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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life + Discovering the Various and Subtle Intrigues of Lewd Women + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: May 23, 2005 [EBook #15883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LONDON-BAWD: WITH HER *** + + + + +Produced by David Starner, Keith Edkins and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h1>London-Bawd:</h1> + +<h3>WITH HER</h3> + +<h1>CHARACTER</h1> + +<h3>AND</h3> + +<h1>LIFE:</h1> + +<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;">Discovering the</p> + +<h3>Various and Subtle</h3> + +<h1>Intrigues</h1> + +<h3>OF</h3> + +<h2>Lewd Women</h2> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>The Third Edition.</h3> + +<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;">LONDON, Printed for <i>John Gwillim</i> near <i>Sun +Yard</i>, in <i>Bishopsgate-Steet</i>, 1705. Price 3 <i>s</i></p> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>THE</h3> + +<h2>London-Bawd.</h2> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. I.</h3> + +<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;"><i>Her Character: Or what she is.</i></p> + +<h2>A BAWD</h2> + + <p>Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does + like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures + Errata's, and a true Daughter of <i>Eve</i>, who having first undone + herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one + of <i>Sampson's Foxes</i>, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as + has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out + of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher + to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her + old Customers. And so careful she is to help Men to good Ware, that she + seldom puts a Comodity into their hands, but what has been try'd before; + and having always prov'd well, thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. + She's a great Preserver of Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to + every new Comer, she takes care that they shall never be lost: And tho' + never so many get it, yet none carries it away, but she still has it + ready for the next Customers. She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar + <i>Bacon</i>'s brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that <i>Time + Was</i> when the best Gentlemen wou'd have prefer'd her before any Lady + in the Land: But when She repeats <i>Time's Past</i>, She makes a Wicked + Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. + She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it + common. She hates <i>Forty One</i> as much as an old Cavalier, for at + that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are + all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so much concern'd, + that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and make up the + difference. She's the most like a <i>Medlar</i> of any thing, for she's + never <i>ripe</i> till she's <i>rotten</i>. She is never without store of + <i>Hackney Jades</i>, which she will let <i>any one Ride</i>, that will + <i>pay for their hire</i>. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for + whatever she sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, + <i>That they that cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none</i>. She has + Learnt so much Philosophy as to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which + makes her like it much better then the Sun, being more Suitable for her + Business: Besides she's still <i>changing Quarters</i>, now Waxing and + then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th' Full, and flush'd with store of + Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane, and beating Hemp in + <i>Bridewel</i>. She has been formerly a Pretender to Musick, which makes + her such a great Practitioner in <i>Pick-Song</i>, but She is most expert + at a <i>Horn-Pipe</i>. She understands <i>Means</i> a little, but + <i>Trebles</i> very well, and is her self a perfect <i>Base</i>. Tho' she + lives after the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is + such a cunning Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or + by Crook. She has Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch + some: Of a <i>Countrey-Gentleman</i> she makes a <i>Cods-head</i>; and of + <i>a rich Citizens Son</i> a <i>Gudgeon</i>; <i>a Swordsman in + Scarlet</i>, she takes for <i>Lobster</i>; and a severe <i>Justice of + Peace</i>, she looks on as a <i>Crab</i>: Her <i>Poor Customers</i>, are + like <i>Sprats</i>, and <i>Pilchards</i>, who are more considerable for + their number than they are for their Value; whilst the <i>Punk</i> is her + <i>Salt Eel</i>, and the <i>Pander</i> her <i>Shark</i> and her + <i>Swordfish</i>. Her Charity is very great, for she Entertains all + Comers, and not only finds 'em <i>Beds</i>, but <i>Bed-fellows</i> too, + of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which is a Conveniency + a man may go to twenty <i>Honest-Houses</i> and not Meet with. She brings + more <i>Wicked Wretches</i> to Repentance than many a good + <i>Preacher</i>; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll + leave them such a <i>Twinging Remembrance</i> in their <i>Joynts</i>, + that their very <i>Bones</i> shall ake, but she'll make them repent that + e'er they had to do with her. And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix + such a visible <i>Mark</i> in their <i>Faces</i>, as shall make 'em the + Derision and the Loathing of all People; and so bring 'em to Repentance + <i>with a Pox to 'em</i>. Yet she has very little <i>Conscience</i>, for + she makes nothing of Selling <i>One Commodity</i> to <i>Twenty + Customers</i>: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear + loosing their Custom. She's often <i>broke</i>, and as often <i>sets up + again</i>; which She does without any great charge; for three strong + Water-Bottles, Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, + is as much as will set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a + Bear-garden, her Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a + Looking Glass: and a Pimp to bring in Customers. She sits continually at + a Rack Rent, especially if her Landlord bears office in the Parish, + because he may screen her from the Cart and <i>Bridewel</i>. She hath + only this one shew of Temperance, that let any Gentleman send for Ten + Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but Ten Quarts; and if he + want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out in Stew'd flesh. She + has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can easily turn a + Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of Infection + that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The Justices + Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the Justice + of <i>Quorum</i>; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help + him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures + him she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts + her so much as the Approach of <i>Shrove-Tuesday</i>; for she's more + afraid of the Mob, than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns + of Court. He that hath past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he + that escapes her, has Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon + to their Destruction.</p> + + <p>Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her + own proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore + thus conclude her Character.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>A Bawd<i> is the chief instrument of evil,</i></p> + <p>Tempter<i> to </i>Sin<i>, and </i>Factor<i> for the </i>Devil</p> + <p><i>Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls</i></p> + <p><i>Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles.</i></p> + <p><i>She ruines </i>Families<i> to advance her </i>Treasure<i>,</i></p> + <p><i>And reaps her </i>Profit<i> out of others </i>Pleasure<i>:</i></p> + <p><i>Pleasures attended with so black a stain,</i></p> + <p><i>That they at last end in </i>Eternal Pain<i>.</i></p> + <p><i>Her ways so various are, they're hard to tell,</i></p> + <p><i>By which she does betray poor Souls to Hell.</i></p> + <p><i>Smooth is her </i>Tongue<i>, and Subtile are her ways</i></p> + <p><i>And by </i>false Pleasures<i> to </i>True Pain<i> betrays.</i></p> + <p><i>The </i>Bane of Virtue<i>, and the </i>Bawd<i> to </i>Vice<i>,</i></p> + <p>Pander<i> to </i>Hell<i>, is this </i>She-Cockatrice<i>.</i></p> + <p><i>She's like the </i>Devil<i>, seeking every hour</i></p> + <p><i>Whom she may first </i>Decoy<i>, and then </i>Devour<i>:</i></p> + <p><i>Let every thinking Mortal then beware,</i></p> + <p><i>And, that he comes not near her House, take care:</i></p> + <p><i>For She'll Betray (her fury is so fell)</i></p> + <p><i>Your </i>Body<i> to the </i>Pox<i>, your </i>Soul<i> to </i>Hell<i>.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. II.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a + Whore, a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about + Preheminence.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other + Instruments of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be + the Person that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are + other Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called + Pimps and Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of + Whores for other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly + employ'd abroad, both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches + as are willing to be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so + far degenerated below humanity that they will sometimes procure their own + Wives to be Whore for other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since + two Men went into a House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; + but as soon as the Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature + to 'em, who quickly let 'em understand what she was, and also in what + sort of House they were got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began + to grow very familiar with her; and found he might have any Kindness from + her which he had a mind to, for asking; but the other seeing him ingross + the wench to himself, began to Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange + rate; upon which the man of the House came up presently, and desir'd to + know what was the matter? Why you Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but + one Whore in the House, that you make me thus stand empty-handed, like a + Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's trading with the other? The Pimp + seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll + go down and sent up my own Wife to wait upon ye: Which he did + accordingly.—Those that are called Pandars, are in a strict sense + such as keep always within doors, and have the management of matters in + the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores together, + and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.</p> + + <p>These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were + in a hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what + their several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and + afterwards shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her + Pantables, as being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her + Cause.</p> + + <p><i>Whore.</i> That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can + without Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in + all your Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my + Soul too; and all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. <i>Pimp</i>, for + all your sneering, I say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but + pay for what I have, and make use of nothing but what's my own, and that + no body can hinder me from. And I think 'tis better for me, and less + hazardous, to get my living by my Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from + other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer nobody to have to do with me, but What + I like; nor lie with any but whom I love; I make no Price with any Man; + but take what they freely give; and therefore I can't properly be said to + be a Whore, for Whores are they that trade for Hire and make Bargains + before-hand, which I never do. And therefore seeing I maintain you all, + you ought to acknowledge me to be the cheif, and give me the + Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that runs in my Veins; for + did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please 'em, you cou'dn't + all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as poor as so many + Church-Mice.</p> + + <p>To this the Pimp thus replyed.</p> + + <p><i>Pimp.</i> Your run too fast, Mrs <i>Minx</i>, and are a little too + Confident: For tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit + and Reputation to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so + spruce, and so all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and + looking big, that I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as + if I were a Person of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by + my complemental and genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many + a Guest into the House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may + well affirm I am the Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman + into your Company, I wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and + be forc'd to make use of a <i>Dildo</i>, before any Body would come to + you if it wan't for me.</p> + + <p>This Speech of the <i>Pimp</i>, stirr'd up the Fury of the + <i>Pander</i>, who with a great deal of heat made him this Answer.</p> + + <p><i>Pander.</i> Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm + an Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll + quickly try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the + Gentlemens Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of + all? Sure then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with + such Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to + 'em; and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, + for giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis + only to make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st + one Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure + the Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by + the Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to + Preheminence.</p> + + <p>Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard + all their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; + and after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this + Answer.</p> + + <p><i>Bawd.</i> I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about + Preheminence: They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are + but all my Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of + their great gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their + gains and their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray + Gentlemen, whose House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be + mine, and I am sure I bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had + nothing to do here; whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, + if I had not took you into my Service. And you, Mrs. <i>Minx</i> because + you're a little handsome, you begin to grow Proud and don't consider that + if I had'nt prefer'd you to the Station you are in, you must have been a + Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought + you those fine Cloths, put you into the Equipage you are in? Alas you + were but a meer Novice in sinning till I put you into the way, and taught + you. You have forgot how bashful you were at first, and how much ado I + had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you by the <i>Tu quoque</i>. And + now I have brought you to something, that you can get your own living, + you begin to slite me.—And you Mr. <i>Pimp.</i> wa'n't you a + pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have + regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a + good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant + ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I + do. Nay, there's your Brother <i>Pander</i> too, is e'en as bad, and + can't tell when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his + Place, he fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by + his advice: But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. + I think I shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you + all. I was brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in + Love my self; but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that + Affection for the Trade, that I entertain'd others to carry it on; + bringing 'em up to my hand with much care; and therefore surely I must + needs have more experience in it than another: and if you won't + acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress of you all, I'll make + you.</p> + + <p>The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other + Boasts, there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in + being a Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to + put her in Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.</p> + + <p><i>Prodigal.</i> I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the + Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but + my self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You + know the old Prover, <i>Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land</i>; + and I am sure 'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold + mine. And therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you + all do, if I didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your + House, you may go Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and + pay the Fees of both the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er + your layings out are, your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you + have neither House nor Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that + you depend; and I am he that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all + this cost, it is just that it should be acknowledged, and that you all + should own me for your Master. Your own Interest speaks for me, and + therefore I need say the less.</p> + + <p>The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for + them to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And + therefore each of them should keep their several Stations; and + acknowledge the Bawd for their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for + their Benefactor.</p> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. III.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old </i>Bawd<i>, Enjoy'd her + Lover and Deceiv'd her Husband.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>Having already given you the Character of a <i>Bawd</i>, and shown you + her Plea for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew + you by what famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you + have seen her cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you + must readily acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be + Superlatively Wicked.</p> + + <p>In the West of <i>England</i> there lived not long since an Ancient + Gentleman to whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him + with a fair Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that + might make his Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an + Old Batchelor, had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than + Ability to perform. For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she + must be a Young one too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young + Inclinations, and fancies himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as + when he was but Thirty: You may easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd + not be long without several Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth + has so many Charms in it, that it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and + makes them mistake their true Interest, with respect to the Disposal of + their Children; which consists not so much in being married to Rich + Husbands, as to those that are suitable for them. The Beautiful young + Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was offer'd to this Old Letcher, who + being sensible that he could not expect a handsome young Wife with a + great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who wanted no Accomplishments to + render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband, or at least one more + suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond of the match as her + Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an Encouragement told her that + her old Husband could not live long and when he dy'd, she wou'd have the + Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better Husband; and tho she had + but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion answerable to her Birth and + Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she cou'd not be long without + very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd with the young + Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and they were + married accordingly.</p> + + <p>But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than + Ability; and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead + of that due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; + the want of which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too + late to help.</p> + + <p>There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd + that had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies + in such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young + Lady, rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with + from her Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient + time to make her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she + soon found out the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon + which the Bawd discourses her in this manner:</p> + + <p>Madam</p> + + <p><i>I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which + nothing cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, + to see so much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows + not how to make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and + Gaity, can't meet with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a + Notion of being Married, depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like + being married without a Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can + do nothing. You know Madam, we are commanded to increase and multiply: + But let the Soyl be fruitful as it will, there's no encrease can be + expected where no Seed is sown. This, Madam, makes me bold to tell you, + that you are wanting to your self, and to the end of your Creation, if + you don't find out ways to supply that defect and disability, which + through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under. I am acquainted, + with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the Flower of his + Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and all he has to + serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that compassion for your + Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to bring so good a + work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction which your + Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too impotent to + give you.</i></p> + + <p>The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her + she was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, + which she acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she + durst not make use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it + was Sinful, and Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband + being sensible of his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she + had never given him any Cause, it would render all attempts of that + Nature very difficult to manage; and it would be much better to desist + from attempting it, than to Miscarry in the Attempts.</p> + + <p>The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had + mention'd the Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did + not so much insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of + attempting it; which gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that + she told her, as to the Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, + she could not think it was any; for if she could have had the due + benevolence from her Husband which he ought to give her, she would not + have sought it elsewhere: And therefore if it was at all a Sin, it was a + venial one, which might be easily forgiven: But as to the last, that it + is hazardous and difficult because of your Husbands Jealousie, this is + indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old men that can do nothing + themselves, are the most Jealous least others should supply their Places: + and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie, leave but the management of + that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of <i>Argus</i>, we'll + deceive him.</p> + + <p>The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. + And therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: + Who told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion + for her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by + the door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see + him out of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert + the measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. + This being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for + that Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him + what a prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself + to the best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a + time, when he should see her.</p> + + <p>The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit + nothing that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And + therefore Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could + exceed him, and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: + The Lady on her part observing the time as exactly, in being at the + Window; and all those Amorous Salutations past between them, which the + distance of the Place would admit; both of them wishing with Equal + desire, for an opportunity to quench their mutual Flames.</p> + + <p>But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was + perceived by the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him + perpetually waking: He saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the + frequent Perambulation of the Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as + he passed by at his Ladies Window: This made the old Gentleman to + apprehend there must be something more than ordinary in those reiterated + Walks of the young Gallant; which gave the old Impotent so sensible a + Disquiet, that he resolved to know the Bottom of it. And without taking + the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd, he seem'd more fond and good + humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who on the contrary being now + full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd meet her Flames with + equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a strange + indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie: Who + the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of + Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate + his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take + it ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his + Business wou'd permit him.</p> + + <p>He cou'd not have said any thing to's Wife that wou'd have pleas'd her + better, and 'twas with some uneasiness that she conceal'd her Joy from + being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she + told him she shou'd think each day a year till his return, and then she + kist him with so much seeming Passion, that she was like to have spoil'd + all, and had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts + of his pretended Journey.</p> + + <p>The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, + who was very well pleas'd therewith: and promis'd to give notice to her + <i>Inamorato</i>, who was equally pleas'd with the expectation he had of + his near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to + their hearts desire.</p> + + <p>The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very + Early in the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses + on both sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two + out of Town, to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses + and Servants, and in the Evening return'd privately to his own House.</p> + + <p>The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was + gone out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the + Evening to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, + before the Door, till such a time as he should be call'd in: Which he + promis'd faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly.</p> + + <p>The Lady had made all things ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a + Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous + Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had + been concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected + Gallant walk to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and + finding such a Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to + entertain him; and therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the + meaning of those Preparations, and who that Banquet was design'd for? The + young Lady, surpriz'd and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, + was at a Loss what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as + she could, told him that she was resolv'd to surprize him, as well as he + was to surprize her; for being inform'd that he had chang'd his mind, and + was returning home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that + banquet to surprize him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible + as it seem'd, he was sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her + by the Shoulder, he with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou + Disloyal Strumpet: it is not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy + Turn; I am not to be deceiv'd; I saw that Lustful Leacher walking at the + Door for whom this Banquet was prepar'd; and had I but been Arm'd, I + would have given him another sort of Entertainment than that which you + design'd him; But since your Lust's so hot, I'll see if I can't cure it; + and with that he dragg'd her out of doors, and stripp'd her Naked, and so + led her into a Pond he had within his Yard; and there he ty'd her fast + unto a Post which was plac'd in the midst of it; telling her that by to + morrow-morning he hop'd she wou'd be something cooler; whilst she in vain + protests her Innocency, and intreats him to release her. And having left + her in this cold Condition, Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and + taking all the Keys into his own Possession, he repairs to Bed.</p> + + <p>Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the + Door, and wondring that he wan't admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to + know the reason of it; She was as much concern'd at it as he; but having + had a Key from the young lady, by which she might at any time come in at + the back-Door, desir'd him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to + see what was the matter: And having open'd the back Gate which led into + the Court where the Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in + the same Station as her Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a + low voice, enquired into the cause of her Calamity.</p> + + <p>O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin'd me for ever, your Cursed + Counsel has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and + misery it has already expos'd me; And what the end will be, I know not. + Why, said the Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some + other than he which I design'd to help you to.—No, no, reply'd the + Lady, I had prepar'd for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have + call'd him in, my Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris'd me. And seeing + the Banquet I had made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me + thus barbarously—Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; + you shall be even with him still, and if you'll but be ruled by me, the + Jealous Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your + Spark is at my House waiting for my Return. I'll take your place, and you + shall put my Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of + Loves Enjoyments, and then return again to me.</p> + + <p>The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, + and her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was + feizable, she took the offer'd Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon + stript herself, and releas'd the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, + whilst she went forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her + Gallant, who at first by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well + pleas'd to find himself mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they + made use of their time; and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the + Bawd, by whose contrivance they thus come together; whilst she did + greater Pennance, and under-went more Pain to procure their Pleasure, + then they were then aware of: For the old Gentleman not being Satisfied + in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife, for her making him a Cuckold; + resolved to punish her farther, and so rises out of his Bed, and goes + down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her a thousand Whores and + Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner without a Smock to + your Arse, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose that you might be + a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain'd you as well as any Lady in the + Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you impudent Strumpet? + Tell me, who was it that advis'd you to this wickedness? The Old Bawd to + whom all this was spoken (tho' he thought it had been to his Wife) durst + not reply one word; and resolv'd, whatever he said, she wou'd not answer + him; which so much enrag'd him, that he said, What! Am I not worth an + Answer then? I'll make you an Example to all Whores that abuse their + Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her, and + cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he, take + that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said + that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a + miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having + satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return'd + to the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen'd + since her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb'd than even the + Bawd her self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her + bloody Husband: But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, documents her + thus: 'Tis true, says she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but + since that is now too late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing + could have fallen out more happily for you, if you will follow my + direction; which is, That as soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low + Voice of the Cruelty of your Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste + and Innocent Wife, in so shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, + & defacing your Beauty: And then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above + that are Protectors of Chastity, that they wou'd miraculously restore + your Nose and Beauty again; and soon after, break out into Thanksgivings + for having your Nose restored; and this will pass for a Miracle, and so + Vindicate your Innocency that you will never more be suspected. And I + hope you will make me amends for what I have suffer'd for you. This the + young Lady faithfully promis'd; and so the Bawd went home to provide for + her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty'd as she was at first by her + Husband.</p> + + <p>The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, + fetching a great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful + Lamentation,—<i>O unhappy Woman! unhappy above all Women! Unhappy + in having without cause lost the Love of a Husband in whom I had plac'd + all my Happiness! Unhappy in having my Reputation taken away by him, and + Unhappy in being us'd more barbarously and Ignominiously by him, than if + I were a Common Whore! To have my Nose thus cut off, and my Beauty + defac'd, and all this without Cause; what can be more barbarously Cruel + in him, or render me more miserable! But O ye Heavenly Powers,</i> (added + she in a higher Tone, that her Husband might hear her, which he also did) + <i>if such Powers there be, that are the Protectors of Chastity, and + Vindicators of Innocence, Look down on me, whose Innocence you know, and + hear my Prayers; If I have deviated from the strictest Rules of Vertue + and of Honour, and Violated in the least the marriage Bond that I have + enter'd into; let all your Direful Vengeance fall upon me. But if I have + kept my Chastity inviolate, and never wrong'd my Husbands Bed so much as + in a thought, let my Disfigur'd Face be healed again, and my lost Beauty + and dismembered Nose, which has been taken from me so unjustly, be both + restored again, as a convincing Testimony of my Innocency.</i></p> + + <p>Having ended her Prayer, she stood silent for about half a Quarter of + an Hour; and then, as tho' her Nose had been miraculously reunited to her + Face again, she with a loud Voice broke forth into these Expressions: + <i>O ye Immortal Powers that knew my spotless and Immaculate (tho + Suffering) Chastity, and have so eminently now rewarded it, accept my + Hearty and my Humble Thanks: For by this Miracle that you have wrought + for me, my Husband surely will believe my Innocency; and I am glad I + shall be able at the Expence of so much blood, and so much Pain and + Misery, to let him know how much he has wrong'd me, and how much I love + him: Yes, O ye Powers above, that have so wonderfully clear'd my + Innocency, I do appeal to you how much I love him, notwithstanding all + his Cruelty; for which, O ye Immortal Powers, I humbly invocate your + gracious Pardon, because he did it through an Excess of Rage, to one whom + he Imagin'd had been false.</i>—And then raising her Voice much + higher, she call'd out to her Husband, saying. <i>Come down, my Dearest + Love, and see and be convinc'd how much you've wronged your Chaste and + Loyal Wife.</i></p> + + <p>The old Gentleman, that lay awake in his Bed and had hear'd all this, + knew not what to think of it: He was sure he had cut off her Nose, and + flung it at her Face, but had not faith enough to think it was set on + again; and therefore thought it was some Trick to be releas'd: However, + since she call'd to him to see and be convinc'd, he was resolv'd to know + the Truth of it, and therefore rising up, and lighting of a Candle, he + came down stairs and went straight to his Wife, and looking on her very + earnestly, he sees her Face was whole and sound; at which he was so much + confounded and amaz'd, that he began to fear lest Heaven, that had shew'd + such a miracle in healing her, shou'd pour its Vengeance down upon his + Head, for his detested rashness and his barbarous Cruelty; and therefore + sets her loose immediately, and presently conveying her to Bed, <i>O thou + that art all Goodness and all Innocence</i> (said the transported + Cuckold) <i>can'st thou forgive one that has wronged thee at that rate + that I have done?</i> <i>Yes, my dear Husband</i> (answer'd the cunning + Whore) <i>Since Heaven has heard my Prayer and clear'd my Innocence, I + forgive all the World, but thee especially.</i> And thereupon her Husband + made a solemn Protestation, That he wou'd never more be Jealous of his + Wife, let her do what she would.</p> + + <p>Thus you see how by the Cunning Contrivance of an Old Bawd, a young + Lady was made a Whore, and an old Dotard a young Cuckold. And also how + she can manage all events to the carrying on of her Pernicious Design; + answering the Character the Wise-man gives of her, <i>Her ways are + moveable that thou canst not know 'em</i>.</p> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. IV.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How a Married Man, drawn in by a Bawd, kept a Whore, to the Ruine + of himself and Family.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>We have seen in the last chapter how our Bawd drew in a young Married + Woman to deceive her Husband, and wrong the Marriage-Bed: And in this + Chapter you shall see how she draws in a Married Man to follow Whoring, + so the Ruine of himself, a vertuous Wife, and all his Family: For if she + can but Rise, she cares not who she Ruines.—But to the Story.</p> + + <p>An Impudent Whore, of our Bawds own bringing up, that by removing to + several Quarters, had made a shift to escape <i>Bridewel</i>, which she + merited as much as any that ever came thither, had through the Bawds + assistance, drawn in one Foolish Fellow, by her Rich Robes, fair face, + and fine Words, to maintain her like a Lady; tho' she was but the + Daughter of a sorry Informer: Pride and Pleasure were the two Idols she + ador'd; and to enjoy them, she cared not how she exposed her poor Cully; + who was oblig'd to be liberal to the Bawd for Procuration, as well as to + the Whore for Fornication: Till at last her Pride and Pleasure had + brought him to Pain and Poverty. Neglecting of his Business, and + Maintaining of his Miss, had made him run in Debt, and he began to be so + haunted by Bailiffs and Sergeants, that he was forc'd to fly into the + <i>Low-Countries</i> to secure himself; Chusing rather to trust to his + Heels than his Hands. His Wench was glad she was so rid of him; for being + become Poor, and not able to supply her with Money, she was grown quite a + weary of him; but not of her way of Living; For as soon as he was gone, + she repairs again to the Old Bawd; and acquainted her how matters stood + with her. She has made the most of one, and now she must have another: + <i>Well</i>, says the Bawd, <i>Do but carry your self, reserv'd and + Maidenly, and I have a Spark that has a good Estate, and will be able to + spend high upon you; but he must have a Maid, and that I have taught you + well enough how to Counterfeit:</i>—Is he a married Man or single, + says the Trull?—<i>A married Man</i>, replies the Bawd, <i>but + that's nothing as long as he has Money: It were better indeed, that he + were single, for then I cou'd draw him in to marry you; and he might make + a good Cover; but don't fear but we'll do well enough as 'tis.—Only + besure you carry it shy at first, and that's the way to draw him in, and + make him the more Eager.</i>—Let me alone for that, says the Whore; + do you but bring us together, and then leave it to me to make him bite: I + warrant you I'll manage him, or else say I am the veriest Whore in all + the Town.—Which she might have safely ventur'd to do, without being + Guilty of Lying.</p> + + <p>The Plot being thus laid, Mother Damnable goes out upon the scent, and + finds the Whore-hunter she wanted; and then tells him, that she had been + at great charge and expence to find out a Lass fit for his Purpose, But, + says she, tis such a one, That for Beauty, Birth and Breeding, is hardly + to be matched in <i>London</i>: She is indeed somewhat Coy, but I will + help to Court her for you: I protest I could have had Ten Guineas of Sir + <i>R—— P——</i> if I would have helpt him to her: + But I hate to be worse than my Word; I promised you before, that when I + could light of one fit for your Turn, I would help you to her—Mr. + <i>Graceless</i>, over-joyed at this News, and to shew himself grateful + to the old Bawd, presents her with a Guinea, before he saw his + Miss—Who being hereby incouraged, soon brings them together; and at + first sight he's mightily taken with her. But she seems very Coy, and + wou'd hardly let him salute her; Upon which the Bawd tells her, he's a + very worthy Gentleman, and one that deserves her Love. What Love can I + expect (replies the cunning Jade) from one that has a Wife already? As + soon as he has got what he desires, and taken from me, what's now my only + Boast my Maiden-head, my Honour and his Love will both be lost together: + and then I shall have nothing left me but too late Repentance. This so + effectually wrought upon him, That he made all the Protestations in the + World, Nothing shou'd ever part em, if she'd but condescend to accept of + him for a Gallant: For tho he had a Wife, 'twas one he cou'd not love, + and didn't care for her; whereas he saw those Charms in her, that would + constrain him to be always constant. And that if she would promise to be + as true to him as she shou'd always find him true to her, it wou'd be all + the happiness he'd ask.—And now, to make the Bargain firm, the Bawd + engages for both Parties, that they shall each be true to one another. + And then after a costly and expensive Match they went to Bed together; + where she (instructed by the Bawd) carried her self so cunningly that her + besoted Lover thought her as good a Maid as when she was but just come to + her Teens.—And that they might the better keep company without + discovery, she must pass under the Notion of his Sister, and he of her + Brother.</p> + + <p>And now she wheedles him with so much pretended Love, that she can + have what she will of him: and finding he was flush of Money and had a + good Estate, she won't be satisfied without her Countrey-House, which was + provided for her accordingly, facing the River-side at <i>Hamersmith</i>; + and adorn'd with rich Furniture. And when her Paramour cou'd not come to + her, by reason of Business, she then sent to the Bawd, who provided her a + Stallion to supply his place, which she paid for doing her Drudgery, with + his Money. And yet when he came to see her, she wou'd wipe her mouth as + if nothing had been the matter, and cry, why does my Sweeting stay so + long away? You don't care for me now! I sigh night after night, and day + after day, for want of your Company, but you've a Wife that you love + better than you do me; and indeed I told you so at first, and then you + told me you'd love me best, and I was so simple as to believe you: But if + you had lov'd me best, you wou'd'nt have staid away from me so long, that + you wou'd'nt; I am sure if I could have come to you, I woud'nt have staid + from you so long. And then she falls a weeping; which so much moves the + amorous Cocks-comb, that he falls a kissing her, and giving her all the + good Words that can be; cursing his Wife, and calling her all to nought; + and telling his Miss that he loves none but her. Having thus brought him + to her Bow, she kisses him again, and then says, Well, Honey, if you do + love me indeed, I'll be Friends with you, but let me see what you have + brought me? Then if he have brought her store of Yellow Boys, she's very + well pleas'd with him; but if his Money happen to be short, then she'll + be out of humour; 'Tis a sign how you love me, indeed, to stay away so + long and then bring me nothing! Here's all the Ladies round about can + have new things, but I; and you don't care how I go! Then to put her in a + good humour, be promises her a new Satin Gown; but this won't serve her + turn neither, she wants jewels and Diamond Rings to answer her other + Apparel: And to procure these, he's fain to run on the Score both with + the Mercer and Goldsmith—By this means in a little time his Estate + comes to be wasted, and his Friends come about him, and advise him to + leave off these wicked Courses, which else will end in the Ruine both of + Soul and Body: They tell him that he has a fair and vertous Wife of his + own, by whom he has had several pretty Children, and therefore wonder how + he can be so besotted with a filthy Whore. But when all this prevail'd + not, his Wife seeing a wicked Strumpet without cause prefer'd before her, + taking a fit opportunity, acquainted her Husband with her grief, and his + own dangerous Estate, in this manner:</p> + + <p>My dear Husband!</p> + + <p><i>Had I ever given you any just occasion to withdraw your affections + from me, you might have had a fairer Plea before Men, for doing what you + do; tho' even that wou'd have been no Excuse at the Tribunal of God, whom + you principally offend by your present wicked Life. But your own + Conscience will tell you, if you dare ask it the Question, that it has + been the Business of my whole Life, since I have been married to you, to + carry my self towards you as a loving and a vertuous Wife ought to do to + her Husband; and have done all that lay in my Power to contribute to your + Satisfaction. I have never made your House uneasie to you, by any + unbecoming Words or Carriage; nor what occasion so ever you have given + me, have I been either Clamorous, or a Brawler. 'Tis true my Heart is + almost broke with Grief; and who can blame me? When I see your affection + so Estranged from me, your Estate wasted, and my self and Children ready + to go a Begging, whilst an impudent Quean is at your Cost maintain'd in + her Silks and Sattins; and which is worse than all the rest, your own + Soul, in danger of Eternal Ruine. And if this Affects you not, remember + your own Reputation in the World: You have lived in Credit and Repute + among your Neighbours: and will you Sacrifice that, and Entail Shame and + Dishonour upon your Self and Family, for gratifying the Lusts of a filthy + and Lascivious Strumpet? If you go on in this Course, you must Morgage + your Lands to pay your Debts; and what a shame will that be? Your Father + left you an Estate, but you are like to leave an Heir that will have + nothing to inherit; and so will be an Heir only in Name. Think, O my + Husband, what a Reflection it will be upon you, when Men shall say, Your + Father left you an Estate to live upon, but you have spent it upon + Whores, and left your Children Beggars. This was your Fathers House, but + you have sold it to maintain your Miss. Consider the Reproach that this + will bring upon your Children: You brought 'em up like Gentlemen, and + then betray'd 'em to Want and Beggery. Have you forgot the Vow you made + when we were Married? You promis'd then to take none but my self: Yet now + you let a Harlot take away your Love from me, that am your faithful and + your loving Wife; and might have been by you Esteem'd so still, if this + Lewd Woman had not made strife between us: You promis'd at your Marriage + that none but Death should seperate us. And as my self has never broke + that promise, so you have never had from me any occasion given you to do + it: And I am ready still to embrace you in my Arms, with all the + tenderest Affections of a loving Wife. O let me beg of you, that you + wou'd hearken to my sorrowful Complaint, pity my Tears, and suffer not + your Family to perish, but bear a Fathers Heart towards these, that are + the Children of your Body. Or if you'll pity neither me nor your poor + Children, pity your self: for you will suffer most in the Conclusion: You + cannot think that you please God in living as you do: Can you take + Comfort (think you) in remembering that you have ruin'd both your self + and Family, by keeping of a Whore, when you shall lie upon your Dying + Bed, and your poor Soul is just taking of its flight into Eternity? How + will that Sentence terifie your Conscience, </i>Whoremongers and + Adulterers God will judge<i>? Then you will wish (but wishing then, my + Dear, will be in vain) that you had never given ear to that Enchanting + Syren, that for a few false Joys and momentary Pleasures, betray'd your + Soul to Everlasting Misery. But if you will be Deaf to my complaints, and + not regard the Ruine of your Children, nor pity your own Soul: Tho I am + sure my Grief will bring me to my Grave. I shall be Satisfied in this, + that I have done what ever lay within my Power to save you from the Ruin + and Destruction to which I see you hastening.