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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:41:40 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:41:40 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/13234-0.txt b/13234-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7a7fb77 --- /dev/null +++ b/13234-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8107 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13234 *** + +[Transcriber's note: The spelling inconsistencies of the original have +been retained in this etext.] + + + + +[Illustration: SADIE HAD A GLIMMERING OF SOME STRANGE CHANGE AS SHE +EYED HER SISTER CURIOUSLY.--_Page 263_.] + + + + +ESTER RIED + +BY + +PANSY + +AUTHOR OF "JULIA RIED," "THE KING'S DAUGHTER," "WISE AND OTHERWISE," +"ESTER RIED YET SPEAKING," "ESTER RIED'S NAMESAKE," ETC. + +_ILLUSTRATED BY ELIZABETH WITHINGTON_ + + +BOSTON LOTHROP, LEE & SHEPARD CO. + +PANSY TRADE-MARK Registered in U.S. Patent Office. + +Norwood Press: Berwick & Smith Co., Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER I. ESTER'S HOME + +CHAPTER II. WHAT SADIE THOUGHT + +CHAPTER III. FLORENCE VANE + +CHAPTER IV. THE SUNDAY LESSON + +CHAPTER V. THE POOR LITTLE FISH + +CHAPTER VI. SOMETHING HAPPENS + +CHAPTER VII. JOURNEYING + +CHAPTER VIII. JOURNEY'S END + +CHAPTER IX. COUSIN ABBIE + +CHAPTER X. ESTER'S MINISTER + +CHAPTER XI. THE NEW BOARDER + +CHAPTER XII. THREE PEOPLE + +CHAPTER XIII. THE STRANGE CHRISTIAN + +CHAPTER XIV. THE LITTLE CARD + +CHAPTER XV. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? + +CHAPTER XVI. A VICTORY + +CHAPTER XVII. STEPPING BETWEEN + +CHAPTER XVIII. LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS + +CHAPTER XIX. SUNDRIES + +CHAPTER XX. AT HOME + +CHAPTER XXI. TESTED + +CHAPTER XXII. "LITTLE PLUM PIES" + +CHAPTER XXIII. CROSSES + +CHAPTER XXIV. GOD'S WAY + +CHAPTER XXV. SADIE SURROUNDED + +CHAPTER XXVI. CONFUSION--CROSS-BEARING--CONSEQUENCE + +CHAPTER XXVII. THE TIME TO SLEEP + +CHAPTER XXVIII. AT LAST + + + + +Ester Ried + +ASLEEP AND AWAKE + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +ESTER'S HOME. + + +She did not look very much as if she were asleep, nor acted as though +she expected to get a chance to be very soon. There was no end to the +things which she had to do, for the kitchen was long and wide, and +took many steps to set it in order, and it was drawing toward tea-time +of a Tuesday evening, and there were fifteen boarders who were, most +of them, punctual to a minute. + +Sadie, the next oldest sister, was still at the academy, as also +were Alfred and Julia, while little Minnie, the pet and darling, most +certainly was _not_. She was around in the way, putting little fingers +into every possible place where little fingers ought not to be. It +was well for her that, no matter how warm, and vexed, and out of order +Ester might be, she never reached the point in which her voice could +take other than a loving tone in speaking to Minnie; for Minnie, +besides being a precious little blessing in herself, was the child of +Ester's oldest sister, whose home was far away in a Western graveyard, +and the little girl had been with them since her early babyhood, three +years before. + +So Ester hurried to and from the pantry, with quick, nervous +movements, as the sun went toward the west, saying to Maggie who was +ironing with all possible speed: + +"Maggie, do _hurry_, and get ready to help me, or I shall never have +tea ready:" Saying it in a sharp fretful tone. Then: "No, no, Birdie, +don't touch!" in quite a different tone to Minnie, who laid loving +hands on a box of raisins. + +"I _am_ hurrying as fast as I _can_!" Maggie made answer. "But such an +ironing as I have every week can't be finished in a minute." + +"Well, well! Don't talk; that won't hurry matters any." + +Sadie Ried opened the door that led from the dining-room to the +kitchen, and peeped in a thoughtless young head, covered with bright +brown curls: + +"How are you, Ester?" + +And she emerged fully into the great warm kitchen, looking like a +bright flower picked from the garden, and put out of place. Her pink +gingham dress, and white, ruffled apron--yes, and the very school +books which she swung by their strap, waking a smothered sigh in +Ester's heart. + +"O, my patience!" was her greeting. + +"Are _you_ home? Then school is out". + +"I guess it _is_," said Sadie. "We've been down to the river since +school." + +"Sadie, won't you come and cut the beef and cake, and make the tea? I +did not know it was so late, and I'm nearly tired to death." + +Sadie looked sober. "I would in a minute, Ester, only I've brought +Florence Vane home with me, and I should not know what to do with her +in the meantime. Besides, Mr. Hammond said he would show me about my +algebra if I'd go out on the piazza this minute." + +"Well, _go_ then, and tell Mr. Hammond to wait for his tea until he +gets it!" Ester answered, crossly. + +"Here, Julia"--to the ten-year old newcomer--"Go away from that +raisin-box, this minute. Go up stairs out of my way, and Alfred too. +Sadie, take Minnie with you; I can't have her here another instant. +You can afford to do that much, perhaps." + +"O, Ester, you're cross!" said Sadie, in a good-humored tone, coming +forward after the little girl. + +"Come, Birdie, Auntie Essie's cross, isn't she? Come with Aunt Sadie. +We'll go to the piazza and make Mr. Hammond tell us a story." + +And Minnie--Ester's darling, who never received other than loving +words from her--went gleefully off, leaving another heartburn to the +weary girl. They _stung_ her, those words: "Auntie Essie's cross, +isn't she?" + +Back and forth, from dining-room to pantry, from pantry to +dining-room, went the quick feet At last she spoke: + +"Maggie, leave the ironing and help me; it is time tea was ready." + +"I'm just ironing Mr. Holland's shirt," objected Maggie. + +"Well, I don't care if Mr. Holland _never_ has another shirt ironed. +I want you to go to the spring for water and fill the table-pitchers, +and do a dozen other things." + +The tall clock in the dining-room struck five, and the dining-bell +pealed out its prompt summons through the house. The family gathered +promptly and noisily--school-girls, half a dozen or more, Mr. Hammond, +the principal of the academy, Miss Molten, the preceptress, Mrs. +Brookley, the music-teacher, Dr. Van Anden, the new physician, Mr. +and Mrs. Holland, and Mr. Arnett, Mr. Holland's clerk. There was a +moment's hush while Mr. Hammond asked a blessing on the food; then the +merry talk went on. For them all Maggie poured cups of tea, and +Ester passed bread and butter, and beef and cheese, and Sadie gave +overflowing dishes of blackberries, and chattered like a magpie, which +last she did everywhere and always. + +"This has been one of the scorching days," Mr. Holland said. "It was +as much as I could do to keep cool in the store, and we generally ARE +well off for a breeze there." + +"It has been more than _I_ could do to keep cool anywhere," Mrs. +Holland answered. "I gave it up long ago in despair." + +Ester's lip curled a little. Mrs. Holland had nothing in the world to +do, from morning until night, but to keep herself cool. She wondered +what the lady would have said to the glowing kitchen, where _she_ had +passed most of the day. + +"Miss Ester looks as though the heat had been too much for her +cheeks," Mrs. Brookley said, laughing. "What _have_ you been doing?" + +"Something besides keeping cool," Ester answered soberly. + +"Which is a difficult thing to do, however," Dr. Van Anden said, +speaking soberly too. + +"I don't know, sir; if I had nothing to do but that, I think I could +manage it." + +"I have found trouble sometimes in keeping myself at the right +temperature even in January." + +Ester's cheeks glowed yet more. She understood Dr. Van Anden, and she +knew her face did not look very self-controlled. No one knows what +prompted Minnie to speak just then. + +"Aunt Sadie said Auntie Essie was cross. Were you, Auntie Essie?" + +The household laughed, and Sadie came to the rescue. + +"Why, Minnie! you must not tell what Aunt Sadie says. It is just as +sure to be nonsense as it is that you are a chatter-box." + +Ester thought that they would _never_ all finish their supper and +depart; but the latest comer strolled away at last, and she hurried to +toast a slice of bread, make a fresh cup of tea, and send Julia after +Mrs. Ried. + +Sadie hovered around the pale, sad-faced woman while she ate. + +"Are you _truly_ better, mother? I've been worried half to pieces +about you all day." + +"O, yes; I'm better. Ester, you look dreadfully tired. Have you much +more to do?" + +"Only to trim the lamps, and make three beds that I had not time for +this morning, and get things ready for breakfast, and finish Sadie's +dress." + +"Can't Maggie do any of these things?" + +"Maggie is ironing." + +Mrs. Ried sighed. "It is a good thing that I don't have the sick +headache very often," she said sadly; "or you would soon wear yourself +out. Sadie, are you going to the lyceum tonight?" + +"Yes, ma'am. Your worthy daughter has the honor of being editress, you +know, to-night. Ester, can't you go down? Never mind that dress; let +it go to Guinea." + +"You wouldn't think so by to-morrow evening," Ester said, shortly. +"No, I can't go." + +The work was all done at last, and Ester betook herself to her room. +How tired she was! Every nerve seemed to quiver with weariness. + +It was a pleasant little room, this one which she entered, with its +low windows looking out toward the river, and its cosy furniture all +neatly arranged by Sadie's tasteful fingers. + +Ester seated herself by the open window, and looked down on the group +who lingered on the piazza below--looked _down_ on them with her eyes +and with her heart; yet envied while she looked, envied their free +and easy life, without a care to harass them, so _she_ thought; envied +Sadie her daily attendance at the academy, a matter which she _so_ +early in life had been obliged to have done with; envied Mrs. Holland +the very ribbons and laces which fluttered in the evening air. It had +grown cooler now, a strong breeze blew up from the river and freshened +the air; and, as they sat below there enjoying it, the sound of their +gay voices came up to her. + +"What do they know about heat, or care, or trouble?" she said +scornfully, thinking over all the weight of _her_ eighteen years of +life; she hated it, this life of hers, _just_ hated it--the sweeping, +dusting, making beds, trimming lamps, _working_ from morning till +night; no time for reading, or study, or pleasure. Sadie had said she +was cross, and Sadie had told the truth; she _was_ cross most of the +time, fretted with her every-day petty cares and fatigues. + +"O!" she said, over and over, "if something would _only_ happen; if I +could have one day, just _one_ day, different from the others; but +no, it's the same old thing--sweep and dust, and clear up, and eat and +sleep. I _hate_ it all." + +Yet, had Ester nothing for which to be thankful that the group on the +piazza had not? + +If she had but thought, she had a robe, and a crown, and a harp, and +a place waiting for her, up before the throne of God; and all they had +_not_. + +Ester did not think of this; so much asleep was she, that she did not +even know that none of those gay hearts down there below her had been +given up to Christ. Not one of them; for the academy teachers and Dr. +Van Anden were not among them. O, Ester was asleep! She went to church +on the Sabbath, and to preparatory lecture on a week day; she read a +few verses in her Bible, _frequently_, not every day; she knelt at her +bedside every night, and said a few words of prayer--and this was all! + +She lay at night side by side with a young sister, who had no claim +to a home in heaven, and never spoke to her of Jesus. She worked +daily side by side with a mother who, through many trials and +discouragements, was living a Christian life, and never talked with +her of their future rest. She met daily, sometimes almost hourly, a +large household, and never so much as thought of asking them if they, +too, were going, some day, home to God. She helped her young brother +and sister with their geography lessons, and never mentioned to them +the heavenly country whither they themselves might journey. She took +the darling of the family often in her arms, and told her stories of +"Bo Peep," and the "Babes in the Wood," and "Robin Redbreast," and +never one of Jesus and his call for the tender lambs! + +This was Ester, and this was Ester's home. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +WHAT SADIE THOUGHT. + + +Sadie Ried was the merriest, most thoughtless young creature of +sixteen years that ever brightened and bothered a home. Merry from +morning until night, with scarcely ever a pause in her constant flow +of fun; thoughtless, nearly always selfish too, as the constantly +thoughtless always are. Not sullenly and crossly selfish by any means, +only so used to think of self, so taught to consider herself utterly +useless as regarded home, and home cares and duties, that she opened +her bright brown eyes in wonder whenever she was called upon for help. + +It was a very bright and very busy Saturday morning. + +"Sadie!" Mrs. Ried called, "can't you come and wash up these baking +dishes? Maggie is mopping, and Ester has her hands full with the +cake." + +"Yes, ma'am," said Sadie, appearing promptly from the dining-room, +with Minnie perched triumphantly on her shoulder. "Here I am, at your +service. Where are they?" + +Ester glanced up. "I'd go and put on my white dress first, if I were +you," she said significantly. + +And Sadie looked down on her pink gingham, ruffled apron, shining +cuffs, and laughed. + +"O, I'll take off my cuffs, and put on this distressingly big apron of +yours, which hangs behind the door; then I'll do." + +"That's my clean apron; I don't wash dishes in it." + +"O, bless your careful heart! I won't hurt it the least speck in the +world. Will I, Birdie?" + +And she proceeded to wrap her tiny self in the long, wide apron. + +"Not _that_ pan, child!" exclaimed her mother "That's a milk-pan." + +"O," said Sadie, "I thought it was pretty shiny. My! what a great pan. +Don't you come near me, Birdie, or you'll tumble in and drown yourself +before I could fish you out with the dish-cloth. Where is that +article? Ester, it needs a patch on it; there's a great hole in the +middle, and it twists every way." + +"Patch it, then," said Ester, dryly. + +"Well, now I'm ready, here goes. Do you want _these_ washed?" And she +seized upon a stack of tins which stood on Ester's table. + +"_Do_ let things alone!" said Ester. "Those are my baking-tins, ready +for use; now you've got them wet, and I shall have to go all over them +again." + +"How will you go, Ester? On foot? They look pretty greasy; you'll +slip." + +"I wish you would go up stairs. I'd rather wash dishes all the +forenoon than have you in the way." + +"Birdie," said Sadie gravely, "you and I musn't go near Auntie Essie +again. She's a 'bowwow,' and I'm afraid she'll bite." + +Mrs. Ried laughed. She had no idea how sharply Ester had been tried +with petty vexations all that morning, nor how bitter those words +sounded to her. + +"Come, Sadie," she said; "what a silly child you are. Can't you do +_any thing_ soberly?" + +"I should think I might, ma'am, when I have such a sober and solemn +employment on hand as dish-washing. Does it require a great deal +of gravity, mother? Here, Robin Redbreast, keep your beak out of my +dish-pan." + +Minnie, in the mean time, had been seated on the table, directly in +front of the dish-pan. + +Mrs. Ried looked around. "O Sadie! what _possessed_ you to put her up +there?" + +"To keep her out of mischief, mother. She's Jack Horner's little +sister, and would have had every plum in your pie down her throat, +by this time, if she could have got to them. See here, pussy, if you +don't keep your feet still, I'll tie them fast to the pan with this +long towel, when you'll have to go around all the days of your life +with a dish-pan clattering after you." + +But Minnie was bent on a frolic. This time the tiny feet kicked a +little too hard; and the pan being drawn too near the edge, in order +to be out of her reach, lost its balance--over it went. + +"O, my patience!" screamed Sadie, as the water splashed over her, even +down to the white stockings and daintily slippered feet. + +Minnie lifted up her voice, and added to the general uproar. Ester +left the eggs she was beating, and picked up broken dishes. Mrs. +Ried's voice arose above the din: + +"Sadie, take Minnie and go up stairs. You're too full of play to be in +the kitchen." + +"Mother, I'm _real_ sorry," said Sadie, shaking herself out of the +great wet apron, laughing even then at the plight she was in. + +"Pet, don't cry. We didn't drown after all." + +"_Well_! Miss Sadie," Mr. Hammond said, as he met them in the hall. +"What have you been up to now?" + +"Why, Mr. Hammond, there's been another deluge; this time of +dish-water, and Birdie and I are escaping for our lives." + +"If there is one class of people in this world more disagreeable than +all the rest, it is people who call themselves Christians." + +This remark Mr. Harry Arnett made that same Saturday evening, as he +stood on the piazza waiting for Mrs. Holland's letters. And he made it +to Sadie Ried. + +"Why, Harry!" she answered, in a shocked tone. + +"It's a _fact_, Sadie. You just think a bit, and you'll see it is. +They're no better nor pleasanter than other people, and all the while +they think they're about right." + +"What has put you into that state of mind, Harry?" + +"O, some things which happened at the store to-day suggested this +matter to me. Never mind that part. Isn't it so?" + +"There's my mother," Sadie said thoughtfully. "She is good." + +"Not because she's a Christian though; it's because she's your mother. +You'd have to look till you were gray to find a better mother than +I've got, and she isn't a Christian either." + +"Well, I'm sure Mr. Hammond is a good man." + +"Not a whit better or pleasanter than Mr. Holland, as far as I can +see. _I_ don't like him half so well. And Holland don't pretend to be +any better than the rest of us." + +"Well," said Sadie, gleefully, "_I_ dont know many good people. +Miss Molton is a Christian, but I guess she is no better than Mrs. +Brookley, and _she_ isn't. There's Ester; she's a member of the +church." + +"And do you see as she gets on any better with her religion, than you +do without it? For _my_ part, I think you are considerably pleasanter +to deal with." + +Sadie laughed. "We're no more alike than a bee and a butterfly, or any +other useless little thing," she said, brightly. "But you're very much +mistaken if you think I'm the best. Mother would lie down in despair +and die, and this house would come to naught at once, if it were not +for Ester." + +Mr. Arnett shrugged his shoulders. "I _always_ liked butterflies +better than bees," he said. "Bees _sting_." + +"Harry," said Sadie, speaking more gravely, "I'm afraid you're almost +an infidel." + +"If I'm not, I can tell you one thing--it's not the fault of +Christians." + +Mrs. Holland tossed her letters down to him from the piazza above, and +Mr. Arnett went away. + +Florence Vane came over from the cottage across the way--came with +slow, feeble steps, and sat down in the door beside her friend. +Presently Ester came out to them: + +"Sadie, can't you go to the office for me? I forgot to send this +letter with the rest." + +"Yes," said Sadie. "That is if you think you can go that little bit, +Florence." + +"I shall think for her," Dr. Van Anden said, coming down the stairs. +"Florence out here to-night, with the dew falling, and not even any +thing to protect your head. I am surprised!" + +"Oh, Doctor, do let me enjoy this soft air for a few minutes." + +"_Positively_, no. Either come in the house, or go home _directly_. +You are very imprudent. Miss Ester, _I'll_ mail your letters for you." + +"What does Dr. Van Anden want to act like a simpleton about Florence +Vane for?" Ester asked this question late in the evening, when the +sisters were alone in their room. + +Sadie paused in her merry chatter. "Why, Ester, what do you mean? +About her being out to-night? Why, you know, she ought to be very +careful; and I'm afraid she isn't. The doctor told her father this +morning he was afraid she would not live through the season, unless +she was more careful." + +"Fudge!" said Ester. "He thinks he is a wise man; he wants to make her +out very sick, so that he may have the honor of helping her. I don't +see as she looks any worse than she did a year ago." + +Sadie turned slowly around toward her sister. "Ester, I don't know +what is the matter with you to-night. You know that Florence Vane has +the consumption, and you know that she is my _dear_ friend." + +Ester did not know what was the matter with herself, save that this +had been the hardest day, from first to last, that she had ever known, +and she was rasped until there was no good feeling left in her heart +to touch. Little Minnie had given her the last hardening touch of the +day, by exclaiming, as she was being hugged and kissed with eager, +passionate kisses: + +"Oh, Auntie Essie! You've cried tears on my white apron, and put out +all the starch." + +Ester set her down hastily, and went away. + +Certainly Ester was cross and miserable. Dr. Van Anden was one of her +thorns. He crossed her path quite often, either with close, searching +words about self-control, or grave silence. She disliked him. + +Sadie, as from her pillow she watched her sister in the moonlight +kneel down hastily, and knew that she was repeating a few words of +prayer, thought of Mr. Arnett's words spoken that evening, and, with +her heart throbbing still under the sharp tones concerning Florence, +sighed a little, and said within herself: + +"I should not wonder if Harry were right." And Ester was so much +asleep, that she did not know, at least did not realize, that she had +dishonored her Master all that day. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +FLORENCE VANE. + + +Of the same opinion concerning Florence was Ester, a few weeks later, +when, one evening as she was hurrying past him, Dr. Van Anden detained +her: + +"I want to see you a moment, Miss Ester." + +During these weeks Ester had been roused. Sadie was sick; had been +sick enough to awaken many anxious fears; sick enough for Ester to +discover what a desolate house theirs would have been, supposing her +merry music had been hushed forever. She discovered, too, how very +much she loved her bright young sister. + +She had been very kind and attentive; but the fever was gone now, and +Sadie was well enough to rove around the house again; and Ester +began to think that it couldn't be so very hard to have loving hands +ministering to one's simplest want, to be cared for, and watched over, +and petted every hour in the day. She was returning to her impatient, +irritable life. She forgot how high the fever had been at night, and +how the young head had ached; and only remembered how thoroughly tired +she was, watching and ministering day and night. So, when she followed +Dr. Van Anden to the sitting-room, in answer to his "I want to see +you, Miss Ester," it was a very sober, not altogether pleasant face +which listened to his words. + +"Florence Vane is very sick to-night. Some one should be with her +besides the housekeeper. I thought of you. Will you watch with her?" + +If any reasonable excuse could have been found, Ester would surely +have said "No," so foolish did this seem to her. Why, only yesterday +she had seen Florence sitting beside the open window, looking very +well; but then, she was Sadie's friend, and it had been more than two +weeks since Sadie had needed watching with at night. So Ester could +not plead fatigue. + +"I suppose so," she answered, slowly, to the waiting doctor, hearing +which, he wheeled and left her, turning back, though, to say: + +"Do not mention this to Sadie in her present state of body. I don't +care to have her excited." + +"Very careful you are of everybody," muttered Ester, as he hastened +away. "Tell her what, I wonder? That you are making much ado about +nothing, for the sake of showing your astonishing skill?" + +In precisely this state of mind she went, a few hours later, over to +the cottage, into the quiet room where Florence lay asleep--and, for +aught she could see, sleeping as quietly as young, fresh life ever +did. + +"What do you think of her?" whispered the old lady who acted as +housekeeper, nurse and mother to the orphaned Florence. + +"I think I haven't seen her look better this great while," Ester +answered, abruptly. + +"Well, I can't say as she looks any worse to _me_ either; but Dr. Van +Anden is in a fidget, and I suppose he knows what he's about." + +The doctor came in at eleven o'clock, stood for a moment by the +bedside, glanced at the old lady, who was dozing in her rocking-chair, +then came over to Ester and spoke low: + +"I can't trust the nurse. She has been broken of her rest, and is +weary. I want _you_ to keep awake. If she" (nodding toward Florence) +"stirs, give her a spoonful from that tumbler on the stand. I shall be +back at twelve. If she wakens, you may call her father, and send +John for me; he's in the kitchen. I shall be around the corner at +Vinton's." + +Then he went away, softly, as he had come. + +The lamp burned low over by the window, the nurse slept on in her +arm-chair, and Ester sat with wide-open eyes fixed on Florence. And +all this time she thought that the doctor was engaged in getting up +a scene, the story of which should go forth next day in honor of his +skill and faithfulness; yet, having come to watch, she would not sleep +at her post, even though she believed in her heart that, were she +sleeping by Sadie's side, and the doctor quiet in his own room, all +would go on well until the morning. + +But the doctor's evident anxiety had driven sleep from the eyes of the +gray-haired old man whose one darling lay quiet on the bed. He came in +very soon after the doctor had departed. + +"I can't sleep," he said, in explanation, to Ester. "Some way I feel +worried. Does she seem worse to you?" + +"Not a bit," Ester said, promptly. "I think she looks better than +usual." + +"Yes," Mr. Vane answered, in an encouraged tone; "and she has been +quite bright all day; but the doctor is all down about her. He won't +say a single cheering word." + +Ester's indignation grew upon her. "He might, at least, have let this +old man sleep in peace," she said, sharply, in her heart. + +At twelve, precisely, the doctor returned. He went directly to the +bedside. + +"How has she been?" he asked of Ester, in passing. + +"Just as she is now." Ester's voice was not only dry, but sarcastic. + +Mr. Vane scanned the doctor's face eagerly, but it was grave and sad. +Quiet reigned in the room. The two men at Florence's side neither +spoke nor stirred. Ester kept her seat across from them, and grew +every moment more sure that she was right, and more provoked. Suddenly +the silence was broken. Dr. Van Anden bent low over the sleeper, and +spoke in a gentle, anxious tone: "Florence." But she neither stirred +nor heeded. He spoke again: "Florence;" and the blue eyes unclosed +slowly and wearily. The doctor drew back quickly, and motioned her +father forward. + +"Speak to her, Mr. Vane." + +"Florence, my darling," the old man said, with inexpressible love and +tenderness sounding in his voice. His fair young daughter turned her +eyes on him; but the words she spoke were not of him, or of aught +around her. So clear and sweet they sounded, that Ester, sitting quite +across the room from her, heard them distinctly. + +"I saw mother, and I saw my Savior." + +Dr. Van Anden sank upon his knees, as the drooping lids closed again, +and his voice was low and tremulous: + +"Father, into thy hands we commit this spirit. Thy will be done." + +In a moment more all was bustle and confusion. The nurse was +thoroughly awakened; the doctor cared for the poor childless father +with the tenderness of a son; then came back to send John for help, +and to give directions concerning what was to be done. + +Through it all Ester sat motionless, petrified with solemn +astonishment. Then the angel of death had _really_ been there in that +very room, and she had been "so wise in her own conceit," that she did +not know it until he had departed with the freed spirit! + +Florence really _was_ sick, then--dangerously sick. The doctor had not +deceived them, had not magnified the trouble as she supposed; but it +could not be that she was dead! Dead! Why, only a few minutes ago she +was sleeping so quietly! Well, she was very quiet now. Could the heart +have ceased its beating? + +Sadie's Florence dead! Poor Sadie! What would they say to her? How +_could_ they tell her? + +Sitting there, Ester had some of the most solemn, self-reproachful +thoughts that she had ever known. God's angel had been present in that +room, and in what a spirit had he found this watcher? + +Dr. Van Anden went quietly, promptly, from room to room, until every +thing in the suddenly stricken household was as it should be; then he +came to Ester: + +"I will go over home with you now," he said, speaking low and kindly. +He seemed to under stand just how shocked she felt. + +They went, in the night and darkness, across the street, saying +nothing. As the doctor applied his key to the door, Ester spoke in +low, distressed tones: + +"Doctor Van Anden, I did not think--I did not dream--." Then she +stopped. + +"I know," he said, kindly. "It was unexpected. _I_ thought she would +linger until morning, perhaps through the day. Indeed, I was so sure, +that I ventured to keep my worst fears from Mr. Vane. I wanted him to +rest to-night. I am sorry--it would have been better to have prepared +him; but 'At even, or at midnight, or at the cock-crowing, or in the +morning'--you see we know not which. I thank God that to Florence it +did not matter." + +Those days which followed were days of great opportunity to Ester, if +she had but known how to use them. Sadie's sad, softened heart, +into which grief had entered, might have been turned by a few kind, +skillful words, from thoughts of Florence to Florence's Savior. Ester +_did_ try; she was kinder, more gentle with the young sister than +was her wont to be; and once, when Sadie was lingering fondly over +memories of her friend, she said, in an awkward, blundering way, +something about Florence having been prepared to die, and hoping that +Sadie would follow her example. Sadie looked surprised, but answered, +gravely: + +"I never expect to be like Florence. She was perfect, or, at least, +I'm sure I could never see any thing about her that wasn't perfection. +You know, Ester, she never did any thing wrong." + +And Ester, unused to it, and confused with her own attempt, kept +silence, and let poor Sadie rest upon the thought that it was +Florence's goodness which made her ready to die, instead of the blood +of Jesus. + +So the time passed; the grass grew green over Florence's grave, and +Sadie missed her indeed. Yet the serious thoughts grew daily fainter, +and Ester's golden opportunity for leading her to Christ was lost. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE SUNDAY LESSON. + + +Alfred and Julia Ried were in the sitting-room, studying their +Sabbath-school lessons. Those two were generally to be found together; +being twins, they had commenced _life_ together, and had thus far gone +side by side. It was a quiet October Sabbath afternoon. The twins +had a great deal of business on hand during the week, and the +Sabbath-school lesson used to stand a fair chance of being forgotten; +so Mrs. Ried had made a law that half an hour of every Sabbath +afternoon should be spent in studying the lesson for the coming +Sabbath. Ester sat in the same room, by the window; she had been +reading, but her book had fallen idly in her lap, and she seemed lost +in thought Sadie, too, was there, carrying on a whispered conversation +with Minnie, who was snugged close in her arms, and merry bursts of +laughter came every few minutes from the little girl. The idea of +Sadie keeping quiet herself, or of keeping any body else quiet, was +simply absurd. + +"But I say unto you that ye resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite +thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also," read Julia, +slowly and thoughtfully. "Alfred, what do you suppose that can mean?" + +"Don't know, I'm sure," Alfred said. "The next one is just as queer: +'And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let +him have thy cloak also.' I'd like to see _me_ doing that. I'd fight +for it, I reckon." + +"Oh, Alfred! you wouldn't, if the Bible said you mustn't, would you?" + +"I don't suppose this means us at all," said Alfred, using, +unconsciously, the well-known argument of all who have tried to slip +away from gospel teaching since Adam's time. + +"I suppose it's talking to those wicked old fellows who lived before +the flood, or some such time." + +"Well, _any_how," said Julia, "I should like to know what it all +means. I wish mother would come home. I wonder how Mrs. Vincent is. Do +you suppose she will die, Alfred?" + +"Don't know--just hear this, Julia! 'But I say unto you, Love your +enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and +pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.' Wouldn't +you like to see anybody who did all that?" + +"Sadie," said Julia, rising suddenly, and moving over to where the +frolic was going on, "won't you tell us about our lesson? We don't +understand a bit about it; and I can't learn any thing that I don't +understand." + +"Bless your heart, child! I suspect you know more about the Bible this +minute than I do. Mother was too busy taking care of you two, when I +was a little chicken, to teach me as she has you." + +"Well, but what _can_ that mean--'If a man strikes you on one cheek, +let him strike the other too?'" + +"Yes," said Alfred, chiming in, "and, 'If anybody takes your coat +away, give him your cloak too.'" + +"I suppose it means just that," said Sadie. "If anybody steals your +mittens, as that Bush girl did yours last winter, Julia, you are to +take your hood right off, and give it to her." + +"Oh, Sadie! you _don't_ ever mean that." + +"And then," continued Sadie, gravely, "if that shouldn't satisfy her, +you had better take off your shoes and stockings, and give her them." + +"Sadie," said Ester, "how _can_ you teach those children such +nonsense?" + +"She isn't teaching _me_ any thing," interrupted Alfred. "I guess I +ain't such a dunce as to swallow all that stuff." + +"Well," said Sadie, meekly, "I'm sure I'm doing the best I can; +and you are all finding fault. I've explained to the best of _my_ +abilities Julia, I'll tell you the truth;" and for a moment her +laughing face grew sober. "I don't know the least thing about +it--don't pretend to. Why don't you ask Ester? She can tell you more +about the Bible in a minute, I presume, than I could in a year." + +Ester laid her book on the window. "Julia, bring your Bible here," she +said, gravely. "Now what is the matter? I never heard you make such a +commotion over your lesson." + +"Mother always explains it," said Alfred, "and she hasn't got back +from Mrs. Vincent's; and I don't believe anyone else in this house +_can_ do it." + +"Alfred," said Ester, "don't be impertinent. Julia, what is that you +want to know?" + +"About the man being struck on one cheek, how he must let them strike +the other too. What does it mean?" + +"It means just _that_, when girls are cross and ugly to you, you must +be good and kind to them; and, when a boy knocks down another, he must +forgive him, instead of getting angry and knocking back." + +"Ho!" said Alfred, contemptuously, "_I_ never saw the boy yet who +would do it." + +"That only proves that boys are naughty, quarrelsome fellows, who +don't obey what the Bible teaches." + +"But, Ester," interrupted Julia, anxiously, "was that true what Sadie +said about me giving my shoes and stockings and my hood to folks who +stole something from me?" + +"Of course not. Sadie shouldn't talk such nonsense to you. That is +about men going to law. Mother will explain it when she goes over the +lesson with you." + +Julia was only half satisfied. "What does that verse mean about doing +good to them that--" + +"Here, I'll read it," said Alfred--"'But I say unto you, Love your +enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and +pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.'" + +"Why, that is plain enough. It means just what it says. When people +are ugly to you, and act as though they hated you, you must be very +good and kind to them, and pray for them, and love them." + +"Ester, does God really mean for us to love people who are ugly to us, +and to be good to them?" + +"Of course." + +"Well, then, why don't we, if God says so? Ester, why don't you?" + +"That's the point!" exclaimed Sadie, in her most roguish tone. "I'm +glad you've made the application, Julia." + +Now Ester's heart had been softening under the influence of these +peaceful Bible words. She believed them; and in her heart was a real, +earnest desire to teach her brother and sister Bible truths. Left +alone, she would have explained that those who loved Jesus _were_ +struggling, in a weak feeble way, to obey these directions; that she +herself was trying, trying _hard_ sometimes; that _they_ ought to. But +there was this against Ester--her whole life was so at variance with +those plain, searching Bible rules, that the youngest child could not +but see it; and Sadie's mischievous tones and evident relish of +her embarrassment at Julia's question, destroyed the self-searching +thoughts. She answered, with severe dignity: + +"Sadie, if I were you, I wouldn't try to make the children as +irreverent as I was myself." Then she went dignifiedly from the room. + +Dr. Van Anden paused for a moment before Sadie, as she sat alone in +the sitting-room that same Sabbath-evening. + +"Sadie," said he, "is there one verse in the Bible which you have +never read?" + +"Plenty of them, Doctor. I commenced reading the Bible through once; +but I stopped at some chapter in Numbers--the thirtieth, I think it +is, isn't it? or somewhere along there where all those hard names are, +you know. But why do you ask?" + +The doctor opened a large Bible which lay on the stand before them, +and read aloud: "Ye have perverted the words of the living God." + +Sadie looked puzzled. "Now, Doctor, what ever possessed you to think +that I had never read that verse?" + +"God counts that a solemn thing, Sadie." + +"Very likely; what then?" + +"I was reading on the piazza when the children came to you for an +explanation of their lesson." + +Sadie laughed. "Did you hear that conversation, Doctor? I hope you +were benefited." Then, more gravely: "Dr. Van Anden, do you really +mean me to think that I was perverting Scripture?" + +"_I_ certainly think so, Sadie. Were you not giving the children wrong +ideas concerning the teachings of our Savior?" + +Sadie was quite sober now. "I told the truth at last, Doctor. I +don't know any thing about these matters. People who profess to be +Christians do not live according to our Savior's teaching. At least +_I_ don't see any who do; and it sometimes seems to me that those +verses which the children were studying, _can not_ mean what they say, +or Christian people would surely _try_ to follow them." + +For an answer, Dr. Van Anden turned the Bible leaves again, and +pointed with his finger to this verse, which Sadie read: + +"But as he which has called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner +of conversation." + +After that he went out of the room. + +And Sadie, reading the verse over again, could not but understand that +she _might_ have a perfect pattern, if she would. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +THE POOR LITTLE FISH. + + +"Mother," said Sadie, appearing in the dining-room one morning, +holding Julia by the hand, "did you ever hear of the fish who fell out +of the frying-pan into the fire?" Which question her mother answered +by asking, without turning her eyes from the great batch of bread +which she was molding: "What mischief are you up to now, Sadie?" +"Why, nothing," said Sadie; "only here is the very fish so renowned in +ancient history, and I've brought her for your inspection." + +This answer brought Mrs. Ried's eyes around from the dough, and fixed +them upon Julia; and she said, as soon as she caught a glimpse of the +forlorn little maiden: "O, my _patience_!" + +A specimen requiring great patience from any one coming in contact +with her, was this same Julia. The pretty blue dress and white apron +were covered with great patches of mud; morocco boots and neat white +stockings were in the same direful plight; and down her face the salt +and muddy tears were running, for her handkerchief was also streaked +with mud. + +"I should _think_ so!" laughed Sadie, in answer to her mother's +exclamation. "The history of the poor little fish, in brief, is this: +She started, immaculate in white apron, white stockings, and the like, +for the post-office, with Ester's letter. She met with temptation in +the shape of a little girl with paper dolls; and, while admiring them, +the letter had the meanness to slip out of her hand into the mud! +That, you understand, was the frying-pan. Much horrified with this +state of things, the two wise young heads were put together, and the +brilliant idea conceived of giving the muddy letter a thorough washing +in the creek! So to the creek they went; and, while they stood ankle +deep in the mud, vigorously carrying their idea into effect, the +vicious little thing hopped out of Julia's hand, and sailed merrily +away, down stream! So there she was, 'Out of the frying-pan into the +fire,' sure enough! And the letter has sailed for Uncle Ralph's by a +different route than that which is usually taken." + +Sadie's nonsense was interrupted at this point by Ester, who had +listened with darkening face to the rapidly told story: + +"She ought to be thoroughly _whipped_, the careless little goose! +Mother, if you don't punish her now, I never would again." + +Then Julia's tearful sorrow blazed into sudden anger: "I _oughtn't_ to +be whipped; you're an ugly, mean sister to say so. I tumbled down and +hurt my arm _dreadfully_, trying to catch your old _hateful_ letter; +and you're just as mean as you can be!" + +Between tears, and loud tones, and Sadie's laughter, Julia had managed +to burst forth these angry sentences before her mother's voice reached +her; when it did, she was silenced. + +"Julia, I am _astonished_! Is that the way to speak to your sister? +Go up to my room directly; and, when you have put on dry clothes, sit +down there, and stay until you are ready to tell Ester that you are +sorry, and ask her to forgive you." + +"_Really_, mother," Sadie said, as the little girl went stamping up +the stairs, her face buried in her muddy handkerchief, "I'm not sure +but you have made a mistake, and Ester is the one to be sent to her +room until she can behave better. I don't pretend to be _good_ myself; +but I must say it seems ridiculous to speak in the way she did to a +sorry, frightened child. I never saw a more woeful figure in my life;" +and Sadie laughed again at the recollection. + +"Yes," said Ester, "you uphold her in all sorts of mischief and +insolence; that is the reason she is so troublesome to manage." + +Mrs. Ried looked distressed. "Don't, Ester," she said; "don't speak +in that loud, sharp tone. Sadie, you should not encourage Julia in +speaking improperly to her sister. I think myself that Ester was hard +with her. The poor child did not mean any harm; but she must not be +rude to anybody." + +"Oh, yes," Ester said, speaking bitterly, "of course _I_ am the one to +blame; I always _am_. No one in this house ever does any thing wrong +except _me_." + +Mrs. Ried sighed heavily, and Sadie turned away and ran up stairs, +humming: + + "Oh, would I were a buttercup, + A blossom in the meadow." + +And Julia, in her mother's room, exchanged her wet and muddy garments +for clean ones, and _cried_; washed her face in the clear, pure water +until it was fresh and clean, and cried again, louder and harder; her +heart was all bruised and bleeding. She had not meant to be careless. +She had been carefully dressed that morning to spend the long, bright +Saturday with Vesta Griswold. She had intended to go swiftly and +safely to the post-office with the small white treasure intrusted to +her care; but those paper dolls were _so_ pretty, and of course there +was no harm in walking along with Addie, and looking at them. How +could she know that the hateful letter was going to tumble out of her +apron pocket? Right there, too, the only place along the road where +there was the least bit of mud to be seen! Then she had honestly +supposed that a little clean water from the creek, applied with her +smooth white handkerchief, would take the stains right out of the +envelope, and the sun would dry it, and it would go safely to Uncle +Ralph's after all; but, instead of that, the hateful, _hateful_ thing +slipped right out of her hand, and went floating down the stream; and +at this point Julia's sobs burst forth afresh. Presently she took up +her broken thread of thought, and went on: How very, _very_ ugly Ester +was; if _she_ hadn't been there, her mother would have listened kindly +to her story of how very sorry she was, and how she meant to do just +right. Then she would have forgiven her, and she would have been +freshly dressed in her clean blue dress instead of her pink one, and +would have had her happy day after all; and now she would have to +spend this bright day all alone; and, at this point, her tears rolled +down in torrents. + +"Jule," called a familiar voice, under her window, "where are you? +Come down and mend my sail for me, won't you?" + +Julia went to the window and poured into Alfred's sympathetic ears the +story of her grief and her wrongs. + +"Just exactly like her," was his comment on Ester's share in the +tragedy. "She grows crosser every day. I guess, if I were you, I'd let +her wait a spell before I asked her forgiveness." + +"I guess I shall," sputtered Julia. "She was meaner than any thing, +and I'd tell her so this minute, if I saw her; that's all the sorry I +am." + +So the talk went on; and when Alfred was called to get Ester a pail +of water, and left Julia in solitude, she found her heart very much +strengthened in its purpose to tire everybody out in waiting for her +apology. + +The long, warm, busy day moved on; and the overworked and wearied +mother found time to toil up two flights of stairs in search of her +young daughter, in the hope of soothing and helping her; but Julia was +in no mood to be helped. She hated to stay up there alone; she wanted +to go down in the garden with Alfred; she wanted to go to the arbor +and read her new book; she wanted to take a walk down by the river; +she wanted her dinner exceedingly; but to ask Ester's forgiveness +was the one thing that she did _not_ want to do. No, not if she staid +there alone for a week; not if she _starved_, she said aloud, stamping +her foot and growing indignant over the thought. Alfred came as often +as his Saturday occupations would admit, and held emphatic talks with +the little prisoner above, admiring her "pluck," and assuring her that +he "wouldn't give in, not he." + +"You see I _can't_ do it," said Julia, with a gleam of satisfaction +in her eyes, "because it wouldn't be true. I'm _not_ sorry; and mother +wouldn't have me tell a lie for anybody." + +So the sun went toward the west, and Julia at the window watched the +academy girls moving homeward from their afternoon ramble, listened to +the preparations for tea which were being made among the dishes in the +dining-room, and, having no more tears to shed, sighed wearily, and +wished the miserable day were quite done and she was sound asleep. +Only a few moments before she had received a third visit from her +mother; and, turning to her, fresh from a talk with Alfred, she had +answered her mother's question as to whether she were not now ready +to ask Ester's forgiveness, with quite as sober and determined a "No, +ma'am," as she had given that day; and her mother had gravely and +sadly answered, "I am very sorry, Julia I can't come up here again; I +am too tired for that. You may come to me, if you wish to see me any +time before seven o'clock. After that you must go to your room." + +And with this Julia had let her depart, only saying, as the door +closed: "Then I can be asleep before Ester comes up. I'm glad of that. +I wouldn't look at her again to-day for anything." And then Julia was +once more summoned to the window. + +"Jule," Alfred said, with less decision in his voice than there had +been before, "mother looked awful tired when she came down stairs just +now, and there was a tear rolling down her cheek." + +"There was?" said Julia, in a shocked and troubled tone. + +"And I guess," Alfred continued, "she's had a time of it to-day. Ester +is too cross even to look at; and they've been working pell-mell all +day; and Minnie tumbled over the ice-box and got hurt, and mother held +her most an hour; and I guess she feels real bad about this. She told +Sadie she felt sorry for you." + +Silence for a little while at the window above, and from the boy +below: then he broke forth suddenly: "I say, Jule, hadn't you better +do it after all--not for Ester, but there's mother, you know." + +"But, Alfred," interrupted the truthful and puzzled Julia, "what can I +do about it? You know I'm to tell Ester that I'm sorry; and that will +not be true." + +This question also troubled Alfred. It did not seem to occur to these +two foolish young heads that she _ought_ to be sorry for her own angry +words, no matter how much in the wrong another had been. So they stood +with grave faces, and thought about it. Alfred found a way out of the +mist at last. + +"See here, aren't you sorry that you couldn't go to Vesta's, and had +to stay up there alone all day, and that it bothered mother?" + +"Of course," said Julia, "I'm real sorry about mother. Alfred, did I, +honestly, make her cry?" + +"Yes, you did," Alfred answered, earnestly. "I saw that tear as plain +as day. Now you see you can tell Ester you're sorry, just as well as +not; because, if you hadn't said any thing to her, mother could have +made it all right; so of course you're sorry." + +"Well," said Julia, slowly, rather bewildered still, "that sounds as +if it was right; and yet, somehow----. Well, Alfred, you wait for me, +and I'll be down right away." + +So it happened that a very penitent little face stood at her mother's +elbow a few moments after this; and Julia's voice was very earnest: +"Mother, I'm so sorry I made you such a great deal of trouble to-day." + +And the patient mother turned and kissed the flushed cheek, and +answered kindly: "Mother will forgive you. Have you seen Ester, my +daughter?" + +"No, ma'am," spoken more faintly; "but I'm going to find her right +away." + +And Ester answered the troubled little voice with a cold "Actions +speak louder than words. I hope you will show how sorry you are by +behaving better in future. Stand out of my way." + +"Is it all done up?" Alfred asked, a moment later, as she joined him +on the piazza to take a last look at the beauty of this day which had +opened so brightly for her. + +"Yes," with a relieved sigh; "and, Alfred, I never mean to be such a +woman as Ester is when I grow up. I wouldn't for the world. I mean to +be nice, and good, and kind, like sister Sadie." + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +SOMETHING HAPPENS. + + +Now the letter which had caused so much trouble in the Ried family, +and especially in Ester's heart, was, in one sense, not an ordinary +letter. It had been written to Ester's cousin, Abbie, her one intimate +friend, Uncle Ralph's only daughter. These two, of the same age, had +been correspondents almost from their babyhood; and yet they had never +seen each other's faces. + +To go to New York, to her uncle's house, to see and be with Cousin +Abbie, had been the one great dream of Ester's heart--as likely to be +realized, she could not help acknowledging, as a journey to the moon, +and no more so. New York was at least five hundred miles away; and +the money necessary to carry her there seemed like a small fortune to +Ester, to say nothing of the endless additions to her wardrobe which +would have to be made before she would account herself ready. So she +contented herself, or perhaps it would be more truthful to say she +made herself discontented, with ceaseless dreams over what New York, +and her uncle's family, and, above all, Cousin Abbie, were like; and +whether she would ever see them; and why it had always happened that +something was sure to prevent Abbie's visits to herself; and whether +she should like her as well, if she could be with her, as she did now; +and a hundred other confused and disconnected thoughts about them all. + +Ester had no idea what this miserable, restless dreaming of hers was +doing for her. She did not see that her very desires after a better +life, which were sometimes strong upon her, were colored with +impatience and envy. + +Cousin Abbie was a Christian, and wrote her some earnest letters; +but to Ester it seemed a very easy matter indeed for one who was +surrounded, as she imagined Abbie to be, by luxury and love, to be +a joyous, eager Christian. Into this very letter that poor Julia had +sent sailing down the stream, some of her inmost feelings had been +poured. + +"Don't think me devoid of all aspirations after something higher," +so the letter ran. "Dear Abbie, you, in your sunny home, can never +imagine how wildly I long sometimes to be free from my surroundings, +free from petty cares and trials, and vexations, which, I feel, are +eating out my very life. Oh, to be free for one hour, to feel +myself at liberty, for just one day, to follow my own tastes and +inclinations; to be the person I believe God designed me to be; to +fill the niche I believe He designed me to fill! Abbie, I _hate_ my +life. I have not a happy moment. It is all rasped, and warped, and +unlovely. I am nothing, and I know it; and I had rather, for my own +comfort, be like the most of those who surround me--nothing, and not +know it. Sometimes I can not help asking myself why I was made as I +am. Why can't I be a clod, a plodder, and drag my way with stupid good +nature through this miserable world, instead of chafing and bruising +myself at every step." + +Now it would be very natural to suppose that a young lady with a +grain of sense left in her brains, would, in cooler moments, have +been rather glad than otherwise, to have such a restless, unhappy, +unchristianlike letter hopelessly lost. But Ester felt, as has been +seen, thoroughly angry that so much lofty sentiment, which she mistook +for religion, was entirely lost Yet let it not be supposed that one +word of this rebellious outbreak was written simply for effect. Ester, +when she wrote that she "hated her life," was thoroughly and miserably +in earnest. When, in the solitude of her own room, she paced her floor +that evening, and murmured, despairingly: "Oh, if something would +_only_ happen to rest me for just a little while!" she was more +thoroughly in earnest than any human being who feels that Christ has +died to save her, and that she has an eternal resting-place prepared +for her, and waiting to receive her, has any right to feel on such a +subject. Yet, though the letter had never reached its destination, +the pitying Savior, looking down upon his poor, foolish lamb in tender +love, made haste to prepare an answer to her wild, rebellious cry for +help, even though she cried blindly, without a thought of the Helper +who is sufficient for all human needs. + +"Long looked for, come at last!" and Sadie's clear voice rang through +the dining-room, and a moment after that young lady herself reached +the pump-room, holding up for Ester's view a dainty envelope, directed +in a yet more dainty hand to Miss Ester Ried. "Here's that wonderful +letter from Cousin Abbie which you have sent me to the post-office +after three times a day for as many weeks. It reached here by the way +of Cape Horn, I should say, by its appearance. It has been remailed +twice." + +Ester set her pail down hastily, seized the letter, and retired to the +privacy of the pantry to devour it; and for once was oblivious to the +fact that Sadie lunched on bits of cake broken from the smooth, square +loaf while she waited to hear the news. + +"Anything special?" Mrs. Ried asked, pausing in the doorway, which +question Ester answered by turning a flushed and eager face toward +them, as she passed the letter to Sadie, with permission to read it +aloud. Surprised into silence by the unusual confidence, Sadie read +the dainty epistle without comment: + +"MY DEAR ESTER: + +"I'm in a grand flurry, and shall therefore not stop for long stories +to-day, but come at the pith of the matter immediately. We want you. +That is nothing new, you are aware, as we have been wanting you +for many a day. But there is new decision in my plans, and new +inducements, this time. We not only want, but _must_ have you. Please +don't say 'No' to me this once. We are going to have a wedding in our +house, and we need your presence, and wisdom, and taste. Father says +you can't be your mother's daughter if you haven't exquisite taste. +I am very busy helping to get the bride in order, which is a work of +time and patience; and I do so much need your aid; besides, the bride +is your Uncle Ralph's only daughter, so of course you ought to be +interested in her. + +"Ester, _do_ come. Father says the inclosed fifty dollars is a present +from him, which you must honor by letting it pay your fare to New York +just as soon as possible. The wedding is fixed for the twenty-second; +and we want you here at least three weeks before that. Brother Ralph +is to be first groomsman; and he especially needs your assistance, as +the bride has named you for her first bridesmaid. I'm to dress--I mean +the bride is to dress--in white, and mother has a dress prepared for +the bridesmaid to match hers; so that matter need not delay or cause +you anxiety. + +"This letter is getting too long. I meant it to be very brief and +pointed. I designed every other word to be 'come;' but after all I do +not believe you will need so much urging to be with us at this time. +I flatter myself that you love me enough to come to me if you can. So, +leaving Ralph to write directions concerning route and trains, I will +run and try on the bride's bonnet, which has just come home. + +"P.S. There is to be a groom as well as a bride, though I see I have +said nothing concerning him. Never mind, you shall see him when you +come. Dear Ester, there isn't a word of tense in this letter, I know; +but I haven't time to put any in." + +"Really," laughed Sadie, as she concluded the reading, "this is almost +foolish enough to have been written by me. Isn't it splendid, though? +Ester, I'm glad you are _you_. I wish I had corresponded with Cousin +Abbie myself. A wedding of any kind is a delicious novelty; but a real +New York wedding, and a bridesmaid besides--my! I've a mind to clap my +hands for you, seeing you are too dignified to do it yourself." + +"Oh," said Ester, from whose face the flush had faded, leaving it +actually pale with excitement and expected disappointment, "you don't +suppose I am foolish enough to think I can go, do you?" + +"Of course you will go, when Uncle Ralph has paid your fare, and more, +too. Fifty dollars will buy a good deal besides a ticket to New York. +Mother, don't you ever think of saying that she can't go; there is +nothing to hinder her. She is to go, isn't she?" + +"Why, I don't know," answered this perplexed mother. "I want her to, I +am sure; yet I don't see how she can be spared. She will need a great +many things besides a ticket, and fifty dollars do not go as far as +you imagine; besides, Ester, you know I depend on you so much." + +Ester's lips parted to speak; and had the words come forth which were +in her heart, they would have been sharp and bitter ones--about never +expecting to go anywhere, never being able to do any thing but work; +but Sadie's eager voice was quicker than hers: + +"Oh now, mother, it is no use to talk in that way. I've quite set my +heart on Ester's going. I never expect to have an invitation there +myself, so I must take my honors secondhand. + +"Mother, it is time you learned to depend on me a little. I'm two +inches taller than Ester, and I've no doubt I shall develop into a +remarkable person when she is where we can't all lean upon her. School +closes this very week, you know, and we have vacation until October. +Abbie couldn't have chosen a better time. Whom do you suppose she +is to marry? What a queer creature, not to tell us. Say she can go, +mother--quick!" + +Sadie's last point was a good one in Mrs. Ried's opinion. Perhaps the +giddy Sadie, at once her pride and her anxiety, might learn a little +self-reliance by feeling a shadow of the weight of care which rested +continually on Ester. + +"You certainly need the change," she said, her eyes resting pityingly +on the young, careworn face of her eldest daughter. "But how could we +manage about your wardrobe? Your black silk is nice, to be sure; but +you would need one bright evening dress at least, and you know we +haven't the money to spare." + +Then Sadie, thoughtless, selfish Sadie, who was never supposed to have +one care for others, and very little for herself--Sadie, who vexed +Ester nearly every hour in the day, by what, at the time, always +seemed some especially selfish, heedless act--suddenly shone out +gloriously. She stood still, and actually seemed to think for a full +minute, while Ester jerked a pan of potatoes toward her, and commenced +peeling vigorously; then she clapped her hands, and gave vent to +little gleeful shouts before she exclaimed "Oh, mother, mother! I have +it exactly. I wonder we didn't think of it before. There's my blue +silk--just the thing! I am tall, and she is short, so it will make her +a beautiful train dress. Won't that do splendidly!" + +The magnitude of this proposal awed even Ester into silence. To be +appreciated, it must be understood that Sadie Ried had never in her +life possessed a silk dress. Mrs. Ried's best black silk had long ago +been cut over for Ester; so had her brown and white plaid; so there +had been nothing of the sort to remodel for Sadie; and this elegant +sky-blue silk had been lying in its satin-paper covering for more than +two years. It was the gift of a dear friend of Mrs. Ried's girlhood to +the young beauty who bore her name, and had been waiting all this time +for Sadie to attain proper growth to admit of its being cut into for +her. Meantime she had feasted her eyes upon it, and gloried in the +prospect of that wonderful day when she should sweep across the +platform of Music Hall with this same silk falling in beautiful blue +waves around her; for it had long been settled that it was to be worn +first on that day when she should graduate. + +No wonder, then, that Ester stood in mute astonishment, while Mrs. +Ried commented: + +"Why, Sadie, my dear child, is it possible you are willing to give up +your blue silk?" + +"Not a bit of it, mother; I don't intend to give it up the least bit +in the world. I'm merely going to lend it. It's too pretty to stay +poked up in that drawer by itself any longer. I've set my heart on its +coming out this very season Just as likely as not it will learn to +put on airs for me when I graduate. I'm not at all satisfied with my +attainments in that line; so Ester shall take it to New York; and if +she sits down or stands up, or turns around, or has one minute's peace +while she has it on, for fear lest she should spot it, or tear it, or +get it stepped on, I'll never forgive her." + +And at this harangue Ester laughed a free, glad laugh, such as was +seldom heard from her. Some way it began to seem as if she were really +to go, Sadie had such a brisk, business-like way of saying "Ester +shall take it to New York." Oh, if she only, _only_ could go, she +would be willing to do _any thing_ after that; but one peep, one +little peep into the beautiful magic world that lay outside of that +dining-room and kitchen she felt as if she must have. Perhaps that +laugh did as much for her as any thing. It almost startled Mrs. Ried +with its sweetness and rarity. What if the change would freshen and +brighten her, and bring her back to them with some of the sparkles +that continually danced in Sadie's eyes; but what, on the other hand, +if she should grow utterly disgusted with the monotony of their very +quiet, very busy life, and refuse to work in that most necessary +treadmill any longer. So the mother argued and hesitated, and the +decision which was to mean so much more than any of those knew, +trembled in the balance; for let Mrs. Ried once find voice to say, +"Oh, Ester, I don't see but what you will _have_ to give it up," and +Ester would have turned quickly and with curling lip, to that pan of +potatoes, and have sharply forbidden any one to mention the subject +to her again. Once more Sadie, dear, merry, silly Sadie, came to the +rescue. + +"Mother, oh, mother! what an endless time you are in coming to a +decision! I could plan an expedition to the North Pole in less time +than this. I'm just wild to have her go. I want to hear how a genuine +New York bride looks; besides, you know, dear mother, I want to stay +in the kitchen with you. Ester does every thing, and I don't have +any chance. I perfectly long to bake, and boil, and broil, and brew +things. Say yes, there's a darling." + +And Mrs. Ried looked at the bright, flushed face, and thought how +little the dear child knew about all these matters, and how little +patience poor Ester, who was so competent herself, would have with +Sadie's ignorance, and said, slowly and hesitatingly, but yet actually +said: + +"Well, Ester, my daughter, I really think we must try to get along +without you for a little while!" + +And these three people really seemed to think that they had decided +the matter. Though two of them were at least theoretical believers +in a "special providence," it never once occurred to them that this +little thing, in all its details, had been settled for ages. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +JOURNEYING. + + +"Twenty minutes here for refreshments!" "Passengers for New York take +south track!" "New York daily papers here!" "Sweet oranges here!" +And amid all these yells of discordant tongues, and the screeching +of engines, and the ringing of bells, and the intolerable din of a +merciless gong, Ester pushed and elbowed her way through the crowd, +almost panting with her efforts to keep pace with her traveling +companion, a nervous country merchant on his way to New York to +buy goods. He hurried her through the crowd and the noise into the +dining-saloon; stood by her side while, obedient to his orders, she +poured down her throat a cup of almost boiling coffee; then, seating +her in the ladies' room charged her on no account to stir from +that point while he was gone--he had just time to run around to the +post-office, and mail a forgotten letter; then he vanished, and in +the confusion and the crowd Ester was alone. She did not feel, in the +least, flurried or nervous; on the contrary, she liked it, this first +experience of hers in a city depot; she would not have had it +made known to one of the groups of fashionably-attired and +very-much-at-ease travelers who thronged past her for the world--but +the truth was, Ester had been having her very first ride in the cars! +Sadie had made various little trips in company with school friends to +adjoining towns, after school books, or music, or to attend a concert, +or for pure fun; but, though Ester had spent her eighteen years of +life in a town which had long been an "Express Station," yet want +of time, or of money, or of inclination to take the bits of journeys +which alone were within her reach, had kept her at home. Now she +glanced at herself, at her faultlessly neat and ladylike traveling +suit. She could get a full view of it in an opposite mirror, and it +was becoming, from the dainty vail which fluttered over her hat, to +the shining tip of her walking boots; and she gave a complacent little +sigh, as she said to herself: "I don't see but I look as much like a +traveler as any of them. I'm sure I don't feel in the least confused. +I'm glad I'm not as ridiculously dressed as that pert-looking girl in +brown. I should call it in very bad taste to wear such a rich silk as +that for traveling. She doesn't look as though she had a single idea +beyond dress; probably that is what is occupying her thoughts at +this very moment;" and Ester's speaking face betrayed contempt and +conscious superiority, as she watched the fluttering bit of silk and +ribbons opposite. Ester had a very mistaken opinion of herself in this +respect; probably she would have been startled and indignant had +any one told her that her supposed contempt for the rich and elegant +attire displayed all around her, was really the outgrowth of envy; +that, when she told herself _she_ wouldn't lavish so much time and +thought, and, above all, _money_, on mere outside show, it was mere +nonsense--that she already spent all the time at her disposal, and all +the money she could possibly spare, on the very things which she was +condemning. + +The truth was, Ester had a perfectly royal taste in all these matters. +Give her but the wherewithal, and she would speedily have glistened +in silk, and sparkled with jewels; yet she honestly thought that her +bitter denunciation of fashion and folly in this form was outward +evidence of a mind elevated far above such trivial subjects, and +looked down, accordingly, with cool contempt on those whom she was +pleased to denominate "butterflies of fashion." + +And, in her flights into a "higher sphere of thought," this absurdly +inconsistent Ester never once remembered how, just exactly a week ago +that day, she had gone around like a storm king, in her own otherwise +peaceful home, almost wearing out the long-suffering patience of her +weary mother, rendered the house intolerable to Sadie, and actually +boxed Julia's ears; and all because she saw with her own common-sense +eyes that she really _could_ not have her blue silk, or rather Sadie's +blue silk, trimmed with netted fringe at twelve shillings a yard, but +must do with simple folds and a seventy-five-cent heading! + +Such a two weeks as the last had been in the Ried family! The entire +household had joined in the commotion produced by Ester's projected +visit. It was marvelous how much there was to do. Mrs. Ried toiled +early and late, and made many quiet little sacrifices, in order that +her daughter might not feel too keenly the difference between her +own and her cousin's wardrobe. Sadie emptied what she denominated her +finery box, and donated every article in it, delivering comic little +lectures to each bit of lace and ribbon, as she smoothed them and +patted them, and told them they were going to New York. Julia hemmed +pocket handkerchiefs, and pricked her poor little fingers unmercifully +and uncomplainingly. Alfred ran of errands with remarkable promptness, +but confessed to Julia privately that it was because he was in such +a hurry to have Ester gone, so he could see how it would seem for +everybody to be good natured. Little Minie got in everybody's way as +much as such a tiny creature could, and finally brought the tears +to Ester's eyes, and set every one else into bursts of laughter, by +bringing a very smooth little handkerchief about six inches square, +and offering it as her contribution toward the traveler's outfit. As +for Ester, she was hurried and nervous, and almost unendurably +cross, through the whole of it, wanting a hundred things which it was +impossible for her to have, and scorning not a few little trifles that +had been prepared for her by patient, toil-worn fingers. + +"Ester, I _do_ hope New York, or Cousin Abbie, or somebody, will have +a soothing and improving effect upon you," Sadie had said, with a sort +of good-humored impatience, only the night before her departure. +"Now that you have reached the summit of your hopes, you seem more +uncomfortable about it than you were even to stay at home. Do let +us see you look pleasant for just five minutes, that we may have +something good to remember you by." + +"My dear," Mrs. Ried had interposed, rebukingly, "Ester is hurried and +tired, remember, and has had a great many things to try her to-day. I +don't think it is a good plan, just as a family are about to separate, +to say any careless or foolish words that we don't mean. Mother has a +great many hard days of toil, which Ester has given, to remember her +by." Oh, the patient, tender, forgiving mother! Ester, being asleep +to her own faults, never once thought of the sharp, fretful, half +disgusted way in which much of her work had been performed, but only +remembered, with a little sigh of satisfaction, the many loaves of +cake, and the rows of pies, which she had baked that very morning in +order to save her mother's steps. This was all she thought of now, but +there came days when she was wide-awake. + +Meantime the New York train, after panting and snorting several times +to give notice that the twenty minutes were about up, suddenly puffed +and rumbled its way out from the depot, and left Ester obeying orders, +that is, sitting in the corner where she had been placed by Mr. +Newton--being still outwardly, but there was in her heart a perfect +storm of vexation. "This comes of mother's absurd fussiness in +insisting upon putting me in Mr. Newton's care, instead of letting me +travel alone, as I wanted to," she fumed to herself. "Now we shall not +get into New York until after six o'clock! How provoking!" + +"How provoking this is!" Mr. Newton exclaimed, re-echoing her thoughts +as he bustled in, red with haste and heat, and stood penitently before +her. "I hadn't the least idea it would take so long to go to the +post-office. I am very sorry!" + +"Well," he continued, recovering his good humor, notwithstanding +Ester's provoking silence, "what can't be cured must be endured, Miss +Ester; and it isn't as bad as it might be, either. We've only to wait +an hour and a quarter. I've some errands to do, and I'll show you +the city with pleasure; or would you prefer sitting here and looking +around you?" + +"I should decidedly prefer not running the chance of missing the next +train," Ester answered very shortly. "So I think it will be wiser to +stay where I am." + +In truth Mr. Newton endured the results of his own carelessness with +too much complacency to suit Ester's state of mind; but he took no +notice of her broadly-given hint further than to assure her that she +need give herself no uneasiness on that score; he should certainly be +on time. Then he went off, looking immensely relieved; for Mr. Newton +frankly confessed to himself that he did not know how to take care of +a lady. "If she were a parcel of goods now that one could get stored +or checked, and knew that she would come on all right, why--but a +lady. I'm not used to it. How easily I could have caught that train, +if I hadn't been obliged to run back after her; but, bless me, I +wouldn't have her know that for the world." This he said meditatively +as he walked down South Street. + +The New York train had carried away the greater portion of the +throng at the depot, so that Ester and the dozen or twenty people who +occupied the great sitting-room with her, had comparative quiet. The +wearer of the condemned brown silk and blue ribbons was still there, +and awoke Ester's vexation still further by seeming utterly unable to +keep herself quiet; she fluttered from seat to seat, and from window +to window, like an uneasy bird in a cage. Presently she addressed +Ester in a bright little tone: "Doesn't it bore you dreadfully to wait +in a depot?" + +"Yes," said Ester, briefly and truthfully, notwithstanding the fact +that she was having her first experience in that boredom. + +"Are you going to New York?" + +"I hope so," she answered, with energy. "I expected to have been +almost there by this time; but the gentleman who is supposed to be +taking care of me, had to rush off and stay just long enough to miss +the train." + +"How annoying!" answered the blue ribbons with a soft laugh. "I missed +it, too, in such a silly way. I just ran around the corner to get some +chocolate drops, and a little matter detained me a few moments; and +when I came back, the train had gone. I was so sorry, for I'm in such +a hurry to get home. Do you live in New York?" + +Ester shook her head, and thought within herself: "That is just as +much sense as I should suppose you to have--risk the chance of missing +a train for the sake of a paper of candy." + +Of course Ester could not be expected to know that the chocolate drops +were for the wee sister at home, whose heart would be nearly broken if +sister Fanny came home, after an absence of twenty-four hours, without +bringing her any thing; and the "little matter" which detained her +a few moments, was joining the search after a twenty-five-cent bill +which the ruthless wind had snatched from the hand of a barefooted, +bareheaded, and almost forlorn little girl, who cried as violently +as though her last hope in life had been blown away with it; nor +how, failing in finding the treasure, the gold-clasped purse had been +opened, and a crisp, new bill had been taken out to fill its place; +neither am I at all certain as to whether it would have made any +difference at all in Ester's verdict, if she had known all the +circumstances. + +The side door opened quietly just at this point and a middle-aged man +came in, carrying in one hand a tool-box, and in the other a two-story +tin pail. Both girls watched him curiously as he set these down on the +floor, and, taking tacks from his pocket and a hammer from his box, he +proceeded to tack a piece of paper to the wall. Ester, from where +she sat, could see that the paper was small, and that something was +printed on it in close, fine type. It didn't look in the least like a +handbill, or indeed like a notice of any sort. Her desire to know what +it could be grew strong; two tiny tacks held it firmly in its place. +Then the man turned and eyed the inmates of the room, who were by this +time giving undivided attention to him and his bit of paper Presently +he spoke, in a quiet, respectful tone: + +"I've tacked up a nice little tract. I thought maybe while you was +waiting you might like something to read. If one of you would read +it aloud, all the rest could hear it." So saying, the man stooped +and took up his tool-box and his tin pail, and went away, leaving the +influences connected with those two or three strokes of his hammer to +work for him through all time, and meet him at the judgment. But if +a bomb-shell had suddenly come down and laid itself in ruins it their +feet, it could not have made a much more startled company than the +tract-tacker left behind him. A tract!--actually tacked up on the +wall, and waiting for some human voice to give it utterance! A tract +in a railroad depot! How queer! how singular! how almost improper! +Why? Oh, Ester didn't know; it was so unusual. Yes; but then that +didn't make it improper. No; but--then, she--it--Well, it was +fanatical. Oh yes, that was it. She knew it was improper in some way. +It was strange that that very convenient word should have escaped her +for a little. This talk Ester held hurriedly with her conscience. It +was asleep, you know; but just then it nestled as in a dream, and gave +her a little prick; but that industrious, important word, "fanatical," +lulled it back to its rest. Meantime there hung the tract, and +fluttered a little in the summer air, as the door opened and closed. +Was no one to give it voice? "I'd like dreadful well to hear it," an +old lady said, nodding her gray head toward the little leaf on the +wall; "but I've packed up my specs, and might just as well have no +eyes at all, as far as readin' goes, when I haven't got my specs +on. There's some young eyes round here though, one would think." she +added, looking inquiringly around. "You won't need glasses, I should +say now, for a spell of years!" + +This remark, or hint, or inquiry, was directed squarely at Ester, and +received no other answer than a shrug of the shoulder and an impatient +tapping of her heels on the bare floor. Under her breath Ester +muttered, "Disagreeable old woman!" + +The brown silk rustled, and the blue ribbons fluttered restlessly for +a minute; then their owner's clear voice suddenly broke the silence: +"I'll read it for you, ma'am, if you really would like to hear it." + +The wrinkled, homely, happy old face broke into a beaming smile, as +she turned toward the pink-cheeked, blue-eyed maiden. "That I would," +she answered, heartily, "dreadful well. I ain't heard nothing good, +'pears to me, since I started; and I've come two hundred miles. It +seems as if it might kind of lift me up, and rest me like, to hear +something real good again." + +With the flush on her face a little hightened, the young girl promptly +crossed to where the tract hung; and a strange stillness settled over +the listeners as her clear voice sounded distinctly down the long +room. This was what she read. + +SOLEMN QUESTIONS. + +"Dear Friend: Are you a Christian? What have you done to-day for +Christ? Are the friends with whom you have been talking traveling +toward the New Jerusalem? Did you compare notes with them as to how +you were all prospering on the way? Is that stranger by your side +a fellow-pilgrim? Did you ask him if he _would_ be? Have you been +careful to recommend the religion of Jesus Christ by your words, by +your acts, by your looks, this day? If danger comes to you, have you +this day asked Christ to be your helper? If death comes to you this +night, are you prepared to give up your account? What would your +record of this last day be? A blank? What! Have you done _nothing_ for +the Master? Then what have you done against Him? Nothing? Nay, verily! +Is not the Bible doctrine, 'He that is not for me is against me?' + +"Remember that every neglected opportunity, every idle word, every +wrong thought of yours has been written down this day. You can not +take back the thoughts or words; you can not recall the opportunity. +This day, with all its mistakes, and blots, and mars, you can never +live over again. It must go up to the judgment just as it is. Have you +begged the blood of Jesus to be spread over it all? Have you resolved +that no other day shall witness a repeatal of the same mistakes? Have +you resolved in your own strength or in His?" + + +During the reading of the tract, a young man had entered, paused a +moment in surprise at the unwonted scene, then moved with very quiet +tread across the room and took the vacant seat near Ester. As the +reader came back to her former seat, with the pink on her cheek +deepened into warm crimson, the new comer greeted her with-- + +"Good-evening, Miss Fannie. Have you been finding work to do for the +Master?" + +"Only a very little thing," she answered, with a voice in which there +was a slight tremble. + +"I don't know about that, my dear." This was the old woman's voice. +"I'm sure I thank you a great deal. They're kind of startling +questions like; enough to most scare a body, unless you was trying +pretty hard, now ain't they?" + +"Very solemn questions, indeed," answered the gentleman to whom this +question seemed to be addressed. "I wonder, if we were each obliged +to write truthful answers to each one of them, how many we should be +ashamed to have each other see?" + +"How many would be ashamed to have _Him_ see?" The old woman spoke +with an emphatic shake of her gray head, and a reverent touch of he +pronoun. + +"That is the vital point," he said. "Yet how much more ashamed we +often seem to be of man's judgment than of God's." + +Then he turned suddenly to Ester, and spoke in a quiet, respectful +tone: + +"Is the stranger by my side a fellow-pilgrim?" + +Ester was startled and confused. The whole scene had been a very +strange one to her. She tried to think the blue-ribboned girl was +dreadfully out of her sphere; but the questions following each other +in such quick succession, were so very solemn, and personal, and +searching--and now this one. She hesitated, and stammered, and flushed +like a school-girl, as at last she faltered: "I--I think--I believe--I +am." + +"Then I trust you are wide-awake, and a faithful worker in the +vineyard," he said, earnestly. "These are times when the Master needs +true and faithful workmen." + +"He's a minister," said Ester, positively, to herself, when she had +recovered from her confusion sufficiently to observe him closely, as +he carefully folded the old woman's shawl for her, took her box and +basket in his care, and courteously offered his hand to assist her +into the cars for the New York train thundered in at last, and Mr. +Newton presented himself; and they rushed and jostled each other out +of the depot and into the train. And the little tract hung quietly +in its corner; and the carpenter who had left it there, hammered, and +sawed, and planed--yes, and prayed that God would use it, and knew not +then, nor afterward, that it had already awakened thoughts that would +tell for eternity. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +THE JOURNEY'S END. + + +"Yes, he's a minister," Ester repeated, even more decidedly, as, being +seated in the swift-moving train, directly behind the old lady and the +young gentleman who had become the subject of her thoughts, she found +leisure to observe him more closely. Mr. Newton was absorbed in the +_Tribune_; so she gave her undivided attention to the two, and could +hear snatches of the conversation which passed between them, as well +as note the courteous care with which he brought her a cup of water +and attended to all her simple wants. During the stopping of the train +at a station, their talk became distinct. + +"And I haven't seen my boy, don't you think, in ten years," the old +lady was saying. "Won't he be glad though, to see his mother once +more? And he's got children--two of them; one is named after me, +Sabrina. It's an awful homely name, I think, don't you? But then, you +see, it was grandma's." + +"And that makes all the difference in the world," her companion +answered. "So the old home is broken up, and you are going to make a +new one." + +"Yes; and I'll show you every _thing_ I've got to remember my old +garden by." + +With eager, trembling fingers, she untied the string which held down +the cover of her basket, and, rummaging within, brought to light +a withered bouquet of the very commonest and, perhaps, the very +homeliest flowers that grew, if there _are_ any homely flowers. + +"There," she said, holding it tenderly, and speaking with quivering +lip and trembling voice. "I picked 'em the very last thing I did, out +in my own little garden patch by the backdoor. Oh, times and times +I've sat and weeded and dug around them, with him sitting on the stoop +and reading out loud to me. I thought all about just how it was while +I was picking these. I didn't stay no longer, and I didn't go back to +the house after that. I couldn't; I just pulled my sun-bonnet over my +eyes, and went across lots to where I was going to get my breakfast" + +Ester felt very sorry for the poor homeless, friendless old +woman--felt as though she would have been willing to do a good deal +just then to make her comfortable; yet it must be confessed that that +awkward bunch of faded flowers, arranged without the slightest regard +to colors, looked rather ridiculous; and she felt surprised, and not +a little puzzled, to see actual tears standing in the eyes of her +companion as he handled the bouquet with gentle care. + +"Well," he said, after a moment of quiet, "you are not leaving +your best friend after all. Does it comfort your heart very much to +remember that, in all your partings and trials, you are never called +upon to bid Jesus good-by?" + +"What a way he has of bringing that subject into every conversation," +commented Ester, who was now sure that he was a minister. Someway +Ester had fallen into a way of thinking that every one who spoke +freely concerning these matters must be either a fanatic or a +minister. + +"Oh, that's about all the comfort I've got left." This answer came +forth from a full heart, and eyes brimming with tears. "And I don't +s'pose I need any other, if I've got Jesus left I oughtn't to need any +thing else; but sometimes I get impatient--it seems to me I've been +here long enough, and it's time I got home." + +"How is it with the boy who is expecting you; has he this same +friend?" + +The gray head was slowly and sorrowfully shaken. "Oh, I'm afraid he +don't know nothing about _Him_." + +"Ah! then you have work to do; you can't be spared to rest yet. I +presume the Master is waiting for you to lead that son to himself." + +"I mean to, I mean to, sir," she said earnestly, "but sometimes I +think maybe my coffin could do it better than I; but God knows--and +I'm trying to be patient." + +Then the train whirred on again, and Ester missed the rest; but one +sentence thrilled her--"Maybe my coffin could do it better than I." +How earnestly she spoke, as if she were willing to die at once, if by +that she could save her son. How earnest they both were, anyway--the +wrinkled, homely, ignorant old woman and the cultivated, courtly +gentleman. Ester was ill at ease--conscience was arousing her +to unwonted thought. These two were different from her She was a +Christian--at least she supposed so, hoped so; but she was not like +them. There was a very decided difference. Were they right, and was +she all wrong? wasn't she a Christian after all? and at this thought +she actually shivered. She was not willing to give up her title, weak +though it might be. + +"Oh, well!" she decided, after a little, "she is an old woman, +almost through with life. Of course she looks at everything through a +different aspect from what a young girl like me naturally would; +and as for him, ministers always are different from other people, of +course." + +Foolish Ester! Did she suppose that ministers have a private Bible +of their own, with rules of life set down therein for them, quite +different from those written for her! And as for the old woman, almost +through with life, how near might Ester be to the edge of her own life +at that very moment! When the train stopped again the two were still +talking. + +"I just hope my boy will look like you," the old lady said suddenly, +fixing admiring eyes on the tall form that stood beside her, patiently +waiting for the cup from which she was drinking the tea which he had +procured for her. + +Ester followed the glance of her eye, and laughed softly at the +extreme improbability of her hope being realized, while he answered +gravely: + +"I hope he will be a noble boy, and love his mother as she deserves; +then it will matter very little who he looks like." + +While the cup was being returned there was a bit of toilet making +going on; the gray hair was smoothed back under the plain cap, and +the faded, twisted shawl rearranged and carefully pinned. Meantime her +thoughts seemed troubled, and she looked up anxiously into the face of +her comforter as he again took his seat beside her. + +"I'm just thinking I'm such a homely old thing, and New York is such +a grand place, I've heard them say. I _do_ hope he won't be ashamed of +his mother." + +"No danger," was the hearty answer; "he'll think you are the most +beautiful woman he has seen in ten years." + +There is no way to describe the happy look which shone in the faded +blue eyes at this answer; and she laughed a softly, pleased laugh as +she said: + +"Maybe he'll be like the man I read about the other day. Some mean, +old scamp told him how homely his mother was; and he said, says +he, 'Yes, she's a homely woman, sure enough; but oh she's such a +_beautiful_ mother!' What ever will I do when I get in New York," she +added quickly, seized with a sudden anxiety. "Just as like as not, +now, he never got a bit of my letter, and won't be there to get me!" + +"Do you know where your son lives?" + +"Oh, yes, I've got it on a piece of paper, the street and the number; +but bless your heart, I shouldn't know whether to go up, or down, or +across." + +Just the shadow of a smile flitted over her friend's face as the +thought of the poor old lady, trying to make her way through the city +came to him. Then he hastened to reassure her. + +"Then we are all right, whether he meets you or not; we can take a +carriage and drive there. I will see you safe at home before I leave +you." + +This crowning act of kindness brought the tears. + +"I don't know why you are so good to me," she said simply, "unless you +are the friend I prayed for to help me through this journey. If you +are, it's all right; God will see that you are paid for it." + +And before Ester had done wondering over the singular quaintness of +this last remark there was a sudden triumphant shriek from the engine, +and a tremendous din, made up of a confusion of more sounds than +she had ever heard in her life before; then all was hurry and bustle +around her, and she suddenly awakened to the fact that as soon as they +had crossed the ferry she would actually be in New York. Even then she +bethought herself to take a curious parting look at the oddly matched +couple who were carefully making their way through the crowd, and +wonder if she would ever see them again. + +The next hour was made up of bewilderment to Ester. She had a confused +remembrance afterward of floating across a silver river in a palace; +of reaching a place where everybody screamed instead of talked, and +where all the bells were ringing for fire, or something else. She +looked eagerly about for her uncle, and saw at least fifty men who +resembled him, as she saw him last, about ten years ago. She fumbled +nervously for his address in her pocket-book, and gave Mr. Newton +a recipe for making mince pies instead; finally she found herself +tumbled in among cushions and driving right into carriages and carts +and people, who all got themselves mysteriously out of the way; down +streets that she thought must surely be the ones that the bells +were ringing for, as they were all ablaze. It had been arranged that +Ester's escort should see her safely set down at her uncle's door, +as she had been unable to state the precise time of her arrival; and +besides, as she was an entire stranger to her uncle's family, they +could not determine any convenient plan for meeting each other at the +depot. So Ester was whirled through the streets at a dizzying rate, +and, with eyes and ears filled with bewildering sights and sounds, was +finally deposited before a great building, aglow with gas and gleaming +with marble. Mr. Newton rang the bell, and Ester, making confused +adieus to him, was meantime ushered into a hall looking not unlike +Judge Warren's best parlor. A sense of awe, not unmixed with +loneliness and almost terror, stole over her as the man who opened the +door stood waiting, after a civil--"Whom do you wish to see, and what +name shall I send up?" + +"Whom _did_ she wish to see, and what _was_ her name, anyway. Could +this be her uncle's house? Did she want to see any of them?" She felt +half afraid of them all. Suddenly the dignity and grandeur seemed +to melt into gentleness before her, as the tiniest of little women +appeared and a bright, young voice broke into hearty welcome: + +"Is this really my cousin Ester? And so you have come! How perfectly +splendid. Where is Mr. Newton? Gone? Why, John, you ought to have +smuggled him in to dinner. We are _so_ much obliged to him for taking +care of _you_. John, send those trunks up to my room. You'll room with +me, Ester, won't you? Mother thought I ought to put you in solitary +state in a spare chamber, but I couldn't. You see I have been so many +years waiting for you, that now I want you every bit of the time." + +All this while she was giving her loving little pats and kisses, on +their way up stairs, whither she at once carried the traveler. Such a +perfect gem of a room as that was into which she was ushered. Ester's +love of beauty seemed likely to be fully gratified; she cast one eager +glance around her, took in all the charming little details in a second +of time, and then gave her undivided attention to this wonderful +person before her who certainly was, in veritable flesh and blood, the +much-dreamed over, much-longed for Cousin Abbie. A hundred times had +Ester painted her portrait--tall and dark and grand, with a perfectly +regal form and queenly air, hair black as midnight, coiled in heavy +masses around her head, eyes blacker if possible than her hair. As to +dress, it was very difficult to determine; sometimes it was velvet and +diamonds, or, if the season would not possibly admit of that, then a +rich, dark silk, never, by any chance, a material lighter than silk. +This had been her picture. Now she could not suppress a laugh as +she noted the contrast between it and the original. She was even two +inches shorter than Ester herself, with a manner much more like a +fairy's than a queen's; instead of heavy coils of black hair, there +were little rings of brown curls clustering around a fair, pale +forehead, and continually peeping over into the bluest of eyes; then +her dress was the softest and quietest of muslins, with a pale-blue +tint. Ester's softly laugh chimed merrily; she turned quickly. + +"Now have you found something to laugh at in me already?" she said +gleefully. + +"Why," said Ester, forgetting to be startled over the idea that she +should laugh at Cousin Abbie, "I'm only laughing to think how totally +different you are from your picture." + +"From my picture!" + +"Yes, the one which I had drawn of you in my own mind. I thought you +were tall, and had black hair, and dressed in silks, like a grand +lady." + +Abbie laughed again. + +"Don't condemn me to silks in such weather as this, at least," she +said gaily. "Mother thinks I am barbarous to summon friends to the +city in August; but the circumstances are such that it could not well +be avoided. So put on your coolest dress, and be as comfortable as +possible." + +This question of how she should appear on this first evening had been +one of Ester's puzzles; it would hardly do to don her blue silk at +once, and she had almost decided to choose the black one; but Abbie's +laugh and shrug of the shoulder had settled the question of silks. So +now she stood in confused indecision before her open trunk. + +Abbie came to the rescue. + +"Shall I help you?" she said, coming forward "I'll not ring for Maggie +to-night, but be waiting maid myself. Suppose I hang up some of these +dresses? And which shall I leave for you? This looks the coolest," and +she held up to Ester's view the pink and white muslin which did duty +as an afternoon dress at home. + +"Well," said Ester, with a relieved smile, "I'll take that." + +And she thought within her heart: "They are not so grand after all." + +Presently they went down to dinner, and in view of the splendor of the +dining-room, and sparkle of gas and the glitter of silver, she changed +her mind again and thought them very grand indeed. + +Her uncle's greeting was very cordial; and though Ester found it +impossible to realize that her Aunt Helen was actually three years +older than her own mother, or indeed that she was a middle-aged lady +at all, so very bright and gay and altogether unsuitable did her +attire appear; yet on the whole she enjoyed the first two hours of her +visit very much, and surprised and delighted herself at the ease with +which she slipped into the many new ways which she saw around her. +Only once did she find herself very much confused; to her great +astonishment and dismay she was served with a glass of wine. Now +Ester, among the stanch temperance friends with whom she had hitherto +passed her life, had met with no such trial of her temperance +principles, which she supposed were sound and strong; yet here she +was at her uncle's table, sitting near her aunt, who was contentedly +sipping from her glass. Would it be proper, under the circumstances, +to refuse? Yet would it be proper to do violence to her sense of +right? + +Ester had no pledge to break, except the pledge with her own +conscience; and it is most sadly true that that sort of pledge does +not seem to be so very binding in the estimation of some people. So +Ester sat and toyed with hers, and came to the very unwarrantable +conclusion that what her uncle offered for her entertainment it +must be proper for her to take! Do Ester's good sense the justice of +understanding that she didn't believe any such thing; that she knew it +was her own conscience by which she was to be judged, not her uncle's; +that such smooth-sounding arguments honestly meant that whatever her +uncle offered for her entertainment she had not the moral courage to +refuse. So she raised the dainty wine-glass to her lips, and never +once bethought herself to look at Abbie and notice how the color +mounted and deepened on her face, nor how her glass remained untouched +beside her plate. On the whole Ester was glad when all the bewildering +ceremony of the dinner was concluded, and she, on the strength of her +being wearied with her journey, was permitted to retire with Abbie to +their room. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +COUSIN ABBIE. + + +"Now I have you all to myself," that young lady said, with a happy +smile, as she turned the key on the retreating Maggie and wheeled an +ottoman to Ester's side. "Where shall we commence? I have so very much +to say and hear; I want to know all about Aunt Laura, and Sadie, and +the twins. Oh, Ester, you have a little brother; aren't you so glad he +is a _little_ boy?" + +"Why, I don't know," Ester said, hesitatingly; then more decidedly, +"No; I am always thinking how glad I should be if he were a young man, +old enough to go out with me, and be company for me." + +"I know that is pleasant; but there are very serious drawbacks. Now, +there's our Ralph, it is very pleasant to have him for company; and +yet--Well, Ester, he isn't a Christian, and it seems all the time to +me that he is walking on quicksands. I am in one continual tremble for +him, and I wish so often that he was just a little boy, no older than +your brother Alfred; then I could learn his tastes, and indeed mold +them in a measure by having him with me a great deal, and it does seem +to me that I could make religion appear such a pleasant thing to +him, that he couldn't help seeking Jesus for himself. Don't you enjoy +teaching Alfred?" + +Poor, puzzled Ester! With what a matter-of-course air her cousin asked +this question. Could she possibly tell her that she sometimes never +gave Alfred a thought from one week's end to another, and that she +never in her life thought of teaching him a single thing. + +"I am not his teacher," she said at length "I have no time for any +such thing; he goes to school, you know, and mother helps him." + +"Well," said Abbie, with a thoughtful air, "I don't quite mean +teaching, either; at least not lessons and things of that sort, though +I think I should enjoy having him depend on me in all his needs; but I +was thinking more especially of winning him to Jesus; it seems so much +easier to do it while one is young. Perhaps he is a Christian now; is +he?" + +Ester merely shook her head in answer. She could not look in those +earnest blue eyes and say that she had never, by word or act, asked +him to come to Jesus. + +"Well, that is what I mean; you have so much more chance than I, +it seems to me. Oh, my heart is so heavy for Ralph! I am all +alone. Ester, do you know that neither my mother nor my father are +Christians, and our home influence is--; well, is not what a young man +needs. He is very--gay they call it. There are his friends here in the +city, and his friends in college,--none of them the style of people +that _I_ like him to be with,--and only poor little me to stem the +tide of worldliness all around him. There is one thing in particular +that troubles me--he is, or rather he is not--," and here poor Abbie +stopped, and a little silence followed. After a moment she spoke +again: "Oh, Ester, you will learn what I mean without my telling you; +it is something in which I greatly need your help. I depend upon you; +I have looked forward to your coming, on his account as well as on my +own. I know it will be better for him." + +Ester longed to ask what the "something" was, and what was expected +of her; but the pained look on Abbie's face deterred her, and she +contented herself by saying: + +"Where is he now?" + +"In college; coming next week. I long, on his account, to have a home +of my own. I believe I can show him a style of life which will appear +better to him than the one he is leading now." + +This led to a long talk on the coming wedding. + +"Mother is very much disturbed that it should occur in August," Abbie +said; "and of course it is not pleasant as it would be later; but the +trouble is, Mr. Foster is obliged to go abroad in September." + +"Who is Mr. Foster? Can't you be married if he isn't here?" + +"Not very well," Abbie said, with a bright little laugh. "You see he +is the one who has asked me to marry him." + +"Why! is he?" and Ester laughed at her former question; then, as a +sudden thought occurred to her, she asked: "Is he a minister?" + +"Oh dear no, he is only a merchant." + +"Is he a--a Christian?" was her next query, and so utterly unused was +she to conversation on this subject, that she actually stammered over +the simple sentence. + +Such a bright, earnest face as was turned toward her at this question! + +"Ester," said Abbie quickly, "I couldn't marry a man who was not a +Christian." + +"Why," Ester asked, startled a little at the energy of her tone, "do +you think it is wrong?" + +"Perhaps not for every one. I think one's own carefully enlightened +conscience should prayerfully decide the question; but it would be +wrong for me. I am too weak; it would hinder my own growth in grace. I +feel that I need all the human helps I can get. Yes, Mr. Foster is an +earnest Christian." + +"Do you suppose," said Ester, growing metaphysical, "that if Mr. +Foster were not a Christian you would marry him?" + +A little shiver quivered through Abbie's frame as she answered: + +"I hope I should have strength to do what I thought right; and I +believe I should." + +"Yes, you think so now," persisted Ester, "because there is no danger +of any such trial; but I tell you I don't believe, if you were brought +to the test, that you would do any such thing." + +Abbie's tone in reply was very humble. + +"Perhaps not--I might miserably fail; and yet, Ester, _He_ has said, +'My grace is sufficient for thee.'" + +Then, after a little silence, the bright look returned to her face as +she added: + +"I am very glad that I am not to be tried in that furnace; and do you +know, Ester, I never believed in making myself a martyr to what might +have been, or even what _may_ be in the future; 'sufficient unto the +day' is my motto. If it should ever be my duty to burn at the stake, I +believe I should go to my Savior and plead for the 'sufficient grace;' +but as long as I have no such known trial before me, I don't know +why I should be asking for what I do not need, or grow unhappy over +improbabilities, though I _do_ pray every day to be prepared for +whatever the future has for me." + +Then the talk drifted back again to the various details connected with +the wedding, until suddenly Abbie came to her feet with a spring. + +"Why, Ester!" she exclaimed penitently, "What a thoughtless wretch I +am! Here have I been chattering you fairly into midnight, without +a thought of your tired body and brain. This session must adjourn +immediately. Shall you and I have prayers together to-night? Will +it seem homelike to you? Can you play I am Sadie for just a little +while?" + +"I should like it," Ester answered faintly. + +"Shall I read, as you are so weary?" and, without waiting for a reply, +she unclasped the lids of her little Bible. "Are you reading the Bible +by course? Where do you like best to read, for devotional reading I +mean?" + +"I don't know that I have any choice?" Ester's voice was fainter +still. + +"Haven't you? I have my special verses that I turn to in my various +needs. Where are you and Sadie reading?" + +"No where," said Ester desperately. + +Abbie's face expressed only innocent surprise + +"Don't you read together? You are roommates, aren't you? Now I always +thought it would be so delightful to have a nice little time, like +family worship, in one's own room." + +"Sadie doesn't care anything about these things, she isn't a +Christian," Ester said at length. + +"Oh, dear! isn't she?" What a very sad and troubled tone it was in +which Abbie spoke. "Then you know something of my anxiety; and yet it +is different. She is younger than you, and you can have her so much +under your influence. At least it seems different to me. How prone we +are to consider our own anxieties peculiarly trying." + +Ester never remembered giving a half hour's anxious thought to this +which was supposed to be an anxiety with her in all her life; but she +did not say so, and Abbie continued: "Who is your particular Christian +friend, then?" + +What an exceedingly trying and troublesome talk this was to Ester! +What _was_ she to say? + +Clearly nothing but the truth. + +"Abbie, I haven't a friend in the world." + +"You poor, dear child; then we are situated very much alike after +all--though I have dear friends outside of my own family; but what a +heavy responsibility you must feel in your large household, and you +the only Christian. Do you shrink from responsibility of that kind, +Ester? Does it seem, sometimes, as if it would almost rush you?" + +"Oh, there are some Christians in the family," Ester answered, +preferring to avoid the last part of the sentence; "but then--" + +"They are half way Christians, perhaps. I understand how that is; it +really seems sadder to me than even thoughtless neglect." + +Be it recorded that Ester's conscience pricked her. This supposition +on Abbie's part was not true. Dr. Van Anden, for instance, always had +seemed to her most horribly and fanatically in earnest. But in what +rank should she place this young, and beautiful, and wealthy city +lady? Surely, she could not be a fanatic? + +Ester was troubled. + +"Well," said Abbie, "suppose I read you some of my sweet verses. Do +you know I always feel a temptation to read in John? There is so much +in that book about Jesus, and John seemed to love him so." + +Ester almost laughed. What an exceedingly queer idea--a _temptation_ +to read in any part of the Bible. What a strange girl her cousin was. + +Now the reading began. + +"This is my verse when I am discouraged--'Wait on the Lord; be of +good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the +Lord.' Isn't that reassuring. And then these two. Oh, Ester, these are +wonderful! 'I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, +and, as a cloud, thy sins; return unto me; for I have redeemed thee.' +'Sing, O ye heavens; for the Lord hath done it; shout, ye lower parts +of the earth; break forth in singing, ye mountains, O forest, and +every tree therein; for the Lord hath redeemed Jacob, and glorified +himself in Israel.' And in that glorious old prophet's book is my +jubilant verse--'And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come +to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; they shall +obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.'" + +"Now, Ester, you are very tired, aren't you? and I keep dipping into +my treasure like a thoughtless, selfish girl as I am. You and I will +have some precious readings out of this book, shall we not? Now I'll +read you my sweet good-night Psalm. Don't you think the Psalms are +wonderful, Ester?" + +And without waiting for reply the low-toned, musical voice read on +through that marvel of simplicity and grandeur, the 121st Psalm: "I +will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. +My help cometh from the Lord which made heaven and earth. He will not +suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. +Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The +Lord is thy keeper, the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. The +sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall +preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord +shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in, from this time forth, +and even for evermore." + +"Ester, will you pray?" questioned her cousin, as the reading ceased, +and she softly closed her tiny book. + +Ester gave her head a nervous, hurried shake. + +"Then shall I? or, dear Ester, would you prefer to be alone?" + +"No," said Ester; "I should like to hear you?" And so they knelt, and +Abbie's simple, earnest, tender prayer Ester carried with her for many +a day. + +After both heads were resting on their pillows, and quiet reigned in +the room, Ester's eyes were wide open. Her Cousin Abbie had astonished +her; she was totally unlike the Cousin Abbie of her dreams in +every particular; in nothing more so than the strangely childlike +matter-of-course way in which she talked about this matter of +religion. Ester had never in her life heard any one talk like that, +except, perhaps, that minister who had spoken to her in the depot. +His religion seemed not unlike Abbie's. Thinking of him, she suddenly +addressed Abbie again. + +"There was a minister in the depot to-day, and he spoke to me;" then +the entire story of the man with his tract, and the girl with blue +ribbons, and the old lady, and the young minister, and bits of the +conversation, were gone over for Abbie's benefit. + +And Abbie listened, and commented, and enjoyed every word of it, until +the little clock on the mantel spoke in silver tones, and said, one, +two. Then Abbie grew penitent again. + +"Positively, Ester, I won't speak again: you will be sleepy all day +to-morrow, and you needn't think I shall give you a chance even to +wink. Good-night." + +"Good-night," repeated Ester; but she still kept her eyes wide +open. Her journey, and her arrival, and Abbie, and the newness and +strangeness of everything around her, had banished all thought of +sleep. So she went over in detail everything which had occurred that +day but persistently her thoughts returned to the question which +had so startled her, coming from the lips of a stranger, and to the +singleness of heart which seemed to possess her Cousin Abbie. + +"_Was_ she a fellow-pilgrim after all?" she queried. If so, what +caused the difference between Abbie and herself. It was but a few +hours since she first beheld her cousin; and yet she distinctly +_felt_ the difference between them in that matter. "We are as unlike," +thought Ester, turning restlessly on her pillow. "Well, as unlike as +two people can be." + +What _would_ Abbie say could she know that it was actually months +since Ester had read as much connectedly in her Bible as she had heard +read that evening? Yes, Ester had gone backward, even as far as that! +Farther! What would Abbie say to the fact that there were many, many +prayerless days in her life? Not very many, perhaps, in which she had +not used a form of prayer; but their names were legion in which she +had risen from her knees unhelped and unrefreshed; in which she knew +that she had not _prayed_ a single one of the sentences which she had +been repeating. And just at this point she was stunned with a sudden +thought--a thought which too often escapes us all. She would not for +the world, it seemed to her, have made known to Abbie just how matters +stood with her; and yet, and yet--Christ knew it all. She lay very +still, and breathed heavily. It came to her with all the thrill of an +entirely new idea. + +Then that unwearied and ever-watchful Satan came to her aid. + +"Oh, well," said he, "your Cousin Abbie's surroundings are very +different from yours. Give you all the time which she has at her +disposal, and I dare say you would be quite as familiar with your +Bible as she is with hers. What does she know about the petty +vexations and temptations, and bewildering, ever-pressing duties which +every hour of every day beset your path? The circumstances are very +different. Her life is in the sunshine, yours in the shadow. Besides, +you do not know her; it is easy enough to talk; _very_ easy to read +a chapter in the Bible; but after all there are other things quite as +important, and it is more than likely that your cousin is not quite +perfect yet." + +Ester did not know that this was the soothing lullaby of the old +Serpent. Well for her if she had, and had answered it with that +solemn, all-powerful "Get thee behind me, Satan." But she gave her own +poor brain the benefit of every thought; and having thus lulled, and +patted, and coaxed her half-roused and startled conscience into quiet +rest again, she turned on her pillow and went to sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +ESTER'S MINISTER. + + +Ester was dreaming that the old lady on the cars had become a fairy, +and that her voice sounded like a silver bell, when she suddenly +opened her eyes, and found that it was either the voice of the marble +clock on the mantel, or of her Cousin Abbie, who was bending over her. + +"Do you feel able to get up to breakfast, Ester dear, or had you +rather lie and rest?" + +"Breakfast!" echoed Ester, in a sleepy bewilderment, raising herself +on one elbow, and gazing at her cousin. + +"Yes, breakfast!"--this with a merry laugh "Did you suppose that +people in New York lived without such inconveniences?" + +Oh! to be sure, she was in New York, and Ester repeated the laugh--it +had sounded so queerly to hear any one talk to her about getting up to +breakfast; it had not seemed possible that that meal could be prepared +without her assistance. + +"Yes, certainly, I'll get up at once. Have I kept you waiting, Abbie?" + +"Oh no, not at all; generally we breakfast at nine, but mother gave +orders last night to delay until half-past nine this morning." + +Ester turned to the little clock in great amazement; it was actually +ten minutes to nine! What an idea! She never remembered sleeping so +late in her life before. Why, at home the work in the dining-room and +kitchen must all be done by this time, and Sadie was probably making +beds. Poor Sadie! What a time she would have! "She will learn a little +about life while I am away," thought Ester complacently, as she stood +before the mirror, and pinned the dainty frill on her new pink cambric +wrapper, which Sadie's deft fingers had fashioned for her. + +Ester had declined the assistance of Maggie--feeling that though she +knew perfectly well how to make her own toilet, she did _not_ know how +to receive assistance in the matter. + +"Now I will leave you for a little," Abbie said, taking up her tiny +Bible. + +"Ester, where is your Bible? I suppose you have it with you?" + +Ester looked annoyed. + +"I don't believe I have," she said hurriedly. "I packed in such haste, +you see, and I don't remember putting it in at all." + +"Oh, I am sorry--you will miss it so much! Do you have a thousand +little private marks in your Bible that nobody else understands? I +have a great habit of reading in that way. Well, I'll bring you one +from the library that you may mark just as much as you please." + +Ester sat herself down, with a very complacent air, beside the open +window, with the Bible which had just been brought her, in her lap. +Clearly she had been left alone that she might have opportunity for +private devotion, and she liked the idea very much; to be sure, she +had not been in the habit of reading in the Bible in the morning, but +that, she told herself, was simply because she never had time hardly +to breathe in the mornings at home; there she had beefsteak to +cook, and breakfast rolls to attend to, she said disdainfully, as if +beefsteak and breakfast rolls were the most contemptible articles in +the world, entirely beneath the notice of a rational being; but now +she was in a very different atmosphere; and at nine o'clock of a +summer morning was attired in a very becoming pink wrapper, finished +with the whitest of frills; and sat at her window, a young lady of +elegant leisure, waiting for the breakfast-bell. Of course she could +read a chapter in the Bible now, and should enjoy it quite as much as +Abbie did. She had never learned that happy little habit of having +a much-used, much-worn, much-loved Bible for her own personal and +private use; full of pencil marks and sacred meanings, grown dear from +association, and teeming with memories of precious communings. She had +one, of course--a nice, proper-looking Bible--and if it chanced to be +convenient when she was ready to read, she used it; if not, she took +Sadie's, or picked up Julia's from under the table, or the old one +on a shelf in the corner, with one cover and part of Revelation +missing--it mattered not one whit to her which--for there were no +pencil marks, and no leaves turned down, and no special verses to +find. She thought the idea of marking certain verses an excellent +one, and deciding to commence doing so at once, cast about her for +a pencil. There was one on the round table, by the other window; but +there were also many other things. Abbie's watch lay ticking softly in +its marble and velvet bed, and had to be examined and sighed over; and +Abbie's diamond pin in the jewel-case also demanded attention--then +there were some blue and gold volumes to be peeped at, and Longfellow +received more than a peep; then, most witching of all, "Say and Seal," +in two volumes--the very books Sadie had borrowed once, and returned, +before Ester had a chance to discover how Faith managed about the +ring. Longfellow and the Bible slid on the table together, and "Say +and Seal" was eagerly seized upon, just to be glanced over, and the +glances continued until there pealed a bell through the house; +and, with a start, and a confused sense of having neglected her +opportunities, this Christian young lady followed her cousin down +stairs, to meet all the temptations and bewilderments of a new day, +unstrengthened by communion with either her Bible or her Savior. + +That breakfast, in all its details, was a most bewitching affair. +Ester felt that she could never enjoy that meal again, at a table that +was not small and round, and covered with damask nor drink coffee that +had not first flowed gracefully down from a silver urn. As for Aunt +Helen, she could have dispensed with her; she even caught herself +drawing unfavorable comparisons between her and the patient, +hardworking mother far away. + +"Where is Uncle Ralph?" she asked suddenly, becoming conscious that +there were only three, when last evening there were four. + +"Gone down town some hours ago," Abbie answered. "He is a +business-man, you know, and can not keep such late hours." + +"But does he go without breakfast?" + +"No--takes it at seven, instead of nine, like our lazy selves." + +"He used to breakfast at a restaurant down town, like other +business-men," further explained Aunt Helen, observing the bewildered +look of this novice in city-life. "But it is one of Abbie's recent +whims that she can make him more comfortable at home, so they rehearse +the interesting scene of breakfast by gas-light every morning." + +Abbie's clear laugh rang out merrily at this. + +"My dear mother, don't, I beg of you, insult the sun in that manner! +Ester, fancy gas-light at seven o'clock on an August morning!" + +"Do you get down stairs at seven o'clock?" was Ester's only reply. + +"Yes, at six, or, at most, half-past. You see, if I am to make father +as comfortable at home as he would be at a restaurant, I must flutter +around a little." + +"Burns her cheeks and her fingers over the stove," continued Aunt +Helen in a disgusted tone, "in order that her father may have burnt +toast prepared by her hands." + +"You've blundered in one item, mother," was Abbie's good-humored +reply. "My toast is _never_ burnt, and only this morning father +pronounced it perfect." + +"Oh, she is developing!" answered Mrs. Ried, with a curious mixture +of annoyance and amusement in look and tone. "If Mr. Foster fails in +business soon, as I presume he will, judging from his present rate +of proceeding, we shall find her advertising for the position of +first-class cook in a small family." + +If Abbie felt wounded or vexed over this thrust at Mr. Foster, it +showed itself only by a slight deepening of the pink on her cheek, +as she answered in the brightest of tones: "If I do, mother, and you +engage me, I'll promise you that the eggs shall not be boiled as hard +as these are." + +All this impressed two thoughts on Ester's mind--one, that Abbie, for +some great reason unknown to, and unimagined by herself, actually of +her own free will, arose early every morning, and busied herself +over preparations for her father's breakfast; the other, that Abbie's +mother said some disagreeable things to her, in a disagreeable way--a +way that would exceedingly provoke _her_, and that she _wouldn't +endure_, she said to herself, with energy. + +These two thoughts so impressed themselves, that when she and Abbie +were alone again, they led her to ask two questions: + +"Why do you get breakfast at home for your father, Abbie? Is it +necessary?" + +"No; only I like it, and he likes it. You see, he has very little +time to spend at home, and I like that little to be homelike; besides, +Ester, it is my one hour of opportunity with my father. I almost +_never_ see him alone at any other time, and I am constantly praying +that the Spirit will make use of some little word or act of mine to +lead him to the cross." + +There was no reply to be made to this, so Ester turned to the other +question: + +"What does your mother mean by her reference to Mr. Foster?" + +"She thinks some of his schemes of benevolence are on too large a +scale to be prudent. But he is a very prudent man, and doesn't seem to +think so at all." + +"Doesn't it annoy you to have her speak in that manner about him?" + +The ever-ready color flushed into Abbie's cheeks again, and, after a +moment's hesitation, she answered gently: "I think it would, Ester, if +she were not my _own mother_, you know." + +Another rebuke. Ester felt vexed anyway. This new strange cousin of +hers was going to prove painfully good. + +But her first day in New York, despite the strangeness of everything, +was full of delight to her. They did not go out, as Ester was supposed +to be wearied from her journey, though, in reality, she never felt +better; and she reveled all day in a sense of freedom--of doing +exactly what she pleased, and indeed of doing nothing; this last was +an experience so new and strange to her, that it seemed delightful. +Ester's round of home duties had been so constant and pressing, the +rebound was extreme; it seemed to her that she could never bake any +more pies and cakes in that great oven, and she actually shuddered +over the thought that, if she were at home, she would probably be +engaged in ironing, while Maggie did the heavier work. + +She went to fanning most vigorously as this occurred to her, and +sank back among the luxurious cushions of Abbie's easy chair, as if +exhausted; then she pitied herself most industriously, and envied +Abbie more than ever, and gave no thought at all to mother and Sadie, +who were working so much harder than usual, in order that she might +sit here at ease. At last she decided to dismiss every one of these +uncomfortable thoughts, to forget that she had ever spent an hour of +her life in a miserable, hot kitchen, but to give herself entirely and +unreservedly to the charmed life, which stretched out before her for +three beautiful weeks. "Three weeks is quite a little time, after +all," she told herself hopefully. "Three weeks ago I hadn't the least +idea of being here; and who knows what may happen in the next three +weeks? Ah! sure enough, Ester, who knows?" + +"When am I to see Mr. Foster?" she inquired of Abbie as they came up +together from the dining-room after lunch. + +"Why, you will see him to-night, if you are not too tired to go out +with me. I was going to ask about that." + +"I'm ready for anything; don't feel as if I ever experienced the +meaning of that word," said Ester briskly, rejoiced at the prospect of +going anywhere. + +"Well, then, I shall carry you off to our Thursday evening +prayer-meeting--it's just _our_ meeting, you see--we teachers in the +mission--there are fifty of us, and we do have the most delightful +times. It is like a family--rather a large family, perhaps you +think--but it doesn't seem so when we come on Sabbath, from the great +congregation, and gather in our dear little chapel--we seem like a +company of brothers and sisters, shutting ourselves in at home, to +talk and pray together for a little, before we go out into the world +again. Is Thursday your regular prayer-meeting evening, Ester?" + +Now it would have been very difficult for Ester to tell when _her_ +regular prayer-meeting evening was, as it was so long ago that she +grew out of the habit of regularly attending, that now she scarcely +ever gave it a thought. But she had sufficient conscience left to be +ashamed of this state of things, and to understand that Abbie referred +to the church prayer-meeting, so she answered simply--"No; Wednesday." + +"That is our church prayer-meeting night. I missed it last evening +because I wanted to welcome you. And Tuesday is our Bible-class +night." + +"Do you give three evenings a week to religious meetings, Abbie?" + +"Yes," said Abbie with softly glee; "isn't it splendid? I appreciate +my privileges, I assure you; so many people _could not_ do it." + +"And so many people _would not_" Ester thought. + +So they were not in to dinner with the family, but took theirs an hour +earlier; and with David, whom Abbie called her body-guard, for escort, +made their way to Abbie's dear little chapel, which proved to be a +good-sized church, very prettily finished and furnished. + +That meeting, from first to last, was a succession of surprises to +Ester, commencing with the leader, and being announced to Abbie in +undertone: + +"Your minister is the very man who spoke to me yesterday in the +depot." + +Abbie nodded and smiled her surprise at this information; and Ester +looked about her. Presently another whisper: + +"Why, Abbie, there is the blue-ribboned girl I told you about, sitting +in the third seat from the front." + +"That," said Abbie, looking and whispering back, "is Fanny Ames; one +of our teachers." + +Presently Ester set to work to select Mr. Foster from the rows of +young men who were rapidly filling the front seats in the left aisle. + +"I believe that one in glasses and brown kids is he," she said to +herself, regarding him curiously; and as if to reward her penetration +he rose suddenly and came over, book in hand, to the seat directly in +front of where they were sitting. + +"Good evening, Abbie," was his greeting. "We want to sing this hymn, +and have not the tune. Can you lead it without the notes?" + +"Why, yes," answered Abbie slowly, and with a little hesitation. "That +is, if you will help me." + +"We'll all help," he said, smiling and returning to his seat. + +"Yes, I'm sure that is he," commented Ester. Then the meeting +commenced; it was a novel one. One person at least had never attended +any just like it. Instead of the chapter of proper length, which Ester +thought all ministers selected for public reading, this reader read +just three verses, and he did not even rise from his seat to do it, +nor use the pulpit Bible, but read from a bit of a book which he took +from his pocket. Then the man in spectacles started a hymn, which +Ester judged was the one which had no notes attached from the prompt +manner in which Abbie took up the very first word. + +"Now," said the leader briskly, "before we pray let us have requests." +And almost before he had concluded the sentence a young man responded. + +"Remember, especially, a boy in my class, who seems disposed to turn +every serious word into ridicule." + +"What a queer subject for prayer," Ester thought. + +"Remember my little brother, who is thinking earnestly of those +things," another gentleman said, speaking quickly, as if he realized +that he must hasten or lose his chance. + +"Pray for every one of my class. I want them all." And at this +Esther actually started, for the petition came from the lips of the +blue-ribboned Fanny in the corner. A lady actually taking part in a +prayer-meeting when gentlemen were present! How very improper. She +glanced around her nervously, but no one else seemed in the least +surprised or disturbed; and indeed another young lady immediately +followed her with a similar request. + +"Now," said the leader, "let us pray." And that prayer was so strange +in its sounding to Ester. It did not commence by reminding God that he +was the maker and ruler of the universe, or that he was omnipotent and +omnipresent and eternal, or any of the solemn forms of prayer to +which her ears were used, but simply: "Oh, dear Savior, receive these +petitions which we bring. Turn to thyself the heart of the lad who +ridicules the efforts of his teacher; lead the little brother into +the strait and narrow way; gather that entire class into thy heart of +love"--and thus for each separate request a separate petition; and +as the meeting progressed it grew more strange every moment to Ester. +Each one seemed to have a word that he was eager to utter; and the +prayers, while very brief, were so pointed as to be almost startling. +They sang, too, a great deal, only a verse at a time, and whenever +they seemed to feel like it. Her amazement reached its hight when she +felt a little rustle beside her, and turned in time to see the eager +light in Abbie's eyes as she said: + +"One of my class has decided for Christ." + +"Good news," responded the leader. "Don't let us forget this item of +thanksgiving when we pray." + +As for Ester she was almost inclined not to believe her ears. Had her +cousin Abbie actually "spoken in meeting?" She was about to sink into +a reverie over this, but hadn't time, for at this point the leader +arose. + +"I am sorry," said he, "to cut the thread that binds us, but the hour +is gone. Another week will soon pass, though, and, God willing, we +shall take up the story--sing." And a soft, sweet chant stole through +the room: "Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the +lifting of my hands as evening sacrifice." Then the little company +moved with a quiet cheerfulness toward the door. + +"Have you enjoyed the evening?" Abbie asked in an eager tone, as they +passed down the aisle. + +"Why, yes, I believe so; only it was rather queer." + +"Queer, was it? How?" + +"Oh, I'll tell you when we get home. Your minister is exactly behind +us, Abbie, and I guess he wants to speak with you." + +There was a bright flush on Abbie's face, and a little sparkle in her +eye, as she turned and gave her hand to the minister, and then said +in a demure and softly tone: "Cousin Ester, let me make you acquainted +with my friend, Mr. Foster." + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +THE NEW BOARDER. + + +"I don't know what to decide, really," Mrs. Ried said thoughtfully, +standing, with an irresolute air, beside the pantry door. "Sadie, +hadn't I better make these pies?" + +"Is that the momentous question which you can't decide, mother?" + +Mrs. Ried laughed. "Not quite; it is about the new boarder. We have +room enough for another certainly, and seven dollars a week is quite +an item just now. If Ester were at home, I shouldn't hesitate." + +"Mother, if I weren't the meekest and most enduring of mortals, I +should be hopelessly vexed by this time at the constancy with which +your thoughts turn to Ester; it is positively insulting, as if I were +not doing remarkably. Do you put anything else in apple-pies? I never +mean to have one, by the way, in my house. I think they're horrid; +crust--apples--nutmeg--little lumps of butter all over it. Is there +anything else, mother, before I put the top on?" + +"Sometimes I sweeten mine a little," Mrs. Ried answered demurely. + +"Oh, sure enough; it was that new boarder that took all thoughts of +sweetness out of me. How much sugar, mother? Do let him come. We +are such a stupid family now, it is time we had a new element in it; +besides, you know I broke the largest platter yesterday, and his seven +dollars will help buy another. I wish he was anything but a doctor, +though; one ingredient of that kind is enough in a family, especially +of the stamp which we have at present." + +"Sadie," said Mrs. Ried gravely and reprovingly; "I never knew a young +man for whom I have a greater respect than I have for Dr. Van Anden." + +"Yes, ma'am," answered Sadie, with equal gravity; "I have an immense +respect for him I assure you, and so I have for the President, and I +feel about as intimate with the one as the other. I hope Dr. Douglass +will be delightfully wild and wicked. How will Dr. Van Anden enjoy the +idea of a rival?" + +"I spoke of it to him yesterday. I told him we would't give the matter +another thought if it would be in any way unpleasant to him. I thought +we owed him that consideration in return for all his kindness to us; +but he assured me that it could make not the slightest difference to +him." + +"Do let him come, then. I believe I need another bed to make; I'm +growing thin for want of exercise, and, by the way, that suggests +an item in his favor; being a doctor, he will be out all night +occasionally, perhaps, and the bed won't need making so often. Mother, +I do believe I didn't put a speck of soda in that cake I made this +morning. What will that do to it? or, more properly speaking, what +will it _not_ do, inasmuch as it is not there to _do_? As for Ester, I +shall consider it a personal insult if you refer to her again, when I +am so magnificently filling her place." + +And this much enduring mother laughed and groaned at nearly the same +time. Poor Ester never forgot the soda, nor indeed anything else, +in her life; but then Sadie was so overflowing with sparkle and good +humor. + +Finally the question was decided, and the new boarder came, and +was duly installed in the family; and thence commenced a new era +in Sadie's life. Merry clerks and schoolboys she counted among her +acquaintances by the score. Grave, dignified, slightly taciturn men of +the Dr. Van Anden stamp she numbered also among her friends; but never +one quite like Dr. Douglass. This easy, graceful, courteous gentleman, +who seemed always to have just the right thing to say or do, at just +the right moment; who was neither wild nor sober; who seemed the +furthest possible remove from wicked, yet who was never by any chance +disagreeably good. His acquaintance with Sadie progressed rapidly. A +new element had come to mix in with her life. The golden days wherein +the two sisters had been much together, wherein the Christian sister +might have planted much seed for the Master in Sadie's bright young +heart, had all gone by. Perchance that sleeping Christian, nestled so +cosily among the cushions in Cousin Abbie's morning-room, might have +been startled and aroused, could she have realized that days like +those would never come back to her; that being misspent they had +passed away; that a new worker had come to drop seed into the +unoccupied heart; that never again would Sadie be as fresh, and as +guileless, and as easily won, as in those days which she had let slip +in idle, aye, worse than idle, slumber. + +Sadie sealed and directed a letter to Ester and ran with it down +stairs. Dr. Douglass stood in the doorway, hat in hand. + +"Shall I have the pleasure of being your carrier?" he said +courteously. + +"Do you suppose you are to be trusted?" Sadie questioned, as she +quietly deposited the letter in his hat. + +"That depends in a great measure on whether you repose trust in me. +The world is safer in general than we are inclined to think it. Who +lives in that little birdsnest of a cottage just across the way?" + +"A dear old gentleman, Mr. Vane," Sadie answered, her voice taking +a tender tone, as it always did when any chance word reminded her of +Florence. "That is he standing in the gateway. Doesn't he look like a +grand old patriarch?" + +As they looked Dr. Van Anden drove suddenly from around the corner, +and reined in his horses in front of the opposite gateway. They could +hear his words distinctly. + +"Mr. Vane, let me advise you to avoid this evening breeze; it is +blowing up strongly from the river." + +"Is Dr. Van Anden the old gentleman's nurse, or guardian, or what?" +questioned Sadie's companion. + +"Physician," was her brief reply. Then, after a moment, she laughed +mischievously. "You don't like Dr. Van Anden, Dr. Douglass?" + +"I! Oh, yes, I like him; the trouble is, he doesn't like me, for which +he is not to blame, to be sure. Probably he can not help it. I have in +some way succeeded in gaining his ill-will. Why do you think I am not +one of his admirers?" + +"Oh," answered this rude and lawless girl, "I thought it would be very +natural for you to be slightly jealous of him, professionally, you +know." + +If her object was to embarrass or annoy Dr. Douglass, apparently she +did not gain her point. He laughed good humoredly as he replied: + +"Professionally, he is certainly worthy of envy; I regard him as a +very skillful physician, Miss Ried." + +Ere Sadie could reply the horses were stopped before the door, and Dr. +Van Anden addressed her: + +"Sadie, do you want to take a ride?" + +Now, although Sadie had no special interest in, or friendship for, Dr. +Van Anden, she did exceedingly like his horses, and cultivated their +acquaintance whenever she had an opportunity. So within five minutes +after this invitation was received she was skimming over the road in a +high state of glee. Sadie marked that night afterward as the last one +in which she rode after those black ponies for many a day. The Doctor +seemed more at leisure than usual, and in a much more talkative mood; +so it was quite a merry ride, until he broke a moment's silence by an +abrupt question: + +"Sadie, haven't your mother and you always considered me a sincere +friend to your family?" + +Sadie's reply was prompt and to the point. + +"Certainly, Dr. Van Anden; I assure you I have as much respect for, +and confidence in, you as I should have had for my grandfather, if I +had ever known him." + +"That being the case," continued the Doctor, gravely, "you will give +me credit for sincerity and earnestness in what I am about to say. I +want to give you a word of warning concerning Dr. Douglass. He is not +a man whom _I_ can respect; not a man with whom I should like to see +my sister on terms of friendship. I have known him well and long, +Sadie; therefore I speak." + +Sadie Ried was never fretful, never petulant, and very rarely angry; +but when she was, it was a genuine case of unrestrained rage, and woe +to the individual who fell a victim to her blazing eyes and sarcastic +tongue. To-night Dr. Van Anden was that victim. What right had he to +arraign her before him, and say with whom she should, or should not, +associate, as if he were indeed her very grandfather! What business +had he to think that she was too friendly with Dr. Douglass! + +With the usual honesty belonging to very angry people, it had not once +occurred to her that Dr. Van Anden had said and done none of these +things. When she felt that her voice was sufficiently steady, she +spoke: + +"I am happy to be able to reassure you, Dr. Van Anden, you are _very_ +kind--extremely so; but as yet I really feel myself in no danger from +Dr. Douglass' fascinations, however remarkable they may be. My mother +and I enjoy excellent health at present, so you need have no anxiety +as regards our choice of physicians, although it is but natural that +you should feel nervous, perhaps; but you will pardon me for saying +that I consider your interference with my affairs unwarrantable and +uncalled for." + +If Dr. Van Anden desired to reply to this insulting harangue, there +was no opportunity, for at this moment they whirled around the corner +and were at home. + +Sadie flung aside her hat with an angry vehemence, and, seating +herself at the piano, literally stormed the keys, while the Doctor +re-entered his carriage and quietly proceeded to his evening round of +calls. + +What a whirlwind of rage there was in Sadie's heart! What earthly +right had this man whom she _detested_ to give _her_ advice? Was she a +child, to be commanded by any one? What right had any one to speak in +that way of Dr. Douglass? He was a gentleman, _certainly_, much more +of a one than Dr. Van Anden had shown himself to be--and she liked +him; yes, and she would like him, in spite of a whole legion of +envious doctors. + +A light step crossed the hall and entered the parlor. Sadie merely +raised her eyes long enough to be certain that Dr. Douglass stood +beside her, and continued her playing. He leaned over the piano and +listened. + +"Had you a pleasant ride?" he asked, as the tone of the music lulled a +little. + +"Charming." Sadie's voice was full of emphasis and sarcasm. + +"I judged, by the style of music which you were playing, that there +must have been a hurricane." + +"Nothing of the sort; only a little paternal advice." + +"Indeed! Have you been taken into his kindly care? I congratulate +you." + +Sadie was still very angry, or she would never have been guilty of the +shocking impropriety of her next remark. But it is a lamentable +fact that people will say and do very strange things when they are +angry--things of which they have occasion to repent in cooler moments. + +Fixing her bright eyes full and searchingly on Dr. Douglass, she said +abruptly: + +"He was warning me against the impropriety of associating with your +dangerous self." + +A look as of sadness and deep pain crossed Dr. Douglass' face, and he +thought aloud, rather than said: "Is that man determined I shall have +no friends?" + +Sadie was touched; she struck soft, sweet chords with a slow and +gentle movement as she asked: + +"What is your offense in his eyes, Dr. Douglass?" + +Then, indeed, Dr. Douglass seemed embarrassed; maintaining, though, a +sort of hesitating dignity as he attempted a reply. + +"Why--I--he--I would rather not tell you, Miss Ried, it sounds badly." +Then, with a little, slightly mournful laugh--"And that half admission +sounds badly, too; worse than the simple truth, perhaps. Well, then, +I had the misfortune to cross his path professionally, once; a little +matter, a slight mistake, not worth repeating--neither would I repeat +it if it were, in honor to him. He is a man of skill and since then +has risen high; one would not suppose that he would give that little +incident of the past a thought now; but he seems never to have +forgiven me." + +The music stopped entirely, and Sadie's great truthful eyes were fixed +in horror on his face. "Is it possible," she said at length, "that +_that_ is all, and he can bear such determined ill-will toward you? +and they call him an earnest Christian!" + +At which remark Dr. Douglass laughed a low, quick laugh, as if he +found it quite impossible to restrain his mirth, and then became +instantly grave, and said: + +"I beg your pardon." + +"For what, Dr. Douglass; and why did you laugh?" + +"For laughing; and I laughed because I could not restrain a feeling of +amusement at your innocently connecting his unpleasant state of mind +with his professions of Christianity." + +"Should they not be connected?" + +"Well, that depends upon how much importance you attach to them." + +"Dr. Douglass, what do you mean?" + +"Treason, I suspect, viewed from your standpoint; and therefore it +would be much more proper for me not to talk about it." + +"But I want you to talk about it. Do you mean to say that you have no +faith in any one's religion?" + +"How much have you?" + +"Dr. Douglass, that is a very Yankee way of answering a question." + +"I know; but it is the easiest way of reaching my point; so I repeat: +How much faith have you in these Christian professions? or, in other +words, how many professing Christians do you know who are particularly +improved in your estimation by their professions?" + +The old questioning of Sadie's own heart brought before her again! Oh, +Christian sister, with whom so many years of her life had been spent, +with whom she had been so closely connected, if she could but +have turned to you, and remembering your earnest life, your honest +endeavors toward the right, your earnest struggles with sin and self; +the evident marks of the Lord Jesus all about you; and, remembering +this, have quelled the tempter in human form, who stood waiting for a +verdict, with a determined--"I have known _one_"--what might not have +been gained for your side that night? + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +THREE PEOPLE. + + +As it was she hesitated, and thought--not of Ester, _her_ life had not +been such as to be counted for a moment--of her mother. + +Well, Mrs. Ried's religion had been of a negative rather than of +a positive sort, at least outwardly. She never spoke much of these +matters, and Sadie positively did not know whether she ever prayed or +not. How was she to decide whether the gentle, patient life was +the outgrowth of religion in her heart, or whether it was a natural +sweetness of disposition and tenderness of feeling? + +Then there was Dr. Van Anden, an hour ago she would surely have said +him, but now it was impossible; so as the silence, and the peculiar +smile on Dr. Douglass' face, grew uncomfortable, she answered +hurriedly: "I don't know many Christian people, Doctor." And then, +more truthfully: "But I don't consider those with whom I am acquainted +in any degree remarkable; yet at the same time I don't choose to set +down the entire Christian world as a company of miserable hypocrites." + +"Not at all," the Doctor answered quickly. "I assure you I have many +friends among that class of people whom I respect and esteem; but +since you have pressed me to continue this conversation I must frankly +confess to you that my esteem is not based on the fact that they are +called Christians. I--but, Miss Ried, this is entirely unlike, and +beneath me, to interfere with and shake your innocent, trusting faith. +I would not do it for the world." + +Sadie interrupted him with an impatient shake of her head. + +"Don't talk nonsense, Dr. Douglass, if you can help it. I don't feel +innocent at all, just now at least, and I have no particular faith +to shake; if I had I hope you would not consider it such a flimsy +material as to be shaken by any thing which you have said as yet. +I certainly have heard no arguments. Occasionally I think of these +matters, and I have been surprised, and not a little puzzled, to note +the strange inconsistency existing between the profession and practice +of these people. If you have any explanation I should like to hear it; +that is all." + +Clearly this man must use at least the semblance of sense if he were +going to continue the conversation. His answer was grave and guarded. + +"I have offered no arguments, nor do I mean to. I was apologizing for +having touched upon this matter at all. I am unfortunate in my belief, +or rather disbelief; but it is no part of my intention to press it +upon others. I incline to the opinion that there are some very good, +nice, pleasant people in the world, whom the accidents of birth and +education have taught to believe that they are aided in this goodness +and pleasantness by a more than human power, and this belief rather +helps than otherwise to mature their naturally sweet, pure lives. My +explanation of their seeming inconsistencies is, that they have never +realized the full moral force of the rules which they profess to +follow. I divide the world into two distinct classes--the so-called +Christian world, I mean. Those whom I have just named constitute one +class, and the other is composed of unmitigated hypocrites. Now my +friend, I have talked longer on this subject than I like, or than I +ought. I beg you will forget all I have said, and give me some music +to close the scene." + +Sadie laughed, and ran her fingers lightly over the keys; but she +asked: + +"In which class do you place your brother in the profession, Doctor?" + +Dr. Douglass drew his shoulder into a very slight though expressive +shrug, as he answered. + +"It is exceedingly proper, and also rather rare, for a physician to be +eminent not only for skill but piety, and my brother practitioner is a +wise and wary man, who--" and here he paused abruptly--"Miss Ried," he +added after a moment, in an entirely changed tone: "Which of us is at +fault to-night, you or myself, that I seem bent on making uncharitable +remarks? I really did not imagine myself so totally depraved. And to +be serious, I am very sorry that this style of conversation was ever +commenced. I did not intend it. I do not believe in interfering with +the beliefs, or controverting the opinions of others." + +Apparently Sadie had recovered her good humor, for her laugh was as +light and careless as usual when she made answer: + +"Don't distress yourself unnecessarily, Dr. Douglass; you haven't done +me the least harm. I assure you I don't believe a word you say, and +I do you the honor of believing that you don't credit more than +two-thirds of it yourself. Now I'm going to play you the stormiest +piece of music you ever heard in your life." And the keys rattled and +rang under her touch, and drew half a dozen loungers from the halls to +the parlor, and effectually ended the conversation. + +Three people belonging to that household held each a conversation with +their own thoughts that night, which to finite eyes would have aided +the right wonderfully had it been said before the assembled three, +instead of in the quiet and privacy of their own rooms. + +Sadie had calmed down, and, as a natural consequence, was somewhat +ashamed of herself; and as she rolled up and pinned, and otherwise +snugged her curls into order for the night, scolded herself after this +fashion: + +"Sadie Ried, you made a simpleton of yourself in that speech which +you made to Dr. Van Anden to-night; because you think a man interferes +with what doesn't concern him, is no reason why you should grow +flushed and angry, and forget that you're a lady. You said some very +rude and insulting words, and you know your poor dear mother would +tell you so if she knew any thing about it, which she won't; that's +one comfort; and besides you have probably offended those delightful +black ponies, and it will be forever before they will take you another +ride, and that's worse than all the rest. But who would think of Dr. +Van Anden being such a man? I wish Dr. Douglass had gone to Europe +before he told me--it was rather pleasant to believe in the extreme +goodness of somebody. I wonder how much of that nonsense which Dr. +Douglass talks he believes, any way? Perhaps he is half right; only +I'm not going to think any such thing, because it would be wicked, and +I'm good. And because"--in a graver tone, and with a little reverent +touch of an old worn book which lay on her bureau--"this is my +father's Bible, and he lived and died by its precepts." + +Up another flight of stairs, in his own room, Dr. Douglass lighted his +cigar, fixed himself comfortably in his arm-chair, with his feet on +the dressing-table, and, between the puffs, talked after this fashion: + +"Sorry we ran into this miserable train of talk to-night; but that +young witch leads a man on so. I'm glad she has a decided mind of her +own; one feels less conscience-stricken. I'm what they call a skeptic +myself, but after all, I don't quite like to see a lady become one. +_I_ shan't lead her astray. I wouldn't have said any thing to-night if +it hadn't been for that miserable hypocrite of a Van Anden; the fellow +must learn not to pitch into me if he wants to be let alone; but I +doubt if he accomplished much this time. What a witch she is!" And Dr. +Douglass removed his cigar long enough to give vent to a hearty laugh +in remembrance of some of Sadie's remarks. + +Just across the hall Dr. Van Anden sat before his table, one hand +partly shading his eyes from the gaslight while he read. And the words +which he read were these: "O let not the oppressed returned ashamed: +let the poor and needy praise thy name. Arise, O God, plead thine own +cause: remember how the foolish man reproacheth thee daily. Forget not +the voice of thine enemies; the tumult of those that rise up against +thee increaseth continually." + +Something troubled the Doctor to-night; his usually grave face was +tinged with sadness. Presently he arose and paced with slow measured +tread up and down the room. + +"I ought to have done it," he said at last. "I ought to have told +her mother that he was in many ways an unsafe companion for Sadie, +especially in this matter; he is a very cautious, guarded, fascinating +skeptic--all the more fascinating because he will be careful not to +shock her taste with any boldly-spoken errors. I should have warned +them--how came I to shrink so miserably from my duty? What mattered it +that they would be likely to ascribe a wrong motive to my caution? It +was none the less my duty on that account." And the sad look deepened +on his face as he marched slowly back and forth; but he was nearer a +solution of his difficulties than was either of those others for at +last he came over to his chair again, and sank before it on his knees. + +Now, let us understand these three people each of them, in their +separate ways, were making mistakes. Sadie had said that she was not +going to believe any of the nonsense which Dr. Douglass talked; she +honestly supposed that she was not influenced in the least. And yet +she was mistaken; the poison had entered her soul. As the days passed +on, she found herself more frequently caviling over the shortcomings +of professing Christians; more quick to detect their mistakes and +failures; more willing to admit the half-uttered thought that this +entire matter might be a smooth-sounding fable. Sadie was the child +of many prayers, and her father's much-used Bible lay on her +dressing-table, speaking for him, now that his tongue was silent in +the grave; so she did not _quite_ yield to the enemy--but she was +walking in the way of temptation--and the Christian tongues around +her, which the grave had _not_ silenced, yet remained as mute as +though their lips were already sealed; and so the path in which Sadie +walked grew daily broader and more dangerous. + +Then there was Dr. Douglass--not by any means the worst man that the +world can produce. He was, or fancied himself to be, a skeptic. Like +many a young man, wise in his own conceit, he had no very distinct +idea of what he was skeptical about, nor to what hights of illogical +nonsense his own supposed views, carried out, would lead him; +like many another, too, he had studied rhetoric, and logic, and +mathematics, and medicine, thoroughly and well; he would have +hesitated long, and studied hard, and pondered deeply, before he had +ventured to dispute an established point in surgery. And yet, with +the inconsistent folly of the age, he had absurdly set his seal to the +falsity of the Bible, after giving it, at most, but a careless reading +here and there, and without having ever once honestly made use of +the means by which God has promised to enlighten the seekers after +knowledge. And yet, his eyes being blinded, he did not realize how +absurd and unreasonable, how utterly foolish, was his conduct. He +thought himself sincere; he had no desire to lead Sadie astray from +her early education, and, like most skeptical natures, he quite +prided himself upon the care with which he guarded his peculiar views, +although I could never see why that was being any other than miserably +selfish or inconsistent; for it is saying, in effect, one of two +things, either: "My belief is sacred to myself alone, and nobody else +shall have the benefit of it, if I can help it;" or else: "I am very +much ashamed of my position as a skeptic, and I shall keep it to +myself as much as possible." Be that as it may, Dr. Douglass so +thought, and was sincere in his intentions to do Sadie no harm; yet, +as the days came and went, he was continually doing her injury. They +were much in each other's society, and the subject which he meant +should be avoided was constantly intruding. Both were so constantly +on the alert, to see and hear the unwise, and inconsistent, and +unchristian acts and words, and also, alas! there were so many to be +seen and heard, that these two made rapid strides in the broad road. + +Finally, there was Dr. Van Anden, carrying about with him a sad and +heavy heart. He could but feel that he had shrunken from his duty, +hidden behind that most miserable of all excuses: "What will people +think?" If Dr. Douglass had had any title but that particular one +prefixed to his name, he would not have hesitated to have advised Mrs. +Ried concerning him; but how could he endure the suspicion that he +was jealous of Dr. Douglass? Then, in trying to right the wrong, by +warning Sadie, he was made to realize, as many a poor Christian has +realized before him, that he was making the sacrifice too late, and in +vain. There was yet another thing--Dr. Douglass' statements to Sadie +had been colored with truth. Among his other honest mistakes was the +belief that Dr. Van Anden was a hypocrite. They had clashed in former +years. Dr. Douglass had been most in the wrong, though what man, +unhelped by Christ, was ever known to believe this of himself? But +there had been wrong also on the other side, hasty words spoken--words +which rankled, and were rankling still, after the lapse of years. Dr. +Van Anden had never said: "I should not have spoken thus; I am sorry." +He had taught himself to believe that it would be an unnecessary +humiliation for him to say this to a man who had so deeply wronged +him! + +But, to do our doctor justice, time had healed the wound with him; it +was not personal enmity which prompted his warning, neither had he any +idea of the injury which those sharp words of his were doing in the +unsanctified heart. And when he dropped upon his knees that night he +prayed earnestly for the conversion of Sadie and Dr. Douglass. + +So these three lived their lives under that same roof, and guessed not +what the end might be. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +THE STRANGE CHRISTIAN. + + +"Abbie," said Ester, wriggling herself around from before an open +trunk, and letting a mass of collars and cuffs slide to the floor in +her earnestness, "do you know I think you're the very strangest girl I +ever knew in my life?" + +"I'm sure I did not," Abbie answered gaily. "If it's a nice 'strange' +do tell me about it. I like to be nice--ever so much." + +"Well, but I am in earnest, Abbie; you certainly are. These very +collars made me think of it. Oh dear me! they are all on the floor." +And she reached after the shining, sliding things. + +Abbie came and sat down beside her, presently, with a mass of puffy +lace in her hands, which she was putting into shape. + +"Suppose we have a little talk, all about myself," she said gently and +seriously. "And please tell me, Ester, plainly and simply, what you +mean by the term 'strange.' Do you know I have heard it so often that +sometimes I fear I really am painfully unlike other people. You are +just the one to enlighten me." + +Ester laughed a little as she answered: "You are taking the matter +very seriously. I did not mean any thing dreadful." + +"Ah! but you are not to be excused in that way, my dear Ester. I look +to you for information. Mother has made the remark a great many times, +but it is generally connected in some way with religious topics, and +mother, you know, is not a Christian; therefore I have thought that +perhaps some things seemed strange to her which would not to--_you_, +for instance. But since you have been here you have spoken your +surprise concerning me several times, and looked it oftener; and +to-day I find that even my stiff and glossy, and every way proper, +collars and cuffs excite it. So do please tell me, ought I to be in a +lunatic asylum somewhere instead of preparing to go to Europe?" + +Now although Ester laughed again, at the mixture of comic and pathetic +in Abbie's tone, yet something in the words had evidently embarrassed +her. There was a little struggle in her mind, and then she came boldly +forth with her honest thoughts. + +"Well, the strangeness is connected with religious topics in my mind +also; even though I am a professing Christian I do not understand you. +I am an economist in dress, you know, Abbie. I don't care for these +things in the least; but if I had the money as you have, there are a +great many things which I should certainly have. You see there is +no earthly sense in your economy, and yet you hesitate over expenses +almost as much as I do." + +There was a little gleam of mischief in Abbie's eyes as she answered: +"Will you tell me, Ester, why you would take the trouble to get 'these +things' if you do not care for them in the least?" + +"Why because--because--they would be proper and befitting my station +in life." + +"Do I dress in a manner unbecoming to my station in life." + +"No," said Ester promptly, admiring even then the crimson finishings +of her cousin's morning-robe. "But then--Well, Abbie, do you think it +is wicked to like nice things?" + +"No," Abbie answered very gently; "but I think it is wrong to school +ourselves into believing that we do not care for any thing of the +kind; when, in reality, it is a higher, better motive which deters us +from having many things. Forgive me, Ester, but I think you are unjust +sometimes to your better self in this very way." + +Ester gave a little start, and realized for the first time in her +life that, truth-loving girl though she was, she had been practicing +a pretty little deception of this kind, and actually palming it off on +herself. In a moment, however, she returned to the charge. + +"But, Abbie, did Aunt Helen really want you to have that pearl velvet +we saw at Stewart's?" + +"She really did." + +"And you refused it?" + +"And I refused it." + +"Well, is that to be set down as a matter of religion, too?" This +question was asked with very much of Ester's old sharpness of tone. + +Abbie answered her with a look of amazement. "I think we don't +understand each other," she said at length, with the gentlest of +tones. "That dress, Ester, with all its belongings could not have cost +less than seven hundred dollars. Could I, a follower of the meek +and lowly Jesus, living in a world where so many of his poor are +suffering, have been guilty of wearing such a dress as that? My dear, +I don't think you sustain the charge against me thus far. I see +now how these pretty little collar (and, by the way, Ester, you are +crushing one of them against that green box) suggested the thought; +but you surely do not consider it strange, when I have such an array +of collars already, that I did not pay thirty dollars for that bit of +a cobweb which we saw yesterday?" + +"But Aunt Helen wanted you to." + +A sad and troubled look stole over Abbie's face as she answered: "My +mother, remember, dear Ester, does not realize that she is not her +own, but has been bought with a price. You and I know and feel that we +must give an account of our stewardship. Ester, do you see how people +who ask God to help them in every little thing which they have to +decide--in the least expenditure of money--can after that deliberately +fritter it away?" + +"Do you ask God's help in these matters?" + +"Why, certainly--" with the wondering look in her eyes, which Ester +had learned to know and dislike--"'Whatsoever therefore ye do'--you +know." + +"But, Abbie, going out shopping to buy--handkerchiefs, for instance; +that seems to me a very small thing to pray about." + +"Even the purchase of handkerchiefs may involve a question of +conscience, my dear Ester, as you would realize if you had seen the +wicked purchases that I have in that line; and some way I never can +feel that any thing that has to do with me is of less importance than +a tiny sparrow, and yet, you know, He looks after them." + +"Abbie, do you mean to say that in every little thing that you buy you +weigh the subject, and discuss the right and wrong of it?" + +"I certainly do try to find out just exactly what is right, and then +do it; and it seems to me there is no act in this world so small as to +be neither right nor wrong." + +"Then," said Ester, with an impatient twitch of her dress from under +Abbie's rocker, "I don't see the use in being rich." + +"Nobody is rich, Ester, only God; but I'm so glad sometimes that he +has trusted me with so much of his wealth, that I feel like praying +a prayer about that one thing--a thanksgiving. What else am I strange +about, Ester?" + +"Everything," with growing impatience. "I think it was as queer in you +as possible not to go to the concert last evening with Uncle Ralph?" + +"But, Ester, it was prayer-meeting evening." + +"Well, suppose it was. There is prayer-meeting every week, and +there isn't this particular singer very often, and Uncle Ralph was +disappointed. I thought you believed in honoring your parents." + +"You forget, dear Ester, that father said he was particularly anxious +that I should do as I thought right, and that he should not have +purchased the tickets if he had remembered the meeting. Father likes +consistency." + +"Well, that is just the point. I want to know if you call it +inconsistent to leave your prayer meeting for just one evening, no +matter for what reason?" + +Abbie laughed in answer. "Do you know, Ester, you wouldn't make a good +lawyer, you don't stick to the point. It isn't a great many reasons +that might be suggested that we are talking about, it is simply a +concert." Then more gravely--"I try to be very careful about this +matter. So many detentions are constantly occurring in the city, +that unless the line were very closely-drawn I should not get to +prayer-meeting at all. There are occasions, of course, when I must +be detained; but under ordinary circumstances it must be more than a +concert that detains me." + +"I don't believe in making religion such a very solemn matter as that +all amounts to; it has a tendency to drive people away from it." + +The look on Abbie's face, in answer to this testily spoken sentence, +was a mixture of bewilderment and pain. + +"I don't understand"--she said at length--"How is that a solemn +matter? If we really expect to meet our Savior at a prayer-meeting, +isn't it a delightful thought? I am very happy when I can go to the +place of prayer." + +Ester's voice savored decidedly of the one which she was wont to use +in her very worst moods in that long dining-room at home. + +"Of course I should have remembered that Mr. Foster would be at the +prayer-meeting, and not at the concert; that was reason enough for +your enjoyment." + +The rich blood surged in waves over Abbie's face during this rude +address; but she said not a single word in answer. After a little +silence, she spoke in a voice that trembled with feeling. + +"Ester, there is one thought in connection with this subject that +troubles me very much. Do you really think, as you have intimated, +that I am selfish, that I consult my own tastes and desires too much, +and so do injury to the cause. For instance, do you think I prejudiced +my father?" + +What a sweet, humble, even tearful, face it was! And what a question +to ask of Ester! What had developed this disagreeable state of mind +save the confused upbraidings of her hitherto quiet conscience over +the contrast between Cousin Abbie's life and hers. + +Here, in the very face of her theories to the contrary, in very +defiance to her belief in the folly, and fashion, and worldliness that +prevailed in the city, in the very heart of this great city, set down +in the midst of wealth and temptation, had she found this young lady, +daughter of one of the merchant princes, the almost bride of one of +the brightest stars in the New York galaxy on the eve of a brilliant +departure for foreign shores, with a whirl of preparation and +excitement about her enough to dizzy the brain of a dozen ordinary +mortals, yet moving sweetly, brightly, quietly, through it all, and +manifestly finding her highest source of enjoyment in the presence of, +and daily communion with, her Savior. + +All Ester's speculations concerning her had come to naught. She had +planned the wardrobe of the bride, over and over again, for days +before she saw her; and while she had prepared proper little lectures +for her, on the folly and sinfulness of fashionable attire, had yet +delighted in the prospect of the beauty and elegance around her. +How had her prospects been blighted! Beauty there certainly was in +everything, but it was the beauty of simplicity, not at all such +a display of silks and velvets and jewels as Ester had planned. It +certainly could not be wealth which made Abbie's life such a happy +one, for she regulated her expenses with a care and forethought such +as Ester had never even dreamed of. It could not be a life of ease, +a freedom from annoyance, which kept her bright and sparkling, for it +had only taken a week's sojourn in her Aunt Helen's home to discover +to Ester the fact that all wealthy people were not necessarily amiable +and delightful. Abbie was evidently rasped and thwarted in a hundred +little ways, having a hundred little trials which _she_ had never been +called upon to endure. In short, Ester had discovered that the mere +fact of living in a great city was not in itself calculated to make +the Christian race more easy or more pleasant. She had begun to +suspect that it might not even be quite so easy as it was in a quiet +country home; and so one by one all her explanations of Abbie's +peculiar character had become bubbles, and had vanished as bubbles do. +What, then, sustained and guided her cousin? Clearly Ester was shut +up to this one conclusion--it was an ever-abiding, all-pervading +Christian faith and trust. But then had not _she_ this same faith? +And yet could any contrast be greater than was Abbie's life contrasted +with hers? + +There was no use in denying it, no use in lulling and coaxing her +conscience any longer, it had been for one whole week in a new +atmosphere; it had roused itself; it was not thoroughly awake as yet, +but restless and nervous and on the alert--and _would not_ be hushed +back into its lethargic state. + +This it was which made Ester the uncomfortable companion which she +was this morning. She was not willing to be shaken and roused; she +had been saying very unkind, rude things to Abbie, and now, instead +of flouncing off in an uncontrollable fit of indignation, which course +Ester could but think would be the most comfortable thing which could +happen next, so far as she was concerned, Abbie sat still, with that +look of meek inquiry on her face, humbly awaiting her verdict. How +Ester wished she had never asked that last question! How ridiculous it +would make her appear, after all that had been said, to admit that +her cousin's life had been one continual reproach of her own; that +concerning this very matter of the concert, she had heard Uncle Ralph +remark that if all the world matched what they did with what they +said, as well as Abbie did, he was not sure but he might be a +Christian himself. Then suppose she should add that this very pointed +remark had been made to her when they were on their way to the concert +in question. + +Altogether, Ester was disgusted and wished she could get back to where +the conversation commenced, feeling certain now that she would leave a +great many things unsaid. + +I do not know how the conversation would have ended, whether Ester +could have brought herself to the plain truth, and been led on and on +to explain the unrest and dissatisfaction of her own heart, and thus +have saved herself much of the sharp future in store for her; but one +of those unfortunate interruptions which seem to finite eyes to be +constantly occurring, now came to them. There was an unusual bang to +the front door, the sound of strange footsteps in the hall, the +echo of a strange voice floated up to her, and Abbie, with a sudden +flinging of thimble and scissors, and an exclamation of "Ralph has +come," vanished. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +THE LITTLE CARD. + + +Left to herself, Ester found her train of thought so thoroughly +disagreeable that she hastened to rid herself of it, and seized upon +the new comer to afford her a substitute. + +This cousin, whom she had expected to influence for good, had at last +arrived. Ester's interest in him had been very strong ever since +that evening of her arrival, when she had been appealed to to use her +influence on him--just in what way she hadn't an idea. Abbie had never +spoken of it since, and seemed to have lost much of her eager desire +that the cousins should meet. Ester mused about all this now; she +wished she knew just in what way she was expected to be of benefit. +Abbie was evidently troubled about him. Perhaps he was rough and +awkward; school-boys often were, even those born in a city. Very much +of Ralph's life had been spent away from home, she knew; and she had +often heard that boys away from home influences grew rude and coarse +oftentimes. Yes, that was undoubtedly it. Shy, too, he was of course; +he was of about the age to be that. She could imagine just how he +looked--he felt out of place in the grand mansion which he called +home, but where he had passed so small a portion of his time. Probably +he didn't know what to do with his hands, nor his feet; and just +as likely as not he sat on the edge of his chair and ate with his +knife--school was a horrid place for picking up all sorts of ill +manners. Of course all these things must annoy Abbie very much, +especially at this time when he must necessarily come so often in +contact with that perfection of gentlemanliness, Mr. Foster. "I wish," +thought Ester at this point, growing a little anxious, "I wish there +was more than a week before the wedding; however I'll do my best. +Abbie shall see I'm good for something. Although I do differ with her +somewhat in her peculiar views, I believe I know how to conduct myself +with ease, in almost any position, if I have been brought up in the +country." And by the time the lunch-bell rang a girl more thoroughly +satisfied with herself and her benevolent intentions, than was this +same Ester, could hardly have been found. She stood before the glass +smoothing the shining bands of hair, preparatory to tying a blue satin +ribbon over them, when Abbie fluttered in. + +"Forgive me, a great many times, for rushing off in the flutter I did, +and leaving you behind, and staying away so long. You see I haven't +seen Ralph in quite a little time, and I forgot everything else. Your +hair doesn't need another bit of brushing, Ester, it's as smooth as +velvet; they are all waiting for us in the dining-room, and I want to +show you to Ralph." And before the blue satin ribbon was tied quite to +her satisfaction, Ester was hurried to the dining-room, to take up her +new role of guide and general assistant to the awkward youth. + +"I suppose he hasn't an idea what to say to me," was her last +compassionate thought, as Abbie's hand rested on the knob. "I hope he +won't be hopelessly quiet, but I'll manage in some way." + +At first he was nowhere to be seen; but as Abbie said eagerly: +"Ralph, here is Cousin Ester!" the door swung back into its place, +and revealed a tall, well-proportioned young man, with a full-bearded +face, and the brightest of dancing eyes. He came forward immediately, +extending both hands, and speaking in a rapid voice. + +"Long-hoped-for come at last! I don't refer to myself, you understand, +but to this much-waited-for, eagerly-looked-forward-to prospect of +greeting my Cousin Ester. Ought I to welcome you, or you me--which +is it? I'm somewhat bewildered as to proprieties. This fearfully near +approach to a wedding has confused my brain. Sis"--turning suddenly +to Abbie--"Have you prepared Ester for her fate? Does she fully +understand that she and I are to officiate? that is, if we don't +evaporate before the eventful day. Sis, how could you have the +conscience to perpetrate a wedding in August? Whatever takes Foster +abroad just now, any way?" And without waiting for answer to his +ceaseless questions he ran gaily on. + +Clearly whatever might be his shortcomings, inability to talk was +_not_ one of them. And Ester, confused, bewildered, utterly thrown out +of her prepared part in the entertainment, was more silent and awkward +than she had ever known herself to be; provoked, too, with Abbie, with +Ralph, with herself. "How _could_ I have been such a simpleton?" +she asked herself as seated opposite her cousin at table she had +opportunity to watch the handsome face, with its changeful play of +expression, and note the air of pleased attention with which even her +Uncle Ralph listened to his ceaseless flow of words. "I knew he was +older than Abbie, and that this was his third year in college. What +could I have expected from Uncle Ralph's son? A pretty dunce he must +think me, blushing and stammering like an awkward country girl. What +on earth could Abbie mean about needing my help for him, and being +troubled about him. It is some of her ridiculous fanatical nonsense, I +suppose. I wish she could ever talk or act like anybody else." + +"I don't know that such is the case, however," Ralph was saying, when +Ester returned from this rehearsal of her own thoughts. "I can simply +guess at it, which is as near an approach to an exertion as a fellow +ought to be obliged to make in this weather. John, you may fill my +glass if you please. Father, this is even better wine than your cellar +usually affords, and that is saying a great deal. Sis, has Foster made +a temperance man of you entirely; I see you are devoted to ice water?" + +"Oh, certainly," Mrs. Ried answered for her, in the half contemptuous +tone she was wont to assume on such occasions. "I warn you, Ralph, to +get all the enjoyment you can out of the present, for Abbie intends to +keep you with her entirely after she has a home of her own--out of the +reach of temptation." + +Ester glanced hurriedly and anxiously toward her cousin. How did this +pet scheme of hers become known to Mrs. Ried, and how could Abbie +possibly retain her habitual self-control under this sarcastic +ridicule, which was so apparent in her mother's voice? + +The pink on her cheek did deepen perceptibly, but she answered with +the most perfect good humor: "Ralph, don't be frightened, please. I +shall let you out once in a long while if you are very good." + +Ralph bent loving eyes on the young, sweet face, and made prompt +reply: "I don't know that I shall care for even that reprieve, since +you're to be jailer." + +What could there be in this young man to cause anxiety, or to wish +changed? Yet even while Ester queried, he passed his glass for a third +filling, and taking note just then of Abbie's quick, pained look, then +downcast eyes, and deeply flushing face, the knowledge came suddenly +that in that wine-glass the mischief lay. Abbie thought him in danger, +and this was the meaning of her unfinished sentence on that first +evening, and her embarrassed silence since; for Ester, with her filled +glass always beside her plate, untouched indeed sometimes, but oftener +sipped from in response to her uncle's invitation, was not the one +from whom help could be expected in this matter. And Ester wondered if +the handsome face opposite her could really be in absolute danger, or +whether this was another of Abbie's whims--at least it wasn't pleasant +to be drinking wine before him, and she left her glass untouched that +day, and felt thoroughly troubled about that and everything. + +The next morning there was a shopping excursion, and Ralph was +smuggled in as an attendant. Abbie turned over the endless sets of +handkerchiefs in bewildering indecision. + +"Take this box; do, Abbie," Ester urged. "This monogram in the corner +is lovely, and that is the dearest little sprig in the world." + +"Which is precisely what troubles me," laughed Abbie. "It is +entirely too dear. Think of paying such an enormous sum for just +handkerchiefs!" + +Ralph, who was lounging near her, trying hard not to look bored, +elevated his eyebrows as his ear caught the sentence, and addressed +her in undertone: "Is Foster hard up? If he is, you are not on his +hands yet, Sis; and I'm inclined to think father is good for all the +finery you may happen to fancy." + +"That only shows your ignorance of the subject or your high opinion +of me. I assure you were I so disposed I could bring father's affairs +into a fearful tangle this very day, just by indulging a fancy for +finery." + +"Are his affairs precarious, Abbie, or is finery prodigious?" + +Abbie laid her hand on a square of cobwebby lace. "That is +seventy-five dollars, Ralph." + +"What of that? Do you want it?" And Ralph's hand was in his pocket. + +Abbie turned with almost a shiver from the counter. "I hope not, +Ralph," she said with sudden energy. "I hope I may never be so +unworthy of my trust as to make such a wicked use of money." Then +more lightly, "You are worse than Queen Ester here, and her advice is +bewildering enough." + +"But, Abbie, how can you be so absurd," said that young lady, +returning to the charge. "Those are not very expensive, I am sure, +at least not for you; and you certainly want some very nice ones. I'm +sure if I had one-third of your spending money I shouldn't need to +hesitate." + +Abbie's voice was very low and sweet, and reached only her cousin's +ear. "Ester, 'the silver and the gold are _His_,' and I have asked Him +this very morning to help me in every little item to be careful of +His trust. Now do you think--" But Ester had turned away in a vexed +uncomfortable state of mind, and walked quite to the other end of the +store, leaving Abbie to complete her purchases as she might see fit. +She leaned against the door, tapping her fingers in a very softly, but +very nervous manner against the glass. How queer it was that in the +smallest matters she and Abbie could not agree? How was it possible +that the same set of rules could govern them both? And the old +ever-recurring question came up to be thought over afresh. Clearly +they were unlike--utterly unlike. Now was Abbie right and she wrong? +or was Abbie--no, not wrong, the word would certainly not apply; there +absolutely _could_ be no wrong connected with Abbie's way. Well, then, +queer!--unlike other people, unnecessarily precise--studying the right +and wrong of matters, which she had been wont to suppose had no moral +bearing of any sort, rather which she had never given any attention +to? While she waited and queried, her eye caught a neat little +card-receiver hanging near her, apparently filled with cards, and +bearing in gilt lettering, just above them, the winning words: "FREE +TO ALL. TAKE ONE." This was certainly a kindly invitation; and Ester's +curiosity being aroused as to what all this might be for, she availed +herself of the invitation, and drew with dainty fingers a small, neat +card from the case, and read: + +I SOLEMNLY AGREE, + +_As God Shall Help Me_: + +1. To observe regular seasons of secret prayer, it least in the +morning and evening of each day. + +2. To read daily at least a small portion of the Bible. + +3. To attend at one or more prayer-meetings every week, if I have +strength to get there. + +4. To stand up for Jesus always and everywhere. + +5. To try to save at least one soul each year. + +6. To engage in no amusement where my Savior could not be a guest. + +Had the small bit of card-board been a coal of fire it could not have +been more suddenly dropped upon the marble before her than was this, +as Ester's startled eyes took in its meaning. Who could have written +those sentences? and to be placed there in a conspicuous corner of a +fashionable store? Was she never to be at peace again? Had the world +gone wild? Was this an emanation from Cousin Abbie's brain, or were +there many more Cousin Abbies in what she had supposed was a wicked +city, or--oh painful question, which came back hourly nowadays, and +seemed fairly to chill her blood--was this religion, and had she none +of it? Was her profession a mockery, her life a miserably acted lie? + +"Is that thing hot?" It was Ralph's amused voice which asked this +question close beside her. + +"What? Where?" And Ester turned in dire confusion. + +"Why that bit of paper--or is it a ghostly communication from the +world of spirits? You look startled enough for me to suppose anything, +and it spun away from your grasp very suddenly. Oh," he added, as he +glanced it through, "rather ghostly, I must confess, or would be if +one were inclined that way; but I imagined your nerves were stronger. +Did the pronoun startle you?" + +"How?" + +"Why I thought perhaps you considered yourself committed to all this +solemnity before your time, or willy-nilly, as the children say. What +a comical idea to hang one's self up in a store in this fashion. I +must have one of these. Are you going to keep yours?" And as he spoke +he reached forward and possessed himself of one of the cards. "Rather +odd things to be found in our possession, wouldn't they be? Abbie now +would be just one of this sort." + +That cold shiver trembled again through Ester's frame as she listened. +Clearly he did not reckon her one of "that sort." He had known her but +one day, and yet he seemed positive that she stood on an equal footing +with himself. Oh why was it? How did he know? Was her manner then +utterly unlike that of a Christian, so much so that this young man +saw it already, or was it that glass of wine from which she had sipped +last evening?--and at this moment she would have given much to be back +where she thought herself two weeks ago, on the wine question; but she +stood silent and let him talk on, not once attempting to define her +position--partly because there had crept into her mind this fearful +doubt, unaccompanied by the prayer: + + "If I've never loved before, + Help me to begin to-day"-- + +and partly, oh poor Ester, because she was utterly unused to +confessing her Savior; and though not exactly ashamed of him, at least +she would have indignantly denied the charge, yet it was much less +confusing to keep silence, and let others think as they would--this +had been her rule, she followed it now, and Ralph continued: + +"Queer world this? Isn't it? How do you imagine our army would have +prospered if one-fourth of the soldiers had been detailed for the +purpose of coaxing the rest to follow their leader and obey orders? +That's what it seems to me the so-called Christian world is up to. +Does the comical side of it ever strike you, Ester? Positively I can +hardly keep from laughing now and then to hear the way in which Dr. +Downing pitches into his church members, and they sit and take it as +meekly as lambs brought to the slaughter. It does them about as much +good, apparently, as it does me--no not so much, for it amuses me, and +serves to make me good-natured, on good terms with myself for half an +hour or so. I'm so thoroughly rejoiced, you see, to think that I don't +belong to that set of miserable sinners." + +"Dr. Downing does preach very sharp, harsh sermons," Ester said +at last, feeling the necessity of saying something. "I have often +wondered at it. I think them calculated to do more harm than good." + +"Oh _I_ don't wonder at it in the least. I'd make it sharper yet if I +were he; the necessity exists evidently. The wonder lies in _that_ to +my mind. If a fellow really means to do a thing, what does he wait to +be punched up about it everlastingly for? Hang me, if I don't like +to see people act as though they meant it, even if the question is a +religious one. Ester, how many times ought I to beg your pardon for +using an unknown tongue--in other words, slang phrases? I fancied +myself talking to my chum, delivering a lecture on theology, which is +somewhat out of my sphere, as you have doubtless observed. Yet such +people as you and I can't help having eyes and ears, and using them +now and then, can we?" + +Still silence on Ester's part, so far as defining her position was +concerned. She was not ashamed of her Savior now, but of herself. If +this gay cousin's eyes were critical she knew she could not bear the +test. Yet she rallied sufficiently to condemn within her own mind the +poor little cards. + +"They will do more harm than good," she told herself positively. To +such young men as Ralph, for instance, what could he possibly want +with one of them, save to make it a subject of ridicule when he got +with some of his wild companions. But it transpired that his designs +were not so very wicked after all; for as they left the store he took +the little card from his pocket, and handed it to Abbie with a quiet: +"Sis, here is something that you will like." + +And Abbie read it and said: "How solemn that is. Did you get it for +me, Ralph? Thank you." And Ralph bowed and smiled on her, a kind, +almost tender smile, very unlike the roguish twinkle that had shone in +his eyes while he talked with Ester. + +All through the busy day that silent, solemn card haunted Ester. +It pertinaciously refused to be lost. She dropped it twice in their +transit from store to store, but Ralph promptly returned it to her. +At home she laid it on her dressing-table, but piled scarfs and +handkerchiefs and gloves over it as high as she might, it was sure to +flutter to the floor at her feet, as she sought hurriedly in the mass +of confusion for some missing article. Once she seized and flung it +from the window in dire vexation, and was rewarded by having Maggie +present it to her about two minutes thereafter, as a "something that +landed square on my head, ma'am, as I was coming around the corner." +At last she actually grew nervous over it, felt almost afraid to touch +it, so thoroughly had it fastened itself on her conscience. These +great black letters in that first sentence seemed burned into her +brain: "I solemnly agree, as God shall help me." + +At last she deposited the unwelcome little monitor at the very bottom +of her collar-box, under some unused collars, telling herself that it +was for safe keeping, that she might not lose it again; not letting +her conscience say for a moment that it was because she wanted to bury +the haunting words out of her sight. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? + + +Ester stood before her mirror, arranging some disordered braids of +hair. She had come up from the dining-room for that purpose. It was +just after dinner. The family, with the addition of Mr. Foster, were +gathered in the back parlor, whither she was in haste to join them. + +"How things do conspire to hinder me!" she exclaimed impatiently +as one loose hair-pin after another slid softly and silently out of +place. "This horrid ribbon doesn't shade with the trimming on my dress +either. I wonder what can have become of that blue one?" With a jerk +Sadie's "finery-box" was produced, and the contents tumbled over. The +methodical and orderly Ester was in nervous haste to get down to +that fascinating family group; but the blue ribbon, with the total +depravity of all ribbons, remained a silent and indifferent spectator +of her trials, snugged back in the corner of a half open drawer. Ester +had set her heart on finding it, and the green collar-box came next +under inspection, and being impatiently shoved back toward its corner +when the quest proved vain, took that opportunity for tumbling over +the floor and showering its contents right and left. + +"What next, I wonder?" Ester muttered, as she stooped to scoop up the +disordered mass of collars, ruffles, cuffs, laces, and the like, and +with them came, face up, and bright, black letters, scorching into her +very soul, the little card with its: "I solemnly agree, as God shall +help me." Ester paused in her work, and stood upright with a strange +beating at her heart. What _did_ this mean? Was it merely chance that +this sentence had so persistently met her eye all this day, put the +card where she would? And what was the matter with her anyway? Why +should those words have such strange power over her? why had she tried +to rid herself of the sight of them? She read each sentence aloud +slowly and carefully. "Now," she said decisively, half irritated that +she was allowing herself to be hindered, "it is time to put an end to +this nonsense. I am sick and tired of feeling as I have of late--these +are all very reasonable and proper pledges, at least the most of them +are. I believe I'll adopt this card. Yes, I will--that is what has +been the trouble with me. I've neglected my duty--rather I have +so much care and work at home, that I haven't time to attend to it +properly--but here it is different. It is quite time I commenced right +in these things. To-night, when I come to my room, I will begin. No, +I can not do that either, for Abbie will be with me. Well, the first +opportunity then that I have--or no--I'll stop now, this minute, +and read a chapter in the Bible and pray; there is nothing like the +present moment for keeping a good resolution. I like decision in +everything--and, I dare say, Abbie will be very willing to have a +quiet talk with Mr. Foster before I come down." + +And sincerely desirous to be at peace with her newly troubled +conscience--and sincerely sure that she was in the right way for +securing that peace--Ester closed and locked her door, and sat herself +down by the open window in a thoroughly self-satisfied state of mind, +to read the Bible and to pray. + +Poor human heart, so utterly unconscious of its own deep sickness--so +willing to plaster over the unhealed wound! Where should she read? She +was at all times a random reader of the Bible; but now with this new +era it was important that there should be a more definite aim in her +reading. She turned the leaves rapidly, eager to find a book which +looked inviting for the occasion, and finally seized upon the +Gospel of John as entirely proper and appropriate, and industriously +commenced: "'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, +and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God.' Now +that wretched hair-pin is falling out again, as sure as I live; I +don't see what is the matter with my hair to-day. I never had so much +trouble with it--'All things were made by him; and without him was +not anything made that was made. In him was life: and the life was the +light of men.'--There are Mr. and Miss Hastings. I wonder if they are +going to call here? I wish they would. I should like to get a nearer +view of that trimming around her sack; it is lovely whatever it +is.