diff options
Diffstat (limited to '15544-8.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 15544-8.txt | 1625 |
1 files changed, 1625 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/15544-8.txt b/15544-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78d5814 --- /dev/null +++ b/15544-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1625 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Love Letters of a Rookie to Julie, by Barney Stone + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Love Letters of a Rookie to Julie + +Author: Barney Stone + +Release Date: April 4, 2005 [EBook #15544] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE TO JULIE *** + + + + +Produced by Michelle Croyle, William Flis, and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + + + + +LOVE LETTERS + +OF A + +ROOKIE + +TO JULIE + +_BY_ BARNEY STONE + +HEADQUARTERS CO., 119 F.A. A.E.F. + +ILLUSTRATIONS _BY_ GORDON ROSS + +Copyright 1919 by + +THE SHERWOOD CO. + +All rights reserved + + + + +To-- + +R.E.S., whose Suggestions made these pages possible and palatable. + + + + +[Illustration: ME ON GUARD] + + + + +_DERE JULIE_ + +IN CAMP (Somewhere between the Kitchen and the lunch counter). + +Dere Julie, + +Well, hear I am in camp after being "rough-housed on the rattlers" for +1 day and 2 nites; I was so shook-up that I'm like a loose button on +an overcoat--no wheres in particular. + +The most vivid impression in my bean is our interview in the hall-way +of your flat the night (or was it morning) when we bid each other a +fond fare-thee-well. Never will I forget them tender and loving words +you spoke, also will I remember them words spoke, by the guy on the +second floor, NOT so tender; how was we to know you were backed up +against the push button of his bell? When a boob like him lives in a +flat in wartime he ought to be made to muffle his bell after 10 p.m. +I'm gonna rite the Pres. about this. + +Our going away was some deeparture; I'll bet a small piece of change +that every fair young damsel on the block was present--and some +damsels not so young and fair. The old maid who grabbed onto me had +seen about 40 summers and heavings knows how many winters; she was so +crosseyed that if she had pulled a weep the tears would have run down +the back of her neck. It was her last chance to grab a man and believe +you me, she made use of the opportunity. + +Well angel face, here I am a buck private fur fair, but believe you +me, I'd rather be a private with a chicken on my knee than a kernel +with an eagle on my shoulder; and I'd rather have any shoulder on a +bar than a bar on my shoulder any time. + +Yours loving dough-boy, + +BARNEY. + +P.S.--I don't know why they call us dough boys, for thirty per aint +much "dough," is it angel face? + +[Illustration: "How wuz I to know you wuz agin the push button of his +bell."] + + + + +Same Camp. + +(Not on the map.) + +Dere Julie, + +Many thanks, my cherrie (that's French), fur the lovely cake you sent +me, but believe you me deary, I didn't get a smell of it. I got the +box about 6 p.m. opened it at 6;01, and at 6;01½ our band played the +Star Spangled Banner and all us fellows had to stand at attention; +by the time they had finished, our company mascot, a billy goat +camouflaged with a bunch of whiskers and an unshaven glue factory +breath gobbled the whole blooming business. + +Speaken of eats, the Gov't certainly comes across with the gorging. +That is, there's plenty of it, but the "maynew" is not as long as a +search warrant. But O, my kingdom for a plate of ham and eggs. Ham is +scarcer here than at a Jew wedding feast, and as for eggs, there ain't +no sich thing in the world. I think that some of Bill of Berlin's +ginks in this country have been hanging up birth control "info" in +every hen house in the U.S. least ways sumpin has happened to corner +the market. + +Well, deary, far be it from me to say how long this war will last. I +got a scheme to end it, so I'm gonna spill it to you, and here she is; +Lock Theo. Roosevelt and his three sons in the same room with William +the Twicer and his seven sons; whichever cums out at the end of an +hour wins the war. You bet when this cums off I'll hold a ticket on +Theo. Well honey bunch, I had a lovely dream last eve, I dreamed that +you and me was holding down a park bench, with not a cop in sight. +I had just taken you in my arms, and touched your ruby lips, when I +suddently awoke to find the captain's pet sausage hound was licking my +nose. Some day there's gonna be a first class dog funeral in this camp +and that lop-eared canine is gonna ride in the head wagon. + +It's so cold down here that if a guy wanted a hair cut all he'd haft +to do would be to wet his hair, leave his hat off, and break off the +icicles, More Anon. + +Yours until Lillian Rustle retires, + +BARNEY. + +P.S.--I'd rather be a lamp post on Broadway, than a ten story building +down here. + +[Illustration: "The Captin's pet sausage hound wuz lickin' my face."] + + + + +In Camp C, W and H. + +(Meaning cold, wet and hungry.) + +Dere Star of My Heart, + +Big day for us; we got our new soldier scenery--a complete set from +kicks to skypieces. Did you ever see a feather bed with a string +tied around the middle, or a bale of hay with the middle hoop busted? +That's what my appollonnaris form looks like now draped in the togs +handed me by the "land of the free and the home of the brave." The +pants must have been cut out with a circular saw for a bow-legged +simp. I have to use a compass to find out which direction I'm going, +and believe you me when I caught sight of "yours truly" in a mirror I +looked like the end of a load of wood and just as handsome. + +These clothes remind me of the tailors sign on eur block, "A. +LEVINSKY, FIRST CLASS TAILOR. Wear a suit of our clothes and you will +have a fit." I am liable to have several fits before I get acquainted +with 'em. If I could rent out the extra room, I could buy "makins" +for a month. They call 'em fatigue uniforms, and believe you me they +called 'em right--one look at 'em makes you tired. The only things +that fit are the hat cord and collar ornaments. + +You know how it is with me Julie nothing ready made fits me but a +hanky. + +After studying the directions, I managed to make 'em hang on me. I was +so interested in 'em that on my way over to the barracks, I failed +to salute a major who passed; he grabbed me amid ships with one hand +and pointed to his shoulder with the other; my mind bein on clothing +scenery instead of salutin, I piped up, You got no kick comin, look +what they handed me. + +Me and Skinny Shaner got on the outside of about a ½ dozen pickled +pigs feet last night at the canteen and finished off with about a +quart of ice-cream apeace. Along about a hour or so afterwards during +the mixing process, I guess the pigs feet got cold in the ice cream +and commenced to kick. Skinny was doubled up so he looked like a horse +shoe bend on a scenic railroad. I suggested that we each take a dose +of Allen's Foot Ease, as I heard that helped sore feet, but Skinny +balked; he always was stubborn like that. Finally, we sent in a three +alarm for a doc. + +[Illustration: "You got no kick comin'--look what they handed me."] + +He asked us what we'd been eatin; we couldn't give up anything, +otherwise we'd have "give up" the pigs-feet, so the Doc. Allowed we +had the appende-come-and-get-me. That's about as near to the truth as +the Docs usually gets. If you're laying at death's door they generally +pull you thru. The Doc said "operation at once" but havin read Irve +Cobb's book about Operations I passed the buck to Skinny and we +both got better simultaneously to once. I don't jest "make" this +appendicitis but I have a suspicion that's its a disease that costs +about $500.00 more than the stummick ache; anyhow its sumpin you have +just before your Doc buys a new automobile. All the samee, we're off +pigs feet fur life. + +Yrs in Health + +BARNEY. + +P.S.