</i> And when she had said + this, she seconded her Words with Tears, and fell a weeping till she + cou'd weep no more.</p> + + <p>Yet all this would not molifie her unrelenting Husband, nor work any + change upon him; for he regarded neither what she said, nor the sorrowful + moans and complaints of her almost Famished Infants: For all she gets for + her affectionate Counsel and Advice, is to be sometimes rail'd at, and at + other times jeer'd and flouted.</p> + + <p>Soon after he goes to his Drab again, and to her he repeats what his + Wife had said to him: which so far had rais'd her Choler, that she gives + it vent in such Language as this:</p> + + <p>What has she fed upon nothing but Crabbs of late, that she is grown so + sowr! She now begins to prate it seems! 'Tis time to bring her down: A + stinking dirty Slut, to rail at me! And you to stand by, like a Fool, and + let her! I am afraid she's too full fed; that makes her be so malapert; + but had but I the ordering of her, I vow to gad I'd quickly make her + pinch for't. She shou'd be glad to get a piece of Bread: And that it + self's too good for her, I wonder how she had the Impudence to prate to + you: But she knows well enough she has a Tender-hearted Fool to deal + withal; she must advise ye! Marry gap indeed! Tis more then time she did! + I see she wants to be the Head! Or else she'd never Tutor you about your + heir! 'Tis very fine advice methinks she gives you! She'd have you want + your self to hoard for him! But sure you will be more Wise. E'en put him + to a Trade; and let him Work. He is big enough, and then pack out the + rest. I'd make the Jade fret in her grease for something: Pray how comes + she to know what passes between you and I? She has Money enough it seems + to hire her private Spies to find our meeting out: She serves you right + enough: Well, be a Fool, and let her rail on still; And shew thy self a + poor kind-hearted Ass! I'll warrant ye, you fell upon your knees, and + begg'd her Pardon, because you kept my Company; and Promis'd that you'd + never do so no more! This 'tis to have to do with one that has a Wife! I + told you first of all what I shou'd find: An ugly Jade, to call me filthy + Strumpet! Had I been by, I'd soon have made her smart for't! Any but such + a Hen-peck'd Fool as you, that had but heard her say so, wou'd straight + have given her such a dash o'th' Chops as shou'd have beat her Teeth into + her Throat, and quickly spoil'd her Prating. But I am plagu'd with one + that dares not speak a Word to vindicate me. If you are a weary of me, + tell me so; for I can quickly mend me self, if you'll but say the Word: + And if you will prefer your wrinkled Wife before my Youth and Beauty, + with all my heart, for I'm resolv'd I'll never lead this Life! To be + abus'd by an old Withered Hag! I have no patience when I think of it: A + dirty homely <i>Joan</i>! For my part, I admire how thou coud'st love + her: She frets, I'll warrant you, because she lies alone: But who that is + not Mad, wou'd lie with such a sapless piece of wither'd Flesh as she, + when he may lie by such a one as I, that's sweet, and fresh, plump, brisk + and airy, and that's full of Juice, just in the Bloom of all my Youth and + Beauty. But if to this thou still prefer'st thy Dowd; take her for me, + and much-good-do-thee with her.</p> + + <p>By this Discourse, this Impudent and filthy Trull, quite sham'd him + out of any thoughts of Vertue; and therefore that he might the better + please her, he replies,</p> + + <p>My dear, Thou canst not sure think me so mad as to regard her foolish + Idle prate, or to leave thee for twenty such as she is. No, never think I + have so little Wit, I gave her such a Reprimand as soon as she had spoke, + that cool'd her Courage in an instant: for I let her know her + Tittle-Tattle would be all in vain; and that I was resolv'd I would be + absolute. Shall I be ty'd by such a one as she? No, Love, I scorn it. And + for her Tongue, let me alone to tame it: <i>Winter</i> is coming on and + then I'll make her keep her breath to warm her hands; for she shall have + from me no other firing. Let her rail on, and see what she can get by't; + whilst thee and I delight our selves in Pleasures; I'll be no Slave to + that which I possess: Come, thou art mine, and shalt have what thou wilt; + my Love to thee is more then to my Heir: shall I live sparing for a Brood + of Bratts, that for my Means wish me in my Grave! No, I know better + things: I will my self enjoy it while I live, for when I'm gone, the + World is gone with me: Thou hast my heart, my Dear, and I'll not leave + thee; tho' she shou'd Chat until her Tongue be weary. I'll find another + way to make her quiet; or she shall have but very small Allowance: She + tells me, Grief will kill her very shortly: I wish it wou'd, I shou'dn't + grutch the Charges of giving her a Coffin and a Grave.</p> + + <p>I (<i>says the Coaxing Jilt</i>) I like you now. Do as you say, and + then I'll warrant you, you'll quickly make the Flirt submit her self: And + win my heart for ever.</p> + + <p>Thus they continu'd Revelling and Spending, whilst his poor Wife went + with a hungry Belly, and her small Children almost wanted Bread; which + with the grief she took to see her Husband unreclaimable cast her into a + fit of Sickness; which in a few days brought her to her Grave, to the + great Grief of her poor Children and her Neighbours, who all Lamented + her: But to the great Joy of her Scotish Husband and the Graceless Quean + that he maintain'd, who now thought all their own, and that they might + Sin on without Controul. But tho his Vertuous Wife wanted an + <i>Elegy</i>, she shall not want an <i>Epitaph</i>:</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i8"><b>Her Epitaph.</b></p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Here lies the poor Remains of a good Wife,</i></p> + <p><i>Who through an unkind Husband lost her life:</i></p> + <p><i>Tho' she was vertuous, yet he kept her poor;</i></p> + <p><i>And spent his Substance on a filthy Whore.</i></p> + <p><i>Whilst she in vain of him implor'd Relief,</i></p> + <p><i>She sunk beneath a weighty Load of Grief:</i></p> + <p><i>Which Death perceiving, prov'd her kindest Friend,</i></p> + <p><i>And lent his Aid to bring her to her End:</i></p> + <p><i>Which if her Husband does not now lament,</i></p> + <p><i>He shall (when 'tis too late) at last Repent.</i></p> + <p><i>And tho' he revels now without controul,</i></p> + <p><i>Yet she shall Sing, when 'tis his turn to howl.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p>This Good-Woman's Death, was very welcome to her unkind Husband, who + had now no Body to controul him in his wicked Courses; but the Bawd the + Whore and himself had a merry Meeting the next day after she was buried; + and being well flushed with Wine, the Jilt thus began to Triumph:</p> + + <p><i>Whore.</i> Well now, my Dear, we shall be all at ease; and I am rid + of them that hated me: For my Part I am resolv'd to mourn in Sack; for + now I need not fear her Spies that us'd to be still harkening at the + Door; that I cou'd hardly let a Fart, but it was carryed to her straight + by one or other. Now she can hear us talk no more unless her Ghost walks, + and I'll venture that; Come, Drink to me, my Dear, I'll pledge it, tho + 'twere o'er her Grave: My Chuck! Thou'rt the best Friend I have: For all + her spite, I always found thee constant: And what I had was still at thy + command, and Day nor Night I ne'er refus'd thee all the Pleasures I could + give thee. And I am sure study'd to delight thee all I cou'd, and so did + never thy black <i>Joan</i>, thou knowst.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Now thou art mine, come take a Thousand Kisses,</i></p> + <p><i>There's none that now can keep us from our Blisses,</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p><i>Prodigal.</i> My Love, thou know'st I have been always true to + thee, and so will ever be; and I'll say that for thee, thou never + deny'dst me yet to kiss and feel, when I'd a Mind to't. And I am glad to + find thee art so witty: But thou art nothing but Charms; methinks I see + the Lilly and the Rose (as heretofore they did 'twixt <i>York</i> and + <i>Lancaster</i>) are once again contending in thy Cheeks; and thy Eyes + sparkle like two Diamonds; Come, let me now embrace thee in my Arms; nay + never fear, here's none that will disturb us—for she that us'd to + make us both so cautious is now laid low enough, & will disturb us + here no more, I hope.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Then come, my Dear, let Pleasure now delight us:</i></p> + <p><i>Th' old Hag is gone, & will no more affright-us.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p><i>Bawd.</i> Why now it is as't shou'd be: Such a brisk Wench as this + is, makes young Blood boyl within your Veins again. Then what shou'd + hinder you from the enjoying of each other. For my part, tho' I'm past + it, I love the Sport still, and take pleasure in seeing others do it: And + therefore while you take a Touch together, I'll drink your Healths in + good Canary here. I am glad to see that you are both so brisk, and meet + each other with such equal Flames; it does me good methinks to see the + Trade go forward: Nay, I be'nt so much past it neither, but I could serve + a man upon occasion, and take a Touch or two as well as one that's + younger; for I know what belongs to't pretty well.—Well Master, I + am sure you have found what I Promis'd you, when I first brought you two + together: I must likewise own that I have tasted of your Bounty: And + therefore cannot but rejoyce that you are thus deliver'd from that Old + Witch that kept you from enjoying of your Pleasures with that delight and + freedom as you may do now.</p> + + <p>Thus did these wicked Wretches Triumph over the Ashes of a vertuous + Woman; and made a Cully of the Poor Prodigal her Husband: From whom they + now commanded what they pleas'd: And for a time went on so; for as long + as he could find 'em Money, all was well; but when he had Morgag'd his + Estate twice over, and had spent all his Money, that he could help 'em to + no more, the case was so far alter'd that he was then refus'd to be + admited into their Company. For tho before he was her Chuck and Dear, and + she wou'd never forsake him; yet when his Money was all gone, she took + new Lodgings at the other End of the Town, where he cou'd never find her. + And when he went to see the Bawd, that she might tell him where she was, + she had forsaken her old Quarters to, and he no more knew where to find + her then he did his Trull. His Children were took care of by his Wife's + Relations, or else they must have gone a begging. Whilst he being + threatned with a Goal for Mortgaging his Lands twice over, was fain to + Skulk about, and to play least in sight: Thus he that but a while ago + profusely spent his Money on a Whore, was now reduc'd to that condition + that he wanted Bread: Whilst both the Bawd and Whore which he had wasted + all upon, forsook him without so much as minding what became of him; but + left him poor and penniless, to seek his Bread where he could get it. And + thus deserted by the Whore, and hated by all honest People, and haunted + by a guilty self-accusing Conscience, he became a Burthen to himself: + Cursing the Day in which he harkned to the Bawd's Insinuations, by whose + means he was thus drawn in, to ruine both himself and all his Family: And + being almost starv'd for want of Sustenance, o'er-come with Grief and + black Despair, he dy'd.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i8"><b>His Epitaph.</b></p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Here lies a Man who would not Warning take,</i></p> + <p><i>And now for others may a Warning make:</i></p> + <p><i>He spent his Substance upon </i>Bawds<i> and </i>Whores<i>,</i></p> + <p><i>Destroy'd his Wife, turn'd's Children out of Doors.</i></p> + <p><i>And yet when all was spent, and he grown Poor,</i></p> + <p><i>He was forsaken both by </i>Bawd<i> and </i>Whore<i>.</i></p> + <p><i>Let all henceforth of </i>Bawds<i> and </i>Whores<i> beware,</i></p> + <p><i>By whom he was betray'd to black Despair.</i></p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus Reader, by this Story thou may'st see</i></p> + <p><i>How by Lewd Women Men deluded be:</i></p> + <p><i>The </i>Bawd's<i> the Setter, and the Shameless </i>Whore</p> + <p><i>Sucks him so dry, she quickly makes him Poor.</i></p> + <p><i>First of his Wit, then of his Wealth bereaves him;</i></p> + <p><i>And when she has got all she can, she leaves him.</i></p> + <p><i>Then let all Mankind loath this filthy Jade,</i></p> + <p><i>Since Ruin and Destruction is her Trade.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. V.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How an </i>Irish-Footman<i> was drawn into a Bawdy-House and what + followed.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>It happen'd not long since that a <i>Dear Joy</i> for his Dexterity in + running, was entertain'd into the Service of an English-Gentleman, who + had put him into a good new Livery; and his Master having occasion to + send him for a pair of Shooes he had bespoke, gave him five Shillings to + pay for them; which a Bawd happening to see, and over-hear, thought + presently she might bring in <i>Teague</i> for a Customer; and therefore + as soon as he had parted with his Master, she catches hold of him, as he + came by her door & told him that a Countrey-man of his was within, + and had a great Mind to drink one Pot of Ale with him; <i>A Country Mons + of mine</i>, says the Shamrogshire Nimble Heels! <i>Now Pox tauk you but + me tank you for your Loof, and be me Shoul, so mush baust as I been, I + shall mauk Drink upon my Country-Mons; for fait and trot now dear Joy, + Eirish Mons never been base</i>; and so in a doors he comes; and the Bawd + has him into a Room presently, and tells him she'll go call his + Country-man; but instead of his Country-man, sends in a Whore to him; who + at her coming, thus accosted him, Country-man I am very glad to see you; + I have got a Pot of Ale at your Service for St. <i>Patrick</i>'s sake; + and the old Bawd having brought in a Pot, the Wench takes it up, Here, + says she, here's a good health to St. <i>Patrick</i>: <i>Wid all mine + heart</i>, said the Teague-Lander, <i>& Pox tauk me as I no mauk + Pledge upon him</i>; and thereupon pledg'd her, & drank a good + draught; and then the Jade beginning to be sweet upon him, he was so well + pleas'd, that he forgot his Errant; and fell a kissing her; upon which + she ask'd him to go up stairs, to which he readily consented: and there + she let him take all the Liberty he had a Mind to; for which to + recompence her, the Bog-trotter gave her Six-pence.—But when he + came down, the Bawd ask'd him how he lik'd his Country-Woman, and whether + she had pleas'd him? <i>Fait and Trot now, dear Joy</i>, says he, <i>I + have made very good like upon her; the Devil confound-ye, but she's a + foin Lass and a Cuttin-down-lass: And I have maud pay a whole half + Shilling for her Business</i>; and so he was a going out of door; but the + Bawd Pulling him by the Coat, Hold Sir, says she, Do you think I can keep + Wenches at this rate? <i>Bridget</i>, says she, what did this man do, and + what did he give you? He did what he wou'd, answer'd the Whore; he danc'd + the Corranto's two or three times; and might have done it oftner if he + wou'd: But he gave me but Sixpence: How Wench, says the old Bawd, but + Sixpence! Why who shall pay the rest? I thought Sir you wou'd have been + more open-handed, I sell no Coranto's at such rates. Five Shillings is + the lowest Price I take of any; and that you are like to give me before + you and I part; and so shut the Door upon him. Poor <i>Teague</i> found + he was in a bad condition; and was glad to part with his Money, that he + might get out of her Clutches. And instead of carrying home his Masters + Shoes, he was forc'd to tell his Master he had gotten a Misfortune, and + some Rogue or other had made pick upon his pocket: but his Master not + being Satisfied with that account, examin'd into the matter more + narrowly, and at last found out the whole Truth; and striping the Dear + Joy of his new Livery, turn'd him out of his Service, that he might have + the more leisure to make another Visit to his Country-woman. But alas! He + had no need to Visit her again, for she had done his Business already, + having so pepper'd him with the Pox, that in a little time he was neither + able to go nor stand. And not having Money to pay for his Cure, he + perish'd for want of that assistance that others, who are better + furnished, can purchase.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus still the Bawd drives on her Trade of Sin;</i></p> + <p><i>By whom unthinking Fools are often drawn in</i></p> + <p><i>Her Feet are Snares, infectious is her Breath;</i></p> + <p><i>The Pox her Punishment, her end is Death.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. VI.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>Of a Ladies Steward that was drawn in by a Bawd, and turn'd out + into the Street naked.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>A Bawd of the better sort, that us'd to provide Jilts for Men of + figure, had appointed a Person of Quality whom she was to furnish with a + fresh Bit, to meet her at a certain Tavern near <i>West-Smithfield</i>; + and waiting there for him, it happen'd that there came into the next Room + a Country Gentleman, who was a Steward to a Lady of a good Estate, and + another Gentleman who liv'd in <i>London</i>, and was to pay him fifty + Guineas, which he also did. After he had paid his Money, and the Steward + had given him a Receipt, they drank a Glass of Wine together, and talk'd + of their Acquaintance in the Country; and then the Steward ask'd how such + and such Persons did in <i>London</i>, and the Gentleman answer'd him + accordingly: Among others the Gentleman ask'd him if he did'nt know Mrs. + <i>Pierpoint</i>? I did know her formerly, said the Steward; but 'tis so + long since I saw her, that I have now quite forgot her: She's grown + ancient, says the Gentleman, but she has a Daughter that is a very fine + Woman: Is she married says the Steward? No, says the Gentleman, but she + deserves a good Husband, for she's very Handsome; and not only so, but + she has a good Portion. After this Discourse, the Gentleman takes a + Glass, Come Mr. <i>Brightwell</i> said he, to the Steward, here's a good + Health to Mrs. <i>Pierpoint</i> and her Daughter Mrs. <i>Betty</i>; + withal my heart replied Mr. <i>Brightwel</i>, (for that was the Steward's + Name) and then he drank to the Gentleman, remembring all their Friends in + <i>Bedfordshire</i>, especially at <i>Hargrave</i>. All these Passages + the Bawd, who waited for one to come to her, in the next Room, heard + distinctly, and took especial Notice of them; determining in herself to + make some use of them: For she had a very great mind to be fingering of + the fifty Guineas, and was laying a Plot how to come at them. And since + the Man of Quality that was to meet her fail'd, she was resolv'd not to + spend her time altogether idly. And therefore having Paid for the Pint of + Wine she had call'd for, she attended the two Gentlemens motion; and + finding they were ready to go (she having taken a distinct view of them + thro' a hole in the wall) went out first herself, and waited in a + convenient place for their coming out, which was soon after. When they + were parted, one going towards <i>Long Lane</i>, and the other through + St. <i>Bartholomews Hospital</i>, the Bawd made it her Business to wait + upon the Ladies Steward, who had the Fifty Guinea's (which was the Prize + she aim'd at) she takes an opportunity of getting before him, and then + meeting him in <i>Long-Lane</i>: And just as she came at him, making a + stand, I think, Sir, said she to him I shou'd know you: If I been't + mistaken, your'e a <i>Bedfordshire</i> Man: I am so, Madam, says the + Steward: Then Sir, says she, I presume your Name's <i>Brightwell</i>. + Yes, Madam, said he, it is so; but I don't know you: No, Sir, says she, I + believe you have forgot me; but my Name's <i>Pierpoint</i>: + <i>Brightwel</i> hearing her say so, was a little surpriz'd, and started: + How Madam, said he, <i>Pierpoint</i>! Yes Sir, says she, you han't forgot + <i>Pierpoint</i> of <i>Hargrave</i>, I suppose; I have some small Estate + there still: Madam says he, I am very glad to see you; It is not an hour + ago since I was Drinking your Health: I hope your good Daughter's very + well: She's very well at your Service, Sir, replyed the old Crone; and I + hope, Sir, you'l do me the honour to go and see her: I'll wait upon you + another time, Madam, said he, but I an't in a condition to wait upon a + young Lady now; O you are very well, reply'd she; come, you shall go + along with me; and taking him by the Hand, leads him along with her: The + Steward was the more willing to go, upon the account of what the + Gentleman had said to him at the Tavern about <i>Mrs. Pierpoint</i> and + her Daughter, and so went with her the more easily.</p> + + <p>As they went along together, she ask'd him about several Persons in + the Country, which she had hear the Gentleman and he talk of; So that he + had no manner of doubt but that this was the very Person she pretended to + be. And among other things, she ask'd him who it was that he was drinking + her Health with to day, as he was talking; and he telling her it was one + Mr. <i>Hanwel</i> she presently describ'd his Person, which she had seen + at the Tavern with him. At last she brings him to her house, which was in + an Alley on the back-side of <i>St. Jones</i>'s Lane, and has him into a + Parlour very well furnished; and then tells him She'll go and fetch her + Daughter: And goes to one of her first-rate Girls, and having given her + her Lesson, has her into the Steward, who Complements her to a great + degree, and told her he had heard a very good Character to her, both as + to her Beauty and Parts; but that he found they came far short of what + she merited; & added, that he thought himself very happy in Meeting + with her Mother, because by that means he had the Honour of being + introduc'd into her good Company.—The Jilt knew whom She was to + personate, and carry'd herself is demurely as cou'd be; but both the Bawd + and She ply'd him with good store of Wine, which made the Steward very + merry and frollicksome, and according as Mrs. <i>Betty</i> found him, She + put her self forward. But it beginning to grow late, <i>Brightnel</i> + would have been gone, but the pretended Mrs. <i>Pierpoint</i> would by no + means suffer him to go, till he had supp'd, which was a getting ready on + Purpose for him, by which means he was drawn to to stay till supper was + ready; and to make the time seem less tedious, the old Bawd calls for a + Pack of Cards, and sets her pretended Daughter and he to play a Game of + <i>Cribbage</i> together. At last Supper was brought in, and her Servants + waiting upon them at Table, like a Person of Quality; Mrs. + <i>Pierpoint</i> every now and then Drinking a Health, sometimes to Mr. + <i>Hanwel</i>, and by and by to all their Friends at <i>Hargrave</i>; + then to his good Health, which engag'd him to drink theirs: Till Supper + being ended, the Bawd ask'd one of her Servants what a Clock it was? Who + answered, Past Eleven: The Gentleman at this begins to get up, to be + going; but it was now too late, and they would by no means let him at + that time of Night; to which end they urg'd that it was an obscure place + they liv'd in, and it might be very dangerous (tho his greatest danger + was in being there) and that he shou'd have a good Bed at his Service + there: The Gentleman finding himself almost fluster'd, and thinking he + was secure where he was, agreed to stay till the next Morning: Upon which + the t'other Bottle of Wine was brought in, & then he began to be very + frollicksome, and would needs be Kissing Miss <i>Betty</i>, who pretended + a great kindness for him; which pleas'd <i>Brightwel</i> so much, that he + wou'd'nt go to Bed without she'd lie with him; which she not only + promis'd, but was as good as her word; yet engages him to take no notice + of it to her Mother, and then as soon as he was a Bed, she'd come to him: + Accordingly, after he was a Bed, she comes to Bed to him, as she before + had promis'd: And after they had both gratify'd their wanton desires, the + Whore professing a great deal of Love to him, and pretending she shou'd + never be happy till they were married, Miss <i>Betty</i> all of a sudden + pretends to want the Chamber-pot, which she desir'd him to help her to, + who feeling about for it for sometime, cou'd'nt find it; upon which she + told him she remember'd the Maid left it in the Window and desir'd him to + reach it there; which he going to do, and treading upon a Trap door, it + presently gave away; and down fell our Amorous Spark into the Alley; his + Fall was but little, and so did but stun him for the present, and his + being only in his Shirt quickly made him sensible of the cold; As soon as + he came to himself he got up, and it being very dark, he knew neither + where he was, nor which way to go; but endeavouring to find a door, he + went on till he came to <i>Clerken well-green</i>; where seeing a Light + at the Watch-house, he went thither; a Person all in white being seen by + one of the Watch-men, he gave notice of it to the Constable; who with his + whole Watch was very much affrighted, and began to exorcise this supposed + Spirit; who being almost dead with cold, (for it was cold frosty Weather) + told them he was no Ghost, but Flesh and Blood as they were; but Mr. + <i>Constable</i> was loth to believe him upon his own Word, and therefore + commanding him to stand, sent one of the most Couragious of his Watch-men + to see whether it was so or no; who having found him to be what he said, + he was taken into the Watch house, and put to the Fire, and examined how + he came into that condition; who gave the <i>Constable</i> an account how + he met with one Mrs <i>Pierpoint</i> his Country-woman, by whom he was + invited to her House, and what befell him there, related: But neither + <i>Constable</i> nor any of the Watch-men knowing any such Person, they + supposed rightly that he had been drawn in by a Bawd, and had lain with a + Whore, who had together Cheated him of what he had. For by a Ring on his + Finger, and the Gold Buttons on his Shirt, which was all he carried off, + they supposed his other Rigging was suitable thereto; which made Mr. + <i>Constable</i> so kind as to lend him his Night-gown, to cover his + Nakedness. And likewise to offer him his assistance, to recover his + Losses; but being in the dark he was altogether a Stranger to the Place, + that he could give 'em no manner of Directions, so that it was but like + seeking a Needle in a Bottle of Hay. However they went and search'd + several of the most notorious reputed Bawdy-Houses, but found nothing, + and had only their Labour for their Pains: Whilst the Bawd and the Whore + triumph'd in their wickedness, and were glad they had met with so easy a + Cully, from whom they had obtain'd so good a Booty.</p> + + <p>In the Morning our reduc'd Gallant sent a Messenger to Mr. + <i>Hanwell</i> to come to him, and related to him the unhappy Rencounter + he had met with from Mrs. <i>Pierpoint</i>; who soon perceived how he had + been impos'd upon; and furnish'd him with more money to new Rig himself, + and supply his occasions, ere he durst appear before his Lady; Mr. + <i>Hanwel</i> promising him, when he was at leisure, he wou'd have him to + the true Mrs. <i>Pierpoint</i>, from whom he engag'd he shou'd meet with + better entertainment than he did from the Counterfeit one.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus still the Bawd does her old Game pursue;</i></p> + <p><i>Her End's the same, altho' her Method's New.</i></p> + <p><i>Her Baits are various, which she still does suit</i></p> + <p><i>To ruin those that love forbidden Fruit.</i></p> + <p><i>And by her Management of things we find,</i></p> + <p><i>She's one knows how to Sail with every Wind.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. VII.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How a Citizen went to a Bawdy-House for a Whore, and the Bawd helpt + him to his own Wife.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>A Certain Citizen in <i>London</i>, in the late times had a very fine + Woman to his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and + Beauty, she might have deserved the first rank among Women: But Lust had + so great an Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her + over strong desires to the Delights of <i>Venus</i>: And therefore having + Communicated her Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private + Entertainment for the Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both Sexes, + she told her that for a Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the + drawing of her Picture, she might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby + (says the Bawd) you may both receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain + Money likewise; for the first Charge is all you will be put to, which + will be but three Guinea's, and Ten Shillings to the Attendants, who by + the Services they will do you, will very well deserve it: Then she + enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the House were, and how she must + manage herself in that Affair? And then she cou'd the better tell her + whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport therewith.</p> + + <p>To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:</p> + + <p><i>I have as genteel a House as most in </i>London<i>, with several + Chambers very well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: + and a Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those + who have a mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight + in seeing as in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in + Lodgings, and every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, + which hangs up in the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse + which Person they please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, + they are admitted to her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree + upon. And by this means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can + be admitted: and the Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd.</i></p> + + <p>But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant + Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do, + that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied + the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and + so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have + their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when + he knows her hour, he will come accordingly.—Now you your self can + best judge what hour will be fittest for you—That I am at a Loss + how to resolve, says she.—Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, + says the Bawd and then I'll tell you what you shall do—Why, says + she, many times I rise at five a Clock in the Morning, and having got my + self drest by Six a Clock, I go to the Lecture at St. <i>Antholines</i>, + which is done a little before Eight, and then I return home; and at + Ten—Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more; There's nothing in + the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and therefore if you + can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the only time you + can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at home again: + Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a Loose + Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's + contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and + Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean + time went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was + very well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture + than she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one + morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he + follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and + she going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband + had a mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began + to blame himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.</p> + + <p>All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to + the Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each + Person that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; + Whereby she not only satisfied her Lustful Desires, but was supplied with + Money likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she + wrong'd him more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, + thought himself as happy in her, as any Man in <i>London</i> was in a + Wife: So true is that Proverb, Than <i>What the Eye sees not, the Heart + rues not</i>.</p> + + <p>But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as + this, tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, + since this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her + Beauty having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd + upon with an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found + it was absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was + the Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; + and she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt + her: Upon which, without asking her the means, they left the matter + intirely to her.</p> + + <p>The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but + just Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that + suffer'd most by this new <i>Interloper</i>; which rendered her so + Malicious, that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than + that Upstart shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she + Writes the following Letter to her Husband.</p> + + <p>To Mr. <i>R——d S——n</i>, <i>These:</i></p> + + <p>SIR,</p> + + <p><i>Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet + the Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your + good Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prostitutes her Chastity, + to every libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and + Dishonouring the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so + much. And tho' an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be + believed; Yet if you will but give your self the Trouble of following her + </i>Incognito<i> any Morning, you may easily satisfy your self, whether + the Account I have given you be true or no: And the better to enable you + to detect her in her Lewd Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a + little while, you may go in after her; altho' without a Particular + Recommendation, you will hardly be admitted; and therefore if you please + to ask for the Gentlewoman of the House, and tell her you was directed + thither by </i>Tom Stanhop<i>, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the + Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em; and after that, you may + proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of the Truth of what I + say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you find it so, I am + sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the Office of,</i></p> + + <p class="author">Your unknown Friend,<br /> +<i>A.B.</i></p> + + <p>This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it + only into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read + it, he was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of + Intelligence, that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of + opinion that it was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in + so Vertuous a Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was + reffer'd to so easie a Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something + more in it then so: Upon which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till + he had made a farther Trial. And therefore that afternoon, pretends to + have Receive'd a Letter obliging him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning + between Four and Five a Clock at <i>Westminster</i> to treat with him + about a parcel of Goods which he was to go and see, and should not be + back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean time get's him a very + Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a Friends House; ready to + put on in the Morning when he came thither. The next Morning rises very + early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to his Friends House, and + accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had so disguis'd him, + that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself 'twas the same Man. + In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Glass of Purl at an + Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his Wife came out; + who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Glass of Purl, and + follows her: And she going towards St. <i>Antholin's</i> Church, he began + to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly + convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross + over the way to the Back-side of St. <i>Thomas Apostles</i>, and there go + into a House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an + hour, and then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in + himself, and ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old + Bawd appearing, Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? + Yes, Sir, says she, for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have + with me? Why, Madam, says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly + Convenience, and I am inform'd you can help me to one. At which the Bawd + look'd a little strangely upon him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I + hope, you don't take me for a Bawd; if you do, I assure you, you are come + to the wrong House; And I'd have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of + Person. Madam, replyed he, if I have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but + I was directed hither by <i>Tom Stanhop</i>, to take a Survey of the + Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the Bawd heard him say so, she + began to look more pleasingly upon him, and desir'd him to walk up + Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the Dining-Room, where + he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And making Choice of + that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the Enjoyment of + this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest? Why truly, + Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's another + Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I wonder he + isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't recommend + any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No, Sir, says + she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he, you ought + to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, <i>First come, + first serv'd</i>: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought + so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the + Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he + cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am + now come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which + she answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome + to all the Pleasure I can give you:—What must the Purchase be of so + much happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am + no Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one + before-hand; but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to + whose Generosity I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, + (continued she) for I am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, + the Disguis'd Beau fell to, <i>sans</i> further Ceremony, And whilst they + were a Dancing and Acting the delights of <i>Venus</i>, the Bells of St. + <i>Antholins</i> Rung very sweetly, which made her say, whilst she was + thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, <i>O how sweetiy St. + </i>Antholin<i>'s Bells Ring</i>! Which she Repeated over as oft as they + renew'd their Pleasures.—As soon as they had finish'd their + Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, + seem'd well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew + without Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. <i>Ant'lin</i>'s + Lecture being done, according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd + only been at her Devotions.</p> + + <p>When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, + he return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no + Notice of what had pass'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to + Bed, he had a mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage + things at home as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much + more Dull, he told her St. <i>Ant'lin</i>'s Bells didn't Ring half so + sweetly then as as they did i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long + as here it is much cheaper, I like it full as well: His Wife was so + confounded at the Words, she knew not what to say at first; nor cou'd she + guess how he shou'd know that she had spoke such Words in the Morning: At + last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain himself; and therefore ask'd him + what he meant by those expressions—Nay, what did you mean by 'em, + says he, when you repeated them so often in the Morning? How, says she, + in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning? Yes, Madam, says he + somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the Morning, when I lay with + you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant, in such a place, and + gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you then, said she, that + was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. <i>Impudence</i>, says he, that it + was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning, without blushing? To + what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very confidently? For if I do, + you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why you shou'd call me + <i>Impudence</i>; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and as for my + being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about one + Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own + Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I + should be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own + performances at home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you + don't, blame your self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The + contented Man hearing his Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do + better for the time to come; and she on that condition promising him to + go no more to St. <i>Antholin's</i> to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, + they forgave one another, and were both Freinds.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,</i></p> + <p><i>And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:</i></p> + <p><i>And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high</i></p> + <p><i>Their lusts are more than they can satisfie.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. IX.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through + the Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd + thereupon.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a + <i>Goldsmiths</i> Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, + that nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was + altogether at a Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance + either with her or her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a + Bawd, who had several times assisted him in his Love Intreagues, and + tells her at what a non-plus he was how to accomplish his Design: The + Bawd at first persuades him off of her, and promises to help him to one + that shall not only equal but surpass her: But all that was in vain, for + nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very Person. Well, says this Mistress + in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you how you shall obtain your + Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but that, says he, and + you'll oblige me for ever,—Well then, says she, you must take an + opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some little + Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often, buying + sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have + brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, + you cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure + has the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if + money be the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making + Presents to her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd + her counsel very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took + an opportunity to buy a Silver <i>Snush-Box</i>; and having before bought + some fine French Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by + cracking of them, had an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and + gaze more on that Beauty which had already overcome him. In two or three + days after, he comes again and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, + and then brought some peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; + and a Week after buys some other odd things; and still brought something + or other which he presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as + the Effect of his good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no + apprehension of his being her humble Servant. After he had drove this + Trade of being a constant Customer to the Shop for several Weeks + together, and had made no farther progress of his Amours save to be + look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or twice invited to + Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down into the Shop, + to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to acquaint her + somewhat darkly with his Passion, which she either did not, or wou'd not + understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to the + Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there was + of attaining his end.</p> + + <p>The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an + Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Passion, he had brought + things to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said + she, that you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the + last Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you + shall proceed.</p> + + <p>He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some <i>Knick + knacks</i> there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of + her, letting it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many + Errands hither, but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, + and your incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my + heart as will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compassion will + grant me a Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of + your Love, and Beauty.—I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that + poor Stock of Beauty I am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal + Effects as those you speak of. But 'tis the common Theam that you are + pleas'd to entertain our Sex withal, tho there be nothing in it. However, + 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly to love at that rate, where you can + have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am otherways dispos'd of: And there are + young Ladies enough that are single, that are more worthy of you. I + question not Madam, <i>replyed he</i>, but I might have choice of + Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me, and therefore 'tis + you alone that can effect my Care.—What wou'd you have me do to + cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the Enjoyment of + your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she, wou'd you have + me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think he'd take it? + E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him know it; + but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your Counsel, I + shall take nothing from him he can miss.—Hold, Sir, says she, you + talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will be + two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont—But + here's my Husband coming, says the Jilt—Indeed Sir; I have sold you + a Pen'worth in it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then + into the Shop) the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her + Discourse, told her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he + was satisfied. And then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what + he paid for it, he told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he + took his leave of 'em; and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her + what had past. You may depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; + but you must Fee her pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; + for tho he had a great mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too + much charge Which the Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to + carry her under a Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, + if you will give me but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point + without being at any Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll + promise you the five Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, + Sir, says the Bawd, I'll have my Money in hand; for you know, we never + trust. Well, says he, here's your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now + let me know your Method. Upon which the Bawd thus began.