--'And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended +it not.'" Now it was doubtful if it had once occurred to Ester +who this glorious "Word" was, or that He had aught to do with her. +Certainly the wonderful and gracious truths embodied in these precious +verses, truths which had to do with every hour of her life, had not +this evening so much as made an entrance into her busy brain; and +yet she actually thought herself in the way of getting rid of the +troublesome thoughts that had haunted her the days just past. The +verses were being read aloud, the thoughts about the troublesome +hair and the trimmings on Miss Hastings' sack were suffered to remain +thoughts, not to put into words--had they been perhaps even Ester +would have noticed the glaring incongruity. As it was she continued +her two occupations, reading the verses, thinking the thoughts, until +at last she came to a sudden pause, and silence reigned in the room +for several minutes; then there flushed over Ester's face a sudden +glow, as she realized that she sat, Bible in hand, one corner of the +solemnly-worded card marking the verse at which she had paused, and +that verse was: "He came unto his own, and his own received him +not." And she realized that her thoughts during the silence had been: +"Suppose Miss Hastings should call and should inquire for her, and she +should go with Aunt Helen to return the call, should she wear mother's +black lace shawl with her blue silk dress, or simply the little +ruffled cape which matched the dress! She read that last verse over +again, with an uncomfortable consciousness that she was not getting on +very well; but try as she would, Ester's thoughts seemed resolved not +to stay with that first chapter of John--they roved all over New York, +visited all the places that she had seen, and a great many that she +wanted to see, and that seemed beyond her grasp, going on meantime +with the verses, and keeping up a disagreeable undercurrent of +disgust. Over those same restless thoughts there came a tap at the +door, and Maggie's voice outside. + +"Miss Ried, Miss Abbie sent me to say that there was company waiting +to see you, and if you please would you come down as soon as you +could?" + +Ester sprang up. "Very well," she responded to Maggie. "I'll be down +immediately." + +Then she waited to shut the card into her Bible to keep the place, +took a parting peep in the mirror to see that the brown hair and blue +ribbon were in order, wondered if it were really the Hastings who +called on her, unlocked her door, and made a rapid passage down the +stairs--most unpleasantly conscious, however, at that very moment that +her intentions of setting herself right had not been carried out, and +also that so far as she had gone it had been a failure. Truly, after +the lapse of so many years, the light was still shining in darkness. + +In the parlor, after the other company had departed, Ester found +herself the sole companion of Mr. Foster at the further end of the +long room. Abbie, half sitting, half kneeling on an ottoman near her +father, seemed to be engaged in a very earnest conversation with him, +in which her mother occasionally joined, and at which Ralph appeared +occasionally to laugh; but what was the subject of debate they at +their distance were unable to determine, and at last Mr. Foster turned +to his nearest neighbor. + +"And so, Miss Ester, you manufactured me into a minister at our first +meeting?" + +In view of their nearness to cousinship the ceremony of surname had +been promptly discarded by Mr. Foster, but Ester was unable to recover +from a sort of awe with which he had at first inspired her, and this +opening sentence appeared to be a confusing one, for she flushed +deeply and only bowed her answer. + +"I don't know but it is a most unworthy curiosity on my part," +continued Mr. Foster, "but I have an overwhelming desire to know +why--or, rather, to know in what respect, I am ministerial. Won't you +enlighten me, Miss Ester?" + +"Why," said Ester, growing still more confused, "I thought--I +said--I--No, I mean I heard your talk with that queer old woman, +some of it; and some things that you said made me think you must be a +minister." + +"What things, Miss Ester?" + +"Everything," said Ester desperately. "You talked, you know, +about--about religion nearly all the time." + +A look of absolute pain rested for a moment on Mr. Foster's face, as +he said: "Is it possible that your experience with Christian men has +been so unfortunate that you believe none but ministers ever converse +on that subject?" + +"I never hear any," Ester answered positively. + +"But your example as a Christian lady, I trust, is such that it puts +to shame your experience among gentlemen?" + +"Oh but," said Ester, still in great confusion, "I didn't mean to +confine my statement to gentlemen. I never hear anything of the sort +from ladies." + +"Not from that dear old friend of ours on the cars?" + +"Oh yes; she was different from other people too. I thought she had a +very queer way of speaking; but then she was old and ignorant. I don't +suppose she knew how to talk about any thing else, and she is my one +exception." + +Mr. Foster glanced in the direction of the golden brown head that was +still in eager debate at the other end of the room, before he asked +his next question. "How is it with your cousin?" + +"Oh she!" said Ester, brought suddenly and painfully back to all her +troublesome thoughts--and then, after a moment's hesitation, taking +a quick resolution to probe this matter to its foundation, if it had +one. "Mr. Foster, don't you think she is _very_ peculiar?" + +At which question Mr. Foster laughed, then answered good humoredly: +"Do you think me a competent witness in that matter?" + +"Yes," Ester answered gravely, too thoroughly in earnest to be amused +now; "she is entirely different from any person that I ever saw in +my life. She don't seem to think about any thing else--at least she +thinks more about this matter than any other." + +"And that is being peculiar?" + +"Why I think so--unnatural, I mean--unlike other people." + +"Well, let us see. Do you call it being peculiarly good or peculiarly +bad?" + +"Why," said Ester in great perplexity, "it isn't _bad_ of course. +But she--no, she is very good, the best person I ever knew; but it is +being like nobody else, and nobody _can_ be like her. Don't you think +so?" + +"I certainly do," he answered with the utmost gravity, and then he +laughed again; but presently noting her perplexed look, he grew sober, +and spoke with quiet gravity. "I think I understand you, Miss Ester. +If you mean, Do I not think Abbie has attained to a rare growth in +spirituality for one of her age, I most certainly do; but if you mean, +Do I not think it almost impossible for people in general to reach as +high a foothold on the rock as she has gained, I certainly do not. +I believe it is within the power, and not only that, but it is the +blessed privilege, and not only that, but it is the sacred duty of +every follower of the cross to cling as close and climb as high as she +has." + +"_I_ don't think so," Ester said, with a decided shake of the head. +"It is much easier for some people to be good Christians than it is +for others." + +"Granted--that is, there is a difference of temperament certainly. But +do you rank Abbie among those for whom it was naturally easy?" + +"I think so." + +This time Mr. Foster's head was very gravely shaken. "If you had known +her when I did you would not think so. It was very hard for her +to yield. Her natural temperament, her former life, her circle of +friends, her home influences were all against her, and yet Christ +triumphed." + +"Yes, but having once decided the matter, it is smooth sailing with +her now." + +"Do you think so? Has Abbie no trials to meet, no battles with Satan +to fight, so far as you can discover?" + +"Only trifles," said Ester, thinking of Aunt Helen and Ralph, +but deciding that Abbie had luxuries enough to offset both these +anxieties. + +"I believe you will find that it needs precisely the same help to +meet trifles that it does to conquer mountains of difficulty. The +difference is in degree not in kind. But I happen to know that some of +Abbie's 'trifles' have been very heavy and hard to bear. However, the +matter rests just here, Miss Ester. I believe we are all too willing +to be conquered, too willing to be martyrs, not willing to reach after +and obtain the settled and ever-growing joys of the Christian." + +Ester was thoroughly ill at ease; all this condemned her--and at last, +resolved to escape from this net work of her awakening conscience, she +pushed boldly on. "People have different views on this subject as well +as on all others. Now Abbie and I do not agree in our opinions. There +are things which she thinks right that seem to me quite out of place +and improper." + +"Yes," he said inquiringly, and with the most quiet and courteous air; +"would you object to mentioning some of those things?" + +"Well, as an instance, it seemed to me very queer indeed to hear her +and other young ladies speaking in your teachers' prayer-meeting. I +never heard of such a thing, at least not among cultivated people." + +"And you thought it improper?" + +"Almost--yes, quite--perhaps. At least _I_ should never do it." + +"Were you at Mrs. Burton's on the evening in which our society met?" + +This, to Ester's surprise, was her companion's next +very-wide-of-the-mark question. She opened her eyes inquiringly; then +concluding that he was absent-minded, or else had no reply to make, +and was weary of the subject, answered simply and briefly in the +affirmative. + +"I was detained that night. Were there many out?" + +"Quite a full society Abbie said. The rooms were almost crowded." + +"Pleasant?" + +"Oh very. I hardly wished to go as they were strangers to me; but I +was very happily disappointed, and enjoyed the evening exceedingly." + +"Were there reports?" + +"Very full ones, and Mrs. Burton was particularly interesting. She +had forgotten her notes, but gave her reports from memory very +beautifully." + +"Ah, I am sorry for that. It must have destroyed the pleasure of the +evening for you." + +"I don't understand, Mr. Foster." + +"Why you remarked that you considered it improper for ladies to take +part in such matters: and of course what is an impropriety you can not +have enjoyed." + +"Oh that is a very different matter. It was not a prayer-meeting." + +"I beg pardon. I did not understand. It is only at prayer-meetings +that it is improper for ladies to speak. May I ask why?" + +Ester was growing vexed. "Mr. Foster," she said sharply, "you know +that it is quite another thing. There are gentlemen enough present, or +ought to be, to do the talking in a prayer-meeting." + +"There is generally a large proportion of gentlemen at the society. +I presume there were those present capable of giving Mrs. Burton's +report." + +"Well _I_ consider a society a very different thing from a gathering +in a church." + +"Ah, then it's the church that is at fault. If that is the case, I +should propose holding prayer meetings in private parlors. Would that +obviate your difficulty?" + +"No," said Ester sharply, "not if there were gentlemen present. It is +their business to conduct a religious meeting." + +"Then, after all, it is religion that is at the foundation of this +trouble. Pray, Miss Ester, was Mrs. Burton's report irreligious?" + +"Mr. Foster," said Ester, with flushing cheeks, and in a whirl of +vexation, "_don't_ you understand me?" + +"I think I do, Miss Ester. The question is, do you understand +yourself? Let me state the case. You are decidedly not a woman's +rights lady. I am decidedly not a woman's rights gentleman--that +is, in the general acceptation of that term. You would think, for +instance, that Abbie was out of her sphere in the pulpit or pleading a +case at the bar. So should I. In fact, there are many public places +in which you and I, for what we consider good and sufficient reasons, +would not like to see her. But, on the other hand, we both enjoy Mrs. +Burton's reports, either verbal or written, as she may choose. We, in +company with many other ladies and gentlemen, listen respectfully; +we both greatly enjoy hearing Miss Ames sing; we both consider +it perfectly proper that she should so entertain us at our social +gatherings. At our literary society we have both enjoyed to the utmost +Miss Hanley's exquisite recitation from 'Kathrina.' I am sure not a +thought of impropriety occurred to either of us. We both enjoyed the +familiar talk on the subject for the evening, after the society proper +had adjourned. So the question resolves itself into this: It seems +that it is pleasant and proper for fifty or more of us to hear Mrs. +Burton's report in Mrs. Burton's parlor--to hear ladies sing--to hear +ladies recite in their own parlors, or in those of their friends--to +converse familiarly on any sensible topic; but the moment the very +same company are gathered in our chapel, and Mrs. Burton says, 'Pray +for my class,' and Miss Ames says, 'I love Jesus,' and Miss Hanley +says, 'The Lord is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever,' +it becomes improper. Will you pardon my obtuseness and explain to me +the wherefore?" + +But Ester was not in a mood to explain, if indeed she had aught to +say, and she only answered with great decision and emphasis: "_I_ have +never been accustomed to it." + +"No! I think you told me that you were unaccustomed to hearing +poetical recitations from young ladies. Does that condemn them?" + +To which question Ester made no sort of answer, but sat looking +confused, ashamed and annoyed all in one. Her companion roused himself +from his half reclining attitude on the sofa, and gave her the benefit +of a very searching look; then he came to an erect posture and spoke +with entire change of tone. + +"Miss Ester, forgive me if I have seemed severe in my questionings and +sarcastic in my replies. I am afraid I have. The subject is one which +awakens sarcasm in me. It is so persistently twisted and befogged and +misunderstood, some of the very best people seem inclined to make our +prayer-meetings into formidable church-meetings, for the purpose of +hearing a succession of not _very_ short sermons, rather than a social +gathering of Christians, to sympathize with, and pray for and help +each other, as I believe the Master intended them to be. But may I say +a word to you personally? Are you quite happy as a Christian? Do you +find your love growing stronger and your hopes brighter from day to +day?" + +Ester struggled with herself, tore bits of down from the edge of her +fan, tried to regain her composure and her voice, but the tender, +gentle, yet searching tone, seemed to have probed her very soul--and +the eyes that at last were raised to meet his were melting into +tears, and the voice which answered him quivered perceptibly. "No, Mr. +Foster, I am not happy." + +"Why? May I ask you? Is the Savior untrue to his promises, or is his +professed servant untrue to him?" + +Ester's heart was giving heavy throbs of pain, and her conscience was +whispering loudly, "untrue," "untrue;" but she had made no answer, +when Ralph came with brisk step toward where they sat. + +"Two against one isn't fair play," he said, with a mixture of mischief +and vexation in his tone. "Foster, don't shirk; you have taught Abbie, +now go and help her fight it out like a man. Come, take yourself over +there and get her out of this scrape. I'll take care of Ester; she +looks as though she had been to camp-meeting." + +And Mr. Foster, with a wondering look for Ralph and a troubled one +for Ester, moved slowly toward that end of the long parlor where the +voices were growing louder, and one of them excited. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +A VICTORY. + + +"This is really the most absurd of all your late absurdities," Mrs. +Ried was saying, in rather a loud tone, and with a look of dignified +disgust bestowed upon Abbie, as Mr. Foster joined the group. + +"Will you receive me into this circle, and enlighten me as regards +this particular absurdity," he said, seating himself near Mrs. Ried. + +"Oh it was nothing remarkable," that lady replied in her most +sarcastic tone. "At least it is quite time we were growing accustomed +to this new order of things. Abbie is trying to enlighten her father +on the new and interesting question of temperance, especially as it +is connected with wedding parties, in which she is particularly +interested just at present." + +Abbie bestowed an appealing glance on Mr. Foster, and remained +entirely silent. + +"I believe I can claim equal interest then in the matter," he answered +brightly. "And will petition you, Mrs. Ried, to explain the point at +issue." + +"Indeed, Mr. Foster, I'm not a temperance lecturer, and do not +consider myself competent to perform the awful task. I refer you +to Abbie, who seems to be thoroughly posted, and very desirous of +displaying her argumentative powers." + +Still silence on Abbie's part, and only a little tremble of the +lip told a close observer how deeply she felt the sharp tones and +unmotherly words. Mrs. Ried spoke at last, in calm, measured accents. + +"My daughter and I, Mr. Foster, differ somewhat in regard to the +duties and privileges of a host. I claim the right to set before my +guests whatever _I_ consider proper. She objects to the use of wine, +as, perhaps, you are aware. Indeed, I believe she has imbibed her very +peculiar views from you; but I say to her that as I have always been +in the habit of entertaining my guests with that beverage, I presume I +shall continue to do so." + +Mr. Foster did not seem in the mood to argue the question, but +responded with genial good humor. "Ah but, Mrs. Ried, you ought to +gratify your daughter in her parting request. That is only natural and +courteous, is it not?" + +Mrs. Ried felt called upon to reply. "We have gratified so many of +her requests already that the whole thing bids fair to be the most +ridiculous proceeding that New York has ever witnessed. Fancy a dozen +rough boys banging and shouting through my house, eating cake enough +to make them sick for a month, to say nothing of the quantity which +they will stamp into my carpets, and all because they chance to belong +to Abbie's mission class!" + +Ralph and Ester had joined the group in the meantime, and the former +here interposed. + +"That last argument isn't valid, mother. Haven't I promised to hoe +out the rooms myself, immediately after the conclusion of the solemn +services?" + +And Mr. Foster bestowed a sudden troubled look on Abbie, which she +answered by saying in a low voice, "I should recall my invitations to +them under such circumstances." + +"You will do no such thing," her father replied sharply. "The +invitations are issued in your parents' names, and we shall have no +such senseless proceedings connected with them When you are in your +own house you will doubtless be at liberty to do as you please; but +in the meantime it would be well to remember that you belong to your +father's family at present." + +Ralph was watching the flushing cheek and quivering lip of his young +sister, and at this point flung down the book with which he had been +idly playing, with an impatient exclamation: "It strikes me, father, +that you are making a tremendous din about a little matter. I don't +object to a glass of wine myself, almost under any circumstances, and +I think this excruciating sensitiveness on the subject is absurd and +ridiculous, and all that sort of thing; but at the same time I should +be willing to undertake the job of smashing every wine bottle there is +in the cellar at this moment, if I thought that Sis' last hours in +the body, or at least in the paternal mansion, would be made any more +peaceful thereby." + +During this harangue the elder Mr. Ried had time to grow ashamed of +his sharpness, and answered in his natural tone. "I am precisely +of your opinion, my son. We are making 'much ado about nothing.' We +certainly have often entertained company before, and Abbie has sipped +her wine with the rest of us without sustaining very material injury +thereby, so far as I can see. And here is Ester, as stanch a church +member as any of you, I believe, but that doesn't seem to forbid her +behaving in a rational manner, and partaking of whatever her friends +provide for her entertainment. Why can not the rest of you be equally +sensible?" + +During the swift second of time which intervened between that sentence +and her reply Ester had three hard things to endure--a sting from +her restless conscience, a look of mingled pain and anxiety from Mr. +Foster, and one of open-eyed and mischievous surprise from Ralph. Then +she spoke rapidly and earnestly. "Indeed, Uncle Ralph, I beg you will +not judge of any other person by my conduct in this matter. I am very +sorry, and very much ashamed that I have been so weak and wicked. +I think just as Abbie does, only I am not like her, and have been +tempted to do wrong, for fear you would think me foolish." + +No one but Ester knew how much these sentences cost her; but the +swift, bright look telegraphed her from Abbie's eyes seemed to repay +her. + +Ralph laughed outright. "Four against one," he said gaily. "I've gone +over to the enemy's side myself, you see, on account of the pressure. +Father, I advise you to yield while you can do it gracefully, and also +to save me the trouble of smashing the aforesaid bottles." + +"But," persisted Mr. Ried, "I haven't heard an argument this evening. +What is there so shocking in a quiet glass of wine enjoyed with a +select gathering of one's friends?" + +John now presented himself at the door with a respectful, "If you +please, sir, there is a person in the hall who persists in seeing Mr. +Foster." + +"Show him in, then," was Mr. Ried's prompt reply. + +John hesitated, and then added: "He is a very common looking person, +sir, and--" + +"I said show him in, I believe," interrupted the gentleman of the +house, in a tone which plainly indicated that he was expending on John +the irritation which he did not like to bestow further, on either his +children or his guests. + +John vanished, and Mr. Ried added: "You can take your _friend_ into +the library, Mr. Foster, if it proves to be a private matter." + +There was a marked emphasis on the word _friend_ in this sentence; but +Mr. Foster only bowed his reply, and presently John returned, ushering +in a short, stout man, dressed in a rough working suit, twirling his +hat in his hand, and looking extremely embarrassed and out of place in +the elegant parlor. Mr. Foster turned toward him immediately, and gave +him a greeting both prompt and cordial. "Ah, Mr. Jones, good evening. +I have been in search of you today, but some way managed to miss you." + +At this point Abbie advanced and placed a small white hand in Mr. +Jones' great hard brown one, as she repeated the friendly greeting, +and inquired at once: "How is Sallie, to-night, Mr. Jones?" + +"Well, ma'am, it is about her that I'm come, and I beg your pardon, +sir (turning to Mr. Foster), for making so bold as to come up here +after you; but she is just that bad to-night that I could not find it +in me to deny her any thing, and she is in a real taking to see you. +She has sighed and cried about it most of this day, and to-night we +felt, her mother and me, that we couldn't stand it any longer, and +I said I'd not come home till I found you and told you how much she +wanted to see you. It's asking a good deal, sir, but she is going +fast, she is; and--" Here Mr. Jones' voice choked, and he rubbed his +hard hand across his eyes. + +"I will be down immediately," was Mr. Foster's prompt reply. +"Certainly you should have come for me. I should have been very sorry +indeed to disappoint Sallie. Tell her I will be there in half an hour, +Mr. Jones." + +And with a few added words of kindness from Abbie, Mr. Jones departed, +looking relieved and thankful. + +"That man," said Mr. Foster, turning to Ester, as the door closed +after him, "is the son of our old lady, don't you think! You remember +I engaged to see her conveyed to his home in safety, and my anxiety +for her future welfare was such that my pleasure was very great +in discovering that the son was a faithful member of our mission +Sabbath-school, and a thoroughly good man." + +"And who is Sallie?" Ester inquired, very much interested. + +Mr. Foster's face grew graver. "Sallie is his one treasure, a dear +little girl, one of our mission scholars, and a beautiful example of +how faithful Christ can be to his little lambs." + +"What is supposed to be the matter with Sallie?" This question came +from Ralph, who had been half amused, half interested, with the entire +scene. + +The gravity on Mr. Foster's face deepened into sternness as he +answered: "Sallie is only one of the many victims of our beautiful +system of public poisoning. The son of her mother's employer, in a +fit of drunken rage, threw her from the very top of a long flight of +stairs, and now she lies warped and misshapen, mourning her life +away. By the way"--he continued, turning suddenly toward Mr. Ried--"I +believe you were asking for arguments to sustain my 'peculiar views.' +Here is one of them: This man of whom I speak, whose crazed brain has +this young sad life and death to answer for, I chance to know to a +certainty commenced his downward career in a certain pleasant parlor +in this city, among a select gathering of friends, taking a quiet +glass of wine!" And Mr. Foster made his adieus very brief, and +departed. + +Ralph's laugh was just a little nervous as he said, when the family +were alone: "Foster is very fortunate in having an incident come to +our very door with which to point his theories." + +Abbie had deserted her ottoman and taken one close by her father's +side. Now she laid her bright head lovingly against his breast, and +looked with eager, coaxing eyes into his stern gray ones. "Father," +she said softly, "you'll let your little curly have her own way just +this time, won't you? I will promise not to coax you again until I +want something very bad indeed." + +Mr. Ried had decided his plan of action some moments before. He was +prepared to remind his daughter in tones of haughty dignity that +he was "not in the habit of playing the part of a despot in his own +family, and that as she and her future husband were so very positive +in their very singular opinions, and so entirely regardless of his +wishes or feelings, he should, of course, not force his hospitalities +on her guests." + +He made one mistake. For just a moment he allowed his eyes to meet +the sweet blue ones, looking lovingly and trustingly into his, and +whatever it was, whether the remembrance that his one daughter was +so soon to go out from her home, or the thought of all the tender and +patient love and care which she had bestowed on him in those early +morning hours, the stern gray eyes grew tender, the haughty lines +about the mouth relaxed, and with a sudden caressing movement of his +hand among the brown curls, he said in a half moved, half playful +tone: + +"Did you ever ask any thing of anybody in your life that you didn't +get?" Then more gravely: "You shall have your way once more. Abbie, it +would be a pity to despoil you of your scepter at this late day." + +"Fiddlesticks!" ejaculated Mrs. Ried. + +Before she had added anything to that original sentiment Abbie was +behind her chair, both arms wound around her neck, and then came soft, +quick, loving kisses on her cheeks, on her lips, on her chin, and even +on her nose. + +"Nonsense!" added her mother. Then she laughed. "Your father would +consent to have the ceremony performed in the attic if you should +take a fancy that the parlors are too nicely furnished to suit your +puritanic views and I don't know but I should be just as foolish." + +"That man has gained complete control over her," Mrs. Ried said, +looking after Abbie with a little sigh, and addressing her remarks to +Ester as they stood together for a moment in the further parlor. "He +is a first-class fanatic, grows wilder and more incomprehensible in +his whims every day, and bends Abbie to his slightest wish. My only +consolation is that he is a man of wealth and culture, and indeed in +every other respect entirely unexceptionable." + +A new light dawned upon Ester. This was the secret of Abbie's +"strangeness." Mr. Foster was one of those rare and wonderful men +about whom one occasionally reads but almost never meets, and of +course Abbie, being so constantly under his influence, was constantly +led by him. Very few could expect to attain to such a hight; certainly +she, with her social disadvantages and unhelpful surroundings, must +not hope for it. + +She was rapidly returning to her former state of self-satisfaction. +There were certain things to be done. For instance, that first chapter +of John should receive more close attention at her next reading; and +there were various other duties which should be taken up and carefully +observed. But, on the whole, Ester felt that she had been rather +unnecessarily exercised, and that she must not expect to be perfect. +And so once more there was raised a flag of truce between her +conscience and her life. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +STEPPING BETWEEN. + + +They lingered together for a few minutes in the sitting-room, Abbie, +Ester, Ralph and Mr. Foster. They had been having a half sad, half +merry talk. It was the evening before the wedding. Ere this time +to-morrow Abbie would have left them, and in just a little while the +ocean would roll between them. Ester drew a heavy sigh as she thought +of it all. This magic three weeks, which had glowed in beauty for her, +such, as she told herself, her life would never see again, were just +on the eve of departure; only two days now before she would carry that +same restless, unhappy heart back among the clattering dishes in +that pantry and dining-room at home. Ralph broke the little moment of +silence which had fallen between them. "Foster, listen to the sweet +tones of that distant clock. It is the last time that you, being a +free man, will hear it strike five." + +"Unless I prove to be an early riser on the morrow, which necessity +will compel me to become if I tarry longer here at present. Abbie, +I must be busy this entire evening. That funeral obliged me to +defer some important business matters that I meant should have been +dispatched early in the day." + +"It isn't possible that you have been to a funeral to-day! How you do +mix things." Ralph uttered this sentence in real or pretended horror. + +"Why not?" Mr. Foster answered gently, and added: "It is true +though; life and death are very strangely mixed. It was our little +Sabbath-school girl, Sallie, whom we laid to rest to-day. It didn't +jar as some funerals would have done; one had simply to remember that +she had reached home. Miss Ester, if you will get that package for me +I will execute your commission with pleasure." + +Ester went away to do his bidding, and Ralph, promising to meet him at +the store in an hour, sauntered away, and for a few moments Abbie and +Mr. Foster talked together alone. + +"Good-by all of you," he said smiling, as he glanced back at the two +girls a few moments later. "Take care of her, Ester, until I relieve +you. It will not be long now." + +"Take care," Ester answered gaily; "you have forgotten the 'slip' that +there may be 'between the cup and the lip.'" + +But he answered her with an almost solemn gravity: "I never forget +that more worthy expression of the same idea, we know not what a day +may bring forth; but I always remember with exceeding joy that God +knows, and will lead us." + +"He is graver than ten ministers," Ester said, as they turned from the +window. "Come, Abbie, let us go up stairs." + +It was two hours later when Abbie entered the sitting-room where Ester +awaited her, and curled herself into a small heap of white muslin at +Ester's feet. + +"There!" said she, with a musical little laugh, "mother has sent me +away. The measure of her disgust is complete now. Dr. Downing is +in the sitting-room, and I have been guilty of going in to see him. +Imagine such a fearful breach of etiquette taking place in the house +of Ried! Do you know, I don't quite know what to do with myself. There +is really nothing more to busy myself about, unless I eat the wedding +cake." + +"You don't act in the least like a young lady who is to be married +to-morrow," was Ester's answer, as she regarded her cousin with a half +amused, half puzzled air. + +"Don't I?" said Abbie, trying to look alarmed. "What _have_ I done +now? I'm forever treading on bits of propriety, and crushing them. It +will be a real relief to me when I am safely married, and can relapse +into a common mortal again. Why, Ester, what have I been guilty of +just now?" + +"You are not a bit sentimental; are you, Abbie?" And at this gravely +put question Abbie's laugh rang out again. + +"Now don't, please, add that item to the list," she said merrily. +"Ester, is it very important that one should be sentimental on such +an occasion? I wish you were married, I really do, so that I might +be told just how to conduct my self. How can you and mother be so +unreasonable as to expect perfection when it is all new, and I really +never practiced in my life?" Then a change, as sudden as it was sweet, +flushed over Abbie's face. The merry look died out, and in its place a +gentle, tender softness rested in the bright blue eyes, and her voice +was low and quiet. "You think my mood a strange one, I fancy, dear +Ester; almost unbecoming in its gayety. Perhaps it is, and yet I feel +it bright and glad and happy. The change is a solemn one, but it seems +to me that I have considered it long and well. I remember that my +new home is to be very near my old one; that my brother will have a +patient, faithful, life-long friend in Mr. Foster, and this makes me +feel more hopeful for him--and, indeed, it seems to me that I feel +like repeating, 'The lines have fallen unto me in pleasant places.' +I do not, therefore, affect a gravity that I do not feel. I am +gloriously happy to-night, and the strongest feeling in my heart is +thankfulness. My Heavenly Father has brimmed my earthly cup, so that +it seems to me there is not room in my heart for another throb of joy; +and so you see--Ester, what on earth can be going on down stairs? +Have you noticed the banging of doors, and the general confusion that +reigns through the house? Positively if I wasn't afraid of shocking +mother into a fainting fit I would start on a voyage of discovery." + +"Suppose I go," Ester answered, laughing. "Inasmuch as I am not going +to be married, there can be no harm in seeing what new developments +there are below stairs. I mean to go. I'll send you word if it is any +thing very amazing." + +And with a laughing adieu Ester closed the door on the young +bride-elect, and ran swiftly down stairs. There did seem to be a good +deal of confusion in the orderly household, and the very air of the +hall seemed to be pervaded with a singular subdued excitement; voices +of suppressed loudness issued from the front parlor and as Ester +knocked she heard a half scream from Mrs. Ried, mingled with cries +of "Don't let her in." Growing thoroughly alarmed, Ester now abruptly +pushed open the door and entered. + +"Oh, for mercy's sake, don't let her come," almost screamed Mrs. Ried, +starting wildly forward. + +"Mother, _hush_!" said Ralph's voice in solemn sternness. "It is only +Ester. Where is Abbie?" + +"In her room. What is the matter? Why do you all act so strangely? I +came to see what caused so much noise." + +And then her eyes and voice were arrested by a group around the sofa; +Mr. Ried and Dr. Downing, and stooping over some object which was +hidden from her was the man who had been pointed out to her as the +great Dr. Archer. As she looked in terrified amazement, he raised his +head and spoke. + +"It is as I feared, Mr. Ried. The pulse has ceased." + +"It is not possible!" And the hollow, awestruck tone in which Mr. Ried +spoke can not be described. + +And then Ester saw stretched on that sofa a perfectly motionless form, +a perfectly pale and quiet face, rapidly settling into the strange +solemn calm of death, and that face and form were Mr. Foster's! And +she stood as if riveted to the spot; stood in speechless, moveless +horror and amaze--and then the swift-coming thoughts shaped themselves +into two woe-charged words: "Oh Abbie!" + +What a household was this into which death had so swiftly and silently +entered! The very rooms in which the quiet form lay sleeping, all +decked in festive beauty in honor of the bridal morning; but oh! there +was to come no bridal. + +Ester shrank back in awful terror from the petition that she would go +to Abbie. + +"I can not--I _can not_!" she repeated again and again. "It will kill +her; and oh! it would kill me to tell her." + +Mrs. Ried was even more hopeless a dependence than Ester; and Mr. Ried +cried out in the very agony of despair: "What _shall_ we do? Is there +_nobody_ to help us?" + +Then Ralph came forward, grave almost to sternness, but very calm. +"Dr. Downing," he said, addressing the gentleman who had withdrawn a +little from the family group. "It seems to me that you are our only +hope in this time of trial. My sister and you are sustained, I +verily believe, by the same power. The rest of us seem to _have_ no +sustaining power. Would you go to my sister, sir?" + +Dr. Downing turned his eyes slowly away from the calm, moveless face +which seemed to have fascinated him, and said simply: "I will do what +I can for Abbie. It is blessed to think what a Helper she has. One who +never faileth. God pity those who have no such friend." + +So they showed him up to the brightly-lighted library, and sent a +message to the unconscious Abbie. + +"Dr. Downing," she said, turning briskly from the window in answer to +Maggie's summons. "Whatever does he want of me do you suppose, Maggie? +I'm half afraid of him tonight. However, I'll endeavor to brave the +ordeal. Tell Miss Ester to come up to me as soon as she can, and be +ready to defend me if I am to receive a lecture." + +This, as she flitted by toward the door; and a pitying cloud just then +hid the face of the August moon, and vailed from the glance of the +poor young creature the white, frightened face of Maggie. + +With what unutterable agony of fear did the family below wait and long +for and dread the return of Dr. Downing, or some message from that +dreadful room. The moments that seemed hours to them dragged on, and +no sound came to them. + +"She has not fainted then," muttered Ralph at last, "or he would have +rung. Ester, you know what Maggie said. Could you not go to her?" + +Ester cowered and shrunk. "Oh, Ralph, don't ask me. I _can not_." + +Then they waited again in silence; and at last shivered with fear as +Dr. Downing softly opened the door. There were traces of deep emotion +on his face, but just now it was wonderful for its calmness. + +"She knows all," he said, addressing Mr. Ried. "And the widow's God is +hers. Mrs. Ried, she makes special request that she need see no living +soul to-night; and, indeed, I think it will be best. And now, my +friends, may I pray with you in this hour of trial." + +So while quick, skillful fingers prepared the sleeper in that front +parlor for his long, long rest, a group such as had never bowed the +knee together before, knelt in the room just across the hall, and amid +tears and moans they were commended to the care of Him who waits to +help us all. + +By and by a solemn quiet settled down upon that strangely stricken +household. In the front parlor the folding doors were closed, and +the angel of death kept guard over his quiet victim. From the chamber +overhead came forth no sound, and none knew save God how fared the +struggle between despair and submission in that young heart. In +the sitting-room Ester waited breathlessly while Ralph gave the +particulars, which she had not until now been able to hear. + +"We were crossing just above the store; had nearly got across; he was +just saying that his preparations were entirely perfected for a long +absence. 'It is a long journey,' he added, 'and if I never come back +I have the satisfaction of thinking that I have left everything ready +even for that. It is well to be ready even for death, Ralph,' he said, +with one of his glorious smiles; 'it makes life pleasanter.' I don't +know how I can tell you the rest." And Ralph's lips grew white and +tremulous. "Indeed, I hardly know how it was. There was an old bent +woman crossing just behind us, and there was a carriage, and a wretch +of a drunken driver pushing his way through. I don't know how Foster +came to look around, but he did, and said, 'There is my dear old lady +behind us, Ralph; she ought not to be out with a mere child for a +companion.' And then he uttered an exclamation of terror, and sprang +forward--and I know nothing clearly that followed. I saw him drag +that old woman fairly from under the horses' feet. I heard the driver +curse, and saw him strike his frightened horses, and they reared and +plunged, and I saw him fall; but it all seemed to happen in one second +of time--and how I got him home, and got Dr. Archer, and kept it from +Abbie, I don't seem to know. Oh God help my poor little fair darling." +And Ralph choked and stopped, and wiped from his eyes great burning +tears. + +"Oh Ralph!" said Ester, as soon as she could speak. "Then all this +misery comes because that driver was intoxicated." + +"Yes," said Ralph, with compressed lips and flashing eyes. + + * * * * * + +"And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of +sleep; for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed." + +Rom. 13: 11. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS. + + +Slowly, slowly, the night wore away, and the eastern sky grew rosy +with the blush of a new morning--the bridal morning! How strangely +unreal, how even impossible did it seem to Ester, as she raised the +curtains and looked drearily out upon the dawn, that this was actually +the day upon which her thoughts had centered during the last three +weeks What a sudden shutting down had there been to all their plans +and preparations! How strangely the house looked--here a room bedecked +in festive beauty for the wedding; there one with shrouded mirrors, +and floating folds of crape! Life and death, a wedding and a +funeral--they had never either of them touched so close to her before; +and now the one had suddenly glided backward, and left her heart heavy +with the coming of the other. Mechanically, she turned to look upon +the silvery garment gleaming among the white furnishings of the bed, +for she was that very morning to have assisted in arraying the bride +in those robes of beauty. Her own careful fingers had laid out all the +bewildering paraphernalia of the dressing-room--sash and gloves, and +handkerchief and laces. Just in that very spot had she stood only +yesterday, and talking the while with Abbie; had altered a knot of +ribbons, and given the ends a more graceful droop, and just at that +moment Abbie had been summoned below stairs to see Mr. Foster--and now +he was waiting down there, not for Abbie, but for the coffin and the +grave, and Abbie was----. And here Ester gave a low, shuddering moan, +and covered her eyes with her hands. Why had she come into that room +at all? And why was all this fearful time allowed to come to Abbie? +Poor, poor Abbie she had been so bright and so good, and Mr. Foster +had been so entirely her guide--how could she ever endure it? Ester +doubted much whether Abbie could ever bear to see _her_ again, she had +been so closely connected with all these bright days, over which so +fearful a pall had fallen. It would be very natural if she should +refuse even to _see_ her--and, indeed, Ester almost hoped she would. +It seemed to her that this was a woe too deep to be spoken of or +endured, only she said with a kind of desperation, "Things _must_ be +endured;" and there was a wild thought in her heart, that if she could +but have the ordering of events, all this bitter sorrow should never +be. There came a low, tremulous knock as an interruption to her +thoughts, and Maggie's swollen eyes and tear-stained face appeared at +the door with a message. + +"If you please, Miss Ester, she wants you." + +"Who?" asked Ester, with trembling lips and a sinking at her heart. + +"Miss Abbie, ma'am; she asked for you, and said would you come to her +as soon as you could." + +But it was hours after that before Ester brought herself to feel that +she _could_ go to her. Nothing had ever seemed so hard to her to do. +How to look, how to act, what to say, and above all, what _not_ to +say to this poor, widowed bride. These questions were by no means +answered, when she suddenly, in desperate haste, decided that if it +must be done, the sooner it was over the better, and she made all +speed to prepare herself for the visit; and yet there was enough of +Ester's personal self left, even on that morning, to send a +little quiver of complacency through her veins, as she bathed her +tear-stained face, and smoothed her disordered hair. Abbie had sent +for _her_. Abbie wanted her; she had sent twice. Evidently she had +turned to her for help. Miserably unable as she felt herself to give +it, still it was a comfort to feel that she was the one selected from +the household for companionship. Ester knew that Mrs. Ried had been +with her daughter for a few moments, and that Ralph had rushed in and +out again, too overcome to stay, but Ester had asked no questions, and +received no information concerning her. She pictured her lying on +the bed, with disordered hair and swollen eyes, given over to the +abandonment of grief, or else the image of stony despair; and it was +with a very trembling hand that at last she softly turned the knob +and let herself into the morning room, which she and Abbie had enjoyed +together; and just as she pushed open the door, a neighboring clock +counted out twelve strokes, and it was at twelve o'clock that Abbie +was to become a wife! Midway in the room Ester paused, and, as her +eyes rested on Abbie, a look of bewildering astonishment gathered +on her face. In the little easy chair by the open window, one hand +keeping the place in the partly closed book, sat the young creature, +whose life had so suddenly darkened around her. The morning robe of +soft pure white was perfect in its neatness and simplicity, the brown +curls clustered around her brow with their wonted grace and beauty, +and while under her eyes indeed there were heavy rings of black, yet +the eyes themselves were large and full and tender. As she held out +the disengaged hand, there came the soft and gentle likeness of a +smile over her face; and Ester, bewildered, amazed, frightened, stood +almost as transfixed as if she had been one of those who saw the angel +sitting at the door of the empty tomb. Stood a moment, then a sudden +revulsion of feeling overcoming her, hurried forward, and dropping on +her knees, bowed her head over the white hand and the half-open Bible, +and burst into a passion of tears. + +"_Dear_ Ester!" This said Abbie in the softest, most soothing of +tones. The mourner turned comforter! + +"Oh Abbie, Abbie, how can you bear it--how _can_ you live?" burst +forth from the heart of this friend who had come to comfort this +afflicted one! + +There was a little bit of silence now, and a touching tremble to the +voice when it was heard again. + +"'The Lord knoweth them that are his.' I try to remember that. Christ +knows it all, and he loves me, and he is all-powerful; and yet he +leads me through this dark road; therefore it _must_ be right." + +"But," said Ester, raising her eyes and staying her tears for very +amazement, "I do not understand--I do not see. How _can_ you be so +calm, so submissive, at least just now--so soon--and you were to have +been married to-day?" + +The blood rolled in great purple waves over neck and cheek and brow, +and then receded, leaving a strange, almost death-like, pallor behind +it. The small hands were tightly clasped, with a strange mixture of +pain and devotion in the movement, and the white lips moved for a +moment, forming words that met no mortal ear--then the sweet, low, +tender voice sounded again. + +"Dear Ester, I pray. There is no other way. I pray all the time. I +keep right by my Savior. There is just a little, oh, a very little, +vale of flesh between him and between my--my husband and myself. Jesus +loves me, Ester. I know it now just as well as I did yesterday. I do +not and can not doubt him." + +A mixture of awe and pain and astonishment kept Ester moveless and +silent, and Abbie spoke no more for some moments. Then it was a +changed, almost bright voice. + +"Ester do you remember we stood together alone for a moment yesterday? +I will tell you what he said, the last words that were intended for +just me only, that I shall hear for a little while; they are _my_ +words, you know, but I shall tell them to you so you may see how +tender Christ is, even in his most solemn chastenings. 'See here,' he +said, 'I will give you a word to keep until we meet in the morning: +The Lord watch between thee and me while we are absent one from +another.' I have been thinking, while I sat here this morning, +watching the coming of this new day, which you know is his first day +in heaven, that perhaps it will be on some such morning of beauty as +this that my long, long day will dawn, and that I will say to him, as +soon as ever I see his face again: 'The word was a good one; the Lord +has watched between us, and the night is gone.' Think of it, Ester. I +shall _surely_ say that some day--'some summer morning.'" + +The essence of sweetness and the sublimity of faith which this young +Christian threw into these jubilant words can not be repeated on +paper; but, thank God, they can in the heart--they are but the echo of +those sure and everlasting words: "My grace is sufficient for thee." +As for Ester, who had spent her years groveling in the dust of earth, +it was the recital of such an experience as she had not deemed it +possible for humanity to reach. And still she knelt immovable and +silent, and Abbie broke the silence yet again. + +"Dear Ester, do you know I have not seen him yet, and I want to. +Mother does not understand, and she would not give her consent, but +she thinks me safe while you are with me. Would you mind going down +with me just to look at his face again?" + +Oh, Ester would mind it _dreadfully_. She was actually afraid of +death. She was afraid of the effect of such a scene upon this strange +Abbie. She raised her head, shivering with pain and apprehension, +and looked a volume of petition and remonstrance; but ere she spoke +Abbie's hand rested lovingly on her arm, and her low sweet voice +continued the pleading: + +"You do not quite understand my mood, Ester. I am not unlike others; +I have wept bitter tears this past night; I have groaned in agony of +spirit; I have moaned in the very dust. I shall doubtless have such +struggles again. This is earth, and the flesh is weak; but now is +my hour of exaltation--and while it is given me now to feel a faint +overshadowing of the very glory which surrounds him, I want to go and +look my last upon the dear clay which is to stay here on earth with +me." + +And Ester rose up, and wound her arm about the tiny frame which held +this brave true heart, and without another spoken word the two went +swiftly down the stairs, and entered the silent, solemn parlor. Yet, +even while she went, a fierce throb of pain shook Ester's heart, as +she remembered how they had arranged to descend the staircase on +this very day--in what a different manner, and for what a different +purpose. Apparently no such thought as this touched Abbie. She went +softly and yet swiftly forward to the still form, while Ester waited +in almost breathless agony to see what would result from this trial of +faith and nerve; but what a face it was upon which death had left its +seal! No sculptured marble was ever so grand in its solemn beauty as +was this clay-molded face, upon which the glorious smile born not of +earth rested in full sweetness. Abbie, with clasped hands and slightly +parted lips, stood and almost literally drank in the smile; then, +sweet and low and musical, there broke the sound of her voice in that +great solemn room. + +"So he giveth his beloved sleep." + +Not another word or sound disturbed the silence. And still Abbie stood +and gazed on the dear, dead face. And still Ester stood near the +door, and watched with alternations of anxiety and awe the changeful +expressions on the scarcely less white face of the living, until at +last, without sound or word, she dropped upon her knees, a cloud of +white drapery floating around her, and clasped her hands over the +lifeless breast. Then on Ester's face the anxiety gave place to awe, +and with softly moving fingers she opened the door, and with noiseless +tread went out into the hall and left the living and the dead alone +together. + +There was one more scene for Ester to endure that day. Late in the +afternoon, as she went to the closed room, there was bending over the +manly form a gray-haired old woman. By whose friendly hands she had +been permitted to enter, Ester did not stop to wonder. She had seen +her but once before, but she knew at a glance the worn, wrinkled face; +and, as if a picture of the scene hung before her, she saw that old, +queer form, leaning trustfully on the strong arm, lying nerveless now, +being carefully helped through the pushing throng--being reverently +cared for as if she had been his mother; and _she_, looking after the +two, had wondered if she should ever see them again. Now she stood +in the presence of them both, yet what an unmeasurable ocean rolled +between them! The faded, tearful eyes were raised to her face after +a moment, and a quivering voice spoke her thoughts aloud, rather than +addressed any body. "He gave his life for poor old useless me, and it +was such a beautiful life, and was needed, oh so much; but what am +I saying, God let it be him instead of me, who wanted so to go--and +after trusting him all along, am I, at my time of life, going to +murmur at him now? He came to see me only yesterday"--this in a more +natural tone of voice, addressed to Ester--"he told me good-by. He +said he was going a long journey with his wife; and now, may the dear +Savior help the poor darling, for he has gone his long journey without +her." + +Ester waited to hear not another word. The heavy sense of pain because +of Abbie, which she had carried about with her through all that weary +day, had reached its height with that last sentence: "He has gone his +long journey without her." + +She fled from the room, up the stairs, to the quiet little chamber, +which had been given to her for her hours of retirement, locked and +bolted the door, and commenced pacing up and down the room in agony of +soul. + +It was not all because of Abbie that this pain knocked so steadily at +her heart, at least not all out of sympathy with her bitter sorrow. +There was a fearful tumult raging in her own soul; her last stronghold +had been shattered. Of late she had come to think that Abbie's +Christian life was but a sweet reflection of Mr. Foster's strong, true +soul; that she leaned not on Christ, but on the arm of flesh. She had +told herself very confidently that if _she_ had such a friend as he +had been to Abbie, she should be like her. In her hours of rebellion +she had almost angrily reminded herself that it was not strange that +Abbie's life could be so free from blame; _she_ had some one to turn +to in her needs. It was a very easy matter for Abbie to slip lightly +over the petty trials of her life, so long as she was surrounded and +shielded by that strong, true love. But now, ah now, the arm of flesh +had faltered, the strong staff had broken, and broken, too, only a +moment, as it were, before it was to have been hers in name as well as +in spirit. Naturally, Ester had expected that the young creature, so +suddenly shorn of her best and dearest, would falter and faint, +and utterly fail. And when, looking on, she saw the triumph of the +Christian's faith, rising even over death, sustained by no human arm, +and yet wonderfully, triumphantly sustained, even while she bent +for the last time over that which was to have been her earthly +all--looking and wondering, there suddenly fell away from her the +stupor of years, and Ester saw with wide, open eyes, and thoroughly +awakened soul, that there was a something in this Christian religion +that Abbie had and she had not. + +And thus it was that she paced her room in that strange agony that was +worse than grief, and more sharp than despair. No use now to try to +lull her conscience back to quiet sleep again; that time was past, +it was thoroughly and sharply awake; the same All-wise hand which had +tenderly freed one soul from its bonds of clay and called it home, had +as tenderly and as wisely, with the same stroke, cut the cords that +bound this other soul to earth, loosed the scales from her long-closed +eyes, broke the sleep that had well-nigh lulled her to ruin; and now +heart and brain and conscience were thoroughly and forever awake. + +When at last, from sheer exhaustion, she ceased her excited pacing +up and down the room and sank into a chair, her heart was not more +stilled. It seemed to her, long after, in thinking of this hour, +that it was given to her to see deeper into the recesses of her own +depravity than ever mortal had seen before. She began years back, +at that time when she thought she had given her heart to Christ, and +reviewed step by step all the weary way, up to this present time; +and she found nothing but backslidings, and inconsistencies, and +confusion--denials of her Savior, a closed Bible, a neglected closet, +a forgotten cross. Oh, the bitterness, the unutterable agony of that +hour! Surely Abbie, on her knees struggling with her bleeding heart, +and yet feeling all around and underneath her the everlasting arms, +knew nothing of desolation such as this. + +Fiercer and fiercer waged the warfare, until at last every root of +pride, or self-complacence, or self-excuse, was utterly cast out. Yet +did not Satan despair. Oh, he meant to have this poor sick, weak lamb, +if he could get her; no effort should be left unmade. And when he +found that she could be no more coaxed and lulled and petted into +peace, he tried that darker, heavier temptation--tried to stupefy her +into absolute despair. "No," she said within her heart, "I am not a +Christian; I never have been one; I never _can_ be one. I've been a +miserable, self-deceived hypocrite all my life. I have had a name +to live, and am dead. I would not let myself be awakened; I have +struggled against it; I have been only too glad to stop myself from +thinking about it. I have been just a miserable stumbling-block, with +no excuse to offer; and now I feel myself deserted, justly so. There +can be no rest for such as I. I have no Savior; I have insulted and +denied him; I have crucified him again, and now he has left me to +myself." + +Thus did that father of lies continue to pour into this weary soul the +same old story which he has repeated for so many hundred years, with +the same old foundation: "_I--I--I_." And strange to say, this poor +girl repeated the experience which has so many times been lived, +during these past hundreds of years, in the very face of that other +glorious pronoun, in very defiance, it would seem, to that old, +old explanation: "Surely _he_ hath borne our griefs and carried our +sorrows." "_He_ was wounded for our transgressions; _he_ was bruised +for our iniquities. The chastisement of our peace was upon _him_: and +with _his stripes_ we are healed." + +Yes, Ester knew those two verses. She knew yet another which said: +"All we, like sheep, have gone astray. We have turned every one to his +own way: _and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all_." + +And yet she dared to sit with hopeless, folded hand, with heavy +despairing eyes, and repeat that sentence: "I _have_ no Savior now." +And many a wandering sheep has dared, even in its repenting hour, +to insult the great Shepherd thus. Ester's Bible lay on the window +seat--the large, somewhat worn Bible which Abbie had lent her, to +"mark just as much as she pleased;" it lay open, as if it had opened +of itself to a familiar spot. There were heavy markings around several +of the verses, markings that had not been made by Ester's pencil. +Some power far removed from that which had been guiding her despairing +thoughts prompted her to reach forth her hand for the book, and fix +her attention on those marked verses, and the words were these: "For +thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name +is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of +a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, +and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. For I will not contend +forever, neither will I be always wroth: for the spirit should fail +before me, and the souls which I have made. For the iniquity of his +covetousness was I wroth, and smote him: I hid me, and was wroth, and +he went on frowardly in the way of his heart. I have seen his ways, +and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him +and to his mourners. I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to +him that is afar off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord; and _I +will heal him_." + +Had an angel spoken to Ester, or was it the dear voice of the Lord +himself? She did not know. She only knew that there rang through her +very soul two sentences as the climax of all these wonderful words: +"Peace, peace to him that is afar off"--and--"I will heal him." + +A moment more, and with the very promise of the Crucified spread +out before her, Ester was on her knees; and at first, with bursts of +passionate, tearful pleading, and later with low, humble, contrite +tones, and finally with the sound in her voice of that peace which +comes only to those to whom Christ is repeating: "I have blotted out +as a cloud thy transgressions, and as a thick cloud thy sins," did +Ester pray. + +"Do you know, dear Ester, there must have been two new joys in heaven +to-day? First they had a new-comer among those who walk with him in +white, for they are worthy; and then they had that shout of triumph +over another soul for whom Satan has struggled fiercely and whom he +has forever lost." This said Abbie, as they nestled close together +that evening in the "purple twilight." + +And Ester answered simply and softly: Amen. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +SUNDRIES. + + +Meanwhile the days moved on; the time fixed for Ester's return home +had long passed, and yet she tarried in New York. Abbie clung to her, +wanted her for various reasons; and the unselfish, pitying mother, far +away, full of tender sympathy for the stricken bride, smothered a sigh +of weariness, buried in her heart the thought of her own need of her +eldest daughter's presence and help, and wrote a long, loving letter, +jointly to the daughter and niece, wherein she gave her full consent +to Ester's remaining away, so long as she could be a comfort to her +cousin. + +Two items worthy of record occurred during these days. The first time +the family gathered at the dinner table, after the one who had been +so nearly a son of the house had been carried to his rest in that +wonderful and treasured city of Greenwood, Ralph, being helped by +John, as usual, to his glass of wine, refused it with a short, sharp, +almost angry "_No_. Take it away and never offer me the accursed stuff +again. We should have had him with us to-day but for that. I'll never +touch another drop of it as long as I live." + +Which startling words Mr. and Mrs. Ried listened to without comment, +other than a half-frightened look bestowed on Abbie, to see how she +would bear this mention of her dead; and she bore it this way. Turning +her eyes, glistening with tears, full on her brother's face, she said, +with a little quiver of tender gladness in her voice: + +"Oh, Ralph, I knew it had a silver lining, but I did not think God +would let me see it so soon." + +Then Mr. and Mrs. Ried concluded that both their children were queer, +and that they did not understand them. The other item was productive +of a dissertation on propriety from Mrs. Ried. + +Ralph and his father were in the back parlor, the former standing with +one arm resting on the mantel while he talked with his father, who was +half buried in a great easy chair--that easy chair in his own elegant +parlor, and his handsome son standing before him in that graceful +attitude, were Mr. Ried's synonyms for perfect satisfaction; and his +face took on a little frown of disappointment, as the door opened +somewhat noisily, and Mrs. Ried came in wearing a look expressive +of thoroughly-defined vexation. Ralph paused in the midst of his +sentence, and wheeled forward a second easy chair for his mother, then +returned to his former position and waited patiently for the gathered +frown to break into words, which event instantly occurred. + +"I really do not think, Mr. Ried, that this nonsense ought to be +allowed; besides being a very strange, unfeeling thing to do, it is in +my opinion positively indecent--and I _do_ think, Mr. Ried, that you +ought to exercise your authority for once." + +"If you would kindly inform me what you are supposed to be talking +about, and where my authority is specially needed at this time, I +might be induced to consider the matter." + +This, from the depths of the easy chair, in its owner's most +provokingly indifferent tone, which fortunately Mrs. Ried was too much +preoccupied to take special note of, and continued her storm of words. + +"Here, it is not actually quite a week since he was buried, and Abbie +must needs make herself and her family appear perfectly ridiculous by +making her advent in public." + +Mr. Ried came to an upright posture, and even Ralph asked a startled +question: + +"Where is she going?" + +"Why, where do you suppose, but to that absurd little prayer-meeting, +where she always would insist upon going every Thursday evening. I +used to think it was for the pleasure of a walk home with Mr. Foster; +but why she should go to-night is incomprehensible to me." + +"Nonsense!" said Mr. Ried, settling back into the cushions. "A large +public that will be. I thought at the very least she was going to the +opera. If the child finds any comfort in such an atmosphere, where's +the harm? Let her go." + +"Where's the harm! Now, Mr. Ried, that is just as much as you care +for appearances _sometimes_, and at other times you can be quite as +particular as _I_ am; though I certainly believe there is nothing that +Abbie might take a fancy to do that you would not uphold her in." + +Mr. Ried's reply was uttered in a tone that impressed one with the +belief that he was uttering a deliberate conviction. + +"You are quite right as regards that, I suspect. At least I find +myself quite unable to conceive of any thing connected with her that +could by any twisting be made other than just the thing." + +Mrs. Ried's exasperated answer was cut short by the entrance of Abbie, +attired as for a walk or ride, the extreme pallor of her face and the +largeness of her soft eyes enhanced by the deep mourning robes which +fell around her like the night. + +"Now, Abbie," said Mrs. Ried, turning promptly to her, "I did hope +you had given up this strangest of all your strange whims. What _will_ +people think?" + +"People are quite accustomed to see me there, dear mother, at least +all the people who will see me to-night; and if _ever_ I needed help I +do just now." + +"I should think it would be much more appropriate to stay at home and +find help in the society of your own family. That is the way other +people do who are in affliction." + +Mrs. Ried had the benefit of a full, steady look from Abbie's great +solemn eyes now, as she said: + +"Mother, I want God's help. No other will do me any good." + +"Well," answered Mrs. Ried, after just a moment of rather awe-struck +silence, "can't you find that help any where but in that plain, +common little meeting-house? I thought people with your peculiar views +believed that God was every-where." + +An expression not unlike that of a hunted deer shone for a moment in +Abbie's eyes. Then she spoke, in tones almost despairing: + +"O mother, _mother_, you _can not_ understand." + +Tone, or words, or both, vexed Mrs. Ried afresh, and she spoke with +added sharpness. + +"At least I can understand this much, that my daughter is very anxious +to do a thing utterly unheard of in its propriety, and I am thoroughly +ashamed of you. If I were Ester I should not like to uphold you in +such a singularly conspicuous parade. Remember, you have no one _now_ +but John to depend upon as an escort." + +Ralph had remained a silent, immovable listener to this strange, sad +conversation up to this moment. Now he came suddenly forward with a +quick, firm tread, and encircled Abbie's trembling form with his arm, +while with eyes and voice he addressed his mother. + +"In that last proposition you are quite mistaken, my dear mother. +Abbie chances to have a brother, who considers himself honored by +being permitted to accompany her any where she may choose to go." + +Mrs. Ried looked up at her tall, haughty son in unfeigned +astonishment, and for an instant was silent. + +"Oh," she said at last, "if you have chosen to rank yourself on this +ridiculous fanatical side, I have nothing more to say." + +As for Mr. Ried, he had long before this shadded his eyes with his +hand, and was looking through half-closed fingers with mournful eyes +at the sable robes and pallid face of his golden-haired darling, +apparently utterly unconscious of or indifferent to the talk that was +going on. + +But will Ralph ever forget the little sweet smile which illumined for +a moment the pure young face, as she turned confiding eyes on him? + +Thenceforth there dawned a new era in Abbie's life. Ralph, for +reasons best known to himself, chose to be released from his vacation +engagements in a neighboring city, and remained closely at home. And +Abbie went as usual to her mission-class, to her Bible-class, to +the teacher's prayer-meeting, to the regular church prayer-meeting, +every-where she had been wont to go, and she was always and +every-where accompanied and sustained by her brother. + +As for Ester, these were days of great opportunity and spiritual +growth to her. + +So we bridge the weeks between and reach the afternoon of a September +day, bright and beautiful, as the month draws toward its closing; and +Ester is sitting alone in her room in the low, easy chair by the +open window, and in her lap lies an open letter, while she, with +thoughtful, earnest eyes seems reading, not it, but the future, or +else her own heart. The letter is from Sadie, and she has written +thus: + +"MY DEAR CITY SISTER,--Mother said to-night, as we were promenading +the dining-room for the sake of exercise, and also to clear off the +table (Maggie had the toothache and was off duty): 'Sadie, my dear +child, haven't you written to Ester yet? Do you think it is quite +right to neglect her so, when she must be very anxious to hear from +home?' Now, you know, when mother says, 'Sadie, my dear child,' and +looks at me from out those reproachful eyes of hers, there is nothing +short of mixing a mess of bread that I would not do for her. So here I +am--place, third story front; time, 11:30 P.M.; position, foot of the +bed (Julia being soundly sleeping at the head), one gaiter off and one +gaiter on, somewhat after the manner of 'my son John' so renowned in +history. Speaking of bread, how abominably that article can act. I had +a solemn conflict with a batch of it this morning. Firstly, you must +know, I forgot it. Mother assured me it was ready to be mixed before +I awakened, so it must have been before that event took place that +the forgetfulness occurred; however, be that as it may, after I was +thoroughly awake, and up, and _down_, I still forgot it. The fried +potatoes were frying themselves fast to that abominable black dish +in which they are put to sizzle, and which, by the way, is the most +nefarious article in the entire kitchen list to get clean (save +and excepting the dish-cloth). Well, as I was saying, they burned +themselves, and I ran to the rescue. Then Minie wanted me to go to +the yard with her, to see a 'dear cunning little brown and gray +thing, with some greenish spots, that walked and spoke to her.' The +interesting stranger proved to be a fair-sized frog! While examining +into, and explaining minutely the nature and character and occupations +of the entire frog family, the mixture in the tin pail, behind the +kitchen stove, took that opportunity to _sour_. My! what a bubble +it was in, and what an interesting odor it emitted, when at last I +returned from frogdom to the ordinary walks of life, and gave it my +attention. Maggie was above her elbows in the wash-tub, so I seized +the pail, and in dire haste and dismay ran up two flights of stairs +in search of mother. I suppose you know what followed. I assure you, +I think mothers and soda are splendid! What a remarkable institution +that ingredient is. While I made sour into sweet with the aid of its +soothing proclivities, I moralized; the result of which was that after +I had squeezed and mushed and rolled over, and thumped and patted my +dough the requisite number of times, I tucked it away under blankets +in a corner, and went out to the piazza to ask Dr. Douglass if he knew +of an article in the entire round of Materia Medica which could be +given to human beings when they were sour and disagreeable, and which, +after the manner of soda in dough, would immediately work a reform. +On his acknowledging his utter ignorance of any such principle, I +advanced the idea that cooking was a much more developed science than +medicine; thence followed an animated discussion. + +"But in the meantime what do you suppose that bread was doing? Just +spreading itself in the most remarkable manner over the nice blanket +under which I had cuddled it! Then I had an amazing time. Mother +said the patting process must all be done over again; and there was +abundant opportunity for more moralizing. That bread developed the +most remarkable stick-to-a-tive-ness that I ever beheld. I assure you, +if total depravity is a mark of humanity, then I believe my dough is +human. + +"Well, we are all still alive, though poor Mr. Holland is, I fear, +very little more than that. He was thrown from his carriage one +evening last week, and brought home insensible. He is now in a raging +fever, and very ill indeed. For once in their lives both doctors +agree. He is delirious most of the time; and his delirium takes the +very trying form which leads him to imagine that only mother can do +any thing for him. The doctors think he fancies she is his own mother, +and that he is a boy again. All this makes matters rather hard on +mother. She is frequently with him half the night; and often Maggie +and I are left to reign supreme in the kitchen for the entire day. +Those are the days that 'try men's souls,' especially women's. + +"I am sometimes tempted to think that all the book knowledge the world +contains is not to be compared to knowing just what, and how, and +when, to do in the kitchen. I quite think so for a few hours when +mother, after a night of watching in a sick room, comes down to undo +some of my blundering. She is the patientest, dearest, lovingest, +kindest mother that ever a mortal had, and just because she is so +patient shall I rejoice over the day when she can give a little sigh +of relief and leave the kitchen, calm in the assurance that it will +be right-side up when she returns. Ester, how _did_ you make things +go right? I'm sure I try harder than I ever knew you to, and yet salt +will get into cakes and puddings, and sugar into potatoes. Just here +I'm conscience smitten. I beg you will not construe one of the above +sentences as having the remotest allusion to your being sadly missed +at home. Mother said I was not even to _hint_ such a thing, and I'm +sure I haven't. I'm a _remarkable_ housekeeper. The fall term at the +academy opened week before last. I have hidden my school-books behind +that old barrel in the north-east corner of the attic. I thought they +would be safer there than below stairs. At least I was sure the bread +would do better in the oven because of their ascent. + +"To return to the scene of our present trials: Mr. Holland is, I +suppose, very dangerously sick; and poor Mrs. Holland is the very +embodiment of despair. When I look at her in prospective misery, I +am reminded of poor, dear cousin Abbie (to whom I would write if it +didn't seem a sacrilege), and I conclude there is really more misery +in this world of ours than I had any idea of. I've discovered why +the world was made round. It must be to typify our lives--sort of a +tread-mill existence, you know; coming constantly around to the things +which you thought you had done yesterday and put away; living over +again to-day the sorrows which you thought were vanquished last week. +I'm sleepy, and it is nearly time to bake cakes for breakfast. 'The +tip of the morning to you,' as Patrick O'Brien greets Maggie. + +"Yours nonsensically; SADIE." + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +AT HOME. + + +Over this letter Ester had laughed and cried, and finally settled, as +we found her, into quiet thought. When Abbie came in after a little, +and nestled on an ottoman in front of her, with an inquiring look, +Ester placed the letter in her hands, without note or comment, and +Abbie read and laughed considerably, then grew more sober, and at last +folded the letter with a very thoughtful face. + +"Well," said Ester, at last, smiling a little. + +And Abbie answered: "Oh, Ester." + +"Yes," said Ester, "you see they need me." + +Then followed a somewhat eager, somewhat sorrowful talk, and then a +moment of silence fell between them, which Abbie broke by a sudden +question: + +"Ester, isn't this Dr. Douglass gaining some influence over Sadie? +Have I imagined it, or does she speak of him frequently in her +letters, in a way that gives me an idea that his influence is not for +good?" + +"I'm afraid it is very true; his influence over her seems to be great, +and it certainly is not for good. The man is an infidel, I think. At +least he is very far indeed from being a Christian. Do you know I +read a verse in my Bible this morning which, when I think of my past +influence over Sadie, reminds me bitterly of myself. It was like this: +'While men slept his enemy came and sowed tares--.' If I had not been +asleep I might have won Sadie for the Savior before this enemy came." + +"Well," Abbie answered gently, not in the least contradicting this sad +statement, but yet speaking hopefully, "you will try to undo all this +now." + +"Oh, Abbie, I don't know. I am so weak--like a child just beginning to +take little steps alone, instead of being the strong disciple that I +might have been. I distrust myself. I am afraid." + +"I'm not afraid for you," Abbie said, speaking very earnestly. +"Because, in the first place you are unlike the little child, in that +you must never even try to take one step _alone_. And besides, there +are more verses in the Bible than that one. See here, let me show you +mine." + +And Abbie produced her little pocket Bible, and pointed with her +finger while Ester read; "When I am weak, then am I strong." Then +turning the leaves rapidly, as one familiar with the strongholds of +that tower of safety, she pointed again, and Ester read: "What time I +am afraid, I will trust in thee." + +Almost five o'clock of a sultry October day, one of those days which +come to us sometimes during that golden month, like a regretful +turning back of the departing summer. A day which, coming to people +who have much hard, pressing work, and who are wearied and almost +stifled with the summer's heat, makes them thoroughly uncomfortable, +not to say cross. Almost five o'clock, and in the great dining-room of +the Rieds Sadie was rushing nervously back and forth, very much in +the same manner that Ester was doing on that first evening of our +acquaintance, only there was not so much method in her rushing. The +curtains were raised as high as the tapes would take them, and the +slant rays of the yellow sun were streaming boldly in, doing their +bravest to melt into oil the balls of butter on the table, for poor, +tired, bewildered Sadie had forgotten to let down the shades, and +forgotten the ice for the butter, and had laid the table cloth +crookedly, and had no time to straighten it. This had been one of +her trying days. The last fierce look of summer had parched anew +the fevered limbs of the sufferer up stairs, and roused to sharper +conflict the bewildered brain. Mrs. Ried's care had been earnest and +unremitting, and Sadie, in her unaccustomed position of mistress below +stairs, had reached the very verge of bewildered weariness. She gave +nervous glances at the inexorable clock as she flew back and forth. +There were those among Mrs. Ried's boarders whose business made +it almost a necessity that they should be promptly served at five +o'clock. Maggie had been hurriedly summoned to do an imperative errand +connected with the sick room; and this inexperienced butterfly, with +her wings sadly drooping, was trying to gather her scattered wits +together sufficiently to get that dreadful tea-table ready for the +thirteen boarders who were already waiting the summons. + +"What _did_ I come after?" she asked herself impatiently, as she +pressed her hand to her frowning forehead, and stared about the pantry +in a vain attempt to decide what had brought her there in such hot +haste. "Oh, a spoon--no, a fork, I guess it was. Why, I don't remember +the forks at all. As sure as I'm here, I believe they are, too, +instead of being on the table; and--Oh, my patience, I believe those +biscuits are burning. I wonder if they are done. Oh, dear me!" And +the young lady, who was Mr. Hammond's star scholar, bent with puzzled, +burning face, and received hot whiffs of breath from the indignant +oven while she tried to discover whether the biscuits were ready to be +devoured. It was an engrossing employment. She did not hear the sound +of carriage wheels near the door, nor the banging of trunks on the +side piazza. She was half way across the dining-room, with her tin of +puffy biscuits in her hands, with the puzzled, doubtful look still on +her face, before she felt the touch of two soft, loving arms around +her neck, and turning quickly, she screamed, rather than said: "Oh, +Ester!" And suddenly seating her tin of biscuit on one chair and +herself on another, Sadie covered her face with both hands and +actually cried. + +"Why, Sadie, you poor dear child, what _can_ be the matter?" + +And Ester's voice was full of anxiety, for it was almost the first +time that she had ever seen tears on that bright young face. + +Sadie's first remark caused a sudden revulsion of feeling. Springing +suddenly to her feet, she bent anxious eyes on the chair full of +biscuit. + +"Oh, Ester," she said, "_are_ these biscuits done, or will they be +sticky and hateful in the middle?" + +_How_ Ester laughed! Then she came to the rescue. "_Done_--of course +they are, and beautifully, too. Did you make them? Here, I'll take +them out. Sadie, where is mother?" + +"In Mr. Holland's room. She has been there nearly all day. Mr. Holland +is no better, and Maggie has gone on an errand for them. Why have you +come? Did the fairies send you?" + +"And where are the children?" + +"They have gone to walk. Minie wanted mother every other minute, +so Alfred and Julia have carried her off with them. Say, you _dear_ +Ester, how _did_ you happen to come? How shall I be glad enough to see +you?" + +Ester laughed. "Then I can't see any of them," she said by way of +answer. "Never mind, then we'll have some tea. You poor child, how +very tired you look. Just seat yourself in that chair, and see if I +have forgotten how to work." + +And Sadie, who was thoroughly tired, and more nervous than she had any +idea she could be, leaned luxuriously back in her mother's chair, with +a delicious sense of unresponsibility about her, and watched a magic +spell come over the room. Down came the shades in a twinkling, and the +low red sun looked in on them no more; the table-cloth straightened +itself; pickles and cheese and cake got out of their confused +proximity, and marched each to their appropriate niche on the +well-ordered table; a flying visit into well-remembered regions +returned hard, sparkling, ice-crowned butter. And when at last the +fragrant tea stood ready to be served, and Ester, bright and smiling, +stationed herself behind her mother's chair, Sadie gave a little +relieved sigh, and then she laughed. + +"You're straight from fairy land, Ester; I know it now. That +table-cloth has been crooked in spite of me for a week. Maggie lays +it, and I _can not_ straighten it. I don't get to it. I travel five +hundred miles every night to get this supper ready, and it's never +ready. I have to bob up for a fork or a spoon, or I put on four plates +of butter and none of bread. Oh there is witch work about it, and +none but thoroughbred witches can get every thing, every little +insignificant, indispensable thing on a table. I can't keep house." + +"You poor kitten," said Ester, filled with very tender sympathy for +this pretty young sister and feeling very glad indeed that she had +come home, "Who would think of expecting a butterfly to spin? You +shall bring those dear books down from the attic to-morrow. In the +meantime, where is the tea-bell?" + +"Oh, we don't ring," said Sadie, rising as she spoke. "The noise +disturbs Mr. Holland. Here comes my first lieutenant, who takes charge +of that matter. My sister, Miss Ried, Dr. Douglass." + +And Ester, as she returned the low, deferential bow bestowed upon her, +felt anew the thrill of anxiety which had come to her of late when she +thought of this dangerous stranger in connection with her beautiful, +giddy, unchristian sister. + +On the whole, Ester's home coming was pleasant. To be sure it was a +wonderful change from her late life; and there was perhaps just the +faintest bit of a sigh as she drew off her dainty cuffs and prepared +to wipe the dishes which Sadie washed, while Maggie finished her +interrupted ironing. What would John, the stylish waiter at Uncle +Ralph's, think if he could see her now, and how funny Abbie would look +engaged in such employment; but Sadie looked so bright and relieved +and rested, and chatted so gayly, that presently Ester gave another +little sigh and said: + +"Poor Abbie! how very, _very_ lonely she must be to-night. I wish she +were here for you to cheer her, Sadie." + +Later, while she dipped into the flour preparatory to relieving Sadie +of her fearful task of sponge setting, the kitchen clock struck seven. +This time she laughed at the contrast. They were just going down to +dinner now at Uncle Ralph's. Only night before last she was there +herself. She had been out that day with Aunt Helen, and so was attired +in the lovely blue silk and the real laces, which were Aunt Helen's +gift, fastened at the throat by a tiny pearl, Abbie's last offering. +Now they were sitting down to dinner without her, and she was in the +great pantry five hundred miles away, a long, wide calico apron quite +covering up her traveling dress, sleeves rolled above her elbows, +and engaged in scooping flour out of the barrel into her great wooden +bowl! But then how her mother's weary, careworn face had brightened, +and glowed into pleased surprise as she caught the first glimpse of +her; how lovingly she had folded her in those dear _motherly_ arms, +and said, actually with lips all a tremble: "My _dear_ daughter! what +an unexpected blessing, and what a kind providence, that you have come +just now." Then Alfred and Julia had been as eager and jubilant +in their greeting as though Ester had been always to them the very +perfection of a sister; and hadn't little Minie crumpled her dainty +collar into an unsightly rag, and given her "Scotch kisses," and +"Dutch kisses," and "Yankee kisses," and genuine, sweet baby kisses, +in her uncontrollable glee over dear "Auntie Essie." + +And besides, oh besides! this Ester Ried who had come home was not +the Ester Ried who had gone out from them only two months ago. A +whole lifetime of experience and discipline seemed to her to have been +crowded into those two months. Nothing of her past awakened more keen +regret in this young girl's heart than the thought of her undutiful, +unsisterly life. It was all to be different now. She thanked God that +he had let her come back to that very kitchen and dining-room to undo +her former work. The old sluggish, selfish spirit had gone from her. +Before this every thing had been done for Ester Ried, now it was to be +done for Christ--_every thing_, even the mixing up of that flour and +water; for was not the word given: "_Whatsoever_ ye do, do all to the +glory of God?" How broad that word was, "whatsoever." Why that covered +every movement--yes, and every word. How _could_ life have seemed to +her dull and uninteresting and profitless? + +Sadie hushed her busy tongue that evening as she saw in the moonlight +Ester kneeling to pray; and a kind of awe stole over her for a +moment as she saw that the kneeler seemed unconscious of any earthly +presence. Somehow it struck Sadie as a different matter from any +kneeling which she had ever watched in the moonlight before. + +And Ester, as she rested her tired, happy head upon her own pillow, +felt this word ringing sweetly in her heart: "And ye are Christ's, and +Christ is God's." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +TESTED. + + +Ester was winding the last smooth coil of hair around her head when +Sadie opened her eyes the next morning. + +"My!" she said. "Do you know, Ester, it is perfectly delightful to +me to lie here and look at you, and remember that I shall not be +responsible for those cakes this morning? They shall want a pint of +soda added to them for all that I shall need to know or care." + +Ester laughed. "You will surely have _your_ pantry well stocked +with soda," she said, gayly. "It seems to have made a very strong +impression on your mind." + +But the greeting had chimed with her previous thoughts and sounded +pleasant to her. She had come home to be the helper; her mother and +Sadie should feel and realize after this how very much of a helper +she could be. That very day should be the commencement of her old, new +life. It was baking day--her detestation heretofore, her pleasure now. +No more useful day could be chosen. How she would dispatch the pies +and cakes and biscuits, to say nothing of the wonderful loaves of +bread. She smiled brightly on her young sister, as she realized in +a measure the weight of care which she was about to lift from her +shoulders; and by the time she was ready for the duties of the day she +had lived over in imagination the entire routine of duties connected +with that busy, useful, happy day. She went out from her little +clothes-press wrapped in armor--the pantry and kitchen were to be +her battle-field, and a whole host of old temptations and trials +were there to be met and vanquished. So Ester planned, and yet it so +happened that she did not once enter the kitchen during all that long +busy day, and Sadie's young shoulders bore more of the hundred +little burdens of life that Saturday than they had ever felt before. +Descending the stairs, Ester met Dr. Van Anden for the first time +since her return. He greeted her with a hurried "good-morning," quite +as if he had seen her only the day before, and at once pressed her +into service: + +"Miss Ester, will you go to Mr. Holland immediately? I can not find +your mother. Send Mrs. Holland from the room, she excites him. Tell +her _I_ say she must come immediately to the sitting-room; I wish to +see her. Give Mr. Holland a half teaspoonful of the mixture in the +wine-glass every ten minutes, and on no account leave him until I +return, which will be as soon as possible." + +And seeming to be certain that his directions would be followed, the +doctor vanished. + +For only about a quarter of a minute did Ester stand irresolute. Dr. +Van Anden's tone and manner were full of his usual authority--a habit +with him which had always annoyed her. She shrank with a feeling +amounting almost to terror from a dark, quiet room, and the position +of nurse. Her base of operations, according to her own arrangements, +had been the light, airy kitchen, where she felt herself needed at +this very moment. But one can think of several things in a quarter +of a minute. Ester had very lately taken up the habit of securing one +Bible verse as part of her armor to go with her through the day. On +this particular morning the verse was: "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to +do, do it with thy might." Now if her hands had found work waiting for +her down this first flight of stairs instead of down two, as she had +planned, what was that to her? Ester turned and went swiftly to +the sick room, dispatched the almost frantic wife according to the +doctor's peremptory orders, gave the mixture as directed, waited +patiently for the doctor's return, only to hear herself installed as +head nurse for the day; given just time enough to take a very hurried +second table meal with Sadie, listen to her half pitiful, half comic +complainings, and learn that her mother was down with sick headache. + +So it was that this first day at home drew toward its closing; and not +one single thing that Ester had planned to do, and do so well, had she +been able to accomplish. It had been very hard to sit patiently there +and watch the low breathings of that almost motionless man on the bed +before her, to rouse him at set intervals sufficiently to pour some +mixture down his unwilling lips, to fan him occasionally, and that +was all. It had been hard, but Ester had not chafed under it; she had +recognized the necessity--no nurse to be found, her mother sick, and +the young, frightened, as well as worn-out wife, not to be trusted. +Clearly she was at the post of duty. So as the red sun peeped in a +good-night from a little corner of the closed curtain, it found Ester +not angry, but _very_ sad. _Such_ a weary day! And this man on the +bed was dying; both doctors had _looked_ that at each other at least +a dozen times that day. How her life of late was being mixed up with +death. She had just passed through one sharp lesson, and here at the +threshold awaited another. Different from that last though--oh, _very_ +different--and herein lay some of the sadness. Mr. Foster had said +"every thing was ready for the long journey, even should there be no +return." Then she went back for a minute to the look of glory on that +marble face, and heard again that wonderful sentence: "_So_ he giveth +his beloved sleep." But this man here! every thing had not been made +ready by him. So at least she feared. Yet she was conscious, professed +Christian though she had been, living in the same house with him for +so many years, that she knew very little about him. She had seen much +of him, had talked much with him, but she had never mentioned to him +the name of Christ, the name after which she called herself. The sun +sank lower, it was almost gone; this weary day was nearly done; and +very sad and heavy-hearted felt this young watcher--the day begun in +brightness was closing in gloom. It was not all so clear a path as +she had thought; there were some things that she could not undo. Those +days of opportunity, in which she might at least have invited this man +to Jesus, were gone; it seemed altogether probable that there would +never come another. There was a little rustle of the drapery about the +bed, and she turned suddenly, to meet the great searching eyes of the +sick man, bent full upon her. Then he spoke in low, but wonderfully +distinct and solemn tones. And the words he slowly uttered were yet +more startling: + +"Am I going to die?" + +Oh, what _was_ Ester to say? How those great bright eyes searched her +soul! Looking into them, feeling the awful solemnity of the question, +she could not answer "No;" and it seemed almost equally impossible +to tell him "Yes." So the silence was unbroken, while she trembled +in every nerve, and felt her face blanch before the continued gaze of +those mournful eyes. At length the silence seemed to answer him; +for he turned his head suddenly from her, and half buried it in the +pillow, and neither spoke nor moved. + +That awful silence! That moment of opportunity, perhaps the last of +earth for him, perhaps it was given to her to speak to him the last +words that he would ever hear from mortal lips. What _could_ she say? +If she only knew how--only had words. Yet _something_ must be said. + +Then there came to Ester one of those marked Bible verses which had of +late grown so precious, and her voice, low and clear, filled the blank +in the room. + +"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." + +No sound from the quiet figure on the bed. She could not even tell if +he had heard, yet perhaps he might, and so she gathered them, a little +string of wondrous pearls, and let them fall with soft and gentle +cadence from her lips. + +"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring +it to pass." + +"The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him--the Lord is +gracious, and full of compassion." + +"Thus saith the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, I, even +I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and +will not remember thy sins." + +"Look unto me and be ye saved, all ye ends of the earth; for I am God, +and there is none else." + +"Incline your ear, and come unto me; hear, and your soul shall live." + +Silence for a moment, and then Ester repeated, in tones that were full +of sweetness, that one little verse, which had become the embodiment +to her of all that was tender, and soothing and wonderful: "What time +I am afraid I will trust in thee." Was this man, moving toward the +very verge of the river, afraid? Ester did not know, was not to know +whether those gracious invitations from the Redeemer of the world had +fallen once more on unheeding ears, or not; for with a little sigh, +born partly of relief, and partly of sorrow, that the opportunity was +gone, she turned to meet Dr. Van Anden, and was sent for a few moments +out into the light and glory of the departing day, to catch a bit of +its freshness. + +It was as the last midnight stroke of that long, long day was being +given, that they were gathered about the dying bed. Sadie was there, +solemn and awe-stricken. Mrs. Ried had arisen from her couch of +suffering, and nerved herself to be a support to the poor young wife. +Dr. Douglass, at the side of the sick man, kept anxious watch over +the fluttering pulse. Ester, on the other side, looked on in helpless +pity, and other friends of the Hollands were grouped about the room. +So they watched and waited for the swift down-coming of the angel of +death The death damp had gathered on his brow, the pulse seemed but +a faint tremble now and then, and those whose eyes were used to death +thought that his lips would never frame mortal sound again, when +suddenly the eyelids raised, and Mr. Holland, fixing a steady gaze +upon the eyes bent on him from the foot of the bed, whither Ester had +slipped to make more room for her mother and Mrs. Holland, said, in a +clear, distinct tone, one unmistakable word--"Pray!" + +Will Ester ever forget the start of terror which thrilled her frame as +she felt that look and heard that word? She cast a quick, frightened +glance around her of inquiry and appeal; but her mother and herself +were the only ones present whom she had reason to think ever prayed. +Could she, _would_ she, that gentle, timid, shrinking mother? But Mrs. +Ried was supporting the now almost fainting form of Mrs. Holland, and +giving anxious attention to her. "He says pray!" Sadie murmured, in +low, frightened tones. "Oh, where is Dr. Van Anden?" + +Ester knew he had been called in great haste to the house across the +way, and ere he could return, this waiting spirit might be gone--gone +without a word of prayer. Would Ester want to die so, with no voice to +cry for her to that listening Savior? But then no human being had +ever heard her pray. Could she?