil. Velvet is
+unfit for a traveling hat, as it catches and retains the dust; collars
+and cuffs of plain linen. The hair should be put up in the plainest
+manner. A waterproof and warm woolen shawl are indispensible, and may be
+rolled in a shawl strap when not needed. A satchel should be carried, in
+which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs,
+toilet articles, and towels. A traveling dress should be well supplied
+with pockets. The waterproof should have large pockets, and there should
+be one in the underskirt in which to carry such money and valuables as
+are not needed for immediate use.
+
+
+THE WEDDING DRESS.
+
+A full bridal costume should be white from head to foot. The dress may
+be of silk, heavily corded, moire antique, satin or plain silk, merino,
+alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or
+illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not descend over
+the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses
+should form the bridal wreath and bouquet. The dress is high and the
+arms covered. Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the
+dress.
+
+The dress of the bridegroom and ushers is given in the chapter treating
+of the etiquette of weddings.
+
+
+DRESS OF BRIDEMAIDS.
+
+The dresses of bridemaids are not so elaborate as that of the bride.
+They should also be of white, but may be trimmed with delicately colored
+flowers and ribbons. White tulle, worn over pale pink or blue silk and
+caught up with blush roses or forget-me-nots, with _bouquet de corsage_
+and hand bouquet of the same, makes a beautiful costume for the
+bridemaids. The latter, may or may not, wear veils, but if they do, they
+should be shorter than that of the bride.
+
+
+TRAVELING DRESS OF A BRIDE.
+
+This should be of silk, or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses;
+should be of some neutral tint; and bonnet and gloves should match in
+color. It may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling
+dress, but if the bride wishes to attract as little attention as
+possible, she will not make herself conspicuous by a too showy dress. In
+private weddings the bride is sometimes married in traveling costume,
+and the bridal pair at once set out upon their journey.
+
+
+DRESS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS.
+
+At wedding receptions in the evening, guests should wear full evening
+dress. No one should attend in black or mourning dress, which should
+give place to grey or lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded
+couple, guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves.
+
+
+MOURNING.
+
+The people of the United States have settled upon no prescribed periods
+for the wearing of mourning garments. Some wear them long after their
+hearts have ceased to mourn. Where there is profound grief, no rules are
+needed, but where the sorrow is not so great, there is need of
+observance of fixed periods for wearing mourning.
+
+Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge, bombazine,
+lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily clinging material,
+with collar and cuffs of crape. Mourning garments should have little or
+no trimming; no flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress is
+not made _en suite_, then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere
+with crape border is worn. The bonnet is of black crape; a hat is
+inadmissible. The veil is of crape or barege with heavy border; black
+gloves and black-bordered handkerchief. In winter dark furs may be worn
+with the deepest mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins,
+buckles, etc., must be of jet. Lustreless alpaca and black silk trimmed
+with crape may be worn in second mourning, with white collars and cuffs.
+The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is
+still retained. A still less degree of mourning is indicated by black
+and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors. Crape is
+still retained in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added. Light
+gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac, indicate a slight
+mourning. Black lace bonnet, with white or violet flowers, supercedes
+crape, and jet and gold jewelry is worn.
+
+
+PERIODS OF WEARING MOURNING.
+
+The following rules have been given by an authority competent to speak
+on these matters regarding the degree of mourning and the length of time
+it should be worn:
+
+"The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is
+worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow's mourning for the first year
+consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded
+untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape
+veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and
+cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray,
+violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly
+plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never
+a hat.
+
+"The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six
+months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with
+crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings,
+black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black
+silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of
+tulle and white bonnet-facings; and the last three months in gray,
+purple and violet. Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn
+for a parent.
+
+"Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months, three months black
+woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of
+crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in black silk trimmed
+with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in
+gray, purple, white and violet.
+
+"Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance, is the same
+as that worn for a grandparent.
+
+"Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months, two months in
+solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of
+black with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk,
+with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white
+and violet.
+
+"Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the
+second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings
+being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same
+length of time.
+
+"The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk
+or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close
+mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits--in fact, trimming of
+any kind--is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.
+
+"Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a
+border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is
+lightened.
+
+"Mourning silks should be perfectly lusterless, and the ribbons worn
+without any gloss.
+
+"Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress,
+even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a
+gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.
+
+"The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer
+and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and
+bonnet ribbons."
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI.
+
+Harmony of Colors in Dress.
+
+
+The selection and proper arrangement of colors, so that they will
+produce the most pleasant harmony, is one of the most desirable
+requisites in dress. Sir Joshua Reynolds says: "Color is the last
+attainment of excellence in every school of painting." The same may also
+be said in regard to the art of using colors in dress. Nevertheless, it
+is the first thing to which we should give our attention and study.
+
+We put bright colors upon our little children; we dress our young girls
+in light and delicate shades; the blooming matron is justified in
+adopting the warm, rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while
+black and neutral tints are declared appropriate to the old.
+
+One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it
+should be in a limited quantity and only by way of contrast or harmony.
+Some colors may never, under any circumstances, be worn together,
+because they produce positive discord to the eye. If the dress be blue,
+red should never be introduced by way of trimming, or _vice versa_. Red
+and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scarlet and crimson may
+never be united in the same costume. If the dress be red, green maybe
+introduced in a minute quantity; if blue, orange; if green, crimson.
+Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, each killing the other
+whenever they meet.
+
+Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, may not be used in equal
+quantities in the dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they
+divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any
+quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as gray or drab. Black
+may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades
+of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though
+it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and
+pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the
+black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab,
+being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with
+equal effect with all.
+
+A person of very fair, delicate complexion, should always wear the most
+delicate of tints, such as light blue, mauve and pea-green. A brunette
+requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the
+brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair call
+for blue.
+
+Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white,
+and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold.
+
+Dark brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity.
+
+If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale yellowish green will by
+reflection produce the lacking warm tint.
+
+Light brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden
+tint.
+
+Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased
+by the addition of pearls or white flowers.
+
+Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of
+a golden red, blue, green, purple or black will bring out the richness
+of its tints.
+
+Flaxen hair requires blue.
+
+
+MATERIAL FOR DRESS.
+
+The material for dress must be selected with reference to the purpose
+which it is to serve. No one buys a yellow satin dress for the
+promenade, yet a yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful, as an
+evening-dress. Neither would one buy a heavy serge of neutral tint for
+an opera-dress.
+
+
+SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS.
+
+A small person may dress in light colors which would be simply
+ridiculous on a person of larger proportions. So a lady of majestic
+appearance should never wear white, but will be seen to the best
+advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of diminutive stature is
+dressed in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large figures,
+plaids or stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in
+similar garments, because, united with her size, they give her a "loud"
+appearance. Indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are
+never in perfect taste.
+
+Heavy, rich materials suit a tall figure, while light, full draperies
+should only be worn by those of slender proportions and not too short.
+The very short and stout must be content with meagre drapery and quiet
+colors.
+
+Tall and slim persons should avoid stripes; short, chunky ones,
+flounces, or any horizontal trimming of the dress which, by breaking the
+outline from the waist to the feet, produces an effect of shortening.
+
+
+HOW COLORS HARMONIZE.
+
+Colors may form a harmony either by contrast or by analogy. When two
+remote shades of one color are associated, such as very light blue and a
+very dark blue, they harmonize by contrast, though the harmony may be
+neither striking nor perfect. When two colors which are similar to each
+other are grouped, such as orange and scarlet, crimson and orange, they
+harmonize by analogy. A harmony of contrast is characterized by
+brilliancy and decision, and a harmony of analogy by a quiet and
+pleasing association of colors.
+
+When a color is chosen which is favorable to the complexion, it is well
+to associate with it the tints which will harmonize by analogy, as to
+use contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect. When a color
+is used in dress, not suitable to the complexion, it should be
+associated with contrasting colors, as they have the power to neutralize
+its objectionable influence.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+Colors of similar power which contrast with each other, mutually
+intensify each other's brilliancy, as blue and orange, scarlet and
+green; but dark and light colors associated do not intensify each other
+to the same degree, the dark appearing darker and the light appearing
+lighter, as dark blue and straw color. Colors which harmonize with each
+other by analogy, reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less
+degree, as white and yellow, blue and purple, black and brown.
+
+The various shades of purple and lilac, dark blues and dark greens, lose
+much of their brilliancy by gaslight, while orange, scarlet, crimson,
+the light browns and light greens, gain brilliancy by a strong
+artificial light.
+
+Below the reader will find a list of colors that harmonize, forming most
+agreeable combinations, in which are included all the latest and most
+fashionable shades and colors:
+
+          Black and pink.
+          Black and lilac.
+          Black and scarlet.
+          Black and maize.
+          Black and slate color.
+          Black and orange, a rich harmony.
+          Black and white, a perfect harmony.
+          Black and brown, a dull harmony.
+          Black and drab or buff.
+          Black, white or yellow and crimson.
+          Black, orange, blue and scarlet.
+          Black and chocolate brown.
+          Black and shaded cardinal.
+          Black and cardinal.
+          Black, yellow, bronze and light blue.
+          Black, cardinal, blue and old gold.
+          Blue and brown.
+          Blue and black.
+          Blue and gold, a rich harmony.
+          Blue and orange, a perfect harmony.
+          Blue and chestnut (or chocolate).
+          Blue and maize.
+          Blue and straw color.
+          Blue and white.
+          Blue and fawn color, weak harmony.
+          Blue and stone color.
+          Blue and drab.
+          Blue and lilac, weak harmony.
+          Blue and crimson, imperfectly.
+          Blue and pink, poor harmony.
+          Blue and salmon color.
+          Blue, scarlet and purple (or lilac).
+          Blue, orange and black.
+          Blue, orange and green.
+          Blue, brown, crimson and gold (or yellow).
+          Blue, orange, black and white.
+          Blue, pink and bronze green.
+          Blue, cardinal and old gold.
+          Blue, yellow, chocolate-brown and gold.
+          Blue, mulberry and yellow.
+          Bronze and old gold.
+          Bronze, pink and light blue.
+          Bronze, black, blue, pink and gold.
+          Bronze, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Brown, blue, green, cardinal and yellow.
+          Brown, yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Crimson and gold, rich harmony.
+          Crimson and orange, rich harmony.
+          Crimson and brown, dull harmony.
+          Crimson and black, dull harmony.
+          Crimson and drab.
+          Crimson and maize.
+          Crimson and purple.
+          Cardinal and old gold.
+          Cardinal, brown and black.
+          Cardinal and navy blue.
+          Chocolate, blue, pink and gold.
+          Claret and old gold.
+          Dark green, white and cardinal.
+          Ecrue, bronze and peacock.
+          Ecrue and light blue.
+          Garnet, bronze and pink.
+          Gensd'arme and cardinal.
+          Gensd'arme and bronze.
+          Gensd'arme and myrtle.
+          Gensd'arme and old gold.
+          Gensd'arme, yellow and cardinal.
+          Gensd'arme, pink, cardinal and lavender.
+          Green and gold, or gold color.
+          Green and scarlet.
+          Green and orange.
+          Green and yellow.
+          Green, crimson, blue and gold, or yellow.
+          Green, blue and scarlet.
+          Green, gold and mulberry.
+          Green and cardinal.
+          Lilac and white, poor.
+          Lilac and gray, poor.
+          Lilac and maize.
+          Lilac and cherry.
+          Lilac and gold, or gold color.
+          Lilac and scarlet.
+          Lilac and crimson.
+          Lilac, scarlet and white or black.
+          Lilac, gold color and crimson.
+          Lilac, yellow or gold, scarlet and white.
+          Light pink and garnet.
+          Light drab, pine, yellow and white.
+          Myrtle and old gold.
+          Myrtle and bronze.
+          Myrtle, red, blue and yellow.
+          Myrtle, mulberry, cardinal, gold and light green.
+          Mulberry and old gold.
+          Mulberry and gold.
+          Mulberry and bronze.
+          Mulberry, bronze and gold.
+          Mulberry and pearl.
+          Mode, pearl and mulberry.
+          Maroon, yellow, silvery gray and light green.
+          Navy blue, light blue and gold.
+          Navy blue, gensd'arme and pearl.
+          Navy blue, maize, cardinal and yellow.
+          Orange and bronze, agreeable.
+          Orange and chestnut.
+          Orange, lilac and crimson.
+          Orange, red and green.
+          Orange, purple and scarlet.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet and purple.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet and claret.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet, white and green.
+          Orange, blue and crimson.
+          Pearl, light blue and peacock blue.
+          Peacock blue and light gold.
+          Peacock blue and old gold.
+          Peacock blue and cardinal.
+          Peacock blue, pearl, gold and cardinal.
+          Purple and maize.
+          Purple and blue.
+          Purple and gold, or gold color, rich.
+          Purple and orange, rich.
+          Purple and black, heavy.
+          Purple and white, cold.
+          Purple, scarlet and gold color.
+          Purple, scarlet and white.
+          Purple, scarlet, blue and orange.
+          Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and black.
+          Red and white, or gray.
+          Red and gold, or gold color.
+          Red, orange and green.
+          Red, yellow or gold color and black.
+          Red, gold color, black and white.
+          Seal brown, gold and cardinal.
+          Sapphire and bronze.
+          Sapphire and old gold.
+          Sapphire and cardinal.
+          Sapphire and light blue.
+          Sapphire and light pink.
+          Sapphire and corn.
+          Sapphire and garnet.
+          Sapphire and mulberry.
+          Shaded blue and black.
+          Scarlet and blue.
+          Scarlet and slate color.
+          Scarlet and orange.
+          Scarlet, blue and white.
+          Scarlet, blue and yellow.
+          Scarlet, black and white.
+          Scarlet, blue, black and yellow.
+          Shaded blue, shaded garnet and shaded gold.
+          Shaded blue and black.
+          White and cherry.
+          White and crimson.
+          White and brown.
+          White and pink.
+          White and scarlet.
+          White and gold color, poor.
+          Yellow and black.
+          Yellow and brown.
+          Yellow and red.
+          Yellow and chestnut or chocolate.
+          Yellow and white, poor.
+          Yellow and purple, agreeable.
+          Yellow and violet.
+          Yellow and lilac, weak.
+          Yellow and blue, cold.
+          Yellow and crimson.
+          Yellow, purple and crimson.
+          Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue.
+          Yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Yellow, pink, maroon and light blue.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII.
+
+The Toilet.
+
+
+To appear at all times neat, clean and tidy, is demanded of every
+well-bred person. The dress may be plain, rich or extravagant, but there
+must be a neatness and cleanliness of the person. Whether a lady is
+possessed of few or many personal attractions, it is her duty at all
+times to appear tidy and clean, and to make herself as comely and
+attractive as circumstances and surroundings will permit. The same may
+be said of a gentleman. If a gentleman calls upon a lady, his duty and
+his respect for her demand that he shall appear not only in good
+clothes, but with well combed hair, exquisitely clean hands, well
+trimmed beard or cleanly shaven face, while the lady will not show
+herself in an untidy dress, or disheveled hair. They should appear at
+their best.
+
+Upon the minor details of the toilet depend, in a great degree, the
+health, not to say the beauty, of the individual. In fact the highest
+state of health is equivalent to the highest degree of beauty of which
+the individual is capable.
+
+
+PERFUMES.
+
+Perfumes, if used at all, should be used in the strictest moderation,
+and be of the most _recherche_ kind. Musk and patchouli should always be
+avoided, as, to many people of sensitive temperament, their odor is
+exceedingly disagreeable. Cologne water of the best quality is never
+offensive.
+
+
+THE BATH.
+
+Cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity. Cleanliness of the
+person is health, and health is beauty. The bath is consequently a very
+important means of preserving the health and enhancing the beauty. It is
+not to be supposed that we bathe simply to become clean, but because we
+wish to remain clean. Cold water refreshes and invigorates, but does not
+cleanse, and persons who daily use a sponge bath in the morning, should
+frequently use a warm one, of from ninety-six to one hundred degrees
+Fahrenheit for cleansing purposes. When a plunge bath is taken, the
+safest temperature is from eighty to ninety degrees, which answers the
+purposes of both cleansing and refreshing. Soap should be plentifully
+used, and the fleshbrush applied vigorously, drying with a coarse
+Turkish towel. Nothing improves the complexion like the daily use of the
+fleshbrush, with early rising and exercise in the open air.
+
+In many houses, in large cities, there is a separate bath-room, with hot
+and cold water, but in smaller places and country houses this
+convenience is not to be found. A substitute for the bath-room is a
+large piece of oil-cloth, which can be laid upon the floor of an
+ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath tub or basin,
+or a person may use it to stand upon while taking a sponge bath. The
+various kinds of baths, both hot and cold, are the shower bath, the
+douche, the hip bath and the sponge bath.
+
+The shower bath can only be endured by the most vigorous constitutions,
+and therefore cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use.
+
+A douche or hip bath may be taken every morning, with the temperature of
+the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a sponge
+bath may be taken upon retiring. Once a week a warm bath, at from ninety
+to one hundred degrees, may be taken, with plenty of soap, in order to
+thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. Rough towels should be
+vigorously used after these baths, not only to remove the impurities of
+the skin but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the
+whole body. The hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in
+the bath before the towel is applied.
+
+
+THE TEETH.
+
+The teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after each meal,
+and also on retiring at night. Use the brush so that not only the
+outside of the teeth becomes white, but the inside also. After the
+brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of water, then
+rub it quite dry on a towel.
+
+Use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly. Castile soap used once a
+day, with frequent brushings with pure water and a brush, cannot fail to
+keep the teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and destroyed
+by other bad habits, such as the use of tobacco, or too hot or too cold
+drinks.
+
+
+DECAYED TEETH.
+
+On the slightest appearance of decay or tendency to accumulate tartar,
+go at once to the dentist. If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is
+neglected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A
+dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage, will remove the decayed
+part and plug the cavity in a proper manner.
+
+
+TARTAR ON THE TEETH.
+
+Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires equally early
+attention. It results from an impaired state of the general health, and
+assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At
+first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of
+the tooth brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is necessary
+to have it chipped off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it
+will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it
+fixes, and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect--that
+of tainting the breath. Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush
+is used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar.
+
+Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are subject, may sometimes
+be met by the use of salt and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth
+frequently with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it.
+
+
+FOUL BREATH.
+
+Foul breath, unless caused by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged
+state of the system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other local
+case, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of
+lime in half a tumbler of water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting
+the breath, may be glad to know that the common parsley has a peculiar
+effect in removing the odor of tobacco.
+
+
+THE SKIN.
+
+Beauty and health of the skin can only be obtained by perfect
+cleanliness of the entire person, an avoidance of all cosmetics, added
+to proper diet, correct habits and early habits of rising and exercise.
+The skin must be thoroughly washed, occasionally with warm water and
+soap, to remove the oily exudations on its surface. If any unpleasant
+sensations are experienced after the use of soap, they may be
+immediately removed by rinsing the surface with water to which a little
+lemon juice or vinegar has been added.
+
+
+PRESERVING A YOUTHFUL COMPLEXION.
+
+The following rules may be given for the preservation of a youthful
+complexion: Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use
+plenty of cold water and good soap frequently. Be moderate in eating and
+drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere
+of crowded assemblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The
+latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have
+in view.
+
+
+MOLES.
+
+Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face, but they should
+not be tampered with in any way. The only safe and certain mode of
+getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation.
+
+
+FRECKLES.
+
+Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine,
+and consequently evanescent, are denominated "summer freckles;" those
+which are constitutional and permanent are called "cold freckles." With
+regard to the latter, it is impossible to give any advice which will be
+of value. They result from causes not to be affected by mere external
+applications. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with, and
+with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of
+disfigurement. Some skins are so delicate that they become freckled on
+the slightest exposure to open air in summer. The cause assigned for
+this is that the iron in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen,
+leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give in their
+appropriate places some recipes for removing these latter freckles from
+the face.
+
+
+OTHER DISCOLORATIONS.
+
+There are various other discolorations of the skin, proceeding
+frequently from derangement of the system. The cause should always be
+discovered before attempting a remedy; otherwise you may aggravate the
+complaint rather than cure it.
+
+
+THE EYES.
+
+Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can owe little to the toilet.
+As in the eye consists much of the expression of the face, therefore it
+should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a
+pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and
+beautify the soul, and then this beautiful soul will look through its
+natural windows.
+
+Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroying them. All
+daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar.
+
+
+SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS.
+
+Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. It may be acquired by
+bad habits in youth. A short-sighted person should supply himself with
+glasses exactly adapted to his wants; but it is well not to use these
+glasses too constantly, as, even when they perfectly fit the eye, they
+really tend to shorten the sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it
+is best to keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordinarily to
+the unaided eye. Parents and teachers should watch their children and
+see that they do not acquire the habit of holding their books too close
+to their eyes, and thus injure their sight.
+
+
+SQUINT-EYES AND CROSS-EYES.
+
+Parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint
+or cross-eyed through any carelessness. A child's hair hanging down
+loosely over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over them, or a
+loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead, is sometimes
+sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently
+crossed.
+
+
+THE EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.
+
+A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may
+be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be
+taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that
+the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye. The eyebrows may be
+brushed carefully in the direction in which they should lie. In general,
+it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows, for it
+usually brings them into disharmony with the hair and features. There
+are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is
+utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases one can hardly
+be blamed if India ink is resorted to to give them the desired color.
+Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty in no way, and may result
+in an irregular growth of new hair.
+
+
+TAKE CARE OF THE EYES.
+
+The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be
+strained in an imperfect light, whether that of shrouded daylight,
+twilight or flickering lamp or candle-light. Many persons have an idea
+that an habitually dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it
+weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of
+the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of
+day, and the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will
+be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight.
+
+
+EYEBROWS MEETING.
+
+Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually
+considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a
+consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style
+of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is useless to
+pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like
+that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than
+the hair.
+
+
+INFLAMED EYES.
+
+If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, do not seek to remove
+the scales roughly, for they will bring the lashes with them. Apply at
+night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, and wash
+them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It is well to have on
+the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is
+simple and well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and wash off
+with rose-water in the morning. There is a simple lotion made by
+dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the
+same size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold
+and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it.
+
+
+THE STY.
+
+A sty in the eye is irritating and disfiguring. Bathe with warm water;
+at night apply a bread-and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick
+it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be obstinate, a little
+citrine ointment may be applied, care being taken that it does not get
+into the eye.
+
+
+THE HAIR.
+
+There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an individual, especially
+a lady, as a good head of hair. The skin of the head requires even more
+tenderness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body, and is
+capable of being irritated by disease. The hair should be brushed
+carefully. The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The
+hair should be separated, in order that the head itself may be well
+brushed, as by doing so the scurf is removed, and that is most
+essential, as it is not only unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered
+to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration, and tends to weaken
+the roots of the hair, so that it is easily pulled out. In brushing or
+combing, begin at the extreme points, and in combing, hold the portion
+of hair just above that through which the comb is passing, firmly
+between the first and second fingers, so that if it is entangled it may
+drag from that point, and not from the roots. The finest head of hair
+may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and
+dragging it in a reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus
+created, and become very troublesome.
+
+
+THE USE OF HAIR OILS.
+
+Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. A white, concrete oil
+pertains naturally to the covering of the human head, but some persons
+have it in more abundance than others. Those whose hair is glossy and
+shining need nothing to render it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor
+and dry, artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who perspire
+freely, or who accumulate scurf rapidly, require it also. Nothing is
+simpler or better in the way of oil than pure, unscented salad oil, and
+in the way of a pomatum, bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. Apply
+either with the hands, or keep a soft brush for the purpose, but take
+care not to use the oil too freely. An overoiled head of hair is vulgar
+and offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil applied to the hair.
+It is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at
+night after brushing it, in order to remove the oil before laying the
+head upon the pillow.
+
+Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair. Ammonia
+diluted in water is still better.
+
+The hair-brush should be frequently washed in diluted ammonia.
+
+For removing scurf, glycerine, diluted with a little rose-water, will be
+found of service. Any preparation of rosemary forms an agreeable and
+highly cleansing wash. The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an
+excellent application to the scalp. Many heads of hair require nothing
+more in the way of wash than soap and water. Beware of letting the hair
+grow too long, as the points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to
+have the ends clipped off once a month.
+
+Young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up, if
+they would have it then in its best condition.
+
+
+DYEING THE HAIR.
+
+A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is almost impossible
+to give the hair a tint which harmonizes with the complexion. If the
+hair begins to change early, and the color goes in patches, procure from
+the druggist's a preparation of the husk of the walnut water of _eau
+crayon_. This will, by daily application, darken the tint of the hair
+without actually dyeing it. When the change of color has gone on to any
+great extent, it is better to abandon the application and put up with
+the change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in accordance with
+the change of the face. Indeed, there is nothing more beautiful than
+soft, white hair worn in bands or clustering curls about the face. The
+walnut water may be used for toning down too red hair.
+
+
+BALDNESS.
+
+Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, owing, no doubt, to
+the use of the close hat, which confines and overheats the head. If the
+hair is found to be falling out, the first thing to do is to look to the
+hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no
+greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat. It is best to lay
+this hat aside altogether and adopt a light felt or straw in its place.
+
+Long, flowing hair on a man is not in good taste, and will indicate him
+to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic
+character--a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others with the fact
+that he is eccentric, something which a really eccentric person never
+attempts.
+
+
+THE BEARD.
+
+Those who shave should be careful to do so every morning. Nothing looks
+worse than a shabby beard. Some persons whose beards are strong should
+shave twice a day, especially if they are going to a party in the
+evening.
+
+The style of the growth of the beard should be governed by the character
+of the face. But whatever the style be, the great point is to keep it
+well brushed and trimmed, and to avoid any appearance of wildness or
+inattention. The full, flowing beard of course requires more looking
+after in the way of cleanliness, than any other. It should be thoroughly
+washed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to accumulate
+in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's
+self as well as to others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to
+avoid the use of oil or pomatum. The moustache should be worn neatly and
+not over-large. There is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the
+full beard if carefully and neatly kept.
+
+
+THE HAND.
+
+The beautiful hand is long and slender, with tapering fingers and pink,
+filbert-shaped nails. The hand to be in proper proportion to the rest of
+the body, should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of
+the hair on the forehead.
+
+The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and therefore should be
+very frequently washed--not merely rinsed in soap and water, but
+thoroughly lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In cold
+weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjectionable, after which the
+hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a
+fine towel.
+
+Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and rub them briskly for
+some time afterward. When this is not sufficiently attended to in cold
+weather, the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub a few drops of
+honey over them when dry, or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine
+before going to bed.
+
+
+CHAPPED HANDS.
+
+As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands, so the winter
+season brings with it a cure for them. A thorough washing in snow and
+soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands, and leave them
+beautifully soft.
+
+
+TO MAKE THE HANDS WHITE AND DELICATE.
+
+Should you wish to make your hands white and delicate, you might wash
+them in milk and water for a day or two. On retiring to rest, rub them
+well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves. The
+hands should be thoroughly washed with hot water and soap the next
+morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn during the day. They
+should be frequently rubbed together to promote circulation. Sunburnt
+hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF WARTS.
+
+Warts, which are more common with young people than with adults, are
+very unsightly, and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best
+plan is to buy a stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and
+case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and touch the
+wart every morning and evening, care being taken to cut away the
+withered skin before repeating the operation. A still better plan is to
+apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's hair pencil to the
+summit of the wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch
+any of the surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or hand at the
+base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation.
+
+
+THE NAILS.
+
+Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentleman, however well
+dressed they may otherwise be, with unclean nails. It always results
+from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet,
+which is most reprehensible. The nails should be cut about once a
+week--certainly not oftener. This should be accomplished just after
+washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should be taken not
+to cut them too short, though, if they are left too long, they will
+frequently get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the
+corners. Recollect the filbert-shaped nail is considered the most
+beautiful. Never bite the nails; it not only is a most disagreeable
+habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, deformed and difficult to
+clean, besides gives a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips.
+
+Some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it
+grows. This may be pressed down by the towel after washing; or should
+that not prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge with some
+blunt instrument. On no account scrape the nails with a view to
+polishing their surface. Such an operation only tends to make them
+wrinkled.
+
+Absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty, which requires
+that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure. With
+proper care the hand may be retained beautiful, soft and shapely, and
+yet perform its fair share of labor. The hands should always be
+protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them.
+Gloves are imperatively required for garden-work. The hands should
+always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If
+they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or
+lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth at once.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR MOIST HANDS.
+
+People afflicted with moist hands should revolutionize their habits,
+take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a
+nutritious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic of
+some sort. Local applications of starch-powder and the juice of lemon
+may be used to advantage.
+
+
+THE FEET.
+
+A well formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes well spread, each
+separate toe perfect and rounded in form. The nails are regular and
+perfect in shape as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a
+little beyond the others, and the first, or big toe, stands slightly
+apart from the rest and is slightly lifted. The feet, from the
+circumstance of their being so much confined by boots and shoes, require
+more care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they do not always
+get this care. The hands receive frequent washings every day. Once a
+week is quite as often as many people can bestow the same attention upon
+their feet. A tepid bath at about 80 or 90 degrees, should be used. The
+feet may remain in the water about five minutes, and the instant they
+are taken out they should be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well
+rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the water. Few
+things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk, or
+getting wet in the feet, than a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a
+pair of easy shoes. After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails,
+as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in
+warm water.
+
+
+TREATMENT FOR MOIST OR DAMP FEET.
+
+Some persons are troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises
+more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, and the
+greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it.
+Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm
+water, after which they should put on clean socks. Should this fail to
+cure, they may, after being washed as above, be rinsed, and then
+thoroughly rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water
+and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda.
+
+
+BLISTERS ON THE FEET.
+
+People who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters. The best
+preventative of these is to have easy, well-fitting boots and woolen
+socks. Should blisters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large
+darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise,
+leaving an inch or so of the thread outside at each end. This keeps the
+scurf-skin close to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt
+entering. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin remains until
+the new one grows. A blister should not be punctured save in this
+manner, as it may degenerate into a sore and become very troublesome.
+
+
+CHILBLAINS.
+
+To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules:
+1. Avoid getting the feet wet; if they become so, change the shoes and
+stockings at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never
+under any circumstances "toast your toes" before the fire, especially if
+you are very cold. Frequent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of
+alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains. On the first
+indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would
+be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a
+little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in
+camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and
+retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily
+with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, with half the
+quantity in weight of oil of turpentine.
+
+
+THE TOE NAILS.
+
+The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-nails, but they should
+be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight. They are much
+more subject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to
+their confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at the
+sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint introduced
+beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the nail itself scraped
+longitudinally.
+
+Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers. Keep them a
+moderate length--long enough to protect the toe, but not so long as to
+cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is
+too frequently the practice. Be careful not to destroy the spongy
+substance below the nails, as that is the great guard to prevent them
+going into the quick.
+
+
+CORNS.
+
+It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose, easy-fitting
+shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns. Some people are more
+liable to corns than others, and some will persist in the use of
+tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns.
+
+
+HOW TO HAVE SHOES MADE.
+
+The great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too
+narrow. If one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should
+go to the shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of
+paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact
+size of his foot, and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad
+as this outlined foot.
+
+Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet
+have been the high, narrow heels so much worn lately. They make it
+difficult to walk, and even in some cases permanently cripple the feet.
+A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole and a heel of
+moderate height, say one-half an inch, as broad at the bottom as at the
+top.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII.
+
+Toilet Recipes.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FRECKLES.
+
+Bruise and squeeze the juice out of common chick-weed, and to this juice
+add three times its quantity of soft water. Bathe the skin with this for
+five or ten minutes morning and evening, and wash afterwards with clean
+water.
+
+Elder flowers treated and applied exactly in the same manner as above.
+When the flowers are not to be had, the distilled water from them, which
+may be procured from any druggist, will answer the purpose.
+
+A good freckle lotion is made of honey, one ounce, mixed with one pint
+of lukewarm water. Apply when cold.
+
+Carbonate of potassa, twenty grains; milk of almonds, three ounces; oil
+of sassafras, three drops. Mix and apply two or three times a day.
+
+One ounce of alcohol; half a dram salts tartar; one dram oil bitter
+almonds. Let stand for one day and apply every second day.
+
+
+FOR PIMPLES ON THE FACE.
+
+Wash the face in a solution composed of one teaspoonful of carbolic acid
+to a pint of water. This is an excellent purifying lotion, and may be
+used on the most delicate skin. Be careful not to get any of it in the
+eyes as it will weaken them.
+
+One tablespoonful of borax to half a pint of water is an excellent
+remedy for cutaneous eruptions, canker, ringworm, etc.
+
+Pulverize a piece of alum the size of a walnut, dissolve it in one ounce
+of lemon juice, and add one ounce of alcohol. Apply once or twice a day.
+
+Mix two ounces of rose-water with one dram of sulphate of zinc. Wet the
+face gently and let it dry. Then touch the affected part with cream.
+
+
+WASH FOR THE COMPLEXION.
+
+A teaspoonful of the flour of sulphur and a wine-glassful of lime-water,
+well shaken and mixed; half a wine-glass of glycerine and a wine-glass
+of rose water. Rub it on the face every night before going to bed. Shake
+well before using.
+
+Another prescription, used by hunters to keep away the black flies and
+mosquitoes, is said to leave the skin very clear and fair, and is as
+follows: Mix one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or
+almond oil, by heating the two together in a tin cup set in boiling
+water. Stir till completely mixed and smooth, putting in more oil if the
+compound is too thick to run easily. Rub this on the face when going to
+bed, and lay patches of soft cloth on the cheeks and forehead to keep
+the tar from rubbing off. The bed linen must be protected by cloth
+folded and thrown over the pillows.
+
+The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water; half an ounce of alum;
+half an ounce of sweet almonds; beat the whole together until it assumes
+the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or muslin mask, to be worn
+at night.
+
+Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine
+till it becomes a rich tincture. In using it pour fifteen drops into a
+glass of water, wash the face and hands and allow it to dry.
+
+
+BORACIC ACID FOR SKIN DISEASES.
+
+Boracic acid has been used with great success as an external application
+in the treatment of vegetable parasitic diseases of the skin. A solution
+of a dram of the acid to an ounce of water, or as much of the acid as
+the water will take up, is found to meet the requirements of the case
+satisfactorily. The affected parts should be well bathed in the solution
+twice a day and well rubbed.
+
+
+TO SOFTEN THE SKIN.
+
+Mix half an ounce of glycerine with half an ounce of alcohol, and add
+four ounces of rose-water. Shake well together and it is ready for use.
+This is a splendid remedy for chapped hands.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR RINGWORM.
+
+Apply a solution of the root of common narrow-leafed dock, which belongs
+to the botanical genus of _Rumex_. Use vinegar for the solvent.
+
+Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a walnut, in one
+ounce of water. Apply night and morning for a couple of days, and it
+will disappear.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SUNBURN.
+
+Take two drams of borax, one dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an
+ounce of sugar-candy, and a pound of ox-gall. Mix and stir well for ten
+minutes, and stir it three or four times a fortnight. When clear and
+transparent, strain through a blotting paper and bottle for use.
+
+
+TO PREVENT HAIR FALLING OUT.
+
+Ammonia one ounce, rosemary one ounce, cantharides four drams,
+rose-water four ounces, glycerine one ounce. First wet the head with
+cold water, then apply the mixture, rubbing briskly.
+
+Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce,
+rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until it
+becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the
+hair twice a day.
+
+
+TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.
+
+Take two ounces of olive oil, four ounces of good bay rum, and one dram
+of the oil of almonds; mix and shake well. This will darken the hair.
+
+
+HAIR OILS.
+
+Mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol, and add two
+ounces of olive oil. Perfume to liking.
+
+
+TO MAKE POMADES FOR THE HAIR.
+
+Take the marrow out of a beef shank bone, melt it in a vessel placed
+over or in boiling water, then strain and scent to liking, with ottar of
+roses or other perfume.
+
+Unsalted lard five ounces, olive oil two and a half ounces, castor oil
+one-quarter ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti one-quarter ounce. These
+ingredients are to be liquified over a warm bath, and when cool, perfume
+to liking.
+
+Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a little almond oil or sweet oil, and
+scented with ottar of roses or other mild perfume.
+
+A transparent hair pomade is made as follows: Take half a pint of fine
+castor oil and an ounce of white wax. Stir until it gets cool enough to
+thicken, when perfume may be stirred in; geranium, bergamot or lemon oil
+may be used.
+
+
+GERMAN METHOD OF TREATING THE HAIR.
+
+The women of Germany have remarkably fine and luxuriant hair. The
+following is their method of managing it: About once in two or three
+weeks, boil for half an hour or more a large handful of bran in a quart
+of soft water; strain into a basin, and when tepid, rub into the water a
+little white soap. With this wash the head thoroughly, using a soft
+linen cloth or towel, thoroughly dividing the hair so as to reach the
+roots. Then take the yolk of an egg, slightly beaten in a saucer, and
+with the fingers rub it into the roots of the hair. Let it remain a few
+minutes, and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in pure
+water. Rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has disappeared from
+it, then wipe and rub it dry with a towel, and comb the hair from the
+head, parting it with the fingers, then apply some soft pomatum. In
+winter it is best to do all this in a warm room.
+
+
+TO KEEP THE HAIR FROM TURNING GREY.
+
+Take the hulls of butternuts, about four ounces, and infuse in a quart
+of water, and to this add half an ounce of copperas. Apply with a soft
+brush every two or three days. This preparation is harmless, and is far
+better than those dyes made of nitrate of silver.
+
+Oxide of bismuth four drams, spermaceti four drams, pure hog's lard four
+ounces. Melt the two last and add the first.
+
+
+TO CLEANSE THE HAIR AND SCALP.
+
+Beat up a fresh egg and rub it well into the hair, or if more
+convenient, rub it into the hair without beating. Rub the egg in until a
+lather is formed, occasionally wetting the hands in warm water softened
+by borax. By the time a lather is formed, the scalp is clean, then rinse
+the egg all out in a basin of warm water, containing a tablespoonful of
+powdered borax: after that rinse in a basin of clean water.
+
+
+HAIR WASH.
+
+Bay rum six ounces, aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce, bergamot
+oil six drops. Mix.
+
+
+TO MAKE THE HAIR GROW.
+
+If the head be perfectly bald, nothing will ever cause the hair to grow
+again. If the scalp be glossy, and no small hairs are discernible, the
+roots or follicles are dead, and can not be resuscitated. However if
+small hairs are to be seen, there is hope. Brush well, and bathe the
+bald spot three or four times a week with cold, soft water; carbonate of
+ammonia one dram, tincture of cantharides four drams, bay rum four
+ounces, castor oil two ounces. Mix well and use it every day.
+
+
+SEA FOAM OR DRY SHAMPOO.
+
+Take a pint of alcohol, half pint of bay rum, and half an ounce of
+spirits of ammonia, and one dram of salts tartar. Shake well together
+and it is ready for use. Pour a quantity on the head, rub well with the
+palm of the hand. It will produce a thick foam, and will cleanse the
+scalp. This is used generally by first-class barbers.
+
+
+BARBER'S SHAMPOO.
+
+To one pint of warm water add half an ounce of salts tartar. Cut up very
+fine a piece of castile soap, the size of two crackers, and mix it,
+shaking the mixture well, and it is ready for use.
+
+
+CLEANING GOLD JEWELRY.
+
+Gold ornaments may be kept bright and clean with soap and warm water,
+scrubbing them well with a soft nail brush. They may be dried in sawdust
+of box-wood. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way.
+
+
+TO LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILET BOTTLES.
+
+Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper and let the bottle stand a
+foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not
+too hard, with the handle of a hair brush. If this is not effectual, use
+a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is almost sure to
+succeed.
+
+
+TO MAKE BANDOLINE.
+
+Half a pint of water, rectified spirits with an equal quantity of water
+three ounces, gum tragacanth one and a half drams. Add perfume, let the
+mixture stand for a day or two and then strain.
+
+Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes,
+strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, corking tightly.
+
+Iceland moss one-fourth of an ounce, boiled in a quart of water, and a
+little rectified spirit added, so that it will keep.
+
+
+TO MAKE LIP-SALVE.
+
+Melt in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce
+each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and
+half an ounce of the oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool.
+Color red with alkanet root.
+
+
+TO CLEAN KID BOOTS.
+
+Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the composition
+may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to the kid with a
+piece of sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub dry with is the palm
+of the hand. When the kid shows symptoms of cracking, rub in a few drops
+of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with common
+blacking.
+
+
+TO CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS.
+
+In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt upon them
+with a sponge or flannel; then the boot should be rubbed lightly over
+with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed
+oil, both of which require to be warmed before being mixed. Polish with
+a soft cloth.
+
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK.
+
+Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a
+short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash
+the stained part with it and leave dry.
+
+Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will disappear.
+
+We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vitriol and other sharp
+corrosives, stain dyed garments. Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash
+to a soap-lather and passing the silks through these, the faded color
+will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone, but
+it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together.
+
+
+TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE.
+
+Use flower of sulphur as a tooth powder every night, rubbing the teeth
+and gums with a rather hard toothbrush. If done after dinner, too, all
+the better. It preserves the teeth and does not communicate any smell
+whatever to the mouth.
+
+
+HOW TO WHITEN LINEN.
+
+Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may be
+removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride
+of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. The parts
+subjected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft,
+clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediately dried in the sun.
+
+Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end.
+
+
+TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK.
+
+Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one ounce of
+oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently
+with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. To remove acid stains
+from silks, apply with a soft rag, spirits of ammonia.
+
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS.
+
+For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to the
+influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt are also
+good. As fast as the spots become dry, more should be rubbed on, and the
+garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. Some one of
+the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains, but a hot sun is
+necessary to render any one of them effectual.
+
+Scalding water will remove fruit stains. So also will hartshorn diluted
+with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several times.
+
+Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract
+them.
+
+Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, should be soaked in
+lukewarm sour milk.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR.
+
+Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate the spots with
+sweet oil or lard; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm place for
+an hour.
+
+
+TO EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS.
+
+Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a number of
+hours, then rub it between the hands; it will crumble away without
+injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or
+silk goods.
+
+
+TO CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS.
+
+Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses.
+Put the silk on a clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with
+a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and hang it
+up to dry without wringing. Iron it before it gets dry, on the wrong
+side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nicely.
+
+Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the
+color of most things. They should be dried in the open air and ironed
+when pretty dry.
+
+The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash
+black silks in; it stiffens and makes them glossy and black.
+
+Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in two suds and not
+rinsed in clean water.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES.
+
+If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near
+the stove, and thus had them burned, she can make them nearly as good as
+ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot, and
+then, when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the leather and
+prevents it drawing up.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR CORNS.
+
+Soak the feet for half an hour two or three nights successively in a
+pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali dissolves the
+indurated cuticle and the corn comes away, leaving a little cavity
+which, however, soon fills up.
+
+Corns between the toes are generally more painful than others, and are
+frequently so situated as to be almost inaccessible to the usual
+remedies. They may be cured by wetting them several times a day with
+spirits of ammonia.
+
+
+INFLAMED EYELIDS.
+
+Take a slice of stale bread, cut as thin as possible, toast both sides
+well, but do not burn it; when cold soak it in cold water, then put it
+between a piece of old linen and apply, changing when it gets warm.
+
+
+TO MAKE COLD CREAM.
+
+Melt in a jar two ounces of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of sweet oil. Add perfume to suit.
+
+Melt together an ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of oil of sweet almonds and half a pint of rose-water.
+Beat to a paste.
+
+
+TO MAKE ROSE-WATER.
+
+Take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesia.
+With these mix twelve drops of ottar of roses. Add a quart of water, two
+ounces of alcohol, mix in a gradual manner, and filter through blotting
+paper.
+
+
+HOW TO WASH LACES.
+
+Take a quart bottle and cover it over with the leg of a soft, firm
+stocking, sew it tightly above and below. Then wind the collar or lace
+smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and
+sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace, catching
+every loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in a
+pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a
+soft sponge. It must be rinsed well after the same manner in clean
+water. When the lace is clean, apply a very weak solution of gum arabic
+and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take off the lace very
+carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it between the
+white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a hurry, iron on flannel
+between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. Done up in this way, lace
+collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy
+look that they will not have otherwise.
+
+
+HOW TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR.
+
+The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be worn,
+will fade in course of time; and though they matched the natural hair
+perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the
+hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark brown calico.
+Boil it until the color has well come out into the water. Then into this
+water dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the operation
+until it shall be of the required depth of shade.
+
+
+PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER.
+
+When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard
+against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour
+sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco or
+snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers. Before putting your
+muffs away for the summer, twirl them by the cord at the ends, so that
+every hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of
+paper where the lid fits on.
+
+
+TO KEEP THE HAIR IN CURL.
+
+To keep the hair in curl take a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and
+add perfumery if you like; wet the hair with this and it will keep in
+curl longer than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good
+to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind.
+
+
+PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS.
+
+Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and
+spirits of turpentine; keep in a stone bottle and shake before using.
+Dip blotting paper in the liquid, and place in the box with the articles
+to be preserved.
+
+
+TO TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN.
+
+Wet the linen in soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape
+some fine chalk to powder, and rub it well into the linen; lay it out
+on the grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with soft water.
+Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will
+entirely disappear.
+
+
+CURE FOR IN-GROWING NAILS ON TOES.
+
+Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a lamp
+until it becomes very hot; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The
+effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at once be
+relieved. The operation causes very little pain if the tallow is
+perfectly heated. Perhaps a repetition may be necessary in some cases.
+
+
+TO REMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH.
+
+Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of winter
+green, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavendar. A little
+alkanet to color if you wish. Mix.
+
+
+TO CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH.
+
+Take equal parts of spirits hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall mixed with it
+makes it better.
+
+
+TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.
+
+Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the
+spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow: Then throw the linen
+into the wash.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FRUIT-STAINS.
+
+Moisten the parts stained with cold water; then hold it over the smoke
+of burning brimstone, and the stain will disappear. This will remove
+iron mould also.
+
+
+CLEANING SILVER.
+
+For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those
+pertaining to the toilet-table or dressing-case, there is nothing better
+than a spoonful of common whiting, carefully pounded so as to be without
+lumps, reduced to a paste with gin.
+
+
+TO REMOVE GREASE SPOTS.
+
+French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. Spots on
+silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over
+them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and passed over
+the paper.
+
+
+TO REMOVE A TIGHT RING.
+
+When a ring happens to get so tight on a finger that it cannot be
+removed, a piece of string, well soaped, may be wound tightly round the
+finger, commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the ring
+is reached. Then force the end of the twine between the ring and finger,
+and as the string is unwound, the ring will be gradually forced off.
+
+
+MOSQUITOES WARDED OFF.
+
+To ward off mosquitoes, apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops
+of carbolic acid to an ounce of glycerine. Mosquito bites may be
+instantly cured by touching them with the solution. Add two or three
+drops of the ottar of roses to disguise the smell. The pure, crystalized
+form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the common preparation.
+
+
+LINIMENT FOR THE FACE AFTER SHAVING.
+
+One ounce of lime water, one ounce of sweet oil, one drop oil of roses,
+is a good liniment for the face after shaving. Shake well before using.
+Apply with the forefinger.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SUNBURN.
+
+Wash thoroughly with milk of almonds, which can be obtained at the drug
+store.
+
+
+TO WHITEN THE FINGER NAILS.
+
+Take two drams of dilute sulphuric acid, one dram of the tincture of
+myrrh, four ounces of spring water, and mix in a bottle. After washing
+the hands, dip the fingers in a little of the mixture. Rings with stones
+or pearls in them should be removed before using this mixture.
+
+
+TO REMOVE TAN.
+
+Tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water.
+Beat it to a thick mass, spread it on the face, and let it remain a
+minute or two. Then wash off with castile soapsuds and rinse with soft
+water.
+
+
+TO CURE WARTS.
+
+Take a piece of raw beef steeped in vinegar for twenty-four hours, tie
+it on the part affected. Apply each night for two weeks.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR IN-GROWING TOE-NAILS.
+
+The best remedy for in-growing toe-nails is to cut a notch about the
+shape of a V in the end of the nail, about one-quarter the width of the
+nail from the in-growing side. Cut down as nearly to the quick as
+possible, and one-third the length of the nail. The pressure of the boot
+or shoe will tend to close the opening you have made in the nail, and
+this soon affords relief. Allow the in-growing portion of the nail to
+grow without cutting it, until it gets beyond the flesh.
+
+
+TO REMOVE WRINKLES.
+
+Melt one ounce of white wax, add two ounces of juice of lily-bulbs, two
+ounces of honey, two drams of rose-water, and a drop or two of ottar of
+roses. Use it twice a day.
+
+Put powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently hot to melt the
+gum gently, and when it liquefies, cover over your head with a napkin,
+and hold your face over the fumes at a distance that will cause you no
+inconvenience. If it produces headache, discontinue its use.
+
+In washing, use warm instead of cold water.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR CHAPPED HANDS.
+
+After washing with soap, rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them
+thoroughly, by applying Indian meal or rice flour.
+
+Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and white
+brandy half a pint.
+
+Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine, and apply
+freely at night.
+
+
+TO CURE CHILBLAINS.
+
+Two tablespoonfuls of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it
+as thick as lard. Rub the chilblains with the mixture and dry it in,
+then wrap up in linen.
+
+Bathe the chilblains in strong alum water, as hot as it can be borne.
+
+When indications of the chilblains first present themselves, take
+vinegar three ounces and camphorated spirits of wine one ounce; mix and
+rub on the parts affected.
+
+Bathe the feet in warm water, in which two or three handsful of common
+salt have been dissolved.
+
+Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt.
+
+
+HAIR RESTORATIVE.
+
+The oil of mace one-half ounce, mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol,
+is a powerful stimulant for the hair. To apply it, pour a spoonful or
+two into a saucer, dip a stiff brush into it and brush the hair and head
+smartly.
+
+On bald heads, if hair will start at all, it may be stimulated by
+friction with a piece of flannel till the skin becomes red. Repeat this
+process three times a day, until the hair begins to grow, when the
+tincture may be applied but once a day, till the growth is well
+established. The head should be bathed in cold water every morning, and
+briskly brushed to bring the blood to the surface.
+
+
+WASH FOR THE TEETH.
+
+Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water. Before the
+water is quite cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor. Bottle
+the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the mixture, added to half a pint
+of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution used
+daily, beautifies and preserves the teeth.
+
+
+FOE WHITENING THE HANDS.
+
+A wine-glass of cologne and one of lemon-juice strained clear. Scrape
+two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder and mix well in a mould.
+When hard, it is fit for use, and will be found excellent for whitening
+the hands.
+
+Wear during the night, large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or
+oatmeal, and tied closely at the wrist. Persons who have a great deal of
+house-work to do, may keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or
+oatmeal mittens.
+
+
+TO REDUCE THE FLESH.
+
+A strong decoction of sassafras, drank frequently, will reduce the flesh
+as rapidly as any remedy known. A strong infusion is made at the rate of
+an ounce of sassafras to a quart of water. Boil it half an hour very
+slowly, and let it stand till cold, heating again if desired. Keep it
+from the air.
+
+
+SMOOTH AND SOFT HANDS.
+
+A few drops of glycerine thoroughly rubbed over the hands, after washing
+them, will keep them smooth and soft.
+
+
+TO MAKE TINCTURE OF ROSES.
+
+Take the leaves of the common rose and place, without pressing them, in
+a glass bottle, then pour some spirits of wine on them, close the bottle
+and let it stand till required for use. Its perfume is nearly equal to
+that of ottar of roses.
+
+
+SOFT CORNS.
+
+A weak solution of carbolic acid will heal soft corns between the toes.
+
+
+BURNED EYEBROWS.
+
+Five grains sulphate of quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol, will,
+if applied, cause eyebrows to grow when burned off by the fire.
+
+
+TO RESTORE GRAY HAIR.
+
+A recipe for restoring gray hair to its natural color, said to be very
+effective when the hair is changing color, is as follows: One pint of
+water, one ounce tincture of acetate of iron, half an ounce of
+glycerine, and five grains sulphuret potassium. Mix and let the bottle
+stand open until the smell of the potassium has disappeared, then add a
+few drops of ottar of roses. Rub a little into the hair daily, and it
+will restore its color and benefit the health.
+
+Bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt, is said to restore
+gray hair in some cases. Make the solution two heaping tablespoonfuls of
+salt to a quart of boiling water, and let it stand until cold before
+using.
+
+A solution made of a tablespoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of
+water is also recommended, wash the head thoroughly with the solution
+and brush the hair while wet.
+
+
+TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILKS.
+
+Make a solution of two ounces of essence of lemon, and one ounce oil of
+turpentine. Rub the silk gently with linen cloth, dipped in the
+solution.
+
+To remove acid stains from silk, apply spirits of ammonia with a soft
+rag.
+
+
+TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.
+
+Dip the spotted part of the linen in clean, pure melted tallow, before
+being washed.
+
+
+TO REMOVE DISCOLORATION BY BRUISING.
+
+Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water, and renew
+frequently until the pain ceases.
+
+
+TO CLEAN KID GLOVES.
+
+Make a solution of one quart of distilled benzine with one-fourth of an
+ounce of carbonate of ammonia, one-fourth of an ounce of fluid
+chloroform, one-fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether. Pour a small
+quantity into a saucer, put on the gloves, and wash, as if washing the
+hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Rub them clean
+and as dry as possible with a clean dry cloth, and take them off and
+hang them where there is a good current of air to dry. This solution is
+also excellent for cleaning ribbons, silks, etc., and is perfectly
+harmless to the most delicate tints. Do not get near the fire when
+using, as the benzine is very inflammable.
+
+Washing the gloves in turpentine, the same as above, is also a good
+means of cleaning them.
+
+
+PERSPIRATION.
+
+To remove the unpleasant odor produced by perspiration, put two
+tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit of ammonia in a basin of water,
+and use it for bathing. It leaves the skin clear, sweet and fresh as one
+could wish. It is perfectly harmless, very cheap, and is recommended on
+the authority of an experienced physician.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FLESH WORMS.
+
+Flesh worms, or little black specks, which appear on the nose, may be
+removed by washing in warm water, drying with a towel, and applying a
+wash of cologne and liquor of potash, made of three ounces of the
+former to one ounce of the latter.
+
+
+CHAPPED LIPS.
+
+Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, spermaceti half an ounce;
+melt in a glass vessel, stirring with a wooden spoon, and pour into a
+china or glass cup.
+
+
+RECIPES FOR THE CARE OF THE TEETH.
+
+A remedy for unsound gums, is a gargle made of one ounce of coarsely
+powdered Peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks.
+Put a teaspoonful of this into a tablespoonful of water, and gargle the
+mouth twice a day.
+
+The ashes of stale bread, thoroughly burned, is said to make a good
+dentifrice.
+
+The teeth should be carefully brushed after every meal, as a means of
+preserving a sweet breath. In addition, a small piece of licorice may be
+dissolved in the mouth, which corrects the effects of indigestion.
+Licorice has no smell, but simply corrects ill-flavored odor.
+
+A good way to clean teeth is to dip the brush in water, rub it over
+white castile soap, then dip it in prepared chalk, and brush the teeth
+briskly.
+
+To beautify the teeth, dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of
+boiling water, and before it is cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of
+camphor; bottle for use. Use a teaspoonful of this with an equal
+quantity of warm water.
+
+
+TO MAKE COLD CREAM.
+
+Five ounces oil of sweet almonds, three ounces spermaceti, half an ounce
+of white wax, and three to five drops ottar of roses. Melt together in a
+shallow dish over hot water. Strain through a piece of muslin when
+melted, and as it begins to cool, beat it with a silver spoon until cold
+and snowy white. For the hair use seven ounces of oil of almonds instead
+of five.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH.
+
+Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt, pulverize it and mix it
+well. Wash the teeth in the morning and rub them well with the powder.
+
+
+TO CLEANSE THE TEETH AND GUMS.
+
+Take an ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tablespoonfuls of honey, and
+a little green sage in very fine powder; mix them well together, and wet
+the teeth and gums with a little, twice a day.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV.
+
+Sports, Games, Amusements.
+
+
+There is a great variety of games, sports and amusements for both
+out-door and in-door entertainment, in which both sexes mingle for
+pleasure, and brief mention is here made of some of these.
+
+
+ARCHERY.
+
+The interest that has been recently awakened in this country in archery,
+is worthy of mention. As a graceful, healthful and innocent sport, it
+has no equal among any of the games that have been introduced, where
+both sexes participate. Our young and middle aged ladies too often
+neglect out-door physical exertion, which is essential to acquiring
+strength of limbs and muscle, and a gracefulness of carriage which is
+dependent thereon. It is a mistaken idea that with youth all indulgence
+in physical recreation should cease. On the contrary, such exercises as
+are most conducive to health, and are attended with pleasure, might
+with propriety be kept up by young women as well as by young men, as a
+means of retaining strength and elasticity of the muscles; and, instead
+of weak, trembling frames and broken down constitutions, in the prime of
+life, a bright, vigorous old age would be the reward. The pursuit of
+archery is recommended to both young and old, male and female, as having
+advantages far superior to any of the out-door games and exercises, as a
+graceful and invigorating pastime, developing in ladies a strong
+constitution, perfection of sight at long range, and above all,
+imparting to the figure a graceful appearance and perfect action of the
+limbs and chest. Let the women of this country devote some of their
+spare hours to this pleasant, health-giving sport, and their reward will
+be bright, ruddy faces, elasticity of movement, and strong and vigorous
+constitutions.
+
+
+IMPLEMENTS FOR ARCHERY.
+
+For the purposes of archery, the implements required are the bow,
+arrows, targets, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm-guard or brace, a
+shooting glove or finger tip, and a scoring card.
+
+The bow is from five to six feet long, made of lancewood or locust.
+Spanish yew is considered the choicest, next comes the Italian, then the
+English yew; lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are used more
+than any other. In choosing a bow, get the best you can afford, it will
+prove the cheapest in the end. Men should use bows six feet long,
+pulling from forty to sixty pounds, and ladies bows of five feet or
+five feet six inches in length, and pulling from twenty-five to forty
+pounds. The arrows are generally of uniform thickness throughout, and
+are made of pine; the finest grades being made of white deal, with sharp
+points of iron or brass. They are from 25 to 30 inches in length. The
+quiver belt is worn round the waist, and contains the arrows which are
+being used. The arm is protected from the blow of the string by the
+"arm-guard," a broad guard of strong leather buckled on the left wrist
+by two straps. A shooting-glove is worn on the right hand to protect the
+fingers from soreness in drawing the string of the bow.
+
+The target consists of a circular, thick mat of straw, from two to four
+feet in diameter, covered with canvas, painted in a series of circles.
+The inner circle is a gold color, then comes red, white, black, and the
+outer circle white. The score for a gold hit is nine; the red 7, the
+inner white 5; the black 3, and the outer white 1.
+
+The use of the bow and arrows, the proper manner of holding them, and
+directions for shooting are to be found in pamphlets of instruction,
+which often accompany the implements.
+
+
+ARCHERY CLUBS AND PRACTICE.
+
+In many cities and villages throughout the country, clubs have been
+formed, and regular days for practice and prize shooting are appointed.
+Each member of the the club is expected to furnish his or her own
+implements, and to attend all the practice meetings and prize
+shootings. The clubs are about equally divided as to ladies and
+gentlemen, as both sexes participate equally in the sport. The officers
+are such as are usually chosen in all organizations, with the addition
+of a Lady Paramount, a scorer, and a Field Marshal. The lady paramount
+is the highest office of honor in the club. She is expected to act as an
+umpire or judge in all matters of dispute that may come up in the club,
+and her decisions must be regarded as final. She is also expected to do
+all in her power to further the interests of the organization. A field
+marshal has been appointed by some clubs, and his duties are to place
+the targets, measure the shooting distances, and have general
+supervision of the field on practice days. The scorer keeps a score of
+each individual member of the club.
+
+In meeting for practice, it is customary to have one target for every
+six, eight or ten persons, the latter number being sufficient for any
+one target. The targets are placed at any distance required, from thirty
+to one hundred yards; ladies being allowed an advantage of about
+one-fourth the distance in shooting. To beginners, a distance of from
+twenty-five to forty yards for gentlemen, and twenty to thirty for
+ladies, is sufficient, and this distance may be increased as practice is
+acquired. An equal number of ladies and gentlemen usually occupy one
+target, and each shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon,
+usually from three to six, a score being kept as the target is hit.
+After each person has shot the allotted number of arrows, it is
+regarded as an "end," and a certain number of ends, as agreed upon,
+constitute a "round." For prize shooting, the National Archery
+Association has established three rounds, known as the "York Round," the
+"American Round," and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies). The "York
+Round" consists of 72 arrows at 100 yards, 48 at 80 yards, and 24 at 60
+yards. The "American Round" consists of 30 arrows, each at 60, 50 and 40
+yards respectively, and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies), 24 arrows,
+each at 50, 40 and 30 yards respectively. A captain is appointed for
+each target, who designates a target scorer, and the gentleman who makes
+the largest score, is appointed captain of the target at the succeeding
+meeting. The target scorer, at the close of the round, hands the score
+to the official scorer, who announces the result at the next meeting of
+the club. Some clubs have adopted the plan of having every alternate
+meeting for prize shooting, awarding some small token to the lady and
+gentleman who makes the highest scores.
+
+Ladies' costume for archery may be more brilliant than for an ordinary
+walking dress, and are usually trimmed with green and gold color, and in
+many cases a green jacket is worn. The costumes are short enough for
+convenience in movement, and made so as to give free and easy movement
+of the arms.
+
+
+LAWN-TENNIS.
+
+Amongst all games, none, perhaps can so justly lay claim to the honor of
+antiquity as tennis. The ancient Greeks played it, the Romans knew it
+as _pila_, and ever since those days, with little intermission, the game
+has been played in many European countries. After a long season of rest,
+the game has now re-appeared in all the freshness of renewed youth.
+There are many points to be said to commend tennis. Both ladies and
+gentlemen can join in the game, and often the palm will be borne off by
+the "weaker, yet fairer" sex. The exercise required to enjoy the game is
+not in any way of an exhausting character, and affords ladies a training
+in graceful and charming movements. Lawn-tennis may be played either in
+summer or winter, and in cold weather, if the ground be dry, is a very
+agreeable out-door recreation. At a croquet or garden party it is
+certainly a desideratum.
+
+The requisites for playing lawn-tennis, are a lawn or level surface
+about 45 by 100 feet, as the "court" upon which the playing is done is
+27 by 78 feet. A net four or five feet in height and 27 feet long,
+divides the court. A ball made of india rubber and covered with cloth,
+and a "racket" for each player are the implements needed for playing.
+The racket is used for handling the ball, and is about two feet in
+length, with net work at the outer end, by means of which the ball is
+tossed from one place to another. Rules for playing the game are
+obtained with the implements needed, which can be procured from dealers
+in such lines of goods.
+
+
+CROQUET.
+
+The game of croquet is played by opposite parties, of one or more on a
+side, each player being provided with a mallet and her own ball which
+are distinguished by their color.
+
+The players in their turn place their ball a mallet's length from the
+starting stake, and strike it with the mallet, the object being to pass
+it through the first one or two hoops. The turning or upper stake must
+be struck with the ball before the player can pass her ball through the
+returning hoops, and on returning to the starting point the ball must
+hit the starting stake before the player is the winner. The one who
+passes through all the hoops and gets her ball to the starting stake
+first is the winner. We do not give the rules of the game as each
+croquet set is accompanied by a complete set of rules.
+
+Where four are playing, two of whom are gentlemen, one lady and
+gentleman usually play as partners. As it is the height of ill-manners
+to display any rudeness, no lady or gentleman will be so far forgetful
+as to become angry should the opposing parties be found "cheating."
+
+Invitations to a croquet party may be of the same form as invitations to
+any other party.
+
+
+BOATING.
+
+Where there is a sufficiently large body or stream of water to admit of
+it, boating is a very enjoyable recreation, which may be pursued by both
+ladies and gentlemen. There is much danger in sailing, and the proper
+management of a sail-boat requires considerable tact and experience.
+Rowing is safer, but caution should be observed in not over-loading the
+boat. A gentleman should not invite ladies to ride on the water unless
+he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat. Rowing is a healthful and
+delightful recreation, and many ladies become expert and skillful at it.
+Every gentleman should have some knowledge of rowing, as it is easily
+acquired. If a gentleman who is inexperienced in rowing, goes out with
+other gentlemen in a boat, he should refrain from any attempt to row, as
+he will only display his awkwardness, and render the ride uncomfortable
+to his companions.
+
+In rowing with a friend, it is polite to offer him the "stroke" oar,
+which is the post of honor.
+
+When two gentlemen take a party of ladies out for a row, one stands in
+the boat to steady it and offer assistance to the ladies in getting
+seated, and the other aids from the wharf.
+
+A lady's dress for rowing should be one which will give perfect freedom
+to her arm; a short skirt, stout boots, and hat with sufficient brim to
+protect her face from the sun.
+
+
+PICNICS.
+
+While ladies and gentlemen never forget their good manners, and are
+always polite and courteous, yet at picnics they are privileged to relax
+many of the forms and ceremonies required by strict etiquette. Here men
+and women mingle for a day of pleasure in the woods or fields, or on
+the water, and it is the part of all who attend to do what they can for
+their own and their neighbor's enjoyment. Hence, formal introductions
+and other ceremonies need not stand in the way of enjoyment either by
+ladies or gentlemen, and at the same time no act of rudeness should
+occur to mar the pleasure of the occasion. It is the duty of gentlemen
+to do all they can to make the occasion enjoyable and even mirthful.
+They should also look to providing the means of conveyance to and from
+the spot selected for the festivities, make such arrangements as are
+necessary in the way of providing music, games, boats, and whatever else
+is needed to enhance the pleasure of the day. The ladies provide the
+luncheon or dinner, which is spread upon the grass or eaten out of their
+baskets, and at which the restraints of the table are withdrawn. At
+picnics, gentlemen become the servants as well as the escorts and guides
+of the ladies, and perform such services for ladies in the way of
+procuring flowers, carrying baskets, climbing trees, baiting their
+fish-hooks, and many other things as are requested of them.
+
+
+PRIVATE THEATRICALS.
+
+Private theatricals may be made very pleasing and instructive
+entertainments for fall or winter evenings, among either young or
+married people. They include charades, proverbs, tableaux, dramatic
+readings, and the presentation of a short dramatical piece, and may
+successfully be given in the parlor or drawing room. The hostess seeks
+the aid of friends in the preparation of her arrangements, and if a
+drama has been determined upon, she assigns the various parts to each.
+Her friends should aid her in her efforts by giving her all the
+assistance they can, and by willingly and good-naturedly complying with
+any request she may make, accepting the parts allotted to them, even if
+they are obscure or distasteful. They should endeavor to perform their
+part in any dramatical piece, tableau or charade as well as possible,
+and the success they achieve will determine how conspicuous a part they
+may be called upon to perform at a subsequent time. The hostess should
+consult each performer before alloting a part, and endeavor to suit each
+one. The host or hostess should not have any conspicuous part assigned
+them, unless it is urged by all the other performers. Those who are to
+participate, should not only learn their parts, but endeavor to imbue
+themselves with the spirit of the character they personate, so as to
+afford pleasure to all who are invited to witness its performance. When
+persons have consented to participate in any such entertainment, only
+sickness or some very grave cause should prevent them from undertaking
+their part. Supper or refreshments usually follow private theatricals,
+of which both the performers and invited guests are invited to partake,
+and the remainder of the evening is spent in social intercourse.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE OF CARD PLAYING.
+
+Never urge any one who seems to be unwilling to play a game of cards.
+They may have conscientious scruples in the matter, which must be
+respected.
+
+If you have no scruples of conscience, it is not courteous to refuse,
+when a game cannot be made up without you.
+
+You may refuse to play if you do not understand the game thoroughly. If,
+however, you are urged to try, and your partner and opponents offer to
+instruct you, you may accede to their requests, for in so doing, you
+will acquire a better knowledge of the game.
+
+Married and elderly people take precedence over young and unmarried
+people, in a game of cards.
+
+It is the privilege of the host and hostess to suggest cards as a means
+of amusement for the guests. The latter should never call for them.
+
+"Whist" is a game of cards so-called, because it requires silence and
+close attention. Therefore in playing this game, you must give your
+whole attention to the cards, and secure at least comparative silence.
+Do not suggest or keep up any conversation during a game, which will
+distract your own mind or the mind of others from the game.
+
+Never hurry any one who is playing. In endeavoring to play their best,
+they should take their own time, without interruption.
+
+Betting at cards is vulgar, partakes of the nature of gambling, and
+should at all times be avoided.
+
+Never finger the cards while they are being dealt, nor take up any of
+them until all are dealt out, when you may take your own cards and
+proceed to play.
+
+In large assemblies it is best to furnish the cards and tables, and
+allow guests to play or not, at their option, the host and hostess
+giving their assistance in seeking for people disposed to play, and in
+making up a game. In giving card parties, new cards should be provided
+on every occasion.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV.
+
+The Language of Flowers.
+
+
+How beautiful and yet how cheap are flowers! Not exotics, but what are
+called common flowers. A rose, for instance, is among the most beautiful
+of the smiles of nature. The "laughing flowers," exclaims the poet. But
+there is more than gayety in blooming flowers, though it takes a wise
+man to see the beauty, the love, and the adaptation of which they are
+full.
+
+What should we think of one who had _invented_ flowers, supposing that,
+before him, flowers were unknown? Would he not be regarded as the
+opener-up of a paradise of new delight? Should we not hail the inventor
+as a genius, as a god? And yet these lovely offsprings of the earth have
+been speaking to man from the first dawn of his existence until now,
+telling him of the goodness and wisdom of the Creative Power, which bid
+the earth bring forth, not only that which was useful as food, but also
+flowers, the bright consummate flowers to clothe it in beauty and joy!
+
+ [Illustration:              FLOWERS.
+          "The meanest flower that blows, can give
+           Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears."]
+
+Bring one of the commonest field-flowers into a room, place it on a
+table, or chimney-piece, and you seem to have brought a ray of sunshine
+into the place. There is a cheerfulness about flowers. What a delight
+are they to the drooping invalid! They are a sweet enjoyment, coming as
+messengers from the country, and seeming to say, "Come and see the place
+where we grow, and let your heart be glad in our presence."
+
+There is a sentiment attached to flowers, and this sentiment has been
+expressed in language by giving names to various flowers, shrubs and
+plants. These names constitute a language, which may be made the medium
+of pleasant and amusing interchange of thought between men and women. A
+bouquet of flowers and leaves may be selected and arranged so as to
+express much depth of feeling--to be truly a poem. We present herewith a
+list of many flowers and plants, to which, by universal consent, a
+sentiment has become attached.
+
+          Acacia--Concealed love.
+          Acacia, Rose--Friendship.
+          Acanthus--Arts.
+          Adonis Vernalis--Bitter memories.
+          Agnus Casus--Coldness.
+          Agrimony--Thankfulness.
+          Almond--Hope.
+          Aloe--Superstition.
+          Althea--Consumed by love.
+          Alyssum, Sweet--Worth beyond beauty.
+          Amaranth--Immortality.
+          Amaryllis--Splendid beauty.
+          Ambrosia--Love returned.
+          Anemone--Expectation.
+          Anemone, Garden--Forsaken.
+          Angelica--Inspiration.
+          Apocynum (Dogbane)--Inspiration.
+          Apple--Temptation.
+          Apple Blossom--Preference.
+          Arbor vit�--Unchanging friendship.
+          Arbutus, Trailing--Welcome.
+          Arum--Ardor.
+          Ash--Grandeur.
+          Ash, Mountain--Prudence.
+          Aspen Tree--Lamentation.
+          Asphodel--Regrets beyond the grave.
+          Aurilica--Avarice.
+          Azalea--Romance.
+          Bachelor's Button--Hope in love.
+          Balm--Sympathy.
+          Balm of Gilead--Healing.
+          Balsam--Impatience.
+          Barberry--Sharpness, satire.
+          Basil--Hatred.
+          Bay Leaf--No change till death.
+          Beech--Prosperity.
+          Bee Ophrys--Error.
+          Bee Orchis--Industry.
+          Bell Flower--Gratitude.
+          Belvidere, Wild (Licorice)--I declare against you.
+          Bilberry--Treachery.
+          Birch Tree--Meekness.
+          Black Bryony--Be my support.
+          Bladder-Nut Tree--Frivolous amusements.
+          Blue Bottle--Delicacy.
+          Borage--Bluntness.
+          Box--Constancy.
+          Briers--Envy.
+          Broken Straw--Constancy.
+          Broom--Neatness.
+          Buckbean--Calm repose.
+          Bugloss--Falsehood.
+          Burdock--Importunity.
+          Buttercup--Riches.
+          Cactus--Thou leavest me.
+          Calla Lilly--Feminine beauty.
+          Calycanthus--Benevolence.
+          Camelia--Pity.
+          Camomile--Energy in action.
+          Candytuft--Indifference.
+          Canterbury Bell--Gratitude.
+          Cape Jasmine Gardenia--Transport, ecstasy.
+          Cardinal Flower--Distinction.
+          Carnation, Yellow--Disdain.
+          Catchfly (Silene), Red--Youthful love.
+          Catchfly, White--I fall a victim.
+          Cedar--I live for thee.
+          Cedar of Lebanon--Incorruptible.
+          Celandine--Future joy.
+          Cherry Tree--Good education.
+          Chickweed--I cling to thee.
+          Chickory--Frugality.
+          China Aster--I will think of thee.
+          China, Pink--Aversion.
+          Chrysanthemum, Rose--In love.
+          Chrysanthemum, White--Truth.
+          Chrysanthemum, Yellow--Slighted love.
+          Cinquefoil--Beloved child.
+          Clematis--Artifice.
+          Clover, Red--Industry.
+          Coboea--Gossip.
+          Coxcomb--Foppery.
+          Colchium--My best days fled.
+          Coltsfoot--Justice shall be done you.
+          Columbine--Folly.
+          Columbine, Purple--Resolved to win.
+          Columbine, Red--Anxious.
+          Convolvulus Major--Dead hope.
+          Convolvulus Minor--Uncertainty.
+          Corchorus--Impatience of happiness.
+          Coreopsis--Love at first sight.
+          Coriander--Hidden merit.
+          Corn--Riches.
+          Cornelian Cherry Tree--Durability.
+          Coronilla--Success to you.
+          Cowslip--Pensiveness.
+          Cowslip, American--My divinity.
+          Crocus--Cheerfulness.
+          Crown Imperial--Majesty.
+          Currants--You please me.
+          Cypress--Mourning.
+          Cypress and Marigold--Despair.
+          Daffodil--Chivalry.
+          Dahlia--Forever thine.
+          Daisy, Garden--I share your feelings.
+          Daisy, Michaelmas--Farewell.
+          Daisy, Red--Beauty unknown to possessor.
+          Daisy, White--Innocence.
+          Daisy, Wild--I will think of it.
+          Dandelion--Coquetry.
+          Daphne Mezereon--I desire to please.
+          Daphne Odora--I would not have you otherwise.
+          Deadleaves--Sadness.
+          Diosma--Usefulness.
+          Dittany--Birth.
+          Dock--Patience.
+          Dodder--Meanness.
+          Dogwood Flowering (Cornus)--Am I indifferent to you?
+          Ebony--Hypocrisy.
+          Eglantine--I wound to heal.
+          Elder--Compassion.
+          Elm--Dignity.
+          Endine--Frugality.
+          Epig�a, Repens (Mayflower)--Budding beauty.
+          Eupatorium--Delay.
+          Evening Primrose--Inconstancy.
+          Evergreen--Poverty.
+          Everlasting (Graphalium)--Never ceasing memory.
+          Filbert--Reconciliation.
+          Fir Tree--Elevation.
+          Flax--I feel your kindness.
+          Flora's Bell--Without pretension.
+          Flowering Reed--Confide in heaven.
+          Forget-me-not--True love.
+          Foxglove--Insincerity.
+          Fraxinella--Fire.
+          Fritilaria (Guinea-hen Flower)--Persecution.
+          Furze--Anger.
+          Fuchsia--The ambition of my love thus plagues itself.
+          Fuchsia, Scarlet--Taste.
+          Gardenia--Transport; Ecstasy.
+          Gentian, Fringed--Intrinsic worth.
+          Geranium, Apple--Present preference.
+          Geranium, Ivy--Your hand for next dance.
+          Geranium, Nutmeg--I expect a meeting.
+          Geranium, Oak--Lady, deign to smile.
+          Geranium, Rose--Preference.
+          Geranium, Silver-leaf--Recall.
+          Gillyflower--Lasting beauty.
+          Gladiolus--Ready armed.
+          Golden Rod--Encouragement.
+          Gooseberry--Anticipation.
+          Goosefoot--Goodness.
+          Gorse--Endearing affection.
+          Grape--Charity.
+          Grass--Utility.
+          Guelder Rose (Snowball)--Winter.
+          Harebell--Grief.
+          Hawthorn--Hope.
+          Heart's Ease--Think of me.
+          Heart's Ease, Purple--You occupy my thoughts.
+          Hazel--Reconciliation.
+          Heath--Solitude.
+          Helenium--Tears.
+          Heliotrope, Peruvian--I love; devotion.
+          Hellebore--Scandal.
+          Henbane--Blemish.
+          Hepatica--Confidence.
+          Hibiscus--Delicate Beauty.
+          Holly--Foresight.
+          Hollyhock--Fruitfulness.
+          Hollyhock, White--Female ambition.
+          Honesty (Lunaria)--Sincerity.
+          Honeysuckle--The bond of love.
+          Honeysuckle, Coral--The color of my fate.
+          Honeysuckle, Monthly--I will not answer hastily.
+          Hop--Injustice.
+          Hornbeam--Ornament.
+          Horse-Chestnut--Luxury.
+          House-Leek--Domestic Economy.
+          Houstonia--Content.
+          Hoya (Wax Plant)--Sculpture.
+          Hyacinth--Jealousy.
+          Hyacinth, Blue--Constancy.
+          Hyacinth, Purple--Sorrow.
+          Hydrangea--Heartlessness.
+          Ice Plant--Your looks freeze me.
+          Indian Cress--Resignation.
+          Ipomaca--I attach myself to you.
+          Iris--Message.
+          Iris, German--Flame.
+          Ivy--Friendship; matrimony.
+          Jessamine, Cape--Transient joy.
+          Jessamine, White--Amiability.
+          Jessamine, Yellow--Grace; elegance.
+          Jonquil--Return my affection.
+          Judas-Tree--Betrayed.
+          Juniper--Perfect Loveliness.
+          Kalmia (Mountain Laurel)--Treachery.
+          Kennedia--Intellectual beauty.
+          Laburnum--Pensive Beauty.
+          Lady's Slipper--Capricious beauty.
+          Lagerstroema (Cape Myrtle)--Eloquence.
+          Lantana--Rigor.
+          Larch--Boldness.
+          Larkspur--Fickleness.
+          Laurel--Glory.
+          Laurestinus--I die if neglected.
+          Lavender--Distrust.
+          Lemon Blossom--Discretion.
+          Lettuce--Cold-hearted.
+          Lilac--First emotion of love.
+          Lilac, White--Youth.
+          Lily--Purity; modesty.
+          Lily of the Valley--Return of happiness.
+          Lily, Day--Coquetry.
+          Lily, Water--Eloquence.
+          Lily, Yellow--Falsehood.
+          Linden Tree--Conjugal love.
+          Live Oak--Liberty.
+          Liverwort--Confidence.
+          Locust--Affection beyond the grave.
+          London Pride--Frivolity.
+          Lotus--Forgetful of the past.
+          Love in a Mist--You puzzle me.
+          Love Lies Bleeding--Hopeless, not heartless.
+          Lucerne--Life.
+          Lungwort (Pulmonaria)--Thou art my life.
+          Lupine--Imagination.
+          Lychnis--Religious Enthusiasm.
+          Lythrum--Pretension.
+          Madder--Calumny.
+          Maiden's Hair--Discretion.
+          Magnolia, Chinese--Love of Nature.
+          Magnolia, Grandiflora--Peerless and Proud.
+          Magnolia, Swamp--Perseverance.
+          Mallow--Sweetness.
+          Mandrake--Horror.
+          Maple--Reserve.
+          Marigold--Cruelty.
+          Marigold, African--Vulgar-minded.
+          Marigold, French--Jealousy.
+          Marjoram--Blushes.
+          Marshmallow--Beneficence.
+          Marvel of Peru (Four o'clock)--Timidity.
+          Meadow Saffron--My best days gone.
+          Meadow Sweet--Usefulness.
+          Mignonette--Your qualities surpass your charms.
+          Mimosa--Sensitiveness.
+          Mint--Virtue.
+          Mistletoe--I surmount all difficulties.
+          Mock Orange (Syringia)--Counterfeit.
+          Monkshood--A deadly foe is near.
+          Moonwort--Forgetfulness.
+          Morning Glory--Coquetry.
+          Moss--Maternal love.
+          Motherwort--Secret Love.
+          Mourning Bride (Scabious)--Unfortunate attachment.
+          Mouse-ear Chickweed--Simplicity.
+          Mulberry, Black--I will not survive you.
+          Mulberry, White--Wisdom.
+          Mullein--Good nature.
+          Mushroom--Suspicion.
+          Mush Plant--Weakness.
+          Mustard Seed--Indifference.
+          Myosotis--Forget me not.
+          Myrtle--Love.
+          Narcissus--Egotism.
+          Nasturtium--Patriotism.
+          Nettle--Cruelty; Slander.
+          Night Blooming Cereus--Transient beauty.
+          Nightshade--Bitter truth.
+          Oak--Hospitality.
+          Oats--Music.
+          Oleander--Beware.
+          Orange--Generosity.
+          Orange Flower--Chastity.
+          Orchis--Beauty.
+          Osier--Frankness.
+          Osmunda--Dreams.
+          Pansy--Think of me.
+          Parsley--Entertainment.
+          Pasque Flower--Unpretentious.
+          Passion Flower--Religious Fervor.
+          Pea--Appointed meeting.
+          Pea, Everlasting--Wilt go with me?
+          Pea, Sweet--Departure.
+          Peach Blossom--My heart is thine.
+          Pear Tree--Affection.
+          Peony--Anger.
+          Pennyroyal--Flee away.
+          Periwinkle--Sweet memories.
+          Persimmon--Bury me amid nature's beauties.
+          Petunica--Am not proud.
+          Pheasant's Eye--Sorrowful memories.
+          Phlox--Our souls united.
+          Pimpernel--Change.
+          Pine--Time.
+          Pine Apple--You are perfect.
+          Pine, Spruce--Farewell.
+          Pink--Pure affection.
+          Pink, Clove--Dignity.
+          Pink, Double-red--Pure, ardent love.
+          Pink, Indian--Aversion.
+          Pink, Mountain--You are aspiring.
+          Pink, Variegated--Refusal.
+          Pink, White--You are fair.
+          Pink, Yellow--Disdain.
+          Plane Tree--Genius.
+          Pleurisy Root (Asclopias)--Heartache cure.
+          Plum Tree--Keep promise.
+          Plum Tree, Wild--Independence.
+          Polyanthus--Confidence.
+          Poplar, Black--Courage.
+          Poplar, White--Time.
+          Poppy--Consolation.
+          Poppy, White--Sleep of the heart.
+          Pomegranate--Foolishness.
+          Pomegranate Flower--Elegance.
+          Potato--Beneficence.
+          Pride of China (Melia)--Dissension.
+          Primrose--Early youth.
+          Primrose, Evening--Inconstancy.
+          Privet--Mildness.
+          Pumpkin--Coarseness.
+          Quince--Temptation.
+          Ragged-robin (Lychnis)--Wit.
+          Ranunculus--Radiant with charms.
+          Reeds--Music.
+          Rhododendron--Agitation.
+          Rose--Beauty.
+          Rose, Austrian--Thou art all that is lovely.
+          Rose, Bridal--Happy love.
+          Rose, Burgundy--Unconscious beauty.
+          Rose, Cabbage--Love's Ambassador.
+          Rose, Campion--Only deserve my love.
+          Rose, Carolina--Love is dangerous.
+          Rose, China--Grace.
+          Rose, Daily--That smile I would aspire to.
+          Rose, Damask--Freshness.
+          Rose, Dog--Pleasure and pain.
+          Rose, Hundred Leaf--Pride.
+          Rose, Inermis--Ingratitude.
+          Rose, Maiden's Blush--If you do love me you will find me out.
+          Rose, Moss--Superior merit.
+          Rosebud, Moss--Confessed love.
+          Rose, Multiflora--Grace.
+          Rose, Musk-cluster--Charming.
+          Rose, Sweetbriar--Sympathy.
+          Rose, Tea--Always lovely.
+          Rose, Unique--Call me not beautiful.
+          Rose, White--I am worthy of you.
+          Rose, White (withered)--Transient impression.
+          Rose, Wild--Simplicity.
+          Rose, Yellow--Decrease of love.
+          Rose, York and Lancaster--War.
+          Roses, Garland of--Reward of Virtue.
+          Rosebud--Young girl.
+          Rosebud, White--The heart that knows not love.
+          Rosemary--Your presence revives me.
+          Rue--Disdain.
+          Rush--Docility.
+          Saffron--Excess is dangerous.
+          Sage--Esteem.
+          Sardonia--Irony.
+          Satin-flower (Lunaria)--Sincerity.
+          Scabious, Mourning Bride--Widowhood.
+          Sensitive Plant--Timidity.
+          Service Tree--Prudence.
+          Snapdragon--Presumption.
+          Snowball--Thoughts of heaven.
+          Snowdrop--Consolation.
+          Sorrel--Wit ill-timed.
+          Southernwood--Jesting.
+          Spearmint--Warm feelings.
+          Speedwell, Veronica--Female fidelity.
+          Spindle-tree--Your image is engraven on my heart.
+          Star of Bethlehem--Reconciliation.
+          Starwort, American--Welcome to a stranger.
+          St. John's Wort (Hypericum)--Superstition.
+          Stock, Ten-week--Promptitude.
+          Stramonium, Common--Disguise.
+          Strawberry--Perfect excellence.
+          Strawberry Tree (Arbutus)--Esteemed love.
+          Sumac--Splendor.
+          Sunflower, Dwarf--Your devout admirer.
+          Sunflower, Fall--Pride.
+          Sweet Sultan--Felicity.
+          Sweet William--Artifice.
+          Sycamore--Curiosity.
+          Syringia--Memory.
+          Tansy--I declare against you.
+          Teasel--Misanthropy.
+          Thistle--Austerity.
+          Thorn Apple--Deceitful charms.
+          Thorn, Black--Difficulty.
+          Thorns--Severity.
+          Thrift--Sympathy.
+          Throatwood (Pulmonaria)--Neglected beauty.
+          Thyme--Activity.
+          Tiger Flower--May pride befriend thee.
+          Touch me not, Balsam--Impatience.
+          Truffle--Surprise.
+          Trumpet Flower--Separation.
+          Tuberose--Dangerous pleasures.
+          Tulip--Declaration of love.
+          Tulip Tree--Rural happiness.
+          Tulip, Variegated--Beautiful eyes.
+          Tulip, Yellow--Hopeless love.
+          Turnip--Charity.
+          Valerian--Accommodating disposition.
+          Venus's Flytrap--Caught at last.
+          Venus's Looking-glass--Flattery.
+          Verbena--Sensibility.
+          Vine--Intoxicating.
+          Violet, Blue--Love.
+          Violet, White--Modesty.
+          Violet, Yellow--Modest worth.
+          Virgin's Bower--Filial love.
+          Wall Flower--Fidelity.
+          Walnut--Stratagem.
+          Weeping Willow--Forsaken.
+          Wheat--Prosperity.
+          Woodbine--Fraternal love.
+          Wood Sorrel--Joy.
+          Wormwood--Absence.
+          Yarrow--Cure for heartache.
+          Yew--Sorrow.
+          Zenn�--Absent friends.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+Precious Stones.
+
+
+Some of the precious stones and gems have been given a distinct
+significance by imparting a special meaning or name to them. The
+ancients besides considered certain months sacred to the different
+stones, and some people have considered this in making birthday or
+wedding presents. Below will be found the stones regarded as sacred to
+the various months, with the meaning given to each.
+
+          January--Garnet--Constancy and Fidelity.
+          February--Amethyst--Sincerity.
+          March--Bloodstone--Courage.
+          April--Sapphire--Repentance.
+          May--Emerald--Success in love.
+          June--Agate--Health and long life.
+          July--Ruby--Forgetfulness of, and exemption from vexations
+                caused by friendship and love.
+          August--Sardonyx--Conjugal Fidelity.
+          September--Chrysolite--Freedom from evil passions and sadness
+                of mind.
+          October--Opal--Hope and Faith.
+          November--Topaz--Fidelity and Friendship.
+          December--Turquoise--Prosperity.
+
+Of the precious stones not included in the above list, the language is
+given below:
+
+          Diamond--Innocence.
+          Pearl--Purity.
+          Cornelian--Contented mind.
+          Moonstone--Protects from danger.
+          Heliotrope--Causing the owner to walk invisible.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+   Punctuation normalized except where hyphenation could not be determined.
+
+   Page 10, "LTETER" changed to "LETTER".
+
+   Page 38, "circumstrances" changed to "circumstances". (but
+   circumstances may)
+
+   Page 52, "M." changed to "P.M." (12 P.M.)
+
+   Page 88, "abominally" changed to "abominably". (abominably stupid)
+
+   Page 132, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (conventional time allotted)
+
+   Page 142, "remaned" changed to "remained". (obliged to remain)
+
+   Page 167, "defferential" changed to "deferential". (show a deferential)
+
+   Page 251, "acquantance" changed to "acquaintance". (upon an
+   acquaintance)
+
+   Page 261, "trivialties" changed to "trivialities". (trivialities than
+   the family)
+
+   Page 267, "wish" changed to "wishes". (wishes, but should)
+
+   Page 286, "anniversay" changed to "anniversary". (The first anniversary)
+
+   Page 287, "anniversay" chanted to "anniversary". (the fifth anniversary)
+
+   Page 293, "somtimes" changed to "sometimes". (two, and sometimes)
+
+   Page 315, "charater" changed to "character". (man's real character)
+
+   Page 325, "comonly" changed to "commonly". (dress is what is commonly)
+
+   Page 335, "boquet" changed to "bouquet". (wreath and bouquet.)
+
+   Page 368, "paring" changed to "paring". (paring the toe-nails)
+
+   Page 374, "halt" changed to "half". (half an ounce)
+
+   Page 376, "ounce" changed to "ounces". (mix two ounces)
+
+   Page 379, "on" changed to "an". (moss one-fourth of an ounce)
+
+   Page 412, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (the allotted number)
+
+   Page 413, "Frugalit ." changed to "Frugality." (Chickory--Frugality.)
+
+   Page 417, "Valey" changed to "Valley". (Lily of the Valley)
+
+
+
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+<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Our Deportment, by John H. Young</title>
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+<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, Our Deportment, by John H. Young</h1>
+<pre>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre>
+<p>Title: Our Deportment</p>
+<p>       Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society</p>
+<p>Author: John H. Young</p>
+<p>Release Date: January 25, 2006  [eBook #17609]</p>
+<p>Language: English</p>
+<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p>
+<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR DEPORTMENT***</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h3>E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, MandM,<br />
+    and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br />
+    (http://www.pgdp.net/)</h3>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-002.png" width="400" height="247" alt="Our Deportment" title="Our Deportment" />
+</div>
+
+<h3>OR THE</h3>
+
+<h2>MANNERS, CONDUCT AND DRESS</h2>
+
+<h4>OF THE MOST REFINED SOCIETY;</h4>
+
+<div class='center'>INCLUDING</div>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<b>Forms for Letters, Invitations, Etc., Etc. Also, Valuable<br />
+Suggestions on Home Culture and Training.</b><br />
+<br />
+<br />
+COMPILED FROM THE LATEST RELIABLE AUTHORITIES,<br /></div>
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<h3>BY</h3>
+<h2>JOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.</h2>
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<div class='center'><br />
+REVISED AND ILLUSTRATED.<br /></div>
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<div class='center'><br /><br />
+F. B. DICKERSON &amp; CO.,<br />
+DETROIT, MICH.   &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ST. LOUIS, MO.<br />
+<br /></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Publishing Companies">
+<tr><td align='center'>PENNSYLVANIA PUBLISHING CO.,</td><td align='center'>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; UNION PUBLISHING HOUSE,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center'>HARRISBURGH, PA.</td><td align='center'>CHICAGO, ILL.</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br />
+1881.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 266px;">
+<img src="images/illus-001.png" width="266" height="400" alt="Frontispiece" title="Frontispiece" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;">
+<img src="images/illus-003a.png" width="250" height="73" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Epigram">
+<tr><td align='left'>To go through this life with good manners possessed,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel.</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;">
+<img src="images/illus-003b.png" width="250" height="112" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>
+COPYRIGHTED<br />
+BY<br />
+FREEMAN B. DICKERSON,<br />
+1879 and 1881.<br />
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-004a.png" width="300" height="79" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>Preface.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 179px;">
+<img src="images/n.png" width="179" height="300" alt="N" title="N" />
+</div>
+
+<div><br /><br /><br /><br /><big><b>O</b></big> one subject is of more importance to people generally than a
+knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society, which are
+commonly expressed by the word "Etiquette." Its necessity is felt
+wherever men and women associate together, whether in the city, village,
+or country town, at home or abroad. To acquire a thorough knowledge of
+these matters, and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease
+and self-complacency, is what people call good breeding. To display an
+ignorance of them, is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being
+ill-bred.</div>
+
+<p>In the compilation of this work, the object has been to present the
+usages and rules which govern the most refined American society, and to
+impart that information which will enable any one, in whatever
+circumstances <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or
+the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady, whose
+presence will be sought for, and who, by their graceful deportment will
+learn the art of being at home in any good society.</p>
+
+<p>The work is so arranged, that every subject is conveniently classified
+and subdivided; it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given
+subject. It has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points
+that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette, even upon matters of
+seemingly trivial importance. Upon some hitherto disputed points, those
+rules are given, which are sustained by the best authorities and
+endorsed by good sense.</p>
+
+<p>As the work is not the authorship of any one individual, and as no
+individual, whatever may be his acquirements, could have the presumption
+to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general, it is therefore
+only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and
+latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters,
+while such additional material has been embraced within its pages, as,
+it is hoped, will be found of benefit and interest to every American
+household.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+J.H.Y.<br />
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-006.png" width="400" height="107" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>Contents.</h2>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><big>CHAPTER I.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 1">
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+<br />INTRODUCTORY</td><td align='right'><small>PAGE.</small><br /> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_13'>13</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER II.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNERS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 2">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Good manners as an element of worldly success&mdash;Manner an index of
+character&mdash;The true gentleman&mdash;The true lady&mdash;Importance of
+trifles&mdash;Value of pleasing manners&mdash;Personal appearance enhanced and
+fortunes made by pleasing manners&mdash;Politeness the outgrowth of good
+manners </td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_20'>20</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER III.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCTIONS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 3">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Acquaintances thus formed&mdash;Promiscuous, informal and casual introductions&mdash;Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a
+gentleman&mdash;Introduction at a ball&mdash;The manner of
+introduction&mdash;Introducing relatives&mdash;Obligatory
+introductions&mdash;Salutations after introduction&mdash;Introducing one's
+self&mdash;Letters of introduction&mdash;How they are to be delivered&mdash;Duty of a
+person to whom a letter of introduction is addressed&mdash;Letters of
+introduction for business purposes</td><td align='left'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_31'>31</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER IV.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>SALUTATIONS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 4">
+<tr><td align='justify'>The salutation originally an act of worship&mdash;Its form in different
+nations&mdash;The bow, its proper mode&mdash;Words of salutation&mdash;Manner of
+bowing&mdash;Duties of the young to older people&mdash;How to avoid
+recognition&mdash;Etiquette of handshaking&mdash;Kissing as a mode of
+salutation&mdash;The kiss of friendship&mdash;The kiss of respect</td><td align='left'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_42'>42</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER V.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE ON CALLS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 5">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Morning calls&mdash;Evening calls&mdash;Rules for formal calls&mdash;Calls at Summer
+resorts&mdash;Reception days&mdash;Calls made by cards&mdash;Returning the first
+call&mdash;Calls after a betrothal takes place&mdash;Forming new acquaintance by
+calls&mdash;The first call, by whom to be made&mdash;Calls of
+Congratulation&mdash;Visits of condolence&mdash;Keeping an account of
+calls&mdash;Evening visits&mdash;"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers&mdash;General
+rules relative to calls&mdash;New Year's calls</td><td align='right'>  &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_52'>52</a> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER VI.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE ON VISITING.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 6">
+<tr><td align='justify'>General invitations not to be accepted&mdash;The limit of a prolonged
+visit&mdash;Duties of a visitor&mdash;Duties of the host or hostess&mdash;True
+hospitality&mdash;Leave-taking&mdash;Invitations to guests&mdash;Forbearance with
+children&mdash;Guests making presents&mdash;Treatment of a host's friends
+</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_69'>69</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER VII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE OF CARDS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 7">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Visiting and calling cards&mdash;Their size and style&mdash;Wedding cards&mdash;Leaving
+cards in calling&mdash;Cards for mother and daughter&mdash;Cards not to be sent in
+envelopes to return formal calls&mdash;Glazed cards not in fashion&mdash;P.P.C.