</p> + + <p>Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear + upon your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I + woud'nt part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above + Four-score, and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to + give her that, this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of + five Guineas for nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such + matter; but you won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you + are disappointed of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that + you have a Present occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him + to let you have, and you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean + time; and that as soon as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every + day, you'll pay him again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because + he runs no hazzard in it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you + have got these fifty Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse + your Mistress; if you find she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and + you have nothing else to do but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, + as I dare say she is, you must tempt her with Gold; and that you may be + sure to make her bite, give her the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of + her Husband.—A Pox take ye, for an Old Bitch, says he, in a kind of + Passion; is this the way to bring me off for nothing?—You are too + hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done first, and then talk your + Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty Guineas; and when you have + enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the Chamber, or the Shop, until her + Husband does come in: And when you see him, tell him you have receiv'd + the Bill that you expected, and have brought the fifty Guineas that you + borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so desire him to let you + have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour) can do no less than + own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must restore your + Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come off for + nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance, says he, + and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly guarded by + thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot + extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution.</p> + + <p>Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on + his Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty + Guinea's he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he + pulls his Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: + The Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy + Guineas for it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't + part with it; only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a + Bill that I expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let + me have fifty Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a + Fortnight or three Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you + shall think reasonable for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the + fifty Guineas be desir'd, and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking + his leave, goes home very well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far + prosperously.</p> + + <p>In two or three days after, he goes to make a Visit to the Goldsmith's + Wife; and it fell out in such a lucky minute, that her Husband was from + home; whereby he had an opportunity with the more freedom to renew his + Suit; and tho' he arm'd himself with all the Charms he cou'd, taking the + Auxiliary helps both of the <i>Tayler</i>, <i>Barber</i>, and + <i>Perfumer</i>; yet it all wou'd not do: Fain he'd ha'd sav'd running + the hazard of his fifty Guineas; but when he found he cou'd not without + such a Present obtain his wish'd Enjoyment, he as his last Effort, + address'd her thus: Well, Madam; I do perceive you are of kin to + <i>Danae</i>, whom <i>Jove</i> himself could not prevail upon until he + courted her in Showers of Gold, an that dissolv'd her quickly into Love; + & I intend to follow his Example, and to Enjoy your Favour I make + this Present to you, and, therewithal gave her the fifty Guineas. And + this had so soon molified her Stubborness, and made her maleable, that + she straight made him this agreeable Return; Well, Sir, I see you are so + much a Gentleman, that I scarce know how to deny you any longer: Your + Amiable Person and good Humour, has over-come me so, I can no longer make + Resistance, but offer my self to your Embraces. The Gallant then enquir'd + if all were safe below, and if they shou'd not be in danger of meeting + any Interruption from her Husband. To which she bid him never fear, all + was secure enough. And then conducting him into the Chamber, she let him + have what he so much desir'd. When he had thus debauch'd her, and + satisfy'd his Lustful Appetite, he ask'd her how long 'twould be before + her Husband wou'd be at home again, she told him he was gone out of Town; + and wou'd not be at home this Ten-days. At which he seem'd to be + surpriz'd, for he was loath to be without his Ring so long; but since + there was no Remedy, he was resolv'd to wait till he came home. His + Mistress seeing him so indifferent at the hearing of her Husbands + Absence, cou'd not tell what to think shou'd be the reason of it; and + ask'd him what 'twas troubled him? Nothing, my Dear, said he, but I was + thinking how crosly things fell out; because my own Affairs obliges me to + be some Days out of Town just at this happy Juncture, when I might have + been blest so oft with your Embraces. The cunning Baggage (now she had + got his fifty Guinea's) was as indifferent as he for that, and told him + Time might present 'em with another opportunity which might be full as + favourable. And so they parted.</p> + + <p>The Spark was satisfied with the enjoyment of his Lady, and that Itch + now was Cur'd; he only wanted back his Ring, or else his fifty Guineas, + that he might demand it of her Husband; and now reflecting on his short + liv'd Pleasure, he truly judg'd that he had bought it at too dear a Rate, + altho' he should be only at the Five Guineas Charge he gave the Bawd.</p> + + <p>But since the Goldsmith's being out of Town was such a Disappointed as + cou'd not be fore-seen, & yet had been extreamly serviceable to him + in the Enjoyment of his Mistress, he goes to the Old Bawd, and gives her + an Account of what had pass'd, and asks her further how he must proceed + in getting of his Ring again, without repaying of the Fifty Guineas? Give + me the other Fee, says the Old Jade, and I'll inform you; for I am like a + Lawyer, and don't know how to speak without a Fee. No, no, says he, I + have Feed enough before, nor would I give so much again, for all the + Pleasure her Enjoyment gave me.—The Bawd, (since she saw nothing + more was to be got by him) advises him to wait the Goldsmiths coming + home, and then take a fit opportunity to go to her alone, and to pretend + he was just come to Town; and to desire another Assignation from her, + which being made, and you having once more Enjoy'd her, stay till her + Husband comes, and do as you were first directed. And when you have got + your Ring again, I hope you'll then present me with two Guineas + more.—No, not a Farthing more, says he, you know I paid you very + well before-hand: And so left her.</p> + + <p>The Bawd perceiving nothing more was to be got from him, resolv'd she + wou'd be even with him, and take another Course to make a Penny of him: + And thereupon goes the next Morning to the Goldsmith's Shop, and asks the + Prentice if his Mistress was within; He answers, Yes, and she reply'd she + must needs speak with her, who coming down, the Bawd Whispers her in the + Ear, that she had something to acquaint her with, of great Importance to + her; which was not fit to be discours'd of Publickly: And thereupon the + Mistress ask'd her to walk up, and leading of her into a with-drawing + Room, desir'd her to sit down, and then intreated her to tell her + Business; upon which the Bawd began as followeth.</p> + + <p>Madam.</p> + + <p><i>Altho' I am a Stranger to you, I doubt not but you will excuse the + rudeness of this Visit, when you shall know 'twas only the Concern I have + to see a lady of your Worth and Beauty, so much Design'd upon and + Trick'd, as you are like to be, that has occasion'd it: I Know therefore, + Madam, that there's a Gentleman, who has been for some time a great + Admirer of your Matchless Beauty, which truly does deserve all those + Encomiums that I have often heard him justly give it. This Gentleman, + under the Notion of a Customer, has made you many Visits: And has been + pleas'd (I know not for what reason) to make me his Confident; of which I + need give you no further Instant, then that he has acquainted me that but + a few Days past he gave you fifty Guineas, for which by way of Gratitude, + he was admitted to enjoy your last Favours</i>:—<i>Here the Young + Lady interrupted her, all Blushing and Confus'd</i>; Madam, you've fully + satisfy'd me, <i>said she</i>, that that false man has let you know my + Weakness, and most ungratefully expos'd my Honour, and betray'd me to the + world.—<i>Nay, Madam</i>; said the Bawd, <i>be not so passionate; I + don't believe he has acquainted any with it, but myself. Nor let the + thoughts of that at all disturb you; for, that's a Crime that I have + known, for more than thirty-Years, the rest of all our Sex has scarce + been free from. But that which more stirs up my Spleen against him, is + for the Trick he designs to put upon you still; which is the only reason + of my giving you this trouble</i>. You will oblige me in it very much, + <i>reply'd the Goldsmith's Wife</i>. <i>Then this</i> says the Bawd, + <i>it is. He understands your Husband is now out of Town; and will be so + for Seven or Eight Days time. As soon as he comes home, your Gallant will + be with you to appoint him a time in which he may again enjoy your + Favour; which when he has enjoy'd, he does intend to tarry till your + Husband shall come in, and then accquaint him that he has paid to him the + fifty Guineas that he borrow'd of him on his Ring; and so desire that he + may have his Ring again; which is the thing he aims at. For he well + knows, that when you shall be askt whether or no you have receiv'd the 50 + Guineas, your Honour is so far concern'd, you can't deny it</i>. O + Treach'rous Villian <i>said the She Goldsmith, with some indignation</i>, + Is this the Generosity he so much boasted of? <i>Yes, Madam</i>, says the + Bawd, <i>this is what he designs to do; But I am so concerned to see a + Lady of your Worth so basely and ingratefully impos'd upon, I could not + but discover it: And if you wou'd be rul'd by me, you shou'd out-Trick + the Fop, and catch him in the Snare he'd lay for you.</i>—O I'd do + any thing to be reveng'd on him, <i>cry'd the young Lady with some + eagerness</i>: And do but tell me how, and Keep my Counsel, and I'll so + well reward you for your Pains, that you shall say I'm + grateful.—<i>Then Madam</i>, says the Bawd, <i>as soon as your + Husband comes to Town, before he comes to know of it, send one to tell + him that you must needs speak with him about earnest Business, and when + he's come, tell him that you expect your Husband the next day; and + therefore beg the Favour of him to let you have his Company that Night, + and as an Earnest of your Love to him, & that he should not think you + mercenary, you'll both return him Fifty Guineas, and give him back the + Ring he gave your Husband for a Pawn: And tell him likewise you have + engag'd the Maid to Secresie; for which if he presents her with a Guinea, + 'tis all he needs to do: This will, I'm sure engage him; for he's as + Covetous as he is Lustful: And when he's thus engag'd, in the next place + acquaint your Husband how you cou'd scarce have any quiet in his absence + from this young Spark's continual Solicitations to unlawful Love. Then + tell him that you have appointed him to come that Evening, of which you + thought fit to acquaint him, that he might give him that Correction which + he saw necessary, to cool his too hot Blood: This will so much confirm + your Husband in his opinion of your inviolable Chastity, that all your + Treacherous Gallant shall offer to the contrary will be look'd upon as + the Effect of Malice and Revenge. Thus you'll confirm your Reputation to + the World, and keep these Fifty Guineas he designs to cheat you out of, + and be sufficiently reveng'd on an ungrateful Man.</i></p> + + <p><i>Well</i> (says the injur'd Gentlewoman) <i>I'm pleas'd with your + Contrivance; keep but my Counsel, and you shall see my Vengeance on this + ungrateful Wretch, and with how just a Retribution I shall use him for + his intended Villany. And that you may be sensible you have not lost your + Labour, accept of this</i>; and therewithal she put Ten Guineas in her + hand, and promis'd her a further Token of her Gratitude: And so dismist + her.—The Bawd was well pleas'd with the Mornings Work she'd made; + and finding that the Goldsmith's Wife was like to be the better Customer, + she hugg'd her self for her contrivance, and her Treachery to the Cully + Beau.</p> + + <p>That Afternoon the <i>Wrathful Lady</i> receiv'd a Letter from her + Husband, that he intended to be in Town the <i>Thursday</i> following, + and desir'd her to meet him that day at <i>Hammersmith</i> about noon, + where he wou'd dine with her, and so come home together. She therefore + sent a Messenger to tell her Treacherous Lover she must needs speak with + him on <i>Thursday Morning</i>, for she had something of Moment to impart + to him; who presently on the receiving of this Note, came to her, fearing + there might be some Discovery of their Love-enjoyment.</p> + + <p>As soon as he was come, she tells him she was extreamly Troubled she + had not seen him since; and that she never had enjoy'd more pleasure than + in his Embraces; and understanding that her Husband wou'd be at home on + <i>Friday Night</i>, she had contriv'd things so, that he might freely, + and without Interruption, lie with her on <i>Thursday Night</i>. Which + she desir'd on the Account of that affection which she had for him, and + of the Pleasure which she took in his Embraces; and that he might be + satisfy'd 'twas so, she did engage the next Morning to present him with + his Fifty Guineas, which, she was sorry that she had took of him: And as + a further Testimony of it, if he could but procure things necessary for + the picking of the Locks belonging to her Husbands Cabinet, she'd give + him back the Diamond Ring he gave her Husband as a Pledge for fifty + Guineas; and, as occasion offer'd, wou'd be very grateful to him + otherways.</p> + + <p>These <i>Generous Offers</i> overcame the Spark to all Intents and + purposes; and he wou'd fain have been a dabling with her then; But she + forbid him, and told him 'twas not at that time convenient, but she had + order'd matters so, that when he came on <i>Thursday-night,</i> there + shou'd be nothing that shou'd interrupt them. Telling him further, she + had made the Maid acquainted with their Secrets, who was intirely in + their Interests, and that it wou'd not be amiss to give her something as + an Encouragement: And thereupon, calling the Maid to fetch a Bottle of + Wine, he gave her half a Guinea, and told her, <i>that was but an Earnest + of that which he intended her to Morrow-night</i>. And then drinking his + Wine up, he gave his Mistress a Salute, and took his leave; she bidding + him besure not to forget to bring the <i>Picklocks</i> with him, that she + might help him to the Ring.</p> + + <p>The Plot being thus laid, on <i>Thursday-Morning</i>, she prepares to + meet her Husband; having before acquainted her Maid with her Design, who + mightily commended both her Honesty and Ingenuity, for she knew nothing + of what had before past between 'em.</p> + + <p>Being come to <i>Hammersmith</i>, and meeting with her Husband there, + she told him she had something to say to him privately that did as much + concern his Honour as her own: And then, as they were walking together in + the Garden she thus began to tell him her Design.</p> + + <p>My Dear,</p> + + <p><i>I doubt not but you are well satisfied that I have all along took + care in all my Actions still to approve my self </i>(what you shall ever + find me) a chaste and vertuous Wife<i>, and tho' I am not sensible I ever + gave encouragement to any lustful Eyes to cast a wanton Glance at me yet + so it is, I have been solicited to commit Folly both against Heaven and + you, with that young Gentleman to whom you lent the 50 Guineas on the + Diamond Ring; & tho' I have as oft deny'd his Suit as he has made it, + yet he continues his Solicitations still; and has been so importunate of + late that I could scarce be ever quiet for him: And therefore being with + me Yesterday, & urging me for my Consent to his unlawful Amours, I + did appoint him to come to me this Night; having before receiv'd your + Letter, by which I knew you wou'd be then at home. The lustful Fool is + extream Confident that I will yield to his Desires; & since he wants + no Money I thought it best to seem to yield to him, that having caught + him your Trap, you may deal with him as you please. And there's another + thing that I have to acquaint you with, and that is, that he's as + </i>Covetous<i> as he is </i>Leacherous<i>, and did but Yesterday solicit + me to let him have his Ring: And tho' (to put him off) I told him 'twas + lock'd up in a Cabinet of which you had the Key: yet he reply'd that he + cou'd bring a </i>Picklock<i> with him that cou'd open it. So that I am + afraid he does design as well to rob you of your Treasure as your Honour. + But ere to morrow Morning, I hope you'll have it in your power to make + him pay for his Attempting either. At least I have contributed what I can + towards it, and leave the rest to you.</i></p> + + <p>The poor <i>Contented Goldsmith</i>, (who thought his Wife far Chaster + than <i>Diana</i> of her <i>Nymphs</i>; and that the Wife of + <i>Collatine</i> wa'nt worthy to compare to her) was hugely pleas'd with + his Wife's Policy; and therefore order'd her to go home first alone, + whilst he came after her <i>Incognito</i>; and when her Gallant came, he + bid her hasten him to bed; and whilst she stood before him, that the Maid + shou'd take away his Sword, and then he thought he might the better deal + with a Naked Man: All which she promis'd him shou'd be obey'd.</p> + + <p>At Night the poor deluded <i>Cully</i> comes to the + <i>Goldsmith's</i>, according to appointment; and was conducted presently + up Stairs; where, he might the less suspect foul Play, he finds a good + Collation was proyided, which he and his false Mistress feasted at, + <i>she urging him to make haste into Bed, that there they might have more + delicious Dainties</i>, and she beginning to undress her self, he made + most haste and first got into Bed; and then the Maid (as she was before + directed) having privately carry'd off the Sword, comes running in upon a + sudden, and cries out, <i>O Mistress, we are all undone! My Master's + coming up Stairs</i>. Up gets the Quaking Beau immediately, and runs + under the Bed, which he had but just done, before the <i>Goldsmith</i> + enter'd: Who seeing of his Wife, Accosts her thus, <i>My Dear I'm come a + Day sooner than I expected</i>,—<i>You're very Welcome, Love</i>, + said she again, looking as one surpriz'd, at which, cries he, <i>Why how + now? What's the matter with you?</i> And then looking about the Chamber, + he sees a very Beauish Powder'd Wig; <i>Ah ha!</i> says he; <i>What have + we here? A Wig, new Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none + of mine</i>; then looking on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, + <i>Hey dey!</i> Cries he, <i>Pray whose are these?</i> <i>They're + yours</i>, said she, <i>for ought I know</i>, (speaking a little surlily) + <i>whose shou'd they be, d'ye think?</i> <i>They're none of mine</i>, + says he, <i>I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in + 'em?</i>—Then searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, + about Nine or Ten Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As + soon as he perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, <i>So, so</i>, cries he, <i>here's a + fine Trade indeed! Cou'd you get none to serve you, but some + Newgate-Stallion; One that us'd to Break up Houses, and Pick open Locks! + Where is this Villain</i>, says he, <i>that Wrongs my Bed, and thus + dishonours me, that I may run my Sword into his Heart, and send him of an + Errand to the Devil?</i></p> + + <p>The Poor Dejected Wretch, that look'd each moment to be stuck to th' + Floor, resolving now to venture on the Goldsmith's Clemency, came + trembling out from underneath the Bed, & begg'd of him to save his + Life, and he wou'd tell him all that e'er he knew. <i>Don't tell me</i>, + says the Goldsmith <i>of what you know, but tell me what Satisfaction + shall I have for the wrong you've done me, to come thus to defile my + Bed?</i> <i>Indeed</i>, said he, <i>I did it never but once before</i>. + <i>How!</i> says the Goldsmith, <i>have you lain with my Wife before?</i> + <i>Yes, if it please you, once, and never but once</i>. With that his + Wife with open mouth came to him, <i>O Villain</i>, said she, <i>art not + thou asham'd thus falsly to accuse me to my Husband, because thy own base + wicked inclinations are now brought to light? Hast thou not been + soliciting of me to act Uncleanness with thee, a long time, and I refus'd + it always? Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed + thee to come to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give + thee thy Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own + Judge</i>—<i>Yes, Sir</i>, reply'd the Maid, <i>I know that what my + Mistress says is true</i>—</p> + + <p>The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, <i>What, + Mr.</i> Bramble says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: <i>Is't you that did + intend to claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my + Wife too, as if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied + there e'nt an honester Woman in the Kingdom. Why to be plain with ye, + 'tis she that has discover'd all your Roguery</i>: As soon as he heard + that, lifting up his Hands and Eyes, <i>O the Deceit</i>, said he, + <i>that is in Women!</i> Pray give me leave to put my Cloaths on, and + then hear me what I have to say—<i>No</i>, says the Goldsmith, + <i>I'll not part with these Cloaths; but yet I'll lend you something to + cover your Nakedness with all</i>; and then bid the Maid to reach him an + old Suit of his. Which having put on, <i>Now</i>, says he, <i>give me but + leave to speak, and I will tell you how false that Woman is</i>: Come, + said the Goldsmith, let's hear what you have to say. Upon which + <i>Bramble</i> thus began.</p> + + <p>I must confess my Fault; I do acknowledge I did oft-times solicite + your Wife to let me lie with her, and I must do her that Justice to tell + you that she still refus'd it; until at last I borrow'd fifty Guineas of + you on a Ring, and that I gave her, and she thereupon permitted me to lie + with her. And I ne'er thought of Lying with her more, until she sent for + me yesterday morning; and told me how much she lov'd me, and that you + were to come home on Friday-night, and she wou'd have me Lie with her on + Thursday night; and that to let me know how well she lik'd me, she wou'd + return me back again the fifty Guineas that I gave her, and also give me + back the Ring I pawn'd to you for fifty Guineas. And that was the + Occasion of my coming here to Night.</p> + + <p><i>But</i> said the Goldsmith, <i>Pray resolve me one thing; What made + you bring the Pick-locks in your Pocket?</i></p> + + <p>I brought these Pick-locks, <i>reply'd he</i>, at her desire, to open + the Cabinet, wherein the Ring was put.</p> + + <p><i>By that</i>, answer'd the Goldsmith, <i>I know that what you have + said is false. For what need she to have desir'd you to bring Picklocks + to open the Cabinet withal, when as the Key of it was in her keeping? for + I left it with her when I went out of Town.</i></p> + + <p>'Tis very true, my Dear, <i>reply'd his Wife</i>, and here it is. And + then going to her Chest of Drawers, she gave him out the Key of the + Cabinet.</p> + + <p><i>No, Sirrah</i>, says the Goldsmith, <i>you're a Rascal; and you + accuse my Chaste and Vertuous Wife because she has discover'd your + Baseness—'Tis plain enough that your Design was to debauch my Wife, + and then to Rob my House; and I will make you suffer for't, before I've + done with you. I've lost above Five hundred pounds already; and for ought + I know you may be the Thief; for I have found you in my Chamber + underneath my Bed, with Picklocks in your Breeches—Here Boy go call + a Constable.</i></p> + + <p>The poor <i>Beau</i> finding himself in such bad Circumstances, begg'd + him for Heavens sake, he wou'd not to call a Constable; for if he shou'd + be sent to Goal, his Reputation wou'd be lost for ever. Matters were + private now, and if they might be kept so, let him but make his own + Demands, and he wou'd satisfie 'em.—This Generous submission did + somewhat qualifie the Goldsmith's Passion. And calling of his Man to + fetch his Books up, he look'd what he had lost by Mr <i>Theif</i>, and + finding there about four hundred Pounds set down, he told him, <i>That + he'd use him kindly, and take his Bond for Three hundred and fifty pound, + including in it the fifty Guineas he had lent him; and for the Ring, + since he had in so gross a manner abus'd his Wife, he shou'd bestow that + on her, to make her Satisfaction.</i></p> + + <p>These were hard Terms poor <i>Bramble</i> thought; but yet considering + his Circumstances, he judg'd 'twas better to comply than go to Goal, + which wou'd be the Result of being had before a Justice.</p> + + <p>The Bonds being made and Seal'd, he fetches him the Ring, which he, + (with begging of her Pardon,) presents the Goldsmith's Wife, and desires + her to accept of it for the affront he so unworthily had put upon her. + And then, after a Bottle of Wine at parting, they let him go; restoring + him his Cloaths and all things again. She telling of him, as he was going + out of Doors, <i>She hop'd that this wou'd be a warning to him how he + hereafter went about to put Tricks upon Gentlewomen, or make his Boast + what private Favours he had receiv'd from 'em.</i></p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i2"><i>Thus still the Bawd tempts all she can to Sin,</i></p> + <p><i>And leaves them in the Lurch, when once they're in:</i></p> + <p><i>To heap up Gold, which she so much adores,</i></p> + <p><i>She makes Men Atheists, and makes Women Whores,</i></p> + <p><i>She lives by Sin; and if she can but gain,</i></p> + <p><i>She has her End, let those that list Complain.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3>CHAP. X.</h3> + +<blockquote class="b1"> + + <p><i>How the Goldsmiths Wife went to the Bawd, and gave her an Account + how she had serv'd her Treacherous Gallant; and how the Bawd related + several of her own Exploits, </i>&c<i> In a short History of her + Life.</i></p> + +</blockquote> + + <p>About a week after poor Mr. <i>Bramble</i> had been so miserably + handled by the Contrivance of the old Bawd, and the Splenetick and + Vindictive Temper of the Goldsmith's Wife; whereby she doubled on himself + all the Design he had of Cheating her: She thought upon the Promise she + had made to the Old Bawd, of giving her a Visit, and Enlarging her + Gratuity: For she saw clearly now her Words were True, and <i>Bramble</i> + made a full account to Cheat her, tho' 'twas by the Exposing of her + Honour, which she cou'd never have retriev'd had it not been for the old + Bawd's Advice; altho' indeed, when she had put her in the way, she did + her self improve it further to her own Advantage.</p> + + <p>She therefore took Ten Guineas in her Pocket, which she believ'd she + had deserv'd; and which she also thought wou'd so engage her, that she + need not fear Discovery. And being come to her House, (to find which she + before had given her Directions) she had no sooner ask'd for her, but + found her; and the old Bawd taking her up into her Dining-Room, told her, + that she was glad too see her in her poor Habitation. <i>O Mother</i>, + says the She-Goldsmith, <i>I found that Treacherous Villain the same + false man you represented him; and if I had'nt took your Counsel, my + Honour had been Ruin'd; for the insipid Sot told all that e'er had past + between us to my Husband; but thanks to my good Stars, & your sage + Counsel, I clearly got the Ascendant over him, for which I here present + you with a farther Testimony of my Gratuity.</i> The Bawd, (who met with + such large Fees but seldom) was so well pleas'd with her Ingenuous and + generous Temper, that she both thank'd her heartily for what she had + presented her and told her that if hereafter she cou'd by any means + oblige her, she wou'd be sure to do it: For I assure you, added she, that + Trading now is very Dead, and I have got but little Custom.—This + made the Gentlewoman ask her what Trade she follow'd (for she was + Ignorant she was a Bawd)—Madam, reply'd the old Crone, You have so + far engag'd me by your Generosity, I can deny you nothing; and therefore + if you please, I'll give you the History of my Life: In which you may + perhaps find something that may be diverting: For I have in my time run + through varieties of Changes, and met with very odd Rencounters: Which if + I may not too much Trespass on your patience, I'll relate to you with all + the Brevity I can.—To which, with an obliging Bow, the Gentlewoman + told her, she shou'd esteem herself indebted to her for so great an + Obligation.—And then the Bawd began as followeth.</p> + + <p>Madam,</p> + + <p><i>Before I give you that Account of my Life which I design, I think + my self obliged first of all, to answer the Question you were pleas'd to + put to me, </i>viz. What Trade or Calling 'tis I follow<i>, the knowledge + of which, will make that I shall afterwards relate, the more Intelligible + to you.</i></p> + + <p>Know therefore, <i>Madam</i>, That the House which I now keep, is a + House of Convenience for Gentlemen and Ladies: And goes under several + Denominations: Some call it <i>The School of Venus</i>, others a + <i>Vaulting School</i>; other the <i>Assignation-House</i>: And some that + are my Enemies, bestow upon it the Title of a <i>Bawdy-House</i>; but + this Title I neither lay claim to, nor take Pleasure in. Tho' I confess, + my Business is to help a Gentleman that is in distress, to the Enjoyment + of a Gentlewoman; and a Gentlewoman that has the like occasion, to a + Gallant. In which I always take care to help either Sex to that which may + be for their Purpose; and always Warrant those I help 'em to, to be Safe + and Sound; for I Value my Reputation more, than to put a bad Commodity + into any Man's hand. I am not unsensible that this is decried as a very + unlawful Calling; but for my part, to be plain with you, <i>Madam</i>, I + am of another Opinion: For Nature that has given us Appetites, has also + given us an Inclination to satisfie 'em; and 'tis no more than the + Satisfying the Natural Desires and Inclinations of Men and Women; that I + concern my self about. I know it will be Objected that Marriage is + appointed as a Remedy in that Case. And to those that are equally + Match'd, without any Impediment on either side, I grant it: And whether + there be any such Impediment, or not, they can best tell, that have such + Wives or Husbands. It is not my Business to ask 'em and if they do't + without occasion, 'tis their own fault, and not mine. I know (and know it + by Experience too) there's many a Man that looks as likely as your + Husband does, and yet cann't give a Woman that which Nature calls for. + Some Men (and so some Women too) have greater Stomachs, and some less, as + Nature orders it; and if their Diet be'nt proportion'd according to their + Stomachs, some may be Surfeited, and others Starv'd. For that which one + can live on very well, wou'd starve another; And the Concupiscential + Appetites of Men and Women, do differ as much as do their Stomachs. And + therefore Married People are not so much to blame in making use of others + besides their Wives or Husbands; provided that they take that Prudent + Care and Circumspection which is so requisite in such affairs. And + because <i>Madam</i>, you are yet but a Beginner, and may perhaps be + startled at this Doctrine, I'll let you see 'tis not my single Notion, + but is the Judgment of a Learned Author, who long ago has written on this + Subject, a Choice Copy of Verses, which I'll here repeat to you. He + Entitles it,</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Upon Love fondly Refused for Conscience sake.</i></p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Nature, Creations law, is judg'd by Sense,</p> + <p class="i2">Not by the Tyrant Conscience;</p> + <p>Then our Commission gives us leave to do</p> + <p class="i2">What Youth and Pleasure Prompt us to:</p> + <p>For we must question else Heav'ns great Decree,</p> + <p class="i2">And tax it with a Treachery;</p> + <p>If things made sweet to attempt our Appetite,</p> + <p class="i2">Should with a guilt Stain the Delight.</p> + <p>High'r Pow'rs rule us, our Selves can nothing do,</p> + <p class="i2">Who made us Love, hath made Love lawful too.</p> + <p>It was not Love, but Love transform'd to Vice,</p> + <p class="i2">Ravish'd by Envious Avarice,</p> + <p>Made Woman first Impropriate; all were free;</p> + <p class="i2">Inclosures Mens Inventions be.</p> + <p>I'th Golden Age, no Action cou'd be found</p> + <p class="i2">For Trespass on my Neighbour's ground:</p> + <p>'Twas just, with any Fair to mix our Blood;</p> + <p class="i2">The best is most diffusive Good.</p> + <p>She that confines her Beams to one Mans sight,</p> + <p class="i2">Is a Dark Lanthorn to a Shining Light.</p> + <p>Say, Does the Virgin Spring less Chaste appear,</p> + <p class="i2">'Cause many Thirsts are quenched there?</p> + <p>Or have you not with the same Odours met,</p> + <p class="i2">When more then One have smelt your Violet</p> + <p>The <i>Phœnix</i> is not angry at her nest,</p> + <p class="i2">'Cause her Perfumes makes others Blest:</p> + <p>Tho' Incense to th' Immortal Gods be meant,</p> + <p class="i2">Yet Mortals rival in the Scent.</p> + <p>Man is the Lord of Creatures; yet we see</p> + <p class="i2">That all his Vassals Loves are free;</p> + <p>The severe Wedlock-Fetters do not bind</p> + <p class="i2">The Pard's inflam'd and Am'rous Mind,</p> + <p>But that he may be like a Bridegroom led</p> + <p class="i2">Ev'n to the Royal Lion's Bed.</p> + <p>The Birds made for a Year their Loves Confine,</p> + <p class="i2">But make new Choice each Valentine.</p> + <p>If our Affections then more servile be</p> + <p class="i2">Than are our Slaves, where's Mans Sov'raignity?</p> + <p>Why then by pleasing more, should you less please,</p> + <p class="i2">And spare your sweets, being more sweet than these?</p> + <p>If the fresh Trunk have Sap enough to give,</p> + <p class="i2">That each insertive Branch may live;</p> + <p>The Gardner grafts not only <i>Apples</i> there,</p> + <p class="i2">But adds the <i>Warden</i> and the <i>Pear</i>;</p> + <p>The <i>Peach</i> and <i>Apricock</i> together grow,</p> + <p class="i2">The <i>Cherry</i> and the <i>Damson</i> too;</p> + <p>Till he hath made, by Skilful Husbandry,</p> + <p class="i2">An intire <i>Orchard</i> of one Tree.</p> + <p>So least our <i>Paradise</i> Perfection want,</p> + <p class="i2">We may inoculate and plant.</p> + <p>What's Conscience, but a Beldams Midnight Theam;</p> + <p class="i2">Or Nodding Nurses idle Dream?</p> + <p>So feign'd as are the <i>Goblins</i>, <i>Elves</i> and <i>Fairies</i>,</p> + <p class="i2">To watch their <i>Orchard's</i> and their <i>Daries</i>.</p> + <p>For who can tell when first her Reign begun?</p> + <p class="i2">I'th' State of Innocence was none:</p> + <p>And since large Conscience (as the Proverb shows)</p> + <p class="i2">In the same sense as bad one goes;</p> + <p>The Less, the Better then; whence this will fall,</p> + <p class="i2">He's perfect that hath none at all.</p> + <p>Suppose it be a Vertue rich and pure;</p> + <p class="i2">'Tis not for <i>Spring</i> or <i>Summer</i> sure;</p> + <p>Nor yet for <i>Autumn</i>; Love must have his Prime,</p> + <p class="i2">His Warmer Hearts, and Harvest time.</p> + <p>Till we have flourish'd, grown, & reap'd our Wishes.</p> + <p class="i2">What Conscience dares oppose our Kisses?</p> + <p>But when Time's colder hand leades us near home</p> + <p class="i2">Then let that <i>Winter-Vertue</i> come:</p> + <p>Frost is till then Prodigious; We may do</p> + <p class="i2">What Youth, and Pleasure Prompts us to.</p> + </div> + </div> + <p>When the Bawd had made an end of Repeating her Verses, the Goldsmith's + Lady told her they were very Ingenious and Diverting Lines, and that she + had oblig'd her extreamly by repeating them. And then pray'd her to go on + with her Discourse which she lik'd very well. Upon which the Bawd thus + proceeded.</p> + + <p>I think Madam, I have said enough to justify both Sexes, in the + gratifying of their Amorous Desires, tho' they be married; for 'tis not + strange at all to hear that Men and Women have been married, and yet have + been uncapable of answering the Ends of Marriage, or satisfying the + Delights of <i>Venus</i>. It is not long since I was told of a young + pretty Virgin that happen'd to be married to a Man who was deficient in + his Virility, which the poor thing (being asham'd to speak on't and not + knowing any other Remedy) laid so to heart, in a short time it kill'd + her: But had I been acquainted with her, I could have helpt her to a + brisk young Man, one that had given proof of his Sufficiency, which + shou'd have eas'd her pain, and sav'd her Life. And therefore, Madam, + since married Persons may stand so much in need of my assistance, and + much more may they that are unmarried, who doubtless have the same + desires that married People have: Nay, their Desires are generally more + impetuous; for finding of their Natural Concupiscence stirring 'em up to + a desire of Copulation, they apprehend that there's more in't then what + they find, when once they come to try. And these things, Madam, in + <i>Italy</i> (as I have heard by several) are so common, that 'tis scarce + thought a Crime: Or, if it be, 'tis but a venial one, as all the Devout + Doctors of the <i>Roman-Church</i>, (nay, and the <i>Pope</i> himself) + assures us: And therefore Madam, to deal freely with you, I have long + since declar'd my self a <i>Roman Catholick</i>, for that Religion + allowes us the most Pleasure while we live, and promises us Heaven when + we die. And having thus given you an Account both of my Calling and + Religion; I come now to Perform my promise, in giving you the History of + my Life.</p> + + <p>The Place of my Nativity was the Imperial Chamber of <i>Great + Brittain</i>; my Father being an Haberdasher of small Wares; and had as + much to do as most Men of that Calling; And whilst he liv'd, he gave me + all that Education that the most Wealthy Citizens bestow upon their + Daughters, he keeping me at Board at <i>Hackney-School</i>. And when + grown up to Marriageable years I wanted not for store of Sweethearts, and + some of them of very good Estates: and yet my Father thought none good + enough. But he being one that was a great and zealous Stickler for the + Parliament in opposition to the King, and thinking that <i>Charles + Stuart</i> (as then they call'd King <i>Charles</i> the Second), would + never be Restor'd, laid out his Money in Purchasing of Crown-Lands, + having (as he thought) got a mighty Peniworth: But <i>Oliver</i> being + dead, and <i>Charles</i> the Second coming in, all his Estate was lost; + and he forc'd to abscond; the grief of which soon after broke his heart. + My Father being dead, and his Estate lost by the Kings Restauration, my + Mother quickly took me from the Boarding-School; and those whom I had + scorn'd before, begun now to scorn me as much; my hopes of a good Portion + being gone, my Sweet hearts quickly Vanish'd; but being a Young Maid and + pretty handsome, an old rich Batchelor that had a kindness for me in my + Father's Life-time, (whom both my Father and myself had then deny'd) + thinking that in this Ebb of Fortune he might be more Successful in his + Suit, again made his Addresses to me; and tho' I had as great an + Aversation to him then as ever, yet he was mightily Encourag'd by my + Mother; who thought in our decclining State, he might support our Family: + And therefore she not only shew'd him all the Countenance he cou'd + desire, her self, (for whom indeed he wou'd have been a fitter Match) but + also charg'd me likewise to receive him well, for he must be my Husband. + And when I told her I cou'd'nt love him, she call'd me Fool, saying, I + shou'd Marry him first, and love him afterwards: And when I farther + objected our Disparity in Age she answer'd with another Musty Proverb, + <i>That 'twas good taking Shelter under an old Hedge</i>; and that it was + far better being an Old Mans Darling, then a Young Mans Worldling: And + tho' this didn't Satisfie me, yet I soon found I must have him or none; + For having been brought up too high to make a working Tradesmans Wife, + that Portion now was gone that should have helpt me to a better Husband. + And therefore making a vertue of Necessity, I began to be more + Complaisant to my Inamorato then I had been formerly; which quickly won + his heart to that degree, that in a short time after we were + married—And tho the first Night that I went to Bed with him, I was + a Maid, and so knew nothing of that which a new Married couple ought to + do, more then what Nature dictated; yet I then thought he went about his + Business like a Fumbler, and did that little which he did, at such a + rate, it had almost as good have been let alone; for what he did, serv'd + only to stir up in me greater Desire for what he couldn't do. I found the + exercise he offer'd at, had something in it that was very pleasing, which + in the heighth of the Encounter I was disappointed in. And I must own, + that I found this a very sensible Affliction, and caus'd in me a greater + Aversion to my Husband than I had before: And therefore I resolv'd to try + what those venereal Recreations were; I had but an imperfect Taste of, as + soon as I could get an opportunity.</p> + + <p>Nor did I wait long before my good Fortune put one in my hand; For my + Husband's Prentice, a handsome brisk young Man (who had but about two + years time to serve) I had observ'd was very sweet upon my Maid, who was + handsome enough; and having observed that he courted her, I used to watch + them, and by that means knew both the time and place of their Courtship; + where they used to spend some hours in an Evening when the shop was shut, + according as they could find opportunity. By my listening and + over-hearing their Amorous Discourse, I perceiv'd he solicited her hard + for her last Favours, which she would not consent to; and being resolved + to improve this opportunity to the accomplishing my own Desires, having + over-heard 'em make their next appointment, when the time drew near, I + call'd my Chambermaid down (for she it was that the Prentice courted) and + sent her of an Errand at a considerable distance, that she could not be + back in two hours time, taking care to see her out of doors my self by a + back pair of Stairs, so that I knew the Prentice cou'd know nothing of + her being abroad, my Husband very fortunately being absent likewise, I + went to the place of meeting my self; and the young couple being + accustomed to converse without any Light, as being unwilling to be + discovered, I seated my self where my Chambermaid used to do; and the + Apprentice coming as usual, came up to me, and caress'd me; whereupon I + clap'd my Hand upon his Mouth, as a signal of his being silent, and then + embrac'd him very tenderly; and he being extasy'd with this soft + Entertainment, which was very pleasing to him, he was so far blinded with + his Passion, that he made no farther search, but imagining that his Sweet + heart was now come to his Terms he push'd on his design, and met with + such a compliance from me which he did not so easily expect; and I must + say, That I had not till that Time tasted the delights of Love: For he + manag'd his Business with so much Briskness and Vigour, that I was very + much pleas'd with the Encounter. When we had both performd our Parts to + equal Satisfaction; I caught him about the middle, and told him he shou'd + not go, till I knew who he was; for I made him believe I knew him not, + and first thought it was my Husband, but happened now too late to find + the contrary. My Spark at this was much surpriz'd, and his Amorous + Passion exchang'd into Fear; and therefore begging of my Pardon, he told + me he took me for the Chambermaid, and desir'd I wou'd conceal what had + happen'd, and not ruine him. Well, well, said I, I'll keep your secret; + but it shall be on this condition, that you think no more on the + Chamber-Maid; and get you to Bed forthwith, otherwise it will be worse + for you. And this I enjoyn'd him, lest he should have told the Maid. My + Spark was very thankful that I suffer'd him to come off so well, and + accordingly went to Bed. The next Morning I paid my Maid her Wage, and + turn'd her off, not letting her so much as bid her Lover adieu. After + which my young Spark and I us'd to have frequent Rencounters, to each + others mutual Satisfaction: And I us'd to supply him with Money for his + Pocket Expences, furnishing him always with what he wanted; until at last + our kindness for each other was taken Notice of by my Husband; who not + being willing to have a Publick Talk made of it, gave him up his + Indentures when he had a year and a Quarter to serve.</p> + + <p>This was a very sensible Trouble to me; for having been used to those + Delights which my Youth and high-feeding requir'd for about three + Quarters of a Year, it became very irksome to me to be abridged of 'em. + And my Husband being grown Jealous of me, by the familiarity he had + observ'd me to have with his Man, after he had turn'd him off, as I have + related, gave me this Gentle Reproof:</p> + + <p>Wife, <i>you cannot but be sensible that your Familiarity with your + Man is become a Town-Talk; I have done what I can to prevent it, by + turning him away; but if you don't mend your Manners, and Reform your + Life, all that I can say, will be to no purpose. I am afraid you han't + been Innocent in this matter: But since what is past cann't be recall'd', + I will say no more of that; but I expect for the time to come that you + avoid both his and all other suspicious Company: You know I took you + without a Portion at a time when your Family was fallen to decay; and I + maintain you as well as any Citizens Wife in London; and for you to + requite me with being false to my Bed, is not only to be very Dishonest, + but highly Ingrateful. And therefore as you expect the Continuance of my + Love, pray let me find a Reformation of your Manners</i>.</p> + + <p>To this I answer'd him, <i>That 'twas possible that a Free and affable + Temper, as mine was, might give too much occasion to those that had no + kindness for me, to speak evil of me: And that if to be accus'd, was + enough to make one Guilty, it was impossible for any to be Innocent. + However, since the Freedom I had us'd had given such occasion of offence, + I wou'd take care for the future to walk more Circumspectly, and be more + Reserv'd</i>. With this promise, my Husband was very well satisfy'd, and + thereupon Embrac'd me very tenderly.</p> + + <p>But all this was only like the raking of a few Ashes over live Coals, + which in a little time break forth again, and burn more violently. My + Husband's Impotency being now about Seventy, grew daily more upon him; + and my desires after that due Benevolence he could not give me, still + increas'd, so that what he cou'd not do for me, I was under a necessity + of getting done elsewhere, And knew no other Person to whom I cou'd + repair for a Supply, but he who had so often done it to my own content + before: To him therefore I found means to send a Letter, appointing him + to meet me at such a Place and Time, which he accordingly did, and there + we had that mutual Enjoyment which we both desir'd: And tho' we met thus + several times, it was with so much Caution, for fear of a Discovery, that + we were often forc'd to change both Time and Place, and take new + measures.</p> + + <p>One Night above the rest, when I was sure he was engag'd to stay late + at the Tavern, I had obliged my Spark to give me a meeting at our House; + and had on that Occasion, sent all the servants up to Bed, upon pretence + that they must must rise early in the Morning. When they were gone to + bed, and all was sure, my Servant enter'd, with all imaginable Privicy + and Caution; and then, without much Ceremony, enter'd upon those melting + Joys we both so eagerly desir'd, Which we had hardly finish'd, before my + Husband (who had dispatched his Business quicker than we had done) knocks + at the door; which I no sooner heard, but springing from the Arms of my + affrighted Gallant, I took a Sheet out of the Chest of Drawers in the + Chamber, and tying it with a Copped Crown upon his Head, I made him look + methought just like some Fornicator, a going to do Pennance in a Parish + Church, and then turning him into the next Room, I bid him, if my Husband + came in thither, (who was a very timerous Man, and almost trembled at the + Talk of Spirits) to Counterfeit a Ghost, by which means I wou'd quickly + use a Stratagem which shou'd Relieve him without Danger. And as soon as + he had put himself into a Suitable Posture, and Plac'd himself in a + convenient Corner to play the Devil with my Husband, (in case the Cuckold + should come into the Room which he had taken for his Sanctuary) I fram'd + a Counterfeit Smile, and let in my Husband; whom I received with very + kind words, and gave him a dissembling Kiss or two; and then putting on + his Flannel Night Cap, and fetching him his Slippers, which he put on, we + went up Stairs together; In the mean time, the Ghost had found a piece of + Whiting; which the Maid happen'd to lay there to make the Chimney fire + next morning; and this he takes and breaks to pieces, and daubs his Face + all over with it, that he then look'd more pale than Death itself; + insomuch that even I was almost startled at the first glympse of him. + Before my Husband went to bed, he always went into the Dining-Rome to + Prayer; which I appear'd as forward for as he, and presently brought him + a Cushion, upon which he kneels down, and falls a Praying; not as yet + seeing the Ghost: But as he was at Prayer, my Spark endeavouring to get + the Weather-Gage of him, that is, the Door: my husband chanc'd to spy + him, which so disord'd and affrighted him, that he was ready to sink + down. Before he spy'd him, he was praying thus. <i>Thou know'st Lord, + there are wicked people in the World, and some of them have wrong'd me + very much, but Lord, I hope thou wilt be even with 'em, and let 'em have + no rest till they acknowledge it, and make me Satisfaction for all that + wrong they have</i>—(then seeing the Counterfeit Ghost, he forgot + his Prayer, and cry'd) <i>O Lord, O Lord! What's this? What's this? O + Lord! O Lord!