--must she? Oh, for Dr. Van Anden--a +Christian doctor! Oh, if that infidel stood anywhere but there, with +his steady hand clasping the fluttering pulse, with his cool, calm +eyes bent curiously on her--but Mr. Holland was dying; perhaps the +everlasting arms were not underneath him--and at this fearful thought, +Ester dropped upon her knees, giving utterance to her deepest need in +the first uttered words, "Oh, Holy Spirit, teach me just what to say!" +Her mother, listening with startled senses as the familiar voice fell +on her ear, could but think that _that_ petition was answered; and +Ester felt it in her very soul, Dr. Douglass, her mother, Sadie, all +of them were as nothing--there was only this dying man and Christ, and +she pleading that the passing soul might be met even now by the Angel +of the covenant. There were those in the room who never forgot that +prayer of Ester's. Dr. Van Anden, entering hastily, paused midway in +the room, taking in the scene in an instant of time, and then was +on his knees, uniting his silent petitions with hers. So fervent and +persistent was the cry for help, that even the sobs of the stricken +wife were hushed in awe, and only the watching doctor, with his finger +on the pulse, knew when the last fluttering beat died out, and the +death-angel pressed his triumphant seal on pallid lip and brow. + +"Dr. Van Anden," Ester said, as they stood together for a moment +the next morning, waiting in the chamber of death for Mrs. Ried's +directions--. "Was--Did he," with an inclination of her head toward +the silent occupant of the couch, "Did he ever think he was a +Christian?" + +The doctor bent on her a grave, sad look, and slowly shook his head. + +"Oh, Doctor! you can not think that he--" and Ester stopped, her face +blanching with the fearfulness of her thought. + +"Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" This was the +doctor's solemn answer. After a moment, he added: "Perhaps that one +eagerly-spoken word, 'Pray,' said as much to the ears of Him +whose thoughts are not as our thoughts, as did that old-time +petition--'Remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.'" + +Ester never forgot that and the following day, while the corpse of one +whom she had known so well lay in the house; and when she followed +him to the quiet grave, and watched the red and yellow autumn leaves +flutter down around his coffin--dead leaves, dead flowers, dead hopes, +death every-where--not just a going up higher, as Mr. Foster's death +had been--this was solemn and inexorable death. More than ever she +felt how impossible it was to call back the days that had slipped away +while she slept, and do their neglected duties. She had come for this, +full of hope; and now one of those whom she had met many times each +day for years, and never said Jesus to, was at this moment being +lowered into his narrow house, and, though God had graciously given +her an inch of time, and strength to use it, it was as nothing +compared with those wasted years, and she could never know, at least +never until the call came for her, whether or not at the eleventh hour +this "poor man cried, and the Lord heard him," and received him into +Paradise. + +Dr. Van Anden moved around to where she was standing, with tightly +clasped hands and colorless lips. He had been watching her, and this +was what he said: "Ester, shall you and I ever stand again beside a +new-made grave, receiving one whom we have known ever so slightly, and +have to settle with our consciences and our Savior, because we have +not invited that one to come to Jesus?" + +And Ester answered, with firmly-drawn lips "As that Savior hears me, +and will help me _never_!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +"LITTLE PLUM PIES." + + +Ester was in the kitchen trimming off the puffy crusts of endless +pies--the old brown calico morning dress, the same huge bib apron +which had been through endless similar scrapes with her--every thing +about her looking exactly as it had three months ago, and yet so far +as Ester and her future--yes, and the future of every one about +her was concerned, things were very different. Perhaps Sadie had a +glimmering of some strange change as she eyed her sister curiously, +and took note that there was a different light in her eye, and a sort +of smoothness on the quiet face that she had never noticed before. In +fact, Sadie missed some wrinkles which she had supposed were part and +parcel of Ester's self. + +"How I _did_ hate that part of it," she remarked, watching the fingers +that moved deftly around each completed sphere. "Mother said my edges +always looked as if a mouse had marched around them nibbling all the +way. My! how thoroughly I hate housekeeping. I pity the one who takes +me for better or worse--always provided there exists such a poor +victim on the face of the earth." + +"I don't think you hate it half so much as you imagine," Ester +answered kindly. "Any way you did nicely. Mother says you were a great +comfort to her." + +There was a sudden mist before Sadie's eyes. + +"Did mother say that?" she queried. "The blessed woman, what a very +little it takes to make a comfort for her. Ester, I declare to you, +if ever angels get into kitchens and pantries, and the like, mother +is one of them. The way she bore with my endless blunderings was +perfectly angelic. I'm glad, though, that her day of martyrdom is +over, and mine, too, for that matter." + +And Sadie, who had returned to the kingdom of spotless dresses and +snowy cuffs, and, above all, to the dear books and the academy, caught +at that moment the sound of the academy bell, and flitted away. Ester +filled the oven with pies, then went to the side doorway to get a +peep at the glowing world. It was the very perfection of a day--autumn +meant to die in wondrous beauty that year. Ester folded her bare arms +and gazed. She felt little thrills of a new kind of restlessness all +about her this morning. She wanted to do something grand, something +splendidly good. It was all very well to make good pies; she had done +that, given them the benefit of her highest skill in that line--now +they were being perfected in the oven, and she waited for something. +If ever a girl longed for an opportunity to show her colors, to honor +her leader, it was our Ester. Oh yes, she meant to do the duty that +lay next her, but she perfectly ached to have that next duty something +grand, something that would show all about her what a new life she had +taken on. + +Dr. Van Anden was tramping about in his room, over the side piazza, a +very unusual proceeding with him at that hour of the day; his windows +were open, and he was singing, and the fresh lake wind brought tune +and words right down to Ester's ear: + + "I would not have the restless will + That hurries to and fro, + Seeking for some great thing to do, + Or wondrous thing to know; + I would be guided as a child, + And led where'er I go. + + "I ask thee for the daily strength, + To none that ask denied, + A mind to blend with outward life, + While keeping at thy side; + Content to fill a little space + If thou be glorified." + +Of course Dr. Van Anden did not know that Ester Ried stood in the +doorway below, and was at that precise moment in need of just such +help as this; but then what mattered that, so long as the Master did? + +Just then another sense belonging to Ester did its duty, and gave +notice that the pies in the oven were burning; and she ran to their +rescue, humming meantime: + + "Content to fill a little space + If thou be glorified." + +Eleven o'clock found her busily paring potatoes--hurrying a little, +for in spite of swift, busy fingers their work was getting a little +the best of Maggie and her, and one pair of very helpful hands was +missing. + +Alfred and Julia appeared from somewhere in the outer regions, and +Ester was too busy to see that they both carried rather woe-begone +faces. + +"Hasn't mother got back yet?" queried Alfred. + +"Why, no," said Ester. "She will not be back until to-night--perhaps +not then. Didn't you know Mrs. Carleton was worse?" + +Alfred kicked his heels against the kitchen door in a most +disconsolate manner. + +"Somebody's always sick," he grumbled out at last. "A fellow might as +well not have a mother. I never saw the beat--nobody for miles around +here can have the toothache without borrowing mother. I'm just sick +and tired of it." + +Ester had nearly laughed, but catching a glimpse of the forlorn face, +she thought better of it, and said: + +"Something is awry now, I know. You never want mother in such a +hopeless way as that unless you're in trouble; so you see you are just +like the rest of them, every body wants mother when they are in any +difficulty." + +"But she is my mother, and I have a right to her, and the rest of 'em +haven't." + +"Well," said Ester, soothingly, "suppose I be mother this time. Tell +me what's the matter and I'll act as much like her as possible." + +"_You_!" And thereupon Alfred gave a most uncomplimentary sniff. +"Queer work you'd make of it." + +"Try me," was the good-natured reply. + +"I ain't going to. I know well enough you'd say 'fiddlesticks' or +'nonsense,' or some such word, and finish up with 'Just get out of my +way.'" + +Now, although Ester's cheeks were pretty red over this exact imitation +of her former ungracious self, she still answered briskly: + +"Very well, suppose I should make such a very rude and unmotherlike +reply, fiddlesticks and nonsense would not shoot you, would they?" + +At which sentence Alfred stopped kicking his heels against the door, +and laughed. + +"Tell us all about it," continued Ester, following up her advantage. + +"Nothing to tell, much, only all the folks are going a sail on the +lake this afternoon, and going to have a picnic in the grove, the very +last one before snow, and I meant to ask mother to let us go, only how +was I going to know that Mrs. Carleton would get sick and come away +down here after her before daylight; and I know she would have let +me go, too; and they're going to take things, a basketful each one of +'em--and they wanted me to bring little bits of pies, such as mother +bakes in little round tins, you know, plum pies, and she would have +made me some, I know; she always does; but now she's gone, and it's +all up, and I shall have to stay at home like I always do, just for +sick folks. It's mean, any how." + +Ester smothered a laugh over this curious jumble, and asked a humble +question: + +"Is there really nothing that would do for your basket but little bits +of plum pies?" + +"No," Alfred explained, earnestly. "Because, you see, they've got +plenty of cake and such stuff; the girls bring that, and they do like +my pies, awfully. I most always take 'em. Mr. Hammond likes them, +too; he's going along to take care of us, and I shouldn't like to go +without the little pies, because they depend upon them." + +"Oh," said Ester, "girls go, too, do they?" And she looked for the +first time at the long, sad face of Julia in the corner. + +"Yes, and Jule is in just as much trouble as I am, cause they are all +going to wear white dresses, and she's tore hers, and she says she +can't wear it till it's ironed, cause it looks like a rope, and Maggie +says she can't and won't iron it to-day, _so_; and mother was going +to mend it this very morning, and--. Oh, fudge! it's no use talking, +we've got to stay at home, Jule, so now." And the kicking heels +commenced again. + +Ester pared her last potato with a half troubled, half amused face. +She was thoroughly tired of baking for that day, and felt like saying +fiddlesticks to the little plum pies; and that white dress was torn +cris-cross and every way, and ironing was always hateful; besides it +_did_ seem strange that when she wanted to do some great, nice thing, +so much plum pies and torn dresses should step right into her path. +Then unconsciously she repeated: + + "Content to fill a _little_ space + If _Thou_ art glorified." + +_Could_ He be glorified, though, by such very little things? Yet +hadn't she wanted to gain an influence over Alfred and Julia, and +wasn't this her first opportunity; besides there was that verse: +"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do--." At that point her thoughts took +shape in words. + +"Well, sir, we'll see whether mother is the only woman in this world +after all. You tramp down cellar and bring me up that stone jar on the +second shelf, and we'll have those pies in the oven in a twinkling; +and that little woman in the corner, with two tears rolling down her +cheeks, may bring her white dress and my work-box and thimble, and put +two irons on the stove, and my word for it you shall both be ready by +three o'clock, spry and span, pies and all." + +By three o'clock on the afternoon in question Ester was thoroughly +tired, but little plum pies by the dozen were cuddling among snowy +napkins in the willow basket, and Alfred's face was radiant as he +expressed his satisfaction, after this fashion: + +"You're just jolly, Ester! I didn't know you could be so good. Won't +the boys chuckle over these pies, though? Ester, there's just seven +more than mother ever made me." + +"Very well," answered Ester, gayly; "then there will be just seven +more chuckles this time than usual." + +Julia expressed her thoughts in a way more like her. She surveyed +her skillfully-mended and beautifully smooth white dress with smiling +eyes; and as Ester tied the blue sash in a dainty knot, and stepped +back to see that all was as it should be, she was suddenly confronted +with this question: + +"Ester, what does make you so nice to-day; you didn't ever used to be +so?" + +How the blood rushed into Ester's cheeks as she struggled with her +desire to either laugh or cry, she hardly knew which. These were very +little things which she had done, and it was shameful that, in all the +years of her elder sisterhood, she had never sacrificed even so little +of her own pleasure before; yet it was true, and it made her feel like +crying--and yet there was rather a ludicrous side to the question, to +think that all her beautiful plans for the day had culminated in plum +pies and ironing. She stooped and kissed Julia on the rosy cheek, and +answered gently, moved by some inward impulse: + +"I am trying to do all my work for Jesus nowadays." + +"You didn't mend my dress and iron it, and curl my hair, and fix my +sash, for him, did you?" + +"Yes; every little thing." + +"Why, I don't see how. I thought you did them for me." + +"I did, Julia, to please you and make you happy; but Jesus says that +that is just the same as doing it for him." + +Julia's next question was very searching: + +"But, Ester, I thought you had been a member of the church a good +many years. Sadie said so. Didn't you ever try to do things for Jesus +before?" + +A burning blush of genuine shame mantled Ester's face, but she +answered quickly: + +"No; I don't think I ever really did." + +Julia eyed her for a moment with a look of grave wonderment, then +suddenly stood on tiptoe to return the kiss, as she said: + +"Well, I think it is nice, anyway. If Jesus likes to have you be so +kind and take so much trouble for me, why then he must love me, and I +mean to thank him this very night when I say my prayers." + +And as Ester rested for a moment in the arm-chair on the piazza, and +watched her little brother and sister move briskly off, she hummed +again those two lines that had been making unconscious music in her +heart all day: + + "Content to fill a _little_ space + If Thou be glorified." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + +CROSSES. + + +The large church was _very_ full; there seemed not to be another space +for a human being. People who were not much given to frequenting the +house of God on a week-day evening, had certainly been drawn thither +at this time. Sadie Ried sat beside Ester in their mother's pew, and +Harry Arnett, with a sober look on his boyish face, sat bolt upright +in the end of the pew, while even Dr. Douglass leaned forward with +graceful nonchalance from the seat behind them, and now and then +addressed a word to Sadie. + +These people had been listening to such a sermon as is very seldom +heard--that blessed man of God whose name is dear to hundreds and +thousands of people, whose hair is whitened with the frosts of many +a year spent in the Master's service, whose voice and brain and heart +are yet strong, and powerful, and "mighty through God," the Rev. Mr. +Parker, had been speaking to them, and his theme had been the soul, +and his text had been: "What shall it profit a man if he gain the +whole world and lose his own soul?" + +I hope I am writing for many who have had the honor of hearing that +appeal fresh from the great brain and greater heart of Mr. Parker. +Such will understand the spell under which his congregation sat even +after the prayer and hymn had died into silence. Now the gray-haired +veteran stood bending over the pulpit, waiting for the Christian +witnesses to the truth of his solemn messages; and for that he seemed +likely to wait. A few earnest men, veterans too in the cause, gave +in their testimony--and then occurred one of those miserable, +disheartening, disgraceful pauses which are met with nowhere on earth +among a company of intelligent men and women, with liberty given them +to talk, save in a prayer-meeting! Still silence, and still the aged +servant stood with one arm resting on the Bible, and looked down +almost beseechingly upon that crowd of dumb Christians. + +"Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord," he repeated, in earnest, +pleading tones. + +Miserable witnesses they! Was not the Lord ashamed of them all, I +wonder? Something like this flitted through Ester's brain as she +looked around upon that faithless company, and noted here and there +one who certainly ought to "take up his cross." Then some slight idea +of the folly of that expression struck her. What a fearful cross +it was, to be sure! What a strange idea to use the same word in +describing it that was used for that blood-stained, nail-pierced cross +on Calvary. Then a thought, very startling in its significance, came +to her. Was that cross borne only for men? were they the only ones +who had a thank-offering because of Calvary? Surely _her_ Savior hung +there, and bled, and groaned, and died for HER. Why should not she +say, "By his stripes _I_ am healed?" What if she should? What would +people think? No, not that either. What would Jesus think? that, after +all, was the important question. Did she really believe that if she +should say in the hearing of that assembled company, "I love Jesus," +that Jesus, looking down upon her, and hearing how her timid voice +broke the dishonoring silence, would be displeased, would set it down +among the long list of "ought not to have" dones? She tried to imagine +herself speaking to him in her closet after this manner: "Dear Savior, +I confess with shame that I have brought reproach upon thy name this +day, for I said, in the presence of a great company of witnesses, that +I loved thee!" In defiance of her education and former belief upon +this subject, Ester was obliged to confess, then and there, that +all this was extremely ridiculous. "Oh, well," said Satan, "it's not +exactly _wrong_, of course; but then it isn't very modest or ladylike; +and, besides, it is unnecessary. There are plenty of men to do the +talking." "But," said common sense, "I don't see why it's a bit more +unladylike than the ladies' colloquy at the lyceum was last evening. +There were more people present than are here tonight; and as for the +men, they are perfectly mum. There seems to be plenty of opportunity +for somebody." "Well," said Satan, "it isn't customary at least, and +people will think strangely of you. Doubtless it would do more harm +than good." + +This most potent argument, "People will think strangely of you," +smothered common sense at once, as it is apt to do, and Ester raised +her head from the bowed position which it had occupied during this +whirl of thought, and considered the question settled. Some one began +to sing, and of all the words that _could_ have been chosen, came the +most unfortunate ones for this decision: + + "On my head he poured his blessing, + Long time ago; + Now he calls me to confess him + Before I go. + My past life, all vile and hateful, + He saved from sin; + I should be the most ungrateful + Not to own him. + Death and hell he bade defiance, + Bore cross and pain; + Shame my tongue this guilty silence, + And speak his name." + +This at once renewed the struggle, but in a different form. She no +longer said, "Ought I?" but, "Can I?" Still the spell of silence +seemed unbroken save by here and there a voice, and still Ester +parleyed with her conscience, getting as far now as to say: "When +Mr. Jones sits down, if there is another silence, I will try to say +something"--not quite meaning, though, to do any such thing, and +proving her word false by sitting very still after Mr. Jones sat down, +though there was plenty of silence. Then when Mr. Smith said a few +words, Ester whispered the same assurance to herself, with exactly the +same result. The something _decided_ for which she had been longing, +the opportunity to show the world just where she stood, had come at +last, and this was the way in which she was meeting it. At last +she knew by the heavy thuds which her heart began to give, that the +question was decided, that the very moment Deacon Graves sat down she +would rise; whether she would say any thing or not would depend upon +whether God gave her any thing to say--but at least she could stand +up for Jesus. But Mr. Parker's voice followed Deacon Graves'; and this +was what he said: + +"Am I to understand by your silence that there is not a Christian man +or woman in all this company who has an unconverted friend whom he or +she would like to have us pray for?" + +Then the watching Angel of the Covenant came to the help of this +trembling, struggling Ester, and there entered into her heart such a +sudden and overwhelming sense of longing for Sadie's conversion, that +all thought of what she would say, and how she would say it, and +what people would think, passed utterly out of her mind; and rising +suddenly, she spoke, in clear and wonderfully earnest tones: + +"Will you pray for a dear, dear friend?" + +God sometimes uses very humble means with which to break the spell of +silence which Satan so often weaves around Christians; it was as if +they had all suddenly awakened to a sense of their privileges. + +Dr. Van Anden said, in a voice which quivered with feeling: "I have +a brother in the profession for whom I ask your prayers that he may +become acquainted with the great Physician." + +Request followed request for husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, +and children. Even timid, meek-faced, low-voiced Mrs. Ried murmured +a request for her children who were out of Christ. And when at last +Harry Arnett suddenly lifted his handsome boyish head from its bowed +position, and said in tones which conveyed the sense of a decision, +"Pray for _me_" the last film of worldliness vanished; and there are +those living to-day who have reason never to forget that meeting. + +"Is it your private opinion that our good doctor got up a streak of +disinterested enthusiasm over my unworthy self this evening?" This +question Dr. Douglass asked of Sadie as they lingered on the piazza in +the moonlight. + +Sadie laughed gleefully. "I am sure I don't know. I'm prepared for any +thing strange that can possibly happen. Mother and Ester between them +have turned the world upside down for me to-night. In case you are the +happy man, I hope you are grateful?" + +"Extremely! Should be more so perhaps if people would be just to me in +private, and not so alarmingly generous in public." + +"How bitter you are against Dr. Van Anden," Sadie said, watching the +lowering brow and sarcastic curve of the lip, with curious eyes. "How +much I should like to know precisely what is the trouble between you!" + +Dr. Douglass instantly recovered his suavity. "Do I appear bitter? +I beg your pardon for exhibiting so ungentlemanly a phase of human +nature; yet hypocrisy does move me to--" And then occurred one of +those sudden periods with which Dr. Douglass always seemed to stop +himself when any thing not quite courteous was being said. "Just +forget that last sentence," he added. "It was unwise and unkind; the +trouble between us is not worthy of a thought of yours. I wish I could +forget it. I believe I could if he would allow me." + +At this particular moment the subject of the above conversation +appeared in the door. Sadie gave a slight start; the thought that +Dr. Van Anden had heard the talk was not pleasant. She need not have +feared, he had just come from his room, and from his knees. + +He spoke abruptly and with a touch of nervousness: "Dr. Douglass, may +I have a few words with you in private?" + +Dr. Douglass' "Certainly, if Miss Sadie will excuse us," was both +prompt and courteous apparently, though the tone said almost as +plainly as words could have done, "To what can I be indebted for this +honor?" + +Dr. Van Anden led the way into the brightly lighted vacant parlor; +and there Dr. Douglass stationed himself directly under the gas light, +where he could command a full view of the pale, somewhat anxious face +of his companion, and waited with that indescribable air made up of +nonchalance and insolence. Dr. Van Anden dashed into his subject: + +"Dr. Douglass, ten years ago you did what you could to injure me. I +thought then purposely, I think now that perhaps you were sincere. Be +that as it may, I used language to you then, which I, as a Christian +man, ought never to have used. I have repented it long ago, but in my +blindness I have never seen that I ought to apologize to you for it +until this evening. God has shown me my duty. Dr. Douglass, I ask your +pardon for the angry words I spoke to you that day." + +The gentleman addressed kept his full bright eyes fixed on Dr. Van +Anden, and answered him in the quietest and at the same time iciest of +tones: + +"You are certainly very kind, now that your anger has had time to cool +during these ten years, to accord to me the merit of being _possibly_ +sincere. Now I was more _Christian_ in my conclusions; I set you down +as an honest blunderer. That I have had occasion since to change my +opinion is nothing to the purpose but it would be pleasanter for both +of us if apologies could restore our friend, Mrs. Lyons to life." + +During this response Dr. Van Anden's face was a study. It had passed +in quick succession through so many shades of feeling, anxiety, anger, +disgust, and finally surprise, and apparently a dawning sense of a new +development, for he made the apparently irrelevant reply: + +"Do you think _I_ administered that chloroform?" + +Dr. Douglass' coolness forsook him for a moment "Who did?" he queried, +with flashing eyes. + +"Dr. Gilbert." + +"Dr. Gilbert?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"How does it happen that I never knew it?" + +"I am sure I do not know." Dr. Van Anden passed his hand across his +eyes, and spoke in sadness and weariness. "I had no conception that +you were not aware of it until this moment. It explains in part what +was strangely mysterious to me; but even in that case, it would have +been, as you said, a blunder, not a criminal act However, we can not +undo _that_ past. I desire, above all other things, to set myself +right in your eyes as a Christian man. I think I may have been a +stumbling-block to you. God only knows how bitter is the thought I +have done wrong; I should have acknowledged it years ago. I can +only do it now. Again I ask you. Dr. Douglass, will you pardon those +bitterly spoken words of mine?" + +Dr. Douglass bowed stiffly, with an increase of hauteur visible in +every line of his face. + +"Give yourself no uneasiness on that score, Dr. Van Anden, nor on any +other, I beg you, so far as I am concerned. My opinion of Christianity +is peculiar perhaps, but has not altered of late; nor is it likely to +do so. Of course, every gentleman is bound to accept the apology +of another, however tardily it may be offered. Shall I bid you +good-evening, sir?" + +And with a very low, very dignified bow, Dr. Douglass went back to +the piazza and Sadie. And groaning in spirit over the tardiness of his +effort, Dr. Van Anden returned to his room, and prayed that he might +renew his zeal and his longing for the conversion of that man's soul. + +"Have you been receiving a little fraternal advice?" queried Sadie, +her mischievous eyes dancing with fun over the supposed discomfiture +of one of the two gentlemen, she cared very little which. + +"Not at all. On the contrary, I have been giving a little of that +mixture in a rather unpalatable form, I fear. I haven't a very high +opinion of the world, Miss Sadie." + +"Including yourself, do you mean?" was Sadie's demure reply. + +Dr. Douglass looked the least bit annoyed; then he laughed, and +answered with quiet grace: + +"Yes, including even such an important individual as myself. However, +I have one merit which I consider very rare--sincerity." + +Sadie's face assumed a half puzzled, half amused expression, as she +tried by the moonlight to give a searching look at the handsome form +leaning against the pillar opposite her. + +"I wonder if you _are_ as sincere as you pretend to be?" was her next +complimentary sentence. "And also I wonder if the rest of the world +are as unlimited a set of humbugs as you suppose? How do you fancy you +happened to escape getting mixed up with the general humbugism of the +world? This Mr. Parker, now, talks as though he felt it and meant it." + +"He is a first-class fanatic of the most outrageous sort. There +ought to be a law forbidding such ranters to hold forth, on pain of +imprisonment for life." + +"Dr. Douglass," said Sadie, speaking with grave dignity, "I would +rather not hear you speak of that old gentleman in such a manner. He +may be a fanatic and a ranter, but I believe he means it, and I can't +help respecting him more than any cold-blooded moralist that I ever +met. Besides, I can not forget that my honored father was among the +despised class of whom you speak so scornfully." + +"My dear friend," and Dr. Douglass' tone was as gentle as her +mother's could have been, "forgive me if I have pained you; it was not +intentional. I do not know what I have been saying--some unkind things +perhaps, and that is always ungentlemanly; but I have been greatly +disturbed this evening, and that must be my apology. Pardon me +for detaining you so long in the evening air. May I advise you, +professionally, to go in immediately?" + +"May I advise you unselfishly to get into a better humor with +the world in general, and Dr. Van Anden in particular, before you +undertake to talk with a lady again?" Sadie answered in her usual +tones of raillery; all her dignity had departed. "Meantime, if you +would like to have unmolested possession of this piazza to assist you +in tramping off your evil spirit, you shall be indulged. I'm going to +the west side. The evening air and I are excellent friends." And with +a mocking laugh and bow Sadie departed. + +"I wonder," she soliloquized, returning to gravity the moment she was +alone, "I wonder what that man has been saying to him now? How unhappy +these two gentlemen make themselves. It would be a consolation to know +right from wrong. I just wish I believed in everybody as I used +to. The idea of this gray-headed minister being a hypocrite! that's +absurd. But then the idea of Dr. Van Anden being what he is! Well, +it's a queer world. I believe I'll go to bed." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + +GOD'S WAY. + + +Be it understood that Dr. Douglass was very much astonished, and not a +little disgusted with himself. As he marched defiantly up and down +the long piazza he tried to analyze his state of mind. He had always +supposed himself to be a man possessed of keen powers of discernment, +and yet withal exercising considerable charity toward his erring +fellow-men, willing to overlook faults and mistakes, priding himself +not a little on the kind and gentlemanly way in which he could meet +ruffled human nature of any sort. In fact, he dwelt on a sort of +pedestal, from the hight of which he looked calmly and excusingly +down on weaker mortals. This, until to-night: now he realized, in a +confused, blundering sort of way, that his pedestal had crumbled, or +that he had tumbled from its hight, or at least that something new and +strange had happened. For instance, what had become of his powers of +discernment? Here was this miserable doctor, who had been one of +the thorns of his life, whom he had looked down upon as a canting +hypocrite. Was he, after all, mistaken? The explanation of to-night +looked like it; he had been deceived in that matter which had years +ago come between them; he could see it very plainly now. In spite +of himself, the doctor's earnest, manly apology would come back and +repeat itself to his brain, and demand admiration. + +Now Dr. Douglass was honestly amazed at himself, because he was not +pleased with this state of things. Why was he not glad to discover +that Dr. Van Anden was more of a man than he had ever supposed? This +would certainly be in keeping with the character of the courteous, +unprejudiced gentleman that he had hitherto considered himself to be; +but there was no avoiding the fact that the very thought of Dr. Van +Anden was exasperating, more so this evening than ever before. And +the more his judgment became convinced that he had blundered, the more +vexed did he become. + +"Confound everybody!" he exclaimed at length, in utter disgust. "What +on earth do I care for the contemptible puppy, that I should waste +thought on him. What possessed the fellow to come whining around me +to-night, and set me in a whirl of disagreeable thought? I ought to +have knocked him down for his insufferable impudence in dragging me +out publicly in that meeting." This he said aloud; but something made +answer down in his heart: "Oh, it's very silly of you to talk in this +way. You know perfectly well that Dr. Van Anden is not a contemptible +puppy at all. He is a thoroughly educated, talented physician, a +formidable rival, and you know it; and he didn't whine in the least +this evening; he made a very manly apology for what was not so very +bad after all, and you more than half suspect yourself of admiring +him." + +"Fiddlesticks!" said Dr. Douglass aloud to all this information, and +went off to his room in high dudgeon. + +The next two days seemed to be very busy ones to one member of +the Ried family. Dr. Douglass sometimes appeared at meal time and +sometimes not, but the parlor and the piazza were quite deserted, +and even his own room saw little of him. Sadie, when she chanced by +accident to meet him on the stairs, stopped to inquire if the village +was given over to small-pox, or any other dire disease which required +his constant attention; and he answered her in tones short and sharp +enough to have been Dr. Van Anden himself: + +"It is given over to madness," and moved rapidly on. + +This encounter served to send him on a long tramp into the woods +that very afternoon. In truth, Dr. Douglass was overwhelmed with +astonishment at himself. Two such days and nights as the last had been +he hoped never to see again. It was as if all his pet theories had +deserted him at a moment's warning, and the very spirit of darkness +taken up his abode in their place. Go whither he would, do what he +would, he was haunted by these new, strange thoughts. Sometimes he +actually feared that he, at least, was losing his mind, whether the +rest of the world were or not. Being an utter unbeliever in the power +of prayer, knowing indeed nothing at all about it, he would have +scoffed at the idea that Dr. Van Anden's impassioned, oft-repeated +petitions had aught to do with him at this time. Had he known that +at the very time in which he was marching through the dreary woods, +kicking the red and yellow leaves from his path in sullen gloom, Ester +in her little clothes-press, on her knees, was pleading with God for +his soul, and that through him Sadie might be reached, I presume he +would have laughed. The result of this long communion with himself was +as follows: That he had overworked and underslept, that his nervous +system was disordered, that in the meantime he had been fool enough +to attend that abominable sensation meeting, and the man actually had +wonderful power over the common mind, and used his eloquence in a way +that was quite calculated to confuse a not perfectly balanced brain. +It was no wonder, then, in his state of bodily disorder, that the +sympathetic mind should take the alarm. So much for the disease, now +for the remedy. He would study less, at least he would stop reading +half the night away; he would begin to practice some of his own +preaching, and learn to be more systematic, more careful of this +wonderful body, which could cause so much suffering; he would ride +fast and long; above all, he would keep away from that church and that +man, with his fanciful pictures and skillfully woven words. + +Having determined his plan of action he felt better. There was no +sense, he told himself, in yielding to the sickly sentimentalism which +had bewitched him for the past few days; he was ashamed of it, and +would have no more of it. He was master of his own mind, he guessed, +always had been, and always _would_ be. And he started on his homeward +walk with a good deal of alacrity, and much of his usual composure +settling on his face. + +Oh, would the gracious Spirit which had been struggling with him leave +him indeed to himself? "O God," pleaded Ester, "give me this one +soul in answer to my prayer. For the sake of Sadie, bring this strong +pillar obstructing her way to thyself. For the sake of Jesus, who died +for them both, bring them both to yield to him." + +Dr. Douglass paused at the place where two roads forked and mused, and +the subject of his musing was no more important than this: Should he +go home by the river path or through the village? The river path was +the longer, and it was growing late, nearly tea time; but if he took +the main road he would pass his office, where he was supposed to be, +as well as several houses where he ought to have been, besides meeting +probably several people whom he would rather not see just at present. +On the whole, he decided to take the river road, and walked briskly +along, quite in harmony with himself once more, and enjoying the +autumn beauty spread around him. A little white speck attracted his +attention; he almost stopped to examine into it, then smiled at his +curiosity, and moved on. "A bit of waste paper probably," he said to +himself. "Yet what a curious shape it was as if it had been carefully +folded and hidden under that stone. Suppose I see what it is? Who +knows but I shall find a fortune hidden in it?" He turned back a step +or two, and stooped for the little white speck. One corner of it was +nestled under a stone. It was a ragged, rumpled, muddy fragment of a +letter, or an essay, which rain and wind and water had done their +best to annihilate, and finally, seeming to become weary of their +plaything, had tossed it contemptuously on the shore, and a pitying +stone had rolled down and covered and preserved a tiny corner. Dr. +Douglass eyed it curiously, trying to decipher the mud-stained lines, +and being in a dreamy mood wondered meanwhile what young, fair hand +had penned the words, and what of joy or sadness filled them. +Scarcely a word was readable, at least nothing that would gratify his +curiosity, until he turned the bit of leaf, and the first line, which +the stone had hidden, shone out distinctly: "Sometimes I can not help +asking myself why I was made--." Here the corner was torn off, and +whether that was the end of the original sentence or not, it was +the end to him. God sometimes uses very simple means with which to +confound the wisdom of this world. Such a sudden and extraordinary +revulsion of feeling as swept over Dr. Douglass he had never dreamed +of before. He did not stop to question the strangeness of his state of +mind, nor why that bit of soiled, torn paper should possess so fearful +a power over him. He did not even realize at the moment that it was +connected with this bewilderment, he only knew that the foundation +upon which he had been building for years seemed suddenly to have +been torn from under him by invisible hands, and left his feet sinking +slowly down on nothing; and his inmost soul took suddenly up that +solemn question with which he had never before troubled his logical +brain: "I can not help asking myself why I was made?" There was only +one other readable word on that paper, turn it whichever way he would, +and that word was "God;" and he started and shivered when his eye met +this, as if some awful voice had spoken it to his ear. + +"What unaccountable witchcraft has taken possession of me?" he +muttered, at length. And turning suddenly he sat himself down on +an old decaying log by the river side, and gave himself up to real, +honest, solemn thought. + +"Where is Dr. Douglass?" queried Julia, appearing at the dining-room +door just at tea time. "There is a boy at the door says they want him +at Judge Beldon's this very instant." + +"He's _nowhere_" answered Sadie solemnly, pausing in the work of +arranging cups and saucers. "It's my private opinion that he has been +and gone and hung himself. He passed the window about one o'clock, +looking precisely as I should suppose a man would who was about to +commit that interesting act, since which time I've answered the bell +seventeen times to give the same melancholy story of his whereabouts." + +"My!" exclaimed the literal Julia, hurrying back to the boy at the +door. She comprehended her sister sufficiently to have no faith in the +hanging statement, but honestly believed in the seventeen sick people +who were waiting for the doctor. + +The church was very full again that evening. Sadie had at first +declared herself utterly unequal to another meeting that week, but +had finally allowed herself to be persuaded into going; and had nearly +been the cause of poor Julia's disgrace because of the astonished look +which she assumed as Dr. Douglass came down the aisle, with his usual +quiet composure of manner, and took the seat directly in front of +them. The sermon was concluded. The text: "See I have set before thee +this day life and good, death and evil," had been dwelt upon in such a +manner that it seemed to some as if the aged servant of God had verily +been shown a glimpse of the two unseen worlds waiting for every soul, +and was painting from actual memory the picture for them to look upon. +That most solemn of all solemn hymns had just been sung: + + "There is a time, we know not when + A point, we know not where, + That marks the destiny of men + 'Twixt glory and despair. + + "There is a line, by us unseen, + That crosses every path, + The hidden boundary between + God's mercy and his wrath." + +Silence had but fairly settled on the waiting congregation when a +strong, firm voice broke in upon it, and the speaker said: + +"I believe in my soul that I have met that point and crossed that line +this day. I surely met God's mercy and his wrath, face to face, and +struggled in their power. Your hymn says, 'To cross that boundary is +to die;' but I thank God that there are two sides to it. I feel that +I have been standing on the very line, that my feet had well-nigh +slipped. To-night I step over on to mercy's side. Reckon me henceforth +among those who have chosen life." + +"Amen," said the veteran minister, with radiant face. + +"Thank God," said the earnest pastor, with quivering lip. + +Two heads were suddenly bowed in the silent ecstasy of prayer--they +were Ester's and Dr. Van Anden's. As for Sadie, she sat straight and +still as if petrified with amazement, as she well-nigh felt herself to +be, for the strong, firm voice belonged to Dr. Douglass! + +An hour later Dr. Van Anden was pacing up and down the long parlor, +with quick, excited steps, waiting for he hardly knew what, when a +shadow fell between him and the gaslight. He glanced up suddenly, and +his eyes met Dr. Douglass, who had placed himself in precisely the +same position in which he had stood when they had met there before. +Dr. Van Anden started forward, and the two gentlemen clasped hands +as they had never in their lives done before. Dr. Douglass broke the +beautiful silence first with earnestly spoken words: + +"Doctor, will you forgive all the past?" + +And Dr. Van Anden answered: "Oh, my brother in Christ!" + +As for Ester, she prayed, in her clothes-press, thankfully for Dr. +Douglass, more hopefully for Sadie, and knew not that a corner of the +poor little letter which had slipped from Julia's hand and floated +down the stream one summer morning, thereby causing her such a +miserable, _miserable_ day, was lying at that moment in Dr. Douglass' +note-book, counted as the most precious of all his precious bits of +paper. Verily "His ways are not as our ways." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + +SADIE SURROUNDED. + + +"Oh," said Sadie, with a merry toss of her brown curls, "_don't_ waste +any more precious breath over me, I beg. I'm an unfortunate case, not +worth struggling for. Just let me have a few hours of peace once more. +If you'll promise not to say 'meeting' again to me, I'll promise not +to laugh at you once after this long drawn-out spasm of goodness has +quieted, and you have each descended to your usual level once more." + +"Sadie," said Ester, in a low, shocked tone, "_do_ you think we are +all hypocrites, and mean not a bit of this?" + +"By _no_ means, my dear sister of charity, at least not all of you. +I'm a firm believer in diseases of all sorts. This is one of the +violent kind of highly contagious diseases; they must run their +course, you know. I have not lived in the house with two learned +physicians all this time without learning that fact, but I consider +this very nearly at its height, and live in hourly expectation of the +'turn.' But, my dear, I don't think you need worry about me in the +least. I don't believe I'm a fit subject for such trouble. You know +I never took whooping-cough nor measles, though I have been exposed a +great many times." + +To this Ester only replied by a low, tremulous, "Don't, Sadie, +please." + +Sadie turned a pair of mirthful eyes upon her for a moment, and noting +with wonder the pale, anxious face and quivering lip of her sister, +seemed suddenly sobered. + +"Ester," she said quietly, "I don't think you are 'playing good;' I +_don't_ positively. I believe you are thoroughly in earnest, but I +think you have been through some very severe scenes of late, sickness +and watching, and death, and your nerves are completely unstrung. I +don't wonder at your state of feeling, but you will get over it in a +little while, and be yourself again." + +"Oh," said Ester, tremulously, "I pray God I may _never_ be myself +again; not the old self that you mean." + +"You will," Sadie answered, with roguish positiveness. "Things will +go cross-wise, the fire won't burn, and the kettle won't boil, and the +milk-pitcher will tip over, and all sorts of mischievous things will +go on happening after a little bit, just as usual, and you will feel +like having a general smash up of every thing in spite of all these +meetings." + +Ester sighed heavily. The old difficulty again--things would not be +undone. The weeds which she had been carelessly sowing during all +these past years had taken deep root, and would not give place. After +a moment's silence she spoke again. + +"Sadie, answer me just one question. What do you think of Dr. +Douglass?" + +Sadie's face darkened ominously. "Never mind what I think of _him_," +she answered in short, sharp tones, and abruptly left the room. + +What she _did_ think of him was this: That he had become that which +he had affected to consider the most despicable thing on earth--a +hypocrite. Remember, she had no personal knowledge of the power of +the Spirit of God over a human soul. She had no conception of how so +mighty a change could be wrought in the space of a few hours, so her +only solution of the mystery was that to serve some end which he had +in view Dr. Douglass had chosen to assume a new character. + +Later, on that same day, Sadie encountered Dr. Douglass, rather, she +went to the side piazza equipped for a walk, and he came eagerly from +the west end to speak with her. + +"Miss Sadie, I have been watching for you. I have a few words that are +burning to be said." + +"Proceed," said Sadie, standing with demurely folded hands, and a mock +gravity in her roguish eyes. + +"I want to do justice at this late day to Dr. Van Anden. I misjudged +him, wronged him, perhaps prejudiced you against him. I want to undo +my work." + +"Some things can be done more easily than they can be undone," was +Sadie's grave and dignified reply. "You certainly have done your best +to prejudice me against Dr. Van Anden not only, but against all +other persons who hold his peculiar views, and you have succeeded +splendidly. I congratulate you." + +That look of absolute pain which she had seen once or twice on this +man's face, swept over it now as he answered her. + +"I know--I have been blind and stupid, _wicked_ any thing you will. +Most bitterly do I regret it now; most eager am I to make reparation." + +Sadie's only answer was: "What a capital actor you would make, Dr. +Douglass. Are you sure you have not mistaken your vocation?" + +"I know what you think of me." This with an almost quivering lip, and +a voice strangely humble and as unlike as possible to any which she +had ever heard from Dr. Douglass before. "You think I am playing a +part. Though what my motive could be I can not imagine, can you? But I +do solemnly assure you that if ever I was sincere in any thing in all +my life I am now concerning this matter." + +"There is a most unfortunate 'if' in the way, Doctor. You see, the +trouble is, I have very serious doubts as to whether you ever were +sincere in any thing in your life. As to motives, a first-class +anybody likes to try his power. You will observe that 'I have a very +poor opinion of the world.'" + +The Doctor did not notice the quotation of his favorite expression, +but answered with a touch of his accustomed dignity: + +"I may have deserved this treatment at your hands, Miss Sadie. +Doubtless I have, although I am not conscious of ever having said to +you any thing which I did not _think_ I _meant_. I have been a _fool_. +I am willing--yes, and anxious to own it. But there are surely some +among your acquaintances whom you can trust if you can not me. I--" + +Sadie interrupted him. "For instance, that 'first-class fanatic of the +most objectionable stamp,' the man who Dr. Douglass thought, not three +days ago, ought to be bound by law to keep the peace. I suppose you +would have me unhesitatingly receive every word he says?" + +Dr. Douglass' face brightened instantly, and he spoke eagerly: + +"I remember those words, Miss Sadie, and just how honestly I spoke +them, and just how bitterly I felt when I spoke them, and I have no +more sure proof that this thing is of God than I have in noting the +wonderful change which has come over my feelings in regard to that +blessed man. I pray God that he may be permitted to speak to your soul +with the tremendous power that he has to mine. Oh, Sadie, I have led +you astray, may I not help you back?" + +"I am not a weather-vane, Dr. Douglass, to be whirled about by every +wind of expediency; besides I am familiar with one verse in the Bible, +of which you seem never to have heard: Whatsoever a man soweth, that +shall he also reap. You have sowed well and faithfully; be content +with your harvest." + +I do not know what the pale, grave lips would have answered to this +mocking spirit, for at that moment Dr. Van Anden and the black ponies +whizzed around the corner, and halted before the gate. + +"Sadie," said the doctor, "are you in the mood for a ride? I have five +miles to drive." + +"Dr. Van Anden," answered Sadie, promptly, "the last time you and I +took a ride together we quarreled." + +"Precisely," said the Doctor, bowing low. "Let us take another now and +make up." + +"Very well," was the gleeful answer which he received, and in another +minute they were off. + +For the first mile or two he kept a tight rein, and let the ponies +skim over the ground in the liveliest fashion, during which time +very little talking was done. After that he slackened his speed, and +leaning back in the carriage addressed himself to Sadie: + +"Now we are ready to make up." + +"How shall we commence?" asked Sadie, gravely. + +"Who quarreled?" answered the Doctor, sententiously. + +"Well," said Sadie, "I understand what you are waiting for. You think +I was very rude and unladylike in my replies to you during that +last interesting ride we took. You think I jumped at unwarrantable +conclusions, and used some unnecessarily sharp words. I think so +myself, and if it will be of any service to you to know it, I don't +mind telling you in the least." + +"That is a very excellent beginning," answered the Doctor, heartily. +"I think we shall have no difficulty in getting the matter all settled +Now, for my part, it won't sound as well as yours, because however +blunderingly I may have said what I did, I said it honestly, in good +faith, and with a good and pure motive. But I am glad to be able to +say in equal honesty that I believe I was over-cautious, that Dr. +Douglass was never so little worthy of regard as I supposed him to +be, and that nothing could have more rejoiced my heart than the noble +stand which he has so recently taken. Indeed his conduct has been so +noble that I feel honored by his acquaintance." + +He was interrupted by a mischievous laugh. + +"A mutual admiration society," said Sadie, in her most mocking tone. +"Did you and Dr. Douglass have a private rehearsal? You interrupted +him in a similar rhapsody over your perfections." + +Instead of seeming annoyed, Dr. Van Anden's face glowed with pleasure. + +"Did he explain to you our misunderstanding?" he asked, eagerly. "That +was very noble in him." + +"Of _course_. He is the soul of nobility--a villain yesterday and +a saint to-day. I don't understand such marvelously rapid changes, +Doctor." + +"I know you don't," the Doctor answered quietly. "Although you have +exaggerated both terms, yet there is a great and marvelous change, +which must be experienced to be understood. Will you never seek it for +yourself, Sadie?" + +"I presume I never shall, as I very much doubt the existence of any +such phenomenon." + +The Doctor appeared neither shocked nor surprised, but favored her +with a cool and quiet reply: + +"Oh, no, you don't doubt it in the least. Don't try to make yourself +out that foolish and unreasonable creature--an unbeliever in what is +as clear to a thinking mind as is the sun at noonday. You and I have +no need to enter into an argument concerning this matter. You have +seen some unwise and inconsistent acts in many who are called by the +name of Christian. You imagine that they have staggered your belief +in the verity of the thing itself. Yet it is not so. You had a dear +father who lived and died in the faith, and you no more doubt the fact +that he is in heaven to-day, brought there by the power of the Savior +in whom he trusted, than you doubt your own existence at this moment." + +Sadie sat silenced and grave; she was very rarely either, perhaps. Dr. +Van Anden was the one person who could have thus subdued her, but +in her inmost heart she felt his words to be true; that dear, _dear_ +father, whose weary suffering life had been one long evidence to the +truth of the religion which he professed--yes, it was so, she no more +doubted that he was at this moment in that blessed heaven toward which +his hopes had so constantly tended, than she doubted the shining of +that day's sun--so he, being dead, yet spoke to her. Besides, her keen +judgment had, of late, settled back upon the belief that Dr. Van Anden +lived a life that would bear watching--a true, earnest, manly life; +also, that he was a man not likely to be deceived. So, sitting back +there in the carriage, and appearing to look at nothing, and be +interested in nothing, she allowed herself to take in again the +firm conviction that whatever most lives were, there was always that +father--safe, _safe_ in the Christian's heaven--and there were besides +some few, a very few, she thought; but there were _some_ still living, +whom she knew, yes, actually _knew_, were fitting for that same +far-away, safe place. No, Sadie had stood upon the brink, was standing +there still, indeed; but reason and the long-buried father still kept +her from toppling over into the chasm of settled unbelief. "Blessed +are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the +Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do +follow them." + +But something must be said. Sadie was not going to sit there and allow +Dr. Van Anden to imagine that she was utterly quieted and conquered; +she would rather quarrel with him than have that. He had espoused Dr. +Douglass' cause so emphatically, let him argue for him now; there was +nothing like a good sharp argument to destroy the effect of unpleasant +personal questions--so she blazed into sudden indignation: + +"I think Dr. Douglass is a hypocrite!" + +Nothing could have been more composed than the tone in which she was +answered: + +"Very well. What then?" + +This question was difficult to answer, and Sadie remaining silent, her +companion continued: + +"Mr. Smith is a drunkard; therefore I will be a thief. Is that Miss +Sadie Ried's logic?" + +"I don't see the point." + +"Don't you? Wasn't that exclamation concerning Dr. Douglass a bit of +hiding behind the supposed sin of another--a sort of a reason why you +were not a Christian, because somebody else pretended to be? Is that +sound logic, Sadie? When your next neighbor in class peeps in her +book, and thereby disgraces herself, and becomes a hypocrite, do +you straightway declare that you will study no more? You see it is +fashionable, in talking of this matter of religion, to drag out the +shortcomings and inconsistencies of others, and try to make of them +a garment to covet our own sins; but it is very senseless, after all, +and you will observe is never done in the discussion of any other +question." + +Clearly, Sadie must talk in a common-sense way with this +straightforward man, if she talked at all. Her resolution was suddenly +taken, to say for once just what she meant; and a very grave and +thoughtful pair of eyes were raised to meet the doctor's when next she +spoke. + +"I think of these things sometimes, doctor, and though a great deal +of it seems to be humbug, it is as you say--I know _some_ are sincere, +and I know there is a right way. I have been more than half tempted +many times during the last few weeks to discover for myself the secret +of power, but I am deterred by certain considerations, which you +would, doubtless, think very absurd, but which, joined with the +inspiration which I receive from the ridiculous inconsistencies of +others, have been sufficient to deter me hitherto." + +"Would you mind telling me some of the considerations?" + +And the moment Sadie began to talk honestly, the doctor's tones lost +their half-indifferent coolness, and expressed a kind and thoughtful +interest. + +"No," she said, hesitatingly. "I don't know that I need, but you will +not understand them; for instance, if I were a Christian I should have +to give up one of my favorite amusements--almost a passion, you know, +dancing is with me, and I am not ready to yield it." + +"Why should you feel obliged to do so if you were a Christian?" + +Sadie gave him the benefit of a very searching look. "Don't _you_ +think I would be?" she queried, after a moment's silence. + +"I haven't said what I thought on that subject, but I feel sure that +it is not the question for you to decide at present; first settle the +all-important one of your personal acceptation of Christ, and then +it will be time to decide the other matter, for or against, as your +conscience may dictate." + +"Oh, but," said Sadie, positively, "I know very well what my +conscience would dictate, and I am not ready for it." + +"Isn't dancing an innocent amusement?" + +"For _me_ yes, but not for a Christian." + +"Does the Bible lay down one code of laws for you and another for +Christians?" + +"I think so--it says, 'Be not conformed to the world.'" + +"Granted; but does it anywhere say to those who are of the world, +'_You_ have a right to do just what you like; that direction does not +apply to you at all, it is all intended for those poor Christians?'" + +"Dr. Van Anden," said Sadie with dignity, "don't you think there +should be a difference between Christians and those who are not?" + +"Undoubtedly I do. Do _you_ think that every person ought or ought +_not_ to be a Christian?" + +Sadie was silent, and a little indignant. After a moment she spoke +again, this time with a touch of hauteur: + +"I think you understand what I mean, Doctor, though you would not +admit it for the world. I don't suppose I feel very deeply on the +subject, else I would not advance so trivial an excuse; but this is +honestly my state of mind. Whenever I think about the matter at +all, this thing comes up for consideration. I think it would be very +foolish for me to argue against dancing, for I don't know much about +the arguments, and care less. I know only this much, that there is a +very distinctly defined inconsistency between a profession of religion +and dancing, visible very generally to the eyes of those who make no +profession; the other class don't seem so able to see it; but there +exists very generally among us worldlings a disposition to laugh +a little over dancing Christians. Whether this is a well-founded +inconsistency, or only a foolish prejudice on our part, I have never +taken the trouble to try to determine, and it would make little +material difference which it was--it is enough for me that such is +the case; and it makes it very plain to me that if I were an honest +professor of that religion which leads one of its teachers to say, +'He will eat no meat while the world stands if it makes his brother to +offend,' I should be obliged to give up my dancing. But since I am +not one of that class, and thus have no such influence, I can see no +possible harm in my favorite amusement, and am not ready to give it +up; and that is what I mean by its being innocent for me, and not +innocent for professing Christians." + +Dr. Van Anden made no sort of reply, if Sadie could judge from his +face; he seemed to have grown weary of the whole subject; he leaned +back in his carriage, and let the reins fall loosely and carelessly. +His next proceeding was most astounding; coolly possessing himself of +one of the small gloved hands that lay idly in Sadie's lap, he said, +in a quiet, matter-of-fact tone: "Sadie, would you allow me to put my +arm around you?" + +In an instant the indignant blood surged in waves over Sadie's face; +the hand was angrily withdrawn, and the graceful form drawn to an +erect hight, and it is impossible to describe the freezing tone of +astonished indignation in which she ejaculated, "Dr. Van Anden!" + +"Just what I expected," returned that gentleman in a composed manner, +bestowing a look of entire satisfaction upon his irate companion. "And +yet, Sadie, I hope you will pardon my obtuseness, but I positively +can not see why, if it is proper and courteous, and all that sort of +thing, I, who am a friend of ten years' standing, should not enjoy +the same privilege which you accord to Fred Kenmore, to whom you were +introduced last week, and with whom I heard you say you danced five +times." + +Sadie looked confused and annoyed, but finally she laughed; for she +had the good sense to see the folly of doing any thing else under +existing circumstances. + +"That is the point which puzzles me at present," continued the Doctor, +in a kind, grave tone. "I do not understand how young ladies of +refinement can permit, under certain circumstances, and often from +comparative strangers, attentions which, under other circumstances, +they repel with becoming indignation. Won't you consider the apparent +inconsistency a little? It is the only suggestion which I wish to +offer on the question at present. When you have settled that other +important matter, this thing will present itself to your clear-seeing +eyes in other and more startling aspects. Meantime, this is the house +at which I must call. Will you hold my horses, Miss Sadie, while I +dispatch matters within?" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + +CONFUSION--CROSS-BEARING--CONSEQUENCE. + + +But the autumn days were not _all_ bright, and glowing, and glorious. +One morning it rained--not a soft, silent, and warm rain, but a gusty, +windy, turbulent one; a rain that drove into windows ever so slightly +raised, and hurled itself angrily into your face whenever you ventured +to open a door. It was a day in which fires didn't like to burn, but +smoldered, and sizzled, and smoked; and people went around shivering, +their shoulders shrugged up under little dingy, unbecoming shawls, and +the clouds were low, and gray, and heavy--and every thing and every +body seemed generally out of sorts. + +Ester was no exception; the toothache had kept her awake during the +night, and one cheek was puffy and stiff in the morning, and one +tooth still snarled threateningly whenever the slightest whisper of +a draught came to it. The high-toned, exalted views of life and duty +which had held possession of her during the past few weeks seemed +suddenly to have deserted her. In short, her body had gained +that mortifying ascendency over the soul which it will sometimes +accomplish, and all her hopes, and aims, and enthusiasms seemed +blotted out. Things in the kitchen were uncomfortable. Maggie had +seized on this occasion for having the mumps, and acting upon the +advice of her sympathizing mistress, had pinned a hot flannel around +her face and gone to bed. The same unselfish counsel had been given +to Ester, but she had just grace enough left to refuse to desert the +camp, when dinner must be in readiness for twenty-four people in spite +of nerves and teeth. Just here, however, the supply failed her, and +she worked in ominous gloom. + +Julia had been pressed into service, and was stoning raisins, or +eating them, a close observer would have found it difficult to +discover which. She was certainly rasping the nerves of her sister +in a variety of those endless ways by which a thoughtless, restless, +questioning child can almost distract a troubled brain. Ester endured +with what patience she could the ceaseless drafts upon her, and worked +at the interminable cookies with commendable zeal. Alfred came with +a bang and a whistle, and held open the side door while he talked. +In rushed the spiteful wind, and all the teeth in sympathy with the +aching one set up an immediate growl. + +"Mother, I don't see any. Why, where is mother?" questioned Alfred; +and was answered with an emphatic + +"Shut that door!" + +"Well, but," said Alfred, "I want mother. I say, Ester, will you give +me a cookie?" + +"No!" answered Ester, with energy. "Did you hear me tell you to shut +that door this instant?" + +"Well now, don't bite a fellow." And Alfred looked curiously at his +sister. Meantime the door closed with a heavy bang. "Mother, say, +mother," he continued, as his mother emerged from the pantry, "I don't +see any thing of that hammer. I've looked every-where. Mother, can't I +have one of Ester's cookies? I'm awful hungry." + +"Why, I guess so, if you are really suffering. Try again for the +hammer, my boy; don't let a poor little hammer get the better of you." + +"Well," said Alfred, "I won't," meaning that it should answer the +latter part of the sentence; and seizing a cookie he bestowed a +triumphant look upon Ester and a loving one upon his mother, and +vanished amid a renewal of the whistle and bang. + +This little scene did not serve to help Ester; she rolled away +vigorously at the dough, but felt some way disturbed and outraged, and +finally gave vent to her feeling in a peremptory order. + +"Julia, don't eat another raisin; you've made away with about half of +them now." + +Julia looked aggrieved. "Mother lets me eat raisins when I pick them +over for her," was her defense; to which she received no other reply +than-- + +"Keep your elbows off the table." + +Then there was silence and industry for some minutes. Presently Julia +recovered her composure, and commenced with-- + +"Say, Ester, what makes you prick little holes all over your +biscuits?" + +"To make them rise better." + +"Does every thing rise better after it is pricked?" + +Sadie was paring apples at the end table, and interposed at this +point-- + +"If you find that to be the case, Julia, you must be very careful +after this, or we shall have Ester pricking you when you don't 'rise' +in time for breakfast in the morning." + +Julia suspected that she was being made a dupe of, and appealed to her +older sister: + +"_Honestly_, Ester, _do_ you prick them so they will rise better?" + +"Of course. I told you so, didn't I?" + +"Well, but why does that help them any? Can't they get up unless you +make holes in them, and what is all the reason for it?" + +Now, these were not easy questions to answer, especially to a girl +with the toothache, and Ester's answer was not much to the point. + +"Julia, I declare you are enough to distract one. If you ask any more +questions I shall certainly send you up stairs out of the way." + +Her scientific investigations thus nipped in the bud, Julia returned +again to silence and raisins, until the vigorous beating of some eggs +roused anew the spirit of inquiry. She leaned eagerly forward with a-- + +"Say, Ester, please tell me why the whites all foam and get thick when +you stir them, just like beautiful white soapsuds." And she rested her +elbow, covered with its blue sleeve, plump into the platter containing +the beaten yolks. You must remember Ester's face-ache, but even then +I regret to say that this disaster culminated in a decided box on the +ear for poor Julia, and in her being sent weeping up stairs. Sadie +looked up with a wicked laugh in her bright eyes, and said, demurely: + +"You didn't keep your promise, Ester, and let me live in peace, so +I needn't keep mine and I consider you pretty well out of the spasm +which has lasted for so many days." + +"Sadie, I am really ashamed of you." This was Mrs. Ried's grave, +reproving voice; and she added, kindly: "Ester, poor child, I wish you +would wrap your face up in something warm and lie down awhile. I am +afraid you are suffering a great deal." + +Poor Ester! It had been a hard day. Late in the afternoon, as she +stood at the table, and cut the bread, and cake, and cheese, and cold +meat for tea; when the sun had made a rift in the clouds, and was +peeping in for good-night; when the throbbing nerves had grown quiet +once more, she looked back upon this weary day in shame and pain. How +very little her noble resolves, and efforts, and advances had been +worth after all. How far back she seemed to have gone in that one +day--not strength enough to bear even the little crosses that befell +in an ordinarily quiet life! How she had lost the so-lately-gained +influence over Alfred and Julia by a few cross words! How much reason +she had given Sadie to think that her attempts at following the Master +were, after all, only spasmodic and visionary! But Ester had been to +that little clothes-press up stairs in search of help and forgiveness, +and now she clearly saw there was something to do besides mourn over +her failures. It was hard to do it, too. Ester's spirit was proud, and +it was very humbling to confess herself in the wrong. She hesitated +and shrank from the work, until she finally grew ashamed of herself +for that; and at last, without turning her head from her work, or +giving her resolve time to falter, she called to the twins, who were +occupying seats in one of the dining-room windows, and talking low and +soberly to each other: + +"Children, come here a moment, will you?" + +The two had been very shy of Ester since the morning's trials, +and were at that moment sympathizing with each other in a manner +uncomplimentary to her. However, they slid down from their perch and +slowly answered her call. + +Ester glanced up as they entered the storeroom, and then went on +cutting her cheese, but speaking in low, gentle tones: + +"I want to tell you two how sorry I am that I spoke so crossly and +unkindly to you this morning. It was very wrong in me. I thought I +never should displease Jesus so again, but I did, you see; and now I +am very sorry indeed, and I want you to forgive me." + +Alfred looked aghast. This was an Ester that he had never seen before, +and he didn't know what to say. He wriggled the toes of his boots +together, and looked down at them in puzzled wonder. At last he +faltered out: + +"I didn't know your cheek ached till mother told me, or else I'd have +shut the door right straight. I'd ought to, _any how_, cheek or no +cheek." + +This last in a lower tone, and more looking down at his boots. It was +new work for Alfred, this voluntarily owning himself in the wrong. + +Julia burst forth eagerly. "And I was very careless and naughty to +keep putting my elbows on the table after you had told me not to, and +I am ever so sorry that I made you such a lot of trouble." + +"Well, then," said Ester, "we'll all forgive each other, shall we, and +begin over again? And, children, I want you to understand that I _am_ +trying to please Jesus; and when I fail it is because of my own wicked +heart, not because there is any need of it if I tried harder; and I +want you to know how anxious I am that you should love this same Jesus +now while you are young, and get him to help you." + +Their mother called the children at this moment, and Ester dismissed +them each with a kiss. There was a little rustle in the flour-room, +and Sadie, whom nobody knew was down stairs, emerged therefrom with +suspiciously red eyes but a laughing face, and approached her sister. + +"Ester," said she, "I'm positively afraid that you are growing into a +saint, and I know that I'm a sinner. I consider myself mistaken about +the spasm--it is evidently a settled disease." + +While the bell tolled for evening service Ester stood in the front +doorway, and looked doubtfully up and down the damp pavements and +muddy streets, and felt of her stiff cheek. How much she seemed to +need the rest and help of God's house to-night; and yet-- + +Julia's little hand stole softly into hers. "We've been talking about +what you said you wanted us to do, Alfred and I have. We've talked +about it a good deal lately. _We_ most wish so, too." + +Ere Ester could reply other than by an eager grasp of the small hand, +Dr. Douglass came out. His horses and carriage were in waiting. + +"Miss Ried," he said, pausing irresolutely with his foot on the +carriage step, and finally turning back, "I am going to drive down to +church this evening, as I have a call to make afterward. Will you not +ride down with me; it is unpleasant walking?" + +Ester's grave face brightened. "I'm so glad," she answered eagerly. +"I _did_ want to go to church to-night, and I was afraid it would be +imprudent on account of my tooth." + +Alfred and Julia sat right before them in church; and Ester watched +them with a prayerful, and yet a sad heart What right had she to +expect an answer to her petitions when her life had been working +against them all that day? And yet the blood of Christ was +all-powerful, and there was always _his_ righteousness to plead; and +she bent her head in renewed supplications for these two, "And it +shall come to pass, that before they call I will answer, and while +they are yet speaking I will hear." + +Into one of the breathless stillnesses that came, while beating hearts +were waiting for the requests that they hoped would be made, broke +Julia's low, trembling, yet singularly clear voice: + +"Please pray for me." + +There was a little choking in Alfred's throat, and a good deal of +shuffling done with his boots. It was so much more of a struggle for +the sturdy boy than the gentle little girl; but he stood manfully on +his feet at last, and his words, though few, were fraught with as much +meaning as any which had been spoken there that evening, for they were +distinct and decided: + +"Me, too." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +THE TIME TO SLEEP + + +Life went swiftly and busily on. With the close of December the +blessed daily meetings closed, rather they closed with the first week +of the new year, which the church kept as a sort of jubilee week in +honor of the glorious things that had been done for them. + +The new year opened in joy for Ester; many things were different. The +honest, straightforward little Julia carried all her earnestness +of purpose into this new life which had possessed her soul; and the +sturdy brother had naturally too decided a nature to do any thing +half-way, so Ester was sure of this young sister and brother. Besides, +there was a new order of things between her mother and herself; each +had discovered that the other was bound on the same journey, and that +there were delightful resting-places by the way. + +For herself, she was slowly but surely gaining. Little crosses that +she stooped and resolutely took up grew to be less and less, until +they, some of them, merged into positive pleasures. There were many +things that cast rays of joy all about her path; but there was still +one heavy abiding sorrow. Sadie went giddily and gleefully on her +downward way. If she perchance seemed to have a serious thought at +night it vanished with the next morning's sunshine, and day by day +Ester realized more fully how many tares the enemy had sown while she +was sleeping. Sometimes the burden grew almost too heavy to be borne, +and again she would take heart of grace and bravely renew her efforts +and her prayers. It was about this time that she began to recognize +a new feeling. She was not sick exactly, and yet not quite well. She +discovered, considerably to her surprise, that she was falling into +the habit of sitting down on a stair to rest ere she had reached the +top of the first flight; also, that she was sometimes obliged to stay +her sweeping and clasp her hands suddenly over a strange beating +in her heart. But she laughed at her mother's anxious face, and +pronounced herself quite well, quite well, only perhaps a little +tired. + +Meantime all sorts of plans for usefulness ran riot in her brain. She +could not go away on a mission because her mission had come to her. +For a wonder she realized that her mother needed her. She took up +bravely and eagerly, so far as she could see it, the work that lay +around her; but her restless heart craved more, more. She _must_ do +something outside of this narrow circle for the Master. One evening +her enthusiasm, which had been fed for several days on a new scheme +that was afloat in the town, reached its hight. Ester remembered +afterward every little incident connected with that evening--just +how cozy the little family sitting-room looked, with her for its only +occupant; just how brightly the coals glowed in the open grate; just +what a brilliant color they flashed over the crimson cushioned rocker, +which she had vacated when she heard Dr. Van Anden's step in the +hall, and went to speak to him. She was engaged in writing a letter to +Abbie, full of eager schemes and busy, bright work. "I am astonished +that I ever thought there was nothing worth living for;" so she wrote. +"Why life isn't half long enough for the things that I want to do. +This new idea just fills me with delight. I am so eager to get to +work--" Thus far when she heard that step, and springing up went with +eagerness to the door. + +"Doctor, are you in haste? Haven't you just five minutes for me?" + +"Ten," answered the Doctor promptly, stepping into the bright little +room. + +In her haste, not even waiting to offer him a seat, Ester plunged at +once into her subject. + +"Aren't you the chairman of that committee to secure teachers for the +evening school?" + +"I am." + +"Have you all the help you want?" + +"Not by any means. Volunteers for such a self-denying employment as +teaching factory girls are not easy to find." + +"Well, Doctor, do you think--would you be willing to propose my name +as one of the teachers? I should so like to be counted among them." + +Instead of the prompt thanks which she expected, to her dismay Dr. Van +Anden's face looked grave and troubled. Finally he slowly shook his +head with a troubled-- + +"I don't think I can, Ester." + +Such an amazed, grieved, hurt look as swept over Ester's face. + +"It is no matter," she said at last, speaking with an effort. "Of +course I know little of teaching, and perhaps could do no good; but I +thought if help was scarce you might--well, never mind." + +And here the Doctor interposed. "It is not that, Ester," with the +troubled look deepening on his face. "I assure you we would be glad +of your help, but," and he broke off abruptly, and commenced a sudden +pacing up and down the room. Then stopped before her with these +mysterious words: "I don't know how to tell you, Ester." + +Ester's look now was one of annoyance, and she spoke quickly. + +"Why, Doctor, you need tell me nothing. I am not a child to have the +truth sugar-coated. If my help is not needed, that is sufficient." + +"Your help is exactly what we need, Ester, but your health is not +sufficient for the work." + +And now Ester laughed. "Why, Doctor, what an absurd idea In a week I +shall be as well as ever. If that is all you may surely count me as +one of your teachers." + +The Doctor smiled faintly, and then asked: "Do you never feel any +desire to know what may be the cause of this strange lassitude which +is creeping over you, and the sudden flutterings of heart, accompanied +by pain and faintness, which take you unawares?" + +Ester's face paled a little, but she asked, quietly enough: "How do +you know all this?" + +"I am a physician, Ester. Do you think it is kindness to keep a friend +in ignorance of what very nearly concerns him, simply to spare his +feelings for a little?" + +"Why, Dr. Van Anden, you do not think--you do not mean that--tell me +_exactly what_ you mean." + +But the Doctor's answer was grave, anxious, absolute _silence_. + +Perhaps the silence answered her--perhaps her own heart told the +secret to her, for a sudden gray palor overspread her face. For an +instant the room darkened and whirled around her, then she staggered +as if she would have fallen, then she reached forward and caught hold +of the little red rocker, and sank into it, and leaning both elbows on +the writing-table before her, buried her face in her hands. Afterward +Ester called to mind the strange whirl of thoughts which thrilled +her brain at that time. Life in all the various phases that she had +thought it would wear for her, all the endless plans that she had +made, all the things that she had meant to _do_ and _be_, came and +stared her in the face. Nowhere in all her plannings crossed by that +strange creature Death; someway she had never planned for that. Could +it be possible that he was to come for her so soon, before any of +these things were done? Was it possible that she must leave Sadie, +bright, brilliant, unsafe Sadie, and go away where she could work for +her no more? Then, like a picture spread before her, there came back +that day in the cars, on her way to New York, the Christian stranger, +who was not a stranger now, but her friend, and was it heaven--the +earnest little old woman with her thoughtful face, and that strange +sentence on her lips: "Maybe my coffin will do it better than I +can." Well, maybe _her_ coffin could do it for Sadie. Oh the blessed +thought! Plans? YES, but perhaps God had plans too. What mattered hers +compared to _HIS_? If he would that she should do her earthly work +by lying down very soon in the unbroken calm of the "rest that +remaineth," "what was that to her?" Presently she spoke without +raising her head. + +"Are you very certain of this thing, Doctor, and is it to come to me +soon?" + +"That last we can not tell, dear friend. You _may_ be with us years +yet, and it _may_ be swift and sudden. I think it is worse than +mistaken kindness, it is foolish wickedness, to treat a Christian +woman like a little child. I wanted to tell you before the shock would +be dangerous to you." + +"I understand." When she spoke again it was in a more hesitating tone. +"Does Dr. Douglass agree with you?" And the quick, pained way in which +the Doctor answered showed her that he understood. + +"Dr. Douglass will not _let_ himself believe it." + +Then a long silence fell between them. The Doctor kept his position, +leaning against the mantel, but never for a moment allowed his eyes +to turn away from that motionless figure before him. Only the loving, +pitying Savior knew what was passing in that young heart. + +At last she arose and came toward the Doctor, with a strange sweetness +playing about her mouth, and a strange calm in her voice. + +"Dr. Van Anden, I am _so_ much obliged to you. Don't be afraid to +leave me now. I think I need to be quite alone." + +And the Doctor, feeling that all words were vain and useless, silently +bowed, and softly let himself out of the room. + +The first thing upon which Ester's eye alighted when she turned again +to the table was the letter in which she had been writing those last +words: "Why life isn't half long enough for the things that I want +to do." Very quietly she picked up the letter and committed it to the +glowing coals upon the grate. Her mood had changed. By degrees, very +quietly and very gradually, as such bitter things _do_ creep in upon a +family, it grew to be an acknowledged fact that Ester was an invalid. +Little by little her circle of duties narrowed, one by one her various +plans were silently given up, the dear mother first, and then +Sadie, and finally the children, grew into the habit of watching her +footsteps, and saving her from the stairs, from the lifting, from +every possible burden. Once in a long while, and then, as the weeks +passed, more frequently, there would come a day in which she did not +get down further than the little sitting-room, but was established +amid pillows on the couch, "enjoying poor health," as she playfully +phrased it. + +So softly and silently and surely the shadow crept and crept, until +when June brought roses and Abbie. Ester received her in her own +room, propped up among the pillows in her bed. Gradually they grew +accustomed to that also, as God in his infinite mercy has planned that +human hearts shall grow used to the inevitable. They even told each +other hopefully that the warm weather was what depressed her so much, +and as the summer heat cooled into autumn she would grow stronger. +And she had bright days in which she really seemed to grow strong, and +which deceived every body save Dr. Van Anden and herself. + +During one of those bright days Sadie came from school full of a new +idea, and curled herself in front of Ester's couch to entertain her +with it. + +"Mr. Hammond's last," she said. "Such a curious idea, as like him as +possible, and like nobody else. You know that our class will graduate +in just two years from this time, and there are fourteen of us, an +even number, which is lucky for Mr. Hammond. Well, we are each, don't +you think, to write a letter, as sensible, honest, and piquant as +we can make it, historic, sentimental, poetic, or otherwise, as we +please, so that it be the honest exponent of our views. Then we are to +make a grand exchange of letters among the class, and the young lady +who receives my letter, for instance, is to keep it sealed, and under +lock and key, until graduation day, when it is to be read before +scholars, faculty, and trustees, and my full name announced as the +signature; and all the rest of us are to perform in like manner." + +"What is supposed to be the object?" queried Abbie. + +"Precisely the point which oppressed us, until Mr. Hammond +complimented us by announcing that it was for the purpose of +discovering how many of us, after making use of our highest skill +in that line, could write a letter that after two years we should be +willing to acknowledge as ours." + +Ester sat up flushed and eager. "That is a very nice idea," she said, +brightly. "I'm so glad you told me of it. Sadie, I'll write you a +letter for that day. I'll write it to-morrow, and you are to keep it +sealed until the evening of that day on which you graduate. Then when +you have come up to your room and are quite alone, you are to read it. +Will you promise, Sadie?" + +But Sadie only laughed merrily, and said "You are growing sentimental, +Ester, as sure is the world. How can I make any such promise as that? +I shall probably chatter to you like a magpie instead of reading any +thing." + +This young girl utterly ignored so far as was possible the fact of +Ester's illness, never allowing it to be admitted in her presence +that there were any fears as to the result. Ester had ceased trying +to convince her, so now she only smiled quietly and repeated her +petition. + +"Will you promise, Sadie?" + +"Oh yes, I'll promise to go to the mountains of the moon on foot and +alone, across lots--_any thing_ to amuse you. You're to be pitied, you +see, until you get over this absurd habit of cuddling down among the +pillows." + +So a few days thereafter she received with much apparent glee the +dainty sealed letter addressed to herself, and dropped it in her +writing-desk, but ere she turned the key there dropped a tear or two +on the shining lid. + +Well, as the long, hot summer days grew longer and fiercer, the +invalid drooped and drooped, and the home faces grew sadder. Yet +there still came from time to time those rallying days, wherein Sadie +confidently pronounced her to be improving rapidly. And so it came +to pass that so sweet was the final message that the words of the +wonderful old poem proved a Siting description of it all. + + "They thought her dying when she slept, + And sleeping when she died." + +Into the brightness of the September days there intruded one, wherein +all the house was still, with that strange, solemn stillness that +comes only to those homes where death has left a seal. From the +doors floated the long crape signals, and in the great parlors were +gathering those who had come to take their parting look at the white, +quiet face. "ESTER RIED, aged 19," so the coffin-plate told them. Thus +early had the story of her life been finished. + +Only one arrangement had Ester made for this last scene in her life +drama. + +"I am going to preach my own funeral sermon," she had said pleasantly +to Abbie one day. "I want every one to know what seemed to me the most +important thing in life. And I want them to understand that when I +came just to the end of my life it stood out the most important thing +still--for Christians, I mean. My sermon is to be preached for them. +No it isn't either; it applies equally to all. The last time I went +to the city I found in a bookstore just the kind of sermon I want +preached. I bought it. You will find the package in my upper bureau +drawer, Abbie. I leave it to you to see that they are so arranged that +every one who comes to look at _me_ will be sure to see them." + +So on this day, amid the wilderness of flowers and vines and mosses +that had possession of the rooms, ranged along the mantel, hanging in +clusters on the walls, were beautifully illuminated texts--and these +were some of the words that they spoke to those who silently gathered +in the parlors: + +"And that knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of +sleep." + +"But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?" + +"What shall we do that we might work the works of God?" + +"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there +is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave whither +thou goest." + +"I must work the work of him that sent me while it is day: the night +cometh when no man can work." + +"Awake to righteousness and sin not." + +"Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall +give thee light." + +"Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." + +"Let us not sleep as do others, but let us watch, and be sober." + +Chiming in with the thoughts of those who knew by whose direction the +illuminated texts were hung, came the voice of the minister, reading: + +"And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are +the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, +that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them." + +So it was that Ester Ried, lying quiet in her coffin, was reckoned +among that number who "being dead, yet speaketh." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + +AT LAST. + + +The busy, exciting, triumphant day was done. Sadie Ried was no longer +a school-girl; she had graduated. And although a dress of the softest, +purest white had been substituted for the blue silk, in which she had +so long ago planned to appear, its simple folds had swept the platform +of Music Hall in as triumphant a way as ever she had planned for the +other. More so, for Sadie's wildest flights of fancy had never made +her valedictorian of her class, yet that she certainly was. In some +respects it had been a merry day--the long sealed letters had been +opened and read by their respective holders that morning, and the +young ladies had discovered, amid much laughter and many blushes, that +they were ready to pronounce many of the expressions which they had +carefully made only two years before, "ridiculously out of place" or +"absurdly sentimental." + +"Progress," said Mr. Hammond, turning for a moment to Sadie, after he +had watched with an amused smile the varying play of expression on her +speaking face, while she listened to the reading of her letter. + +"You were not aware that you had improved so much in two years, now, +were you?" + +"I was not aware that I ever was such a simpleton!" was her +half-provoked, half-amused reply. + +To-night she loitered strangely in the parlors, in the halls, on the +stairs, talking aimlessly with any one who would stop; it was growing +late. Mrs. Ried and the children had long ago departed. Dr. Van Anden +had not yet returned from his evening round of calls. Every body in +and about the house was quiet, ere Sadie, with slow, reluctant steps, +finally ascended the stairs and sought her room. Arrived there, she +seemed in no haste to light the gas; moonlight was streaming into the +room, and she put herself down in front of one of the low windows to +enjoy it. But it gave her a view of the not far distant cemetery, and +gleamed on a marble slab, the lettering of which she knew perfectly +well was--"Ester, daughter of Alfred and Laura Ried, died Sept. 4, +18--, aged 19. Asleep in Jesus--Awake to everlasting life." And that +reminded her, as she had no need to be reminded, of a letter with +the seal unbroken, lying in her writing-desk--a letter which she had +promised to read this evening--promised the one who wrote it for her, +and over whose grave the moonlight was now wrapping its silver robe. +Sadie felt strangely averse to reading that letter; in part, she +could imagine its contents, and for the very reason that she was still +"halting between two opinions," "almost persuaded," and still on that +often fatal "almost" side, instead of the "altogether," did she wait +and linger, and fritter away the evening as best she could, rather +than face that solemn letter. Even when she turned resolutely from the +window, and lighted the gas, and drew down the shade, she waited to +put every thing tidy on her writing-table, and then, when she had +finally turned the key in her writing-desk, to read over half a dozen +old letters and bits of essays, and scraps of poetry, ere she reached +down for that little white envelope, with her name traced by the +dear familiar hand that wrote her name no more. At last the seal was +broken, and Sadie read: + +"My Darling Sister: + +"I am sitting to-day in our little room--yours and mine. I have been +taking in the picture of it; every thing about it is dear to me, from +our father's face smiling down on me from the wall, to the little red +rocker in which he sat and wrote, in which I sit now, and in which you +will doubtless sit, when I have gone to him. I want to speak to you +about that time. When you read this, I shall have been gone a long, +long time, and the bitterness of the parting will all be past; you +will be able to read calmly what I am writing. I will tell you a +little of the struggle. For the first few moments after I knew that +I was soon to die, my brain fairly reeled; It seemed to me that I +_could_ not. I had so much to live for, there was so much that I +wanted to do; and most of all other things, I wanted to see you a +Christian. I wanted to live for that, to work for it, to undo if I +could some of the evil that I knew my miserable life had wrought in +your heart. Then suddenly there came to me the thought that perhaps +what my life could not do, my coffin would accomplish--perhaps that +was to be God's way of calling you to himself perhaps he meant to +answer my pleading in that way, to let my grave speak for me, as my +crooked, marred, sinful living might never be able to do. My darling, +then I was content; it came to me so suddenly as that almost the +certainty that God meant to use me thus, and I love you so, and I long +so to see you come to him, that I am more than willing to give up +all that this life seemed to have for me, and go away, if by that you +would be called to Christ. + +"And Sadie, dear, you will know before you read this, how much I had +to give up. You will know very soon all that Dr. Douglass and I looked +forward to being to each other--but I give it up, give him up, +more than willingly--joyfully--glad that my Father will accept the +sacrifice, and make you his child. Oh, my darling, what a life I have +lived before you! I do not wonder that, looking at me, you have grown +into the habit of thinking that there is nothing in religion--you have +looked at me, not at Jesus, and there has been no reflection of +his beauty in me, as there should have been, and the result is not +strange. Knowing this, I am the more thankful that God will forgive +me, and use me as a means to bring you home at last. I speak +confidently. I am sure, you see, that it will be; the burden, the +fearful burden that I have carried about with me so long, has gone +away. My Redeemer and yours has taken it from me. I shall see you in +heaven. Father is there, and I am going, oh _so_ fast, and mother will +not be long behind, and Alfred and Julia have started on the journey, +and you _will_ start. Oh, I know it--we shall all be there! I told my +Savior I was willing to do any thing, _any thing_, so my awful mockery +of a Christian life, that I wore so long, might not be the means of +your eternal death. And he has heard my prayer. I do not know when it +will be; perhaps you will still be undecided when you sit in our room +and read these words. Oh, I hope, I _hope_ you will not waste two +years more of your life, but if you do, if as you read these last +lines that I shall ever write, the question is unsettled, I charge +you by the memory of your sister, by the love you bear her not to wait +another _moment_--not one. Oh, my darling, let me beg this at your +hands; take it as my dying petition--renewed after two years of +waiting. Come to Jesus now. + +"That question settled, then let me give you one word of warning. Do +not live as I have done--my life has been a failure--five years of +stupid sleep, while the enemy waked and worked. Oh, God, forgive me! +Sadie, never let that be your record. Let me give you a motto--'Press +toward the mark.' The mark is high; don't look away from or forget +it, as I did; don't be content with simply sauntering along, looking +toward it now and then, but take in the full meaning of that earnest +sentence, and live it--'Press toward the mark!' + +"And now good-by. When you have finished reading this letter, do this +last thing for me: If you are already a Christian, get down on your +knees and renew your covenant; resolve anew to live and work, and +suffer and die, for Christ. If you are not a Christian--Oh, I put my +whole soul into this last request--I beg you kneel and give yourself +up to Jesus. My darling, good-by until we meet in heaven. + +"ESTER RIED." + +The letter dropped from Sadie's nerveless fingers. She arose softly, +and turned down the gas, and raised the shade--the moonlight still +gleamed on the marble slab. Dr. Van Anden came with quick, firm tread +up the street. She gave a little start as she recognized the step, and +her thoughts went out after that other lonely Doctor, who was to have +been her brother, and then back to the long, earnest letter and the +words, "I give him up"--and she realized as only those can who know by +experience, what a giving up that would be, how much her sister longed +for her soul. And then, moved by a strong, firm resolve, Sadie knelt +in the solemn moonlight, and the long, long struggle was ended. Father +and sister were in heaven, but on earth, this night, their prayers +were being answered. + +"Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, +saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their +works do follow them." + +THE END. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Ester Ried, by Pansy (aka. Isabella M. Alden) + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13234 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d38a543 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #13234 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13234) diff --git a/old/13234.txt b/old/13234.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..84169e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13234.