--I left my other shirt at the "chinks" to be laundered. Don't let +him sell it for charges before I get back. + + + + +Dere Julie, + +At last I am a officer; and it happened like this. To make my old +lady feel good, and knowin she didn't know much of the "parley-voo" +spoke in the army, I rote her that I had been made a Captain in the +Latrines; this A.M. i gets a "billy-doo" from her asking me, now that +I had got to be a high up officer, not to be too hard on the boys +under me, and to always remember that I was once a buck private in the +rear ranks. I hope the old lady don't think to look the word up in the +dictionary, or she might, as Laura Blue Jeans Libby says "be rudely +awakened." Eh What? + +An instructor today was wising us up on overseas service, and told +us the best way to rough house cooties; he didn't show us any of the +pets, but did show us the scratch proof dug-outs they had made on +his frame. From the way he described 'em and their habits, I imagine +they are the same species of "seam squirrels" that you get in a Coney +Island bathin suit. The first time you go to Mrs. Woolworth's store +please buy and send me a ½ dozen graters so I can rent 'em out to +the boys to scratch on. That's me. In time of piece prepare for war. + +I see by the papers that Uncle Sam says the Kings must be thrown out. +Believe you me, he must be some poker player to throw out 3 kings and +make a hand win. + +Skinny Shaner got in dutch today at drill. We had been drillin for a +hour or so, and the command was, Company forward march! Halt! This was +kept up continuously fur about a hour, and all to wunce Skinny trowed +down his gun and said he'd be d---- if he would be bossed by a guy +like that, he changed his mind to d---- often. Skinny is always like +that. Ever since he's been here, he's been braggin what a fine singer +he is; said his voice was trained for Grand Opera. He sang for us last +night, a song, entitled "God give us cheap ice, for Heaven's knows we +have cheap skates." Believe you me, his voice was trained for Grand +Rapids instead of Grand Opera. + +Yours until the William the Twicer gives that dinner in Paris, + +BARNEY. + +P.S.--I hope Skinny keeps well. He will if he don't try to sing again +tonite. + +[Illustration: his voice wuz trained fer Grand Rapids instead of Grand +Opera] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +They took away our maiden names yesterday, and give us numbers, +Skinny's is 31. Yesterday his old man arrived in camp to visit him. +Stepping blithely up to the top sarge he pipes up "I am the father of +thirty-one." "Well said the sarge, you ain't got much on me, I am the +father of eighteen myself." + +My number is 475. Today they marched us off to listen to a hour sermon +by a antiquated ol' bunch of spinnage, who at the end bawled out, No. +475. "Art thou weary, Art thou languid?" An now they give me 7 days in +the guard house because I yelled out that I certainly was. How was I +to know that the ol' billy goat was givin out the him to be sang. + +Im readin in the papers you sent me from home that Bill Ferguson has +enlisted, which fact leads your "uncle Dudley" to say that the war +certainly is nearin the end, for nobody ever knowed Bill to hold a job +more than 30 days at the longest. + +We got our first settin up exercises today. Believe you me, they are +more settin down than they are settin up. All the boobs have to lie +on there backs, put there laigs in the air, and move 'em like he wuz +ridin a bicycle. All to once Skinny Shaner stopped. The drill Sarge +stepped over and deemanded to know why he quit. "Im coastin" pipes +Skinny, "I always do a little coastin when I ride a wheel." Believe +you me if Skinny ever tries to ride all of them wheels in his head at +one and the same time, he have to do a considerable lot of coastin. +With love and mushes, + +BARNEY. + +P.S.--I hope this war lasts till I get over. I'll make that poll +parrot of a clown quince learn to say "UNCLE" in jig time. He won't +have as much chance as a tallow legged dog chase a cat thru H----. Now +that the Yanks have Come in fur fair, Kings, Queens and two spots is +gonna be throwed in the discard. + +[Illustration: "Coastin"] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +The Doc says that me and Skinny will recover, but we'll never look +the same. It wuz like this. Day behind yesterday we wuz out for bombin +practice, each one havin quite some supply of them hell on the Wabash +lookin things in our posesshun. Of course nothing wood do Skinny, but +that he must have a smoke. All to once, as you read in the papers, +their was a tree-mendus explosion and I went up what seamed to me +about a thousand feet. On the way down, I met Skinny going up, he +yelled out to me, "I'll bet you five bucks that I go higher than you +did." Skinny is some sport. + +Some of our training officers has seen active service in the front +line trenches. Yesterday was visiting day in camp; after drill, as +pretty a "Jane" as I have seen in this neck of woods asks one of 'em +did he croak a Fritz, while on the other side? "I sure did," sed he +"with this mighty rite hand." Whereupon, this "bunch of peeches" grabs +his hand and kisses it. Skinny 'lowed as how _he_ would have told her +he bit him to deth. That's Skinny, he's strong for the "Janes." Don't +peeve up Julie, a lot of 'em down here fall for me, but I let 'em +lay; exceptin for a few I've saw, you have 'em all lashed to the mast +howlin fur mercy. + +Seems to me like we don't do anything down here but walk. It's a +wonder to me that all of us don't walk in our sleep. I was telling +Skinny we should have joined the cavillry, but Skinny said no; He +'lowed as how if he ever had to retreat he didn't want to be bothered +with no horse. + +Yours truly and affectionately, + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: "I'll bet 5 bucks I go higher than you."] + + + + +Dere Julie: + +Many thanks for the pink silk piejamas, with the red ribbon ties. +Skinny sez they are "a thing of beauty and a joy forever." It don't +take much to make Skinny poetical. When the Sarge got a lamp at 'em he +sed "they would move _anyone_ to poetry, if he didn't "do the