</i>—and then rises up, and makes towards the Door, + which the Ghost seeing beckens him; at which he cries <i>I won't, I + won't, I won't!</i> In the mean time, tho' I knew what the matter was, I + run to him, and cry'd, Dear Husband what's the matter? As if I had been + frighted; and went to hold him; but he struggled to get from me, crying + out <i>The Devil! The Devil! The Devil!</i> Where, where, said I? I see + nothing, O <i>'tis yonder, 'tis yonder, 'tis yonder</i>, says he! See + how it stares and beckens to me I see nothing, not I, says I: And with + that, the Ghost came nearer us; at which my Husband run into the Bed + Chamber, and I after him; and shut the Door to us. By which means my + Spark had an opportunity to go out without Discovery. My Husband + immediately got into Bed, and cover'd himself over Head and Ears, and + then thought he was pretty safe, and charged me presently to put the + Candle out: Which I obey'd, and straight went to Bed to him; being well + pleas'd I had so cleverly brought off my Lover.</p> + + <p>The next Morning, I ask'd my Husband what the matter was that made him + so extreamly discompos'd last Night: Why, says he, did you see nothing + last Night? Not I, said I, but only you dissorder'd as you were praying: + O Love, said he, I saw Death coming towards me as plain as I see you; and + I believe I shan't trouble you long; for Death held up his hand and + beckon'd to me several times: 'Tis nothing but your Fancy sure, said I, + for I saw nothing, 'Tis certain true as you are there: And that you cou'd + not see it, makes it more Evident that Death came only unto me. But how + do you know, said I, that it was Death, if you did see something? Know! + says he, why I knew it very well, and if you'd seen it you'd a said of it + as I do: For never any thing look'd more pale in the World. The very + thoughts of it frightens me still—Besides the kindness that + contrivance did me to make way for my Gallant's escape that time, 'twas + very serviceable to me afterwards; for the Remembrance of the Ghost was + always so fresh in my Husbands memory, that he wou'd never venture into + the Room again by Candle-Light. So that my Love and I had other + Assignations afterwards: and if my Husband happened to come home before + he went, it was but putting him into the Dining-Room and he was safe + enough, for I was sure my Husband never wou'd come there.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus I advantage of his Weakness made,</i></p> + <p><i>Who was by Fear to Cuckoldome betray'd</i></p> + <p><i>And upon all Occurrences, I still</i></p> + <p><i>Contriv'd to blind his Eyes, and Act my Will:</i></p> + <p><i>For those in their Design will often fail.</i></p> + <p><i>That know not how with ev'ry Wind to sail.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p>But after some time my Gallant fell Sick, and in the midst of his + Sickness, he was very much troubled with Qualms of Conscience for his + Sins, and had no more Wit and Honesty but to send me a Letter to acquaint + me with it, and to exhort me to repent; Which Letter my Husband happening + to receive, all our Intrigues were thereby discover'd; which made my + Husband absolutely relinquish me; and turn me out of Doors with much + Disgrace. Which yet could not at all reclaim me, for by my Husband's + exposing me, I was past shame, and car'd not what I did: But being in a + very good Garb, and having some Money, I took me Lodgings, and walk'd the + Streets at a Night, picking up whom I cou'd get.</p> + + <p>Once I remember going along <i>Cheapside</i>, late at Night, a Citizen + in a very good Garb, coming up to me, Madam, said he, will you accept of + a Glass of <i>Canary</i>? I thank'd him, and went with him to the + <i>Bull-head</i> Tavern; where he call'd for a Bottle of the best + <i>Canary</i>; which being brought, after two or three Glasses a piece, + and as many more Kisses, he began to take up my <i>Petticoats</i>; and I + seeming a little coy, putting of 'em down, he grew more eager; and was + for a little diversion upon the Tavern Chairs; and whilst he was eager in + finishing what he was about, I began to dive into his Fob, which I found + well furnished with Guineas, besides a Gold-Watch, which I took out, and + look'd upon it, and put it up into his Pocket again very carefully; and + this I so often repeated, telling him I was a Person of Quality, and that + what I did, with respect to the Liberty I allow'd him, was only for the + Gratification of my Youthful Fancy, and as for any thing of filthy Lucre, + or bring a mercenary Creature, I did both scorn it, and was much above + it: All this by the Richness of my Garb, he was apt enough to believe; + and therefore was the less upon his Guard; but I beginning now to be + reduc'd, (not having my Husband's Bag's to go to, as I us'd to have) + thought he ought also to pay for the Pleasure he receiv'd from me, as + well as I formerly us'd to pay my Gallant for the Pleasure I receiv'd + from him; and therefore taking Twenty Guineas out of his Pockets, and + telling them before his Face, I pretended to put them all in again; but + had cunningly convey'd them into my own Pocket, and told twenty mill'd + Shillings into his; and also taking out his Watch again, as I had done + several times before, I convey'd the Watch into my own Pocket, and the + Case only into his: As we were just a parting, that I might come off with + more Credit, I bid him feel in's Pocket, and see he had his Watch and all + his Guineas; and clapping of his hand upon his Thigh, and feeling the + Case, he said he had: I further ask'd him if he had all his Guineas, and + bid him tell 'em; and he putting his hand in's Fob he told twenty, (which + he took for Guineas, his Silver being in another Fob) and told me I was + very honest, he was sure he'd all; and then desir'd to know my Name and + where my Lodgings were; that he might wait upon me some other time, and + have the like enjoyment; which I seem'd to desire as much as he, greatly + commending his performances (tho' to speak Truth, his Will was better far + than his Ability, and his Gold Watch and Guineas much exceeded either, + for he was one of them which we call Antiquated Whoremasters) and so to + satisfie him, I gave him such Directions as sent him to the other End + o'th' Town, to seek a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Thus the Rich Cuff of's Gold and Watch was Chous'd:</i></p> + <p><i>Whilst I therewith in Racy Wine Carous'd</i></p> + <p><i>'Tis fitting that such Dablers shou'd be caught</i></p> + <p><i>And by their Losses to Repentance brought:</i></p> + <p><i>Who will not say I serv'd him in his Kind?</i></p> + <p><i>For he had that to which he had most mind.</i></p> + <p><i>And since his Watch has left its empty Place,</i></p> + <p><i>I leave, him to bemoan his own light Case.</i></p> + <p><i>For he may now by dear Experience say,</i></p> + <p><i>Time oftentimes unknown will Slip away.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p>The next Week after this, I was pick'd up by a brisk Spark, who + likewise had me to the Tavern, and seeing me in a rich Garb, (and tho' I + say it, tolerably handsome then) was very civil to me, and treated me + with much respect, giving me a good Dish of Fish for Supper, which with + good Store of Wine, serv'd as a fit Provocative for that which follow'd + after. But before we began those Pleasures to which the Treat was but an + Introduction, he flung me down a Guinea, and told me he design'd that for + a pair of Gloves for me; which when I seem'd unwilling to accept of, as + looking somewhat mercenary; No, Madam, says he, this is what I freel'y + offer, and cann't therefore be thought mercenary: But now you talk of + that, I'll tell you a good Jest was put last Week upon a Friend of mine, + a <i>Linnen-Draper</i>, who 'tho he'd so much Holland of his own, wou'd + needs be taking up of other Folk's. For this old Cuckold-Maker being got + Fluster'd, and something late out one Night the last Week, picks up a + Gentlewoman and has her to the Tavern—(and so repeated the whole + Story I before have told you, Madam; with this addition, which but for + him I never shou'd have known). That when the old Fornicator was come + home, he had a severe Lecture from his disgruntl'd Lady, who told him he + had either been asleep or worse; for that it was near two a Clock. But + the old Cuss thinking to pacifie her Anger by convincing her it wan't so + late, wou'd needs go look upon his Watch; but quickly finding that altho' + the Nest was there, the Bird was flown, put up the Case again, with only + saying, <i>Good lack a day! How strangely time will slip away in Company, + before a Man's aware!</i> But the next Morning being to pay a Merchants + Man a Bill for a small parcel of <i>Hambrough-Cloth</i> that came to 22 + Guineas, and his Cashier going to reach the Money, he put his hand into + his Fob, <i>Hold</i> (says he to his Man) <i>I have Twenty Guineas here, + and I can make them up in Silver</i>, and so flings his Supposed Guineas + down upon the Counter; But was exceedingly surpriz'd to see that they had + lost their Colour, and were all White instead of Yellow. However at the + present he stifled his Resentments, and told his man that he must fetch + the Money out of the Till, for he remember'd now he had paid away all his + Guineas. Presently after which, (says my Gallant, that told the Story to + me) he came to me, and I perceiving him extreamly out of humour, ask'd + what the matter was? <i>Never was Man</i>, says he, <i>so Trick'd as I + have been last Night. For being out somewhat late</i>, says he, <i>and + somewhat Fluster'd, I pick'd up a small Girl, which I thought was the + honestest that ever I met with, but she has prov'd the veriest Jilt that + e'er I had to do with, and Trick'd me out of a Gold Watch and Twenty + Guineas.</i> And then, said he, related all that I have told you; and bid + me besure to have a care of them that wou'd pretend they were not + mercenary, for they'll be trebly paid for what they do. But you, Madam, + said he to me, look like a Gentlewoman above such shifts as those. If you + respect me, Sir, said I, you have the Remedy in your own hands; and + therefore if you please I will withdraw. No, Madam, by no means, says he, + I only told you this Story to divert you, Madam: In short, we soon + agreed; for he was much a Gentleman, and perform'd what he undertook to + my great Satisfaction; and I (or else he flatter'd me) gave him as much + content.</p> + + <p>But 'twas not always I had such good Luck, for not long after, I met + with one, who tho' he appear'd very well to sight, gave me more than I + car'd for; and more than I cou'd rid my self on for a great while after. + 'Twas then, Madam, by taking <i>Mercury</i>, and using Salivations, to be + rid of that unwelcome Guest, the Pox, that I lost all that Beauty which I + once cou'd boast of. And then, as one misfortune seldom comes alone, my + Husband, whilst I was in this condition, dy'd; who while he liv'd, + allow'd me some small Maintenance; but hearing on his Death-Bed the + Misfortune that had then befallen me, he became so exasperated against + me, he only left me Twenty Shillings to buy a Coffin for me, as thinking + I shou'd ne'er Recover; whereas before, as I have since been told by the + Executors, he design'd at least a hundred Pounds for me.</p> + + <p>The great Expences of my Sickness (which had besides made me unfit for + Business) had brought me pretty low; and I was now quite destitute of any + other way to help my self but the old Trade of Whoring; and yet I was + afraid of being now a Common Night-walker, lest I shou'd meet with such + another Job as I had met withal before; which wou'd have ruin'd me to all + Intents and Purposes: But by a Friend of mine, that had been a + Well-wisher to the calling, I was advis'd, as much the safer way, to list + my self as a Retainer to a Private <i>Vaulting School</i>; where I was + told (and indeed found it so) that there were none admitted but what were + Sound and Tight. To this, altho the Gains to me was less, yet since there + was less hazard of the Pox, I thought it best to hire my self: And this + Madam, was such a House as now I keep my self. Where we don't only take + special care, that none but what are free from all Distempers be + admitted; but likewise have Surgeons and Apothecaries with whom we are in + Fee, who, if we but suspect the least miscarriage, straight give us + something that may carry't off.</p> + + <p>Here I continued for some time: and tho I say't, behav'd my self so + well, that I was prefer'd to the best Gentlemen; for tho, my Natural + Beauty had been much decay'd, yet I by Art so patch'd it up again, that I + by my good Management, pass'd for a Maid at first to all that didn't know + me: And besides what my Mistress got, I am sure I had ten Guineas given + me by an Esquire for parting with my Maiden-head; which I had parted with + many years past; and yet I sold it to new Customers several times + after.</p> + + <p>During the time that I was in this Station, I met with several odd + Adventures; some of which I shall briefly give you an account of.</p> + + <p>Having been one day abroad, my Mistress desired me to call at the + <i>Carriers</i>, to see if there was any young Country-Lasses come to + Town (for our calling is not to be carried on to advantage without now + and then having fresh Goods) I went to that purpose to <i>Bosom's + Inn</i>; and had that day drest up my self like a Country-Lass that I + might with the less difficulty engage 'em. But when I came thither, I + found there was none: While I was asking the <i>Carrier</i> when I might + expect any, I saw a couple of young Gentlemen standing near me, as if + they had some Business with the <i>Carrier</i> when I had done; which + occasion'd me to make the more haste: As soon as I had left the + <i>Carrier</i> and was come away, before I was got into <i>St. Lawrence + Lane</i>, they over-took me, and ask'd me if I was not a + <i>Lancashire</i> Maid? I told 'em Yes; being resolv'd to know what their + design was. Then they ask'd me what part of <i>Lancashire</i>? I told 'em + <i>Preston</i>; for I was acquainted with the Names of the chief Towns + there. They then desired me to go and take part of a Glass of Wine with + them; which I at first seem'd to scruple, but being more importunately + urg'd, I was easily perswaded. And so went to the <i>Feathers-Tavern</i> + near <i>Queenstreet</i> Corner in <i>Cheapside</i>; where a Glass of + <i>Canary</i> being call'd for, one of 'em drank to me, and I drank to + the other. After which one of 'em came pretty close up to me, and would + needs have been feeling where I was'nt willing to let him, whereupon I + told him he was very uncivil to invite one that was a Stranger to a + Tavern; and then to offer any such thing to her. Let her alone says the + other, I believe she's but new come out of the Countrey, and does not + understand the way of the Town: Pray, Sweet-heart, says he, addressing + himself to me, How long have you been in Town? Ever since last + <i>Fryday</i>, said I: But pray, why do ye ask? To be plain with ye, says + he, This young Man and my self have a Request to you, which if you grant, + may be for your Advantage as long as you live: Pray, Sir, said I what's + that? Why, says he, we are both Apprentices in one House, at a <i>Linnen + drapers</i> in <i>Cornhill</i>? (but 'tis no Matter for that, for you + don't know Places yet) and we have a mind to keep a young Woman between + us; and we wou'd willingly have a Countrey-Maid, that is'nt much + acquainted with the Town; and if you please, you shall be she. I + presently smoaked their design, but behav'd my self as ignorantly as I + cou'd on purpose, because I found there was something to be got by 'em. + So I reply'd, Withal my heart, Sir, if we can agree, for I want a good + Service. Well, says the other Spark that wou'd have been so forward with + me, We shan't disagree, I dare say. What Wages do you ask? Why Sir, says + I, I have liv'd in good Gentlemens Houses in <i>Lancashire</i>; and I + think I deserve Four pounds a Year. Well, well, says the other we shall + give you Four times Four pounds a year and more: But then you must do + what we'd have you. Yes, said I, I shall be willing to do what you'd have + me, if you please to tell me what it is: Why said he, your Business will + be Easie enough, and pleasant enough: For we intend to take a very good + Lodging for you, and provide you with all things necessary; and your + Business shall only be to lie with one of us one Night, and the other + another. The chief thing we shall desire of you, is only to keep your + self entirely to us, and not stir out without our Approbation. And for + other things you shall have what you will, and be maintain'd like a + Gentlewoman; For we'll maintain you; and the Money you shall have, shall + be for your own Occasions, and to find you New Cloths. <i>Well, Sir, says + I, for such things we shou'd not differ; but we in the Country think 'tis + a Wicked thing to lye with Folks, unless they be Married; and then they + mun be married but to one nother: And so that mun not be, Sir.</i> I know + not what you do in the Country, <i>says one of the Sparks</i>, but here + in <i>London</i> 'tis as common as Washing of Dishes. And People of the + best Quality do it. Look ye, <i>continued he</i>, to Encourage you, we + will give you Thirty Pounds a Year: And Maintain you besides. We cou'd + have enow in Town to serve us, and thank you too; but we look upon you to + be an Innocent Country Maid, and for that reason we had rather have you + than another: Are you sure you are a Maid, <i>said the other</i>? + <i>Sure!</i> said I? <i>Yes, I think I am.</i> Yes, yes, <i>said the + other</i>, I believe she is: <i>But I believe</i>, said I, <i>You but + taak'n all this while, for no Body mun do such things.</i> No, I'll + assure you, <i>says the more serious of the two</i>, We are in Earnest; + and we'll pay you down half your Money, fifteen Pounds now, to put your + self in a good Garb, fit for a Gentleman's Mistress. <i>But what mun I do + for't</i>, said I? <i>Let's agree upon that first. You shall be Mistress + to us both</i>, said they: <i>And let one of us lye with you one time, + and the other another: And we'll now go along with you, and take a + Lodging for you; and you shall go under the Notion of our </i>Sister<i>, + and we will be your </i>Brothers<i>; And so no Notice shall be taken of + it.</i>—<i>But not to trouble you longer, </i>Madam<i>, with the + Particulars, we at last agreed the matter; and I had fifteen Pounds paid + me down for half a Years Pay: And my two Sparks cast Lots, to decide the + Important Controversie of who should lie with me first: And it happened + to him that was the most Civil of the Two; And he was to tarry with me + till Ten a Clock at Night, at my New Lodgings, and then to go home, for + he cou'd not stay all Night. So to it we went, and I gave him all the + Satisfaction he desir'd; counterfeiting the matter so well, that he was + mightily pleased with the Enjoyment he had: And went home very well + satisify'd; telling me, he wou'd acquaint his fellow-Prentice that was to + come the next Night, that he had found me all Love and Charms. And so + took his Leave of me.</i></p> + + <p>When my young Gallant was gone, I began to consider that I had all I + was like to have of 'em: and that one Fool was enough to be troubled + with; and since they had paid me but one half of my Salary, and for that + one of 'em had enjoy'd me, & had what he wanted, I tho' we were + pretty even. And so getting up Early the next Morning, I left at once my + Lodgings and Gallants. And at night when the other came, (as without + Doubt he did instead of Meeting with me,) I left him this Note in the + Key-hole,</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>For your small Stipend, I'll ne'er liv in Goal,</i></p> + <p><i>Go seek a Trull that can divide her Tayl:</i></p> + <p><i>One half I've Pleas'd, I one half am Paid:</i></p> + <p><i>Had I got all, I shou'd have longer Staid.</i></p> + <p><i>And yet you cann't say I was Ungenteel,</i></p> + <p><i>For I let one </i>Kiss<i> and the other </i>Feel<i>.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p>How pleas'd the disappointed Fop was with my Poetry, I know not; for I + ne'er went again to my New Lodging to enquire after 'em.</p> + + <p><i>Well</i>, said the Goldsmiths Lady, <i>I ne'er heard of a prettier + Intrigue before and I dare say you serv'd 'em very handsomely.—But + pray proceed</i>.</p> + + <p>Another time, I serv'd a Goldsmith's Prentice a pretty Trick; For + having been abroad about some business, and coming home i'th' evening, a + young Spark, exceeding Beauish, (with a New Modish Suit of Cloaths on) + that had been drinking hard all Day, would need be picking of me up, when + I did'nt at all intend it. But seeing him so earnest for a Bout, that I + cou'd'nt get rid of him, I had him to a House I was acquainted with by + th' way, and there after a heartening Cup or two, and having handled his + Posteriours, to see he didn't put a Trick upon me, I let him have what he + so eagerly desir'd; and diving into his Pockets i'th' mean while, I found + he had but one poor single Shilling left; which vext me so, that I + resolv'd I wou'd be even with him another way; and therefore when he had + done what he'd a mind to do, I presently call'd briskly for a fresh + Bottle of the Best, which whilst we were drinking, I said <i>Well, Spark, + as a Reward for your excellent Performance, which has been beyond my + Expectation, and shew'd you to be a good Womans Man, I will divert you + with an Entertainment worth your Seeing. Come, it shall cost you nothing; + only I must beg the Favour of you to unrig, and lend me your Cloaths for + half an hour; and I will bring you a Mant and Petticoat to wear the + while; and you shall see a Jolly Crew of Active Dames, which will perform + such Leacherous Agilities as will stir you up to take the other Touch, + and far out-vie whatever has been either done, or related to be done, by + Madam </i>Creswel<i>, Posture </i>Moll<i>, the Countess of + </i>Alsatia<i>, or any other German Rope-dancer whatever.</i> The Spark + was extreamly tickled with the Fancy, and presently uncas'd himself; and + gave me all his Bravery, and was so over-forward, that he not only gave + me his Cloaths, but his Rings, Cane, and Hat, and Wig; so that he left + hinself nothing but his Shirt and his Stockings; and the Mistress of the + House being my Friend, I borrowed of her an old Mant and Petty-coat; + which the Fool of a Fop put on. I told him I must intreat his Patience + for half an hours time, till the Company was Drest, and so went down + Stairs; and telling of my Friend how it went, and we being to go half + Snips in the Booty, I went off with the things, which I pawn'd for about + four Pounds, keeping his Rings to my self, and left my Landlady to manage + the rest. After the Disrobed Spark had waited for the space of an hour + with great Petience, and longing Expectation, for this Comical Show, and + no Body came at him, his Patience was quite tir'd, and therefore knocking + with his foot, the Maid of the House came up, of whom he enquired for + such a Person, as well as he could, describing me. The Maid pretended an + intire Ignorance of the matter, and so whipp'd down Stairs again. But he + knocking again, up comes the Mistress, who seeming to take him for a + Woman, ask'd him, <i>What he would have?</i> He answer'd, <i>Such a Woman + to whom he'd lent his Cloaths</i>; but she not only made her self + Ignorant of the matter, but call'd him <i>Bitch, Whore, Cheat, + Pick-Pocket</i>, and all to nought, concluding her Harmonious Harrangue + in this manner, <i>Ye dirty Drab, don't think to put your Cheats upon me: + You came in here with a Spruce Young Man, and for ought I know you have + Pick'd his Pocket, and sent him away, and now you go about to Cheat me of + my Reckoning; but that shan't do ye </i>Whore<i>, for I'll have my + Reckoning quickly, or else I'll Strip your Gown off your Arse</i>; but + the poor Rogue having no Money to pay, she forthwith stript him of his + Mant: And thus half Naked, in a Petticoat slit up to the Breeches; an old + broken pair of Stays, and a few Ragged Head-Cloaths, he was kick'd down + Stairs into the Street. <i>And being willing to know the end of this + Comical Adventure, I had planted one to watch what he did: Who followed + him at a distance till he went into an </i>Alehouse<i> in + </i>Foster-Lane<i>, where my Spy went in after him, and called for a Pot + of Drink; and there heard him tell a Lamentable Story how he was robb'd + by some </i>Foot-Pads<i> (as he came from </i>Hampstead<i>, where he had + been to see his </i>Uncle<i>) who had stript him of all his Cloaths, and + given him those things to cover his Nakedness: The People of the House + compassionated him very much, and lent him a Suit of Cloaths, Hat and + Wig, with which he went to his Master's, who was a Goldsmith, and liv'd + at the sign of the —— in Cheapside.—And I appeal to you + Madam, whether he wasn't serv'd in his kind.</i></p> + + <p><i>I think</i>, reply'd the Goldsmiths Lady, <i>you are very happy and + Ingenious in all your Contrivances; and for ought I know, might have + contributed more to reclaim him from those Courses, than all the Lectures + and Sermons that could have been Preached against 'em; for one wou'd + think he should have but little Mind any more to those Sweet Meats which + were attended with such sower Sauce—But pray go on with the Story + of your Life.</i></p> + + <p><i>Madam</i>, said she, having continued for many years with my + Mistress, where we kept very good orders, and liv'd in Reputation also + among our Neighbors, for we went constantly to Church, not only to make a + shew of being Religious, but to expose ourselves to the view of the + Gallants: For our Mistress or Governess always ordered us to follow her, + and to take all opportunitiss, as we came down Stairs from the Galleries, + or as we past over the Kennels in the Streets, to lift up our Coats so + high, that we might shew our handsome Legs and Feet, with a good fine + Worsted or Silk pair of Stockins on; by which means the Gallants would be + sure either to dog us 'emselves, or else to send their Footmen to see + where we liv'd, and then they would afterwards come to us themselves. By + which means we have got many a good Customer. And when we came home from + Church, we generally, if we had none of our Gallants with us, spent our + time in reading of Play-Books, that we might know the better how to + entertain our Guests with witty Discourses. Having, I say, spent several + years in this calling, and got some Monys by me, our Mistress happened to + Die; and I finding the Decays of Nature come upon me, and that I began to + grow unserviceable, I bought the Goods and Furniture my self, and so kept + others under me, as my Mistress had done before me. And drove that Trade + in the same House (which was in St. <i>Thomas Apostles</i>) for many + years, and might have been there still, had it not been for one + Unfortunate Accident, which I'll next relate to you.</p> + + <p>One Day a Gentleman in a very good genteel Habit, knocks at my Door, + which I open'd my self, and ask'd him what he'd have? Upon which, coming + in a Doors, Madam, says he, I understand that you are a Person Charitably + Disposed, and do now and then help a Languishing Lady, or a Love-sick + Gallant: And therefore I took this Opportunity to Salute you, hoping that + you will shew the same kindness to me, that you have done to others upon + the same Considerations.—Sir, said I, you must give me leave to ask + you some Questions before we enter into any further + conversation—With all my heart, Madam, said he:—Then, said I, + Pray who recommended you to me, on that account? I hope you don't take me + for a Bawd? Nay, Madam, said he, pray don't affront me; Neither do I look + like a Porter, common Soldier, or Lacquey, so as to stand in need of a + Bawds Assistance: Nor am I one of those who will take up with what the + Street affords: For I assure you I don't eat <i>Baked Pudding</i> or + <i>Apple-Pye</i> at <i>Holbourn-Bridge</i>, or such other Places, as + common Carmen do. Nor, to be plain with you, Madam, said he, am I one of + those Fellowes that usually Dine at any Greasie Ordinaries; and therefore + I am for something fit for a Gentleman, and will pay accordingly. Very + well, Sir, says I: I hope you will take nothing amiss; I see you are a + Gentleman; but I have sometimes had Tricks put upon me, and therefore am + as choice in the company I entertain, as you are in keeping your Company. + Upon which account be not angry if I repeat my Question, Pray who + recommended you to me? To which he reply'd, Madam, I thought you had not + been so very scrupulous at this time of Day, when Money is so very + scarce. But seeing you press me to it, I know that you help'd Esq; + —— to a very fine Mistress.—The Gentleman he Named, + being one I was well acquainted with, and whose Necessities I had often + supply'd with some of my First-rate-Frigots, as he used to call 'em; I + had no more mistrust of him; and therefore taking him to be a Friend of + his: Nay, now, said I to him, you begin to speak Sense. Be pleased to go + along with me; and so lead him into a Room which joyn'd to my Parlour + that was hung round with Pictures; representing all the Amours of + <i>Ovid</i>'s Heathen Gods; and amongst them were intermix'd several of + those Ladies of Pleasure I kept in my House, drawn in very amorous and + inviting Postures; One with her Golden Tresses dishelv'd upon her + Shoulders & her Brests Naked; another was drawn putting on her Smock, + a third tying her Garters, and a Fourth in the Arms of her Gallant: When + he had well looked round about him, <i>Madam</i>, said he, <i>I perceive + you have Entertainment to provoke the dullest Appetite; and if you have + really the Original of these Pictures, I don't much wonder that you + insist upon good Terms. Therefore pray let me know what you expect to + Oblige me with the dishelv'd Golden Locks.</i> Sir, said I, my lowest is + a Guinea in hand, and a Guinea a Week for the Accomodation of my House; + and taking care that you may have her ready for your use, so long as you + continue my Pensioner: But as for her own Terms, I leave that to your + self and her—<i>But</i>, said he, <i>may I not see the Person + first, that I may be satisfied the Painter has not flatter'd her?</i> + Yes, Sir, said I, provided that you don't spend too much time before you + come to a Conclusion.—<i>Leave that to me</i>, said he, <i>for you + shall be no Looser:</i> Whereupon I slipt out of the Room, and call'd one + Mrs. <i>Gertrude</i> (which was the Person he desir'd) who came in + immediately; and going up towards the Gentleman, he desir'd her to sit + down; and as I was a with drawing he call'd to me likewise, and told me + he must discourse with us both, before he enter'd into any further + Familiarity; and then, addressing himself to Mrs. <i>Gertrude</i>, said, + <i>Well, my pretty Madam, what Gratification do you expect for your + Company </i>per<i> Week?</i> She answer'd him, Two Guineas: <i>But</i>, + said he, <i>What assurance, Madam, shall I have that you will be my Sole + Property during the time that you and I agree upon? And that you will not + dispence your Favours, likewise to others?</i> Nay, Sir, said I to him, + if you intend to Monopolize her wholly to your self, you must raise your + Price, or we cannot else Maintain our selves like Gentlewomen; and afford + Accommodations fit for Gentlemen. <i>Well, Ladies</i>, said he, <i>I will + now pull off my Mask: You have both confessed your way of Living to me, + and I have discover'd your Crimes, without being Criminal my self: And + therefore not doubting but both of you pretend to be Christians, for I am + told you go constantly to Church, I adjure you by his Name whom you + profess, to tell me how you can answer it to him, or to your own + Consciences, to Live in downright Disobedience to his holy Laws, and in + defiance to the known Laws of the Land?</i> With much more Preachment to + the same Purpose, too long to repeat. I must Confess both my self and + Mrs. <i>Gertrude</i>, were both struck with some Amazement at this + unexpected Entertainment; And seeing her a little daunted, I answer'd, + Sir, I shall quickly bring you those that will give you better + Satisfaction. And so rise up to call in a couple of Men-Servants + belonging to my House. Upon which he rise up likewise, and catching me by + the Arm, pull'd out a short Constable's Staff, Commanding me to sit down, + or otherwise I should find it was in his Power to take another Course + with me. This indeed increas'd my surprise, and made me a little mute for + the Present; which he seeing, got between the Door and us, and then was + so uncivil as to tell me, That I was a Vile Woman; and all the difference + he knew between a Bawd and a Procurer, was only such as was between a + common <i>Tom-Turd-Man</i>, and a Person of Qualities House-Maid, who + Emptied <i>Close-Stools</i>: And then told Mrs <i>Gertrude</i> that the + difference between her and the Trulls that pli'd in the Streets, was no + other then betwixt a common <i>Vau't</i> and a Private + <i>Close-stool</i>. Upon which she told him that his Comparisons were + very odious; and that such Language didn't become a Gentleman: But he + answer'd, That our Language wanted words to express the fulsomeness of + our Crimes, calling us <i>Dogs</i>, and <i>Swine</i>, and <i>Goats</i>, + and a deal of such <i>Billingsgate-Stuff</i>, till he had so provok'd my + Passion, That I told him boldly, That I didn't value his Fanatical Cant, + for there were Men of better Sense than he, thought it no Sin; and that I + knew the Opinion of the greatest Wits in the Town, in those things; and + car'd not what a parcel of Canting Coxcombs said.—To which he + reply'd, <i>My Coming hither was to do you good, and to turn you (if + Possible) from your Wicked Courses; but seeing you are hardened in it, + and will not be reclaimed, I will take care to have your Quarters beat + up, and spoil your Trading here for time to come.</i> And so he left + us.</p> + + <p>This unexpected Adventure put us all to a stand. And after consulting + what was best to be done, I resolved not to venture being expos'd, and so + immediately with-drew, and took down all my Pictures, leaving only a + Servant in the House for some days, to see whether he wou'd be as good as + his word: and in three Days after, a Constable came with a Warrant to + search the House for disorderly Persons; but finding only a Servant + there, he told her he perceiv'd the Birds were flown. The search being + over, some of my Women were for returning again; but I oppos'd it, as not + judging it safe; and the Event prov'd it so; for the Day they design'd to + have gone, there was another Search made, and a strict enquiry after what + was become of us? Which made all to commend my Caution and Conduct.</p> + + <p>This last Search made us look upon that Place as unsafe to go to + again; for I perceiv'd that Disguis'd Constable was a busie Fellow, and + wou'd be always Jealous of our Returning again. So I threw up my Lease of + that House, and from thence came hither: Where I have continued ever + since. And carrying a good Correspondence amongst my Neighbours, I have + never been molested here, but when there is any Trade stirring, I have my + share of it. And thus, Madam, I have given you the History of my Life + hitherto; which I have been more particular in, because of your Civility + and Generosity towards me. And if you find at any time an occasion to + make use of any Gentleman to supply any Deficiency you may meet with at + home, or to gratifie your Inclination with a desire of Change I will be + always ready to serve you to the utmost of my Power.</p> + + <p>The Bawd having thus finish'd her Narration, the Goldsmith's Lady gave + her many thanks, and told her that her Relation had been very diverting + to her, <i>But</i>, said she, <i>there is one thing that I have had a + mind to ask you two or three times and still forgot it.</i> Pray Madam, + said the Bawd, What may that be? For I am very ready to resolve you in + any thing I can—<i>That is</i>, reply'd the She-Goldsmith, + <i>Whether or no these new Attempts for Reformation be not a very great + hinderance to you in your Business? For I am told that some of the + Members of the Society put themselves into all Shapes, that they may make + a Discovery of such Houses. And I suppose he who disturb'd you at your + other House might be one of them. And therefore methinks this should + quite spoil your Trade: For as matters are now manag'd, how do you know + who to Trust?</i></p> + + <p>To this the Bawd reply'd thus: As to what you say Madam, there is this + in it, That it makes us use more Caution than we us'd to do. For we now + admit of none into our Houses that are Strangers. But perhaps you may + say, That I us'd a great deal of Caution with the other Person who was a + Trapan before; which is really true enough; and when he mention'd to me + Esq; —— I thought I might very well have trusted him: But + I'll tell you how that hapen'd; Esq; <i>S——</i> had it seems + been talking to some intimate Friends of his, of some very pretty Ladies + that he had to do withal: For indeed being a good Customer, and paying + very well, he had always the Cream of all that came to my House; being + very much a Gentleman; and one whom I wou'd be glad to help to your + Embraces, if you wou'd do me that Honour, and I am sure you cann't have + to do with a Compleater Person, and one better fitted to serve a Woman. + <i>You wou'd, make me have a Mind to him</i>, reply'd the Lady: Well, + Madam, <i>said the Bawd</i>, ere it be long, I'll bring you two together. + But, as I was a saying, he having told some intimate Friends of his, that + he had the enjoyment of a very fine Lady: said one of 'em, <i>Prithee</i> + Esq, <i>who is't that helps you to these fine Ladies that you talk + of?</i> Upon this, not doubting but they wou'd keep his Counsel, he told + 'em 'twas I that help'd him, upon such occasions; and one of these + Gentlemen told another of his Comrades in the hearing of the Disguis'd + Constable, who made that use of it I have already told you. But now, to + prevent the like accidents, we admit no Strangers, unless they bring a + Letter from the Person they are Recommended by, and therein an Account of + the last time they were here. By which means we are very secure; and tho' + the Society for Reformation, as they call it, does utterly Ruine all such + as are Publick Houses of Assignation, yet our Trade is rather made the + better by it; because here they may meet without Danger of being Exposed, + as a Worthy Gentlewoman had like to have been not long ago, which might + have been her Ruine, had she not fallen into the hands of Gentlemen.</p> + + <p><i>Pray how was that</i>, said the Goldsmith's Lady?</p> + + <p>It is a Story worth your hearing, <i>reply'd the Bawd</i>; and if you + please I'll give you the Relation of it, as I had it from one of the + Gentlemen concern'd therein. <i>You will Oblige me very much</i>; + answer'd the Lady. Whereupon the Bawd thus began.</p> + + <p>It happened that two Gentlemen belonging to the Army (of which the one + was my Particular Acquaintance, and a good Customer to my House) taking + Water at the <i>Still-yard</i>, was minded to divert themselves upon the + River, by going up to <i>Chelsie</i>-Reach; where they sometimes met with + pretty Ladies proper for their Purpose, But as they were going along, + they perceived a very fine Gentlewoman in a rich Garb, in a + <i>Sculler</i>, all alone; and also observed that she made the + <i>Sculler</i>, who was a good likely Young Man, row her sometimes one + way, and sometimes another, without going to any certain Place. This gave + 'em occasion to Conjecture that she had appointed some Spark or other to + meet her thereabouts, whose coming she expected with some Impatience; as + they easily perceiv'd:</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>For that which frets a Woman most,</i></p> + <p><i>Is when her Expectation's crost.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <p>After she had near half hour in that manner fluctuated to and fro upon + the silver Surges of <i>Thamesis</i>, like one of the <i>Nereides</i>, + and found she was disappointed; she bid the <i>Sculler</i> Land her at + the <i>Three Cranes</i>, which he accordingly did; and the Gentlemen + likewise order'd their <i>Oars</i> to Land 'em at the same Place; and + observ'd, after the Lady was Landed, that the <i>Sculler</i> ask'd for + his Money, and she bid him follow her; and after he follow'd her into + <i>Thames-street</i>, he began to grumble, and told her he cou'd go no + further, and therefore he wou'd have his Money; which she wou'd not give + him whithout he went wither she was going, telling him she wou'd pay him + for his time. This made the Gentlemen dog her, and soon after saw her go + into the <i>Three-Cranes Tavern</i>, and the <i>Sculler</i> after her; + which the Gentlemen seeing, and (being resolv'd to know the bottom of + this intrigue) follow'd them into the same Tavern; and bid the Drawer, if + it was possible, let them have the next Room to that which the + Gentlewoman had, who came in just before 'em with a <i>Waterman</i> + following her: The Drawer told 'em there was Company in the next Room + then, but they were paying there Reckoning, and would be gone + immediately; and in the mean time desir'd 'em to walk into a Box in the + Yard, which they accordingly did; and whilst they sat there, they saw the + Waterman go out again. Presently after the Drawer came and told 'em that + the Room was now empty, which they forthwith went into, and had the + conveniency through a hole in the Wall, to see the Gentlewoman unseen, + who sat leaning her Arm upon the Table, in a very melancholy Posture, as + one much dissatisfy'd; having a Glass of Wine before her, and Pen, Ink + and Paper. Soon after the Waterman comes in again, and tells her the + Gentleman had not been at home since Morning, nor did they know where he + was. Where's the Note that I gave you, says she? Which he giving her, she + took and tore it, and then burn'd it, Then taking the Glass, what's your + Name, Waterman, said she? An't please you, Madam, my Name's <i>John</i>: + Well, then honest <i>John</i> here's to ye, says she; and drank off her + Glass, and made <i>John</i> fill a Brimmer and drink it off. And then + <i>John</i> offering to go, she said, No, <i>John</i>, you shan't go yet, + I have something to eat, and you shall stay and eat with me: Don't be + uneasie <i>John</i>, for I'll pay you well for your time. Presently up + comes the Drawer and brings a <i>Lobster</i> and a Piece of + <i>Sturgeon</i>, with him; then bidding the Drawer bring a Quart of + <i>Canary</i> up, she ask'd <i>John</i> whether he lov'd <i>Lobster</i> + and <i>Sturgeon</i>? Yes, very well, Madam, reply'd <i>John</i>, but they + are too good for my common Eating. After the other Quart of <i>Canary</i> + was brought up, and the Drawer gone down, she bid <i>John</i> come nearer + and sit down; and at last having both eat and drank Plentifully, she + pull'd <i>John</i> close to her, and told him he look'd like a clever + well-made Fellow, and ask'd him, if he did'nt think himself capable of + doing a Ladies Business? which put <i>John</i> so much out of Countenance + he did'nt know what to say to her: Upon which, first Embracing the Dull + Fool in her Arms, Come, says she, let's see how well you're furnish'd: + And then putting her Hand into his Breeches, <i>John</i> began to think + she was in Earnest, and made as bold with her; giving her what she + wanted; and then calling for another Quart of Wine, and having drank and + repeated their Amorous Embraces two or three times, she gave <i>John</i> + a Guinea; and told him she lik'd him so well, that she would go by Water + with him that day Sennight; and charg'd him to meet her then at five a + Clock, at <i>Paul's Wharf</i>; and she wou'd then give him such another + Treat. Which <i>John</i> promis'd her to do, and so went away very well + Satisfied. The two Gentlemen who (unseen of her) had seen and heard all + those Passages; were resolv'd to make a further Discovery of the + Gentlewoman and so dogg'd her home to her own House, which happen'd to be + at a <i>Woollen-Drapers</i> in St. <i>Paul's Church-Yard</i>. Having thus + seen her at her own House they left her, and went to their own + Lodgings.</p> + + <p>The next Morning they went into <i>Paul's Church-Yard</i> to make the + Lady a visit, but past many times to & fro before the Door, but + cou'd'nt get a sight of her. In the Afternoon they came again, and having + waited up and down about an hour, they at last saw her in the Shop, and + knew her to be the same Person: Whereupon going into the Shop they ask'd + her to see some of the best <i>Scarlet-Cloth</i>, and whilst the other + Gentleman was busie in choosing the Cloth, my Friend took an opportunity + to tell the Lady what a Passion he had for her, and how ready he wou'd be + to serve her with the greatest hazard, and how he hop'd to be made happy + with the enjoyment of her last Favours; but she seeming to be mightily + affronted at his Discourse, told him, That if he did'nt leave off prating + at that rate to her, she would call to her Man to Kick him out of the + Shop: Which disdainful Carriage did so much exasperate him, that he + replyed with some heat, Why Madam, do you think I cann't do your Business + as well as <i>John</i> did, at the <i>Three-Cranes</i> Tavern in + <i>Thame-street</i>, last Night? These words made her change as Pale as + Death: Sir, said she, As you are a Gentleman, I hope you won't expose me: + And I'll oblige you in what'e'er you ask me.—Chuse your Cloth, says + she, and I'll come down to you presently. And then going up Stairs she + return'd again in two minutes, and put twenty Guineas into his hands, to + pay for the Cloth, appointing to meet 'em at the old Tavern an hour + after; which she did accordingly, gratifying both the Gentlemen with the + same Favours she had bestow'd the Night before upon <i>John</i> the + Waterman, whose Nose these Gentlemen had put out of joint.—Judge + you now, Madam, what a case this Gentlewoman had been in, had she fallen + into other hands. But all such accidents are avoided by those that make + use of such a House as mine.</p> + + <p>The Bawd having made an End of her Discourse, after a little pause, + The Goldsmith's Lady thus began:</p> + + <p><i>I return you many Thanks for the Relation of your Life: Your Advice + before has sav'd my Reputation to my Husband and the World; which he who + had first Tempted me to Lewdness, and overcame me through the Love of + Money, would have afterwards Expos'd; for which I think my self oblig'd + to you: But the Relation you have now given me, has Oblig'd me much more; + for it has made me quite out of Love with the Trade you have all along + follow'd; if for nothing else, because of the Dangers that attend it. For + if you look back, and reflect upon your first going astray, it was full + of danger and hazard; and how private so ever you thought you were in it, + yet it could not escape your Husbands Jealousie and Mistrust; and at + last, when you least suspected it, was fully discover'd by your Gallant + himself. And that occasion'd your being turn'd out of Doors; and that + taking all sense of shame from you, (as you well observed) exposed you to + a thousand Temptantions; which being suited to your own Natural + Inclinations, you presently closed withal; which in a little time was, it + seems, attended by the Pox; and which besides, many times laid you open + to the Cognizance of the Civil Magistrate; and made you afraid of every + one you saw; which must needs be a very uneasy Life.—I can speak + some thing of this by my own experience: For after I had given way to Mr. + </i>Bramble<i>'s desires, and yeilded to his Unlawful Embraces, I was so + full of Guilt, that when ever my Husband call'd hastily to me, or spoke + in the least angrily, I thought it was to tell me of my playing the Whore + with Mr. </i>Bramble<i>, my guilt still flying in my Face; so that I + wou'd not be expos'd to the like Fears again, for double the value of + what I receiv'd from him. But having been over come by him, the fear of + his exposing of me, as I perceive he intended, had not you helpt me to + prevent him, caus'd me to serve him as I did.</i>—But you cannot + imagine, (said she) what a Consternation I was put into the other Night, + when a Constable that lives hard by us, and is one of the Society for + Reformation, came to our House, and told my Husband he came to tell him + of some Discoveries he had lately made, which were worth his hearing: My + blood came all into my Face, and I did not question but that I was to be + the Subject of his Discourse. But when I had heard out his Stories, I was + better satisfy'd: Tho' they were such as sufficiently declare the Danger, + that such as you are dayly in, of being detected, as those were of whom + he gave my Husband a Relation: Which indeed I thought to be diverting + enough, as long as it did not concern me. For tho' we care not to be + expos'd our selves, we are yet ready to take a kind of pleasure in + hearing that others are so.</p> + + <p>If it were not too great a trouble (said the Bawd) I should be glad to + hear what those Discoveries were, that he made to your Husband; which + perhaps may be of use to me in knowing how to prevent the like + Disasters.