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8491 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Ester Ried, by Pansy (aka. Isabella M. Alden) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Ester Ried + +Author: Pansy (aka. Isabella M. Alden) + +Release Date: August 20, 2004 [EBook #13234] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESTER RIED *** + + + + +Produced by Joel Erickson, Lisa Zeug and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + +[Transcriber's note: The spelling inconsistencies of the original have +been retained in this etext.] + + + + +[Illustration: SADIE HAD A GLIMMERING OF SOME STRANGE CHANGE AS SHE +EYED HER SISTER CURIOUSLY.--_Page 263_.] + + + + +ESTER RIED + +BY + +PANSY + +AUTHOR OF "JULIA RIED," "THE KING'S DAUGHTER," "WISE AND OTHERWISE," +"ESTER RIED YET SPEAKING," "ESTER RIED'S NAMESAKE," ETC. + +_ILLUSTRATED BY ELIZABETH WITHINGTON_ + + +BOSTON LOTHROP, LEE & SHEPARD CO. + +PANSY TRADE-MARK Registered in U.S. Patent Office. + +Norwood Press: Berwick & Smith Co., Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER I. ESTER'S HOME + +CHAPTER II. WHAT SADIE THOUGHT + +CHAPTER III. FLORENCE VANE + +CHAPTER IV. THE SUNDAY LESSON + +CHAPTER V. THE POOR LITTLE FISH + +CHAPTER VI. SOMETHING HAPPENS + +CHAPTER VII. JOURNEYING + +CHAPTER VIII. JOURNEY'S END + +CHAPTER IX. COUSIN ABBIE + +CHAPTER X. ESTER'S MINISTER + +CHAPTER XI. THE NEW BOARDER + +CHAPTER XII. THREE PEOPLE + +CHAPTER XIII. THE STRANGE CHRISTIAN + +CHAPTER XIV. THE LITTLE CARD + +CHAPTER XV. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? + +CHAPTER XVI. A VICTORY + +CHAPTER XVII. STEPPING BETWEEN + +CHAPTER XVIII. LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS + +CHAPTER XIX. SUNDRIES + +CHAPTER XX. AT HOME + +CHAPTER XXI. TESTED + +CHAPTER XXII. "LITTLE PLUM PIES" + +CHAPTER XXIII. CROSSES + +CHAPTER XXIV. GOD'S WAY + +CHAPTER XXV. SADIE SURROUNDED + +CHAPTER XXVI. CONFUSION--CROSS-BEARING--CONSEQUENCE + +CHAPTER XXVII. THE TIME TO SLEEP + +CHAPTER XXVIII. AT LAST + + + + +Ester Ried + +ASLEEP AND AWAKE + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +ESTER'S HOME. + + +She did not look very much as if she were asleep, nor acted as though +she expected to get a chance to be very soon. There was no end to the +things which she had to do, for the kitchen was long and wide, and +took many steps to set it in order, and it was drawing toward tea-time +of a Tuesday evening, and there were fifteen boarders who were, most +of them, punctual to a minute. + +Sadie, the next oldest sister, was still at the academy, as also +were Alfred and Julia, while little Minnie, the pet and darling, most +certainly was _not_. She was around in the way, putting little fingers +into every possible place where little fingers ought not to be. It +was well for her that, no matter how warm, and vexed, and out of order +Ester might be, she never reached the point in which her voice could +take other than a loving tone in speaking to Minnie; for Minnie, +besides being a precious little blessing in herself, was the child of +Ester's oldest sister, whose home was far away in a Western graveyard, +and the little girl had been with them since her early babyhood, three +years before. + +So Ester hurried to and from the pantry, with quick, nervous +movements, as the sun went toward the west, saying to Maggie who was +ironing with all possible speed: + +"Maggie, do _hurry_, and get ready to help me, or I shall never have +tea ready:" Saying it in a sharp fretful tone. Then: "No, no, Birdie, +don't touch!" in quite a different tone to Minnie, who laid loving +hands on a box of raisins. + +"I _am_ hurrying as fast as I _can_!" Maggie made answer. "But such an +ironing as I have every week can't be finished in a minute." + +"Well, well! Don't talk; that won't hurry matters any." + +Sadie Ried opened the door that led from the dining-room to the +kitchen, and peeped in a thoughtless young head, covered with bright +brown curls: + +"How are you, Ester?" + +And she emerged fully into the great warm kitchen, looking like a +bright flower picked from the garden, and put out of place. Her pink +gingham dress, and white, ruffled apron--yes, and the very school +books which she swung by their strap, waking a smothered sigh in +Ester's heart. + +"O, my patience!" was her greeting. + +"Are _you_ home? Then school is out". + +"I guess it _is_," said Sadie. "We've been down to the river since +school." + +"Sadie, won't you come and cut the beef and cake, and make the tea? I +did not know it was so late, and I'm nearly tired to death." + +Sadie looked sober. "I would in a minute, Ester, only I've brought +Florence Vane home with me, and I should not know what to do with her +in the meantime. Besides, Mr. Hammond said he would show me about my +algebra if I'd go out on the piazza this minute." + +"Well, _go_ then, and tell Mr. Hammond to wait for his tea until he +gets it!" Ester answered, crossly. + +"Here, Julia"--to the ten-year old newcomer--"Go away from that +raisin-box, this minute. Go up stairs out of my way, and Alfred too. +Sadie, take Minnie with you; I can't have her here another instant. +You can afford to do that much, perhaps." + +"O, Ester, you're cross!" said Sadie, in a good-humored tone, coming +forward after the little girl. + +"Come, Birdie, Auntie Essie's cross, isn't she? Come with Aunt Sadie. +We'll go to the piazza and make Mr. Hammond tell us a story." + +And Minnie--Ester's darling, who never received other than loving +words from her--went gleefully off, leaving another heartburn to the +weary girl. They _stung_ her, those words: "Auntie Essie's cross, +isn't she?" + +Back and forth, from dining-room to pantry, from pantry to +dining-room, went the quick feet At last she spoke: + +"Maggie, leave the ironing and help me; it is time tea was ready." + +"I'm just ironing Mr. Holland's shirt," objected Maggie. + +"Well, I don't care if Mr. Holland _never_ has another shirt ironed. +I want you to go to the spring for water and fill the table-pitchers, +and do a dozen other things." + +The tall clock in the dining-room struck five, and the dining-bell +pealed out its prompt summons through the house. The family gathered +promptly and noisily--school-girls, half a dozen or more, Mr. Hammond, +the principal of the academy, Miss Molten, the preceptress, Mrs. +Brookley, the music-teacher, Dr. Van Anden, the new physician, Mr. +and Mrs. Holland, and Mr. Arnett, Mr. Holland's clerk. There was a +moment's hush while Mr. Hammond asked a blessing on the food; then the +merry talk went on. For them all Maggie poured cups of tea, and +Ester passed bread and butter, and beef and cheese, and Sadie gave +overflowing dishes of blackberries, and chattered like a magpie, which +last she did everywhere and always. + +"This has been one of the scorching days," Mr. Holland said. "It was +as much as I could do to keep cool in the store, and we generally ARE +well off for a breeze there." + +"It has been more than _I_ could do to keep cool anywhere," Mrs. +Holland answered. "I gave it up long ago in despair." + +Ester's lip curled a little. Mrs. Holland had nothing in the world to +do, from morning until night, but to keep herself cool. She wondered +what the lady would have said to the glowing kitchen, where _she_ had +passed most of the day. + +"Miss Ester looks as though the heat had been too much for her +cheeks," Mrs. Brookley said, laughing. "What _have_ you been doing?" + +"Something besides keeping cool," Ester answered soberly. + +"Which is a difficult thing to do, however," Dr. Van Anden said, +speaking soberly too. + +"I don't know, sir; if I had nothing to do but that, I think I could +manage it." + +"I have found trouble sometimes in keeping myself at the right +temperature even in January." + +Ester's cheeks glowed yet more. She understood Dr. Van Anden, and she +knew her face did not look very self-controlled. No one knows what +prompted Minnie to speak just then. + +"Aunt Sadie said Auntie Essie was cross. Were you, Auntie Essie?" + +The household laughed, and Sadie came to the rescue. + +"Why, Minnie! you must not tell what Aunt Sadie says. It is just as +sure to be nonsense as it is that you are a chatter-box." + +Ester thought that they would _never_ all finish their supper and +depart; but the latest comer strolled away at last, and she hurried to +toast a slice of bread, make a fresh cup of tea, and send Julia after +Mrs. Ried. + +Sadie hovered around the pale, sad-faced woman while she ate. + +"Are you _truly_ better, mother? I've been worried half to pieces +about you all day." + +"O, yes; I'm better. Ester, you look dreadfully tired. Have you much +more to do?" + +"Only to trim the lamps, and make three beds that I had not time for +this morning, and get things ready for breakfast, and finish Sadie's +dress." + +"Can't Maggie do any of these things?" + +"Maggie is ironing." + +Mrs. Ried sighed. "It is a good thing that I don't have the sick +headache very often," she said sadly; "or you would soon wear yourself +out. Sadie, are you going to the lyceum tonight?" + +"Yes, ma'am. Your worthy daughter has the honor of being editress, you +know, to-night. Ester, can't you go down? Never mind that dress; let +it go to Guinea." + +"You wouldn't think so by to-morrow evening," Ester said, shortly. +"No, I can't go." + +The work was all done at last, and Ester betook herself to her room. +How tired she was! Every nerve seemed to quiver with weariness. + +It was a pleasant little room, this one which she entered, with its +low windows looking out toward the river, and its cosy furniture all +neatly arranged by Sadie's tasteful fingers. + +Ester seated herself by the open window, and looked down on the group +who lingered on the piazza below--looked _down_ on them with her eyes +and with her heart; yet envied while she looked, envied their free +and easy life, without a care to harass them, so _she_ thought; envied +Sadie her daily attendance at the academy, a matter which she _so_ +early in life had been obliged to have done with; envied Mrs. Holland +the very ribbons and laces which fluttered in the evening air. It had +grown cooler now, a strong breeze blew up from the river and freshened +the air; and, as they sat below there enjoying it, the sound of their +gay voices came up to her. + +"What do they know about heat, or care, or trouble?" she said +scornfully, thinking over all the weight of _her_ eighteen years of +life; she hated it, this life of hers, _just_ hated it--the sweeping, +dusting, making beds, trimming lamps, _working_ from morning till +night; no time for reading, or study, or pleasure. Sadie had said she +was cross, and Sadie had told the truth; she _was_ cross most of the +time, fretted with her every-day petty cares and fatigues. + +"O!" she said, over and over, "if something would _only_ happen; if I +could have one day, just _one_ day, different from the others; but +no, it's the same old thing--sweep and dust, and clear up, and eat and +sleep. I _hate_ it all." + +Yet, had Ester nothing for which to be thankful that the group on the +piazza had not? + +If she had but thought, she had a robe, and a crown, and a harp, and +a place waiting for her, up before the throne of God; and all they had +_not_. + +Ester did not think of this; so much asleep was she, that she did not +even know that none of those gay hearts down there below her had been +given up to Christ. Not one of them; for the academy teachers and Dr. +Van Anden were not among them. O, Ester was asleep! She went to church +on the Sabbath, and to preparatory lecture on a week day; she read a +few verses in her Bible, _frequently_, not every day; she knelt at her +bedside every night, and said a few words of prayer--and this was all! + +She lay at night side by side with a young sister, who had no claim +to a home in heaven, and never spoke to her of Jesus. She worked +daily side by side with a mother who, through many trials and +discouragements, was living a Christian life, and never talked with +her of their future rest. She met daily, sometimes almost hourly, a +large household, and never so much as thought of asking them if they, +too, were going, some day, home to God. She helped her young brother +and sister with their geography lessons, and never mentioned to them +the heavenly country whither they themselves might journey. She took +the darling of the family often in her arms, and told her stories of +"Bo Peep," and the "Babes in the Wood," and "Robin Redbreast," and +never one of Jesus and his call for the tender lambs! + +This was Ester, and this was Ester's home. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +WHAT SADIE THOUGHT. + + +Sadie Ried was the merriest, most thoughtless young creature of +sixteen years that ever brightened and bothered a home. Merry from +morning until night, with scarcely ever a pause in her constant flow +of fun; thoughtless, nearly always selfish too, as the constantly +thoughtless always are. Not sullenly and crossly selfish by any means, +only so used to think of self, so taught to consider herself utterly +useless as regarded home, and home cares and duties, that she opened +her bright brown eyes in wonder whenever she was called upon for help. + +It was a very bright and very busy Saturday morning. + +"Sadie!" Mrs. Ried called, "can't you come and wash up these baking +dishes? Maggie is mopping, and Ester has her hands full with the +cake." + +"Yes, ma'am," said Sadie, appearing promptly from the dining-room, +with Minnie perched triumphantly on her shoulder. "Here I am, at your +service. Where are they?" + +Ester glanced up. "I'd go and put on my white dress first, if I were +you," she said significantly. + +And Sadie looked down on her pink gingham, ruffled apron, shining +cuffs, and laughed. + +"O, I'll take off my cuffs, and put on this distressingly big apron of +yours, which hangs behind the door; then I'll do." + +"That's my clean apron; I don't wash dishes in it." + +"O, bless your careful heart! I won't hurt it the least speck in the +world. Will I, Birdie?" + +And she proceeded to wrap her tiny self in the long, wide apron. + +"Not _that_ pan, child!" exclaimed her mother "That's a milk-pan." + +"O," said Sadie, "I thought it was pretty shiny. My! what a great pan. +Don't you come near me, Birdie, or you'll tumble in and drown yourself +before I could fish you out with the dish-cloth. Where is that +article? Ester, it needs a patch on it; there's a great hole in the +middle, and it twists every way." + +"Patch it, then," said Ester, dryly. + +"Well, now I'm ready, here goes. Do you want _these_ washed?" And she +seized upon a stack of tins which stood on Ester's table. + +"_Do_ let things alone!" said Ester. "Those are my baking-tins, ready +for use; now you've got them wet, and I shall have to go all over them +again." + +"How will you go, Ester? On foot? They look pretty greasy; you'll +slip." + +"I wish you would go up stairs. I'd rather wash dishes all the +forenoon than have you in the way." + +"Birdie," said Sadie gravely, "you and I musn't go near Auntie Essie +again. She's a 'bowwow,' and I'm afraid she'll bite." + +Mrs. Ried laughed. She had no idea how sharply Ester had been tried +with petty vexations all that morning, nor how bitter those words +sounded to her. + +"Come, Sadie," she said; "what a silly child you are. Can't you do +_any thing_ soberly?" + +"I should think I might, ma'am, when I have such a sober and solemn +employment on hand as dish-washing. Does it require a great deal +of gravity, mother? Here, Robin Redbreast, keep your beak out of my +dish-pan." + +Minnie, in the mean time, had been seated on the table, directly in +front of the dish-pan. + +Mrs. Ried looked around. "O Sadie! what _possessed_ you to put her up +there?" + +"To keep her out of mischief, mother. She's Jack Horner's little +sister, and would have had every plum in your pie down her throat, +by this time, if she could have got to them. See here, pussy, if you +don't keep your feet still, I'll tie them fast to the pan with this +long towel, when you'll have to go around all the days of your life +with a dish-pan clattering after you." + +But Minnie was bent on a frolic. This time the tiny feet kicked a +little too hard; and the pan being drawn too near the edge, in order +to be out of her reach, lost its balance--over it went. + +"O, my patience!" screamed Sadie, as the water splashed over her, even +down to the white stockings and daintily slippered feet. + +Minnie lifted up her voice, and added to the general uproar. Ester +left the eggs she was beating, and picked up broken dishes. Mrs. +Ried's voice arose above the din: + +"Sadie, take Minnie and go up stairs. You're too full of play to be in +the kitchen." + +"Mother, I'm _real_ sorry," said Sadie, shaking herself out of the +great wet apron, laughing even then at the plight she was in. + +"Pet, don't cry. We didn't drown after all." + +"_Well_! Miss Sadie," Mr. Hammond said, as he met them in the hall. +"What have you been up to now?" + +"Why, Mr. Hammond, there's been another deluge; this time of +dish-water, and Birdie and I are escaping for our lives." + +"If there is one class of people in this world more disagreeable than +all the rest, it is people who call themselves Christians." + +This remark Mr. Harry Arnett made that same Saturday evening, as he +stood on the piazza waiting for Mrs. Holland's letters. And he made it +to Sadie Ried. + +"Why, Harry!" she answered, in a shocked tone. + +"It's a _fact_, Sadie. You just think a bit, and you'll see it is. +They're no better nor pleasanter than other people, and all the while +they think they're about right." + +"What has put you into that state of mind, Harry?" + +"O, some things which happened at the store to-day suggested this +matter to me. Never mind that part. Isn't it so?" + +"There's my mother," Sadie said thoughtfully. "She is good." + +"Not because she's a Christian though; it's because she's your mother. +You'd have to look till you were gray to find a better mother than +I've got, and she isn't a Christian either." + +"Well, I'm sure Mr. Hammond is a good man." + +"Not a whit better or pleasanter than Mr. Holland, as far as I can +see. _I_ don't like him half so well. And Holland don't pretend to be +any better than the rest of us." + +"Well," said Sadie, gleefully, "_I_ dont know many good people. +Miss Molton is a Christian, but I guess she is no better than Mrs. +Brookley, and _she_ isn't. There's Ester; she's a member of the +church." + +"And do you see as she gets on any better with her religion, than you +do without it? For _my_ part, I think you are considerably pleasanter +to deal with." + +Sadie laughed. "We're no more alike than a bee and a butterfly, or any +other useless little thing," she said, brightly. "But you're very much +mistaken if you think I'm the best. Mother would lie down in despair +and die, and this house would come to naught at once, if it were not +for Ester." + +Mr. Arnett shrugged his shoulders. "I _always_ liked butterflies +better than bees," he said. "Bees _sting_." + +"Harry," said Sadie, speaking more gravely, "I'm afraid you're almost +an infidel." + +"If I'm not, I can tell you one thing--it's not the fault of +Christians." + +Mrs. Holland tossed her letters down to him from the piazza above, and +Mr. Arnett went away. + +Florence Vane came over from the cottage across the way--came with +slow, feeble steps, and sat down in the door beside her friend. +Presently Ester came out to them: + +"Sadie, can't you go to the office for me? I forgot to send this +letter with the rest." + +"Yes," said Sadie. "That is if you think you can go that little bit, +Florence." + +"I shall think for her," Dr. Van Anden said, coming down the stairs. +"Florence out here to-night, with the dew falling, and not even any +thing to protect your head. I am surprised!" + +"Oh, Doctor, do let me enjoy this soft air for a few minutes." + +"_Positively_, no. Either come in the house, or go home _directly_. +You are very imprudent. Miss Ester, _I'll_ mail your letters for you." + +"What does Dr. Van Anden want to act like a simpleton about Florence +Vane for?" Ester asked this question late in the evening, when the +sisters were alone in their room. + +Sadie paused in her merry chatter. "Why, Ester, what do you mean? +About her being out to-night? Why, you know, she ought to be very +careful; and I'm afraid she isn't. The doctor told her father this +morning he was afraid she would not live through the season, unless +she was more careful." + +"Fudge!" said Ester. "He thinks he is a wise man; he wants to make her +out very sick, so that he may have the honor of helping her. I don't +see as she looks any worse than she did a year ago." + +Sadie turned slowly around toward her sister. "Ester, I don't know +what is the matter with you to-night. You know that Florence Vane has +the consumption, and you know that she is my _dear_ friend." + +Ester did not know what was the matter with herself, save that this +had been the hardest day, from first to last, that she had ever known, +and she was rasped until there was no good feeling left in her heart +to touch. Little Minnie had given her the last hardening touch of the +day, by exclaiming, as she was being hugged and kissed with eager, +passionate kisses: + +"Oh, Auntie Essie! You've cried tears on my white apron, and put out +all the starch." + +Ester set her down hastily, and went away. + +Certainly Ester was cross and miserable. Dr. Van Anden was one of her +thorns. He crossed her path quite often, either with close, searching +words about self-control, or grave silence. She disliked him. + +Sadie, as from her pillow she watched her sister in the moonlight +kneel down hastily, and knew that she was repeating a few words of +prayer, thought of Mr. Arnett's words spoken that evening, and, with +her heart throbbing still under the sharp tones concerning Florence, +sighed a little, and said within herself: + +"I should not wonder if Harry were right." And Ester was so much +asleep, that she did not know, at least did not realize, that she had +dishonored her Master all that day. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +FLORENCE VANE. + + +Of the same opinion concerning Florence was Ester, a few weeks later, +when, one evening as she was hurrying past him, Dr. Van Anden detained +her: + +"I want to see you a moment, Miss Ester." + +During these weeks Ester had been roused. Sadie was sick; had been +sick enough to awaken many anxious fears; sick enough for Ester to +discover what a desolate house theirs would have been, supposing her +merry music had been hushed forever. She discovered, too, how very +much she loved her bright young sister. + +She had been very kind and attentive; but the fever was gone now, and +Sadie was well enough to rove around the house again; and Ester +began to think that it couldn't be so very hard to have loving hands +ministering to one's simplest want, to be cared for, and watched over, +and petted every hour in the day. She was returning to her impatient, +irritable life. She forgot how high the fever had been at night, and +how the young head had ached; and only remembered how thoroughly tired +she was, watching and ministering day and night. So, when she followed +Dr. Van Anden to the sitting-room, in answer to his "I want to see +you, Miss Ester," it was a very sober, not altogether pleasant face +which listened to his words. + +"Florence Vane is very sick to-night. Some one should be with her +besides the housekeeper. I thought of you. Will you watch with her?" + +If any reasonable excuse could have been found, Ester would surely +have said "No," so foolish did this seem to her. Why, only yesterday +she had seen Florence sitting beside the open window, looking very +well; but then, she was Sadie's friend, and it had been more than two +weeks since Sadie had needed watching with at night. So Ester could +not plead fatigue. + +"I suppose so," she answered, slowly, to the waiting doctor, hearing +which, he wheeled and left her, turning back, though, to say: + +"Do not mention this to Sadie in her present state of body. I don't +care to have her excited." + +"Very careful you are of everybody," muttered Ester, as he hastened +away. "Tell her what, I wonder? That you are making much ado about +nothing, for the sake of showing your astonishing skill?" + +In precisely this state of mind she went, a few hours later, over to +the cottage, into the quiet room where Florence lay asleep--and, for +aught she could see, sleeping as quietly as young, fresh life ever +did. + +"What do you think of her?" whispered the old lady who acted as +housekeeper, nurse and mother to the orphaned Florence. + +"I think I haven't seen her look better this great while," Ester +answered, abruptly. + +"Well, I can't say as she looks any worse to _me_ either; but Dr. Van +Anden is in a fidget, and I suppose he knows what he's about." + +The doctor came in at eleven o'clock, stood for a moment by the +bedside, glanced at the old lady, who was dozing in her rocking-chair, +then came over to Ester and spoke low: + +"I can't trust the nurse. She has been broken of her rest, and is +weary. I want _you_ to keep awake. If she" (nodding toward Florence) +"stirs, give her a spoonful from that tumbler on the stand. I shall be +back at twelve. If she wakens, you may call her father, and send +John for me; he's in the kitchen. I shall be around the corner at +Vinton's." + +Then he went away, softly, as he had come. + +The lamp burned low over by the window, the nurse slept on in her +arm-chair, and Ester sat with wide-open eyes fixed on Florence. And +all this time she thought that the doctor was engaged in getting up +a scene, the story of which should go forth next day in honor of his +skill and faithfulness; yet, having come to watch, she would not sleep +at her post, even though she believed in her heart that, were she +sleeping by Sadie's side, and the doctor quiet in his own room, all +would go on well until the morning. + +But the doctor's evident anxiety had driven sleep from the eyes of the +gray-haired old man whose one darling lay quiet on the bed. He came in +very soon after the doctor had departed. + +"I can't sleep," he said, in explanation, to Ester. "Some way I feel +worried. Does she seem worse to you?" + +"Not a bit," Ester said, promptly. "I think she looks better than +usual." + +"Yes," Mr. Vane answered, in an encouraged tone; "and she has been +quite bright all day; but the doctor is all down about her. He won't +say a single cheering word." + +Ester's indignation grew upon her. "He might, at least, have let this +old man sleep in peace," she said, sharply, in her heart. + +At twelve, precisely, the doctor returned. He went directly to the +bedside. + +"How has she been?" he asked of Ester, in passing. + +"Just as she is now." Ester's voice was not only dry, but sarcastic. + +Mr. Vane scanned the doctor's face eagerly, but it was grave and sad. +Quiet reigned in the room. The two men at Florence's side neither +spoke nor stirred. Ester kept her seat across from them, and grew +every moment more sure that she was right, and more provoked. Suddenly +the silence was broken. Dr. Van Anden bent low over the sleeper, and +spoke in a gentle, anxious tone: "Florence." But she neither stirred +nor heeded. He spoke again: "Florence;" and the blue eyes unclosed +slowly and wearily. The doctor drew back quickly, and motioned her +father forward. + +"Speak to her, Mr. Vane." + +"Florence, my darling," the old man said, with inexpressible love and +tenderness sounding in his voice. His fair young daughter turned her +eyes on him; but the words she spoke were not of him, or of aught +around her. So clear and sweet they sounded, that Ester, sitting quite +across the room from her, heard them distinctly. + +"I saw mother, and I saw my Savior." + +Dr. Van Anden sank upon his knees, as the drooping lids closed again, +and his voice was low and tremulous: + +"Father, into thy hands we commit this spirit. Thy will be done." + +In a moment more all was bustle and confusion. The nurse was +thoroughly awakened; the doctor cared for the poor childless father +with the tenderness of a son; then came back to send John for help, +and to give directions concerning what was to be done. + +Through it all Ester sat motionless, petrified with solemn +astonishment. Then the angel of death had _really_ been there in that +very room, and she had been "so wise in her own conceit," that she did +not know it until he had departed with the freed spirit! + +Florence really _was_ sick, then--dangerously sick. The doctor had not +deceived them, had not magnified the trouble as she supposed; but it +could not be that she was dead! Dead! Why, only a few minutes ago she +was sleeping so quietly! Well, she was very quiet now. Could the heart +have ceased its beating? + +Sadie's Florence dead! Poor Sadie! What would they say to her? How +_could_ they tell her? + +Sitting there, Ester had some of the most solemn, self-reproachful +thoughts that she had ever known. God's angel had been present in that +room, and in what a spirit had he found this watcher? + +Dr. Van Anden went quietly, promptly, from room to room, until every +thing in the suddenly stricken household was as it should be; then he +came to Ester: + +"I will go over home with you now," he said, speaking low and kindly. +He seemed to under stand just how shocked she felt. + +They went, in the night and darkness, across the street, saying +nothing. As the doctor applied his key to the door, Ester spoke in +low, distressed tones: + +"Doctor Van Anden, I did not think--I did not dream--." Then she +stopped. + +"I know," he said, kindly. "It was unexpected. _I_ thought she would +linger until morning, perhaps through the day. Indeed, I was so sure, +that I ventured to keep my worst fears from Mr. Vane. I wanted him to +rest to-night. I am sorry--it would have been better to have prepared +him; but 'At even, or at midnight, or at the cock-crowing, or in the +morning'--you see we know not which. I thank God that to Florence it +did not matter." + +Those days which followed were days of great opportunity to Ester, if +she had but known how to use them. Sadie's sad, softened heart, +into which grief had entered, might have been turned by a few kind, +skillful words, from thoughts of Florence to Florence's Savior. Ester +_did_ try; she was kinder, more gentle with the young sister than +was her wont to be; and once, when Sadie was lingering fondly over +memories of her friend, she said, in an awkward, blundering way, +something about Florence having been prepared to die, and hoping that +Sadie would follow her example. Sadie looked surprised, but answered, +gravely: + +"I never expect to be like Florence. She was perfect, or, at least, +I'm sure I could never see any thing about her that wasn't perfection. +You know, Ester, she never did any thing wrong." + +And Ester, unused to it, and confused with her own attempt, kept +silence, and let poor Sadie rest upon the thought that it was +Florence's goodness which made her ready to die, instead of the blood +of Jesus. + +So the time passed; the grass grew green over Florence's grave, and +Sadie missed her indeed. Yet the serious thoughts grew daily fainter, +and Ester's golden opportunity for leading her to Christ was lost. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE SUNDAY LESSON. + + +Alfred and Julia Ried were in the sitting-room, studying their +Sabbath-school lessons. Those two were generally to be found together; +being twins, they had commenced _life_ together, and had thus far gone +side by side. It was a quiet October Sabbath afternoon. The twins +had a great deal of business on hand during the week, and the +Sabbath-school lesson used to stand a fair chance of being forgotten; +so Mrs. Ried had made a law that half an hour of every Sabbath +afternoon should be spent in studying the lesson for the coming +Sabbath. Ester sat in the same room, by the window; she had been +reading, but her book had fallen idly in her lap, and she seemed lost +in thought Sadie, too, was there, carrying on a whispered conversation +with Minnie, who was snugged close in her arms, and merry bursts of +laughter came every few minutes from the little girl. The idea of +Sadie keeping quiet herself, or of keeping any body else quiet, was +simply absurd. + +"But I say unto you that ye resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite +thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also," read Julia, +slowly and thoughtfully. "Alfred, what do you suppose that can mean?" + +"Don't know, I'm sure," Alfred said. "The next one is just as queer: +'And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let +him have thy cloak also.' I'd like to see _me_ doing that. I'd fight +for it, I reckon." + +"Oh, Alfred! you wouldn't, if the Bible said you mustn't, would you?" + +"I don't suppose this means us at all," said Alfred, using, +unconsciously, the well-known argument of all who have tried to slip +away from gospel teaching since Adam's time. + +"I suppose it's talking to those wicked old fellows who lived before +the flood, or some such time." + +"Well, _any_how," said Julia, "I should like to know what it all +means. I wish mother would come home. I wonder how Mrs. Vincent is. Do +you suppose she will die, Alfred?" + +"Don't know--just hear this, Julia! 'But I say unto you, Love your +enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and +pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.' Wouldn't +you like to see anybody who did all that?" + +"Sadie," said Julia, rising suddenly, and moving over to where the +frolic was going on, "won't you tell us about our lesson? We don't +understand a bit about it; and I can't learn any thing that I don't +understand." + +"Bless your heart, child! I suspect you know more about the Bible this +minute than I do. Mother was too busy taking care of you two, when I +was a little chicken, to teach me as she has you." + +"Well, but what _can_ that mean--'If a man strikes you on one cheek, +let him strike the other too?'" + +"Yes," said Alfred, chiming in, "and, 'If anybody takes your coat +away, give him your cloak too.'" + +"I suppose it means just that," said Sadie. "If anybody steals your +mittens, as that Bush girl did yours last winter, Julia, you are to +take your hood right off, and give it to her." + +"Oh, Sadie! you _don't_ ever mean that." + +"And then," continued Sadie, gravely, "if that shouldn't satisfy her, +you had better take off your shoes and stockings, and give her them." + +"Sadie," said Ester, "how _can_ you teach those children such +nonsense?" + +"She isn't teaching _me_ any thing," interrupted Alfred. "I guess I +ain't such a dunce as to swallow all that stuff." + +"Well," said Sadie, meekly, "I'm sure I'm doing the best I can; +and you are all finding fault. I've explained to the best of _my_ +abilities Julia, I'll tell you the truth;" and for a moment her +laughing face grew sober. "I don't know the least thing about +it--don't pretend to. Why don't you ask Ester? She can tell you more +about the Bible in a minute, I presume, than I could in a year." + +Ester laid her book on the window. "Julia, bring your Bible here," she +said, gravely. "Now what is the matter? I never heard you make such a +commotion over your lesson." + +"Mother always explains it," said Alfred, "and she hasn't got back +from Mrs. Vincent's; and I don't believe anyone else in this house +_can_ do it." + +"Alfred," said Ester, "don't be impertinent. Julia, what is that you +want to know?" + +"About the man being struck on one cheek, how he must let them strike +the other too. What does it mean?" + +"It means just _that_, when girls are cross and ugly to you, you must +be good and kind to them; and, when a boy knocks down another, he must +forgive him, instead of getting angry and knocking back." + +"Ho!" said Alfred, contemptuously, "_I_ never saw the boy yet who +would do it." + +"That only proves that boys are naughty, quarrelsome fellows, who +don't obey what the Bible teaches." + +"But, Ester," interrupted Julia, anxiously, "was that true what Sadie +said about me giving my shoes and stockings and my hood to folks who +stole something from me?" + +"Of course not. Sadie shouldn't talk such nonsense to you. That is +about men going to law. Mother will explain it when she goes over the +lesson with you." + +Julia was only half satisfied. "What does that verse mean about doing +good to them that--" + +"Here, I'll read it," said Alfred--"'But I say unto you, Love your +enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and +pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.'" + +"Why, that is plain enough. It means just what it says. When people +are ugly to you, and act as though they hated you, you must be very +good and kind to them, and pray for them, and love them." + +"Ester, does God really mean for us to love people who are ugly to us, +and to be good to them?" + +"Of course." + +"Well, then, why don't we, if God says so? Ester, why don't you?" + +"That's the point!" exclaimed Sadie, in her most roguish tone. "I'm +glad you've made the application, Julia." + +Now Ester's heart had been softening under the influence of these +peaceful Bible words. She believed them; and in her heart was a real, +earnest desire to teach her brother and sister Bible truths. Left +alone, she would have explained that those who loved Jesus _were_ +struggling, in a weak feeble way, to obey these directions; that she +herself was trying, trying _hard_ sometimes; that _they_ ought to. But +there was this against Ester--her whole life was so at variance with +those plain, searching Bible rules, that the youngest child could not +but see it; and Sadie's mischievous tones and evident relish of +her embarrassment at Julia's question, destroyed the self-searching +thoughts. She answered, with severe dignity: + +"Sadie, if I were you, I wouldn't try to make the children as +irreverent as I was myself." Then she went dignifiedly from the room. + +Dr. Van Anden paused for a moment before Sadie, as she sat alone in +the sitting-room that same Sabbath-evening. + +"Sadie," said he, "is there one verse in the Bible which you have +never read?" + +"Plenty of them, Doctor. I commenced reading the Bible through once; +but I stopped at some chapter in Numbers--the thirtieth, I think it +is, isn't it? or somewhere along there where all those hard names are, +you know. But why do you ask?" + +The doctor opened a large Bible which lay on the stand before them, +and read aloud: "Ye have perverted the words of the living God." + +Sadie looked puzzled. "Now, Doctor, what ever possessed you to think +that I had never read that verse?" + +"God counts that a solemn thing, Sadie." + +"Very likely; what then?" + +"I was reading on the piazza when the children came to you for an +explanation of their lesson." + +Sadie laughed. "Did you hear that conversation, Doctor? I hope you +were benefited." Then, more gravely: "Dr. Van Anden, do you really +mean me to think that I was perverting Scripture?" + +"_I_ certainly think so, Sadie. Were you not giving the children wrong +ideas concerning the teachings of our Savior?" + +Sadie was quite sober now. "I told the truth at last, Doctor. I +don't know any thing about these matters. People who profess to be +Christians do not live according to our Savior's teaching. At least +_I_ don't see any who do; and it sometimes seems to me that those +verses which the children were studying, _can not_ mean what they say, +or Christian people would surely _try_ to follow them." + +For an answer, Dr. Van Anden turned the Bible leaves again, and +pointed with his finger to this verse, which Sadie read: + +"But as he which has called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner +of conversation." + +After that he went out of the room. + +And Sadie, reading the verse over again, could not but understand that +she _might_ have a perfect pattern, if she would. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +THE POOR LITTLE FISH. + + +"Mother," said Sadie, appearing in the dining-room one morning, +holding Julia by the hand, "did you ever hear of the fish who fell out +of the frying-pan into the fire?" Which question her mother answered +by asking, without turning her eyes from the great batch of bread +which she was molding: "What mischief are you up to now, Sadie?" +"Why, nothing," said Sadie; "only here is the very fish so renowned in +ancient history, and I've brought her for your inspection." + +This answer brought Mrs. Ried's eyes around from the dough, and fixed +them upon Julia; and she said, as soon as she caught a glimpse of the +forlorn little maiden: "O, my _patience_!" + +A specimen requiring great patience from any one coming in contact +with her, was this same Julia. The pretty blue dress and white apron +were covered with great patches of mud; morocco boots and neat white +stockings were in the same direful plight; and down her face the salt +and muddy tears were running, for her handkerchief was also streaked +with mud. + +"I should _think_ so!" laughed Sadie, in answer to her mother's +exclamation. "The history of the poor little fish, in brief, is this: +She started, immaculate in white apron, white stockings, and the like, +for the post-office, with Ester's letter. She met with temptation in +the shape of a little girl with paper dolls; and, while admiring them, +the letter had the meanness to slip out of her hand into the mud! +That, you understand, was the frying-pan. Much horrified with this +state of things, the two wise young heads were put together, and the +brilliant idea conceived of giving the muddy letter a thorough washing +in the creek! So to the creek they went; and, while they stood ankle +deep in the mud, vigorously carrying their idea into effect, the +vicious little thing hopped out of Julia's hand, and sailed merrily +away, down stream! So there she was, 'Out of the frying-pan into the +fire,' sure enough! And the letter has sailed for Uncle Ralph's by a +different route than that which is usually taken." + +Sadie's nonsense was interrupted at this point by Ester, who had +listened with darkening face to the rapidly told story: + +"She ought to be thoroughly _whipped_, the careless little goose! +Mother, if you don't punish her now, I never would again." + +Then Julia's tearful sorrow blazed into sudden anger: "I _oughtn't_ to +be whipped; you're an ugly, mean sister to say so. I tumbled down and +hurt my arm _dreadfully_, trying to catch your old _hateful_ letter; +and you're just as mean as you can be!" + +Between tears, and loud tones, and Sadie's laughter, Julia had managed +to burst forth these angry sentences before her mother's voice reached +her; when it did, she was silenced. + +"Julia, I am _astonished_! Is that the way to speak to your sister? +Go up to my room directly; and, when you have put on dry clothes, sit +down there, and stay until you are ready to tell Ester that you are +sorry, and ask her to forgive you." + +"_Really_, mother," Sadie said, as the little girl went stamping up +the stairs, her face buried in her muddy handkerchief, "I'm not sure +but you have made a mistake, and Ester is the one to be sent to her +room until she can behave better. I don't pretend to be _good_ myself; +but I must say it seems ridiculous to speak in the way she did to a +sorry, frightened child. I never saw a more woeful figure in my life;" +and Sadie laughed again at the recollection. + +"Yes," said Ester, "you uphold her in all sorts of mischief and +insolence; that is the reason she is so troublesome to manage." + +Mrs. Ried looked distressed. "Don't, Ester," she said; "don't speak +in that loud, sharp tone. Sadie, you should not encourage Julia in +speaking improperly to her sister. I think myself that Ester was hard +with her. The poor child did not mean any harm; but she must not be +rude to anybody." + +"Oh, yes," Ester said, speaking bitterly, "of course _I_ am the one to +blame; I always _am_. No one in this house ever does any thing wrong +except _me_." + +Mrs. Ried sighed heavily, and Sadie turned away and ran up stairs, +humming: + + "Oh, would I were a buttercup, + A blossom in the meadow." + +And Julia, in her mother's room, exchanged her wet and muddy garments +for clean ones, and _cried_; washed her face in the clear, pure water +until it was fresh and clean, and cried again, louder and harder; her +heart was all bruised and bleeding. She had not meant to be careless. +She had been carefully dressed that morning to spend the long, bright +Saturday with Vesta Griswold. She had intended to go swiftly and +safely to the post-office with the small white treasure intrusted to +her care; but those paper dolls were _so_ pretty, and of course there +was no harm in walking along with Addie, and looking at them. How +could she know that the hateful letter was going to tumble out of her +apron pocket? Right there, too, the only place along the road where +there was the least bit of mud to be seen! Then she had honestly +supposed that a little clean water from the creek, applied with her +smooth white handkerchief, would take the stains right out of the +envelope, and the sun would dry it, and it would go safely to Uncle +Ralph's after all; but, instead of that, the hateful, _hateful_ thing +slipped right out of her hand, and went floating down the stream; and +at this point Julia's sobs burst forth afresh. Presently she took up +her broken thread of thought, and went on: How very, _very_ ugly Ester +was; if _she_ hadn't been there, her mother would have listened kindly +to her story of how very sorry she was, and how she meant to do just +right. Then she would have forgiven her, and she would have been +freshly dressed in her clean blue dress instead of her pink one, and +would have had her happy day after all; and now she would have to +spend this bright day all alone; and, at this point, her tears rolled +down in torrents. + +"Jule," called a familiar voice, under her window, "where are you? +Come down and mend my sail for me, won't you?" + +Julia went to the window and poured into Alfred's sympathetic ears the +story of her grief and her wrongs. + +"Just exactly like her," was his comment on Ester's share in the +tragedy. "She grows crosser every day. I guess, if I were you, I'd let +her wait a spell before I asked her forgiveness." + +"I guess I shall," sputtered Julia. "She was meaner than any thing, +and I'd tell her so this minute, if I saw her; that's all the sorry I +am." + +So the talk went on; and when Alfred was called to get Ester a pail +of water, and left Julia in solitude, she found her heart very much +strengthened in its purpose to tire everybody out in waiting for her +apology. + +The long, warm, busy day moved on; and the overworked and wearied +mother found time to toil up two flights of stairs in search of her +young daughter, in the hope of soothing and helping her; but Julia was +in no mood to be helped. She hated to stay up there alone; she wanted +to go down in the garden with Alfred; she wanted to go to the arbor +and read her new book; she wanted to take a walk down by the river; +she wanted her dinner exceedingly; but to ask Ester's forgiveness +was the one thing that she did _not_ want to do. No, not if she staid +there alone for a week; not if she _starved_, she said aloud, stamping +her foot and growing indignant over the thought. Alfred came as often +as his Saturday occupations would admit, and held emphatic talks with +the little prisoner above, admiring her "pluck," and assuring her that +he "wouldn't give in, not he." + +"You see I _can't_ do it," said Julia, with a gleam of satisfaction +in her eyes, "because it wouldn't be true. I'm _not_ sorry; and mother +wouldn't have me tell a lie for anybody." + +So the sun went toward the west, and Julia at the window watched the +academy girls moving homeward from their afternoon ramble, listened to +the preparations for tea which were being made among the dishes in the +dining-room, and, having no more tears to shed, sighed wearily, and +wished the miserable day were quite done and she was sound asleep. +Only a few moments before she had received a third visit from her +mother; and, turning to her, fresh from a talk with Alfred, she had +answered her mother's question as to whether she were not now ready +to ask Ester's forgiveness, with quite as sober and determined a "No, +ma'am," as she had given that day; and her mother had gravely and +sadly answered, "I am very sorry, Julia I can't come up here again; I +am too tired for that. You may come to me, if you wish to see me any +time before seven o'clock. After that you must go to your room." + +And with this Julia had let her depart, only saying, as the door +closed: "Then I can be asleep before Ester comes up. I'm glad of that. +I wouldn't look at her again to-day for anything." And then Julia was +once more summoned to the window. + +"Jule," Alfred said, with less decision in his voice than there had +been before, "mother looked awful tired when she came down stairs just +now, and there was a tear rolling down her cheek." + +"There was?" said Julia, in a shocked and troubled tone. + +"And I guess," Alfred continued, "she's had a time of it to-day. Ester +is too cross even to look at; and they've been working pell-mell all +day; and Minnie tumbled over the ice-box and got hurt, and mother held +her most an hour; and I guess she feels real bad about this. She told +Sadie she felt sorry for you." + +Silence for a little while at the window above, and from the boy +below: then he broke forth suddenly: "I say, Jule, hadn't you better +do it after all--not for Ester, but there's mother, you know." + +"But, Alfred," interrupted the truthful and puzzled Julia, "what can I +do about it? You know I'm to tell Ester that I'm sorry; and that will +not be true." + +This question also troubled Alfred. It did not seem to occur to these +two foolish young heads that she _ought_ to be sorry for her own angry +words, no matter how much in the wrong another had been. So they stood +with grave faces, and thought about it. Alfred found a way out of the +mist at last. + +"See here, aren't you sorry that you couldn't go to Vesta's, and had +to stay up there alone all day, and that it bothered mother?" + +"Of course," said Julia, "I'm real sorry about mother. Alfred, did I, +honestly, make her cry?" + +"Yes, you did," Alfred answered, earnestly. "I saw that tear as plain +as day. Now you see you can tell Ester you're sorry, just as well as +not; because, if you hadn't said any thing to her, mother could have +made it all right; so of course you're sorry." + +"Well," said Julia, slowly, rather bewildered still, "that sounds as +if it was right; and yet, somehow----. Well, Alfred, you wait for me, +and I'll be down right away." + +So it happened that a very penitent little face stood at her mother's +elbow a few moments after this; and Julia's voice was very earnest: +"Mother, I'm so sorry I made you such a great deal of trouble to-day." + +And the patient mother turned and kissed the flushed cheek, and +answered kindly: "Mother will forgive you. Have you seen Ester, my +daughter?" + +"No, ma'am," spoken more faintly; "but I'm going to find her right +away." + +And Ester answered the troubled little voice with a cold "Actions +speak louder than words. I hope you will show how sorry you are by +behaving better in future. Stand out of my way." + +"Is it all done up?" Alfred asked, a moment later, as she joined him +on the piazza to take a last look at the beauty of this day which had +opened so brightly for her. + +"Yes," with a relieved sigh; "and, Alfred, I never mean to be such a +woman as Ester is when I grow up. I wouldn't for the world. I mean to +be nice, and good, and kind, like sister Sadie." + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +SOMETHING HAPPENS. + + +Now the letter which had caused so much trouble in the Ried family, +and especially in Ester's heart, was, in one sense, not an ordinary +letter. It had been written to Ester's cousin, Abbie, her one intimate +friend, Uncle Ralph's only daughter. These two, of the same age, had +been correspondents almost from their babyhood; and yet they had never +seen each other's faces. + +To go to New York, to her uncle's house, to see and be with Cousin +Abbie, had been the one great dream of Ester's heart--as likely to be +realized, she could not help acknowledging, as a journey to the moon, +and no more so. New York was at least five hundred miles away; and +the money necessary to carry her there seemed like a small fortune to +Ester, to say nothing of the endless additions to her wardrobe which +would have to be made before she would account herself ready. So she +contented herself, or perhaps it would be more truthful to say she +made herself discontented, with ceaseless dreams over what New York, +and her uncle's family, and, above all, Cousin Abbie, were like; and +whether she would ever see them; and why it had always happened that +something was sure to prevent Abbie's visits to herself; and whether +she should like her as well, if she could be with her, as she did now; +and a hundred other confused and disconnected thoughts about them all. + +Ester had no idea what this miserable, restless dreaming of hers was +doing for her. She did not see that her very desires after a better +life, which were sometimes strong upon her, were colored with +impatience and envy. + +Cousin Abbie was a Christian, and wrote her some earnest letters; +but to Ester it seemed a very easy matter indeed for one who was +surrounded, as she imagined Abbie to be, by luxury and love, to be +a joyous, eager Christian. Into this very letter that poor Julia had +sent sailing down the stream, some of her inmost feelings had been +poured. + +"Don't think me devoid of all aspirations after something higher," +so the letter ran. "Dear Abbie, you, in your sunny home, can never +imagine how wildly I long sometimes to be free from my surroundings, +free from petty cares and trials, and vexations, which, I feel, are +eating out my very life. Oh, to be free for one hour, to feel +myself at liberty, for just one day, to follow my own tastes and +inclinations; to be the person I believe God designed me to be; to +fill the niche I believe He designed me to fill! Abbie, I _hate_ my +life. I have not a happy moment. It is all rasped, and warped, and +unlovely. I am nothing, and I know it; and I had rather, for my own +comfort, be like the most of those who surround me--nothing, and not +know it. Sometimes I can not help asking myself why I was made as I +am. Why can't I be a clod, a plodder, and drag my way with stupid good +nature through this miserable world, instead of chafing and bruising +myself at every step." + +Now it would be very natural to suppose that a young lady with a +grain of sense left in her brains, would, in cooler moments, have +been rather glad than otherwise, to have such a restless, unhappy, +unchristianlike letter hopelessly lost. But Ester felt, as has been +seen, thoroughly angry that so much lofty sentiment, which she mistook +for religion, was entirely lost Yet let it not be supposed that one +word of this rebellious outbreak was written simply for effect. Ester, +when she wrote that she "hated her life," was thoroughly and miserably +in earnest. When, in the solitude of her own room, she paced her floor +that evening, and murmured, despairingly: "Oh, if something would +_only_ happen to rest me for just a little while!" she was more +thoroughly in earnest than any human being who feels that Christ has +died to save her, and that she has an eternal resting-place prepared +for her, and waiting to receive her, has any right to feel on such a +subject. Yet, though the letter had never reached its destination, +the pitying Savior, looking down upon his poor, foolish lamb in tender +love, made haste to prepare an answer to her wild, rebellious cry for +help, even though she cried blindly, without a thought of the Helper +who is sufficient for all human needs. + +"Long looked for, come at last!" and Sadie's clear voice rang through +the dining-room, and a moment after that young lady herself reached +the pump-room, holding up for Ester's view a dainty envelope, directed +in a yet more dainty hand to Miss Ester Ried. "Here's that wonderful +letter from Cousin Abbie which you have sent me to the post-office +after three times a day for as many weeks. It reached here by the way +of Cape Horn, I should say, by its appearance. It has been remailed +twice." + +Ester set her pail down hastily, seized the letter, and retired to the +privacy of the pantry to devour it; and for once was oblivious to the +fact that Sadie lunched on bits of cake broken from the smooth, square +loaf while she waited to hear the news. + +"Anything special?" Mrs. Ried asked, pausing in the doorway, which +question Ester answered by turning a flushed and eager face toward +them, as she passed the letter to Sadie, with permission to read it +aloud. Surprised into silence by the unusual confidence, Sadie read +the dainty epistle without comment: + +"MY DEAR ESTER: + +"I'm in a grand flurry, and shall therefore not stop for long stories +to-day, but come at the pith of the matter immediately. We want you. +That is nothing new, you are aware, as we have been wanting you +for many a day. But there is new decision in my plans, and new +inducements, this time. We not only want, but _must_ have you. Please +don't say 'No' to me this once. We are going to have a wedding in our +house, and we need your presence, and wisdom, and taste. Father says +you can't be your mother's daughter if you haven't exquisite taste. +I am very busy helping to get the bride in order, which is a work of +time and patience; and I do so much need your aid; besides, the bride +is your Uncle Ralph's only daughter, so of course you ought to be +interested in her. + +"Ester, _do_ come. Father says the inclosed fifty dollars is a present +from him, which you must honor by letting it pay your fare to New York +just as soon as possible. The wedding is fixed for the twenty-second; +and we want you here at least three weeks before that. Brother Ralph +is to be first groomsman; and he especially needs your assistance, as +the bride has named you for her first bridesmaid. I'm to dress--I mean +the bride is to dress--in white, and mother has a dress prepared for +the bridesmaid to match hers; so that matter need not delay or cause +you anxiety. + +"This letter is getting too long. I meant it to be very brief and +pointed. I designed every other word to be 'come;' but after all I do +not believe you will need so much urging to be with us at this time. +I flatter myself that you love me enough to come to me if you can. So, +leaving Ralph to write directions concerning route and trains, I will +run and try on the bride's bonnet, which has just come home. + +"P.S. There is to be a groom as well as a bride, though I see I have +said nothing concerning him. Never mind, you shall see him when you +come. Dear Ester, there isn't a word of tense in this letter, I know; +but I haven't time to put any in." + +"Really," laughed Sadie, as she concluded the reading, "this is almost +foolish enough to have been written by me. Isn't it splendid, though? +Ester, I'm glad you are _you_. I wish I had corresponded with Cousin +Abbie myself. A wedding of any kind is a delicious novelty; but a real +New York wedding, and a bridesmaid besides--my! I've a mind to clap my +hands for you, seeing you are too dignified to do it yourself." + +"Oh," said Ester, from whose face the flush had faded, leaving it +actually pale with excitement and expected disappointment, "you don't +suppose I am foolish enough to think I can go, do you?" + +"Of course you will go, when Uncle Ralph has paid your fare, and more, +too. Fifty dollars will buy a good deal besides a ticket to New York. +Mother, don't you ever think of saying that she can't go; there is +nothing to hinder her. She is to go, isn't she?" + +"Why, I don't know," answered this perplexed mother. "I want her to, I +am sure; yet I don't see how she can be spared. She will need a great +many things besides a ticket, and fifty dollars do not go as far as +you imagine; besides, Ester, you know I depend on you so much." + +Ester's lips parted to speak; and had the words come forth which were +in her heart, they would have been sharp and bitter ones--about never +expecting to go anywhere, never being able to do any thing but work; +but Sadie's eager voice was quicker than hers: + +"Oh now, mother, it is no use to talk in that way. I've quite set my +heart on Ester's going. I never expect to have an invitation there +myself, so I must take my honors secondhand. + +"Mother, it is time you learned to depend on me a little. I'm two +inches taller than Ester, and I've no doubt I shall develop into a +remarkable person when she is where we can't all lean upon her. School +closes this very week, you know, and we have vacation until October. +Abbie couldn't have chosen a better time. Whom do you suppose she +is to marry? What a queer creature, not to tell us. Say she can go, +mother--quick!" + +Sadie's last point was a good one in Mrs. Ried's opinion. Perhaps the +giddy Sadie, at once her pride and her anxiety, might learn a little +self-reliance by feeling a shadow of the weight of care which rested +continually on Ester. + +"You certainly need the change," she said, her eyes resting pityingly +on the young, careworn face of her eldest daughter. "But how could we +manage about your wardrobe? Your black silk is nice, to be sure; but +you would need one bright evening dress at least, and you know we +haven't the money to spare." + +Then Sadie, thoughtless, selfish Sadie, who was never supposed to have +one care for others, and very little for herself--Sadie, who vexed +Ester nearly every hour in the day, by what, at the time, always +seemed some especially selfish, heedless act--suddenly shone out +gloriously. She stood still, and actually seemed to think for a full +minute, while Ester jerked a pan of potatoes toward her, and commenced +peeling vigorously; then she clapped her hands, and gave vent to +little gleeful shouts before she exclaimed "Oh, mother, mother! I have +it exactly. I wonder we didn't think of it before. There's my blue +silk--just the thing! I am tall, and she is short, so it will make her +a beautiful train dress. Won't that do splendidly!" + +The magnitude of this proposal awed even Ester into silence. To be +appreciated, it must be understood that Sadie Ried had never in her +life possessed a silk dress. Mrs. Ried's best black silk had long ago +been cut over for Ester; so had her brown and white plaid; so there +had been nothing of the sort to remodel for Sadie; and this elegant +sky-blue silk had been lying in its satin-paper covering for more than +two years. It was the gift of a dear friend of Mrs. Ried's girlhood to +the young beauty who bore her name, and had been waiting all this time +for Sadie to attain proper growth to admit of its being cut into for +her. Meantime she had feasted her eyes upon it, and gloried in the +prospect of that wonderful day when she should sweep across the +platform of Music Hall with this same silk falling in beautiful blue +waves around her; for it had long been settled that it was to be worn +first on that day when she should graduate. + +No wonder, then, that Ester stood in mute astonishment, while Mrs. +Ried commented: + +"Why, Sadie, my dear child, is it possible you are willing to give up +your blue silk?" + +"Not a bit of it, mother; I don't intend to give it up the least bit +in the world. I'm merely going to lend it. It's too pretty to stay +poked up in that drawer by itself any longer. I've set my heart on its +coming out this very season Just as likely as not it will learn to +put on airs for me when I graduate. I'm not at all satisfied with my +attainments in that line; so Ester shall take it to New York; and if +she sits down or stands up, or turns around, or has one minute's peace +while she has it on, for fear lest she should spot it, or tear it, or +get it stepped on, I'll never forgive her." + +And at this harangue Ester laughed a free, glad laugh, such as was +seldom heard from her. Some way it began to seem as if she were really +to go, Sadie had such a brisk, business-like way of saying "Ester +shall take it to New York." Oh, if she only, _only_ could go, she +would be willing to do _any thing_ after that; but one peep, one +little peep into the beautiful magic world that lay outside of that +dining-room and kitchen she felt as if she must have. Perhaps that +laugh did as much for her as any thing. It almost startled Mrs. Ried +with its sweetness and rarity. What if the change would freshen and +brighten her, and bring her back to them with some of the sparkles +that continually danced in Sadie's eyes; but what, on the other hand, +if she should grow utterly disgusted with the monotony of their very +quiet, very busy life, and refuse to work in that most necessary +treadmill any longer. So the mother argued and hesitated, and the +decision which was to mean so much more than any of those knew, +trembled in the balance; for let Mrs. Ried once find voice to say, +"Oh, Ester, I don't see but what you will _have_ to give it up," and +Ester would have turned quickly and with curling lip, to that pan of +potatoes, and have sharply forbidden any one to mention the subject +to her again. Once more Sadie, dear, merry, silly Sadie, came to the +rescue. + +"Mother, oh, mother! what an endless time you are in coming to a +decision! I could plan an expedition to the North Pole in less time +than this. I'm just wild to have her go. I want to hear how a genuine +New York bride looks; besides, you know, dear mother, I want to stay +in the kitchen with you. Ester does every thing, and I don't have +any chance. I perfectly long to bake, and boil, and broil, and brew +things. Say yes, there's a darling." + +And Mrs. Ried looked at the bright, flushed face, and thought how +little the dear child knew about all these matters, and how little +patience poor Ester, who was so competent herself, would have with +Sadie's ignorance, and said, slowly and hesitatingly, but yet actually +said: + +"Well, Ester, my daughter, I really think we must try to get along +without you for a little while!" + +And these three people really seemed to think that they had decided +the matter. Though two of them were at least theoretical believers +in a "special providence," it never once occurred to them that this +little thing, in all its details, had been settled for ages. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +JOURNEYING. + + +"Twenty minutes here for refreshments!" "Passengers for New York take +south track!" "New York daily papers here!" "Sweet oranges here!" +And amid all these yells of discordant tongues, and the screeching +of engines, and the ringing of bells, and the intolerable din of a +merciless gong, Ester pushed and elbowed her way through the crowd, +almost panting with her efforts to keep pace with her traveling +companion, a nervous country merchant on his way to New York to +buy goods. He hurried her through the crowd and the noise into the +dining-saloon; stood by her side while, obedient to his orders, she +poured down her throat a cup of almost boiling coffee; then, seating +her in the ladies' room charged her on no account to stir from +that point while he was gone--he had just time to run around to the +post-office, and mail a forgotten letter; then he vanished, and in +the confusion and the crowd Ester was alone. She did not feel, in the +least, flurried or nervous; on the contrary, she liked it, this first +experience of hers in a city depot; she would not have had it +made known to one of the groups of fashionably-attired and +very-much-at-ease travelers who thronged past her for the world--but +the truth was, Ester had been having her very first ride in the cars! +Sadie had made various little trips in company with school friends to +adjoining towns, after school books, or music, or to attend a concert, +or for pure fun; but, though Ester had spent her eighteen years of +life in a town which had long been an "Express Station," yet want +of time, or of money, or of inclination to take the bits of journeys +which alone were within her reach, had kept her at home. Now she +glanced at herself, at her faultlessly neat and ladylike traveling +suit. She could get a full view of it in an opposite mirror, and it +was becoming, from the dainty vail which fluttered over her hat, to +the shining tip of her walking boots; and she gave a complacent little +sigh, as she said to herself: "I don't see but I look as much like a +traveler as any of them. I'm sure I don't feel in the least confused. +I'm glad I'm not as ridiculously dressed as that pert-looking girl in +brown. I should call it in very bad taste to wear such a rich silk as +that for traveling. She doesn't look as though she had a single idea +beyond dress; probably that is what is occupying her thoughts at +this very moment;" and Ester's speaking face betrayed contempt and +conscious superiority, as she watched the fluttering bit of silk and +ribbons opposite. Ester had a very mistaken opinion of herself in this +respect; probably she would have been startled and indignant had +any one told her that her supposed contempt for the rich and elegant +attire displayed all around her, was really the outgrowth of envy; +that, when she told herself _she_ wouldn't lavish so much time and +thought, and, above all, _money_, on mere outside show, it was mere +nonsense--that she already spent all the time at her disposal, and all +the money she could possibly spare, on the very things which she was +condemning. + +The truth was, Ester had a perfectly royal taste in all these matters. +Give her but the wherewithal, and she would speedily have glistened +in silk, and sparkled with jewels; yet she honestly thought that her +bitter denunciation of fashion and folly in this form was outward +evidence of a mind elevated far above such trivial subjects, and +looked down, accordingly, with cool contempt on those whom she was +pleased to denominate "butterflies of fashion." + +And, in her flights into a "higher sphere of thought," this absurdly +inconsistent Ester never once remembered how, just exactly a week ago +that day, she had gone around like a storm king, in her own otherwise +peaceful home, almost wearing out the long-suffering patience of her +weary mother, rendered the house intolerable to Sadie, and actually +boxed Julia's ears; and all because she saw with her own common-sense +eyes that she really _could_ not have her blue silk, or rather Sadie's +blue silk, trimmed with netted fringe at twelve shillings a yard, but +must do with simple folds and a seventy-five-cent heading! + +Such a two weeks as the last had been in the Ried family! The entire +household had joined in the commotion produced by Ester's projected +visit. It was marvelous how much there was to do. Mrs. Ried toiled +early and late, and made many quiet little sacrifices, in order that +her daughter might not feel too keenly the difference between her +own and her cousin's wardrobe. Sadie emptied what she denominated her +finery box, and donated every article in it, delivering comic little +lectures to each bit of lace and ribbon, as she smoothed them and +patted them, and told them they were going to New York. Julia hemmed +pocket handkerchiefs, and pricked her poor little fingers unmercifully +and uncomplainingly. Alfred ran of errands with remarkable promptness, +but confessed to Julia privately that it was because he was in such +a hurry to have Ester gone, so he could see how it would seem for +everybody to be good natured. Little Minie got in everybody's way as +much as such a tiny creature could, and finally brought the tears +to Ester's eyes, and set every one else into bursts of laughter, by +bringing a very smooth little handkerchief about six inches square, +and offering it as her contribution toward the traveler's outfit. As +for Ester, she was hurried and nervous, and almost unendurably +cross, through the whole of it, wanting a hundred things which it was +impossible for her to have, and scorning not a few little trifles that +had been prepared for her by patient, toil-worn fingers. + +"Ester, I _do_ hope New York, or Cousin Abbie, or somebody, will have +a soothing and improving effect upon you," Sadie had said, with a sort +of good-humored impatience, only the night before her departure. +"Now that you have reached the summit of your hopes, you seem more +uncomfortable about it than you were even to stay at home. Do let +us see you look pleasant for just five minutes, that we may have +something good to remember you by." + +"My dear," Mrs. Ried had interposed, rebukingly, "Ester is hurried and +tired, remember, and has had a great many things to try her to-day. I +don't think it is a good plan, just as a family are about to separate, +to say any careless or foolish words that we don't mean. Mother has a +great many hard days of toil, which Ester has given, to remember her +by." Oh, the patient, tender, forgiving mother! Ester, being asleep +to her own faults, never once thought of the sharp, fretful, half +disgusted way in which much of her work had been performed, but only +remembered, with a little sigh of satisfaction, the many loaves of +cake, and the rows of pies, which she had baked that very morning in +order to save her mother's steps. This was all she thought of now, but +there came days when she was wide-awake. + +Meantime the New York train, after panting and snorting several times +to give notice that the twenty minutes were about up, suddenly puffed +and rumbled its way out from the depot, and left Ester obeying orders, +that is, sitting in the corner where she had been placed by Mr. +Newton--being still outwardly, but there was in her heart a perfect +storm of vexation. "This comes of mother's absurd fussiness in +insisting upon putting me in Mr. Newton's care, instead of letting me +travel alone, as I wanted to," she fumed to herself. "Now we shall not +get into New York until after six o'clock! How provoking!" + +"How provoking this is!" Mr. Newton exclaimed, re-echoing her thoughts +as he bustled in, red with haste and heat, and stood penitently before +her. "I hadn't the least idea it would take so long to go to the +post-office. I am very sorry!" + +"Well," he continued, recovering his good humor, notwithstanding +Ester's provoking silence, "what can't be cured must be endured, Miss +Ester; and it isn't as bad as it might be, either. We've only to wait +an hour and a quarter. I've some errands to do, and I'll show you +the city with pleasure; or would you prefer sitting here and looking +around you?" + +"I should decidedly prefer not running the chance of missing the next +train," Ester answered very shortly. "So I think it will be wiser to +stay where I am." + +In truth Mr. Newton endured the results of his own carelessness with +too much complacency to suit Ester's state of mind; but he took no +notice of her broadly-given hint further than to assure her that she +need give herself no uneasiness on that score; he should certainly be +on time. Then he went off, looking immensely relieved; for Mr. Newton +frankly confessed to himself that he did not know how to take care of +a lady. "If she were a parcel of goods now that one could get stored +or checked, and knew that she would come on all right, why--but a +lady. I'm not used to it. How easily I could have caught that train, +if I hadn't been obliged to run back after her; but, bless me, I +wouldn't have her know that for the world." This he said meditatively +as he walked down South Street. + +The New York train had carried away the greater portion of the +throng at the depot, so that Ester and the dozen or twenty people who +occupied the great sitting-room with her, had comparative quiet. The +wearer of the condemned brown silk and blue ribbons was still there, +and awoke Ester's vexation still further by seeming utterly unable to +keep herself quiet; she fluttered from seat to seat, and from window +to window, like an uneasy bird in a cage. Presently she addressed +Ester in a bright little tone: "Doesn't it bore you dreadfully to wait +in a depot?" + +"Yes," said Ester, briefly and truthfully, notwithstanding the fact +that she was having her first experience in that boredom. + +"Are you going to New York?" + +"I hope so," she answered, with energy. "I expected to have been +almost there by this time; but the gentleman who is supposed to be +taking care of me, had to rush off and stay just long enough to miss +the train." + +"How annoying!" answered the blue ribbons with a soft laugh. "I missed +it, too, in such a silly way. I just ran around the corner to get some +chocolate drops, and a little matter detained me a few moments; and +when I came back, the train had gone. I was so sorry, for I'm in such +a hurry to get home. Do you live in New York?" + +Ester shook her head, and thought within herself: "That is just as +much sense as I should suppose you to have--risk the chance of missing +a train for the sake of a paper of candy." + +Of course Ester could not be expected to know that the chocolate drops +were for the wee sister at home, whose heart would be nearly broken if +sister Fanny came home, after an absence of twenty-four hours, without +bringing her any thing; and the "little matter" which detained her +a few moments, was joining the search after a twenty-five-cent bill +which the ruthless wind had snatched from the hand of a barefooted, +bareheaded, and almost forlorn little girl, who cried as violently +as though her last hope in life had been blown away with it; nor +how, failing in finding the treasure, the gold-clasped purse had been +opened, and a crisp, new bill had been taken out to fill its place; +neither am I at all certain as to whether it would have made any +difference at all in Ester's verdict, if she had known all the +circumstances. + +The side door opened quietly just at this point and a middle-aged man +came in, carrying in one hand a tool-box, and in the other a two-story +tin pail. Both girls watched him curiously as he set these down on the +floor, and, taking tacks from his pocket and a hammer from his box, he +proceeded to tack a piece of paper to the wall. Ester, from where +she sat, could see that the paper was small, and that something was +printed on it in close, fine type. It didn't look in the least like a +handbill, or indeed like a notice of any sort. Her desire to know what +it could be grew strong; two tiny tacks held it firmly in its place. +Then the man turned and eyed the inmates of the room, who were by this +time giving undivided attention to him and his bit of paper Presently +he spoke, in a quiet, respectful tone: + +"I've tacked up a nice little tract. I thought maybe while you was +waiting you might like something to read. If one of you would read +it aloud, all the rest could hear it." So saying, the man stooped +and took up his tool-box and his tin pail, and went away, leaving the +influences connected with those two or three strokes of his hammer to +work for him through all time, and meet him at the judgment. But if +a bomb-shell had suddenly come down and laid itself in ruins it their +feet, it could not have made a much more startled company than the +tract-tacker left behind him. A tract!--actually tacked up on the +wall, and waiting for some human voice to give it utterance! A tract +in a railroad depot! How queer! how singular! how almost improper! +Why? Oh, Ester didn't know; it was so unusual. Yes; but then that +didn't make it improper. No; but--then, she--it--Well, it was +fanatical. Oh yes, that was it. She knew it was improper in some way. +It was strange that that very convenient word should have escaped her +for a little. This talk Ester held hurriedly with her conscience. It +was asleep, you know; but just then it nestled as in a dream, and gave +her a little prick; but that industrious, important word, "fanatical," +lulled it back to its rest. Meantime there hung the tract, and +fluttered a little in the summer air, as the door opened and closed. +Was no one to give it voice? "I'd like dreadful well to hear it," an +old lady said, nodding her gray head toward the little leaf on the +wall; "but I've packed up my specs, and might just as well have no +eyes at all, as far as readin' goes, when I haven't got my specs +on. There's some young eyes round here though, one would think." she +added, looking inquiringly around. "You won't need glasses, I should +say now, for a spell of years!" + +This remark, or hint, or inquiry, was directed squarely at Ester, and +received no other answer than a shrug of the shoulder and an impatient +tapping of her heels on the bare floor. Under her breath Ester +muttered, "Disagreeable old woman!" + +The brown silk rustled, and the blue ribbons fluttered restlessly for +a minute; then their owner's clear voice suddenly broke the silence: +"I'll read it for you, ma'am, if you really would like to hear it." + +The wrinkled, homely, happy old face broke into a beaming smile, as +she turned toward the pink-cheeked, blue-eyed maiden. "That I would," +she answered, heartily, "dreadful well. I ain't heard nothing good, +'pears to me, since I started; and I've come two hundred miles. It +seems as if it might kind of lift me up, and rest me like, to hear +something real good again." + +With the flush on her face a little hightened, the young girl promptly +crossed to where the tract hung; and a strange stillness settled over +the listeners as her clear voice sounded distinctly down the long +room. This was what she read. + +SOLEMN QUESTIONS. + +"Dear Friend: Are you a Christian? What have you done to-day for +Christ? Are the friends with whom you have been talking traveling +toward the New Jerusalem? Did you compare notes with them as to how +you were all prospering on the way? Is that stranger by your side +a fellow-pilgrim? Did you ask him if he _would_ be? Have you been +careful to recommend the religion of Jesus Christ by your words, by +your acts, by your looks, this day? If danger comes to you, have you +this day asked Christ to be your helper? If death comes to you this +night, are you prepared to give up your account? What would your +record of this last day be? A blank? What! Have you done _nothing_ for +the Master? Then what have you done against Him? Nothing? Nay, verily! +Is not the Bible doctrine, 'He that is not for me is against me?' + +"Remember that every neglected opportunity, every idle word, every +wrong thought of yours has been written down this day. You can not +take back the thoughts or words; you can not recall the opportunity. +This day, with all its mistakes, and blots, and mars, you can never +live over again. It must go up to the judgment just as it is. Have you +begged the blood of Jesus to be spread over it all? Have you resolved +that no other day shall witness a repeatal of the same mistakes? Have +you resolved in your own strength or in His?" + + +During the reading of the tract, a young man had entered, paused a +moment in surprise at the unwonted scene, then moved with very quiet +tread across the room and took the vacant seat near Ester. As the +reader came back to her former seat, with the pink on her cheek +deepened into warm crimson, the new comer greeted her with-- + +"Good-evening, Miss Fannie. Have you been finding work to do for the +Master?" + +"Only a very little thing," she answered, with a voice in which there +was a slight tremble. + +"I don't know about that, my dear." This was the old woman's voice. +"I'm sure I thank you a great deal. They're kind of startling +questions like; enough to most scare a body, unless you was trying +pretty hard, now ain't they?" + +"Very solemn questions, indeed," answered the gentleman to whom this +question seemed to be addressed. "I wonder, if we were each obliged +to write truthful answers to each one of them, how many we should be +ashamed to have each other see?" + +"How many would be ashamed to have _Him_ see?" The old woman spoke +with an emphatic shake of her gray head, and a reverent touch of he +pronoun. + +"That is the vital point," he said. "Yet how much more ashamed we +often seem to be of man's judgment than of God's." + +Then he turned suddenly to Ester, and spoke in a quiet, respectful +tone: + +"Is the stranger by my side a fellow-pilgrim?" + +Ester was startled and confused. The whole scene had been a very +strange one to her. She tried to think the blue-ribboned girl was +dreadfully out of her sphere; but the questions following each other +in such quick succession, were so very solemn, and personal, and +searching--and now this one. She hesitated, and stammered, and flushed +like a school-girl, as at last she faltered: "I--I think--I believe--I +am." + +"Then I trust you are wide-awake, and a faithful worker in the +vineyard," he said, earnestly. "These are times when the Master needs +true and faithful workmen." + +"He's a minister," said Ester, positively, to herself, when she had +recovered from her confusion sufficiently to observe him closely, as +he carefully folded the old woman's shawl for her, took her box and +basket in his care, and courteously offered his hand to assist her +into the cars for the New York train thundered in at last, and Mr. +Newton presented himself; and they rushed and jostled each other out +of the depot and into the train. And the little tract hung quietly +in its corner; and the carpenter who had left it there, hammered, and +sawed, and planed--yes, and prayed that God would use it, and knew not +then, nor afterward, that it had already awakened thoughts that would +tell for eternity. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +THE JOURNEY'S END. + + +"Yes, he's a minister," Ester repeated, even more decidedly, as, being +seated in the swift-moving train, directly behind the old lady and the +young gentleman who had become the subject of her thoughts, she found +leisure to observe him more closely. Mr. Newton was absorbed in the +_Tribune_; so she gave her undivided attention to the two, and could +hear snatches of the conversation which passed between them, as well +as note the courteous care with which he brought her a cup of water +and attended to all her simple wants. During the stopping of the train +at a station, their talk became distinct. + +"And I haven't seen my boy, don't you think, in ten years," the old +lady was saying. "Won't he be glad though, to see his mother once +more? And he's got children--two of them; one is named after me, +Sabrina. It's an awful homely name, I think, don't you? But then, you +see, it was grandma's." + +"And that makes all the difference in the world," her companion +answered. "So the old home is broken up, and you are going to make a +new one." + +"Yes; and I'll show you every _thing_ I've got to remember my old +garden by." + +With eager, trembling fingers, she untied the string which held down +the cover of her basket, and, rummaging within, brought to light +a withered bouquet of the very commonest and, perhaps, the very +homeliest flowers that grew, if there _are_ any homely flowers. + +"There," she said, holding it tenderly, and speaking with quivering +lip and trembling voice. "I picked 'em the very last thing I did, out +in my own little garden patch by the backdoor. Oh, times and times +I've sat and weeded and dug around them, with him sitting on the stoop +and reading out loud to me. I thought all about just how it was while +I was picking these. I didn't stay no longer, and I didn't go back to +the house after that. I couldn't; I just pulled my sun-bonnet over my +eyes, and went across lots to where I was going to get my breakfast" + +Ester felt very sorry for the poor homeless, friendless old +woman--felt as though she would have been willing to do a good deal +just then to make her comfortable; yet it must be confessed that that +awkward bunch of faded flowers, arranged without the slightest regard +to colors, looked rather ridiculous; and she felt surprised, and not +a little puzzled, to see actual tears standing in the eyes of her +companion as he handled the bouquet with gentle care. + +"Well," he said, after a moment of quiet, "you are not leaving +your best friend after all. Does it comfort your heart very much to +remember that, in all your partings and trials, you are never called +upon to bid Jesus good-by?" + +"What a way he has of bringing that subject into every conversation," +commented Ester, who was now sure that he was a minister. Someway +Ester had fallen into a way of thinking that every one who spoke +freely concerning these matters must be either a fanatic or a +minister. + +"Oh, that's about all the comfort I've got left." This answer came +forth from a full heart, and eyes brimming with tears. "And I don't +s'pose I need any other, if I've got Jesus left I oughtn't to need any +thing else; but sometimes I get impatient--it seems to me I've been +here long enough, and it's time I got home." + +"How is it with the boy who is expecting you; has he this same +friend?" + +The gray head was slowly and sorrowfully shaken. "Oh, I'm afraid he +don't know nothing about _Him_." + +"Ah! then you have work to do; you can't be spared to rest yet. I +presume the Master is waiting for you to lead that son to himself." + +"I mean to, I mean to, sir," she said earnestly, "but sometimes I +think maybe my coffin could do it better than I; but God knows--and +I'm trying to be patient." + +Then the train whirred on again, and Ester missed the rest; but one +sentence thrilled her--"Maybe my coffin could do it better than I." +How earnestly she spoke, as if she were willing to die at once, if by +that she could save her son. How earnest they both were, anyway--the +wrinkled, homely, ignorant old woman and the cultivated, courtly +gentleman. Ester was ill at ease--conscience was arousing her +to unwonted thought. These two were different from her She was a +Christian--at least she supposed so, hoped so; but she was not like +them. There was a very decided difference. Were they right, and was +she all wrong? wasn't she a Christian after all? and at this thought +she actually shivered. She was not willing to give up her title, weak +though it might be. + +"Oh, well!" she decided, after a little, "she is an old woman, +almost through with life. Of course she looks at everything through a +different aspect from what a young girl like me naturally would; +and as for him, ministers always are different from other people, of +course." + +Foolish Ester! Did she suppose that ministers have a private Bible +of their own, with rules of life set down therein for them, quite +different from those written for her! And as for the old woman, almost +through with life, how near might Ester be to the edge of her own life +at that very moment! When the train stopped again the two were still +talking. + +"I just hope my boy will look like you," the old lady said suddenly, +fixing admiring eyes on the tall form that stood beside her, patiently +waiting for the cup from which she was drinking the tea which he had +procured for her. + +Ester followed the glance of her eye, and laughed softly at the +extreme improbability of her hope being realized, while he answered +gravely: + +"I hope he will be a noble boy, and love his mother as she deserves; +then it will matter very little who he looks like." + +While the cup was being returned there was a bit of toilet making +going on; the gray hair was smoothed back under the plain cap, and +the faded, twisted shawl rearranged and carefully pinned. Meantime her +thoughts seemed troubled, and she looked up anxiously into the face of +her comforter as he again took his seat beside her. + +"I'm just thinking I'm such a homely old thing, and New York is such +a grand place, I've heard them say. I _do_ hope he won't be ashamed of +his mother." + +"No danger," was the hearty answer; "he'll think you are the most +beautiful woman he has seen in ten years." + +There is no way to describe the happy look which shone in the faded +blue eyes at this answer; and she laughed a softly, pleased laugh as +she said: + +"Maybe he'll be like the man I read about the other day. Some mean, +old scamp told him how homely his mother was; and he said, says +he, 'Yes, she's a homely woman, sure enough; but oh she's such a +_beautiful_ mother!' What ever will I do when I get in New York," she +added quickly, seized with a sudden anxiety. "Just as like as not, +now, he never got a bit of my letter, and won't be there to get me!" + +"Do you know where your son lives?" + +"Oh, yes, I've got it on a piece of paper, the street and the number; +but bless your heart, I shouldn't know whether to go up, or down, or +across." + +Just the shadow of a smile flitted over her friend's face as the +thought of the poor old lady, trying to make her way through the city +came to him. Then he hastened to reassure her. + +"Then we are all right, whether he meets you or not; we can take a +carriage and drive there. I will see you safe at home before I leave +you." + +This crowning act of kindness brought the tears. + +"I don't know why you are so good to me," she said simply, "unless you +are the friend I prayed for to help me through this journey. If you +are, it's all right; God will see that you are paid for it." + +And before Ester had done wondering over the singular quaintness of +this last remark there was a sudden triumphant shriek from the engine, +and a tremendous din, made up of a confusion of more sounds than +she had ever heard in her life before; then all was hurry and bustle +around her, and she suddenly awakened to the fact that as soon as they +had crossed the ferry she would actually be in New York. Even then she +bethought herself to take a curious parting look at the oddly matched +couple who were carefully making their way through the crowd, and +wonder if she would ever see them again. + +The next hour was made up of bewilderment to Ester. She had a confused +remembrance afterward of floating across a silver river in a palace; +of reaching a place where everybody screamed instead of talked, and +where all the bells were ringing for fire, or something else. She +looked eagerly about for her uncle, and saw at least fifty men who +resembled him, as she saw him last, about ten years ago. She fumbled +nervously for his address in her pocket-book, and gave Mr. Newton +a recipe for making mince pies instead; finally she found herself +tumbled in among cushions and driving right into carriages and carts +and people, who all got themselves mysteriously out of the way; down +streets that she thought must surely be the ones that the bells +were ringing for, as they were all ablaze. It had been arranged that +Ester's escort should see her safely set down at her uncle's door, +as she had been unable to state the precise time of her arrival; and +besides, as she was an entire stranger to her uncle's family, they +could not determine any convenient plan for meeting each other at the +depot. So Ester was whirled through the streets at a dizzying rate, +and, with eyes and ears filled with bewildering sights and sounds, was +finally deposited before a great building, aglow with gas and gleaming +with marble. Mr. Newton rang the bell, and Ester, making confused +adieus to him, was meantime ushered into a hall looking not unlike +Judge Warren's best parlor. A sense of awe, not unmixed with +loneliness and almost terror, stole over her as the man who opened the +door stood waiting, after a civil--"Whom do you wish to see, and what +name shall I send up?" + +"Whom _did_ she wish to see, and what _was_ her name, anyway. Could +this be her uncle's house? Did she want to see any of them?" She felt +half afraid of them all. Suddenly the dignity and grandeur seemed +to melt into gentleness before her, as the tiniest of little women +appeared and a bright, young voice broke into hearty welcome: + +"Is this really my cousin Ester? And so you have come! How perfectly +splendid. Where is Mr. Newton? Gone? Why, John, you ought to have +smuggled him in to dinner. We are _so_ much obliged to him for taking +care of _you_. John, send those trunks up to my room. You'll room with +me, Ester, won't you? Mother thought I ought to put you in solitary +state in a spare chamber, but I couldn't. You see I have been so many +years waiting for you, that now I want you every bit of the time." + +All this while she was giving her loving little pats and kisses, on +their way up stairs, whither she at once carried the traveler. Such a +perfect gem of a room as that was into which she was ushered. Ester's +love of beauty seemed likely to be fully gratified; she cast one eager +glance around her, took in all the charming little details in a second +of time, and then gave her undivided attention to this wonderful +person before her who certainly was, in veritable flesh and blood, the +much-dreamed over, much-longed for Cousin Abbie. A hundred times had +Ester painted her portrait--tall and dark and grand, with a perfectly +regal form and queenly air, hair black as midnight, coiled in heavy +masses around her head, eyes blacker if possible than her hair. As to +dress, it was very difficult to determine; sometimes it was velvet and +diamonds, or, if the season would not possibly admit of that, then a +rich, dark silk, never, by any chance, a material lighter than silk. +This had been her picture. Now she could not suppress a laugh as +she noted the contrast between it and the original. She was even two +inches shorter than Ester herself, with a manner much more like a +fairy's than a queen's; instead of heavy coils of black hair, there +were little rings of brown curls clustering around a fair, pale +forehead, and continually peeping over into the bluest of eyes; then +her dress was the softest and quietest of muslins, with a pale-blue +tint. Ester's softly laugh chimed merrily; she turned quickly. + +"Now have you found something to laugh at in me already?" she said +gleefully. + +"Why," said Ester, forgetting to be startled over the idea that she +should laugh at Cousin Abbie, "I'm only laughing to think how totally +different you are from your picture." + +"From my picture!" + +"Yes, the one which I had drawn of you in my own mind. I thought you +were tall, and had black hair, and dressed in silks, like a grand +lady." + +Abbie laughed again. + +"Don't condemn me to silks in such weather as this, at least," she +said gaily. "Mother thinks I am barbarous to summon friends to the +city in August; but the circumstances are such that it could not well +be avoided. So put on your coolest dress, and be as comfortable as +possible." + +This question of how she should appear on this first evening had been +one of Ester's puzzles; it would hardly do to don her blue silk at +once, and she had almost decided to choose the black one; but Abbie's +laugh and shrug of the shoulder had settled the question of silks. So +now she stood in confused indecision before her open trunk. + +Abbie came to the rescue. + +"Shall I help you?" she said, coming forward "I'll not ring for Maggie +to-night, but be waiting maid myself. Suppose I hang up some of these +dresses? And which shall I leave for you? This looks the coolest," and +she held up to Ester's view the pink and white muslin which did duty +as an afternoon dress at home. + +"Well," said Ester, with a relieved smile, "I'll take that." + +And she thought within her heart: "They are not so grand after all." + +Presently they went down to dinner, and in view of the splendor of the +dining-room, and sparkle of gas and the glitter of silver, she changed +her mind again and thought them very grand indeed. + +Her uncle's greeting was very cordial; and though Ester found it +impossible to realize that her Aunt Helen was actually three years +older than her own mother, or indeed that she was a middle-aged lady +at all, so very bright and gay and altogether unsuitable did her +attire appear; yet on the whole she enjoyed the first two hours of her +visit very much, and surprised and delighted herself at the ease with +which she slipped into the many new ways which she saw around her. +Only once did she find herself very much confused; to her great +astonishment and dismay she was served with a glass of wine. Now +Ester, among the stanch temperance friends with whom she had hitherto +passed her life, had met with no such trial of her temperance +principles, which she supposed were sound and strong; yet here she +was at her uncle's table, sitting near her aunt, who was contentedly +sipping from her glass. Would it be proper, under the circumstances, +to refuse? Yet would it be proper to do violence to her sense of +right? + +Ester had no pledge to break, except the pledge with her own +conscience; and it is most sadly true that that sort of pledge does +not seem to be so very binding in the estimation of some people. So +Ester sat and toyed with hers, and came to the very unwarrantable +conclusion that what her uncle offered for her entertainment it +must be proper for her to take! Do Ester's good sense the justice of +understanding that she didn't believe any such thing; that she knew it +was her own conscience by which she was to be judged, not her uncle's; +that such smooth-sounding arguments honestly meant that whatever her +uncle offered for her entertainment she had not the moral courage to +refuse. So she raised the dainty wine-glass to her lips, and never +once bethought herself to look at Abbie and notice how the color +mounted and deepened on her face, nor how her glass remained untouched +beside her plate. On the whole Ester was glad when all the bewildering +ceremony of the dinner was concluded, and she, on the strength of her +being wearied with her journey, was permitted to retire with Abbie to +their room. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +COUSIN ABBIE. + + +"Now I have you all to myself," that young lady said, with a happy +smile, as she turned the key on the retreating Maggie and wheeled an +ottoman to Ester's side. "Where shall we commence? I have so very much +to say and hear; I want to know all about Aunt Laura, and Sadie, and +the twins. Oh, Ester, you have a little brother; aren't you so glad he +is a _little_ boy?" + +"Why, I don't know," Ester said, hesitatingly; then more decidedly, +"No; I am always thinking how glad I should be if he were a young man, +old enough to go out with me, and be company for me." + +"I know that is pleasant; but there are very serious drawbacks. Now, +there's our Ralph, it is very pleasant to have him for company; and +yet--Well, Ester, he isn't a Christian, and it seems all the time to +me that he is walking on quicksands. I am in one continual tremble for +him, and I wish so often that he was just a little boy, no older than +your brother Alfred; then I could learn his tastes, and indeed mold +them in a measure by having him with me a great deal, and it does seem +to me that I could make religion appear such a pleasant thing to +him, that he couldn't help seeking Jesus for himself. Don't you enjoy +teaching Alfred?" + +Poor, puzzled Ester! With what a matter-of-course air her cousin asked +this question. Could she possibly tell her that she sometimes never +gave Alfred a thought from one week's end to another, and that she +never in her life thought of teaching him a single thing. + +"I am not his teacher," she said at length "I have no time for any +such thing; he goes to school, you know, and mother helps him." + +"Well," said Abbie, with a thoughtful air, "I don't quite mean +teaching, either; at least not lessons and things of that sort, though +I think I should enjoy having him depend on me in all his needs; but I +was thinking more especially of winning him to Jesus; it seems so much +easier to do it while one is young. Perhaps he is a Christian now; is +he?" + +Ester merely shook her head in answer. She could not look in those +earnest blue eyes and say that she had never, by word or act, asked +him to come to Jesus. + +"Well, that is what I mean; you have so much more chance than I, +it seems to me. Oh, my heart is so heavy for Ralph! I am all +alone. Ester, do you know that neither my mother nor my father are +Christians, and our home influence is--; well, is not what a young man +needs. He is very--gay they call it. There are his friends here in the +city, and his friends in college,--none of them the style of people +that _I_ like him to be with,--and only poor little me to stem the +tide of worldliness all around him. There is one thing in particular +that troubles me--he is, or rather he is not--," and here poor Abbie +stopped, and a little silence followed. After a moment she spoke +again: "Oh, Ester, you will learn what I mean without my telling you; +it is something in which I greatly need your help. I depend upon you; +I have looked forward to your coming, on his account as well as on my +own. I know it will be better for him." + +Ester longed to ask what the "something" was, and what was expected +of her; but the pained look on Abbie's face deterred her, and she +contented herself by saying: + +"Where is he now?" + +"In college; coming next week. I long, on his account, to have a home +of my own. I believe I can show him a style of life which will appear +better to him than the one he is leading now." + +This led to a long talk on the coming wedding. + +"Mother is very much disturbed that it should occur in August," Abbie +said; "and of course it is not pleasant as it would be later; but the +trouble is, Mr. Foster is obliged to go abroad in September." + +"Who is Mr. Foster? Can't you be married if he isn't here?" + +"Not very well," Abbie said, with a bright little laugh. "You see he +is the one who has asked me to marry him." + +"Why! is he?" and Ester laughed at her former question; then, as a +sudden thought occurred to her, she asked: "Is he a minister?" + +"Oh dear no, he is only a merchant." + +"Is he a--a Christian?" was her next query, and so utterly unused was +she to conversation on this subject, that she actually stammered over +the simple sentence. + +Such a bright, earnest face as was turned toward her at this question! + +"Ester," said Abbie quickly, "I couldn't marry a man who was not a +Christian." + +"Why," Ester asked, startled a little at the energy of her tone, "do +you think it is wrong?" + +"Perhaps not for every one. I think one's own carefully enlightened +conscience should prayerfully decide the question; but it would be +wrong for me. I am too weak; it would hinder my own growth in grace. I +feel that I need all the human helps I can get. Yes, Mr. Foster is an +earnest Christian." + +"Do you suppose," said Ester, growing metaphysical, "that if Mr. +Foster were not a Christian you would marry him?" + +A little shiver quivered through Abbie's frame as she answered: + +"I hope I should have strength to do what I thought right; and I +believe I should." + +"Yes, you think so now," persisted Ester, "because there is no danger +of any such trial; but I tell you I don't believe, if you were brought +to the test, that you would do any such thing." + +Abbie's tone in reply was very humble. + +"Perhaps not--I might miserably fail; and yet, Ester, _He_ has said, +'My grace is sufficient for thee.'" + +Then, after a little silence, the bright look returned to her face as +she added: + +"I am very glad that I am not to be tried in that furnace; and do you +know, Ester, I never believed in making myself a martyr to what might +have been, or even what _may_ be in the future; 'sufficient unto the +day' is my motto. If it should ever be my duty to burn at the stake, I +believe I should go to my Savior and plead for the 'sufficient grace;' +but as long as I have no such known trial before me, I don't know +why I should be asking for what I do not need, or grow unhappy over +improbabilities, though I _do_ pray every day to be prepared for +whatever the future has for me." + +Then the talk drifted back again to the various details connected with +the wedding, until suddenly Abbie came to her feet with a spring. + +"Why, Ester!" she exclaimed penitently, "What a thoughtless wretch I +am! Here have I been chattering you fairly into midnight, without +a thought of your tired body and brain. This session must adjourn +immediately. Shall you and I have prayers together to-night? Will +it seem homelike to you? Can you play I am Sadie for just a little +while?" + +"I should like it," Ester answered faintly. + +"Shall I read, as you are so weary?" and, without waiting for a reply, +she unclasped the lids of her little Bible. "Are you reading the Bible +by course? Where do you like best to read, for devotional reading I +mean?" + +"I don't know that I have any choice?" Ester's voice was fainter +still. + +"Haven't you? I have my special verses that I turn to in my various +needs. Where are you and Sadie reading?" + +"No where," said Ester desperately. + +Abbie's face expressed only innocent surprise + +"Don't you read together? You are roommates, aren't you? Now I always +thought it would be so delightful to have a nice little time, like +family worship, in one's own room." + +"Sadie doesn't care anything about these things, she isn't a +Christian," Ester said at length. + +"Oh, dear! isn't she?" What a very sad and troubled tone it was in +which Abbie spoke. "Then you know something of my anxiety; and yet it +is different. She is younger than you, and you can have her so much +under your influence. At least it seems different to me. How prone we +are to consider our own anxieties peculiarly trying." + +Ester never remembered giving a half hour's anxious thought to this +which was supposed to be an anxiety with her in all her life; but she +did not say so, and Abbie continued: "Who is your particular Christian +friend, then?" + +What an exceedingly trying and troublesome talk this was to Ester! +What _was_ she to say? + +Clearly nothing but the truth. + +"Abbie, I haven't a friend in the world." + +"You poor, dear child; then we are situated very much alike after +all--though I have dear friends outside of my own family; but what a +heavy responsibility you must feel in your large household, and you +the only Christian. Do you shrink from responsibility of that kind, +Ester? Does it seem, sometimes, as if it would almost rush you?" + +"Oh, there are some Christians in the family," Ester answered, +preferring to avoid the last part of the sentence; "but then--" + +"They are half way Christians, perhaps. I understand how that is; it +really seems sadder to me than even thoughtless neglect." + +Be it recorded that Ester's conscience pricked her. This supposition +on Abbie's part was not true. Dr. Van Anden, for instance, always had +seemed to her most horribly and fanatically in earnest. But in what +rank should she place this young, and beautiful, and wealthy city +lady? Surely, she could not be a fanatic? + +Ester was troubled. + +"Well," said Abbie, "suppose I read you some of my sweet verses. Do +you know I always feel a temptation to read in John? There is so much +in that book about Jesus, and John seemed to love him so." + +Ester almost laughed. What an exceedingly queer idea--a _temptation_ +to read in any part of the Bible. What a strange girl her cousin was. + +Now the reading began. + +"This is my verse when I am discouraged--'Wait on the Lord; be of +good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the +Lord.' Isn't that reassuring. And then these two. Oh, Ester, these are +wonderful! 'I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, +and, as a cloud, thy sins; return unto me; for I have redeemed thee.' +'Sing, O ye heavens; for the Lord hath done it; shout, ye lower parts +of the earth; break forth in singing, ye mountains, O forest, and +every tree therein; for the Lord hath redeemed Jacob, and glorified +himself in Israel.' And in that glorious old prophet's book is my +jubilant verse--'And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come +to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; they shall +obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.'" + +"Now, Ester, you are very tired, aren't you? and I keep dipping into +my treasure like a thoughtless, selfish girl as I am. You and I will +have some precious readings out of this book, shall we not? Now I'll +read you my sweet good-night Psalm. Don't you think the Psalms are +wonderful, Ester?" + +And without waiting for reply the low-toned, musical voice read on +through that marvel of simplicity and grandeur, the 121st Psalm: "I +will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. +My help cometh from the Lord which made heaven and earth. He will not +suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. +Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The +Lord is thy keeper, the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. The +sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall +preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord +shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in, from this time forth, +and even for evermore." + +"Ester, will you pray?" questioned her cousin, as the reading ceased, +and she softly closed her tiny book. + +Ester gave her head a nervous, hurried shake. + +"Then shall I? or, dear Ester, would you prefer to be alone?" + +"No," said Ester; "I should like to hear you?" And so they knelt, and +Abbie's simple, earnest, tender prayer Ester carried with her for many +a day. + +After both heads were resting on their pillows, and quiet reigned in +the room, Ester's eyes were wide open. Her Cousin Abbie had astonished +her; she was totally unlike the Cousin Abbie of her dreams in +every particular; in nothing more so than the strangely childlike +matter-of-course way in which she talked about this matter of +religion. Ester had never in her life heard any one talk like that, +except, perhaps, that minister who had spoken to her in the depot. +His religion seemed not unlike Abbie's. Thinking of him, she suddenly +addressed Abbie again. + +"There was a minister in the depot to-day, and he spoke to me;" then +the entire story of the man with his tract, and the girl with blue +ribbons, and the old lady, and the young minister, and bits of the +conversation, were gone over for Abbie's benefit. + +And Abbie listened, and commented, and enjoyed every word of it, until +the little clock on the mantel spoke in silver tones, and said, one, +two. Then Abbie grew penitent again. + +"Positively, Ester, I won't speak again: you will be sleepy all day +to-morrow, and you needn't think I shall give you a chance even to +wink. Good-night." + +"Good-night," repeated Ester; but she still kept her eyes wide +open. Her journey, and her arrival, and Abbie, and the newness and +strangeness of everything around her, had banished all thought of +sleep. So she went over in detail everything which had occurred that +day but persistently her thoughts returned to the question which +had so startled her, coming from the lips of a stranger, and to the +singleness of heart which seemed to possess her Cousin Abbie. + +"_Was_ she a fellow-pilgrim after all?" she queried. If so, what +caused the difference between Abbie and herself. It was but a few +hours since she first beheld her cousin; and yet she distinctly +_felt_ the difference between them in that matter. "We are as unlike," +thought Ester, turning restlessly on her pillow. "Well, as unlike as +two people can be." + +What _would_ Abbie say could she know that it was actually months +since Ester had read as much connectedly in her Bible as she had heard +read that evening? Yes, Ester had gone backward, even as far as that! +Farther! What would Abbie say to the fact that there were many, many +prayerless days in her life? Not very many, perhaps, in which she had +not used a form of prayer; but their names were legion in which she +had risen from her knees unhelped and unrefreshed; in which she knew +that she had not _prayed_ a single one of the sentences which she had +been repeating. And just at this point she was stunned with a sudden +thought--a thought which too often escapes us all. She would not for +the world, it seemed to her, have made known to Abbie just how matters +stood with her; and yet, and yet--Christ knew it all. She lay very +still, and breathed heavily. It came to her with all the thrill of an +entirely new idea. + +Then that unwearied and ever-watchful Satan came to her aid. + +"Oh, well," said he, "your Cousin Abbie's surroundings are very +different from yours. Give you all the time which she has at her +disposal, and I dare say you would be quite as familiar with your +Bible as she is with hers. What does she know about the petty +vexations and temptations, and bewildering, ever-pressing duties which +every hour of every day beset your path? The circumstances are very +different. Her life is in the sunshine, yours in the shadow. Besides, +you do not know her; it is easy enough to talk; _very_ easy to read +a chapter in the Bible; but after all there are other things quite as +important, and it is more than likely that your cousin is not quite +perfect yet." + +Ester did not know that this was the soothing lullaby of the old +Serpent. Well for her if she had, and had answered it with that +solemn, all-powerful "Get thee behind me, Satan." But she gave her own +poor brain the benefit of every thought; and having thus lulled, and +patted, and coaxed her half-roused and startled conscience into quiet +rest again, she turned on her pillow and went to sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +ESTER'S MINISTER. + + +Ester was dreaming that the old lady on the cars had become a fairy, +and that her voice sounded like a silver bell, when she suddenly +opened her eyes, and found that it was either the voice of the marble +clock on the mantel, or of her Cousin Abbie, who was bending over her. + +"Do you feel able to get up to breakfast, Ester dear, or had you +rather lie and rest?" + +"Breakfast!" echoed Ester, in a sleepy bewilderment, raising herself +on one elbow, and gazing at her cousin. + +"Yes, breakfast!"--this with a merry laugh "Did you suppose that +people in New York lived without such inconveniences?" + +Oh! to be sure, she was in New York, and Ester repeated the laugh--it +had sounded so queerly to hear any one talk to her about getting up to +breakfast; it had not seemed possible that that meal could be prepared +without her assistance. + +"Yes, certainly, I'll get up at once. Have I kept you waiting, Abbie?" + +"Oh no, not at all; generally we breakfast at nine, but mother gave +orders last night to delay until half-past nine this morning." + +Ester turned to the little clock in great amazement; it was actually +ten minutes to nine! What an idea! She never remembered sleeping so +late in her life before. Why, at home the work in the dining-room and +kitchen must all be done by this time, and Sadie was probably making +beds. Poor Sadie! What a time she would have! "She will learn a little +about life while I am away," thought Ester complacently, as she stood +before the mirror, and pinned the dainty frill on her new pink cambric +wrapper, which Sadie's deft fingers had fashioned for her. + +Ester had declined the assistance of Maggie--feeling that though she +knew perfectly well how to make her own toilet, she did _not_ know how +to receive assistance in the matter. + +"Now I will leave you for a little," Abbie said, taking up her tiny +Bible. + +"Ester, where is your Bible? I suppose you have it with you?" + +Ester looked annoyed. + +"I don't believe I have," she said hurriedly. "I packed in such haste, +you see, and I don't remember putting it in at all." + +"Oh, I am sorry--you will miss it so much! Do you have a thousand +little private marks in your Bible that nobody else understands? I +have a great habit of reading in that way. Well, I'll bring you one +from the library that you may mark just as much as you please." + +Ester sat herself down, with a very complacent air, beside the open +window, with the Bible which had just been brought her, in her lap. +Clearly she had been left alone that she might have opportunity for +private devotion, and she liked the idea very much; to be sure, she +had not been in the habit of reading in the Bible in the morning, but +that, she told herself, was simply because she never had time hardly +to breathe in the mornings at home; there she had beefsteak to +cook, and breakfast rolls to attend to, she said disdainfully, as if +beefsteak and breakfast rolls were the most contemptible articles in +the world, entirely beneath the notice of a rational being; but now +she was in a very different atmosphere; and at nine o'clock of a +summer morning was attired in a very becoming pink wrapper, finished +with the whitest of frills; and sat at her window, a young lady of +elegant leisure, waiting for the breakfast-bell. Of course she could +read a chapter in the Bible now, and should enjoy it quite as much as +Abbie did. She had never learned that happy little habit of having +a much-used, much-worn, much-loved Bible for her own personal and +private use; full of pencil marks and sacred meanings, grown dear from +association, and teeming with memories of precious communings. She had +one, of course--a nice, proper-looking Bible--and if it chanced to be +convenient when she was ready to read, she used it; if not, she took +Sadie's, or picked up Julia's from under the table, or the old one +on a shelf in the corner, with one cover and part of Revelation +missing--it mattered not one whit to her which--for there were no +pencil marks, and no leaves turned down, and no special verses to +find. She thought the idea of marking certain verses an excellent +one, and deciding to commence doing so at once, cast about her for +a pencil. There was one on the round table, by the other window; but +there were also many other things. Abbie's watch lay ticking softly in +its marble and velvet bed, and had to be examined and sighed over; and +Abbie's diamond pin in the jewel-case also demanded attention--then +there were some blue and gold volumes to be peeped at, and Longfellow +received more than a peep; then, most witching of all, "Say and Seal," +in two volumes--the very books Sadie had borrowed once, and returned, +before Ester had a chance to discover how Faith managed about the +ring. Longfellow and the Bible slid on the table together, and "Say +and Seal" was eagerly seized upon, just to be glanced over, and the +glances continued until there pealed a bell through the house; +and, with a start, and a confused sense of having neglected her +opportunities, this Christian young lady followed her cousin down +stairs, to meet all the temptations and bewilderments of a new day, +unstrengthened by communion with either her Bible or her Savior. + +That breakfast, in all its details, was a most bewitching affair. +Ester felt that she could never enjoy that meal again, at a table that +was not small and round, and covered with damask nor drink coffee that +had not first flowed gracefully down from a silver urn. As for Aunt +Helen, she could have dispensed with her; she even caught herself +drawing unfavorable comparisons between her and the patient, +hardworking mother far away. + +"Where is Uncle Ralph?" she asked suddenly, becoming conscious that +there were only three, when last evening there were four. + +"Gone down town some hours ago," Abbie answered. "He is a +business-man, you know, and can not keep such late hours." + +"But does he go without breakfast?" + +"No--takes it at seven, instead of nine, like our lazy selves." + +"He used to breakfast at a restaurant down town, like other +business-men," further explained Aunt Helen, observing the bewildered +look of this novice in city-life. "But it is one of Abbie's recent +whims that she can make him more comfortable at home, so they rehearse +the interesting scene of breakfast by gas-light every morning." + +Abbie's clear laugh rang out merrily at this. + +"My dear mother, don't, I beg of you, insult the sun in that manner! +Ester, fancy gas-light at seven o'clock on an August morning!" + +"Do you get down stairs at seven o'clock?" was Ester's only reply. + +"Yes, at six, or, at most, half-past. You see, if I am to make father +as comfortable at home as he would be at a restaurant, I must flutter +around a little." + +"Burns her cheeks and her fingers over the stove," continued Aunt +Helen in a disgusted tone, "in order that her father may have burnt +toast prepared by her hands." + +"You've blundered in one item, mother," was Abbie's good-humored +reply. "My toast is _never_ burnt, and only this morning father +pronounced it perfect." + +"Oh, she is developing!" answered Mrs. Ried, with a curious mixture +of annoyance and amusement in look and tone. "If Mr. Foster fails in +business soon, as I presume he will, judging from his present rate +of proceeding, we shall find her advertising for the position of +first-class cook in a small family." + +If Abbie felt wounded or vexed over this thrust at Mr. Foster, it +showed itself only by a slight deepening of the pink on her cheek, +as she answered in the brightest of tones: "If I do, mother, and you +engage me, I'll promise you that the eggs shall not be boiled as hard +as these are." + +All this impressed two thoughts on Ester's mind--one, that Abbie, for +some great reason unknown to, and unimagined by herself, actually of +her own free will, arose early every morning, and busied herself +over preparations for her father's breakfast; the other, that Abbie's +mother said some disagreeable things to her, in a disagreeable way--a +way that would exceedingly provoke _her_, and that she _wouldn't +endure_, she said to herself, with energy. + +These two thoughts so impressed themselves, that when she and Abbie +were alone again, they led her to ask two questions: + +"Why do you get breakfast at home for your father, Abbie? Is it +necessary?" + +"No; only I like it, and he likes it. You see, he has very little +time to spend at home, and I like that little to be homelike; besides, +Ester, it is my one hour of opportunity with my father. I almost +_never_ see him alone at any other time, and I am constantly praying +that the Spirit will make use of some little word or act of mine to +lead him to the cross." + +There was no reply to be made to this, so Ester turned to the other +question: + +"What does your mother mean by her reference to Mr. Foster?" + +"She thinks some of his schemes of benevolence are on too large a +scale to be prudent. But he is a very prudent man, and doesn't seem to +think so at all." + +"Doesn't it annoy you to have her speak in that manner about him?" + +The ever-ready color flushed into Abbie's cheeks again, and, after a +moment's hesitation, she answered gently: "I think it would, Ester, if +she were not my _own mother_, you know." + +Another rebuke. Ester felt vexed anyway. This new strange cousin of +hers was going to prove painfully good. + +But her first day in New York, despite the strangeness of everything, +was full of delight to her. They did not go out, as Ester was supposed +to be wearied from her journey, though, in reality, she never felt +better; and she reveled all day in a sense of freedom--of doing +exactly what she pleased, and indeed of doing nothing; this last was +an experience so new and strange to her, that it seemed delightful. +Ester's round of home duties had been so constant and pressing, the +rebound was extreme; it seemed to her that she could never bake any +more pies and cakes in that great oven, and she actually shuddered +over the thought that, if she were at home, she would probably be +engaged in ironing, while Maggie did the heavier work. + +She went to fanning most vigorously as this occurred to her, and +sank back among the luxurious cushions of Abbie's easy chair, as if +exhausted; then she pitied herself most industriously, and envied +Abbie more than ever, and gave no thought at all to mother and Sadie, +who were working so much harder than usual, in order that she might +sit here at ease. At last she decided to dismiss every one of these +uncomfortable thoughts, to forget that she had ever spent an hour of +her life in a miserable, hot kitchen, but to give herself entirely and +unreservedly to the charmed life, which stretched out before her for +three beautiful weeks. "Three weeks is quite a little time, after +all," she told herself hopefully. "Three weeks ago I hadn't the least +idea of being here; and who knows what may happen in the next three +weeks? Ah! sure enough, Ester, who knows?" + +"When am I to see Mr. Foster?" she inquired of Abbie as they came up +together from the dining-room after lunch. + +"Why, you will see him to-night, if you are not too tired to go out +with me. I was going to ask about that." + +"I'm ready for anything; don't feel as if I ever experienced the +meaning of that word," said Ester briskly, rejoiced at the prospect of +going anywhere. + +"Well, then, I shall carry you off to our Thursday evening +prayer-meeting--it's just _our_ meeting, you see--we teachers in the +mission--there are fifty of us, and we do have the most delightful +times. It is like a family--rather a large family, perhaps you +think--but it doesn't seem so when we come on Sabbath, from the great +congregation, and gather in our dear little chapel--we seem like a +company of brothers and sisters, shutting ourselves in at home, to +talk and pray together for a little, before we go out into the world +again. Is Thursday your regular prayer-meeting evening, Ester?" + +Now it would have been very difficult for Ester to tell when _her_ +regular prayer-meeting evening was, as it was so long ago that she +grew out of the habit of regularly attending, that now she scarcely +ever gave it a thought. But she had sufficient conscience left to be +ashamed of this state of things, and to understand that Abbie referred +to the church prayer-meeting, so she answered simply--"No; Wednesday." + +"That is our church prayer-meeting night. I missed it last evening +because I wanted to welcome you. And Tuesday is our Bible-class +night." + +"Do you give three evenings a week to religious meetings, Abbie?" + +"Yes," said Abbie with softly glee; "isn't it splendid? I appreciate +my privileges, I assure you; so many people _could not_ do it." + +"And so many people _would not_" Ester thought. + +So they were not in to dinner with the family, but took theirs an hour +earlier; and with David, whom Abbie called her body-guard, for escort, +made their way to Abbie's dear little chapel, which proved to be a +good-sized church, very prettily finished and furnished. + +That meeting, from first to last, was a succession of surprises to +Ester, commencing with the leader, and being announced to Abbie in +undertone: + +"Your minister is the very man who spoke to me yesterday in the +depot." + +Abbie nodded and smiled her surprise at this information; and Ester +looked about her. Presently another whisper: + +"Why, Abbie, there is the blue-ribboned girl I told you about, sitting +in the third seat from the front." + +"That," said Abbie, looking and whispering back, "is Fanny Ames; one +of our teachers." + +Presently Ester set to work to select Mr. Foster from the rows of +young men who were rapidly filling the front seats in the left aisle. + +"I believe that one in glasses and brown kids is he," she said to +herself, regarding him curiously; and as if to reward her penetration +he rose suddenly and came over, book in hand, to the seat directly in +front of where they were sitting. + +"Good evening, Abbie," was his greeting. "We want to sing this hymn, +and have not the tune. Can you lead it without the notes?" + +"Why, yes," answered Abbie slowly, and with a little hesitation. "That +is, if you will help me." + +"We'll all help," he said, smiling and returning to his seat. + +"Yes, I'm sure that is he," commented Ester. Then the meeting +commenced; it was a novel one. One person at least had never attended +any just like it. Instead of the chapter of proper length, which Ester +thought all ministers selected for public reading, this reader read +just three verses, and he did not even rise from his seat to do it, +nor use the pulpit Bible, but read from a bit of a book which he took +from his pocket. Then the man in spectacles started a hymn, which +Ester judged was the one which had no notes attached from the prompt +manner in which Abbie took up the very first word. + +"Now," said the leader briskly, "before we pray let us have requests." +And almost before he had concluded the sentence a young man responded. + +"Remember, especially, a boy in my class, who seems disposed to turn +every serious word into ridicule." + +"What a queer subject for prayer," Ester thought. + +"Remember my little brother, who is thinking earnestly of those +things," another gentleman said, speaking quickly, as if he realized +that he must hasten or lose his chance. + +"Pray for every one of my class. I want them all." And at this +Esther actually started, for the petition came from the lips of the +blue-ribboned Fanny in the corner. A lady actually taking part in a +prayer-meeting when gentlemen were present! How very improper. She +glanced around her nervously, but no one else seemed in the least +surprised or disturbed; and indeed another young lady immediately +followed her with a similar request. + +"Now," said the leader, "let us pray." And that prayer was so strange +in its sounding to Ester. It did not commence by reminding God that he +was the maker and ruler of the universe, or that he was omnipotent and +omnipresent and eternal, or any of the solemn forms of prayer to +which her ears were used, but simply: "Oh, dear Savior, receive these +petitions which we bring. Turn to thyself the heart of the lad who +ridicules the efforts of his teacher; lead the little brother into +the strait and narrow way; gather that entire class into thy heart of +love"--and thus for each separate request a separate petition; and +as the meeting progressed it grew more strange every moment to Ester. +Each one seemed to have a word that he was eager to utter; and the +prayers, while very brief, were so pointed as to be almost startling. +They sang, too, a great deal, only a verse at a time, and whenever +they seemed to feel like it. Her amazement reached its hight when she +felt a little rustle beside her, and turned in time to see the eager +light in Abbie's eyes as she said: + +"One of my class has decided for Christ." + +"Good news," responded the leader. "Don't let us forget this item of +thanksgiving when we pray." + +As for Ester she was almost inclined not to believe her ears. Had her +cousin Abbie actually "spoken in meeting?" She was about to sink into +a reverie over this, but hadn't time, for at this point the leader +arose. + +"I am sorry," said he, "to cut the thread that binds us, but the hour +is gone. Another week will soon pass, though, and, God willing, we +shall take up the story--sing." And a soft, sweet chant stole through +the room: "Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the +lifting of my hands as evening sacrifice." Then the little company +moved with a quiet cheerfulness toward the door. + +"Have you enjoyed the evening?" Abbie asked in an eager tone, as they +passed down the aisle. + +"Why, yes, I believe so; only it was rather queer." + +"Queer, was it? How?" + +"Oh, I'll tell you when we get home. Your minister is exactly behind +us, Abbie, and I guess he wants to speak with you." + +There was a bright flush on Abbie's face, and a little sparkle in her +eye, as she turned and gave her hand to the minister, and then said +in a demure and softly tone: "Cousin Ester, let me make you acquainted +with my friend, Mr. Foster." + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +THE NEW BOARDER. + + +"I don't know what to decide, really," Mrs. Ried said thoughtfully, +standing, with an irresolute air, beside the pantry door. "Sadie, +hadn't I better make these pies?" + +"Is that the momentous question which you can't decide, mother?" + +Mrs. Ried laughed. "Not quite; it is about the new boarder. We have +room enough for another certainly, and seven dollars a week is quite +an item just now. If Ester were at home, I shouldn't hesitate." + +"Mother, if I weren't the meekest and most enduring of mortals, I +should be hopelessly vexed by this time at the constancy with which +your thoughts turn to Ester; it is positively insulting, as if I were +not doing remarkably. Do you put anything else in apple-pies? I never +mean to have one, by the way, in my house. I think they're horrid; +crust--apples--nutmeg--little lumps of butter all over it. Is there +anything else, mother, before I put the top on?" + +"Sometimes I sweeten mine a little," Mrs. Ried answered demurely. + +"Oh, sure enough; it was that new boarder that took all thoughts of +sweetness out of me. How much sugar, mother? Do let him come. We +are such a stupid family now, it is time we had a new element in it; +besides, you know I broke the largest platter yesterday, and his seven +dollars will help buy another. I wish he was anything but a doctor, +though; one ingredient of that kind is enough in a family, especially +of the stamp which we have at present." + +"Sadie," said Mrs. Ried gravely and reprovingly; "I never knew a young +man for whom I have a greater respect than I have for Dr. Van Anden." + +"Yes, ma'am," answered Sadie, with equal gravity; "I have an immense +respect for him I assure you, and so I have for the President, and I +feel about as intimate with the one as the other. I hope Dr. Douglass +will be delightfully wild and wicked. How will Dr. Van Anden enjoy the +idea of a rival?" + +"I spoke of it to him yesterday. I told him we would't give the matter +another thought if it would be in any way unpleasant to him. I thought +we owed him that consideration in return for all his kindness to us; +but he assured me that it could make not the slightest difference to +him." + +"Do let him come, then. I believe I need another bed to make; I'm +growing thin for want of exercise, and, by the way, that suggests +an item in his favor; being a doctor, he will be out all night +occasionally, perhaps, and the bed won't need making so often. Mother, +I do believe I didn't put a speck of soda in that cake I made this +morning. What will that do to it? or, more properly speaking, what +will it _not_ do, inasmuch as it is not there to _do_? As for Ester, I +shall consider it a personal insult if you refer to her again, when I +am so magnificently filling her place." + +And this much enduring mother laughed and groaned at nearly the same +time. Poor Ester never forgot the soda, nor indeed anything else, +in her life; but then Sadie was so overflowing with sparkle and good +humor. + +Finally the question was decided, and the new boarder came, and +was duly installed in the family; and thence commenced a new era +in Sadie's life. Merry clerks and schoolboys she counted among her +acquaintances by the score. Grave, dignified, slightly taciturn men of +the Dr. Van Anden stamp she numbered also among her friends; but never +one quite like Dr. Douglass. This easy, graceful, courteous gentleman, +who seemed always to have just the right thing to say or do, at just +the right moment; who was neither wild nor sober; who seemed the +furthest possible remove from wicked, yet who was never by any chance +disagreeably good. His acquaintance with Sadie progressed rapidly. A +new element had come to mix in with her life. The golden days wherein +the two sisters had been much together, wherein the Christian sister +might have planted much seed for the Master in Sadie's bright young +heart, had all gone by. Perchance that sleeping Christian, nestled so +cosily among the cushions in Cousin Abbie's morning-room, might have +been startled and aroused, could she have realized that days like +those would never come back to her; that being misspent they had +passed away; that a new worker had come to drop seed into the +unoccupied heart; that never again would Sadie be as fresh, and as +guileless, and as easily won, as in those days which she had let slip +in idle, aye, worse than idle, slumber. + +Sadie sealed and directed a letter to Ester and ran with it down +stairs. Dr. Douglass stood in the doorway, hat in hand. + +"Shall I have the pleasure of being your carrier?" he said +courteously. + +"Do you suppose you are to be trusted?" Sadie questioned, as she +quietly deposited the letter in his hat. + +"That depends in a great measure on whether you repose trust in me. +The world is safer in general than we are inclined to think it. Who +lives in that little birdsnest of a cottage just across the way?" + +"A dear old gentleman, Mr. Vane," Sadie answered, her voice taking +a tender tone, as it always did when any chance word reminded her of +Florence. "That is he standing in the gateway. Doesn't he look like a +grand old patriarch?" + +As they looked Dr. Van Anden drove suddenly from around the corner, +and reined in his horses in front of the opposite gateway. They could +hear his words distinctly. + +"Mr. Vane, let me advise you to avoid this evening breeze; it is +blowing up strongly from the river." + +"Is Dr. Van Anden the old gentleman's nurse, or guardian, or what?" +questioned Sadie's companion. + +"Physician," was her brief reply. Then, after a moment, she laughed +mischievously. "You don't like Dr. Van Anden, Dr. Douglass?" + +"I! Oh, yes, I like him; the trouble is, he doesn't like me, for which +he is not to blame, to be sure. Probably he can not help it. I have in +some way succeeded in gaining his ill-will. Why do you think I am not +one of his admirers?" + +"Oh," answered this rude and lawless girl, "I thought it would be very +natural for you to be slightly jealous of him, professionally, you +know." + +If her object was to embarrass or annoy Dr. Douglass, apparently she +did not gain her point. He laughed good humoredly as he replied: + +"Professionally, he is certainly worthy of envy; I regard him as a +very skillful physician, Miss Ried." + +Ere Sadie could reply the horses were stopped before the door, and Dr. +Van Anden addressed her: + +"Sadie, do you want to take a ride?" + +Now, although Sadie had no special interest in, or friendship for, Dr. +Van Anden, she did exceedingly like his horses, and cultivated their +acquaintance whenever she had an opportunity. So within five minutes +after this invitation was received she was skimming over the road in a +high state of glee. Sadie marked that night afterward as the last one +in which she rode after those black ponies for many a day. The Doctor +seemed more at leisure than usual, and in a much more talkative mood; +so it was quite a merry ride, until he broke a moment's silence by an +abrupt question: + +"Sadie, haven't your mother and you always considered me a sincere +friend to your family?" + +Sadie's reply was prompt and to the point. + +"Certainly, Dr. Van Anden; I assure you I have as much respect for, +and confidence in, you as I should have had for my grandfather, if I +had ever known him." + +"That being the case," continued the Doctor, gravely, "you will give +me credit for sincerity and earnestness in what I am about to say. I +want to give you a word of warning concerning Dr. Douglass. He is not +a man whom _I_ can respect; not a man with whom I should like to see +my sister on terms of friendship. I have known him well and long, +Sadie; therefore I speak." + +Sadie Ried was never fretful, never petulant, and very rarely angry; +but when she was, it was a genuine case of unrestrained rage, and woe +to the individual who fell a victim to her blazing eyes and sarcastic +tongue. To-night Dr. Van Anden was that victim. What right had he to +arraign her before him, and say with whom she should, or should not, +associate, as if he were indeed her very grandfather! What business +had he to think that she was too friendly with Dr. Douglass! + +With the usual honesty belonging to very angry people, it had not once +occurred to her that Dr. Van Anden had said and done none of these +things. When she felt that her voice was sufficiently steady, she +spoke: + +"I am happy to be able to reassure you, Dr. Van Anden, you are _very_ +kind--extremely so; but as yet I really feel myself in no danger from +Dr. Douglass' fascinations, however remarkable they may be. My mother +and I enjoy excellent health at present, so you need have no anxiety +as regards our choice of physicians, although it is but natural that +you should feel nervous, perhaps; but you will pardon me for saying +that I consider your interference with my affairs unwarrantable and +uncalled for." + +If Dr. Van Anden desired to reply to this insulting harangue, there +was no opportunity, for at this moment they whirled around the corner +and were at home. + +Sadie flung aside her hat with an angry vehemence, and, seating +herself at the piano, literally stormed the keys, while the Doctor +re-entered his carriage and quietly proceeded to his evening round of +calls. + +What a whirlwind of rage there was in Sadie's heart! What earthly +right had this man whom she _detested_ to give _her_ advice? Was she a +child, to be commanded by any one? What right had any one to speak in +that way of Dr. Douglass? He was a gentleman, _certainly_, much more +of a one than Dr. Van Anden had shown himself to be--and she liked +him; yes, and she would like him, in spite of a whole legion of +envious doctors. + +A light step crossed the hall and entered the parlor. Sadie merely +raised her eyes long enough to be certain that Dr. Douglass stood +beside her, and continued her playing. He leaned over the piano and +listened. + +"Had you a pleasant ride?" he asked, as the tone of the music lulled a +little. + +"Charming." Sadie's voice was full of emphasis and sarcasm. + +"I judged, by the style of music which you were playing, that there +must have been a hurricane." + +"Nothing of the sort; only a little paternal advice." + +"Indeed! Have you been taken into his kindly care? I congratulate +you." + +Sadie was still very angry, or she would never have been guilty of the +shocking impropriety of her next remark. But it is a lamentable +fact that people will say and do very strange things when they are +angry--things of which they have occasion to repent in cooler moments. + +Fixing her bright eyes full and searchingly on Dr. Douglass, she said +abruptly: + +"He was warning me against the impropriety of associating with your +dangerous self." + +A look as of sadness and deep pain crossed Dr. Douglass' face, and he +thought aloud, rather than said: "Is that man determined I shall have +no friends?" + +Sadie was touched; she struck soft, sweet chords with a slow and +gentle movement as she asked: + +"What is your offense in his eyes, Dr. Douglass?" + +Then, indeed, Dr. Douglass seemed embarrassed; maintaining, though, a +sort of hesitating dignity as he attempted a reply. + +"Why--I--he--I would rather not tell you, Miss Ried, it sounds badly." +Then, with a little, slightly mournful laugh--"And that half admission +sounds badly, too; worse than the simple truth, perhaps. Well, then, +I had the misfortune to cross his path professionally, once; a little +matter, a slight mistake, not worth repeating--neither would I repeat +it if it were, in honor to him. He is a man of skill and since then +has risen high; one would not suppose that he would give that little +incident of the past a thought now; but he seems never to have +forgiven me." + +The music stopped entirely, and Sadie's great truthful eyes were fixed +in horror on his face. "Is it possible," she said at length, "that +_that_ is all, and he can bear such determined ill-will toward you? +and they call him an earnest Christian!" + +At which remark Dr. Douglass laughed a low, quick laugh, as if he +found it quite impossible to restrain his mirth, and then became +instantly grave, and said: + +"I beg your pardon." + +"For what, Dr. Douglass; and why did you laugh?" + +"For laughing; and I laughed because I could not restrain a feeling of +amusement at your innocently connecting his unpleasant state of mind +with his professions of Christianity." + +"Should they not be connected?" + +"Well, that depends upon how much importance you attach to them." + +"Dr. Douglass, what do you mean?" + +"Treason, I suspect, viewed from your standpoint; and therefore it +would be much more proper for me not to talk about it." + +"But I want you to talk about it. Do you mean to say that you have no +faith in any one's religion?" + +"How much have you?" + +"Dr. Douglass, that is a very Yankee way of answering a question." + +"I know; but it is the easiest way of reaching my point; so I repeat: +How much faith have you in these Christian professions? or, in other +words, how many professing Christians do you know who are particularly +improved in your estimation by their professions?" + +The old questioning of Sadie's own heart brought before her again! Oh, +Christian sister, with whom so many years of her life had been spent, +with whom she had been so closely connected, if she could but +have turned to you, and remembering your earnest life, your honest +endeavors toward the right, your earnest struggles with sin and self; +the evident marks of the Lord Jesus all about you; and, remembering +this, have quelled the tempter in human form, who stood waiting for a +verdict, with a determined--"I have known _one_"--what might not have +been gained for your side that night? + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +THREE PEOPLE. + + +As it was she hesitated, and thought--not of Ester, _her_ life had not +been such as to be counted for a moment--of her mother. + +Well, Mrs. Ried's religion had been of a negative rather than of +a positive sort, at least outwardly. She never spoke much of these +matters, and Sadie positively did not know whether she ever prayed or +not. How was she to decide whether the gentle, patient life was +the outgrowth of religion in her heart, or whether it was a natural +sweetness of disposition and tenderness of feeling? + +Then there was Dr. Van Anden, an hour ago she would surely have said +him, but now it was impossible; so as the silence, and the peculiar +smile on Dr. Douglass' face, grew uncomfortable, she answered +hurriedly: "I don't know many Christian people, Doctor." And then, +more truthfully: "But I don't consider those with whom I am acquainted +in any degree remarkable; yet at the same time I don't choose to set +down the entire Christian world as a company of miserable hypocrites." + +"Not at all," the Doctor answered quickly. "I assure you I have many +friends among that class of people whom I respect and esteem; but +since you have pressed me to continue this conversation I must frankly +confess to you that my esteem is not based on the fact that they are +called Christians. I--but, Miss Ried, this is entirely unlike, and +beneath me, to interfere with and shake your innocent, trusting faith. +I would not do it for the world." + +Sadie interrupted him with an impatient shake of her head. + +"Don't talk nonsense, Dr. Douglass, if you can help it. I don't feel +innocent at all, just now at least, and I have no particular faith +to shake; if I had I hope you would not consider it such a flimsy +material as to be shaken by any thing which you have said as yet. +I certainly have heard no arguments. Occasionally I think of these +matters, and I have been surprised, and not a little puzzled, to note +the strange inconsistency existing between the profession and practice +of these people. If you have any explanation I should like to hear it; +that is all." + +Clearly this man must use at least the semblance of sense if he were +going to continue the conversation. His answer was grave and guarded. + +"I have offered no arguments, nor do I mean to. I was apologizing for +having touched upon this matter at all. I am unfortunate in my belief, +or rather disbelief; but it is no part of my intention to press it +upon others. I incline to the opinion that there are some very good, +nice, pleasant people in the world, whom the accidents of birth and +education have taught to believe that they are aided in this goodness +and pleasantness by a more than human power, and this belief rather +helps than otherwise to mature their naturally sweet, pure lives. My +explanation of their seeming inconsistencies is, that they have never +realized the full moral force of the rules which they profess to +follow. I divide the world into two distinct classes--the so-called +Christian world, I mean. Those whom I have just named constitute one +class, and the other is composed of unmitigated hypocrites. Now my +friend, I have talked longer on this subject than I like, or than I +ought. I beg you will forget all I have said, and give me some music +to close the scene." + +Sadie laughed, and ran her fingers lightly over the keys; but she +asked: + +"In which class do you place your brother in the profession, Doctor?" + +Dr. Douglass drew his shoulder into a very slight though expressive +shrug, as he answered. + +"It is exceedingly proper, and also rather rare, for a physician to be +eminent not only for skill but piety, and my brother practitioner is a +wise and wary man, who--" and here he paused abruptly--"Miss Ried," he +added after a moment, in an entirely changed tone: "Which of us is at +fault to-night, you or myself, that I seem bent on making uncharitable +remarks? I really did not imagine myself so totally depraved. And to +be serious, I am very sorry that this style of conversation was ever +commenced. I did not intend it. I do not believe in interfering with +the beliefs, or controverting the opinions of others." + +Apparently Sadie had recovered her good humor, for her laugh was as +light and careless as usual when she made answer: + +"Don't distress yourself unnecessarily, Dr. Douglass; you haven't done +me the least harm. I assure you I don't believe a word you say, and +I do you the honor of believing that you don't credit more than +two-thirds of it yourself. Now I'm going to play you the stormiest +piece of music you ever heard in your life." And the keys rattled and +rang under her touch, and drew half a dozen loungers from the halls to +the parlor, and effectually ended the conversation. + +Three people belonging to that household held each a conversation with +their own thoughts that night, which to finite eyes would have aided +the right wonderfully had it been said before the assembled three, +instead of in the quiet and privacy of their own rooms. + +Sadie had calmed down, and, as a natural consequence, was somewhat +ashamed of herself; and as she rolled up and pinned, and otherwise +snugged her curls into order for the night, scolded herself after this +fashion: + +"Sadie Ried, you made a simpleton of yourself in that speech which +you made to Dr. Van Anden to-night; because you think a man interferes +with what doesn't concern him, is no reason why you should grow +flushed and angry, and forget that you're a lady. You said some very +rude and insulting words, and you know your poor dear mother would +tell you so if she knew any thing about it, which she won't; that's +one comfort; and besides you have probably offended those delightful +black ponies, and it will be forever before they will take you another +ride, and that's worse than all the rest. But who would think of Dr. +Van Anden being such a man? I wish Dr. Douglass had gone to Europe +before he told me--it was rather pleasant to believe in the extreme +goodness of somebody. I wonder how much of that nonsense which Dr. +Douglass talks he believes, any way? Perhaps he is half right; only +I'm not going to think any such thing, because it would be wicked, and +I'm good. And because"--in a graver tone, and with a little reverent +touch of an old worn book which lay on her bureau--"this is my +father's Bible, and he lived and died by its precepts." + +Up another flight of stairs, in his own room, Dr. Douglass lighted his +cigar, fixed himself comfortably in his arm-chair, with his feet on +the dressing-table, and, between the puffs, talked after this fashion: + +"Sorry we ran into this miserable train of talk to-night; but that +young witch leads a man on so. I'm glad she has a decided mind of her +own; one feels less conscience-stricken. I'm what they call a skeptic +myself, but after all, I don't quite like to see a lady become one. +_I_ shan't lead her astray. I wouldn't have said any thing to-night if +it hadn't been for that miserable hypocrite of a Van Anden; the fellow +must learn not to pitch into me if he wants to be let alone; but I +doubt if he accomplished much this time. What a witch she is!" And Dr. +Douglass removed his cigar long enough to give vent to a hearty laugh +in remembrance of some of Sadie's remarks. + +Just across the hall Dr. Van Anden sat before his table, one hand +partly shading his eyes from the gaslight while he read. And the words +which he read were these: "O let not the oppressed returned ashamed: +let the poor and needy praise thy name. Arise, O God, plead thine own +cause: remember how the foolish man reproacheth thee daily. Forget not +the voice of thine enemies; the tumult of those that rise up against +thee increaseth continually." + +Something troubled the Doctor to-night; his usually grave face was +tinged with sadness. Presently he arose and paced with slow measured +tread up and down the room. + +"I ought to have done it," he said at last. "I ought to have told +her mother that he was in many ways an unsafe companion for Sadie, +especially in this matter; he is a very cautious, guarded, fascinating +skeptic--all the more fascinating because he will be careful not to +shock her taste with any boldly-spoken errors. I should have warned +them--how came I to shrink so miserably from my duty? What mattered it +that they would be likely to ascribe a wrong motive to my caution? It +was none the less my duty on that account." And the sad look deepened +on his face as he marched slowly back and forth; but he was nearer a +solution of his difficulties than was either of those others for at +last he came over to his chair again, and sank before it on his knees. + +Now, let us understand these three people each of them, in their +separate ways, were making mistakes. Sadie had said that she was not +going to believe any of the nonsense which Dr. Douglass talked; she +honestly supposed that she was not influenced in the least. And yet +she was mistaken; the poison had entered her soul. As the days passed +on, she found herself more frequently caviling over the shortcomings +of professing Christians; more quick to detect their mistakes and +failures; more willing to admit the half-uttered thought that this +entire matter might be a smooth-sounding fable. Sadie was the child +of many prayers, and her father's much-used Bible lay on her +dressing-table, speaking for him, now that his tongue was silent in +the grave; so she did not _quite_ yield to the enemy--but she was +walking in the way of temptation--and the Christian tongues around +her, which the grave had _not_ silenced, yet remained as mute as +though their lips were already sealed; and so the path in which Sadie +walked grew daily broader and more dangerous. + +Then there was Dr. Douglass--not by any means the worst man that the +world can produce. He was, or fancied himself to be, a skeptic. Like +many a young man, wise in his own conceit, he had no very distinct +idea of what he was skeptical about, nor to what hights of illogical +nonsense his own supposed views, carried out, would lead him; +like many another, too, he had studied rhetoric, and logic, and +mathematics, and medicine, thoroughly and well; he would have +hesitated long, and studied hard, and pondered deeply, before he had +ventured to dispute an established point in surgery. And yet, with +the inconsistent folly of the age, he had absurdly set his seal to the +falsity of the Bible, after giving it, at most, but a careless reading +here and there, and without having ever once honestly made use of +the means by which God has promised to enlighten the seekers after +knowledge. And yet, his eyes being blinded, he did not realize how +absurd and unreasonable, how utterly foolish, was his conduct. He +thought himself sincere; he had no desire to lead Sadie astray from +her early education, and, like most skeptical natures, he quite +prided himself upon the care with which he guarded his peculiar views, +although I could never see why that was being any other than miserably +selfish or inconsistent; for it is saying, in effect, one of two +things, either: "My belief is sacred to myself alone, and nobody else +shall have the benefit of it, if I can help it;" or else: "I am very +much ashamed of my position as a skeptic, and I shall keep it to +myself as much as possible." Be that as it may, Dr. Douglass so +thought, and was sincere in his intentions to do Sadie no harm; yet, +as the days came and went, he was continually doing her injury. They +were much in each other's society, and the subject which he meant +should be avoided was constantly intruding. Both were so constantly +on the alert, to see and hear the unwise, and inconsistent, and +unchristian acts and words, and also, alas! there were so many to be +seen and heard, that these two made rapid strides in the broad road. + +Finally, there was Dr. Van Anden, carrying about with him a sad and +heavy heart. He could but feel that he had shrunken from his duty, +hidden behind that most miserable of all excuses: "What will people +think?" If Dr. Douglass had had any title but that particular one +prefixed to his name, he would not have hesitated to have advised Mrs. +Ried concerning him; but how could he endure the suspicion that he +was jealous of Dr. Douglass? Then, in trying to right the wrong, by +warning Sadie, he was made to realize, as many a poor Christian has +realized before him, that he was making the sacrifice too late, and in +vain. There was yet another thing--Dr. Douglass' statements to Sadie +had been colored with truth. Among his other honest mistakes was the +belief that Dr. Van Anden was a hypocrite. They had clashed in former +years. Dr. Douglass had been most in the wrong, though what man, +unhelped by Christ, was ever known to believe this of himself? But +there had been wrong also on the other side, hasty words spoken--words +which rankled, and were rankling still, after the lapse of years. Dr. +Van Anden had never said: "I should not have spoken thus; I am sorry." +He had taught himself to believe that it would be an unnecessary +humiliation for him to say this to a man who had so deeply wronged +him! + +But, to do our doctor justice, time had healed the wound with him; it +was not personal enmity which prompted his warning, neither had he any +idea of the injury which those sharp words of his were doing in the +unsanctified heart. And when he dropped upon his knees that night he +prayed earnestly for the conversion of Sadie and Dr. Douglass. + +So these three lived their lives under that same roof, and guessed not +what the end might be. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +THE STRANGE CHRISTIAN. + + +"Abbie," said Ester, wriggling herself around from before an open +trunk, and letting a mass of collars and cuffs slide to the floor in +her earnestness, "do you know I think you're the very strangest girl I +ever knew in my life?" + +"I'm sure I did not," Abbie answered gaily. "If it's a nice 'strange' +do tell me about it. I like to be nice--ever so much." + +"Well, but I am in earnest, Abbie; you certainly are. These very +collars made me think of it. Oh dear me! they are all on the floor." +And she reached after the shining, sliding things. + +Abbie came and sat down beside her, presently, with a mass of puffy +lace in her hands, which she was putting into shape. + +"Suppose we have a little talk, all about myself," she said gently and +seriously. "And please tell me, Ester, plainly and simply, what you +mean by the term 'strange.' Do you know I have heard it so often that +sometimes I fear I really am painfully unlike other people. You are +just the one to enlighten me." + +Ester laughed a little as she answered: "You are taking the matter +very seriously. I did not mean any thing dreadful." + +"Ah! but you are not to be excused in that way, my dear Ester. I look +to you for information. Mother has made the remark a great many times, +but it is generally connected in some way with religious topics, and +mother, you know, is not a Christian; therefore I have thought that +perhaps some things seemed strange to her which would not to--_you_, +for instance. But since you have been here you have spoken your +surprise concerning me several times, and looked it oftener; and +to-day I find that even my stiff and glossy, and every way proper, +collars and cuffs excite it. So do please tell me, ought I to be in a +lunatic asylum somewhere instead of preparing to go to Europe?" + +Now although Ester laughed again, at the mixture of comic and pathetic +in Abbie's tone, yet something in the words had evidently embarrassed +her. There was a little struggle in her mind, and then she came boldly +forth with her honest thoughts. + +"Well, the strangeness is connected with religious topics in my mind +also; even though I am a professing Christian I do not understand you. +I am an economist in dress, you know, Abbie. I don't care for these +things in the least; but if I had the money as you have, there are a +great many things which I should certainly have. You see there is +no earthly sense in your economy, and yet you hesitate over expenses +almost as much as I do." + +There was a little gleam of mischief in Abbie's eyes as she answered: +"Will you tell me, Ester, why you would take the trouble to get 'these +things' if you do not care for them in the least?" + +"Why because--because--they would be proper and befitting my station +in life." + +"Do I dress in a manner unbecoming to my station in life." + +"No," said Ester promptly, admiring even then the crimson finishings +of her cousin's morning-robe. "But then--Well, Abbie, do you think it +is wicked to like nice things?" + +"No," Abbie answered very gently; "but I think it is wrong to school +ourselves into believing that we do not care for any thing of the +kind; when, in reality, it is a higher, better motive which deters us +from having many things. Forgive me, Ester, but I think you are unjust +sometimes to your better self in this very way." + +Ester gave a little start, and realized for the first time in her +life that, truth-loving girl though she was, she had been practicing +a pretty little deception of this kind, and actually palming it off on +herself. In a moment, however, she returned to the charge. + +"But, Abbie, did Aunt Helen really want you to have that pearl velvet +we saw at Stewart's?" + +"She really did." + +"And you refused it?" + +"And I refused it." + +"Well, is that to be set down as a matter of religion, too?" This +question was asked with very much of Ester's old sharpness of tone. + +Abbie answered her with a look of amazement. "I think we don't +understand each other," she said at length, with the gentlest of +tones. "That dress, Ester, with all its belongings could not have cost +less than seven hundred dollars. Could I, a follower of the meek +and lowly Jesus, living in a world where so many of his poor are +suffering, have been guilty of wearing such a dress as that? My dear, +I don't think you sustain the charge against me thus far. I see +now how these pretty little collar (and, by the way, Ester, you are +crushing one of them against that green box) suggested the thought; +but you surely do not consider it strange, when I have such an array +of collars already, that I did not pay thirty dollars for that bit of +a cobweb which we saw yesterday?" + +"But Aunt Helen wanted you to." + +A sad and troubled look stole over Abbie's face as she answered: "My +mother, remember, dear Ester, does not realize that she is not her +own, but has been bought with a price. You and I know and feel that we +must give an account of our stewardship. Ester, do you see how people +who ask God to help them in every little thing which they have to +decide--in the least expenditure of money--can after that deliberately +fritter it away?" + +"Do you ask God's help in these matters?" + +"Why, certainly--" with the wondering look in her eyes, which Ester +had learned to know and dislike--"'Whatsoever therefore ye do'--you +know." + +"But, Abbie, going out shopping to buy--handkerchiefs, for instance; +that seems to me a very small thing to pray about." + +"Even the purchase of handkerchiefs may involve a question of +conscience, my dear Ester, as you would realize if you had seen the +wicked purchases that I have in that line; and some way I never can +feel that any thing that has to do with me is of less importance than +a tiny sparrow, and yet, you know, He looks after them." + +"Abbie, do you mean to say that in every little thing that you buy you +weigh the subject, and discuss the right and wrong of it?" + +"I certainly do try to find out just exactly what is right, and then +do it; and it seems to me there is no act in this world so small as to +be neither right nor wrong." + +"Then," said Ester, with an impatient twitch of her dress from under +Abbie's rocker, "I don't see the use in being rich." + +"Nobody is rich, Ester, only God; but I'm so glad sometimes that he +has trusted me with so much of his wealth, that I feel like praying +a prayer about that one thing--a thanksgiving. What else am I strange +about, Ester?" + +"Everything," with growing impatience. "I think it was as queer in you +as possible not to go to the concert last evening with Uncle Ralph?" + +"But, Ester, it was prayer-meeting evening." + +"Well, suppose it was. There is prayer-meeting every week, and +there isn't this particular singer very often, and Uncle Ralph was +disappointed. I thought you believed in honoring your parents." + +"You forget, dear Ester, that father said he was particularly anxious +that I should do as I thought right, and that he should not have +purchased the tickets if he had remembered the meeting. Father likes +consistency." + +"Well, that is just the point. I want to know if you call it +inconsistent to leave your prayer meeting for just one evening, no +matter for what reason?" + +Abbie laughed in answer. "Do you know, Ester, you wouldn't make a good +lawyer, you don't stick to the point. It isn't a great many reasons +that might be suggested that we are talking about, it is simply a +concert." Then more gravely--"I try to be very careful about this +matter. So many detentions are constantly occurring in the city, +that unless the line were very closely-drawn I should not get to +prayer-meeting at all. There are occasions, of course, when I must +be detained; but under ordinary circumstances it must be more than a +concert that detains me." + +"I don't believe in making religion such a very solemn matter as that +all amounts to; it has a tendency to drive people away from it." + +The look on Abbie's face, in answer to this testily spoken sentence, +was a mixture of bewilderment and pain. + +"I don't understand"--she said at length--"How is that a solemn +matter? If we really expect to meet our Savior at a prayer-meeting, +isn't it a delightful thought? I am very happy when I can go to the +place of prayer." + +Ester's voice savored decidedly of the one which she was wont to use +in her very worst moods in that long dining-room at home. + +"Of course I should have remembered that Mr. Foster would be at the +prayer-meeting, and not at the concert; that was reason enough for +your enjoyment." + +The rich blood surged in waves over Abbie's face during this rude +address; but she said not a single word in answer. After a little +silence, she spoke in a voice that trembled with feeling. + +"Ester, there is one thought in connection with this subject that +troubles me very much. Do you really think, as you have intimated, +that I am selfish, that I consult my own tastes and desires too much, +and so do injury to the cause. For instance, do you think I prejudiced +my father?" + +What a sweet, humble, even tearful, face it was! And what a question +to ask of Ester! What had developed this disagreeable state of mind +save the confused upbraidings of her hitherto quiet conscience over +the contrast between Cousin Abbie's life and hers. + +Here, in the very face of her theories to the contrary, in very +defiance to her belief in the folly, and fashion, and worldliness that +prevailed in the city, in the very heart of this great city, set down +in the midst of wealth and temptation, had she found this young lady, +daughter of one of the merchant princes, the almost bride of one of +the brightest stars in the New York galaxy on the eve of a brilliant +departure for foreign shores, with a whirl of preparation and +excitement about her enough to dizzy the brain of a dozen ordinary +mortals, yet moving sweetly, brightly, quietly, through it all, and +manifestly finding her highest source of enjoyment in the presence of, +and daily communion with, her Savior. + +All Ester's speculations concerning her had come to naught. She had +planned the wardrobe of the bride, over and over again, for days +before she saw her; and while she had prepared proper little lectures +for her, on the folly and sinfulness of fashionable attire, had yet +delighted in the prospect of the beauty and elegance around her. +How had her prospects been blighted! Beauty there certainly was in +everything, but it was the beauty of simplicity, not at all such +a display of silks and velvets and jewels as Ester had planned. It +certainly could not be wealth which made Abbie's life such a happy +one, for she regulated her expenses with a care and forethought such +as Ester had never even dreamed of. It could not be a life of ease, +a freedom from annoyance, which kept her bright and sparkling, for it +had only taken a week's sojourn in her Aunt Helen's home to discover +to Ester the fact that all wealthy people were not necessarily amiable +and delightful. Abbie was evidently rasped and thwarted in a hundred +little ways, having a hundred little trials which _she_ had never been +called upon to endure. In short, Ester had discovered that the mere +fact of living in a great city was not in itself calculated to make +the Christian race more easy or more pleasant. She had begun to +suspect that it might not even be quite so easy as it was in a quiet +country home; and so one by one all her explanations of Abbie's +peculiar character had become bubbles, and had vanished as bubbles do. +What, then, sustained and guided her cousin? Clearly Ester was shut +up to this one conclusion--it was an ever-abiding, all-pervading +Christian faith and trust. But then had not _she_ this same faith? +And yet could any contrast be greater than was Abbie's life contrasted +with hers? + +There was no use in denying it, no use in lulling and coaxing her +conscience any longer, it had been for one whole week in a new +atmosphere; it had roused itself; it was not thoroughly awake as yet, +but restless and nervous and on the alert--and _would not_ be hushed +back into its lethargic state. + +This it was which made Ester the uncomfortable companion which she +was this morning. She was not willing to be shaken and roused; she +had been saying very unkind, rude things to Abbie, and now, instead +of flouncing off in an uncontrollable fit of indignation, which course +Ester could but think would be the most comfortable thing which could +happen next, so far as she was concerned, Abbie sat still, with that +look of meek inquiry on her face, humbly awaiting her verdict. How +Ester wished she had never asked that last question! How ridiculous it +would make her appear, after all that had been said, to admit that +her cousin's life had been one continual reproach of her own; that +concerning this very matter of the concert, she had heard Uncle Ralph +remark that if all the world matched what they did with what they +said, as well as Abbie did, he was not sure but he might be a +Christian himself. Then suppose she should add that this very pointed +remark had been made to her when they were on their way to the concert +in question. + +Altogether, Ester was disgusted and wished she could get back to where +the conversation commenced, feeling certain now that she would leave a +great many things unsaid. + +I do not know how the conversation would have ended, whether Ester +could have brought herself to the plain truth, and been led on and on +to explain the unrest and dissatisfaction of her own heart, and thus +have saved herself much of the sharp future in store for her; but one +of those unfortunate interruptions which seem to finite eyes to be +constantly occurring, now came to them. There was an unusual bang to +the front door, the sound of strange footsteps in the hall, the +echo of a strange voice floated up to her, and Abbie, with a sudden +flinging of thimble and scissors, and an exclamation of "Ralph has +come," vanished. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +THE LITTLE CARD. + + +Left to herself, Ester found her train of thought so thoroughly +disagreeable that she hastened to rid herself of it, and seized upon +the new comer to afford her a substitute. + +This cousin, whom she had expected to influence for good, had at last +arrived. Ester's interest in him had been very strong ever since +that evening of her arrival, when she had been appealed to to use her +influence on him--just in what way she hadn't an idea. Abbie had never +spoken of it since, and seemed to have lost much of her eager desire +that the cousins should meet. Ester mused about all this now; she +wished she knew just in what way she was expected to be of benefit. +Abbie was evidently troubled about him. Perhaps he was rough and +awkward; school-boys often were, even those born in a city. Very much +of Ralph's life had been spent away from home, she knew; and she had +often heard that boys away from home influences grew rude and coarse +oftentimes. Yes, that was undoubtedly it. Shy, too, he was of course; +he was of about the age to be that. She could imagine just how he +looked--he felt out of place in the grand mansion which he called +home, but where he had passed so small a portion of his time. Probably +he didn't know what to do with his hands, nor his feet; and just +as likely as not he sat on the edge of his chair and ate with his +knife--school was a horrid place for picking up all sorts of ill +manners. Of course all these things must annoy Abbie very much, +especially at this time when he must necessarily come so often in +contact with that perfection of gentlemanliness, Mr. Foster. "I wish," +thought Ester at this point, growing a little anxious, "I wish there +was more than a week before the wedding; however I'll do my best. +Abbie shall see I'm good for something. Although I do differ with her +somewhat in her peculiar views, I believe I know how to conduct myself +with ease, in almost any position, if I have been brought up in the +country." And by the time the lunch-bell rang a girl more thoroughly +satisfied with herself and her benevolent intentions, than was this +same Ester, could hardly have been found. She stood before the glass +smoothing the shining bands of hair, preparatory to tying a blue satin +ribbon over them, when Abbie fluttered in. + +"Forgive me, a great many times, for rushing off in the flutter I did, +and leaving you behind, and staying away so long. You see I haven't +seen Ralph in quite a little time, and I forgot everything else. Your +hair doesn't need another bit of brushing, Ester, it's as smooth as +velvet; they are all waiting for us in the dining-room, and I want to +show you to Ralph." And before the blue satin ribbon was tied quite to +her satisfaction, Ester was hurried to the dining-room, to take up her +new role of guide and general assistant to the awkward youth. + +"I suppose he hasn't an idea what to say to me," was her last +compassionate thought, as Abbie's hand rested on the knob. "I hope he +won't be hopelessly quiet, but I'll manage in some way." + +At first he was nowhere to be seen; but as Abbie said eagerly: +"Ralph, here is Cousin Ester!" the door swung back into its place, +and revealed a tall, well-proportioned young man, with a full-bearded +face, and the brightest of dancing eyes. He came forward immediately, +extending both hands, and speaking in a rapid voice. + +"Long-hoped-for come at last! I don't refer to myself, you understand, +but to this much-waited-for, eagerly-looked-forward-to prospect of +greeting my Cousin Ester. Ought I to welcome you, or you me--which +is it? I'm somewhat bewildered as to proprieties. This fearfully near +approach to a wedding has confused my brain. Sis"--turning suddenly +to Abbie--"Have you prepared Ester for her fate? Does she fully +understand that she and I are to officiate? that is, if we don't +evaporate before the eventful day. Sis, how could you have the +conscience to perpetrate a wedding in August? Whatever takes Foster +abroad just now, any way?" And without waiting for answer to his +ceaseless questions he ran gaily on. + +Clearly whatever might be his shortcomings, inability to talk was +_not_ one of them. And Ester, confused, bewildered, utterly thrown out +of her prepared part in the entertainment, was more silent and awkward +than she had ever known herself to be; provoked, too, with Abbie, with +Ralph, with herself. "How _could_ I have been such a simpleton?" +she asked herself as seated opposite her cousin at table she had +opportunity to watch the handsome face, with its changeful play of +expression, and note the air of pleased attention with which even her +Uncle Ralph listened to his ceaseless flow of words. "I knew he was +older than Abbie, and that this was his third year in college. What +could I have expected from Uncle Ralph's son? A pretty dunce he must +think me, blushing and stammering like an awkward country girl. What +on earth could Abbie mean about needing my help for him, and being +troubled about him. It is some of her ridiculous fanatical nonsense, I +suppose. I wish she could ever talk or act like anybody else." + +"I don't know that such is the case, however," Ralph was saying, when +Ester returned from this rehearsal of her own thoughts. "I can simply +guess at it, which is as near an approach to an exertion as a fellow +ought to be obliged to make in this weather. John, you may fill my +glass if you please. Father, this is even better wine than your cellar +usually affords, and that is saying a great deal. Sis, has Foster made +a temperance man of you entirely; I see you are devoted to ice water?" + +"Oh, certainly," Mrs. Ried answered for her, in the half contemptuous +tone she was wont to assume on such occasions. "I warn you, Ralph, to +get all the enjoyment you can out of the present, for Abbie intends to +keep you with her entirely after she has a home of her own--out of the +reach of temptation." + +Ester glanced hurriedly and anxiously toward her cousin. How did this +pet scheme of hers become known to Mrs. Ried, and how could Abbie +possibly retain her habitual self-control under this sarcastic +ridicule, which was so apparent in her mother's voice? + +The pink on her cheek did deepen perceptibly, but she answered with +the most perfect good humor: "Ralph, don't be frightened, please. I +shall let you out once in a long while if you are very good." + +Ralph bent loving eyes on the young, sweet face, and made prompt +reply: "I don't know that I shall care for even that reprieve, since +you're to be jailer." + +What could there be in this young man to cause anxiety, or to wish +changed? Yet even while Ester queried, he passed his glass for a third +filling, and taking note just then of Abbie's quick, pained look, then +downcast eyes, and deeply flushing face, the knowledge came suddenly +that in that wine-glass the mischief lay. Abbie thought him in danger, +and this was the meaning of her unfinished sentence on that first +evening, and her embarrassed silence since; for Ester, with her filled +glass always beside her plate, untouched indeed sometimes, but oftener +sipped from in response to her uncle's invitation, was not the one +from whom help could be expected in this matter. And Ester wondered if +the handsome face opposite her could really be in absolute danger, or +whether this was another of Abbie's whims--at least it wasn't pleasant +to be drinking wine before him, and she left her glass untouched that +day, and felt thoroughly troubled about that and everything. + +The next morning there was a shopping excursion, and Ralph was +smuggled in as an attendant. Abbie turned over the endless sets of +handkerchiefs in bewildering indecision. + +"Take this box; do, Abbie," Ester urged. "This monogram in the corner +is lovely, and that is the dearest little sprig in the world." + +"Which is precisely what troubles me," laughed Abbie. "It is +entirely too dear. Think of paying such an enormous sum for just +handkerchiefs!" + +Ralph, who was lounging near her, trying hard not to look bored, +elevated his eyebrows as his ear caught the sentence, and addressed +her in undertone: "Is Foster hard up? If he is, you are not on his +hands yet, Sis; and I'm inclined to think father is good for all the +finery you may happen to fancy." + +"That only shows your ignorance of the subject or your high opinion +of me. I assure you were I so disposed I could bring father's affairs +into a fearful tangle this very day, just by indulging a fancy for +finery." + +"Are his affairs precarious, Abbie, or is finery prodigious?" + +Abbie laid her hand on a square of cobwebby lace. "That is +seventy-five dollars, Ralph." + +"What of that? Do you want it?" And Ralph's hand was in his pocket. + +Abbie turned with almost a shiver from the counter. "I hope not, +Ralph," she said with sudden energy. "I hope I may never be so +unworthy of my trust as to make such a wicked use of money." Then +more lightly, "You are worse than Queen Ester here, and her advice is +bewildering enough." + +"But, Abbie, how can you be so absurd," said that young lady, +returning to the charge. "Those are not very expensive, I am sure, +at least not for you; and you certainly want some very nice ones. I'm +sure if I had one-third of your spending money I shouldn't need to +hesitate." + +Abbie's voice was very low and sweet, and reached only her cousin's +ear. "Ester, 'the silver and the gold are _His_,' and I have asked Him +this very morning to help me in every little item to be careful of +His trust. Now do you think--" But Ester had turned away in a vexed +uncomfortable state of mind, and walked quite to the other end of the +store, leaving Abbie to complete her purchases as she might see fit. +She leaned against the door, tapping her fingers in a very softly, but +very nervous manner against the glass. How queer it was that in the +smallest matters she and Abbie could not agree? How was it possible +that the same set of rules could govern them both? And the old +ever-recurring question came up to be thought over afresh. Clearly +they were unlike--utterly unlike. Now was Abbie right and she wrong? +or was Abbie--no, not wrong, the word would certainly not apply; there +absolutely _could_ be no wrong connected with Abbie's way. Well, then, +queer!--unlike other people, unnecessarily precise--studying the right +and wrong of matters, which she had been wont to suppose had no moral +bearing of any sort, rather which she had never given any attention +to? While she waited and queried, her eye caught a neat little +card-receiver hanging near her, apparently filled with cards, and +bearing in gilt lettering, just above them, the winning words: "FREE +TO ALL. TAKE ONE." This was certainly a kindly invitation; and Ester's +curiosity being aroused as to what all this might be for, she availed +herself of the invitation, and drew with dainty fingers a small, neat +card from the case, and read: + +I SOLEMNLY AGREE, + +_As God Shall Help Me_: + +1. To observe regular seasons of secret prayer, it least in the +morning and evening of each day. + +2. To read daily at least a small portion of the Bible. + +3. To attend at one or more prayer-meetings every week, if I have +strength to get there. + +4. To stand up for Jesus always and everywhere. + +5. To try to save at least one soul each year. + +6. To engage in no amusement where my Savior could not be a guest. + +Had the small bit of card-board been a coal of fire it could not have +been more suddenly dropped upon the marble before her than was this, +as Ester's startled eyes took in its meaning. Who could have written +those sentences? and to be placed there in a conspicuous corner of a +fashionable store? Was she never to be at peace again? Had the world +gone wild? Was this an emanation from Cousin Abbie's brain, or were +there many more Cousin Abbies in what she had supposed was a wicked +city, or--oh painful question, which came back hourly nowadays, and +seemed fairly to chill her blood--was this religion, and had she none +of it? Was her profession a mockery, her life a miserably acted lie? + +"Is that thing hot?" It was Ralph's amused voice which asked this +question close beside her. + +"What? Where?" And Ester turned in dire confusion. + +"Why that bit of paper--or is it a ghostly communication from the +world of spirits? You look startled enough for me to suppose anything, +and it spun away from your grasp very suddenly. Oh," he added, as he +glanced it through, "rather ghostly, I must confess, or would be if +one were inclined that way; but I imagined your nerves were stronger. +Did the pronoun startle you?" + +"How?" + +"Why I thought perhaps you considered yourself committed to all this +solemnity before your time, or willy-nilly, as the children say. What +a comical idea to hang one's self up in a store in this fashion. I +must have one of these. Are you going to keep yours?" And as he spoke +he reached forward and possessed himself of one of the cards. "Rather +odd things to be found in our possession, wouldn't they be? Abbie now +would be just one of this sort." + +That cold shiver trembled again through Ester's frame as she listened. +Clearly he did not reckon her one of "that sort." He had known her but +one day, and yet he seemed positive that she stood on an equal footing +with himself. Oh why was it? How did he know? Was her manner then +utterly unlike that of a Christian, so much so that this young man +saw it already, or was it that glass of wine from which she had sipped +last evening?--and at this moment she would have given much to be back +where she thought herself two weeks ago, on the wine question; but she +stood silent and let him talk on, not once attempting to define her +position--partly because there had crept into her mind this fearful +doubt, unaccompanied by the prayer: + + "If I've never loved before, + Help me to begin to-day"-- + +and partly, oh poor Ester, because she was utterly unused to +confessing her Savior; and though not exactly ashamed of him, at least +she would have indignantly denied the charge, yet it was much less +confusing to keep silence, and let others think as they would--this +had been her rule, she followed it now, and Ralph continued: + +"Queer world this? Isn't it? How do you imagine our army would have +prospered if one-fourth of the soldiers had been detailed for the +purpose of coaxing the rest to follow their leader and obey orders? +That's what it seems to me the so-called Christian world is up to. +Does the comical side of it ever strike you, Ester? Positively I can +hardly keep from laughing now and then to hear the way in which Dr. +Downing pitches into his church members, and they sit and take it as +meekly as lambs brought to the slaughter. It does them about as much +good, apparently, as it does me--no not so much, for it amuses me, and +serves to make me good-natured, on good terms with myself for half an +hour or so. I'm so thoroughly rejoiced, you see, to think that I don't +belong to that set of miserable sinners." + +"Dr. Downing does preach very sharp, harsh sermons," Ester said +at last, feeling the necessity of saying something. "I have often +wondered at it. I think them calculated to do more harm than good." + +"Oh _I_ don't wonder at it in the least. I'd make it sharper yet if I +were he; the necessity exists evidently. The wonder lies in _that_ to +my mind. If a fellow really means to do a thing, what does he wait to +be punched up about it everlastingly for? Hang me, if I don't like +to see people act as though they meant it, even if the question is a +religious one. Ester, how many times ought I to beg your pardon for +using an unknown tongue--in other words, slang phrases? I fancied +myself talking to my chum, delivering a lecture on theology, which is +somewhat out of my sphere, as you have doubtless observed. Yet such +people as you and I can't help having eyes and ears, and using them +now and then, can we?" + +Still silence on Ester's part, so far as defining her position was +concerned. She was not ashamed of her Savior now, but of herself. If +this gay cousin's eyes were critical she knew she could not bear the +test. Yet she rallied sufficiently to condemn within her own mind the +poor little cards. + +"They will do more harm than good," she told herself positively. To +such young men as Ralph, for instance, what could he possibly want +with one of them, save to make it a subject of ridicule when he got +with some of his wild companions. But it transpired that his designs +were not so very wicked after all; for as they left the store he took +the little card from his pocket, and handed it to Abbie with a quiet: +"Sis, here is something that you will like." + +And Abbie read it and said: "How solemn that is. Did you get it for +me, Ralph? Thank you." And Ralph bowed and smiled on her, a kind, +almost tender smile, very unlike the roguish twinkle that had shone in +his eyes while he talked with Ester. + +All through the busy day that silent, solemn card haunted Ester. +It pertinaciously refused to be lost. She dropped it twice in their +transit from store to store, but Ralph promptly returned it to her. +At home she laid it on her dressing-table, but piled scarfs and +handkerchiefs and gloves over it as high as she might, it was sure to +flutter to the floor at her feet, as she sought hurriedly in the mass +of confusion for some missing article. Once she seized and flung it +from the window in dire vexation, and was rewarded by having Maggie +present it to her about two minutes thereafter, as a "something that +landed square on my head, ma'am, as I was coming around the corner." +At last she actually grew nervous over it, felt almost afraid to touch +it, so thoroughly had it fastened itself on her conscience. These +great black letters in that first sentence seemed burned into her +brain: "I solemnly agree, as God shall help me." + +At last she deposited the unwelcome little monitor at the very bottom +of her collar-box, under some unused collars, telling herself that it +was for safe keeping, that she might not lose it again; not letting +her conscience say for a moment that it was because she wanted to bury +the haunting words out of her sight. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? + + +Ester stood before her mirror, arranging some disordered braids of +hair. She had come up from the dining-room for that purpose. It was +just after dinner. The family, with the addition of Mr. Foster, were +gathered in the back parlor, whither she was in haste to join them. + +"How things do conspire to hinder me!" she exclaimed impatiently +as one loose hair-pin after another slid softly and silently out of +place. "This horrid ribbon doesn't shade with the trimming on my dress +either. I wonder what can have become of that blue one?" With a jerk +Sadie's "finery-box" was produced, and the contents tumbled over. The +methodical and orderly Ester was in nervous haste to get down to +that fascinating family group; but the blue ribbon, with the total +depravity of all ribbons, remained a silent and indifferent spectator +of her trials, snugged back in the corner of a half open drawer. Ester +had set her heart on finding it, and the green collar-box came next +under inspection, and being impatiently shoved back toward its corner +when the quest proved vain, took that opportunity for tumbling over +the floor and showering its contents right and left. + +"What next, I wonder?" Ester muttered, as she stooped to scoop up the +disordered mass of collars, ruffles, cuffs, laces, and the like, and +with them came, face up, and bright, black letters, scorching into her +very soul, the little card with its: "I solemnly agree, as God shall +help me." Ester paused in her work, and stood upright with a strange +beating at her heart. What _did_ this mean? Was it merely chance that +this sentence had so persistently met her eye all this day, put the +card where she would? And what was the matter with her anyway? Why +should those words have such strange power over her? why had she tried +to rid herself of the sight of them? She read each sentence aloud +slowly and carefully. "Now," she said decisively, half irritated that +she was allowing herself to be hindered, "it is time to put an end to +this nonsense. I am sick and tired of feeling as I have of late--these +are all very reasonable and proper pledges, at least the most of them +are. I believe I'll adopt this card. Yes, I will--that is what has +been the trouble with me. I've neglected my duty--rather I have +so much care and work at home, that I haven't time to attend to it +properly--but here it is different. It is quite time I commenced right +in these things. To-night, when I come to my room, I will begin. No, +I can not do that either, for Abbie will be with me. Well, the first +opportunity then that I have--or no--I'll stop now, this minute, +and read a chapter in the Bible and pray; there is nothing like the +present moment for keeping a good resolution. I like decision in +everything--and, I dare say, Abbie will be very willing to have a +quiet talk with Mr. Foster before I come down." + +And sincerely desirous to be at peace with her newly troubled +conscience--and sincerely sure that she was in the right way for +securing that peace--Ester closed and locked her door, and sat herself +down by the open window in a thoroughly self-satisfied state of mind, +to read the Bible and to pray. + +Poor human heart, so utterly unconscious of its own deep sickness--so +willing to plaster over the unhealed wound! Where should she read? She +was at all times a random reader of the Bible; but now with this new +era it was important that there should be a more definite aim in her +reading. She turned the leaves rapidly, eager to find a book which +looked inviting for the occasion, and finally seized upon the +Gospel of John as entirely proper and appropriate, and industriously +commenced: "'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, +and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God.' Now +that wretched hair-pin is falling out again, as sure as I live; I +don't see what is the matter with my hair to-day. I never had so much +trouble with it--'All things were made by him; and without him was +not anything made that was made. In him was life: and the life was the +light of men.'--There are Mr. and Miss Hastings. I wonder if they are +going to call here? I wish they would. I should like to get a nearer +view of that trimming around her sack; it is lovely whatever it +is.