Dutch" +first." + +I'm afraid the Pres. is not running this trainin biz rite. What's +the use of wisin up this big bunch of guys, when one company of cooks +could wipe out the Fritzies in twenty four hours, if they can get 'em +to eat some of the stuff they wish onto us. We have seventeen kinds of +meat everyday--hash. That's all rite. We can stand fur that, but when +they put raisins in it on Sunday and call it puddin, good nite, its +enough to make a feller bat 1000 in the booze league. + +Speakin of shufflin off reminds me that Skinny 'lows as how we ought +to make our wills before we hit the briny trail. The only WILL I'm +worried about Julie, is WILL I cum back? And that's no Bullsheveki, +fur you know derie when one of them tin fish strikes a transport, yer +jest as well let your voice fall. Say Julie, I'm not fur this country +down here a-tall. It has ticks; chiggers and nats all open fur biz +at one and the same time. You never had a tick on you did you Julie? +Well a dog with two sets of flees isn't any busier than said tick. +They ought to draft a lot of 'em into the engineers. They are the best +lil' trench diggers on earth. They always selects a place between your +shoulder blades where you can't reach 'em and dig in. The think-tank +of a tick is not large; but unless they have been shootin hop into +themselves, they can make a guy feel as small as a bar of soap after a +hard days washin. Yours till the kaiser's mustash droops, + +BARNEY. + +P.S. Skinny sez this means "poor simp" but lissen, derie, fer you it +means pretty sweet. + +[Illustration: "Them ticks is the best lil' trench diggers in the +army."] + + + + +Friday the thirteenth. + +Dere Julie: + +A bugler is jest as popular round this camp in the a.m. as a roman +nose in Russia. If "yours truly" ever gets a large bunch of the mazuma +I'm gonna hire a bugler to blow the revelee every morning at 6 under +my window so I can tell him to go to H----. Skinny sed a Jane he asked +to marry him wunce told him to go to the same place; she didn't jest +zactly tell in them words, but sed to go ask her paw. Now Skinny +knowed her "old" man was dead, he also knowed what kind of a life +he'd lead, so Skinny was wise to what she ment when she piped "Ask +dad." If she'd told me that same I would have thought she was flashin +a spiel for Sweet Caps. Skinny says that's repartee, but I think +its RAP-artee. Speakin of Russia, I see by the papers that a new +revolution has busted out there. That God forsaken country reminds me +of a fly wheel on a automobeel--2000 revolutions per minute. + +I had a grate peece of luck this a.m. I had three portions of bacon +for breakfast which same happed on account of my bein seated between +a young Jewish feller on one side, and a Catholic feller on the other. +It bein Friday--nuff sed. Don't ever try to tell me again that Friday +the thirteenth is unlucky. + +If I was loose from the army, I could make a million dollars in the +umbrella business; its stopped pouring now, but comin in bucket fulls, +and we are looking fur orders from Washington any day to begin to +build a ark. + +Last nite after taps me and Skinny wuz arguin about who wuz to blame +for this war. Confidentially Julie, I think it was Theo. Roosevelt. Do +you remember Julie, about ten years ago when Theo. was on a trip round +the world, he called on Bill the Twicer and Bill got out his army and +peeraded them in Theo.'s honor? and Theo. not wantin to be lackin in +perliteness, slapped Bill on the back and sed, "Bill with an army like +that you can lick the world," Member him sayin that Julie? Well he +did, and Bill the Two-spot, was d---- fool enuff to fall fur Theo's +bunk. + +Yours 'till the Klown Quince sings the Star Spangled Banner. + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: "An' Bill The Twicer wuz fool enuff to fall fer Theo's +bunk"] + + + + +Camp Wadsworth. + +Dere Julie:-- + +Well, ol' girl, you can see by the heading of this that we have gone +south. The plentifullest things down here is "dinges", mules and mud, +and you very seldom see one without the other. You know Julie "Birds +of a fether gathers no moss"; sumpin like that anyhow; you know Julie +I was never much on problems. I see a big lazy dinge yesterday asleep +against a corner of the barracks when the bugle blowed the mess call; +he woke up in time to hear the last notes; stretching himself and +scratching his bed, he said: "Dar she blows, dinner time for white +folks, but just 12 o'clock for niggers." + +Well Julie, you can bet your Wrigleys and every hair on your bureau, +that what Sherman said about war is right; its easy to get in an' hard +to get out. Reminds me of the story my ol' man tells about when he +lived on a farm (You know Julie dere, I told you my old man was raised +on a farm in Brooklin, N.Y.U.S.A.). He stuck his bean into a yoke, to +teach a yearling calf to work double, and the way that calf started +to hot foot it to the other end of Long Island was some exhibition of +speed. He could have give the Empire State express a ten mile start +at Peekskill and beat it into Powkeepsy. He yanked my ol' man along +so fast that his feet only struck the ground every other mile. If the +calf had run around in a circle, my ol' man could have spit in his own +face. His coat tail stuck out so straight behind you could have played +a game of peaknuckle on it. Finally the o' man got hep that he wasn't +gonna be able to break the calf before the calf broke my ol' man's +neck so he yelled out, "here we come, dum our fool souls, somebody hed +us off." So Julie, see if somebody bobs up who is able and willin to +stop this little unpleasentness, let him go to it like a sick kitten +to a hot rock. + +Member Julie that song we all usto sing comin home on the boat after +a picnic at Staten Island of the Patrick Dooley East Side Outing +and Chowder Club? You know Julie--The chorus ends with Beans! Beans! +Beans! Say kid, that song would fit in this camp like a hungry tramp +at a chicken dinner. Every farmer in the good ol' U.S.A. must have +planted nothing but beans for the last two years. We have 'em boiled +fer breakfast, baked fer dinner, and in the soup for supper. Every +time the Chaplin (not Charlie) says grace, he always "Thanks the Lord +for these tokens of his grace," and Skinny got forty-ate hours in the +booby hatch fer askin me real loud like, so everybody could hear him +to "please put some of them tokens on his plate." + +[Illustration: "Dinner fer white folks, but jest 12 o'clock fer +niggers--"] + +But all the same Julie I'm glad I'm here. Of course I miss you; as the +poet sez "Your brite smile haunts me still." Never will I ferget what +a beautiful picture you made the Sunday before I left when I was rowin +you round the lake in Central Park. You was settin up in the bough of +the boat trailing your lily white hand in the water, and looking up +into my eyes you gurgled in a voiced choking with love, emotion and +beer, you said, "Wouldn't it be heavenly derie, if we could go floting +down life's stream in a boat like this forever and ever"--an' me +paying 