+cards&mdash;Cards of congratulation&mdash;When sent&mdash;Leave cards in making first
+calls of the season and after invitations&mdash;Mourning cards&mdash;Christmas and
+Easter cards&mdash;Cards of condolence&mdash;Bridegroom's card.</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_75'>75</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER VIII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONVERSATION.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 8">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Character revealed by conversation&mdash;Importance of conversing
+well&mdash;Children should be trained to talk well&mdash;Cultivation of the
+memory&mdash;Importance of remembering names&mdash;How Henry Clay acquired this
+habit&mdash;Listening&mdash;Writing down one's thoughts&mdash;Requisites for a good
+talker&mdash;Vulgarisms&mdash;Flippancy&mdash;Sympathizing with another&mdash;Bestowing
+compliments&mdash;Slang&mdash;Flattery&mdash;Scandal and gossip&mdash;Satire and
+ridicule&mdash;Religion and politics to be avoided&mdash;Bestowing of
+titles&mdash;Interrupting another while talking&mdash;Adaptability in
+conversation&mdash;Correct use of words&mdash;Speaking one's
+mind&mdash;Profanity&mdash;Display of knowledge&mdash;Double entendres&mdash;Impertinent
+questions&mdash;Things to be avoided in
+conversation&mdash;Hobbies&mdash;Fault-finding&mdash;Disputes</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_84'>84</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER IX.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>DINNER PARTIES.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 9">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Dinners are entertainments for married people&mdash;Whom to invite&mdash;Forms of
+invitations&mdash;Punctuality required&mdash;The success of a dinner party&mdash;Table
+appointments&mdash;Proper size of a dinner party&mdash;Arrangement of guests at
+table&mdash;Serving dinner a la Russe&mdash;Duties of servants&mdash;Serving the
+dishes&mdash;General rules regarding dinner&mdash;Waiting on others&mdash;Monopolizing
+conversation&mdash;Duties of hostess and host&mdash;Retiring from the table&mdash;Calls
+required after a dinner party&mdash;Returning hospitalities&mdash;Expensive
+dinners not the most enjoyable&mdash;Wines at dinners</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_106'>106</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER X.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>TABLE ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 10">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Importance of acquiring good habits at the table&mdash;Table appointments for
+breakfast, luncheon and dinner&mdash;Use of the knife and fork&mdash;Of the
+napkin&mdash;Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness&mdash;General
+rules on the subject</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_123'>123</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XI.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 11">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Morning receptions&mdash;The dress and refreshments for
+them&mdash;Invitations&mdash;Musical matinees&mdash;Parties in the country&mdash;Five
+o'clock teas and kettle-drums&mdash;Requisites for a successful
+ball&mdash;Introductions at a ball&mdash;Receiving guests&mdash;The number to
+invite&mdash;Duties of the guests&mdash;General rules to be observed at
+balls&mdash;Some suggestions for gentlemen&mdash;Duties of an escort&mdash;Preparations
+for a ball&mdash;The supper&mdash;An after-call required</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_129'>129</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XII.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>STREET ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 12">
+<tr><td align='justify'>The street manners of a lady&mdash;Forming street acquaintances&mdash;Recognizing
+friends in the street&mdash;Saluting a lady&mdash;Passing through a crowd&mdash;The
+first to bow&mdash;Do not lack politeness&mdash;How a lady and gentleman should
+walk together&mdash;When to offer the lady the arm&mdash;Going up and down
+stairs&mdash;Smoking in the streets&mdash;Carrying packages&mdash;Meeting a lady
+acquaintance&mdash;Corner loafers&mdash;Shouting in the street&mdash;Shopping
+etiquette&mdash;For public conveyances&mdash;Cutting acquaintances&mdash;General
+suggestions</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_145'>145</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XIII.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 13">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Conduct in church&mdash;Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts&mdash;Conduct
+in public assemblages&mdash;Remain until the performance closes&mdash;Conduct in
+picture galleries&mdash;Behavior at charity fairs&mdash;Conduct at an artist's
+studio</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_157'>157</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XIV.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAVELING ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 14">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone&mdash;Duties of an escort&mdash;Duties
+of a lady to her escort&mdash;Ladies should assist other ladies traveling
+alone&mdash;The seats to be occupied in a railway car&mdash;Discretion to be used
+in forming acquaintances in traveling</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_167'>167</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XV.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RIDING AND DRIVING.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 15">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Learning to ride on horseback&mdash;The gentleman's duty as an escort in
+riding&mdash;How to assist a lady to mount&mdash;Riding with ladies&mdash;Assisting a
+lady to alight from a horse&mdash;Driving&mdash;The seat of honor in a
+carriage&mdash;Trusting the driver</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_174'>174</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XVI.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>COURTSHIP.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 16">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies toward each other&mdash;Premature
+declaration of love&mdash;Love at first sight&mdash;Proper manner of
+courtship&mdash;Parents should exercise authority over daughters&mdash;An
+acceptable suitor&mdash;Requirements for a happy marriage&mdash;Proposals of
+marriage&mdash;A gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit&mdash;A lady's
+refusal&mdash;A doubtful answer&mdash;Unladylike conduct toward a suitor&mdash;The
+rejected suitor&mdash;Asking consent of parents&mdash;Presents after
+engagement&mdash;Conduct and relations of the engaged couple&mdash;Lovers'
+quarrels&mdash;Breaking an engagement</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_179'>179</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XVII.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WEDDING ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 17">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers&mdash;The bridal costume
+Costumes of bridegroom and ushers&mdash;Presents of the bride and
+bridegroom&mdash;Ceremonials at church when there are no bride<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>maids or
+ushers&mdash;Invitations to the ceremony alone&mdash;The latest
+ceremonials&mdash;Weddings at home&mdash;The evening wedding&mdash;"At home"
+receptions&mdash;Calls&mdash;The wedding ring&mdash;Marriage ceremonials of a
+widow&mdash;Form of invitations to a reception&mdash;Duties of invited guests&mdash;Of
+bridemaids and ushers&mdash;Bridal presents&mdash;Master of ceremonies&mdash;Wedding
+fees&mdash;Congratulations&mdash;The bridal tour</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_194'>194</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XVIII.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOME LIFE AND ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 18">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Home the woman's kingdom&mdash;Home companionship&mdash;Conduct of husband and
+wife&mdash;Duties of the wife to her husband&mdash;The wife a helpmate&mdash;The
+husband's duties</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_208'>208</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XIX.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOME TRAINING.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 19">
+<tr><td align='justify'>First lessons learned at home&mdash;Parents should set good examples to their
+children&mdash;Courtesies in the home circle&mdash;Early moral training of
+children&mdash;The formation of their habits&mdash;Politeness at home&mdash;Train
+children for some occupation&mdash;Bad temper&mdash;Selfishness&mdash;Home maxims</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_216'>216</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XX.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOME CULTURE.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 20">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Cultivate moral courage&mdash;The pernicious influence of
+indolence&mdash;Self-respect&mdash;Result of good breeding at home&mdash;Fault-finding
+and grumbling&mdash;Family jars not to be made public&mdash;Conflicting
+interests&mdash;Religious education&mdash;Obedience&mdash;Influence of example&mdash;The
+influence of books</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_225'>225</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXI.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WOMAN'S HIGHER EDUCATION.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 21">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Its importance&mdash;Train young women to some occupation&mdash;Education of girls
+too superficial&mdash;An education appropriate to each sex&mdash;Knowledge of the
+laws of health needed by women&mdash;Idleness the source of all misery&mdash;A
+spirit of independence&mdash;Health and life dependent upon a higher
+culture&mdash;Cultivation of the moral sense</td><td align='left'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_233'>233</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE LETTER WRITER.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 22">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Letter writing is an indication of good breeding&mdash;Requirements for
+correct writing&mdash;Anonymous letters&mdash;Note paper to be used&mdash;Forms of
+letters and notes&mdash;Forms of addressing notes and letters&mdash;Forms of
+signature&mdash;Letters of introduction&mdash;When to be given&mdash;Notes of
+invitation and replies thereto&mdash;Acceptances and regrets&mdash;Formal
+invitations must be answered&mdash;Letters of friendship&mdash;Love
+letters&mdash;Business letters and correspondence&mdash;Form of letter requesting
+employment&mdash;Regarding the character of a servant&mdash;Forms for notes,
+drafts, bills and receipts</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_242'>242</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXIII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES TO GOVERN CONDUCT.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 23">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Attention to the young in society&mdash;Gracefulness of carriage&mdash;Attitude,
+coughing, sneezing, etc.&mdash;Anecdotes, puns, etc.&mdash;A sweet and pure
+breath&mdash;Smoking&mdash;A good listener&mdash;Give precedence to others&mdash;Be moderate
+in speaking&mdash;Singing and playing in society&mdash;Receiving and making
+presents&mdash;Governing our moods&mdash;A lady driving with a gentleman&mdash;An
+invitation cannot be recalled&mdash;Avoid talking of personalities&mdash;Shun
+gossip and tale bearing&mdash;Removing the hat&mdash;Intruding on
+privacy&mdash;Politeness&mdash;Adapting yourself to others&mdash;Contradicting&mdash;A
+woman's good name&mdash;Expressing unfavorable
+opinions&mdash;Vulgarities&mdash;Miscellaneous rules governing
+conduct&mdash;Washington's maxims</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_266'>266</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXIV.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 24">
+<tr><td align='justify'>How and when they are celebrated&mdash;The paper, cotton and leather
+weddings&mdash;The wooden wedding&mdash;The tin wedding&mdash;The crystal wedding&mdash;The
+silver wedding&mdash;The golden wedding&mdash;The diamond wedding&mdash;Presents at
+anniversary weddings&mdash;Forms of invitations, etc.</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_285'>285</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXV.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 25">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Naming the child&mdash;The christening&mdash;Godparents or sponsors&mdash;Presents from
+godparents&mdash;The ceremony&mdash;The breakfast&mdash;Christening gifts&mdash;The hero of
+the day&mdash;Fees</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_291'>291</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXVI.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>FUNERALS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="26">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Death notices and funeral invitations&mdash;Arrangement for the funeral&mdash;The
+house of mourning&mdash;Conducting the funeral services&mdash;The
+pall-bearers&mdash;Order of the procession&mdash;Floral and other
+decorations&mdash;Calls upon the bereaved family&mdash;Seclusion of the family</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_296'>296</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXVII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 27">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Social duties required of the President and his family&mdash;Receptions at
+the White House&mdash;Order of official rank&mdash;Duties required of members of
+the cabinet and their families&mdash;How to address officials&mdash;The first to
+visit</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_303'>303</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXVIII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE OF FOREIGN COURTS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 28">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Foreign titles&mdash;Royalty&mdash;The nobility&mdash;The gentry&mdash;Esquires&mdash;Imperial
+rank&mdash;European titles&mdash;Presentation at the court of St. James&mdash;Those
+eligible and ineligible for presentation&mdash;Preliminaries&mdash;Presentation
+costumes</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_308'>308</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXIX.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>BUSINESS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 29">
+<tr><td align='justify'>The example of a merchant prince&mdash;Keep your temper&mdash;Honesty the best
+policy&mdash;Form good habits&mdash;Breaking an appointment&mdash;Prompt payment of
+bills, notes and drafts&mdash;General suggestions</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_315'>315</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXX.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 30">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Requirements for dressing well&mdash;Perils of the love of dress to weak
+minds&mdash;Consistency in dress&mdash;Extravagance&mdash;Indifference to
+dress&mdash;Appropriate dress&mdash;The wearing of gloves&mdash;Evening or full dress
+for gentlemen&mdash;Morning dress for gentlemen&mdash;Evening or full dress for
+ladies&mdash;Ball dresses&mdash;The full dinner dress&mdash;For receiving and making
+morning calls&mdash;Morning dress for street&mdash;Carriage dress&mdash;Promenade dress
+and walking suit&mdash;Opera dress&mdash;The riding dress&mdash;For women of
+business&mdash;Ordinary <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>evening dress&mdash;For a social party&mdash;Dress for the
+theater, lecture and concert&mdash;Archery, croquet and skating
+costumes&mdash;Bathing dress&mdash;For traveling&mdash;The bridal costume&mdash;Dress of
+bridemaids&mdash;At wedding receptions&mdash;Mourning dress&mdash;How long mourning
+should be worn</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_320'>320</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXI.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>COLORS AND THEIR HARMONY IN DRESS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 31">
+<tr><td align='justify'>The proper arrangement of colors&mdash;The colors adapted to different
+persons&mdash;Material for dress&mdash;Size in relation to color and dress&mdash;A list
+of colors that harmonize</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_341'>341</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TOILET.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 32">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Importance of neatness and cleanliness&mdash;Perfumes&mdash;The bath&mdash;The teeth
+and their care&mdash;The skin&mdash;The eyes, eyelashes and brows&mdash;The hair and
+beard&mdash;The hands and feet</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_351'>351</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXIII.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>TOILET RECIPES.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 33">
+<tr><td align='justify'>To remove freckles, pimples and sunburn&mdash;To beautify the complexion&mdash;To
+prevent the hair falling out&mdash;Pomades and hair oils&mdash;Sea foam or dry
+shampoo&mdash;To prevent the hair turning gray&mdash;To soften the skin&mdash;To
+cleanse the teeth&mdash;Remedy for chapped hands&mdash;For corns and chilblains,
+etc.</td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_372'>372</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXIV.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'><b>SPORTS, GAMES AND AMUSEMENTS.</b></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 34">
+<tr><td align='justify'>Archery and its practice&mdash;Lawn Tennis&mdash;Boating&mdash;Picnics&mdash;Private
+Theatricals&mdash;Card playing
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+ &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; </td><td align='right'>&nbsp; &nbsp; <a href='#Page_398'>398</a><br /><br /></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXV.</big></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 35">
+<tr><td align='left'><b>LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS,</b><br />&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_410'>410</a><br /><br /></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><big>CHAPTER XXXVI.</big></div>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Chapter 35">
+<tr><td align='left'><b>PRECIOUS STONES,</b><br />&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;</td><td align='right'> &nbsp; &nbsp;<a href='#Page_423'>423</a><br /><br /></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+<h3>Introductory.</h3>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Ingenious Art">
+<tr><td align='left'>"Ingenious Art with her expressive face,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Steps forth to fashion and refine the race."&mdash;</span><span class="smcap">Cowper</span>.</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;">
+<img src="images/a.png" width="120" height="300" alt="A" title="A" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b> &nbsp; KNOWLEDGE</b></big> of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules
+of society at its best. These rules have been the outgrowth of centuries
+of civilization, had their foundation in friendship and love of man for
+his fellow man&mdash;the vital principles of Christianity&mdash;and are most
+powerful agents for promoting peace, harmony and good will among all
+people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized
+government. In all civilized countries the influence of the best society
+is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation, but
+in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more
+powerfully felt than in our own, "the land of the future, where mankind
+may plant, essay, and resolve all social problems." These rules make
+social intercourse more agreeable, and facilitate hospitalities, when
+all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard
+their observance. They are to society what our laws are to the people as
+a political body, and to disregard them will give rise to constant
+misunderstandings, engender ill-will, and beget bad morals and bad
+manners.</div>
+
+<p>Says an eminent English writer: "On manners, refinement, rules of good
+breeding, and even the forms of etiquette, we are forever talking,
+judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and
+unwritten laws, and choosing our society and even our friends by the
+touchstone of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert expressed opinions
+which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote
+to her son: "Nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness. Men
+have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common
+good; they have made laws to restrain the wicked; they have agreed among
+themselves as to the duties of society, and have annexed an honorable
+character to the practice of those duties. He is the honest man who
+observes them with the most exactness, and the instances of them
+multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor."</p>
+
+<p>Originally a gentleman was defined to be one who, without any title of
+nobility, wore a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early
+colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings
+which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother
+country. Although despising <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>titles and ignoring the rights of kings,
+they still clung to the "grand old name of gentleman." But race is no
+longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with
+learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present the
+kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the
+principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth
+combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and
+consideration of the feelings of others.</p>
+
+<p>Good manners are only acquired by education and observation, followed up
+by habitual practice at home and in society, and good manners reveal to
+us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not possess them, though he
+bear the highest title of nobility, cannot expect to be called a
+gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners, aspire to be
+considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are indissolubly allied,
+and no society can be good where they are bad. It is the duty of
+American women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of
+morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually
+upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.</p>
+
+<p>As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self-improvement
+should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve
+with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of
+social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of
+discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best
+society whose lack of education <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>and whose rude manners will totally
+unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even
+more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may be
+considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.</p>
+
+<p>The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men should
+do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true
+politeness&mdash;principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to
+our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of so
+being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the man or
+woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred. The people,
+thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to make
+an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept one when
+it is made. "The noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted."</p>
+
+<p>In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of
+ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule,
+"Do unto others, as they do unto you," is more often put into practice
+than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of
+forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in
+spirit; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended
+to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the
+injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for
+peace.</p>
+
+<p>Society is divided into sets, according to their breed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>ing. One set may
+be said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another
+more, and another enough; and between the first and last of these, there
+are more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in
+essence everywhere&mdash;at courts, in fashionable society, in literary
+circles, in domestic life&mdash;they never change, but social observances,
+customs and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.</p>
+
+<p>A French writer has said: "To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at
+the same time, good, just, and generous. True politeness is the outward
+visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty,
+unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index
+of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure; his
+thoughts are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is
+gentle, because his feelings, his impulses, and his training are gentle
+also. A gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He
+avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no
+attraction for him. He seeks not to say any civil things, but to do
+them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly
+regulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good
+qualities and good manners; his servants for their truthfulness and
+honesty; his occupations for their usefulness, their gracefulness or
+their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental or political."</p>
+
+<p>In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman, when he says:
+"A gentleman's first char<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>acteristic is that fineness of structure in
+the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of
+that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate
+sympathies&mdash;one may say, simply, 'fineness of nature.' This is, of
+course, compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness;
+in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy.
+Elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no
+touch of the boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have
+felt a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and
+behave itself like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar
+animal; but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his
+non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine
+nature&mdash;not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the
+way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way, and in his
+sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on
+points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of
+high breeding in men generally, will be their kindness and mercifulness,
+these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind."</p>
+
+<p>Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were
+perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth
+were kind-hearted; if, instead of contending with the faults of our
+fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs
+to guard constantly against the evil from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>within as well as from
+without, for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his
+own heart."</p>
+
+<p>A recent English writer says: "Etiquette may be defined as the minor
+morality of life. No observances, however minute, that tend to spare the
+feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialities; and
+politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil
+the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents
+supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances,
+customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some perhaps
+considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to
+one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart and from
+friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest and
+noblest ideas of what is right.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be "the result of much good
+sense, some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of others,
+and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." Again he says:
+"Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general, but in good
+breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established
+only by custom."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-020.png" width="300" height="75" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+<h3>Our Manners.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 121px;">
+<img src="images/n2.png" width="121" height="300" alt="N" title="N" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>O</b></big> one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element
+conducive to worldly success than civility&mdash;that feeling of kindness and
+love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet
+how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms and
+conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions,
+that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner, that mark the true
+gentleman.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNERS AS AN ELEMENT OF SUCCESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the
+bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which, more than any other one
+quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life. The
+success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and
+manner of the man. Though there are a few people who can look beyond the
+rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>hidden
+within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant, judge a
+person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his substantial
+character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we would but
+learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success,
+but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he who has this
+quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed
+where, without it, even men of good ability fail.</p>
+
+<p>A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers.
+Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes,
+while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors
+and closed hearts. Emerson says: "Give a boy address and
+accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes
+wherever he goes; he has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they
+solicit him to enter and possess."</p>
+
+<p>In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners
+are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that
+pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat
+on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does
+not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them,
+if he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or
+has a chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is
+guilty of any of the small incivilities of life, they will not be apt to
+make his shop a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he
+displays.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his
+hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and that
+he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires in his
+patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his
+manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering
+that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great
+an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he
+would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the
+motto, "Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of
+courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a
+true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays
+in her manner a gentleness of spirit.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNER AN INDEX OF CHARACTER.</b></div>
+
+<p>A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact,
+are minor morals; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person.
+The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a better
+index of his character than what he does or says, for it is by the
+incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks,
+tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer
+to judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner
+in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more
+than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride,
+or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>with which
+the person who has done it speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less
+likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly
+said, is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor
+may be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation,
+or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings
+than if it had been ungraciously granted.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TRUE GENTLEMAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must regard
+the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He
+respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to
+respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on
+no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or
+wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his
+achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what
+he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight
+and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those
+small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or
+pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize; he listens
+patiently and respectfully to other men, and, if compelled to dissent
+from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own
+views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him.
+Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>his fellows,
+and, however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease
+in his presence.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TRUE LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Calvert says: "Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by
+culture;" giving as two requisites for the highest breeding, transmitted
+qualities and the culture of good training. He continues: "Of the higher
+type of ladyhood may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth
+Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the
+attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood
+implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady
+there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself
+with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into
+it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow
+self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are
+admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the
+refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity,
+the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech
+and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every
+legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnancy of light over
+obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains ever made are
+spiritual gains&mdash;a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal,
+of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest and most
+characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension, a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>growing
+out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity,
+benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of
+truthfulness."</p>
+
+<p>Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever the young find themselves in
+the company of those who do not make them feel at ease, they should know
+that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen, but
+of pretenders; that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the
+society of the well-bred.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE IMPORTANCE OF TRIFLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as
+trifles; but trifles, it must be remembered, make up the aggregate of
+human life. The petty incivilities, slight rudenesses and neglects of
+which men are guilty, without thought, or from lack of foresight or
+sympathy, are often remembered, while the great acts performed by the
+same persons are often forgotten. There is no society where smiles,
+pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more
+importance than sallies of wit, or refinements of understanding. The
+little civilities, which form the small change of life may appear
+separately of little moment, but, like the spare pennies which amount to
+such large fortunes in a lifetime, they owe their importance to
+repetition and accumulation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VALUE OF PLEASING MANNERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The man who succeeds in any calling in life is almost invariably he who
+has shown a willingness to please and to be pleased, who has responded
+heartily to the advan<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>ces of others, through nature and habit, while his
+rival has sniffed and frowned and snubbed away every helping hand. "The
+charming manners of the Duke of Marlborough," it is said, "often changed
+an enemy to a friend, and to be denied a favor by him was more pleasing
+than to receive one from another. It was these personal graces that made
+him both rich and great. His address was so exquisitely fascinating as
+to dissolve fierce jealousies and animosities, lull suspicion and
+beguile the subtlest diplomacy of its arts. His fascinating smile and
+winning tongue, equally with his sharp sword, swayed the destinies of
+empires." The gracious manners of Charles James Fox preserved him from
+personal dislike, even when he had gambled away his last shilling, and
+politically, was the most unpopular man in England.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNERS AND PERSONAL APPEARANCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A charming manner not only enhances personal beauty, but even hides
+ugliness and makes plainness agreeable. An ill-favored countenance is
+not necessarily a stumbling-block, at the outset, to its owner, which
+cannot be surmounted, for who does not know how much a happy manner
+often does to neutralize the ill effects of forbidding looks? The
+fascination of the demagogue Wilkes's manner triumphed over both
+physical and moral deformity, rendering even his ugliness agreeable; and
+he boasted to Lord Townsend, one of the handsomest men in Great Britain,
+that "with half an hour's start he would get ahead of his lordship in
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>affections of any woman in the kingdom." The ugliest Frenchman,
+perhaps, that ever lived was Mirabeau; yet such was the witchery of his
+manner, that the belt of no gay Lothario was hung with a greater number
+of bleeding female hearts than this "thunderer of the tribune," whose
+looks were so hideous that he was compared to a tiger pitted with the
+small-pox.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORTUNES MADE BY PLEASING MANNERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Pleasing manners have made the fortunes of men in all professions and in
+every walk of life&mdash;of lawyers, doctors, clergymen, merchants, clerks
+and mechanics&mdash;and instances of this are so numerous that they may be
+recalled by almost any person. The politician who has the advantage of a
+courteous, graceful and pleasing manner finds himself an easy winner in
+the race with rival candidates, for every voter with whom he speaks
+becomes instantly his friend. Civility is to a man what beauty is to a
+woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf, while
+gruffness or coarseness excites as quick a prejudice against him. It is
+an ornament, worth more as a means of winning favor than the finest
+clothes and jewels ever worn. Lord Chesterfield said the art of pleasing
+is, in truth, the art of rising, of distinguishing one's self, of making
+a figure and a fortune in the world. Some years ago a drygoods salesman
+in a London shop had acquired such a reputation for courtesy and
+exhaustless patience, that it was said to be impossible to provoke from
+him any expression of irritability, or the smallest symptom of vexation.
+A lady of rank learning <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>of his wonderful equanimity, determined to put
+it to the test by all the annoyances with which a veteran shop-visitor
+knows how to tease a shopman. She failed in her attempt to vex or
+irritate him, and thereupon set him up in business. He rose to eminence
+in trade, and the main spring of his later, as of his earlier career,
+was politeness. Hundreds of men, like this salesman, have owed their
+start in life wholly to their pleasing address and manners.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CULTIVATION OF GOOD MANNERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The cultivation of pleasing, affable manners should be an important part
+of the education of every person of whatever calling or station in life.
+Many people think that if they have only the substance, the form is of
+little consequence. But manners are a compound of spirit and
+form&mdash;spirit acted into form. The first law of good manners, which
+epitomizes all the rest is, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
+True courtesy is simply the application of this golden rule to all our
+social conduct, or, as it has been happily defined, "real kindness,
+kindly expressed." It may be met in the hut of the Arab, in the
+courtyard of the Turk, in the hovel of the freedman, and the cottage of
+the Irishman. Even Christian men sometimes fail in courtesy, deeming it
+a mark of weakness, or neglecting it from mere thoughtlessness. Yet when
+we find this added to the other virtues of the Christian, it will be
+noted that his influence for good upon others has been powerfully
+increased, for it was by this that he obtained access to the hearts of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>others. An old English writer said reverently of our Saviour: "He was
+the first true gentleman that ever lived." The influence of many good
+men would be more than doubled if they could manage to be less stiff and
+more elastic. Gentleness in society, it has been truly said, "is like
+the silent influence of light which gives color to all nature; it is far
+more powerful than loudness or force, and far more fruitful. It pushes
+its way silently and persistently like the tiniest daffodil in spring,
+which raises the clod and thrusts it aside by the simple persistence of
+growing."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>POLITENESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Politeness is kindness of manner. This is the outgrowth of kindness of
+heart, of nobleness, and of courage. But in some persons we find an
+abundance of courage, nobleness and kindness of heart, without kindness
+of manner, and we can only think and speak of them as not only impolite,
+but even rude and gruff. Such a man was Dr. Johnson, whose rudeness
+secured for him the nickname of Ursa Major, and of whom Goldsmith
+truthfully remarked, "No man alive has a more tender heart; he has
+nothing of the bear about him but his skin." To acquire that ease and
+grace of manners which is possessed by and which distinguishes every
+well-bred person, one must think of others rather than of himself, and
+study to please them even at his own inconvenience. "Do unto others as
+you would that others should do unto you"&mdash;the golden rule of life&mdash;is
+also the law of politeness, and such politeness <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>implies self-sacrifice,
+many struggles and conflicts. It is an art and tact, rather than an
+instinct and inspiration. An eminent divine has said: "A noble and
+attractive every-day bearing comes of goodness, of sincerity, of
+refinement. And these are bred in years, not moments. The principle that
+rules our life is the sure posture-master. Sir Philip Sidney was the
+pattern to all England of a perfect gentleman; but then he was the hero
+that, on the field of Zutphen, pushed away the cup of cold water from
+his own fevered and parched lips, and held it out to the dying soldier
+at his side." A Christian by the very conditions of his creed, and the
+obligations of his faith is, of necessity, in mind and soul&mdash;and
+therefore in word and act&mdash;a gentleman, but a man may be polite without
+being a Christian.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-031.png" width="300" height="147" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+<h3>Introductions.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;">
+<img src="images/a.png" width="120" height="300" alt="A" title="A" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>N</b></big> acquaintanceship or friendship usually begins by means of
+introductions, though it is by no means uncommon that when it has taken
+place under other circumstances&mdash;without introduction&mdash;it has been a
+great advantage to both parties; nor can it be said that it is improper
+to begin an acquaintance in this way. The formal introduction has been
+called the highway to the beginning of friendship, and the "scraped"
+acquaintance the by-path.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROMISCUOUS INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>There is a large class of people who introduce friends and acquaintances
+to everybody they meet, whether at home or abroad, while walking or
+riding out. Such promiscuous introductions are neither necessary,
+desirable, nor at all times agreeable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AN INTRODUCTION A SOCIAL ENDORSEMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is to be remembered that an introduction is regarded as a social
+endorsement of the person intro<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>duced, and that, under certain
+circumstances, it would be wrong to introduce to our friends casual
+acquaintances, of whom we know nothing, and who may afterwards prove to
+be anything but desirable persons to know. Care should be taken,
+therefore, in introducing two individuals, that the introduction be
+mutually agreeable. Whenever it is practicable, it is best to settle the
+point by inquiring beforehand. When this is inexpedient from any cause,
+a thorough acquaintance with both parties will warrant the introducer to
+judge of the point for him or herself.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>UNIVERSAL INTRODUCTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>While the habit of universal introductions is a bad one, there are many
+men in cities and villages who are not at all particular whom they
+introduce to each other. As a general rule, a man should be as careful
+about the character of the person he introduces to his friends, as he is
+of him whose notes he would endorse.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE INTRODUCTION OF A GENTLEMAN TO A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should not be introduced to a lady, unless her permission
+has been previously obtained, and no one should ever be introduced into
+the house of a friend, except permission is first granted. Such
+introductions, however, are frequent, but they are improper, for a
+person cannot know that an introduction of this kind will be agreeable.
+If a person asks you to introduce him to another, or a gentleman asks to
+be introduced to a lady, and you find the introduction would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>not be
+agreeable to the other party, you may decline on the grounds that you
+are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty.</p>
+
+<p>When a gentleman is introduced to a lady, both bow slightly, and the
+gentleman opens conversation. It is the place of the one who is
+introduced to make the first remark.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INFORMAL INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship should wait a formal
+introduction. Persons meeting at the house of a common friend may
+consider that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of
+acquaintanceship, if there appears to be a mutual inclination toward
+such acquaintanceship. The presence of a person in a friend's house is a
+sufficient guaranty for his or her respectability. Gentlemen and ladies
+may form acquaintances in traveling, on a steamboat, in a railway car,
+or a stage-coach, without the formality of an introduction. Such
+acquaintanceship should be conducted with a certain amount of reserve,
+and need not be prolonged beyond the time of casual meeting. The
+slightest approach to disrespect or familiarity should be checked by
+dignified silence. A young lady, however, is not accorded the same
+privilege of forming acquaintances as is a married or elderly lady, and
+should be careful about doing so.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is the part of the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their
+guests, though guests may, with perfect <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>propriety, introduce each
+other, or, as already intimated, may converse with one another without
+the ceremony of a formal introduction. A gentleman, before introducing
+his friends to ladies, should obtain permission of the latter to do so,
+unless he is perfectly sure, from his knowledge of the ladies, that the
+introductions will be agreeable. The ladies should always grant such
+permission, unless there is a strong reason for refusing. The French,
+and to some extent the English, dispense with introductions at a private
+ball. The fact that they have been invited to meet each other is
+regarded as a guaranty that they are fit to be mutually acquainted, and
+is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction. At a public ball partners
+must be introduced to each other. Special introducing may be made with
+propriety by the master of ceremonies. At public balls it is well for
+ladies to dance only, or for the most part, with gentlemen of their own
+party, or those with whom they have had a previous acquaintance.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE MANNER OF INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>The proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady,
+the younger to the older, the inferior in social standing to the
+superior. In introducing, you bow to the lady and say, "Miss C., allow
+me to introduce to you Mr. D. Mr. D., Miss C." It is the duty of Mr. D.
+upon bowing to say, "It gives me great pleasure to form your
+acquaintance, Miss C.," or a remark of this nature.</p>
+
+<p>If gentlemen are to be introduced to one another, the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>form is, "Col.
+Blank, permit me to introduce to you Mr. Cole. Mr. Cole, Col. Blank."
+The exact words of an introduction are immaterial, so long as the proper
+form and order is preserved.</p>
+
+<p>The word "present" is often used in place of "introduce." While it is
+customary to repeat the names of the two parties introduced at the close
+of the introduction, it is often omitted as a useless formality. It is
+of the utmost importance that each name should be spoken distinctly. If
+either of the parties does not distinctly hear the name of the other he
+should say at once, without hesitation or embarrassment, before making
+the bow, "I beg your pardon; I did not catch (or understand) the name,"
+when it may be repeated to him.</p>
+
+<p>If several persons are to be introduced to one individual, mention the
+name of the single individual first, and then call the others in
+succession, bowing slightly as each name is pronounced.</p>
+
+<p>It is the part of true politeness, after introductions, to explain to
+each person introduced something of the business or residence of each,
+as they will assist in opening conversation. Or, if one party has
+recently returned from a foreign trip, it is courteous to say so.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>While it is not necessary to introduce people who chance to meet in your
+house during a morning call; yet, if there is no reason for supposing
+that such an introduction will be objectionable to either party, it
+seems better to give it, as it sets both parties at ease in
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>conversation. Acquaintanceship may or may not follow such an
+introduction, at the option of the parties. People who meet at the house
+of a mutual friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances if
+they meet again elsewhere, unless they choose to do so.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCING RELATIVES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In introducing members of your own family, be careful not only to
+specify the degree of relationship, but to give the name also. It is
+awkward to a stranger to be introduced to "My brother Tom," or "My
+sister Carrie." When either the introducer or the introduced is a
+married lady, the name of the party introduced can only be guessed at.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BESTOWING OF TITLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In introducing a person give him his appropriate title. If he is a
+clergyman, say "The Rev. Mr. Clark." If a doctor of divinity, say "The
+Rev. Dr. Clark." If he is a member of Congress, call him "Honorable,"
+and specify to which branch of Congress he belongs. If he is governor of
+a State, mention what State. If he is a man of any celebrity in the
+world of art or letters, it is well to mention the fact something after
+this manner: "Mr. Fish, the artist, whose pictures you have frequently
+seen," or "Mr. Hart, author of 'Our Future State,' which you so greatly
+admired."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OBLIGATORY INTRODUCTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, and
+courtesy requires the latter to cultivate <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>the acquaintance while your
+visitor remains with you. If you are the caller introduced, you must
+show the same attention to the friend of your friend that you wish shown
+your own friends under the same circumstances. Persons meeting at public
+places need not introduce each other to the strangers who may chance to
+be with them; and, even if the introduction does take place, the
+acquaintance need not be continued unless desired.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE OBLIGATION OF AN INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain
+claims upon one another's acquaintance which should be recognized,
+unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even in that
+case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting,
+which, of itself, encourages no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person
+will meet another with a stare.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE SALUTATION AFTER INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>A slight bow is all that is required by courtesy, after an introduction.
+Shaking hands is optional, and it should rest with the older, or the
+superior in social standing to make the advances. It is often an act of
+kindness on their part, and as such to be commended. It is a common
+practice among gentlemen, when introduced to one another, to shake
+hands, and as it evinces more cordiality than a mere bow, is generally
+to be preferred. An unmarried lady should not shake hands with gentlemen
+indiscriminately.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FIRST TO RECOGNIZE.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is the privilege of the lady to determine whether she will recognize
+a gentleman after an introduction, and he is bound to return the bow. In
+bowing to a lady on the street, it is not enough that a gentleman should
+touch his hat, he should lift it from his head.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE "CUT DIRECT."</b></div>
+
+<p>The "cut direct," which is given by a prolonged stare at a person, if
+justified at all, can only be in case of extraordinary and notoriously
+bad conduct on the part of the individual "cut," and is very seldom
+called for. If any one wishes to avoid a bowing acquaintance with
+another, it can be done by looking aside or dropping the eyes. It is an
+invariable rule of good society, that a gentleman cannot "cut" a lady
+under any circumstances, but circumstances may arise when he may be
+excused for persisting in not meeting her eyes, for if their eyes meet,
+he must bow.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MEETING IN THE STREET.</b></div>
+
+<p>If, while walking with one friend, in the street, you meet another and
+stop a moment to speak with the latter, it is not necessary to introduce
+the two who are strangers to one another; but, when you separate, the
+friend who accompanies you gives a parting salutation, the same as
+yourself. The same rule applies if the friend you meet chances to be a
+lady.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCING YOURSELF.</b></div>
+
+<p>If, on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you are not recognized,
+mention your name immediately. If you know but one member of the family
+and you find others only in the room, introduce yourself to them. Unless
+this is done, much awkwardness may be occasioned.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ABOUT SHAKING HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, she should merely bow but not
+give her hand, unless the gentleman is a well known friend of some
+member of the family. In that case she may do so if she pleases, as a
+mark of esteem or respect. A gentleman must not offer to shake hands
+with a lady until she has made the first movement.</p>
+
+<p>A married lady should extend her hand upon being introduced to a
+stranger brought to her house by her husband, or by a common friend, as
+an evidence of her cordial welcome.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Friendly letters of introduction should only be given to personal
+friends, introducing them, and only addressed to those with whom the
+writer has a strong personal friendship. It is not only foolish, but
+positively dangerous to give such a letter to a person with whom the
+writer is but slightly acquainted, as you may thus give your countenance
+and endorsement to a person who will take advantage of your carelessness
+to bring you into embarrassing and mortifying positions. Again, you
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>should never address a letter of introduction to any but an intimate
+friend of long standing, and even then it should not be done, unless you
+are perfectly satisfied that the person you are to introduce will be an
+agreeable and congenial person for your friend to meet, as it would be
+very annoying to send to your friend a visitor who would prove to him
+disagreeable. Even amongst friends of long standing such letters should
+be given very cautiously and sparingly.</p>
+
+<p>The form of letters of introduction is given in the chapter on
+"Letter-writing."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DELIVERING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not necessary to deliver a friendly letter of introduction to a
+person who resides in another town. It is better to send it to the
+person to whom it is directed, on your arrival, accompanied by your card
+of address. If he wishes to comply with the request of his friend he
+will call upon you, and give you an invitation to visit him;
+circumstances, however, might render it exceedingly inconvenient, or
+impossible for the person to whom the letter is addressed, to call upon
+you; consequently a neglect to call need not be considered a mark of
+ill-breeding, though by some people it is so considered. The person
+addressed must consult his own feelings in the matter, and while aiming
+to do what is right, he is not bound to sacrifice business or other
+important matters to attend to the entertainment of a friend's friend.
+In such a case he may send his own card to the address <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>of the person
+bearing the letter of introduction, and the latter is at liberty to call
+upon him at his leisure.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DUTY OF THE PERSON ADDRESSED.</b></div>
+
+<p>In Europe it is the custom for a person with a letter of introduction to
+make the first call, but in this country we think that a stranger should
+never be made to feel that he is begging our attention, and that it is
+indelicate for him to intrude until he is positive that his company
+would be agreeable. Consequently, if it is your wish and in your power
+to welcome any one recommended to you by letter from a friend, or to
+show your regard for your friend's friend, you must call upon him with
+all possible dispatch, after you receive his letter of introduction, and
+give him as hospitable a reception and entertainment as it is possible
+to give, and such as you would be pleased to receive were you in his
+place.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION FOR BUSINESS PURPOSES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Letters of introduction to and from business men may be delivered by the
+bearers in person, and etiquette does not require the receiver to
+entertain the person introduced as a friend of the writer. It is
+entirely optional with the person to whom the latter is introduced how
+he welcomes him, or whether he entertains him or not, though his
+courtesy would be apt to suggest that some kind attentions should be
+paid him.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+<h3>Salutations.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/c.png" width="118" height="300" alt="C" title="C" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>ARLYLE</b></big> says: "What we call 'formulas' are not in their origin bad; they
+are indisputably good. Formula is method, habitude; found wherever man
+is found. Formulas fashion themselves as paths do, as beaten highways
+leading toward some sacred, high object, whither many men are bent.
+Consider it: One man full of heartfelt, earnest impulse finds out a way
+of doing something&mdash;were it uttering his soul's reverence for the
+Highest, <i>were it but of fitly saluting his fellow-man</i>. An inventor was
+needed to do that, a poet; he has articulated the dim, struggling
+thought that dwelt in his own and many hearts. This is the way of doing
+that. These are his footsteps, the beginning of a 'path.' And now see
+the second man travels naturally in the footsteps of his foregoer; it is
+the easiest method. In the footsteps of his foregoer, yet with his
+improvements, with changes where such seem good; at all events with
+enlargements, the path ever widening itself as more <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>travel it, till at
+last there is a broad highway, whereon the whole world may travel and
+drive."<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SALUTATION ORIGINALLY AN ACT OF WORSHIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady writer of distinction says of salutations: "It would seem that
+good manners were originally the expression of submission from the
+weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salutation is
+to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and
+signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar, date from those
+earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated
+his allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for example, the words
+'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and originally
+meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title
+of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France,
+who, as Selden has said, 'affected rather to be styled by the name of
+sire than baron, as <i>Le Sire de Montmorenci</i> and the like.' 'Madam' or
+'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am,' and by Mrs. Gamp and her
+tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your
+highness,' <i>madame</i> originally meaning high-born, or stately, and being
+applied only to ladies of the highest rank.</p>
+
+<p>"To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our hats on
+visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We
+rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our
+friend as he passes the window or drives away from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>our door. The
+Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays
+a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a
+chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a
+Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, an historical
+significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as
+it is from <i>salutatio</i>, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his
+patron, suggests in itself a history of manners.</p>
+
+<p>"To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and
+rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's courtesy is a modified
+genuflection. Rising and standing are acts of homage; and when we wave
+our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street, we are
+unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to
+stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods, solemnly moving the
+right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.'
+Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady&mdash;a custom
+evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed his iron gauntlet, the
+pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair
+<i>chatelaine</i>; and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled
+down to us as a point of etiquette."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SALUTATIONS OF DIFFERENT NATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is
+the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against
+yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation.
+They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse
+him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol
+over the person's head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you
+perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low and
+inquires, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir,"
+or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in
+holiness." The German asks, "How goes it with you?" The Frenchman bows
+profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself."</p>
+
+<p>Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent
+kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the
+necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a
+curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against
+publicity in kissing.</p>
+
+<p>In England and America there are three modes of salutation&mdash;the bow, the
+handshaking and the kiss.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BOW.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is said: "A bow is a note drawn at sight. You are bound to
+acknowledge it immediately, and to the full amount." It should be
+respectful, cordial, civil or familiar, according to circumstances.
+Between gentlemen, an inclination of the head, a gesture of the hand, or
+the mere touching of the hat is sufficient; but in bowing to a lady, the
+hat must be lifted from the head. If you know people slightly, you
+recognize them <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>slightly; if you know them well, you bow with more
+familiarity. The body is not bent at all in bowing; the inclination of
+the head is all that is necessary.</p>
+
+<p>If the gentleman is smoking, he withdraws his cigar from his mouth
+before lifting his hat to a lady, or if he should happen to have his
+hand in his pocket he removes it.</p>
+
+<p>At the moment of the first meeting of the eyes of an acquaintance you
+bow. Any one who has been introduced to you, or any one to whom you have
+been introduced, is entitled to this mark of respect.</p>
+
+<p>The bow is the touchstone of good breeding, and to neglect it, even to
+one with whom you may have a trifling difference, shows deficiency in
+cultivation and in the instincts of refinement. A bow does not entail a
+calling acquaintance. Its entire neglect reveals the character and
+training of the person; the manner of its observance reveals the very
+shades of breeding that exist between the ill-bred and the well-bred.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RETURNING A BOW.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her, whether by a
+lady or gentleman (lifting his hat not too far from his head), although
+the one bowing is an entire stranger to him.</p>
+
+<p>It is civility to return a bow, although you do not know the one who is
+bowing to you. Either the one who bows, knows you, or has mistaken you
+for some one else. In either case you should return the bow, and
+probably the mistake will be discovered to have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>occurred for want of
+quick recognition on your own part, or from some resemblance that you
+bear to another.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE MANNER OF BOWING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The manner in which the salutation of recognition is made, may be
+regarded as an unerring test of the breeding, training, or culture of a
+person. It should be prompt as soon as the eyes meet, whether on the
+street or in a room. The intercourse need go no further, but that bow
+must be made. There are but few laws which have better reasons for their
+observance than this. This rule holds good under all circumstances,
+whether within doors or without. Those who abstain from bowing at one
+time, and bow at another, should not be surprised to find that the
+person whom they have neglected, has avoided the continuation of their
+acquaintance.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF YOUNG TO OLDER PEOPLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Having once had an introduction that entitles to recognition, it is the
+duty of the person to recall himself or herself to the recollection of
+the older person, if there is much difference in age, by bowing each
+time of meeting, until the recognition becomes mutual. As persons
+advance in life, they look for these attentions upon the part of the
+young. Persons who have large circles of acquaintance, often confuse the
+faces of the young whom they know with the familiar faces which they
+meet and do not know, and from frequent errors of this kind, they get
+into the habit of waiting to catch some look or gesture of recognition.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO AVOID RECOGNITION.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a person desires to avoid a bowing acquaintance with a person who has
+been properly introduced, he may do so by looking aside, or dropping the
+eyes as the person approaches, for, if the eyes meet, there is no
+alternative, bow he must.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ON PUBLIC PROMENADES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Bowing once to a person upon a public promenade or drive is all that
+civility requires. If the person is a friend, it is in better form, the
+second and subsequent passings, should you catch his or her eye, to
+smile slightly instead of bowing repeatedly. If an acquaintance, it is
+best to avert the eyes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A SMILING BOW.</b></div>
+
+<p>A bow should never be accompanied by a broad smile, even when you are
+well acquainted, and yet a high authority well says: "You should never
+speak to an acquaintance without a smile in your eyes."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DEFERENCE TO ELDERLY PEOPLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady that a
+gentleman does to a lady. It may also be said that a young man should
+show proper deference to elderly gentlemen.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WORDS OF SALUTATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>The words commonly used in saluting a person are "Good Morning," "Good
+Afternoon," "Good Evening,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span> "How do you do" (sometimes contracted into
+"Howdy" and "How dye do,") and "How are you." The three former are most
+appropriate, as it seems somewhat absurd to ask after a person's health,
+unless you stop to receive an answer. A respectful bow should accompany
+the words.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHAKING HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial
+expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it
+is not forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaintanceship has
+reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING.</b></div>
+
+<p>An authority upon this subject says: "The etiquette of handshaking is
+simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He
+has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two young ladies shake hands
+gently and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does not shake a
+gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give
+her hand; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do so seated. On
+introduction in a room, a married lady generally offers her hand; a
+young lady, not. In a ball-room, where the introduction is to dancing,
+not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an
+introduction is not followed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may
+perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the
+less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if
+it be accompanied by personal recom<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>mendation, such as, 'I want you to
+know my friend Jones,' or if Jones comes with a letter of presentation,
+then you give Jones your hand, and warmly, too. Lastly, it is the
+privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an
+inferior should never put his forward first."</p>
+
+<p>When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she
+should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be
+equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, and even more
+warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive
+familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such.</p>
+
+<p>In shaking hands, the right hand should always be offered, unless it be
+so engaged as to make it impossible, and then an excuse should be
+offered. The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart.</p>
+
+<p>The mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest invited
+to her house.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman must not shake hands with a lady until she has made the
+first move in that direction. It is a mark of rudeness not to give his
+hand instantly, should she extend her own. A married lady should always
+extend her hand to a stranger brought to her house by a common friend,
+as an evidence of her cordial welcome. Where an introduction is for
+dancing there is no shaking of hands.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE KISS.</b></div>
+
+<p>This is the most affectionate form of salutation, and is only proper
+among near relations and dear friends.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE KISS OF FRIENDSHIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead.
+In this country this act of affection is generally excluded from public
+eyes, and in the case of parents and children and near relations, it is
+perhaps unnecessarily so.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KISSING IN PUBLIC.</b></div>
+
+<p>The custom which has become quite prevalent of women kissing each other
+whenever they meet in public, is regarded as vulgar, and by ladies of
+delicacy and refinement is entirely avoided.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE KISS OF RESPECT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The kiss of respect&mdash;almost obsolete in this country&mdash;is made on the
+hand. The custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most
+courtly manners in England.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-052.png" width="350" height="162" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of Calls.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HERE</b></big> are calls of ceremony, of condolence, of congratulation and of
+friendship. All but the latter are usually of short duration. The call
+of friendship is usually of less formality and may be of some length.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MORNING CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>"Morning calls," as they are termed, should not be made earlier than 12
+<span class="smcap">p.m.</span>, nor later than 5 <span class="smcap">p.m.</span></p>
+
+<p>A morning call should not exceed half an hour in length. From ten to
+twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough. If other visitors come
+in, the visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon leaving,
+bow slightly to the strangers.</p>
+
+<p>In making a call be careful to avoid the luncheon and dinner hour of
+your friends. From two until five is ordinarily the most convenient time
+for morning calls.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EVENING CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is sometimes more convenient for both the caller and those called
+upon that the call should be made in the evening. An evening call should
+never be made later than nine o'clock, nor be prolonged after ten,
+neither should it exceed an hour in length.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RULES FOR FORMAL CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The lady of the house rises upon the entrance of her visitors, who at
+once advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others. If
+too many callers are present to enable her to take the lead in
+conversation, she pays special attention to the latest arrivals,
+watching to see that no one is left alone, and talking to each of her
+guests in succession, or seeing that some one is doing so.</p>
+
+<p>A lady who is not in her own house does not rise, either on the arrival
+or departure of ladies, unless there is some great difference of age.
+Attention to the aged is one of the marks of good breeding which is
+never neglected by the thoughtful and refined.</p>
+
+<p>It is not customary to introduce residents of the same city, unless the
+hostess knows that an introduction will be agreeable to both parties.
+Strangers in the place are always introduced.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies and gentlemen who meet in the drawing-room of a common friend are
+privileged to speak to each other without an introduction; though
+gentlemen generally prefer to ask for introductions. When introduced <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>to
+any one, bow slightly, and enter at once into conversation. It shows a
+lack of good breeding not to do so.</p>
+
+<p>When introductions are given, it is the gentleman who should be
+presented to the lady; when two ladies are introduced, it is the younger
+who is presented to the older.</p>
+
+<p>A lady receiving gives her hand to a stranger as to a friend, when she
+wishes to bestow some mark of cordiality in welcoming a guest to her
+home, but a gentleman should not take the initiatory in handshaking. It
+is the lady's privilege to give or withhold, as she chooses.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman rises when those ladies with whom he is talking rise to take
+their leave. He also rises upon the entrance of ladies, but he does not
+offer seats to those entering, unless in his own house, or unless
+requested to do so by the hostess, and then he does not offer his own
+chair if others are available.</p>
+
+<p>A call should not be less than fifteen minutes in duration, nor should
+it be so long as to become tedious. A bore is a person who does not know
+when you have had enough of his or her company, and gives more of it
+than is desirable. Choose a time to leave when there is a lull in the
+conversation, and the hostess is not occupied with fresh arrivals. Then
+take leave of your hostess, bowing to those you know as you leave the
+room, not to each in turn, but let one bow include all.</p>
+
+<p>Calls ought to be made within three days after a dinner or tea party, if
+it is a first invitation; and if not, within a week. After a party or a
+ball, whether <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>you have accepted the invitation or not, you call within
+a week.</p>
+
+<p>A lady who has no regular reception day will endeavor to receive callers
+at any time. If she is occupied, she will instruct her servant to say
+that she is engaged; but a visitor once admitted into the house must be
+seen at any inconvenience.</p>
+
+<p>A lady should never keep a caller waiting without sending to see whether
+a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience the caller. Servants should
+be instructed to return and announce to the person waiting that the lady
+will be down immediately. Any delay whatever should be apologized for.</p>
+
+<p>If, on making a call, you are introduced into a room where you are
+unknown to those assembled, at once give your name and mention upon whom
+your call is made.</p>
+
+<p>In meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you cannot recall, frankly say
+so, if you find it necessary. Sensible persons will prefer to recall
+themselves to your memory rather than to feel that you are talking to
+them without fully recognizing them. To affect not to remember a person
+is despicable, and reflects only on the pretender.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen, as well as ladies, when making formal calls, send in but one
+card, no matter how many members of the family they may wish to see. If
+a guest is stopping at the house, the same rule is observed. If not at
+home, one card is left for the lady, and one for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>the guest. The card
+for the lady may be folded so as to include the family.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RULES FOR SUMMER RESORTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>At places of summer resort, those who own their cottages, call first
+upon those who rent them, and those who rent, in turn, call upon each
+other, according to priority of arrival. In all these cases there are
+exceptions; as, where there is any great difference in ages, the younger
+then calling upon the older, if there has been a previous acquaintance
+or exchange of calls. If there has been no previous acquaintance or
+exchange of calls, the older lady pays the first call, unless she takes
+the initiative by inviting the younger to call upon her, or by sending
+her an invitation to some entertainment, which she is about to give.
+When the occupants of two villas, who have arrived the same season, meet
+at the house of a common friend, and the older of the two uses her
+privilege of inviting the other to call, it would be a positive rudeness
+not to call; and the sooner the call is made, the more civil will it be
+considered. It is equally rude, when one lady asks permission of another
+to bring a friend to call, and then neglects to do it, after permission
+has been given. If the acquaintance is not desired, the first call can
+be the last.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS MADE BY CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Only calls of pure ceremony&mdash;such as are made previous to an
+entertainment on those persons who are not to be invited, and to whom
+you are indebted for any <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>attentions&mdash;are made by handing in cards; nor
+can a call in person be returned by cards. Exceptions to this rule
+comprise P.P.C. calls, cards left or sent by persons in mourning, and
+those which announce a lady's day for receiving calls, on her return to
+town, after an absence.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECEPTION DAYS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some ladies receive only on certain days or evenings, which are once a
+week, once a fortnight, or once a month as the case may be, and the time
+is duly announced by cards. When a lady has made this rule it is
+considerate, on the part of her friends, to observe it, for it is
+sometimes regarded as an intrusion to call at any other time. The reason
+of her having made this rule may have been to prevent the loss of too
+much time from her duties, in the receiving of calls from her friends.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS AFTER BETROTHAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a betrothal takes place and it is formally announced to the
+relatives and friends on both sides, calls of congratulation follow. The
+bridegroom that is to be, is introduced by the family of the proposed
+bride to their connections and most intimate friends, and his family in
+return introduce her to relatives and acquaintances whom they desire her
+to know. The simplest way of bringing this about is by the parents
+leaving the cards of the betrothed, with their own, upon all families on
+their visiting list whom they wish to have the betrothed pair visit.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CARDS AND CALLS OF STRANGERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their
+acquaintances, bearing their direction, as an announcement that they are
+in the city. This rule is often neglected, but, unless it is observed,
+strangers may be a long time in town without their presence being known.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RETURNING A FIRST CALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>A first call ought to be returned within three or four days. A longer
+delay than a week is considered an intimation that you are unwilling to
+accept the new acquaintance, unless some excuse for the remissness is
+made.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORMING ACQUAINTANCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>In an event of exchange of calls between two ladies, without meeting,
+who are known to each other only by sight, they should upon the first
+opportunity, make themselves acquainted with one another. The younger
+should seek the older, or the one who has been the recipient of the
+first attention should introduce herself, or seek an introduction, but
+it is not necessary to stand upon ceremony on such points. Ladies
+knowing each other by sight, bow, after an exchange of cards.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FIRST CALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>When it becomes a question as to who shall call first, between old
+residents, the older should take the initiatory. Ladies, who have been
+in the habit of meeting for sometime without exchanging calls, sometimes
+say <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>to each other: "I hope you will come and see me!" and often the
+answer is made: "Oh, you must come and see me first!" That answer could
+only be given, with propriety, by a lady who is much the older of the
+two. The lady who extends the invitation makes the first advance, and
+the one who receives it should at least say: "I thank you&mdash;you are very
+kind," and then accept the invitation or not, as it pleases her. It is
+the custom for residents to make the first call upon strangers.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS OF CONGRATULATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may
+have occurred in the family visited&mdash;such as a birth, marriage, or any
+piece of good fortune. Such visits may be made either similar to the
+morning or the evening call. Such visits may also be made upon the
+appointment of friends to any important office or honored position, or
+when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or
+oration.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>P.P.C. CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period, if
+they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by
+making formal calls, they will send to each of their friends a card with
+the letters P.P.C. written upon it. They are the initials of "Pour
+Prendre Conge"&mdash;to take leave&mdash;and may with propriety stand for
+"presents parting compliments." On returning home, it is customary that
+friends <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>should first call upon them. A neglect to do so, unless for
+some good excuse, is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance. In
+taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you
+were paying an ordinary visit.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VISITS OF CONDOLENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which
+occasioned them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after
+the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent in, and if
+your friends are able to receive you, your manners and conversation
+should be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is deemed
+courteous to send in a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls
+in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize
+with the afflictions of the family, and a warm, heartfelt sympathy is
+always appreciated.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EVENING VISITS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted.
+They should not be frequent, even where one is intimate, nor should they
+be protracted to a great length. Frequent visits are apt to become
+tiresome to your friends or acquaintances, and long visits may entitle
+you to the appellation of "bore."</p>
+
+<p>If you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small
+party had assembled, unknown to you, present yourself and converse for a
+few minutes with an unembarrassed air, after which you may leave,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call.
+An invitation to stay and spend the evening, given for the sake of
+courtesy, should not be accepted. If urged very strongly to remain, and
+the company is an informal gathering, you may with propriety consent to
+do so.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls, and take note
+of how soon calls are returned. By doing so, an opinion can be formed as
+to how frequently visits are desired. Instances may occur, when, in
+consequence of age or ill health, calls should be made without any
+reference to their being returned. It must be remembered that nothing
+must interrupt the discharge of this duty.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS OF CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Among relatives and friends, calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It
+is, however, needful to make suitable calls, and to avoid staying too
+long, if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should be
+maintained among the nearest friends, and even the domestic circle.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>"ENGAGED" OR "NOT AT HOME."</b></div>
+
+<p>If a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should
+charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is
+"engaged" or "not at home." This will prove sufficient with all
+well-bred people.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The servant should have her orders to say "engaged" or "not at home"
+before any one has called, so that the lady shall avoid all risk of
+being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has
+intended to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made in favor of
+any individual or individuals, mention their names specially to the
+servant, adding that you will see them if they call, but to all others
+you are "engaged."</p>
+
+<p>A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company,
+and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet.</p>
+
+<p>A well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time
+they call, or whoever they may be, but there are times when it is
+impossible to do so, and then, of course, a servant is instructed
+beforehand to say "not at home" to the visitor. If, however, the servant
+admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor, it is
+the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience
+it may be to herself.</p>
+
+<p>When you call upon persons, and are informed at the door that the
+parties whom you ask for are engaged, you should never insist in an
+attempt to be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements
+which they have made for their convenience, and to protect themselves
+from interruption. However intimate you may be in any house you have no
+right, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no
+exception has been made of you, to violate that exclusion, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>declare
+that the party should be at home to you. There are times and seasons
+when a person desires to be left entirely alone, and at such times there
+is no friendship for which she would give up her occupation or her
+solitude.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES REGARDING CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in
+his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table
+or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some
+cause to set it down. In that case, place it upon the floor. An umbrella
+should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call, the hat,
+gloves, overcoat and cane may be left in the hall.</p>
+
+<p>A lady, in making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with
+her, without previous permission. A gentleman, however, should never
+take the same liberty.</p>
+
+<p>No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is
+found dressed ready to go out.</p>
+
+<p>A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than
+for an ordinary walk.</p>
+
+<p>A lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business,
+officially or professionally.</p>
+
+<p>Never allow young children, dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in
+a call. They often prove disagreeable and troublesome.</p>
+
+<p>Two persons out of one family, or at most three, are all that should
+call together.</p>
+
+<p>It is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>callers. In the
+country, where the caller has come from some distance, it is exceedingly
+hospitable to do so.</p>
+
+<p>Calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration,
+than those made in the city.</p>
+
+<p>A person making a call should not, while waiting for a hostess, touch an
+open piano, walk about the room examining pictures, nor handle any
+ornament in the room.</p>
+
+<p>If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the
+acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early
+date.</p>
+
+<p>Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called,
+but wait for an invitation to do so.</p>
+
+<p>In receiving morning calls, it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside
+any employment, not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to
+be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in
+harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much
+better employed than in absolute idleness.</p>
+
+<p>A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of
+unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or
+reputation or advanced age justifies it.</p>
+
+<p>A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman
+should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, nor in a chair in
+immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.</p>
+
+<p>A lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call, even though
+urged to do so. If the call be a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>friendly and unceremonious one, she
+may do so if she thinks proper, but not without an invitation.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call, unless, in
+doing so, he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused.</p>
+
+<p>Formal calls are generally made twice a year; but only once a year is
+binding, when no invitations have been received that require calls in
+return.</p>
+
+<p>In calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house, it is
+customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the
+person called upon.</p>
+
+<p>When a person has once risen to take leave, he should not be persuaded
+to prolong his stay.</p>
+
+<p>Callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune. On the
+other hand, a lady should always receive her callers, at whatever hour
+or day they come, if it is possible to do so.</p>
+
+<p>When a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home, it is
+civility on the part of the lady, upon the occasion of their next
+meeting, to express her regret at not seeing him. He should reciprocate
+the regret, and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly: "Oh, it made no
+particular difference," "it was of no great consequence," or words to
+that effect.</p>
+
+<p>After you have visited a friend at her country seat, or after receiving
+an invitation to visit her, a call is due her upon her return to her
+town residence. This is one of the occasions when a call should be made
+promptly and in person, unless you have a reason for wishing to
+discontinue the acquaintance; even then it would be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>more civil to take
+another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility,
+unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>NEW-YEAR'S CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The custom of New-Year's calling is prevalent in all cities, and most
+villages in the country, and so agreeable a custom is it, that it is
+becoming more in favor every year. This is the day when gentlemen keep
+up their acquaintanceship with ladies and families, some of whom they
+are unable to see, probably, during the whole year. Of late it has been
+customary in many cities to publish in one or more newspapers, a day or
+two before New Years, a list of the ladies who will receive calls on
+that day, and from this list gentlemen arrange their calls. For
+convenience and to add to the pleasure of the day, several ladies
+frequently unite in receiving calls at the residence of one of their
+number, but this is usually done when only one or two members of a
+family can receive. Where there are several members of a family, who can
+do so, they usually receive at their own home.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen call either singly, in couples, by threes or fours and
+sometimes even more, in carriages or on foot, as they choose. Calls
+commence about ten o'clock in the morning, and continue until about nine
+in the evening. When the gentlemen go in parties, they call upon the
+lady friends of each, and if all are not acquainted, those who are,
+introduce the others. The length of a call is usually from five to
+fifteen minutes, but it is often <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>governed by circumstances, and may be
+prolonged to even an hour.</p>
+
+<p>Refreshments are usually provided for the callers, and should always be
+offered, but it is not necessary that they should be accepted. If not
+accepted, an apology should be tendered, with thanks for the offer. The
+refreshments may consist of oysters, raw or scalloped, cold meats,
+salads, fruits, cakes, sandwiches, etc., and hot tea and coffee.</p>
+
+<p>When callers are ushered into the reception-room, they are met by the
+ladies, when introductions are given, and the callers are invited to
+remove their overcoats, but it is optional with them whether they do so
+or not. It is also optional with them whether they remove their gloves.
+When gentlemen are introduced to ladies in making New-Year's calls, they
+are not thereby warranted in calling again upon any of these ladies,
+unless especially invited to do so. It is the lady's pleasure whether
+the acquaintance shall be maintained.</p>
+
+<p>In making New-Year's calls, a gentleman leaves one card, whatever may be
+the number of ladies receiving with the hostess. If there is a basket at
+the door, he leaves a card for each of the ladies at the house,
+including lady guests of the family, provided there are any. The
+New-Year's card should not differ from an ordinary calling card. It
+should be plain, with the name engraved, or printed in neat script. It
+is not now considered in good taste to have "Happy New Year" or other
+words upon it, unless it may be the residence of the gentleman, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>which
+may be printed or written in the right hand corner, if deemed desirable.
+A gentleman does not make calls the first New-Year's after his marriage,
+but receives at home with his wife.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 214px;">
+<img src="images/illus-069.png" width="214" height="250" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of Visiting.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 117px;">
+<img src="images/s.png" width="117" height="300" alt="S" title="S" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>OME</b></big> of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's
+own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here given,
+and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do
+come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness and
+cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be
+definitely fixed and the length of time stated.</p>
+
+<p>A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be
+surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His
+friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full, or
+they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and other
+causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of
+giving general invitations, which really mean nothing, and be scrupulous
+to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LIMIT OF A PROLONGED VISIT.</b></div>
+
+<p>If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to
+limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of
+intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have come
+to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after arrival, so that
+the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they
+desire it, or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance.
+One never likes to ask of a guest, "How long do you intend to remain?"
+yet it is often most desirable to know.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRUE HOSPITALITY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms,
+and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have nothing better
+to give them.</p>
+
+<p>Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in
+empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant as possible,
+at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble
+or inconvenience they may cause you.</p>
+
+<p>Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the
+amusement and entertainment of your guests.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF THE VISITOR.</b></div>
+
+<p>On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as possible
+to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should
+never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever
+allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.</p>
+
+<p>It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the
+morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own,
+without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess;
+for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be
+attended to at this portion of the day, in order to leave the balance of
+the time free for the entertainment of their guests.</p>
+
+<p>If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the
+knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and
+deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of
+them first.</p>
+
+<p>The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests
+as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to
+interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house.</p>
+
+<p>It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the
+entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their
+own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows the
+worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and
+seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to
+join in them or entertain him.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are
+visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you should
+acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your best to seem
+pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.</p>
+
+<p>You should not accept invitations without consulting your host. You
+should not call upon the servants to do errands for you, or to wait upon
+you too much, nor keep the family up after hours of retiring.</p>
+
+<p>If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends, while
+partaking of their hospitality, it should never be mentioned, either
+while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of what
+redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be mutual
+between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either may be
+commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their
+faults.</p>
+
+<p>Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time
+never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your
+visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your friends
+incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or
+toilet around to give trouble to servants.</p>
+
+<p>A lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed, if few or no
+servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she
+can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional
+exertion her visit occasions.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS TO GUESTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess,
+and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless
+the hostess is also invited. Invitations received by the hostess should
+include the guest. Thus, at all places of amusement and entertainment,
+guest and host may be together.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORBEARANCE WITH CHILDREN.</b></div>
+
+<p>A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the
+children in the household where visiting, and should put up with any of
+their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their
+part.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GUESTS MAKING PRESENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is
+visiting, it should be to the hostess, or if to any of the children, to
+the youngest in preference, though it is usually better to give it to
+the mother. Upon returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess,
+she expresses her thanks for the hospitality, and requests to be
+remembered to the family.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TREATMENT OF A HOST'S FRIENDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the
+friends of your host or hostess. If you do not care to be intimate with
+them, you must be careful not to show a dislike for them, or that you
+wish to avoid them. You must be exceedingly polite and agree<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>able to
+them, avoiding any special familiarity, and keep them at a distance
+without hurting their feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that
+you do not like any of their friends.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LEAVE-TAKING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your
+visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform
+your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your
+thanks.</p>
+
+<p>A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend
+agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with
+his own plans, and at the same time convenient to themselves. But when
+the time for departure has been fully fixed upon, no obstacle should be
+placed in the way of leave-taking. Help him in every possible way to
+depart, at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the
+visit at some future period.</p>
+
+<div class='center'>
+"Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest,"<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>expresses the true spirit of hospitality.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-075.png" width="350" height="64" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Visiting and Calling Cards.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;">
+<img src="images/a.png" width="120" height="300" alt="A" title="A" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>N</b></big> authentic writer upon visiting cards says: "To the unrefined or
+underbred, the visiting card is but a trifling and insignificant bit of
+paper; but to the cultured disciple of social law, it conveys a subtle
+and unmistakable intelligence. Its texture, style of engraving, and even
+the hour of leaving it combine to place the stranger, whose name it
+bears, in a pleasant or a disagreeable attitude, even before his
+manners, conversation and face have been able to explain his social
+position. The higher the civilization of a community, the more careful
+it is to preserve the elegance of its social forms. It is quite as easy
+to express a perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities of cards,
+as by any other method, and perhaps, indeed, it is the safest herald of
+an introduction for a stranger. Its texture should be fine, its
+engraving a plain script, its size neither too small, so that its
+recipients shall say to themselves, 'A whimsical person,' nor too large
+to suggest <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>ostentation. Refinement seldom touches extremes in
+anything."<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLING CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A card used in calling should have nothing upon it but the name of the
+caller. A lady's card should not bear her place of residence; such cards
+having, of late, been appropriated by the members of the demi-monde. The
+street and number always look better upon the card of the husband than
+upon that of the wife. When necessary, they can be added in pencil on
+the cards of the wife and daughter. A business card should never be used
+for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix "Dr.," or the affix
+"M.D.," upon his card, and an army or navy officer his rank and branch
+of service.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WEDDING CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married
+couple desire to keep among their acquaintances, and it is then the duty
+of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple.</p>
+
+<p>An ancient custom, but one which has been recently revived, is for the
+friends of the bride and groom to send cards; these are of great variety
+in size and design, and resemble Christmas or Easter cards but are
+usually more artistic.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHRISTMAS AND EASTER CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A very charming custom that is coming into vogue is the giving or
+sending of Easter and Christmas cards. These are of such elegant designs
+and variety of colors <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>that the stationer takes great pride in
+decorating his shop windows with them; indeed some of them are so
+elegant as to resemble oil paintings. Books and other small offerings
+may accompany cards as a token of remembrance.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARDS TO SERVE FOR CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A person may make a card serve the purpose of a call, and it may either
+be sent in an envelope, by messenger or left in person. If left in
+person, one corner should be turned down. To indicate that a call is
+made on all or several members of the family; the card for the lady of
+the house is folded in the middle. If guests are visiting at the house,
+a card is left for each guest.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ENCLOSING A CARD IN AN ENVELOPE.</b></div>
+
+<p>To return a call made in person with a card inclosed in an envelope, is
+an intimation that visiting between the parties is ended. Those who
+leave or send their cards with no such intention, should not inclose
+them in an envelope. An exception to this rule is where they are sent in
+return to the newly married living in other cities, or in answering
+wedding cards forwarded when absent from home. P.P.C. cards are also
+sent in this way, and are the only cards that it is as yet universally
+considered admissible to send by post.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SIZE AND STYLE OF VISITING OR CALLING CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A medium sized is in better taste than a very large card for married
+persons. Cards bearing the name of the husband alone are smaller. The
+cards of unmarried <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>men should also be small. The engraving in simple
+writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Nothing in cards can be
+more commonplace than large printed letters, be the type what it may.
+Young men should dispense with the "Mr." before their names.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-079.png" width="400" height="289" alt="CALLING CARDS." title="CALLING CARDS." />
+<span class="caption">CALLING CARDS.</span>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><b>CORNERS OF CARDS TURNED DOWN.</b></div>
+
+<p>The signification of turning down the corners of cards are:</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Visite</i>&mdash;The right hand upper corner.<br /></p>
+<p><i>Felicitation</i>&mdash;The left hand upper corner.<br /></p>
+<p><i>Condolence</i>&mdash;The left hand lower corner.<br /></p>
+<p><span style="margin-left: 2.5em;"><i>P.P.C.</i>&nbsp; &nbsp; }</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>To Take Leave</i> } The right hand lower corner.</span><br /></p>
+<p>Card, right hand end turned down&mdash;<i>Delivered in Person.</i><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARD FOR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.</b></div>
+
+<p>The name of young ladies are sometimes printed or engraved on their
+mother's cards; both in script. It is, of course, allowable, for the
+daughter to have cards of her own.</p>
+
+<p>Some ladies have adopted the fashion of having the daughter's name on
+the same card with their own and their husband's names.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GLAZED CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Glazed cards are quite out of fashion, as are cards and note paper with
+gilt edges. The fashion in cards, however, change so often, that what is
+in style one year, may not be the next.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>P.P.C. CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A card left at a farewell visit, before a long protracted absence, has
+"P.P.C." (Pour Prendre Conge) written in one corner. It is not necessary
+to deliver such cards in person, for they may be sent by a messenger, or
+by post if necessary. P.P.C. cards are not left when the absence from
+home is only for a few months, nor by persons starting in mid-summer for
+a foreign country, as residents are then supposed to be out of town.
+They are sent to or left with friends by ladies just previous to their
+contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARDS OF CONGRATULATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Cards of congratulation must be left in person, or a congratulatory
+note, if desired, can be made to serve <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>instead of a call; excepting
+upon the newly married. Calls in person are due to them, and to the
+parents who have invited you to the marriage. When there has been a
+reception after the ceremony, which you have been unable to attend, but
+have sent cards by some member of your family, your cards need not again
+represent you until they have been returned, with the new residence
+announced; but a call is due to the parents or relatives who have given
+the reception. When no wedding cards are sent you, nor the card of the
+bridegroom, you cannot call without being considered intrusive. One
+month after the birth of a child the call of congratulation is made by
+acquaintances.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LEAVE CARDS IN MAKING FIRST CALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>In making the first calls of the season (in the autumn) both ladies and
+gentlemen should leave a card each, at every house called upon, even if
+the ladies are receiving. The reason of this is that where a lady is
+receiving morning calls, it would be too great a tax upon her memory to
+oblige her to keep in mind what calls she has to return or which of them
+have been returned, and in making out lists for inviting informally, it
+is often the card-stand which is first searched for bachelors' cards, to
+meet the emergency. Young men should be careful to write their street
+and number on their cards.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LEAVE CARDS AFTER AN INVITATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>After an invitation, cards must be left upon those who have sent it,
+whether it is accepted or not. They must <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>be left in person, and if it
+is desired to end the acquaintance the cards can be left without
+inquiring whether the ladies are at home.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen should not expect to receive invitations from ladies with whom
+they are only on terms of formal visiting, until the yearly or autumnal
+call has been made, or until their cards have been left to represent
+themselves.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARDS IN MEMORIAM.</b></div>
+
+<p>These are a loving tribute to the memory of the departed; an English
+custom rapidly gaining favor with us; it announces to friends the death,
+of which they might remain in ignorance but for this mark of respect:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-082.png" width="400" height="284" alt="George A. Custer" title="George A. Custer" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARDS OF CONDOLENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Cards of condolence left by mere acquaintances must be returned by
+"mourning cards" before such persons feel at liberty to make a call.
+When the bereaved are ready to receive calls (instead of the cards) of
+their acquaintances, "mourning cards" in envelopes, or otherwise, are
+returned to all those who have left their cards since the death, which
+was the occasion of the cards being left. Intimate friends, of course,
+do not wait for cards, but continue their calls, without regard to any
+ceremonious observances made for the protection of the bereaved.
+Acquaintances leaving cards should inquire after the health of the
+family, leaving the cards in person.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MOURNING CARDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>On announcement of a death it is correct to call in person at the door;
+to make inquiries and leave your card, with lower left hand corner
+turned down. Unless close intimacy exists, it is not usage to ask to see
+the afflicted. Cards can be sent to express sympathy, but notes of
+condolence are permissible only from intimate friends.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A BRIDEGROOM'S CARD.</b></div>
+
+<p>When only the family and the most intimate friends of a bride and
+bridegroom have been included in the invitation for the marriage, or
+where there has been no reception after the marriage at church, the
+bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (inclosed in an envelope) to
+those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting
+terms. Those who receive a card <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>should call on the bride, within ten
+days after she has taken possession of her home. Some persons have
+received such a card as an intimation that the card was to end the
+acquaintance. This mistake shows the necessity of a better understanding
+of social customs.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-052.png" width="350" height="162" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Conversation.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> character of a person is revealed by his conversation as much as by
+any one quality he possesses, for strive as he may he cannot always be
+acting.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>IMPORTANCE OF CONVERSING WELL.</b></div>
+
+<p>To be able to converse well is an attainment which should be cultivated
+by every intelligent man and woman. It is better to be a good talker
+than a good singer or musician, because the former is more widely
+appreciated, and the company of a person who is able to talk well on a
+great variety of subjects, is much sought after. The importance,
+therefore, of cultivating the art of conversation, cannot easily be
+over-estimated. It should be the aim of all intelligent persons to
+acquire the habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all topics
+of general interest to society, so that they may both interest others
+and be themselves interested, in whatever company they may chance to be
+thrown.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAINING CHILDREN.</b></div>
+
+<p>The training for this should be commenced in early childhood. Parents
+should not only encourage their children to express themselves freely
+upon everything that attracts their attention and interests them, but
+they should also incite their faculties of perception, memory and close
+observation, by requiring them to recount everything, even to its
+minutest details, that they may have observed in walking to and from
+school, or in taking a ride in a carriage or in the cars. By training a
+child to a close observation of everything he meets or passes, his mind
+becomes very active, and the habit having once been acquired, he becomes
+interested in a great variety of objects; sees more and enjoys more than
+one who has not been so trained.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CULTIVATING THE MEMORY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring the art of conversation,
+and the cultivation and training of this faculty is a matter of
+importance. Early youth is the proper time to begin this training, and
+parents and teachers should give special attention to the cultivation of
+memory. When children are taken to church, or to hear a lecture, they
+should be required to relate or to write down from memory, such a digest
+of the sermon or lecture as they can remember. Adults may also adopt
+this plan for cultivating the memory, and they will be surprised to find
+how continued practice in this will improve this faculty. The practice
+of taking notes <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>impairs rather than aids the memory, for then a person
+relies almost entirely in the notes taken, and does not tax the memory
+sufficiently. A person should also train himself to remember the names
+of persons whom he becomes acquainted with, so as to recall them
+whenever or wherever he may subsequently meet them. It is related of a
+large wholesale boot and shoe merchant of an eastern city, that he was
+called upon one day by one of his best customers, residing in a distant
+city, whom he had frequently met, but whose name, at the time, he could
+not recall, and received his order for a large bill of goods. As he was
+about to leave, the merchant asked his name, when the customer
+indignantly replied that he supposed he was known by a man from whom he
+had purchased goods for many years, and countermanding his order, he
+left the store, deaf to all attempts at explanation. Though this may be
+an extreme case, it illustrates the importance of remembering the names
+of people when circumstances require it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HENRY CLAY'S MEMORY OF NAMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>One secret of Henry Clay's popularity as a politician was his faculty of
+remembering the names of persons he had met. It is said of him that if
+he was once introduced to a person, he was ever afterwards able to call
+him by name, and recount the circumstances of their first meeting. This
+faculty he cultivated after he entered upon the practice of law in
+Kentucky, and soon after he began his political life. At that time his
+memory for names was very poor, and he resolved to improve it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> He
+adopted the practice, just before retiring at night, of recalling the
+names of all the persons he had met during the day, writing them in a
+note book, and repeating over the list the next morning. By this
+practice, he acquired in time, his wonderful faculty in remembering the
+names of persons he had become acquainted with.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WRITING AS AN AID TO CORRECT TALKING.</b></div>
+
+<p>To converse correctly&mdash;to use correct language in conversation&mdash;is also
+a matter of importance, and while this can be acquired by a strict
+attention to grammatical rules, it can be greatly facilitated by the
+habit of writing down one's thoughts. In writing, strict regard is, or
+should be, paid to the correct use of language, and when a person, from
+constant writing, acquires the habit of using correct language, this
+habit will follow him in talking. A person who is accustomed to much
+writing, will always be found to use language correctly in speaking.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REQUISITES FOR A GOOD TALKER.</b></div>
+
+<p>To be a good talker then, one should be possessed of much general
+information, acquired by keen observation, attentive listening, a good
+memory, extensive reading and study, logical habits of thought, and have
+a correct knowledge of the use of language. He should also aim at a
+clear intonation, well chosen phraseology and correct accent. These
+acquirements are within the reach of every person of ordinary ability,
+who has a determination to possess them, and the energy and perseverance
+to carry out that determination.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VULGARISMS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In conversation, one must scrupulously guard against vulgarisms.
+Simplicity and terseness of language are the characteristics of a well
+educated and highly cultivated person. It is the uneducated or those who
+are but half educated, who use long words and high-sounding phrases. A
+hyperbolical way of speaking is mere flippancy, and should be avoided.
+Such phrases as "awfully pretty," "immensely jolly," "abdominally
+stupid," "disgustingly mean," are of this nature, and should be avoided.
+Awkwardness of attitude is equally as bad as awkwardness of speech.
+Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass or watch chain
+and the like, give an air of <i>gaucherie</i>, and take off a certain
+percentage from the respect of others.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LISTENING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The habit of listening with interest and attention is one which should
+be specially cultivated. Even if the talker is prosy and prolix, the
+well-bred person will appear interested, and at appropriate intervals
+make such remarks as shall show that he has heard and understood all
+that has been said. Some superficial people are apt to style this
+hypocrisy; but if it is, it is certainly a commendable hypocrisy,
+directly founded on that strict rule of good manners which commands us
+to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves.
+We are commanded to check our impulses, conceal our dislikes, and even
+modify our likings whenever or wher<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>ever these are liable to give
+offense or pain to others. The person who turns away with manifest
+displeasure, disgust or want of interest when another is addressing him,
+is guilty not only of an ill-bred, but a cruel act.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FLIPPANCY.</b></div>
+
+<p>In conversation all provincialism, affectations of foreign accents,
+mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are detestable. Equally to be
+avoided are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, an undue use of
+foreign words, and anything approaching to flippancy, coarseness,
+triviality or provocation. Gentlemen sometimes address ladies in a very
+flippant manner, which the latter are obliged to pass over without
+notice, for various reasons, while inwardly they rebel. Many a worthy
+man has done himself an irreparable injury by thus creating a lasting
+prejudice in the minds of those whom he might have made his friends, had
+he addressed them as though he considered them rational beings, capable
+of sustaining their part in a conversation upon sensible subjects.
+Flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual
+smile, the wandering eye, the vacant stare, and the half-opened mouth of
+the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BE SYMPATHETIC AND ANIMATED.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not go into society unless you make up your mind to be sympathetic,
+unselfish, animating, as well as animated. Society does not require
+mirth, but it does demand cheerfulness and unselfishness, and you must
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>help to make and sustain cheerful conversation. The manner of
+conversation is as important as the matter.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>COMPLIMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Compliments are said by some to be inadmissible. But between equals, or
+from those of superior position to those of inferior station,
+compliments should be not only acceptable but gratifying. It is pleasant
+to know that our friends think well of us, and it is always agreeable to
+know that we are thought well of by those who hold higher positions,
+such as men of superior talent, or women of superior culture.
+Compliments which are not sincere, are only flattery and should be
+avoided; but the saying of kind things, which is natural to the kind
+heart, and which confers pleasure, should be cultivated, at least not
+suppressed. Those parents who strive most for the best mode of training
+their children are said to have found that it is never wise to censure
+them for a fault, without preparing the way by some judicious mention of
+their good qualities.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SLANG.</b></div>
+
+<p>All slang is vulgar. It lowers the tone of society and the standard of
+thought. It is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any manner
+witty. Only the very young or the uncultivated so consider it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FLATTERY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not be guilty of flattery. The flattery of those richer than
+ourselves or better born is vulgar, and born <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>of rudeness, and is sure
+to be received as emanating from unworthy motives. Testify your respect,
+your admiration, and your gratitude by deeds more than words. Words are
+easy but deeds are difficult. Few will believe the former, but the
+latter will carry confirmation with them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SCANDAL AND GOSSIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Envy
+prompts the tongue of the slanderer. Jealousy is the disturber of the
+harmony of all interests. A writer on this subject says: "Gossip is a
+troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never
+bites deep; slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its
+den and tears you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of rage;
+gossip of contempt." Those who best understand the nature of gossip and
+slander, if the victims of both, will take no notice of the former, but
+will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their
+lifetime, to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children. No
+woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral
+character, whether in the influence of her companionship, or in the
+influence of her writings.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RELIGION AND POLITICS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Religion and politics are topics that should never be introduced into
+general conversation, for they are subjects dangerous to harmony.
+Persons are most likely to differ, and least likely to preserve their
+tempers on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>these topics. Long arguments in general company, however
+entertaining to the disputants, are very tiresome to the hearers.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SATIRE AND RIDICULE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Young persons appear ridiculous when satirizing or ridiculing books,
+people or things. Opinions to be worth the consideration of others
+should have the advantage of coming from mature persons. Cultivated
+people are not in the habit of resorting to such weapons as satire and
+ridicule. They find too much to correct in themselves to indulge in
+coarse censure of the conduct of others, who may not have had advantages
+equal to their own.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TITLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In addressing persons with titles always add the name; as "what do you
+think of it, Doctor Hayes?" not "what do you think of it, Doctor?" In
+speaking of foreigners the reverse of the English rule is observed. No
+matter what the title of a Frenchman is, he is always addressed as
+<i>Monsieur</i>, and you never omit the word <i>Madame</i>, whether addressing a
+duchess or a dressmaker. The former is "<i>Madame la Duchesse</i>," the
+latter plain "<i>Madame</i>." Always give a foreigner his title. If General
+Sherman travels in Europe and is received by the best classes with the
+dignity that his worth, culture and position as an American general
+demand, he will never be called Mr. Sherman, but his title will
+invariably precede his name. There are persons who fancy that the
+omission of the title is annoying to the party who pos<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>sesses it, but
+this is not the ground taken why the title should be given, but because
+it reveals either ignorance or ill-breeding on the part of those
+omitting it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHRISTIAN NAMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>There is a class of persons, who from ignorance of the customs of good
+society, or from carelessness, speak of persons by their Christian
+names, who are neither relations nor intimate friends. This is a
+familiarity which, outside of the family circle, and beyond friends of
+the closest intimacy, is never indulged in by the well-bred.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTERRUPTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against
+good-breeding. It has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in
+the middle of a sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking
+with a companion, you were to thrust yourself before him and stop his
+progress.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ADAPTABILITY IN CONVERSATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation, as
+skillfully as may be, to your company. Some men make a point of talking
+commonplace to all ladies alike, as if a woman could only be a trifler.
+Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what respects the education
+of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and commit the opposite
+error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted,
+and in which few, if any, are ever interested. A woman of sense has <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>as
+much right to be annoyed by the one, as a woman of ordinary education by
+the other. If you really wish to be thought agreeable, sensible,
+amiable, unselfish and even well-informed, you should lead the way, in
+<i>tete-a-tete</i> conversations, for sportsmen to talk of their shooting, a
+mother to talk of her children, a traveler of his journeys and the
+countries he has visited, a young lady of her last ball and the
+prospective ones, an artist of his picture and an author of his book. To
+show any interest in the immediate concerns of people is very
+complimentary, and when not in general society one is privileged to do
+this. People take more interest in their own affairs than in anything
+else you can name, and if you manifest an interest to hear, there are
+but few who will not sustain conversation by a narration of their
+affairs in some form or another. Thackeray says: "Be interested by other
+people and by their affairs. It is because you yourself are selfish that
+that other person's self does not interest you."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CORRECT USE OF WORDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The correct use of words is indispensable to a good talker who would
+escape the unfavorable criticism of an educated listener. There are many
+words and phrases, used in some cases by persons who have known better,
+but who have become careless from association with others who make
+constant use of them. "Because that" and "but that" should never be used
+in connection, the word "that" being entirely superfluous. The word
+"vocation" is often used for "avocation." "Unhealthy" food is spoken of
+when it should be "unwholesome."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> "Had not ought to" is sometimes heard
+for "ought not to;" "banister" for "baluster;" "handsful" and
+"spoonsful" for "handfuls" and "spoonfuls;" "it was him" for "it was
+he;" "it was me" for "it was I;" "whom do you think was there?" for "who
+do you think was there?"; "a mutual friend" for "a common friend;" "like
+I did" instead of "as I did;" "those sort of things" instead of "this
+sort of things;" "laying down" for "lying down;" "setting on a chair"
+for "sitting on a chair;" "try and make him" instead of "try to make
+him;" "she looked charmingly" for "she looked charming;" "loan" for
+"lend;" "to get along" instead of "to get on;" "cupalo" instead of
+"cupola;" "who" for "whom"&mdash;as, "who did you see" for "whom did you
+see;" double negatives, as, "he did not do neither of those things;"
+"lesser" for "least;" "move" instead of "remove;" "off-set" instead of
+"set-off," and many other words which are often carelessly used by those
+who have been better taught, as well as by those who are ignorant of
+their proper use.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SPEAKING ONE'S MIND.</b></div>
+
+<p>Certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake
+of "speaking their mind" on all occasions and under all circumstances,
+and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers. And
+especially do they take credit to themselves for their courage, if their
+freedom of speech happens to give offense to any of them. A little
+reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is. The law restrains
+us <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>from inflicting bodily injury upon those with whom we disagree, yet
+there is no legal preventive against this wounding of the feeling of
+others.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>UNWISE EXPRESSION OF OPINION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Another class of people, actuated by the best of intentions, seem to
+consider it a duty to parade their opinions upon all occasions, and in
+all places without reflecting that the highest truth will suffer from an
+unwise and over-zealous advocacy. Civility requires that we give to the
+opinions of others the same toleration that we exact for our own, and
+good sense should cause us to remember that we are never likely to
+convert a person to our views when we begin by violating his notions of
+propriety and exciting his prejudices. A silent advocate of a cause is
+always better than an indiscreet one.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROFANITY.</b></div>
+
+<p>No gentleman uses profane language. It is unnecessary to add that no
+gentleman will use profane language in the presence of a lady. For
+profanity there is no excuse. It is a low and paltry habit, acquired
+from association with low and paltry spirits, who possess no sense of
+honor, no regard for decency and no reverence or respect for beings of a
+higher moral or religious nature than themselves. The man who habitually
+uses profane language, lowers his moral tone with every oath he utters.
+Moreover, the silliness of the practice, if no other reason, should
+prevent its use by every man of good sense.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PUBLIC MENTION OF PRIVATE MATTERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not parade merely private matters before a public or mixed assembly
+or to acquaintances. If strangers really wish to become informed about
+you or your affairs, they will find the means to gratify their curiosity
+without your advising them gratuitously. Besides, personal and family
+affairs, no matter how interesting they may be to the parties
+immediately concerned, are generally of little moment to outsiders.
+Still less will the well-bred person inquire into or narrate the private
+affairs of any other family or individual.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OSTENTATIOUS DISPLAY OF KNOWLEDGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>In refined and intelligent society one should always display himself at
+his best, and make a proper and legitimate use of all such acquirements
+as he may happen to have. But there should be no ostentatious or
+pedantic show of erudition. Besides being vulgar, such a show subjects
+the person to ridicule.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRUDERY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Avoid an affectation of excessive modesty. Do not use the word "limb"
+for "leg." If legs are really improper, then let us, on no account,
+mention them. But having found it necessary to mention them, let us by
+all means give them their appropriate name.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DOUBLE ENTENDRES.</b></div>
+
+<p>No person of decency, still less of delicacy, will be guilty of <i>double
+entendre</i>. A well-bred person always <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>refuses to understand a phrase of
+doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be interpreted decently, and with
+such interpretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree
+called for by such interpretation, and no more. The prudery which sits
+in solemn and severe rebuke at a <i>double entendre</i> is only second in
+indelicacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both
+must recognize the evil intent. It is sufficient to let it pass
+unrecognized.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Not so when one hears an indelicate word or expression, which allows of
+no possible harmless interpretation. Then not the shadow of a smile
+should flit across the lips. Either complete silence should be preserved
+in return, or the words, "I do not understand you," be spoken. A lady
+will always fail to hear that which she should not hear, or, having
+unmistakably heard, she will not understand.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>No lady should make use of any feminine substitute for profanity. The
+woman who exclaims "The Dickens!" or "Mercy!" or "Goodness!" when she is
+annoyed or astonished, is as vulgar in spirit, though perhaps not quite
+so regarded by society, as though she had used expressions which it
+would require but little stretch of the imagination to be regarded as
+profane.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WIT.</b></div>
+
+<p>You may be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if you can; but
+never use your wit at the expense of others.</p>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Wit's an unruly engine">
+<tr><td align='left'>"Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sometimes a friend, sometimes the engineer;</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Hast thou the knack? pamper it not with liking;</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">But if thou want it, buy it not too dear.</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 3em;">Many affecting wit beyond their power</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 3em;">Have got to be a dear fool for an hour."&mdash;</span><span class="smcap">Herbert</span>.</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /> <br /><b>DISPLAY OF EMOTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Avoid all exhibitions of temper before others, if you find it impossible
+to suppress them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or joy, should
+be subdued in public, and only allowed full play in the privacy of your
+own apartments.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>IMPERTINENT QUESTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never ask impertinent questions. Some authorities in etiquette even go
+so far as to say that <i>all</i> questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you
+wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend, you
+would say, "I hope your brother is well," not, "How is your brother's
+health?"</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CONFIDENCE OF OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never try to force yourself into the confidence of others; but if they
+give you their confidence of their own free will, let nothing whatever
+induce you to betray <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and never
+divulge one.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not form the habit of introducing words and phrases of French or
+other foreign languages into common conversation. This is only allowable
+in writing, and not then except when the foreign word or phrase
+expresses more clearly and directly than English can do the desired
+meaning. In familiar conversation this is an affectation, only
+pardonable when all persons present are particularly familiar with the
+language.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRETENSES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Avoid all pretense at gentility. Pass for what you are, and nothing
+more. If you are obliged to make any little economies, do not be ashamed
+to acknowledge them as economies, if it becomes necessary to speak of
+them at all. If you keep no carriage, do not be over-solicitous to
+impress upon your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is
+because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed of poverty; but, on the
+other hand, do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the faces of others.
+It is better to say nothing about it, either in excuse or defense.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DOGMATIC STYLE OF SPEAKING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or
+information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing. Even if
+you are conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming modesty
+will lead you to conceal it as far as possible, that you may <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>not put to
+shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself. If they
+discover your superiority of their own accord, they will have much more
+admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them. If
+they do not discover it, you cannot force it upon their perceptions, and
+they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, there
+is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself, and instead of being
+a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FAULT-FINDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not be censorious or fault-finding. Long and close friendship may
+sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another, but it
+must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine
+cases out of ten had best be left undone. When one is inclined to be
+censorious or critical, it is well to remember the scriptural
+injunction, "First cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt
+thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONVERSING WITH LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard of his
+conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to
+consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You
+will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the
+supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it
+is not, the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate
+compli<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>ment you pay them. When you "come down" to commonplace or
+small-talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the
+consequence; she either recognizes the condescension and despises you,
+or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you
+are capable, and rates you accordingly.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOBBIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>People with hobbies are at once the easiest and most difficult persons
+with whom to engage in conversation. On general subjects they are
+idealess and voiceless beyond monosyllables. But introduce their special
+hobby, and if you choose you need only to listen. There is much profit
+to be derived from the conversation of these persons. They will give you
+a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory which they may
+have taken to heart, than you could perhaps gain in any other way.</p>
+
+<p>The too constant riding of hobbies is not, however, to be specially
+recommended. An individual, though he may be pardoned in cultivating
+special tastes, should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and
+general information to be able to converse intelligently on all
+subjects, and he should, as far as possible, reserve his hobby-riding
+for exhibition before those who ride hobbies similar to his own.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THINGS TO BE AVOIDED.</b></div>
+
+<p>It must be remembered that a social gathering should never be made the
+arena of a dispute. Consequently <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>every subject liable to provoke a
+discussion should be avoided. Even slight inaccuracy in a statement of
+facts or opinions should rarely be remarked on in conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Do not permit yourself to lose your temper in society, nor show that you
+have taken offense at a supposed slight.</p>
+
+<p>If anyone should assume a disagreeable tone of voice or offensive manner
+toward you, never return it in company, and, above all, do not adopt the
+same style of conversation with him. Appear not to notice it, and
+generally it will be discontinued, as it will be seen that it has failed
+in its object.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid all coarseness and undue familiarity in addressing others. A
+person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends.</p>
+
+<p>Never attack the character of others in their absence; and if you hear
+others attacked, say what you can consistently to defend them.</p>
+
+<p>If you are talking on religious subjects, avoid all cant. Cant words and
+phrases may be used in good faith from the force of habit, but their use
+subjects the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity.</p>
+
+<p>Do not ask the price of articles you observe, except from intimate
+friends, and then very quietly, and only for some good reason.</p>
+
+<p>Do not appear to notice an error in language, either in pronunciation or
+grammar, made by the person with whom you are conversing, and do not
+repeat correctly the same word or phrase. This would be as ill-bred as
+to correct it when spoken.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Mimicry is ill-bred, and must be avoided.</p>
+
+<p>Sneering at the private affairs of others has long ago been banished
+from the conversation of well-mannered people.</p>
+
+<p>Never introduce unpleasant topics, nor describe revolting scenes in
+general company.</p>
+
+<p>Never give officious advice. Even when sought for, give advice
+sparingly.</p>
+
+<p>Never, directly or indirectly, refer to the affairs of others, which it
+may give them pain in any degree to recall.</p>
+
+<p>Never hold your companion in conversation by the button-hole. If you are
+obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say what you wish, you are
+pressing upon him what is disagreeable or unwelcome, and you commit a
+gross breach of etiquette in so doing.</p>
+
+<p>Especially avoid contradictions, interruptions and monopolizing all
+conversation yourself. These faults are all intolerable and very
+offensive.</p>
+
+<p>To speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms, understood by
+him alone, is as rude as if you had whispered in his ear.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid stale and trite remarks on commonplace subjects; also all egotism
+and anecdotes of personal adventure and exploit, unless they should be
+called out by persons you are conversing with.</p>
+
+<p>To make a classical quotation in a mixed company is considered pedantic
+and out of place, as is also an ostentatious display of your learning.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman should avoid talking about his business <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>or profession,
+unless such matters are drawn from him by the person with whom he is
+conversing. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ technical or
+professional terms in general conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others,
+and should be avoided.</p>
+
+<p>It is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in
+society, or to converse in a language with which all persons are not
+familiar.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid talking too much, and do not inflict upon your hearers
+interminably long stories, in which they can have but little interest.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-106.png" width="350" height="157" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+<h3>Dinner Giving and Dining Out.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 121px;">
+<img src="images/d.png" width="121" height="300" alt="D" title="D" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>INING</b></big> should be ranked among the fine arts. A knowledge of dinner-table
+etiquette is all important in many respects; but chiefly in this: that
+it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding. Dinners are
+generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the
+middle aged, but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried
+persons among the guests.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WHOM TO INVITE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Those invited should be of the same standing in society. They need not
+necessarily be friends, nor even acquaintances, but, at dinner, as
+people come into closer contact than at a dance, or any other kind of a
+party, those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the
+same class of circles. Care must, of course, be taken that those whom
+you think agreeable to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>each other are placed side by side around the
+festive board. Good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party&mdash;people who
+have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in; but good
+listeners are equally invaluable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post, in cities,
+and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it
+inconvenient to send the note by hand. They are issued in the name of
+the gentleman and lady of the house, from two to ten days in advance.
+They should be answered as soon as received, without fail, as it is
+necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their
+guests. If the invitation is accepted, the engagement should, on no
+account, be lightly broken. This rule is a binding one, as the
+non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans.
+Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives, where other ladies than
+those of the family are present; nor ladies without their husbands, when
+other ladies are invited with their husbands. This rule has no
+exceptions. No more than three out of a family should be invited, unless
+the dinner party is a very large one.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The invitations should be written on small note paper, which may have
+the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids
+anything more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper. The
+invita<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>tion should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The
+form of invitations should be as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-109a.png" width="400" height="186" alt="Mr. and Mrs. Potter request the pleasure" title="Mr. and Mrs. Potter request the pleasure" />
+</div>
+
+<p>An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is
+declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION ACCEPTED.</b></div>
+
+<p>An acceptance may be given in the following form, and may be sent either
+by post or messenger:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-109b.png" width="400" height="140" alt="Mr. and Mrs. Barton have much pleasure in accepting" title="Mr. and Mrs. Barton have much pleasure in accepting" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION DECLINED.</b></div>
+
+<p>The invitation is declined in the following manner:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-110.png" width="400" height="211" alt="Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret" title="Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Or:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-110b.png" width="400" height="203" alt="Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret" title="Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly,
+yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard
+feelings.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form
+of a friendly note, something in this manner:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-111.png" width="400" height="229" alt="Dear Miss Summer" title="Dear Miss Summer" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FAILING TO FILL AN ENGAGEMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>When it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made
+for dinner or tea, a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host,
+with full explanation of the cause, so that your place may be supplied,
+if possible.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PUNCTUALITY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The hour generally selected in cities is after business hours, or from
+five to eight o'clock. In the country or villages it may be an hour or
+two earlier. To be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory. If you
+are too early you are in the way; if too late you annoy the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>hostess,
+cause impatience among the assembled guests, and perhaps spoil the
+dinner. Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy
+guest.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE SUCCESS OF A DINNER.</b></div>
+
+<p>A host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the
+manner in which conversation has been sustained. If it has flagged
+often, it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial;
+but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that they have
+smoothly amalgamated, as a whole. No one should monopolize conversation,
+unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore, and be
+avoided as such.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TABLE APPOINTMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A snow-white cloth of the finest damask, beautiful china, glistening or
+finely engraved glass, and polished plate are considered essential to a
+grand dinner. Choice flowers, ferns and mosses tastefully arranged, add
+much to the beauty of the table. A salt-cellar should be within the
+reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a
+roll of bread upon each plate. The dessert is placed on the table amidst
+the flowers. An <i>epergne</i>, or a low dish of flowers, graces the centre;
+stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the
+table, which complete the decorations of the table. The name of each
+guest, written upon a card and placed one on each plate, marks the seat
+assigned.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ASSIGNING PARTNERS FOR DINNER.</b></div>
+
+<p>The number at a dinner should not be less than six, nor more than twelve
+or fourteen. Then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman
+the lady whom he is to conduct to the table; but when the number exceeds
+this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written
+upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope, ready to be handed to
+the gentleman by the servant, before entering the drawing-room, or left
+on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names.</p>
+
+<p>If a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is
+unacquainted, he requests the host to present him immediately after he
+has spoken with the hostess, also to any members of the family with whom
+he is not acquainted.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>All the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the
+dinner is given. If two persons, unknown to each other, find themselves
+placed side by side at a table, they may enter into conversation without
+an introduction.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ARRANGEMENTS OF GUESTS AT THE TABLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he
+is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess
+being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence
+in proceed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>ing from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger
+falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest
+lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present,
+precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another
+person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted
+either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to
+place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the
+lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may
+be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite
+ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters,
+as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DINNER A LA RUSSE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner
+<i>a la Russe</i> (the Russian style)&mdash;all the food being placed upon a side
+table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an
+opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the
+meal progresses, does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes
+and platters.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF SERVANTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The servants commence, in passing the dishes, one upon the right of the
+host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should
+never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong.
+Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>may be
+noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English
+custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly
+clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing
+hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and
+deposits plates, glasses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is
+considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at
+table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the
+thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SOUP.</b></div>
+
+<p>Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it
+remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating
+until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the
+servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a
+second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FISH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are
+provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left
+hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish
+may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE SIDE DISHES.</b></div>
+
+<p>After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the
+fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard
+for a fork.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.</b></div>
+
+<p>When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork
+upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be
+carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by
+neglecting to remove them.</p>
+
+<p>Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not
+take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.</p>
+
+<p>Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your glass with
+wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the
+rim of your glass.</p>
+
+<p>Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.</p>
+
+<p>If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his
+eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.</p>
+
+<p>The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and
+drinking should be noiseless.</p>
+
+<p>Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.</p>
+
+<p>Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and
+artichokes are always so eaten.</p>
+
+<p>Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.</p>
+
+<p>You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any
+course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it.
+Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the glass and
+silver near you unnecessarily.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the
+business of the host.</p>
+
+<p>When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the
+waiter to pass on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has
+escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is
+officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.</p>
+
+<p>If the guests pass the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by
+a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire
+it at all, before passing it on to the next.</p>
+
+<p>A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many
+people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an
+unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of
+etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many
+people, it is wisest to observe it.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone
+inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with
+the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be
+removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible, and deposited on
+the side of the plate.</p>
+
+<p>Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead,
+face or nose.</p>
+
+<p>Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without
+a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a
+fork or spoon.</p>
+
+<p>Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not
+toy with your knife, fork or spoon, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>make crumbs of your bread, or draw
+imaginary lines upon the table cloth.</p>
+
+<p>Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife,
+and all fruit should be broken or cut.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WAITING ON OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person,
+politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for
+themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are
+in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he
+thinks may be most to their taste.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRAISING DISHES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor
+make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction.
+It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and
+allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper.
+Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their
+plates against their inclination.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be
+general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you
+may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to
+be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PICKING TEETH AT THE TABLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should
+always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not
+avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity
+to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth
+should be concealed by your hand or napkin.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SELECTING A PARTICULAR DISH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a
+fowl or of meat, unless requested to do so, and then answer promptly,
+that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF HOSTESS AND HOST.</b></div>
+
+<p>Tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess, in order that she
+may perform her duties agreeably, which are not onerous. She should
+instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have
+finished. If she speaks of any omission by which her servants have
+inconvenienced her guests, she must do it with dignity, not betraying
+any undue annoyance. She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay
+every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her.