--'And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended +it not.'" Now it was doubtful if it had once occurred to Ester +who this glorious "Word" was, or that He had aught to do with her. +Certainly the wonderful and gracious truths embodied in these precious +verses, truths which had to do with every hour of her life, had not +this evening so much as made an entrance into her busy brain; and +yet she actually thought herself in the way of getting rid of the +troublesome thoughts that had haunted her the days just past. The +verses were being read aloud, the thoughts about the troublesome +hair and the trimmings on Miss Hastings' sack were suffered to remain +thoughts, not to put into words--had they been perhaps even Ester +would have noticed the glaring incongruity. As it was she continued +her two occupations, reading the verses, thinking the thoughts, until +at last she came to a sudden pause, and silence reigned in the room +for several minutes; then there flushed over Ester's face a sudden +glow, as she realized that she sat, Bible in hand, one corner of the +solemnly-worded card marking the verse at which she had paused, and +that verse was: "He came unto his own, and his own received him +not." And she realized that her thoughts during the silence had been: +"Suppose Miss Hastings should call and should inquire for her, and she +should go with Aunt Helen to return the call, should she wear mother's +black lace shawl with her blue silk dress, or simply the little +ruffled cape which matched the dress! She read that last verse over +again, with an uncomfortable consciousness that she was not getting on +very well; but try as she would, Ester's thoughts seemed resolved not +to stay with that first chapter of John--they roved all over New York, +visited all the places that she had seen, and a great many that she +wanted to see, and that seemed beyond her grasp, going on meantime +with the verses, and keeping up a disagreeable undercurrent of +disgust. Over those same restless thoughts there came a tap at the +door, and Maggie's voice outside. + +"Miss Ried, Miss Abbie sent me to say that there was company waiting +to see you, and if you please would you come down as soon as you +could?" + +Ester sprang up. "Very well," she responded to Maggie. "I'll be down +immediately." + +Then she waited to shut the card into her Bible to keep the place, +took a parting peep in the mirror to see that the brown hair and blue +ribbon were in order, wondered if it were really the Hastings who +called on her, unlocked her door, and made a rapid passage down the +stairs--most unpleasantly conscious, however, at that very moment that +her intentions of setting herself right had not been carried out, and +also that so far as she had gone it had been a failure. Truly, after +the lapse of so many years, the light was still shining in darkness. + +In the parlor, after the other company had departed, Ester found +herself the sole companion of Mr. Foster at the further end of the +long room. Abbie, half sitting, half kneeling on an ottoman near her +father, seemed to be engaged in a very earnest conversation with him, +in which her mother occasionally joined, and at which Ralph appeared +occasionally to laugh; but what was the subject of debate they at +their distance were unable to determine, and at last Mr. Foster turned +to his nearest neighbor. + +"And so, Miss Ester, you manufactured me into a minister at our first +meeting?" + +In view of their nearness to cousinship the ceremony of surname had +been promptly discarded by Mr. Foster, but Ester was unable to recover +from a sort of awe with which he had at first inspired her, and this +opening sentence appeared to be a confusing one, for she flushed +deeply and only bowed her answer. + +"I don't know but it is a most unworthy curiosity on my part," +continued Mr. Foster, "but I have an overwhelming desire to know +why--or, rather, to know in what respect, I am ministerial. Won't you +enlighten me, Miss Ester?" + +"Why," said Ester, growing still more confused, "I thought--I +said--I--No, I mean I heard your talk with that queer old woman, +some of it; and some things that you said made me think you must be a +minister." + +"What things, Miss Ester?" + +"Everything," said Ester desperately. "You talked, you know, +about--about religion nearly all the time." + +A look of absolute pain rested for a moment on Mr. Foster's face, as +he said: "Is it possible that your experience with Christian men has +been so unfortunate that you believe none but ministers ever converse +on that subject?" + +"I never hear any," Ester answered positively. + +"But your example as a Christian lady, I trust, is such that it puts +to shame your experience among gentlemen?" + +"Oh but," said Ester, still in great confusion, "I didn't mean to +confine my statement to gentlemen. I never hear anything of the sort +from ladies." + +"Not from that dear old friend of ours on the cars?" + +"Oh yes; she was different from other people too. I thought she had a +very queer way of speaking; but then she was old and ignorant. I don't +suppose she knew how to talk about any thing else, and she is my one +exception." + +Mr. Foster glanced in the direction of the golden brown head that was +still in eager debate at the other end of the room, before he asked +his next question. "How is it with your cousin?" + +"Oh she!" said Ester, brought suddenly and painfully back to all her +troublesome thoughts--and then, after a moment's hesitation, taking +a quick resolution to probe this matter to its foundation, if it had +one. "Mr. Foster, don't you think she is _very_ peculiar?" + +At which question Mr. Foster laughed, then answered good humoredly: +"Do you think me a competent witness in that matter?" + +"Yes," Ester answered gravely, too thoroughly in earnest to be amused +now; "she is entirely different from any person that I ever saw in +my life. She don't seem to think about any thing else--at least she +thinks more about this matter than any other." + +"And that is being peculiar?" + +"Why I think so--unnatural, I mean--unlike other people." + +"Well, let us see. Do you call it being peculiarly good or peculiarly +bad?" + +"Why," said Ester in great perplexity, "it isn't _bad_ of course. +But she--no, she is very good, the best person I ever knew; but it is +being like nobody else, and nobody _can_ be like her. Don't you think +so?" + +"I certainly do," he answered with the utmost gravity, and then he +laughed again; but presently noting her perplexed look, he grew sober, +and spoke with quiet gravity. "I think I understand you, Miss Ester. +If you mean, Do I not think Abbie has attained to a rare growth in +spirituality for one of her age, I most certainly do; but if you mean, +Do I not think it almost impossible for people in general to reach as +high a foothold on the rock as she has gained, I certainly do not. +I believe it is within the power, and not only that, but it is the +blessed privilege, and not only that, but it is the sacred duty of +every follower of the cross to cling as close and climb as high as she +has." + +"_I_ don't think so," Ester said, with a decided shake of the head. +"It is much easier for some people to be good Christians than it is +for others." + +"Granted--that is, there is a difference of temperament certainly. But +do you rank Abbie among those for whom it was naturally easy?" + +"I think so." + +This time Mr. Foster's head was very gravely shaken. "If you had known +her when I did you would not think so. It was very hard for her +to yield. Her natural temperament, her former life, her circle of +friends, her home influences were all against her, and yet Christ +triumphed." + +"Yes, but having once decided the matter, it is smooth sailing with +her now." + +"Do you think so? Has Abbie no trials to meet, no battles with Satan +to fight, so far as you can discover?" + +"Only trifles," said Ester, thinking of Aunt Helen and Ralph, +but deciding that Abbie had luxuries enough to offset both these +anxieties. + +"I believe you will find that it needs precisely the same help to +meet trifles that it does to conquer mountains of difficulty. The +difference is in degree not in kind. But I happen to know that some of +Abbie's 'trifles' have been very heavy and hard to bear. However, the +matter rests just here, Miss Ester. I believe we are all too willing +to be conquered, too willing to be martyrs, not willing to reach after +and obtain the settled and ever-growing joys of the Christian." + +Ester was thoroughly ill at ease; all this condemned her--and at last, +resolved to escape from this net work of her awakening conscience, she +pushed boldly on. "People have different views on this subject as well +as on all others. Now Abbie and I do not agree in our opinions. There +are things which she thinks right that seem to me quite out of place +and improper." + +"Yes," he said inquiringly, and with the most quiet and courteous air; +"would you object to mentioning some of those things?" + +"Well, as an instance, it seemed to me very queer indeed to hear her +and other young ladies speaking in your teachers' prayer-meeting. I +never heard of such a thing, at least not among cultivated people." + +"And you thought it improper?" + +"Almost--yes, quite--perhaps. At least _I_ should never do it." + +"Were you at Mrs. Burton's on the evening in which our society met?" + +This, to Ester's surprise, was her companion's next +very-wide-of-the-mark question. She opened her eyes inquiringly; then +concluding that he was absent-minded, or else had no reply to make, +and was weary of the subject, answered simply and briefly in the +affirmative. + +"I was detained that night. Were there many out?" + +"Quite a full society Abbie said. The rooms were almost crowded." + +"Pleasant?" + +"Oh very. I hardly wished to go as they were strangers to me; but I +was very happily disappointed, and enjoyed the evening exceedingly." + +"Were there reports?" + +"Very full ones, and Mrs. Burton was particularly interesting. She +had forgotten her notes, but gave her reports from memory very +beautifully." + +"Ah, I am sorry for that. It must have destroyed the pleasure of the +evening for you." + +"I don't understand, Mr. Foster." + +"Why you remarked that you considered it improper for ladies to take +part in such matters: and of course what is an impropriety you can not +have enjoyed." + +"Oh that is a very different matter. It was not a prayer-meeting." + +"I beg pardon. I did not understand. It is only at prayer-meetings +that it is improper for ladies to speak. May I ask why?" + +Ester was growing vexed. "Mr. Foster," she said sharply, "you know +that it is quite another thing. There are gentlemen enough present, or +ought to be, to do the talking in a prayer-meeting." + +"There is generally a large proportion of gentlemen at the society. +I presume there were those present capable of giving Mrs. Burton's +report." + +"Well _I_ consider a society a very different thing from a gathering +in a church." + +"Ah, then it's the church that is at fault. If that is the case, I +should propose holding prayer meetings in private parlors. Would that +obviate your difficulty?" + +"No," said Ester sharply, "not if there were gentlemen present. It is +their business to conduct a religious meeting." + +"Then, after all, it is religion that is at the foundation of this +trouble. Pray, Miss Ester, was Mrs. Burton's report irreligious?" + +"Mr. Foster," said Ester, with flushing cheeks, and in a whirl of +vexation, "_don't_ you understand me?" + +"I think I do, Miss Ester. The question is, do you understand +yourself? Let me state the case. You are decidedly not a woman's +rights lady. I am decidedly not a woman's rights gentleman--that +is, in the general acceptation of that term. You would think, for +instance, that Abbie was out of her sphere in the pulpit or pleading a +case at the bar. So should I. In fact, there are many public places +in which you and I, for what we consider good and sufficient reasons, +would not like to see her. But, on the other hand, we both enjoy Mrs. +Burton's reports, either verbal or written, as she may choose. We, in +company with many other ladies and gentlemen, listen respectfully; +we both greatly enjoy hearing Miss Ames sing; we both consider +it perfectly proper that she should so entertain us at our social +gatherings. At our literary society we have both enjoyed to the utmost +Miss Hanley's exquisite recitation from 'Kathrina.' I am sure not a +thought of impropriety occurred to either of us. We both enjoyed the +familiar talk on the subject for the evening, after the society proper +had adjourned. So the question resolves itself into this: It seems +that it is pleasant and proper for fifty or more of us to hear Mrs. +Burton's report in Mrs. Burton's parlor--to hear ladies sing--to hear +ladies recite in their own parlors, or in those of their friends--to +converse familiarly on any sensible topic; but the moment the very +same company are gathered in our chapel, and Mrs. Burton says, 'Pray +for my class,' and Miss Ames says, 'I love Jesus,' and Miss Hanley +says, 'The Lord is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever,' +it becomes improper. Will you pardon my obtuseness and explain to me +the wherefore?" + +But Ester was not in a mood to explain, if indeed she had aught to +say, and she only answered with great decision and emphasis: "_I_ have +never been accustomed to it." + +"No! I think you told me that you were unaccustomed to hearing +poetical recitations from young ladies. Does that condemn them?" + +To which question Ester made no sort of answer, but sat looking +confused, ashamed and annoyed all in one. Her companion roused himself +from his half reclining attitude on the sofa, and gave her the benefit +of a very searching look; then he came to an erect posture and spoke +with entire change of tone. + +"Miss Ester, forgive me if I have seemed severe in my questionings and +sarcastic in my replies. I am afraid I have. The subject is one which +awakens sarcasm in me. It is so persistently twisted and befogged and +misunderstood, some of the very best people seem inclined to make our +prayer-meetings into formidable church-meetings, for the purpose of +hearing a succession of not _very_ short sermons, rather than a social +gathering of Christians, to sympathize with, and pray for and help +each other, as I believe the Master intended them to be. But may I say +a word to you personally? Are you quite happy as a Christian? Do you +find your love growing stronger and your hopes brighter from day to +day?" + +Ester struggled with herself, tore bits of down from the edge of her +fan, tried to regain her composure and her voice, but the tender, +gentle, yet searching tone, seemed to have probed her very soul--and +the eyes that at last were raised to meet his were melting into +tears, and the voice which answered him quivered perceptibly. "No, Mr. +Foster, I am not happy." + +"Why? May I ask you? Is the Savior untrue to his promises, or is his +professed servant untrue to him?" + +Ester's heart was giving heavy throbs of pain, and her conscience was +whispering loudly, "untrue," "untrue;" but she had made no answer, +when Ralph came with brisk step toward where they sat. + +"Two against one isn't fair play," he said, with a mixture of mischief +and vexation in his tone. "Foster, don't shirk; you have taught Abbie, +now go and help her fight it out like a man. Come, take yourself over +there and get her out of this scrape. I'll take care of Ester; she +looks as though she had been to camp-meeting." + +And Mr. Foster, with a wondering look for Ralph and a troubled one +for Ester, moved slowly toward that end of the long parlor where the +voices were growing louder, and one of them excited. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +A VICTORY. + + +"This is really the most absurd of all your late absurdities," Mrs. +Ried was saying, in rather a loud tone, and with a look of dignified +disgust bestowed upon Abbie, as Mr. Foster joined the group. + +"Will you receive me into this circle, and enlighten me as regards +this particular absurdity," he said, seating himself near Mrs. Ried. + +"Oh it was nothing remarkable," that lady replied in her most +sarcastic tone. "At least it is quite time we were growing accustomed +to this new order of things. Abbie is trying to enlighten her father +on the new and interesting question of temperance, especially as it +is connected with wedding parties, in which she is particularly +interested just at present." + +Abbie bestowed an appealing glance on Mr. Foster, and remained +entirely silent. + +"I believe I can claim equal interest then in the matter," he answered +brightly. "And will petition you, Mrs. Ried, to explain the point at +issue." + +"Indeed, Mr. Foster, I'm not a temperance lecturer, and do not +consider myself competent to perform the awful task. I refer you +to Abbie, who seems to be thoroughly posted, and very desirous of +displaying her argumentative powers." + +Still silence on Abbie's part, and only a little tremble of the +lip told a close observer how deeply she felt the sharp tones and +unmotherly words. Mrs. Ried spoke at last, in calm, measured accents. + +"My daughter and I, Mr. Foster, differ somewhat in regard to the +duties and privileges of a host. I claim the right to set before my +guests whatever _I_ consider proper. She objects to the use of wine, +as, perhaps, you are aware. Indeed, I believe she has imbibed her very +peculiar views from you; but I say to her that as I have always been +in the habit of entertaining my guests with that beverage, I presume I +shall continue to do so." + +Mr. Foster did not seem in the mood to argue the question, but +responded with genial good humor. "Ah but, Mrs. Ried, you ought to +gratify your daughter in her parting request. That is only natural and +courteous, is it not?" + +Mrs. Ried felt called upon to reply. "We have gratified so many of +her requests already that the whole thing bids fair to be the most +ridiculous proceeding that New York has ever witnessed. Fancy a dozen +rough boys banging and shouting through my house, eating cake enough +to make them sick for a month, to say nothing of the quantity which +they will stamp into my carpets, and all because they chance to belong +to Abbie's mission class!" + +Ralph and Ester had joined the group in the meantime, and the former +here interposed. + +"That last argument isn't valid, mother. Haven't I promised to hoe +out the rooms myself, immediately after the conclusion of the solemn +services?" + +And Mr. Foster bestowed a sudden troubled look on Abbie, which she +answered by saying in a low voice, "I should recall my invitations to +them under such circumstances." + +"You will do no such thing," her father replied sharply. "The +invitations are issued in your parents' names, and we shall have no +such senseless proceedings connected with them When you are in your +own house you will doubtless be at liberty to do as you please; but +in the meantime it would be well to remember that you belong to your +father's family at present." + +Ralph was watching the flushing cheek and quivering lip of his young +sister, and at this point flung down the book with which he had been +idly playing, with an impatient exclamation: "It strikes me, father, +that you are making a tremendous din about a little matter. I don't +object to a glass of wine myself, almost under any circumstances, and +I think this excruciating sensitiveness on the subject is absurd and +ridiculous, and all that sort of thing; but at the same time I should +be willing to undertake the job of smashing every wine bottle there is +in the cellar at this moment, if I thought that Sis' last hours in +the body, or at least in the paternal mansion, would be made any more +peaceful thereby." + +During this harangue the elder Mr. Ried had time to grow ashamed of +his sharpness, and answered in his natural tone. "I am precisely +of your opinion, my son. We are making 'much ado about nothing.' We +certainly have often entertained company before, and Abbie has sipped +her wine with the rest of us without sustaining very material injury +thereby, so far as I can see. And here is Ester, as stanch a church +member as any of you, I believe, but that doesn't seem to forbid her +behaving in a rational manner, and partaking of whatever her friends +provide for her entertainment. Why can not the rest of you be equally +sensible?" + +During the swift second of time which intervened between that sentence +and her reply Ester had three hard things to endure--a sting from +her restless conscience, a look of mingled pain and anxiety from Mr. +Foster, and one of open-eyed and mischievous surprise from Ralph. Then +she spoke rapidly and earnestly. "Indeed, Uncle Ralph, I beg you will +not judge of any other person by my conduct in this matter. I am very +sorry, and very much ashamed that I have been so weak and wicked. +I think just as Abbie does, only I am not like her, and have been +tempted to do wrong, for fear you would think me foolish." + +No one but Ester knew how much these sentences cost her; but the +swift, bright look telegraphed her from Abbie's eyes seemed to repay +her. + +Ralph laughed outright. "Four against one," he said gaily. "I've gone +over to the enemy's side myself, you see, on account of the pressure. +Father, I advise you to yield while you can do it gracefully, and also +to save me the trouble of smashing the aforesaid bottles." + +"But," persisted Mr. Ried, "I haven't heard an argument this evening. +What is there so shocking in a quiet glass of wine enjoyed with a +select gathering of one's friends?" + +John now presented himself at the door with a respectful, "If you +please, sir, there is a person in the hall who persists in seeing Mr. +Foster." + +"Show him in, then," was Mr. Ried's prompt reply. + +John hesitated, and then added: "He is a very common looking person, +sir, and--" + +"I said show him in, I believe," interrupted the gentleman of the +house, in a tone which plainly indicated that he was expending on John +the irritation which he did not like to bestow further, on either his +children or his guests. + +John vanished, and Mr. Ried added: "You can take your _friend_ into +the library, Mr. Foster, if it proves to be a private matter." + +There was a marked emphasis on the word _friend_ in this sentence; but +Mr. Foster only bowed his reply, and presently John returned, ushering +in a short, stout man, dressed in a rough working suit, twirling his +hat in his hand, and looking extremely embarrassed and out of place in +the elegant parlor. Mr. Foster turned toward him immediately, and gave +him a greeting both prompt and cordial. "Ah, Mr. Jones, good evening. +I have been in search of you today, but some way managed to miss you." + +At this point Abbie advanced and placed a small white hand in Mr. +Jones' great hard brown one, as she repeated the friendly greeting, +and inquired at once: "How is Sallie, to-night, Mr. Jones?" + +"Well, ma'am, it is about her that I'm come, and I beg your pardon, +sir (turning to Mr. Foster), for making so bold as to come up here +after you; but she is just that bad to-night that I could not find it +in me to deny her any thing, and she is in a real taking to see you. +She has sighed and cried about it most of this day, and to-night we +felt, her mother and me, that we couldn't stand it any longer, and +I said I'd not come home till I found you and told you how much she +wanted to see you. It's asking a good deal, sir, but she is going +fast, she is; and--" Here Mr. Jones' voice choked, and he rubbed his +hard hand across his eyes. + +"I will be down immediately," was Mr. Foster's prompt reply. +"Certainly you should have come for me. I should have been very sorry +indeed to disappoint Sallie. Tell her I will be there in half an hour, +Mr. Jones." + +And with a few added words of kindness from Abbie, Mr. Jones departed, +looking relieved and thankful. + +"That man," said Mr. Foster, turning to Ester, as the door closed +after him, "is the son of our old lady, don't you think! You remember +I engaged to see her conveyed to his home in safety, and my anxiety +for her future welfare was such that my pleasure was very great +in discovering that the son was a faithful member of our mission +Sabbath-school, and a thoroughly good man." + +"And who is Sallie?" Ester inquired, very much interested. + +Mr. Foster's face grew graver. "Sallie is his one treasure, a dear +little girl, one of our mission scholars, and a beautiful example of +how faithful Christ can be to his little lambs." + +"What is supposed to be the matter with Sallie?" This question came +from Ralph, who had been half amused, half interested, with the entire +scene. + +The gravity on Mr. Foster's face deepened into sternness as he +answered: "Sallie is only one of the many victims of our beautiful +system of public poisoning. The son of her mother's employer, in a +fit of drunken rage, threw her from the very top of a long flight of +stairs, and now she lies warped and misshapen, mourning her life +away. By the way"--he continued, turning suddenly toward Mr. Ried--"I +believe you were asking for arguments to sustain my 'peculiar views.' +Here is one of them: This man of whom I speak, whose crazed brain has +this young sad life and death to answer for, I chance to know to a +certainty commenced his downward career in a certain pleasant parlor +in this city, among a select gathering of friends, taking a quiet +glass of wine!" And Mr. Foster made his adieus very brief, and +departed. + +Ralph's laugh was just a little nervous as he said, when the family +were alone: "Foster is very fortunate in having an incident come to +our very door with which to point his theories." + +Abbie had deserted her ottoman and taken one close by her father's +side. Now she laid her bright head lovingly against his breast, and +looked with eager, coaxing eyes into his stern gray ones. "Father," +she said softly, "you'll let your little curly have her own way just +this time, won't you? I will promise not to coax you again until I +want something very bad indeed." + +Mr. Ried had decided his plan of action some moments before. He was +prepared to remind his daughter in tones of haughty dignity that +he was "not in the habit of playing the part of a despot in his own +family, and that as she and her future husband were so very positive +in their very singular opinions, and so entirely regardless of his +wishes or feelings, he should, of course, not force his hospitalities +on her guests." + +He made one mistake. For just a moment he allowed his eyes to meet +the sweet blue ones, looking lovingly and trustingly into his, and +whatever it was, whether the remembrance that his one daughter was +so soon to go out from her home, or the thought of all the tender and +patient love and care which she had bestowed on him in those early +morning hours, the stern gray eyes grew tender, the haughty lines +about the mouth relaxed, and with a sudden caressing movement of his +hand among the brown curls, he said in a half moved, half playful +tone: + +"Did you ever ask any thing of anybody in your life that you didn't +get?" Then more gravely: "You shall have your way once more. Abbie, it +would be a pity to despoil you of your scepter at this late day." + +"Fiddlesticks!" ejaculated Mrs. Ried. + +Before she had added anything to that original sentiment Abbie was +behind her chair, both arms wound around her neck, and then came soft, +quick, loving kisses on her cheeks, on her lips, on her chin, and even +on her nose. + +"Nonsense!" added her mother. Then she laughed. "Your father would +consent to have the ceremony performed in the attic if you should +take a fancy that the parlors are too nicely furnished to suit your +puritanic views and I don't know but I should be just as foolish." + +"That man has gained complete control over her," Mrs. Ried said, +looking after Abbie with a little sigh, and addressing her remarks to +Ester as they stood together for a moment in the further parlor. "He +is a first-class fanatic, grows wilder and more incomprehensible in +his whims every day, and bends Abbie to his slightest wish. My only +consolation is that he is a man of wealth and culture, and indeed in +every other respect entirely unexceptionable." + +A new light dawned upon Ester. This was the secret of Abbie's +"strangeness." Mr. Foster was one of those rare and wonderful men +about whom one occasionally reads but almost never meets, and of +course Abbie, being so constantly under his influence, was constantly +led by him. Very few could expect to attain to such a hight; certainly +she, with her social disadvantages and unhelpful surroundings, must +not hope for it. + +She was rapidly returning to her former state of self-satisfaction. +There were certain things to be done. For instance, that first chapter +of John should receive more close attention at her next reading; and +there were various other duties which should be taken up and carefully +observed. But, on the whole, Ester felt that she had been rather +unnecessarily exercised, and that she must not expect to be perfect. +And so once more there was raised a flag of truce between her +conscience and her life. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +STEPPING BETWEEN. + + +They lingered together for a few minutes in the sitting-room, Abbie, +Ester, Ralph and Mr. Foster. They had been having a half sad, half +merry talk. It was the evening before the wedding. Ere this time +to-morrow Abbie would have left them, and in just a little while the +ocean would roll between them. Ester drew a heavy sigh as she thought +of it all. This magic three weeks, which had glowed in beauty for her, +such, as she told herself, her life would never see again, were just +on the eve of departure; only two days now before she would carry that +same restless, unhappy heart back among the clattering dishes in +that pantry and dining-room at home. Ralph broke the little moment of +silence which had fallen between them. "Foster, listen to the sweet +tones of that distant clock. It is the last time that you, being a +free man, will hear it strike five." + +"Unless I prove to be an early riser on the morrow, which necessity +will compel me to become if I tarry longer here at present. Abbie, +I must be busy this entire evening. That funeral obliged me to +defer some important business matters that I meant should have been +dispatched early in the day." + +"It isn't possible that you have been to a funeral to-day! How you do +mix things." Ralph uttered this sentence in real or pretended horror. + +"Why not?" Mr. Foster answered gently, and added: "It is true +though; life and death are very strangely mixed. It was our little +Sabbath-school girl, Sallie, whom we laid to rest to-day. It didn't +jar as some funerals would have done; one had simply to remember that +she had reached home. Miss Ester, if you will get that package for me +I will execute your commission with pleasure." + +Ester went away to do his bidding, and Ralph, promising to meet him at +the store in an hour, sauntered away, and for a few moments Abbie and +Mr. Foster talked together alone. + +"Good-by all of you," he said smiling, as he glanced back at the two +girls a few moments later. "Take care of her, Ester, until I relieve +you. It will not be long now." + +"Take care," Ester answered gaily; "you have forgotten the 'slip' that +there may be 'between the cup and the lip.'" + +But he answered her with an almost solemn gravity: "I never forget +that more worthy expression of the same idea, we know not what a day +may bring forth; but I always remember with exceeding joy that God +knows, and will lead us." + +"He is graver than ten ministers," Ester said, as they turned from the +window. "Come, Abbie, let us go up stairs." + +It was two hours later when Abbie entered the sitting-room where Ester +awaited her, and curled herself into a small heap of white muslin at +Ester's feet. + +"There!" said she, with a musical little laugh, "mother has sent me +away. The measure of her disgust is complete now. Dr. Downing is +in the sitting-room, and I have been guilty of going in to see him. +Imagine such a fearful breach of etiquette taking place in the house +of Ried! Do you know, I don't quite know what to do with myself. There +is really nothing more to busy myself about, unless I eat the wedding +cake." + +"You don't act in the least like a young lady who is to be married +to-morrow," was Ester's answer, as she regarded her cousin with a half +amused, half puzzled air. + +"Don't I?" said Abbie, trying to look alarmed. "What _have_ I done +now? I'm forever treading on bits of propriety, and crushing them. It +will be a real relief to me when I am safely married, and can relapse +into a common mortal again. Why, Ester, what have I been guilty of +just now?" + +"You are not a bit sentimental; are you, Abbie?" And at this gravely +put question Abbie's laugh rang out again. + +"Now don't, please, add that item to the list," she said merrily. +"Ester, is it very important that one should be sentimental on such +an occasion? I wish you were married, I really do, so that I might +be told just how to conduct my self. How can you and mother be so +unreasonable as to expect perfection when it is all new, and I really +never practiced in my life?" Then a change, as sudden as it was sweet, +flushed over Abbie's face. The merry look died out, and in its place a +gentle, tender softness rested in the bright blue eyes, and her voice +was low and quiet. "You think my mood a strange one, I fancy, dear +Ester; almost unbecoming in its gayety. Perhaps it is, and yet I feel +it bright and glad and happy. The change is a solemn one, but it seems +to me that I have considered it long and well. I remember that my +new home is to be very near my old one; that my brother will have a +patient, faithful, life-long friend in Mr. Foster, and this makes me +feel more hopeful for him--and, indeed, it seems to me that I feel +like repeating, 'The lines have fallen unto me in pleasant places.' +I do not, therefore, affect a gravity that I do not feel. I am +gloriously happy to-night, and the strongest feeling in my heart is +thankfulness. My Heavenly Father has brimmed my earthly cup, so that +it seems to me there is not room in my heart for another throb of joy; +and so you see--Ester, what on earth can be going on down stairs? +Have you noticed the banging of doors, and the general confusion that +reigns through the house? Positively if I wasn't afraid of shocking +mother into a fainting fit I would start on a voyage of discovery." + +"Suppose I go," Ester answered, laughing. "Inasmuch as I am not going +to be married, there can be no harm in seeing what new developments +there are below stairs. I mean to go. I'll send you word if it is any +thing very amazing." + +And with a laughing adieu Ester closed the door on the young +bride-elect, and ran swiftly down stairs. There did seem to be a good +deal of confusion in the orderly household, and the very air of the +hall seemed to be pervaded with a singular subdued excitement; voices +of suppressed loudness issued from the front parlor and as Ester +knocked she heard a half scream from Mrs. Ried, mingled with cries +of "Don't let her in." Growing thoroughly alarmed, Ester now abruptly +pushed open the door and entered. + +"Oh, for mercy's sake, don't let her come," almost screamed Mrs. Ried, +starting wildly forward. + +"Mother, _hush_!" said Ralph's voice in solemn sternness. "It is only +Ester. Where is Abbie?" + +"In her room. What is the matter? Why do you all act so strangely? I +came to see what caused so much noise." + +And then her eyes and voice were arrested by a group around the sofa; +Mr. Ried and Dr. Downing, and stooping over some object which was +hidden from her was the man who had been pointed out to her as the +great Dr. Archer. As she looked in terrified amazement, he raised his +head and spoke. + +"It is as I feared, Mr. Ried. The pulse has ceased." + +"It is not possible!" And the hollow, awestruck tone in which Mr. Ried +spoke can not be described. + +And then Ester saw stretched on that sofa a perfectly motionless form, +a perfectly pale and quiet face, rapidly settling into the strange +solemn calm of death, and that face and form were Mr. Foster's! And +she stood as if riveted to the spot; stood in speechless, moveless +horror and amaze--and then the swift-coming thoughts shaped themselves +into two woe-charged words: "Oh Abbie!" + +What a household was this into which death had so swiftly and silently +entered! The very rooms in which the quiet form lay sleeping, all +decked in festive beauty in honor of the bridal morning; but oh! there +was to come no bridal. + +Ester shrank back in awful terror from the petition that she would go +to Abbie. + +"I can not--I _can not_!" she repeated again and again. "It will kill +her; and oh! it would kill me to tell her." + +Mrs. Ried was even more hopeless a dependence than Ester; and Mr. Ried +cried out in the very agony of despair: "What _shall_ we do? Is there +_nobody_ to help us?" + +Then Ralph came forward, grave almost to sternness, but very calm. +"Dr. Downing," he said, addressing the gentleman who had withdrawn a +little from the family group. "It seems to me that you are our only +hope in this time of trial. My sister and you are sustained, I +verily believe, by the same power. The rest of us seem to _have_ no +sustaining power. Would you go to my sister, sir?" + +Dr. Downing turned his eyes slowly away from the calm, moveless face +which seemed to have fascinated him, and said simply: "I will do what +I can for Abbie. It is blessed to think what a Helper she has. One who +never faileth. God pity those who have no such friend." + +So they showed him up to the brightly-lighted library, and sent a +message to the unconscious Abbie. + +"Dr. Downing," she said, turning briskly from the window in answer to +Maggie's summons. "Whatever does he want of me do you suppose, Maggie? +I'm half afraid of him tonight. However, I'll endeavor to brave the +ordeal. Tell Miss Ester to come up to me as soon as she can, and be +ready to defend me if I am to receive a lecture." + +This, as she flitted by toward the door; and a pitying cloud just then +hid the face of the August moon, and vailed from the glance of the +poor young creature the white, frightened face of Maggie. + +With what unutterable agony of fear did the family below wait and long +for and dread the return of Dr. Downing, or some message from that +dreadful room. The moments that seemed hours to them dragged on, and +no sound came to them. + +"She has not fainted then," muttered Ralph at last, "or he would have +rung. Ester, you know what Maggie said. Could you not go to her?" + +Ester cowered and shrunk. "Oh, Ralph, don't ask me. I _can not_." + +Then they waited again in silence; and at last shivered with fear as +Dr. Downing softly opened the door. There were traces of deep emotion +on his face, but just now it was wonderful for its calmness. + +"She knows all," he said, addressing Mr. Ried. "And the widow's God is +hers. Mrs. Ried, she makes special request that she need see no living +soul to-night; and, indeed, I think it will be best. And now, my +friends, may I pray with you in this hour of trial." + +So while quick, skillful fingers prepared the sleeper in that front +parlor for his long, long rest, a group such as had never bowed the +knee together before, knelt in the room just across the hall, and amid +tears and moans they were commended to the care of Him who waits to +help us all. + +By and by a solemn quiet settled down upon that strangely stricken +household. In the front parlor the folding doors were closed, and +the angel of death kept guard over his quiet victim. From the chamber +overhead came forth no sound, and none knew save God how fared the +struggle between despair and submission in that young heart. In +the sitting-room Ester waited breathlessly while Ralph gave the +particulars, which she had not until now been able to hear. + +"We were crossing just above the store; had nearly got across; he was +just saying that his preparations were entirely perfected for a long +absence. 'It is a long journey,' he added, 'and if I never come back +I have the satisfaction of thinking that I have left everything ready +even for that. It is well to be ready even for death, Ralph,' he said, +with one of his glorious smiles; 'it makes life pleasanter.' I don't +know how I can tell you the rest." And Ralph's lips grew white and +tremulous. "Indeed, I hardly know how it was. There was an old bent +woman crossing just behind us, and there was a carriage, and a wretch +of a drunken driver pushing his way through. I don't know how Foster +came to look around, but he did, and said, 'There is my dear old lady +behind us, Ralph; she ought not to be out with a mere child for a +companion.' And then he uttered an exclamation of terror, and sprang +forward--and I know nothing clearly that followed. I saw him drag +that old woman fairly from under the horses' feet. I heard the driver +curse, and saw him strike his frightened horses, and they reared and +plunged, and I saw him fall; but it all seemed to happen in one second +of time--and how I got him home, and got Dr. Archer, and kept it from +Abbie, I don't seem to know. Oh God help my poor little fair darling." +And Ralph choked and stopped, and wiped from his eyes great burning +tears. + +"Oh Ralph!" said Ester, as soon as she could speak. "Then all this +misery comes because that driver was intoxicated." + +"Yes," said Ralph, with compressed lips and flashing eyes. + + * * * * * + +"And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of +sleep; for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed." + +Rom. 13: 11. + + * * * * * + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS. + + +Slowly, slowly, the night wore away, and the eastern sky grew rosy +with the blush of a new morning--the bridal morning! How strangely +unreal, how even impossible did it seem to Ester, as she raised the +curtains and looked drearily out upon the dawn, that this was actually +the day upon which her thoughts had centered during the last three +weeks What a sudden shutting down had there been to all their plans +and preparations! How strangely the house looked--here a room bedecked +in festive beauty for the wedding; there one with shrouded mirrors, +and floating folds of crape! Life and death, a wedding and a +funeral--they had never either of them touched so close to her before; +and now the one had suddenly glided backward, and left her heart heavy +with the coming of the other. Mechanically, she turned to look upon +the silvery garment gleaming among the white furnishings of the bed, +for she was that very morning to have assisted in arraying the bride +in those robes of beauty. Her own careful fingers had laid out all the +bewildering paraphernalia of the dressing-room--sash and gloves, and +handkerchief and laces. Just in that very spot had she stood only +yesterday, and talking the while with Abbie; had altered a knot of +ribbons, and given the ends a more graceful droop, and just at that +moment Abbie had been summoned below stairs to see Mr. Foster--and now +he was waiting down there, not for Abbie, but for the coffin and the +grave, and Abbie was----. And here Ester gave a low, shuddering moan, +and covered her eyes with her hands. Why had she come into that room +at all? And why was all this fearful time allowed to come to Abbie? +Poor, poor Abbie she had been so bright and so good, and Mr. Foster +had been so entirely her guide--how could she ever endure it? Ester +doubted much whether Abbie could ever bear to see _her_ again, she had +been so closely connected with all these bright days, over which so +fearful a pall had fallen. It would be very natural if she should +refuse even to _see_ her--and, indeed, Ester almost hoped she would. +It seemed to her that this was a woe too deep to be spoken of or +endured, only she said with a kind of desperation, "Things _must_ be +endured;" and there was a wild thought in her heart, that if she could +but have the ordering of events, all this bitter sorrow should never +be. There came a low, tremulous knock as an interruption to her +thoughts, and Maggie's swollen eyes and tear-stained face appeared at +the door with a message. + +"If you please, Miss Ester, she wants you." + +"Who?" asked Ester, with trembling lips and a sinking at her heart. + +"Miss Abbie, ma'am; she asked for you, and said would you come to her +as soon as you could." + +But it was hours after that before Ester brought herself to feel that +she _could_ go to her. Nothing had ever seemed so hard to her to do. +How to look, how to act, what to say, and above all, what _not_ to +say to this poor, widowed bride. These questions were by no means +answered, when she suddenly, in desperate haste, decided that if it +must be done, the sooner it was over the better, and she made all +speed to prepare herself for the visit; and yet there was enough of +Ester's personal self left, even on that morning, to send a +little quiver of complacency through her veins, as she bathed her +tear-stained face, and smoothed her disordered hair. Abbie had sent +for _her_. Abbie wanted her; she had sent twice. Evidently she had +turned to her for help. Miserably unable as she felt herself to give +it, still it was a comfort to feel that she was the one selected from +the household for companionship. Ester knew that Mrs. Ried had been +with her daughter for a few moments, and that Ralph had rushed in and +out again, too overcome to stay, but Ester had asked no questions, and +received no information concerning her. She pictured her lying on +the bed, with disordered hair and swollen eyes, given over to the +abandonment of grief, or else the image of stony despair; and it was +with a very trembling hand that at last she softly turned the knob +and let herself into the morning room, which she and Abbie had enjoyed +together; and just as she pushed open the door, a neighboring clock +counted out twelve strokes, and it was at twelve o'clock that Abbie +was to become a wife! Midway in the room Ester paused, and, as her +eyes rested on Abbie, a look of bewildering astonishment gathered +on her face. In the little easy chair by the open window, one hand +keeping the place in the partly closed book, sat the young creature, +whose life had so suddenly darkened around her. The morning robe of +soft pure white was perfect in its neatness and simplicity, the brown +curls clustered around her brow with their wonted grace and beauty, +and while under her eyes indeed there were heavy rings of black, yet +the eyes themselves were large and full and tender. As she held out +the disengaged hand, there came the soft and gentle likeness of a +smile over her face; and Ester, bewildered, amazed, frightened, stood +almost as transfixed as if she had been one of those who saw the angel +sitting at the door of the empty tomb. Stood a moment, then a sudden +revulsion of feeling overcoming her, hurried forward, and dropping on +her knees, bowed her head over the white hand and the half-open Bible, +and burst into a passion of tears. + +"_Dear_ Ester!" This said Abbie in the softest, most soothing of +tones. The mourner turned comforter! + +"Oh Abbie, Abbie, how can you bear it--how _can_ you live?" burst +forth from the heart of this friend who had come to comfort this +afflicted one! + +There was a little bit of silence now, and a touching tremble to the +voice when it was heard again. + +"'The Lord knoweth them that are his.' I try to remember that. Christ +knows it all, and he loves me, and he is all-powerful; and yet he +leads me through this dark road; therefore it _must_ be right." + +"But," said Ester, raising her eyes and staying her tears for very +amazement, "I do not understand--I do not see. How _can_ you be so +calm, so submissive, at least just now--so soon--and you were to have +been married to-day?" + +The blood rolled in great purple waves over neck and cheek and brow, +and then receded, leaving a strange, almost death-like, pallor behind +it. The small hands were tightly clasped, with a strange mixture of +pain and devotion in the movement, and the white lips moved for a +moment, forming words that met no mortal ear--then the sweet, low, +tender voice sounded again. + +"Dear Ester, I pray. There is no other way. I pray all the time. I +keep right by my Savior. There is just a little, oh, a very little, +vale of flesh between him and between my--my husband and myself. Jesus +loves me, Ester. I know it now just as well as I did yesterday. I do +not and can not doubt him." + +A mixture of awe and pain and astonishment kept Ester moveless and +silent, and Abbie spoke no more for some moments. Then it was a +changed, almost bright voice. + +"Ester do you remember we stood together alone for a moment yesterday? +I will tell you what he said, the last words that were intended for +just me only, that I shall hear for a little while; they are _my_ +words, you know, but I shall tell them to you so you may see how +tender Christ is, even in his most solemn chastenings. 'See here,' he +said, 'I will give you a word to keep until we meet in the morning: +The Lord watch between thee and me while we are absent one from +another.' I have been thinking, while I sat here this morning, +watching the coming of this new day, which you know is his first day +in heaven, that perhaps it will be on some such morning of beauty as +this that my long, long day will dawn, and that I will say to him, as +soon as ever I see his face again: 'The word was a good one; the Lord +has watched between us, and the night is gone.' Think of it, Ester. I +shall _surely_ say that some day--'some summer morning.'" + +The essence of sweetness and the sublimity of faith which this young +Christian threw into these jubilant words can not be repeated on +paper; but, thank God, they can in the heart--they are but the echo of +those sure and everlasting words: "My grace is sufficient for thee." +As for Ester, who had spent her years groveling in the dust of earth, +it was the recital of such an experience as she had not deemed it +possible for humanity to reach. And still she knelt immovable and +silent, and Abbie broke the silence yet again. + +"Dear Ester, do you know I have not seen him yet, and I want to. +Mother does not understand, and she would not give her consent, but +she thinks me safe while you are with me. Would you mind going down +with me just to look at his face again?" + +Oh, Ester would mind it _dreadfully_. She was actually afraid of +death. She was afraid of the effect of such a scene upon this strange +Abbie. She raised her head, shivering with pain and apprehension, +and looked a volume of petition and remonstrance; but ere she spoke +Abbie's hand rested lovingly on her arm, and her low sweet voice +continued the pleading: + +"You do not quite understand my mood, Ester. I am not unlike others; +I have wept bitter tears this past night; I have groaned in agony of +spirit; I have moaned in the very dust. I shall doubtless have such +struggles again. This is earth, and the flesh is weak; but now is +my hour of exaltation--and while it is given me now to feel a faint +overshadowing of the very glory which surrounds him, I want to go and +look my last upon the dear clay which is to stay here on earth with +me." + +And Ester rose up, and wound her arm about the tiny frame which held +this brave true heart, and without another spoken word the two went +swiftly down the stairs, and entered the silent, solemn parlor. Yet, +even while she went, a fierce throb of pain shook Ester's heart, as +she remembered how they had arranged to descend the staircase on +this very day--in what a different manner, and for what a different +purpose. Apparently no such thought as this touched Abbie. She went +softly and yet swiftly forward to the still form, while Ester waited +in almost breathless agony to see what would result from this trial of +faith and nerve; but what a face it was upon which death had left its +seal! No sculptured marble was ever so grand in its solemn beauty as +was this clay-molded face, upon which the glorious smile born not of +earth rested in full sweetness. Abbie, with clasped hands and slightly +parted lips, stood and almost literally drank in the smile; then, +sweet and low and musical, there broke the sound of her voice in that +great solemn room. + +"So he giveth his beloved sleep." + +Not another word or sound disturbed the silence. And still Abbie stood +and gazed on the dear, dead face. And still Ester stood near the +door, and watched with alternations of anxiety and awe the changeful +expressions on the scarcely less white face of the living, until at +last, without sound or word, she dropped upon her knees, a cloud of +white drapery floating around her, and clasped her hands over the +lifeless breast. Then on Ester's face the anxiety gave place to awe, +and with softly moving fingers she opened the door, and with noiseless +tread went out into the hall and left the living and the dead alone +together. + +There was one more scene for Ester to endure that day. Late in the +afternoon, as she went to the closed room, there was bending over the +manly form a gray-haired old woman. By whose friendly hands she had +been permitted to enter, Ester did not stop to wonder. She had seen +her but once before, but she knew at a glance the worn, wrinkled face; +and, as if a picture of the scene hung before her, she saw that old, +queer form, leaning trustfully on the strong arm, lying nerveless now, +being carefully helped through the pushing throng--being reverently +cared for as if she had been his mother; and _she_, looking after the +two, had wondered if she should ever see them again. Now she stood +in the presence of them both, yet what an unmeasurable ocean rolled +between them! The faded, tearful eyes were raised to her face after +a moment, and a quivering voice spoke her thoughts aloud, rather than +addressed any body. "He gave his life for poor old useless me, and it +was such a beautiful life, and was needed, oh so much; but what am +I saying, God let it be him instead of me, who wanted so to go--and +after trusting him all along, am I, at my time of life, going to +murmur at him now? He came to see me only yesterday"--this in a more +natural tone of voice, addressed to Ester--"he told me good-by. He +said he was going a long journey with his wife; and now, may the dear +Savior help the poor darling, for he has gone his long journey without +her." + +Ester waited to hear not another word. The heavy sense of pain because +of Abbie, which she had carried about with her through all that weary +day, had reached its height with that last sentence: "He has gone his +long journey without her." + +She fled from the room, up the stairs, to the quiet little chamber, +which had been given to her for her hours of retirement, locked and +bolted the door, and commenced pacing up and down the room in agony of +soul. + +It was not all because of Abbie that this pain knocked so steadily at +her heart, at least not all out of sympathy with her bitter sorrow. +There was a fearful tumult raging in her own soul; her last stronghold +had been shattered. Of late she had come to think that Abbie's +Christian life was but a sweet reflection of Mr. Foster's strong, true +soul; that she leaned not on Christ, but on the arm of flesh. She had +told herself very confidently that if _she_ had such a friend as he +had been to Abbie, she should be like her. In her hours of rebellion +she had almost angrily reminded herself that it was not strange that +Abbie's life could be so free from blame; _she_ had some one to turn +to in her needs. It was a very easy matter for Abbie to slip lightly +over the petty trials of her life, so long as she was surrounded and +shielded by that strong, true love. But now, ah now, the arm of flesh +had faltered, the strong staff had broken, and broken, too, only a +moment, as it were, before it was to have been hers in name as well as +in spirit. Naturally, Ester had expected that the young creature, so +suddenly shorn of her best and dearest, would falter and faint, +and utterly fail. And when, looking on, she saw the triumph of the +Christian's faith, rising even over death, sustained by no human arm, +and yet wonderfully, triumphantly sustained, even while she bent +for the last time over that which was to have been her earthly +all--looking and wondering, there suddenly fell away from her the +stupor of years, and Ester saw with wide, open eyes, and thoroughly +awakened soul, that there was a something in this Christian religion +that Abbie had and she had not. + +And thus it was that she paced her room in that strange agony that was +worse than grief, and more sharp than despair. No use now to try to +lull her conscience back to quiet sleep again; that time was past, +it was thoroughly and sharply awake; the same All-wise hand which had +tenderly freed one soul from its bonds of clay and called it home, had +as tenderly and as wisely, with the same stroke, cut the cords that +bound this other soul to earth, loosed the scales from her long-closed +eyes, broke the sleep that had well-nigh lulled her to ruin; and now +heart and brain and conscience were thoroughly and forever awake. + +When at last, from sheer exhaustion, she ceased her excited pacing +up and down the room and sank into a chair, her heart was not more +stilled. It seemed to her, long after, in thinking of this hour, +that it was given to her to see deeper into the recesses of her own +depravity than ever mortal had seen before. She began years back, +at that time when she thought she had given her heart to Christ, and +reviewed step by step all the weary way, up to this present time; +and she found nothing but backslidings, and inconsistencies, and +confusion--denials of her Savior, a closed Bible, a neglected closet, +a forgotten cross. Oh, the bitterness, the unutterable agony of that +hour! Surely Abbie, on her knees struggling with her bleeding heart, +and yet feeling all around and underneath her the everlasting arms, +knew nothing of desolation such as this. + +Fiercer and fiercer waged the warfare, until at last every root of +pride, or self-complacence, or self-excuse, was utterly cast out. Yet +did not Satan despair. Oh, he meant to have this poor sick, weak lamb, +if he could get her; no effort should be left unmade. And when he +found that she could be no more coaxed and lulled and petted into +peace, he tried that darker, heavier temptation--tried to stupefy her +into absolute despair. "No," she said within her heart, "I am not a +Christian; I never have been one; I never _can_ be one. I've been a +miserable, self-deceived hypocrite all my life. I have had a name +to live, and am dead. I would not let myself be awakened; I have +struggled against it; I have been only too glad to stop myself from +thinking about it. I have been just a miserable stumbling-block, with +no excuse to offer; and now I feel myself deserted, justly so. There +can be no rest for such as I. I have no Savior; I have insulted and +denied him; I have crucified him again, and now he has left me to +myself." + +Thus did that father of lies continue to pour into this weary soul the +same old story which he has repeated for so many hundred years, with +the same old foundation: "_I--I--I_." And strange to say, this poor +girl repeated the experience which has so many times been lived, +during these past hundreds of years, in the very face of that other +glorious pronoun, in very defiance, it would seem, to that old, +old explanation: "Surely _he_ hath borne our griefs and carried our +sorrows." "_He_ was wounded for our transgressions; _he_ was bruised +for our iniquities. The chastisement of our peace was upon _him_: and +with _his stripes_ we are healed." + +Yes, Ester knew those two verses. She knew yet another which said: +"All we, like sheep, have gone astray. We have turned every one to his +own way: _and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all_." + +And yet she dared to sit with hopeless, folded hand, with heavy +despairing eyes, and repeat that sentence: "I _have_ no Savior now." +And many a wandering sheep has dared, even in its repenting hour, +to insult the great Shepherd thus. Ester's Bible lay on the window +seat--the large, somewhat worn Bible which Abbie had lent her, to +"mark just as much as she pleased;" it lay open, as if it had opened +of itself to a familiar spot. There were heavy markings around several +of the verses, markings that had not been made by Ester's pencil. +Some power far removed from that which had been guiding her despairing +thoughts prompted her to reach forth her hand for the book, and fix +her attention on those marked verses, and the words were these: "For +thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name +is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of +a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, +and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. For I will not contend +forever, neither will I be always wroth: for the spirit should fail +before me, and the souls which I have made. For the iniquity of his +covetousness was I wroth, and smote him: I hid me, and was wroth, and +he went on frowardly in the way of his heart. I have seen his ways, +and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him +and to his mourners. I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to +him that is afar off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord; and _I +will heal him_." + +Had an angel spoken to Ester, or was it the dear voice of the Lord +himself? She did not know. She only knew that there rang through her +very soul two sentences as the climax of all these wonderful words: +"Peace, peace to him that is afar off"--and--"I will heal him." + +A moment more, and with the very promise of the Crucified spread +out before her, Ester was on her knees; and at first, with bursts of +passionate, tearful pleading, and later with low, humble, contrite +tones, and finally with the sound in her voice of that peace which +comes only to those to whom Christ is repeating: "I have blotted out +as a cloud thy transgressions, and as a thick cloud thy sins," did +Ester pray. + +"Do you know, dear Ester, there must have been two new joys in heaven +to-day? First they had a new-comer among those who walk with him in +white, for they are worthy; and then they had that shout of triumph +over another soul for whom Satan has struggled fiercely and whom he +has forever lost." This said Abbie, as they nestled close together +that evening in the "purple twilight." + +And Ester answered simply and softly: Amen. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +SUNDRIES. + + +Meanwhile the days moved on; the time fixed for Ester's return home +had long passed, and yet she tarried in New York. Abbie clung to her, +wanted her for various reasons; and the unselfish, pitying mother, far +away, full of tender sympathy for the stricken bride, smothered a sigh +of weariness, buried in her heart the thought of her own need of her +eldest daughter's presence and help, and wrote a long, loving letter, +jointly to the daughter and niece, wherein she gave her full consent +to Ester's remaining away, so long as she could be a comfort to her +cousin. + +Two items worthy of record occurred during these days. The first time +the family gathered at the dinner table, after the one who had been +so nearly a son of the house had been carried to his rest in that +wonderful and treasured city of Greenwood, Ralph, being helped by +John, as usual, to his glass of wine, refused it with a short, sharp, +almost angry "_No_. Take it away and never offer me the accursed stuff +again. We should have had him with us to-day but for that. I'll never +touch another drop of it as long as I live." + +Which startling words Mr. and Mrs. Ried listened to without comment, +other than a half-frightened look bestowed on Abbie, to see how she +would bear this mention of her dead; and she bore it this way. Turning +her eyes, glistening with tears, full on her brother's face, she said, +with a little quiver of tender gladness in her voice: + +"Oh, Ralph, I knew it had a silver lining, but I did not think God +would let me see it so soon." + +Then Mr. and Mrs. Ried concluded that both their children were queer, +and that they did not understand them. The other item was productive +of a dissertation on propriety from Mrs. Ried. + +Ralph and his father were in the back parlor, the former standing with +one arm resting on the mantel while he talked with his father, who was +half buried in a great easy chair--that easy chair in his own elegant +parlor, and his handsome son standing before him in that graceful +attitude, were Mr. Ried's synonyms for perfect satisfaction; and his +face took on a little frown of disappointment, as the door opened +somewhat noisily, and Mrs. Ried came in wearing a look expressive +of thoroughly-defined vexation. Ralph paused in the midst of his +sentence, and wheeled forward a second easy chair for his mother, then +returned to his former position and waited patiently for the gathered +frown to break into words, which event instantly occurred. + +"I really do not think, Mr. Ried, that this nonsense ought to be +allowed; besides being a very strange, unfeeling thing to do, it is in +my opinion positively indecent--and I _do_ think, Mr. Ried, that you +ought to exercise your authority for once." + +"If you would kindly inform me what you are supposed to be talking +about, and where my authority is specially needed at this time, I +might be induced to consider the matter." + +This, from the depths of the easy chair, in its owner's most +provokingly indifferent tone, which fortunately Mrs. Ried was too much +preoccupied to take special note of, and continued her storm of words. + +"Here, it is not actually quite a week since he was buried, and Abbie +must needs make herself and her family appear perfectly ridiculous by +making her advent in public." + +Mr. Ried came to an upright posture, and even Ralph asked a startled +question: + +"Where is she going?" + +"Why, where do you suppose, but to that absurd little prayer-meeting, +where she always would insist upon going every Thursday evening. I +used to think it was for the pleasure of a walk home with Mr. Foster; +but why she should go to-night is incomprehensible to me." + +"Nonsense!" said Mr. Ried, settling back into the cushions. "A large +public that will be. I thought at the very least she was going to the +opera. If the child finds any comfort in such an atmosphere, where's +the harm? Let her go." + +"Where's the harm! Now, Mr. Ried, that is just as much as you care +for appearances _sometimes_, and at other times you can be quite as +particular as _I_ am; though I certainly believe there is nothing that +Abbie might take a fancy to do that you would not uphold her in." + +Mr. Ried's reply was uttered in a tone that impressed one with the +belief that he was uttering a deliberate conviction. + +"You are quite right as regards that, I suspect. At least I find +myself quite unable to conceive of any thing connected with her that +could by any twisting be made other than just the thing." + +Mrs. Ried's exasperated answer was cut short by the entrance of Abbie, +attired as for a walk or ride, the extreme pallor of her face and the +largeness of her soft eyes enhanced by the deep mourning robes which +fell around her like the night. + +"Now, Abbie," said Mrs. Ried, turning promptly to her, "I did hope +you had given up this strangest of all your strange whims. What _will_ +people think?" + +"People are quite accustomed to see me there, dear mother, at least +all the people who will see me to-night; and if _ever_ I needed help I +do just now." + +"I should think it would be much more appropriate to stay at home and +find help in the society of your own family. That is the way other +people do who are in affliction." + +Mrs. Ried had the benefit of a full, steady look from Abbie's great +solemn eyes now, as she said: + +"Mother, I want God's help. No other will do me any good." + +"Well," answered Mrs. Ried, after just a moment of rather awe-struck +silence, "can't you find that help any where but in that plain, +common little meeting-house? I thought people with your peculiar views +believed that God was every-where." + +An expression not unlike that of a hunted deer shone for a moment in +Abbie's eyes. Then she spoke, in tones almost despairing: + +"O mother, _mother_, you _can not_ understand." + +Tone, or words, or both, vexed Mrs. Ried afresh, and she spoke with +added sharpness. + +"At least I can understand this much, that my daughter is very anxious +to do a thing utterly unheard of in its propriety, and I am thoroughly +ashamed of you. If I were Ester I should not like to uphold you in +such a singularly conspicuous parade. Remember, you have no one _now_ +but John to depend upon as an escort." + +Ralph had remained a silent, immovable listener to this strange, sad +conversation up to this moment. Now he came suddenly forward with a +quick, firm tread, and encircled Abbie's trembling form with his arm, +while with eyes and voice he addressed his mother. + +"In that last proposition you are quite mistaken, my dear mother. +Abbie chances to have a brother, who considers himself honored by +being permitted to accompany her any where she may choose to go." + +Mrs. Ried looked up at her tall, haughty son in unfeigned +astonishment, and for an instant was silent. + +"Oh," she said at last, "if you have chosen to rank yourself on this +ridiculous fanatical side, I have nothing more to say." + +As for Mr. Ried, he had long before this shadded his eyes with his +hand, and was looking through half-closed fingers with mournful eyes +at the sable robes and pallid face of his golden-haired darling, +apparently utterly unconscious of or indifferent to the talk that was +going on. + +But will Ralph ever forget the little sweet smile which illumined for +a moment the pure young face, as she turned confiding eyes on him? + +Thenceforth there dawned a new era in Abbie's life. Ralph, for +reasons best known to himself, chose to be released from his vacation +engagements in a neighboring city, and remained closely at home. And +Abbie went as usual to her mission-class, to her Bible-class, to +the teacher's prayer-meeting, to the regular church prayer-meeting, +every-where she had been wont to go, and she was always and +every-where accompanied and sustained by her brother. + +As for Ester, these were days of great opportunity and spiritual +growth to her. + +So we bridge the weeks between and reach the afternoon of a September +day, bright and beautiful, as the month draws toward its closing; and +Ester is sitting alone in her room in the low, easy chair by the +open window, and in her lap lies an open letter, while she, with +thoughtful, earnest eyes seems reading, not it, but the future, or +else her own heart. The letter is from Sadie, and she has written +thus: + +"MY DEAR CITY SISTER,--Mother said to-night, as we were promenading +the dining-room for the sake of exercise, and also to clear off the +table (Maggie had the toothache and was off duty): 'Sadie, my dear +child, haven't you written to Ester yet? Do you think it is quite +right to neglect her so, when she must be very anxious to hear from +home?' Now, you know, when mother says, 'Sadie, my dear child,' and +looks at me from out those reproachful eyes of hers, there is nothing +short of mixing a mess of bread that I would not do for her. So here I +am--place, third story front; time, 11:30 P.M.; position, foot of the +bed (Julia being soundly sleeping at the head), one gaiter off and one +gaiter on, somewhat after the manner of 'my son John' so renowned in +history. Speaking of bread, how abominably that article can act. I had +a solemn conflict with a batch of it this morning. Firstly, you must +know, I forgot it. Mother assured me it was ready to be mixed before +I awakened, so it must have been before that event took place that +the forgetfulness occurred; however, be that as it may, after I was +thoroughly awake, and up, and _down_, I still forgot it. The fried +potatoes were frying themselves fast to that abominable black dish +in which they are put to sizzle, and which, by the way, is the most +nefarious article in the entire kitchen list to get clean (save +and excepting the dish-cloth). Well, as I was saying, they burned +themselves, and I ran to the rescue. Then Minie wanted me to go to +the yard with her, to see a 'dear cunning little brown and gray +thing, with some greenish spots, that walked and spoke to her.' The +interesting stranger proved to be a fair-sized frog! While examining +into, and explaining minutely the nature and character and occupations +of the entire frog family, the mixture in the tin pail, behind the +kitchen stove, took that opportunity to _sour_. My! what a bubble +it was in, and what an interesting odor it emitted, when at last I +returned from frogdom to the ordinary walks of life, and gave it my +attention. Maggie was above her elbows in the wash-tub, so I seized +the pail, and in dire haste and dismay ran up two flights of stairs +in search of mother. I suppose you know what followed. I assure you, +I think mothers and soda are splendid! What a remarkable institution +that ingredient is. While I made sour into sweet with the aid of its +soothing proclivities, I moralized; the result of which was that after +I had squeezed and mushed and rolled over, and thumped and patted my +dough the requisite number of times, I tucked it away under blankets +in a corner, and went out to the piazza to ask Dr. Douglass if he knew +of an article in the entire round of Materia Medica which could be +given to human beings when they were sour and disagreeable, and which, +after the manner of soda in dough, would immediately work a reform. +On his acknowledging his utter ignorance of any such principle, I +advanced the idea that cooking was a much more developed science than +medicine; thence followed an animated discussion. + +"But in the meantime what do you suppose that bread was doing? Just +spreading itself in the most remarkable manner over the nice blanket +under which I had cuddled it! Then I had an amazing time. Mother +said the patting process must all be done over again; and there was +abundant opportunity for more moralizing. That bread developed the +most remarkable stick-to-a-tive-ness that I ever beheld. I assure you, +if total depravity is a mark of humanity, then I believe my dough is +human. + +"Well, we are all still alive, though poor Mr. Holland is, I fear, +very little more than that. He was thrown from his carriage one +evening last week, and brought home insensible. He is now in a raging +fever, and very ill indeed. For once in their lives both doctors +agree. He is delirious most of the time; and his delirium takes the +very trying form which leads him to imagine that only mother can do +any thing for him. The doctors think he fancies she is his own mother, +and that he is a boy again. All this makes matters rather hard on +mother. She is frequently with him half the night; and often Maggie +and I are left to reign supreme in the kitchen for the entire day. +Those are the days that 'try men's souls,' especially women's. + +"I am sometimes tempted to think that all the book knowledge the world +contains is not to be compared to knowing just what, and how, and +when, to do in the kitchen. I quite think so for a few hours when +mother, after a night of watching in a sick room, comes down to undo +some of my blundering. She is the patientest, dearest, lovingest, +kindest mother that ever a mortal had, and just because she is so +patient shall I rejoice over the day when she can give a little sigh +of relief and leave the kitchen, calm in the assurance that it will +be right-side up when she returns. Ester, how _did_ you make things +go right? I'm sure I try harder than I ever knew you to, and yet salt +will get into cakes and puddings, and sugar into potatoes. Just here +I'm conscience smitten. I beg you will not construe one of the above +sentences as having the remotest allusion to your being sadly missed +at home. Mother said I was not even to _hint_ such a thing, and I'm +sure I haven't. I'm a _remarkable_ housekeeper. The fall term at the +academy opened week before last. I have hidden my school-books behind +that old barrel in the north-east corner of the attic. I thought they +would be safer there than below stairs. At least I was sure the bread +would do better in the oven because of their ascent. + +"To return to the scene of our present trials: Mr. Holland is, I +suppose, very dangerously sick; and poor Mrs. Holland is the very +embodiment of despair. When I look at her in prospective misery, I +am reminded of poor, dear cousin Abbie (to whom I would write if it +didn't seem a sacrilege), and I conclude there is really more misery +in this world of ours than I had any idea of. I've discovered why +the world was made round. It must be to typify our lives--sort of a +tread-mill existence, you know; coming constantly around to the things +which you thought you had done yesterday and put away; living over +again to-day the sorrows which you thought were vanquished last week. +I'm sleepy, and it is nearly time to bake cakes for breakfast. 'The +tip of the morning to you,' as Patrick O'Brien greets Maggie. + +"Yours nonsensically; SADIE." + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +AT HOME. + + +Over this letter Ester had laughed and cried, and finally settled, as +we found her, into quiet thought. When Abbie came in after a little, +and nestled on an ottoman in front of her, with an inquiring look, +Ester placed the letter in her hands, without note or comment, and +Abbie read and laughed considerably, then grew more sober, and at last +folded the letter with a very thoughtful face. + +"Well," said Ester, at last, smiling a little. + +And Abbie answered: "Oh, Ester." + +"Yes," said Ester, "you see they need me." + +Then followed a somewhat eager, somewhat sorrowful talk, and then a +moment of silence fell between them, which Abbie broke by a sudden +question: + +"Ester, isn't this Dr. Douglass gaining some influence over Sadie? +Have I imagined it, or does she speak of him frequently in her +letters, in a way that gives me an idea that his influence is not for +good?" + +"I'm afraid it is very true; his influence over her seems to be great, +and it certainly is not for good. The man is an infidel, I think. At +least he is very far indeed from being a Christian. Do you know I +read a verse in my Bible this morning which, when I think of my past +influence over Sadie, reminds me bitterly of myself. It was like this: +'While men slept his enemy came and sowed tares--.' If I had not been +asleep I might have won Sadie for the Savior before this enemy came." + +"Well," Abbie answered gently, not in the least contradicting this sad +statement, but yet speaking hopefully, "you will try to undo all this +now." + +"Oh, Abbie, I don't know. I am so weak--like a child just beginning to +take little steps alone, instead of being the strong disciple that I +might have been. I distrust myself. I am afraid." + +"I'm not afraid for you," Abbie said, speaking very earnestly. +"Because, in the first place you are unlike the little child, in that +you must never even try to take one step _alone_. And besides, there +are more verses in the Bible than that one. See here, let me show you +mine." + +And Abbie produced her little pocket Bible, and pointed with her +finger while Ester read; "When I am weak, then am I strong." Then +turning the leaves rapidly, as one familiar with the strongholds of +that tower of safety, she pointed again, and Ester read: "What time I +am afraid, I will trust in thee." + +Almost five o'clock of a sultry October day, one of those days which +come to us sometimes during that golden month, like a regretful +turning back of the departing summer. A day which, coming to people +who have much hard, pressing work, and who are wearied and almost +stifled with the summer's heat, makes them thoroughly uncomfortable, +not to say cross. Almost five o'clock, and in the great dining-room of +the Rieds Sadie was rushing nervously back and forth, very much in +the same manner that Ester was doing on that first evening of our +acquaintance, only there was not so much method in her rushing. The +curtains were raised as high as the tapes would take them, and the +slant rays of the yellow sun were streaming boldly in, doing their +bravest to melt into oil the balls of butter on the table, for poor, +tired, bewildered Sadie had forgotten to let down the shades, and +forgotten the ice for the butter, and had laid the table cloth +crookedly, and had no time to straighten it. This had been one of +her trying days. The last fierce look of summer had parched anew +the fevered limbs of the sufferer up stairs, and roused to sharper +conflict the bewildered brain. Mrs. Ried's care had been earnest and +unremitting, and Sadie, in her unaccustomed position of mistress below +stairs, had reached the very verge of bewildered weariness. She gave +nervous glances at the inexorable clock as she flew back and forth. +There were those among Mrs. Ried's boarders whose business made +it almost a necessity that they should be promptly served at five +o'clock. Maggie had been hurriedly summoned to do an imperative errand +connected with the sick room; and this inexperienced butterfly, with +her wings sadly drooping, was trying to gather her scattered wits +together sufficiently to get that dreadful tea-table ready for the +thirteen boarders who were already waiting the summons. + +"What _did_ I come after?" she asked herself impatiently, as she +pressed her hand to her frowning forehead, and stared about the pantry +in a vain attempt to decide what had brought her there in such hot +haste. "Oh, a spoon--no, a fork, I guess it was. Why, I don't remember +the forks at all. As sure as I'm here, I believe they are, too, +instead of being on the table; and--Oh, my patience, I believe those +biscuits are burning. I wonder if they are done. Oh, dear me!" And +the young lady, who was Mr. Hammond's star scholar, bent with puzzled, +burning face, and received hot whiffs of breath from the indignant +oven while she tried to discover whether the biscuits were ready to be +devoured. It was an engrossing employment. She did not hear the sound +of carriage wheels near the door, nor the banging of trunks on the +side piazza. She was half way across the dining-room, with her tin of +puffy biscuits in her hands, with the puzzled, doubtful look still on +her face, before she felt the touch of two soft, loving arms around +her neck, and turning quickly, she screamed, rather than said: "Oh, +Ester!" And suddenly seating her tin of biscuit on one chair and +herself on another, Sadie covered her face with both hands and +actually cried. + +"Why, Sadie, you poor dear child, what _can_ be the matter?" + +And Ester's voice was full of anxiety, for it was almost the first +time that she had ever seen tears on that bright young face. + +Sadie's first remark caused a sudden revulsion of feeling. Springing +suddenly to her feet, she bent anxious eyes on the chair full of +biscuit. + +"Oh, Ester," she said, "_are_ these biscuits done, or will they be +sticky and hateful in the middle?" + +_How_ Ester laughed! Then she came to the rescue. "_Done_--of course +they are, and beautifully, too. Did you make them? Here, I'll take +them out. Sadie, where is mother?" + +"In Mr. Holland's room. She has been there nearly all day. Mr. Holland +is no better, and Maggie has gone on an errand for them. Why have you +come? Did the fairies send you?" + +"And where are the children?" + +"They have gone to walk. Minie wanted mother every other minute, +so Alfred and Julia have carried her off with them. Say, you _dear_ +Ester, how _did_ you happen to come? How shall I be glad enough to see +you?" + +Ester laughed. "Then I can't see any of them," she said by way of +answer. "Never mind, then we'll have some tea. You poor child, how +very tired you look. Just seat yourself in that chair, and see if I +have forgotten how to work." + +And Sadie, who was thoroughly tired, and more nervous than she had any +idea she could be, leaned luxuriously back in her mother's chair, with +a delicious sense of unresponsibility about her, and watched a magic +spell come over the room. Down came the shades in a twinkling, and the +low red sun looked in on them no more; the table-cloth straightened +itself; pickles and cheese and cake got out of their confused +proximity, and marched each to their appropriate niche on the +well-ordered table; a flying visit into well-remembered regions +returned hard, sparkling, ice-crowned butter. And when at last the +fragrant tea stood ready to be served, and Ester, bright and smiling, +stationed herself behind her mother's chair, Sadie gave a little +relieved sigh, and then she laughed. + +"You're straight from fairy land, Ester; I know it now. That +table-cloth has been crooked in spite of me for a week. Maggie lays +it, and I _can not_ straighten it. I don't get to it. I travel five +hundred miles every night to get this supper ready, and it's never +ready. I have to bob up for a fork or a spoon, or I put on four plates +of butter and none of bread. Oh there is witch work about it, and +none but thoroughbred witches can get every thing, every little +insignificant, indispensable thing on a table. I can't keep house." + +"You poor kitten," said Ester, filled with very tender sympathy for +this pretty young sister and feeling very glad indeed that she had +come home, "Who would think of expecting a butterfly to spin? You +shall bring those dear books down from the attic to-morrow. In the +meantime, where is the tea-bell?" + +"Oh, we don't ring," said Sadie, rising as she spoke. "The noise +disturbs Mr. Holland. Here comes my first lieutenant, who takes charge +of that matter. My sister, Miss Ried, Dr. Douglass." + +And Ester, as she returned the low, deferential bow bestowed upon her, +felt anew the thrill of anxiety which had come to her of late when she +thought of this dangerous stranger in connection with her beautiful, +giddy, unchristian sister. + +On the whole, Ester's home coming was pleasant. To be sure it was a +wonderful change from her late life; and there was perhaps just the +faintest bit of a sigh as she drew off her dainty cuffs and prepared +to wipe the dishes which Sadie washed, while Maggie finished her +interrupted ironing. What would John, the stylish waiter at Uncle +Ralph's, think if he could see her now, and how funny Abbie would look +engaged in such employment; but Sadie looked so bright and relieved +and rested, and chatted so gayly, that presently Ester gave another +little sigh and said: + +"Poor Abbie! how very, _very_ lonely she must be to-night. I wish she +were here for you to cheer her, Sadie." + +Later, while she dipped into the flour preparatory to relieving Sadie +of her fearful task of sponge setting, the kitchen clock struck seven. +This time she laughed at the contrast. They were just going down to +dinner now at Uncle Ralph's. Only night before last she was there +herself. She had been out that day with Aunt Helen, and so was attired +in the lovely blue silk and the real laces, which were Aunt Helen's +gift, fastened at the throat by a tiny pearl, Abbie's last offering. +Now they were sitting down to dinner without her, and she was in the +great pantry five hundred miles away, a long, wide calico apron quite +covering up her traveling dress, sleeves rolled above her elbows, +and engaged in scooping flour out of the barrel into her great wooden +bowl! But then how her mother's weary, careworn face had brightened, +and glowed into pleased surprise as she caught the first glimpse of +her; how lovingly she had folded her in those dear _motherly_ arms, +and said, actually with lips all a tremble: "My _dear_ daughter! what +an unexpected blessing, and what a kind providence, that you have come +just now." Then Alfred and Julia had been as eager and jubilant +in their greeting as though Ester had been always to them the very +perfection of a sister; and hadn't little Minie crumpled her dainty +collar into an unsightly rag, and given her "Scotch kisses," and +"Dutch kisses," and "Yankee kisses," and genuine, sweet baby kisses, +in her uncontrollable glee over dear "Auntie Essie." + +And besides, oh besides! this Ester Ried who had come home was not +the Ester Ried who had gone out from them only two months ago. A +whole lifetime of experience and discipline seemed to her to have been +crowded into those two months. Nothing of her past awakened more keen +regret in this young girl's heart than the thought of her undutiful, +unsisterly life. It was all to be different now. She thanked God that +he had let her come back to that very kitchen and dining-room to undo +her former work. The old sluggish, selfish spirit had gone from her. +Before this every thing had been done for Ester Ried, now it was to be +done for Christ--_every thing_, even the mixing up of that flour and +water; for was not the word given: "_Whatsoever_ ye do, do all to the +glory of God?" How broad that word was, "whatsoever." Why that covered +every movement--yes, and every word. How _could_ life have seemed to +her dull and uninteresting and profitless? + +Sadie hushed her busy tongue that evening as she saw in the moonlight +Ester kneeling to pray; and a kind of awe stole over her for a +moment as she saw that the kneeler seemed unconscious of any earthly +presence. Somehow it struck Sadie as a different matter from any +kneeling which she had ever watched in the moonlight before. + +And Ester, as she rested her tired, happy head upon her own pillow, +felt this word ringing sweetly in her heart: "And ye are Christ's, and +Christ is God's." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +TESTED. + + +Ester was winding the last smooth coil of hair around her head when +Sadie opened her eyes the next morning. + +"My!" she said. "Do you know, Ester, it is perfectly delightful to +me to lie here and look at you, and remember that I shall not be +responsible for those cakes this morning? They shall want a pint of +soda added to them for all that I shall need to know or care." + +Ester laughed. "You will surely have _your_ pantry well stocked +with soda," she said, gayly. "It seems to have made a very strong +impression on your mind." + +But the greeting had chimed with her previous thoughts and sounded +pleasant to her. She had come home to be the helper; her mother and +Sadie should feel and realize after this how very much of a helper +she could be. That very day should be the commencement of her old, new +life. It was baking day--her detestation heretofore, her pleasure now. +No more useful day could be chosen. How she would dispatch the pies +and cakes and biscuits, to say nothing of the wonderful loaves of +bread. She smiled brightly on her young sister, as she realized in +a measure the weight of care which she was about to lift from her +shoulders; and by the time she was ready for the duties of the day she +had lived over in imagination the entire routine of duties connected +with that busy, useful, happy day. She went out from her little +clothes-press wrapped in armor--the pantry and kitchen were to be +her battle-field, and a whole host of old temptations and trials +were there to be met and vanquished. So Ester planned, and yet it so +happened that she did not once enter the kitchen during all that long +busy day, and Sadie's young shoulders bore more of the hundred +little burdens of life that Saturday than they had ever felt before. +Descending the stairs, Ester met Dr. Van Anden for the first time +since her return. He greeted her with a hurried "good-morning," quite +as if he had seen her only the day before, and at once pressed her +into service: + +"Miss Ester, will you go to Mr. Holland immediately? I can not find +your mother. Send Mrs. Holland from the room, she excites him. Tell +her _I_ say she must come immediately to the sitting-room; I wish to +see her. Give Mr. Holland a half teaspoonful of the mixture in the +wine-glass every ten minutes, and on no account leave him until I +return, which will be as soon as possible." + +And seeming to be certain that his directions would be followed, the +doctor vanished. + +For only about a quarter of a minute did Ester stand irresolute. Dr. +Van Anden's tone and manner were full of his usual authority--a habit +with him which had always annoyed her. She shrank with a feeling +amounting almost to terror from a dark, quiet room, and the position +of nurse. Her base of operations, according to her own arrangements, +had been the light, airy kitchen, where she felt herself needed at +this very moment. But one can think of several things in a quarter +of a minute. Ester had very lately taken up the habit of securing one +Bible verse as part of her armor to go with her through the day. On +this particular morning the verse was: "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to +do, do it with thy might." Now if her hands had found work waiting for +her down this first flight of stairs instead of down two, as she had +planned, what was that to her? Ester turned and went swiftly to +the sick room, dispatched the almost frantic wife according to the +doctor's peremptory orders, gave the mixture as directed, waited +patiently for the doctor's return, only to hear herself installed as +head nurse for the day; given just time enough to take a very hurried +second table meal with Sadie, listen to her half pitiful, half comic +complainings, and learn that her mother was down with sick headache. + +So it was that this first day at home drew toward its closing; and not +one single thing that Ester had planned to do, and do so well, had she +been able to accomplish. It had been very hard to sit patiently there +and watch the low breathings of that almost motionless man on the bed +before her, to rouse him at set intervals sufficiently to pour some +mixture down his unwilling lips, to fan him occasionally, and that +was all. It had been hard, but Ester had not chafed under it; she had +recognized the necessity--no nurse to be found, her mother sick, and +the young, frightened, as well as worn-out wife, not to be trusted. +Clearly she was at the post of duty. So as the red sun peeped in a +good-night from a little corner of the closed curtain, it found Ester +not angry, but _very_ sad. _Such_ a weary day! And this man on the +bed was dying; both doctors had _looked_ that at each other at least +a dozen times that day. How her life of late was being mixed up with +death. She had just passed through one sharp lesson, and here at the +threshold awaited another. Different from that last though--oh, _very_ +different--and herein lay some of the sadness. Mr. Foster had said +"every thing was ready for the long journey, even should there be no +return." Then she went back for a minute to the look of glory on that +marble face, and heard again that wonderful sentence: "_So_ he giveth +his beloved sleep." But this man here! every thing had not been made +ready by him. So at least she feared. Yet she was conscious, professed +Christian though she had been, living in the same house with him for +so many years, that she knew very little about him. She had seen much +of him, had talked much with him, but she had never mentioned to him +the name of Christ, the name after which she called herself. The sun +sank lower, it was almost gone; this weary day was nearly done; and +very sad and heavy-hearted felt this young watcher--the day begun in +brightness was closing in gloom. It was not all so clear a path as +she had thought; there were some things that she could not undo. Those +days of opportunity, in which she might at least have invited this man +to Jesus, were gone; it seemed altogether probable that there would +never come another. There was a little rustle of the drapery about the +bed, and she turned suddenly, to meet the great searching eyes of the +sick man, bent full upon her. Then he spoke in low, but wonderfully +distinct and solemn tones. And the words he slowly uttered were yet +more startling: + +"Am I going to die?" + +Oh, what _was_ Ester to say? How those great bright eyes searched her +soul! Looking into them, feeling the awful solemnity of the question, +she could not answer "No;" and it seemed almost equally impossible +to tell him "Yes." So the silence was unbroken, while she trembled +in every nerve, and felt her face blanch before the continued gaze of +those mournful eyes. At length the silence seemed to answer him; +for he turned his head suddenly from her, and half buried it in the +pillow, and neither spoke nor moved. + +That awful silence! That moment of opportunity, perhaps the last of +earth for him, perhaps it was given to her to speak to him the last +words that he would ever hear from mortal lips. What _could_ she say? +If she only knew how--only had words. Yet _something_ must be said. + +Then there came to Ester one of those marked Bible verses which had of +late grown so precious, and her voice, low and clear, filled the blank +in the room. + +"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." + +No sound from the quiet figure on the bed. She could not even tell if +he had heard, yet perhaps he might, and so she gathered them, a little +string of wondrous pearls, and let them fall with soft and gentle +cadence from her lips. + +"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring +it to pass." + +"The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him--the Lord is +gracious, and full of compassion." + +"Thus saith the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, I, even +I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and +will not remember thy sins." + +"Look unto me and be ye saved, all ye ends of the earth; for I am God, +and there is none else." + +"Incline your ear, and come unto me; hear, and your soul shall live." + +Silence for a moment, and then Ester repeated, in tones that were full +of sweetness, that one little verse, which had become the embodiment +to her of all that was tender, and soothing and wonderful: "What time +I am afraid I will trust in thee." Was this man, moving toward the +very verge of the river, afraid? Ester did not know, was not to know +whether those gracious invitations from the Redeemer of the world had +fallen once more on unheeding ears, or not; for with a little sigh, +born partly of relief, and partly of sorrow, that the opportunity was +gone, she turned to meet Dr. Van Anden, and was sent for a few moments +out into the light and glory of the departing day, to catch a bit of +its freshness. + +It was as the last midnight stroke of that long, long day was being +given, that they were gathered about the dying bed. Sadie was there, +solemn and awe-stricken. Mrs. Ried had arisen from her couch of +suffering, and nerved herself to be a support to the poor young wife. +Dr. Douglass, at the side of the sick man, kept anxious watch over +the fluttering pulse. Ester, on the other side, looked on in helpless +pity, and other friends of the Hollands were grouped about the room. +So they watched and waited for the swift down-coming of the angel of +death The death damp had gathered on his brow, the pulse seemed but +a faint tremble now and then, and those whose eyes were used to death +thought that his lips would never frame mortal sound again, when +suddenly the eyelids raised, and Mr. Holland, fixing a steady gaze +upon the eyes bent on him from the foot of the bed, whither Ester had +slipped to make more room for her mother and Mrs. Holland, said, in a +clear, distinct tone, one unmistakable word--"Pray!" + +Will Ester ever forget the start of terror which thrilled her frame as +she felt that look and heard that word? She cast a quick, frightened +glance around her of inquiry and appeal; but her mother and herself +were the only ones present whom she had reason to think ever prayed. +Could she, _would_ she, that gentle, timid, shrinking mother? But Mrs. +Ried was supporting the now almost fainting form of Mrs. Holland, and +giving anxious attention to her. "He says pray!" Sadie murmured, in +low, frightened tones. "Oh, where is Dr. Van Anden?" + +Ester knew he had been called in great haste to the house across the +way, and ere he could return, this waiting spirit might be gone--gone +without a word of prayer. Would Ester want to die so, with no voice to +cry for her to that listening Savior? But then no human being had +ever heard her pray. Could she?