25c. an hour for the boat. Of course you didn't think of that, +did you derie. + +Yours until Brooklyn wins another penant, + +BARNEY. + + + + +Dere Julie: + +On land again, thank God! Comin across we skidded several times and +there were occasions when it looked like there wuzn't anything like +dry land in the whole world, yet we finally landed on terra cotta, +vice versi, or whatever Lattin fraze they use for solid ground. + +Believe you me, Julie, I luv a life on the ocean wave like a burlecue +soubrette luvs an alarm clock; that is I like it a lot, but not a +heluva lot. Fer four hours at a strech I leand over the side of the +ship; I wuzn't interested in the ocean or the study of fishes, only I +felt I had sumpin I must give up. Finally, after givin up everything, +even standin for some of Skinny's jokes, I managed to recover +sufficient to enjoy two meals before we got to the dock. Believe you +me, derie, you do not know how near you cum to havin to wear black, +and cashin in on my life insurance. Speaking of life insurance, +reminds me of Skinny's prayer when he turned in one night when it was +stormy. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, +If the ship should sink before I wake, Uncle Sam has made a $10,000 +mistake." + +And speaking of turning in brings up the subject of hammicks; show +me a guy who can ride one all nite without being turned out, and I'll +back him to ride the best tricky mule that P.T. Bamum ever trained. +About the only way to do, when the nite is ruff, and the ship is +rockin, is to sit down and wait until your hammick comes around, and +jump on it and choke it into insensibility. I made out to do this +better than the balance of the bunch, as I had had more practice, +owing to the fact I used to use this method after a nite with the +boys; when I got to my street I used to sit down on the curb, and wate +fur my house to come round; when it came I used to jump on it and hang +on. + +Believe you me Julie, that "A life on the ocean wave" may be all rite +as a song but its no noise fur a guy who was born and brung up in +Longacher square. + +Will rite you again as soon as I get my land legs. + +Yours until they build another statue to Von Hindenburg. + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: "I felt as if I had somethin I _must_ give up."] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +Arrived in London O.K. and wet. London is worse than them that talk +about it. When we got unshipped at Liverpool it was rainin cats and +dogs, Skinny was worried over getting his new scenery wet, as he had +lost his rain coat, on the way over, so he spent all morning in the +rain trying to get a new one. Skinny was wetter than I was when I went +home after my nightie the nite you had me stay at your house because +it was stormin outside. He was so wet the water was runnin offen his +rist watch; Skinny wasn't worried about the rist watch as he said it +had been soaked many times before. + +Well derie, I am glad I enlisted; I am sertainly gettin some +experience in this little ol' scrap; and will have sumpin to relate +to them slackers when I get home to 'lil ol' New York. Skinny asked +me did I know what a slacker stood for. I told him I didn't know +everything but that most of 'em reminded me of a lemmen marine +pie--yellow all thru, and not enuff crust to go over the top. However +don't be too hard on 'em Julie, no person is perfect as Mose Jackson +said when he was convicted for the 10th time of harvestin other +peoples poultry. + +The worst thing I haft to lissen to is Skinny talkin about his first +wife. He says he used to sit and hold her hand fer hours; maybe he +did, and believe you me Julie from other things he said about her, I +believe if he'd ever let loose of her hand she would have killed him. + +With love, I am + +Yours until the Fritzies sing the Marcel Wave on Unter der Linden, + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: He wuzn't worried. It had been "soaked" often--] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +Well ol' dear (you see I've already picked up some London wheezes) a +week has flat-wheeled by since you've heard from 'lil brighteyes. Last +wensday Skinny and me got a pass to do the burg, and our pocket books +have been at half mast ever since. As we are billeted some distance +from Picadilly, we figgered to go downtown in a taxi, rite there our +trubbles begun. We asked the pilot of the tin Lizzie what the tax +would be and he comes back with, "2 and 6 thankee sir." Can you beat +it? Two dollars fer me and six fer Skinny. We hot footed it down and +saved that much. + +I didn't care much about ridin with him anyhow. I think he was a Jona; +anyway he was so cross eyed that if he'd aimed a gun at Berlin he +would have shot an eye out of Constantinopel. + +We wuz a little nervous account of not being wise to the customs, +but Skinny said if we kept our lids down over our ears nobody would +be wise as to what was going on inside our skulls. The first place +we went into was the Palm Tree Inn. All the barkeepers and waiters +was "Janes." Most of them wuz pretty good looking; one "Jane" in +particular was there with a front. Skinny got one lamp at her and +immediately forgot what he joined the army for. + +We wondered why it was called Palm Tree Inn cause there wasn't a palm +in sight, but when we showed the color of our coin, then everybody in +the joint showed us a palm. The people here move slowly, and believe +you me Julie a spider slower than a fifth avenoo handsome cab would +have a cinch spinnin a web around all of 'em. Skinny says most of 'em +has a long line of ancestors; but let me slip you the "info" derie, +that some of 'em must be sinkers on the end of the line. I wish that I +knowed as much as they think they do. + +Yours till someone counts all the flivvers, + +BARNEY. + +P.S. Tomorrow night, Skinny wants me to go to the Opera with him. +I'm not goin--cause I always sleep better at home. I'd rather here a +soubrette dolled up in a costume that would barely pass the bord of +sensers sing a song like "Mother don't bother with the rolls, father's +coming with a bun." + +[Illustration: Skinny got one lamp at her, and immediately forgot what +he joined the army for] + + + + +Dere Julie: + +These cockney birds sure chirp some language. Believe you me, a guy +had orto carry an interpreter around with him. Me and Skinny went +out to a swell English camp today to take a peep at English trainin +methods; outside we sees a tipical Tommy Atkins settin down fixin +sumpin wrong with his kicks; as we heaved along side of him, he yells +out to us, "I say, ol' top, have ye any lices?" Skinny, thinkin he +ment did we have seam squirrels commenced to bawl him out in jig time, +telling him there was no such things in the good ol' U.S.A. when he +came back with, "Oh, I say ol' top, I didn't mean the lousy lices, +I meant shoe lices." What they say over here about these cooties +wouldn't look well in print, and makes me think they are harder to get +rid of than a flivver. + +If there's one thing in life that Skinny