</p> + + <p>I shall esteem it no trouble (reply'd the Gentlewoman) to tell you any + thing I can, that may be serviceable to you; especially, if it may but + prevail with you to leave off a Calling that is so hazardous as well as + wicked—But that will be more proper to discourse, when I have given + you the Constable's Relation; and that I shall give you in his own words; + which were as follows:</p> + + <p>Being resolved, if possible, to prevent all that Debauchery that is + acted in the Streets of this great City every Night, I dress'd up my self + as like a Beau as possibly I could, and then taking my short Staff in my + Pocket, I went t'other Night abroad, to see what Discoveries I could + make: And as I went along the <i>Strand</i>, I met with a young Woman by + the New <i>Exchange</i>, who pretending to stumble, catch'd hold of my + Coat, to save her self from falling, and begg'd my Pardon for her + Rudeness: I soon understood her meaning, and looking upon her to be one + of those Cattle I was in quest of, I ask'd her whither she was going? She + told me as far as <i>Sheer-Lane</i>, to an Aunt of hers, where she + Lodged, and she should be glad of my Company; by which, being confirmed + in what I before thought, I bid her go on, and I would follow her, which + I also did: and coming to the place said he, I found there an old + wither'd Bawd, who presently had us into a Room, and ask'd us what we + wou'd drink? I told her what the young Woman pleas'd; who hereupon call'd + for a Bottle of Ale. I told her I cou'd'nt drink, and therefore bid her + call her Aunt to drink with her: The old Woman coming in, I bid her sit + down, and ask'd her, how long she had follow'd that Trade; What Trade, + Sir, says she? Of keeping Nieces, said I: For I understand you are this + young Woman's Aunt. O Sir, said she, you are a merry Gentleman. I have + followed this Trade of being an Aunt, ever since Age made me uncapable of + being a Niece. That's a long Time ago, said I; but I believe it had been + better for you to have gone a <i>Nurse-keeping</i>, then a + <i>Neice-keeping</i>. That's your mistake Sir, says she: For as old as I + am, I had rather hear a young Girl and a brisk Spark Sing their Song by + Turns, than to hear an old Man grunting a Bed, and be oblig'd to hang my + Nose continually over a Close-Stool or a Chamber-Pot. A Glass of good Ale + or Wine now and then, or a Dram of cool <i>Nantz</i>, is more chearing to + my old Spirits, than to be sipping and tasting a little Stale Pearl + Cordial or Juleps, or indeed any Apothecaries Slop. Well, said I, you are + a cunning old Woman; but pray let me talk now to your Neice a little. + Pray, how many such Aunts have you? Why, truly Sir, said she, I have one + at every corner of the Town, and lodge sometimes with one, and sometimes + with another, as I have occasion. Well but, said I, had you not better go + to Service then be burdensome to your Freinds? No, Damn it, says she, I + had rather be my own Mistress, and go to Bed and rise when I will, then + to be curb'd by every Snotty Dame. I remember once, said she, I met with + an old Master, who had a Colts Tooth in his Head, and he would be + smugling me, and kissing me in a corner, tho his Breath was enough to + turn my Stomach: but for the sake of a rusty Shilling now and then, I was + content to humour him. But when once my Mistress came to know it, I had a + Peal rung about my Ears, with the Tongs, and was forc'd to pack out of + Doors. Another time, I met with a young Master, and an old Dame, and he + wou'd always watch for an opportunity to catch me making the Bed when my + old Mistress was abroad at Market, or else sat wrapt in Flannel by the + Kitchen Fire; and with a thousands Langushing Looks and soft Expressions, + he would wish his Wife were as young and as handsome as I: or that she + was dead that he and I might make a match on't. By which means I was + betray'd to part with my Virgin-Treasure, and lick the Butter off my old + Mistresses Bread, with a very good Appetite. At last, the rising of my + Belly discover'd what I would willingly have conceal'd; this caus'd me to + be turn'd out of Doors, and left to provide for my self and a Child. + Which, when I was brought a Bed, I dispos'd to a poor Woman, who got her + Living with it, by begging in the Streets. And then finding I cou'd'nt be + free from Mens solicitations whilst a Servant, I e'en betook my self to + the present Employment, wherein I meet with Men enough, and am at no + care, to provide for Children.—When she had given an Account of her + Life, said the Constable, I then thought it was time to reprove them. + And, addressing my self to the Wench, said I, Would it not now have been + a great Mortification to you, if instead of following you to your + Lodgings, I had deliver'd you to a Constable, who had made you sit up all + Night in the Round-house, and sent you next Morning to <i>Bridewell</i>, + to beat Hemp for your Living. The young Slut nothing daunted by what I + had said (says the Constable) presently pluck'd up her Coats, and told me + she'd find me other Business to do. I seeing that pull'd out my Short + Constables Staff, and told her she didn't know her Danger, and had + therefore best forbear her Impudence, or I should quickly make her + sensible that I had Power to punish her. This put both the Old Woman and + her self into a great fright; and altering her Tone, she prayed me not to + molest 'em and they would gratifie me any way imaginable. And the Old + Woman prayed me not to be severer to her then others of my Office had + formerly been: For, said she, this is not the first time that I have been + threatted in this manner, and I never yet found a Constable, nor indeed + scarce a Justice of Peace whom it was not in my Power some time or other + to oblige, either by my Purse, or in the way of my Trade. For I have such + fine Women at my Command, continued she, as are able to Charm the most + insensible Persons. I then told them, says the Constable, That good + Advice was meerly thrown away upon 'em, but I wou'd take another Course + that was more effectual; and so (says he) calling the Watch, they were + both sent that Night to the <i>Counter</i>> and the next day to + <i>Bride-well</i>; where they are still beating Hemp. And this Course + (said the Constable) I intend to take, as often as I meet with any of + them.</p> + + <p>When the Constable had made an End, my Husband and I both applauded + his Conduct. And tho' I have once been overcome; yet I resolve never to + be guilty of the like Folly again. Nor is it yet too late for you to + repent <i>said the Goldsmith's Lady to the Bawd</i>; tho you have run + through so long a course of Wickedness; which if you still continue in, + will sooner or later bring you to certain ruine.</p> + + <p>Well, said the Bawd, I thought to have serv'd you, by the way of + Gratitude, for your kindness and Liberality to me, in my way of Business: + But seeing you are otherwise determined, I thank you for your Advice: and + am very glad that by my Discourse and seeing the Errors of my Life, you + may come to rectifie your own: My advice herein being the same with that + of a late great Debauchee, that writ a Book of his Life,</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Read, but don't practice: For the Author finds</i></p> + <p><i>They that live honest, have most quiet minds.</i></p> + </div> + </div> + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h2>FINIS.</h2> + + <br clear="all" /> +<hr /> + +<h3><i>Books Printed for, and Sold by +</i>J. Gwillim<i>, against </i>Crosby-Square<i> +in </i>Bishopsgate-Street<i>.</i></h3> + + <p>The History of <i>England</i>: Giving a True and Impartial Account of + the most considerable Transactions in Church and State, in Peace and War, + during the Reigns of all the Kings and Queens, from the coming of + <i>Julius Cesar</i> into <i>Brittain</i> to the Year 1696. By <i>John + Seller</i>, Hydrographer to his Majesty.</p> + + <p>A Brief History of the Pious and Glorious Life and Actions of the most + Illustrious Princess, <i>Mary</i>, Queen of <i>England</i>, + <i>Scotland</i>, <i>France</i>, and <i>Ireland</i>.</p> + + <p>The <i>French</i> Convert: A True Relation of the happy Conversion of + a Noble <i>French</i> Lady, from the Errors and Superstitions of Popery, + to the Reformed Religion, by the means of a Protestant Gardner her + Servant, Being the most Stupendious and Surprizing History that ever was + known, and worthy to be had in all Families. <i>Price Bound</i> 6 d.</p> + + <p>The whole Duty of a Woman: Or, a Guide to the Female Sex, from the Age + of Sixteen to Sixty.</p> + + <p><i>Solomon</i>'s Temple Spiritualiz'd: Or, Gospel-light fetch'd out of + the Temple at <i>Jerusalem</i>. By <i>John Bunyan</i>. <i>Price Bound One + Shilling.</i></p> + + <p>The <i>Jerusalem Sinner</i> Saved Or, good News for the Vilest of Men; + being a Help for Despairing Souls.</p> + + <p>The Acceptable Sacrifice: Or, the Excellency of a Broken Heart: + shewing the <i>Nature</i>, <i>Signs</i>, and <i>Proper Effects</i> of a + Contrite Spirit. Being the last Works of that Eminent Preacher, and + Faithful Minister of Jesus Christ, Mr. <i>J. Bunyan</i>. <i>Price Bound + One Shilling.</i></p> + + <p>The World to come. The Glories of Heaven, and the Terrors of Hell, + Lively Display'd, under the Similitude of a Vision. By <i>G.L.</i> + <i>Price One Shilling.</i></p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The London-Bawd: With Her Character +and Life, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LONDON-BAWD: WITH HER *** + +***** This file should be named 15883-h.htm or 15883-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/8/8/15883/ + +Produced by David Starner, Keith Edkins and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life + Discovering the Various and Subtle Intrigues of Lewd Women + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: May 23, 2005 [EBook #15883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LONDON-BAWD: WITH HER *** + + + + +Produced by David Starner, Keith Edkins and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +THE + +London-Bawd: + +WITH HER + +CHARACTER + +AND + +LIFE: + +Discovering the + +Various and Subtle + +Intrigues + +OF + +Lewd Women + + * * * * * + +The Third Edition. + +LONDON, Printed for _John Gwillim_ near _Sun Yard_, in _Bishopsgate-Steet_, +1705. Price 3 _s_ + + * * * * * + +THE + +London-Bawd. + + * * * * * + +CHAP. I. + +_Her Character: Or what she is._ + +A BAWD + +Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like +Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's, +and a true Daughter of _Eve_, who having first undone herself, tempts +others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of _Sampson's +Foxes_, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those +that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she +grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she +sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful +she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their +hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well, +thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of +Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care +that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none +carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She +thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar _Bacon_'s brazen-Head, and is very +forward to tell you that _Time Was_ when the best Gentlemen wou'd have +prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats _Time's +Past_, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay +the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever +she has, she makes it common. She hates _Forty One_ as much as an old +Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn +Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so +much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and +make up the difference. She's the most like a _Medlar_ of any thing, for +she's never _ripe_ till she's _rotten_. She is never without store of +_Hackney Jades_, which she will let _any one Ride_, that will _pay for +their hire_. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she +sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, _That they that +cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none_. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as +to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better +then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still +_changing Quarters_, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th' +Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane, +and beating Hemp in _Bridewel_. She has been formerly a Pretender to +Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in _Pick-Song_, but She +is most expert at a _Horn-Pipe_. She understands _Means_ a little, but +_Trebles_ very well, and is her self a perfect _Base_. Tho' she lives after +the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning +Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has +Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a +_Countrey-Gentleman_ she makes a _Cods-head_; and of _a rich Citizens Son_ +a _Gudgeon_; _a Swordsman in Scarlet_, she takes for _Lobster_; and a +severe _Justice of Peace_, she looks on as a _Crab_: Her _Poor Customers_, +are like _Sprats_, and _Pilchards_, who are more considerable for their +number than they are for their Value; whilst the _Punk_ is her _Salt Eel_, +and the _Pander_ her _Shark_ and her _Swordfish_. Her Charity is very +great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds 'em _Beds_, but +_Bed-fellows_ too, of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which +is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty _Honest-Houses_ and not Meet with. +She brings more _Wicked Wretches_ to Repentance than many a good +_Preacher_; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll leave them +such a _Twinging Remembrance_ in their _Joynts_, that their very _Bones_ +shall ake, but she'll make them repent that e'er they had to do with her. +And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix such a visible _Mark_ in their +_Faces_, as shall make 'em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and +so bring 'em to Repentance _with a Pox to 'em_. Yet she has very little +_Conscience_, for she makes nothing of Selling _One Commodity_ to _Twenty +Customers_: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear +loosing their Custom. She's often _broke_, and as often _sets up again_; +which She does without any great charge; for three strong Water-Bottles, +Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will +set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her +Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Glass: and a Pimp +to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if +her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the +Cart and _Bridewel_. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let +any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but +Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out +in Stew'd flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can +easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of +Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The +Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the +Justice of _Quorum_; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help +him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures him +she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so +much as the Approach of _Shrove-Tuesday_; for she's more afraid of the Mob, +than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath +past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has +Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction. + +Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her own +proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore thus +conclude her Character. + + __A Bawd_ is the chief instrument of evil,_ + __Tempter_ to _Sin_, and _Factor_ for the _Devil__ + _Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls_ + _Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles._ + _She ruines _Families_ to advance her _Treasure_,_ + _And reaps her _Profit_ out of others _Pleasure_:_ + _Pleasures attended with so black a stain,_ + _That they at last end in _Eternal Pain_._ + _Her ways so various are, they're hard to tell,_ + _By which she does betray poor Souls to Hell._ + _Smooth is her _Tongue_, and Subtile are her ways_ + _And by _false Pleasures_ to _True Pain_ betrays._ + _The _Bane of Virtue_, and the _Bawd_ to _Vice_,_ + __Pander_ to _Hell_, is this _She-Cockatrice_._ + _She's like the _Devil_, seeking every hour_ + _Whom she may first _Decoy_, and then _Devour_:_ + _Let every thinking Mortal then beware,_ + _And, that he comes not near her House, take care:_ + _For She'll Betray (her fury is so fell)_ + _Your _Body_ to the _Pox_, your _Soul_ to _Hell_._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. II. + + _Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Whore, + a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about + Preheminence._ + +In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments +of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be the Person +that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other +Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and +Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Whores for +other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ'd abroad, +both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to +be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below +humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Whore for +other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a +House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the +Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to 'em, who quickly +let 'em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were +got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with +her; and found he might have any Kindness from her which he had a mind to, +for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to +Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the +House came up presently, and desir'd to know what was the matter? Why you +Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Whore in the House, that you +make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's +trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good +Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait +upon ye: Which he did accordingly.--Those that are called Pandars, are in a +strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of +matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores +together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness. + +These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a +hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their +several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards +shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as +being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her Cause. + +_Whore._ That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without +Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your +Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and +all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. _Pimp_, for all your sneering, I +say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and +make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from. +And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my +Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer +nobody to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I +love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and +therefore I can't properly be said to be a Whore, for Whores are they that +trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And +therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the +cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that +runs in my Veins; for did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please +'em, you cou'dn't all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as +poor as so many Church-Mice. + +To this the Pimp thus replyed. + +_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For +tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation +to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so +all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that +I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person +of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and +genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the +House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the +Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I +wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use +of a _Dildo_, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me. + +This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr'd up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a +great deal of heat made him this Answer. + +_Pander._ Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an +Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly +try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens +Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure +then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such +Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em; +and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for +giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to +make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one +Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the +Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the +Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to +Preheminence. + +Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all +their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and +after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer. + +_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence: +They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my +Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great +gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and +their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose +House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I +bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here; +whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you +into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you're a little handsome, you +begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the +Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing +and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into +the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I +put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were +at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you +by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can +get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you +a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have +regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a +good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant +ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I +do. Nay, there's your Brother _Pander_ too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell +when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he +fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice: +But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I +shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was +brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self; +but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade, +that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with +much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it +than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress +of you all, I'll make you. + +The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts, +there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a +Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in +Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began. + +_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the +Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my +self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the +old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure +'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And +therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I +didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go +Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both +the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are, +your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor +Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he +that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that +it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master. +Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less. + +The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them +to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each +of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for +their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor. + + * * * * * + +CHAP. III. + + _How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old _Bawd_, Enjoy'd her Lover and + Deceiv'd her Husband._ + +Having already given you the Character of a _Bawd_, and shown you her Plea +for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what +famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her +cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily +acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked. + +In the West of _England_ there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to +whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair +Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his +Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor, +had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform. +For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one +too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies +himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may +easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several +Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that +it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true +Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists +not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are +suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was +offer'd to this Old Letcher, who being sensible that he could not expect a +handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who +wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband, +or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond +of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an +Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he +dy'd, she wou'd have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better +Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion +answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she +cou'd not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd +with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and +they were married accordingly. + +But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability; +and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that +due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of +which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help. + +There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that +had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies in +such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young Lady, +rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her +Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make +her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she soon found out +the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon which the Bawd +discourses her in this manner: + +Madam + +_I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing +cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, to see so +much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to +make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet +with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married, +depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a +Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam, +we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as +it will, there's no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This, +Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to +the end of your Creation, if you don't find out ways to supply that defect +and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under. +I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the +Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and +all he has to serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that +compassion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to +bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction +which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too +impotent to give you._ + +The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she +was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she +acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make +use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and +Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of +his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him +any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to +manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to +Miscarry in the Attempts. + +The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention'd the +Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much +insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which +gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the +Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, she could not think it was +any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which +he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore +if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily +forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of +your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old +men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others +should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie, +leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of +_Argus_, we'll deceive him. + +The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And +therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who +told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion for +her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by the +door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out +of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert the +measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This +being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that +Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a +prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself to the +best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when +he should see her. + +The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing +that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore +Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him, +and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her +part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those +Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place +would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to +quench their mutual Flames. + +But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by +the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He +saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the +Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he passed by at his Ladies +Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something +more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which +gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the +Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd, +he seem'd more fond and good humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who +on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd +meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a +strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie: +Who the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of +Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate +his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it +ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his +Business wou'd permit him. + +He cou'd not have said any thing to's Wife that wou'd have pleas'd her +better, and 'twas with some uneasiness that she conceal'd her Joy from +being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she told +him she shou'd think each day a year till his return, and then she kist him +with so much seeming Passion, that she was like to have spoil'd all, and +had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts of his +pretended Journey. + +The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, who +was very well pleas'd therewith: and promis'd to give notice to her +_Inamorato_, who was equally pleas'd with the expectation he had of his +near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to their +hearts desire. + +The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very Early in +the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses on both +sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two out of Town, +to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses and Servants, +and in the Evening return'd privately to his own House. + +The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was gone +out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the Evening +to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, before the +Door, till such a time as he should be call'd in: Which he promis'd +faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly. + +The Lady had made all things ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a +Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous +Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had been +concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected Gallant walk +to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and finding such a +Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to entertain him; and +therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the meaning of those +Preparations, and who that Banquet was design'd for? The young Lady, +surpriz'd and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, was at a Loss +what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as she could, told +him that she was resolv'd to surprize him, as well as he was to surprize +her; for being inform'd that he had chang'd his mind, and was returning +home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that banquet to surprize +him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible as it seem'd, he was +sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her by the Shoulder, he +with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou Disloyal Strumpet: it is +not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy Turn; I am not to be +deceiv'd; I saw that Lustful Leacher walking at the Door for whom this +Banquet was prepar'd; and had I but been Arm'd, I would have given him +another sort of Entertainment than that which you design'd him; But since +your Lust's so hot, I'll see if I can't cure it; and with that he dragg'd +her out of doors, and stripp'd her Naked, and so led her into a Pond he had +within his Yard; and there he ty'd her fast unto a Post which was plac'd in +the midst of it; telling her that by to morrow-morning he hop'd she wou'd +be something cooler; whilst she in vain protests her Innocency, and +intreats him to release her. And having left her in this cold Condition, +Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and taking all the Keys into his +own Possession, he repairs to Bed. + +Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the Door, and +wondring that he wan't admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to know the reason +of it; She was as much concern'd at it as he; but having had a Key from the +young lady, by which she might at any time come in at the back-Door, +desir'd him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to see what was the +matter: And having open'd the back Gate which led into the Court where the +Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in the same Station as her +Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a low voice, enquired into +the cause of her Calamity. + +O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin'd me for ever, your Cursed Counsel +has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and misery it has +already expos'd me; And what the end will be, I know not. Why, said the +Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some other than he +which I design'd to help you to.--No, no, reply'd the Lady, I had prepar'd +for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have call'd him in, my +Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris'd me. And seeing the Banquet I had +made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me thus +barbarously--Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; you shall +be even with him still, and if you'll but be ruled by me, the Jealous +Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your Spark is at +my House waiting for my Return. I'll take your place, and you shall put my +Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of Loves Enjoyments, +and then return again to me. + +The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, and +her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was feizable, +she took the offer'd Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon stript herself, +and releas'd the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, whilst she went +forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her Gallant, who at first +by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well pleas'd to find himself +mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time; +and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance +they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went +more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the +old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife, +for her making him a Cuckold; resolved to punish her farther, and so rises +out of his Bed, and goes down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her +a thousand Whores and Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner +without a Smock to your Arse, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose +that you might be a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain'd you as well as +any Lady in the Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you +impudent Strumpet? Tell me, who was it that advis'd you to this wickedness? +The Old Bawd to whom all this was spoken (tho' he thought it had been to +his Wife) durst not reply one word; and resolv'd, whatever he said, she +wou'd not answer him; which so much enrag'd him, that he said, What! Am I +not worth an Answer then? I'll make you an Example to all Whores that abuse +their Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her, +and cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he, +take that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said +that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a +miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having +satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return'd to +the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen'd since +her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb'd than even the Bawd her +self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her bloody Husband: +But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, documents her thus: 'Tis true, says +she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but since that is now too +late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing could have fallen out +more happily for you, if you will follow my direction; which is, That as +soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low Voice of the Cruelty of your +Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste and Innocent Wife, in so +shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, & defacing your Beauty: And +then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above that are Protectors of Chastity, +that they wou'd miraculously restore your Nose and Beauty again; and soon +after, break out into Thanksgivings for having your Nose restored; and this +will pass for a Miracle, and so Vindicate your Innocency that you will +never more be suspected. And I hope you will make me amends for what I have +suffer'd for you. This the young Lady faithfully promis'd; and so the Bawd +went home to provide for her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty'd as she +was at first by her Husband. + +The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, fetching a +great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful Lamentation,--_O unhappy Woman! +unhappy above all Women! Unhappy in having without cause lost the Love of a +Husband in whom I had plac'd all my Happiness! Unhappy in having my +Reputation taken away by him, and Unhappy in being us'd more barbarously +and Ignominiously by him, than if I were a Common Whore! To have my Nose +thus cut off, and my Beauty defac'd, and all this without Cause; what can +be more barbarously Cruel in him, or render me more miserable! But O ye +Heavenly Powers,_ (added she in a higher Tone, that her Husband might hear +her, which he also did) _if such Powers there be, that are the Protectors +of Chastity, and Vindicators of Innocence, Look down on me, whose Innocence +you know, and hear my Prayers; If I have deviated from the strictest Rules +of Vertue and of Honour, and Violated in the least the marriage Bond that I +have enter'd into; let all your Direful Vengeance fall upon me. But if I +have kept my Chastity inviolate, and never wrong'd my Husbands Bed so much +as in a thought, let my Disfigur'd Face be healed again, and my lost Beauty +and dismembered Nose, which has been taken from me so unjustly, be both +restored again, as a convincing Testimony of my Innocency._ + +Having ended her Prayer, she stood silent for about half a Quarter of an +Hour; and then, as tho' her Nose had been miraculously reunited to her Face +again, she with a loud Voice broke forth into these Expressions: _O ye +Immortal Powers that knew my spotless and Immaculate (tho Suffering) +Chastity, and have so eminently now rewarded it, accept my Hearty and my +Humble Thanks: For by this Miracle that you have wrought for me, my Husband +surely will believe my Innocency; and I am glad I shall be able at the +Expence of so much blood, and so much Pain and Misery, to let him know how +much he has wrong'd me, and how much I love him: Yes, O ye Powers above, +that have so wonderfully clear'd my Innocency, I do appeal to you how much +I love him, notwithstanding all his Cruelty; for which, O ye Immortal +Powers, I humbly invocate your gracious Pardon, because he did it through +an Excess of Rage, to one whom he Imagin'd had been false._--And then +raising her Voice much higher, she call'd out to her Husband, saying. _Come +down, my Dearest Love, and see and be convinc'd how much you've wronged +your Chaste and Loyal Wife._ + +The old Gentleman, that lay awake in his Bed and had hear'd all this, knew +not what to think of it: He was sure he had cut off her Nose, and flung it +at her Face, but had not faith enough to think it was set on again; and +therefore thought it was some Trick to be releas'd: However, since she +call'd to him to see and be convinc'd, he was resolv'd to know the Truth of +it, and therefore rising up, and lighting of a Candle, he came down stairs +and went straight to his Wife, and looking on her very earnestly, he sees +her Face was whole and sound; at which he was so much confounded and +amaz'd, that he began to fear lest Heaven, that had shew'd such a miracle +in healing her, shou'd pour its Vengeance down upon his Head, for his +detested rashness and his barbarous Cruelty; and therefore sets her loose +immediately, and presently conveying her to Bed, _O thou that art all +Goodness and all Innocence_ (said the transported Cuckold) _can'st thou +forgive one that has wronged thee at that rate that I have done?_ _Yes, my +dear Husband_ (answer'd the cunning Whore) _Since Heaven has heard my +Prayer and clear'd my Innocence, I forgive all the World, but thee +especially._ And thereupon her Husband made a solemn Protestation, That he +wou'd never more be Jealous of his Wife, let her do what she would. + +Thus you see how by the Cunning Contrivance of an Old Bawd, a young Lady +was made a Whore, and an old Dotard a young Cuckold. And also how she can +manage all events to the carrying on of her Pernicious Design; answering +the Character the Wise-man gives of her, _Her ways are moveable that thou +canst not know 'em_. + + * * * * * + +CHAP. IV. + + _How a Married Man, drawn in by a Bawd, kept a Whore, to the Ruine of + himself and Family._ + +We have seen in the last chapter how our Bawd drew in a young Married Woman +to deceive her Husband, and wrong the Marriage-Bed: And in this Chapter you +shall see how she draws in a Married Man to follow Whoring, so the Ruine of +himself, a vertuous Wife, and all his Family: For if she can but Rise, she +cares not who she Ruines.--But to the Story. + +An Impudent Whore, of our Bawds own bringing up, that by removing to +several Quarters, had made a shift to escape _Bridewel_, which she merited +as much as any that ever came thither, had through the Bawds assistance, +drawn in one Foolish Fellow, by her Rich Robes, fair face, and fine Words, +to maintain her like a Lady; tho' she was but the Daughter of a sorry +Informer: Pride and Pleasure were the two Idols she ador'd; and to enjoy +them, she cared not how she exposed her poor Cully; who was oblig'd to be +liberal to the Bawd for Procuration, as well as to the Whore for +Fornication: Till at last her Pride and Pleasure had brought him to Pain +and Poverty. Neglecting of his Business, and Maintaining of his Miss, had +made him run in Debt, and he began to be so haunted by Bailiffs and +Sergeants, that he was forc'd to fly into the _Low-Countries_ to secure +himself; Chusing rather to trust to his Heels than his Hands. His Wench was +glad she was so rid of him; for being become Poor, and not able to supply +her with Money, she was grown quite a weary of him; but not of her way of +Living; For as soon as he was gone, she repairs again to the Old Bawd; and +acquainted her how matters stood with her. She has made the most of one, +and now she must have another: _Well_, says the Bawd, _Do but carry your +self, reserv'd and Maidenly, and I have a Spark that has a good Estate, and +will be able to spend high upon you; but he must have a Maid, and that I +have taught you well enough how to Counterfeit:_--Is he a married Man or +single, says the Trull?--_A married Man_, replies the Bawd, _but that's +nothing as long as he has Money: It were better indeed, that he were +single, for then I cou'd draw him in to marry you; and he might make a good +Cover; but don't fear but we'll do well enough as 'tis.--Only besure you +carry it shy at first, and that's the way to draw him in, and make him the +more Eager._--Let me alone for that, says the Whore; do you but bring us +together, and then leave it to me to make him bite: I warrant you I'll +manage him, or else say I am the veriest Whore in all the Town.--Which she +might have safely ventur'd to do, without being Guilty of Lying. + +The Plot being thus laid, Mother Damnable goes out upon the scent, and +finds the Whore-hunter she wanted; and then tells him, that she had been at +great charge and expence to find out a Lass fit for his Purpose, But, says +she, tis such a one, That for Beauty, Birth and Breeding, is hardly to be +matched in _London_: She is indeed somewhat Coy, but I will help to Court +her for you: I protest I could have had Ten Guineas of Sir _R---- P----_ if +I would have helpt him to her: But I hate to be worse than my Word; I +promised you before, that when I could light of one fit for your Turn, I +would help you to her--Mr. _Graceless_, over-joyed at this News, and to +shew himself grateful to the old Bawd, presents her with a Guinea, before +he saw his Miss--Who being hereby incouraged, soon brings them together; +and at first sight he's mightily taken with her. But she seems very Coy, +and wou'd hardly let him salute her; Upon which the Bawd tells her, he's a +very worthy Gentleman, and one that deserves her Love. What Love can I +expect (replies the cunning Jade) from one that has a Wife already? As soon +as he has got what he desires, and taken from me, what's now my only Boast +my Maiden-head, my Honour and his Love will both be lost together: and then +I shall have nothing left me but too late Repentance. This so effectually +wrought upon him, That he made all the Protestations in the World, Nothing +shou'd ever part em, if she'd but condescend to accept of him for a +Gallant: For tho he had a Wife, 'twas one he cou'd not love, and didn't +care for her; whereas he saw those Charms in her, that would constrain him +to be always constant. And that if she would promise to be as true to him +as she shou'd always find him true to her, it wou'd be all the happiness +he'd ask.--And now, to make the Bargain firm, the Bawd engages for both +Parties, that they shall each be true to one another. And then after a +costly and expensive Match they went to Bed together; where she (instructed +by the Bawd) carried her self so cunningly that her besoted Lover thought +her as good a Maid as when she was but just come to her Teens.--And that +they might the better keep company without discovery, she must pass under +the Notion of his Sister, and he of her Brother. + +And now she wheedles him with so much pretended Love, that she can have +what she will of him: and finding he was flush of Money and had a good +Estate, she won't be satisfied without her Countrey-House, which was +provided for her accordingly, facing the River-side at _Hamersmith_; and +adorn'd with rich Furniture. And when her Paramour cou'd not come to her, +by reason of Business, she then sent to the Bawd, who provided her a +Stallion to supply his place, which she paid for doing her Drudgery, with +his Money. And yet when he came to see her, she wou'd wipe her mouth as if +nothing had been the matter, and cry, why does my Sweeting stay so long +away? You don't care for me now! I sigh night after night, and day after +day, for want of your Company, but you've a Wife that you love better than +you do me; and indeed I told you so at first, and then you told me you'd +love me best, and I was so simple as to believe you: But if you had lov'd +me best, you wou'd'nt have staid away from me so long, that you wou'd'nt; I +am sure if I could have come to you, I woud'nt have staid from you so long. +And then she falls a weeping; which so much moves the amorous Cocks-comb, +that he falls a kissing her, and giving her all the good Words that can be; +cursing his Wife, and calling her all to nought; and telling his Miss that +he loves none but her. Having thus brought him to her Bow, she kisses him +again, and then says, Well, Honey, if you do love me indeed, I'll be +Friends with you, but let me see what you have brought me? Then if he have +brought her store of Yellow Boys, she's very well pleas'd with him; but if +his Money happen to be short, then she'll be out of humour; 'Tis a sign how +you love me, indeed, to stay away so long and then bring me nothing! Here's +all the Ladies round about can have new things, but I; and you don't care +how I go! Then to put her in a good humour, be promises her a new Satin +Gown; but this won't serve her turn neither, she wants jewels and Diamond +Rings to answer her other Apparel: And to procure these, he's fain to run +on the Score both with the Mercer and Goldsmith--By this means in a little +time his Estate comes to be wasted, and his Friends come about him, and +advise him to leave off these wicked Courses, which else will end in the +Ruine both of Soul and Body: They tell him that he has a fair and vertous +Wife of his own, by whom he has had several pretty Children, and therefore +wonder how he can be so besotted with a filthy Whore. But when all this +prevail'd not, his Wife seeing a wicked Strumpet without cause prefer'd +before her, taking a fit opportunity, acquainted her Husband with her +grief, and his own dangerous Estate, in this manner: + +My dear Husband! + +_Had I ever given you any just occasion to withdraw your affections from +me, you might have had a fairer Plea before Men, for doing what you do; +tho' even that wou'd have been no Excuse at the Tribunal of God, whom you +principally offend by your present wicked Life. But your own Conscience +will tell you, if you dare ask it the Question, that it has been the +Business of my whole Life, since I have been married to you, to carry my +self towards you as a loving and a vertuous Wife ought to do to her +Husband; and have done all that lay in my Power to contribute to your +Satisfaction. I have never made your House uneasie to you, by any +unbecoming Words or Carriage; nor what occasion so ever you have given me, +have I been either Clamorous, or a Brawler. 'Tis true my Heart is almost +broke with Grief; and who can blame me? When I see your affection so +Estranged from me, your Estate wasted, and my self and Children ready to go +a Begging, whilst an impudent Quean is at your Cost maintain'd in her Silks +and Sattins; and which is worse than all the rest, your own Soul, in danger +of Eternal Ruine. And if this Affects you not, remember your own Reputation +in the World: You have lived in Credit and Repute among your Neighbours: +and will you Sacrifice that, and Entail Shame and Dishonour upon your Self +and Family, for gratifying the Lusts of a filthy and Lascivious Strumpet? +If you go on in this Course, you must Morgage your Lands to pay your Debts; +and what a shame will that be? Your Father left you an Estate, but you are +like to leave an Heir that will have nothing to inherit; and so will be an +Heir only in Name. Think, O my Husband, what a Reflection it will be upon +you, when Men shall say, Your Father left you an Estate to live upon, but +you have spent it upon Whores, and left your Children Beggars. This was +your Fathers House, but you have sold it to maintain your Miss. Consider +the Reproach that this will bring upon your Children: You brought 'em up +like Gentlemen, and then betray'd 'em to Want and Beggery. Have you forgot +the Vow you made when we were Married? You promis'd then to take none but +my self: Yet now you let a Harlot take away your Love from me, that am your +faithful and your loving Wife; and might have been by you Esteem'd so +still, if this Lewd Woman had not made strife between us: You promis'd at +your Marriage that none but Death should seperate us. And as my self has +never broke that promise, so you have never had from me any occasion given +you to do it: And I am ready still to embrace you in my Arms, with all the +tenderest Affections of a loving Wife. O let me beg of you, that you wou'd +hearken to my sorrowful Complaint, pity my Tears, and suffer not your +Family to perish, but bear a Fathers Heart towards these, that are the +Children of your Body. Or if you'll pity neither me nor your poor Children, +pity your self: for you will suffer most in the Conclusion: You cannot +think that you please God in living as you do: Can you take Comfort (think +you) in remembering that you have ruin'd both your self and Family, by +keeping of a Whore, when you shall lie upon your Dying Bed, and your poor +Soul is just taking of its flight into Eternity? How will that Sentence +terifie your Conscience, _Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge_? Then +you will wish (but wishing then, my Dear, will be in vain) that you had +never given ear to that Enchanting Syren, that for a few false Joys and +momentary Pleasures, betray'd your Soul to Everlasting Misery. But if you +will be Deaf to my complaints, and not regard the Ruine of your Children, +nor pity your own Soul: Tho I am sure my Grief will bring me to my Grave. I +shall be Satisfied in this, that I have done what ever lay within my Power +to save you from the Ruin and Destruction to which I see you hastening._ +And when she had said this, she seconded her Words with Tears, and fell a +weeping till she cou'd weep no more. + +Yet all this would not molifie her unrelenting Husband, nor work any change +upon him; for he regarded neither what she said, nor the sorrowful moans +and complaints of her almost Famished Infants: For all she gets for her +affectionate Counsel and Advice, is to be sometimes rail'd at, and at other +times jeer'd and flouted. + +Soon after he goes to his Drab again, and to her he repeats what his Wife +had said to him: which so far had rais'd her Choler, that she gives it vent +in such Language as this: + +What has she fed upon nothing but Crabbs of late, that she is grown so +sowr! She now begins to prate it seems! 'Tis time to bring her down: A +stinking dirty Slut, to rail at me! And you to stand by, like a Fool, and +let her! I am afraid she's too full fed; that makes her be so malapert; but +had but I the ordering of her, I vow to gad I'd quickly make her pinch +for't. She shou'd be glad to get a piece of Bread: And that it self's too +good for her, I wonder how she had the Impudence to prate to you: But she +knows well enough she has a Tender-hearted Fool to deal withal; she must +advise ye! Marry gap indeed! Tis more then time she did! I see she wants to +be the Head! Or else she'd never Tutor you about your heir! 'Tis very fine +advice methinks she gives you! She'd have you want your self to hoard for +him! But sure you will be more Wise. E'en put him to a Trade; and let him +Work. He is big enough, and then pack out the rest. I'd make the Jade fret +in her grease for something: Pray how comes she to know what passes between +you and I? She has Money enough it seems to hire her private Spies to find +our meeting out: She serves you right enough: Well, be a Fool, and let her +rail on still; And shew thy self a poor kind-hearted Ass! I'll warrant ye, +you fell upon your knees, and begg'd her Pardon, because you kept my +Company; and Promis'd that you'd never do so no more! This 'tis to have to +do with one that has a Wife! I told you first of all what I shou'd find: An +ugly Jade, to call me filthy Strumpet! Had I been by, I'd soon have made +her smart for't! Any but such a Hen-peck'd Fool as you, that had but heard +her say so, wou'd straight have given her such a dash o'th' Chops as shou'd +have beat her Teeth into her Throat, and quickly spoil'd her Prating. But I +am plagu'd with one that dares not speak a Word to vindicate me. If you are +a weary of me, tell me so; for I can quickly mend me self, if you'll but +say the Word: And if you will prefer your wrinkled Wife before my Youth and +Beauty, with all my heart, for I'm resolv'd I'll never lead this Life! To +be abus'd by an old Withered Hag! I have no patience when I think of it: A +dirty homely _Joan_! For my part, I admire how thou coud'st love her: She +frets, I'll warrant you, because she lies alone: But who that is not Mad, +wou'd lie with such a sapless piece of wither'd Flesh as she, when he may +lie by such a one as I, that's sweet, and fresh, plump, brisk and airy, and +that's full of Juice, just in the Bloom of all my Youth and Beauty. But if +to this thou still prefer'st thy Dowd; take her for me, and +much-good-do-thee with her. + +By this Discourse, this Impudent and filthy Trull, quite sham'd him out of +any thoughts of Vertue; and therefore that he might the better please her, +he replies, + +My dear, Thou canst not sure think me so mad as to regard her foolish Idle +prate, or to leave thee for twenty such as she is. No, never think I have +so little Wit, I gave her such a Reprimand as soon as she had spoke, that +cool'd her Courage in an instant: for I let her know her Tittle-Tattle +would be all in vain; and that I was resolv'd I would be absolute. Shall I +be ty'd by such a one as she? No, Love, I scorn it. And for her Tongue, let +me alone to tame it: _Winter_ is coming on and then I'll make her keep her +breath to warm her hands; for she shall have from me no other firing. Let +her rail on, and see what she can get by't; whilst thee and I delight our +selves in Pleasures; I'll be no Slave to that which I possess: Come, thou +art mine, and shalt have what thou wilt; my Love to thee is more then to my +Heir: shall I live sparing for a Brood of Bratts, that for my Means wish me +in my Grave! No, I know better things: I will my self enjoy it while I +live, for when I'm gone, the World is gone with me: Thou hast my heart, my +Dear, and I'll not leave thee; tho' she shou'd Chat until her Tongue be +weary. I'll find another way to make her quiet; or she shall have but very +small Allowance: She tells me, Grief will kill her very shortly: I wish it +wou'd, I shou'dn't grutch the Charges of giving her a Coffin and a Grave. + +I (_says the Coaxing Jilt_) I like you now. Do as you say, and then I'll +warrant you, you'll quickly make the Flirt submit her self: And win my +heart for ever. + +Thus they continu'd Revelling and Spending, whilst his poor Wife went with +a hungry Belly, and her small Children almost wanted Bread; which with the +grief she took to see her Husband unreclaimable cast her into a fit of +Sickness; which in a few days brought her to her Grave, to the great Grief +of her poor Children and her Neighbours, who all Lamented her: But to the +great Joy of her Scotish Husband and the Graceless Quean that he +maintain'd, who now thought all their own, and that they might Sin on +without Controul. But tho his Vertuous Wife wanted an _Elegy_, she shall +not want an _Epitaph_: + + HER EPITAPH. + + _Here lies the poor Remains of a good Wife,_ + _Who through an unkind Husband lost her life:_ + _Tho' she was vertuous, yet he kept her poor;_ + _And spent his Substance on a filthy Whore._ + _Whilst she in vain of him implor'd Relief,_ + _She sunk beneath a weighty Load of Grief:_ + _Which Death perceiving, prov'd her kindest Friend,_ + _And lent his Aid to bring her to her End:_ + _Which if her Husband does not now lament,_ + _He shall (when 'tis too late) at last Repent._ + _And tho' he revels now without controul,_ + _Yet she shall Sing, when 'tis his turn to howl._ + +This Good-Woman's Death, was very welcome to her unkind Husband, who had +now no Body to controul him in his wicked Courses; but the Bawd the Whore +and himself had a merry Meeting the next day after she was buried; and +being well flushed with Wine, the Jilt thus began to Triumph: + +_Whore._ Well now, my Dear, we shall be all at ease; and I am rid of them +that hated me: For my Part I am resolv'd to mourn in Sack; for now I need +not fear her Spies that us'd to be still harkening at the Door; that I +cou'd hardly let a Fart, but it was carryed to her straight by one or +other. Now she can hear us talk no more unless her Ghost walks, and I'll +venture that; Come, Drink to me, my Dear, I'll pledge it, tho 'twere o'er +her Grave: My Chuck! Thou'rt the best Friend I have: For all her spite, I +always found thee constant: And what I had was still at thy command, and +Day nor Night I ne'er refus'd thee all the Pleasures I could give thee. And +I am sure study'd to delight thee all I cou'd, and so did never thy black +_Joan_, thou knowst. + + _Now thou art mine, come take a Thousand Kisses,_ + _There's none that now can keep us from our Blisses,_ + +_Prodigal._ My Love, thou know'st I have been always true to thee, and so +will ever be; and I'll say that for thee, thou never deny'dst me yet to +kiss and feel, when I'd a Mind to't. And I am glad to find thee art so +witty: But thou art nothing but Charms; methinks I see the Lilly and the +Rose (as heretofore they did 'twixt _York_ and _Lancaster_) are once again +contending in thy Cheeks; and thy Eyes sparkle like two Diamonds; Come, let +me now embrace thee in my Arms; nay never fear, here's none that will +disturb us--for she that us'd to make us both so cautious is now laid low +enough, & will disturb us here no more, I hope. + + _Then come, my Dear, let Pleasure now delight us:_ + _Th' old Hag is gone, & will no more affright-us._ + +_Bawd._ Why now it is as't shou'd be: Such a brisk Wench as this is, makes +young Blood boyl within your Veins again. Then what shou'd hinder you from +the enjoying of each other. For my part, tho' I'm past it, I love the Sport +still, and take pleasure in seeing others do it: And therefore while you +take a Touch together, I'll drink your Healths in good Canary here. I am +glad to see that you are both so brisk, and meet each other with such equal +Flames; it does me good methinks to see the Trade go forward: Nay, I be'nt +so much past it neither, but I could serve a man upon occasion, and take a +Touch or two as well as one that's younger; for I know what belongs to't +pretty well.--Well Master, I am sure you have found what I Promis'd you, +when I first brought you two together: I must likewise own that I have +tasted of your Bounty: And therefore cannot but rejoyce that you are thus +deliver'd from that Old Witch that kept you from enjoying of your Pleasures +with that delight and freedom as you may do now. + +Thus did these wicked Wretches Triumph over the Ashes of a vertuous Woman; +and made a Cully of the Poor Prodigal her Husband: From whom they now +commanded what they pleas'd: And for a time went on so; for as long as he +could find 'em Money, all was well; but when he had Morgag'd his Estate +twice over, and had spent all his Money, that he could help 'em to no more, +the case was so far alter'd that he was then refus'd to be admited into +their Company. For tho before he was her Chuck and Dear, and she wou'd +never forsake him; yet when his Money was all gone, she took new Lodgings +at the other End of the Town, where he cou'd never find her. And when he +went to see the Bawd, that she might tell him where she was, she had +forsaken her old Quarters to, and he no more knew where to find her then he +did his Trull. His Children were took care of by his Wife's Relations, or +else they must have gone a begging. Whilst he being threatned with a Goal +for Mortgaging his Lands twice over, was fain to Skulk about, and to play +least in sight: Thus he that but a while ago profusely spent his Money on a +Whore, was now reduc'd to that condition that he wanted Bread: Whilst both +the Bawd and Whore which he had wasted all upon, forsook him without so +much as minding what became of him; but left him poor and penniless, to +seek his Bread where he could get it. And thus deserted by the Whore, and +hated by all honest People, and haunted by a guilty self-accusing +Conscience, he became a Burthen to himself: Cursing the Day in which he +harkned to the Bawd's Insinuations, by whose means he was thus drawn in, to +ruine both himself and all his Family: And being almost starv'd for want of +Sustenance, o'er-come with Grief and black Despair, he dy'd. + + HIS EPITAPH. + + _Here lies a Man who would not Warning take,_ + _And now for others may a Warning make:_ + _He spent his Substance upon _Bawds_ and _Whores_,_ + _Destroy'd his Wife, turn'd's Children out of Doors._ + _And yet when all was spent, and he grown Poor,_ + _He was forsaken both by _Bawd_ and _Whore_._ + _Let all henceforth of _Bawds_ and _Whores_ beware,_ + _By whom he was betray'd to black Despair._ + + _Thus Reader, by this Story thou may'st see_ + _How by Lewd Women Men deluded be:_ + _The _Bawd's_ the Setter, and the Shameless _Whore__ + _Sucks him so dry, she quickly makes him Poor._ + _First of his Wit, then of his Wealth bereaves him;_ + _And when she has got all she can, she leaves him._ + _Then let all Mankind loath this filthy Jade,_ + _Since Ruin and Destruction is her Trade._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. V. + + _How an _Irish-Footman_ was drawn into a Bawdy-House and what + followed._ + +It happen'd not long since that a _Dear Joy_ for his Dexterity in running, +was entertain'd into the Service of an English-Gentleman, who had put him +into a good new Livery; and his Master having occasion to send him for a +pair of Shooes he had bespoke, gave him five Shillings to pay for them; +which a Bawd happening to see, and over-hear, thought presently she might +bring in _Teague_ for a Customer; and therefore as soon as he had parted +with his Master, she catches hold of him, as he came by her door & told him +that a Countrey-man of his was within, and had a great Mind to drink one +Pot of Ale with him; _A Country Mons of mine_, says the Shamrogshire Nimble +Heels! _Now Pox tauk you but me tank you for your Loof, and be me Shoul, so +mush baust as I been, I shall mauk Drink upon my Country-Mons; for fait and +trot now dear Joy, Eirish Mons never been base_; and so in a doors he +comes; and the Bawd has him into a Room presently, and tells him she'll go +call his Country-man; but instead of his Country-man, sends in a Whore to +him; who at her coming, thus accosted him, Country-man I am very glad to +see you; I have got a Pot of Ale at your Service for St. _Patrick_'s sake; +and the old Bawd having brought in a Pot, the Wench takes it up, Here, says +she, here's a good health to St. _Patrick_: _Wid all mine heart_, said the +Teague-Lander, _& Pox tauk me as I no mauk Pledge upon him_; and thereupon +pledg'd her, & drank a good draught; and then the Jade beginning to be +sweet upon him, he was so well pleas'd, that he forgot his Errant; and fell +a kissing her; upon which she ask'd him to go up stairs, to which he +readily consented: and there she let him take all the Liberty he had a Mind +to; for which to recompence her, the Bog-trotter gave her Six-pence.--But +when he came down, the Bawd ask'd him how he lik'd his Country-Woman, and +whether she had pleas'd him? _Fait and Trot now, dear Joy_, says he, _I +have made very good like upon her; the Devil confound-ye, but she's a foin +Lass and a Cuttin-down-lass: And I have maud pay a whole half Shilling for +her Business_; and so he was a going out of door; but the Bawd Pulling him +by the Coat, Hold Sir, says she, Do you think I can keep Wenches at this +rate? _Bridget_, says she, what did this man do, and what did he give you? +He did what he wou'd, answer'd the Whore; he danc'd the Corranto's two or +three times; and might have done it oftner if he wou'd: But he gave me but +Sixpence: How Wench, says the old Bawd, but Sixpence! Why who shall pay the +rest? I thought Sir you wou'd have been more open-handed, I sell no +Coranto's at such rates. Five Shillings is the lowest Price I take of any; +and that you are like to give me before you and I part; and so shut the +Door upon him. Poor _Teague_ found he was in a bad condition; and was glad +to part with his Money, that he might get out of her Clutches. And instead +of carrying home his Masters Shoes, he was forc'd to tell his Master he had +gotten a Misfortune, and some Rogue or other had made pick upon his pocket: +but his Master not being Satisfied with that account, examin'd into the +matter more narrowly, and at last found out the whole Truth; and striping +the Dear Joy of his new Livery, turn'd him out of his Service, that he +might have the more leisure to make another Visit to his Country-woman. But +alas! He had no need to Visit her again, for she had done his Business +already, having so pepper'd him with the Pox, that in a little time he was +neither able to go nor stand. And not having Money to pay for his Cure, he +perish'd for want of that assistance that others, who are better furnished, +can purchase. + + _Thus still the Bawd drives on her Trade of Sin;_ + _By whom unthinking Fools are often drawn in_ + _Her Feet are Snares, infectious is her Breath;_ + _The Pox her Punishment, her end is Death._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. VI. + + _Of a Ladies Steward that was drawn in by a Bawd, and turn'd out into + the Street naked._ + +A Bawd of the better sort, that us'd to provide Jilts for Men of figure, +had appointed a Person of Quality whom she was to furnish with a fresh Bit, +to meet her at a certain Tavern near _West-Smithfield_; and waiting there +for him, it happen'd that there came into the next Room a Country +Gentleman, who was a Steward to a Lady of a good Estate, and another +Gentleman who liv'd in _London_, and was to pay him fifty Guineas, which he +also did. After he had paid his Money, and the Steward had given him a +Receipt, they drank a Glass of Wine together, and talk'd of their +Acquaintance in the Country; and then the Steward ask'd how such and such +Persons did in _London_, and the Gentleman answer'd him accordingly: Among +others the Gentleman ask'd him if he did'nt know Mrs. _Pierpoint_? I did +know her formerly, said the Steward; but 'tis so long since I saw her, that +I have now quite forgot her: She's grown ancient, says the Gentleman, but +she has a Daughter that is a very fine Woman: Is she married says the +Steward? No, says the Gentleman, but she deserves a good Husband, for she's +very Handsome; and not only so, but she has a good Portion. After this +Discourse, the Gentleman takes a Glass, Come Mr. _Brightwell_ said he, to +the Steward, here's a good Health to Mrs. _Pierpoint_ and her Daughter Mrs. +_Betty_; withal my heart replied Mr. _Brightwel_, (for that was the +Steward's Name) and then he drank to the Gentleman, remembring all their +Friends in _Bedfordshire_, especially at _Hargrave_. All these Passages the +Bawd, who waited for one to come to her, in the next Room, heard +distinctly, and took especial Notice of them; determining in herself to +make some use of them: For she had a very great mind to be fingering of the +fifty Guineas, and was laying a Plot how to come at them. And since the Man +of Quality that was to meet her fail'd, she was resolv'd not to spend her +time altogether idly. And therefore having Paid for the Pint of Wine she +had call'd for, she attended the two Gentlemens motion; and finding they +were ready to go (she having taken a distinct view of them thro' a hole in +the wall) went out first herself, and waited in a convenient place for +their coming out, which was soon after. When they were parted, one going +towards _Long Lane_, and the other through St. _Bartholomews Hospital_, the +Bawd made it her Business to wait upon the Ladies Steward, who had the +Fifty Guinea's (which was the Prize she aim'd at) she takes an opportunity +of getting before him, and then meeting him in _Long-Lane_: And just as she +came at him, making a stand, I think, Sir, said she to him I shou'd know +you: If I been't mistaken, your'e a _Bedfordshire_ Man: I am so, Madam, +says the Steward: Then Sir, says she, I presume your Name's _Brightwell_. +Yes, Madam, said he, it is so; but I don't know you: No, Sir, says she, I +believe you have forgot me; but my Name's _Pierpoint_: _Brightwel_ hearing +her say so, was a little surpriz'd, and started: How Madam, said he, +_Pierpoint_! Yes Sir, says she, you han't forgot _Pierpoint_ of _Hargrave_, +I suppose; I have some small Estate there still: Madam says he, I am very +glad to see you; It is not an hour ago since I was Drinking your Health: I +hope your good Daughter's very well: She's very well at your Service, Sir, +replyed the old Crone; and I hope, Sir, you'l do me the honour to go and +see her: I'll wait upon you another time, Madam, said he, but I an't in a +condition to wait upon a young Lady now; O you are very well, reply'd she; +come, you shall go along with me; and taking him by the Hand, leads him +along with her: The Steward was the more willing to go, upon the account of +what the Gentleman had said to him at the Tavern about _Mrs. Pierpoint_ and +her Daughter, and so went with her the more easily. + +As they went along together, she ask'd him about several Persons in the +Country, which she had hear the Gentleman and he talk of; So that he had no +manner of doubt but that this was the very Person she pretended to be. And +among other things, she ask'd him who it was that he was drinking her +Health with to day, as he was talking; and he telling her it was one Mr. +_Hanwel_ she presently describ'd his Person, which she had seen at the +Tavern with him. At last she brings him to her house, which was in an Alley +on the back-side of _St. Jones_'s Lane, and has him into a Parlour very +well furnished; and then tells him She'll go and fetch her Daughter: And +goes to one of her first-rate Girls, and having given her her Lesson, has +her into the Steward, who Complements her to a great degree, and told her +he had heard a very good Character to her, both as to her Beauty and Parts; +but that he found they came far short of what she merited; & added, that he +thought himself very happy in Meeting with her Mother, because by that +means he had the Honour of being introduc'd into her good Company.--The +Jilt knew whom She was to personate, and carry'd herself is demurely as +cou'd be; but both the Bawd and She ply'd him with good store of Wine, +which made the Steward very merry and frollicksome, and according as Mrs. +_Betty_ found him, She put her self forward. But it beginning to grow late, +_Brightnel_ would have been gone, but the pretended Mrs. _Pierpoint_ would +by no means suffer him to go, till he had supp'd, which was a getting ready +on Purpose for him, by which means he was drawn to to stay till supper was +ready; and to make the time seem less tedious, the old Bawd calls for a +Pack of Cards, and sets her pretended Daughter and he to play a Game of +_Cribbage_ together. At last Supper was brought in, and her Servants +waiting upon them at Table, like a Person of Quality; Mrs. _Pierpoint_ +every now and then Drinking a Health, sometimes to Mr. _Hanwel_, and by and +by to all their Friends at _Hargrave_; then to his good Health, which +engag'd him to drink theirs: Till Supper being ended, the Bawd ask'd one of +her Servants what a Clock it was? Who answered, Past Eleven: The Gentleman +at this begins to get up, to be going; but it was now too late, and they +would by no means let him at that time of Night; to which end they urg'd +that it was an obscure place they liv'd in, and it might be very dangerous +(tho his greatest danger was in being there) and that he shou'd have a good +Bed at his Service there: The Gentleman finding himself almost fluster'd, +and thinking he was secure where he was, agreed to stay till the next +Morning: Upon which the t'other Bottle of Wine was brought in, & then he +began to be very frollicksome, and would needs be Kissing Miss _Betty_, who +pretended a great kindness for him; which pleas'd _Brightwel_ so much, that +he wou'd'nt go to Bed without she'd lie with him; which she not only +promis'd, but was as good as her word; yet engages him to take no notice of +it to her Mother, and then as soon as he was a Bed, she'd come to him: +Accordingly, after he was a Bed, she comes to Bed to him, as she before had +promis'd: And after they had both gratify'd their wanton desires, the Whore +professing a great deal of Love to him, and pretending she shou'd never be +happy till they were married, Miss _Betty_ all of a sudden pretends to want +the Chamber-pot, which she desir'd him to help her to, who feeling about +for it for sometime, cou'd'nt find it; upon which she told him she +remember'd the Maid left it in the Window and desir'd him to reach it +there; which he going to do, and treading upon a Trap door, it presently +gave away; and down fell our Amorous Spark into the Alley; his Fall was but +little, and so did but stun him for the present, and his being only in his +Shirt quickly made him sensible of the cold; As soon as he came to himself +he got up, and it being very dark, he knew neither where he was, nor which +way to go; but endeavouring to find a door, he went on till he came to +_Clerken well-green_; where seeing a Light at the Watch-house, he went +thither; a Person all in white being seen by one of the Watch-men, he gave +notice of it to the Constable; who with his whole Watch was very much +affrighted, and began to exorcise this supposed Spirit; who being almost +dead with cold, (for it was cold frosty Weather) told them he was no Ghost, +but Flesh and Blood as they were; but Mr. _Constable_ was loth to believe +him upon his own Word, and therefore commanding him to stand, sent one of +the most Couragious of his Watch-men to see whether it was so or no; who +having found him to be what he said, he was taken into the Watch house, and +put to the Fire, and examined how he came into that condition; who gave the +_Constable_ an account how he met with one Mrs _Pierpoint_ his +Country-woman, by whom he was invited to her House, and what befell him +there, related: But neither _Constable_ nor any of the Watch-men knowing +any such Person, they supposed rightly that he had been drawn in by a Bawd, +and had lain with a Whore, who had together Cheated him of what he had. For +by a Ring on his Finger, and the Gold Buttons on his Shirt, which was all +he carried off, they supposed his other Rigging was suitable thereto; which +made Mr. _Constable_ so kind as to lend him his Night-gown, to cover his +Nakedness. And likewise to offer him his assistance, to recover his Losses; +but being in the dark he was altogether a Stranger to the Place, that he +could give 'em no manner of Directions, so that it was but like seeking a +Needle in a Bottle of Hay. However they went and search'd several of the +most notorious reputed Bawdy-Houses, but found nothing, and had only their +Labour for their Pains: Whilst the Bawd and the Whore triumph'd in their +wickedness, and were glad they had met with so easy a Cully, from whom they +had obtain'd so good a Booty. + +In the Morning our reduc'd Gallant sent a Messenger to Mr. _Hanwell_ to +come to him, and related to him the unhappy Rencounter he had met with from +Mrs. _Pierpoint_; who soon perceived how he had been impos'd upon; and +furnish'd him with more money to new Rig himself, and supply his occasions, +ere he durst appear before his Lady; Mr. _Hanwel_ promising him, when he +was at leisure, he wou'd have him to the true Mrs. _Pierpoint_, from whom +he engag'd he shou'd meet with better entertainment than he did from the +Counterfeit one. + + _Thus still the Bawd does her old Game pursue;_ + _Her End's the same, altho' her Method's New._ + _Her Baits are various, which she still does suit_ + _To ruin those that love forbidden Fruit._ + _And by her Management of things we find,_ + _She's one knows how to Sail with every Wind._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. VII. + + _How a Citizen went to a Bawdy-House for a Whore, and the Bawd helpt + him to his own Wife._ + +A Certain Citizen in _London_, in the late times had a very fine Woman to +his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she +might have deserved the first rank among Women: But Lust had so great an +Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong +desires to the Delights of _Venus_: And therefore having Communicated her +Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the +Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both Sexes, she told her that for a +Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she +might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both +receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first +Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten +Shillings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will +very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the +House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she +cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport +therewith. + +To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer: + +_I have as genteel a House as most in _London_, with several Chambers very +well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a +Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a +mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as +in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and +every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in +the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they +please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to +her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this +means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the +Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd._ + +But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant +Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do, +that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied +the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and +so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have +their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he +knows her hour, he will come accordingly.--Now you your self can best judge +what hour will be fittest for you--That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says +she.--Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll +tell you what you shall do--Why, says she, many times I rise at five a +Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to +the Lecture at St. _Antholines_, which is done a little before Eight, and +then I return home; and at Ten--Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more; +There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and +therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the +only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at +home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a +Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's +contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and +Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time +went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very +well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than +she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one +morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he +follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she +going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a +mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame +himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her. + +All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the +Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person +that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she +not only satisfied her Lustful Desires, but was supplied with Money +likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him +more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought +himself as happy in her, as any Man in _London_ was in a Wife: So true is +that Proverb, Than _What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not_. + +But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this, +tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since +this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty +having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with +an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was +absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the +Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and +she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon +which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her. + +The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just +Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that +suffer'd most by this new _Interloper_; which rendered her so Malicious, +that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart +shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the +following Letter to her Husband. + +To Mr. _R----d S----n_, _These:_ + +SIR, + +_Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet the +Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your good +Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prostitutes her Chastity, to every +libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and Dishonouring +the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so much. And tho' +an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be believed; Yet if you will +but give your self the Trouble of following her _Incognito_ any Morning, +you may easily satisfy your self, whether the Account I have given you be +true or no: And the better to enable you to detect her in her Lewd +Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a little while, you may go in +after her; altho' without a Particular Recommendation, you will hardly be +admitted; and therefore if you please to ask for the Gentlewoman of the +House, and tell her you was directed thither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a +Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em; +and after that, you may proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of +the Truth of what I say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you +find it so, I am sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the +Office of,_ + +Your unknown Friend, + +_A.B._ + +This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it only +into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read it, he +was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of Intelligence, +that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of opinion that it +was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in so Vertuous a +Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was reffer'd to so easie a +Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something more in it then so: Upon +which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till he had made a farther Trial. +And therefore that afternoon, pretends to have Receive'd a Letter obliging +him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning between Four and Five a Clock at +_Westminster_ to treat with him about a parcel of Goods which he was to go +and see, and should not be back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean +time get's him a very Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a +Friends House; ready to put on in the Morning when he came thither. The +next Morning rises very early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to +his Friends House, and accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had +so disguis'd him, that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself +'twas the same Man. In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Glass +of Purl at an Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his +Wife came out; who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Glass of +Purl, and follows her: And she going towards St. _Antholin's_ Church, he +began to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly +convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross over +the way to the Back-side of St. _Thomas Apostles_, and there go into a +House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an hour, and +then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in himself, and +ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old Bawd appearing, +Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? Yes, Sir, says she, +for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have with me? Why, Madam, +says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly Convenience, and I am inform'd +you can help me to one. At which the Bawd look'd a little strangely upon +him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I hope, you don't take me for a +Bawd; if you do, I assure you, you are come to the wrong House; And I'd +have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of Person. Madam, replyed he, if I +have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but I was directed hither by _Tom +Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the +Bawd heard him say so, she began to look more pleasingly upon him, and +desir'd him to walk up Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the +Dining-Room, where he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And +making Choice of that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the +Enjoyment of this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest? +Why truly, Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's +another Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I +wonder he isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't +recommend any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No, +Sir, says she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he, +you ought to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, _First +come, first serv'd_: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought +so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the +Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he +cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am now +come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which she +answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome to all +the Pleasure I can give you:--What must the Purchase be of so much +happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am no +Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one before-hand; +but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to whose Generosity +I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, (continued she) for I +am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, the Disguis'd Beau fell +to, _sans_ further Ceremony, And whilst they were a Dancing and Acting the +delights of _Venus_, the Bells of St. _Antholins_ Rung very sweetly, which +made her say, whilst she was thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, _O how +sweetiy St. _Antholin_'s Bells Ring_! Which she Repeated over as oft as +they renew'd their Pleasures.--As soon as they had finish'd their +Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, seem'd +well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew without +Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. _Ant'lin_'s Lecture being done, +according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd only been at her +Devotions. + +When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, he +return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no Notice of +what had pass'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to Bed, he had a +mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage things at home +as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much more Dull, he told +her St. _Ant'lin_'s Bells didn't Ring half so sweetly then as as they did +i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long as here it is much cheaper, I +like it full as well: His Wife was so confounded at the Words, she knew not +what to say at first; nor cou'd she guess how he shou'd know that she had +spoke such Words in the Morning: At last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain +himself; and therefore ask'd him what he meant by those expressions--Nay, +what did you mean by 'em, says he, when you repeated them so often in the +Morning? How, says she, in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning? +Yes, Madam, says he somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the +Morning, when I lay with you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant, +in such a place, and gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you +then, said she, that was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. _Impudence_, +says he, that it was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning, +without blushing? To what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very +confidently? For if I do, you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why +you shou'd call me _Impudence_; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and +as for my being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about +one Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own +Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I should +be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own performances at +home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you don't, blame your +self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The contented Man hearing his +Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do better for the time to come; +and she on that condition promising him to go no more to St. _Antholin's_ +to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, they forgave one another, and were both +Freinds. + + _Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,_ + _And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:_ + _And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high_ + _Their lusts are more than they can satisfie._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. IX. + + _How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through the + Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd + thereupon._ + +An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a +_Goldsmiths_ Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, that +nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was altogether at a +Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance either with her or +her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a Bawd, who had several +times assisted him in his Love Intreagues, and tells her at what a non-plus +he was how to accomplish his Design: The Bawd at first persuades him off of +her, and promises to help him to one that shall not only equal but surpass +her: But all that was in vain, for nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very +Person. Well, says this Mistress in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you +how you shall obtain your Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but +that, says he, and you'll oblige me for ever,--Well then, says she, you +must take an opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some +little Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often, +buying sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have +brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, you +cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure has +the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if money be +the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making Presents to +her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd her counsel +very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took an opportunity +to buy a Silver _Snush-Box_; and having before bought some fine French +Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by cracking of them, had +an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and gaze more on that Beauty +which had already overcome him. In two or three days after, he comes again +and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, and then brought some +peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; and a Week after buys +some other odd things; and still brought something or other which he +presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as the Effect of his +good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no apprehension of his being her +humble Servant. After he had drove this Trade of being a constant Customer +to the Shop for several Weeks together, and had made no farther progress of +his Amours save to be look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or +twice invited to Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down +into the Shop, to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to +acquaint her somewhat darkly with his Passion, which she either did not, or +wou'd not understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to +the Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there +was of attaining his end. + +The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an +Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Passion, he had brought things +to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said she, that +you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the last +Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you shall +proceed. + +He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some _Knick knacks_ +there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of her, letting +it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many Errands hither, +but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, and your +incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my heart as +will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compassion will grant me a +Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of your Love, and +Beauty.--I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that poor Stock of Beauty I +am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal Effects as those you speak of. +But 'tis the common Theam that you are pleas'd to entertain our Sex withal, +tho there be nothing in it. However, 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly +to love at that rate, where you can have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am +otherways dispos'd of: And there are young Ladies enough that are single, +that are more worthy of you. I question not Madam, _replyed he_, but I +might have choice of Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me, +and therefore 'tis you alone that can effect my Care.--What wou'd you have +me do to cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the +Enjoyment of your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she, +wou'd you have me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think +he'd take it? E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him +know it; but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your +Counsel, I shall take nothing from him he can miss.--Hold, Sir, says she, +you talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will +be two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont--But here's my +Husband coming, says the Jilt--Indeed Sir; I have sold you a Pen'worth in +it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then into the Shop) +the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her Discourse, told +her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he was satisfied. And +then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what he paid for it, he +told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he took his leave of 'em; +and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her what had past. You may +depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; but you must Fee her +pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; for tho he had a great +mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too much charge Which the +Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to carry her under a +Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, if you will give me +but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point without being at any +Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll promise you the five +Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, Sir, says the Bawd, I'll +have my Money in hand; for you know, we never trust. Well, says he, here's +your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now let me know your Method. Upon +which the Bawd thus began. + +Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear upon +your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I woud'nt +part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above Four-score, +and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to give her that, +this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of five Guineas for +nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such matter; but you +won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you are disappointed +of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that you have a Present +occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him to let you have, and +you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean time; and that as soon +as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every day, you'll pay him +again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because he runs no hazzard in +it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you have got these fifty +Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find +she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do +but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must +tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her +the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.--A Pox take ye, for an +Old Bitch, says he, in a kind of Passion; is this the way to bring me off +for nothing?