--must she? Oh, for Dr. Van Anden--a +Christian doctor! Oh, if that infidel stood anywhere but there, with +his steady hand clasping the fluttering pulse, with his cool, calm +eyes bent curiously on her--but Mr. Holland was dying; perhaps the +everlasting arms were not underneath him--and at this fearful thought, +Ester dropped upon her knees, giving utterance to her deepest need in +the first uttered words, "Oh, Holy Spirit, teach me just what to say!" +Her mother, listening with startled senses as the familiar voice fell +on her ear, could but think that _that_ petition was answered; and +Ester felt it in her very soul, Dr. Douglass, her mother, Sadie, all +of them were as nothing--there was only this dying man and Christ, and +she pleading that the passing soul might be met even now by the Angel +of the covenant. There were those in the room who never forgot that +prayer of Ester's. Dr. Van Anden, entering hastily, paused midway in +the room, taking in the scene in an instant of time, and then was +on his knees, uniting his silent petitions with hers. So fervent and +persistent was the cry for help, that even the sobs of the stricken +wife were hushed in awe, and only the watching doctor, with his finger +on the pulse, knew when the last fluttering beat died out, and the +death-angel pressed his triumphant seal on pallid lip and brow. + +"Dr. Van Anden," Ester said, as they stood together for a moment +the next morning, waiting in the chamber of death for Mrs. Ried's +directions--. "Was--Did he," with an inclination of her head toward +the silent occupant of the couch, "Did he ever think he was a +Christian?" + +The doctor bent on her a grave, sad look, and slowly shook his head. + +"Oh, Doctor! you can not think that he--" and Ester stopped, her face +blanching with the fearfulness of her thought. + +"Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" This was the +doctor's solemn answer. After a moment, he added: "Perhaps that one +eagerly-spoken word, 'Pray,' said as much to the ears of Him +whose thoughts are not as our thoughts, as did that old-time +petition--'Remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.'" + +Ester never forgot that and the following day, while the corpse of one +whom she had known so well lay in the house; and when she followed +him to the quiet grave, and watched the red and yellow autumn leaves +flutter down around his coffin--dead leaves, dead flowers, dead hopes, +death every-where--not just a going up higher, as Mr. Foster's death +had been--this was solemn and inexorable death. More than ever she +felt how impossible it was to call back the days that had slipped away +while she slept, and do their neglected duties. She had come for this, +full of hope; and now one of those whom she had met many times each +day for years, and never said Jesus to, was at this moment being +lowered into his narrow house, and, though God had graciously given +her an inch of time, and strength to use it, it was as nothing +compared with those wasted years, and she could never know, at least +never until the call came for her, whether or not at the eleventh hour +this "poor man cried, and the Lord heard him," and received him into +Paradise. + +Dr. Van Anden moved around to where she was standing, with tightly +clasped hands and colorless lips. He had been watching her, and this +was what he said: "Ester, shall you and I ever stand again beside a +new-made grave, receiving one whom we have known ever so slightly, and +have to settle with our consciences and our Savior, because we have +not invited that one to come to Jesus?" + +And Ester answered, with firmly-drawn lips "As that Savior hears me, +and will help me _never_!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +"LITTLE PLUM PIES." + + +Ester was in the kitchen trimming off the puffy crusts of endless +pies--the old brown calico morning dress, the same huge bib apron +which had been through endless similar scrapes with her--every thing +about her looking exactly as it had three months ago, and yet so far +as Ester and her future--yes, and the future of every one about +her was concerned, things were very different. Perhaps Sadie had a +glimmering of some strange change as she eyed her sister curiously, +and took note that there was a different light in her eye, and a sort +of smoothness on the quiet face that she had never noticed before. In +fact, Sadie missed some wrinkles which she had supposed were part and +parcel of Ester's self. + +"How I _did_ hate that part of it," she remarked, watching the fingers +that moved deftly around each completed sphere. "Mother said my edges +always looked as if a mouse had marched around them nibbling all the +way. My! how thoroughly I hate housekeeping. I pity the one who takes +me for better or worse--always provided there exists such a poor +victim on the face of the earth." + +"I don't think you hate it half so much as you imagine," Ester +answered kindly. "Any way you did nicely. Mother says you were a great +comfort to her." + +There was a sudden mist before Sadie's eyes. + +"Did mother say that?" she queried. "The blessed woman, what a very +little it takes to make a comfort for her. Ester, I declare to you, +if ever angels get into kitchens and pantries, and the like, mother +is one of them. The way she bore with my endless blunderings was +perfectly angelic. I'm glad, though, that her day of martyrdom is +over, and mine, too, for that matter." + +And Sadie, who had returned to the kingdom of spotless dresses and +snowy cuffs, and, above all, to the dear books and the academy, caught +at that moment the sound of the academy bell, and flitted away. Ester +filled the oven with pies, then went to the side doorway to get a +peep at the glowing world. It was the very perfection of a day--autumn +meant to die in wondrous beauty that year. Ester folded her bare arms +and gazed. She felt little thrills of a new kind of restlessness all +about her this morning. She wanted to do something grand, something +splendidly good. It was all very well to make good pies; she had done +that, given them the benefit of her highest skill in that line--now +they were being perfected in the oven, and she waited for something. +If ever a girl longed for an opportunity to show her colors, to honor +her leader, it was our Ester. Oh yes, she meant to do the duty that +lay next her, but she perfectly ached to have that next duty something +grand, something that would show all about her what a new life she had +taken on. + +Dr. Van Anden was tramping about in his room, over the side piazza, a +very unusual proceeding with him at that hour of the day; his windows +were open, and he was singing, and the fresh lake wind brought tune +and words right down to Ester's ear: + + "I would not have the restless will + That hurries to and fro, + Seeking for some great thing to do, + Or wondrous thing to know; + I would be guided as a child, + And led where'er I go. + + "I ask thee for the daily strength, + To none that ask denied, + A mind to blend with outward life, + While keeping at thy side; + Content to fill a little space + If thou be glorified." + +Of course Dr. Van Anden did not know that Ester Ried stood in the +doorway below, and was at that precise moment in need of just such +help as this; but then what mattered that, so long as the Master did? + +Just then another sense belonging to Ester did its duty, and gave +notice that the pies in the oven were burning; and she ran to their +rescue, humming meantime: + + "Content to fill a little space + If thou be glorified." + +Eleven o'clock found her busily paring potatoes--hurrying a little, +for in spite of swift, busy fingers their work was getting a little +the best of Maggie and her, and one pair of very helpful hands was +missing. + +Alfred and Julia appeared from somewhere in the outer regions, and +Ester was too busy to see that they both carried rather woe-begone +faces. + +"Hasn't mother got back yet?" queried Alfred. + +"Why, no," said Ester. "She will not be back until to-night--perhaps +not then. Didn't you know Mrs. Carleton was worse?" + +Alfred kicked his heels against the kitchen door in a most +disconsolate manner. + +"Somebody's always sick," he grumbled out at last. "A fellow might as +well not have a mother. I never saw the beat--nobody for miles around +here can have the toothache without borrowing mother. I'm just sick +and tired of it." + +Ester had nearly laughed, but catching a glimpse of the forlorn face, +she thought better of it, and said: + +"Something is awry now, I know. You never want mother in such a +hopeless way as that unless you're in trouble; so you see you are just +like the rest of them, every body wants mother when they are in any +difficulty." + +"But she is my mother, and I have a right to her, and the rest of 'em +haven't." + +"Well," said Ester, soothingly, "suppose I be mother this time. Tell +me what's the matter and I'll act as much like her as possible." + +"_You_!" And thereupon Alfred gave a most uncomplimentary sniff. +"Queer work you'd make of it." + +"Try me," was the good-natured reply. + +"I ain't going to. I know well enough you'd say 'fiddlesticks' or +'nonsense,' or some such word, and finish up with 'Just get out of my +way.'" + +Now, although Ester's cheeks were pretty red over this exact imitation +of her former ungracious self, she still answered briskly: + +"Very well, suppose I should make such a very rude and unmotherlike +reply, fiddlesticks and nonsense would not shoot you, would they?" + +At which sentence Alfred stopped kicking his heels against the door, +and laughed. + +"Tell us all about it," continued Ester, following up her advantage. + +"Nothing to tell, much, only all the folks are going a sail on the +lake this afternoon, and going to have a picnic in the grove, the very +last one before snow, and I meant to ask mother to let us go, only how +was I going to know that Mrs. Carleton would get sick and come away +down here after her before daylight; and I know she would have let +me go, too; and they're going to take things, a basketful each one of +'em--and they wanted me to bring little bits of pies, such as mother +bakes in little round tins, you know, plum pies, and she would have +made me some, I know; she always does; but now she's gone, and it's +all up, and I shall have to stay at home like I always do, just for +sick folks. It's mean, any how." + +Ester smothered a laugh over this curious jumble, and asked a humble +question: + +"Is there really nothing that would do for your basket but little bits +of plum pies?" + +"No," Alfred explained, earnestly. "Because, you see, they've got +plenty of cake and such stuff; the girls bring that, and they do like +my pies, awfully. I most always take 'em. Mr. Hammond likes them, +too; he's going along to take care of us, and I shouldn't like to go +without the little pies, because they depend upon them." + +"Oh," said Ester, "girls go, too, do they?" And she looked for the +first time at the long, sad face of Julia in the corner. + +"Yes, and Jule is in just as much trouble as I am, cause they are all +going to wear white dresses, and she's tore hers, and she says she +can't wear it till it's ironed, cause it looks like a rope, and Maggie +says she can't and won't iron it to-day, _so_; and mother was going +to mend it this very morning, and--. Oh, fudge! it's no use talking, +we've got to stay at home, Jule, so now." And the kicking heels +commenced again. + +Ester pared her last potato with a half troubled, half amused face. +She was thoroughly tired of baking for that day, and felt like saying +fiddlesticks to the little plum pies; and that white dress was torn +cris-cross and every way, and ironing was always hateful; besides it +_did_ seem strange that when she wanted to do some great, nice thing, +so much plum pies and torn dresses should step right into her path. +Then unconsciously she repeated: + + "Content to fill a _little_ space + If _Thou_ art glorified." + +_Could_ He be glorified, though, by such very little things? Yet +hadn't she wanted to gain an influence over Alfred and Julia, and +wasn't this her first opportunity; besides there was that verse: +"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do--." At that point her thoughts took +shape in words. + +"Well, sir, we'll see whether mother is the only woman in this world +after all. You tramp down cellar and bring me up that stone jar on the +second shelf, and we'll have those pies in the oven in a twinkling; +and that little woman in the corner, with two tears rolling down her +cheeks, may bring her white dress and my work-box and thimble, and put +two irons on the stove, and my word for it you shall both be ready by +three o'clock, spry and span, pies and all." + +By three o'clock on the afternoon in question Ester was thoroughly +tired, but little plum pies by the dozen were cuddling among snowy +napkins in the willow basket, and Alfred's face was radiant as he +expressed his satisfaction, after this fashion: + +"You're just jolly, Ester! I didn't know you could be so good. Won't +the boys chuckle over these pies, though? Ester, there's just seven +more than mother ever made me." + +"Very well," answered Ester, gayly; "then there will be just seven +more chuckles this time than usual." + +Julia expressed her thoughts in a way more like her. She surveyed +her skillfully-mended and beautifully smooth white dress with smiling +eyes; and as Ester tied the blue sash in a dainty knot, and stepped +back to see that all was as it should be, she was suddenly confronted +with this question: + +"Ester, what does make you so nice to-day; you didn't ever used to be +so?" + +How the blood rushed into Ester's cheeks as she struggled with her +desire to either laugh or cry, she hardly knew which. These were very +little things which she had done, and it was shameful that, in all the +years of her elder sisterhood, she had never sacrificed even so little +of her own pleasure before; yet it was true, and it made her feel like +crying--and yet there was rather a ludicrous side to the question, to +think that all her beautiful plans for the day had culminated in plum +pies and ironing. She stooped and kissed Julia on the rosy cheek, and +answered gently, moved by some inward impulse: + +"I am trying to do all my work for Jesus nowadays." + +"You didn't mend my dress and iron it, and curl my hair, and fix my +sash, for him, did you?" + +"Yes; every little thing." + +"Why, I don't see how. I thought you did them for me." + +"I did, Julia, to please you and make you happy; but Jesus says that +that is just the same as doing it for him." + +Julia's next question was very searching: + +"But, Ester, I thought you had been a member of the church a good +many years. Sadie said so. Didn't you ever try to do things for Jesus +before?" + +A burning blush of genuine shame mantled Ester's face, but she +answered quickly: + +"No; I don't think I ever really did." + +Julia eyed her for a moment with a look of grave wonderment, then +suddenly stood on tiptoe to return the kiss, as she said: + +"Well, I think it is nice, anyway. If Jesus likes to have you be so +kind and take so much trouble for me, why then he must love me, and I +mean to thank him this very night when I say my prayers." + +And as Ester rested for a moment in the arm-chair on the piazza, and +watched her little brother and sister move briskly off, she hummed +again those two lines that had been making unconscious music in her +heart all day: + + "Content to fill a _little_ space + If Thou be glorified." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + +CROSSES. + + +The large church was _very_ full; there seemed not to be another space +for a human being. People who were not much given to frequenting the +house of God on a week-day evening, had certainly been drawn thither +at this time. Sadie Ried sat beside Ester in their mother's pew, and +Harry Arnett, with a sober look on his boyish face, sat bolt upright +in the end of the pew, while even Dr. Douglass leaned forward with +graceful nonchalance from the seat behind them, and now and then +addressed a word to Sadie. + +These people had been listening to such a sermon as is very seldom +heard--that blessed man of God whose name is dear to hundreds and +thousands of people, whose hair is whitened with the frosts of many +a year spent in the Master's service, whose voice and brain and heart +are yet strong, and powerful, and "mighty through God," the Rev. Mr. +Parker, had been speaking to them, and his theme had been the soul, +and his text had been: "What shall it profit a man if he gain the +whole world and lose his own soul?" + +I hope I am writing for many who have had the honor of hearing that +appeal fresh from the great brain and greater heart of Mr. Parker. +Such will understand the spell under which his congregation sat even +after the prayer and hymn had died into silence. Now the gray-haired +veteran stood bending over the pulpit, waiting for the Christian +witnesses to the truth of his solemn messages; and for that he seemed +likely to wait. A few earnest men, veterans too in the cause, gave +in their testimony--and then occurred one of those miserable, +disheartening, disgraceful pauses which are met with nowhere on earth +among a company of intelligent men and women, with liberty given them +to talk, save in a prayer-meeting! Still silence, and still the aged +servant stood with one arm resting on the Bible, and looked down +almost beseechingly upon that crowd of dumb Christians. + +"Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord," he repeated, in earnest, +pleading tones. + +Miserable witnesses they! Was not the Lord ashamed of them all, I +wonder? Something like this flitted through Ester's brain as she +looked around upon that faithless company, and noted here and there +one who certainly ought to "take up his cross." Then some slight idea +of the folly of that expression struck her. What a fearful cross +it was, to be sure! What a strange idea to use the same word in +describing it that was used for that blood-stained, nail-pierced cross +on Calvary. Then a thought, very startling in its significance, came +to her. Was that cross borne only for men? were they the only ones +who had a thank-offering because of Calvary? Surely _her_ Savior hung +there, and bled, and groaned, and died for HER. Why should not she +say, "By his stripes _I_ am healed?" What if she should? What would +people think? No, not that either. What would Jesus think? that, after +all, was the important question. Did she really believe that if she +should say in the hearing of that assembled company, "I love Jesus," +that Jesus, looking down upon her, and hearing how her timid voice +broke the dishonoring silence, would be displeased, would set it down +among the long list of "ought not to have" dones? She tried to imagine +herself speaking to him in her closet after this manner: "Dear Savior, +I confess with shame that I have brought reproach upon thy name this +day, for I said, in the presence of a great company of witnesses, that +I loved thee!" In defiance of her education and former belief upon +this subject, Ester was obliged to confess, then and there, that +all this was extremely ridiculous. "Oh, well," said Satan, "it's not +exactly _wrong_, of course; but then it isn't very modest or ladylike; +and, besides, it is unnecessary. There are plenty of men to do the +talking." "But," said common sense, "I don't see why it's a bit more +unladylike than the ladies' colloquy at the lyceum was last evening. +There were more people present than are here tonight; and as for the +men, they are perfectly mum. There seems to be plenty of opportunity +for somebody." "Well," said Satan, "it isn't customary at least, and +people will think strangely of you. Doubtless it would do more harm +than good." + +This most potent argument, "People will think strangely of you," +smothered common sense at once, as it is apt to do, and Ester raised +her head from the bowed position which it had occupied during this +whirl of thought, and considered the question settled. Some one began +to sing, and of all the words that _could_ have been chosen, came the +most unfortunate ones for this decision: + + "On my head he poured his blessing, + Long time ago; + Now he calls me to confess him + Before I go. + My past life, all vile and hateful, + He saved from sin; + I should be the most ungrateful + Not to own him. + Death and hell he bade defiance, + Bore cross and pain; + Shame my tongue this guilty silence, + And speak his name." + +This at once renewed the struggle, but in a different form. She no +longer said, "Ought I?" but, "Can I?" Still the spell of silence +seemed unbroken save by here and there a voice, and still Ester +parleyed with her conscience, getting as far now as to say: "When +Mr. Jones sits down, if there is another silence, I will try to say +something"--not quite meaning, though, to do any such thing, and +proving her word false by sitting very still after Mr. Jones sat down, +though there was plenty of silence. Then when Mr. Smith said a few +words, Ester whispered the same assurance to herself, with exactly the +same result. The something _decided_ for which she had been longing, +the opportunity to show the world just where she stood, had come at +last, and this was the way in which she was meeting it. At last +she knew by the heavy thuds which her heart began to give, that the +question was decided, that the very moment Deacon Graves sat down she +would rise; whether she would say any thing or not would depend upon +whether God gave her any thing to say--but at least she could stand +up for Jesus. But Mr. Parker's voice followed Deacon Graves'; and this +was what he said: + +"Am I to understand by your silence that there is not a Christian man +or woman in all this company who has an unconverted friend whom he or +she would like to have us pray for?" + +Then the watching Angel of the Covenant came to the help of this +trembling, struggling Ester, and there entered into her heart such a +sudden and overwhelming sense of longing for Sadie's conversion, that +all thought of what she would say, and how she would say it, and +what people would think, passed utterly out of her mind; and rising +suddenly, she spoke, in clear and wonderfully earnest tones: + +"Will you pray for a dear, dear friend?" + +God sometimes uses very humble means with which to break the spell of +silence which Satan so often weaves around Christians; it was as if +they had all suddenly awakened to a sense of their privileges. + +Dr. Van Anden said, in a voice which quivered with feeling: "I have +a brother in the profession for whom I ask your prayers that he may +become acquainted with the great Physician." + +Request followed request for husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, +and children. Even timid, meek-faced, low-voiced Mrs. Ried murmured +a request for her children who were out of Christ. And when at last +Harry Arnett suddenly lifted his handsome boyish head from its bowed +position, and said in tones which conveyed the sense of a decision, +"Pray for _me_" the last film of worldliness vanished; and there are +those living to-day who have reason never to forget that meeting. + +"Is it your private opinion that our good doctor got up a streak of +disinterested enthusiasm over my unworthy self this evening?" This +question Dr. Douglass asked of Sadie as they lingered on the piazza in +the moonlight. + +Sadie laughed gleefully. "I am sure I don't know. I'm prepared for any +thing strange that can possibly happen. Mother and Ester between them +have turned the world upside down for me to-night. In case you are the +happy man, I hope you are grateful?" + +"Extremely! Should be more so perhaps if people would be just to me in +private, and not so alarmingly generous in public." + +"How bitter you are against Dr. Van Anden," Sadie said, watching the +lowering brow and sarcastic curve of the lip, with curious eyes. "How +much I should like to know precisely what is the trouble between you!" + +Dr. Douglass instantly recovered his suavity. "Do I appear bitter? +I beg your pardon for exhibiting so ungentlemanly a phase of human +nature; yet hypocrisy does move me to--" And then occurred one of +those sudden periods with which Dr. Douglass always seemed to stop +himself when any thing not quite courteous was being said. "Just +forget that last sentence," he added. "It was unwise and unkind; the +trouble between us is not worthy of a thought of yours. I wish I could +forget it. I believe I could if he would allow me." + +At this particular moment the subject of the above conversation +appeared in the door. Sadie gave a slight start; the thought that +Dr. Van Anden had heard the talk was not pleasant. She need not have +feared, he had just come from his room, and from his knees. + +He spoke abruptly and with a touch of nervousness: "Dr. Douglass, may +I have a few words with you in private?" + +Dr. Douglass' "Certainly, if Miss Sadie will excuse us," was both +prompt and courteous apparently, though the tone said almost as +plainly as words could have done, "To what can I be indebted for this +honor?" + +Dr. Van Anden led the way into the brightly lighted vacant parlor; +and there Dr. Douglass stationed himself directly under the gas light, +where he could command a full view of the pale, somewhat anxious face +of his companion, and waited with that indescribable air made up of +nonchalance and insolence. Dr. Van Anden dashed into his subject: + +"Dr. Douglass, ten years ago you did what you could to injure me. I +thought then purposely, I think now that perhaps you were sincere. Be +that as it may, I used language to you then, which I, as a Christian +man, ought never to have used. I have repented it long ago, but in my +blindness I have never seen that I ought to apologize to you for it +until this evening. God has shown me my duty. Dr. Douglass, I ask your +pardon for the angry words I spoke to you that day." + +The gentleman addressed kept his full bright eyes fixed on Dr. Van +Anden, and answered him in the quietest and at the same time iciest of +tones: + +"You are certainly very kind, now that your anger has had time to cool +during these ten years, to accord to me the merit of being _possibly_ +sincere. Now I was more _Christian_ in my conclusions; I set you down +as an honest blunderer. That I have had occasion since to change my +opinion is nothing to the purpose but it would be pleasanter for both +of us if apologies could restore our friend, Mrs. Lyons to life." + +During this response Dr. Van Anden's face was a study. It had passed +in quick succession through so many shades of feeling, anxiety, anger, +disgust, and finally surprise, and apparently a dawning sense of a new +development, for he made the apparently irrelevant reply: + +"Do you think _I_ administered that chloroform?" + +Dr. Douglass' coolness forsook him for a moment "Who did?" he queried, +with flashing eyes. + +"Dr. Gilbert." + +"Dr. Gilbert?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"How does it happen that I never knew it?" + +"I am sure I do not know." Dr. Van Anden passed his hand across his +eyes, and spoke in sadness and weariness. "I had no conception that +you were not aware of it until this moment. It explains in part what +was strangely mysterious to me; but even in that case, it would have +been, as you said, a blunder, not a criminal act However, we can not +undo _that_ past. I desire, above all other things, to set myself +right in your eyes as a Christian man. I think I may have been a +stumbling-block to you. God only knows how bitter is the thought I +have done wrong; I should have acknowledged it years ago. I can +only do it now. Again I ask you. Dr. Douglass, will you pardon those +bitterly spoken words of mine?" + +Dr. Douglass bowed stiffly, with an increase of hauteur visible in +every line of his face. + +"Give yourself no uneasiness on that score, Dr. Van Anden, nor on any +other, I beg you, so far as I am concerned. My opinion of Christianity +is peculiar perhaps, but has not altered of late; nor is it likely to +do so. Of course, every gentleman is bound to accept the apology +of another, however tardily it may be offered. Shall I bid you +good-evening, sir?" + +And with a very low, very dignified bow, Dr. Douglass went back to +the piazza and Sadie. And groaning in spirit over the tardiness of his +effort, Dr. Van Anden returned to his room, and prayed that he might +renew his zeal and his longing for the conversion of that man's soul. + +"Have you been receiving a little fraternal advice?" queried Sadie, +her mischievous eyes dancing with fun over the supposed discomfiture +of one of the two gentlemen, she cared very little which. + +"Not at all. On the contrary, I have been giving a little of that +mixture in a rather unpalatable form, I fear. I haven't a very high +opinion of the world, Miss Sadie." + +"Including yourself, do you mean?" was Sadie's demure reply. + +Dr. Douglass looked the least bit annoyed; then he laughed, and +answered with quiet grace: + +"Yes, including even such an important individual as myself. However, +I have one merit which I consider very rare--sincerity." + +Sadie's face assumed a half puzzled, half amused expression, as she +tried by the moonlight to give a searching look at the handsome form +leaning against the pillar opposite her. + +"I wonder if you _are_ as sincere as you pretend to be?" was her next +complimentary sentence. "And also I wonder if the rest of the world +are as unlimited a set of humbugs as you suppose? How do you fancy you +happened to escape getting mixed up with the general humbugism of the +world? This Mr. Parker, now, talks as though he felt it and meant it." + +"He is a first-class fanatic of the most outrageous sort. There +ought to be a law forbidding such ranters to hold forth, on pain of +imprisonment for life." + +"Dr. Douglass," said Sadie, speaking with grave dignity, "I would +rather not hear you speak of that old gentleman in such a manner. He +may be a fanatic and a ranter, but I believe he means it, and I can't +help respecting him more than any cold-blooded moralist that I ever +met. Besides, I can not forget that my honored father was among the +despised class of whom you speak so scornfully." + +"My dear friend," and Dr. Douglass' tone was as gentle as her +mother's could have been, "forgive me if I have pained you; it was not +intentional. I do not know what I have been saying--some unkind things +perhaps, and that is always ungentlemanly; but I have been greatly +disturbed this evening, and that must be my apology. Pardon me +for detaining you so long in the evening air. May I advise you, +professionally, to go in immediately?" + +"May I advise you unselfishly to get into a better humor with +the world in general, and Dr. Van Anden in particular, before you +undertake to talk with a lady again?" Sadie answered in her usual +tones of raillery; all her dignity had departed. "Meantime, if you +would like to have unmolested possession of this piazza to assist you +in tramping off your evil spirit, you shall be indulged. I'm going to +the west side. The evening air and I are excellent friends." And with +a mocking laugh and bow Sadie departed. + +"I wonder," she soliloquized, returning to gravity the moment she was +alone, "I wonder what that man has been saying to him now? How unhappy +these two gentlemen make themselves. It would be a consolation to know +right from wrong. I just wish I believed in everybody as I used +to. The idea of this gray-headed minister being a hypocrite! that's +absurd. But then the idea of Dr. Van Anden being what he is! Well, +it's a queer world. I believe I'll go to bed." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + +GOD'S WAY. + + +Be it understood that Dr. Douglass was very much astonished, and not a +little disgusted with himself. As he marched defiantly up and down +the long piazza he tried to analyze his state of mind. He had always +supposed himself to be a man possessed of keen powers of discernment, +and yet withal exercising considerable charity toward his erring +fellow-men, willing to overlook faults and mistakes, priding himself +not a little on the kind and gentlemanly way in which he could meet +ruffled human nature of any sort. In fact, he dwelt on a sort of +pedestal, from the hight of which he looked calmly and excusingly +down on weaker mortals. This, until to-night: now he realized, in a +confused, blundering sort of way, that his pedestal had crumbled, or +that he had tumbled from its hight, or at least that something new and +strange had happened. For instance, what had become of his powers of +discernment? Here was this miserable doctor, who had been one of +the thorns of his life, whom he had looked down upon as a canting +hypocrite. Was he, after all, mistaken? The explanation of to-night +looked like it; he had been deceived in that matter which had years +ago come between them; he could see it very plainly now. In spite +of himself, the doctor's earnest, manly apology would come back and +repeat itself to his brain, and demand admiration. + +Now Dr. Douglass was honestly amazed at himself, because he was not +pleased with this state of things. Why was he not glad to discover +that Dr. Van Anden was more of a man than he had ever supposed? This +would certainly be in keeping with the character of the courteous, +unprejudiced gentleman that he had hitherto considered himself to be; +but there was no avoiding the fact that the very thought of Dr. Van +Anden was exasperating, more so this evening than ever before. And +the more his judgment became convinced that he had blundered, the more +vexed did he become. + +"Confound everybody!" he exclaimed at length, in utter disgust. "What +on earth do I care for the contemptible puppy, that I should waste +thought on him. What possessed the fellow to come whining around me +to-night, and set me in a whirl of disagreeable thought? I ought to +have knocked him down for his insufferable impudence in dragging me +out publicly in that meeting." This he said aloud; but something made +answer down in his heart: "Oh, it's very silly of you to talk in this +way. You know perfectly well that Dr. Van Anden is not a contemptible +puppy at all. He is a thoroughly educated, talented physician, a +formidable rival, and you know it; and he didn't whine in the least +this evening; he made a very manly apology for what was not so very +bad after all, and you more than half suspect yourself of admiring +him." + +"Fiddlesticks!" said Dr. Douglass aloud to all this information, and +went off to his room in high dudgeon. + +The next two days seemed to be very busy ones to one member of +the Ried family. Dr. Douglass sometimes appeared at meal time and +sometimes not, but the parlor and the piazza were quite deserted, +and even his own room saw little of him. Sadie, when she chanced by +accident to meet him on the stairs, stopped to inquire if the village +was given over to small-pox, or any other dire disease which required +his constant attention; and he answered her in tones short and sharp +enough to have been Dr. Van Anden himself: + +"It is given over to madness," and moved rapidly on. + +This encounter served to send him on a long tramp into the woods +that very afternoon. In truth, Dr. Douglass was overwhelmed with +astonishment at himself. Two such days and nights as the last had been +he hoped never to see again. It was as if all his pet theories had +deserted him at a moment's warning, and the very spirit of darkness +taken up his abode in their place. Go whither he would, do what he +would, he was haunted by these new, strange thoughts. Sometimes he +actually feared that he, at least, was losing his mind, whether the +rest of the world were or not. Being an utter unbeliever in the power +of prayer, knowing indeed nothing at all about it, he would have +scoffed at the idea that Dr. Van Anden's impassioned, oft-repeated +petitions had aught to do with him at this time. Had he known that +at the very time in which he was marching through the dreary woods, +kicking the red and yellow leaves from his path in sullen gloom, Ester +in her little clothes-press, on her knees, was pleading with God for +his soul, and that through him Sadie might be reached, I presume he +would have laughed. The result of this long communion with himself was +as follows: That he had overworked and underslept, that his nervous +system was disordered, that in the meantime he had been fool enough +to attend that abominable sensation meeting, and the man actually had +wonderful power over the common mind, and used his eloquence in a way +that was quite calculated to confuse a not perfectly balanced brain. +It was no wonder, then, in his state of bodily disorder, that the +sympathetic mind should take the alarm. So much for the disease, now +for the remedy. He would study less, at least he would stop reading +half the night away; he would begin to practice some of his own +preaching, and learn to be more systematic, more careful of this +wonderful body, which could cause so much suffering; he would ride +fast and long; above all, he would keep away from that church and that +man, with his fanciful pictures and skillfully woven words. + +Having determined his plan of action he felt better. There was no +sense, he told himself, in yielding to the sickly sentimentalism which +had bewitched him for the past few days; he was ashamed of it, and +would have no more of it. He was master of his own mind, he guessed, +always had been, and always _would_ be. And he started on his homeward +walk with a good deal of alacrity, and much of his usual composure +settling on his face. + +Oh, would the gracious Spirit which had been struggling with him leave +him indeed to himself? "O God," pleaded Ester, "give me this one +soul in answer to my prayer. For the sake of Sadie, bring this strong +pillar obstructing her way to thyself. For the sake of Jesus, who died +for them both, bring them both to yield to him." + +Dr. Douglass paused at the place where two roads forked and mused, and +the subject of his musing was no more important than this: Should he +go home by the river path or through the village? The river path was +the longer, and it was growing late, nearly tea time; but if he took +the main road he would pass his office, where he was supposed to be, +as well as several houses where he ought to have been, besides meeting +probably several people whom he would rather not see just at present. +On the whole, he decided to take the river road, and walked briskly +along, quite in harmony with himself once more, and enjoying the +autumn beauty spread around him. A little white speck attracted his +attention; he almost stopped to examine into it, then smiled at his +curiosity, and moved on. "A bit of waste paper probably," he said to +himself. "Yet what a curious shape it was as if it had been carefully +folded and hidden under that stone. Suppose I see what it is? Who +knows but I shall find a fortune hidden in it?" He turned back a step +or two, and stooped for the little white speck. One corner of it was +nestled under a stone. It was a ragged, rumpled, muddy fragment of a +letter, or an essay, which rain and wind and water had done their +best to annihilate, and finally, seeming to become weary of their +plaything, had tossed it contemptuously on the shore, and a pitying +stone had rolled down and covered and preserved a tiny corner. Dr. +Douglass eyed it curiously, trying to decipher the mud-stained lines, +and being in a dreamy mood wondered meanwhile what young, fair hand +had penned the words, and what of joy or sadness filled them. +Scarcely a word was readable, at least nothing that would gratify his +curiosity, until he turned the bit of leaf, and the first line, which +the stone had hidden, shone out distinctly: "Sometimes I can not help +asking myself why I was made--." Here the corner was torn off, and +whether that was the end of the original sentence or not, it was +the end to him. God sometimes uses very simple means with which to +confound the wisdom of this world. Such a sudden and extraordinary +revulsion of feeling as swept over Dr. Douglass he had never dreamed +of before. He did not stop to question the strangeness of his state of +mind, nor why that bit of soiled, torn paper should possess so fearful +a power over him. He did not even realize at the moment that it was +connected with this bewilderment, he only knew that the foundation +upon which he had been building for years seemed suddenly to have +been torn from under him by invisible hands, and left his feet sinking +slowly down on nothing; and his inmost soul took suddenly up that +solemn question with which he had never before troubled his logical +brain: "I can not help asking myself why I was made?" There was only +one other readable word on that paper, turn it whichever way he would, +and that word was "God;" and he started and shivered when his eye met +this, as if some awful voice had spoken it to his ear. + +"What unaccountable witchcraft has taken possession of me?" he +muttered, at length. And turning suddenly he sat himself down on +an old decaying log by the river side, and gave himself up to real, +honest, solemn thought. + +"Where is Dr. Douglass?" queried Julia, appearing at the dining-room +door just at tea time. "There is a boy at the door says they want him +at Judge Beldon's this very instant." + +"He's _nowhere_" answered Sadie solemnly, pausing in the work of +arranging cups and saucers. "It's my private opinion that he has been +and gone and hung himself. He passed the window about one o'clock, +looking precisely as I should suppose a man would who was about to +commit that interesting act, since which time I've answered the bell +seventeen times to give the same melancholy story of his whereabouts." + +"My!" exclaimed the literal Julia, hurrying back to the boy at the +door. She comprehended her sister sufficiently to have no faith in the +hanging statement, but honestly believed in the seventeen sick people +who were waiting for the doctor. + +The church was very full again that evening. Sadie had at first +declared herself utterly unequal to another meeting that week, but +had finally allowed herself to be persuaded into going; and had nearly +been the cause of poor Julia's disgrace because of the astonished look +which she assumed as Dr. Douglass came down the aisle, with his usual +quiet composure of manner, and took the seat directly in front of +them. The sermon was concluded. The text: "See I have set before thee +this day life and good, death and evil," had been dwelt upon in such a +manner that it seemed to some as if the aged servant of God had verily +been shown a glimpse of the two unseen worlds waiting for every soul, +and was painting from actual memory the picture for them to look upon. +That most solemn of all solemn hymns had just been sung: + + "There is a time, we know not when + A point, we know not where, + That marks the destiny of men + 'Twixt glory and despair. + + "There is a line, by us unseen, + That crosses every path, + The hidden boundary between + God's mercy and his wrath." + +Silence had but fairly settled on the waiting congregation when a +strong, firm voice broke in upon it, and the speaker said: + +"I believe in my soul that I have met that point and crossed that line +this day. I surely met God's mercy and his wrath, face to face, and +struggled in their power. Your hymn says, 'To cross that boundary is +to die;' but I thank God that there are two sides to it. I feel that +I have been standing on the very line, that my feet had well-nigh +slipped. To-night I step over on to mercy's side. Reckon me henceforth +among those who have chosen life." + +"Amen," said the veteran minister, with radiant face. + +"Thank God," said the earnest pastor, with quivering lip. + +Two heads were suddenly bowed in the silent ecstasy of prayer--they +were Ester's and Dr. Van Anden's. As for Sadie, she sat straight and +still as if petrified with amazement, as she well-nigh felt herself to +be, for the strong, firm voice belonged to Dr. Douglass! + +An hour later Dr. Van Anden was pacing up and down the long parlor, +with quick, excited steps, waiting for he hardly knew what, when a +shadow fell between him and the gaslight. He glanced up suddenly, and +his eyes met Dr. Douglass, who had placed himself in precisely the +same position in which he had stood when they had met there before. +Dr. Van Anden started forward, and the two gentlemen clasped hands +as they had never in their lives done before. Dr. Douglass broke the +beautiful silence first with earnestly spoken words: + +"Doctor, will you forgive all the past?" + +And Dr. Van Anden answered: "Oh, my brother in Christ!" + +As for Ester, she prayed, in her clothes-press, thankfully for Dr. +Douglass, more hopefully for Sadie, and knew not that a corner of the +poor little letter which had slipped from Julia's hand and floated +down the stream one summer morning, thereby causing her such a +miserable, _miserable_ day, was lying at that moment in Dr. Douglass' +note-book, counted as the most precious of all his precious bits of +paper. Verily "His ways are not as our ways." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + +SADIE SURROUNDED. + + +"Oh," said Sadie, with a merry toss of her brown curls, "_don't_ waste +any more precious breath over me, I beg. I'm an unfortunate case, not +worth struggling for. Just let me have a few hours of peace once more. +If you'll promise not to say 'meeting' again to me, I'll promise not +to laugh at you once after this long drawn-out spasm of goodness has +quieted, and you have each descended to your usual level once more." + +"Sadie," said Ester, in a low, shocked tone, "_do_ you think we are +all hypocrites, and mean not a bit of this?" + +"By _no_ means, my dear sister of charity, at least not all of you. +I'm a firm believer in diseases of all sorts. This is one of the +violent kind of highly contagious diseases; they must run their +course, you know. I have not lived in the house with two learned +physicians all this time without learning that fact, but I consider +this very nearly at its height, and live in hourly expectation of the +'turn.' But, my dear, I don't think you need worry about me in the +least. I don't believe I'm a fit subject for such trouble. You know +I never took whooping-cough nor measles, though I have been exposed a +great many times." + +To this Ester only replied by a low, tremulous, "Don't, Sadie, +please." + +Sadie turned a pair of mirthful eyes upon her for a moment, and noting +with wonder the pale, anxious face and quivering lip of her sister, +seemed suddenly sobered. + +"Ester," she said quietly, "I don't think you are 'playing good;' I +_don't_ positively. I believe you are thoroughly in earnest, but I +think you have been through some very severe scenes of late, sickness +and watching, and death, and your nerves are completely unstrung. I +don't wonder at your state of feeling, but you will get over it in a +little while, and be yourself again." + +"Oh," said Ester, tremulously, "I pray God I may _never_ be myself +again; not the old self that you mean." + +"You will," Sadie answered, with roguish positiveness. "Things will +go cross-wise, the fire won't burn, and the kettle won't boil, and the +milk-pitcher will tip over, and all sorts of mischievous things will +go on happening after a little bit, just as usual, and you will feel +like having a general smash up of every thing in spite of all these +meetings." + +Ester sighed heavily. The old difficulty again--things would not be +undone. The weeds which she had been carelessly sowing during all +these past years had taken deep root, and would not give place. After +a moment's silence she spoke again. + +"Sadie, answer me just one question. What do you think of Dr. +Douglass?" + +Sadie's face darkened ominously. "Never mind what I think of _him_," +she answered in short, sharp tones, and abruptly left the room. + +What she _did_ think of him was this: That he had become that which +he had affected to consider the most despicable thing on earth--a +hypocrite. Remember, she had no personal knowledge of the power of +the Spirit of God over a human soul. She had no conception of how so +mighty a change could be wrought in the space of a few hours, so her +only solution of the mystery was that to serve some end which he had +in view Dr. Douglass had chosen to assume a new character. + +Later, on that same day, Sadie encountered Dr. Douglass, rather, she +went to the side piazza equipped for a walk, and he came eagerly from +the west end to speak with her. + +"Miss Sadie, I have been watching for you. I have a few words that are +burning to be said." + +"Proceed," said Sadie, standing with demurely folded hands, and a mock +gravity in her roguish eyes. + +"I want to do justice at this late day to Dr. Van Anden. I misjudged +him, wronged him, perhaps prejudiced you against him. I want to undo +my work." + +"Some things can be done more easily than they can be undone," was +Sadie's grave and dignified reply. "You certainly have done your best +to prejudice me against Dr. Van Anden not only, but against all +other persons who hold his peculiar views, and you have succeeded +splendidly. I congratulate you." + +That look of absolute pain which she had seen once or twice on this +man's face, swept over it now as he answered her. + +"I know--I have been blind and stupid, _wicked_ any thing you will. +Most bitterly do I regret it now; most eager am I to make reparation." + +Sadie's only answer was: "What a capital actor you would make, Dr. +Douglass. Are you sure you have not mistaken your vocation?" + +"I know what you think of me." This with an almost quivering lip, and +a voice strangely humble and as unlike as possible to any which she +had ever heard from Dr. Douglass before. "You think I am playing a +part. Though what my motive could be I can not imagine, can you? But I +do solemnly assure you that if ever I was sincere in any thing in all +my life I am now concerning this matter." + +"There is a most unfortunate 'if' in the way, Doctor. You see, the +trouble is, I have very serious doubts as to whether you ever were +sincere in any thing in your life. As to motives, a first-class +anybody likes to try his power. You will observe that 'I have a very +poor opinion of the world.'" + +The Doctor did not notice the quotation of his favorite expression, +but answered with a touch of his accustomed dignity: + +"I may have deserved this treatment at your hands, Miss Sadie. +Doubtless I have, although I am not conscious of ever having said to +you any thing which I did not _think_ I _meant_. I have been a _fool_. +I am willing--yes, and anxious to own it. But there are surely some +among your acquaintances whom you can trust if you can not me. I--" + +Sadie interrupted him. "For instance, that 'first-class fanatic of the +most objectionable stamp,' the man who Dr. Douglass thought, not three +days ago, ought to be bound by law to keep the peace. I suppose you +would have me unhesitatingly receive every word he says?" + +Dr. Douglass' face brightened instantly, and he spoke eagerly: + +"I remember those words, Miss Sadie, and just how honestly I spoke +them, and just how bitterly I felt when I spoke them, and I have no +more sure proof that this thing is of God than I have in noting the +wonderful change which has come over my feelings in regard to that +blessed man. I pray God that he may be permitted to speak to your soul +with the tremendous power that he has to mine. Oh, Sadie, I have led +you astray, may I not help you back?" + +"I am not a weather-vane, Dr. Douglass, to be whirled about by every +wind of expediency; besides I am familiar with one verse in the Bible, +of which you seem never to have heard: Whatsoever a man soweth, that +shall he also reap. You have sowed well and faithfully; be content +with your harvest." + +I do not know what the pale, grave lips would have answered to this +mocking spirit, for at that moment Dr. Van Anden and the black ponies +whizzed around the corner, and halted before the gate. + +"Sadie," said the doctor, "are you in the mood for a ride? I have five +miles to drive." + +"Dr. Van Anden," answered Sadie, promptly, "the last time you and I +took a ride together we quarreled." + +"Precisely," said the Doctor, bowing low. "Let us take another now and +make up." + +"Very well," was the gleeful answer which he received, and in another +minute they were off. + +For the first mile or two he kept a tight rein, and let the ponies +skim over the ground in the liveliest fashion, during which time +very little talking was done. After that he slackened his speed, and +leaning back in the carriage addressed himself to Sadie: + +"Now we are ready to make up." + +"How shall we commence?" asked Sadie, gravely. + +"Who quarreled?" answered the Doctor, sententiously. + +"Well," said Sadie, "I understand what you are waiting for. You think +I was very rude and unladylike in my replies to you during that +last interesting ride we took. You think I jumped at unwarrantable +conclusions, and used some unnecessarily sharp words. I think so +myself, and if it will be of any service to you to know it, I don't +mind telling you in the least." + +"That is a very excellent beginning," answered the Doctor, heartily. +"I think we shall have no difficulty in getting the matter all settled +Now, for my part, it won't sound as well as yours, because however +blunderingly I may have said what I did, I said it honestly, in good +faith, and with a good and pure motive. But I am glad to be able to +say in equal honesty that I believe I was over-cautious, that Dr. +Douglass was never so little worthy of regard as I supposed him to +be, and that nothing could have more rejoiced my heart than the noble +stand which he has so recently taken. Indeed his conduct has been so +noble that I feel honored by his acquaintance." + +He was interrupted by a mischievous laugh. + +"A mutual admiration society," said Sadie, in her most mocking tone. +"Did you and Dr. Douglass have a private rehearsal? You interrupted +him in a similar rhapsody over your perfections." + +Instead of seeming annoyed, Dr. Van Anden's face glowed with pleasure. + +"Did he explain to you our misunderstanding?" he asked, eagerly. "That +was very noble in him." + +"Of _course_. He is the soul of nobility--a villain yesterday and +a saint to-day. I don't understand such marvelously rapid changes, +Doctor." + +"I know you don't," the Doctor answered quietly. "Although you have +exaggerated both terms, yet there is a great and marvelous change, +which must be experienced to be understood. Will you never seek it for +yourself, Sadie?" + +"I presume I never shall, as I very much doubt the existence of any +such phenomenon." + +The Doctor appeared neither shocked nor surprised, but favored her +with a cool and quiet reply: + +"Oh, no, you don't doubt it in the least. Don't try to make yourself +out that foolish and unreasonable creature--an unbeliever in what is +as clear to a thinking mind as is the sun at noonday. You and I have +no need to enter into an argument concerning this matter. You have +seen some unwise and inconsistent acts in many who are called by the +name of Christian. You imagine that they have staggered your belief +in the verity of the thing itself. Yet it is not so. You had a dear +father who lived and died in the faith, and you no more doubt the fact +that he is in heaven to-day, brought there by the power of the Savior +in whom he trusted, than you doubt your own existence at this moment." + +Sadie sat silenced and grave; she was very rarely either, perhaps. Dr. +Van Anden was the one person who could have thus subdued her, but +in her inmost heart she felt his words to be true; that dear, _dear_ +father, whose weary suffering life had been one long evidence to the +truth of the religion which he professed--yes, it was so, she no more +doubted that he was at this moment in that blessed heaven toward which +his hopes had so constantly tended, than she doubted the shining of +that day's sun--so he, being dead, yet spoke to her. Besides, her keen +judgment had, of late, settled back upon the belief that Dr. Van Anden +lived a life that would bear watching--a true, earnest, manly life; +also, that he was a man not likely to be deceived. So, sitting back +there in the carriage, and appearing to look at nothing, and be +interested in nothing, she allowed herself to take in again the +firm conviction that whatever most lives were, there was always that +father--safe, _safe_ in the Christian's heaven--and there were besides +some few, a very few, she thought; but there were _some_ still living, +whom she knew, yes, actually _knew_, were fitting for that same +far-away, safe place. No, Sadie had stood upon the brink, was standing +there still, indeed; but reason and the long-buried father still kept +her from toppling over into the chasm of settled unbelief. "Blessed +are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the +Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do +follow them." + +But something must be said. Sadie was not going to sit there and allow +Dr. Van Anden to imagine that she was utterly quieted and conquered; +she would rather quarrel with him than have that. He had espoused Dr. +Douglass' cause so emphatically, let him argue for him now; there was +nothing like a good sharp argument to destroy the effect of unpleasant +personal questions--so she blazed into sudden indignation: + +"I think Dr. Douglass is a hypocrite!" + +Nothing could have been more composed than the tone in which she was +answered: + +"Very well. What then?" + +This question was difficult to answer, and Sadie remaining silent, her +companion continued: + +"Mr. Smith is a drunkard; therefore I will be a thief. Is that Miss +Sadie Ried's logic?" + +"I don't see the point." + +"Don't you? Wasn't that exclamation concerning Dr. Douglass a bit of +hiding behind the supposed sin of another--a sort of a reason why you +were not a Christian, because somebody else pretended to be? Is that +sound logic, Sadie? When your next neighbor in class peeps in her +book, and thereby disgraces herself, and becomes a hypocrite, do +you straightway declare that you will study no more? You see it is +fashionable, in talking of this matter of religion, to drag out the +shortcomings and inconsistencies of others, and try to make of them +a garment to covet our own sins; but it is very senseless, after all, +and you will observe is never done in the discussion of any other +question." + +Clearly, Sadie must talk in a common-sense way with this +straightforward man, if she talked at all. Her resolution was suddenly +taken, to say for once just what she meant; and a very grave and +thoughtful pair of eyes were raised to meet the doctor's when next she +spoke. + +"I think of these things sometimes, doctor, and though a great deal +of it seems to be humbug, it is as you say--I know _some_ are sincere, +and I know there is a right way. I have been more than half tempted +many times during the last few weeks to discover for myself the secret +of power, but I am deterred by certain considerations, which you +would, doubtless, think very absurd, but which, joined with the +inspiration which I receive from the ridiculous inconsistencies of +others, have been sufficient to deter me hitherto." + +"Would you mind telling me some of the considerations?" + +And the moment Sadie began to talk honestly, the doctor's tones lost +their half-indifferent coolness, and expressed a kind and thoughtful +interest. + +"No," she said, hesitatingly. "I don't know that I need, but you will +not understand them; for instance, if I were a Christian I should have +to give up one of my favorite amusements--almost a passion, you know, +dancing is with me, and I am not ready to yield it." + +"Why should you feel obliged to do so if you were a Christian?" + +Sadie gave him the benefit of a very searching look. "Don't _you_ +think I would be?" she queried, after a moment's silence. + +"I haven't said what I thought on that subject, but I feel sure that +it is not the question for you to decide at present; first settle the +all-important one of your personal acceptation of Christ, and then +it will be time to decide the other matter, for or against, as your +conscience may dictate." + +"Oh, but," said Sadie, positively, "I know very well what my +conscience would dictate, and I am not ready for it." + +"Isn't dancing an innocent amusement?" + +"For _me_ yes, but not for a Christian." + +"Does the Bible lay down one code of laws for you and another for +Christians?" + +"I think so--it says, 'Be not conformed to the world.'" + +"Granted; but does it anywhere say to those who are of the world, +'_You_ have a right to do just what you like; that direction does not +apply to you at all, it is all intended for those poor Christians?'" + +"Dr. Van Anden," said Sadie with dignity, "don't you think there +should be a difference between Christians and those who are not?" + +"Undoubtedly I do. Do _you_ think that every person ought or ought +_not_ to be a Christian?" + +Sadie was silent, and a little indignant. After a moment she spoke +again, this time with a touch of hauteur: + +"I think you understand what I mean, Doctor, though you would not +admit it for the world. I don't suppose I feel very deeply on the +subject, else I would not advance so trivial an excuse; but this is +honestly my state of mind. Whenever I think about the matter at +all, this thing comes up for consideration. I think it would be very +foolish for me to argue against dancing, for I don't know much about +the arguments, and care less. I know only this much, that there is a +very distinctly defined inconsistency between a profession of religion +and dancing, visible very generally to the eyes of those who make no +profession; the other class don't seem so able to see it; but there +exists very generally among us worldlings a disposition to laugh +a little over dancing Christians. Whether this is a well-founded +inconsistency, or only a foolish prejudice on our part, I have never +taken the trouble to try to determine, and it would make little +material difference which it was--it is enough for me that such is +the case; and it makes it very plain to me that if I were an honest +professor of that religion which leads one of its teachers to say, +'He will eat no meat while the world stands if it makes his brother to +offend,' I should be obliged to give up my dancing. But since I am +not one of that class, and thus have no such influence, I can see no +possible harm in my favorite amusement, and am not ready to give it +up; and that is what I mean by its being innocent for me, and not +innocent for professing Christians." + +Dr. Van Anden made no sort of reply, if Sadie could judge from his +face; he seemed to have grown weary of the whole subject; he leaned +back in his carriage, and let the reins fall loosely and carelessly. +His next proceeding was most astounding; coolly possessing himself of +one of the small gloved hands that lay idly in Sadie's lap, he said, +in a quiet, matter-of-fact tone: "Sadie, would you allow me to put my +arm around you?" + +In an instant the indignant blood surged in waves over Sadie's face; +the hand was angrily withdrawn, and the graceful form drawn to an +erect hight, and it is impossible to describe the freezing tone of +astonished indignation in which she ejaculated, "Dr. Van Anden!" + +"Just what I expected," returned that gentleman in a composed manner, +bestowing a look of entire satisfaction upon his irate companion. "And +yet, Sadie, I hope you will pardon my obtuseness, but I positively +can not see why, if it is proper and courteous, and all that sort of +thing, I, who am a friend of ten years' standing, should not enjoy +the same privilege which you accord to Fred Kenmore, to whom you were +introduced last week, and with whom I heard you say you danced five +times." + +Sadie looked confused and annoyed, but finally she laughed; for she +had the good sense to see the folly of doing any thing else under +existing circumstances. + +"That is the point which puzzles me at present," continued the Doctor, +in a kind, grave tone. "I do not understand how young ladies of +refinement can permit, under certain circumstances, and often from +comparative strangers, attentions which, under other circumstances, +they repel with becoming indignation. Won't you consider the apparent +inconsistency a little? It is the only suggestion which I wish to +offer on the question at present. When you have settled that other +important matter, this thing will present itself to your clear-seeing +eyes in other and more startling aspects. Meantime, this is the house +at which I must call. Will you hold my horses, Miss Sadie, while I +dispatch matters within?" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + +CONFUSION--CROSS-BEARING--CONSEQUENCE. + + +But the autumn days were not _all_ bright, and glowing, and glorious. +One morning it rained--not a soft, silent, and warm rain, but a gusty, +windy, turbulent one; a rain that drove into windows ever so slightly +raised, and hurled itself angrily into your face whenever you ventured +to open a door. It was a day in which fires didn't like to burn, but +smoldered, and sizzled, and smoked; and people went around shivering, +their shoulders shrugged up under little dingy, unbecoming shawls, and +the clouds were low, and gray, and heavy--and every thing and every +body seemed generally out of sorts. + +Ester was no exception; the toothache had kept her awake during the +night, and one cheek was puffy and stiff in the morning, and one +tooth still snarled threateningly whenever the slightest whisper of +a draught came to it. The high-toned, exalted views of life and duty +which had held possession of her during the past few weeks seemed +suddenly to have deserted her. In short, her body had gained +that mortifying ascendency over the soul which it will sometimes +accomplish, and all her hopes, and aims, and enthusiasms seemed +blotted out. Things in the kitchen were uncomfortable. Maggie had +seized on this occasion for having the mumps, and acting upon the +advice of her sympathizing mistress, had pinned a hot flannel around +her face and gone to bed. The same unselfish counsel had been given +to Ester, but she had just grace enough left to refuse to desert the +camp, when dinner must be in readiness for twenty-four people in spite +of nerves and teeth. Just here, however, the supply failed her, and +she worked in ominous gloom. + +Julia had been pressed into service, and was stoning raisins, or +eating them, a close observer would have found it difficult to +discover which. She was certainly rasping the nerves of her sister +in a variety of those endless ways by which a thoughtless, restless, +questioning child can almost distract a troubled brain. Ester endured +with what patience she could the ceaseless drafts upon her, and worked +at the interminable cookies with commendable zeal. Alfred came with +a bang and a whistle, and held open the side door while he talked. +In rushed the spiteful wind, and all the teeth in sympathy with the +aching one set up an immediate growl. + +"Mother, I don't see any. Why, where is mother?" questioned Alfred; +and was answered with an emphatic + +"Shut that door!" + +"Well, but," said Alfred, "I want mother. I say, Ester, will you give +me a cookie?" + +"No!" answered Ester, with energy. "Did you hear me tell you to shut +that door this instant?" + +"Well now, don't bite a fellow." And Alfred looked curiously at his +sister. Meantime the door closed with a heavy bang. "Mother, say, +mother," he continued, as his mother emerged from the pantry, "I don't +see any thing of that hammer. I've looked every-where. Mother, can't I +have one of Ester's cookies? I'm awful hungry." + +"Why, I guess so, if you are really suffering. Try again for the +hammer, my boy; don't let a poor little hammer get the better of you." + +"Well," said Alfred, "I won't," meaning that it should answer the +latter part of the sentence; and seizing a cookie he bestowed a +triumphant look upon Ester and a loving one upon his mother, and +vanished amid a renewal of the whistle and bang. + +This little scene did not serve to help Ester; she rolled away +vigorously at the dough, but felt some way disturbed and outraged, and +finally gave vent to her feeling in a peremptory order. + +"Julia, don't eat another raisin; you've made away with about half of +them now." + +Julia looked aggrieved. "Mother lets me eat raisins when I pick them +over for her," was her defense; to which she received no other reply +than-- + +"Keep your elbows off the table." + +Then there was silence and industry for some minutes. Presently Julia +recovered her composure, and commenced with-- + +"Say, Ester, what makes you prick little holes all over your +biscuits?" + +"To make them rise better." + +"Does every thing rise better after it is pricked?" + +Sadie was paring apples at the end table, and interposed at this +point-- + +"If you find that to be the case, Julia, you must be very careful +after this, or we shall have Ester pricking you when you don't 'rise' +in time for breakfast in the morning." + +Julia suspected that she was being made a dupe of, and appealed to her +older sister: + +"_Honestly_, Ester, _do_ you prick them so they will rise better?" + +"Of course. I told you so, didn't I?" + +"Well, but why does that help them any? Can't they get up unless you +make holes in them, and what is all the reason for it?" + +Now, these were not easy questions to answer, especially to a girl +with the toothache, and Ester's answer was not much to the point. + +"Julia, I declare you are enough to distract one. If you ask any more +questions I shall certainly send you up stairs out of the way." + +Her scientific investigations thus nipped in the bud, Julia returned +again to silence and raisins, until the vigorous beating of some eggs +roused anew the spirit of inquiry. She leaned eagerly forward with a-- + +"Say, Ester, please tell me why the whites all foam and get thick when +you stir them, just like beautiful white soapsuds." And she rested her +elbow, covered with its blue sleeve, plump into the platter containing +the beaten yolks. You must remember Ester's face-ache, but even then +I regret to say that this disaster culminated in a decided box on the +ear for poor Julia, and in her being sent weeping up stairs. Sadie +looked up with a wicked laugh in her bright eyes, and said, demurely: + +"You didn't keep your promise, Ester, and let me live in peace, so +I needn't keep mine and I consider you pretty well out of the spasm +which has lasted for so many days." + +"Sadie, I am really ashamed of you." This was Mrs. Ried's grave, +reproving voice; and she added, kindly: "Ester, poor child, I wish you +would wrap your face up in something warm and lie down awhile. I am +afraid you are suffering a great deal." + +Poor Ester! It had been a hard day. Late in the afternoon, as she +stood at the table, and cut the bread, and cake, and cheese, and cold +meat for tea; when the sun had made a rift in the clouds, and was +peeping in for good-night; when the throbbing nerves had grown quiet +once more, she looked back upon this weary day in shame and pain. How +very little her noble resolves, and efforts, and advances had been +worth after all. How far back she seemed to have gone in that one +day--not strength enough to bear even the little crosses that befell +in an ordinarily quiet life! How she had lost the so-lately-gained +influence over Alfred and Julia by a few cross words! How much reason +she had given Sadie to think that her attempts at following the Master +were, after all, only spasmodic and visionary! But Ester had been to +that little clothes-press up stairs in search of help and forgiveness, +and now she clearly saw there was something to do besides mourn over +her failures. It was hard to do it, too. Ester's spirit was proud, and +it was very humbling to confess herself in the wrong. She hesitated +and shrank from the work, until she finally grew ashamed of herself +for that; and at last, without turning her head from her work, or +giving her resolve time to falter, she called to the twins, who were +occupying seats in one of the dining-room windows, and talking low and +soberly to each other: + +"Children, come here a moment, will you?" + +The two had been very shy of Ester since the morning's trials, +and were at that moment sympathizing with each other in a manner +uncomplimentary to her. However, they slid down from their perch and +slowly answered her call. + +Ester glanced up as they entered the storeroom, and then went on +cutting her cheese, but speaking in low, gentle tones: + +"I want to tell you two how sorry I am that I spoke so crossly and +unkindly to you this morning. It was very wrong in me. I thought I +never should displease Jesus so again, but I did, you see; and now I +am very sorry indeed, and I want you to forgive me." + +Alfred looked aghast. This was an Ester that he had never seen before, +and he didn't know what to say. He wriggled the toes of his boots +together, and looked down at them in puzzled wonder. At last he +faltered out: + +"I didn't know your cheek ached till mother told me, or else I'd have +shut the door right straight. I'd ought to, _any how_, cheek or no +cheek." + +This last in a lower tone, and more looking down at his boots. It was +new work for Alfred, this voluntarily owning himself in the wrong. + +Julia burst forth eagerly. "And I was very careless and naughty to +keep putting my elbows on the table after you had told me not to, and +I am ever so sorry that I made you such a lot of trouble." + +"Well, then," said Ester, "we'll all forgive each other, shall we, and +begin over again? And, children, I want you to understand that I _am_ +trying to please Jesus; and when I fail it is because of my own wicked +heart, not because there is any need of it if I tried harder; and I +want you to know how anxious I am that you should love this same Jesus +now while you are young, and get him to help you." + +Their mother called the children at this moment, and Ester dismissed +them each with a kiss. There was a little rustle in the flour-room, +and Sadie, whom nobody knew was down stairs, emerged therefrom with +suspiciously red eyes but a laughing face, and approached her sister. + +"Ester," said she, "I'm positively afraid that you are growing into a +saint, and I know that I'm a sinner. I consider myself mistaken about +the spasm--it is evidently a settled disease." + +While the bell tolled for evening service Ester stood in the front +doorway, and looked doubtfully up and down the damp pavements and +muddy streets, and felt of her stiff cheek. How much she seemed to +need the rest and help of God's house to-night; and yet-- + +Julia's little hand stole softly into hers. "We've been talking about +what you said you wanted us to do, Alfred and I have. We've talked +about it a good deal lately. _We_ most wish so, too." + +Ere Ester could reply other than by an eager grasp of the small hand, +Dr. Douglass came out. His horses and carriage were in waiting. + +"Miss Ried," he said, pausing irresolutely with his foot on the +carriage step, and finally turning back, "I am going to drive down to +church this evening, as I have a call to make afterward. Will you not +ride down with me; it is unpleasant walking?" + +Ester's grave face brightened. "I'm so glad," she answered eagerly. +"I _did_ want to go to church to-night, and I was afraid it would be +imprudent on account of my tooth." + +Alfred and Julia sat right before them in church; and Ester watched +them with a prayerful, and yet a sad heart What right had she to +expect an answer to her petitions when her life had been working +against them all that day? And yet the blood of Christ was +all-powerful, and there was always _his_ righteousness to plead; and +she bent her head in renewed supplications for these two, "And it +shall come to pass, that before they call I will answer, and while +they are yet speaking I will hear." + +Into one of the breathless stillnesses that came, while beating hearts +were waiting for the requests that they hoped would be made, broke +Julia's low, trembling, yet singularly clear voice: + +"Please pray for me." + +There was a little choking in Alfred's throat, and a good deal of +shuffling done with his boots. It was so much more of a struggle for +the sturdy boy than the gentle little girl; but he stood manfully on +his feet at last, and his words, though few, were fraught with as much +meaning as any which had been spoken there that evening, for they were +distinct and decided: + +"Me, too." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +THE TIME TO SLEEP + + +Life went swiftly and busily on. With the close of December the +blessed daily meetings closed, rather they closed with the first week +of the new year, which the church kept as a sort of jubilee week in +honor of the glorious things that had been done for them. + +The new year opened in joy for Ester; many things were different. The +honest, straightforward little Julia carried all her earnestness +of purpose into this new life which had possessed her soul; and the +sturdy brother had naturally too decided a nature to do any thing +half-way, so Ester was sure of this young sister and brother. Besides, +there was a new order of things between her mother and herself; each +had discovered that the other was bound on the same journey, and that +there were delightful resting-places by the way. + +For herself, she was slowly but surely gaining. Little crosses that +she stooped and resolutely took up grew to be less and less, until +they, some of them, merged into positive pleasures. There were many +things that cast rays of joy all about her path; but there was still +one heavy abiding sorrow. Sadie went giddily and gleefully on her +downward way. If she perchance seemed to have a serious thought at +night it vanished with the next morning's sunshine, and day by day +Ester realized more fully how many tares the enemy had sown while she +was sleeping. Sometimes the burden grew almost too heavy to be borne, +and again she would take heart of grace and bravely renew her efforts +and her prayers. It was about this time that she began to recognize +a new feeling. She was not sick exactly, and yet not quite well. She +discovered, considerably to her surprise, that she was falling into +the habit of sitting down on a stair to rest ere she had reached the +top of the first flight; also, that she was sometimes obliged to stay +her sweeping and clasp her hands suddenly over a strange beating +in her heart. But she laughed at her mother's anxious face, and +pronounced herself quite well, quite well, only perhaps a little +tired. + +Meantime all sorts of plans for usefulness ran riot in her brain. She +could not go away on a mission because her mission had come to her. +For a wonder she realized that her mother needed her. She took up +bravely and eagerly, so far as she could see it, the work that lay +around her; but her restless heart craved more, more. She _must_ do +something outside of this narrow circle for the Master. One evening +her enthusiasm, which had been fed for several days on a new scheme +that was afloat in the town, reached its hight. Ester remembered +afterward every little incident connected with that evening--just +how cozy the little family sitting-room looked, with her for its only +occupant; just how brightly the coals glowed in the open grate; just +what a brilliant color they flashed over the crimson cushioned rocker, +which she had vacated when she heard Dr. Van Anden's step in the +hall, and went to speak to him. She was engaged in writing a letter to +Abbie, full of eager schemes and busy, bright work. "I am astonished +that I ever thought there was nothing worth living for;" so she wrote. +"Why life isn't half long enough for the things that I want to do. +This new idea just fills me with delight. I am so eager to get to +work--" Thus far when she heard that step, and springing up went with +eagerness to the door. + +"Doctor, are you in haste? Haven't you just five minutes for me?" + +"Ten," answered the Doctor promptly, stepping into the bright little +room. + +In her haste, not even waiting to offer him a seat, Ester plunged at +once into her subject. + +"Aren't you the chairman of that committee to secure teachers for the +evening school?" + +"I am." + +"Have you all the help you want?" + +"Not by any means. Volunteers for such a self-denying employment as +teaching factory girls are not easy to find." + +"Well, Doctor, do you think--would you be willing to propose my name +as one of the teachers? I should so like to be counted among them." + +Instead of the prompt thanks which she expected, to her dismay Dr. Van +Anden's face looked grave and troubled. Finally he slowly shook his +head with a troubled-- + +"I don't think I can, Ester." + +Such an amazed, grieved, hurt look as swept over Ester's face. + +"It is no matter," she said at last, speaking with an effort. "Of +course I know little of teaching, and perhaps could do no good; but I +thought if help was scarce you might--well, never mind." + +And here the Doctor interposed. "It is not that, Ester," with the +troubled look deepening on his face. "I assure you we would be glad +of your help, but," and he broke off abruptly, and commenced a sudden +pacing up and down the room. Then stopped before her with these +mysterious words: "I don't know how to tell you, Ester." + +Ester's look now was one of annoyance, and she spoke quickly. + +"Why, Doctor, you need tell me nothing. I am not a child to have the +truth sugar-coated. If my help is not needed, that is sufficient." + +"Your help is exactly what we need, Ester, but your health is not +sufficient for the work." + +And now Ester laughed. "Why, Doctor, what an absurd idea In a week I +shall be as well as ever. If that is all you may surely count me as +one of your teachers." + +The Doctor smiled faintly, and then asked: "Do you never feel any +desire to know what may be the cause of this strange lassitude which +is creeping over you, and the sudden flutterings of heart, accompanied +by pain and faintness, which take you unawares?" + +Ester's face paled a little, but she asked, quietly enough: "How do +you know all this?" + +"I am a physician, Ester. Do you think it is kindness to keep a friend +in ignorance of what very nearly concerns him, simply to spare his +feelings for a little?" + +"Why, Dr. Van Anden, you do not think--you do not mean that--tell me +_exactly what_ you mean." + +But the Doctor's answer was grave, anxious, absolute _silence_. + +Perhaps the silence answered her--perhaps her own heart told the +secret to her, for a sudden gray palor overspread her face. For an +instant the room darkened and whirled around her, then she staggered +as if she would have fallen, then she reached forward and caught hold +of the little red rocker, and sank into it, and leaning both elbows on +the writing-table before her, buried her face in her hands. Afterward +Ester called to mind the strange whirl of thoughts which thrilled +her brain at that time. Life in all the various phases that she had +thought it would wear for her, all the endless plans that she had +made, all the things that she had meant to _do_ and _be_, came and +stared her in the face. Nowhere in all her plannings crossed by that +strange creature Death; someway she had never planned for that. Could +it be possible that he was to come for her so soon, before any of +these things were done? Was it possible that she must leave Sadie, +bright, brilliant, unsafe Sadie, and go away where she could work for +her no more? Then, like a picture spread before her, there came back +that day in the cars, on her way to New York, the Christian stranger, +who was not a stranger now, but her friend, and was it heaven--the +earnest little old woman with her thoughtful face, and that strange +sentence on her lips: "Maybe my coffin will do it better than I +can." Well, maybe _her_ coffin could do it for Sadie. Oh the blessed +thought! Plans? YES, but perhaps God had plans too. What mattered hers +compared to _HIS_? If he would that she should do her earthly work +by lying down very soon in the unbroken calm of the "rest that +remaineth," "what was that to her?" Presently she spoke without +raising her head. + +"Are you very certain of this thing, Doctor, and is it to come to me +soon?" + +"That last we can not tell, dear friend. You _may_ be with us years +yet, and it _may_ be swift and sudden. I think it is worse than +mistaken kindness, it is foolish wickedness, to treat a Christian +woman like a little child. I wanted to tell you before the shock would +be dangerous to you." + +"I understand." When she spoke again it was in a more hesitating tone. +"Does Dr. Douglass agree with you?" And the quick, pained way in which +the Doctor answered showed her that he understood. + +"Dr. Douglass will not _let_ himself believe it." + +Then a long silence fell between them. The Doctor kept his position, +leaning against the mantel, but never for a moment allowed his eyes +to turn away from that motionless figure before him. Only the loving, +pitying Savior knew what was passing in that young heart. + +At last she arose and came toward the Doctor, with a strange sweetness +playing about her mouth, and a strange calm in her voice. + +"Dr. Van Anden, I am _so_ much obliged to you. Don't be afraid to +leave me now. I think I need to be quite alone." + +And the Doctor, feeling that all words were vain and useless, silently +bowed, and softly let himself out of the room. + +The first thing upon which Ester's eye alighted when she turned again +to the table was the letter in which she had been writing those last +words: "Why life isn't half long enough for the things that I want +to do." Very quietly she picked up the letter and committed it to the +glowing coals upon the grate. Her mood had changed. By degrees, very +quietly and very gradually, as such bitter things _do_ creep in upon a +family, it grew to be an acknowledged fact that Ester was an invalid. +Little by little her circle of duties narrowed, one by one her various +plans were silently given up, the dear mother first, and then +Sadie, and finally the children, grew into the habit of watching her +footsteps, and saving her from the stairs, from the lifting, from +every possible burden. Once in a long while, and then, as the weeks +passed, more frequently, there would come a day in which she did not +get down further than the little sitting-room, but was established +amid pillows on the couch, "enjoying poor health," as she playfully +phrased it. + +So softly and silently and surely the shadow crept and crept, until +when June brought roses and Abbie. Ester received her in her own +room, propped up among the pillows in her bed. Gradually they grew +accustomed to that also, as God in his infinite mercy has planned that +human hearts shall grow used to the inevitable. They even told each +other hopefully that the warm weather was what depressed her so much, +and as the summer heat cooled into autumn she would grow stronger. +And she had bright days in which she really seemed to grow strong, and +which deceived every body save Dr. Van Anden and herself. + +During one of those bright days Sadie came from school full of a new +idea, and curled herself in front of Ester's couch to entertain her +with it. + +"Mr. Hammond's last," she said. "Such a curious idea, as like him as +possible, and like nobody else. You know that our class will graduate +in just two years from this time, and there are fourteen of us, an +even number, which is lucky for Mr. Hammond. Well, we are each, don't +you think, to write a letter, as sensible, honest, and piquant as +we can make it, historic, sentimental, poetic, or otherwise, as we +please, so that it be the honest exponent of our views. Then we are to +make a grand exchange of letters among the class, and the young lady +who receives my letter, for instance, is to keep it sealed, and under +lock and key, until graduation day, when it is to be read before +scholars, faculty, and trustees, and my full name announced as the +signature; and all the rest of us are to perform in like manner." + +"What is supposed to be the object?" queried Abbie. + +"Precisely the point which oppressed us, until Mr. Hammond +complimented us by announcing that it was for the purpose of +discovering how many of us, after making use of our highest skill +in that line, could write a letter that after two years we should be +willing to acknowledge as ours." + +Ester sat up flushed and eager. "That is a very nice idea," she said, +brightly. "I'm so glad you told me of it. Sadie, I'll write you a +letter for that day. I'll write it to-morrow, and you are to keep it +sealed until the evening of that day on which you graduate. Then when +you have come up to your room and are quite alone, you are to read it. +Will you promise, Sadie?" + +But Sadie only laughed merrily, and said "You are growing sentimental, +Ester, as sure is the world. How can I make any such promise as that? +I shall probably chatter to you like a magpie instead of reading any +thing." + +This young girl utterly ignored so far as was possible the fact of +Ester's illness, never allowing it to be admitted in her presence +that there were any fears as to the result. Ester had ceased trying +to convince her, so now she only smiled quietly and repeated her +petition. + +"Will you promise, Sadie?" + +"Oh yes, I'll promise to go to the mountains of the moon on foot and +alone, across lots--_any thing_ to amuse you. You're to be pitied, you +see, until you get over this absurd habit of cuddling down among the +pillows." + +So a few days thereafter she received with much apparent glee the +dainty sealed letter addressed to herself, and dropped it in her +writing-desk, but ere she turned the key there dropped a tear or two +on the shining lid. + +Well, as the long, hot summer days grew longer and fiercer, the +invalid drooped and drooped, and the home faces grew sadder. Yet +there still came from time to time those rallying days, wherein Sadie +confidently pronounced her to be improving rapidly. And so it came +to pass that so sweet was the final message that the words of the +wonderful old poem proved a Siting description of it all. + + "They thought her dying when she slept, + And sleeping when she died." + +Into the brightness of the September days there intruded one, wherein +all the house was still, with that strange, solemn stillness that +comes only to those homes where death has left a seal. From the +doors floated the long crape signals, and in the great parlors were +gathering those who had come to take their parting look at the white, +quiet face. "ESTER RIED, aged 19," so the coffin-plate told them. Thus +early had the story of her life been finished. + +Only one arrangement had Ester made for this last scene in her life +drama. + +"I am going to preach my own funeral sermon," she had said pleasantly +to Abbie one day. "I want every one to know what seemed to me the most +important thing in life. And I want them to understand that when I +came just to the end of my life it stood out the most important thing +still--for Christians, I mean. My sermon is to be preached for them. +No it isn't either; it applies equally to all. The last time I went +to the city I found in a bookstore just the kind of sermon I want +preached. I bought it. You will find the package in my upper bureau +drawer, Abbie. I leave it to you to see that they are so arranged that +every one who comes to look at _me_ will be sure to see them." + +So on this day, amid the wilderness of flowers and vines and mosses +that had possession of the rooms, ranged along the mantel, hanging in +clusters on the walls, were beautifully illuminated texts--and these +were some of the words that they spoke to those who silently gathered +in the parlors: + +"And that knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of +sleep." + +"But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?" + +"What shall we do that we might work the works of God?" + +"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there +is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave whither +thou goest." + +"I must work the work of him that sent me while it is day: the night +cometh when no man can work." + +"Awake to righteousness and sin not." + +"Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall +give thee light." + +"Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." + +"Let us not sleep as do others, but let us watch, and be sober." + +Chiming in with the thoughts of those who knew by whose direction the +illuminated texts were hung, came the voice of the minister, reading: + +"And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are +the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, +that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them." + +So it was that Ester Ried, lying quiet in her coffin, was reckoned +among that number who "being dead, yet speaketh." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + +AT LAST. + + +The busy, exciting, triumphant day was done. Sadie Ried was no longer +a school-girl; she had graduated. And although a dress of the softest, +purest white had been substituted for the blue silk, in which she had +so long ago planned to appear, its simple folds had swept the platform +of Music Hall in as triumphant a way as ever she had planned for the +other. More so, for Sadie's wildest flights of fancy had never made +her valedictorian of her class, yet that she certainly was. In some +respects it had been a merry day--the long sealed letters had been +opened and read by their respective holders that morning, and the +young ladies had discovered, amid much laughter and many blushes, that +they were ready to pronounce many of the expressions which they had +carefully made only two years before, "ridiculously out of place" or +"absurdly sentimental." + +"Progress," said Mr. Hammond, turning for a moment to Sadie, after he +had watched with an amused smile the varying play of expression on her +speaking face, while she listened to the reading of her letter. + +"You were not aware that you had improved so much in two years, now, +were you?" + +"I was not aware that I ever was such a simpleton!" was her +half-provoked, half-amused reply. + +To-night she loitered strangely in the parlors, in the halls, on the +stairs, talking aimlessly with any one who would stop; it was growing +late. Mrs. Ried and the children had long ago departed. Dr. Van Anden +had not yet returned from his evening round of calls. Every body in +and about the house was quiet, ere Sadie, with slow, reluctant steps, +finally ascended the stairs and sought her room. Arrived there, she +seemed in no haste to light the gas; moonlight was streaming into the +room, and she put herself down in front of one of the low windows to +enjoy it. But it gave her a view of the not far distant cemetery, and +gleamed on a marble slab, the lettering of which she knew perfectly +well was--"Ester, daughter of Alfred and Laura Ried, died Sept. 4, +18--, aged 19. Asleep in Jesus--Awake to everlasting life." And that +reminded her, as she had no need to be reminded, of a letter with +the seal unbroken, lying in her writing-desk--a letter which she had +promised to read this evening--promised the one who wrote it for her, +and over whose grave the moonlight was now wrapping its silver robe. +Sadie felt strangely averse to reading that letter; in part, she +could imagine its contents, and for the very reason that she was still +"halting between two opinions," "almost persuaded," and still on that +often fatal "almost" side, instead of the "altogether," did she wait +and linger, and fritter away the evening as best she could, rather +than face that solemn letter. Even when she turned resolutely from the +window, and lighted the gas, and drew down the shade, she waited to +put every thing tidy on her writing-table, and then, when she had +finally turned the key in her writing-desk, to read over half a dozen +old letters and bits of essays, and scraps of poetry, ere she reached +down for that little white envelope, with her name traced by the +dear familiar hand that wrote her name no more. At last the seal was +broken, and Sadie read: + +"My Darling Sister: + +"I am sitting to-day in our little room--yours and mine. I have been +taking in the picture of it; every thing about it is dear to me, from +our father's face smiling down on me from the wall, to the little red +rocker in which he sat and wrote, in which I sit now, and in which you +will doubtless sit, when I have gone to him. I want to speak to you +about that time. When you read this, I shall have been gone a long, +long time, and the bitterness of the parting will all be past; you +will be able to read calmly what I am writing. I will tell you a +little of the struggle. For the first few moments after I knew that +I was soon to die, my brain fairly reeled; It seemed to me that I +_could_ not. I had so much to live for, there was so much that I +wanted to do; and most of all other things, I wanted to see you a +Christian. I wanted to live for that, to work for it, to undo if I +could some of the evil that I knew my miserable life had wrought in +your heart. Then suddenly there came to me the thought that perhaps +what my life could not do, my coffin would accomplish--perhaps that +was to be God's way of calling you to himself perhaps he meant to +answer my pleading in that way, to let my grave speak for me, as my +crooked, marred, sinful living might never be able to do. My darling, +then I was content; it came to me so suddenly as that almost the +certainty that God meant to use me thus, and I love you so, and I long +so to see you come to him, that I am more than willing to give up +all that this life seemed to have for me, and go away, if by that you +would be called to Christ. + +"And Sadie, dear, you will know before you read this, how much I had +to give up. You will know very soon all that Dr. Douglass and I looked +forward to being to each other--but I give it up, give him up, +more than willingly--joyfully--glad that my Father will accept the +sacrifice, and make you his child. Oh, my darling, what a life I have +lived before you! I do not wonder that, looking at me, you have grown +into the habit of thinking that there is nothing in religion--you have +looked at me, not at Jesus, and there has been no reflection of +his beauty in me, as there should have been, and the result is not +strange. Knowing this, I am the more thankful that God will forgive +me, and use me as a means to bring you home at last. I speak +confidently. I am sure, you see, that it will be; the burden, the +fearful burden that I have carried about with me so long, has gone +away. My Redeemer and yours has taken it from me. I shall see you in +heaven. Father is there, and I am going, oh _so_ fast, and mother will +not be long behind, and Alfred and Julia have started on the journey, +and you _will_ start. Oh, I know it--we shall all be there! I told my +Savior I was willing to do any thing, _any thing_, so my awful mockery +of a Christian life, that I wore so long, might not be the means of +your eternal death. And he has heard my prayer. I do not know when it +will be; perhaps you will still be undecided when you sit in our room +and read these words. Oh, I hope, I _hope_ you will not waste two +years more of your life, but if you do, if as you read these last +lines that I shall ever write, the question is unsettled, I charge +you by the memory of your sister, by the love you bear her not to wait +another _moment_--not one. Oh, my darling, let me beg this at your +hands; take it as my dying petition--renewed after two years of +waiting. Come to Jesus now. + +"That question settled, then let me give you one word of warning. Do +not live as I have done--my life has been a failure--five years of +stupid sleep, while the enemy waked and worked. Oh, God, forgive me! +Sadie, never let that be your record. Let me give you a motto--'Press +toward the mark.' The mark is high; don't look away from or forget +it, as I did; don't be content with simply sauntering along, looking +toward it now and then, but take in the full meaning of that earnest +sentence, and live it--'Press toward the mark!' + +"And now good-by. When you have finished reading this letter, do this +last thing for me: If you are already a Christian, get down on your +knees and renew your covenant; resolve anew to live and work, and +suffer and die, for Christ. If you are not a Christian--Oh, I put my +whole soul into this last request--I beg you kneel and give yourself +up to Jesus. My darling, good-by until we meet in heaven. + +"ESTER RIED." + +The letter dropped from Sadie's nerveless fingers. She arose softly, +and turned down the gas, and raised the shade--the moonlight still +gleamed on the marble slab. Dr. Van Anden came with quick, firm tread +up the street. She gave a little start as she recognized the step, and +her thoughts went out after that other lonely Doctor, who was to have +been her brother, and then back to the long, earnest letter and the +words, "I give him up"--and she realized as only those can who know by +experience, what a giving up that would be, how much her sister longed +for her soul. And then, moved by a strong, firm resolve, Sadie knelt +in the solemn moonlight, and the long, long struggle was ended. Father +and sister were in heaven, but on earth, this night, their prayers +were being answered. + +"Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, +saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their +works do follow them." + +THE END. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Ester Ried, by Pansy (aka. Isabella M. Alden) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESTER RIED *** + +***** This file should be named 13234.txt or 13234.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/2/3/13234/ + +Produced by Joel Erickson, Lisa Zeug and PG Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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