loves its sumpin good to eat. +Honestly, Julie, I believe he thinks of eating when he's asleep. We +goes into a feedin place yesterday in White Chapel to satisfy what +the poets call, an inner longing. I was so hungry my stomak tho't my +throat was cut, Skinny slips the female "biscuit shooter" a tip and +sez, "Now suggest a good dinner for me;" and she whispered in his +listener "Go to some other restaurant." Serves Skinny right about +losing the tip for he's such a tight wad that when the company sings +"Old Hundred" at chapel Skinny sings the "Ninety and Nine" just to +save a cent. Honest Julie, I don't believe he would give two bits +to see the statue of Liberty do the hoo-chama-cooch. Speaking of +the hoochy-koochy reminds me that we saw the Ol' Curiosity shop that +Charlie Dickens wrote about, and desiring to become acquainted with +how much Skinny knowed about books, plays, and etcetery, I asked +him did he ever see Oliver Twist? He says "no but I've seen Fatima +wiggle." He would miss a point if he sat down on a tack, and it would +take a vaccum cleaner to sweep the cob-webs from his noodle; someday +I'm gonna hang a peece of crape on his nose, for I think his brain is +dead. + +That's why I think he always has a cold in his head, as you know Julie +that disease always strikes in the weakest spot. + +Yours until one of the Kaiser's sons is wounded, + +BARNEY. + +P.S. Keep offen indoor sports, fur none of 'em has got sense enuff to +know when to go home. + +[Illustration: Skinny wouldn't giv 25 cts. to see the Statue of +Liberty do th' hoo-cha-ma-coochy] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +We have caught up with the Spanish influenzy--not influence! as there +ain't no sich thing in the world as Spanish influence. The disease is +not confined to Spanish people. It hit Skinny and he speaks Spanish +with an Irish accent, and has never been nearer Madrid than a Spanish +omelet made in Hoboken. + +You're nose gets as red as a rear light on an automobile or the beak +of a Park Row panhandler. Your knees knock together like a man who +sees a collector for an installment house. The only things it don't +attack is your corns. They should rename it mucilage flu because it +certainly is a sticker; you have as much pep as an Ingersol watch with +the main spring on a two weeks vacation; but cheer up derie, there +ain't goin to be any job fer any undertaker. No foreman fur a funeral +is gonna say "All those desirin to kiss the corpse, will please pass +up this aisle and go down the other." Not for a while I hope; which +reminds me of that time you and me went to the revival meetin in +Carnarsie. Remember that Julie? You know the time the undertaker put +a century note in the plate, and the ol' sky pilot not knowing who it +wuz prayed that "the business of the giver would increase an hundred +fold." + +Skinny went into store today to buy a birthday present for his "Jane" +in the U.S. Steppin blithely up to a fresh sales girl he said "I +wanna get something for a gift to a lady." "Your wife sir?" sed she. +Skinny thought it would be safer to pose as a married man, so he said +"Yes'm." "Bargain counter to the right, sir," and she went on wrasslin +with her Wrigleys; she was so busy with it, she wasted no more time +than a blue gum coon passing a grave yard at midnight, with no rabbits +foot in his pocket. The sales ladies in this emporium are always in +high speed, with the throttle wide open when it comes to chatter; at +another counter I asked the young lady to show me the thinnest thing +in underwear. Flashing a 40 below zero look she lisped, "I'm very +sorry sir, but she's just gone out to lunch." + +Yours until the Eskimos wear Palm Beach suits, + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: "Somethin fer my wife" says he. "Bargain counter next +isle" says she] + + + + +Dere Julie: + +We drilled today for the first time since we landed in this land of +smoke and fog. I'd enjoy these drills, in fact so would all the boys, +if it wasn't fer Skinny. The only one that's in step is him. He knows +as much of the commands as a Bowery Bum knows about publishing a +Chinese newspaper. + +Today we saw a German prisoner for the first time. He looked nearly +human. Written on his belt was "Gott mit Uns," an English soldier who +saw it said, "But I say Ol top _We have the Americans with us_." So +you see they're wise to us already. + +Believe you me derie, if this war lasts six months longer, Gen. +Pershing and his boys will make German the court language in the lower +regions. + +Skinny spent last night in the guard house. In trying to get back in +camp after taps he runs plum into a sentry who said "Halt, who goes +there?" and Skinny told him "Oh never mind, I only have been here +a week and you wouldn't know me ennyhow." He told me today that he +didn't wanna be a kernel as there wuzn't much chance fer advancement. +I think I told you Julie in one of my letters how stingy this bird +Skinny is. Last week we got a three day ferlow and beat it up to the +big burg to see the sites. Goin into one of the big hotels, I said to +the clerk "What are your rates?" "Five shillings up to 10," he said. +Skinny called me to one side an' whispered "Ask him how much it will +be up to half-past eight." + +Well, derie, we hear we're soon goin on to France, and then +fare-thee-well loafin. We be busier than a paralized man with the +cooties. The only thing that's lible to bother me is the language. I +don't know whether I can speak it or not, I never tried it. + +Yours until they have ham at a Jewish wedding, + +BARNEY. + + + + +Dere Julie: + +Skinny and me has at last burgled our way into society. You know +derie, that what I know about the highbrow stuff would fill a book, +and what Skinny don't know would fill a library. + +Believe you me derie, you needn't get jelous for I would just as +soon get chummy with a flivver as I would with this bunch of "Janes" +who put us on exhibition, for that was exactly what we wuz in their +eyes--freeks on exhibition. + +It happened like this: Lady Blue Jeans Shoddy or some name like that +was givin an afternoon funkshun (I'm quotin from the invite so I can' +tell you what it means derie) fer charity and a lot of our company was +invited to come, admission free--tickets fifty cents. Anyhow it was +a lecture by Lord Somebody for the benefit of Lord knows what; the +nearest I could make out it was a spiel on "Do married men make the +best husbands." I'd like to tell you how I enjoyed the talk--but I +don't use that kind of language; anyhow I'll lay a small peece of +change that this bird knew less about what he was trying to talk about +than you could drive into a turkey gobbler with a peggin' awl. I give +in tho, that he was a brave cuss; anybody who stood up and shot "bull" +like he did for two solid hours, must have been brave. Everytime I +looked at him I thought of that ol saw "Faint heart never kissed the +chamber maid." When he finished everyone in the audience was "out" +exceptin an ol maid who was trying to send him a love message by eye +wireless. + +After his