--You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done +first, and then talk your Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty +Guineas; and when you have enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the +Chamber, or the Shop, until her Husband does come in: And when you see him, +tell him you have receiv'd the Bill that you expected, and have brought the +fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so +desire him to let you have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour) +can do no less than own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must +restore your Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come +off for nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance, +says he, and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly +guarded by thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot +extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution. + +Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on his +Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty Guinea's +he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he pulls his +Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: The +Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy Guineas for +it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't part with it; +only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a Bill that I +expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let me have fifty +Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a Fortnight or three +Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you shall think reasonable +for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the fifty Guineas be desir'd, +and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking his leave, goes home very +well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far prosperously. + +In two or three days after, he goes to make a Visit to the Goldsmith's +Wife; and it fell out in such a lucky minute, that her Husband was from +home; whereby he had an opportunity with the more freedom to renew his +Suit; and tho' he arm'd himself with all the Charms he cou'd, taking the +Auxiliary helps both of the _Tayler_, _Barber_, and _Perfumer_; yet it all +wou'd not do: Fain he'd ha'd sav'd running the hazard of his fifty Guineas; +but when he found he cou'd not without such a Present obtain his wish'd +Enjoyment, he as his last Effort, address'd her thus: Well, Madam; I do +perceive you are of kin to _Danae_, whom _Jove_ himself could not prevail +upon until he courted her in Showers of Gold, an that dissolv'd her quickly +into Love; & I intend to follow his Example, and to Enjoy your Favour I +make this Present to you, and, therewithal gave her the fifty Guineas. And +this had so soon molified her Stubborness, and made her maleable, that she +straight made him this agreeable Return; Well, Sir, I see you are so much a +Gentleman, that I scarce know how to deny you any longer: Your Amiable +Person and good Humour, has over-come me so, I can no longer make +Resistance, but offer my self to your Embraces. The Gallant then enquir'd +if all were safe below, and if they shou'd not be in danger of meeting any +Interruption from her Husband. To which she bid him never fear, all was +secure enough. And then conducting him into the Chamber, she let him have +what he so much desir'd. When he had thus debauch'd her, and satisfy'd his +Lustful Appetite, he ask'd her how long 'twould be before her Husband wou'd +be at home again, she told him he was gone out of Town; and wou'd not be at +home this Ten-days. At which he seem'd to be surpriz'd, for he was loath to +be without his Ring so long; but since there was no Remedy, he was resolv'd +to wait till he came home. His Mistress seeing him so indifferent at the +hearing of her Husbands Absence, cou'd not tell what to think shou'd be the +reason of it; and ask'd him what 'twas troubled him? Nothing, my Dear, said +he, but I was thinking how crosly things fell out; because my own Affairs +obliges me to be some Days out of Town just at this happy Juncture, when I +might have been blest so oft with your Embraces. The cunning Baggage (now +she had got his fifty Guinea's) was as indifferent as he for that, and told +him Time might present 'em with another opportunity which might be full as +favourable. And so they parted. + +The Spark was satisfied with the enjoyment of his Lady, and that Itch now +was Cur'd; he only wanted back his Ring, or else his fifty Guineas, that he +might demand it of her Husband; and now reflecting on his short liv'd +Pleasure, he truly judg'd that he had bought it at too dear a Rate, altho' +he should be only at the Five Guineas Charge he gave the Bawd. + +But since the Goldsmith's being out of Town was such a Disappointed as +cou'd not be fore-seen, & yet had been extreamly serviceable to him in the +Enjoyment of his Mistress, he goes to the Old Bawd, and gives her an +Account of what had pass'd, and asks her further how he must proceed in +getting of his Ring again, without repaying of the Fifty Guineas? Give me +the other Fee, says the Old Jade, and I'll inform you; for I am like a +Lawyer, and don't know how to speak without a Fee. No, no, says he, I have +Feed enough before, nor would I give so much again, for all the Pleasure +her Enjoyment gave me.--The Bawd, (since she saw nothing more was to be got +by him) advises him to wait the Goldsmiths coming home, and then take a fit +opportunity to go to her alone, and to pretend he was just come to Town; +and to desire another Assignation from her, which being made, and you +having once more Enjoy'd her, stay till her Husband comes, and do as you +were first directed. And when you have got your Ring again, I hope you'll +then present me with two Guineas more.--No, not a Farthing more, says he, +you know I paid you very well before-hand: And so left her. + +The Bawd perceiving nothing more was to be got from him, resolv'd she wou'd +be even with him, and take another Course to make a Penny of him: And +thereupon goes the next Morning to the Goldsmith's Shop, and asks the +Prentice if his Mistress was within; He answers, Yes, and she reply'd she +must needs speak with her, who coming down, the Bawd Whispers her in the +Ear, that she had something to acquaint her with, of great Importance to +her; which was not fit to be discours'd of Publickly: And thereupon the +Mistress ask'd her to walk up, and leading of her into a with-drawing Room, +desir'd her to sit down, and then intreated her to tell her Business; upon +which the Bawd began as followeth. + +Madam. + +_Altho' I am a Stranger to you, I doubt not but you will excuse the +rudeness of this Visit, when you shall know 'twas only the Concern I have +to see a lady of your Worth and Beauty, so much Design'd upon and Trick'd, +as you are like to be, that has occasion'd it: I Know therefore, Madam, +that there's a Gentleman, who has been for some time a great Admirer of +your Matchless Beauty, which truly does deserve all those Encomiums that I +have often heard him justly give it. This Gentleman, under the Notion of a +Customer, has made you many Visits: And has been pleas'd (I know not for +what reason) to make me his Confident; of which I need give you no further +Instant, then that he has acquainted me that but a few Days past he gave +you fifty Guineas, for which by way of Gratitude, he was admitted to enjoy +your last Favours_:--_Here the Young Lady interrupted her, all Blushing and +Confus'd_; Madam, you've fully satisfy'd me, _said she_, that that false +man has let you know my Weakness, and most ungratefully expos'd my Honour, +and betray'd me to the world.--_Nay, Madam_; said the Bawd, _be not so +passionate; I don't believe he has acquainted any with it, but myself. Nor +let the thoughts of that at all disturb you; for, that's a Crime that I +have known, for more than thirty-Years, the rest of all our Sex has scarce +been free from. But that which more stirs up my Spleen against him, is for +the Trick he designs to put upon you still; which is the only reason of my +giving you this trouble_. You will oblige me in it very much, _reply'd the +Goldsmith's Wife_. _Then this_ says the Bawd, _it is. He understands your +Husband is now out of Town; and will be so for Seven or Eight Days time. As +soon as he comes home, your Gallant will be with you to appoint him a time +in which he may again enjoy your Favour; which when he has enjoy'd, he does +intend to tarry till your Husband shall come in, and then accquaint him +that he has paid to him the fifty Guineas that he borrow'd of him on his +Ring; and so desire that he may have his Ring again; which is the thing he +aims at. For he well knows, that when you shall be askt whether or no you +have receiv'd the 50 Guineas, your Honour is so far concern'd, you can't +deny it_. O Treach'rous Villian _said the She Goldsmith, with some +indignation_, Is this the Generosity he so much boasted of? _Yes, Madam_, +says the Bawd, _this is what he designs to do; But I am so concerned to see +a Lady of your Worth so basely and ingratefully impos'd upon, I could not +but discover it: And if you wou'd be rul'd by me, you shou'd out-Trick the +Fop, and catch him in the Snare he'd lay for you._--O I'd do any thing to +be reveng'd on him, _cry'd the young Lady with some eagerness_: And do but +tell me how, and Keep my Counsel, and I'll so well reward you for your +Pains, that you shall say I'm grateful.--_Then Madam_, says the Bawd, _as +soon as your Husband comes to Town, before he comes to know of it, send one +to tell him that you must needs speak with him about earnest Business, and +when he's come, tell him that you expect your Husband the next day; and +therefore beg the Favour of him to let you have his Company that Night, and +as an Earnest of your Love to him, & that he should not think you +mercenary, you'll both return him Fifty Guineas, and give him back the Ring +he gave your Husband for a Pawn: And tell him likewise you have engag'd the +Maid to Secresie; for which if he presents her with a Guinea, 'tis all he +needs to do: This will, I'm sure engage him; for he's as Covetous as he is +Lustful: And when he's thus engag'd, in the next place acquaint your +Husband how you cou'd scarce have any quiet in his absence from this young +Spark's continual Solicitations to unlawful Love. Then tell him that you +have appointed him to come that Evening, of which you thought fit to +acquaint him, that he might give him that Correction which he saw +necessary, to cool his too hot Blood: This will so much confirm your +Husband in his opinion of your inviolable Chastity, that all your +Treacherous Gallant shall offer to the contrary will be look'd upon as the +Effect of Malice and Revenge. Thus you'll confirm your Reputation to the +World, and keep these Fifty Guineas he designs to cheat you out of, and be +sufficiently reveng'd on an ungrateful Man._ + +_Well_ (says the injur'd Gentlewoman) _I'm pleas'd with your Contrivance; +keep but my Counsel, and you shall see my Vengeance on this ungrateful +Wretch, and with how just a Retribution I shall use him for his intended +Villany. And that you may be sensible you have not lost your Labour, accept +of this_; and therewithal she put Ten Guineas in her hand, and promis'd her +a further Token of her Gratitude: And so dismist her.--The Bawd was well +pleas'd with the Mornings Work she'd made; and finding that the Goldsmith's +Wife was like to be the better Customer, she hugg'd her self for her +contrivance, and her Treachery to the Cully Beau. + +That Afternoon the _Wrathful Lady_ receiv'd a Letter from her Husband, that +he intended to be in Town the _Thursday_ following, and desir'd her to meet +him that day at _Hammersmith_ about noon, where he wou'd dine with her, and +so come home together. She therefore sent a Messenger to tell her +Treacherous Lover she must needs speak with him on _Thursday Morning_, for +she had something of Moment to impart to him; who presently on the +receiving of this Note, came to her, fearing there might be some Discovery +of their Love-enjoyment. + +As soon as he was come, she tells him she was extreamly Troubled she had +not seen him since; and that she never had enjoy'd more pleasure than in +his Embraces; and understanding that her Husband wou'd be at home on +_Friday Night_, she had contriv'd things so, that he might freely, and +without Interruption, lie with her on _Thursday Night_. Which she desir'd +on the Account of that affection which she had for him, and of the Pleasure +which she took in his Embraces; and that he might be satisfy'd 'twas so, +she did engage the next Morning to present him with his Fifty Guineas, +which, she was sorry that she had took of him: And as a further Testimony +of it, if he could but procure things necessary for the picking of the +Locks belonging to her Husbands Cabinet, she'd give him back the Diamond +Ring he gave her Husband as a Pledge for fifty Guineas; and, as occasion +offer'd, wou'd be very grateful to him otherways. + +These _Generous Offers_ overcame the Spark to all Intents and purposes; and +he wou'd fain have been a dabling with her then; But she forbid him, and +told him 'twas not at that time convenient, but she had order'd matters so, +that when he came on _Thursday-night,_ there shou'd be nothing that shou'd +interrupt them. Telling him further, she had made the Maid acquainted with +their Secrets, who was intirely in their Interests, and that it wou'd not +be amiss to give her something as an Encouragement: And thereupon, calling +the Maid to fetch a Bottle of Wine, he gave her half a Guinea, and told +her, _that was but an Earnest of that which he intended her to +Morrow-night_. And then drinking his Wine up, he gave his Mistress a +Salute, and took his leave; she bidding him besure not to forget to bring +the _Picklocks_ with him, that she might help him to the Ring. + +The Plot being thus laid, on _Thursday-Morning_, she prepares to meet her +Husband; having before acquainted her Maid with her Design, who mightily +commended both her Honesty and Ingenuity, for she knew nothing of what had +before past between 'em. + +Being come to _Hammersmith_, and meeting with her Husband there, she told +him she had something to say to him privately that did as much concern his +Honour as her own: And then, as they were walking together in the Garden +she thus began to tell him her Design. + +My Dear, + +_I doubt not but you are well satisfied that I have all along took care in +all my Actions still to approve my self _(what you shall ever find me) a +chaste and vertuous Wife_, and tho' I am not sensible I ever gave +encouragement to any lustful Eyes to cast a wanton Glance at me yet so it +is, I have been solicited to commit Folly both against Heaven and you, with +that young Gentleman to whom you lent the 50 Guineas on the Diamond Ring; & +tho' I have as oft deny'd his Suit as he has made it, yet he continues his +Solicitations still; and has been so importunate of late that I could +scarce be ever quiet for him: And therefore being with me Yesterday, & +urging me for my Consent to his unlawful Amours, I did appoint him to come +to me this Night; having before receiv'd your Letter, by which I knew you +wou'd be then at home. The lustful Fool is extream Confident that I will +yield to his Desires; & since he wants no Money I thought it best to seem +to yield to him, that having caught him your Trap, you may deal with him as +you please. And there's another thing that I have to acquaint you with, and +that is, that he's as _Covetous_ as he is _Leacherous_, and did but +Yesterday solicit me to let him have his Ring: And tho' (to put him off) I +told him 'twas lock'd up in a Cabinet of which you had the Key: yet he +reply'd that he cou'd bring a _Picklock_ with him that cou'd open it. So +that I am afraid he does design as well to rob you of your Treasure as your +Honour. But ere to morrow Morning, I hope you'll have it in your power to +make him pay for his Attempting either. At least I have contributed what I +can towards it, and leave the rest to you._ + +The poor _Contented Goldsmith_, (who thought his Wife far Chaster than +_Diana_ of her _Nymphs_; and that the Wife of _Collatine_ wa'nt worthy to +compare to her) was hugely pleas'd with his Wife's Policy; and therefore +order'd her to go home first alone, whilst he came after her _Incognito_; +and when her Gallant came, he bid her hasten him to bed; and whilst she +stood before him, that the Maid shou'd take away his Sword, and then he +thought he might the better deal with a Naked Man: All which she promis'd +him shou'd be obey'd. + +At Night the poor deluded _Cully_ comes to the _Goldsmith's_, according to +appointment; and was conducted presently up Stairs; where, he might the +less suspect foul Play, he finds a good Collation was proyided, which he +and his false Mistress feasted at, _she urging him to make haste into Bed, +that there they might have more delicious Dainties_, and she beginning to +undress her self, he made most haste and first got into Bed; and then the +Maid (as she was before directed) having privately carry'd off the Sword, +comes running in upon a sudden, and cries out, _O Mistress, we are all +undone! My Master's coming up Stairs_. Up gets the Quaking Beau +immediately, and runs under the Bed, which he had but just done, before the +_Goldsmith_ enter'd: Who seeing of his Wife, Accosts her thus, _My Dear I'm +come a Day sooner than I expected_,--_You're very Welcome, Love_, said she +again, looking as one surpriz'd, at which, cries he, _Why how now? What's +the matter with you?_ And then looking about the Chamber, he sees a very +Beauish Powder'd Wig; _Ah ha!_ says he; _What have we here? A Wig, new +Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none of mine_; then looking +on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, _Hey dey!_ Cries he, _Pray +whose are these?_ _They're yours_, said she, _for ought I know_, (speaking +a little surlily) _whose shou'd they be, d'ye think?_ _They're none of +mine_, says he, _I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in 'em?_--Then +searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, about Nine or Ten +Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As soon as he +perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, _So, so_, cries he, _here's a fine Trade indeed! +Cou'd you get none to serve you, but some Newgate-Stallion; One that us'd +to Break up Houses, and Pick open Locks! Where is this Villain_, says he, +_that Wrongs my Bed, and thus dishonours me, that I may run my Sword into +his Heart, and send him of an Errand to the Devil?_ + +The Poor Dejected Wretch, that look'd each moment to be stuck to th' Floor, +resolving now to venture on the Goldsmith's Clemency, came trembling out +from underneath the Bed, & begg'd of him to save his Life, and he wou'd +tell him all that e'er he knew. _Don't tell me_, says the Goldsmith _of +what you know, but tell me what Satisfaction shall I have for the wrong +you've done me, to come thus to defile my Bed?_ _Indeed_, said he, _I did +it never but once before_. _How!_ says the Goldsmith, _have you lain with +my Wife before?_ _Yes, if it please you, once, and never but once_. With +that his Wife with open mouth came to him, _O Villain_, said she, _art not +thou asham'd thus falsly to accuse me to my Husband, because thy own base +wicked inclinations are now brought to light? Hast thou not been soliciting +of me to act Uncleanness with thee, a long time, and I refus'd it always? +Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed thee to come +to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give thee thy +Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own Judge_--_Yes, Sir_, reply'd +the Maid, _I know that what my Mistress says is true_-- + +The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, _What, Mr._ +Bramble__ says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: _Is't you that did intend to +claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my Wife too, as +if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied there e'nt an +honester Woman in the Kingdom. Why to be plain with ye, 'tis she that has +discover'd all your Roguery_: As soon as he heard that, lifting up his +Hands and Eyes, _O the Deceit_, said he, _that is in Women!_ Pray give me +leave to put my Cloaths on, and then hear me what I have to say--_No_, says +the Goldsmith, _I'll not part with these Cloaths; but yet I'll lend you +something to cover your Nakedness with all_; and then bid the Maid to reach +him an old Suit of his. Which having put on, _Now_, says he, _give me but +leave to speak, and I will tell you how false that Woman is_: Come, said +the Goldsmith, let's hear what you have to say. Upon which _Bramble_ thus +began. + +I must confess my Fault; I do acknowledge I did oft-times solicite your +Wife to let me lie with her, and I must do her that Justice to tell you +that she still refus'd it; until at last I borrow'd fifty Guineas of you on +a Ring, and that I gave her, and she thereupon permitted me to lie with +her. And I ne'er thought of Lying with her more, until she sent for me +yesterday morning; and told me how much she lov'd me, and that you were to +come home on Friday-night, and she wou'd have me Lie with her on Thursday +night; and that to let me know how well she lik'd me, she wou'd return me +back again the fifty Guineas that I gave her, and also give me back the +Ring I pawn'd to you for fifty Guineas. And that was the Occasion of my +coming here to Night. + +_But_ said the Goldsmith, _Pray resolve me one thing; What made you bring +the Pick-locks in your Pocket?_ + +I brought these Pick-locks, _reply'd he_, at her desire, to open the +Cabinet, wherein the Ring was put. + +_By that_, answer'd the Goldsmith, _I know that what you have said is +false. For what need she to have desir'd you to bring Picklocks to open the +Cabinet withal, when as the Key of it was in her keeping? for I left it +with her when I went out of Town._ + +'Tis very true, my Dear, _reply'd his Wife_, and here it is. And then going +to her Chest of Drawers, she gave him out the Key of the Cabinet. + +_No, Sirrah_, says the Goldsmith, _you're a Rascal; and you accuse my +Chaste and Vertuous Wife because she has discover'd your Baseness--'Tis +plain enough that your Design was to debauch my Wife, and then to Rob my +House; and I will make you suffer for't, before I've done with you. I've +lost above Five hundred pounds already; and for ought I know you may be the +Thief; for I have found you in my Chamber underneath my Bed, with Picklocks +in your Breeches--Here Boy go call a Constable._ + +The poor _Beau_ finding himself in such bad Circumstances, begg'd him for +Heavens sake, he wou'd not to call a Constable; for if he shou'd be sent to +Goal, his Reputation wou'd be lost for ever. Matters were private now, and +if they might be kept so, let him but make his own Demands, and he wou'd +satisfie 'em.--This Generous submission did somewhat qualifie the +Goldsmith's Passion. And calling of his Man to fetch his Books up, he +look'd what he had lost by Mr _Theif_, and finding there about four hundred +Pounds set down, he told him, _That he'd use him kindly, and take his Bond +for Three hundred and fifty pound, including in it the fifty Guineas he had +lent him; and for the Ring, since he had in so gross a manner abus'd his +Wife, he shou'd bestow that on her, to make her Satisfaction._ + +These were hard Terms poor _Bramble_ thought; but yet considering his +Circumstances, he judg'd 'twas better to comply than go to Goal, which +wou'd be the Result of being had before a Justice. + +The Bonds being made and Seal'd, he fetches him the Ring, which he, (with +begging of her Pardon,) presents the Goldsmith's Wife, and desires her to +accept of it for the affront he so unworthily had put upon her. And then, +after a Bottle of Wine at parting, they let him go; restoring him his +Cloaths and all things again. She telling of him, as he was going out of +Doors, _She hop'd that this wou'd be a warning to him how he hereafter went +about to put Tricks upon Gentlewomen, or make his Boast what private +Favours he had receiv'd from 'em._ + + _Thus still the Bawd tempts all she can to Sin,_ + _And leaves them in the Lurch, when once they're in:_ + _To heap up Gold, which she so much adores,_ + _She makes Men Atheists, and makes Women Whores,_ + _She lives by Sin; and if she can but gain,_ + _She has her End, let those that list Complain._ + + * * * * * + +CHAP. X. + + _How the Goldsmiths Wife went to the Bawd, and gave her an Account how + she had serv'd her Treacherous Gallant; and how the Bawd related + several of her own Exploits, _&c_ In a short History of her Life._ + +About a week after poor Mr. _Bramble_ had been so miserably handled by the +Contrivance of the old Bawd, and the Splenetick and Vindictive Temper of +the Goldsmith's Wife; whereby she doubled on himself all the Design he had +of Cheating her: She thought upon the Promise she had made to the Old Bawd, +of giving her a Visit, and Enlarging her Gratuity: For she saw clearly now +her Words were True, and _Bramble_ made a full account to Cheat her, tho' +'twas by the Exposing of her Honour, which she cou'd never have retriev'd +had it not been for the old Bawd's Advice; altho' indeed, when she had put +her in the way, she did her self improve it further to her own Advantage. + +She therefore took Ten Guineas in her Pocket, which she believ'd she had +deserv'd; and which she also thought wou'd so engage her, that she need not +fear Discovery. And being come to her House, (to find which she before had +given her Directions) she had no sooner ask'd for her, but found her; and +the old Bawd taking her up into her Dining-Room, told her, that she was +glad too see her in her poor Habitation. _O Mother_, says the +She-Goldsmith, _I found that Treacherous Villain the same false man you +represented him; and if I had'nt took your Counsel, my Honour had been +Ruin'd; for the insipid Sot told all that e'er had past between us to my +Husband; but thanks to my good Stars, & your sage Counsel, I clearly got +the Ascendant over him, for which I here present you with a farther +Testimony of my Gratuity._ The Bawd, (who met with such large Fees but +seldom) was so well pleas'd with her Ingenuous and generous Temper, that +she both thank'd her heartily for what she had presented her and told her +that if hereafter she cou'd by any means oblige her, she wou'd be sure to +do it: For I assure you, added she, that Trading now is very Dead, and I +have got but little Custom.--This made the Gentlewoman ask her what Trade +she follow'd (for she was Ignorant she was a Bawd)--Madam, reply'd the old +Crone, You have so far engag'd me by your Generosity, I can deny you +nothing; and therefore if you please, I'll give you the History of my Life: +In which you may perhaps find something that may be diverting: For I have +in my time run through varieties of Changes, and met with very odd +Rencounters: Which if I may not too much Trespass on your patience, I'll +relate to you with all the Brevity I can.--To which, with an obliging Bow, +the Gentlewoman told her, she shou'd esteem herself indebted to her for so +great an Obligation.--And then the Bawd began as followeth. + +Madam, + +_Before I give you that Account of my Life which I design, I think my self +obliged first of all, to answer the Question you were pleas'd to put to me, +_viz. What Trade or Calling 'tis I follow_, the knowledge of which, will +make that I shall afterwards relate, the more Intelligible to you._ + +Know therefore, _Madam_, That the House which I now keep, is a House of +Convenience for Gentlemen and Ladies: And goes under several Denominations: +Some call it _The School of Venus_, others a _Vaulting School_; other the +_Assignation-House_: And some that are my Enemies, bestow upon it the Title +of a _Bawdy-House_; but this Title I neither lay claim to, nor take +Pleasure in. Tho' I confess, my Business is to help a Gentleman that is in +distress, to the Enjoyment of a Gentlewoman; and a Gentlewoman that has the +like occasion, to a Gallant. In which I always take care to help either Sex +to that which may be for their Purpose; and always Warrant those I help 'em +to, to be Safe and Sound; for I Value my Reputation more, than to put a bad +Commodity into any Man's hand. I am not unsensible that this is decried as +a very unlawful Calling; but for my part, to be plain with you, _Madam_, I +am of another Opinion: For Nature that has given us Appetites, has also +given us an Inclination to satisfie 'em; and 'tis no more than the +Satisfying the Natural Desires and Inclinations of Men and Women; that I +concern my self about. I know it will be Objected that Marriage is +appointed as a Remedy in that Case. And to those that are equally Match'd, +without any Impediment on either side, I grant it: And whether there be any +such Impediment, or not, they can best tell, that have such Wives or +Husbands. It is not my Business to ask 'em and if they do't without +occasion, 'tis their own fault, and not mine. I know (and know it by +Experience too) there's many a Man that looks as likely as your Husband +does, and yet cann't give a Woman that which Nature calls for. Some Men +(and so some Women too) have greater Stomachs, and some less, as Nature +orders it; and if their Diet be'nt proportion'd according to their +Stomachs, some may be Surfeited, and others Starv'd. For that which one can +live on very well, wou'd starve another; And the Concupiscential Appetites +of Men and Women, do differ as much as do their Stomachs. And therefore +Married People are not so much to blame in making use of others besides +their Wives or Husbands; provided that they take that Prudent Care and +Circumspection which is so requisite in such affairs. And because _Madam_, +you are yet but a Beginner, and may perhaps be startled at this Doctrine, +I'll let you see 'tis not my single Notion, but is the Judgment of a +Learned Author, who long ago has written on this Subject, a Choice Copy of +Verses, which I'll here repeat to you. He Entitles it, + + _Upon Love fondly Refused for Conscience sake._ + + Nature, Creations law, is judg'd by Sense, + Not by the Tyrant Conscience; + Then our Commission gives us leave to do + What Youth and Pleasure Prompt us to: + For we must question else Heav'ns great Decree, + And tax it with a Treachery; + If things made sweet to attempt our Appetite, + Should with a guilt Stain the Delight. + High'r Pow'rs rule us, our Selves can nothing do, + Who made us Love, hath made Love lawful too. + It was not Love, but Love transform'd to Vice, + Ravish'd by Envious Avarice, + Made Woman first Impropriate; all were free; + Inclosures Mens Inventions be. + I'th Golden Age, no Action cou'd be found + For Trespass on my Neighbour's ground: + 'Twas just, with any Fair to mix our Blood; + The best is most diffusive Good. + She that confines her Beams to one Mans sight, + Is a Dark Lanthorn to a Shining Light. + Say, Does the Virgin Spring less Chaste appear, + 'Cause many Thirsts are quenched there? + Or have you not with the same Odours met, + When more then One have smelt your Violet + The _Phoenix_ is not angry at her nest, + 'Cause her Perfumes makes others Blest: + Tho' Incense to th' Immortal Gods be meant, + Yet Mortals rival in the Scent. + Man is the Lord of Creatures; yet we see + That all his Vassals Loves are free; + The severe Wedlock-Fetters do not bind + The Pard's inflam'd and Am'rous Mind, + But that he may be like a Bridegroom led + Ev'n to the Royal Lion's Bed. + The Birds made for a Year their Loves Confine, + But make new Choice each Valentine. + If our Affections then more servile be + Than are our Slaves, where's Mans Sov'raignity? + Why then by pleasing more, should you less please, + And spare your sweets, being more sweet than these? + If the fresh Trunk have Sap enough to give, + That each insertive Branch may live; + The Gardner grafts not only _Apples_ there, + But adds the _Warden_ and the _Pear_; + The _Peach_ and _Apricock_ together grow, + The _Cherry_ and the _Damson_ too; + Till he hath made, by Skilful Husbandry, + An intire _Orchard_ of one Tree. + So least our _Paradise_ Perfection want, + We may inoculate and plant. + What's Conscience, but a Beldams Midnight Theam; + Or Nodding Nurses idle Dream? + So feign'd as are the _Goblins_, _Elves_ and _Fairies_, + To watch their _Orchard's_ and their _Daries_. + For who can tell when first her Reign begun? + I'th' State of Innocence was none: + And since large Conscience (as the Proverb shows) + In the same sense as bad one goes; + The Less, the Better then; whence this will fall, + He's perfect that hath none at all. + Suppose it be a Vertue rich and pure; + 'Tis not for _Spring_ or _Summer_ sure; + Nor yet for _Autumn_; Love must have his Prime, + His Warmer Hearts, and Harvest time. + Till we have flourish'd, grown, & reap'd our Wishes. + What Conscience dares oppose our Kisses? + But when Time's colder hand leades us near home + Then let that _Winter-Vertue_ come: + Frost is till then Prodigious; We may do + What Youth, and Pleasure Prompts us to. + +When the Bawd had made an end of Repeating her Verses, the Goldsmith's Lady +told her they were very Ingenious and Diverting Lines, and that she had +oblig'd her extreamly by repeating them. And then pray'd her to go on with +her Discourse which she lik'd very well. Upon which the Bawd thus +proceeded. + +I think Madam, I have said enough to justify both Sexes, in the gratifying +of their Amorous Desires, tho' they be married; for 'tis not strange at all +to hear that Men and Women have been married, and yet have been uncapable +of answering the Ends of Marriage, or satisfying the Delights of _Venus_. +It is not long since I was told of a young pretty Virgin that happen'd to +be married to a Man who was deficient in his Virility, which the poor thing +(being asham'd to speak on't and not knowing any other Remedy) laid so to +heart, in a short time it kill'd her: But had I been acquainted with her, I +could have helpt her to a brisk young Man, one that had given proof of his +Sufficiency, which shou'd have eas'd her pain, and sav'd her Life. And +therefore, Madam, since married Persons may stand so much in need of my +assistance, and much more may they that are unmarried, who doubtless have +the same desires that married People have: Nay, their Desires are generally +more impetuous; for finding of their Natural Concupiscence stirring 'em up +to a desire of Copulation, they apprehend that there's more in't then what +they find, when once they come to try. And these things, Madam, in _Italy_ +(as I have heard by several) are so common, that 'tis scarce thought a +Crime: Or, if it be, 'tis but a venial one, as all the Devout Doctors of +the _Roman-Church_, (nay, and the _Pope_ himself) assures us: And therefore +Madam, to deal freely with you, I have long since declar'd my self a _Roman +Catholick_, for that Religion allowes us the most Pleasure while we live, +and promises us Heaven when we die. And having thus given you an Account +both of my Calling and Religion; I come now to Perform my promise, in +giving you the History of my Life. + +The Place of my Nativity was the Imperial Chamber of _Great Brittain_; my +Father being an Haberdasher of small Wares; and had as much to do as most +Men of that Calling; And whilst he liv'd, he gave me all that Education +that the most Wealthy Citizens bestow upon their Daughters, he keeping me +at Board at _Hackney-School_. And when grown up to Marriageable years I +wanted not for store of Sweethearts, and some of them of very good Estates: +and yet my Father thought none good enough. But he being one that was a +great and zealous Stickler for the Parliament in opposition to the King, +and thinking that _Charles Stuart_ (as then they call'd King _Charles_ the +Second), would never be Restor'd, laid out his Money in Purchasing of +Crown-Lands, having (as he thought) got a mighty Peniworth: But _Oliver_ +being dead, and _Charles_ the Second coming in, all his Estate was lost; +and he forc'd to abscond; the grief of which soon after broke his heart. My +Father being dead, and his Estate lost by the Kings Restauration, my Mother +quickly took me from the Boarding-School; and those whom I had scorn'd +before, begun now to scorn me as much; my hopes of a good Portion being +gone, my Sweet hearts quickly Vanish'd; but being a Young Maid and pretty +handsome, an old rich Batchelor that had a kindness for me in my Father's +Life-time, (whom both my Father and myself had then deny'd) thinking that +in this Ebb of Fortune he might be more Successful in his Suit, again made +his Addresses to me; and tho' I had as great an Aversation to him then as +ever, yet he was mightily Encourag'd by my Mother; who thought in our +decclining State, he might support our Family: And therefore she not only +shew'd him all the Countenance he cou'd desire, her self, (for whom indeed +he wou'd have been a fitter Match) but also charg'd me likewise to receive +him well, for he must be my Husband. And when I told her I cou'd'nt love +him, she call'd me Fool, saying, I shou'd Marry him first, and love him +afterwards: And when I farther objected our Disparity in Age she answer'd +with another Musty Proverb, _That 'twas good taking Shelter under an old +Hedge_; and that it was far better being an Old Mans Darling, then a Young +Mans Worldling: And tho' this didn't Satisfie me, yet I soon found I must +have him or none; For having been brought up too high to make a working +Tradesmans Wife, that Portion now was gone that should have helpt me to a +better Husband. And therefore making a vertue of Necessity, I began to be +more Complaisant to my Inamorato then I had been formerly; which quickly +won his heart to that degree, that in a short time after we were +married--And tho the first Night that I went to Bed with him, I was a Maid, +and so knew nothing of that which a new Married couple ought to do, more +then what Nature dictated; yet I then thought he went about his Business +like a Fumbler, and did that little which he did, at such a rate, it had +almost as good have been let alone; for what he did, serv'd only to stir up +in me greater Desire for what he couldn't do. I found the exercise he +offer'd at, had something in it that was very pleasing, which in the +heighth of the Encounter I was disappointed in. And I must own, that I +found this a very sensible Affliction, and caus'd in me a greater Aversion +to my Husband than I had before: And therefore I resolv'd to try what those +venereal Recreations were; I had but an imperfect Taste of, as soon as I +could get an opportunity. + +Nor did I wait long before my good Fortune put one in my hand; For my +Husband's Prentice, a handsome brisk young Man (who had but about two years +time to serve) I had observ'd was very sweet upon my Maid, who was handsome +enough; and having observed that he courted her, I used to watch them, and +by that means knew both the time and place of their Courtship; where they +used to spend some hours in an Evening when the shop was shut, according as +they could find opportunity. By my listening and over-hearing their Amorous +Discourse, I perceiv'd he solicited her hard for her last Favours, which +she would not consent to; and being resolved to improve this opportunity to +the accomplishing my own Desires, having over-heard 'em make their next +appointment, when the time drew near, I call'd my Chambermaid down (for she +it was that the Prentice courted) and sent her of an Errand at a +considerable distance, that she could not be back in two hours time, taking +care to see her out of doors my self by a back pair of Stairs, so that I +knew the Prentice cou'd know nothing of her being abroad, my Husband very +fortunately being absent likewise, I went to the place of meeting my self; +and the young couple being accustomed to converse without any Light, as +being unwilling to be discovered, I seated my self where my Chambermaid +used to do; and the Apprentice coming as usual, came up to me, and caress'd +me; whereupon I clap'd my Hand upon his Mouth, as a signal of his being +silent, and then embrac'd him very tenderly; and he being extasy'd with +this soft Entertainment, which was very pleasing to him, he was so far +blinded with his Passion, that he made no farther search, but imagining +that his Sweet heart was now come to his Terms he push'd on his design, and +met with such a compliance from me which he did not so easily expect; and I +must say, That I had not till that Time tasted the delights of Love: For he +manag'd his Business with so much Briskness and Vigour, that I was very +much pleas'd with the Encounter. When we had both performd our Parts to +equal Satisfaction; I caught him about the middle, and told him he shou'd +not go, till I knew who he was; for I made him believe I knew him not, and +first thought it was my Husband, but happened now too late to find the +contrary. My Spark at this was much surpriz'd, and his Amorous Passion +exchang'd into Fear; and therefore begging of my Pardon, he told me he took +me for the Chambermaid, and desir'd I wou'd conceal what had happen'd, and +not ruine him. Well, well, said I, I'll keep your secret; but it shall be +on this condition, that you think no more on the Chamber-Maid; and get you +to Bed forthwith, otherwise it will be worse for you. And this I enjoyn'd +him, lest he should have told the Maid. My Spark was very thankful that I +suffer'd him to come off so well, and accordingly went to Bed. The next +Morning I paid my Maid her Wage, and turn'd her off, not letting her so +much as bid her Lover adieu. After which my young Spark and I us'd to have +frequent Rencounters, to each others mutual Satisfaction: And I us'd to +supply him with Money for his Pocket Expences, furnishing him always with +what he wanted; until at last our kindness for each other was taken Notice +of by my Husband; who not being willing to have a Publick Talk made of it, +gave him up his Indentures when he had a year and a Quarter to serve. + +This was a very sensible Trouble to me; for having been used to those +Delights which my Youth and high-feeding requir'd for about three Quarters +of a Year, it became very irksome to me to be abridged of 'em. And my +Husband being grown Jealous of me, by the familiarity he had observ'd me to +have with his Man, after he had turn'd him off, as I have related, gave me +this Gentle Reproof: + +Wife, _you cannot but be sensible that your Familiarity with your Man is +become a Town-Talk; I have done what I can to prevent it, by turning him +away; but if you don't mend your Manners, and Reform your Life, all that I +can say, will be to no purpose. I am afraid you han't been Innocent in this +matter: But since what is past cann't be recall'd', I will say no more of +that; but I expect for the time to come that you avoid both his and all +other suspicious Company: You know I took you without a Portion at a time +when your Family was fallen to decay; and I maintain you as well as any +Citizens Wife in London; and for you to requite me with being false to my +Bed, is not only to be very Dishonest, but highly Ingrateful. And therefore +as you expect the Continuance of my Love, pray let me find a Reformation of +your Manners_. + +To this I answer'd him, _That 'twas possible that a Free and affable +Temper, as mine was, might give too much occasion to those that had no +kindness for me, to speak evil of me: And that if to be accus'd, was enough +to make one Guilty, it was impossible for any to be Innocent. However, +since the Freedom I had us'd had given such occasion of offence, I wou'd +take care for the future to walk more Circumspectly, and be more Reserv'd_. +With this promise, my Husband was very well satisfy'd, and thereupon +Embrac'd me very tenderly. + +But all this was only like the raking of a few Ashes over live Coals, which +in a little time break forth again, and burn more violently. My Husband's +Impotency being now about Seventy, grew daily more upon him; and my desires +after that due Benevolence he could not give me, still increas'd, so that +what he cou'd not do for me, I was under a necessity of getting done +elsewhere, And knew no other Person to whom I cou'd repair for a Supply, +but he who had so often done it to my own content before: To him therefore +I found means to send a Letter, appointing him to meet me at such a Place +and Time, which he accordingly did, and there we had that mutual Enjoyment +which we both desir'd: And tho' we met thus several times, it was with so +much Caution, for fear of a Discovery, that we were often forc'd to change +both Time and Place, and take new measures. + +One Night above the rest, when I was sure he was engag'd to stay late at +the Tavern, I had obliged my Spark to give me a meeting at our House; and +had on that Occasion, sent all the servants up to Bed, upon pretence that +they must must rise early in the Morning. When they were gone to bed, and +all was sure, my Servant enter'd, with all imaginable Privicy and Caution; +and then, without much Ceremony, enter'd upon those melting Joys we both so +eagerly desir'd, Which we had hardly finish'd, before my Husband (who had +dispatched his Business quicker than we had done) knocks at the door; which +I no sooner heard, but springing from the Arms of my affrighted Gallant, I +took a Sheet out of the Chest of Drawers in the Chamber, and tying it with +a Copped Crown upon his Head, I made him look methought just like some +Fornicator, a going to do Pennance in a Parish Church, and then turning him +into the next Room, I bid him, if my Husband came in thither, (who was a +very timerous Man, and almost trembled at the Talk of Spirits) to +Counterfeit a Ghost, by which means I wou'd quickly use a Stratagem which +shou'd Relieve him without Danger. And as soon as he had put himself into a +Suitable Posture, and Plac'd himself in a convenient Corner to play the +Devil with my Husband, (in case the Cuckold should come into the Room which +he had taken for his Sanctuary) I fram'd a Counterfeit Smile, and let in my +Husband; whom I received with very kind words, and gave him a dissembling +Kiss or two; and then putting on his Flannel Night Cap, and fetching him +his Slippers, which he put on, we went up Stairs together; In the mean +time, the Ghost had found a piece of Whiting; which the Maid happen'd to +lay there to make the Chimney fire next morning; and this he takes and +breaks to pieces, and daubs his Face all over with it, that he then look'd +more pale than Death itself; insomuch that even I was almost startled at +the first glympse of him. Before my Husband went to bed, he always went +into the Dining-Rome to Prayer; which I appear'd as forward for as he, and +presently brought him a Cushion, upon which he kneels down, and falls a +Praying; not as yet seeing the Ghost: But as he was at Prayer, my Spark +endeavouring to get the Weather-Gage of him, that is, the Door: my husband +chanc'd to spy him, which so disord'd and affrighted him, that he was ready +to sink down. Before he spy'd him, he was praying thus. _Thou know'st Lord, +there are wicked people in the World, and some of them have wrong'd me very +much, but Lord, I hope thou wilt be even with 'em, and let 'em have no rest +till they acknowledge it, and make me Satisfaction for all that wrong they +have_--(then seeing the Counterfeit Ghost, he forgot his Prayer, and cry'd) +_O Lord, O Lord! What's this? What's this? O Lord! O Lord!_--and then rises +up, and makes towards the Door, which the Ghost seeing beckens him; at +which he cries _I won't, I won't, I won't!_ In the mean time, tho' I knew +what the matter was, I run to him, and cry'd, Dear Husband what's the +matter? As if I had been frighted; and went to hold him; but he struggled +to get from me, crying out _The Devil! The Devil! The Devil!_ Where, where, +said I? I see nothing, O _'tis yonder, 'tis yonder, 'tis yonder_, says he! +See how it stares and beckens to me I see nothing, not I, says I: And with +that, the Ghost came nearer us; at which my Husband run into the Bed +Chamber, and I after him; and shut the Door to us. By which means my Spark +had an opportunity to go out without Discovery. My Husband immediately got +into Bed, and cover'd himself over Head and Ears, and then thought he was +pretty safe, and charged me presently to put the Candle out: Which I +obey'd, and straight went to Bed to him; being well pleas'd I had so +cleverly brought off my Lover. + +The next Morning, I ask'd my Husband what the matter was that made him so +extreamly discompos'd last Night: Why, says he, did you see nothing last +Night? Not I, said I, but only you dissorder'd as you were praying: O Love, +said he, I saw Death coming towards me as plain as I see you; and I believe +I shan't trouble you long; for Death held up his hand and beckon'd to me +several times: 'Tis nothing but your Fancy sure, said I, for I saw nothing, +'Tis certain true as you are there: And that you cou'd not see it, makes it +more Evident that Death came only unto me. But how do you know, said I, +that it was Death, if you did see something? Know! says he, why I knew it +very well, and if you'd seen it you'd a said of it as I do: For never any +thing look'd more pale in the World. The very thoughts of it frightens me +still--Besides the kindness that contrivance did me to make way for my +Gallant's escape that time, 'twas very serviceable to me afterwards; for +the Remembrance of the Ghost was always so fresh in my Husbands memory, +that he wou'd never venture into the Room again by Candle-Light. So that my +Love and I had other Assignations afterwards: and if my Husband happened to +come home before he went, it was but putting him into the Dining-Room and +he was safe enough, for I was sure my Husband never wou'd come there. + + _Thus I advantage of his Weakness made,_ + _Who was by Fear to Cuckoldome betray'd_ + _And upon all Occurrences, I still_ + _Contriv'd to blind his Eyes, and Act my Will:_ + _For those in their Design will often fail._ + _That know not how with ev'ry Wind to sail._ + +But after some time my Gallant fell Sick, and in the midst of his Sickness, +he was very much troubled with Qualms of Conscience for his Sins, and had +no more Wit and Honesty but to send me a Letter to acquaint me with it, and +to exhort me to repent; Which Letter my Husband happening to receive, all +our Intrigues were thereby discover'd; which made my Husband absolutely +relinquish me; and turn me out of Doors with much Disgrace. Which yet could +not at all reclaim me, for by my Husband's exposing me, I was past shame, +and car'd not what I did: But being in a very good Garb, and having some +Money, I took me Lodgings, and walk'd the Streets at a Night, picking up +whom I cou'd get. + +Once I remember going along _Cheapside_, late at Night, a Citizen in a very +good Garb, coming up to me, Madam, said he, will you accept of a Glass of +_Canary_? I thank'd him, and went with him to the _Bull-head_ Tavern; where +he call'd for a Bottle of the best _Canary_; which being brought, after two +or three Glasses a piece, and as many more Kisses, he began to take up my +_Petticoats_; and I seeming a little coy, putting of 'em down, he grew more +eager; and was for a little diversion upon the Tavern Chairs; and whilst he +was eager in finishing what he was about, I began to dive into his Fob, +which I found well furnished with Guineas, besides a Gold-Watch, which I +took out, and look'd upon it, and put it up into his Pocket again very +carefully; and this I so often repeated, telling him I was a Person of +Quality, and that what I did, with respect to the Liberty I allow'd him, +was only for the Gratification of my Youthful Fancy, and as for any thing +of filthy Lucre, or bring a mercenary Creature, I did both scorn it, and +was much above it: All this by the Richness of my Garb, he was apt enough +to believe; and therefore was the less upon his Guard; but I beginning now +to be reduc'd, (not having my Husband's Bag's to go to, as I us'd to have) +thought he ought also to pay for the Pleasure he receiv'd from me, as well +as I formerly us'd to pay my Gallant for the Pleasure I receiv'd from him; +and therefore taking Twenty Guineas out of his Pockets, and telling them +before his Face, I pretended to put them all in again; but had cunningly +convey'd them into my own Pocket, and told twenty mill'd Shillings into +his; and also taking out his Watch again, as I had done several times +before, I convey'd the Watch into my own Pocket, and the Case only into +his: As we were just a parting, that I might come off with more Credit, I +bid him feel in's Pocket, and see he had his Watch and all his Guineas; and +clapping of his hand upon his Thigh, and feeling the Case, he said he had: +I further ask'd him if he had all his Guineas, and bid him tell 'em; and he +putting his hand in's Fob he told twenty, (which he took for Guineas, his +Silver being in another Fob) and told me I was very honest, he was sure +he'd all; and then desir'd to know my Name and where my Lodgings were; that +he might wait upon me some other time, and have the like enjoyment; which I +seem'd to desire as much as he, greatly commending his performances (tho' +to speak Truth, his Will was better far than his Ability, and his Gold +Watch and Guineas much exceeded either, for he was one of them which we +call Antiquated Whoremasters) and so to satisfie him, I gave him such +Directions as sent him to the other End o'th' Town, to seek a Needle in a +Bottle of Hay. + + _Thus the Rich Cuff of's Gold and Watch was Chous'd:_ + _Whilst I therewith in Racy Wine Carous'd_ + _'Tis fitting that such Dablers shou'd be caught_ + _And by their Losses to Repentance brought:_ + _Who will not say I serv'd him in his Kind?