+No accident must disturb her; no disappointment embarrass her. If her
+precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes, she must
+seem to take but little or no notice of it.</p>
+
+<p>The host must aid the hostess in her efforts. He should <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>have ease and
+frankness of manner, a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle, and a
+kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted. He must encourage
+the timid, draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than
+sustain it himself.</p>
+
+<p>No matter what may go wrong, a hostess should never seem to notice it to
+the annoyance of her guests. By passing it over herself, it will very
+frequently escape the attention of others. If her guests arrive late,
+she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early, but she
+will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually, if she
+awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of
+grace prescribed by custom.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RETIRING FROM THE TABLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>When the hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the lady who
+is sitting at the right of the host, and the company rise, and withdraw
+in the order they are seated, without precedence. After retiring to the
+drawing-room, the guests should intermingle in a social manner. It is
+expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after
+dinner.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ACCEPTING HOSPITALITY A SIGN OF GOOD-WILL.</b></div>
+
+<p>As eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of
+society regarded as a sign of good-will, those who partake of proffered
+hospitalities, only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess,
+should remember, that in the opinion of all honorable persons, they
+injure themselves by so doing.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS AFTER A DINNER PARTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been
+invited, whether the invitation be accepted or not.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RETURNING HOSPITALITY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the
+invitation before another is extended to them. Society is very severe
+upon those who do not return debts of hospitality, if they have the
+means to do so. If they never entertain anyone because of limited means,
+or for other good reasons, it is so understood, and it is not expected
+that they should make exceptions; or if they are in the habit of giving
+other entertainments and not dinners, their debts of hospitality can be
+returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be. Some are
+deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot
+return the hospitality in so magnificent a form. It is not the costly
+preparations, nor the expensive repast offered which are the most
+agreeable features of any entertainment, but it is the kind and friendly
+feeling shown. Those who are not deterred from accepting such
+invitations for this reason, and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness
+thus shown them, must possess narrow views of their duty, and very
+little self-respect, if, when an opportunity presents itself in any way
+to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested, they fail to avail
+themselves of it. True hospitality, however, neither expects nor desires
+any return.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EXPENSIVE DINNERS NOT THE MOST ENJOYABLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner, it is indispensable to
+have certain dishes and a variety of wines, because others serve them.
+Those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion, and never
+feel obliged to do as others do, if they wish to do differently. Some of
+the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive. It
+is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing
+all sorts of extravagances, which causes many persons, in every way well
+qualified to do incalculable good socially, to exclude themselves from
+all general society.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WINES AT DINNERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The <i>menu</i> of a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete, unless
+it includes one or more varieties of wine. When used it is first served
+after soup, but any guest may, with propriety, decline being served.
+This, however, must not be done ostentatiously. Simply say to the
+waiter, or whoever pours it, "not any; thank you." Wine, offered at a
+dinner party, should never be criticized, however poor it may be. A
+person who has partaken of wine, may also decline to have the glass
+filled again.</p>
+
+<p>If the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance
+principles, in deference to the scruples of these guests, wines or
+liquors should not be brought to the table. People who entertain should
+also be cautious as to serving wines at all. It is impos<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>sible to tell
+what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests. It may be
+that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of
+wines or stronger alcoholic liquors; or you may renew a passion long
+controlled and entombed; or you may turn a wavering will from a
+seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain. This is an age of
+reforms, the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of
+these, and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if
+they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating
+liquor. Mrs. ex-President Hayes banished wines and liquors from her
+table, and an example set by the "first lady of the land" can be safely
+followed in every American household, whatever may have been former
+prevailing customs. It is safe to say that no "mistress of the White
+House" will ever set aside the temperance principles established by Mrs.
+Hayes.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-075.png" width="350" height="64" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+<h3>Table Manners and Etiquette.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 116px;">
+<img src="images/i.png" width="116" height="300" alt="I" title="I" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>T</b></big> is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct
+themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding, even in the
+privacy of their own homes, when at table, a neglect of such observances
+will render one stiff and awkward in society. There are so many little
+points to be observed, that unless a person is habitually accustomed to
+observe them, he unconsciously commits some error, or will appear
+awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully
+at ease. To be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the
+habitual practice of good manners at the table, and is the result of
+proper home training. It is the duty of parents to accustom their
+children, by example as well as by precept, to be attentive and polite
+to each other at every meal, as well as to observe proper rules of
+etiquette, and if they do so, they need never fear that they will be
+rude or awkward when they go abroad. Even when persons habitually eat
+alone, they should pay <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>due regard to the rules of etiquette, for by so
+doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in
+refined circles; otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits
+which they cannot shake off without great difficulty, and which are at
+times embarrassing to themselves and their friends. In private families
+it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day
+around one common table, where the same rules of etiquette should be
+rigidly enforced, as though each member of the family were sitting at a
+stranger's table. It is only by this constant practice of the rules of
+good behaviour at home, that good manners become easy when any of them
+go abroad.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BREAKFAST.</b></div>
+
+<p>At the first meal of the day, even in the most orderly households, an
+amount of freedom is allowed, which would be unjustifiable at any other
+meal. The head of the house may look over his morning paper, and the
+various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or
+studies as they are interested in. Each may rise and leave the table
+when business or pleasure dictates, without awaiting for the others or
+for a general signal.</p>
+
+<p>The breakfast table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made very
+attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its
+ornamentation of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed upon the
+table, cut in slices. In eating, it must always be broken, never cut,
+and certainly not bitten. Fruit should <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>be served in abundance at
+breakfast whenever practicable. There is an old adage which declares
+that "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LUNCHEON.</b></div>
+
+<p>In many of our large cities, where business prevents the head of the
+family from returning to dinner until a late hour, luncheon is served
+about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants.
+There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. It
+is all placed upon the table at once, whether it consists of one or more
+courses. Where only one or two are at luncheon, the repast is ordinarily
+served on a tray.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DINNER.</b></div>
+
+<p>The private family dinner should be the social hour of the day. Then
+parents and children should meet together, and the meal should be of
+such length as to admit of the greatest sociality. It is an old saying
+that chatted food is half digested. The utmost good feeling should
+prevail among all. Business and domestic cares and troubles should be,
+for the time, forgotten, and the pleasures of home most heartily
+enjoyed. In another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable
+dinner parties.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE KNIFE AND FORK.</b></div>
+
+<p>The knife and fork were not made for playthings, and should not be used
+as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served.
+Do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate, nor
+cross <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>them on your plate when you have finished, nor make a noise with
+them. The knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard
+substances, while the fork, held in the left hand, is used in carrying
+food into the mouth. A knife must never, on any account, be put into the
+mouth. When you send your plate to be refilled, do not send your knife
+and fork, but put them upon a piece of bread, or hold them in your hand.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GREEDINESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>To put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy, and if you
+are addressed when your mouth is so filled, you are obliged to pause,
+before answering, until the vast mouthful is masticated, or run the risk
+of choking, by swallowing it too hastily. To eat very fast is also a
+mark of greediness, and should be avoided. The same may be said of
+soaking up gravy with bread, scraping up sauce with a spoon, scraping
+your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES ON TABLE ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Refrain from making a noise when eating, or supping from a spoon, and
+from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food, as
+they are marks of ill-breeding. The lips should be kept closed in eating
+as much as possible.</p>
+
+<p>It is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the
+table, so as to incommode those on either side of you.</p>
+
+<p>Whenever one or both hands are unoccupied, they <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span>should be kept below
+the table, and not pushed upon the table and into prominence.</p>
+
+<p>Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without
+asking the head, or host, to excuse you, except at a hotel or boarding
+house.</p>
+
+<p>Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool, but sipped
+from the cup.</p>
+
+<p>If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place
+his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the
+cup.</p>
+
+<p>If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in
+the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though
+your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.</p>
+
+<p>Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead
+of using your knife, spoon or fingers.</p>
+
+<p>Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.</p>
+
+<p>At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your
+ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.</p>
+
+<p>Eat neither too fast nor too slow.</p>
+
+<p>Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the
+table.</p>
+
+<p>Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your
+neighbors.</p>
+
+<p>Do not find fault with the food.</p>
+
+<p>The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon
+the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy
+can be supplied, if necessary.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of
+passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself
+first, and then pass it on.</p>
+
+<p>The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of
+particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on
+their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person
+to eat of anything after he has declined.</p>
+
+<p>When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it
+upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.</p>
+
+<p>Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the
+plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/illus-129.png" width="118" height="150" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Receptions, Parties and Balls.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/m.png" width="118" height="300" alt="M" title="M" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>ORNING</b></big> receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking,
+afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the
+afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to
+remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies,
+demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short
+sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress
+coats.</p>
+
+<p>The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze
+or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the
+wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for
+evening parties.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE REFRESHMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light,
+consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>claret punch, ices, fruit and
+cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments
+have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties,
+and renewed from time to time.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal.
+Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home
+Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these
+invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is
+left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No
+calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be
+present, call soon after.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MUSICAL MATINEES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A <i>matinee musicale</i> partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one
+of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary
+to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental
+talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with
+them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is
+customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by
+solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in
+not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as
+accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her
+guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If
+any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>talking or
+whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint
+them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies
+are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned
+for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not
+intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing
+gratification.</p>
+
+<p>The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only
+bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part,
+often remain for a hot supper.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are
+of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such
+of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music
+or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal
+hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be
+informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are
+not considered as good form in good society.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced
+into this country from England. For <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>these invitations are usually
+issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left
+hand corner.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-133a.png" width="400" height="122" alt="Five o&#39;clock tea" title="Five o&#39;clock tea" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Or, if for a kettle-drum:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-133b.png" width="400" height="114" alt="Kettle-drum" title="Kettle-drum" />
+</div>
+
+<p>No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an
+R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave
+cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives
+her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate
+friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few
+remain over half an hour&mdash;the conventional time allotted&mdash;unless they
+are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in
+the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches,
+buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.</p>
+
+<p>There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception.
+The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening
+to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the <i>demi-toilet</i>,
+with or without bonnets.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table,
+together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the
+tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the
+family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number
+assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social
+gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and
+drinking.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the
+entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of
+late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand
+dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so
+diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to
+evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and
+in all cases they should be answered immediately.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people
+to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it
+brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and
+takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them
+exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and
+brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It
+may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the
+pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the
+exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only
+nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of
+our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles,
+with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those
+who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the
+floor.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant
+or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited
+guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests
+ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be
+supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to
+decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an
+expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE MUSIC.</b></div>
+
+<p>Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small,
+the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks
+the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band;
+but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DANCES.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes
+are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a
+waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops,
+lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose
+of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon
+meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by
+lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance
+rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so,
+also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask
+her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an
+introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute
+acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for
+this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on
+the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of
+recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when
+the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to
+bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes
+first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take
+place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or
+between persons residing in different cities. In all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>other cases
+permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is
+sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those
+assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain
+sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to
+converse freely without introductions.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECEIVING GUESTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now
+prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty
+of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are
+principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him.
+The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share
+their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look
+after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will
+try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers
+themselves.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AN AFTER-CALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you
+were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient&mdash;within two
+weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and
+passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it
+is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door.
+It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception
+day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each
+invita<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>tion for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls
+due her may be made on that day.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SUPPER.</b></div>
+
+<p>The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock.
+The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an
+abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed,
+fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes
+are such as boned turkey, <i>b&oelig;uf &aacute; la mode</i>, chicken salad, lobster
+salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way
+with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be
+an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the
+last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some
+distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No
+gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen
+every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen,
+although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting
+upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the
+respectability of their guests.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE NUMBER TO INVITE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite
+more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush.
+Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A
+hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>her
+rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received.
+People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a
+ball or dancing party.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF GUESTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the
+guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.</p>
+
+<p>It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation,
+and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a
+regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance
+with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember
+this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her
+toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at
+least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor
+tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.</p>
+
+<p>It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the
+hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.</p>
+
+<p>Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her
+power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither
+hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess
+requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment
+longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to
+another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to
+circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our
+society, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of
+all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected
+to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until
+relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would
+gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but
+know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation
+flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is
+not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to
+exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of
+civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming
+freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.</p>
+
+<p>While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her
+except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as
+she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to
+make room for others.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He
+should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any
+portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by
+greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and
+offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it
+repaired.</p>
+
+<p>If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to
+her with a glass of water, to take her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>into the ball-room when she is
+without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any
+of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will,
+under any circumstances, refuse her request.</p>
+
+<p>A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to
+dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been
+given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If
+he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice
+himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the
+dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action
+will be his reward.</p>
+
+<p>When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment,
+are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty,
+after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend
+to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and
+hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of
+entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet
+her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter
+room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with
+her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home
+whenever she wishes to go. He <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>should watch during the evening to see
+that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she
+should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he
+should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her
+within the next two days.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES FOR BALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a
+ball.</p>
+
+<p>The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to
+supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other,
+unless his partner is already engaged.</p>
+
+<p>Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great
+charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations,
+loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room.
+Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.</p>
+
+<p>In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the
+house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do
+so.</p>
+
+<p>The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball
+there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be.
+A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of
+not less than seventy-five persons."</p>
+
+<p>Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who
+were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the
+first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some
+acknowl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>edgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting
+their inability to be present.</p>
+
+<p>When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand
+behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though
+it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should
+hold it gracefully by his side.</p>
+
+<p>Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two
+dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the
+gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology.
+Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.</p>
+
+<p>It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a
+quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half
+way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her
+unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she
+knows.</p>
+
+<p>Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other
+color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.</p>
+
+<p>Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society,
+those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual
+attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from
+doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.</p>
+
+<p>The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that
+clergymen should never be seen at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>balls, the better for all who attend
+them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any
+member of his church to be seen.</p>
+
+<p>In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the
+family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your
+departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to
+make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the
+entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it
+is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."</p>
+
+<p>Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good
+reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal
+dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to
+dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance.
+The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to
+dance are provided with partners.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to
+their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.</p>
+
+<p>When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be
+provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the
+house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the
+door to the carriage steps.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before
+the music strikes up.</p>
+
+<p>In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>with any
+gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she
+declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by
+abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance
+progresses.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-145.png" width="300" height="175" alt="At Home" title="At Home" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of the Street.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people
+he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public
+conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all
+times, in all places, and under all circumstances, is kind and courteous
+to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and
+feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is
+ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE STREET MANNERS OF A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve,
+so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her,
+while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere
+which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.</p>
+
+<p>A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing
+that she ought not to see and hear, recog<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>nizing acquaintances with a
+courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always
+unobtrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does
+anything to attract the attention of the passers-by. She walks along in
+her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from
+any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be
+subjected.</p>
+
+<p>A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when
+voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an
+expression of hearty thanks.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORMING STREET ACQUAINTANCES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract
+the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would
+render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to
+far graver charges.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECOGNIZING FRIENDS IN THE STREET.</b></div>
+
+<p>No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation,
+or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a
+bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they
+should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in
+company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If
+a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does
+not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he
+should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always
+returns a salutation made to her.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A CROWDED STREET.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by
+reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed
+singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article
+whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it
+to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it
+from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent
+with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FIRST TO BOW.</b></div>
+
+<p>In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the
+street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first
+bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist
+upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and
+raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without
+waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will
+certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each
+salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ALWAYS RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.</b></div>
+
+<p>One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by
+bowing or words of greeting, a gen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span>tleman lifting his hat. If they stop
+to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not
+forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-149.png" width="300" height="246" alt="GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY." title="GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY." />
+<span class="caption">GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY.</span>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><b>BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him,
+all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him,
+he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger
+is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an
+acquaintance.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DO NOT LACK POLITENESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be
+recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms
+to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them.
+Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the
+courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all
+lookers-on will regard the matter.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TALKING WITH A LADY IN THE STREET.</b></div>
+
+<p>In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to
+speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop
+her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he
+has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most
+scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is
+customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and
+he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the
+street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him
+where she will be the least exposed to crowding.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OFFERING THE ARM TO A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever her safety, comfort or
+convenience seems to require it, offer <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>a lady companion his arm. At
+other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband
+and wife or engaged. In the latter case, it is not always advisable to
+do so, as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KEEPING STEP.</b></div>
+
+<p>In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it is desirable that
+the two keep step. Ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as
+far as practicable, to that of their escort. It is easily done.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OPENING THE DOOR FOR A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first.
+This is obligatory, not only in the case of the lady who accompanies
+him, but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to
+enter at the same time.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ANSWERING QUESTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may
+address to him upon the street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at
+least touching it respectfully.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SMOKING UPON THE STREETS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In England a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets. While this
+rule does not hold good in this country, yet no gentleman will ever
+insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company, and in meeting
+and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR.</b></div>
+
+<p>No gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners
+and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing
+every lady who passes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARRYING PACKAGES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a
+package of any kind, but will insist upon relieving her of it. He may
+even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his
+assistance, if their ways lie in the same direction.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHOUTING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the
+other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then
+make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately
+loud tone of voice.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TWO GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not
+be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the
+outside and the other upon the inside.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm, and they cross
+the street, it is better not to disengage the arm, and go round upon the
+outside. Such <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is
+always to be avoided.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>When on your way to fill an engagement, if a friend stops you on the
+street you may, without committing a breach of etiquette, tell him of
+your appointment, and release yourself from any delay that may be
+occasioned by a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing
+regret for the necessity.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WALKING WITH A LADY ACQUAINTANCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the
+purpose of walking with her, unless he ascertains that his company would
+be perfectly agreeable to her. It might be otherwise, and she should
+frankly say so, if asked.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PASSING BEFORE A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a lady wishes to enter a store, house or room, if a gentleman
+accompanies her, he should hold the door open and allow her to enter
+first, if practicable; for a gentleman must never pass before a lady
+anywhere if he can avoid it, or without an apology.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHOPPING ETIQUETTE.</b></div>
+
+<p>In inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or
+salesman, "I want" such an article, but, "Please show me" such an
+article, or some other polite form of address.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>You should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which
+another person is examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter,
+when you are at liberty to examine it.</p>
+
+<p>It is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they
+have finished making their purchases, or to ask their attention to your
+own purchases. It is rude to offer your opinion unasked, upon their
+judgment or taste, in the selection of goods.</p>
+
+<p>It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly
+discourteous to the salesman. Use no deceit, but be honest with them, if
+you wish them to be honest with you.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid "jewing down" the prices of articles in any way. If the price does
+not suit, you may say so quietly, and depart, but it is generally best
+to say nothing about it.</p>
+
+<p>It is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do
+better elsewhere, which should be resented by instant departure.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small
+talk, while other customers are in the store to be waited upon.</p>
+
+<p>Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly
+vulgar.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE FOR PUBLIC CONVEYANCES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In street cars, omnibuses and other public street conveyances, it should
+be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering,
+and no gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>man will retain his seat when there are ladies standing.
+When a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman, she expresses her thanks in
+a kind and pleasant manner.</p>
+
+<p>A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept the offer of services from a
+stranger in alighting from, or entering an omnibus or other public
+conveyance, and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant
+"Thank you, sir," or a bow.</p>
+
+<p>Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.</p>
+
+<p>Gentlemen should not cross their legs, nor stretch their feet out into
+the passage-way of a public conveyance.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AVOID CUTTING.</b></div>
+
+<p>No gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized
+him, under any circumstances. A young lady should, under no provocation,
+"cut" a married lady. It is the privilege of age to first recognize
+those who are younger in years. No young man will fail to recognize an
+aged one after he has met with recognition. "Cutting" is to be avoided
+if possible. There are other ways of convincing a man that you do not
+know him, yet, to young ladies, it is sometimes the only means available
+to rid them of troublesome acquaintances. "Cutting" consists in
+returning a bow or recognition with a stare, and is publicly ignoring
+the acquaintance of the person so treated. It is sometimes done by words
+in saying, "Really I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AVOIDING CARRIAGES.</b></div>
+
+<p>For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is
+inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the
+carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The
+foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude
+until the melancholy train has passed, is a commendable one to be
+followed in this country.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KEEP TO THE RIGHT.</b></div>
+
+<p>On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right hand,
+except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside
+to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a
+heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is
+but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside.
+Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two
+ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half
+deluges his companions with its dripping streams.</p>
+
+<p>Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down,
+or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the
+way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street
+after dark. If she passes the evening with a friend, provision should be
+made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at
+whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some
+proper person&mdash;a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband&mdash;to
+perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if
+circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow
+her to precede him in going down.</p>
+
+<p>Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and
+dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name
+and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting
+while you are disputing with a hack-man.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-157a.png" width="400" height="159" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-159.png" width="400" height="271" alt="SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK." title="SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK." />
+<span class="caption">SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of Public Places.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;">
+<img src="images/a.png" width="120" height="300" alt="A" title="A" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>LL</b></big> well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all
+places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be
+found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of
+others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by
+instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in
+whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the
+fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings
+of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into
+social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and
+prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many
+people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness,
+are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining
+to places of public assemblages. It is for this reason that rules are
+here given by which may be regulated the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>conduct of people in various
+public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call
+forth unfavorable criticism.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT IN CHURCH.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.</p>
+
+<p>When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until
+an usher appears to show you to a seat.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the
+side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should
+be no haste in passing up the aisle.</p>
+
+<p>People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and
+avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with
+the feet or hands.</p>
+
+<p>It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it
+is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head
+of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is
+customary for him to sit by her side during church services.</p>
+
+<p>A person should never leave church until the services are over, except
+in some case of emergency.</p>
+
+<p>Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir,
+to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing
+noise.</p>
+
+<p>If books or fans are passed in church, let them be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>offered and accepted
+or refused with a silent gesture of the head.</p>
+
+<p>It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if
+the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should
+be indicated.</p>
+
+<p>It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book
+with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.</p>
+
+<p>In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost
+respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of
+the church&mdash;that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No
+matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you,
+let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the
+church.</p>
+
+<p>When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up
+the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously.
+When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings
+with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous
+laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule
+or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of
+their eyes and tongues.</p>
+
+<p>If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to
+her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This
+he must do with the ungloved right hand.</p>
+
+<p>In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one
+should always go at a time when there <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>are no services being held. If
+people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case
+in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor
+should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not
+disturb them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre,
+concert or other public place of amusement, must send his invitation the
+previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines,
+there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.</p>
+
+<p>It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment,
+or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where
+they can neither see nor hear.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATER OR PUBLIC HALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk
+side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which
+case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her
+to take the inner one, assuming the outer one himself.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the
+beginning to the close of the performance.</p>
+
+<p>If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to
+promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must
+retain his position by her side.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to
+a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he
+accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse
+with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable
+to her as possible.</p>
+
+<p>During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the
+audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts
+it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone,
+so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should
+be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like
+demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention
+of others.</p>
+
+<p>It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they
+deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving
+satisfaction.</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and
+with libretto also if they are attending opera.</p>
+
+<p>In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should
+precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.</p>
+
+<p>If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call
+for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the
+evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to
+reach their destination before the performance commences.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span> It is unjust
+to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in
+obtaining seats.</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following
+day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of
+delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real
+pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for
+criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and
+seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking
+her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMAIN UNTIL THE PERFORMANCE CLOSES.</b></div>
+
+<p>At a theatrical or operatic performance, you should remain seated until
+the performance is concluded and the curtain falls. It is exceedingly
+rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing
+to a close, yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been
+followed by many well-meaning people, who, if they were aware of the
+extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience, and
+unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage, would shrink
+from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment
+of a gentleman or a lady. Make no loud comments and do not seek to show
+superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism. If you have
+not an art education you will probably only <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>be giving publicity to your
+own ignorance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus
+obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you
+wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects, draw to one side,
+out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT AT CHARITY FAIRS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their
+price, unless you can praise. If you want them, pay the price demanded,
+or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all
+means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances
+to be within hearing. If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike
+means to obtain buyers. Not even the demands of charity can justify you
+in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or
+beyond their means.</p>
+
+<p>Never appear so beggarly as to retain the change, if a larger amount is
+presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentleman
+will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it
+with thanks. He is, however, under no obligation whatever to make such
+donation.</p>
+
+<p>Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid
+conspicuous flirting in so public a place.</p>
+
+<p>As a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, so
+he should remain with head uncovered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a
+public place of this character.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT IN AN ARTIST'S STUDIO.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you have occasion to visit an artist's studio, by no means meddle
+with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which stands or hangs with
+face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter
+by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or
+article of <i>vertu</i> posed as a model. You do not know with what care the
+artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the
+disarrangement may cost him.</p>
+
+<p>Use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything
+presented for your inspection. If a picture or a statue please you, show
+your approval and appreciation by close attention, and a few quiet, well
+chosen words, rather than by extravagant praise.</p>
+
+<p>Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a
+purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works,
+make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a
+written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You
+may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from
+the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask
+his price, and if he names a higher one than you wish to give, you may
+say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be
+optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your
+offer.</p>
+
+<p>It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special
+invitation or permission, and at an appointed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>time, for you cannot
+estimate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight
+are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil
+is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice, and may be
+instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors.</p>
+
+<p>Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in
+spite of the most careful watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor
+will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant
+state of apprehension.</p>
+
+<p>If you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist
+waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so you should in
+justice pay for the time you make him lose.</p>
+
+<p>A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work;
+for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb
+him greatly.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENTLEMEN PASSING BEFORE LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated
+in lecture and concert rooms, theaters and other public places, should
+beg pardon for disturbing them; passing with their faces and never with
+their backs toward them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WHERE GENTLEMEN MAY KEEP THEIR HATS ON.</b></div>
+
+<p>At garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air, gentlemen
+keep their hats on their heads. If draughts of cold air, or other
+causes, make it necessary <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>for them to retain their hats on their heads,
+when in the presence of ladies within doors, they explain the necessity
+and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-169.png" width="300" height="261" alt="Church" title="Church" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of Travelling.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HERE</b></big> is nothing that tests the natural politeness of men and women so
+thoroughly as traveling. We all desire as much comfort as possible and
+as a rule are selfish. In these days of railroad travel, when every
+railway is equipped with elegant coaches for the comfort, convenience
+and sometimes luxury of its passengers, and provided with gentlemanly
+conductors and servants, the longest journeys by railroad can be made
+alone by self-possessed ladies with perfect safety and but little
+annoyance. Then, too, a lady who deports herself as such may travel from
+the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Maine to the Gulf of Mexico, and meet
+with no affront or insult, but on the contrary receive polite attentions
+at every point, from men who may chance to be her fellow-travelers. This
+may be accounted for from the fact that, as a rule in America, all men
+show a deferential regard for women, and are especially desirous of
+showing them such attentions as will render a long and lonesome journey
+as pleasant as possible.<br /><br /></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.</b></div>
+
+<p>However self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general
+bearing a lady may be, and though capable of undertaking any journey,
+howsoever long it may be, an escort is at all times much more pleasant,
+and generally acceptable. When a gentleman undertakes the escort of a
+lady, he should proceed with her to the depot, or meet her there, a
+sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the
+checking of her baggage, procure her ticket, and obtain for her an
+eligible seat in the cars, allowing her to choose such seat as she
+desires. He will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their
+proper receptacle, and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for
+her as possible, taking a seat near her, or by the side of her if she
+requests it, and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one.</p>
+
+<p>Upon arriving at her destination, he should conduct her to the ladies'
+waiting-room or to a carriage, until he has attended to her baggage,
+which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it. He
+should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and
+deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care. On
+the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health.
+It is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged
+or not after this call. If the lady does not wish to prolong the
+acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her friends, to request a
+similar favor of him at another time.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DUTY OF A LADY TO HER ESCORT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The lady may supply her escort with a sum of money ample to pay all the
+expenses of the journey before purchasing her ticket, or furnish him the
+exact amount required, or, at the suggestion of her escort, she may
+allow him to defray the expenses from his own pocket, and settle with
+him at the end of the journey. The latter course, however, should only
+be pursued when the gentleman suggests it, and a strict account of the
+expenses incurred must be insisted on.</p>
+
+<p>A lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as
+possible, and she should make no unnecessary demands upon his good
+nature and gentlemanly services. Her hand-baggage should be as small as
+circumstances will permit, and when once disposed of, it should remain
+undisturbed until she is about to leave the car, unless she should
+absolutely require it. As the the train nears the end of her journey,
+she will deliberately gather together her effects preparatory to
+departure, so that when the train stops she will be ready to leave the
+car at once and not wait to hurriedly grab her various parcels, or cause
+her escort unnecessary delay.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A LADY TRAVELING ALONE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services from her
+fellow-travelers, which she should always acknowledge graciously.
+Indeed, it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an
+unescorted lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or lower her
+win<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>dow if she seems to have any difficulty in doing it herself. He may
+offer his assistance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or
+in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. Still, women should learn
+to be as self-reliant as possible; and young women particularly should
+accept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the slightest
+offices, very rarely.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LADIES MAY ASSIST OTHER LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not only the right, but the duty of ladies to render any
+assistance or be of any service to younger ladies, or those less
+experienced in traveling than themselves. They may show many little
+courtesies which will make the journey less tedious to the inexperienced
+traveler, and may give her important advice or assistance which may be
+of benefit to her. An acquaintance formed in traveling, need never be
+retained afterwards. It is optional whether it is or not.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE COMFORT OF OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In seeking his own comfort, no passenger has a right to overlook or
+disregard that of others. If for his own comfort, he wishes to raise or
+lower a window he should consult the wishes of passengers immediately
+around him before doing so. The discomforts of traveling should be borne
+cheerfully, for what may enhance your own comfort may endanger the
+health of some fellow-traveler.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>See everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have
+their wants supplied before you think of your own. Nor is there need for
+unmanly haste or pushing in entering or leaving cars or boats. There is
+always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly
+manner and with a due regard to the rights of others.</p>
+
+<p>If, in riding in the street-cars or crossing a ferry, your friend
+insists on paying for you, permit him to do so without serious
+remonstrance. You can return the favor at some other time.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>READING WHEN TRAVELLING.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a gentleman in traveling, either on cars or steamboat, has provided
+himself with newspapers or other reading, he should offer them to his
+companions first. If they are refused, he may with propriety read
+himself, leaving the others free to do the same if they wish.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS.</b></div>
+
+<p>No lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a
+crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations she should at
+once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat
+beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it, no matter how
+agreeable it may be to retain possession of it.</p>
+
+<p>It shows a great lack of proper manners to see two <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>ladies, or a lady
+and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their
+wraps and bundles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or
+remonstrating looks of fellow-passengers. In such a case any person who
+desires a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage
+and taking possession of the unused seat.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to
+purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch, leaving the
+seat in charge of a companion, or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat
+upon it to show that it is engaged. When a seat is thus occupied, the
+right of possession must be respected, and no one should presume to take
+a seat thus previously engaged, even though it may be wanted for a lady.
+A gentleman cannot, however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another
+in the smoking-car, and at the same time reserve his rights to the first
+seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the
+first.</p>
+
+<p>It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his
+seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do
+so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor
+accommodations.</p>
+
+<p>In the street cars the case is different. No woman should be allowed to
+stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the
+man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford
+to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DISCRETION IN FORMING ACQUAINTANCES.</b></div>
+
+<p>While an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat,
+continues only during the trip, discretion should be used in making
+acquaintances. Ladies may, as has been stated, accept small courtesies
+and favors from strangers, but must check at once any attempt at
+familiarity. On the other hand, no man who pretends to be a gentleman
+will attempt any familiarity. The practice of some young girls just
+entering into womanhood, of flirting with any young man they may chance
+to meet, either in a railway car or on a steamboat, indicates
+low-breeding in the extreme. If, however, the journey is long, and
+especially if it be on a steamboat, a certain sociability may be
+allowed, and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her
+privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one, for fellow-passengers
+should always be sociable to one another.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-176.png" width="400" height="74" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
+
+<h3>RIDING AND DRIVING.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 122px;">
+<img src="images/o.png" width="122" height="300" alt="O" title="O" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>NE</b></big> of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amusements that can be
+indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on
+horseback, and it is a matter of regret that it is not participated in
+to a greater extent than it is. The etiquette of riding, though meagre,
+is exact and important.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LEARNING TO RIDE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The first thing to do is to learn to ride, and no one should attempt to
+appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken.
+Until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback, he or she
+should not appear in public. The advice given in the old rhyme should be
+kept in mind, viz:</p>
+
+<p>
+Keep up your head and your heart,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Your hands and your heels keep down;</span><br />
+Press your knees close to your horse's sides,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And your elbows close to your own.</span><br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE GENTLEMAN'S DUTY AS AN ESCORT.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady, his first duty is to
+see that her horse is a proper one for her use, and one that she can
+readily manage. He must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly
+secure, and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men, without
+personal examination. He must be punctual at the appointed hour, and not
+keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume. He should see
+the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself; take
+his position on the lady's right in riding, open all gates and pay all
+tolls on the road.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-178.png" width="300" height="276" alt="Horseback Riding" title="Horseback Riding" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The lady will place herself on the left side of the horse, standing as
+close to it as possible, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her
+right hand upon the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The
+gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and
+stooping, hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it. This she
+does, when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in
+gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup,
+smooth the skirt of her riding habit, and give her the reins and her
+riding whip.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RIDING WITH LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In riding with one lady, a gentleman takes his position to the right of
+her. When riding with two or more, his position is still to the right
+unless one of them needs his assistance or requests his presence near
+her. He must offer all the courtesies of the road, and yield the best
+and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady must always decide upon the
+pace at which to ride. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse
+to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.</p>
+
+<p>If a gentleman, when riding alone, meets a lady who is walking and
+wishes to enter into conversation with her, he must alight and remain on
+foot while talking with her.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM HER HORSE.</b></div>
+
+<p>After the ride, the gentleman must assist his companion to alight. She
+must first free her knee from the pommel, and be certain that her habit
+is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right,
+and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand
+slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing. A
+lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRIVING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses, and
+gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies. If only one
+gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage, the
+gentleman must sit opposite the lady, unless she invites him to a seat
+by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing
+the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, which she never
+resigns. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most
+distinguished lady. A person should enter a carriage with the back to
+the seat, so as to prevent turning round in the carriage. A gentleman
+must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress. In driving,
+one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and
+passing another vehicle is to keep to the right.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ASSISTING LADIES TO ALIGHT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pass
+before a lady in doing so. He must then assist the ladies to alight. If
+there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door,
+but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required
+assistance. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the
+gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out, and if she
+wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight to help her to do so.</p>
+
+<p>In assisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman will take care that
+the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. A carriage robe
+should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the
+road. The gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol, fan and
+shawl, and see that she is comfortable in every way, before he seats
+himself.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRUSTING THE DRIVER.</b></div>
+
+<p>While driving with another who holds the reins, you must not interfere
+with the driver, as anything of this kind implies a reproof, which is
+very offensive. If you think his conduct wrong, or are in fear of danger
+resulting, you may delicately suggest a change, apologizing therefor.
+You should resign yourself to the driver's control, and be perfectly
+calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Courtship and Marriage.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> correct behavior of young men toward young ladies, and of young
+ladies toward young men, during that portion of their lives when they
+are respectively paying attention to, and receiving attention from, one
+another, is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this
+nature.</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A GENTLEMAN'S CONDUCT TOWARD LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Young people of either sex, who have arrived at mature age, and who are
+not engaged, have the utmost freedom in their social intercourse in this
+country, and are at liberty to associate and mingle freely in the same
+circles with those of the opposite sex. Gentlemen are at liberty to
+invite their lady friends to concerts, operas, balls, etc., to call upon
+them at their homes, to ride and drive with them, and make themselves
+agreeable to all young ladies to whom their company is acceptable. In
+fact they are at liberty to accept invitations and give them <i>ad
+libitum</i>. As soon, however, as a young gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>man neglects all others,
+to devote himself to a single lady, he gives that lady reason to suppose
+that he is particularly attracted to her, and may give her cause to
+believe that she is to become engaged to him, without telling her so. A
+gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony should not pay too
+exclusive attention to any one lady.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A LADY'S CONDUCT TOWARD GENTLEMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>A young lady who is not engaged may receive calls and attentions from
+such unmarried gentlemen as she desires, and may accept invitations to
+ride, to concerts, theatres, etc. She should use due discretion,
+however, as to whom she favors by the acceptance of such invitations. A
+young lady should not allow special attention from anyone to whom she is
+not specially attracted, because, first, she may do injury to the
+gentleman in seeming to give his suit encouragement; and, secondly, she
+may keep away from her those whom she likes better, but who will not
+approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already
+interested. A young lady should not encourage the addresses of a
+gentleman unless she feels that she can return his affections. It is the
+prerogative of a man to propose, and of a woman to accept or refuse, and
+a lady of tact and kind heart will exercise her prerogative before her
+suitor is brought to the humiliation of an offer which must result in a
+refusal.</p>
+
+<p>No well-bred lady will too eagerly receive the attentions of a
+gentleman, no matter how much she admires <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>him; nor, on the other hand,
+will she be so reserved as to altogether discourage him. A man may show
+considerable attention to a lady without becoming a lover; and so a lady
+may let it be seen that she is not disagreeable to him without
+discouraging him. She will be able to judge soon from his actions and
+deportment, as to his motive in paying her his attentions, and will
+treat him accordingly. A man does not like to be refused when he makes a
+proposal, and no man of tact will risk a refusal. Neither will a
+well-bred lady encourage a man to make a proposal, which she must
+refuse. She should endeavor, in discouraging him as a lover, to retain
+his friendship. A young man of sensibilities, who can take a hint when
+it is offered him, need not run the risk of a refusal.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PREMATURE DECLARATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, for a gentleman to make
+a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance. A lady who
+would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the
+discretion needed to make a good wife.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THOROUGH ACQUAINTANCE AS A BASIS FOR MARRIAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is
+a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage. There should be
+thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes
+and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship
+and proposal. In France it is the business of the parents to settle all
+preliminaries. In England the young man asks the consent of the parents
+to pay addresses to their daughter. In this country the matter is left
+almost entirely to the young people.</p>
+
+<p>It seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to
+engagement. Thus, a man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may
+discover before any promise binds them to each other, that they are
+entirely unsuited to one another, when he may, with perfect propriety
+and without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his attentions.</p>
+
+<p>Certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be
+obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage. While
+there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course, still, in this
+country, with our social customs, it is deemed best in most cases not to
+be too strict in this regard. Each case has its own peculiar
+circumstances which must govern it, and it seems at least pardonable if
+the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of
+the most interested party, before he submits himself to the cooler
+judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother, who are
+not by any means in love with him, and who may possibly regard him with
+a somewhat jealous eye, as having already monopolized their daughter's
+affections, and now desires to take her away from them altogether.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PARENTS SHOULD EXERCISE AUTHORITY OVER DAUGHTERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their
+daughter's associates, and they should exercise their authority so far
+as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances. In regulating
+the social relations of their daughter, parents should bear in mind the
+possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come
+in frequent contact. Therefore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is
+particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be excluded as far as
+practicable from her society.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A WATCHFUL CARE REQUIRED BY PARENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Parents, especially mothers, should also watch with a jealous care the
+tendencies of their daughter's affections; and if they see them turning
+toward unworthy or undesirable objects, influence of some sort should be
+brought to bear to counteract this. Great delicacy and tact are required
+to manage matters rightly. A more suitable person may, if available, be
+brought forward, in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention.
+The objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor should be made
+apparent to her without the act seeming to be intentional; and if all
+this fails, let change of scene and surroundings by travel or visiting
+accomplish the desired result. The latter course will generally do it,
+if matters have not been allowed to progress too far and the young girl
+is not informed <i>why</i> she is temporarily banished from home.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AN ACCEPTABLE SUITOR.</b></div>
+
+<p>Parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct just
+how matters stand with their daughter; and if the suitor is an
+acceptable one and everything satisfactory, then the most scrupulous
+rules of etiquette will not prevent their letting the young couple
+alone. If the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and consult
+her father afterward, consider that he has a perfect right to do so. If
+her parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by a silent
+consent, he has a right to believe that his addresses will be favorably
+received by them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REQUIREMENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Respect for each other is as necessary to a happy marriage as that the
+husband and wife should have an affection for one another. Social
+equality, intellectual sympathy, and sufficient means are very important
+matters to be considered by those who contemplate matrimony.</p>
+
+<p>It must be remembered that husband and wife, after marriage, have social
+relations to sustain, and perhaps it will be discovered, before many
+months of wedded life have passed, when there is a social inequality,
+that one of the two have made a sacrifice for which no adequate
+compensation has been or ever will be received. And so both lives become
+soured and spoiled, because neither receives nor can receive the
+sympathy which their efforts deserve, and because their cares are
+multiplied from a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>want of congeniality. One or the other may find that
+the noble qualities seen by the impulse of early love, were but the
+creation of an infatuated fancy, existing only in the mind where it
+originated.</p>
+
+<p>Another condition of domestic happiness is intellectual sympathy. Man
+requires a woman who can make his home a place of rest for him, and
+woman requires a man of domestic tastes. While a woman who seeks to find
+happiness in a married life will never consent to be wedded to an idler
+or a pleasure-seeker, so a man of intelligence will wed none but a woman
+of intelligence and good sense. Neither beauty, physical characteristics
+nor other external qualifications will compensate for the absence of
+intellectual thought and clear and quick comprehensions. An absurd idea
+is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go
+together; that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at
+home to look after the interests of her household and children. A more
+unreasonable idea has never been suggested, for as the intellect is
+strengthened and cultured, it has a greater capacity of affection, of
+domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others.</p>
+
+<p>Mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for happiness in
+married life. There can be no true love without trust. The
+responsibility of a man's life is in a woman's keeping from the moment
+he puts his heart into her hands. Without mutual trust there can be no
+real happiness.</p>
+
+<p>Another requisite for conjugal happiness is moral and religious
+sympathy, that each may walk side by side in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>the same path of moral
+purpose and social usefulness, with joint hope of immortality.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Rules in regard to proposals of marriage cannot be laid down, for they
+are and should be as different as people. The best way is to apply to
+the lady in person, and receive the answer from her own lips. If courage
+should fail a man in this, he can resort to writing, by which he can
+clearly and boldly express his feelings. A spoken declaration should be
+bold, manly and earnest, and so plain in its meaning that there can be
+no misunderstanding. As to the exact words to be used, there can be no
+set formula; each proposer must be governed by his own ideas and sense
+of propriety in the matter.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DO NOT PRESS AN UNWELCOME SUIT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman should evince a sincere and unselfish affection for his
+beloved, and he will show as well as feel that her happiness must be
+considered before his own. Consequently he should not press an unwelcome
+suit upon a young lady. If she has no affection for him, and does not
+conceive it possible even to entertain any, it is cruel to urge her to
+give her person without her love. The eager lover may believe, for the
+time being, that such possession would satisfy him, but the day will
+surely come when he will reproach his wife that she had no love for him,
+and he will possibly make that an excuse for all manner of unkindness.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A LADY'S FIRST REFUSAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not always necessary to take a lady's first refusal as absolute.
+Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence
+a lady to reply in the negative, and after-consideration cause her to
+regret that reply.</p>
+
+<p>Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been
+once repulsed, still it should not be repeated too often nor too long,
+lest it should degenerate into importuning.</p>
+
+<p>No lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say "no" twice to a suit
+which she intends ultimately to receive with favor. A lady should be
+allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind; and if the
+gentleman grows impatient at the delay, he is always at liberty to
+insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his
+impatience.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A LADY'S POSITIVE REFUSAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady who really means "no" should be able to so say it as to make her
+meaning unmistakable. For her own sake and that of her suitor, if she
+really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive, yet kind
+and dignified, and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being
+final.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRIFLING WITH A LADY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner. It is most
+unfair to a lady. He has no right <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>to trifle with her feelings for mere
+sport, nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a
+jest.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A DOUBTFUL ANSWER.</b></div>
+
+<p>Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer
+given under the plea of sparing the suitor's feelings. It raises false
+hopes. It renders a man restless and unsettled. It may cause him to
+express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not
+dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO TREAT A REFUSAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>As a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her,
+so no sensible man will think the worse of her, nor feel himself
+personally injured by a refusal. That it will give him pain is most
+probable. A scornful "no" or a simpering promise to "think about it" is
+the reverse of generous.</p>
+
+<p>In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor
+intended her by the gentleman, and to add, seriously but not
+offensively, that it is not in accordance with her inclination, or that
+circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>UNLADYLIKE CONDUCT TOWARD A SUITOR.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in
+suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the
+eyes of friends. Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of
+the offer she had received and rejected. Such an offer is a privileged
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>communication. The secret of it should be held sacred. No true lady
+will ever divulge to anyone, unless it may be to her mother, the fact of
+such an offer. It is the severest breach of honor to do so. A lady who
+has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second
+opportunity for thus boasting.</p>
+
+<p>No true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of
+commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to
+throw a cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress, or abusing
+his confidence, must be inexpressibly painful to her.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE REJECTED SUITOR.</b></div>
+
+<p>The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Etiquette demands that
+he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field.
+He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she assign it,
+he is bound to respect her secret, if it is one, and to hold it
+inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with
+marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste. The proper
+course is to withdraw as much as possible, from the circles in which she
+moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be otherwise
+than painful.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTS AFTER ENGAGEMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a couple become engaged, the gentleman presents the lady with a
+ring, which is worn on the ring-finger of the right hand. He may also
+make her other small presents from time to time, until they are married,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>but if she has any scruples about accepting them, he can send her
+flowers, which are at all times acceptable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT OF THE FIANCEE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The conduct of the <i>fiancee</i> should be tender, assiduous and
+unobtrusive. He will be kind and polite to the sisters of his betrothed
+and friendly with her brothers. Yet he must not be in any way unduly
+familiar or force himself into family confidences on the ground that he
+is to be regarded as a member of the family. Let the advance come rather
+from them to him, and let him show a due appreciation of any confidences
+which they may be pleased to bestow upon him. The family of the young
+man should make the first advances toward an acquaintance with his
+future wife. They should call upon her or write to her, and they may
+with perfect propriety invite her to visit them in order that they may
+become acquainted.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE POSITION OF AN ENGAGED WOMAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>An engaged woman should eschew all flirtations, though it does not
+follow that she is to cut herself off from all association with the
+other sex because she has chosen her future husband. She may still have
+friends and acquaintances, she may still receive visits and calls, but
+she must try to conduct herself in such a manner as to give no offense.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>POSITION OF AN ENGAGED MAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>The same rules may be laid down in regard to the other party to the
+contract, only that he pays visits <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>instead of receiving them. Neither
+should assume a masterful or jealous altitude toward the other. They are
+neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but must
+mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before, and take the
+same delight in friendship. The fact that they have confessed their love
+for each other, ought to be deemed a sufficient guarantee of
+faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust and confidence.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE RELATIONS OF AN ENGAGED COUPLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A young man has no right to put a slight upon his future bride by
+appearing in public with other ladies while she remains neglected at
+home. He is in future her legitimate escort. He should attend no other
+lady when she needs his services; she should accept no other escort when
+he is at liberty to attend her. A lady should not be too demonstrative
+of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the
+chance of "a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip;" and over-demonstrations
+of love are not pleasant to be remembered by a young lady, if the man to
+whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband. An
+honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such
+demonstration. He will always maintain a respectful and decorous
+demeanor toward her.</p>
+
+<p>No young man who would shrink from being guilty of a great impropriety,
+should ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock, unless it be the
+common custom of the family to remain up and to entertain visitors to a
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>later hour, and the visit paid is a family one and not a <i>tete-a-tete</i>.
+Two hours is quite long enough for a call; and the young man will give
+evidence of his affection no less than his consideration, by making his
+visits short, and, if need be, making them often, rather than by
+prolonging to unreasonable hours.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LOVERS' DISPUTES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Neither party should try to make the other jealous for the purpose of
+testing his or her affection. Such a course is contemptible; and if the
+affections of the other are permanently lost by it, the offending party
+is only gaining his or her just deserts. Neither should there be
+provocation to little quarrels for the foolish delight of
+reconciliation. No lover will assume a domineering attitude over his
+future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape from his thrall
+before she becomes his wife in reality. A domineering lover will be
+certain to be more domineering as a husband.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engagement. Many circumstances
+will justify this. Indeed anything which may occur or be discovered
+which shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable or unhappy one
+is, and should be accepted as, justification for such rupture. Still,
+breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing, and
+ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons. It is
+generally best to break an engagement by letter. By this means one <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>can
+express himself or herself more clearly, and give the true reason for
+his or her course much better than in a personal interview. The letter
+breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything, in the way
+of portraits, letters or gifts, that has been received during the
+engagement. Such letters should be acknowledged in a dignified manner,
+and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the
+decision of the writer, unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly
+mistaken in his or her premises. A similar return of letters, portraits
+and gifts should be made.</p>
+
+<p>Many men, in taking retrospective glances, remember how they were
+devoted to women, the memory of whom calls up only a vague sort of
+wonder how they ever could have fallen into the state of infatuation in
+which they once were. The same may be said of many women. Heart-breaking
+separations have taken place between young men and young women who have
+learned that the sting of parting does not last forever. The heart,
+lacerated by a hopeless or misplaced attachment, when severed from the
+cause of its woe, gradually heals and prepares itself to receive fresh
+wounds, for affection requires either a constant contemplation of, or
+intercourse, with its object, to keep it alive.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-075.png" width="350" height="64" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Etiquette of Weddings.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied, and the
+religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous, that to lay
+down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great
+difficulty, if not an impossibility. Consequently only those forms of
+marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies, and all the attendant
+ceremonials will here be given, and others may be modeled after them as
+the occasion may seem to require. After the marriage invitations are
+issued, the <i>fiancee</i> does not appear in public. It is also <i>de rigueur</i>
+at morning weddings, that she does not see the bridegroom on the
+wedding-day, until they meet at the altar.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BRIDEMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be
+bridemaids&mdash;the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom, where it is
+possible. The bridegroom <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>chooses his best man and the groomsmen and
+ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from
+the relatives of his <i>fiancee</i> of a suitable age. The dresses of the
+bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make
+it necessary.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BRIDAL COSTUME.</b></div>
+
+<p>The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high
+corsage, a long wide veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a
+wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can
+continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the
+ceremony.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>COSTUMES OF THE BRIDEGROOM AND USHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning
+dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and
+light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear
+gloves of some delicate color.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTS OF THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.</b></div>
+
+<p>Where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day,
+they generally consist of some articles of jewelry, not costly, and
+given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic
+worth. The bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some
+quaint device, or some other slight memento of the day, as a slight
+acknowledgment of their services.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CEREMONIALS WHEN THERE ARE NO USHERS OR BRIDEMAIDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the
+church are as follows: The members of the bride's family proceed to the
+church before the bride, who follows with her mother. The bridegroom
+awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother. They
+walk up the aisle to the altar, the mother falling back to her position
+on the left. The father, or relative representing him, conducts the
+bride to the bridegroom, who stands at the altar with his face turned
+toward her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the left. The
+relatives follow, taking their places standing; those of the bride to
+the left, those of the groom to the right. After kneeling at the altar
+for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the bridegroom, takes
+the glove off from her left hand, while he takes the glove off from his
+right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her
+away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler form
+than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the
+clergyman. Perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties
+during the ceremony.</p>
+
+<p>The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's right arm, and they
+pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It is
+considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles
+while in the church.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage, the rest
+following in their carriages.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS TO THE CEREMONY ONLY.</b></div>
+
+<p>When the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive, it has
+become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called
+to the wedding breakfast, to attend the ceremony at church. This stands
+in the place of issuing cards. No one must think of calling on the newly
+married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at
+church, or cards after their establishment in their new home.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE LATEST CEREMONIALS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The latest New York form for conducting the marriage ceremony is
+substantially as follows:</p>
+
+<p>When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in
+pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right. Behind them
+follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar he turns, faces the
+aisle, and watches intently for the coming of his bride. After a slight
+interval the bridemaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the
+left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely
+veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes
+forward a few steps to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the
+altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents of the
+bride, having followed her, stand just behind her and partly to the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>left. The services by the clergyman now proceed as usual.</p>
+
+<p>While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the
+bridemaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they
+afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her
+own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the
+reception room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his&mdash;the
+first bridemaid retaining the place of honor.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE USHERS' DUTIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>The ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts
+to parties, who arrive slowly from the church, conducting them to the
+bridal party, and there presenting them by name. This announcement
+becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought
+together for the first time. If ladies are present without gentlemen,
+the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room, or
+provide them with attendants.</p>
+
+<p>At the church the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the
+inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies, as they enter,
+to their proper seats in the church. If a lady be accompanied by a
+gentleman, the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown
+her. The ushers, knowing the two families, understand where to place the
+nearer, and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party,
+the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance, and
+the bride's upon the left. The distribu<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>tion of guests places the father
+(or guardian) of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ANOTHER FORM OF CHURCH CEREMONIALS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be
+varied to suit the taste. Precedents for the style already described are
+found among the highest social circles in New York and other large
+cities, but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their
+grandmothers, which is almost strictly an American fashion. In this
+style, the bridemaids, each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman, first
+pass up the aisle to the altar, the ladies going to their left, and the
+gentlemen to their right. The groom follows with the bride's mother, or
+some one to represent her, leaning on his arm, whom he seats in a front
+pew at the left. The bride follows, clinging to the arm of her father
+(or near relative), who leads her to the groom. The father waits at her
+left and a step or two back of her, until asked to give her away, which
+he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the
+clergyman. After this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew,
+and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church.</p>
+
+<p>In case there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs,
+just in advance of the groom, and parting at the altar, half of them
+stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is
+congratulating the bride, they pass out in pairs, a little in advance of
+the wedded couple.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WEDDINGS AT HOME.</b></div>
+
+<p>Weddings at home vary but little from those at church. The music, the
+assembling of friends, the <i>entree</i> of the bridal party to the position
+selected, are the same. An altar of flowers, and a place of kneeling can
+be easily arranged at home. The space behind the altar need be no wider
+than is allowed for the clergyman to stand. The altar is generally only
+a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or
+blossoms. Other floral accessories, such as the marriage-bell,
+horseshoe, or white dove, etc., can be arranged with ease by a skillful
+florist, if desired.</p>
+
+<p>When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places
+and face their friends, who proceed to congratulate them. If space be
+required, the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed, a little
+later, without observation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE EVENING WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>If the wedding occur in the evening, the only difference in the
+ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen
+wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for
+their journey before the dancing party disperses, and thus leave
+unobserved. At the morning wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives
+remain to witness the departure of the pair.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>"AT HOME" RECEPTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own, it
+is customary to issue "at home"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> cards for a few evenings, at an early
+date after the wedding, for informal receptions. Only such persons are
+invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends, or perhaps only
+those whom they can afford to retain. This is a suitable opportunity to
+carefully re-arrange one's social list, and their list of old
+acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of
+housekeeping. This custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a
+social necessity, and nobody is offended.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>All guests and friends who receive "at home" invitations, or who are
+invited to the church, are required by etiquette to call upon the family
+of the bride, or to leave their cards, within ten days after the
+wedding.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE WEDDING RING.</b></div>
+
+<p>All churches at present use the ring, and vary the sentiment of its
+adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites. A jeweled
+ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at
+present a plain gold circlet, with the date of the engagement inscribed
+within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the
+altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring
+is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church, or
+as soon after the service as is convenient. It stands guard over its
+precious fellow, and is a confirmation of the first promise.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE MARRIAGE CEREMONIALS OF A WIDOW.</b></div>
+
+<p>The marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in
+not wearing the veil and orange blossoms. She may be costumed in white
+and have her maids at the altar if she pleases. This liberty, however,
+has only been given her within a few years. On her wedding cards of
+invitation, her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name; which
+is done in respect to her parents. Having dropped the initials of her
+dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning, she uses her
+Christian name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she
+becomes again a wife, she may prefix the last name of her children to
+her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in
+common with herself. This respect is really due them, and etiquette
+permits it, although our social usages do not command its adoption. The
+formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated
+in the same manner as those of a younger bride. No fixed forms can be
+arranged for entertainments, which must be controlled by circumstances.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script. Neither Old
+English nor German text are admissible in invitations. The following is
+given as the latest form for invitations:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-206.png" width="400" height="408" alt="Wedding Invitation" title="Wedding Invitation" />
+</div>
+
+<p>This invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns and
+cities receiving it, inclose their cards, and send by mail. Residents
+call on the family within the prescribed time, or as soon after as
+possible.</p>
+
+<p>The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same
+envelope, generally conveyed on a square card, the same size as the
+sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it
+has been <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span>once folded across the middle. The following is one of the
+adopted forms:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-207a.png" width="300" height="150" alt="At Home" title="At Home" />
+<span class="caption">At Home</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary.</p>
+
+<p>The card of admission to the church is narrower, and is plainly engraved
+in large script, as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus-207b.png" width="350" height="101" alt="Card of Admission to the Church" title="Card of Admission to the Church" />
+<span class="caption">Card of Admission to the Church</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the
+reception.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF THOSE INVITED.</b></div>
+
+<p>People who receive "At Home" wedding invitations, are expected to
+acknowledge them as soon as received, and never fail to accept, unless
+for some very good reason. Guests invited to the house, or to a marriage
+feast following the ceremony, should not feel at liberty to decline from
+any whim or caprice.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REQUIREMENTS OF THE BRIDEMAIDS AND USHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some
+unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating, thus showing
+their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to
+this honored position. If by reason of sudden affliction, some one of
+the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending, a substitute
+should, if possible, be provided immediately. The reasons for this,
+however, should be well understood, that no opportunity may be given for
+uncharitable comments.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BRIDAL PRESENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When bridal presents are given, they are sent to the bride previous to
+the day of the marriage ceremony. As the universal bridal present has
+fallen into disuse, this custom is not now considered obligatory, and if
+immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents, it should be
+spontaneous, and in no sense considered obligatory. These presents are
+not put on exhibition as formerly, but are acknowledged by the bride in
+a private note to the donor. It is not now considered in good form to
+talk about these contributions.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE CEREMONIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>In weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided, who is
+expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened. He
+arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door
+to the pavement, and if the weather be inclement, he sees <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>that an
+awning is also spread. He also sees that a white ribbon is stretched
+across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to
+afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews
+of the main aisle. Sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle,
+so as to divide those who come in wedding garments, from those who do
+not. The organist should be early at his post, and is expected to play
+during the arrival of guests. The order of the religious part of the
+marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE WEDDING FEES.</b></div>
+
+<p>There is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony. It is
+regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom, but
+no less amount than five dollars should be given under any
+circumstances.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CONGRATULATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>At wedding receptions, friends who congratulate the newly married couple
+should address the bride first, if they have any previous acquaintance
+with her, then the bridegroom, then the bridemaids, and after that the
+parents and family of the bride and groom. They should give their good
+wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom. If they are
+acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride, let them address
+him first and he will introduce them to his bride.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BRIDAL TOUR.</b></div>
+
+<p>The honeymoon of repose, exempt from all claims of society, is now
+prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion, and the same
+arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour. It is no longer
+<i>de rigueur</i> to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling,
+when a newly married couple depart upon a tour.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-210.png" width="400" height="336" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Home Life and Etiquette.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/h.png" width="118" height="300" alt="H" title="H" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>OME</b></big> is the woman's kingdom, and there she reigns supreme. To embellish
+that home, to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones
+committed to her trust, is the honored task which it is the wife's
+province to perform. All praise be to her who so rules and governs in
+that kingdom, that those reared beneath her roof "shall rise up and call
+her blessed."<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A HOME.</b></div>
+
+<p>After marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home.
+This can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel, and not
+always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife. It will
+oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate
+association of relatives or friends, acquaintances or strangers, and
+here husband and wife may begin in reality, that new life of which they
+have had fond dreams; and upon their own actions must depend their
+future welfare.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-212.png" width="400" height="248" alt="Home" title="Home" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOME COMPANIONSHIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>Husband and wife should remember, when starting out upon their newly
+wedded life, that they are to be life companions, that the affection
+they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long
+devotion to one another's welfare and happiness, that the closest
+friendship must be begotten from their early love, and that each must
+live and work for the other. They must seek to be congenial companions
+to each other, so that every hour they pass together will be mutually
+enjoyable. They should aim to have the same tastes so that what one
+enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other, and what is distasteful to
+one shall be no less so to the other. Each should yield in matters where
+it is right to yield, and be firm only where duty is concerned. With a
+firm trust in one another they should <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>ever abide, that each may say to
+the world, "I possess one on whose character and heart I can lean as
+upon a rock."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONDUCT OF HUSBAND AND WIFE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Let neither ever deceive the other, or do anything to shake the other's
+confidence, for once deceived, the heart can never wholly trust again.
+Fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism, and then
+with loving words and pleasant looks. Make allowances for one another's
+weaknesses, and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them. For
+the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and
+give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness, and in doing so
+they will prepare themselves for the work God gives the parents of
+training lives for usefulness here and hereafter. Their motto should be
+"faithful unto death in all things," and they must exercise forbearance
+with each other's peculiarities.</p>
+
+<p>Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may
+utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers,
+that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one
+another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if
+either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that
+no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.</p>
+
+<p>If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life,
+they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated,
+then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better
+or for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for
+having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long
+companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience,
+however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses
+which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as
+plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as
+the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DUTIES OF THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.</b></div>
+
+<p>The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves
+the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband
+feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand
+she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best
+calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love,
+plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of
+fortune can change or diminish it.</p>
+
+<p>She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits
+of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and
+strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover
+and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and
+tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she
+appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as
+kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should
+bear in mind that to retain the good opinion <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span>of her husband is worth
+far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of
+society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her
+husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.</p>
+
+<p>She should be careful not to confide to another any small
+misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should
+any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony
+that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such
+misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives
+from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations
+will be speedily resumed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE WIFE A HELPMATE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters,
+keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding
+against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at
+work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be
+economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that
+he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more
+heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the
+luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife
+possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can
+counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult
+the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to
+high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and tem<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span>poral comfort; be ever
+ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts
+from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and
+happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very
+great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all
+things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if,
+perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent
+temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own
+part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself
+as to calm his perturbed spirits.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A HUSBAND'S DUTIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make
+married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts
+by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to
+be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new
+home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole
+current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his
+wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself,
+even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his
+affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship,
+such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments
+should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their
+intellectual, moral and social advancement.</p>
+
+<p>The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span>the attentions
+due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of
+the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving
+her husband important advice about various details of his business, and
+if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to
+govern her expenditures accordingly.</p>
+
+<p>It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to
+instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their
+discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In
+household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never
+interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his
+duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social
+gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both
+mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social
+gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening
+entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to
+attend, neither is it fit for him.</p>
+
+<p>While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her
+faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all
+places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and
+give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any
+disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time,
+and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of
+having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any
+disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing
+them. He <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span>should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the
+welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the
+happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and
+charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.</p>
+
+<p>The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect
+gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above
+all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so
+endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the
+many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife
+cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are
+nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and
+wife, parents and children.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-218.png" width="300" height="143" alt="Cherub" title="Cherub" />
+<span class="caption">Cherub</span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+<h3>Home Training.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 122px;">
+<img src="images/o.png" width="122" height="300" alt="O" title="O" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>UR</b></big> earliest and best recollections are associated with home. There the
+first lessons of infancy are learned. The mother's heart is the child's
+first school-room. The parents' examples are first imitated by the
+child, whose earliest impressions are gained from them. In no way are
+evil habits more effectually propagated than by example, and therefore
+parents should be what they wish their children to be.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>To the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her
+children those seeds of love, which, nurtured and fostered, will bear
+the fruit of earnest and useful lives. It is she who must fit them to
+meet the duties and emergencies of life, and in this work of training
+she keeps her heart fresh and young, and thereby insures the growth of
+those powers with which nature has endowed her.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>As the faculties of man, woman or child are brought into active
+exercise, so do they become strengthened, and the mother, in doing her
+work in the training of her children, grows in wisdom, in knowledge and
+in power, thus enabling her the better to perform her duties.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PARENTS SHOULD SET GOOD EXAMPLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>As children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of
+their parents, the latter should be circumspect in all their actions,
+manners and modes of speech. If you wish your children's faces illumined
+with good humor, contentment and satisfaction, so that they will be
+cheerful, joyous and happy, day by day, then must your own countenance
+appear illumined by the sunshine of love. Kind words, kind deeds and
+loving looks are true works of charity, and they are needed in our home
+circle.</p>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Never a tear bedims the eye">
+<tr><td align='left'>Never a tear bedims the eye,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">That time and patience can not dry;</span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Never a lip is curved with pain,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">That can not be kissed into smiles again.</span></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<p>Your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal
+lightly with the reputation of another&mdash;if they hear you slander or
+revile your neighbor. If you wish your child to show charity toward the
+erring, you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue
+yourself. Without this your teaching will be of but little avail. If you
+take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others, if you refuse to
+cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>your example
+will nullify your teaching, and your admonitions will be lost.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>COURTESIES IN THE HOME CIRCLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies
+of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and
+strangers. This is the only way in which you can secure to them the
+daily enjoyment of a happy home. When the external forms of courtesy are
+disregarded in the family circle, we are sure to find contention and
+bickering perpetually recurring. Rudeness is a constant source of
+bickering. Each will have his own way of being rude, and each will be
+angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest, thus
+provoking accusations and retorts. Where the rule of life is to do good
+and to make others happy, there will be found the art of securing a
+happy home. It is said that there is something higher in politeness than
+Christian moralists have recognized. In its best forms, none but the
+truly religious man can show it, for it is the sacrifice of self in the
+habitual matters of life&mdash;always the best test of our
+principles&mdash;together with a respect for man as our brother, under the
+same great destiny.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EARLY MORAL TRAINING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in
+giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to
+meet the duties and the struggles of life, and not by the variety of
+knowledge acquired. The development of the powers of the mind and its
+cul<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span>tivation are the work of a teacher; moral training is the work of
+the mother, and commences long before one word of precept can be
+understood. Children should be early taught to regard the rights of
+others, that they may early learn the rights which property confers and
+not entertain confused ideas upon this subject.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORMATION OF HABITS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Virtue is the child of good habits, and the formation of habits may be
+said to almost constitute the whole work of education. The mother can
+create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain
+that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions, and
+power to fight temptation, and which makes obedience to principle
+comparatively easy, under most circumstances. The social and domestic
+life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature. It is
+not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or
+society consists, but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for
+the rights and feelings of those around us. Whatever may be the precepts
+for a home, the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits.
+Parents who indulge in gossip, scandal, slander and tale-telling, will
+rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits. A
+parent's example outlines the child's character. It sinks down deep into
+his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil. A parent
+should carefully avoid speaking evil of others, and should never exhibit
+faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover. A parent's <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>example
+should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking, of tattling
+and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others. Let the
+mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she
+will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire
+the habit of bridling the tongue, but they will learn to avoid the
+presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>POLITENESS AT HOME.</b></div>
+
+<p>Genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love, and those who
+are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when
+abroad. When parents receive any little attention from their children,
+they should thank them for it. They should ask a favor only in a
+courteous way; never reply to questions in monosyllables, or indulge in
+the rudeness of paying no attention to a question, for such an example
+will be surely followed by the children. Parents sometimes thoughtlessly
+allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle,
+which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO REPROVE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children,
+nor humiliate them before others. This will not only cause suffering to
+little sensitive hearts, but will tend to harden them. Reproof, if
+needed, should be administered to each child singly and alone.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHEERFULNESS AT THE TABLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the
+table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and
+invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with
+it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the
+table, nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious
+difference. Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct,
+interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps
+should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table,
+nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and
+gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and
+agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the
+table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything,
+and no unkind word should be spoken. If remarks are to be made of absent
+ones, they should be of a kind and charitable nature. Thus will the
+family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when
+the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps,
+have been laid in their final resting-place.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAIN CHILDREN FOR SOME OCCUPATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Chancellor Kent says: "Without some preparation made in youth for the
+sequel of life, children of all conditions would probably become idle
+and vicious when they grow up, from want of good instruction and habits,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span>and the means of subsistence, or from want of rational and useful
+occupations. A parent who sends his son into the world without educating
+him in some art, science, profession or business, does great injury to
+mankind, as well as to his son and his own family, for he defrauds the
+community of a useful citizen, and bequeaths to it a nuisance. That
+parent who trains his child for some special occupation, who inspires
+him with a feeling of genuine self-respect, has contributed a useful
+citizen to society."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BAD TEMPER.</b></div>
+
+<p>Dread an insubordinate temper, and deal with it as one of the greatest
+evils. Let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion
+for the rest of the family when he is in anger. Allow no one to speak to
+him at such times, not even to answer a question. Take from him books,
+and whatever he may have, and place him where he shall feel that the
+indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment, and he
+will soon learn to control himself.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SELFISHNESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Selfishness that binds the miser in his chains, that chills the heart,
+must never be allowed a place in the family circle. Teach the child to
+share his gifts and pleasures with others, to be obliging, kind and
+benevolent, and the influence of such instruction may come back into
+your own bosom, to bless your latest hours.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOME MAXIMS FOR TRAINING CHILDREN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Remember that children are men and women in miniature, and though they
+should be allowed to act as children, still our dealings with them
+should be manly and not morose. Remember also that every word, tone and
+gesture, nay, even your dress, makes an impression.</p>
+
+<p>Never correct a child on suspicion, or without understanding the whole
+matter, nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline.</p>
+
+<p>Be always mild and cheerful in their presence, communicative, but never
+extravagant, trifling or vulgar in language or gesture. Never trifle
+with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong.</p>
+
+<p>Always follow commands with a close and careful watch, until the thing
+is done, allowing no evasion and no modification, unless the child ask
+for it, and it be expressly granted.</p>
+
+<p>Never reprove children severely in company, nor hold them up to
+ridicule, nor make light of their failings.</p>
+
+<p>Never speak in an impatient, pitiful manner, if you have occasion to
+find fault.</p>
+
+<p>Never say to a child, "I don't believe what you say," nor even imply
+your doubts. If you have such feelings, keep them to yourself and wait;
+the truth will eventually be made plain.</p>
+
+<p>Never disappoint the confidence a child places in you, whether it be a
+thing placed in your care or a promise.</p>
+
+<p>Always give prompt attention to a child when he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>speaks, so as to
+prevent repeated calls, and that he may learn to give prompt attention
+when you call him.</p>
+
+<p>Never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger, or talk
+to him of God, as it will not have the desired effect. Do it under more
+favorable circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>At the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming
+manner, not to tease when denied, nor to leave his chair without asking.
+A parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should
+be made.</p>
+
+<p>Even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence.</p>
+
+<p>There should never be two sets of manners, the one for home and the
+other for company, but a gentle behavior should be always required.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-229.png" width="400" height="548" alt="Music" title="Music" />
+</div><div class="center">"A protection against vice,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">An incentive to virtue."</span>
+</div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XX.</h2>
+
+<h3>Home Culture.</h3>
+
+
+<p>The work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to
+every one, for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes, as well
+as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven. The
+sufferings endured here, friend for friend, parents for children,
+unrequited sacrifices, cares and tears, all tend to discipline us, and
+prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CULTIVATE MORAL COURAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that
+you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and
+true, without being influenced by the views of others; thus showing them
+that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty. Perhaps this
+may be difficult to do, but every mother can at least show her
+appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others, and
+in this way incite its growth in the souls of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>her children. Moral
+courage is a rare endowment, and those who possess it are able to act
+with perfect independence of the opinions of others, and govern
+themselves only by the laws of propriety, uprightness and charity.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PERNICIOUS INFLUENCE OF INDOLENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of
+indolence and all its corrupting tendencies, you must be earnest in
+purpose, active, energetic and fervent in spirit. Earnestness sharpens
+the faculties; indolence corrodes and dulls them. By the former we rise
+higher and higher, by the latter we sink lower and lower. Indolence
+begets discontent, envy and jealousy, while labor elevates the mind and
+character. Cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep
+their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage,
+and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness, if you would secure
+their future well-being.</p>
+
+<p>It has been said that he who performs no useful act in society, who
+makes no human being happier, is leading a life of utter selfishness&mdash;a
+life of sin&mdash;for a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is
+nowhere room for idleness. Work is both a duty and a necessity of our
+nature, and a befitting reward will ever follow it. To foster and
+encourage labor in some useful form, is a duty which parents should urge
+upon their children, if they should seek their best good.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SELF-RESPECT.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from
+the many pit-falls which surround them, such as malice, envy, conceit,
+avariciousness, and other evils, by being clad in the armor of
+self-respect; and then they will be able to encounter temptation and
+corruption, unstained and unpolluted. This feeling of self-respect is
+something stronger than self-reliance, higher than pride. It is an
+energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good, watching
+with a never-ceasing vigilance. It is the sense of duty and the sense of
+honor combined. It is an armor, which, though powerless to shield from
+sorrows that purify and invigorate, yet will avert all hostile
+influences that assail, from whatever source they come. The mother
+having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they
+carry with them such an angel to shield, warn and rescue them, may let
+them go out into the world, and fear nothing from the wiles and
+temptations which may beset them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RESULTS OF GOOD-BREEDING IN THE HOME CIRCLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than
+in the home circle. Here, tempered with love, and nurtured by all kindly
+impulses, they bear the choicest fruit. A true lady will show as much
+courtesy, and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward
+every member of her family as toward <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span>her most distinguished guest. A
+true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his
+intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example.
+Children influenced by such examples at home, will never fail to show to
+their elders the respect due them, to their young companions the same
+consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in
+return, nor to servants that patience which even the best too often
+require. In such a home peace and good will are the household gods.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FAULT-FINDING AND GRUMBLING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run
+smoothly. The habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some,
+is an exceedingly vexatious one, and will, in time, ruffle the calmest
+spirit and the sweetest temper. It is the little annoyances,
+perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden; the
+little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that
+perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore. Constant fault-finding,
+persistent misrepresentations of motives, suspicions of evil where no
+evil was intended, will complete the work in all but the finest and most
+heroic natures. They alone can stand the fiery test, coming out purer
+and stronger for the ordeal. Children who habitually obey the
+commandment, "Be kind to one another," will find in mature life, how
+strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the
+household together.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FAMILY JARS NOT TO BE MADE PUBLIC.</b></div>
+
+<p>Whatever may be the family disagreements, they should never be made
+known outside of the home circle, if it can be avoided. Those who expose
+the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the
+world, and no provocation can be a good excuse for it. It is exceedingly
+vulgar, not to say unchristianlike, for the members of the same family
+to be at enmity with one another.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>YIELDING TO ONE ANOTHER.</b></div>
+
+<p>One of the greatest disciplines of human life, is that which teaches us
+to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so, even in
+trifling, every-day affairs; the wife to the husband, children to
+parents, to teachers and to one another. In cases where principle is
+concerned, it is, of course, necessary to be firm, which requires an
+exercise of moral courage.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONFLICTING INTERESTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties. The
+command of Christ to the two brothers who came to Him with their
+disputes, "Beware of covetousness," is as applicable among members of
+the same family now, as it was when those words were spoken. It is
+better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is
+near and dear to you, and connected by family ties. In business
+relations <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span>men are apt to be very exact, because of their habits of
+business, and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and
+relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives. Upon this rock many a
+bark of family love has been wrecked.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RELIGIOUS EDUCATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is well to remember that every blessing of our lives, every joy of
+our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway, have had their
+origin in religion, and may be traced in all their hallowed, healthful
+influences to the Bible. With the dawn of childhood, then, in the
+earliest days of intelligence, should the mind be impressed and stored
+with religious truth, and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface
+it. It should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when
+it began to learn; it will then have the character of innate, inbred
+principles, incorporated with their very being.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OBEDIENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual,
+teach your children to obey. Government in a family is the great
+safeguard of religion and morals, the support of order and the source of
+prosperity. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a
+family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, and there
+is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INFLUENCE OF EXAMPLE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never forget that the first book children read is their parents'
+example&mdash;their daily deportment. If this is forgotten you may find, in
+the loss of your domestic peace, that while your children well know the
+right path, they follow the wrong.</p>
+
+<p>Childhood is like a mirror, catching and reflecting images all around
+it. Remember that an impious, profane or vulgar thought may operate upon
+the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished
+steel, staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface.</p>
+
+<p>Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity, which may
+never return. It is the seed time, and your harvest depends upon the
+seed then sown.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE INFLUENCE OF BOOKS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of
+books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children, and
+no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the
+important work of choosing the proper books for them to read, while they
+are under her care. She should select for them such as will both
+interest and instruct, and this should be done during the early years,
+before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad
+books and sensational novels. The poison imbibed from bad books works so
+secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the
+influence of bad <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>associates. The mother has it in her power to make
+such books the companions and friends of her children as her good
+judgment may select, and to impress upon them their truths, by
+conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual
+instructions they contain. A taste may be easily cultivated for books on
+natural science and for history, as well as for those that teach
+important and wholesome lessons for the young, such as are contained in
+the works of Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many other
+books written for the young.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 239px;">
+<img src="images/illus-237.png" width="239" height="300" alt="Harp" title="Harp" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Woman's Higher Education.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 116px;">
+<img src="images/i.png" width="116" height="300" alt="I" title="I" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>T</b></big> has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children, woman
+has a great work to perform; that in this work she exerts an
+incalculable influence upon untold numbers, and that she molds the minds
+and characters of her sons and daughters. How important, then, that she
+should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent, if for no
+other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this
+great duty of educating her children. How important it is, also, that
+she should look to the higher education of her daughters, who, in turn,
+will become mothers of future generations, or may, perhaps, by some
+vicissitude of fortune, become dependent upon their own resources for
+support. With the highest culture of the mental faculties, woman will be
+best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake.<br /><br /></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAIN YOUNG WOMEN TO SOME OCCUPATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded
+many women from their homes into business and public life, women must
+train for their branch of labor as men train for their work, if they
+wish to attain any degree of success. Even where women have independent
+fortunes, their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained
+to some occupation, that, in case of reverses, may be made a
+self-sustaining one. A young woman who is able to support herself,
+increases her chances for a happy marriage, for, not being obliged to
+rely upon a husband for support or for a home, she is able to judge
+calmly of an offer when it comes, and is free to accept or decline,
+because of her independence. Women are capable of and adapted to a large
+number of employments, which have hitherto been kept from them, and some
+of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex. In
+order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open
+to herself, she needs a special education and training to fit her for
+such employment.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EDUCATION OF GIRLS TOO SUPERFICIAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>The school instruction of our girls is too superficial. There is a
+smattering of too many branches, where two or three systematically
+studied and thoroughly mastered, would accomplish much more for them in
+the way of a sound mental training, which is the real object of
+education. The present method of educating young girls is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span>to give them
+from five to ten studies, in which they prepare lessons, and this, too,
+at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by
+excess of mental labor. Such a course of instruction, bestowing only a
+smattering of many branches, wastes the powers of the mind, and deters,
+rather than aids, self-improvement. It is only a concentration of the
+mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens
+the reflective, and forms the reasoning, faculties, and thus helps to
+lay a solid foundation for future usefulness. The word education means
+to educe, to draw out the powers of the mind; not the cramming into it
+of facts, dates and whole pages to be repeated <i>verbatim</i>.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AN EDUCATION APPROPRIATE TO EACH SEX.</b></div>
+
+<p>The fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education
+appropriate to each sex; that identical education for the two sexes is
+so unnatural, that physiology protests against it and experience weeps
+over it. The physiological motto in education is, "Educate a man for
+manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer,
+in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls, says:
+"It is an astonishing fact that, though on the treatment of offspring
+depend their lives or deaths, and their moral welfare or ruin, yet not
+one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those
+who will, by and by, be parents." It will thus be seen, that as women
+have the care, the training and the education of children, they need an
+education in a special direc<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>tion, and should have a very thorough one,
+to prepare them for the task.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WOMEN SHOULD HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAWS OF HEALTH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Physiology is one of the branches of that higher education, which should
+be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various
+duties of their allotted stations. Yet it is also desirable that they
+should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake,
+and a mastery of the studies pursued by them; for the want of
+thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all
+branches of labor. But woman should especially have a thorough knowledge
+of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If she becomes a mother, such
+knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her
+children. She will understand that when she sends out her child
+insufficiently clad, and he comes home chilled through, that his
+vitality, his power of resisting disease, is wasted. She will know that
+by taking the necessary precautions, she may save the child's life; that
+she must not take him thus chilled, to the fire or into a room highly
+heated, but that by gentle exercise or friction, she must restore the
+circulation of the blood, and in using such precautions, she may ward
+off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were
+neglected. This is but a single case, for there are instances of almost
+daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward
+off disease, in her own case, as well as in those of various <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span>members of
+her household. The diseases which carry off children, are for the most
+part, such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them,
+pet them, educate them, and who would, in many cases, lay down their
+lives for them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RESULT OF IGNORANCE OF SANITARY LAWS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms
+is the cause of a vast amount of disease. From ignorance of the signs of
+approaching disease, children are often punished for idleness,
+listlessness, sulkiness and wilfulness, and this punishment is too often
+by confinement in a closed room, and by an increase of tasks; when what
+is really needed is more oxygen, more open-air exercise, and less study.
+These forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and
+brain fevers. Knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the
+waste of health and strength in the young, and will also spare anxiety
+and misery to those who love and tend them. If the time devoted to the
+many trashy so-called "accomplishments" in a young lady's education,
+were given to a study of the laws of preserving health, how many
+precious lives might be spared to loving parents, and how many frail and
+delicate forms, resulting from inattention to physical training, might
+have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls. We are all in
+duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature, on which the welfare
+of our bodies depends, for the full enjoyment of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span>our faculties can only
+be attained when the body is in perfect health.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>IDLENESS A SOURCE OF MISERY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is
+idleness. The want of something to do is what makes people wicked and
+miserable. It breeds selfishness, mischief-making, envy, jealousy and
+vice, in all its most dreadful forms. It is the duty of mothers to see
+that their daughters are trained to habits of industry, that their minds
+are at all times occupied, that they are well informed as to household
+duties, and to the duties of married life, for upon a knowledge of
+household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery. It is
+frequently the case, that a girl's education ends just as her mind is
+beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop. Her
+education ends when it ought properly to begin. She enters upon marriage
+entirely unprepared, and, perchance, by some misfortune, she is thrown
+penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood, for
+her education has never fitted her for any vocation. Not having been
+properly taught herself, she is not able to teach, and she finds no
+avenue of employment open to her. An English clergyman, writing upon
+this subject, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them
+take up some congenial study, let it be a branch of science or history.
+Let them write. They can do almost anything they try to do, but let
+their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters'
+lives one <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip, whether it be
+work at the easel, music, literature, the structure of the human body
+and the laws of health, any solid interest that will occupy their
+thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, frivolity and ignorance can only be
+put down by education and employment. In the last resort, the spirit of
+evil becomes teacher and task-master."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WOMEN SHOULD CULTIVATE A SPIRIT OF INDEPENDENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>In this country more than any other, women should, to some extent,
+cultivate a spirit of independence. They should acquire a knowledge of
+how business is transacted, of the relation between capital and labor,
+and of the value of labor, skilled and unskilled. As housekeepers, they
+would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes. If they chance to
+be left alone, widows, or orphans possessing means, they would be saved
+from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact
+their own business. And those women who are obliged to take care of
+themselves, who have no means, how necessary is it that they should have
+a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can
+maintain themselves and others dependent upon them. In this country, the
+daughter brought up in affluence, may, by some rapid change of fortune,
+be obliged, upon arriving at maturity, to be among the applicants for
+whatever employment she may be fitted. If she has been trained to some
+useful occupation, or if her faculties have been developed by a
+thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span>she will be
+better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be
+open to her. With a mind drilled by constant study she will the more
+quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or
+business to which she may devote herself.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HEALTH AND LIFE DEPENDENT UPON A HIGHER CULTURE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Not only wealth and comfort, but health and life are dependent upon a
+higher form of culture, a more thorough course of education than is now
+the standard. Not more, but fewer branches of study and a more thorough
+comprehension of those pursued. Not only are the health and life of each
+woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives,
+but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it. In
+proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject
+will she be able to work at it easily, rapidly and successfully.
+Knowledge of physical laws saves health and life, knowledge of the laws
+of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain, knowledge of the laws of
+political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CULTIVATION OF THE MORAL SENSE.</b></div>
+
+<p>A well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well
+regulated character, which will preserve from excess those tenderer
+emotions and deeper passions of woman, which are potent in her for evil
+or for good, in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span>run
+wild, or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious
+self-restraint.</p>
+
+<p>The girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect, her tastes,
+her emotions and her moral sense, as to be able to discern the true from
+the false, will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work
+in life is allotted to her; while she who is allowed to grow up
+ignorant, idle, vain, frivolous, will find herself fitted for no state
+of existence, and, in after years, with feelings of remorse and despair
+over a wasted life, may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was
+reposed her early education.</p>
+
+<p>It is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of
+their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which
+they live, for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern, and
+govern immortal souls, and for the sake of those other homes in the
+humbler walks of life, where they owe duties as ministering spirits as
+well as in their own, for in proportion as they minister to the comfort
+and health of others, so do they exalt their own souls. Women should
+seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves, and
+that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called
+upon to perform. In social life we find that the truest wives, the most
+patient and careful mothers, the most exemplary housekeepers, the model
+sisters, the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social
+influence are women of cultivated minds.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXII.</h2>
+
+<h3>The Art of Letter Writing.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 120px;">
+<img src="images/a.png" width="120" height="300" alt="A" title="A" />
+</div>
+
+<div><br /><br /><big> <b>FRENCH</b></big>  writer says, that the writing a note or letter, the wording of
+a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the
+manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray
+to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding.<br /></div>
+
+<p>A person who has self-respect as well as respect for others, should
+never carelessly write a letter or note.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REQUIREMENTS FOR CORRECT WRITING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The letter or note should be free from all flourishes. The rules of
+punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible, and no capital
+letters used where they are not required. Ink-blots, erasures, and
+stains on the paper are inadmissible. Any abbreviations of name, rank or
+title are considered rude, beyond those sanctioned by custom. No
+abbreviations of words should be indulged in, nor underlining of words
+intended to be made emphatic. All amounts of money or other <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span>numbers
+should be written, reserving the use of numerical figures for dates
+only. It is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the
+top of the sheet, especially for all business letters. For letters of
+friendship and notes, pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste
+than tinted or colored, and the paper should be of a superior quality.
+When a page is once written from left to right side, it should not be
+written over again from top to bottom.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ANONYMOUS LETTERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>No attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters. The writers of
+such stamp themselves as cowardly, and cowards do not hesitate to say or
+write what is not true when it suits their purpose. All statements made
+in such letters should be regarded as false, and the writers as actuated
+by some bad motives. Anonymous letters should be burned at once, for
+they are not to be noticed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS AND NOTES.</b></div>
+
+<p>The writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes
+of invitation, and such notes are never signed.</p>
+
+<p>When a letter is upon business, commencing "Sir" or "Dear Sir," the name
+of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the
+close of the letter, in the left hand corner. In letters commencing with
+the name of the person to whom you are writing, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span>as, "My Dear Mrs.
+Brown," the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner.</p>
+
+<p>No notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page, but
+nearer the top than the middle of the sheet.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MANNER OF ADDRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In addressing a clergyman, it is customary to commence "Reverend Sir,"
+or "Dear Sir." It is not now customary to write "B.A." or "M.A." after
+his name.</p>
+
+<p>Doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished: "To the Rev.
+John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor
+Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."</p>
+
+<p>The President of the United States and Governors of States, are
+addressed "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress and men
+distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable
+nature, are addressed as "Honorable."</p>
+
+<p>The superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as
+legibly as possible, beginning a little to the left of the center of the
+envelope. The number of the house and name of the street may be written
+immediately under this line, or in the lower left hand corner, as the
+writer sees fit. The postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper
+right hand corner of the envelope. The following forms will show the
+appearance of a properly addressed envelope:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-250a.png" width="400" height="235" alt="Envelope 1" title="Envelope 1" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-250b.png" width="400" height="236" alt="Envelope 2" title="Envelope 2" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-251a.png" width="400" height="234" alt="Envelope 3" title="Envelope 3" />
+</div>
+
+<p>In sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the
+manner in which the envelope should be addressed:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-251b.png" width="400" height="228" alt="Envelope 4" title="Envelope 4" />
+</div>
+
+<p>In sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance, and not through the
+mail, acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope. The
+letter should not be sealed. The following is the proper form:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-252a.png" width="400" height="234" alt="Envelope 5" title="Envelope 5" />
+</div>
+
+<p>A note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place, by a
+messenger, may be addressed as follows, or bear the full address:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-252b.png" width="400" height="238" alt="Envelope 6" title="Envelope 6" />
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORM OF A LETTER.</b></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-253.png" width="300" height="400" alt="Form of a Letter" title="Form of a Letter" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DEGREES OF FORMALITY OBSERVED.</b></div>
+
+<p>In commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of
+opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed, but generally this
+scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship.
+"Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My
+Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown"
+or "My Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Friend." In closing a note, the degrees
+are implied as follows: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly
+Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours,"
+"Affectionately Yours." The proper words should be carefully selected,
+as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person
+reading it. To aged persons the form, "With great respect, sincerely
+yours," recommends itself as a proper form. "Yours, etc.," is considered
+a rude ending. If you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to
+address her "My Dear Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;," do not sign "Yours Truly," or "Truly
+Yours," as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in
+business letters.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SIGNATURE OF LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A married lady should not sign herself with the "Mrs." before her
+baptismal name, or a single lady with the "Miss." In writing to
+strangers who do not know whether to address you as Mrs. or Miss, the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span>address should be given in full, after signing your letter; as "Mrs.
+John Smith," followed by the direction; or if unmarried, the "Miss"
+should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature.</p>
+
+<p>Only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their
+baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are addressed with their
+husbands' names, as "Mrs. John Smith."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded. Give in
+full the name of the person introduced, the city or town he is from,
+intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will
+confer, adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced, as
+circumstances seem to require. Modest persons sometimes shrink from
+delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be
+undeservedly complimentary. Letters of introduction are left unsealed,
+to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced. They should receive
+immediate attention by the parties who receive them. When a gentleman
+delivers such a letter to a lady, he is at liberty to call upon her,
+sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then, or
+appoint another hour that will be more convenient. The same rule is to
+be observed by those whose stay in the city is short. He may also send
+it to her with his card bearing his address.</p>
+
+<p>A letter of introduction should not be given, unless <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span>the person writing
+it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces, and the one
+to whom he writes. If the person who receives such a letter is really
+well-bred, you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours, for a
+letter of introduction is said to be like a draft, it must be cashed at
+sight. The one receiving it either invites you to dine, or to meet
+others, or to a drive, or to visit some place of amusement. Too great
+caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands
+upon an acquaintance.</p>
+
+<p>When the letter of introduction is left with a card, if there is a
+gentleman in the family, he may call upon the stranger the next day,
+unless some engagement prevents, when he should send his card with an
+invitation. If the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, she may
+write a note of invitation in answer, appointing a time for him to call.</p>
+
+<p>The following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 185px;">
+<img src="images/illus-256.png" width="185" height="200" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 274px;">
+<img src="images/illus-257.png" width="274" height="400" alt="Letter of Introduction" title="Letter of Introduction" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The envelope containing a letter of introduction, should be addressed as
+follows:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-258.png" width="400" height="214" alt="Envelope Containing Letter of Introduction" title="Envelope Containing Letter of Introduction" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>NOTES OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief, and the letter
+should only be sent by near and intimate friends. Do not allude to any
+subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations
+or sympathy. Such notes should be made expressive of real feeling, and
+not be mere matters of form.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO A RECEPTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style
+is like the following, and do not require an answer unless "R.S.V.P." is
+upon one corner.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-259.png" width="400" height="217" alt="Invitation to a Reception" title="Invitation to a Reception" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO A BALL.</b></div>
+
+<p>The "At Home" form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a
+ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, though many people use the
+"At Home" form only for receptions. For balls the hours are not limited
+as at receptions. When the above form is not used for a ball, the
+invitation may read as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mrs. Blair requests the pleasure of Miss Milton's
+company at a ball, on Tuesday, February 7, at 9
+o'clock." </p></div>
+
+<p>Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the
+house, and require an answer, which should not be delayed. If the
+invitation is accepted, the answer should be as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Miss Milton accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blair's
+kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7." </p></div>
+
+<p>If it is found impossible to attend, a note of regrets, something like
+the following, should be sent:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Miss Milton regrets that intended absence from
+home (or whatever may be the preventing cause)
+prevents her accepting Mrs. Blair's kind
+invitation for February 7." </p></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO A LARGE PARTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the
+words "at a ball" are omitted, and the hour may be earlier. The notes of
+acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball. If the party is a
+small one, it should be indicated by inserting the words, "to a small
+evening party," so that there may be no misunderstanding. A large party
+calls for full evening dress, and it would be embarrassing for a lady or
+gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress, expecting to find a
+large party there in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and
+acquaintances plainly dressed. If there is any special feature which is
+to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the
+note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in
+dramatic readings," "amateur theatricals," will denote the character of
+the evening's entertainment. If you have programmes, enclose one in the
+invitation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO A PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert, lecture,
+theatre, opera or other amusement, may read as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. Hayden would be pleased to have Miss Morton's
+company to the Academy of Music, on Monday
+evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be
+played by Edwin Booth's Company." </p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>An invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or
+regrets. A previous engagement may be a reason for rejection.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DINNER INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>These are written in the name of the husband and wife, and demand an
+immediate reply. This form may be used:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of
+Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner, on
+Tuesday, the 13th of January, at 7 o'clock." </p></div>
+
+<p>A note of acceptance may read as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen accept with pleasure
+Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine
+with them on Tuesday, the 13th inst., at 7
+o'clock." </p></div>
+
+<p>A note of regret may read:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen regret exceedingly that
+sickness in the family (or whatever the cause may
+be) prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene
+Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on
+Tuesday, January 13th." </p></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS TO TEA.</b></div>
+
+<p>An invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake
+more of the nature of a private note; thus:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming to drink
+tea with me on Thursday, and I should be glad of
+the pleasure of your company also. Please do not
+disappoint me." </p></div>
+
+<p>An invitation of this informal nature needs no reply, unless "R.S.V.P."
+is appended, in which case the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span>answer must be returned, if possible, by
+the messenger who brought it, or sent at once, as your friend may depend
+upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking, and if you
+cannot go, she will want to supply your place.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LESS FORMAL INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades, private
+theatricals, and for archery, croquet, sailing and garden parties; but,
+however informal the invitation (except only when a visiting card is
+used) on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it, by
+sending an acceptance or a regret, for any want of courtesy in this
+respect is unpardonable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROMPTNESS IN ANSWERING.</b></div>
+
+<p>All invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible
+after receiving them. The French have a saying, applicable to all notes
+of invitation, to the effect that it is as important to reply as
+promptly to a note requiring an answer, as it is to a question in
+speaking. All refined people who are accustomed to the best social
+forms, consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for
+a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply.</p>
+
+<p>In accepting dinner invitations, repeat the hour and day named in your
+letter of acceptance, in order that if any mistake has been made it may
+be corrected.</p>
+
+<p>Promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive, such as receiving
+presents of books, flowers, etc.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EXPRESSIONS TO BE USED.</b></div>
+
+<p>The expression "presents compliments" has become obsolete in the writing
+of invitations. The expression "kind" or "very kind" invitation has
+taken the place of "polite," in notes of acceptance or regret. Be
+particular to distinguish between "go" and "come," you go to a friend's
+house and your friend comes to your house.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TIME TO SEND INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature, can be
+sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take
+place. A notice of not less than one week is expected for such
+invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or
+large cards, with the envelopes to match, with no colors in the
+monogram, if one is used.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS FOR SEVERAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for
+several persons belonging to the same family, or to address an
+invitation "Mrs. Blank and family," as it indicates a scarcity of cards.
+One card or invitation may be sent to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and one each
+to the several members of the family who are to be invited.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE LEAST FORMAL INVITATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The least formal, of formal invitations, is when a lady sends or leaves
+her own visiting card with the invitation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span>upon it. An invitation of
+this kind need not be answered unless an "R.S.V.P." (<i>Respondez s'il
+vous plait</i>), is on the card. You go or not, as you please, but if you
+do not go, you call, or leave a card as soon after as is convenient.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>UNCIVIL ANSWERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Uncivil and curt, not to say rude, answers are sometimes returned to
+invitations, more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers
+than of premeditated rudeness.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot
+accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday
+evening," </p></div>
+
+<p>is a rude form of regret.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown decline Mrs. Moses
+Smith's invitation for Friday evening," </p></div>
+
+<p>is a still ruder form.</p>
+
+<p>A curt and thoughtless reply is:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown's compliments and regrets
+for Friday evening." </p></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REASONS FOR REGRETS.</b></div>
+
+<p>"All regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations, should
+contain a reason for regretting," is a rule strictly observed in our
+best society, and is considered especially binding in answering a first
+invitation. If persons are in mourning, they regret that a recent
+bereavement prevents them from accepting. Those contemplating being
+absent from home, regret that contemplated absence from home prevents
+them from accept<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span>ing. "A previous engagement" is made the excuse when
+there is an engagement either at home or away from it, and also when one
+has no inclination to accept; which makes it quite necessary for those
+who really regret their inability to accept, to mention what that
+engagement is.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FAMILY LETTER.</b></div>
+
+<p>It seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member
+of a family to another. It is often the case that letters sent from home
+to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory, if not to a great
+extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned.
+Consequently some hint as to what those letters should be, are here
+given. They should be written as though the writer were talking, using
+familiar expressions, and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in
+ordinary speech should find a place in the letter. The writer may speak
+of many trivial things at and about home, and gossipy matters in the
+neighborhood, and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts
+and occurrences, as well as the more important ones. The writer may make
+inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself, whether he finds
+any place better than home, and ask such other questions as he may
+desire, concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various
+members of the family. The absent one may, in like manner, express
+himself freely on all subjects, describe his journey minutely, and speak
+of whatever he may feel deep interest in. In short, a family letter may
+be as gossipy as the writer can make it, without <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span>much regard to an
+attempt at showy or dignified composition.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE LETTER OF FRIENDSHIP.</b></div>
+
+<p>This should be of a more dignified tone, contain less trivialities than
+the family letter, and should embrace matters that will be of interest
+to both. A letter of friendship should be answered in due time,
+according to the intimacy of the parties, but should not be delayed long
+enough to allow the friendship to cool, if there is a desire to keep it
+warm.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE LOVE LETTER.</b></div>
+
+<p>Of this it may be only said, that while it may be expressive of sincere
+esteem and affection, it should be of a dignified tone, and written in
+such a style, that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than
+the party to whom it was written, there may be found in it nothing of
+which the writer may be ashamed, either of silliness or of extravagant
+expression.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BUSINESS LETTERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>These should be brief and to the point, should be of plain chirography,
+and relate to the business in hand, in as few words and as clearly as
+possible. Begin at once without apology or explanation, and finish up
+the matter pertaining to the business. If an apology or explanation is
+due, it may be made briefly at the close of the letter, after the
+business has been attended to. A letter on business should be answered
+at once, or as soon as possible after receiving it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It is allowable, in some cases, upon receiving a brief business letter,
+to write the reply on the same page, beneath the original letter, and
+return both letter and answer together.</p>
+
+<p>Among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to
+business, applications for situations, testimonials regarding the
+character of a servant or employe, letters requesting the loan of money
+or an article, and letters granting or denying the favor; while all
+forms of drawing up notes, drafts and receipts may properly be included.
+The forms of some of these are here given.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS REQUESTING EMPLOYMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A letter of this kind should be short, and written with care and
+neatness, that the writer may both show his penmanship and his
+business-like qualities, which are often judged of by the form of his
+letter. It may be after this fashion:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+<div class='right'><span class="smcap">New York</span>, March 1, 1880.<br /></div>
+<br />
+<span class="smcap">Messrs. Lord &amp; Noble</span>,<br />
+<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 12em;">D</span><span class="smcap">ear Sirs</span>:<br />
+
+
+<p>Having heard that you are in need of more
+assistance in your establishment (or store,
+office) I venture to ask you for employment. I can
+refer you to Messrs. Jones &amp; Smith, my late
+employers, as to my qualifications, should you
+decide to consider my application.</p>
+
+
+<div class='right'><span style="margin-right: 6em;">Yours truly,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">James Roberts</span>.<br /></div>
+
+
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OF A SERVANT.</b></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Dear Madam</span>: Sarah Riley, having applied
+to me for the position of cook, refers me to you
+for a character. I feel particularly anxious to
+obtain a good servant for the coming winter, and
+shall therefore feel obliged by your making me
+acquainted with any particulars referring to her
+character, and remain, madam,</p>
+
+<div class='right'><span style="margin-right: 6em;">Your very obedient servant,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">Mrs. George Stone</span>.<br /></div>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Mrs. Alfred Stark</span>. </p></div>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot"><br /><br /><span class="smcap">Mrs. George Stone</span>,
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Dear Madam</span>: It gives me pleasure to say
+that Sarah Riley lived with me for two years, and
+during that time I found her active, diligent and
+efficient. She is a superior cook, and I have full
+confidence in her honesty. I feel that I can
+recommend her with full confidence of her being
+likely to give you satisfaction. I am, madam,</p>
+
+<div class='right'><span style="margin-right: 6em;">
+Your very obedient servant,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">Mrs. Alfred Stark</span>.<br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><br /><br /><span class="smcap">Mrs. George Stone</span>,
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Dear Madam</span>: In replying to your note of
+inquiry, I beg to inform you that Sarah Riley, who
+lived with me in the capacity of cook, left my
+services because I did not find her temper and
+habits in all respects satisfactory. She was
+thoroughly competent as a cook, but in other
+respects I cannot conscientiously recommend her. I
+remain,</p>
+
+<div class='right'><span style="margin-right: 6em;">
+Yours, very truly,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">Mrs. Alfred Stark</span>.<br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECEIPTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The following are forms of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><i>Promissory Note Without Interest.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$500  <div class='right'><span class="smcap">Cincinnati</span>, O., June 6, 1880.</div>
+
+
+<p>Sixty days after date, I promise to pay Samuel
+Archover, or order, at my office in Cincinnati,
+five hundred dollars, value received.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+<span class="smcap">Timothy Mortgrave</span>.<br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>Promissory Note With Interest but not Negotiable.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$125.30.                    <div class='right'><span class="smcap">Chicago</span>, Sept. 2, 1880.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>For value received, I promise to pay Daniel
+Cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and
+thirty cents, on August 12th next, with interest
+at seven per cent. after January 1, 1881.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+<span class="smcap">John S. Allbright.</span><br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>A Negotiable Note Payable to Bearer.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$75.                 <div class='right'><span class="smcap">Detroit, Mich.</span>, Oct. 8, 1881.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>Thirty days after date, for value received, I
+promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or bearer, at my
+office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars with
+interest from date.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+<span class="smcap">Samuel Q. Pettibone</span>.<br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>Form of a Receipt.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$25.                  <div class='right'><span class="smcap"> New York</span>, Nov. 3, 1880.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>Received from James O. Mitchell, twenty-five
+dollars, to apply on account.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+<span class="smcap">Smith, Jones &amp; Co.</span><br />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>Form of a Draft, Time from Sight.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$1,000.              <div class='right'><span class="smcap">Detroit, Mich.</span>, July 7, 1880.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>At ten days sight, pay to the order of J. Smith &amp;
+Co., one thousand dollars, and charge the same to
+the account of &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; <span class="smcap">Shepard &amp; Niles</span><br /></p>
+<p>
+<span class="smcap">To Samuel Stoker &amp; Co.</span>,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em;">Indianapolis, Ind.</span><br />
+</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>A Draft or Order "Without Grace."</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+$175.           <div class='right'><span class="smcap">Cincinnati, Ohio</span>, Aug. 12, 1880.<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson &amp;
+Co., one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and
+charge to the account of &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;  H.S. Morehouse.</p>
+<p>
+<span class="smcap">To Traders' National Bank</span>,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em;">Cincinnati, Ohio.</span><br />
+</p></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><i>Form of a Bill.</i></div>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+
+<div class='right'><span class="smcap">Buffalo</span>, N.Y., Dec. 6, 1880.</div>
+<span class="smcap">Martin Hughes</span>, Dr.<br />
+<div class='center'><span class="smcap">To John J. Hart.</span><br />
+</div>
+
+<p>Four volumes History of France, at $2.50 per
+volume, $10.00.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+Received payment.<br />
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-270.png" width="300" height="298" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>General Rules of Conduct.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 116px;">
+<img src="images/i.png" width="116" height="300" alt="I" title="I" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>N</b></big> society, everybody should receive equal attention, the young as well
+as the old. A high authority says, "If we wish our young people to grow
+up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in those graces
+by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of
+maturer years. If we snub them, and systematically neglect them, they
+will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner, which will be very
+difficult for them to overcome."<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GRACEFULNESS OF CARRIAGE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman. A
+gentleman should not only know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot
+and to swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully,
+and how to dance, if he would enjoy life to the utmost. A graceful
+carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master, as
+dancing and boxing are taught. A <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span>man should be able to defend himself
+from ruffians, if attacked, and also to defend women from their insults.
+Dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady, for the better
+the physical training, the more graceful and self-possessed she will be.
+Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in
+society or not. Swimming, skating, archery, games of lawn-tennis, and
+croquet, riding and driving, all aid in strengthening the muscles and
+giving open air exercise, and are therefore desirable recreations for
+the young of both sexes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ATTITUDE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity. Lolling, gesticulating,
+fidgeting, handling an eye-glass, a watch-chain or the like, gives an
+air of <i>gaucherie</i>. A lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her
+chair, who stretches out her feet, who has a habit of holding her chin,
+or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons; a man who lounges in
+his chair, nurses his leg, bites his nails, or caresses his foot crossed
+over on his knee, shows clearly a want of good home training. Each
+should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing
+position, the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady. He may
+sit cross-legged if he wishes, but should not sit with his knees far
+apart, nor with his foot on his knee. If an object is to be indicated,
+you must move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>COUGHING, SNEEZING, ETC.</b></div>
+
+<p>Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be
+done as quickly as possible. Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must
+never be done in society. A sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb
+or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose. If not checked, the
+face should be buried in the handkerchief, during the act of sneezing,
+for obvious reasons.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ANECDOTES, PUNS AND REPARTEES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation. Puns are always
+regarded as vulgar. Repartee should be indulged in with moderation, and
+never kept up, as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A SWEET AND PURE BREATH.</b></div>
+
+<p>The breath should be kept sweet and pure. Onions are the forbidden
+fruit, because of their offensiveness to the breath. No gentleman should
+go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SMOKING.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies,
+even though they have given permission, nor should a gentleman smoke in
+a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. In those homes when
+the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house, the sons
+will follow the father's example, and the air of the rooms becomes like
+that of a public house.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SUPPRESSION OF EMOTION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Suppression of undue emotion, whether of laughter, of anger, or of
+mortification, of disappointment, or of selfishness in any form, is a
+mark of good breeding.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A GOOD LISTENER.</b></div>
+
+<p>To be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker;
+but it is not enough only to listen, you must endeavor to seem
+interested in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the
+low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GIVE PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Give precedence to those older or of higher social position than
+yourself, unless they required you to take the precedence, when it is
+better to obey than to refuse. Be more careful to give others their rank
+of precedence than to take your own.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BE MODERATE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon,
+defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do
+not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are
+not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject and lead to
+some other topic. There is seldom any profit in idle discussion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SINGING AND PLAYING IN SOCIETY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play: but
+being requested to do so, if she intends to comply, she should do so at
+once, without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she should do so in a
+manner that shall make her decision final. Having complied, she should
+not monopolize the evening with her performances, but make room for
+others.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECEIVING AND MAKING PRESENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Emerson says: "Our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous, cold
+and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a
+portion of thyself. Therefore let the farmer give his corn; the miner
+his gem; the sailor coral or shells; the painter his picture, and the
+poet his poem." To persons of refined nature, whatever the friend
+creates takes added value as part of themselves&mdash;part of their lives, as
+it were, having gone into it. People of the highest rank, abroad, will
+often accept, with gratitude, a bit of embroidery done by a friend, a
+poem inscribed to them by an author; a painting executed by some artist;
+who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them.
+Mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present; it is the
+kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value. People who
+possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither
+affection nor respect, but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness
+of kind hearts.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>A present should be acknowledged without delay, but you must not follow
+it quickly by a return. It is to be taken for granted that a gift is
+intended to afford pleasure to the recipient, not to be regarded as a
+question of investment or exchange. Never allude to a present you have
+given, unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received
+by the person to whom it was sent.</p>
+
+<p>Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are
+neither related nor engaged to them, nor indebted to them for some
+marked favors. A married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who
+is indebted to her for hospitality.</p>
+
+<p>In presenting a book to a friend, do not write in it the name of the
+person to whom it is given. But this is a rule better honored in its
+breach than in its observance, when the giver of the book is its author.</p>
+
+<p>Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of
+both herself and her husband.</p>
+
+<p>Never refuse a present if offered in kindness, unless the circumstances
+are such that you cannot, with propriety, receive it. Nor, in receiving
+a present, make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend
+cannot afford to make the present. On the other hand, never make a
+present which you cannot afford to make. In that case the recipient, if
+he or she knows anything of your circumstances, will think that you had
+better kept it yourself.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GOVERNING OUR MOODS.</b></div>
+
+<p>We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look
+pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither
+should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of
+mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the
+confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if
+possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or
+expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome,
+may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in
+reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the
+time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her
+visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she
+remains.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk
+to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being
+great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on
+the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on
+the way.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AN INVITATION CANNOT BE RECALLED.</b></div>
+
+<p>An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best
+motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of
+being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of
+politeness. There <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span>is but one exception to this rule, and that is when
+the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>AVOID TALKING OF PERSONALITIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters,
+to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When
+induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not
+speak boastfully.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ABOUT PERSONS' NAMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate
+friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. &mdash;&mdash;,
+or Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;, or Miss &mdash;&mdash;. Never name anyone by the first letter of his
+name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of
+him.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHUN GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of
+malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these
+things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all
+temptation in that direction.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMOVING THE HAT.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of
+ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he
+enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retains
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span>his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TREATMENT OF INFERIORS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him
+feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him
+with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INTRUDING ON PRIVACY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect
+the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry
+into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It
+is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk;
+whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person
+should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing.
+You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never
+betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to
+secrecy.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or
+pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to
+keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and
+enter them there.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VALUE OF POLITENESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely
+necessary to gain you the esteem and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span>admiration of mankind, politeness
+and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and
+agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor,
+virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who
+neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others;
+but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility,
+affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they
+feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be
+with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better
+even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not
+degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and
+better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated.
+True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but
+absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of
+etiquette.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.</b></div>
+
+<p>Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a
+woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility,"
+says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember
+that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to
+every woman; and the greatest man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span>would justly be reckoned a brute if
+he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
+the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DO NOT CONTRADICT.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think
+you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which
+shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is
+unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable
+opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be
+attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the
+remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor
+the married parties.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A CONVERSATION CHECKED.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on
+hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking
+himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry
+out his first intentions.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VULGARITIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in
+the presence of others are given:</p>
+
+<p>To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.</p>
+
+<p>To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.</p>
+
+<p>To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything
+which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.</p>
+
+<p>To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of
+speech.</p>
+
+<p>To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion
+justifies.</p>
+
+<p>To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar
+in the extreme.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MISCELLANEOUS RULES.</b></div>
+
+<p>A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede
+gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say
+"my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except
+servants.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.</p>
+
+<p>Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual
+attention without delay.</p>
+
+<p>Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages
+you may possess.</p>
+
+<p>Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.</p>
+
+<p>Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of
+others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or
+pick your nose in company.</p>
+
+<p>Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or
+hostess by soiling the paper of her room.</p>
+
+<p>Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.</p>
+
+<p>Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by
+making them wait for you.</p>
+
+<p>Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little
+service she may seem to require.</p>
+
+<p>Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in
+public gatherings.</p>
+
+<p>Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get
+fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be
+apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.</p>
+
+<p>Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a
+poor compliment if you thus forget them.</p>
+
+<p>Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to
+make one, if one is due from you.</p>
+
+<p>Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at
+whatever inconvenience to yourself.</p>
+
+<p>Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you
+wish to see them on business.</p>
+
+<p>Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor
+make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before
+speaking to each of the persons assembled.</p>
+
+<p>Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.</p>
+
+<p>To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very
+impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.</p>
+
+<p>Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.</p>
+
+<p>Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a
+flippant one.</p>
+
+<p>Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day
+after you are done with it.</p>
+
+<p>Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass
+before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act
+is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.</p>
+
+<p>"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind
+his back," is a maxim to be remembered.</p>
+
+<p>Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch
+your temper; in society watch your tongue."</p>
+
+<p>Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a
+presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.</p>
+
+<p>Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best
+way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.</p>
+
+<p>In the presence of others, talk as little of yourself as possible, or of
+the business or profession in which you are engaged.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch, either at home or
+abroad. If at home, it appears as though you were tired of your company,
+and wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as though the hours
+dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be
+released.</p>
+
+<p>Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you
+visit. They are intended to be admired, not handled by visitors.</p>
+
+<p>Do not read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a
+book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety.</p>
+
+<p>Every species of affectation should be avoided, as it is always
+detected, and exceedingly disagreeable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has given to the public a
+collection of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, which he
+called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give
+these rules entire, as the reader may be interested in learning the
+principles which governed the conduct of the "Father of his Country."</p>
+
+<p>Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those
+present.</p>
+
+<p>In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor
+drum with your fingers or feet.</p>
+
+<p>Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not
+when others stop.</p>
+
+<p>Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span>jog not the table
+or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.</p>
+
+<p>Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played
+with.</p>
+
+<p>Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a
+necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or
+writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when
+another is writing a letter.</p>
+
+<p>Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.</p>
+
+<p>Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your
+enemy.</p>
+
+<p>They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but
+whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals
+in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.</p>
+
+<p>It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves,
+especially if they be above us.</p>
+
+<p>Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.</p>
+
+<p>In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not
+knowing therein.</p>
+
+<p>In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to
+his degree and the custom of the place.</p>
+
+<p>Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your
+judgment to others with modesty.</p>
+
+<p>Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it
+savors arrogancy.</p>
+
+<p>When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him
+that did it.</p>
+
+<p>Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in
+public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what
+terms to do it; and in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span>reproving show no signs of choler, but do it
+with sweetness and mildness.</p>
+
+<p>Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are
+sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain
+from laughing thereat yourself.</p>
+
+<p>Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more
+prevalent than precept.</p>
+
+<p>Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses or
+revilings.</p>
+
+<p>Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.</p>
+
+<p>In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather
+than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are
+civil and orderly with respect to time and place.</p>
+
+<p>Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well
+decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes
+handsomely.</p>
+
+<p>Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your
+reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.</p>
+
+<p>Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a
+tractable and commendable nature; and in all cases of passion admit
+reason to govern.</p>
+
+<p>Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.</p>
+
+<p>Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor
+very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things
+hard to be believed.</p>
+
+<p>Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not
+of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them,
+change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your
+intimate friends.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor
+at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem
+to be some cause.</p>
+
+<p>Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none,
+although they give occasion.</p>
+
+<p>Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear
+and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.</p>
+
+<p>Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.</p>
+
+<p>Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not.
+Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.</p>
+
+<p>If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and
+be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be of the major
+side.</p>
+
+<p>Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents,
+masters and superiors.</p>
+
+<p>Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came.
+What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.</p>
+
+<p>Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and
+that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters
+treat seriously.</p>
+
+<p>Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your
+words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly.</p>
+
+<p>When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the
+audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him
+without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech
+be ended.</p>
+
+<p>Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the
+company of others.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any
+brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.</p>
+
+<p>Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In
+discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always.
+A secret discover not.</p>
+
+<p>Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those
+who speak in private.</p>
+
+<p>Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your
+promise.</p>
+
+<p>When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion,
+however mean the person may be you do it to.</p>
+
+<p>When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.</p>
+
+<p>In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to
+each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major
+part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.</p>
+
+<p>Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often
+the same matter of discourse.</p>
+
+<p>Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.</p>
+
+<p>Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so
+show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be
+strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.</p>
+
+<p>Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due,
+or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should
+trouble the company.</p>
+
+<p>When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in
+reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.</p>
+
+<p>Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.</p>
+
+<p>Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire
+called conscience.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2>
+
+<h3>Anniversary Weddings.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> custom of celebrating anniversary weddings has, of late years, been
+largely practiced, and they have become a very pleasant means of social
+reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife. Often
+this is the only reason for celebrating them, and the occasion is
+sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party, of a more informal
+nature than could be given under other circumstances. The occasion
+becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose
+wedding anniversary is celebrated. It is an occasion for recalling the
+happy event which brought to each a new existence, and changed the
+current of their lives. It is an occasion for them to receive
+congratulations upon their past married life, and wishes for many
+additional years of wedded bliss.<br /></div>
+
+<p>Upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes
+worn by them on their wedding <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span>day, which they have preserved with
+punctilious care, and when many years have intervened the quaintness and
+oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of
+interest, and the occasion of pleasant comments. The couple receive
+their guests together, who upon entering the drawing-room, where they
+are receiving, extend to them their congratulations and wishes for
+continued prosperity and happiness. The various anniversaries are
+designated by special names, indicative of the presents suitable on each
+occasion, should guests deem it advisable to send presents. It may be
+here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to
+whether any presents are sent or taken. At the earlier anniversaries,
+much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and
+fantastic articles, gotten up for the occasion. When this is
+contemplated, care should be taken that they should not be such as are
+liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature.</p>
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the Paper Wedding,
+the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. The
+invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper, representing
+thin cardboard. Presents, if given should be solely articles made of
+paper.</p>
+
+<p>The invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine
+white cloth, and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>For the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather,
+tastily gotten up, and presents, of course, should be articles made of
+leather.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE WOODEN WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The
+invitations should be upon thin cards of wood, or they may be written on
+a sheet of wedding note paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the
+envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and
+may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use
+up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TIN WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. The
+invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a
+tin card inclosed. The guests, if they desire to accompany their
+congratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of
+articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations may be on
+thin, transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on
+ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make
+their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which may
+be more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CHINA WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the
+wedding-day. Invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine,
+semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or
+tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are
+appropriate on this occasion.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE SILVER WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary. The
+invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest
+note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both
+paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of
+the guests, they should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles, or
+more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the donors incline.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE GOLDEN WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the
+appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married
+happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this
+anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in
+gold, with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in
+highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are offered, are also in
+gold.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DIAMOND WEDDING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Rarely, indeed, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should be held on
+the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So seldom are these
+occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be
+observed in the invitations. They might be issued upon diamond-shaped
+cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no
+general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any
+number are beyond the means of most persons.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not, as before stated, required that an invitation to an
+anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by
+any. The donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family
+or intimate friends, and may act at their own discretion in the matter
+of giving presents.</p>
+
+<p>On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it is not amiss to have
+printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to
+enclose a card announcing&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their
+wording, according to the fancy of the writer, but they are all similar.
+They should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. They <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span>may
+or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the
+maiden name of the wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also
+be indicated.</p>
+
+<p>The following form will serve as a model:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-295.png" width="400" height="304" alt="Invitation to an Anniversary Party" title="Invitation to an Anniversary Party" />
+</div>
+
+<p>A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the
+other anniversary weddings.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these
+anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The
+earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to
+introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the
+exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to
+the occasion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXV.</h2>
+
+<h3>Births and Christenings.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 126px;">
+<img src="images/u.png" width="126" height="300" alt="U" title="U" />
+<span class="caption">U</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>PON</b></big> the announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the
+mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as
+she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all
+from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind
+inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do
+not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay
+their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother
+and child.</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>NAMING THE CHILD.</b></div>
+
+<p>It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall
+give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also
+concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of
+solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span>
+Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the
+first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the
+father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children
+after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they
+are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may
+be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name
+children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are
+objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he
+may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so
+cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a
+disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it
+may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the
+person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or
+satire.</p>
+
+<p>The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and
+it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred,
+Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are
+pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies,
+Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have
+taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CHRISTENING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are
+regulated according to the practices <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span>of the special church where the
+parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient
+only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such
+times.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GODPARENTS OR SPONSORS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, godparents
+or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one
+godmother. If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The persons
+selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and
+close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the
+child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather
+usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather
+and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as
+godparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are
+not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother, and
+allow her to designate the godfather. Young persons should not stand
+sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their
+superior position warrants them in so doing.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTS FROM GODFATHERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort&mdash;a silver
+mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a
+costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The
+godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the godmother the
+christening robe and cap.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its
+nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if
+she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their
+places the sponsors stand, the godfather on the right and the godmother
+on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the
+sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their
+heads without speaking.</p>
+
+<p>In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as
+possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for
+at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on
+the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a
+few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism
+is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the
+ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the
+clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is
+concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of
+cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the
+duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTS FROM GUESTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor
+they convene, by some trifling gift.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span> Gentlemen may present an article
+of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE HERO OF THE OCCASION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest
+importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large
+share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this
+duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on
+exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as
+soon as the ceremony is over.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FEES TO THE CLERGYMAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the
+parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating
+clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-020.png" width="300" height="75" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Funerals.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of
+relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way,
+the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the
+deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of
+ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of
+intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in
+part.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement
+of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such
+announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the
+funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In
+villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often
+issued.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a
+heavy black border, and in such form as the following:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-302.png" width="400" height="289" alt="Invitation to Funeral" title="Invitation to Funeral" />
+</div>
+
+<p>When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a
+distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death,
+time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive
+before the services.</p>
+
+<p>It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral,
+when one is sent.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral
+to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who
+can perform this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span>duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to
+perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to
+name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the
+family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be
+avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and
+inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as
+usher to seat the friends who attend.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove
+his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No
+calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the
+dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from
+receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.</p>
+
+<p>There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in
+the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house
+of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each
+other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped
+with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is
+married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or
+unmarried.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FUNERAL SERVICES.</b></div>
+
+<p>If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will
+receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near
+relatives should take a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span>final view of the corpse just before the
+arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until
+the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to
+reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are
+held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the
+family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the
+door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests
+arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before
+seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin
+lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of
+opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final
+look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who
+desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is
+taken to the church.</p>
+
+<p>If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the
+community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers
+who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then,
+perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PALL-BEARERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is
+a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the
+intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If
+they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span>equal numbers on
+either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages
+precede the hearse.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.</b></div>
+
+<p>The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the
+hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest
+relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When
+societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the
+hearse.</p>
+
+<p>The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and
+draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the
+mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered
+heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates
+as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from
+the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance
+of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand
+and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads,
+if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests
+return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FLORAL DECORATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in
+a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a
+married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should
+mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beauti<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span>ful floral
+devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which
+should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OTHER DECORATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a
+deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the
+national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the
+lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows'
+fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.</b></div>
+
+<p>About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family,
+and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not
+repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family,
+the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends.
+It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their
+calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most
+intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence,
+expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to
+comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.
+Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not
+attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words
+wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.</b></div>
+
+<p>No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house
+between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be
+commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc.
+It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement,
+however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of
+seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for
+seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in
+accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the
+exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the
+strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the
+will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know
+or dream.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-307.png" width="400" height="274" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Washington Etiquette.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/c.png" width="118" height="300" alt="C" title="C" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>ERTAIN</b></big> local rules have been recognized in society at Washington, from
+the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of
+certain offices which he holds, and the social status of woman is also
+determined by the official rank of her husband.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PRESIDENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in
+political life, so is he also by virtue of that office, awarded
+precedence in social life. There is no necessity of special formalities
+to form his acquaintance, and he receives calls without being under any
+obligation to return them. He may be addressed either as "Mr.
+President," or "Your Excellency." Sometimes he gives up the morning
+hours to receiving calls, and at such times precedence is given to such
+people as have business with him, over parties who go to make a formal
+call. In either case, the caller is shown to the room occupied by the
+President's secretaries, presents his card and waits his turn to be
+admitted. If the caller <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span>has no business, but goes out of curiosity, he
+pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others. It is better in
+making a private call, to secure the company of some official or some
+friend of the President to introduce you.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Stated receptions are given at the White House by the President during
+sessions of congress, and all are at liberty to attend them. Sometimes
+these are morning, and sometimes evening, receptions. Upon entering the
+reception room, the caller gives his name to the usher, who announces
+it, and upon approaching the President is introduced, by some official
+to whom the duty is assigned, both to the President and to the members
+of his family who receive with him. The callers pass on, after being
+introduced, mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms
+until ready to depart. If a caller wishes he may leave his card.</p>
+
+<p>The same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the
+President as at any formal dinner, precedence being given to guests
+according to official rank and dignity. An invitation by the President
+must be accepted, and it is admissible to break any other engagement
+already made; however, it is necessary to explain the cause, in order to
+avoid giving offense. It is not regarded as discourteous to break an
+engagement for this reason.</p>
+
+<p>The wife of the President is not under obligation to return calls,
+though she may visit those whom she <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span>wishes to favor with such
+attentions. Other members of the President's family may receive and
+return calls.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>NEW-YEAR'S RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.</b></div>
+
+<p>As the New-Year's receptions at the White House are the most ceremonious
+occasions of the executive mansion, it is the custom of the ladies who
+attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning
+reception. Members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of
+their respective countries on this occasion, in paying their respects to
+the President of the United States.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK.</b></div>
+
+<p>Next in rank to the President come the Chief Justice, the Vice-President
+and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive first
+visits from all others. The General of the army and the Admiral of the
+navy come next in the order of official rank. Members of the House of
+Representatives call first on all the officials named. The wife of any
+official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among
+officers of the army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds to the
+Vice-Admiral, the Major-General to Rear-Admiral, Brigadier-General to
+Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on through the lower
+grades.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE CABINET OFFICERS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The officers of the cabinet, comprising the Secretaries of State, the
+Treasury, the War, the Navy, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span> Postmaster-General, the Secretary of
+the Interior and Attorney-General, expect to receive calls, and as all
+the officers are of the same rank and dignity, it is only on occasions
+of State ceremonies that an order of preference is observed, which is as
+above given. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of their
+household, have onerous social duties to perform. They hold receptions
+every Wednesday during the season, which lasts from the first of January
+to Lent, when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with
+a call, and on these occasions refreshments are served. The ladies of
+the family are expected to return these calls, at which time they leave
+the card of the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening
+reception. The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators,
+Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of the
+diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as
+the ladies of their respective families. The visiting hours at the
+capital are usually from two until half-past five. The labor and fatigue
+which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet
+officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at
+her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of
+others, whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted, and to
+return in person calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the
+wife of a cabinet officer.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO ADDRESS THE OFFICIALS.</b></div>
+
+<p>When writing to the different officials, the President is addressed "His
+Excellency, the President of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span> United States;" the members of the
+cabinet "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," etc., giving each his
+proper title; the Vice-President, "The Honorable, the Vice-President of
+the United States." In a ceremonious note, words must not be
+abbreviated. In conversation the Speaker of the House of Representatives
+is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a member of the cabinet as "Mr.
+Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" a member of the House of
+Representatives as "Mister," unless he has some other title; but he is
+introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." The custom is
+becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the
+prefixed titles of their husbands, as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs.
+Senator Thurman," "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FIRST TO VISIT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents
+shall make the first call on strangers, and among the latter those
+arriving first upon those coming later. Foreign ministers, however, in
+order to make themselves known, call first upon the members of the
+cabinet, which is returned.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is entirely optional with Senators, Representatives and all other
+officials except the President and members of his cabinet, whether they
+entertain. They act upon their own pleasure in the matter.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Foreign Titles.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 116px;">
+<img src="images/i.png" width="116" height="300" alt="I" title="I" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>N</b></big> this country, where everybody possesses one and the same title, that
+of a citizen of this Republic, no one can claim a superiority of rank
+and title. Not so in European countries, where the right of birth
+entitles a person to honor, rank and title. And as our citizens are
+constantly visiting foreign countries, it is well to understand
+something of titles and ranks and their order of precedence.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ROYALTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>In England, the king and queen are placed at the top of the social
+structure. The mode by which they are addressed is in the form "Your
+Majesty."</p>
+
+<p>The Prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the throne, stands second in
+dignity. The other children are all known during their minority as
+princes and princesses. The eldest princess is called the crown
+princess. Upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span>bestowed upon them, and the daughters retain that of princesses, adding
+to it the title of their husbands. They are all designated as "Their
+Royal Highnesses."</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE NOBILITY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A duke who inherits the title from his father, stands one grade below a
+royal duke. The wife of a duke is known as a duchess. They are both
+addressed as "Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he inherits
+the higher title of his father. His wife is a marchioness. The younger
+sons are lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distinguished by
+having "Lady" prefixed to their Christian names. Earls and barons are
+both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies, though the latter are
+by right respectively countesses and baronesses. The daughters of the
+former are "ladies," the younger sons of both "honorables." The earl
+occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage.</p>
+
+<p>These complete the list of nobility, unless we include bishops, who are
+lords in right of their ecclesiastical office, but whose title is not
+hereditary.</p>
+
+<p>All these are entitled to seats in the upper House of Parliament.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE GENTRY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Baronets are known as "Sirs," and their wives receive the title of
+"Lady;" but they are only commoners of a higher degree, though there are
+families who have borne their title for many successive generations who
+would not exchange it for a recently created peerage.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality with all
+commoners, a bishop with all peers.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ESQUIRE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The title of Esquire, which is only an empty compliment in this country,
+has special significance in England. The following in that country have
+a legal right to the title:</p>
+
+<p>The sons of peers, whether known in common conversation as lords or
+honorables.</p>
+
+<p>The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual
+succession.</p>
+
+<p>All the sons of baronets.</p>
+
+<p>All esquires of the Knights of the Bath.</p>
+
+<p>Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown <i>in
+capite</i> are esquires by prescription.</p>
+
+<p>Esquires created to that rank by patent, and their eldest sons in
+perpetual succession.</p>
+
+<p>Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll,
+mayors of towns during mayoralty, and sheriffs of counties (who retain
+the title for life).</p>
+
+<p>Members of the House of Commons.</p>
+
+<p>Barristers-at-law.</p>
+
+<p>Bachelors of divinity, law and physic.</p>
+
+<p>All who in commissions signed by the sovereign, are ever styled esquires
+retain that designation for life.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>IMPERIAL RANK.</b></div>
+
+<p>Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of
+the emperor of Austria are called <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span>archdukes and archduchesses, the
+names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country
+claimed for himself no higher title than that of archduke. The emperor
+of Russia is known as the czar, the name being identical with the Roman
+c&aelig;sar and the German kaiser. The heir-apparent to the Russian throne is
+the czarowitch.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EUROPEAN TITLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Titles in continental Europe are so common and so frequently unsustained
+by landed and moneyed interests, that they have not that significance
+which they hold in England. A count may be a penniless scamp, depending
+upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence, and looking out
+for the chance of making a wealthy marriage.</p>
+
+<p>A German baron may be a good, substantial, unpretending man, something
+after the manner of an American farmer. A German prince or duke, since
+the absorption of the smaller principalities of Germany by Prussia, may
+have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The
+Italian prince is even of less account than the German one, since his
+rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether, and his only inheritance
+may be a grand but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep it
+in repair or furnish it properly.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESENTATION AT THE COURT OF ST. JAMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the
+Queen during a sojourn in England, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span>as the Queen is really an
+excellent woman, worthy of all honor, not only can there be no valid
+cause for objection to such presentation, but it may well be looked upon
+as an honor to be sought for.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THOSE ELIGIBLE TO PRESENTATION AT COURT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to
+presentation at court, unless there be some grave moral objection, in
+which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous Queen
+to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the
+objectionable parties are rigidly excluded. The clergy, naval and
+military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with
+their wives and daughters, have also the right to pay their personal
+respects to their queen. Those of more democratic professions, such as
+solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right,
+though wealth and connection have recently proven an open sesame at the
+gates of St. James. Any person who has been presented at court may
+present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented,
+must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or
+she may possess.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRELIMINARIES TO PRESENTATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen,
+must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two
+days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with
+the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span>be presented. In
+order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be
+made at a levee except by a person actually attending that levee, it is
+also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to
+make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present,
+should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be
+submitted to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These regulations
+of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.</p>
+
+<p>Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are
+always printed in the newspapers. These directions apply with equal
+force to ladies and to gentlemen.</p>
+
+<p>The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court
+costume, which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for
+women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can
+be hired for the occasion.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PRESENTATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves
+her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf
+behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she
+enters the long gallery of St. James, where she waits her turn for
+presentation.</p>
+
+<p>The lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber, which is
+entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping
+her train as she <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span>passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread
+out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward
+towards the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The
+card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another
+lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud. When she arrives just before
+His or Her Majesty, she should courtesy as low as possible, so as to
+almost kneel.</p>
+
+<p>If the lady presented be a peeress or a peer's daughter, the queen
+kisses her on the forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends
+her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises,
+courtesies to each of the other members of the royal family present, and
+then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as
+she passes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 311px;">
+<img src="images/illus-319.png" width="311" height="250" alt="Crown" title="Crown" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2>
+
+<h3>Business.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 116px;">
+<img src="images/i.png" width="116" height="300" alt="I" title="I" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>N</b></big> the chapter on "Our Manners," we have spoken of the importance of
+civility and politeness as a means of success to the business and
+professional man. It is in the ordinary walks of life, in the most
+trivial affairs that a man's real character is shown, and consequently
+every man, whatever may be his calling, will do well to give due
+attention to those trivial affairs which, in his daily association with
+men of the world, will give him a reputation of being cold, austere, and
+unapproachable, or warm-hearted, genial, and sympathetic.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FORM GOOD HABITS.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is important for the young man learning business, or just getting a
+start in business, to form correct habits, and especially of forming the
+habit of being polite to all with whom he has business relations,
+showing the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span>same courteous treatment to men or women, poorly or plainly
+dressed, as though they were attired in the most costly of garments. A
+man who forms habits of politeness and gentlemanly treatment of
+everybody in early life, has acquired the good-will of all with whom he
+has ever been brought into social or business relations. He should also
+guard against such habits as profanity, the use of tobacco and
+intoxicating liquors, if he would gain and retain the respect of the
+best portion of the community, and should, if possible, cultivate the
+habit of being cheerful at all times and in all places.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>KEEP YOUR TEMPER.</b></div>
+
+<p>In discussing business matters, never lose your temper, even though your
+opponent in a controversy should become angry, and in the heat of
+discussion make rude and disagreeable remarks and charges. By a calm and
+dignified bearing and courteous treatment you will conquer his rudeness.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HONESTY THE BEST POLICY.</b></div>
+
+<p>"Honesty is the best policy," is a maxim which merchants and tradesmen
+will find as true as it is trite, and no tradesman who wishes to retain
+his customers and his reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality
+of his goods. It is not good policy for a merchant or clerk, in selling
+goods, to tell the customer what they cost, as, in a majority of cases,
+he will not be believed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE EXAMPLE OF A MERCHANT PRINCE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The value of politeness to a merchant is nowhere more clearly shown than
+in the case of the late A.T. Stewart, the merchant prince of New York.
+He not only treated every customer he waited upon with the utmost
+courtesy, but he demanded it of every employe, and sought for men
+possessing every quality of character tending to secure this suavity of
+manner, in the selection of his salesmen and clerks. He required them to
+observe rigidly all rules and forms of politeness, and would allow no
+partiality shown to people on account of their dress, those clad in
+humble apparel being treated with the same affability and politeness as
+those richly dressed. Everybody who entered his store was sure of
+receiving kind and courteous treatment. This may, or may not, have been
+his secret of success, but it certainly gained and retained for him a
+large custom, and was one element in his character which can be highly
+commended. And every merchant will be judged of by his customers in
+proportion to the courteous treatment they receive from him, or from
+clerks in his store. The lawyer or the doctor will also acquire
+popularity and patronage as he exhibits courteous and kind treatment to
+all with whom he comes into social or business relations.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BREAKING AN APPOINTMENT.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not break an appointment with a business man, if possible to avoid
+it, for if you do, the party with whom you made it may have reason to
+think that you are not <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span>a man of your word, and it may also cause him
+great annoyance, and loss of time. If, however, it becomes absolutely
+necessary to do so, you should inform him beforehand, either by a note
+or by a special messenger, giving reasons for its non-fulfillment.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROMPTLY MEETING NOTES AND DRAFTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Every business man knows the importance of meeting promptly his notes
+and drafts, for to neglect it is disastrous to his reputation as a
+prompt business man. He should consider, also, apart from this, that he
+is under a moral obligation to meet these payments promptly when due. If
+circumstances which you cannot control prevent this, write at once to
+your creditor, stating plainly and frankly the reason why you are unable
+to pay him, and when you will be able. He will accommodate you if he has
+reason to believe your statements.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROMPT PAYMENT OF BILLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a bill is presented to you for payment, you should, if it is correct,
+pay it as promptly as though it were a note at the bank already due. The
+party who presents the bill may be in need of money, and should receive
+what is his due when he demands it. On the other hand, do not treat a
+man who calls upon you to pay a bill, or to whom you send to collect a
+bill, as though you were under no obligation to him. While you have a
+right to expect him to pay it, still its prompt payment may have so
+inconvenienced him as to deserve your thanks.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GENERAL RULES.</b></div>
+
+<p>If you chance to see a merchant's books or papers left open before you,
+it is not good manners to look over them, to ascertain their contents.</p>
+
+<p>If you write a letter asking for information, you should always enclose
+an envelope, addressed and stamped for the answer.</p>
+
+<p>Courtesy demands that you reply to all letters immediately.</p>
+
+<p>If you are in a company of men where two or more are talking over
+business matters, do not listen to the conversation which it was not
+intended you should hear.</p>
+
+<p>In calling upon a man during business hours, transact your business
+rapidly and make your call as short as is consistent with the matters on
+hand. As a rule, men have but little time to visit during business
+hours.</p>
+
+<p>If an employer has occasion to reprove any of his clerks or employes, he
+will find that by speaking kindly he will accomplish the desired object
+much better than by harsher means.</p>
+
+<p>In paying out a large sum of money, insist that the person to whom it is
+paid shall count it in your presence, and on the other hand, never
+receive a sum of money without counting it in the presence of the party
+who pays it to you. In this way mistakes may be avoided.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXX.</h2>
+
+<h3>Dress.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>O</b></big> dress well requires good taste, good sense and refinement. A woman of
+good sense will neither make dress her first nor her last object in
+life. No sensible wife will betray that total indifference for her
+husband which is implied in the neglect of her appearance, and she will
+remember that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the duties
+which she owes to society. Every lady, however insignificant her social
+position may appear to herself, must exercise a certain influence on the
+feelings and opinions of others. An attention to dress is useful as
+retaining, in the minds of sensible men, that pride in a wife's
+appearance, which is so agreeable to her, as well as that due influence
+which cannot be obtained without it. But a love of dress has its perils
+for weak minds. Uncontrolled by good sense, and stimulated by personal
+vanity it becomes a temptation at first, and then a curse. When it is
+indulged <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span>in to the detriment of better employments, and beyond the
+compass of means, it cannot be too severely condemned. It then becomes
+criminal.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CONSISTENCY IN DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Consistency in regard to station and fortune is the first matter to be
+considered. A woman of good sense will not wish to expend in unnecessary
+extravagances money wrung from an anxious, laborious husband; or if her
+husband be a man of fortune, she will not, even then, encroach upon her
+allowance. In the early years of married life, when the income is
+moderate, it should be the pride of a woman to see how little she can
+spend upon her dress, and yet present that tasteful and creditable
+appearance which is desirable. Much depends upon management, and upon
+the care taken of garments. She should turn everything to account, and
+be careful of her clothing when wearing it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EXTRAVAGANCE IN DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Dress, to be in perfect taste, need not be costly. It is unfortunate
+that in the United States, too much attention is paid to dress by those
+who have neither the excuse of ample means nor of social culture. The
+wife of a poorly paid clerk, or of a young man just starting in
+business, aims at dressing as stylishly as does the wealthiest among her
+acquaintances. The sewing girl, the shop girl, the chambermaid, and even
+the cook, must have their elegantly trimmed silk dresses and velvet
+cloaks for Sunday and holiday wear, and the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span>injury done by this state
+of things to the morals and manners of the poorer classes is
+incalculable.</p>
+
+<p>As fashions are constantly changing, those who do not adopt the
+extremes, as there are so many of the prevailing modes at present, can
+find something to suit every form and face.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INDIFFERENCE TO DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Indifference and inattention to dress is a defect of character rather
+than virtue, and often denotes indolence and slovenliness. Every woman
+should aim to make herself look as well as possible with the means at
+her command. Among the rich, a fondness for dress promotes exertion and
+activity of the mental powers, cultivates a correct taste and fosters
+industry and ingenuity among those who seek to procure for them the
+material and designs for dress. Among the middle classes it encourages
+diligence, contrivance, planning and deftness of handiwork, and among
+the poorer classes it promotes industry and economy. A fondness for
+dress, when it does not degenerate into vain show, has an elevating and
+refining influence on society.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>APPROPRIATE DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>To dress appropriately is another important matter to be considered. Due
+regard must be paid to the physical appearance of the person, and the
+dress must be made to harmonize throughout. An appropriate dress is that
+which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unnoticeable.
+Thin ladies can wear delicate <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span>colors, while stout persons look best in
+black or dark grey. For young and old the question of appropriate color
+must be determined by the figure and complexion. Rich colors harmonize
+with brunette complexions or dark hair, and delicate colors with persons
+of light hair and blonde complexions.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GLOVES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gloves are worn by gentlemen as well as ladies in the street, at an
+evening party, at the opera or theatre, at receptions, at church, when
+paying a call, riding or driving; but not in the country or at dinner.
+White should be worn at balls; the palest colors at evening parties and
+neutral shades at church.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EVENING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>The evening or full dress for gentlemen is a black dress-suit&mdash;a
+"swallow-tail" coat, the vest cut low, the cravat white, and kid gloves
+of the palest hue or white. The shirt front should be white and plain;
+the studs and cuff-buttons simple. Especial attention should be given to
+the hair, which should be neither short nor long. It is better to err
+upon the too short side, as too long hair savors of affectation,
+destroys the shape of the physiognomy, and has a touch of vulgarity
+about it. Evening dress is the same for a large dinner party, a ball or
+an opera. In some circles, however, evening dress is considered an
+affectation, and it is as well to do as others do. On Sunday, morning
+dress is worn and on that day of the week no gentleman is expected to
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span>appear in evening dress, either at church, at home or away from home.
+Gloves are dispensed with at dinner parties, and pale colors are
+preferred to white for evening wear.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MORNING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>The morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock-coat, or a black
+cut-away, white or black vest, according to the season, gray or colored
+pants, plaid or stripes, according to the fashion, a high silk
+(stove-pipe) hat, and a black scarf or necktie. A black frock coat with
+black pants is not considered a good combination, nor is a dress coat
+and colored or light pants. The morning dress is suitable for garden
+parties, Sundays, social teas, informal calls, morning calls and
+receptions.</p>
+
+<p>It will be seen that morning and evening dress for gentlemen varies as
+much as it does for ladies. It is decidedly out of place for a gentleman
+to wear a dress coat and white tie in the day-time, and when evening
+dress is desired on ceremonious occasions, the shutters should be closed
+and the gas or lamps lighted. The true evening costume or full dress
+suit, accepted as such throughout the world, has firmly established
+itself in this country; yet there is still a considerable amount of
+ignorance displayed as to the occasions when it should be worn, and it
+is not uncommon for the average American, even high officials and
+dignified people, to wear the full evening costume at a morning
+reception or some midday ceremony. A dress coat at a morning or
+afternoon reception or luncheon, is entirely out of place, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span>while the
+frock-coat or cut-away and gray pants, make a becoming costume for such
+an occasion.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>JEWELRY FOR GENTLEMEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is not considered in good taste for men to wear much jewelry. They
+may with propriety wear one gold ring, studs and cuff-buttons, and a
+watch chain, not too massive, with a modest pendant, or none at all.
+Anything more looks like a superabundance of ornament.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EVENING DRESS FOR LADIES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Evening dress for ladies may be as rich, elegant and gay as one chooses
+to make it. It is everywhere the custom to wear full evening dress in
+brilliant evening assemblages. It may be cut either high or low at the
+neck, yet no lady should wear her dress so low as to make it quite
+noticeable or a special subject of remark. Evening dress is what is
+commonly known as "full dress," and will serve for a large evening
+party, ball or dinner. No directions will be laid down with reference to
+it, as fashion devises how it is to be made and what material used.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BALL DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations of costume in
+the dinner dress, and the dress for evening parties. For a ball,
+everything should be light and diaphanous, somewhat fanciful and airy.
+The heavy, richly trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not
+dance. The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints in
+silk, the most expensive laces, elaborate <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span>coiffures, a large display of
+diamonds, artificial flowers for the head-dress and natural flowers for
+hand bouquets, all belong, more or less, to the costume for a large
+ball.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FULL DINNER DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The full dinner dress for guests admits of great splendor. It may be of
+any thick texture of silk or velvet for winter, or light rich goods for
+summer, and should be long and sweeping. Every trifle in a lady's
+costume should be, as far as she can afford it, faultless. The fan
+should be perfect in its way, and the gloves should be quite fresh.
+Diamonds are used in broaches, pendants, ear-rings and bracelets. If
+artificial flowers are worn in the hair, they should be of the choicest
+description. All the light neutral tints, and black, dark blue, purple,
+dark green, garnet, brown and fawn are suited for dinner wear.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS OF HOSTESS AT A DINNER PARTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be rich in material, but
+subdued in tone, so as not to eclipse any of her guests. A young hostess
+should wear a dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar
+and cuffs of fine lace, and if the dinner be by daylight, plain jewelry,
+but by gaslight diamonds.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHOWY DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The glaring colors and "loud" costumes, once so common, have given place
+to sober grays, and browns and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span>olives; black predominating over all.
+The light, showily-trimmed dresses, which were once displayed in the
+streets and fashionable promenades, are now only worn in carriages. This
+display of showy dress and glaring colors is generally confined to those
+who love ostentation more than comfort.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a lady has a special day for the reception of calls, her dress must
+be of silk, or other goods suitable to the season, or to her position,
+but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn. Lace collars and cuffs
+should be worn with this dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is also
+admissible. A lady whose mornings are devoted to the superintendence of
+her domestic affairs, may receive a casual caller in her ordinary
+morning dress, which must be neat, yet plain, with white plain linen
+collars and cuffs. For New Year's, or other calls of special
+significance, the dress should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed.
+If the parlors are closed and the gas lighted, full evening dress is
+required.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CARRIAGE DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The material for a dress for a drive through the public streets of a
+city, or along a fashionable drive or park, cannot be too rich. Silks,
+velvets and laces, are all appropriate, with rich jewelry and costly
+furs in cold weather. If the fashion require it, the carriage dress may
+be long enough to trail, or it may be of the length of a walking dress,
+which many prefer. For driving in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span>the country, a different style of
+dress is required, as the dust and mud would soil rich material.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>VISITING COSTUMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Visiting costumes, or those worn at a funeral or informal calls, are of
+richer material than walking suits. The bonnet is either simple or rich,
+according to the taste of the wearer. A jacket of velvet, or shawl, or
+fur-trimmed mantle are the concomitants of the carriage dress for
+winter. In summer all should be bright, cool, agreeable to wear and
+pleasant to look at.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR MORNING CALLS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Morning calls may be made either in walking or carriage dress, provided
+the latter is justified by the presence of the carriage. The dress
+should be of silk; collar and cuffs of the finest lace; light gloves; a
+full dress bonnet and jewelry of gold, either dead, burnished or
+enameled, or of cameo or coral. Diamonds are not usually worn in
+daylight. A dress of black or neutral tint, in which light colors are
+introduced only in small quantities, is the most appropriate for a
+morning call.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MORNING DRESS FOR STREET.</b></div>
+
+<p>The morning dress for the street should be quiet in color, plainly made
+and of serviceable material. It should be short enough to clear the
+ground without collecting mud and garbage. Lisle-thread gloves in
+midsummer, thick gloves in midwinter, are more com<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span>fortable for street
+wear than kid ones. Linen collars and cuffs are most suitable for
+morning street dress. The bonnet and hat should be quiet and
+inexpressive, matching the dress as nearly as possible. In stormy
+weather a large waterproof with hood is more convenient and less
+troublesome than an umbrella. The morning dress for visiting or
+breakfasting in public may be, in winter, of woolen goods, simply made
+and quietly trimmed, and in summer, of cambric, pique, marseilles or
+other wash goods, either white or figured. For morning wear at home the
+dress may be still simpler. The hair should be plainly arranged without
+ornament.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE PROMENADE DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself.
+All the colors worn should harmonize if they are not strictly identical.
+The bonnet should not be of one color, and parasol of another, the dress
+of a third and the gloves of a fourth. Nor should one article be new and
+another shabby. The collars and cuffs should be of lace; the kid gloves
+should be selected to harmonize with the color of the dress, a perfect
+fit. The jewelry worn should be bracelets, cuff-buttons, plain gold
+ear-rings, a watch chain and brooch.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OPERA DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for morning calls. A
+bonnet is always worn even by those who occupy boxes, but it may be as
+dressy as one chooses to make it. In the evening, ladies are at liberty
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span>to wear evening dresses, with ornaments in their hair, instead of a
+bonnet, and as the effect of light colors is much better than dark in a
+well-lighted opera house, they should predominate.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE RIDING DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A lady's riding habit should fit perfectly without being tight. The
+skirt must be full, and long enough to cover the feet, but not of
+extreme length. The boots must be stout and the gloves gauntleted.
+Broadcloth is regarded as the more dressy cloth, though waterproof is
+the more serviceable. Something lighter may be worn for summer, and in
+the lighter costumes a row of shot must be stitched at the bottom of the
+breadths of the left side to prevent the skirts from being blown by the
+wind. The riding dress is made to fit the waist closely, and button
+nearly to the throat. Above a small collar or reverse of the waist is
+shown a plain linen collar, fastened at the throat with a bright or
+black necktie. Coat sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs
+beneath them. No lace or embroidery is allowable in a riding costume. It
+is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length, and
+the long skirt fastened over it, so that if any accident occurs obliging
+the lady to dismount, she may easily remove the long overskirt and still
+be properly dressed.</p>
+
+<p>The hair should be put up compactly, and no veil should be allowed to
+stream in the wind. The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, but
+it should always be plainly trimmed, and if feathers are worn they must
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span>be fastened so that the wind cannot blow them over the wearer's eyes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>A WALKING SUIT.</b></div>
+
+<p>The material for a walking suit may be either rich or plain to suit the
+taste and means of the wearer. It should always be well made and never
+appear shabby. Bright colors appear best only as trimmings. Black has
+generally been adopted for street dresses as the most becoming. For the
+country, walking dresses are made tasteful, solid and strong, more for
+service than display, and what would be perfectly appropriate for the
+streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved
+walks of a small town or in a country neighborhood. The walking or
+promenade dress is always made short enough to clear the ground. Thick
+boots are worn with the walking suit.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR LADIES OF BUSINESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>For women who are engaged in some daily employment such as teachers,
+saleswomen and those who are occupied in literature, art or business of
+some sort, the dress should be somewhat different from the ordinary
+walking costume. Its material should be more serviceable, better fitted
+to endure the vicissitudes of the weather, and of quiet colors, such as
+brown or gray, and not easily soiled. While the costume should not be of
+the simplest nature, it should dispense with all superfluities in the
+way of trimming. It should be made with special reference to a free use
+of the arms, and to easy locomotion. Linen cuffs and collars are best
+suited to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span>this kind of dress, gloves which can be easily removed,
+street walking boots, and for jewelry, plain cuff-buttons, brooch and
+watch chain. The hat or bonnet should be neat and tasty, with but few
+flowers or feathers. For winter wear, waterproof, tastefully made up, is
+the best material for a business woman's outer garment.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ORDINARY EVENING DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The ordinary evening house dress should be tasteful and becoming, with a
+certain amount of ornament, and worn with jewelry. Silks are the most
+appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy woolen dress fabrics for
+winter, and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made,
+are suitable. For winter, the colors should be rich and warm, and knots
+of bright ribbon of a becoming color, should be worn at the throat and
+in the hair. The latter should be plainly dressed. Artificial flowers
+and diamonds are out of place. This is both a suitable dress in which to
+receive or make a casual evening call. If a hood is worn, it must be
+removed during the call. Otherwise a full dress bonnet must be worn.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY.</b></div>
+
+<p>For the social evening party, more latitude is allowed in the choice of
+colors, material, trimmings, etc., than for the ordinary evening dress.
+Dresses should cover the arms and shoulder; but if cut low in the neck,
+and with short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or some similar device
+should be employed to cover the neck and arms.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span> Gloves may or may not be
+worn, but if they are they should be of some light color.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR CHURCH.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dress for church should be plain, of dark, quiet colors, with no
+superfluous trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the plainest of
+promenade dresses, as church is not the place for display of fine
+clothes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE DRESS FOR THE THEATRE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The promenade dress with the addition of a handsome cloak or shawl,
+which may be thrown aside if it is uncomfortable, is suitable for a
+theatre. The dress should be quiet and plain without any attempt at
+display. Either a bonnet or hat may be worn. Gloves should be dark,
+harmonizing with the dress.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT.</b></div>
+
+<p>For the lecture or concert, silk is an appropriate dress, and should be
+worn with lace collars and cuffs and jewelry. A rich shawl or velvet
+promenade cloak, or opera cloak for a concert is an appropriate outer
+garment. The latter may or may not be kept on the shoulders during the
+evening. White or light kid gloves should be worn.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CROQUET, ARCHERY AND SKATING COSTUMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Croquet and archery costumes may be similar, and they admit of more
+brilliancy in coloring than any of the out-of-door costumes. They should
+be short, dis<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span>playing a handsomely fitting but stout boot, and should be
+so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free. The gloves should be
+soft and washable. Kid is not suitable for either occasion. The hat
+should have a broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun, and
+render a parasol unnecessary. The trimming for archery costumes is
+usually of green.</p>
+
+<p>An elegant skating costume may be of velvet, trimmed with fur, with fur
+bordered gloves and boots. Any of the warm, bright colored wool fabrics,
+however, are suitable for the dress. If blue or green are worn, they
+should be relieved with trimmings of dark furs. Silk is not suitable for
+skating costume. To avoid suffering from cold feet, the boot should be
+amply loose.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BATHING COSTUME.</b></div>
+
+<p>Flannel is the best material for a bathing costume, and gray is regarded
+as the most suitable color. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid.
+The best form is the loose sacque, or the yoke waist, both of them to be
+belted in, and falling about midway between the knee and ankle; an
+oilskin cap to protect the hair from the water, and merino socks to
+match the dress, complete the costume.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAVELING DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the requirements of a
+traveling dress. When a lady is about making an extensive journey, a
+traveling suit is a great convenience, but for a short journey, a large
+linen overdress or duster may be put on over the ordinary <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span>dress in
+summer, and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way.
+For traveling costumes a variety of materials may be used, of soft,
+neutral tints, and smooth surface which does not retain the dust. These
+should be made up plainly and quite short. The underskirts should be
+colored, woolen in winter and linen in summer. The hat or bonnet must be
+plainly trimmed and completely protected by a large veil. Velvet is
+unfit for a traveling hat, as it catches and retains the dust; collars
+and cuffs of plain linen. The hair should be put up in the plainest
+manner. A waterproof and warm woolen shawl are indispensible, and may be
+rolled in a shawl strap when not needed. A satchel should be carried, in
+which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs,
+toilet articles, and towels. A traveling dress should be well supplied
+with pockets. The waterproof should have large pockets, and there should
+be one in the underskirt in which to carry such money and valuables as
+are not needed for immediate use.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE WEDDING DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A full bridal costume should be white from head to foot. The dress may
+be of silk, heavily corded, moire antique, satin or plain silk, merino,
+alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or
+illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not descend over
+the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses
+should form the bridal wreath and bouquet. The dress is high and the
+arms <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span>covered. Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the
+dress.</p>
+
+<p>The dress of the bridegroom and ushers is given in the chapter treating
+of the etiquette of weddings.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS OF BRIDEMAIDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The dresses of bridemaids are not so elaborate as that of the bride.
+They should also be of white, but may be trimmed with delicately colored
+flowers and ribbons. White tulle, worn over pale pink or blue silk and
+caught up with blush roses or forget-me-nots, with <i>bouquet de corsage</i>
+and hand bouquet of the same, makes a beautiful costume for the
+bridemaids. The latter, may or may not, wear veils, but if they do, they
+should be shorter than that of the bride.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TRAVELING DRESS OF A BRIDE.</b></div>
+
+<p>This should be of silk, or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses;
+should be of some neutral tint; and bonnet and gloves should match in
+color. It may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling
+dress, but if the bride wishes to attract as little attention as
+possible, she will not make herself conspicuous by a too showy dress. In
+private weddings the bride is sometimes married in traveling costume,
+and the bridal pair at once set out upon their journey.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DRESS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>At wedding receptions in the evening, guests should wear full evening
+dress. No one should attend in black <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span>or mourning dress, which should
+give place to grey or lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded
+couple, guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MOURNING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The people of the United States have settled upon no prescribed periods
+for the wearing of mourning garments. Some wear them long after their
+hearts have ceased to mourn. Where there is profound grief, no rules are
+needed, but where the sorrow is not so great, there is need of
+observance of fixed periods for wearing mourning.</p>
+
+<p>Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge, bombazine,
+lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily clinging material,
+with collar and cuffs of crape. Mourning garments should have little or
+no trimming; no flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress is
+not made <i>en suite</i>, then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere
+with crape border is worn. The bonnet is of black crape; a hat is
+inadmissible. The veil is of crape or barege with heavy border; black
+gloves and black-bordered handkerchief. In winter dark furs may be worn
+with the deepest mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins,
+buckles, etc., must be of jet. Lustreless alpaca and black silk trimmed
+with crape may be worn in second mourning, with white collars and cuffs.
+The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is
+still retained. A still less degree of mourning is indicated by black
+and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span> Crape is
+still retained in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added. Light
+gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac, indicate a slight
+mourning. Black lace bonnet, with white or violet flowers, supercedes
+crape, and jet and gold jewelry is worn.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PERIODS OF WEARING MOURNING.</b></div>
+
+<p>The following rules have been given by an authority competent to speak
+on these matters regarding the degree of mourning and the length of time
+it should be worn:</p>
+
+<p>"The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is
+worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow's mourning for the first year
+consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded
+untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape
+veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and
+cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray,
+violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly
+plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never
+a hat.</p>
+
+<p>"The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six
+months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with
+crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings,
+black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black
+silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of
+tulle and white bonnet-facings; and the last three months in gray,
+purple and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span>violet. Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn
+for a parent.</p>
+
+<p>"Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months, three months black
+woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of
+crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in black silk trimmed
+with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in
+gray, purple, white and violet.</p>
+
+<p>"Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance, is the same
+as that worn for a grandparent.</p>
+
+<p>"Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months, two months in
+solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of
+black with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk,
+with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white
+and violet.</p>
+
+<p>"Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the
+second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings
+being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same
+length of time.</p>
+
+<p>"The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk
+or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close
+mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits&mdash;in fact, trimming of
+any kind&mdash;is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.</p>
+
+<p>"Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a
+border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is
+lightened.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Mourning silks should be perfectly lusterless, and the ribbons worn
+without any gloss.</p>
+
+<p>"Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress,
+even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a
+gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.</p>
+
+<p>"The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer
+and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and
+bonnet ribbons."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-345.png" width="300" height="236" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Harmony of Colors in Dress.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HE</b></big> selection and proper arrangement of colors, so that they will
+produce the most pleasant harmony, is one of the most desirable
+requisites in dress. Sir Joshua Reynolds says: "Color is the last
+attainment of excellence in every school of painting." The same may also
+be said in regard to the art of using colors in dress. Nevertheless, it
+is the first thing to which we should give our attention and study.<br /></div>
+
+<p>We put bright colors upon our little children; we dress our young girls
+in light and delicate shades; the blooming matron is justified in
+adopting the warm, rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while
+black and neutral tints are declared appropriate to the old.</p>
+
+<p>One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it
+should be in a limited quantity and only by way of contrast or harmony.
+Some colors may never, under any circumstances, be worn together,
+because they produce positive discord to the eye. If the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span>dress be blue,
+red should never be introduced by way of trimming, or <i>vice versa</i>. Red
+and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scarlet and crimson may
+never be united in the same costume. If the dress be red, green maybe
+introduced in a minute quantity; if blue, orange; if green, crimson.
+Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, each killing the other
+whenever they meet.</p>
+
+<p>Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, may not be used in equal
+quantities in the dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they
+divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any
+quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as gray or drab. Black
+may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades
+of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though
+it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and
+pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the
+black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab,
+being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with
+equal effect with all.</p>
+
+<p>A person of very fair, delicate complexion, should always wear the most
+delicate of tints, such as light blue, mauve and pea-green. A brunette
+requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the
+brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair call
+for blue.</p>
+
+<p>Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white,
+and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Dark brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity.</p>
+
+<p>If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale yellowish green will by
+reflection produce the lacking warm tint.</p>
+
+<p>Light brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden
+tint.</p>
+
+<p>Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased
+by the addition of pearls or white flowers.</p>
+
+<p>Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of
+a golden red, blue, green, purple or black will bring out the richness
+of its tints.</p>
+
+<p>Flaxen hair requires blue.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MATERIAL FOR DRESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The material for dress must be selected with reference to the purpose
+which it is to serve. No one buys a yellow satin dress for the
+promenade, yet a yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful, as an
+evening-dress. Neither would one buy a heavy serge of neutral tint for
+an opera-dress.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A small person may dress in light colors which would be simply
+ridiculous on a person of larger proportions. So a lady of majestic
+appearance should never wear white, but will be seen to the best
+advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of diminutive stature is
+dressed in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span>figures,
+plaids or stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in
+similar garments, because, united with her size, they give her a "loud"
+appearance. Indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are
+never in perfect taste.</p>
+
+<p>Heavy, rich materials suit a tall figure, while light, full draperies
+should only be worn by those of slender proportions and not too short.
+The very short and stout must be content with meagre drapery and quiet
+colors.</p>
+
+<p>Tall and slim persons should avoid stripes; short, chunky ones,
+flounces, or any horizontal trimming of the dress which, by breaking the
+outline from the waist to the feet, produces an effect of shortening.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW COLORS HARMONIZE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Colors may form a harmony either by contrast or by analogy. When two
+remote shades of one color are associated, such as very light blue and a
+very dark blue, they harmonize by contrast, though the harmony may be
+neither striking nor perfect. When two colors which are similar to each
+other are grouped, such as orange and scarlet, crimson and orange, they
+harmonize by analogy. A harmony of contrast is characterized by
+brilliancy and decision, and a harmony of analogy by a quiet and
+pleasing association of colors.</p>
+
+<p>When a color is chosen which is favorable to the complexion, it is well
+to associate with it the tints which will harmonize by analogy, as to
+use contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect. When a color
+is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span>used in dress, not suitable to the complexion, it should be
+associated with contrasting colors, as they have the power to neutralize
+its objectionable influence.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-350.png" width="300" height="353" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Colors of similar power which contrast with each other, mutually
+intensify each other's brilliancy, as blue and orange, scarlet and
+green; but dark and light colors associated do not intensify each other
+to the same degree, the dark appearing darker and the light appearing
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span>lighter, as dark blue and straw color. Colors which harmonize with each
+other by analogy, reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less
+degree, as white and yellow, blue and purple, black and brown.</p>
+
+<p>The various shades of purple and lilac, dark blues and dark greens, lose
+much of their brilliancy by gaslight, while orange, scarlet, crimson,
+the light browns and light greens, gain brilliancy by a strong
+artificial light.</p>
+
+<p>Below the reader will find a list of colors that harmonize, forming most
+agreeable combinations, in which are included all the latest and most
+fashionable shades and colors:</p>
+
+<div>
+Black and pink.<br />
+Black and lilac.<br />
+Black and scarlet.<br />
+Black and maize.<br />
+Black and slate color.<br />
+Black and orange, a rich harmony.<br />
+Black and white, a perfect harmony.<br />
+Black and brown, a dull harmony.<br />
+Black and drab or buff.<br />
+Black, white or yellow and crimson.<br />
+Black, orange, blue and scarlet.<br />
+Black and chocolate brown.<br />
+Black and shaded cardinal.<br />
+Black and cardinal.<br />
+Black, yellow, bronze and light blue.<br />
+Black, cardinal, blue and old gold.<br />
+Blue and brown.<br />
+Blue and black.<br />
+Blue and gold, a rich harmony.<br />
+Blue and orange, a perfect harmony.<br />
+Blue and chestnut (or chocolate).<br />
+Blue and maize.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span>
+Blue and straw color.<br />
+Blue and white.<br />
+Blue and fawn color, weak harmony.<br />
+Blue and stone color.<br />
+Blue and drab.<br />
+Blue and lilac, weak harmony.<br />
+Blue and crimson, imperfectly.<br />
+Blue and pink, poor harmony.<br />
+Blue and salmon color.<br />
+Blue, scarlet and purple (or lilac).<br />
+Blue, orange and black.<br />
+Blue, orange and green.<br />
+Blue, brown, crimson and gold (or yellow).<br />
+Blue, orange, black and white.<br />
+Blue, pink and bronze green.<br />
+Blue, cardinal and old gold.<br />
+Blue, yellow, chocolate-brown and gold.<br />
+Blue, mulberry and yellow.<br />
+Bronze and old gold.<br />
+Bronze, pink and light blue.<br />
+Bronze, black, blue, pink and gold.<br />
+Bronze, cardinal and peacock blue.<br />
+Brown, blue, green, cardinal and yellow.<br />
+Brown, yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.<br />
+Crimson and gold, rich harmony.<br />
+Crimson and orange, rich harmony.<br />
+Crimson and brown, dull harmony.<br />
+Crimson and black, dull harmony.<br />
+Crimson and drab.<br />
+Crimson and maize.<br />
+Crimson and purple.<br />
+Cardinal and old gold.<br />
+Cardinal, brown and black.<br />
+Cardinal and navy blue.<br />
+Chocolate, blue, pink and gold.<br />
+Claret and old gold.<br />
+Dark green, white and cardinal.<br />
+Ecrue, bronze and peacock.<br />
+Ecrue and light blue.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span>
+Garnet, bronze and pink.<br />
+Gensd'arme and cardinal.<br />
+Gensd'arme and bronze.<br />
+Gensd'arme and myrtle.<br />
+Gensd'arme and old gold.<br />
+Gensd'arme, yellow and cardinal.<br />
+Gensd'arme, pink, cardinal and lavender.<br />
+Green and gold, or gold color.<br />
+Green and scarlet.<br />
+Green and orange.<br />
+Green and yellow.<br />
+Green, crimson, blue and gold, or yellow.<br />
+Green, blue and scarlet.<br />
+Green, gold and mulberry.<br />
+Green and cardinal.<br />
+Lilac and white, poor.<br />
+Lilac and gray, poor.<br />
+Lilac and maize.<br />
+Lilac and cherry.<br />
+Lilac and gold, or gold color.<br />
+Lilac and scarlet.<br />
+Lilac and crimson.<br />
+Lilac, scarlet and white or black.<br />
+Lilac, gold color and crimson.<br />
+Lilac, yellow or gold, scarlet and white.<br />
+Light pink and garnet.<br />
+Light drab, pine, yellow and white.<br />
+Myrtle and old gold.<br />
+Myrtle and bronze.<br />
+Myrtle, red, blue and yellow.<br />
+Myrtle, mulberry, cardinal, gold and light green.<br />
+Mulberry and old gold.<br />
+Mulberry and gold.<br />
+Mulberry and bronze.<br />
+Mulberry, bronze and gold.<br />
+Mulberry and pearl.<br />
+Mode, pearl and mulberry.<br />
+Maroon, yellow, silvery gray and light green.<br />
+Navy blue, light blue and gold.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span>
+Navy blue, gensd'arme and pearl.<br />
+Navy blue, maize, cardinal and yellow.<br />
+Orange and bronze, agreeable.<br />
+Orange and chestnut.<br />
+Orange, lilac and crimson.<br />
+Orange, red and green.<br />
+Orange, purple and scarlet.<br />
+Orange, blue, scarlet and purple.<br />
+Orange, blue, scarlet and claret.<br />
+Orange, blue, scarlet, white and green.<br />
+Orange, blue and crimson.<br />
+Pearl, light blue and peacock blue.<br />
+Peacock blue and light gold.<br />
+Peacock blue and old gold.<br />
+Peacock blue and cardinal.<br />
+Peacock blue, pearl, gold and cardinal.<br />
+Purple and maize.<br />
+Purple and blue.<br />
+Purple and gold, or gold color, rich.<br />
+Purple and orange, rich.<br />
+Purple and black, heavy.<br />
+Purple and white, cold.<br />
+Purple, scarlet and gold color.<br />
+Purple, scarlet and white.<br />
+Purple, scarlet, blue and orange.<br />
+Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and black.<br />
+Red and white, or gray.<br />
+Red and gold, or gold color.<br />
+Red, orange and green.<br />
+Red, yellow or gold color and black.<br />
+Red, gold color, black and white.<br />
+Seal brown, gold and cardinal.<br />
+Sapphire and bronze.<br />
+Sapphire and old gold.<br />
+Sapphire and cardinal.<br />
+Sapphire and light blue.<br />
+Sapphire and light pink.<br />
+Sapphire and corn.<br />
+Sapphire and garnet.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span>
+Sapphire and mulberry.<br />
+Shaded blue and black.<br />
+Scarlet and blue.<br />
+Scarlet and slate color.<br />
+Scarlet and orange.<br />
+Scarlet, blue and white.<br />
+Scarlet, blue and yellow.<br />
+Scarlet, black and white.<br />
+Scarlet, blue, black and yellow.<br />
+Shaded blue, shaded garnet and shaded gold.<br />
+Shaded blue and black.<br />
+White and cherry.<br />
+White and crimson.<br />
+White and brown.<br />
+White and pink.<br />
+White and scarlet.<br />
+White and gold color, poor.<br />
+Yellow and black.<br />
+Yellow and brown.<br />
+Yellow and red.<br />
+Yellow and chestnut or chocolate.<br />
+Yellow and white, poor.<br />
+Yellow and purple, agreeable.<br />
+Yellow and violet.<br />
+Yellow and lilac, weak.<br />
+Yellow and blue, cold.<br />
+Yellow and crimson.<br />
+Yellow, purple and crimson.<br />
+Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue.<br />
+Yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.<br />
+Yellow, pink, maroon and light blue.<br />
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus-176.png" width="400" height="74" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXII.</h2>
+
+<h3>The Toilet.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>O</b></big> appear at all times neat, clean and tidy, is demanded of every
+well-bred person. The dress may be plain, rich or extravagant, but there
+must be a neatness and cleanliness of the person. Whether a lady is
+possessed of few or many personal attractions, it is her duty at all
+times to appear tidy and clean, and to make herself as comely and
+attractive as circumstances and surroundings will permit. The same may
+be said of a gentleman. If a gentleman calls upon a lady, his duty and
+his respect for her demand that he shall appear not only in good
+clothes, but with well combed hair, exquisitely clean hands, well
+trimmed beard or cleanly shaven face, while the lady will not show
+herself in an untidy dress, or disheveled hair. They should appear at
+their best.<br /></div>
+
+<p>Upon the minor details of the toilet depend, in a great degree, the
+health, not to say the beauty, of the individual. In fact the highest
+state of health is equiv<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span>alent to the highest degree of beauty of which
+the individual is capable.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PERFUMES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Perfumes, if used at all, should be used in the strictest moderation,
+and be of the most <i>recherche</i> kind. Musk and patchouli should always be
+avoided, as, to many people of sensitive temperament, their odor is
+exceedingly disagreeable. Cologne water of the best quality is never
+offensive.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BATH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity. Cleanliness of the
+person is health, and health is beauty. The bath is consequently a very
+important means of preserving the health and enhancing the beauty. It is
+not to be supposed that we bathe simply to become clean, but because we
+wish to remain clean. Cold water refreshes and invigorates, but does not
+cleanse, and persons who daily use a sponge bath in the morning, should
+frequently use a warm one, of from ninety-six to one hundred degrees
+Fahrenheit for cleansing purposes. When a plunge bath is taken, the
+safest temperature is from eighty to ninety degrees, which answers the
+purposes of both cleansing and refreshing. Soap should be plentifully
+used, and the fleshbrush applied vigorously, drying with a coarse
+Turkish towel. Nothing improves the complexion like the daily use of the
+fleshbrush, with early rising and exercise in the open air.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In many houses, in large cities, there is a separate bath-room, with hot
+and cold water, but in smaller places and country houses this
+convenience is not to be found. A substitute for the bath-room is a
+large piece of oil-cloth, which can be laid upon the floor of an
+ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath tub or basin,
+or a person may use it to stand upon while taking a sponge bath. The
+various kinds of baths, both hot and cold, are the shower bath, the
+douche, the hip bath and the sponge bath.</p>
+
+<p>The shower bath can only be endured by the most vigorous constitutions,
+and therefore cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use.</p>
+
+<p>A douche or hip bath may be taken every morning, with the temperature of
+the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a sponge
+bath may be taken upon retiring. Once a week a warm bath, at from ninety
+to one hundred degrees, may be taken, with plenty of soap, in order to
+thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. Rough towels should be
+vigorously used after these baths, not only to remove the impurities of
+the skin but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the
+whole body. The hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in
+the bath before the towel is applied.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>The teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after each meal,
+and also on retiring at night. Use the brush so that not only the
+outside of the teeth <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span>becomes white, but the inside also. After the
+brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of water, then
+rub it quite dry on a towel.</p>
+
+<p>Use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly. Castile soap used once a
+day, with frequent brushings with pure water and a brush, cannot fail to
+keep the teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and destroyed
+by other bad habits, such as the use of tobacco, or too hot or too cold
+drinks.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DECAYED TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>On the slightest appearance of decay or tendency to accumulate tartar,
+go at once to the dentist. If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is
+neglected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A
+dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage, will remove the decayed
+part and plug the cavity in a proper manner.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TARTAR ON THE TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires equally early
+attention. It results from an impaired state of the general health, and
+assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At
+first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of
+the tooth brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is necessary
+to have it chipped off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it
+will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it
+fixes, and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect&mdash;that
+of tainting the breath. Washing the teeth <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span>with vinegar when the brush
+is used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar.</p>
+
+<p>Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are subject, may sometimes
+be met by the use of salt and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth
+frequently with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FOUL BREATH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Foul breath, unless caused by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged
+state of the system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other local
+case, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of
+lime in half a tumbler of water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting
+the breath, may be glad to know that the common parsley has a peculiar
+effect in removing the odor of tobacco.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE SKIN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Beauty and health of the skin can only be obtained by perfect
+cleanliness of the entire person, an avoidance of all cosmetics, added
+to proper diet, correct habits and early habits of rising and exercise.
+The skin must be thoroughly washed, occasionally with warm water and
+soap, to remove the oily exudations on its surface. If any unpleasant
+sensations are experienced after the use of soap, they may be
+immediately removed by rinsing the surface with water to which a little
+lemon juice or vinegar has been added.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRESERVING A YOUTHFUL COMPLEXION.</b></div>
+
+<p>The following rules may be given for the preservation of a youthful
+complexion: Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use
+plenty of cold water and good soap frequently. Be moderate in eating and
+drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere
+of crowded assemblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The
+latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have
+in view.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MOLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face, but they should
+not be tampered with in any way. The only safe and certain mode of
+getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FRECKLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine,
+and consequently evanescent, are denominated "summer freckles;" those
+which are constitutional and permanent are called "cold freckles." With
+regard to the latter, it is impossible to give any advice which will be
+of value. They result from causes not to be affected by mere external
+applications. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with, and
+with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of
+disfigurement. Some skins are so delicate that they become freckled on
+the slightest exposure to open air in summer. The cause assigned for
+this is that the iron <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span>in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen,
+leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give in their
+appropriate places some recipes for removing these latter freckles from
+the face.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>OTHER DISCOLORATIONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>There are various other discolorations of the skin, proceeding
+frequently from derangement of the system. The cause should always be
+discovered before attempting a remedy; otherwise you may aggravate the
+complaint rather than cure it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE EYES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can owe little to the toilet.
+As in the eye consists much of the expression of the face, therefore it
+should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a
+pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and
+beautify the soul, and then this beautiful soul will look through its
+natural windows.</p>
+
+<p>Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroying them. All
+daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. It may be acquired by
+bad habits in youth. A short-sighted person should supply himself with
+glasses exactly adapted to his wants; but it is well not to use these
+glasses too constantly, as, even when they per<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span>fectly fit the eye, they
+really tend to shorten the sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it
+is best to keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordinarily to
+the unaided eye. Parents and teachers should watch their children and
+see that they do not acquire the habit of holding their books too close
+to their eyes, and thus injure their sight.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SQUINT-EYES AND CROSS-EYES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint
+or cross-eyed through any carelessness. A child's hair hanging down
+loosely over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over them, or a
+loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead, is sometimes
+sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently
+crossed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may
+be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be
+taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that
+the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye. The eyebrows may be
+brushed carefully in the direction in which they should lie. In general,
+it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows, for it
+usually brings them into disharmony with the hair and features. There
+are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is
+utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases one can hardly
+be blamed if<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span> India ink is resorted to to give them the desired color.
+Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty in no way, and may result
+in an irregular growth of new hair.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TAKE CARE OF THE EYES.</b></div>
+
+<p>The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be
+strained in an imperfect light, whether that of shrouded daylight,
+twilight or flickering lamp or candle-light. Many persons have an idea
+that an habitually dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it
+weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of
+the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of
+day, and the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will
+be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>EYEBROWS MEETING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually
+considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a
+consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style
+of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is useless to
+pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like
+that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than
+the hair.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INFLAMED EYES.</b></div>
+
+<p>If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, do not seek to remove
+the scales roughly, for they will <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span>bring the lashes with them. Apply at
+night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, and wash
+them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It is well to have on
+the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is
+simple and well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and wash off
+with rose-water in the morning. There is a simple lotion made by
+dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the
+same size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold
+and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE STY.</b></div>
+
+<p>A sty in the eye is irritating and disfiguring. Bathe with warm water;
+at night apply a bread-and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick
+it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be obstinate, a little
+citrine ointment may be applied, care being taken that it does not get
+into the eye.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an individual, especially
+a lady, as a good head of hair. The skin of the head requires even more
+tenderness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body, and is
+capable of being irritated by disease. The hair should be brushed
+carefully. The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The
+hair should be separated, in order that the head itself may be well
+brushed, as by doing so the scurf is removed, and that is most
+essential, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span>as it is not only unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered
+to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration, and tends to weaken
+the roots of the hair, so that it is easily pulled out. In brushing or
+combing, begin at the extreme points, and in combing, hold the portion
+of hair just above that through which the comb is passing, firmly
+between the first and second fingers, so that if it is entangled it may
+drag from that point, and not from the roots. The finest head of hair
+may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and
+dragging it in a reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus
+created, and become very troublesome.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE USE OF HAIR OILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. A white, concrete oil
+pertains naturally to the covering of the human head, but some persons
+have it in more abundance than others. Those whose hair is glossy and
+shining need nothing to render it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor
+and dry, artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who perspire
+freely, or who accumulate scurf rapidly, require it also. Nothing is
+simpler or better in the way of oil than pure, unscented salad oil, and
+in the way of a pomatum, bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. Apply
+either with the hands, or keep a soft brush for the purpose, but take
+care not to use the oil too freely. An overoiled head of hair is vulgar
+and offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil applied to the hair.
+It is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at
+night after brushing it, in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span>order to remove the oil before laying the
+head upon the pillow.</p>
+
+<p>Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair. Ammonia
+diluted in water is still better.</p>
+
+<p>The hair-brush should be frequently washed in diluted ammonia.</p>
+
+<p>For removing scurf, glycerine, diluted with a little rose-water, will be
+found of service. Any preparation of rosemary forms an agreeable and
+highly cleansing wash. The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an
+excellent application to the scalp. Many heads of hair require nothing
+more in the way of wash than soap and water. Beware of letting the hair
+grow too long, as the points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to
+have the ends clipped off once a month.</p>
+
+<p>Young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up, if
+they would have it then in its best condition.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>DYEING THE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is almost impossible
+to give the hair a tint which harmonizes with the complexion. If the
+hair begins to change early, and the color goes in patches, procure from
+the druggist's a preparation of the husk of the walnut water of <i>eau
+crayon</i>. This will, by daily application, darken the tint of the hair
+without actually dyeing it. When the change of color has gone on to any
+great extent, it is better to abandon the application and put up with
+the change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in accordance with
+the change of the face. Indeed, there is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span>nothing more beautiful than
+soft, white hair worn in bands or clustering curls about the face. The
+walnut water may be used for toning down too red hair.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BALDNESS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, owing, no doubt, to
+the use of the close hat, which confines and overheats the head. If the
+hair is found to be falling out, the first thing to do is to look to the
+hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no
+greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat. It is best to lay
+this hat aside altogether and adopt a light felt or straw in its place.</p>
+
+<p>Long, flowing hair on a man is not in good taste, and will indicate him
+to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic
+character&mdash;a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others with the fact
+that he is eccentric, something which a really eccentric person never
+attempts.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE BEARD.</b></div>
+
+<p>Those who shave should be careful to do so every morning. Nothing looks
+worse than a shabby beard. Some persons whose beards are strong should
+shave twice a day, especially if they are going to a party in the
+evening.</p>
+
+<p>The style of the growth of the beard should be governed by the character
+of the face. But whatever the style be, the great point is to keep it
+well brushed and trimmed, and to avoid any appearance of wildness or
+inattention. The full, flowing beard of course requires <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span>more looking
+after in the way of cleanliness, than any other. It should be thoroughly
+washed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to accumulate
+in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's
+self as well as to others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to
+avoid the use of oil or pomatum. The moustache should be worn neatly and
+not over-large. There is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the
+full beard if carefully and neatly kept.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE HAND.</b></div>
+
+<p>The beautiful hand is long and slender, with tapering fingers and pink,
+filbert-shaped nails. The hand to be in proper proportion to the rest of
+the body, should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of
+the hair on the forehead.</p>
+
+<p>The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and therefore should be
+very frequently washed&mdash;not merely rinsed in soap and water, but
+thoroughly lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In cold
+weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjectionable, after which the
+hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a
+fine towel.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and rub them briskly for
+some time afterward. When this is not sufficiently attended to in cold
+weather, the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub a few drops of
+honey over them when dry, or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine
+before going to bed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHAPPED HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands, so the winter
+season brings with it a cure for them. A thorough washing in snow and
+soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands, and leave them
+beautifully soft.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE THE HANDS WHITE AND DELICATE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Should you wish to make your hands white and delicate, you might wash
+them in milk and water for a day or two. On retiring to rest, rub them
+well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves. The
+hands should be thoroughly washed with hot water and soap the next
+morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn during the day. They
+should be frequently rubbed together to promote circulation. Sunburnt
+hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TREATMENT OF WARTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Warts, which are more common with young people than with adults, are
+very unsightly, and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best
+plan is to buy a stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and
+case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and touch the
+wart every morning and evening, care being taken to cut away the
+withered skin before repeating the operation. A still better plan is to
+apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's hair pencil to the
+summit of the wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch
+any of the surrounding skin; to pre<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span>vent this the finger or hand at the
+base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE NAILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentleman, however well
+dressed they may otherwise be, with unclean nails. It always results
+from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet,
+which is most reprehensible. The nails should be cut about once a
+week&mdash;certainly not oftener. This should be accomplished just after
+washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should be taken not
+to cut them too short, though, if they are left too long, they will
+frequently get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the
+corners. Recollect the filbert-shaped nail is considered the most
+beautiful. Never bite the nails; it not only is a most disagreeable
+habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, deformed and difficult to
+clean, besides gives a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips.</p>
+
+<p>Some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it
+grows. This may be pressed down by the towel after washing; or should
+that not prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge with some
+blunt instrument. On no account scrape the nails with a view to
+polishing their surface. Such an operation only tends to make them
+wrinkled.</p>
+
+<p>Absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty, which requires
+that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure. With
+proper care the hand may be retained beautiful, soft and shapely, and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span>yet perform its fair share of labor. The hands should always be
+protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them.
+Gloves are imperatively required for garden-work. The hands should
+always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If
+they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or
+lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth at once.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR MOIST HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>People afflicted with moist hands should revolutionize their habits,
+take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a
+nutritious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic of
+some sort. Local applications of starch-powder and the juice of lemon
+may be used to advantage.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE FEET.</b></div>
+
+<p>A well formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes well spread, each
+separate toe perfect and rounded in form. The nails are regular and
+perfect in shape as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a
+little beyond the others, and the first, or big toe, stands slightly
+apart from the rest and is slightly lifted. The feet, from the
+circumstance of their being so much confined by boots and shoes, require
+more care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they do not always
+get this care. The hands receive frequent washings every day. Once a
+week is quite as often as many people can bestow the same attention upon
+their feet. A tepid bath at about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span> 80 or 90 degrees, should be used. The
+feet may remain in the water about five minutes, and the instant they
+are taken out they should be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well
+rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the water. Few
+things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk, or
+getting wet in the feet, than a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a
+pair of easy shoes. After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails,
+as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in
+warm water.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TREATMENT FOR MOIST OR DAMP FEET.</b></div>
+
+<p>Some persons are troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises
+more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, and the
+greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it.
+Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm
+water, after which they should put on clean socks. Should this fail to
+cure, they may, after being washed as above, be rinsed, and then
+thoroughly rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water
+and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BLISTERS ON THE FEET.</b></div>
+
+<p>People who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters. The best
+preventative of these is to have easy, well-fitting boots and woolen
+socks. Should blisters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large
+darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span>leaving an inch or so of the thread outside at each end. This keeps the
+scurf-skin close to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt
+entering. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin remains until
+the new one grows. A blister should not be punctured save in this
+manner, as it may degenerate into a sore and become very troublesome.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHILBLAINS.</b></div>
+
+<p>To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules:
+1. Avoid getting the feet wet; if they become so, change the shoes and
+stockings at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never
+under any circumstances "toast your toes" before the fire, especially if
+you are very cold. Frequent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of
+alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains. On the first
+indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would
+be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a
+little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in
+camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and
+retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily
+with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, with half the
+quantity in weight of oil of turpentine.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>THE TOE NAILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-nails, but they should
+be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight. They are much
+more subject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span>their confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at the
+sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint introduced
+beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the nail itself scraped
+longitudinally.</p>
+
+<p>Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers. Keep them a
+moderate length&mdash;long enough to protect the toe, but not so long as to
+cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is
+too frequently the practice. Be careful not to destroy the spongy
+substance below the nails, as that is the great guard to prevent them
+going into the quick.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CORNS.</b></div>
+
+<p>It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose, easy-fitting
+shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns. Some people are more
+liable to corns than others, and some will persist in the use of
+tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO HAVE SHOES MADE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too
+narrow. If one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should
+go to the shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of
+paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact
+size of his foot, and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad
+as this outlined foot.</p>
+
+<p>Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet
+have been the high, narrow heels so <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span>much worn lately. They make it
+difficult to walk, and even in some cases permanently cripple the feet.
+A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole and a heel of
+moderate height, say one-half an inch, as broad at the bottom as at the
+top.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 213px;">
+<img src="images/illus-376.png" width="213" height="300" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>Toilet Recipes.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE FRECKLES.</b></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 115px;">
+<img src="images/b.png" width="115" height="300" alt="B" title="B" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>RUISE</b></big> and squeeze the juice out of common chick-weed, and to this juice
+add three times its quantity of soft water. Bathe the skin with this for
+five or ten minutes morning and evening, and wash afterwards with clean
+water.<br /></div>
+
+<p>Elder flowers treated and applied exactly in the same manner as above.
+When the flowers are not to be had, the distilled water from them, which
+may be procured from any druggist, will answer the purpose.</p>
+
+<p>A good freckle lotion is made of honey, one ounce, mixed with one pint
+of lukewarm water. Apply when cold.</p>
+
+<p>Carbonate of potassa, twenty grains; milk of almonds, three ounces; oil
+of sassafras, three drops. Mix and apply two or three times a day.</p>
+
+<p>One ounce of alcohol; half a dram salts tartar; one dram oil bitter
+almonds. Let stand for one day and apply every second day.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_373" id="Page_373">[Pg 373]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FOR PIMPLES ON THE FACE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Wash the face in a solution composed of one teaspoonful of carbolic acid
+to a pint of water. This is an excellent purifying lotion, and may be
+used on the most delicate skin. Be careful not to get any of it in the
+eyes as it will weaken them.</p>
+
+<p>One tablespoonful of borax to half a pint of water is an excellent
+remedy for cutaneous eruptions, canker, ringworm, etc.</p>
+
+<p>Pulverize a piece of alum the size of a walnut, dissolve it in one ounce
+of lemon juice, and add one ounce of alcohol. Apply once or twice a day.</p>
+
+<p>Mix two ounces of rose-water with one dram of sulphate of zinc. Wet the
+face gently and let it dry. Then touch the affected part with cream.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WASH FOR THE COMPLEXION.</b></div>
+
+<p>A teaspoonful of the flour of sulphur and a wine-glassful of lime-water,
+well shaken and mixed; half a wine-glass of glycerine and a wine-glass
+of rose water. Rub it on the face every night before going to bed. Shake
+well before using.</p>
+
+<p>Another prescription, used by hunters to keep away the black flies and
+mosquitoes, is said to leave the skin very clear and fair, and is as
+follows: Mix one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or
+almond oil, by heating the two together in a tin cup set in boiling
+water. Stir till completely mixed and smooth, putting in more oil if the
+compound is too thick to run <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_374" id="Page_374">[Pg 374]</a></span>easily. Rub this on the face when going to
+bed, and lay patches of soft cloth on the cheeks and forehead to keep
+the tar from rubbing off. The bed linen must be protected by cloth
+folded and thrown over the pillows.</p>
+
+<p>The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water; half an ounce of alum;
+half an ounce of sweet almonds; beat the whole together until it assumes
+the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or muslin mask, to be worn
+at night.</p>
+
+<p>Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine
+till it becomes a rich tincture. In using it pour fifteen drops into a
+glass of water, wash the face and hands and allow it to dry.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BORACIC ACID FOR SKIN DISEASES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Boracic acid has been used with great success as an external application
+in the treatment of vegetable parasitic diseases of the skin. A solution
+of a dram of the acid to an ounce of water, or as much of the acid as
+the water will take up, is found to meet the requirements of the case
+satisfactorily. The affected parts should be well bathed in the solution
+twice a day and well rubbed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO SOFTEN THE SKIN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mix half an ounce of glycerine with half an ounce of alcohol, and add
+four ounces of rose-water. Shake well together and it is ready for use.
+This is a splendid remedy for chapped hands.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_375" id="Page_375">[Pg 375]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR RINGWORM.</b></div>
+
+<p>Apply a solution of the root of common narrow-leafed dock, which belongs
+to the botanical genus of <i>Rumex</i>. Use vinegar for the solvent.</p>
+
+<p>Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a walnut, in one
+ounce of water. Apply night and morning for a couple of days, and it
+will disappear.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE SUNBURN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take two drams of borax, one dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an
+ounce of sugar-candy, and a pound of ox-gall. Mix and stir well for ten
+minutes, and stir it three or four times a fortnight. When clear and
+transparent, strain through a blotting paper and bottle for use.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO PREVENT HAIR FALLING OUT.</b></div>
+
+<p>Ammonia one ounce, rosemary one ounce, cantharides four drams,
+rose-water four ounces, glycerine one ounce. First wet the head with
+cold water, then apply the mixture, rubbing briskly.</p>
+
+<p>Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce,
+rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until it
+becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the
+hair twice a day.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take two ounces of olive oil, four ounces of good bay rum, and one dram
+of the oil of almonds; mix and shake well. This will darken the hair.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_376" id="Page_376">[Pg 376]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HAIR OILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol, and add two
+ounces of olive oil. Perfume to liking.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE POMADES FOR THE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take the marrow out of a beef shank bone, melt it in a vessel placed
+over or in boiling water, then strain and scent to liking, with ottar of
+roses or other perfume.</p>
+
+<p>Unsalted lard five ounces, olive oil two and a half ounces, castor oil
+one-quarter ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti one-quarter ounce. These
+ingredients are to be liquified over a warm bath, and when cool, perfume
+to liking.</p>
+
+<p>Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a little almond oil or sweet oil, and
+scented with ottar of roses or other mild perfume.</p>
+
+<p>A transparent hair pomade is made as follows: Take half a pint of fine
+castor oil and an ounce of white wax. Stir until it gets cool enough to
+thicken, when perfume may be stirred in; geranium, bergamot or lemon oil
+may be used.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>GERMAN METHOD OF TREATING THE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>The women of Germany have remarkably fine and luxuriant hair. The
+following is their method of managing it: About once in two or three
+weeks, boil for half an hour or more a large handful of bran in a quart
+of soft water; strain into a basin, and when tepid, rub into the water a
+little white soap. With this wash the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_377" id="Page_377">[Pg 377]</a></span>head thoroughly, using a soft
+linen cloth or towel, thoroughly dividing the hair so as to reach the
+roots. Then take the yolk of an egg, slightly beaten in a saucer, and
+with the fingers rub it into the roots of the hair. Let it remain a few
+minutes, and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in pure
+water. Rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has disappeared from
+it, then wipe and rub it dry with a towel, and comb the hair from the
+head, parting it with the fingers, then apply some soft pomatum. In
+winter it is best to do all this in a warm room.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO KEEP THE HAIR FROM TURNING GREY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take the hulls of butternuts, about four ounces, and infuse in a quart
+of water, and to this add half an ounce of copperas. Apply with a soft
+brush every two or three days. This preparation is harmless, and is far
+better than those dyes made of nitrate of silver.</p>
+
+<p>Oxide of bismuth four drams, spermaceti four drams, pure hog's lard four
+ounces. Melt the two last and add the first.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEANSE THE HAIR AND SCALP.</b></div>
+
+<p>Beat up a fresh egg and rub it well into the hair, or if more
+convenient, rub it into the hair without beating. Rub the egg in until a
+lather is formed, occasionally wetting the hands in warm water softened
+by borax. By the time a lather is formed, the scalp is clean, then rinse
+the egg all out in a basin of warm water, containing a tablespoonful of
+powdered borax: after that rinse in a basin of clean water.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_378" id="Page_378">[Pg 378]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HAIR WASH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Bay rum six ounces, aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce, bergamot
+oil six drops. Mix.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE THE HAIR GROW.</b></div>
+
+<p>If the head be perfectly bald, nothing will ever cause the hair to grow
+again. If the scalp be glossy, and no small hairs are discernible, the
+roots or follicles are dead, and can not be resuscitated. However if
+small hairs are to be seen, there is hope. Brush well, and bathe the
+bald spot three or four times a week with cold, soft water; carbonate of
+ammonia one dram, tincture of cantharides four drams, bay rum four
+ounces, castor oil two ounces. Mix well and use it every day.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SEA FOAM OR DRY SHAMPOO.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a pint of alcohol, half pint of bay rum, and half an ounce of
+spirits of ammonia, and one dram of salts tartar. Shake well together
+and it is ready for use. Pour a quantity on the head, rub well with the
+palm of the hand. It will produce a thick foam, and will cleanse the
+scalp. This is used generally by first-class barbers.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BARBER'S SHAMPOO.</b></div>
+
+<p>To one pint of warm water add half an ounce of salts tartar. Cut up very
+fine a piece of castile soap, the size of two crackers, and mix it,
+shaking the mixture well, and it is ready for use.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_379" id="Page_379">[Pg 379]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CLEANING GOLD JEWELRY.</b></div>
+
+<p>Gold ornaments may be kept bright and clean with soap and warm water,
+scrubbing them well with a soft nail brush. They may be dried in sawdust
+of box-wood. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILET BOTTLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper and let the bottle stand a
+foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not
+too hard, with the handle of a hair brush. If this is not effectual, use
+a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is almost sure to
+succeed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE BANDOLINE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Half a pint of water, rectified spirits with an equal quantity of water
+three ounces, gum tragacanth one and a half drams. Add perfume, let the
+mixture stand for a day or two and then strain.</p>
+
+<p>Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes,
+strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, corking tightly.</p>
+
+<p>Iceland moss one-fourth of an ounce, boiled in a quart of water, and a
+little rectified spirit added, so that it will keep.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE LIP-SALVE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Melt in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce
+each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and
+half an ounce of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_380" id="Page_380">[Pg 380]</a></span>oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool.
+Color red with alkanet root.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEAN KID BOOTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the composition
+may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to the kid with a
+piece of sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub dry with is the palm
+of the hand. When the kid shows symptoms of cracking, rub in a few drops
+of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with common
+blacking.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt upon them
+with a sponge or flannel; then the boot should be rubbed lightly over
+with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed
+oil, both of which require to be warmed before being mixed. Polish with
+a soft cloth.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK.</b></div>
+
+<p>Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a
+short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash
+the stained part with it and leave dry.</p>
+
+<p>Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will disappear.</p>
+
+<p>We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vitriol and other sharp
+corrosives, stain dyed garments. Some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_381" id="Page_381">[Pg 381]</a></span>times, by adding a little pearlash
+to a soap-lather and passing the silks through these, the faded color
+will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone, but
+it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE.</b></div>
+
+<p>Use flower of sulphur as a tooth powder every night, rubbing the teeth
+and gums with a rather hard toothbrush. If done after dinner, too, all
+the better. It preserves the teeth and does not communicate any smell
+whatever to the mouth.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO WHITEN LINEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may be
+removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride
+of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. The parts
+subjected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft,
+clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediately dried in the sun.</p>
+
+<p>Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK.</b></div>
+
+<p>Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one ounce of
+oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently
+with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. To remove acid stains
+from silks, apply with a soft rag, spirits of ammonia.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_382" id="Page_382">[Pg 382]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS.</b></div>
+
+<p>For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to the
+influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt are also
+good. As fast as the spots become dry, more should be rubbed on, and the
+garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. Some one of
+the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains, but a hot sun is
+necessary to render any one of them effectual.</p>
+
+<p>Scalding water will remove fruit stains. So also will hartshorn diluted
+with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several times.</p>
+
+<p>Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract
+them.</p>
+
+<p>Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, should be soaked in
+lukewarm sour milk.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR.</b></div>
+
+<p>Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate the spots with
+sweet oil or lard; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm place for
+an hour.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a number of
+hours, then rub it between the hands; it will crumble away without
+injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or
+silk goods.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_383" id="Page_383">[Pg 383]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses.
+Put the silk on a clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with
+a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and hang it
+up to dry without wringing. Iron it before it gets dry, on the wrong
+side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nicely.</p>
+
+<p>Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the
+color of most things. They should be dried in the open air and ironed
+when pretty dry.</p>
+
+<p>The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash
+black silks in; it stiffens and makes them glossy and black.</p>
+
+<p>Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in two suds and not
+rinsed in clean water.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES.</b></div>
+
+<p>If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near
+the stove, and thus had them burned, she can make them nearly as good as
+ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot, and
+then, when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the leather and
+prevents it drawing up.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR CORNS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Soak the feet for half an hour two or three nights successively in a
+pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali dissolves the
+indurated cuticle and the corn <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_384" id="Page_384">[Pg 384]</a></span>comes away, leaving a little cavity
+which, however, soon fills up.</p>
+
+<p>Corns between the toes are generally more painful than others, and are
+frequently so situated as to be almost inaccessible to the usual
+remedies. They may be cured by wetting them several times a day with
+spirits of ammonia.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>INFLAMED EYELIDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a slice of stale bread, cut as thin as possible, toast both sides
+well, but do not burn it; when cold soak it in cold water, then put it
+between a piece of old linen and apply, changing when it gets warm.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE COLD CREAM.</b></div>
+
+<p>Melt in a jar two ounces of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of sweet oil. Add perfume to suit.</p>
+
+<p>Melt together an ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of oil of sweet almonds and half a pint of rose-water.
+Beat to a paste.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE ROSE-WATER.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesia.
+With these mix twelve drops of ottar of roses. Add a quart of water, two
+ounces of alcohol, mix in a gradual manner, and filter through blotting
+paper.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_385" id="Page_385">[Pg 385]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO WASH LACES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a quart bottle and cover it over with the leg of a soft, firm
+stocking, sew it tightly above and below. Then wind the collar or lace
+smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and
+sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace, catching
+every loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in a
+pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a
+soft sponge. It must be rinsed well after the same manner in clean
+water. When the lace is clean, apply a very weak solution of gum arabic
+and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take off the lace very
+carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it between the
+white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a hurry, iron on flannel
+between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. Done up in this way, lace
+collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy
+look that they will not have otherwise.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HOW TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be worn,
+will fade in course of time; and though they matched the natural hair
+perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the
+hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark brown calico.
+Boil it until the color has well come out into the water. Then into this
+water dip the hair, and take <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_386" id="Page_386">[Pg 386]</a></span>it out and dry it. Repeat the operation
+until it shall be of the required depth of shade.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER.</b></div>
+
+<p>When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard
+against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour
+sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco or
+snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers. Before putting your
+muffs away for the summer, twirl them by the cord at the ends, so that
+every hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of
+paper where the lid fits on.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO KEEP THE HAIR IN CURL.</b></div>
+
+<p>To keep the hair in curl take a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and
+add perfumery if you like; wet the hair with this and it will keep in
+curl longer than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good
+to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and
+spirits of turpentine; keep in a stone bottle and shake before using.
+Dip blotting paper in the liquid, and place in the box with the articles
+to be preserved.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Wet the linen in soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape
+some fine chalk to powder, and rub it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_387" id="Page_387">[Pg 387]</a></span>well into the linen; lay it out
+on the grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with soft water.
+Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will
+entirely disappear.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CURE FOR IN-GROWING NAILS ON TOES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a lamp
+until it becomes very hot; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The
+effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at once be
+relieved. The operation causes very little pain if the tallow is
+perfectly heated. Perhaps a repetition may be necessary in some cases.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of winter
+green, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavendar. A little
+alkanet to color if you wish. Mix.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take equal parts of spirits hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall mixed with it
+makes it better.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the
+spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow: Then throw the linen
+into the wash.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_388" id="Page_388">[Pg 388]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE FRUIT-STAINS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Moisten the parts stained with cold water; then hold it over the smoke
+of burning brimstone, and the stain will disappear. This will remove
+iron mould also.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CLEANING SILVER.</b></div>
+
+<p>For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those
+pertaining to the toilet-table or dressing-case, there is nothing better
+than a spoonful of common whiting, carefully pounded so as to be without
+lumps, reduced to a paste with gin.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE GREASE SPOTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. Spots on
+silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over
+them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and passed over
+the paper.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE A TIGHT RING.</b></div>
+
+<p>When a ring happens to get so tight on a finger that it cannot be
+removed, a piece of string, well soaped, may be wound tightly round the
+finger, commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the ring
+is reached. Then force the end of the twine between the ring and finger,
+and as the string is unwound, the ring will be gradually forced off.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>MOSQUITOES WARDED OFF.</b></div>
+
+<p>To ward off mosquitoes, apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops
+of carbolic acid to an ounce of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_389" id="Page_389">[Pg 389]</a></span>glycerine. Mosquito bites may be
+instantly cured by touching them with the solution. Add two or three
+drops of the ottar of roses to disguise the smell. The pure, crystalized
+form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the common preparation.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LINIMENT FOR THE FACE AFTER SHAVING.</b></div>
+
+<p>One ounce of lime water, one ounce of sweet oil, one drop oil of roses,
+is a good liniment for the face after shaving. Shake well before using.
+Apply with the forefinger.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE SUNBURN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Wash thoroughly with milk of almonds, which can be obtained at the drug
+store.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO WHITEN THE FINGER NAILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take two drams of dilute sulphuric acid, one dram of the tincture of
+myrrh, four ounces of spring water, and mix in a bottle. After washing
+the hands, dip the fingers in a little of the mixture. Rings with stones
+or pearls in them should be removed before using this mixture.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE TAN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water.