batteries went dead on him we was invited to eat. It wuz the +first time I ever eat out in company with Skinny, and believe you me, +Julie, it'll be the last time while I am conscious. I'm not going to +try to tell you of all his breeches of etiket 'twould take too long, +but he pulled one that was a beaut. He kept mixing honey with his +peas; I kep kicking him under the table, and finally I got a chanct to +whisper "What in h---- was he doin that for?" He whispers back "How am +I gonna make 'em stay on my knife if I dont mix 'em with sumpin." + +Yours until country bording houses quit using canned vegtabils. + +BARNEY. + + + + +Dere Julie:-- + +When the Kaiser is canned and I get back to the ol' job, eatin my 3 a +day, and holdin your hand in the movies at nite, I'm gonna try fer the +vaudeville. We have formed a quartet in our company, and we must be +pretty good fer up to the present nobody has fired anything at us but +remarks. Skinny tried to git in by telling us his voice was trained; +the top sarge sed he guessed it was trained all-rite, all-rite, +but he must of trained it selling strawberries. We have a little +Yiddish feller in it too, You know, Julie, the one who slips me his +bacon every mornin; when he ain't soldierin, he runs a little gents +furnishin store on 8th Avenoo; he's some warbler too, but persists in +allus wantin to sing "Keep the home fires Burnin." Well Julie, if he +has ten thou. insurance on that joint of his, as he sez he has, no +wonder he wants to "keep the home fires burnin." He's all business +this little Jewish guy. Skinny sez if he was shiprecked on a deserted +eyeland he would get up the next morning and try to sell a map of the +eyeland to the natives. He's a good business feller too. He rote a +song once, fer a big vaudeville actor, and the actor wrote Izzy to +send it along and if it was good he would send a check. Izzy wired +back to send the check, if it was good, he'd send the song. + +Well Julie, I'd like to see your little blonde bean just about now. +Believe you me, Julie, me for the blondes every time. Skinny says that +brunettes is the most popular; well maybe he's right; ennyhow his girl +has been both, so I suppose he knows. I don't know whether you ever +saw this "dame" of Skinny's or not Julie. She lives on the upper east +side of New York and ways about 275 plus in her bathin suit; believe +you me, she ought to marry a traffic cop as he's the only guy I know +of that can handle a crowd. I'll bet 10 cents against Bryan's chance +of being Pres. Skinny can wear one of her stockins for a sweater. If +she ever wore a striped waist she'd look like the awning over a greek +candy store, she never knows when she needs a shine, fer, like Bill +the Twospot, she can't see de feat. + +Believe you me, angel face she looks like a model fer a tent. + +When Her and Skinny walks along Broadway the newsies yell, "Hully +Gee! Here goes the claronet and the bass drum, where's the rest of the +band?" I'm tellin Skinny I can't see anything attractive about her, +and he says "I know you can't see anything but she's got it in the +bank all-rite, all-rite." + +Speaking about this William Jennins Bryan, I'm readin in the papers +about a bull chasin him half way across a field. Imagine Julie, a bull +doin that to Theo. Rusevelt, it wouldn't go ten feet before Theo would +turn round, grab it by the tale and throw it. When it comes to throwin +the bull Theo. has any Spainnard or Mex lashed to the mast howling for +mercy. + +Yours until Eva Tanguay quits singin "I don't care." + +BARNEY. + +P.S. Tell your ol' man not to lose any sleep over the four bits I owe +him on that last peaknuckle game, for if anything happens to me here +you can give it to him out of the l.i. policy. + + + + +NOWHERE IN FRANCE. + +Dere Julie: + +At last we are in the land made famous by Joan of Ark, and notorious +by N. Bonaparty. The little burg we are billeted in is about as big as +a pound of choclates after a Yale-Harvard football game. It's so small +you can stand on the corner of Rue de Main and spit into the country. +It looks like the ornament on a birthday cake or a picture post office +card. + +We have been hear about 1 week, and would have written sooner but for +the second time in the life of yours truly, I am recovering from "Mal +dee Mear" (the name is bad enuff, but the disease is worse) Third +Class passengers call it sea-sickness, but if you have a first class +cabin, you are supposed to call it mal dee mear. + +They say its only about 30 miles from Dover to Callay; maybe it is on +a calm day, but believe you me derie, we went up the hills of water to +the tune of about a hundred miles. It was all-rite goin up, but Julie +goin down is when everything "comes up." That's if you have anything +left to come up. + +[Illustration: "I don't know what to call you," sez he, "Call me an +ambulance," says I.--] + +The game we played comin over would have been a good trainin fer a +prize fiter. We tumbled round so we looked like we was shadow boxin. +"Snappy brand of weather" pipes one of these sailor guys. He was rite, +I never remember givin a better imitation of a whip snapper; and the +wind, Julie dere, the wind which spends its time round the Flatiron +and Woolworth Buildings, are as the poets say "gentle zephers" to that +which sweeps across the English channel when a man sized storm is on; +it listens like a cross between the moan of a dyin giastacutus and a +subway express behind time under the East River. + +I never before was so glad to set my foot on dri land. I was so +tickled I could have kisst the ground if it had been Hoboken, N. +J.U.S.A. Next time they send me to Vive la France, I hope they send me +by parcels post or airoplane. I bumped into the Captain; he said, "I +dunno what to call you," I told him he could call me an ambulance or +a taxi, anything to get to land with. We have been on water so much +since we swore our way into the army, that I don't know whether I'm in +the army or navy. Tomorrow me and Skinny is gonna get a pass to look +over Paree. We're lookin forward to a big time with what Skinny calls +"Ze gay chansonettes." I don't know whether he means a disease or a +dance, as I don't make this parley-voo much, but I'm gonna find out +before we come back. + +With love I am yours until my wrist watch goes 24 hrs without takin a +recess, + +BARNEY. + +P.S. How about my other shirt, did you get it from the Chinks? + + + + +Nowhere in France the morning after a night in Paris. + +Dere Julie: + +So this is Paris. Believe you me, Julie, I don't see why they wanna +keep Wilhelm the Twicer away from this burg; give him 48 hrs. in +Paree like the once around the clock we had here and it would be +fare-thee-well Wilhelm. There would be nothin left to say but "don't +he look natural." + +Speaking of funerals, Julie reminds me that was the first thing we met +up with when we arrove in Paree! Flowers, paul-bearers, an everything. +Skinny lowed as how it must be some high and mitey who had joined his +4 fathers, and asked a Frenchy standing on the curb of the "bull-yard" +who the