_ + _For he had that to which he had most mind._ + _And since his Watch has left its empty Place,_ + _I leave, him to bemoan his own light Case._ + _For he may now by dear Experience say,_ + _Time oftentimes unknown will Slip away._ + +The next Week after this, I was pick'd up by a brisk Spark, who likewise +had me to the Tavern, and seeing me in a rich Garb, (and tho' I say it, +tolerably handsome then) was very civil to me, and treated me with much +respect, giving me a good Dish of Fish for Supper, which with good Store of +Wine, serv'd as a fit Provocative for that which follow'd after. But before +we began those Pleasures to which the Treat was but an Introduction, he +flung me down a Guinea, and told me he design'd that for a pair of Gloves +for me; which when I seem'd unwilling to accept of, as looking somewhat +mercenary; No, Madam, says he, this is what I freel'y offer, and cann't +therefore be thought mercenary: But now you talk of that, I'll tell you a +good Jest was put last Week upon a Friend of mine, a _Linnen-Draper_, who +'tho he'd so much Holland of his own, wou'd needs be taking up of other +Folk's. For this old Cuckold-Maker being got Fluster'd, and something late +out one Night the last Week, picks up a Gentlewoman and has her to the +Tavern--(and so repeated the whole Story I before have told you, Madam; +with this addition, which but for him I never shou'd have known). That when +the old Fornicator was come home, he had a severe Lecture from his +disgruntl'd Lady, who told him he had either been asleep or worse; for that +it was near two a Clock. But the old Cuss thinking to pacifie her Anger by +convincing her it wan't so late, wou'd needs go look upon his Watch; but +quickly finding that altho' the Nest was there, the Bird was flown, put up +the Case again, with only saying, _Good lack a day! How strangely time will +slip away in Company, before a Man's aware!_ But the next Morning being to +pay a Merchants Man a Bill for a small parcel of _Hambrough-Cloth_ that +came to 22 Guineas, and his Cashier going to reach the Money, he put his +hand into his Fob, _Hold_ (says he to his Man) _I have Twenty Guineas here, +and I can make them up in Silver_, and so flings his Supposed Guineas down +upon the Counter; But was exceedingly surpriz'd to see that they had lost +their Colour, and were all White instead of Yellow. However at the present +he stifled his Resentments, and told his man that he must fetch the Money +out of the Till, for he remember'd now he had paid away all his Guineas. +Presently after which, (says my Gallant, that told the Story to me) he came +to me, and I perceiving him extreamly out of humour, ask'd what the matter +was? _Never was Man_, says he, _so Trick'd as I have been last Night. For +being out somewhat late_, says he, _and somewhat Fluster'd, I pick'd up a +small Girl, which I thought was the honestest that ever I met with, but she +has prov'd the veriest Jilt that e'er I had to do with, and Trick'd me out +of a Gold Watch and Twenty Guineas._ And then, said he, related all that I +have told you; and bid me besure to have a care of them that wou'd pretend +they were not mercenary, for they'll be trebly paid for what they do. But +you, Madam, said he to me, look like a Gentlewoman above such shifts as +those. If you respect me, Sir, said I, you have the Remedy in your own +hands; and therefore if you please I will withdraw. No, Madam, by no means, +says he, I only told you this Story to divert you, Madam: In short, we soon +agreed; for he was much a Gentleman, and perform'd what he undertook to my +great Satisfaction; and I (or else he flatter'd me) gave him as much +content. + +But 'twas not always I had such good Luck, for not long after, I met with +one, who tho' he appear'd very well to sight, gave me more than I car'd +for; and more than I cou'd rid my self on for a great while after. 'Twas +then, Madam, by taking _Mercury_, and using Salivations, to be rid of that +unwelcome Guest, the Pox, that I lost all that Beauty which I once cou'd +boast of. And then, as one misfortune seldom comes alone, my Husband, +whilst I was in this condition, dy'd; who while he liv'd, allow'd me some +small Maintenance; but hearing on his Death-Bed the Misfortune that had +then befallen me, he became so exasperated against me, he only left me +Twenty Shillings to buy a Coffin for me, as thinking I shou'd ne'er +Recover; whereas before, as I have since been told by the Executors, he +design'd at least a hundred Pounds for me. + +The great Expences of my Sickness (which had besides made me unfit for +Business) had brought me pretty low; and I was now quite destitute of any +other way to help my self but the old Trade of Whoring; and yet I was +afraid of being now a Common Night-walker, lest I shou'd meet with such +another Job as I had met withal before; which wou'd have ruin'd me to all +Intents and Purposes: But by a Friend of mine, that had been a Well-wisher +to the calling, I was advis'd, as much the safer way, to list my self as a +Retainer to a Private _Vaulting School_; where I was told (and indeed found +it so) that there were none admitted but what were Sound and Tight. To +this, altho the Gains to me was less, yet since there was less hazard of +the Pox, I thought it best to hire my self: And this Madam, was such a +House as now I keep my self. Where we don't only take special care, that +none but what are free from all Distempers be admitted; but likewise have +Surgeons and Apothecaries with whom we are in Fee, who, if we but suspect +the least miscarriage, straight give us something that may carry't off. + +Here I continued for some time: and tho I say't, behav'd my self so well, +that I was prefer'd to the best Gentlemen; for tho, my Natural Beauty had +been much decay'd, yet I by Art so patch'd it up again, that I by my good +Management, pass'd for a Maid at first to all that didn't know me: And +besides what my Mistress got, I am sure I had ten Guineas given me by an +Esquire for parting with my Maiden-head; which I had parted with many years +past; and yet I sold it to new Customers several times after. + +During the time that I was in this Station, I met with several odd +Adventures; some of which I shall briefly give you an account of. + +Having been one day abroad, my Mistress desired me to call at the +_Carriers_, to see if there was any young Country-Lasses come to Town (for +our calling is not to be carried on to advantage without now and then +having fresh Goods) I went to that purpose to _Bosom's Inn_; and had that +day drest up my self like a Country-Lass that I might with the less +difficulty engage 'em. But when I came thither, I found there was none: +While I was asking the _Carrier_ when I might expect any, I saw a couple of +young Gentlemen standing near me, as if they had some Business with the +_Carrier_ when I had done; which occasion'd me to make the more haste: As +soon as I had left the _Carrier_ and was come away, before I was got into +_St. Lawrence Lane_, they over-took me, and ask'd me if I was not a +_Lancashire_ Maid? I told 'em Yes; being resolv'd to know what their design +was. Then they ask'd me what part of _Lancashire_? I told 'em _Preston_; +for I was acquainted with the Names of the chief Towns there. They then +desired me to go and take part of a Glass of Wine with them; which I at +first seem'd to scruple, but being more importunately urg'd, I was easily +perswaded. And so went to the _Feathers-Tavern_ near _Queenstreet_ Corner +in _Cheapside_; where a Glass of _Canary_ being call'd for, one of 'em +drank to me, and I drank to the other. After which one of 'em came pretty +close up to me, and would needs have been feeling where I was'nt willing to +let him, whereupon I told him he was very uncivil to invite one that was a +Stranger to a Tavern; and then to offer any such thing to her. Let her +alone says the other, I believe she's but new come out of the Countrey, and +does not understand the way of the Town: Pray, Sweet-heart, says he, +addressing himself to me, How long have you been in Town? Ever since last +_Fryday_, said I: But pray, why do ye ask? To be plain with ye, says he, +This young Man and my self have a Request to you, which if you grant, may +be for your Advantage as long as you live: Pray, Sir, said I what's that? +Why, says he, we are both Apprentices in one House, at a _Linnen drapers_ +in _Cornhill_? (but 'tis no Matter for that, for you don't know Places yet) +and we have a mind to keep a young Woman between us; and we wou'd willingly +have a Countrey-Maid, that is'nt much acquainted with the Town; and if you +please, you shall be she. I presently smoaked their design, but behav'd my +self as ignorantly as I cou'd on purpose, because I found there was +something to be got by 'em. So I reply'd, Withal my heart, Sir, if we can +agree, for I want a good Service. Well, says the other Spark that wou'd +have been so forward with me, We shan't disagree, I dare say. What Wages do +you ask? Why Sir, says I, I have liv'd in good Gentlemens Houses in +_Lancashire_; and I think I deserve Four pounds a Year. Well, well, says +the other we shall give you Four times Four pounds a year and more: But +then you must do what we'd have you. Yes, said I, I shall be willing to do +what you'd have me, if you please to tell me what it is: Why said he, your +Business will be Easie enough, and pleasant enough: For we intend to take a +very good Lodging for you, and provide you with all things necessary; and +your Business shall only be to lie with one of us one Night, and the other +another. The chief thing we shall desire of you, is only to keep your self +entirely to us, and not stir out without our Approbation. And for other +things you shall have what you will, and be maintain'd like a Gentlewoman; +For we'll maintain you; and the Money you shall have, shall be for your own +Occasions, and to find you New Cloths. _Well, Sir, says I, for such things +we shou'd not differ; but we in the Country think 'tis a Wicked thing to +lye with Folks, unless they be Married; and then they mun be married but to +one nother: And so that mun not be, Sir._ I know not what you do in the +Country, _says one of the Sparks_, but here in _London_ 'tis as common as +Washing of Dishes. And People of the best Quality do it. Look ye, +_continued he_, to Encourage you, we will give you Thirty Pounds a Year: +And Maintain you besides. We cou'd have enow in Town to serve us, and thank +you too; but we look upon you to be an Innocent Country Maid, and for that +reason we had rather have you than another: Are you sure you are a Maid, +_said the other_? _Sure!_ said I? _Yes, I think I am._ Yes, yes, _said the +other_, I believe she is: _But I believe_, said I, _You but taak'n all this +while, for no Body mun do such things._ No, I'll assure you, _says the more +serious of the two_, We are in Earnest; and we'll pay you down half your +Money, fifteen Pounds now, to put your self in a good Garb, fit for a +Gentleman's Mistress. _But what mun I do for't_, said I? _Let's agree upon +that first. You shall be Mistress to us both_, said they: _And let one of +us lye with you one time, and the other another: And we'll now go along +with you, and take a Lodging for you; and you shall go under the Notion of +our _Sister_, and we will be your _Brothers_; And so no Notice shall be +taken of it._--_But not to trouble you longer, _Madam_, with the +Particulars, we at last agreed the matter; and I had fifteen Pounds paid me +down for half a Years Pay: And my two Sparks cast Lots, to decide the +Important Controversie of who should lie with me first: And it happened to +him that was the most Civil of the Two; And he was to tarry with me till +Ten a Clock at Night, at my New Lodgings, and then to go home, for he cou'd +not stay all Night. So to it we went, and I gave him all the Satisfaction +he desir'd; counterfeiting the matter so well, that he was mightily pleased +with the Enjoyment he had: And went home very well satisify'd; telling me, +he wou'd acquaint his fellow-Prentice that was to come the next Night, that +he had found me all Love and Charms. And so took his Leave of me._ + +When my young Gallant was gone, I began to consider that I had all I was +like to have of 'em: and that one Fool was enough to be troubled with; and +since they had paid me but one half of my Salary, and for that one of 'em +had enjoy'd me, & had what he wanted, I tho' we were pretty even. And so +getting up Early the next Morning, I left at once my Lodgings and Gallants. +And at night when the other came, (as without Doubt he did instead of +Meeting with me,) I left him this Note in the Key-hole, + + _For your small Stipend, I'll ne'er liv in Goal,_ + _Go seek a Trull that can divide her Tayl:_ + _One half I've Pleas'd, I one half am Paid:_ + _Had I got all, I shou'd have longer Staid._ + _And yet you cann't say I was Ungenteel,_ + _For I let one _Kiss_ and the other _Feel_._ + +How pleas'd the disappointed Fop was with my Poetry, I know not; for I +ne'er went again to my New Lodging to enquire after 'em. + +_Well_, said the Goldsmiths Lady, _I ne'er heard of a prettier Intrigue +before and I dare say you serv'd 'em very handsomely.--But pray proceed_. + +Another time, I serv'd a Goldsmith's Prentice a pretty Trick; For having +been abroad about some business, and coming home i'th' evening, a young +Spark, exceeding Beauish, (with a New Modish Suit of Cloaths on) that had +been drinking hard all Day, would need be picking of me up, when I did'nt +at all intend it. But seeing him so earnest for a Bout, that I cou'd'nt get +rid of him, I had him to a House I was acquainted with by th' way, and +there after a heartening Cup or two, and having handled his Posteriours, to +see he didn't put a Trick upon me, I let him have what he so eagerly +desir'd; and diving into his Pockets i'th' mean while, I found he had but +one poor single Shilling left; which vext me so, that I resolv'd I wou'd be +even with him another way; and therefore when he had done what he'd a mind +to do, I presently call'd briskly for a fresh Bottle of the Best, which +whilst we were drinking, I said _Well, Spark, as a Reward for your +excellent Performance, which has been beyond my Expectation, and shew'd you +to be a good Womans Man, I will divert you with an Entertainment worth your +Seeing. Come, it shall cost you nothing; only I must beg the Favour of you +to unrig, and lend me your Cloaths for half an hour; and I will bring you a +Mant and Petticoat to wear the while; and you shall see a Jolly Crew of +Active Dames, which will perform such Leacherous Agilities as will stir you +up to take the other Touch, and far out-vie whatever has been either done, +or related to be done, by Madam _Creswel_, Posture _Moll_, the Countess of +_Alsatia_, or any other German Rope-dancer whatever._ The Spark was +extreamly tickled with the Fancy, and presently uncas'd himself; and gave +me all his Bravery, and was so over-forward, that he not only gave me his +Cloaths, but his Rings, Cane, and Hat, and Wig; so that he left hinself +nothing but his Shirt and his Stockings; and the Mistress of the House +being my Friend, I borrowed of her an old Mant and Petty-coat; which the +Fool of a Fop put on. I told him I must intreat his Patience for half an +hours time, till the Company was Drest, and so went down Stairs; and +telling of my Friend how it went, and we being to go half Snips in the +Booty, I went off with the things, which I pawn'd for about four Pounds, +keeping his Rings to my self, and left my Landlady to manage the rest. +After the Disrobed Spark had waited for the space of an hour with great +Petience, and longing Expectation, for this Comical Show, and no Body came +at him, his Patience was quite tir'd, and therefore knocking with his foot, +the Maid of the House came up, of whom he enquired for such a Person, as +well as he could, describing me. The Maid pretended an intire Ignorance of +the matter, and so whipp'd down Stairs again. But he knocking again, up +comes the Mistress, who seeming to take him for a Woman, ask'd him, _What +he would have?_ He answer'd, _Such a Woman to whom he'd lent his Cloaths_; +but she not only made her self Ignorant of the matter, but call'd him +_Bitch, Whore, Cheat, Pick-Pocket_, and all to nought, concluding her +Harmonious Harrangue in this manner, _Ye dirty Drab, don't think to put +your Cheats upon me: You came in here with a Spruce Young Man, and for +ought I know you have Pick'd his Pocket, and sent him away, and now you go +about to Cheat me of my Reckoning; but that shan't do ye _Whore_, for I'll +have my Reckoning quickly, or else I'll Strip your Gown off your Arse_; but +the poor Rogue having no Money to pay, she forthwith stript him of his +Mant: And thus half Naked, in a Petticoat slit up to the Breeches; an old +broken pair of Stays, and a few Ragged Head-Cloaths, he was kick'd down +Stairs into the Street. _And being willing to know the end of this Comical +Adventure, I had planted one to watch what he did: Who followed him at a +distance till he went into an _Alehouse_ in _Foster-Lane_, where my Spy +went in after him, and called for a Pot of Drink; and there heard him tell +a Lamentable Story how he was robb'd by some _Foot-Pads_ (as he came from +_Hampstead_, where he had been to see his _Uncle_) who had stript him of +all his Cloaths, and given him those things to cover his Nakedness: The +People of the House compassionated him very much, and lent him a Suit of +Cloaths, Hat and Wig, with which he went to his Master's, who was a +Goldsmith, and liv'd at the sign of the ---- in Cheapside.--And I appeal to +you Madam, whether he wasn't serv'd in his kind._ + +_I think_, reply'd the Goldsmiths Lady, _you are very happy and Ingenious +in all your Contrivances; and for ought I know, might have contributed more +to reclaim him from those Courses, than all the Lectures and Sermons that +could have been Preached against 'em; for one wou'd think he should have +but little Mind any more to those Sweet Meats which were attended with such +sower Sauce--But pray go on with the Story of your Life._ + +_Madam_, said she, having continued for many years with my Mistress, where +we kept very good orders, and liv'd in Reputation also among our Neighbors, +for we went constantly to Church, not only to make a shew of being +Religious, but to expose ourselves to the view of the Gallants: For our +Mistress or Governess always ordered us to follow her, and to take all +opportunitiss, as we came down Stairs from the Galleries, or as we past +over the Kennels in the Streets, to lift up our Coats so high, that we +might shew our handsome Legs and Feet, with a good fine Worsted or Silk +pair of Stockins on; by which means the Gallants would be sure either to +dog us 'emselves, or else to send their Footmen to see where we liv'd, and +then they would afterwards come to us themselves. By which means we have +got many a good Customer. And when we came home from Church, we generally, +if we had none of our Gallants with us, spent our time in reading of +Play-Books, that we might know the better how to entertain our Guests with +witty Discourses. Having, I say, spent several years in this calling, and +got some Monys by me, our Mistress happened to Die; and I finding the +Decays of Nature come upon me, and that I began to grow unserviceable, I +bought the Goods and Furniture my self, and so kept others under me, as my +Mistress had done before me. And drove that Trade in the same House (which +was in St. _Thomas Apostles_) for many years, and might have been there +still, had it not been for one Unfortunate Accident, which I'll next relate +to you. + +One Day a Gentleman in a very good genteel Habit, knocks at my Door, which +I open'd my self, and ask'd him what he'd have? Upon which, coming in a +Doors, Madam, says he, I understand that you are a Person Charitably +Disposed, and do now and then help a Languishing Lady, or a Love-sick +Gallant: And therefore I took this Opportunity to Salute you, hoping that +you will shew the same kindness to me, that you have done to others upon +the same Considerations.--Sir, said I, you must give me leave to ask you +some Questions before we enter into any further conversation--With all my +heart, Madam, said he:--Then, said I, Pray who recommended you to me, on +that account? I hope you don't take me for a Bawd? Nay, Madam, said he, +pray don't affront me; Neither do I look like a Porter, common Soldier, or +Lacquey, so as to stand in need of a Bawds Assistance: Nor am I one of +those who will take up with what the Street affords: For I assure you I +don't eat _Baked Pudding_ or _Apple-Pye_ at _Holbourn-Bridge_, or such +other Places, as common Carmen do. Nor, to be plain with you, Madam, said +he, am I one of those Fellowes that usually Dine at any Greasie Ordinaries; +and therefore I am for something fit for a Gentleman, and will pay +accordingly. Very well, Sir, says I: I hope you will take nothing amiss; I +see you are a Gentleman; but I have sometimes had Tricks put upon me, and +therefore am as choice in the company I entertain, as you are in keeping +your Company. Upon which account be not angry if I repeat my Question, Pray +who recommended you to me? To which he reply'd, Madam, I thought you had +not been so very scrupulous at this time of Day, when Money is so very +scarce. But seeing you press me to it, I know that you help'd Esq; ---- to +a very fine Mistress.--The Gentleman he Named, being one I was well +acquainted with, and whose Necessities I had often supply'd with some of my +First-rate-Frigots, as he used to call 'em; I had no more mistrust of him; +and therefore taking him to be a Friend of his: Nay, now, said I to him, +you begin to speak Sense. Be pleased to go along with me; and so lead him +into a Room which joyn'd to my Parlour that was hung round with Pictures; +representing all the Amours of _Ovid_'s Heathen Gods; and amongst them were +intermix'd several of those Ladies of Pleasure I kept in my House, drawn in +very amorous and inviting Postures; One with her Golden Tresses dishelv'd +upon her Shoulders & her Brests Naked; another was drawn putting on her +Smock, a third tying her Garters, and a Fourth in the Arms of her Gallant: +When he had well looked round about him, _Madam_, said he, _I perceive you +have Entertainment to provoke the dullest Appetite; and if you have really +the Original of these Pictures, I don't much wonder that you insist upon +good Terms. Therefore pray let me know what you expect to Oblige me with +the dishelv'd Golden Locks._ Sir, said I, my lowest is a Guinea in hand, +and a Guinea a Week for the Accomodation of my House; and taking care that +you may have her ready for your use, so long as you continue my Pensioner: +But as for her own Terms, I leave that to your self and her--_But_, said +he, _may I not see the Person first, that I may be satisfied the Painter +has not flatter'd her?_ Yes, Sir, said I, provided that you don't spend too +much time before you come to a Conclusion.--_Leave that to me_, said he, +_for you shall be no Looser:_ Whereupon I slipt out of the Room, and call'd +one Mrs. _Gertrude_ (which was the Person he desir'd) who came in +immediately; and going up towards the Gentleman, he desir'd her to sit +down; and as I was a with drawing he call'd to me likewise, and told me he +must discourse with us both, before he enter'd into any further +Familiarity; and then, addressing himself to Mrs. _Gertrude_, said, _Well, +my pretty Madam, what Gratification do you expect for your Company _per_ +Week?_ She answer'd him, Two Guineas: _But_, said he, _What assurance, +Madam, shall I have that you will be my Sole Property during the time that +you and I agree upon? And that you will not dispence your Favours, likewise +to others?_ Nay, Sir, said I to him, if you intend to Monopolize her wholly +to your self, you must raise your Price, or we cannot else Maintain our +selves like Gentlewomen; and afford Accommodations fit for Gentlemen. +_Well, Ladies_, said he, _I will now pull off my Mask: You have both +confessed your way of Living to me, and I have discover'd your Crimes, +without being Criminal my self: And therefore not doubting but both of you +pretend to be Christians, for I am told you go constantly to Church, I +adjure you by his Name whom you profess, to tell me how you can answer it +to him, or to your own Consciences, to Live in downright Disobedience to +his holy Laws, and in defiance to the known Laws of the Land?_ With much +more Preachment to the same Purpose, too long to repeat. I must Confess +both my self and Mrs. _Gertrude_, were both struck with some Amazement at +this unexpected Entertainment; And seeing her a little daunted, I answer'd, +Sir, I shall quickly bring you those that will give you better +Satisfaction. And so rise up to call in a couple of Men-Servants belonging +to my House. Upon which he rise up likewise, and catching me by the Arm, +pull'd out a short Constable's Staff, Commanding me to sit down, or +otherwise I should find it was in his Power to take another Course with me. +This indeed increas'd my surprise, and made me a little mute for the +Present; which he seeing, got between the Door and us, and then was so +uncivil as to tell me, That I was a Vile Woman; and all the difference he +knew between a Bawd and a Procurer, was only such as was between a common +_Tom-Turd-Man_, and a Person of Qualities House-Maid, who Emptied +_Close-Stools_: And then told Mrs _Gertrude_ that the difference between +her and the Trulls that pli'd in the Streets, was no other then betwixt a +common _Vau't_ and a Private _Close-stool_. Upon which she told him that +his Comparisons were very odious; and that such Language didn't become a +Gentleman: But he answer'd, That our Language wanted words to express the +fulsomeness of our Crimes, calling us _Dogs_, and _Swine_, and _Goats_, and +a deal of such _Billingsgate-Stuff_, till he had so provok'd my Passion, +That I told him boldly, That I didn't value his Fanatical Cant, for there +were Men of better Sense than he, thought it no Sin; and that I knew the +Opinion of the greatest Wits in the Town, in those things; and car'd not +what a parcel of Canting Coxcombs said.--To which he reply'd, _My Coming +hither was to do you good, and to turn you (if Possible) from your Wicked +Courses; but seeing you are hardened in it, and will not be reclaimed, I +will take care to have your Quarters beat up, and spoil your Trading here +for time to come._ And so he left us. + +This unexpected Adventure put us all to a stand. And after consulting what +was best to be done, I resolved not to venture being expos'd, and so +immediately with-drew, and took down all my Pictures, leaving only a +Servant in the House for some days, to see whether he wou'd be as good as +his word: and in three Days after, a Constable came with a Warrant to +search the House for disorderly Persons; but finding only a Servant there, +he told her he perceiv'd the Birds were flown. The search being over, some +of my Women were for returning again; but I oppos'd it, as not judging it +safe; and the Event prov'd it so; for the Day they design'd to have gone, +there was another Search made, and a strict enquiry after what was become +of us? Which made all to commend my Caution and Conduct. + +This last Search made us look upon that Place as unsafe to go to again; for +I perceiv'd that Disguis'd Constable was a busie Fellow, and wou'd be +always Jealous of our Returning again. So I threw up my Lease of that +House, and from thence came hither: Where I have continued ever since. And +carrying a good Correspondence amongst my Neighbours, I have never been +molested here, but when there is any Trade stirring, I have my share of it. +And thus, Madam, I have given you the History of my Life hitherto; which I +have been more particular in, because of your Civility and Generosity +towards me. And if you find at any time an occasion to make use of any +Gentleman to supply any Deficiency you may meet with at home, or to +gratifie your Inclination with a desire of Change I will be always ready to +serve you to the utmost of my Power. + +The Bawd having thus finish'd her Narration, the Goldsmith's Lady gave her +many thanks, and told her that her Relation had been very diverting to her, +_But_, said she, _there is one thing that I have had a mind to ask you two +or three times and still forgot it._ Pray Madam, said the Bawd, What may +that be? For I am very ready to resolve you in any thing I can--_That is_, +reply'd the She-Goldsmith, _Whether or no these new Attempts for +Reformation be not a very great hinderance to you in your Business? For I +am told that some of the Members of the Society put themselves into all +Shapes, that they may make a Discovery of such Houses. And I suppose he who +disturb'd you at your other House might be one of them. And therefore +methinks this should quite spoil your Trade: For as matters are now +manag'd, how do you know who to Trust?_ + +To this the Bawd reply'd thus: As to what you say Madam, there is this in +it, That it makes us use more Caution than we us'd to do. For we now admit +of none into our Houses that are Strangers. But perhaps you may say, That I +us'd a great deal of Caution with the other Person who was a Trapan before; +which is really true enough; and when he mention'd to me Esq; ---- I +thought I might very well have trusted him: But I'll tell you how that +hapen'd; Esq; _S----_ had it seems been talking to some intimate Friends of +his, of some very pretty Ladies that he had to do withal: For indeed being +a good Customer, and paying very well, he had always the Cream of all that +came to my House; being very much a Gentleman; and one whom I wou'd be glad +to help to your Embraces, if you wou'd do me that Honour, and I am sure you +cann't have to do with a Compleater Person, and one better fitted to serve +a Woman. _You wou'd, make me have a Mind to him_, reply'd the Lady: Well, +Madam, _said the Bawd_, ere it be long, I'll bring you two together. But, +as I was a saying, he having told some intimate Friends of his, that he had +the enjoyment of a very fine Lady: said one of 'em, _Prithee_ Esq, _who +is't that helps you to these fine Ladies that you talk of?_ Upon this, not +doubting but they wou'd keep his Counsel, he told 'em 'twas I that help'd +him, upon such occasions; and one of these Gentlemen told another of his +Comrades in the hearing of the Disguis'd Constable, who made that use of it +I have already told you. But now, to prevent the like accidents, we admit +no Strangers, unless they bring a Letter from the Person they are +Recommended by, and therein an Account of the last time they were here. By +which means we are very secure; and tho' the Society for Reformation, as +they call it, does utterly Ruine all such as are Publick Houses of +Assignation, yet our Trade is rather made the better by it; because here +they may meet without Danger of being Exposed, as a Worthy Gentlewoman had +like to have been not long ago, which might have been her Ruine, had she +not fallen into the hands of Gentlemen. + +_Pray how was that_, said the Goldsmith's Lady? + +It is a Story worth your hearing, _reply'd the Bawd_; and if you please +I'll give you the Relation of it, as I had it from one of the Gentlemen +concern'd therein. _You will Oblige me very much_; answer'd the Lady. +Whereupon the Bawd thus began. + +It happened that two Gentlemen belonging to the Army (of which the one was +my Particular Acquaintance, and a good Customer to my House) taking Water +at the _Still-yard_, was minded to divert themselves upon the River, by +going up to _Chelsie_-Reach; where they sometimes met with pretty Ladies +proper for their Purpose, But as they were going along, they perceived a +very fine Gentlewoman in a rich Garb, in a _Sculler_, all alone; and also +observed that she made the _Sculler_, who was a good likely Young Man, row +her sometimes one way, and sometimes another, without going to any certain +Place. This gave 'em occasion to Conjecture that she had appointed some +Spark or other to meet her thereabouts, whose coming she expected with some +Impatience; as they easily perceiv'd: + + _For that which frets a Woman most,_ + _Is when her Expectation's crost._ + +After she had near half hour in that manner fluctuated to and fro upon the +silver Surges of _Thamesis_, like one of the _Nereides_, and found she was +disappointed; she bid the _Sculler_ Land her at the _Three Cranes_, which +he accordingly did; and the Gentlemen likewise order'd their _Oars_ to Land +'em at the same Place; and observ'd, after the Lady was Landed, that the +_Sculler_ ask'd for his Money, and she bid him follow her; and after he +follow'd her into _Thames-street_, he began to grumble, and told her he +cou'd go no further, and therefore he wou'd have his Money; which she wou'd +not give him whithout he went wither she was going, telling him she wou'd +pay him for his time. This made the Gentlemen dog her, and soon after saw +her go into the _Three-Cranes Tavern_, and the _Sculler_ after her; which +the Gentlemen seeing, and (being resolv'd to know the bottom of this +intrigue) follow'd them into the same Tavern; and bid the Drawer, if it was +possible, let them have the next Room to that which the Gentlewoman had, +who came in just before 'em with a _Waterman_ following her: The Drawer +told 'em there was Company in the next Room then, but they were paying +there Reckoning, and would be gone immediately; and in the mean time +desir'd 'em to walk into a Box in the Yard, which they accordingly did; and +whilst they sat there, they saw the Waterman go out again. Presently after +the Drawer came and told 'em that the Room was now empty, which they +forthwith went into, and had the conveniency through a hole in the Wall, to +see the Gentlewoman unseen, who sat leaning her Arm upon the Table, in a +very melancholy Posture, as one much dissatisfy'd; having a Glass of Wine +before her, and Pen, Ink and Paper. Soon after the Waterman comes in again, +and tells her the Gentleman had not been at home since Morning, nor did +they know where he was. Where's the Note that I gave you, says she? Which +he giving her, she took and tore it, and then burn'd it, Then taking the +Glass, what's your Name, Waterman, said she? An't please you, Madam, my +Name's _John_: Well, then honest _John_ here's to ye, says she; and drank +off her Glass, and made _John_ fill a Brimmer and drink it off. And then +_John_ offering to go, she said, No, _John_, you shan't go yet, I have +something to eat, and you shall stay and eat with me: Don't be uneasie +_John_, for I'll pay you well for your time. Presently up comes the Drawer +and brings a _Lobster_ and a Piece of _Sturgeon_, with him; then bidding +the Drawer bring a Quart of _Canary_ up, she ask'd _John_ whether he lov'd +_Lobster_ and _Sturgeon_? Yes, very well, Madam, reply'd _John_, but they +are too good for my common Eating. After the other Quart of _Canary_ was +brought up, and the Drawer gone down, she bid _John_ come nearer and sit +down; and at last having both eat and drank Plentifully, she pull'd _John_ +close to her, and told him he look'd like a clever well-made Fellow, and +ask'd him, if he did'nt think himself capable of doing a Ladies Business? +which put _John_ so much out of Countenance he did'nt know what to say to +her: Upon which, first Embracing the Dull Fool in her Arms, Come, says she, +let's see how well you're furnish'd: And then putting her Hand into his +Breeches, _John_ began to think she was in Earnest, and made as bold with +her; giving her what she wanted; and then calling for another Quart of +Wine, and having drank and repeated their Amorous Embraces two or three +times, she gave _John_ a Guinea; and told him she lik'd him so well, that +she would go by Water with him that day Sennight; and charg'd him to meet +her then at five a Clock, at _Paul's Wharf_; and she wou'd then give him +such another Treat. Which _John_ promis'd her to do, and so went away very +well Satisfied. The two Gentlemen who (unseen of her) had seen and heard +all those Passages; were resolv'd to make a further Discovery of the +Gentlewoman and so dogg'd her home to her own House, which happen'd to be +at a _Woollen-Drapers_ in St. _Paul's Church-Yard_. Having thus seen her at +her own House they left her, and went to their own Lodgings. + +The next Morning they went into _Paul's Church-Yard_ to make the Lady a +visit, but past many times to & fro before the Door, but cou'd'nt get a +sight of her. In the Afternoon they came again, and having waited up and +down about an hour, they at last saw her in the Shop, and knew her to be +the same Person: Whereupon going into the Shop they ask'd her to see some +of the best _Scarlet-Cloth_, and whilst the other Gentleman was busie in +choosing the Cloth, my Friend took an opportunity to tell the Lady what a +Passion he had for her, and how ready he wou'd be to serve her with the +greatest hazard, and how he hop'd to be made happy with the enjoyment of +her last Favours; but she seeming to be mightily affronted at his +Discourse, told him, That if he did'nt leave off prating at that rate to +her, she would call to her Man to Kick him out of the Shop: Which +disdainful Carriage did so much exasperate him, that he replyed with some +heat, Why Madam, do you think I cann't do your Business as well as _John_ +did, at the _Three-Cranes_ Tavern in _Thame-street_, last Night? These +words made her change as Pale as Death: Sir, said she, As you are a +Gentleman, I hope you won't expose me: And I'll oblige you in what'e'er you +ask me.--Chuse your Cloth, says she, and I'll come down to you presently. +And then going up Stairs she return'd again in two minutes, and put twenty +Guineas into his hands, to pay for the Cloth, appointing to meet 'em at the +old Tavern an hour after; which she did accordingly, gratifying both the +Gentlemen with the same Favours she had bestow'd the Night before upon +_John_ the Waterman, whose Nose these Gentlemen had put out of +joint.--Judge you now, Madam, what a case this Gentlewoman had been in, had +she fallen into other hands. But all such accidents are avoided by those +that make use of such a House as mine. + +The Bawd having made an End of her Discourse, after a little pause, The +Goldsmith's Lady thus began: + +_I return you many Thanks for the Relation of your Life: Your Advice before +has sav'd my Reputation to my Husband and the World; which he who had first +Tempted me to Lewdness, and overcame me through the Love of Money, would +have afterwards Expos'd; for which I think my self oblig'd to you: But the +Relation you have now given me, has Oblig'd me much more; for it has made +me quite out of Love with the Trade you have all along follow'd; if for +nothing else, because of the Dangers that attend it. For if you look back, +and reflect upon your first going astray, it was full of danger and hazard; +and how private so ever you thought you were in it, yet it could not escape +your Husbands Jealousie and Mistrust; and at last, when you least suspected +it, was fully discover'd by your Gallant himself. And that occasion'd your +being turn'd out of Doors; and that taking all sense of shame from you, (as +you well observed) exposed you to a thousand Temptantions; which being +suited to your own Natural Inclinations, you presently closed withal; which +in a little time was, it seems, attended by the Pox; and which besides, +many times laid you open to the Cognizance of the Civil Magistrate; and +made you afraid of every one you saw; which must needs be a very uneasy +Life.--I can speak some thing of this by my own experience: For after I had +given way to Mr. _Bramble_'s desires, and yeilded to his Unlawful Embraces, +I was so full of Guilt, that when ever my Husband call'd hastily to me, or +spoke in the least angrily, I thought it was to tell me of my playing the +Whore with Mr. _Bramble_, my guilt still flying in my Face; so that I wou'd +not be expos'd to the like Fears again, for double the value of what I +receiv'd from him. But having been over come by him, the fear of his +exposing of me, as I perceive he intended, had not you helpt me to prevent +him, caus'd me to serve him as I did._--But you cannot imagine, (said she) +what a Consternation I was put into the other Night, when a Constable that +lives hard by us, and is one of the Society for Reformation, came to our +House, and told my Husband he came to tell him of some Discoveries he had +lately made, which were worth his hearing: My blood came all into my Face, +and I did not question but that I was to be the Subject of his Discourse. +But when I had heard out his Stories, I was better satisfy'd: Tho' they +were such as sufficiently declare the Danger, that such as you are dayly +in, of being detected, as those were of whom he gave my Husband a Relation: +Which indeed I thought to be diverting enough, as long as it did not +concern me. For tho' we care not to be expos'd our selves, we are yet ready +to take a kind of pleasure in hearing that others are so. + +If it were not too great a trouble (said the Bawd) I should be glad to hear +what those Discoveries were, that he made to your Husband; which perhaps +may be of use to me in knowing how to prevent the like Disasters. + +I shall esteem it no trouble (reply'd the Gentlewoman) to tell you any +thing I can, that may be serviceable to you; especially, if it may but +prevail with you to leave off a Calling that is so hazardous as well as +wicked--But that will be more proper to discourse, when I have given you +the Constable's Relation; and that I shall give you in his own words; which +were as follows: + +Being resolved, if possible, to prevent all that Debauchery that is acted +in the Streets of this great City every Night, I dress'd up my self as like +a Beau as possibly I could, and then taking my short Staff in my Pocket, I +went t'other Night abroad, to see what Discoveries I could make: And as I +went along the _Strand_, I met with a young Woman by the New _Exchange_, +who pretending to stumble, catch'd hold of my Coat, to save her self from +falling, and begg'd my Pardon for her Rudeness: I soon understood her +meaning, and looking upon her to be one of those Cattle I was in quest of, +I ask'd her whither she was going? She told me as far as _Sheer-Lane_, to +an Aunt of hers, where she Lodged, and she should be glad of my Company; by +which, being confirmed in what I before thought, I bid her go on, and I +would follow her, which I also did: and coming to the place said he, I +found there an old wither'd Bawd, who presently had us into a Room, and +ask'd us what we wou'd drink? I told her what the young Woman pleas'd; who +hereupon call'd for a Bottle of Ale. I told her I cou'd'nt drink, and +therefore bid her call her Aunt to drink with her: The old Woman coming in, +I bid her sit down, and ask'd her, how long she had follow'd that Trade; +What Trade, Sir, says she? Of keeping Nieces, said I: For I understand you +are this young Woman's Aunt. O Sir, said she, you are a merry Gentleman. I +have followed this Trade of being an Aunt, ever since Age made me uncapable +of being a Niece. That's a long Time ago, said I; but I believe it had been +better for you to have gone a _Nurse-keeping_, then a _Neice-keeping_. +That's your mistake Sir, says she: For as old as I am, I had rather hear a +young Girl and a brisk Spark Sing their Song by Turns, than to hear an old +Man grunting a Bed, and be oblig'd to hang my Nose continually over a +Close-Stool or a Chamber-Pot. A Glass of good Ale or Wine now and then, or +a Dram of cool _Nantz_, is more chearing to my old Spirits, than to be +sipping and tasting a little Stale Pearl Cordial or Juleps, or indeed any +Apothecaries Slop. Well, said I, you are a cunning old Woman; but pray let +me talk now to your Neice a little. Pray, how many such Aunts have you? +Why, truly Sir, said she, I have one at every corner of the Town, and lodge +sometimes with one, and sometimes with another, as I have occasion. Well +but, said I, had you not better go to Service then be burdensome to your +Freinds? No, Damn it, says she, I had rather be my own Mistress, and go to +Bed and rise when I will, then to be curb'd by every Snotty Dame. I +remember once, said she, I met with an old Master, who had a Colts Tooth in +his Head, and he would be smugling me, and kissing me in a corner, tho his +Breath was enough to turn my Stomach: but for the sake of a rusty Shilling +now and then, I was content to humour him. But when once my Mistress came +to know it, I had a Peal rung about my Ears, with the Tongs, and was forc'd +to pack out of Doors. Another time, I met with a young Master, and an old +Dame, and he wou'd always watch for an opportunity to catch me making the +Bed when my old Mistress was abroad at Market, or else sat wrapt in Flannel +by the Kitchen Fire; and with a thousands Langushing Looks and soft +Expressions, he would wish his Wife were as young and as handsome as I: or +that she was dead that he and I might make a match on't. By which means I +was betray'd to part with my Virgin-Treasure, and lick the Butter off my +old Mistresses Bread, with a very good Appetite. At last, the rising of my +Belly discover'd what I would willingly have conceal'd; this caus'd me to +be turn'd out of Doors, and left to provide for my self and a Child. Which, +when I was brought a Bed, I dispos'd to a poor Woman, who got her Living +with it, by begging in the Streets. And then finding I cou'd'nt be free +from Mens solicitations whilst a Servant, I e'en betook my self to the +present Employment, wherein I meet with Men enough, and am at no care, to +provide for Children.--When she had given an Account of her Life, said the +Constable, I then thought it was time to reprove them. And, addressing my +self to the Wench, said I, Would it not now have been a great Mortification +to you, if instead of following you to your Lodgings, I had deliver'd you +to a Constable, who had made you sit up all Night in the Round-house, and +sent you next Morning to _Bridewell_, to beat Hemp for your Living. The +young Slut nothing daunted by what I had said (says the Constable) +presently pluck'd up her Coats, and told me she'd find me other Business to +do. I seeing that pull'd out my Short Constables Staff, and told her she +didn't know her Danger, and had therefore best forbear her Impudence, or I +should quickly make her sensible that I had Power to punish her. This put +both the Old Woman and her self into a great fright; and altering her Tone, +she prayed me not to molest 'em and they would gratifie me any way +imaginable. And the Old Woman prayed me not to be severer to her then +others of my Office had formerly been: For, said she, this is not the first +time that I have been threatted in this manner, and I never yet found a +Constable, nor indeed scarce a Justice of Peace whom it was not in my Power +some time or other to oblige, either by my Purse, or in the way of my +Trade. For I have such fine Women at my Command, continued she, as are able +to Charm the most insensible Persons. I then told them, says the Constable, +That good Advice was meerly thrown away upon 'em, but I wou'd take another +Course that was more effectual; and so (says he) calling the Watch, they +were both sent that Night to the _Counter_> and the next day to +_Bride-well_; where they are still beating Hemp. And this Course (said the +Constable) I intend to take, as often as I meet with any of them. + +When the Constable had made an End, my Husband and I both applauded his +Conduct. And tho' I have once been overcome; yet I resolve never to be +guilty of the like Folly again. Nor is it yet too late for you to repent +_said the Goldsmith's Lady to the Bawd_; tho you have run through so long a +course of Wickedness; which if you still continue in, will sooner or later +bring you to certain ruine. + +Well, said the Bawd, I thought to have serv'd you, by the way of Gratitude, +for your kindness and Liberality to me, in my way of Business: But seeing +you are otherwise determined, I thank you for your Advice: and am very glad +that by my Discourse and seeing the Errors of my Life, you may come to +rectifie your own: My advice herein being the same with that of a late +great Debauchee, that writ a Book of his Life, + + _Read, but don't practice: For the Author finds_ + _They that live honest, have most quiet minds._ + + * * * * * + +FINIS. + + * * * * * + +_Books Printed for, and Sold by +_J. Gwillim_, against _Crosby-Square_ +in _Bishopsgate-Street_._ + +The History of _England_: Giving a True and Impartial Account of the most +considerable Transactions in Church and State, in Peace and War, during the +Reigns of all the Kings and Queens, from the coming of _Julius Cesar_ into +_Brittain_ to the Year 1696. By _John Seller_, Hydrographer to his Majesty. + +A Brief History of the Pious and Glorious Life and Actions of the most +Illustrious Princess, _Mary_, Queen of _England_, _Scotland_, _France_, and +_Ireland_. + +The _French_ Convert: A True Relation of the happy Conversion of a Noble +_French_ Lady, from the Errors and Superstitions of Popery, to the Reformed +Religion, by the means of a Protestant Gardner her Servant, Being the most +Stupendious and Surprizing History that ever was known, and worthy to be +had in all Families. _Price Bound_ 6 d. + +The whole Duty of a Woman: Or, a Guide to the Female Sex, from the Age of +Sixteen to Sixty. + +_Solomon_'s Temple Spiritualiz'd: Or, Gospel-light fetch'd out of the +Temple at _Jerusalem_. By _John Bunyan_. _Price Bound One Shilling._ + +The _Jerusalem Sinner_ Saved Or, good News for the Vilest of Men; being a +Help for Despairing Souls. + +The Acceptable Sacrifice: Or, the Excellency of a Broken Heart: shewing the +_Nature_, _Signs_, and _Proper Effects_ of a Contrite Spirit. Being the +last Works of that Eminent Preacher, and Faithful Minister of Jesus Christ, +Mr. _J. Bunyan_. _Price Bound One Shilling._ + +The World to come. The Glories of Heaven, and the Terrors of Hell, Lively +Display'd, under the Similitude of a Vision. 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