+Beat it to a thick mass, spread it on the face, and let it remain a
+minute or two. Then wash off with castile soapsuds and rinse with soft
+water.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_390" id="Page_390">[Pg 390]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CURE WARTS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take a piece of raw beef steeped in vinegar for twenty-four hours, tie
+it on the part affected. Apply each night for two weeks.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR IN-GROWING TOE-NAILS.</b></div>
+
+<p>The best remedy for in-growing toe-nails is to cut a notch about the
+shape of a V in the end of the nail, about one-quarter the width of the
+nail from the in-growing side. Cut down as nearly to the quick as
+possible, and one-third the length of the nail. The pressure of the boot
+or shoe will tend to close the opening you have made in the nail, and
+this soon affords relief. Allow the in-growing portion of the nail to
+grow without cutting it, until it gets beyond the flesh.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE WRINKLES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Melt one ounce of white wax, add two ounces of juice of lily-bulbs, two
+ounces of honey, two drams of rose-water, and a drop or two of ottar of
+roses. Use it twice a day.</p>
+
+<p>Put powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently hot to melt the
+gum gently, and when it liquefies, cover over your head with a napkin,
+and hold your face over the fumes at a distance that will cause you no
+inconvenience. If it produces headache, discontinue its use.</p>
+
+<p>In washing, use warm instead of cold water.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_391" id="Page_391">[Pg 391]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR CHAPPED HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>After washing with soap, rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them
+thoroughly, by applying Indian meal or rice flour.</p>
+
+<p>Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and white
+brandy half a pint.</p>
+
+<p>Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine, and apply
+freely at night.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CURE CHILBLAINS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Two tablespoonfuls of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it
+as thick as lard. Rub the chilblains with the mixture and dry it in,
+then wrap up in linen.</p>
+
+<p>Bathe the chilblains in strong alum water, as hot as it can be borne.</p>
+
+<p>When indications of the chilblains first present themselves, take
+vinegar three ounces and camphorated spirits of wine one ounce; mix and
+rub on the parts affected.</p>
+
+<p>Bathe the feet in warm water, in which two or three handsful of common
+salt have been dissolved.</p>
+
+<p>Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>HAIR RESTORATIVE.</b></div>
+
+<p>The oil of mace one-half ounce, mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol,
+is a powerful stimulant for the hair. To apply it, pour a spoonful or
+two into a saucer, dip a stiff brush into it and brush the hair and head
+smartly.</p>
+
+<p>On bald heads, if hair will start at all, it may be stimulated by
+friction with a piece of flannel till the skin <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_392" id="Page_392">[Pg 392]</a></span>becomes red. Repeat this
+process three times a day, until the hair begins to grow, when the
+tincture may be applied but once a day, till the growth is well
+established. The head should be bathed in cold water every morning, and
+briskly brushed to bring the blood to the surface.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>WASH FOR THE TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water. Before the
+water is quite cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor. Bottle
+the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the mixture, added to half a pint
+of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution used
+daily, beautifies and preserves the teeth.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>FOE WHITENING THE HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A wine-glass of cologne and one of lemon-juice strained clear. Scrape
+two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder and mix well in a mould.
+When hard, it is fit for use, and will be found excellent for whitening
+the hands.</p>
+
+<p>Wear during the night, large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or
+oatmeal, and tied closely at the wrist. Persons who have a great deal of
+house-work to do, may keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or
+oatmeal mittens.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REDUCE THE FLESH.</b></div>
+
+<p>A strong decoction of sassafras, drank frequently, will reduce the flesh
+as rapidly as any remedy known. A strong infusion is made at the rate of
+an ounce of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_393" id="Page_393">[Pg 393]</a></span>sassafras to a quart of water. Boil it half an hour very
+slowly, and let it stand till cold, heating again if desired. Keep it
+from the air.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SMOOTH AND SOFT HANDS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A few drops of glycerine thoroughly rubbed over the hands, after washing
+them, will keep them smooth and soft.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE TINCTURE OF ROSES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take the leaves of the common rose and place, without pressing them, in
+a glass bottle, then pour some spirits of wine on them, close the bottle
+and let it stand till required for use. Its perfume is nearly equal to
+that of ottar of roses.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>SOFT CORNS.</b></div>
+
+<p>A weak solution of carbolic acid will heal soft corns between the toes.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BURNED EYEBROWS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Five grains sulphate of quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol, will,
+if applied, cause eyebrows to grow when burned off by the fire.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO RESTORE GRAY HAIR.</b></div>
+
+<p>A recipe for restoring gray hair to its natural color, said to be very
+effective when the hair is changing color, is as follows: One pint of
+water, one ounce tincture of acetate of iron, half an ounce of
+glycerine, and five grains sulphuret potassium. Mix and let the bottle
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_394" id="Page_394">[Pg 394]</a></span>stand open until the smell of the potassium has disappeared, then add a
+few drops of ottar of roses. Rub a little into the hair daily, and it
+will restore its color and benefit the health.</p>
+
+<p>Bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt, is said to restore
+gray hair in some cases. Make the solution two heaping tablespoonfuls of
+salt to a quart of boiling water, and let it stand until cold before
+using.</p>
+
+<p>A solution made of a tablespoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of
+water is also recommended, wash the head thoroughly with the solution
+and brush the hair while wet.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILKS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Make a solution of two ounces of essence of lemon, and one ounce oil of
+turpentine. Rub the silk gently with linen cloth, dipped in the
+solution.</p>
+
+<p>To remove acid stains from silk, apply spirits of ammonia with a soft
+rag.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.</b></div>
+
+<p>Dip the spotted part of the linen in clean, pure melted tallow, before
+being washed.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE DISCOLORATION BY BRUISING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water, and renew
+frequently until the pain ceases.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_395" id="Page_395">[Pg 395]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEAN KID GLOVES.</b></div>
+
+<p>Make a solution of one quart of distilled benzine with one-fourth of an
+ounce of carbonate of ammonia, one-fourth of an ounce of fluid
+chloroform, one-fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether. Pour a small
+quantity into a saucer, put on the gloves, and wash, as if washing the
+hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Rub them clean
+and as dry as possible with a clean dry cloth, and take them off and
+hang them where there is a good current of air to dry. This solution is
+also excellent for cleaning ribbons, silks, etc., and is perfectly
+harmless to the most delicate tints. Do not get near the fire when
+using, as the benzine is very inflammable.</p>
+
+<p>Washing the gloves in turpentine, the same as above, is also a good
+means of cleaning them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PERSPIRATION.</b></div>
+
+<p>To remove the unpleasant odor produced by perspiration, put two
+tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit of ammonia in a basin of water,
+and use it for bathing. It leaves the skin clear, sweet and fresh as one
+could wish. It is perfectly harmless, very cheap, and is recommended on
+the authority of an experienced physician.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO REMOVE FLESH WORMS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Flesh worms, or little black specks, which appear on the nose, may be
+removed by washing in warm water, drying with a towel, and applying a
+wash of cologne <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_396" id="Page_396">[Pg 396]</a></span>and liquor of potash, made of three ounces of the
+former to one ounce of the latter.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CHAPPED LIPS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, spermaceti half an ounce;
+melt in a glass vessel, stirring with a wooden spoon, and pour into a
+china or glass cup.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>RECIPES FOR THE CARE OF THE TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>A remedy for unsound gums, is a gargle made of one ounce of coarsely
+powdered Peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks.
+Put a teaspoonful of this into a tablespoonful of water, and gargle the
+mouth twice a day.</p>
+
+<p>The ashes of stale bread, thoroughly burned, is said to make a good
+dentifrice.</p>
+
+<p>The teeth should be carefully brushed after every meal, as a means of
+preserving a sweet breath. In addition, a small piece of licorice may be
+dissolved in the mouth, which corrects the effects of indigestion.
+Licorice has no smell, but simply corrects ill-flavored odor.</p>
+
+<p>A good way to clean teeth is to dip the brush in water, rub it over
+white castile soap, then dip it in prepared chalk, and brush the teeth
+briskly.</p>
+
+<p>To beautify the teeth, dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of
+boiling water, and before it is cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of
+camphor; bottle for use. Use a teaspoonful of this with an equal
+quantity of warm water.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_397" id="Page_397">[Pg 397]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO MAKE COLD CREAM.</b></div>
+
+<p>Five ounces oil of sweet almonds, three ounces spermaceti, half an ounce
+of white wax, and three to five drops ottar of roses. Melt together in a
+shallow dish over hot water. Strain through a piece of muslin when
+melted, and as it begins to cool, beat it with a silver spoon until cold
+and snowy white. For the hair use seven ounces of oil of almonds instead
+of five.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt, pulverize it and mix it
+well. Wash the teeth in the morning and rub them well with the powder.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>TO CLEANSE THE TEETH AND GUMS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Take an ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tablespoonfuls of honey, and
+a little green sage in very fine powder; mix them well together, and wet
+the teeth and gums with a little, twice a day.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-402.png" width="300" height="54" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_398" id="Page_398">[Pg 398]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXIV.</h2>
+
+<h3>Sports, Games, Amusements.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/t.png" width="118" height="300" alt="T" title="T" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>HERE</b></big> is a great variety of games, sports and amusements for both
+out-door and in-door entertainment, in which both sexes mingle for
+pleasure, and brief mention is here made of some of these.<br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ARCHERY.</b></div>
+
+<p>The interest that has been recently awakened in this country in archery,
+is worthy of mention. As a graceful, healthful and innocent sport, it
+has no equal among any of the games that have been introduced, where
+both sexes participate. Our young and middle aged ladies too often
+neglect out-door physical exertion, which is essential to acquiring
+strength of limbs and muscle, and a gracefulness of carriage which is
+dependent thereon. It is a mistaken idea that with youth all indulgence
+in physical recreation should cease. On the contrary, such exercises as
+are most conducive <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_399" id="Page_399">[Pg 399]</a></span>to health, and are attended with pleasure, might
+with propriety be kept up by young women as well as by young men, as a
+means of retaining strength and elasticity of the muscles; and, instead
+of weak, trembling frames and broken down constitutions, in the prime of
+life, a bright, vigorous old age would be the reward. The pursuit of
+archery is recommended to both young and old, male and female, as having
+advantages far superior to any of the out-door games and exercises, as a
+graceful and invigorating pastime, developing in ladies a strong
+constitution, perfection of sight at long range, and above all,
+imparting to the figure a graceful appearance and perfect action of the
+limbs and chest. Let the women of this country devote some of their
+spare hours to this pleasant, health-giving sport, and their reward will
+be bright, ruddy faces, elasticity of movement, and strong and vigorous
+constitutions.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>IMPLEMENTS FOR ARCHERY.</b></div>
+
+<p>For the purposes of archery, the implements required are the bow,
+arrows, targets, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm-guard or brace, a
+shooting glove or finger tip, and a scoring card.</p>
+
+<p>The bow is from five to six feet long, made of lancewood or locust.
+Spanish yew is considered the choicest, next comes the Italian, then the
+English yew; lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are used more
+than any other. In choosing a bow, get the best you can afford, it will
+prove the cheapest in the end. Men should use bows six feet long,
+pulling from forty to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_400" id="Page_400">[Pg 400]</a></span>sixty pounds, and ladies bows of five feet or
+five feet six inches in length, and pulling from twenty-five to forty
+pounds. The arrows are generally of uniform thickness throughout, and
+are made of pine; the finest grades being made of white deal, with sharp
+points of iron or brass. They are from 25 to 30 inches in length. The
+quiver belt is worn round the waist, and contains the arrows which are
+being used. The arm is protected from the blow of the string by the
+"arm-guard," a broad guard of strong leather buckled on the left wrist
+by two straps. A shooting-glove is worn on the right hand to protect the
+fingers from soreness in drawing the string of the bow.</p>
+
+<p>The target consists of a circular, thick mat of straw, from two to four
+feet in diameter, covered with canvas, painted in a series of circles.
+The inner circle is a gold color, then comes red, white, black, and the
+outer circle white. The score for a gold hit is nine; the red 7, the
+inner white 5; the black 3, and the outer white 1.</p>
+
+<p>The use of the bow and arrows, the proper manner of holding them, and
+directions for shooting are to be found in pamphlets of instruction,
+which often accompany the implements.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ARCHERY CLUBS AND PRACTICE.</b></div>
+
+<p>In many cities and villages throughout the country, clubs have been
+formed, and regular days for practice and prize shooting are appointed.
+Each member of the the club is expected to furnish his or her own
+imple<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_401" id="Page_401">[Pg 401]</a></span>ments, and to attend all the practice meetings and prize
+shootings. The clubs are about equally divided as to ladies and
+gentlemen, as both sexes participate equally in the sport. The officers
+are such as are usually chosen in all organizations, with the addition
+of a Lady Paramount, a scorer, and a Field Marshal. The lady paramount
+is the highest office of honor in the club. She is expected to act as an
+umpire or judge in all matters of dispute that may come up in the club,
+and her decisions must be regarded as final. She is also expected to do
+all in her power to further the interests of the organization. A field
+marshal has been appointed by some clubs, and his duties are to place
+the targets, measure the shooting distances, and have general
+supervision of the field on practice days. The scorer keeps a score of
+each individual member of the club.</p>
+
+<p>In meeting for practice, it is customary to have one target for every
+six, eight or ten persons, the latter number being sufficient for any
+one target. The targets are placed at any distance required, from thirty
+to one hundred yards; ladies being allowed an advantage of about
+one-fourth the distance in shooting. To beginners, a distance of from
+twenty-five to forty yards for gentlemen, and twenty to thirty for
+ladies, is sufficient, and this distance may be increased as practice is
+acquired. An equal number of ladies and gentlemen usually occupy one
+target, and each shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon,
+usually from three to six, a score being kept as the target is hit.
+After each person has shot the allotted number of arrows, it is
+re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_402" id="Page_402">[Pg 402]</a></span>garded as an "end," and a certain number of ends, as agreed upon,
+constitute a "round." For prize shooting, the National Archery
+Association has established three rounds, known as the "York Round," the
+"American Round," and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies). The "York
+Round" consists of 72 arrows at 100 yards, 48 at 80 yards, and 24 at 60
+yards. The "American Round" consists of 30 arrows, each at 60, 50 and 40
+yards respectively, and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies), 24 arrows,
+each at 50, 40 and 30 yards respectively. A captain is appointed for
+each target, who designates a target scorer, and the gentleman who makes
+the largest score, is appointed captain of the target at the succeeding
+meeting. The target scorer, at the close of the round, hands the score
+to the official scorer, who announces the result at the next meeting of
+the club. Some clubs have adopted the plan of having every alternate
+meeting for prize shooting, awarding some small token to the lady and
+gentleman who makes the highest scores.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies' costume for archery may be more brilliant than for an ordinary
+walking dress, and are usually trimmed with green and gold color, and in
+many cases a green jacket is worn. The costumes are short enough for
+convenience in movement, and made so as to give free and easy movement
+of the arms.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>LAWN-TENNIS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Amongst all games, none, perhaps can so justly lay claim to the honor of
+antiquity as tennis. The ancient<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_403" id="Page_403">[Pg 403]</a></span> Greeks played it, the Romans knew it
+as <i>pila</i>, and ever since those days, with little intermission, the game
+has been played in many European countries. After a long season of rest,
+the game has now re-appeared in all the freshness of renewed youth.
+There are many points to be said to commend tennis. Both ladies and
+gentlemen can join in the game, and often the palm will be borne off by
+the "weaker, yet fairer" sex. The exercise required to enjoy the game is
+not in any way of an exhausting character, and affords ladies a training
+in graceful and charming movements. Lawn-tennis may be played either in
+summer or winter, and in cold weather, if the ground be dry, is a very
+agreeable out-door recreation. At a croquet or garden party it is
+certainly a desideratum.</p>
+
+<p>The requisites for playing lawn-tennis, are a lawn or level surface
+about 45 by 100 feet, as the "court" upon which the playing is done is
+27 by 78 feet. A net four or five feet in height and 27 feet long,
+divides the court. A ball made of india rubber and covered with cloth,
+and a "racket" for each player are the implements needed for playing.
+The racket is used for handling the ball, and is about two feet in
+length, with net work at the outer end, by means of which the ball is
+tossed from one place to another. Rules for playing the game are
+obtained with the implements needed, which can be procured from dealers
+in such lines of goods.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_404" id="Page_404">[Pg 404]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>CROQUET.</b></div>
+
+<p>The game of croquet is played by opposite parties, of one or more on a
+side, each player being provided with a mallet and her own ball which
+are distinguished by their color.</p>
+
+<p>The players in their turn place their ball a mallet's length from the
+starting stake, and strike it with the mallet, the object being to pass
+it through the first one or two hoops. The turning or upper stake must
+be struck with the ball before the player can pass her ball through the
+returning hoops, and on returning to the starting point the ball must
+hit the starting stake before the player is the winner. The one who
+passes through all the hoops and gets her ball to the starting stake
+first is the winner. We do not give the rules of the game as each
+croquet set is accompanied by a complete set of rules.</p>
+
+<p>Where four are playing, two of whom are gentlemen, one lady and
+gentleman usually play as partners. As it is the height of ill-manners
+to display any rudeness, no lady or gentleman will be so far forgetful
+as to become angry should the opposing parties be found "cheating."</p>
+
+<p>Invitations to a croquet party may be of the same form as invitations to
+any other party.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>BOATING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Where there is a sufficiently large body or stream of water to admit of
+it, boating is a very enjoyable recreation, which may be pursued by both
+ladies and gentle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_405" id="Page_405">[Pg 405]</a></span>men. There is much danger in sailing, and the proper
+management of a sail-boat requires considerable tact and experience.
+Rowing is safer, but caution should be observed in not over-loading the
+boat. A gentleman should not invite ladies to ride on the water unless
+he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat. Rowing is a healthful and
+delightful recreation, and many ladies become expert and skillful at it.
+Every gentleman should have some knowledge of rowing, as it is easily
+acquired. If a gentleman who is inexperienced in rowing, goes out with
+other gentlemen in a boat, he should refrain from any attempt to row, as
+he will only display his awkwardness, and render the ride uncomfortable
+to his companions.</p>
+
+<p>In rowing with a friend, it is polite to offer him the "stroke" oar,
+which is the post of honor.</p>
+
+<p>When two gentlemen take a party of ladies out for a row, one stands in
+the boat to steady it and offer assistance to the ladies in getting
+seated, and the other aids from the wharf.</p>
+
+<p>A lady's dress for rowing should be one which will give perfect freedom
+to her arm; a short skirt, stout boots, and hat with sufficient brim to
+protect her face from the sun.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PICNICS.</b></div>
+
+<p>While ladies and gentlemen never forget their good manners, and are
+always polite and courteous, yet at picnics they are privileged to relax
+many of the forms and ceremonies required by strict etiquette. Here men
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_406" id="Page_406">[Pg 406]</a></span>and women mingle for a day of pleasure in the woods or fields, or on
+the water, and it is the part of all who attend to do what they can for
+their own and their neighbor's enjoyment. Hence, formal introductions
+and other ceremonies need not stand in the way of enjoyment either by
+ladies or gentlemen, and at the same time no act of rudeness should
+occur to mar the pleasure of the occasion. It is the duty of gentlemen
+to do all they can to make the occasion enjoyable and even mirthful.
+They should also look to providing the means of conveyance to and from
+the spot selected for the festivities, make such arrangements as are
+necessary in the way of providing music, games, boats, and whatever else
+is needed to enhance the pleasure of the day. The ladies provide the
+luncheon or dinner, which is spread upon the grass or eaten out of their
+baskets, and at which the restraints of the table are withdrawn. At
+picnics, gentlemen become the servants as well as the escorts and guides
+of the ladies, and perform such services for ladies in the way of
+procuring flowers, carrying baskets, climbing trees, baiting their
+fish-hooks, and many other things as are requested of them.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>PRIVATE THEATRICALS.</b></div>
+
+<p>Private theatricals may be made very pleasing and instructive
+entertainments for fall or winter evenings, among either young or
+married people. They include charades, proverbs, tableaux, dramatic
+readings, and the presentation of a short dramatical piece, and may
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_407" id="Page_407">[Pg 407]</a></span>successfully be given in the parlor or drawing room. The hostess seeks
+the aid of friends in the preparation of her arrangements, and if a
+drama has been determined upon, she assigns the various parts to each.
+Her friends should aid her in her efforts by giving her all the
+assistance they can, and by willingly and good-naturedly complying with
+any request she may make, accepting the parts allotted to them, even if
+they are obscure or distasteful. They should endeavor to perform their
+part in any dramatical piece, tableau or charade as well as possible,
+and the success they achieve will determine how conspicuous a part they
+may be called upon to perform at a subsequent time. The hostess should
+consult each performer before alloting a part, and endeavor to suit each
+one. The host or hostess should not have any conspicuous part assigned
+them, unless it is urged by all the other performers. Those who are to
+participate, should not only learn their parts, but endeavor to imbue
+themselves with the spirit of the character they personate, so as to
+afford pleasure to all who are invited to witness its performance. When
+persons have consented to participate in any such entertainment, only
+sickness or some very grave cause should prevent them from undertaking
+their part. Supper or refreshments usually follow private theatricals,
+of which both the performers and invited guests are invited to partake,
+and the remainder of the evening is spent in social intercourse.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_408" id="Page_408">[Pg 408]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><b>ETIQUETTE OF CARD PLAYING.</b></div>
+
+<p>Never urge any one who seems to be unwilling to play a game of cards.
+They may have conscientious scruples in the matter, which must be
+respected.</p>
+
+<p>If you have no scruples of conscience, it is not courteous to refuse,
+when a game cannot be made up without you.</p>
+
+<p>You may refuse to play if you do not understand the game thoroughly. If,
+however, you are urged to try, and your partner and opponents offer to
+instruct you, you may accede to their requests, for in so doing, you
+will acquire a better knowledge of the game.</p>
+
+<p>Married and elderly people take precedence over young and unmarried
+people, in a game of cards.</p>
+
+<p>It is the privilege of the host and hostess to suggest cards as a means
+of amusement for the guests. The latter should never call for them.</p>
+
+<p>"Whist" is a game of cards so-called, because it requires silence and
+close attention. Therefore in playing this game, you must give your
+whole attention to the cards, and secure at least comparative silence.
+Do not suggest or keep up any conversation during a game, which will
+distract your own mind or the mind of others from the game.</p>
+
+<p>Never hurry any one who is playing. In endeavoring to play their best,
+they should take their own time, without interruption.</p>
+
+<p>Betting at cards is vulgar, partakes of the nature of gambling, and
+should at all times be avoided.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_409" id="Page_409">[Pg 409]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Never finger the cards while they are being dealt, nor take up any of
+them until all are dealt out, when you may take your own cards and
+proceed to play.</p>
+
+<p>In large assemblies it is best to furnish the cards and tables, and
+allow guests to play or not, at their option, the host and hostess
+giving their assistance in seeking for people disposed to play, and in
+making up a game. In giving card parties, new cards should be provided
+on every occasion.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus-414.png" width="300" height="294" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_410" id="Page_410">[Pg 410]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXV.</h2>
+
+<h3>The Language of Flowers.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px;">
+<img src="images/h.png" width="118" height="300" alt="H" title="H" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>OW</b></big> beautiful and yet how cheap are flowers! Not exotics, but what are
+called common flowers. A rose, for instance, is among the most beautiful
+of the smiles of nature. The "laughing flowers," exclaims the poet. But
+there is more than gayety in blooming flowers, though it takes a wise
+man to see the beauty, the love, and the adaptation of which they are
+full.<br /></div>
+
+<p>What should we think of one who had <i>invented</i> flowers, supposing that,
+before him, flowers were unknown? Would he not be regarded as the
+opener-up of a paradise of new delight? Should we not hail the inventor
+as a genius, as a god? And yet these lovely offsprings of the earth have
+been speaking to man from the first dawn of his existence until now,
+telling him of the goodness and wisdom of the Creative Power, which bid
+the earth bring forth, not only that which was useful as food, but also
+flowers, the bright consummate flowers to clothe it in beauty and joy!</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 221px;">
+<img src="images/illus-416.png" width="221" height="300" alt="FLOWERS." title="FLOWERS." />
+</div>
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Flowers">
+<tr><td align='center'><b>FLOWERS.</b></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"The meanest flower that blows, can give</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears."</span></td></tr>
+
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_411" id="Page_411">[Pg 411]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Bring one of the commonest field-flowers into a room, place it on a
+table, or chimney-piece, and you seem to have brought a ray of sunshine
+into the place. There is a cheerfulness about flowers. What a delight
+are they to the drooping invalid! They are a sweet enjoyment, coming as
+messengers from the country, and seeming to say, "Come and see the place
+where we grow, and let your heart be glad in our presence."</p>
+
+<p>There is a sentiment attached to flowers, and this sentiment has been
+expressed in language by giving names to various flowers, shrubs and
+plants. These names constitute a language, which may be made the medium
+of pleasant and amusing interchange of thought between men and women. A
+bouquet of flowers and leaves may be selected and arranged so as to
+express much depth of feeling&mdash;to be truly a poem. We present herewith a
+list of many flowers and plants, to which, by universal consent, a
+sentiment has become attached.</p>
+
+<div>
+Acacia&mdash;Concealed love.<br />
+Acacia, Rose&mdash;Friendship.<br />
+Acanthus&mdash;Arts.<br />
+Adonis Vernalis&mdash;Bitter memories.<br />
+Agnus Casus&mdash;Coldness.<br />
+Agrimony&mdash;Thankfulness.<br />
+Almond&mdash;Hope.<br />
+Aloe&mdash;Superstition.<br />
+Althea&mdash;Consumed by love.<br />
+Alyssum, Sweet&mdash;Worth beyond beauty.<br />
+Amaranth&mdash;Immortality.<br />
+Amaryllis&mdash;Splendid beauty.<br />
+Ambrosia&mdash;Love returned.<br />
+Anemone&mdash;Expectation.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_412" id="Page_412">[Pg 412]</a></span>
+Anemone, Garden&mdash;Forsaken.<br />
+Angelica&mdash;Inspiration.<br />
+Apocynum (Dogbane)&mdash;Inspiration.<br />
+Apple&mdash;Temptation.<br />
+Apple Blossom&mdash;Preference.<br />
+Arbor vit&aelig;&mdash;Unchanging friendship.<br />
+Arbutus, Trailing&mdash;Welcome.<br />
+Arum&mdash;Ardor.<br />
+Ash&mdash;Grandeur.<br />
+Ash, Mountain&mdash;Prudence.<br />
+Aspen Tree&mdash;Lamentation.<br />
+Asphodel&mdash;Regrets beyond the grave.<br />
+Aurilica&mdash;Avarice.<br />
+Azalea&mdash;Romance.<br />
+Bachelor's Button&mdash;Hope in love.<br />
+Balm&mdash;Sympathy.<br />
+Balm of Gilead&mdash;Healing.<br />
+Balsam&mdash;Impatience.<br />
+Barberry&mdash;Sharpness, satire.<br />
+Basil&mdash;Hatred.<br />
+Bay Leaf&mdash;No change till death.<br />
+Beech&mdash;Prosperity.<br />
+Bee Ophrys&mdash;Error.<br />
+Bee Orchis&mdash;Industry.<br />
+Bell Flower&mdash;Gratitude.<br />
+Belvidere, Wild (Licorice)&mdash;I declare against you.<br />
+Bilberry&mdash;Treachery.<br />
+Birch Tree&mdash;Meekness.<br />
+Black Bryony&mdash;Be my support.<br />
+Bladder-Nut Tree&mdash;Frivolous amusements.<br />
+Blue Bottle&mdash;Delicacy.<br />
+Borage&mdash;Bluntness.<br />
+Box&mdash;Constancy.<br />
+Briers&mdash;Envy.<br />
+Broken Straw&mdash;Constancy.<br />
+Broom&mdash;Neatness.<br />
+Buckbean&mdash;Calm repose.<br />
+Bugloss&mdash;Falsehood.<br />
+Burdock&mdash;Importunity.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_413" id="Page_413">[Pg 413]</a></span>
+Buttercup&mdash;Riches.<br />
+Cactus&mdash;Thou leavest me.<br />
+Calla Lilly&mdash;Feminine beauty.<br />
+Calycanthus&mdash;Benevolence.<br />
+Camelia&mdash;Pity.<br />
+Camomile&mdash;Energy in action.<br />
+Candytuft&mdash;Indifference.<br />
+Canterbury Bell&mdash;Gratitude.<br />
+Cape Jasmine Gardenia&mdash;Transport, ecstasy.<br />
+Cardinal Flower&mdash;Distinction.<br />
+Carnation, Yellow&mdash;Disdain.<br />
+Catchfly (Silene), Red&mdash;Youthful love.<br />
+Catchfly, White&mdash;I fall a victim.<br />
+Cedar&mdash;I live for thee.<br />
+Cedar of Lebanon&mdash;Incorruptible.<br />
+Celandine&mdash;Future joy.<br />
+Cherry Tree&mdash;Good education.<br />
+Chickweed&mdash;I cling to thee.<br />
+Chickory&mdash;Frugality.<br />
+China Aster&mdash;I will think of thee.<br />
+China, Pink&mdash;Aversion.<br />
+Chrysanthemum, Rose&mdash;In love.<br />
+Chrysanthemum, White&mdash;Truth.<br />
+Chrysanthemum, Yellow&mdash;Slighted love.<br />
+Cinquefoil&mdash;Beloved child.<br />
+Clematis&mdash;Artifice.<br />
+Clover, Red&mdash;Industry.<br />
+Cob&oelig;a&mdash;Gossip.<br />
+Coxcomb&mdash;Foppery.<br />
+Colchium&mdash;My best days fled.<br />
+Coltsfoot&mdash;Justice shall be done you.<br />
+Columbine&mdash;Folly.<br />
+Columbine, Purple&mdash;Resolved to win.<br />
+Columbine, Red&mdash;Anxious.<br />
+Convolvulus Major&mdash;Dead hope.<br />
+Convolvulus Minor&mdash;Uncertainty.<br />
+Corchorus&mdash;Impatience of happiness.<br />
+Coreopsis&mdash;Love at first sight.<br />
+Coriander&mdash;Hidden merit.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_414" id="Page_414">[Pg 414]</a></span>
+Corn&mdash;Riches.<br />
+Cornelian Cherry Tree&mdash;Durability.<br />
+Coronilla&mdash;Success to you.<br />
+Cowslip&mdash;Pensiveness.<br />
+Cowslip, American&mdash;My divinity.<br />
+Crocus&mdash;Cheerfulness.<br />
+Crown Imperial&mdash;Majesty.<br />
+Currants&mdash;You please me.<br />
+Cypress&mdash;Mourning.<br />
+Cypress and Marigold&mdash;Despair.<br />
+Daffodil&mdash;Chivalry.<br />
+Dahlia&mdash;Forever thine.<br />
+Daisy, Garden&mdash;I share your feelings.<br />
+Daisy, Michaelmas&mdash;Farewell.<br />
+Daisy, Red&mdash;Beauty unknown to possessor.<br />
+Daisy, White&mdash;Innocence.<br />
+Daisy, Wild&mdash;I will think of it.<br />
+Dandelion&mdash;Coquetry.<br />
+Daphne Mezereon&mdash;I desire to please.<br />
+Daphne Odora&mdash;I would not have you otherwise.<br />
+Deadleaves&mdash;Sadness.<br />
+Diosma&mdash;Usefulness.<br />
+Dittany&mdash;Birth.<br />
+Dock&mdash;Patience.<br />
+Dodder&mdash;Meanness.<br />
+Dogwood Flowering (Cornus)&mdash;Am I indifferent to you?<br />
+Ebony&mdash;Hypocrisy.<br />
+Eglantine&mdash;I wound to heal.<br />
+Elder&mdash;Compassion.<br />
+Elm&mdash;Dignity.<br />
+Endine&mdash;Frugality.<br />
+Epig&aelig;a, Repens (Mayflower)&mdash;Budding beauty.<br />
+Eupatorium&mdash;Delay.<br />
+Evening Primrose&mdash;Inconstancy.<br />
+Evergreen&mdash;Poverty.<br />
+Everlasting (Graphalium)&mdash;Never ceasing memory.<br />
+Filbert&mdash;Reconciliation.<br />
+Fir Tree&mdash;Elevation.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_415" id="Page_415">[Pg 415]</a></span>
+Flax&mdash;I feel your kindness.<br />
+Flora's Bell&mdash;Without pretension.<br />
+Flowering Reed&mdash;Confide in heaven.<br />
+Forget-me-not&mdash;True love.<br />
+Foxglove&mdash;Insincerity.<br />
+Fraxinella&mdash;Fire.<br />
+Fritilaria (Guinea-hen Flower)&mdash;Persecution.<br />
+Furze&mdash;Anger.<br />
+Fuchsia&mdash;The ambition of my love thus plagues itself.<br />
+Fuchsia, Scarlet&mdash;Taste.<br />
+Gardenia&mdash;Transport; Ecstasy.<br />
+Gentian, Fringed&mdash;Intrinsic worth.<br />
+Geranium, Apple&mdash;Present preference.<br />
+Geranium, Ivy&mdash;Your hand for next dance.<br />
+Geranium, Nutmeg&mdash;I expect a meeting.<br />
+Geranium, Oak&mdash;Lady, deign to smile.<br />
+Geranium, Rose&mdash;Preference.<br />
+Geranium, Silver-leaf&mdash;Recall.<br />
+Gillyflower&mdash;Lasting beauty.<br />
+Gladiolus&mdash;Ready armed.<br />
+Golden Rod&mdash;Encouragement.<br />
+Gooseberry&mdash;Anticipation.<br />
+Goosefoot&mdash;Goodness.<br />
+Gorse&mdash;Endearing affection.<br />
+Grape&mdash;Charity.<br />
+Grass&mdash;Utility.<br />
+Guelder Rose (Snowball)&mdash;Winter.<br />
+Harebell&mdash;Grief.<br />
+Hawthorn&mdash;Hope.<br />
+Heart's Ease&mdash;Think of me.<br />
+Heart's Ease, Purple&mdash;You occupy my thoughts.<br />
+Hazel&mdash;Reconciliation.<br />
+Heath&mdash;Solitude.<br />
+Helenium&mdash;Tears.<br />
+Heliotrope, Peruvian&mdash;I love; devotion.<br />
+Hellebore&mdash;Scandal.<br />
+Henbane&mdash;Blemish.<br />
+Hepatica&mdash;Confidence.<br />
+Hibiscus&mdash;Delicate Beauty.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_416" id="Page_416">[Pg 416]</a></span>
+Holly&mdash;Foresight.<br />
+Hollyhock&mdash;Fruitfulness.<br />
+Hollyhock, White&mdash;Female ambition.<br />
+Honesty (Lunaria)&mdash;Sincerity.<br />
+Honeysuckle&mdash;The bond of love.<br />
+Honeysuckle, Coral&mdash;The color of my fate.<br />
+Honeysuckle, Monthly&mdash;I will not answer hastily.<br />
+Hop&mdash;Injustice.<br />
+Hornbeam&mdash;Ornament.<br />
+Horse-Chestnut&mdash;Luxury.<br />
+House-Leek&mdash;Domestic Economy.<br />
+Houstonia&mdash;Content.<br />
+Hoya (Wax Plant)&mdash;Sculpture.<br />
+Hyacinth&mdash;Jealousy.<br />
+Hyacinth, Blue&mdash;Constancy.<br />
+Hyacinth, Purple&mdash;Sorrow.<br />
+Hydrangea&mdash;Heartlessness.<br />
+Ice Plant&mdash;Your looks freeze me.<br />
+Indian Cress&mdash;Resignation.<br />
+Ipomaca&mdash;I attach myself to you.<br />
+Iris&mdash;Message.<br />
+Iris, German&mdash;Flame.<br />
+Ivy&mdash;Friendship; matrimony.<br />
+Jessamine, Cape&mdash;Transient joy.<br />
+Jessamine, White&mdash;Amiability.<br />
+Jessamine, Yellow&mdash;Grace; elegance.<br />
+Jonquil&mdash;Return my affection.<br />
+Judas-Tree&mdash;Betrayed.<br />
+Juniper&mdash;Perfect Loveliness.<br />
+Kalmia (Mountain Laurel)&mdash;Treachery.<br />
+Kennedia&mdash;Intellectual beauty.<br />
+Laburnum&mdash;Pensive Beauty.<br />
+Lady's Slipper&mdash;Capricious beauty.<br />
+Lagerstroema (Cape Myrtle)&mdash;Eloquence.<br />
+Lantana&mdash;Rigor.<br />
+Larch&mdash;Boldness.<br />
+Larkspur&mdash;Fickleness.<br />
+Laurel&mdash;Glory.<br />
+Laurestinus&mdash;I die if neglected.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_417" id="Page_417">[Pg 417]</a></span>
+Lavender&mdash;Distrust.<br />
+Lemon Blossom&mdash;Discretion.<br />
+Lettuce&mdash;Cold-hearted.<br />
+Lilac&mdash;First emotion of love.<br />
+Lilac, White&mdash;Youth.<br />
+Lily&mdash;Purity; modesty.<br />
+Lily of the Valley&mdash;Return of happiness.<br />
+Lily, Day&mdash;Coquetry.<br />
+Lily, Water&mdash;Eloquence.<br />
+Lily, Yellow&mdash;Falsehood.<br />
+Linden Tree&mdash;Conjugal love.<br />
+Live Oak&mdash;Liberty.<br />
+Liverwort&mdash;Confidence.<br />
+Locust&mdash;Affection beyond the grave.<br />
+London Pride&mdash;Frivolity.<br />
+Lotus&mdash;Forgetful of the past.<br />
+Love in a Mist&mdash;You puzzle me.<br />
+Love Lies Bleeding&mdash;Hopeless, not heartless.<br />
+Lucerne&mdash;Life.<br />
+Lungwort (Pulmonaria)&mdash;Thou art my life.<br />
+Lupine&mdash;Imagination.<br />
+Lychnis&mdash;Religious Enthusiasm.<br />
+Lythrum&mdash;Pretension.<br />
+Madder&mdash;Calumny.<br />
+Maiden's Hair&mdash;Discretion.<br />
+Magnolia, Chinese&mdash;Love of Nature.<br />
+Magnolia, Grandiflora&mdash;Peerless and Proud.<br />
+Magnolia, Swamp&mdash;Perseverance.<br />
+Mallow&mdash;Sweetness.<br />
+Mandrake&mdash;Horror.<br />
+Maple&mdash;Reserve.<br />
+Marigold&mdash;Cruelty.<br />
+Marigold, African&mdash;Vulgar-minded.<br />
+Marigold, French&mdash;Jealousy.<br />
+Marjoram&mdash;Blushes.<br />
+Marshmallow&mdash;Beneficence.<br />
+Marvel of Peru (Four o'clock)&mdash;Timidity.<br />
+Meadow Saffron&mdash;My best days gone.<br />
+Meadow Sweet&mdash;Usefulness.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_418" id="Page_418">[Pg 418]</a></span>
+Mignonette&mdash;Your qualities surpass your charms.<br />
+Mimosa&mdash;Sensitiveness.<br />
+Mint&mdash;Virtue.<br />
+Mistletoe&mdash;I surmount all difficulties.<br />
+Mock Orange (Syringia)&mdash;Counterfeit.<br />
+Monkshood&mdash;A deadly foe is near.<br />
+Moonwort&mdash;Forgetfulness.<br />
+Morning Glory&mdash;Coquetry.<br />
+Moss&mdash;Maternal love.<br />
+Motherwort&mdash;Secret Love.<br />
+Mourning Bride (Scabious)&mdash;Unfortunate attachment.<br />
+Mouse-ear Chickweed&mdash;Simplicity.<br />
+Mulberry, Black&mdash;I will not survive you.<br />
+Mulberry, White&mdash;Wisdom.<br />
+Mullein&mdash;Good nature.<br />
+Mushroom&mdash;Suspicion.<br />
+Mush Plant&mdash;Weakness.<br />
+Mustard Seed&mdash;Indifference.<br />
+Myosotis&mdash;Forget me not.<br />
+Myrtle&mdash;Love.<br />
+Narcissus&mdash;Egotism.<br />
+Nasturtium&mdash;Patriotism.<br />
+Nettle&mdash;Cruelty; Slander.<br />
+Night Blooming Cereus&mdash;Transient beauty.<br />
+Nightshade&mdash;Bitter truth.<br />
+Oak&mdash;Hospitality.<br />
+Oats&mdash;Music.<br />
+Oleander&mdash;Beware.<br />
+Orange&mdash;Generosity.<br />
+Orange Flower&mdash;Chastity.<br />
+Orchis&mdash;Beauty.<br />
+Osier&mdash;Frankness.<br />
+Osmunda&mdash;Dreams.<br />
+Pansy&mdash;Think of me.<br />
+Parsley&mdash;Entertainment.<br />
+Pasque Flower&mdash;Unpretentious.<br />
+Passion Flower&mdash;Religious Fervor.<br />
+Pea&mdash;Appointed meeting.<br />
+Pea, Everlasting&mdash;Wilt go with me?<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_419" id="Page_419">[Pg 419]</a></span>
+Pea, Sweet&mdash;Departure.<br />
+Peach Blossom&mdash;My heart is thine.<br />
+Pear Tree&mdash;Affection.<br />
+Peony&mdash;Anger.<br />
+Pennyroyal&mdash;Flee away.<br />
+Periwinkle&mdash;Sweet memories.<br />
+Persimmon&mdash;Bury me amid nature's beauties.<br />
+Petunica&mdash;Am not proud.<br />
+Pheasant's Eye&mdash;Sorrowful memories.<br />
+Phlox&mdash;Our souls united.<br />
+Pimpernel&mdash;Change.<br />
+Pine&mdash;Time.<br />
+Pine Apple&mdash;You are perfect.<br />
+Pine, Spruce&mdash;Farewell.<br />
+Pink&mdash;Pure affection.<br />
+Pink, Clove&mdash;Dignity.<br />
+Pink, Double-red&mdash;Pure, ardent love.<br />
+Pink, Indian&mdash;Aversion.<br />
+Pink, Mountain&mdash;You are aspiring.<br />
+Pink, Variegated&mdash;Refusal.<br />
+Pink, White&mdash;You are fair.<br />
+Pink, Yellow&mdash;Disdain.<br />
+Plane Tree&mdash;Genius.<br />
+Pleurisy Root (Asclopias)&mdash;Heartache cure.<br />
+Plum Tree&mdash;Keep promise.<br />
+Plum Tree, Wild&mdash;Independence.<br />
+Polyanthus&mdash;Confidence.<br />
+Poplar, Black&mdash;Courage.<br />
+Poplar, White&mdash;Time.<br />
+Poppy&mdash;Consolation.<br />
+Poppy, White&mdash;Sleep of the heart.<br />
+Pomegranate&mdash;Foolishness.<br />
+Pomegranate Flower&mdash;Elegance.<br />
+Potato&mdash;Beneficence.<br />
+Pride of China (Melia)&mdash;Dissension.<br />
+Primrose&mdash;Early youth.<br />
+Primrose, Evening&mdash;Inconstancy.<br />
+Privet&mdash;Mildness.<br />
+Pumpkin&mdash;Coarseness.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_420" id="Page_420">[Pg 420]</a></span>
+Quince&mdash;Temptation.<br />
+Ragged-robin (Lychnis)&mdash;Wit.<br />
+Ranunculus&mdash;Radiant with charms.<br />
+Reeds&mdash;Music.<br />
+Rhododendron&mdash;Agitation.<br />
+Rose&mdash;Beauty.<br />
+Rose, Austrian&mdash;Thou art all that is lovely.<br />
+Rose, Bridal&mdash;Happy love.<br />
+Rose, Burgundy&mdash;Unconscious beauty.<br />
+Rose, Cabbage&mdash;Love's Ambassador.<br />
+Rose, Campion&mdash;Only deserve my love.<br />
+Rose, Carolina&mdash;Love is dangerous.<br />
+Rose, China&mdash;Grace.<br />
+Rose, Daily&mdash;That smile I would aspire to.<br />
+Rose, Damask&mdash;Freshness.<br />
+Rose, Dog&mdash;Pleasure and pain.<br />
+Rose, Hundred Leaf&mdash;Pride.<br />
+Rose, Inermis&mdash;Ingratitude.<br />
+Rose, Maiden's Blush&mdash;If you do love me you will find me out.<br />
+Rose, Moss&mdash;Superior merit.<br />
+Rosebud, Moss&mdash;Confessed love.<br />
+Rose, Multiflora&mdash;Grace.<br />
+Rose, Musk-cluster&mdash;Charming.<br />
+Rose, Sweetbriar&mdash;Sympathy.<br />
+Rose, Tea&mdash;Always lovely.<br />
+Rose, Unique&mdash;Call me not beautiful.<br />
+Rose, White&mdash;I am worthy of you.<br />
+Rose, White (withered)&mdash;Transient impression.<br />
+Rose, Wild&mdash;Simplicity.<br />
+Rose, Yellow&mdash;Decrease of love.<br />
+Rose, York and Lancaster&mdash;War.<br />
+Roses, Garland of&mdash;Reward of Virtue.<br />
+Rosebud&mdash;Young girl.<br />
+Rosebud, White&mdash;The heart that knows not love.<br />
+Rosemary&mdash;Your presence revives me.<br />
+Rue&mdash;Disdain.<br />
+Rush&mdash;Docility.<br />
+Saffron&mdash;Excess is dangerous.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_421" id="Page_421">[Pg 421]</a></span>
+Sage&mdash;Esteem.<br />
+Sardonia&mdash;Irony.<br />
+Satin-flower (Lunaria)&mdash;Sincerity.<br />
+Scabious, Mourning Bride&mdash;Widowhood.<br />
+Sensitive Plant&mdash;Timidity.<br />
+Service Tree&mdash;Prudence.<br />
+Snapdragon&mdash;Presumption.<br />
+Snowball&mdash;Thoughts of heaven.<br />
+Snowdrop&mdash;Consolation.<br />
+Sorrel&mdash;Wit ill-timed.<br />
+Southernwood&mdash;Jesting.<br />
+Spearmint&mdash;Warm feelings.<br />
+Speedwell, Veronica&mdash;Female fidelity.<br />
+Spindle-tree&mdash;Your image is engraven on my heart.<br />
+Star of Bethlehem&mdash;Reconciliation.<br />
+Starwort, American&mdash;Welcome to a stranger.<br />
+St. John's Wort (Hypericum)&mdash;Superstition.<br />
+Stock, Ten-week&mdash;Promptitude.<br />
+Stramonium, Common&mdash;Disguise.<br />
+Strawberry&mdash;Perfect excellence.<br />
+Strawberry Tree (Arbutus)&mdash;Esteemed love.<br />
+Sumac&mdash;Splendor.<br />
+Sunflower, Dwarf&mdash;Your devout admirer.<br />
+Sunflower, Fall&mdash;Pride.<br />
+Sweet Sultan&mdash;Felicity.<br />
+Sweet William&mdash;Artifice.<br />
+Sycamore&mdash;Curiosity.<br />
+Syringia&mdash;Memory.<br />
+Tansy&mdash;I declare against you.<br />
+Teasel&mdash;Misanthropy.<br />
+Thistle&mdash;Austerity.<br />
+Thorn Apple&mdash;Deceitful charms.<br />
+Thorn, Black&mdash;Difficulty.<br />
+Thorns&mdash;Severity.<br />
+Thrift&mdash;Sympathy.<br />
+Throatwood (Pulmonaria)&mdash;Neglected beauty.<br />
+Thyme&mdash;Activity.<br />
+Tiger Flower&mdash;May pride befriend thee.<br />
+Touch me not, Balsam&mdash;Impatience.<br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_422" id="Page_422">[Pg 422]</a></span>
+Truffle&mdash;Surprise.<br />
+Trumpet Flower&mdash;Separation.<br />
+Tuberose&mdash;Dangerous pleasures.<br />
+Tulip&mdash;Declaration of love.<br />
+Tulip Tree&mdash;Rural happiness.<br />
+Tulip, Variegated&mdash;Beautiful eyes.<br />
+Tulip, Yellow&mdash;Hopeless love.<br />
+Turnip&mdash;Charity.<br />
+Valerian&mdash;Accommodating disposition.<br />
+Venus's Flytrap&mdash;Caught at last.<br />
+Venus's Looking-glass&mdash;Flattery.<br />
+Verbena&mdash;Sensibility.<br />
+Vine&mdash;Intoxicating.<br />
+Violet, Blue&mdash;Love.<br />
+Violet, White&mdash;Modesty.<br />
+Violet, Yellow&mdash;Modest worth.<br />
+Virgin's Bower&mdash;Filial love.<br />
+Wall Flower&mdash;Fidelity.<br />
+Walnut&mdash;Stratagem.<br />
+Weeping Willow&mdash;Forsaken.<br />
+Wheat&mdash;Prosperity.<br />
+Woodbine&mdash;Fraternal love.<br />
+Wood Sorrel&mdash;Joy.<br />
+Wormwood&mdash;Absence.<br />
+Yarrow&mdash;Cure for heartache.<br />
+Yew&mdash;Sorrow.<br />
+Zenn&aelig;&mdash;Absent friends.<br />
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;">
+<img src="images/illus-429.png" width="250" height="83" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_423" id="Page_423">[Pg 423]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>CHAPTER XXXVI.</h2>
+
+<h3>Precious Stones.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;">
+<img src="images/s.png" width="80" height="200" alt="S" title="S" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='intro'><br /><br /><big><b>OME</b></big> of the precious stones and gems have been given a distinct
+significance by imparting a special meaning or name to them. The
+ancients besides considered certain months sacred to the different
+stones, and some people have considered this in making birthday or
+wedding presents. Below will be found the stones regarded as sacred to
+the various months, with the meaning given to each.</div>
+
+<p>
+January&mdash;Garnet&mdash;Constancy and Fidelity.<br />
+February&mdash;Amethyst&mdash;Sincerity.<br />
+March&mdash;Bloodstone&mdash;Courage.<br />
+April&mdash;Sapphire&mdash;Repentance.<br />
+May&mdash;Emerald&mdash;Success in love.<br />
+June&mdash;Agate&mdash;Health and long life.<br />
+July&mdash;Ruby&mdash;Forgetfulness of, and exemption from vexations caused by friendship and love.<br />
+August&mdash;Sardonyx&mdash;Conjugal Fidelity.<br />
+September&mdash;Chrysolite&mdash;Freedom from evil passions and sadness of mind.<br />
+October&mdash;Opal&mdash;Hope and Faith.<br />
+November&mdash;Topaz&mdash;Fidelity and Friendship.<br />
+December&mdash;Turquoise&mdash;Prosperity.<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_424" id="Page_424">[Pg 424]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Of the precious stones not included in the above list, the language is
+given below:</p>
+
+<p>
+Diamond&mdash;Innocence.<br />
+Pearl&mdash;Purity.<br />
+Cornelian&mdash;Contented mind.<br />
+Moonstone&mdash;Protects from danger.<br />
+Heliotrope&mdash;Causing the owner to walk invisible.<br />
+</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 348px;">
+<img src="images/illus-431.png" width="348" height="400" alt="Decoration" title="Decoration" />
+</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3>
+
+<p>Punctuation normalized except where hyphenation could not be determined.</p>
+
+<p>Page 10, "LTETER" changed to "LETTER".</p>
+
+<p>Page 38, "circumstrances" changed to "circumstances". (but circumstances
+may)</p>
+
+<p>Page 52, "M." changed to "P.M." (12 P.M.)</p>
+
+<p>Page 88, "abominally" changed to "abominably". (abominably stupid)</p>
+
+<p>Page 132, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (conventional time allotted)</p>
+
+<p>Page 142, "remaned" changed to "remained". (obliged to remain)</p>
+
+<p>Page 167, "defferential" changed to "deferential". (show a deferential)</p>
+
+<p>Page 251, "acquantance" changed to "acquaintance". (upon an
+acquaintance)</p>
+
+<p>Page 261, "trivialties" changed to "trivialities". (trivialities than
+the family)</p>
+
+<p>Page 267, "wish" changed to "wishes". (wishes, but should)</p>
+
+<p>Page 286, "anniversay" changed to "anniversary". (The first anniversary)</p>
+
+<p>Page 287, "anniversay" chanted to "anniversary". (the fifth anniversary)</p>
+
+<p>Page 293, "somtimes" changed to "sometimes". (two, and sometimes)</p>
+
+<p>Page 315, "charater" changed to "character". (man's real character)</p>
+
+<p>Page 325, "comonly" changed to "commonly". (dress is what is commonly)</p>
+
+<p>Page 335, "boquet" changed to "bouquet". (wreath and bouquet.)</p>
+
+<p>Page 368, "paring" changed to "paring". (paring the toe-nails)</p>
+
+<p>Page 374, "halt" changed to "half". (half an ounce)</p>
+
+<p>Page 376, "ounce" changed to "ounces". (mix two ounces)</p>
+
+<p>Page 379, "on" changed to "an". (moss one-fourth of an ounce)</p>
+
+<p>Page 412, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (the allotted number)</p>
+
+<p>Page 413, "Frugalit ." changed to "Frugality." (Chickory&mdash;Frugality.)</p>
+
+<p>Page 417, "Valey" changed to "Valley". (Lily of the Valley)</p></div>
+
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
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@@ -0,0 +1,12782 @@
+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Our Deportment, by John H. Young
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Our Deportment
+       Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society
+
+
+Author: John H. Young
+
+
+
+Release Date: January 25, 2006  [eBook #17609]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR DEPORTMENT***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, MandM, and the Project Gutenberg
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net/)
+
+
+
+Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this
+      file which includes the original illustrations.
+      See 17609-h.htm or 17609-h.zip:
+      (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h/17609-h.htm)
+      or
+      (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h.zip)
+
+
+
+
+
+OUR DEPORTMENT
+
+Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society;
+INCLUDING
+Forms for Letters, Invitations, Etc., Etc. Also, Valuable
+Suggestions on Home Culture and Training.
+
+Compiled from the Latest Reliable Authorities,
+
+by
+
+JOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.
+
+Revised and Illustrated.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+F. B. Dickerson & Co.,
+Detroit, Mich.   St. Louis, Mo.
+Pennsylvania Publishing Co.,
+Harrisburgh, Pa.
+Union Publishing House,
+Chicago, Ill.
+1881.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+To go through this life with good manners possessed,
+Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed,
+For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal
+The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Copyrighted
+by
+Freeman B. Dickerson,
+1879 and 1881.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Preface.
+
+
+No one subject is of more importance to people generally than a
+knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society, which are
+commonly expressed by the word "Etiquette." Its necessity is felt
+wherever men and women associate together, whether in the city, village,
+or country town, at home or abroad. To acquire a thorough knowledge of
+these matters, and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease
+and self-complacency, is what people call good breeding. To display an
+ignorance of them, is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being
+ill-bred.
+
+In the compilation of this work, the object has been to present the
+usages and rules which govern the most refined American society, and to
+impart that information which will enable any one, in whatever
+circumstances of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or
+the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady, whose
+presence will be sought for, and who, by their graceful deportment will
+learn the art of being at home in any good society.
+
+The work is so arranged, that every subject is conveniently classified
+and subdivided; it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given
+subject. It has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points
+that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette, even upon matters of
+seemingly trivial importance. Upon some hitherto disputed points, those
+rules are given, which are sustained by the best authorities and
+endorsed by good sense.
+
+As the work is not the authorship of any one individual, and as no
+individual, whatever may be his acquirements, could have the presumption
+to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general, it is therefore
+only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and
+latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters,
+while such additional material has been embraced within its pages, as,
+it is hoped, will be found of benefit and interest to every American
+household.
+
+                                                               J.H.Y.
+
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Contents.
+
+
+ CHAPTER I.
+                                                                   PAGE.
+ INTRODUCTORY                                                        13
+
+
+ CHAPTER II.
+
+ MANNERS.
+
+ Good manners as an element of worldly success--Manner an index of
+ character--The true gentleman--The true lady--Importance of
+ trifles--Value of pleasing manners--Personal appearance enhanced and
+ fortunes made by pleasing manners--Politeness the outgrowth of good
+ manners                                                             20
+
+
+ CHAPTER III.
+
+ INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+ Acquaintances thus formed--Promiscuous, informal and casual
+ introductions--Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a
+ gentleman--Introduction at a ball--The manner of introduction--Introducing
+ relatives--Obligatory introductions--Salutations after
+ introduction--Introducing one's self--Letters of introduction--How they
+ are to be delivered--Duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is
+ addressed--Letters of introduction for business purposes              31
+
+
+ CHAPTER IV.
+
+ SALUTATIONS.
+
+ The salutation originally an act of worship--Its form in different
+ nations--The bow, its proper mode--Words of salutation--Manner of
+ bowing--Duties of the young to older people--How to avoid
+ recognition--Etiquette of handshaking--Kissing as a mode of
+ salutation--The kiss of friendship--The kiss of respect              42
+
+
+ CHAPTER V.
+
+ ETIQUETTE ON CALLS.
+
+ Morning calls--Evening calls--Rules for formal calls--Calls at Summer
+ resorts--Reception days--Calls made by cards--Returning the first
+ call--Calls after a betrothal takes place--Forming new acquaintance by
+ calls--The first call, by whom to be made--Calls of
+ Congratulation--Visits of condolence--Keeping an account of
+ calls--Evening visits--"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers--General
+ rules relative to calls--New Year's calls                            52
+
+
+ CHAPTER VI.
+
+ ETIQUETTE ON VISITING.
+
+ General invitations not to be accepted--The limit of a prolonged
+ visit--Duties of a visitor--Duties of the host or hostess--True
+ hospitality--Leave-taking--Invitations to guests--Forbearance with
+ children--Guests making presents--Treatment of a host's friends      69
+
+
+ CHAPTER VII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF CARDS.
+
+ Visiting and calling cards--Their size and style--Wedding cards--Leaving
+ cards in calling--Cards for mother and daughter--Cards not to be sent in
+ envelopes to return formal calls--Glazed cards not in fashion--P.P.C.
+ cards--Cards of congratulation--When sent--Leave cards in making first
+ calls of the season and after invitations--Mourning cards--Christmas and
+ Easter cards--Cards of condolence--Bridegroom's card.                 75
+
+
+ CHAPTER VIII.
+
+ CONVERSATION.
+
+ Character revealed by conversation--Importance of conversing
+ well--Children should be trained to talk well--Cultivation of the
+ memory--Importance of remembering names--How Henry Clay acquired this
+ habit--Listening--Writing down one's thoughts--Requisites for a good
+ talker--Vulgarisms--Flippancy--Sympathizing with another--Bestowing
+ compliments--Slang--Flattery--Scandal and gossip--Satire and
+ ridicule--Religion and politics to be avoided--Bestowing of
+ titles--Interrupting another while talking--Adaptability in
+ conversation--Correct use of words--Speaking one's mind--Profanity
+ --Display of knowledge--Double entendres--Impertinent questions
+ --Things to be avoided in conversation--Hobbies--Fault-finding
+ --Disputes                                                            84
+
+
+ CHAPTER IX.
+
+ DINNER PARTIES.
+
+ Dinners are entertainments for married people--Whom to invite--Forms of
+ invitations--Punctuality required--The success of a dinner party--Table
+ appointments--Proper size of a dinner party--Arrangement of guests at
+ table--Serving dinner a la Russe--Duties of servants--Serving the
+ dishes--General rules regarding dinner--Waiting on others--Monopolizing
+ conversation--Duties of hostess and host--Retiring from the table--Calls
+ required after a dinner party--Returning hospitalities--Expensive
+ dinners not the most enjoyable--Wines at dinners                     106
+
+
+ CHAPTER X.
+
+ TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Importance of acquiring good habits at the table--Table appointments for
+ breakfast, luncheon and dinner--Use of the knife and fork--Of the
+ napkin--Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness--General
+ rules on the subject                                                 123
+
+
+ CHAPTER XI.
+
+ RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS.
+
+ Morning receptions--The dress and refreshments for
+ them--Invitations--Musical matinees--Parties in the country--Five
+ o'clock teas and kettle-drums--Requisites for a successful
+ ball--Introductions at a ball--Receiving guests--The number to
+ invite--Duties of the guests--General rules to be observed at
+ balls--Some suggestions for gentlemen--Duties of an escort--Preparations
+ for a ball--The supper--An after-call required                       129
+
+
+ CHAPTER XII.
+
+ STREET ETIQUETTE.
+
+ The street manners of a lady--Forming street acquaintances--Recognizing
+ friends in the street--Saluting a lady--Passing through a crowd--The
+ first to bow--Do not lack politeness--How a lady and gentleman should
+ walk together--When to offer the lady the arm--Going up and down
+ stairs--Smoking in the streets--Carrying packages--Meeting a lady
+ acquaintance--Corner loafers--Shouting in the street--Shopping
+ etiquette--For public conveyances--Cutting acquaintances--General
+ suggestions                                                          145
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
+
+ Conduct in church--Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts--Conduct
+ in public assemblages--Remain until the performance closes--Conduct in
+ picture galleries--Behavior at charity fairs--Conduct at an artist's
+ studio                                                                157
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIV.
+
+ TRAVELING ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone--Duties of an escort--Duties
+ of a lady to her escort--Ladies should assist other ladies traveling
+ alone--The seats to be occupied in a railway car--Discretion to be used
+ in forming acquaintances in traveling                                167
+
+
+ CHAPTER XV.
+
+ RIDING AND DRIVING.
+
+ Learning to ride on horseback--The gentleman's duty as an escort in
+ riding--How to assist a lady to mount--Riding with ladies--Assisting a
+ lady to alight from a horse--Driving--The seat of honor in a
+ carriage--Trusting the driver                                        174
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVI.
+
+ COURTSHIP.
+
+ Proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies toward each other--Premature
+ declaration of love--Love at first sight--Proper manner of
+ courtship--Parents should exercise authority over daughters--An
+ acceptable suitor--Requirements for a happy marriage--Proposals of
+ marriage--A gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit--A lady's
+ refusal--A doubtful answer--Unladylike conduct toward a suitor--The
+ rejected suitor--Asking consent of parents--Presents after
+ engagement--Conduct and relations of the engaged couple--Lovers'
+ quarrels--Breaking an engagement                                     179
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVII.
+
+ WEDDING ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers--The bridal costume
+ Costumes of bridegroom and ushers--Presents of the bride and
+ bridegroom--Ceremonials at church when there are no bridemaids or
+ ushers--Invitations to the ceremony alone--The latest
+ ceremonials--Weddings at home--The evening wedding--"At home"
+ receptions--Calls--The wedding ring--Marriage ceremonials of a
+ widow--Form of invitations to a reception--Duties of invited guests--Of
+ bridemaids and ushers--Bridal presents--Master of ceremonies--Wedding
+ fees--Congratulations--The bridal tour                               194
+
+
+ CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+ HOME LIFE AND ETIQUETTE.
+
+ Home the woman's kingdom--Home companionship--Conduct of husband and
+ wife--Duties of the wife to her husband--The wife a helpmate--The
+ husband's duties                                                     208
+
+
+ CHAPTER XIX.
+
+ HOME TRAINING.
+
+ First lessons learned at home--Parents should set good examples to their
+ children--Courtesies in the home circle--Early moral training of
+ children--The formation of their habits--Politeness at home--Train
+ children for some occupation--Bad temper--Selfishness--Home maxims   216
+
+
+ CHAPTER XX.
+
+ HOME CULTURE.
+
+ Cultivate moral courage--The pernicious influence of
+ indolence--Self-respect--Result of good breeding at home--Fault-finding
+ and grumbling--Family jars not to be made public--Conflicting
+ interests--Religious education--Obedience--Influence of example--The
+ influence of books                                                   225
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ WOMAN'S HIGHER EDUCATION.
+
+ Its importance--Train young women to some occupation--Education of girls
+ too superficial--An education appropriate to each sex--Knowledge of the
+ laws of health needed by women--Idleness the source of all misery--A
+ spirit of independence--Health and life dependent upon a higher
+ culture--Cultivation of the moral sense                              233
+
+ CHAPTER XXII.
+
+ THE LETTER WRITER.
+
+ Letter writing is an indication of good breeding--Requirements for
+ correct writing--Anonymous letters--Note paper to be used--Forms of
+ letters and notes--Forms of addressing notes and letters--Forms of
+ signature--Letters of introduction--When to be given--Notes of
+ invitation and replies thereto--Acceptances and regrets--Formal
+ invitations must be answered--Letters of friendship--Love
+ letters--Business letters and correspondence--Form of letter requesting
+ employment--Regarding the character of a servant--Forms for notes,
+ drafts, bills and receipts                                           242
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ GENERAL RULES TO GOVERN CONDUCT.
+
+ Attention to the young in society--Gracefulness of carriage--Attitude,
+ coughing, sneezing, etc.--Anecdotes, puns, etc.--A sweet and pure
+ breath--Smoking--A good listener--Give precedence to others--Be moderate
+ in speaking--Singing and playing in society--Receiving and making
+ presents--Governing our moods--A lady driving with a gentleman--An
+ invitation cannot be recalled--Avoid talking of personalities--Shun gossip
+ and tale bearing--Removing the hat--Intruding on privacy--Politeness
+ --Adapting yourself to others--Contradicting--A woman's good name
+ --Expressing unfavorable opinions--Vulgarities--Miscellaneous rules
+ governing conduct--Washington's maxims                               266
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+ ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+ How and when they are celebrated--The paper, cotton and leather
+ weddings--The wooden wedding--The tin wedding--The crystal wedding--The
+ silver wedding--The golden wedding--The diamond wedding--Presents at
+ anniversary weddings--Forms of invitations, etc.                     285
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXV.
+
+ BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.
+
+ Naming the child--The christening--Godparents or sponsors--Presents from
+ godparents--The ceremony--The breakfast--Christening gifts--The hero of
+ the day--Fees                                                        291
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVI
+
+ FUNERALS.
+
+ Death notices and funeral invitations--Arrangement for the funeral--The
+ house of mourning--Conducting the funeral services--The pall-bearers
+ --Order of the procession--Floral and other decorations--Calls upon the
+ bereaved family--Seclusion of the family                             296
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.
+
+ Social duties required of the President and his family--Receptions at
+ the White House--Order of official rank--Duties required of members of
+ the cabinet and their families--How to address officials--The first to
+ visit                                                                303
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+ ETIQUETTE OF FOREIGN COURTS.
+
+ Foreign titles--Royalty--The nobility--The gentry--Esquires--Imperial
+ rank--European titles--Presentation at the court of St. James--Those
+ eligible and ineligible for presentation--Preliminaries--Presentation
+ costumes                                                             308
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+ BUSINESS.
+
+ The example of a merchant prince--Keep your temper--Honesty the best
+ policy--Form good habits--Breaking an appointment--Prompt payment of
+ bills, notes and drafts--General suggestions                         315
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXX.
+
+ DRESS.
+
+ Requirements for dressing well--Perils of the love of dress to weak
+ minds--Consistency in dress--Extravagance--Indifference to
+ dress--Appropriate dress--The wearing of gloves--Evening or full dress
+ for gentlemen--Morning dress for gentlemen--Evening or full dress for
+ ladies--Ball dresses--The full dinner dress--For receiving and making
+ morning calls--Morning dress for street--Carriage dress--Promenade dress
+ and walking suit--Opera dress--The riding dress--For women of
+ business--Ordinary evening dress--For a social party--Dress for the
+ theater, lecture and concert--Archery, croquet and skating
+ costumes--Bathing dress--For traveling--The bridal costume--Dress of
+ bridemaids--At wedding receptions--Mourning dress--How long mourning
+ should be worn                                                      320
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXI.
+
+ COLORS AND THEIR HARMONY IN DRESS.
+
+ The proper arrangement of colors--The colors adapted to different
+ persons--Material for dress--Size in relation to color and dress--A list
+ of colors that harmonize                                             341
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXII.
+
+ THE TOILET.
+
+ Importance of neatness and cleanliness--Perfumes--The bath--The teeth
+ and their care--The skin--The eyes, eyelashes and brows--The hair and
+ beard--The hands and feet                                            351
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXIII.
+
+ TOILET RECIPES.
+
+ To remove freckles, pimples and sunburn--To beautify the complexion--To
+ prevent the hair falling out--Pomades and hair oils--Sea foam or dry
+ shampoo--To prevent the hair turning gray--To soften the skin--To
+ cleanse the teeth--Remedy for chapped hands--For corns and chilblains,
+ etc.                                                                 372
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXIV.
+
+ SPORTS, GAMES AND AMUSEMENTS.
+
+ Archery and its practice--Lawn Tennis--Boating--Picnics--Private
+ Theatricals--Card playing                                            398
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXV.
+
+ LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS,                                                 410
+
+
+ CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+ PRECIOUS STONES,                                                     423
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Introductory.
+
+          "Ingenious Art with her expressive face,
+           Steps forth to fashion and refine the race."--COWPER.
+
+
+A knowledge of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules
+of society at its best. These rules have been the outgrowth of centuries
+of civilization, had their foundation in friendship and love of man for
+his fellow man--the vital principles of Christianity--and are most
+powerful agents for promoting peace, harmony and good will among all
+people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized
+government. In all civilized countries the influence of the best society
+is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation, but
+in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more
+powerfully felt than in our own, "the land of the future, where mankind
+may plant, essay, and resolve all social problems." These rules make
+social intercourse more agreeable, and facilitate hospitalities, when
+all members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard
+their observance. They are to society what our laws are to the people as
+a political body, and to disregard them will give rise to constant
+misunderstandings, engender ill-will, and beget bad morals and bad
+manners.
+
+Says an eminent English writer: "On manners, refinement, rules of good
+breeding, and even the forms of etiquette, we are forever talking,
+judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and
+unwritten laws, and choosing our society and even our friends by the
+touchstone of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert expressed opinions
+which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote
+to her son: "Nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness. Men
+have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common
+good; they have made laws to restrain the wicked; they have agreed among
+themselves as to the duties of society, and have annexed an honorable
+character to the practice of those duties. He is the honest man who
+observes them with the most exactness, and the instances of them
+multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor."
+
+Originally a gentleman was defined to be one who, without any title of
+nobility, wore a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early
+colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings
+which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother
+country. Although despising titles and ignoring the rights of kings,
+they still clung to the "grand old name of gentleman." But race is no
+longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with
+learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present the
+kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the
+principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth
+combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and
+consideration of the feelings of others.
+
+Good manners are only acquired by education and observation, followed up
+by habitual practice at home and in society, and good manners reveal to
+us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not possess them, though he
+bear the highest title of nobility, cannot expect to be called a
+gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners, aspire to be
+considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are indissolubly allied,
+and no society can be good where they are bad. It is the duty of
+American women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of
+morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually
+upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.
+
+As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self-improvement
+should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve
+with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of
+social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of
+discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best
+society whose lack of education and whose rude manners will totally
+unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even
+more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may be
+considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.
+
+The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men should
+do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true
+politeness--principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to
+our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of so
+being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the man or
+woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred. The people,
+thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to make
+an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept one when
+it is made. "The noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted."
+
+In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of
+ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule,
+"Do unto others, as they do unto you," is more often put into practice
+than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of
+forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in
+spirit; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended
+to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the
+injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for
+peace.
+
+Society is divided into sets, according to their breeding. One set may
+be said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another
+more, and another enough; and between the first and last of these, there
+are more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in
+essence everywhere--at courts, in fashionable society, in literary
+circles, in domestic life--they never change, but social observances,
+customs and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.
+
+A French writer has said: "To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at
+the same time, good, just, and generous. True politeness is the outward
+visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty,
+unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index
+of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure; his
+thoughts are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is
+gentle, because his feelings, his impulses, and his training are gentle
+also. A gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He
+avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no
+attraction for him. He seeks not to say any civil things, but to do
+them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly
+regulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good
+qualities and good manners; his servants for their truthfulness and
+honesty; his occupations for their usefulness, their gracefulness or
+their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental or political."
+
+In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman, when he says:
+"A gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in
+the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of
+that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate
+sympathies--one may say, simply, 'fineness of nature.' This is, of
+course, compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness;
+in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy.
+Elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no
+touch of the boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have
+felt a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and
+behave itself like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar
+animal; but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his
+non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine
+nature--not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the
+way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way, and in his
+sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on
+points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of
+high breeding in men generally, will be their kindness and mercifulness,
+these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind."
+
+Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were
+perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth
+were kind-hearted; if, instead of contending with the faults of our
+fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs
+to guard constantly against the evil from within as well as from
+without, for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his
+own heart."
+
+A recent English writer says: "Etiquette may be defined as the minor
+morality of life. No observances, however minute, that tend to spare the
+feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialities; and
+politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil
+the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents
+supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances,
+customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some perhaps
+considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to
+one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart and from
+friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest and
+noblest ideas of what is right.
+
+Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be "the result of much good
+sense, some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of others,
+and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." Again he says:
+"Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general, but in good
+breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established
+only by custom."
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Our Manners.
+
+
+No one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element
+conducive to worldly success than civility--that feeling of kindness and
+love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet
+how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms and
+conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions,
+that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner, that mark the true
+gentleman.
+
+
+MANNERS AS AN ELEMENT OF SUCCESS.
+
+History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the
+bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which, more than any other one
+quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life. The
+success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and
+manner of the man. Though there are a few people who can look beyond the
+rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities hidden
+within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant, judge a
+person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his substantial
+character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we would but
+learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success,
+but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he who has this
+quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed
+where, without it, even men of good ability fail.
+
+A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers.
+Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes,
+while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors
+and closed hearts. Emerson says: "Give a boy address and
+accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes
+wherever he goes; he has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they
+solicit him to enter and possess."
+
+In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners
+are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that
+pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat
+on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does
+not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them,
+if he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or
+has a chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is
+guilty of any of the small incivilities of life, they will not be apt to
+make his shop a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he
+displays.
+
+A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his
+hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and that
+he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires in his
+patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his
+manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering
+that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great
+an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he
+would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the
+motto, "Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of
+courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a
+true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays
+in her manner a gentleness of spirit.
+
+
+MANNER AN INDEX OF CHARACTER.
+
+A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact,
+are minor morals; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person.
+The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a better
+index of his character than what he does or says, for it is by the
+incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks,
+tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer
+to judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner
+in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more
+than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride,
+or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness with which
+the person who has done it speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less
+likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly
+said, is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor
+may be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation,
+or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings
+than if it had been ungraciously granted.
+
+
+THE TRUE GENTLEMAN.
+
+Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must regard
+the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He
+respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to
+respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on
+no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or
+wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his
+achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what
+he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight
+and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those
+small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or
+pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize; he listens
+patiently and respectfully to other men, and, if compelled to dissent
+from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own
+views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him.
+Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with his fellows,
+and, however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease
+in his presence.
+
+
+THE TRUE LADY.
+
+Calvert says: "Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by
+culture;" giving as two requisites for the highest breeding, transmitted
+qualities and the culture of good training. He continues: "Of the higher
+type of ladyhood may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth
+Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the
+attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood
+implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady
+there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself
+with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into
+it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow
+self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are
+admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the
+refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity,
+the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech
+and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every
+legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnancy of light over
+obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains ever made are
+spiritual gains--a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal,
+of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest and most
+characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension, a growing
+out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity,
+benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of
+truthfulness."
+
+Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever the young find themselves in
+the company of those who do not make them feel at ease, they should know
+that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen, but
+of pretenders; that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the
+society of the well-bred.
+
+
+THE IMPORTANCE OF TRIFLES.
+
+Some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as
+trifles; but trifles, it must be remembered, make up the aggregate of
+human life. The petty incivilities, slight rudenesses and neglects of
+which men are guilty, without thought, or from lack of foresight or
+sympathy, are often remembered, while the great acts performed by the
+same persons are often forgotten. There is no society where smiles,
+pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more
+importance than sallies of wit, or refinements of understanding. The
+little civilities, which form the small change of life may appear
+separately of little moment, but, like the spare pennies which amount to
+such large fortunes in a lifetime, they owe their importance to
+repetition and accumulation.
+
+
+VALUE OF PLEASING MANNERS.
+
+The man who succeeds in any calling in life is almost invariably he who
+has shown a willingness to please and to be pleased, who has responded
+heartily to the advances of others, through nature and habit, while his
+rival has sniffed and frowned and snubbed away every helping hand. "The
+charming manners of the Duke of Marlborough," it is said, "often changed
+an enemy to a friend, and to be denied a favor by him was more pleasing
+than to receive one from another. It was these personal graces that made
+him both rich and great. His address was so exquisitely fascinating as
+to dissolve fierce jealousies and animosities, lull suspicion and
+beguile the subtlest diplomacy of its arts. His fascinating smile and
+winning tongue, equally with his sharp sword, swayed the destinies of
+empires." The gracious manners of Charles James Fox preserved him from
+personal dislike, even when he had gambled away his last shilling, and
+politically, was the most unpopular man in England.
+
+
+MANNERS AND PERSONAL APPEARANCE.
+
+A charming manner not only enhances personal beauty, but even hides
+ugliness and makes plainness agreeable. An ill-favored countenance is
+not necessarily a stumbling-block, at the outset, to its owner, which
+cannot be surmounted, for who does not know how much a happy manner
+often does to neutralize the ill effects of forbidding looks? The
+fascination of the demagogue Wilkes's manner triumphed over both
+physical and moral deformity, rendering even his ugliness agreeable; and
+he boasted to Lord Townsend, one of the handsomest men in Great Britain,
+that "with half an hour's start he would get ahead of his lordship in
+the affections of any woman in the kingdom." The ugliest Frenchman,
+perhaps, that ever lived was Mirabeau; yet such was the witchery of his
+manner, that the belt of no gay Lothario was hung with a greater number
+of bleeding female hearts than this "thunderer of the tribune," whose
+looks were so hideous that he was compared to a tiger pitted with the
+small-pox.
+
+
+FORTUNES MADE BY PLEASING MANNERS.
+
+Pleasing manners have made the fortunes of men in all professions and in
+every walk of life--of lawyers, doctors, clergymen, merchants, clerks
+and mechanics--and instances of this are so numerous that they may be
+recalled by almost any person. The politician who has the advantage of a
+courteous, graceful and pleasing manner finds himself an easy winner in
+the race with rival candidates, for every voter with whom he speaks
+becomes instantly his friend. Civility is to a man what beauty is to a
+woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf, while
+gruffness or coarseness excites as quick a prejudice against him. It is
+an ornament, worth more as a means of winning favor than the finest
+clothes and jewels ever worn. Lord Chesterfield said the art of pleasing
+is, in truth, the art of rising, of distinguishing one's self, of making
+a figure and a fortune in the world. Some years ago a drygoods salesman
+in a London shop had acquired such a reputation for courtesy and
+exhaustless patience, that it was said to be impossible to provoke from
+him any expression of irritability, or the smallest symptom of vexation.
+A lady of rank learning of his wonderful equanimity, determined to put
+it to the test by all the annoyances with which a veteran shop-visitor
+knows how to tease a shopman. She failed in her attempt to vex or
+irritate him, and thereupon set him up in business. He rose to eminence
+in trade, and the main spring of his later, as of his earlier career,
+was politeness. Hundreds of men, like this salesman, have owed their
+start in life wholly to their pleasing address and manners.
+
+
+CULTIVATION OF GOOD MANNERS.
+
+The cultivation of pleasing, affable manners should be an important part
+of the education of every person of whatever calling or station in life.
+Many people think that if they have only the substance, the form is of
+little consequence. But manners are a compound of spirit and
+form--spirit acted into form. The first law of good manners, which
+epitomizes all the rest is, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
+True courtesy is simply the application of this golden rule to all our
+social conduct, or, as it has been happily defined, "real kindness,
+kindly expressed." It may be met in the hut of the Arab, in the
+courtyard of the Turk, in the hovel of the freedman, and the cottage of
+the Irishman. Even Christian men sometimes fail in courtesy, deeming it
+a mark of weakness, or neglecting it from mere thoughtlessness. Yet when
+we find this added to the other virtues of the Christian, it will be
+noted that his influence for good upon others has been powerfully
+increased, for it was by this that he obtained access to the hearts of
+others. An old English writer said reverently of our Saviour: "He was
+the first true gentleman that ever lived." The influence of many good
+men would be more than doubled if they could manage to be less stiff and
+more elastic. Gentleness in society, it has been truly said, "is like
+the silent influence of light which gives color to all nature; it is far
+more powerful than loudness or force, and far more fruitful. It pushes
+its way silently and persistently like the tiniest daffodil in spring,
+which raises the clod and thrusts it aside by the simple persistence of
+growing."
+
+
+POLITENESS.
+
+Politeness is kindness of manner. This is the outgrowth of kindness of
+heart, of nobleness, and of courage. But in some persons we find an
+abundance of courage, nobleness and kindness of heart, without kindness
+of manner, and we can only think and speak of them as not only impolite,
+but even rude and gruff. Such a man was Dr. Johnson, whose rudeness
+secured for him the nickname of Ursa Major, and of whom Goldsmith
+truthfully remarked, "No man alive has a more tender heart; he has
+nothing of the bear about him but his skin." To acquire that ease and
+grace of manners which is possessed by and which distinguishes every
+well-bred person, one must think of others rather than of himself, and
+study to please them even at his own inconvenience. "Do unto others as
+you would that others should do unto you"--the golden rule of life--is
+also the law of politeness, and such politeness implies self-sacrifice,
+many struggles and conflicts. It is an art and tact, rather than an
+instinct and inspiration. An eminent divine has said: "A noble and
+attractive every-day bearing comes of goodness, of sincerity, of
+refinement. And these are bred in years, not moments. The principle that
+rules our life is the sure posture-master. Sir Philip Sidney was the
+pattern to all England of a perfect gentleman; but then he was the hero
+that, on the field of Zutphen, pushed away the cup of cold water from
+his own fevered and parched lips, and held it out to the dying soldier
+at his side." A Christian by the very conditions of his creed, and the
+obligations of his faith is, of necessity, in mind and soul--and
+therefore in word and act--a gentleman, but a man may be polite without
+being a Christian.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Introductions.
+
+
+An acquaintanceship or friendship usually begins by means of
+introductions, though it is by no means uncommon that when it has taken
+place under other circumstances--without introduction--it has been a
+great advantage to both parties; nor can it be said that it is improper
+to begin an acquaintance in this way. The formal introduction has been
+called the highway to the beginning of friendship, and the "scraped"
+acquaintance the by-path.
+
+
+PROMISCUOUS INTRODUCTION.
+
+There is a large class of people who introduce friends and acquaintances
+to everybody they meet, whether at home or abroad, while walking or
+riding out. Such promiscuous introductions are neither necessary,
+desirable, nor at all times agreeable.
+
+
+AN INTRODUCTION A SOCIAL ENDORSEMENT.
+
+It is to be remembered that an introduction is regarded as a social
+endorsement of the person introduced, and that, under certain
+circumstances, it would be wrong to introduce to our friends casual
+acquaintances, of whom we know nothing, and who may afterwards prove to
+be anything but desirable persons to know. Care should be taken,
+therefore, in introducing two individuals, that the introduction be
+mutually agreeable. Whenever it is practicable, it is best to settle the
+point by inquiring beforehand. When this is inexpedient from any cause,
+a thorough acquaintance with both parties will warrant the introducer to
+judge of the point for him or herself.
+
+
+UNIVERSAL INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+While the habit of universal introductions is a bad one, there are many
+men in cities and villages who are not at all particular whom they
+introduce to each other. As a general rule, a man should be as careful
+about the character of the person he introduces to his friends, as he is
+of him whose notes he would endorse.
+
+
+THE INTRODUCTION OF A GENTLEMAN TO A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should not be introduced to a lady, unless her permission
+has been previously obtained, and no one should ever be introduced into
+the house of a friend, except permission is first granted. Such
+introductions, however, are frequent, but they are improper, for a
+person cannot know that an introduction of this kind will be agreeable.
+If a person asks you to introduce him to another, or a gentleman asks to
+be introduced to a lady, and you find the introduction would not be
+agreeable to the other party, you may decline on the grounds that you
+are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty.
+
+When a gentleman is introduced to a lady, both bow slightly, and the
+gentleman opens conversation. It is the place of the one who is
+introduced to make the first remark.
+
+
+INFORMAL INTRODUCTION.
+
+It is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship should wait a formal
+introduction. Persons meeting at the house of a common friend may
+consider that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of
+acquaintanceship, if there appears to be a mutual inclination toward
+such acquaintanceship. The presence of a person in a friend's house is a
+sufficient guaranty for his or her respectability. Gentlemen and ladies
+may form acquaintances in traveling, on a steamboat, in a railway car,
+or a stage-coach, without the formality of an introduction. Such
+acquaintanceship should be conducted with a certain amount of reserve,
+and need not be prolonged beyond the time of casual meeting. The
+slightest approach to disrespect or familiarity should be checked by
+dignified silence. A young lady, however, is not accorded the same
+privilege of forming acquaintances as is a married or elderly lady, and
+should be careful about doing so.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
+
+It is the part of the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their
+guests, though guests may, with perfect propriety, introduce each
+other, or, as already intimated, may converse with one another without
+the ceremony of a formal introduction. A gentleman, before introducing
+his friends to ladies, should obtain permission of the latter to do so,
+unless he is perfectly sure, from his knowledge of the ladies, that the
+introductions will be agreeable. The ladies should always grant such
+permission, unless there is a strong reason for refusing. The French,
+and to some extent the English, dispense with introductions at a private
+ball. The fact that they have been invited to meet each other is
+regarded as a guaranty that they are fit to be mutually acquainted, and
+is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction. At a public ball partners
+must be introduced to each other. Special introducing may be made with
+propriety by the master of ceremonies. At public balls it is well for
+ladies to dance only, or for the most part, with gentlemen of their own
+party, or those with whom they have had a previous acquaintance.
+
+
+THE MANNER OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+The proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady,
+the younger to the older, the inferior in social standing to the
+superior. In introducing, you bow to the lady and say, "Miss C., allow
+me to introduce to you Mr. D. Mr. D., Miss C." It is the duty of Mr. D.
+upon bowing to say, "It gives me great pleasure to form your
+acquaintance, Miss C.," or a remark of this nature.
+
+If gentlemen are to be introduced to one another, the form is, "Col.
+Blank, permit me to introduce to you Mr. Cole. Mr. Cole, Col. Blank."
+The exact words of an introduction are immaterial, so long as the proper
+form and order is preserved.
+
+The word "present" is often used in place of "introduce." While it is
+customary to repeat the names of the two parties introduced at the close
+of the introduction, it is often omitted as a useless formality. It is
+of the utmost importance that each name should be spoken distinctly. If
+either of the parties does not distinctly hear the name of the other he
+should say at once, without hesitation or embarrassment, before making
+the bow, "I beg your pardon; I did not catch (or understand) the name,"
+when it may be repeated to him.
+
+If several persons are to be introduced to one individual, mention the
+name of the single individual first, and then call the others in
+succession, bowing slightly as each name is pronounced.
+
+It is the part of true politeness, after introductions, to explain to
+each person introduced something of the business or residence of each,
+as they will assist in opening conversation. Or, if one party has
+recently returned from a foreign trip, it is courteous to say so.
+
+
+CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+While it is not necessary to introduce people who chance to meet in your
+house during a morning call; yet, if there is no reason for supposing
+that such an introduction will be objectionable to either party, it
+seems better to give it, as it sets both parties at ease in
+conversation. Acquaintanceship may or may not follow such an
+introduction, at the option of the parties. People who meet at the house
+of a mutual friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances if
+they meet again elsewhere, unless they choose to do so.
+
+
+INTRODUCING RELATIVES.
+
+In introducing members of your own family, be careful not only to
+specify the degree of relationship, but to give the name also. It is
+awkward to a stranger to be introduced to "My brother Tom," or "My
+sister Carrie." When either the introducer or the introduced is a
+married lady, the name of the party introduced can only be guessed at.
+
+
+BESTOWING OF TITLES.
+
+In introducing a person give him his appropriate title. If he is a
+clergyman, say "The Rev. Mr. Clark." If a doctor of divinity, say "The
+Rev. Dr. Clark." If he is a member of Congress, call him "Honorable,"
+and specify to which branch of Congress he belongs. If he is governor of
+a State, mention what State. If he is a man of any celebrity in the
+world of art or letters, it is well to mention the fact something after
+this manner: "Mr. Fish, the artist, whose pictures you have frequently
+seen," or "Mr. Hart, author of 'Our Future State,' which you so greatly
+admired."
+
+
+OBLIGATORY INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, and
+courtesy requires the latter to cultivate the acquaintance while your
+visitor remains with you. If you are the caller introduced, you must
+show the same attention to the friend of your friend that you wish shown
+your own friends under the same circumstances. Persons meeting at public
+places need not introduce each other to the strangers who may chance to
+be with them; and, even if the introduction does take place, the
+acquaintance need not be continued unless desired.
+
+
+THE OBLIGATION OF AN INTRODUCTION.
+
+Two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain
+claims upon one another's acquaintance which should be recognized,
+unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even in that
+case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting,
+which, of itself, encourages no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person
+will meet another with a stare.
+
+
+THE SALUTATION AFTER INTRODUCTION.
+
+A slight bow is all that is required by courtesy, after an introduction.
+Shaking hands is optional, and it should rest with the older, or the
+superior in social standing to make the advances. It is often an act of
+kindness on their part, and as such to be commended. It is a common
+practice among gentlemen, when introduced to one another, to shake
+hands, and as it evinces more cordiality than a mere bow, is generally
+to be preferred. An unmarried lady should not shake hands with gentlemen
+indiscriminately.
+
+
+THE FIRST TO RECOGNIZE.
+
+It is the privilege of the lady to determine whether she will recognize
+a gentleman after an introduction, and he is bound to return the bow. In
+bowing to a lady on the street, it is not enough that a gentleman should
+touch his hat, he should lift it from his head.
+
+
+THE "CUT DIRECT."
+
+The "cut direct," which is given by a prolonged stare at a person, if
+justified at all, can only be in case of extraordinary and notoriously
+bad conduct on the part of the individual "cut," and is very seldom
+called for. If any one wishes to avoid a bowing acquaintance with
+another, it can be done by looking aside or dropping the eyes. It is an
+invariable rule of good society, that a gentleman cannot "cut" a lady
+under any circumstances, but circumstances may arise when he may be
+excused for persisting in not meeting her eyes, for if their eyes meet,
+he must bow.
+
+
+MEETING IN THE STREET.
+
+If, while walking with one friend, in the street, you meet another and
+stop a moment to speak with the latter, it is not necessary to introduce
+the two who are strangers to one another; but, when you separate, the
+friend who accompanies you gives a parting salutation, the same as
+yourself. The same rule applies if the friend you meet chances to be a
+lady.
+
+
+INTRODUCING YOURSELF.
+
+If, on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you are not recognized,
+mention your name immediately. If you know but one member of the family
+and you find others only in the room, introduce yourself to them. Unless
+this is done, much awkwardness may be occasioned.
+
+
+ABOUT SHAKING HANDS.
+
+When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, she should merely bow but not
+give her hand, unless the gentleman is a well known friend of some
+member of the family. In that case she may do so if she pleases, as a
+mark of esteem or respect. A gentleman must not offer to shake hands
+with a lady until she has made the first movement.
+
+A married lady should extend her hand upon being introduced to a
+stranger brought to her house by her husband, or by a common friend, as
+an evidence of her cordial welcome.
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+Friendly letters of introduction should only be given to personal
+friends, introducing them, and only addressed to those with whom the
+writer has a strong personal friendship. It is not only foolish, but
+positively dangerous to give such a letter to a person with whom the
+writer is but slightly acquainted, as you may thus give your countenance
+and endorsement to a person who will take advantage of your carelessness
+to bring you into embarrassing and mortifying positions. Again, you
+should never address a letter of introduction to any but an intimate
+friend of long standing, and even then it should not be done, unless you
+are perfectly satisfied that the person you are to introduce will be an
+agreeable and congenial person for your friend to meet, as it would be
+very annoying to send to your friend a visitor who would prove to him
+disagreeable. Even amongst friends of long standing such letters should
+be given very cautiously and sparingly.
+
+The form of letters of introduction is given in the chapter on
+"Letter-writing."
+
+
+DELIVERING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+It is not necessary to deliver a friendly letter of introduction to a
+person who resides in another town. It is better to send it to the
+person to whom it is directed, on your arrival, accompanied by your card
+of address. If he wishes to comply with the request of his friend he
+will call upon you, and give you an invitation to visit him;
+circumstances, however, might render it exceedingly inconvenient, or
+impossible for the person to whom the letter is addressed, to call upon
+you; consequently a neglect to call need not be considered a mark of
+ill-breeding, though by some people it is so considered. The person
+addressed must consult his own feelings in the matter, and while aiming
+to do what is right, he is not bound to sacrifice business or other
+important matters to attend to the entertainment of a friend's friend.
+In such a case he may send his own card to the address of the person
+bearing the letter of introduction, and the latter is at liberty to call
+upon him at his leisure.
+
+
+THE DUTY OF THE PERSON ADDRESSED.
+
+In Europe it is the custom for a person with a letter of introduction to
+make the first call, but in this country we think that a stranger should
+never be made to feel that he is begging our attention, and that it is
+indelicate for him to intrude until he is positive that his company
+would be agreeable. Consequently, if it is your wish and in your power
+to welcome any one recommended to you by letter from a friend, or to
+show your regard for your friend's friend, you must call upon him with
+all possible dispatch, after you receive his letter of introduction, and
+give him as hospitable a reception and entertainment as it is possible
+to give, and such as you would be pleased to receive were you in his
+place.
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION FOR BUSINESS PURPOSES.
+
+Letters of introduction to and from business men may be delivered by the
+bearers in person, and etiquette does not require the receiver to
+entertain the person introduced as a friend of the writer. It is
+entirely optional with the person to whom the latter is introduced how
+he welcomes him, or whether he entertains him or not, though his
+courtesy would be apt to suggest that some kind attentions should be
+paid him.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Salutations.
+
+
+Carlyle says: "What we call 'formulas' are not in their origin bad; they
+are indisputably good. Formula is method, habitude; found wherever man
+is found. Formulas fashion themselves as paths do, as beaten highways
+leading toward some sacred, high object, whither many men are bent.
+Consider it: One man full of heartfelt, earnest impulse finds out a way
+of doing something--were it uttering his soul's reverence for the
+Highest, _were it but of fitly saluting his fellow-man_. An inventor was
+needed to do that, a poet; he has articulated the dim, struggling
+thought that dwelt in his own and many hearts. This is the way of doing
+that. These are his footsteps, the beginning of a 'path.' And now see
+the second man travels naturally in the footsteps of his foregoer; it is
+the easiest method. In the footsteps of his foregoer, yet with his
+improvements, with changes where such seem good; at all events with
+enlargements, the path ever widening itself as more travel it, till at
+last there is a broad highway, whereon the whole world may travel and
+drive."
+
+
+SALUTATION ORIGINALLY AN ACT OF WORSHIP.
+
+A lady writer of distinction says of salutations: "It would seem that
+good manners were originally the expression of submission from the
+weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salutation is
+to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and
+signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar, date from those
+earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated
+his allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for example, the words
+'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and originally
+meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title
+of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France,
+who, as Selden has said, 'affected rather to be styled by the name of
+sire than baron, as _Le Sire de Montmorenci_ and the like.' 'Madam' or
+'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am,' and by Mrs. Gamp and her
+tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your
+highness,' _madame_ originally meaning high-born, or stately, and being
+applied only to ladies of the highest rank.
+
+"To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our hats on
+visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We
+rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our
+friend as he passes the window or drives away from our door. The
+Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays
+a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a
+chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a
+Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, an historical
+significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as
+it is from _salutatio_, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his
+patron, suggests in itself a history of manners.
+
+"To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and
+rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's courtesy is a modified
+genuflection. Rising and standing are acts of homage; and when we wave
+our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street, we are
+unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to
+stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods, solemnly moving the
+right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.'
+Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady--a custom
+evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed his iron gauntlet, the
+pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair
+_chatelaine_; and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled
+down to us as a point of etiquette."
+
+
+SALUTATIONS OF DIFFERENT NATIONS.
+
+Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is
+the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against
+yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very
+low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation.
+They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse
+him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol
+over the person's head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you
+perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low and
+inquires, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir,"
+or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in
+holiness." The German asks, "How goes it with you?" The Frenchman bows
+profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself."
+
+Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent
+kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the
+necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a
+curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against
+publicity in kissing.
+
+In England and America there are three modes of salutation--the bow, the
+handshaking and the kiss.
+
+
+THE BOW.
+
+It is said: "A bow is a note drawn at sight. You are bound to
+acknowledge it immediately, and to the full amount." It should be
+respectful, cordial, civil or familiar, according to circumstances.
+Between gentlemen, an inclination of the head, a gesture of the hand, or
+the mere touching of the hat is sufficient; but in bowing to a lady, the
+hat must be lifted from the head. If you know people slightly, you
+recognize them slightly; if you know them well, you bow with more
+familiarity. The body is not bent at all in bowing; the inclination of
+the head is all that is necessary.
+
+If the gentleman is smoking, he withdraws his cigar from his mouth
+before lifting his hat to a lady, or if he should happen to have his
+hand in his pocket he removes it.
+
+At the moment of the first meeting of the eyes of an acquaintance you
+bow. Any one who has been introduced to you, or any one to whom you have
+been introduced, is entitled to this mark of respect.
+
+The bow is the touchstone of good breeding, and to neglect it, even to
+one with whom you may have a trifling difference, shows deficiency in
+cultivation and in the instincts of refinement. A bow does not entail a
+calling acquaintance. Its entire neglect reveals the character and
+training of the person; the manner of its observance reveals the very
+shades of breeding that exist between the ill-bred and the well-bred.
+
+
+RETURNING A BOW.
+
+A gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her, whether by a
+lady or gentleman (lifting his hat not too far from his head), although
+the one bowing is an entire stranger to him.
+
+It is civility to return a bow, although you do not know the one who is
+bowing to you. Either the one who bows, knows you, or has mistaken you
+for some one else. In either case you should return the bow, and
+probably the mistake will be discovered to have occurred for want of
+quick recognition on your own part, or from some resemblance that you
+bear to another.
+
+
+THE MANNER OF BOWING.
+
+The manner in which the salutation of recognition is made, may be
+regarded as an unerring test of the breeding, training, or culture of a
+person. It should be prompt as soon as the eyes meet, whether on the
+street or in a room. The intercourse need go no further, but that bow
+must be made. There are but few laws which have better reasons for their
+observance than this. This rule holds good under all circumstances,
+whether within doors or without. Those who abstain from bowing at one
+time, and bow at another, should not be surprised to find that the
+person whom they have neglected, has avoided the continuation of their
+acquaintance.
+
+
+DUTIES OF YOUNG TO OLDER PEOPLE.
+
+Having once had an introduction that entitles to recognition, it is the
+duty of the person to recall himself or herself to the recollection of
+the older person, if there is much difference in age, by bowing each
+time of meeting, until the recognition becomes mutual. As persons
+advance in life, they look for these attentions upon the part of the
+young. Persons who have large circles of acquaintance, often confuse the
+faces of the young whom they know with the familiar faces which they
+meet and do not know, and from frequent errors of this kind, they get
+into the habit of waiting to catch some look or gesture of recognition.
+
+
+HOW TO AVOID RECOGNITION.
+
+If a person desires to avoid a bowing acquaintance with a person who has
+been properly introduced, he may do so by looking aside, or dropping the
+eyes as the person approaches, for, if the eyes meet, there is no
+alternative, bow he must.
+
+
+ON PUBLIC PROMENADES.
+
+Bowing once to a person upon a public promenade or drive is all that
+civility requires. If the person is a friend, it is in better form, the
+second and subsequent passings, should you catch his or her eye, to
+smile slightly instead of bowing repeatedly. If an acquaintance, it is
+best to avert the eyes.
+
+
+A SMILING BOW.
+
+A bow should never be accompanied by a broad smile, even when you are
+well acquainted, and yet a high authority well says: "You should never
+speak to an acquaintance without a smile in your eyes."
+
+
+DEFERENCE TO ELDERLY PEOPLE.
+
+A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady that a
+gentleman does to a lady. It may also be said that a young man should
+show proper deference to elderly gentlemen.
+
+
+WORDS OF SALUTATION.
+
+The words commonly used in saluting a person are "Good Morning," "Good
+Afternoon," "Good Evening," "How do you do" (sometimes contracted into
+"Howdy" and "How dye do,") and "How are you." The three former are most
+appropriate, as it seems somewhat absurd to ask after a person's health,
+unless you stop to receive an answer. A respectful bow should accompany
+the words.
+
+
+SHAKING HANDS.
+
+Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial
+expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it
+is not forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaintanceship has
+reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING.
+
+An authority upon this subject says: "The etiquette of handshaking is
+simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He
+has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two young ladies shake hands
+gently and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does not shake a
+gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give
+her hand; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do so seated. On
+introduction in a room, a married lady generally offers her hand; a
+young lady, not. In a ball-room, where the introduction is to dancing,
+not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an
+introduction is not followed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may
+perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the
+less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if
+it be accompanied by personal recommendation, such as, 'I want you to
+know my friend Jones,' or if Jones comes with a letter of presentation,
+then you give Jones your hand, and warmly, too. Lastly, it is the
+privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an
+inferior should never put his forward first."
+
+When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she
+should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be
+equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, and even more
+warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive
+familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such.
+
+In shaking hands, the right hand should always be offered, unless it be
+so engaged as to make it impossible, and then an excuse should be
+offered. The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart.
+
+The mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest invited
+to her house.
+
+A gentleman must not shake hands with a lady until she has made the
+first move in that direction. It is a mark of rudeness not to give his
+hand instantly, should she extend her own. A married lady should always
+extend her hand to a stranger brought to her house by a common friend,
+as an evidence of her cordial welcome. Where an introduction is for
+dancing there is no shaking of hands.
+
+
+THE KISS.