big guy wuz? Shrugging his shoulders, he pipes up with sumpin +which sounded like "Monsewer Jennyseepah." Well, we didn't ever here +of the poor boob, so we went over onto the next Rue (make that Julie. +I'm getting along fine), and we runs slap bang! into a other funeral +more elegant than the first; and Skinny not wantin to let anything get +by him, again asked the name of the guy ridin in the head waggin and +he got the same answer "Monsewer Jennyseepah." "Yer a liar," yelled +Skinny, "we just saw _his_ funeral on the other street." Well, Julie, +I don't blame Skinny, I was a little sore myself on the way this guy +tried to string us. + +[Illustration: Me an' Skinny seen the toom of Napoleon the Wunst.] + +We got along seem the sights without much trouble; the toom of +Napoleon the Wunst, the bridge over the Sane, the 4th of July colum +and Champ de Lizzie; feelin hungry we drifted into a swell lookin +feedin place with good lookin she waiters. Now don't be nervous Julie, +there ain't nothin gonna happen with me and them Jane's; for believe +you me star of my heart, I don't _care_ what anybody says to me, but +you can bet every dollar that Hetty Green ever gave to charity, that +when I do marry, I'm gonna get a dame who bawls me out in language +that I understand. Well, luckily we struck a she waiter who spoke +a little American; to put it as she said "I speek a leetle of what +Monsewer calls ze Anglaise." The first thing we ordered was soop. The +Jane brought it in a bowl and had her thum jabbed into it, when Skinny +pointed to her thum in the soop, she grinned and sed "Zats all rite, +Monsewer, it is not hot." We got along very well (considerin that +Skinny kept her mind offen her business by trying to send her a eye +wireless) and got down to the desert. You know me Julie, Me for the +good old fashioned pies like my ol' lady makes. Gettin a lamp at what +looked like a juicy huckleberry pie, I pointed to it and said in my +company tone of voice "Please give me a big dose of that huckleberry +pie." Puttin on her prettiest smile and rollin her eyes, and arching +her shoulders she cum back with "if Monsewer will pleese brush off ze +flies, he will find it is custard pie--NOT ze huckleberry." + +Its a good thing we are leaving to-morrow to go toward the front for +if we staid round her long the moral of our regiment would stand at +about zero minus 5. + +Yours until they chase the Kaiser to Holland with the balance of the +windmills. + +BARNEY. + + + + +On the Hike Nowhere in France. + +Dere Julie: + +There shure is a bunch of widows over here, Both grass and sod. I say +little brighteyes, do you think it possible fer a guy to get hay fever +from a grass widow? Ennyhow Skinny got some kind uv fever when he was +chummin round with these female comfort kits, and if they don't lose +his trail, I can see visions of a certain (what the dickens is that +French word for fat--oh yes, embumpoint), lady in Hoboken, N.J.U.S.A., +lookin fer a new affinity. In other words, unless the signs is +misleading, Skinny is gonna lose his liberty by gettin married, and +its the opinion of your "'Lil Brighteyes" that the speech of P. Henry +of Va. on "Give me Liberty or give me deth" was made, more because he +was married than because he was patriotic; and all the married men, +I'm told Julie, are chirpin the same wheeze. Of course with you derie, +its different. I don't believe you would accuse a feller of keepin +another woman when his pay envelope is a nickle shy on Sat. night. + +Skinny and me had a date with the Pudding Sisters at the canteen last +nite, and believe you me, they was some babies, and was well worth the +money we spent on 'em. + +Some people we met today from Belgium say that when the Fritzies get +soused, they hug and kiss every woman they meet. What a fat chance for +that sweet maiden of fifty years who grabbed me off at the station, +the day I left for camp. You can bet your Wrigleys that after a +regiment passed her she would make a detour and catch up with the head +of it again. + +Yours until Eyetalian restaurants serve real wine. + +BARNEY. + +P.S. After readin this letter over I tho't I'd better wise you up on +that date me and Skinny had with the pudding sisters at the canteen +last nite. Women are so suspicious you know. I ment we went down to +the canteen to get some puddin, rice and tapioca. + +"B." + +[Illustration: She would run and ketch up with the hed of the +perseshun] + + + + +Dere Julie: + +Your last lovin letter was rec'd by your little bright eyes in a +quaint old burg in viva la France, just back of where the Yanks are +making soup strainers of William the Twicer's boobs by punchin them +in the kitchen with that "wooden sword of America." You know Julie, +that story that the Emp has been jabbing them in the arm with about +"America couldn't fite if she would, and wouldn't if she could," +and tellin em also about Germany's "submarines sinking all the Yanks +transports etcery etcery." If Bill keeps this up very long they will +nickname him Barnum. + +Speaking of William the Twospot, reminds me of what one of our boys, +which was taken prisoner and escaped, wuz telling about what the Emp +said when he saw so many of our boys on the front at Chato Theiry; +sendin fer some of his generals he deemanded they tell him what boat +brung all them Yanks over. One of 'em piped up and sed "I think, yer +Majesty it was the Lusitania." Being German, it went over his bed like +a air ship. + +The way things are goin now, it looks as if William the Twicer is +gonna have a great future behind him: Skinny sez the Klown Quince and +his army reminds him very much of his (Skinny's) brother who went out +west and made twenty Indians run--but the Indians couldn't ketch him. +Believe you me derie, the Boches are running faster than the color +in a 19 ct. pair of stockins. They are hot footin it faster than the +train that I left for camp on pulled out of Grand Central Station; and +that pulled out so fast that when I tried to kiss you from the window +when she started, I kissed a cow ten miles away. + +Well Julie dere, I miss you much believe you me. I'd rather see you +just about now than a messenger with the news that piece has been +sined; of course there's a lot of nice girls hear amung the Red X +Nurses and Y workers, but there's so many officers and gold braids +round that fellers like us dont get any more show than a dollar at a +church fair. + +[Illustration: Speakin' of William the Two-spot] + +We're up now to where we can hear the noise of the big 75's as they +pound the Boches from their trenches and have gotten so used to it +that we can't sleep without it. Every once in a while we see the +ambulances comin in, and a lot of the boys have to be watched to +keep em from trying to beat it back into the trenches again. We heard +yesterday Julie, about a detachment who went over the top and the +commanding officer told em not to go beyond a certain objective during +the first half hour; when the half hour was up they wuz a half mile +beyond the objective. When the major of the battalion bawled