+
+This is the most affectionate form of salutation, and is only proper
+among near relations and dear friends.
+
+
+THE KISS OF FRIENDSHIP.
+
+The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead.
+In this country this act of affection is generally excluded from public
+eyes, and in the case of parents and children and near relations, it is
+perhaps unnecessarily so.
+
+
+KISSING IN PUBLIC.
+
+The custom which has become quite prevalent of women kissing each other
+whenever they meet in public, is regarded as vulgar, and by ladies of
+delicacy and refinement is entirely avoided.
+
+
+THE KISS OF RESPECT.
+
+The kiss of respect--almost obsolete in this country--is made on the
+hand. The custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most
+courtly manners in England.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Etiquette of Calls.
+
+
+There are calls of ceremony, of condolence, of congratulation and of
+friendship. All but the latter are usually of short duration. The call
+of friendship is usually of less formality and may be of some length.
+
+
+MORNING CALLS.
+
+"Morning calls," as they are termed, should not be made earlier than 12
+P.M., nor later than 5 P.M.
+
+A morning call should not exceed half an hour in length. From ten to
+twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough. If other visitors come
+in, the visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon leaving,
+bow slightly to the strangers.
+
+In making a call be careful to avoid the luncheon and dinner hour of
+your friends. From two until five is ordinarily the most convenient time
+for morning calls.
+
+
+EVENING CALLS.
+
+It is sometimes more convenient for both the caller and those called
+upon that the call should be made in the evening. An evening call should
+never be made later than nine o'clock, nor be prolonged after ten,
+neither should it exceed an hour in length.
+
+
+RULES FOR FORMAL CALLS.
+
+The lady of the house rises upon the entrance of her visitors, who at
+once advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others. If
+too many callers are present to enable her to take the lead in
+conversation, she pays special attention to the latest arrivals,
+watching to see that no one is left alone, and talking to each of her
+guests in succession, or seeing that some one is doing so.
+
+A lady who is not in her own house does not rise, either on the arrival
+or departure of ladies, unless there is some great difference of age.
+Attention to the aged is one of the marks of good breeding which is
+never neglected by the thoughtful and refined.
+
+It is not customary to introduce residents of the same city, unless the
+hostess knows that an introduction will be agreeable to both parties.
+Strangers in the place are always introduced.
+
+Ladies and gentlemen who meet in the drawing-room of a common friend are
+privileged to speak to each other without an introduction; though
+gentlemen generally prefer to ask for introductions. When introduced to
+any one, bow slightly, and enter at once into conversation. It shows a
+lack of good breeding not to do so.
+
+When introductions are given, it is the gentleman who should be
+presented to the lady; when two ladies are introduced, it is the younger
+who is presented to the older.
+
+A lady receiving gives her hand to a stranger as to a friend, when she
+wishes to bestow some mark of cordiality in welcoming a guest to her
+home, but a gentleman should not take the initiatory in handshaking. It
+is the lady's privilege to give or withhold, as she chooses.
+
+A gentleman rises when those ladies with whom he is talking rise to take
+their leave. He also rises upon the entrance of ladies, but he does not
+offer seats to those entering, unless in his own house, or unless
+requested to do so by the hostess, and then he does not offer his own
+chair if others are available.
+
+A call should not be less than fifteen minutes in duration, nor should
+it be so long as to become tedious. A bore is a person who does not know
+when you have had enough of his or her company, and gives more of it
+than is desirable. Choose a time to leave when there is a lull in the
+conversation, and the hostess is not occupied with fresh arrivals. Then
+take leave of your hostess, bowing to those you know as you leave the
+room, not to each in turn, but let one bow include all.
+
+Calls ought to be made within three days after a dinner or tea party, if
+it is a first invitation; and if not, within a week. After a party or a
+ball, whether you have accepted the invitation or not, you call within
+a week.
+
+A lady who has no regular reception day will endeavor to receive callers
+at any time. If she is occupied, she will instruct her servant to say
+that she is engaged; but a visitor once admitted into the house must be
+seen at any inconvenience.
+
+A lady should never keep a caller waiting without sending to see whether
+a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience the caller. Servants should
+be instructed to return and announce to the person waiting that the lady
+will be down immediately. Any delay whatever should be apologized for.
+
+If, on making a call, you are introduced into a room where you are
+unknown to those assembled, at once give your name and mention upon whom
+your call is made.
+
+In meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you cannot recall, frankly say
+so, if you find it necessary. Sensible persons will prefer to recall
+themselves to your memory rather than to feel that you are talking to
+them without fully recognizing them. To affect not to remember a person
+is despicable, and reflects only on the pretender.
+
+Gentlemen, as well as ladies, when making formal calls, send in but one
+card, no matter how many members of the family they may wish to see. If
+a guest is stopping at the house, the same rule is observed. If not at
+home, one card is left for the lady, and one for the guest. The card
+for the lady may be folded so as to include the family.
+
+
+RULES FOR SUMMER RESORTS.
+
+At places of summer resort, those who own their cottages, call first
+upon those who rent them, and those who rent, in turn, call upon each
+other, according to priority of arrival. In all these cases there are
+exceptions; as, where there is any great difference in ages, the younger
+then calling upon the older, if there has been a previous acquaintance
+or exchange of calls. If there has been no previous acquaintance or
+exchange of calls, the older lady pays the first call, unless she takes
+the initiative by inviting the younger to call upon her, or by sending
+her an invitation to some entertainment, which she is about to give.
+When the occupants of two villas, who have arrived the same season, meet
+at the house of a common friend, and the older of the two uses her
+privilege of inviting the other to call, it would be a positive rudeness
+not to call; and the sooner the call is made, the more civil will it be
+considered. It is equally rude, when one lady asks permission of another
+to bring a friend to call, and then neglects to do it, after permission
+has been given. If the acquaintance is not desired, the first call can
+be the last.
+
+
+CALLS MADE BY CARDS.
+
+Only calls of pure ceremony--such as are made previous to an
+entertainment on those persons who are not to be invited, and to whom
+you are indebted for any attentions--are made by handing in cards; nor
+can a call in person be returned by cards. Exceptions to this rule
+comprise P.P.C. calls, cards left or sent by persons in mourning, and
+those which announce a lady's day for receiving calls, on her return to
+town, after an absence.
+
+
+RECEPTION DAYS.
+
+Some ladies receive only on certain days or evenings, which are once a
+week, once a fortnight, or once a month as the case may be, and the time
+is duly announced by cards. When a lady has made this rule it is
+considerate, on the part of her friends, to observe it, for it is
+sometimes regarded as an intrusion to call at any other time. The reason
+of her having made this rule may have been to prevent the loss of too
+much time from her duties, in the receiving of calls from her friends.
+
+
+CALLS AFTER BETROTHAL.
+
+When a betrothal takes place and it is formally announced to the
+relatives and friends on both sides, calls of congratulation follow. The
+bridegroom that is to be, is introduced by the family of the proposed
+bride to their connections and most intimate friends, and his family in
+return introduce her to relatives and acquaintances whom they desire her
+to know. The simplest way of bringing this about is by the parents
+leaving the cards of the betrothed, with their own, upon all families on
+their visiting list whom they wish to have the betrothed pair visit.
+
+
+THE CARDS AND CALLS OF STRANGERS.
+
+Strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their
+acquaintances, bearing their direction, as an announcement that they are
+in the city. This rule is often neglected, but, unless it is observed,
+strangers may be a long time in town without their presence being known.
+
+
+RETURNING A FIRST CALL.
+
+A first call ought to be returned within three or four days. A longer
+delay than a week is considered an intimation that you are unwilling to
+accept the new acquaintance, unless some excuse for the remissness is
+made.
+
+
+FORMING ACQUAINTANCE.
+
+In an event of exchange of calls between two ladies, without meeting,
+who are known to each other only by sight, they should upon the first
+opportunity, make themselves acquainted with one another. The younger
+should seek the older, or the one who has been the recipient of the
+first attention should introduce herself, or seek an introduction, but
+it is not necessary to stand upon ceremony on such points. Ladies
+knowing each other by sight, bow, after an exchange of cards.
+
+
+THE FIRST CALL.
+
+When it becomes a question as to who shall call first, between old
+residents, the older should take the initiatory. Ladies, who have been
+in the habit of meeting for sometime without exchanging calls, sometimes
+say to each other: "I hope you will come and see me!" and often the
+answer is made: "Oh, you must come and see me first!" That answer could
+only be given, with propriety, by a lady who is much the older of the
+two. The lady who extends the invitation makes the first advance, and
+the one who receives it should at least say: "I thank you--you are very
+kind," and then accept the invitation or not, as it pleases her. It is
+the custom for residents to make the first call upon strangers.
+
+
+CALLS OF CONGRATULATION.
+
+Calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may
+have occurred in the family visited--such as a birth, marriage, or any
+piece of good fortune. Such visits may be made either similar to the
+morning or the evening call. Such visits may also be made upon the
+appointment of friends to any important office or honored position, or
+when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or
+oration.
+
+
+P.P.C. CALLS.
+
+When persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period, if
+they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by
+making formal calls, they will send to each of their friends a card with
+the letters P.P.C. written upon it. They are the initials of "Pour
+Prendre Conge"--to take leave--and may with propriety stand for
+"presents parting compliments." On returning home, it is customary that
+friends should first call upon them. A neglect to do so, unless for
+some good excuse, is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance. In
+taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you
+were paying an ordinary visit.
+
+
+VISITS OF CONDOLENCE.
+
+Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which
+occasioned them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after
+the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent in, and if
+your friends are able to receive you, your manners and conversation
+should be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is deemed
+courteous to send in a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls
+in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize
+with the afflictions of the family, and a warm, heartfelt sympathy is
+always appreciated.
+
+
+EVENING VISITS.
+
+Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted.
+They should not be frequent, even where one is intimate, nor should they
+be protracted to a great length. Frequent visits are apt to become
+tiresome to your friends or acquaintances, and long visits may entitle
+you to the appellation of "bore."
+
+If you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small
+party had assembled, unknown to you, present yourself and converse for a
+few minutes with an unembarrassed air, after which you may leave,
+pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call.
+An invitation to stay and spend the evening, given for the sake of
+courtesy, should not be accepted. If urged very strongly to remain, and
+the company is an informal gathering, you may with propriety consent to
+do so.
+
+
+KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CALLS.
+
+A person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls, and take note
+of how soon calls are returned. By doing so, an opinion can be formed as
+to how frequently visits are desired. Instances may occur, when, in
+consequence of age or ill health, calls should be made without any
+reference to their being returned. It must be remembered that nothing
+must interrupt the discharge of this duty.
+
+
+CALLS OF CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS.
+
+Among relatives and friends, calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It
+is, however, needful to make suitable calls, and to avoid staying too
+long, if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should be
+maintained among the nearest friends, and even the domestic circle.
+
+
+"ENGAGED" OR "NOT AT HOME."
+
+If a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should
+charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is
+"engaged" or "not at home." This will prove sufficient with all
+well-bred people.
+
+The servant should have her orders to say "engaged" or "not at home"
+before any one has called, so that the lady shall avoid all risk of
+being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has
+intended to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made in favor of
+any individual or individuals, mention their names specially to the
+servant, adding that you will see them if they call, but to all others
+you are "engaged."
+
+A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company,
+and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet.
+
+A well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time
+they call, or whoever they may be, but there are times when it is
+impossible to do so, and then, of course, a servant is instructed
+beforehand to say "not at home" to the visitor. If, however, the servant
+admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor, it is
+the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience
+it may be to herself.
+
+When you call upon persons, and are informed at the door that the
+parties whom you ask for are engaged, you should never insist in an
+attempt to be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements
+which they have made for their convenience, and to protect themselves
+from interruption. However intimate you may be in any house you have no
+right, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no
+exception has been made of you, to violate that exclusion, and declare
+that the party should be at home to you. There are times and seasons
+when a person desires to be left entirely alone, and at such times there
+is no friendship for which she would give up her occupation or her
+solitude.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES REGARDING CALLS.
+
+A gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in
+his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table
+or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some
+cause to set it down. In that case, place it upon the floor. An umbrella
+should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call, the hat,
+gloves, overcoat and cane may be left in the hall.
+
+A lady, in making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with
+her, without previous permission. A gentleman, however, should never
+take the same liberty.
+
+No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is
+found dressed ready to go out.
+
+A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than
+for an ordinary walk.
+
+A lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business,
+officially or professionally.
+
+Never allow young children, dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in
+a call. They often prove disagreeable and troublesome.
+
+Two persons out of one family, or at most three, are all that should
+call together.
+
+It is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to callers. In the
+country, where the caller has come from some distance, it is exceedingly
+hospitable to do so.
+
+Calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration,
+than those made in the city.
+
+A person making a call should not, while waiting for a hostess, touch an
+open piano, walk about the room examining pictures, nor handle any
+ornament in the room.
+
+If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the
+acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early
+date.
+
+Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called,
+but wait for an invitation to do so.
+
+In receiving morning calls, it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside
+any employment, not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to
+be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in
+harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much
+better employed than in absolute idleness.
+
+A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of
+unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or
+reputation or advanced age justifies it.
+
+A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman
+should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, nor in a chair in
+immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.
+
+A lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call, even though
+urged to do so. If the call be a friendly and unceremonious one, she
+may do so if she thinks proper, but not without an invitation.
+
+A gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call, unless, in
+doing so, he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused.
+
+Formal calls are generally made twice a year; but only once a year is
+binding, when no invitations have been received that require calls in
+return.
+
+In calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house, it is
+customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the
+person called upon.
+
+When a person has once risen to take leave, he should not be persuaded
+to prolong his stay.
+
+Callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune. On the
+other hand, a lady should always receive her callers, at whatever hour
+or day they come, if it is possible to do so.
+
+When a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home, it is
+civility on the part of the lady, upon the occasion of their next
+meeting, to express her regret at not seeing him. He should reciprocate
+the regret, and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly: "Oh, it made no
+particular difference," "it was of no great consequence," or words to
+that effect.
+
+After you have visited a friend at her country seat, or after receiving
+an invitation to visit her, a call is due her upon her return to her
+town residence. This is one of the occasions when a call should be made
+promptly and in person, unless you have a reason for wishing to
+discontinue the acquaintance; even then it would be more civil to take
+another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility,
+unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime.
+
+
+NEW-YEAR'S CALLS.
+
+The custom of New-Year's calling is prevalent in all cities, and most
+villages in the country, and so agreeable a custom is it, that it is
+becoming more in favor every year. This is the day when gentlemen keep
+up their acquaintanceship with ladies and families, some of whom they
+are unable to see, probably, during the whole year. Of late it has been
+customary in many cities to publish in one or more newspapers, a day or
+two before New Years, a list of the ladies who will receive calls on
+that day, and from this list gentlemen arrange their calls. For
+convenience and to add to the pleasure of the day, several ladies
+frequently unite in receiving calls at the residence of one of their
+number, but this is usually done when only one or two members of a
+family can receive. Where there are several members of a family, who can
+do so, they usually receive at their own home.
+
+Gentlemen call either singly, in couples, by threes or fours and
+sometimes even more, in carriages or on foot, as they choose. Calls
+commence about ten o'clock in the morning, and continue until about nine
+in the evening. When the gentlemen go in parties, they call upon the
+lady friends of each, and if all are not acquainted, those who are,
+introduce the others. The length of a call is usually from five to
+fifteen minutes, but it is often governed by circumstances, and may be
+prolonged to even an hour.
+
+Refreshments are usually provided for the callers, and should always be
+offered, but it is not necessary that they should be accepted. If not
+accepted, an apology should be tendered, with thanks for the offer. The
+refreshments may consist of oysters, raw or scalloped, cold meats,
+salads, fruits, cakes, sandwiches, etc., and hot tea and coffee.
+
+When callers are ushered into the reception-room, they are met by the
+ladies, when introductions are given, and the callers are invited to
+remove their overcoats, but it is optional with them whether they do so
+or not. It is also optional with them whether they remove their gloves.
+When gentlemen are introduced to ladies in making New-Year's calls, they
+are not thereby warranted in calling again upon any of these ladies,
+unless especially invited to do so. It is the lady's pleasure whether
+the acquaintance shall be maintained.
+
+In making New-Year's calls, a gentleman leaves one card, whatever may be
+the number of ladies receiving with the hostess. If there is a basket at
+the door, he leaves a card for each of the ladies at the house,
+including lady guests of the family, provided there are any. The
+New-Year's card should not differ from an ordinary calling card. It
+should be plain, with the name engraved, or printed in neat script. It
+is not now considered in good taste to have "Happy New Year" or other
+words upon it, unless it may be the residence of the gentleman, which
+may be printed or written in the right hand corner, if deemed desirable.
+A gentleman does not make calls the first New-Year's after his marriage,
+but receives at home with his wife.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+Etiquette of Visiting.
+
+
+Some of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's
+own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here given,
+and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.
+
+
+GENERAL INVITATIONS.
+
+No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do
+come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness and
+cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be
+definitely fixed and the length of time stated.
+
+A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be
+surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His
+friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full, or
+they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and other
+causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival.
+
+It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of
+giving general invitations, which really mean nothing, and be scrupulous
+to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period.
+
+
+LIMIT OF A PROLONGED VISIT.
+
+If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to
+limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of
+intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have come
+to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after arrival, so that
+the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they
+desire it, or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance.
+One never likes to ask of a guest, "How long do you intend to remain?"
+yet it is often most desirable to know.
+
+
+TRUE HOSPITALITY.
+
+Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms,
+and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have nothing better
+to give them.
+
+Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in
+empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant as possible,
+at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble
+or inconvenience they may cause you.
+
+Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the
+amusement and entertainment of your guests.
+
+
+DUTIES OF THE VISITOR.
+
+On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as possible
+to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should
+never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever
+allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.
+
+It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the
+morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own,
+without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess;
+for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be
+attended to at this portion of the day, in order to leave the balance of
+the time free for the entertainment of their guests.
+
+If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the
+knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and
+deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of
+them first.
+
+The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests
+as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to
+interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house.
+
+It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the
+entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their
+own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows the
+worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and
+seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to
+join in them or entertain him.
+
+You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are
+visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you should
+acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your best to seem
+pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.
+
+You should not accept invitations without consulting your host. You
+should not call upon the servants to do errands for you, or to wait upon
+you too much, nor keep the family up after hours of retiring.
+
+If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends, while
+partaking of their hospitality, it should never be mentioned, either
+while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of what
+redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be mutual
+between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either may be
+commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their
+faults.
+
+Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time
+never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your
+visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your friends
+incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves.
+
+Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or
+toilet around to give trouble to servants.
+
+A lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed, if few or no
+servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she
+can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional
+exertion her visit occasions.
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO GUESTS.
+
+Any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess,
+and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless
+the hostess is also invited. Invitations received by the hostess should
+include the guest. Thus, at all places of amusement and entertainment,
+guest and host may be together.
+
+
+FORBEARANCE WITH CHILDREN.
+
+A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the
+children in the household where visiting, and should put up with any of
+their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their
+part.
+
+
+GUESTS MAKING PRESENTS.
+
+If a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is
+visiting, it should be to the hostess, or if to any of the children, to
+the youngest in preference, though it is usually better to give it to
+the mother. Upon returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess,
+she expresses her thanks for the hospitality, and requests to be
+remembered to the family.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF A HOST'S FRIENDS.
+
+If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the
+friends of your host or hostess. If you do not care to be intimate with
+them, you must be careful not to show a dislike for them, or that you
+wish to avoid them. You must be exceedingly polite and agreeable to
+them, avoiding any special familiarity, and keep them at a distance
+without hurting their feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that
+you do not like any of their friends.
+
+
+LEAVE-TAKING.
+
+Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your
+visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform
+your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your
+thanks.
+
+A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend
+agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with
+his own plans, and at the same time convenient to themselves. But when
+the time for departure has been fully fixed upon, no obstacle should be
+placed in the way of leave-taking. Help him in every possible way to
+depart, at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the
+visit at some future period.
+
+          "Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest,"
+
+expresses the true spirit of hospitality.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+Visiting and Calling Cards.
+
+
+An authentic writer upon visiting cards says: "To the unrefined or
+underbred, the visiting card is but a trifling and insignificant bit of
+paper; but to the cultured disciple of social law, it conveys a subtle
+and unmistakable intelligence. Its texture, style of engraving, and even
+the hour of leaving it combine to place the stranger, whose name it
+bears, in a pleasant or a disagreeable attitude, even before his
+manners, conversation and face have been able to explain his social
+position. The higher the civilization of a community, the more careful
+it is to preserve the elegance of its social forms. It is quite as easy
+to express a perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities of cards,
+as by any other method, and perhaps, indeed, it is the safest herald of
+an introduction for a stranger. Its texture should be fine, its
+engraving a plain script, its size neither too small, so that its
+recipients shall say to themselves, 'A whimsical person,' nor too large
+to suggest ostentation. Refinement seldom touches extremes in
+anything."
+
+
+CALLING CARDS.
+
+A card used in calling should have nothing upon it but the name of the
+caller. A lady's card should not bear her place of residence; such cards
+having, of late, been appropriated by the members of the demi-monde. The
+street and number always look better upon the card of the husband than
+upon that of the wife. When necessary, they can be added in pencil on
+the cards of the wife and daughter. A business card should never be used
+for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix "Dr.," or the affix
+"M.D.," upon his card, and an army or navy officer his rank and branch
+of service.
+
+
+WEDDING CARDS.
+
+Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married
+couple desire to keep among their acquaintances, and it is then the duty
+of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple.
+
+An ancient custom, but one which has been recently revived, is for the
+friends of the bride and groom to send cards; these are of great variety
+in size and design, and resemble Christmas or Easter cards but are
+usually more artistic.
+
+
+CHRISTMAS AND EASTER CARDS.
+
+A very charming custom that is coming into vogue is the giving or
+sending of Easter and Christmas cards. These are of such elegant designs
+and variety of colors that the stationer takes great pride in
+decorating his shop windows with them; indeed some of them are so
+elegant as to resemble oil paintings. Books and other small offerings
+may accompany cards as a token of remembrance.
+
+
+CARDS TO SERVE FOR CALLS.
+
+A person may make a card serve the purpose of a call, and it may either
+be sent in an envelope, by messenger or left in person. If left in
+person, one corner should be turned down. To indicate that a call is
+made on all or several members of the family; the card for the lady of
+the house is folded in the middle. If guests are visiting at the house,
+a card is left for each guest.
+
+
+ENCLOSING A CARD IN AN ENVELOPE.
+
+To return a call made in person with a card inclosed in an envelope, is
+an intimation that visiting between the parties is ended. Those who
+leave or send their cards with no such intention, should not inclose
+them in an envelope. An exception to this rule is where they are sent in
+return to the newly married living in other cities, or in answering
+wedding cards forwarded when absent from home. P.P.C. cards are also
+sent in this way, and are the only cards that it is as yet universally
+considered admissible to send by post.
+
+
+SIZE AND STYLE OF VISITING OR CALLING CARDS.
+
+A medium sized is in better taste than a very large card for married
+persons. Cards bearing the name of the husband alone are smaller. The
+cards of unmarried men should also be small. The engraving in simple
+writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Nothing in cards can be
+more commonplace than large printed letters, be the type what it may.
+Young men should dispense with the "Mr." before their names.
+
+ [Illustration: CALLING CARDS.]
+
+
+CORNERS OF CARDS TURNED DOWN.
+
+The signification of turning down the corners of cards are:
+
+          _Visite_--The right hand upper corner.
+          _Felicitation_--The left hand upper corner.
+          _Condolence_--The left hand lower corner.
+              _P.P.C._    }
+          _To Take Leave_ } The right hand lower corner.
+          Card, right hand end turned down--_Delivered in Person._
+
+
+CARD FOR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
+
+The name of young ladies are sometimes printed or engraved on their
+mother's cards; both in script. It is, of course, allowable, for the
+daughter to have cards of her own.
+
+Some ladies have adopted the fashion of having the daughter's name on
+the same card with their own and their husband's names.
+
+
+GLAZED CARDS.
+
+Glazed cards are quite out of fashion, as are cards and note paper with
+gilt edges. The fashion in cards, however, change so often, that what is
+in style one year, may not be the next.
+
+
+P.P.C. CARDS.
+
+A card left at a farewell visit, before a long protracted absence, has
+"P.P.C." (Pour Prendre Conge) written in one corner. It is not necessary
+to deliver such cards in person, for they may be sent by a messenger, or
+by post if necessary. P.P.C. cards are not left when the absence from
+home is only for a few months, nor by persons starting in mid-summer for
+a foreign country, as residents are then supposed to be out of town.
+They are sent to or left with friends by ladies just previous to their
+contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call.
+
+
+CARDS OF CONGRATULATION.
+
+Cards of congratulation must be left in person, or a congratulatory
+note, if desired, can be made to serve instead of a call; excepting
+upon the newly married. Calls in person are due to them, and to the
+parents who have invited you to the marriage. When there has been a
+reception after the ceremony, which you have been unable to attend, but
+have sent cards by some member of your family, your cards need not again
+represent you until they have been returned, with the new residence
+announced; but a call is due to the parents or relatives who have given
+the reception. When no wedding cards are sent you, nor the card of the
+bridegroom, you cannot call without being considered intrusive. One
+month after the birth of a child the call of congratulation is made by
+acquaintances.
+
+
+LEAVE CARDS IN MAKING FIRST CALL.
+
+In making the first calls of the season (in the autumn) both ladies and
+gentlemen should leave a card each, at every house called upon, even if
+the ladies are receiving. The reason of this is that where a lady is
+receiving morning calls, it would be too great a tax upon her memory to
+oblige her to keep in mind what calls she has to return or which of them
+have been returned, and in making out lists for inviting informally, it
+is often the card-stand which is first searched for bachelors' cards, to
+meet the emergency. Young men should be careful to write their street
+and number on their cards.
+
+
+LEAVE CARDS AFTER AN INVITATION.
+
+After an invitation, cards must be left upon those who have sent it,
+whether it is accepted or not. They must be left in person, and if it
+is desired to end the acquaintance the cards can be left without
+inquiring whether the ladies are at home.
+
+Gentlemen should not expect to receive invitations from ladies with whom
+they are only on terms of formal visiting, until the yearly or autumnal
+call has been made, or until their cards have been left to represent
+themselves.
+
+
+CARDS IN MEMORIAM.
+
+These are a loving tribute to the memory of the departed; an English
+custom rapidly gaining favor with us; it announces to friends the death,
+of which they might remain in ignorance but for this mark of respect:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                       George A. Custer
+
+                Lieutenant-Colonel Seventh Cavalry,
+              Brevet Major-General United States Army,
+                     Born December 5th, 1839,
+                      Harrison County, Ohio,
+              Killed, with his entire Command, in the
+                    Battle of Little Big Horn,
+                       June 25th, 1876.
+
+             *       *       *       *       *
+
+          Oh, Custer--Gallant Custer! man fore-doomed
+          Go ride, like Rupert, spurred and waving-plumed,
+                 Into the very jaws of death.]
+
+
+CARDS OF CONDOLENCE.
+
+Cards of condolence left by mere acquaintances must be returned by
+"mourning cards" before such persons feel at liberty to make a call.
+When the bereaved are ready to receive calls (instead of the cards) of
+their acquaintances, "mourning cards" in envelopes, or otherwise, are
+returned to all those who have left their cards since the death, which
+was the occasion of the cards being left. Intimate friends, of course,
+do not wait for cards, but continue their calls, without regard to any
+ceremonious observances made for the protection of the bereaved.
+Acquaintances leaving cards should inquire after the health of the
+family, leaving the cards in person.
+
+
+MOURNING CARDS.
+
+On announcement of a death it is correct to call in person at the door;
+to make inquiries and leave your card, with lower left hand corner
+turned down. Unless close intimacy exists, it is not usage to ask to see
+the afflicted. Cards can be sent to express sympathy, but notes of
+condolence are permissible only from intimate friends.
+
+
+A BRIDEGROOM'S CARD.
+
+When only the family and the most intimate friends of a bride and
+bridegroom have been included in the invitation for the marriage, or
+where there has been no reception after the marriage at church, the
+bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (inclosed in an envelope) to
+those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting
+terms. Those who receive a card should call on the bride, within ten
+days after she has taken possession of her home. Some persons have
+received such a card as an intimation that the card was to end the
+acquaintance. This mistake shows the necessity of a better understanding
+of social customs.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+Conversation.
+
+
+The character of a person is revealed by his conversation as much as by
+any one quality he possesses, for strive as he may he cannot always be
+acting.
+
+
+IMPORTANCE OF CONVERSING WELL.
+
+To be able to converse well is an attainment which should be cultivated
+by every intelligent man and woman. It is better to be a good talker
+than a good singer or musician, because the former is more widely
+appreciated, and the company of a person who is able to talk well on a
+great variety of subjects, is much sought after. The importance,
+therefore, of cultivating the art of conversation, cannot easily be
+over-estimated. It should be the aim of all intelligent persons to
+acquire the habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all topics
+of general interest to society, so that they may both interest others
+and be themselves interested, in whatever company they may chance to be
+thrown.
+
+
+TRAINING CHILDREN.
+
+The training for this should be commenced in early childhood. Parents
+should not only encourage their children to express themselves freely
+upon everything that attracts their attention and interests them, but
+they should also incite their faculties of perception, memory and close
+observation, by requiring them to recount everything, even to its
+minutest details, that they may have observed in walking to and from
+school, or in taking a ride in a carriage or in the cars. By training a
+child to a close observation of everything he meets or passes, his mind
+becomes very active, and the habit having once been acquired, he becomes
+interested in a great variety of objects; sees more and enjoys more than
+one who has not been so trained.
+
+
+CULTIVATING THE MEMORY.
+
+A good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring the art of conversation,
+and the cultivation and training of this faculty is a matter of
+importance. Early youth is the proper time to begin this training, and
+parents and teachers should give special attention to the cultivation of
+memory. When children are taken to church, or to hear a lecture, they
+should be required to relate or to write down from memory, such a digest
+of the sermon or lecture as they can remember. Adults may also adopt
+this plan for cultivating the memory, and they will be surprised to find
+how continued practice in this will improve this faculty. The practice
+of taking notes impairs rather than aids the memory, for then a person
+relies almost entirely in the notes taken, and does not tax the memory
+sufficiently. A person should also train himself to remember the names
+of persons whom he becomes acquainted with, so as to recall them
+whenever or wherever he may subsequently meet them. It is related of a
+large wholesale boot and shoe merchant of an eastern city, that he was
+called upon one day by one of his best customers, residing in a distant
+city, whom he had frequently met, but whose name, at the time, he could
+not recall, and received his order for a large bill of goods. As he was
+about to leave, the merchant asked his name, when the customer
+indignantly replied that he supposed he was known by a man from whom he
+had purchased goods for many years, and countermanding his order, he
+left the store, deaf to all attempts at explanation. Though this may be
+an extreme case, it illustrates the importance of remembering the names
+of people when circumstances require it.
+
+
+HENRY CLAY'S MEMORY OF NAMES.
+
+One secret of Henry Clay's popularity as a politician was his faculty of
+remembering the names of persons he had met. It is said of him that if
+he was once introduced to a person, he was ever afterwards able to call
+him by name, and recount the circumstances of their first meeting. This
+faculty he cultivated after he entered upon the practice of law in
+Kentucky, and soon after he began his political life. At that time his
+memory for names was very poor, and he resolved to improve it. He
+adopted the practice, just before retiring at night, of recalling the
+names of all the persons he had met during the day, writing them in a
+note book, and repeating over the list the next morning. By this
+practice, he acquired in time, his wonderful faculty in remembering the
+names of persons he had become acquainted with.
+
+
+WRITING AS AN AID TO CORRECT TALKING.
+
+To converse correctly--to use correct language in conversation--is also
+a matter of importance, and while this can be acquired by a strict
+attention to grammatical rules, it can be greatly facilitated by the
+habit of writing down one's thoughts. In writing, strict regard is, or
+should be, paid to the correct use of language, and when a person, from
+constant writing, acquires the habit of using correct language, this
+habit will follow him in talking. A person who is accustomed to much
+writing, will always be found to use language correctly in speaking.
+
+
+REQUISITES FOR A GOOD TALKER.
+
+To be a good talker then, one should be possessed of much general
+information, acquired by keen observation, attentive listening, a good
+memory, extensive reading and study, logical habits of thought, and have
+a correct knowledge of the use of language. He should also aim at a
+clear intonation, well chosen phraseology and correct accent. These
+acquirements are within the reach of every person of ordinary ability,
+who has a determination to possess them, and the energy and perseverance
+to carry out that determination.
+
+
+VULGARISMS.
+
+In conversation, one must scrupulously guard against vulgarisms.
+Simplicity and terseness of language are the characteristics of a well
+educated and highly cultivated person. It is the uneducated or those who
+are but half educated, who use long words and high-sounding phrases. A
+hyperbolical way of speaking is mere flippancy, and should be avoided.
+Such phrases as "awfully pretty," "immensely jolly," "abominably
+stupid," "disgustingly mean," are of this nature, and should be avoided.
+Awkwardness of attitude is equally as bad as awkwardness of speech.
+Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass or watch chain
+and the like, give an air of _gaucherie_, and take off a certain
+percentage from the respect of others.
+
+
+LISTENING.
+
+The habit of listening with interest and attention is one which should
+be specially cultivated. Even if the talker is prosy and prolix, the
+well-bred person will appear interested, and at appropriate intervals
+make such remarks as shall show that he has heard and understood all
+that has been said. Some superficial people are apt to style this
+hypocrisy; but if it is, it is certainly a commendable hypocrisy,
+directly founded on that strict rule of good manners which commands us
+to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves.
+We are commanded to check our impulses, conceal our dislikes, and even
+modify our likings whenever or wherever these are liable to give
+offense or pain to others. The person who turns away with manifest
+displeasure, disgust or want of interest when another is addressing him,
+is guilty not only of an ill-bred, but a cruel act.
+
+
+FLIPPANCY.
+
+In conversation all provincialism, affectations of foreign accents,
+mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are detestable. Equally to be
+avoided are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, an undue use of
+foreign words, and anything approaching to flippancy, coarseness,
+triviality or provocation. Gentlemen sometimes address ladies in a very
+flippant manner, which the latter are obliged to pass over without
+notice, for various reasons, while inwardly they rebel. Many a worthy
+man has done himself an irreparable injury by thus creating a lasting
+prejudice in the minds of those whom he might have made his friends, had
+he addressed them as though he considered them rational beings, capable
+of sustaining their part in a conversation upon sensible subjects.
+Flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual
+smile, the wandering eye, the vacant stare, and the half-opened mouth of
+the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation.
+
+
+BE SYMPATHETIC AND ANIMATED.
+
+Do not go into society unless you make up your mind to be sympathetic,
+unselfish, animating, as well as animated. Society does not require
+mirth, but it does demand cheerfulness and unselfishness, and you must
+help to make and sustain cheerful conversation. The manner of
+conversation is as important as the matter.
+
+
+COMPLIMENTS.
+
+Compliments are said by some to be inadmissible. But between equals, or
+from those of superior position to those of inferior station,
+compliments should be not only acceptable but gratifying. It is pleasant
+to know that our friends think well of us, and it is always agreeable to
+know that we are thought well of by those who hold higher positions,
+such as men of superior talent, or women of superior culture.
+Compliments which are not sincere, are only flattery and should be
+avoided; but the saying of kind things, which is natural to the kind
+heart, and which confers pleasure, should be cultivated, at least not
+suppressed. Those parents who strive most for the best mode of training
+their children are said to have found that it is never wise to censure
+them for a fault, without preparing the way by some judicious mention of
+their good qualities.
+
+
+SLANG.
+
+All slang is vulgar. It lowers the tone of society and the standard of
+thought. It is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any manner
+witty. Only the very young or the uncultivated so consider it.
+
+
+FLATTERY.
+
+Do not be guilty of flattery. The flattery of those richer than
+ourselves or better born is vulgar, and born of rudeness, and is sure
+to be received as emanating from unworthy motives. Testify your respect,
+your admiration, and your gratitude by deeds more than words. Words are
+easy but deeds are difficult. Few will believe the former, but the
+latter will carry confirmation with them.
+
+
+SCANDAL AND GOSSIP.
+
+Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Envy
+prompts the tongue of the slanderer. Jealousy is the disturber of the
+harmony of all interests. A writer on this subject says: "Gossip is a
+troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never
+bites deep; slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its
+den and tears you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of rage;
+gossip of contempt." Those who best understand the nature of gossip and
+slander, if the victims of both, will take no notice of the former, but
+will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their
+lifetime, to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children. No
+woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral
+character, whether in the influence of her companionship, or in the
+influence of her writings.
+
+
+RELIGION AND POLITICS.
+
+Religion and politics are topics that should never be introduced into
+general conversation, for they are subjects dangerous to harmony.
+Persons are most likely to differ, and least likely to preserve their
+tempers on these topics. Long arguments in general company, however
+entertaining to the disputants, are very tiresome to the hearers.
+
+
+SATIRE AND RIDICULE.
+
+Young persons appear ridiculous when satirizing or ridiculing books,
+people or things. Opinions to be worth the consideration of others
+should have the advantage of coming from mature persons. Cultivated
+people are not in the habit of resorting to such weapons as satire and
+ridicule. They find too much to correct in themselves to indulge in
+coarse censure of the conduct of others, who may not have had advantages
+equal to their own.
+
+
+TITLES.
+
+In addressing persons with titles always add the name; as "what do you
+think of it, Doctor Hayes?" not "what do you think of it, Doctor?" In
+speaking of foreigners the reverse of the English rule is observed. No
+matter what the title of a Frenchman is, he is always addressed as
+_Monsieur_, and you never omit the word _Madame_, whether addressing a
+duchess or a dressmaker. The former is "_Madame la Duchesse_," the
+latter plain "_Madame_." Always give a foreigner his title. If General
+Sherman travels in Europe and is received by the best classes with the
+dignity that his worth, culture and position as an American general
+demand, he will never be called Mr. Sherman, but his title will
+invariably precede his name. There are persons who fancy that the
+omission of the title is annoying to the party who possesses it, but
+this is not the ground taken why the title should be given, but because
+it reveals either ignorance or ill-breeding on the part of those
+omitting it.
+
+
+CHRISTIAN NAMES.
+
+There is a class of persons, who from ignorance of the customs of good
+society, or from carelessness, speak of persons by their Christian
+names, who are neither relations nor intimate friends. This is a
+familiarity which, outside of the family circle, and beyond friends of
+the closest intimacy, is never indulged in by the well-bred.
+
+
+INTERRUPTION.
+
+Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against
+good-breeding. It has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in
+the middle of a sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking
+with a companion, you were to thrust yourself before him and stop his
+progress.
+
+
+ADAPTABILITY IN CONVERSATION.
+
+The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation, as
+skillfully as may be, to your company. Some men make a point of talking
+commonplace to all ladies alike, as if a woman could only be a trifler.
+Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what respects the education
+of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and commit the opposite
+error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted,
+and in which few, if any, are ever interested. A woman of sense has as
+much right to be annoyed by the one, as a woman of ordinary education by
+the other. If you really wish to be thought agreeable, sensible,
+amiable, unselfish and even well-informed, you should lead the way, in
+_tete-a-tete_ conversations, for sportsmen to talk of their shooting, a
+mother to talk of her children, a traveler of his journeys and the
+countries he has visited, a young lady of her last ball and the
+prospective ones, an artist of his picture and an author of his book. To
+show any interest in the immediate concerns of people is very
+complimentary, and when not in general society one is privileged to do
+this. People take more interest in their own affairs than in anything
+else you can name, and if you manifest an interest to hear, there are
+but few who will not sustain conversation by a narration of their
+affairs in some form or another. Thackeray says: "Be interested by other
+people and by their affairs. It is because you yourself are selfish that
+that other person's self does not interest you."
+
+
+CORRECT USE OF WORDS.
+
+The correct use of words is indispensable to a good talker who would
+escape the unfavorable criticism of an educated listener. There are many
+words and phrases, used in some cases by persons who have known better,
+but who have become careless from association with others who make
+constant use of them. "Because that" and "but that" should never be used
+in connection, the word "that" being entirely superfluous. The word
+"vocation" is often used for "avocation." "Unhealthy" food is spoken of
+when it should be "unwholesome." "Had not ought to" is sometimes heard
+for "ought not to;" "banister" for "baluster;" "handsful" and
+"spoonsful" for "handfuls" and "spoonfuls;" "it was him" for "it was
+he;" "it was me" for "it was I;" "whom do you think was there?" for "who
+do you think was there?"; "a mutual friend" for "a common friend;" "like
+I did" instead of "as I did;" "those sort of things" instead of "this
+sort of things;" "laying down" for "lying down;" "setting on a chair"
+for "sitting on a chair;" "try and make him" instead of "try to make
+him;" "she looked charmingly" for "she looked charming;" "loan" for
+"lend;" "to get along" instead of "to get on;" "cupalo" instead of
+"cupola;" "who" for "whom"--as, "who did you see" for "whom did you
+see;" double negatives, as, "he did not do neither of those things;"
+"lesser" for "least;" "move" instead of "remove;" "off-set" instead of
+"set-off," and many other words which are often carelessly used by those
+who have been better taught, as well as by those who are ignorant of
+their proper use.
+
+
+SPEAKING ONE'S MIND.
+
+Certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake
+of "speaking their mind" on all occasions and under all circumstances,
+and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers. And
+especially do they take credit to themselves for their courage, if their
+freedom of speech happens to give offense to any of them. A little
+reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is. The law restrains
+us from inflicting bodily injury upon those with whom we disagree, yet
+there is no legal preventive against this wounding of the feeling of
+others.
+
+
+UNWISE EXPRESSION OF OPINION.
+
+Another class of people, actuated by the best of intentions, seem to
+consider it a duty to parade their opinions upon all occasions, and in
+all places without reflecting that the highest truth will suffer from an
+unwise and over-zealous advocacy. Civility requires that we give to the
+opinions of others the same toleration that we exact for our own, and
+good sense should cause us to remember that we are never likely to
+convert a person to our views when we begin by violating his notions of
+propriety and exciting his prejudices. A silent advocate of a cause is
+always better than an indiscreet one.
+
+
+PROFANITY.
+
+No gentleman uses profane language. It is unnecessary to add that no
+gentleman will use profane language in the presence of a lady. For
+profanity there is no excuse. It is a low and paltry habit, acquired
+from association with low and paltry spirits, who possess no sense of
+honor, no regard for decency and no reverence or respect for beings of a
+higher moral or religious nature than themselves. The man who habitually
+uses profane language, lowers his moral tone with every oath he utters.
+Moreover, the silliness of the practice, if no other reason, should
+prevent its use by every man of good sense.
+
+
+PUBLIC MENTION OF PRIVATE MATTERS.
+
+Do not parade merely private matters before a public or mixed assembly
+or to acquaintances. If strangers really wish to become informed about
+you or your affairs, they will find the means to gratify their curiosity
+without your advising them gratuitously. Besides, personal and family
+affairs, no matter how interesting they may be to the parties
+immediately concerned, are generally of little moment to outsiders.
+Still less will the well-bred person inquire into or narrate the private
+affairs of any other family or individual.
+
+
+OSTENTATIOUS DISPLAY OF KNOWLEDGE.
+
+In refined and intelligent society one should always display himself at
+his best, and make a proper and legitimate use of all such acquirements
+as he may happen to have. But there should be no ostentatious or
+pedantic show of erudition. Besides being vulgar, such a show subjects
+the person to ridicule.
+
+
+PRUDERY.
+
+Avoid an affectation of excessive modesty. Do not use the word "limb"
+for "leg." If legs are really improper, then let us, on no account,
+mention them. But having found it necessary to mention them, let us by
+all means give them their appropriate name.
+
+
+DOUBLE ENTENDRES.
+
+No person of decency, still less of delicacy, will be guilty of _double
+entendre_. A well-bred person always refuses to understand a phrase of
+doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be interpreted decently, and with
+such interpretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree
+called for by such interpretation, and no more. The prudery which sits
+in solemn and severe rebuke at a _double entendre_ is only second in
+indelicacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both
+must recognize the evil intent. It is sufficient to let it pass
+unrecognized.
+
+
+INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS.
+
+Not so when one hears an indelicate word or expression, which allows of
+no possible harmless interpretation. Then not the shadow of a smile
+should flit across the lips. Either complete silence should be preserved
+in return, or the words, "I do not understand you," be spoken. A lady
+will always fail to hear that which she should not hear, or, having
+unmistakably heard, she will not understand.
+
+
+VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS.
+
+No lady should make use of any feminine substitute for profanity. The
+woman who exclaims "The Dickens!" or "Mercy!" or "Goodness!" when she is
+annoyed or astonished, is as vulgar in spirit, though perhaps not quite
+so regarded by society, as though she had used expressions which it
+would require but little stretch of the imagination to be regarded as
+profane.
+
+
+WIT.
+
+You may be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if you can; but
+never use your wit at the expense of others.
+
+          "Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking
+            Sometimes a friend, sometimes the engineer;
+           Hast thou the knack? pamper it not with liking;
+            But if thou want it, buy it not too dear.
+                Many affecting wit beyond their power
+                Have got to be a dear fool for an hour."--HERBERT.
+
+
+DISPLAY OF EMOTIONS.
+
+Avoid all exhibitions of temper before others, if you find it impossible
+to suppress them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or joy, should
+be subdued in public, and only allowed full play in the privacy of your
+own apartments.
+
+
+IMPERTINENT QUESTIONS.
+
+Never ask impertinent questions. Some authorities in etiquette even go
+so far as to say that _all_ questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you
+wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend, you
+would say, "I hope your brother is well," not, "How is your brother's
+health?"
+
+
+THE CONFIDENCE OF OTHERS.
+
+Never try to force yourself into the confidence of others; but if they
+give you their confidence of their own free will, let nothing whatever
+induce you to betray it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and never
+divulge one.
+
+
+USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE.
+
+Do not form the habit of introducing words and phrases of French or
+other foreign languages into common conversation. This is only allowable
+in writing, and not then except when the foreign word or phrase
+expresses more clearly and directly than English can do the desired
+meaning. In familiar conversation this is an affectation, only
+pardonable when all persons present are particularly familiar with the
+language.
+
+
+PRETENSES.
+
+Avoid all pretense at gentility. Pass for what you are, and nothing
+more. If you are obliged to make any little economies, do not be ashamed
+to acknowledge them as economies, if it becomes necessary to speak of
+them at all. If you keep no carriage, do not be over-solicitous to
+impress upon your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is
+because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed of poverty; but, on the
+other hand, do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the faces of others.
+It is better to say nothing about it, either in excuse or defense.
+
+
+DOGMATIC STYLE OF SPEAKING.
+
+Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or
+information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing. Even if
+you are conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming modesty
+will lead you to conceal it as far as possible, that you may not put to
+shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself. If they
+discover your superiority of their own accord, they will have much more
+admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them. If
+they do not discover it, you cannot force it upon their perceptions, and
+they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, there
+is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself, and instead of being
+a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool.
+
+
+FAULT-FINDING.
+
+Do not be censorious or fault-finding. Long and close friendship may
+sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another, but it
+must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine
+cases out of ten had best be left undone. When one is inclined to be
+censorious or critical, it is well to remember the scriptural
+injunction, "First cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt
+thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."
+
+
+CONVERSING WITH LADIES.
+
+A gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard of his
+conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to
+consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You
+will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the
+supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it
+is not, the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate
+compliment you pay them. When you "come down" to commonplace or
+small-talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the
+consequence; she either recognizes the condescension and despises you,
+or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you
+are capable, and rates you accordingly.
+
+
+HOBBIES.
+
+People with hobbies are at once the easiest and most difficult persons
+with whom to engage in conversation. On general subjects they are
+idealess and voiceless beyond monosyllables. But introduce their special
+hobby, and if you choose you need only to listen. There is much profit
+to be derived from the conversation of these persons. They will give you
+a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory which they may
+have taken to heart, than you could perhaps gain in any other way.
+
+The too constant riding of hobbies is not, however, to be specially
+recommended. An individual, though he may be pardoned in cultivating
+special tastes, should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and
+general information to be able to converse intelligently on all
+subjects, and he should, as far as possible, reserve his hobby-riding
+for exhibition before those who ride hobbies similar to his own.
+
+
+THINGS TO BE AVOIDED.
+
+It must be remembered that a social gathering should never be made the
+arena of a dispute. Consequently every subject liable to provoke a
+discussion should be avoided. Even slight inaccuracy in a statement of
+facts or opinions should rarely be remarked on in conversation.
+
+Do not permit yourself to lose your temper in society, nor show that you
+have taken offense at a supposed slight.
+
+If anyone should assume a disagreeable tone of voice or offensive manner
+toward you, never return it in company, and, above all, do not adopt the
+same style of conversation with him. Appear not to notice it, and
+generally it will be discontinued, as it will be seen that it has failed
+in its object.
+
+Avoid all coarseness and undue familiarity in addressing others. A
+person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends.
+
+Never attack the character of others in their absence; and if you hear
+others attacked, say what you can consistently to defend them.
+
+If you are talking on religious subjects, avoid all cant. Cant words and
+phrases may be used in good faith from the force of habit, but their use
+subjects the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity.
+
+Do not ask the price of articles you observe, except from intimate
+friends, and then very quietly, and only for some good reason.
+
+Do not appear to notice an error in language, either in pronunciation or
+grammar, made by the person with whom you are conversing, and do not
+repeat correctly the same word or phrase. This would be as ill-bred as
+to correct it when spoken.
+
+Mimicry is ill-bred, and must be avoided.
+
+Sneering at the private affairs of others has long ago been banished
+from the conversation of well-mannered people.
+
+Never introduce unpleasant topics, nor describe revolting scenes in
+general company.
+
+Never give officious advice. Even when sought for, give advice
+sparingly.
+
+Never, directly or indirectly, refer to the affairs of others, which it
+may give them pain in any degree to recall.
+
+Never hold your companion in conversation by the button-hole. If you are
+obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say what you wish, you are
+pressing upon him what is disagreeable or unwelcome, and you commit a
+gross breach of etiquette in so doing.
+
+Especially avoid contradictions, interruptions and monopolizing all
+conversation yourself. These faults are all intolerable and very
+offensive.
+
+To speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms, understood by
+him alone, is as rude as if you had whispered in his ear.
+
+Avoid stale and trite remarks on commonplace subjects; also all egotism
+and anecdotes of personal adventure and exploit, unless they should be
+called out by persons you are conversing with.
+
+To make a classical quotation in a mixed company is considered pedantic
+and out of place, as is also an ostentatious display of your learning.
+
+A gentleman should avoid talking about his business or profession,
+unless such matters are drawn from him by the person with whom he is
+conversing. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ technical or
+professional terms in general conversation.
+
+Long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others,
+and should be avoided.
+
+It is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in
+society, or to converse in a language with which all persons are not
+familiar.
+
+Avoid talking too much, and do not inflict upon your hearers
+interminably long stories, in which they can have but little interest.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+Dinner Giving and Dining Out.
+
+
+Dining should be ranked among the fine arts. A knowledge of dinner-table
+etiquette is all important in many respects; but chiefly in this: that
+it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding. Dinners are
+generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the
+middle aged, but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried
+persons among the guests.
+
+
+WHOM TO INVITE.
+
+Those invited should be of the same standing in society. They need not
+necessarily be friends, nor even acquaintances, but, at dinner, as
+people come into closer contact than at a dance, or any other kind of a
+party, those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the
+same class of circles. Care must, of course, be taken that those whom
+you think agreeable to each other are placed side by side around the
+festive board. Good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party--people who
+have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in; but good
+listeners are equally invaluable.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post, in cities,
+and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it
+inconvenient to send the note by hand. They are issued in the name of
+the gentleman and lady of the house, from two to ten days in advance.
+They should be answered as soon as received, without fail, as it is
+necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their
+guests. If the invitation is accepted, the engagement should, on no
+account, be lightly broken. This rule is a binding one, as the
+non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans.
+Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives, where other ladies than
+those of the family are present; nor ladies without their husbands, when
+other ladies are invited with their husbands. This rule has no
+exceptions. No more than three out of a family should be invited, unless
+the dinner party is a very large one.
+
+
+MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS.
+
+The invitations should be written on small note paper, which may have
+the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids
+anything more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper. The
+invitation should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The
+form of invitations should be as follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Potter request the pleasure of Mr.
+          and Mrs. Barton's company at dinner on Thursday,
+          the 13th of October at 5 o'clock.]
+
+An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is
+declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly.
+
+
+INVITATION ACCEPTED.
+
+An acceptance may be given in the following form, and may be sent either
+by post or messenger:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton have much pleasure in
+          accepting Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation for
+          October 13th.]
+
+
+INVITATION DECLINED.
+
+The invitation is declined in the following manner:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret that a previous
+          engagement (_or whatever the cause may be_)
+          prevents their having the pleasure of accepting
+          Mr. and Mrs. Potter's invitation at dinner for
+          October 13th.]
+
+Or,
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Mr. and Mrs. Barton regret exceedingly that owing
+          to (_whatever the preventing cause may be_), they
+          cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and
+          Mrs. Potter on Thursday, October 13th.]
+
+Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly,
+yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard
+feelings.
+
+
+INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY.
+
+The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form
+of a friendly note, something in this manner:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          Dear Miss Summer:
+
+          We have some friends coming to drink tea with us
+          to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your
+          company also? We hope you will not disappoint us.]
+
+
+FAILING TO FILL AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made
+for dinner or tea, a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host,
+with full explanation of the cause, so that your place may be supplied,
+if possible.
+
+
+PUNCTUALITY.
+
+The hour generally selected in cities is after business hours, or from
+five to eight o'clock. In the country or villages it may be an hour or
+two earlier. To be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory. If you
+are too early you are in the way; if too late you annoy the hostess,
+cause impatience among the assembled guests, and perhaps spoil the
+dinner. Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy
+guest.
+
+
+THE SUCCESS OF A DINNER.
+
+A host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the
+manner in which conversation has been sustained. If it has flagged
+often, it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial;
+but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that they have
+smoothly amalgamated, as a whole. No one should monopolize conversation,
+unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore, and be
+avoided as such.
+
+
+THE TABLE APPOINTMENTS.
+
+A snow-white cloth of the finest damask, beautiful china, glistening or
+finely engraved glass, and polished plate are considered essential to a
+grand dinner. Choice flowers, ferns and mosses tastefully arranged, add
+much to the beauty of the table. A salt-cellar should be within the
+reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a
+roll of bread upon each plate. The dessert is placed on the table amidst
+the flowers. An _epergne_, or a low dish of flowers, graces the centre;
+stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the
+table, which complete the decorations of the table. The name of each
+guest, written upon a card and placed one on each plate, marks the seat
+assigned.
+
+
+ASSIGNING PARTNERS FOR DINNER.
+
+The number at a dinner should not be less than six, nor more than twelve
+or fourteen. Then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman
+the lady whom he is to conduct to the table; but when the number exceeds
+this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written
+upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope, ready to be handed to
+the gentleman by the servant, before entering the drawing-room, or left
+on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names.
+
+If a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is
+unacquainted, he requests the host to present him immediately after he
+has spoken with the hostess, also to any members of the family with whom
+he is not acquainted.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS.
+
+All the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the
+dinner is given. If two persons, unknown to each other, find themselves
+placed side by side at a table, they may enter into conversation without
+an introduction.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS OF GUESTS AT THE TABLE.
+
+When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he
+is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess
+being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence
+in proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger
+falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest
+lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present,
+precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another
+person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted
+either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to
+place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the
+lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may
+be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite
+ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters,
+as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.
+
+
+DINNER A LA RUSSE.
+
+The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner
+_a la Russe_ (the Russian style)--all the food being placed upon a side
+table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an
+opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the
+meal progresses, does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes
+and platters.
+
+
+DUTIES OF SERVANTS.
+
+The servants commence, in passing the dishes, one upon the right of the
+host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should
+never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong.
+Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps may be
+noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English
+custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly
+clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing
+hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and
+deposits plates, glasses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is
+considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at
+table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the
+thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.
+
+
+SOUP.
+
+Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it
+remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating
+until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the
+servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a
+second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
+
+
+FISH.
+
+Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are
+provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left
+hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish
+may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.
+
+
+THE SIDE DISHES.
+
+After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the
+fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard
+for a fork.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.
+
+When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork
+upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be
+carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by
+neglecting to remove them.
+
+Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not
+take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.
+
+Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your glass with
+wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the
+rim of your glass.
+
+Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.
+
+If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his
+eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.
+
+The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and
+drinking should be noiseless.
+
+Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.
+
+Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and
+artichokes are always so eaten.
+
+Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.
+
+You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any
+course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it.
+Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the glass and
+silver near you unnecessarily.
+
+Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the
+business of the host.
+
+When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the
+waiter to pass on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has
+escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is
+officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.
+
+If the guests pass the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by
+a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire
+it at all, before passing it on to the next.
+
+A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many
+people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an
+unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of
+etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many
+people, it is wisest to observe it.
+
+Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone
+inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with
+the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be
+removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible, and deposited on
+the side of the plate.
+
+Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead,
+face or nose.
+
+Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without
+a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a
+fork or spoon.
+
+Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not
+toy with your knife, fork or spoon, make crumbs of your bread, or draw
+imaginary lines upon the table cloth.
+
+Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife,
+and all fruit should be broken or cut.
+
+
+WAITING ON OTHERS.
+
+If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person,
+politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for
+themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are
+in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he
+thinks may be most to their taste.
+
+
+PRAISING DISHES.
+
+A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor
+make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction.
+It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and
+allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper.
+Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their
+plates against their inclination.
+
+
+MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION.
+
+For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be
+general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you
+may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to
+be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.
+
+
+PICKING TEETH AT THE TABLE.
+
+It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should
+always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not
+avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity
+to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth
+should be concealed by your hand or napkin.
+
+
+SELECTING A PARTICULAR DISH.
+
+Never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a
+fowl or of meat, unless requested to do so, and then answer promptly,
+that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you.
+
+
+DUTIES OF HOSTESS AND HOST.
+
+Tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess, in order that she
+may perform her duties agreeably, which are not onerous. She should
+instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have
+finished. If she speaks of any omission by which her servants have
+inconvenienced her guests, she must do it with dignity, not betraying
+any undue annoyance. She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay
+every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her.
+No accident must disturb her; no disappointment embarrass her. If her
+precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes, she must
+seem to take but little or no notice of it.
+
+The host must aid the hostess in her efforts. He should have ease and
+frankness of manner, a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle, and a
+kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted. He must encourage
+the timid, draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than
+sustain it himself.
+
+No matter what may go wrong, a hostess should never seem to notice it to
+the annoyance of her guests. By passing it over herself, it will very
+frequently escape the attention of others. If her guests arrive late,
+she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early, but she
+will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually, if she
+awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of
+grace prescribed by custom.
+
+
+RETIRING FROM THE TABLE.
+
+When the hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the lady who
+is sitting at the right of the host, and the company rise, and withdraw
+in the order they are seated, without precedence. After retiring to the
+drawing-room, the guests should intermingle in a social manner. It is
+expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after
+dinner.
+
+
+ACCEPTING HOSPITALITY A SIGN OF GOOD-WILL.
+
+As eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of
+society regarded as a sign of good-will, those who partake of proffered
+hospitalities, only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess,
+should remember, that in the opinion of all honorable persons, they
+injure themselves by so doing.
+
+
+CALLS AFTER A DINNER PARTY.
+
+Calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been
+invited, whether the invitation be accepted or not.
+
+
+RETURNING HOSPITALITY.
+
+Those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the
+invitation before another is extended to them. Society is very severe
+upon those who do not return debts of hospitality, if they have the
+means to do so. If they never entertain anyone because of limited means,
+or for other good reasons, it is so understood, and it is not expected
+that they should make exceptions; or if they are in the habit of giving
+other entertainments and not dinners, their debts of hospitality can be
+returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be. Some are
+deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot
+return the hospitality in so magnificent a form. It is not the costly
+preparations, nor the expensive repast offered which are the most
+agreeable features of any entertainment, but it is the kind and friendly
+feeling shown. Those who are not deterred from accepting such
+invitations for this reason, and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness
+thus shown them, must possess narrow views of their duty, and very
+little self-respect, if, when an opportunity presents itself in any way
+to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested, they fail to avail
+themselves of it. True hospitality, however, neither expects nor desires
+any return.
+
+
+EXPENSIVE DINNERS NOT THE MOST ENJOYABLE.
+
+It is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner, it is indispensable to
+have certain dishes and a variety of wines, because others serve them.
+Those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion, and never
+feel obliged to do as others do, if they wish to do differently. Some of
+the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive. It
+is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing
+all sorts of extravagances, which causes many persons, in every way well
+qualified to do incalculable good socially, to exclude themselves from
+all general society.
+
+
+WINES AT DINNERS.
+
+The _menu_ of a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete, unless
+it includes one or more varieties of wine. When used it is first served
+after soup, but any guest may, with propriety, decline being served.
+This, however, must not be done ostentatiously. Simply say to the
+waiter, or whoever pours it, "not any; thank you." Wine, offered at a
+dinner party, should never be criticized, however poor it may be. A
+person who has partaken of wine, may also decline to have the glass
+filled again.
+
+If the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance
+principles, in deference to the scruples of these guests, wines or
+liquors should not be brought to the table. People who entertain should
+also be cautious as to serving wines at all. It is impossible to tell
+what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests. It may be
+that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of
+wines or stronger alcoholic liquors; or you may renew a passion long
+controlled and entombed; or you may turn a wavering will from a
+seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain. This is an age of
+reforms, the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of
+these, and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if
+they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating
+liquor. Mrs. ex-President Hayes banished wines and liquors from her
+table, and an example set by the "first lady of the land" can be safely
+followed in every American household, whatever may have been former
+prevailing customs. It is safe to say that no "mistress of the White
+House" will ever set aside the temperance principles established by Mrs.
+Hayes.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+Table Manners and Etiquette.
+
+
+It is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct
+themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding, even in the
+privacy of their own homes, when at table, a neglect of such observances
+will render one stiff and awkward in society. There are so many little
+points to be observed, that unless a person is habitually accustomed to
+observe them, he unconsciously commits some error, or will appear
+awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully
+at ease. To be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the
+habitual practice of good manners at the table, and is the result of
+proper home training. It is the duty of parents to accustom their
+children, by example as well as by precept, to be attentive and polite
+to each other at every meal, as well as to observe proper rules of
+etiquette, and if they do so, they need never fear that they will be
+rude or awkward when they go abroad. Even when persons habitually eat
+alone, they should pay due regard to the rules of etiquette, for by so
+doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in
+refined circles; otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits
+which they cannot shake off without great difficulty, and which are at
+times embarrassing to themselves and their friends. In private families
+it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day
+around one common table, where the same rules of etiquette should be
+rigidly enforced, as though each member of the family were sitting at a
+stranger's table. It is only by this constant practice of the rules of
+good behaviour at home, that good manners become easy when any of them
+go abroad.
+
+
+THE BREAKFAST.
+
+At the first meal of the day, even in the most orderly households, an
+amount of freedom is allowed, which would be unjustifiable at any other
+meal. The head of the house may look over his morning paper, and the
+various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or
+studies as they are interested in. Each may rise and leave the table
+when business or pleasure dictates, without awaiting for the others or
+for a general signal.
+
+The breakfast table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made very
+attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its
+ornamentation of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed upon the
+table, cut in slices. In eating, it must always be broken, never cut,
+and certainly not bitten. Fruit should be served in abundance at
+breakfast whenever practicable. There is an old adage which declares
+that "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."
+
+
+LUNCHEON.
+
+In many of our large cities, where business prevents the head of the
+family from returning to dinner until a late hour, luncheon is served
+about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants.
+There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. It
+is all placed upon the table at once, whether it consists of one or more
+courses. Where only one or two are at luncheon, the repast is ordinarily
+served on a tray.
+
+
+DINNER.
+
+The private family dinner should be the social hour of the day. Then
+parents and children should meet together, and the meal should be of
+such length as to admit of the greatest sociality. It is an old saying
+that chatted food is half digested. The utmost good feeling should
+prevail among all. Business and domestic cares and troubles should be,
+for the time, forgotten, and the pleasures of home most heartily
+enjoyed. In another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable
+dinner parties.
+
+
+THE KNIFE AND FORK.
+
+The knife and fork were not made for playthings, and should not be used
+as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served.
+Do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate, nor
+cross them on your plate when you have finished, nor make a noise with
+them. The knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard
+substances, while the fork, held in the left hand, is used in carrying
+food into the mouth. A knife must never, on any account, be put into the
+mouth. When you send your plate to be refilled, do not send your knife
+and fork, but put them upon a piece of bread, or hold them in your hand.
+
+
+GREEDINESS.
+
+To put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy, and if you
+are addressed when your mouth is so filled, you are obliged to pause,
+before answering, until the vast mouthful is masticated, or run the risk
+of choking, by swallowing it too hastily. To eat very fast is also a
+mark of greediness, and should be avoided. The same may be said of
+soaking up gravy with bread, scraping up sauce with a spoon, scraping
+your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES ON TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+Refrain from making a noise when eating, or supping from a spoon, and
+from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food, as
+they are marks of ill-breeding. The lips should be kept closed in eating
+as much as possible.
+
+It is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the
+table, so as to incommode those on either side of you.
+
+Whenever one or both hands are unoccupied, they should be kept below
+the table, and not pushed upon the table and into prominence.
+
+Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without
+asking the head, or host, to excuse you, except at a hotel or boarding
+house.
+
+Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool, but sipped
+from the cup.
+
+If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place
+his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the
+cup.
+
+If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in
+the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though
+your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.
+
+Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead
+of using your knife, spoon or fingers.
+
+Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.
+
+At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your
+ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.
+
+Eat neither too fast nor too slow.
+
+Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the
+table.
+
+Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your
+neighbors.
+
+Do not find fault with the food.
+
+The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon
+the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy
+can be supplied, if necessary.
+
+If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of
+passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself
+first, and then pass it on.
+
+The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of
+particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on
+their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person
+to eat of anything after he has declined.
+
+When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it
+upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.
+
+Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the
+plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+Receptions, Parties and Balls.
+
+
+Morning receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking,
+afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the
+afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to
+remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.
+
+
+THE DRESS.
+
+The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies,
+demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short
+sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress
+coats.
+
+The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze
+or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the
+wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for
+evening parties.
+
+
+THE REFRESHMENTS.
+
+The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light,
+consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, claret punch, ices, fruit and
+cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments
+have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties,
+and renewed from time to time.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal.
+Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home
+Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these
+invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is
+left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No
+calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be
+present, call soon after.
+
+
+MUSICAL MATINEES.
+
+A _matinee musicale_ partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one
+of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary
+to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental
+talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with
+them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is
+customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by
+solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in
+not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as
+accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her
+guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If
+any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in talking or
+whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint
+them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies
+are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned
+for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not
+intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing
+gratification.
+
+The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only
+bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part,
+often remain for a hot supper.
+
+
+PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.
+
+Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are
+of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such
+of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music
+or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.
+
+
+SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.
+
+In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal
+hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be
+informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are
+not considered as good form in good society.
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.
+
+Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced
+into this country from England. For these invitations are usually
+issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left
+hand corner.
+
+ [Illustration:
+           _Five o'clock tea,
+           Wednesday, October 6._]
+
+Or, if for a kettle-drum:
+
+ [Illustration:
+           _Kettle-drum,
+           Wednesday, October 6._]
+
+No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an
+R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave
+cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives
+her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate
+friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few
+remain over half an hour--the conventional time allotted--unless they
+are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in
+the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches,
+buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.
+
+There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception.
+The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening
+to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.
+
+Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the _demi-toilet_,
+with or without bonnets.
+
+At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table,
+together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the
+tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the
+family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number
+assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social
+gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and
+drinking.
+
+
+MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the
+entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of
+late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand
+dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so
+diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to
+evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and
+in all cases they should be answered immediately.
+
+
+BALLS.
+
+The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people
+to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it
+brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and
+takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them
+exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and
+brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It
+may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great
+extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the
+pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the
+exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only
+nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of
+our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles,
+with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those
+who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the
+floor.
+
+
+PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.
+
+There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant
+or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited
+guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests
+ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be
+supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to
+decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an
+expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.
+
+
+THE MUSIC.
+
+Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small,
+the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks
+the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band;
+but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.
+
+
+THE DANCES.
+
+The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes
+are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a
+waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops,
+lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.
+
+
+INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
+
+Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose
+of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon
+meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by
+lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance
+rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so,
+also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask
+her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an
+introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute
+acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for
+this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on
+the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of
+recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when
+the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to
+bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes
+first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take
+place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or
+between persons residing in different cities. In all other cases
+permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is
+sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those
+assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain
+sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to
+converse freely without introductions.
+
+
+RECEIVING GUESTS.
+
+The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now
+prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty
+of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are
+principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him.
+The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share
+their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look
+after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will
+try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers
+themselves.
+
+
+AN AFTER-CALL.
+
+After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you
+were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient--within two
+weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and
+passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it
+is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door.
+It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception
+day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each
+invitation for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls
+due her may be made on that day.
+
+
+SUPPER.
+
+The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock.
+The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an
+abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed,
+fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes
+are such as boned turkey, _boeuf a la mode_, chicken salad, lobster
+salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way
+with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be
+an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the
+last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some
+distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No
+gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen
+every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen,
+although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting
+upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the
+respectability of their guests.
+
+
+THE NUMBER TO INVITE.
+
+Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite
+more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush.
+Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A
+hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than her
+rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received.
+People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a
+ball or dancing party.
+
+
+DUTIES OF GUESTS.
+
+Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the
+guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.
+
+It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation,
+and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a
+regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance
+with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember
+this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her
+toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at
+least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor
+tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.
+
+It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the
+hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.
+
+Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her
+power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither
+hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess
+requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment
+longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to
+another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to
+circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our
+society, would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of
+all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected
+to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until
+relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would
+gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but
+know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation
+flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is
+not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to
+exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of
+civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming
+freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.
+
+While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her
+except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as
+she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to
+make room for others.
+
+
+SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He
+should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any
+portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by
+greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and
+offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it
+repaired.
+
+If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to
+her with a glass of water, to take her into the ball-room when she is
+without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any
+of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will,
+under any circumstances, refuse her request.
+
+A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to
+dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been
+given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If
+he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice
+himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the
+dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action
+will be his reward.
+
+When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment,
+are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty,
+after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend
+to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and
+hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.
+
+
+DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
+
+A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of
+entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet
+her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter
+room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with
+her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home
+whenever she wishes to go. He should watch during the evening to see
+that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she
+should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he
+should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her
+within the next two days.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES FOR BALLS.
+
+A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a
+ball.
+
+The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to
+supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other,
+unless his partner is already engaged.
+
+Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great
+charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations,
+loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room.
+Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.
+
+In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the
+house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do
+so.
+
+The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball
+there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be.
+A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of
+not less than seventy-five persons."
+
+Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who
+were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the
+first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some
+acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting
+their inability to be present.
+
+When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand
+behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though
+it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should
+hold it gracefully by his side.
+
+Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two
+dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the
+gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology.
+Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.
+
+It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a
+quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half
+way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her
+unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she
+knows.
+
+Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other
+color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.
+
+Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society,
+those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual
+attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from
+doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.
+
+The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that
+clergymen should never be seen at balls, the better for all who attend
+them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any
+member of his church to be seen.
+
+In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the
+family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your
+departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to
+make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the
+entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it
+is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."
+
+Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good
+reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal
+dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to
+dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance.
+The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to
+dance are provided with partners.
+
+Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to
+their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.
+
+When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be
+provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the
+house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the
+door to the carriage steps.
+
+Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before
+the music strikes up.
+
+In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance with any
+gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she
+declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by
+abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance
+progresses.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+Etiquette of the Street.
+
+
+The manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people
+he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public
+conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all
+times, in all places, and under all circumstances, is kind and courteous
+to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and
+feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is
+ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.
+
+
+THE STREET MANNERS OF A LADY.
+
+The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve,
+so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her,
+while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere
+which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.
+
+A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing
+that she ought not to see and hear, recognizing acquaintances with a
+courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always
+unobtrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does
+anything to attract the attention of the passers-by. She walks along in
+her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from
+any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be
+subjected.
+
+A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when
+voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an
+expression of hearty thanks.
+
+
+FORMING STREET ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract
+the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would
+render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to
+far graver charges.
+
+
+RECOGNIZING FRIENDS IN THE STREET.
+
+No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation,
+or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a
+bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they
+should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in
+company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If
+a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does
+not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he
+should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always
+returns a salutation made to her.
+
+
+A CROWDED STREET.
+
+When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by
+reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed
+singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.
+
+
+INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES.
+
+If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article
+whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it
+to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it
+from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent
+with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.
+
+
+THE FIRST TO BOW.
+
+In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the
+street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first
+bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist
+upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and
+raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without
+waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will
+certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each
+salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.
+
+
+ALWAYS RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by
+bowing or words of greeting, a gentleman lifting his hat. If they stop
+to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not
+forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.
+
+ [Illustration: GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY.]
+
+
+BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.
+
+If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him,
+all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him,
+he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger
+is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an
+acquaintance.
+
+
+DO NOT LACK POLITENESS.
+
+Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be
+recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms
+to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them.
+Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the
+courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all
+lookers-on will regard the matter.
+
+
+TALKING WITH A LADY IN THE STREET.
+
+In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to
+speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop
+her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he
+has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.
+
+
+LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER.
+
+A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most
+scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is
+customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and
+he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the
+street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him
+where she will be the least exposed to crowding.
+
+
+OFFERING THE ARM TO A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever her safety, comfort or
+convenience seems to require it, offer a lady companion his arm. At
+other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband
+and wife or engaged. In the latter case, it is not always advisable to
+do so, as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks.
+
+
+KEEPING STEP.
+
+In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it is desirable that
+the two keep step. Ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as
+far as practicable, to that of their escort. It is easily done.
+
+
+OPENING THE DOOR FOR A LADY.
+
+A gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first.
+This is obligatory, not only in the case of the lady who accompanies
+him, but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to
+enter at the same time.
+
+
+ANSWERING QUESTIONS.
+
+A gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may
+address to him upon the street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at
+least touching it respectfully.
+
+
+SMOKING UPON THE STREETS.
+
+In England a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets. While this
+rule does not hold good in this country, yet no gentleman will ever
+insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company, and in meeting
+and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth.
+
+
+OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR.
+
+No gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners
+and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing
+every lady who passes.
+
+
+CARRYING PACKAGES.
+
+A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a
+package of any kind, but will insist upon relieving her of it. He may
+even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his
+assistance, if their ways lie in the same direction.
+
+
+SHOUTING.
+
+Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the
+other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then
+make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately
+loud tone of voice.
+
+
+TWO GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY.
+
+When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not
+be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the
+outside and the other upon the inside.
+
+
+CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY.
+
+If a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm, and they cross
+the street, it is better not to disengage the arm, and go round upon the
+outside. Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is
+always to be avoided.
+
+
+FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When on your way to fill an engagement, if a friend stops you on the
+street you may, without committing a breach of etiquette, tell him of
+your appointment, and release yourself from any delay that may be
+occasioned by a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing
+regret for the necessity.
+
+
+WALKING WITH A LADY ACQUAINTANCE.
+
+A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the
+purpose of walking with her, unless he ascertains that his company would
+be perfectly agreeable to her. It might be otherwise, and she should
+frankly say so, if asked.
+
+
+PASSING BEFORE A LADY.
+
+When a lady wishes to enter a store, house or room, if a gentleman
+accompanies her, he should hold the door open and allow her to enter
+first, if practicable; for a gentleman must never pass before a lady
+anywhere if he can avoid it, or without an apology.
+
+
+SHOPPING ETIQUETTE.
+
+In inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or
+salesman, "I want" such an article, but, "Please show me" such an
+article, or some other polite form of address.
+
+You should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which
+another person is examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter,
+when you are at liberty to examine it.
+
+It is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they
+have finished making their purchases, or to ask their attention to your
+own purchases. It is rude to offer your opinion unasked, upon their
+judgment or taste, in the selection of goods.
+
+It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly
+discourteous to the salesman. Use no deceit, but be honest with them, if
+you wish them to be honest with you.
+
+Avoid "jewing down" the prices of articles in any way. If the price does
+not suit, you may say so quietly, and depart, but it is generally best
+to say nothing about it.
+
+It is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do
+better elsewhere, which should be resented by instant departure.
+
+Ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small
+talk, while other customers are in the store to be waited upon.
+
+Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly
+vulgar.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR PUBLIC CONVEYANCES.
+
+In street cars, omnibuses and other public street conveyances, it should
+be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering,
+and no gentleman will retain his seat when there are ladies standing.
+When a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman, she expresses her thanks in
+a kind and pleasant manner.
+
+A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept the offer of services from a
+stranger in alighting from, or entering an omnibus or other public
+conveyance, and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant
+"Thank you, sir," or a bow.
+
+Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.
+
+Gentlemen should not cross their legs, nor stretch their feet out into
+the passage-way of a public conveyance.
+
+
+AVOID CUTTING.
+
+No gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized
+him, under any circumstances. A young lady should, under no provocation,
+"cut" a married lady. It is the privilege of age to first recognize
+those who are younger in years. No young man will fail to recognize an
+aged one after he has met with recognition. "Cutting" is to be avoided
+if possible. There are other ways of convincing a man that you do not
+know him, yet, to young ladies, it is sometimes the only means available
+to rid them of troublesome acquaintances. "Cutting" consists in
+returning a bow or recognition with a stare, and is publicly ignoring
+the acquaintance of the person so treated. It is sometimes done by words
+in saying, "Really I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance."
+
+
+AVOIDING CARRIAGES.
+
+For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is
+inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the
+carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The
+foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude
+until the melancholy train has passed, is a commendable one to be
+followed in this country.
+
+
+KEEP TO THE RIGHT.
+
+On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right hand,
+except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside
+to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a
+heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.
+
+
+SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS.
+
+If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is
+but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside.
+Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two
+ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half
+deluges his companions with its dripping streams.
+
+Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down,
+or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the
+way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.
+
+A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street
+after dark. If she passes the evening with a friend, provision should be
+made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at
+whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some
+proper person--a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband--to
+perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if
+circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.
+
+A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow
+her to precede him in going down.
+
+Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and
+dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name
+and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting
+while you are disputing with a hack-man.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration: SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK.]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+Etiquette of Public Places.
+
+
+All well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all
+places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be
+found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of
+others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by
+instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in
+whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the
+fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings
+of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into
+social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and
+prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many
+people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness,
+are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining
+to places of public assemblages. It is for this reason that rules are
+here given by which may be regulated the conduct of people in various
+public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call
+forth unfavorable criticism.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
+
+A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.
+
+When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until
+an usher appears to show you to a seat.
+
+A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the
+side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should
+be no haste in passing up the aisle.
+
+People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and
+avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with
+the feet or hands.
+
+It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it
+is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.
+
+Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head
+of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is
+customary for him to sit by her side during church services.
+
+A person should never leave church until the services are over, except
+in some case of emergency.
+
+Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir,
+to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing
+noise.
+
+If books or fans are passed in church, let them be offered and accepted
+or refused with a silent gesture of the head.
+
+It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if
+the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should
+be indicated.
+
+It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book
+with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.
+
+In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost
+respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of
+the church--that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No
+matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you,
+let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the
+church.
+
+When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up
+the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously.
+When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings
+with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous
+laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule
+or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of
+their eyes and tongues.
+
+If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to
+her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This
+he must do with the ungloved right hand.
+
+In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one
+should always go at a time when there are no services being held. If
+people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case
+in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor
+should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not
+disturb them.
+
+
+INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.
+
+A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre,
+concert or other public place of amusement, must send his invitation the
+previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines,
+there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.
+
+It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment,
+or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where
+they can neither see nor hear.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATER OR PUBLIC HALL.
+
+On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk
+side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which
+case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her
+to take the inner one, assuming the outer one himself.
+
+A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the
+beginning to the close of the performance.
+
+If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to
+promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must
+retain his position by her side.
+
+There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to
+a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he
+accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse
+with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable
+to her as possible.
+
+During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the
+audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts
+it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone,
+so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should
+be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like
+demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention
+of others.
+
+It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they
+deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving
+satisfaction.
+
+The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and
+with libretto also if they are attending opera.
+
+In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should
+precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.
+
+If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call
+for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the
+evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to
+reach their destination before the performance commences. It is unjust
+to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in
+obtaining seats.
+
+The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following
+day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of
+delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real
+pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for
+criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and
+seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking
+her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.
+
+
+REMAIN UNTIL THE PERFORMANCE CLOSES.
+
+At a theatrical or operatic performance, you should remain seated until
+the performance is concluded and the curtain falls. It is exceedingly
+rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing
+to a close, yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been
+followed by many well-meaning people, who, if they were aware of the
+extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience, and
+unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage, would shrink
+from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES.
+
+In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment
+of a gentleman or a lady. Make no loud comments and do not seek to show
+superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism. If you have
+not an art education you will probably only be giving publicity to your
+own ignorance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus
+obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you
+wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects, draw to one side,
+out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures.
+
+
+CONDUCT AT CHARITY FAIRS.
+
+In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their
+price, unless you can praise. If you want them, pay the price demanded,
+or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all
+means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances
+to be within hearing. If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike
+means to obtain buyers. Not even the demands of charity can justify you
+in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or
+beyond their means.
+
+Never appear so beggarly as to retain the change, if a larger amount is
+presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentleman
+will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it
+with thanks. He is, however, under no obligation whatever to make such
+donation.
+
+Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid
+conspicuous flirting in so public a place.
+
+As a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, so
+he should remain with head uncovered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a
+public place of this character.
+
+
+CONDUCT IN AN ARTIST'S STUDIO.
+
+If you have occasion to visit an artist's studio, by no means meddle
+with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which stands or hangs with
+face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter
+by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or
+article of _vertu_ posed as a model. You do not know with what care the
+artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the
+disarrangement may cost him.
+
+Use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything
+presented for your inspection. If a picture or a statue please you, show
+your approval and appreciation by close attention, and a few quiet, well
+chosen words, rather than by extravagant praise.
+
+Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a
+purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works,
+make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a
+written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You
+may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from
+the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask
+his price, and if he names a higher one than you wish to give, you may
+say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be
+optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your
+offer.
+
+It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special
+invitation or permission, and at an appointed time, for you cannot
+estimate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight
+are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil
+is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice, and may be
+instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors.
+
+Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in
+spite of the most careful watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor
+will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant
+state of apprehension.
+
+If you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist
+waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so you should in
+justice pay for the time you make him lose.
+
+A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work;
+for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb
+him greatly.
+
+
+GENTLEMEN PASSING BEFORE LADIES.
+
+Gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated
+in lecture and concert rooms, theaters and other public places, should
+beg pardon for disturbing them; passing with their faces and never with
+their backs toward them.
+
+
+WHERE GENTLEMEN MAY KEEP THEIR HATS ON.
+
+At garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air, gentlemen
+keep their hats on their heads. If draughts of cold air, or other
+causes, make it necessary for them to retain their hats on their heads,
+when in the presence of ladies within doors, they explain the necessity
+and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+Etiquette of Travelling.
+
+
+There is nothing that tests the natural politeness of men and women so
+thoroughly as traveling. We all desire as much comfort as possible and
+as a rule are selfish. In these days of railroad travel, when every
+railway is equipped with elegant coaches for the comfort, convenience
+and sometimes luxury of its passengers, and provided with gentlemanly
+conductors and servants, the longest journeys by railroad can be made
+alone by self-possessed ladies with perfect safety and but little
+annoyance. Then, too, a lady who deports herself as such may travel from
+the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Maine to the Gulf of Mexico, and meet
+with no affront or insult, but on the contrary receive polite attentions
+at every point, from men who may chance to be her fellow-travelers. This
+may be accounted for from the fact that, as a rule in America, all men
+show a deferential regard for women, and are especially desirous of
+showing them such attentions as will render a long and lonesome journey
+as pleasant as possible.
+
+
+DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
+
+However self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general
+bearing a lady may be, and though capable of undertaking any journey,
+howsoever long it may be, an escort is at all times much more pleasant,
+and generally acceptable. When a gentleman undertakes the escort of a
+lady, he should proceed with her to the depot, or meet her there, a
+sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the
+checking of her baggage, procure her ticket, and obtain for her an
+eligible seat in the cars, allowing her to choose such seat as she
+desires. He will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their
+proper receptacle, and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for
+her as possible, taking a seat near her, or by the side of her if she
+requests it, and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one.
+
+Upon arriving at her destination, he should conduct her to the ladies'
+waiting-room or to a carriage, until he has attended to her baggage,
+which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it. He
+should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and
+deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care. On
+the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health.
+It is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged
+or not after this call. If the lady does not wish to prolong the
+acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her friends, to request a
+similar favor of him at another time.
+
+
+THE DUTY OF A LADY TO HER ESCORT.
+
+The lady may supply her escort with a sum of money ample to pay all the
+expenses of the journey before purchasing her ticket, or furnish him the
+exact amount required, or, at the suggestion of her escort, she may
+allow him to defray the expenses from his own pocket, and settle with
+him at the end of the journey. The latter course, however, should only
+be pursued when the gentleman suggests it, and a strict account of the
+expenses incurred must be insisted on.
+
+A lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as
+possible, and she should make no unnecessary demands upon his good
+nature and gentlemanly services. Her hand-baggage should be as small as
+circumstances will permit, and when once disposed of, it should remain
+undisturbed until she is about to leave the car, unless she should
+absolutely require it. As the the train nears the end of her journey,
+she will deliberately gather together her effects preparatory to
+departure, so that when the train stops she will be ready to leave the
+car at once and not wait to hurriedly grab her various parcels, or cause
+her escort unnecessary delay.
+
+
+A LADY TRAVELING ALONE.
+
+A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services from her
+fellow-travelers, which she should always acknowledge graciously.
+Indeed, it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an
+unescorted lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or lower her
+window if she seems to have any difficulty in doing it herself. He may
+offer his assistance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or
+in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. Still, women should learn
+to be as self-reliant as possible; and young women particularly should
+accept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the slightest
+offices, very rarely.
+
+
+LADIES MAY ASSIST OTHER LADIES.
+
+It is not only the right, but the duty of ladies to render any
+assistance or be of any service to younger ladies, or those less
+experienced in traveling than themselves. They may show many little
+courtesies which will make the journey less tedious to the inexperienced
+traveler, and may give her important advice or assistance which may be
+of benefit to her. An acquaintance formed in traveling, need never be
+retained afterwards. It is optional whether it is or not.
+
+
+THE COMFORT OF OTHERS.
+
+In seeking his own comfort, no passenger has a right to overlook or
+disregard that of others. If for his own comfort, he wishes to raise or
+lower a window he should consult the wishes of passengers immediately
+around him before doing so. The discomforts of traveling should be borne
+cheerfully, for what may enhance your own comfort may endanger the
+health of some fellow-traveler.
+
+
+ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS.
+
+See everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have
+their wants supplied before you think of your own. Nor is there need for
+unmanly haste or pushing in entering or leaving cars or boats. There is
+always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly
+manner and with a due regard to the rights of others.
+
+If, in riding in the street-cars or crossing a ferry, your friend
+insists on paying for you, permit him to do so without serious
+remonstrance. You can return the favor at some other time.
+
+
+READING WHEN TRAVELLING.
+
+If a gentleman in traveling, either on cars or steamboat, has provided
+himself with newspapers or other reading, he should offer them to his
+companions first. If they are refused, he may with propriety read
+himself, leaving the others free to do the same if they wish.
+
+
+OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS.
+
+No lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a
+crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations she should at
+once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat
+beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it, no matter how
+agreeable it may be to retain possession of it.
+
+It shows a great lack of proper manners to see two ladies, or a lady
+and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their
+wraps and bundles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or
+remonstrating looks of fellow-passengers. In such a case any person who
+desires a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage
+and taking possession of the unused seat.
+
+
+RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT.
+
+A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to
+purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch, leaving the
+seat in charge of a companion, or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat
+upon it to show that it is engaged. When a seat is thus occupied, the
+right of possession must be respected, and no one should presume to take
+a seat thus previously engaged, even though it may be wanted for a lady.
+A gentleman cannot, however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another
+in the smoking-car, and at the same time reserve his rights to the first
+seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the
+first.
+
+It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his
+seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do
+so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor
+accommodations.
+
+In the street cars the case is different. No woman should be allowed to
+stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the
+man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford
+to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act.
+
+
+DISCRETION IN FORMING ACQUAINTANCES.
+
+While an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat,
+continues only during the trip, discretion should be used in making
+acquaintances. Ladies may, as has been stated, accept small courtesies
+and favors from strangers, but must check at once any attempt at
+familiarity. On the other hand, no man who pretends to be a gentleman
+will attempt any familiarity. The practice of some young girls just
+entering into womanhood, of flirting with any young man they may chance
+to meet, either in a railway car or on a steamboat, indicates
+low-breeding in the extreme. If, however, the journey is long, and
+especially if it be on a steamboat, a certain sociability may be
+allowed, and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her
+privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one, for fellow-passengers
+should always be sociable to one another.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+RIDING AND DRIVING.
+
+
+One of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amusements that can be
+indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on
+horseback, and it is a matter of regret that it is not participated in
+to a greater extent than it is. The etiquette of riding, though meagre,
+is exact and important.
+
+
+LEARNING TO RIDE.
+
+The first thing to do is to learn to ride, and no one should attempt to
+appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken.
+Until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback, he or she
+should not appear in public. The advice given in the old rhyme should be
+kept in mind, viz:
+
+          Keep up your head and your heart,
+            Your hands and your heels keep down;
+          Press your knees close to your horse's sides,
+            And your elbows close to your own.
+
+
+THE GENTLEMAN'S DUTY AS AN ESCORT.
+
+When a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady, his first duty is to
+see that her horse is a proper one for her use, and one that she can
+readily manage. He must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly
+secure, and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men, without
+personal examination. He must be punctual at the appointed hour, and not
+keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume. He should see
+the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself; take
+his position on the lady's right in riding, open all gates and pay all
+tolls on the road.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT.
+
+The lady will place herself on the left side of the horse, standing as
+close to it as possible, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her
+right hand upon the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The
+gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and
+stooping, hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it. This she
+does, when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in
+gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup,
+smooth the skirt of her riding habit, and give her the reins and her
+riding whip.
+
+
+RIDING WITH LADIES.
+
+In riding with one lady, a gentleman takes his position to the right of
+her. When riding with two or more, his position is still to the right
+unless one of them needs his assistance or requests his presence near
+her. He must offer all the courtesies of the road, and yield the best
+and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady must always decide upon the
+pace at which to ride. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse
+to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.
+
+If a gentleman, when riding alone, meets a lady who is walking and
+wishes to enter into conversation with her, he must alight and remain on
+foot while talking with her.
+
+
+ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM HER HORSE.
+
+After the ride, the gentleman must assist his companion to alight. She
+must first free her knee from the pommel, and be certain that her habit
+is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right,
+and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand
+slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing. A
+lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.
+
+
+DRIVING.
+
+The choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses, and
+gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies. If only one
+gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage, the
+gentleman must sit opposite the lady, unless she invites him to a seat
+by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing
+the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, which she never
+resigns. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most
+distinguished lady. A person should enter a carriage with the back to
+the seat, so as to prevent turning round in the carriage. A gentleman
+must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress. In driving,
+one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and
+passing another vehicle is to keep to the right.
+
+
+ASSISTING LADIES TO ALIGHT.
+
+A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pass
+before a lady in doing so. He must then assist the ladies to alight. If
+there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door,
+but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required
+assistance. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the
+gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out, and if she
+wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight to help her to do so.
+
+In assisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman will take care that
+the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. A carriage robe
+should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the
+road. The gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol, fan and
+shawl, and see that she is comfortable in every way, before he seats
+himself.
+
+
+TRUSTING THE DRIVER.
+
+While driving with another who holds the reins, you must not interfere
+with the driver, as anything of this kind implies a reproof, which is
+very offensive. If you think his conduct wrong, or are in fear of danger
+resulting, you may delicately suggest a change, apologizing therefor.
+You should resign yourself to the driver's control, and be perfectly
+calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+Courtship and Marriage.
+
+
+The correct behavior of young men toward young ladies, and of young
+ladies toward young men, during that portion of their lives when they
+are respectively paying attention to, and receiving attention from, one
+another, is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this
+nature.
+
+
+A GENTLEMAN'S CONDUCT TOWARD LADIES.
+
+Young people of either sex, who have arrived at mature age, and who are
+not engaged, have the utmost freedom in their social intercourse in this
+country, and are at liberty to associate and mingle freely in the same
+circles with those of the opposite sex. Gentlemen are at liberty to
+invite their lady friends to concerts, operas, balls, etc., to call upon
+them at their homes, to ride and drive with them, and make themselves
+agreeable to all young ladies to whom their company is acceptable. In
+fact they are at liberty to accept invitations and give them _ad
+libitum_. As soon, however, as a young gentleman neglects all others,
+to devote himself to a single lady, he gives that lady reason to suppose
+that he is particularly attracted to her, and may give her cause to
+believe that she is to become engaged to him, without telling her so. A
+gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony should not pay too
+exclusive attention to any one lady.
+
+
+A LADY'S CONDUCT TOWARD GENTLEMEN.
+
+A young lady who is not engaged may receive calls and attentions from
+such unmarried gentlemen as she desires, and may accept invitations to
+ride, to concerts, theatres, etc. She should use due discretion,
+however, as to whom she favors by the acceptance of such invitations. A
+young lady should not allow special attention from anyone to whom she is
+not specially attracted, because, first, she may do injury to the
+gentleman in seeming to give his suit encouragement; and, secondly, she
+may keep away from her those whom she likes better, but who will not
+approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already
+interested. A young lady should not encourage the addresses of a
+gentleman unless she feels that she can return his affections. It is the
+prerogative of a man to propose, and of a woman to accept or refuse, and
+a lady of tact and kind heart will exercise her prerogative before her
+suitor is brought to the humiliation of an offer which must result in a
+refusal.
+
+No well-bred lady will too eagerly receive the attentions of a
+gentleman, no matter how much she admires him; nor, on the other hand,
+will she be so reserved as to altogether discourage him. A man may show
+considerable attention to a lady without becoming a lover; and so a lady
+may let it be seen that she is not disagreeable to him without
+discouraging him. She will be able to judge soon from his actions and
+deportment, as to his motive in paying her his attentions, and will
+treat him accordingly. A man does not like to be refused when he makes a
+proposal, and no man of tact will risk a refusal. Neither will a
+well-bred lady encourage a man to make a proposal, which she must
+refuse. She should endeavor, in discouraging him as a lover, to retain
+his friendship. A young man of sensibilities, who can take a hint when
+it is offered him, need not run the risk of a refusal.
+
+
+PREMATURE DECLARATION.
+
+It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, for a gentleman to make
+a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance. A lady who
+would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the
+discretion needed to make a good wife.
+
+
+THOROUGH ACQUAINTANCE AS A BASIS FOR MARRIAGE.
+
+Perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is
+a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage. There should be
+thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes
+and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon.
+
+
+PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP.
+
+It is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship
+and proposal. In France it is the business of the parents to settle all
+preliminaries. In England the young man asks the consent of the parents
+to pay addresses to their daughter. In this country the matter is left
+almost entirely to the young people.
+
+It seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to
+engagement. Thus, a man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may
+discover before any promise binds them to each other, that they are
+entirely unsuited to one another, when he may, with perfect propriety
+and without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his attentions.
+
+Certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be
+obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage. While
+there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course, still, in this
+country, with our social customs, it is deemed best in most cases not to
+be too strict in this regard. Each case has its own peculiar
+circumstances which must govern it, and it seems at least pardonable if
+the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of
+the most interested party, before he submits himself to the cooler
+judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother, who are
+not by any means in love with him, and who may possibly regard him with
+a somewhat jealous eye, as having already monopolized their daughter's
+affections, and now desires to take her away from them altogether.
+
+
+PARENTS SHOULD EXERCISE AUTHORITY OVER DAUGHTERS.
+
+Parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their
+daughter's associates, and they should exercise their authority so far
+as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances. In regulating
+the social relations of their daughter, parents should bear in mind the
+possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come
+in frequent contact. Therefore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is
+particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be excluded as far as
+practicable from her society.
+
+
+A WATCHFUL CARE REQUIRED BY PARENTS.
+
+Parents, especially mothers, should also watch with a jealous care the
+tendencies of their daughter's affections; and if they see them turning
+toward unworthy or undesirable objects, influence of some sort should be
+brought to bear to counteract this. Great delicacy and tact are required
+to manage matters rightly. A more suitable person may, if available, be
+brought forward, in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention.
+The objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor should be made
+apparent to her without the act seeming to be intentional; and if all
+this fails, let change of scene and surroundings by travel or visiting
+accomplish the desired result. The latter course will generally do it,
+if matters have not been allowed to progress too far and the young girl
+is not informed _why_ she is temporarily banished from home.
+
+
+AN ACCEPTABLE SUITOR.
+
+Parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct just
+how matters stand with their daughter; and if the suitor is an
+acceptable one and everything satisfactory, then the most scrupulous
+rules of etiquette will not prevent their letting the young couple
+alone. If the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and consult
+her father afterward, consider that he has a perfect right to do so. If
+her parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by a silent
+consent, he has a right to believe that his addresses will be favorably
+received by them.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
+
+Respect for each other is as necessary to a happy marriage as that the
+husband and wife should have an affection for one another. Social
+equality, intellectual sympathy, and sufficient means are very important
+matters to be considered by those who contemplate matrimony.
+
+It must be remembered that husband and wife, after marriage, have social
+relations to sustain, and perhaps it will be discovered, before many
+months of wedded life have passed, when there is a social inequality,
+that one of the two have made a sacrifice for which no adequate
+compensation has been or ever will be received. And so both lives become
+soured and spoiled, because neither receives nor can receive the
+sympathy which their efforts deserve, and because their cares are
+multiplied from a want of congeniality. One or the other may find that
+the noble qualities seen by the impulse of early love, were but the
+creation of an infatuated fancy, existing only in the mind where it
+originated.
+
+Another condition of domestic happiness is intellectual sympathy. Man
+requires a woman who can make his home a place of rest for him, and
+woman requires a man of domestic tastes. While a woman who seeks to find
+happiness in a married life will never consent to be wedded to an idler
+or a pleasure-seeker, so a man of intelligence will wed none but a woman
+of intelligence and good sense. Neither beauty, physical characteristics
+nor other external qualifications will compensate for the absence of
+intellectual thought and clear and quick comprehensions. An absurd idea
+is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go
+together; that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at
+home to look after the interests of her household and children. A more
+unreasonable idea has never been suggested, for as the intellect is
+strengthened and cultured, it has a greater capacity of affection, of
+domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others.
+
+Mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for happiness in
+married life. There can be no true love without trust. The
+responsibility of a man's life is in a woman's keeping from the moment
+he puts his heart into her hands. Without mutual trust there can be no
+real happiness.
+
+Another requisite for conjugal happiness is moral and religious
+sympathy, that each may walk side by side in the same path of moral
+purpose and social usefulness, with joint hope of immortality.
+
+
+PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE.
+
+Rules in regard to proposals of marriage cannot be laid down, for they
+are and should be as different as people. The best way is to apply to
+the lady in person, and receive the answer from her own lips. If courage
+should fail a man in this, he can resort to writing, by which he can
+clearly and boldly express his feelings. A spoken declaration should be
+bold, manly and earnest, and so plain in its meaning that there can be
+no misunderstanding. As to the exact words to be used, there can be no
+set formula; each proposer must be governed by his own ideas and sense
+of propriety in the matter.
+
+
+DO NOT PRESS AN UNWELCOME SUIT.
+
+A gentleman should evince a sincere and unselfish affection for his
+beloved, and he will show as well as feel that her happiness must be
+considered before his own. Consequently he should not press an unwelcome
+suit upon a young lady. If she has no affection for him, and does not
+conceive it possible even to entertain any, it is cruel to urge her to
+give her person without her love. The eager lover may believe, for the
+time being, that such possession would satisfy him, but the day will
+surely come when he will reproach his wife that she had no love for him,
+and he will possibly make that an excuse for all manner of unkindness.
+
+
+A LADY'S FIRST REFUSAL.
+
+It is not always necessary to take a lady's first refusal as absolute.
+Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence
+a lady to reply in the negative, and after-consideration cause her to
+regret that reply.
+
+Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been
+once repulsed, still it should not be repeated too often nor too long,
+lest it should degenerate into importuning.
+
+No lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say "no" twice to a suit
+which she intends ultimately to receive with favor. A lady should be
+allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind; and if the
+gentleman grows impatient at the delay, he is always at liberty to
+insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his
+impatience.
+
+
+A LADY'S POSITIVE REFUSAL.
+
+A lady who really means "no" should be able to so say it as to make her
+meaning unmistakable. For her own sake and that of her suitor, if she
+really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive, yet kind
+and dignified, and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being
+final.
+
+
+TRIFLING WITH A LADY.
+
+A man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner. It is most
+unfair to a lady. He has no right to trifle with her feelings for mere
+sport, nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a
+jest.
+
+
+A DOUBTFUL ANSWER.
+
+Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer
+given under the plea of sparing the suitor's feelings. It raises false
+hopes. It renders a man restless and unsettled. It may cause him to
+express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not
+dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless.
+
+
+HOW TO TREAT A REFUSAL.
+
+As a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her,
+so no sensible man will think the worse of her, nor feel himself
+personally injured by a refusal. That it will give him pain is most
+probable. A scornful "no" or a simpering promise to "think about it" is
+the reverse of generous.
+
+In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor
+intended her by the gentleman, and to add, seriously but not
+offensively, that it is not in accordance with her inclination, or that
+circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer.
+
+
+UNLADYLIKE CONDUCT TOWARD A SUITOR.
+
+It is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in
+suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the
+eyes of friends. Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of
+the offer she had received and rejected. Such an offer is a privileged
+communication. The secret of it should be held sacred. No true lady
+will ever divulge to anyone, unless it may be to her mother, the fact of
+such an offer. It is the severest breach of honor to do so. A lady who
+has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second
+opportunity for thus boasting.
+
+No true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of
+commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to
+throw a cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress, or abusing
+his confidence, must be inexpressibly painful to her.
+
+
+THE REJECTED SUITOR.
+
+The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Etiquette demands that
+he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field.
+He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she assign it,
+he is bound to respect her secret, if it is one, and to hold it
+inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with
+marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste. The proper
+course is to withdraw as much as possible, from the circles in which she
+moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be otherwise
+than painful.
+
+
+PRESENTS AFTER ENGAGEMENT.
+
+When a couple become engaged, the gentleman presents the lady with a
+ring, which is worn on the ring-finger of the right hand. He may also
+make her other small presents from time to time, until they are married,
+but if she has any scruples about accepting them, he can send her
+flowers, which are at all times acceptable.
+
+
+CONDUCT OF THE FIANCEE.
+
+The conduct of the _fiancee_ should be tender, assiduous and
+unobtrusive. He will be kind and polite to the sisters of his betrothed
+and friendly with her brothers. Yet he must not be in any way unduly
+familiar or force himself into family confidences on the ground that he
+is to be regarded as a member of the family. Let the advance come rather
+from them to him, and let him show a due appreciation of any confidences
+which they may be pleased to bestow upon him. The family of the young
+man should make the first advances toward an acquaintance with his
+future wife. They should call upon her or write to her, and they may
+with perfect propriety invite her to visit them in order that they may
+become acquainted.
+
+
+THE POSITION OF AN ENGAGED WOMAN.
+
+An engaged woman should eschew all flirtations, though it does not
+follow that she is to cut herself off from all association with the
+other sex because she has chosen her future husband. She may still have
+friends and acquaintances, she may still receive visits and calls, but
+she must try to conduct herself in such a manner as to give no offense.
+
+
+POSITION OF AN ENGAGED MAN.
+
+The same rules may be laid down in regard to the other party to the
+contract, only that he pays visits instead of receiving them. Neither
+should assume a masterful or jealous altitude toward the other. They are
+neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but must
+mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before, and take the
+same delight in friendship. The fact that they have confessed their love
+for each other, ought to be deemed a sufficient guarantee of
+faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust and confidence.
+
+
+THE RELATIONS OF AN ENGAGED COUPLE.
+
+A young man has no right to put a slight upon his future bride by
+appearing in public with other ladies while she remains neglected at
+home. He is in future her legitimate escort. He should attend no other
+lady when she needs his services; she should accept no other escort when
+he is at liberty to attend her. A lady should not be too demonstrative
+of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the
+chance of "a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip;" and over-demonstrations
+of love are not pleasant to be remembered by a young lady, if the man to
+whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband. An
+honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such
+demonstration. He will always maintain a respectful and decorous
+demeanor toward her.
+
+No young man who would shrink from being guilty of a great impropriety,
+should ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock, unless it be the
+common custom of the family to remain up and to entertain visitors to a
+later hour, and the visit paid is a family one and not a _tete-a-tete_.
+Two hours is quite long enough for a call; and the young man will give
+evidence of his affection no less than his consideration, by making his
+visits short, and, if need be, making them often, rather than by
+prolonging to unreasonable hours.
+
+
+LOVERS' DISPUTES.
+
+Neither party should try to make the other jealous for the purpose of
+testing his or her affection. Such a course is contemptible; and if the
+affections of the other are permanently lost by it, the offending party
+is only gaining his or her just deserts. Neither should there be
+provocation to little quarrels for the foolish delight of
+reconciliation. No lover will assume a domineering attitude over his
+future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape from his thrall
+before she becomes his wife in reality. A domineering lover will be
+certain to be more domineering as a husband.
+
+
+BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT.
+
+Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engagement. Many circumstances
+will justify this. Indeed anything which may occur or be discovered
+which shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable or unhappy one
+is, and should be accepted as, justification for such rupture. Still,
+breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing, and
+ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons. It is
+generally best to break an engagement by letter. By this means one can
+express himself or herself more clearly, and give the true reason for
+his or her course much better than in a personal interview. The letter
+breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything, in the way
+of portraits, letters or gifts, that has been received during the
+engagement. Such letters should be acknowledged in a dignified manner,
+and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the
+decision of the writer, unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly
+mistaken in his or her premises. A similar return of letters, portraits
+and gifts should be made.
+
+Many men, in taking retrospective glances, remember how they were
+devoted to women, the memory of whom calls up only a vague sort of
+wonder how they ever could have fallen into the state of infatuation in
+which they once were. The same may be said of many women. Heart-breaking
+separations have taken place between young men and young women who have
+learned that the sting of parting does not last forever. The heart,
+lacerated by a hopeless or misplaced attachment, when severed from the
+cause of its woe, gradually heals and prepares itself to receive fresh
+wounds, for affection requires either a constant contemplation of, or
+intercourse, with its object, to keep it alive.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+Etiquette of Weddings.
+
+
+The circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied, and the
+religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous, that to lay
+down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great
+difficulty, if not an impossibility. Consequently only those forms of
+marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies, and all the attendant
+ceremonials will here be given, and others may be modeled after them as
+the occasion may seem to require. After the marriage invitations are
+issued, the _fiancee_ does not appear in public. It is also _de rigueur_
+at morning weddings, that she does not see the bridegroom on the
+wedding-day, until they meet at the altar.
+
+
+THE BRIDEMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN.
+
+Only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be
+bridemaids--the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom, where it is
+possible. The bridegroom chooses his best man and the groomsmen and
+ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from
+the relatives of his _fiancee_ of a suitable age. The dresses of the
+bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make
+it necessary.
+
+
+THE BRIDAL COSTUME.
+
+The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high
+corsage, a long wide veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a
+wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can
+continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the
+ceremony.
+
+
+COSTUMES OF THE BRIDEGROOM AND USHERS.
+
+The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning
+dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and
+light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear
+gloves of some delicate color.
+
+
+PRESENTS OF THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.
+
+Where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day,
+they generally consist of some articles of jewelry, not costly, and
+given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic
+worth. The bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some
+quaint device, or some other slight memento of the day, as a slight
+acknowledgment of their services.
+
+
+CEREMONIALS WHEN THERE ARE NO USHERS OR BRIDEMAIDS.
+
+When there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the
+church are as follows: The members of the bride's family proceed to the
+church before the bride, who follows with her mother. The bridegroom
+awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother. They
+walk up the aisle to the altar, the mother falling back to her position
+on the left. The father, or relative representing him, conducts the
+bride to the bridegroom, who stands at the altar with his face turned
+toward her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the left. The
+relatives follow, taking their places standing; those of the bride to
+the left, those of the groom to the right. After kneeling at the altar
+for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the bridegroom, takes
+the glove off from her left hand, while he takes the glove off from his
+right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her
+away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler form
+than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the
+clergyman. Perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties
+during the ceremony.
+
+The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's right arm, and they
+pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It is
+considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles
+while in the church.
+
+The bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage, the rest
+following in their carriages.
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO THE CEREMONY ONLY.
+
+When the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive, it has
+become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called
+to the wedding breakfast, to attend the ceremony at church. This stands
+in the place of issuing cards. No one must think of calling on the newly
+married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at
+church, or cards after their establishment in their new home.
+
+
+THE LATEST CEREMONIALS.
+
+The latest New York form for conducting the marriage ceremony is
+substantially as follows:
+
+When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in
+pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right. Behind them
+follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar he turns, faces the
+aisle, and watches intently for the coming of his bride. After a slight
+interval the bridemaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the
+left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely
+veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes
+forward a few steps to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the
+altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents of the
+bride, having followed her, stand just behind her and partly to the
+left. The services by the clergyman now proceed as usual.
+
+While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the
+bridemaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they
+afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her
+own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the
+reception room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his--the
+first bridemaid retaining the place of honor.
+
+
+THE USHERS' DUTIES.
+
+The ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts
+to parties, who arrive slowly from the church, conducting them to the
+bridal party, and there presenting them by name. This announcement
+becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought
+together for the first time. If ladies are present without gentlemen,
+the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room, or
+provide them with attendants.
+
+At the church the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the
+inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies, as they enter,
+to their proper seats in the church. If a lady be accompanied by a
+gentleman, the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown
+her. The ushers, knowing the two families, understand where to place the
+nearer, and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party,
+the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance, and
+the bride's upon the left. The distribution of guests places the father
+(or guardian) of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony.
+
+
+ANOTHER FORM OF CHURCH CEREMONIALS.
+
+The ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be
+varied to suit the taste. Precedents for the style already described are
+found among the highest social circles in New York and other large
+cities, but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their
+grandmothers, which is almost strictly an American fashion. In this
+style, the bridemaids, each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman, first
+pass up the aisle to the altar, the ladies going to their left, and the
+gentlemen to their right. The groom follows with the bride's mother, or
+some one to represent her, leaning on his arm, whom he seats in a front
+pew at the left. The bride follows, clinging to the arm of her father
+(or near relative), who leads her to the groom. The father waits at her
+left and a step or two back of her, until asked to give her away, which
+he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the
+clergyman. After this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew,
+and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church.
+
+In case there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs,
+just in advance of the groom, and parting at the altar, half of them
+stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is
+congratulating the bride, they pass out in pairs, a little in advance of
+the wedded couple.
+
+
+WEDDINGS AT HOME.
+
+Weddings at home vary but little from those at church. The music, the
+assembling of friends, the _entree_ of the bridal party to the position
+selected, are the same. An altar of flowers, and a place of kneeling can
+be easily arranged at home. The space behind the altar need be no wider
+than is allowed for the clergyman to stand. The altar is generally only
+a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or
+blossoms. Other floral accessories, such as the marriage-bell,
+horseshoe, or white dove, etc., can be arranged with ease by a skillful
+florist, if desired.
+
+When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places
+and face their friends, who proceed to congratulate them. If space be
+required, the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed, a little
+later, without observation.
+
+
+THE EVENING WEDDING.
+
+If the wedding occur in the evening, the only difference in the
+ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen
+wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for
+their journey before the dancing party disperses, and thus leave
+unobserved. At the morning wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives
+remain to witness the departure of the pair.
+
+
+"AT HOME" RECEPTIONS.
+
+When the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own, it
+is customary to issue "at home" cards for a few evenings, at an early
+date after the wedding, for informal receptions. Only such persons are
+invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends, or perhaps only
+those whom they can afford to retain. This is a suitable opportunity to
+carefully re-arrange one's social list, and their list of old
+acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of
+housekeeping. This custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a
+social necessity, and nobody is offended.
+
+
+CALLS.
+
+All guests and friends who receive "at home" invitations, or who are
+invited to the church, are required by etiquette to call upon the family
+of the bride, or to leave their cards, within ten days after the
+wedding.
+
+
+THE WEDDING RING.
+
+All churches at present use the ring, and vary the sentiment of its
+adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites. A jeweled
+ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at
+present a plain gold circlet, with the date of the engagement inscribed
+within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the
+altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring
+is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church, or
+as soon after the service as is convenient. It stands guard over its
+precious fellow, and is a confirmation of the first promise.
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE CEREMONIALS OF A WIDOW.
+
+The marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in
+not wearing the veil and orange blossoms. She may be costumed in white
+and have her maids at the altar if she pleases. This liberty, however,
+has only been given her within a few years. On her wedding cards of
+invitation, her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name; which
+is done in respect to her parents. Having dropped the initials of her
+dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning, she uses her
+Christian name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she
+becomes again a wife, she may prefix the last name of her children to
+her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in
+common with herself. This respect is really due them, and etiquette
+permits it, although our social usages do not command its adoption. The
+formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated
+in the same manner as those of a younger bride. No fixed forms can be
+arranged for entertainments, which must be controlled by circumstances.
+
+
+INVITATIONS.
+
+Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script. Neither Old
+English nor German text are admissible in invitations. The following is
+given as the latest form for invitations:
+
+ [Illustration:
+              Mr. & Mrs. Theodore Grosser
+          _request your presence at the marriage
+                   of their daughter_,
+                 =Miss Felicia Grosser=
+                          _to_
+                =Mr. Julius C. Forsyth=,
+            _on Wednesday, September 5th, at_
+                     _12 o'clock._
+                 _St. Luke's Church,_
+                     _Cass Avenue._]
+
+This invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns and
+cities receiving it, inclose their cards, and send by mail. Residents
+call on the family within the prescribed time, or as soon after as
+possible.
+
+The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same
+envelope, generally conveyed on a square card, the same size as the
+sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it
+has been once folded across the middle. The following is one of the
+adopted forms:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                 _At Home,_
+          _Wednesday, September 5th,_
+           _from 12 until 3 o'clock._
+              _20 Main Avenue._]
+
+The separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary.
+
+The card of admission to the church is narrower, and is plainly engraved
+in large script, as follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+            _St. Luke's Church,_
+          _Ceremony at 12 o'clock._]
+
+Generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the
+reception.
+
+
+DUTIES OF THOSE INVITED.
+
+People who receive "At Home" wedding invitations, are expected to
+acknowledge them as soon as received, and never fail to accept, unless
+for some very good reason. Guests invited to the house, or to a marriage
+feast following the ceremony, should not feel at liberty to decline from
+any whim or caprice.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS OF THE BRIDEMAIDS AND USHERS.
+
+Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some
+unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating, thus showing
+their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to
+this honored position. If by reason of sudden affliction, some one of
+the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending, a substitute
+should, if possible, be provided immediately. The reasons for this,
+however, should be well understood, that no opportunity may be given for
+uncharitable comments.
+
+
+BRIDAL PRESENTS.
+
+When bridal presents are given, they are sent to the bride previous to
+the day of the marriage ceremony. As the universal bridal present has
+fallen into disuse, this custom is not now considered obligatory, and if
+immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents, it should be
+spontaneous, and in no sense considered obligatory. These presents are
+not put on exhibition as formerly, but are acknowledged by the bride in
+a private note to the donor. It is not now considered in good form to
+talk about these contributions.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE CEREMONIES.
+
+In weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided, who is
+expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened. He
+arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door
+to the pavement, and if the weather be inclement, he sees that an
+awning is also spread. He also sees that a white ribbon is stretched
+across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to
+afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews
+of the main aisle. Sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle,
+so as to divide those who come in wedding garments, from those who do
+not. The organist should be early at his post, and is expected to play
+during the arrival of guests. The order of the religious part of the
+marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs.
+
+
+THE WEDDING FEES.
+
+There is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony. It is
+regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom, but
+no less amount than five dollars should be given under any
+circumstances.
+
+
+THE CONGRATULATIONS.
+
+At wedding receptions, friends who congratulate the newly married couple
+should address the bride first, if they have any previous acquaintance
+with her, then the bridegroom, then the bridemaids, and after that the
+parents and family of the bride and groom. They should give their good
+wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom. If they are
+acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride, let them address
+him first and he will introduce them to his bride.
+
+
+THE BRIDAL TOUR.
+
+The honeymoon of repose, exempt from all claims of society, is now
+prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion, and the same
+arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour. It is no longer
+_de rigueur_ to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling,
+when a newly married couple depart upon a tour.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+Home Life and Etiquette.
+
+
+Home is the woman's kingdom, and there she reigns supreme. To embellish
+that home, to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones
+committed to her trust, is the honored task which it is the wife's
+province to perform. All praise be to her who so rules and governs in
+that kingdom, that those reared beneath her roof "shall rise up and call
+her blessed."
+
+
+A HOME.
+
+After marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home.
+This can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel, and not
+always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife. It will
+oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate
+association of relatives or friends, acquaintances or strangers, and
+here husband and wife may begin in reality, that new life of which they
+have had fond dreams; and upon their own actions must depend their
+future welfare.
+
+
+HOME COMPANIONSHIP.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+Husband and wife should remember, when starting out upon their newly
+wedded life, that they are to be life companions, that the affection
+they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long
+devotion to one another's welfare and happiness, that the closest
+friendship must be begotten from their early love, and that each must
+live and work for the other. They must seek to be congenial companions
+to each other, so that every hour they pass together will be mutually
+enjoyable. They should aim to have the same tastes so that what one
+enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other, and what is distasteful to
+one shall be no less so to the other. Each should yield in matters where
+it is right to yield, and be firm only where duty is concerned. With a
+firm trust in one another they should ever abide, that each may say to
+the world, "I possess one on whose character and heart I can lean as
+upon a rock."
+
+
+CONDUCT OF HUSBAND AND WIFE.
+
+Let neither ever deceive the other, or do anything to shake the other's
+confidence, for once deceived, the heart can never wholly trust again.
+Fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism, and then
+with loving words and pleasant looks. Make allowances for one another's
+weaknesses, and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them. For
+the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and
+give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness, and in doing so
+they will prepare themselves for the work God gives the parents of
+training lives for usefulness here and hereafter. Their motto should be
+"faithful unto death in all things," and they must exercise forbearance
+with each other's peculiarities.
+
+Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may
+utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers,
+that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one
+another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if
+either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that
+no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.
+
+If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life,
+they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated,
+then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better
+or for worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for
+having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long
+companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience,
+however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses
+which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as
+plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as
+the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."
+
+
+DUTIES OF THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.
+
+The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves
+the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband
+feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand
+she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best
+calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love,
+plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of
+fortune can change or diminish it.
+
+She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits
+of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and
+strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover
+and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and
+tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she
+appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as
+kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should
+bear in mind that to retain the good opinion of her husband is worth
+far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of
+society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her
+husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.
+
+She should be careful not to confide to another any small
+misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should
+any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony
+that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such
+misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives
+from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations
+will be speedily resumed.
+
+
+THE WIFE A HELPMATE.
+
+A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters,
+keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding
+against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at
+work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be
+economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that
+he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more
+heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the
+luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife
+possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can
+counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult
+the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to
+high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and temporal comfort; be ever
+ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts
+from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and
+happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very
+great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all
+things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if,
+perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent
+temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own
+part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself
+as to calm his perturbed spirits.
+
+
+A HUSBAND'S DUTIES.
+
+It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make
+married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts
+by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to
+be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new
+home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole
+current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his
+wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself,
+even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his
+affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship,
+such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments
+should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their
+intellectual, moral and social advancement.
+
+The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude the attentions
+due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of
+the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving
+her husband important advice about various details of his business, and
+if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to
+govern her expenditures accordingly.
+
+It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to
+instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their
+discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In
+household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never
+interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his
+duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social
+gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both
+mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social
+gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening
+entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to
+attend, neither is it fit for him.
+
+While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her
+faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all
+places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and
+give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any
+disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time,
+and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of
+having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any
+disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing
+them. He should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the
+welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the
+happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and
+charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.
+
+The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect
+gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above
+all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so
+endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the
+many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife
+cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are
+nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and
+wife, parents and children.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+Home Training.
+
+
+Our earliest and best recollections are associated with home. There the
+first lessons of infancy are learned. The mother's heart is the child's
+first school-room. The parents' examples are first imitated by the
+child, whose earliest impressions are gained from them. In no way are
+evil habits more effectually propagated than by example, and therefore
+parents should be what they wish their children to be.
+
+
+THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.
+
+To the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her
+children those seeds of love, which, nurtured and fostered, will bear
+the fruit of earnest and useful lives. It is she who must fit them to
+meet the duties and emergencies of life, and in this work of training
+she keeps her heart fresh and young, and thereby insures the growth of
+those powers with which nature has endowed her.
+
+As the faculties of man, woman or child are brought into active
+exercise, so do they become strengthened, and the mother, in doing her
+work in the training of her children, grows in wisdom, in knowledge and
+in power, thus enabling her the better to perform her duties.
+
+
+PARENTS SHOULD SET GOOD EXAMPLES.
+
+As children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of
+their parents, the latter should be circumspect in all their actions,
+manners and modes of speech. If you wish your children's faces illumined
+with good humor, contentment and satisfaction, so that they will be
+cheerful, joyous and happy, day by day, then must your own countenance
+appear illumined by the sunshine of love. Kind words, kind deeds and
+loving looks are true works of charity, and they are needed in our home
+circle.
+
+          Never a tear bedims the eye,
+            That time and patience can not dry;
+          Never a lip is curved with pain,
+            That can not be kissed into smiles again.
+
+Your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal
+lightly with the reputation of another--if they hear you slander or
+revile your neighbor. If you wish your child to show charity toward the
+erring, you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue
+yourself. Without this your teaching will be of but little avail. If you
+take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others, if you refuse to
+cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity, your example
+will nullify your teaching, and your admonitions will be lost.
+
+
+COURTESIES IN THE HOME CIRCLE.
+
+Mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies
+of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and
+strangers. This is the only way in which you can secure to them the
+daily enjoyment of a happy home. When the external forms of courtesy are
+disregarded in the family circle, we are sure to find contention and
+bickering perpetually recurring. Rudeness is a constant source of
+bickering. Each will have his own way of being rude, and each will be
+angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest, thus
+provoking accusations and retorts. Where the rule of life is to do good
+and to make others happy, there will be found the art of securing a
+happy home. It is said that there is something higher in politeness than
+Christian moralists have recognized. In its best forms, none but the
+truly religious man can show it, for it is the sacrifice of self in the
+habitual matters of life--always the best test of our principles--together
+with a respect for man as our brother, under the same great destiny.
+
+
+EARLY MORAL TRAINING.
+
+The true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in
+giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to
+meet the duties and the struggles of life, and not by the variety of
+knowledge acquired. The development of the powers of the mind and its
+cultivation are the work of a teacher; moral training is the work of
+the mother, and commences long before one word of precept can be
+understood. Children should be early taught to regard the rights of
+others, that they may early learn the rights which property confers and
+not entertain confused ideas upon this subject.
+
+
+FORMATION OF HABITS.
+
+Virtue is the child of good habits, and the formation of habits may be
+said to almost constitute the whole work of education. The mother can
+create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain
+that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions, and
+power to fight temptation, and which makes obedience to principle
+comparatively easy, under most circumstances. The social and domestic
+life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature. It is
+not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or
+society consists, but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for
+the rights and feelings of those around us. Whatever may be the precepts
+for a home, the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits.
+Parents who indulge in gossip, scandal, slander and tale-telling, will
+rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits. A
+parent's example outlines the child's character. It sinks down deep into
+his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil. A parent
+should carefully avoid speaking evil of others, and should never exhibit
+faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover. A parent's example
+should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking, of tattling
+and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others. Let the
+mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she
+will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire
+the habit of bridling the tongue, but they will learn to avoid the
+presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper.
+
+
+POLITENESS AT HOME.
+
+Genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love, and those who
+are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when
+abroad. When parents receive any little attention from their children,
+they should thank them for it. They should ask a favor only in a
+courteous way; never reply to questions in monosyllables, or indulge in
+the rudeness of paying no attention to a question, for such an example
+will be surely followed by the children. Parents sometimes thoughtlessly
+allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle,
+which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society.
+
+
+HOW TO REPROVE.
+
+Parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children,
+nor humiliate them before others. This will not only cause suffering to
+little sensitive hearts, but will tend to harden them. Reproof, if
+needed, should be administered to each child singly and alone.
+
+
+CHEERFULNESS AT THE TABLE.
+
+Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the
+table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and
+invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with
+it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the
+table, nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious
+difference. Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct,
+interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps
+should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table,
+nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and
+gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and
+agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the
+table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything,
+and no unkind word should be spoken. If remarks are to be made of absent
+ones, they should be of a kind and charitable nature. Thus will the
+family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when
+the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps,
+have been laid in their final resting-place.
+
+
+TRAIN CHILDREN FOR SOME OCCUPATION.
+
+Chancellor Kent says: "Without some preparation made in youth for the
+sequel of life, children of all conditions would probably become idle
+and vicious when they grow up, from want of good instruction and habits,
+and the means of subsistence, or from want of rational and useful
+occupations. A parent who sends his son into the world without educating
+him in some art, science, profession or business, does great injury to
+mankind, as well as to his son and his own family, for he defrauds the
+community of a useful citizen, and bequeaths to it a nuisance. That
+parent who trains his child for some special occupation, who inspires
+him with a feeling of genuine self-respect, has contributed a useful
+citizen to society."
+
+
+BAD TEMPER.
+
+Dread an insubordinate temper, and deal with it as one of the greatest
+evils. Let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion
+for the rest of the family when he is in anger. Allow no one to speak to
+him at such times, not even to answer a question. Take from him books,
+and whatever he may have, and place him where he shall feel that the
+indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment, and he
+will soon learn to control himself.
+
+
+SELFISHNESS.
+
+Selfishness that binds the miser in his chains, that chills the heart,
+must never be allowed a place in the family circle. Teach the child to
+share his gifts and pleasures with others, to be obliging, kind and
+benevolent, and the influence of such instruction may come back into
+your own bosom, to bless your latest hours.
+
+
+HOME MAXIMS FOR TRAINING CHILDREN.
+
+Remember that children are men and women in miniature, and though they
+should be allowed to act as children, still our dealings with them
+should be manly and not morose. Remember also that every word, tone and
+gesture, nay, even your dress, makes an impression.
+
+Never correct a child on suspicion, or without understanding the whole
+matter, nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline.
+
+Be always mild and cheerful in their presence, communicative, but never
+extravagant, trifling or vulgar in language or gesture. Never trifle
+with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong.
+
+Always follow commands with a close and careful watch, until the thing
+is done, allowing no evasion and no modification, unless the child ask
+for it, and it be expressly granted.
+
+Never reprove children severely in company, nor hold them up to
+ridicule, nor make light of their failings.
+
+Never speak in an impatient, pitiful manner, if you have occasion to
+find fault.
+
+Never say to a child, "I don't believe what you say," nor even imply
+your doubts. If you have such feelings, keep them to yourself and wait;
+the truth will eventually be made plain.
+
+Never disappoint the confidence a child places in you, whether it be a
+thing placed in your care or a promise.
+
+Always give prompt attention to a child when he speaks, so as to
+prevent repeated calls, and that he may learn to give prompt attention
+when you call him.
+
+Never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger, or talk
+to him of God, as it will not have the desired effect. Do it under more
+favorable circumstances.
+
+At the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming
+manner, not to tease when denied, nor to leave his chair without asking.
+A parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should
+be made.
+
+Even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence.
+
+There should never be two sets of manners, the one for home and the
+other for company, but a gentle behavior should be always required.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration:     MUSIC.
+          "A protection against vice,
+           An incentive to virtue."]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+Home Culture.
+
+
+The work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to
+every one, for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes, as well
+as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven. The
+sufferings endured here, friend for friend, parents for children,
+unrequited sacrifices, cares and tears, all tend to discipline us, and
+prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings.
+
+
+CULTIVATE MORAL COURAGE.
+
+Moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that
+you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and
+true, without being influenced by the views of others; thus showing them
+that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty. Perhaps this
+may be difficult to do, but every mother can at least show her
+appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others, and
+in this way incite its growth in the souls of her children. Moral
+courage is a rare endowment, and those who possess it are able to act
+with perfect independence of the opinions of others, and govern
+themselves only by the laws of propriety, uprightness and charity.
+
+
+THE PERNICIOUS INFLUENCE OF INDOLENCE.
+
+If you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of
+indolence and all its corrupting tendencies, you must be earnest in
+purpose, active, energetic and fervent in spirit. Earnestness sharpens
+the faculties; indolence corrodes and dulls them. By the former we rise
+higher and higher, by the latter we sink lower and lower. Indolence
+begets discontent, envy and jealousy, while labor elevates the mind and
+character. Cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep
+their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage,
+and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness, if you would secure
+their future well-being.
+
+It has been said that he who performs no useful act in society, who
+makes no human being happier, is leading a life of utter selfishness--a
+life of sin--for a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is
+nowhere room for idleness. Work is both a duty and a necessity of our
+nature, and a befitting reward will ever follow it. To foster and
+encourage labor in some useful form, is a duty which parents should urge
+upon their children, if they should seek their best good.
+
+
+SELF-RESPECT.
+
+It is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from
+the many pit-falls which surround them, such as malice, envy, conceit,
+avariciousness, and other evils, by being clad in the armor of
+self-respect; and then they will be able to encounter temptation and
+corruption, unstained and unpolluted. This feeling of self-respect is
+something stronger than self-reliance, higher than pride. It is an
+energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good, watching
+with a never-ceasing vigilance. It is the sense of duty and the sense of
+honor combined. It is an armor, which, though powerless to shield from
+sorrows that purify and invigorate, yet will avert all hostile
+influences that assail, from whatever source they come. The mother
+having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they
+carry with them such an angel to shield, warn and rescue them, may let
+them go out into the world, and fear nothing from the wiles and
+temptations which may beset them.
+
+
+RESULTS OF GOOD-BREEDING IN THE HOME CIRCLE.
+
+The laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than
+in the home circle. Here, tempered with love, and nurtured by all kindly
+impulses, they bear the choicest fruit. A true lady will show as much
+courtesy, and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward
+every member of her family as toward her most distinguished guest. A
+true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his
+intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example.
+Children influenced by such examples at home, will never fail to show to
+their elders the respect due them, to their young companions the same
+consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in
+return, nor to servants that patience which even the best too often
+require. In such a home peace and good will are the household gods.
+
+
+FAULT-FINDING AND GRUMBLING.
+
+The oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run
+smoothly. The habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some,
+is an exceedingly vexatious one, and will, in time, ruffle the calmest
+spirit and the sweetest temper. It is the little annoyances,
+perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden; the
+little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that
+perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore. Constant fault-finding,
+persistent misrepresentations of motives, suspicions of evil where no
+evil was intended, will complete the work in all but the finest and most
+heroic natures. They alone can stand the fiery test, coming out purer
+and stronger for the ordeal. Children who habitually obey the
+commandment, "Be kind to one another," will find in mature life, how
+strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the
+household together.
+
+
+FAMILY JARS NOT TO BE MADE PUBLIC.
+
+Whatever may be the family disagreements, they should never be made
+known outside of the home circle, if it can be avoided. Those who expose
+the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the
+world, and no provocation can be a good excuse for it. It is exceedingly
+vulgar, not to say unchristianlike, for the members of the same family
+to be at enmity with one another.
+
+
+YIELDING TO ONE ANOTHER.
+
+One of the greatest disciplines of human life, is that which teaches us
+to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so, even in
+trifling, every-day affairs; the wife to the husband, children to
+parents, to teachers and to one another. In cases where principle is
+concerned, it is, of course, necessary to be firm, which requires an
+exercise of moral courage.
+
+
+CONFLICTING INTERESTS.
+
+Conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties. The
+command of Christ to the two brothers who came to Him with their
+disputes, "Beware of covetousness," is as applicable among members of
+the same family now, as it was when those words were spoken. It is
+better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is
+near and dear to you, and connected by family ties. In business
+relations men are apt to be very exact, because of their habits of
+business, and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and
+relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives. Upon this rock many a
+bark of family love has been wrecked.
+
+
+RELIGIOUS EDUCATION.
+
+It is well to remember that every blessing of our lives, every joy of
+our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway, have had their
+origin in religion, and may be traced in all their hallowed, healthful
+influences to the Bible. With the dawn of childhood, then, in the
+earliest days of intelligence, should the mind be impressed and stored
+with religious truth, and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface
+it. It should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when
+it began to learn; it will then have the character of innate, inbred
+principles, incorporated with their very being.
+
+
+OBEDIENCE.
+
+If you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual,
+teach your children to obey. Government in a family is the great
+safeguard of religion and morals, the support of order and the source of
+prosperity. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a
+family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, and there
+is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child.
+
+
+INFLUENCE OF EXAMPLE.
+
+Never forget that the first book children read is their parents'
+example--their daily deportment. If this is forgotten you may find, in
+the loss of your domestic peace, that while your children well know the
+right path, they follow the wrong.
+
+Childhood is like a mirror, catching and reflecting images all around
+it. Remember that an impious, profane or vulgar thought may operate upon
+the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished
+steel, staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface.
+
+Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity, which may
+never return. It is the seed time, and your harvest depends upon the
+seed then sown.
+
+
+THE INFLUENCE OF BOOKS.
+
+Few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of
+books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children, and
+no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the
+important work of choosing the proper books for them to read, while they
+are under her care. She should select for them such as will both
+interest and instruct, and this should be done during the early years,
+before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad
+books and sensational novels. The poison imbibed from bad books works so
+secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the
+influence of bad associates. The mother has it in her power to make
+such books the companions and friends of her children as her good
+judgment may select, and to impress upon them their truths, by
+conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual
+instructions they contain. A taste may be easily cultivated for books on
+natural science and for history, as well as for those that teach
+important and wholesome lessons for the young, such as are contained in
+the works of Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many other
+books written for the young.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+Woman's Higher Education.
+
+
+It has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children, woman
+has a great work to perform; that in this work she exerts an
+incalculable influence upon untold numbers, and that she molds the minds
+and characters of her sons and daughters. How important, then, that she
+should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent, if for no
+other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this
+great duty of educating her children. How important it is, also, that
+she should look to the higher education of her daughters, who, in turn,
+will become mothers of future generations, or may, perhaps, by some
+vicissitude of fortune, become dependent upon their own resources for
+support. With the highest culture of the mental faculties, woman will be
+best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake.
+
+
+TRAIN YOUNG WOMEN TO SOME OCCUPATION.
+
+Owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded
+many women from their homes into business and public life, women must
+train for their branch of labor as men train for their work, if they
+wish to attain any degree of success. Even where women have independent
+fortunes, their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained
+to some occupation, that, in case of reverses, may be made a
+self-sustaining one. A young woman who is able to support herself,
+increases her chances for a happy marriage, for, not being obliged to
+rely upon a husband for support or for a home, she is able to judge
+calmly of an offer when it comes, and is free to accept or decline,
+because of her independence. Women are capable of and adapted to a large
+number of employments, which have hitherto been kept from them, and some
+of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex. In
+order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open
+to herself, she needs a special education and training to fit her for
+such employment.
+
+
+EDUCATION OF GIRLS TOO SUPERFICIAL.
+
+The school instruction of our girls is too superficial. There is a
+smattering of too many branches, where two or three systematically
+studied and thoroughly mastered, would accomplish much more for them in
+the way of a sound mental training, which is the real object of
+education. The present method of educating young girls is to give them
+from five to ten studies, in which they prepare lessons, and this, too,
+at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by
+excess of mental labor. Such a course of instruction, bestowing only a
+smattering of many branches, wastes the powers of the mind, and deters,
+rather than aids, self-improvement. It is only a concentration of the
+mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens
+the reflective, and forms the reasoning, faculties, and thus helps to
+lay a solid foundation for future usefulness. The word education means
+to educe, to draw out the powers of the mind; not the cramming into it
+of facts, dates and whole pages to be repeated _verbatim_.
+
+
+AN EDUCATION APPROPRIATE TO EACH SEX.
+
+The fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education
+appropriate to each sex; that identical education for the two sexes is
+so unnatural, that physiology protests against it and experience weeps
+over it. The physiological motto in education is, "Educate a man for
+manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer,
+in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls, says:
+"It is an astonishing fact that, though on the treatment of offspring
+depend their lives or deaths, and their moral welfare or ruin, yet not
+one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those
+who will, by and by, be parents." It will thus be seen, that as women
+have the care, the training and the education of children, they need an
+education in a special direction, and should have a very thorough one,
+to prepare them for the task.
+
+
+WOMEN SHOULD HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAWS OF HEALTH.
+
+Physiology is one of the branches of that higher education, which should
+be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various
+duties of their allotted stations. Yet it is also desirable that they
+should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake,
+and a mastery of the studies pursued by them; for the want of
+thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all
+branches of labor. But woman should especially have a thorough knowledge
+of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If she becomes a mother, such
+knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her
+children. She will understand that when she sends out her child
+insufficiently clad, and he comes home chilled through, that his
+vitality, his power of resisting disease, is wasted. She will know that
+by taking the necessary precautions, she may save the child's life; that
+she must not take him thus chilled, to the fire or into a room highly
+heated, but that by gentle exercise or friction, she must restore the
+circulation of the blood, and in using such precautions, she may ward
+off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were
+neglected. This is but a single case, for there are instances of almost
+daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward
+off disease, in her own case, as well as in those of various members of
+her household. The diseases which carry off children, are for the most
+part, such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them,
+pet them, educate them, and who would, in many cases, lay down their
+lives for them.
+
+
+RESULT OF IGNORANCE OF SANITARY LAWS.
+
+Ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms
+is the cause of a vast amount of disease. From ignorance of the signs of
+approaching disease, children are often punished for idleness,
+listlessness, sulkiness and wilfulness, and this punishment is too often
+by confinement in a closed room, and by an increase of tasks; when what
+is really needed is more oxygen, more open-air exercise, and less study.
+These forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and
+brain fevers. Knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the
+waste of health and strength in the young, and will also spare anxiety
+and misery to those who love and tend them. If the time devoted to the
+many trashy so-called "accomplishments" in a young lady's education,
+were given to a study of the laws of preserving health, how many
+precious lives might be spared to loving parents, and how many frail and
+delicate forms, resulting from inattention to physical training, might
+have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls. We are all in
+duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature, on which the welfare
+of our bodies depends, for the full enjoyment of our faculties can only
+be attained when the body is in perfect health.
+
+
+IDLENESS A SOURCE OF MISERY.
+
+Perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is
+idleness. The want of something to do is what makes people wicked and
+miserable. It breeds selfishness, mischief-making, envy, jealousy and
+vice, in all its most dreadful forms. It is the duty of mothers to see
+that their daughters are trained to habits of industry, that their minds
+are at all times occupied, that they are well informed as to household
+duties, and to the duties of married life, for upon a knowledge of
+household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery. It is
+frequently the case, that a girl's education ends just as her mind is
+beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop. Her
+education ends when it ought properly to begin. She enters upon marriage
+entirely unprepared, and, perchance, by some misfortune, she is thrown
+penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood, for
+her education has never fitted her for any vocation. Not having been
+properly taught herself, she is not able to teach, and she finds no
+avenue of employment open to her. An English clergyman, writing upon
+this subject, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them
+take up some congenial study, let it be a branch of science or history.
+Let them write. They can do almost anything they try to do, but let
+their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters'
+lives one growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip, whether it be
+work at the easel, music, literature, the structure of the human body
+and the laws of health, any solid interest that will occupy their
+thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, frivolity and ignorance can only be
+put down by education and employment. In the last resort, the spirit of
+evil becomes teacher and task-master."
+
+
+WOMEN SHOULD CULTIVATE A SPIRIT OF INDEPENDENCE.
+
+In this country more than any other, women should, to some extent,
+cultivate a spirit of independence. They should acquire a knowledge of
+how business is transacted, of the relation between capital and labor,
+and of the value of labor, skilled and unskilled. As housekeepers, they
+would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes. If they chance to
+be left alone, widows, or orphans possessing means, they would be saved
+from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact
+their own business. And those women who are obliged to take care of
+themselves, who have no means, how necessary is it that they should have
+a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can
+maintain themselves and others dependent upon them. In this country, the
+daughter brought up in affluence, may, by some rapid change of fortune,
+be obliged, upon arriving at maturity, to be among the applicants for
+whatever employment she may be fitted. If she has been trained to some
+useful occupation, or if her faculties have been developed by a
+thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken, she will be
+better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be
+open to her. With a mind drilled by constant study she will the more
+quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or
+business to which she may devote herself.
+
+
+HEALTH AND LIFE DEPENDENT UPON A HIGHER CULTURE.
+
+Not only wealth and comfort, but health and life are dependent upon a
+higher form of culture, a more thorough course of education than is now
+the standard. Not more, but fewer branches of study and a more thorough
+comprehension of those pursued. Not only are the health and life of each
+woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives,
+but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it. In
+proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject
+will she be able to work at it easily, rapidly and successfully.
+Knowledge of physical laws saves health and life, knowledge of the laws
+of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain, knowledge of the laws of
+political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying.
+
+
+CULTIVATION OF THE MORAL SENSE.
+
+A well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well
+regulated character, which will preserve from excess those tenderer
+emotions and deeper passions of woman, which are potent in her for evil
+or for good, in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to run
+wild, or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious
+self-restraint.
+
+The girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect, her tastes,
+her emotions and her moral sense, as to be able to discern the true from
+the false, will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work
+in life is allotted to her; while she who is allowed to grow up
+ignorant, idle, vain, frivolous, will find herself fitted for no state
+of existence, and, in after years, with feelings of remorse and despair
+over a wasted life, may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was
+reposed her early education.
+
+It is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of
+their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which
+they live, for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern, and
+govern immortal souls, and for the sake of those other homes in the
+humbler walks of life, where they owe duties as ministering spirits as
+well as in their own, for in proportion as they minister to the comfort
+and health of others, so do they exalt their own souls. Women should
+seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves, and
+that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called
+upon to perform. In social life we find that the truest wives, the most
+patient and careful mothers, the most exemplary housekeepers, the model
+sisters, the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social
+influence are women of cultivated minds.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+The Art of Letter Writing.
+
+
+A French writer says, that the writing a note or letter, the wording of
+a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the
+manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray
+to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding.
+
+A person who has self-respect as well as respect for others, should
+never carelessly write a letter or note.
+
+
+REQUIREMENTS FOR CORRECT WRITING.
+
+The letter or note should be free from all flourishes. The rules of
+punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible, and no capital
+letters used where they are not required. Ink-blots, erasures, and
+stains on the paper are inadmissible. Any abbreviations of name, rank or
+title are considered rude, beyond those sanctioned by custom. No
+abbreviations of words should be indulged in, nor underlining of words
+intended to be made emphatic. All amounts of money or other numbers
+should be written, reserving the use of numerical figures for dates
+only. It is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the
+top of the sheet, especially for all business letters. For letters of
+friendship and notes, pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste
+than tinted or colored, and the paper should be of a superior quality.
+When a page is once written from left to right side, it should not be
+written over again from top to bottom.
+
+
+ANONYMOUS LETTERS.
+
+No attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters. The writers of
+such stamp themselves as cowardly, and cowards do not hesitate to say or
+write what is not true when it suits their purpose. All statements made
+in such letters should be regarded as false, and the writers as actuated
+by some bad motives. Anonymous letters should be burned at once, for
+they are not to be noticed.
+
+
+LETTERS AND NOTES.
+
+The writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes
+of invitation, and such notes are never signed.
+
+When a letter is upon business, commencing "Sir" or "Dear Sir," the name
+of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the
+close of the letter, in the left hand corner. In letters commencing with
+the name of the person to whom you are writing, as, "My Dear Mrs.
+Brown," the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner.
+
+No notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page, but
+nearer the top than the middle of the sheet.
+
+
+MANNER OF ADDRESS.
+
+In addressing a clergyman, it is customary to commence "Reverend Sir,"
+or "Dear Sir." It is not now customary to write "B.A." or "M.A." after
+his name.
+
+Doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished: "To the Rev.
+John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor
+Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."
+
+The President of the United States and Governors of States, are
+addressed "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress and men
+distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable
+nature, are addressed as "Honorable."
+
+The superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as
+legibly as possible, beginning a little to the left of the center of the
+envelope. The number of the house and name of the street may be written
+immediately under this line, or in the lower left hand corner, as the
+writer sees fit. The postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper
+right hand corner of the envelope. The following forms will show the
+appearance of a properly addressed envelope:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                 _Thos. Y. Stevens, Esq._
+                                               _Chicago,_
+          _796 Ashland Ave._                          _Ills._]
+
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                   Stamp
+
+          _Mr. Thos. Y. Stevens,_
+                _796 Ashland Avenue,_
+                              _Chicago,_
+                                     _Ills._]
+
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                                       Stamp
+
+                              _Wm. B. Houston Esq.,_
+                                             _Wooster,_
+          _Wayne County._                            _Ohio._]
+
+In sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the
+manner in which the envelope should be addressed:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                                       Stamp
+
+                               _Mrs. S.M. Thomas,_
+              _Care of_                      _St. Louis,_
+          _H.H. Johnson_                               _Mo._]
+
+In sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance, and not through the
+mail, acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope. The
+letter should not be sealed. The following is the proper form:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                    _Mrs. Julia C. Wheeler,_
+                                 _734 Simson Street,_
+          _Kindness (or Politeness) of_           _Dayton,_
+          _James Steinfield._                          _Ohio._]
+
+A note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place, by a
+messenger, may be addressed as follows, or bear the full address:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Miss Mary Wyman,_
+                    _Presented._]
+
+
+FORM OF A LETTER.
+
+ [Illustration:
+                                     _Denver, May 13, 1881._
+
+          _My Esteemed Friend:_
+
+         _I received your very good letter, and hasten to
+         reply. I am overjoyed at the prospects of a speedy
+         return to the ancient, but delightful "City of the
+         Straits," and anticipate spending a pleasant summer
+         with you and my many friends. We are making
+         preparations to leave June 5th._
+
+                       _Your old friend,_
+                                       _Joe J. Wilson_
+
+          _Geo. W. Smyth,_
+          _Detroit, Mich._]
+
+
+DEGREES OF FORMALITY OBSERVED.
+
+In commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of
+opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed, but generally this
+scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship.
+"Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My
+Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown"
+or "My Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Friend." In closing a note, the degrees
+are implied as follows: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly
+Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours,"
+"Affectionately Yours." The proper words should be carefully selected,
+as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person
+reading it. To aged persons the form, "With great respect, sincerely
+yours," recommends itself as a proper form. "Yours, etc.," is considered
+a rude ending. If you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to
+address her "My Dear Mrs. ----," do not sign "Yours Truly," or "Truly
+Yours," as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in
+business letters.
+
+
+SIGNATURE OF LADIES.
+
+A married lady should not sign herself with the "Mrs." before her
+baptismal name, or a single lady with the "Miss." In writing to
+strangers who do not know whether to address you as Mrs. or Miss, the
+address should be given in full, after signing your letter; as "Mrs.
+John Smith," followed by the direction; or if unmarried, the "Miss"
+should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature.
+
+Only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their
+baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are addressed with their
+husbands' names, as "Mrs. John Smith."
+
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
+
+Letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded. Give in
+full the name of the person introduced, the city or town he is from,
+intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will
+confer, adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced, as
+circumstances seem to require. Modest persons sometimes shrink from
+delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be
+undeservedly complimentary. Letters of introduction are left unsealed,
+to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced. They should receive
+immediate attention by the parties who receive them. When a gentleman
+delivers such a letter to a lady, he is at liberty to call upon her,
+sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then, or
+appoint another hour that will be more convenient. The same rule is to
+be observed by those whose stay in the city is short. He may also send
+it to her with his card bearing his address.
+
+A letter of introduction should not be given, unless the person writing
+it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces, and the one
+to whom he writes. If the person who receives such a letter is really
+well-bred, you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours, for a
+letter of introduction is said to be like a draft, it must be cashed at
+sight. The one receiving it either invites you to dine, or to meet
+others, or to a drive, or to visit some place of amusement. Too great
+caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands
+upon an acquaintance.
+
+When the letter of introduction is left with a card, if there is a
+gentleman in the family, he may call upon the stranger the next day,
+unless some engagement prevents, when he should send his card with an
+invitation. If the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, she may
+write a note of invitation in answer, appointing a time for him to call.
+
+The following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+ [Illustration:
+                              _New York, Dec 20, 1880._
+
+         _Dear Sir:_
+
+         _I take great pleasure in introducing to you my
+         esteemed friend, Miss Ida A Thornton, a young lady
+         of culture and refinement, who will spend a few
+         months in your city. I am sure that an acquaintance
+         with her will be a pleasure to you, as it will also
+         be to Miss Thornton. Any favor you may show her
+         during her stay in your city, I will consider a
+         personal favor._
+
+                              _Yours Sincerely,_
+                                        _Mrs. J.Q.A. Jones._
+
+         _To Geo. Morris,_
+                    _Chicago._]
+
+The envelope containing a letter of introduction, should be addressed as
+follows:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Geo. Morris, Esq._
+                   _1671 Jackson Street,_
+                                     _Chicago,_
+          _Introducing_                       _Ill._
+               _Miss Ida A. Thornton._]
+
+
+NOTES OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE.
+
+Notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief, and the letter
+should only be sent by near and intimate friends. Do not allude to any
+subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations
+or sympathy. Such notes should be made expressive of real feeling, and
+not be mere matters of form.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A RECEPTION.
+
+For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style
+is like the following, and do not require an answer unless "R.S.V.P." is
+upon one corner.
+
+ [Illustration:
+              _Mrs. J.L. Ashton,_
+                   _At home,_
+            _Wednesday Evening, Jan. 6,_
+                      _No. 248 James St_
+          _8 to 11 P.M._]
+
+
+INVITATION TO A BALL.
+
+The "At Home" form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a
+ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, though many people use the
+"At Home" form only for receptions. For balls the hours are not limited
+as at receptions. When the above form is not used for a ball, the
+invitation may read as follows:
+
+          "Mrs. Blair requests the pleasure of Miss Milton's
+          company at a ball, on Tuesday, February 7, at 9
+          o'clock."
+
+Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the
+house, and require an answer, which should not be delayed. If the
+invitation is accepted, the answer should be as follows:
+
+          "Miss Milton accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blair's
+          kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7."
+
+If it is found impossible to attend, a note of regrets, something like
+the following, should be sent:
+
+          "Miss Milton regrets that intended absence from
+          home (or whatever may be the preventing cause)
+          prevents her accepting Mrs. Blair's kind
+          invitation for February 7."
+
+
+INVITATION TO A LARGE PARTY.
+
+The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the
+words "at a ball" are omitted, and the hour may be earlier. The notes of
+acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball. If the party is a
+small one, it should be indicated by inserting the words, "to a small
+evening party," so that there may be no misunderstanding. A large party
+calls for full evening dress, and it would be embarrassing for a lady or
+gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress, expecting to find a
+large party there in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and
+acquaintances plainly dressed. If there is any special feature which is
+to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the
+note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in
+dramatic readings," "amateur theatricals," will denote the character of
+the evening's entertainment. If you have programmes, enclose one in the
+invitation.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENT.
+
+An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert, lecture,
+theatre, opera or other amusement, may read as follows:
+
+          "Mr. Hayden would be pleased to have Miss Morton's
+          company to the Academy of Music, on Monday
+          evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be
+          played by Edwin Booth's Company."
+
+An invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or
+regrets. A previous engagement may be a reason for rejection.
+
+
+DINNER INVITATIONS.
+
+These are written in the name of the husband and wife, and demand an
+immediate reply. This form may be used:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of
+          Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner, on
+          Tuesday, the 13th of January, at 7 o'clock."
+
+A note of acceptance may read as follows:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen accept with pleasure
+          Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine
+          with them on Tuesday, the 13th inst., at 7
+          o'clock."
+
+A note of regret may read:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen regret exceedingly that
+          sickness in the family (or whatever the cause may
+          be) prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene
+          Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on
+          Tuesday, January 13th."
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO TEA.
+
+An invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake
+more of the nature of a private note; thus:
+
+          "Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming to drink
+          tea with me on Thursday, and I should be glad of
+          the pleasure of your company also. Please do not
+          disappoint me."
+
+An invitation of this informal nature needs no reply, unless "R.S.V.P."
+is appended, in which case the answer must be returned, if possible, by
+the messenger who brought it, or sent at once, as your friend may depend
+upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking, and if you
+cannot go, she will want to supply your place.
+
+
+LESS FORMAL INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades, private
+theatricals, and for archery, croquet, sailing and garden parties; but,
+however informal the invitation (except only when a visiting card is
+used) on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it, by
+sending an acceptance or a regret, for any want of courtesy in this
+respect is unpardonable.
+
+
+PROMPTNESS IN ANSWERING.
+
+All invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible
+after receiving them. The French have a saying, applicable to all notes
+of invitation, to the effect that it is as important to reply as
+promptly to a note requiring an answer, as it is to a question in
+speaking. All refined people who are accustomed to the best social
+forms, consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for
+a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply.
+
+In accepting dinner invitations, repeat the hour and day named in your
+letter of acceptance, in order that if any mistake has been made it may
+be corrected.
+
+Promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive, such as receiving
+presents of books, flowers, etc.
+
+
+EXPRESSIONS TO BE USED.
+
+The expression "presents compliments" has become obsolete in the writing
+of invitations. The expression "kind" or "very kind" invitation has
+taken the place of "polite," in notes of acceptance or regret. Be
+particular to distinguish between "go" and "come," you go to a friend's
+house and your friend comes to your house.
+
+
+TIME TO SEND INVITATIONS.
+
+Invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature, can be
+sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take
+place. A notice of not less than one week is expected for such
+invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or
+large cards, with the envelopes to match, with no colors in the
+monogram, if one is used.
+
+
+INVITATIONS FOR SEVERAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY.
+
+It is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for
+several persons belonging to the same family, or to address an
+invitation "Mrs. Blank and family," as it indicates a scarcity of cards.
+One card or invitation may be sent to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and one each
+to the several members of the family who are to be invited.
+
+
+THE LEAST FORMAL INVITATIONS.
+
+The least formal, of formal invitations, is when a lady sends or leaves
+her own visiting card with the invitation upon it. An invitation of
+this kind need not be answered unless an "R.S.V.P." (_Respondez s'il
+vous plait_), is on the card. You go or not, as you please, but if you
+do not go, you call, or leave a card as soon after as is convenient.
+
+
+UNCIVIL ANSWERS.
+
+Uncivil and curt, not to say rude, answers are sometimes returned to
+invitations, more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers
+than of premeditated rudeness.
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot
+          accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday
+          evening,"
+
+is a rude form of regret.
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown decline Mrs. Moses
+          Smith's invitation for Friday evening,"
+
+is a still ruder form.
+
+A curt and thoughtless reply is:
+
+          "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown's compliments and regrets
+          for Friday evening."
+
+
+REASONS FOR REGRETS.
+
+"All regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations, should
+contain a reason for regretting," is a rule strictly observed in our
+best society, and is considered especially binding in answering a first
+invitation. If persons are in mourning, they regret that a recent
+bereavement prevents them from accepting. Those contemplating being
+absent from home, regret that contemplated absence from home prevents
+them from accepting. "A previous engagement" is made the excuse when
+there is an engagement either at home or away from it, and also when one
+has no inclination to accept; which makes it quite necessary for those
+who really regret their inability to accept, to mention what that
+engagement is.
+
+
+THE FAMILY LETTER.
+
+It seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member
+of a family to another. It is often the case that letters sent from home
+to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory, if not to a great
+extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned.
+Consequently some hint as to what those letters should be, are here
+given. They should be written as though the writer were talking, using
+familiar expressions, and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in
+ordinary speech should find a place in the letter. The writer may speak
+of many trivial things at and about home, and gossipy matters in the
+neighborhood, and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts
+and occurrences, as well as the more important ones. The writer may make
+inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself, whether he finds
+any place better than home, and ask such other questions as he may
+desire, concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various
+members of the family. The absent one may, in like manner, express
+himself freely on all subjects, describe his journey minutely, and speak
+of whatever he may feel deep interest in. In short, a family letter may
+be as gossipy as the writer can make it, without much regard to an
+attempt at showy or dignified composition.
+
+
+THE LETTER OF FRIENDSHIP.
+
+This should be of a more dignified tone, contain less trivialities than
+the family letter, and should embrace matters that will be of interest
+to both. A letter of friendship should be answered in due time,
+according to the intimacy of the parties, but should not be delayed long
+enough to allow the friendship to cool, if there is a desire to keep it
+warm.
+
+
+THE LOVE LETTER.
+
+Of this it may be only said, that while it may be expressive of sincere
+esteem and affection, it should be of a dignified tone, and written in
+such a style, that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than
+the party to whom it was written, there may be found in it nothing of
+which the writer may be ashamed, either of silliness or of extravagant
+expression.
+
+
+BUSINESS LETTERS.
+
+These should be brief and to the point, should be of plain chirography,
+and relate to the business in hand, in as few words and as clearly as
+possible. Begin at once without apology or explanation, and finish up
+the matter pertaining to the business. If an apology or explanation is
+due, it may be made briefly at the close of the letter, after the
+business has been attended to. A letter on business should be answered
+at once, or as soon as possible after receiving it.
+
+It is allowable, in some cases, upon receiving a brief business letter,
+to write the reply on the same page, beneath the original letter, and
+return both letter and answer together.
+
+Among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to
+business, applications for situations, testimonials regarding the
+character of a servant or employe, letters requesting the loan of money
+or an article, and letters granting or denying the favor; while all
+forms of drawing up notes, drafts and receipts may properly be included.
+The forms of some of these are here given.
+
+
+LETTERS REQUESTING EMPLOYMENT.
+
+A letter of this kind should be short, and written with care and
+neatness, that the writer may both show his penmanship and his
+business-like qualities, which are often judged of by the form of his
+letter. It may be after this fashion:
+
+
+                                           NEW YORK, March 1, 1880.
+
+          MESSRS. LORD & NOBLE,
+
+                            DEAR SIRS:
+
+         Having heard that you are in need of more
+         assistance in your establishment (or store, office)
+         I venture to ask you for employment. I can refer
+         you to Messrs. Jones & Smith, my late employers, as
+         to my qualifications, should you decide to consider
+         my application.
+
+                                         Yours truly,
+                                              JAMES ROBERTS.
+
+
+
+
+LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OF A SERVANT.
+
+          DEAR MADAM: Sarah Riley, having applied to me for
+          the position of cook, refers me to you for a
+          character. I feel particularly anxious to obtain a
+          good servant for the coming winter, and shall
+          therefore feel obliged by your making me
+          acquainted with any particulars referring to her
+          character, and remain, madam,
+
+                          Your very obedient servant,
+                                         MRS. GEORGE STONE.
+
+                TO MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+          MRS. GEORGE STONE,
+
+          DEAR MADAM: It gives me pleasure to say that Sarah
+          Riley lived with me for two years, and during that
+          time I found her active, diligent and efficient.
+          She is a superior cook, and I have full confidence
+          in her honesty. I feel that I can recommend her
+          with full confidence of her being likely to give
+          you satisfaction. I am, madam,
+
+                             Your very obedient servant,
+                                          MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+
+          MRS. GEORGE STONE,
+
+          DEAR MADAM: In replying to your note of inquiry, I
+          beg to inform you that Sarah Riley, who lived with
+          me in the capacity of cook, left my services
+          because I did not find her temper and habits in
+          all respects satisfactory. She was thoroughly
+          competent as a cook, but in other respects I
+          cannot conscientiously recommend her. I remain,
+
+                                       Yours, very truly,
+                                            MRS. ALFRED STARK.
+
+
+
+
+NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECEIPTS.
+
+The following are forms of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:
+
+
+_Promissory Note Without Interest._
+
+
+          $500.                    CINCINNATI, O., June 6, 1880.
+
+          Sixty days after date, I promise to pay Samuel
+          Archover, or order, at my office in Cincinnati,
+          five hundred dollars, value received.
+
+                                     TIMOTHY MORTGRAVE.
+
+
+
+
+_Promissory Note With Interest but not Negotiable._
+
+
+          $125.30.                    CHICAGO, Sept. 2, 1880.
+
+          For value received, I promise to pay Daniel
+          Cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and
+          thirty cents, on August 12th next, with interest
+          at seven per cent. after January 1, 1881.
+
+                                     JOHN S. ALLBRIGHT.
+
+
+
+
+_A Negotiable Note Payable to Bearer._
+
+
+          $75.                 DETROIT, MICH., Oct. 8, 1881.
+
+          Thirty days after date, for value received, I
+          promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or bearer, at my
+          office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars with
+          interest from date.
+
+                                        SAMUEL Q. PETTIBONE.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Receipt._
+
+
+          $25.                   NEW YORK, Nov. 3, 1880.
+
+          Received from James O. Mitchell, twenty-five
+          dollars, to apply on account.
+
+                                     SMITH, JONES & CO.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Draft, Time from Sight._
+
+
+          $1,000.              DETROIT, MICH., July 7, 1880.
+
+          At ten days sight, pay to the order of J. Smith &
+          Co., one thousand dollars, and charge the same to
+          the account of             SHEPARD & NILES
+
+          TO SAMUEL STOKER & CO.,
+                          Indianapolis, Ind.
+
+
+
+
+_A Draft or Order "Without Grace."_
+
+
+          $175.           CINCINNATI, OHIO, Aug. 12, 1880.
+
+          At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson &
+          Co., one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and
+          charge to the account of        H.S. Morehouse.
+
+          TO TRADERS' NATIONAL BANK,
+                          Cincinnati, Ohio.
+
+
+
+
+_Form of a Bill._
+
+
+                              BUFFALO, N.Y., Dec. 6, 1880.
+          MARTIN HUGHES, Dr.
+                        TO JOHN J. HART.
+
+          Four volumes History of France, at $2.50 per
+          volume, $10.00.
+
+                                     Received payment.
+
+
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+General Rules of Conduct.
+
+
+In society, everybody should receive equal attention, the young as well
+as the old. A high authority says, "If we wish our young people to grow
+up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in those graces
+by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of
+maturer years. If we snub them, and systematically neglect them, they
+will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner, which will be very
+difficult for them to overcome."
+
+
+GRACEFULNESS OF CARRIAGE.
+
+Physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman. A
+gentleman should not only know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot
+and to swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully,
+and how to dance, if he would enjoy life to the utmost. A graceful
+carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master, as
+dancing and boxing are taught. A man should be able to defend himself
+from ruffians, if attacked, and also to defend women from their insults.
+Dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady, for the better
+the physical training, the more graceful and self-possessed she will be.
+Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in
+society or not. Swimming, skating, archery, games of lawn-tennis, and
+croquet, riding and driving, all aid in strengthening the muscles and
+giving open air exercise, and are therefore desirable recreations for
+the young of both sexes.
+
+
+ATTITUDE.
+
+Awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity. Lolling, gesticulating,
+fidgeting, handling an eye-glass, a watch-chain or the like, gives an
+air of _gaucherie_. A lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her
+chair, who stretches out her feet, who has a habit of holding her chin,
+or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons; a man who lounges in
+his chair, nurses his leg, bites his nails, or caresses his foot crossed
+over on his knee, shows clearly a want of good home training. Each
+should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing
+position, the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady. He may
+sit cross-legged if he wishes, but should not sit with his knees far
+apart, nor with his foot on his knee. If an object is to be indicated,
+you must move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger.
+
+
+COUGHING, SNEEZING, ETC.
+
+Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be
+done as quickly as possible. Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must
+never be done in society. A sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb
+or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose. If not checked, the
+face should be buried in the handkerchief, during the act of sneezing,
+for obvious reasons.
+
+
+ANECDOTES, PUNS AND REPARTEES.
+
+Anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation. Puns are always
+regarded as vulgar. Repartee should be indulged in with moderation, and
+never kept up, as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation.
+
+
+A SWEET AND PURE BREATH.
+
+The breath should be kept sweet and pure. Onions are the forbidden
+fruit, because of their offensiveness to the breath. No gentleman should
+go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco.
+
+
+SMOKING.
+
+It is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies,
+even though they have given permission, nor should a gentleman smoke in
+a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. In those homes when
+the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house, the sons
+will follow the father's example, and the air of the rooms becomes like
+that of a public house.
+
+
+SUPPRESSION OF EMOTION.
+
+Suppression of undue emotion, whether of laughter, of anger, or of
+mortification, of disappointment, or of selfishness in any form, is a
+mark of good breeding.
+
+
+A GOOD LISTENER.
+
+To be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker;
+but it is not enough only to listen, you must endeavor to seem
+interested in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the
+low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest.
+
+
+GIVE PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS.
+
+Give precedence to those older or of higher social position than
+yourself, unless they required you to take the precedence, when it is
+better to obey than to refuse. Be more careful to give others their rank
+of precedence than to take your own.
+
+
+BE MODERATE.
+
+Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon,
+defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do
+not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are
+not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject and lead to
+some other topic. There is seldom any profit in idle discussion.
+
+
+SINGING AND PLAYING IN SOCIETY.
+
+A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play: but
+being requested to do so, if she intends to comply, she should do so at
+once, without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she should do so in a
+manner that shall make her decision final. Having complied, she should
+not monopolize the evening with her performances, but make room for
+others.
+
+
+RECEIVING AND MAKING PRESENTS.
+
+Emerson says: "Our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous, cold
+and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a
+portion of thyself. Therefore let the farmer give his corn; the miner
+his gem; the sailor coral or shells; the painter his picture, and the
+poet his poem." To persons of refined nature, whatever the friend
+creates takes added value as part of themselves--part of their lives, as
+it were, having gone into it. People of the highest rank, abroad, will
+often accept, with gratitude, a bit of embroidery done by a friend, a
+poem inscribed to them by an author; a painting executed by some artist;
+who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them.
+Mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present; it is the
+kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value. People who
+possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither
+affection nor respect, but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness
+of kind hearts.
+
+A present should be acknowledged without delay, but you must not follow
+it quickly by a return. It is to be taken for granted that a gift is
+intended to afford pleasure to the recipient, not to be regarded as a
+question of investment or exchange. Never allude to a present you have
+given, unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received
+by the person to whom it was sent.
+
+Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are
+neither related nor engaged to them, nor indebted to them for some
+marked favors. A married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who
+is indebted to her for hospitality.
+
+In presenting a book to a friend, do not write in it the name of the
+person to whom it is given. But this is a rule better honored in its
+breach than in its observance, when the giver of the book is its author.
+
+Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of
+both herself and her husband.
+
+Never refuse a present if offered in kindness, unless the circumstances
+are such that you cannot, with propriety, receive it. Nor, in receiving
+a present, make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend
+cannot afford to make the present. On the other hand, never make a
+present which you cannot afford to make. In that case the recipient, if
+he or she knows anything of your circumstances, will think that you had
+better kept it yourself.
+
+
+GOVERNING OUR MOODS.
+
+We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look
+pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither
+should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of
+mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the
+confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if
+possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or
+expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome,
+may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in
+reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the
+time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her
+visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she
+remains.
+
+
+A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN.
+
+When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk
+to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being
+great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on
+the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on
+the way.
+
+
+AN INVITATION CANNOT BE RECALLED.
+
+An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best
+motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of
+being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of
+politeness. There is but one exception to this rule, and that is when
+the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.
+
+
+AVOID TALKING OF PERSONALITIES.
+
+Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters,
+to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When
+induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not
+speak boastfully.
+
+
+ABOUT PERSONS' NAMES.
+
+Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate
+friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. ----,
+or Mrs. ----, or Miss ----. Never name anyone by the first letter of his
+name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of
+him.
+
+
+SHUN GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING.
+
+Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of
+malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these
+things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all
+temptation in that direction.
+
+
+REMOVING THE HAT.
+
+A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of
+ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he
+enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retains
+his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF INFERIORS.
+
+Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him
+feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him
+with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.
+
+
+INTRUDING ON PRIVACY.
+
+Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect
+the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry
+into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It
+is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk;
+whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person
+should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing.
+You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never
+betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to
+secrecy.
+
+
+KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.
+
+Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or
+pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to
+keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and
+enter them there.
+
+
+VALUE OF POLITENESS.
+
+Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely
+necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind, politeness
+and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and
+agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor,
+virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who
+neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others;
+but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility,
+affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they
+feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."
+
+
+ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.
+
+Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be
+with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better
+even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not
+degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and
+better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated.
+True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but
+absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of
+etiquette.
+
+
+A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.
+
+Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a
+woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility,"
+says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember
+that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to
+every woman; and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if
+he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
+the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."
+
+
+DO NOT CONTRADICT.
+
+Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think
+you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which
+shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is
+unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.
+
+
+EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.
+
+You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable
+opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be
+attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the
+remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor
+the married parties.
+
+
+A CONVERSATION CHECKED.
+
+If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on
+hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking
+himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry
+out his first intentions.
+
+
+VULGARITIES.
+
+Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in
+the presence of others are given:
+
+To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.
+
+To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.
+
+To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.
+
+To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything
+which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.
+
+To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of
+speech.
+
+To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion
+justifies.
+
+To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar
+in the extreme.
+
+
+MISCELLANEOUS RULES.
+
+A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede
+gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.
+
+Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say
+"my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except
+servants.
+
+Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.
+
+Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual
+attention without delay.
+
+Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages
+you may possess.
+
+Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.
+
+Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of
+others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.
+
+You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or
+pick your nose in company.
+
+Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or
+hostess by soiling the paper of her room.
+
+Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.
+
+Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by
+making them wait for you.
+
+Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little
+service she may seem to require.
+
+Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in
+public gatherings.
+
+Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get
+fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be
+apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.
+
+Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a
+poor compliment if you thus forget them.
+
+Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to
+make one, if one is due from you.
+
+Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at
+whatever inconvenience to yourself.
+
+Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you
+wish to see them on business.
+
+Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor
+make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.
+
+On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before
+speaking to each of the persons assembled.
+
+Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.
+
+To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very
+impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.
+
+Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.
+
+Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a
+flippant one.
+
+Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day
+after you are done with it.
+
+Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass
+before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act
+is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.
+
+"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind
+his back," is a maxim to be remembered.
+
+Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch
+your temper; in society watch your tongue."
+
+Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a
+presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.
+
+Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best
+way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.
+
+In the presence of others, talk as little of yourself as possible, or of
+the business or profession in which you are engaged.
+
+It shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch, either at home or
+abroad. If at home, it appears as though you were tired of your company,
+and wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as though the hours
+dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be
+released.
+
+Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you
+visit. They are intended to be admired, not handled by visitors.
+
+Do not read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a
+book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety.
+
+Every species of affectation should be avoided, as it is always
+detected, and exceedingly disagreeable.
+
+
+WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS.
+
+Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has given to the public a
+collection of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, which he
+called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give
+these rules entire, as the reader may be interested in learning the
+principles which governed the conduct of the "Father of his Country."
+
+Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those
+present.
+
+In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor
+drum with your fingers or feet.
+
+Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not
+when others stop.
+
+Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table
+or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.
+
+Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played
+with.
+
+Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a
+necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or
+writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when
+another is writing a letter.
+
+Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
+
+Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your
+enemy.
+
+They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but
+whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals
+in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
+
+It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves,
+especially if they be above us.
+
+Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
+
+In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not
+knowing therein.
+
+In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to
+his degree and the custom of the place.
+
+Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your
+judgment to others with modesty.
+
+Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it
+savors arrogancy.
+
+When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him
+that did it.
+
+Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in
+public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what
+terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it
+with sweetness and mildness.
+
+Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are
+sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain
+from laughing thereat yourself.
+
+Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more
+prevalent than precept.
+
+Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses or
+revilings.
+
+Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
+
+In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather
+than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are
+civil and orderly with respect to time and place.
+
+Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well
+decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes
+handsomely.
+
+Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your
+reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
+
+Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a
+tractable and commendable nature; and in all cases of passion admit
+reason to govern.
+
+Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.
+
+Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor
+very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things
+hard to be believed.
+
+Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not
+of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them,
+change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your
+intimate friends.
+
+Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor
+at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem
+to be some cause.
+
+Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none,
+although they give occasion.
+
+Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear
+and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
+
+Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
+
+Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not.
+Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
+
+If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and
+be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be of the major
+side.
+
+Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents,
+masters and superiors.
+
+Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came.
+What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
+
+Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and
+that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters
+treat seriously.
+
+Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your
+words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly.
+
+When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the
+audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him
+without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech
+be ended.
+
+Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the
+company of others.
+
+Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any
+brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
+
+Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In
+discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always.
+A secret discover not.
+
+Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those
+who speak in private.
+
+Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your
+promise.
+
+When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion,
+however mean the person may be you do it to.
+
+When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.
+
+In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to
+each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major
+part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
+
+Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often
+the same matter of discourse.
+
+Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
+
+Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so
+show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be
+strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.
+
+Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due,
+or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should
+trouble the company.
+
+When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in
+reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
+
+Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
+
+Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire
+called conscience.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+Anniversary Weddings.
+
+
+The custom of celebrating anniversary weddings has, of late years, been
+largely practiced, and they have become a very pleasant means of social
+reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife. Often
+this is the only reason for celebrating them, and the occasion is
+sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party, of a more informal
+nature than could be given under other circumstances. The occasion
+becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose
+wedding anniversary is celebrated. It is an occasion for recalling the
+happy event which brought to each a new existence, and changed the
+current of their lives. It is an occasion for them to receive
+congratulations upon their past married life, and wishes for many
+additional years of wedded bliss.
+
+Upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes
+worn by them on their wedding day, which they have preserved with
+punctilious care, and when many years have intervened the quaintness and
+oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of
+interest, and the occasion of pleasant comments. The couple receive
+their guests together, who upon entering the drawing-room, where they
+are receiving, extend to them their congratulations and wishes for
+continued prosperity and happiness. The various anniversaries are
+designated by special names, indicative of the presents suitable on each
+occasion, should guests deem it advisable to send presents. It may be
+here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to
+whether any presents are sent or taken. At the earlier anniversaries,
+much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and
+fantastic articles, gotten up for the occasion. When this is
+contemplated, care should be taken that they should not be such as are
+liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature.
+
+THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDING.
+
+The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the Paper Wedding,
+the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. The
+invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper, representing
+thin cardboard. Presents, if given should be solely articles made of
+paper.
+
+The invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine
+white cloth, and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth.
+
+For the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather,
+tastily gotten up, and presents, of course, should be articles made of
+leather.
+
+
+THE WOODEN WEDDING.
+
+The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The
+invitations should be upon thin cards of wood, or they may be written on
+a sheet of wedding note paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the
+envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and
+may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use
+up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture.
+
+
+THE TIN WEDDING.
+
+The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. The
+invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a
+tin card inclosed. The guests, if they desire to accompany their
+congratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of
+articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select.
+
+
+THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.
+
+The crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations may be on
+thin, transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on
+ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make
+their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which may
+be more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined.
+
+
+THE CHINA WEDDING.
+
+The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the
+wedding-day. Invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine,
+semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or
+tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are
+appropriate on this occasion.
+
+
+THE SILVER WEDDING.
+
+The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary. The
+invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest
+note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both
+paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of
+the guests, they should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles, or
+more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the donors incline.
+
+
+THE GOLDEN WEDDING.
+
+The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the
+appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married
+happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this
+anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in
+gold, with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in
+highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are offered, are also in
+gold.
+
+
+THE DIAMOND WEDDING.
+
+Rarely, indeed, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should be held on
+the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So seldom are these
+occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be
+observed in the invitations. They might be issued upon diamond-shaped
+cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no
+general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any
+number are beyond the means of most persons.
+
+
+PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+It is not, as before stated, required that an invitation to an
+anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by
+any. The donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family
+or intimate friends, and may act at their own discretion in the matter
+of giving presents.
+
+On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it is not amiss to have
+printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to
+enclose a card announcing--
+
+"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."
+
+
+INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their
+wording, according to the fancy of the writer, but they are all similar.
+They should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. They may
+or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the
+maiden name of the wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also
+be indicated.
+
+The following form will serve as a model:
+
+ [Illustration:
+                     1855=1880.
+
+          The pleasure of your company is
+          requested at the
+
+             Silver Wedding Reception
+                        of
+            Mr. and Mrs. Cyrus Jennings,
+
+          On Thursday evening, November
+              13th at nine o'clock.
+
+                      25 Jackson Avenue.
+
+          R.S.V.P.]
+
+
+
+A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the
+other anniversary weddings.
+
+
+MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
+
+It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these
+anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The
+earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to
+introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the
+exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to
+the occasion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+Births and Christenings.
+
+
+Upon the announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the
+mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as
+she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all
+from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind
+inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do
+not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay
+their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother
+and child.
+
+
+NAMING THE CHILD.
+
+It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall
+give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also
+concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of
+solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom in
+Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the
+first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the
+father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children
+after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they
+are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may
+be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name
+children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are
+objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he
+may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so
+cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a
+disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it
+may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the
+person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or
+satire.
+
+The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and
+it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred,
+Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are
+pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies,
+Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have
+taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.
+
+
+THE CHRISTENING.
+
+The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are
+regulated according to the practices of the special church where the
+parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient
+only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such
+times.
+
+
+GODPARENTS OR SPONSORS.
+
+In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, godparents
+or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one
+godmother. If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The persons
+selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and
+close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the
+child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather
+usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather
+and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as
+godparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are
+not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother, and
+allow her to designate the godfather. Young persons should not stand
+sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their
+superior position warrants them in so doing.
+
+
+PRESENTS FROM GODFATHERS.
+
+The sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort--a silver
+mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a
+costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The
+godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the godmother the
+christening robe and cap.
+
+
+THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY.
+
+Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its
+nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if
+she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their
+places the sponsors stand, the godfather on the right and the godmother
+on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the
+sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their
+heads without speaking.
+
+In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as
+possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for
+at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on
+the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a
+few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism
+is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the
+ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the
+clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is
+concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of
+cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the
+duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant.
+
+
+PRESENTS FROM GUESTS.
+
+Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor
+they convene, by some trifling gift. Gentlemen may present an article
+of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.
+
+
+THE HERO OF THE OCCASION.
+
+It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest
+importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large
+share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this
+duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on
+exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as
+soon as the ceremony is over.
+
+
+FEES TO THE CLERGYMAN.
+
+Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the
+parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating
+clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+Funerals.
+
+
+The saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of
+relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way,
+the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the
+deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of
+ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of
+intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in
+part.
+
+
+INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.
+
+It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement
+of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such
+announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the
+funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In
+villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often
+issued.
+
+Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a
+heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
+
+ [Illustration:
+          _Yourself and family are respectfully invited to
+          attend the funeral of Mr. James B. Southey, from
+          his late residence, No. 897 Williams avenue, on
+          Friday, October 18, at 3 o' clock P.M. (or from
+          St. Paul's Episcopal Church), to proceed to
+          Woodland Cemetery._]
+
+When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a
+distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death,
+time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive
+before the services.
+
+It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral,
+when one is sent.
+
+
+ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.
+
+It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral
+to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who
+can perform this duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to
+perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to
+name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the
+family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be
+avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and
+inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as
+usher to seat the friends who attend.
+
+
+THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.
+
+Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove
+his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No
+calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the
+dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from
+receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.
+
+There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in
+the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house
+of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each
+other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped
+with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is
+married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or
+unmarried.
+
+
+THE FUNERAL SERVICES.
+
+If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will
+receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near
+relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the
+arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until
+the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to
+reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are
+held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the
+family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the
+door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests
+arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before
+seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin
+lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of
+opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final
+look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who
+desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is
+taken to the church.
+
+If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the
+community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers
+who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then,
+perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.
+
+
+THE PALL-BEARERS.
+
+The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is
+a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the
+intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If
+they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in equal numbers on
+either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages
+precede the hearse.
+
+
+ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.
+
+The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the
+hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest
+relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When
+societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the
+hearse.
+
+The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and
+draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the
+mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered
+heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates
+as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from
+the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance
+of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand
+and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads,
+if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests
+return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.
+
+
+FLORAL DECORATIONS.
+
+The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in
+a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a
+married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should
+mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral
+devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which
+should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.
+
+
+OTHER DECORATIONS.
+
+A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a
+deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the
+national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the
+lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows'
+fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.
+
+
+CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
+
+About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family,
+and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not
+repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family,
+the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends.
+It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their
+calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most
+intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence,
+expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to
+comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.
+Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not
+attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words
+wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.
+
+
+SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
+
+No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house
+between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be
+commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc.
+It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement,
+however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of
+seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for
+seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in
+accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the
+exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the
+strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the
+will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know
+or dream.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+Washington Etiquette.
+
+
+Certain local rules have been recognized in society at Washington, from
+the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of
+certain offices which he holds, and the social status of woman is also
+determined by the official rank of her husband.
+
+
+THE PRESIDENT.
+
+As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in
+political life, so is he also by virtue of that office, awarded
+precedence in social life. There is no necessity of special formalities
+to form his acquaintance, and he receives calls without being under any
+obligation to return them. He may be addressed either as "Mr.
+President," or "Your Excellency." Sometimes he gives up the morning
+hours to receiving calls, and at such times precedence is given to such
+people as have business with him, over parties who go to make a formal
+call. In either case, the caller is shown to the room occupied by the
+President's secretaries, presents his card and waits his turn to be
+admitted. If the caller has no business, but goes out of curiosity, he
+pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others. It is better in
+making a private call, to secure the company of some official or some
+friend of the President to introduce you.
+
+
+RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
+
+Stated receptions are given at the White House by the President during
+sessions of congress, and all are at liberty to attend them. Sometimes
+these are morning, and sometimes evening, receptions. Upon entering the
+reception room, the caller gives his name to the usher, who announces
+it, and upon approaching the President is introduced, by some official
+to whom the duty is assigned, both to the President and to the members
+of his family who receive with him. The callers pass on, after being
+introduced, mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms
+until ready to depart. If a caller wishes he may leave his card.
+
+The same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the
+President as at any formal dinner, precedence being given to guests
+according to official rank and dignity. An invitation by the President
+must be accepted, and it is admissible to break any other engagement
+already made; however, it is necessary to explain the cause, in order to
+avoid giving offense. It is not regarded as discourteous to break an
+engagement for this reason.
+
+The wife of the President is not under obligation to return calls,
+though she may visit those whom she wishes to favor with such
+attentions. Other members of the President's family may receive and
+return calls.
+
+
+NEW-YEAR'S RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
+
+As the New-Year's receptions at the White House are the most ceremonious
+occasions of the executive mansion, it is the custom of the ladies who
+attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning
+reception. Members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of
+their respective countries on this occasion, in paying their respects to
+the President of the United States.
+
+
+ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK.
+
+Next in rank to the President come the Chief Justice, the Vice-President
+and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive first
+visits from all others. The General of the army and the Admiral of the
+navy come next in the order of official rank. Members of the House of
+Representatives call first on all the officials named. The wife of any
+official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among
+officers of the army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds to the
+Vice-Admiral, the Major-General to Rear-Admiral, Brigadier-General to
+Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on through the lower
+grades.
+
+
+THE CABINET OFFICERS.
+
+The officers of the cabinet, comprising the Secretaries of State, the
+Treasury, the War, the Navy, the Postmaster-General, the Secretary of
+the Interior and Attorney-General, expect to receive calls, and as all
+the officers are of the same rank and dignity, it is only on occasions
+of State ceremonies that an order of preference is observed, which is as
+above given. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of their
+household, have onerous social duties to perform. They hold receptions
+every Wednesday during the season, which lasts from the first of January
+to Lent, when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with
+a call, and on these occasions refreshments are served. The ladies of
+the family are expected to return these calls, at which time they leave
+the card of the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening
+reception. The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators,
+Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of the
+diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as
+the ladies of their respective families. The visiting hours at the
+capital are usually from two until half-past five. The labor and fatigue
+which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet
+officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at
+her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of
+others, whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted, and to
+return in person calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the
+wife of a cabinet officer.
+
+
+HOW TO ADDRESS THE OFFICIALS.
+
+When writing to the different officials, the President is addressed "His
+Excellency, the President of the United States;" the members of the
+cabinet "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," etc., giving each his
+proper title; the Vice-President, "The Honorable, the Vice-President of
+the United States." In a ceremonious note, words must not be
+abbreviated. In conversation the Speaker of the House of Representatives
+is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a member of the cabinet as "Mr.
+Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" a member of the House of
+Representatives as "Mister," unless he has some other title; but he is
+introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." The custom is
+becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the
+prefixed titles of their husbands, as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs.
+Senator Thurman," "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."
+
+
+THE FIRST TO VISIT.
+
+The custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents
+shall make the first call on strangers, and among the latter those
+arriving first upon those coming later. Foreign ministers, however, in
+order to make themselves known, call first upon the members of the
+cabinet, which is returned.
+
+
+SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES.
+
+It is entirely optional with Senators, Representatives and all other
+officials except the President and members of his cabinet, whether they
+entertain. They act upon their own pleasure in the matter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+Foreign Titles.
+
+
+In this country, where everybody possesses one and the same title, that
+of a citizen of this Republic, no one can claim a superiority of rank
+and title. Not so in European countries, where the right of birth
+entitles a person to honor, rank and title. And as our citizens are
+constantly visiting foreign countries, it is well to understand
+something of titles and ranks and their order of precedence.
+
+
+ROYALTY.
+
+In England, the king and queen are placed at the top of the social
+structure. The mode by which they are addressed is in the form "Your
+Majesty."
+
+The Prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the throne, stands second in
+dignity. The other children are all known during their minority as
+princes and princesses. The eldest princess is called the crown
+princess. Upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke
+bestowed upon them, and the daughters retain that of princesses, adding
+to it the title of their husbands. They are all designated as "Their
+Royal Highnesses."
+
+
+THE NOBILITY.
+
+A duke who inherits the title from his father, stands one grade below a
+royal duke. The wife of a duke is known as a duchess. They are both
+addressed as "Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he inherits
+the higher title of his father. His wife is a marchioness. The younger
+sons are lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distinguished by
+having "Lady" prefixed to their Christian names. Earls and barons are
+both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies, though the latter are
+by right respectively countesses and baronesses. The daughters of the
+former are "ladies," the younger sons of both "honorables." The earl
+occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage.
+
+These complete the list of nobility, unless we include bishops, who are
+lords in right of their ecclesiastical office, but whose title is not
+hereditary.
+
+All these are entitled to seats in the upper House of Parliament.
+
+
+THE GENTRY.
+
+Baronets are known as "Sirs," and their wives receive the title of
+"Lady;" but they are only commoners of a higher degree, though there are
+families who have borne their title for many successive generations who
+would not exchange it for a recently created peerage.
+
+A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality with all
+commoners, a bishop with all peers.
+
+
+ESQUIRE.
+
+The title of Esquire, which is only an empty compliment in this country,
+has special significance in England. The following in that country have
+a legal right to the title:
+
+The sons of peers, whether known in common conversation as lords or
+honorables.
+
+The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual
+succession.
+
+All the sons of baronets.
+
+All esquires of the Knights of the Bath.
+
+Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown _in
+capite_ are esquires by prescription.
+
+Esquires created to that rank by patent, and their eldest sons in
+perpetual succession.
+
+Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll,
+mayors of towns during mayoralty, and sheriffs of counties (who retain
+the title for life).
+
+Members of the House of Commons.
+
+Barristers-at-law.
+
+Bachelors of divinity, law and physic.
+
+All who in commissions signed by the sovereign, are ever styled esquires
+retain that designation for life.
+
+
+IMPERIAL RANK.
+
+Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of
+the emperor of Austria are called archdukes and archduchesses, the
+names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country
+claimed for himself no higher title than that of archduke. The emperor
+of Russia is known as the czar, the name being identical with the Roman
+caesar and the German kaiser. The heir-apparent to the Russian throne is
+the czarowitch.
+
+
+EUROPEAN TITLES.
+
+Titles in continental Europe are so common and so frequently unsustained
+by landed and moneyed interests, that they have not that significance
+which they hold in England. A count may be a penniless scamp, depending
+upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence, and looking out
+for the chance of making a wealthy marriage.
+
+A German baron may be a good, substantial, unpretending man, something
+after the manner of an American farmer. A German prince or duke, since
+the absorption of the smaller principalities of Germany by Prussia, may
+have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The
+Italian prince is even of less account than the German one, since his
+rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether, and his only inheritance
+may be a grand but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep it
+in repair or furnish it properly.
+
+
+PRESENTATION AT THE COURT OF ST. JAMES.
+
+It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the
+Queen during a sojourn in England, and as the Queen is really an
+excellent woman, worthy of all honor, not only can there be no valid
+cause for objection to such presentation, but it may well be looked upon
+as an honor to be sought for.
+
+
+THOSE ELIGIBLE TO PRESENTATION AT COURT.
+
+The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to
+presentation at court, unless there be some grave moral objection, in
+which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous Queen
+to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the
+objectionable parties are rigidly excluded. The clergy, naval and
+military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with
+their wives and daughters, have also the right to pay their personal
+respects to their queen. Those of more democratic professions, such as
+solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right,
+though wealth and connection have recently proven an open sesame at the
+gates of St. James. Any person who has been presented at court may
+present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented,
+must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or
+she may possess.
+
+
+PRELIMINARIES TO PRESENTATION.
+
+Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen,
+must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two
+days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with
+the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to be presented. In
+order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be
+made at a levee except by a person actually attending that levee, it is
+also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to
+make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present,
+should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be
+submitted to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These regulations
+of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.
+
+Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are
+always printed in the newspapers. These directions apply with equal
+force to ladies and to gentlemen.
+
+The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court
+costume, which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for
+women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can
+be hired for the occasion.
+
+
+THE PRESENTATION.
+
+It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves
+her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf
+behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she
+enters the long gallery of St. James, where she waits her turn for
+presentation.
+
+The lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber, which is
+entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping
+her train as she passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread
+out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward
+towards the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The
+card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another
+lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud. When she arrives just before
+His or Her Majesty, she should courtesy as low as possible, so as to
+almost kneel.
+
+If the lady presented be a peeress or a peer's daughter, the queen
+kisses her on the forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends
+her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises,
+courtesies to each of the other members of the royal family present, and
+then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as
+she passes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+Business.
+
+
+In the chapter on "Our Manners," we have spoken of the importance of
+civility and politeness as a means of success to the business and
+professional man. It is in the ordinary walks of life, in the most
+trivial affairs that a man's real character is shown, and consequently
+every man, whatever may be his calling, will do well to give due
+attention to those trivial affairs which, in his daily association with
+men of the world, will give him a reputation of being cold, austere, and
+unapproachable, or warm-hearted, genial, and sympathetic.
+
+
+FORM GOOD HABITS.
+
+It is important for the young man learning business, or just getting a
+start in business, to form correct habits, and especially of forming the
+habit of being polite to all with whom he has business relations,
+showing the same courteous treatment to men or women, poorly or plainly
+dressed, as though they were attired in the most costly of garments. A
+man who forms habits of politeness and gentlemanly treatment of
+everybody in early life, has acquired the good-will of all with whom he
+has ever been brought into social or business relations. He should also
+guard against such habits as profanity, the use of tobacco and
+intoxicating liquors, if he would gain and retain the respect of the
+best portion of the community, and should, if possible, cultivate the
+habit of being cheerful at all times and in all places.
+
+
+KEEP YOUR TEMPER.
+
+In discussing business matters, never lose your temper, even though your
+opponent in a controversy should become angry, and in the heat of
+discussion make rude and disagreeable remarks and charges. By a calm and
+dignified bearing and courteous treatment you will conquer his rudeness.
+
+
+HONESTY THE BEST POLICY.
+
+"Honesty is the best policy," is a maxim which merchants and tradesmen
+will find as true as it is trite, and no tradesman who wishes to retain
+his customers and his reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality
+of his goods. It is not good policy for a merchant or clerk, in selling
+goods, to tell the customer what they cost, as, in a majority of cases,
+he will not be believed.
+
+
+THE EXAMPLE OF A MERCHANT PRINCE.
+
+The value of politeness to a merchant is nowhere more clearly shown than
+in the case of the late A.T. Stewart, the merchant prince of New York.
+He not only treated every customer he waited upon with the utmost
+courtesy, but he demanded it of every employe, and sought for men
+possessing every quality of character tending to secure this suavity of
+manner, in the selection of his salesmen and clerks. He required them to
+observe rigidly all rules and forms of politeness, and would allow no
+partiality shown to people on account of their dress, those clad in
+humble apparel being treated with the same affability and politeness as
+those richly dressed. Everybody who entered his store was sure of
+receiving kind and courteous treatment. This may, or may not, have been
+his secret of success, but it certainly gained and retained for him a
+large custom, and was one element in his character which can be highly
+commended. And every merchant will be judged of by his customers in
+proportion to the courteous treatment they receive from him, or from
+clerks in his store. The lawyer or the doctor will also acquire
+popularity and patronage as he exhibits courteous and kind treatment to
+all with whom he comes into social or business relations.
+
+
+BREAKING AN APPOINTMENT.
+
+Do not break an appointment with a business man, if possible to avoid
+it, for if you do, the party with whom you made it may have reason to
+think that you are not a man of your word, and it may also cause him
+great annoyance, and loss of time. If, however, it becomes absolutely
+necessary to do so, you should inform him beforehand, either by a note
+or by a special messenger, giving reasons for its non-fulfillment.
+
+
+PROMPTLY MEETING NOTES AND DRAFTS.
+
+Every business man knows the importance of meeting promptly his notes
+and drafts, for to neglect it is disastrous to his reputation as a
+prompt business man. He should consider, also, apart from this, that he
+is under a moral obligation to meet these payments promptly when due. If
+circumstances which you cannot control prevent this, write at once to
+your creditor, stating plainly and frankly the reason why you are unable
+to pay him, and when you will be able. He will accommodate you if he has
+reason to believe your statements.
+
+
+PROMPT PAYMENT OF BILLS.
+
+If a bill is presented to you for payment, you should, if it is correct,
+pay it as promptly as though it were a note at the bank already due. The
+party who presents the bill may be in need of money, and should receive
+what is his due when he demands it. On the other hand, do not treat a
+man who calls upon you to pay a bill, or to whom you send to collect a
+bill, as though you were under no obligation to him. While you have a
+right to expect him to pay it, still its prompt payment may have so
+inconvenienced him as to deserve your thanks.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES.
+
+If you chance to see a merchant's books or papers left open before you,
+it is not good manners to look over them, to ascertain their contents.
+
+If you write a letter asking for information, you should always enclose
+an envelope, addressed and stamped for the answer.
+
+Courtesy demands that you reply to all letters immediately.
+
+If you are in a company of men where two or more are talking over
+business matters, do not listen to the conversation which it was not
+intended you should hear.
+
+In calling upon a man during business hours, transact your business
+rapidly and make your call as short as is consistent with the matters on
+hand. As a rule, men have but little time to visit during business
+hours.
+
+If an employer has occasion to reprove any of his clerks or employes, he
+will find that by speaking kindly he will accomplish the desired object
+much better than by harsher means.
+
+In paying out a large sum of money, insist that the person to whom it is
+paid shall count it in your presence, and on the other hand, never
+receive a sum of money without counting it in the presence of the party
+who pays it to you. In this way mistakes may be avoided.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX.
+
+Dress.
+
+
+To dress well requires good taste, good sense and refinement. A woman of
+good sense will neither make dress her first nor her last object in
+life. No sensible wife will betray that total indifference for her
+husband which is implied in the neglect of her appearance, and she will
+remember that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the duties
+which she owes to society. Every lady, however insignificant her social
+position may appear to herself, must exercise a certain influence on the
+feelings and opinions of others. An attention to dress is useful as
+retaining, in the minds of sensible men, that pride in a wife's
+appearance, which is so agreeable to her, as well as that due influence
+which cannot be obtained without it. But a love of dress has its perils
+for weak minds. Uncontrolled by good sense, and stimulated by personal
+vanity it becomes a temptation at first, and then a curse. When it is
+indulged in to the detriment of better employments, and beyond the
+compass of means, it cannot be too severely condemned. It then becomes
+criminal.
+
+
+CONSISTENCY IN DRESS.
+
+Consistency in regard to station and fortune is the first matter to be
+considered. A woman of good sense will not wish to expend in unnecessary
+extravagances money wrung from an anxious, laborious husband; or if her
+husband be a man of fortune, she will not, even then, encroach upon her
+allowance. In the early years of married life, when the income is
+moderate, it should be the pride of a woman to see how little she can
+spend upon her dress, and yet present that tasteful and creditable
+appearance which is desirable. Much depends upon management, and upon
+the care taken of garments. She should turn everything to account, and
+be careful of her clothing when wearing it.
+
+
+EXTRAVAGANCE IN DRESS.
+
+Dress, to be in perfect taste, need not be costly. It is unfortunate
+that in the United States, too much attention is paid to dress by those
+who have neither the excuse of ample means nor of social culture. The
+wife of a poorly paid clerk, or of a young man just starting in
+business, aims at dressing as stylishly as does the wealthiest among her
+acquaintances. The sewing girl, the shop girl, the chambermaid, and even
+the cook, must have their elegantly trimmed silk dresses and velvet
+cloaks for Sunday and holiday wear, and the injury done by this state
+of things to the morals and manners of the poorer classes is
+incalculable.
+
+As fashions are constantly changing, those who do not adopt the
+extremes, as there are so many of the prevailing modes at present, can
+find something to suit every form and face.
+
+
+INDIFFERENCE TO DRESS.
+
+Indifference and inattention to dress is a defect of character rather
+than virtue, and often denotes indolence and slovenliness. Every woman
+should aim to make herself look as well as possible with the means at
+her command. Among the rich, a fondness for dress promotes exertion and
+activity of the mental powers, cultivates a correct taste and fosters
+industry and ingenuity among those who seek to procure for them the
+material and designs for dress. Among the middle classes it encourages
+diligence, contrivance, planning and deftness of handiwork, and among
+the poorer classes it promotes industry and economy. A fondness for
+dress, when it does not degenerate into vain show, has an elevating and
+refining influence on society.
+
+
+APPROPRIATE DRESS.
+
+To dress appropriately is another important matter to be considered. Due
+regard must be paid to the physical appearance of the person, and the
+dress must be made to harmonize throughout. An appropriate dress is that
+which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unnoticeable.
+Thin ladies can wear delicate colors, while stout persons look best in
+black or dark grey. For young and old the question of appropriate color
+must be determined by the figure and complexion. Rich colors harmonize
+with brunette complexions or dark hair, and delicate colors with persons
+of light hair and blonde complexions.
+
+
+GLOVES.
+
+Gloves are worn by gentlemen as well as ladies in the street, at an
+evening party, at the opera or theatre, at receptions, at church, when
+paying a call, riding or driving; but not in the country or at dinner.
+White should be worn at balls; the palest colors at evening parties and
+neutral shades at church.
+
+
+EVENING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+The evening or full dress for gentlemen is a black dress-suit--a
+"swallow-tail" coat, the vest cut low, the cravat white, and kid gloves
+of the palest hue or white. The shirt front should be white and plain;
+the studs and cuff-buttons simple. Especial attention should be given to
+the hair, which should be neither short nor long. It is better to err
+upon the too short side, as too long hair savors of affectation,
+destroys the shape of the physiognomy, and has a touch of vulgarity
+about it. Evening dress is the same for a large dinner party, a ball or
+an opera. In some circles, however, evening dress is considered an
+affectation, and it is as well to do as others do. On Sunday, morning
+dress is worn and on that day of the week no gentleman is expected to
+appear in evening dress, either at church, at home or away from home.
+Gloves are dispensed with at dinner parties, and pale colors are
+preferred to white for evening wear.
+
+
+MORNING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+The morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock-coat, or a black
+cut-away, white or black vest, according to the season, gray or colored
+pants, plaid or stripes, according to the fashion, a high silk
+(stove-pipe) hat, and a black scarf or necktie. A black frock coat with
+black pants is not considered a good combination, nor is a dress coat
+and colored or light pants. The morning dress is suitable for garden
+parties, Sundays, social teas, informal calls, morning calls and
+receptions.
+
+It will be seen that morning and evening dress for gentlemen varies as
+much as it does for ladies. It is decidedly out of place for a gentleman
+to wear a dress coat and white tie in the day-time, and when evening
+dress is desired on ceremonious occasions, the shutters should be closed
+and the gas or lamps lighted. The true evening costume or full dress
+suit, accepted as such throughout the world, has firmly established
+itself in this country; yet there is still a considerable amount of
+ignorance displayed as to the occasions when it should be worn, and it
+is not uncommon for the average American, even high officials and
+dignified people, to wear the full evening costume at a morning
+reception or some midday ceremony. A dress coat at a morning or
+afternoon reception or luncheon, is entirely out of place, while the
+frock-coat or cut-away and gray pants, make a becoming costume for such
+an occasion.
+
+
+JEWELRY FOR GENTLEMEN.
+
+It is not considered in good taste for men to wear much jewelry. They
+may with propriety wear one gold ring, studs and cuff-buttons, and a
+watch chain, not too massive, with a modest pendant, or none at all.
+Anything more looks like a superabundance of ornament.
+
+
+EVENING DRESS FOR LADIES.
+
+Evening dress for ladies may be as rich, elegant and gay as one chooses
+to make it. It is everywhere the custom to wear full evening dress in
+brilliant evening assemblages. It may be cut either high or low at the
+neck, yet no lady should wear her dress so low as to make it quite
+noticeable or a special subject of remark. Evening dress is what is
+commonly known as "full dress," and will serve for a large evening
+party, ball or dinner. No directions will be laid down with reference to
+it, as fashion devises how it is to be made and what material used.
+
+
+BALL DRESS.
+
+Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations of costume in
+the dinner dress, and the dress for evening parties. For a ball,
+everything should be light and diaphanous, somewhat fanciful and airy.
+The heavy, richly trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not
+dance. The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints in
+silk, the most expensive laces, elaborate coiffures, a large display of
+diamonds, artificial flowers for the head-dress and natural flowers for
+hand bouquets, all belong, more or less, to the costume for a large
+ball.
+
+
+THE FULL DINNER DRESS.
+
+The full dinner dress for guests admits of great splendor. It may be of
+any thick texture of silk or velvet for winter, or light rich goods for
+summer, and should be long and sweeping. Every trifle in a lady's
+costume should be, as far as she can afford it, faultless. The fan
+should be perfect in its way, and the gloves should be quite fresh.
+Diamonds are used in broaches, pendants, ear-rings and bracelets. If
+artificial flowers are worn in the hair, they should be of the choicest
+description. All the light neutral tints, and black, dark blue, purple,
+dark green, garnet, brown and fawn are suited for dinner wear.
+
+
+DRESS OF HOSTESS AT A DINNER PARTY.
+
+The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be rich in material, but
+subdued in tone, so as not to eclipse any of her guests. A young hostess
+should wear a dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar
+and cuffs of fine lace, and if the dinner be by daylight, plain jewelry,
+but by gaslight diamonds.
+
+
+SHOWY DRESS.
+
+The glaring colors and "loud" costumes, once so common, have given place
+to sober grays, and browns and olives; black predominating over all.
+The light, showily-trimmed dresses, which were once displayed in the
+streets and fashionable promenades, are now only worn in carriages. This
+display of showy dress and glaring colors is generally confined to those
+who love ostentation more than comfort.
+
+
+DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS.
+
+If a lady has a special day for the reception of calls, her dress must
+be of silk, or other goods suitable to the season, or to her position,
+but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn. Lace collars and cuffs
+should be worn with this dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is also
+admissible. A lady whose mornings are devoted to the superintendence of
+her domestic affairs, may receive a casual caller in her ordinary
+morning dress, which must be neat, yet plain, with white plain linen
+collars and cuffs. For New Year's, or other calls of special
+significance, the dress should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed.
+If the parlors are closed and the gas lighted, full evening dress is
+required.
+
+
+CARRIAGE DRESS.
+
+The material for a dress for a drive through the public streets of a
+city, or along a fashionable drive or park, cannot be too rich. Silks,
+velvets and laces, are all appropriate, with rich jewelry and costly
+furs in cold weather. If the fashion require it, the carriage dress may
+be long enough to trail, or it may be of the length of a walking dress,
+which many prefer. For driving in the country, a different style of
+dress is required, as the dust and mud would soil rich material.
+
+
+VISITING COSTUMES.
+
+Visiting costumes, or those worn at a funeral or informal calls, are of
+richer material than walking suits. The bonnet is either simple or rich,
+according to the taste of the wearer. A jacket of velvet, or shawl, or
+fur-trimmed mantle are the concomitants of the carriage dress for
+winter. In summer all should be bright, cool, agreeable to wear and
+pleasant to look at.
+
+
+DRESS FOR MORNING CALLS.
+
+Morning calls may be made either in walking or carriage dress, provided
+the latter is justified by the presence of the carriage. The dress
+should be of silk; collar and cuffs of the finest lace; light gloves; a
+full dress bonnet and jewelry of gold, either dead, burnished or
+enameled, or of cameo or coral. Diamonds are not usually worn in
+daylight. A dress of black or neutral tint, in which light colors are
+introduced only in small quantities, is the most appropriate for a
+morning call.
+
+
+MORNING DRESS FOR STREET.
+
+The morning dress for the street should be quiet in color, plainly made
+and of serviceable material. It should be short enough to clear the
+ground without collecting mud and garbage. Lisle-thread gloves in
+midsummer, thick gloves in midwinter, are more comfortable for street
+wear than kid ones. Linen collars and cuffs are most suitable for
+morning street dress. The bonnet and hat should be quiet and
+inexpressive, matching the dress as nearly as possible. In stormy
+weather a large waterproof with hood is more convenient and less
+troublesome than an umbrella. The morning dress for visiting or
+breakfasting in public may be, in winter, of woolen goods, simply made
+and quietly trimmed, and in summer, of cambric, pique, marseilles or
+other wash goods, either white or figured. For morning wear at home the
+dress may be still simpler. The hair should be plainly arranged without
+ornament.
+
+
+THE PROMENADE DRESS.
+
+The dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself.
+All the colors worn should harmonize if they are not strictly identical.
+The bonnet should not be of one color, and parasol of another, the dress
+of a third and the gloves of a fourth. Nor should one article be new and
+another shabby. The collars and cuffs should be of lace; the kid gloves
+should be selected to harmonize with the color of the dress, a perfect
+fit. The jewelry worn should be bracelets, cuff-buttons, plain gold
+ear-rings, a watch chain and brooch.
+
+
+OPERA DRESS.
+
+Opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for morning calls. A
+bonnet is always worn even by those who occupy boxes, but it may be as
+dressy as one chooses to make it. In the evening, ladies are at liberty
+to wear evening dresses, with ornaments in their hair, instead of a
+bonnet, and as the effect of light colors is much better than dark in a
+well-lighted opera house, they should predominate.
+
+
+THE RIDING DRESS.
+
+A lady's riding habit should fit perfectly without being tight. The
+skirt must be full, and long enough to cover the feet, but not of
+extreme length. The boots must be stout and the gloves gauntleted.
+Broadcloth is regarded as the more dressy cloth, though waterproof is
+the more serviceable. Something lighter may be worn for summer, and in
+the lighter costumes a row of shot must be stitched at the bottom of the
+breadths of the left side to prevent the skirts from being blown by the
+wind. The riding dress is made to fit the waist closely, and button
+nearly to the throat. Above a small collar or reverse of the waist is
+shown a plain linen collar, fastened at the throat with a bright or
+black necktie. Coat sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs
+beneath them. No lace or embroidery is allowable in a riding costume. It
+is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length, and
+the long skirt fastened over it, so that if any accident occurs obliging
+the lady to dismount, she may easily remove the long overskirt and still
+be properly dressed.
+
+The hair should be put up compactly, and no veil should be allowed to
+stream in the wind. The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, but
+it should always be plainly trimmed, and if feathers are worn they must
+be fastened so that the wind cannot blow them over the wearer's eyes.
+
+
+A WALKING SUIT.
+
+The material for a walking suit may be either rich or plain to suit the
+taste and means of the wearer. It should always be well made and never
+appear shabby. Bright colors appear best only as trimmings. Black has
+generally been adopted for street dresses as the most becoming. For the
+country, walking dresses are made tasteful, solid and strong, more for
+service than display, and what would be perfectly appropriate for the
+streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved
+walks of a small town or in a country neighborhood. The walking or
+promenade dress is always made short enough to clear the ground. Thick
+boots are worn with the walking suit.
+
+
+DRESS FOR LADIES OF BUSINESS.
+
+For women who are engaged in some daily employment such as teachers,
+saleswomen and those who are occupied in literature, art or business of
+some sort, the dress should be somewhat different from the ordinary
+walking costume. Its material should be more serviceable, better fitted
+to endure the vicissitudes of the weather, and of quiet colors, such as
+brown or gray, and not easily soiled. While the costume should not be of
+the simplest nature, it should dispense with all superfluities in the
+way of trimming. It should be made with special reference to a free use
+of the arms, and to easy locomotion. Linen cuffs and collars are best
+suited to this kind of dress, gloves which can be easily removed,
+street walking boots, and for jewelry, plain cuff-buttons, brooch and
+watch chain. The hat or bonnet should be neat and tasty, with but few
+flowers or feathers. For winter wear, waterproof, tastefully made up, is
+the best material for a business woman's outer garment.
+
+
+ORDINARY EVENING DRESS.
+
+The ordinary evening house dress should be tasteful and becoming, with a
+certain amount of ornament, and worn with jewelry. Silks are the most
+appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy woolen dress fabrics for
+winter, and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made,
+are suitable. For winter, the colors should be rich and warm, and knots
+of bright ribbon of a becoming color, should be worn at the throat and
+in the hair. The latter should be plainly dressed. Artificial flowers
+and diamonds are out of place. This is both a suitable dress in which to
+receive or make a casual evening call. If a hood is worn, it must be
+removed during the call. Otherwise a full dress bonnet must be worn.
+
+
+DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY.
+
+For the social evening party, more latitude is allowed in the choice of
+colors, material, trimmings, etc., than for the ordinary evening dress.
+Dresses should cover the arms and shoulder; but if cut low in the neck,
+and with short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or some similar device
+should be employed to cover the neck and arms. Gloves may or may not be
+worn, but if they are they should be of some light color.
+
+
+DRESS FOR CHURCH.
+
+The dress for church should be plain, of dark, quiet colors, with no
+superfluous trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the plainest of
+promenade dresses, as church is not the place for display of fine
+clothes.
+
+
+THE DRESS FOR THE THEATRE.
+
+The promenade dress with the addition of a handsome cloak or shawl,
+which may be thrown aside if it is uncomfortable, is suitable for a
+theatre. The dress should be quiet and plain without any attempt at
+display. Either a bonnet or hat may be worn. Gloves should be dark,
+harmonizing with the dress.
+
+
+DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT.
+
+For the lecture or concert, silk is an appropriate dress, and should be
+worn with lace collars and cuffs and jewelry. A rich shawl or velvet
+promenade cloak, or opera cloak for a concert is an appropriate outer
+garment. The latter may or may not be kept on the shoulders during the
+evening. White or light kid gloves should be worn.
+
+
+CROQUET, ARCHERY AND SKATING COSTUMES.
+
+Croquet and archery costumes may be similar, and they admit of more
+brilliancy in coloring than any of the out-of-door costumes. They should
+be short, displaying a handsomely fitting but stout boot, and should be
+so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free. The gloves should be
+soft and washable. Kid is not suitable for either occasion. The hat
+should have a broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun, and
+render a parasol unnecessary. The trimming for archery costumes is
+usually of green.
+
+An elegant skating costume may be of velvet, trimmed with fur, with fur
+bordered gloves and boots. Any of the warm, bright colored wool fabrics,
+however, are suitable for the dress. If blue or green are worn, they
+should be relieved with trimmings of dark furs. Silk is not suitable for
+skating costume. To avoid suffering from cold feet, the boot should be
+amply loose.
+
+
+BATHING COSTUME.
+
+Flannel is the best material for a bathing costume, and gray is regarded
+as the most suitable color. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid.
+The best form is the loose sacque, or the yoke waist, both of them to be
+belted in, and falling about midway between the knee and ankle; an
+oilskin cap to protect the hair from the water, and merino socks to
+match the dress, complete the costume.
+
+
+TRAVELING DRESS.
+
+Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the requirements of a
+traveling dress. When a lady is about making an extensive journey, a
+traveling suit is a great convenience, but for a short journey, a large
+linen overdress or duster may be put on over the ordinary dress in
+summer, and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way.
+For traveling costumes a variety of materials may be used, of soft,
+neutral tints, and smooth surface which does not retain the dust. These
+should be made up plainly and quite short. The underskirts should be
+colored, woolen in winter and linen in summer. The hat or bonnet must be
+plainly trimmed and completely protected by a large veil. Velvet is
+unfit for a traveling hat, as it catches and retains the dust; collars
+and cuffs of plain linen. The hair should be put up in the plainest
+manner. A waterproof and warm woolen shawl are indispensible, and may be
+rolled in a shawl strap when not needed. A satchel should be carried, in
+which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs,
+toilet articles, and towels. A traveling dress should be well supplied
+with pockets. The waterproof should have large pockets, and there should
+be one in the underskirt in which to carry such money and valuables as
+are not needed for immediate use.
+
+
+THE WEDDING DRESS.
+
+A full bridal costume should be white from head to foot. The dress may
+be of silk, heavily corded, moire antique, satin or plain silk, merino,
+alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or
+illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not descend over
+the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses
+should form the bridal wreath and bouquet. The dress is high and the
+arms covered. Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the
+dress.
+
+The dress of the bridegroom and ushers is given in the chapter treating
+of the etiquette of weddings.
+
+
+DRESS OF BRIDEMAIDS.
+
+The dresses of bridemaids are not so elaborate as that of the bride.
+They should also be of white, but may be trimmed with delicately colored
+flowers and ribbons. White tulle, worn over pale pink or blue silk and
+caught up with blush roses or forget-me-nots, with _bouquet de corsage_
+and hand bouquet of the same, makes a beautiful costume for the
+bridemaids. The latter, may or may not, wear veils, but if they do, they
+should be shorter than that of the bride.
+
+
+TRAVELING DRESS OF A BRIDE.
+
+This should be of silk, or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses;
+should be of some neutral tint; and bonnet and gloves should match in
+color. It may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling
+dress, but if the bride wishes to attract as little attention as
+possible, she will not make herself conspicuous by a too showy dress. In
+private weddings the bride is sometimes married in traveling costume,
+and the bridal pair at once set out upon their journey.
+
+
+DRESS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS.
+
+At wedding receptions in the evening, guests should wear full evening
+dress. No one should attend in black or mourning dress, which should
+give place to grey or lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded
+couple, guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves.
+
+
+MOURNING.
+
+The people of the United States have settled upon no prescribed periods
+for the wearing of mourning garments. Some wear them long after their
+hearts have ceased to mourn. Where there is profound grief, no rules are
+needed, but where the sorrow is not so great, there is need of
+observance of fixed periods for wearing mourning.
+
+Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge, bombazine,
+lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily clinging material,
+with collar and cuffs of crape. Mourning garments should have little or
+no trimming; no flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress is
+not made _en suite_, then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere
+with crape border is worn. The bonnet is of black crape; a hat is
+inadmissible. The veil is of crape or barege with heavy border; black
+gloves and black-bordered handkerchief. In winter dark furs may be worn
+with the deepest mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins,
+buckles, etc., must be of jet. Lustreless alpaca and black silk trimmed
+with crape may be worn in second mourning, with white collars and cuffs.
+The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is
+still retained. A still less degree of mourning is indicated by black
+and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors. Crape is
+still retained in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added. Light
+gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac, indicate a slight
+mourning. Black lace bonnet, with white or violet flowers, supercedes
+crape, and jet and gold jewelry is worn.
+
+
+PERIODS OF WEARING MOURNING.
+
+The following rules have been given by an authority competent to speak
+on these matters regarding the degree of mourning and the length of time
+it should be worn:
+
+"The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is
+worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow's mourning for the first year
+consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded
+untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape
+veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and
+cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray,
+violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly
+plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never
+a hat.
+
+"The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six
+months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with
+crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings,
+black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black
+silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of
+tulle and white bonnet-facings; and the last three months in gray,
+purple and violet. Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn
+for a parent.
+
+"Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months, three months black
+woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of
+crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in black silk trimmed
+with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in
+gray, purple, white and violet.
+
+"Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance, is the same
+as that worn for a grandparent.
+
+"Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months, two months in
+solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of
+black with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk,
+with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white
+and violet.
+
+"Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the
+second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings
+being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same
+length of time.
+
+"The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk
+or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close
+mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits--in fact, trimming of
+any kind--is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.
+
+"Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a
+border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is
+lightened.
+
+"Mourning silks should be perfectly lusterless, and the ribbons worn
+without any gloss.
+
+"Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress,
+even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a
+gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.
+
+"The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer
+and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and
+bonnet ribbons."
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI.
+
+Harmony of Colors in Dress.
+
+
+The selection and proper arrangement of colors, so that they will
+produce the most pleasant harmony, is one of the most desirable
+requisites in dress. Sir Joshua Reynolds says: "Color is the last
+attainment of excellence in every school of painting." The same may also
+be said in regard to the art of using colors in dress. Nevertheless, it
+is the first thing to which we should give our attention and study.
+
+We put bright colors upon our little children; we dress our young girls
+in light and delicate shades; the blooming matron is justified in
+adopting the warm, rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while
+black and neutral tints are declared appropriate to the old.
+
+One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it
+should be in a limited quantity and only by way of contrast or harmony.
+Some colors may never, under any circumstances, be worn together,
+because they produce positive discord to the eye. If the dress be blue,
+red should never be introduced by way of trimming, or _vice versa_. Red
+and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scarlet and crimson may
+never be united in the same costume. If the dress be red, green maybe
+introduced in a minute quantity; if blue, orange; if green, crimson.
+Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, each killing the other
+whenever they meet.
+
+Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, may not be used in equal
+quantities in the dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they
+divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any
+quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as gray or drab. Black
+may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades
+of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though
+it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and
+pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the
+black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab,
+being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with
+equal effect with all.
+
+A person of very fair, delicate complexion, should always wear the most
+delicate of tints, such as light blue, mauve and pea-green. A brunette
+requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the
+brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair call
+for blue.
+
+Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white,
+and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold.
+
+Dark brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity.
+
+If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale yellowish green will by
+reflection produce the lacking warm tint.
+
+Light brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden
+tint.
+
+Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased
+by the addition of pearls or white flowers.
+
+Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of
+a golden red, blue, green, purple or black will bring out the richness
+of its tints.
+
+Flaxen hair requires blue.
+
+
+MATERIAL FOR DRESS.
+
+The material for dress must be selected with reference to the purpose
+which it is to serve. No one buys a yellow satin dress for the
+promenade, yet a yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful, as an
+evening-dress. Neither would one buy a heavy serge of neutral tint for
+an opera-dress.
+
+
+SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS.
+
+A small person may dress in light colors which would be simply
+ridiculous on a person of larger proportions. So a lady of majestic
+appearance should never wear white, but will be seen to the best
+advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of diminutive stature is
+dressed in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large figures,
+plaids or stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in
+similar garments, because, united with her size, they give her a "loud"
+appearance. Indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are
+never in perfect taste.
+
+Heavy, rich materials suit a tall figure, while light, full draperies
+should only be worn by those of slender proportions and not too short.
+The very short and stout must be content with meagre drapery and quiet
+colors.
+
+Tall and slim persons should avoid stripes; short, chunky ones,
+flounces, or any horizontal trimming of the dress which, by breaking the
+outline from the waist to the feet, produces an effect of shortening.
+
+
+HOW COLORS HARMONIZE.
+
+Colors may form a harmony either by contrast or by analogy. When two
+remote shades of one color are associated, such as very light blue and a
+very dark blue, they harmonize by contrast, though the harmony may be
+neither striking nor perfect. When two colors which are similar to each
+other are grouped, such as orange and scarlet, crimson and orange, they
+harmonize by analogy. A harmony of contrast is characterized by
+brilliancy and decision, and a harmony of analogy by a quiet and
+pleasing association of colors.
+
+When a color is chosen which is favorable to the complexion, it is well
+to associate with it the tints which will harmonize by analogy, as to
+use contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect. When a color
+is used in dress, not suitable to the complexion, it should be
+associated with contrasting colors, as they have the power to neutralize
+its objectionable influence.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+Colors of similar power which contrast with each other, mutually
+intensify each other's brilliancy, as blue and orange, scarlet and
+green; but dark and light colors associated do not intensify each other
+to the same degree, the dark appearing darker and the light appearing
+lighter, as dark blue and straw color. Colors which harmonize with each
+other by analogy, reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less
+degree, as white and yellow, blue and purple, black and brown.
+
+The various shades of purple and lilac, dark blues and dark greens, lose
+much of their brilliancy by gaslight, while orange, scarlet, crimson,
+the light browns and light greens, gain brilliancy by a strong
+artificial light.
+
+Below the reader will find a list of colors that harmonize, forming most
+agreeable combinations, in which are included all the latest and most
+fashionable shades and colors:
+
+          Black and pink.
+          Black and lilac.
+          Black and scarlet.
+          Black and maize.
+          Black and slate color.
+          Black and orange, a rich harmony.
+          Black and white, a perfect harmony.
+          Black and brown, a dull harmony.
+          Black and drab or buff.
+          Black, white or yellow and crimson.
+          Black, orange, blue and scarlet.
+          Black and chocolate brown.
+          Black and shaded cardinal.
+          Black and cardinal.
+          Black, yellow, bronze and light blue.
+          Black, cardinal, blue and old gold.
+          Blue and brown.
+          Blue and black.
+          Blue and gold, a rich harmony.
+          Blue and orange, a perfect harmony.
+          Blue and chestnut (or chocolate).
+          Blue and maize.
+          Blue and straw color.
+          Blue and white.
+          Blue and fawn color, weak harmony.
+          Blue and stone color.
+          Blue and drab.
+          Blue and lilac, weak harmony.
+          Blue and crimson, imperfectly.
+          Blue and pink, poor harmony.
+          Blue and salmon color.
+          Blue, scarlet and purple (or lilac).
+          Blue, orange and black.
+          Blue, orange and green.
+          Blue, brown, crimson and gold (or yellow).
+          Blue, orange, black and white.
+          Blue, pink and bronze green.
+          Blue, cardinal and old gold.
+          Blue, yellow, chocolate-brown and gold.
+          Blue, mulberry and yellow.
+          Bronze and old gold.
+          Bronze, pink and light blue.
+          Bronze, black, blue, pink and gold.
+          Bronze, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Brown, blue, green, cardinal and yellow.
+          Brown, yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Crimson and gold, rich harmony.
+          Crimson and orange, rich harmony.
+          Crimson and brown, dull harmony.
+          Crimson and black, dull harmony.
+          Crimson and drab.
+          Crimson and maize.
+          Crimson and purple.
+          Cardinal and old gold.
+          Cardinal, brown and black.
+          Cardinal and navy blue.
+          Chocolate, blue, pink and gold.
+          Claret and old gold.
+          Dark green, white and cardinal.
+          Ecrue, bronze and peacock.
+          Ecrue and light blue.
+          Garnet, bronze and pink.
+          Gensd'arme and cardinal.
+          Gensd'arme and bronze.
+          Gensd'arme and myrtle.
+          Gensd'arme and old gold.
+          Gensd'arme, yellow and cardinal.
+          Gensd'arme, pink, cardinal and lavender.
+          Green and gold, or gold color.
+          Green and scarlet.
+          Green and orange.
+          Green and yellow.
+          Green, crimson, blue and gold, or yellow.
+          Green, blue and scarlet.
+          Green, gold and mulberry.
+          Green and cardinal.
+          Lilac and white, poor.
+          Lilac and gray, poor.
+          Lilac and maize.
+          Lilac and cherry.
+          Lilac and gold, or gold color.
+          Lilac and scarlet.
+          Lilac and crimson.
+          Lilac, scarlet and white or black.
+          Lilac, gold color and crimson.
+          Lilac, yellow or gold, scarlet and white.
+          Light pink and garnet.
+          Light drab, pine, yellow and white.
+          Myrtle and old gold.
+          Myrtle and bronze.
+          Myrtle, red, blue and yellow.
+          Myrtle, mulberry, cardinal, gold and light green.
+          Mulberry and old gold.
+          Mulberry and gold.
+          Mulberry and bronze.
+          Mulberry, bronze and gold.
+          Mulberry and pearl.
+          Mode, pearl and mulberry.
+          Maroon, yellow, silvery gray and light green.
+          Navy blue, light blue and gold.
+          Navy blue, gensd'arme and pearl.
+          Navy blue, maize, cardinal and yellow.
+          Orange and bronze, agreeable.
+          Orange and chestnut.
+          Orange, lilac and crimson.
+          Orange, red and green.
+          Orange, purple and scarlet.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet and purple.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet and claret.
+          Orange, blue, scarlet, white and green.
+          Orange, blue and crimson.
+          Pearl, light blue and peacock blue.
+          Peacock blue and light gold.
+          Peacock blue and old gold.
+          Peacock blue and cardinal.
+          Peacock blue, pearl, gold and cardinal.
+          Purple and maize.
+          Purple and blue.
+          Purple and gold, or gold color, rich.
+          Purple and orange, rich.
+          Purple and black, heavy.
+          Purple and white, cold.
+          Purple, scarlet and gold color.
+          Purple, scarlet and white.
+          Purple, scarlet, blue and orange.
+          Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and black.
+          Red and white, or gray.
+          Red and gold, or gold color.
+          Red, orange and green.
+          Red, yellow or gold color and black.
+          Red, gold color, black and white.
+          Seal brown, gold and cardinal.
+          Sapphire and bronze.
+          Sapphire and old gold.
+          Sapphire and cardinal.
+          Sapphire and light blue.
+          Sapphire and light pink.
+          Sapphire and corn.
+          Sapphire and garnet.
+          Sapphire and mulberry.
+          Shaded blue and black.
+          Scarlet and blue.
+          Scarlet and slate color.
+          Scarlet and orange.
+          Scarlet, blue and white.
+          Scarlet, blue and yellow.
+          Scarlet, black and white.
+          Scarlet, blue, black and yellow.
+          Shaded blue, shaded garnet and shaded gold.
+          Shaded blue and black.
+          White and cherry.
+          White and crimson.
+          White and brown.
+          White and pink.
+          White and scarlet.
+          White and gold color, poor.
+          Yellow and black.
+          Yellow and brown.
+          Yellow and red.
+          Yellow and chestnut or chocolate.
+          Yellow and white, poor.
+          Yellow and purple, agreeable.
+          Yellow and violet.
+          Yellow and lilac, weak.
+          Yellow and blue, cold.
+          Yellow and crimson.
+          Yellow, purple and crimson.
+          Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue.
+          Yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
+          Yellow, pink, maroon and light blue.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII.
+
+The Toilet.
+
+
+To appear at all times neat, clean and tidy, is demanded of every
+well-bred person. The dress may be plain, rich or extravagant, but there
+must be a neatness and cleanliness of the person. Whether a lady is
+possessed of few or many personal attractions, it is her duty at all
+times to appear tidy and clean, and to make herself as comely and
+attractive as circumstances and surroundings will permit. The same may
+be said of a gentleman. If a gentleman calls upon a lady, his duty and
+his respect for her demand that he shall appear not only in good
+clothes, but with well combed hair, exquisitely clean hands, well
+trimmed beard or cleanly shaven face, while the lady will not show
+herself in an untidy dress, or disheveled hair. They should appear at
+their best.
+
+Upon the minor details of the toilet depend, in a great degree, the
+health, not to say the beauty, of the individual. In fact the highest
+state of health is equivalent to the highest degree of beauty of which
+the individual is capable.
+
+
+PERFUMES.
+
+Perfumes, if used at all, should be used in the strictest moderation,
+and be of the most _recherche_ kind. Musk and patchouli should always be
+avoided, as, to many people of sensitive temperament, their odor is
+exceedingly disagreeable. Cologne water of the best quality is never
+offensive.
+
+
+THE BATH.
+
+Cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity. Cleanliness of the
+person is health, and health is beauty. The bath is consequently a very
+important means of preserving the health and enhancing the beauty. It is
+not to be supposed that we bathe simply to become clean, but because we
+wish to remain clean. Cold water refreshes and invigorates, but does not
+cleanse, and persons who daily use a sponge bath in the morning, should
+frequently use a warm one, of from ninety-six to one hundred degrees
+Fahrenheit for cleansing purposes. When a plunge bath is taken, the
+safest temperature is from eighty to ninety degrees, which answers the
+purposes of both cleansing and refreshing. Soap should be plentifully
+used, and the fleshbrush applied vigorously, drying with a coarse
+Turkish towel. Nothing improves the complexion like the daily use of the
+fleshbrush, with early rising and exercise in the open air.
+
+In many houses, in large cities, there is a separate bath-room, with hot
+and cold water, but in smaller places and country houses this
+convenience is not to be found. A substitute for the bath-room is a
+large piece of oil-cloth, which can be laid upon the floor of an
+ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath tub or basin,
+or a person may use it to stand upon while taking a sponge bath. The
+various kinds of baths, both hot and cold, are the shower bath, the
+douche, the hip bath and the sponge bath.
+
+The shower bath can only be endured by the most vigorous constitutions,
+and therefore cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use.
+
+A douche or hip bath may be taken every morning, with the temperature of
+the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a sponge
+bath may be taken upon retiring. Once a week a warm bath, at from ninety
+to one hundred degrees, may be taken, with plenty of soap, in order to
+thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. Rough towels should be
+vigorously used after these baths, not only to remove the impurities of
+the skin but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the
+whole body. The hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in
+the bath before the towel is applied.
+
+
+THE TEETH.
+
+The teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after each meal,
+and also on retiring at night. Use the brush so that not only the
+outside of the teeth becomes white, but the inside also. After the
+brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of water, then
+rub it quite dry on a towel.
+
+Use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly. Castile soap used once a
+day, with frequent brushings with pure water and a brush, cannot fail to
+keep the teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and destroyed
+by other bad habits, such as the use of tobacco, or too hot or too cold
+drinks.
+
+
+DECAYED TEETH.
+
+On the slightest appearance of decay or tendency to accumulate tartar,
+go at once to the dentist. If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is
+neglected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A
+dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage, will remove the decayed
+part and plug the cavity in a proper manner.
+
+
+TARTAR ON THE TEETH.
+
+Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires equally early
+attention. It results from an impaired state of the general health, and
+assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At
+first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of
+the tooth brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is necessary
+to have it chipped off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it
+will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it
+fixes, and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect--that
+of tainting the breath. Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush
+is used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar.
+
+Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are subject, may sometimes
+be met by the use of salt and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth
+frequently with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it.
+
+
+FOUL BREATH.
+
+Foul breath, unless caused by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged
+state of the system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other local
+case, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of
+lime in half a tumbler of water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting
+the breath, may be glad to know that the common parsley has a peculiar
+effect in removing the odor of tobacco.
+
+
+THE SKIN.
+
+Beauty and health of the skin can only be obtained by perfect
+cleanliness of the entire person, an avoidance of all cosmetics, added
+to proper diet, correct habits and early habits of rising and exercise.
+The skin must be thoroughly washed, occasionally with warm water and
+soap, to remove the oily exudations on its surface. If any unpleasant
+sensations are experienced after the use of soap, they may be
+immediately removed by rinsing the surface with water to which a little
+lemon juice or vinegar has been added.
+
+
+PRESERVING A YOUTHFUL COMPLEXION.
+
+The following rules may be given for the preservation of a youthful
+complexion: Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use
+plenty of cold water and good soap frequently. Be moderate in eating and
+drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere
+of crowded assemblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The
+latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have
+in view.
+
+
+MOLES.
+
+Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face, but they should
+not be tampered with in any way. The only safe and certain mode of
+getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation.
+
+
+FRECKLES.
+
+Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine,
+and consequently evanescent, are denominated "summer freckles;" those
+which are constitutional and permanent are called "cold freckles." With
+regard to the latter, it is impossible to give any advice which will be
+of value. They result from causes not to be affected by mere external
+applications. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with, and
+with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of
+disfigurement. Some skins are so delicate that they become freckled on
+the slightest exposure to open air in summer. The cause assigned for
+this is that the iron in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen,
+leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give in their
+appropriate places some recipes for removing these latter freckles from
+the face.
+
+
+OTHER DISCOLORATIONS.
+
+There are various other discolorations of the skin, proceeding
+frequently from derangement of the system. The cause should always be
+discovered before attempting a remedy; otherwise you may aggravate the
+complaint rather than cure it.
+
+
+THE EYES.
+
+Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can owe little to the toilet.
+As in the eye consists much of the expression of the face, therefore it
+should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a
+pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and
+beautify the soul, and then this beautiful soul will look through its
+natural windows.
+
+Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroying them. All
+daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar.
+
+
+SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS.
+
+Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. It may be acquired by
+bad habits in youth. A short-sighted person should supply himself with
+glasses exactly adapted to his wants; but it is well not to use these
+glasses too constantly, as, even when they perfectly fit the eye, they
+really tend to shorten the sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it
+is best to keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordinarily to
+the unaided eye. Parents and teachers should watch their children and
+see that they do not acquire the habit of holding their books too close
+to their eyes, and thus injure their sight.
+
+
+SQUINT-EYES AND CROSS-EYES.
+
+Parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint
+or cross-eyed through any carelessness. A child's hair hanging down
+loosely over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over them, or a
+loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead, is sometimes
+sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently
+crossed.
+
+
+THE EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.
+
+A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may
+be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be
+taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that
+the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye. The eyebrows may be
+brushed carefully in the direction in which they should lie. In general,
+it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows, for it
+usually brings them into disharmony with the hair and features. There
+are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is
+utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases one can hardly
+be blamed if India ink is resorted to to give them the desired color.
+Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty in no way, and may result
+in an irregular growth of new hair.
+
+
+TAKE CARE OF THE EYES.
+
+The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be
+strained in an imperfect light, whether that of shrouded daylight,
+twilight or flickering lamp or candle-light. Many persons have an idea
+that an habitually dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it
+weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of
+the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of
+day, and the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will
+be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight.
+
+
+EYEBROWS MEETING.
+
+Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually
+considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a
+consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style
+of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is useless to
+pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like
+that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than
+the hair.
+
+
+INFLAMED EYES.
+
+If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, do not seek to remove
+the scales roughly, for they will bring the lashes with them. Apply at
+night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, and wash
+them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It is well to have on
+the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is
+simple and well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and wash off
+with rose-water in the morning. There is a simple lotion made by
+dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the
+same size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold
+and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it.
+
+
+THE STY.
+
+A sty in the eye is irritating and disfiguring. Bathe with warm water;
+at night apply a bread-and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick
+it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be obstinate, a little
+citrine ointment may be applied, care being taken that it does not get
+into the eye.
+
+
+THE HAIR.
+
+There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an individual, especially
+a lady, as a good head of hair. The skin of the head requires even more
+tenderness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body, and is
+capable of being irritated by disease. The hair should be brushed
+carefully. The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The
+hair should be separated, in order that the head itself may be well
+brushed, as by doing so the scurf is removed, and that is most
+essential, as it is not only unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered
+to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration, and tends to weaken
+the roots of the hair, so that it is easily pulled out. In brushing or
+combing, begin at the extreme points, and in combing, hold the portion
+of hair just above that through which the comb is passing, firmly
+between the first and second fingers, so that if it is entangled it may
+drag from that point, and not from the roots. The finest head of hair
+may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and
+dragging it in a reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus
+created, and become very troublesome.
+
+
+THE USE OF HAIR OILS.
+
+Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. A white, concrete oil
+pertains naturally to the covering of the human head, but some persons
+have it in more abundance than others. Those whose hair is glossy and
+shining need nothing to render it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor
+and dry, artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who perspire
+freely, or who accumulate scurf rapidly, require it also. Nothing is
+simpler or better in the way of oil than pure, unscented salad oil, and
+in the way of a pomatum, bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. Apply
+either with the hands, or keep a soft brush for the purpose, but take
+care not to use the oil too freely. An overoiled head of hair is vulgar
+and offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil applied to the hair.
+It is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at
+night after brushing it, in order to remove the oil before laying the
+head upon the pillow.
+
+Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair. Ammonia
+diluted in water is still better.
+
+The hair-brush should be frequently washed in diluted ammonia.
+
+For removing scurf, glycerine, diluted with a little rose-water, will be
+found of service. Any preparation of rosemary forms an agreeable and
+highly cleansing wash. The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an
+excellent application to the scalp. Many heads of hair require nothing
+more in the way of wash than soap and water. Beware of letting the hair
+grow too long, as the points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to
+have the ends clipped off once a month.
+
+Young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up, if
+they would have it then in its best condition.
+
+
+DYEING THE HAIR.
+
+A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is almost impossible
+to give the hair a tint which harmonizes with the complexion. If the
+hair begins to change early, and the color goes in patches, procure from
+the druggist's a preparation of the husk of the walnut water of _eau
+crayon_. This will, by daily application, darken the tint of the hair
+without actually dyeing it. When the change of color has gone on to any
+great extent, it is better to abandon the application and put up with
+the change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in accordance with
+the change of the face. Indeed, there is nothing more beautiful than
+soft, white hair worn in bands or clustering curls about the face. The
+walnut water may be used for toning down too red hair.
+
+
+BALDNESS.
+
+Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, owing, no doubt, to
+the use of the close hat, which confines and overheats the head. If the
+hair is found to be falling out, the first thing to do is to look to the
+hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no
+greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat. It is best to lay
+this hat aside altogether and adopt a light felt or straw in its place.
+
+Long, flowing hair on a man is not in good taste, and will indicate him
+to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic
+character--a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others with the fact
+that he is eccentric, something which a really eccentric person never
+attempts.
+
+
+THE BEARD.
+
+Those who shave should be careful to do so every morning. Nothing looks
+worse than a shabby beard. Some persons whose beards are strong should
+shave twice a day, especially if they are going to a party in the
+evening.
+
+The style of the growth of the beard should be governed by the character
+of the face. But whatever the style be, the great point is to keep it
+well brushed and trimmed, and to avoid any appearance of wildness or
+inattention. The full, flowing beard of course requires more looking
+after in the way of cleanliness, than any other. It should be thoroughly
+washed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to accumulate
+in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's
+self as well as to others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to
+avoid the use of oil or pomatum. The moustache should be worn neatly and
+not over-large. There is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the
+full beard if carefully and neatly kept.
+
+
+THE HAND.
+
+The beautiful hand is long and slender, with tapering fingers and pink,
+filbert-shaped nails. The hand to be in proper proportion to the rest of
+the body, should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of
+the hair on the forehead.
+
+The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and therefore should be
+very frequently washed--not merely rinsed in soap and water, but
+thoroughly lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In cold
+weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjectionable, after which the
+hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a
+fine towel.
+
+Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and rub them briskly for
+some time afterward. When this is not sufficiently attended to in cold
+weather, the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub a few drops of
+honey over them when dry, or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine
+before going to bed.
+
+
+CHAPPED HANDS.
+
+As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands, so the winter
+season brings with it a cure for them. A thorough washing in snow and
+soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands, and leave them
+beautifully soft.
+
+
+TO MAKE THE HANDS WHITE AND DELICATE.
+
+Should you wish to make your hands white and delicate, you might wash
+them in milk and water for a day or two. On retiring to rest, rub them
+well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves. The
+hands should be thoroughly washed with hot water and soap the next
+morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn during the day. They
+should be frequently rubbed together to promote circulation. Sunburnt
+hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice.
+
+
+TREATMENT OF WARTS.
+
+Warts, which are more common with young people than with adults, are
+very unsightly, and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best
+plan is to buy a stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and
+case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and touch the
+wart every morning and evening, care being taken to cut away the
+withered skin before repeating the operation. A still better plan is to
+apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's hair pencil to the
+summit of the wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch
+any of the surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or hand at the
+base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation.
+
+
+THE NAILS.
+
+Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentleman, however well
+dressed they may otherwise be, with unclean nails. It always results
+from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet,
+which is most reprehensible. The nails should be cut about once a
+week--certainly not oftener. This should be accomplished just after
+washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should be taken not
+to cut them too short, though, if they are left too long, they will
+frequently get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the
+corners. Recollect the filbert-shaped nail is considered the most
+beautiful. Never bite the nails; it not only is a most disagreeable
+habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, deformed and difficult to
+clean, besides gives a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips.
+
+Some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it
+grows. This may be pressed down by the towel after washing; or should
+that not prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge with some
+blunt instrument. On no account scrape the nails with a view to
+polishing their surface. Such an operation only tends to make them
+wrinkled.
+
+Absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty, which requires
+that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure. With
+proper care the hand may be retained beautiful, soft and shapely, and
+yet perform its fair share of labor. The hands should always be
+protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them.
+Gloves are imperatively required for garden-work. The hands should
+always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If
+they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or
+lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth at once.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR MOIST HANDS.
+
+People afflicted with moist hands should revolutionize their habits,
+take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a
+nutritious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic of
+some sort. Local applications of starch-powder and the juice of lemon
+may be used to advantage.
+
+
+THE FEET.
+
+A well formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes well spread, each
+separate toe perfect and rounded in form. The nails are regular and
+perfect in shape as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a
+little beyond the others, and the first, or big toe, stands slightly
+apart from the rest and is slightly lifted. The feet, from the
+circumstance of their being so much confined by boots and shoes, require
+more care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they do not always
+get this care. The hands receive frequent washings every day. Once a
+week is quite as often as many people can bestow the same attention upon
+their feet. A tepid bath at about 80 or 90 degrees, should be used. The
+feet may remain in the water about five minutes, and the instant they
+are taken out they should be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well
+rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the water. Few
+things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk, or
+getting wet in the feet, than a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a
+pair of easy shoes. After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails,
+as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in
+warm water.
+
+
+TREATMENT FOR MOIST OR DAMP FEET.
+
+Some persons are troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises
+more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, and the
+greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it.
+Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm
+water, after which they should put on clean socks. Should this fail to
+cure, they may, after being washed as above, be rinsed, and then
+thoroughly rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water
+and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda.
+
+
+BLISTERS ON THE FEET.
+
+People who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters. The best
+preventative of these is to have easy, well-fitting boots and woolen
+socks. Should blisters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large
+darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise,
+leaving an inch or so of the thread outside at each end. This keeps the
+scurf-skin close to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt
+entering. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin remains until
+the new one grows. A blister should not be punctured save in this
+manner, as it may degenerate into a sore and become very troublesome.
+
+
+CHILBLAINS.
+
+To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules:
+1. Avoid getting the feet wet; if they become so, change the shoes and
+stockings at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never
+under any circumstances "toast your toes" before the fire, especially if
+you are very cold. Frequent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of
+alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains. On the first
+indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would
+be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a
+little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in
+camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and
+retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily
+with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, with half the
+quantity in weight of oil of turpentine.
+
+
+THE TOE NAILS.
+
+The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-nails, but they should
+be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight. They are much
+more subject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to
+their confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at the
+sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint introduced
+beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the nail itself scraped
+longitudinally.
+
+Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers. Keep them a
+moderate length--long enough to protect the toe, but not so long as to
+cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is
+too frequently the practice. Be careful not to destroy the spongy
+substance below the nails, as that is the great guard to prevent them
+going into the quick.
+
+
+CORNS.
+
+It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose, easy-fitting
+shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns. Some people are more
+liable to corns than others, and some will persist in the use of
+tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns.
+
+
+HOW TO HAVE SHOES MADE.
+
+The great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too
+narrow. If one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should
+go to the shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of
+paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact
+size of his foot, and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad
+as this outlined foot.
+
+Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet
+have been the high, narrow heels so much worn lately. They make it
+difficult to walk, and even in some cases permanently cripple the feet.
+A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole and a heel of
+moderate height, say one-half an inch, as broad at the bottom as at the
+top.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII.
+
+Toilet Recipes.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FRECKLES.
+
+Bruise and squeeze the juice out of common chick-weed, and to this juice
+add three times its quantity of soft water. Bathe the skin with this for
+five or ten minutes morning and evening, and wash afterwards with clean
+water.
+
+Elder flowers treated and applied exactly in the same manner as above.
+When the flowers are not to be had, the distilled water from them, which
+may be procured from any druggist, will answer the purpose.
+
+A good freckle lotion is made of honey, one ounce, mixed with one pint
+of lukewarm water. Apply when cold.
+
+Carbonate of potassa, twenty grains; milk of almonds, three ounces; oil
+of sassafras, three drops. Mix and apply two or three times a day.
+
+One ounce of alcohol; half a dram salts tartar; one dram oil bitter
+almonds. Let stand for one day and apply every second day.
+
+
+FOR PIMPLES ON THE FACE.
+
+Wash the face in a solution composed of one teaspoonful of carbolic acid
+to a pint of water. This is an excellent purifying lotion, and may be
+used on the most delicate skin. Be careful not to get any of it in the
+eyes as it will weaken them.
+
+One tablespoonful of borax to half a pint of water is an excellent
+remedy for cutaneous eruptions, canker, ringworm, etc.
+
+Pulverize a piece of alum the size of a walnut, dissolve it in one ounce
+of lemon juice, and add one ounce of alcohol. Apply once or twice a day.
+
+Mix two ounces of rose-water with one dram of sulphate of zinc. Wet the
+face gently and let it dry. Then touch the affected part with cream.
+
+
+WASH FOR THE COMPLEXION.
+
+A teaspoonful of the flour of sulphur and a wine-glassful of lime-water,
+well shaken and mixed; half a wine-glass of glycerine and a wine-glass
+of rose water. Rub it on the face every night before going to bed. Shake
+well before using.
+
+Another prescription, used by hunters to keep away the black flies and
+mosquitoes, is said to leave the skin very clear and fair, and is as
+follows: Mix one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or
+almond oil, by heating the two together in a tin cup set in boiling
+water. Stir till completely mixed and smooth, putting in more oil if the
+compound is too thick to run easily. Rub this on the face when going to
+bed, and lay patches of soft cloth on the cheeks and forehead to keep
+the tar from rubbing off. The bed linen must be protected by cloth
+folded and thrown over the pillows.
+
+The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water; half an ounce of alum;
+half an ounce of sweet almonds; beat the whole together until it assumes
+the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or muslin mask, to be worn
+at night.
+
+Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine
+till it becomes a rich tincture. In using it pour fifteen drops into a
+glass of water, wash the face and hands and allow it to dry.
+
+
+BORACIC ACID FOR SKIN DISEASES.
+
+Boracic acid has been used with great success as an external application
+in the treatment of vegetable parasitic diseases of the skin. A solution
+of a dram of the acid to an ounce of water, or as much of the acid as
+the water will take up, is found to meet the requirements of the case
+satisfactorily. The affected parts should be well bathed in the solution
+twice a day and well rubbed.
+
+
+TO SOFTEN THE SKIN.
+
+Mix half an ounce of glycerine with half an ounce of alcohol, and add
+four ounces of rose-water. Shake well together and it is ready for use.
+This is a splendid remedy for chapped hands.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR RINGWORM.
+
+Apply a solution of the root of common narrow-leafed dock, which belongs
+to the botanical genus of _Rumex_. Use vinegar for the solvent.
+
+Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a walnut, in one
+ounce of water. Apply night and morning for a couple of days, and it
+will disappear.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SUNBURN.
+
+Take two drams of borax, one dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an
+ounce of sugar-candy, and a pound of ox-gall. Mix and stir well for ten
+minutes, and stir it three or four times a fortnight. When clear and
+transparent, strain through a blotting paper and bottle for use.
+
+
+TO PREVENT HAIR FALLING OUT.
+
+Ammonia one ounce, rosemary one ounce, cantharides four drams,
+rose-water four ounces, glycerine one ounce. First wet the head with
+cold water, then apply the mixture, rubbing briskly.
+
+Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce,
+rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until it
+becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the
+hair twice a day.
+
+
+TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.
+
+Take two ounces of olive oil, four ounces of good bay rum, and one dram
+of the oil of almonds; mix and shake well. This will darken the hair.
+
+
+HAIR OILS.
+
+Mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol, and add two
+ounces of olive oil. Perfume to liking.
+
+
+TO MAKE POMADES FOR THE HAIR.
+
+Take the marrow out of a beef shank bone, melt it in a vessel placed
+over or in boiling water, then strain and scent to liking, with ottar of
+roses or other perfume.
+
+Unsalted lard five ounces, olive oil two and a half ounces, castor oil
+one-quarter ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti one-quarter ounce. These
+ingredients are to be liquified over a warm bath, and when cool, perfume
+to liking.
+
+Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a little almond oil or sweet oil, and
+scented with ottar of roses or other mild perfume.
+
+A transparent hair pomade is made as follows: Take half a pint of fine
+castor oil and an ounce of white wax. Stir until it gets cool enough to
+thicken, when perfume may be stirred in; geranium, bergamot or lemon oil
+may be used.
+
+
+GERMAN METHOD OF TREATING THE HAIR.
+
+The women of Germany have remarkably fine and luxuriant hair. The
+following is their method of managing it: About once in two or three
+weeks, boil for half an hour or more a large handful of bran in a quart
+of soft water; strain into a basin, and when tepid, rub into the water a
+little white soap. With this wash the head thoroughly, using a soft
+linen cloth or towel, thoroughly dividing the hair so as to reach the
+roots. Then take the yolk of an egg, slightly beaten in a saucer, and
+with the fingers rub it into the roots of the hair. Let it remain a few
+minutes, and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in pure
+water. Rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has disappeared from
+it, then wipe and rub it dry with a towel, and comb the hair from the
+head, parting it with the fingers, then apply some soft pomatum. In
+winter it is best to do all this in a warm room.
+
+
+TO KEEP THE HAIR FROM TURNING GREY.
+
+Take the hulls of butternuts, about four ounces, and infuse in a quart
+of water, and to this add half an ounce of copperas. Apply with a soft
+brush every two or three days. This preparation is harmless, and is far
+better than those dyes made of nitrate of silver.
+
+Oxide of bismuth four drams, spermaceti four drams, pure hog's lard four
+ounces. Melt the two last and add the first.
+
+
+TO CLEANSE THE HAIR AND SCALP.
+
+Beat up a fresh egg and rub it well into the hair, or if more
+convenient, rub it into the hair without beating. Rub the egg in until a
+lather is formed, occasionally wetting the hands in warm water softened
+by borax. By the time a lather is formed, the scalp is clean, then rinse
+the egg all out in a basin of warm water, containing a tablespoonful of
+powdered borax: after that rinse in a basin of clean water.
+
+
+HAIR WASH.
+
+Bay rum six ounces, aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce, bergamot
+oil six drops. Mix.
+
+
+TO MAKE THE HAIR GROW.
+
+If the head be perfectly bald, nothing will ever cause the hair to grow
+again. If the scalp be glossy, and no small hairs are discernible, the
+roots or follicles are dead, and can not be resuscitated. However if
+small hairs are to be seen, there is hope. Brush well, and bathe the
+bald spot three or four times a week with cold, soft water; carbonate of
+ammonia one dram, tincture of cantharides four drams, bay rum four
+ounces, castor oil two ounces. Mix well and use it every day.
+
+
+SEA FOAM OR DRY SHAMPOO.
+
+Take a pint of alcohol, half pint of bay rum, and half an ounce of
+spirits of ammonia, and one dram of salts tartar. Shake well together
+and it is ready for use. Pour a quantity on the head, rub well with the
+palm of the hand. It will produce a thick foam, and will cleanse the
+scalp. This is used generally by first-class barbers.
+
+
+BARBER'S SHAMPOO.
+
+To one pint of warm water add half an ounce of salts tartar. Cut up very
+fine a piece of castile soap, the size of two crackers, and mix it,
+shaking the mixture well, and it is ready for use.
+
+
+CLEANING GOLD JEWELRY.
+
+Gold ornaments may be kept bright and clean with soap and warm water,
+scrubbing them well with a soft nail brush. They may be dried in sawdust
+of box-wood. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way.
+
+
+TO LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILET BOTTLES.
+
+Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper and let the bottle stand a
+foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not
+too hard, with the handle of a hair brush. If this is not effectual, use
+a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is almost sure to
+succeed.
+
+
+TO MAKE BANDOLINE.
+
+Half a pint of water, rectified spirits with an equal quantity of water
+three ounces, gum tragacanth one and a half drams. Add perfume, let the
+mixture stand for a day or two and then strain.
+
+Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes,
+strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, corking tightly.
+
+Iceland moss one-fourth of an ounce, boiled in a quart of water, and a
+little rectified spirit added, so that it will keep.
+
+
+TO MAKE LIP-SALVE.
+
+Melt in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce
+each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and
+half an ounce of the oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool.
+Color red with alkanet root.
+
+
+TO CLEAN KID BOOTS.
+
+Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the composition
+may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to the kid with a
+piece of sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub dry with is the palm
+of the hand. When the kid shows symptoms of cracking, rub in a few drops
+of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with common
+blacking.
+
+
+TO CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS.
+
+In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt upon them
+with a sponge or flannel; then the boot should be rubbed lightly over
+with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed
+oil, both of which require to be warmed before being mixed. Polish with
+a soft cloth.
+
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK.
+
+Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a
+short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash
+the stained part with it and leave dry.
+
+Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will disappear.
+
+We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vitriol and other sharp
+corrosives, stain dyed garments. Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash
+to a soap-lather and passing the silks through these, the faded color
+will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone, but
+it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together.
+
+
+TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE.
+
+Use flower of sulphur as a tooth powder every night, rubbing the teeth
+and gums with a rather hard toothbrush. If done after dinner, too, all
+the better. It preserves the teeth and does not communicate any smell
+whatever to the mouth.
+
+
+HOW TO WHITEN LINEN.
+
+Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may be
+removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride
+of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. The parts
+subjected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft,
+clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediately dried in the sun.
+
+Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end.
+
+
+TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK.
+
+Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one ounce of
+oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently
+with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. To remove acid stains
+from silks, apply with a soft rag, spirits of ammonia.
+
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS.
+
+For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to the
+influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt are also
+good. As fast as the spots become dry, more should be rubbed on, and the
+garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. Some one of
+the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains, but a hot sun is
+necessary to render any one of them effectual.
+
+Scalding water will remove fruit stains. So also will hartshorn diluted
+with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several times.
+
+Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract
+them.
+
+Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, should be soaked in
+lukewarm sour milk.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR.
+
+Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate the spots with
+sweet oil or lard; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm place for
+an hour.
+
+
+TO EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS.
+
+Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a number of
+hours, then rub it between the hands; it will crumble away without
+injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or
+silk goods.
+
+
+TO CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS.
+
+Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses.
+Put the silk on a clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with
+a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and hang it
+up to dry without wringing. Iron it before it gets dry, on the wrong
+side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nicely.
+
+Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the
+color of most things. They should be dried in the open air and ironed
+when pretty dry.
+
+The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash
+black silks in; it stiffens and makes them glossy and black.
+
+Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in two suds and not
+rinsed in clean water.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES.
+
+If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near
+the stove, and thus had them burned, she can make them nearly as good as
+ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot, and
+then, when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the leather and
+prevents it drawing up.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR CORNS.
+
+Soak the feet for half an hour two or three nights successively in a
+pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali dissolves the
+indurated cuticle and the corn comes away, leaving a little cavity
+which, however, soon fills up.
+
+Corns between the toes are generally more painful than others, and are
+frequently so situated as to be almost inaccessible to the usual
+remedies. They may be cured by wetting them several times a day with
+spirits of ammonia.
+
+
+INFLAMED EYELIDS.
+
+Take a slice of stale bread, cut as thin as possible, toast both sides
+well, but do not burn it; when cold soak it in cold water, then put it
+between a piece of old linen and apply, changing when it gets warm.
+
+
+TO MAKE COLD CREAM.
+
+Melt in a jar two ounces of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of sweet oil. Add perfume to suit.
+
+Melt together an ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and
+mix with a pint of oil of sweet almonds and half a pint of rose-water.
+Beat to a paste.
+
+
+TO MAKE ROSE-WATER.
+
+Take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesia.
+With these mix twelve drops of ottar of roses. Add a quart of water, two
+ounces of alcohol, mix in a gradual manner, and filter through blotting
+paper.
+
+
+HOW TO WASH LACES.
+
+Take a quart bottle and cover it over with the leg of a soft, firm
+stocking, sew it tightly above and below. Then wind the collar or lace
+smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and
+sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace, catching
+every loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in a
+pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a
+soft sponge. It must be rinsed well after the same manner in clean
+water. When the lace is clean, apply a very weak solution of gum arabic
+and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take off the lace very
+carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it between the
+white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a hurry, iron on flannel
+between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. Done up in this way, lace
+collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy
+look that they will not have otherwise.
+
+
+HOW TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR.
+
+The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be worn,
+will fade in course of time; and though they matched the natural hair
+perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the
+hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark brown calico.
+Boil it until the color has well come out into the water. Then into this
+water dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the operation
+until it shall be of the required depth of shade.
+
+
+PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER.
+
+When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard
+against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour
+sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco or
+snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers. Before putting your
+muffs away for the summer, twirl them by the cord at the ends, so that
+every hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of
+paper where the lid fits on.
+
+
+TO KEEP THE HAIR IN CURL.
+
+To keep the hair in curl take a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and
+add perfumery if you like; wet the hair with this and it will keep in
+curl longer than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good
+to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind.
+
+
+PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS.
+
+Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and
+spirits of turpentine; keep in a stone bottle and shake before using.
+Dip blotting paper in the liquid, and place in the box with the articles
+to be preserved.
+
+
+TO TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN.
+
+Wet the linen in soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape
+some fine chalk to powder, and rub it well into the linen; lay it out
+on the grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with soft water.
+Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will
+entirely disappear.
+
+
+CURE FOR IN-GROWING NAILS ON TOES.
+
+Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a lamp
+until it becomes very hot; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The
+effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at once be
+relieved. The operation causes very little pain if the tallow is
+perfectly heated. Perhaps a repetition may be necessary in some cases.
+
+
+TO REMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH.
+
+Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of winter
+green, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavendar. A little
+alkanet to color if you wish. Mix.
+
+
+TO CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH.
+
+Take equal parts of spirits hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall mixed with it
+makes it better.
+
+
+TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.
+
+Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the
+spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow: Then throw the linen
+into the wash.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FRUIT-STAINS.
+
+Moisten the parts stained with cold water; then hold it over the smoke
+of burning brimstone, and the stain will disappear. This will remove
+iron mould also.
+
+
+CLEANING SILVER.
+
+For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those
+pertaining to the toilet-table or dressing-case, there is nothing better
+than a spoonful of common whiting, carefully pounded so as to be without
+lumps, reduced to a paste with gin.
+
+
+TO REMOVE GREASE SPOTS.
+
+French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. Spots on
+silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over
+them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and passed over
+the paper.
+
+
+TO REMOVE A TIGHT RING.
+
+When a ring happens to get so tight on a finger that it cannot be
+removed, a piece of string, well soaped, may be wound tightly round the
+finger, commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the ring
+is reached. Then force the end of the twine between the ring and finger,
+and as the string is unwound, the ring will be gradually forced off.
+
+
+MOSQUITOES WARDED OFF.
+
+To ward off mosquitoes, apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops
+of carbolic acid to an ounce of glycerine. Mosquito bites may be
+instantly cured by touching them with the solution. Add two or three
+drops of the ottar of roses to disguise the smell. The pure, crystalized
+form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the common preparation.
+
+
+LINIMENT FOR THE FACE AFTER SHAVING.
+
+One ounce of lime water, one ounce of sweet oil, one drop oil of roses,
+is a good liniment for the face after shaving. Shake well before using.
+Apply with the forefinger.
+
+
+TO REMOVE SUNBURN.
+
+Wash thoroughly with milk of almonds, which can be obtained at the drug
+store.
+
+
+TO WHITEN THE FINGER NAILS.
+
+Take two drams of dilute sulphuric acid, one dram of the tincture of
+myrrh, four ounces of spring water, and mix in a bottle. After washing
+the hands, dip the fingers in a little of the mixture. Rings with stones
+or pearls in them should be removed before using this mixture.
+
+
+TO REMOVE TAN.
+
+Tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water.
+Beat it to a thick mass, spread it on the face, and let it remain a
+minute or two. Then wash off with castile soapsuds and rinse with soft
+water.
+
+
+TO CURE WARTS.
+
+Take a piece of raw beef steeped in vinegar for twenty-four hours, tie
+it on the part affected. Apply each night for two weeks.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR IN-GROWING TOE-NAILS.
+
+The best remedy for in-growing toe-nails is to cut a notch about the
+shape of a V in the end of the nail, about one-quarter the width of the
+nail from the in-growing side. Cut down as nearly to the quick as
+possible, and one-third the length of the nail. The pressure of the boot
+or shoe will tend to close the opening you have made in the nail, and
+this soon affords relief. Allow the in-growing portion of the nail to
+grow without cutting it, until it gets beyond the flesh.
+
+
+TO REMOVE WRINKLES.
+
+Melt one ounce of white wax, add two ounces of juice of lily-bulbs, two
+ounces of honey, two drams of rose-water, and a drop or two of ottar of
+roses. Use it twice a day.
+
+Put powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently hot to melt the
+gum gently, and when it liquefies, cover over your head with a napkin,
+and hold your face over the fumes at a distance that will cause you no
+inconvenience. If it produces headache, discontinue its use.
+
+In washing, use warm instead of cold water.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR CHAPPED HANDS.
+
+After washing with soap, rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them
+thoroughly, by applying Indian meal or rice flour.
+
+Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and white
+brandy half a pint.
+
+Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine, and apply
+freely at night.
+
+
+TO CURE CHILBLAINS.
+
+Two tablespoonfuls of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it
+as thick as lard. Rub the chilblains with the mixture and dry it in,
+then wrap up in linen.
+
+Bathe the chilblains in strong alum water, as hot as it can be borne.
+
+When indications of the chilblains first present themselves, take
+vinegar three ounces and camphorated spirits of wine one ounce; mix and
+rub on the parts affected.
+
+Bathe the feet in warm water, in which two or three handsful of common
+salt have been dissolved.
+
+Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt.
+
+
+HAIR RESTORATIVE.
+
+The oil of mace one-half ounce, mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol,
+is a powerful stimulant for the hair. To apply it, pour a spoonful or
+two into a saucer, dip a stiff brush into it and brush the hair and head
+smartly.
+
+On bald heads, if hair will start at all, it may be stimulated by
+friction with a piece of flannel till the skin becomes red. Repeat this
+process three times a day, until the hair begins to grow, when the
+tincture may be applied but once a day, till the growth is well
+established. The head should be bathed in cold water every morning, and
+briskly brushed to bring the blood to the surface.
+
+
+WASH FOR THE TEETH.
+
+Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water. Before the
+water is quite cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor. Bottle
+the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the mixture, added to half a pint
+of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution used
+daily, beautifies and preserves the teeth.
+
+
+FOE WHITENING THE HANDS.
+
+A wine-glass of cologne and one of lemon-juice strained clear. Scrape
+two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder and mix well in a mould.
+When hard, it is fit for use, and will be found excellent for whitening
+the hands.
+
+Wear during the night, large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or
+oatmeal, and tied closely at the wrist. Persons who have a great deal of
+house-work to do, may keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or
+oatmeal mittens.
+
+
+TO REDUCE THE FLESH.
+
+A strong decoction of sassafras, drank frequently, will reduce the flesh
+as rapidly as any remedy known. A strong infusion is made at the rate of
+an ounce of sassafras to a quart of water. Boil it half an hour very
+slowly, and let it stand till cold, heating again if desired. Keep it
+from the air.
+
+
+SMOOTH AND SOFT HANDS.
+
+A few drops of glycerine thoroughly rubbed over the hands, after washing
+them, will keep them smooth and soft.
+
+
+TO MAKE TINCTURE OF ROSES.
+
+Take the leaves of the common rose and place, without pressing them, in
+a glass bottle, then pour some spirits of wine on them, close the bottle
+and let it stand till required for use. Its perfume is nearly equal to
+that of ottar of roses.
+
+
+SOFT CORNS.
+
+A weak solution of carbolic acid will heal soft corns between the toes.
+
+
+BURNED EYEBROWS.
+
+Five grains sulphate of quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol, will,
+if applied, cause eyebrows to grow when burned off by the fire.
+
+
+TO RESTORE GRAY HAIR.
+
+A recipe for restoring gray hair to its natural color, said to be very
+effective when the hair is changing color, is as follows: One pint of
+water, one ounce tincture of acetate of iron, half an ounce of
+glycerine, and five grains sulphuret potassium. Mix and let the bottle
+stand open until the smell of the potassium has disappeared, then add a
+few drops of ottar of roses. Rub a little into the hair daily, and it
+will restore its color and benefit the health.
+
+Bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt, is said to restore
+gray hair in some cases. Make the solution two heaping tablespoonfuls of
+salt to a quart of boiling water, and let it stand until cold before
+using.
+
+A solution made of a tablespoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of
+water is also recommended, wash the head thoroughly with the solution
+and brush the hair while wet.
+
+
+TO TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILKS.
+
+Make a solution of two ounces of essence of lemon, and one ounce oil of
+turpentine. Rub the silk gently with linen cloth, dipped in the
+solution.
+
+To remove acid stains from silk, apply spirits of ammonia with a soft
+rag.
+
+
+TO TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN.
+
+Dip the spotted part of the linen in clean, pure melted tallow, before
+being washed.
+
+
+TO REMOVE DISCOLORATION BY BRUISING.
+
+Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water, and renew
+frequently until the pain ceases.
+
+
+TO CLEAN KID GLOVES.
+
+Make a solution of one quart of distilled benzine with one-fourth of an
+ounce of carbonate of ammonia, one-fourth of an ounce of fluid
+chloroform, one-fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether. Pour a small
+quantity into a saucer, put on the gloves, and wash, as if washing the
+hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Rub them clean
+and as dry as possible with a clean dry cloth, and take them off and
+hang them where there is a good current of air to dry. This solution is
+also excellent for cleaning ribbons, silks, etc., and is perfectly
+harmless to the most delicate tints. Do not get near the fire when
+using, as the benzine is very inflammable.
+
+Washing the gloves in turpentine, the same as above, is also a good
+means of cleaning them.
+
+
+PERSPIRATION.
+
+To remove the unpleasant odor produced by perspiration, put two
+tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit of ammonia in a basin of water,
+and use it for bathing. It leaves the skin clear, sweet and fresh as one
+could wish. It is perfectly harmless, very cheap, and is recommended on
+the authority of an experienced physician.
+
+
+TO REMOVE FLESH WORMS.
+
+Flesh worms, or little black specks, which appear on the nose, may be
+removed by washing in warm water, drying with a towel, and applying a
+wash of cologne and liquor of potash, made of three ounces of the
+former to one ounce of the latter.
+
+
+CHAPPED LIPS.
+
+Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, spermaceti half an ounce;
+melt in a glass vessel, stirring with a wooden spoon, and pour into a
+china or glass cup.
+
+
+RECIPES FOR THE CARE OF THE TEETH.
+
+A remedy for unsound gums, is a gargle made of one ounce of coarsely
+powdered Peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks.
+Put a teaspoonful of this into a tablespoonful of water, and gargle the
+mouth twice a day.
+
+The ashes of stale bread, thoroughly burned, is said to make a good
+dentifrice.
+
+The teeth should be carefully brushed after every meal, as a means of
+preserving a sweet breath. In addition, a small piece of licorice may be
+dissolved in the mouth, which corrects the effects of indigestion.
+Licorice has no smell, but simply corrects ill-flavored odor.
+
+A good way to clean teeth is to dip the brush in water, rub it over
+white castile soap, then dip it in prepared chalk, and brush the teeth
+briskly.
+
+To beautify the teeth, dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of
+boiling water, and before it is cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of
+camphor; bottle for use. Use a teaspoonful of this with an equal
+quantity of warm water.
+
+
+TO MAKE COLD CREAM.
+
+Five ounces oil of sweet almonds, three ounces spermaceti, half an ounce
+of white wax, and three to five drops ottar of roses. Melt together in a
+shallow dish over hot water. Strain through a piece of muslin when
+melted, and as it begins to cool, beat it with a silver spoon until cold
+and snowy white. For the hair use seven ounces of oil of almonds instead
+of five.
+
+
+REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH.
+
+Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt, pulverize it and mix it
+well. Wash the teeth in the morning and rub them well with the powder.
+
+
+TO CLEANSE THE TEETH AND GUMS.
+
+Take an ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tablespoonfuls of honey, and
+a little green sage in very fine powder; mix them well together, and wet
+the teeth and gums with a little, twice a day.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV.
+
+Sports, Games, Amusements.
+
+
+There is a great variety of games, sports and amusements for both
+out-door and in-door entertainment, in which both sexes mingle for
+pleasure, and brief mention is here made of some of these.
+
+
+ARCHERY.
+
+The interest that has been recently awakened in this country in archery,
+is worthy of mention. As a graceful, healthful and innocent sport, it
+has no equal among any of the games that have been introduced, where
+both sexes participate. Our young and middle aged ladies too often
+neglect out-door physical exertion, which is essential to acquiring
+strength of limbs and muscle, and a gracefulness of carriage which is
+dependent thereon. It is a mistaken idea that with youth all indulgence
+in physical recreation should cease. On the contrary, such exercises as
+are most conducive to health, and are attended with pleasure, might
+with propriety be kept up by young women as well as by young men, as a
+means of retaining strength and elasticity of the muscles; and, instead
+of weak, trembling frames and broken down constitutions, in the prime of
+life, a bright, vigorous old age would be the reward. The pursuit of
+archery is recommended to both young and old, male and female, as having
+advantages far superior to any of the out-door games and exercises, as a
+graceful and invigorating pastime, developing in ladies a strong
+constitution, perfection of sight at long range, and above all,
+imparting to the figure a graceful appearance and perfect action of the
+limbs and chest. Let the women of this country devote some of their
+spare hours to this pleasant, health-giving sport, and their reward will
+be bright, ruddy faces, elasticity of movement, and strong and vigorous
+constitutions.
+
+
+IMPLEMENTS FOR ARCHERY.
+
+For the purposes of archery, the implements required are the bow,
+arrows, targets, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm-guard or brace, a
+shooting glove or finger tip, and a scoring card.
+
+The bow is from five to six feet long, made of lancewood or locust.
+Spanish yew is considered the choicest, next comes the Italian, then the
+English yew; lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are used more
+than any other. In choosing a bow, get the best you can afford, it will
+prove the cheapest in the end. Men should use bows six feet long,
+pulling from forty to sixty pounds, and ladies bows of five feet or
+five feet six inches in length, and pulling from twenty-five to forty
+pounds. The arrows are generally of uniform thickness throughout, and
+are made of pine; the finest grades being made of white deal, with sharp
+points of iron or brass. They are from 25 to 30 inches in length. The
+quiver belt is worn round the waist, and contains the arrows which are
+being used. The arm is protected from the blow of the string by the
+"arm-guard," a broad guard of strong leather buckled on the left wrist
+by two straps. A shooting-glove is worn on the right hand to protect the
+fingers from soreness in drawing the string of the bow.
+
+The target consists of a circular, thick mat of straw, from two to four
+feet in diameter, covered with canvas, painted in a series of circles.
+The inner circle is a gold color, then comes red, white, black, and the
+outer circle white. The score for a gold hit is nine; the red 7, the
+inner white 5; the black 3, and the outer white 1.
+
+The use of the bow and arrows, the proper manner of holding them, and
+directions for shooting are to be found in pamphlets of instruction,
+which often accompany the implements.
+
+
+ARCHERY CLUBS AND PRACTICE.
+
+In many cities and villages throughout the country, clubs have been
+formed, and regular days for practice and prize shooting are appointed.
+Each member of the the club is expected to furnish his or her own
+implements, and to attend all the practice meetings and prize
+shootings. The clubs are about equally divided as to ladies and
+gentlemen, as both sexes participate equally in the sport. The officers
+are such as are usually chosen in all organizations, with the addition
+of a Lady Paramount, a scorer, and a Field Marshal. The lady paramount
+is the highest office of honor in the club. She is expected to act as an
+umpire or judge in all matters of dispute that may come up in the club,
+and her decisions must be regarded as final. She is also expected to do
+all in her power to further the interests of the organization. A field
+marshal has been appointed by some clubs, and his duties are to place
+the targets, measure the shooting distances, and have general
+supervision of the field on practice days. The scorer keeps a score of
+each individual member of the club.
+
+In meeting for practice, it is customary to have one target for every
+six, eight or ten persons, the latter number being sufficient for any
+one target. The targets are placed at any distance required, from thirty
+to one hundred yards; ladies being allowed an advantage of about
+one-fourth the distance in shooting. To beginners, a distance of from
+twenty-five to forty yards for gentlemen, and twenty to thirty for
+ladies, is sufficient, and this distance may be increased as practice is
+acquired. An equal number of ladies and gentlemen usually occupy one
+target, and each shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon,
+usually from three to six, a score being kept as the target is hit.
+After each person has shot the allotted number of arrows, it is
+regarded as an "end," and a certain number of ends, as agreed upon,
+constitute a "round." For prize shooting, the National Archery
+Association has established three rounds, known as the "York Round," the
+"American Round," and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies). The "York
+Round" consists of 72 arrows at 100 yards, 48 at 80 yards, and 24 at 60
+yards. The "American Round" consists of 30 arrows, each at 60, 50 and 40
+yards respectively, and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies), 24 arrows,
+each at 50, 40 and 30 yards respectively. A captain is appointed for
+each target, who designates a target scorer, and the gentleman who makes
+the largest score, is appointed captain of the target at the succeeding
+meeting. The target scorer, at the close of the round, hands the score
+to the official scorer, who announces the result at the next meeting of
+the club. Some clubs have adopted the plan of having every alternate
+meeting for prize shooting, awarding some small token to the lady and
+gentleman who makes the highest scores.
+
+Ladies' costume for archery may be more brilliant than for an ordinary
+walking dress, and are usually trimmed with green and gold color, and in
+many cases a green jacket is worn. The costumes are short enough for
+convenience in movement, and made so as to give free and easy movement
+of the arms.
+
+
+LAWN-TENNIS.
+
+Amongst all games, none, perhaps can so justly lay claim to the honor of
+antiquity as tennis. The ancient Greeks played it, the Romans knew it
+as _pila_, and ever since those days, with little intermission, the game
+has been played in many European countries. After a long season of rest,
+the game has now re-appeared in all the freshness of renewed youth.
+There are many points to be said to commend tennis. Both ladies and
+gentlemen can join in the game, and often the palm will be borne off by
+the "weaker, yet fairer" sex. The exercise required to enjoy the game is
+not in any way of an exhausting character, and affords ladies a training
+in graceful and charming movements. Lawn-tennis may be played either in
+summer or winter, and in cold weather, if the ground be dry, is a very
+agreeable out-door recreation. At a croquet or garden party it is
+certainly a desideratum.
+
+The requisites for playing lawn-tennis, are a lawn or level surface
+about 45 by 100 feet, as the "court" upon which the playing is done is
+27 by 78 feet. A net four or five feet in height and 27 feet long,
+divides the court. A ball made of india rubber and covered with cloth,
+and a "racket" for each player are the implements needed for playing.
+The racket is used for handling the ball, and is about two feet in
+length, with net work at the outer end, by means of which the ball is
+tossed from one place to another. Rules for playing the game are
+obtained with the implements needed, which can be procured from dealers
+in such lines of goods.
+
+
+CROQUET.
+
+The game of croquet is played by opposite parties, of one or more on a
+side, each player being provided with a mallet and her own ball which
+are distinguished by their color.
+
+The players in their turn place their ball a mallet's length from the
+starting stake, and strike it with the mallet, the object being to pass
+it through the first one or two hoops. The turning or upper stake must
+be struck with the ball before the player can pass her ball through the
+returning hoops, and on returning to the starting point the ball must
+hit the starting stake before the player is the winner. The one who
+passes through all the hoops and gets her ball to the starting stake
+first is the winner. We do not give the rules of the game as each
+croquet set is accompanied by a complete set of rules.
+
+Where four are playing, two of whom are gentlemen, one lady and
+gentleman usually play as partners. As it is the height of ill-manners
+to display any rudeness, no lady or gentleman will be so far forgetful
+as to become angry should the opposing parties be found "cheating."
+
+Invitations to a croquet party may be of the same form as invitations to
+any other party.
+
+
+BOATING.
+
+Where there is a sufficiently large body or stream of water to admit of
+it, boating is a very enjoyable recreation, which may be pursued by both
+ladies and gentlemen. There is much danger in sailing, and the proper
+management of a sail-boat requires considerable tact and experience.
+Rowing is safer, but caution should be observed in not over-loading the
+boat. A gentleman should not invite ladies to ride on the water unless
+he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat. Rowing is a healthful and
+delightful recreation, and many ladies become expert and skillful at it.
+Every gentleman should have some knowledge of rowing, as it is easily
+acquired. If a gentleman who is inexperienced in rowing, goes out with
+other gentlemen in a boat, he should refrain from any attempt to row, as
+he will only display his awkwardness, and render the ride uncomfortable
+to his companions.
+
+In rowing with a friend, it is polite to offer him the "stroke" oar,
+which is the post of honor.
+
+When two gentlemen take a party of ladies out for a row, one stands in
+the boat to steady it and offer assistance to the ladies in getting
+seated, and the other aids from the wharf.
+
+A lady's dress for rowing should be one which will give perfect freedom
+to her arm; a short skirt, stout boots, and hat with sufficient brim to
+protect her face from the sun.
+
+
+PICNICS.
+
+While ladies and gentlemen never forget their good manners, and are
+always polite and courteous, yet at picnics they are privileged to relax
+many of the forms and ceremonies required by strict etiquette. Here men
+and women mingle for a day of pleasure in the woods or fields, or on
+the water, and it is the part of all who attend to do what they can for
+their own and their neighbor's enjoyment. Hence, formal introductions
+and other ceremonies need not stand in the way of enjoyment either by
+ladies or gentlemen, and at the same time no act of rudeness should
+occur to mar the pleasure of the occasion. It is the duty of gentlemen
+to do all they can to make the occasion enjoyable and even mirthful.
+They should also look to providing the means of conveyance to and from
+the spot selected for the festivities, make such arrangements as are
+necessary in the way of providing music, games, boats, and whatever else
+is needed to enhance the pleasure of the day. The ladies provide the
+luncheon or dinner, which is spread upon the grass or eaten out of their
+baskets, and at which the restraints of the table are withdrawn. At
+picnics, gentlemen become the servants as well as the escorts and guides
+of the ladies, and perform such services for ladies in the way of
+procuring flowers, carrying baskets, climbing trees, baiting their
+fish-hooks, and many other things as are requested of them.
+
+
+PRIVATE THEATRICALS.
+
+Private theatricals may be made very pleasing and instructive
+entertainments for fall or winter evenings, among either young or
+married people. They include charades, proverbs, tableaux, dramatic
+readings, and the presentation of a short dramatical piece, and may
+successfully be given in the parlor or drawing room. The hostess seeks
+the aid of friends in the preparation of her arrangements, and if a
+drama has been determined upon, she assigns the various parts to each.
+Her friends should aid her in her efforts by giving her all the
+assistance they can, and by willingly and good-naturedly complying with
+any request she may make, accepting the parts allotted to them, even if
+they are obscure or distasteful. They should endeavor to perform their
+part in any dramatical piece, tableau or charade as well as possible,
+and the success they achieve will determine how conspicuous a part they
+may be called upon to perform at a subsequent time. The hostess should
+consult each performer before alloting a part, and endeavor to suit each
+one. The host or hostess should not have any conspicuous part assigned
+them, unless it is urged by all the other performers. Those who are to
+participate, should not only learn their parts, but endeavor to imbue
+themselves with the spirit of the character they personate, so as to
+afford pleasure to all who are invited to witness its performance. When
+persons have consented to participate in any such entertainment, only
+sickness or some very grave cause should prevent them from undertaking
+their part. Supper or refreshments usually follow private theatricals,
+of which both the performers and invited guests are invited to partake,
+and the remainder of the evening is spent in social intercourse.
+
+
+ETIQUETTE OF CARD PLAYING.
+
+Never urge any one who seems to be unwilling to play a game of cards.
+They may have conscientious scruples in the matter, which must be
+respected.
+
+If you have no scruples of conscience, it is not courteous to refuse,
+when a game cannot be made up without you.
+
+You may refuse to play if you do not understand the game thoroughly. If,
+however, you are urged to try, and your partner and opponents offer to
+instruct you, you may accede to their requests, for in so doing, you
+will acquire a better knowledge of the game.
+
+Married and elderly people take precedence over young and unmarried
+people, in a game of cards.
+
+It is the privilege of the host and hostess to suggest cards as a means
+of amusement for the guests. The latter should never call for them.
+
+"Whist" is a game of cards so-called, because it requires silence and
+close attention. Therefore in playing this game, you must give your
+whole attention to the cards, and secure at least comparative silence.
+Do not suggest or keep up any conversation during a game, which will
+distract your own mind or the mind of others from the game.
+
+Never hurry any one who is playing. In endeavoring to play their best,
+they should take their own time, without interruption.
+
+Betting at cards is vulgar, partakes of the nature of gambling, and
+should at all times be avoided.
+
+Never finger the cards while they are being dealt, nor take up any of
+them until all are dealt out, when you may take your own cards and
+proceed to play.
+
+In large assemblies it is best to furnish the cards and tables, and
+allow guests to play or not, at their option, the host and hostess
+giving their assistance in seeking for people disposed to play, and in
+making up a game. In giving card parties, new cards should be provided
+on every occasion.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV.
+
+The Language of Flowers.
+
+
+How beautiful and yet how cheap are flowers! Not exotics, but what are
+called common flowers. A rose, for instance, is among the most beautiful
+of the smiles of nature. The "laughing flowers," exclaims the poet. But
+there is more than gayety in blooming flowers, though it takes a wise
+man to see the beauty, the love, and the adaptation of which they are
+full.
+
+What should we think of one who had _invented_ flowers, supposing that,
+before him, flowers were unknown? Would he not be regarded as the
+opener-up of a paradise of new delight? Should we not hail the inventor
+as a genius, as a god? And yet these lovely offsprings of the earth have
+been speaking to man from the first dawn of his existence until now,
+telling him of the goodness and wisdom of the Creative Power, which bid
+the earth bring forth, not only that which was useful as food, but also
+flowers, the bright consummate flowers to clothe it in beauty and joy!
+
+ [Illustration:              FLOWERS.
+          "The meanest flower that blows, can give
+           Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears."]
+
+Bring one of the commonest field-flowers into a room, place it on a
+table, or chimney-piece, and you seem to have brought a ray of sunshine
+into the place. There is a cheerfulness about flowers. What a delight
+are they to the drooping invalid! They are a sweet enjoyment, coming as
+messengers from the country, and seeming to say, "Come and see the place
+where we grow, and let your heart be glad in our presence."
+
+There is a sentiment attached to flowers, and this sentiment has been
+expressed in language by giving names to various flowers, shrubs and
+plants. These names constitute a language, which may be made the medium
+of pleasant and amusing interchange of thought between men and women. A
+bouquet of flowers and leaves may be selected and arranged so as to
+express much depth of feeling--to be truly a poem. We present herewith a
+list of many flowers and plants, to which, by universal consent, a
+sentiment has become attached.
+
+          Acacia--Concealed love.
+          Acacia, Rose--Friendship.
+          Acanthus--Arts.
+          Adonis Vernalis--Bitter memories.
+          Agnus Casus--Coldness.
+          Agrimony--Thankfulness.
+          Almond--Hope.
+          Aloe--Superstition.
+          Althea--Consumed by love.
+          Alyssum, Sweet--Worth beyond beauty.
+          Amaranth--Immortality.
+          Amaryllis--Splendid beauty.
+          Ambrosia--Love returned.
+          Anemone--Expectation.
+          Anemone, Garden--Forsaken.
+          Angelica--Inspiration.
+          Apocynum (Dogbane)--Inspiration.
+          Apple--Temptation.
+          Apple Blossom--Preference.
+          Arbor vitae--Unchanging friendship.
+          Arbutus, Trailing--Welcome.
+          Arum--Ardor.
+          Ash--Grandeur.
+          Ash, Mountain--Prudence.
+          Aspen Tree--Lamentation.
+          Asphodel--Regrets beyond the grave.
+          Aurilica--Avarice.
+          Azalea--Romance.
+          Bachelor's Button--Hope in love.
+          Balm--Sympathy.
+          Balm of Gilead--Healing.
+          Balsam--Impatience.
+          Barberry--Sharpness, satire.
+          Basil--Hatred.
+          Bay Leaf--No change till death.
+          Beech--Prosperity.
+          Bee Ophrys--Error.
+          Bee Orchis--Industry.
+          Bell Flower--Gratitude.
+          Belvidere, Wild (Licorice)--I declare against you.
+          Bilberry--Treachery.
+          Birch Tree--Meekness.
+          Black Bryony--Be my support.
+          Bladder-Nut Tree--Frivolous amusements.
+          Blue Bottle--Delicacy.
+          Borage--Bluntness.
+          Box--Constancy.
+          Briers--Envy.
+          Broken Straw--Constancy.
+          Broom--Neatness.
+          Buckbean--Calm repose.
+          Bugloss--Falsehood.
+          Burdock--Importunity.
+          Buttercup--Riches.
+          Cactus--Thou leavest me.
+          Calla Lilly--Feminine beauty.
+          Calycanthus--Benevolence.
+          Camelia--Pity.
+          Camomile--Energy in action.
+          Candytuft--Indifference.
+          Canterbury Bell--Gratitude.
+          Cape Jasmine Gardenia--Transport, ecstasy.
+          Cardinal Flower--Distinction.
+          Carnation, Yellow--Disdain.
+          Catchfly (Silene), Red--Youthful love.
+          Catchfly, White--I fall a victim.
+          Cedar--I live for thee.
+          Cedar of Lebanon--Incorruptible.
+          Celandine--Future joy.
+          Cherry Tree--Good education.
+          Chickweed--I cling to thee.
+          Chickory--Frugality.
+          China Aster--I will think of thee.
+          China, Pink--Aversion.
+          Chrysanthemum, Rose--In love.
+          Chrysanthemum, White--Truth.
+          Chrysanthemum, Yellow--Slighted love.
+          Cinquefoil--Beloved child.
+          Clematis--Artifice.
+          Clover, Red--Industry.
+          Coboea--Gossip.
+          Coxcomb--Foppery.
+          Colchium--My best days fled.
+          Coltsfoot--Justice shall be done you.
+          Columbine--Folly.
+          Columbine, Purple--Resolved to win.
+          Columbine, Red--Anxious.
+          Convolvulus Major--Dead hope.
+          Convolvulus Minor--Uncertainty.
+          Corchorus--Impatience of happiness.
+          Coreopsis--Love at first sight.
+          Coriander--Hidden merit.
+          Corn--Riches.
+          Cornelian Cherry Tree--Durability.
+          Coronilla--Success to you.
+          Cowslip--Pensiveness.
+          Cowslip, American--My divinity.
+          Crocus--Cheerfulness.
+          Crown Imperial--Majesty.
+          Currants--You please me.
+          Cypress--Mourning.
+          Cypress and Marigold--Despair.
+          Daffodil--Chivalry.
+          Dahlia--Forever thine.
+          Daisy, Garden--I share your feelings.
+          Daisy, Michaelmas--Farewell.
+          Daisy, Red--Beauty unknown to possessor.
+          Daisy, White--Innocence.
+          Daisy, Wild--I will think of it.
+          Dandelion--Coquetry.
+          Daphne Mezereon--I desire to please.
+          Daphne Odora--I would not have you otherwise.
+          Deadleaves--Sadness.
+          Diosma--Usefulness.
+          Dittany--Birth.
+          Dock--Patience.
+          Dodder--Meanness.
+          Dogwood Flowering (Cornus)--Am I indifferent to you?
+          Ebony--Hypocrisy.
+          Eglantine--I wound to heal.
+          Elder--Compassion.
+          Elm--Dignity.
+          Endine--Frugality.
+          Epigaea, Repens (Mayflower)--Budding beauty.
+          Eupatorium--Delay.
+          Evening Primrose--Inconstancy.
+          Evergreen--Poverty.
+          Everlasting (Graphalium)--Never ceasing memory.
+          Filbert--Reconciliation.
+          Fir Tree--Elevation.
+          Flax--I feel your kindness.
+          Flora's Bell--Without pretension.
+          Flowering Reed--Confide in heaven.
+          Forget-me-not--True love.
+          Foxglove--Insincerity.
+          Fraxinella--Fire.
+          Fritilaria (Guinea-hen Flower)--Persecution.
+          Furze--Anger.
+          Fuchsia--The ambition of my love thus plagues itself.
+          Fuchsia, Scarlet--Taste.
+          Gardenia--Transport; Ecstasy.
+          Gentian, Fringed--Intrinsic worth.
+          Geranium, Apple--Present preference.
+          Geranium, Ivy--Your hand for next dance.
+          Geranium, Nutmeg--I expect a meeting.
+          Geranium, Oak--Lady, deign to smile.
+          Geranium, Rose--Preference.
+          Geranium, Silver-leaf--Recall.
+          Gillyflower--Lasting beauty.
+          Gladiolus--Ready armed.
+          Golden Rod--Encouragement.
+          Gooseberry--Anticipation.
+          Goosefoot--Goodness.
+          Gorse--Endearing affection.
+          Grape--Charity.
+          Grass--Utility.
+          Guelder Rose (Snowball)--Winter.
+          Harebell--Grief.
+          Hawthorn--Hope.
+          Heart's Ease--Think of me.
+          Heart's Ease, Purple--You occupy my thoughts.
+          Hazel--Reconciliation.
+          Heath--Solitude.
+          Helenium--Tears.
+          Heliotrope, Peruvian--I love; devotion.
+          Hellebore--Scandal.
+          Henbane--Blemish.
+          Hepatica--Confidence.
+          Hibiscus--Delicate Beauty.
+          Holly--Foresight.
+          Hollyhock--Fruitfulness.
+          Hollyhock, White--Female ambition.
+          Honesty (Lunaria)--Sincerity.
+          Honeysuckle--The bond of love.
+          Honeysuckle, Coral--The color of my fate.
+          Honeysuckle, Monthly--I will not answer hastily.
+          Hop--Injustice.
+          Hornbeam--Ornament.
+          Horse-Chestnut--Luxury.
+          House-Leek--Domestic Economy.
+          Houstonia--Content.
+          Hoya (Wax Plant)--Sculpture.
+          Hyacinth--Jealousy.
+          Hyacinth, Blue--Constancy.
+          Hyacinth, Purple--Sorrow.
+          Hydrangea--Heartlessness.
+          Ice Plant--Your looks freeze me.
+          Indian Cress--Resignation.
+          Ipomaca--I attach myself to you.
+          Iris--Message.
+          Iris, German--Flame.
+          Ivy--Friendship; matrimony.
+          Jessamine, Cape--Transient joy.
+          Jessamine, White--Amiability.
+          Jessamine, Yellow--Grace; elegance.
+          Jonquil--Return my affection.
+          Judas-Tree--Betrayed.
+          Juniper--Perfect Loveliness.
+          Kalmia (Mountain Laurel)--Treachery.
+          Kennedia--Intellectual beauty.
+          Laburnum--Pensive Beauty.
+          Lady's Slipper--Capricious beauty.
+          Lagerstroema (Cape Myrtle)--Eloquence.
+          Lantana--Rigor.
+          Larch--Boldness.
+          Larkspur--Fickleness.
+          Laurel--Glory.
+          Laurestinus--I die if neglected.
+          Lavender--Distrust.
+          Lemon Blossom--Discretion.
+          Lettuce--Cold-hearted.
+          Lilac--First emotion of love.
+          Lilac, White--Youth.
+          Lily--Purity; modesty.
+          Lily of the Valley--Return of happiness.
+          Lily, Day--Coquetry.
+          Lily, Water--Eloquence.
+          Lily, Yellow--Falsehood.
+          Linden Tree--Conjugal love.
+          Live Oak--Liberty.
+          Liverwort--Confidence.
+          Locust--Affection beyond the grave.
+          London Pride--Frivolity.
+          Lotus--Forgetful of the past.
+          Love in a Mist--You puzzle me.
+          Love Lies Bleeding--Hopeless, not heartless.
+          Lucerne--Life.
+          Lungwort (Pulmonaria)--Thou art my life.
+          Lupine--Imagination.
+          Lychnis--Religious Enthusiasm.
+          Lythrum--Pretension.
+          Madder--Calumny.
+          Maiden's Hair--Discretion.
+          Magnolia, Chinese--Love of Nature.
+          Magnolia, Grandiflora--Peerless and Proud.
+          Magnolia, Swamp--Perseverance.
+          Mallow--Sweetness.
+          Mandrake--Horror.
+          Maple--Reserve.
+          Marigold--Cruelty.
+          Marigold, African--Vulgar-minded.
+          Marigold, French--Jealousy.
+          Marjoram--Blushes.
+          Marshmallow--Beneficence.
+          Marvel of Peru (Four o'clock)--Timidity.
+          Meadow Saffron--My best days gone.
+          Meadow Sweet--Usefulness.
+          Mignonette--Your qualities surpass your charms.
+          Mimosa--Sensitiveness.
+          Mint--Virtue.
+          Mistletoe--I surmount all difficulties.
+          Mock Orange (Syringia)--Counterfeit.
+          Monkshood--A deadly foe is near.
+          Moonwort--Forgetfulness.
+          Morning Glory--Coquetry.
+          Moss--Maternal love.
+          Motherwort--Secret Love.
+          Mourning Bride (Scabious)--Unfortunate attachment.
+          Mouse-ear Chickweed--Simplicity.
+          Mulberry, Black--I will not survive you.
+          Mulberry, White--Wisdom.
+          Mullein--Good nature.
+          Mushroom--Suspicion.
+          Mush Plant--Weakness.
+          Mustard Seed--Indifference.
+          Myosotis--Forget me not.
+          Myrtle--Love.
+          Narcissus--Egotism.
+          Nasturtium--Patriotism.
+          Nettle--Cruelty; Slander.
+          Night Blooming Cereus--Transient beauty.
+          Nightshade--Bitter truth.
+          Oak--Hospitality.
+          Oats--Music.
+          Oleander--Beware.
+          Orange--Generosity.
+          Orange Flower--Chastity.
+          Orchis--Beauty.
+          Osier--Frankness.
+          Osmunda--Dreams.
+          Pansy--Think of me.
+          Parsley--Entertainment.
+          Pasque Flower--Unpretentious.
+          Passion Flower--Religious Fervor.
+          Pea--Appointed meeting.
+          Pea, Everlasting--Wilt go with me?
+          Pea, Sweet--Departure.
+          Peach Blossom--My heart is thine.
+          Pear Tree--Affection.
+          Peony--Anger.
+          Pennyroyal--Flee away.
+          Periwinkle--Sweet memories.
+          Persimmon--Bury me amid nature's beauties.
+          Petunica--Am not proud.
+          Pheasant's Eye--Sorrowful memories.
+          Phlox--Our souls united.
+          Pimpernel--Change.
+          Pine--Time.
+          Pine Apple--You are perfect.
+          Pine, Spruce--Farewell.
+          Pink--Pure affection.
+          Pink, Clove--Dignity.
+          Pink, Double-red--Pure, ardent love.
+          Pink, Indian--Aversion.
+          Pink, Mountain--You are aspiring.
+          Pink, Variegated--Refusal.
+          Pink, White--You are fair.
+          Pink, Yellow--Disdain.
+          Plane Tree--Genius.
+          Pleurisy Root (Asclopias)--Heartache cure.
+          Plum Tree--Keep promise.
+          Plum Tree, Wild--Independence.
+          Polyanthus--Confidence.
+          Poplar, Black--Courage.
+          Poplar, White--Time.
+          Poppy--Consolation.
+          Poppy, White--Sleep of the heart.
+          Pomegranate--Foolishness.
+          Pomegranate Flower--Elegance.
+          Potato--Beneficence.
+          Pride of China (Melia)--Dissension.
+          Primrose--Early youth.
+          Primrose, Evening--Inconstancy.
+          Privet--Mildness.
+          Pumpkin--Coarseness.
+          Quince--Temptation.
+          Ragged-robin (Lychnis)--Wit.
+          Ranunculus--Radiant with charms.
+          Reeds--Music.
+          Rhododendron--Agitation.
+          Rose--Beauty.
+          Rose, Austrian--Thou art all that is lovely.
+          Rose, Bridal--Happy love.
+          Rose, Burgundy--Unconscious beauty.
+          Rose, Cabbage--Love's Ambassador.
+          Rose, Campion--Only deserve my love.
+          Rose, Carolina--Love is dangerous.
+          Rose, China--Grace.
+          Rose, Daily--That smile I would aspire to.
+          Rose, Damask--Freshness.
+          Rose, Dog--Pleasure and pain.
+          Rose, Hundred Leaf--Pride.
+          Rose, Inermis--Ingratitude.
+          Rose, Maiden's Blush--If you do love me you will find me out.
+          Rose, Moss--Superior merit.
+          Rosebud, Moss--Confessed love.
+          Rose, Multiflora--Grace.
+          Rose, Musk-cluster--Charming.
+          Rose, Sweetbriar--Sympathy.
+          Rose, Tea--Always lovely.
+          Rose, Unique--Call me not beautiful.
+          Rose, White--I am worthy of you.
+          Rose, White (withered)--Transient impression.
+          Rose, Wild--Simplicity.
+          Rose, Yellow--Decrease of love.
+          Rose, York and Lancaster--War.
+          Roses, Garland of--Reward of Virtue.
+          Rosebud--Young girl.
+          Rosebud, White--The heart that knows not love.
+          Rosemary--Your presence revives me.
+          Rue--Disdain.
+          Rush--Docility.
+          Saffron--Excess is dangerous.
+          Sage--Esteem.
+          Sardonia--Irony.
+          Satin-flower (Lunaria)--Sincerity.
+          Scabious, Mourning Bride--Widowhood.
+          Sensitive Plant--Timidity.
+          Service Tree--Prudence.
+          Snapdragon--Presumption.
+          Snowball--Thoughts of heaven.
+          Snowdrop--Consolation.
+          Sorrel--Wit ill-timed.
+          Southernwood--Jesting.
+          Spearmint--Warm feelings.
+          Speedwell, Veronica--Female fidelity.
+          Spindle-tree--Your image is engraven on my heart.
+          Star of Bethlehem--Reconciliation.
+          Starwort, American--Welcome to a stranger.
+          St. John's Wort (Hypericum)--Superstition.
+          Stock, Ten-week--Promptitude.
+          Stramonium, Common--Disguise.
+          Strawberry--Perfect excellence.
+          Strawberry Tree (Arbutus)--Esteemed love.
+          Sumac--Splendor.
+          Sunflower, Dwarf--Your devout admirer.
+          Sunflower, Fall--Pride.
+          Sweet Sultan--Felicity.
+          Sweet William--Artifice.
+          Sycamore--Curiosity.
+          Syringia--Memory.
+          Tansy--I declare against you.
+          Teasel--Misanthropy.
+          Thistle--Austerity.
+          Thorn Apple--Deceitful charms.
+          Thorn, Black--Difficulty.
+          Thorns--Severity.
+          Thrift--Sympathy.
+          Throatwood (Pulmonaria)--Neglected beauty.
+          Thyme--Activity.
+          Tiger Flower--May pride befriend thee.
+          Touch me not, Balsam--Impatience.
+          Truffle--Surprise.
+          Trumpet Flower--Separation.
+          Tuberose--Dangerous pleasures.
+          Tulip--Declaration of love.
+          Tulip Tree--Rural happiness.
+          Tulip, Variegated--Beautiful eyes.
+          Tulip, Yellow--Hopeless love.
+          Turnip--Charity.
+          Valerian--Accommodating disposition.
+          Venus's Flytrap--Caught at last.
+          Venus's Looking-glass--Flattery.
+          Verbena--Sensibility.
+          Vine--Intoxicating.
+          Violet, Blue--Love.
+          Violet, White--Modesty.
+          Violet, Yellow--Modest worth.
+          Virgin's Bower--Filial love.
+          Wall Flower--Fidelity.
+          Walnut--Stratagem.
+          Weeping Willow--Forsaken.
+          Wheat--Prosperity.
+          Woodbine--Fraternal love.
+          Wood Sorrel--Joy.
+          Wormwood--Absence.
+          Yarrow--Cure for heartache.
+          Yew--Sorrow.
+          Zennae--Absent friends.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+Precious Stones.
+
+
+Some of the precious stones and gems have been given a distinct
+significance by imparting a special meaning or name to them. The
+ancients besides considered certain months sacred to the different
+stones, and some people have considered this in making birthday or
+wedding presents. Below will be found the stones regarded as sacred to
+the various months, with the meaning given to each.
+
+          January--Garnet--Constancy and Fidelity.
+          February--Amethyst--Sincerity.
+          March--Bloodstone--Courage.
+          April--Sapphire--Repentance.
+          May--Emerald--Success in love.
+          June--Agate--Health and long life.
+          July--Ruby--Forgetfulness of, and exemption from vexations
+                caused by friendship and love.
+          August--Sardonyx--Conjugal Fidelity.
+          September--Chrysolite--Freedom from evil passions and sadness
+                of mind.
+          October--Opal--Hope and Faith.
+          November--Topaz--Fidelity and Friendship.
+          December--Turquoise--Prosperity.
+
+Of the precious stones not included in the above list, the language is
+given below:
+
+          Diamond--Innocence.
+          Pearl--Purity.
+          Cornelian--Contented mind.
+          Moonstone--Protects from danger.
+          Heliotrope--Causing the owner to walk invisible.
+
+ [Illustration]
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+   Punctuation normalized except where hyphenation could not be determined.
+
+   Page 10, "LTETER" changed to "LETTER".
+
+   Page 38, "circumstrances" changed to "circumstances". (but
+   circumstances may)
+
+   Page 52, "M." changed to "P.M." (12 P.M.)
+
+   Page 88, "abominally" changed to "abominably". (abominably stupid)
+
+   Page 132, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (conventional time allotted)
+
+   Page 142, "remaned" changed to "remained". (obliged to remain)
+
+   Page 167, "defferential" changed to "deferential". (show a deferential)
+
+   Page 251, "acquantance" changed to "acquaintance". (upon an
+   acquaintance)
+
+   Page 261, "trivialties" changed to "trivialities". (trivialities than
+   the family)
+
+   Page 267, "wish" changed to "wishes". (wishes, but should)
+
+   Page 286, "anniversay" changed to "anniversary". (The first anniversary)
+
+   Page 287, "anniversay" chanted to "anniversary". (the fifth anniversary)
+
+   Page 293, "somtimes" changed to "sometimes". (two, and sometimes)
+
+   Page 315, "charater" changed to "character". (man's real character)
+
+   Page 325, "comonly" changed to "commonly". (dress is what is commonly)
+
+   Page 335, "boquet" changed to "bouquet". (wreath and bouquet.)
+
+   Page 368, "paring" changed to "paring". (paring the toe-nails)
+
+   Page 374, "halt" changed to "half". (half an ounce)
+
+   Page 376, "ounce" changed to "ounces". (mix two ounces)
+
+   Page 379, "on" changed to "an". (moss one-fourth of an ounce)
+
+   Page 412, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (the allotted number)
+
+   Page 413, "Frugalit ." changed to "Frugality." (Chickory--Frugality.)
+
+   Page 417, "Valey" changed to "Valley". (Lily of the Valley)
+
+
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #17609 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/17609)
author	Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>	2025-10-15 04:51:31 -0700
committer	Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>	2025-10-15 04:51:31 -0700
commit	a4ddea1a81cfa92b78d9b005f7c74b51d02940c3 (patch)
tree	2bb14db42e833d8ac65479dc0b06631bf0851f19