out the +company commander, he yelled back at him "H---- if the Crown Prince's +men couldn't stop 'em what chance had I to stop 'em?" That's whats +winning this hi' ol' scrap Julie--we hit em first and apologise +afterward. + +Some of our boys was sayin to-day that they thought the war would soon +be over, and when I ast Skinny about it, he allowed as how that meant +fer single guys only; that the war would go on fer married men just +the same. Corporal Louie Heinlein sez that song "Here cums the +bride is the greatest battle song of all" and Louie has had a lot of +experience with "Janes." But with you and me Julie dere, that will be +sumpin else again. + +Yours till people keep their New Year's resolutions until Valentines +day, + +BARNEY. + + + + +Dere Julie, + +At last I have smelt the smoke of battel, and fer the third time since +I joined the colors you don't know how near you've been to cashing +that 10 thou. insurance policy. You would have cashed it fer sure this +time, if it hadn't been fer a despised cooty; never again will yours +truly be hard on 'em. + +I have one that I'm gonna retire on a penshun. It wuz like this. +Our regiment wuz called upon to go into the front line trenches and +while I was peepin over the top, one of them pesky "seam squirrels" +commenced bitin the back of my neck. I bent my head for'd to reach +over on the back of my neck to pick him off, at one and the same time +a sniper cut loose at me from a big tree just outside the line of +Fritzies trenches; had my head been where it was before I started to +get the cooty, it would have been fare-thee-well Barney, so I just +put Mr. Lifesaver back, and, as before stated, I'm gonna put him on a +penshun. + +Believe you me derie, the way our boys made that sniper climb down out +of that tree would make Tarzan of the apes have a hemorage, and turn +green with envy; he shinned down that landscape decorashun like as if +it was greased. + +Well derie, when we first swore our way into the army, I thought +Skinny was a coward; I figgered if he ever got in a regular scrap +with Bill the Twicers hired patriots his knees would knock together +like a pair of castnets played by a Spanish bull fiter; but I take it +all back, Skinny in battel is a whole team and a cross dog under the +waggin. It came about like this. We was bein bumbarded by the Fritzies +in the most approved style and believe you me derie, the shells and +shrapnels was flyin round and over our heads thicker than hungry bums +around a free lunch counter; all to once Skinny commenced to get a bad +case of the hecups. I didn't say anything to him as I was busy with a +little party of my own when all to once he yells to me, "Say Barney, +fer Heavens sake do somethin to scare me so I can get rid of these +d---- hecups." So you see Julie dere, you never can tell by the looks +of a frog how fer it can jump. + +This lil' old scrap has brung out a lot of cases like Skinny's; +fellers in civil life that you think wouldn't have the sand to get +manicured, or ther hair cut without takin cloroform, are puttin +themselves on the map faster than towns on newly opened Government +land. Even the married men in our regiment are gettin so "Spiffy" that +I believe they'll have sand enough to talk back to friend wif when +they get back home. + +Yours until they make bottles without false bottoms. + +BARNEY. + +[Illustration: He cum down that tree quicker than Tarzan uv the Apes] + + + + +Dere Julie, + +Well Julie, a courier has just horned his way into camp with the +"info" that this lil ol' scrap is over, and I've lost an other chance +to be a hero; but I'm not gonna go round making a noise like a dill +pickel, just because I didn't get no show to give the Fritzies a upper +cut. I'd rather be a live simp Julie, than a dead hero, any day. + +Its better for me ennyhow, to say "there he goes, than here he lies." +Believe you me derie, I've saw enuff of the damage these Boch pills +can do, to know that a boob who tries to stop one of 'em with his +frame, has no more chance than a 10 cent piece of ice when the +thermometer is 99 plus in the shade, or a scuttle of suds in a Bowery +gin mill. + +Well Ol' dear, she's over, and I didn't get a chance to croak a single +Fritzie. My ol' man had better luck in the civil war. He was out one +hot nite with a foraging party and they run into a confed ambuscade, +a big fat Johnny Reb took after my old man and the chase was nip and +tuck fer about 2 miles. Just when the ol' gent had give himself as +lost, he saw over his shoulder the confed fall down in a heap and die +from being overheated. But at last Julie dere, we have made the world +safe fer the Democrats, so you can kill the cow's young son fer little +bright eyes as they did fer that young high roller mentioned in the +Bible. If veal is top high in the good ol' U.S.A., I'll be satisfied +with a table-dee-hoty dinner at the Cafe Des Enfants (meaning Child's +Restaurant), I'm not particular Julie, so long as every course is +served with your smilin face opposite. The more I see of the "Janes" +over here the better I like the Julies over there. I've saw 'em all +and not a one can hold a tallow candle up a dark alley to my own +Julie. In the language of the poet + + You can talk of English women + Who like there beef and beer; + Of Italy's black haired beauties + Who love there land so dere; + Of Spanish turtle doves + Who sing of wealth and love; + But give me the U.S. Girl + She wins my esteem + Fer everytime you kiss her + You get the flavor of--Boston Pork & Beans! + +[Illustration: Home again, across the ol' Atlantic.] + +Skinny has just arrove back in camp from the trenches and got the news +about the sining of the armistice. He was caked with mud from hed to +foot, which he said he didn't mind till our captin complimented him on +holdin all the ground they took yesterday. I guess Skinny thot he was +bein kidded. I made him pull off his clothes in jig time fer if he'd +ever get caught out in the rain like that he would have suffered a +landslide. + +Well derie, I don't suppose an other letter will reach you before +"Yours truly" so I can't say if I will rite again or not; enny-ways on +our way back across the ol' Atlantic we wont have to look out fer any +of William the Twicers tin fish, and when I get back to the land of +the free and the home of the brave, I'm gonna be afraid to get on a +ferry boat fer fear she might head across the ocean. And now Julie, +fare-thee-well until I hold you in my arms again, + +Yours until married men have alibyes there wives believe + +BARNEY. + +P.S. I've just learned our regiment is to leave for home at once, so +plug the push button on that guys bell in the hallway. + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Love Letters of a Rookie to Julie, by Barney Stone + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE TO JULIE *** + +***** This file should be named 15544-8.txt or 15544-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/5/4/15544/ + +Produced by Michelle Croyle, William Flis, and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |