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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:38:54 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:38:54 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/12084-0.txt b/12084-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc0713f --- /dev/null +++ b/12084-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12642 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12084 *** + +[Illustration: "LOOK AT ME, MARGARET."] + +REVELATIONS OF A WIFE + +The Story of a Honeymoon + + +BY + +ADELE GARRISON + +1915, 1916, 1917 + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I. "I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + II. THE FIRST QUARREL + + III. KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + IV. DIVIDED OPINIONS + + V. "ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + VI. A MAID AND MODEL + + VII. A FRIENDLY WARNING + + VIII. A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + IX. THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + X. GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE + + XI. "I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + XII. LOST AND FOUND + + XIII. "IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + XIV. A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + XV. "BUT I LOVE YOU" + + XVI. INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + XVII. A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + XVIII. "CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + XIX. LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + XX. LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + XXI. LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + XXII. AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + XXIII. "BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + XXIV. A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + XXV. PLAYING THE GAME + + XXVI. A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + XXVII. "HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + XXVIII. A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + XXIX. "BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + XXX. THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + XXXI. A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + XXXII. "THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + XXXIII. "MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + XXXIV. A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + XXXV. THE WORD OF JACK + + XXXVI. "AND YET--" + + XXXVII. A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + XXXVIII. "NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + XXXIX. HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + XL. MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + XLI. WHY DID DICKY GO? + + XLII. DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + XLIII. "TAKE ME HOME" + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +Probably it is true that no two persons entertain precisely the same +view of marriage. If any two did, and one happened to be a man and the +other a woman, there would be many advantages in their exemplifying +the harmony by marrying each other--unless they had already married +some one else. + +Sour-minded critics of life have said that the only persons who are +likely to understand what marriage ought to be are those who +have found it to be something else. Of course most of the foolish +criticisms of marriage are made by those who would find the same fault +with life itself. One man who was asked whether life was worth living, +answered that it depended on the liver. Thus, it has been pointed out +that marriage can be only as good as the persons who marry. This is +simply to say that a partnership is only as good as the partners. + +"Revelations of a Wife" is a woman's confession. Marriage is so vital +a matter to a woman that when she writes about it she is always likely +to be in earnest. In this instance, the likelihood is borne out. Adele +Garrison has listened to the whisperings of her own heart. She has +done more. She has caught the wireless from a man's heart. And she has +poured the record into this story. + +The woman of this story is only one kind of a woman, and the man +is only one kind of a man. But their experiences will touch the +consciousness--I was going to say the conscience--of every man or +woman who has either married or measured marriage, and we've all done +one or the other. + +PIERRE RAVILLE. + + + + +Revelations of a Wife + + + + + +I + +"I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + +Today we were married. + +I have said these words over and over to myself, and now I have +written them, and the written characters seem as strange to me as the +uttered words did. I cannot believe that I, Margaret Spencer, 27 years +old, I who laughed and sneered at marriage, justifying myself by the +tragedies and unhappiness of scores of my friends, I who have made for +myself a place in the world's work with an assured comfortable income, +have suddenly thrown all my theories to the winds and given myself +in marriage in as impetuous, unreasoning fashion as any foolish +schoolgirl. + +I shall have to change a word in that last paragraph. I forgot that +I am no longer Margaret Spencer, but Margaret Graham, Mrs. Richard +Graham, or, more probably, Mrs. "Dicky" Graham. I don't believe +anybody in the world ever called Richard anything but "Dicky." + +On the other hand, nobody but Richard ever called me anything shorter +than my own dignified name. I have been "Madge" to him almost ever +since I knew him. + +Dear, dear Dicky! If I talked a hundred years I could not express the +difference between us in any better fashion. He is "Dicky" and I am +"Margaret." + +He is downstairs now in the smoking room, impatiently humoring this +lifelong habit of mine to have one hour of the day all to myself. + +My mother taught me this when I was a tiny girl. My "thinking hour," +she called it, a time when I solved my small problems or pondered my +baby sins. All my life I have kept up the practice. And now I am going +to devote it to another request of the little mother who went away +from me forever last year. + +"Margaret, darling," she said to me on the last day we ever talked +together, "some time you are going to marry--you do not think so now, +but you will--and how I wish I had time to warn you of all the hidden +rocks in your course! If I only had kept a record of those days of my +own unhappiness, you might learn to avoid the wretchedness that was +mine. Promise me that if you marry you will write down the problems +that confront you and your solution of them, so than when your own +baby girl comes to you and grows into womanhood she may be helped by +your experience." + +Poor little mother! Her marriage with my father had been one of those +wretched tragedies, the knowledge of which frightens so many people +away from the altar. I have no memory of my father. I do not know +today whether he be living or dead. When I was 4 years old he ran away +with the woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. All my +life has been warped by the knowledge. Even now, worshipping Dicky as +I do, I am wondering as I sit here, obeying my mother's last request, +whether or not an experience like hers will come to me. + +A fine augury for our happiness when such thoughts as this can come to +me on my wedding day! + +Dicky is an artist, with all the faults and all the lovable virtues +of his kind. A week ago I was a teacher, holding one of the most +desirable positions in the city schools. We met just six months ago, +two of the most unsuited people who could be thrown together. And +now we are married! Next week we begin housekeeping in a dear little +apartment near Dicky's studio. + +Dicky has insisted that I give up my work, and against all my +convictions I have yielded to his wishes. But on my part I have +stipulated that I must be permitted to do the housework of our nest, +with the occasional help of a laundress. I will be no parasite wife +who neither helps her husband in or out of the home. But the little +devils must be busy laughing just now. I, who have hardly hung up +my own nightgown for years, and whose knowledge of housekeeping is +mightily near zero, am to try to make home happy and comfortable for +an artist! Poor Dicky! + +I don't know what has come to me. I worship Dicky. He sweeps me off +my feet with his love, his vivid personality overpowers my more +commonplace self, but through all the bewildering intoxication of +my engagement and marriage a little mocking devil, a cool, cynical, +little devil, is constantly whispering in my ear: "You fool, you fool, +to imagine you can escape unhappiness! There is no such thing as a +happy marriage!" + +Dicky has just 'phoned up from the smoking room to ask me if my hour +isn't up. How his voice clears away all the miasma of my miserable +thoughts! Please God, Dicky, I am going to lock up all my old ideas in +the most unused closet of my brain, and try my best to be a good wife +to you! I will be happy! I will! I WILL! + + + + +II + +THE FIRST QUARREL + + +"I'll give you three guesses, Madge." Dicky stood just inside the door +of the living room, holding an immense parcel carefully wrapped. His +hat was on the back of his head, his eyes shining, his whole face +aglow with boyish mischief. + +"It's for you, my first housekeeping present, that is needed in every +well regulated family," he burlesqued boastfully, "but you are not to +see it until we have something to eat, and you have guessed what it +is." + +"I know it is something lovely, dear," I replied sedately, "but come +to your dinner. It is getting cold." + +Dicky looked a trifle hurt as he followed me to the dining room. I +knew what he expected--enthusiastic curiosity and a demand for the +immediate opening of the parcel, I can imagine the pretty enthusiasm, +the caresses with which almost any other woman would have greeted a +bridegroom of two weeks with his first present. + +But it's simply impossible for me to gush. I cannot express emotion of +any kind with the facility of most women. I worshipped my mother, but +I rarely kissed her or expressed my love for her in words. My love for +Dicky terrifies me sometimes, it is so strong, but I cannot go up +to him and offer him an unsolicited kiss or caress. Respond to his +caresses, yes! but offer them of my own volition, never! There is +something inside me that makes it an absolute impossibility. + +"What's the menu, Madge? The beef again?" + +Dicky's tone was mildly quizzical, his smile mischievous, but I +flushed hotly. He had touched a sore spot. The butcher had brought +me a huge slab of meat for my first dinner when I had timidly ordered +"rib roast," and with the aid of my mother's cook book and my own +smattering of cooking, my sole housewifely accomplishment, I had been +trying to disguise it for subsequent meals. + +"This is positively its last appearance on any stage," I assured him, +trying to be gay. "Besides, it's a casserole, with rice, and I defy +you to detect whether the chief ingredient be fish, flesh or fowl." + +"Casserole is usually my pet aversion," Dicky said solemnly. Look not +on the casserole when it is table d'hote, is one of the pet little +proverbs in my immediate set. Too much like Spanish steak and the +other good chances for ptomaines. But if you made it I'll tackle +it--if you have to call the ambulance in the next half-hour." + +"Dicky, you surely do not think I would use meat that was doubtful, +do you?" I asked, horror-stricken. "Don't eat it. Wait and I'll fix up +some eggs for you." + +Dicky rose stiffly, walked slowly around to my side of the table, and +gravely tapped my head in imitation of a phrenologist. + +"Absolute depression where the bump called 'sense of humor' ought to +be. Too bad! Pretty creature, too. Cause her lots of trouble, in the +days to come," he chanted solemnly. + +Then he bent and kissed me. "Don't be a goose, Madge," he admonished, +"and never, never take me seriously. I don't know the meaning of the +word. Come on, let's eat the thing-um bob. I'll bet it's delicious." + +He uncovered the casserole and regarded the steaming contents +critically. "Smells scrumptious," he announced. "What's in the other? +Potatoes au gratin?" as he took off the cover of the other serving +dish. "Good! One of my favorites." + +He piled a liberal portion on any plate and helped himself as +generously. He ate heartily of both dishes, ignoring or not noticing +that I scarcely touched either dish. + +For I was fast lapsing into one of the moods which my little mother +used to call my "morbid streaks" and which she had vainly tried to +cure ever since I was a tiny girl. + +Dicky didn't like my cooking! He was only pretending! Dicky was +disappointed in the way I received the announcement of his present! +Probably he soon would find me wanting in other things. + +As I took our plates to the kitchen and brought on a lettuce and +tomato salad with a mayonnaise dressing over which I had toiled for an +hour, I was trying hard to choke back the tears. + +When I brought on the baked apples which I had prepared with especial +care for dessert, Dick gave them one glance which to my oversensitive +mind looked disparaging. Then he pushed back his chair. + +"Don't believe I want any dessert today. The rest of the dinner was so +good I ate too much of it. Eat yours and I'll undo your surprise." + +"Whatever in the world?" I began as Dicky lifted the lid and revealed +a big Angora cat. Then my voice changed. "Why, Dicky, you don't +mean--" But Dicky was absorbed in lifting the cat out. + +"Isn't she a beauty?" he said admiringly. But I was almost into the +dining room. + +"I suppose she is," I replied faintly, "but surely you do not intend +her for me?" + +"Why not?" Dicky's tone was sharper than I had ever heard it. He set +the cat down on the floor and she walked over to me. I pushed her away +gently with my foot as I replied: + +"Because I dislike cats--intensely. Besides, you know cats are so +unsanitary, always carrying disease--" + +"Oh, get out of it, Madge," Dicky interrupted. "Forget that scientific +foolishness you absorbed when you were school ma'aming. Besides, this +cat is a thoroughbred, never been outside the home where she was born +till now. Do you happen to know what this gift you are tossing aside +so nonchalantly would have cost if it hadn't been given me by a dear +friend? A cool two hundred, that's all. It seems to me you might try +to get over your prejudices, especially when I tell you that I am very +fond of cats and like to see them around." + +Dicky's voice held a note of appeal, but I chose to ignore it. My +particular little devil must have sat at my elbow. + +"I am sorry," I said coldly, "but really, I do not see why it is any +more incumbent on me to try to overcome my very real aversion to cats +than it is for you to try to do without their society." + +"Very well," Dicky exclaimed angrily, turning toward the door. "If you +feel that way about it, there is nothing more to be said." + +Then Dicky slammed the living room door behind him to emphasize his +words, went down the hall, slammed the apartment door and ran down the +steps. + +Back in the living room, huddled up in the big chair which is the +chief pride of the woman who rents us the furnished apartment, I sat, +as angry as Dicky, and heartsick besides. Our first quarrel had come! + +But the cat remained. What was I to do with her? There is no cure for +a quarrel like loneliness and reflection. Dicky had not been gone a +half-hour after our disagreement over the cat before I was wondering +how we both could have been so silly. + +I thought it out carefully. I could see that Dicky was accustomed to +having his own way unquestioned. He had told me once that his mother +and sister had spoiled him, and I reflected that he evidently expected +me to go on in the same way. + +On the other hand, I had been absolutely my own mistress for years, +the little mother in a way being more my child than I hers. Accustomed +to decide for myself every question of my life I had no desire, +neither had I intention of doing, any clinging vine act with Dicky +posing at the strong oak. + +But I also had the common sense to see that there would be real issues +in our lives without wasting our ammunition over a cat. Then, too, the +remembrance of Dicky's happy face when he thought he was surprising me +tugged at my heart. + +"If he wants a cat, a cat he shall have," I said to myself, and +calling my unwelcome guest to me with a resolute determination to do +my duty by the beast, no matter how distasteful the task, I was just +putting a saucer of milk in front of her when the door opened and +Dicky came in like a whirlwind. + +"How do you wear sackcloth and ashes?" he cried, catching me in his +arms as he made the query. "If you've got any in the house bring 'em +along and I'll put them on. Seriously, girl, I'm awfully sorry I let +my temper out of its little cage. No nice thing getting angry at +your bride, because she doesn't like cats. I'll take the beast back +tomorrow." + +"Indeed, you'll do no such thing," I protested. "You're not the only +one who is sorry, I made up my mind before you came back not only to +keep this cat, but to learn to like her." + +Dicky kissed me. "You're a brick, sweetheart," he said heartily, "and +I've got a reward for you, a peace offering. Get on your frills, for +we're going to a first night. Sanders was called out of town, had the +tickets on his hands, and turned them over to me. Hurry up while I get +into my moonlights." + +"Your what?" I was mystified. + +"Evening clothes, goose." Dicky threw the words over his shoulder as +he took down the telephone receiver. "Can you dress in half an hour? +We have only that." + +"I'll be ready." + +As I closed the door of my room I heard Dicky ask for the number of +the taxicab company where he kept an account. Impulsively, I started +toward him to remonstrate against the extravagance, but stopped as I +heard the patter of rain against the windows. + +"I'll leave this evening entirely in Dicky's hands," I resolved as I +began to dress. + + + + +III + +KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + +Our taxi drew into the long line of motor cars before the theatre and +slowly crept up to the door. Dicky jumped out, raised his umbrella and +guided me into the lobby. It was filled with men and women, some in +elaborate evening dress, others in street garb. Some were going in +to their seats, others were gossiping with each other, still others +appeared to be waiting for friends. + +The most conspicuous of all the women leaned against the wall and +gazed at others through a lorgnette which she handled as if she had +not long before been accustomed to its use. Her gown, a glaringly +cut one, was of scarlet chiffon over silk, and her brocaded cape was +half-slipping from her shoulder. Her hair was frankly dyed, and she +rouged outrageously. + +I gazed at her fascinated. She typified to me everything that was +disagreeable. I have always disliked even being in the neighborhood +of her vulgar kind. What was my horror, then, to see her deliberately +smiling at me, then coming toward us with hand outstretched. + +I realized the truth even before she spoke. It was not I at whom she +was smiling, but Dicky. She was Dicky's friend! + +"Why, bless my soul, if it isn't the Dicky-bird," she cried so loudly +that everybody turned to look at us. She took my hand. "I suppose you +are the bride Dicky's been hiding away so jealously." She looked me up +and down as if I were on exhibition and turning to Dicky said. "Pretty +good taste, Dicky, but I don't imagine that your old friends will see +much of you from now on." + +"That's where you're wrong, Lil," returned Dicky easily. "We're going +to have you all up some night soon." + +"See that you do," she returned, tweaking his ear as we passed on to +our seats. + +I had not spoken during the conversation. I had shaken the hand of the +woman and smiled at her. + +But over and over again in my brain this question was revolving: + +"Who is this unpleasant woman who calls my husband 'Dicky-bird,' and +who is called 'Lil' by him?" + +But I love the very air of the theatre, so as Dicky and I sank into +the old-fashioned brocaded seats I resolutely put away from my mind +all disturbing thoughts of the woman in the lobby who appeared on such +good terms with my husband, and prepared to enjoy every moment of the +evening. + +"Well done, Madge," Dicky whispered mischievously, as, after we had +been seated, I let my cloak drop from my shoulders without arising. +"You wriggled that off in the most approved manner." + +"I ought to," I whispered back. "I've watched other women with envious +attention during all the lean years, when I wore tailor-mades to mill +and to meeting." + +Dicky squeezed my hand under cover of the cloak. "No more lean years +for my girl if I can help it." he murmured earnestly. + +Dicky appeared to know a number of people in the audience. A +half-dozen men and two or three women bowed to him. He told me about +each one. Two were dramatic critics, others artist and actor friends. +Each one's name was familiar to me through the newspapers. + +"You'll know them all later, Madge," he said, and I felt a glow of +pleasure in the anticipation of meeting such interesting people. + +Dicky opened his program, and I idly watched the people between me and +the stage. A few seats in front of us to the left I caught sight of +the woman who had claimed Dicky's acquaintance in the lobby. She +was signaling greetings to a number of acquaintances in a flamboyant +fashion. She would bow elaborately, then lift her hands together as if +shaking hands with the person she greeted. + +"Who is she, Dicky?" I tried to make my voice careless. "I did not +catch her name when you introduced us." + +"You'll probably see enough of her so you won't forget it," returned +Dicky, grinning. "She's one of the busiest little members of the +'Welcome to Our City Committee' in the set I train most with. She +won't rest till you've met all the boys and girls and been properly +lionized. She's one of the best little scouts going, and, if she'd cut +out the war paint and modulate that Comanche yell she calls her voice +there would be few women to equal her for brains or looks." + +"But you haven't told me yet what her name is," I persisted. + +"Well, in private life she's Mrs. Harry Underwood--that's Harry with +her--but she's better known all over the country as the cleverest +producer of illustrated jingles for advertising we have. Remember that +Simple Simon parody for the mincemeat advertisement we laughed over +some time ago, and I told you I knew the woman who did it? There she +is before you," and Dicky waved his hand grandiloquently. + +"Lillian Gale!" I almost gasped the name. + +"The same," rejoined Dicky, and turned again to his program, while I +sat in amazed horror, with all my oldtime theories crumbling around +me. + +For I had read of Lillian Gale and her married troubles. I knew that +Harry Underwood was her second husband and that she had been divorced +from her first spouse after a scandal which has been aired quite fully +in the newspapers. She had not been proved guilty, but her skirts +certainly had been smirched by rumor. According to the ideas which had +been mine, Dicky should have shrunk from having me ever meet such a +woman, let alone planning to have me on terms of intimacy with her. + +What should I do? + +When the curtain went down on the first act I turned to Dicky happily, +eager to hear his comments and filled with a throng of thoughts to +wipe away any remembrance from his mind of the unhappiness that had +promised to mar my evening, and which I feared he had read in my +eyes. But just as I opened my lips to speak, he interrupted me with a +startled exclamation: + +"Sit down, Lil. Hello, Harry." + +Dicky was on his feet in an instant and Lillian Gale was seated next +to me with Dicky and her husband leaning over us before I had fully +realized that the woman, the thought of whom had so disturbed my +evening, was so close to me. + +"I want you to know Mrs. Graham, Harry," Dicky said. + +I glowed inwardly at the note of pride in his voice and looked up to +meet a pair of brilliant black eyes looking at me with an appraising +approval that grated. He was a tall, good looking chap, with an air of +ennui that sat oddly on his powerful frame. I felt sure that I would +like Lillian Gale's husband as little as I did the woman herself. + +I was glad when the lights dimmed slowly, that the second act +was about to begin. Mrs. Underwood rose with a noisy rustling of +draperies. She evidently was one of those women who can do nothing +quietly, and turning to me said, cordially: + +"Be sure to wait for us in the lobby when this is over. We have a +plan," and before I had time to reply she had rustled away to her own +seat, her tall husband following at some little distance behind her, +but apparently oblivious of her presence as if she were a stranger. + +I didn't much enjoy the second act, even though I realized that it was +one of the best comedy scenes I had ever seen, both in its lines and +its acting; but I had a problem to settle, and I longed for the quiet +hour in my own room which my mother had trained me to take every day +since childhood. + +Of course, I realized that Lillian Gale meant to have us join them for +a supper party after the theatre. The invitation would be given to +us in the lobby after the last act. Upon the way that I received that +invitation must depend my future conduct toward this woman. I could +not make one of the proposed party and afterward decline to know her. +My instincts all cried out to me to avoid Lillian Gale. She outraged +all my canons of good taste, although even through my prejudices I had +to admit there was something oddly attractive about her in spite of +her atrocious make-up. + +But, on the other hand, she and her husband appeared to be on most +intimate terms with Dicky. Would I seriously offend him if I refused +to treat his friends with friendliness equal to that which they seemed +ready to shower upon me? + +"Would you like to walk a bit, Madge?" Dicky's voice started me into a +recollection of my surroundings. I had been so absorbed in the problem +of whether I should or should not accept Lillian Gale as an intimate +friend that I did not know that the curtain had fallen on the second +act, nor did I know how the act had ended. My problem was still +unsolved. I welcomed the diversion of a turn in the fresher aid of the +lobby. + +As we passed up the aisle I felt a sudden tug, then an ominous +ripping. The floating chiffon overdrapery of my gown had caught in +a seat. As Dicky bent to release me his face showed consternation. +Almost a length of the dainty fabric trailed on the floor. + +I have schooled my self-repression for many a weary year. I feared my +gown, in which I had taken such pride, was ruined, but I would not let +any one know I cared about it. I gathered it up and smiled at Dicky. + +"It really doesn't matter," I said. "If you'll leave me at the woman's +dressing room I think I can fix it up all right." + +Dicky drew a relieved breath. His heartily murmured, "You're a +thoroughbred for sure, Madge," rewarded me for my composure. I was +just woman enough also to be comforted by the whispered comments of +two women who sat just behind the seat which caused the mischief. + +"Isn't that a shame--that exquisite gown?" and the rejoinder. "But +isn't she game? I couldn't smile like that--I'd be crying my eyes out" + +Dicky left me at the door of the dressing room, pressing a coin slyly +into my hand. "You'll tip the maid," he explained, and I blessed him +for his thoughtfulness. I had been too absorbed in my gown to think of +anything else. + +An obsequious maid provided me with needle, thimble and thread. She +offered to mend the tear for me, but I had a horror of being made +conspicuous by her ministrations. + +"If you'll let me have a chair in a corner I shall do very nicely," +I told her, and was at once snugly ensconced near one of her mirrors +behind the very comfortable rampart of an enormously fat woman in an +exaggerated evening gown, who was devoting much pains and cosmetics +to her complexion. She looked as if she intended to remain at the +particular mirror all the intermission. I hoped she would stay there, +in spite the dagger's looks she was receiving from other complexion +repairers who coveted her place, for she was an effectual shield from +curious eyes. + +To my joy I found that the gown was not ruined, and that it could be +repaired without much expense or trouble. Even the temporary mending I +was doing disguised the break. I was so interested in the mending that +I was completely lost to my surroundings, but the sound of a familiar +name brought me to with a jerk. + +"Did you see the Dicky-bird and his marble bride?" A high-pitched yet +rather sweet voice asked the question, and a deep contralto answered +it. + +"Yes, indeed, and I saw the way Lillian Gale was rushing them. For +my part I don't think that's quite clubby of Lil. Of course she's got +into the way of thinking she has a first mortgage on the Dicky-bird, +but she might give that beautiful bride a chance for her life before +she forecloses." + +"What's the secret of Lil's attraction for Dicky Graham, anyway?" the +soprano voice queried. "She's a good seven years older than he is, and +both her past and her youth are rather frayed at the edges, you know." + +"Oh! love's young dream, and the habit of long association," returned +the contralto. I've heard that Lil was Dicky's first love. She was a +stunner for looks 19 years ago, and Dicky was just young enough to be +swept off his feet." + +"That must have been before Lil married that unspeakable Morten, the +fellow she divorced, wasn't it?" interrupted the soprano. + +"Yes, it was," the contralto answered. "I don't know whether Dicky has +been half in love with Lil all these years or not, but he certainly +has been her best friend. And now comes the news of his marriage to +somebody the crowd never heard of." + +"Well, I think Lil may say good-by to her Dicky-bird now," returned +the first speaker. "That bride is quite the prettiest piece of flesh +and blood I've seen for many days." + +"She is all of that," agreed the other, "She holds all the best cards, +but you'll find she is too statuesque and dignified to play them. +I saw her face tonight when Lil was talking to her. She is not +accustomed to Lil's kind, and she does not like her friendship with +Dicky." + +"You can't blame her for that," interrupted the soprano. "I am sure I +would not like to see my husband dancing attendance on Lillian Gale." + +"No, of course not," the contralto replied; "but she will be just +fool enough to show Dicky her feelings, and Dicky, who is the soul of +loyalty to his friends, will resent her attitude and try to make it up +to Lil and Harry by being extra nice to them. It's too bad. But then, +these marble statue sort of women always sacrifice their love for +their pride or their fool notions or propriety." + +"It will be as good as a play to watch the developments," the soprano +commented. "Come on, we'll be too late for the curtain." + +I felt suddenly faint, and the room appeared to whirl around me. The +maid touched me on the arm. + +"Are you ill, madame? Here!" and she held a glass of water to my lips. +I drank it and motioned her away. + +"I'll be all right in a moment," I murmured. "Thank you, but I am +quite well." + +So this was what marriage would mean to me, a contest with another +woman for my husband's love! A fierce anger took possession of me. +One moment I regretted my marriage to Dicky, the next I was fiercely +primitive as any savage woman in my desire to crush my rival. I could +have strangled Lillian Gale in that moment. Then common sense came +back to me. What was it that woman had said? I had all the best cards +in my hand? Well! I would play them. I felt sure that Dicky loved +me. I would not jeopardize that love for a temporary pride. I would +eliminate Lillian Gale from Dicky's life, but I would bide my time to +do it. + + + + +IV + +DIVIDED OPINIONS + + +If anybody wishes an infallible recipe for taking the romance out +of life, I can recommend washing a pile of dishes which have been left +over from the day before, especially if there be among them a number +of greasy pots and pans. Restoring order to a badly cluttered room is +another glamour destroyer, but the first prize, I stoutly affirm, goes +to the dishes. + +An especially aggravating collection of romance shatterers awaited +me the morning after our visit to the theatre, and my first encounter +with Lillian Gale. + +Dicky took a hurried breakfast and rushed off to the studio, while I +spent a dreary forenoon washing the dishes and putting the apartment +to rights. I dreaded the discussion with Dicky at luncheon. I +had insisted before my marriage that I must either do most of the +housework, or keep up some of my old work to add to our income. To +have a maid, while I did nothing to justify my existence save keep +myself pretty and entertain Dicky, savored too much to me of the harem +favorite. + +A mother of small children, a woman with a large house, one who had +old people to care for, or whose health was not good, was justified in +having help. But for me, well, strong, with a tiny apartment, and just +Dicky, to employ a maid without myself earning at least enough to pay +for the extra expense of having her--it was simply impossible. I had +been independent too long. The situation was galling. + +The postman's ring interrupted my thoughts. I went to the door, +receiving a number of advertisements, a letter or two for Dicky, and +one, addressed in an unfamiliar handwriting, to myself. I opened it +and read it wonderingly. + + + "My dear Mrs. Graham: + + "Our club is planning a course in history for the coming year. We need + an experienced conductor for the class, which will meet once a week. + Your name has been suggested to us as that of one who might be willing + to take up the work. The compensation will not be as large as that given + by the larger clubs for lectures, as we are a small organization, but I + do not think you will have to devote much of your time to the work + outside of the weekly meeting. + + "Will you kindly let me know when I can meet you and talk this over with + you, if you decide to consider it? + + "Yours very truly, + + "HELEN BRAINERD SMITH, + + "Secretary Lotus Study Club, + + "215 West Washington Avenue." + +Had the solution to my problem come? Armed with this I could talk to +Dicky at luncheon without any fears. + +The receipt of the letter put me in a royal good humor. I did not care +how little the compensation was, although I knew it would be far more +than enough to pay the extra expense of having a maid, an expense +which I was determined to defray. + +Teaching or lecturing upon historical subjects was child's play to +me. I had specialized in it, and had been counted one of the most +successful instructors in that branch in the city. Woman's club work +was new to me, but the husband of one of my friends had once conducted +such a course, and I knew I could get all the information I needed +from him. + +I thought of Dicky's possible objections, but brushed the thought +aside. He had objected to my going on with my regular school work and +I realized that the hours which I would have been compelled to give to +that work would have conflicted seriously with our home life. But here +was something that would take me away from home so little. + + * * * * * + +"About that servant question," I began, after Dicky was comfortably +settled and smiling over his cigar. "I will employ one, a first-class, +really competent housekeeper, if you will make no objection to this." + +I opened the letter and handed it to him. He read it through, his face +growing angrier at every line. When he had finished he threw it on the +floor. + +"Well, I guess not," he exclaimed. "I know that club game; it's the +limit. There's nothing in it. They'll pay only a beggarly sum, and +you'll be tied to that same afternoon once a week for a year. Suppose +we had something we wanted to do on that day? We would have to let it +go hang." + +"I suppose if we had something we wanted to do on a day when you had +a commission to execute you would leave your work and go," I answered +quietly. + +"That's entirely different," returned Dicky. "I'm responsible for the +support of this family. You are not. All you have to do is to enjoy +yourself and make home comfortable for me." + +We were interrupted by the door bell. Dicky went to the door while I +hastily dropped the portiers between the living room and the dining +room. I heard Dicky's deep voice in greeting. + +"This is good of you, Lil," and Lillian Gale came into the room with +outstretched hand. + +"Perhaps I shouldn't have come so soon," she said, "but you see I am +bound to know you, even if Dicky does spirit you away when we want you +to join us." + +She threw him a laughing glance as she clasped my hand. + +"I am so glad you have come," I said cordially, but inwardly I +fiercely resented her intrusion, as I deemed it. + +But what was my horror to hear Dicky say casually: + +"You've come at a most opportune time, Lil. Madge has had an offer +from some woman's club to do a lecturing stunt on history, her +specialty, you know, and she wants to take it. I wish you'd help me +persuade her out of it." + +"I cannot imagine why we should trouble Mrs. Underwood with so +personal a matter," I heard myself saying faintly. + +Mrs. Underwood laughed boisterously. "Why, I'm one of the family, my +dear child," she said heartily. Then she looked at me keenly. + +"I might have known that one man would have no chance with two women," +Dicky growled. His tone held capitulation. I knew I had won my battle. +But was it my victory or this woman's I so detested? + +"Don't let this man bully you," she advised half-laughingly. "He's +perfectly capable of it. I know him. By all means accept the offer if +you think it's worth while. All these husbands are a bit archaic yet, +you know. They don't realize that women have joined the human race." + +"Come, Dicky-bird," she rattled on as she saw his darkening face. +"Don't be silly. You'll have to give in. You're just 50 years behind +the times, you know." + +During the remainder of Mrs. Underwood's brief call she ignored Dicky, +and devoted herself to me. There is no denying the fact that she has +great charm when she chooses to exercise it. Dicky, however, appeared +entirely oblivious of it, sitting in moody silence until she rose to +go. + +"You ought to preserve that grouch," she carelessly advised, as he +stood holding the door open for her. "Carefully corked in a glass +jar, it ought to keep to be given to your grandchildren as a horrible +example." + +Dicky grinned reluctantly and bowed low as she passed out of the room +with a cordial adieu to me, but no sooner had the door closed behind +her than he turned to me angrily. + +"Look here, Madge," he exclaimed, "are you really in earnest about +taking that blasted position?" + +"Why! of course I am," I answered. "It seems providential, coming +just as you insist upon having the maid. I can engage one with a clear +conscience now." + +Dicky sprang to his feet with a muttered word that sounded +suspiciously like an oath, and began to walk rapidly up and down the +room, his hands behind his back, and his face dark with anger. Up +and down, up and down he paced, while I, sitting quietly in my chair, +waited, nerving myself for the scene I anticipated. + +When it came, however, it surprised me with the turn it took. Dicky +stopped suddenly in his pacing, and coming swiftly over to me, dropped +on one knee beside my chair and put his arms around me. + +"Sweetheart," he said softly, "I don't want to quarrel about this, nor +do I wish to be unreasonable about it. But, really, it means an awful lot +to me. I don't want you to do it. Won't you give it up for me?" + +I returned Dicky's kiss, and held him tightly as I answered: + +"Dear boy, I'll think it over very carefully. If I possibly can, I +will do as you wish. But, remember, I say if I can. I haven't made you +a definite promise yet." + +"But you will, I know; that's my own dear girl. Good-by. I'll have to +rush back to the studio now." + +Dicky's tone was light and confident as he rose. Life always has been +easy for Dicky. I heard him say once he never could remember the time +when he didn't get his own way. + + + + +V + +"ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + +As soon as Dicky had left the house I cleared away the dishes and +washed them and prepared a dessert for dinner. Then, finding the want +advertisements of the Sunday papers, I looked carefully through the +columns headed "Situations Wanted, Female." + +I clipped the advertisements and fastened each neatly to a sheet of +notepaper. Then I wrote beneath each one: "Please call Thursday or +Friday. Ask for Mrs. Richard Graham, Apartment 4, 46 East Twenty-ninth +street." + +I addressed the envelopes properly, inserted the answers in the +envelopes, sealed and stamped them, then ran out to the post box on +the corner with them. I walked back very slowly, for there was +nothing more that needed to be done, and I could put off no longer the +settling of my problem. + +I locked the door of my room, pulled down the shade and, exchanging my +house dress for a comfortable negligee, lay down upon my bed to think +things out. + +I tried to put myself in Dicky's place, and to understand his reasons +for objecting to my earning any money of my own. I sat upright in bed +as a thought flashed across my brain. Was that the reason? Were his +objections to this plan of mine what he pretended they were? Did he +really fear that I might have unpleasant publicity thrust upon me, and +that some of our pleasure plans might be spoiled by the weekly lecture +engagement? Or was he the type of man who could not bear his wife to +have money or plans or even thoughts which did not originate with him? + +I resolved to find out just what motive was behind his objections. If +he were willing that I should try to earn money in some other way +I would gladly refuse this offer. But if he were opposed to my ever +having any income of my own the issue might as well come now as later. + +A loud ringing at the doorbell awakened me. + +For a moment I could not understand how I came to be in bed. Then +I remembered and throwing off my negligee and putting on a little +afternoon gown, I twisted up my hair into a careless knot and hurried +to the door. The ring had been the postman's. The afternoon newspapers +lay upon the floor. With them was a letter with my former name upon +it in a handwriting that I knew. It had been forwarded from my old +boarding house. The superscription looked queer to me, as if it were +the name of some one I had known long ago. + +"Miss Margaret Spencer," and then, in the crabbed handwriting of my +dear old landlady, "care of Mrs. Richard Graham." + +I opened the letter slowly. It bore a New Orleans heading, and a date +three days before. + + "Dear little girl: + + "A year is a long time between letters, isn't it? But you know I told + you when I left that the chances were Slim for getting a letter back + from the wild territory where I was going, and I found when I reached + there that 'slim' was hardly the word. I wrote you twice, but have + no hope that the letters ever reached you. But now I am back in God's + country, or shall be when I get North, and of course, my first line + is to you. I am writing this to the old place, knowing it will be + forwarded if you have left there. + + "I shall be in New York two weeks from today, the 24th. Of course I + shall go to my old diggings. Telephone me there, so that I can see you + as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a real dinner, at a real + restaurant, with the realest girl in the world opposite me the first + day I strike New York, so get ready for me. I do hope you have been + well and as cheerful as possible. I know what a struggle this year + must have been for you. + + "Till I see you, dear, always your + + "JACK." + +I finished the reading of the letter with mingled feelings of joy and +dismay. Joy was the stronger, however. Dear old Jack was safe at home. +But there were adjustments which I must make. I had my marriage to +explain to Jack, and Jack to explain to Dicky. Nothing but this letter +could have so revealed to me the strength of the infatuation for Dicky +which had swept me off my feet and resulted in my marriage after only +a six months' acquaintance. Reading it I realized that the memory of +Jack had been so pushed into the background during the past six months +that I never had thought to tell Dicky about him. + +"You've made a great conquest," said Dicky that evening when we were +finishing dinner, "Lil thinks you're about the nicest little piece of +calico she has ever measured--those were her own words. She's planning +a frolic for the crowd some night at your convenience." + +"That is awfully kind of her. Where did you see her." I prided myself +on my careless tone, but Dicky gave me a shrewd glance. + +"Why, at the studio, of course. Her studio is on the same floor as +mine, you know. Atwood and Barker and she and I are all on one floor, +and we often have a dish of tea together when we are not rushed." + +I busied myself with the coffee machine until I could control my +voice. How I hated these glimpses of the intimate friendship which +must exist between my husband and this woman! + +"I suppose we ought to have them all over some night," I said at last, +"but I'll have to add a few things to our equipment, and wait until I +get a maid." + +"That will be fine," Dicky assented cordially, pushing back his chair. +"Did the papers come? I'll look them over for a little. Whistle when +you're ready and I'll wipe the dishes for you." + +He strolled into the living room, and I suddenly remembered that I +had laid my letter from Jack on the table, with its pages scattered so +that any one picking them up could not help seeing them. + +I had forgotten all about the letter. I had meant to show it to Dicky +after I had explained about Jack. It was not quite the letter for a +bridegroom to find without expectation. I realized that. + +I could not get the letter without attracting his attention. I waited, +every nerve tense, listening to the sounds in the next room. I heard +the rustling of the newspaper; then a sudden silence told me his +attention had been arrested by something. Would he read the letter? I +did not think so. I knew his sense of honor was too keen for that, but +I remembered that the last page with its signature was at the top of +the sheets as I laid them down. That was enough to make any loving +husband reflect a bit. + +How would Dicky take it? I wondered. I was soon to know. I Heard +him crush the paper in his hand, then come quickly to the kitchen. I +pretended to be busy with the dishes, but he strode over to me, and +clutching me by the shoulder with a grip that hurt, thrust the letter +before my face, and said hoarsely: + +"What does this mean?" + +The last words of Jack's letter danced before my eyes, Dicky's hand +was shaking so. + +"Till I see you, dear. Always Jack." + +Dicky's face was not a pleasant sight. It repulsed and disgusted me. +Subconsciously I was contrasting the way in which he calmly expected +me to accept his friendship for Lillian Gale, and his behavior over +this letter. Five minutes earlier I would have explained to him fully. +I resolved now to put my friendship for Jack upon the same basis as +his for Mrs. Underwood. + +So I looked at him coolly. "Have you read the letter?" I asked +quietly. + +"You know I have not read the letter." he snarled. "It lay on the +papers. I could not help but see this--this--whatever it is," he +finished lamely, "and I have come straight to you for an explanation." + +"Better read the letter," I advised quietly. "I give you full +permission." + +I could have laughed at Dicky, if I had been less angry. He was so +like an angry, curious child in his eagerness to know everything about +Jack. + +"You have no brother. Is this man a relative?" + +"No," I returned demurely. + +"An old lover then, I suppose a confident one, I should judge by the +tone of the letter. Won't it be too cruel a blow to him when he finds +his dear little girl is married?" + +Dicky's tone fairly dripped with irony. "He will be surprised +certainly," I answered, "but as he never was my lover, I don't think +it will be any blow to him." + +"Who is he, anyway? Why have you never told me about him? What does he +look like?" + +Dicky fairly shot the questions at me. I turned and went into my room. +There I rummaged in a box of old photographs until I found two fairly +good likenesses of Jack. I carried them to the kitchen and put them in +Dicky's hands. He glared at them, then threw them on the table. + +"Humph! Looks like a gorilla with the mumps," he growled. "Who is this +precious party, then, if he is not a lover or a relative?" + +"He is an old and dear friend. His friendship means as much to me +as--well--say Lillian Gale's means to you." + +Dicky stared at me a long, long look as if he had just discovered me. +Then he turned on his heel. + +"Well, I'll be--" I did not find out what he would be, for he went out +and slammed the door. + +I sat down to a humiliating half-hour's thought. It isn't a bad idea +at times to "loaf and invite your soul," and then cast up account with +it. My account looked pretty discouraging. + +Dicky and I had been married a little over two weeks. Two weeks +of idiotically happy honeymooning, and then the last three days of +quarrels, reconciliations, jealousies, petty bickerings and the shadow +of real issues between us. + +Was this marriage--heights of happiness, depths of despair, with the +humdrum of petty differences between? + + + + +VI + +A MAID AND MODEL + + +The chiming of the clock an hour after Dicky had gone to the studio +after our little noon dinner next day warned me that I was not dressed +and that the cooks whose advertisements I had answered might call at +any minute. I dressed and arranged my hair. Just as I put in the last +hairpin the bell rang. + +Two women, covertly eyeing each other with suspicion, stood in the +hallway when I opened the door. To my invitation to come in each +responded "Thank you," and the entrance of both was quiet. When they +sat down in the chairs I drew forward for them I mentally appraised +them for a moment. + +One was a middle-aged woman of the strongly marked German type. Clean, +trig, grim, she spelled efficiency in every line of her body. The +other, a tall Polish girl, of perhaps 22, was also extremely neat, but +her pretty brown hair was blown around her face and her blue eyes were +fairly dancing with eagerness, in contrast to the stolid expression of +the other woman. As I faced them, the older woman compressed her lips +in a thin line, while the girl smiled at me in friendly fashion. + +"You came in answer to the advertisements?" I queried. + +The older woman silently held forth my letter and two or three other +papers pinned together. I saw that they were references written in +varying feminine chirography. Her silence was almost uncanny. + +"Oh, yes, Misses," the Polish girl exclaimed. "I put my--what do you +call it? My--" + +"Advertisement," I suggested, smiling. Her good-nature was infectious. + +"Oh, yes, ad-ver-tise-ment, in the paper, Sunday. Today your letter +came, the first letter. I guess hard times now. Nobody wants maids. +I come right queeck. I can do good work, very good. I have good +references. You got maid yet?" + +"Not yet," I answered, and turned to the other woman. + +According to all my theories and my training I should have chosen the +older woman. Efficiency always has been an idol of mine. It was my +slogan in my profession. It is my humiliation that I seem to have +none of it in my housework. The German woman evidently was capable of +administering my household much better than I could do it. Perhaps it +was because of this very reason that I found myself repelled by her, +and subtly drawn by the younger woman's smiling enthusiasm. + +"Have you much company, and does your husband bring home friends +without notice?" The older woman's harsh tones broke in. + +The questions turned the scale. From the standpoint of strict +justice, the standard from which I always had tried to reason, she was +perfectly justified in asking the questions before she took the place. +But intuition told me that our home life would be a dreary thing with +this martinet in the kitchen. + +"That will not trouble you," I said, "for I do not believe I wish your +services. Here is your car fare, and thank you for coming." + +The woman took the car fare with the same stolidity she had shown +through the whole interview. "I do not think I would like you for a +madam, either," she said quietly as she went out. + +The Polish girl bounced from her seat as soon as the door was closed. + +"She no good to talk to you like that," she exclaimed. "She old crank, +anyway. You not like her. See me--I young, strong; I cook, wash, iron, +clean. I do everything. You do notting. I cook good, too; not so much +fancy, but awful good. My last madam, I with her one year. She sick, +go South yesterday. She cry, say 'I so sorry, Katie; you been so good +to me.' I cry, too. Read what she say about me." + +I could read between the lines of the rather odd letter of +recommendation the girl handed me. I had dealt with many girls of +Katie's type in my teaching days. I knew the childish temper, the +irritating curiosity, the petty jealousy, the familiarity which one +not understanding would deem impertinence, with which I would have +to contend if I engaged her. But the other applicant for my work, the +grim vision who had just left, decided me. I would try this eager girl +if her terms were reasonable--and they were. + +As I preceded her into the kitchen I had a sudden qualm. I knew +Dicky's fastidious taste, and that underneath all his good-natured +unconventionality he had rigid ideas of his own upon some topics. I +happened to remember that nothing made him so nervous and irritable +as bad service in a restaurant. His idea of a good waiter was a +well-trained automaton with no eyes or ears. How would he like this +enthusiastic, irrepressible girl? It was too late now, however. I was +committed to a week of her service. + +I had a luxurious afternoon. Katie in the kitchen sang softly over her +work some minor-cadenced Polish folk-song, and I nestled deep in +an armchair by the sunniest window, dipped deep into the pages of +magazines and newspapers which I had not read. I realized with a +start that I was out of touch with the doings of the outside world, +something which had not happened to me before for years, save in the +few awful days of my mother's last illness. I really must catch up +again. + +I was so deep in a vivid description of the desolation in Belgium that +I did not hear Dicky enter. I started as he kissed me. + +"Headache better, sweetheart?" he added, lover-like remembering +and making much of the slight headache I had had when he left that +morning. "It must be, or you wouldn't be able to read that horror." He +closed the magazine playfully and drew me to my feet. + +"I am perfectly well," I replied, "and I have good news for you. We +have a maid, a trifle rough in her manner, but one who I think will be +very good." + +"That's fine," Dicky said heartily. "I'd much rather come home to find +you comfortably reading than scorching your face and reddening your +hands in a kitchen." + +"Say, Missis Graham!" + +Katie came swiftly into the room, and I heard an exclamation of +surprise from Dicky. + +"Why, Katie, wherever did you come from?" + +But Katie, with a scream of fear, her face white with terror, backed +into the kitchen. I heard her opening the door where she had put her +hat and cloak, then the slamming of the kitchen door. + +I looked at Dicky in amazement. What did it all mean? + +He caught up his hat and dashed to the front door. + +"Quick, Madge!" he called. "Follow her out the kitchen door as fast as +you can. I'll meet you at the servant's entrance! I wouldn't let her +get away for a hundred dollars!" + +I obeyed Dicky's instructions, but with a feeling of disgust creeping +over me. I have always hated a scene, and this performance savored too +much of moving picture melodrama to suit me. + +I hurried down the two flights of stairs and on toward the servant's +entrance. I was almost there when Katie came flying back, almost into +my arms. + +"Oh, Missis Graham," she moaned. + +"You kind lady. I pay it all back. I always have it with me. Don't let +him put me in prison. I work, work my fingers to the bone for you. If +you only not let him put me in prison." + +Dicky came up behind us. As she saw him she shrank closer to me in a +pitiful, frightened way, and put out both her hands as if to push him +away. + +"Don't be frightened, Katie," he said. Come to the house and tell me +about it." + +"Bring her into the living room and get her quieted before I talk to +her," suggested Dicky, as he disappeared into his room after I had got +her upstairs. + +Bewildered and displeased at this bizarre situation which had been +thrust upon me, I ushered Katie into the living room and removed her +hat and coat. She trembled violently. + +I went to the dining room and from a decanter in the sideboard poured +a glass of wine and, bringing it back, pressed it to her lips. She +drank it, and the color gradually came back to her face and the +twitching of her muscles lessened. + +When she was calmer I took her hands in mine and, looking her full +in the face in the manner which I had sometimes used to quiet an +hysterical pupil, I said slowly: + +"Listen to me, Katie. You are not going to be put in prison. Mr. +Graham will not harm you in the least. But he wishes to talk to you, +and you must listen to what he has to say." + +Her answer was to seize my hand and cover it with tearful kisses. I +detest any exhibition of emotion, and this girl's utter abandonment +to whatever grief or terror was hers irritated me. But I tried not to +show my feelings. I merely patted her head and said: + +"Come, Katie, you must stop this and listen to Mr. Graham." + +Katie obediently wiped her eyes and sat up very straight. + +"I am all right now," she said quaveringly. "He can come. I tell him +everything." + +Still very nervous but calmer than she had been, Katie remained quiet +when I raised my voice to reach Dicky waiting in the adjoining room. + +"Oh, Dicky," I called, "you may come now." + +Dicky drew a low chair in front of the couch where we sat. + +"Tell me first, Katie," he said kindly, "why do you think I want to +put you in prison? Because of the money? Never mind that. I want to +talk to you of something else." + +But Katie was hysterically tugging at the neck of her gown. From +inside her bodice she took a tiny chamois skin bag, and ripping it +open took out a carefully folded bill and handed it to Dicky. + +"I never spend that money," she said. "I never mean to steal it. But +I had to go away queeck from your flat and I never, never dare come +back, give you the money. After two month, send my cousin to the flat, +but he say you move, no know where. There I always keep the money +here. I think maybe some time I find out where you live and write a +letter to you, send the money." + +Dicky took the bill and unfolded it curiously. A brown stain ran +irregularly across one-half of it. + +"Well, I'll be eternally blessed," he ejaculated, "if it isn't the +identical bill I gave her. Ten-dollar bills were not so plentiful +three years ago, and I remember this one so distinctly because of the +stain. The boys used to say I must have murdered somebody to get it, +and that it was stained with blood." + +He turned to Katie again. + +"The money is nothing, Katie. Why did you run away that day? I never +have been able to finish that picture since." + +Katie's eyes dropped. Her cheeks flushed. + +"I 'shamed to tell," she murmured. + +Dicky muttered an oath beneath his breath. "I thought so," he said +slowly, then he spoke sternly: + +"Never mind being ashamed to tell, Katie. I want the truth. I worked +at your portrait that morning, and then I had to go to the studio. +When I came back you had gone, bag and baggage, and with, the money I +gave you to pay the tailor. I never could finish that picture, and it +would have brought me a nice little sum." + +My brain was whirling by this time. Dicky in a flat with this ignorant +Polish girl paying his tailor bills, and posing for portraits. What +did it all mean? + +"Where did you go?" Dicky persisted. + +Katie lifted her head and looked at him proudly. + +"You know when you left that morning, Mr. Lestaire, he was painting, +too? Well, Mr. Graham, I always good girl in old country and here. I +go to confession. I always keep good. Mr. Lestaire, he kiss me, say +bad tings to me. He scare me. I afraid if I stay I no be good girl. +So I run queeck away. I never dare come bade. That Mr. Lestaire he one +bad man, one devil." + +Dicky whistled softly. + +"So that was it?" he said. "Well that was just about what that +pup would do. That was one reason I got out of our housekeeping +arrangements. He set too swift a pace for me, and that was going some +in those days." + +He turned to Katie, smiling. + +"You see you don't have to be afraid any more. I'm a respectable +married man now, and it's perfectly safe for you to work here. Mrs. +Graham will take care of you. Run along about your work now, that's a +good girl." + +Katie giggled appreciatively. Her mercurial temperament had already +sent her from the depths to the heights. + +"The dinner all spoiled while I cry like a fool," she said. "You ready +pretty soon. I serve." + +She hastened to the kitchen, and I turned to Dicky inquiringly. + +"I suppose you think you have gotten into a lunatic asylum, Madge. Of +all the queer things that Katie should apply for a job here and that +you should take her." + +"I didn't know you ever kept house in a flat before, Dicky." + +"It was a very short experience," he returned, "only three months. +Four of us, Lester, Atwood, Bates and myself pooled our rather scanty +funds and rented a small apartment. We advertised for a general +housekeeper, and Katie answered the advertisement. She had been over +from Poland only a year at a cousin's somewhere on the East side, +and she used to annoy us awfully getting to the flat so early in the +morning and cleaning our living room while we were trying to sleep. +But she was a crack-a-jack worker, so we put up with her superfluous +energy in cleaning. Then one day I discovered her standing with +a letter in her hand looking off into space with her eyes full of +misery. She had heard of some relative." + +"Of course you wanted to paint her," I suggested. + +"You bet," Dicky returned. "The idea came to me in a flash. You +can see what a heroic figure she was. I had her get into her Polish +dress--she had brought one with her from the old country--and I +painted her as Poland--miserable, unhappy Poland. Gee! but I'm glad +you happened to run across her. We'll put up with anything from her +until I get that picture done." + +Try as I might I could not share Dicky's enthusiasm. I knew it was +petty, but the idea of my maid acting as Dicky's model jarred my ideas +of the fitness of things. + +But I had sense enough to hold my peace. + + + + +VII + +A FRIENDLY WARNING + + +I know of nothing more exasperating to a hostess than to have her +guests come to her home too early. It is bad enough to wait a meal for +a belated guest, but to have some critical woman casually stroll in +before one is dressed, or has put the final touches--so dear to every +housewifely heart--on all the preparations, is simply maddening. + +I am no exception to the rule. As I heard the voices of Lillian Gale +and her husband and I realized that they had arrived at 3:30 in the +afternoon, when they had been invited for an evening chafing dish +supper, I was both disheartened and angry. + +But, of course, there was but one thing to do, much as I hated to do +it. I must go into the living room and cordially welcome these people. +As I slipped off my kitchen apron I thought of the hypocrisy which +marks most social intercourse. What I really wanted to say to my +guests was this: + +"Please go home and come again at the proper time. I am not ready to +receive you now." + +I had a sudden whimsical vision of the faces of Dicky and the +Underwoods if I should thus speak my real thoughts. The thought +in some curious fashion made it easier for me to cross the room to +Lillian Gale's side, extend my hand and say cordially: + +"How good of you to come this afternoon!" + +"I know it is unpardonable," Lillian's high pitched voice answered. +"You invited us for the evening, not for the afternoon, but I told +Harry that I was going to crucify the conventions and come over early, +so I would have a chance to say more than two words to you before the +rest get here." + +Harry Underwood elbowed his wife away from my side with a playful +push, and held out his hand. His brilliant, black eyes looked down +into mine with the same lazy approving expression that I had resented +when Dicky introduced me to him at the theatre. + +I cudgelled my brain in vain for some airy nothing with which to +answer his nonsense. I never have had the gift of repartee. I can talk +well enough about subjects that interest me when I am conversing with +some one whom I know well, but the frothy persiflage, the light banter +that forms the conversation's stock in trade of so many women, is an +alien tongue to me. + +"You are just as welcome as Mrs. Underwood is," I said heartily at +last. Fortunately he did not read the precisely honest meaning hidden +in my words. + +"Come on, Harry, into my room," urged Dicky, taking him by the arm. +"I've got a special brand cached in there, and had to hide it so mein +frau wouldn't drink it up." + +I suppose my face reflected the dismay I felt at this intimation that +the women would begin drinking so early. I feared for the repetition +of the experience of Friday evening. But the laws of conventions and +hospitality bound me. I felt that I could not protest. Mrs. Underwood +apparently had no such scruples. She clutched Dicky by the arm and +swung him around facing her. + +"Now, see here, my Dicky-bird," she began, "you begin this special +bottle kind of business and I walk out of here. I should think you and +Harry would have had enough of this the other evening. We came over +here today for a little visit, and tonight we'll sit on either the +water wagon or the beer wagon, just as Mrs. Graham says. But you boys +won't start any of these special drinks, or I'll know the reason why." + +"Oh, cut it out, Lil," her husband said, not crossly, but +mechanically, as if it were a phrase he often used. But Dicky laughed +down at her, although I knew by the look in his eyes that he was much +annoyed. + +"All right, Lil," he said easily. "I suppose Madge will fall in +gratitude on your neck for this when she gets you into the seclusion +of her room. You haven't any objection to our having a teenty-weenty +little smoke, have you, mamma dear?" + +"Go as far as you like," she returned, ignoring the sneers. + +As I turned and led the way to my room, I was conscious of curiously +mingled emotions. Relief at the elimination of the special bottle with +its inevitable consequences and resentment that Dicky should so +weakly obey the dictum of another woman, battled with each other. But +stronger than either was a dawning wonder. From the conversation I +had overheard in the theatre dressing-room and trifling things in +Mrs. Underwood's own conduct, I had been led to believe that she was +sentimentally interested in Dicky, and that some time in the future +I might have to battle with her for his affections. But her speech to +him which I had just heard savored more of the mother laying down +the law to a refractory child than it did of anything approaching +sentiment. Could it be, I told myself, that I had been mistaken? + +Our husbands looked exceedingly comfortable when we rejoined them, for +they were smoking vigorously and discussing the merits of two boxers +Mr. Underwood had recently seen. As we entered the room both men, +of course, sprang to their feet, and I had a moment's opportunity to +contrast their appearance. + +Dicky is slender, lithe, with merry brown eyes and thick, brown hair, +with a touch of auburn in it, and just enough suspicion of a curl to +give him several minutes' hard brushing each day trying to keep it +down. Harry Underwood, taller even than Dicky, who is above the medium +height, is massive in frame, well built, muscular, with black hair +tinged with gray, and the blackest, most piercing eyes I have ever +seen. I was proud of Dicky as I stood looking at them, while +Lillian exchanged some merry nonsense with Dicky, but I also had to +acknowledge that Harry Underwood was a splendid specimen of manhood. + +As if he had read my thoughts, his eyes caught mine and held them. To +all appearances he was listening to the banter of Dicky and his wife, +but there was an inscrutable look in his eyes, an enigmatical smile +upon his lips, as he looked at me that vaguely troubled me. His +glance, his smile, seemed significant somehow, as if we were old +friends who held some humorous experience in common remembrance. And I +had never seen him but once before in my life. + +I shrugged my shoulders, ever so slightly. It is a habit of mine when +I am displeased, or wish to throw off some unpleasant sensation of +memory. I was almost unconscious of having used the gesture. But +Harry Underwood crossed the room as if it had been a signal, and stood +looking down quizzically at me. + +"Little lady," he began, "you shouldn't hold a grudge so well. It +doesn't harmonize with your eyes and your mouth. They were meant for +kindness, not severity. If there is any way that I can show you I am +humbled to the dust for coming here I'll do any penance you say." + +"You must be mistaken, Mr. Underwood." I strove to control my voice. +"I have no grudge whatever against you, so you see you are absolved in +advance from my penance." + +"Will you shake hands on it?" He put out his large, white, beautifully +formed hand and grasped mine before I had half extended it. + +I felt myself flushing hotly. Of all the absolutely idiotic things +in the world, this standing hand in hand with Harry Underwood, in a +formal pact of friendship or forgiveness or whatever he imagined the +hand-clasp signified, was the most ridiculous. He was quick enough +to fathom my distaste, but he clasped my hand tighter and, bending +slightly so that he could look straight into my eyes he said, lazily +smiling: + +"You are the most charming prevaricator I know. You come pretty near +to hating me, little lady. But you won't dislike me long. I'll make a +bet with myself on that." + +"Hold that pose just a minute. Don't move. It's simply perfect." + +Lillian Underwood's merry voice interrupted her husband's declaration. +With clever mimicry she struck the attitude of a nervous photographer +just ready to close the shutter of his camera. Dicky stood just behind +her too, also smiling, but while Lillian's merriment evidently was +genuine, I detected a distaste for the proceedings behind Dicky's +smile, which I knew was forced. + +Lillian slipped in an imaginary plate, then springing to one side +stood pretending to clasp the bulb of the shutter in her hand, while +she counted: "One, two, three, four, five--thank you!" + +"Now if you will just change your expressions," she rattled on. +"Harry, why don't you take both her hands? Then if Mrs. Graham will +smile a little we will have a sentimental gem, or if she makes her +expression even a trifle more disapproving than it is I can label it, +'Unhand me, villain.'" + +"I never take a dare," returned her husband, and snatched my other +hand. But I was really angry by this time, and I wrenched my hands +away with an effort and threw my head a trifle haughtily, although +fortunately I was able to control my words: + +"Do you know, people, that there will be no food for you tonight +unless I busy myself with its preparations immediately? Mrs. +Underwood, won't you entertain those boys and excuse me for a little +while?" + +I went into the dining room and put on the kitchen apron I had taken +off when I heard the voices of my early guests. Almost immediately +Lillian appeared arrayed in the apron I had given her. She came up to +the table and surveyed it with appraising eyes. + +"I am glad of this chance to speak with you alone, for I want to +explain to you about him." + +She stopped with an embarrassed flush. I gazed at her in amazement. +Lillian Underwood flustered! I could not believe my eyes. + +"You are not used to us or our ways, or I shouldn't bother to tell you +this. But I can see that you are much annoyed at Harry, and I don't +blame you. But you mustn't mind him. He is really harmless. He falls +in love with every new face he sees, has a violent attack, then gets +over it just as quickly. You are an entirely new type to him, so I +suppose his attack this time will be a little more prolonged. He'll +make violent love to you behind my back or before my face, but you +mustn't mind him. I understand, and I'll straighten him out when he +gets too annoying." + +The embarrassed flush had disappeared by this time. She was talking +in as cool and matter-of-fact manner as if she had been discussing the +defection of a cook. + +My first emotion was resentment against my husband. + +Why, I asked myself passionately, had Dicky insisted upon my +friendship with these people? Suppose they were his most intimate +friends? I was his wife, and I had nothing whatever in common with +them. Knowing them as well as he did, he must have known Harry +Underwood's propensities. He must also have known the gossip that +connected his own name with Lillian's. He should have guarded me from +any contact with them. I felt my anger fuse to a white heat against +both my husband and Lillian. + +An ugly suspicion crossed my mind. Lillian Gale's absolute calmness +in the face of her husband's wayward affections was unique in my +experience of women. Was the secret of her indifference, a lack of +interest in her own husband or an excess of interest in mine? Did she +hope perhaps to gain ground with Dicky with the development of this +situation? Was her warning to me only part of a cunningly constructed +plan, whereby she would stimulate my interest in Harry Underwood? + +I was ashamed of my thoughts even as they came to me. Lillian Gale +seemed too big a woman, too frank and honest of countenance for such +a subterfuge. But I could not help feeling all my old distrust and +dislike of the woman rush over me. I had a struggle to keep my voice +from being tinged with the dislike I felt as I answered her: + +"I am sure you must be mistaken, Mrs. Underwood. Such a possibility as +that would be unspeakably annoying We will not consider it." + +"I think you will find you will have to consider it," she returned +brusquely, with a curious glance at me "But we do not need to spoil +our afternoon discussing it." + + + + +VIII + +A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + +It was well after 7 o'clock when the ringing of the door bell told me +that the Lesters had come. Dicky welcomed them and introduced me +to them. Mrs. Lester was a pretty creature, birdlike, in her small +daintiness, and a certain chirpy brightness. I judged that her +mentality equalled the calibre of a sparrow, but I admitted also that +the fact did not detract from her attractiveness. She was the sort of +woman to be protected, to be cherished. + +"I'm afraid I shall be very dull tonight. I am so worried about +leaving the baby. She's only six months old, you know, and, I have had +my mother with me ever since she was born until two weeks ago, so I +have never left her with a maid before. This girl we have appears very +competent, says she is used to babies, but I just can't help being as +nervous as a cat." + +"Are you still worrying about that baby?" Mrs. Underwood's loud voice +sounded behind us. "Now, look here, Daisy, have a little common sense. +You have had that maid over a year; she has been with your mother and +you since the baby was born; there's a telephone at her elbow, and you +are only five blocks away from home. Wasn't the child well when you +left?" + +"Sleeping just like a kitten," the proud mother answered. "You just +ought to have seen her, one little hand all cuddled up against her +face. I just couldn't bear to leave her." + +Over Lillian Gale's face swept a swift spasm of pain. So quickly was +it gone that I would not have noticed it, had not my eyes happened to +rest on her face when Mrs. Lester spoke of her baby. Was there a child +in that hectic past of hers? I decided there must be. + +"Why don't you telephone now and satisfy yourself that the baby is all +right, and instruct the maid to call you if she sees anything unusual +about her?" I queried. + +"Tell her you are going to telephone every little while. Then she will +be sure to keep on the job," cynically suggested Mrs. Underwood. + +"Oh, that will be just splendid," chirped Mrs. Lester. "Thank you so +much, Mrs. Graham. Where is the telephone?" + +"Dicky will get the number for you," said Mrs. Underwood, ushering her +into the living room. I heard her shrill voice. + +"Oh, Dicky-bird, please get Mrs. Lester's apartment for her. She wants +to be sure the baby's all right." + +Then I heard a deeper voice. "For heaven's sake, Daisy, don't make a +fool of yourself. The kid's all right." That was Mr. Lester's voice, +of course. Neither the tones of Dicky nor Harry Underwood had the +disagreeable whining timbre of this man's. + +Lillian's retort made me smile, it was so characteristic of her. + +"Who unlocked the door of your cage, anyway? Get back in, and if you +growl again tonight there will be no supper for you." + +We all laughed and I went to help Katie put the finishing touches to +our dinner. When I returned Mrs. Lester was seated in an armchair in +the corner as if on a throne, with Harry Underwood in an attitude of +exaggerated homage before her. + +I felt suddenly out of it all, lonely. These people were nothing +to me, I said to myself. They were not my kind. I had a sudden +homesickness for the quiet monotony of my life before I married Dicky. +I thought of the few social evenings I had spent in the days before +I met Dicky, little dinners with the principals and teachers I had +known, when I had been the centre of things, when my opinions had been +referred to, as Lillian Gale's were now. + +I went through the rest of the evening in a daze of annoyance and +regret from which I did not fully emerge until we were all at the +dinner table, with Dicky officiating at the chafing dish. Then +suddenly Mrs. Lester turned to me, her face filled with nervous fears. + +"Oh, Mrs. Graham, I don't believe I can wait for anything. I am +getting so nervous about baby. I know it's awful to be so silly, but I +just can't help it." + +"Daisy!" Her husband's voice was stern, his face looked angry. "Do +stop that nonsense. We are certainly not going home now." + +His wife seemed to shrink into herself. Her pretty face, with its +worried look, was like that of a little girl grieving over a doll. I +felt a sudden desire to comfort her. + +"I think you are worrying yourself unnecessarily, Mrs. Lester," I said +in an undertone. We were sitting next each other, and I could speak to +her without her husband overhearing. "When you telephoned the maid an +hour ago, the baby was all right, wasn't she?" + +"Yes, I know," she returned dejectedly. "But I have heard such +dreadful things about maids neglecting babies left in their care. +Suppose she should leave her alone in the apartment, and something +should catch fire and--" + +"See here, Daisy!" Lillian Gale joined our group, coffee cup in hand. +"Drink your coffee and your cordial. Then pretty soon, if you feel you +really must go, I'll gather up Harry and start for home. Then you can +make Frank go." + +"You are awfully good, Lillian." Mrs. Lester looked gratefully up at +the older woman. "I know I am as silly as I can be, but you can't know +how I am imagining every dreadful thing in the calendar." + +"I know all about it," Mrs. Underwood returned shortly, almost curtly, +and walked away toward the group of men at the other side of the +apartment. + +"I never knew that she ever had a child." Mrs. Lester's eyes were wide +with amazement as they met mine. + +"Neither did I." Purposely I made my tone non-committal. From the look +in Lillian Gale's eyes when Mrs. Lester told us in my room of the way +the baby looked asleep, I knew that some time she must have had a baby +of her own in her arms. + +But I detest gossip, no matter how kindly--if, indeed, gossip can ever +be termed kindly. I could not discuss Mrs. Underwood's affairs with +any one, especially when she was a guest of mine. + +"But she must have had a baby some time," persisted little Mrs. +Lester. Her anxiety about her own baby appeared to be forgotten for +the moment. "It must have been a child of that awful man she divorced, +or who divorced her. I never did get that story right." + +I looked around the room. How I wished some one would interrupt our +talk. I could not listen to Mrs. Lester's prattle without answering +her, and I did not wish to express any opinion on the subject. + +As if answering my unspoken wish, Harry Underwood rose and came toward +me. + +"Were you looking for me?" he queried audaciously. + +I had a sudden helpless, angry feeling that this man had been covertly +watching me. Annoyed as I was, I was glad that he had interrupted +us, for his presence would effectually stop Mrs. Lester's surmises +concerning his wife. + +"Indeed I was not looking for you," I replied spiritedly. "But I +am glad you are here. Please talk to Mrs. Lester while I go to the +kitchen. I must give some directions to Katie." + +"Of course that's a terribly hard task"--he began, smiling +mischievously at Mrs. Lester. + +But he never finished his sentence. A loud, prolonged ringing of +the doorbell startled us all. It was the sort of ring one always +associates with an urgent summons of some sort. + +"Oh! my baby. I know something's happened to the baby and they've come +to tell me." + +Mrs. Lester's words rang high and shrill. They changed to a shriek as +Dicky opened the door and fell back startled. + +For past him rushed a girl with a fear-distorted face holding in her +arms a baby that to my eyes looked as if it were dead. + +But I had presence of mind enough to quiet Mrs. Lester's hysterical +fears. + +"That is not your baby," I said sharply, grasping her by the arm. "It +is the child from across the hall!" + +There is nothing in the world so pitiful to witness as the suffering +of a baby. + +We all realized this as the maid held out to us the tiny infant, rigid +and blue as if it were already dead. + +"Is the baby dead?" she gasped, her face convulsed with grief and +fear. "My madam is at the theatre, and the baby has been fretty for +two hours, and just a minute ago he stiffened out like this. Oh, dear! +Oh, dear!" she began to sob. + +"Stop that!" Lillian Gale's voice rang out like a trumpet. "The baby +is not dead. It is in a convulsion. Give it to me and run back to your +apartment and bring me some warm blankets." + +Of the six people at our little chafing dish supper, so suddenly +interrupted, she was the only one who knew what to do. I had been able +to, quiet Mrs. Lester's hysteria by telling her at once that the +baby was not her own, as she had so widely imagined, but was helpless +before the baby's danger. + +Lillian's orders came thick and fast. She dominated the situation and +swept us along in the fight to save the baby's life until the doctor, +who had been summoned, arrived. + +The physician was a tall, thin, young man, with a look of efficiency +about him. He looked at the baby carefully, laid his hand upon the +tiny forehead, then straightened himself. + +"Is there any way in which the child's parents can be found?" Mr. +Underwood evidently had told him of the nature of the seizure and the +absence of the parents on the way up. + +Lillian Gale's face grew pale under her rouge. + +"There is danger, doctor?" she asked quietly + +"There is always danger in these cases," he returned quietly, but his +words were heard by a wild-eyed woman in evening dress who rushed +through the open door followed by a man as agitated as she. + +I said an unconscious prayer of thankfulness. + +The baby's mother had arrived. + +It seemed a week, but it was in reality only two hours later when +Lillian Gale returned from the apartment across the hall, heavy eyed +and dishevelled, her gown splashed with water, her rouge rubbed off in +spots, her whole appearance most disreputable. + +"The baby?" we all asked at once. + +"Out of any immediate danger, the doctor says. The nurse came an hour +ago, but the child had two more of those awful things, and I was able +to help her. The mother is no good at all, one of those emotional +women whose idea of taking care of a baby is to shriek over it." + +Her voice held no contempt, only a great weariness. I felt a sudden +rush of sympathetic liking for this woman, whom I had looked upon as +an enemy. + +"What can I get you, Mrs. Underwood?" I asked. "You look so worn out." + +"If Katie has not thrown out that coffee," she returned practically, +"let us warm it up." + +I felt a foolish little thrill of housewifely pride. A few minutes +before her appearance I had gone into the kitchen and made fresh +coffee, anticipating her return. Katie, of course, I had sent to bed +after she had cleared the table and washed the silver. I had told her +to pile the dishes for the morning. + +"I have fresh coffee all ready," I said. "I thought perhaps you might +like a cup. Sit still, and I'll bring it in." + +Harry Underwood sprang to his feet. "I'll carry the tray for you." + +I thought I detected a little quiver of pain on Mrs. Underwood's face. +Her husband had expressed no concern for her, but was offering to +carry my tray. Truly, the tables were turning. I had suffered because +of the rumors I had heard concerning this woman's regard for Dicky. +Was I, not meaning it, to cause her annoyance? + +"Indeed you will do no such thing," I spoke playfully to hide my real +indignation at the man. "Dicky is the only accredited waiter around +this house." + +"Card from the waiters' union right in my pocket," Dicky grinned, and +stretched lazily as he followed me to the kitchen. + +We served the coffee, and Lillian and her husband went home. As the +door closed behind them Dicky came over to me and took me in his arms. + +"Pretty exciting evening, wasn't it, sweetheart?" he said. "I'm afraid +you are all done out." + +He drew me to our chair and we sat down together. I found myself +crying, something I almost never do. Dicky smoothed my hair tenderly, +silently, until I wiped my eyes. Then his clasp tightened around me. + +"Tonight has taught me a lesson," he said. "Sometimes I have dreamed +of a little child of our own, Madge. But I would rather never have a +child than go through the suffering those poor devils had tonight. It +must be awful to lose a baby." + +I hid my face in his shoulder. Not even to my husband could I confess +just then how the touch of the naked, rigid little body of that other +woman's child had sent a thrill of longing through me for a baby's +hands that should be mine. + + + + +IX + +THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + +"Well, we are in plenty of time." + +We were seated, Dicky and I, in the waiting room of the Long Island +railroad a week after my dinner party that had almost ended in +tragedy. Dicky had bought our tickets to Marvin, the little village +which was to be the starting point of our country ramble, and we were +putting in the time before our train was ready in gazing at the usual +morning scene in a railroad station. + +There were not many passengers going out on the island, but scores +of commuters were hurrying through the station on their way to their +offices and other places of employment. + +"You don't see many of the commuters up here," Dicky remarked. "There's +a passage direct from the trains to the subway on the lower level, and +most of them take that. Some of the women come up to prink a bit in +the waiting room, and some of the men come through here to get cigars +or papers, but the big crowd is down on the train level." + +I hardly heard him, for I was so interested in a girl who had just +come into the waiting room. I had never seen so self-possessed a +creature in my life. She was unusually beautiful, with golden hair +that was so real the most captious person could not suspect that hair +of being dyed. Her eyes were dark, and the unusual combination of eyes +and hair fitted a face with regular features and a fair skin. I had +seen Christmas and Easter cards with faces like hers. But I had never +seen anyone like her in real life, and I am afraid I stared at her as +hard as did everyone else in the waiting room. + +"By jove!" Dicky drew in a deep breath. "Isn't she the most ripping +beauty you ever saw?" + +His eyes were following her lithe, perfect figure as she walked down +the waiting room. I have never seen a pretty girl appear so utterly +unconscious of the glances directed toward her as she did. But with +a woman's intuition I knew that underneath her calm exterior she was +noticing and appraising every admiring look she received. I could not +have told how I knew this, but I did know it. + +She sat down a little distance from us, and Dicky frankly turned quite +around to stare at her. + +"I wonder if she's going on our train," he mused. "By George, I never +saw anything like her in my life." + +I looked at him in open amazement, tinged not a little with +resentment. He was with me, his bride of less than a month, for our +first day's outing since our marriage, and yet his eyes were +following this other woman with the most open admiration. I felt hurt, +neglected, but I was determined he should not think me jealous. + +"Yes, isn't she beautiful," I said as enthusiastically as I could. "I +never have seen just that combination of eyes and hair." + +"It's her features and figure that get me. I'd like to get a glimpse +of her hands and feet. Perhaps she will sit near us in the train. If +she does, I promise you I am going to stare at her unmercifully." + +As luck would have it, just as we seated ourselves in the train, the +girl we had seen in the railway station came through the door with +the same air of regal unconsciousness of her surroundings that she had +shown while running the gauntlet of the admiring and critical eyes in +the waiting room. + +She carried in her hand a small traveling bag, which, while not new, +had received such good care that it was not at all shabby. She spent +no time in selecting a seat, but with an air of taking the first one +available sat down directly opposite Dicky and me, depositing her bag +close to her feet. + +As she sat down she calmly crossed her knees, something which I hate +to see a woman do in a public place. + +"Gee, she has the hands and the feet all right!" + +Dicky has a trick of mumbling beneath his breath, so that no one can +detect that he is talking save the person whose ear is nearest to +him. It is convenient sometimes, but at other times it is most +embarrassing, especially when he is making comments upon people near +us. + +"I don't blame her for elevating one foot above the other," Dicky +rattled on. "Not one woman in a thousand can wear those white spats. +She must have mighty small, well-shaped tootsies under them." + +The girl sat looking straight ahead of her. The crossing of her knees +revealed a swirl of silken petticoat, and more than a glimpse of filmy +silk stockings. + +Her shoes were patent leather pumps, utterly unsuitable for a trip to +the country. Over them she wore spats of the kind affected by so many +girls. + +I had a sudden remembrance of times in my own life when a new pair of +shoes was as impossible to attain as a whole wardrobe. I had a sudden +intuition that the unsuitable pumps were like the rest of her clothes, +left over from some former affluence. She had bravely made the best of +them by covering them with spats, which I knew she could obtain quite +cheaply at some bargain sale. + +"Looks like ready money, doesn't she?" mumbled Dicky in my ear. + +I did not answer, and suddenly Dicky stared at me. + +"A trifle peeved, aren't you?" Dicky's voice was mocking. But he saw +what I could not conceal, that tears were rising to my eyes. I was +able to keep from shedding them, and no one but Dicky could possibly +have guessed I was agitated. + +He changed his tone and manner on the instant. + +"I know I have been thoughtless, sweetheart," he said earnestly, "but +I keep forgetting that you are not used to my vagaries yet. Tell me +honestly, would you have been so resentful if I had been interested in +some old man with chin whiskers as I was in the beautiful lady?" + +A light broke upon me. How foolish I had been. I looked at Dicky +shamefacedly. + +"You mean--" + +"That she's exactly the model I've been looking for to pose for those +outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants. One of the series is to be a +girl on a step ladder, picking apple blossoms. She is to be on her +knees, and one foot is to be stretched out behind her. The picture +demands a perfect foot and ankle, and this girl has them. Her features +and hair, too, are just the type I want. She would know how to pose, +too. You can see that from her air as she sits there. And that's half +the battle. If they do not have the faculty of posing naturally they +could never be taught." + +I felt much humiliated, and I was very angry, but I must remember, I +told myself, that I had married an artist. I foresaw, however, many +complications in our lives together. If every time we took a trip +anywhere, Dicky was to spend his time planning to secure the services +of some possible model I could see very little pleasure for me in our +outings. + +But I knew an apology was due Dicky, and I gathered courage to make +it. + +"I am sorry to have annoyed you, Dicky," I said at last. "But I did +not dream that you were looking at her as a possible model." + +"And looked at from any other standpoint it was rather raw of me," +admitted Dicky. "But let's forget it. She'll probably drop off the +train at Forest Hills or Kew Gardens, she looks like the product of +those suburbs, and I'll never see her again." + +But his prediction was not fulfilled. + +"Marvin!" + +The conductor shouted the word as the train drew up to one of the most +forlorn looking railroad stations it was ever my lot to see. + +Dicky and I rose from our seats, he with subdued excitement, I with +a feeling of depression. For the girl who had claimed so much of our +attention was getting off at Marvin after all. + +I remembered the bargain I had made with my conscience. + +"What do you know about that?" Dicky exclaimed, as he saw her go down +the aisle ahead of us. "She also is getting off here. I wonder who she +is?" + +"Listen, Dicky," I said rapidly. "Walk ahead, see in which direction +she goes, and ask the station master if he knows who she is. I know +something which I will tell you when you have done that. Perhaps you +may have her for a model, after all." + +Dicky gave me one swift glance of mingled surprise and admiration, +then did as I asked. As I followed him down the aisle and noted the +eagerness with which he was hurrying, I felt a sudden qualm of doubt. +Was I really doing the wisest thing? + +I waited quietly on the station platform until Dicky rejoined me. + +"Her name's Draper," he said. "The station agent doesn't know much +about her, except that she visits a sister, Mrs. Gorman, here every +summer. He never saw her here in the winter before. I got Mrs. +Gorman's address, 329 Shore Road, called Shore Road because it never +gets anywhere near the shore. Much good the address will do me, +though. Queer she doesn't take the bus. It must be a mile to her +sister's home. She's probably one of those walking bugs." + +"She didn't take the bus because she could not afford it," I said +quietly. + +Dicky stared at me in amazement. + +"How do you know?" he said finally. "Do you know her? No, of course +you don't. But how in creation--" + +"Listen, Dicky," I interrupted. "I've turned too many dresses of my +own not to recognize makeshifts when I see them. Everything that girl +has on except her stockings and gloves has been remodelled from her +old stuff. Her pumps are not suitable at all for walking; they are +evening pumps, of a style two years old at that. But she has covered +them with spats, so that no one will suspect that she wears them from +necessity, not choice." + +"Well, I'll be--" Dicky uttered his favorite expletive. "It takes one +woman to dissect another. She looked like the readiest kind of ready +money to me. Why, say, if what you say is true, she ought to be glad +to earn the money I could pay her for posing. I could get her lots of +other work, too." + +"Perhaps she wouldn't like to do that sort of thing." + +"What sort of thing? What's wrong with it?" Dicky asked belligerently. +"Oh, you mean figure posing! She wouldn't have to do that at all +if she didn't want to. Plenty of good nudes. It's the intangible, +high-bred look and ability to wear clothes well that's hard to get." + +We had walked past the unpainted little shack that but for the word +"Marvin" in large letters painted across one end of it would never +have been taken for a railroad station. Without looking where we were +going we found ourselves in front of an immense poster on a large +board back of the station. The letters upon it were visible yards +away. + +"Marvin," it read, "the prettiest, quaintest village on the south +shore. Please don't judge the town by the station." + +He took my arm and turned me away from the billboard toward a wide, +dusty road winding away from the station to the eastward. + +"But, Dicky," I protested. "I thought you wanted to see about securing +that girl as a model." + +"Oh, that can wait," said Dicky carelessly. + +My heart sang as I slipped my arm in Dicky's. It was going to be an +enjoyable day after all. + + + + +X + +"GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE" + + +"What's the matter, Madge? Got a grouch or something?" + +Dicky faced me in the old hall of the deserted Putnam Manor Inn, where +we had expected to find warmth and food and the picturesqueness of a +century back. Instead of these things we had found the place in the +hands of a caretaker. Dicky had asked to go through the house on the +pretence of wishing to rent it. + +"I haven't a bit of a grouch." I tried to speak as cheerfully as I +could, for I dreaded Dicky's anger when I told him my feeling upon the +subject of going over the house under false pretences. "But I don't +think it is right for us to go through the rooms. The woman wouldn't +have let us come in if you hadn't said we wished to rent it. It's +deception, and I wish you wouldn't insist upon my going any further. I +can't enjoy seeing the rooms at all." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment as if I were some specimen of humanity +he had never seen before. Then he exploded. + +"Another one of your scruples, eh? By Jove, I wonder where you keep +them all. You're always ready to trot one out just in time to spoil +any little thing I'm trying to do for your pleasure or mine." + +"Please hush, Dicky," I pleaded. I was afraid the woman in the next +room would hear him, he spoke in such loud tones. + +"I'll hush when I get good and ready." I longed to shake him, his tone +and words were so much like those of a spoiled child. But he lowered +his tone, nevertheless, and stood for a minute or two in sulky silence +before the empty fireplace. + +"Well! Come along," he said at last. "I'm sure there is no pleasure +to me in looking over this place. I've seen it often enough when old +Forsman had it filled with colonial junk, and served the best meals to +be found on Long Island. It's like a coffin now to me. But I thought +you might like to look it over, as you had never seen it. But for +heaven's sake let us respect your scruples!" + +I knew better than to make any answer. I wished above everything +else to have this day end happily, this whole day to ourselves in the +country, upon which I had counted so much. I feared Dicky would be +angry enough to return to the city, as he had threatened to do when +he found the inn closed. So it was with much relief that after we had +gone back into the other room I heard him ask the caretaker if there +were some place in the neighborhood where we could obtain a meal. + +"Do you know where the Shakespeare House is?" she asked. + +"Never heard of it," Dicky answered, "although I've been around here +quite a bit, too." + +"It's about six blocks further down toward the bay," she said, still +in the same colorless tone she had used from the first. "It's on Shore +Road. The Germans own it. Mr. Gorman, he's a builder, and he built +an old house over into a copy of Shakespeare's house in England. Mrs. +Gorman is English. She serves tea there on the porch in the summer, +and I've heard she will serve a meal to anybody that happens along +any time of the year, although she doesn't keep a regular restaurant. +That's the only place I know of anywhere near. Of course, down on the +bay there's the Marvin Harbor Hotel. You can get a pretty good meal +there." + +"Thank you very much," said Dicky, laying a dollar bill down on the +table near us. + +I had a sudden flash of understanding. Dicky meant all the time to +recompense the woman in this way for allowing us to see the house. But +the principle of the thing remained the same. Why could he not have +told her frankly that he wished to look at the house and given her the +dollar in the beginning? + +I did not ask the question, however, even after we had left the old +mansion and were walking down the road. I felt like adopting the old +motto and leaving well enough alone. + +I did not speak again until we had turned from the street down which +we were walking into a winding thoroughfare labelled "Shore Road." +Then a thought which had come to me during our walk demanded +utterance. + +"Dicky," I said quietly, "wasn't Gorman the name of the woman of whom +the station master told you, and didn't she live on Shore Road?" + +Dicky stopped short as if he had been struck. + +"Of course it was," he almost shouted. "What a ninny I was not to +remember it. She's the sister of that stunning girl we saw in the +train. Isn't this luck? I may be able to get that girl to pose for me +after all." + +But I did not echo his sentiments. Secretly I hoped the girl would not +be at her sister's home. + +"This surely must be the place, Dicky," I said as we rounded a sudden +turn on Shore Road and caught sight of a quaint structure that seemed +to belong to the 16th century rather than the 20th. + +Dicky whistled. "Well! What do you want to know about that?" he +demanded of the horizon in general, for the little brown house with +its balconies projecting from unexpected places and its lattice work +cunningly outlined against its walls was well worth looking at. But +our hunger soon drove us through the gate and up the steps. + +A comely Englishwoman of about 40 years answered Dicky's sounding of +the quaintly carved knocker. He lifted his hat with a curtly bow. + +"We were told at Putnam Manor that we might be able to get dinner +here," he began. "We came down from the city this morning expecting +that the inn would be open. But we found it closed and we are very +hungry. Would it be possible for you to accommodate us?" + +"I think we shall be able to give you a fairly good dinner," she said +with a simple directness that pleased me. "My husband went fishing +yesterday and I have some very good pan fish and some oysters. If you +are very hungry I can give you the oysters almost at once, and it will +not take very long to broil the fish. Then, if you care for anything +like that, we had an old-fashioned chicken pie for our own dinner. +There is plenty of it still hot if you wish to try it." + +"Madam," Dicky bowed again, "Chicken pie is our long suit, and we +are also very fond of oysters and fish. Just bring us everything +you happen to have in the house and I can assure you we will do full +justice to it." + +She smiled and went to the foot of the staircase, which had a mahogany +stair rail carved exquisitely. + +"Grace," she called melodiously. "There are two people here who will +take dinner. Will you show them into my room, so they can lay aside +their wraps?" + +Without waiting for an answer, she motioned us to the staircase. + +"My sister will take care of you," she said, and hurried out of +another door, which we realized must lead to the kitchen. + +Dicky and I looked at each other when she had left us. + +"The beautiful unknown," Dicky said in a stage whisper. "Try to get on +the good side of her, Madge. If I can get her to pose for that set +of outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants, me fortune's made, and hers, +too," he burlesqued. + +I nudged him to stop talking. I have a very quick ear, and I had heard +a light footstep in the hall above us. As we reached the top of the +stairs the girl of whom we were talking met us. + +I acknowledged unwillingly to myself that she was even more beautiful +than she had appeared on the train. She was gowned in a white linen +skirt and white "middy," with white tennis shoes and white stockings. +Her dress was most unsuitable for the winter day, although the +house was warm, but with another flash of remembrance of my own past +privations, I realized the reason for her attire. This costume could +be tubbed and ironed if it became soiled. It would stand a good deal +of water. Her other clothing must be kept in good condition for the +times when she must go outside of her home. + +But if she had known of Dicky's mission and gowned herself accordingly +she could not have succeeded better in satisfying his artistic eye. +He stared at her open-mouthed as she spoke a conventional word of +greeting and showed us into a bedroom hung with chintzes and bright +with the winter sunshine. + +She was as calm, as unconsciously regal, as she had been on the train. +I knew, however, that she was not as indifferent to Dicky's open +admiration as she appeared. The slightest heightening of the color in +her cheek, a quickly-veiled flash of her eyes in his direction--these +things I noticed in the short time she was in the room with us. + +Was Dicky too absorbed in his plan or his drawings to see what I had +seen? His words appeared to indicate that he was. + +"Gee!" He drew a long breath as we heard Miss Draper--the name I had +heard the 'bus driver give her--going down the stairs. "If I get a +chance to talk to her today I'm going to make her promise to save that +rig to pose in. She's the exact image of what I want. And graceful! +'Grace by name and grace by nature.' The old saw certainly holds good +in her case." + +I did not answer him. As I laid aside my furs and removed my hat and +coat I felt a distinct sinking of the heart. I knew it was foolish, +but the presence of this girl in whom Dicky displayed such interest +took all the pleasure out of the day's outing. + +"This is what I call eating," said Dicky as he helped himself to +a second portion of the steaming chicken pie which Mrs. Gorman had +placed before us. The oysters and the delicious broiled fish which +had formed the first two courses of our dinner had been removed by her +sister a few moments before. + +Dicky had not been so absorbed in his meal, however, as to miss any +graceful movement of Miss Draper's. The admiring glances which he gave +her as she served us with quick, deft motions were not lost upon me. +I knew that she was not oblivious of them either, although her manner +was perfect in its calm, indifferent courtesy. + +When it came time for dessert Mrs. Gorman bore the tray in on which it +was served, a cherry roly-poly, covered with a steaming sauce. + +"You're in luck," she said with a naive pride in her own culinary +ability, as she served the pudding. "I don't often make this pudding, +and my canned cherries from last summer are getting scarce. But my +sister came home unexpectedly this morning, and this pudding is one +of her favorites. So I made it for dinner. I thought perhaps it would +cheer her up." + +Miss Draper who entered at that moment with the coffee and a bit +of English cheese that looked particularly appetizing, appeared +distinctly annoyed at her sister's reference to her. Her cheeks +flushed, and her eyes flashed a warning glance at Mrs. Gorman. + +"I am sure this pudding would cheer anybody up," said Dicky genially, +attacking his. + +"It is delicious," I said, and, indeed, it was. "I have tasted nothing +like this since I was a child in the country." + +Mrs. Gorman beamed at the praise. She evidently was a hospitable soul. + +"Would you like the recipe for it?" she asked. + +"Indeed she would," Dicky struck in. "If you can teach Katie to make +this," he turned to me, "I'll stand treat to anything you wish." + +"What a rash promise," I smiled at Dicky, then turned to Mrs. Gorman. +"I should be very glad to have the recipe," I said. + +"Here," Dicky passed a pencil and the back of an envelope over the +table. + +So, while Mrs. Gorman dictated the recipe, I dutifully wrote it down. + +"Thank you so much, Mrs. Gorman," I said as I finished writing. + +"You are very welcome, I am sure," she said heartily. "You are +strangers here, aren't you? I've never seen you around here before." + +"This is my wife's first visit to this village," Dicky struck into +the conversation. I realized that he welcomed this opportunity of +beginning a conversation with Mrs. Gorman and her sister, so that he +might lead up to his request for Miss Draper's services as a model. + +"I have been in the village frequently," went on Dicky. "I used to +sketch a good deal along the brook to the north of the village." + +"Then you are an artist!" We heard Miss Draper's voice for the first +time since she had shown us to the room above. Then her tones had been +cool and indifferent. Now her exclamation was full of emotion of some +sort. + +"An artist!" echoed Mrs. Gorman, staring at Dicky as if he were the +President. + +There was a little strained silence, then Miss Draper picked up the +serving tray and hurried into the kitchen. Mrs. Gorman wiped her eyes +as she saw her sister's departure. + +"You mustn't think we're queer," she said at length. "But I suppose +your saying you are an artist brought all her trouble back to Grace, +poor girl." Mrs. Gorman's eyes threatened to overflow again. + +"If it wouldn't trouble you too much, tell us about it." Dicky's voice +was gentle, inviting. "Perhaps we could help you." + +"I don't think anybody can help." Mrs. Gorman shook her head sadly. +"You see, ever since Grace was a baby, almost, she has wanted to draw +things. I brought her up. I was the oldest and she the youngest of 12 +children, and our mother died soon after she was born. I was married +shortly afterward, and from the time she could hold a pencil in her +hand she has drawn pictures on everything she could lay her hands +on. In school she was always at the head of her class in drawing, but +there was no money to give her any lessons, so she didn't get very +far. Since she left school she has been planning every way to save +money enough to go to an art school, but something always hinders." + +Mrs. Gorman paused only to take breath. Having broken her reserve she +seemed unable to stop talking. + +"She went into a dressmaking shop as soon as she left school--I had +taught her to sew beautifully--thinking she could earn money enough +when she had learned her trade to have a term in an art school. But +her health broke down at the sewing, and I had her home here a year." + +I remembered the remarkable appearance of costly attire Miss Draper +had achieved when we saw her in the station. This, then, was the +solution. She had made them all herself. + +"Then she got another position--" + +Miss Draper came into the room in time to hear Mrs. Gorman's last +words. She walked swiftly to her sister's side, her eyes blazing. + +"Kate," she said, her voice low but tense with emotion. "Why are you +troubling these strangers with my affairs?" + +Before Mrs. Gorman could answer Dicky interposed. + +"Just a minute, please," he said authoritatively. "As it happens, Miss +Draper, I am in a position to make a proposition to you concerning +employment which will provide you with a comfortable income, and at +the same time enable you to pursue your studies." + +Mrs. Gorman uttered an ejaculation of joy, but Miss Draper said +nothing, only looked steadily at him. "This girl has had lessons in a +hard school," I said to myself. "She has learned to distrust men and +to doubt any proffered kindness." + +"I have been commissioned to do a set of illustrations," Dicky went +on, "in which the central figure is a young girl in the regulation +summer costume, such as you have on. I have been unable to find a +satisfactory model for the picture. If you will allow me to say so, +you are just the type I wish for the drawings. If you will pose for +them I will give you $50 and buy you a monthly commutation ticket from +Marvin, so that you will have no expense coming or going. There are +several artist friends of mine who have been looking for a model of +your type. I think you could safely count upon an income of $40 or $50 +a week after you get started. I know there are several other drawings +I have in mind in which I could use you." + +Mrs. Gorman had attempted to speak two or three times while Dicky was +explaining his proposition, but Miss Draper had silenced her with +a gesture. Now, however, she would not be denied. "A model!" she +shrilled excitedly. "You're not insulting my sister by asking her to +be a model, are you? Why, I'd rather see her dead than have her do +anything so shameful--" + +"Kate, keep quiet. You do not know what you are talking about." Miss +Draper's voice was low and calm, but it quieted her older sister +immediately. + +"I take it you do not mean--figure posing." She hesitated before the +word ever so slightly. + +"Oh, no, nothing of the kind," I hastened to reassure her. "It's the +ability to wear clothes well with a certain air, that he especially +wants." + +"And what do you mean by an opportunity to go on with my studies?" + +The girl was really superb as she faced Dicky. With the prospect of +more money than I knew she had ever had before, she yet could stand +and bargain for the thing which to her was far more than money. + +"Show me some of your drawings," Dicky spoke abruptly. + +She went swiftly upstairs, returning in a moment with two large +portfolios. These she spread out before Dicky on the table, and he +examined the drawings very carefully. + +I felt very much alone; out of it. For all Dicky noticed, I might not +have been there. + +"Not bad at all," was Dicky's verdict. "Indeed, some of them are +distinctly good. Now I'll tell you what I will do," he said, turning +to Miss Draper. "Until you find out what time you can give to an art +school, I will give you what little help I can in your work. If you +can be quiet, and I think you can, you may work in my studio at odd +times, when you are not posing. What do you think of it?" + +"Think of it?" Miss Draper drew a long breath. "I accept your offer +gladly. When shall I begin?" + +"I will drop you a postal, notifying you a day or two ahead of time," +he returned. + +We went out of the house and down the path to the gate before Dicky +spoke. + +"That was awfully decent of you, Madge, to square things with Mrs. +Gorman like that. I appreciate it, I assure you." + +"It was nothing," I said dispiritedly. I felt suddenly tired and old. +"But I wish you would do something for me, Dicky." + +"Name it, and it is yours," Dicky spoke grandiloquently. + +"Take me home. We can see the harbor another time. I really feel too +tired to do any more today." + +Dicky opened his mouth, evidently to remind me that my fatigue was of +sudden development, but closed it again, and turned in silence toward +the railroad station. + +We had a silent journey back. Neither Dicky nor I spoke, except to +exchange the veriest commonplaces. We reached home about 5 o'clock to +Katie's surprise. + +"I'll hurry, get dinner," she said, evidently much flurried. + +"We're not very hungry, Katie," I said. "Some cold meat and bread +and butter, those little potato cakes you make so nicely, some sliced +bananas for Mr. Graham and some coffee--that will be sufficient." + +For my own part I felt that I never wished to see or hear of food +again. The silent journey home, added to the events of the day, had +brought on one of my ugly morbid moods. + + + + +XI + +"I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + +"Bad news, Dicky?" + +We were seated at the breakfast table, Dicky and I, the morning after +our trip to Marvin, from which I had returned weary of body and sick +of mind. Tacitly we had avoided all discussion of Grace Draper, the +beautiful girl Dicky had discovered there and engaged as a model for +his drawings, promising to help her with her art studies. But because +of my feeling toward Dicky's plans breakfast had been a formal affair. + +Then had come a special delivery letter for Dicky. He had read it +twice, and was turning back for a third perusal when my query made him +raise his eyes. + +"In a way, yes," he said slowly. Then after a pause. "Read it." He +held out the letter. + +It was postmarked Detroit. The writing reminded me of my mother; it +was the hand of a woman of the older generation. + +I, too, read the letter twice before making any comment upon it. I +wondered if Dicky's second reading had been for the same purpose as +mine--to gain time to think. + +I was stunned by the letter. I had never contemplated the possibility +of Dicky's mother living with us, and here she was calmly inviting +herself to make her home with us. For years she had made her home with +her childless daughter and namesake, Harriet, whose husband was one of +the most brilliant surgeons of the middle West. + +I knew that Dicky's mother and sister had spoiled him terribly when +they all had a home together before Dicky's father died. The first +thought that came to me was that Dicky's whims alone were hard enough +to humor, but when I had both him and his mother to consider our home +life would hardly be worth the living. + +I knew and resented also the fact that Dicky's mother and sisters +disapproved of his marriage to me. In one of Dicky's careless +confidences I had gleaned that his mother's choice for him had been +made long ago, and that he had disappointed her by not marrying a +friend of his sister. + +I felt as if I were in a trap. To have to live and treat with +daughterly deference a woman who I knew so disliked me that she +refused to attend her son's wedding was unthinkable. + +"Well!" + +In Dicky's voice was a note of doubt as he held out his hand for his +mother's letter. I knew that he was anxiously awaiting my decision as +to the proposition it contained, and I hastened to reassure him. + +"Of course there is but one thing to be done," I said, trying hard to +make my tone cordial. + +"And that is?" Dicky looked at me curiously. Was it possible that he +did not understand my meaning? + +"Why, you must wire her at once to come to us. Be sure you tell her +that she will be most welcome." + +I felt a trifle ashamed that the welcoming words were such a sham from +my lips. Dicky's mother was distinctly not welcome as far as I was +concerned. But my thoughts flew swiftly back to my own little mother, +gone forever from me. Suppose she were the one who needed a home? How +would I like to have Dicky's secret thoughts about her welcome the +same as mine were now? + +"That's awfully good of you, Madge." Dicky's voice brought me back +from my reverie. "Of course I know you are not particularly keen about +her coming. That wouldn't be natural, but it's bully of you to pretend +just the same." + +I opened my mouth to protest, and then thought better of it. There was +no use trying to deceive Dicky. If he was satisfied with my attitude +toward his mother, that was all that was necessary. + +I poured myself another cup of coffee, when Dicky had gone to the +studio, drank it mechanically, and touched the bell for Katie to clear +away the breakfast things. + +I did not try to disguise to myself the fact that I was extremely +miserable. The day at Marvin, on which I had so counted, had been a +disappointment to me on account of the attention Dicky had paid to +Miss Draper. I reflected bitterly that I might just as well have +spent the afternoon with Mrs. Smith of the Lotus Club, discussing the +history course which she wished me to undertake for the club. + +The thought of Mrs. Smith reminded me of the promise I had made her +when leaving for Marvin that I would call her up on my return and tell +her when I could meet her. I resolved to telephone her at once. + +I felt a thrill of purely feminine triumph as I turned away from the +telephone. I knew that Mrs. Smith would have declined to see me if she +had consulted only her inclinations. That she still wished me to take +up the leadership of the study course gratified me exceedingly, and +made me thank my stars for the long years of study and teaching which +had given me something of a reputation in the work which the Lotus +Club wished me to undertake. + +But when we met at a little luncheon room, Mrs. Smith and I managed to +get through the preliminaries pleasantly. + +"Now as to compensation," she said briskly. "I am authorized to offer +you $20 per lecture. I know that it is not what you might get from an +older or richer club, but it is all we can offer." + +I was silent for a moment. I did not wish her to know how delighted I +was with the amount of money offered. + +"I think that will be satisfactory for this season, at least," I said +at last. + +"Very well, then. The first meeting, of course, will be merely an +introduction and an outlining of your plan of study, so I will not +need to trouble you again. If you will be at the clubrooms at half +after one the first day, I will meet you, and see that you get started +all right. Here comes our luncheon. Now I can eat in peace." + +Her whole manner said: "Now I am through with you." + +But I felt that I cared as little for her opinion of me as she +evidently did of mine for her. + +Twenty dollars a week was worth a little sacrifice. + +Lillian Underwood's raucous voice came to my ears as I rang the bell +of my little apartment. It stopped suddenly at the sound of the bell. +Dicky opened the door and Mrs. Underwood greeted me boisterously. + +"I came over to ask you to eat dinner with us Sunday," she said. "Then +we'll think up something to do in the afternoon and evening. We always +dine Sunday at 2 o'clock, a concession to that cook of mine. I'll +never get another like her, and if she only knew it I would have +Sunday dinner at 10 o'clock in the morning rather than lose her. I do +hope you can come." + +"There's nothing in the world to hinder as far as I know," said Dicky. + +"I am so sorry," I turned to Lillian as I spoke. My dismay was +genuine, for I knew how Dicky would view my answer. "But I could not +possibly come on Sunday. I have a dinner engagement for that day which +I cannot break." + +"A dinner engagement!" Dicky ejaculated at last. "Why, Madge, you must +be mistaken. We haven't any dinner engagement for that day." + +"You haven't any," I tried to speak as calmly as I could. "There is no +reason why you cannot accept Mrs. Underwood's invitation if you wish. +But do you remember the letter I received a week ago saying an old +friend of mine whom I had not seen for a year would reach the city +next Sunday and wished an engagement for dinner? There is no way in +which I can postpone or get out of the engagement, for there is no way +I can reach my friend before Sunday." + +I had purposely avoided using the words "he" or "him," hoping that +Dicky would not say anything to betray the identity of the "friend" +who was returning from the wilds. But I reckoned without Dicky. +Either he was so angry that he recklessly disregarded Mrs. Underwood's +presence or else his friendship with her was so close that it did not +matter to him whether or not she knew of our differences. + +"Oh, the gorilla with the mumps!" Dicky gave the short, scornful, +little laugh which I had learned to dread as one of the preliminaries +of a scene. "I had forgotten all about him. And so he really arrives +on Sunday, and you expect to welcome him. How very touching!" + +Dicky was fast working himself into a rage. Lillian Gale evidently +knew the signs as well as I did, for she hurriedly began to fasten her +cloak, which she had opened on account of the heat of the room. + +"I really must be going," she murmured, starting for the door, but +Dicky adroitly slipped between it and her. + +"Talk about your romance, Lil," he sneered, "what do you think about +this one for a best seller?" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I gasped, my cheeks scarlet with humiliation at this +scene before Mrs. Underwood, of all people. But Dicky paid no more +attention to me than if I had been the chair in which I was sitting. + +"Beautiful highbrow heroine," he went on, "has tearful parting with +gallant hero more noted for his size than his beauty. He's gone a +whole year. Heroine forgets him, marries another man. Now he +comes back, heroine has to meet him and break the news that she is +another's. Isn't it romantic?" + +Lillian looked at him steadily for a moment, as if she were debating +some course of action. Then she suddenly squared her shoulders, +and, advancing toward him, took him by the shoulders and shook him +slightly. + +"Look here, my Dicky-bird," she said, and her tones were like icicles. +"I didn't want to listen to this, and I beg your wife's pardon for +being here, but now that you've compelled me to listen to you, you're +going to hear me for a little while." + +Dicky looked at her open-mouthed, exactly like a small boy being +reproved by his mother. + +"You're getting to be about the limit with this temper of yours," she +began. "Of course I know you were as spoiled a lad as anybody could +be, but that's no reason now that you are a man why you should kick +up a rumpus any time something doesn't go just to suit your royal +highness." + +"See here, Lil!" Dicky began to speak wrathfully. + +"Shut up till I'm through talking," she admonished him roughly. + +If I had not been so angry and humiliated I could have laughed aloud +at the promptness with which Dicky closed his mouth. + +"You never gave me or the boys a taste of your rages simply because +you knew we wouldn't stand for them. I'll wager you anything you like +that Mrs. Graham never knew of your temper until after you had married +her. But now that you're safely married you think you can say anything +you like. Men are all like that." + +She spoke wearily, contemptuously, as if a sudden disagreeable memory +had come to her. She dropped her hands from his shoulders. + +"Of course, I've no right to butt in like this," she said, as if +recalled to herself. "I beg pardon of both of you. Good-by," and she +dashed for the door. + +But Dicky, with one of his quick changes from wrath to remorse, was +before her. + +"No you don't, my dear," he said, grasping her arm. "You know I +couldn't get angry with you no matter what you said. I owe you too +much. I know I have a beast of a temper, but you know, too, I'm over +it just as quickly. Look here." + +He flopped down on his knees in an exaggerated pose of humility, and +put up his hands first to me and then to Lillian. + +"See. I beg Madge's pardon. I beg Lillian's pardon, everybody's +pardon. Please don't kick me when I'm down." + +Lillian's face relaxed. She laughed indulgently. + +"Oh, I'll forgive you, but I imagine it will take more than that +to make your peace with your wife! It would if you were my husband. +'Phone me about Sunday. Perhaps Mrs. Graham can come over after dinner +and meet you there. Good-by." + +She hurried out to the door, this time without Dicky's stopping her. +Dicky came toward me. + +"If I say I am very, very sorry, Madge?" he said, smiling +apologetically at me. + +"Of course it's all right, Dicky," I forced myself to say. + +Curiously enough, after all, my resentment was more against Lillian +than against Dicky. Probably she meant well, but how dared she talk +to my husband as if he were her personal property, and what was it he +"owed her" that made him take such a raking over at her hands? + + + + +XII + +LOST AND FOUND + + +"Margaret!" + +"Jack!" + +It was, after all, a simple thing, this meeting with my cousin-brother +that I had so dreaded. Save for the fact that he took both my hands in +his, any observer of our meeting would have thought that it was but a +casual one, instead of being a reunion after a separation of a year. + +But this meeting upset me strangely. I seemed to have stepped back +years in my life. My marriage to Dicky, my life with him, my love for +him, seemed in some curious way to belong to some other woman, even +the permission to meet him in this way, which I had wrested from +Dicky, seemed a need of another. I was again Margaret Spencer, going +with my best friend to the restaurant where we had so often dined +together. + +And yet in some way I felt that things were not the same as they used +to be. Jack was the same kindly brother I had always known, and yet +there seemed in his manner a tinge of something different. I did not +know what. I only knew that I felt very nervous and unstrung. + +As I sank into the padded seat and began to remove my gloves I was +confronted by a new problem. + +My wedding ring, guarded by my engagement solitaire, was upon the +third finger of my left hand. Jack would be sure to see them if I kept +them on. + +I told myself fiercely that I did not wish Jack to know I was married +until after we had had this dinner together. With my experience of +Dicky's jealousy I had not much hope that Jack and I would ever dine +together in this fashion again. + +On the other hand, I had a strong aversion to removing my wedding ring +even for an hour or two. Besides being a silent falsehood, the act +would seem almost an omen of evil. I am not generally superstitious, +but something made me dread doing it. + +However, I had to choose quickly. I must either take off the rings or +tell Jack at once that I was married. I was not brave enough to do the +latter. + +Taking my silver mesh bag from my muff, I opened it under the table, +and, quickly stripping off my gloves, removed my rings, tucked them +into a corner of the bag and put gloves and bag back in my muff. Jack, +man-like, had noticed nothing. + +Now to keep the conversation in my own hands, so that Jack should +suspect nothing until we had dined. + +The waiter stood at attention with pencil pointed over his order card. +Jack was studying the menu card, and I was studying Jack. + +It was the first chance I had had to take a good look at this +cousin-brother of mine after his year's absence. Every time I had +attempted it I had met his eyes fixed upon me with an inscrutable look +that puzzled and embarrassed me. Now, however, he was occupied with +the menu card, and I stared openly at him. + +He had changed very little, I told myself. Of course he was terribly +browned by his year in the tropics, but otherwise he was the same +handsome, well-set-up chap I remembered so well. + +I knew Jack's favorite dish, fortunately. If he could sit down in +front of just the right kind of steak, thick, juicy, broiled just +right, he was happy. + +"How about a steak?" I inquired demurely. "I haven't had a good one in +ages." + +"I'm sure you're saying that to please me," Jack protested, "but I +haven't the heart to say so. You can imagine the food I've lived on in +South America. But you must order the rest of the meal." + +"Surely I will," I said, for I knew the things he liked. "Baked +potatoes, new asparagus, buttered beets, romaine salad, and we'll talk +about the dessert later." + +The waiter bowed and hurried away. "You're either clairvoyant, +Margaret or--" + +"Perhaps I, too, have a memory," I returned gayly, and then regretted +the speech as I saw the look that leaped into Jack's eyes. + +"I wish I was sure," he began impetuously, then he checked himself. "I +wonder whether we are too early for any music?" he finished lamely. + +"I am afraid so," I said. + +"It doesn't matter anyway. We want to talk, not to listen. I've got +something to tell you, my dear, that I've been thinking about all this +year I've been gone." + +I did not realize the impulse that made me stretch out my hand, lay it +upon his, and ask gently: + +"Please, Jack, don't tell me anything important until after dinner. I +feel rather upset anyway. Let's have one of our care-free dinners and +when we've finished we can talk." + +Jack gave me a long curious look under which I flushed hot. Then he +said brusquely, "All right, the weather and the price of flour, those +are good safe subjects, we'll stick to them." + +The dinner was perfect in every detail. Jack ate heartily, and +although I was too unstrung to eat much I managed to get enough down +to deceive him into thinking I was enjoying the meal also. + +The coffee and cheese dispatched, I leaned back and smiled at Jack. +"Now light your cigar," I commanded. + +"Not yet. We're going to talk a bit first, you and I." + +I felt that same little absurd thrill of apprehension. Jack was +changed in some way. I could not tell just now. He took my fingers in +his big, strong hand. + +"Look at me, Margaret." + +Jack's voice was low and tense. It held a masterful note I had never +heard. Without realizing that I did so, I obeyed him, and lifted my +eyes to his. + +What I read in them made me tremble. This was a new Jack facing +me across the table. The cousin-brother, my best friend since my +childhood, was gone. + +I did not admit to myself why, but I wished, oh! so earnestly, that +I had told Jack over the telephone of my marriage during his year's +absence in the South American wilderness, where he could neither send +nor receive letters. + +I must not wait another minute, I told myself. + +"Jack," I said brokenly, "there is something I want to tell you--I'm +afraid you will be angry, but please don't be, big brother, will you?" + +"There is something I'm going to tell you first," Jack smiled tenderly +at me, "and that is that this big brother stuff is done for, as far +as I'm concerned. In fact, I've been just faking the role for two or +three years back, because I knew you didn't care the way I wanted you +to. But this year out in the wilderness has made me realize just what +life would be to me without you. I've been kicking myself all over +South America that I didn't try to make you care. I've just about gone +through Gehenna, too, thinking you might fall in love with somebody +while I was gone. But I saw you didn't wear anybody's ring anyway, so +I said to myself, 'I'm not going to wait another minute to tell her I +love her, love her, love her.'" + +Jack's voice, pitched to a low key anyway, so that no one should be +able to hear what he was saying, sank almost to a whisper with the +last words. + +I sat stunned, helpless, grief-stricken. + +To think that I should be the one to bring sorrow to Jack, the +gentlest, kindest friend I had ever known! + +"Oh, Jack, don't!" I moaned, and then, to my horror, I began to cry. +I could not control my sobs, although I covered my face with my +handkerchief. + +"There, there, sweetheart, I'll have you out of this in a jiffy," Jack +was at my side, helping me to rise, getting me into my coat, shielding +me from the curious gaze of the other diners. + +"Here!" He threw a bill toward the waiter. "Pay my bill out of that, +get us a taxi quick, and keep the change. Hurry." + +"Yes, sir--thank you, sir." The waiter dashed ahead of us. As we +emerged from the door he was standing proudly by the open door of a +taxi. + +"Where to, sir?" The chauffeur touched his cap. + +"Anywhere. Central Park." Jack helped me in, sat down beside me, the +door slammed and the taxi rolled away. + +The only other time in my life Jack had seen me cry was when my mother +died. Then I had wept my grief out on his shoulder secure in the +knowledge of his brotherly love. As the taxi started, he slipped his +arm around me. + +"Whatever it is, dear, cry it out in my arms," he whispered. + +But at his touch I shuddered, and drew myself away. I was Dicky's +wife. This situation was intolerable. I must end it at once. With a +mighty effort, I controlled my sobs and, wiping my eyes, sat upright. + +"Dear, dear boy," I said. "Please forgive me. I never thought of this +or I would have told you over the telephone." + +"Told me what?" Jack's voice was harsh and quick. His arm dropped from +my wrist. + +There was no use wasting words in the telling. I took courage in both +hands. + +"I am married, Jack," I said faintly. "I have been married over a +month." + +"God!" The expletive seemed forced from his lips. I heard the name +uttered that way once before, when a man I knew had been told of his +child's death in an automobile accident. It made me realize as nothing +else could what Jack must be suffering. + +But he gave no other sign of having heard my words, simply sat erect, +with folded arms, gazing sternly into vacancy, while the taxi rolled +up Fifth avenue. + +Huddled miserably in my corner, I waited for him to speak. I had +summoned courage to tell him the truth, but I could not have spoken +to him again while his face held that frozen look. It frightened and +fascinated me at the same time. + +A queer little wonder crossed my mind. Suppose I had known of this a +year ago. Would I have married Jack, and never known Dicky? Would I +have been happier so? + +Then there rushed over me the realization that nothing in the +world mattered but Dicky. I wanted him, oh how I wanted him! Jack's +suffering, everything else, were but shadows. My love for my husband, +my need of him--these were the only real things. + +I turned to Jack wildly. + +"Oh, Jack, I must go home!" + +"Margaret." Jack's voice was so different from his usual one that I +started almost in fear. + +"Yes, Jack." + +"I don't want you to reproach yourself about this. I understand, dear. +The right man came along, and of course you couldn't wait for me to +come back to give my sanction." + +"Oh! Jack! I ought to have waited: I know it. You have been so good to +me" + +"I've been good to myself, being with you," he returned tenderly. "But +I almost wish you had told me over the telephone. You would never have +known how I felt, and it would have been better all around" + +He bent toward me, and crushed both my hands in his, looking into my +face with a gaze that was in itself a caress. + +"Now you must go home, little girl, back to--your--husband." The +words came slowly. + +"When shall I see you again, Jack?" I knew the answer even before it +came. + +"When you need me, dear girl, if you ever do," he replied. "I can't +be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever he may +be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But, wherever I am, a +note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, and, if +the impossible should happen and your husband ever fail you, remember, +Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +My tears were falling fast now. Jack laid his hand upon my shoulder. + +"Come, Margaret, you must control yourself," he said in his old +brotherly voice. "I want you to tell me your new name and address. I'm +never going to lose track of you, remember that. You won't see me, but +your big brother will be on the job just the same." + +I told him, and he wrote it carefully down in his note-book. Then he +looked at me fixedly. + +"You would better put your engagement and wedding rings back on," he +said. "Of course I realize now that you must have taken them off when +you removed your gloves in the restaurant, with the thought that you +did not want to spoil my dinner by telling me of your marriage. But +you must have them on when you meet your husband, you know." + +How like Jack, putting aside his own suffering to be sure of my +welfare. I put my hand in my muff, drew out my mesh bag and opened it. + +"Jack!" I gasped, horror-stricken, "my rings are gone!" + +"Impossible!" His face was white. He snatched my mesh bag from my +grasp. "Where did you put them? In here?" + +Jack turned the mesh bag inside out. A handkerchief, a small coin +purse, two or three bills of small denominations, an envelope with a +tiny powder puff--these were all. + +"Are you sure you put them in here?" + +"Yes." I could hardly articulate the word, I was so frightened. + +"Have you opened your bag since?" + +I thought a moment. Had I? Then a rush of remembrance came to me. + +"I took out a handkerchief when I cried in the restaurant." + +"You must have drawn them out then, and either dropped them there, +or they may have been caught in the handkerchief and dropped in the +taxi." We searched without success and Jack's face darkened as he +ordered the chauffeur to speed back to Broquin's. "We must hurry, +dear. This is awful. If you have lost those rings, your husband will +have a right to be angry." + +Neither of us spoke again until the taxi drew up in front of the +restaurant. Then Jack said almost curtly: + +"Wait here. I don't think it will be necessary for you to go inside, +and it might be embarrassing for you." + +He fairly ran up the steps and disappeared inside the door. + +So anxious was I to know what would be the result of his inquiry that +I leaned far forward in the machine, watching the door of Broquin's +for Jack's return. + +I did not realize my imprudence in doing this until I heard my name +called jovially. + +"Well! well, Mrs. Graham, I suppose you are on your way to our shack. +Won't you give me the pleasure of riding with you?" + +Hat in hand, black eyes dancing in malicious glee, I saw standing +before me, Harry Underwood, of all people! + +At that instant Jack came rushing out of the restaurant and up to the +taxi. + +"It's no use, Margaret. They can't find them anywhere." + +"Jack, I want you to meet Mr. Underwood, a friend of my husband's," I +said hastily, hoping to save the situation. "Mr. Underwood, my cousin, +Mr. Bickett." + +The two men shook hands perfunctorily. + +"Glad to meet you, Mr. Bickett," Harry Underwood said, in his effusive +manner. "Have you lost anything valuable? Can I help in any way?" + +"Nothing of any consequence," I interrupted desperately. + +"Oh, yes, I see, nothing of any consequence," he replied meaningly. +His eyes were fixed upon my ungloved left hand, which showed only too +plainly the absence of my rings. + +"But don't worry," he continued. "Your Uncle Dudley is first cousin to +an oyster. Wish you luck. So long," and lifting his hat he strolled on +up the avenue. + +Jack was consulting his note-book. I heard him give the address of my +apartment to the driver. "Drive slowly," he added. + +"Who was that man?" he demanded sternly. "He is no one you ought to +know." + +"I know, Jack," I said faintly. "I dislike him, I even dread him, but +he and his wife are old friends of Dicky's and I cannot avoid meeting +him." + +"He will make trouble for you some day," Jack returned. "I don't like +him, but there is nothing I can do to help you. I've messed things +enough now." + +"What shall I do, Jack?" I wailed. All my vaunted self-reliance was +gone. I felt like the most helpless perfect clinging vine in the +world. + +"We're going straight to your home to see your husband," he said. +"You will introduce me to him and then leave us. I shall explain +everything to him." + +"Oh, Jack," I said terrified, "he has such an uncertain temper, and, +besides, he isn't at home. He was to take dinner at the Underwoods at +2 o'clock." + +"Well, we must go there, then," returned Jack. "Put on your gloves, +then the absence of the rings won't be noticed until I have a chance +to explain about them." + +I picked up the gloves and unfolded them. Something glittering rolled +out of them and dropped into my lap. + +"Oh, Jack, my rings!" I fairly shrieked. Then for the first time in +my life I became hysterical, laughing and sobbing uncontrollably. + + * * * * * + +That night I told Dicky the whole story--not one word did I keep back +from him--and when I came to the loss of my rings and the meeting with +Harry Underwood, there developed a scene that I cannot even now bring +myself to put down on paper. But at last Dicky managed to control +himself enough to ask what I had told Harry Underwood. + +"I told him that my rings had not been lost, that my gloves were too +tight and that I had removed them to put on my gloves." + +"Good!" Dicky's voice held a note of relenting. "That's one thing +saved, any way. Wonder your conscience would let you tell that much of +a lie." + +His sneer aroused me. I had been speaking in a dreary monotone which +typified my feeling. Now I faced him, indignant. + +"See here, Dicky Graham, don't you imagine it would have been easier +for me to lie about all this? I didn't need to tell you anything. +Another thing I want you to understand plainly and that is my reason +for not telling Jack at first that I was married. + +"If I had had a real brother, you would have thought it perfectly +natural for me to have waited for his return before I married. Now, +no brother in the world could have been kinder to me than was Jack +Bickett. We were indebted to him for a thousand kindnesses, for +a lifetime of devotion. I never should have married without first +telling him about it. Do you wonder that realizing this I delayed +in every way the story of my marriage until I could find a suitable +opportunity? I give you my word of honor that I did not dream he +cared, and I expect you to believe me." + +I walked steadily toward the door of my bedroom. I had not reached +it, however, before Dicky clasped me in his arms, and I felt his hot +kisses on my face. + +"I'm seventeen kinds of a jealous brute, I know, sweetheart," he +whispered, "but the thought of that other man, who seems to mean so +much to you, drives me mad. I'm selfish, I know, but I'm mad about +you." + +I put my arms around his neck. "Don't you know, foolish Dicky," I +murmured, "that there's nobody else in the world for me but just you, +you, you?" + + + + +XIII + +"IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + +Today my mother-in-law! + +That was my thought when I awoke on the morning of the day which was +to bring Dicky's mother to live with us. + +I am afraid if I set down my exact thoughts I should have to admit +that I had a distinct feeling of rebellion against the expected visit +of Dicky's mother. + +If it were only a visit! There was just the trouble. Then I could have +welcomed my mother-in-law, entertained her royally, kept at top pitch +all the time she was with us, guarded every word and action, and kept +from her knowledge the fact that Dicky and I often quarrelled. + +But Dicky's mother, as far as I could see, was to be a member of our +household for the rest of her life. She herself had arranged it in a +letter, the calm phrases of which still irritated me, as I recalled +them. She had taken me so absolutely for granted, as though my opinion +amounted to nothing, and only her wishes and those of her son counted. + +But suddenly my cheeks flamed with shame. After all, this woman who +was coming was my husband's mother, an old woman, frail, almost an +invalid. I made up my mind to put away from me all the disagreeable +features of her advent into my home, and to busy myself with plans for +her comfort and happiness. + +I hurried through my breakfast, for I wanted plenty of time for the +last preparations before Dicky's mother should arrive. Dicky had gone +to his studio for a while and then would go over to the station in +time to meet her train, which was due at 11:30. + +As I started to my room I heard the peal of the doorbell. + +"I will answer it, Katie," I called back, and went quickly to the +entrance. A special delivery postman stood there holding out a letter +to me. As I signed his slip, I saw that the handwriting upon the +letter was Jack's. + +What could have happened? I dreaded inexpressibly some calamity. + +Only something of the utmost importance, I knew, could have induced +my brother-cousin to write to me. He was too careful of my welfare +to excite Dicky's unreasoning jealousy by a letter, unless there was +desperate need for it. + +Finally, I sat down in an arm-chair by the window, and breaking the +seal, drew out the letter. + + "Dear Cousin Margaret: + + "I have decided, suddenly, to go across the pond and get in the big + mix-up. You perhaps remember that I have spoken to you frequently + of my friend, Paul Caillard who has been with me in many a bit of + ticklish work. He was with me in South America, and like me, heard of + the war for the first time when he got out of the wilderness. He is + a Frenchman, you know, and is going back to offer his services to the + engineering corps." + + "And I am going with him, Margaret. I think I can be of service over + there. Paul Caillard is the best friend I have. As you know you are + the only relative I have in the world, and you are happily and safely + married, so I feel that I am harming no one by my decision. + + "We sail tomorrow morning on the Saturn. It will be impossible for + me to come to your home before then. So this is good-by. When I come + back, if I come back, I want to meet your husband and see you in your + home. + + "And now I must speak of a little matter of which you are ignorant, + but of which you must be told before I go. Before your mother died, I + had made my will, leaving her everything I possessed, for you and she + were all the family I had ever known. After her death I changed her + name to yours. If anything should happen to me, my attorney, William + Faye, 149 Broadway, will attend to everything for you. He is also my + executor. + + "Most of what I have, would have come to you by law, anyway, Margaret, + for you are 'my nearest of kin'--isn't that the way the law puts it? + But you might have some unpleasantness from those Pennsylvania cousins + of ours, so I have protected you against such a contingency. + + "And now, Margaret, good-by and God bless you. + + "Your affectionate cousin, Jack." + +I finished the letter with a numb feeling at my heart. It seemed to me +as if one of the foundations of my life had given away. + +When Jack had left me after that miserable reunion dinner where he +had been hurt so cruelly by the news of my marriage during his year's +absence, he had said--ah, how well I remembered the words--"I shall +not see you again, dear girl, unless you need me, if you ever do. I +can't be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever +he may be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But wherever I +am, a note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, +and if the impossible should happen, and your husband, ever fail you, +remember Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +I had not expected to see Jack for months, perhaps years, but the +knowledge of his faithfulness, of his nearness, had been of much +comfort to me. And now he was going away, probably to his death. + +The most bitter knowledge of all, was that which forced itself upon +my mind. Jack was going to the war because he was unhappy over my +marriage. He had not said so, of course, in the letter which he knew +my husband must read, but I knew it. The remembrance of his face, +his voice, when I told him of my marriage was enough. I did not need +written words to know that perhaps I was sending him to his death! + +I glanced at the clock--11:15. Only three-quarters of an hour till +the train which was bringing my mother-in-law to our home was due! She +would be in the house within three-quarters of an hour! Would I have +time to dress, go after the flowers and cream we needed for luncheon +and be back in time to welcome her? + +Common sense whispered to omit the flowers, and send Katie for the +cream. But one of my faults or virtues--I never have been able to +decide which--is the persistence with which I stick to a plan, once +I have decided upon it. I made up my mind to take a chance on getting +back in time. + +I made my purchases and on my way back I stepped into the corner drug +store and telephoned Jack. He would not hear of my seeing him sail, +and he would not promise to write me. Then there was a long silence. I +wondered what he was debating with himself. + +"I am going to let you in on a little secret," he said at last. "I +have provided myself with the means of knowing how you fare, and I +suppose I ought to let you have the same privilege. You know Mrs. +Stewart, who keeps the boarding house where you and your mother lived +so many years?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"Well, she and I are going to correspond. Now, understand, Margaret, +I am going to send no messages to you. I want none from you. Remember, +you are married. Your husband objects to your friendship with me. I +will do nothing underhand. But if anything happens to you I shall know +it through Mrs. Stewart, and she will always know where I am and what +I am doing." + +"That is some comfort," I returned earnestly. "What time does the +Saturn sail tomorrow?" + +"At 10 o'clock. But, Madge, you must not come." + +"I know," I returned meekly enough, although a daring plan was just +beginning to creep into my brain. "And I will say good-by now, Jack. +Good-by, dear boy, and good luck." + +My voice was trembling, and there was a tremor in the deep voice that +answered. + +"Good-by, dear little girl. God bless and keep you." The next moment I +was stumbling out of the booth with just one thought, to get home +and bathe my eyes and pull myself together before the arrival of my +mother-in-law. + +I was just outside the drug store, and had realized that I'd left +my purchases in the telephone booth, when I heard my name called +excitedly. + +From the window of a taxicab Dicky was gesturing wildly, while beside +him a stately woman sat with a bored look upon her face. + +My mother-in-law had arrived! + +"Madge! What under the heavens is the matter?" + +Dicky sprang out of the taxicab, which had drawn up before the door of +the drug store, and seized my arm. + +"Nothing is the matter," I said shortly. "I went out to get some cream +for Katie's pudding and some flowers. I stopped here in the drug store +to get some of my headache tablets, and left the flowers and cream. +Some dust blew in my eyes. I suppose that's what makes you think I +have been crying." + +"That's you, all over," Dicky grumbled. "Risk not being at home to +greet mother in order to have a few flowers stuck around. Here, come +on and meet mother, and I'll go in and get your flowers." He took my +arm and made a step toward the taxicab. + +"No, no," I said hastily. "I know exactly where I left them. I won't +be a minute." + +Luckily the flowers and cream were where I had left them. I detest the +idea of arranging any part of one's toilet in public, but I did not +want the critical eyes of Dicky's mother to see my reddened eyes, and +roughened hair, which had been slightly loosened in my hurry. + +There was a mirror near the telephone booth at the back of the store. +I took off my fur cap, smoothed back my hair and put on the cap again. +From my purse I took a tiny powder puff and removed the traces of +tears. Then I fairly snatched my parcels and hurried to the door. +Dicky was just entering the store as I reached it. His face was black. +I saw that he was in one of his rages. + +"Look here, Madge," he said, and he made no pretense of lowering his +voice, "do you think my mother enjoys sitting there in that taxicab +waiting for you? She was so fatigued by her journey that she didn't +even want to have her baggage looked after, something unusual for her. +That is the reason we got here so early. And now she is positively +faint for a cup of tea, and you are fiddling around here over a lot of +flowers." + +If he had made no reference to his mother's faintness, I should have +answered him spiritedly. But I remembered my own little mother, and +her longing when fatigued for a cup of hot tea. + +"I'm awfully sorry, Dicky," I said meekly. "You see you arrived before +I thought you would. I'll get the tea for her the moment we reach the +house." + +But Dicky was not mollified. He stalked moodily ahead of me until +he reached the open door of the taxicab. Then his manner underwent a +sudden change. One would have thought him the most devoted of husbands +to see him draw me forward. + +"Mother," he said, and my heart glowed even in its resentment at the +note of pride in his voice, "this is my wife. Madge, my mother." + +Mrs. Graham was leaning back against the cushions of the taxicab. If +she had not looked so white and ill I should have resented the look of +displeasure that rested upon her features. + +"How do you do?" she said coldly. "You must pardon me, I am afraid, for +not saying the usual things. I have been very much upset." + +The studied insolence of the apology was infinitely worse than the +coldness of her manner. I waited for a moment to control myself before +answering her. + +"I am afraid that you are really ill," I said as cordially as I could. +"I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, but I did not expect you +quite so soon, and I had some errands." + +"It doesn't matter," she said indifferently. Her manner put me aside +from her consideration as if I had been a child or a servant. She +turned to Dicky. + +"Are we almost there, dear?" + +The warmth of her tones to him, the love displayed in every +inflection, set out in more bitter contrast the coldness with which +she was treating me. + +"Right here now," as the taxi drew up to the door of the apartment +house. There was a peculiar inflection in Dicky's voice. I stole a +glance at him. He was gazing at his mother with a puzzled look. I +fancied I saw also a trace of displeasure. But it vanished in another +minute as he sprang to the ground, paid the driver and helped his +mother and me out. + +She leaned heavily on his arm as we went up the stairs to the third +floor upon which our apartment was. + +At the door, Katie, who evidently had heard the taxicab, stood smiling +broadly. + +"This is Katie, mother," Dicky said kindly. "She will help take care +of you." + +"How do you do, Katie?" The words were the same, but the tones were +much kinder than her greeting to me. + +Dicky assisted her into the living room. She sank into the armchair, +and Dicky took off her hat and loosened her cloak. She leaned her head +against the back of the chair, and her face looked so drawn and white +that I felt alarmed. + +"Katie, prepare a cup of strong tea immediately," I directed, and +Katie vanished. "Is there nothing I can do for you, Mrs. Graham?" I +approached her chair. + +"Nothing, thank you. You may save the maid the trouble of preparing +that tea if you will. I could not possibly drink it. I always carry my +own tea with me, and prepare it myself. If it is not too much trouble, +Dicky, will you get me a pot of hot water and some cream? I have +everything else here." + +I really felt sorry for Dicky. He caught the tension in the +atmosphere, and looked from his mother to me with a helpless +caught-between-two-fires-expression. With masculine obtuseness he put +his foot in it in his endeavor to remedy matters. + +"Why do you call my mother Mrs. Graham, Madge?" he said querulously. +"She is your mother now as well as mine, you know." + +"I am nothing of the kind." His mother spoke sharply. "Of all the +idiotic assumptions, that is the worst, that marriage makes close +relatives, and friends of total strangers. Your wife and I may learn +to love each other. Then there will be plenty of time for her to call +me mother. As it is, I am very glad she evidently feels as I do about +it. Now, Dicky, if you will kindly get me that hot water." + +"I will attend to it," I said decidedly "Dicky, take your mother to +her room and assist her with her things. I will have the hot water and +cream for her almost at once." + +In the shelter of the dining room, where neither Dicky nor his mother +nor Katie could see or hear me, I clenched my hands and spoke aloud. + +"Call _her_ mother! Give that ill-tempered, tyrannical old woman the +sacred name that means so much to me. _Never_ as long as I live!" + +Dicky met me at the door of the dining room and took the tray I +carried. It held my prettiest teapot filled with boiling water, a tiny +plate of salted crackers, together with cup, saucer, spoon and napkin. + +"Say, sweetheart," he whispered, "I want to tell you something. My +mother isn't always like this. She can be very sweet when she wants +to. But when things don't go to suit her she takes these awful icy +'dignity' tantrums, and you can't touch her with a ten-foot pole until +she gets over them. She was tired, from the journey, and the fact that +you kept her waiting in the taxicab made her furious. But she'll get +over it. Just be patient, won't you, darling?" + +If the average husband only realized how he could play upon his wife's +heart-strings with a few loving words I believe there would be less +marital unhappiness in the world. A few minutes before I had been +fiercely resentful against Dicky's mother. And my anger had reached +to Dicky, for I felt in some vague way that he must be responsible for +his mother's rudeness. + +But the knowledge that he, too, was used to her injustice and that he +resented it when directed against me made all the difference in the +world. I reached up my hand and patted his cheek. + +"Dear boy, nothing in the world matters, if _you_ aren't cross and +displeased." + + + + +XIV + +A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + +"Can you give me a few minutes' time, Dicky? I have something to tell +you." + +Dicky put down the magazine with a bored air. "What is it?" he asked +shortly. + +Involuntarily my thoughts flew back to the exquisite courtesy which +had always been Dicky's in the days before we were married. There +had been such a delicate reverence in his every tone and action. I +wondered if marriage changed all men as it had changed my husband. + +I went to my room and brought the letter back to Dicky. He read it +through, and I saw his face grow blacker with each word. When he came +to the signature, he turned back to the beginning and read the epistle +through again. Then he crumpled it into a ball and threw it violently +across the room. + +"See here, my lady," he exploded. "I think it's about time we came to +a show-down over this business. When I found that first letter from +this lad, I asked you if he were a relative, and you said 'No.' Then +you hand me this touching screed with its 'nearest of kin' twaddle, +and speaking of leaving you a fortune. Now what's the answer?" + +"Oh, hardly a fortune, Dicky," I returned quietly. "Jack has only a +few thousand at the outside." + +I fear I was purposely provoking, but Dicky's sneering, insulting +manner roused every bit of spirit in me. + +"A few thousand you'll never touch as long as you are my wife," +stormed Dicky. "But you are evading my question." + +"Oh, no, I'm not," I said coolly. "That real relationship between Jack +and myself is so slight as to be practically nothing. He is the son of +a distant cousin of my mother's. Perhaps you remember that on the day +you made the scene about the letter you had just emphasized your very +close friendship for Mrs. Underwood in a fashion rather embarrassing +to me. I resolved that, to speak vulgarly, 'what was sauce for the +gander,' etc., and that I would put my friendship for Jack upon the +same basis as yours for Mrs. Underwood. So when you asked me whether +or not Jack was a relative I said 'No.'" + +"That makes this letter an insult both to you and to me," Dicky said +venomously, his face black with anger. + +I sprang to my feet, trembling with anger. + +"Be careful," I said icily. "You don't deserve an explanation, but you +shall have one, and that is the last word I shall ever speak to you +on the subject of Jack. His letter is the truth. I am his 'nearest +of kin,' save the cousins in Pennsylvania of whom he speaks. He was +orphaned in his babyhood and my mother's only sister legally adopted +him, and reared him as her own son. We were practically raised +together, for my mother and my aunt always lived near each other. Jack +was the only brother I ever knew. I the only sister he had. + +"When my aunt died she left him her little property with the +understanding that he would always look after my mother and myself. +He kept his promise royally. My mother and I owed him many, many +kindnesses. God forbid that I ever am given the opportunity to claim +Jack's property. But if he should be killed"--I choked upon the +word--"I shall take it and try to use it wisely, as he would have me +do." + +"Very touching, upon my word," sneered Dicky, "and very +interesting--if true." He almost spat the words out, he was so angry. + +"It does not matter to me in the least whether you believe it or not," +I returned frigidly. + +Dicky jumped up with an oath. "I know it doesn't matter to you. +Nothing is of any consequence to you but this"--he ripped out an +offensive epithet. "If he is so near and dear to you, it's a wonder +you don't want to go over and bid him a fond farewell." + +I was fighting to keep back the tears. As soon as I could control my +voice I spoke slowly: + +"The reason why I did not go is because I thought you might not like +it. God knows, I wanted to go." + +I walked steadily to my room, closed the door and locked it and fell +upon the bed, a sobbing heap. + +"Where are you going?" Dicky's voice was fairly a snarl as I faced him +a little later in my street costume. + +"I do not know," I replied truthfully and coldly. "I am going out +for the rest of the afternoon. Perhaps you will be able to control +yourself when I return." + +It was not the most tactful speech in the world. But I was past caring +whether Dicky were angry or pleased. I am not very quick to wrath, but +when it is once roused my anger is intense. + +"You know you are lying," he said loudly. "You are going to see this +precious-cousin-brother-lover, whichever he may be." + +My fear that Katie or his mother would hear him overcame the primitive +impulse I had to avenge the insolent words with a blow, as a man +would. + +"You will apologize for that language to me when I come back," I said +icily. "I do not know whether I shall go to bid Jack good-by or not. I +have no idea what I shall do, save that I must get away from here for +a little while. But if you have any sense of the ordinary decencies +of life you will lower your voice. I do not suppose you care to have +either your mother or Katie overhear this edifying conversation." + +"Much you care about what my mother thinks," Dicky rejoined, and this +time his voice was querulous, but decidedly lower. "Fine courteous +treatment you're giving her, leaving her like this when she has been +in the house but a couple of hours." + +"Your mother has shown such eagerness for my society that no doubt she +will be heartbroken if she awakens and finds that I am not here." + +"That's right, slam my mother. Why didn't you say in the first place +you couldn't bear to have her in the same house with you?" + +"Dicky, you are most unjust," I began hotly, and then stopped +horror-stricken. + +"What is the matter, my son?" The incisive voice of my mother-in-law +sounded from the door of her room. + +"Go back to bed, mother," Dicky said hastily. "I'm awfully sorry we +disturbed you." + +"Disturbing me doesn't matter," she said decidedly, "but what you were +saying does. I heard you mention me, and I naturally wish to know if I +am the subject of this very remarkable conversation." + +I know now where Dicky gets the sneering tone which sets me wild when +he directs it against me. His mother's inflection is exactly like her +son's. The contemptuous glance with which she swept me nerved me to +speak to her in a manner which I had never dreamed I would use toward +Dicky's mother. + +"Mrs. Graham," I said, raising my head and returning her stare with +a look equally cold and steady, "my husband"--I emphasized the words +slightly--"and I are discussing something which cannot possibly +concern you. You were not the subject of conversation, and your name +was brought in by accident. I hope you will be good enough to allow us +to finish our discussion." + +My mother-in-law evidently knows when to stop. She eyed me steadily +for a moment. + +"Dicky," she said at last, and her manner of sweeping me out of the +universe was superb, "in five minutes I wish to speak to you in my +room." + +"All right, mother." Dicky's tone was unsteady, and as his mother's +door closed behind her I prepared myself to face his increased anger. + +"How dared you to speak to my mother in that fashion?" he demanded +hoarsely. + +When I am most angry, a diabolically aggravating spirit seems to +possess me. I could feel it enmeshing me. + +"Please don't be melodramatic, Dicky," I said mockingly, "and if you +have quite finished, I will go." + +"No, you won't, at least not until I have told you something," he +snarled. + +He sprang to my side, and seized my shoulder in a cruel grip that made +me wince. + +"We'll just have this out once for all," he said. "If you go out of +this door you go out for good. I don't care for the role of complacent +husband." + +The insult left me deadly cold. I knew, of course, that Dicky was +so blinded by rage and jealousy that he had no idea of what he was +saying. But ungovernable as I knew his temper to be, he had passed the +limits of my forebearance. + +"I will answer that speech in 10 minutes," I said and walked into my +room again. + +For I had come to a decision as startling as it was sudden. I hastily +threw some most necessary things into a bag. Then I put a ten-dollar +bill of the housekeeping money into my purse, resolving to send +it back to Dicky as soon as I could get access to my own tiny bank +account, the remnant of my teaching savings. Into a parcel I placed +the rest of the housekeeping money, my wedding and engagement rings +and the lavalliere which Dicky had given me as a wedding present. I +put them in the back of the top drawer of my dressing table, for I +knew if I handed them to Dicky in his present frame of mind he would +destroy them. Then I walked steadily into the living room, bag in +hand. + +Dicky was nowhere to be seen, but I heard the murmur of voices in his +mother's room. I went to the door and knocked. Dicky threw it open, +his face still showing the marks of his anger. + +"You will find the housekeeping money in the top drawer of my dressing +table," I said calmly. "I will send you my address as soon as I have +one, and you will please have Katie pack up my things and send them to +me." + +I turned and went swiftly to the door. As I closed it after me, I +thought I heard Dicky cry out hoarsely. But I did not stop. + + + + +XV + +"BUT I LOVE YOU" + + +With my bag in my hand, I fairly fled down the stairs which led from +our third floor apartment to the street. I had no idea where I was +going or what I was going to do. Only one idea possessed me--to put +as much space as possible between me and the apartment which held my +husband and his mother. + +Reaching the street, I started to walk along it briskly. But, +trembling as I was from the humiliating scene I had just gone through, +I saw that I could not walk indefinitely, and that I must get to some +place at once where I could be alone and think. + +"Taxi, ma'am?" + +A taxi whose driver evidently had been watching me in the hope of a +fare rolled up beside me. + +I dived into it gratefully. At least in its shelter I would be alone +and safe from observation for a few minutes, long enough for me to +decide what to do next. + +"Where to, ma'am?" + +I searched my memory wildly for a moment. Where to, indeed! But the +chauffeur waited. + +"Brooklyn Bridge," I said desperately. + +"Very well, ma'am," and in another minute we were speeding swiftly +southward. + +As I cowered against the cushions of the taxi, with burning cheeks and +crushed spirit, I realized that my marriage with Dicky was not a yoke +that I could wear or not as I pleased. It was still on my shoulders, +heavy just now, but a burden that I realized I loved and could not +live without. + +And I had thought to end it all when I dashed out of the apartment! + +I knew that I could have done nothing else but walk out after Dicky +uttered his humiliating ultimatum. But I also knew Dicky well enough +to realize that when he came to himself he would regret what he had +done and try to find me. I must make it an easy task for him. + +So I decided my destination quickly. I would go to my old boarding +place, where my mother and I had lived and where I had first met +Dicky. My kindly old landlady, Mrs. Stewart, was one of my best +friends. Without telling too broad a falsehood, I could make her +believe I had come to spend the night with her. The next day, I hoped, +would solve its own problems. + +"This is the bridge entrance, ma'am." The chauffeur's voice broke my +revery. I had made my decision just in time. + +How fortunate it was that I had chosen the Brooklyn Bridge +destination! I had only to walk up the stairs to the elevated train +that took me within three squares of Mrs. Stewart's home. + +"Bless your heart, child, but I am glad to see you!" was Mrs. +Stewart's hearty greeting. Then she glanced at my bag. I hastened to +explain. + +"Mr. Graham's mother is with us, so I haven't any scruples about +leaving him alone," I said lightly. "It's so far over here I thought +I would stay the night with you, so that we could have the good long +visit I promised you when I was here last." + +"That's splendid," she agreed heartily, "and I'll wager you can't +guess who's here." + +My prophetic soul told me the answer even before I saw the tall figure +emerge from an immense easy chair which had effectually concealed him. + +I was to bid Jack good-by after all. + +Mrs. Stewart closed the door behind her softly as Jack came over to my +side. + +"What is the matter, Margaret?" he said tensely. + +"Nothing at all." I told the falsehood gallantly, but it did not +convince Jack. + +"You can't make me believe that, Margaret," he said gravely. "I know +you too well. Tell me, have you quarrelled with your husband?" + +Jack has played the elder brother role to me for so long that the +habit of obedience to him is second nature to me. + +"Yes," I said faintly. + +"Over me?" The question was quick and sharp. + +I nodded. + +"You showed him my letter? Of course, I wished you to do so." + +"Yes." + +"How serious is the quarrel? I see you have a bag with you." + +"It depends upon my husband's attitude how serious it is," I replied. +"He made an issue of my not doing something which I felt I must +do. Then he lost his temper and said things which if they are to be +repeated, will keep me away forever!" + +I saw Jack's fists clench, and into his eyes there flashed a queer +light. I knew what it was. Before he knew I was married he had told me +of his long secret love for me. That he was fighting the temptation to +let the breach between Dicky and me widen, I knew as well as if he had +told me. + +Another moment, however, and he was master of himself again. + +"Sit down," he commanded tersely, and when I had obeyed he drew a +chair close to my side. + +"My poor child," he said tenderly, "I know nothing about your husband, +so I cannot judge this quarrel. But I am afraid in this marriage game +you will learn that there must be a lot of giving up on both sides. +Now I know you to be absolutely truthful. Tell me, is there any +possibility that the overtures for a reconciliation ought to come from +you?" + +"He told me that if I went out of the door, I must go out of it for +good," I said hotly, and could have bitten my tongue out for the words +the next moment. + +Jack drew a long breath. + +"Did he think you were going to see me?" + +"I believe he had that idea, yes." + +"Is he the sort of a man who always says what he means or does he +say outrageous things when he is angry that he does not mean in the +least?" + +"He has a most ungovernable temper, but he gets over the attacks +quickly, and I know he doesn't mean all he says." + +"That settles it." Jack sprang up, and going to a stand in the corner +took his hat and coat and stick. + +"What are you going to do, Jack?" I gasped. + +"I am going to find your husband and send him after you," he said +sternly. + +"Jack, you mustn't," I said wildly. + +"But I must," he returned firmly. "You have quarrelled over me. I +could not cross the water leaving you in an unsettled condition like +this." + +He came swiftly to my side, and took my hands firmly in his. + +"Margaret, remember this, if I die or live, all I am and all I have is +at your service. If I die there will be enough, thank heaven, to make +you independent of any one. If I live--" + +He hesitated for a long moment, then stooped closer to me. + +"This may be a caddish thing to do, but it is borne in upon me that +I ought to tell you this before I go. I hope the settling of this +quarrel will be the beginning of a happier life for you. But if +things should ever get really unbearable in your life, bad enough for +divorce, I mean, remember that the dearest wish of my life would be +fulfilled if I could call you wife. Good-by, Margaret. God bless and +keep you." + +I felt the touch of his lips against my hair. + +Then he released me and went quickly out of the room. + +It was hard work for me to obey Mrs. Stewart's command to eat the +supper that she soon brought me on a tray. Every nerve was tense in +anticipation of the meeting between Dicky and Jack, which I could not +avoid, and which I so dreaded. What was happening at my home while I +sat here, my hands tied by my own foolish act? + +I did not realize that Mrs. Stewart's suspense was also intense until +the door bell rang and she ran to answer it. + +I stole to the door and noiselessly opened it just enough to be able +to hear the voices in the lower hall. I heard the hall door open and +then a sound of a voice that sent me back to my chair breathless with +terrified happiness. + +Dicky had arrived! + +He ran up the stairs, two steps at a time, and knocked at the door of +the room in which I sat. + +"Come in," I said faintly. + +I felt as if my feet were shod with lead. Much as I loved him, great +as was my joy at seeing him, I could no more have stirred from where I +was sitting than I could have taken wings and flown to him. + +There was no need for my moving, however. Dicky has the most +abominable temper of any person I know, but he is as royal in his +repentance as in his rages. + +He crossed the room at almost a bound, his eyes shining, his face +aglow, his whole handsome figure vibrant with life and love. + +"Sweetheart! sweetheart!" he murmured, as he folded me in his arms," +will you forgive your bad boy this once more? I have been a jealous, +insulting brute, but I swear to you--" + +I put up my hand and covered his lips. I had heard him say something +like this too many times before to have much faith in his oath. +Besides, there is something within me that makes me abhor anything +which savors of a scene. Dicky was mine again, my old, impulsive, +kingly lover. I wanted no promises which I knew would be made only to +be broken. + +It was a long time before either of us spoke again, and then Dicky +drew a deep breath. + +"I have a confession to make about your cousin, Madge," he began, +carefully avoiding my eyes, "and I might as well get it over with +before we go home. Mother's probably asleep, but she might wake up, +and then there would be no chance for any talk by ourselves." + +"Don't tell me anything unless you wish to do so, Dicky," I replied +gently. "I am content to leave things just as they are without +question." + +"No," Dicky said stubbornly, "it's due you and it's due your cousin +that I tell you this. I don't often make a bally ass of myself, but +when I do I am about as willing a person to eat dirt about it as you +can find." + +I never shall get used to Dicky's expressions. The language in which +he couched his repentance seemed so uncouth to me that I mentally +shivered. Outwardly I made no sign, however. + +"When he came to the apartment," Dicky went on, "I was just about as +nearly insane as a man could be. I had no idea where you had gone and +I had just had the devil's own time with my mother and Katie over your +sudden departure." + +"What did your mother say to all this?" + +I asked the question timorously. + +Dicky laughed. "Well! of course she didn't go into raptures over +the affair," he said, "but I think she learned a lesson. At least I +endeavored to help her learn one. I read the riot act to her after you +left." + +"Oh! Dicky!" I protested, "that was hardly fair?" + +"I know it," he admitted shamefacedly. "I am afraid I did rather take +it out on the mater when I found you had really gone. But she deserved +a good deal of it. You have done everything in your power to make +things pleasant for her since she came, and she has treated you about +as shabbily as was possible." + +"Oh! not that bad, Dicky," I protested again, but I knew in my heart +that what he said was true. His mother had treated me most unfairly. +I could not help a little malicious thrill of pleasure that he had +finally resented it for me. + +"Just that bad, little Miss Forgiveness," Dicky returned, smiling at +me tenderly. + +My heart leaped at the words. When Dicky is in good humor he coins all +sorts of tender names for me. I knew that to Dicky our quarrel was as +if it had never happened. + +"I'll give you a pointer about mother, Madge," Dicky went on. "When +you see her, act as if nothing had happened at all, it's the only +way to manage her. She can be most charming when she wants to be, +but every once in a while she takes one of those silent tantrums, and +there is no living with her until she gets over it." + +I didn't make any comment on this speech, fearing to say the wrong +thing. + +"But I didn't start to tell you about Katie." Dicky switched the +subject determinedly. "I might as well get it off my chest. When your +cousin came in and introduced himself the first thing I did was to +attempt to strike him." + +"Oh, Dicky, Dicky," I moaned, horrified, "what did he do?" + +Dicky's lips twisted grimly. + +"Just put out his hand and caught my arm, saying with that calm and +quiet voice of his: + +"'I shall not return any blow you may give me, Mr. Graham, so please +do not do anything you will regret when you recover yourself!' + +"I realized his strength of body and the grip he had on my arm and +even my half-crazed brain recognized the power of his spirit. I came +to, apologized, and we had a long talk that made me realize what a +thundering good fellow he must be. + +"I don't see why you never fell in love with him," Dicky continued. +"He's a better man than I am," he paraphrased half wistfully. + +"But I love YOU," I whispered. + +Across Dicky's face there fell a shadow. I realized that thoughtlessly +I had wounded him. + + + + +XVI + +INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + +"Margaret!" My mother-in-law's tone was almost tragic. "Richard has +gone off with my trunk checks." + +"Why, of course, he has," I returned, wondering a little at her +anxious tone. "I suppose he expects to give them to an expressman and +have the trunks brought up this morning." + +"Richard never remembered anything in his life," said his mother +tartly. "Those trunks ought to be here before I leave for the day." + +"Oh, I don't think it would be possible for them to arrive here before +we have to start, even if Dicky gives them to an expressman right +away, as I am sure he will do." + +It seemed queer to be defending Dicky to his mother, but I felt a +curious little thrill of resentment that she should criticise him. +I sometimes may judge Dicky harshly myself, but I don't care to hear +criticism of him from any other lips, even those of his mother. + +"Richard will carry those checks in his pocket until he comes home +again, if he is lucky enough not to lose them," said his mother +decidedly. "I wish you would telephone him at his studio and remind +him that they must be looked after." + +Obediently I went to the telephone. I knew Dicky had had plenty +of time to get to the studio, as it was but a short walk from our +apartment. + +"Madison Square 3694," I said in answer to Central's request for +"number." + +When the answer came I almost dropped the receiver in my surprise. It +was not Dicky's voice that came to my ears, but that of a stranger, a +woman's voice, rich and musical. + +"Yes?" with a rising inflection, "this is Mr. Graham's studio. He has +not yet reached here. What message shall I give him, please, when he +comes in?" + +"Please ask him to call up his home." Then I hung up the receiver and +turned from the telephone, putting down my agitation with a firm hand +until I could be alone. + +"Dicky has not yet reached the studio," I said to his mother calmly. +"I think very probably he has gone first to see an expressman about +your trunks. If you will pardon me I have a few things to attend to +before we start on our trip. Is there anything I can do for you?" + +"No, thank you." Mrs. Graham's tone was still the cold, courteous one +that she used in addressing me. "I suppose I can ring for Katie when I +am ready to have my dress fastened?" + +"Oh! by all means," I returned. I thought bitterly of the little +services I used to perform for my own mother. How gladly I would +anticipate the wants of Dicky's mother if she would only show me +affection instead of the ill-concealed aversion with which she +regarded me. + +My mother-in-law went into her room, and I, walking swiftly to mine, +closed and locked the door behind me. I threw myself face downward on +the bed, my favorite posture when I wished to think things out. + +The voice of the woman at the studio haunted me. It was strange, but +familiar, and I could not remember where I had heard it. + +What was a woman doing in Dicky's studio at this time in the morning, +anyway? I knew that Dicky employed feminine models, but I also knew +that he always made it a point to be at the studio before the model +was due to arrive. + +"I suppose I am an awful crank," he had laughed once, "but no models +rummaging among my things for mine." + +I knew that Dicky employed no secretary, or at least he had told me +that he did not I had heard him laughingly promise himself that when +his income reached $10,000 a year he would hire one. + +All at once the solution to the mystery dawned upon me. The rich, +musical voice belonged to Grace Draper, the beautiful girl whom Dicky +had seen first on a train on our memorable trip to Marvin. + +Why hadn't Dicky told me that she was at the studio? The question +rankled in the back of my brain. + +That was not my main concern, however. What swept me with a sudden +primitive emotion, which I know must be jealousy, was the picture +of that beautiful face, that wonderful figure in daily close +companionship with my husband. + +Suppose she should fall in love with Dicky! To my mind I did not +see how any woman could help it. Would she have any scruples about +endeavoring to win Dicky's love from me? + +My common sense told me that this was the veriest nonsense. But I +could no more help my feelings than I could control the shape of my +nose. + +The ring of the telephone bell put a temporary end to my speculations. +I pulled myself together in order to talk calmly to Dicky, for I knew +it must be he who was calling. + +"Madge, is this you? Whatever has happened?" + +"Nothing is the matter," I said quickly, "but you have your mother's +trunk checks, and she is anxious about them." + +"By Jove!" Dicky's voice was full of consternation. "I forgot +everything about those trunk checks until this minute. I should +have attended to them yesterday, but"--he hesitated, then finished +lamely--"I didn't have time." + +I felt my face flush as though Dicky could see me. The reason why +he did not have time to see to his mother's trunks on the day of her +arrival, touched a subject any allusion to which would always bring a +flush to my face. + +I was still too shaken with the varying emotions I had experienced the +day before to bear well any reference to them, no matter how casual. +Fortunately, Dicky was too much taken up with his own remissness to +notice my silence. + +"I'll go out this minute and attend to them," he said. "Try to keep +the mater's mind diverted from them if you can. Better get her away on +your sight-seeing trip as soon as possible." + +Having thus shifted his responsibilities to my shoulders, Dicky +blithely hung up the receiver. I turned to his mother. + +"Well!" she demanded. + +"He is going out now to attend to the trunks," I said. + +"There! I knew he had forgotten them," she exclaimed, with a little +malicious feminine triumph running through her tones. "When will they +be here?" + +"Not before noon at the earliest," I repeated Dicky's words in as +matter-of-fact way as possible. "Probably not until 2 or 3 o'clock in +the afternoon. We might as well start on our trip. Katie is perfectly +capable of attending to them." + +Then she said, "How soon will you be ready?" + +"I am afraid it will be half an hour before I can start," I said +apologetically. + +"That will be all right," my mother-in-law returned good humoredly. +She was evidently much pleased at the prospect of the trip. + +"It's wonderful! Wonderful!" she said as the full view of New York +harbor burst upon our eyes when we came out of the subway and rounded +the Barge office into Battery Park. + +"Wait a moment. I want to fill my soul with it." + +I felt my heart warm toward her. I have always loved the harbor. Many +treasured hours have I spent watching it from the sea wall or from +the deck of one of the Staten Island ferries. To me it is like a +loved friend. I enjoy hearing its praises, I shrink from hearing it +criticised. Mrs. Graham's hearty admiration made me feel more kindly +toward her than I had yet done. + +Neither of us spoke again for several minutes. My gaze followed my +mother-in-law's as she turned from one marvel of the view to another. + +At last she turned to me, her face softened. "I am ready to go on +now," she said. "I have always loved the remembrance of this harbor +since I first saw it years ago." + +We walked slowly on toward the Aquarium, both of us watching the ships +as they came into the bay from the North river. The fussy, spluttering +little tugs, the heavily laden ferries, the lazy fishing boats, the +dredges and scows--even the least of them was made beautiful by its +setting of clear winter sun and sparkling water. + +"How few large ocean steamers there seem to be!" commented my +mother-in-law, as a large ocean-going vessel cast off its tug and +glided past us on its way out to sea. "I suppose it is on account of +the war," she continued indifferently. + +At this moment I heard a comment from a passing man that brought back +to me the misery of the day before. + +"I guess that's the Saturn," he said to his companion as they walked +near us. "She was due to sail this morning. Got a lot of French +reservists on board. Poor devils! Anybody getting into that hell over +there has about one chance in a million to get out again." + +Forgetful of my mother-in-law's presence, indeed, of everything else +in the world, I turned and gazed at the steamer making its way out to +sea. I knew that somewhere on its decks stood Jack, my brother-cousin, +the best friend my mother and I had ever known. When he had come back +from a year's absence to ask me to be his wife he had found that I +had married Dicky. Then he had announced his intention of joining the +French engineering corps. + +What had that man said just now? Not one chance in a million! I felt +as if it were my hand that was pushing him across the ocean to almost +certain death. + +When I could no longer see the Saturn as she churned her way out to +sea, I turned around quickly with a sense of guilt at having ignored +my mother-in-law's presence, and then a voice sounded in my ear. + +"You don't seem delighted to see me. I am surprised at you." + +Harry Underwood towered above me, his handsome face marred by the +little, leering smile he generally wears, his bold, laughing eyes +staring down into my horrified ones. + +I do not believe that ever a woman of a more superstitious time +dreaded the evil eye as I do the glance of Harry Underwood. + +How to answer him or what to do I did not know. He evidently had been +drinking enough to make himself irresponsible. + +He did not give me time to ponder long, however, "Who is your lady +friend," he burlesqued. "Introduce me." + +A man less audacious than Harry Underwood would have been daunted by +the picture my mother-in-law presented as he turned toward her. Her +figure was drawn up to its extreme height, and she was surveying him +through her lorgnette with an expression that held disgust mingled +with the curiosity an explorer might feel at meeting some strange +specimen of animal in his travels. + +"Mrs. Graham, this is Mr. Underwood," I managed to stammer. "Mr. +Underwood, Mrs. Graham, Dicky's mother." + +My mother-in-law may overawe ordinary people, but Harry Underwood +minded her disdain no more than he would have the contempt of a +stately Plymouth Rock hen. She had lowered the lorgnette as I spoke, +and he grabbed the hand which still held it, shaking it as warmly as +if it belonged to some long-lost friend. + +"Well! Well!" he said effusively. "But this is great. Dear old Dicky's +mother!" He stopped and fixed a speculating stare upon her. "You mean +his sister," he said reprovingly to me. "Don't tell me you mean his +mother. No, no, I can't believe that." + +He shook his head solemnly. Evidently he was much impressed with +himself. If I had not been so miserable I could have smiled at the +idea of Harry Underwood trying on the elder Mrs. Graham the silly +specious flatteries he addressed to most women. My mother-in-law did +not deign to answer him. Her manner was superb in its haughty reserve, +although I could not say much for her courtesy. As he released her +hand she let it drop quietly to her side and stood still, gazing at +him with a quiet, disdainful look that would have made almost any +other man wince. + +But it did not bother Harry Underwood in the least. He gave her a +shrewd appraising look and then turned to me with an air of dismissal +that was as complete as her ignoring of him. + +"Say!" he demanded, "aren't you a bit curious about what brought me +down here? You ought to be. The funniest thing in the world, my being +down here." + +His silly repetitions, his slurred enunciation, his slightly unsteady +figure made me realize with a quick horror that the man was more +intoxicated than I supposed. How to get away from him as quickly as +possible was the problem I faced. I decided to humor him as I would +any other insane person I dreaded. + +"I am never curious," I responded lightly. "I suppose, of course, that +you are here to visit the Aquarium, as we are. Good-by." + +"No you don't--goin' to take you and little lady here on nice ferry +trip," he announced genially. "Sorry, yacht's out of commission this +morning, but ferry will do very well." + +I have not much reason to like my mother-in-law, but I shall always +be grateful to her for the way she cut the Gordian knot of my +difficulties. + +"Young man, you are impertinent and intoxicated," she said haughtily. +"Please step aside." + +And taking me firmly by the arm my mother-in-law walked steadily with +me toward the door of the women's rest room. Her manner of conducting +me was much the same as the matron of a reformatory would use in +taking a charge from one place to another, but I was too relieved +to care. The leering face of Harry Underwood was no longer before my +eyes, and his befuddled words no longer jarred upon my ears. Those +were the only things that mattered to me for the moment. In my relief +I felt strong enough to brave the weight of my mother-in-law's anger, +which I was very sure was about to descend upon me. + + + + +XVII + +A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + +Safe in the shelter of the Aquarium rest room my mother-in-law faced +me. Her eyes were cold and hard, her tones like ice, as she spoke. + +"Margaret! What is the meaning of this outrageous scene to which you +have just subjected me? Am I to understand that this man is typical of +your associates and friends? If so, I am indeed sorrier than ever that +my son was ever inveigled into marrying you." + +For the moment I had a primitive instinct to scream and to smash +things generally, a sort of Berserk rage. The insult left me deadly +cold. Fortunately we were alone in the room, but I lowered my voice +almost to a whisper as I replied to her: + +"Mrs. Graham," I said. "I never in my life knew there was a man like +Mr. Underwood until I married your son. He and his wife, Lillian Gale, +are your son's most intimate friends. He has almost forced me to meet +them time and again against my own inclinations. Of course, after +what you have just said, there can be no further question of our trip +together. If you will kindly wait here I will telephone your son to +come and get you at once." + +I started for the door, but a little gasping cry from my mother-in-law +stopped me. She was feebly beating the air with her hands, her eyes +were distended, and her cheeks and lips had the ashen color which I +had learned to associate with my own little mother's frequent attacks. + +Filled with remorse, I flew to her side and lowered her gently into an +arm chair which stood near. Snatching her handbag I opened it and +took out a little bottle of volatile salts which I knew she carried. +I pressed it into her hands, and then took out a tiny bottle of drops +with a familiar label. They were the same that my mother had used for +years. Taking a spoon which I also found in the bag, I measured the +drops, added a bit of water from the faucet in the adjoining room, +and gave them to her. As I came toward her I heard her murmuring to +herself: + +"Lillian Gale! Lillian Gale!" she was saying. "How blind I've been." + +Even in my anxiety for her condition I found time to wonder as to the +significance of her exclamations. Evidently the name of Lillian Gale +was familiar to her. From her tones also I knew that it was not a +welcome name. What was there in this past friendship of Dicky and +Mrs. Underwood to cause his mother so much emotion? I remembered the +comments I had heard at the theatre about my husband's friendship with +this woman. + +All my old doubts and misgivings which had been smothered by the very +real admiration I had felt for Lillian Gale's many good qualities +revived. What was the secret in the lives of these two? I felt that +for my own peace of mind I must know. + +The color was gradually coming back to my mother-in-law's face. I +stood by her chair, forgetting her insults, remembering nothing save +that she was old and a sick woman. + +"Is there anything I can get for you?" I asked as I saw the strained +look in her eyes die out. + +"Nothing, thank you," she said. Then to my surprise she reached up her +hand, took mine in hers, and pressed it feebly. I could not understand +her quick transition from bitter contempt to friendly warmth. +Evidently something in my words had startled her and had changed her +viewpoint. But I put speculation aside until some more opportune time. +The imperative thing for me was to minister to her needs, mentally and +physically. + +"How do you feel now?" I asked. + +"Much better, thank you," she replied. Then in a tone I had never +heard from her lips before: "Come here, my child." + +I could hardly credit my own ears. Surely those gentle words, that +soft tone, could not belong to my husband's mother, who, in the short +time she had been an inmate of our home, had lost no opportunity to +show her dislike for me, and her resentment that her son had married +me. + +But I obeyed her and came to her side. She put up her hand and took +mine, and I saw her proud old face work with emotion. + +"I was unjust to you a few moments ago, Margaret," she said, "and I +want to beg your pardon." + +If she had not been old, in feeble health and my husband's mother, I +would have considered the words scant reparation for the contemptuous +phrases with which she had scourged my spirit a few moments before. + +But I was sane enough to know that the simple "I beg your pardon" from +the lips of the elder Mrs. Graham was equivalent to a whole torrent of +apologies from any ordinary person. I knew my mother-in-law's type of +mind. To admit she was wrong, to ask for one's forgiveness, was to her +a most bitter thing. + +So I put aside from me every other feeling but consideration of the +proud old woman holding my hand, and said gently: + +"I can assure you that I cherish no resentment. Let us not speak of it +again." + +"I am afraid we shall have to speak of it, at least of the incident +which led me to say the things to you I did," she returned. I saw with +amazement that she was trying to conquer an emotion, the reason for +which I felt certain had something to do with her discovery that the +Underwoods were Dick's friends. + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she went on, "a very painful duty, +which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I beg +that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. It +is far better that you do not." + +I felt smothered, as if I were being swathed in folds upon folds +of black cloth. What could this mystery be, this secret in the past +friendship of my husband and Lillian Gale, the woman whom he had +introduced to me as his best friend, and into whose companionship +and that of her husband, Harry Underwood, he had thrown me as much as +possible. + +A hot anger rose within me. What right had anyone to deny knowledge +of such a secret, or to discourage me in any attempt to find out its +nature. I resolved to lose no time in probing the unworthy thing to +its depths. + +My mother-in-law's next words crystallized my determination. + +"I think I ought to see Richard at once," she said. "I am sorry to +give up our trip. I had quite counted upon seeing some of old New York +today, but I wish to lose no time in seeing him. Besides, I do not +think I am equal to further sightseeing." + +"It will be of no use for you to go home," I said smoothly, "for +Richard will not be there, and he has left the studio by now, I am +sure. He has an engagement with an art editor this afternoon. We may +not be able to look at the churches you wished to see, but you ought +to have some luncheon before we go home. I will call a cab and we will +go over to Fraunces's Tavern, one of the most interesting places in +New York. You know Washington said farewell to his officers in the +long room on the second floor." + +The first part of my sentence was a deliberate falsehood. I had no +reason to believe Dicky would not be at his studio all day, but I had +resolved that no one should speak to my husband on the subject of the +secret which his past and that of Lillian Gale shared until I had had +a chance to talk to him about it. + +I do not know when a simple problem has so perplexed me as did the +dilemma I faced while sitting opposite my mother-in-law at lunch in +Fraunces's Tavern. + +With the obstinacy of a spoiled child the elder Mrs. Graham was +persisting in sitting with her heavy coat on while she ate her +luncheon, although our table was next to the big, old fireplace, in +which a good fire was burning. Indeed, it was the table's location, +which she had selected herself, that was the cause of her obstinacy. +She had construed an innocent remark of mine into a slur upon her +choice, and had evidently decided to wear her coat to emphasize the +fact that in spite of the fire she was none too warm, and there she +had sat all through lunch with her heavy coat on. + +As I watched the beads of perspiration upon her forehead, and her +furtive dabbing at them with her handkerchief, I realized that +something must be done. I saw that she would soon be in a condition to +receive a chill, which might prove fatal. + +Suddenly her imperious voice broke into my thoughts. + +"Where is the Long Room of which you spoke? On the second floor?" + +"Yes. Would you like to see it?" + +"Very much." She rose from her chair, crossed the dining room into +the hall and ascended the staircase, and I followed her upward, noting +again, with a quick remorsefulness, her slow step, the way she leaned +upon the stair rail for support and her quickened breathing as she +neared the top. It was a little thing, after all, I told myself +sharply, to subordinate my individuality and cater to her whims. I +resolved to be more considerate of her in the future. But my native +caution made me make a reservation. I would yield to her wishes +whenever my self-respect would let me do so. I had a shrewd notion +that a person who would cater to every whim of my husband's mother +would be little better than a slave. + +She spent so much time over the old letters in Washington's +handwriting, the snuff boxes and keys and coins with which the cases +were filled that I was alarmed lest she should over-tire herself. But +I did not dare to venture the suggestion that she should postpone her +inspection until another time. + +But when I saw her shiver and draw her cloak more closely about her, I +resolved to brave her possible displeasure. + +"I am afraid you are taking cold," I said, going up to her. "Do you +think we had better leave the rest of these things for another visit?" + +Her face as she turned it toward me frightened me. It was gray and +drawn, and her whole figure was shaking as with the ague. + +"I am afraid I am going to be ill," she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +I put her in a chair and dashed down the stairs. + +"Please call a taxi for me at once, and bring some brandy or wine +upstairs," I said to the attendant. "My mother-in-law is ill." + +As the taxi hurried us homeward I became more and more alarmed at her +condition. Her very evident suffering now heightened my fears. + +"Are we nearly there?" she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +"Only a few blocks more." I tried to speak reassuringly. Then I +ventured on something which I had wanted to do ever since we left the +tavern, but which my mother-in-law's dislike of being aided in any way +had prevented. + +I slipped off my coat, and, turning toward her, wrapped it closely +around her shoulders, and took her in my arms as I would a child. To +my surprise she huddled closer to me, only protesting faintly: + +"You must not do that. You will take cold." + +"Nonsense," I replied. "I never take cold, and we are almost there." + +"I am so glad," she sighed, and leaned more heavily against me. + +As I felt her weight in my arms and realized that she was actually +clinging to me, actually depending upon me for help and comfort, I +felt my heart warm toward her. + +I have never worked faster in my life than when I helped my +mother-in-law undress before the blazing gas log, put her nightgown +and heavy bathrobe around her and immersed her feet in the foot bath +of hot mustard water which Katie had brought to me. + +As I worked over her I came to a decision. I would get her safe and +warm in bed, leave Katie within call, then slip out and telephone +Dicky from the neighboring drug store. I did not dare to send for a +physician against my mother-in-law's expressed prohibition. On the +other hand, I knew that Dicky would be very angry if I did not send +for one. + +The hot footbath and the steaming drink which I had given her when she +first came in, together with the warmth of the gas log seemed to make +my mother-in-law more comfortable. As I dried her feet and slipped +them into a pair of warm bedroom slippers she smiled down at me. + +"At least I am not cold now," she said. + +"Don't you think you had better come and lie down now?" I asked. + +"Yes, I think it would be better," she asserted, and with Katie and me +upon either side, she walked into her room and got into bed. + +I slipped the bedroom slippers off, put one hot water bag to her +feet and the other to her back, covered her up warmly and lowered the +shade. + +Her eyes closed immediately. I stood watching her breathing for two or +three minutes. It was heavier, I fancied than normal. As I went out +of the room I spoke in a low tone to Katie, directing her to watch her +till I returned. + +As I descended the stairs all the doubts of the morning rushed over +me. It was long after 2 o'clock, the hour when Dicky usually returned +to the studio. I had jumped at the conclusion that Dicky was lunching +with Grace Draper, the beautiful art student who was his model and +protégé. + +It was not so much anger that I felt at Dicky's lunching with another +woman as fear. I faced the issue frankly. Grace Draper was much too +beautiful and attractive a girl to be thrown into daily intimate +companionship with any man. I felt in that moment that I hated her as +much as I feared her. I hoped that it would not be her voice which I +would hear over the 'phone. I felt that I could not bear to listen to +those deep, velvety tones of hers. + +But when I reached the drug store and entered the telephone booth, it +was her voice which answered my call of Dicky's number. + +"Yes, this is Mr. Graham's studio," she said smoothly. "No, Mr. Graham +is not here, he has not been here since 11 o'clock. Pardon me, is this +not Mrs. Graham to whom I am speaking?" + +"I am Mrs. Graham, yes," I replied, trying to put a little cordiality +into my voice. "You are Miss Draper, are you not?" + +"Yes," she replied. "Mr. Graham wished me to give you a message. He +was called away to a conference with one of the art editors about 11 +o'clock. He expected to lunch with him and said he might not be in the +studio until quite late this afternoon." + +"Have you any idea where he is lunching or where I could reach him?" I +asked sharply. + +"Why! no, Mrs. Graham, I have not. Is there anything wrong?" + +"His mother has been taken ill and I am very much worried about her. +If Mr. Graham comes in or telephones will you ask him to come home at +once, 'phoning me first if he will." + +"Of course I will attend to it. Is there anything else I can do?" + +"Nothing, thank you, you are very kind," I returned, and there was +genuine warmth in my voice this time. + +For the discovery that I had been mistaken in my idea of Dicky's +luncheon engagement made me so ashamed of myself that I had no more +rancor against my husband's beautiful protégé. + +I laughed bitterly at my own silliness as I turned from the telephone. +While I had been tormenting myself for hours at the picture I had +drawn of Dicky and his beautiful model lunching vis-a-vis, Dicky had +been keeping a prosaic business engagement with a man, and his model +had probably lunched frugally and unromantically on a sandwich or two +brought from home. + + + + +XVIII + +"CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + +"Will you kindly tell me who is the best physician here?" + +"Why--I--pardon me--" the drug store clerk stammered. "Wait a moment +and I'll inquire. I'm new here." + +"The boss says this chap's the best around here." He held out a +penciled card to me. "Dr. Pettit. Madison Square 4258." + +"Dr. Pettit!" I repeated to myself. "Why! that must be the physician +who came to the apartment the night of my chafing dish party, when the +baby across the hall was brought to us in a convulsion." + +A sudden swift remembrance came to me of the tact and firmness with +which the tall young physician had handled the difficult situation he +had found in our apartment. He was just the man, I decided, to handle +my refractory mother-in-law. So I called him up and he promised to +call as soon as his office hours were over. + +My feet traveled no faster than my thoughts as I hurried back to +my own apartment and the bedside of my mother-in-law. I dreaded +inexpressibly the conflict I foresaw when the autocratic old woman +should find out that I had sent for a physician against her wishes. + +As I entered the living room Katie rose from her seat at the door of +my mother-in-law's room. + +"She not move while you gone," she said. "She sleep all time, but I +'fraid she awful seeck, she breathe so hard." + +I went lightly into the bedroom and stood looking down upon the +austere old face against the pillow. It was a flushed old face now, +and the eyelids twitched as if there were pain somewhere in the body. +Her breathing, too, was more rapid and heavy than when I had left her, +or so I fancied. + +My inability to do anything for her depressed me. By slipping my hand +under the blankets I had ascertained that the hot water bags were +sufficiently warm. There was nothing more for me to do but to sit +quietly and watch her until the physician's arrival. + +I wanted to bring Dr. Pettit to her bedside before she should +awaken. Then I would let him deal with her obstinate refusal to see a +physician. But how I wished that Dicky would come home. + +As if I had rubbed Aladdin's lamp, I heard the hall door slam, and my +husband came rushing into the room. + +"What is the matter with mother?" Dicky demanded, his face and voice +filled with anxiety. + +I sprang to him and put my hand to his lips, for he had almost shouted +the words. + +"Hush! She is asleep," I whispered. "Don't waken her if you can help +it." + +"Why isn't there a doctor here?" he demanded fiercely. + +"Dr. Pettit will be here in a very few moments," I whispered rapidly. +"Your mother said she would not have a physician, but she appeared +so ill I did not dare to wait until your return to the studio. I +telephoned you, and when Miss Draper said she did not know where to +get you, I 'phoned to Dr. Pettit on my own authority." + +"You don't think mother is in any danger, do you, Madge?" + +"Why, I don't think I am a good judge of illness," I answered, +evasively, unwilling to hurt Dicky by the fear in my heart. "The +physician ought to be here any minute now, and then we will know." + +A sharp, imperative ring of the bell and Katie's entrance punctuated +my words. Dicky started toward the door as Katie opened it to admit +the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. + +"Ah, Dr. Pettit I believe we have met before," Dicky said easily. +"When Mrs. Graham spoke of you I did not remember that we had seen you +so recently. I am glad that we were able to get you." + +"Thank you," the physician returned gravely. "Where is the patient?" + +"In this room." Dicky turned toward the bedroom door, and Dr. Pettit +at once walked toward it. I mentally contrasted the two men as I +followed them to my mother-in-law's room. There was a charming ease +of manner about Dicky which the other man did not possess. He was, +in fact, almost awkward in his movements, and decidedly stiff in his +manner. But there was an appearance of latent strength in every +line of his figure, a suggestion of power and ability to cope with +emergencies. I had noticed it when he took charge of the baby in +convulsions who had been brought to my apartment by its nurse. I +marked it again as Dicky paused at the door of his mother's room. + +"I don't know how you will manage, doctor." He smiled deprecatingly. +"My mother positively refuses to see a physician, but we know she +needs one." + +"You are her nearest relative?" Dr. Pettit queried gravely, almost +formally. His question had almost the air of securing a legal right +for his entrance into the room. + +"Oh, yes." + +"Very well," and he stepped lightly to the side of the bed and stood +looking down upon the sick woman. + +He took out his watch, and I knew he was counting her respirations. +Then, with the same impersonal air, he turned to Dicky. + +"It will be necessary to rouse her. Will you awaken her, please? Do +not tell her I am here. Simply waken her." + +Dicky bent over his mother and took her hand. + +"Mother, what was it you wished me to get for you?" + +The elder Mrs. Graham opened her eyes languidly. + +"I told you quinine," she said impatiently. As she spoke, Dr. Pettit +reached past Dicky. His hand held a thermometer. + +"Put this in your mouth, please." His air was as casual as if he had +made daily visits to her for a fortnight. + +But the elder Mrs. Graham was not to be so easily routed. She scowled +up at him and half rose from her pillow. + +"I do not wish a physician. I forbade having one called. I am not ill +enough for a physician." + +Dr. Pettit put out his left hand and gently put her back again upon +her pillow. It was done so deftly that I do not think she realized +what he had done until she was again lying down. + +"You must not excite yourself," he said, still in the same grave, +impersonal tone, "and you are more ill than you think. It is +absolutely necessary that I get your temperature and examine your +lungs at once." + +As if the words had been a talisman of some sort, her opposition +dropped from her. Into her face came a frightened look. + +"Oh, doctor, you don't think I am going to have pneumonia, do you?" + +I was amazed at the cry. It was like that of a terrified child. Dr. +Pettit smiled down at her. + +"We hope not. We shall do our best to keep it away. But you must help +me. Put this in your mouth, please." + +My mother-in-law obeyed him docilely. But my heart sank as I watched +the physician's face. + +Suddenly she cried out, "Richard! Richard, if I am in danger of +pneumonia, as this doctor thinks, I want a trained nurse here at once, +one who has had experience in pneumonia cases. Margaret means +well, but threatened pneumonia with my heart needs more than good +intentions." + +"Of course, mother," Dicky acquiesced. "I was just about to suggest +one to Dr. Pettit." + +"But, doctor," Dicky said anxiously when we followed him into the +living room, "where are we to find a nurse?" + +"Fortunately," Dr. Pettit rejoined, "I have just learned that +absolutely the best nurse I know is free. Her name is Miss Katherine +Sonnot, and her skill and common sense are only equalled by her +exquisite tact. She is just the person to handle the case, and if you +will give me the use of your 'phone I think I can have her here within +an hour." + +"Of course," assented Dicky, and led the way to the telephone. + +I did not hear what the physician said at first, but as he closed the +conversation a note in his voice arrested my attention. + +"You are sure you are not too tired? Very well. I will see you here +tonight. Good-by." + +Woman-like, I thought I detected a romance. The tenderness in his +voice could mean but one thing, that he admired, perhaps loved the +woman he had praised so extravagantly. + +After he went away, promising to return in the evening, I busied +myself with the services to my mother-in-law he had asked me to +perform, and then sat down to wait for Miss Sonnot. Dicky wandered +in and out like a restless ghost until I wanted to shriek from very +nervousness. + +But the first glimpse of the slender girl who came quietly into the +room and announced herself as Miss Sonnot steadied me. She was a "slip +of a thing," as my mother would have dubbed her, with great, wistful +brown eyes that illumined her delicate face. But there was an air of +efficiency about her every movement that made you confident she would +succeed in anything she undertook. + +I have always been such a difficult, reserved sort of woman that I +have very few friends. I did not understand the impulse that made me +resolve to win this girl's friendship if I could. + +One thing I knew. The grave, sweet face, the steady eyes told me. One +could lay a loved one's life in those slim, capable hands and rest +assured that as far as human aid could go it would be safe. + +"Keep her quiet. Above all things, do not let her get excited over +anything." + +Miss Sonnot was giving me my parting instructions as to the care of my +sick mother-in-law before taking the sleep which she so sorely needed, +on the day that Dr. Pettit declared my mother-in-law had passed the +danger point. Thanks to her ministrations I had been able to sleep +dreamlessly for hours. Now refreshed and ready for anything, I had +prepared my room for her, and had accompanied her to it that I might +see her really resting. + +She was so tired that her eyes closed even as she gave me the +admonition. I drew the covers closer about her, raised the window a +trifle, drew down the shades, and left her. + +As I closed the door softly behind me, I heard the querulous voice of +the invalid: + +"Margaret! Margaret! Where are you?" + +As I bent over my husband's mother she smiled up at me. Her +illness had done more to bridge the chasm, between us than years of +companionship could have done. One cannot cherish bitterness toward +an old woman helplessly ill and dependent upon one. And I think in +her own peculiar way she realized that I was giving her all I had of +strength and good will. + +"What can I do for you?" I asked, returning her smile. + +"I want something to eat, and after that I want to have a talk with +Richard. Where is he?" + +"He is asleep," I answered mechanically. In a moment my thoughts had +flown back to the day my mother-in-law and I had met Harry Underwood +in trip Aquarium, and she had discovered he was Lillian Gale's +husband. + +What was it Dicky's mother had said that day in the Aquarium rest +room? + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she had declared, "a very painful +duty, which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I +beg that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. +It is better far that you do not." + +She had wished to go home at once and talk to Dicky. I had persuaded +her to go first to Fraunces's Tavern for luncheon. There she had been +taken ill, and in the days that had intervened between that time and +the moment I leaned over her bedside she and we around her had +been fighting for her life. There had been no opportunity for a +confidential talk between mother and son. And I was determined that +there should be none yet. + +In the first place, she was in no condition to discuss any subject, +let alone one fraught with so many possibilities of excitement. In +the second place, I was determined that no one should discuss that old +secret with my husband before I had a chance to talk to him concerning +it. + +"Well, you needn't go to sleep just because Richard is." + +My mother-in-law's impatient voice brought me back to myself. I +apologized eagerly. + +I have never seen any one enjoy food as my mother-in-law did the +simple meal I had prepared for her. She ate every crumb, drank the +wine, and drained the pot of tea before she spoke. + +"How good that tasted!" she said gratefully as she finished, sinking +back against my shoulder. I had not only propped her up with pillows, +but had sat behind her as she ate, that she might have the support of +my body. + +"I think I can take a long nap now," she went on. "When I awake send +Richard to me." + +I laid her down gently, arranged her pillows, and drew up the covers +over her shoulders. She caught my hand and pressed it. + +"My own daughter could not have been kinder to me than you have been," +she said. + +"I am glad to have pleased you, Mrs. Graham," I returned. I suppose +my reply sounded stiff, but I could not forget the day she came to us, +and her contemptuous rejection of Dicky's proposal that I should call +her "Mother." + +She frowned slightly. "Forget what I said that day I came," she said +quickly. "Call me Mother, that is, if you can." + +For a moment I hesitated. The memory of her prejudice against me would +not down. Then I had an illuminative look into the narrowness of my +own soul. The sight did not please me. With a sudden resolve I bent +down and kissed the cheek of my husband's mother. + +"Of course, Mother," I said quietly. + +It must have been two hours at least that I sat watching the sick +woman. She left her hand in mine a long time, then, with a drowsy +smile, she drew it away, turned over with her face to the wall, and +fell into a restful sleep. I listened to her soft, regular breathing +until the sunlight faded and the room darkened. + +I must have dozed in my chair, for I did not hear Katie come in or +go to the kitchen. The first thing that aroused me was a voice that I +knew, the high-pitched tones of Lillian Gale Underwood. + +"I tell you, Dicky-bird, it won't do. She's got to know the truth." + +As Mrs. Underwood's shrill voice struck my ears, I sprang to my feet +in dismay. + +My first thought was of the sick woman over whom I was watching. Both +Dr. Pettit and the nurse, Miss Sonnot, had warned us that excitement +might be fatal to their patient. + +And the one thing in the world that might be counted on to excite my +mother-in-law was the presence of the woman whose voice I heard in +conversation with my husband. + +I rose noiselessly from my chair and went into the living room, +closing the door after me. Then with my finger lifted warningly for +silence I forced a smile of greeting to my lips as Lillian Underwood +saw me and came swiftly toward me. + +"Dicky's mother is asleep," I said in a low tone. "I am afraid I must +ask you to come into the kitchen, for she awakens so easily." + +Lillian nodded comprehendingly, but Dicky flushed guiltily as they +followed me into the kitchen. Katie had left a few minutes before to +run an errand for me. + +Dicky's voice interrupted the words Lillian was about to speak to me. +I hardly recognized it, hoarse, choked with feeling as it was. + +"Lillian," he said, "you shall not do this. There is no need for you +to bring all those old, horrible memories back. You have buried them +and have had a little peace. If Madge is the woman I take her for she +will be generous enough not to ask it, especially when I give her my +word of honor that there is nothing in my past or yours which could +concern her." + +"You have the usual masculine idea of what might concern a woman," +Lillian retorted tartly. + +But I answered the appeal I had heard in my husband's voice even more +than in his words. + +"You do not need to tell me anything, Mrs. Underwood," I said gently, +and at the words Dicky moved toward me quickly and put his arm around +me. + +I flinched at his touch. I could not help it. It was one thing to +summon courage to refuse the confidence for which every tortured nerve +was calling--it was another to bear the affectionate touch of the man +whose whole being I had just heard cry out in attempt to protect this +other woman. + +Dicky did not notice any shrinking, but Mrs. Underwood saw it. I +think sometimes nothing ever escapes her eyes. She came closer to me, +gravely, steadily. + +"You are very brave, Mrs. Graham, very kind, but it won't do. Dicky, +keep quiet." She turned to him authoritatively as he started to speak. +"You know how much use there is of trying to stop me when I make up my +mind to anything." + +She put one hand upon my shoulder. + +"Dear child," she said earnestly, "will you trust me till tomorrow? +I had thought that I must tell you right away, but your splendid +generous attitude makes it possible for me to ask you this. I can see +there is no place here where we can talk undisturbed. Besides, I must +take no chance of your mother-in-law's finding out that I am here. +Will you come to my apartment tomorrow morning any time after 10? +Harry will be gone by then, and we can have the place to ourselves." + +"I will be there at 10," I said gravely. I felt that her honesty and +directness called for an explicit answer, and I gave it to her. + +"Thank you." She smiled a little sadly, and then added: "Don't imagine +all sorts of impossible things. It isn't a very pretty story, but I am +beginning to hope that after you have heard it we may become very real +friends." + +Preposterous as her words seemed in the light of the things I had +heard from the lips of my husband's mother, they gave me a sudden +feeling of comfort. + + + + +XIX + +LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + +"Well, I suppose we might as well get it over with." + +Lillian Underwood and I sat in the big tapestried chairs on either +side of the glowing fire in her library. She had instructed Betty, +her maid, to bring her neither caller nor telephone message, until our +conference should be ended. The two doors leading from the room +were locked and the heavy velvet curtains drawn over them, making us +absolutely secure from intrusion. + +"I suppose so." The answer was banal enough, but it was physically +impossible for me to say anything more. My throat was parched, my +tongue thick, and I clenched my hands tightly in my lap to prevent +their trembling. + +Mrs. Underwood gave me a searching glance, then reached over and laid +her warm, firm hand over mine. + +"See here, my child," she said gently, "this will never do. Before I +tell you this story there is something you must be sure of. Look at +me. No matter what else you may think of me do you believe me to be +capable of telling you a falsehood when a make a statement to you upon +my honor?" + +Her eyes met mine fairly and squarely. Mrs. Underwood has wonderful +eyes, blue-gray, expressive. They shone out from the atrocious mask of +make-up which she always uses, and I unreservedly accepted the message +they carried to me. + +"I am sure you would not deceive me," I returned quickly, and meant +it. + +"Thank you. Then before I begin my story I am going to assure you of +one thing, upon--my--honor." + +She spoke slowly, impressively, her eyes never wavering from mine. + +"You have heard rumors about Dicky and me; you will hear things from +me today which will show you that the rumors were justified in part, +and yet--I want you to believe me when I tell you that there is +nothing in any past association of your husband and myself which would +make either of us ashamed to look you straight in the eyes." + +I believed her! I would challenge anyone in the world to look into +those clear, honest eyes and doubt their owner's truth. + +There was a long minute when I could not speak. I had not known the +full measure of what I feared until her words lifted the burden from +my soul. + +Then I had my moment, recognized it, rose to it. I leaned forward and +returned the earnest gaze of the woman opposite to me. + +"Dear Mrs. Underwood," I said. "Why tell me any more? I am perfectly +satisfied with what you have just told me. Be sure that no rumors will +trouble me again." + +Her clasp of my hand tightened until my rings hurt my flesh. Into her +face came a look of triumph. + +"I knew it," she said jubilantly. "I could have banked on you. You're +a big woman, my dear, and I believe we are going to be real friends." + +She loosened her clasp of my hands, leaned back in her chair and +looked for a long, meditative moment at the fire. + +"You cannot imagine how much easier your attitude makes the telling of +my story," she began finally. + +"But I just assured you that there was no need for the telling," I +interrupted. + +"I know. But it is your right to know, and it will be far better if +you are put in possession of the facts. It is an ugly story. I think I +had better tell you the worst of it first." + +I marvelled at the look that swept across her face. Bitter pain and +humiliation were written there so plainly that I looked away. Then +my eyes fell upon her strong, white, shapely hands which were resting +upon the arms of the chair. They were strained, bloodless, where the +fingers gripped the tapestried surface. + +When she spoke, her voice was low, hurried, abashed. "Seven years +ago," she said, "my first husband sued me for divorce, and named Dicky +as a co-respondent." + +I sprang from my seat. + +"Oh, no, no, no," I cried, hardly knowing what I said. "Surely not. I +remember reading the old story when you were married to Mr. Underwood, +three years ago--I've always admired your work so much that I've read +every line about you--and surely Dicky's name wasn't mentioned. I +would have remembered it when I met him, I know." + +"There, there." She was on her feet beside me and with a gentle yet +compelling hand put me back in my chair. Her voice had the same tone +a mother would use to a grieving child. "Dicky's name wasn't mentioned +when the story was printed the last time, because at the time the +divorce was granted, Mr. Morten withdrew the accusation that he had +made against him." + +"Why?" The question left my lips almost without volition. I sensed +something tragic, full of meaning for me behind the statement she had +made. + +She did not answer me for a minute or two. + +"I can only answer that question on your word of honor not to tell +Dicky what I am going to tell you," she said. "It is something he +suspects, but which I would never confirm." + +She paused expectantly. "Upon honor, of course," I answered simply. + +She rose and moved swiftly toward one of the built-in bookcases. I saw +that she put her hand upon one of the sections and pulled upon it. To +my astonishment it moved toward her, and I saw that behind it was a +cleverly constructed wall safe. She turned the combination, opened the +door and took from the safe an inlaid box which, as she came toward +me, I saw was made of rare old woods. + +She sat down again in the big chair and looked at the box musingly, +tenderly. I leaned forward expectantly. Again I had the sense of +tragedy near me. + +Drawing the key from her dress she opened the box and took from it a +miniature, gazed at it a minute, and then handed it to me. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood," I exclaimed. "How exquisite." + +The miniature was of the most beautiful child I had ever seen, a tiny +girl of perhaps two years. She stood poised as if running to meet one, +her baby arms outstretched. It was a picture to delight or break a +mother's heart. + +I looked up from the miniature to the face of the woman who had handed +it to me. + +"Yes," she answered my unspoken query, "my little daughter; my only +child. She is the price I paid for Dicky's immunity from the scandal +which the unjust man that I called husband brought upon me." + +My first impulse was one of horror-stricken sympathy for her. Then +came the reaction. A flaming jealousy enveloped me from head to foot. + +"How she must have loved Dicky to do this for him!" The thought beat +upon my brain like a sledge hammer. + +"Don't think that, my dear, for it isn't true." I had not spoken, but +with her almost uncanny ability to divine the thoughts of other people +she had fathomed mine. "I was always fond of Dicky, but I never was in +love with him." + +"Then why did you make such a sacrifice?" I stammered. + +"Why! There was absolutely no other way," she said, opening her +wonderful eyes wide in amazement that I had not at once grasped her +point of view. "Dicky was absolutely innocent of any wrongdoing, but +through a combination of circumstances of which I shall tell you, my +husband had gathered a show of evidence which would have won him the +divorce if it had been presented." + +"He bargained with me: I to give up all claim to the baby. He to +withdraw Dicky's name, and all other charges except that of desertion. +Thus Dicky was saved a scandal which would have followed and hampered +him all his life, and I was spared the fastening of a shameful verdict +upon me. Of course, everybody who read about the case and did not know +me, believed me guilty anyway, but my friends stood by me gallantly, +and that part of it is all right. But every time I look at that baby +face I am tempted to wish that I had let honor, the righting of Dicky, +everything go by the boards, and had taken my chance of having her, +even if it were only part of the time." + +Her voice was rough, uneven as she finished speaking, but that was the +only evidence of the emotion which I knew must have her stretched upon +the rack. + +Right there I capitulated to Lillian Underwood. Always, through my +dislike and distrust of her, there had struggled an admiration which +would not down, even when I thought I had most cause to fear her. + +But this revelation of the real bigness of the woman caught my +allegiance and fixed it. She had sacrificed the thing which was most +precious to her to keep her ideal of honor unsullied. I felt that I +could never have made a similar sacrifice, but I mentally saluted her +for her power to do it. + +I realized, too, the reason for Dicky's deference to Mrs. Underwood, +which had often puzzled and sometimes angered me. Once when she had +given him a raking over for the temper he displayed toward me in her +presence, he had said: + +"You know I couldn't get angry at you, no matter what you said; I owe +you too much." + +I had wondered at the time what it was that my husband "owed" Mrs. +Underwood. The riddle was solved for me at last. + +I am not an impetuous woman, and I do not know how I ever mustered +up courage to do it. But the sight of Lillian Underwood's face as +she looked at her baby's picture was too much for me. Without any +conscious volition on my part I found my arms around her, and her face +pressed against my shoulder. + +I expected a storm of grief, for I knew the woman had been holding +herself in with an iron hand. But only a few convulsive movements of +her shoulders betrayed her emotion and when she raised her face to +mine her eyes were less tear-bedewed than my own. + +Something stirred me to quick questioning. + +"Oh, is there a chance of your having her again?" + +"I am always hoping for it," she answered quietly. "When her father +married again, several years ago--that was before my marriage to +Harry--I hoped against hope that he would give her to me. For he +knew--the hound--knew better than anybody else that all his vile +charges were false." + +Her eyes blazed, her voice was strident, her hands clasped and +unclasped. Then, as if a string had been loosened, she sank back in +her chair again. + +"But he would not give her to me," she went on dully, "and he could +not even if he would. For his mother, who has the child, is old and +devoted to her. It would kill her to take Marion away from her." + +"You saw my pink room?" she demanded abruptly. + +I nodded. The memory of that rose-colored nest and the look in my +hostess's eyes when on my other visit she had said she had prepared +the room for a young girl was yet vivid. + +"I spent weeks preparing it for her when I heard of her father's +remarriage," she said, "When I finally realized that I could not have +her, I lay ill for weeks in it. On my recovery I vowed that no one +else but she or I should ever sleep there. I have another bedroom +where I sleep most of the time. But sometimes I go in there and spend +the night, and pretend that I have her little body snuggled up close +to me just as it used to be." + +The crackling of the logs in the grate was the only sound to be heard +for many minutes. + +With her elbow resting on the arm of her chair, her chin cupped in her +hand, her whole body leaning toward the warmth of the fire, she sat +gazing into the leaping flames as if she were trying to read in them +the riddle of the future. + +I patiently waited on her mood. That she would open her heart to me +further I knew, but I did not wish to disturb her with either word or +movement. + +"I might as well begin at the beginning." There was a note in her +voice that all at once made me see the long years of suffering which +had been hers. "Only the beginning is so commonplace that it lacks +interest. It is the record of a very mediocre stenographer with +aspirations." + +That she was speaking of herself her tone told me, but I was genuinely +surprised. Mrs. Underwood was the last woman in the world one would +picture as holding down a stenographer's position. + +"I can't remember when I didn't have in the back of my brain the idea +of learning to draw," she went on, "but it took years and years of +uphill work and saving to get a chance. I was an orphan, with nobody +to care whether I lived or died, and nothing but my own efforts to +depend on. But I stuck to it, working in the daytime and studying +evenings and holidays till at last I began to get a foothold, and then +when I had enough to put by to risk it I went to Paris." + +Her voice was as matter of fact as if she were describing a visit to +the family butcher shop. But I visualized the busy, plucky years with +their reward of Paris as if I had been a spectator of them. + +"Of course, by the time I got there I was almost old enough to be the +mother, or, at least, the elder sister of most of the boys and girls +I met, and I had learned life and experience in a good, hard school. +Some of the youngsters got the habit of coming to me with all their +troubles, fancied or real. I made some stanch friends in those days, +but never a stancher, truer one than Dicky Graham. + +"Tell me, dear girl, when you were teaching those history classes, did +any of your boy pupils fall in love with you?" + +I answered her with an embarrassed little laugh. Her question called +up memories of shy glances, gifts of flowers and fruit, boyish +confidences--all the things which fall to the lot of any teacher of +boys. + +"Well, then, you will understand me when I tell you that in the studio +days in Paris Dicky imagined himself quite in love with me." + +There was something in her tone and manner which took all the sting +out of her words for me. All the jealousy and real concern which I had +spent on this old attachment of my husband for Mrs. Underwood vanished +as I listened to her. She might have been Dicky's mother, speaking of +his early and injudicious fondness for green apples. + +"I shall always be proud of the way I managed Dicky that time." Her +voice still held the amused maternal note. "It's so easy for an older +woman to spoil a boy's life in a case like that if she's despicable +enough to do it. But, you see, I was genuinely fond of Dicky, and +yet not the least bit in love with him, and I was able, without his +guessing it, to keep the management of the affair in my own hands. +So when he woke up, as boys always do, to the absurdity of the idea, +there was nothing in his recollections of me to spoil our friendship. + +"Then there came the early days of my struggle to get a foothold in +New York in my line. There were thousands of others like me. Six or +seven of the strugglers had been my friends in Paris. We formed a sort +of circle, "for offence and defence," Dicky called it; settled down +near each other, and for months we worked and played and starved +together. When one of us sold anything we all feasted while it lasted. +I tell you, my dear, those were strenuous times but they had a zest of +their own." + +I saw more of the picture she was revealing than she thought I did. +I could guess that the one who most often sold anything was the woman +who was so calmly telling me the story of those early hardships. I +knew that the dominant member of that little group of stragglers, the +one who heartened them all, the one who would unhesitatingly go hungry +herself if she thought a comrade needed it, was Lillian Underwood. + +"And then I spoiled my life. I married." + +"Don't misunderstand me," she hastened to say. "I do not mean that I +believe all marriages are failures. I believe tremendously in +married happiness, but I think I must be one of the women who are +temperamentally unfitted to make any man happy." + +Her tone was bitter, self-accusing. + +"You cannot make me believe that," I said stoutly. "I would rather +believe that you were very unwise in your choice of husbands." + +She laughed ironically. + +"Well, we will let it go at that! At any rate there is only one word +that describes my first marriage. It was hell from start to finish." + +The look on her face told me she was not exaggerating. It was a look, +only graven by intense suffering. + +"When the baby came my feeling for Will changed. He had worn me out. +The love I had given him I lavished upon the child. Will's mother came +to live with us--she had been drifting around miserably before--and +while she failed me at the time of the divorce, yet she was a tower of +strength to me during the baby's infancy. I was very fond of her and +I think she sincerely liked me. But Will, her only son, could always +make her believe black was white, as I later found out to my sorrow. + +"With the vanishing of the hectic love I had felt for Will, things +went more smoothly with me. I worked like a slave to keep up the +expenses of the home and to lay by something for the baby's future. My +husband was away so much that the boys and girls gradually came back +to something like their old term of intimacy. I never gave the matter +of propriety a thought. My mother-in-law, a baby and a maid, were +certainly chaperons enough. + +"Afterward I found out that my husband, equipped with his legal +knowledge, had set all manner of traps for me, had bribed my maid, and +diabolically managed to twist the most innocent visits of the boys of +the old crowd to our home to his own evil meanings. + +"Then came the crash. Dicky came in one Sunday afternoon and I saw at +once that he was really ill. You know his carelessness. He had let a +cold go until he was as near pneumonia as he could well be. A sleet +storm was raging outside, and when Dicky, after shivering before the +fire, started to go back to his studio, Will's mother, who liked Dicky +immensely, joined with me in insisting that he must not go out at all, +but to bed. Dicky was really too ill to care what we did with him, +so we got him into bed, and I took care of him for two or three days +until he was well enough to leave. + +"Of course, the greater part of his care fell on me, for Will's mother +was old and not strong. I am not going to tell you the accusations +which my unspeakable husband made against me, or the affidavits which +the maid was bribed to sign about Dicky and me. You can guess. Worst +of all, Will's mother turned against me, not because of anything she +had observed, but simply because her son told her I was guilty. + +"'I never would have thought it of you, Lillian,' she said to me with +the tears streaming down her wrinkled, old face. 'I never saw anything +out of the way, but of course Will wouldn't lie. And I loved you so.' + +"Poor old woman. Those last few words of affection made it easier for +me to give the baby up to her when the time came. She idolizes Marion. +She gives her the best of care, and I do not think she will teach her +to hate me as Will would. + +"But there has never been a moment since I kissed Marion and gave her +into the arms of her grandmother that I have not known exactly how +she was treated," she said. "I have made it my business to know, and I +have paid liberally for the knowledge. You see, about the time of the +divorce Mr. Morten had a legacy left him, so that life has been easy +for him financially. His mother had always kept a maid. Every servant +she has had has been in my employ. There has scarcely been a day since +I lost my baby that from some unobserved place I have not seen her +in her walks. I know every line of her face, every curve of her body, +every trick of movement and expression. I shall know how to win her +love when the time comes, never fear." + +Her voice was dauntless, but her face mirrored the anguish that must +be her daily companion. + +One thing about her recital jarred upon me. This paying of servants, +this furtive espionage was not in keeping with the high resolve that +had led the mother to "keep her word" to the man who had ruined her +life. And yet--and yet--I dared not judge her. In her place I could +not imagine what I would have done. + +One thing I knew. Never again would I doubt Lillian Underwood. The +ghost of the past romance between my husband and the woman before +me was laid for all time, never to trouble me again. Remembering +the sacrifice she had made for Dicky, considering the gallant fight +against circumstances she had waged since her girlhood, I felt +suddenly unworthy of the friendship she had so warmly offered me. + +I turned to her, trying to find words, which should fittingly express +my sentiments, but she forestalled me with a kaleidoscopic change of +manner that bewildered me. + +"Enough of horrors," she said, springing up and giving a little +expressive shake of her shoulders as if she were throwing a weight +from them. "I'm going to give you some luncheon." + +"Oh, please!" I put up a protesting hand, but she was across the room +and pressing a bell before I could stop her. + +I thought I understood. The grave of her past life was closed again. +She had opened it because she wished me to know the truth concerning +the old garbled stories about herself and Dicky. Having told me +everything, she had pushed the grisly thing back into its sepulchre +again and had sealed it. She would not refer to it again. + +One thing puzzled me, something to which she had not referred--why had +she married Harry Underwood? Why, after the terrible experience of +her first marriage, had she risked linking her life with an unstable +creature like the man who was now her husband? + +I put all questionings aside, however, and tried to meet her brave, +gay mood. + + + + +XX + +LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + +My mother-in-law's convalescence was as rapid as the progress of +her sudden illness had been. By the day that I gave my first history +lecture before the Lotus Study Club she was well enough to dismiss Dr. +Pettit with, one of her sudden imperious speeches, and to make plans +that evening for the welcoming and entertaining of her daughter +Harriet and her famous son-in-law Dr. Edwin Braithwaite, who were +expected next day on their way to Europe, where Doctor was to take +charge of a French hospital at the front. + +That night I could not sleep. The exciting combination of happenings +effectually robbed me of rest. I tried every device I could think of +to go to sleep, but could not lose myself in even a doze. Finally, in +despair, I rose cautiously, not to awaken Dicky, and slipping on my +bathrobe and fur-trimmed mules, made my way into the dining-room. + +Turning on the light, I looked around for something to read until I +should get sleepy. + +"What is the matter, Mrs. Graham? Are you ill?" + +Miss Sonnet's soft, voice sounded just behind me. As I turned I +thought again, as I had many times before, how very attractive the +little nurse was. She had on a dark blue negligee of rough cloth, made +very simply, but which covered her night attire completely, while +her feet, almost as small as a child's, were covered with fur-trimmed +slippers of the same color as the negligee. Her abundant hair was +braided in two plaits and hung down to her waist. + +"You look like a sleepy little girl," I said impulsively. + +"And you like a particularly wakeful one," she returned, +mischievously. "I am glad you are not ill. I feared you were when I +heard you snap on the light." + +"No, you did not waken me. In fact, I have been awake nearly an hour. +I was just about to come out and rob the larder of a cracker and a sip +of milk in the hope that I might go to sleep again when I heard you." + +"Splendid!" I ejaculated, while Miss Sonnot looked at me wonderingly. +"Can your patient hear us out here?" + +"If you could hear her snore you would be sure she could not," Miss +Sonnot smiled. "And I partly closed her door when I left. She is safe +for hours." + +"Then we will have a party," I declared triumphantly, "a regular +boarding school party." + +"Then on to the kitchen!" She raised one of her long braids of hair +and waved it like a banner. We giggled like fifteen-year-old school +girls as we tiptoed our way into the kitchen, turned on the light and +searched refrigerator, pantry, bread and cake boxes for food. + +"Now for our plunder," I said, as we rapidly inventoried the eatables +we had found. Bread, butter, a can of sardines, eggs, sliced bacon and +a dish of stewed tomatoes. + +"I wish we had some oysters or cheese; then we could stir up something +in the chafing dish," I said mournfully. + +"Do you know, I believe I have a chafing dish recipe we can use in a +scrap book which I always carry with me," responded Miss Sonnot. "It +is in my suit case at the foot of my couch. I'll be back in a minute." + +She noiselessly slipped into the living room and returned almost +instantly with a substantially bound book in her hands. She sat down +beside me at the table and opened the book. + +"I couldn't live without this book," she said extravagantly. "In it I +have all sorts of treasured clippings and jottings. The things I need +most I have pasted in. The chafing dish recipes are in an envelope. I +just happened to have them along." + +She was turning the pages as she spoke. On one page, which she passed +by more hurriedly than the others, were a number of Kodak pictures. I +caught a flash of one which made my heart beat more quickly. Surely I +had a print from the same negative in my trunk. + +The tiny picture was a photograph of Jack Bickett or I was very much +mistaken. + +What was it doing in the scrap book of Miss Sonnot? + +I put an unsteady hand out to prevent her turning the page. + +It was Jack Bickett's photograph. I schooled my voice to a sort of +careless surprise: + +"Why! Isn't this Jack Bickett?" + +She started perceptibly. "Yes. Do you know him?" + +"He is the nearest relative I have," I returned quickly, "a distant +cousin, but brought up as my brother." + +Her face flushed. Her eyes shone with interest. + +"Oh! then you must be his Margaret?" she cried. + +As the words left Miss Sonnot's lips she gazed at me with a +half-frightened little air as if she regretted their utterance. + +"I beg your pardon, Mrs. Graham," she said contritely; "you must think +I have taken leave of my senses. But I have heard so much about you." + +"From Mr. Bickett?" My head was whirling. I had never heard Jack speak +the name of "Sonnot." Indeed, I would never have known he had met her, +save for the accidental opening of her scrap book to his picture when +she and I were searching for chafing dish recipes. + +"Oh! No, indeed. I have never seen Mr. Bickett myself." + +A rosy embarrassed flush stole over her face as she spoke. Her eyes +were starry. Through my bewilderment came a thought which I voiced. + +"That is his loss then. He would think so if he could see you now." + +She laughed confusedly while the rosy tint of her cheeks deepened. + +"I must explain to you," she said simply. "I have never seen +Mr. Bickett, but my brother is one of his friends. They used to +correspond, and I enjoyed his letters as much as Mark did. I think his +is a wonderful personality, don't you?" + +"Naturally," I returned, a trifle dryly. The little nurse was +revealing more than she dreamed. There was romantic admiration in +every note in her voice. I was not quite sure that I liked it. + +But I put all selfish considerations down with an iron hand and smiled +in most friendly fashion at her. + +"Isn't it wonderful that after hearing so much of each other we should +meet in this way?" I said heartily. "If only our brothers were here." + +Miss Sonnet's face brightened again. "Is Mr. Bickett in this country? +" she asked, her voice carefully nonchalant. "I have not heard +anything about him for two or three years." + +"He sailed for France a week ago," I answered slowly. "He intends to +join the French engineering corps." + +There was a long moment of silence. Then Miss Sonnot spoke slowly, and +there was a note almost of reverence in her voice. + +"That is just what he would do," and then, impetuously, "how I envy +him!" + +"Envy him?" I repeated incredulously. + +"Yes, indeed." Her voice was militant, her eyes shining, her face +aglow. "How I wish I were a man ever since this war started! I am just +waiting for a good chance to join a hospital unit, but I do not happen +to know any surgeon who has gone, and of course they all pick their +own nurses. But my chance will come. I am sure of it, and then I +am going to do my part. Why! my great-grandfather was an officer in +Napoleon's army. I feel ashamed not to be over there." + + * * * * * + +I saw very little of Dicky's sister and her husband during the week +they spent in New York before sailing for France. True, Harriet spent +some portion of every day with her mother, but she ate at our table +only once, always hurrying back to the hotel to oversee the menu of +her beloved Edwin. + +Reasoning that in a similar situation I should not care for the +presence of an outsider, I left the mother and daughter alone +together as much as I could without appearing rude. I think they both, +appreciated my action, although, with their customary reserve, they +said very little to me. + +Dr. Braithwaite came twice during the week to see us, each time +making a hurried call. Harriet appeared to wish to impress us with the +importance of these visits from so busy and distinguished a man. But +the noted surgeon himself was simple and unaffected in his manner. + +One thing troubled me. I had done nothing, said nothing to further +Miss Sonnot's desire to go to France as a nurse. She had left us the +day after Dicky's sister and brother-in-law arrived, left with the +admiration and good wishes of us all. The big surgeon himself, after +watching her attention to his mother-in-law upon the day of arrival, +made an approving comment. + +"Good nurse, that," he had said. I took the first opportunity to +repeat his words to the little nurse, who flushed with pleasure. I +knew that I ought to at least inquire of the big surgeon or his wife +about the number of nurses he was taking with him, but there seemed no +fitting opportunity, and--I did not make one. + +I did not try to explain to myself the curious disinclination I +felt to lift a hand toward the sending of Miss Sonnot to the French +hospitals. But every time I thought of the night she had told me of +her wish I felt guilty. + +Jack was already "somewhere in France." If Miss Sonnot entered the +hospital service, there was a possibility that they might meet. + +I sincerely liked and admired Miss Sonnot. My brother-cousin had been +the only man in my life until Dicky swept me off my feet with his +tempestuous wooing. My heart ought to have leaped at the prospect +of their meeting and its possible result. But I felt unaccountably +depressed at the idea, instead. + +The last day of the Braithwaites' stay Harriet came unusually early to +see her mother. + +"I can stay only a few minutes this morning, mother," she explained, +as she took off her heavy coat. "I know," in answer to the older +woman's startled protest. "It is awful this last day, too. I'll come +back toward night, but I must get back to Edwin this morning. He is +so annoyed. One of his nurses has fallen ill at the last moment and +cannot go. He has to secure another good one immediately, that he may +get her passport attended to in time for tomorrow's sailing. And he +will not have one unless he interviews her himself. I left him eating +his breakfast and getting ready to receive a flock of them sent him by +some physicians he knows. I must hurry back to help him through." + +Miss Sonnet's opportunity had come! I knew it, knew also that I must +speak to my sister-in-law at once about her. But she had finished +her flying little visit and was putting on her coat before I finally +forced myself to broach the subject. + +"Mrs. Braithwaite"--to my disgust I found my voice trembling--"I +think I ought to tell you that Miss Sonnot, the nurse your mother had, +wishes very much to enter the hospital service. She could go tomorrow, +I am sure. And I remember your husband spoke approvingly of her." + +My sister-in-law rushed past me to the telephone. + +"The very thing!" She threw the words over her shoulder as she took +down the receiver. "Thank you so much." Then, as she received her +connection, she spoke rapidly, enthusiastically. + +"Edwin, I have such good news for you. Dicky's wife thinks that little +Miss Sonnot who nursed mother could go tomorrow. She said while she +was here that she wanted to enter the hospital service. Yes. I thought +you'd want her. All right. I'll see to it right away and telephone +you. By the way, Edwin, if she can go, you won't need me this +forenoon, will you? That's good. I can stay with mother, then. Take +care of yourself, dear. Good-by." + +She hung up the receiver and turned to me. + +"Can you reach her by 'phone right away, and if she can go tell her to +go to the Clinton at once and ask for Dr. Braithwaite?" + +I paid a mental tribute to my sister-in-law's energy as I in my turn +took down the telephone receiver. I realized how much wear and tear +she must save her big husband. + +"Miss Sonnot!" I could not help being a bit dramatic in my news. "Can +you sail for France tomorrow? One of Dr. Braithwaite's nurses is ill, +and you may have her place, if you wish." + +There was a long minute of silence, and then the little nurse's voice +sounded in my ears. It was filled with awe and incredulity. + +"If I wish!" and then, after a pregnant pause, "Surely, I can go. +Where do I learn the details?" + +I gave her full directions and hung up the receiver with a sigh. + +She came to see me before she sailed, and after she had left me, I +went into my bedroom, locked the door, and let the tears come which I +had been forcing back. I did not know what was the matter with me. I +felt a little as I did once long before when a cherished doll of +my childhood had been broken beyond all possibility of mending. +Unreasonable as the feeling was, it was as if a curtain had dropped +between me and any part of my life that lay behind me. + + + + +XXI + +LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + +Life went at a jog-trot with me for a long time after the departure +for France of the Braithwaites and Miss Sonnot. + +My mother-in-law missed her daughter, Mrs. Braithwaite, sorely. I +believe if it had not been for her pride in her brilliant daughter +and her famous son-in-law she would have become actually ill with +fretting. I found my hands full in devising ways to divert her mind +and planning dishes to tempt her delicate appetite. + +Because of her frailty and consequent inability to do much +sightseeing, or, indeed, to go far from the house, Dicky and I spent a +very quiet winter. + +Our evenings away from home together did not average one a week. And +Dicky very rarely went anywhere without me. + +"What a Darby and Joan we are getting to be!" he remarked one night as +we sat one on each side of the library table, reading. His mother, as +was her custom, had gone to bed early in the evening. + +"Yes! Isn't it nice?" I returned, smiling at him. + +"Ripping!" Dicky agreed enthusiastically. Then, reflectively, +"Funniest thing about it is the way I cotton to this domestic stunt. +If anyone had told me before I met you that I should ever stand for +this husband-reading-to-knitting-wife sort of thing I should have +bought him a ticket to Matteawan, pronto." + +He stopped and frowned heavily at me, in mimic disapproval. + +"Picture all spoiled," he declared, sighing. "You are not knitting. +Why, oh, why are you not knitting?" + +"Because I never shall knit," I returned, laughing, "at least not in +the evening while you are reading. That sort of thing never did appeal +to me. Either the wife who has to knit or sew or darn in the evening +is too inefficient to get all her work done in daylight, or she has +too much work to do. In the first case, her husband ought to teach her +efficiency; in the second place, he ought to help do the sewing or the +darning. Then they could both read." + +"Listen to the feminist?" carolled Dicky; then with mock severity: +"Of course, I am to infer, madam, that my stockings are all properly +darned?" + +"Your inference is eminently correct," demurely. "Your mother darned +them today." + +What I had told him was true. His mother had seen me looking over the +stockings after they were washed, and had insisted on darning Dicky's. +I saw that she longed to do some little personal service for her boy, +and willingly handed them over. + +Dicky threw back his head and laughed heartily. Then his face sobered, +and he came round to my side of the table and sat down on the arm of +my chair. + +"Speaking of mother," he said, rumpling my hair caressingly, "I want +to tell you, sweetheart, that you've made an awful hit with me the way +you've taken care of her. Nobody knows better than I how trying she +can be, and you've been just as sweet and kind to her as if she were +the most tractable person on earth." + +He put his arms around me and bent his face to mine. + +"Pretty nice and comfy this being married to each other, isn't it?" + +"Very nice, indeed," I agreed, nestling closer to him. + +My heart echoed the words. In fact, it seemed almost too good to +be true, this quiet domestic cove into which our marital bark had +drifted. The storms we had weathered seemed far past. Dicky's jealousy +of my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett; my unhappiness over Lillian +Underwood--those tempestuous days surely were years ago instead of +months. + +Now Jack was "somewhere in France," and I had a queer little +premonition that somewhere, somehow, his path would cross that of +Miss Sonnot, the little nurse, who had gone with Dr. Braithwaite's, +expedition, and who for years had cherished a romantic ideal of my +brother-cousin, although she had never met him. + +Lillian Underwood was my sworn friend. With characteristic directness +she had cut the Gordian knot of our misunderstanding by telling me, +against Dicky's protests, all about the old secret which her past and +that of my husband shared. After her story, with all that it revealed +of her sacrifice and her fidelity to her own high ideals, there +never again would be a doubt of her in my mind. I was proud of her +friendship, although, because of my mother-in-law's prejudice against +them, Dicky and I could not have the Underwoods at our home. + +Our meetings, therefore, were few. But I had an odd little feeling of +safety and security whenever I thought of her. I knew if any terrible +trouble ever came to me I should fly to her as if she were my sister. + +My work at the Lotus Study Club was going along smoothly. At home +Katie was so much more satisfactory than the maids I had seen in other +establishments that I shut my eyes to many little things about which I +knew my mother-in-law would have been most captious. + +But my mother-in-law's acerbity was softened by her weakness. We grew +quite companionable in the winter days when Dicky's absence at the +studio left us together. Altogether I felt that life had been very +good to me. + +So the winter rolled away, and almost before we knew it the spring +days came stealing in from the South, bringing to me their urgent call +of brown earth and sprouting things. + +I was not the only one who listened to the message of spring. Mother +Graham grew restless and used all of her meagre strength in drives to +the parks and walks to a nearby square where the crocuses were just +beginning to wave their brave greeting to the city. + +The warmer days affected Dicky adversely. He seemed a bit distrait, +displayed a trifle of his earlier irritability, and complained a great +deal about the warmth of the apartment. + +"I tell you I can't stand this any longer," he said one particularly +warm evening in April, as he sank into a chair, flinging his collar in +one direction and his necktie in another. "I'd rather be in the city +in August than in these first warm days of spring. What do you say +to moving into the country for the summer? Our month is up here the +first, anyway, and I am perfectly willing to lose any part of the +month's rent if we only can get away." + +"But, Dicky," I protested, "unless we board, which I don't think +any of us would like to do, how are we going to find a house, to say +nothing of getting settled in so short a time?" + +To my surprise, Dicky hesitated a moment before answering. Then, +flushing, he uttered the words which brought my little castle of +contentment grumbling about me and warned me that my marital problems +were not yet all solved. + +"Why, you see, there won't be any bother about a house. Miss Draper +has found a perfectly bully place not far from her sister's home." + +"Miss Draper has found a house for us!" + +I echoed Dicky's words in blank astonishment. His bit of news was +so unexpected, amazement was the only feeling that came to me for a +moment or two. + +"Well, what's the reason for the awful astonishment?" demanded Dicky, +truculently. "You look as if a bomb had exploded in your vicinity." + +He expressed my feeling exactly. I knew that Miss Draper had become a +fixture in his studio, acting as his secretary as well as his model, +and pursuing her art studies under his direction. But his references +to her were always so casual and indifferent that for months I had not +thought of her at all. And now I found that Dicky had progressed to +such a degree of intimacy with her that he not only wished to move to +the village which she called home, but had allowed her to select the +house in which we were to live. + +I might be foolish, overwrought, but all at once I recognized in +Dicky's beautiful protégé a distinct menace to my marital happiness. +I knew I ought to be most guarded in my reply to my husband, but I am +afraid the words of my answer were tipped with the venom of my feeling +toward the girl. + +"I admit I am astonished," I replied coldly. "You see, I did not know +it was the custom in your circle for an artist's model to select a +house for his wife and mother. You must give me time to adjust myself +to such a bizarre state of things." + +I was so furious myself that I did not realize how much my answer +would irritate Dicky. He sprang to his feet with an oath and turned on +me the old, black angry look that I had not seen for months. + +"That's about the meanest slur I ever heard," he shouted. "Just +because a girl works as a model every other woman thinks she has +the right to cast a stone at her, and put on a +how-dare-you-brush-your-skirt-against-mine sort of thing. You worked +for a living yourself not so very long ago. I should think you would +have a little Christian charity in your heart for any other girl who +worked." + +"It strikes me that there is a slight difference between the work of +a high school instructor in history, a specialist in her subject, and +the work of an artist's model," I returned icily. "But, laying all +that aside, I should have considered myself guilty of a very grave +breach of good taste if I had ventured to select a house for the wife +of my principal, unasked and unknown to her." + +"Cut out the heroics, and come down to brass tacks," Dicky snarled +vulgarly. "Why don't you be honest and say you're jealous of the poor +girl? I'll bet, if the truth were known, it isn't only the house she +selected you'd balk at. I'll bet you wouldn't want to go to Marvin at +all for the summer, regardless that I've spent many a comfortable +week in that section, and like it better than any other summer place I +know." + +Through all my anger at Dicky, my disgust at his coarseness, came +the conviction that he had spoken the truth. I was jealous of +Grace Draper, there was no use denying the fact to myself, however +strenuously I might try to hide the thing from Dicky. I told myself +that I hated Marvin because it held this girl, that instead of +spending the summer there I wished I might never see the place again. + +I was angrier than ever when the knowledge of my own emotion forced +itself upon me, angry with myself for being so silly, angry with Dicky +for having brought such provocation upon me! I let my speech lash out +blindly, not caring what I said: + +"You are wrong in one thing--right in another. I am not jealous of +Miss Draper. To tell you the truth, I do not care enough about what +you do to be jealous of you. But I would not like to live in Marvin +for this season--I never counted in my list of friends a woman who +possesses neither good breeding nor common sense, and I do not propose +to begin with Miss Draper." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment, his face dark and distorted with +passion. Then, springing to his feet, he picked up his collar and tie +and went into his room. Returning with fresh ones, he snatched his hat +and stick and rushed to the door. As he slammed it after him I heard +another oath, one this time coupled with a reference to me. I sank +back in the big chair weak and trembling. + +"Well, you have made a mess of it!" My mother-in-law's voice, cool and +cynical, sounded behind me. I felt like saying something caustic to +her, but there was something in her tones that stopped me. It was not +criticism of me she was expressing, rather sympathy. Accustomed as I +was to every inflection of her voice, I realized this, and accordingly +held my tongue until she had spoken further. + +"I'll admit you've had enough to make any woman lose her control of +herself," went on Dicky's mother, with the fairness which I had found +her invariably to possess in anything big, no matter how petty and +fussy she was over trifles. "But you ought to know Richard better than +to take that way with him. Give Richard his head and he soon tires of +any of the thousand things he proposes doing from time to time. Oppose +him, ridicule him, make him angry, and he'll stick to his notion as a +dog to a bone." + +She turned and walked into her own room again. I sat miserably huddled +in the big chair, by turn angry at my husband and remorseful over my +own hastiness. + +"Vot I do about dinner, Missis Graham?" Katie's voice was subdued, +sympathetic and respectful. I realized that she had heard every word +of our controversy. The knowledge made my reply curt. + +"Keep it warm as long as you can. I will tell you when to serve it." + +Katie stalked out, muttering something about the dinner being spoiled, +but I paid no heed to her. My thoughts were too busy with conjectures +and forebodings of the future to pay any attention to trifles. + +The twilight deepened into darkness. I was just nerving myself to +summon Katie and tell her to serve dinner when the door opened and +Dicky's rapid step crossed the room. He switched on the light, and +then coming over to me, lifted me bodily out of my chair. + +"Was the poor little girl jealous?" he drawled, with his face pressed +close to mine. "Well, she shall never have to be jealous again. We +won't live in Marvin, naughty old town, full of beautiful models. +We'll just go over to Hackensack or some nice respectable place like +that." + +At first my heart had leaped with victory. Dicky had come back, and he +was not angry. Then as his lips sought mine, and I caught his breath, +my victory turned to ashes. The regret or repentance which had driven +my husband back to my arms had not come from his heart but from the +depths of a whiskey glass. + + + + +XXII + +AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + +It was two days after our quarrel over Grace Draper and her selection +of a summer home for us before Dicky again broached the subject of +leaving the city for the summer. + +"By the way," he said, as carelessly as if the subject had never been +a bone of contention between us, "that house I was speaking of the +other night; the one Miss Draper thought we would like, has been +rented, so we will have to look for something else." + +I had no idea how he had managed to get rid of taking the house after +his protégé had gone to the trouble of hunting one up, nor did I care. +I told myself that as the girl's insolent assurance in selecting a +house for me had been put down I could afford to be magnanimous. So I +smiled at Dicky and said with an ease which I was far from feeling: + +"But there must be other places in Marvin that are desirable. That day +we were out there I caught glimpses of streets that must be beautiful +in summer." + +Into Dicky's eyes flashed a look of tender pleasure that warmed me. +Taking advantage of his mother's absorption in her fish he threw me a +kiss. I knew that I had pleased him wonderfully by tacitly agreeing to +go to Marvin, and that our quarrel was to him as if it had never been. +I wish I had his mercurial temperament. Long after I have forgiven a +wrong done to me, or an unpleasant experience, the bitter memory of it +comes back to torment me. + +"That's my bully girl!" was all Dicky said in reply, but when the +baked fish had been discussed and we were eating our salad he looked +up, his eyes twinkling. + +"This green stuff reminds me that if I'm going to get my garden sass +planted this year or you want any flower beds, we'll have to get busy. +Can you run out to Marvin with me tomorrow morning and look around? We +ought to be able to find something we want. Real estate agents are as +thick as fleas around that section." + +We made an early start the next morning, Mother Graham, with +characteristic energy, spurring up Katie with the breakfast, and +successfully routing Dicky from the second nap he was bound to take. I +had been up since daylight, for it was a perfect spring morning, and I +was anxious to be afield. + +As we neared the entrance of the Long Island station I thought of the +first trip we had taken to Marvin, and the unpleasantness which had +marred the day, and I plucked Dicky's sleeve timidly. + +"Dicky!" I swallowed hard and stopped short. + +He adroitly swung me across the street into the safety of the runway +leading down into the station before he spoke. + +"Well, what's on your conscience?" He smiled down at me roguishly. +"You look as if you were going to confess to a murder at least." + +"Not that bad," I smiled faintly. "But oh, Dicky, if I promise to +try not to say anything irritating today, will you promise not to, +either?" + +"Sure as you're born," Dicky returned cheerfully. "Don't want to spoil +the day, eh?" + +"It's such a heavenly day," I sighed. "I feel as if I couldn't stand +it to have anything mar it." + +As we sat in the train that bore us to Marvin Dicky outlined some of +his plans for the summer. + +"There are two or three of the fellows who come down here summers who +I know will be glad to go Dutch on a motor boat," he said. "We can +take the bulliest trips, way out to deserted sand islands, where the +surf is the best ever. We'll take along a tent and spend the night +there sometime, or we can stretch out in the boat. Then we must see if +we can get hold of some horses. Do you ride? Think of it! We've been +married months, and I don't know yet whether you ride or not!" + +"No, I don't ride, but oh, how I've always wanted to!" I returned with +enthusiasm. Then, with a sudden qualm, "But all that will be terribly +expensive, won't it?" + +"Not so awful," Dicky said, smiling down at me. "But even if it is, +I guess we can stand it. I've had some cracking good orders lately. +We'll have one whale of a summer." + +My heart beat high with happiness. Surely, with all these plans +for me, my husband's thoughts could not be much occupied with his +beautiful model. As he lifted me down to the station platform at +Marvin I looked with friendliness at the dingy, battered old railroad +station which I remembered, at the defiant sign near it which +trumpeted in large type, "Don't judge the town by the station," and +the winding main street of the village, which, when I had visited +Marvin before, Dicky had wished to show me. + +Upon that other visit our first sight of Grace Draper and Dicky's +interest in her had spoiled the trip for me. I had insisted upon going +back without seeing some of the things Dicky had planned to show +me, and I had disliked the thought of the town ever since. But with +Dicky's loving plans for my happiness dazzling me, I felt a touch of +the glamour with which he invested the place in my eyes. I caught at +his hand in an unwonted burst of tenderness. + +"Let's walk down that old winding street which you told me about last +winter," I said. "I've wanted to see it ever since you spoke about +it." + +"We'll probably motor down it instead," he grinned. "There's a real +estate office just opposite here, and I see the agent's flivver in +front of the door, where he stands just inside his office. The spider +and the fly, eh, Madge? Well, Mr. Spider, here are two dear little +flies for you!" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I dragged at his arm in protest. "Don't spoil our first +view of that street by whirling through it in a car. Let's saunter +down it first and then come back to the real estate man." + +"You have a gleam of human intelligence, sometimes, don't you?" Dicky +inquired banteringly. Then he took my arm to help me across the rough +places in the country road. + +We had almost reached the door of the office when Dicky caught sight +of a plainly dressed woman coming toward us. I heard him catch his +breath, his grasp on my arm tightened, and with an indescribable agile +movement he fairly bolted into the real estate office, dragging me +with him. + +"I'll explain later," he said in my ear. "Just follow my lead now." + +As he turned to the rotund little real estate agent, who came forward +to greet us, a look of surprise on his round face, I looked through +the window at the woman from whose sight he had dodged. + +Then I felt that I needed an explanation, indeed. + +For the woman whose eyes my husband so evidently wished to avoid was +Mrs. Gorman, Grace Draper's sister. + + * * * * * + +So I was to live in a house of Grace Draper's choosing, after all! + +This was the thought that came most forcibly to me when Mr. Brennan, +the owner of the house Dicky had impetuously decided to rent, told us +that Miss Draper had looked over the place for an artist friend, and +that she would have taken it only for finding another house nearer her +own home. + +I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not at first notice +Dicky's embarrassment when Mr. Brennan asked him if he knew Grace +Draper. It was only when the man, who had all the earmarks of a +gossiping countryman, repeated the question, that I realized Dicky's +confusion. + +"Did you say you knew her?" + +"Yes, I know her; she works in my studio," remarked Dicky, shortly. + +"Oh!" The exclamation had the effect of a long-drawn whistle. "Then +you probably were the artist friend she spoke of." + +"I probably was." Dicky's tone was grim. I knew how near his temper +was to exploding, and the look which I beheld on the face of Mr. +Birdsall, the little real estate agent, galvanized me into action. + +"Dear, what do you suppose led Grace to think we would like that other +place better than this?" I flashed a tender little smile at Dicky. "Of +course we would like to be nearer her, but this is not very far from +her home, and it is so much better, isn't it?" + +Dicky took the cue without a tremor. + +"Why, I suppose she thought you would find this house too big for you +to look after," he replied in a matter-of-fact way. + +"That was awful dear and thoughtful of her," I murmured, careful +to keep my voice at just the right pitch of friendliness toward the +absent Grace, "but I don't think this will be too much, for we can +shut up the rooms we don't need." + +I had the satisfaction of seeing the puzzled looks of Mr. Brennan +and Mr. Birdsall change into an evident readjustment of their ideas +concerning my husband and Grace Draper. But I did not relax my iron +hold upon myself. I knew if I dared let myself down for an instant +angry tears would rush to my eyes. + +"When did you say we could move in?" I turned to Mr. Brennan, +determined to get away from the subject of Grace Draper as quickly as +possible. + +"Today, if you want it." + +"No," returned Dicky, "but we will want it soon. When do you think we +can move?" He turned to me. + + * * * * * + +I spent three busy days at the Brennan place. There was much to be +done both inside and outside the house. After the first day, Katie did +not return with me, as my mother-in-law needed her in the apartment. +But I engaged another woman with the one I had for the work in the +house and put the grinning William in charge of an old man I had +secured to clean up the grounds and make the garden. + +I soon found that I had a treasure in Mr. Jones, who was a typical old +Yankee farmer, a wizened little man with chin whiskers. He could only +give me a day or two occasionally, as he was old and confided to me +that he was subject to "the rheumatics." But while I was there he +ploughed and harrowed and planted the garden, cleared the rubbish +away, and made me innumerable flower beds, keeping an iron hand over +the irresponsible William, whose grin gradually faded as he was forced +to do some real work for his day's wages. + +A riotous and extravagant hour in a seed and bulb store resulted in my +getting all the flower favorites I had loved in my childhood. I also +bought the seeds of all vegetables which Dicky and I liked, and a few +more, and put them in Mr. Jones's capable hands. + +If there was a variety of vegetables or flower seeds which looked +attractive in the seedman's catalogue, and which remained unbought, it +was the fault of the salesman, for I conscientiously tried to select +every one. I planned the location of a few of the beds, and then +confided to Mr. Jones the rest of the outdoor work, knowing that he +could finish it after my return to the city. + +Mr. Birdsall, the agent, was very tractable about the kitchen, sending +men the second day to paint it. So at the end of the third day, when I +turned the key in the lock of the front door, I was conscious that the +house was as clean as soap and water and hard work could make it, that +the grounds were in order, and the growing things I loved on their way +to greet me. + +I fancy it was high time things were accomplished, for in some way +I had caught a severe cold. At least that was the way I diagnosed my +complaint. My throat seemed swollen, my head ached severely, and each +bone and muscle in my body appeared to have its separate pain. When I +reached the apartment I felt so ill that I undressed and went to bed +at once. + +"You must spray your throat immediately," my mother-in-law said in a +businesslike way, "and I suppose we ought to send for that jackanapes +of a doctor." + +Even through my suffering I could not help but smile at my +mother-in-law's reference to Dr. Pettit, who had attended her in her +illness. She had summarily dismissed him because he had forbidden +her to see to the unpacking of her trunks when she was barely +convalescent, and we had not seen him since. + +"I'm sure I will not need a physician," I said, trying to speak +distinctly, although it was an effort for me to articulate. "Wait +until Dicky comes, anyway." + +For distinct in my mind was a mental picture of the look I had +detected in Dr. Pettit's eyes upon the day of his last visit to my +mother-in-law. I remembered the way he had clasped my hand in parting. +The feeling was indefinable. I scored myself as fanciful and conceited +for imagining that there had been anything special in his farewell +to me or in the little courtesies he had tendered me during my +mother-in-law's illness. But I told myself again, as I had after +closing the door upon his last visit, that it were better all around +if he did not come again. + +"If you wait for Richard, you'll wait a long time," his mother +observed grimly. "He called up a while ago, and said he had been +invited to an impromptu studio party that he couldn't get away from, +and that he would be home in two or three hours. But I know Richard. +If he gets interested in anything like that he won't be home until +midnight." + +I do not pretend either to analyze or excuse the feeling of reckless +defiance that seized me upon hearing of Dicky's absence. I reflected +bitterly that I had taken all the burden of seeing to the new home, +and was suffering from illness contracted because of that work, while +Dicky was frolicking at a studio party, with never a thought of me. + +I know without being told that Grace Draper was a member of the +frolic. And here I was suffering, yet refusing the services of a +skilled physician because I fancied there was something in his manner +the tolerance of which would savor of disloyalty to Dicky! + +I turned to my mother-in-law to tell her she could summon the +physician, but found that I could hardly speak. My throat felt as if I +were choking. + +"The spray!" I gasped. + +Thoroughly alarmed, Mother Graham assisted me in spraying my throat +with a strong antiseptic solution. Then I gave her the number of Dr. +Pettit's office, and she called him up. I heard her tell him to make +haste, and then she came back to me. I saw that she was frightened +about the condition of my throat, but the choking feeling gave me no +time to be frightened. I kept the spray going almost constantly until +the physician came. It was the only way I could breathe. + +Dr. Pettit must have made a record journey, for the door bell +signalled his arrival only a few moments after Mother Graham's +message. + +He gave my throat one swift, shrewd glance, then turned to his small +valise and drew from it a stick, some absorbent cotton and a bottle of +dark liquid. With swift, sure movements he prepared a swab, and turned +to me. + +"Open your mouth again," he said gently, but peremptorily. + +I obeyed him, and the antiseptic bathed the swollen tonsils surely and +skilfully. + +As I swayed, almost staggered, in the spasm of coughing and choking +which followed, I felt the strong, sure support of his arm touching my +shoulders, of his hand grasping mine. + +"Now lie down," he commanded gently, when the paroxysm was over. He +drew the covers over me himself, lifted my head and shoulders gently +with one hand, while with the other he raised the pillows to the angle +he wished. Then he turned to my mother-in-law. + +"She has a bad case of tonsilitis, but there is no danger," he said +quietly, utterly ignoring her rudeness at the time of his last visit. +"I will stay until I have swabbed her throat again. She is to have +these pellets," he handed her a bottle of pink tablets, "once every +fifteen minutes until she has taken four, then every hour until +midnight. Let her sleep all she can and keep her warm. I would like +two hot water bags filled, if you please, and a glass of water. She +must begin taking these tablets as soon as possible." + +As my mother-in-law left the room to get the things he wished, Dr. +Pettit came back to the bedside and stood looking down at me. + +"Where is your husband?" he asked, a note of sternness in his voice. + +I shook my head. I was just nervous and sick enough to feel the +question keenly. I could not restrain the foolish tears which rolled +slowly down my cheeks. + +Dr. Pettit took his handkerchief and wiped them away. Then he said in +almost a whisper: + +"Poor little girl! How I wish I could bear the pain for you!" + + + + +XXIII + +"BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + +My recovery from the attack of tonsilitis, thanks to Dr. Pettit's +remedies, was almost as rapid as the seizure had been sudden. +My mother-in-law, forgetting her own invalidism, carried out the +physician's directions faithfully. The choking sensation in my throat +gradually lessened, until by midnight I was able to go to sleep. + +I have no idea when Dicky came home from his "impromptu studio party." +His mother, whose deftness, efficiency and unexpected tenderness +surprised me, arranged a bed for him on the couch in the living room, +and I did not hear him come in at all. + +"My poor little sweetheart!" This was his greeting the next morning. +"If I had only known you were ill the old blow-out could have gone +plump. It was a stupid affair, anyway. Had a rotten time." + +"It doesn't matter, Dicky," I said wearily, and closed my eyes, +pretending to sleep. I knew Dicky was puzzled by my manner, for +I could feel him silently watching me for several minutes. Then +evidently satisfied that I was really sleeping he tiptoed out of the +room, and a little later I heard him depart for his studio, first +cautioning his mother to call him if I needed him. + +I spent a most miserable day after Dicky had left, in spite of my +mother-in-law's tender care and Katie's assiduous attentions. The +studio party, of which I was sure Grace Draper was a member, rankled +as did anything connected with this student model of Dicky's. The +memory of the village gossip concerning her friendship for my husband +which I had heard in Marvin troubled me, while even Dicky's solicitude +for my illness seemed to my overwrought imagination to be forced, +artificial. + +His exclamation, "My poor little sweetheart!" did not ring true to +me. I felt bitterly that there was more sincerity in Dr. Pettit's low +words of the day before: "Poor little girl, I wish I could bear this +pain for you!" than in Dicky's protestations. + +How genuinely troubled the tall young physician had been! How +resentful of Dicky's absence from my bedside! How tender and strong +in my paroxysms of choking! I felt a sudden added bitterness toward my +husband that the memory of my suffering should have blended with it no +recollection of his care, only the tender sympathy of a stranger. + +But in two days I was my usual self again, ready for the arduous tasks +of moving and settling. + +Mother Graham and I spent a hectic day in the furniture and drapery +shops, buying things to supplement her furniture and mine, which we +had arranged to have sent to the Brennan house in Marvin. I found that +her judgment as to values and fabrics was unerring. But her taste as +to colors and designs frequently clashed with mine. Save for the fact +that she became fatigued before we had finished our shopping, there +would have been no individual touch of mine in our home. As it was, I +was not sorry that she found herself too indisposed to go with me +the second day, so that I had a chance to put something of my own +individuality into the new furnishings. + +Another two days in Marvin with the aid of a workman unpacking and +arranging the crated furniture and our purchases, and the new home was +ready to step into. + +We were a gay little party as we went together through the house +inspecting all the rooms. When we came to Dicky's, he barred us out. + +"Now, remember, no stealing of keys and peering into Bluebeard's +closet," said Dicky gayly, as he closed and locked the door of his +room. + +"You flatter yourself, sir." I swept him a low bow. "I really haven't +the slightest curiosity about your old room." + +"Sour grapes," he mocked, and then impressively, "And no matter what +packages or furniture come here for me they are not to be unwrapped. +Just leave them on the porch, or in the library until I come home." + +"I wouldn't touch one of them with a pair of tongs," I assured him. + +"See that you don't," he returned, hanging the key up, and hastily +kissing me. "Now I've got to run for it." + +He hurried down the stairs and out of the front door. I stood looking +after him with a smile of tender amusement. + +The day after Dicky's purchases arrived he rose early. + +"No studio for me today," he announced. "Can you get hold of that man +who helped you clean up here? I want an able-bodied man for several +hours today." + +"I think so," I returned quietly, and going to the telephone, soon +returned with the assurance that William-of-the-wide-grin would +shortly be at the house. + +"That's fine," commented Dicky. "And now I want you and mother to get +out of the way after breakfast. Go for a walk or a drive or anything +go you are not around. I want to surprise you this afternoon. I'll bet +that room will make your eyes stick out when you see it." + +I had a wonderful tramp through the woods, enjoying it so much that it +was after four o'clock when I finally returned home. Dicky greeted me +exuberantly. + +"Come along now," he commanded, rushing me upstairs. "Come, mother!" + +The elder Mrs. Graham appeared at the door of her room, curiosity +and disapproval struggling with each other in her face. But curiosity +triumphed. With a protesting snort she followed us to the door of the +locked room. Dicky unlocked the door with a flourish and stood aside +for us to enter. + +I gasped as I caught my first sight of the transformed room. Dicky had +not exaggerated--it was wonderful. + +The paper had been taken from the walls, and they and the ceiling had +been painted a soft gray with just a touch of blue in its tint. The +woodwork was ivory-tinted throughout, while the floor was painted a +deeper shade of the gray that covered the walls. + +Almost covering the floor was a gorgeous Chinese rug with wonderful +splashes of blue through it. I knew it must be an imitation of one +costing a fortune, but I realized that Dicky must have paid a pretty +penny even for the counterfeit, for the coloring and design were +cleverly done. + +The blue of the rug was reproduced in every detail of the room. The, +window, draperies, of thin, Oriental fabric, had bands of Chinese +embroidered silk cunningly sewed on them. These bands carried out in +the azure groundwork and the golden threads the motif of the rug. The +cushions, which were everywhere in evidence, were made of the same +embroidered silk which banded the window draperies, while blue strips +of the same material were thrown carelessly over a teakwood table and, +a chest of drawers. + +A chaise lounge of bamboo piled with cushions stood underneath the +windows, which commanded a view of the rolling woodland and meadows +I had found so beautiful. Three chairs of the same material completed +the furnishings of the room, save for a wonderful Chinese screen +reaching almost from the ceiling to the floor, which hid a single iron +bed, painted white, of the type used in hospitals, a small bureau, +also painted white, and a shaving mirror. + +"Don't want any junk about my sleeping quarters," Dicky explained, as +I looked behind the screen. + +"Well, what do you think of it?" he demanded at last, in a hurt tone, +as I finished my inspection of the walls, which were almost covered +with the originals of Dicky's best magazine illustrations, framed in +narrow, black strips of wood. + +"It is truly wonderful, Dicky," I returned, trying to make my voice +enthusiastic. + +I could have raved over the room, for I did think it exquisitely +beautiful, had not my woman's intuition detected that another hand +than Dicky's had helped in its preparation. + +Only a woman's cunning fingers could have fashioned the curtains and +the cushions I saw in profusion about the room. I knew her identity +before Dicky, after pointing out in detail every article of which he +was so proud, said hesitatingly: + +"I wish, Madge, you would telephone Miss Draper and ask her to run +over tomorrow and see the room. You see, I was so anxious to surprise +you that I did not want to have you do any of the work, and she kindly +did all of this needlework for me. I know she is very curious to see +how her work looks." + +"Of course, I will telephone Miss Draper if you wish it, Dicky, but +don't you think you ought to do it yourself? She is your employee, not +mine, and I never have seen her but twice in my life." + +I flatter myself that my voice was as calm as if I had not the +slightest emotional interest in the topic I was discussing. But in +reality I was furiously angry. And I felt that I had reason to be. + +"Now, that's a nice, catty thing to say!" Dicky exploded wrathfully. +"Hope you feel better, now you've got it off your chest. And you can +just trot right along and telephone her yourself. Gee! you haven't +been a martyr for months, have you?" + +When Dicky takes that cutting, ironical tone, it fairly maddens me. I +could not trust myself to speak, so I turned quickly and went out of +the room which had become suddenly hateful to me, and found refuge in +my own. + +My exit was not so swift, however, but that I overheard words of my +mother-in-law's, which were to remain in my mind. + +"Richard," she exclaimed angrily, "you ought to be ashamed of +yourself. You act like a silly fool over this model of yours. What +business did you have asking her to do this needlework for you in the +first place? You ought to have known Margaret would not like it." + +I did not hear Dicky's reply, for I had reached my own room, and, +closing and locking the door, I sat down by the window until I should +be able to control my words and actions. + +For one thing I had determined. I would not have a repetition of +the scenes which Dicky's temper and my own sensitiveness had made of +almost daily occurrence in the earlier months of our marriage. I could +not bring myself to treat Grace Draper with the friendliness which +Dicky appeared to wish from me, but at least I could keep from +unseemly squabbling about her. + +But my heart was heavy with misgiving concerning this friendship of +Dicky's for his beautiful model, as I opened my door and went down the +hall to Dicky's room. My mother-in-law's voice interrupted me. + +"Come in here a minute," she said abruptly, as she trailed her flowing +negligee past me into the living room. + +As I followed her in, wondering, she closed the door behind her. I +saw with amazement that her face was pale, her lips quivering with +emotion. + +"Child," she said, laying her hand with unwonted gentleness on my +shoulder. "I want you to know that I entirely disapprove of this +invitation which Richard has asked you to extend. Of course, you must +use your own judgment in the matter, and it may be wise for you to +do as he asks. But I want to be sure that you are not influenced by +anything I may have said in the past about not opposing Richard in his +whims. + +"He is going too far in this thing," she went on. "I cannot counsel +you. Each woman has to solve these problems for herself. But it may +help you to know that I went through all this before you were born." + +She turned swiftly and went up to her room again. + +Dicky's father! She must mean her life with him! In a sudden, swift, +pitying gleam of comprehension, I saw why my mother-in-law was +so crabbed and disagreeable. Life had embittered her. I wondered +miserably if my life with her son would leave similar marks upon my +own soul. + + + + +XXIV + +A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + +I do not believe I shall ever know greater happiness than was mine +in the weeks following Grace Draper's first visit to our Marvin home. +Many times I looked back to that night when I had lain sobbing on my +bed, fighting the demon of jealousy and gasped in amazement at my own +folly. + +That evening had ended in Dicky's arms on our moonlight veranda, and +ever since he had been the royal lover of the honeymoon days, which +had preceded our first quarrel. I wondered vaguely sometimes if he +had guessed the wild grief and jealousy which had consumed me on that +night, but if he had any inkling of it he made no sign. + +Grace Draper had gone out of our lives temporarily. + +If I had needed reassurance as to Dicky's real feeling for her, the +manner in which he told me the news of her going would have given it +to me. + +"Blast the luck," he growled one evening, after reading a manuscript +which he had been commissioned to illustrate. "Here's something I'll +need Draper for, and she's 200 miles away. I ought to have known +better than to let her go." + +The tone and words were exactly what he would have used if the girl +had been a man or boy in his employ. Even in my surprise at his news, +I recognized this, and my heart leaped exultantly. I was careful, +however, to keep my voice nonchalant. + +"Why, has Miss Draper gone away?" I asked. + +"Oh, that's so, I didn't tell you," he returned carelessly, looking +up from the manuscript. "Yes, she went away two days ago. She has a +grandmother, or aunt, or old party of some kind, down in Pennsylvania, +who is sick and has sent for her. Guess the old girl has scads of coin +tucked away somewhere, and Draper thinks she'd better be around when +the aged relative passes in her checks. Bet a cooky she won't die at +that, but if she's going to, I wish she'd hurry up about it. I need +Draper badly, and she won't be back until the old girl either croaks +or gets better." + +Under other circumstances, the callousness of this speech, the +coarseness of some of the expressions, the calling of Miss Draper by +her surname, would have grated upon me. But I was too rejoiced both at +the girl's departure and the matter of fact way in which Dicky took it +to be captious about the language in which he couched the news of her +going. + +"Grace Draper is gone, is gone." The words set themselves to a little +tune, which lilted in my brain. I felt as if the only obstacle to my +enjoyment of our summer in the country had been removed. + +How I did revel in the long, beautiful summer days! Dicky appeared +to have a great deal of leisure, in contrast to the days crowded with +work, which had been his earlier in the spring. + +"Each year I work like the devil in the spring so as to have the +summer, June especially, comparatively free," he exclaimed one day +when I commented on the fact that he had been to his studio but twice +during the week. + +I had dreamed in my girlhood of vacations like the one I was enjoying, +but the dream had never been fulfilled before. Dicky had fixed up a +tennis court on the, grassy stretch of lawn at the left of the house, +and we played every day. Two horses from the livery were brought +around two mornings each week, and, after a few trials, I was able to +take comparatively long rides with Dicky through the exquisite country +surrounding Marvin. + +Our motor boat trips were frequent also, although Dicky found that it +was more convenient to rent one when he wished it than to enter into +any ownership arrangement with any one else. + +Automobile trips, in which his mother joined us, long rambles through +the woods and meadows which we took alone, little dinners at the +numberless shore resorts, all these made a whirl of enjoyment for me +unlike anything I had ever known. + +I was careful to cater to my mother-in-law's wishes in every way I +could. Either because of my attentions or of the beautiful summer +days, she was much softened in manner, so that there was no +unpleasantness anywhere. + +"This is the bulliest vacation I ever spent," Dicky said one evening, +after a long tramp through the woods. It was one of the frequent +chilly evenings of a Long Island summer, when a fire is most +acceptable. Katie had built a glorious fire of dry wood in the living +room fireplace, and after dinner we stretched out lazily before +it, Mother Graham and I in arm chairs, Dicky on a rug with cushions +bestowed comfortably around him. + +"I am naturally very glad to hear that," I said, demurely, and Dicky +laughed aloud. + +"That's right, take all the credit to yourself," he said, teasingly. +Then as he saw a shadow on my face, for I never have learned to take +his banter lightly, he added in a tone meant for my ear alone: + +"But you are the real reason why it's so bully, old top." + +The very next day, Dicky and I went for a long walk. + +We had nearly reached the harbor, when I saw Dicky start suddenly, +gaze fixedly at some one across the road, and then lift his hat in a +formal, unsmiling greeting. My eyes followed his, and met the cool, +half-quizzical ones of Grace Draper. She was accompanied by a tall, +very good-looking youth, who was bending toward her so assiduously +that he did not see us at all. + +"Why! I didn't know Miss Draper had returned," I said, wondering why +Dicky had kept the knowledge from me. + +"I didn't know it myself," Dicky answered, frowning. "Queer, she +wouldn't call me up. Wonder who that jackanapes with her is, anyway." + +Dicky was moody all the rest of the trip. I know that he has the most +easily wounded feelings of any one in the world, and naturally he +resented the fact that the beautiful model, whom he had befriended and +who was his secretary and studio assistant, had returned from her trip +without letting him know she was at home. + +If I only could be sure that pique at an employee's failure to report +to him was at the bottom of his sulkiness! But the memory of the +good-looking youth who hung over the girl so assiduously was before my +eyes. I feared that the reason for Dicky's moody displeasure was the +presence of the unknown admirer of his beautiful model. + +Of course, all pleasure in the day's outing was gone for me also, +and we were a silent pair as we wandered in and out through the sandy +beaches. Dicky conscientiously, but perfunctorily, pointed out to +me all the things which he thought I would find interesting, and in +which, under any other circumstances, I should have revelled. + +In my resolution to be as chummy with Dicky as possible, I determined +to put down my own feelings toward Grace Draper. But it was an effort +for me to say what I wished to Dicky. We had chatted about many +things, and were nearly home, when I said timidly: + +"Dicky, now that Miss Draper is back, don't you think you and I ought +to call on her and her sister, and have them over to dinner?" + +Dicky frowned impatiently: + +"For heaven's sake, don't monkey with that old cat, Mrs. Gorman. She +is making trouble enough as it is." + +He bit his lip the next instant, as if he wished the words unsaid, +and, for a wonder, I was wise enough not to question him as to +the meaning of the little speech. But into my heart crept my own +particular little suspicious devil--always too ready to come, is this +small familiar demon of mine--and once there he stayed, continually +whispering ugly doubts and queries concerning the "trouble" that Mrs. +Gorman was making over her sister's intimate studio association with +my husband. + +My constant brooding affected my spirits. I found myself growing +irritable. The next day after Dicky and I had seen Miss Draper and her +attendant cavalier on the road to Marvin harbor, Dicky made a casual +reference at the table to the fact that she had returned to the studio +and her work as his secretary and model. + +"She said she called up the studio when she got in, and again +yesterday morning, but I was not in," he said. I realized that the +girl had cleverly soothed his resentment at her failure to notify him +that she had returned from her trip. + +Whether it was the result of my own irritability or not I do not know, +but Dicky seemed to grow more indifferent and absent-minded each day. +He was not irritable with me, he simply had the air of a man absorbed +in some pursuit and indifferent to everything else. + +Grace Draper's attitude toward me puzzled me also. She preserved +always the cool but courteous manner one would use to the most casual +acquaintance, yet she did not hesitate to avail herself of every +possible opportunity to come to the house. Then, two or three times +during the latter part of the summer, I found that she had managed to +join outings of ours. Whether this state of affairs was due to Dicky's +wishes or her own subtle planning I could not determine. + +I struggled hard with myself to treat the girl with friendliness, but +found it impossible. My manner toward her held as much reserve as was +compatible with formal courtesy. Of course, this did not please Dicky. + +Dicky was also developing an unusual sense of punctuality. I always +had thought him quite irresponsible concerning the keeping of his +appointments, and he never had any set time for arriving at his +studio. But he suddenly announced one morning that he must catch the +8:21 train every morning without fail. + +"The next one gets in too late," he said, "and I have a tremendous +amount of work on hand." + +The explanation was plausible enough, but there was something about it +that did not ring true. However, the solution of his sudden solicitude +for punctuality did not come to me until Mrs. Hoch, one of my +neighbors, called with her daughter, Celie, and enlightened me. + +"We just heard something we thought you ought to know," Celie began +primly, "so Ma and I hurried right over, so as to put you on your +guard." + +"Yes," sighed Mrs. Hoch, rocking vigorously as she spoke, "everybody +knows I'm no gossip. I believe if you can't say nothing good about +nobody, you should keep your mouth shut, but I says to Celie as soon +as I heard this, 'Celie,' says I, 'it's our duty to tell that poor +thing what we know.'" + +I started to speak, to stop whatever revelation she wished to make, +but I might as well have attempted to stem a torrent with a leaf +bridge. + +"We've heard things for a long time," Mrs. Hoch went on, "but we +didn't want to say nothin', 'specially as you seemed such friends, her +runnin' here and all. But we noticed she hain't been comin' lately, +and then our Willie, he hears things a lot over at the station, and +he says it's common talk over there that your husband and that Draper +girl are planning to elope. They take the same train every morning +together, come home on the same one at night, and they are as friendly +as anything." + +"Mrs. Hoch," I snapped out, "if I had known what you were going to +say, I would not have allowed you to speak. Your words are an insult +to my husband and myself. You will please to remember never to say +anything like this to me again." + +Mrs. Hoch rose to her feet, her face an unbecoming brick red. Her +daughter's black eyes snapped with anger. + +"Come, Celie," the elder woman said, "I don't stay nowhere to be +insulted, when all I've tried to do is give a little friendly warning +to a neighbor." + +Mother and daughter hurried down the path, chattering to each other, +like two angry squirrels. + +"Horrid, stuck-up thing," I heard Celie say spitefully, as they went +through the fence. "I hope Grace Draper does take him away from +her. She's got a nerve, I must say, talkin' to us like that. I don't +believe she cares anything about her husband, anyway." + +She might have changed her mind had she seen me fly to my room as soon +as she was safely out of sight, lock the door, and bury my face in the +pillows, that neither my mother-in-law nor Katie should hear the sobs +I could not repress. + +"Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!" I moaned. "Have I really lost you?" + +Of course I knew better than to believe the statement of the +elopement. I had seen and heard enough of village life to realize how +the slightest circumstance was magnified by the community loafers. +That Dicky and the girl took the same train, going and coming from +the city, was a fact borne out by my own observations. I had remarked +Dicky's regularity in catching the 8:21 in the mornings, something so +opposed to his usual unpunctual habits, and wondered why. Now I had +the solution. + +I told myself, dully, that I was not surprised; that I had really +known all along something like this was coming. My thoughts went +back to the night, a few weeks before, when I had suffered a similar +paroxysm of grief over Dicky's evident interest in the girl. Then all +my doubts and fears had been swept away in Dicky's arms on the +moonlit veranda. I caught my breath as I realized in all its miserable +certainty the impossibility of any such tender scene now. Dicky and I +seemed as far apart emotionally as the poles. + +But the determination I had reached that other night, before Dicky's +voice and caresses dispelled my doubts, I made my own again. There was +nothing for me to do but to wait quietly, with dignity, until I was +absolutely certain that Dicky no longer loved me. Then I would go +out of his life without scenes or recriminations. I would not lift a +finger to hold him. + +By the time I had gained control of myself once more, Dicky came home. + +"Letter for you," he said, "from the office of your old principal." + +He tossed it into my lap, eyeing it and me curiously. I knew that his +desire to know what was in it had made him remember to give it to me. +His mother, who had opened her door at his step, came forward eagerly. +I opened the letter, to find an offer of my old school position. My +principal wrote that the woman who was appointed to the position had +been suddenly taken ill and could not possibly fill it. He asked me +to write him my decision at once, as it was within a few days of the +opening of the school. + +Mechanically, I read it aloud. My brain was whirling. I wondered if, +perhaps, this was the way out for me. If Dicky really did not love me +any longer, I ought to accept this position, even if by taking it I +broke my agreement with the Lotus Study Club. + +I did not like the thought of leaving the women who had thus honored +me, but, on the other hand, if Dicky and I were to come to the parting +of the ways, I could not refuse this rare chance to get back into the +work I had left for his sake. + +I decided to be guided by his attitude. If he were opposed to my +course, I would know that my actions had ceased to be resentful to +him, and I would accept the position. But if he showed willingness at +the proposition-- + +I did not have long to wait. As I lifted my eyes to his face, when I +had finished reading the letter I saw the old familiar black frown on +his face. I never had thought that my heart would leap with joy at +the sight of Dicky's frown, but it did. Before either of us could say +anything, his mother spoke: + +"Isn't it splendid? You are a most fortunate woman, Margaret, to be +able to step back into a position like that. If it had come earlier, +when my health was so poor, you could not have taken it. Now you can +accept it, for I am perfectly able to run the house. You, of course, +will write your acceptance at once." + +She paused. I knew she expected me to reply. But I closed my lips +firmly. Dicky should be the one to decide this. He did it with +thoroughness. + +"I thought we settled all this rot last spring," he said. "Mother, I +don't want to be disrespectful, but this is my business and Madge's, +not yours. You will refuse, of course, Madge." + +He turned to me in the old imperious manner. Months before I should +have resented it. Now I revelled in it. Dicky cared enough about me, +whether from pride or love, to resent my going back to my work. + +"If you wish it, Dicky," I said quietly. He turned a grateful look at +me. Then his mother's voice sounded imperiously in our ears. + +"I think you have said quite enough, Richard," she said, with icy +dignity. "Will you kindly telegraph Elizabeth that I shall start +for home tomorrow? I certainly shall not stay in a house where I am +flouted as I have been this morning." + + + + +XXV + +PLAYING THE GAME + + +The big house seemed very lonely to me after my mother-in-law's abrupt +departure. I had not dreamed that I could possibly miss the older +woman's companionship, especially after her hateful behavior +concerning my refusal of the school position. + +But when she had left, in dignified dudgeon, for a visit with her +daughter, Elizabeth, I realized that I had come to like her, to +depend upon her companionship more than I had thought possible. If the +country had not been so beautiful I would have proposed going back to +the city. But the tall hedges inclosing the old place were so fresh +and green, the rolling woodland view from my chamber window so +restful, my beds of dahlias, cosmos, marigolds and nasturtiums so +brilliant that I could not bring myself to leave it. + +If I had not had the vague uneasiness concerning Dicky I could have +been perfectly happy in spite of the loneliness. But my uneasiness +concerning Dicky's friendship with Grace Draper was deepening to real +alarm and anger. I had nothing more tangible than the neighborhood +gossip, which I had so thoroughly repulsed when it was offered me +by Mrs. Hoch and her daughter. But Dicky was becoming more and more +distrait, and when he would allow nothing to keep him from taking +the morning train on which Miss Draper traveled to the studio, I +remembered that when we had first come to Marvin he had taken any +forenoon train he happened to choose. + +The second morning after his mother's departure, Dicky almost missed +kissing me good-by in his mad haste to catch his train. He rushed out +of the door after a most perfunctory peck at my cheek, and I saw him +almost running down the little lane bordered with wild flowers that +led "across lots" to the railroad station. + +"I cannot bear this any longer," I muttered to myself, clenching my +hands, as I saw the Hochs, mother and daughter, watching him from +their screened porch, and imagined their satirical comments on his +eagerness to make the train. + +I sat listlessly on the veranda for an hour. Then the ringing of the +telephone roused me. As I took down the receiver I heard the droning +of the long distance operator: "Is this Marvin, 971?" and at my +affirmative answer the husky voice of Lillian Underwood. + +"Hello, my dear." Her voice had the comforting warmth which it had +held for me ever since the memorable day when by her library fire we +had resurrected the secret which her past life and Dicky's shared. +We had buried it again, smoothed out all our misunderstandings in the +process and been sworn friends ever since. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood!" My voice was almost a peal of joy. "I am so glad +to hear your voice." + +"Are you very busy? Is there anything you cannot leave for the day?" +She was direct as usual. + +"Only the dog and cat and Katie," I answered. + +"Good. Then what train can you get into town, and where can I meet +you? I want you to lunch with me. I have something important to talk +over with you." + +I hastily consulted my watch. "If I hurry I can catch the 10:21. Where +can I see you? The train reaches the Pennsylvania at 11 o'clock." + +"I'll be in the woman's waiting room at the Pennsylvania, not the Long +Island; the main waiting room. Look for me there. Good-by." + +As soon as I caught sight of Lillian I knew that something was the +matter, or she would not look at me in that way. Impulsively I laid my +hand on hers. + +"Tell me, Mrs. Underwood, is anything the matter?" + +She imprisoned my hand in both of hers and patted it. + +"Nothing that cannot be helped, my dear," she said determinedly. "Now +I am going to forbid asking another question until we have had our +luncheon. I decline to discuss the affairs of the nation or my own on +an empty stomach, and my breakfast this morning consisted of the juice +of two lemons and a small cup of coffee." + +"Why?" I asked mechanically, although I knew the answer. + +"The awful penalty of trying to keep one's figure," she returned +lightly. "But I certainly am going to break training this noon. I am +simply starved." + +Her tone and words were reassuring, although I still felt there was +something behind her light manner which intimately concerned me. But I +had learned to count on her downright honesty, and her words, "Nothing +that cannot be helped, my dear," steadied me, gave me hope that no +matter what trouble she had to tell me, she had also a panacea for it. + +We discussed our luncheon leisurely. Under the influence of the +bracing air, the beautiful view, the delicious viands, I gradually +forgot my worries, or at least pushed them back into a corner of my +brain. + +As we lingered over the ices, Lillian leaned over the table to me. + +"Will you do me a favor?" she asked abruptly. + +"Try me," I smiled back at her. + +"Ask me to your home for a week's stay. I have an idea you need my +fine Italian hand at work about now." + +I looked at her wonderingly, then I began to tremble. + +"Don't look like that," she commanded sharply. "Nothing dreadful is +the matter, but that Dicky bird of yours needs his wings clipped a +bit, and I think I am the person to apply the shears." + +So there was something wrong with Dicky after all! + +"Of course, it's that Draper cat," said Lillian Underwood, and the +indignation in her voice was a salve to my wounded pride. + +"Then you know," I faltered. + +"Of course, I know, you poor child; know, too, how distressed you +have been, although Dicky doesn't dream that I gathered that from his +ingenuous plea for the lady." + +My brain whirled. Dicky making an ingenuous plea to Lillian Underwood +for his protégé, Grace Draper! I could not understand it. + +"If Dicky has spoken of my feeling toward Miss Draper, even to you," I +began stormily, feeling every instinct outraged. + +"Don't, dear child." Mrs. Underwood reached her firm, cool hand across +the table, and put it over my hot, trembling fingers. "You can't fight +this thing by getting angry, or by jumping at conclusions. Now, listen +to me." + +There was a peremptory note in her voice that I was glad to obey. I +resolved not to interrupt her again. + +"Don't misunderstand me," she went on, "and please don't be angry when +I say you are about as able to cope with the situation as a new born +baby would be. That's the reason why I want you to let me come down +and be a big sister to you. Will you?" + +"Of course. You know I will," I returned. "But won't Dicky resent--" + +"Dicky won't dream what I'm doing," she retorted tartly, "and when he +does wake up I'll take care of him." + +Always the note of domination of Dicky! Always the calm assumption, +which I knew was justified, that no matter what she did he would not, +remain angry at her! It spoke much for the real liking I felt for +Lillian Underwood that the old resentment I felt for this condition of +things was gone forever. I knew that she was my friend even more than +Dicky's, and her history had revealed to me to what lengths she would +go in loyalty to a friend. + +"You see," she went on, "If the Draper woman were the ordinary type of +model there would be no problem at all. Dicky has always been a sort +of Sir Galahad of the studios and he had been too proud to engage +in even a slight flirtation with any girl in his employ. He is very +sincerely in love with you, too, and that safeguards him from any +influence that is not quite out of the ordinary. + +"But I tell you this Draper girl is a person to be reckoned with. +She is hard as nails, beautiful as the devil, and I believe her to be +perfectly unscrupulous. She is as interested in Dicky as she can be +in any one outside herself, and I think she would like to smash things +generally just to gratify her own egotism." + +"You mean--" I forced the words through stiff lips. + +"I mean she is trying her best to make Dicky fall in love with her, +but she isn't going to succeed." + +"But I am afraid she has succeeded!" The wail broke from me almost +without my own volition. + +"Why?" The monosyllable was sharp with anxiety. + +I knew better than to keep my part of the story from her. I told her +of Dicky's growing coldness to me, his anxiety to get the train upon +which Miss Draper traveled, the neighborhood gossip, his determination +not to have me meet her sister. I also laid bare the coldness with +which I had treated the girl, and my determination never to say a word +which would lead Dicky to believe I was jealous of her. + +When I had finished Lillian leaned back in her chair and laughed +lightly. + +"Is that all?" she demanded. "I thought you had something really +serious to tell me. If you'll do exactly as I tell you we'll beat this +game hands down." + +"I'll do just as you say," I responded, although it humiliated me to +be put in the position of trying to beat any game, the stake of which +was my husband's affections. + +"Well, then, that is settled," she said, rising. "Now, for the first +gun of the campaign. Call Dicky up, tell him you just lunched with me, +and you are ready to go home any time he is." + +"Oh, I can't do that," I said. "I couldn't bear to feel that he might +prefer to take the train with her." + +Lillian came to my side, gripped my shoulder hard, and looked into my +eyes grimly. + +"See here," she said, "are you going to be a baby or a woman in this +thing?" + +I swallowed hard. I knew she was right. + +"I'll do whatever you wish," I responded meekly. + +So I called Dicky on the telephone, and after explaining my unexpected +presence in town, arranged to meet him at the station and go home with +him. + +"Sounds as if we were going to dine with Friend Husband," said +Lillian, as I hung up the receiver. + +"Yes, we are going home by trolley from Jamaica. It ought to be a +beautiful trip. Dicky must have been thinking of such a trip before, +for he told me there was a train to Jamaica at five minutes of four +which connects with the trolley, and he usually gets mixed on the +schedule of the trains from Marvin." + +"What's that?" Lillian stopped short, then turned the subject. "How +would you like to go down to the station on top of a bus?" she asked, +"or would you prefer a taxi?" + +"The bus by all means," I returned. + +"I see we are kindred souls," she said. "I dote on a bus ride myself." + +We were within a few blocks of the railroad station when she said: + +"I hope I am mistaken, but I think Miss Draper will be a member of +your trolley trip home, and I want you to be prepared to act as if it +were the thing you most desired." + +"If you are right, I will not go," I said, a cold fury at my heart. "I +will take the next train home." + +"You will do no such thing." Lillian's voice was imperative. "You +promised you would let me be your big sister in this thing, and you've +got to let me run it my way!" + +"See here, my dear," her tones were caressing now. "You must use the +weapons of a woman of the world in this situation, not those of an +unsophisticated girl. The primitive woman from the East Side would +waltz in and destroy the beauty of any lady she found philandering, +however innocently, with her spouse. The proud, sensitive, +inexperienced woman would have done just what you have contemplated, +go home alone and ignore the wanderers. But, my dear, you must do +neither of those things. You cannot afford to play in Draper's hand +like that." + +"Tell me what I must do," I said wearily. + +"In a minute. First let me put you right on one question. Dicky is not +in love with this girl yet. If he were, he would not wish any meeting +between you and her. He is interested and attracted, of course, as +any impressionable man with an eye for beauty would be if thrown in +constant companionship with her. And, forgive me, but I am sure you +have taken the wrong tack about it. + +"You must dissemble, act a part, meet her feminine wiles with sharper +weapons. Now you have been cold to her, avoided seeing her when +possible, and while not quarreling with Dicky about her, yet +evidencing your disapproval of her in many little ways." + +"It is quite true," I answered miserably. + +"Then turn over a new leaf right now. You may be sure at this minute +that Dicky is worrying more over your attitude toward this trip than +he is over Miss Draper's dimples. He expects you to have a grouch. +Give him a surprise. Greet the lady smilingly, express your pleasure +at having her companionship on your trip, but manage to register +delicately your surprise at her being one of the party. No, better +leave that part to me. You do the pleasant greeting, I'll put over the +catty stuff. But on your honor, until I see you again, will you put +down your feelings and cultivate Grace Draper, letting your attitude +change slowly, so Dicky will suspect nothing?" + +"I'll try," I said faintly. + +"You'll do it," she returned bluntly. "I want her to be almost a +member of the family by the time I get there." + + * * * * * + +The trip by trolley with my husband and Grace Draper through the +beautiful country lying between Jamaica and Hempstead will always +remain in my memory as a turning point in my ideas of matrimony and +its problems. + +Lillian Underwood's talk with me had destroyed all my previous +conceptions of dignified wifely behavior in the face of a problem like +mine. + +So all during the journey home through the fragrant September air, I +paid as much attention to my role of calm friendliness as any actress +would to a first night appearance. Remembering Lillian's advice to +make the transition gradual from the frigid courtesy of my former +meetings with Grace Draper to the friendly warmth we had planned +for our campaign, I adopted the manner one would use to a casual but +interesting acquaintance. + +I kept the conversational ball rolling on almost every topic under the +sun. But I found that the burden of the talk fell on my shoulders. The +girl was plainly uneasy and puzzled at my manner. Dicky's thoughts +I could not fathom, I caught his eyes fixed on me once or twice with +admiration and a touch of bewilderment in them, but he said very +little. + +It was a wonderful night; warm, with the languor of September, +fragrant with the heavy odors of ripening fruit and the late autumn +blossoms. There was no moon, but the long summer twilight had not +yielded entirely to the darkness and the stars were especially bright. + +A night for lovers, for vows given and returned, it was this, if ever +a night was. What a wonderful journey this would have been for me if +only this other woman was not on the other side of my husband! Then +with savage resentment I realized that she might also be thinking what +possibilities the evening would have held for her if I had not been a +third on the little journey. + +Whatever Dicky was thinking I dared not guess. Whatever it was, I was +sure that his thoughts were not dangerously charged with emotion +as were mine and Grace Draper's. I was fiercely glad of his +irresponsibility for the first time. + +"Come on, girls. Here's Crest Haven. I've got a brilliant idea. We'll +get one of these open flivvers they have at the station and motor to +Marvin luxuriously. Beats waiting for the train all hollow." + +I opened my lips to protest against the extravagance, then closed them +without speaking, flushing hotly at the danger I had escaped. Nothing +would have so embarrassed Dicky and delighted Miss Draper as any +display of financial prudence on my part. + +"Oh, Mr. Graham, how wonderful!" Miss Draper gave the impression of +finding her voice mislaid somewhere about her, and deciding suddenly +to use it. "This is just the night for a motor ride." + +Her voice matched the night, cooing, languorous, seductive. I knew +if she had voiced her real thoughts she would have willed that I +be dropped anywhere by the roadside, so that she might have the +enchanting solitude of the ride with Dicky. + +A daring thought flashed into my brain as we stepped into the taxi. +Why not pretend to play into her hand? It would prove to both Dicky +and her that I was indifferent to their close friendship. And I was +secretly anxious to see what way Dicky would reply to my proposition. + +"Dear," I said with emotion, I fancy just the right note of conjugal +tenderness in my voice. "Won't you drop me at the house first before +you take Miss Draper home? I'm afraid I am getting a headache. I've +had a rather strenuous day with Lillian, you know, and I really am +very tired. You will excuse me, I am sure, Miss Draper. I'll try never +to quit like this again. But my headaches are not to be trifled with." + +"I am so sorry." Her voice was conventional, but I caught the under +note of joy. "Of course I will excuse you." + +"Are you sure the ride over there wouldn't do your head good, Madge?" + +"Oh, no, Dicky, I feel that I must get home quickly. But that does not +need to affect your plans. Katie is at home. I do not need you in the +least. Go right along and enjoy your ride. I only wish I felt like +doing it, too." + +I fairly held my breath the rest of the ride. Dicky had not replied to +my suggestion. What would he do when we reached the house? + +The taxi sped along over the smooth roads, turned up the driveway +at the side of the house and halted before the steps of the veranda. +Dicky sprang out, gave his hand to me, and then turned to the driver. + +"Take this lady to Marvin," he said. "She will tell you the street. +How much do I owe you?" + +"One dollar and a half." + +I knew the charge was excessive, but I also knew enough to hold my +tongue about it. Dicky paid the man and spoke to the girl inside. + +"Good night, Miss Draper. You see you will have to enjoy the ride for +both of us." + +"Oh, Dicky!" I protested, but with a fierce little thrill of triumph +at my heart. "This is a shame. Honestly, I do not need you. Go on over +with Miss Draper." + +"Of course he will do no such thing." The girl spoke with finality. I +could imagine the storm of jealous rage that was swaying her. "There +is nothing else for Mr. Graham to do but to stay with you." Her tone +added, "You have compelled him to do so against his will." + +She leaned from the cab. Her face looked ethereally beautiful in the +faint light. I knew she meant to make Dicky regret that he could not +accompany her. + +"Good night," she said sweetly. "I am so sorry you do not feel well. I +sincerely hope you will be better in the morning." + +But as the taxi rolled away, my heart beating a triumphant +accompaniment to the roll of its wheels, I knew she was wishing me +every malevolent thing possible. + +I was glad she could not guess the bitter taste in my cup of victory. +Long after Dicky was asleep, I lay on my porch bed looking out at the +stars and debating over and over the question: + +"Did Dicky refuse to accompany Grace Draper to her home because of +consideration for me, or because he was afraid to trust himself alone +with her?" + + + + +XXVI + +A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + +"Ah! Mrs. Graham, this is an unexpected pleasure." + +Dr. Pettit's eyes looked down into my own with an expression that +emphasized the words he had just uttered. His outstretched hand +clasped mine warmly, his impressive greeting embarrassed me a bit, and +I turned instinctively toward Dicky to see if he had noticed the young +physician's extraordinarily cordial greeting. + +But this I had no opportunity to discover, for as I turned, a taxi +drew up to the curb where the Underwoods--who had come down to spend +the promised week with us--Dicky and I were waiting for the little +Crest Haven Beach trolley and Dicky sprang to meet Grace Draper and +the Durkees--Alfred Durkee and his mother, who completed our party for +the motor boat trip. + +"I am very glad to see you, Dr. Pettit," I murmured conventionally, +then hurriedly: "Pardon me a moment, I must greet these guests. I will +be back." + +When I turned again to him after welcoming Grace Draper with forced +friendliness, and the Durkees with the real warmth of liking I felt +for them, I found him talking to Lillian. + +Dr. Pettit, it appeared, was waiting for the same car we wished to +take, and no one looking at our friendly chatting group would have +known that he did not belong to the party. + +It was when we were all seated comfortably in the trolley, bowling +merrily along over the grass-strewn track, that Lillian voiced a +suggestion which had sprung into my own mind, but to which I did not +quite know how to give utterance. + +"Look here," she said brusquely, "I'm not the hostess of this party, +but I'm practically one of the family, so I feel free to issue an +invitation if I wish. Dr. Pettit, what's the matter with you joining +our party for the day? Dicky here has been howling for another man to +help lug the grub all morning. Unless you are set on a solitary day +that man 'might as well be you'"--she punctuated the parody with a +mocking little moue. + +I had a sneaking little notion that Dicky would have been glad of the +opportunity to box Lillian's ears for her suggestion. I do not think +he enjoyed the idea of adding Dr. Pettit to the party, but, of course, +in view of what she had said there was nothing for him to do but to +pretend a cordial acquiescence in her suggestion. + +"That's the very thing," he said, with a heartiness which only I, and +possibly Lillian, could dream was assumed. "Lil, you do occasionally +have a gleam of human intelligence, don't you? + +"I do hope that you have no plan that will interfere with coming with +us," he said to the physician. "We have a big boat chartered down here +at the beach, and we're going to loaf along out to one of the 'desert +islands' and camp for the day." + +"That sounds like a most interesting program," said the young +physician. His voice held a note of hesitation, and he looked swiftly, +inquiringly, at me and back again. It was so carelessly done that I do +not think any one noticed it, but I realized that he was waiting for +me to join my voice to the invitation. + +"Well, Dr. Pettit," Dicky came up at this juncture, "out for the day?" + +His tone was cordial enough, but I, who knew every inflection of +Dicky's voice, realized that he did not relish the appearance of Dr. +Pettit upon the scene. + +"Yes, I'm going down to the shore for a dip," the young physician +returned. And then without the stiff dignity which I had seen in his +professional manner, he acknowledged the introductions which I gave +him to Grace Draper and the Durkees. + +"I trust you will think it interesting enough to make it worth +your while to join us," I said demurely, lifting my eyes to his and +catching a swift flash of something which might be either relief or +triumph in his steely gray ones. + +"Indeed, I shall be very glad to accompany you," he said, smiling. + +Our boat, a large, comfortable one, built on lines of usefulness, +rather than beauty, slipped over the dancing blue waters of the bay +like an enchanted thing. A neat striped awning was stretched over the +rear of the boat beneath which we lounged at ease. + +The boat sped on as lazily as our idle conversation, and finally we +came in sight of a gleaming beach of sand, with seaweed so luxuriantly +tangled that it looked like small clumps of bushes, with the calm, +still water of the bay on one side, and the lazily rolling surf on the +other. + +"Behold our desert island!" Dicky exclaimed dramatically, springing to +his feet. + +Jim ran the boat skilfully up on the beach and grounded her. Harry +Underwood stepped forward to assist me ashore, but Dr. Pettit, with +unobtrusive quickness, was before him. + +As I laid my hand in that of the young physician, Harry Underwood gave +a hoarse stage laugh. "I told you so," he croaked maliciously; "I knew +I had a rival on my hands." + +As Harry Underwood uttered his jibing little speech, Dicky raised his +head and looked fixedly at me. It was an amazed, questioning look, one +that had in it something of the bewilderment of a child. In another +instant he had turned away to answer a question of Grace Draper's. + +I felt my heart beating madly. Was Dicky really taking notice of the +attentions which Harry Underwood and Dr. Pettit were bestowing upon +me? I had not time to ponder long, however, for Lillian Underwood +seized my arm almost as soon as we stepped on shore and walked me away +until we were out of earshot of the others. + +"Did you see Dicky's face," she demanded breathlessly, "when Harry and +that lovely doctor of yours were doing the rival gallant act? It was +perfectly lovely to see his lordship so puzzled. That doctor friend of +yours was certainly sent by Providence just at this time. Just keep up +a judicious little flirtation with him and I'll wager that before +the week's out Dicky will have forgotten such a girl as Grace Draper +exists." + +If it had not been for the memory of Lillian's advice ringing in +my ears, I think I should have much astonished Dr. Pettit and Harry +Underwood when they started into the surf with me. + +The whole situation was most annoying to me. And, besides, it was +so unutterably silly! I might have been any foolish school girl of +seventeen, with a couple of immature youths vying for my smiles, for +any reserve or dignity there was in the situation. + +My fingers itched to astonish each of the smirking men with a sound +box on the ear. But my fiercest anger was against Dicky. If he had +been properly attentive to me, Mr. Underwood and Dr. Pettit would have +had no opportunity, indeed would not have dared, to pay me the idiotic +compliments, or to offer the silly attentions they had given me. + +But Dicky and Grace Draper were romping in the surf, like two +children, splashing water over each other, and running hand in hand +toward the place far out on the sand--for it was low tide--where they +could swim. + +They might have been alone on the beach for anything their appearance +showed to the contrary. And yet as I gazed I saw Dicky look past the +girl in my direction, with a quick, furtive, watching glance. + +As they went farther into the surf, he sent another glance over his +shoulder toward me. + +As I caught it, guessing that in all his apparent interest in Grace +Draper he was yet watching me and my behavior, something seemed to +snap in my brain. + +I would give him something to watch! + +With a swift movement I slipped a little bit away from the two men by +my side, and, filling my hands with water, splashed it full into the +face of Harry Underwood. + +"Dare you to play blind man's buff," I said gayly, sending another +handful into Dr. Pettit's face, and then slipping adroitly to one side +I laughed with, I fancy, as much mischief as any hoyden of sixteen +could have put into her voice, at the picture the men made trying to +get the salt water out of their eyes. + +I had no compunctions on the score of their discomfort, for I felt +that I had a score to settle with each of them. The way in which each +took my rudeness, however, was characteristic of the men. + +Harry Underwood's face grew black for a minute, then it cleared and he +laughed boisterously. + +"You little devil," he said, "I'll pay you for that. Ever get kissed +under water? Well, that's what will happen to you before this day is +over." + +Dr. Pettit's face did not change, but into his gray eyes came a +little steely glint. He said nothing, only smiled at me. But there was +something about both smile and eyes that made me more uncomfortable +than Harry Underwood's bizarre threat. + +I was so unskilled in this game of banter and flirtation that I was at +a loss what to say. Recklessly I grasped at the first thing which came +into my mind. + +"You'll have to catch me first," I said, daringly, and turning, ran +swiftly out toward the open sea. I am only a fair swimmer, but the sea +was unusually calm, so that I went much farther than I otherwise would +have dared. + +When I found the water getting too deep for walking I started +swimming. As I swam I looked over my shoulder. The two men were +following me, both swimming easily. Dr. Pettit was in the lead, but +Harry Underwood, with powerful strokes, was not far behind him. I +concluded that Dr. Pettit had been the swifter runner, but that the +other man was the better swimmer. + +As I saw them coming toward me, I realized that I had given them a +challenge which each in his own way would probably take up. I was +dismayed. I felt that I could not bear the touch of either man's hand. + +In another moment my punishment had come. + +Dr. Pettit overtook me, stretched out his hand, just touched me with +a caressing, protecting little gesture, and said in a low tone, "Don't +be afraid, little girl: If you will accord me the privilege, I will +see that your friend does not get a chance of fulfilling his threat." + +I knew that he intended his words for my ear alone, but he had not +counted on Harry Underwood's quick ear. That gentleman swam lazily +toward us, saying as he passed us, with a malicious little grin: + +"Better go slow upon that protecting-heroine-from-villain stunt. I see +Friend Husband is getting a bit restless." + +He forged on into the surf, with long, powerful strokes that yet had +the curious appearance of indolence which invests every action of his. + +Startled at his words, I looked toward the place where I had last seen +Dicky romping in the waves with Grace Draper. + +The girl was swimming by herself. Dicky, with rapid strokes, was +coming toward us. + +"For the love of heaven, Madge!" he said, angrily, as he came up to +us. "Haven't you any more sense than to come away out here? This sea +is calm, but it is treacherous, and you are farther out than you have +ever gone before. Come back with me this minute." + +The sight of Grace Draper swimming by herself gave me an inspiration. +The game which Lillian had advised me to play was certainly +succeeding. I would keep it up. + +"Have you taken leave of your senses?" I demanded, assuming an +indignation I did not feel. "Dr. Pettit was saying nothing to me that +could possibly interest you." I felt a little twinge of conscience at +the fib, but I had too much at stake to hesitate over a quibble. "As +for casting sheep's eyes, as you so elegantly express it, you've been +doing so much of it yourself that I suppose it is natural for you to +accuse other people of it." + +"Now what do you mean by that?" Dicky demanded, staring at me with +such an innocent air that I could have laughed if I had not been +thoroughly angry at his silly attempt to misunderstand me. + +"Don't be silly, Dicky," I said, pettishly; "I can swim perfectly +well out here and even if anything should happen, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood are surely good swimmers enough to take care of me." I could +not resist putting that last little barbed arrow into my quiver, for +Dicky, while a good swimmer, even I could see, was not as skillful as +either Mr. Underwood or Dr. Pettit. + +Dicky waited a long moment before answering, then he spoke tensely, +sternly: + +"Madge, answer me, are you coming back with me now, or are you not?" + +The tone in which he put the question was one which I could not brook, +even at the risk of seriously offending Dicky. An angry refusal was +upon my lips when Harry Underwood's voice saved me the necessity of a +reply. + +"There, there, Dicky-bird, keep your bathing suit on," he admonished, +roughly; "of course, she'll go back, we'll all go back, a regular +triumphal procession with beautiful heroine escorted by watchful +husband, treacherous villain and faithful friend." He grinned at Dr. +Pettit, and we all swam back to shallower water, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood gradually edging off some distance away from Dicky and me. + +I could not help smiling at the ludicrous aspect we must have +presented. Dicky must have been watching me narrowly, for he suddenly +growled: + +"To the devil with Grace Draper!" Dicky cried, and his voice was +louder, carried farther than he realized. "I'm not bothering about +her. She's getting on my nerves anyway; but you happen to be my wife, +and what you do is my concern, don't you forget that, my lady." + + + + +XXVII + +"HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + +Dicky and I had been so engrossed in our quarrel that we had not +noticed our proximity to Grace Draper. Whether she had purposely +approached us or not, I could not tell. At any rate, when, after +Dicky's outburst of jealous anger against Dr. Pettit and my retort +concerning his model, he had cried out loudly, "To the devil with +Grace Draper! I'm not bothering about her. She's getting on my nerves +anyway," I heard a choking little gasp from behind me, and, turning +swiftly, saw the girl standing quite near to us. + +Except when excited, Grace Draper never has any color, but the usual +clear pallor of her face had changed to a grayish whiteness. I had +reason enough to hate the girl, I had schemed with Lillian to save +Dicky from her influence, but in that moment, as I gazed at her, I +felt nothing but deep pity for her. + +For all the poise and pretence of the girl was stripped from her. She +was a ghastly, pitiable sight, as she stood there, her big eyes fixed +on Dicky, her breath coming unevenly in shuddering gasps. + +Then she glanced at me and her eyes held mine for a moment, +fascinated; then, with a little shrug of her shoulders, she turned +away, and I knew that the danger of Dicky's realizing her agitation +was passed. + +"What are you looking at so earnestly?" Dicky demanded. + +Without waiting for an answer, he turned swiftly, following my gaze, +and catching sight of the retreating back of Grace Draper. + +"Good Lord!" he gasped in consternation. "Do you suppose she heard +what I said?" + +"Oh, I'm sure she didn't," I replied mendaciously. + +Dicky looked at me curiously. Whether he believed me or not I do not +know. At any rate, he did not press the question. + +Neither did he again refer to Dr. Pettit, to my sincere relief. + +We made a merry picnic of our impromptu luncheon, and after it, +when we were dried by the sun, we spent a comfortable lazy two hours +lounging on the beach. + +If I had not seen Grace Draper's blanched face and the terrible look +in her eyes when she had heard Dicky's exclamation of indifference +toward her, I would not have dreamed that her heart held any other +emotion except that of happy enjoyment of the day. She laughed and +chatted as if she had not a care in the world, directing much of her +conversation to me. It crossed my mind that for some reason of her +own she was trying to make it appear to every one that we were on +especially friendly terms. + +It was after one of Dicky's periodical trips to Jim's fire, which +Harry Underwood did not allow him to forget, and his report that the +dinner would be shortly forthcoming, that Grace Draper rose and said +carelessly: "Suppose we all have another dip before dinner; there +won't be time before we leave for a swim afterward, and the water is +too fine to miss going in once more. What do you say, Mrs. Graham? +Will you race me?" + +I saw Lillian's quick little gesture of dissuasion, and through me +there crept an indefinable shrinking from going with the girl, but the +men were already chasing each other through the shallow water, and I +did not wish to humiliate my guest by refusing to go with her. + +"It can hardly be called a race," I answered quietly, "for you swim so +much better than I, but I will do my best." + +I followed her into the water with every appearance of enjoyment, and +exerted every ounce of my strength to try to keep up with her rush +through the waves. + +I knew she was not exerting her full strength, for she is a +magnificent swimmer, but I found that I had all I could do to keep +pace with her. She seemed to be bent on showing off her skill to me, +or else she was, trying to test my nerves by teasing me. + +I knew that she was able to swim under the water when she chose, but +that did not accustom me to the frequent sudden disappearances which +she made, or to her equally sudden reappearances above the surface of +the water. + +She would dash on ahead of me a few yards, then her head would +disappear beneath the waves. The next thing I knew she would bob up +almost at my side. There was a fascination about this skill of hers +which gripped me. I was so engrossed in watching her that I did not +realize how far out we had gone until at one of her quick turns, I, +following her, caught a glimpse of the beach. + +To my overwrought imagination it seemed miles away. I suddenly felt an +overwhelming terror of the cloudless sky, the rolling waves, even of +the girl who had brought me out so far. + +I looked wildly around for her, but could not see her anywhere. +Evidently she was indulging in one of her underwater tricks. I turned +blindly toward the shore. As I did so I felt a sudden jerk, a quick +clutch at my foot, a clutch that dragged me down relentlessly. + +I remembered gasping, struggling, fighting for life, with an awful +sensation of being sunk in a gulf of blackness. I fancied I heard +Lillian Underwood's voice in a piercing scream. Then I knew nothing +more. + +The next thing I remember was a voice. "There, she's coming out of it. +Let me have that brandy," and then I felt a spoon inserted between my +teeth and something fiery trickled gently drop by drop in my throat. +The voice was that of Dr. Pettit. + +With a gasp as the pungent liquid almost strangled me, I opened my +eyes to find that the physician's arm was supporting my shoulder and +his hand holding the spoon to my lips. + +"Oh, thank God, thank God," some one groaned brokenly on the other +side of me, and I turned my eyes to meet Dicky's face bent close to +mine and working with emotion. + +"She is all right now," the physician said, reassuringly. "She will +suffer far more from the shock than from any real damage by her +immersion. Get her into the tent." He turned to Mrs. Underwood and +said: "Rub her down hard, and if there are any extra wraps in the +party put them around her. Give her a stiff little dose of this." He +handed Lillian the brandy flask. "Then bring her out into the sunshine +again. She'll be all right in a little while." + +Dicky picked me up in his arms as the physician spoke, as if I had +been a child, and strode with me toward the improvised tent Dr. Pettit +had indicated. + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart, suppose I had lost you," he said brokenly, +and then, manlike, reproachfully even in the intensity of his emotion: +"What possessed you to go out so far? If it hadn't been for Grace +Draper being on hand when you went down, you would never have come +back. Harry and I were too far away when Lil screamed to be of any +use. But by the time we got there Miss Draper had you by the hair and +was towing you in." + +My brain was too dazed to comprehend much of what Dicky was saying, +but one remark smote on my brain like a sledge hammer. + +Grace Draper had saved my life! Why, if I had any memory left at all, +Grace Draper had-- + +Lillian came forward swiftly and placed a restraining finger on my +lips. + +"You mustn't talk yet," she admonished; then to Dicky, "Run away now, +Dicky-bird, and give Mrs. Durkee and me a chance to take care of her." +Little Mrs. Durkee's sweet, anxious face was close to Lillian's. "Yes, +Dicky," she echoed, "hurry out now." + +Dicky waited long enough to kiss me, a long, lingering, tender kiss +that did more to revive me than the brandy, and then went obediently +away while Mrs. Durkee and Lillian ministered to me as only tender and +efficient women can. + +When I was nearly dressed again, Lillian turned to Mrs. Durkee: "Would +you mind getting a cup of coffee for this girl?" she asked. "I know +Jim and Katie have some in preparation out there." + +"Of course," Mrs. Durkee returned, and fluttered away. + +She had no sooner gone than Lillian gathered me in her arms with +a protecting, maternal gesture, as if I had been her own daughter +restored to her. + +"Quick," she demanded fiercely, "tell me just what happened out there +when you went under. Did you get a cramp or what?" + +I waited a moment before answering. The suspicion that had come to my +brain was so horrible that I did not wish to utter it even to Lillian. + +"I think it must have been the undertow," I said feebly. "I felt +something like a clutch at my feet dragging me down." + +Lillian's face hardened. Into her eyes came a revengeful gleam. + +"Undertow!" she ejaculated, "you poor baby! Your undertow was that +Draper devil's calculating hand!" + +I stared at Lillian, horrified. + +"But Lillian," I protested, faintly, "how is it that they all say she +saved my life? If she really tried to drown me why didn't she let me +go?" + +"Got cold feet," returned Lillian, laconically. "You see she isn't +naturally evil enough deliberately to plan to kill you. I give her +credit for that with all her devilishness, but something happened +today between her and Dicky. I don't know what it was that drove her +nearly frantic. I saw her look at you two or three times in a way that +chilled my blood. I didn't like the idea of your going out there with +her, but I didn't see any way of stopping you. + +"Now, there's one thing I want you to promise me," she went on, +hurriedly. "Although I know you well enough to know it's something you +would do anyway without a promise. I don't want you to hint to anyone, +even Dicky, what you know of the Draper's attempt to put you out of +commission. It's the chance I've been looking for, the winning card I +needed so badly. I won't need to stay a week with you, my dear, as I +thought when I first planned my little campaign to get Dicky out of +the Draper's clutches. I can go home tonight if I wish to, with my +mission accomplished." + +"Why, what do you mean?" I asked. + +"Just this," retorted Lillian, "that I'm going to spring the nicest +little case of polite blackmail on Grace Draper before the day is over +that you ever saw. + +"I shall need you when I do it, so be prepared, although you won't +need to say anything. + +"But here comes Mrs. Durkee with the coffee. Do you think, after you +drink it, you'll feel strong enough to have me tackle Grace Draper?" + +I shivered inwardly, but bent my head in assent. Lillian had proved +too good a friend of mine for me to go against her wishes in anything. + +After I had drunk the steaming coffee, with Mrs. Durkee looking on in +smiling approval, Lillian made another request of the cheery little +woman. + +"Would you mind asking Miss Draper to come here a moment?" she said +quietly. "Mrs. Graham wants to thank her, and then do hunt up that +husband of mine and tell him to rig up some sort of couch for Mrs. +Graham, so she can lie down while we have our dinner. We can all take +turns feeding her." + +As Mrs. Durkee hurried out, eager to help in any way possible, Lillian +turned to me grimly. + +"That will keep her out of the way while we have our seance with the +Draper. Now brace up, my dear; just nod or shake your head when I give +you the cue." + +It seemed hours, although in reality it was only a moment or two +before Grace Draper parted the improvised sail curtains and stood +before us. I think she knew something of what we wished, for her face +held the grayish whiteness that had been there when she heard Dicky's +impatient words concerning her. But her head was held high, her eyes +were unflinching as she faced us. + +"Miss Draper," Lillian began, her voice low and controlled, but deadly +in its icy grimness, "we won't detain you but a moment, for we are +going to get right down to brass tacks. + +"I know exactly what happened out there in the surf a little while +ago. I was watching from the shore, and saw enough to make me +suspicious, and what I have learned from Mrs. Graham has confirmed my +suspicions." She glanced toward me. + +"You felt a hand clutch your foot and then drag you down, did you not, +Madge?" + +I nodded weakly, conscious only of the terrible burning eyes of Miss +Draper fixed upon me. + +"It is a lie," Miss Draper began, fiercely, but Lillian held up her +hand in a gesture that appeared to cow the girl. + +"Don't trouble either to deny or affirm it," she said icily. "There is +but one thing I wish to hear from your lips; it is the answer to this +question: Will you take the offer Mr. Underwood made you, to get you +that theatrical engagement, and, having done this, will you keep out +of Dicky Graham's way for every day of your life hereafter? I don't +mind telling you that if you do this I shall keep my mouth closed +about this thing; if you do not, I shall call the rest of the party +here now and tell them what I know." + +"Mr. Graham will not believe you," the girl said through stiff lips. +Her attitude was like the final turning of an animal at bay. + +"Don't fool yourself," Lillian retorted caustically. "I am Mr. +Graham's oldest friend. He would believe me almost more quickly than +he would his wife, for he might think that his wife was prejudiced +against you. + +"I am not a patient woman, Miss Draper. Don't try me too far. Take +this offer, or take the consequences." + +The girl stood with bent head for a long minute, as Lillian flared +out her ultimatum, then she lifted it and looked steadily into Mrs. +Underwood's eyes. + +"Remember, I admit nothing," she said defiantly, "but, of course, I +accept your offer. There is nothing else for me to do in the face of +the very ingenious story which you two have concocted between you." + +She turned and walked steadily out of the tent. + +Her words, the blaze in her eyes, the very motion of her body, was +magnificently insolent. + +"She's a wonder!" Lillian admitted, drawing a deep breath, as the girl +vanished. "I didn't think she had bravado enough to bluff it out like +that." + +"And now my dear," Lillian spoke briskly, "just lean your head against +my shoulder, shut your eyes, and try to rest for a little; I know that +sand with a rain coat covering doesn't make the most comfortable couch +in the world, but I think I can hold you so that you may be able to +take a tiny nap." + +What Dicky surmised concerning the events of the afternoon, I do not +know. He must have known that the girl was madly in love with him. +Something had happened to put an end to the infatuation into which he +had been slipping so rapidly. + +Had he become tired of the girl's open pursuit of him? Had he guessed +to what lengths her desperation had driven her? Had the shock of my +narrow escape from drowning startled him into a fresh realization of +his love for me? + +I felt too weak even to guess the solution of the riddle. All I wanted +to do was to nestle close to Dicky's side, to be taken care of and +petted like a baby. + +The ride home through the sunset was a quiet one. To me it was one of +the happiest hours of my life. + +Dicky, fussing over me as if I were a fragile piece of china, sat in +the most sheltered corner of the boat, and held me securely against +him, protecting me with his arm from any sudden lurch or jolt the boat +might give. + +Seemingly by a tacit agreement, the others of the party left us to +ourselves. They talked in subdued tones, apparently unwilling to spoil +the wonderful beauty of the twilight ride home with much conversation. + +When the boat landed, Harry Underwood, at Dicky's suggestion, +telephoned for taxis to meet the little trolley, upon which we +journeyed from the beach to Crest Haven. One of these bore the Durkees +and Grace Draper to their homes; the other was to carry Harry and +Lillian, with Dicky and me, to the old Brennan house. + +Dr. Pettit, who was to take a train back to the city, came up to us +after we were seated in the taxi: + +"I would advise that you go directly to bed, Mrs. Graham," he said, +with his most professional air. "You have had an unusual shock, and +rest is the one imperative thing." + +I felt that common courtesy demanded that I extend an invitation to +the physician to call at our home when next he came to Marvin, but +fear of Dicky's possible displeasure tied my tongue. I could not do +anything to jeopardize the happiness so newly restored to me. + +To my great surprise, however, Dicky impulsively extended his hand and +smiled upon the young physician: + +"Thanks ever so much, old man," he said cordially, "for the way you +pulled the little lady through this afternoon. Don't forget to come to +see us when next you're in Marvin." + +I was tucked safely into Dicky's bed, which he insisted on my sharing, +saying that he could take care of me better there than in my own room, +when he gave me the explanation of his cordiality. + +"I'm not particularly stuck on that doctor chap," he said, tucking +the coverlet about me with awkward tenderness, "but I'm so thankful +tonight I just can't be sour on anybody." + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart!" He put his cheek to mine. "To think how +nearly I lost you!" And my heart echoed the exclamation could not +speak aloud: + +"Ah! Dicky, to think how nearly I lost YOU." + + + + +XXVIII + +A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + +"How many more trains are there tonight?" + +Lillian Underwood's voice was sharp with anxiety. My voice reflected +worry, as I answered her query. + +"Two, one at 12:30, and the last, until morning, 2 o'clock." + +"Well, I suppose we might as well lie down and get some sleep. They +probably will be out on the last train." + +"You don't suppose," I began, then stopped. + +"That they've slipped off the water wagon?" Lillian returned grimly. +"That's just what I'm afraid of. We will know in a little while, +anyway. Harry will begin to telephone me, and keep it up until he gets +too lazy to remember the number. Come on, let's get off these clothes +and get into comfortable negligees. We probably shall have a long +night of worry before us." + +I obeyed her suggestion, but I was wild with an anxiety which Lillian +did not suspect. My question, which she had finished for me, had not +meant what she had thought at all. In fact, until she spoke of it, +that possibility had not occurred to me. + +It was a far different fear that was gripping me. I was afraid that +Grace Draper had failed to keep the bargain she had made with Lillian +to keep out of Dicky's way, in return for Lillian's silence concerning +the Draper girl's mad attempt to drown me during our "desert island +picnic." + +Whether or not my narrow escape from death had brought Dicky to a +realization of what we meant to each other, I could not tell. At any +rate, he never had been more my royal lover than in the five days +since my accident. Indeed, since that day he had made but one trip to +the city beside this with Harry Underwood, the return from which we +were so anxiously awaiting. When the men left in the morning they had +told us not to plan dinner at home, but to be ready to accompany them +to a nearby resort for a "shore dinner," as they were coming out on +the 5 o'clock train. No wonder that at 10:30 Lillian and I were both +anxious and irritated. + +Dicky's behavior toward me, since death so nearly gripped me, +certainly had given me no reason to doubt that his infatuation +for Grace Draper was at an end. But no one except myself knew how +apparently strong her hold had been on Dicky through the weeks of the +late summer, nor how ruthless her own mad passion for him was. Had she +reconsidered her bargain? Was she making one last attempt to regain +her hold upon Dicky? + +The telephone suddenly rang out its insistent summons. I ran to it, +but Lillian brushed past me and took the receiver from my trembling +hand. + +I sank down on the stairs and clutched the stair rail tightly with +both hands to keep from falling. + +"Yes, yes, this is Lil, Harry. What's the matter? + +"Seriously? + +"Where are you? + +"Yes, we were coming, anyway. Yes, we'll bring Miss Draper's sister. +Don't bother to meet us. We'll take a taxi straight from the station." + +Staggering with terror, I caught her hand, and prevented her putting +the receiver back on its hook. + +"Is Dicky dead?" I demanded. + +"No, no, child," she said soothingly. + +"I don't believe it," I cried, maddened at my own fear. "Call him to +the 'phone. Let me hear his voice myself, then I'll believe you." + +She took the receiver out of my grip, put it back upon the hook, +and grasped my hands firmly, holding them as she would those of a +hysterical child. + +"See here, Madge," she said sternly, "Dicky is very much alive, but he +is hurt slightly and needs you. We have barely time to get Mrs. Gorman +and that train. Hurry and get ready." + + * * * * * + +Dicky's eager eyes looked up from his white face into mine. His voice, +weak, but thrilling with the old love note, repeated my name over and +over, as if he could not say it enough. + +I sank on my knees beside the bed in which Dicky lay. I realized in a +hazy sort of fashion that the room must be Harry Underwood's own bed +chamber, but I spent no time in conjecture. All my being was fused in +the one joyous certainty that Dicky was alive and in my arms, and +that I had been assured he would get well. I laid my face against +his cheek, shifted my arms so that no weight should rest against his +bandaged left shoulder, which, at my first glimpse of it, had caused +me to shudder involuntarily. + +"If you only knew how awful I felt about this," Dicky murmured, +contritely, and, as I raised my eyes to look at him, his own +contracted as with pain. + +"It's a fine mess I've brought you into by my carelessness this +summer, but I swear I didn't dream--" + +I laid my hand on his lips. + +"Don't, sweetheart," I pleaded. "It is enough for me to know that you +are safe in my arms. Nothing else in the world matters. Just rest and +get well for me." + +He kissed the hand against his lips, then reached up the unbandaged +arm, and with gentle fingers pulled mine away. + +"But there is one thing I must talk about," he said solemnly, +"something you must do for me, Madge, for I cannot get up from here +to see to it. It's a hard thing to ask you to do, but you are so brave +and true, I know you will understand. Tell me, is that poor girl going +to die?" + +"I--I don't know, Dicky," I faltered, salving my conscience with +the thought that he must not be excited with the knowledge of Grace +Draper's true condition. + +"Poor girl," he sighed. "I never dreamed she looked at things in the +light she did, but I feel guilty anyhow, responsible. She must have +the best of care, Madge, best physicians, best nurses, everything. I +must meet all expenses, even to the ones which will be necessary if +she should die." + +He brought out the last words fearfully. Little drops of moisture +stood on his forehead. I saw that the shock of the girl's terrible act +had unnerved him. + +Nerving myself to be as practical and matter-of-fact as possible, I +wiped the moisture from his brow with my handkerchief and patted his +cheek soothingly. + +"I will attend to everything," I promised, "just as if you were able +to see to it. But you must do something for me in return; you must +promise not to talk any more and try and go to sleep." + +"My own precious girl," he sighed, happily, and then drowsily-- + +"Kiss me!" + +I pressed my lips to his. His eyes closed, and with his hand clinging +tightly to mine, he slept. + +How long I knelt there I do not know. No one came near the room, but +through the closed door I could hear the hushed hurry and movement +which marks a desperate fight between life and death. + +I felt numbed, bewildered. I tried to visualize what was happening +outside the room, but I could not. I felt as if Dicky and I had come +through some terrible shipwreck together and had been cast up on this +friendly piece of shore. + +I knew that later I would have to face my own soul in a rigid +inquisition as to how far I had been to blame for this tragedy. I had +been married less than a year, and yet my husband was involved in a +horrible complication like this. + +But my brain was too exhausted to follow that line of thought. I was +content to rest quietly on my knees by the side of Dicky's bed, with +his hand in mine and my eyes fixed on his white face with the long +lashes shadowing it. + +At first I was perfectly comfortable, then after a while little +tingling pains began to run through my back and limbs. + +I dared not change my position for fear of disturbing Dicky, so I +set my teeth and endured the discomfort. The sharpness of the pain +gradually wore away as the minutes went by, and was succeeded by a +distressing feeling of numbness extending all over my body. + +Just as I was beginning to feel that the numbness must soon extend to +my brain, the door opened and some one came quietly in. + +My back was to the door, and so careful were the footsteps crossing +the room that I could not tell who the newcomer was until I felt a +firm hand gently unclasping my nervous fingers from Dicky's. Then I +looked up into the solicitous face of Dr. Pettit. + +"How is it that you have been left alone here so long?" he inquired +indignantly, yet keeping his voice to the professional low pitch of a +sick room. He put his strong, firm hands under my elbows, raised me to +my feet and supported me to a chair, for my feet were like pieces of +wood. I could hardly lift them. + +"How long have you been kneeling there?" he demanded. "You would have +fainted away if you had stayed there much longer." + +"I do not know," I replied faintly, "but it doesn't matter. Tell me, +is my husband all right, and how badly is he hurt?" + +"He is not hurt seriously at all," the physician replied. "The bullet +went through the fleshy part of his left arm. It was a clean wound, +and he will be around again in no time." + +He walked to Dicky's bed, bent over him, listened to his breathing, +straightened, and came back to me. + +"He is doing splendidly," he said, "but you are not. You are on the +point of collapse from what you have undergone tonight. You must lie +down at once. If there is no one else to take care of you, I must do +it." + +I felt as if I could not bear to answer him, even to raise my eyes +to meet his. I do not know how long the intense silence would have +continued. Just as I felt that I could not bear the situation any +longer, Lillian Underwood came into the room, bringing with her, as +she always does, an atmosphere of cheerful sanity. + +"What is the matter?" she asked. Her tone was low and guarded, but in +it there was a note of alarm, and the same anxiety shown from her eyes +as she came swiftly toward me. + +"Mrs. Graham is in danger of a nervous collapse if she does not have +rest and quiet soon," Dr. Pettit returned gravely. "Will you see that +she is put to bed at once? Mr. Graham will do very well for a while +alone, although when you have made Mrs. Graham comfortable, I wish you +would come back and sit with him." + +Lillian put her strong arms around me and led me through the door into +the outer hall. + +"But who is with Miss Draper?" I protested faintly, as we started down +the stairs toward the first floor. + +"Her sister and one of the best trained nurses in the city," Lillian +responded. "Besides, Dr. Pettit will go immediately back to her room." + +"But Dicky, there is no one with Dicky," I said, struggling feebly in +an attempt to go back up the stairs again. + +"Don't be childish, Madge." The words, the tone, were impatient, +the first I had ever heard from Lillian toward me. But I mentally +acknowledged their justice and braced myself to be more sensible, as +she guided me to her room, and helped me into bed. + +I found her sitting by my bedside when I opened my eyes. Through the +lowered curtains I caught a ray of sunlight, and knew that it was +broad day. + +"Dicky?" I asked wildly, staring up from my pillows. + +Lillian put me back again with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," she said gently. "Dicky is fine, and when you have eaten +the breakfast Betty has prepared and which Katie is bringing you, you +may go upstairs and take care of him all day." + +"But it is daylight," I protested. "I must have slept all night. And +you? Have you slept at all?" + +"Don't bother about me," she returned lightly. "I shall have a good +long nap as soon as you are ready to take care of Dicky." + +"But I meant to sleep only two or three hours. I don't see how I ever +could have slept straight through the night." + +I really felt near to tears with chagrin that I should have left Dicky +to the care of any one else while I soundly slept the night through. + +Lillian looked at me keenly, then smiled. + +"Can't you guess?" she asked significantly. + +"You mean you put something in the mulled wine to make me sleep?" + +"Of course. You have been through enough for any one woman. Dicky was +in no danger, and I had no desire to have you ill on my hands." + +I flushed a bit resentfully. I was not quite sure that I liked her +high-handed way of disposing of me as if I were a child. Then as I +felt her keen eyes upon me I knew that she was reading my thoughts, +and I felt mightily ashamed of my childish petulance. + +"You must forgive my arbitrary way of doing things," she resumed, a +bit formally. + +I put out my hand pleadingly. "Don't, Lillian," I said earnestly. +"I'll be good, and I do thank you. You know that, don't you?" + +Her face cleared. "Of course, goosie," she answered. "But I must help +you dress. Your breakfast will be here in a moment." + +I sprang out of bed before she could prevent me, and gave her a +regular "bear hug." + +"Help me dress!" I exclaimed indignantly. "Indeed, you will do no +such thing. I feel as strong as ever, and I am going to put you to bed +before I go to Dicky. But tell me, how is--" + +She spared me from speaking the name I so dreaded. + +"Miss Draper is no worse. Indeed, Dr. Pettit thinks she has rallied +slightly this morning. She is resting easily now, has been since about +3 o'clock, when Dr. Pettit went home." + +I was hurrying into my clothes as she talked. "Have you found out yet +how it happened?" I asked. + +"I know what Harry does," she answered. "He says that yesterday the +girl appeared as calm, even cheerful, as ever, went with him to the +manager's office, performed her dancing stunt as cleverly as she did +the other night, and in response to the very good offer the manager +made her, asked for a day to consider it. As she was leaving the +office, she asked Harry if Dicky were in his studio, saying she had +left there something she prized highly and would like to get it. +Something in the way she said it made Harry suspicious. Of course, +I had told him confidentially of her attempt to drown you, so he +remarked nonchalantly that he was also going to the studio. He said +she seemed nonplussed for a moment, then coolly accepted his escort. + +"They went to the studio, and Harry stuck close to Dicky, never +permitting the Draper girl to be alone with him for a minute. After a +few moments she bade them a commonplace goodby and left, but she must +have stayed near by and cleverly shadowed them when they left. + +"At any rate, she appeared at the door of our house shortly after +Harry and Dicky had entered--Harry wanted to get some things +before coming out to Marvin again--and asked Betty to see Dicky. +Unfortunately, Harry was in his rooms and did not hear the request, +so that Dicky went into the little sitting room off the hall with her, +and Betty says the girl herself closed the door. What was said no one +knows but Dicky and the girl. + +"Harry heard a shot, rushed downstairs, and found Dicky, with the +blood flowing from his arm, struggling with the girl in an attempt +to keep her from firing another shot. Harry took the revolver away, +unloaded and pocketed it, and could have prevented any further tragedy +only for Dicky's growing faint from loss of blood. + +"Harry turned his attention to Dicky, and the girl picked up a +stiletto, which Harry uses for a paper cutter--you know he has the +house filled with all sorts of curios from all over the world--and +drove it into her left breast. She aimed for her heart, of course, and +she almost turned the trick. I imagine she has a pretty good chance of +pulling through if infection doesn't develop. The stiletto hadn't been +used for some time, and there were several small rust spots on it. But +here comes your breakfast." + +Her voice had been absolutely emotionless as she told me the story. As +she busied herself with setting out attractively on a small table the +delicious breakfast Katie had brought, I had a queer idea that if it +were not for the publicity that would inevitably follow, Lillian would +not very much regret the ultimate success of Grace Draper's attempt at +self-destruction. + + + + +XXIX + +"BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + +I do not believe that ever in my life can I again have an experience +so horrible as that which followed the development of infection in the +dagger wound which Grace Draper had inflicted upon herself after her +unsuccessful attempt to shoot Dicky. + +Against the combined protest of Dicky and Lillian, I shared the care +of the girl with the trained nurse whom Lillian's forethought had +provided and Dicky's money had paid for. + +The reason for my presence at her bedside was a curious one. + +At the close of the third day following the girl's attempt at murder +and self-destruction, Lillian came to the door of the room where I was +reading to Dicky, who was now almost recovered, and called me out into +the hall. + +"Madge," she said abruptly, "that poor girl in there has been calling +for you for an hour. We tried every way we could think of to quiet +her, but nothing else would do. She must see you. I imagine she has +made up her mind she's going to die and wants to ask your forgiveness +or something of that sort." + +"I will go to her at once," I said quietly. As I moved toward the door +my knees trembled so I could hardly walk. + +Lillian came up to me quickly and put her strong arm around me. + +We went down the hall to a wonderful room of ivory and gold, which I +knew must be Lillian's guest room. In a big ivory-tinted bed the girl +lay, a pitiful wreck of the dashing, insolent figure she had been. + +Her face was as white as the pillows upon which she lay, while her +hands looked utterly bloodless as they rested listlessly upon the +coverlet. Only her eyes held anything of her old spirit. They looked +unusually brilliant. I wondered uneasily if their appearance was the +result of their contrast to her deathly white face or whether the +fever which the doctor dreaded had set in. + +She looked at me steadily for a long minute, then spoke huskily--I was +surprised at the strength of her voice. + +"Of course I have no right to ask anything of you, Mrs. Graham," she +said, "but death, you know, always has privileges, and I am going to +die." + +I saw the nurse glance swiftly, sharply, at her, and then go quietly +out of the room. + +"She's hurrying to get the doctor," the girl said, with the uncanny +intuition of the very sick, "but he can't do me any good. I'm going to +die and I know it. And I want you to promise to stay with me until the +end comes. I shall probably be unconscious, and not know whether you +are here or not, but I know you. You're the kind that if you give a +promise you won't break it, and I have a sort of feeling that I'd like +to go out holding your hand. Will you promise me that?" + +Her eyes looked fiercely, compelling, into mine. I stepped forward and +laid my hand on hers, lying so weak on the bed. + +"Of course I promise," I said pitifully. + +There was a quick, savage gleam in her eyes which I could not fathom, +a gleam that vanished as quickly as it came. I told myself that the +look I had surprised in her eyes was one of ferocious triumph, and +that as my hand touched hers she had instinctively started to draw her +hand away from mine, and then yielded it to my grasp. + +"All right," she said indifferently, closing her eyes. "Remember now, +don't go away." + +"Dicky! Dicky! what have I done that you are so changed? How can +you be so cold to me when you remember all that we have been to each +other? Don't be so cruel to me. Kiss me just once, just once, as you +used to do." + +Over and over again the plaintive words pierced the air of the room +where Grace Draper lay, while Dr. Pettit and the nurse battled for her +life. + +The theme of all her delirious cries and mutterings was Dicky. She +lived over again all the homely little humorous incidents of their +long studio association. She went with him upon the little outings +which they had taken together, and of which I learned for the first +time from her fever-crazed lips. + +"Isn't this delicious salad, Dicky?" she would cry. "What a +magnificent view of the ocean you can get from here? Wouldn't Belasco +envy that moonlight effect?" + +Then more tender memories would obsess her. To me, crouching in my +corner, bound by my promise to stay in the room, it seemed a most +cruel irony of fate that I should be compelled to listen to this +unfolding of my husband's faithlessness to me within so short a time +of our tender reconciliation. + +I do not think Dr. Pettit knew I was in the room when he first entered +it, anxious because of his imperative summons by the nurse. Lillian's +guest room had the alcove characteristic of the old-fashioned New York +houses, and she and I were seated in that. + +The physician bent over the bed, carefully studying the patient. +Through his professional mask I thought I saw a touch of bewilderment. +He studied the girl's pulse and temperature, listened to her +breathing, then turned to the nurse sharply. + +"How long has she been delirious?" + +"Since just after I called you," the girl replied. + +"Did you notice anything unusual about her before that? You said +something over the telephone about her talking queerly." + +The nurse looked quickly over to the alcove where Lillian and I +sat. Dr. Pettit's eyes followed her glance. With a quick muttered +exclamation he strode swiftly to where we sat and towered angrily +above us. + +"What does this mean?" he asked imperatively. "Why are you here +listening to this stuff? It is abominable." + +"I agree with you, Dr. Pettit. It is abominable, but she made +Madge promise to stay," Lillian said quietly. She made an almost +imperceptible gesture of her head toward the bed, and her voice was +full of meaning. He started, looked her steadily in the eyes, then +nodded slightly as if asserting some unspoken thought of hers. + +"Dicky darling," the voice from the bed rose pleadingly, "don't you +remember how you promised me to take me away from all this, how we +planned to go far, far away, where no one would ever find us again?" + +Dr. Pettit turned almost savagely on me. + +"Promise or no promise," he said, "I will not allow this any longer. +You must go out of this room and stay out." + +I stood up and faced him unflinchingly. + +"I cannot, Dr. Pettit," I answered firmly. "I must keep my promise." + +"Then I will get your release from that promise at once," he said and +strode toward the bed. + +I watched him with terrified fascination. Had he gone suddenly mad? +What did he mean to do? + +As Dr. Pettit turned from Lillian and me, and strode toward the bed +where the sick girl lay, apparently raving in delirium, I called out +to him in horror. + +"Oh, don't disturb that delirious, dying girl!" + +I made an impetuous step forward to try to stop him when Lillian +caught my arm and whirled me into a recess of the alcove. + +"You unsuspecting little idiot," she said, giving me a tender little +shake that robbed the words of their harshness, "can't you see that +that girl is shamming?" + +For a moment I could not comprehend what she meant; then the full +truth burst upon me. If what Lillian said were true, if the girl was +pretending delirium that she might utter words concerning Dicky's +infatuation for her which would torture me, then it was more than +probable, almost certain, in fact, that there was no word of truth in +her pretended delirious mutterings. + +Dicky was not faithless to me, as I had feared during the tortured +moments in which I had listened to, the girl's ravings. + +The joy of the sudden revelation almost unnerved me. I believe I would +have swooned and fallen had not Lillian caught me. + +"Listen," she said in my ear, pinching my arm almost cruelly to arouse +me, "listen to what Dr. Pettit is saying, and you'll see that I am +right." + +My eyes followed hers to the bed where Dr. Pettit stood gazing +down upon the seemingly unconscious girl and speaking in measured, +merciless fashion. + +"This won't do, my girl," he was saying, and his tone and manner +of address seemed in some subtle fashion to strip all semblance of +dignity from the girl and leave her simply a "case" of the doctor's, +of a type only too familiar to him. + +"It _won't_ do," he repeated. "You are simply shamming this delirium, +and you are lessening your chances for life every minute you persist +in it. I'm sorry to be hard on you, but I'm going to give you an +ultimatum right now. Either you will release Mrs. Graham from her +promise at once and quit this nonsense, or I shall call an officer, +report the truth of this occurrence, and you will be arrested not only +upon a charge of attempted suicide, but of attempted murder. + +"Of course, you will then be removed to the jail hospital, where I am +afraid you may not enjoy the skilful care you are getting now. And, +if you live, the after effects of these charges will be exceedingly +unpleasant for you." + +My heart almost stopped beating as I listened to the physician's +relentless words. + +Suppose Dr. Pettit was mistaken and the girl should be really +delirious, after all. But just as I had reached the point of torturing +doubt hardly to be borne, the girl stopped her delirious muttering, +opened her eyes and looted steadily up at the physician. + +"You devil," she said, at last, with quiet malignity. "You've called +the turn. I throw up my hands." + +"I thought so." This was the physician's only response. He stood +quietly waiting while the girl gazed steadily, unwinkingly at him. + +"Tell me," she said at last, coolly, "am I going to die?" + +"I do not know," the physician returned, as coolly. "You have a slight +temperature, and I am afraid infection has developed. But I can tell +you that your performance of the last hour or two has not helped your +chances any. You must be perfectly quiet and obedient, conserve every +bit of strength if you wish to live." + +"How about that very chivalric threat you made just now," the girl +retorted, sneeringly. "If I live, are you going to have me arrested +for this thing?" + +"Not if you behave yourself and promise to make no more trouble," the +physician replied gravely. + +There was another long silence. The girl lay with eyes closed. The +physician stood watching her keenly. Presently she opened her eyes +again. + +"Call Mrs. Graham over here," she said peremptorily. + +"What are you going to say to her?" the physician shot back. + +"That's my business and hers," Miss Draper returned, with a flash of +her old spirit. "If you want a release from that promise you'd better +let her come over here, otherwise I'll hold her to it." + +Disregarding Lillian's clutch upon my arm I moved swiftly to the side +of the bed and looked down into the sick girl's eyes, brilliant with +fever. + +"Did you wish to speak to me?" I asked gently. + +"Yes," she said abruptly, "I release you from your promise, and you +are free to believe or not what I have said during my--delirium." + +She emphasized the last word with a little mocking smile. The same +smile was on her lips as she added, slowly, sneeringly: + +"But you will never know, will you, Madgie dear, just how much of what +I said was false and how much true?" + +Her eyes held mine a moment longer, and the malignance in their +feverish brightness frightened me. Then she closed them wearily. + +As I turned away from her bedside I realized that she had prophesied +only too truthfully. There would be times in my life when I would +believe Dicky only. But I was also afraid there would be others when +her words would come back to me with intensified power to sear and +scar. + + + + +XXX + +THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + +Grace Draper did not die. Thanks to the assiduous care of Dr. Pettit +and the two trained nurses Dicky had provided she gradually struggled +up from the "valley of the shadow of death" in which she had lain to +convalescence. + +As soon as she was able to travel she went to the home of the relative +in the country whom she had visited in the summer. One of the nurses +went with her to see that she was settled comfortably, and upon +returning reported that she was getting strong fast, and in a month or +two more would be her usual self again. + +Neither Dicky nor I had seen her before she left. Indeed, Dicky +appeared to have taken an uncontrollable aversion to the girl since +her attempt to kill him and herself and disliked hearing even her name +mentioned. As for me, I had a positive dread of ever looking into the +girl's beautiful false face again. + +It was Lillian who made all the necessary arrangements both for the +girl's stay in her own home and her transfer to the country. + +But between the time of my mother-in-law's arrival at our house in +Marvin and the departure of Grace Draper from Lillian's home lay an +interval of a fortnight in which what we all considered the miraculous +happened. My mother-in-law grew to like Lillian Underwood. + +For the first three or four days after the ultimatum which I had given +her that she should respect our guests if she stayed in our house she +was like a sulky child. She kept to her room, affecting fatigue, and +demanding her meals be carried up to her by Katie. + +Of course Lillian and Harry wanted to go away at once, but Dicky and +I overruled them. I was resolved to see the thing through. I felt +that if my mother-in-law did not yield her prejudices at this time she +never would, and that I would simply have to go through the same thing +again later. + +Lillian saw the force of my reasoning and agreed to stay, although +I knew that the sensitive delicacy of feeling which she concealed +beneath her rough and ready mask made her uncomfortable in a house +which held such a disapproving element as my mother-in-law. + +Then, one day the little god of chance took a hand. Harry and Dicky +had gone to the city. It was Katie's afternoon off, and she and Jim, +who had become a regular caller at our kitchen door, had gone away +together. + +Mother Graham was still sulking in her room, and Lillian was busy in +Dicky's improvised studio with some drawings and jingles which were a +rush order. + +The day was a wonderful autumn one, and I felt the need of a walk. + +"I think I will run down to the village," I said to Lillian. "This is +the day the candy kitchen makes up the fresh toasted marshmallows. I +think we could use some, don't you?" + +"Lovely," agreed Lillian enthusiastically. + +"I don't think Mother Graham will come out of her room while I'm +gone," I went on. "Just keep an eye out for her if she should need +you." + +"She'd probably bite me if I offered her any assistance," returned +Lillian, laughing, "but I'll look out for her." + +But when I came back with the marshmallows, after a longer walk than +I had intended, I found Lillian sitting by my mother-in-law's bedside, +watching her as she slept. When she saw me she put her finger to her +lips and stole softly out into the hall. + +"She had a slight heart attack while you were gone, and I was +fortunate enough to know just what to do for her. It was not serious +at all. She is perfectly all right now and"--she hesitated and smiled +a bit--"I do not think she dislikes me any more." + +"Oh, I'm so glad!" I exclaimed, ecstatically hugging her. "Everything +will come out all right now." + +During the rest of the Underwoods' stay it seemed as if my words +had come true. The ice once broken, my mother-in-law's heart thawed +perceptibly toward Lillian. + +By the time the day came when Harry and Lillian left us to go back +to their apartment the elder Mrs. Graham had so far gotten over +her prejudices as to bid Lillian a reluctant farewell and express a +sincere wish that she might soon see her again. + +Toward Harry Underwood my mother-in-law's demeanor remained rigid. +She treated him with formal, icy politeness which irritated Dicky, but +appeared greatly to amuse Mr. Underwood. He took delight in paying her +the most elaborate attentions, laying fresh nosegays of flowers at +her plate at each meal. If he had been a lover besieging a beautiful +girl's heart he could not have been more attentive, while he was +absolutely impervious to all the chilling rebuffs she gave him. + +I think that the touch of malice which is always a part of this man's +humor was gratified by the frigid annoyance which the elder Mrs. +Graham exhibited toward his attentions. At any rate, he kept them up +until the very hour of his departure. + +It was when he happened to be alone with me on the veranda a few +moments before the coming of the taxi which was to bear them to their +homeward train that he gave me the real explanation of his conduct. + +"Tell me, loveliest lady," he said, with the touch of exaggeration +which his manner always holds toward me, "tell me, haven't I squared +up part of your account with the old girl this last week?" + +"Why, what do you mean?" I stammered. + +"Don't pretend such innocence," he retorted. "If you want me to tell +you in so many words, I beg leave to inform you that I've been doing +my little best to annoy your august mother-in-law to pay her off for +her general cussedness toward you, and, incidentally, me." + +"But she hasn't been cross to me," I protested. + +"Not the last three or four days perhaps, but I'll bet you've had +quite a dose since she came to live at your house, and you'll have +another if she ever finds out my wicked designs upon you." He smiled +mockingly and took a step nearer to me. "Don't forget you owe me a +kiss," he said, with teasing maliciousness, referring to the time when +he had threatened to "kiss me under water." "Don't you think you had +better give in to me now?" + +Dicky's step in the hall prevented my rebuking him as I wished. I +told myself that, of course, his persistent reference to that kiss was +simply one of mockery and I also admitted to myself that as much as I +loved Lillian I was glad that her husband was to be no longer a guest +in our house. + + + + +XXXI + +A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + +"Well, my dear, what are you mooning over that you didn't see me come +in? I beg your pardon, Madge, what is the matter? Tell me." + +Lillian Underwood stood before me a week after her visit to us. +Lillian, whose entrance into the small reception room of the Sydenham, +at which we had an appointment, I had not even seen. She stood looking +down at me with an anxious, alarmed expression in her eyes. + +"There is nothing the matter," I returned, evasively. + +"Don't tell me a tarradiddle, my dear," Lillian countered smoothly. +"You're as white as a sheet, and I can see your hands trembling this +minute. Something has happened to upset you. But, of course, if you'd +rather not tell me--" + +There was a subtle hint of withdrawal in her tone. I was afraid that I +had offended her. After all, why not tell her of the stranger who had +so startled me? + +"Look over by the door, Lillian," I said, in a low voice, "not +suddenly as if I had just spoken to you about it, but carelessly. Tell +me if there is a man still standing there staring at us." + +Lillian whistled softly beneath her breath, a little trick she has +when surprised. + +"Oh-h-h!" she breathed, and turning, she looked swiftly at the place I +had indicated. + +"I see a disappearing back which looks as though it might belong to +a 'masher.' I just caught sight of him as he turned--well set-up man +about middle age, hair sprinkled with gray, rather stunning looking." + +"Yes, that is the man," I returned, faintly, "but, Lillian, I'm sure +he isn't an ordinary 'masher.' He had the strangest, saddest, most +mysterious look in his eyes. It was almost as if he knew me or thought +he did, and I have the most uncanny feeling about him, as if he were +some one I had known long ago. I can't describe to you the effect he +had upon me." + +"Nonsense," Lillian said, brusquely, "the man is just an ordinary +common lady-killer of the type that infests these hotels, and ought to +be horsewhipped at sight. You're getting fanciful, and I don't wonder +at it. You've had a terrible summer, with all that trouble the Draper +caused you, and I imagine you haven't been having any too easy a time +with dear mamma-in-law, I'm mighty glad you're going to get away +with Dicky by yourself. A week in the mountains ought to set you +up wonderfully, and you certainly need it when you start weaving +mysterious tragedies about the commoner garden variety of 'masher.'" + +Lillian's rough common sense steadied me, as it always does. I felt +ashamed of my momentary emotion. + +"I fancy you're right, Lillian," I said nonchalantly. "Let's forget +about it and have some lunch. Where shall we go?" + +"There's a bully little tea room down the street here." she said. +"It's very English, with the tea cozies and all that sort of frills, +and some of their luncheon dishes are delicious. Shall we try it?" + +"By all means," I returned, and we went out of the hotel together. + +Although I looked around furtively and fearfully as we left the hotel +entrance, I could see no trace of the man who had so startled me. +Scoring myself for being so foolish as to imagine that the man might +still be keeping track of me, I put all thought of his actions away +from me and kept up with Lillian's brisk pace, chatting with her gayly +over our past experience in buying hats and the execrable creations +turned out by milliners generally. + +The tea room proved all that Lillian had promised. Fortunately, we +were early enough to escape the noon hour rush and secure a good table +near a window looking out upon the street. + +"I like to look out upon the people passing, don't you?" Lillian said, +as she seated herself. + +"Yes, I do," I assented, and then we turned our attention to the menu +cards. + +"I'm fearfully hungry," Lillian announced. "I've been digging all +morning. Oh! it's chicken pie here today." Her voice held all the glee +of a gormandizing child. "I don't think these individual chicken pies +they serve here can be beaten in New York," she went on. "You know the +usual mess--potatoes and onions, and a little bit of chicken mixed +up with a sauce they insult with the name gravy. These are the real +article--just the chicken meat with a delicious gravy covering it, +baked in the most flaky crust you can imagine. What do you say to +those, with some baked potatoes, new lima beans, sliced tomatoes and +an ice for dessert?" + +"I don't think it can be improved upon," I said, gayly, and then I +clutched Lillian's arm. "Look quickly," I whispered, "the other side +of the street!" + +Lillian's eyes followed mine to the opposite side of the street, +where, walking slowly along, was the man I had seen in the hotel. He +did not once look toward the tea room, but as he came opposite to it +he turned from the pavement and crossed the street leisurely toward +us. + +"Oh! I believe he is coming in," I gasped, and my knees began to +tremble beneath me. + +"Suppose he is," Lillian snapped back. Her tone held a contemptuous +impatience that braced me as nothing else could. "The man has a right +to come in here if he wishes. It may be a mere coincidence, or he may +have followed you. You're rather fetching in that little sport rig, +my dear, as your mirror probably told you this morning. Unless he +obtrudes himself there is nothing you can do or say, and if he should +attempt to get fresh--well, I pity him, that's all." + +Lillian's threatening air was so comical that I lost my nervousness +and laughed outright at her belligerency. The laugh was not a loud +one, but it evidently was audible to the man entering the door, for +he turned and cast a quick, sharp look upon me before moving on to a +table farther down the room. The waitress indicated a chair, which, +if he had taken it, would have kept his back toward us. He refused it +with a slight shake of the head, and passing around to the other side +of the table, sat down in a chair which commanded a full view of us. + +Lillian's foot beat a quick tattoo beneath the table. "The insolent +old goat," she murmured, vindictively. "He'd better look out. I'd hate +to forget I'm a perfect lady, but I'm afraid I may have to break loose +if that chap stays around here." + +"Oh, don't say anything to him, Lillian," I pleaded, terribly +distressed and upset at the very thought of a possible scene. "Let's +hurry through our luncheon and get out." + +"We'll do nothing of the kind," Lillian said. "Don't think about the +man at all, just go ahead and enjoy your luncheon as if he were +not here at all. I'll attend to his case good and plenty if he gets +funny." + +In spite of Lillian Underwood's kindly admonition I could not enjoy +the delicious lunch we had ordered. The presence of a mysterious man +at the table opposite ours robbed the meal of its flavor and me of my +self-possession. + +I could not be sure, of course, that the man had purposely followed me +from the little reception room of the Sydenham, where I had waited for +Lillian. There I had first seen him staring frankly at me with such +a sad, mysterious, tragic look in his eyes that I had been most +bewildered and upset by it. But his appearance at the tea room within +a few minutes of our entering it, and his choice of a chair which +faced our table indicated rather strongly that he had purposely +followed me. + +Whether or not Lillian's flashing eyes and the withering look she gave +him deterred him from gazing at me as steadily as he had at the hotel +I had no means of knowing. At any rate, he did not once stare openly +at me. I should have known it if he had, for his position was such +that unless I kept my eyes steadily fixed upon my plate, I could not +help but see him. He was unobtrusive, but I received the impression +that he was keeping track of every movement in the furtive glances he +cast at us from time to time. + +Although he had ordered after us, his meal kept pace with our own. In +fact, he called for his check, paid it and left the restaurant before +we did. As he passed out of the door I drew a breath of relief and +fell to my neglected lunch. + +"I hope I've seen the last of him," I said vindictively. + +Lillian did not answer. I looked up surprised to see her chin cupped +in her hands, in the attitude which was characteristic of her when she +was studying some problem, her eyes following the man as he made his +way slowly down the street, swinging his stick with a pre-occupied +air. She continued to stare after him until he was out of sight, then +with a start, she came back to herself. + +"You were right, Madge, and I was wrong," she said reflectively, still +as if she were studying her problem; "that man is no 'masher.'" + +I looked up startled. "What makes you think so?" I asked breathlessly. + +"I don't know," she returned, "but he either thinks he knows you, +or you remind him of some dead daughter, or sister--or sweetheart, +or--oh, there might be any one of a dozen reasons why he would want +to stare at you. I think he's harmless, though. He probably won't +ever try to speak to you--just take it out in following you around and +looking at you." + +"Oh," I gasped, "do you think he's going to keep this up?" + +"Looks like it," Lillian returned, "but simply ignore him. He has all +the ear-marks of a gentleman. I don't think he will annoy you. Now +forget him and enjoy your ice, and then we'll go and get that hat." + +Under Lillian's guidance the selection of the hat proved an easy task. + +Lillian bade me good-by at the door of the hat shop. + +"You don't need me any longer, do you?" she asked, "now that this hat +question is settled?" + +"No, no, Lillian," I returned, "and I am awfully grateful to you for +giving me so much of your time." + +"'Til Wednesday, then," Lillian said, "good-by." + +I had quite a long list in my purse of small purchases to be made. At +last even the smallest item on my list was attended to, and, wearied +as only shopping can tire a woman, I went over to the railroad +station. In my hurry of departure in the morning I had forgotten my +mileage ticket, so that I had to go to the ticket office to purchase a +ticket to Marvin. + +I had forgotten all about the man who had annoyed me in the reception +room of the Sydenham, and the little English tea room, so, when I +turned from buying my ticket to find him standing near enough to me to +have heard the name of Marvin, I was startled and terrified. + +He did not once glance toward me, however, but strolled away quickly, +as if in finding out the name of my home town he had learned all he +wished. + +I was thoroughly upset as I hurried to my train, and all through my +hour's journey home to Marvin the thought of the man troubled me. What +was the secret of his persistent espionage? The coincidences of the +day had been too numerous for me to doubt that the man was following +me around with the intention of learning my identity. + +When the train stopped at Marvin I was aghast to see the mysterious +stranger alight from it hurriedly and go into the waiting room of the +station. I thought I saw his scheme. From the window of the station he +could see me as I alighted, and either ascertain my identity from the +station agent or from the driver of whatever taxi I took. + +I had only felt terror of the man before, but now I was thoroughly +indignant. "The thing had gone far enough," I told myself grimly. +Instead of getting off the train I passed to the next car, resolving +to stop at the next village, Crest Haven, and take a taxi home from +there. + +The ruse succeeded. As the train sped on toward Crest Haven I had +a quiet little smile at the way I had foiled the curiosity of the +mysterious stranger. + +I debated for some time whether or not I ought to tell Dicky of +the incident. I had so much experience of his intensely jealous +temperament that I feared he might magnify and distort the incident. + +Finally I temporized by resolving to say nothing to Dicky unless the +man's tracking of me reached the point of attempting to speak to +me. But the consciousness of keeping a secret from Dicky made me +pre-occupied during our dinner. + +Dicky reached home an hour after I did, and all through the dinner +hour I noticed him casting curious glances at me from time to time. + +"What's the matter?" he asked, as after dinner he and I went out to +the screened porch to drink our coffee. + +"Why, nothing," I responded guiltily. "Why do you ask?" + +"You act as if you thought you had the responsibility of the great war +on your shoulders," Dicky returned. + +"I haven't a care in the world," I assured him gayly, and +arousing myself from my depression I spent the next hour in gay, +inconsequential chatter in an attempt to prove to Dicky that I meant +what I said. + +In the kitchen I heard the voices of Jim and Katie. They were raised +earnestly as if discussing something about which they disagreed. +Presently Katie appeared on the veranda. + +"Plees, Missis Graham, can you joost coom to kitchen, joost one little +meenit." + +"Certainly, Katie," I replied, rising, while Dicky mumbled a +half-laughing, half-serious protest. + +"I'll be back in a minute, Dicky," I promised, lightly. + +It was full five before I returned, for Jim had something to tell me, +which confirmed my impression that the mysterious stranger's spying +upon me was something to be reckoned with. + +"I didn't think I ought to worry you with this, Mrs. Graham, but Katie +thinks you ought to know it, and what she says goes, you know." He +cast a fatuous smile at the girl, who giggled joyously. "To-night, +down at Crest Haven, I overheard one of the taxi drivers telling +another about a guy that had come down there and described a woman +whom he said must have gotten off at Crest Haven and taken a taxi back +to Marvin. The description fitted you all right, and the driver gave +him your name and address. He said he got a five spot for doing it." + +My face was white, my hands cold, as I listened to Jim, but I +controlled myself, and said, quietly: + +"Thank you, Jim, very much for telling me, but I do not think it +amounts to anything." + + + + +XXXII + +"THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + +Dinner with Dicky in a public dining room is almost always a delight +to me. He has the rare art of knowing how to order a perfect dinner, +and when he is in a good humor he is most entertaining. He knows by +sight or by personal acquaintance almost every celebrity of the +city, and his comments on them have an uncommon fascination for me +because of the monotony of my life before I met Dicky. + +But the very expression of my mother-in-law's back as I followed her +through the glittering grill room of the Sydenham told me that our +chances for having a pleasant evening were slender indeed. + +"Well, mother, what do you want to eat?" Dicky began genially, when an +obsequious waiter had seated us and put the menu cards before us. + +"Please do not consider me in the least," my mother-in-law said with +her most Christian-martyr-like expression. "Whatever you and Margaret +wish will do very well for me." + +Dicky turned from his mother with a little impatient shrug. + +"What about you, Madge?" he asked. + +"Chicken a la Maryland in a chafing dish and a combination salad with +that anchovy and sherry dressing you make so deliciously," I replied +promptly. "The rest of the dinner I'll leave to you." + +My mother-in-law glared at me. + +"It strikes me there isn't much left to leave to him after an order of +that kind," she said, tartly. + +"You haven't eaten many of Dicky's dinners then," I said audaciously, +with a little moue at him. "He orders the most perfect dinners of any +one I know." + +"Of course, with your wide experience, you ought to be a critical +judge of his ability," my mother-in-law snapped back. + +Her tone was even more insulting than her words. It tipped with +cruel venom her allusion to the quiet, almost cloistered life of my +girlhood. + +I drew a long breath as I saw my mother-in-law adjust her lorgnette +and proceed to gaze through it with critical hauteur at the other +diners. I hoped that her curiosity and interest in the things going on +around her would make her forget her imaginary grievances, but my hope +was destined to be short lived. + +It was while we were discussing our oysters, the very first offered of +the season, that she spoke to me, suddenly, abruptly: + +"Margaret, do you know that man at the second table back of us? He +hasn't taken his eyes from you for the last ten minutes." + +My heart almost stopped beating, for my intuition told me at once the +identity of the gazer. It must be the man whose uncanny, mournful look +had so distressed me when I was waiting for Lillian Underwood in the +little reception room at the Sydenham the preceding Monday, the man +who had followed us to the little tea room, who had even taken the +same train to Marvin with me. + +I felt as if I could not lift my eyes to look at the man my +mother-in-law indicated, and yet I knew I must glance casually at +him if I were to avert the displeased suspicion which I already saw +creeping into her eyes. + +When my eyes met his he gave not the slightest sign that he knew I was +looking at him, simply continued his steady gaze, which had something +of wistful mournfulness in it. I averted my eyes as quickly as +possible, and tried to look absolutely unconcerned. + +"I am sure he cannot be looking at me," I said, lightly. "I do not +know him at all." + +I hoped that my mother-in-law would not notice my evasion, but she was +too quick for me. + +"You may not know him, but have you ever seen him before?" she asked, +shrewdly. + +"Really, mother," Dicky interposed, his face darkening, "you're going +a little too far with that catechism. Madge says she doesn't know the +man, that settles it. By the way, Madge, is he annoying you? If he is, +I can settle him in about two seconds." + +"Oh, no," I said nervously, "I don't think the man's really looking at +me at all; he's simply gazing out into space, thinking, and happens +to be facing this way. It would be supremely ridiculous to call him to +account for it." + +My mother-in-law snorted, but made no further comment, evidently +silenced by Dicky's reproof. + +I may have imagined it, but it seemed to me that Dicky looked at me +a little curiously when I protested my belief that the man was simply +absorbed in thought and not looking at me at all. + +When we were dallying with the curiously moulded ices which Dicky had +ordered for dessert, I saw his eyes light up as he caught sight of +some one he evidently knew. + +"Pardon me just a minute, will you?" he said, turning to his mother +and me, apologetically, "I see Bob Simonds over there with a bunch of +fellows. Haven't seen him in a coon's age. He's been over across the +pond in the big mixup. Didn't know he was back. I don't want any more +of this ice, anyway, and when the waiter comes, order cheese, coffee +and a cordial for us all." + +He was gone in another instant, making his way with the swift, +debonair grace which is always a part of Dicky, to the group of men at +a table not far from ours, who welcomed him joyously. + +My mother-in-law's eyes followed mine, and I knew that for once, at +least, we were of one mind, and that mind was full of pride in the man +so dear to, us both. He was easily the most distinguished figure at +the table full of men who greeted him so joyously. I knew that his +mother noted with me how cordial was the welcome each man gave Dicky, +how they all seemed to defer to him and hang upon his words. + +Then across my vision came a picture most terrifying to me. It was +as if my mother-in-law and I were spectators of a series of motion +picture films. Toward the table, where Dicky stood surrounded by his +friends, there sauntered the mysterious stranger, who had attracted my +mother-in-law's attention by his scrutiny of me. + +But he was no stranger to the men surrounding Dicky. Most of them +greeted him warmly. Of course, I was too far away to hear what was +said, but I saw the pantomime in which he requested an introduction to +Dicky of one of his friends! + +Then I saw the stranger meet Dicky and engage him in earnest +conversation. I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law. I knew she +was gazing in open-mouthed wonder at her son, but I hoped she did not +know the queer mixture of terror and interest with which I watched the +picture at the other table. + +For it was no surprise to me when, a few minutes later, Dicky came +back toward our table. With him, talking earnestly, as if he had been +a childhood friend, walked the mysterious stranger. I told myself that +I had known it would be so from the first. + +From the moment I had first seen this man's haunting eyes gazing at me +in the reception room of the Sydenham I had felt that a meeting with +him was inevitable. How or where he would touch my life I did not +know, but that he was destined to wield some influence, sinister or +favorable, over me, I was sure, and I trembled with vague terror as I +saw him drawing near. + +"Mother, may I present Mr. Gordon? My wife, Mr. Gordon." + +Dicky's manner was nervous, preoccupied, as he spoke. His mother's +face showed very plainly her resentment at being obliged to meet the +man upon whose steady staring at me she had so acidly commented a few +minutes before. + +For my own part, I was so upset that I felt actually ill, as the eyes +of the persistent stranger met mine. How had this man, who had so +terrified me by his persistent pursuit and scrutiny, managed to obtain +an introduction to Dicky? + +Dicky made a place for the man near me, and signalled the waiter. + +"I know you have dined," he said, courteously, "but you'll at least +have coffee and a cordial with us, will you not?" + +"Thank you," Mr. Gordon said, in a deep, rich voice, "I have not yet +had coffee. If you will be so kind, I should like a little apricot +brandy instead of a cordial." + +Dicky gave the necessary order to the waiter, and we all sat back in +our chairs. + +I, for one, felt as though I were a spectator at a play, waiting for +the curtain to run up upon some thrilling episode. For the few minutes +while we waited for our coffee, Dicky had to carry the burden of the +conversation. His mother, with her lips pressed together in a tight, +thin line, evidently had resolved to take no part in any conversation +with the stranger. I was really too terrified to say anything, and, +besides the briefest of assents to Dicky's observations, the stranger +said nothing. + +There was something about the man's whole personality that both +attracted and repelled me. With one breath I felt that I had a curious +sense of liking and admiration for him, and was proud of the interest +in me, which he had taken no pains to conceal. The next moment a real +terror and dislike of him swept over me. + +I waited with beating heart for him to finish his coffee. It seemed +to me that I could hardly wait for him to speak. For I had a psychic +presentiment that before he left the table he would make known to us +the reason for his rude pursuit of me. + +His first words confirmed my impression: + +"I am afraid, Mrs. Graham," he said, courteously, turning to me, as +he finished his coffee, "that I have startled and alarmed you by my +endeavor to ascertain your identity." + +I did not answer him. I did not wish to tell him that I had been +frightened; neither could I truthfully deny his assertion. And I +wished that I had not evaded my mother-in-law's query concerning him. + +He did not appear to heed my silence however, but went on rapidly: + +"It is a very simple matter, after all," he said. "You see, you +resemble so closely a very dear friend of my youth, in fact, the +dearest I ever had, that when I caught sight of you the other day +in the reception room of the Sydenham, it seemed as if her very self +stood before me." + +There was a vibrant, haunting note in his voice that told me, better +than words, that, whoever this woman of his youth might have been, her +memory was something far more to him than of a mere friend. + +"I could not rest until I found out your identity, and secured an +introduction to you," he went on. "You will not be offended if I ask +you one or two rather personal questions, will you?" + +"Indeed, no," I returned mechanically. + +Mr. Gordon hesitated. His suave self-possession seemed to have +deserted him. He swallowed hard twice, and then asked, nervously: + +"May I ask your name before you were married, Mrs. Graham?" + +"Margaret Spencer," I returned steadily. + +There was a cry of astonishment from Dicky. Mr. Gordon had reeled in +his chair as if he were about to faint, then, with closed eyes and +white lips, he sat motionless, gripping the table as if for support. + +"Do not be alarmed--I am all right--only a momentary faintness, I +assure you." + +Mr. Gordon opened his eyes and smiled at us wanly. + +I knew that Dicky was as much relieved as I at our guest's return +to self-command. That he was resentful as well as mystified at the +singular behavior of Mr. Gordon I also gleaned from his darkened face, +and a little steely glint in his eyes. + +"I hope that you will forgive me," Mr. Gordon went on, and his rich +voice was so filled with regret and humility that I felt my heart +soften toward him. + +"I trust you have not gained the impression that my momentary +faintness had anything to do with your name," he said. "My attack at +that time was merely a coincidence. I am subject to these spells of +faintness. I hope this one did not alarm you." + +He looked at me directly, as if expecting an answer. + +"I am not easily alarmed," I returned, trying hard to keep out of my +voice anything save the indifferent courtesy which one would bestow +upon a stranger, for the atmosphere of mystery seemed deepening about +this stranger and me. I did not believe he had spoken the truth, +when he said that my utterance of my maiden name, in response to his +question, had nothing to do with his faintness. I was as certain as I +was of anything that it was the utterance of that name, the revelation +of my identity thus made to him, that caused his emotion. I sat +thrilled, tense, in anticipation of revelations to follow. + +Mr. Gordon's voice was quiet, but a poignant little thrill ran through +it, which I caught as he spoke again. + +"Was not your mother's name Margaret Bickett and your father's, +Charles Spencer?" he asked. + +"You are quite correct." I forced the words through lips stiffened by +excitement. + +I saw Dicky look at me curiously, almost impatiently, but I had no +eyes, no ears, save for the mysterious stranger who was quizzing me +about my parents. + +One of Mr. Gordon's hands was beneath the table; as he was sitting +next to his I saw what no one else did--that the long, slender, +sensitive fingers pressed themselves deeply, quiveringly, into the +palm at my affirmation of his question. But except for that momentary +grip there was no evidence of excitement in his demeanor as he turned +to me. + +"I thought so," he said quietly. "I have found the daughter of +the dearest friends I ever had. Your resemblance to your mother is +marvelous. I remember that you looked much like her when you were a +tiny girl." + +"You were at our home in my childhood, then?" I asked, wondering if +this might be the explanation of my uncanny notion that I had sometime +in my life seen this man bending over his demitasse as he had done a +few minutes before. + +"Oh, yes," he said, "your mother, as I have told you, was the dearest +friend I ever had. And your father was my other self--then--" + +His emphasis upon the word "then" gave me a quick stab of pain, for +it recalled the odium with which every one who had known my childhood +seemed to regard the memory of my father. + +I, myself, had no memories of my father. My mother had never spoken +of him to me but once, when she had told me the terrible story of his +faithlessness. + +When I was four years old he had run away from us both with my +mother's dearest friend, and neither she, nor any of his friends, had +ever heard of him afterward. I had always felt a sort of hatred of my +unknown father, who had deserted me and so cruelly treated my mother, +and the knowledge that this man was an intimate of his turned me +faint. + +But if Mr. Gordon's inflection meant anything it meant that even if he +had been my father's "other self," my mother's desertion had aroused +in him the same contempt for my father that all the rest of our little +world had felt. I felt my indefinable feeling of repulsion against +the man melt into warm approval of him. He had loved the mother I had +idolized, had resented her wrongs, and I felt my heart go out to him. + +"I cannot tell you what this finding of your wife means to me," +said Mr. Gordon, turning to Dicky. The inflection of his voice, the +movement of his hand, spelled a subtle appeal to the younger man. + +"I have been a wanderer for years," the deep, rich voice went on. "I +have no family ties"--he hesitated for a moment, with a curious little +air of indecision--"no wife, no child. I am a very lonely man. I wonder +if it would be asking too much to let me come to see you once in a +while and renew the memories of my youth in this dear child?" + +He turned to me with the most fascinating little air of deferential +admiration I had ever seen. + +But I looked in vain for any answer to his appeal in Dicky's eyes. My +husband still retained the air of formal, puzzled courtesy with which +he had brought Mr. Gordon to our table and introduced him to us. I +could see that the mysterious stranger's appeal to be made an intimate +of our home did not meet with Dicky's approval. + +I could not understand the impulse that made me turn toward the +stranger and say, earnestly: "I shall be so glad to have you come to +see us, Mr. Gordon. I want you to tell me about my mother's youth." + + + + +XXXIII + +"MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + +It may have been the preparation we were making for an autumn vacation +in the Catskills, or it may have been that Dicky was becoming more +the master of himself, that he did not voice to me the very real +uneasiness with which I knew he viewed Robert Gordon's attitude toward +me. But whatever may have been the cause, the fact is that during +the preparations for our trip and during the vacation itself in the +gorgeous autumn-clad mountains Dicky did not refer to Robert Gordon. + +It was my mother-in-law who brought his name up the day of our return. +She had moved from the hotel where we had left her in the city to +the house at Marvin, and when we arrived there her greeting of me was +almost icy. As soon as we had taken off our wraps, she explained her +departure from the hotel without any questioning from us. + +"I never have been so insulted and annoyed in my life," she began +abruptly, "and it is all your fault, Richard. If you never had brought +the unspeakable person over he would not have had the chance to annoy +me. And as for you, Margaret, I cannot begin to tell you what I think +of your conduct in leading your husband to believe you had never seen +the man before--" + +"For heaven's sake, mother!" Dicky exploded, his slender patience +evidently worn to its last thread by his mother's incoherence, "what +on earth are you talking about?" + +"Don't pretend ignorance," she snapped. "You introduced the man to +me yourself the night before you went on your trip. You cannot have +forgotten his name so soon." + +"Robert Gordon!" Dicky exclaimed in amazement. + +"Yes, Robert Gordon!" his mother returned grimly. "And let me tell +you, Richard Graham, that if you do not settle that man he will make +you the laughing stock and the scandal of everybody. The way he talks +of Margaret is disgusting." + +Dicky's face became suddenly stern and set. + +"He didn't exhibit his lack of good taste the first time he came over +to my table in the dining room," my mother-in-law went on. "But the +second time he sat down with me he began to talk of Margaret in the +most fulsome, extravagant manner. From that time his sole topic of +conversation was Margaret, the wonderful woman she had grown into, the +wonderful attraction she has for him. You would have thought him a +man who had discovered his lost sweetheart after years of wandering. +Imagine the lack of decency and good taste the man must have to say +such things to me, the mother of Margaret's husband!" + +"Is that all you have to say, mother?" he asked. + +She looked at him in amazement. + +"Are you lost to all decency that you do not resent such extravagant +praise and admiration of your wife from the lips of another man?" she +demanded, and then in the same breath went on rapidly: + +"Richard, you are perfectly hopeless! The man may have been in love +with Margaret's mother, I do not doubt that he was, but have you never +heard of such men falling in love with the daughters of the women they +once loved hopelessly?" + +"Don't make the poor man out a potential Mormon, mother!" Dicky jibed. + +"Jeer at your old mother if you wish, Richard," his mother went on +icily, "but let me tell you that Mr. Gordon is madly in love with +Margaret and if you do not look out you will have a scandal on your +hands." + +"You are going a bit too far in your excitement, mother," Dicky said +sternly. "You may not realize it, but you are insinuating that there +might be a possible chance of Madge's returning the man's admiration." + +"I am not insinuating anything," his mother returned, white-lipped +with anger, "but I certainly think Margaret owes both you and me an +explanation of the untruth she told us at the supper table the night +you introduced Mr. Gordon to us." + +I sprang to my feet with my cheeks afire. + +"Mother Graham, I have listened to you with respect as long as I can," +I exclaimed. "Whatever else you have to say to my husband about me you +can say in my absence. If he at any time wishes an explanation of any +action of mine he has only to ask me for it." + +White with rage I dashed out of the room, up the stairs and into my +own room, locking the door behind me. In a few minutes Dicky's step +came swiftly up the stairs; his knock sounded on my door. + +"Madge, let me in," he commanded, but the note of tenderness in his +voice was the influence that hurried my fingers in the turning of the +key. + +As I opened the door he strode in past me, closed and locked the door +again, and, turning, caught me in his arms. + +"Don't you dare to cry!" he stormed, kissing my reddened eyelids. +"Aren't you ever going to get used to mother's childish outbursts? +You know she doesn't mean what she says in those tantrums of hers. +She simply works herself up to a point where she's absolutely +irresponsible, and she has to explode or burst. You wouldn't like to +see a perfectly good mother-in-law strewn in fragment all over the +room, simply because she had restrained her temper, would you?" he +added, with the quick transition from hot anger to whimsical good +nature that I always find so bewildering in him. + +I struggled for composure. My mother-in-law's words had been too +scathing, her insult too direct for me to look upon it as lightly as +Dicky could, but the knowledge that he had come directly after me, and +that he had no part in the resentment his mother showed, made it easy +for me to control myself. + +"I ought to remember that your mother is an old woman, and an invalid, +and not allow myself to get angry at some of the unjust things she +says," I returned, swallowing hard. "So we'll just forget all about it +and pretend it never happened." + +"You darling!" Dicky exclaimed, drawing me closer, and for a moment or +two I rested in his arms, gathering courage for the confession I meant +to make to him. + +"Dicky, dear," I murmured at last, "there is something I want to tell +you about this miserable business, something I ought to have told you +before, but I kept putting it off." + +Dicky held me from him and looked at me quizzically, "'Confession is +good for the soul,'" he quoted, "so unburden your dreadful secret." + +He drew me to an easy chair and sat down, holding me in his arms as if +I were a little child. "Now for it," he said, smiling tenderly at me. + +"It isn't so very terrible," I smiled at him reassured by his +tenderness. "It is only that without telling you a deliberate untruth, +that I gave both you and your mother the impression I had never seen +Mr. Gordon before that night at the Sydenham." + +"Is that all?" mocked Dicky. "Why, I knew that the moment you spoke +as you did that night! You're as transparent as a child, my dear, and +besides, your elderly friend let the cat out of the bag when he said +he feared he had annoyed you by trying to find out your identity. I +knew you must have seen him somewhere." + +"You don't know all," I persisted, and then without reservation I told +him frankly the whole story of Mr. Gordon's spying upon me. I omitted +nothing. + +When I had finished, Dicky's face had lost its quizzical look. He was +frowning, not angrily, but as if puzzled. + +"Don't think I blame you one bit," he said slowly; "but it looks to me +as if mother's dope might be right, as if the old guy is smitten with +you after all." + +"I cannot hope to make your understand, Dicky," I began, "how confused +my emotions are concerning Mr. Gordon. I think perhaps I can tell you +best by referring to something about which we have never talked but +once--the story I told you before we were married of the tragedy in my +mother's life." + +"I believe you told me that neither your mother nor you had ever heard +anything of your father since he left." Dicky's voice was casual, but +there was a note in it that puzzled me. + +"That is true," I answered, and then stopped, for the conviction had +suddenly come to me that while I had never seen nor heard from my +father since he left us--indeed, I had no recollection of him--yet +I was not sure whether or not my mother had ever received any +communication from him. I had heard her say that she had no idea +whether he was living or dead, and I had received my impression from +that. But even as I answered Dicky's question there came to my mind +the memory of an injunction my mother had once laid upon me, +an injunction which concerned a locked and sealed box among her +belongings. + +I felt that I could not speak of it even to Dicky, so put all thought +of it aside until I should be alone. + +"I do not think I can make you understand," I began, "how torn between +two emotions I have always been when I think of my father. Of course, +the predominant feeling toward him has always been hatred for the +awful suffering he caused my mother. I never heard anything to foster +this feeling, however, from my mother. She rarely spoke of him, but +when she did it was always to tell me of the adoration he had felt for +me as a baby, of the care and money he had lavished on me. But while +with one part of me I longed to hear her tell me of those early days, +yet the hatred I felt for him always surged so upon me as to make me +refuse to listen to any mention of him. + +"But since she went away from me the desire to know something of +my father has become almost an obsession with me. My hatred of his +treachery to my mother is still as strong as ever, but in my mother's +last illness she told me that she forgave him, and asked me if ever he +came into my life to forget the past and to remember only that he +was my father. I am afraid I never could do that, but yet I long so +earnestly to know something of him. + +"So now you see, Dicky," I concluded, "why Mr. Gordon has such a +fascination for me. He knew my father and my mother--from his own +words I gather that he was the nearest person to them. He is the only +link connecting me with my babyhood, for Jack Bickett, my nearest +relative, was but a young boy himself when my father left, and +remembered little about it. I don't want to displease you, Dicky, but +I would so like to see Mr. Gordon occasionally." + +Dicky held me close and kissed me. + +"Why, certainly, sweetheart," he exclaimed. "Whenever you wish I'll +arrange a little dinner down-town for Mr. Gordon. What do you think +about inviting the Underwoods, too? They could entertain me while +you're talking over your family history." + +"That would be very nice," I agreed, but I had an inward dread of +talking to Robert Gordon with the malicious eyes of Harry Underwood +upon me. Indeed, I felt intuitively that if ever Mr. Gordon were to +reveal the history of his friendship for my mother to me, it would be +when no other ears, not even Dicky's, were listening. + +Dicky kissed me again and then he rose and went out of the room +quickly, closing the door behind him. I waited until I heard his +footsteps descending the stairs before turning the key in the lock. +Then I went directly to a little old trunk which I had kept in my own +room ever since my mother's death, and, kneeling before it unlocked it +with reverent fingers. + + + + +XXXIV + +A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + +It was my mother's own girlhood trunk, one in which she had kept +her treasures and mementoes all her life. The chief delight of my +childhood had been sitting by her side when she took out the different +things from it and showed them to me. + +Dear, thoughtful, little mother of mine! Almost the last thing she did +before her strength failed her utterly was to repack the little trunk, +wrapping and labeling each thing it contained, and putting into +it only the things she knew I would not use, but wished to keep as +memories of her and of my own childhood. + +"I do not wish you to have to look over these things while your grief +is still fresh for me," she had said, with the divine thoughtfulness +that mothers keep until the last breath they draw. "There is nothing +in it that you will have to look at for years if you do not wish to +do so--that is, except one package that I am going to tell you about +now." + +She stopped to catch the breath which was so pitifully short in those +torturing days before her death, and over her face swept the look of +agony which always accompanied any mention by her of my father. + +"In the top tray of this trunk," she said, "you will find the inlaid +lock box that was your grandmother's and that you have always +admired so much. I do not wish to lay any request or command upon you +concerning it--you must be the only judge of your own affairs after I +leave you--but I would advise you not to open that box unless you are +in desperate straits, or until the time has come when you feel that +you no longer harbor the resentment you now feel toward your father." + +The last words had come faintly through stiffened white lips, for her +labor at packing and the emotional strain of talking to me concerning +the future had brought on one of the dreaded heart attacks which +were so terribly frequent in the last weeks of her life. We had never +spoken of the matter afterward, for she did not leave her bed again +until the end. + +At one time she had motioned me to bring from her desk the +old-fashioned key ring on which she kept her keys. She had held up +two, a tiny key and a larger one, and whispered hoarsely: "These keys +are the keys to the lock box and the little trunk--you know where +the others belong." Then she had closed her eyes, as if the effort of +speaking had exhausted her, as indeed it had. + +In the wild grief which followed my mother's death there was no +thought of my unknown father except the bitterness I had always felt +toward him. I knew that the terrible sorrow he had caused my mother +had helped to shorten her life, and my heart was hot with anger +against him. + +I had never opened the trunk since her death. The exciting, almost +tragic experiences of my life with Dicky had swept all the old days +into the background. I could not analyze the change that had come over +me. As I lifted the lid of the trunk and took from the top tray the +inlaid box which my mother's hands had last touched, my grief for her +was mingled with a strange new longing to find out anything I could +concerning the father I had never known. + +"For my daughter Margaret's eyes alone." + +The superscription on the envelope which I held in my hand stared up +at me with all the sentience of a living thing. The letters were in +the crabbed, trembling, old-fashioned handwriting of my mother--the +last words that she had ever written. It was as if she had come back +from the dead to talk to me. + +With the memory of my mother's advice, I hesitated for a long time +before breaking the seal. With the letters pressed close against my +tear-wet cheeks I sat for a long time, busy with memories of my mother +and debating whether or not I had the right to open the letter. + +I certainly was not in desperate straits, and I could not +conscientiously say that I no longer harbored any resentment +toward^the father of whom I had no recollection. I felt that never in +my life could I fully pardon the man who had made my mother suffer so +terribly. But the longing to know something of my father, which I had +felt since the coming into my life of Robert Gordon, had become almost +an obsession, with me. + +"Little mother," I whispered, "forgive me if I am doing wrong, but I +must know what is in this letter to me." + +With trembling fingers I broke the seal and drew out the closely +written pages which the envelope contained. + +"Mother's Only Comfort," the letter began, and at the sight of the +dear familiar words, which I had so often heard from my mother's +lips--it was the name she had given me when a tiny girl, and which she +used until the day of her death--tears again blinded my eyes. + + "When you read this I shall have left you forever. It is my prayer + that when the time comes for you to read it, it will be because you + have forgiven your father, not because you are in desperate need. How + I wish I could have seen you safe in the shelter of a good man's love + before I had to go away from you forever!" + +"Safe in the shelter of a good man's love," I repeated the words +thoughtfully. Had my mother been given her wish when she could no +longer witness its fulfilment? I was angry and humiliated at myself +that I could not give a swift, unqualified assent to my own question. +A "good man" Dicky certainly was, and I was in the "shelter of his +love" at present. But "safe" with Dicky I was afraid I could never +be. Mingled always with my love for him, my trust in him, was a +tiny undercurrent of uncertainty as to the stability of my husband's +affection for me. + +As I turned to my mother's letter again, there was a tiny pang at my +heart at the thought that by my marriage with Dicky I had thwarted the +dearest wish of my little mother's heart. + +For between the lines I could read the unspoken thought that had been +in her mind since I was a very young girl. "Safe in the shelter of a +good man's love" meant to my mother only one thing. If she had written +the words "safe in the shelter of Jack Bickett's love," I could not +have grasped her meaning more clearly. + +But my mother's wish must forever remain ungranted. Jack was +"somewhere in France," and for me, safe or not safe, stable or +unstable, Dicky was "my man," the only man I had ever loved, the only +man I could ever love. "For better or worse," the dear old minister +had said who performed our wedding ceremony, and my heart reaffirmed +the words as I bent my eyes again to the closely written pages I held +in my hands. + + "Because you have always been so bitter, Margaret, against your + father, and because it has always caused me great anguish to speak of + him, I have allowed you to rest under the impression that I had never + heard anything concerning him since his disappearance, and that I do + not know whether he be living or dead. The last statement is true, for + years ago I definitely refused to receive any communication from him, + but I must tell you that I believe him to be living, and that I know + that living or dead he has provided money for your use if you should + ever wish to claim it. + + "The address he last sent me, and that of the firm of lawyers who + has the management of the property intended for you, are sealed in + envelopes in this box. In it also are all the things necessary to + establish your identity, my marriage certificate, your birth record, + pictures of your father and of me, and of the three of us taken when + you were two years old, before the shadow of the awful tragedy that + came later had begun to fall." + +I sprang from my chair, dropping the pages of the letter unheeded in +the shock of the revelation they brought me. My father had planned for +me; had provided for me; had tried to communicate with my mother! He +must have been repentant; he was not all the heartless brute I had +thought him. As though a cloud had been lifted, from my life and a +weary weight had rolled from my heart, I turned again to mother's +letter. + + "Remember, it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be + living, sometime you may be reconciled, to him. I have been weak and + bitter enough during all these years to be meanly comforted by your + stanch championship of me, and your detestation of the wrong your + father did me. But death brings clearer vision, my child, and I cannot + wish that your father's last years,--if, indeed, he be living--should + be desolated by not knowing you. I want you to know that there were + many things which, while they did not extenuate your father, yet might + in some measure explain his action. + + "I was much to blame--I can see it now, for not being able to hold + his love. You are so much like me, my darling, that I tremble for your + happiness if you should happen to marry the wrong kind of man. I have + wondered often if the story of my tragedy, terrible as it is for me to + think of it, might not help you. And yet--it might do more harm than + good. At any rate, I have written it all out, and put it with the + other things in the box. I feel a curious sort of fatalism concerning + this letter. It is borne in upon me that if you ever need to read it + you will read it. It will help you to understand your father better. + It may help you to understand your husband; although, God grant, + knowledge like mine may never come to you. + + "Of one thing I am certain, you will never have anything to do with + the woman who abused my friendship and took your father from me. I + cannot carry my forgiveness far enough, even in the presence of death, + to bid you go to him if she be still a part of his life. + + "I can write no more, my darling. I want you to know that you have + been the dearest child a mother could have, and that you have never + given me moment's uneasiness in my life. God bless and keep you. + + "MOTHER." + +I did not weep when I had finished the letter. There was that in its +closing words that dried my tears. I put the pages reverently in +the envelope, laid it in the old box, closed and locked the lid, and +replaced it in the trunk. For my mother's bitter mention of the woman +who had stolen my father from her had brought back the old, wild +hatred I had felt for so many years. + +"Whatever Robert Gordon can tell me of you, mother darling, I will +gladly hear," I whispered, as I locked her old trunk, "but I never +want to hear him talk of the woman who so cruelly ruined your life." + + + + +XXXV + +THE WORD OF JACK + + +"O, pray do not let me disturb you." + +Mother Graham drew back from the open door of the living room with +a little affected start of surprise at seeing me sitting before the +fire. Her words were courteous, but her manner brought the temperature +of the room down perceptibly. + +She had managed to keep out of my way in clever fashion since the +scene of the day before, when she had attacked me concerning the +interest taken in me by Robert Gordon. + +"You are not disturbing me in the least," I said, pleasantly, "I was +simply watching the fire. Jim certainly has outdone himself in the +matter of logs this time." + +"Yes, he has," she admitted, grudgingly, as she came forward slowly +and took the chair I proffered her. "I only hope he doesn't set the +house afire with such a blaze. I must tell Richard to speak to him +about it." + +Always the pin prick, the absolute ignoring of me as the mistress of +the house. I could not tell whether she had deliberately done it, or +whether long usage to dominance in a household had made her speak as +she did unconsciously. + +I made no reply, and, for a long time, we sat staring at the fire +until Dicky's entrance came as a welcome interruption. + +I went sedately to the door to meet him, although I was so glad to +see him that a dance step would more appropriately have expressed my +feelings, and returned his warm kiss and greeting. He kept my hand in +his as he came down to the fire, not even releasing it when he kissed +his mother, who still maintained the rigid dignity with which she +surrounded herself when displeased. + +"Well," Dicky said, manfully ignoring any hint of unpleasantness, +"this is what I call comfortable, coming home to a fire and a welcome +like this on a dreary day." + +There was a note of forced jollity in his voice that made me look up +quickly into his eyes. As they looked into mine, I caught a glimpse of +something half-hidden, half-revealed, something fiercely sombre, which +frightened me. + +"What had happened," I asked myself, with a little clutch at my heart, +"to make Dicky look at me in this way?" I had a longing to take him +away where we could be alone. + +I was glad when my mother-in-law rose stiffly from her chair. + +"If you are too much occupied, Margaret," she remarked, icily, "I will +go and tell Katie that Richard is here, and that she may serve dinner +immediately." + +She swept out of the room majestically, and as the door closed after +her Dicky caught me in his arms and clasped me so closely that I was +frightened. + +"Tell me you love me," he said tensely, "better than anybody in the +world or out of it." His eyes were glowing with some emotion I could +not understand. I felt my vague uneasiness of his first entrance +deepen into real foreboding of something unknown and terrible coming +to me. + +"Why, of course, you know that, sweetheart," I replied. "There is no +one for me but just you! But what is the matter? Something must be the +matter." + +"Where did you get that idea?" he evaded. "I just wanted to be sure, +that's all. Wait here for me--I'll dash up and get some of the dust +off in a jiffy before dinner." + +I spent an anxious interval before, he came down, for, despite his +denials, I felt that something out of the ordinary must have happened +to cause his queer, passionate outburst. + +When he returned to, the living room, it was with no trace of any +emotion, and throughout the dinner, while not so given to conversation +as usual, he showed no indication that he was at all disturbed. + +But I was very glad when the dinner was over, and we returned to the +living-room fire. And when, after a few minutes, my mother-in-law +yawned sleepily and went to her room, I drew a deep breath of relief. + +Dicky drew my chair close to his, and we sat for a long time looking +at the leaping flames, only occasionally speaking. + +It was at the end of a long silence that Dicky turned toward me, with +eyes so troubled that all my fears leaped up anew. I sprang to my +feet. + +"What is it, Dicky?" I entreated, wildly. "Oh! I know something +terrible is the matter!" + +He rose from his chair, and clasped my hands tightly. + +"I suppose I'd better tell you quickly, dear," he replied. "Your +cousin, Jack Bickett, is reported killed." + +"Killed!" I repeated faintly. "Jack Bickett killed! Oh, no, no, +Dicky; no, no, no!" + +I heard my own voice rise to a sort of shriek, felt Dicky release my +hands and seize my shoulders, and then everything went black before +me, and I knew nothing more. + +When I came to myself, I was lying on the couch before the fire, with +my face and the front of my gown dripping with water, the strong smell +of hartshorn in the room, and Dicky with stern, white face, and Katie +in tears, hovering over me. + +Dicky was trying to force a spoon between my teeth when I opened my +eyes. He promptly dropped it, and the brandy it contained trickled +down my neck. I raised my hand to wipe it away, and Dicky uttered a +low, "Thank God!" + +"Oh, she no dead, she alive again!" Katie cried out, and threw herself +on her knees by my side, sobbing. + +"Get up, Katie, and stop that howling!" Dicky spoke sternly. "Do you +want to get my mother down here? Go upstairs at once and prepare Mrs. +Graham's bed for her. I will carry her up directly. Are you all right +now, Madge?" + +His tone was anxious, but there was a note of constraint in it, which +I understood even through the returning anguish at Dicky's terrible +news, which was possessing me with returning consciousness. + +He believed that my feeling for my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, was a +deeper one than that which I had always professed, a sisterly love for +the only near relative I had in the world. This was the reason for his +sudden, passionate embrace of me when he entered the house, his demand +that I tell him I loved him better than anybody in the world or out of +it. + +He had been jealous of Jack living, he would still be jealous of him +dead! But as the realization again swept over me that Jack, steadfast, +manly Jack, the only near relative I had, was no longer in the same +world with me, that never again would I see his kind eyes, hear his +deep, earnest voice, all thoughts of anything else but my loss fled +from me, and I gave a little moan. + +I felt Dicky's arm which was around my shoulders shrink away +instinctively, then tighten again. He turned my face against his +shoulder, and, gathering me in his arms, lifted me from the couch. + +"Oh, Dicky, I am sure I can walk," I protested faintly. + +He stopped and looked at me fixedly. + +"Don't you want my arms around you?" he asked, and there was that in +his voice which made me answer hastily: + +"Of course I do, but I am afraid I am too heavy." + +"Let me be the judge of that," he returned sternly, and forthwith +carried me up the stairs, down the hall, and laid me on the bed in my +own room. + +"Now you must get that wet gown off," he said practically. "Katie +emptied nearly a gallon of water over you in her fright." + +He smiled constrainedly, and I made a brave effort to return the +smile, but I could not accomplish it. Indeed, I was glad to be able to +keep back the tears, which I knew instinctively would hurt him. + +He undressed me as tenderly as a woman could have done, and, wrapping +a warm bathrobe over my nightdress, for I was shivering as if from +a chill, tucked me in between the blankets of my bed. Then he drew a +chair to the bedside and sat down. + +"Are you sure you are all right now?" he asked. "Your color is coming +back." + +"Perfectly sure," I returned, "and I am so sorry to have made you so +much trouble." + +"Don't say that," he returned, a trifle sharply. "It is so +meaningless. Try to sleep a little, can't you?" + +"Not yet, Dicky," I returned. "I am feeling much better, however. Of +course, the shock was terrible at first, for, as you know, Jack was +the only brother I ever knew. But I am all right now and I want you to +tell me how you learned the news." + +"Mrs. Stewart telephoned to me," he said. "It seems your cousin gave +her as the 'next of kin,' to be notified in case of his death, and +she received the notice this morning. There was nothing but the usual +official notification." + +I caught my breath, stifling the moan that rose to my lips. Somewhere +in France lay buried the tenderest heart, the manliest man God ever +put into the world. And I had sent him to his death. Despite the +comforting assurance Jack had written me, just before his departure +for France, that his discovery of my marriage, with the consequent +blasting of the hope he had cherished for years, had not been the +cause of his sailing, I knew he would never have left me if I had not +been married. + +I think Dicky must have read my thoughts in my face, for, after a +moment, he said gently, yet with a tenseness which told me he was +putting a rigid control over his voice: + +"You must not blame yourself so harshly. Your cousin would probably +have gone to the war even if--circumstances had been different." + +There was that in Dicky's voice and eyes which told me that he, too, +was suffering. I gathered my strength together, made a supreme effort +to put the sorrow and remorse I felt behind me until I could be alone. +I knew that I must strive at once to eradicate the false impression +my husband had gained as a result of my reception of the news of my +brother-cousin's death. + +So I forced my lips to words which, while not utterly false, yet did +not at all reveal the truth of what I was feeling. + +"I know that, Dicky," I returned, and I tried to hold my voice to a +conversational tone. "He went with his dearest friend, a Frenchman, +you know. I had nothing to do with his going. It isn't that which +makes me feel as I do. It is because his death brings back my mother's +so plainly. He was always so good to her, and she loved him so much." + +Dicky bent his face so quickly to mine that I could not catch his +expression. He kissed me tenderly, and, kneeling down by the side of +the bed, gathered my head up against his shoulder. + +"Cry it all out, if you want to, sweetheart," he said, and I fancied +the tension was gone from his voice. "It will do you good." + +So, "cry it out" I did, against the blessed shelter of my husband's +shoulder. And the tears seemed to wash away all the shock of the +news I had, heard, all the bitter, morbid remorse I had felt, all +the secret wonder as to whether I might have loved and married my +brother-cousin if Dicky had not come into my life. There was left only +a sane, sisterly sorrow for a loved brother's death, and a tremendous +surge of love for my husband, and gratitude for his tenderness. + +"Try to sleep if you can," he said. + +I tried to obey his injunction, but I could not. I could see the hands +of my little bedroom clock, and after the longest quarter of an hour I +had ever known I turned restlessly on my pillow. + +"It's no use, Dicky," I said, "I cannot go to sleep. I would rather +talk. Tell me, did Mrs. Stewart's voice sound as if she were much +upset? She is an old woman, you know, and she was very fond of Jack." + +Dicky hesitated, and a curious, intent expression came into his eyes. + +"Yes, I think she was pretty well broken up," he answered, "but the +thing about which she seemed most anxious was that you should not lose +any time in attending to the property your cousin left. I believe he +wrote you concerning his disposition of it before he sailed." + +I looked up, startled. Dicky's words brought something to my mind +that I had completely forgotten. I was the heiress to all that Jack +possessed, not great wealth, it is true, but enough to insure me a +modest competence for the rest of my life. + +"Do you object to my taking this money, Dicky?" I asked, and my voice +was tense with emotion. + +"Object!" the words came from Dicky's mouth explosively, then he +jumped to his feet and paced up and down the room rapidly for a moment +or two, his jaw set, his eyes stern. When he stopped by the bed he had +evidently recovered his hold on himself, but his words came quickly, +jerkily, almost as if he were afraid to trust himself to speak. + +"You are in no condition to discuss this tonight," he said, dropping +his hand on my hair, "we will speak of it again tomorrow, when you +have somewhat recovered. Now you must try to go to sleep. I shall have +to call a physician if you don't." + +I lay awake for hours, debating the problem which had come to me. I +saw clearly that Dicky did not wish me to take this bequest of Jack's. +Indeed, I knew that he expected me to refuse it, and that he would be +bitterly disappointed if I did not do so. + +My heart was hot with rebellion. It seemed like a profanation of +Jack's last wish, like hurling a gift into the face of the dead, to do +as Dicky wished. + +And yet--Dicky was my husband. I had sworn to love and honor him. I +knew that he felt sincerely, however wrongly, that my acceptance of +Jack's gift would be a direct slap at him. I felt as if my heart were +being torn in two, with my desire to do justice both to the living +and the dead. It was not until nearly daylight that the solution of my +problem came to me. Then I fell asleep, exhausted, and did not awaken +until Dicky came into the room, dressed for the journey which he took +daily to the city. + +"I wouldn't disturb you, sweetheart," he said, "only it's time for +me to go in to the studio, and I did not want to leave you without +knowing how you are." + +"Oh, have I slept so late?" I returned, contritely, springing up in +bed. + +Dicky put me back with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," he commanded, gently. "Katie will bring you up some +breakfast shortly, and there is no need of your getting up for hours." + +He bent down to kiss me good-by. There was a restraint in both +his voice and his caress that told me he was still thinking of the +conversation of the night before. I put my arms about his neck and +drew his face down to mine. + +"Sweetheart," I whispered, "I want to tell you what I've decided about +Jack's property." + +"Not now," Dicky interrupted hurriedly. + +"Yes, now," I returned decidedly. "I am going to accept it"--I gripped +his hands firmly as I felt them drawing away from mine, "but I am not +going to use any of it for myself. I will see that it all goes to the +orphaned kiddies of the soldiers with whom Jack fought." + +Dicky started, looked at me a bit wildly, then stooped, and, gathering +me to him convulsively, pressed a long, tender kiss upon my lips. + +"My own girl!" he murmured. "I shall not forget that you have done +this for me!" + + + + +XXXVI + +"AND YET--" + + +"What's the big idea?" + +Dicky looked up from the breakfast table with a mildly astonished air +as I came hurriedly into the room dressed for the street, wearing my +hat, and carrying my coat over my arm. + +"I'm going into town with you," I returned quietly. + +"Shopping, I suppose." The words sounded idle enough, but I, who knew +Dicky so well, recognized the note of watchfulness in the query. + +"I shall probably go into some of the shops before I return," I said +carelessly, "but the real reason of my going into the city is Mrs. +Stewart. I should have gone to see her yesterday." + +Dicky frowned involuntarily, but his face cleared again in an instant. +It was the second day after he had brought me the terrible news that +Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, was reported killed "somewhere in +France." I knew that Dicky, in his heart, did not wish me to go to see +Mrs. Stewart, but I also knew that he was ashamed to give voice to his +reluctance. + +When Dicky spoke at last, it was with just the right shade of cordial +acquiescence in his voice. + +"Of course you must go to see her," he said, "but are you sure you're +feeling fit enough? It will try your nerves, I imagine." + +Far better than Dicky could guess I knew what the day's ordeal would +be. Mrs. Stewart had been very fond of my brother-cousin. With my +mother, she had hoped that he and I would some day care for each +other. With her queer partisan ideas of loyalty, when Dicky had been +so cruelly unjust to me about Jack, she had wished me to divorce Dicky +and marry Jack, even though Jack himself had never whispered such a +solution of my life's problem. That she believed me to be responsible +for his going to the war I knew. I dreaded inexpressibly the idea of +facing her. + +But when, after a rather silent trip to the city with Dicky, I stood +again in Mrs. Stewart's little upstairs sitting-room, I found only a +very sorrowful old woman, not a reproachful one. + +"I thought you'd come today," she said, and her voice was tired, +dispirited. I felt a sudden compunction seize me that my visits to her +had been so few since Jack's going. + +"I couldn't have kept away," I said, and then my old friend dropped my +hand, which she had been holding, and, sinking into a chair, put her +wrinkled old hands up to her face. I saw the slow tears trickling +through her fingers, and I knelt by her side and drew her head against +my shoulder, comforting her as she once had comforted me. + +Mrs. Stewart was never one to give way to emotion, and it was but a +few moments before she drew herself erect, wiped her eyes, and said +quietly: + +"I'll show you the cablegram." + +She went to her desk, and drew out the message, clipped, abbreviated +in the puzzling fashion of cablegrams: + + "Regret inform you, Bickett killed, action French front. Details + later." + + (Signed) "CAILLARD." + +"Caillard? Caillard?" Where had I heard that name? Then I suddenly +remembered. Paul Caillard was the friend with whom Jack had gone +across the ocean to the Great War. I examined the paper carefully. + +"I thought Dicky said you received the usual official notification," I +remarked. + +"That's what I told him," she replied. "That's it." + +"But this isn't an official message," I persisted. + +"Why isn't it?" + +I explained the difference haltingly, and spoke of the wonderful +system of identification in the French army, with every man tagged +with a metal identification check. + +"You will probably receive the official notification in a few days," I +commented. + +A queer, startled expression flashed into her face. She opened her +mouth, as if to speak, and then, looking at me sharply, closed +it again. Reaching out her hand for the cablegram, she folded it +mechanically, as if thinking of something far away, then going to her +desk, put it away, and stood as if thinking deeply for two or three +minutes, which seemed an hour to me. + +At last I saw her body straighten. She gave a little shake of her +shoulders, as if rousing herself, and, turning from the desk, came +toward me. I saw that she held in her hand a bundle of letters. + +"I understand that you and Jack made some fool agreement that he was +not to write to you, and that you were not even to read his letters +to me. I'm not expressing my opinion about it, but now that he's gone, +I'm going to turn these letters over to you. I'm not blind, you know. +Most of them were all really written to you, even if I did receive +them. Poor lad! It seems such a pity he should be struck down just as +a little happiness seemed coming his way." + +She put the letters in my hands, and, turning swiftly, went out of +the room. I knew her well enough to realize that she would not return +until I had read the messages from Jack. But what in the world did she +mean by her last words? + +I drew a big, easy chair to the fireside, and began to read the +missives. Some were short, some were long, but all were filled with +a quiet courage and cheerfulness that I knew had illuminated not only +Jack's letters to his old friend, but his life and the lives of others +wherever he had been. Every one of them had some reference to me--an +inquiry after my health, an injunction to Mrs. Stewart to be sure to +keep track of my happiness, a little kodak print or other souvenir +marked "For Margaret if I do not come back." + +I felt guilty, remorseful, that I had seen so little of Mrs. Stewart +since his departure. My own affairs, especially my long, terrible +summer's experience with Grace Draper, had shut everything else from +my mind. + +One letter in particular made my eyes brim with sudden tears. The +first of it had been cheery, with entertaining little accounts of the +few poor bits of humor which the soldiers in the trenches extracted +from their terrible every day round. Along toward the end a sudden +impulse seemed to have swept the writer's pen into a more sombre +channel. + +"I have been thinking much, dear old friend," he wrote, "of the +futility of human desires. Life in the trenches is rather conducive to +that form of mediation, as you may imagine. You know, none better, +how I loved Margaret, how I wanted to make her my wife--I often wonder +whether if I had not delayed so long, 'fearing my fate too much,' +I might not have won her. But thoughts, like that are worse than +useless. + +"Instead, there has come to me a clearer understanding of Margaret, a +better insight into the golden heart of her. If she had never met +the other man, or some one like him, I believe I could have made her +happy, kept her contented. But I realize fully that having met him +there could never be any other man for her but him. Her love for him +is like a flame, transforming her. I could never have called forth +such passion from her. I see clearly now how foolish it was in me to +have hoped it. There was nothing in the humdrum, commonplace brotherly +affection which she thought I gave her to arouse the romance which I +know slumbers under that calm, cold exterior of hers. + +"Sometimes I query, too, whether my love for Margaret had that +flame-like quality which characterizes her love for her husband. +Margaret has always been so much a part of my life that my love for +her began I could not tell when, and grew and strengthened with the +years. There never has been any other woman but Margaret in my life. +Even if I should ever come out of this living hell, which I doubt, I +do not believe there ever will be another. + +"And yet--" + +"I have just been summoned for duty. Good-by, dear friend, until the +next time. Lovingly yours, Jack Bickett." + +I laid the letter aside with a queer little startled feeling at my +heart. + +Those two little words, "and yet," at the end of Jack's letter gave me +much food for thought. Was it possible that before his death Jack had +realized that his love for me was not the consuming passion he had +thought it, but partook more of the fraternal affection that I had had +for him? + +I hoped for Jack's sake that this was so. + +"And yet--" + +I ran through the rest of the letters rapidly. One, the third from the +last, arrested my attention sharply. + +"Such a pleasant thing happened to me today," Jack wrote, "one of the +unexpected gleams of sunlight that are so much brighter because of the +general gloom against which they are reflected. + +"I was given a week's furlough last Saturday and went up to Paris with +my friend, Paul Caillard. He had a friend in a hospital on the way +there, headed by Dr. Braithwaite, the celebrated surgeon of Detroit." + +I caught my breath. As well as if I had already read the words, I knew +what was coming. + +"At an unexpected turn in the corridor I almost knocked over a +little nurse who was hurrying toward the office. She looked up at +me startled, out of the prettiest brown eyes I ever saw, and then +stopped, staring at me as if I had been a ghost. I stared back, +frankly, for her face was familiar to me, although for the moment I +could not tell where I had seen her before. + +"Then, half-shyly, she spoke, and her voice matched her eyes. + +"'You are Mr. Bickett, are you not, Mrs. Graham's cousin?' + +"For a moment I did not realize that 'Mrs. Graham' was Margaret. But +that gave me no clue to the identity of the girl. Then all at once it +came to me. + +"'I know you now,' I said. 'You are Mark Earle's little sister, +Katherine.'" + +So they had met at last, Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, and +Katherine Sonnot, the little nurse who had taken care of my +mother-in-law, and whom I had learned to love as a dear friend. + +Was I glad or sorry, I wondered, as I picked up Jack's letter again +that I had crushed any feeling I might have had in the matter, and +had spoken the word to Dr. Braithwaite that resulted in Katharine's +joining the eminent surgeon's staff of nurses? It seemed a pity to +have these two meet only to be torn apart so soon by death. + +"I cannot begin to tell you how delighted I was when we recognized +each other. You can imagine over here that to one American the meeting +with another American, especially if both have the same friends, is +an event. Luckily, Miss Sonnot was just about to have an afternoon off +when we met, and if she had an engagement--which she denied--she was +kind enough to break it for me. I need not tell you that I spent the +most delightful afternoon I have had since coming over here. + +"You can be sure that I at once exerted all the influence I had +through my friend, Caillard, and his friend in the hospital to secure +as much free time for Miss Sonnot as possible for the time I was to be +on furlough. It is like getting home after being away so long to talk +to this brave, sensible, beautiful young girl--for she deserves all of +the adjectives." + +In the two letters which were the last ones numbered by Mrs. Stewart, +Jack spoke again and again of the little nurse. Almost the last line +of his last letter, written after he returned to the front, spoke of +her. + +"Little Miss Sonnot and I correspond," he wrote, "and you can have +no idea how much good her letters do me. They are like fresh, sweet +breezes glowing through the miasma of life in the trenches." + +I folded the letters, put them back into their envelopes, and arranged +them as Mrs. Stewart had given them to me. When she came back into the +room she found me still holding them and staring into the fire. + +"Did you read them all?" she asked. + +"Yes," I replied. + +"Don't you think those last ones sounded as if he were really getting +interested in that little nurse?" she demanded. + +There was a peculiar intonation in her voice which told me that in +her own queer little way she was trying to punish me for my failure +to come to see her oftener with inquiries about Jack. She evidently +thought that my vanity would be piqued at the thought of Jack becoming +interested in any other woman after his life-long devotion to me. + +But I flatter myself that my voice was absolutely non-committal as I +answered her. + +"Yes, I do," I agreed, "and what a tragedy it seems that he should be +snatched away from the prospect of happiness." + +The words were sincere. I was sure. + +And yet-- + + + + +XXXVII + +A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + +"Well, children, have you made any plans for Dicky's birthday yet?" + +I nearly fell off my chair in astonishment at the friendliness in my +mother-in-law's tones. She had been sulky ever since we had come home +from our autumn outing in the Catskills, a sulkiness caused by her +resentment of what she chose to consider the indiscreet interest +taken in me by Robert Gordon, the mysterious millionaire whom I had +discovered to be an old friend of my parents. I shrewdly suspected, +however, that her continued resentment was more because Dicky chose +to take my part in the matter against her, than because of any real +feeling toward Mr. Gordon. + +Nearly a year's experience, however, had taught me how best to manage +my mother-in-law. When she indulged herself in one of her frequent +"tantrums" I adopted a carefully courteous, scrupulously formal +attitude toward her, and dismissed her from my mind. Thus I saved +myself much worry and irritation, and deprived her of the pleasure +of a quarrel, something which I knew she would be glad to bring on +sometimes for the sheer pleasure of combat. + +Her question was so sudden, her cordiality so surprising, that I could +frame no answer. Instead I looked helplessly at Dicky. To tell +the truth, I rather distrusted this sudden amiability. From past +experiences, I knew that when Mother Graham made a sudden change from +sulkiness to cheerfulness, she had some scheme under way. + +Dicky's answer was prompt. + +"That's entirely up to Madge, mother," he said, and smiled at me. + +Although his mother tried hard she could not keep the acerbity out of +her tones as she turned to me. She always resented any deference of +Dicky to my opinion. + +"Well, as Richard has no opinion of his own, what are your plans, +Margaret?" + +"Why, I have made none so far," I stammered, wishing with all my heart +that I had made some definite plan for Dicky's birthday. I could see +from my mother-in-law's manner that she had some cherished scheme in +mind, and my prophetic soul told me that it would be something which I +would not particularly like. + +"Good," she returned. "Then I shall not be interfering with any plan +of yours. I have already written to Elizabeth asking them to come out +here for a week's visit. This is an awful shack, of course, but it +is the country, and the children will enjoy the woods and brooks and +fields, even if it is cold." + +Dicky turned to her abruptly, his brow stormy, his eyes flashing. + +"Mother, do you mean to say that you have already written to Elizabeth +without first consulting Madge as to whether it would be convenient?" + +I trod heavily on his toes under the table in the vain hope that I +would be able to stop him from saying the words which I knew would +inflame his mother's temper. Failing in that, I hastened to throw a +sentence or two of my own into the breach in the desire to prevent +further hostilities. + +"Dicky, stop talking nonsense!" I said sharply. "I am sure Mother +Graham," turning to my mother-in-law who sat regarding her son with +the most traditional of "stony stares," "we shall be delighted to have +your daughter and her family. You must tell me how many there are +so we can arrange for beds and plenty of bedding. This is a rather +draughty house, you know." + +"I am better aware of that than you are," she returned, ungraciously +making no response to my proffer of hospitality. Then she turned her +attention to Dicky. + +"Richard," she said sternly, "I have never been compelled to consult +anybody yet, before inviting guests to my home, whether it be a +permanent or a temporary one. I am too old to begin. I do not notice +that you or Margaret take the trouble to consult me before inviting +your friends here." + +Dicky opened his mouth to reply, but I effectually stopped him, by a +swift kick, which I think found a mark, for he jumped perceptibly +and flashed me a wrathful look. I knew that he was thinking of the +strenuous objection his mother had made to our entertaining the +Underwoods, and to the proposed visit of Robert Gordon to our home. +But I knew also that it was no time to rake up old scores. I foresaw +trouble enough in this proposed visit of my relatives-in-law whom I +had never seen, without having things complicated by a row between +Dicky and his mother. + +There was trouble, too, in all the housecleaning, the re-arrangement +of our rooms and in the laying in of a stock of provisions to meet +the requirements of the menu for each meal that Mother Graham insisted +upon deciding in advance to please her daughter and the children. And +then, the day they were to arrive, she received a special delivery +letter calmly announcing that they were not coming. But my +annoyance was forgotten in Mother Graham's very apparent and utter +disappointment. + +When I broke the news to Dicky he suggested that we have a party +anyway, and Mother Graham sweetly acquiesced in our plans to invite +the Underwoods. + +Lillian's voice over the telephone, however, made me forget all my +contentment, and filled me with misgiving. It was tense, totally +unlike her usual bluff, hearty tones, and with an undercurrent in it +that spelled tragedy. + +"What is the trouble, Lillian?" I asked, as soon as I had heard her +greeting; "I know something is the matter by your voice." + +"Yes, there is," she replied, "but nothing of which I can speak +over the 'phone. Tell me, are you going to have any strangers there +tomorrow?" + +How like Lillian the bluff, honest speech was! Almost any other woman +would have hypocritically assured me that nothing was the matter. But +not Lillian Underwood! + +"Nobody but the Durkees," I assured her. "They have already promised +to be here. But, Lillian, you surely must get here as soon as you can. +I shall be so worried until I see you. If you don't get here early +tomorrow morning I shall come in after you." + +"You couldn't keep me away, you blessed child, if you are going to +have no strangers there," Lillian returned. "I don't mind the Durkees. +But I need you, my dear, very much. Now I must tell you something, +don't be shocked or surprised when you see me, for I shall be somewhat +changed in appearance. Run along to Dicky now. I'll be with you some +time tomorrow forenoon. Good-by." + +I almost forgot to hang up the telephone receiver in my bewilderment. +What trouble could have come to Lillian that she needed me? She was +the last person in the world to need any one, I thought--she, whose +sterling good sense and unfailing good-nature had helped me so +many times. And what change in her appearance did she mean when she +cautioned me against being shocked and surprised at seeing her? + +My anxiety concerning Lillian stayed with me all through the evening. +I awoke in the night from troubled dreams of her to equally troubled +thoughts concerning her. And my concern was complicated by a message +which Dicky received the next forenoon. + +We had barely finished breakfast when the telephone rang and Dicky +answered. + +"Hello," I heard him say. "Yes, this is Graham. Oh! Mr. Gordon! how do +you do?" + +My heart skipped a beat. + +"Why! that's awfully kind of you," Dicky was saying, "but we couldn't +possibly accept, because we have guests coming ourselves. We expect to +have a regular old-fashioned country dinner here at home. But, why +do you not come out to us? Oh, no, you wouldn't disturb any plans at +all--they've been thoroughly upset already. We had planned to have +my sister and her family, six in all, spend this holiday with us, but +yesterday we found they could not come. So we're inviting what friends +we can find who are not otherwise engaged to help us eat up the +turkey. You will be more than welcome if you will join us. All right, +then. Do you know about trains? Yes, any taxi driver can tell you +where we are. Good-by." + +I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law as Dicky came toward us +after answering Robert Gordon's telephone message. + +I think Dicky was a trifle afraid, also, of his mother's verdict, for +his attitude was elaborately apologetic as he explained his invitation +to me. + +"Your friend, Gordon, has just gotten in from one of those mysterious +voyages of his to parts unknown," he said. "He was delayed in reaching +the city, only got in last night, too late to telephone us. Seems +he had some cherished scheme of having us his guests at a blowout. +Wouldn't mind going if we hadn't asked these people here, for they say +his little dinners are something to dream about, they're so unique. Of +course, there was nothing else for me to do but to invite him out. I +thought you wouldn't mind." + +In Dicky's tone there was a doubtful inflection which I read +correctly. He knew of my interest in the elderly man of mystery who +had known my parents so well, and I was sure that he thought I would +be overjoyed because he had extended the invitation. + +I was glad that I could honestly disabuse his mind of this idea, for I +had a curious little feeling that Dicky disliked more than he appeared +to do the attentions paid to me by Mr. Gordon. + +It was less than an hour before the taxi bearing the first of our +guests swung into the driveway and Lillian and Harry Underwood stepped +out. + +Lillian's head and face were so swathed in veils that I did not +realize what the change in her appearance of which she had warned me +was until I was alone with her in my room, which I intended giving up +to her and her husband while they stayed. Then, as she took off her +hat and veils, I almost cried out in astonishment--for at my first, +unaccustomed glance, instead of the rouged and powdered face, and dyed +hair, which to me had been the only unpleasant things about Lillian +Underwood, the face of an old woman looked at me, and the hair above +it was gray! + +There were the remnants of great youthful beauty in Lillian's face. +Nay, more, there were wonderful possibilities when the present crisis +in her life, whatever it might be, should have passed. But the effect +of the change in her was staggering. + +"Awful, isn't it?" she said, coming up to me. "No, don't lie to me," +as she saw a confused, merciful denial rise to my lips. "There are +mirrors everywhere, you know. There's one comfort, I can't possibly +ever look any worse than I do now, and when my hair gets over the +effect of its long years of dyeing, and my present emotional crisis +becomes less tense I probably shall not be such a fright. But oh, my +dear, how glad I am to be with you. I need you so much just now." + +She put her head on my shoulder as a homesick child might have done, +and I felt her draw two or three long, shuddering breaths, the dry +sobs which take the place of tears in the rare moments when Lillian +Underwood gives way to emotion. I stroked her hair with tender, +pitiful fingers, noticing as I did so what ravages her foolish +treatment of her hair had made in tresses that must once have been +beautiful. Originally of the blonde tint she had tried to preserve, +her locks were now an ugly mixture of dull drab and gray. As I stood +looking down at the head pillowed against my shoulder I realized what +this transformation in Lillian must mean to Harry Underwood. + +He it was who had always insisted that she follow the example of the +gay Bohemian crowd of which he was a leader, and disguise her fleeting +youth, with dye and rouge. It was to please him, or, as she once +expressed it to me, "to play the game fairly with Harry" that she +outraged her own instincts, her sense of what was decent and becoming, +and constantly made up her face into a mask like that of a woman of +the half-world. No one could deny that it disguised her real age, but +her best friends, including Dicky and myself, had always felt that the +real mature beauty of the woman was being hidden. + +"Of course, this is terribly rough on Harry," Lillian said at last, +raising her head from my shoulder, and speaking in as ordinary and +unruffled a tone as if she had not just gone through what in any other +woman would have been a hysterical burst of tears. + +"It really isn't fair to him, and under any other conditions in the +world I would not do it. He's pretty well cut up about it, so much so +that he cannot always control his annoyance when he is speaking about +it. But I know you will overlook any little outbreaks of his, won't +you? He wanted to come down here with me, you know he's always anxious +to see you, or I would have run away by myself." + +Her tone was anxious, wistful, and my heart ached for her. I could +guess that when Harry Underwood could not "control his annoyance" he +could be very horrid indeed. But I winced at her casual remark that +her husband was always anxious to see me. Harry Underwood held in +restraint by his very real admiration for his brilliant wife had been +annoying enough to me. I did not care to think what he might be when +enraged at her as I knew he must be now. + +Nothing of my feeling, however, must I betray to the friend who had +come to me for help and comfort. I drew closer the arms that had not +yet released her. + +"Dear girl," I said softly, "don't worry any more about your husband +or anything else. Just consider that you've come home to your sister. +I'm going to keep you awhile now I've got you, and we'll straighten +everything out. Don't even bother to tell me anything about it until +you are fully rested. I can see you've been under some great strain." + +"No one can ever realize how great," she returned. "You see--" + +What revelation she meant to make to me I did not then learn, for just +at that moment a knock sounded on the door, and in answer to my "come +in," Katie appeared and announced the arrival of the Durkees and +Richard Gordon. + + + + +XXXVIII + +"NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + +"Tell me, Madge," Dicky's tone was tense, and I recognized the note of +jealous anger which generally preceded his scenes, "are you going to +have that old goat take you out to dinner? Because if you are--" + +He broke off abruptly, as if he thought an unspoken threat would be +more terrifying than one put into words. I knew to what he referred. +As hostess, I, of course, should be escorted in to dinner by the +stranger in our almost family party, Robert Gordon, who was also the +oldest man present. Ordinarily, Dicky would have realized that his +demand to have me change this conventional arrangement was a most +ill-bred and inconsiderate thing. But Dicky sane and Dicky jealous, +however, were two different men. + +Always before this day Dicky had regarded with tolerant amusement the +strange interest shown in me by the elderly man of mystery who had +known my mother. But the magnificent chrysanthemums which Mr. Gordon +had brought me, dozens of them, costing much more money than the +ordinary conventional floral gift to one's hostess ought to cost, had +roused his always smouldering jealousy to an unreasoning pitch. + +Fear of hurting Robert Gordon's feelings was the one consideration +that held me back from defying Dicky's mandate. Experience had taught +me the best course to pursue with Dicky. + +"If, as I suppose, you are referring to Mr. Gordon, it may interest +you to know that I have not the faintest intention of going in to +dinner with him," I retorted coolly. "Lillian wants to talk with him +about South America, and I shall have your friend, Mr. Underwood, as +my escort." + +"Gee, how happy you'll be," sneered Dicky, but I could see that he was +relieved at my information. "You're so fond of dear old Harry, aren't +you?" + +"To tell you the truth, I have to fight all the time against becoming +too fond of him," I returned mockingly. "He can be dangerously +fascinating, you know." + +Dicky laughed in a way that showed me his brainstorm over Robert +Gordon had been checked. But there was a startled look in his eyes +which changed to a more speculative scrutiny before he moved away. + +"Oh, old Harry's all right," he said. "He's my pal, and he never means +anything, anyway." But I noticed that he said it as if he were trying +to convince himself of the truth of his assertion. + +When I told Harry Underwood that he was to take me in to dinner, and +we were leading the way into the dining room, his brilliant black eyes +looked down into mine mockingly, and he said: + +"You see it is Fate. No matter how you struggle against it you cannot +escape me." + +"Do I look as if I were struggling?" I laughed back, and saw a sudden +expression of bewilderment in his eyes, followed instantly by a flash +of triumph. + +Everything that was cattishly feminine in me leaped to life at that +look in the eyes of the man whom I detested, whom I had even feared. +I could read plainly enough in his eyes that he thought the assiduous +flatteries he had always paid me were commencing to have their result, +that I was beginning to recognize the dangerous fascination he was +reputed to have for women of every station. I had a swift, savage +desire to avenge the women he must have made suffer, to hurt him as +before dinner he had wounded Lillian. + +So instead of turning an impassive face to Mr. Underwood's remark, I +listened with just the hint of an elusive mischievous smile twisting +my lips. + +"No, you don't look very uncomfortable. You look"--he caught his +breath as if with some emotion too strong for utterance, and then said +a trifle huskily: + +"Will you let me tell you how you look to me?" + +I had to exercise all my self-control to keep from laughing in +his face. He was such a poseur, his simulation of emotion was +so melodramatic that I wondered if he really imagined I would be +impressed by it. + +A spirit of mischievous daring stirred in me. + +"Don't tell me just now," I said softly. "Wait till after dinner." + +"Afraid?" he challenged. + +"Perhaps," I countered. + +He gave my hand lying upon his arm a swift, furtive pressure and +released it so quickly that there was no possibility of his being +observed. I had no time to rebuke him, had I been so disposed, for we +had almost reached our places at the table. + +I do not remember much of the dinner over which Mother Graham, Katie +and I had worked so assiduously. That everything went off smoothly, as +we had planned, that from the Casaba melons which were served first to +the walnuts of the last course, everything was delicious in flavor and +perfect in service I was gratefully but dimly aware. + +For I felt as if I were on the brink of a volcano. Not because of +Harry Underwood's elaborate show of attention to me to which I was +pretending to respond, much to the disgust of my mother-in-law, but on +account of the queer behavior of Robert Gordon. + +Lillian, who was making a pitifully brave attempt to bring to the +occasion all the airy brightness with which she was wont to make any +gathering favored by her presence a success, secured only the briefest +responses from him, although he had taken her out to dinner. Sometimes +he made no answer at all to her remarks, evidently not hearing them. + +He watched me almost constantly, and so noticeable was his action that +I saw every one at the table was aware of it. It was a gaze to set any +one's brain throbbing with wild conjectures, so mournful, so elusive +it was. The fantastic thought crossed my mind that this mysterious +elderly friend of my dead mother's looked like a long famished man, +coming suddenly in sight of food. + +By the time the dinner was over I was intensely nervous. Katie +served us our coffee in the living room, and when I took mine my hand +trembled so that the tiny cup rattled against the saucer. I rose from +my chair and walked to the fireplace, set the cup upon the mantel and +stood looking into the blazing logs Jim had heaped against the old +chimney. My guests could not see my face, and I hoped to be able to +pull myself together. + +"Ready to have me tell you how you look to me, now?" said Harry +Underwood's voice, softly, insidiously in my ear. + +I started and moved a little away from him, which brought me nearer +to the fire. The next moment I was wildly beating at little tongues of +flame running up the flimsy fabric of my dress. + +I heard hoarse shouts, shrill screams, felt rough hands seize me, and +wrap me in heavy, stifling cloth, which seemed to press the flames +searingly down into my flesh, and then for a little I knew no more. + +It seemed only a moment that I lost consciousness. When I came back to +myself I was lying on the couch with Lillian Underwood's deft, tender +fingers working over me. From somewhere back of me Dicky's voice +sounded in a hoarse, gasping way that terrified me. + +"For God's sake, Lil, is she--" + +Lillian's voice, firm, reassuring, answered: + +"No, Dicky, no, she's pretty badly burned, I fear, but I am sure she +will be all right. Now, dear boy, get your mother to her room and make +her lie down. Mrs. Durkee and I can take care of Madge better with you +all out of the way. Did you get a doctor, Alfred?" + +"Coming as soon as he can get here," Alfred Durkee replied. + +"Good," Lillian returned. "Now everybody except Mrs. Durkee get out +of here. Katie, bring a blanket, some sheets, and one of Mrs. Graham's +old nightdresses from her room. I shall have to cut the gown." + +Even through the terrible scorching heat which seemed to envelop my +body I realized that Lillian, as always, was dominating the situation. +I could hear the snip of her scissors as she cut away the pieces of +burned cloth, and the low-toned directions to Mrs. Durkee, which told +me that Lillian already had secured our first aid kit and was giving +me the treatment necessary to alleviate my pain until the physician +should arrive. + +I am sorry to confess it, but I am a coward where physical pain is +concerned. I am not one of those women who can bear the torturing +pangs of any illness or accident without an outcry. And, struggle as I +might, I could not repress the moan which rose to my lips. + +"I know, child." Lillian's tender hands held my writhing ones, her +pitying eyes looked into mine; but she turned from me the next moment +in amazement, for Robert Gordon, the mysterious man who had loved my +mother, appeared, as if from nowhere, at her side, twisting his hands +together and muttering words which I could not believe to be real, +so strange and disjointed were they. I felt that they must be only +fantasies of my confused brain. + +"Mr. Gordon, this will never do," Lillian said sternly. "I thought I +had sent every one out of the room except Mrs. Durkee." + +"I know--I am going right away again. But I had to come this time. Is +she going to die?" + +"Not if I can get a chance to attend to her without everybody +bothering me. I am very sure she is not seriously injured. Now, you +must go away." + +Mr. Gordon fled at once. And Lillian, and Mrs. Durkee worked so +swiftly and skillfully that when the physician, a kindly, elderly +practitioner from Crest Haven arrived, my pain had been assuaged. + +By his direction I was carried to my own room. I must have fainted +before they moved me, for the next thing I remember was the sound of +the doctor's voice. + +"There is nothing to be alarmed over," the physician was saying to a +shadowy some one at the head of my bed, a some one who was breathing +heavily, and the trembling of whose body I could feel against the bed. +"Of course, the shock has been severe, and the pain of moving her was +too much for her. But she is coming round nicely. You may speak to her +now." + +The shadowy some one moved forward a little, resolved itself to my +clearing sight as my husband. He knelt beside the bed and put his lips +to my uninjured hand. + +"Sweetheart! Sweetheart!" he murmured, "my own girl! Is the pain very +bad?" + +"Not now," I answered faintly, trying to smile, but only succeeding +in twisting my mouth into a grimace of pain. The flames had mercifully +spared my hair and most of my face, but there was one burn upon +one side of my throat, extending up into my cheek, which made it +uncomfortable for me to move the muscles of my face. + +"Don't try to talk," Dicky replied. "Just lie still and let us take +care of you. Lil will stay, I know, until we can get a nurse here, +won't you, Lil?" + +As a frightened child might do, I turned my eyes to Lillian, +beseechingly. + +"No--nurse--just--Lillian," I faltered. + +Lillian stooped over me reassuringly. + +"No one shall touch you but me," she said decisively, and then turning +to the physician, said demurely: + +"Do you think I can be trusted with the case, doctor?" + +"Most assuredly," the physician returned heartily. "Indeed, if you can +stay it is most fortunate for Mrs. Graham. Good trained nurses are at +a premium just now, and great care will be necessary in this case to +prevent disfigurement!" + +A quick, stifled exclamation of dismay came from Dicky. + +"Is there any danger of her face being scarred?" he asked worriedly. + +"Not while I'm on the job," Lillian returned decisively, and there was +no idle boasting in her statement, simply quiet certainty. + +But there was another note in her voice, or so it seemed to my +feverish imagination, a note of scorn for Dicky, that he should be +thinking of my possible disfigurement when my very life had been in +question but a moment before. + +A sick terror crept over me. Did my husband love me only for what poor +claims to pulchritude I possessed? Suppose the physician should be +mistaken, and I be hideously scarred, after all, as I had seen fire +victims scarred, would I see the love light die in his eyes, would I +never again witness the admiring glances Dicky was wont to flash at me +when I wore something especially becoming? + +I had often wondered since my marriage whether Dicky's love for me was +the real lasting devotion which could stand adversity. I knew that no +matter how old or gray or maimed or disfigured Dicky might become he +would be still my royal lover. I should never see the changes in him. +But if I should suddenly turn an ugly scarred face to Dicky would he +shrink from me? + +An epigram from one of the sanest and cleverest of our modern +humorists flashed into my mind. Dicky and I had read it together only +a few weeks before. + +"Heaven help you, madam, if your husband does not love you because of +your foibles instead of in spite of them." + +Did all women have this experience I wondered, and then as Lillian's +face bent over me I caught my breath in an understanding wave of pity +for her. + +This was what she was undergoing, this experience of seeing her +husband turn away his eyes from her, as if the very sight of her was +painful to him. + +Dicky would never do that, I knew. He had not the capacity for cruelty +which Harry Underwood possessed. But I was sure it would torture +me more to know that he was disguising his aversion than to see him +openly express it. + + + + +XXXIX + +HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + +Lillian Underwood kept her promise to Dicky that I should suffer no +scar as the result of the burns I received when my dress caught fire +on the night of my dinner. + +Never patient had a more faithful nurse than Lillian. She had a cot +placed in my room where she slept at night, and she rarely left my +side. + +I found my invalidism very pleasant in spite of the pain and +inconvenience of my burns. Everyone was devoted to my comfort. Even +Mother Graham's acerbity was softened by the suffering I underwent +in the first day or two following the accident, although I soon +discovered that she was actually jealous because Lillian and not she +was nursing me. + +"It is the first time in my life that I have ever found my judgment in +nursing set aside as of no value," she said querulously to me one day +when she was sitting with me while Lillian attended to the preparation +of some special dish for me in the kitchen. + +"Oh, Mother Graham," I protested, "please don't look at it that way. +You know how careful you have to be about your heart. We couldn't let +you undertake the task of nursing me, it would have been too much for +you." + +"Well, if your own mother were alive I don't believe any one could +have kept her from taking care of you," she returned stubbornly. + +There was a wistful note in her voice that touched and enlightened +me. Beneath all the crustiness of my mother-in-law's disposition there +must lie a very real regard--I tremulously wondered if I might not +call it love--for me. + +My heart warmed toward the lonely, crabbed old woman as it had never +done before. I put out my uninjured hand, clasped hers, and drew her +toward me. + +"Mother dear," I said softly, "please believe me, it would be no +different if my own little mother were here. She, of course, would +want to take care of me, but her frailness would have made it +impossible. And I want you to know that I appreciate all your +kindness." + +She bent to kiss me. + +"I'm a cantankerous old woman, sometimes," she said quaveringly, "but +I am fond of you, Margaret." + +She released me so abruptly and went out of the room so quickly that +I had no opportunity to answer her. But I lay back on my pillows, +warm with happiness, filled with gratitude that in spite of the many +controversies in which my husband's mother and I had been involved, +and the verbal indignities which she had sometimes heaped upon me, +we had managed to salvage so much real affection as a basis for our +future relations with each other. + +The reference to my own little mother, which I had made, brought back +to me the homesickness, the longing for her which comes over me often, +especially when I am not feeling well. When Lillian returned she found +me weeping quietly. + +"Here, this will never do!" she said kindly, but firmly. "I'm not +going to ask you what you were crying about, for I haven't time to +listen. I must fix you up to see two visitors. But"--she forestalled +the question I was about to ask--"before you see one of them I must +tell you that Harry and I have about come to the parting of the ways." + +"The parting of the ways!" I gasped. "Harry and you?" + +Lillian Underwood nodded as calmly as if she had simply announced +a decision to alter a gown or a hat, instead of referring to a +separation from her husband. + +"It will have to come to that, I am afraid," she said, and looking +more closely at her I saw that her calmness was only assumed, that +humiliation and sadness had her in their grip. + +"I have always feared that when the time came for me to be 'my honest +self' instead of a 'made-up daisy'"--she smiled wearily as she quoted +the childish rhyme--"Harry would not be big enough to take it well. +Of course I could and would stand all his unpleasantness concerning my +altered appearance, but the root of his actions goes deeper than that, +I am afraid. He dislikes children, and I fear that he will object to +my having my little girl with me. And if he does--" + +Her tone spelled finality but I had no time to bestow upon the +probable fate of Harry Underwood. With a glad little cry, I drew +Lillian down to my bedside and kissed her. + +"Oh! Lillian!" I exclaimed, "are you really going to have your baby +girl after all?" + +She nodded, and I held her close with a little prayer of thanksgiving +that fate had finally relented and had given to this woman the desire +of her heart, so long kept from her. + +I saw now, and wondered why I had not realized before the reason for +Lillian's sudden abandonment of the rouge and powder and dyed hair +which she had used so long. Once she had said to me, "When my baby +comes home, she shall have a mother with a clean face and pepper and +salt hair, but until that time, I shall play the game with Harry." + +And so for Harry's sake, for the man who was not worthy to tie her +shoes, she had continued to crucify her real instincts in an effort +to hide the worst feminine crime in her husband's calendar--advancing +age. + +"When will she come to you?" I asked, and then with a sudden +remembrance of the only conditions under which Lillian's little +daughter could be restored to her, I added, "then her father is--" + +"Not dead, but dying," Lillian returned gravely, "but oh, my dear, he +sent for me two weeks ago and acknowledged the terrible wrong he did +me. I am vindicated at last, Madge--at last." + +Her voice broke, and as she laid her cheek against my hand, I felt the +happy tears which she must have kept back all through the excitement +of my accident. How like her to put by her own greatest experiences as +of no consequence when weighed against another's trouble! + +I kissed her happily. "Do you feel that you can tell me about it?" I +asked. + +"You and Dicky are the two people I want most to know," she returned. +"Will confessed everything to me, and better still, to his mother. +I would have been glad to have spared the poor old woman, for she +idolizes her son, but you remember I told you that although she loved +me, he had made her believe the vile things he said of me. It was +necessary that she should know the truth, if after Will's death I was +to have any peace in my child's companionship. + +"Marion loves her grandmother dearly, and the old woman fairly +idolizes the child, although her feebleness has compelled her to leave +most of the care of the child to hired nurses. There is where I am +going to have my chance with my little girl. I never shall separate +her from her grandmother while the old woman lives, but from the +moment she comes to me, no hireling's hand shall care for her--she +shall be mine, all mine." + +Her voice was a paean of triumphant love. My heart thrilled in +sympathy with hers, but underneath it all I was conscious of a +strong desire to have Harry Underwood reconciled to this new plan of +Lillian's. The calmness with which she had spoken of their parting had +not deceived me. I knew that Lillian's pride, already dragged in the +dust by her first unhappy marital experience, would suffer greatly +if she had to acknowledge that her second venture had also failed. +I tried to think of some manner in which I could remedy matters. +Unconsciously Lillian played directly into my hands. + +"But here I am bothering you with all of my troubles," she said, "when +all the time gallant cavaliers wait without, anxious to pay their +devoirs." + +Her voice was as gay, as unconcerned, as if she had not just been +sounding the depths of terrible memories. I paid a silent tribute to +her powers of self-discipline before answering curiously. + +"Gallant cavaliers?" I repeated. "Who are they?" + +"Well, Harry is at the door, and Mr. Gordon at the gate," she returned +merrily. "In other words, Harry is downstairs, waiting patiently +for me to give him permission to see you, while Mr. Gordon took up +quarters at a country inn near here the day after your accident +and has called or telephoned almost hourly since. He begged me this +morning to let him know when you would be able to see him. If Harry's +call does not tire you, I think I would better 'phone him to come +over." + +"Lillian!" I spoke imperatively, as a sudden recollection flashed +through my mind. "Was I delirious, or did I hear Mr. Gordon exclaim +something very foolish the night of my accident?" + +She looked at me searchingly. + +"He said, 'My darling, have I found you only to lose you again?'" she +answered. + +"What did he mean?" I gasped. + +"That he must tell you himself, Madge," she said gravely. "For me to +guess his meaning would be futile. Shall I telephone him to come over, +and will you see Harry for a moment or two now?" + +"Yes! to both questions," I answered. + +"Well, lady fair, they haven't made you take the count yet, have they? +By Jove, you're prettier than ever." + +Ushered by Lillian, Harry Underwood came into my room with all his +usual breeziness, and stood looking down at me as I lay propped +against the pillows Lillian had piled around me. It was the first time +I had seen him since the night of our dinner, when with the wild idea +of punishing Dicky for his foolishness regarding elderly Mr. Gordon I +had carried on a rather intense flirtation with Harry Underwood. + +I had been heartily sorry for and ashamed of the experiment before +the dinner was half over, and many times since the accident which +interrupted the evening I had wondered, half-whimsically, whether my +dress catching fire was not a "judgment on me." I had deeply dreaded +seeing Mr. Underwood again, but as I looked into his eyes I saw +nothing but friendly cheeriness and pity. + +Lillian drew a chair for him to my bedside, and for a few moments he +chatted of everything and nothing in the entertaining manner he knows +so well how to use. + +"You may have just three minutes more, Harry," Lillian said at +last. "Stay here while I go down to telephone. Then you will have to +vamoose. Mr. Gordon is coming over, and I can't have her too tired." + +Her husband gave a low whistle, and I saw a quick look of +understanding pass between him and Lillian. I did not have time to +wonder about it, however, for Lillian went out of the room, and the +moment she closed the door he said tensely: + +"Tell me you forgive me. If I had not teased you that night you would +not have moved toward the fire, and your dress would not have caught. +Why! you might have been killed or horribly disfigured. I've been +suffering the tortures of Hades ever since. But you will forgive me, +won't you? I'll do any penance you name." + +Through all the extravagance of his speech there ran a deeper note +than I had believed Harry Underwood to be capable of sounding. As his +eyes met mine and I saw that there was something as near suffering in +them as the man's self-centred careless nature was capable of feeling +I saw my opportunity. + +"Yes, I'll forgive you--everything--if you'll promise me one thing, +which will make me very happy." + +He bit his lip savagely--I think he guessed my meaning--but he did not +hesitate. + +"Name it," he said shortly. + +"Don't hurt Lillian any more about the change in her appearance or +object to her having her child with her," I pleaded. + +He thought a long minute, then with a quick gesture he caught my +uninjured hand in his, carried it to his lips, and kissed it, then +laid it gently back upon the bed again. + +"Done," he said gruffly. "It won't bother me much for awhile anyway. +Your friend Gordon, wants me to go with him on a long trip to South +America. I'm the original white-haired boy with him just now for some +reason or other, and it's just the chance I have wanted to look up the +theatrical situation down there. Perhaps I can persuade the old boy +to loosen up on some of his bank roll and play angel. But anyway I'm +going to be gone quite a stretch, and when I come back I'll try to be +a reformed character. But remember, wherever I am 'me art is true to +Poll.'" + +He bowed mockingly with his old manner, and walked toward the door, +meeting Lillian as she came in. + +"So long, Lil," he said carelessly. "I'm going for a long walk. See +you later." + +She looked at him searchingly. "All right," she answered laconically, +and then came over to me. + +"Mr. Gordon will be here in a half-hour," she said. "Please try to +rest a little before he comes." + +She lowered the shades, and my pillows, kissed me gently, and left the +room. But I could neither rest nor sleep. The wildest conjectures went +through my brain. Who was Robert Gordon, and why was he so strangely +interested in me? + + + + +XL + +MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + +It seemed a very long time to me, as I tossed on my pillows, beset by +the problem that even the name Robert Gordon always presents to me, +before Lillian came back to my room. But when she entered she said +that Mr. Gordon would soon arrive and that I must be prepared to see +him, so she bathed my hands and face and gave me an egg-nog before +propping me up against my pillows to receive my visitor. + +"Of course you will stay with me, Lillian, while he is here," I said. + +She smiled enigmatically. "Part of the time," she said. + +But when Mr. Gordon came, bringing with him an immense sheaf of roses, +she left the room almost at once, giving as an excuse her wish to +arrange the flowers. + +My visitor's eyes were burning with a light that almost frightened me +as he sat down by my bedside and took my hand in his. + +"My dear child," he said, and though the words were such as any +elderly man might address to a young woman, yet there was an intensity +in them that made me uncomfortable. "Are you sure everything is all +right with you?" + +"Very sure," I replied, smiling. "If Mrs. Underwood would permit me to +do so, I am certain I could get up now." + +"You must not think of trying it," he returned sharply, and with a +note in his voice, almost like authority, which puzzled me. + +"Thank God for Mrs. Underwood!" he went on. "She is a woman in a +thousand. I am indebted to her for life." + +I shrank back among my pillows, and wished that Lillian would return +to the room. I began to wonder if Mr. Gordon's brain was not slightly +turned. Surely, the fact that he had once known and loved my mother +was no excuse for the extravagant attitude he was taking. + +He saw the movement, and into his eyes flashed a look so mournful, so +filled with longing that I was thrilled to the heart. The next moment +he threw himself upon his knees by the side of my bed, and cried out +tensely: + +"Oh, my darling child, don't shrink from me. You will kill me. Don't +you see? Can't you guess? I am your father!" + +My father! Robert Gordon my father! + +I looked at the elderly man kneeling beside my bed, and my brain +whirled with the unreality of it all. The "man of mystery," the +"Quester" of Broadway, the elderly soldier of fortune, about whose +reputed wealth and constant searching of faces wherever he was the +idle gossip of the city's Bohemia had whirled--to think that this man +was the father I had never known, the father, alas! whom I had hoped +never to know. + +Everything was clear to me now--the reason for his staring at me when +he first caught sight of me in the Sydenham Hotel, his trailing of my +movements until he had found out my name and home, the introduction +he obtained to Dicky, and through him to me, his emotion at hearing +my mother's name, his embarrassing attentions to me ever since--the +explanation for all of which had puzzled me had come in the choking +words of the man whose head was bowed against my bed, and whose whole +frame was shaking with suppressed sobs. + +I felt myself trembling in the grip of a mighty surge of longing to +gather that bowed gray head into my arms and lavish the love he longed +for upon my father. My heart sang a little hymn of joy. I, who had +been kinless, with no one of my own blood, had found a father! + +And then, with my hand outstretched, almost touching my father's head, +the revulsion came. + +True, this man was my father, but he was also the man who had made my +mother's life one long tragedy. All my life I had schooled myself to +hate the man who had deserted my mother and me when I was four years +old, who had added to the desertion the insult of taking with him the +woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. My love for my +mother had been the absorbing emotion of my life, until she had left +me, and because of that love I had loathed the very thought of the man +who had caused her to suffer so terribly. + +My father lifted his head and looked at me, and there was that in his +eyes which made me shudder. It was the look of a prisoner in the dock, +waiting to receive a sentence. + +"Of course, I know you must hate the very sight of me, Margaret," he +said brokenly. "I had not meant to tell you so soon. But I have to go +away almost at once to South America, and it is very uncertain when I +shall return. I could not bear to go without your knowing how I have +loved and longed for you. + +"Never so great a sinner as I, my child," the weary old voice went +on, "but, oh, if you could know my bitter repentance, my years of +loneliness." + +His voice tore at my heart strings, but I steeled myself against him. +One thing I must know. + +"Where is the person with whom--" I could not finish the words. + +"I do not know." The words rang true. I was sure he was not lying to +me. "I have not seen or heard of her in over twenty years." + +Then the association had not lasted. I had a sudden clairvoyant +glimpse into my father's soul. My mother had been the real love of +his life. His infatuation for the other woman had been but a temporary +madness. What long drawn out, agonized repentance must have been his +for twenty years with wife, child and home lost to him! + +I leaned back and closed my eyes for a minute, overwhelmed with the +problem which confronted me. And then--call it hallucination or what +you will--I heard my mother's voice, as clearly as I ever heard it in +life, repeating the words I had read weeks before in the letter she +had left for me at her death. + +"Remember it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be living +sometime you may be reconciled to him." + +I opened my eyes with a little cry of thanksgiving. It was as if my +mother had stretched out her hand from heaven to sanction the one +thing I most longed to do. + +"Father!" I gasped. "Oh, my father, I have wanted you so." + +He uttered a little cry of joy, and then my father's arms were around +me, my face was close to his, and for the first time since I was a +baby of four years I knew my father's kisses. + +A smothered sound, almost like a groan, startled me, and then the door +slammed shut. + +"What was that?" I asked. "Is there any one there?" + +My father raised his head. "No, there is no one there," he said. "See, +the wind is rising. It must have been that which slammed the door. I +think I would better shut the window." + +He moved over to the window, which Lillian had kept partly ajar for +air, and closed it. Then he returned to my bedside. + +"There is one thing I must ask you to do, my child," he said +hesitatingly, "and that is to keep secret the fact that instead of +being Robert Gordon, I am in reality Charles Robert Gordon Spencer, +and your father. Of course your husband must know and Mrs. Underwood, +as her husband is going with me to South America. But I should advise +very strongly against the knowledge coming into the possession of any +one else. + +"I cannot explain to you now, why I dropped part of my name, or why I +exact this promise," he went on, "but it is imperative that I do ask +it, and that you heed the request. You will respect my wishes in this +matter, will you not, my daughter?" + +It was all very stilted, almost melodramatic, but my father was so +much in earnest that I readily gave the promise he asked. With a look +of relief he took a package from his pocket and handed it to me. + +"Keep this carefully," he said. "It contains all the data which you +will need in case of my death. Rumor says that I am a very rich man. +As usual rumor is wrong, but I have enough so that you will always +be comfortable. And for fear that something might happen to you in +my absence I have placed to your account in the Knickerbocker money +enough for any emergency, also for any extra spending money you may +wish. The bank book is among these papers. I trust that you will use +it. I shall like to feel that you are using it. And now good-by. I +shall not see you again." + +He kissed me, lingeringly, tenderly, and went out of the room. I lay +looking at the package he had given me, wondering if it were all a +dream. + + + + +XLI + +WHY DID DICKY GO? + + +"Margaret, I have the queerest message from Richard. I cannot make it +out." + +My mother-in-law rustled into my room, her voice querulous, her face +expressing the utmost bewilderment. + +"What is it, mother?" I asked nervously. It was late afternoon of the +day in which Robert Gordon had revealed his identity as my father, and +my nerves were still tense from the shock of the discovery. + +"Why, Richard has left the city. He telephoned me just now that he +had an unexpected offer at an unusual sum to do some work in San +Francisco, I think, he said, and that he would be gone some months. If +he accepted the offer he would have no time to come home. He said he +would write to both of us tonight. What do you suppose it means?" + +"I--do--not--know," I returned slowly and truthfully, but there was a +terrible frightened feeling at my heart. Dicky gone for months without +coming to bid me good-by! My world seemed to whirl around me. But I +must do or say nothing to alarm my mother-in-law. Her weak heart made +it imperative that she be shielded from worry of any kind. + +I rallied every atom of self-control I possessed. "There is nothing +to worry about, mother," I said carelessly. "Dicky has often spoken +recently about this offer to go to San Francisco. It was always +tentative before, but he knew that when it did come he would have to +go at a minute's notice. You know he always keeps a bag packed at the +studio for just such emergencies." + +The last part of my little speech was true. Dicky did keep a bag +packed for the emergency summons he once in a while received from his +clients. But I had never heard of the trip to San Francisco. But I +must reassure my mother-in-law in some way. + +"Well, I think it's mighty queer," she grumbled, going out of the +room. + +"You adorable little fibber!" Lillian said tenderly, rising, and +coming over to me. Her voice was gay, but I who knew its every +intonation, caught an undertone of worry. + +"Lillian!" I exclaimed sharply. "What is it? Do you know anything?" + +"Hush, child," she said firmly. "I know nothing. You will hear all +about it tomorrow morning when you receive Dicky's letters. Until then +you must be quiet and brave." + +It was like her not to adjure me to keep from worrying. She never did +the usual futile things. But all through my wakeful night, whenever I +turned over or uttered the slightest sound, she was at my side in an +instant. + +Never until death stops my memory will I forget that next morning with +its letters from Dicky. + +There was one for my mother-in-law, none for me, but I saw an envelope +in Lillian's hand, which I was sure was from my husband, even before I +had seen the shocked pallor which spread over her face as she read it. + +"Oh, Lillian, what is it?" I whispered in terror. + +"Wait," she commanded. "Do not let your mother-in-law guess anything +is amiss." + +But when Mother Graham's demand to know what Dicky had written to me +had been appeased by Lillian's offhand remark that country mails were +never reliable, and that my letter would probably arrive later, the +elder woman went to her own room to puzzle anew over her son's letter, +which simply said over again what he had told her over the telephone. + +When she had gone Lillian locked the door softly behind her, then +coming over to me, sank down by my bedside and slipped her arm around +me. + +"You must be brave, Madge," she said quietly. "Read this through and +tell me if you have any idea what it means." + +I took the letter she held out to me, and read it through. + +"Dear Lil," the letter began. "You have never failed me yet, so I know +you'll look after things for me now. + +"I am going away. I shall never see Madge again, nor do I ever expect +to hear from her. Will you look out for her until she is free from me? +She can sue me for desertion, you know, and get her divorce. I will +put in no defence. + +"Most of her funds are banked in her name, anyway. But for fear she +will not want to use that money I am going to send a check to you each +month for her which you are to use as you see fit, with or without her +knowledge. I am enclosing the key of the studio. The rent is paid a +long ways ahead, and I will send you the money for future payments +and its care. Please have it kept ready for me to walk in at any time. +Mother always goes to Elizabeth's for the holidays, anyway. Keep her +from guessing as long as you can. I'll write to her after she gets to +Elizabeth's. + +"I guess that's all. If Madge doesn't understand why I am doing this I +can't help it. But it's the only thing to do. Yours always. DICKY." + +The room seemed to whirl around me as I read. Dicky gone forever, +arranging for me to get a divorce! I clung blindly to Lillian as I +moaned: "Oh, what does it mean?" + +"Think, Madge, Madge, have you and Dicky had any quarrel lately?" + +"Nothing that could be called a quarrel, no," I returned, "and, not +even the shadow of a disagreement since my accident." + +"Then," Lillian said musingly, "either Dicky has gone suddenly mad--" + +She stopped and looked at me searchingly. "Or what, Lillian," I +pleaded. "Tell me. I am strong enough to stand the truth, but not +suspense." + +"I believe you are," she said, "and you will have to help me find out +the truth. Now remember this may have no bearing on the thing at all, +but Harry saw Grace Draper talking to Dicky the other day. He said +Dicky didn't act particularly well pleased at the meeting, but that +the girl was, as Harry put it, 'fit to put your eyes out,' she looked +so stunning. But it doesn't seem possible that if Dicky had gone away +with her he would write that sort of a note to me and leave no word +for you." + +"Fit to put your eyes out!" The phrase stung me. With a quick +movement, I grasped the hand mirror that lay on the stand by my bed, +and looked critically at the image reflected there. Wan, hollow-eyed, +with one side of my face and neck still flaming from my burns, I had a +quick perception of the way in which my husband, beauty-lover that he +is, must have contrasted my appearance with that of Grace Draper. + +Lillian took the mirror forcibly from me, and laid it out of my reach. + +"This sort of thing won't do," she said firmly. "It only makes matters +worse. Now just be as brave as you possibly can. Remember, I am right +here every minute." + +I could only cling to her. There seemed in all the world no refuge for +me but Lillian's arms. + +The weeks immediately following Dicky's departure are almost a blank +memory to me. I seemed stunned, incapable of action, even of thinking +clearly. + +If it had not been for Lillian, I do not know what I should have done. +She cared for me with infinite tenderness and understanding, she +stood between me and the imperative curiosity and bewilderment of +my mother-in-law, and she made all the arrangements necessary for my +taking up my life as a thing apart from my husband. + +It seemed almost like an interposition of Providence that two days +after Dicky's bombshell, his mother received a letter from her +daughter Elizabeth asking her to go to Florida for the rest of the +winter. One of the children had been ordered south by the family +physician, and Dicky's sister was to accompany her little daughter, +while the other children remained at home under the care of their +father and his mother. Mother Graham dearly loves to travel, and +I knew from Lillian's reports and the few glimpses I had of my +mother-in-law that she was delighted with the prospect before her. + +How Lillian managed to quiet the elder woman's natural worry about +Dicky, her half-formed suspicion that something was wrong, and her +conviction that without her to look after me I should not be able to +get through the winter, I never knew. + +I do not remember seeing my mother-in-law but once or twice in the +interval between the receipt of Dicky's letter and her departure. The +memory of her good-by to me, however, is very distinct. + +She came into the room, cloaked and hatted, ready for the taxi which +was to take her to the station. Katie was to go into New York with +her, and see her safely on the train. Her face was pale, and I noticed +listlessly that her eyelids were reddened as if she had been weeping. +She bent and kissed me tenderly, and then she put her arms around me, +and held me tightly. + +"I don't know what it is all about, dear child," she said. "I hope all +is as it seems outwardly. But remember, Margaret, I am your friend, +whatever happens, and if it will help you any, you may remember that +I, too, have had to walk this same sharp paved way." + +Then she went away. I remembered that she had said something of the +kind once before, giving me to understand that Dicky's father had +caused her much unhappiness. Did she believe too, I wondered, that +Dicky was with Grace Draper, that his brief infatuation for the girl +had returned when he had seen her again? + +For days after that, I drifted--there is no other word for it--through +the hours of each day. When it was absolutely necessary for Lillian to +know some detail, which I alone could give her, she would come to +me, rouse me, and holding me to the subject by the sheer force of her +will, obtain the information she wished, and then leave me to myself, +or rather to Katie again. Katie was my devoted slave. She waited on +me hand and foot, and made a most admirable nurse when Lillian was +compelled to be absent. + +When I thought about the matter at all, I realized that Lillian was +preparing to have me share her apartment in the city when I should +be strong enough to leave my home. Harry Underwood had gone with my +father to South America for a trip which would take many months, so +I made no protest. I knew also, because of questions she had made me +answer, that she had arranged with the Lotus Study Club to have an old +teaching comrade of mine, a man who had experience in club lectures, +take my place until I should be well enough to go back to the work. + +In so far as I could feel anything, the knowledge that I was still +to have my club work gratified me. The twenty dollars a week which it +paid me, while not large, would preserve my independence until I could +gain courage to go back to my teaching. + +For one feeling obsessed me, was strong enough to penetrate the +lethargy of mind and body into which Dicky's letter had thrown me. I +spoke of it to Lillian one day. + +"Do--not--use--any--of--Dicky's--money," I said slowly and painfully. +"My--own--bank--book--in--desk." + +She took it out, and I also gave her the bank book and papers my +father had given me the day before he left for South America. + +"Keep--them--for--me," I whispered, and then at her tender +comprehending smile, I had a sudden revelation. + +"Then--you--know--" Astonishment made my voice stronger. + +"That Robert Gordon is your father?" she returned briskly. "Bless you, +child, I've suspected it ever since I first heard of his emotion on +hearing the names of your parents. But nobody else knows, I didn't +think it necessary to tell your mother-in-law or Katie, unless, of +course, you want me to do so." + +Her smile was so cheery, so infectious, that I could not help but +smile back at her. There was still something on my mind, however. + +"This house must be closed," I told her. "Try to find positions for +Katie and Jim." + +"I'll attend to everything," she promised, and I did not realize that +her words meant directly opposite to the interpretation I put upon +them, until after myself and all my personal belongings had been moved +to Lillian's apartment in the city, and I had thrown off the terrible +physical weakness and mental lethargy which had been mine. + +"I had to do as I thought best about the house in Marvin, Madge," she +said firmly. "I thoroughly respect your feeling about using any of +Dicky's money for your own expenses, but you are not living in +the Marvin house. It is simply Dicky's home, which as his friend, +commissioned to see after his affairs, I am going to keep in readiness +for his return, unless I receive other instructions from him. Jim +and Katie will stay there as caretakers until this horrible mistake, +whatever it may be, is cleared up. Thus your home will be always +waiting for you." + +"Never my home again, I fear, Lillian," I said sadly. + +There is no magic of healing like that held in the hands of a little +child. It was providential for me that, a short time after Lillian +took me to the apartment which had been home to her for years, her +small daughter, Marion, was restored to her. + +The child's father died suddenly, after all, and to Lillian fell the +task of caring for and comforting the old mother of the man who had +done his best to spoil Lillian's life. She brought the aged and +feeble sufferer to the apartment, established her in the bedroom which +Lillian had always kept for herself, and engaged a nurse to care +for her. When I recalled Lillian's story, remembered that her first +husband's mother without a jot of evidence to go upon had believed her +son's vile accusations against Lillian, my friend's forgiveness seemed +almost divine to me. I am afraid I never could have equaled it. When I +said as much to Lillian, she looked at me uncomprehendingly. + +"Why, Madge!" she said. "There was nothing else to do. Marion's +grandmother is devoted to her. To separate them now would kill the +old woman. Besides her income is so limited that she cannot have the +proper care unless I do take her in." + +"I thought you said Mr. Morten had a legacy about the time of his +second marriage." + +"He did, but most of it has been dissipated, I imagine, and what there +is left is in the possession of his wife, a woman with no more red +blood than a codfish. She would let his mother starve before she +would exert herself to help her, or part with any money. No, there +is nothing else to do, Madge. I'll just have to work a little harder, +that's all, and that's good for me, best reducing system there is, you +know." + +The sheer, indomitable courage of her, taking up burdens in her middle +age which should never be hers, and assuming them with a smile and +jest upon her lips! I felt suddenly ashamed of the weakness with which +I had met my own problems. + +"Lillian!" I said abruptly, "you make me ashamed of myself. I'm going +to stop grieving--as much as I can--" I qualified, "and get to work. +Tell me, how can I best help you? I'm going back to my club work next +week--I am sure I shall be strong enough by then, but I shall have +such loads of time outside." + +My friend came over to me impetuously, and kissed me warmly. + +"You blessed child!" she said. "I am so glad if anything has roused +you. And I'm going to accept your words in the spirit in which I am +sure they were uttered. If you can share Marion with me for awhile, it +will help me more than anything else. I have so many orders piled +up, I don't know where to begin first. Her grandmother is too ill to +attend to her, and I don't want to leave her with any hired attendant, +she has had too many of those already." + +"Don't say another word," I interrupted. "There's nothing on earth I'd +rather do just now than take care of Marion." + +Thus began a long succession of peaceful days, spent with Lillian's +small daughter. She was a bewitching little creature of nine years, +but so tiny that she appeared more like a child of six. I had taught +many children, but never had been associated with a child at home. +I grew sincerely attached to the little creature, and she, in turn, +appeared very fond of me. Lillian told her to call me "Aunt Madge," +and the sound of the title was grateful to me. + +"Auntie Madge, Auntie Madge," the sweet childish voice rang the +changes on the name so often that I grew to associate my name with the +love I felt for the child. This made it all the harder for me to bear +when the child's hand all unwittingly brought me the hardest blow Fate +had yet dealt me. + +It was her chief delight to answer the postman's ring, and bring me +the mail each day. On this particular afternoon I had been especially +busy, and thus less miserable than usual. I heard the postman's ring, +and then the voice of Marion. + +"Auntie Madge, it's a letter for you this time." + +I began to tremble, for some unaccountable reason. It was as though +the shadow of the letter the child was bringing had already begun to +fall on me. As she ran to me, and held out the letter, I saw that it +was postmarked San Francisco! But the handwriting was not Dicky's. + +I opened it, and from it fell a single sheet of notepaper inscribed: + +"She laughs best who laughs last. Grace Draper." + +I looked at the thing until it seemed to me that the characters were +alive and writhed upon the paper. I shudderingly put the paper away +from me, and leaned back in my chair and shut my eyes. Then Marion's +little arms were around my neck, her warm, moist kisses upon my cheek, +her frightened voice in my ears. + +"Oh! Auntie Madge," she said. "What was in the naughty letter that +hurt you so? Nasty old thing! I'm going to tear it up." + +"No, no, Marion," I answered. "I must let your mother see it first. +Call her, dear, won't you, please?" + +When Lillian came, I mutely showed her the note. She studied it +carefully, frowning as she did so. + +"Pleasant creature!" she commented at last. "But I shouldn't put too +much dependence on this, Madge. She may be with him, of course. But +you ought to know that truth is a mere detail with Grace Draper. She +would just as soon have sent this to you if she had not seen him for +weeks, and knew no more of his address than you." + +"But this is postmarked San Francisco," I said faintly. + +Lillian laughed shortly. "My dear little innocent!" she said, "it +would be the easiest thing in the world for her to send this envelope +enclosed in one to some friend in San Francisco, who would re-direct +it for her." + +"I never thought of that," I said, flushing. "But, oh! Lillian, if he +did not go away with her, what possible explanation is there of his +leaving like this?" + +"Yes, I know, dear," she returned. "It's a mystery, and one in the +solving of which I seem perfectly helpless. I do wish someone would +drop from the sky to help us." + + + + +XLII + +DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + +It was not from the sky, however, but from across the ocean that +the help Lillian had longed for in solving the mystery of Dicky's +abandonment of me, finally came. It was less than a week after the +receipt of Grace Draper's message, that Lillian and I, sitting in +her wonderful white and scarlet living room, one evening after little +Marion had gone to bed, heard Betty ushering in callers. + +"Betty must know them or she wouldn't bring them in unannounced," +Lillian murmured, as she rose to her feet, and then the next moment +there was framed in the doorway the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. And +with him, wonder of wonders! the slight form, the beautiful, wistful, +tired face of Katharine Sonnot, whose ambition to go to France as a +nurse I had been able to further. + +"My dear, what has happened to you?" Katherine exclaimed solicitously. +"I received no answer to my letter saying I was coming home, so when I +reached New York, I went to Dr. Pettit. He thought you were at Marvin, +but when he telephoned out there, Katie said you had had a terrible +accident, and that you had left Marvin. I was not quite sure, for +she was half crying over the telephone, but I thought she said 'for +keeps.'" + +She stopped and looked at me with a hint of fright in her manner. I +knew she wanted to ask about Dicky's absence, and did not dare to do +so. + +"Everything you heard is true, Katherine," I returned, a trifle +unsteadily, as her arms went around me warmly. I was more than a +trifle upset by her coming, for associated with her were memories of +my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who had gone to the great war when +he had learned that I was married, and of whose death "somewhere in +France," I had heard through Mrs. Stewart. + +"Where is your husband?" Dr. Pettit demanded, and there was that in +his voice which told me that he was putting an iron hand upon his own +emotions. + +Now the stock answer which Lillian and I returned to all inquiries of +this sort was "In San Francisco upon a big commission." It was upon +my lips, but some influence stronger than my will made me change it to +the truth. + +"I do not know," I said faintly. "He left the city very abruptly +several weeks ago, sending word in a letter to Mrs. Underwood that he +would never see me again. It is a terrible mystery." + +Dr. Pettit muttered something that I knew was a bitter anathema +against Dicky, and then folded his arms tightly across his chest, as +if he would keep in any further comment. But I had no time to pay +any attention to him, for Katherine Sonnot was uttering words that +bewildered and terrified me. + +"Oh! how terrible!" she said. "Jack will be so grieved. He had so +hoped to find you happy together when he came home." + +Was the girl's brain turned, I wondered, because of grief for my +brother-cousin's death? I had known before I secured the chance for +her to go to France that she was romantically interested in the man +who had been her brother's comrade, although she had never seen +him. And from Jack's letters to Mrs. Stewart, I had learned of their +meeting in the French hospital, and of the acquaintance which promised +to ripen--which evidently had ripened--into love. + +I looked at her searchingly, and then I spoke, hardly able to get the +words out for the wild trembling of my whole body. + +"Jack grieved?" I said. "Why! Jack is dead! We had the notice of his +death weeks ago from his friend, Paul Caillard." + +I saw them all look at me as if frightened. Dr. Pettit reached me +first and put something under my nostrils which vitalized my wandering +senses. I straightened myself and cried out peremptorily. + +"What is it, oh! what is it?" + +I saw Katherine look at Dr. Pettit, as if for permission, and the +young physician's lips form the words, "Tell her." + +"No, dear. Jack isn't dead," she said softly. "He was missing for some +time, and was brought into our hospital terribly wounded, but he is +very much alive now, and will be here in New York in two weeks." + +I felt the pungent revivifier in Dr. Pettit's hand steal under my +nostrils again, but I pushed it aside and sat up. + +"I am not at all faint," I said abruptly, and then to Katherine +Sonnot. "Please say that over again, slowly." + +She repeated her words slowly. "I should have waited to come over with +him," she added, "for he is still quite weak, but Dr. Braithwaite +had to send some one over to attend to business for the hospital. He +selected me, and so I had to come on earlier." + +So it was true, then, this miracle of miracles, this return of the +dead to life! Jack, the brother-cousin on whom I had depended all my +life, was still in the same world with me! Some of the terrible burden +I had been bearing since Dicky's disappearance slipped away from me. +If anyone in the world could solve the mystery of Dicky's actions, it +would be Jack Bickett. + +Dr. Pettit's voice broke into my reverie. I saw that Lillian and +Katherine Sonnot were deep in conversation. The young physician and I +were far enough away from them so that there was no possibility of +his low tones being heard. He bent over my chair, and his eyes were +burning with a light that terrified me. + +"Tell me," he commanded, "do you want your husband back again. Take +your time in answering. I must know." + +There was something in his voice that compelled obedience. I leaned +back in my chair and shut my eyes, while I looked at the question he +had put me fairly and squarely. + +The question seemed to echo in my ears. I was surprised at myself that +I did not at once reply with a passionate affirmative. Surely I had +suffered enough to welcome Dicky's return at any time. + +Ah! there was the root of the whole thing. I had suffered, how I had +suffered at Dicky's hands! As my memory ran back through our stormy +married life, I wondered whether it were wise--even though it should +be proved to me that Dicky had not gone away with Grace Draper--to +take up life with my husband again. + +And then, woman-like, all the bitter recollections were shut out by +other memories which came thronging into my brain, memories of Dicky's +royal tenderness when he was not in a bad humor, of his voice, his +smile, his lips, his arms around me, I knew, although my reason +dreaded the knowledge, that unless my husband came back to me, I +should never know happiness again. + +I opened my eyes and looked steadily at the young physician. + +"Yes, God help me. I do!" I said. + +Dr. Pettit winced as if I had struck him. Then he said gravely: + +"Thank you for your honesty, and believe that if there be any way in +which I can serve you, I shall not hesitate to take it." + +"I am sure of that," I replied earnestly, and the next moment, without +a farewell glance, a touch of my hand, he went over to Katherine, and, +in a voice very different in volume than the suppressed tones of his +conversation to me, I heard him apologize to her for having to go away +at once, heard her laughing reply that after the French hospitals she +did not fear the New York streets, and then the door had closed after +the young physician, whose too-evident interest in me had always +disturbed me. + +I hastened to join Lillian and Katherine. I did not want to be left +alone. Thinking was too painful. + +"Just think!" Katherine said as I joined them, "I find that I'm living +only a block away. I'm at my old rooming place--luckily they had +a vacant room. Of course, I shall be fearfully busy with Dr. +Braithwaite's work, but being so near, I can spend every spare minute +with you--that is, if you want me," she added shyly. + +"Want you, child!" I returned, and I think the emphasis in my voice +reassured her, for she flushed with pleasure, and the next minute with +embarrassment as I said pointedly: + +"I imagine you have some unusually interesting and pleasant things to +tell me, especially about my cousin." + +But, after all, it was left for Jack himself to tell me the +"interesting things." Katherine became almost at once so absorbed in +the work for Dr. Braithwaite that she had very little time to spend +with us. There was another reason for her absence, of which she spoke +half apologetically one night, about a week after her arrival. + +"There's a girl in the room next mine who keeps me awake by her +moaning," she said. "I don't get half enough sleep, and the result is +that when I get in from my work I'm so dead tired I tumble into bed, +instead of coming over here as I'm longing to do. The housekeeper says +she's a student of some kind, and that she's really ill enough to need +a physician, although she goes to her school or work each morning. +I've only caught glimpses of her, but she strikes me as being rather +a stunning-looking creature. I wish she'd moan in the daytime, though. +Some night I'm going in there and give her a sleeping powder. Joking +aside, I'm rather anxious about her. Whatever is the matter with her, +physical or mental, it's a real trouble, and I wish I could help her." + +The real Katherine Sonnot spoke in the last sentence. Like many +nurses, she had a superficial lightness of manner, behind which she +often concealed the wonderful sympathy with and understanding for +suffering which was hers. I knew that if the poor unknown sufferer +needed aid or friendship, she would receive both from Katherine. + +It was shortly after this talk that I noticed the extraordinary +intimacy which seemed to have sprung up between Katherine and Lillian. +I seemed to be quite set aside, almost forgotten, when Katherine came +to the apartment. And there was such an air of mystery about their +conversation! If they were talking together, and I came within +hearing, they either abruptly stopped speaking, or shifted the +subject. + +I was just childish and weak enough from my illness to be a trifle +chagrined at being so left out, and I am afraid my chagrin amounted +almost to sulkiness sometimes. Lillian and Katherine, however, +appeared to notice nothing, and their mysterious conferences increased +in number as the days went on. + +There came a day at last when my morbidness had increased to such an +extent that I felt there was nothing more in the world for me, and +that there was no one to care what became of me. I was huddled in +one of Lillian's big chairs before the fireplace in the living room, +drearily watching the flames, through eyes almost too dim with tears +to see them. I could hear the murmur of voices in the hall, where +Katherine and Lillian had been standing ever since Katherine's +arrival, a few minutes before. Then the voices grew louder, there was +a rush of feet to the door, a "Hush!" from Lillian, and then, pale, +emaciated, showing the effects of the terrible ordeal through which he +had gone, my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who, until Katherine came +home, I had thought was dead, stood before me. + +"Oh! Jack, Jack. Thank God! Thank God!" + +As I saw my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, whom I had so long mourned +as dead, coming toward me in Lillian Underwood's living room, I +stumbled to my feet, and, with no thought of spectators, or of +anything save the fact that the best friend I had ever known had come +back to me, I rushed into his arms, and clung to him wildly, sobbing +out all the heartache and terror that had been mine since Dicky had +left me in so cruel and mysterious a manner. + +I felt as a little child might that had been lost and suddenly caught +sight of its father or mother. The awful burden that had been mine +lifted at the very sight of Jack's pale face smiling down at me. I +knew that someway, somehow, Jack would straighten everything out for +me. + +"There, there, Margaret." Jack's well-remembered tones, huskier, +weaker by far than when I had last heard them, soothed me, calmed me. +"Everything's going to come out all right. I'll see to it all. Sit +down, and let me hear all about it." + +There was an indefinable air of embarrassment about him which I could +not understand at first. Then I saw beyond him the lovely flushed +face of Katharine Sonnot, and in her eyes there was a faintly troubled +look. + +I read it all in a flash. Jack was embarrassed because I had so +impetuously embraced him before Katherine. I withdrew myself from his +embrace abruptly, and drew a chair for him near my own. + +"Are you sure you are fully recovered?" I asked, and I saw Jack look +wonderingly at the touch of formality in my tone. + +"No, I cannot say that," he returned gravely, "but I am so much better +off than so many of the other poor chaps who survived, that I have no +right to complain. Mine was a body wound, and while I shall feel its +effects on my general health for years, perhaps all my life, yet I am +not crippled." + +His tone was full of thankfulness, and all my pettiness vanished at +the sudden, swift vision of what he must have endured. The next moment +he had turned my thoughts into a new channel. + +"Margaret," he said gravely, "I am terribly distressed to hear from +Katherine that your husband has gone away in such a strange manner." + +So she had already told him! The little pang of unworthy jealousy came +back, but I banished it. + +"Now, there must be no more time lost," he went on. "You have had no +man to look after things for you, but remember now, your old brother, +Jack, is on the job. First, I must know everything that occurred on +that last day. Did you notice anything extraordinary in his demeanor +on that last morning you saw him?" + +This was the old Jack, going directly to the root of the matter, +wasting no time on his own affairs or feelings, when he saw a duty +before him. I felt the old sway of his personality upon me, and +answered his questions as meekly as a child might have done. + +"He was just the same as he had been every morning since my accident," +I returned. + +"H-m." Jack thought a long minute, then began again. + +"Tell me everything that happened that day, every visitor you had; +don't omit the most trifling thing," he commanded. + +He listened attentively as I recalled Harry Underwood's visit, and +Robert Gordon's. At my revelation that Robert Gordon had said he was +my father, his calm, judicial manner broke into excitement. + +"Your father!" he exclaimed, and then, after a pause; "I always knew +he would come back some day. But go on. What happened when he told you +he was your father?" + +I went on with the story of my struggle with my own rancor against my +father, of my conviction that I had heard my mother's voice urging my +reconciliation with him, of my father's first embrace and kisses, even +of the queer smothered sound like a groan and the slamming of a door +which I had heard. Then I told him of my father's gift of money to me, +which I had not yet touched, but I noticed that toward the last of my +narrative Jack seemed preoccupied. + +"Did your husband come home to Marvin at all that day?" he asked. + +"No, he never came back from the city after he had once gone in, until +evening." + +"But are you sure that this day he did not return to Marvin?" he +persisted. "How do you know?" + +"Because no one saw him," I returned, "and he could hardly have come +back without someone in the house seeing him." + +He said no more, as Lillian and Katherine came up just then, and the +conversation became general. + +To my great surprise, I did not see him again after that first visit. +Katherine explained to me that he had been called out of town on +urgent business, but the explanation seemed to me to savor of the +mysterious excitement that seemed to possess everybody around me. + +Finally one morning, Lillian came to me, her face shining. + +"I want you to prepare to be very brave, Madge," she said. "There is +some one coming whom I fear it will tax all your strength to meet." + +"Dicky!" I faltered, beginning to tremble. + +"No, child, not yet," she said, her voice filled with pity, "but +someone who has done you a great wrong, Grace Draper." + + + + +XLIII + +"TAKE ME HOME" + + +"Grace Draper coming to see me!" + +My echo of Lillian's words was but a trembling stammer. The prospect +of facing the girl the thread of whose sinister personality had so +marred the fabric of my marital happiness terrified me. Her message +to me, posted in San Francisco, where Dicky was, flaunted its insolent +triumph again before my eyes: + +"She laughs best who laughs last." + +That she had intended me to believe she was with Dicky, I knew, +whether her boast were true or not. But how was it that she was coming +to see me? Lillian put a reassuring hand upon my shoulder as she saw +my face. + +"Pull yourself together, Madge," she admonished me sharply. "Let me +make this clear to you. Grace Draper is not in San Francisco now. +Whether she has been, or what she knows about Dicky she has refused so +far to say. She has finally consented to see you, however." + +"But, how?" I murmured, bewildered. + +"Do you remember the girl of whom Katherine spoke when she first came, +the girl who moaned at night in the room next hers?" + +"Oh, yes! And she was--?" + +"Grace Draper. I do not know what made me think of the Draper when +Katherine spoke of the girl, but I did, although I said nothing about +it at the time. A little later, however, when the girl became really +ill and Katherine was caring for her as a mother or a sister would +have done, I told our little friend of my suspicion. Of course, +Katherine watched her mysterious patient very carefully after that, +and when she became ill enough to require a physician's services, +Katharine managed it so that Dr. Pettit was called, and he recognized +the girl at once. + +"Ever since then, Katherine has been working on the substitute for +honor and conscience which the Draper carries around with her--but +she was hard as nails for a long time. She is terribly grateful to +Katherine, however, as fond of her as she can be of anyone, and she +has finally consented to come here. Don't anger her if you can help +it." + +When, a little later, Grace Draper and I faced each other, it was pity +instead of anger that stirred my heart. The girl was inexpressibly +wan, her beauty only a worn shadow of its former glory. But there was +the old flash of defiant hatred in her eyes as she looked at me. + +"Please don't flatter yourself that I have come here for your sake," +she said, with her old smooth insolence. "But this girl here"--she +indicated Katherine--"took care of me before she knew who I was. She +just about saved my life and reason, too, when there was nobody else +to care a whit whether I lived or died. Even my sister's gone back on +me. So when I saw how much it meant to her to find out the truth about +your precious husband, I promised her I'd come and tell you the little +I knew." + +She drew a long breath, and went on. + +"In the first place, I didn't go to San Francisco with Dicky Graham, +although I'm glad if my little trick made you think so for awhile. I +didn't go anywhere with him except into a café for a few minutes, the +day he left New York. It was just after he got back from Marvin, and +he was pouring drinks into himself so fast that he was pretty hazy +about what had happened, but I made a pretty shrewd guess as to his +trouble." + +She turned to me, and I saw with amazement that contempt for me was +written on her face. + +"You!" she snarled, "with your innocent face, and your high and mighty +airs, you must have been up to something pretty disgraceful, to +have your husband feel the way he did that day he started for San +Francisco! He had to go out to Marvin unexpectedly that morning, +almost as soon as he had arrived in the city. What or who he found +there, you know best." + +"Stop!" said Lillian authoritatively, and for a long minute the two +women faced each other, Grace Draper defiant, Lillian, with all the +compelling, almost hypnotic power that is hers when she chooses to +exercise it. + +The accusation which the girl had hurled at me stunned me as +effectually as an actual missile from her hand would have done. What +did she mean? And then, before my dazed brain could work itself back +through the mazes of memory, there came the whir of a taxi in the +street, an imperative ring of the bell, a tramp of masculine footsteps +in the hall, and then--my husband's arms were around me, his lips +murmuring disjointed, incoherent sentences against my cheek. + +"Madge! Madge! little sweetheart!--no right to ask +forgiveness--deserve to lose you forever for my doubt of you--been +through a thousand hells since I left--" + +Over Dicky's shoulder I saw Jack's dear face smiling tenderly, +triumphantly, at me, realized that he must have started after Dicky +as soon as he had heard my story of my husband's inexplicable +departure--and the light for which I had been groping suddenly +illuminated Grace Draper's words. + +"So you saw my father embrace me that day!" I exclaimed, and at the +words the face of the girl who had caused me so much suffering grew +whiter, if possible, and she sank into a chair, as if unable to stand. + +"Yes." A wave of shamed color swept my husband's face, his words were +low and hurried. "But you must believe this one thing,--I had made +up my mind to come back and beg your forgiveness, indeed, I was just +ready to start for New York, when your cousin found me and brought me +the true explanation of things. + +"I--I--couldn't stand it any longer without you, Madge. I must have +been mad to go away like that. You won't shut me out altogether, will +you, sweetheart?" + +I had thought that if Dicky ever came back me I should make him suffer +a little of what he had compelled me to endure. But, as I looked +from the white, drawn face of the girl, who I was sure still counted +Dicky's love as a stake for which no wager was too high, to the +anxious faces of the dear friends who had helped to bring him back to +me, I could do nothing but yield myself rapturously to the clasp of my +husband's arms. + +"I couldn't have stood it much longer without you, Dicky," I +whispered, and then, forgetting everything else in the world but +our happiness, my husband's lips met mine in a long kiss of +reconciliation. + +A half choked little cry startled me, and I saw Grace Draper get +to her feet unsteadily and start for the door, with her hands +outstretched gropingly before her, almost as if she were blind. +Katherine Sonnot hurried to her, and then Jack spoke to me for the +first time since he had brought Dicky into the room. + +"Good-by, Margaret, until I see you again," he said hurriedly. +"Good-by, Dicky, I must go to Katherine." + +"Good-by, old chap," Dicky returned heartily, and in his tone I read +the blessed knowledge that my cherished dream had come true, that my +husband and my brother-cousin were friends at last. And from the look +upon Jack's face as his eyes met Katharine's, I knew that he, too, had +found happiness. + +I saw the trio go out of the room, the girl who had wronged me, and +the friends who had helped me. Then my eyes turned to the truest, most +loyal friend of all, Lillian, who stood near us, frankly weeping with +joy. I put out my hand to her, and drew her also into Dicky's embrace. +How long a cry it had been since the days when I was wildly jealous of +her old friendship with Dicky! + +"Will you come away with me for a new honeymoon, sweetheart?" Dicky +asked, tenderly, after awhile, when Lillian had softly slipped away +and left us alone together. + +Into my brain there flashed a sudden picture of the homely living room +in the Brennan house at Marvin, with the leaping fire, which I +knew Jim would have for us whenever we came, with Katie's impetuous +welcome. I turned to Dicky with a passionate little plea. + +"Oh! Dicky," I said earnestly, "take me home." + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Revelations of a Wife, by Adele Garrison + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12084 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a023f6d --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #12084 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12084) diff --git a/old/12084-8.txt b/old/12084-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1258186 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12084-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13062 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Revelations of a Wife, by Adele Garrison + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Revelations of a Wife + The Story of a Honeymoon + +Author: Adele Garrison + +Release Date: April 19, 2004 [EBook #12084] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REVELATIONS OF A WIFE *** + + + + +Produced by Leah Moser and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +[Illustration: "LOOK AT ME, MARGARET."] + +REVELATIONS OF A WIFE + +The Story of a Honeymoon + + +BY + +ADELE GARRISON + +1915, 1916, 1917 + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I. "I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + II. THE FIRST QUARREL + + III. KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + IV. DIVIDED OPINIONS + + V. "ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + VI. A MAID AND MODEL + + VII. A FRIENDLY WARNING + + VIII. A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + IX. THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + X. GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE + + XI. "I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + XII. LOST AND FOUND + + XIII. "IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + XIV. A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + XV. "BUT I LOVE YOU" + + XVI. INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + XVII. A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + XVIII. "CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + XIX. LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + XX. LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + XXI. LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + XXII. AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + XXIII. "BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + XXIV. A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + XXV. PLAYING THE GAME + + XXVI. A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + XXVII. "HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + XXVIII. A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + XXIX. "BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + XXX. THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + XXXI. A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + XXXII. "THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + XXXIII. "MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + XXXIV. A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + XXXV. THE WORD OF JACK + + XXXVI. "AND YET--" + + XXXVII. A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + XXXVIII. "NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + XXXIX. HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + XL. MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + XLI. WHY DID DICKY GO? + + XLII. DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + XLIII. "TAKE ME HOME" + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +Probably it is true that no two persons entertain precisely the same +view of marriage. If any two did, and one happened to be a man and the +other a woman, there would be many advantages in their exemplifying +the harmony by marrying each other--unless they had already married +some one else. + +Sour-minded critics of life have said that the only persons who are +likely to understand what marriage ought to be are those who +have found it to be something else. Of course most of the foolish +criticisms of marriage are made by those who would find the same fault +with life itself. One man who was asked whether life was worth living, +answered that it depended on the liver. Thus, it has been pointed out +that marriage can be only as good as the persons who marry. This is +simply to say that a partnership is only as good as the partners. + +"Revelations of a Wife" is a woman's confession. Marriage is so vital +a matter to a woman that when she writes about it she is always likely +to be in earnest. In this instance, the likelihood is borne out. Adele +Garrison has listened to the whisperings of her own heart. She has +done more. She has caught the wireless from a man's heart. And she has +poured the record into this story. + +The woman of this story is only one kind of a woman, and the man +is only one kind of a man. But their experiences will touch the +consciousness--I was going to say the conscience--of every man or +woman who has either married or measured marriage, and we've all done +one or the other. + +PIERRE RAVILLE. + + + + +Revelations of a Wife + + + + + +I + +"I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + +Today we were married. + +I have said these words over and over to myself, and now I have +written them, and the written characters seem as strange to me as the +uttered words did. I cannot believe that I, Margaret Spencer, 27 years +old, I who laughed and sneered at marriage, justifying myself by the +tragedies and unhappiness of scores of my friends, I who have made for +myself a place in the world's work with an assured comfortable income, +have suddenly thrown all my theories to the winds and given myself +in marriage in as impetuous, unreasoning fashion as any foolish +schoolgirl. + +I shall have to change a word in that last paragraph. I forgot that +I am no longer Margaret Spencer, but Margaret Graham, Mrs. Richard +Graham, or, more probably, Mrs. "Dicky" Graham. I don't believe +anybody in the world ever called Richard anything but "Dicky." + +On the other hand, nobody but Richard ever called me anything shorter +than my own dignified name. I have been "Madge" to him almost ever +since I knew him. + +Dear, dear Dicky! If I talked a hundred years I could not express the +difference between us in any better fashion. He is "Dicky" and I am +"Margaret." + +He is downstairs now in the smoking room, impatiently humoring this +lifelong habit of mine to have one hour of the day all to myself. + +My mother taught me this when I was a tiny girl. My "thinking hour," +she called it, a time when I solved my small problems or pondered my +baby sins. All my life I have kept up the practice. And now I am going +to devote it to another request of the little mother who went away +from me forever last year. + +"Margaret, darling," she said to me on the last day we ever talked +together, "some time you are going to marry--you do not think so now, +but you will--and how I wish I had time to warn you of all the hidden +rocks in your course! If I only had kept a record of those days of my +own unhappiness, you might learn to avoid the wretchedness that was +mine. Promise me that if you marry you will write down the problems +that confront you and your solution of them, so than when your own +baby girl comes to you and grows into womanhood she may be helped by +your experience." + +Poor little mother! Her marriage with my father had been one of those +wretched tragedies, the knowledge of which frightens so many people +away from the altar. I have no memory of my father. I do not know +today whether he be living or dead. When I was 4 years old he ran away +with the woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. All my +life has been warped by the knowledge. Even now, worshipping Dicky as +I do, I am wondering as I sit here, obeying my mother's last request, +whether or not an experience like hers will come to me. + +A fine augury for our happiness when such thoughts as this can come to +me on my wedding day! + +Dicky is an artist, with all the faults and all the lovable virtues +of his kind. A week ago I was a teacher, holding one of the most +desirable positions in the city schools. We met just six months ago, +two of the most unsuited people who could be thrown together. And +now we are married! Next week we begin housekeeping in a dear little +apartment near Dicky's studio. + +Dicky has insisted that I give up my work, and against all my +convictions I have yielded to his wishes. But on my part I have +stipulated that I must be permitted to do the housework of our nest, +with the occasional help of a laundress. I will be no parasite wife +who neither helps her husband in or out of the home. But the little +devils must be busy laughing just now. I, who have hardly hung up +my own nightgown for years, and whose knowledge of housekeeping is +mightily near zero, am to try to make home happy and comfortable for +an artist! Poor Dicky! + +I don't know what has come to me. I worship Dicky. He sweeps me off +my feet with his love, his vivid personality overpowers my more +commonplace self, but through all the bewildering intoxication of +my engagement and marriage a little mocking devil, a cool, cynical, +little devil, is constantly whispering in my ear: "You fool, you fool, +to imagine you can escape unhappiness! There is no such thing as a +happy marriage!" + +Dicky has just 'phoned up from the smoking room to ask me if my hour +isn't up. How his voice clears away all the miasma of my miserable +thoughts! Please God, Dicky, I am going to lock up all my old ideas in +the most unused closet of my brain, and try my best to be a good wife +to you! I will be happy! I will! I WILL! + + + + +II + +THE FIRST QUARREL + + +"I'll give you three guesses, Madge." Dicky stood just inside the door +of the living room, holding an immense parcel carefully wrapped. His +hat was on the back of his head, his eyes shining, his whole face +aglow with boyish mischief. + +"It's for you, my first housekeeping present, that is needed in every +well regulated family," he burlesqued boastfully, "but you are not to +see it until we have something to eat, and you have guessed what it +is." + +"I know it is something lovely, dear," I replied sedately, "but come +to your dinner. It is getting cold." + +Dicky looked a trifle hurt as he followed me to the dining room. I +knew what he expected--enthusiastic curiosity and a demand for the +immediate opening of the parcel, I can imagine the pretty enthusiasm, +the caresses with which almost any other woman would have greeted a +bridegroom of two weeks with his first present. + +But it's simply impossible for me to gush. I cannot express emotion of +any kind with the facility of most women. I worshipped my mother, but +I rarely kissed her or expressed my love for her in words. My love for +Dicky terrifies me sometimes, it is so strong, but I cannot go up +to him and offer him an unsolicited kiss or caress. Respond to his +caresses, yes! but offer them of my own volition, never! There is +something inside me that makes it an absolute impossibility. + +"What's the menu, Madge? The beef again?" + +Dicky's tone was mildly quizzical, his smile mischievous, but I +flushed hotly. He had touched a sore spot. The butcher had brought +me a huge slab of meat for my first dinner when I had timidly ordered +"rib roast," and with the aid of my mother's cook book and my own +smattering of cooking, my sole housewifely accomplishment, I had been +trying to disguise it for subsequent meals. + +"This is positively its last appearance on any stage," I assured him, +trying to be gay. "Besides, it's a casserole, with rice, and I defy +you to detect whether the chief ingredient be fish, flesh or fowl." + +"Casserole is usually my pet aversion," Dicky said solemnly. Look not +on the casserole when it is table d'hote, is one of the pet little +proverbs in my immediate set. Too much like Spanish steak and the +other good chances for ptomaines. But if you made it I'll tackle +it--if you have to call the ambulance in the next half-hour." + +"Dicky, you surely do not think I would use meat that was doubtful, +do you?" I asked, horror-stricken. "Don't eat it. Wait and I'll fix up +some eggs for you." + +Dicky rose stiffly, walked slowly around to my side of the table, and +gravely tapped my head in imitation of a phrenologist. + +"Absolute depression where the bump called 'sense of humor' ought to +be. Too bad! Pretty creature, too. Cause her lots of trouble, in the +days to come," he chanted solemnly. + +Then he bent and kissed me. "Don't be a goose, Madge," he admonished, +"and never, never take me seriously. I don't know the meaning of the +word. Come on, let's eat the thing-um bob. I'll bet it's delicious." + +He uncovered the casserole and regarded the steaming contents +critically. "Smells scrumptious," he announced. "What's in the other? +Potatoes au gratin?" as he took off the cover of the other serving +dish. "Good! One of my favorites." + +He piled a liberal portion on any plate and helped himself as +generously. He ate heartily of both dishes, ignoring or not noticing +that I scarcely touched either dish. + +For I was fast lapsing into one of the moods which my little mother +used to call my "morbid streaks" and which she had vainly tried to +cure ever since I was a tiny girl. + +Dicky didn't like my cooking! He was only pretending! Dicky was +disappointed in the way I received the announcement of his present! +Probably he soon would find me wanting in other things. + +As I took our plates to the kitchen and brought on a lettuce and +tomato salad with a mayonnaise dressing over which I had toiled for an +hour, I was trying hard to choke back the tears. + +When I brought on the baked apples which I had prepared with especial +care for dessert, Dick gave them one glance which to my oversensitive +mind looked disparaging. Then he pushed back his chair. + +"Don't believe I want any dessert today. The rest of the dinner was so +good I ate too much of it. Eat yours and I'll undo your surprise." + +"Whatever in the world?" I began as Dicky lifted the lid and revealed +a big Angora cat. Then my voice changed. "Why, Dicky, you don't +mean--" But Dicky was absorbed in lifting the cat out. + +"Isn't she a beauty?" he said admiringly. But I was almost into the +dining room. + +"I suppose she is," I replied faintly, "but surely you do not intend +her for me?" + +"Why not?" Dicky's tone was sharper than I had ever heard it. He set +the cat down on the floor and she walked over to me. I pushed her away +gently with my foot as I replied: + +"Because I dislike cats--intensely. Besides, you know cats are so +unsanitary, always carrying disease--" + +"Oh, get out of it, Madge," Dicky interrupted. "Forget that scientific +foolishness you absorbed when you were school ma'aming. Besides, this +cat is a thoroughbred, never been outside the home where she was born +till now. Do you happen to know what this gift you are tossing aside +so nonchalantly would have cost if it hadn't been given me by a dear +friend? A cool two hundred, that's all. It seems to me you might try +to get over your prejudices, especially when I tell you that I am very +fond of cats and like to see them around." + +Dicky's voice held a note of appeal, but I chose to ignore it. My +particular little devil must have sat at my elbow. + +"I am sorry," I said coldly, "but really, I do not see why it is any +more incumbent on me to try to overcome my very real aversion to cats +than it is for you to try to do without their society." + +"Very well," Dicky exclaimed angrily, turning toward the door. "If you +feel that way about it, there is nothing more to be said." + +Then Dicky slammed the living room door behind him to emphasize his +words, went down the hall, slammed the apartment door and ran down the +steps. + +Back in the living room, huddled up in the big chair which is the +chief pride of the woman who rents us the furnished apartment, I sat, +as angry as Dicky, and heartsick besides. Our first quarrel had come! + +But the cat remained. What was I to do with her? There is no cure for +a quarrel like loneliness and reflection. Dicky had not been gone a +half-hour after our disagreement over the cat before I was wondering +how we both could have been so silly. + +I thought it out carefully. I could see that Dicky was accustomed to +having his own way unquestioned. He had told me once that his mother +and sister had spoiled him, and I reflected that he evidently expected +me to go on in the same way. + +On the other hand, I had been absolutely my own mistress for years, +the little mother in a way being more my child than I hers. Accustomed +to decide for myself every question of my life I had no desire, +neither had I intention of doing, any clinging vine act with Dicky +posing at the strong oak. + +But I also had the common sense to see that there would be real issues +in our lives without wasting our ammunition over a cat. Then, too, the +remembrance of Dicky's happy face when he thought he was surprising me +tugged at my heart. + +"If he wants a cat, a cat he shall have," I said to myself, and +calling my unwelcome guest to me with a resolute determination to do +my duty by the beast, no matter how distasteful the task, I was just +putting a saucer of milk in front of her when the door opened and +Dicky came in like a whirlwind. + +"How do you wear sackcloth and ashes?" he cried, catching me in his +arms as he made the query. "If you've got any in the house bring 'em +along and I'll put them on. Seriously, girl, I'm awfully sorry I let +my temper out of its little cage. No nice thing getting angry at +your bride, because she doesn't like cats. I'll take the beast back +tomorrow." + +"Indeed, you'll do no such thing," I protested. "You're not the only +one who is sorry, I made up my mind before you came back not only to +keep this cat, but to learn to like her." + +Dicky kissed me. "You're a brick, sweetheart," he said heartily, "and +I've got a reward for you, a peace offering. Get on your frills, for +we're going to a first night. Sanders was called out of town, had the +tickets on his hands, and turned them over to me. Hurry up while I get +into my moonlights." + +"Your what?" I was mystified. + +"Evening clothes, goose." Dicky threw the words over his shoulder as +he took down the telephone receiver. "Can you dress in half an hour? +We have only that." + +"I'll be ready." + +As I closed the door of my room I heard Dicky ask for the number of +the taxicab company where he kept an account. Impulsively, I started +toward him to remonstrate against the extravagance, but stopped as I +heard the patter of rain against the windows. + +"I'll leave this evening entirely in Dicky's hands," I resolved as I +began to dress. + + + + +III + +KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + +Our taxi drew into the long line of motor cars before the theatre and +slowly crept up to the door. Dicky jumped out, raised his umbrella and +guided me into the lobby. It was filled with men and women, some in +elaborate evening dress, others in street garb. Some were going in +to their seats, others were gossiping with each other, still others +appeared to be waiting for friends. + +The most conspicuous of all the women leaned against the wall and +gazed at others through a lorgnette which she handled as if she had +not long before been accustomed to its use. Her gown, a glaringly +cut one, was of scarlet chiffon over silk, and her brocaded cape was +half-slipping from her shoulder. Her hair was frankly dyed, and she +rouged outrageously. + +I gazed at her fascinated. She typified to me everything that was +disagreeable. I have always disliked even being in the neighborhood +of her vulgar kind. What was my horror, then, to see her deliberately +smiling at me, then coming toward us with hand outstretched. + +I realized the truth even before she spoke. It was not I at whom she +was smiling, but Dicky. She was Dicky's friend! + +"Why, bless my soul, if it isn't the Dicky-bird," she cried so loudly +that everybody turned to look at us. She took my hand. "I suppose you +are the bride Dicky's been hiding away so jealously." She looked me up +and down as if I were on exhibition and turning to Dicky said. "Pretty +good taste, Dicky, but I don't imagine that your old friends will see +much of you from now on." + +"That's where you're wrong, Lil," returned Dicky easily. "We're going +to have you all up some night soon." + +"See that you do," she returned, tweaking his ear as we passed on to +our seats. + +I had not spoken during the conversation. I had shaken the hand of the +woman and smiled at her. + +But over and over again in my brain this question was revolving: + +"Who is this unpleasant woman who calls my husband 'Dicky-bird,' and +who is called 'Lil' by him?" + +But I love the very air of the theatre, so as Dicky and I sank into +the old-fashioned brocaded seats I resolutely put away from my mind +all disturbing thoughts of the woman in the lobby who appeared on such +good terms with my husband, and prepared to enjoy every moment of the +evening. + +"Well done, Madge," Dicky whispered mischievously, as, after we had +been seated, I let my cloak drop from my shoulders without arising. +"You wriggled that off in the most approved manner." + +"I ought to," I whispered back. "I've watched other women with envious +attention during all the lean years, when I wore tailor-mades to mill +and to meeting." + +Dicky squeezed my hand under cover of the cloak. "No more lean years +for my girl if I can help it." he murmured earnestly. + +Dicky appeared to know a number of people in the audience. A +half-dozen men and two or three women bowed to him. He told me about +each one. Two were dramatic critics, others artist and actor friends. +Each one's name was familiar to me through the newspapers. + +"You'll know them all later, Madge," he said, and I felt a glow of +pleasure in the anticipation of meeting such interesting people. + +Dicky opened his program, and I idly watched the people between me and +the stage. A few seats in front of us to the left I caught sight of +the woman who had claimed Dicky's acquaintance in the lobby. She +was signaling greetings to a number of acquaintances in a flamboyant +fashion. She would bow elaborately, then lift her hands together as if +shaking hands with the person she greeted. + +"Who is she, Dicky?" I tried to make my voice careless. "I did not +catch her name when you introduced us." + +"You'll probably see enough of her so you won't forget it," returned +Dicky, grinning. "She's one of the busiest little members of the +'Welcome to Our City Committee' in the set I train most with. She +won't rest till you've met all the boys and girls and been properly +lionized. She's one of the best little scouts going, and, if she'd cut +out the war paint and modulate that Comanche yell she calls her voice +there would be few women to equal her for brains or looks." + +"But you haven't told me yet what her name is," I persisted. + +"Well, in private life she's Mrs. Harry Underwood--that's Harry with +her--but she's better known all over the country as the cleverest +producer of illustrated jingles for advertising we have. Remember that +Simple Simon parody for the mincemeat advertisement we laughed over +some time ago, and I told you I knew the woman who did it? There she +is before you," and Dicky waved his hand grandiloquently. + +"Lillian Gale!" I almost gasped the name. + +"The same," rejoined Dicky, and turned again to his program, while I +sat in amazed horror, with all my oldtime theories crumbling around +me. + +For I had read of Lillian Gale and her married troubles. I knew that +Harry Underwood was her second husband and that she had been divorced +from her first spouse after a scandal which has been aired quite fully +in the newspapers. She had not been proved guilty, but her skirts +certainly had been smirched by rumor. According to the ideas which had +been mine, Dicky should have shrunk from having me ever meet such a +woman, let alone planning to have me on terms of intimacy with her. + +What should I do? + +When the curtain went down on the first act I turned to Dicky happily, +eager to hear his comments and filled with a throng of thoughts to +wipe away any remembrance from his mind of the unhappiness that had +promised to mar my evening, and which I feared he had read in my +eyes. But just as I opened my lips to speak, he interrupted me with a +startled exclamation: + +"Sit down, Lil. Hello, Harry." + +Dicky was on his feet in an instant and Lillian Gale was seated next +to me with Dicky and her husband leaning over us before I had fully +realized that the woman, the thought of whom had so disturbed my +evening, was so close to me. + +"I want you to know Mrs. Graham, Harry," Dicky said. + +I glowed inwardly at the note of pride in his voice and looked up to +meet a pair of brilliant black eyes looking at me with an appraising +approval that grated. He was a tall, good looking chap, with an air of +ennui that sat oddly on his powerful frame. I felt sure that I would +like Lillian Gale's husband as little as I did the woman herself. + +I was glad when the lights dimmed slowly, that the second act +was about to begin. Mrs. Underwood rose with a noisy rustling of +draperies. She evidently was one of those women who can do nothing +quietly, and turning to me said, cordially: + +"Be sure to wait for us in the lobby when this is over. We have a +plan," and before I had time to reply she had rustled away to her own +seat, her tall husband following at some little distance behind her, +but apparently oblivious of her presence as if she were a stranger. + +I didn't much enjoy the second act, even though I realized that it was +one of the best comedy scenes I had ever seen, both in its lines and +its acting; but I had a problem to settle, and I longed for the quiet +hour in my own room which my mother had trained me to take every day +since childhood. + +Of course, I realized that Lillian Gale meant to have us join them for +a supper party after the theatre. The invitation would be given to +us in the lobby after the last act. Upon the way that I received that +invitation must depend my future conduct toward this woman. I could +not make one of the proposed party and afterward decline to know her. +My instincts all cried out to me to avoid Lillian Gale. She outraged +all my canons of good taste, although even through my prejudices I had +to admit there was something oddly attractive about her in spite of +her atrocious make-up. + +But, on the other hand, she and her husband appeared to be on most +intimate terms with Dicky. Would I seriously offend him if I refused +to treat his friends with friendliness equal to that which they seemed +ready to shower upon me? + +"Would you like to walk a bit, Madge?" Dicky's voice started me into a +recollection of my surroundings. I had been so absorbed in the problem +of whether I should or should not accept Lillian Gale as an intimate +friend that I did not know that the curtain had fallen on the second +act, nor did I know how the act had ended. My problem was still +unsolved. I welcomed the diversion of a turn in the fresher aid of the +lobby. + +As we passed up the aisle I felt a sudden tug, then an ominous +ripping. The floating chiffon overdrapery of my gown had caught in +a seat. As Dicky bent to release me his face showed consternation. +Almost a length of the dainty fabric trailed on the floor. + +I have schooled my self-repression for many a weary year. I feared my +gown, in which I had taken such pride, was ruined, but I would not let +any one know I cared about it. I gathered it up and smiled at Dicky. + +"It really doesn't matter," I said. "If you'll leave me at the woman's +dressing room I think I can fix it up all right." + +Dicky drew a relieved breath. His heartily murmured, "You're a +thoroughbred for sure, Madge," rewarded me for my composure. I was +just woman enough also to be comforted by the whispered comments of +two women who sat just behind the seat which caused the mischief. + +"Isn't that a shame--that exquisite gown?" and the rejoinder. "But +isn't she game? I couldn't smile like that--I'd be crying my eyes out" + +Dicky left me at the door of the dressing room, pressing a coin slyly +into my hand. "You'll tip the maid," he explained, and I blessed him +for his thoughtfulness. I had been too absorbed in my gown to think of +anything else. + +An obsequious maid provided me with needle, thimble and thread. She +offered to mend the tear for me, but I had a horror of being made +conspicuous by her ministrations. + +"If you'll let me have a chair in a corner I shall do very nicely," +I told her, and was at once snugly ensconced near one of her mirrors +behind the very comfortable rampart of an enormously fat woman in an +exaggerated evening gown, who was devoting much pains and cosmetics +to her complexion. She looked as if she intended to remain at the +particular mirror all the intermission. I hoped she would stay there, +in spite the dagger's looks she was receiving from other complexion +repairers who coveted her place, for she was an effectual shield from +curious eyes. + +To my joy I found that the gown was not ruined, and that it could be +repaired without much expense or trouble. Even the temporary mending I +was doing disguised the break. I was so interested in the mending that +I was completely lost to my surroundings, but the sound of a familiar +name brought me to with a jerk. + +"Did you see the Dicky-bird and his marble bride?" A high-pitched yet +rather sweet voice asked the question, and a deep contralto answered +it. + +"Yes, indeed, and I saw the way Lillian Gale was rushing them. For +my part I don't think that's quite clubby of Lil. Of course she's got +into the way of thinking she has a first mortgage on the Dicky-bird, +but she might give that beautiful bride a chance for her life before +she forecloses." + +"What's the secret of Lil's attraction for Dicky Graham, anyway?" the +soprano voice queried. "She's a good seven years older than he is, and +both her past and her youth are rather frayed at the edges, you know." + +"Oh! love's young dream, and the habit of long association," returned +the contralto. I've heard that Lil was Dicky's first love. She was a +stunner for looks 19 years ago, and Dicky was just young enough to be +swept off his feet." + +"That must have been before Lil married that unspeakable Morten, the +fellow she divorced, wasn't it?" interrupted the soprano. + +"Yes, it was," the contralto answered. "I don't know whether Dicky has +been half in love with Lil all these years or not, but he certainly +has been her best friend. And now comes the news of his marriage to +somebody the crowd never heard of." + +"Well, I think Lil may say good-by to her Dicky-bird now," returned +the first speaker. "That bride is quite the prettiest piece of flesh +and blood I've seen for many days." + +"She is all of that," agreed the other, "She holds all the best cards, +but you'll find she is too statuesque and dignified to play them. +I saw her face tonight when Lil was talking to her. She is not +accustomed to Lil's kind, and she does not like her friendship with +Dicky." + +"You can't blame her for that," interrupted the soprano. "I am sure I +would not like to see my husband dancing attendance on Lillian Gale." + +"No, of course not," the contralto replied; "but she will be just +fool enough to show Dicky her feelings, and Dicky, who is the soul of +loyalty to his friends, will resent her attitude and try to make it up +to Lil and Harry by being extra nice to them. It's too bad. But then, +these marble statue sort of women always sacrifice their love for +their pride or their fool notions or propriety." + +"It will be as good as a play to watch the developments," the soprano +commented. "Come on, we'll be too late for the curtain." + +I felt suddenly faint, and the room appeared to whirl around me. The +maid touched me on the arm. + +"Are you ill, madame? Here!" and she held a glass of water to my lips. +I drank it and motioned her away. + +"I'll be all right in a moment," I murmured. "Thank you, but I am +quite well." + +So this was what marriage would mean to me, a contest with another +woman for my husband's love! A fierce anger took possession of me. +One moment I regretted my marriage to Dicky, the next I was fiercely +primitive as any savage woman in my desire to crush my rival. I could +have strangled Lillian Gale in that moment. Then common sense came +back to me. What was it that woman had said? I had all the best cards +in my hand? Well! I would play them. I felt sure that Dicky loved +me. I would not jeopardize that love for a temporary pride. I would +eliminate Lillian Gale from Dicky's life, but I would bide my time to +do it. + + + + +IV + +DIVIDED OPINIONS + + +If anybody wishes an infallible recipe for taking the romance out +of life, I can recommend washing a pile of dishes which have been left +over from the day before, especially if there be among them a number +of greasy pots and pans. Restoring order to a badly cluttered room is +another glamour destroyer, but the first prize, I stoutly affirm, goes +to the dishes. + +An especially aggravating collection of romance shatterers awaited +me the morning after our visit to the theatre, and my first encounter +with Lillian Gale. + +Dicky took a hurried breakfast and rushed off to the studio, while I +spent a dreary forenoon washing the dishes and putting the apartment +to rights. I dreaded the discussion with Dicky at luncheon. I +had insisted before my marriage that I must either do most of the +housework, or keep up some of my old work to add to our income. To +have a maid, while I did nothing to justify my existence save keep +myself pretty and entertain Dicky, savored too much to me of the harem +favorite. + +A mother of small children, a woman with a large house, one who had +old people to care for, or whose health was not good, was justified in +having help. But for me, well, strong, with a tiny apartment, and just +Dicky, to employ a maid without myself earning at least enough to pay +for the extra expense of having her--it was simply impossible. I had +been independent too long. The situation was galling. + +The postman's ring interrupted my thoughts. I went to the door, +receiving a number of advertisements, a letter or two for Dicky, and +one, addressed in an unfamiliar handwriting, to myself. I opened it +and read it wonderingly. + + + "My dear Mrs. Graham: + + "Our club is planning a course in history for the coming year. We need + an experienced conductor for the class, which will meet once a week. + Your name has been suggested to us as that of one who might be willing + to take up the work. The compensation will not be as large as that given + by the larger clubs for lectures, as we are a small organization, but I + do not think you will have to devote much of your time to the work + outside of the weekly meeting. + + "Will you kindly let me know when I can meet you and talk this over with + you, if you decide to consider it? + + "Yours very truly, + + "HELEN BRAINERD SMITH, + + "Secretary Lotus Study Club, + + "215 West Washington Avenue." + +Had the solution to my problem come? Armed with this I could talk to +Dicky at luncheon without any fears. + +The receipt of the letter put me in a royal good humor. I did not care +how little the compensation was, although I knew it would be far more +than enough to pay the extra expense of having a maid, an expense +which I was determined to defray. + +Teaching or lecturing upon historical subjects was child's play to +me. I had specialized in it, and had been counted one of the most +successful instructors in that branch in the city. Woman's club work +was new to me, but the husband of one of my friends had once conducted +such a course, and I knew I could get all the information I needed +from him. + +I thought of Dicky's possible objections, but brushed the thought +aside. He had objected to my going on with my regular school work and +I realized that the hours which I would have been compelled to give to +that work would have conflicted seriously with our home life. But here +was something that would take me away from home so little. + + * * * * * + +"About that servant question," I began, after Dicky was comfortably +settled and smiling over his cigar. "I will employ one, a first-class, +really competent housekeeper, if you will make no objection to this." + +I opened the letter and handed it to him. He read it through, his face +growing angrier at every line. When he had finished he threw it on the +floor. + +"Well, I guess not," he exclaimed. "I know that club game; it's the +limit. There's nothing in it. They'll pay only a beggarly sum, and +you'll be tied to that same afternoon once a week for a year. Suppose +we had something we wanted to do on that day? We would have to let it +go hang." + +"I suppose if we had something we wanted to do on a day when you had +a commission to execute you would leave your work and go," I answered +quietly. + +"That's entirely different," returned Dicky. "I'm responsible for the +support of this family. You are not. All you have to do is to enjoy +yourself and make home comfortable for me." + +We were interrupted by the door bell. Dicky went to the door while I +hastily dropped the portiers between the living room and the dining +room. I heard Dicky's deep voice in greeting. + +"This is good of you, Lil," and Lillian Gale came into the room with +outstretched hand. + +"Perhaps I shouldn't have come so soon," she said, "but you see I am +bound to know you, even if Dicky does spirit you away when we want you +to join us." + +She threw him a laughing glance as she clasped my hand. + +"I am so glad you have come," I said cordially, but inwardly I +fiercely resented her intrusion, as I deemed it. + +But what was my horror to hear Dicky say casually: + +"You've come at a most opportune time, Lil. Madge has had an offer +from some woman's club to do a lecturing stunt on history, her +specialty, you know, and she wants to take it. I wish you'd help me +persuade her out of it." + +"I cannot imagine why we should trouble Mrs. Underwood with so +personal a matter," I heard myself saying faintly. + +Mrs. Underwood laughed boisterously. "Why, I'm one of the family, my +dear child," she said heartily. Then she looked at me keenly. + +"I might have known that one man would have no chance with two women," +Dicky growled. His tone held capitulation. I knew I had won my battle. +But was it my victory or this woman's I so detested? + +"Don't let this man bully you," she advised half-laughingly. "He's +perfectly capable of it. I know him. By all means accept the offer if +you think it's worth while. All these husbands are a bit archaic yet, +you know. They don't realize that women have joined the human race." + +"Come, Dicky-bird," she rattled on as she saw his darkening face. +"Don't be silly. You'll have to give in. You're just 50 years behind +the times, you know." + +During the remainder of Mrs. Underwood's brief call she ignored Dicky, +and devoted herself to me. There is no denying the fact that she has +great charm when she chooses to exercise it. Dicky, however, appeared +entirely oblivious of it, sitting in moody silence until she rose to +go. + +"You ought to preserve that grouch," she carelessly advised, as he +stood holding the door open for her. "Carefully corked in a glass +jar, it ought to keep to be given to your grandchildren as a horrible +example." + +Dicky grinned reluctantly and bowed low as she passed out of the room +with a cordial adieu to me, but no sooner had the door closed behind +her than he turned to me angrily. + +"Look here, Madge," he exclaimed, "are you really in earnest about +taking that blasted position?" + +"Why! of course I am," I answered. "It seems providential, coming +just as you insist upon having the maid. I can engage one with a clear +conscience now." + +Dicky sprang to his feet with a muttered word that sounded +suspiciously like an oath, and began to walk rapidly up and down the +room, his hands behind his back, and his face dark with anger. Up +and down, up and down he paced, while I, sitting quietly in my chair, +waited, nerving myself for the scene I anticipated. + +When it came, however, it surprised me with the turn it took. Dicky +stopped suddenly in his pacing, and coming swiftly over to me, dropped +on one knee beside my chair and put his arms around me. + +"Sweetheart," he said softly, "I don't want to quarrel about this, nor +do I wish to be unreasonable about it. But, really, it means an awful lot +to me. I don't want you to do it. Won't you give it up for me?" + +I returned Dicky's kiss, and held him tightly as I answered: + +"Dear boy, I'll think it over very carefully. If I possibly can, I +will do as you wish. But, remember, I say if I can. I haven't made you +a definite promise yet." + +"But you will, I know; that's my own dear girl. Good-by. I'll have to +rush back to the studio now." + +Dicky's tone was light and confident as he rose. Life always has been +easy for Dicky. I heard him say once he never could remember the time +when he didn't get his own way. + + + + +V + +"ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + +As soon as Dicky had left the house I cleared away the dishes and +washed them and prepared a dessert for dinner. Then, finding the want +advertisements of the Sunday papers, I looked carefully through the +columns headed "Situations Wanted, Female." + +I clipped the advertisements and fastened each neatly to a sheet of +notepaper. Then I wrote beneath each one: "Please call Thursday or +Friday. Ask for Mrs. Richard Graham, Apartment 4, 46 East Twenty-ninth +street." + +I addressed the envelopes properly, inserted the answers in the +envelopes, sealed and stamped them, then ran out to the post box on +the corner with them. I walked back very slowly, for there was +nothing more that needed to be done, and I could put off no longer the +settling of my problem. + +I locked the door of my room, pulled down the shade and, exchanging my +house dress for a comfortable negligee, lay down upon my bed to think +things out. + +I tried to put myself in Dicky's place, and to understand his reasons +for objecting to my earning any money of my own. I sat upright in bed +as a thought flashed across my brain. Was that the reason? Were his +objections to this plan of mine what he pretended they were? Did he +really fear that I might have unpleasant publicity thrust upon me, and +that some of our pleasure plans might be spoiled by the weekly lecture +engagement? Or was he the type of man who could not bear his wife to +have money or plans or even thoughts which did not originate with him? + +I resolved to find out just what motive was behind his objections. If +he were willing that I should try to earn money in some other way +I would gladly refuse this offer. But if he were opposed to my ever +having any income of my own the issue might as well come now as later. + +A loud ringing at the doorbell awakened me. + +For a moment I could not understand how I came to be in bed. Then +I remembered and throwing off my negligee and putting on a little +afternoon gown, I twisted up my hair into a careless knot and hurried +to the door. The ring had been the postman's. The afternoon newspapers +lay upon the floor. With them was a letter with my former name upon +it in a handwriting that I knew. It had been forwarded from my old +boarding house. The superscription looked queer to me, as if it were +the name of some one I had known long ago. + +"Miss Margaret Spencer," and then, in the crabbed handwriting of my +dear old landlady, "care of Mrs. Richard Graham." + +I opened the letter slowly. It bore a New Orleans heading, and a date +three days before. + + "Dear little girl: + + "A year is a long time between letters, isn't it? But you know I told + you when I left that the chances were Slim for getting a letter back + from the wild territory where I was going, and I found when I reached + there that 'slim' was hardly the word. I wrote you twice, but have + no hope that the letters ever reached you. But now I am back in God's + country, or shall be when I get North, and of course, my first line + is to you. I am writing this to the old place, knowing it will be + forwarded if you have left there. + + "I shall be in New York two weeks from today, the 24th. Of course I + shall go to my old diggings. Telephone me there, so that I can see you + as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a real dinner, at a real + restaurant, with the realest girl in the world opposite me the first + day I strike New York, so get ready for me. I do hope you have been + well and as cheerful as possible. I know what a struggle this year + must have been for you. + + "Till I see you, dear, always your + + "JACK." + +I finished the reading of the letter with mingled feelings of joy and +dismay. Joy was the stronger, however. Dear old Jack was safe at home. +But there were adjustments which I must make. I had my marriage to +explain to Jack, and Jack to explain to Dicky. Nothing but this letter +could have so revealed to me the strength of the infatuation for Dicky +which had swept me off my feet and resulted in my marriage after only +a six months' acquaintance. Reading it I realized that the memory of +Jack had been so pushed into the background during the past six months +that I never had thought to tell Dicky about him. + +"You've made a great conquest," said Dicky that evening when we were +finishing dinner, "Lil thinks you're about the nicest little piece of +calico she has ever measured--those were her own words. She's planning +a frolic for the crowd some night at your convenience." + +"That is awfully kind of her. Where did you see her." I prided myself +on my careless tone, but Dicky gave me a shrewd glance. + +"Why, at the studio, of course. Her studio is on the same floor as +mine, you know. Atwood and Barker and she and I are all on one floor, +and we often have a dish of tea together when we are not rushed." + +I busied myself with the coffee machine until I could control my +voice. How I hated these glimpses of the intimate friendship which +must exist between my husband and this woman! + +"I suppose we ought to have them all over some night," I said at last, +"but I'll have to add a few things to our equipment, and wait until I +get a maid." + +"That will be fine," Dicky assented cordially, pushing back his chair. +"Did the papers come? I'll look them over for a little. Whistle when +you're ready and I'll wipe the dishes for you." + +He strolled into the living room, and I suddenly remembered that I +had laid my letter from Jack on the table, with its pages scattered so +that any one picking them up could not help seeing them. + +I had forgotten all about the letter. I had meant to show it to Dicky +after I had explained about Jack. It was not quite the letter for a +bridegroom to find without expectation. I realized that. + +I could not get the letter without attracting his attention. I waited, +every nerve tense, listening to the sounds in the next room. I heard +the rustling of the newspaper; then a sudden silence told me his +attention had been arrested by something. Would he read the letter? I +did not think so. I knew his sense of honor was too keen for that, but +I remembered that the last page with its signature was at the top of +the sheets as I laid them down. That was enough to make any loving +husband reflect a bit. + +How would Dicky take it? I wondered. I was soon to know. I Heard +him crush the paper in his hand, then come quickly to the kitchen. I +pretended to be busy with the dishes, but he strode over to me, and +clutching me by the shoulder with a grip that hurt, thrust the letter +before my face, and said hoarsely: + +"What does this mean?" + +The last words of Jack's letter danced before my eyes, Dicky's hand +was shaking so. + +"Till I see you, dear. Always Jack." + +Dicky's face was not a pleasant sight. It repulsed and disgusted me. +Subconsciously I was contrasting the way in which he calmly expected +me to accept his friendship for Lillian Gale, and his behavior over +this letter. Five minutes earlier I would have explained to him fully. +I resolved now to put my friendship for Jack upon the same basis as +his for Mrs. Underwood. + +So I looked at him coolly. "Have you read the letter?" I asked +quietly. + +"You know I have not read the letter." he snarled. "It lay on the +papers. I could not help but see this--this--whatever it is," he +finished lamely, "and I have come straight to you for an explanation." + +"Better read the letter," I advised quietly. "I give you full +permission." + +I could have laughed at Dicky, if I had been less angry. He was so +like an angry, curious child in his eagerness to know everything about +Jack. + +"You have no brother. Is this man a relative?" + +"No," I returned demurely. + +"An old lover then, I suppose a confident one, I should judge by the +tone of the letter. Won't it be too cruel a blow to him when he finds +his dear little girl is married?" + +Dicky's tone fairly dripped with irony. "He will be surprised +certainly," I answered, "but as he never was my lover, I don't think +it will be any blow to him." + +"Who is he, anyway? Why have you never told me about him? What does he +look like?" + +Dicky fairly shot the questions at me. I turned and went into my room. +There I rummaged in a box of old photographs until I found two fairly +good likenesses of Jack. I carried them to the kitchen and put them in +Dicky's hands. He glared at them, then threw them on the table. + +"Humph! Looks like a gorilla with the mumps," he growled. "Who is this +precious party, then, if he is not a lover or a relative?" + +"He is an old and dear friend. His friendship means as much to me +as--well--say Lillian Gale's means to you." + +Dicky stared at me a long, long look as if he had just discovered me. +Then he turned on his heel. + +"Well, I'll be--" I did not find out what he would be, for he went out +and slammed the door. + +I sat down to a humiliating half-hour's thought. It isn't a bad idea +at times to "loaf and invite your soul," and then cast up account with +it. My account looked pretty discouraging. + +Dicky and I had been married a little over two weeks. Two weeks +of idiotically happy honeymooning, and then the last three days of +quarrels, reconciliations, jealousies, petty bickerings and the shadow +of real issues between us. + +Was this marriage--heights of happiness, depths of despair, with the +humdrum of petty differences between? + + + + +VI + +A MAID AND MODEL + + +The chiming of the clock an hour after Dicky had gone to the studio +after our little noon dinner next day warned me that I was not dressed +and that the cooks whose advertisements I had answered might call at +any minute. I dressed and arranged my hair. Just as I put in the last +hairpin the bell rang. + +Two women, covertly eyeing each other with suspicion, stood in the +hallway when I opened the door. To my invitation to come in each +responded "Thank you," and the entrance of both was quiet. When they +sat down in the chairs I drew forward for them I mentally appraised +them for a moment. + +One was a middle-aged woman of the strongly marked German type. Clean, +trig, grim, she spelled efficiency in every line of her body. The +other, a tall Polish girl, of perhaps 22, was also extremely neat, but +her pretty brown hair was blown around her face and her blue eyes were +fairly dancing with eagerness, in contrast to the stolid expression of +the other woman. As I faced them, the older woman compressed her lips +in a thin line, while the girl smiled at me in friendly fashion. + +"You came in answer to the advertisements?" I queried. + +The older woman silently held forth my letter and two or three other +papers pinned together. I saw that they were references written in +varying feminine chirography. Her silence was almost uncanny. + +"Oh, yes, Misses," the Polish girl exclaimed. "I put my--what do you +call it? My--" + +"Advertisement," I suggested, smiling. Her good-nature was infectious. + +"Oh, yes, ad-ver-tise-ment, in the paper, Sunday. Today your letter +came, the first letter. I guess hard times now. Nobody wants maids. +I come right queeck. I can do good work, very good. I have good +references. You got maid yet?" + +"Not yet," I answered, and turned to the other woman. + +According to all my theories and my training I should have chosen the +older woman. Efficiency always has been an idol of mine. It was my +slogan in my profession. It is my humiliation that I seem to have +none of it in my housework. The German woman evidently was capable of +administering my household much better than I could do it. Perhaps it +was because of this very reason that I found myself repelled by her, +and subtly drawn by the younger woman's smiling enthusiasm. + +"Have you much company, and does your husband bring home friends +without notice?" The older woman's harsh tones broke in. + +The questions turned the scale. From the standpoint of strict +justice, the standard from which I always had tried to reason, she was +perfectly justified in asking the questions before she took the place. +But intuition told me that our home life would be a dreary thing with +this martinet in the kitchen. + +"That will not trouble you," I said, "for I do not believe I wish your +services. Here is your car fare, and thank you for coming." + +The woman took the car fare with the same stolidity she had shown +through the whole interview. "I do not think I would like you for a +madam, either," she said quietly as she went out. + +The Polish girl bounced from her seat as soon as the door was closed. + +"She no good to talk to you like that," she exclaimed. "She old crank, +anyway. You not like her. See me--I young, strong; I cook, wash, iron, +clean. I do everything. You do notting. I cook good, too; not so much +fancy, but awful good. My last madam, I with her one year. She sick, +go South yesterday. She cry, say 'I so sorry, Katie; you been so good +to me.' I cry, too. Read what she say about me." + +I could read between the lines of the rather odd letter of +recommendation the girl handed me. I had dealt with many girls of +Katie's type in my teaching days. I knew the childish temper, the +irritating curiosity, the petty jealousy, the familiarity which one +not understanding would deem impertinence, with which I would have +to contend if I engaged her. But the other applicant for my work, the +grim vision who had just left, decided me. I would try this eager girl +if her terms were reasonable--and they were. + +As I preceded her into the kitchen I had a sudden qualm. I knew +Dicky's fastidious taste, and that underneath all his good-natured +unconventionality he had rigid ideas of his own upon some topics. I +happened to remember that nothing made him so nervous and irritable +as bad service in a restaurant. His idea of a good waiter was a +well-trained automaton with no eyes or ears. How would he like this +enthusiastic, irrepressible girl? It was too late now, however. I was +committed to a week of her service. + +I had a luxurious afternoon. Katie in the kitchen sang softly over her +work some minor-cadenced Polish folk-song, and I nestled deep in +an armchair by the sunniest window, dipped deep into the pages of +magazines and newspapers which I had not read. I realized with a +start that I was out of touch with the doings of the outside world, +something which had not happened to me before for years, save in the +few awful days of my mother's last illness. I really must catch up +again. + +I was so deep in a vivid description of the desolation in Belgium that +I did not hear Dicky enter. I started as he kissed me. + +"Headache better, sweetheart?" he added, lover-like remembering +and making much of the slight headache I had had when he left that +morning. "It must be, or you wouldn't be able to read that horror." He +closed the magazine playfully and drew me to my feet. + +"I am perfectly well," I replied, "and I have good news for you. We +have a maid, a trifle rough in her manner, but one who I think will be +very good." + +"That's fine," Dicky said heartily. "I'd much rather come home to find +you comfortably reading than scorching your face and reddening your +hands in a kitchen." + +"Say, Missis Graham!" + +Katie came swiftly into the room, and I heard an exclamation of +surprise from Dicky. + +"Why, Katie, wherever did you come from?" + +But Katie, with a scream of fear, her face white with terror, backed +into the kitchen. I heard her opening the door where she had put her +hat and cloak, then the slamming of the kitchen door. + +I looked at Dicky in amazement. What did it all mean? + +He caught up his hat and dashed to the front door. + +"Quick, Madge!" he called. "Follow her out the kitchen door as fast as +you can. I'll meet you at the servant's entrance! I wouldn't let her +get away for a hundred dollars!" + +I obeyed Dicky's instructions, but with a feeling of disgust creeping +over me. I have always hated a scene, and this performance savored too +much of moving picture melodrama to suit me. + +I hurried down the two flights of stairs and on toward the servant's +entrance. I was almost there when Katie came flying back, almost into +my arms. + +"Oh, Missis Graham," she moaned. + +"You kind lady. I pay it all back. I always have it with me. Don't let +him put me in prison. I work, work my fingers to the bone for you. If +you only not let him put me in prison." + +Dicky came up behind us. As she saw him she shrank closer to me in a +pitiful, frightened way, and put out both her hands as if to push him +away. + +"Don't be frightened, Katie," he said. Come to the house and tell me +about it." + +"Bring her into the living room and get her quieted before I talk to +her," suggested Dicky, as he disappeared into his room after I had got +her upstairs. + +Bewildered and displeased at this bizarre situation which had been +thrust upon me, I ushered Katie into the living room and removed her +hat and coat. She trembled violently. + +I went to the dining room and from a decanter in the sideboard poured +a glass of wine and, bringing it back, pressed it to her lips. She +drank it, and the color gradually came back to her face and the +twitching of her muscles lessened. + +When she was calmer I took her hands in mine and, looking her full +in the face in the manner which I had sometimes used to quiet an +hysterical pupil, I said slowly: + +"Listen to me, Katie. You are not going to be put in prison. Mr. +Graham will not harm you in the least. But he wishes to talk to you, +and you must listen to what he has to say." + +Her answer was to seize my hand and cover it with tearful kisses. I +detest any exhibition of emotion, and this girl's utter abandonment +to whatever grief or terror was hers irritated me. But I tried not to +show my feelings. I merely patted her head and said: + +"Come, Katie, you must stop this and listen to Mr. Graham." + +Katie obediently wiped her eyes and sat up very straight. + +"I am all right now," she said quaveringly. "He can come. I tell him +everything." + +Still very nervous but calmer than she had been, Katie remained quiet +when I raised my voice to reach Dicky waiting in the adjoining room. + +"Oh, Dicky," I called, "you may come now." + +Dicky drew a low chair in front of the couch where we sat. + +"Tell me first, Katie," he said kindly, "why do you think I want to +put you in prison? Because of the money? Never mind that. I want to +talk to you of something else." + +But Katie was hysterically tugging at the neck of her gown. From +inside her bodice she took a tiny chamois skin bag, and ripping it +open took out a carefully folded bill and handed it to Dicky. + +"I never spend that money," she said. "I never mean to steal it. But +I had to go away queeck from your flat and I never, never dare come +back, give you the money. After two month, send my cousin to the flat, +but he say you move, no know where. There I always keep the money +here. I think maybe some time I find out where you live and write a +letter to you, send the money." + +Dicky took the bill and unfolded it curiously. A brown stain ran +irregularly across one-half of it. + +"Well, I'll be eternally blessed," he ejaculated, "if it isn't the +identical bill I gave her. Ten-dollar bills were not so plentiful +three years ago, and I remember this one so distinctly because of the +stain. The boys used to say I must have murdered somebody to get it, +and that it was stained with blood." + +He turned to Katie again. + +"The money is nothing, Katie. Why did you run away that day? I never +have been able to finish that picture since." + +Katie's eyes dropped. Her cheeks flushed. + +"I 'shamed to tell," she murmured. + +Dicky muttered an oath beneath his breath. "I thought so," he said +slowly, then he spoke sternly: + +"Never mind being ashamed to tell, Katie. I want the truth. I worked +at your portrait that morning, and then I had to go to the studio. +When I came back you had gone, bag and baggage, and with, the money I +gave you to pay the tailor. I never could finish that picture, and it +would have brought me a nice little sum." + +My brain was whirling by this time. Dicky in a flat with this ignorant +Polish girl paying his tailor bills, and posing for portraits. What +did it all mean? + +"Where did you go?" Dicky persisted. + +Katie lifted her head and looked at him proudly. + +"You know when you left that morning, Mr. Lestaire, he was painting, +too? Well, Mr. Graham, I always good girl in old country and here. I +go to confession. I always keep good. Mr. Lestaire, he kiss me, say +bad tings to me. He scare me. I afraid if I stay I no be good girl. +So I run queeck away. I never dare come bade. That Mr. Lestaire he one +bad man, one devil." + +Dicky whistled softly. + +"So that was it?" he said. "Well that was just about what that +pup would do. That was one reason I got out of our housekeeping +arrangements. He set too swift a pace for me, and that was going some +in those days." + +He turned to Katie, smiling. + +"You see you don't have to be afraid any more. I'm a respectable +married man now, and it's perfectly safe for you to work here. Mrs. +Graham will take care of you. Run along about your work now, that's a +good girl." + +Katie giggled appreciatively. Her mercurial temperament had already +sent her from the depths to the heights. + +"The dinner all spoiled while I cry like a fool," she said. "You ready +pretty soon. I serve." + +She hastened to the kitchen, and I turned to Dicky inquiringly. + +"I suppose you think you have gotten into a lunatic asylum, Madge. Of +all the queer things that Katie should apply for a job here and that +you should take her." + +"I didn't know you ever kept house in a flat before, Dicky." + +"It was a very short experience," he returned, "only three months. +Four of us, Lester, Atwood, Bates and myself pooled our rather scanty +funds and rented a small apartment. We advertised for a general +housekeeper, and Katie answered the advertisement. She had been over +from Poland only a year at a cousin's somewhere on the East side, +and she used to annoy us awfully getting to the flat so early in the +morning and cleaning our living room while we were trying to sleep. +But she was a crack-a-jack worker, so we put up with her superfluous +energy in cleaning. Then one day I discovered her standing with +a letter in her hand looking off into space with her eyes full of +misery. She had heard of some relative." + +"Of course you wanted to paint her," I suggested. + +"You bet," Dicky returned. "The idea came to me in a flash. You +can see what a heroic figure she was. I had her get into her Polish +dress--she had brought one with her from the old country--and I +painted her as Poland--miserable, unhappy Poland. Gee! but I'm glad +you happened to run across her. We'll put up with anything from her +until I get that picture done." + +Try as I might I could not share Dicky's enthusiasm. I knew it was +petty, but the idea of my maid acting as Dicky's model jarred my ideas +of the fitness of things. + +But I had sense enough to hold my peace. + + + + +VII + +A FRIENDLY WARNING + + +I know of nothing more exasperating to a hostess than to have her +guests come to her home too early. It is bad enough to wait a meal for +a belated guest, but to have some critical woman casually stroll in +before one is dressed, or has put the final touches--so dear to every +housewifely heart--on all the preparations, is simply maddening. + +I am no exception to the rule. As I heard the voices of Lillian Gale +and her husband and I realized that they had arrived at 3:30 in the +afternoon, when they had been invited for an evening chafing dish +supper, I was both disheartened and angry. + +But, of course, there was but one thing to do, much as I hated to do +it. I must go into the living room and cordially welcome these people. +As I slipped off my kitchen apron I thought of the hypocrisy which +marks most social intercourse. What I really wanted to say to my +guests was this: + +"Please go home and come again at the proper time. I am not ready to +receive you now." + +I had a sudden whimsical vision of the faces of Dicky and the +Underwoods if I should thus speak my real thoughts. The thought +in some curious fashion made it easier for me to cross the room to +Lillian Gale's side, extend my hand and say cordially: + +"How good of you to come this afternoon!" + +"I know it is unpardonable," Lillian's high pitched voice answered. +"You invited us for the evening, not for the afternoon, but I told +Harry that I was going to crucify the conventions and come over early, +so I would have a chance to say more than two words to you before the +rest get here." + +Harry Underwood elbowed his wife away from my side with a playful +push, and held out his hand. His brilliant, black eyes looked down +into mine with the same lazy approving expression that I had resented +when Dicky introduced me to him at the theatre. + +I cudgelled my brain in vain for some airy nothing with which to +answer his nonsense. I never have had the gift of repartee. I can talk +well enough about subjects that interest me when I am conversing with +some one whom I know well, but the frothy persiflage, the light banter +that forms the conversation's stock in trade of so many women, is an +alien tongue to me. + +"You are just as welcome as Mrs. Underwood is," I said heartily at +last. Fortunately he did not read the precisely honest meaning hidden +in my words. + +"Come on, Harry, into my room," urged Dicky, taking him by the arm. +"I've got a special brand cached in there, and had to hide it so mein +frau wouldn't drink it up." + +I suppose my face reflected the dismay I felt at this intimation that +the women would begin drinking so early. I feared for the repetition +of the experience of Friday evening. But the laws of conventions and +hospitality bound me. I felt that I could not protest. Mrs. Underwood +apparently had no such scruples. She clutched Dicky by the arm and +swung him around facing her. + +"Now, see here, my Dicky-bird," she began, "you begin this special +bottle kind of business and I walk out of here. I should think you and +Harry would have had enough of this the other evening. We came over +here today for a little visit, and tonight we'll sit on either the +water wagon or the beer wagon, just as Mrs. Graham says. But you boys +won't start any of these special drinks, or I'll know the reason why." + +"Oh, cut it out, Lil," her husband said, not crossly, but +mechanically, as if it were a phrase he often used. But Dicky laughed +down at her, although I knew by the look in his eyes that he was much +annoyed. + +"All right, Lil," he said easily. "I suppose Madge will fall in +gratitude on your neck for this when she gets you into the seclusion +of her room. You haven't any objection to our having a teenty-weenty +little smoke, have you, mamma dear?" + +"Go as far as you like," she returned, ignoring the sneers. + +As I turned and led the way to my room, I was conscious of curiously +mingled emotions. Relief at the elimination of the special bottle with +its inevitable consequences and resentment that Dicky should so +weakly obey the dictum of another woman, battled with each other. But +stronger than either was a dawning wonder. From the conversation I +had overheard in the theatre dressing-room and trifling things in +Mrs. Underwood's own conduct, I had been led to believe that she was +sentimentally interested in Dicky, and that some time in the future +I might have to battle with her for his affections. But her speech to +him which I had just heard savored more of the mother laying down +the law to a refractory child than it did of anything approaching +sentiment. Could it be, I told myself, that I had been mistaken? + +Our husbands looked exceedingly comfortable when we rejoined them, for +they were smoking vigorously and discussing the merits of two boxers +Mr. Underwood had recently seen. As we entered the room both men, +of course, sprang to their feet, and I had a moment's opportunity to +contrast their appearance. + +Dicky is slender, lithe, with merry brown eyes and thick, brown hair, +with a touch of auburn in it, and just enough suspicion of a curl to +give him several minutes' hard brushing each day trying to keep it +down. Harry Underwood, taller even than Dicky, who is above the medium +height, is massive in frame, well built, muscular, with black hair +tinged with gray, and the blackest, most piercing eyes I have ever +seen. I was proud of Dicky as I stood looking at them, while +Lillian exchanged some merry nonsense with Dicky, but I also had to +acknowledge that Harry Underwood was a splendid specimen of manhood. + +As if he had read my thoughts, his eyes caught mine and held them. To +all appearances he was listening to the banter of Dicky and his wife, +but there was an inscrutable look in his eyes, an enigmatical smile +upon his lips, as he looked at me that vaguely troubled me. His +glance, his smile, seemed significant somehow, as if we were old +friends who held some humorous experience in common remembrance. And I +had never seen him but once before in my life. + +I shrugged my shoulders, ever so slightly. It is a habit of mine when +I am displeased, or wish to throw off some unpleasant sensation of +memory. I was almost unconscious of having used the gesture. But +Harry Underwood crossed the room as if it had been a signal, and stood +looking down quizzically at me. + +"Little lady," he began, "you shouldn't hold a grudge so well. It +doesn't harmonize with your eyes and your mouth. They were meant for +kindness, not severity. If there is any way that I can show you I am +humbled to the dust for coming here I'll do any penance you say." + +"You must be mistaken, Mr. Underwood." I strove to control my voice. +"I have no grudge whatever against you, so you see you are absolved in +advance from my penance." + +"Will you shake hands on it?" He put out his large, white, beautifully +formed hand and grasped mine before I had half extended it. + +I felt myself flushing hotly. Of all the absolutely idiotic things +in the world, this standing hand in hand with Harry Underwood, in a +formal pact of friendship or forgiveness or whatever he imagined the +hand-clasp signified, was the most ridiculous. He was quick enough +to fathom my distaste, but he clasped my hand tighter and, bending +slightly so that he could look straight into my eyes he said, lazily +smiling: + +"You are the most charming prevaricator I know. You come pretty near +to hating me, little lady. But you won't dislike me long. I'll make a +bet with myself on that." + +"Hold that pose just a minute. Don't move. It's simply perfect." + +Lillian Underwood's merry voice interrupted her husband's declaration. +With clever mimicry she struck the attitude of a nervous photographer +just ready to close the shutter of his camera. Dicky stood just behind +her too, also smiling, but while Lillian's merriment evidently was +genuine, I detected a distaste for the proceedings behind Dicky's +smile, which I knew was forced. + +Lillian slipped in an imaginary plate, then springing to one side +stood pretending to clasp the bulb of the shutter in her hand, while +she counted: "One, two, three, four, five--thank you!" + +"Now if you will just change your expressions," she rattled on. +"Harry, why don't you take both her hands? Then if Mrs. Graham will +smile a little we will have a sentimental gem, or if she makes her +expression even a trifle more disapproving than it is I can label it, +'Unhand me, villain.'" + +"I never take a dare," returned her husband, and snatched my other +hand. But I was really angry by this time, and I wrenched my hands +away with an effort and threw my head a trifle haughtily, although +fortunately I was able to control my words: + +"Do you know, people, that there will be no food for you tonight +unless I busy myself with its preparations immediately? Mrs. +Underwood, won't you entertain those boys and excuse me for a little +while?" + +I went into the dining room and put on the kitchen apron I had taken +off when I heard the voices of my early guests. Almost immediately +Lillian appeared arrayed in the apron I had given her. She came up to +the table and surveyed it with appraising eyes. + +"I am glad of this chance to speak with you alone, for I want to +explain to you about him." + +She stopped with an embarrassed flush. I gazed at her in amazement. +Lillian Underwood flustered! I could not believe my eyes. + +"You are not used to us or our ways, or I shouldn't bother to tell you +this. But I can see that you are much annoyed at Harry, and I don't +blame you. But you mustn't mind him. He is really harmless. He falls +in love with every new face he sees, has a violent attack, then gets +over it just as quickly. You are an entirely new type to him, so I +suppose his attack this time will be a little more prolonged. He'll +make violent love to you behind my back or before my face, but you +mustn't mind him. I understand, and I'll straighten him out when he +gets too annoying." + +The embarrassed flush had disappeared by this time. She was talking +in as cool and matter-of-fact manner as if she had been discussing the +defection of a cook. + +My first emotion was resentment against my husband. + +Why, I asked myself passionately, had Dicky insisted upon my +friendship with these people? Suppose they were his most intimate +friends? I was his wife, and I had nothing whatever in common with +them. Knowing them as well as he did, he must have known Harry +Underwood's propensities. He must also have known the gossip that +connected his own name with Lillian's. He should have guarded me from +any contact with them. I felt my anger fuse to a white heat against +both my husband and Lillian. + +An ugly suspicion crossed my mind. Lillian Gale's absolute calmness +in the face of her husband's wayward affections was unique in my +experience of women. Was the secret of her indifference, a lack of +interest in her own husband or an excess of interest in mine? Did she +hope perhaps to gain ground with Dicky with the development of this +situation? Was her warning to me only part of a cunningly constructed +plan, whereby she would stimulate my interest in Harry Underwood? + +I was ashamed of my thoughts even as they came to me. Lillian Gale +seemed too big a woman, too frank and honest of countenance for such +a subterfuge. But I could not help feeling all my old distrust and +dislike of the woman rush over me. I had a struggle to keep my voice +from being tinged with the dislike I felt as I answered her: + +"I am sure you must be mistaken, Mrs. Underwood. Such a possibility as +that would be unspeakably annoying We will not consider it." + +"I think you will find you will have to consider it," she returned +brusquely, with a curious glance at me "But we do not need to spoil +our afternoon discussing it." + + + + +VIII + +A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + +It was well after 7 o'clock when the ringing of the door bell told me +that the Lesters had come. Dicky welcomed them and introduced me +to them. Mrs. Lester was a pretty creature, birdlike, in her small +daintiness, and a certain chirpy brightness. I judged that her +mentality equalled the calibre of a sparrow, but I admitted also that +the fact did not detract from her attractiveness. She was the sort of +woman to be protected, to be cherished. + +"I'm afraid I shall be very dull tonight. I am so worried about +leaving the baby. She's only six months old, you know, and, I have had +my mother with me ever since she was born until two weeks ago, so I +have never left her with a maid before. This girl we have appears very +competent, says she is used to babies, but I just can't help being as +nervous as a cat." + +"Are you still worrying about that baby?" Mrs. Underwood's loud voice +sounded behind us. "Now, look here, Daisy, have a little common sense. +You have had that maid over a year; she has been with your mother and +you since the baby was born; there's a telephone at her elbow, and you +are only five blocks away from home. Wasn't the child well when you +left?" + +"Sleeping just like a kitten," the proud mother answered. "You just +ought to have seen her, one little hand all cuddled up against her +face. I just couldn't bear to leave her." + +Over Lillian Gale's face swept a swift spasm of pain. So quickly was +it gone that I would not have noticed it, had not my eyes happened to +rest on her face when Mrs. Lester spoke of her baby. Was there a child +in that hectic past of hers? I decided there must be. + +"Why don't you telephone now and satisfy yourself that the baby is all +right, and instruct the maid to call you if she sees anything unusual +about her?" I queried. + +"Tell her you are going to telephone every little while. Then she will +be sure to keep on the job," cynically suggested Mrs. Underwood. + +"Oh, that will be just splendid," chirped Mrs. Lester. "Thank you so +much, Mrs. Graham. Where is the telephone?" + +"Dicky will get the number for you," said Mrs. Underwood, ushering her +into the living room. I heard her shrill voice. + +"Oh, Dicky-bird, please get Mrs. Lester's apartment for her. She wants +to be sure the baby's all right." + +Then I heard a deeper voice. "For heaven's sake, Daisy, don't make a +fool of yourself. The kid's all right." That was Mr. Lester's voice, +of course. Neither the tones of Dicky nor Harry Underwood had the +disagreeable whining timbre of this man's. + +Lillian's retort made me smile, it was so characteristic of her. + +"Who unlocked the door of your cage, anyway? Get back in, and if you +growl again tonight there will be no supper for you." + +We all laughed and I went to help Katie put the finishing touches to +our dinner. When I returned Mrs. Lester was seated in an armchair in +the corner as if on a throne, with Harry Underwood in an attitude of +exaggerated homage before her. + +I felt suddenly out of it all, lonely. These people were nothing +to me, I said to myself. They were not my kind. I had a sudden +homesickness for the quiet monotony of my life before I married Dicky. +I thought of the few social evenings I had spent in the days before +I met Dicky, little dinners with the principals and teachers I had +known, when I had been the centre of things, when my opinions had been +referred to, as Lillian Gale's were now. + +I went through the rest of the evening in a daze of annoyance and +regret from which I did not fully emerge until we were all at the +dinner table, with Dicky officiating at the chafing dish. Then +suddenly Mrs. Lester turned to me, her face filled with nervous fears. + +"Oh, Mrs. Graham, I don't believe I can wait for anything. I am +getting so nervous about baby. I know it's awful to be so silly, but I +just can't help it." + +"Daisy!" Her husband's voice was stern, his face looked angry. "Do +stop that nonsense. We are certainly not going home now." + +His wife seemed to shrink into herself. Her pretty face, with its +worried look, was like that of a little girl grieving over a doll. I +felt a sudden desire to comfort her. + +"I think you are worrying yourself unnecessarily, Mrs. Lester," I said +in an undertone. We were sitting next each other, and I could speak to +her without her husband overhearing. "When you telephoned the maid an +hour ago, the baby was all right, wasn't she?" + +"Yes, I know," she returned dejectedly. "But I have heard such +dreadful things about maids neglecting babies left in their care. +Suppose she should leave her alone in the apartment, and something +should catch fire and--" + +"See here, Daisy!" Lillian Gale joined our group, coffee cup in hand. +"Drink your coffee and your cordial. Then pretty soon, if you feel you +really must go, I'll gather up Harry and start for home. Then you can +make Frank go." + +"You are awfully good, Lillian." Mrs. Lester looked gratefully up at +the older woman. "I know I am as silly as I can be, but you can't know +how I am imagining every dreadful thing in the calendar." + +"I know all about it," Mrs. Underwood returned shortly, almost curtly, +and walked away toward the group of men at the other side of the +apartment. + +"I never knew that she ever had a child." Mrs. Lester's eyes were wide +with amazement as they met mine. + +"Neither did I." Purposely I made my tone non-committal. From the look +in Lillian Gale's eyes when Mrs. Lester told us in my room of the way +the baby looked asleep, I knew that some time she must have had a baby +of her own in her arms. + +But I detest gossip, no matter how kindly--if, indeed, gossip can ever +be termed kindly. I could not discuss Mrs. Underwood's affairs with +any one, especially when she was a guest of mine. + +"But she must have had a baby some time," persisted little Mrs. +Lester. Her anxiety about her own baby appeared to be forgotten for +the moment. "It must have been a child of that awful man she divorced, +or who divorced her. I never did get that story right." + +I looked around the room. How I wished some one would interrupt our +talk. I could not listen to Mrs. Lester's prattle without answering +her, and I did not wish to express any opinion on the subject. + +As if answering my unspoken wish, Harry Underwood rose and came toward +me. + +"Were you looking for me?" he queried audaciously. + +I had a sudden helpless, angry feeling that this man had been covertly +watching me. Annoyed as I was, I was glad that he had interrupted +us, for his presence would effectually stop Mrs. Lester's surmises +concerning his wife. + +"Indeed I was not looking for you," I replied spiritedly. "But I +am glad you are here. Please talk to Mrs. Lester while I go to the +kitchen. I must give some directions to Katie." + +"Of course that's a terribly hard task"--he began, smiling +mischievously at Mrs. Lester. + +But he never finished his sentence. A loud, prolonged ringing of +the doorbell startled us all. It was the sort of ring one always +associates with an urgent summons of some sort. + +"Oh! my baby. I know something's happened to the baby and they've come +to tell me." + +Mrs. Lester's words rang high and shrill. They changed to a shriek as +Dicky opened the door and fell back startled. + +For past him rushed a girl with a fear-distorted face holding in her +arms a baby that to my eyes looked as if it were dead. + +But I had presence of mind enough to quiet Mrs. Lester's hysterical +fears. + +"That is not your baby," I said sharply, grasping her by the arm. "It +is the child from across the hall!" + +There is nothing in the world so pitiful to witness as the suffering +of a baby. + +We all realized this as the maid held out to us the tiny infant, rigid +and blue as if it were already dead. + +"Is the baby dead?" she gasped, her face convulsed with grief and +fear. "My madam is at the theatre, and the baby has been fretty for +two hours, and just a minute ago he stiffened out like this. Oh, dear! +Oh, dear!" she began to sob. + +"Stop that!" Lillian Gale's voice rang out like a trumpet. "The baby +is not dead. It is in a convulsion. Give it to me and run back to your +apartment and bring me some warm blankets." + +Of the six people at our little chafing dish supper, so suddenly +interrupted, she was the only one who knew what to do. I had been able +to, quiet Mrs. Lester's hysteria by telling her at once that the +baby was not her own, as she had so widely imagined, but was helpless +before the baby's danger. + +Lillian's orders came thick and fast. She dominated the situation and +swept us along in the fight to save the baby's life until the doctor, +who had been summoned, arrived. + +The physician was a tall, thin, young man, with a look of efficiency +about him. He looked at the baby carefully, laid his hand upon the +tiny forehead, then straightened himself. + +"Is there any way in which the child's parents can be found?" Mr. +Underwood evidently had told him of the nature of the seizure and the +absence of the parents on the way up. + +Lillian Gale's face grew pale under her rouge. + +"There is danger, doctor?" she asked quietly + +"There is always danger in these cases," he returned quietly, but his +words were heard by a wild-eyed woman in evening dress who rushed +through the open door followed by a man as agitated as she. + +I said an unconscious prayer of thankfulness. + +The baby's mother had arrived. + +It seemed a week, but it was in reality only two hours later when +Lillian Gale returned from the apartment across the hall, heavy eyed +and dishevelled, her gown splashed with water, her rouge rubbed off in +spots, her whole appearance most disreputable. + +"The baby?" we all asked at once. + +"Out of any immediate danger, the doctor says. The nurse came an hour +ago, but the child had two more of those awful things, and I was able +to help her. The mother is no good at all, one of those emotional +women whose idea of taking care of a baby is to shriek over it." + +Her voice held no contempt, only a great weariness. I felt a sudden +rush of sympathetic liking for this woman, whom I had looked upon as +an enemy. + +"What can I get you, Mrs. Underwood?" I asked. "You look so worn out." + +"If Katie has not thrown out that coffee," she returned practically, +"let us warm it up." + +I felt a foolish little thrill of housewifely pride. A few minutes +before her appearance I had gone into the kitchen and made fresh +coffee, anticipating her return. Katie, of course, I had sent to bed +after she had cleared the table and washed the silver. I had told her +to pile the dishes for the morning. + +"I have fresh coffee all ready," I said. "I thought perhaps you might +like a cup. Sit still, and I'll bring it in." + +Harry Underwood sprang to his feet. "I'll carry the tray for you." + +I thought I detected a little quiver of pain on Mrs. Underwood's face. +Her husband had expressed no concern for her, but was offering to +carry my tray. Truly, the tables were turning. I had suffered because +of the rumors I had heard concerning this woman's regard for Dicky. +Was I, not meaning it, to cause her annoyance? + +"Indeed you will do no such thing," I spoke playfully to hide my real +indignation at the man. "Dicky is the only accredited waiter around +this house." + +"Card from the waiters' union right in my pocket," Dicky grinned, and +stretched lazily as he followed me to the kitchen. + +We served the coffee, and Lillian and her husband went home. As the +door closed behind them Dicky came over to me and took me in his arms. + +"Pretty exciting evening, wasn't it, sweetheart?" he said. "I'm afraid +you are all done out." + +He drew me to our chair and we sat down together. I found myself +crying, something I almost never do. Dicky smoothed my hair tenderly, +silently, until I wiped my eyes. Then his clasp tightened around me. + +"Tonight has taught me a lesson," he said. "Sometimes I have dreamed +of a little child of our own, Madge. But I would rather never have a +child than go through the suffering those poor devils had tonight. It +must be awful to lose a baby." + +I hid my face in his shoulder. Not even to my husband could I confess +just then how the touch of the naked, rigid little body of that other +woman's child had sent a thrill of longing through me for a baby's +hands that should be mine. + + + + +IX + +THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + +"Well, we are in plenty of time." + +We were seated, Dicky and I, in the waiting room of the Long Island +railroad a week after my dinner party that had almost ended in +tragedy. Dicky had bought our tickets to Marvin, the little village +which was to be the starting point of our country ramble, and we were +putting in the time before our train was ready in gazing at the usual +morning scene in a railroad station. + +There were not many passengers going out on the island, but scores +of commuters were hurrying through the station on their way to their +offices and other places of employment. + +"You don't see many of the commuters up here," Dicky remarked. "There's +a passage direct from the trains to the subway on the lower level, and +most of them take that. Some of the women come up to prink a bit in +the waiting room, and some of the men come through here to get cigars +or papers, but the big crowd is down on the train level." + +I hardly heard him, for I was so interested in a girl who had just +come into the waiting room. I had never seen so self-possessed a +creature in my life. She was unusually beautiful, with golden hair +that was so real the most captious person could not suspect that hair +of being dyed. Her eyes were dark, and the unusual combination of eyes +and hair fitted a face with regular features and a fair skin. I had +seen Christmas and Easter cards with faces like hers. But I had never +seen anyone like her in real life, and I am afraid I stared at her as +hard as did everyone else in the waiting room. + +"By jove!" Dicky drew in a deep breath. "Isn't she the most ripping +beauty you ever saw?" + +His eyes were following her lithe, perfect figure as she walked down +the waiting room. I have never seen a pretty girl appear so utterly +unconscious of the glances directed toward her as she did. But with +a woman's intuition I knew that underneath her calm exterior she was +noticing and appraising every admiring look she received. I could not +have told how I knew this, but I did know it. + +She sat down a little distance from us, and Dicky frankly turned quite +around to stare at her. + +"I wonder if she's going on our train," he mused. "By George, I never +saw anything like her in my life." + +I looked at him in open amazement, tinged not a little with +resentment. He was with me, his bride of less than a month, for our +first day's outing since our marriage, and yet his eyes were +following this other woman with the most open admiration. I felt hurt, +neglected, but I was determined he should not think me jealous. + +"Yes, isn't she beautiful," I said as enthusiastically as I could. "I +never have seen just that combination of eyes and hair." + +"It's her features and figure that get me. I'd like to get a glimpse +of her hands and feet. Perhaps she will sit near us in the train. If +she does, I promise you I am going to stare at her unmercifully." + +As luck would have it, just as we seated ourselves in the train, the +girl we had seen in the railway station came through the door with +the same air of regal unconsciousness of her surroundings that she had +shown while running the gauntlet of the admiring and critical eyes in +the waiting room. + +She carried in her hand a small traveling bag, which, while not new, +had received such good care that it was not at all shabby. She spent +no time in selecting a seat, but with an air of taking the first one +available sat down directly opposite Dicky and me, depositing her bag +close to her feet. + +As she sat down she calmly crossed her knees, something which I hate +to see a woman do in a public place. + +"Gee, she has the hands and the feet all right!" + +Dicky has a trick of mumbling beneath his breath, so that no one can +detect that he is talking save the person whose ear is nearest to +him. It is convenient sometimes, but at other times it is most +embarrassing, especially when he is making comments upon people near +us. + +"I don't blame her for elevating one foot above the other," Dicky +rattled on. "Not one woman in a thousand can wear those white spats. +She must have mighty small, well-shaped tootsies under them." + +The girl sat looking straight ahead of her. The crossing of her knees +revealed a swirl of silken petticoat, and more than a glimpse of filmy +silk stockings. + +Her shoes were patent leather pumps, utterly unsuitable for a trip to +the country. Over them she wore spats of the kind affected by so many +girls. + +I had a sudden remembrance of times in my own life when a new pair of +shoes was as impossible to attain as a whole wardrobe. I had a sudden +intuition that the unsuitable pumps were like the rest of her clothes, +left over from some former affluence. She had bravely made the best of +them by covering them with spats, which I knew she could obtain quite +cheaply at some bargain sale. + +"Looks like ready money, doesn't she?" mumbled Dicky in my ear. + +I did not answer, and suddenly Dicky stared at me. + +"A trifle peeved, aren't you?" Dicky's voice was mocking. But he saw +what I could not conceal, that tears were rising to my eyes. I was +able to keep from shedding them, and no one but Dicky could possibly +have guessed I was agitated. + +He changed his tone and manner on the instant. + +"I know I have been thoughtless, sweetheart," he said earnestly, "but +I keep forgetting that you are not used to my vagaries yet. Tell me +honestly, would you have been so resentful if I had been interested in +some old man with chin whiskers as I was in the beautiful lady?" + +A light broke upon me. How foolish I had been. I looked at Dicky +shamefacedly. + +"You mean--" + +"That she's exactly the model I've been looking for to pose for those +outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants. One of the series is to be a +girl on a step ladder, picking apple blossoms. She is to be on her +knees, and one foot is to be stretched out behind her. The picture +demands a perfect foot and ankle, and this girl has them. Her features +and hair, too, are just the type I want. She would know how to pose, +too. You can see that from her air as she sits there. And that's half +the battle. If they do not have the faculty of posing naturally they +could never be taught." + +I felt much humiliated, and I was very angry, but I must remember, I +told myself, that I had married an artist. I foresaw, however, many +complications in our lives together. If every time we took a trip +anywhere, Dicky was to spend his time planning to secure the services +of some possible model I could see very little pleasure for me in our +outings. + +But I knew an apology was due Dicky, and I gathered courage to make +it. + +"I am sorry to have annoyed you, Dicky," I said at last. "But I did +not dream that you were looking at her as a possible model." + +"And looked at from any other standpoint it was rather raw of me," +admitted Dicky. "But let's forget it. She'll probably drop off the +train at Forest Hills or Kew Gardens, she looks like the product of +those suburbs, and I'll never see her again." + +But his prediction was not fulfilled. + +"Marvin!" + +The conductor shouted the word as the train drew up to one of the most +forlorn looking railroad stations it was ever my lot to see. + +Dicky and I rose from our seats, he with subdued excitement, I with +a feeling of depression. For the girl who had claimed so much of our +attention was getting off at Marvin after all. + +I remembered the bargain I had made with my conscience. + +"What do you know about that?" Dicky exclaimed, as he saw her go down +the aisle ahead of us. "She also is getting off here. I wonder who she +is?" + +"Listen, Dicky," I said rapidly. "Walk ahead, see in which direction +she goes, and ask the station master if he knows who she is. I know +something which I will tell you when you have done that. Perhaps you +may have her for a model, after all." + +Dicky gave me one swift glance of mingled surprise and admiration, +then did as I asked. As I followed him down the aisle and noted the +eagerness with which he was hurrying, I felt a sudden qualm of doubt. +Was I really doing the wisest thing? + +I waited quietly on the station platform until Dicky rejoined me. + +"Her name's Draper," he said. "The station agent doesn't know much +about her, except that she visits a sister, Mrs. Gorman, here every +summer. He never saw her here in the winter before. I got Mrs. +Gorman's address, 329 Shore Road, called Shore Road because it never +gets anywhere near the shore. Much good the address will do me, +though. Queer she doesn't take the bus. It must be a mile to her +sister's home. She's probably one of those walking bugs." + +"She didn't take the bus because she could not afford it," I said +quietly. + +Dicky stared at me in amazement. + +"How do you know?" he said finally. "Do you know her? No, of course +you don't. But how in creation--" + +"Listen, Dicky," I interrupted. "I've turned too many dresses of my +own not to recognize makeshifts when I see them. Everything that girl +has on except her stockings and gloves has been remodelled from her +old stuff. Her pumps are not suitable at all for walking; they are +evening pumps, of a style two years old at that. But she has covered +them with spats, so that no one will suspect that she wears them from +necessity, not choice." + +"Well, I'll be--" Dicky uttered his favorite expletive. "It takes one +woman to dissect another. She looked like the readiest kind of ready +money to me. Why, say, if what you say is true, she ought to be glad +to earn the money I could pay her for posing. I could get her lots of +other work, too." + +"Perhaps she wouldn't like to do that sort of thing." + +"What sort of thing? What's wrong with it?" Dicky asked belligerently. +"Oh, you mean figure posing! She wouldn't have to do that at all +if she didn't want to. Plenty of good nudes. It's the intangible, +high-bred look and ability to wear clothes well that's hard to get." + +We had walked past the unpainted little shack that but for the word +"Marvin" in large letters painted across one end of it would never +have been taken for a railroad station. Without looking where we were +going we found ourselves in front of an immense poster on a large +board back of the station. The letters upon it were visible yards +away. + +"Marvin," it read, "the prettiest, quaintest village on the south +shore. Please don't judge the town by the station." + +He took my arm and turned me away from the billboard toward a wide, +dusty road winding away from the station to the eastward. + +"But, Dicky," I protested. "I thought you wanted to see about securing +that girl as a model." + +"Oh, that can wait," said Dicky carelessly. + +My heart sang as I slipped my arm in Dicky's. It was going to be an +enjoyable day after all. + + + + +X + +"GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE" + + +"What's the matter, Madge? Got a grouch or something?" + +Dicky faced me in the old hall of the deserted Putnam Manor Inn, where +we had expected to find warmth and food and the picturesqueness of a +century back. Instead of these things we had found the place in the +hands of a caretaker. Dicky had asked to go through the house on the +pretence of wishing to rent it. + +"I haven't a bit of a grouch." I tried to speak as cheerfully as I +could, for I dreaded Dicky's anger when I told him my feeling upon the +subject of going over the house under false pretences. "But I don't +think it is right for us to go through the rooms. The woman wouldn't +have let us come in if you hadn't said we wished to rent it. It's +deception, and I wish you wouldn't insist upon my going any further. I +can't enjoy seeing the rooms at all." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment as if I were some specimen of humanity +he had never seen before. Then he exploded. + +"Another one of your scruples, eh? By Jove, I wonder where you keep +them all. You're always ready to trot one out just in time to spoil +any little thing I'm trying to do for your pleasure or mine." + +"Please hush, Dicky," I pleaded. I was afraid the woman in the next +room would hear him, he spoke in such loud tones. + +"I'll hush when I get good and ready." I longed to shake him, his tone +and words were so much like those of a spoiled child. But he lowered +his tone, nevertheless, and stood for a minute or two in sulky silence +before the empty fireplace. + +"Well! Come along," he said at last. "I'm sure there is no pleasure +to me in looking over this place. I've seen it often enough when old +Forsman had it filled with colonial junk, and served the best meals to +be found on Long Island. It's like a coffin now to me. But I thought +you might like to look it over, as you had never seen it. But for +heaven's sake let us respect your scruples!" + +I knew better than to make any answer. I wished above everything +else to have this day end happily, this whole day to ourselves in the +country, upon which I had counted so much. I feared Dicky would be +angry enough to return to the city, as he had threatened to do when +he found the inn closed. So it was with much relief that after we had +gone back into the other room I heard him ask the caretaker if there +were some place in the neighborhood where we could obtain a meal. + +"Do you know where the Shakespeare House is?" she asked. + +"Never heard of it," Dicky answered, "although I've been around here +quite a bit, too." + +"It's about six blocks further down toward the bay," she said, still +in the same colorless tone she had used from the first. "It's on Shore +Road. The Germans own it. Mr. Gorman, he's a builder, and he built +an old house over into a copy of Shakespeare's house in England. Mrs. +Gorman is English. She serves tea there on the porch in the summer, +and I've heard she will serve a meal to anybody that happens along +any time of the year, although she doesn't keep a regular restaurant. +That's the only place I know of anywhere near. Of course, down on the +bay there's the Marvin Harbor Hotel. You can get a pretty good meal +there." + +"Thank you very much," said Dicky, laying a dollar bill down on the +table near us. + +I had a sudden flash of understanding. Dicky meant all the time to +recompense the woman in this way for allowing us to see the house. But +the principle of the thing remained the same. Why could he not have +told her frankly that he wished to look at the house and given her the +dollar in the beginning? + +I did not ask the question, however, even after we had left the old +mansion and were walking down the road. I felt like adopting the old +motto and leaving well enough alone. + +I did not speak again until we had turned from the street down which +we were walking into a winding thoroughfare labelled "Shore Road." +Then a thought which had come to me during our walk demanded +utterance. + +"Dicky," I said quietly, "wasn't Gorman the name of the woman of whom +the station master told you, and didn't she live on Shore Road?" + +Dicky stopped short as if he had been struck. + +"Of course it was," he almost shouted. "What a ninny I was not to +remember it. She's the sister of that stunning girl we saw in the +train. Isn't this luck? I may be able to get that girl to pose for me +after all." + +But I did not echo his sentiments. Secretly I hoped the girl would not +be at her sister's home. + +"This surely must be the place, Dicky," I said as we rounded a sudden +turn on Shore Road and caught sight of a quaint structure that seemed +to belong to the 16th century rather than the 20th. + +Dicky whistled. "Well! What do you want to know about that?" he +demanded of the horizon in general, for the little brown house with +its balconies projecting from unexpected places and its lattice work +cunningly outlined against its walls was well worth looking at. But +our hunger soon drove us through the gate and up the steps. + +A comely Englishwoman of about 40 years answered Dicky's sounding of +the quaintly carved knocker. He lifted his hat with a curtly bow. + +"We were told at Putnam Manor that we might be able to get dinner +here," he began. "We came down from the city this morning expecting +that the inn would be open. But we found it closed and we are very +hungry. Would it be possible for you to accommodate us?" + +"I think we shall be able to give you a fairly good dinner," she said +with a simple directness that pleased me. "My husband went fishing +yesterday and I have some very good pan fish and some oysters. If you +are very hungry I can give you the oysters almost at once, and it will +not take very long to broil the fish. Then, if you care for anything +like that, we had an old-fashioned chicken pie for our own dinner. +There is plenty of it still hot if you wish to try it." + +"Madam," Dicky bowed again, "Chicken pie is our long suit, and we +are also very fond of oysters and fish. Just bring us everything +you happen to have in the house and I can assure you we will do full +justice to it." + +She smiled and went to the foot of the staircase, which had a mahogany +stair rail carved exquisitely. + +"Grace," she called melodiously. "There are two people here who will +take dinner. Will you show them into my room, so they can lay aside +their wraps?" + +Without waiting for an answer, she motioned us to the staircase. + +"My sister will take care of you," she said, and hurried out of +another door, which we realized must lead to the kitchen. + +Dicky and I looked at each other when she had left us. + +"The beautiful unknown," Dicky said in a stage whisper. "Try to get on +the good side of her, Madge. If I can get her to pose for that set +of outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants, me fortune's made, and hers, +too," he burlesqued. + +I nudged him to stop talking. I have a very quick ear, and I had heard +a light footstep in the hall above us. As we reached the top of the +stairs the girl of whom we were talking met us. + +I acknowledged unwillingly to myself that she was even more beautiful +than she had appeared on the train. She was gowned in a white linen +skirt and white "middy," with white tennis shoes and white stockings. +Her dress was most unsuitable for the winter day, although the +house was warm, but with another flash of remembrance of my own past +privations, I realized the reason for her attire. This costume could +be tubbed and ironed if it became soiled. It would stand a good deal +of water. Her other clothing must be kept in good condition for the +times when she must go outside of her home. + +But if she had known of Dicky's mission and gowned herself accordingly +she could not have succeeded better in satisfying his artistic eye. +He stared at her open-mouthed as she spoke a conventional word of +greeting and showed us into a bedroom hung with chintzes and bright +with the winter sunshine. + +She was as calm, as unconsciously regal, as she had been on the train. +I knew, however, that she was not as indifferent to Dicky's open +admiration as she appeared. The slightest heightening of the color in +her cheek, a quickly-veiled flash of her eyes in his direction--these +things I noticed in the short time she was in the room with us. + +Was Dicky too absorbed in his plan or his drawings to see what I had +seen? His words appeared to indicate that he was. + +"Gee!" He drew a long breath as we heard Miss Draper--the name I had +heard the 'bus driver give her--going down the stairs. "If I get a +chance to talk to her today I'm going to make her promise to save that +rig to pose in. She's the exact image of what I want. And graceful! +'Grace by name and grace by nature.' The old saw certainly holds good +in her case." + +I did not answer him. As I laid aside my furs and removed my hat and +coat I felt a distinct sinking of the heart. I knew it was foolish, +but the presence of this girl in whom Dicky displayed such interest +took all the pleasure out of the day's outing. + +"This is what I call eating," said Dicky as he helped himself to +a second portion of the steaming chicken pie which Mrs. Gorman had +placed before us. The oysters and the delicious broiled fish which +had formed the first two courses of our dinner had been removed by her +sister a few moments before. + +Dicky had not been so absorbed in his meal, however, as to miss any +graceful movement of Miss Draper's. The admiring glances which he gave +her as she served us with quick, deft motions were not lost upon me. +I knew that she was not oblivious of them either, although her manner +was perfect in its calm, indifferent courtesy. + +When it came time for dessert Mrs. Gorman bore the tray in on which it +was served, a cherry roly-poly, covered with a steaming sauce. + +"You're in luck," she said with a naive pride in her own culinary +ability, as she served the pudding. "I don't often make this pudding, +and my canned cherries from last summer are getting scarce. But my +sister came home unexpectedly this morning, and this pudding is one +of her favorites. So I made it for dinner. I thought perhaps it would +cheer her up." + +Miss Draper who entered at that moment with the coffee and a bit +of English cheese that looked particularly appetizing, appeared +distinctly annoyed at her sister's reference to her. Her cheeks +flushed, and her eyes flashed a warning glance at Mrs. Gorman. + +"I am sure this pudding would cheer anybody up," said Dicky genially, +attacking his. + +"It is delicious," I said, and, indeed, it was. "I have tasted nothing +like this since I was a child in the country." + +Mrs. Gorman beamed at the praise. She evidently was a hospitable soul. + +"Would you like the recipe for it?" she asked. + +"Indeed she would," Dicky struck in. "If you can teach Katie to make +this," he turned to me, "I'll stand treat to anything you wish." + +"What a rash promise," I smiled at Dicky, then turned to Mrs. Gorman. +"I should be very glad to have the recipe," I said. + +"Here," Dicky passed a pencil and the back of an envelope over the +table. + +So, while Mrs. Gorman dictated the recipe, I dutifully wrote it down. + +"Thank you so much, Mrs. Gorman," I said as I finished writing. + +"You are very welcome, I am sure," she said heartily. "You are +strangers here, aren't you? I've never seen you around here before." + +"This is my wife's first visit to this village," Dicky struck into +the conversation. I realized that he welcomed this opportunity of +beginning a conversation with Mrs. Gorman and her sister, so that he +might lead up to his request for Miss Draper's services as a model. + +"I have been in the village frequently," went on Dicky. "I used to +sketch a good deal along the brook to the north of the village." + +"Then you are an artist!" We heard Miss Draper's voice for the first +time since she had shown us to the room above. Then her tones had been +cool and indifferent. Now her exclamation was full of emotion of some +sort. + +"An artist!" echoed Mrs. Gorman, staring at Dicky as if he were the +President. + +There was a little strained silence, then Miss Draper picked up the +serving tray and hurried into the kitchen. Mrs. Gorman wiped her eyes +as she saw her sister's departure. + +"You mustn't think we're queer," she said at length. "But I suppose +your saying you are an artist brought all her trouble back to Grace, +poor girl." Mrs. Gorman's eyes threatened to overflow again. + +"If it wouldn't trouble you too much, tell us about it." Dicky's voice +was gentle, inviting. "Perhaps we could help you." + +"I don't think anybody can help." Mrs. Gorman shook her head sadly. +"You see, ever since Grace was a baby, almost, she has wanted to draw +things. I brought her up. I was the oldest and she the youngest of 12 +children, and our mother died soon after she was born. I was married +shortly afterward, and from the time she could hold a pencil in her +hand she has drawn pictures on everything she could lay her hands +on. In school she was always at the head of her class in drawing, but +there was no money to give her any lessons, so she didn't get very +far. Since she left school she has been planning every way to save +money enough to go to an art school, but something always hinders." + +Mrs. Gorman paused only to take breath. Having broken her reserve she +seemed unable to stop talking. + +"She went into a dressmaking shop as soon as she left school--I had +taught her to sew beautifully--thinking she could earn money enough +when she had learned her trade to have a term in an art school. But +her health broke down at the sewing, and I had her home here a year." + +I remembered the remarkable appearance of costly attire Miss Draper +had achieved when we saw her in the station. This, then, was the +solution. She had made them all herself. + +"Then she got another position--" + +Miss Draper came into the room in time to hear Mrs. Gorman's last +words. She walked swiftly to her sister's side, her eyes blazing. + +"Kate," she said, her voice low but tense with emotion. "Why are you +troubling these strangers with my affairs?" + +Before Mrs. Gorman could answer Dicky interposed. + +"Just a minute, please," he said authoritatively. "As it happens, Miss +Draper, I am in a position to make a proposition to you concerning +employment which will provide you with a comfortable income, and at +the same time enable you to pursue your studies." + +Mrs. Gorman uttered an ejaculation of joy, but Miss Draper said +nothing, only looked steadily at him. "This girl has had lessons in a +hard school," I said to myself. "She has learned to distrust men and +to doubt any proffered kindness." + +"I have been commissioned to do a set of illustrations," Dicky went +on, "in which the central figure is a young girl in the regulation +summer costume, such as you have on. I have been unable to find a +satisfactory model for the picture. If you will allow me to say so, +you are just the type I wish for the drawings. If you will pose for +them I will give you $50 and buy you a monthly commutation ticket from +Marvin, so that you will have no expense coming or going. There are +several artist friends of mine who have been looking for a model of +your type. I think you could safely count upon an income of $40 or $50 +a week after you get started. I know there are several other drawings +I have in mind in which I could use you." + +Mrs. Gorman had attempted to speak two or three times while Dicky was +explaining his proposition, but Miss Draper had silenced her with +a gesture. Now, however, she would not be denied. "A model!" she +shrilled excitedly. "You're not insulting my sister by asking her to +be a model, are you? Why, I'd rather see her dead than have her do +anything so shameful--" + +"Kate, keep quiet. You do not know what you are talking about." Miss +Draper's voice was low and calm, but it quieted her older sister +immediately. + +"I take it you do not mean--figure posing." She hesitated before the +word ever so slightly. + +"Oh, no, nothing of the kind," I hastened to reassure her. "It's the +ability to wear clothes well with a certain air, that he especially +wants." + +"And what do you mean by an opportunity to go on with my studies?" + +The girl was really superb as she faced Dicky. With the prospect of +more money than I knew she had ever had before, she yet could stand +and bargain for the thing which to her was far more than money. + +"Show me some of your drawings," Dicky spoke abruptly. + +She went swiftly upstairs, returning in a moment with two large +portfolios. These she spread out before Dicky on the table, and he +examined the drawings very carefully. + +I felt very much alone; out of it. For all Dicky noticed, I might not +have been there. + +"Not bad at all," was Dicky's verdict. "Indeed, some of them are +distinctly good. Now I'll tell you what I will do," he said, turning +to Miss Draper. "Until you find out what time you can give to an art +school, I will give you what little help I can in your work. If you +can be quiet, and I think you can, you may work in my studio at odd +times, when you are not posing. What do you think of it?" + +"Think of it?" Miss Draper drew a long breath. "I accept your offer +gladly. When shall I begin?" + +"I will drop you a postal, notifying you a day or two ahead of time," +he returned. + +We went out of the house and down the path to the gate before Dicky +spoke. + +"That was awfully decent of you, Madge, to square things with Mrs. +Gorman like that. I appreciate it, I assure you." + +"It was nothing," I said dispiritedly. I felt suddenly tired and old. +"But I wish you would do something for me, Dicky." + +"Name it, and it is yours," Dicky spoke grandiloquently. + +"Take me home. We can see the harbor another time. I really feel too +tired to do any more today." + +Dicky opened his mouth, evidently to remind me that my fatigue was of +sudden development, but closed it again, and turned in silence toward +the railroad station. + +We had a silent journey back. Neither Dicky nor I spoke, except to +exchange the veriest commonplaces. We reached home about 5 o'clock to +Katie's surprise. + +"I'll hurry, get dinner," she said, evidently much flurried. + +"We're not very hungry, Katie," I said. "Some cold meat and bread +and butter, those little potato cakes you make so nicely, some sliced +bananas for Mr. Graham and some coffee--that will be sufficient." + +For my own part I felt that I never wished to see or hear of food +again. The silent journey home, added to the events of the day, had +brought on one of my ugly morbid moods. + + + + +XI + +"I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + +"Bad news, Dicky?" + +We were seated at the breakfast table, Dicky and I, the morning after +our trip to Marvin, from which I had returned weary of body and sick +of mind. Tacitly we had avoided all discussion of Grace Draper, the +beautiful girl Dicky had discovered there and engaged as a model for +his drawings, promising to help her with her art studies. But because +of my feeling toward Dicky's plans breakfast had been a formal affair. + +Then had come a special delivery letter for Dicky. He had read it +twice, and was turning back for a third perusal when my query made him +raise his eyes. + +"In a way, yes," he said slowly. Then after a pause. "Read it." He +held out the letter. + +It was postmarked Detroit. The writing reminded me of my mother; it +was the hand of a woman of the older generation. + +I, too, read the letter twice before making any comment upon it. I +wondered if Dicky's second reading had been for the same purpose as +mine--to gain time to think. + +I was stunned by the letter. I had never contemplated the possibility +of Dicky's mother living with us, and here she was calmly inviting +herself to make her home with us. For years she had made her home with +her childless daughter and namesake, Harriet, whose husband was one of +the most brilliant surgeons of the middle West. + +I knew that Dicky's mother and sister had spoiled him terribly when +they all had a home together before Dicky's father died. The first +thought that came to me was that Dicky's whims alone were hard enough +to humor, but when I had both him and his mother to consider our home +life would hardly be worth the living. + +I knew and resented also the fact that Dicky's mother and sisters +disapproved of his marriage to me. In one of Dicky's careless +confidences I had gleaned that his mother's choice for him had been +made long ago, and that he had disappointed her by not marrying a +friend of his sister. + +I felt as if I were in a trap. To have to live and treat with +daughterly deference a woman who I knew so disliked me that she +refused to attend her son's wedding was unthinkable. + +"Well!" + +In Dicky's voice was a note of doubt as he held out his hand for his +mother's letter. I knew that he was anxiously awaiting my decision as +to the proposition it contained, and I hastened to reassure him. + +"Of course there is but one thing to be done," I said, trying hard to +make my tone cordial. + +"And that is?" Dicky looked at me curiously. Was it possible that he +did not understand my meaning? + +"Why, you must wire her at once to come to us. Be sure you tell her +that she will be most welcome." + +I felt a trifle ashamed that the welcoming words were such a sham from +my lips. Dicky's mother was distinctly not welcome as far as I was +concerned. But my thoughts flew swiftly back to my own little mother, +gone forever from me. Suppose she were the one who needed a home? How +would I like to have Dicky's secret thoughts about her welcome the +same as mine were now? + +"That's awfully good of you, Madge." Dicky's voice brought me back +from my reverie. "Of course I know you are not particularly keen about +her coming. That wouldn't be natural, but it's bully of you to pretend +just the same." + +I opened my mouth to protest, and then thought better of it. There was +no use trying to deceive Dicky. If he was satisfied with my attitude +toward his mother, that was all that was necessary. + +I poured myself another cup of coffee, when Dicky had gone to the +studio, drank it mechanically, and touched the bell for Katie to clear +away the breakfast things. + +I did not try to disguise to myself the fact that I was extremely +miserable. The day at Marvin, on which I had so counted, had been a +disappointment to me on account of the attention Dicky had paid to +Miss Draper. I reflected bitterly that I might just as well have +spent the afternoon with Mrs. Smith of the Lotus Club, discussing the +history course which she wished me to undertake for the club. + +The thought of Mrs. Smith reminded me of the promise I had made her +when leaving for Marvin that I would call her up on my return and tell +her when I could meet her. I resolved to telephone her at once. + +I felt a thrill of purely feminine triumph as I turned away from the +telephone. I knew that Mrs. Smith would have declined to see me if she +had consulted only her inclinations. That she still wished me to take +up the leadership of the study course gratified me exceedingly, and +made me thank my stars for the long years of study and teaching which +had given me something of a reputation in the work which the Lotus +Club wished me to undertake. + +But when we met at a little luncheon room, Mrs. Smith and I managed to +get through the preliminaries pleasantly. + +"Now as to compensation," she said briskly. "I am authorized to offer +you $20 per lecture. I know that it is not what you might get from an +older or richer club, but it is all we can offer." + +I was silent for a moment. I did not wish her to know how delighted I +was with the amount of money offered. + +"I think that will be satisfactory for this season, at least," I said +at last. + +"Very well, then. The first meeting, of course, will be merely an +introduction and an outlining of your plan of study, so I will not +need to trouble you again. If you will be at the clubrooms at half +after one the first day, I will meet you, and see that you get started +all right. Here comes our luncheon. Now I can eat in peace." + +Her whole manner said: "Now I am through with you." + +But I felt that I cared as little for her opinion of me as she +evidently did of mine for her. + +Twenty dollars a week was worth a little sacrifice. + +Lillian Underwood's raucous voice came to my ears as I rang the bell +of my little apartment. It stopped suddenly at the sound of the bell. +Dicky opened the door and Mrs. Underwood greeted me boisterously. + +"I came over to ask you to eat dinner with us Sunday," she said. "Then +we'll think up something to do in the afternoon and evening. We always +dine Sunday at 2 o'clock, a concession to that cook of mine. I'll +never get another like her, and if she only knew it I would have +Sunday dinner at 10 o'clock in the morning rather than lose her. I do +hope you can come." + +"There's nothing in the world to hinder as far as I know," said Dicky. + +"I am so sorry," I turned to Lillian as I spoke. My dismay was +genuine, for I knew how Dicky would view my answer. "But I could not +possibly come on Sunday. I have a dinner engagement for that day which +I cannot break." + +"A dinner engagement!" Dicky ejaculated at last. "Why, Madge, you must +be mistaken. We haven't any dinner engagement for that day." + +"You haven't any," I tried to speak as calmly as I could. "There is no +reason why you cannot accept Mrs. Underwood's invitation if you wish. +But do you remember the letter I received a week ago saying an old +friend of mine whom I had not seen for a year would reach the city +next Sunday and wished an engagement for dinner? There is no way in +which I can postpone or get out of the engagement, for there is no way +I can reach my friend before Sunday." + +I had purposely avoided using the words "he" or "him," hoping that +Dicky would not say anything to betray the identity of the "friend" +who was returning from the wilds. But I reckoned without Dicky. +Either he was so angry that he recklessly disregarded Mrs. Underwood's +presence or else his friendship with her was so close that it did not +matter to him whether or not she knew of our differences. + +"Oh, the gorilla with the mumps!" Dicky gave the short, scornful, +little laugh which I had learned to dread as one of the preliminaries +of a scene. "I had forgotten all about him. And so he really arrives +on Sunday, and you expect to welcome him. How very touching!" + +Dicky was fast working himself into a rage. Lillian Gale evidently +knew the signs as well as I did, for she hurriedly began to fasten her +cloak, which she had opened on account of the heat of the room. + +"I really must be going," she murmured, starting for the door, but +Dicky adroitly slipped between it and her. + +"Talk about your romance, Lil," he sneered, "what do you think about +this one for a best seller?" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I gasped, my cheeks scarlet with humiliation at this +scene before Mrs. Underwood, of all people. But Dicky paid no more +attention to me than if I had been the chair in which I was sitting. + +"Beautiful highbrow heroine," he went on, "has tearful parting with +gallant hero more noted for his size than his beauty. He's gone a +whole year. Heroine forgets him, marries another man. Now he +comes back, heroine has to meet him and break the news that she is +another's. Isn't it romantic?" + +Lillian looked at him steadily for a moment, as if she were debating +some course of action. Then she suddenly squared her shoulders, +and, advancing toward him, took him by the shoulders and shook him +slightly. + +"Look here, my Dicky-bird," she said, and her tones were like icicles. +"I didn't want to listen to this, and I beg your wife's pardon for +being here, but now that you've compelled me to listen to you, you're +going to hear me for a little while." + +Dicky looked at her open-mouthed, exactly like a small boy being +reproved by his mother. + +"You're getting to be about the limit with this temper of yours," she +began. "Of course I know you were as spoiled a lad as anybody could +be, but that's no reason now that you are a man why you should kick +up a rumpus any time something doesn't go just to suit your royal +highness." + +"See here, Lil!" Dicky began to speak wrathfully. + +"Shut up till I'm through talking," she admonished him roughly. + +If I had not been so angry and humiliated I could have laughed aloud +at the promptness with which Dicky closed his mouth. + +"You never gave me or the boys a taste of your rages simply because +you knew we wouldn't stand for them. I'll wager you anything you like +that Mrs. Graham never knew of your temper until after you had married +her. But now that you're safely married you think you can say anything +you like. Men are all like that." + +She spoke wearily, contemptuously, as if a sudden disagreeable memory +had come to her. She dropped her hands from his shoulders. + +"Of course, I've no right to butt in like this," she said, as if +recalled to herself. "I beg pardon of both of you. Good-by," and she +dashed for the door. + +But Dicky, with one of his quick changes from wrath to remorse, was +before her. + +"No you don't, my dear," he said, grasping her arm. "You know I +couldn't get angry with you no matter what you said. I owe you too +much. I know I have a beast of a temper, but you know, too, I'm over +it just as quickly. Look here." + +He flopped down on his knees in an exaggerated pose of humility, and +put up his hands first to me and then to Lillian. + +"See. I beg Madge's pardon. I beg Lillian's pardon, everybody's +pardon. Please don't kick me when I'm down." + +Lillian's face relaxed. She laughed indulgently. + +"Oh, I'll forgive you, but I imagine it will take more than that +to make your peace with your wife! It would if you were my husband. +'Phone me about Sunday. Perhaps Mrs. Graham can come over after dinner +and meet you there. Good-by." + +She hurried out to the door, this time without Dicky's stopping her. +Dicky came toward me. + +"If I say I am very, very sorry, Madge?" he said, smiling +apologetically at me. + +"Of course it's all right, Dicky," I forced myself to say. + +Curiously enough, after all, my resentment was more against Lillian +than against Dicky. Probably she meant well, but how dared she talk +to my husband as if he were her personal property, and what was it he +"owed her" that made him take such a raking over at her hands? + + + + +XII + +LOST AND FOUND + + +"Margaret!" + +"Jack!" + +It was, after all, a simple thing, this meeting with my cousin-brother +that I had so dreaded. Save for the fact that he took both my hands in +his, any observer of our meeting would have thought that it was but a +casual one, instead of being a reunion after a separation of a year. + +But this meeting upset me strangely. I seemed to have stepped back +years in my life. My marriage to Dicky, my life with him, my love for +him, seemed in some curious way to belong to some other woman, even +the permission to meet him in this way, which I had wrested from +Dicky, seemed a need of another. I was again Margaret Spencer, going +with my best friend to the restaurant where we had so often dined +together. + +And yet in some way I felt that things were not the same as they used +to be. Jack was the same kindly brother I had always known, and yet +there seemed in his manner a tinge of something different. I did not +know what. I only knew that I felt very nervous and unstrung. + +As I sank into the padded seat and began to remove my gloves I was +confronted by a new problem. + +My wedding ring, guarded by my engagement solitaire, was upon the +third finger of my left hand. Jack would be sure to see them if I kept +them on. + +I told myself fiercely that I did not wish Jack to know I was married +until after we had had this dinner together. With my experience of +Dicky's jealousy I had not much hope that Jack and I would ever dine +together in this fashion again. + +On the other hand, I had a strong aversion to removing my wedding ring +even for an hour or two. Besides being a silent falsehood, the act +would seem almost an omen of evil. I am not generally superstitious, +but something made me dread doing it. + +However, I had to choose quickly. I must either take off the rings or +tell Jack at once that I was married. I was not brave enough to do the +latter. + +Taking my silver mesh bag from my muff, I opened it under the table, +and, quickly stripping off my gloves, removed my rings, tucked them +into a corner of the bag and put gloves and bag back in my muff. Jack, +man-like, had noticed nothing. + +Now to keep the conversation in my own hands, so that Jack should +suspect nothing until we had dined. + +The waiter stood at attention with pencil pointed over his order card. +Jack was studying the menu card, and I was studying Jack. + +It was the first chance I had had to take a good look at this +cousin-brother of mine after his year's absence. Every time I had +attempted it I had met his eyes fixed upon me with an inscrutable look +that puzzled and embarrassed me. Now, however, he was occupied with +the menu card, and I stared openly at him. + +He had changed very little, I told myself. Of course he was terribly +browned by his year in the tropics, but otherwise he was the same +handsome, well-set-up chap I remembered so well. + +I knew Jack's favorite dish, fortunately. If he could sit down in +front of just the right kind of steak, thick, juicy, broiled just +right, he was happy. + +"How about a steak?" I inquired demurely. "I haven't had a good one in +ages." + +"I'm sure you're saying that to please me," Jack protested, "but I +haven't the heart to say so. You can imagine the food I've lived on in +South America. But you must order the rest of the meal." + +"Surely I will," I said, for I knew the things he liked. "Baked +potatoes, new asparagus, buttered beets, romaine salad, and we'll talk +about the dessert later." + +The waiter bowed and hurried away. "You're either clairvoyant, +Margaret or--" + +"Perhaps I, too, have a memory," I returned gayly, and then regretted +the speech as I saw the look that leaped into Jack's eyes. + +"I wish I was sure," he began impetuously, then he checked himself. "I +wonder whether we are too early for any music?" he finished lamely. + +"I am afraid so," I said. + +"It doesn't matter anyway. We want to talk, not to listen. I've got +something to tell you, my dear, that I've been thinking about all this +year I've been gone." + +I did not realize the impulse that made me stretch out my hand, lay it +upon his, and ask gently: + +"Please, Jack, don't tell me anything important until after dinner. I +feel rather upset anyway. Let's have one of our care-free dinners and +when we've finished we can talk." + +Jack gave me a long curious look under which I flushed hot. Then he +said brusquely, "All right, the weather and the price of flour, those +are good safe subjects, we'll stick to them." + +The dinner was perfect in every detail. Jack ate heartily, and +although I was too unstrung to eat much I managed to get enough down +to deceive him into thinking I was enjoying the meal also. + +The coffee and cheese dispatched, I leaned back and smiled at Jack. +"Now light your cigar," I commanded. + +"Not yet. We're going to talk a bit first, you and I." + +I felt that same little absurd thrill of apprehension. Jack was +changed in some way. I could not tell just now. He took my fingers in +his big, strong hand. + +"Look at me, Margaret." + +Jack's voice was low and tense. It held a masterful note I had never +heard. Without realizing that I did so, I obeyed him, and lifted my +eyes to his. + +What I read in them made me tremble. This was a new Jack facing +me across the table. The cousin-brother, my best friend since my +childhood, was gone. + +I did not admit to myself why, but I wished, oh! so earnestly, that +I had told Jack over the telephone of my marriage during his year's +absence in the South American wilderness, where he could neither send +nor receive letters. + +I must not wait another minute, I told myself. + +"Jack," I said brokenly, "there is something I want to tell you--I'm +afraid you will be angry, but please don't be, big brother, will you?" + +"There is something I'm going to tell you first," Jack smiled tenderly +at me, "and that is that this big brother stuff is done for, as far +as I'm concerned. In fact, I've been just faking the role for two or +three years back, because I knew you didn't care the way I wanted you +to. But this year out in the wilderness has made me realize just what +life would be to me without you. I've been kicking myself all over +South America that I didn't try to make you care. I've just about gone +through Gehenna, too, thinking you might fall in love with somebody +while I was gone. But I saw you didn't wear anybody's ring anyway, so +I said to myself, 'I'm not going to wait another minute to tell her I +love her, love her, love her.'" + +Jack's voice, pitched to a low key anyway, so that no one should be +able to hear what he was saying, sank almost to a whisper with the +last words. + +I sat stunned, helpless, grief-stricken. + +To think that I should be the one to bring sorrow to Jack, the +gentlest, kindest friend I had ever known! + +"Oh, Jack, don't!" I moaned, and then, to my horror, I began to cry. +I could not control my sobs, although I covered my face with my +handkerchief. + +"There, there, sweetheart, I'll have you out of this in a jiffy," Jack +was at my side, helping me to rise, getting me into my coat, shielding +me from the curious gaze of the other diners. + +"Here!" He threw a bill toward the waiter. "Pay my bill out of that, +get us a taxi quick, and keep the change. Hurry." + +"Yes, sir--thank you, sir." The waiter dashed ahead of us. As we +emerged from the door he was standing proudly by the open door of a +taxi. + +"Where to, sir?" The chauffeur touched his cap. + +"Anywhere. Central Park." Jack helped me in, sat down beside me, the +door slammed and the taxi rolled away. + +The only other time in my life Jack had seen me cry was when my mother +died. Then I had wept my grief out on his shoulder secure in the +knowledge of his brotherly love. As the taxi started, he slipped his +arm around me. + +"Whatever it is, dear, cry it out in my arms," he whispered. + +But at his touch I shuddered, and drew myself away. I was Dicky's +wife. This situation was intolerable. I must end it at once. With a +mighty effort, I controlled my sobs and, wiping my eyes, sat upright. + +"Dear, dear boy," I said. "Please forgive me. I never thought of this +or I would have told you over the telephone." + +"Told me what?" Jack's voice was harsh and quick. His arm dropped from +my wrist. + +There was no use wasting words in the telling. I took courage in both +hands. + +"I am married, Jack," I said faintly. "I have been married over a +month." + +"God!" The expletive seemed forced from his lips. I heard the name +uttered that way once before, when a man I knew had been told of his +child's death in an automobile accident. It made me realize as nothing +else could what Jack must be suffering. + +But he gave no other sign of having heard my words, simply sat erect, +with folded arms, gazing sternly into vacancy, while the taxi rolled +up Fifth avenue. + +Huddled miserably in my corner, I waited for him to speak. I had +summoned courage to tell him the truth, but I could not have spoken +to him again while his face held that frozen look. It frightened and +fascinated me at the same time. + +A queer little wonder crossed my mind. Suppose I had known of this a +year ago. Would I have married Jack, and never known Dicky? Would I +have been happier so? + +Then there rushed over me the realization that nothing in the +world mattered but Dicky. I wanted him, oh how I wanted him! Jack's +suffering, everything else, were but shadows. My love for my husband, +my need of him--these were the only real things. + +I turned to Jack wildly. + +"Oh, Jack, I must go home!" + +"Margaret." Jack's voice was so different from his usual one that I +started almost in fear. + +"Yes, Jack." + +"I don't want you to reproach yourself about this. I understand, dear. +The right man came along, and of course you couldn't wait for me to +come back to give my sanction." + +"Oh! Jack! I ought to have waited: I know it. You have been so good to +me" + +"I've been good to myself, being with you," he returned tenderly. "But +I almost wish you had told me over the telephone. You would never have +known how I felt, and it would have been better all around" + +He bent toward me, and crushed both my hands in his, looking into my +face with a gaze that was in itself a caress. + +"Now you must go home, little girl, back to--your--husband." The +words came slowly. + +"When shall I see you again, Jack?" I knew the answer even before it +came. + +"When you need me, dear girl, if you ever do," he replied. "I can't +be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever he may +be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But, wherever I am, a +note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, and, if +the impossible should happen and your husband ever fail you, remember, +Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +My tears were falling fast now. Jack laid his hand upon my shoulder. + +"Come, Margaret, you must control yourself," he said in his old +brotherly voice. "I want you to tell me your new name and address. I'm +never going to lose track of you, remember that. You won't see me, but +your big brother will be on the job just the same." + +I told him, and he wrote it carefully down in his note-book. Then he +looked at me fixedly. + +"You would better put your engagement and wedding rings back on," he +said. "Of course I realize now that you must have taken them off when +you removed your gloves in the restaurant, with the thought that you +did not want to spoil my dinner by telling me of your marriage. But +you must have them on when you meet your husband, you know." + +How like Jack, putting aside his own suffering to be sure of my +welfare. I put my hand in my muff, drew out my mesh bag and opened it. + +"Jack!" I gasped, horror-stricken, "my rings are gone!" + +"Impossible!" His face was white. He snatched my mesh bag from my +grasp. "Where did you put them? In here?" + +Jack turned the mesh bag inside out. A handkerchief, a small coin +purse, two or three bills of small denominations, an envelope with a +tiny powder puff--these were all. + +"Are you sure you put them in here?" + +"Yes." I could hardly articulate the word, I was so frightened. + +"Have you opened your bag since?" + +I thought a moment. Had I? Then a rush of remembrance came to me. + +"I took out a handkerchief when I cried in the restaurant." + +"You must have drawn them out then, and either dropped them there, +or they may have been caught in the handkerchief and dropped in the +taxi." We searched without success and Jack's face darkened as he +ordered the chauffeur to speed back to Broquin's. "We must hurry, +dear. This is awful. If you have lost those rings, your husband will +have a right to be angry." + +Neither of us spoke again until the taxi drew up in front of the +restaurant. Then Jack said almost curtly: + +"Wait here. I don't think it will be necessary for you to go inside, +and it might be embarrassing for you." + +He fairly ran up the steps and disappeared inside the door. + +So anxious was I to know what would be the result of his inquiry that +I leaned far forward in the machine, watching the door of Broquin's +for Jack's return. + +I did not realize my imprudence in doing this until I heard my name +called jovially. + +"Well! well, Mrs. Graham, I suppose you are on your way to our shack. +Won't you give me the pleasure of riding with you?" + +Hat in hand, black eyes dancing in malicious glee, I saw standing +before me, Harry Underwood, of all people! + +At that instant Jack came rushing out of the restaurant and up to the +taxi. + +"It's no use, Margaret. They can't find them anywhere." + +"Jack, I want you to meet Mr. Underwood, a friend of my husband's," I +said hastily, hoping to save the situation. "Mr. Underwood, my cousin, +Mr. Bickett." + +The two men shook hands perfunctorily. + +"Glad to meet you, Mr. Bickett," Harry Underwood said, in his effusive +manner. "Have you lost anything valuable? Can I help in any way?" + +"Nothing of any consequence," I interrupted desperately. + +"Oh, yes, I see, nothing of any consequence," he replied meaningly. +His eyes were fixed upon my ungloved left hand, which showed only too +plainly the absence of my rings. + +"But don't worry," he continued. "Your Uncle Dudley is first cousin to +an oyster. Wish you luck. So long," and lifting his hat he strolled on +up the avenue. + +Jack was consulting his note-book. I heard him give the address of my +apartment to the driver. "Drive slowly," he added. + +"Who was that man?" he demanded sternly. "He is no one you ought to +know." + +"I know, Jack," I said faintly. "I dislike him, I even dread him, but +he and his wife are old friends of Dicky's and I cannot avoid meeting +him." + +"He will make trouble for you some day," Jack returned. "I don't like +him, but there is nothing I can do to help you. I've messed things +enough now." + +"What shall I do, Jack?" I wailed. All my vaunted self-reliance was +gone. I felt like the most helpless perfect clinging vine in the +world. + +"We're going straight to your home to see your husband," he said. +"You will introduce me to him and then leave us. I shall explain +everything to him." + +"Oh, Jack," I said terrified, "he has such an uncertain temper, and, +besides, he isn't at home. He was to take dinner at the Underwoods at +2 o'clock." + +"Well, we must go there, then," returned Jack. "Put on your gloves, +then the absence of the rings won't be noticed until I have a chance +to explain about them." + +I picked up the gloves and unfolded them. Something glittering rolled +out of them and dropped into my lap. + +"Oh, Jack, my rings!" I fairly shrieked. Then for the first time in +my life I became hysterical, laughing and sobbing uncontrollably. + + * * * * * + +That night I told Dicky the whole story--not one word did I keep back +from him--and when I came to the loss of my rings and the meeting with +Harry Underwood, there developed a scene that I cannot even now bring +myself to put down on paper. But at last Dicky managed to control +himself enough to ask what I had told Harry Underwood. + +"I told him that my rings had not been lost, that my gloves were too +tight and that I had removed them to put on my gloves." + +"Good!" Dicky's voice held a note of relenting. "That's one thing +saved, any way. Wonder your conscience would let you tell that much of +a lie." + +His sneer aroused me. I had been speaking in a dreary monotone which +typified my feeling. Now I faced him, indignant. + +"See here, Dicky Graham, don't you imagine it would have been easier +for me to lie about all this? I didn't need to tell you anything. +Another thing I want you to understand plainly and that is my reason +for not telling Jack at first that I was married. + +"If I had had a real brother, you would have thought it perfectly +natural for me to have waited for his return before I married. Now, +no brother in the world could have been kinder to me than was Jack +Bickett. We were indebted to him for a thousand kindnesses, for +a lifetime of devotion. I never should have married without first +telling him about it. Do you wonder that realizing this I delayed +in every way the story of my marriage until I could find a suitable +opportunity? I give you my word of honor that I did not dream he +cared, and I expect you to believe me." + +I walked steadily toward the door of my bedroom. I had not reached +it, however, before Dicky clasped me in his arms, and I felt his hot +kisses on my face. + +"I'm seventeen kinds of a jealous brute, I know, sweetheart," he +whispered, "but the thought of that other man, who seems to mean so +much to you, drives me mad. I'm selfish, I know, but I'm mad about +you." + +I put my arms around his neck. "Don't you know, foolish Dicky," I +murmured, "that there's nobody else in the world for me but just you, +you, you?" + + + + +XIII + +"IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + +Today my mother-in-law! + +That was my thought when I awoke on the morning of the day which was +to bring Dicky's mother to live with us. + +I am afraid if I set down my exact thoughts I should have to admit +that I had a distinct feeling of rebellion against the expected visit +of Dicky's mother. + +If it were only a visit! There was just the trouble. Then I could have +welcomed my mother-in-law, entertained her royally, kept at top pitch +all the time she was with us, guarded every word and action, and kept +from her knowledge the fact that Dicky and I often quarrelled. + +But Dicky's mother, as far as I could see, was to be a member of our +household for the rest of her life. She herself had arranged it in a +letter, the calm phrases of which still irritated me, as I recalled +them. She had taken me so absolutely for granted, as though my opinion +amounted to nothing, and only her wishes and those of her son counted. + +But suddenly my cheeks flamed with shame. After all, this woman who +was coming was my husband's mother, an old woman, frail, almost an +invalid. I made up my mind to put away from me all the disagreeable +features of her advent into my home, and to busy myself with plans for +her comfort and happiness. + +I hurried through my breakfast, for I wanted plenty of time for the +last preparations before Dicky's mother should arrive. Dicky had gone +to his studio for a while and then would go over to the station in +time to meet her train, which was due at 11:30. + +As I started to my room I heard the peal of the doorbell. + +"I will answer it, Katie," I called back, and went quickly to the +entrance. A special delivery postman stood there holding out a letter +to me. As I signed his slip, I saw that the handwriting upon the +letter was Jack's. + +What could have happened? I dreaded inexpressibly some calamity. + +Only something of the utmost importance, I knew, could have induced +my brother-cousin to write to me. He was too careful of my welfare +to excite Dicky's unreasoning jealousy by a letter, unless there was +desperate need for it. + +Finally, I sat down in an arm-chair by the window, and breaking the +seal, drew out the letter. + + "Dear Cousin Margaret: + + "I have decided, suddenly, to go across the pond and get in the big + mix-up. You perhaps remember that I have spoken to you frequently + of my friend, Paul Caillard who has been with me in many a bit of + ticklish work. He was with me in South America, and like me, heard of + the war for the first time when he got out of the wilderness. He is + a Frenchman, you know, and is going back to offer his services to the + engineering corps." + + "And I am going with him, Margaret. I think I can be of service over + there. Paul Caillard is the best friend I have. As you know you are + the only relative I have in the world, and you are happily and safely + married, so I feel that I am harming no one by my decision. + + "We sail tomorrow morning on the Saturn. It will be impossible for + me to come to your home before then. So this is good-by. When I come + back, if I come back, I want to meet your husband and see you in your + home. + + "And now I must speak of a little matter of which you are ignorant, + but of which you must be told before I go. Before your mother died, I + had made my will, leaving her everything I possessed, for you and she + were all the family I had ever known. After her death I changed her + name to yours. If anything should happen to me, my attorney, William + Faye, 149 Broadway, will attend to everything for you. He is also my + executor. + + "Most of what I have, would have come to you by law, anyway, Margaret, + for you are 'my nearest of kin'--isn't that the way the law puts it? + But you might have some unpleasantness from those Pennsylvania cousins + of ours, so I have protected you against such a contingency. + + "And now, Margaret, good-by and God bless you. + + "Your affectionate cousin, Jack." + +I finished the letter with a numb feeling at my heart. It seemed to me +as if one of the foundations of my life had given away. + +When Jack had left me after that miserable reunion dinner where he +had been hurt so cruelly by the news of my marriage during his year's +absence, he had said--ah, how well I remembered the words--"I shall +not see you again, dear girl, unless you need me, if you ever do. I +can't be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever +he may be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But wherever I +am, a note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, +and if the impossible should happen, and your husband, ever fail you, +remember Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +I had not expected to see Jack for months, perhaps years, but the +knowledge of his faithfulness, of his nearness, had been of much +comfort to me. And now he was going away, probably to his death. + +The most bitter knowledge of all, was that which forced itself upon +my mind. Jack was going to the war because he was unhappy over my +marriage. He had not said so, of course, in the letter which he knew +my husband must read, but I knew it. The remembrance of his face, +his voice, when I told him of my marriage was enough. I did not need +written words to know that perhaps I was sending him to his death! + +I glanced at the clock--11:15. Only three-quarters of an hour till +the train which was bringing my mother-in-law to our home was due! She +would be in the house within three-quarters of an hour! Would I have +time to dress, go after the flowers and cream we needed for luncheon +and be back in time to welcome her? + +Common sense whispered to omit the flowers, and send Katie for the +cream. But one of my faults or virtues--I never have been able to +decide which--is the persistence with which I stick to a plan, once +I have decided upon it. I made up my mind to take a chance on getting +back in time. + +I made my purchases and on my way back I stepped into the corner drug +store and telephoned Jack. He would not hear of my seeing him sail, +and he would not promise to write me. Then there was a long silence. I +wondered what he was debating with himself. + +"I am going to let you in on a little secret," he said at last. "I +have provided myself with the means of knowing how you fare, and I +suppose I ought to let you have the same privilege. You know Mrs. +Stewart, who keeps the boarding house where you and your mother lived +so many years?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"Well, she and I are going to correspond. Now, understand, Margaret, +I am going to send no messages to you. I want none from you. Remember, +you are married. Your husband objects to your friendship with me. I +will do nothing underhand. But if anything happens to you I shall know +it through Mrs. Stewart, and she will always know where I am and what +I am doing." + +"That is some comfort," I returned earnestly. "What time does the +Saturn sail tomorrow?" + +"At 10 o'clock. But, Madge, you must not come." + +"I know," I returned meekly enough, although a daring plan was just +beginning to creep into my brain. "And I will say good-by now, Jack. +Good-by, dear boy, and good luck." + +My voice was trembling, and there was a tremor in the deep voice that +answered. + +"Good-by, dear little girl. God bless and keep you." The next moment I +was stumbling out of the booth with just one thought, to get home +and bathe my eyes and pull myself together before the arrival of my +mother-in-law. + +I was just outside the drug store, and had realized that I'd left +my purchases in the telephone booth, when I heard my name called +excitedly. + +From the window of a taxicab Dicky was gesturing wildly, while beside +him a stately woman sat with a bored look upon her face. + +My mother-in-law had arrived! + +"Madge! What under the heavens is the matter?" + +Dicky sprang out of the taxicab, which had drawn up before the door of +the drug store, and seized my arm. + +"Nothing is the matter," I said shortly. "I went out to get some cream +for Katie's pudding and some flowers. I stopped here in the drug store +to get some of my headache tablets, and left the flowers and cream. +Some dust blew in my eyes. I suppose that's what makes you think I +have been crying." + +"That's you, all over," Dicky grumbled. "Risk not being at home to +greet mother in order to have a few flowers stuck around. Here, come +on and meet mother, and I'll go in and get your flowers." He took my +arm and made a step toward the taxicab. + +"No, no," I said hastily. "I know exactly where I left them. I won't +be a minute." + +Luckily the flowers and cream were where I had left them. I detest the +idea of arranging any part of one's toilet in public, but I did not +want the critical eyes of Dicky's mother to see my reddened eyes, and +roughened hair, which had been slightly loosened in my hurry. + +There was a mirror near the telephone booth at the back of the store. +I took off my fur cap, smoothed back my hair and put on the cap again. +From my purse I took a tiny powder puff and removed the traces of +tears. Then I fairly snatched my parcels and hurried to the door. +Dicky was just entering the store as I reached it. His face was black. +I saw that he was in one of his rages. + +"Look here, Madge," he said, and he made no pretense of lowering his +voice, "do you think my mother enjoys sitting there in that taxicab +waiting for you? She was so fatigued by her journey that she didn't +even want to have her baggage looked after, something unusual for her. +That is the reason we got here so early. And now she is positively +faint for a cup of tea, and you are fiddling around here over a lot of +flowers." + +If he had made no reference to his mother's faintness, I should have +answered him spiritedly. But I remembered my own little mother, and +her longing when fatigued for a cup of hot tea. + +"I'm awfully sorry, Dicky," I said meekly. "You see you arrived before +I thought you would. I'll get the tea for her the moment we reach the +house." + +But Dicky was not mollified. He stalked moodily ahead of me until +he reached the open door of the taxicab. Then his manner underwent a +sudden change. One would have thought him the most devoted of husbands +to see him draw me forward. + +"Mother," he said, and my heart glowed even in its resentment at the +note of pride in his voice, "this is my wife. Madge, my mother." + +Mrs. Graham was leaning back against the cushions of the taxicab. If +she had not looked so white and ill I should have resented the look of +displeasure that rested upon her features. + +"How do you do?" she said coldly. "You must pardon me, I am afraid, for +not saying the usual things. I have been very much upset." + +The studied insolence of the apology was infinitely worse than the +coldness of her manner. I waited for a moment to control myself before +answering her. + +"I am afraid that you are really ill," I said as cordially as I could. +"I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, but I did not expect you +quite so soon, and I had some errands." + +"It doesn't matter," she said indifferently. Her manner put me aside +from her consideration as if I had been a child or a servant. She +turned to Dicky. + +"Are we almost there, dear?" + +The warmth of her tones to him, the love displayed in every +inflection, set out in more bitter contrast the coldness with which +she was treating me. + +"Right here now," as the taxi drew up to the door of the apartment +house. There was a peculiar inflection in Dicky's voice. I stole a +glance at him. He was gazing at his mother with a puzzled look. I +fancied I saw also a trace of displeasure. But it vanished in another +minute as he sprang to the ground, paid the driver and helped his +mother and me out. + +She leaned heavily on his arm as we went up the stairs to the third +floor upon which our apartment was. + +At the door, Katie, who evidently had heard the taxicab, stood smiling +broadly. + +"This is Katie, mother," Dicky said kindly. "She will help take care +of you." + +"How do you do, Katie?" The words were the same, but the tones were +much kinder than her greeting to me. + +Dicky assisted her into the living room. She sank into the armchair, +and Dicky took off her hat and loosened her cloak. She leaned her head +against the back of the chair, and her face looked so drawn and white +that I felt alarmed. + +"Katie, prepare a cup of strong tea immediately," I directed, and +Katie vanished. "Is there nothing I can do for you, Mrs. Graham?" I +approached her chair. + +"Nothing, thank you. You may save the maid the trouble of preparing +that tea if you will. I could not possibly drink it. I always carry my +own tea with me, and prepare it myself. If it is not too much trouble, +Dicky, will you get me a pot of hot water and some cream? I have +everything else here." + +I really felt sorry for Dicky. He caught the tension in the +atmosphere, and looked from his mother to me with a helpless +caught-between-two-fires-expression. With masculine obtuseness he put +his foot in it in his endeavor to remedy matters. + +"Why do you call my mother Mrs. Graham, Madge?" he said querulously. +"She is your mother now as well as mine, you know." + +"I am nothing of the kind." His mother spoke sharply. "Of all the +idiotic assumptions, that is the worst, that marriage makes close +relatives, and friends of total strangers. Your wife and I may learn +to love each other. Then there will be plenty of time for her to call +me mother. As it is, I am very glad she evidently feels as I do about +it. Now, Dicky, if you will kindly get me that hot water." + +"I will attend to it," I said decidedly "Dicky, take your mother to +her room and assist her with her things. I will have the hot water and +cream for her almost at once." + +In the shelter of the dining room, where neither Dicky nor his mother +nor Katie could see or hear me, I clenched my hands and spoke aloud. + +"Call _her_ mother! Give that ill-tempered, tyrannical old woman the +sacred name that means so much to me. _Never_ as long as I live!" + +Dicky met me at the door of the dining room and took the tray I +carried. It held my prettiest teapot filled with boiling water, a tiny +plate of salted crackers, together with cup, saucer, spoon and napkin. + +"Say, sweetheart," he whispered, "I want to tell you something. My +mother isn't always like this. She can be very sweet when she wants +to. But when things don't go to suit her she takes these awful icy +'dignity' tantrums, and you can't touch her with a ten-foot pole until +she gets over them. She was tired, from the journey, and the fact that +you kept her waiting in the taxicab made her furious. But she'll get +over it. Just be patient, won't you, darling?" + +If the average husband only realized how he could play upon his wife's +heart-strings with a few loving words I believe there would be less +marital unhappiness in the world. A few minutes before I had been +fiercely resentful against Dicky's mother. And my anger had reached +to Dicky, for I felt in some vague way that he must be responsible for +his mother's rudeness. + +But the knowledge that he, too, was used to her injustice and that he +resented it when directed against me made all the difference in the +world. I reached up my hand and patted his cheek. + +"Dear boy, nothing in the world matters, if _you_ aren't cross and +displeased." + + + + +XIV + +A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + +"Can you give me a few minutes' time, Dicky? I have something to tell +you." + +Dicky put down the magazine with a bored air. "What is it?" he asked +shortly. + +Involuntarily my thoughts flew back to the exquisite courtesy which +had always been Dicky's in the days before we were married. There +had been such a delicate reverence in his every tone and action. I +wondered if marriage changed all men as it had changed my husband. + +I went to my room and brought the letter back to Dicky. He read it +through, and I saw his face grow blacker with each word. When he came +to the signature, he turned back to the beginning and read the epistle +through again. Then he crumpled it into a ball and threw it violently +across the room. + +"See here, my lady," he exploded. "I think it's about time we came to +a show-down over this business. When I found that first letter from +this lad, I asked you if he were a relative, and you said 'No.' Then +you hand me this touching screed with its 'nearest of kin' twaddle, +and speaking of leaving you a fortune. Now what's the answer?" + +"Oh, hardly a fortune, Dicky," I returned quietly. "Jack has only a +few thousand at the outside." + +I fear I was purposely provoking, but Dicky's sneering, insulting +manner roused every bit of spirit in me. + +"A few thousand you'll never touch as long as you are my wife," +stormed Dicky. "But you are evading my question." + +"Oh, no, I'm not," I said coolly. "That real relationship between Jack +and myself is so slight as to be practically nothing. He is the son of +a distant cousin of my mother's. Perhaps you remember that on the day +you made the scene about the letter you had just emphasized your very +close friendship for Mrs. Underwood in a fashion rather embarrassing +to me. I resolved that, to speak vulgarly, 'what was sauce for the +gander,' etc., and that I would put my friendship for Jack upon the +same basis as yours for Mrs. Underwood. So when you asked me whether +or not Jack was a relative I said 'No.'" + +"That makes this letter an insult both to you and to me," Dicky said +venomously, his face black with anger. + +I sprang to my feet, trembling with anger. + +"Be careful," I said icily. "You don't deserve an explanation, but you +shall have one, and that is the last word I shall ever speak to you +on the subject of Jack. His letter is the truth. I am his 'nearest +of kin,' save the cousins in Pennsylvania of whom he speaks. He was +orphaned in his babyhood and my mother's only sister legally adopted +him, and reared him as her own son. We were practically raised +together, for my mother and my aunt always lived near each other. Jack +was the only brother I ever knew. I the only sister he had. + +"When my aunt died she left him her little property with the +understanding that he would always look after my mother and myself. +He kept his promise royally. My mother and I owed him many, many +kindnesses. God forbid that I ever am given the opportunity to claim +Jack's property. But if he should be killed"--I choked upon the +word--"I shall take it and try to use it wisely, as he would have me +do." + +"Very touching, upon my word," sneered Dicky, "and very +interesting--if true." He almost spat the words out, he was so angry. + +"It does not matter to me in the least whether you believe it or not," +I returned frigidly. + +Dicky jumped up with an oath. "I know it doesn't matter to you. +Nothing is of any consequence to you but this"--he ripped out an +offensive epithet. "If he is so near and dear to you, it's a wonder +you don't want to go over and bid him a fond farewell." + +I was fighting to keep back the tears. As soon as I could control my +voice I spoke slowly: + +"The reason why I did not go is because I thought you might not like +it. God knows, I wanted to go." + +I walked steadily to my room, closed the door and locked it and fell +upon the bed, a sobbing heap. + +"Where are you going?" Dicky's voice was fairly a snarl as I faced him +a little later in my street costume. + +"I do not know," I replied truthfully and coldly. "I am going out +for the rest of the afternoon. Perhaps you will be able to control +yourself when I return." + +It was not the most tactful speech in the world. But I was past caring +whether Dicky were angry or pleased. I am not very quick to wrath, but +when it is once roused my anger is intense. + +"You know you are lying," he said loudly. "You are going to see this +precious-cousin-brother-lover, whichever he may be." + +My fear that Katie or his mother would hear him overcame the primitive +impulse I had to avenge the insolent words with a blow, as a man +would. + +"You will apologize for that language to me when I come back," I said +icily. "I do not know whether I shall go to bid Jack good-by or not. I +have no idea what I shall do, save that I must get away from here for +a little while. But if you have any sense of the ordinary decencies +of life you will lower your voice. I do not suppose you care to have +either your mother or Katie overhear this edifying conversation." + +"Much you care about what my mother thinks," Dicky rejoined, and this +time his voice was querulous, but decidedly lower. "Fine courteous +treatment you're giving her, leaving her like this when she has been +in the house but a couple of hours." + +"Your mother has shown such eagerness for my society that no doubt she +will be heartbroken if she awakens and finds that I am not here." + +"That's right, slam my mother. Why didn't you say in the first place +you couldn't bear to have her in the same house with you?" + +"Dicky, you are most unjust," I began hotly, and then stopped +horror-stricken. + +"What is the matter, my son?" The incisive voice of my mother-in-law +sounded from the door of her room. + +"Go back to bed, mother," Dicky said hastily. "I'm awfully sorry we +disturbed you." + +"Disturbing me doesn't matter," she said decidedly, "but what you were +saying does. I heard you mention me, and I naturally wish to know if I +am the subject of this very remarkable conversation." + +I know now where Dicky gets the sneering tone which sets me wild when +he directs it against me. His mother's inflection is exactly like her +son's. The contemptuous glance with which she swept me nerved me to +speak to her in a manner which I had never dreamed I would use toward +Dicky's mother. + +"Mrs. Graham," I said, raising my head and returning her stare with +a look equally cold and steady, "my husband"--I emphasized the words +slightly--"and I are discussing something which cannot possibly +concern you. You were not the subject of conversation, and your name +was brought in by accident. I hope you will be good enough to allow us +to finish our discussion." + +My mother-in-law evidently knows when to stop. She eyed me steadily +for a moment. + +"Dicky," she said at last, and her manner of sweeping me out of the +universe was superb, "in five minutes I wish to speak to you in my +room." + +"All right, mother." Dicky's tone was unsteady, and as his mother's +door closed behind her I prepared myself to face his increased anger. + +"How dared you to speak to my mother in that fashion?" he demanded +hoarsely. + +When I am most angry, a diabolically aggravating spirit seems to +possess me. I could feel it enmeshing me. + +"Please don't be melodramatic, Dicky," I said mockingly, "and if you +have quite finished, I will go." + +"No, you won't, at least not until I have told you something," he +snarled. + +He sprang to my side, and seized my shoulder in a cruel grip that made +me wince. + +"We'll just have this out once for all," he said. "If you go out of +this door you go out for good. I don't care for the role of complacent +husband." + +The insult left me deadly cold. I knew, of course, that Dicky was +so blinded by rage and jealousy that he had no idea of what he was +saying. But ungovernable as I knew his temper to be, he had passed the +limits of my forebearance. + +"I will answer that speech in 10 minutes," I said and walked into my +room again. + +For I had come to a decision as startling as it was sudden. I hastily +threw some most necessary things into a bag. Then I put a ten-dollar +bill of the housekeeping money into my purse, resolving to send +it back to Dicky as soon as I could get access to my own tiny bank +account, the remnant of my teaching savings. Into a parcel I placed +the rest of the housekeeping money, my wedding and engagement rings +and the lavalliere which Dicky had given me as a wedding present. I +put them in the back of the top drawer of my dressing table, for I +knew if I handed them to Dicky in his present frame of mind he would +destroy them. Then I walked steadily into the living room, bag in +hand. + +Dicky was nowhere to be seen, but I heard the murmur of voices in his +mother's room. I went to the door and knocked. Dicky threw it open, +his face still showing the marks of his anger. + +"You will find the housekeeping money in the top drawer of my dressing +table," I said calmly. "I will send you my address as soon as I have +one, and you will please have Katie pack up my things and send them to +me." + +I turned and went swiftly to the door. As I closed it after me, I +thought I heard Dicky cry out hoarsely. But I did not stop. + + + + +XV + +"BUT I LOVE YOU" + + +With my bag in my hand, I fairly fled down the stairs which led from +our third floor apartment to the street. I had no idea where I was +going or what I was going to do. Only one idea possessed me--to put +as much space as possible between me and the apartment which held my +husband and his mother. + +Reaching the street, I started to walk along it briskly. But, +trembling as I was from the humiliating scene I had just gone through, +I saw that I could not walk indefinitely, and that I must get to some +place at once where I could be alone and think. + +"Taxi, ma'am?" + +A taxi whose driver evidently had been watching me in the hope of a +fare rolled up beside me. + +I dived into it gratefully. At least in its shelter I would be alone +and safe from observation for a few minutes, long enough for me to +decide what to do next. + +"Where to, ma'am?" + +I searched my memory wildly for a moment. Where to, indeed! But the +chauffeur waited. + +"Brooklyn Bridge," I said desperately. + +"Very well, ma'am," and in another minute we were speeding swiftly +southward. + +As I cowered against the cushions of the taxi, with burning cheeks and +crushed spirit, I realized that my marriage with Dicky was not a yoke +that I could wear or not as I pleased. It was still on my shoulders, +heavy just now, but a burden that I realized I loved and could not +live without. + +And I had thought to end it all when I dashed out of the apartment! + +I knew that I could have done nothing else but walk out after Dicky +uttered his humiliating ultimatum. But I also knew Dicky well enough +to realize that when he came to himself he would regret what he had +done and try to find me. I must make it an easy task for him. + +So I decided my destination quickly. I would go to my old boarding +place, where my mother and I had lived and where I had first met +Dicky. My kindly old landlady, Mrs. Stewart, was one of my best +friends. Without telling too broad a falsehood, I could make her +believe I had come to spend the night with her. The next day, I hoped, +would solve its own problems. + +"This is the bridge entrance, ma'am." The chauffeur's voice broke my +revery. I had made my decision just in time. + +How fortunate it was that I had chosen the Brooklyn Bridge +destination! I had only to walk up the stairs to the elevated train +that took me within three squares of Mrs. Stewart's home. + +"Bless your heart, child, but I am glad to see you!" was Mrs. +Stewart's hearty greeting. Then she glanced at my bag. I hastened to +explain. + +"Mr. Graham's mother is with us, so I haven't any scruples about +leaving him alone," I said lightly. "It's so far over here I thought +I would stay the night with you, so that we could have the good long +visit I promised you when I was here last." + +"That's splendid," she agreed heartily, "and I'll wager you can't +guess who's here." + +My prophetic soul told me the answer even before I saw the tall figure +emerge from an immense easy chair which had effectually concealed him. + +I was to bid Jack good-by after all. + +Mrs. Stewart closed the door behind her softly as Jack came over to my +side. + +"What is the matter, Margaret?" he said tensely. + +"Nothing at all." I told the falsehood gallantly, but it did not +convince Jack. + +"You can't make me believe that, Margaret," he said gravely. "I know +you too well. Tell me, have you quarrelled with your husband?" + +Jack has played the elder brother role to me for so long that the +habit of obedience to him is second nature to me. + +"Yes," I said faintly. + +"Over me?" The question was quick and sharp. + +I nodded. + +"You showed him my letter? Of course, I wished you to do so." + +"Yes." + +"How serious is the quarrel? I see you have a bag with you." + +"It depends upon my husband's attitude how serious it is," I replied. +"He made an issue of my not doing something which I felt I must +do. Then he lost his temper and said things which if they are to be +repeated, will keep me away forever!" + +I saw Jack's fists clench, and into his eyes there flashed a queer +light. I knew what it was. Before he knew I was married he had told me +of his long secret love for me. That he was fighting the temptation to +let the breach between Dicky and me widen, I knew as well as if he had +told me. + +Another moment, however, and he was master of himself again. + +"Sit down," he commanded tersely, and when I had obeyed he drew a +chair close to my side. + +"My poor child," he said tenderly, "I know nothing about your husband, +so I cannot judge this quarrel. But I am afraid in this marriage game +you will learn that there must be a lot of giving up on both sides. +Now I know you to be absolutely truthful. Tell me, is there any +possibility that the overtures for a reconciliation ought to come from +you?" + +"He told me that if I went out of the door, I must go out of it for +good," I said hotly, and could have bitten my tongue out for the words +the next moment. + +Jack drew a long breath. + +"Did he think you were going to see me?" + +"I believe he had that idea, yes." + +"Is he the sort of a man who always says what he means or does he +say outrageous things when he is angry that he does not mean in the +least?" + +"He has a most ungovernable temper, but he gets over the attacks +quickly, and I know he doesn't mean all he says." + +"That settles it." Jack sprang up, and going to a stand in the corner +took his hat and coat and stick. + +"What are you going to do, Jack?" I gasped. + +"I am going to find your husband and send him after you," he said +sternly. + +"Jack, you mustn't," I said wildly. + +"But I must," he returned firmly. "You have quarrelled over me. I +could not cross the water leaving you in an unsettled condition like +this." + +He came swiftly to my side, and took my hands firmly in his. + +"Margaret, remember this, if I die or live, all I am and all I have is +at your service. If I die there will be enough, thank heaven, to make +you independent of any one. If I live--" + +He hesitated for a long moment, then stooped closer to me. + +"This may be a caddish thing to do, but it is borne in upon me that +I ought to tell you this before I go. I hope the settling of this +quarrel will be the beginning of a happier life for you. But if +things should ever get really unbearable in your life, bad enough for +divorce, I mean, remember that the dearest wish of my life would be +fulfilled if I could call you wife. Good-by, Margaret. God bless and +keep you." + +I felt the touch of his lips against my hair. + +Then he released me and went quickly out of the room. + +It was hard work for me to obey Mrs. Stewart's command to eat the +supper that she soon brought me on a tray. Every nerve was tense in +anticipation of the meeting between Dicky and Jack, which I could not +avoid, and which I so dreaded. What was happening at my home while I +sat here, my hands tied by my own foolish act? + +I did not realize that Mrs. Stewart's suspense was also intense until +the door bell rang and she ran to answer it. + +I stole to the door and noiselessly opened it just enough to be able +to hear the voices in the lower hall. I heard the hall door open and +then a sound of a voice that sent me back to my chair breathless with +terrified happiness. + +Dicky had arrived! + +He ran up the stairs, two steps at a time, and knocked at the door of +the room in which I sat. + +"Come in," I said faintly. + +I felt as if my feet were shod with lead. Much as I loved him, great +as was my joy at seeing him, I could no more have stirred from where I +was sitting than I could have taken wings and flown to him. + +There was no need for my moving, however. Dicky has the most +abominable temper of any person I know, but he is as royal in his +repentance as in his rages. + +He crossed the room at almost a bound, his eyes shining, his face +aglow, his whole handsome figure vibrant with life and love. + +"Sweetheart! sweetheart!" he murmured, as he folded me in his arms," +will you forgive your bad boy this once more? I have been a jealous, +insulting brute, but I swear to you--" + +I put up my hand and covered his lips. I had heard him say something +like this too many times before to have much faith in his oath. +Besides, there is something within me that makes me abhor anything +which savors of a scene. Dicky was mine again, my old, impulsive, +kingly lover. I wanted no promises which I knew would be made only to +be broken. + +It was a long time before either of us spoke again, and then Dicky +drew a deep breath. + +"I have a confession to make about your cousin, Madge," he began, +carefully avoiding my eyes, "and I might as well get it over with +before we go home. Mother's probably asleep, but she might wake up, +and then there would be no chance for any talk by ourselves." + +"Don't tell me anything unless you wish to do so, Dicky," I replied +gently. "I am content to leave things just as they are without +question." + +"No," Dicky said stubbornly, "it's due you and it's due your cousin +that I tell you this. I don't often make a bally ass of myself, but +when I do I am about as willing a person to eat dirt about it as you +can find." + +I never shall get used to Dicky's expressions. The language in which +he couched his repentance seemed so uncouth to me that I mentally +shivered. Outwardly I made no sign, however. + +"When he came to the apartment," Dicky went on, "I was just about as +nearly insane as a man could be. I had no idea where you had gone and +I had just had the devil's own time with my mother and Katie over your +sudden departure." + +"What did your mother say to all this?" + +I asked the question timorously. + +Dicky laughed. "Well! of course she didn't go into raptures over +the affair," he said, "but I think she learned a lesson. At least I +endeavored to help her learn one. I read the riot act to her after you +left." + +"Oh! Dicky!" I protested, "that was hardly fair?" + +"I know it," he admitted shamefacedly. "I am afraid I did rather take +it out on the mater when I found you had really gone. But she deserved +a good deal of it. You have done everything in your power to make +things pleasant for her since she came, and she has treated you about +as shabbily as was possible." + +"Oh! not that bad, Dicky," I protested again, but I knew in my heart +that what he said was true. His mother had treated me most unfairly. +I could not help a little malicious thrill of pleasure that he had +finally resented it for me. + +"Just that bad, little Miss Forgiveness," Dicky returned, smiling at +me tenderly. + +My heart leaped at the words. When Dicky is in good humor he coins all +sorts of tender names for me. I knew that to Dicky our quarrel was as +if it had never happened. + +"I'll give you a pointer about mother, Madge," Dicky went on. "When +you see her, act as if nothing had happened at all, it's the only +way to manage her. She can be most charming when she wants to be, +but every once in a while she takes one of those silent tantrums, and +there is no living with her until she gets over it." + +I didn't make any comment on this speech, fearing to say the wrong +thing. + +"But I didn't start to tell you about Katie." Dicky switched the +subject determinedly. "I might as well get it off my chest. When your +cousin came in and introduced himself the first thing I did was to +attempt to strike him." + +"Oh, Dicky, Dicky," I moaned, horrified, "what did he do?" + +Dicky's lips twisted grimly. + +"Just put out his hand and caught my arm, saying with that calm and +quiet voice of his: + +"'I shall not return any blow you may give me, Mr. Graham, so please +do not do anything you will regret when you recover yourself!' + +"I realized his strength of body and the grip he had on my arm and +even my half-crazed brain recognized the power of his spirit. I came +to, apologized, and we had a long talk that made me realize what a +thundering good fellow he must be. + +"I don't see why you never fell in love with him," Dicky continued. +"He's a better man than I am," he paraphrased half wistfully. + +"But I love YOU," I whispered. + +Across Dicky's face there fell a shadow. I realized that thoughtlessly +I had wounded him. + + + + +XVI + +INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + +"Margaret!" My mother-in-law's tone was almost tragic. "Richard has +gone off with my trunk checks." + +"Why, of course, he has," I returned, wondering a little at her +anxious tone. "I suppose he expects to give them to an expressman and +have the trunks brought up this morning." + +"Richard never remembered anything in his life," said his mother +tartly. "Those trunks ought to be here before I leave for the day." + +"Oh, I don't think it would be possible for them to arrive here before +we have to start, even if Dicky gives them to an expressman right +away, as I am sure he will do." + +It seemed queer to be defending Dicky to his mother, but I felt a +curious little thrill of resentment that she should criticise him. +I sometimes may judge Dicky harshly myself, but I don't care to hear +criticism of him from any other lips, even those of his mother. + +"Richard will carry those checks in his pocket until he comes home +again, if he is lucky enough not to lose them," said his mother +decidedly. "I wish you would telephone him at his studio and remind +him that they must be looked after." + +Obediently I went to the telephone. I knew Dicky had had plenty +of time to get to the studio, as it was but a short walk from our +apartment. + +"Madison Square 3694," I said in answer to Central's request for +"number." + +When the answer came I almost dropped the receiver in my surprise. It +was not Dicky's voice that came to my ears, but that of a stranger, a +woman's voice, rich and musical. + +"Yes?" with a rising inflection, "this is Mr. Graham's studio. He has +not yet reached here. What message shall I give him, please, when he +comes in?" + +"Please ask him to call up his home." Then I hung up the receiver and +turned from the telephone, putting down my agitation with a firm hand +until I could be alone. + +"Dicky has not yet reached the studio," I said to his mother calmly. +"I think very probably he has gone first to see an expressman about +your trunks. If you will pardon me I have a few things to attend to +before we start on our trip. Is there anything I can do for you?" + +"No, thank you." Mrs. Graham's tone was still the cold, courteous one +that she used in addressing me. "I suppose I can ring for Katie when I +am ready to have my dress fastened?" + +"Oh! by all means," I returned. I thought bitterly of the little +services I used to perform for my own mother. How gladly I would +anticipate the wants of Dicky's mother if she would only show me +affection instead of the ill-concealed aversion with which she +regarded me. + +My mother-in-law went into her room, and I, walking swiftly to mine, +closed and locked the door behind me. I threw myself face downward on +the bed, my favorite posture when I wished to think things out. + +The voice of the woman at the studio haunted me. It was strange, but +familiar, and I could not remember where I had heard it. + +What was a woman doing in Dicky's studio at this time in the morning, +anyway? I knew that Dicky employed feminine models, but I also knew +that he always made it a point to be at the studio before the model +was due to arrive. + +"I suppose I am an awful crank," he had laughed once, "but no models +rummaging among my things for mine." + +I knew that Dicky employed no secretary, or at least he had told me +that he did not I had heard him laughingly promise himself that when +his income reached $10,000 a year he would hire one. + +All at once the solution to the mystery dawned upon me. The rich, +musical voice belonged to Grace Draper, the beautiful girl whom Dicky +had seen first on a train on our memorable trip to Marvin. + +Why hadn't Dicky told me that she was at the studio? The question +rankled in the back of my brain. + +That was not my main concern, however. What swept me with a sudden +primitive emotion, which I know must be jealousy, was the picture +of that beautiful face, that wonderful figure in daily close +companionship with my husband. + +Suppose she should fall in love with Dicky! To my mind I did not +see how any woman could help it. Would she have any scruples about +endeavoring to win Dicky's love from me? + +My common sense told me that this was the veriest nonsense. But I +could no more help my feelings than I could control the shape of my +nose. + +The ring of the telephone bell put a temporary end to my speculations. +I pulled myself together in order to talk calmly to Dicky, for I knew +it must be he who was calling. + +"Madge, is this you? Whatever has happened?" + +"Nothing is the matter," I said quickly, "but you have your mother's +trunk checks, and she is anxious about them." + +"By Jove!" Dicky's voice was full of consternation. "I forgot +everything about those trunk checks until this minute. I should +have attended to them yesterday, but"--he hesitated, then finished +lamely--"I didn't have time." + +I felt my face flush as though Dicky could see me. The reason why +he did not have time to see to his mother's trunks on the day of her +arrival, touched a subject any allusion to which would always bring a +flush to my face. + +I was still too shaken with the varying emotions I had experienced the +day before to bear well any reference to them, no matter how casual. +Fortunately, Dicky was too much taken up with his own remissness to +notice my silence. + +"I'll go out this minute and attend to them," he said. "Try to keep +the mater's mind diverted from them if you can. Better get her away on +your sight-seeing trip as soon as possible." + +Having thus shifted his responsibilities to my shoulders, Dicky +blithely hung up the receiver. I turned to his mother. + +"Well!" she demanded. + +"He is going out now to attend to the trunks," I said. + +"There! I knew he had forgotten them," she exclaimed, with a little +malicious feminine triumph running through her tones. "When will they +be here?" + +"Not before noon at the earliest," I repeated Dicky's words in as +matter-of-fact way as possible. "Probably not until 2 or 3 o'clock in +the afternoon. We might as well start on our trip. Katie is perfectly +capable of attending to them." + +Then she said, "How soon will you be ready?" + +"I am afraid it will be half an hour before I can start," I said +apologetically. + +"That will be all right," my mother-in-law returned good humoredly. +She was evidently much pleased at the prospect of the trip. + +"It's wonderful! Wonderful!" she said as the full view of New York +harbor burst upon our eyes when we came out of the subway and rounded +the Barge office into Battery Park. + +"Wait a moment. I want to fill my soul with it." + +I felt my heart warm toward her. I have always loved the harbor. Many +treasured hours have I spent watching it from the sea wall or from +the deck of one of the Staten Island ferries. To me it is like a +loved friend. I enjoy hearing its praises, I shrink from hearing it +criticised. Mrs. Graham's hearty admiration made me feel more kindly +toward her than I had yet done. + +Neither of us spoke again for several minutes. My gaze followed my +mother-in-law's as she turned from one marvel of the view to another. + +At last she turned to me, her face softened. "I am ready to go on +now," she said. "I have always loved the remembrance of this harbor +since I first saw it years ago." + +We walked slowly on toward the Aquarium, both of us watching the ships +as they came into the bay from the North river. The fussy, spluttering +little tugs, the heavily laden ferries, the lazy fishing boats, the +dredges and scows--even the least of them was made beautiful by its +setting of clear winter sun and sparkling water. + +"How few large ocean steamers there seem to be!" commented my +mother-in-law, as a large ocean-going vessel cast off its tug and +glided past us on its way out to sea. "I suppose it is on account of +the war," she continued indifferently. + +At this moment I heard a comment from a passing man that brought back +to me the misery of the day before. + +"I guess that's the Saturn," he said to his companion as they walked +near us. "She was due to sail this morning. Got a lot of French +reservists on board. Poor devils! Anybody getting into that hell over +there has about one chance in a million to get out again." + +Forgetful of my mother-in-law's presence, indeed, of everything else +in the world, I turned and gazed at the steamer making its way out to +sea. I knew that somewhere on its decks stood Jack, my brother-cousin, +the best friend my mother and I had ever known. When he had come back +from a year's absence to ask me to be his wife he had found that I +had married Dicky. Then he had announced his intention of joining the +French engineering corps. + +What had that man said just now? Not one chance in a million! I felt +as if it were my hand that was pushing him across the ocean to almost +certain death. + +When I could no longer see the Saturn as she churned her way out to +sea, I turned around quickly with a sense of guilt at having ignored +my mother-in-law's presence, and then a voice sounded in my ear. + +"You don't seem delighted to see me. I am surprised at you." + +Harry Underwood towered above me, his handsome face marred by the +little, leering smile he generally wears, his bold, laughing eyes +staring down into my horrified ones. + +I do not believe that ever a woman of a more superstitious time +dreaded the evil eye as I do the glance of Harry Underwood. + +How to answer him or what to do I did not know. He evidently had been +drinking enough to make himself irresponsible. + +He did not give me time to ponder long, however, "Who is your lady +friend," he burlesqued. "Introduce me." + +A man less audacious than Harry Underwood would have been daunted by +the picture my mother-in-law presented as he turned toward her. Her +figure was drawn up to its extreme height, and she was surveying him +through her lorgnette with an expression that held disgust mingled +with the curiosity an explorer might feel at meeting some strange +specimen of animal in his travels. + +"Mrs. Graham, this is Mr. Underwood," I managed to stammer. "Mr. +Underwood, Mrs. Graham, Dicky's mother." + +My mother-in-law may overawe ordinary people, but Harry Underwood +minded her disdain no more than he would have the contempt of a +stately Plymouth Rock hen. She had lowered the lorgnette as I spoke, +and he grabbed the hand which still held it, shaking it as warmly as +if it belonged to some long-lost friend. + +"Well! Well!" he said effusively. "But this is great. Dear old Dicky's +mother!" He stopped and fixed a speculating stare upon her. "You mean +his sister," he said reprovingly to me. "Don't tell me you mean his +mother. No, no, I can't believe that." + +He shook his head solemnly. Evidently he was much impressed with +himself. If I had not been so miserable I could have smiled at the +idea of Harry Underwood trying on the elder Mrs. Graham the silly +specious flatteries he addressed to most women. My mother-in-law did +not deign to answer him. Her manner was superb in its haughty reserve, +although I could not say much for her courtesy. As he released her +hand she let it drop quietly to her side and stood still, gazing at +him with a quiet, disdainful look that would have made almost any +other man wince. + +But it did not bother Harry Underwood in the least. He gave her a +shrewd appraising look and then turned to me with an air of dismissal +that was as complete as her ignoring of him. + +"Say!" he demanded, "aren't you a bit curious about what brought me +down here? You ought to be. The funniest thing in the world, my being +down here." + +His silly repetitions, his slurred enunciation, his slightly unsteady +figure made me realize with a quick horror that the man was more +intoxicated than I supposed. How to get away from him as quickly as +possible was the problem I faced. I decided to humor him as I would +any other insane person I dreaded. + +"I am never curious," I responded lightly. "I suppose, of course, that +you are here to visit the Aquarium, as we are. Good-by." + +"No you don't--goin' to take you and little lady here on nice ferry +trip," he announced genially. "Sorry, yacht's out of commission this +morning, but ferry will do very well." + +I have not much reason to like my mother-in-law, but I shall always +be grateful to her for the way she cut the Gordian knot of my +difficulties. + +"Young man, you are impertinent and intoxicated," she said haughtily. +"Please step aside." + +And taking me firmly by the arm my mother-in-law walked steadily with +me toward the door of the women's rest room. Her manner of conducting +me was much the same as the matron of a reformatory would use in +taking a charge from one place to another, but I was too relieved +to care. The leering face of Harry Underwood was no longer before my +eyes, and his befuddled words no longer jarred upon my ears. Those +were the only things that mattered to me for the moment. In my relief +I felt strong enough to brave the weight of my mother-in-law's anger, +which I was very sure was about to descend upon me. + + + + +XVII + +A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + +Safe in the shelter of the Aquarium rest room my mother-in-law faced +me. Her eyes were cold and hard, her tones like ice, as she spoke. + +"Margaret! What is the meaning of this outrageous scene to which you +have just subjected me? Am I to understand that this man is typical of +your associates and friends? If so, I am indeed sorrier than ever that +my son was ever inveigled into marrying you." + +For the moment I had a primitive instinct to scream and to smash +things generally, a sort of Berserk rage. The insult left me deadly +cold. Fortunately we were alone in the room, but I lowered my voice +almost to a whisper as I replied to her: + +"Mrs. Graham," I said. "I never in my life knew there was a man like +Mr. Underwood until I married your son. He and his wife, Lillian Gale, +are your son's most intimate friends. He has almost forced me to meet +them time and again against my own inclinations. Of course, after +what you have just said, there can be no further question of our trip +together. If you will kindly wait here I will telephone your son to +come and get you at once." + +I started for the door, but a little gasping cry from my mother-in-law +stopped me. She was feebly beating the air with her hands, her eyes +were distended, and her cheeks and lips had the ashen color which I +had learned to associate with my own little mother's frequent attacks. + +Filled with remorse, I flew to her side and lowered her gently into an +arm chair which stood near. Snatching her handbag I opened it and +took out a little bottle of volatile salts which I knew she carried. +I pressed it into her hands, and then took out a tiny bottle of drops +with a familiar label. They were the same that my mother had used for +years. Taking a spoon which I also found in the bag, I measured the +drops, added a bit of water from the faucet in the adjoining room, +and gave them to her. As I came toward her I heard her murmuring to +herself: + +"Lillian Gale! Lillian Gale!" she was saying. "How blind I've been." + +Even in my anxiety for her condition I found time to wonder as to the +significance of her exclamations. Evidently the name of Lillian Gale +was familiar to her. From her tones also I knew that it was not a +welcome name. What was there in this past friendship of Dicky and +Mrs. Underwood to cause his mother so much emotion? I remembered the +comments I had heard at the theatre about my husband's friendship with +this woman. + +All my old doubts and misgivings which had been smothered by the very +real admiration I had felt for Lillian Gale's many good qualities +revived. What was the secret in the lives of these two? I felt that +for my own peace of mind I must know. + +The color was gradually coming back to my mother-in-law's face. I +stood by her chair, forgetting her insults, remembering nothing save +that she was old and a sick woman. + +"Is there anything I can get for you?" I asked as I saw the strained +look in her eyes die out. + +"Nothing, thank you," she said. Then to my surprise she reached up her +hand, took mine in hers, and pressed it feebly. I could not understand +her quick transition from bitter contempt to friendly warmth. +Evidently something in my words had startled her and had changed her +viewpoint. But I put speculation aside until some more opportune time. +The imperative thing for me was to minister to her needs, mentally and +physically. + +"How do you feel now?" I asked. + +"Much better, thank you," she replied. Then in a tone I had never +heard from her lips before: "Come here, my child." + +I could hardly credit my own ears. Surely those gentle words, that +soft tone, could not belong to my husband's mother, who, in the short +time she had been an inmate of our home, had lost no opportunity to +show her dislike for me, and her resentment that her son had married +me. + +But I obeyed her and came to her side. She put up her hand and took +mine, and I saw her proud old face work with emotion. + +"I was unjust to you a few moments ago, Margaret," she said, "and I +want to beg your pardon." + +If she had not been old, in feeble health and my husband's mother, I +would have considered the words scant reparation for the contemptuous +phrases with which she had scourged my spirit a few moments before. + +But I was sane enough to know that the simple "I beg your pardon" from +the lips of the elder Mrs. Graham was equivalent to a whole torrent of +apologies from any ordinary person. I knew my mother-in-law's type of +mind. To admit she was wrong, to ask for one's forgiveness, was to her +a most bitter thing. + +So I put aside from me every other feeling but consideration of the +proud old woman holding my hand, and said gently: + +"I can assure you that I cherish no resentment. Let us not speak of it +again." + +"I am afraid we shall have to speak of it, at least of the incident +which led me to say the things to you I did," she returned. I saw with +amazement that she was trying to conquer an emotion, the reason for +which I felt certain had something to do with her discovery that the +Underwoods were Dick's friends. + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she went on, "a very painful duty, +which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I beg +that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. It +is far better that you do not." + +I felt smothered, as if I were being swathed in folds upon folds +of black cloth. What could this mystery be, this secret in the past +friendship of my husband and Lillian Gale, the woman whom he had +introduced to me as his best friend, and into whose companionship +and that of her husband, Harry Underwood, he had thrown me as much as +possible. + +A hot anger rose within me. What right had anyone to deny knowledge +of such a secret, or to discourage me in any attempt to find out its +nature. I resolved to lose no time in probing the unworthy thing to +its depths. + +My mother-in-law's next words crystallized my determination. + +"I think I ought to see Richard at once," she said. "I am sorry to +give up our trip. I had quite counted upon seeing some of old New York +today, but I wish to lose no time in seeing him. Besides, I do not +think I am equal to further sightseeing." + +"It will be of no use for you to go home," I said smoothly, "for +Richard will not be there, and he has left the studio by now, I am +sure. He has an engagement with an art editor this afternoon. We may +not be able to look at the churches you wished to see, but you ought +to have some luncheon before we go home. I will call a cab and we will +go over to Fraunces's Tavern, one of the most interesting places in +New York. You know Washington said farewell to his officers in the +long room on the second floor." + +The first part of my sentence was a deliberate falsehood. I had no +reason to believe Dicky would not be at his studio all day, but I had +resolved that no one should speak to my husband on the subject of the +secret which his past and that of Lillian Gale shared until I had had +a chance to talk to him about it. + +I do not know when a simple problem has so perplexed me as did the +dilemma I faced while sitting opposite my mother-in-law at lunch in +Fraunces's Tavern. + +With the obstinacy of a spoiled child the elder Mrs. Graham was +persisting in sitting with her heavy coat on while she ate her +luncheon, although our table was next to the big, old fireplace, in +which a good fire was burning. Indeed, it was the table's location, +which she had selected herself, that was the cause of her obstinacy. +She had construed an innocent remark of mine into a slur upon her +choice, and had evidently decided to wear her coat to emphasize the +fact that in spite of the fire she was none too warm, and there she +had sat all through lunch with her heavy coat on. + +As I watched the beads of perspiration upon her forehead, and her +furtive dabbing at them with her handkerchief, I realized that +something must be done. I saw that she would soon be in a condition to +receive a chill, which might prove fatal. + +Suddenly her imperious voice broke into my thoughts. + +"Where is the Long Room of which you spoke? On the second floor?" + +"Yes. Would you like to see it?" + +"Very much." She rose from her chair, crossed the dining room into +the hall and ascended the staircase, and I followed her upward, noting +again, with a quick remorsefulness, her slow step, the way she leaned +upon the stair rail for support and her quickened breathing as she +neared the top. It was a little thing, after all, I told myself +sharply, to subordinate my individuality and cater to her whims. I +resolved to be more considerate of her in the future. But my native +caution made me make a reservation. I would yield to her wishes +whenever my self-respect would let me do so. I had a shrewd notion +that a person who would cater to every whim of my husband's mother +would be little better than a slave. + +She spent so much time over the old letters in Washington's +handwriting, the snuff boxes and keys and coins with which the cases +were filled that I was alarmed lest she should over-tire herself. But +I did not dare to venture the suggestion that she should postpone her +inspection until another time. + +But when I saw her shiver and draw her cloak more closely about her, I +resolved to brave her possible displeasure. + +"I am afraid you are taking cold," I said, going up to her. "Do you +think we had better leave the rest of these things for another visit?" + +Her face as she turned it toward me frightened me. It was gray and +drawn, and her whole figure was shaking as with the ague. + +"I am afraid I am going to be ill," she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +I put her in a chair and dashed down the stairs. + +"Please call a taxi for me at once, and bring some brandy or wine +upstairs," I said to the attendant. "My mother-in-law is ill." + +As the taxi hurried us homeward I became more and more alarmed at her +condition. Her very evident suffering now heightened my fears. + +"Are we nearly there?" she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +"Only a few blocks more." I tried to speak reassuringly. Then I +ventured on something which I had wanted to do ever since we left the +tavern, but which my mother-in-law's dislike of being aided in any way +had prevented. + +I slipped off my coat, and, turning toward her, wrapped it closely +around her shoulders, and took her in my arms as I would a child. To +my surprise she huddled closer to me, only protesting faintly: + +"You must not do that. You will take cold." + +"Nonsense," I replied. "I never take cold, and we are almost there." + +"I am so glad," she sighed, and leaned more heavily against me. + +As I felt her weight in my arms and realized that she was actually +clinging to me, actually depending upon me for help and comfort, I +felt my heart warm toward her. + +I have never worked faster in my life than when I helped my +mother-in-law undress before the blazing gas log, put her nightgown +and heavy bathrobe around her and immersed her feet in the foot bath +of hot mustard water which Katie had brought to me. + +As I worked over her I came to a decision. I would get her safe and +warm in bed, leave Katie within call, then slip out and telephone +Dicky from the neighboring drug store. I did not dare to send for a +physician against my mother-in-law's expressed prohibition. On the +other hand, I knew that Dicky would be very angry if I did not send +for one. + +The hot footbath and the steaming drink which I had given her when she +first came in, together with the warmth of the gas log seemed to make +my mother-in-law more comfortable. As I dried her feet and slipped +them into a pair of warm bedroom slippers she smiled down at me. + +"At least I am not cold now," she said. + +"Don't you think you had better come and lie down now?" I asked. + +"Yes, I think it would be better," she asserted, and with Katie and me +upon either side, she walked into her room and got into bed. + +I slipped the bedroom slippers off, put one hot water bag to her +feet and the other to her back, covered her up warmly and lowered the +shade. + +Her eyes closed immediately. I stood watching her breathing for two or +three minutes. It was heavier, I fancied than normal. As I went out +of the room I spoke in a low tone to Katie, directing her to watch her +till I returned. + +As I descended the stairs all the doubts of the morning rushed over +me. It was long after 2 o'clock, the hour when Dicky usually returned +to the studio. I had jumped at the conclusion that Dicky was lunching +with Grace Draper, the beautiful art student who was his model and +protégé. + +It was not so much anger that I felt at Dicky's lunching with another +woman as fear. I faced the issue frankly. Grace Draper was much too +beautiful and attractive a girl to be thrown into daily intimate +companionship with any man. I felt in that moment that I hated her as +much as I feared her. I hoped that it would not be her voice which I +would hear over the 'phone. I felt that I could not bear to listen to +those deep, velvety tones of hers. + +But when I reached the drug store and entered the telephone booth, it +was her voice which answered my call of Dicky's number. + +"Yes, this is Mr. Graham's studio," she said smoothly. "No, Mr. Graham +is not here, he has not been here since 11 o'clock. Pardon me, is this +not Mrs. Graham to whom I am speaking?" + +"I am Mrs. Graham, yes," I replied, trying to put a little cordiality +into my voice. "You are Miss Draper, are you not?" + +"Yes," she replied. "Mr. Graham wished me to give you a message. He +was called away to a conference with one of the art editors about 11 +o'clock. He expected to lunch with him and said he might not be in the +studio until quite late this afternoon." + +"Have you any idea where he is lunching or where I could reach him?" I +asked sharply. + +"Why! no, Mrs. Graham, I have not. Is there anything wrong?" + +"His mother has been taken ill and I am very much worried about her. +If Mr. Graham comes in or telephones will you ask him to come home at +once, 'phoning me first if he will." + +"Of course I will attend to it. Is there anything else I can do?" + +"Nothing, thank you, you are very kind," I returned, and there was +genuine warmth in my voice this time. + +For the discovery that I had been mistaken in my idea of Dicky's +luncheon engagement made me so ashamed of myself that I had no more +rancor against my husband's beautiful protégé. + +I laughed bitterly at my own silliness as I turned from the telephone. +While I had been tormenting myself for hours at the picture I had +drawn of Dicky and his beautiful model lunching vis-a-vis, Dicky had +been keeping a prosaic business engagement with a man, and his model +had probably lunched frugally and unromantically on a sandwich or two +brought from home. + + + + +XVIII + +"CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + +"Will you kindly tell me who is the best physician here?" + +"Why--I--pardon me--" the drug store clerk stammered. "Wait a moment +and I'll inquire. I'm new here." + +"The boss says this chap's the best around here." He held out a +penciled card to me. "Dr. Pettit. Madison Square 4258." + +"Dr. Pettit!" I repeated to myself. "Why! that must be the physician +who came to the apartment the night of my chafing dish party, when the +baby across the hall was brought to us in a convulsion." + +A sudden swift remembrance came to me of the tact and firmness with +which the tall young physician had handled the difficult situation he +had found in our apartment. He was just the man, I decided, to handle +my refractory mother-in-law. So I called him up and he promised to +call as soon as his office hours were over. + +My feet traveled no faster than my thoughts as I hurried back to +my own apartment and the bedside of my mother-in-law. I dreaded +inexpressibly the conflict I foresaw when the autocratic old woman +should find out that I had sent for a physician against her wishes. + +As I entered the living room Katie rose from her seat at the door of +my mother-in-law's room. + +"She not move while you gone," she said. "She sleep all time, but I +'fraid she awful seeck, she breathe so hard." + +I went lightly into the bedroom and stood looking down upon the +austere old face against the pillow. It was a flushed old face now, +and the eyelids twitched as if there were pain somewhere in the body. +Her breathing, too, was more rapid and heavy than when I had left her, +or so I fancied. + +My inability to do anything for her depressed me. By slipping my hand +under the blankets I had ascertained that the hot water bags were +sufficiently warm. There was nothing more for me to do but to sit +quietly and watch her until the physician's arrival. + +I wanted to bring Dr. Pettit to her bedside before she should +awaken. Then I would let him deal with her obstinate refusal to see a +physician. But how I wished that Dicky would come home. + +As if I had rubbed Aladdin's lamp, I heard the hall door slam, and my +husband came rushing into the room. + +"What is the matter with mother?" Dicky demanded, his face and voice +filled with anxiety. + +I sprang to him and put my hand to his lips, for he had almost shouted +the words. + +"Hush! She is asleep," I whispered. "Don't waken her if you can help +it." + +"Why isn't there a doctor here?" he demanded fiercely. + +"Dr. Pettit will be here in a very few moments," I whispered rapidly. +"Your mother said she would not have a physician, but she appeared +so ill I did not dare to wait until your return to the studio. I +telephoned you, and when Miss Draper said she did not know where to +get you, I 'phoned to Dr. Pettit on my own authority." + +"You don't think mother is in any danger, do you, Madge?" + +"Why, I don't think I am a good judge of illness," I answered, +evasively, unwilling to hurt Dicky by the fear in my heart. "The +physician ought to be here any minute now, and then we will know." + +A sharp, imperative ring of the bell and Katie's entrance punctuated +my words. Dicky started toward the door as Katie opened it to admit +the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. + +"Ah, Dr. Pettit I believe we have met before," Dicky said easily. +"When Mrs. Graham spoke of you I did not remember that we had seen you +so recently. I am glad that we were able to get you." + +"Thank you," the physician returned gravely. "Where is the patient?" + +"In this room." Dicky turned toward the bedroom door, and Dr. Pettit +at once walked toward it. I mentally contrasted the two men as I +followed them to my mother-in-law's room. There was a charming ease +of manner about Dicky which the other man did not possess. He was, +in fact, almost awkward in his movements, and decidedly stiff in his +manner. But there was an appearance of latent strength in every +line of his figure, a suggestion of power and ability to cope with +emergencies. I had noticed it when he took charge of the baby in +convulsions who had been brought to my apartment by its nurse. I +marked it again as Dicky paused at the door of his mother's room. + +"I don't know how you will manage, doctor." He smiled deprecatingly. +"My mother positively refuses to see a physician, but we know she +needs one." + +"You are her nearest relative?" Dr. Pettit queried gravely, almost +formally. His question had almost the air of securing a legal right +for his entrance into the room. + +"Oh, yes." + +"Very well," and he stepped lightly to the side of the bed and stood +looking down upon the sick woman. + +He took out his watch, and I knew he was counting her respirations. +Then, with the same impersonal air, he turned to Dicky. + +"It will be necessary to rouse her. Will you awaken her, please? Do +not tell her I am here. Simply waken her." + +Dicky bent over his mother and took her hand. + +"Mother, what was it you wished me to get for you?" + +The elder Mrs. Graham opened her eyes languidly. + +"I told you quinine," she said impatiently. As she spoke, Dr. Pettit +reached past Dicky. His hand held a thermometer. + +"Put this in your mouth, please." His air was as casual as if he had +made daily visits to her for a fortnight. + +But the elder Mrs. Graham was not to be so easily routed. She scowled +up at him and half rose from her pillow. + +"I do not wish a physician. I forbade having one called. I am not ill +enough for a physician." + +Dr. Pettit put out his left hand and gently put her back again upon +her pillow. It was done so deftly that I do not think she realized +what he had done until she was again lying down. + +"You must not excite yourself," he said, still in the same grave, +impersonal tone, "and you are more ill than you think. It is +absolutely necessary that I get your temperature and examine your +lungs at once." + +As if the words had been a talisman of some sort, her opposition +dropped from her. Into her face came a frightened look. + +"Oh, doctor, you don't think I am going to have pneumonia, do you?" + +I was amazed at the cry. It was like that of a terrified child. Dr. +Pettit smiled down at her. + +"We hope not. We shall do our best to keep it away. But you must help +me. Put this in your mouth, please." + +My mother-in-law obeyed him docilely. But my heart sank as I watched +the physician's face. + +Suddenly she cried out, "Richard! Richard, if I am in danger of +pneumonia, as this doctor thinks, I want a trained nurse here at once, +one who has had experience in pneumonia cases. Margaret means +well, but threatened pneumonia with my heart needs more than good +intentions." + +"Of course, mother," Dicky acquiesced. "I was just about to suggest +one to Dr. Pettit." + +"But, doctor," Dicky said anxiously when we followed him into the +living room, "where are we to find a nurse?" + +"Fortunately," Dr. Pettit rejoined, "I have just learned that +absolutely the best nurse I know is free. Her name is Miss Katherine +Sonnot, and her skill and common sense are only equalled by her +exquisite tact. She is just the person to handle the case, and if you +will give me the use of your 'phone I think I can have her here within +an hour." + +"Of course," assented Dicky, and led the way to the telephone. + +I did not hear what the physician said at first, but as he closed the +conversation a note in his voice arrested my attention. + +"You are sure you are not too tired? Very well. I will see you here +tonight. Good-by." + +Woman-like, I thought I detected a romance. The tenderness in his +voice could mean but one thing, that he admired, perhaps loved the +woman he had praised so extravagantly. + +After he went away, promising to return in the evening, I busied +myself with the services to my mother-in-law he had asked me to +perform, and then sat down to wait for Miss Sonnot. Dicky wandered +in and out like a restless ghost until I wanted to shriek from very +nervousness. + +But the first glimpse of the slender girl who came quietly into the +room and announced herself as Miss Sonnot steadied me. She was a "slip +of a thing," as my mother would have dubbed her, with great, wistful +brown eyes that illumined her delicate face. But there was an air of +efficiency about her every movement that made you confident she would +succeed in anything she undertook. + +I have always been such a difficult, reserved sort of woman that I +have very few friends. I did not understand the impulse that made me +resolve to win this girl's friendship if I could. + +One thing I knew. The grave, sweet face, the steady eyes told me. One +could lay a loved one's life in those slim, capable hands and rest +assured that as far as human aid could go it would be safe. + +"Keep her quiet. Above all things, do not let her get excited over +anything." + +Miss Sonnot was giving me my parting instructions as to the care of my +sick mother-in-law before taking the sleep which she so sorely needed, +on the day that Dr. Pettit declared my mother-in-law had passed the +danger point. Thanks to her ministrations I had been able to sleep +dreamlessly for hours. Now refreshed and ready for anything, I had +prepared my room for her, and had accompanied her to it that I might +see her really resting. + +She was so tired that her eyes closed even as she gave me the +admonition. I drew the covers closer about her, raised the window a +trifle, drew down the shades, and left her. + +As I closed the door softly behind me, I heard the querulous voice of +the invalid: + +"Margaret! Margaret! Where are you?" + +As I bent over my husband's mother she smiled up at me. Her +illness had done more to bridge the chasm, between us than years of +companionship could have done. One cannot cherish bitterness toward +an old woman helplessly ill and dependent upon one. And I think in +her own peculiar way she realized that I was giving her all I had of +strength and good will. + +"What can I do for you?" I asked, returning her smile. + +"I want something to eat, and after that I want to have a talk with +Richard. Where is he?" + +"He is asleep," I answered mechanically. In a moment my thoughts had +flown back to the day my mother-in-law and I had met Harry Underwood +in trip Aquarium, and she had discovered he was Lillian Gale's +husband. + +What was it Dicky's mother had said that day in the Aquarium rest +room? + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she had declared, "a very painful +duty, which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I +beg that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. +It is better far that you do not." + +She had wished to go home at once and talk to Dicky. I had persuaded +her to go first to Fraunces's Tavern for luncheon. There she had been +taken ill, and in the days that had intervened between that time and +the moment I leaned over her bedside she and we around her had +been fighting for her life. There had been no opportunity for a +confidential talk between mother and son. And I was determined that +there should be none yet. + +In the first place, she was in no condition to discuss any subject, +let alone one fraught with so many possibilities of excitement. In +the second place, I was determined that no one should discuss that old +secret with my husband before I had a chance to talk to him concerning +it. + +"Well, you needn't go to sleep just because Richard is." + +My mother-in-law's impatient voice brought me back to myself. I +apologized eagerly. + +I have never seen any one enjoy food as my mother-in-law did the +simple meal I had prepared for her. She ate every crumb, drank the +wine, and drained the pot of tea before she spoke. + +"How good that tasted!" she said gratefully as she finished, sinking +back against my shoulder. I had not only propped her up with pillows, +but had sat behind her as she ate, that she might have the support of +my body. + +"I think I can take a long nap now," she went on. "When I awake send +Richard to me." + +I laid her down gently, arranged her pillows, and drew up the covers +over her shoulders. She caught my hand and pressed it. + +"My own daughter could not have been kinder to me than you have been," +she said. + +"I am glad to have pleased you, Mrs. Graham," I returned. I suppose +my reply sounded stiff, but I could not forget the day she came to us, +and her contemptuous rejection of Dicky's proposal that I should call +her "Mother." + +She frowned slightly. "Forget what I said that day I came," she said +quickly. "Call me Mother, that is, if you can." + +For a moment I hesitated. The memory of her prejudice against me would +not down. Then I had an illuminative look into the narrowness of my +own soul. The sight did not please me. With a sudden resolve I bent +down and kissed the cheek of my husband's mother. + +"Of course, Mother," I said quietly. + +It must have been two hours at least that I sat watching the sick +woman. She left her hand in mine a long time, then, with a drowsy +smile, she drew it away, turned over with her face to the wall, and +fell into a restful sleep. I listened to her soft, regular breathing +until the sunlight faded and the room darkened. + +I must have dozed in my chair, for I did not hear Katie come in or +go to the kitchen. The first thing that aroused me was a voice that I +knew, the high-pitched tones of Lillian Gale Underwood. + +"I tell you, Dicky-bird, it won't do. She's got to know the truth." + +As Mrs. Underwood's shrill voice struck my ears, I sprang to my feet +in dismay. + +My first thought was of the sick woman over whom I was watching. Both +Dr. Pettit and the nurse, Miss Sonnot, had warned us that excitement +might be fatal to their patient. + +And the one thing in the world that might be counted on to excite my +mother-in-law was the presence of the woman whose voice I heard in +conversation with my husband. + +I rose noiselessly from my chair and went into the living room, +closing the door after me. Then with my finger lifted warningly for +silence I forced a smile of greeting to my lips as Lillian Underwood +saw me and came swiftly toward me. + +"Dicky's mother is asleep," I said in a low tone. "I am afraid I must +ask you to come into the kitchen, for she awakens so easily." + +Lillian nodded comprehendingly, but Dicky flushed guiltily as they +followed me into the kitchen. Katie had left a few minutes before to +run an errand for me. + +Dicky's voice interrupted the words Lillian was about to speak to me. +I hardly recognized it, hoarse, choked with feeling as it was. + +"Lillian," he said, "you shall not do this. There is no need for you +to bring all those old, horrible memories back. You have buried them +and have had a little peace. If Madge is the woman I take her for she +will be generous enough not to ask it, especially when I give her my +word of honor that there is nothing in my past or yours which could +concern her." + +"You have the usual masculine idea of what might concern a woman," +Lillian retorted tartly. + +But I answered the appeal I had heard in my husband's voice even more +than in his words. + +"You do not need to tell me anything, Mrs. Underwood," I said gently, +and at the words Dicky moved toward me quickly and put his arm around +me. + +I flinched at his touch. I could not help it. It was one thing to +summon courage to refuse the confidence for which every tortured nerve +was calling--it was another to bear the affectionate touch of the man +whose whole being I had just heard cry out in attempt to protect this +other woman. + +Dicky did not notice any shrinking, but Mrs. Underwood saw it. I +think sometimes nothing ever escapes her eyes. She came closer to me, +gravely, steadily. + +"You are very brave, Mrs. Graham, very kind, but it won't do. Dicky, +keep quiet." She turned to him authoritatively as he started to speak. +"You know how much use there is of trying to stop me when I make up my +mind to anything." + +She put one hand upon my shoulder. + +"Dear child," she said earnestly, "will you trust me till tomorrow? +I had thought that I must tell you right away, but your splendid +generous attitude makes it possible for me to ask you this. I can see +there is no place here where we can talk undisturbed. Besides, I must +take no chance of your mother-in-law's finding out that I am here. +Will you come to my apartment tomorrow morning any time after 10? +Harry will be gone by then, and we can have the place to ourselves." + +"I will be there at 10," I said gravely. I felt that her honesty and +directness called for an explicit answer, and I gave it to her. + +"Thank you." She smiled a little sadly, and then added: "Don't imagine +all sorts of impossible things. It isn't a very pretty story, but I am +beginning to hope that after you have heard it we may become very real +friends." + +Preposterous as her words seemed in the light of the things I had +heard from the lips of my husband's mother, they gave me a sudden +feeling of comfort. + + + + +XIX + +LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + +"Well, I suppose we might as well get it over with." + +Lillian Underwood and I sat in the big tapestried chairs on either +side of the glowing fire in her library. She had instructed Betty, +her maid, to bring her neither caller nor telephone message, until our +conference should be ended. The two doors leading from the room +were locked and the heavy velvet curtains drawn over them, making us +absolutely secure from intrusion. + +"I suppose so." The answer was banal enough, but it was physically +impossible for me to say anything more. My throat was parched, my +tongue thick, and I clenched my hands tightly in my lap to prevent +their trembling. + +Mrs. Underwood gave me a searching glance, then reached over and laid +her warm, firm hand over mine. + +"See here, my child," she said gently, "this will never do. Before I +tell you this story there is something you must be sure of. Look at +me. No matter what else you may think of me do you believe me to be +capable of telling you a falsehood when a make a statement to you upon +my honor?" + +Her eyes met mine fairly and squarely. Mrs. Underwood has wonderful +eyes, blue-gray, expressive. They shone out from the atrocious mask of +make-up which she always uses, and I unreservedly accepted the message +they carried to me. + +"I am sure you would not deceive me," I returned quickly, and meant +it. + +"Thank you. Then before I begin my story I am going to assure you of +one thing, upon--my--honor." + +She spoke slowly, impressively, her eyes never wavering from mine. + +"You have heard rumors about Dicky and me; you will hear things from +me today which will show you that the rumors were justified in part, +and yet--I want you to believe me when I tell you that there is +nothing in any past association of your husband and myself which would +make either of us ashamed to look you straight in the eyes." + +I believed her! I would challenge anyone in the world to look into +those clear, honest eyes and doubt their owner's truth. + +There was a long minute when I could not speak. I had not known the +full measure of what I feared until her words lifted the burden from +my soul. + +Then I had my moment, recognized it, rose to it. I leaned forward and +returned the earnest gaze of the woman opposite to me. + +"Dear Mrs. Underwood," I said. "Why tell me any more? I am perfectly +satisfied with what you have just told me. Be sure that no rumors will +trouble me again." + +Her clasp of my hand tightened until my rings hurt my flesh. Into her +face came a look of triumph. + +"I knew it," she said jubilantly. "I could have banked on you. You're +a big woman, my dear, and I believe we are going to be real friends." + +She loosened her clasp of my hands, leaned back in her chair and +looked for a long, meditative moment at the fire. + +"You cannot imagine how much easier your attitude makes the telling of +my story," she began finally. + +"But I just assured you that there was no need for the telling," I +interrupted. + +"I know. But it is your right to know, and it will be far better if +you are put in possession of the facts. It is an ugly story. I think I +had better tell you the worst of it first." + +I marvelled at the look that swept across her face. Bitter pain and +humiliation were written there so plainly that I looked away. Then +my eyes fell upon her strong, white, shapely hands which were resting +upon the arms of the chair. They were strained, bloodless, where the +fingers gripped the tapestried surface. + +When she spoke, her voice was low, hurried, abashed. "Seven years +ago," she said, "my first husband sued me for divorce, and named Dicky +as a co-respondent." + +I sprang from my seat. + +"Oh, no, no, no," I cried, hardly knowing what I said. "Surely not. I +remember reading the old story when you were married to Mr. Underwood, +three years ago--I've always admired your work so much that I've read +every line about you--and surely Dicky's name wasn't mentioned. I +would have remembered it when I met him, I know." + +"There, there." She was on her feet beside me and with a gentle yet +compelling hand put me back in my chair. Her voice had the same tone +a mother would use to a grieving child. "Dicky's name wasn't mentioned +when the story was printed the last time, because at the time the +divorce was granted, Mr. Morten withdrew the accusation that he had +made against him." + +"Why?" The question left my lips almost without volition. I sensed +something tragic, full of meaning for me behind the statement she had +made. + +She did not answer me for a minute or two. + +"I can only answer that question on your word of honor not to tell +Dicky what I am going to tell you," she said. "It is something he +suspects, but which I would never confirm." + +She paused expectantly. "Upon honor, of course," I answered simply. + +She rose and moved swiftly toward one of the built-in bookcases. I saw +that she put her hand upon one of the sections and pulled upon it. To +my astonishment it moved toward her, and I saw that behind it was a +cleverly constructed wall safe. She turned the combination, opened the +door and took from the safe an inlaid box which, as she came toward +me, I saw was made of rare old woods. + +She sat down again in the big chair and looked at the box musingly, +tenderly. I leaned forward expectantly. Again I had the sense of +tragedy near me. + +Drawing the key from her dress she opened the box and took from it a +miniature, gazed at it a minute, and then handed it to me. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood," I exclaimed. "How exquisite." + +The miniature was of the most beautiful child I had ever seen, a tiny +girl of perhaps two years. She stood poised as if running to meet one, +her baby arms outstretched. It was a picture to delight or break a +mother's heart. + +I looked up from the miniature to the face of the woman who had handed +it to me. + +"Yes," she answered my unspoken query, "my little daughter; my only +child. She is the price I paid for Dicky's immunity from the scandal +which the unjust man that I called husband brought upon me." + +My first impulse was one of horror-stricken sympathy for her. Then +came the reaction. A flaming jealousy enveloped me from head to foot. + +"How she must have loved Dicky to do this for him!" The thought beat +upon my brain like a sledge hammer. + +"Don't think that, my dear, for it isn't true." I had not spoken, but +with her almost uncanny ability to divine the thoughts of other people +she had fathomed mine. "I was always fond of Dicky, but I never was in +love with him." + +"Then why did you make such a sacrifice?" I stammered. + +"Why! There was absolutely no other way," she said, opening her +wonderful eyes wide in amazement that I had not at once grasped her +point of view. "Dicky was absolutely innocent of any wrongdoing, but +through a combination of circumstances of which I shall tell you, my +husband had gathered a show of evidence which would have won him the +divorce if it had been presented." + +"He bargained with me: I to give up all claim to the baby. He to +withdraw Dicky's name, and all other charges except that of desertion. +Thus Dicky was saved a scandal which would have followed and hampered +him all his life, and I was spared the fastening of a shameful verdict +upon me. Of course, everybody who read about the case and did not know +me, believed me guilty anyway, but my friends stood by me gallantly, +and that part of it is all right. But every time I look at that baby +face I am tempted to wish that I had let honor, the righting of Dicky, +everything go by the boards, and had taken my chance of having her, +even if it were only part of the time." + +Her voice was rough, uneven as she finished speaking, but that was the +only evidence of the emotion which I knew must have her stretched upon +the rack. + +Right there I capitulated to Lillian Underwood. Always, through my +dislike and distrust of her, there had struggled an admiration which +would not down, even when I thought I had most cause to fear her. + +But this revelation of the real bigness of the woman caught my +allegiance and fixed it. She had sacrificed the thing which was most +precious to her to keep her ideal of honor unsullied. I felt that I +could never have made a similar sacrifice, but I mentally saluted her +for her power to do it. + +I realized, too, the reason for Dicky's deference to Mrs. Underwood, +which had often puzzled and sometimes angered me. Once when she had +given him a raking over for the temper he displayed toward me in her +presence, he had said: + +"You know I couldn't get angry at you, no matter what you said; I owe +you too much." + +I had wondered at the time what it was that my husband "owed" Mrs. +Underwood. The riddle was solved for me at last. + +I am not an impetuous woman, and I do not know how I ever mustered +up courage to do it. But the sight of Lillian Underwood's face as +she looked at her baby's picture was too much for me. Without any +conscious volition on my part I found my arms around her, and her face +pressed against my shoulder. + +I expected a storm of grief, for I knew the woman had been holding +herself in with an iron hand. But only a few convulsive movements of +her shoulders betrayed her emotion and when she raised her face to +mine her eyes were less tear-bedewed than my own. + +Something stirred me to quick questioning. + +"Oh, is there a chance of your having her again?" + +"I am always hoping for it," she answered quietly. "When her father +married again, several years ago--that was before my marriage to +Harry--I hoped against hope that he would give her to me. For he +knew--the hound--knew better than anybody else that all his vile +charges were false." + +Her eyes blazed, her voice was strident, her hands clasped and +unclasped. Then, as if a string had been loosened, she sank back in +her chair again. + +"But he would not give her to me," she went on dully, "and he could +not even if he would. For his mother, who has the child, is old and +devoted to her. It would kill her to take Marion away from her." + +"You saw my pink room?" she demanded abruptly. + +I nodded. The memory of that rose-colored nest and the look in my +hostess's eyes when on my other visit she had said she had prepared +the room for a young girl was yet vivid. + +"I spent weeks preparing it for her when I heard of her father's +remarriage," she said, "When I finally realized that I could not have +her, I lay ill for weeks in it. On my recovery I vowed that no one +else but she or I should ever sleep there. I have another bedroom +where I sleep most of the time. But sometimes I go in there and spend +the night, and pretend that I have her little body snuggled up close +to me just as it used to be." + +The crackling of the logs in the grate was the only sound to be heard +for many minutes. + +With her elbow resting on the arm of her chair, her chin cupped in her +hand, her whole body leaning toward the warmth of the fire, she sat +gazing into the leaping flames as if she were trying to read in them +the riddle of the future. + +I patiently waited on her mood. That she would open her heart to me +further I knew, but I did not wish to disturb her with either word or +movement. + +"I might as well begin at the beginning." There was a note in her +voice that all at once made me see the long years of suffering which +had been hers. "Only the beginning is so commonplace that it lacks +interest. It is the record of a very mediocre stenographer with +aspirations." + +That she was speaking of herself her tone told me, but I was genuinely +surprised. Mrs. Underwood was the last woman in the world one would +picture as holding down a stenographer's position. + +"I can't remember when I didn't have in the back of my brain the idea +of learning to draw," she went on, "but it took years and years of +uphill work and saving to get a chance. I was an orphan, with nobody +to care whether I lived or died, and nothing but my own efforts to +depend on. But I stuck to it, working in the daytime and studying +evenings and holidays till at last I began to get a foothold, and then +when I had enough to put by to risk it I went to Paris." + +Her voice was as matter of fact as if she were describing a visit to +the family butcher shop. But I visualized the busy, plucky years with +their reward of Paris as if I had been a spectator of them. + +"Of course, by the time I got there I was almost old enough to be the +mother, or, at least, the elder sister of most of the boys and girls +I met, and I had learned life and experience in a good, hard school. +Some of the youngsters got the habit of coming to me with all their +troubles, fancied or real. I made some stanch friends in those days, +but never a stancher, truer one than Dicky Graham. + +"Tell me, dear girl, when you were teaching those history classes, did +any of your boy pupils fall in love with you?" + +I answered her with an embarrassed little laugh. Her question called +up memories of shy glances, gifts of flowers and fruit, boyish +confidences--all the things which fall to the lot of any teacher of +boys. + +"Well, then, you will understand me when I tell you that in the studio +days in Paris Dicky imagined himself quite in love with me." + +There was something in her tone and manner which took all the sting +out of her words for me. All the jealousy and real concern which I had +spent on this old attachment of my husband for Mrs. Underwood vanished +as I listened to her. She might have been Dicky's mother, speaking of +his early and injudicious fondness for green apples. + +"I shall always be proud of the way I managed Dicky that time." Her +voice still held the amused maternal note. "It's so easy for an older +woman to spoil a boy's life in a case like that if she's despicable +enough to do it. But, you see, I was genuinely fond of Dicky, and +yet not the least bit in love with him, and I was able, without his +guessing it, to keep the management of the affair in my own hands. +So when he woke up, as boys always do, to the absurdity of the idea, +there was nothing in his recollections of me to spoil our friendship. + +"Then there came the early days of my struggle to get a foothold in +New York in my line. There were thousands of others like me. Six or +seven of the strugglers had been my friends in Paris. We formed a sort +of circle, "for offence and defence," Dicky called it; settled down +near each other, and for months we worked and played and starved +together. When one of us sold anything we all feasted while it lasted. +I tell you, my dear, those were strenuous times but they had a zest of +their own." + +I saw more of the picture she was revealing than she thought I did. +I could guess that the one who most often sold anything was the woman +who was so calmly telling me the story of those early hardships. I +knew that the dominant member of that little group of stragglers, the +one who heartened them all, the one who would unhesitatingly go hungry +herself if she thought a comrade needed it, was Lillian Underwood. + +"And then I spoiled my life. I married." + +"Don't misunderstand me," she hastened to say. "I do not mean that I +believe all marriages are failures. I believe tremendously in +married happiness, but I think I must be one of the women who are +temperamentally unfitted to make any man happy." + +Her tone was bitter, self-accusing. + +"You cannot make me believe that," I said stoutly. "I would rather +believe that you were very unwise in your choice of husbands." + +She laughed ironically. + +"Well, we will let it go at that! At any rate there is only one word +that describes my first marriage. It was hell from start to finish." + +The look on her face told me she was not exaggerating. It was a look, +only graven by intense suffering. + +"When the baby came my feeling for Will changed. He had worn me out. +The love I had given him I lavished upon the child. Will's mother came +to live with us--she had been drifting around miserably before--and +while she failed me at the time of the divorce, yet she was a tower of +strength to me during the baby's infancy. I was very fond of her and +I think she sincerely liked me. But Will, her only son, could always +make her believe black was white, as I later found out to my sorrow. + +"With the vanishing of the hectic love I had felt for Will, things +went more smoothly with me. I worked like a slave to keep up the +expenses of the home and to lay by something for the baby's future. My +husband was away so much that the boys and girls gradually came back +to something like their old term of intimacy. I never gave the matter +of propriety a thought. My mother-in-law, a baby and a maid, were +certainly chaperons enough. + +"Afterward I found out that my husband, equipped with his legal +knowledge, had set all manner of traps for me, had bribed my maid, and +diabolically managed to twist the most innocent visits of the boys of +the old crowd to our home to his own evil meanings. + +"Then came the crash. Dicky came in one Sunday afternoon and I saw at +once that he was really ill. You know his carelessness. He had let a +cold go until he was as near pneumonia as he could well be. A sleet +storm was raging outside, and when Dicky, after shivering before the +fire, started to go back to his studio, Will's mother, who liked Dicky +immensely, joined with me in insisting that he must not go out at all, +but to bed. Dicky was really too ill to care what we did with him, +so we got him into bed, and I took care of him for two or three days +until he was well enough to leave. + +"Of course, the greater part of his care fell on me, for Will's mother +was old and not strong. I am not going to tell you the accusations +which my unspeakable husband made against me, or the affidavits which +the maid was bribed to sign about Dicky and me. You can guess. Worst +of all, Will's mother turned against me, not because of anything she +had observed, but simply because her son told her I was guilty. + +"'I never would have thought it of you, Lillian,' she said to me with +the tears streaming down her wrinkled, old face. 'I never saw anything +out of the way, but of course Will wouldn't lie. And I loved you so.' + +"Poor old woman. Those last few words of affection made it easier for +me to give the baby up to her when the time came. She idolizes Marion. +She gives her the best of care, and I do not think she will teach her +to hate me as Will would. + +"But there has never been a moment since I kissed Marion and gave her +into the arms of her grandmother that I have not known exactly how +she was treated," she said. "I have made it my business to know, and I +have paid liberally for the knowledge. You see, about the time of the +divorce Mr. Morten had a legacy left him, so that life has been easy +for him financially. His mother had always kept a maid. Every servant +she has had has been in my employ. There has scarcely been a day since +I lost my baby that from some unobserved place I have not seen her +in her walks. I know every line of her face, every curve of her body, +every trick of movement and expression. I shall know how to win her +love when the time comes, never fear." + +Her voice was dauntless, but her face mirrored the anguish that must +be her daily companion. + +One thing about her recital jarred upon me. This paying of servants, +this furtive espionage was not in keeping with the high resolve that +had led the mother to "keep her word" to the man who had ruined her +life. And yet--and yet--I dared not judge her. In her place I could +not imagine what I would have done. + +One thing I knew. Never again would I doubt Lillian Underwood. The +ghost of the past romance between my husband and the woman before +me was laid for all time, never to trouble me again. Remembering +the sacrifice she had made for Dicky, considering the gallant fight +against circumstances she had waged since her girlhood, I felt +suddenly unworthy of the friendship she had so warmly offered me. + +I turned to her, trying to find words, which should fittingly express +my sentiments, but she forestalled me with a kaleidoscopic change of +manner that bewildered me. + +"Enough of horrors," she said, springing up and giving a little +expressive shake of her shoulders as if she were throwing a weight +from them. "I'm going to give you some luncheon." + +"Oh, please!" I put up a protesting hand, but she was across the room +and pressing a bell before I could stop her. + +I thought I understood. The grave of her past life was closed again. +She had opened it because she wished me to know the truth concerning +the old garbled stories about herself and Dicky. Having told me +everything, she had pushed the grisly thing back into its sepulchre +again and had sealed it. She would not refer to it again. + +One thing puzzled me, something to which she had not referred--why had +she married Harry Underwood? Why, after the terrible experience of +her first marriage, had she risked linking her life with an unstable +creature like the man who was now her husband? + +I put all questionings aside, however, and tried to meet her brave, +gay mood. + + + + +XX + +LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + +My mother-in-law's convalescence was as rapid as the progress of +her sudden illness had been. By the day that I gave my first history +lecture before the Lotus Study Club she was well enough to dismiss Dr. +Pettit with, one of her sudden imperious speeches, and to make plans +that evening for the welcoming and entertaining of her daughter +Harriet and her famous son-in-law Dr. Edwin Braithwaite, who were +expected next day on their way to Europe, where Doctor was to take +charge of a French hospital at the front. + +That night I could not sleep. The exciting combination of happenings +effectually robbed me of rest. I tried every device I could think of +to go to sleep, but could not lose myself in even a doze. Finally, in +despair, I rose cautiously, not to awaken Dicky, and slipping on my +bathrobe and fur-trimmed mules, made my way into the dining-room. + +Turning on the light, I looked around for something to read until I +should get sleepy. + +"What is the matter, Mrs. Graham? Are you ill?" + +Miss Sonnet's soft, voice sounded just behind me. As I turned I +thought again, as I had many times before, how very attractive the +little nurse was. She had on a dark blue negligee of rough cloth, made +very simply, but which covered her night attire completely, while +her feet, almost as small as a child's, were covered with fur-trimmed +slippers of the same color as the negligee. Her abundant hair was +braided in two plaits and hung down to her waist. + +"You look like a sleepy little girl," I said impulsively. + +"And you like a particularly wakeful one," she returned, +mischievously. "I am glad you are not ill. I feared you were when I +heard you snap on the light." + +"No, you did not waken me. In fact, I have been awake nearly an hour. +I was just about to come out and rob the larder of a cracker and a sip +of milk in the hope that I might go to sleep again when I heard you." + +"Splendid!" I ejaculated, while Miss Sonnot looked at me wonderingly. +"Can your patient hear us out here?" + +"If you could hear her snore you would be sure she could not," Miss +Sonnot smiled. "And I partly closed her door when I left. She is safe +for hours." + +"Then we will have a party," I declared triumphantly, "a regular +boarding school party." + +"Then on to the kitchen!" She raised one of her long braids of hair +and waved it like a banner. We giggled like fifteen-year-old school +girls as we tiptoed our way into the kitchen, turned on the light and +searched refrigerator, pantry, bread and cake boxes for food. + +"Now for our plunder," I said, as we rapidly inventoried the eatables +we had found. Bread, butter, a can of sardines, eggs, sliced bacon and +a dish of stewed tomatoes. + +"I wish we had some oysters or cheese; then we could stir up something +in the chafing dish," I said mournfully. + +"Do you know, I believe I have a chafing dish recipe we can use in a +scrap book which I always carry with me," responded Miss Sonnot. "It +is in my suit case at the foot of my couch. I'll be back in a minute." + +She noiselessly slipped into the living room and returned almost +instantly with a substantially bound book in her hands. She sat down +beside me at the table and opened the book. + +"I couldn't live without this book," she said extravagantly. "In it I +have all sorts of treasured clippings and jottings. The things I need +most I have pasted in. The chafing dish recipes are in an envelope. I +just happened to have them along." + +She was turning the pages as she spoke. On one page, which she passed +by more hurriedly than the others, were a number of Kodak pictures. I +caught a flash of one which made my heart beat more quickly. Surely I +had a print from the same negative in my trunk. + +The tiny picture was a photograph of Jack Bickett or I was very much +mistaken. + +What was it doing in the scrap book of Miss Sonnot? + +I put an unsteady hand out to prevent her turning the page. + +It was Jack Bickett's photograph. I schooled my voice to a sort of +careless surprise: + +"Why! Isn't this Jack Bickett?" + +She started perceptibly. "Yes. Do you know him?" + +"He is the nearest relative I have," I returned quickly, "a distant +cousin, but brought up as my brother." + +Her face flushed. Her eyes shone with interest. + +"Oh! then you must be his Margaret?" she cried. + +As the words left Miss Sonnot's lips she gazed at me with a +half-frightened little air as if she regretted their utterance. + +"I beg your pardon, Mrs. Graham," she said contritely; "you must think +I have taken leave of my senses. But I have heard so much about you." + +"From Mr. Bickett?" My head was whirling. I had never heard Jack speak +the name of "Sonnot." Indeed, I would never have known he had met her, +save for the accidental opening of her scrap book to his picture when +she and I were searching for chafing dish recipes. + +"Oh! No, indeed. I have never seen Mr. Bickett myself." + +A rosy embarrassed flush stole over her face as she spoke. Her eyes +were starry. Through my bewilderment came a thought which I voiced. + +"That is his loss then. He would think so if he could see you now." + +She laughed confusedly while the rosy tint of her cheeks deepened. + +"I must explain to you," she said simply. "I have never seen +Mr. Bickett, but my brother is one of his friends. They used to +correspond, and I enjoyed his letters as much as Mark did. I think his +is a wonderful personality, don't you?" + +"Naturally," I returned, a trifle dryly. The little nurse was +revealing more than she dreamed. There was romantic admiration in +every note in her voice. I was not quite sure that I liked it. + +But I put all selfish considerations down with an iron hand and smiled +in most friendly fashion at her. + +"Isn't it wonderful that after hearing so much of each other we should +meet in this way?" I said heartily. "If only our brothers were here." + +Miss Sonnet's face brightened again. "Is Mr. Bickett in this country? +" she asked, her voice carefully nonchalant. "I have not heard +anything about him for two or three years." + +"He sailed for France a week ago," I answered slowly. "He intends to +join the French engineering corps." + +There was a long moment of silence. Then Miss Sonnot spoke slowly, and +there was a note almost of reverence in her voice. + +"That is just what he would do," and then, impetuously, "how I envy +him!" + +"Envy him?" I repeated incredulously. + +"Yes, indeed." Her voice was militant, her eyes shining, her face +aglow. "How I wish I were a man ever since this war started! I am just +waiting for a good chance to join a hospital unit, but I do not happen +to know any surgeon who has gone, and of course they all pick their +own nurses. But my chance will come. I am sure of it, and then I +am going to do my part. Why! my great-grandfather was an officer in +Napoleon's army. I feel ashamed not to be over there." + + * * * * * + +I saw very little of Dicky's sister and her husband during the week +they spent in New York before sailing for France. True, Harriet spent +some portion of every day with her mother, but she ate at our table +only once, always hurrying back to the hotel to oversee the menu of +her beloved Edwin. + +Reasoning that in a similar situation I should not care for the +presence of an outsider, I left the mother and daughter alone +together as much as I could without appearing rude. I think they both, +appreciated my action, although, with their customary reserve, they +said very little to me. + +Dr. Braithwaite came twice during the week to see us, each time +making a hurried call. Harriet appeared to wish to impress us with the +importance of these visits from so busy and distinguished a man. But +the noted surgeon himself was simple and unaffected in his manner. + +One thing troubled me. I had done nothing, said nothing to further +Miss Sonnot's desire to go to France as a nurse. She had left us the +day after Dicky's sister and brother-in-law arrived, left with the +admiration and good wishes of us all. The big surgeon himself, after +watching her attention to his mother-in-law upon the day of arrival, +made an approving comment. + +"Good nurse, that," he had said. I took the first opportunity to +repeat his words to the little nurse, who flushed with pleasure. I +knew that I ought to at least inquire of the big surgeon or his wife +about the number of nurses he was taking with him, but there seemed no +fitting opportunity, and--I did not make one. + +I did not try to explain to myself the curious disinclination I +felt to lift a hand toward the sending of Miss Sonnot to the French +hospitals. But every time I thought of the night she had told me of +her wish I felt guilty. + +Jack was already "somewhere in France." If Miss Sonnot entered the +hospital service, there was a possibility that they might meet. + +I sincerely liked and admired Miss Sonnot. My brother-cousin had been +the only man in my life until Dicky swept me off my feet with his +tempestuous wooing. My heart ought to have leaped at the prospect +of their meeting and its possible result. But I felt unaccountably +depressed at the idea, instead. + +The last day of the Braithwaites' stay Harriet came unusually early to +see her mother. + +"I can stay only a few minutes this morning, mother," she explained, +as she took off her heavy coat. "I know," in answer to the older +woman's startled protest. "It is awful this last day, too. I'll come +back toward night, but I must get back to Edwin this morning. He is +so annoyed. One of his nurses has fallen ill at the last moment and +cannot go. He has to secure another good one immediately, that he may +get her passport attended to in time for tomorrow's sailing. And he +will not have one unless he interviews her himself. I left him eating +his breakfast and getting ready to receive a flock of them sent him by +some physicians he knows. I must hurry back to help him through." + +Miss Sonnet's opportunity had come! I knew it, knew also that I must +speak to my sister-in-law at once about her. But she had finished +her flying little visit and was putting on her coat before I finally +forced myself to broach the subject. + +"Mrs. Braithwaite"--to my disgust I found my voice trembling--"I +think I ought to tell you that Miss Sonnot, the nurse your mother had, +wishes very much to enter the hospital service. She could go tomorrow, +I am sure. And I remember your husband spoke approvingly of her." + +My sister-in-law rushed past me to the telephone. + +"The very thing!" She threw the words over her shoulder as she took +down the receiver. "Thank you so much." Then, as she received her +connection, she spoke rapidly, enthusiastically. + +"Edwin, I have such good news for you. Dicky's wife thinks that little +Miss Sonnot who nursed mother could go tomorrow. She said while she +was here that she wanted to enter the hospital service. Yes. I thought +you'd want her. All right. I'll see to it right away and telephone +you. By the way, Edwin, if she can go, you won't need me this +forenoon, will you? That's good. I can stay with mother, then. Take +care of yourself, dear. Good-by." + +She hung up the receiver and turned to me. + +"Can you reach her by 'phone right away, and if she can go tell her to +go to the Clinton at once and ask for Dr. Braithwaite?" + +I paid a mental tribute to my sister-in-law's energy as I in my turn +took down the telephone receiver. I realized how much wear and tear +she must save her big husband. + +"Miss Sonnot!" I could not help being a bit dramatic in my news. "Can +you sail for France tomorrow? One of Dr. Braithwaite's nurses is ill, +and you may have her place, if you wish." + +There was a long minute of silence, and then the little nurse's voice +sounded in my ears. It was filled with awe and incredulity. + +"If I wish!" and then, after a pregnant pause, "Surely, I can go. +Where do I learn the details?" + +I gave her full directions and hung up the receiver with a sigh. + +She came to see me before she sailed, and after she had left me, I +went into my bedroom, locked the door, and let the tears come which I +had been forcing back. I did not know what was the matter with me. I +felt a little as I did once long before when a cherished doll of +my childhood had been broken beyond all possibility of mending. +Unreasonable as the feeling was, it was as if a curtain had dropped +between me and any part of my life that lay behind me. + + + + +XXI + +LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + +Life went at a jog-trot with me for a long time after the departure +for France of the Braithwaites and Miss Sonnot. + +My mother-in-law missed her daughter, Mrs. Braithwaite, sorely. I +believe if it had not been for her pride in her brilliant daughter +and her famous son-in-law she would have become actually ill with +fretting. I found my hands full in devising ways to divert her mind +and planning dishes to tempt her delicate appetite. + +Because of her frailty and consequent inability to do much +sightseeing, or, indeed, to go far from the house, Dicky and I spent a +very quiet winter. + +Our evenings away from home together did not average one a week. And +Dicky very rarely went anywhere without me. + +"What a Darby and Joan we are getting to be!" he remarked one night as +we sat one on each side of the library table, reading. His mother, as +was her custom, had gone to bed early in the evening. + +"Yes! Isn't it nice?" I returned, smiling at him. + +"Ripping!" Dicky agreed enthusiastically. Then, reflectively, +"Funniest thing about it is the way I cotton to this domestic stunt. +If anyone had told me before I met you that I should ever stand for +this husband-reading-to-knitting-wife sort of thing I should have +bought him a ticket to Matteawan, pronto." + +He stopped and frowned heavily at me, in mimic disapproval. + +"Picture all spoiled," he declared, sighing. "You are not knitting. +Why, oh, why are you not knitting?" + +"Because I never shall knit," I returned, laughing, "at least not in +the evening while you are reading. That sort of thing never did appeal +to me. Either the wife who has to knit or sew or darn in the evening +is too inefficient to get all her work done in daylight, or she has +too much work to do. In the first case, her husband ought to teach her +efficiency; in the second place, he ought to help do the sewing or the +darning. Then they could both read." + +"Listen to the feminist?" carolled Dicky; then with mock severity: +"Of course, I am to infer, madam, that my stockings are all properly +darned?" + +"Your inference is eminently correct," demurely. "Your mother darned +them today." + +What I had told him was true. His mother had seen me looking over the +stockings after they were washed, and had insisted on darning Dicky's. +I saw that she longed to do some little personal service for her boy, +and willingly handed them over. + +Dicky threw back his head and laughed heartily. Then his face sobered, +and he came round to my side of the table and sat down on the arm of +my chair. + +"Speaking of mother," he said, rumpling my hair caressingly, "I want +to tell you, sweetheart, that you've made an awful hit with me the way +you've taken care of her. Nobody knows better than I how trying she +can be, and you've been just as sweet and kind to her as if she were +the most tractable person on earth." + +He put his arms around me and bent his face to mine. + +"Pretty nice and comfy this being married to each other, isn't it?" + +"Very nice, indeed," I agreed, nestling closer to him. + +My heart echoed the words. In fact, it seemed almost too good to +be true, this quiet domestic cove into which our marital bark had +drifted. The storms we had weathered seemed far past. Dicky's jealousy +of my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett; my unhappiness over Lillian +Underwood--those tempestuous days surely were years ago instead of +months. + +Now Jack was "somewhere in France," and I had a queer little +premonition that somewhere, somehow, his path would cross that of +Miss Sonnot, the little nurse, who had gone with Dr. Braithwaite's, +expedition, and who for years had cherished a romantic ideal of my +brother-cousin, although she had never met him. + +Lillian Underwood was my sworn friend. With characteristic directness +she had cut the Gordian knot of our misunderstanding by telling me, +against Dicky's protests, all about the old secret which her past and +that of my husband shared. After her story, with all that it revealed +of her sacrifice and her fidelity to her own high ideals, there +never again would be a doubt of her in my mind. I was proud of her +friendship, although, because of my mother-in-law's prejudice against +them, Dicky and I could not have the Underwoods at our home. + +Our meetings, therefore, were few. But I had an odd little feeling of +safety and security whenever I thought of her. I knew if any terrible +trouble ever came to me I should fly to her as if she were my sister. + +My work at the Lotus Study Club was going along smoothly. At home +Katie was so much more satisfactory than the maids I had seen in other +establishments that I shut my eyes to many little things about which I +knew my mother-in-law would have been most captious. + +But my mother-in-law's acerbity was softened by her weakness. We grew +quite companionable in the winter days when Dicky's absence at the +studio left us together. Altogether I felt that life had been very +good to me. + +So the winter rolled away, and almost before we knew it the spring +days came stealing in from the South, bringing to me their urgent call +of brown earth and sprouting things. + +I was not the only one who listened to the message of spring. Mother +Graham grew restless and used all of her meagre strength in drives to +the parks and walks to a nearby square where the crocuses were just +beginning to wave their brave greeting to the city. + +The warmer days affected Dicky adversely. He seemed a bit distrait, +displayed a trifle of his earlier irritability, and complained a great +deal about the warmth of the apartment. + +"I tell you I can't stand this any longer," he said one particularly +warm evening in April, as he sank into a chair, flinging his collar in +one direction and his necktie in another. "I'd rather be in the city +in August than in these first warm days of spring. What do you say +to moving into the country for the summer? Our month is up here the +first, anyway, and I am perfectly willing to lose any part of the +month's rent if we only can get away." + +"But, Dicky," I protested, "unless we board, which I don't think +any of us would like to do, how are we going to find a house, to say +nothing of getting settled in so short a time?" + +To my surprise, Dicky hesitated a moment before answering. Then, +flushing, he uttered the words which brought my little castle of +contentment grumbling about me and warned me that my marital problems +were not yet all solved. + +"Why, you see, there won't be any bother about a house. Miss Draper +has found a perfectly bully place not far from her sister's home." + +"Miss Draper has found a house for us!" + +I echoed Dicky's words in blank astonishment. His bit of news was +so unexpected, amazement was the only feeling that came to me for a +moment or two. + +"Well, what's the reason for the awful astonishment?" demanded Dicky, +truculently. "You look as if a bomb had exploded in your vicinity." + +He expressed my feeling exactly. I knew that Miss Draper had become a +fixture in his studio, acting as his secretary as well as his model, +and pursuing her art studies under his direction. But his references +to her were always so casual and indifferent that for months I had not +thought of her at all. And now I found that Dicky had progressed to +such a degree of intimacy with her that he not only wished to move to +the village which she called home, but had allowed her to select the +house in which we were to live. + +I might be foolish, overwrought, but all at once I recognized in +Dicky's beautiful protégé a distinct menace to my marital happiness. +I knew I ought to be most guarded in my reply to my husband, but I am +afraid the words of my answer were tipped with the venom of my feeling +toward the girl. + +"I admit I am astonished," I replied coldly. "You see, I did not know +it was the custom in your circle for an artist's model to select a +house for his wife and mother. You must give me time to adjust myself +to such a bizarre state of things." + +I was so furious myself that I did not realize how much my answer +would irritate Dicky. He sprang to his feet with an oath and turned on +me the old, black angry look that I had not seen for months. + +"That's about the meanest slur I ever heard," he shouted. "Just +because a girl works as a model every other woman thinks she has +the right to cast a stone at her, and put on a +how-dare-you-brush-your-skirt-against-mine sort of thing. You worked +for a living yourself not so very long ago. I should think you would +have a little Christian charity in your heart for any other girl who +worked." + +"It strikes me that there is a slight difference between the work of +a high school instructor in history, a specialist in her subject, and +the work of an artist's model," I returned icily. "But, laying all +that aside, I should have considered myself guilty of a very grave +breach of good taste if I had ventured to select a house for the wife +of my principal, unasked and unknown to her." + +"Cut out the heroics, and come down to brass tacks," Dicky snarled +vulgarly. "Why don't you be honest and say you're jealous of the poor +girl? I'll bet, if the truth were known, it isn't only the house she +selected you'd balk at. I'll bet you wouldn't want to go to Marvin at +all for the summer, regardless that I've spent many a comfortable +week in that section, and like it better than any other summer place I +know." + +Through all my anger at Dicky, my disgust at his coarseness, came +the conviction that he had spoken the truth. I was jealous of +Grace Draper, there was no use denying the fact to myself, however +strenuously I might try to hide the thing from Dicky. I told myself +that I hated Marvin because it held this girl, that instead of +spending the summer there I wished I might never see the place again. + +I was angrier than ever when the knowledge of my own emotion forced +itself upon me, angry with myself for being so silly, angry with Dicky +for having brought such provocation upon me! I let my speech lash out +blindly, not caring what I said: + +"You are wrong in one thing--right in another. I am not jealous of +Miss Draper. To tell you the truth, I do not care enough about what +you do to be jealous of you. But I would not like to live in Marvin +for this season--I never counted in my list of friends a woman who +possesses neither good breeding nor common sense, and I do not propose +to begin with Miss Draper." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment, his face dark and distorted with +passion. Then, springing to his feet, he picked up his collar and tie +and went into his room. Returning with fresh ones, he snatched his hat +and stick and rushed to the door. As he slammed it after him I heard +another oath, one this time coupled with a reference to me. I sank +back in the big chair weak and trembling. + +"Well, you have made a mess of it!" My mother-in-law's voice, cool and +cynical, sounded behind me. I felt like saying something caustic to +her, but there was something in her tones that stopped me. It was not +criticism of me she was expressing, rather sympathy. Accustomed as I +was to every inflection of her voice, I realized this, and accordingly +held my tongue until she had spoken further. + +"I'll admit you've had enough to make any woman lose her control of +herself," went on Dicky's mother, with the fairness which I had found +her invariably to possess in anything big, no matter how petty and +fussy she was over trifles. "But you ought to know Richard better than +to take that way with him. Give Richard his head and he soon tires of +any of the thousand things he proposes doing from time to time. Oppose +him, ridicule him, make him angry, and he'll stick to his notion as a +dog to a bone." + +She turned and walked into her own room again. I sat miserably huddled +in the big chair, by turn angry at my husband and remorseful over my +own hastiness. + +"Vot I do about dinner, Missis Graham?" Katie's voice was subdued, +sympathetic and respectful. I realized that she had heard every word +of our controversy. The knowledge made my reply curt. + +"Keep it warm as long as you can. I will tell you when to serve it." + +Katie stalked out, muttering something about the dinner being spoiled, +but I paid no heed to her. My thoughts were too busy with conjectures +and forebodings of the future to pay any attention to trifles. + +The twilight deepened into darkness. I was just nerving myself to +summon Katie and tell her to serve dinner when the door opened and +Dicky's rapid step crossed the room. He switched on the light, and +then coming over to me, lifted me bodily out of my chair. + +"Was the poor little girl jealous?" he drawled, with his face pressed +close to mine. "Well, she shall never have to be jealous again. We +won't live in Marvin, naughty old town, full of beautiful models. +We'll just go over to Hackensack or some nice respectable place like +that." + +At first my heart had leaped with victory. Dicky had come back, and he +was not angry. Then as his lips sought mine, and I caught his breath, +my victory turned to ashes. The regret or repentance which had driven +my husband back to my arms had not come from his heart but from the +depths of a whiskey glass. + + + + +XXII + +AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + +It was two days after our quarrel over Grace Draper and her selection +of a summer home for us before Dicky again broached the subject of +leaving the city for the summer. + +"By the way," he said, as carelessly as if the subject had never been +a bone of contention between us, "that house I was speaking of the +other night; the one Miss Draper thought we would like, has been +rented, so we will have to look for something else." + +I had no idea how he had managed to get rid of taking the house after +his protégé had gone to the trouble of hunting one up, nor did I care. +I told myself that as the girl's insolent assurance in selecting a +house for me had been put down I could afford to be magnanimous. So I +smiled at Dicky and said with an ease which I was far from feeling: + +"But there must be other places in Marvin that are desirable. That day +we were out there I caught glimpses of streets that must be beautiful +in summer." + +Into Dicky's eyes flashed a look of tender pleasure that warmed me. +Taking advantage of his mother's absorption in her fish he threw me a +kiss. I knew that I had pleased him wonderfully by tacitly agreeing to +go to Marvin, and that our quarrel was to him as if it had never been. +I wish I had his mercurial temperament. Long after I have forgiven a +wrong done to me, or an unpleasant experience, the bitter memory of it +comes back to torment me. + +"That's my bully girl!" was all Dicky said in reply, but when the +baked fish had been discussed and we were eating our salad he looked +up, his eyes twinkling. + +"This green stuff reminds me that if I'm going to get my garden sass +planted this year or you want any flower beds, we'll have to get busy. +Can you run out to Marvin with me tomorrow morning and look around? We +ought to be able to find something we want. Real estate agents are as +thick as fleas around that section." + +We made an early start the next morning, Mother Graham, with +characteristic energy, spurring up Katie with the breakfast, and +successfully routing Dicky from the second nap he was bound to take. I +had been up since daylight, for it was a perfect spring morning, and I +was anxious to be afield. + +As we neared the entrance of the Long Island station I thought of the +first trip we had taken to Marvin, and the unpleasantness which had +marred the day, and I plucked Dicky's sleeve timidly. + +"Dicky!" I swallowed hard and stopped short. + +He adroitly swung me across the street into the safety of the runway +leading down into the station before he spoke. + +"Well, what's on your conscience?" He smiled down at me roguishly. +"You look as if you were going to confess to a murder at least." + +"Not that bad," I smiled faintly. "But oh, Dicky, if I promise to +try not to say anything irritating today, will you promise not to, +either?" + +"Sure as you're born," Dicky returned cheerfully. "Don't want to spoil +the day, eh?" + +"It's such a heavenly day," I sighed. "I feel as if I couldn't stand +it to have anything mar it." + +As we sat in the train that bore us to Marvin Dicky outlined some of +his plans for the summer. + +"There are two or three of the fellows who come down here summers who +I know will be glad to go Dutch on a motor boat," he said. "We can +take the bulliest trips, way out to deserted sand islands, where the +surf is the best ever. We'll take along a tent and spend the night +there sometime, or we can stretch out in the boat. Then we must see if +we can get hold of some horses. Do you ride? Think of it! We've been +married months, and I don't know yet whether you ride or not!" + +"No, I don't ride, but oh, how I've always wanted to!" I returned with +enthusiasm. Then, with a sudden qualm, "But all that will be terribly +expensive, won't it?" + +"Not so awful," Dicky said, smiling down at me. "But even if it is, +I guess we can stand it. I've had some cracking good orders lately. +We'll have one whale of a summer." + +My heart beat high with happiness. Surely, with all these plans +for me, my husband's thoughts could not be much occupied with his +beautiful model. As he lifted me down to the station platform at +Marvin I looked with friendliness at the dingy, battered old railroad +station which I remembered, at the defiant sign near it which +trumpeted in large type, "Don't judge the town by the station," and +the winding main street of the village, which, when I had visited +Marvin before, Dicky had wished to show me. + +Upon that other visit our first sight of Grace Draper and Dicky's +interest in her had spoiled the trip for me. I had insisted upon going +back without seeing some of the things Dicky had planned to show +me, and I had disliked the thought of the town ever since. But with +Dicky's loving plans for my happiness dazzling me, I felt a touch of +the glamour with which he invested the place in my eyes. I caught at +his hand in an unwonted burst of tenderness. + +"Let's walk down that old winding street which you told me about last +winter," I said. "I've wanted to see it ever since you spoke about +it." + +"We'll probably motor down it instead," he grinned. "There's a real +estate office just opposite here, and I see the agent's flivver in +front of the door, where he stands just inside his office. The spider +and the fly, eh, Madge? Well, Mr. Spider, here are two dear little +flies for you!" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I dragged at his arm in protest. "Don't spoil our first +view of that street by whirling through it in a car. Let's saunter +down it first and then come back to the real estate man." + +"You have a gleam of human intelligence, sometimes, don't you?" Dicky +inquired banteringly. Then he took my arm to help me across the rough +places in the country road. + +We had almost reached the door of the office when Dicky caught sight +of a plainly dressed woman coming toward us. I heard him catch his +breath, his grasp on my arm tightened, and with an indescribable agile +movement he fairly bolted into the real estate office, dragging me +with him. + +"I'll explain later," he said in my ear. "Just follow my lead now." + +As he turned to the rotund little real estate agent, who came forward +to greet us, a look of surprise on his round face, I looked through +the window at the woman from whose sight he had dodged. + +Then I felt that I needed an explanation, indeed. + +For the woman whose eyes my husband so evidently wished to avoid was +Mrs. Gorman, Grace Draper's sister. + + * * * * * + +So I was to live in a house of Grace Draper's choosing, after all! + +This was the thought that came most forcibly to me when Mr. Brennan, +the owner of the house Dicky had impetuously decided to rent, told us +that Miss Draper had looked over the place for an artist friend, and +that she would have taken it only for finding another house nearer her +own home. + +I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not at first notice +Dicky's embarrassment when Mr. Brennan asked him if he knew Grace +Draper. It was only when the man, who had all the earmarks of a +gossiping countryman, repeated the question, that I realized Dicky's +confusion. + +"Did you say you knew her?" + +"Yes, I know her; she works in my studio," remarked Dicky, shortly. + +"Oh!" The exclamation had the effect of a long-drawn whistle. "Then +you probably were the artist friend she spoke of." + +"I probably was." Dicky's tone was grim. I knew how near his temper +was to exploding, and the look which I beheld on the face of Mr. +Birdsall, the little real estate agent, galvanized me into action. + +"Dear, what do you suppose led Grace to think we would like that other +place better than this?" I flashed a tender little smile at Dicky. "Of +course we would like to be nearer her, but this is not very far from +her home, and it is so much better, isn't it?" + +Dicky took the cue without a tremor. + +"Why, I suppose she thought you would find this house too big for you +to look after," he replied in a matter-of-fact way. + +"That was awful dear and thoughtful of her," I murmured, careful +to keep my voice at just the right pitch of friendliness toward the +absent Grace, "but I don't think this will be too much, for we can +shut up the rooms we don't need." + +I had the satisfaction of seeing the puzzled looks of Mr. Brennan +and Mr. Birdsall change into an evident readjustment of their ideas +concerning my husband and Grace Draper. But I did not relax my iron +hold upon myself. I knew if I dared let myself down for an instant +angry tears would rush to my eyes. + +"When did you say we could move in?" I turned to Mr. Brennan, +determined to get away from the subject of Grace Draper as quickly as +possible. + +"Today, if you want it." + +"No," returned Dicky, "but we will want it soon. When do you think we +can move?" He turned to me. + + * * * * * + +I spent three busy days at the Brennan place. There was much to be +done both inside and outside the house. After the first day, Katie did +not return with me, as my mother-in-law needed her in the apartment. +But I engaged another woman with the one I had for the work in the +house and put the grinning William in charge of an old man I had +secured to clean up the grounds and make the garden. + +I soon found that I had a treasure in Mr. Jones, who was a typical old +Yankee farmer, a wizened little man with chin whiskers. He could only +give me a day or two occasionally, as he was old and confided to me +that he was subject to "the rheumatics." But while I was there he +ploughed and harrowed and planted the garden, cleared the rubbish +away, and made me innumerable flower beds, keeping an iron hand over +the irresponsible William, whose grin gradually faded as he was forced +to do some real work for his day's wages. + +A riotous and extravagant hour in a seed and bulb store resulted in my +getting all the flower favorites I had loved in my childhood. I also +bought the seeds of all vegetables which Dicky and I liked, and a few +more, and put them in Mr. Jones's capable hands. + +If there was a variety of vegetables or flower seeds which looked +attractive in the seedman's catalogue, and which remained unbought, it +was the fault of the salesman, for I conscientiously tried to select +every one. I planned the location of a few of the beds, and then +confided to Mr. Jones the rest of the outdoor work, knowing that he +could finish it after my return to the city. + +Mr. Birdsall, the agent, was very tractable about the kitchen, sending +men the second day to paint it. So at the end of the third day, when I +turned the key in the lock of the front door, I was conscious that the +house was as clean as soap and water and hard work could make it, that +the grounds were in order, and the growing things I loved on their way +to greet me. + +I fancy it was high time things were accomplished, for in some way +I had caught a severe cold. At least that was the way I diagnosed my +complaint. My throat seemed swollen, my head ached severely, and each +bone and muscle in my body appeared to have its separate pain. When I +reached the apartment I felt so ill that I undressed and went to bed +at once. + +"You must spray your throat immediately," my mother-in-law said in a +businesslike way, "and I suppose we ought to send for that jackanapes +of a doctor." + +Even through my suffering I could not help but smile at my +mother-in-law's reference to Dr. Pettit, who had attended her in her +illness. She had summarily dismissed him because he had forbidden +her to see to the unpacking of her trunks when she was barely +convalescent, and we had not seen him since. + +"I'm sure I will not need a physician," I said, trying to speak +distinctly, although it was an effort for me to articulate. "Wait +until Dicky comes, anyway." + +For distinct in my mind was a mental picture of the look I had +detected in Dr. Pettit's eyes upon the day of his last visit to my +mother-in-law. I remembered the way he had clasped my hand in parting. +The feeling was indefinable. I scored myself as fanciful and conceited +for imagining that there had been anything special in his farewell +to me or in the little courtesies he had tendered me during my +mother-in-law's illness. But I told myself again, as I had after +closing the door upon his last visit, that it were better all around +if he did not come again. + +"If you wait for Richard, you'll wait a long time," his mother +observed grimly. "He called up a while ago, and said he had been +invited to an impromptu studio party that he couldn't get away from, +and that he would be home in two or three hours. But I know Richard. +If he gets interested in anything like that he won't be home until +midnight." + +I do not pretend either to analyze or excuse the feeling of reckless +defiance that seized me upon hearing of Dicky's absence. I reflected +bitterly that I had taken all the burden of seeing to the new home, +and was suffering from illness contracted because of that work, while +Dicky was frolicking at a studio party, with never a thought of me. + +I know without being told that Grace Draper was a member of the +frolic. And here I was suffering, yet refusing the services of a +skilled physician because I fancied there was something in his manner +the tolerance of which would savor of disloyalty to Dicky! + +I turned to my mother-in-law to tell her she could summon the +physician, but found that I could hardly speak. My throat felt as if I +were choking. + +"The spray!" I gasped. + +Thoroughly alarmed, Mother Graham assisted me in spraying my throat +with a strong antiseptic solution. Then I gave her the number of Dr. +Pettit's office, and she called him up. I heard her tell him to make +haste, and then she came back to me. I saw that she was frightened +about the condition of my throat, but the choking feeling gave me no +time to be frightened. I kept the spray going almost constantly until +the physician came. It was the only way I could breathe. + +Dr. Pettit must have made a record journey, for the door bell +signalled his arrival only a few moments after Mother Graham's +message. + +He gave my throat one swift, shrewd glance, then turned to his small +valise and drew from it a stick, some absorbent cotton and a bottle of +dark liquid. With swift, sure movements he prepared a swab, and turned +to me. + +"Open your mouth again," he said gently, but peremptorily. + +I obeyed him, and the antiseptic bathed the swollen tonsils surely and +skilfully. + +As I swayed, almost staggered, in the spasm of coughing and choking +which followed, I felt the strong, sure support of his arm touching my +shoulders, of his hand grasping mine. + +"Now lie down," he commanded gently, when the paroxysm was over. He +drew the covers over me himself, lifted my head and shoulders gently +with one hand, while with the other he raised the pillows to the angle +he wished. Then he turned to my mother-in-law. + +"She has a bad case of tonsilitis, but there is no danger," he said +quietly, utterly ignoring her rudeness at the time of his last visit. +"I will stay until I have swabbed her throat again. She is to have +these pellets," he handed her a bottle of pink tablets, "once every +fifteen minutes until she has taken four, then every hour until +midnight. Let her sleep all she can and keep her warm. I would like +two hot water bags filled, if you please, and a glass of water. She +must begin taking these tablets as soon as possible." + +As my mother-in-law left the room to get the things he wished, Dr. +Pettit came back to the bedside and stood looking down at me. + +"Where is your husband?" he asked, a note of sternness in his voice. + +I shook my head. I was just nervous and sick enough to feel the +question keenly. I could not restrain the foolish tears which rolled +slowly down my cheeks. + +Dr. Pettit took his handkerchief and wiped them away. Then he said in +almost a whisper: + +"Poor little girl! How I wish I could bear the pain for you!" + + + + +XXIII + +"BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + +My recovery from the attack of tonsilitis, thanks to Dr. Pettit's +remedies, was almost as rapid as the seizure had been sudden. +My mother-in-law, forgetting her own invalidism, carried out the +physician's directions faithfully. The choking sensation in my throat +gradually lessened, until by midnight I was able to go to sleep. + +I have no idea when Dicky came home from his "impromptu studio party." +His mother, whose deftness, efficiency and unexpected tenderness +surprised me, arranged a bed for him on the couch in the living room, +and I did not hear him come in at all. + +"My poor little sweetheart!" This was his greeting the next morning. +"If I had only known you were ill the old blow-out could have gone +plump. It was a stupid affair, anyway. Had a rotten time." + +"It doesn't matter, Dicky," I said wearily, and closed my eyes, +pretending to sleep. I knew Dicky was puzzled by my manner, for +I could feel him silently watching me for several minutes. Then +evidently satisfied that I was really sleeping he tiptoed out of the +room, and a little later I heard him depart for his studio, first +cautioning his mother to call him if I needed him. + +I spent a most miserable day after Dicky had left, in spite of my +mother-in-law's tender care and Katie's assiduous attentions. The +studio party, of which I was sure Grace Draper was a member, rankled +as did anything connected with this student model of Dicky's. The +memory of the village gossip concerning her friendship for my husband +which I had heard in Marvin troubled me, while even Dicky's solicitude +for my illness seemed to my overwrought imagination to be forced, +artificial. + +His exclamation, "My poor little sweetheart!" did not ring true to +me. I felt bitterly that there was more sincerity in Dr. Pettit's low +words of the day before: "Poor little girl, I wish I could bear this +pain for you!" than in Dicky's protestations. + +How genuinely troubled the tall young physician had been! How +resentful of Dicky's absence from my bedside! How tender and strong +in my paroxysms of choking! I felt a sudden added bitterness toward my +husband that the memory of my suffering should have blended with it no +recollection of his care, only the tender sympathy of a stranger. + +But in two days I was my usual self again, ready for the arduous tasks +of moving and settling. + +Mother Graham and I spent a hectic day in the furniture and drapery +shops, buying things to supplement her furniture and mine, which we +had arranged to have sent to the Brennan house in Marvin. I found that +her judgment as to values and fabrics was unerring. But her taste as +to colors and designs frequently clashed with mine. Save for the fact +that she became fatigued before we had finished our shopping, there +would have been no individual touch of mine in our home. As it was, I +was not sorry that she found herself too indisposed to go with me +the second day, so that I had a chance to put something of my own +individuality into the new furnishings. + +Another two days in Marvin with the aid of a workman unpacking and +arranging the crated furniture and our purchases, and the new home was +ready to step into. + +We were a gay little party as we went together through the house +inspecting all the rooms. When we came to Dicky's, he barred us out. + +"Now, remember, no stealing of keys and peering into Bluebeard's +closet," said Dicky gayly, as he closed and locked the door of his +room. + +"You flatter yourself, sir." I swept him a low bow. "I really haven't +the slightest curiosity about your old room." + +"Sour grapes," he mocked, and then impressively, "And no matter what +packages or furniture come here for me they are not to be unwrapped. +Just leave them on the porch, or in the library until I come home." + +"I wouldn't touch one of them with a pair of tongs," I assured him. + +"See that you don't," he returned, hanging the key up, and hastily +kissing me. "Now I've got to run for it." + +He hurried down the stairs and out of the front door. I stood looking +after him with a smile of tender amusement. + +The day after Dicky's purchases arrived he rose early. + +"No studio for me today," he announced. "Can you get hold of that man +who helped you clean up here? I want an able-bodied man for several +hours today." + +"I think so," I returned quietly, and going to the telephone, soon +returned with the assurance that William-of-the-wide-grin would +shortly be at the house. + +"That's fine," commented Dicky. "And now I want you and mother to get +out of the way after breakfast. Go for a walk or a drive or anything +go you are not around. I want to surprise you this afternoon. I'll bet +that room will make your eyes stick out when you see it." + +I had a wonderful tramp through the woods, enjoying it so much that it +was after four o'clock when I finally returned home. Dicky greeted me +exuberantly. + +"Come along now," he commanded, rushing me upstairs. "Come, mother!" + +The elder Mrs. Graham appeared at the door of her room, curiosity +and disapproval struggling with each other in her face. But curiosity +triumphed. With a protesting snort she followed us to the door of the +locked room. Dicky unlocked the door with a flourish and stood aside +for us to enter. + +I gasped as I caught my first sight of the transformed room. Dicky had +not exaggerated--it was wonderful. + +The paper had been taken from the walls, and they and the ceiling had +been painted a soft gray with just a touch of blue in its tint. The +woodwork was ivory-tinted throughout, while the floor was painted a +deeper shade of the gray that covered the walls. + +Almost covering the floor was a gorgeous Chinese rug with wonderful +splashes of blue through it. I knew it must be an imitation of one +costing a fortune, but I realized that Dicky must have paid a pretty +penny even for the counterfeit, for the coloring and design were +cleverly done. + +The blue of the rug was reproduced in every detail of the room. The, +window, draperies, of thin, Oriental fabric, had bands of Chinese +embroidered silk cunningly sewed on them. These bands carried out in +the azure groundwork and the golden threads the motif of the rug. The +cushions, which were everywhere in evidence, were made of the same +embroidered silk which banded the window draperies, while blue strips +of the same material were thrown carelessly over a teakwood table and, +a chest of drawers. + +A chaise lounge of bamboo piled with cushions stood underneath the +windows, which commanded a view of the rolling woodland and meadows +I had found so beautiful. Three chairs of the same material completed +the furnishings of the room, save for a wonderful Chinese screen +reaching almost from the ceiling to the floor, which hid a single iron +bed, painted white, of the type used in hospitals, a small bureau, +also painted white, and a shaving mirror. + +"Don't want any junk about my sleeping quarters," Dicky explained, as +I looked behind the screen. + +"Well, what do you think of it?" he demanded at last, in a hurt tone, +as I finished my inspection of the walls, which were almost covered +with the originals of Dicky's best magazine illustrations, framed in +narrow, black strips of wood. + +"It is truly wonderful, Dicky," I returned, trying to make my voice +enthusiastic. + +I could have raved over the room, for I did think it exquisitely +beautiful, had not my woman's intuition detected that another hand +than Dicky's had helped in its preparation. + +Only a woman's cunning fingers could have fashioned the curtains and +the cushions I saw in profusion about the room. I knew her identity +before Dicky, after pointing out in detail every article of which he +was so proud, said hesitatingly: + +"I wish, Madge, you would telephone Miss Draper and ask her to run +over tomorrow and see the room. You see, I was so anxious to surprise +you that I did not want to have you do any of the work, and she kindly +did all of this needlework for me. I know she is very curious to see +how her work looks." + +"Of course, I will telephone Miss Draper if you wish it, Dicky, but +don't you think you ought to do it yourself? She is your employee, not +mine, and I never have seen her but twice in my life." + +I flatter myself that my voice was as calm as if I had not the +slightest emotional interest in the topic I was discussing. But in +reality I was furiously angry. And I felt that I had reason to be. + +"Now, that's a nice, catty thing to say!" Dicky exploded wrathfully. +"Hope you feel better, now you've got it off your chest. And you can +just trot right along and telephone her yourself. Gee! you haven't +been a martyr for months, have you?" + +When Dicky takes that cutting, ironical tone, it fairly maddens me. I +could not trust myself to speak, so I turned quickly and went out of +the room which had become suddenly hateful to me, and found refuge in +my own. + +My exit was not so swift, however, but that I overheard words of my +mother-in-law's, which were to remain in my mind. + +"Richard," she exclaimed angrily, "you ought to be ashamed of +yourself. You act like a silly fool over this model of yours. What +business did you have asking her to do this needlework for you in the +first place? You ought to have known Margaret would not like it." + +I did not hear Dicky's reply, for I had reached my own room, and, +closing and locking the door, I sat down by the window until I should +be able to control my words and actions. + +For one thing I had determined. I would not have a repetition of +the scenes which Dicky's temper and my own sensitiveness had made of +almost daily occurrence in the earlier months of our marriage. I could +not bring myself to treat Grace Draper with the friendliness which +Dicky appeared to wish from me, but at least I could keep from +unseemly squabbling about her. + +But my heart was heavy with misgiving concerning this friendship of +Dicky's for his beautiful model, as I opened my door and went down the +hall to Dicky's room. My mother-in-law's voice interrupted me. + +"Come in here a minute," she said abruptly, as she trailed her flowing +negligee past me into the living room. + +As I followed her in, wondering, she closed the door behind her. I +saw with amazement that her face was pale, her lips quivering with +emotion. + +"Child," she said, laying her hand with unwonted gentleness on my +shoulder. "I want you to know that I entirely disapprove of this +invitation which Richard has asked you to extend. Of course, you must +use your own judgment in the matter, and it may be wise for you to +do as he asks. But I want to be sure that you are not influenced by +anything I may have said in the past about not opposing Richard in his +whims. + +"He is going too far in this thing," she went on. "I cannot counsel +you. Each woman has to solve these problems for herself. But it may +help you to know that I went through all this before you were born." + +She turned swiftly and went up to her room again. + +Dicky's father! She must mean her life with him! In a sudden, swift, +pitying gleam of comprehension, I saw why my mother-in-law was +so crabbed and disagreeable. Life had embittered her. I wondered +miserably if my life with her son would leave similar marks upon my +own soul. + + + + +XXIV + +A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + +I do not believe I shall ever know greater happiness than was mine +in the weeks following Grace Draper's first visit to our Marvin home. +Many times I looked back to that night when I had lain sobbing on my +bed, fighting the demon of jealousy and gasped in amazement at my own +folly. + +That evening had ended in Dicky's arms on our moonlight veranda, and +ever since he had been the royal lover of the honeymoon days, which +had preceded our first quarrel. I wondered vaguely sometimes if he +had guessed the wild grief and jealousy which had consumed me on that +night, but if he had any inkling of it he made no sign. + +Grace Draper had gone out of our lives temporarily. + +If I had needed reassurance as to Dicky's real feeling for her, the +manner in which he told me the news of her going would have given it +to me. + +"Blast the luck," he growled one evening, after reading a manuscript +which he had been commissioned to illustrate. "Here's something I'll +need Draper for, and she's 200 miles away. I ought to have known +better than to let her go." + +The tone and words were exactly what he would have used if the girl +had been a man or boy in his employ. Even in my surprise at his news, +I recognized this, and my heart leaped exultantly. I was careful, +however, to keep my voice nonchalant. + +"Why, has Miss Draper gone away?" I asked. + +"Oh, that's so, I didn't tell you," he returned carelessly, looking +up from the manuscript. "Yes, she went away two days ago. She has a +grandmother, or aunt, or old party of some kind, down in Pennsylvania, +who is sick and has sent for her. Guess the old girl has scads of coin +tucked away somewhere, and Draper thinks she'd better be around when +the aged relative passes in her checks. Bet a cooky she won't die at +that, but if she's going to, I wish she'd hurry up about it. I need +Draper badly, and she won't be back until the old girl either croaks +or gets better." + +Under other circumstances, the callousness of this speech, the +coarseness of some of the expressions, the calling of Miss Draper by +her surname, would have grated upon me. But I was too rejoiced both at +the girl's departure and the matter of fact way in which Dicky took it +to be captious about the language in which he couched the news of her +going. + +"Grace Draper is gone, is gone." The words set themselves to a little +tune, which lilted in my brain. I felt as if the only obstacle to my +enjoyment of our summer in the country had been removed. + +How I did revel in the long, beautiful summer days! Dicky appeared +to have a great deal of leisure, in contrast to the days crowded with +work, which had been his earlier in the spring. + +"Each year I work like the devil in the spring so as to have the +summer, June especially, comparatively free," he exclaimed one day +when I commented on the fact that he had been to his studio but twice +during the week. + +I had dreamed in my girlhood of vacations like the one I was enjoying, +but the dream had never been fulfilled before. Dicky had fixed up a +tennis court on the, grassy stretch of lawn at the left of the house, +and we played every day. Two horses from the livery were brought +around two mornings each week, and, after a few trials, I was able to +take comparatively long rides with Dicky through the exquisite country +surrounding Marvin. + +Our motor boat trips were frequent also, although Dicky found that it +was more convenient to rent one when he wished it than to enter into +any ownership arrangement with any one else. + +Automobile trips, in which his mother joined us, long rambles through +the woods and meadows which we took alone, little dinners at the +numberless shore resorts, all these made a whirl of enjoyment for me +unlike anything I had ever known. + +I was careful to cater to my mother-in-law's wishes in every way I +could. Either because of my attentions or of the beautiful summer +days, she was much softened in manner, so that there was no +unpleasantness anywhere. + +"This is the bulliest vacation I ever spent," Dicky said one evening, +after a long tramp through the woods. It was one of the frequent +chilly evenings of a Long Island summer, when a fire is most +acceptable. Katie had built a glorious fire of dry wood in the living +room fireplace, and after dinner we stretched out lazily before +it, Mother Graham and I in arm chairs, Dicky on a rug with cushions +bestowed comfortably around him. + +"I am naturally very glad to hear that," I said, demurely, and Dicky +laughed aloud. + +"That's right, take all the credit to yourself," he said, teasingly. +Then as he saw a shadow on my face, for I never have learned to take +his banter lightly, he added in a tone meant for my ear alone: + +"But you are the real reason why it's so bully, old top." + +The very next day, Dicky and I went for a long walk. + +We had nearly reached the harbor, when I saw Dicky start suddenly, +gaze fixedly at some one across the road, and then lift his hat in a +formal, unsmiling greeting. My eyes followed his, and met the cool, +half-quizzical ones of Grace Draper. She was accompanied by a tall, +very good-looking youth, who was bending toward her so assiduously +that he did not see us at all. + +"Why! I didn't know Miss Draper had returned," I said, wondering why +Dicky had kept the knowledge from me. + +"I didn't know it myself," Dicky answered, frowning. "Queer, she +wouldn't call me up. Wonder who that jackanapes with her is, anyway." + +Dicky was moody all the rest of the trip. I know that he has the most +easily wounded feelings of any one in the world, and naturally he +resented the fact that the beautiful model, whom he had befriended and +who was his secretary and studio assistant, had returned from her trip +without letting him know she was at home. + +If I only could be sure that pique at an employee's failure to report +to him was at the bottom of his sulkiness! But the memory of the +good-looking youth who hung over the girl so assiduously was before my +eyes. I feared that the reason for Dicky's moody displeasure was the +presence of the unknown admirer of his beautiful model. + +Of course, all pleasure in the day's outing was gone for me also, +and we were a silent pair as we wandered in and out through the sandy +beaches. Dicky conscientiously, but perfunctorily, pointed out to +me all the things which he thought I would find interesting, and in +which, under any other circumstances, I should have revelled. + +In my resolution to be as chummy with Dicky as possible, I determined +to put down my own feelings toward Grace Draper. But it was an effort +for me to say what I wished to Dicky. We had chatted about many +things, and were nearly home, when I said timidly: + +"Dicky, now that Miss Draper is back, don't you think you and I ought +to call on her and her sister, and have them over to dinner?" + +Dicky frowned impatiently: + +"For heaven's sake, don't monkey with that old cat, Mrs. Gorman. She +is making trouble enough as it is." + +He bit his lip the next instant, as if he wished the words unsaid, +and, for a wonder, I was wise enough not to question him as to +the meaning of the little speech. But into my heart crept my own +particular little suspicious devil--always too ready to come, is this +small familiar demon of mine--and once there he stayed, continually +whispering ugly doubts and queries concerning the "trouble" that Mrs. +Gorman was making over her sister's intimate studio association with +my husband. + +My constant brooding affected my spirits. I found myself growing +irritable. The next day after Dicky and I had seen Miss Draper and her +attendant cavalier on the road to Marvin harbor, Dicky made a casual +reference at the table to the fact that she had returned to the studio +and her work as his secretary and model. + +"She said she called up the studio when she got in, and again +yesterday morning, but I was not in," he said. I realized that the +girl had cleverly soothed his resentment at her failure to notify him +that she had returned from her trip. + +Whether it was the result of my own irritability or not I do not know, +but Dicky seemed to grow more indifferent and absent-minded each day. +He was not irritable with me, he simply had the air of a man absorbed +in some pursuit and indifferent to everything else. + +Grace Draper's attitude toward me puzzled me also. She preserved +always the cool but courteous manner one would use to the most casual +acquaintance, yet she did not hesitate to avail herself of every +possible opportunity to come to the house. Then, two or three times +during the latter part of the summer, I found that she had managed to +join outings of ours. Whether this state of affairs was due to Dicky's +wishes or her own subtle planning I could not determine. + +I struggled hard with myself to treat the girl with friendliness, but +found it impossible. My manner toward her held as much reserve as was +compatible with formal courtesy. Of course, this did not please Dicky. + +Dicky was also developing an unusual sense of punctuality. I always +had thought him quite irresponsible concerning the keeping of his +appointments, and he never had any set time for arriving at his +studio. But he suddenly announced one morning that he must catch the +8:21 train every morning without fail. + +"The next one gets in too late," he said, "and I have a tremendous +amount of work on hand." + +The explanation was plausible enough, but there was something about it +that did not ring true. However, the solution of his sudden solicitude +for punctuality did not come to me until Mrs. Hoch, one of my +neighbors, called with her daughter, Celie, and enlightened me. + +"We just heard something we thought you ought to know," Celie began +primly, "so Ma and I hurried right over, so as to put you on your +guard." + +"Yes," sighed Mrs. Hoch, rocking vigorously as she spoke, "everybody +knows I'm no gossip. I believe if you can't say nothing good about +nobody, you should keep your mouth shut, but I says to Celie as soon +as I heard this, 'Celie,' says I, 'it's our duty to tell that poor +thing what we know.'" + +I started to speak, to stop whatever revelation she wished to make, +but I might as well have attempted to stem a torrent with a leaf +bridge. + +"We've heard things for a long time," Mrs. Hoch went on, "but we +didn't want to say nothin', 'specially as you seemed such friends, her +runnin' here and all. But we noticed she hain't been comin' lately, +and then our Willie, he hears things a lot over at the station, and +he says it's common talk over there that your husband and that Draper +girl are planning to elope. They take the same train every morning +together, come home on the same one at night, and they are as friendly +as anything." + +"Mrs. Hoch," I snapped out, "if I had known what you were going to +say, I would not have allowed you to speak. Your words are an insult +to my husband and myself. You will please to remember never to say +anything like this to me again." + +Mrs. Hoch rose to her feet, her face an unbecoming brick red. Her +daughter's black eyes snapped with anger. + +"Come, Celie," the elder woman said, "I don't stay nowhere to be +insulted, when all I've tried to do is give a little friendly warning +to a neighbor." + +Mother and daughter hurried down the path, chattering to each other, +like two angry squirrels. + +"Horrid, stuck-up thing," I heard Celie say spitefully, as they went +through the fence. "I hope Grace Draper does take him away from +her. She's got a nerve, I must say, talkin' to us like that. I don't +believe she cares anything about her husband, anyway." + +She might have changed her mind had she seen me fly to my room as soon +as she was safely out of sight, lock the door, and bury my face in the +pillows, that neither my mother-in-law nor Katie should hear the sobs +I could not repress. + +"Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!" I moaned. "Have I really lost you?" + +Of course I knew better than to believe the statement of the +elopement. I had seen and heard enough of village life to realize how +the slightest circumstance was magnified by the community loafers. +That Dicky and the girl took the same train, going and coming from +the city, was a fact borne out by my own observations. I had remarked +Dicky's regularity in catching the 8:21 in the mornings, something so +opposed to his usual unpunctual habits, and wondered why. Now I had +the solution. + +I told myself, dully, that I was not surprised; that I had really +known all along something like this was coming. My thoughts went +back to the night, a few weeks before, when I had suffered a similar +paroxysm of grief over Dicky's evident interest in the girl. Then all +my doubts and fears had been swept away in Dicky's arms on the +moonlit veranda. I caught my breath as I realized in all its miserable +certainty the impossibility of any such tender scene now. Dicky and I +seemed as far apart emotionally as the poles. + +But the determination I had reached that other night, before Dicky's +voice and caresses dispelled my doubts, I made my own again. There was +nothing for me to do but to wait quietly, with dignity, until I was +absolutely certain that Dicky no longer loved me. Then I would go +out of his life without scenes or recriminations. I would not lift a +finger to hold him. + +By the time I had gained control of myself once more, Dicky came home. + +"Letter for you," he said, "from the office of your old principal." + +He tossed it into my lap, eyeing it and me curiously. I knew that his +desire to know what was in it had made him remember to give it to me. +His mother, who had opened her door at his step, came forward eagerly. +I opened the letter, to find an offer of my old school position. My +principal wrote that the woman who was appointed to the position had +been suddenly taken ill and could not possibly fill it. He asked me +to write him my decision at once, as it was within a few days of the +opening of the school. + +Mechanically, I read it aloud. My brain was whirling. I wondered if, +perhaps, this was the way out for me. If Dicky really did not love me +any longer, I ought to accept this position, even if by taking it I +broke my agreement with the Lotus Study Club. + +I did not like the thought of leaving the women who had thus honored +me, but, on the other hand, if Dicky and I were to come to the parting +of the ways, I could not refuse this rare chance to get back into the +work I had left for his sake. + +I decided to be guided by his attitude. If he were opposed to my +course, I would know that my actions had ceased to be resentful to +him, and I would accept the position. But if he showed willingness at +the proposition-- + +I did not have long to wait. As I lifted my eyes to his face, when I +had finished reading the letter I saw the old familiar black frown on +his face. I never had thought that my heart would leap with joy at +the sight of Dicky's frown, but it did. Before either of us could say +anything, his mother spoke: + +"Isn't it splendid? You are a most fortunate woman, Margaret, to be +able to step back into a position like that. If it had come earlier, +when my health was so poor, you could not have taken it. Now you can +accept it, for I am perfectly able to run the house. You, of course, +will write your acceptance at once." + +She paused. I knew she expected me to reply. But I closed my lips +firmly. Dicky should be the one to decide this. He did it with +thoroughness. + +"I thought we settled all this rot last spring," he said. "Mother, I +don't want to be disrespectful, but this is my business and Madge's, +not yours. You will refuse, of course, Madge." + +He turned to me in the old imperious manner. Months before I should +have resented it. Now I revelled in it. Dicky cared enough about me, +whether from pride or love, to resent my going back to my work. + +"If you wish it, Dicky," I said quietly. He turned a grateful look at +me. Then his mother's voice sounded imperiously in our ears. + +"I think you have said quite enough, Richard," she said, with icy +dignity. "Will you kindly telegraph Elizabeth that I shall start +for home tomorrow? I certainly shall not stay in a house where I am +flouted as I have been this morning." + + + + +XXV + +PLAYING THE GAME + + +The big house seemed very lonely to me after my mother-in-law's abrupt +departure. I had not dreamed that I could possibly miss the older +woman's companionship, especially after her hateful behavior +concerning my refusal of the school position. + +But when she had left, in dignified dudgeon, for a visit with her +daughter, Elizabeth, I realized that I had come to like her, to +depend upon her companionship more than I had thought possible. If the +country had not been so beautiful I would have proposed going back to +the city. But the tall hedges inclosing the old place were so fresh +and green, the rolling woodland view from my chamber window so +restful, my beds of dahlias, cosmos, marigolds and nasturtiums so +brilliant that I could not bring myself to leave it. + +If I had not had the vague uneasiness concerning Dicky I could have +been perfectly happy in spite of the loneliness. But my uneasiness +concerning Dicky's friendship with Grace Draper was deepening to real +alarm and anger. I had nothing more tangible than the neighborhood +gossip, which I had so thoroughly repulsed when it was offered me +by Mrs. Hoch and her daughter. But Dicky was becoming more and more +distrait, and when he would allow nothing to keep him from taking +the morning train on which Miss Draper traveled to the studio, I +remembered that when we had first come to Marvin he had taken any +forenoon train he happened to choose. + +The second morning after his mother's departure, Dicky almost missed +kissing me good-by in his mad haste to catch his train. He rushed out +of the door after a most perfunctory peck at my cheek, and I saw him +almost running down the little lane bordered with wild flowers that +led "across lots" to the railroad station. + +"I cannot bear this any longer," I muttered to myself, clenching my +hands, as I saw the Hochs, mother and daughter, watching him from +their screened porch, and imagined their satirical comments on his +eagerness to make the train. + +I sat listlessly on the veranda for an hour. Then the ringing of the +telephone roused me. As I took down the receiver I heard the droning +of the long distance operator: "Is this Marvin, 971?" and at my +affirmative answer the husky voice of Lillian Underwood. + +"Hello, my dear." Her voice had the comforting warmth which it had +held for me ever since the memorable day when by her library fire we +had resurrected the secret which her past life and Dicky's shared. +We had buried it again, smoothed out all our misunderstandings in the +process and been sworn friends ever since. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood!" My voice was almost a peal of joy. "I am so glad +to hear your voice." + +"Are you very busy? Is there anything you cannot leave for the day?" +She was direct as usual. + +"Only the dog and cat and Katie," I answered. + +"Good. Then what train can you get into town, and where can I meet +you? I want you to lunch with me. I have something important to talk +over with you." + +I hastily consulted my watch. "If I hurry I can catch the 10:21. Where +can I see you? The train reaches the Pennsylvania at 11 o'clock." + +"I'll be in the woman's waiting room at the Pennsylvania, not the Long +Island; the main waiting room. Look for me there. Good-by." + +As soon as I caught sight of Lillian I knew that something was the +matter, or she would not look at me in that way. Impulsively I laid my +hand on hers. + +"Tell me, Mrs. Underwood, is anything the matter?" + +She imprisoned my hand in both of hers and patted it. + +"Nothing that cannot be helped, my dear," she said determinedly. "Now +I am going to forbid asking another question until we have had our +luncheon. I decline to discuss the affairs of the nation or my own on +an empty stomach, and my breakfast this morning consisted of the juice +of two lemons and a small cup of coffee." + +"Why?" I asked mechanically, although I knew the answer. + +"The awful penalty of trying to keep one's figure," she returned +lightly. "But I certainly am going to break training this noon. I am +simply starved." + +Her tone and words were reassuring, although I still felt there was +something behind her light manner which intimately concerned me. But I +had learned to count on her downright honesty, and her words, "Nothing +that cannot be helped, my dear," steadied me, gave me hope that no +matter what trouble she had to tell me, she had also a panacea for it. + +We discussed our luncheon leisurely. Under the influence of the +bracing air, the beautiful view, the delicious viands, I gradually +forgot my worries, or at least pushed them back into a corner of my +brain. + +As we lingered over the ices, Lillian leaned over the table to me. + +"Will you do me a favor?" she asked abruptly. + +"Try me," I smiled back at her. + +"Ask me to your home for a week's stay. I have an idea you need my +fine Italian hand at work about now." + +I looked at her wonderingly, then I began to tremble. + +"Don't look like that," she commanded sharply. "Nothing dreadful is +the matter, but that Dicky bird of yours needs his wings clipped a +bit, and I think I am the person to apply the shears." + +So there was something wrong with Dicky after all! + +"Of course, it's that Draper cat," said Lillian Underwood, and the +indignation in her voice was a salve to my wounded pride. + +"Then you know," I faltered. + +"Of course, I know, you poor child; know, too, how distressed you +have been, although Dicky doesn't dream that I gathered that from his +ingenuous plea for the lady." + +My brain whirled. Dicky making an ingenuous plea to Lillian Underwood +for his protégé, Grace Draper! I could not understand it. + +"If Dicky has spoken of my feeling toward Miss Draper, even to you," I +began stormily, feeling every instinct outraged. + +"Don't, dear child." Mrs. Underwood reached her firm, cool hand across +the table, and put it over my hot, trembling fingers. "You can't fight +this thing by getting angry, or by jumping at conclusions. Now, listen +to me." + +There was a peremptory note in her voice that I was glad to obey. I +resolved not to interrupt her again. + +"Don't misunderstand me," she went on, "and please don't be angry when +I say you are about as able to cope with the situation as a new born +baby would be. That's the reason why I want you to let me come down +and be a big sister to you. Will you?" + +"Of course. You know I will," I returned. "But won't Dicky resent--" + +"Dicky won't dream what I'm doing," she retorted tartly, "and when he +does wake up I'll take care of him." + +Always the note of domination of Dicky! Always the calm assumption, +which I knew was justified, that no matter what she did he would not, +remain angry at her! It spoke much for the real liking I felt for +Lillian Underwood that the old resentment I felt for this condition of +things was gone forever. I knew that she was my friend even more than +Dicky's, and her history had revealed to me to what lengths she would +go in loyalty to a friend. + +"You see," she went on, "If the Draper woman were the ordinary type of +model there would be no problem at all. Dicky has always been a sort +of Sir Galahad of the studios and he had been too proud to engage +in even a slight flirtation with any girl in his employ. He is very +sincerely in love with you, too, and that safeguards him from any +influence that is not quite out of the ordinary. + +"But I tell you this Draper girl is a person to be reckoned with. +She is hard as nails, beautiful as the devil, and I believe her to be +perfectly unscrupulous. She is as interested in Dicky as she can be +in any one outside herself, and I think she would like to smash things +generally just to gratify her own egotism." + +"You mean--" I forced the words through stiff lips. + +"I mean she is trying her best to make Dicky fall in love with her, +but she isn't going to succeed." + +"But I am afraid she has succeeded!" The wail broke from me almost +without my own volition. + +"Why?" The monosyllable was sharp with anxiety. + +I knew better than to keep my part of the story from her. I told her +of Dicky's growing coldness to me, his anxiety to get the train upon +which Miss Draper traveled, the neighborhood gossip, his determination +not to have me meet her sister. I also laid bare the coldness with +which I had treated the girl, and my determination never to say a word +which would lead Dicky to believe I was jealous of her. + +When I had finished Lillian leaned back in her chair and laughed +lightly. + +"Is that all?" she demanded. "I thought you had something really +serious to tell me. If you'll do exactly as I tell you we'll beat this +game hands down." + +"I'll do just as you say," I responded, although it humiliated me to +be put in the position of trying to beat any game, the stake of which +was my husband's affections. + +"Well, then, that is settled," she said, rising. "Now, for the first +gun of the campaign. Call Dicky up, tell him you just lunched with me, +and you are ready to go home any time he is." + +"Oh, I can't do that," I said. "I couldn't bear to feel that he might +prefer to take the train with her." + +Lillian came to my side, gripped my shoulder hard, and looked into my +eyes grimly. + +"See here," she said, "are you going to be a baby or a woman in this +thing?" + +I swallowed hard. I knew she was right. + +"I'll do whatever you wish," I responded meekly. + +So I called Dicky on the telephone, and after explaining my unexpected +presence in town, arranged to meet him at the station and go home with +him. + +"Sounds as if we were going to dine with Friend Husband," said +Lillian, as I hung up the receiver. + +"Yes, we are going home by trolley from Jamaica. It ought to be a +beautiful trip. Dicky must have been thinking of such a trip before, +for he told me there was a train to Jamaica at five minutes of four +which connects with the trolley, and he usually gets mixed on the +schedule of the trains from Marvin." + +"What's that?" Lillian stopped short, then turned the subject. "How +would you like to go down to the station on top of a bus?" she asked, +"or would you prefer a taxi?" + +"The bus by all means," I returned. + +"I see we are kindred souls," she said. "I dote on a bus ride myself." + +We were within a few blocks of the railroad station when she said: + +"I hope I am mistaken, but I think Miss Draper will be a member of +your trolley trip home, and I want you to be prepared to act as if it +were the thing you most desired." + +"If you are right, I will not go," I said, a cold fury at my heart. "I +will take the next train home." + +"You will do no such thing." Lillian's voice was imperative. "You +promised you would let me be your big sister in this thing, and you've +got to let me run it my way!" + +"See here, my dear," her tones were caressing now. "You must use the +weapons of a woman of the world in this situation, not those of an +unsophisticated girl. The primitive woman from the East Side would +waltz in and destroy the beauty of any lady she found philandering, +however innocently, with her spouse. The proud, sensitive, +inexperienced woman would have done just what you have contemplated, +go home alone and ignore the wanderers. But, my dear, you must do +neither of those things. You cannot afford to play in Draper's hand +like that." + +"Tell me what I must do," I said wearily. + +"In a minute. First let me put you right on one question. Dicky is not +in love with this girl yet. If he were, he would not wish any meeting +between you and her. He is interested and attracted, of course, as +any impressionable man with an eye for beauty would be if thrown in +constant companionship with her. And, forgive me, but I am sure you +have taken the wrong tack about it. + +"You must dissemble, act a part, meet her feminine wiles with sharper +weapons. Now you have been cold to her, avoided seeing her when +possible, and while not quarreling with Dicky about her, yet +evidencing your disapproval of her in many little ways." + +"It is quite true," I answered miserably. + +"Then turn over a new leaf right now. You may be sure at this minute +that Dicky is worrying more over your attitude toward this trip than +he is over Miss Draper's dimples. He expects you to have a grouch. +Give him a surprise. Greet the lady smilingly, express your pleasure +at having her companionship on your trip, but manage to register +delicately your surprise at her being one of the party. No, better +leave that part to me. You do the pleasant greeting, I'll put over the +catty stuff. But on your honor, until I see you again, will you put +down your feelings and cultivate Grace Draper, letting your attitude +change slowly, so Dicky will suspect nothing?" + +"I'll try," I said faintly. + +"You'll do it," she returned bluntly. "I want her to be almost a +member of the family by the time I get there." + + * * * * * + +The trip by trolley with my husband and Grace Draper through the +beautiful country lying between Jamaica and Hempstead will always +remain in my memory as a turning point in my ideas of matrimony and +its problems. + +Lillian Underwood's talk with me had destroyed all my previous +conceptions of dignified wifely behavior in the face of a problem like +mine. + +So all during the journey home through the fragrant September air, I +paid as much attention to my role of calm friendliness as any actress +would to a first night appearance. Remembering Lillian's advice to +make the transition gradual from the frigid courtesy of my former +meetings with Grace Draper to the friendly warmth we had planned +for our campaign, I adopted the manner one would use to a casual but +interesting acquaintance. + +I kept the conversational ball rolling on almost every topic under the +sun. But I found that the burden of the talk fell on my shoulders. The +girl was plainly uneasy and puzzled at my manner. Dicky's thoughts +I could not fathom, I caught his eyes fixed on me once or twice with +admiration and a touch of bewilderment in them, but he said very +little. + +It was a wonderful night; warm, with the languor of September, +fragrant with the heavy odors of ripening fruit and the late autumn +blossoms. There was no moon, but the long summer twilight had not +yielded entirely to the darkness and the stars were especially bright. + +A night for lovers, for vows given and returned, it was this, if ever +a night was. What a wonderful journey this would have been for me if +only this other woman was not on the other side of my husband! Then +with savage resentment I realized that she might also be thinking what +possibilities the evening would have held for her if I had not been a +third on the little journey. + +Whatever Dicky was thinking I dared not guess. Whatever it was, I was +sure that his thoughts were not dangerously charged with emotion +as were mine and Grace Draper's. I was fiercely glad of his +irresponsibility for the first time. + +"Come on, girls. Here's Crest Haven. I've got a brilliant idea. We'll +get one of these open flivvers they have at the station and motor to +Marvin luxuriously. Beats waiting for the train all hollow." + +I opened my lips to protest against the extravagance, then closed them +without speaking, flushing hotly at the danger I had escaped. Nothing +would have so embarrassed Dicky and delighted Miss Draper as any +display of financial prudence on my part. + +"Oh, Mr. Graham, how wonderful!" Miss Draper gave the impression of +finding her voice mislaid somewhere about her, and deciding suddenly +to use it. "This is just the night for a motor ride." + +Her voice matched the night, cooing, languorous, seductive. I knew +if she had voiced her real thoughts she would have willed that I +be dropped anywhere by the roadside, so that she might have the +enchanting solitude of the ride with Dicky. + +A daring thought flashed into my brain as we stepped into the taxi. +Why not pretend to play into her hand? It would prove to both Dicky +and her that I was indifferent to their close friendship. And I was +secretly anxious to see what way Dicky would reply to my proposition. + +"Dear," I said with emotion, I fancy just the right note of conjugal +tenderness in my voice. "Won't you drop me at the house first before +you take Miss Draper home? I'm afraid I am getting a headache. I've +had a rather strenuous day with Lillian, you know, and I really am +very tired. You will excuse me, I am sure, Miss Draper. I'll try never +to quit like this again. But my headaches are not to be trifled with." + +"I am so sorry." Her voice was conventional, but I caught the under +note of joy. "Of course I will excuse you." + +"Are you sure the ride over there wouldn't do your head good, Madge?" + +"Oh, no, Dicky, I feel that I must get home quickly. But that does not +need to affect your plans. Katie is at home. I do not need you in the +least. Go right along and enjoy your ride. I only wish I felt like +doing it, too." + +I fairly held my breath the rest of the ride. Dicky had not replied to +my suggestion. What would he do when we reached the house? + +The taxi sped along over the smooth roads, turned up the driveway +at the side of the house and halted before the steps of the veranda. +Dicky sprang out, gave his hand to me, and then turned to the driver. + +"Take this lady to Marvin," he said. "She will tell you the street. +How much do I owe you?" + +"One dollar and a half." + +I knew the charge was excessive, but I also knew enough to hold my +tongue about it. Dicky paid the man and spoke to the girl inside. + +"Good night, Miss Draper. You see you will have to enjoy the ride for +both of us." + +"Oh, Dicky!" I protested, but with a fierce little thrill of triumph +at my heart. "This is a shame. Honestly, I do not need you. Go on over +with Miss Draper." + +"Of course he will do no such thing." The girl spoke with finality. I +could imagine the storm of jealous rage that was swaying her. "There +is nothing else for Mr. Graham to do but to stay with you." Her tone +added, "You have compelled him to do so against his will." + +She leaned from the cab. Her face looked ethereally beautiful in the +faint light. I knew she meant to make Dicky regret that he could not +accompany her. + +"Good night," she said sweetly. "I am so sorry you do not feel well. I +sincerely hope you will be better in the morning." + +But as the taxi rolled away, my heart beating a triumphant +accompaniment to the roll of its wheels, I knew she was wishing me +every malevolent thing possible. + +I was glad she could not guess the bitter taste in my cup of victory. +Long after Dicky was asleep, I lay on my porch bed looking out at the +stars and debating over and over the question: + +"Did Dicky refuse to accompany Grace Draper to her home because of +consideration for me, or because he was afraid to trust himself alone +with her?" + + + + +XXVI + +A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + +"Ah! Mrs. Graham, this is an unexpected pleasure." + +Dr. Pettit's eyes looked down into my own with an expression that +emphasized the words he had just uttered. His outstretched hand +clasped mine warmly, his impressive greeting embarrassed me a bit, and +I turned instinctively toward Dicky to see if he had noticed the young +physician's extraordinarily cordial greeting. + +But this I had no opportunity to discover, for as I turned, a taxi +drew up to the curb where the Underwoods--who had come down to spend +the promised week with us--Dicky and I were waiting for the little +Crest Haven Beach trolley and Dicky sprang to meet Grace Draper and +the Durkees--Alfred Durkee and his mother, who completed our party for +the motor boat trip. + +"I am very glad to see you, Dr. Pettit," I murmured conventionally, +then hurriedly: "Pardon me a moment, I must greet these guests. I will +be back." + +When I turned again to him after welcoming Grace Draper with forced +friendliness, and the Durkees with the real warmth of liking I felt +for them, I found him talking to Lillian. + +Dr. Pettit, it appeared, was waiting for the same car we wished to +take, and no one looking at our friendly chatting group would have +known that he did not belong to the party. + +It was when we were all seated comfortably in the trolley, bowling +merrily along over the grass-strewn track, that Lillian voiced a +suggestion which had sprung into my own mind, but to which I did not +quite know how to give utterance. + +"Look here," she said brusquely, "I'm not the hostess of this party, +but I'm practically one of the family, so I feel free to issue an +invitation if I wish. Dr. Pettit, what's the matter with you joining +our party for the day? Dicky here has been howling for another man to +help lug the grub all morning. Unless you are set on a solitary day +that man 'might as well be you'"--she punctuated the parody with a +mocking little moue. + +I had a sneaking little notion that Dicky would have been glad of the +opportunity to box Lillian's ears for her suggestion. I do not think +he enjoyed the idea of adding Dr. Pettit to the party, but, of course, +in view of what she had said there was nothing for him to do but to +pretend a cordial acquiescence in her suggestion. + +"That's the very thing," he said, with a heartiness which only I, and +possibly Lillian, could dream was assumed. "Lil, you do occasionally +have a gleam of human intelligence, don't you? + +"I do hope that you have no plan that will interfere with coming with +us," he said to the physician. "We have a big boat chartered down here +at the beach, and we're going to loaf along out to one of the 'desert +islands' and camp for the day." + +"That sounds like a most interesting program," said the young +physician. His voice held a note of hesitation, and he looked swiftly, +inquiringly, at me and back again. It was so carelessly done that I do +not think any one noticed it, but I realized that he was waiting for +me to join my voice to the invitation. + +"Well, Dr. Pettit," Dicky came up at this juncture, "out for the day?" + +His tone was cordial enough, but I, who knew every inflection of +Dicky's voice, realized that he did not relish the appearance of Dr. +Pettit upon the scene. + +"Yes, I'm going down to the shore for a dip," the young physician +returned. And then without the stiff dignity which I had seen in his +professional manner, he acknowledged the introductions which I gave +him to Grace Draper and the Durkees. + +"I trust you will think it interesting enough to make it worth +your while to join us," I said demurely, lifting my eyes to his and +catching a swift flash of something which might be either relief or +triumph in his steely gray ones. + +"Indeed, I shall be very glad to accompany you," he said, smiling. + +Our boat, a large, comfortable one, built on lines of usefulness, +rather than beauty, slipped over the dancing blue waters of the bay +like an enchanted thing. A neat striped awning was stretched over the +rear of the boat beneath which we lounged at ease. + +The boat sped on as lazily as our idle conversation, and finally we +came in sight of a gleaming beach of sand, with seaweed so luxuriantly +tangled that it looked like small clumps of bushes, with the calm, +still water of the bay on one side, and the lazily rolling surf on the +other. + +"Behold our desert island!" Dicky exclaimed dramatically, springing to +his feet. + +Jim ran the boat skilfully up on the beach and grounded her. Harry +Underwood stepped forward to assist me ashore, but Dr. Pettit, with +unobtrusive quickness, was before him. + +As I laid my hand in that of the young physician, Harry Underwood gave +a hoarse stage laugh. "I told you so," he croaked maliciously; "I knew +I had a rival on my hands." + +As Harry Underwood uttered his jibing little speech, Dicky raised his +head and looked fixedly at me. It was an amazed, questioning look, one +that had in it something of the bewilderment of a child. In another +instant he had turned away to answer a question of Grace Draper's. + +I felt my heart beating madly. Was Dicky really taking notice of the +attentions which Harry Underwood and Dr. Pettit were bestowing upon +me? I had not time to ponder long, however, for Lillian Underwood +seized my arm almost as soon as we stepped on shore and walked me away +until we were out of earshot of the others. + +"Did you see Dicky's face," she demanded breathlessly, "when Harry and +that lovely doctor of yours were doing the rival gallant act? It was +perfectly lovely to see his lordship so puzzled. That doctor friend of +yours was certainly sent by Providence just at this time. Just keep up +a judicious little flirtation with him and I'll wager that before +the week's out Dicky will have forgotten such a girl as Grace Draper +exists." + +If it had not been for the memory of Lillian's advice ringing in +my ears, I think I should have much astonished Dr. Pettit and Harry +Underwood when they started into the surf with me. + +The whole situation was most annoying to me. And, besides, it was +so unutterably silly! I might have been any foolish school girl of +seventeen, with a couple of immature youths vying for my smiles, for +any reserve or dignity there was in the situation. + +My fingers itched to astonish each of the smirking men with a sound +box on the ear. But my fiercest anger was against Dicky. If he had +been properly attentive to me, Mr. Underwood and Dr. Pettit would have +had no opportunity, indeed would not have dared, to pay me the idiotic +compliments, or to offer the silly attentions they had given me. + +But Dicky and Grace Draper were romping in the surf, like two +children, splashing water over each other, and running hand in hand +toward the place far out on the sand--for it was low tide--where they +could swim. + +They might have been alone on the beach for anything their appearance +showed to the contrary. And yet as I gazed I saw Dicky look past the +girl in my direction, with a quick, furtive, watching glance. + +As they went farther into the surf, he sent another glance over his +shoulder toward me. + +As I caught it, guessing that in all his apparent interest in Grace +Draper he was yet watching me and my behavior, something seemed to +snap in my brain. + +I would give him something to watch! + +With a swift movement I slipped a little bit away from the two men by +my side, and, filling my hands with water, splashed it full into the +face of Harry Underwood. + +"Dare you to play blind man's buff," I said gayly, sending another +handful into Dr. Pettit's face, and then slipping adroitly to one side +I laughed with, I fancy, as much mischief as any hoyden of sixteen +could have put into her voice, at the picture the men made trying to +get the salt water out of their eyes. + +I had no compunctions on the score of their discomfort, for I felt +that I had a score to settle with each of them. The way in which each +took my rudeness, however, was characteristic of the men. + +Harry Underwood's face grew black for a minute, then it cleared and he +laughed boisterously. + +"You little devil," he said, "I'll pay you for that. Ever get kissed +under water? Well, that's what will happen to you before this day is +over." + +Dr. Pettit's face did not change, but into his gray eyes came a +little steely glint. He said nothing, only smiled at me. But there was +something about both smile and eyes that made me more uncomfortable +than Harry Underwood's bizarre threat. + +I was so unskilled in this game of banter and flirtation that I was at +a loss what to say. Recklessly I grasped at the first thing which came +into my mind. + +"You'll have to catch me first," I said, daringly, and turning, ran +swiftly out toward the open sea. I am only a fair swimmer, but the sea +was unusually calm, so that I went much farther than I otherwise would +have dared. + +When I found the water getting too deep for walking I started +swimming. As I swam I looked over my shoulder. The two men were +following me, both swimming easily. Dr. Pettit was in the lead, but +Harry Underwood, with powerful strokes, was not far behind him. I +concluded that Dr. Pettit had been the swifter runner, but that the +other man was the better swimmer. + +As I saw them coming toward me, I realized that I had given them a +challenge which each in his own way would probably take up. I was +dismayed. I felt that I could not bear the touch of either man's hand. + +In another moment my punishment had come. + +Dr. Pettit overtook me, stretched out his hand, just touched me with +a caressing, protecting little gesture, and said in a low tone, "Don't +be afraid, little girl: If you will accord me the privilege, I will +see that your friend does not get a chance of fulfilling his threat." + +I knew that he intended his words for my ear alone, but he had not +counted on Harry Underwood's quick ear. That gentleman swam lazily +toward us, saying as he passed us, with a malicious little grin: + +"Better go slow upon that protecting-heroine-from-villain stunt. I see +Friend Husband is getting a bit restless." + +He forged on into the surf, with long, powerful strokes that yet had +the curious appearance of indolence which invests every action of his. + +Startled at his words, I looked toward the place where I had last seen +Dicky romping in the waves with Grace Draper. + +The girl was swimming by herself. Dicky, with rapid strokes, was +coming toward us. + +"For the love of heaven, Madge!" he said, angrily, as he came up to +us. "Haven't you any more sense than to come away out here? This sea +is calm, but it is treacherous, and you are farther out than you have +ever gone before. Come back with me this minute." + +The sight of Grace Draper swimming by herself gave me an inspiration. +The game which Lillian had advised me to play was certainly +succeeding. I would keep it up. + +"Have you taken leave of your senses?" I demanded, assuming an +indignation I did not feel. "Dr. Pettit was saying nothing to me that +could possibly interest you." I felt a little twinge of conscience at +the fib, but I had too much at stake to hesitate over a quibble. "As +for casting sheep's eyes, as you so elegantly express it, you've been +doing so much of it yourself that I suppose it is natural for you to +accuse other people of it." + +"Now what do you mean by that?" Dicky demanded, staring at me with +such an innocent air that I could have laughed if I had not been +thoroughly angry at his silly attempt to misunderstand me. + +"Don't be silly, Dicky," I said, pettishly; "I can swim perfectly +well out here and even if anything should happen, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood are surely good swimmers enough to take care of me." I could +not resist putting that last little barbed arrow into my quiver, for +Dicky, while a good swimmer, even I could see, was not as skillful as +either Mr. Underwood or Dr. Pettit. + +Dicky waited a long moment before answering, then he spoke tensely, +sternly: + +"Madge, answer me, are you coming back with me now, or are you not?" + +The tone in which he put the question was one which I could not brook, +even at the risk of seriously offending Dicky. An angry refusal was +upon my lips when Harry Underwood's voice saved me the necessity of a +reply. + +"There, there, Dicky-bird, keep your bathing suit on," he admonished, +roughly; "of course, she'll go back, we'll all go back, a regular +triumphal procession with beautiful heroine escorted by watchful +husband, treacherous villain and faithful friend." He grinned at Dr. +Pettit, and we all swam back to shallower water, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood gradually edging off some distance away from Dicky and me. + +I could not help smiling at the ludicrous aspect we must have +presented. Dicky must have been watching me narrowly, for he suddenly +growled: + +"To the devil with Grace Draper!" Dicky cried, and his voice was +louder, carried farther than he realized. "I'm not bothering about +her. She's getting on my nerves anyway; but you happen to be my wife, +and what you do is my concern, don't you forget that, my lady." + + + + +XXVII + +"HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + +Dicky and I had been so engrossed in our quarrel that we had not +noticed our proximity to Grace Draper. Whether she had purposely +approached us or not, I could not tell. At any rate, when, after +Dicky's outburst of jealous anger against Dr. Pettit and my retort +concerning his model, he had cried out loudly, "To the devil with +Grace Draper! I'm not bothering about her. She's getting on my nerves +anyway," I heard a choking little gasp from behind me, and, turning +swiftly, saw the girl standing quite near to us. + +Except when excited, Grace Draper never has any color, but the usual +clear pallor of her face had changed to a grayish whiteness. I had +reason enough to hate the girl, I had schemed with Lillian to save +Dicky from her influence, but in that moment, as I gazed at her, I +felt nothing but deep pity for her. + +For all the poise and pretence of the girl was stripped from her. She +was a ghastly, pitiable sight, as she stood there, her big eyes fixed +on Dicky, her breath coming unevenly in shuddering gasps. + +Then she glanced at me and her eyes held mine for a moment, +fascinated; then, with a little shrug of her shoulders, she turned +away, and I knew that the danger of Dicky's realizing her agitation +was passed. + +"What are you looking at so earnestly?" Dicky demanded. + +Without waiting for an answer, he turned swiftly, following my gaze, +and catching sight of the retreating back of Grace Draper. + +"Good Lord!" he gasped in consternation. "Do you suppose she heard +what I said?" + +"Oh, I'm sure she didn't," I replied mendaciously. + +Dicky looked at me curiously. Whether he believed me or not I do not +know. At any rate, he did not press the question. + +Neither did he again refer to Dr. Pettit, to my sincere relief. + +We made a merry picnic of our impromptu luncheon, and after it, +when we were dried by the sun, we spent a comfortable lazy two hours +lounging on the beach. + +If I had not seen Grace Draper's blanched face and the terrible look +in her eyes when she had heard Dicky's exclamation of indifference +toward her, I would not have dreamed that her heart held any other +emotion except that of happy enjoyment of the day. She laughed and +chatted as if she had not a care in the world, directing much of her +conversation to me. It crossed my mind that for some reason of her +own she was trying to make it appear to every one that we were on +especially friendly terms. + +It was after one of Dicky's periodical trips to Jim's fire, which +Harry Underwood did not allow him to forget, and his report that the +dinner would be shortly forthcoming, that Grace Draper rose and said +carelessly: "Suppose we all have another dip before dinner; there +won't be time before we leave for a swim afterward, and the water is +too fine to miss going in once more. What do you say, Mrs. Graham? +Will you race me?" + +I saw Lillian's quick little gesture of dissuasion, and through me +there crept an indefinable shrinking from going with the girl, but the +men were already chasing each other through the shallow water, and I +did not wish to humiliate my guest by refusing to go with her. + +"It can hardly be called a race," I answered quietly, "for you swim so +much better than I, but I will do my best." + +I followed her into the water with every appearance of enjoyment, and +exerted every ounce of my strength to try to keep up with her rush +through the waves. + +I knew she was not exerting her full strength, for she is a +magnificent swimmer, but I found that I had all I could do to keep +pace with her. She seemed to be bent on showing off her skill to me, +or else she was, trying to test my nerves by teasing me. + +I knew that she was able to swim under the water when she chose, but +that did not accustom me to the frequent sudden disappearances which +she made, or to her equally sudden reappearances above the surface of +the water. + +She would dash on ahead of me a few yards, then her head would +disappear beneath the waves. The next thing I knew she would bob up +almost at my side. There was a fascination about this skill of hers +which gripped me. I was so engrossed in watching her that I did not +realize how far out we had gone until at one of her quick turns, I, +following her, caught a glimpse of the beach. + +To my overwrought imagination it seemed miles away. I suddenly felt an +overwhelming terror of the cloudless sky, the rolling waves, even of +the girl who had brought me out so far. + +I looked wildly around for her, but could not see her anywhere. +Evidently she was indulging in one of her underwater tricks. I turned +blindly toward the shore. As I did so I felt a sudden jerk, a quick +clutch at my foot, a clutch that dragged me down relentlessly. + +I remembered gasping, struggling, fighting for life, with an awful +sensation of being sunk in a gulf of blackness. I fancied I heard +Lillian Underwood's voice in a piercing scream. Then I knew nothing +more. + +The next thing I remember was a voice. "There, she's coming out of it. +Let me have that brandy," and then I felt a spoon inserted between my +teeth and something fiery trickled gently drop by drop in my throat. +The voice was that of Dr. Pettit. + +With a gasp as the pungent liquid almost strangled me, I opened my +eyes to find that the physician's arm was supporting my shoulder and +his hand holding the spoon to my lips. + +"Oh, thank God, thank God," some one groaned brokenly on the other +side of me, and I turned my eyes to meet Dicky's face bent close to +mine and working with emotion. + +"She is all right now," the physician said, reassuringly. "She will +suffer far more from the shock than from any real damage by her +immersion. Get her into the tent." He turned to Mrs. Underwood and +said: "Rub her down hard, and if there are any extra wraps in the +party put them around her. Give her a stiff little dose of this." He +handed Lillian the brandy flask. "Then bring her out into the sunshine +again. She'll be all right in a little while." + +Dicky picked me up in his arms as the physician spoke, as if I had +been a child, and strode with me toward the improvised tent Dr. Pettit +had indicated. + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart, suppose I had lost you," he said brokenly, +and then, manlike, reproachfully even in the intensity of his emotion: +"What possessed you to go out so far? If it hadn't been for Grace +Draper being on hand when you went down, you would never have come +back. Harry and I were too far away when Lil screamed to be of any +use. But by the time we got there Miss Draper had you by the hair and +was towing you in." + +My brain was too dazed to comprehend much of what Dicky was saying, +but one remark smote on my brain like a sledge hammer. + +Grace Draper had saved my life! Why, if I had any memory left at all, +Grace Draper had-- + +Lillian came forward swiftly and placed a restraining finger on my +lips. + +"You mustn't talk yet," she admonished; then to Dicky, "Run away now, +Dicky-bird, and give Mrs. Durkee and me a chance to take care of her." +Little Mrs. Durkee's sweet, anxious face was close to Lillian's. "Yes, +Dicky," she echoed, "hurry out now." + +Dicky waited long enough to kiss me, a long, lingering, tender kiss +that did more to revive me than the brandy, and then went obediently +away while Mrs. Durkee and Lillian ministered to me as only tender and +efficient women can. + +When I was nearly dressed again, Lillian turned to Mrs. Durkee: "Would +you mind getting a cup of coffee for this girl?" she asked. "I know +Jim and Katie have some in preparation out there." + +"Of course," Mrs. Durkee returned, and fluttered away. + +She had no sooner gone than Lillian gathered me in her arms with +a protecting, maternal gesture, as if I had been her own daughter +restored to her. + +"Quick," she demanded fiercely, "tell me just what happened out there +when you went under. Did you get a cramp or what?" + +I waited a moment before answering. The suspicion that had come to my +brain was so horrible that I did not wish to utter it even to Lillian. + +"I think it must have been the undertow," I said feebly. "I felt +something like a clutch at my feet dragging me down." + +Lillian's face hardened. Into her eyes came a revengeful gleam. + +"Undertow!" she ejaculated, "you poor baby! Your undertow was that +Draper devil's calculating hand!" + +I stared at Lillian, horrified. + +"But Lillian," I protested, faintly, "how is it that they all say she +saved my life? If she really tried to drown me why didn't she let me +go?" + +"Got cold feet," returned Lillian, laconically. "You see she isn't +naturally evil enough deliberately to plan to kill you. I give her +credit for that with all her devilishness, but something happened +today between her and Dicky. I don't know what it was that drove her +nearly frantic. I saw her look at you two or three times in a way that +chilled my blood. I didn't like the idea of your going out there with +her, but I didn't see any way of stopping you. + +"Now, there's one thing I want you to promise me," she went on, +hurriedly. "Although I know you well enough to know it's something you +would do anyway without a promise. I don't want you to hint to anyone, +even Dicky, what you know of the Draper's attempt to put you out of +commission. It's the chance I've been looking for, the winning card I +needed so badly. I won't need to stay a week with you, my dear, as I +thought when I first planned my little campaign to get Dicky out of +the Draper's clutches. I can go home tonight if I wish to, with my +mission accomplished." + +"Why, what do you mean?" I asked. + +"Just this," retorted Lillian, "that I'm going to spring the nicest +little case of polite blackmail on Grace Draper before the day is over +that you ever saw. + +"I shall need you when I do it, so be prepared, although you won't +need to say anything. + +"But here comes Mrs. Durkee with the coffee. Do you think, after you +drink it, you'll feel strong enough to have me tackle Grace Draper?" + +I shivered inwardly, but bent my head in assent. Lillian had proved +too good a friend of mine for me to go against her wishes in anything. + +After I had drunk the steaming coffee, with Mrs. Durkee looking on in +smiling approval, Lillian made another request of the cheery little +woman. + +"Would you mind asking Miss Draper to come here a moment?" she said +quietly. "Mrs. Graham wants to thank her, and then do hunt up that +husband of mine and tell him to rig up some sort of couch for Mrs. +Graham, so she can lie down while we have our dinner. We can all take +turns feeding her." + +As Mrs. Durkee hurried out, eager to help in any way possible, Lillian +turned to me grimly. + +"That will keep her out of the way while we have our seance with the +Draper. Now brace up, my dear; just nod or shake your head when I give +you the cue." + +It seemed hours, although in reality it was only a moment or two +before Grace Draper parted the improvised sail curtains and stood +before us. I think she knew something of what we wished, for her face +held the grayish whiteness that had been there when she heard Dicky's +impatient words concerning her. But her head was held high, her eyes +were unflinching as she faced us. + +"Miss Draper," Lillian began, her voice low and controlled, but deadly +in its icy grimness, "we won't detain you but a moment, for we are +going to get right down to brass tacks. + +"I know exactly what happened out there in the surf a little while +ago. I was watching from the shore, and saw enough to make me +suspicious, and what I have learned from Mrs. Graham has confirmed my +suspicions." She glanced toward me. + +"You felt a hand clutch your foot and then drag you down, did you not, +Madge?" + +I nodded weakly, conscious only of the terrible burning eyes of Miss +Draper fixed upon me. + +"It is a lie," Miss Draper began, fiercely, but Lillian held up her +hand in a gesture that appeared to cow the girl. + +"Don't trouble either to deny or affirm it," she said icily. "There is +but one thing I wish to hear from your lips; it is the answer to this +question: Will you take the offer Mr. Underwood made you, to get you +that theatrical engagement, and, having done this, will you keep out +of Dicky Graham's way for every day of your life hereafter? I don't +mind telling you that if you do this I shall keep my mouth closed +about this thing; if you do not, I shall call the rest of the party +here now and tell them what I know." + +"Mr. Graham will not believe you," the girl said through stiff lips. +Her attitude was like the final turning of an animal at bay. + +"Don't fool yourself," Lillian retorted caustically. "I am Mr. +Graham's oldest friend. He would believe me almost more quickly than +he would his wife, for he might think that his wife was prejudiced +against you. + +"I am not a patient woman, Miss Draper. Don't try me too far. Take +this offer, or take the consequences." + +The girl stood with bent head for a long minute, as Lillian flared +out her ultimatum, then she lifted it and looked steadily into Mrs. +Underwood's eyes. + +"Remember, I admit nothing," she said defiantly, "but, of course, I +accept your offer. There is nothing else for me to do in the face of +the very ingenious story which you two have concocted between you." + +She turned and walked steadily out of the tent. + +Her words, the blaze in her eyes, the very motion of her body, was +magnificently insolent. + +"She's a wonder!" Lillian admitted, drawing a deep breath, as the girl +vanished. "I didn't think she had bravado enough to bluff it out like +that." + +"And now my dear," Lillian spoke briskly, "just lean your head against +my shoulder, shut your eyes, and try to rest for a little; I know that +sand with a rain coat covering doesn't make the most comfortable couch +in the world, but I think I can hold you so that you may be able to +take a tiny nap." + +What Dicky surmised concerning the events of the afternoon, I do not +know. He must have known that the girl was madly in love with him. +Something had happened to put an end to the infatuation into which he +had been slipping so rapidly. + +Had he become tired of the girl's open pursuit of him? Had he guessed +to what lengths her desperation had driven her? Had the shock of my +narrow escape from drowning startled him into a fresh realization of +his love for me? + +I felt too weak even to guess the solution of the riddle. All I wanted +to do was to nestle close to Dicky's side, to be taken care of and +petted like a baby. + +The ride home through the sunset was a quiet one. To me it was one of +the happiest hours of my life. + +Dicky, fussing over me as if I were a fragile piece of china, sat in +the most sheltered corner of the boat, and held me securely against +him, protecting me with his arm from any sudden lurch or jolt the boat +might give. + +Seemingly by a tacit agreement, the others of the party left us to +ourselves. They talked in subdued tones, apparently unwilling to spoil +the wonderful beauty of the twilight ride home with much conversation. + +When the boat landed, Harry Underwood, at Dicky's suggestion, +telephoned for taxis to meet the little trolley, upon which we +journeyed from the beach to Crest Haven. One of these bore the Durkees +and Grace Draper to their homes; the other was to carry Harry and +Lillian, with Dicky and me, to the old Brennan house. + +Dr. Pettit, who was to take a train back to the city, came up to us +after we were seated in the taxi: + +"I would advise that you go directly to bed, Mrs. Graham," he said, +with his most professional air. "You have had an unusual shock, and +rest is the one imperative thing." + +I felt that common courtesy demanded that I extend an invitation to +the physician to call at our home when next he came to Marvin, but +fear of Dicky's possible displeasure tied my tongue. I could not do +anything to jeopardize the happiness so newly restored to me. + +To my great surprise, however, Dicky impulsively extended his hand and +smiled upon the young physician: + +"Thanks ever so much, old man," he said cordially, "for the way you +pulled the little lady through this afternoon. Don't forget to come to +see us when next you're in Marvin." + +I was tucked safely into Dicky's bed, which he insisted on my sharing, +saying that he could take care of me better there than in my own room, +when he gave me the explanation of his cordiality. + +"I'm not particularly stuck on that doctor chap," he said, tucking +the coverlet about me with awkward tenderness, "but I'm so thankful +tonight I just can't be sour on anybody." + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart!" He put his cheek to mine. "To think how +nearly I lost you!" And my heart echoed the exclamation could not +speak aloud: + +"Ah! Dicky, to think how nearly I lost YOU." + + + + +XXVIII + +A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + +"How many more trains are there tonight?" + +Lillian Underwood's voice was sharp with anxiety. My voice reflected +worry, as I answered her query. + +"Two, one at 12:30, and the last, until morning, 2 o'clock." + +"Well, I suppose we might as well lie down and get some sleep. They +probably will be out on the last train." + +"You don't suppose," I began, then stopped. + +"That they've slipped off the water wagon?" Lillian returned grimly. +"That's just what I'm afraid of. We will know in a little while, +anyway. Harry will begin to telephone me, and keep it up until he gets +too lazy to remember the number. Come on, let's get off these clothes +and get into comfortable negligees. We probably shall have a long +night of worry before us." + +I obeyed her suggestion, but I was wild with an anxiety which Lillian +did not suspect. My question, which she had finished for me, had not +meant what she had thought at all. In fact, until she spoke of it, +that possibility had not occurred to me. + +It was a far different fear that was gripping me. I was afraid that +Grace Draper had failed to keep the bargain she had made with Lillian +to keep out of Dicky's way, in return for Lillian's silence concerning +the Draper girl's mad attempt to drown me during our "desert island +picnic." + +Whether or not my narrow escape from death had brought Dicky to a +realization of what we meant to each other, I could not tell. At any +rate, he never had been more my royal lover than in the five days +since my accident. Indeed, since that day he had made but one trip to +the city beside this with Harry Underwood, the return from which we +were so anxiously awaiting. When the men left in the morning they had +told us not to plan dinner at home, but to be ready to accompany them +to a nearby resort for a "shore dinner," as they were coming out on +the 5 o'clock train. No wonder that at 10:30 Lillian and I were both +anxious and irritated. + +Dicky's behavior toward me, since death so nearly gripped me, +certainly had given me no reason to doubt that his infatuation +for Grace Draper was at an end. But no one except myself knew how +apparently strong her hold had been on Dicky through the weeks of the +late summer, nor how ruthless her own mad passion for him was. Had she +reconsidered her bargain? Was she making one last attempt to regain +her hold upon Dicky? + +The telephone suddenly rang out its insistent summons. I ran to it, +but Lillian brushed past me and took the receiver from my trembling +hand. + +I sank down on the stairs and clutched the stair rail tightly with +both hands to keep from falling. + +"Yes, yes, this is Lil, Harry. What's the matter? + +"Seriously? + +"Where are you? + +"Yes, we were coming, anyway. Yes, we'll bring Miss Draper's sister. +Don't bother to meet us. We'll take a taxi straight from the station." + +Staggering with terror, I caught her hand, and prevented her putting +the receiver back on its hook. + +"Is Dicky dead?" I demanded. + +"No, no, child," she said soothingly. + +"I don't believe it," I cried, maddened at my own fear. "Call him to +the 'phone. Let me hear his voice myself, then I'll believe you." + +She took the receiver out of my grip, put it back upon the hook, +and grasped my hands firmly, holding them as she would those of a +hysterical child. + +"See here, Madge," she said sternly, "Dicky is very much alive, but he +is hurt slightly and needs you. We have barely time to get Mrs. Gorman +and that train. Hurry and get ready." + + * * * * * + +Dicky's eager eyes looked up from his white face into mine. His voice, +weak, but thrilling with the old love note, repeated my name over and +over, as if he could not say it enough. + +I sank on my knees beside the bed in which Dicky lay. I realized in a +hazy sort of fashion that the room must be Harry Underwood's own bed +chamber, but I spent no time in conjecture. All my being was fused in +the one joyous certainty that Dicky was alive and in my arms, and +that I had been assured he would get well. I laid my face against +his cheek, shifted my arms so that no weight should rest against his +bandaged left shoulder, which, at my first glimpse of it, had caused +me to shudder involuntarily. + +"If you only knew how awful I felt about this," Dicky murmured, +contritely, and, as I raised my eyes to look at him, his own +contracted as with pain. + +"It's a fine mess I've brought you into by my carelessness this +summer, but I swear I didn't dream--" + +I laid my hand on his lips. + +"Don't, sweetheart," I pleaded. "It is enough for me to know that you +are safe in my arms. Nothing else in the world matters. Just rest and +get well for me." + +He kissed the hand against his lips, then reached up the unbandaged +arm, and with gentle fingers pulled mine away. + +"But there is one thing I must talk about," he said solemnly, +"something you must do for me, Madge, for I cannot get up from here +to see to it. It's a hard thing to ask you to do, but you are so brave +and true, I know you will understand. Tell me, is that poor girl going +to die?" + +"I--I don't know, Dicky," I faltered, salving my conscience with +the thought that he must not be excited with the knowledge of Grace +Draper's true condition. + +"Poor girl," he sighed. "I never dreamed she looked at things in the +light she did, but I feel guilty anyhow, responsible. She must have +the best of care, Madge, best physicians, best nurses, everything. I +must meet all expenses, even to the ones which will be necessary if +she should die." + +He brought out the last words fearfully. Little drops of moisture +stood on his forehead. I saw that the shock of the girl's terrible act +had unnerved him. + +Nerving myself to be as practical and matter-of-fact as possible, I +wiped the moisture from his brow with my handkerchief and patted his +cheek soothingly. + +"I will attend to everything," I promised, "just as if you were able +to see to it. But you must do something for me in return; you must +promise not to talk any more and try and go to sleep." + +"My own precious girl," he sighed, happily, and then drowsily-- + +"Kiss me!" + +I pressed my lips to his. His eyes closed, and with his hand clinging +tightly to mine, he slept. + +How long I knelt there I do not know. No one came near the room, but +through the closed door I could hear the hushed hurry and movement +which marks a desperate fight between life and death. + +I felt numbed, bewildered. I tried to visualize what was happening +outside the room, but I could not. I felt as if Dicky and I had come +through some terrible shipwreck together and had been cast up on this +friendly piece of shore. + +I knew that later I would have to face my own soul in a rigid +inquisition as to how far I had been to blame for this tragedy. I had +been married less than a year, and yet my husband was involved in a +horrible complication like this. + +But my brain was too exhausted to follow that line of thought. I was +content to rest quietly on my knees by the side of Dicky's bed, with +his hand in mine and my eyes fixed on his white face with the long +lashes shadowing it. + +At first I was perfectly comfortable, then after a while little +tingling pains began to run through my back and limbs. + +I dared not change my position for fear of disturbing Dicky, so I +set my teeth and endured the discomfort. The sharpness of the pain +gradually wore away as the minutes went by, and was succeeded by a +distressing feeling of numbness extending all over my body. + +Just as I was beginning to feel that the numbness must soon extend to +my brain, the door opened and some one came quietly in. + +My back was to the door, and so careful were the footsteps crossing +the room that I could not tell who the newcomer was until I felt a +firm hand gently unclasping my nervous fingers from Dicky's. Then I +looked up into the solicitous face of Dr. Pettit. + +"How is it that you have been left alone here so long?" he inquired +indignantly, yet keeping his voice to the professional low pitch of a +sick room. He put his strong, firm hands under my elbows, raised me to +my feet and supported me to a chair, for my feet were like pieces of +wood. I could hardly lift them. + +"How long have you been kneeling there?" he demanded. "You would have +fainted away if you had stayed there much longer." + +"I do not know," I replied faintly, "but it doesn't matter. Tell me, +is my husband all right, and how badly is he hurt?" + +"He is not hurt seriously at all," the physician replied. "The bullet +went through the fleshy part of his left arm. It was a clean wound, +and he will be around again in no time." + +He walked to Dicky's bed, bent over him, listened to his breathing, +straightened, and came back to me. + +"He is doing splendidly," he said, "but you are not. You are on the +point of collapse from what you have undergone tonight. You must lie +down at once. If there is no one else to take care of you, I must do +it." + +I felt as if I could not bear to answer him, even to raise my eyes +to meet his. I do not know how long the intense silence would have +continued. Just as I felt that I could not bear the situation any +longer, Lillian Underwood came into the room, bringing with her, as +she always does, an atmosphere of cheerful sanity. + +"What is the matter?" she asked. Her tone was low and guarded, but in +it there was a note of alarm, and the same anxiety shown from her eyes +as she came swiftly toward me. + +"Mrs. Graham is in danger of a nervous collapse if she does not have +rest and quiet soon," Dr. Pettit returned gravely. "Will you see that +she is put to bed at once? Mr. Graham will do very well for a while +alone, although when you have made Mrs. Graham comfortable, I wish you +would come back and sit with him." + +Lillian put her strong arms around me and led me through the door into +the outer hall. + +"But who is with Miss Draper?" I protested faintly, as we started down +the stairs toward the first floor. + +"Her sister and one of the best trained nurses in the city," Lillian +responded. "Besides, Dr. Pettit will go immediately back to her room." + +"But Dicky, there is no one with Dicky," I said, struggling feebly in +an attempt to go back up the stairs again. + +"Don't be childish, Madge." The words, the tone, were impatient, +the first I had ever heard from Lillian toward me. But I mentally +acknowledged their justice and braced myself to be more sensible, as +she guided me to her room, and helped me into bed. + +I found her sitting by my bedside when I opened my eyes. Through the +lowered curtains I caught a ray of sunlight, and knew that it was +broad day. + +"Dicky?" I asked wildly, staring up from my pillows. + +Lillian put me back again with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," she said gently. "Dicky is fine, and when you have eaten +the breakfast Betty has prepared and which Katie is bringing you, you +may go upstairs and take care of him all day." + +"But it is daylight," I protested. "I must have slept all night. And +you? Have you slept at all?" + +"Don't bother about me," she returned lightly. "I shall have a good +long nap as soon as you are ready to take care of Dicky." + +"But I meant to sleep only two or three hours. I don't see how I ever +could have slept straight through the night." + +I really felt near to tears with chagrin that I should have left Dicky +to the care of any one else while I soundly slept the night through. + +Lillian looked at me keenly, then smiled. + +"Can't you guess?" she asked significantly. + +"You mean you put something in the mulled wine to make me sleep?" + +"Of course. You have been through enough for any one woman. Dicky was +in no danger, and I had no desire to have you ill on my hands." + +I flushed a bit resentfully. I was not quite sure that I liked her +high-handed way of disposing of me as if I were a child. Then as I +felt her keen eyes upon me I knew that she was reading my thoughts, +and I felt mightily ashamed of my childish petulance. + +"You must forgive my arbitrary way of doing things," she resumed, a +bit formally. + +I put out my hand pleadingly. "Don't, Lillian," I said earnestly. +"I'll be good, and I do thank you. You know that, don't you?" + +Her face cleared. "Of course, goosie," she answered. "But I must help +you dress. Your breakfast will be here in a moment." + +I sprang out of bed before she could prevent me, and gave her a +regular "bear hug." + +"Help me dress!" I exclaimed indignantly. "Indeed, you will do no +such thing. I feel as strong as ever, and I am going to put you to bed +before I go to Dicky. But tell me, how is--" + +She spared me from speaking the name I so dreaded. + +"Miss Draper is no worse. Indeed, Dr. Pettit thinks she has rallied +slightly this morning. She is resting easily now, has been since about +3 o'clock, when Dr. Pettit went home." + +I was hurrying into my clothes as she talked. "Have you found out yet +how it happened?" I asked. + +"I know what Harry does," she answered. "He says that yesterday the +girl appeared as calm, even cheerful, as ever, went with him to the +manager's office, performed her dancing stunt as cleverly as she did +the other night, and in response to the very good offer the manager +made her, asked for a day to consider it. As she was leaving the +office, she asked Harry if Dicky were in his studio, saying she had +left there something she prized highly and would like to get it. +Something in the way she said it made Harry suspicious. Of course, +I had told him confidentially of her attempt to drown you, so he +remarked nonchalantly that he was also going to the studio. He said +she seemed nonplussed for a moment, then coolly accepted his escort. + +"They went to the studio, and Harry stuck close to Dicky, never +permitting the Draper girl to be alone with him for a minute. After a +few moments she bade them a commonplace goodby and left, but she must +have stayed near by and cleverly shadowed them when they left. + +"At any rate, she appeared at the door of our house shortly after +Harry and Dicky had entered--Harry wanted to get some things +before coming out to Marvin again--and asked Betty to see Dicky. +Unfortunately, Harry was in his rooms and did not hear the request, +so that Dicky went into the little sitting room off the hall with her, +and Betty says the girl herself closed the door. What was said no one +knows but Dicky and the girl. + +"Harry heard a shot, rushed downstairs, and found Dicky, with the +blood flowing from his arm, struggling with the girl in an attempt +to keep her from firing another shot. Harry took the revolver away, +unloaded and pocketed it, and could have prevented any further tragedy +only for Dicky's growing faint from loss of blood. + +"Harry turned his attention to Dicky, and the girl picked up a +stiletto, which Harry uses for a paper cutter--you know he has the +house filled with all sorts of curios from all over the world--and +drove it into her left breast. She aimed for her heart, of course, and +she almost turned the trick. I imagine she has a pretty good chance of +pulling through if infection doesn't develop. The stiletto hadn't been +used for some time, and there were several small rust spots on it. But +here comes your breakfast." + +Her voice had been absolutely emotionless as she told me the story. As +she busied herself with setting out attractively on a small table the +delicious breakfast Katie had brought, I had a queer idea that if it +were not for the publicity that would inevitably follow, Lillian would +not very much regret the ultimate success of Grace Draper's attempt at +self-destruction. + + + + +XXIX + +"BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + +I do not believe that ever in my life can I again have an experience +so horrible as that which followed the development of infection in the +dagger wound which Grace Draper had inflicted upon herself after her +unsuccessful attempt to shoot Dicky. + +Against the combined protest of Dicky and Lillian, I shared the care +of the girl with the trained nurse whom Lillian's forethought had +provided and Dicky's money had paid for. + +The reason for my presence at her bedside was a curious one. + +At the close of the third day following the girl's attempt at murder +and self-destruction, Lillian came to the door of the room where I was +reading to Dicky, who was now almost recovered, and called me out into +the hall. + +"Madge," she said abruptly, "that poor girl in there has been calling +for you for an hour. We tried every way we could think of to quiet +her, but nothing else would do. She must see you. I imagine she has +made up her mind she's going to die and wants to ask your forgiveness +or something of that sort." + +"I will go to her at once," I said quietly. As I moved toward the door +my knees trembled so I could hardly walk. + +Lillian came up to me quickly and put her strong arm around me. + +We went down the hall to a wonderful room of ivory and gold, which I +knew must be Lillian's guest room. In a big ivory-tinted bed the girl +lay, a pitiful wreck of the dashing, insolent figure she had been. + +Her face was as white as the pillows upon which she lay, while her +hands looked utterly bloodless as they rested listlessly upon the +coverlet. Only her eyes held anything of her old spirit. They looked +unusually brilliant. I wondered uneasily if their appearance was the +result of their contrast to her deathly white face or whether the +fever which the doctor dreaded had set in. + +She looked at me steadily for a long minute, then spoke huskily--I was +surprised at the strength of her voice. + +"Of course I have no right to ask anything of you, Mrs. Graham," she +said, "but death, you know, always has privileges, and I am going to +die." + +I saw the nurse glance swiftly, sharply, at her, and then go quietly +out of the room. + +"She's hurrying to get the doctor," the girl said, with the uncanny +intuition of the very sick, "but he can't do me any good. I'm going to +die and I know it. And I want you to promise to stay with me until the +end comes. I shall probably be unconscious, and not know whether you +are here or not, but I know you. You're the kind that if you give a +promise you won't break it, and I have a sort of feeling that I'd like +to go out holding your hand. Will you promise me that?" + +Her eyes looked fiercely, compelling, into mine. I stepped forward and +laid my hand on hers, lying so weak on the bed. + +"Of course I promise," I said pitifully. + +There was a quick, savage gleam in her eyes which I could not fathom, +a gleam that vanished as quickly as it came. I told myself that the +look I had surprised in her eyes was one of ferocious triumph, and +that as my hand touched hers she had instinctively started to draw her +hand away from mine, and then yielded it to my grasp. + +"All right," she said indifferently, closing her eyes. "Remember now, +don't go away." + +"Dicky! Dicky! what have I done that you are so changed? How can +you be so cold to me when you remember all that we have been to each +other? Don't be so cruel to me. Kiss me just once, just once, as you +used to do." + +Over and over again the plaintive words pierced the air of the room +where Grace Draper lay, while Dr. Pettit and the nurse battled for her +life. + +The theme of all her delirious cries and mutterings was Dicky. She +lived over again all the homely little humorous incidents of their +long studio association. She went with him upon the little outings +which they had taken together, and of which I learned for the first +time from her fever-crazed lips. + +"Isn't this delicious salad, Dicky?" she would cry. "What a +magnificent view of the ocean you can get from here? Wouldn't Belasco +envy that moonlight effect?" + +Then more tender memories would obsess her. To me, crouching in my +corner, bound by my promise to stay in the room, it seemed a most +cruel irony of fate that I should be compelled to listen to this +unfolding of my husband's faithlessness to me within so short a time +of our tender reconciliation. + +I do not think Dr. Pettit knew I was in the room when he first entered +it, anxious because of his imperative summons by the nurse. Lillian's +guest room had the alcove characteristic of the old-fashioned New York +houses, and she and I were seated in that. + +The physician bent over the bed, carefully studying the patient. +Through his professional mask I thought I saw a touch of bewilderment. +He studied the girl's pulse and temperature, listened to her +breathing, then turned to the nurse sharply. + +"How long has she been delirious?" + +"Since just after I called you," the girl replied. + +"Did you notice anything unusual about her before that? You said +something over the telephone about her talking queerly." + +The nurse looked quickly over to the alcove where Lillian and I +sat. Dr. Pettit's eyes followed her glance. With a quick muttered +exclamation he strode swiftly to where we sat and towered angrily +above us. + +"What does this mean?" he asked imperatively. "Why are you here +listening to this stuff? It is abominable." + +"I agree with you, Dr. Pettit. It is abominable, but she made +Madge promise to stay," Lillian said quietly. She made an almost +imperceptible gesture of her head toward the bed, and her voice was +full of meaning. He started, looked her steadily in the eyes, then +nodded slightly as if asserting some unspoken thought of hers. + +"Dicky darling," the voice from the bed rose pleadingly, "don't you +remember how you promised me to take me away from all this, how we +planned to go far, far away, where no one would ever find us again?" + +Dr. Pettit turned almost savagely on me. + +"Promise or no promise," he said, "I will not allow this any longer. +You must go out of this room and stay out." + +I stood up and faced him unflinchingly. + +"I cannot, Dr. Pettit," I answered firmly. "I must keep my promise." + +"Then I will get your release from that promise at once," he said and +strode toward the bed. + +I watched him with terrified fascination. Had he gone suddenly mad? +What did he mean to do? + +As Dr. Pettit turned from Lillian and me, and strode toward the bed +where the sick girl lay, apparently raving in delirium, I called out +to him in horror. + +"Oh, don't disturb that delirious, dying girl!" + +I made an impetuous step forward to try to stop him when Lillian +caught my arm and whirled me into a recess of the alcove. + +"You unsuspecting little idiot," she said, giving me a tender little +shake that robbed the words of their harshness, "can't you see that +that girl is shamming?" + +For a moment I could not comprehend what she meant; then the full +truth burst upon me. If what Lillian said were true, if the girl was +pretending delirium that she might utter words concerning Dicky's +infatuation for her which would torture me, then it was more than +probable, almost certain, in fact, that there was no word of truth in +her pretended delirious mutterings. + +Dicky was not faithless to me, as I had feared during the tortured +moments in which I had listened to, the girl's ravings. + +The joy of the sudden revelation almost unnerved me. I believe I would +have swooned and fallen had not Lillian caught me. + +"Listen," she said in my ear, pinching my arm almost cruelly to arouse +me, "listen to what Dr. Pettit is saying, and you'll see that I am +right." + +My eyes followed hers to the bed where Dr. Pettit stood gazing +down upon the seemingly unconscious girl and speaking in measured, +merciless fashion. + +"This won't do, my girl," he was saying, and his tone and manner +of address seemed in some subtle fashion to strip all semblance of +dignity from the girl and leave her simply a "case" of the doctor's, +of a type only too familiar to him. + +"It _won't_ do," he repeated. "You are simply shamming this delirium, +and you are lessening your chances for life every minute you persist +in it. I'm sorry to be hard on you, but I'm going to give you an +ultimatum right now. Either you will release Mrs. Graham from her +promise at once and quit this nonsense, or I shall call an officer, +report the truth of this occurrence, and you will be arrested not only +upon a charge of attempted suicide, but of attempted murder. + +"Of course, you will then be removed to the jail hospital, where I am +afraid you may not enjoy the skilful care you are getting now. And, +if you live, the after effects of these charges will be exceedingly +unpleasant for you." + +My heart almost stopped beating as I listened to the physician's +relentless words. + +Suppose Dr. Pettit was mistaken and the girl should be really +delirious, after all. But just as I had reached the point of torturing +doubt hardly to be borne, the girl stopped her delirious muttering, +opened her eyes and looted steadily up at the physician. + +"You devil," she said, at last, with quiet malignity. "You've called +the turn. I throw up my hands." + +"I thought so." This was the physician's only response. He stood +quietly waiting while the girl gazed steadily, unwinkingly at him. + +"Tell me," she said at last, coolly, "am I going to die?" + +"I do not know," the physician returned, as coolly. "You have a slight +temperature, and I am afraid infection has developed. But I can tell +you that your performance of the last hour or two has not helped your +chances any. You must be perfectly quiet and obedient, conserve every +bit of strength if you wish to live." + +"How about that very chivalric threat you made just now," the girl +retorted, sneeringly. "If I live, are you going to have me arrested +for this thing?" + +"Not if you behave yourself and promise to make no more trouble," the +physician replied gravely. + +There was another long silence. The girl lay with eyes closed. The +physician stood watching her keenly. Presently she opened her eyes +again. + +"Call Mrs. Graham over here," she said peremptorily. + +"What are you going to say to her?" the physician shot back. + +"That's my business and hers," Miss Draper returned, with a flash of +her old spirit. "If you want a release from that promise you'd better +let her come over here, otherwise I'll hold her to it." + +Disregarding Lillian's clutch upon my arm I moved swiftly to the side +of the bed and looked down into the sick girl's eyes, brilliant with +fever. + +"Did you wish to speak to me?" I asked gently. + +"Yes," she said abruptly, "I release you from your promise, and you +are free to believe or not what I have said during my--delirium." + +She emphasized the last word with a little mocking smile. The same +smile was on her lips as she added, slowly, sneeringly: + +"But you will never know, will you, Madgie dear, just how much of what +I said was false and how much true?" + +Her eyes held mine a moment longer, and the malignance in their +feverish brightness frightened me. Then she closed them wearily. + +As I turned away from her bedside I realized that she had prophesied +only too truthfully. There would be times in my life when I would +believe Dicky only. But I was also afraid there would be others when +her words would come back to me with intensified power to sear and +scar. + + + + +XXX + +THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + +Grace Draper did not die. Thanks to the assiduous care of Dr. Pettit +and the two trained nurses Dicky had provided she gradually struggled +up from the "valley of the shadow of death" in which she had lain to +convalescence. + +As soon as she was able to travel she went to the home of the relative +in the country whom she had visited in the summer. One of the nurses +went with her to see that she was settled comfortably, and upon +returning reported that she was getting strong fast, and in a month or +two more would be her usual self again. + +Neither Dicky nor I had seen her before she left. Indeed, Dicky +appeared to have taken an uncontrollable aversion to the girl since +her attempt to kill him and herself and disliked hearing even her name +mentioned. As for me, I had a positive dread of ever looking into the +girl's beautiful false face again. + +It was Lillian who made all the necessary arrangements both for the +girl's stay in her own home and her transfer to the country. + +But between the time of my mother-in-law's arrival at our house in +Marvin and the departure of Grace Draper from Lillian's home lay an +interval of a fortnight in which what we all considered the miraculous +happened. My mother-in-law grew to like Lillian Underwood. + +For the first three or four days after the ultimatum which I had given +her that she should respect our guests if she stayed in our house she +was like a sulky child. She kept to her room, affecting fatigue, and +demanding her meals be carried up to her by Katie. + +Of course Lillian and Harry wanted to go away at once, but Dicky and +I overruled them. I was resolved to see the thing through. I felt +that if my mother-in-law did not yield her prejudices at this time she +never would, and that I would simply have to go through the same thing +again later. + +Lillian saw the force of my reasoning and agreed to stay, although +I knew that the sensitive delicacy of feeling which she concealed +beneath her rough and ready mask made her uncomfortable in a house +which held such a disapproving element as my mother-in-law. + +Then, one day the little god of chance took a hand. Harry and Dicky +had gone to the city. It was Katie's afternoon off, and she and Jim, +who had become a regular caller at our kitchen door, had gone away +together. + +Mother Graham was still sulking in her room, and Lillian was busy in +Dicky's improvised studio with some drawings and jingles which were a +rush order. + +The day was a wonderful autumn one, and I felt the need of a walk. + +"I think I will run down to the village," I said to Lillian. "This is +the day the candy kitchen makes up the fresh toasted marshmallows. I +think we could use some, don't you?" + +"Lovely," agreed Lillian enthusiastically. + +"I don't think Mother Graham will come out of her room while I'm +gone," I went on. "Just keep an eye out for her if she should need +you." + +"She'd probably bite me if I offered her any assistance," returned +Lillian, laughing, "but I'll look out for her." + +But when I came back with the marshmallows, after a longer walk than +I had intended, I found Lillian sitting by my mother-in-law's bedside, +watching her as she slept. When she saw me she put her finger to her +lips and stole softly out into the hall. + +"She had a slight heart attack while you were gone, and I was +fortunate enough to know just what to do for her. It was not serious +at all. She is perfectly all right now and"--she hesitated and smiled +a bit--"I do not think she dislikes me any more." + +"Oh, I'm so glad!" I exclaimed, ecstatically hugging her. "Everything +will come out all right now." + +During the rest of the Underwoods' stay it seemed as if my words +had come true. The ice once broken, my mother-in-law's heart thawed +perceptibly toward Lillian. + +By the time the day came when Harry and Lillian left us to go back +to their apartment the elder Mrs. Graham had so far gotten over +her prejudices as to bid Lillian a reluctant farewell and express a +sincere wish that she might soon see her again. + +Toward Harry Underwood my mother-in-law's demeanor remained rigid. +She treated him with formal, icy politeness which irritated Dicky, but +appeared greatly to amuse Mr. Underwood. He took delight in paying her +the most elaborate attentions, laying fresh nosegays of flowers at +her plate at each meal. If he had been a lover besieging a beautiful +girl's heart he could not have been more attentive, while he was +absolutely impervious to all the chilling rebuffs she gave him. + +I think that the touch of malice which is always a part of this man's +humor was gratified by the frigid annoyance which the elder Mrs. +Graham exhibited toward his attentions. At any rate, he kept them up +until the very hour of his departure. + +It was when he happened to be alone with me on the veranda a few +moments before the coming of the taxi which was to bear them to their +homeward train that he gave me the real explanation of his conduct. + +"Tell me, loveliest lady," he said, with the touch of exaggeration +which his manner always holds toward me, "tell me, haven't I squared +up part of your account with the old girl this last week?" + +"Why, what do you mean?" I stammered. + +"Don't pretend such innocence," he retorted. "If you want me to tell +you in so many words, I beg leave to inform you that I've been doing +my little best to annoy your august mother-in-law to pay her off for +her general cussedness toward you, and, incidentally, me." + +"But she hasn't been cross to me," I protested. + +"Not the last three or four days perhaps, but I'll bet you've had +quite a dose since she came to live at your house, and you'll have +another if she ever finds out my wicked designs upon you." He smiled +mockingly and took a step nearer to me. "Don't forget you owe me a +kiss," he said, with teasing maliciousness, referring to the time when +he had threatened to "kiss me under water." "Don't you think you had +better give in to me now?" + +Dicky's step in the hall prevented my rebuking him as I wished. I +told myself that, of course, his persistent reference to that kiss was +simply one of mockery and I also admitted to myself that as much as I +loved Lillian I was glad that her husband was to be no longer a guest +in our house. + + + + +XXXI + +A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + +"Well, my dear, what are you mooning over that you didn't see me come +in? I beg your pardon, Madge, what is the matter? Tell me." + +Lillian Underwood stood before me a week after her visit to us. +Lillian, whose entrance into the small reception room of the Sydenham, +at which we had an appointment, I had not even seen. She stood looking +down at me with an anxious, alarmed expression in her eyes. + +"There is nothing the matter," I returned, evasively. + +"Don't tell me a tarradiddle, my dear," Lillian countered smoothly. +"You're as white as a sheet, and I can see your hands trembling this +minute. Something has happened to upset you. But, of course, if you'd +rather not tell me--" + +There was a subtle hint of withdrawal in her tone. I was afraid that I +had offended her. After all, why not tell her of the stranger who had +so startled me? + +"Look over by the door, Lillian," I said, in a low voice, "not +suddenly as if I had just spoken to you about it, but carelessly. Tell +me if there is a man still standing there staring at us." + +Lillian whistled softly beneath her breath, a little trick she has +when surprised. + +"Oh-h-h!" she breathed, and turning, she looked swiftly at the place I +had indicated. + +"I see a disappearing back which looks as though it might belong to +a 'masher.' I just caught sight of him as he turned--well set-up man +about middle age, hair sprinkled with gray, rather stunning looking." + +"Yes, that is the man," I returned, faintly, "but, Lillian, I'm sure +he isn't an ordinary 'masher.' He had the strangest, saddest, most +mysterious look in his eyes. It was almost as if he knew me or thought +he did, and I have the most uncanny feeling about him, as if he were +some one I had known long ago. I can't describe to you the effect he +had upon me." + +"Nonsense," Lillian said, brusquely, "the man is just an ordinary +common lady-killer of the type that infests these hotels, and ought to +be horsewhipped at sight. You're getting fanciful, and I don't wonder +at it. You've had a terrible summer, with all that trouble the Draper +caused you, and I imagine you haven't been having any too easy a time +with dear mamma-in-law, I'm mighty glad you're going to get away +with Dicky by yourself. A week in the mountains ought to set you +up wonderfully, and you certainly need it when you start weaving +mysterious tragedies about the commoner garden variety of 'masher.'" + +Lillian's rough common sense steadied me, as it always does. I felt +ashamed of my momentary emotion. + +"I fancy you're right, Lillian," I said nonchalantly. "Let's forget +about it and have some lunch. Where shall we go?" + +"There's a bully little tea room down the street here." she said. +"It's very English, with the tea cozies and all that sort of frills, +and some of their luncheon dishes are delicious. Shall we try it?" + +"By all means," I returned, and we went out of the hotel together. + +Although I looked around furtively and fearfully as we left the hotel +entrance, I could see no trace of the man who had so startled me. +Scoring myself for being so foolish as to imagine that the man might +still be keeping track of me, I put all thought of his actions away +from me and kept up with Lillian's brisk pace, chatting with her gayly +over our past experience in buying hats and the execrable creations +turned out by milliners generally. + +The tea room proved all that Lillian had promised. Fortunately, we +were early enough to escape the noon hour rush and secure a good table +near a window looking out upon the street. + +"I like to look out upon the people passing, don't you?" Lillian said, +as she seated herself. + +"Yes, I do," I assented, and then we turned our attention to the menu +cards. + +"I'm fearfully hungry," Lillian announced. "I've been digging all +morning. Oh! it's chicken pie here today." Her voice held all the glee +of a gormandizing child. "I don't think these individual chicken pies +they serve here can be beaten in New York," she went on. "You know the +usual mess--potatoes and onions, and a little bit of chicken mixed +up with a sauce they insult with the name gravy. These are the real +article--just the chicken meat with a delicious gravy covering it, +baked in the most flaky crust you can imagine. What do you say to +those, with some baked potatoes, new lima beans, sliced tomatoes and +an ice for dessert?" + +"I don't think it can be improved upon," I said, gayly, and then I +clutched Lillian's arm. "Look quickly," I whispered, "the other side +of the street!" + +Lillian's eyes followed mine to the opposite side of the street, +where, walking slowly along, was the man I had seen in the hotel. He +did not once look toward the tea room, but as he came opposite to it +he turned from the pavement and crossed the street leisurely toward +us. + +"Oh! I believe he is coming in," I gasped, and my knees began to +tremble beneath me. + +"Suppose he is," Lillian snapped back. Her tone held a contemptuous +impatience that braced me as nothing else could. "The man has a right +to come in here if he wishes. It may be a mere coincidence, or he may +have followed you. You're rather fetching in that little sport rig, +my dear, as your mirror probably told you this morning. Unless he +obtrudes himself there is nothing you can do or say, and if he should +attempt to get fresh--well, I pity him, that's all." + +Lillian's threatening air was so comical that I lost my nervousness +and laughed outright at her belligerency. The laugh was not a loud +one, but it evidently was audible to the man entering the door, for +he turned and cast a quick, sharp look upon me before moving on to a +table farther down the room. The waitress indicated a chair, which, +if he had taken it, would have kept his back toward us. He refused it +with a slight shake of the head, and passing around to the other side +of the table, sat down in a chair which commanded a full view of us. + +Lillian's foot beat a quick tattoo beneath the table. "The insolent +old goat," she murmured, vindictively. "He'd better look out. I'd hate +to forget I'm a perfect lady, but I'm afraid I may have to break loose +if that chap stays around here." + +"Oh, don't say anything to him, Lillian," I pleaded, terribly +distressed and upset at the very thought of a possible scene. "Let's +hurry through our luncheon and get out." + +"We'll do nothing of the kind," Lillian said. "Don't think about the +man at all, just go ahead and enjoy your luncheon as if he were +not here at all. I'll attend to his case good and plenty if he gets +funny." + +In spite of Lillian Underwood's kindly admonition I could not enjoy +the delicious lunch we had ordered. The presence of a mysterious man +at the table opposite ours robbed the meal of its flavor and me of my +self-possession. + +I could not be sure, of course, that the man had purposely followed me +from the little reception room of the Sydenham, where I had waited for +Lillian. There I had first seen him staring frankly at me with such +a sad, mysterious, tragic look in his eyes that I had been most +bewildered and upset by it. But his appearance at the tea room within +a few minutes of our entering it, and his choice of a chair which +faced our table indicated rather strongly that he had purposely +followed me. + +Whether or not Lillian's flashing eyes and the withering look she gave +him deterred him from gazing at me as steadily as he had at the hotel +I had no means of knowing. At any rate, he did not once stare openly +at me. I should have known it if he had, for his position was such +that unless I kept my eyes steadily fixed upon my plate, I could not +help but see him. He was unobtrusive, but I received the impression +that he was keeping track of every movement in the furtive glances he +cast at us from time to time. + +Although he had ordered after us, his meal kept pace with our own. In +fact, he called for his check, paid it and left the restaurant before +we did. As he passed out of the door I drew a breath of relief and +fell to my neglected lunch. + +"I hope I've seen the last of him," I said vindictively. + +Lillian did not answer. I looked up surprised to see her chin cupped +in her hands, in the attitude which was characteristic of her when she +was studying some problem, her eyes following the man as he made his +way slowly down the street, swinging his stick with a pre-occupied +air. She continued to stare after him until he was out of sight, then +with a start, she came back to herself. + +"You were right, Madge, and I was wrong," she said reflectively, still +as if she were studying her problem; "that man is no 'masher.'" + +I looked up startled. "What makes you think so?" I asked breathlessly. + +"I don't know," she returned, "but he either thinks he knows you, +or you remind him of some dead daughter, or sister--or sweetheart, +or--oh, there might be any one of a dozen reasons why he would want +to stare at you. I think he's harmless, though. He probably won't +ever try to speak to you--just take it out in following you around and +looking at you." + +"Oh," I gasped, "do you think he's going to keep this up?" + +"Looks like it," Lillian returned, "but simply ignore him. He has all +the ear-marks of a gentleman. I don't think he will annoy you. Now +forget him and enjoy your ice, and then we'll go and get that hat." + +Under Lillian's guidance the selection of the hat proved an easy task. + +Lillian bade me good-by at the door of the hat shop. + +"You don't need me any longer, do you?" she asked, "now that this hat +question is settled?" + +"No, no, Lillian," I returned, "and I am awfully grateful to you for +giving me so much of your time." + +"'Til Wednesday, then," Lillian said, "good-by." + +I had quite a long list in my purse of small purchases to be made. At +last even the smallest item on my list was attended to, and, wearied +as only shopping can tire a woman, I went over to the railroad +station. In my hurry of departure in the morning I had forgotten my +mileage ticket, so that I had to go to the ticket office to purchase a +ticket to Marvin. + +I had forgotten all about the man who had annoyed me in the reception +room of the Sydenham, and the little English tea room, so, when I +turned from buying my ticket to find him standing near enough to me to +have heard the name of Marvin, I was startled and terrified. + +He did not once glance toward me, however, but strolled away quickly, +as if in finding out the name of my home town he had learned all he +wished. + +I was thoroughly upset as I hurried to my train, and all through my +hour's journey home to Marvin the thought of the man troubled me. What +was the secret of his persistent espionage? The coincidences of the +day had been too numerous for me to doubt that the man was following +me around with the intention of learning my identity. + +When the train stopped at Marvin I was aghast to see the mysterious +stranger alight from it hurriedly and go into the waiting room of the +station. I thought I saw his scheme. From the window of the station he +could see me as I alighted, and either ascertain my identity from the +station agent or from the driver of whatever taxi I took. + +I had only felt terror of the man before, but now I was thoroughly +indignant. "The thing had gone far enough," I told myself grimly. +Instead of getting off the train I passed to the next car, resolving +to stop at the next village, Crest Haven, and take a taxi home from +there. + +The ruse succeeded. As the train sped on toward Crest Haven I had +a quiet little smile at the way I had foiled the curiosity of the +mysterious stranger. + +I debated for some time whether or not I ought to tell Dicky of +the incident. I had so much experience of his intensely jealous +temperament that I feared he might magnify and distort the incident. + +Finally I temporized by resolving to say nothing to Dicky unless the +man's tracking of me reached the point of attempting to speak to +me. But the consciousness of keeping a secret from Dicky made me +pre-occupied during our dinner. + +Dicky reached home an hour after I did, and all through the dinner +hour I noticed him casting curious glances at me from time to time. + +"What's the matter?" he asked, as after dinner he and I went out to +the screened porch to drink our coffee. + +"Why, nothing," I responded guiltily. "Why do you ask?" + +"You act as if you thought you had the responsibility of the great war +on your shoulders," Dicky returned. + +"I haven't a care in the world," I assured him gayly, and +arousing myself from my depression I spent the next hour in gay, +inconsequential chatter in an attempt to prove to Dicky that I meant +what I said. + +In the kitchen I heard the voices of Jim and Katie. They were raised +earnestly as if discussing something about which they disagreed. +Presently Katie appeared on the veranda. + +"Plees, Missis Graham, can you joost coom to kitchen, joost one little +meenit." + +"Certainly, Katie," I replied, rising, while Dicky mumbled a +half-laughing, half-serious protest. + +"I'll be back in a minute, Dicky," I promised, lightly. + +It was full five before I returned, for Jim had something to tell me, +which confirmed my impression that the mysterious stranger's spying +upon me was something to be reckoned with. + +"I didn't think I ought to worry you with this, Mrs. Graham, but Katie +thinks you ought to know it, and what she says goes, you know." He +cast a fatuous smile at the girl, who giggled joyously. "To-night, +down at Crest Haven, I overheard one of the taxi drivers telling +another about a guy that had come down there and described a woman +whom he said must have gotten off at Crest Haven and taken a taxi back +to Marvin. The description fitted you all right, and the driver gave +him your name and address. He said he got a five spot for doing it." + +My face was white, my hands cold, as I listened to Jim, but I +controlled myself, and said, quietly: + +"Thank you, Jim, very much for telling me, but I do not think it +amounts to anything." + + + + +XXXII + +"THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + +Dinner with Dicky in a public dining room is almost always a delight +to me. He has the rare art of knowing how to order a perfect dinner, +and when he is in a good humor he is most entertaining. He knows by +sight or by personal acquaintance almost every celebrity of the +city, and his comments on them have an uncommon fascination for me +because of the monotony of my life before I met Dicky. + +But the very expression of my mother-in-law's back as I followed her +through the glittering grill room of the Sydenham told me that our +chances for having a pleasant evening were slender indeed. + +"Well, mother, what do you want to eat?" Dicky began genially, when an +obsequious waiter had seated us and put the menu cards before us. + +"Please do not consider me in the least," my mother-in-law said with +her most Christian-martyr-like expression. "Whatever you and Margaret +wish will do very well for me." + +Dicky turned from his mother with a little impatient shrug. + +"What about you, Madge?" he asked. + +"Chicken a la Maryland in a chafing dish and a combination salad with +that anchovy and sherry dressing you make so deliciously," I replied +promptly. "The rest of the dinner I'll leave to you." + +My mother-in-law glared at me. + +"It strikes me there isn't much left to leave to him after an order of +that kind," she said, tartly. + +"You haven't eaten many of Dicky's dinners then," I said audaciously, +with a little moue at him. "He orders the most perfect dinners of any +one I know." + +"Of course, with your wide experience, you ought to be a critical +judge of his ability," my mother-in-law snapped back. + +Her tone was even more insulting than her words. It tipped with +cruel venom her allusion to the quiet, almost cloistered life of my +girlhood. + +I drew a long breath as I saw my mother-in-law adjust her lorgnette +and proceed to gaze through it with critical hauteur at the other +diners. I hoped that her curiosity and interest in the things going on +around her would make her forget her imaginary grievances, but my hope +was destined to be short lived. + +It was while we were discussing our oysters, the very first offered of +the season, that she spoke to me, suddenly, abruptly: + +"Margaret, do you know that man at the second table back of us? He +hasn't taken his eyes from you for the last ten minutes." + +My heart almost stopped beating, for my intuition told me at once the +identity of the gazer. It must be the man whose uncanny, mournful look +had so distressed me when I was waiting for Lillian Underwood in the +little reception room at the Sydenham the preceding Monday, the man +who had followed us to the little tea room, who had even taken the +same train to Marvin with me. + +I felt as if I could not lift my eyes to look at the man my +mother-in-law indicated, and yet I knew I must glance casually at +him if I were to avert the displeased suspicion which I already saw +creeping into her eyes. + +When my eyes met his he gave not the slightest sign that he knew I was +looking at him, simply continued his steady gaze, which had something +of wistful mournfulness in it. I averted my eyes as quickly as +possible, and tried to look absolutely unconcerned. + +"I am sure he cannot be looking at me," I said, lightly. "I do not +know him at all." + +I hoped that my mother-in-law would not notice my evasion, but she was +too quick for me. + +"You may not know him, but have you ever seen him before?" she asked, +shrewdly. + +"Really, mother," Dicky interposed, his face darkening, "you're going +a little too far with that catechism. Madge says she doesn't know the +man, that settles it. By the way, Madge, is he annoying you? If he is, +I can settle him in about two seconds." + +"Oh, no," I said nervously, "I don't think the man's really looking at +me at all; he's simply gazing out into space, thinking, and happens +to be facing this way. It would be supremely ridiculous to call him to +account for it." + +My mother-in-law snorted, but made no further comment, evidently +silenced by Dicky's reproof. + +I may have imagined it, but it seemed to me that Dicky looked at me +a little curiously when I protested my belief that the man was simply +absorbed in thought and not looking at me at all. + +When we were dallying with the curiously moulded ices which Dicky had +ordered for dessert, I saw his eyes light up as he caught sight of +some one he evidently knew. + +"Pardon me just a minute, will you?" he said, turning to his mother +and me, apologetically, "I see Bob Simonds over there with a bunch of +fellows. Haven't seen him in a coon's age. He's been over across the +pond in the big mixup. Didn't know he was back. I don't want any more +of this ice, anyway, and when the waiter comes, order cheese, coffee +and a cordial for us all." + +He was gone in another instant, making his way with the swift, +debonair grace which is always a part of Dicky, to the group of men at +a table not far from ours, who welcomed him joyously. + +My mother-in-law's eyes followed mine, and I knew that for once, at +least, we were of one mind, and that mind was full of pride in the man +so dear to, us both. He was easily the most distinguished figure at +the table full of men who greeted him so joyously. I knew that his +mother noted with me how cordial was the welcome each man gave Dicky, +how they all seemed to defer to him and hang upon his words. + +Then across my vision came a picture most terrifying to me. It was +as if my mother-in-law and I were spectators of a series of motion +picture films. Toward the table, where Dicky stood surrounded by his +friends, there sauntered the mysterious stranger, who had attracted my +mother-in-law's attention by his scrutiny of me. + +But he was no stranger to the men surrounding Dicky. Most of them +greeted him warmly. Of course, I was too far away to hear what was +said, but I saw the pantomime in which he requested an introduction to +Dicky of one of his friends! + +Then I saw the stranger meet Dicky and engage him in earnest +conversation. I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law. I knew she +was gazing in open-mouthed wonder at her son, but I hoped she did not +know the queer mixture of terror and interest with which I watched the +picture at the other table. + +For it was no surprise to me when, a few minutes later, Dicky came +back toward our table. With him, talking earnestly, as if he had been +a childhood friend, walked the mysterious stranger. I told myself that +I had known it would be so from the first. + +From the moment I had first seen this man's haunting eyes gazing at me +in the reception room of the Sydenham I had felt that a meeting with +him was inevitable. How or where he would touch my life I did not +know, but that he was destined to wield some influence, sinister or +favorable, over me, I was sure, and I trembled with vague terror as I +saw him drawing near. + +"Mother, may I present Mr. Gordon? My wife, Mr. Gordon." + +Dicky's manner was nervous, preoccupied, as he spoke. His mother's +face showed very plainly her resentment at being obliged to meet the +man upon whose steady staring at me she had so acidly commented a few +minutes before. + +For my own part, I was so upset that I felt actually ill, as the eyes +of the persistent stranger met mine. How had this man, who had so +terrified me by his persistent pursuit and scrutiny, managed to obtain +an introduction to Dicky? + +Dicky made a place for the man near me, and signalled the waiter. + +"I know you have dined," he said, courteously, "but you'll at least +have coffee and a cordial with us, will you not?" + +"Thank you," Mr. Gordon said, in a deep, rich voice, "I have not yet +had coffee. If you will be so kind, I should like a little apricot +brandy instead of a cordial." + +Dicky gave the necessary order to the waiter, and we all sat back in +our chairs. + +I, for one, felt as though I were a spectator at a play, waiting for +the curtain to run up upon some thrilling episode. For the few minutes +while we waited for our coffee, Dicky had to carry the burden of the +conversation. His mother, with her lips pressed together in a tight, +thin line, evidently had resolved to take no part in any conversation +with the stranger. I was really too terrified to say anything, and, +besides the briefest of assents to Dicky's observations, the stranger +said nothing. + +There was something about the man's whole personality that both +attracted and repelled me. With one breath I felt that I had a curious +sense of liking and admiration for him, and was proud of the interest +in me, which he had taken no pains to conceal. The next moment a real +terror and dislike of him swept over me. + +I waited with beating heart for him to finish his coffee. It seemed +to me that I could hardly wait for him to speak. For I had a psychic +presentiment that before he left the table he would make known to us +the reason for his rude pursuit of me. + +His first words confirmed my impression: + +"I am afraid, Mrs. Graham," he said, courteously, turning to me, as +he finished his coffee, "that I have startled and alarmed you by my +endeavor to ascertain your identity." + +I did not answer him. I did not wish to tell him that I had been +frightened; neither could I truthfully deny his assertion. And I +wished that I had not evaded my mother-in-law's query concerning him. + +He did not appear to heed my silence however, but went on rapidly: + +"It is a very simple matter, after all," he said. "You see, you +resemble so closely a very dear friend of my youth, in fact, the +dearest I ever had, that when I caught sight of you the other day +in the reception room of the Sydenham, it seemed as if her very self +stood before me." + +There was a vibrant, haunting note in his voice that told me, better +than words, that, whoever this woman of his youth might have been, her +memory was something far more to him than of a mere friend. + +"I could not rest until I found out your identity, and secured an +introduction to you," he went on. "You will not be offended if I ask +you one or two rather personal questions, will you?" + +"Indeed, no," I returned mechanically. + +Mr. Gordon hesitated. His suave self-possession seemed to have +deserted him. He swallowed hard twice, and then asked, nervously: + +"May I ask your name before you were married, Mrs. Graham?" + +"Margaret Spencer," I returned steadily. + +There was a cry of astonishment from Dicky. Mr. Gordon had reeled in +his chair as if he were about to faint, then, with closed eyes and +white lips, he sat motionless, gripping the table as if for support. + +"Do not be alarmed--I am all right--only a momentary faintness, I +assure you." + +Mr. Gordon opened his eyes and smiled at us wanly. + +I knew that Dicky was as much relieved as I at our guest's return +to self-command. That he was resentful as well as mystified at the +singular behavior of Mr. Gordon I also gleaned from his darkened face, +and a little steely glint in his eyes. + +"I hope that you will forgive me," Mr. Gordon went on, and his rich +voice was so filled with regret and humility that I felt my heart +soften toward him. + +"I trust you have not gained the impression that my momentary +faintness had anything to do with your name," he said. "My attack at +that time was merely a coincidence. I am subject to these spells of +faintness. I hope this one did not alarm you." + +He looked at me directly, as if expecting an answer. + +"I am not easily alarmed," I returned, trying hard to keep out of my +voice anything save the indifferent courtesy which one would bestow +upon a stranger, for the atmosphere of mystery seemed deepening about +this stranger and me. I did not believe he had spoken the truth, +when he said that my utterance of my maiden name, in response to his +question, had nothing to do with his faintness. I was as certain as I +was of anything that it was the utterance of that name, the revelation +of my identity thus made to him, that caused his emotion. I sat +thrilled, tense, in anticipation of revelations to follow. + +Mr. Gordon's voice was quiet, but a poignant little thrill ran through +it, which I caught as he spoke again. + +"Was not your mother's name Margaret Bickett and your father's, +Charles Spencer?" he asked. + +"You are quite correct." I forced the words through lips stiffened by +excitement. + +I saw Dicky look at me curiously, almost impatiently, but I had no +eyes, no ears, save for the mysterious stranger who was quizzing me +about my parents. + +One of Mr. Gordon's hands was beneath the table; as he was sitting +next to his I saw what no one else did--that the long, slender, +sensitive fingers pressed themselves deeply, quiveringly, into the +palm at my affirmation of his question. But except for that momentary +grip there was no evidence of excitement in his demeanor as he turned +to me. + +"I thought so," he said quietly. "I have found the daughter of +the dearest friends I ever had. Your resemblance to your mother is +marvelous. I remember that you looked much like her when you were a +tiny girl." + +"You were at our home in my childhood, then?" I asked, wondering if +this might be the explanation of my uncanny notion that I had sometime +in my life seen this man bending over his demitasse as he had done a +few minutes before. + +"Oh, yes," he said, "your mother, as I have told you, was the dearest +friend I ever had. And your father was my other self--then--" + +His emphasis upon the word "then" gave me a quick stab of pain, for +it recalled the odium with which every one who had known my childhood +seemed to regard the memory of my father. + +I, myself, had no memories of my father. My mother had never spoken +of him to me but once, when she had told me the terrible story of his +faithlessness. + +When I was four years old he had run away from us both with my +mother's dearest friend, and neither she, nor any of his friends, had +ever heard of him afterward. I had always felt a sort of hatred of my +unknown father, who had deserted me and so cruelly treated my mother, +and the knowledge that this man was an intimate of his turned me +faint. + +But if Mr. Gordon's inflection meant anything it meant that even if he +had been my father's "other self," my mother's desertion had aroused +in him the same contempt for my father that all the rest of our little +world had felt. I felt my indefinable feeling of repulsion against +the man melt into warm approval of him. He had loved the mother I had +idolized, had resented her wrongs, and I felt my heart go out to him. + +"I cannot tell you what this finding of your wife means to me," +said Mr. Gordon, turning to Dicky. The inflection of his voice, the +movement of his hand, spelled a subtle appeal to the younger man. + +"I have been a wanderer for years," the deep, rich voice went on. "I +have no family ties"--he hesitated for a moment, with a curious little +air of indecision--"no wife, no child. I am a very lonely man. I wonder +if it would be asking too much to let me come to see you once in a +while and renew the memories of my youth in this dear child?" + +He turned to me with the most fascinating little air of deferential +admiration I had ever seen. + +But I looked in vain for any answer to his appeal in Dicky's eyes. My +husband still retained the air of formal, puzzled courtesy with which +he had brought Mr. Gordon to our table and introduced him to us. I +could see that the mysterious stranger's appeal to be made an intimate +of our home did not meet with Dicky's approval. + +I could not understand the impulse that made me turn toward the +stranger and say, earnestly: "I shall be so glad to have you come to +see us, Mr. Gordon. I want you to tell me about my mother's youth." + + + + +XXXIII + +"MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + +It may have been the preparation we were making for an autumn vacation +in the Catskills, or it may have been that Dicky was becoming more +the master of himself, that he did not voice to me the very real +uneasiness with which I knew he viewed Robert Gordon's attitude toward +me. But whatever may have been the cause, the fact is that during +the preparations for our trip and during the vacation itself in the +gorgeous autumn-clad mountains Dicky did not refer to Robert Gordon. + +It was my mother-in-law who brought his name up the day of our return. +She had moved from the hotel where we had left her in the city to +the house at Marvin, and when we arrived there her greeting of me was +almost icy. As soon as we had taken off our wraps, she explained her +departure from the hotel without any questioning from us. + +"I never have been so insulted and annoyed in my life," she began +abruptly, "and it is all your fault, Richard. If you never had brought +the unspeakable person over he would not have had the chance to annoy +me. And as for you, Margaret, I cannot begin to tell you what I think +of your conduct in leading your husband to believe you had never seen +the man before--" + +"For heaven's sake, mother!" Dicky exploded, his slender patience +evidently worn to its last thread by his mother's incoherence, "what +on earth are you talking about?" + +"Don't pretend ignorance," she snapped. "You introduced the man to +me yourself the night before you went on your trip. You cannot have +forgotten his name so soon." + +"Robert Gordon!" Dicky exclaimed in amazement. + +"Yes, Robert Gordon!" his mother returned grimly. "And let me tell +you, Richard Graham, that if you do not settle that man he will make +you the laughing stock and the scandal of everybody. The way he talks +of Margaret is disgusting." + +Dicky's face became suddenly stern and set. + +"He didn't exhibit his lack of good taste the first time he came over +to my table in the dining room," my mother-in-law went on. "But the +second time he sat down with me he began to talk of Margaret in the +most fulsome, extravagant manner. From that time his sole topic of +conversation was Margaret, the wonderful woman she had grown into, the +wonderful attraction she has for him. You would have thought him a +man who had discovered his lost sweetheart after years of wandering. +Imagine the lack of decency and good taste the man must have to say +such things to me, the mother of Margaret's husband!" + +"Is that all you have to say, mother?" he asked. + +She looked at him in amazement. + +"Are you lost to all decency that you do not resent such extravagant +praise and admiration of your wife from the lips of another man?" she +demanded, and then in the same breath went on rapidly: + +"Richard, you are perfectly hopeless! The man may have been in love +with Margaret's mother, I do not doubt that he was, but have you never +heard of such men falling in love with the daughters of the women they +once loved hopelessly?" + +"Don't make the poor man out a potential Mormon, mother!" Dicky jibed. + +"Jeer at your old mother if you wish, Richard," his mother went on +icily, "but let me tell you that Mr. Gordon is madly in love with +Margaret and if you do not look out you will have a scandal on your +hands." + +"You are going a bit too far in your excitement, mother," Dicky said +sternly. "You may not realize it, but you are insinuating that there +might be a possible chance of Madge's returning the man's admiration." + +"I am not insinuating anything," his mother returned, white-lipped +with anger, "but I certainly think Margaret owes both you and me an +explanation of the untruth she told us at the supper table the night +you introduced Mr. Gordon to us." + +I sprang to my feet with my cheeks afire. + +"Mother Graham, I have listened to you with respect as long as I can," +I exclaimed. "Whatever else you have to say to my husband about me you +can say in my absence. If he at any time wishes an explanation of any +action of mine he has only to ask me for it." + +White with rage I dashed out of the room, up the stairs and into my +own room, locking the door behind me. In a few minutes Dicky's step +came swiftly up the stairs; his knock sounded on my door. + +"Madge, let me in," he commanded, but the note of tenderness in his +voice was the influence that hurried my fingers in the turning of the +key. + +As I opened the door he strode in past me, closed and locked the door +again, and, turning, caught me in his arms. + +"Don't you dare to cry!" he stormed, kissing my reddened eyelids. +"Aren't you ever going to get used to mother's childish outbursts? +You know she doesn't mean what she says in those tantrums of hers. +She simply works herself up to a point where she's absolutely +irresponsible, and she has to explode or burst. You wouldn't like to +see a perfectly good mother-in-law strewn in fragment all over the +room, simply because she had restrained her temper, would you?" he +added, with the quick transition from hot anger to whimsical good +nature that I always find so bewildering in him. + +I struggled for composure. My mother-in-law's words had been too +scathing, her insult too direct for me to look upon it as lightly as +Dicky could, but the knowledge that he had come directly after me, and +that he had no part in the resentment his mother showed, made it easy +for me to control myself. + +"I ought to remember that your mother is an old woman, and an invalid, +and not allow myself to get angry at some of the unjust things she +says," I returned, swallowing hard. "So we'll just forget all about it +and pretend it never happened." + +"You darling!" Dicky exclaimed, drawing me closer, and for a moment or +two I rested in his arms, gathering courage for the confession I meant +to make to him. + +"Dicky, dear," I murmured at last, "there is something I want to tell +you about this miserable business, something I ought to have told you +before, but I kept putting it off." + +Dicky held me from him and looked at me quizzically, "'Confession is +good for the soul,'" he quoted, "so unburden your dreadful secret." + +He drew me to an easy chair and sat down, holding me in his arms as if +I were a little child. "Now for it," he said, smiling tenderly at me. + +"It isn't so very terrible," I smiled at him reassured by his +tenderness. "It is only that without telling you a deliberate untruth, +that I gave both you and your mother the impression I had never seen +Mr. Gordon before that night at the Sydenham." + +"Is that all?" mocked Dicky. "Why, I knew that the moment you spoke +as you did that night! You're as transparent as a child, my dear, and +besides, your elderly friend let the cat out of the bag when he said +he feared he had annoyed you by trying to find out your identity. I +knew you must have seen him somewhere." + +"You don't know all," I persisted, and then without reservation I told +him frankly the whole story of Mr. Gordon's spying upon me. I omitted +nothing. + +When I had finished, Dicky's face had lost its quizzical look. He was +frowning, not angrily, but as if puzzled. + +"Don't think I blame you one bit," he said slowly; "but it looks to me +as if mother's dope might be right, as if the old guy is smitten with +you after all." + +"I cannot hope to make your understand, Dicky," I began, "how confused +my emotions are concerning Mr. Gordon. I think perhaps I can tell you +best by referring to something about which we have never talked but +once--the story I told you before we were married of the tragedy in my +mother's life." + +"I believe you told me that neither your mother nor you had ever heard +anything of your father since he left." Dicky's voice was casual, but +there was a note in it that puzzled me. + +"That is true," I answered, and then stopped, for the conviction had +suddenly come to me that while I had never seen nor heard from my +father since he left us--indeed, I had no recollection of him--yet +I was not sure whether or not my mother had ever received any +communication from him. I had heard her say that she had no idea +whether he was living or dead, and I had received my impression from +that. But even as I answered Dicky's question there came to my mind +the memory of an injunction my mother had once laid upon me, +an injunction which concerned a locked and sealed box among her +belongings. + +I felt that I could not speak of it even to Dicky, so put all thought +of it aside until I should be alone. + +"I do not think I can make you understand," I began, "how torn between +two emotions I have always been when I think of my father. Of course, +the predominant feeling toward him has always been hatred for the +awful suffering he caused my mother. I never heard anything to foster +this feeling, however, from my mother. She rarely spoke of him, but +when she did it was always to tell me of the adoration he had felt for +me as a baby, of the care and money he had lavished on me. But while +with one part of me I longed to hear her tell me of those early days, +yet the hatred I felt for him always surged so upon me as to make me +refuse to listen to any mention of him. + +"But since she went away from me the desire to know something of +my father has become almost an obsession with me. My hatred of his +treachery to my mother is still as strong as ever, but in my mother's +last illness she told me that she forgave him, and asked me if ever he +came into my life to forget the past and to remember only that he +was my father. I am afraid I never could do that, but yet I long so +earnestly to know something of him. + +"So now you see, Dicky," I concluded, "why Mr. Gordon has such a +fascination for me. He knew my father and my mother--from his own +words I gather that he was the nearest person to them. He is the only +link connecting me with my babyhood, for Jack Bickett, my nearest +relative, was but a young boy himself when my father left, and +remembered little about it. I don't want to displease you, Dicky, but +I would so like to see Mr. Gordon occasionally." + +Dicky held me close and kissed me. + +"Why, certainly, sweetheart," he exclaimed. "Whenever you wish I'll +arrange a little dinner down-town for Mr. Gordon. What do you think +about inviting the Underwoods, too? They could entertain me while +you're talking over your family history." + +"That would be very nice," I agreed, but I had an inward dread of +talking to Robert Gordon with the malicious eyes of Harry Underwood +upon me. Indeed, I felt intuitively that if ever Mr. Gordon were to +reveal the history of his friendship for my mother to me, it would be +when no other ears, not even Dicky's, were listening. + +Dicky kissed me again and then he rose and went out of the room +quickly, closing the door behind him. I waited until I heard his +footsteps descending the stairs before turning the key in the lock. +Then I went directly to a little old trunk which I had kept in my own +room ever since my mother's death, and, kneeling before it unlocked it +with reverent fingers. + + + + +XXXIV + +A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + +It was my mother's own girlhood trunk, one in which she had kept +her treasures and mementoes all her life. The chief delight of my +childhood had been sitting by her side when she took out the different +things from it and showed them to me. + +Dear, thoughtful, little mother of mine! Almost the last thing she did +before her strength failed her utterly was to repack the little trunk, +wrapping and labeling each thing it contained, and putting into +it only the things she knew I would not use, but wished to keep as +memories of her and of my own childhood. + +"I do not wish you to have to look over these things while your grief +is still fresh for me," she had said, with the divine thoughtfulness +that mothers keep until the last breath they draw. "There is nothing +in it that you will have to look at for years if you do not wish to +do so--that is, except one package that I am going to tell you about +now." + +She stopped to catch the breath which was so pitifully short in those +torturing days before her death, and over her face swept the look of +agony which always accompanied any mention by her of my father. + +"In the top tray of this trunk," she said, "you will find the inlaid +lock box that was your grandmother's and that you have always +admired so much. I do not wish to lay any request or command upon you +concerning it--you must be the only judge of your own affairs after I +leave you--but I would advise you not to open that box unless you are +in desperate straits, or until the time has come when you feel that +you no longer harbor the resentment you now feel toward your father." + +The last words had come faintly through stiffened white lips, for her +labor at packing and the emotional strain of talking to me concerning +the future had brought on one of the dreaded heart attacks which +were so terribly frequent in the last weeks of her life. We had never +spoken of the matter afterward, for she did not leave her bed again +until the end. + +At one time she had motioned me to bring from her desk the +old-fashioned key ring on which she kept her keys. She had held up +two, a tiny key and a larger one, and whispered hoarsely: "These keys +are the keys to the lock box and the little trunk--you know where +the others belong." Then she had closed her eyes, as if the effort of +speaking had exhausted her, as indeed it had. + +In the wild grief which followed my mother's death there was no +thought of my unknown father except the bitterness I had always felt +toward him. I knew that the terrible sorrow he had caused my mother +had helped to shorten her life, and my heart was hot with anger +against him. + +I had never opened the trunk since her death. The exciting, almost +tragic experiences of my life with Dicky had swept all the old days +into the background. I could not analyze the change that had come over +me. As I lifted the lid of the trunk and took from the top tray the +inlaid box which my mother's hands had last touched, my grief for her +was mingled with a strange new longing to find out anything I could +concerning the father I had never known. + +"For my daughter Margaret's eyes alone." + +The superscription on the envelope which I held in my hand stared up +at me with all the sentience of a living thing. The letters were in +the crabbed, trembling, old-fashioned handwriting of my mother--the +last words that she had ever written. It was as if she had come back +from the dead to talk to me. + +With the memory of my mother's advice, I hesitated for a long time +before breaking the seal. With the letters pressed close against my +tear-wet cheeks I sat for a long time, busy with memories of my mother +and debating whether or not I had the right to open the letter. + +I certainly was not in desperate straits, and I could not +conscientiously say that I no longer harbored any resentment +toward^the father of whom I had no recollection. I felt that never in +my life could I fully pardon the man who had made my mother suffer so +terribly. But the longing to know something of my father, which I had +felt since the coming into my life of Robert Gordon, had become almost +an obsession, with me. + +"Little mother," I whispered, "forgive me if I am doing wrong, but I +must know what is in this letter to me." + +With trembling fingers I broke the seal and drew out the closely +written pages which the envelope contained. + +"Mother's Only Comfort," the letter began, and at the sight of the +dear familiar words, which I had so often heard from my mother's +lips--it was the name she had given me when a tiny girl, and which she +used until the day of her death--tears again blinded my eyes. + + "When you read this I shall have left you forever. It is my prayer + that when the time comes for you to read it, it will be because you + have forgiven your father, not because you are in desperate need. How + I wish I could have seen you safe in the shelter of a good man's love + before I had to go away from you forever!" + +"Safe in the shelter of a good man's love," I repeated the words +thoughtfully. Had my mother been given her wish when she could no +longer witness its fulfilment? I was angry and humiliated at myself +that I could not give a swift, unqualified assent to my own question. +A "good man" Dicky certainly was, and I was in the "shelter of his +love" at present. But "safe" with Dicky I was afraid I could never +be. Mingled always with my love for him, my trust in him, was a +tiny undercurrent of uncertainty as to the stability of my husband's +affection for me. + +As I turned to my mother's letter again, there was a tiny pang at my +heart at the thought that by my marriage with Dicky I had thwarted the +dearest wish of my little mother's heart. + +For between the lines I could read the unspoken thought that had been +in her mind since I was a very young girl. "Safe in the shelter of a +good man's love" meant to my mother only one thing. If she had written +the words "safe in the shelter of Jack Bickett's love," I could not +have grasped her meaning more clearly. + +But my mother's wish must forever remain ungranted. Jack was +"somewhere in France," and for me, safe or not safe, stable or +unstable, Dicky was "my man," the only man I had ever loved, the only +man I could ever love. "For better or worse," the dear old minister +had said who performed our wedding ceremony, and my heart reaffirmed +the words as I bent my eyes again to the closely written pages I held +in my hands. + + "Because you have always been so bitter, Margaret, against your + father, and because it has always caused me great anguish to speak of + him, I have allowed you to rest under the impression that I had never + heard anything concerning him since his disappearance, and that I do + not know whether he be living or dead. The last statement is true, for + years ago I definitely refused to receive any communication from him, + but I must tell you that I believe him to be living, and that I know + that living or dead he has provided money for your use if you should + ever wish to claim it. + + "The address he last sent me, and that of the firm of lawyers who + has the management of the property intended for you, are sealed in + envelopes in this box. In it also are all the things necessary to + establish your identity, my marriage certificate, your birth record, + pictures of your father and of me, and of the three of us taken when + you were two years old, before the shadow of the awful tragedy that + came later had begun to fall." + +I sprang from my chair, dropping the pages of the letter unheeded in +the shock of the revelation they brought me. My father had planned for +me; had provided for me; had tried to communicate with my mother! He +must have been repentant; he was not all the heartless brute I had +thought him. As though a cloud had been lifted, from my life and a +weary weight had rolled from my heart, I turned again to mother's +letter. + + "Remember, it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be + living, sometime you may be reconciled, to him. I have been weak and + bitter enough during all these years to be meanly comforted by your + stanch championship of me, and your detestation of the wrong your + father did me. But death brings clearer vision, my child, and I cannot + wish that your father's last years,--if, indeed, he be living--should + be desolated by not knowing you. I want you to know that there were + many things which, while they did not extenuate your father, yet might + in some measure explain his action. + + "I was much to blame--I can see it now, for not being able to hold + his love. You are so much like me, my darling, that I tremble for your + happiness if you should happen to marry the wrong kind of man. I have + wondered often if the story of my tragedy, terrible as it is for me to + think of it, might not help you. And yet--it might do more harm than + good. At any rate, I have written it all out, and put it with the + other things in the box. I feel a curious sort of fatalism concerning + this letter. It is borne in upon me that if you ever need to read it + you will read it. It will help you to understand your father better. + It may help you to understand your husband; although, God grant, + knowledge like mine may never come to you. + + "Of one thing I am certain, you will never have anything to do with + the woman who abused my friendship and took your father from me. I + cannot carry my forgiveness far enough, even in the presence of death, + to bid you go to him if she be still a part of his life. + + "I can write no more, my darling. I want you to know that you have + been the dearest child a mother could have, and that you have never + given me moment's uneasiness in my life. God bless and keep you. + + "MOTHER." + +I did not weep when I had finished the letter. There was that in its +closing words that dried my tears. I put the pages reverently in +the envelope, laid it in the old box, closed and locked the lid, and +replaced it in the trunk. For my mother's bitter mention of the woman +who had stolen my father from her had brought back the old, wild +hatred I had felt for so many years. + +"Whatever Robert Gordon can tell me of you, mother darling, I will +gladly hear," I whispered, as I locked her old trunk, "but I never +want to hear him talk of the woman who so cruelly ruined your life." + + + + +XXXV + +THE WORD OF JACK + + +"O, pray do not let me disturb you." + +Mother Graham drew back from the open door of the living room with +a little affected start of surprise at seeing me sitting before the +fire. Her words were courteous, but her manner brought the temperature +of the room down perceptibly. + +She had managed to keep out of my way in clever fashion since the +scene of the day before, when she had attacked me concerning the +interest taken in me by Robert Gordon. + +"You are not disturbing me in the least," I said, pleasantly, "I was +simply watching the fire. Jim certainly has outdone himself in the +matter of logs this time." + +"Yes, he has," she admitted, grudgingly, as she came forward slowly +and took the chair I proffered her. "I only hope he doesn't set the +house afire with such a blaze. I must tell Richard to speak to him +about it." + +Always the pin prick, the absolute ignoring of me as the mistress of +the house. I could not tell whether she had deliberately done it, or +whether long usage to dominance in a household had made her speak as +she did unconsciously. + +I made no reply, and, for a long time, we sat staring at the fire +until Dicky's entrance came as a welcome interruption. + +I went sedately to the door to meet him, although I was so glad to +see him that a dance step would more appropriately have expressed my +feelings, and returned his warm kiss and greeting. He kept my hand in +his as he came down to the fire, not even releasing it when he kissed +his mother, who still maintained the rigid dignity with which she +surrounded herself when displeased. + +"Well," Dicky said, manfully ignoring any hint of unpleasantness, +"this is what I call comfortable, coming home to a fire and a welcome +like this on a dreary day." + +There was a note of forced jollity in his voice that made me look up +quickly into his eyes. As they looked into mine, I caught a glimpse of +something half-hidden, half-revealed, something fiercely sombre, which +frightened me. + +"What had happened," I asked myself, with a little clutch at my heart, +"to make Dicky look at me in this way?" I had a longing to take him +away where we could be alone. + +I was glad when my mother-in-law rose stiffly from her chair. + +"If you are too much occupied, Margaret," she remarked, icily, "I will +go and tell Katie that Richard is here, and that she may serve dinner +immediately." + +She swept out of the room majestically, and as the door closed after +her Dicky caught me in his arms and clasped me so closely that I was +frightened. + +"Tell me you love me," he said tensely, "better than anybody in the +world or out of it." His eyes were glowing with some emotion I could +not understand. I felt my vague uneasiness of his first entrance +deepen into real foreboding of something unknown and terrible coming +to me. + +"Why, of course, you know that, sweetheart," I replied. "There is no +one for me but just you! But what is the matter? Something must be the +matter." + +"Where did you get that idea?" he evaded. "I just wanted to be sure, +that's all. Wait here for me--I'll dash up and get some of the dust +off in a jiffy before dinner." + +I spent an anxious interval before, he came down, for, despite his +denials, I felt that something out of the ordinary must have happened +to cause his queer, passionate outburst. + +When he returned to, the living room, it was with no trace of any +emotion, and throughout the dinner, while not so given to conversation +as usual, he showed no indication that he was at all disturbed. + +But I was very glad when the dinner was over, and we returned to the +living-room fire. And when, after a few minutes, my mother-in-law +yawned sleepily and went to her room, I drew a deep breath of relief. + +Dicky drew my chair close to his, and we sat for a long time looking +at the leaping flames, only occasionally speaking. + +It was at the end of a long silence that Dicky turned toward me, with +eyes so troubled that all my fears leaped up anew. I sprang to my +feet. + +"What is it, Dicky?" I entreated, wildly. "Oh! I know something +terrible is the matter!" + +He rose from his chair, and clasped my hands tightly. + +"I suppose I'd better tell you quickly, dear," he replied. "Your +cousin, Jack Bickett, is reported killed." + +"Killed!" I repeated faintly. "Jack Bickett killed! Oh, no, no, +Dicky; no, no, no!" + +I heard my own voice rise to a sort of shriek, felt Dicky release my +hands and seize my shoulders, and then everything went black before +me, and I knew nothing more. + +When I came to myself, I was lying on the couch before the fire, with +my face and the front of my gown dripping with water, the strong smell +of hartshorn in the room, and Dicky with stern, white face, and Katie +in tears, hovering over me. + +Dicky was trying to force a spoon between my teeth when I opened my +eyes. He promptly dropped it, and the brandy it contained trickled +down my neck. I raised my hand to wipe it away, and Dicky uttered a +low, "Thank God!" + +"Oh, she no dead, she alive again!" Katie cried out, and threw herself +on her knees by my side, sobbing. + +"Get up, Katie, and stop that howling!" Dicky spoke sternly. "Do you +want to get my mother down here? Go upstairs at once and prepare Mrs. +Graham's bed for her. I will carry her up directly. Are you all right +now, Madge?" + +His tone was anxious, but there was a note of constraint in it, which +I understood even through the returning anguish at Dicky's terrible +news, which was possessing me with returning consciousness. + +He believed that my feeling for my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, was a +deeper one than that which I had always professed, a sisterly love for +the only near relative I had in the world. This was the reason for his +sudden, passionate embrace of me when he entered the house, his demand +that I tell him I loved him better than anybody in the world or out of +it. + +He had been jealous of Jack living, he would still be jealous of him +dead! But as the realization again swept over me that Jack, steadfast, +manly Jack, the only near relative I had, was no longer in the same +world with me, that never again would I see his kind eyes, hear his +deep, earnest voice, all thoughts of anything else but my loss fled +from me, and I gave a little moan. + +I felt Dicky's arm which was around my shoulders shrink away +instinctively, then tighten again. He turned my face against his +shoulder, and, gathering me in his arms, lifted me from the couch. + +"Oh, Dicky, I am sure I can walk," I protested faintly. + +He stopped and looked at me fixedly. + +"Don't you want my arms around you?" he asked, and there was that in +his voice which made me answer hastily: + +"Of course I do, but I am afraid I am too heavy." + +"Let me be the judge of that," he returned sternly, and forthwith +carried me up the stairs, down the hall, and laid me on the bed in my +own room. + +"Now you must get that wet gown off," he said practically. "Katie +emptied nearly a gallon of water over you in her fright." + +He smiled constrainedly, and I made a brave effort to return the +smile, but I could not accomplish it. Indeed, I was glad to be able to +keep back the tears, which I knew instinctively would hurt him. + +He undressed me as tenderly as a woman could have done, and, wrapping +a warm bathrobe over my nightdress, for I was shivering as if from +a chill, tucked me in between the blankets of my bed. Then he drew a +chair to the bedside and sat down. + +"Are you sure you are all right now?" he asked. "Your color is coming +back." + +"Perfectly sure," I returned, "and I am so sorry to have made you so +much trouble." + +"Don't say that," he returned, a trifle sharply. "It is so +meaningless. Try to sleep a little, can't you?" + +"Not yet, Dicky," I returned. "I am feeling much better, however. Of +course, the shock was terrible at first, for, as you know, Jack was +the only brother I ever knew. But I am all right now and I want you to +tell me how you learned the news." + +"Mrs. Stewart telephoned to me," he said. "It seems your cousin gave +her as the 'next of kin,' to be notified in case of his death, and +she received the notice this morning. There was nothing but the usual +official notification." + +I caught my breath, stifling the moan that rose to my lips. Somewhere +in France lay buried the tenderest heart, the manliest man God ever +put into the world. And I had sent him to his death. Despite the +comforting assurance Jack had written me, just before his departure +for France, that his discovery of my marriage, with the consequent +blasting of the hope he had cherished for years, had not been the +cause of his sailing, I knew he would never have left me if I had not +been married. + +I think Dicky must have read my thoughts in my face, for, after a +moment, he said gently, yet with a tenseness which told me he was +putting a rigid control over his voice: + +"You must not blame yourself so harshly. Your cousin would probably +have gone to the war even if--circumstances had been different." + +There was that in Dicky's voice and eyes which told me that he, too, +was suffering. I gathered my strength together, made a supreme effort +to put the sorrow and remorse I felt behind me until I could be alone. +I knew that I must strive at once to eradicate the false impression +my husband had gained as a result of my reception of the news of my +brother-cousin's death. + +So I forced my lips to words which, while not utterly false, yet did +not at all reveal the truth of what I was feeling. + +"I know that, Dicky," I returned, and I tried to hold my voice to a +conversational tone. "He went with his dearest friend, a Frenchman, +you know. I had nothing to do with his going. It isn't that which +makes me feel as I do. It is because his death brings back my mother's +so plainly. He was always so good to her, and she loved him so much." + +Dicky bent his face so quickly to mine that I could not catch his +expression. He kissed me tenderly, and, kneeling down by the side of +the bed, gathered my head up against his shoulder. + +"Cry it all out, if you want to, sweetheart," he said, and I fancied +the tension was gone from his voice. "It will do you good." + +So, "cry it out" I did, against the blessed shelter of my husband's +shoulder. And the tears seemed to wash away all the shock of the +news I had, heard, all the bitter, morbid remorse I had felt, all +the secret wonder as to whether I might have loved and married my +brother-cousin if Dicky had not come into my life. There was left only +a sane, sisterly sorrow for a loved brother's death, and a tremendous +surge of love for my husband, and gratitude for his tenderness. + +"Try to sleep if you can," he said. + +I tried to obey his injunction, but I could not. I could see the hands +of my little bedroom clock, and after the longest quarter of an hour I +had ever known I turned restlessly on my pillow. + +"It's no use, Dicky," I said, "I cannot go to sleep. I would rather +talk. Tell me, did Mrs. Stewart's voice sound as if she were much +upset? She is an old woman, you know, and she was very fond of Jack." + +Dicky hesitated, and a curious, intent expression came into his eyes. + +"Yes, I think she was pretty well broken up," he answered, "but the +thing about which she seemed most anxious was that you should not lose +any time in attending to the property your cousin left. I believe he +wrote you concerning his disposition of it before he sailed." + +I looked up, startled. Dicky's words brought something to my mind +that I had completely forgotten. I was the heiress to all that Jack +possessed, not great wealth, it is true, but enough to insure me a +modest competence for the rest of my life. + +"Do you object to my taking this money, Dicky?" I asked, and my voice +was tense with emotion. + +"Object!" the words came from Dicky's mouth explosively, then he +jumped to his feet and paced up and down the room rapidly for a moment +or two, his jaw set, his eyes stern. When he stopped by the bed he had +evidently recovered his hold on himself, but his words came quickly, +jerkily, almost as if he were afraid to trust himself to speak. + +"You are in no condition to discuss this tonight," he said, dropping +his hand on my hair, "we will speak of it again tomorrow, when you +have somewhat recovered. Now you must try to go to sleep. I shall have +to call a physician if you don't." + +I lay awake for hours, debating the problem which had come to me. I +saw clearly that Dicky did not wish me to take this bequest of Jack's. +Indeed, I knew that he expected me to refuse it, and that he would be +bitterly disappointed if I did not do so. + +My heart was hot with rebellion. It seemed like a profanation of +Jack's last wish, like hurling a gift into the face of the dead, to do +as Dicky wished. + +And yet--Dicky was my husband. I had sworn to love and honor him. I +knew that he felt sincerely, however wrongly, that my acceptance of +Jack's gift would be a direct slap at him. I felt as if my heart were +being torn in two, with my desire to do justice both to the living +and the dead. It was not until nearly daylight that the solution of my +problem came to me. Then I fell asleep, exhausted, and did not awaken +until Dicky came into the room, dressed for the journey which he took +daily to the city. + +"I wouldn't disturb you, sweetheart," he said, "only it's time for +me to go in to the studio, and I did not want to leave you without +knowing how you are." + +"Oh, have I slept so late?" I returned, contritely, springing up in +bed. + +Dicky put me back with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," he commanded, gently. "Katie will bring you up some +breakfast shortly, and there is no need of your getting up for hours." + +He bent down to kiss me good-by. There was a restraint in both +his voice and his caress that told me he was still thinking of the +conversation of the night before. I put my arms about his neck and +drew his face down to mine. + +"Sweetheart," I whispered, "I want to tell you what I've decided about +Jack's property." + +"Not now," Dicky interrupted hurriedly. + +"Yes, now," I returned decidedly. "I am going to accept it"--I gripped +his hands firmly as I felt them drawing away from mine, "but I am not +going to use any of it for myself. I will see that it all goes to the +orphaned kiddies of the soldiers with whom Jack fought." + +Dicky started, looked at me a bit wildly, then stooped, and, gathering +me to him convulsively, pressed a long, tender kiss upon my lips. + +"My own girl!" he murmured. "I shall not forget that you have done +this for me!" + + + + +XXXVI + +"AND YET--" + + +"What's the big idea?" + +Dicky looked up from the breakfast table with a mildly astonished air +as I came hurriedly into the room dressed for the street, wearing my +hat, and carrying my coat over my arm. + +"I'm going into town with you," I returned quietly. + +"Shopping, I suppose." The words sounded idle enough, but I, who knew +Dicky so well, recognized the note of watchfulness in the query. + +"I shall probably go into some of the shops before I return," I said +carelessly, "but the real reason of my going into the city is Mrs. +Stewart. I should have gone to see her yesterday." + +Dicky frowned involuntarily, but his face cleared again in an instant. +It was the second day after he had brought me the terrible news that +Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, was reported killed "somewhere in +France." I knew that Dicky, in his heart, did not wish me to go to see +Mrs. Stewart, but I also knew that he was ashamed to give voice to his +reluctance. + +When Dicky spoke at last, it was with just the right shade of cordial +acquiescence in his voice. + +"Of course you must go to see her," he said, "but are you sure you're +feeling fit enough? It will try your nerves, I imagine." + +Far better than Dicky could guess I knew what the day's ordeal would +be. Mrs. Stewart had been very fond of my brother-cousin. With my +mother, she had hoped that he and I would some day care for each +other. With her queer partisan ideas of loyalty, when Dicky had been +so cruelly unjust to me about Jack, she had wished me to divorce Dicky +and marry Jack, even though Jack himself had never whispered such a +solution of my life's problem. That she believed me to be responsible +for his going to the war I knew. I dreaded inexpressibly the idea of +facing her. + +But when, after a rather silent trip to the city with Dicky, I stood +again in Mrs. Stewart's little upstairs sitting-room, I found only a +very sorrowful old woman, not a reproachful one. + +"I thought you'd come today," she said, and her voice was tired, +dispirited. I felt a sudden compunction seize me that my visits to her +had been so few since Jack's going. + +"I couldn't have kept away," I said, and then my old friend dropped my +hand, which she had been holding, and, sinking into a chair, put her +wrinkled old hands up to her face. I saw the slow tears trickling +through her fingers, and I knelt by her side and drew her head against +my shoulder, comforting her as she once had comforted me. + +Mrs. Stewart was never one to give way to emotion, and it was but a +few moments before she drew herself erect, wiped her eyes, and said +quietly: + +"I'll show you the cablegram." + +She went to her desk, and drew out the message, clipped, abbreviated +in the puzzling fashion of cablegrams: + + "Regret inform you, Bickett killed, action French front. Details + later." + + (Signed) "CAILLARD." + +"Caillard? Caillard?" Where had I heard that name? Then I suddenly +remembered. Paul Caillard was the friend with whom Jack had gone +across the ocean to the Great War. I examined the paper carefully. + +"I thought Dicky said you received the usual official notification," I +remarked. + +"That's what I told him," she replied. "That's it." + +"But this isn't an official message," I persisted. + +"Why isn't it?" + +I explained the difference haltingly, and spoke of the wonderful +system of identification in the French army, with every man tagged +with a metal identification check. + +"You will probably receive the official notification in a few days," I +commented. + +A queer, startled expression flashed into her face. She opened her +mouth, as if to speak, and then, looking at me sharply, closed +it again. Reaching out her hand for the cablegram, she folded it +mechanically, as if thinking of something far away, then going to her +desk, put it away, and stood as if thinking deeply for two or three +minutes, which seemed an hour to me. + +At last I saw her body straighten. She gave a little shake of her +shoulders, as if rousing herself, and, turning from the desk, came +toward me. I saw that she held in her hand a bundle of letters. + +"I understand that you and Jack made some fool agreement that he was +not to write to you, and that you were not even to read his letters +to me. I'm not expressing my opinion about it, but now that he's gone, +I'm going to turn these letters over to you. I'm not blind, you know. +Most of them were all really written to you, even if I did receive +them. Poor lad! It seems such a pity he should be struck down just as +a little happiness seemed coming his way." + +She put the letters in my hands, and, turning swiftly, went out of +the room. I knew her well enough to realize that she would not return +until I had read the messages from Jack. But what in the world did she +mean by her last words? + +I drew a big, easy chair to the fireside, and began to read the +missives. Some were short, some were long, but all were filled with +a quiet courage and cheerfulness that I knew had illuminated not only +Jack's letters to his old friend, but his life and the lives of others +wherever he had been. Every one of them had some reference to me--an +inquiry after my health, an injunction to Mrs. Stewart to be sure to +keep track of my happiness, a little kodak print or other souvenir +marked "For Margaret if I do not come back." + +I felt guilty, remorseful, that I had seen so little of Mrs. Stewart +since his departure. My own affairs, especially my long, terrible +summer's experience with Grace Draper, had shut everything else from +my mind. + +One letter in particular made my eyes brim with sudden tears. The +first of it had been cheery, with entertaining little accounts of the +few poor bits of humor which the soldiers in the trenches extracted +from their terrible every day round. Along toward the end a sudden +impulse seemed to have swept the writer's pen into a more sombre +channel. + +"I have been thinking much, dear old friend," he wrote, "of the +futility of human desires. Life in the trenches is rather conducive to +that form of mediation, as you may imagine. You know, none better, +how I loved Margaret, how I wanted to make her my wife--I often wonder +whether if I had not delayed so long, 'fearing my fate too much,' +I might not have won her. But thoughts, like that are worse than +useless. + +"Instead, there has come to me a clearer understanding of Margaret, a +better insight into the golden heart of her. If she had never met +the other man, or some one like him, I believe I could have made her +happy, kept her contented. But I realize fully that having met him +there could never be any other man for her but him. Her love for him +is like a flame, transforming her. I could never have called forth +such passion from her. I see clearly now how foolish it was in me to +have hoped it. There was nothing in the humdrum, commonplace brotherly +affection which she thought I gave her to arouse the romance which I +know slumbers under that calm, cold exterior of hers. + +"Sometimes I query, too, whether my love for Margaret had that +flame-like quality which characterizes her love for her husband. +Margaret has always been so much a part of my life that my love for +her began I could not tell when, and grew and strengthened with the +years. There never has been any other woman but Margaret in my life. +Even if I should ever come out of this living hell, which I doubt, I +do not believe there ever will be another. + +"And yet--" + +"I have just been summoned for duty. Good-by, dear friend, until the +next time. Lovingly yours, Jack Bickett." + +I laid the letter aside with a queer little startled feeling at my +heart. + +Those two little words, "and yet," at the end of Jack's letter gave me +much food for thought. Was it possible that before his death Jack had +realized that his love for me was not the consuming passion he had +thought it, but partook more of the fraternal affection that I had had +for him? + +I hoped for Jack's sake that this was so. + +"And yet--" + +I ran through the rest of the letters rapidly. One, the third from the +last, arrested my attention sharply. + +"Such a pleasant thing happened to me today," Jack wrote, "one of the +unexpected gleams of sunlight that are so much brighter because of the +general gloom against which they are reflected. + +"I was given a week's furlough last Saturday and went up to Paris with +my friend, Paul Caillard. He had a friend in a hospital on the way +there, headed by Dr. Braithwaite, the celebrated surgeon of Detroit." + +I caught my breath. As well as if I had already read the words, I knew +what was coming. + +"At an unexpected turn in the corridor I almost knocked over a +little nurse who was hurrying toward the office. She looked up at +me startled, out of the prettiest brown eyes I ever saw, and then +stopped, staring at me as if I had been a ghost. I stared back, +frankly, for her face was familiar to me, although for the moment I +could not tell where I had seen her before. + +"Then, half-shyly, she spoke, and her voice matched her eyes. + +"'You are Mr. Bickett, are you not, Mrs. Graham's cousin?' + +"For a moment I did not realize that 'Mrs. Graham' was Margaret. But +that gave me no clue to the identity of the girl. Then all at once it +came to me. + +"'I know you now,' I said. 'You are Mark Earle's little sister, +Katherine.'" + +So they had met at last, Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, and +Katherine Sonnot, the little nurse who had taken care of my +mother-in-law, and whom I had learned to love as a dear friend. + +Was I glad or sorry, I wondered, as I picked up Jack's letter again +that I had crushed any feeling I might have had in the matter, and +had spoken the word to Dr. Braithwaite that resulted in Katharine's +joining the eminent surgeon's staff of nurses? It seemed a pity to +have these two meet only to be torn apart so soon by death. + +"I cannot begin to tell you how delighted I was when we recognized +each other. You can imagine over here that to one American the meeting +with another American, especially if both have the same friends, is +an event. Luckily, Miss Sonnot was just about to have an afternoon off +when we met, and if she had an engagement--which she denied--she was +kind enough to break it for me. I need not tell you that I spent the +most delightful afternoon I have had since coming over here. + +"You can be sure that I at once exerted all the influence I had +through my friend, Caillard, and his friend in the hospital to secure +as much free time for Miss Sonnot as possible for the time I was to be +on furlough. It is like getting home after being away so long to talk +to this brave, sensible, beautiful young girl--for she deserves all of +the adjectives." + +In the two letters which were the last ones numbered by Mrs. Stewart, +Jack spoke again and again of the little nurse. Almost the last line +of his last letter, written after he returned to the front, spoke of +her. + +"Little Miss Sonnot and I correspond," he wrote, "and you can have +no idea how much good her letters do me. They are like fresh, sweet +breezes glowing through the miasma of life in the trenches." + +I folded the letters, put them back into their envelopes, and arranged +them as Mrs. Stewart had given them to me. When she came back into the +room she found me still holding them and staring into the fire. + +"Did you read them all?" she asked. + +"Yes," I replied. + +"Don't you think those last ones sounded as if he were really getting +interested in that little nurse?" she demanded. + +There was a peculiar intonation in her voice which told me that in +her own queer little way she was trying to punish me for my failure +to come to see her oftener with inquiries about Jack. She evidently +thought that my vanity would be piqued at the thought of Jack becoming +interested in any other woman after his life-long devotion to me. + +But I flatter myself that my voice was absolutely non-committal as I +answered her. + +"Yes, I do," I agreed, "and what a tragedy it seems that he should be +snatched away from the prospect of happiness." + +The words were sincere. I was sure. + +And yet-- + + + + +XXXVII + +A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + +"Well, children, have you made any plans for Dicky's birthday yet?" + +I nearly fell off my chair in astonishment at the friendliness in my +mother-in-law's tones. She had been sulky ever since we had come home +from our autumn outing in the Catskills, a sulkiness caused by her +resentment of what she chose to consider the indiscreet interest +taken in me by Robert Gordon, the mysterious millionaire whom I had +discovered to be an old friend of my parents. I shrewdly suspected, +however, that her continued resentment was more because Dicky chose +to take my part in the matter against her, than because of any real +feeling toward Mr. Gordon. + +Nearly a year's experience, however, had taught me how best to manage +my mother-in-law. When she indulged herself in one of her frequent +"tantrums" I adopted a carefully courteous, scrupulously formal +attitude toward her, and dismissed her from my mind. Thus I saved +myself much worry and irritation, and deprived her of the pleasure +of a quarrel, something which I knew she would be glad to bring on +sometimes for the sheer pleasure of combat. + +Her question was so sudden, her cordiality so surprising, that I could +frame no answer. Instead I looked helplessly at Dicky. To tell +the truth, I rather distrusted this sudden amiability. From past +experiences, I knew that when Mother Graham made a sudden change from +sulkiness to cheerfulness, she had some scheme under way. + +Dicky's answer was prompt. + +"That's entirely up to Madge, mother," he said, and smiled at me. + +Although his mother tried hard she could not keep the acerbity out of +her tones as she turned to me. She always resented any deference of +Dicky to my opinion. + +"Well, as Richard has no opinion of his own, what are your plans, +Margaret?" + +"Why, I have made none so far," I stammered, wishing with all my heart +that I had made some definite plan for Dicky's birthday. I could see +from my mother-in-law's manner that she had some cherished scheme in +mind, and my prophetic soul told me that it would be something which I +would not particularly like. + +"Good," she returned. "Then I shall not be interfering with any plan +of yours. I have already written to Elizabeth asking them to come out +here for a week's visit. This is an awful shack, of course, but it +is the country, and the children will enjoy the woods and brooks and +fields, even if it is cold." + +Dicky turned to her abruptly, his brow stormy, his eyes flashing. + +"Mother, do you mean to say that you have already written to Elizabeth +without first consulting Madge as to whether it would be convenient?" + +I trod heavily on his toes under the table in the vain hope that I +would be able to stop him from saying the words which I knew would +inflame his mother's temper. Failing in that, I hastened to throw a +sentence or two of my own into the breach in the desire to prevent +further hostilities. + +"Dicky, stop talking nonsense!" I said sharply. "I am sure Mother +Graham," turning to my mother-in-law who sat regarding her son with +the most traditional of "stony stares," "we shall be delighted to have +your daughter and her family. You must tell me how many there are +so we can arrange for beds and plenty of bedding. This is a rather +draughty house, you know." + +"I am better aware of that than you are," she returned, ungraciously +making no response to my proffer of hospitality. Then she turned her +attention to Dicky. + +"Richard," she said sternly, "I have never been compelled to consult +anybody yet, before inviting guests to my home, whether it be a +permanent or a temporary one. I am too old to begin. I do not notice +that you or Margaret take the trouble to consult me before inviting +your friends here." + +Dicky opened his mouth to reply, but I effectually stopped him, by a +swift kick, which I think found a mark, for he jumped perceptibly +and flashed me a wrathful look. I knew that he was thinking of the +strenuous objection his mother had made to our entertaining the +Underwoods, and to the proposed visit of Robert Gordon to our home. +But I knew also that it was no time to rake up old scores. I foresaw +trouble enough in this proposed visit of my relatives-in-law whom I +had never seen, without having things complicated by a row between +Dicky and his mother. + +There was trouble, too, in all the housecleaning, the re-arrangement +of our rooms and in the laying in of a stock of provisions to meet +the requirements of the menu for each meal that Mother Graham insisted +upon deciding in advance to please her daughter and the children. And +then, the day they were to arrive, she received a special delivery +letter calmly announcing that they were not coming. But my +annoyance was forgotten in Mother Graham's very apparent and utter +disappointment. + +When I broke the news to Dicky he suggested that we have a party +anyway, and Mother Graham sweetly acquiesced in our plans to invite +the Underwoods. + +Lillian's voice over the telephone, however, made me forget all my +contentment, and filled me with misgiving. It was tense, totally +unlike her usual bluff, hearty tones, and with an undercurrent in it +that spelled tragedy. + +"What is the trouble, Lillian?" I asked, as soon as I had heard her +greeting; "I know something is the matter by your voice." + +"Yes, there is," she replied, "but nothing of which I can speak +over the 'phone. Tell me, are you going to have any strangers there +tomorrow?" + +How like Lillian the bluff, honest speech was! Almost any other woman +would have hypocritically assured me that nothing was the matter. But +not Lillian Underwood! + +"Nobody but the Durkees," I assured her. "They have already promised +to be here. But, Lillian, you surely must get here as soon as you can. +I shall be so worried until I see you. If you don't get here early +tomorrow morning I shall come in after you." + +"You couldn't keep me away, you blessed child, if you are going to +have no strangers there," Lillian returned. "I don't mind the Durkees. +But I need you, my dear, very much. Now I must tell you something, +don't be shocked or surprised when you see me, for I shall be somewhat +changed in appearance. Run along to Dicky now. I'll be with you some +time tomorrow forenoon. Good-by." + +I almost forgot to hang up the telephone receiver in my bewilderment. +What trouble could have come to Lillian that she needed me? She was +the last person in the world to need any one, I thought--she, whose +sterling good sense and unfailing good-nature had helped me so +many times. And what change in her appearance did she mean when she +cautioned me against being shocked and surprised at seeing her? + +My anxiety concerning Lillian stayed with me all through the evening. +I awoke in the night from troubled dreams of her to equally troubled +thoughts concerning her. And my concern was complicated by a message +which Dicky received the next forenoon. + +We had barely finished breakfast when the telephone rang and Dicky +answered. + +"Hello," I heard him say. "Yes, this is Graham. Oh! Mr. Gordon! how do +you do?" + +My heart skipped a beat. + +"Why! that's awfully kind of you," Dicky was saying, "but we couldn't +possibly accept, because we have guests coming ourselves. We expect to +have a regular old-fashioned country dinner here at home. But, why +do you not come out to us? Oh, no, you wouldn't disturb any plans at +all--they've been thoroughly upset already. We had planned to have +my sister and her family, six in all, spend this holiday with us, but +yesterday we found they could not come. So we're inviting what friends +we can find who are not otherwise engaged to help us eat up the +turkey. You will be more than welcome if you will join us. All right, +then. Do you know about trains? Yes, any taxi driver can tell you +where we are. Good-by." + +I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law as Dicky came toward us +after answering Robert Gordon's telephone message. + +I think Dicky was a trifle afraid, also, of his mother's verdict, for +his attitude was elaborately apologetic as he explained his invitation +to me. + +"Your friend, Gordon, has just gotten in from one of those mysterious +voyages of his to parts unknown," he said. "He was delayed in reaching +the city, only got in last night, too late to telephone us. Seems +he had some cherished scheme of having us his guests at a blowout. +Wouldn't mind going if we hadn't asked these people here, for they say +his little dinners are something to dream about, they're so unique. Of +course, there was nothing else for me to do but to invite him out. I +thought you wouldn't mind." + +In Dicky's tone there was a doubtful inflection which I read +correctly. He knew of my interest in the elderly man of mystery who +had known my parents so well, and I was sure that he thought I would +be overjoyed because he had extended the invitation. + +I was glad that I could honestly disabuse his mind of this idea, for I +had a curious little feeling that Dicky disliked more than he appeared +to do the attentions paid to me by Mr. Gordon. + +It was less than an hour before the taxi bearing the first of our +guests swung into the driveway and Lillian and Harry Underwood stepped +out. + +Lillian's head and face were so swathed in veils that I did not +realize what the change in her appearance of which she had warned me +was until I was alone with her in my room, which I intended giving up +to her and her husband while they stayed. Then, as she took off her +hat and veils, I almost cried out in astonishment--for at my first, +unaccustomed glance, instead of the rouged and powdered face, and dyed +hair, which to me had been the only unpleasant things about Lillian +Underwood, the face of an old woman looked at me, and the hair above +it was gray! + +There were the remnants of great youthful beauty in Lillian's face. +Nay, more, there were wonderful possibilities when the present crisis +in her life, whatever it might be, should have passed. But the effect +of the change in her was staggering. + +"Awful, isn't it?" she said, coming up to me. "No, don't lie to me," +as she saw a confused, merciful denial rise to my lips. "There are +mirrors everywhere, you know. There's one comfort, I can't possibly +ever look any worse than I do now, and when my hair gets over the +effect of its long years of dyeing, and my present emotional crisis +becomes less tense I probably shall not be such a fright. But oh, my +dear, how glad I am to be with you. I need you so much just now." + +She put her head on my shoulder as a homesick child might have done, +and I felt her draw two or three long, shuddering breaths, the dry +sobs which take the place of tears in the rare moments when Lillian +Underwood gives way to emotion. I stroked her hair with tender, +pitiful fingers, noticing as I did so what ravages her foolish +treatment of her hair had made in tresses that must once have been +beautiful. Originally of the blonde tint she had tried to preserve, +her locks were now an ugly mixture of dull drab and gray. As I stood +looking down at the head pillowed against my shoulder I realized what +this transformation in Lillian must mean to Harry Underwood. + +He it was who had always insisted that she follow the example of the +gay Bohemian crowd of which he was a leader, and disguise her fleeting +youth, with dye and rouge. It was to please him, or, as she once +expressed it to me, "to play the game fairly with Harry" that she +outraged her own instincts, her sense of what was decent and becoming, +and constantly made up her face into a mask like that of a woman of +the half-world. No one could deny that it disguised her real age, but +her best friends, including Dicky and myself, had always felt that the +real mature beauty of the woman was being hidden. + +"Of course, this is terribly rough on Harry," Lillian said at last, +raising her head from my shoulder, and speaking in as ordinary and +unruffled a tone as if she had not just gone through what in any other +woman would have been a hysterical burst of tears. + +"It really isn't fair to him, and under any other conditions in the +world I would not do it. He's pretty well cut up about it, so much so +that he cannot always control his annoyance when he is speaking about +it. But I know you will overlook any little outbreaks of his, won't +you? He wanted to come down here with me, you know he's always anxious +to see you, or I would have run away by myself." + +Her tone was anxious, wistful, and my heart ached for her. I could +guess that when Harry Underwood could not "control his annoyance" he +could be very horrid indeed. But I winced at her casual remark that +her husband was always anxious to see me. Harry Underwood held in +restraint by his very real admiration for his brilliant wife had been +annoying enough to me. I did not care to think what he might be when +enraged at her as I knew he must be now. + +Nothing of my feeling, however, must I betray to the friend who had +come to me for help and comfort. I drew closer the arms that had not +yet released her. + +"Dear girl," I said softly, "don't worry any more about your husband +or anything else. Just consider that you've come home to your sister. +I'm going to keep you awhile now I've got you, and we'll straighten +everything out. Don't even bother to tell me anything about it until +you are fully rested. I can see you've been under some great strain." + +"No one can ever realize how great," she returned. "You see--" + +What revelation she meant to make to me I did not then learn, for just +at that moment a knock sounded on the door, and in answer to my "come +in," Katie appeared and announced the arrival of the Durkees and +Richard Gordon. + + + + +XXXVIII + +"NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + +"Tell me, Madge," Dicky's tone was tense, and I recognized the note of +jealous anger which generally preceded his scenes, "are you going to +have that old goat take you out to dinner? Because if you are--" + +He broke off abruptly, as if he thought an unspoken threat would be +more terrifying than one put into words. I knew to what he referred. +As hostess, I, of course, should be escorted in to dinner by the +stranger in our almost family party, Robert Gordon, who was also the +oldest man present. Ordinarily, Dicky would have realized that his +demand to have me change this conventional arrangement was a most +ill-bred and inconsiderate thing. But Dicky sane and Dicky jealous, +however, were two different men. + +Always before this day Dicky had regarded with tolerant amusement the +strange interest shown in me by the elderly man of mystery who had +known my mother. But the magnificent chrysanthemums which Mr. Gordon +had brought me, dozens of them, costing much more money than the +ordinary conventional floral gift to one's hostess ought to cost, had +roused his always smouldering jealousy to an unreasoning pitch. + +Fear of hurting Robert Gordon's feelings was the one consideration +that held me back from defying Dicky's mandate. Experience had taught +me the best course to pursue with Dicky. + +"If, as I suppose, you are referring to Mr. Gordon, it may interest +you to know that I have not the faintest intention of going in to +dinner with him," I retorted coolly. "Lillian wants to talk with him +about South America, and I shall have your friend, Mr. Underwood, as +my escort." + +"Gee, how happy you'll be," sneered Dicky, but I could see that he was +relieved at my information. "You're so fond of dear old Harry, aren't +you?" + +"To tell you the truth, I have to fight all the time against becoming +too fond of him," I returned mockingly. "He can be dangerously +fascinating, you know." + +Dicky laughed in a way that showed me his brainstorm over Robert +Gordon had been checked. But there was a startled look in his eyes +which changed to a more speculative scrutiny before he moved away. + +"Oh, old Harry's all right," he said. "He's my pal, and he never means +anything, anyway." But I noticed that he said it as if he were trying +to convince himself of the truth of his assertion. + +When I told Harry Underwood that he was to take me in to dinner, and +we were leading the way into the dining room, his brilliant black eyes +looked down into mine mockingly, and he said: + +"You see it is Fate. No matter how you struggle against it you cannot +escape me." + +"Do I look as if I were struggling?" I laughed back, and saw a sudden +expression of bewilderment in his eyes, followed instantly by a flash +of triumph. + +Everything that was cattishly feminine in me leaped to life at that +look in the eyes of the man whom I detested, whom I had even feared. +I could read plainly enough in his eyes that he thought the assiduous +flatteries he had always paid me were commencing to have their result, +that I was beginning to recognize the dangerous fascination he was +reputed to have for women of every station. I had a swift, savage +desire to avenge the women he must have made suffer, to hurt him as +before dinner he had wounded Lillian. + +So instead of turning an impassive face to Mr. Underwood's remark, I +listened with just the hint of an elusive mischievous smile twisting +my lips. + +"No, you don't look very uncomfortable. You look"--he caught his +breath as if with some emotion too strong for utterance, and then said +a trifle huskily: + +"Will you let me tell you how you look to me?" + +I had to exercise all my self-control to keep from laughing in +his face. He was such a poseur, his simulation of emotion was +so melodramatic that I wondered if he really imagined I would be +impressed by it. + +A spirit of mischievous daring stirred in me. + +"Don't tell me just now," I said softly. "Wait till after dinner." + +"Afraid?" he challenged. + +"Perhaps," I countered. + +He gave my hand lying upon his arm a swift, furtive pressure and +released it so quickly that there was no possibility of his being +observed. I had no time to rebuke him, had I been so disposed, for we +had almost reached our places at the table. + +I do not remember much of the dinner over which Mother Graham, Katie +and I had worked so assiduously. That everything went off smoothly, as +we had planned, that from the Casaba melons which were served first to +the walnuts of the last course, everything was delicious in flavor and +perfect in service I was gratefully but dimly aware. + +For I felt as if I were on the brink of a volcano. Not because of +Harry Underwood's elaborate show of attention to me to which I was +pretending to respond, much to the disgust of my mother-in-law, but on +account of the queer behavior of Robert Gordon. + +Lillian, who was making a pitifully brave attempt to bring to the +occasion all the airy brightness with which she was wont to make any +gathering favored by her presence a success, secured only the briefest +responses from him, although he had taken her out to dinner. Sometimes +he made no answer at all to her remarks, evidently not hearing them. + +He watched me almost constantly, and so noticeable was his action that +I saw every one at the table was aware of it. It was a gaze to set any +one's brain throbbing with wild conjectures, so mournful, so elusive +it was. The fantastic thought crossed my mind that this mysterious +elderly friend of my dead mother's looked like a long famished man, +coming suddenly in sight of food. + +By the time the dinner was over I was intensely nervous. Katie +served us our coffee in the living room, and when I took mine my hand +trembled so that the tiny cup rattled against the saucer. I rose from +my chair and walked to the fireplace, set the cup upon the mantel and +stood looking into the blazing logs Jim had heaped against the old +chimney. My guests could not see my face, and I hoped to be able to +pull myself together. + +"Ready to have me tell you how you look to me, now?" said Harry +Underwood's voice, softly, insidiously in my ear. + +I started and moved a little away from him, which brought me nearer +to the fire. The next moment I was wildly beating at little tongues of +flame running up the flimsy fabric of my dress. + +I heard hoarse shouts, shrill screams, felt rough hands seize me, and +wrap me in heavy, stifling cloth, which seemed to press the flames +searingly down into my flesh, and then for a little I knew no more. + +It seemed only a moment that I lost consciousness. When I came back to +myself I was lying on the couch with Lillian Underwood's deft, tender +fingers working over me. From somewhere back of me Dicky's voice +sounded in a hoarse, gasping way that terrified me. + +"For God's sake, Lil, is she--" + +Lillian's voice, firm, reassuring, answered: + +"No, Dicky, no, she's pretty badly burned, I fear, but I am sure she +will be all right. Now, dear boy, get your mother to her room and make +her lie down. Mrs. Durkee and I can take care of Madge better with you +all out of the way. Did you get a doctor, Alfred?" + +"Coming as soon as he can get here," Alfred Durkee replied. + +"Good," Lillian returned. "Now everybody except Mrs. Durkee get out +of here. Katie, bring a blanket, some sheets, and one of Mrs. Graham's +old nightdresses from her room. I shall have to cut the gown." + +Even through the terrible scorching heat which seemed to envelop my +body I realized that Lillian, as always, was dominating the situation. +I could hear the snip of her scissors as she cut away the pieces of +burned cloth, and the low-toned directions to Mrs. Durkee, which told +me that Lillian already had secured our first aid kit and was giving +me the treatment necessary to alleviate my pain until the physician +should arrive. + +I am sorry to confess it, but I am a coward where physical pain is +concerned. I am not one of those women who can bear the torturing +pangs of any illness or accident without an outcry. And, struggle as I +might, I could not repress the moan which rose to my lips. + +"I know, child." Lillian's tender hands held my writhing ones, her +pitying eyes looked into mine; but she turned from me the next moment +in amazement, for Robert Gordon, the mysterious man who had loved my +mother, appeared, as if from nowhere, at her side, twisting his hands +together and muttering words which I could not believe to be real, +so strange and disjointed were they. I felt that they must be only +fantasies of my confused brain. + +"Mr. Gordon, this will never do," Lillian said sternly. "I thought I +had sent every one out of the room except Mrs. Durkee." + +"I know--I am going right away again. But I had to come this time. Is +she going to die?" + +"Not if I can get a chance to attend to her without everybody +bothering me. I am very sure she is not seriously injured. Now, you +must go away." + +Mr. Gordon fled at once. And Lillian, and Mrs. Durkee worked so +swiftly and skillfully that when the physician, a kindly, elderly +practitioner from Crest Haven arrived, my pain had been assuaged. + +By his direction I was carried to my own room. I must have fainted +before they moved me, for the next thing I remember was the sound of +the doctor's voice. + +"There is nothing to be alarmed over," the physician was saying to a +shadowy some one at the head of my bed, a some one who was breathing +heavily, and the trembling of whose body I could feel against the bed. +"Of course, the shock has been severe, and the pain of moving her was +too much for her. But she is coming round nicely. You may speak to her +now." + +The shadowy some one moved forward a little, resolved itself to my +clearing sight as my husband. He knelt beside the bed and put his lips +to my uninjured hand. + +"Sweetheart! Sweetheart!" he murmured, "my own girl! Is the pain very +bad?" + +"Not now," I answered faintly, trying to smile, but only succeeding +in twisting my mouth into a grimace of pain. The flames had mercifully +spared my hair and most of my face, but there was one burn upon +one side of my throat, extending up into my cheek, which made it +uncomfortable for me to move the muscles of my face. + +"Don't try to talk," Dicky replied. "Just lie still and let us take +care of you. Lil will stay, I know, until we can get a nurse here, +won't you, Lil?" + +As a frightened child might do, I turned my eyes to Lillian, +beseechingly. + +"No--nurse--just--Lillian," I faltered. + +Lillian stooped over me reassuringly. + +"No one shall touch you but me," she said decisively, and then turning +to the physician, said demurely: + +"Do you think I can be trusted with the case, doctor?" + +"Most assuredly," the physician returned heartily. "Indeed, if you can +stay it is most fortunate for Mrs. Graham. Good trained nurses are at +a premium just now, and great care will be necessary in this case to +prevent disfigurement!" + +A quick, stifled exclamation of dismay came from Dicky. + +"Is there any danger of her face being scarred?" he asked worriedly. + +"Not while I'm on the job," Lillian returned decisively, and there was +no idle boasting in her statement, simply quiet certainty. + +But there was another note in her voice, or so it seemed to my +feverish imagination, a note of scorn for Dicky, that he should be +thinking of my possible disfigurement when my very life had been in +question but a moment before. + +A sick terror crept over me. Did my husband love me only for what poor +claims to pulchritude I possessed? Suppose the physician should be +mistaken, and I be hideously scarred, after all, as I had seen fire +victims scarred, would I see the love light die in his eyes, would I +never again witness the admiring glances Dicky was wont to flash at me +when I wore something especially becoming? + +I had often wondered since my marriage whether Dicky's love for me was +the real lasting devotion which could stand adversity. I knew that no +matter how old or gray or maimed or disfigured Dicky might become he +would be still my royal lover. I should never see the changes in him. +But if I should suddenly turn an ugly scarred face to Dicky would he +shrink from me? + +An epigram from one of the sanest and cleverest of our modern +humorists flashed into my mind. Dicky and I had read it together only +a few weeks before. + +"Heaven help you, madam, if your husband does not love you because of +your foibles instead of in spite of them." + +Did all women have this experience I wondered, and then as Lillian's +face bent over me I caught my breath in an understanding wave of pity +for her. + +This was what she was undergoing, this experience of seeing her +husband turn away his eyes from her, as if the very sight of her was +painful to him. + +Dicky would never do that, I knew. He had not the capacity for cruelty +which Harry Underwood possessed. But I was sure it would torture +me more to know that he was disguising his aversion than to see him +openly express it. + + + + +XXXIX + +HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + +Lillian Underwood kept her promise to Dicky that I should suffer no +scar as the result of the burns I received when my dress caught fire +on the night of my dinner. + +Never patient had a more faithful nurse than Lillian. She had a cot +placed in my room where she slept at night, and she rarely left my +side. + +I found my invalidism very pleasant in spite of the pain and +inconvenience of my burns. Everyone was devoted to my comfort. Even +Mother Graham's acerbity was softened by the suffering I underwent +in the first day or two following the accident, although I soon +discovered that she was actually jealous because Lillian and not she +was nursing me. + +"It is the first time in my life that I have ever found my judgment in +nursing set aside as of no value," she said querulously to me one day +when she was sitting with me while Lillian attended to the preparation +of some special dish for me in the kitchen. + +"Oh, Mother Graham," I protested, "please don't look at it that way. +You know how careful you have to be about your heart. We couldn't let +you undertake the task of nursing me, it would have been too much for +you." + +"Well, if your own mother were alive I don't believe any one could +have kept her from taking care of you," she returned stubbornly. + +There was a wistful note in her voice that touched and enlightened +me. Beneath all the crustiness of my mother-in-law's disposition there +must lie a very real regard--I tremulously wondered if I might not +call it love--for me. + +My heart warmed toward the lonely, crabbed old woman as it had never +done before. I put out my uninjured hand, clasped hers, and drew her +toward me. + +"Mother dear," I said softly, "please believe me, it would be no +different if my own little mother were here. She, of course, would +want to take care of me, but her frailness would have made it +impossible. And I want you to know that I appreciate all your +kindness." + +She bent to kiss me. + +"I'm a cantankerous old woman, sometimes," she said quaveringly, "but +I am fond of you, Margaret." + +She released me so abruptly and went out of the room so quickly that +I had no opportunity to answer her. But I lay back on my pillows, +warm with happiness, filled with gratitude that in spite of the many +controversies in which my husband's mother and I had been involved, +and the verbal indignities which she had sometimes heaped upon me, +we had managed to salvage so much real affection as a basis for our +future relations with each other. + +The reference to my own little mother, which I had made, brought back +to me the homesickness, the longing for her which comes over me often, +especially when I am not feeling well. When Lillian returned she found +me weeping quietly. + +"Here, this will never do!" she said kindly, but firmly. "I'm not +going to ask you what you were crying about, for I haven't time to +listen. I must fix you up to see two visitors. But"--she forestalled +the question I was about to ask--"before you see one of them I must +tell you that Harry and I have about come to the parting of the ways." + +"The parting of the ways!" I gasped. "Harry and you?" + +Lillian Underwood nodded as calmly as if she had simply announced +a decision to alter a gown or a hat, instead of referring to a +separation from her husband. + +"It will have to come to that, I am afraid," she said, and looking +more closely at her I saw that her calmness was only assumed, that +humiliation and sadness had her in their grip. + +"I have always feared that when the time came for me to be 'my honest +self' instead of a 'made-up daisy'"--she smiled wearily as she quoted +the childish rhyme--"Harry would not be big enough to take it well. +Of course I could and would stand all his unpleasantness concerning my +altered appearance, but the root of his actions goes deeper than that, +I am afraid. He dislikes children, and I fear that he will object to +my having my little girl with me. And if he does--" + +Her tone spelled finality but I had no time to bestow upon the +probable fate of Harry Underwood. With a glad little cry, I drew +Lillian down to my bedside and kissed her. + +"Oh! Lillian!" I exclaimed, "are you really going to have your baby +girl after all?" + +She nodded, and I held her close with a little prayer of thanksgiving +that fate had finally relented and had given to this woman the desire +of her heart, so long kept from her. + +I saw now, and wondered why I had not realized before the reason for +Lillian's sudden abandonment of the rouge and powder and dyed hair +which she had used so long. Once she had said to me, "When my baby +comes home, she shall have a mother with a clean face and pepper and +salt hair, but until that time, I shall play the game with Harry." + +And so for Harry's sake, for the man who was not worthy to tie her +shoes, she had continued to crucify her real instincts in an effort +to hide the worst feminine crime in her husband's calendar--advancing +age. + +"When will she come to you?" I asked, and then with a sudden +remembrance of the only conditions under which Lillian's little +daughter could be restored to her, I added, "then her father is--" + +"Not dead, but dying," Lillian returned gravely, "but oh, my dear, he +sent for me two weeks ago and acknowledged the terrible wrong he did +me. I am vindicated at last, Madge--at last." + +Her voice broke, and as she laid her cheek against my hand, I felt the +happy tears which she must have kept back all through the excitement +of my accident. How like her to put by her own greatest experiences as +of no consequence when weighed against another's trouble! + +I kissed her happily. "Do you feel that you can tell me about it?" I +asked. + +"You and Dicky are the two people I want most to know," she returned. +"Will confessed everything to me, and better still, to his mother. +I would have been glad to have spared the poor old woman, for she +idolizes her son, but you remember I told you that although she loved +me, he had made her believe the vile things he said of me. It was +necessary that she should know the truth, if after Will's death I was +to have any peace in my child's companionship. + +"Marion loves her grandmother dearly, and the old woman fairly +idolizes the child, although her feebleness has compelled her to leave +most of the care of the child to hired nurses. There is where I am +going to have my chance with my little girl. I never shall separate +her from her grandmother while the old woman lives, but from the +moment she comes to me, no hireling's hand shall care for her--she +shall be mine, all mine." + +Her voice was a paean of triumphant love. My heart thrilled in +sympathy with hers, but underneath it all I was conscious of a +strong desire to have Harry Underwood reconciled to this new plan of +Lillian's. The calmness with which she had spoken of their parting had +not deceived me. I knew that Lillian's pride, already dragged in the +dust by her first unhappy marital experience, would suffer greatly +if she had to acknowledge that her second venture had also failed. +I tried to think of some manner in which I could remedy matters. +Unconsciously Lillian played directly into my hands. + +"But here I am bothering you with all of my troubles," she said, "when +all the time gallant cavaliers wait without, anxious to pay their +devoirs." + +Her voice was as gay, as unconcerned, as if she had not just been +sounding the depths of terrible memories. I paid a silent tribute to +her powers of self-discipline before answering curiously. + +"Gallant cavaliers?" I repeated. "Who are they?" + +"Well, Harry is at the door, and Mr. Gordon at the gate," she returned +merrily. "In other words, Harry is downstairs, waiting patiently +for me to give him permission to see you, while Mr. Gordon took up +quarters at a country inn near here the day after your accident +and has called or telephoned almost hourly since. He begged me this +morning to let him know when you would be able to see him. If Harry's +call does not tire you, I think I would better 'phone him to come +over." + +"Lillian!" I spoke imperatively, as a sudden recollection flashed +through my mind. "Was I delirious, or did I hear Mr. Gordon exclaim +something very foolish the night of my accident?" + +She looked at me searchingly. + +"He said, 'My darling, have I found you only to lose you again?'" she +answered. + +"What did he mean?" I gasped. + +"That he must tell you himself, Madge," she said gravely. "For me to +guess his meaning would be futile. Shall I telephone him to come over, +and will you see Harry for a moment or two now?" + +"Yes! to both questions," I answered. + +"Well, lady fair, they haven't made you take the count yet, have they? +By Jove, you're prettier than ever." + +Ushered by Lillian, Harry Underwood came into my room with all his +usual breeziness, and stood looking down at me as I lay propped +against the pillows Lillian had piled around me. It was the first time +I had seen him since the night of our dinner, when with the wild idea +of punishing Dicky for his foolishness regarding elderly Mr. Gordon I +had carried on a rather intense flirtation with Harry Underwood. + +I had been heartily sorry for and ashamed of the experiment before +the dinner was half over, and many times since the accident which +interrupted the evening I had wondered, half-whimsically, whether my +dress catching fire was not a "judgment on me." I had deeply dreaded +seeing Mr. Underwood again, but as I looked into his eyes I saw +nothing but friendly cheeriness and pity. + +Lillian drew a chair for him to my bedside, and for a few moments he +chatted of everything and nothing in the entertaining manner he knows +so well how to use. + +"You may have just three minutes more, Harry," Lillian said at +last. "Stay here while I go down to telephone. Then you will have to +vamoose. Mr. Gordon is coming over, and I can't have her too tired." + +Her husband gave a low whistle, and I saw a quick look of +understanding pass between him and Lillian. I did not have time to +wonder about it, however, for Lillian went out of the room, and the +moment she closed the door he said tensely: + +"Tell me you forgive me. If I had not teased you that night you would +not have moved toward the fire, and your dress would not have caught. +Why! you might have been killed or horribly disfigured. I've been +suffering the tortures of Hades ever since. But you will forgive me, +won't you? I'll do any penance you name." + +Through all the extravagance of his speech there ran a deeper note +than I had believed Harry Underwood to be capable of sounding. As his +eyes met mine and I saw that there was something as near suffering in +them as the man's self-centred careless nature was capable of feeling +I saw my opportunity. + +"Yes, I'll forgive you--everything--if you'll promise me one thing, +which will make me very happy." + +He bit his lip savagely--I think he guessed my meaning--but he did not +hesitate. + +"Name it," he said shortly. + +"Don't hurt Lillian any more about the change in her appearance or +object to her having her child with her," I pleaded. + +He thought a long minute, then with a quick gesture he caught my +uninjured hand in his, carried it to his lips, and kissed it, then +laid it gently back upon the bed again. + +"Done," he said gruffly. "It won't bother me much for awhile anyway. +Your friend Gordon, wants me to go with him on a long trip to South +America. I'm the original white-haired boy with him just now for some +reason or other, and it's just the chance I have wanted to look up the +theatrical situation down there. Perhaps I can persuade the old boy +to loosen up on some of his bank roll and play angel. But anyway I'm +going to be gone quite a stretch, and when I come back I'll try to be +a reformed character. But remember, wherever I am 'me art is true to +Poll.'" + +He bowed mockingly with his old manner, and walked toward the door, +meeting Lillian as she came in. + +"So long, Lil," he said carelessly. "I'm going for a long walk. See +you later." + +She looked at him searchingly. "All right," she answered laconically, +and then came over to me. + +"Mr. Gordon will be here in a half-hour," she said. "Please try to +rest a little before he comes." + +She lowered the shades, and my pillows, kissed me gently, and left the +room. But I could neither rest nor sleep. The wildest conjectures went +through my brain. Who was Robert Gordon, and why was he so strangely +interested in me? + + + + +XL + +MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + +It seemed a very long time to me, as I tossed on my pillows, beset by +the problem that even the name Robert Gordon always presents to me, +before Lillian came back to my room. But when she entered she said +that Mr. Gordon would soon arrive and that I must be prepared to see +him, so she bathed my hands and face and gave me an egg-nog before +propping me up against my pillows to receive my visitor. + +"Of course you will stay with me, Lillian, while he is here," I said. + +She smiled enigmatically. "Part of the time," she said. + +But when Mr. Gordon came, bringing with him an immense sheaf of roses, +she left the room almost at once, giving as an excuse her wish to +arrange the flowers. + +My visitor's eyes were burning with a light that almost frightened me +as he sat down by my bedside and took my hand in his. + +"My dear child," he said, and though the words were such as any +elderly man might address to a young woman, yet there was an intensity +in them that made me uncomfortable. "Are you sure everything is all +right with you?" + +"Very sure," I replied, smiling. "If Mrs. Underwood would permit me to +do so, I am certain I could get up now." + +"You must not think of trying it," he returned sharply, and with a +note in his voice, almost like authority, which puzzled me. + +"Thank God for Mrs. Underwood!" he went on. "She is a woman in a +thousand. I am indebted to her for life." + +I shrank back among my pillows, and wished that Lillian would return +to the room. I began to wonder if Mr. Gordon's brain was not slightly +turned. Surely, the fact that he had once known and loved my mother +was no excuse for the extravagant attitude he was taking. + +He saw the movement, and into his eyes flashed a look so mournful, so +filled with longing that I was thrilled to the heart. The next moment +he threw himself upon his knees by the side of my bed, and cried out +tensely: + +"Oh, my darling child, don't shrink from me. You will kill me. Don't +you see? Can't you guess? I am your father!" + +My father! Robert Gordon my father! + +I looked at the elderly man kneeling beside my bed, and my brain +whirled with the unreality of it all. The "man of mystery," the +"Quester" of Broadway, the elderly soldier of fortune, about whose +reputed wealth and constant searching of faces wherever he was the +idle gossip of the city's Bohemia had whirled--to think that this man +was the father I had never known, the father, alas! whom I had hoped +never to know. + +Everything was clear to me now--the reason for his staring at me when +he first caught sight of me in the Sydenham Hotel, his trailing of my +movements until he had found out my name and home, the introduction +he obtained to Dicky, and through him to me, his emotion at hearing +my mother's name, his embarrassing attentions to me ever since--the +explanation for all of which had puzzled me had come in the choking +words of the man whose head was bowed against my bed, and whose whole +frame was shaking with suppressed sobs. + +I felt myself trembling in the grip of a mighty surge of longing to +gather that bowed gray head into my arms and lavish the love he longed +for upon my father. My heart sang a little hymn of joy. I, who had +been kinless, with no one of my own blood, had found a father! + +And then, with my hand outstretched, almost touching my father's head, +the revulsion came. + +True, this man was my father, but he was also the man who had made my +mother's life one long tragedy. All my life I had schooled myself to +hate the man who had deserted my mother and me when I was four years +old, who had added to the desertion the insult of taking with him the +woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. My love for my +mother had been the absorbing emotion of my life, until she had left +me, and because of that love I had loathed the very thought of the man +who had caused her to suffer so terribly. + +My father lifted his head and looked at me, and there was that in his +eyes which made me shudder. It was the look of a prisoner in the dock, +waiting to receive a sentence. + +"Of course, I know you must hate the very sight of me, Margaret," he +said brokenly. "I had not meant to tell you so soon. But I have to go +away almost at once to South America, and it is very uncertain when I +shall return. I could not bear to go without your knowing how I have +loved and longed for you. + +"Never so great a sinner as I, my child," the weary old voice went +on, "but, oh, if you could know my bitter repentance, my years of +loneliness." + +His voice tore at my heart strings, but I steeled myself against him. +One thing I must know. + +"Where is the person with whom--" I could not finish the words. + +"I do not know." The words rang true. I was sure he was not lying to +me. "I have not seen or heard of her in over twenty years." + +Then the association had not lasted. I had a sudden clairvoyant +glimpse into my father's soul. My mother had been the real love of +his life. His infatuation for the other woman had been but a temporary +madness. What long drawn out, agonized repentance must have been his +for twenty years with wife, child and home lost to him! + +I leaned back and closed my eyes for a minute, overwhelmed with the +problem which confronted me. And then--call it hallucination or what +you will--I heard my mother's voice, as clearly as I ever heard it in +life, repeating the words I had read weeks before in the letter she +had left for me at her death. + +"Remember it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be living +sometime you may be reconciled to him." + +I opened my eyes with a little cry of thanksgiving. It was as if my +mother had stretched out her hand from heaven to sanction the one +thing I most longed to do. + +"Father!" I gasped. "Oh, my father, I have wanted you so." + +He uttered a little cry of joy, and then my father's arms were around +me, my face was close to his, and for the first time since I was a +baby of four years I knew my father's kisses. + +A smothered sound, almost like a groan, startled me, and then the door +slammed shut. + +"What was that?" I asked. "Is there any one there?" + +My father raised his head. "No, there is no one there," he said. "See, +the wind is rising. It must have been that which slammed the door. I +think I would better shut the window." + +He moved over to the window, which Lillian had kept partly ajar for +air, and closed it. Then he returned to my bedside. + +"There is one thing I must ask you to do, my child," he said +hesitatingly, "and that is to keep secret the fact that instead of +being Robert Gordon, I am in reality Charles Robert Gordon Spencer, +and your father. Of course your husband must know and Mrs. Underwood, +as her husband is going with me to South America. But I should advise +very strongly against the knowledge coming into the possession of any +one else. + +"I cannot explain to you now, why I dropped part of my name, or why I +exact this promise," he went on, "but it is imperative that I do ask +it, and that you heed the request. You will respect my wishes in this +matter, will you not, my daughter?" + +It was all very stilted, almost melodramatic, but my father was so +much in earnest that I readily gave the promise he asked. With a look +of relief he took a package from his pocket and handed it to me. + +"Keep this carefully," he said. "It contains all the data which you +will need in case of my death. Rumor says that I am a very rich man. +As usual rumor is wrong, but I have enough so that you will always +be comfortable. And for fear that something might happen to you in +my absence I have placed to your account in the Knickerbocker money +enough for any emergency, also for any extra spending money you may +wish. The bank book is among these papers. I trust that you will use +it. I shall like to feel that you are using it. And now good-by. I +shall not see you again." + +He kissed me, lingeringly, tenderly, and went out of the room. I lay +looking at the package he had given me, wondering if it were all a +dream. + + + + +XLI + +WHY DID DICKY GO? + + +"Margaret, I have the queerest message from Richard. I cannot make it +out." + +My mother-in-law rustled into my room, her voice querulous, her face +expressing the utmost bewilderment. + +"What is it, mother?" I asked nervously. It was late afternoon of the +day in which Robert Gordon had revealed his identity as my father, and +my nerves were still tense from the shock of the discovery. + +"Why, Richard has left the city. He telephoned me just now that he +had an unexpected offer at an unusual sum to do some work in San +Francisco, I think, he said, and that he would be gone some months. If +he accepted the offer he would have no time to come home. He said he +would write to both of us tonight. What do you suppose it means?" + +"I--do--not--know," I returned slowly and truthfully, but there was a +terrible frightened feeling at my heart. Dicky gone for months without +coming to bid me good-by! My world seemed to whirl around me. But I +must do or say nothing to alarm my mother-in-law. Her weak heart made +it imperative that she be shielded from worry of any kind. + +I rallied every atom of self-control I possessed. "There is nothing +to worry about, mother," I said carelessly. "Dicky has often spoken +recently about this offer to go to San Francisco. It was always +tentative before, but he knew that when it did come he would have to +go at a minute's notice. You know he always keeps a bag packed at the +studio for just such emergencies." + +The last part of my little speech was true. Dicky did keep a bag +packed for the emergency summons he once in a while received from his +clients. But I had never heard of the trip to San Francisco. But I +must reassure my mother-in-law in some way. + +"Well, I think it's mighty queer," she grumbled, going out of the +room. + +"You adorable little fibber!" Lillian said tenderly, rising, and +coming over to me. Her voice was gay, but I who knew its every +intonation, caught an undertone of worry. + +"Lillian!" I exclaimed sharply. "What is it? Do you know anything?" + +"Hush, child," she said firmly. "I know nothing. You will hear all +about it tomorrow morning when you receive Dicky's letters. Until then +you must be quiet and brave." + +It was like her not to adjure me to keep from worrying. She never did +the usual futile things. But all through my wakeful night, whenever I +turned over or uttered the slightest sound, she was at my side in an +instant. + +Never until death stops my memory will I forget that next morning with +its letters from Dicky. + +There was one for my mother-in-law, none for me, but I saw an envelope +in Lillian's hand, which I was sure was from my husband, even before I +had seen the shocked pallor which spread over her face as she read it. + +"Oh, Lillian, what is it?" I whispered in terror. + +"Wait," she commanded. "Do not let your mother-in-law guess anything +is amiss." + +But when Mother Graham's demand to know what Dicky had written to me +had been appeased by Lillian's offhand remark that country mails were +never reliable, and that my letter would probably arrive later, the +elder woman went to her own room to puzzle anew over her son's letter, +which simply said over again what he had told her over the telephone. + +When she had gone Lillian locked the door softly behind her, then +coming over to me, sank down by my bedside and slipped her arm around +me. + +"You must be brave, Madge," she said quietly. "Read this through and +tell me if you have any idea what it means." + +I took the letter she held out to me, and read it through. + +"Dear Lil," the letter began. "You have never failed me yet, so I know +you'll look after things for me now. + +"I am going away. I shall never see Madge again, nor do I ever expect +to hear from her. Will you look out for her until she is free from me? +She can sue me for desertion, you know, and get her divorce. I will +put in no defence. + +"Most of her funds are banked in her name, anyway. But for fear she +will not want to use that money I am going to send a check to you each +month for her which you are to use as you see fit, with or without her +knowledge. I am enclosing the key of the studio. The rent is paid a +long ways ahead, and I will send you the money for future payments +and its care. Please have it kept ready for me to walk in at any time. +Mother always goes to Elizabeth's for the holidays, anyway. Keep her +from guessing as long as you can. I'll write to her after she gets to +Elizabeth's. + +"I guess that's all. If Madge doesn't understand why I am doing this I +can't help it. But it's the only thing to do. Yours always. DICKY." + +The room seemed to whirl around me as I read. Dicky gone forever, +arranging for me to get a divorce! I clung blindly to Lillian as I +moaned: "Oh, what does it mean?" + +"Think, Madge, Madge, have you and Dicky had any quarrel lately?" + +"Nothing that could be called a quarrel, no," I returned, "and, not +even the shadow of a disagreement since my accident." + +"Then," Lillian said musingly, "either Dicky has gone suddenly mad--" + +She stopped and looked at me searchingly. "Or what, Lillian," I +pleaded. "Tell me. I am strong enough to stand the truth, but not +suspense." + +"I believe you are," she said, "and you will have to help me find out +the truth. Now remember this may have no bearing on the thing at all, +but Harry saw Grace Draper talking to Dicky the other day. He said +Dicky didn't act particularly well pleased at the meeting, but that +the girl was, as Harry put it, 'fit to put your eyes out,' she looked +so stunning. But it doesn't seem possible that if Dicky had gone away +with her he would write that sort of a note to me and leave no word +for you." + +"Fit to put your eyes out!" The phrase stung me. With a quick +movement, I grasped the hand mirror that lay on the stand by my bed, +and looked critically at the image reflected there. Wan, hollow-eyed, +with one side of my face and neck still flaming from my burns, I had a +quick perception of the way in which my husband, beauty-lover that he +is, must have contrasted my appearance with that of Grace Draper. + +Lillian took the mirror forcibly from me, and laid it out of my reach. + +"This sort of thing won't do," she said firmly. "It only makes matters +worse. Now just be as brave as you possibly can. Remember, I am right +here every minute." + +I could only cling to her. There seemed in all the world no refuge for +me but Lillian's arms. + +The weeks immediately following Dicky's departure are almost a blank +memory to me. I seemed stunned, incapable of action, even of thinking +clearly. + +If it had not been for Lillian, I do not know what I should have done. +She cared for me with infinite tenderness and understanding, she +stood between me and the imperative curiosity and bewilderment of +my mother-in-law, and she made all the arrangements necessary for my +taking up my life as a thing apart from my husband. + +It seemed almost like an interposition of Providence that two days +after Dicky's bombshell, his mother received a letter from her +daughter Elizabeth asking her to go to Florida for the rest of the +winter. One of the children had been ordered south by the family +physician, and Dicky's sister was to accompany her little daughter, +while the other children remained at home under the care of their +father and his mother. Mother Graham dearly loves to travel, and +I knew from Lillian's reports and the few glimpses I had of my +mother-in-law that she was delighted with the prospect before her. + +How Lillian managed to quiet the elder woman's natural worry about +Dicky, her half-formed suspicion that something was wrong, and her +conviction that without her to look after me I should not be able to +get through the winter, I never knew. + +I do not remember seeing my mother-in-law but once or twice in the +interval between the receipt of Dicky's letter and her departure. The +memory of her good-by to me, however, is very distinct. + +She came into the room, cloaked and hatted, ready for the taxi which +was to take her to the station. Katie was to go into New York with +her, and see her safely on the train. Her face was pale, and I noticed +listlessly that her eyelids were reddened as if she had been weeping. +She bent and kissed me tenderly, and then she put her arms around me, +and held me tightly. + +"I don't know what it is all about, dear child," she said. "I hope all +is as it seems outwardly. But remember, Margaret, I am your friend, +whatever happens, and if it will help you any, you may remember that +I, too, have had to walk this same sharp paved way." + +Then she went away. I remembered that she had said something of the +kind once before, giving me to understand that Dicky's father had +caused her much unhappiness. Did she believe too, I wondered, that +Dicky was with Grace Draper, that his brief infatuation for the girl +had returned when he had seen her again? + +For days after that, I drifted--there is no other word for it--through +the hours of each day. When it was absolutely necessary for Lillian to +know some detail, which I alone could give her, she would come to +me, rouse me, and holding me to the subject by the sheer force of her +will, obtain the information she wished, and then leave me to myself, +or rather to Katie again. Katie was my devoted slave. She waited on +me hand and foot, and made a most admirable nurse when Lillian was +compelled to be absent. + +When I thought about the matter at all, I realized that Lillian was +preparing to have me share her apartment in the city when I should +be strong enough to leave my home. Harry Underwood had gone with my +father to South America for a trip which would take many months, so +I made no protest. I knew also, because of questions she had made me +answer, that she had arranged with the Lotus Study Club to have an old +teaching comrade of mine, a man who had experience in club lectures, +take my place until I should be well enough to go back to the work. + +In so far as I could feel anything, the knowledge that I was still +to have my club work gratified me. The twenty dollars a week which it +paid me, while not large, would preserve my independence until I could +gain courage to go back to my teaching. + +For one feeling obsessed me, was strong enough to penetrate the +lethargy of mind and body into which Dicky's letter had thrown me. I +spoke of it to Lillian one day. + +"Do--not--use--any--of--Dicky's--money," I said slowly and painfully. +"My--own--bank--book--in--desk." + +She took it out, and I also gave her the bank book and papers my +father had given me the day before he left for South America. + +"Keep--them--for--me," I whispered, and then at her tender +comprehending smile, I had a sudden revelation. + +"Then--you--know--" Astonishment made my voice stronger. + +"That Robert Gordon is your father?" she returned briskly. "Bless you, +child, I've suspected it ever since I first heard of his emotion on +hearing the names of your parents. But nobody else knows, I didn't +think it necessary to tell your mother-in-law or Katie, unless, of +course, you want me to do so." + +Her smile was so cheery, so infectious, that I could not help but +smile back at her. There was still something on my mind, however. + +"This house must be closed," I told her. "Try to find positions for +Katie and Jim." + +"I'll attend to everything," she promised, and I did not realize that +her words meant directly opposite to the interpretation I put upon +them, until after myself and all my personal belongings had been moved +to Lillian's apartment in the city, and I had thrown off the terrible +physical weakness and mental lethargy which had been mine. + +"I had to do as I thought best about the house in Marvin, Madge," she +said firmly. "I thoroughly respect your feeling about using any of +Dicky's money for your own expenses, but you are not living in +the Marvin house. It is simply Dicky's home, which as his friend, +commissioned to see after his affairs, I am going to keep in readiness +for his return, unless I receive other instructions from him. Jim +and Katie will stay there as caretakers until this horrible mistake, +whatever it may be, is cleared up. Thus your home will be always +waiting for you." + +"Never my home again, I fear, Lillian," I said sadly. + +There is no magic of healing like that held in the hands of a little +child. It was providential for me that, a short time after Lillian +took me to the apartment which had been home to her for years, her +small daughter, Marion, was restored to her. + +The child's father died suddenly, after all, and to Lillian fell the +task of caring for and comforting the old mother of the man who had +done his best to spoil Lillian's life. She brought the aged and +feeble sufferer to the apartment, established her in the bedroom which +Lillian had always kept for herself, and engaged a nurse to care +for her. When I recalled Lillian's story, remembered that her first +husband's mother without a jot of evidence to go upon had believed her +son's vile accusations against Lillian, my friend's forgiveness seemed +almost divine to me. I am afraid I never could have equaled it. When I +said as much to Lillian, she looked at me uncomprehendingly. + +"Why, Madge!" she said. "There was nothing else to do. Marion's +grandmother is devoted to her. To separate them now would kill the +old woman. Besides her income is so limited that she cannot have the +proper care unless I do take her in." + +"I thought you said Mr. Morten had a legacy about the time of his +second marriage." + +"He did, but most of it has been dissipated, I imagine, and what there +is left is in the possession of his wife, a woman with no more red +blood than a codfish. She would let his mother starve before she +would exert herself to help her, or part with any money. No, there +is nothing else to do, Madge. I'll just have to work a little harder, +that's all, and that's good for me, best reducing system there is, you +know." + +The sheer, indomitable courage of her, taking up burdens in her middle +age which should never be hers, and assuming them with a smile and +jest upon her lips! I felt suddenly ashamed of the weakness with which +I had met my own problems. + +"Lillian!" I said abruptly, "you make me ashamed of myself. I'm going +to stop grieving--as much as I can--" I qualified, "and get to work. +Tell me, how can I best help you? I'm going back to my club work next +week--I am sure I shall be strong enough by then, but I shall have +such loads of time outside." + +My friend came over to me impetuously, and kissed me warmly. + +"You blessed child!" she said. "I am so glad if anything has roused +you. And I'm going to accept your words in the spirit in which I am +sure they were uttered. If you can share Marion with me for awhile, it +will help me more than anything else. I have so many orders piled +up, I don't know where to begin first. Her grandmother is too ill to +attend to her, and I don't want to leave her with any hired attendant, +she has had too many of those already." + +"Don't say another word," I interrupted. "There's nothing on earth I'd +rather do just now than take care of Marion." + +Thus began a long succession of peaceful days, spent with Lillian's +small daughter. She was a bewitching little creature of nine years, +but so tiny that she appeared more like a child of six. I had taught +many children, but never had been associated with a child at home. +I grew sincerely attached to the little creature, and she, in turn, +appeared very fond of me. Lillian told her to call me "Aunt Madge," +and the sound of the title was grateful to me. + +"Auntie Madge, Auntie Madge," the sweet childish voice rang the +changes on the name so often that I grew to associate my name with the +love I felt for the child. This made it all the harder for me to bear +when the child's hand all unwittingly brought me the hardest blow Fate +had yet dealt me. + +It was her chief delight to answer the postman's ring, and bring me +the mail each day. On this particular afternoon I had been especially +busy, and thus less miserable than usual. I heard the postman's ring, +and then the voice of Marion. + +"Auntie Madge, it's a letter for you this time." + +I began to tremble, for some unaccountable reason. It was as though +the shadow of the letter the child was bringing had already begun to +fall on me. As she ran to me, and held out the letter, I saw that it +was postmarked San Francisco! But the handwriting was not Dicky's. + +I opened it, and from it fell a single sheet of notepaper inscribed: + +"She laughs best who laughs last. Grace Draper." + +I looked at the thing until it seemed to me that the characters were +alive and writhed upon the paper. I shudderingly put the paper away +from me, and leaned back in my chair and shut my eyes. Then Marion's +little arms were around my neck, her warm, moist kisses upon my cheek, +her frightened voice in my ears. + +"Oh! Auntie Madge," she said. "What was in the naughty letter that +hurt you so? Nasty old thing! I'm going to tear it up." + +"No, no, Marion," I answered. "I must let your mother see it first. +Call her, dear, won't you, please?" + +When Lillian came, I mutely showed her the note. She studied it +carefully, frowning as she did so. + +"Pleasant creature!" she commented at last. "But I shouldn't put too +much dependence on this, Madge. She may be with him, of course. But +you ought to know that truth is a mere detail with Grace Draper. She +would just as soon have sent this to you if she had not seen him for +weeks, and knew no more of his address than you." + +"But this is postmarked San Francisco," I said faintly. + +Lillian laughed shortly. "My dear little innocent!" she said, "it +would be the easiest thing in the world for her to send this envelope +enclosed in one to some friend in San Francisco, who would re-direct +it for her." + +"I never thought of that," I said, flushing. "But, oh! Lillian, if he +did not go away with her, what possible explanation is there of his +leaving like this?" + +"Yes, I know, dear," she returned. "It's a mystery, and one in the +solving of which I seem perfectly helpless. I do wish someone would +drop from the sky to help us." + + + + +XLII + +DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + +It was not from the sky, however, but from across the ocean that +the help Lillian had longed for in solving the mystery of Dicky's +abandonment of me, finally came. It was less than a week after the +receipt of Grace Draper's message, that Lillian and I, sitting in +her wonderful white and scarlet living room, one evening after little +Marion had gone to bed, heard Betty ushering in callers. + +"Betty must know them or she wouldn't bring them in unannounced," +Lillian murmured, as she rose to her feet, and then the next moment +there was framed in the doorway the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. And +with him, wonder of wonders! the slight form, the beautiful, wistful, +tired face of Katharine Sonnot, whose ambition to go to France as a +nurse I had been able to further. + +"My dear, what has happened to you?" Katherine exclaimed solicitously. +"I received no answer to my letter saying I was coming home, so when I +reached New York, I went to Dr. Pettit. He thought you were at Marvin, +but when he telephoned out there, Katie said you had had a terrible +accident, and that you had left Marvin. I was not quite sure, for +she was half crying over the telephone, but I thought she said 'for +keeps.'" + +She stopped and looked at me with a hint of fright in her manner. I +knew she wanted to ask about Dicky's absence, and did not dare to do +so. + +"Everything you heard is true, Katherine," I returned, a trifle +unsteadily, as her arms went around me warmly. I was more than a +trifle upset by her coming, for associated with her were memories of +my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who had gone to the great war when +he had learned that I was married, and of whose death "somewhere in +France," I had heard through Mrs. Stewart. + +"Where is your husband?" Dr. Pettit demanded, and there was that in +his voice which told me that he was putting an iron hand upon his own +emotions. + +Now the stock answer which Lillian and I returned to all inquiries of +this sort was "In San Francisco upon a big commission." It was upon +my lips, but some influence stronger than my will made me change it to +the truth. + +"I do not know," I said faintly. "He left the city very abruptly +several weeks ago, sending word in a letter to Mrs. Underwood that he +would never see me again. It is a terrible mystery." + +Dr. Pettit muttered something that I knew was a bitter anathema +against Dicky, and then folded his arms tightly across his chest, as +if he would keep in any further comment. But I had no time to pay +any attention to him, for Katherine Sonnot was uttering words that +bewildered and terrified me. + +"Oh! how terrible!" she said. "Jack will be so grieved. He had so +hoped to find you happy together when he came home." + +Was the girl's brain turned, I wondered, because of grief for my +brother-cousin's death? I had known before I secured the chance for +her to go to France that she was romantically interested in the man +who had been her brother's comrade, although she had never seen +him. And from Jack's letters to Mrs. Stewart, I had learned of their +meeting in the French hospital, and of the acquaintance which promised +to ripen--which evidently had ripened--into love. + +I looked at her searchingly, and then I spoke, hardly able to get the +words out for the wild trembling of my whole body. + +"Jack grieved?" I said. "Why! Jack is dead! We had the notice of his +death weeks ago from his friend, Paul Caillard." + +I saw them all look at me as if frightened. Dr. Pettit reached me +first and put something under my nostrils which vitalized my wandering +senses. I straightened myself and cried out peremptorily. + +"What is it, oh! what is it?" + +I saw Katherine look at Dr. Pettit, as if for permission, and the +young physician's lips form the words, "Tell her." + +"No, dear. Jack isn't dead," she said softly. "He was missing for some +time, and was brought into our hospital terribly wounded, but he is +very much alive now, and will be here in New York in two weeks." + +I felt the pungent revivifier in Dr. Pettit's hand steal under my +nostrils again, but I pushed it aside and sat up. + +"I am not at all faint," I said abruptly, and then to Katherine +Sonnot. "Please say that over again, slowly." + +She repeated her words slowly. "I should have waited to come over with +him," she added, "for he is still quite weak, but Dr. Braithwaite +had to send some one over to attend to business for the hospital. He +selected me, and so I had to come on earlier." + +So it was true, then, this miracle of miracles, this return of the +dead to life! Jack, the brother-cousin on whom I had depended all my +life, was still in the same world with me! Some of the terrible burden +I had been bearing since Dicky's disappearance slipped away from me. +If anyone in the world could solve the mystery of Dicky's actions, it +would be Jack Bickett. + +Dr. Pettit's voice broke into my reverie. I saw that Lillian and +Katherine Sonnot were deep in conversation. The young physician and I +were far enough away from them so that there was no possibility of +his low tones being heard. He bent over my chair, and his eyes were +burning with a light that terrified me. + +"Tell me," he commanded, "do you want your husband back again. Take +your time in answering. I must know." + +There was something in his voice that compelled obedience. I leaned +back in my chair and shut my eyes, while I looked at the question he +had put me fairly and squarely. + +The question seemed to echo in my ears. I was surprised at myself that +I did not at once reply with a passionate affirmative. Surely I had +suffered enough to welcome Dicky's return at any time. + +Ah! there was the root of the whole thing. I had suffered, how I had +suffered at Dicky's hands! As my memory ran back through our stormy +married life, I wondered whether it were wise--even though it should +be proved to me that Dicky had not gone away with Grace Draper--to +take up life with my husband again. + +And then, woman-like, all the bitter recollections were shut out by +other memories which came thronging into my brain, memories of Dicky's +royal tenderness when he was not in a bad humor, of his voice, his +smile, his lips, his arms around me, I knew, although my reason +dreaded the knowledge, that unless my husband came back to me, I +should never know happiness again. + +I opened my eyes and looked steadily at the young physician. + +"Yes, God help me. I do!" I said. + +Dr. Pettit winced as if I had struck him. Then he said gravely: + +"Thank you for your honesty, and believe that if there be any way in +which I can serve you, I shall not hesitate to take it." + +"I am sure of that," I replied earnestly, and the next moment, without +a farewell glance, a touch of my hand, he went over to Katherine, and, +in a voice very different in volume than the suppressed tones of his +conversation to me, I heard him apologize to her for having to go away +at once, heard her laughing reply that after the French hospitals she +did not fear the New York streets, and then the door had closed after +the young physician, whose too-evident interest in me had always +disturbed me. + +I hastened to join Lillian and Katherine. I did not want to be left +alone. Thinking was too painful. + +"Just think!" Katherine said as I joined them, "I find that I'm living +only a block away. I'm at my old rooming place--luckily they had +a vacant room. Of course, I shall be fearfully busy with Dr. +Braithwaite's work, but being so near, I can spend every spare minute +with you--that is, if you want me," she added shyly. + +"Want you, child!" I returned, and I think the emphasis in my voice +reassured her, for she flushed with pleasure, and the next minute with +embarrassment as I said pointedly: + +"I imagine you have some unusually interesting and pleasant things to +tell me, especially about my cousin." + +But, after all, it was left for Jack himself to tell me the +"interesting things." Katherine became almost at once so absorbed in +the work for Dr. Braithwaite that she had very little time to spend +with us. There was another reason for her absence, of which she spoke +half apologetically one night, about a week after her arrival. + +"There's a girl in the room next mine who keeps me awake by her +moaning," she said. "I don't get half enough sleep, and the result is +that when I get in from my work I'm so dead tired I tumble into bed, +instead of coming over here as I'm longing to do. The housekeeper says +she's a student of some kind, and that she's really ill enough to need +a physician, although she goes to her school or work each morning. +I've only caught glimpses of her, but she strikes me as being rather +a stunning-looking creature. I wish she'd moan in the daytime, though. +Some night I'm going in there and give her a sleeping powder. Joking +aside, I'm rather anxious about her. Whatever is the matter with her, +physical or mental, it's a real trouble, and I wish I could help her." + +The real Katherine Sonnot spoke in the last sentence. Like many +nurses, she had a superficial lightness of manner, behind which she +often concealed the wonderful sympathy with and understanding for +suffering which was hers. I knew that if the poor unknown sufferer +needed aid or friendship, she would receive both from Katherine. + +It was shortly after this talk that I noticed the extraordinary +intimacy which seemed to have sprung up between Katherine and Lillian. +I seemed to be quite set aside, almost forgotten, when Katherine came +to the apartment. And there was such an air of mystery about their +conversation! If they were talking together, and I came within +hearing, they either abruptly stopped speaking, or shifted the +subject. + +I was just childish and weak enough from my illness to be a trifle +chagrined at being so left out, and I am afraid my chagrin amounted +almost to sulkiness sometimes. Lillian and Katherine, however, +appeared to notice nothing, and their mysterious conferences increased +in number as the days went on. + +There came a day at last when my morbidness had increased to such an +extent that I felt there was nothing more in the world for me, and +that there was no one to care what became of me. I was huddled in +one of Lillian's big chairs before the fireplace in the living room, +drearily watching the flames, through eyes almost too dim with tears +to see them. I could hear the murmur of voices in the hall, where +Katherine and Lillian had been standing ever since Katherine's +arrival, a few minutes before. Then the voices grew louder, there was +a rush of feet to the door, a "Hush!" from Lillian, and then, pale, +emaciated, showing the effects of the terrible ordeal through which he +had gone, my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who, until Katherine came +home, I had thought was dead, stood before me. + +"Oh! Jack, Jack. Thank God! Thank God!" + +As I saw my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, whom I had so long mourned +as dead, coming toward me in Lillian Underwood's living room, I +stumbled to my feet, and, with no thought of spectators, or of +anything save the fact that the best friend I had ever known had come +back to me, I rushed into his arms, and clung to him wildly, sobbing +out all the heartache and terror that had been mine since Dicky had +left me in so cruel and mysterious a manner. + +I felt as a little child might that had been lost and suddenly caught +sight of its father or mother. The awful burden that had been mine +lifted at the very sight of Jack's pale face smiling down at me. I +knew that someway, somehow, Jack would straighten everything out for +me. + +"There, there, Margaret." Jack's well-remembered tones, huskier, +weaker by far than when I had last heard them, soothed me, calmed me. +"Everything's going to come out all right. I'll see to it all. Sit +down, and let me hear all about it." + +There was an indefinable air of embarrassment about him which I could +not understand at first. Then I saw beyond him the lovely flushed +face of Katharine Sonnot, and in her eyes there was a faintly troubled +look. + +I read it all in a flash. Jack was embarrassed because I had so +impetuously embraced him before Katherine. I withdrew myself from his +embrace abruptly, and drew a chair for him near my own. + +"Are you sure you are fully recovered?" I asked, and I saw Jack look +wonderingly at the touch of formality in my tone. + +"No, I cannot say that," he returned gravely, "but I am so much better +off than so many of the other poor chaps who survived, that I have no +right to complain. Mine was a body wound, and while I shall feel its +effects on my general health for years, perhaps all my life, yet I am +not crippled." + +His tone was full of thankfulness, and all my pettiness vanished at +the sudden, swift vision of what he must have endured. The next moment +he had turned my thoughts into a new channel. + +"Margaret," he said gravely, "I am terribly distressed to hear from +Katherine that your husband has gone away in such a strange manner." + +So she had already told him! The little pang of unworthy jealousy came +back, but I banished it. + +"Now, there must be no more time lost," he went on. "You have had no +man to look after things for you, but remember now, your old brother, +Jack, is on the job. First, I must know everything that occurred on +that last day. Did you notice anything extraordinary in his demeanor +on that last morning you saw him?" + +This was the old Jack, going directly to the root of the matter, +wasting no time on his own affairs or feelings, when he saw a duty +before him. I felt the old sway of his personality upon me, and +answered his questions as meekly as a child might have done. + +"He was just the same as he had been every morning since my accident," +I returned. + +"H-m." Jack thought a long minute, then began again. + +"Tell me everything that happened that day, every visitor you had; +don't omit the most trifling thing," he commanded. + +He listened attentively as I recalled Harry Underwood's visit, and +Robert Gordon's. At my revelation that Robert Gordon had said he was +my father, his calm, judicial manner broke into excitement. + +"Your father!" he exclaimed, and then, after a pause; "I always knew +he would come back some day. But go on. What happened when he told you +he was your father?" + +I went on with the story of my struggle with my own rancor against my +father, of my conviction that I had heard my mother's voice urging my +reconciliation with him, of my father's first embrace and kisses, even +of the queer smothered sound like a groan and the slamming of a door +which I had heard. Then I told him of my father's gift of money to me, +which I had not yet touched, but I noticed that toward the last of my +narrative Jack seemed preoccupied. + +"Did your husband come home to Marvin at all that day?" he asked. + +"No, he never came back from the city after he had once gone in, until +evening." + +"But are you sure that this day he did not return to Marvin?" he +persisted. "How do you know?" + +"Because no one saw him," I returned, "and he could hardly have come +back without someone in the house seeing him." + +He said no more, as Lillian and Katherine came up just then, and the +conversation became general. + +To my great surprise, I did not see him again after that first visit. +Katherine explained to me that he had been called out of town on +urgent business, but the explanation seemed to me to savor of the +mysterious excitement that seemed to possess everybody around me. + +Finally one morning, Lillian came to me, her face shining. + +"I want you to prepare to be very brave, Madge," she said. "There is +some one coming whom I fear it will tax all your strength to meet." + +"Dicky!" I faltered, beginning to tremble. + +"No, child, not yet," she said, her voice filled with pity, "but +someone who has done you a great wrong, Grace Draper." + + + + +XLIII + +"TAKE ME HOME" + + +"Grace Draper coming to see me!" + +My echo of Lillian's words was but a trembling stammer. The prospect +of facing the girl the thread of whose sinister personality had so +marred the fabric of my marital happiness terrified me. Her message +to me, posted in San Francisco, where Dicky was, flaunted its insolent +triumph again before my eyes: + +"She laughs best who laughs last." + +That she had intended me to believe she was with Dicky, I knew, +whether her boast were true or not. But how was it that she was coming +to see me? Lillian put a reassuring hand upon my shoulder as she saw +my face. + +"Pull yourself together, Madge," she admonished me sharply. "Let me +make this clear to you. Grace Draper is not in San Francisco now. +Whether she has been, or what she knows about Dicky she has refused so +far to say. She has finally consented to see you, however." + +"But, how?" I murmured, bewildered. + +"Do you remember the girl of whom Katherine spoke when she first came, +the girl who moaned at night in the room next hers?" + +"Oh, yes! And she was--?" + +"Grace Draper. I do not know what made me think of the Draper when +Katherine spoke of the girl, but I did, although I said nothing about +it at the time. A little later, however, when the girl became really +ill and Katherine was caring for her as a mother or a sister would +have done, I told our little friend of my suspicion. Of course, +Katherine watched her mysterious patient very carefully after that, +and when she became ill enough to require a physician's services, +Katharine managed it so that Dr. Pettit was called, and he recognized +the girl at once. + +"Ever since then, Katherine has been working on the substitute for +honor and conscience which the Draper carries around with her--but +she was hard as nails for a long time. She is terribly grateful to +Katherine, however, as fond of her as she can be of anyone, and she +has finally consented to come here. Don't anger her if you can help +it." + +When, a little later, Grace Draper and I faced each other, it was pity +instead of anger that stirred my heart. The girl was inexpressibly +wan, her beauty only a worn shadow of its former glory. But there was +the old flash of defiant hatred in her eyes as she looked at me. + +"Please don't flatter yourself that I have come here for your sake," +she said, with her old smooth insolence. "But this girl here"--she +indicated Katherine--"took care of me before she knew who I was. She +just about saved my life and reason, too, when there was nobody else +to care a whit whether I lived or died. Even my sister's gone back on +me. So when I saw how much it meant to her to find out the truth about +your precious husband, I promised her I'd come and tell you the little +I knew." + +She drew a long breath, and went on. + +"In the first place, I didn't go to San Francisco with Dicky Graham, +although I'm glad if my little trick made you think so for awhile. I +didn't go anywhere with him except into a café for a few minutes, the +day he left New York. It was just after he got back from Marvin, and +he was pouring drinks into himself so fast that he was pretty hazy +about what had happened, but I made a pretty shrewd guess as to his +trouble." + +She turned to me, and I saw with amazement that contempt for me was +written on her face. + +"You!" she snarled, "with your innocent face, and your high and mighty +airs, you must have been up to something pretty disgraceful, to +have your husband feel the way he did that day he started for San +Francisco! He had to go out to Marvin unexpectedly that morning, +almost as soon as he had arrived in the city. What or who he found +there, you know best." + +"Stop!" said Lillian authoritatively, and for a long minute the two +women faced each other, Grace Draper defiant, Lillian, with all the +compelling, almost hypnotic power that is hers when she chooses to +exercise it. + +The accusation which the girl had hurled at me stunned me as +effectually as an actual missile from her hand would have done. What +did she mean? And then, before my dazed brain could work itself back +through the mazes of memory, there came the whir of a taxi in the +street, an imperative ring of the bell, a tramp of masculine footsteps +in the hall, and then--my husband's arms were around me, his lips +murmuring disjointed, incoherent sentences against my cheek. + +"Madge! Madge! little sweetheart!--no right to ask +forgiveness--deserve to lose you forever for my doubt of you--been +through a thousand hells since I left--" + +Over Dicky's shoulder I saw Jack's dear face smiling tenderly, +triumphantly, at me, realized that he must have started after Dicky +as soon as he had heard my story of my husband's inexplicable +departure--and the light for which I had been groping suddenly +illuminated Grace Draper's words. + +"So you saw my father embrace me that day!" I exclaimed, and at the +words the face of the girl who had caused me so much suffering grew +whiter, if possible, and she sank into a chair, as if unable to stand. + +"Yes." A wave of shamed color swept my husband's face, his words were +low and hurried. "But you must believe this one thing,--I had made +up my mind to come back and beg your forgiveness, indeed, I was just +ready to start for New York, when your cousin found me and brought me +the true explanation of things. + +"I--I--couldn't stand it any longer without you, Madge. I must have +been mad to go away like that. You won't shut me out altogether, will +you, sweetheart?" + +I had thought that if Dicky ever came back me I should make him suffer +a little of what he had compelled me to endure. But, as I looked +from the white, drawn face of the girl, who I was sure still counted +Dicky's love as a stake for which no wager was too high, to the +anxious faces of the dear friends who had helped to bring him back to +me, I could do nothing but yield myself rapturously to the clasp of my +husband's arms. + +"I couldn't have stood it much longer without you, Dicky," I +whispered, and then, forgetting everything else in the world but +our happiness, my husband's lips met mine in a long kiss of +reconciliation. + +A half choked little cry startled me, and I saw Grace Draper get +to her feet unsteadily and start for the door, with her hands +outstretched gropingly before her, almost as if she were blind. +Katherine Sonnot hurried to her, and then Jack spoke to me for the +first time since he had brought Dicky into the room. + +"Good-by, Margaret, until I see you again," he said hurriedly. +"Good-by, Dicky, I must go to Katherine." + +"Good-by, old chap," Dicky returned heartily, and in his tone I read +the blessed knowledge that my cherished dream had come true, that my +husband and my brother-cousin were friends at last. And from the look +upon Jack's face as his eyes met Katharine's, I knew that he, too, had +found happiness. + +I saw the trio go out of the room, the girl who had wronged me, and +the friends who had helped me. Then my eyes turned to the truest, most +loyal friend of all, Lillian, who stood near us, frankly weeping with +joy. I put out my hand to her, and drew her also into Dicky's embrace. +How long a cry it had been since the days when I was wildly jealous of +her old friendship with Dicky! + +"Will you come away with me for a new honeymoon, sweetheart?" Dicky +asked, tenderly, after awhile, when Lillian had softly slipped away +and left us alone together. + +Into my brain there flashed a sudden picture of the homely living room +in the Brennan house at Marvin, with the leaping fire, which I +knew Jim would have for us whenever we came, with Katie's impetuous +welcome. I turned to Dicky with a passionate little plea. + +"Oh! Dicky," I said earnestly, "take me home." + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Revelations of a Wife, by Adele Garrison + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REVELATIONS OF A WIFE *** + +***** This file should be named 12084-8.txt or 12084-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/2/0/8/12084/ + +Produced by Leah Moser and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/old/12084-8.zip b/old/12084-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a0fe4d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12084-8.zip diff --git a/old/12084.txt b/old/12084.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8eb7dcf --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12084.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13062 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Revelations of a Wife, by Adele Garrison + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Revelations of a Wife + The Story of a Honeymoon + +Author: Adele Garrison + +Release Date: April 19, 2004 [EBook #12084] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REVELATIONS OF A WIFE *** + + + + +Produced by Leah Moser and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +[Illustration: "LOOK AT ME, MARGARET."] + +REVELATIONS OF A WIFE + +The Story of a Honeymoon + + +BY + +ADELE GARRISON + +1915, 1916, 1917 + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I. "I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + II. THE FIRST QUARREL + + III. KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + IV. DIVIDED OPINIONS + + V. "ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + VI. A MAID AND MODEL + + VII. A FRIENDLY WARNING + + VIII. A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + IX. THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + X. GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE + + XI. "I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + XII. LOST AND FOUND + + XIII. "IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + XIV. A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + XV. "BUT I LOVE YOU" + + XVI. INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + XVII. A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + XVIII. "CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + XIX. LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + XX. LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + XXI. LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + XXII. AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + XXIII. "BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + XXIV. A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + XXV. PLAYING THE GAME + + XXVI. A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + XXVII. "HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + XXVIII. A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + XXIX. "BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + XXX. THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + XXXI. A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + XXXII. "THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + XXXIII. "MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + XXXIV. A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + XXXV. THE WORD OF JACK + + XXXVI. "AND YET--" + + XXXVII. A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + XXXVIII. "NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + XXXIX. HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + XL. MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + XLI. WHY DID DICKY GO? + + XLII. DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + XLIII. "TAKE ME HOME" + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +Probably it is true that no two persons entertain precisely the same +view of marriage. If any two did, and one happened to be a man and the +other a woman, there would be many advantages in their exemplifying +the harmony by marrying each other--unless they had already married +some one else. + +Sour-minded critics of life have said that the only persons who are +likely to understand what marriage ought to be are those who +have found it to be something else. Of course most of the foolish +criticisms of marriage are made by those who would find the same fault +with life itself. One man who was asked whether life was worth living, +answered that it depended on the liver. Thus, it has been pointed out +that marriage can be only as good as the persons who marry. This is +simply to say that a partnership is only as good as the partners. + +"Revelations of a Wife" is a woman's confession. Marriage is so vital +a matter to a woman that when she writes about it she is always likely +to be in earnest. In this instance, the likelihood is borne out. Adele +Garrison has listened to the whisperings of her own heart. She has +done more. She has caught the wireless from a man's heart. And she has +poured the record into this story. + +The woman of this story is only one kind of a woman, and the man +is only one kind of a man. But their experiences will touch the +consciousness--I was going to say the conscience--of every man or +woman who has either married or measured marriage, and we've all done +one or the other. + +PIERRE RAVILLE. + + + + +Revelations of a Wife + + + + + +I + +"I WILL BE HAPPY! I WILL! I WILL!" + + +Today we were married. + +I have said these words over and over to myself, and now I have +written them, and the written characters seem as strange to me as the +uttered words did. I cannot believe that I, Margaret Spencer, 27 years +old, I who laughed and sneered at marriage, justifying myself by the +tragedies and unhappiness of scores of my friends, I who have made for +myself a place in the world's work with an assured comfortable income, +have suddenly thrown all my theories to the winds and given myself +in marriage in as impetuous, unreasoning fashion as any foolish +schoolgirl. + +I shall have to change a word in that last paragraph. I forgot that +I am no longer Margaret Spencer, but Margaret Graham, Mrs. Richard +Graham, or, more probably, Mrs. "Dicky" Graham. I don't believe +anybody in the world ever called Richard anything but "Dicky." + +On the other hand, nobody but Richard ever called me anything shorter +than my own dignified name. I have been "Madge" to him almost ever +since I knew him. + +Dear, dear Dicky! If I talked a hundred years I could not express the +difference between us in any better fashion. He is "Dicky" and I am +"Margaret." + +He is downstairs now in the smoking room, impatiently humoring this +lifelong habit of mine to have one hour of the day all to myself. + +My mother taught me this when I was a tiny girl. My "thinking hour," +she called it, a time when I solved my small problems or pondered my +baby sins. All my life I have kept up the practice. And now I am going +to devote it to another request of the little mother who went away +from me forever last year. + +"Margaret, darling," she said to me on the last day we ever talked +together, "some time you are going to marry--you do not think so now, +but you will--and how I wish I had time to warn you of all the hidden +rocks in your course! If I only had kept a record of those days of my +own unhappiness, you might learn to avoid the wretchedness that was +mine. Promise me that if you marry you will write down the problems +that confront you and your solution of them, so than when your own +baby girl comes to you and grows into womanhood she may be helped by +your experience." + +Poor little mother! Her marriage with my father had been one of those +wretched tragedies, the knowledge of which frightens so many people +away from the altar. I have no memory of my father. I do not know +today whether he be living or dead. When I was 4 years old he ran away +with the woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. All my +life has been warped by the knowledge. Even now, worshipping Dicky as +I do, I am wondering as I sit here, obeying my mother's last request, +whether or not an experience like hers will come to me. + +A fine augury for our happiness when such thoughts as this can come to +me on my wedding day! + +Dicky is an artist, with all the faults and all the lovable virtues +of his kind. A week ago I was a teacher, holding one of the most +desirable positions in the city schools. We met just six months ago, +two of the most unsuited people who could be thrown together. And +now we are married! Next week we begin housekeeping in a dear little +apartment near Dicky's studio. + +Dicky has insisted that I give up my work, and against all my +convictions I have yielded to his wishes. But on my part I have +stipulated that I must be permitted to do the housework of our nest, +with the occasional help of a laundress. I will be no parasite wife +who neither helps her husband in or out of the home. But the little +devils must be busy laughing just now. I, who have hardly hung up +my own nightgown for years, and whose knowledge of housekeeping is +mightily near zero, am to try to make home happy and comfortable for +an artist! Poor Dicky! + +I don't know what has come to me. I worship Dicky. He sweeps me off +my feet with his love, his vivid personality overpowers my more +commonplace self, but through all the bewildering intoxication of +my engagement and marriage a little mocking devil, a cool, cynical, +little devil, is constantly whispering in my ear: "You fool, you fool, +to imagine you can escape unhappiness! There is no such thing as a +happy marriage!" + +Dicky has just 'phoned up from the smoking room to ask me if my hour +isn't up. How his voice clears away all the miasma of my miserable +thoughts! Please God, Dicky, I am going to lock up all my old ideas in +the most unused closet of my brain, and try my best to be a good wife +to you! I will be happy! I will! I WILL! + + + + +II + +THE FIRST QUARREL + + +"I'll give you three guesses, Madge." Dicky stood just inside the door +of the living room, holding an immense parcel carefully wrapped. His +hat was on the back of his head, his eyes shining, his whole face +aglow with boyish mischief. + +"It's for you, my first housekeeping present, that is needed in every +well regulated family," he burlesqued boastfully, "but you are not to +see it until we have something to eat, and you have guessed what it +is." + +"I know it is something lovely, dear," I replied sedately, "but come +to your dinner. It is getting cold." + +Dicky looked a trifle hurt as he followed me to the dining room. I +knew what he expected--enthusiastic curiosity and a demand for the +immediate opening of the parcel, I can imagine the pretty enthusiasm, +the caresses with which almost any other woman would have greeted a +bridegroom of two weeks with his first present. + +But it's simply impossible for me to gush. I cannot express emotion of +any kind with the facility of most women. I worshipped my mother, but +I rarely kissed her or expressed my love for her in words. My love for +Dicky terrifies me sometimes, it is so strong, but I cannot go up +to him and offer him an unsolicited kiss or caress. Respond to his +caresses, yes! but offer them of my own volition, never! There is +something inside me that makes it an absolute impossibility. + +"What's the menu, Madge? The beef again?" + +Dicky's tone was mildly quizzical, his smile mischievous, but I +flushed hotly. He had touched a sore spot. The butcher had brought +me a huge slab of meat for my first dinner when I had timidly ordered +"rib roast," and with the aid of my mother's cook book and my own +smattering of cooking, my sole housewifely accomplishment, I had been +trying to disguise it for subsequent meals. + +"This is positively its last appearance on any stage," I assured him, +trying to be gay. "Besides, it's a casserole, with rice, and I defy +you to detect whether the chief ingredient be fish, flesh or fowl." + +"Casserole is usually my pet aversion," Dicky said solemnly. Look not +on the casserole when it is table d'hote, is one of the pet little +proverbs in my immediate set. Too much like Spanish steak and the +other good chances for ptomaines. But if you made it I'll tackle +it--if you have to call the ambulance in the next half-hour." + +"Dicky, you surely do not think I would use meat that was doubtful, +do you?" I asked, horror-stricken. "Don't eat it. Wait and I'll fix up +some eggs for you." + +Dicky rose stiffly, walked slowly around to my side of the table, and +gravely tapped my head in imitation of a phrenologist. + +"Absolute depression where the bump called 'sense of humor' ought to +be. Too bad! Pretty creature, too. Cause her lots of trouble, in the +days to come," he chanted solemnly. + +Then he bent and kissed me. "Don't be a goose, Madge," he admonished, +"and never, never take me seriously. I don't know the meaning of the +word. Come on, let's eat the thing-um bob. I'll bet it's delicious." + +He uncovered the casserole and regarded the steaming contents +critically. "Smells scrumptious," he announced. "What's in the other? +Potatoes au gratin?" as he took off the cover of the other serving +dish. "Good! One of my favorites." + +He piled a liberal portion on any plate and helped himself as +generously. He ate heartily of both dishes, ignoring or not noticing +that I scarcely touched either dish. + +For I was fast lapsing into one of the moods which my little mother +used to call my "morbid streaks" and which she had vainly tried to +cure ever since I was a tiny girl. + +Dicky didn't like my cooking! He was only pretending! Dicky was +disappointed in the way I received the announcement of his present! +Probably he soon would find me wanting in other things. + +As I took our plates to the kitchen and brought on a lettuce and +tomato salad with a mayonnaise dressing over which I had toiled for an +hour, I was trying hard to choke back the tears. + +When I brought on the baked apples which I had prepared with especial +care for dessert, Dick gave them one glance which to my oversensitive +mind looked disparaging. Then he pushed back his chair. + +"Don't believe I want any dessert today. The rest of the dinner was so +good I ate too much of it. Eat yours and I'll undo your surprise." + +"Whatever in the world?" I began as Dicky lifted the lid and revealed +a big Angora cat. Then my voice changed. "Why, Dicky, you don't +mean--" But Dicky was absorbed in lifting the cat out. + +"Isn't she a beauty?" he said admiringly. But I was almost into the +dining room. + +"I suppose she is," I replied faintly, "but surely you do not intend +her for me?" + +"Why not?" Dicky's tone was sharper than I had ever heard it. He set +the cat down on the floor and she walked over to me. I pushed her away +gently with my foot as I replied: + +"Because I dislike cats--intensely. Besides, you know cats are so +unsanitary, always carrying disease--" + +"Oh, get out of it, Madge," Dicky interrupted. "Forget that scientific +foolishness you absorbed when you were school ma'aming. Besides, this +cat is a thoroughbred, never been outside the home where she was born +till now. Do you happen to know what this gift you are tossing aside +so nonchalantly would have cost if it hadn't been given me by a dear +friend? A cool two hundred, that's all. It seems to me you might try +to get over your prejudices, especially when I tell you that I am very +fond of cats and like to see them around." + +Dicky's voice held a note of appeal, but I chose to ignore it. My +particular little devil must have sat at my elbow. + +"I am sorry," I said coldly, "but really, I do not see why it is any +more incumbent on me to try to overcome my very real aversion to cats +than it is for you to try to do without their society." + +"Very well," Dicky exclaimed angrily, turning toward the door. "If you +feel that way about it, there is nothing more to be said." + +Then Dicky slammed the living room door behind him to emphasize his +words, went down the hall, slammed the apartment door and ran down the +steps. + +Back in the living room, huddled up in the big chair which is the +chief pride of the woman who rents us the furnished apartment, I sat, +as angry as Dicky, and heartsick besides. Our first quarrel had come! + +But the cat remained. What was I to do with her? There is no cure for +a quarrel like loneliness and reflection. Dicky had not been gone a +half-hour after our disagreement over the cat before I was wondering +how we both could have been so silly. + +I thought it out carefully. I could see that Dicky was accustomed to +having his own way unquestioned. He had told me once that his mother +and sister had spoiled him, and I reflected that he evidently expected +me to go on in the same way. + +On the other hand, I had been absolutely my own mistress for years, +the little mother in a way being more my child than I hers. Accustomed +to decide for myself every question of my life I had no desire, +neither had I intention of doing, any clinging vine act with Dicky +posing at the strong oak. + +But I also had the common sense to see that there would be real issues +in our lives without wasting our ammunition over a cat. Then, too, the +remembrance of Dicky's happy face when he thought he was surprising me +tugged at my heart. + +"If he wants a cat, a cat he shall have," I said to myself, and +calling my unwelcome guest to me with a resolute determination to do +my duty by the beast, no matter how distasteful the task, I was just +putting a saucer of milk in front of her when the door opened and +Dicky came in like a whirlwind. + +"How do you wear sackcloth and ashes?" he cried, catching me in his +arms as he made the query. "If you've got any in the house bring 'em +along and I'll put them on. Seriously, girl, I'm awfully sorry I let +my temper out of its little cage. No nice thing getting angry at +your bride, because she doesn't like cats. I'll take the beast back +tomorrow." + +"Indeed, you'll do no such thing," I protested. "You're not the only +one who is sorry, I made up my mind before you came back not only to +keep this cat, but to learn to like her." + +Dicky kissed me. "You're a brick, sweetheart," he said heartily, "and +I've got a reward for you, a peace offering. Get on your frills, for +we're going to a first night. Sanders was called out of town, had the +tickets on his hands, and turned them over to me. Hurry up while I get +into my moonlights." + +"Your what?" I was mystified. + +"Evening clothes, goose." Dicky threw the words over his shoulder as +he took down the telephone receiver. "Can you dress in half an hour? +We have only that." + +"I'll be ready." + +As I closed the door of my room I heard Dicky ask for the number of +the taxicab company where he kept an account. Impulsively, I started +toward him to remonstrate against the extravagance, but stopped as I +heard the patter of rain against the windows. + +"I'll leave this evening entirely in Dicky's hands," I resolved as I +began to dress. + + + + +III + +KNOWN TO FAME AS LILLIAN GALE + + +Our taxi drew into the long line of motor cars before the theatre and +slowly crept up to the door. Dicky jumped out, raised his umbrella and +guided me into the lobby. It was filled with men and women, some in +elaborate evening dress, others in street garb. Some were going in +to their seats, others were gossiping with each other, still others +appeared to be waiting for friends. + +The most conspicuous of all the women leaned against the wall and +gazed at others through a lorgnette which she handled as if she had +not long before been accustomed to its use. Her gown, a glaringly +cut one, was of scarlet chiffon over silk, and her brocaded cape was +half-slipping from her shoulder. Her hair was frankly dyed, and she +rouged outrageously. + +I gazed at her fascinated. She typified to me everything that was +disagreeable. I have always disliked even being in the neighborhood +of her vulgar kind. What was my horror, then, to see her deliberately +smiling at me, then coming toward us with hand outstretched. + +I realized the truth even before she spoke. It was not I at whom she +was smiling, but Dicky. She was Dicky's friend! + +"Why, bless my soul, if it isn't the Dicky-bird," she cried so loudly +that everybody turned to look at us. She took my hand. "I suppose you +are the bride Dicky's been hiding away so jealously." She looked me up +and down as if I were on exhibition and turning to Dicky said. "Pretty +good taste, Dicky, but I don't imagine that your old friends will see +much of you from now on." + +"That's where you're wrong, Lil," returned Dicky easily. "We're going +to have you all up some night soon." + +"See that you do," she returned, tweaking his ear as we passed on to +our seats. + +I had not spoken during the conversation. I had shaken the hand of the +woman and smiled at her. + +But over and over again in my brain this question was revolving: + +"Who is this unpleasant woman who calls my husband 'Dicky-bird,' and +who is called 'Lil' by him?" + +But I love the very air of the theatre, so as Dicky and I sank into +the old-fashioned brocaded seats I resolutely put away from my mind +all disturbing thoughts of the woman in the lobby who appeared on such +good terms with my husband, and prepared to enjoy every moment of the +evening. + +"Well done, Madge," Dicky whispered mischievously, as, after we had +been seated, I let my cloak drop from my shoulders without arising. +"You wriggled that off in the most approved manner." + +"I ought to," I whispered back. "I've watched other women with envious +attention during all the lean years, when I wore tailor-mades to mill +and to meeting." + +Dicky squeezed my hand under cover of the cloak. "No more lean years +for my girl if I can help it." he murmured earnestly. + +Dicky appeared to know a number of people in the audience. A +half-dozen men and two or three women bowed to him. He told me about +each one. Two were dramatic critics, others artist and actor friends. +Each one's name was familiar to me through the newspapers. + +"You'll know them all later, Madge," he said, and I felt a glow of +pleasure in the anticipation of meeting such interesting people. + +Dicky opened his program, and I idly watched the people between me and +the stage. A few seats in front of us to the left I caught sight of +the woman who had claimed Dicky's acquaintance in the lobby. She +was signaling greetings to a number of acquaintances in a flamboyant +fashion. She would bow elaborately, then lift her hands together as if +shaking hands with the person she greeted. + +"Who is she, Dicky?" I tried to make my voice careless. "I did not +catch her name when you introduced us." + +"You'll probably see enough of her so you won't forget it," returned +Dicky, grinning. "She's one of the busiest little members of the +'Welcome to Our City Committee' in the set I train most with. She +won't rest till you've met all the boys and girls and been properly +lionized. She's one of the best little scouts going, and, if she'd cut +out the war paint and modulate that Comanche yell she calls her voice +there would be few women to equal her for brains or looks." + +"But you haven't told me yet what her name is," I persisted. + +"Well, in private life she's Mrs. Harry Underwood--that's Harry with +her--but she's better known all over the country as the cleverest +producer of illustrated jingles for advertising we have. Remember that +Simple Simon parody for the mincemeat advertisement we laughed over +some time ago, and I told you I knew the woman who did it? There she +is before you," and Dicky waved his hand grandiloquently. + +"Lillian Gale!" I almost gasped the name. + +"The same," rejoined Dicky, and turned again to his program, while I +sat in amazed horror, with all my oldtime theories crumbling around +me. + +For I had read of Lillian Gale and her married troubles. I knew that +Harry Underwood was her second husband and that she had been divorced +from her first spouse after a scandal which has been aired quite fully +in the newspapers. She had not been proved guilty, but her skirts +certainly had been smirched by rumor. According to the ideas which had +been mine, Dicky should have shrunk from having me ever meet such a +woman, let alone planning to have me on terms of intimacy with her. + +What should I do? + +When the curtain went down on the first act I turned to Dicky happily, +eager to hear his comments and filled with a throng of thoughts to +wipe away any remembrance from his mind of the unhappiness that had +promised to mar my evening, and which I feared he had read in my +eyes. But just as I opened my lips to speak, he interrupted me with a +startled exclamation: + +"Sit down, Lil. Hello, Harry." + +Dicky was on his feet in an instant and Lillian Gale was seated next +to me with Dicky and her husband leaning over us before I had fully +realized that the woman, the thought of whom had so disturbed my +evening, was so close to me. + +"I want you to know Mrs. Graham, Harry," Dicky said. + +I glowed inwardly at the note of pride in his voice and looked up to +meet a pair of brilliant black eyes looking at me with an appraising +approval that grated. He was a tall, good looking chap, with an air of +ennui that sat oddly on his powerful frame. I felt sure that I would +like Lillian Gale's husband as little as I did the woman herself. + +I was glad when the lights dimmed slowly, that the second act +was about to begin. Mrs. Underwood rose with a noisy rustling of +draperies. She evidently was one of those women who can do nothing +quietly, and turning to me said, cordially: + +"Be sure to wait for us in the lobby when this is over. We have a +plan," and before I had time to reply she had rustled away to her own +seat, her tall husband following at some little distance behind her, +but apparently oblivious of her presence as if she were a stranger. + +I didn't much enjoy the second act, even though I realized that it was +one of the best comedy scenes I had ever seen, both in its lines and +its acting; but I had a problem to settle, and I longed for the quiet +hour in my own room which my mother had trained me to take every day +since childhood. + +Of course, I realized that Lillian Gale meant to have us join them for +a supper party after the theatre. The invitation would be given to +us in the lobby after the last act. Upon the way that I received that +invitation must depend my future conduct toward this woman. I could +not make one of the proposed party and afterward decline to know her. +My instincts all cried out to me to avoid Lillian Gale. She outraged +all my canons of good taste, although even through my prejudices I had +to admit there was something oddly attractive about her in spite of +her atrocious make-up. + +But, on the other hand, she and her husband appeared to be on most +intimate terms with Dicky. Would I seriously offend him if I refused +to treat his friends with friendliness equal to that which they seemed +ready to shower upon me? + +"Would you like to walk a bit, Madge?" Dicky's voice started me into a +recollection of my surroundings. I had been so absorbed in the problem +of whether I should or should not accept Lillian Gale as an intimate +friend that I did not know that the curtain had fallen on the second +act, nor did I know how the act had ended. My problem was still +unsolved. I welcomed the diversion of a turn in the fresher aid of the +lobby. + +As we passed up the aisle I felt a sudden tug, then an ominous +ripping. The floating chiffon overdrapery of my gown had caught in +a seat. As Dicky bent to release me his face showed consternation. +Almost a length of the dainty fabric trailed on the floor. + +I have schooled my self-repression for many a weary year. I feared my +gown, in which I had taken such pride, was ruined, but I would not let +any one know I cared about it. I gathered it up and smiled at Dicky. + +"It really doesn't matter," I said. "If you'll leave me at the woman's +dressing room I think I can fix it up all right." + +Dicky drew a relieved breath. His heartily murmured, "You're a +thoroughbred for sure, Madge," rewarded me for my composure. I was +just woman enough also to be comforted by the whispered comments of +two women who sat just behind the seat which caused the mischief. + +"Isn't that a shame--that exquisite gown?" and the rejoinder. "But +isn't she game? I couldn't smile like that--I'd be crying my eyes out" + +Dicky left me at the door of the dressing room, pressing a coin slyly +into my hand. "You'll tip the maid," he explained, and I blessed him +for his thoughtfulness. I had been too absorbed in my gown to think of +anything else. + +An obsequious maid provided me with needle, thimble and thread. She +offered to mend the tear for me, but I had a horror of being made +conspicuous by her ministrations. + +"If you'll let me have a chair in a corner I shall do very nicely," +I told her, and was at once snugly ensconced near one of her mirrors +behind the very comfortable rampart of an enormously fat woman in an +exaggerated evening gown, who was devoting much pains and cosmetics +to her complexion. She looked as if she intended to remain at the +particular mirror all the intermission. I hoped she would stay there, +in spite the dagger's looks she was receiving from other complexion +repairers who coveted her place, for she was an effectual shield from +curious eyes. + +To my joy I found that the gown was not ruined, and that it could be +repaired without much expense or trouble. Even the temporary mending I +was doing disguised the break. I was so interested in the mending that +I was completely lost to my surroundings, but the sound of a familiar +name brought me to with a jerk. + +"Did you see the Dicky-bird and his marble bride?" A high-pitched yet +rather sweet voice asked the question, and a deep contralto answered +it. + +"Yes, indeed, and I saw the way Lillian Gale was rushing them. For +my part I don't think that's quite clubby of Lil. Of course she's got +into the way of thinking she has a first mortgage on the Dicky-bird, +but she might give that beautiful bride a chance for her life before +she forecloses." + +"What's the secret of Lil's attraction for Dicky Graham, anyway?" the +soprano voice queried. "She's a good seven years older than he is, and +both her past and her youth are rather frayed at the edges, you know." + +"Oh! love's young dream, and the habit of long association," returned +the contralto. I've heard that Lil was Dicky's first love. She was a +stunner for looks 19 years ago, and Dicky was just young enough to be +swept off his feet." + +"That must have been before Lil married that unspeakable Morten, the +fellow she divorced, wasn't it?" interrupted the soprano. + +"Yes, it was," the contralto answered. "I don't know whether Dicky has +been half in love with Lil all these years or not, but he certainly +has been her best friend. And now comes the news of his marriage to +somebody the crowd never heard of." + +"Well, I think Lil may say good-by to her Dicky-bird now," returned +the first speaker. "That bride is quite the prettiest piece of flesh +and blood I've seen for many days." + +"She is all of that," agreed the other, "She holds all the best cards, +but you'll find she is too statuesque and dignified to play them. +I saw her face tonight when Lil was talking to her. She is not +accustomed to Lil's kind, and she does not like her friendship with +Dicky." + +"You can't blame her for that," interrupted the soprano. "I am sure I +would not like to see my husband dancing attendance on Lillian Gale." + +"No, of course not," the contralto replied; "but she will be just +fool enough to show Dicky her feelings, and Dicky, who is the soul of +loyalty to his friends, will resent her attitude and try to make it up +to Lil and Harry by being extra nice to them. It's too bad. But then, +these marble statue sort of women always sacrifice their love for +their pride or their fool notions or propriety." + +"It will be as good as a play to watch the developments," the soprano +commented. "Come on, we'll be too late for the curtain." + +I felt suddenly faint, and the room appeared to whirl around me. The +maid touched me on the arm. + +"Are you ill, madame? Here!" and she held a glass of water to my lips. +I drank it and motioned her away. + +"I'll be all right in a moment," I murmured. "Thank you, but I am +quite well." + +So this was what marriage would mean to me, a contest with another +woman for my husband's love! A fierce anger took possession of me. +One moment I regretted my marriage to Dicky, the next I was fiercely +primitive as any savage woman in my desire to crush my rival. I could +have strangled Lillian Gale in that moment. Then common sense came +back to me. What was it that woman had said? I had all the best cards +in my hand? Well! I would play them. I felt sure that Dicky loved +me. I would not jeopardize that love for a temporary pride. I would +eliminate Lillian Gale from Dicky's life, but I would bide my time to +do it. + + + + +IV + +DIVIDED OPINIONS + + +If anybody wishes an infallible recipe for taking the romance out +of life, I can recommend washing a pile of dishes which have been left +over from the day before, especially if there be among them a number +of greasy pots and pans. Restoring order to a badly cluttered room is +another glamour destroyer, but the first prize, I stoutly affirm, goes +to the dishes. + +An especially aggravating collection of romance shatterers awaited +me the morning after our visit to the theatre, and my first encounter +with Lillian Gale. + +Dicky took a hurried breakfast and rushed off to the studio, while I +spent a dreary forenoon washing the dishes and putting the apartment +to rights. I dreaded the discussion with Dicky at luncheon. I +had insisted before my marriage that I must either do most of the +housework, or keep up some of my old work to add to our income. To +have a maid, while I did nothing to justify my existence save keep +myself pretty and entertain Dicky, savored too much to me of the harem +favorite. + +A mother of small children, a woman with a large house, one who had +old people to care for, or whose health was not good, was justified in +having help. But for me, well, strong, with a tiny apartment, and just +Dicky, to employ a maid without myself earning at least enough to pay +for the extra expense of having her--it was simply impossible. I had +been independent too long. The situation was galling. + +The postman's ring interrupted my thoughts. I went to the door, +receiving a number of advertisements, a letter or two for Dicky, and +one, addressed in an unfamiliar handwriting, to myself. I opened it +and read it wonderingly. + + + "My dear Mrs. Graham: + + "Our club is planning a course in history for the coming year. We need + an experienced conductor for the class, which will meet once a week. + Your name has been suggested to us as that of one who might be willing + to take up the work. The compensation will not be as large as that given + by the larger clubs for lectures, as we are a small organization, but I + do not think you will have to devote much of your time to the work + outside of the weekly meeting. + + "Will you kindly let me know when I can meet you and talk this over with + you, if you decide to consider it? + + "Yours very truly, + + "HELEN BRAINERD SMITH, + + "Secretary Lotus Study Club, + + "215 West Washington Avenue." + +Had the solution to my problem come? Armed with this I could talk to +Dicky at luncheon without any fears. + +The receipt of the letter put me in a royal good humor. I did not care +how little the compensation was, although I knew it would be far more +than enough to pay the extra expense of having a maid, an expense +which I was determined to defray. + +Teaching or lecturing upon historical subjects was child's play to +me. I had specialized in it, and had been counted one of the most +successful instructors in that branch in the city. Woman's club work +was new to me, but the husband of one of my friends had once conducted +such a course, and I knew I could get all the information I needed +from him. + +I thought of Dicky's possible objections, but brushed the thought +aside. He had objected to my going on with my regular school work and +I realized that the hours which I would have been compelled to give to +that work would have conflicted seriously with our home life. But here +was something that would take me away from home so little. + + * * * * * + +"About that servant question," I began, after Dicky was comfortably +settled and smiling over his cigar. "I will employ one, a first-class, +really competent housekeeper, if you will make no objection to this." + +I opened the letter and handed it to him. He read it through, his face +growing angrier at every line. When he had finished he threw it on the +floor. + +"Well, I guess not," he exclaimed. "I know that club game; it's the +limit. There's nothing in it. They'll pay only a beggarly sum, and +you'll be tied to that same afternoon once a week for a year. Suppose +we had something we wanted to do on that day? We would have to let it +go hang." + +"I suppose if we had something we wanted to do on a day when you had +a commission to execute you would leave your work and go," I answered +quietly. + +"That's entirely different," returned Dicky. "I'm responsible for the +support of this family. You are not. All you have to do is to enjoy +yourself and make home comfortable for me." + +We were interrupted by the door bell. Dicky went to the door while I +hastily dropped the portiers between the living room and the dining +room. I heard Dicky's deep voice in greeting. + +"This is good of you, Lil," and Lillian Gale came into the room with +outstretched hand. + +"Perhaps I shouldn't have come so soon," she said, "but you see I am +bound to know you, even if Dicky does spirit you away when we want you +to join us." + +She threw him a laughing glance as she clasped my hand. + +"I am so glad you have come," I said cordially, but inwardly I +fiercely resented her intrusion, as I deemed it. + +But what was my horror to hear Dicky say casually: + +"You've come at a most opportune time, Lil. Madge has had an offer +from some woman's club to do a lecturing stunt on history, her +specialty, you know, and she wants to take it. I wish you'd help me +persuade her out of it." + +"I cannot imagine why we should trouble Mrs. Underwood with so +personal a matter," I heard myself saying faintly. + +Mrs. Underwood laughed boisterously. "Why, I'm one of the family, my +dear child," she said heartily. Then she looked at me keenly. + +"I might have known that one man would have no chance with two women," +Dicky growled. His tone held capitulation. I knew I had won my battle. +But was it my victory or this woman's I so detested? + +"Don't let this man bully you," she advised half-laughingly. "He's +perfectly capable of it. I know him. By all means accept the offer if +you think it's worth while. All these husbands are a bit archaic yet, +you know. They don't realize that women have joined the human race." + +"Come, Dicky-bird," she rattled on as she saw his darkening face. +"Don't be silly. You'll have to give in. You're just 50 years behind +the times, you know." + +During the remainder of Mrs. Underwood's brief call she ignored Dicky, +and devoted herself to me. There is no denying the fact that she has +great charm when she chooses to exercise it. Dicky, however, appeared +entirely oblivious of it, sitting in moody silence until she rose to +go. + +"You ought to preserve that grouch," she carelessly advised, as he +stood holding the door open for her. "Carefully corked in a glass +jar, it ought to keep to be given to your grandchildren as a horrible +example." + +Dicky grinned reluctantly and bowed low as she passed out of the room +with a cordial adieu to me, but no sooner had the door closed behind +her than he turned to me angrily. + +"Look here, Madge," he exclaimed, "are you really in earnest about +taking that blasted position?" + +"Why! of course I am," I answered. "It seems providential, coming +just as you insist upon having the maid. I can engage one with a clear +conscience now." + +Dicky sprang to his feet with a muttered word that sounded +suspiciously like an oath, and began to walk rapidly up and down the +room, his hands behind his back, and his face dark with anger. Up +and down, up and down he paced, while I, sitting quietly in my chair, +waited, nerving myself for the scene I anticipated. + +When it came, however, it surprised me with the turn it took. Dicky +stopped suddenly in his pacing, and coming swiftly over to me, dropped +on one knee beside my chair and put his arms around me. + +"Sweetheart," he said softly, "I don't want to quarrel about this, nor +do I wish to be unreasonable about it. But, really, it means an awful lot +to me. I don't want you to do it. Won't you give it up for me?" + +I returned Dicky's kiss, and held him tightly as I answered: + +"Dear boy, I'll think it over very carefully. If I possibly can, I +will do as you wish. But, remember, I say if I can. I haven't made you +a definite promise yet." + +"But you will, I know; that's my own dear girl. Good-by. I'll have to +rush back to the studio now." + +Dicky's tone was light and confident as he rose. Life always has been +easy for Dicky. I heard him say once he never could remember the time +when he didn't get his own way. + + + + +V + +"ALWAYS YOUR JACK" + + +As soon as Dicky had left the house I cleared away the dishes and +washed them and prepared a dessert for dinner. Then, finding the want +advertisements of the Sunday papers, I looked carefully through the +columns headed "Situations Wanted, Female." + +I clipped the advertisements and fastened each neatly to a sheet of +notepaper. Then I wrote beneath each one: "Please call Thursday or +Friday. Ask for Mrs. Richard Graham, Apartment 4, 46 East Twenty-ninth +street." + +I addressed the envelopes properly, inserted the answers in the +envelopes, sealed and stamped them, then ran out to the post box on +the corner with them. I walked back very slowly, for there was +nothing more that needed to be done, and I could put off no longer the +settling of my problem. + +I locked the door of my room, pulled down the shade and, exchanging my +house dress for a comfortable negligee, lay down upon my bed to think +things out. + +I tried to put myself in Dicky's place, and to understand his reasons +for objecting to my earning any money of my own. I sat upright in bed +as a thought flashed across my brain. Was that the reason? Were his +objections to this plan of mine what he pretended they were? Did he +really fear that I might have unpleasant publicity thrust upon me, and +that some of our pleasure plans might be spoiled by the weekly lecture +engagement? Or was he the type of man who could not bear his wife to +have money or plans or even thoughts which did not originate with him? + +I resolved to find out just what motive was behind his objections. If +he were willing that I should try to earn money in some other way +I would gladly refuse this offer. But if he were opposed to my ever +having any income of my own the issue might as well come now as later. + +A loud ringing at the doorbell awakened me. + +For a moment I could not understand how I came to be in bed. Then +I remembered and throwing off my negligee and putting on a little +afternoon gown, I twisted up my hair into a careless knot and hurried +to the door. The ring had been the postman's. The afternoon newspapers +lay upon the floor. With them was a letter with my former name upon +it in a handwriting that I knew. It had been forwarded from my old +boarding house. The superscription looked queer to me, as if it were +the name of some one I had known long ago. + +"Miss Margaret Spencer," and then, in the crabbed handwriting of my +dear old landlady, "care of Mrs. Richard Graham." + +I opened the letter slowly. It bore a New Orleans heading, and a date +three days before. + + "Dear little girl: + + "A year is a long time between letters, isn't it? But you know I told + you when I left that the chances were Slim for getting a letter back + from the wild territory where I was going, and I found when I reached + there that 'slim' was hardly the word. I wrote you twice, but have + no hope that the letters ever reached you. But now I am back in God's + country, or shall be when I get North, and of course, my first line + is to you. I am writing this to the old place, knowing it will be + forwarded if you have left there. + + "I shall be in New York two weeks from today, the 24th. Of course I + shall go to my old diggings. Telephone me there, so that I can see you + as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a real dinner, at a real + restaurant, with the realest girl in the world opposite me the first + day I strike New York, so get ready for me. I do hope you have been + well and as cheerful as possible. I know what a struggle this year + must have been for you. + + "Till I see you, dear, always your + + "JACK." + +I finished the reading of the letter with mingled feelings of joy and +dismay. Joy was the stronger, however. Dear old Jack was safe at home. +But there were adjustments which I must make. I had my marriage to +explain to Jack, and Jack to explain to Dicky. Nothing but this letter +could have so revealed to me the strength of the infatuation for Dicky +which had swept me off my feet and resulted in my marriage after only +a six months' acquaintance. Reading it I realized that the memory of +Jack had been so pushed into the background during the past six months +that I never had thought to tell Dicky about him. + +"You've made a great conquest," said Dicky that evening when we were +finishing dinner, "Lil thinks you're about the nicest little piece of +calico she has ever measured--those were her own words. She's planning +a frolic for the crowd some night at your convenience." + +"That is awfully kind of her. Where did you see her." I prided myself +on my careless tone, but Dicky gave me a shrewd glance. + +"Why, at the studio, of course. Her studio is on the same floor as +mine, you know. Atwood and Barker and she and I are all on one floor, +and we often have a dish of tea together when we are not rushed." + +I busied myself with the coffee machine until I could control my +voice. How I hated these glimpses of the intimate friendship which +must exist between my husband and this woman! + +"I suppose we ought to have them all over some night," I said at last, +"but I'll have to add a few things to our equipment, and wait until I +get a maid." + +"That will be fine," Dicky assented cordially, pushing back his chair. +"Did the papers come? I'll look them over for a little. Whistle when +you're ready and I'll wipe the dishes for you." + +He strolled into the living room, and I suddenly remembered that I +had laid my letter from Jack on the table, with its pages scattered so +that any one picking them up could not help seeing them. + +I had forgotten all about the letter. I had meant to show it to Dicky +after I had explained about Jack. It was not quite the letter for a +bridegroom to find without expectation. I realized that. + +I could not get the letter without attracting his attention. I waited, +every nerve tense, listening to the sounds in the next room. I heard +the rustling of the newspaper; then a sudden silence told me his +attention had been arrested by something. Would he read the letter? I +did not think so. I knew his sense of honor was too keen for that, but +I remembered that the last page with its signature was at the top of +the sheets as I laid them down. That was enough to make any loving +husband reflect a bit. + +How would Dicky take it? I wondered. I was soon to know. I Heard +him crush the paper in his hand, then come quickly to the kitchen. I +pretended to be busy with the dishes, but he strode over to me, and +clutching me by the shoulder with a grip that hurt, thrust the letter +before my face, and said hoarsely: + +"What does this mean?" + +The last words of Jack's letter danced before my eyes, Dicky's hand +was shaking so. + +"Till I see you, dear. Always Jack." + +Dicky's face was not a pleasant sight. It repulsed and disgusted me. +Subconsciously I was contrasting the way in which he calmly expected +me to accept his friendship for Lillian Gale, and his behavior over +this letter. Five minutes earlier I would have explained to him fully. +I resolved now to put my friendship for Jack upon the same basis as +his for Mrs. Underwood. + +So I looked at him coolly. "Have you read the letter?" I asked +quietly. + +"You know I have not read the letter." he snarled. "It lay on the +papers. I could not help but see this--this--whatever it is," he +finished lamely, "and I have come straight to you for an explanation." + +"Better read the letter," I advised quietly. "I give you full +permission." + +I could have laughed at Dicky, if I had been less angry. He was so +like an angry, curious child in his eagerness to know everything about +Jack. + +"You have no brother. Is this man a relative?" + +"No," I returned demurely. + +"An old lover then, I suppose a confident one, I should judge by the +tone of the letter. Won't it be too cruel a blow to him when he finds +his dear little girl is married?" + +Dicky's tone fairly dripped with irony. "He will be surprised +certainly," I answered, "but as he never was my lover, I don't think +it will be any blow to him." + +"Who is he, anyway? Why have you never told me about him? What does he +look like?" + +Dicky fairly shot the questions at me. I turned and went into my room. +There I rummaged in a box of old photographs until I found two fairly +good likenesses of Jack. I carried them to the kitchen and put them in +Dicky's hands. He glared at them, then threw them on the table. + +"Humph! Looks like a gorilla with the mumps," he growled. "Who is this +precious party, then, if he is not a lover or a relative?" + +"He is an old and dear friend. His friendship means as much to me +as--well--say Lillian Gale's means to you." + +Dicky stared at me a long, long look as if he had just discovered me. +Then he turned on his heel. + +"Well, I'll be--" I did not find out what he would be, for he went out +and slammed the door. + +I sat down to a humiliating half-hour's thought. It isn't a bad idea +at times to "loaf and invite your soul," and then cast up account with +it. My account looked pretty discouraging. + +Dicky and I had been married a little over two weeks. Two weeks +of idiotically happy honeymooning, and then the last three days of +quarrels, reconciliations, jealousies, petty bickerings and the shadow +of real issues between us. + +Was this marriage--heights of happiness, depths of despair, with the +humdrum of petty differences between? + + + + +VI + +A MAID AND MODEL + + +The chiming of the clock an hour after Dicky had gone to the studio +after our little noon dinner next day warned me that I was not dressed +and that the cooks whose advertisements I had answered might call at +any minute. I dressed and arranged my hair. Just as I put in the last +hairpin the bell rang. + +Two women, covertly eyeing each other with suspicion, stood in the +hallway when I opened the door. To my invitation to come in each +responded "Thank you," and the entrance of both was quiet. When they +sat down in the chairs I drew forward for them I mentally appraised +them for a moment. + +One was a middle-aged woman of the strongly marked German type. Clean, +trig, grim, she spelled efficiency in every line of her body. The +other, a tall Polish girl, of perhaps 22, was also extremely neat, but +her pretty brown hair was blown around her face and her blue eyes were +fairly dancing with eagerness, in contrast to the stolid expression of +the other woman. As I faced them, the older woman compressed her lips +in a thin line, while the girl smiled at me in friendly fashion. + +"You came in answer to the advertisements?" I queried. + +The older woman silently held forth my letter and two or three other +papers pinned together. I saw that they were references written in +varying feminine chirography. Her silence was almost uncanny. + +"Oh, yes, Misses," the Polish girl exclaimed. "I put my--what do you +call it? My--" + +"Advertisement," I suggested, smiling. Her good-nature was infectious. + +"Oh, yes, ad-ver-tise-ment, in the paper, Sunday. Today your letter +came, the first letter. I guess hard times now. Nobody wants maids. +I come right queeck. I can do good work, very good. I have good +references. You got maid yet?" + +"Not yet," I answered, and turned to the other woman. + +According to all my theories and my training I should have chosen the +older woman. Efficiency always has been an idol of mine. It was my +slogan in my profession. It is my humiliation that I seem to have +none of it in my housework. The German woman evidently was capable of +administering my household much better than I could do it. Perhaps it +was because of this very reason that I found myself repelled by her, +and subtly drawn by the younger woman's smiling enthusiasm. + +"Have you much company, and does your husband bring home friends +without notice?" The older woman's harsh tones broke in. + +The questions turned the scale. From the standpoint of strict +justice, the standard from which I always had tried to reason, she was +perfectly justified in asking the questions before she took the place. +But intuition told me that our home life would be a dreary thing with +this martinet in the kitchen. + +"That will not trouble you," I said, "for I do not believe I wish your +services. Here is your car fare, and thank you for coming." + +The woman took the car fare with the same stolidity she had shown +through the whole interview. "I do not think I would like you for a +madam, either," she said quietly as she went out. + +The Polish girl bounced from her seat as soon as the door was closed. + +"She no good to talk to you like that," she exclaimed. "She old crank, +anyway. You not like her. See me--I young, strong; I cook, wash, iron, +clean. I do everything. You do notting. I cook good, too; not so much +fancy, but awful good. My last madam, I with her one year. She sick, +go South yesterday. She cry, say 'I so sorry, Katie; you been so good +to me.' I cry, too. Read what she say about me." + +I could read between the lines of the rather odd letter of +recommendation the girl handed me. I had dealt with many girls of +Katie's type in my teaching days. I knew the childish temper, the +irritating curiosity, the petty jealousy, the familiarity which one +not understanding would deem impertinence, with which I would have +to contend if I engaged her. But the other applicant for my work, the +grim vision who had just left, decided me. I would try this eager girl +if her terms were reasonable--and they were. + +As I preceded her into the kitchen I had a sudden qualm. I knew +Dicky's fastidious taste, and that underneath all his good-natured +unconventionality he had rigid ideas of his own upon some topics. I +happened to remember that nothing made him so nervous and irritable +as bad service in a restaurant. His idea of a good waiter was a +well-trained automaton with no eyes or ears. How would he like this +enthusiastic, irrepressible girl? It was too late now, however. I was +committed to a week of her service. + +I had a luxurious afternoon. Katie in the kitchen sang softly over her +work some minor-cadenced Polish folk-song, and I nestled deep in +an armchair by the sunniest window, dipped deep into the pages of +magazines and newspapers which I had not read. I realized with a +start that I was out of touch with the doings of the outside world, +something which had not happened to me before for years, save in the +few awful days of my mother's last illness. I really must catch up +again. + +I was so deep in a vivid description of the desolation in Belgium that +I did not hear Dicky enter. I started as he kissed me. + +"Headache better, sweetheart?" he added, lover-like remembering +and making much of the slight headache I had had when he left that +morning. "It must be, or you wouldn't be able to read that horror." He +closed the magazine playfully and drew me to my feet. + +"I am perfectly well," I replied, "and I have good news for you. We +have a maid, a trifle rough in her manner, but one who I think will be +very good." + +"That's fine," Dicky said heartily. "I'd much rather come home to find +you comfortably reading than scorching your face and reddening your +hands in a kitchen." + +"Say, Missis Graham!" + +Katie came swiftly into the room, and I heard an exclamation of +surprise from Dicky. + +"Why, Katie, wherever did you come from?" + +But Katie, with a scream of fear, her face white with terror, backed +into the kitchen. I heard her opening the door where she had put her +hat and cloak, then the slamming of the kitchen door. + +I looked at Dicky in amazement. What did it all mean? + +He caught up his hat and dashed to the front door. + +"Quick, Madge!" he called. "Follow her out the kitchen door as fast as +you can. I'll meet you at the servant's entrance! I wouldn't let her +get away for a hundred dollars!" + +I obeyed Dicky's instructions, but with a feeling of disgust creeping +over me. I have always hated a scene, and this performance savored too +much of moving picture melodrama to suit me. + +I hurried down the two flights of stairs and on toward the servant's +entrance. I was almost there when Katie came flying back, almost into +my arms. + +"Oh, Missis Graham," she moaned. + +"You kind lady. I pay it all back. I always have it with me. Don't let +him put me in prison. I work, work my fingers to the bone for you. If +you only not let him put me in prison." + +Dicky came up behind us. As she saw him she shrank closer to me in a +pitiful, frightened way, and put out both her hands as if to push him +away. + +"Don't be frightened, Katie," he said. Come to the house and tell me +about it." + +"Bring her into the living room and get her quieted before I talk to +her," suggested Dicky, as he disappeared into his room after I had got +her upstairs. + +Bewildered and displeased at this bizarre situation which had been +thrust upon me, I ushered Katie into the living room and removed her +hat and coat. She trembled violently. + +I went to the dining room and from a decanter in the sideboard poured +a glass of wine and, bringing it back, pressed it to her lips. She +drank it, and the color gradually came back to her face and the +twitching of her muscles lessened. + +When she was calmer I took her hands in mine and, looking her full +in the face in the manner which I had sometimes used to quiet an +hysterical pupil, I said slowly: + +"Listen to me, Katie. You are not going to be put in prison. Mr. +Graham will not harm you in the least. But he wishes to talk to you, +and you must listen to what he has to say." + +Her answer was to seize my hand and cover it with tearful kisses. I +detest any exhibition of emotion, and this girl's utter abandonment +to whatever grief or terror was hers irritated me. But I tried not to +show my feelings. I merely patted her head and said: + +"Come, Katie, you must stop this and listen to Mr. Graham." + +Katie obediently wiped her eyes and sat up very straight. + +"I am all right now," she said quaveringly. "He can come. I tell him +everything." + +Still very nervous but calmer than she had been, Katie remained quiet +when I raised my voice to reach Dicky waiting in the adjoining room. + +"Oh, Dicky," I called, "you may come now." + +Dicky drew a low chair in front of the couch where we sat. + +"Tell me first, Katie," he said kindly, "why do you think I want to +put you in prison? Because of the money? Never mind that. I want to +talk to you of something else." + +But Katie was hysterically tugging at the neck of her gown. From +inside her bodice she took a tiny chamois skin bag, and ripping it +open took out a carefully folded bill and handed it to Dicky. + +"I never spend that money," she said. "I never mean to steal it. But +I had to go away queeck from your flat and I never, never dare come +back, give you the money. After two month, send my cousin to the flat, +but he say you move, no know where. There I always keep the money +here. I think maybe some time I find out where you live and write a +letter to you, send the money." + +Dicky took the bill and unfolded it curiously. A brown stain ran +irregularly across one-half of it. + +"Well, I'll be eternally blessed," he ejaculated, "if it isn't the +identical bill I gave her. Ten-dollar bills were not so plentiful +three years ago, and I remember this one so distinctly because of the +stain. The boys used to say I must have murdered somebody to get it, +and that it was stained with blood." + +He turned to Katie again. + +"The money is nothing, Katie. Why did you run away that day? I never +have been able to finish that picture since." + +Katie's eyes dropped. Her cheeks flushed. + +"I 'shamed to tell," she murmured. + +Dicky muttered an oath beneath his breath. "I thought so," he said +slowly, then he spoke sternly: + +"Never mind being ashamed to tell, Katie. I want the truth. I worked +at your portrait that morning, and then I had to go to the studio. +When I came back you had gone, bag and baggage, and with, the money I +gave you to pay the tailor. I never could finish that picture, and it +would have brought me a nice little sum." + +My brain was whirling by this time. Dicky in a flat with this ignorant +Polish girl paying his tailor bills, and posing for portraits. What +did it all mean? + +"Where did you go?" Dicky persisted. + +Katie lifted her head and looked at him proudly. + +"You know when you left that morning, Mr. Lestaire, he was painting, +too? Well, Mr. Graham, I always good girl in old country and here. I +go to confession. I always keep good. Mr. Lestaire, he kiss me, say +bad tings to me. He scare me. I afraid if I stay I no be good girl. +So I run queeck away. I never dare come bade. That Mr. Lestaire he one +bad man, one devil." + +Dicky whistled softly. + +"So that was it?" he said. "Well that was just about what that +pup would do. That was one reason I got out of our housekeeping +arrangements. He set too swift a pace for me, and that was going some +in those days." + +He turned to Katie, smiling. + +"You see you don't have to be afraid any more. I'm a respectable +married man now, and it's perfectly safe for you to work here. Mrs. +Graham will take care of you. Run along about your work now, that's a +good girl." + +Katie giggled appreciatively. Her mercurial temperament had already +sent her from the depths to the heights. + +"The dinner all spoiled while I cry like a fool," she said. "You ready +pretty soon. I serve." + +She hastened to the kitchen, and I turned to Dicky inquiringly. + +"I suppose you think you have gotten into a lunatic asylum, Madge. Of +all the queer things that Katie should apply for a job here and that +you should take her." + +"I didn't know you ever kept house in a flat before, Dicky." + +"It was a very short experience," he returned, "only three months. +Four of us, Lester, Atwood, Bates and myself pooled our rather scanty +funds and rented a small apartment. We advertised for a general +housekeeper, and Katie answered the advertisement. She had been over +from Poland only a year at a cousin's somewhere on the East side, +and she used to annoy us awfully getting to the flat so early in the +morning and cleaning our living room while we were trying to sleep. +But she was a crack-a-jack worker, so we put up with her superfluous +energy in cleaning. Then one day I discovered her standing with +a letter in her hand looking off into space with her eyes full of +misery. She had heard of some relative." + +"Of course you wanted to paint her," I suggested. + +"You bet," Dicky returned. "The idea came to me in a flash. You +can see what a heroic figure she was. I had her get into her Polish +dress--she had brought one with her from the old country--and I +painted her as Poland--miserable, unhappy Poland. Gee! but I'm glad +you happened to run across her. We'll put up with anything from her +until I get that picture done." + +Try as I might I could not share Dicky's enthusiasm. I knew it was +petty, but the idea of my maid acting as Dicky's model jarred my ideas +of the fitness of things. + +But I had sense enough to hold my peace. + + + + +VII + +A FRIENDLY WARNING + + +I know of nothing more exasperating to a hostess than to have her +guests come to her home too early. It is bad enough to wait a meal for +a belated guest, but to have some critical woman casually stroll in +before one is dressed, or has put the final touches--so dear to every +housewifely heart--on all the preparations, is simply maddening. + +I am no exception to the rule. As I heard the voices of Lillian Gale +and her husband and I realized that they had arrived at 3:30 in the +afternoon, when they had been invited for an evening chafing dish +supper, I was both disheartened and angry. + +But, of course, there was but one thing to do, much as I hated to do +it. I must go into the living room and cordially welcome these people. +As I slipped off my kitchen apron I thought of the hypocrisy which +marks most social intercourse. What I really wanted to say to my +guests was this: + +"Please go home and come again at the proper time. I am not ready to +receive you now." + +I had a sudden whimsical vision of the faces of Dicky and the +Underwoods if I should thus speak my real thoughts. The thought +in some curious fashion made it easier for me to cross the room to +Lillian Gale's side, extend my hand and say cordially: + +"How good of you to come this afternoon!" + +"I know it is unpardonable," Lillian's high pitched voice answered. +"You invited us for the evening, not for the afternoon, but I told +Harry that I was going to crucify the conventions and come over early, +so I would have a chance to say more than two words to you before the +rest get here." + +Harry Underwood elbowed his wife away from my side with a playful +push, and held out his hand. His brilliant, black eyes looked down +into mine with the same lazy approving expression that I had resented +when Dicky introduced me to him at the theatre. + +I cudgelled my brain in vain for some airy nothing with which to +answer his nonsense. I never have had the gift of repartee. I can talk +well enough about subjects that interest me when I am conversing with +some one whom I know well, but the frothy persiflage, the light banter +that forms the conversation's stock in trade of so many women, is an +alien tongue to me. + +"You are just as welcome as Mrs. Underwood is," I said heartily at +last. Fortunately he did not read the precisely honest meaning hidden +in my words. + +"Come on, Harry, into my room," urged Dicky, taking him by the arm. +"I've got a special brand cached in there, and had to hide it so mein +frau wouldn't drink it up." + +I suppose my face reflected the dismay I felt at this intimation that +the women would begin drinking so early. I feared for the repetition +of the experience of Friday evening. But the laws of conventions and +hospitality bound me. I felt that I could not protest. Mrs. Underwood +apparently had no such scruples. She clutched Dicky by the arm and +swung him around facing her. + +"Now, see here, my Dicky-bird," she began, "you begin this special +bottle kind of business and I walk out of here. I should think you and +Harry would have had enough of this the other evening. We came over +here today for a little visit, and tonight we'll sit on either the +water wagon or the beer wagon, just as Mrs. Graham says. But you boys +won't start any of these special drinks, or I'll know the reason why." + +"Oh, cut it out, Lil," her husband said, not crossly, but +mechanically, as if it were a phrase he often used. But Dicky laughed +down at her, although I knew by the look in his eyes that he was much +annoyed. + +"All right, Lil," he said easily. "I suppose Madge will fall in +gratitude on your neck for this when she gets you into the seclusion +of her room. You haven't any objection to our having a teenty-weenty +little smoke, have you, mamma dear?" + +"Go as far as you like," she returned, ignoring the sneers. + +As I turned and led the way to my room, I was conscious of curiously +mingled emotions. Relief at the elimination of the special bottle with +its inevitable consequences and resentment that Dicky should so +weakly obey the dictum of another woman, battled with each other. But +stronger than either was a dawning wonder. From the conversation I +had overheard in the theatre dressing-room and trifling things in +Mrs. Underwood's own conduct, I had been led to believe that she was +sentimentally interested in Dicky, and that some time in the future +I might have to battle with her for his affections. But her speech to +him which I had just heard savored more of the mother laying down +the law to a refractory child than it did of anything approaching +sentiment. Could it be, I told myself, that I had been mistaken? + +Our husbands looked exceedingly comfortable when we rejoined them, for +they were smoking vigorously and discussing the merits of two boxers +Mr. Underwood had recently seen. As we entered the room both men, +of course, sprang to their feet, and I had a moment's opportunity to +contrast their appearance. + +Dicky is slender, lithe, with merry brown eyes and thick, brown hair, +with a touch of auburn in it, and just enough suspicion of a curl to +give him several minutes' hard brushing each day trying to keep it +down. Harry Underwood, taller even than Dicky, who is above the medium +height, is massive in frame, well built, muscular, with black hair +tinged with gray, and the blackest, most piercing eyes I have ever +seen. I was proud of Dicky as I stood looking at them, while +Lillian exchanged some merry nonsense with Dicky, but I also had to +acknowledge that Harry Underwood was a splendid specimen of manhood. + +As if he had read my thoughts, his eyes caught mine and held them. To +all appearances he was listening to the banter of Dicky and his wife, +but there was an inscrutable look in his eyes, an enigmatical smile +upon his lips, as he looked at me that vaguely troubled me. His +glance, his smile, seemed significant somehow, as if we were old +friends who held some humorous experience in common remembrance. And I +had never seen him but once before in my life. + +I shrugged my shoulders, ever so slightly. It is a habit of mine when +I am displeased, or wish to throw off some unpleasant sensation of +memory. I was almost unconscious of having used the gesture. But +Harry Underwood crossed the room as if it had been a signal, and stood +looking down quizzically at me. + +"Little lady," he began, "you shouldn't hold a grudge so well. It +doesn't harmonize with your eyes and your mouth. They were meant for +kindness, not severity. If there is any way that I can show you I am +humbled to the dust for coming here I'll do any penance you say." + +"You must be mistaken, Mr. Underwood." I strove to control my voice. +"I have no grudge whatever against you, so you see you are absolved in +advance from my penance." + +"Will you shake hands on it?" He put out his large, white, beautifully +formed hand and grasped mine before I had half extended it. + +I felt myself flushing hotly. Of all the absolutely idiotic things +in the world, this standing hand in hand with Harry Underwood, in a +formal pact of friendship or forgiveness or whatever he imagined the +hand-clasp signified, was the most ridiculous. He was quick enough +to fathom my distaste, but he clasped my hand tighter and, bending +slightly so that he could look straight into my eyes he said, lazily +smiling: + +"You are the most charming prevaricator I know. You come pretty near +to hating me, little lady. But you won't dislike me long. I'll make a +bet with myself on that." + +"Hold that pose just a minute. Don't move. It's simply perfect." + +Lillian Underwood's merry voice interrupted her husband's declaration. +With clever mimicry she struck the attitude of a nervous photographer +just ready to close the shutter of his camera. Dicky stood just behind +her too, also smiling, but while Lillian's merriment evidently was +genuine, I detected a distaste for the proceedings behind Dicky's +smile, which I knew was forced. + +Lillian slipped in an imaginary plate, then springing to one side +stood pretending to clasp the bulb of the shutter in her hand, while +she counted: "One, two, three, four, five--thank you!" + +"Now if you will just change your expressions," she rattled on. +"Harry, why don't you take both her hands? Then if Mrs. Graham will +smile a little we will have a sentimental gem, or if she makes her +expression even a trifle more disapproving than it is I can label it, +'Unhand me, villain.'" + +"I never take a dare," returned her husband, and snatched my other +hand. But I was really angry by this time, and I wrenched my hands +away with an effort and threw my head a trifle haughtily, although +fortunately I was able to control my words: + +"Do you know, people, that there will be no food for you tonight +unless I busy myself with its preparations immediately? Mrs. +Underwood, won't you entertain those boys and excuse me for a little +while?" + +I went into the dining room and put on the kitchen apron I had taken +off when I heard the voices of my early guests. Almost immediately +Lillian appeared arrayed in the apron I had given her. She came up to +the table and surveyed it with appraising eyes. + +"I am glad of this chance to speak with you alone, for I want to +explain to you about him." + +She stopped with an embarrassed flush. I gazed at her in amazement. +Lillian Underwood flustered! I could not believe my eyes. + +"You are not used to us or our ways, or I shouldn't bother to tell you +this. But I can see that you are much annoyed at Harry, and I don't +blame you. But you mustn't mind him. He is really harmless. He falls +in love with every new face he sees, has a violent attack, then gets +over it just as quickly. You are an entirely new type to him, so I +suppose his attack this time will be a little more prolonged. He'll +make violent love to you behind my back or before my face, but you +mustn't mind him. I understand, and I'll straighten him out when he +gets too annoying." + +The embarrassed flush had disappeared by this time. She was talking +in as cool and matter-of-fact manner as if she had been discussing the +defection of a cook. + +My first emotion was resentment against my husband. + +Why, I asked myself passionately, had Dicky insisted upon my +friendship with these people? Suppose they were his most intimate +friends? I was his wife, and I had nothing whatever in common with +them. Knowing them as well as he did, he must have known Harry +Underwood's propensities. He must also have known the gossip that +connected his own name with Lillian's. He should have guarded me from +any contact with them. I felt my anger fuse to a white heat against +both my husband and Lillian. + +An ugly suspicion crossed my mind. Lillian Gale's absolute calmness +in the face of her husband's wayward affections was unique in my +experience of women. Was the secret of her indifference, a lack of +interest in her own husband or an excess of interest in mine? Did she +hope perhaps to gain ground with Dicky with the development of this +situation? Was her warning to me only part of a cunningly constructed +plan, whereby she would stimulate my interest in Harry Underwood? + +I was ashamed of my thoughts even as they came to me. Lillian Gale +seemed too big a woman, too frank and honest of countenance for such +a subterfuge. But I could not help feeling all my old distrust and +dislike of the woman rush over me. I had a struggle to keep my voice +from being tinged with the dislike I felt as I answered her: + +"I am sure you must be mistaken, Mrs. Underwood. Such a possibility as +that would be unspeakably annoying We will not consider it." + +"I think you will find you will have to consider it," she returned +brusquely, with a curious glance at me "But we do not need to spoil +our afternoon discussing it." + + + + +VIII + +A TRAGEDY AVERTED + + +It was well after 7 o'clock when the ringing of the door bell told me +that the Lesters had come. Dicky welcomed them and introduced me +to them. Mrs. Lester was a pretty creature, birdlike, in her small +daintiness, and a certain chirpy brightness. I judged that her +mentality equalled the calibre of a sparrow, but I admitted also that +the fact did not detract from her attractiveness. She was the sort of +woman to be protected, to be cherished. + +"I'm afraid I shall be very dull tonight. I am so worried about +leaving the baby. She's only six months old, you know, and, I have had +my mother with me ever since she was born until two weeks ago, so I +have never left her with a maid before. This girl we have appears very +competent, says she is used to babies, but I just can't help being as +nervous as a cat." + +"Are you still worrying about that baby?" Mrs. Underwood's loud voice +sounded behind us. "Now, look here, Daisy, have a little common sense. +You have had that maid over a year; she has been with your mother and +you since the baby was born; there's a telephone at her elbow, and you +are only five blocks away from home. Wasn't the child well when you +left?" + +"Sleeping just like a kitten," the proud mother answered. "You just +ought to have seen her, one little hand all cuddled up against her +face. I just couldn't bear to leave her." + +Over Lillian Gale's face swept a swift spasm of pain. So quickly was +it gone that I would not have noticed it, had not my eyes happened to +rest on her face when Mrs. Lester spoke of her baby. Was there a child +in that hectic past of hers? I decided there must be. + +"Why don't you telephone now and satisfy yourself that the baby is all +right, and instruct the maid to call you if she sees anything unusual +about her?" I queried. + +"Tell her you are going to telephone every little while. Then she will +be sure to keep on the job," cynically suggested Mrs. Underwood. + +"Oh, that will be just splendid," chirped Mrs. Lester. "Thank you so +much, Mrs. Graham. Where is the telephone?" + +"Dicky will get the number for you," said Mrs. Underwood, ushering her +into the living room. I heard her shrill voice. + +"Oh, Dicky-bird, please get Mrs. Lester's apartment for her. She wants +to be sure the baby's all right." + +Then I heard a deeper voice. "For heaven's sake, Daisy, don't make a +fool of yourself. The kid's all right." That was Mr. Lester's voice, +of course. Neither the tones of Dicky nor Harry Underwood had the +disagreeable whining timbre of this man's. + +Lillian's retort made me smile, it was so characteristic of her. + +"Who unlocked the door of your cage, anyway? Get back in, and if you +growl again tonight there will be no supper for you." + +We all laughed and I went to help Katie put the finishing touches to +our dinner. When I returned Mrs. Lester was seated in an armchair in +the corner as if on a throne, with Harry Underwood in an attitude of +exaggerated homage before her. + +I felt suddenly out of it all, lonely. These people were nothing +to me, I said to myself. They were not my kind. I had a sudden +homesickness for the quiet monotony of my life before I married Dicky. +I thought of the few social evenings I had spent in the days before +I met Dicky, little dinners with the principals and teachers I had +known, when I had been the centre of things, when my opinions had been +referred to, as Lillian Gale's were now. + +I went through the rest of the evening in a daze of annoyance and +regret from which I did not fully emerge until we were all at the +dinner table, with Dicky officiating at the chafing dish. Then +suddenly Mrs. Lester turned to me, her face filled with nervous fears. + +"Oh, Mrs. Graham, I don't believe I can wait for anything. I am +getting so nervous about baby. I know it's awful to be so silly, but I +just can't help it." + +"Daisy!" Her husband's voice was stern, his face looked angry. "Do +stop that nonsense. We are certainly not going home now." + +His wife seemed to shrink into herself. Her pretty face, with its +worried look, was like that of a little girl grieving over a doll. I +felt a sudden desire to comfort her. + +"I think you are worrying yourself unnecessarily, Mrs. Lester," I said +in an undertone. We were sitting next each other, and I could speak to +her without her husband overhearing. "When you telephoned the maid an +hour ago, the baby was all right, wasn't she?" + +"Yes, I know," she returned dejectedly. "But I have heard such +dreadful things about maids neglecting babies left in their care. +Suppose she should leave her alone in the apartment, and something +should catch fire and--" + +"See here, Daisy!" Lillian Gale joined our group, coffee cup in hand. +"Drink your coffee and your cordial. Then pretty soon, if you feel you +really must go, I'll gather up Harry and start for home. Then you can +make Frank go." + +"You are awfully good, Lillian." Mrs. Lester looked gratefully up at +the older woman. "I know I am as silly as I can be, but you can't know +how I am imagining every dreadful thing in the calendar." + +"I know all about it," Mrs. Underwood returned shortly, almost curtly, +and walked away toward the group of men at the other side of the +apartment. + +"I never knew that she ever had a child." Mrs. Lester's eyes were wide +with amazement as they met mine. + +"Neither did I." Purposely I made my tone non-committal. From the look +in Lillian Gale's eyes when Mrs. Lester told us in my room of the way +the baby looked asleep, I knew that some time she must have had a baby +of her own in her arms. + +But I detest gossip, no matter how kindly--if, indeed, gossip can ever +be termed kindly. I could not discuss Mrs. Underwood's affairs with +any one, especially when she was a guest of mine. + +"But she must have had a baby some time," persisted little Mrs. +Lester. Her anxiety about her own baby appeared to be forgotten for +the moment. "It must have been a child of that awful man she divorced, +or who divorced her. I never did get that story right." + +I looked around the room. How I wished some one would interrupt our +talk. I could not listen to Mrs. Lester's prattle without answering +her, and I did not wish to express any opinion on the subject. + +As if answering my unspoken wish, Harry Underwood rose and came toward +me. + +"Were you looking for me?" he queried audaciously. + +I had a sudden helpless, angry feeling that this man had been covertly +watching me. Annoyed as I was, I was glad that he had interrupted +us, for his presence would effectually stop Mrs. Lester's surmises +concerning his wife. + +"Indeed I was not looking for you," I replied spiritedly. "But I +am glad you are here. Please talk to Mrs. Lester while I go to the +kitchen. I must give some directions to Katie." + +"Of course that's a terribly hard task"--he began, smiling +mischievously at Mrs. Lester. + +But he never finished his sentence. A loud, prolonged ringing of +the doorbell startled us all. It was the sort of ring one always +associates with an urgent summons of some sort. + +"Oh! my baby. I know something's happened to the baby and they've come +to tell me." + +Mrs. Lester's words rang high and shrill. They changed to a shriek as +Dicky opened the door and fell back startled. + +For past him rushed a girl with a fear-distorted face holding in her +arms a baby that to my eyes looked as if it were dead. + +But I had presence of mind enough to quiet Mrs. Lester's hysterical +fears. + +"That is not your baby," I said sharply, grasping her by the arm. "It +is the child from across the hall!" + +There is nothing in the world so pitiful to witness as the suffering +of a baby. + +We all realized this as the maid held out to us the tiny infant, rigid +and blue as if it were already dead. + +"Is the baby dead?" she gasped, her face convulsed with grief and +fear. "My madam is at the theatre, and the baby has been fretty for +two hours, and just a minute ago he stiffened out like this. Oh, dear! +Oh, dear!" she began to sob. + +"Stop that!" Lillian Gale's voice rang out like a trumpet. "The baby +is not dead. It is in a convulsion. Give it to me and run back to your +apartment and bring me some warm blankets." + +Of the six people at our little chafing dish supper, so suddenly +interrupted, she was the only one who knew what to do. I had been able +to, quiet Mrs. Lester's hysteria by telling her at once that the +baby was not her own, as she had so widely imagined, but was helpless +before the baby's danger. + +Lillian's orders came thick and fast. She dominated the situation and +swept us along in the fight to save the baby's life until the doctor, +who had been summoned, arrived. + +The physician was a tall, thin, young man, with a look of efficiency +about him. He looked at the baby carefully, laid his hand upon the +tiny forehead, then straightened himself. + +"Is there any way in which the child's parents can be found?" Mr. +Underwood evidently had told him of the nature of the seizure and the +absence of the parents on the way up. + +Lillian Gale's face grew pale under her rouge. + +"There is danger, doctor?" she asked quietly + +"There is always danger in these cases," he returned quietly, but his +words were heard by a wild-eyed woman in evening dress who rushed +through the open door followed by a man as agitated as she. + +I said an unconscious prayer of thankfulness. + +The baby's mother had arrived. + +It seemed a week, but it was in reality only two hours later when +Lillian Gale returned from the apartment across the hall, heavy eyed +and dishevelled, her gown splashed with water, her rouge rubbed off in +spots, her whole appearance most disreputable. + +"The baby?" we all asked at once. + +"Out of any immediate danger, the doctor says. The nurse came an hour +ago, but the child had two more of those awful things, and I was able +to help her. The mother is no good at all, one of those emotional +women whose idea of taking care of a baby is to shriek over it." + +Her voice held no contempt, only a great weariness. I felt a sudden +rush of sympathetic liking for this woman, whom I had looked upon as +an enemy. + +"What can I get you, Mrs. Underwood?" I asked. "You look so worn out." + +"If Katie has not thrown out that coffee," she returned practically, +"let us warm it up." + +I felt a foolish little thrill of housewifely pride. A few minutes +before her appearance I had gone into the kitchen and made fresh +coffee, anticipating her return. Katie, of course, I had sent to bed +after she had cleared the table and washed the silver. I had told her +to pile the dishes for the morning. + +"I have fresh coffee all ready," I said. "I thought perhaps you might +like a cup. Sit still, and I'll bring it in." + +Harry Underwood sprang to his feet. "I'll carry the tray for you." + +I thought I detected a little quiver of pain on Mrs. Underwood's face. +Her husband had expressed no concern for her, but was offering to +carry my tray. Truly, the tables were turning. I had suffered because +of the rumors I had heard concerning this woman's regard for Dicky. +Was I, not meaning it, to cause her annoyance? + +"Indeed you will do no such thing," I spoke playfully to hide my real +indignation at the man. "Dicky is the only accredited waiter around +this house." + +"Card from the waiters' union right in my pocket," Dicky grinned, and +stretched lazily as he followed me to the kitchen. + +We served the coffee, and Lillian and her husband went home. As the +door closed behind them Dicky came over to me and took me in his arms. + +"Pretty exciting evening, wasn't it, sweetheart?" he said. "I'm afraid +you are all done out." + +He drew me to our chair and we sat down together. I found myself +crying, something I almost never do. Dicky smoothed my hair tenderly, +silently, until I wiped my eyes. Then his clasp tightened around me. + +"Tonight has taught me a lesson," he said. "Sometimes I have dreamed +of a little child of our own, Madge. But I would rather never have a +child than go through the suffering those poor devils had tonight. It +must be awful to lose a baby." + +I hid my face in his shoulder. Not even to my husband could I confess +just then how the touch of the naked, rigid little body of that other +woman's child had sent a thrill of longing through me for a baby's +hands that should be mine. + + + + +IX + +THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN + + +"Well, we are in plenty of time." + +We were seated, Dicky and I, in the waiting room of the Long Island +railroad a week after my dinner party that had almost ended in +tragedy. Dicky had bought our tickets to Marvin, the little village +which was to be the starting point of our country ramble, and we were +putting in the time before our train was ready in gazing at the usual +morning scene in a railroad station. + +There were not many passengers going out on the island, but scores +of commuters were hurrying through the station on their way to their +offices and other places of employment. + +"You don't see many of the commuters up here," Dicky remarked. "There's +a passage direct from the trains to the subway on the lower level, and +most of them take that. Some of the women come up to prink a bit in +the waiting room, and some of the men come through here to get cigars +or papers, but the big crowd is down on the train level." + +I hardly heard him, for I was so interested in a girl who had just +come into the waiting room. I had never seen so self-possessed a +creature in my life. She was unusually beautiful, with golden hair +that was so real the most captious person could not suspect that hair +of being dyed. Her eyes were dark, and the unusual combination of eyes +and hair fitted a face with regular features and a fair skin. I had +seen Christmas and Easter cards with faces like hers. But I had never +seen anyone like her in real life, and I am afraid I stared at her as +hard as did everyone else in the waiting room. + +"By jove!" Dicky drew in a deep breath. "Isn't she the most ripping +beauty you ever saw?" + +His eyes were following her lithe, perfect figure as she walked down +the waiting room. I have never seen a pretty girl appear so utterly +unconscious of the glances directed toward her as she did. But with +a woman's intuition I knew that underneath her calm exterior she was +noticing and appraising every admiring look she received. I could not +have told how I knew this, but I did know it. + +She sat down a little distance from us, and Dicky frankly turned quite +around to stare at her. + +"I wonder if she's going on our train," he mused. "By George, I never +saw anything like her in my life." + +I looked at him in open amazement, tinged not a little with +resentment. He was with me, his bride of less than a month, for our +first day's outing since our marriage, and yet his eyes were +following this other woman with the most open admiration. I felt hurt, +neglected, but I was determined he should not think me jealous. + +"Yes, isn't she beautiful," I said as enthusiastically as I could. "I +never have seen just that combination of eyes and hair." + +"It's her features and figure that get me. I'd like to get a glimpse +of her hands and feet. Perhaps she will sit near us in the train. If +she does, I promise you I am going to stare at her unmercifully." + +As luck would have it, just as we seated ourselves in the train, the +girl we had seen in the railway station came through the door with +the same air of regal unconsciousness of her surroundings that she had +shown while running the gauntlet of the admiring and critical eyes in +the waiting room. + +She carried in her hand a small traveling bag, which, while not new, +had received such good care that it was not at all shabby. She spent +no time in selecting a seat, but with an air of taking the first one +available sat down directly opposite Dicky and me, depositing her bag +close to her feet. + +As she sat down she calmly crossed her knees, something which I hate +to see a woman do in a public place. + +"Gee, she has the hands and the feet all right!" + +Dicky has a trick of mumbling beneath his breath, so that no one can +detect that he is talking save the person whose ear is nearest to +him. It is convenient sometimes, but at other times it is most +embarrassing, especially when he is making comments upon people near +us. + +"I don't blame her for elevating one foot above the other," Dicky +rattled on. "Not one woman in a thousand can wear those white spats. +She must have mighty small, well-shaped tootsies under them." + +The girl sat looking straight ahead of her. The crossing of her knees +revealed a swirl of silken petticoat, and more than a glimpse of filmy +silk stockings. + +Her shoes were patent leather pumps, utterly unsuitable for a trip to +the country. Over them she wore spats of the kind affected by so many +girls. + +I had a sudden remembrance of times in my own life when a new pair of +shoes was as impossible to attain as a whole wardrobe. I had a sudden +intuition that the unsuitable pumps were like the rest of her clothes, +left over from some former affluence. She had bravely made the best of +them by covering them with spats, which I knew she could obtain quite +cheaply at some bargain sale. + +"Looks like ready money, doesn't she?" mumbled Dicky in my ear. + +I did not answer, and suddenly Dicky stared at me. + +"A trifle peeved, aren't you?" Dicky's voice was mocking. But he saw +what I could not conceal, that tears were rising to my eyes. I was +able to keep from shedding them, and no one but Dicky could possibly +have guessed I was agitated. + +He changed his tone and manner on the instant. + +"I know I have been thoughtless, sweetheart," he said earnestly, "but +I keep forgetting that you are not used to my vagaries yet. Tell me +honestly, would you have been so resentful if I had been interested in +some old man with chin whiskers as I was in the beautiful lady?" + +A light broke upon me. How foolish I had been. I looked at Dicky +shamefacedly. + +"You mean--" + +"That she's exactly the model I've been looking for to pose for those +outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants. One of the series is to be a +girl on a step ladder, picking apple blossoms. She is to be on her +knees, and one foot is to be stretched out behind her. The picture +demands a perfect foot and ankle, and this girl has them. Her features +and hair, too, are just the type I want. She would know how to pose, +too. You can see that from her air as she sits there. And that's half +the battle. If they do not have the faculty of posing naturally they +could never be taught." + +I felt much humiliated, and I was very angry, but I must remember, I +told myself, that I had married an artist. I foresaw, however, many +complications in our lives together. If every time we took a trip +anywhere, Dicky was to spend his time planning to secure the services +of some possible model I could see very little pleasure for me in our +outings. + +But I knew an apology was due Dicky, and I gathered courage to make +it. + +"I am sorry to have annoyed you, Dicky," I said at last. "But I did +not dream that you were looking at her as a possible model." + +"And looked at from any other standpoint it was rather raw of me," +admitted Dicky. "But let's forget it. She'll probably drop off the +train at Forest Hills or Kew Gardens, she looks like the product of +those suburbs, and I'll never see her again." + +But his prediction was not fulfilled. + +"Marvin!" + +The conductor shouted the word as the train drew up to one of the most +forlorn looking railroad stations it was ever my lot to see. + +Dicky and I rose from our seats, he with subdued excitement, I with +a feeling of depression. For the girl who had claimed so much of our +attention was getting off at Marvin after all. + +I remembered the bargain I had made with my conscience. + +"What do you know about that?" Dicky exclaimed, as he saw her go down +the aisle ahead of us. "She also is getting off here. I wonder who she +is?" + +"Listen, Dicky," I said rapidly. "Walk ahead, see in which direction +she goes, and ask the station master if he knows who she is. I know +something which I will tell you when you have done that. Perhaps you +may have her for a model, after all." + +Dicky gave me one swift glance of mingled surprise and admiration, +then did as I asked. As I followed him down the aisle and noted the +eagerness with which he was hurrying, I felt a sudden qualm of doubt. +Was I really doing the wisest thing? + +I waited quietly on the station platform until Dicky rejoined me. + +"Her name's Draper," he said. "The station agent doesn't know much +about her, except that she visits a sister, Mrs. Gorman, here every +summer. He never saw her here in the winter before. I got Mrs. +Gorman's address, 329 Shore Road, called Shore Road because it never +gets anywhere near the shore. Much good the address will do me, +though. Queer she doesn't take the bus. It must be a mile to her +sister's home. She's probably one of those walking bugs." + +"She didn't take the bus because she could not afford it," I said +quietly. + +Dicky stared at me in amazement. + +"How do you know?" he said finally. "Do you know her? No, of course +you don't. But how in creation--" + +"Listen, Dicky," I interrupted. "I've turned too many dresses of my +own not to recognize makeshifts when I see them. Everything that girl +has on except her stockings and gloves has been remodelled from her +old stuff. Her pumps are not suitable at all for walking; they are +evening pumps, of a style two years old at that. But she has covered +them with spats, so that no one will suspect that she wears them from +necessity, not choice." + +"Well, I'll be--" Dicky uttered his favorite expletive. "It takes one +woman to dissect another. She looked like the readiest kind of ready +money to me. Why, say, if what you say is true, she ought to be glad +to earn the money I could pay her for posing. I could get her lots of +other work, too." + +"Perhaps she wouldn't like to do that sort of thing." + +"What sort of thing? What's wrong with it?" Dicky asked belligerently. +"Oh, you mean figure posing! She wouldn't have to do that at all +if she didn't want to. Plenty of good nudes. It's the intangible, +high-bred look and ability to wear clothes well that's hard to get." + +We had walked past the unpainted little shack that but for the word +"Marvin" in large letters painted across one end of it would never +have been taken for a railroad station. Without looking where we were +going we found ourselves in front of an immense poster on a large +board back of the station. The letters upon it were visible yards +away. + +"Marvin," it read, "the prettiest, quaintest village on the south +shore. Please don't judge the town by the station." + +He took my arm and turned me away from the billboard toward a wide, +dusty road winding away from the station to the eastward. + +"But, Dicky," I protested. "I thought you wanted to see about securing +that girl as a model." + +"Oh, that can wait," said Dicky carelessly. + +My heart sang as I slipped my arm in Dicky's. It was going to be an +enjoyable day after all. + + + + +X + +"GRACE BY NAME AND GRACE BY NATURE" + + +"What's the matter, Madge? Got a grouch or something?" + +Dicky faced me in the old hall of the deserted Putnam Manor Inn, where +we had expected to find warmth and food and the picturesqueness of a +century back. Instead of these things we had found the place in the +hands of a caretaker. Dicky had asked to go through the house on the +pretence of wishing to rent it. + +"I haven't a bit of a grouch." I tried to speak as cheerfully as I +could, for I dreaded Dicky's anger when I told him my feeling upon the +subject of going over the house under false pretences. "But I don't +think it is right for us to go through the rooms. The woman wouldn't +have let us come in if you hadn't said we wished to rent it. It's +deception, and I wish you wouldn't insist upon my going any further. I +can't enjoy seeing the rooms at all." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment as if I were some specimen of humanity +he had never seen before. Then he exploded. + +"Another one of your scruples, eh? By Jove, I wonder where you keep +them all. You're always ready to trot one out just in time to spoil +any little thing I'm trying to do for your pleasure or mine." + +"Please hush, Dicky," I pleaded. I was afraid the woman in the next +room would hear him, he spoke in such loud tones. + +"I'll hush when I get good and ready." I longed to shake him, his tone +and words were so much like those of a spoiled child. But he lowered +his tone, nevertheless, and stood for a minute or two in sulky silence +before the empty fireplace. + +"Well! Come along," he said at last. "I'm sure there is no pleasure +to me in looking over this place. I've seen it often enough when old +Forsman had it filled with colonial junk, and served the best meals to +be found on Long Island. It's like a coffin now to me. But I thought +you might like to look it over, as you had never seen it. But for +heaven's sake let us respect your scruples!" + +I knew better than to make any answer. I wished above everything +else to have this day end happily, this whole day to ourselves in the +country, upon which I had counted so much. I feared Dicky would be +angry enough to return to the city, as he had threatened to do when +he found the inn closed. So it was with much relief that after we had +gone back into the other room I heard him ask the caretaker if there +were some place in the neighborhood where we could obtain a meal. + +"Do you know where the Shakespeare House is?" she asked. + +"Never heard of it," Dicky answered, "although I've been around here +quite a bit, too." + +"It's about six blocks further down toward the bay," she said, still +in the same colorless tone she had used from the first. "It's on Shore +Road. The Germans own it. Mr. Gorman, he's a builder, and he built +an old house over into a copy of Shakespeare's house in England. Mrs. +Gorman is English. She serves tea there on the porch in the summer, +and I've heard she will serve a meal to anybody that happens along +any time of the year, although she doesn't keep a regular restaurant. +That's the only place I know of anywhere near. Of course, down on the +bay there's the Marvin Harbor Hotel. You can get a pretty good meal +there." + +"Thank you very much," said Dicky, laying a dollar bill down on the +table near us. + +I had a sudden flash of understanding. Dicky meant all the time to +recompense the woman in this way for allowing us to see the house. But +the principle of the thing remained the same. Why could he not have +told her frankly that he wished to look at the house and given her the +dollar in the beginning? + +I did not ask the question, however, even after we had left the old +mansion and were walking down the road. I felt like adopting the old +motto and leaving well enough alone. + +I did not speak again until we had turned from the street down which +we were walking into a winding thoroughfare labelled "Shore Road." +Then a thought which had come to me during our walk demanded +utterance. + +"Dicky," I said quietly, "wasn't Gorman the name of the woman of whom +the station master told you, and didn't she live on Shore Road?" + +Dicky stopped short as if he had been struck. + +"Of course it was," he almost shouted. "What a ninny I was not to +remember it. She's the sister of that stunning girl we saw in the +train. Isn't this luck? I may be able to get that girl to pose for me +after all." + +But I did not echo his sentiments. Secretly I hoped the girl would not +be at her sister's home. + +"This surely must be the place, Dicky," I said as we rounded a sudden +turn on Shore Road and caught sight of a quaint structure that seemed +to belong to the 16th century rather than the 20th. + +Dicky whistled. "Well! What do you want to know about that?" he +demanded of the horizon in general, for the little brown house with +its balconies projecting from unexpected places and its lattice work +cunningly outlined against its walls was well worth looking at. But +our hunger soon drove us through the gate and up the steps. + +A comely Englishwoman of about 40 years answered Dicky's sounding of +the quaintly carved knocker. He lifted his hat with a curtly bow. + +"We were told at Putnam Manor that we might be able to get dinner +here," he began. "We came down from the city this morning expecting +that the inn would be open. But we found it closed and we are very +hungry. Would it be possible for you to accommodate us?" + +"I think we shall be able to give you a fairly good dinner," she said +with a simple directness that pleased me. "My husband went fishing +yesterday and I have some very good pan fish and some oysters. If you +are very hungry I can give you the oysters almost at once, and it will +not take very long to broil the fish. Then, if you care for anything +like that, we had an old-fashioned chicken pie for our own dinner. +There is plenty of it still hot if you wish to try it." + +"Madam," Dicky bowed again, "Chicken pie is our long suit, and we +are also very fond of oysters and fish. Just bring us everything +you happen to have in the house and I can assure you we will do full +justice to it." + +She smiled and went to the foot of the staircase, which had a mahogany +stair rail carved exquisitely. + +"Grace," she called melodiously. "There are two people here who will +take dinner. Will you show them into my room, so they can lay aside +their wraps?" + +Without waiting for an answer, she motioned us to the staircase. + +"My sister will take care of you," she said, and hurried out of +another door, which we realized must lead to the kitchen. + +Dicky and I looked at each other when she had left us. + +"The beautiful unknown," Dicky said in a stage whisper. "Try to get on +the good side of her, Madge. If I can get her to pose for that set +of outdoor illustrations Fillmore wants, me fortune's made, and hers, +too," he burlesqued. + +I nudged him to stop talking. I have a very quick ear, and I had heard +a light footstep in the hall above us. As we reached the top of the +stairs the girl of whom we were talking met us. + +I acknowledged unwillingly to myself that she was even more beautiful +than she had appeared on the train. She was gowned in a white linen +skirt and white "middy," with white tennis shoes and white stockings. +Her dress was most unsuitable for the winter day, although the +house was warm, but with another flash of remembrance of my own past +privations, I realized the reason for her attire. This costume could +be tubbed and ironed if it became soiled. It would stand a good deal +of water. Her other clothing must be kept in good condition for the +times when she must go outside of her home. + +But if she had known of Dicky's mission and gowned herself accordingly +she could not have succeeded better in satisfying his artistic eye. +He stared at her open-mouthed as she spoke a conventional word of +greeting and showed us into a bedroom hung with chintzes and bright +with the winter sunshine. + +She was as calm, as unconsciously regal, as she had been on the train. +I knew, however, that she was not as indifferent to Dicky's open +admiration as she appeared. The slightest heightening of the color in +her cheek, a quickly-veiled flash of her eyes in his direction--these +things I noticed in the short time she was in the room with us. + +Was Dicky too absorbed in his plan or his drawings to see what I had +seen? His words appeared to indicate that he was. + +"Gee!" He drew a long breath as we heard Miss Draper--the name I had +heard the 'bus driver give her--going down the stairs. "If I get a +chance to talk to her today I'm going to make her promise to save that +rig to pose in. She's the exact image of what I want. And graceful! +'Grace by name and grace by nature.' The old saw certainly holds good +in her case." + +I did not answer him. As I laid aside my furs and removed my hat and +coat I felt a distinct sinking of the heart. I knew it was foolish, +but the presence of this girl in whom Dicky displayed such interest +took all the pleasure out of the day's outing. + +"This is what I call eating," said Dicky as he helped himself to +a second portion of the steaming chicken pie which Mrs. Gorman had +placed before us. The oysters and the delicious broiled fish which +had formed the first two courses of our dinner had been removed by her +sister a few moments before. + +Dicky had not been so absorbed in his meal, however, as to miss any +graceful movement of Miss Draper's. The admiring glances which he gave +her as she served us with quick, deft motions were not lost upon me. +I knew that she was not oblivious of them either, although her manner +was perfect in its calm, indifferent courtesy. + +When it came time for dessert Mrs. Gorman bore the tray in on which it +was served, a cherry roly-poly, covered with a steaming sauce. + +"You're in luck," she said with a naive pride in her own culinary +ability, as she served the pudding. "I don't often make this pudding, +and my canned cherries from last summer are getting scarce. But my +sister came home unexpectedly this morning, and this pudding is one +of her favorites. So I made it for dinner. I thought perhaps it would +cheer her up." + +Miss Draper who entered at that moment with the coffee and a bit +of English cheese that looked particularly appetizing, appeared +distinctly annoyed at her sister's reference to her. Her cheeks +flushed, and her eyes flashed a warning glance at Mrs. Gorman. + +"I am sure this pudding would cheer anybody up," said Dicky genially, +attacking his. + +"It is delicious," I said, and, indeed, it was. "I have tasted nothing +like this since I was a child in the country." + +Mrs. Gorman beamed at the praise. She evidently was a hospitable soul. + +"Would you like the recipe for it?" she asked. + +"Indeed she would," Dicky struck in. "If you can teach Katie to make +this," he turned to me, "I'll stand treat to anything you wish." + +"What a rash promise," I smiled at Dicky, then turned to Mrs. Gorman. +"I should be very glad to have the recipe," I said. + +"Here," Dicky passed a pencil and the back of an envelope over the +table. + +So, while Mrs. Gorman dictated the recipe, I dutifully wrote it down. + +"Thank you so much, Mrs. Gorman," I said as I finished writing. + +"You are very welcome, I am sure," she said heartily. "You are +strangers here, aren't you? I've never seen you around here before." + +"This is my wife's first visit to this village," Dicky struck into +the conversation. I realized that he welcomed this opportunity of +beginning a conversation with Mrs. Gorman and her sister, so that he +might lead up to his request for Miss Draper's services as a model. + +"I have been in the village frequently," went on Dicky. "I used to +sketch a good deal along the brook to the north of the village." + +"Then you are an artist!" We heard Miss Draper's voice for the first +time since she had shown us to the room above. Then her tones had been +cool and indifferent. Now her exclamation was full of emotion of some +sort. + +"An artist!" echoed Mrs. Gorman, staring at Dicky as if he were the +President. + +There was a little strained silence, then Miss Draper picked up the +serving tray and hurried into the kitchen. Mrs. Gorman wiped her eyes +as she saw her sister's departure. + +"You mustn't think we're queer," she said at length. "But I suppose +your saying you are an artist brought all her trouble back to Grace, +poor girl." Mrs. Gorman's eyes threatened to overflow again. + +"If it wouldn't trouble you too much, tell us about it." Dicky's voice +was gentle, inviting. "Perhaps we could help you." + +"I don't think anybody can help." Mrs. Gorman shook her head sadly. +"You see, ever since Grace was a baby, almost, she has wanted to draw +things. I brought her up. I was the oldest and she the youngest of 12 +children, and our mother died soon after she was born. I was married +shortly afterward, and from the time she could hold a pencil in her +hand she has drawn pictures on everything she could lay her hands +on. In school she was always at the head of her class in drawing, but +there was no money to give her any lessons, so she didn't get very +far. Since she left school she has been planning every way to save +money enough to go to an art school, but something always hinders." + +Mrs. Gorman paused only to take breath. Having broken her reserve she +seemed unable to stop talking. + +"She went into a dressmaking shop as soon as she left school--I had +taught her to sew beautifully--thinking she could earn money enough +when she had learned her trade to have a term in an art school. But +her health broke down at the sewing, and I had her home here a year." + +I remembered the remarkable appearance of costly attire Miss Draper +had achieved when we saw her in the station. This, then, was the +solution. She had made them all herself. + +"Then she got another position--" + +Miss Draper came into the room in time to hear Mrs. Gorman's last +words. She walked swiftly to her sister's side, her eyes blazing. + +"Kate," she said, her voice low but tense with emotion. "Why are you +troubling these strangers with my affairs?" + +Before Mrs. Gorman could answer Dicky interposed. + +"Just a minute, please," he said authoritatively. "As it happens, Miss +Draper, I am in a position to make a proposition to you concerning +employment which will provide you with a comfortable income, and at +the same time enable you to pursue your studies." + +Mrs. Gorman uttered an ejaculation of joy, but Miss Draper said +nothing, only looked steadily at him. "This girl has had lessons in a +hard school," I said to myself. "She has learned to distrust men and +to doubt any proffered kindness." + +"I have been commissioned to do a set of illustrations," Dicky went +on, "in which the central figure is a young girl in the regulation +summer costume, such as you have on. I have been unable to find a +satisfactory model for the picture. If you will allow me to say so, +you are just the type I wish for the drawings. If you will pose for +them I will give you $50 and buy you a monthly commutation ticket from +Marvin, so that you will have no expense coming or going. There are +several artist friends of mine who have been looking for a model of +your type. I think you could safely count upon an income of $40 or $50 +a week after you get started. I know there are several other drawings +I have in mind in which I could use you." + +Mrs. Gorman had attempted to speak two or three times while Dicky was +explaining his proposition, but Miss Draper had silenced her with +a gesture. Now, however, she would not be denied. "A model!" she +shrilled excitedly. "You're not insulting my sister by asking her to +be a model, are you? Why, I'd rather see her dead than have her do +anything so shameful--" + +"Kate, keep quiet. You do not know what you are talking about." Miss +Draper's voice was low and calm, but it quieted her older sister +immediately. + +"I take it you do not mean--figure posing." She hesitated before the +word ever so slightly. + +"Oh, no, nothing of the kind," I hastened to reassure her. "It's the +ability to wear clothes well with a certain air, that he especially +wants." + +"And what do you mean by an opportunity to go on with my studies?" + +The girl was really superb as she faced Dicky. With the prospect of +more money than I knew she had ever had before, she yet could stand +and bargain for the thing which to her was far more than money. + +"Show me some of your drawings," Dicky spoke abruptly. + +She went swiftly upstairs, returning in a moment with two large +portfolios. These she spread out before Dicky on the table, and he +examined the drawings very carefully. + +I felt very much alone; out of it. For all Dicky noticed, I might not +have been there. + +"Not bad at all," was Dicky's verdict. "Indeed, some of them are +distinctly good. Now I'll tell you what I will do," he said, turning +to Miss Draper. "Until you find out what time you can give to an art +school, I will give you what little help I can in your work. If you +can be quiet, and I think you can, you may work in my studio at odd +times, when you are not posing. What do you think of it?" + +"Think of it?" Miss Draper drew a long breath. "I accept your offer +gladly. When shall I begin?" + +"I will drop you a postal, notifying you a day or two ahead of time," +he returned. + +We went out of the house and down the path to the gate before Dicky +spoke. + +"That was awfully decent of you, Madge, to square things with Mrs. +Gorman like that. I appreciate it, I assure you." + +"It was nothing," I said dispiritedly. I felt suddenly tired and old. +"But I wish you would do something for me, Dicky." + +"Name it, and it is yours," Dicky spoke grandiloquently. + +"Take me home. We can see the harbor another time. I really feel too +tired to do any more today." + +Dicky opened his mouth, evidently to remind me that my fatigue was of +sudden development, but closed it again, and turned in silence toward +the railroad station. + +We had a silent journey back. Neither Dicky nor I spoke, except to +exchange the veriest commonplaces. We reached home about 5 o'clock to +Katie's surprise. + +"I'll hurry, get dinner," she said, evidently much flurried. + +"We're not very hungry, Katie," I said. "Some cold meat and bread +and butter, those little potato cakes you make so nicely, some sliced +bananas for Mr. Graham and some coffee--that will be sufficient." + +For my own part I felt that I never wished to see or hear of food +again. The silent journey home, added to the events of the day, had +brought on one of my ugly morbid moods. + + + + +XI + +"I OWE YOU TOO MUCH" + + +"Bad news, Dicky?" + +We were seated at the breakfast table, Dicky and I, the morning after +our trip to Marvin, from which I had returned weary of body and sick +of mind. Tacitly we had avoided all discussion of Grace Draper, the +beautiful girl Dicky had discovered there and engaged as a model for +his drawings, promising to help her with her art studies. But because +of my feeling toward Dicky's plans breakfast had been a formal affair. + +Then had come a special delivery letter for Dicky. He had read it +twice, and was turning back for a third perusal when my query made him +raise his eyes. + +"In a way, yes," he said slowly. Then after a pause. "Read it." He +held out the letter. + +It was postmarked Detroit. The writing reminded me of my mother; it +was the hand of a woman of the older generation. + +I, too, read the letter twice before making any comment upon it. I +wondered if Dicky's second reading had been for the same purpose as +mine--to gain time to think. + +I was stunned by the letter. I had never contemplated the possibility +of Dicky's mother living with us, and here she was calmly inviting +herself to make her home with us. For years she had made her home with +her childless daughter and namesake, Harriet, whose husband was one of +the most brilliant surgeons of the middle West. + +I knew that Dicky's mother and sister had spoiled him terribly when +they all had a home together before Dicky's father died. The first +thought that came to me was that Dicky's whims alone were hard enough +to humor, but when I had both him and his mother to consider our home +life would hardly be worth the living. + +I knew and resented also the fact that Dicky's mother and sisters +disapproved of his marriage to me. In one of Dicky's careless +confidences I had gleaned that his mother's choice for him had been +made long ago, and that he had disappointed her by not marrying a +friend of his sister. + +I felt as if I were in a trap. To have to live and treat with +daughterly deference a woman who I knew so disliked me that she +refused to attend her son's wedding was unthinkable. + +"Well!" + +In Dicky's voice was a note of doubt as he held out his hand for his +mother's letter. I knew that he was anxiously awaiting my decision as +to the proposition it contained, and I hastened to reassure him. + +"Of course there is but one thing to be done," I said, trying hard to +make my tone cordial. + +"And that is?" Dicky looked at me curiously. Was it possible that he +did not understand my meaning? + +"Why, you must wire her at once to come to us. Be sure you tell her +that she will be most welcome." + +I felt a trifle ashamed that the welcoming words were such a sham from +my lips. Dicky's mother was distinctly not welcome as far as I was +concerned. But my thoughts flew swiftly back to my own little mother, +gone forever from me. Suppose she were the one who needed a home? How +would I like to have Dicky's secret thoughts about her welcome the +same as mine were now? + +"That's awfully good of you, Madge." Dicky's voice brought me back +from my reverie. "Of course I know you are not particularly keen about +her coming. That wouldn't be natural, but it's bully of you to pretend +just the same." + +I opened my mouth to protest, and then thought better of it. There was +no use trying to deceive Dicky. If he was satisfied with my attitude +toward his mother, that was all that was necessary. + +I poured myself another cup of coffee, when Dicky had gone to the +studio, drank it mechanically, and touched the bell for Katie to clear +away the breakfast things. + +I did not try to disguise to myself the fact that I was extremely +miserable. The day at Marvin, on which I had so counted, had been a +disappointment to me on account of the attention Dicky had paid to +Miss Draper. I reflected bitterly that I might just as well have +spent the afternoon with Mrs. Smith of the Lotus Club, discussing the +history course which she wished me to undertake for the club. + +The thought of Mrs. Smith reminded me of the promise I had made her +when leaving for Marvin that I would call her up on my return and tell +her when I could meet her. I resolved to telephone her at once. + +I felt a thrill of purely feminine triumph as I turned away from the +telephone. I knew that Mrs. Smith would have declined to see me if she +had consulted only her inclinations. That she still wished me to take +up the leadership of the study course gratified me exceedingly, and +made me thank my stars for the long years of study and teaching which +had given me something of a reputation in the work which the Lotus +Club wished me to undertake. + +But when we met at a little luncheon room, Mrs. Smith and I managed to +get through the preliminaries pleasantly. + +"Now as to compensation," she said briskly. "I am authorized to offer +you $20 per lecture. I know that it is not what you might get from an +older or richer club, but it is all we can offer." + +I was silent for a moment. I did not wish her to know how delighted I +was with the amount of money offered. + +"I think that will be satisfactory for this season, at least," I said +at last. + +"Very well, then. The first meeting, of course, will be merely an +introduction and an outlining of your plan of study, so I will not +need to trouble you again. If you will be at the clubrooms at half +after one the first day, I will meet you, and see that you get started +all right. Here comes our luncheon. Now I can eat in peace." + +Her whole manner said: "Now I am through with you." + +But I felt that I cared as little for her opinion of me as she +evidently did of mine for her. + +Twenty dollars a week was worth a little sacrifice. + +Lillian Underwood's raucous voice came to my ears as I rang the bell +of my little apartment. It stopped suddenly at the sound of the bell. +Dicky opened the door and Mrs. Underwood greeted me boisterously. + +"I came over to ask you to eat dinner with us Sunday," she said. "Then +we'll think up something to do in the afternoon and evening. We always +dine Sunday at 2 o'clock, a concession to that cook of mine. I'll +never get another like her, and if she only knew it I would have +Sunday dinner at 10 o'clock in the morning rather than lose her. I do +hope you can come." + +"There's nothing in the world to hinder as far as I know," said Dicky. + +"I am so sorry," I turned to Lillian as I spoke. My dismay was +genuine, for I knew how Dicky would view my answer. "But I could not +possibly come on Sunday. I have a dinner engagement for that day which +I cannot break." + +"A dinner engagement!" Dicky ejaculated at last. "Why, Madge, you must +be mistaken. We haven't any dinner engagement for that day." + +"You haven't any," I tried to speak as calmly as I could. "There is no +reason why you cannot accept Mrs. Underwood's invitation if you wish. +But do you remember the letter I received a week ago saying an old +friend of mine whom I had not seen for a year would reach the city +next Sunday and wished an engagement for dinner? There is no way in +which I can postpone or get out of the engagement, for there is no way +I can reach my friend before Sunday." + +I had purposely avoided using the words "he" or "him," hoping that +Dicky would not say anything to betray the identity of the "friend" +who was returning from the wilds. But I reckoned without Dicky. +Either he was so angry that he recklessly disregarded Mrs. Underwood's +presence or else his friendship with her was so close that it did not +matter to him whether or not she knew of our differences. + +"Oh, the gorilla with the mumps!" Dicky gave the short, scornful, +little laugh which I had learned to dread as one of the preliminaries +of a scene. "I had forgotten all about him. And so he really arrives +on Sunday, and you expect to welcome him. How very touching!" + +Dicky was fast working himself into a rage. Lillian Gale evidently +knew the signs as well as I did, for she hurriedly began to fasten her +cloak, which she had opened on account of the heat of the room. + +"I really must be going," she murmured, starting for the door, but +Dicky adroitly slipped between it and her. + +"Talk about your romance, Lil," he sneered, "what do you think about +this one for a best seller?" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I gasped, my cheeks scarlet with humiliation at this +scene before Mrs. Underwood, of all people. But Dicky paid no more +attention to me than if I had been the chair in which I was sitting. + +"Beautiful highbrow heroine," he went on, "has tearful parting with +gallant hero more noted for his size than his beauty. He's gone a +whole year. Heroine forgets him, marries another man. Now he +comes back, heroine has to meet him and break the news that she is +another's. Isn't it romantic?" + +Lillian looked at him steadily for a moment, as if she were debating +some course of action. Then she suddenly squared her shoulders, +and, advancing toward him, took him by the shoulders and shook him +slightly. + +"Look here, my Dicky-bird," she said, and her tones were like icicles. +"I didn't want to listen to this, and I beg your wife's pardon for +being here, but now that you've compelled me to listen to you, you're +going to hear me for a little while." + +Dicky looked at her open-mouthed, exactly like a small boy being +reproved by his mother. + +"You're getting to be about the limit with this temper of yours," she +began. "Of course I know you were as spoiled a lad as anybody could +be, but that's no reason now that you are a man why you should kick +up a rumpus any time something doesn't go just to suit your royal +highness." + +"See here, Lil!" Dicky began to speak wrathfully. + +"Shut up till I'm through talking," she admonished him roughly. + +If I had not been so angry and humiliated I could have laughed aloud +at the promptness with which Dicky closed his mouth. + +"You never gave me or the boys a taste of your rages simply because +you knew we wouldn't stand for them. I'll wager you anything you like +that Mrs. Graham never knew of your temper until after you had married +her. But now that you're safely married you think you can say anything +you like. Men are all like that." + +She spoke wearily, contemptuously, as if a sudden disagreeable memory +had come to her. She dropped her hands from his shoulders. + +"Of course, I've no right to butt in like this," she said, as if +recalled to herself. "I beg pardon of both of you. Good-by," and she +dashed for the door. + +But Dicky, with one of his quick changes from wrath to remorse, was +before her. + +"No you don't, my dear," he said, grasping her arm. "You know I +couldn't get angry with you no matter what you said. I owe you too +much. I know I have a beast of a temper, but you know, too, I'm over +it just as quickly. Look here." + +He flopped down on his knees in an exaggerated pose of humility, and +put up his hands first to me and then to Lillian. + +"See. I beg Madge's pardon. I beg Lillian's pardon, everybody's +pardon. Please don't kick me when I'm down." + +Lillian's face relaxed. She laughed indulgently. + +"Oh, I'll forgive you, but I imagine it will take more than that +to make your peace with your wife! It would if you were my husband. +'Phone me about Sunday. Perhaps Mrs. Graham can come over after dinner +and meet you there. Good-by." + +She hurried out to the door, this time without Dicky's stopping her. +Dicky came toward me. + +"If I say I am very, very sorry, Madge?" he said, smiling +apologetically at me. + +"Of course it's all right, Dicky," I forced myself to say. + +Curiously enough, after all, my resentment was more against Lillian +than against Dicky. Probably she meant well, but how dared she talk +to my husband as if he were her personal property, and what was it he +"owed her" that made him take such a raking over at her hands? + + + + +XII + +LOST AND FOUND + + +"Margaret!" + +"Jack!" + +It was, after all, a simple thing, this meeting with my cousin-brother +that I had so dreaded. Save for the fact that he took both my hands in +his, any observer of our meeting would have thought that it was but a +casual one, instead of being a reunion after a separation of a year. + +But this meeting upset me strangely. I seemed to have stepped back +years in my life. My marriage to Dicky, my life with him, my love for +him, seemed in some curious way to belong to some other woman, even +the permission to meet him in this way, which I had wrested from +Dicky, seemed a need of another. I was again Margaret Spencer, going +with my best friend to the restaurant where we had so often dined +together. + +And yet in some way I felt that things were not the same as they used +to be. Jack was the same kindly brother I had always known, and yet +there seemed in his manner a tinge of something different. I did not +know what. I only knew that I felt very nervous and unstrung. + +As I sank into the padded seat and began to remove my gloves I was +confronted by a new problem. + +My wedding ring, guarded by my engagement solitaire, was upon the +third finger of my left hand. Jack would be sure to see them if I kept +them on. + +I told myself fiercely that I did not wish Jack to know I was married +until after we had had this dinner together. With my experience of +Dicky's jealousy I had not much hope that Jack and I would ever dine +together in this fashion again. + +On the other hand, I had a strong aversion to removing my wedding ring +even for an hour or two. Besides being a silent falsehood, the act +would seem almost an omen of evil. I am not generally superstitious, +but something made me dread doing it. + +However, I had to choose quickly. I must either take off the rings or +tell Jack at once that I was married. I was not brave enough to do the +latter. + +Taking my silver mesh bag from my muff, I opened it under the table, +and, quickly stripping off my gloves, removed my rings, tucked them +into a corner of the bag and put gloves and bag back in my muff. Jack, +man-like, had noticed nothing. + +Now to keep the conversation in my own hands, so that Jack should +suspect nothing until we had dined. + +The waiter stood at attention with pencil pointed over his order card. +Jack was studying the menu card, and I was studying Jack. + +It was the first chance I had had to take a good look at this +cousin-brother of mine after his year's absence. Every time I had +attempted it I had met his eyes fixed upon me with an inscrutable look +that puzzled and embarrassed me. Now, however, he was occupied with +the menu card, and I stared openly at him. + +He had changed very little, I told myself. Of course he was terribly +browned by his year in the tropics, but otherwise he was the same +handsome, well-set-up chap I remembered so well. + +I knew Jack's favorite dish, fortunately. If he could sit down in +front of just the right kind of steak, thick, juicy, broiled just +right, he was happy. + +"How about a steak?" I inquired demurely. "I haven't had a good one in +ages." + +"I'm sure you're saying that to please me," Jack protested, "but I +haven't the heart to say so. You can imagine the food I've lived on in +South America. But you must order the rest of the meal." + +"Surely I will," I said, for I knew the things he liked. "Baked +potatoes, new asparagus, buttered beets, romaine salad, and we'll talk +about the dessert later." + +The waiter bowed and hurried away. "You're either clairvoyant, +Margaret or--" + +"Perhaps I, too, have a memory," I returned gayly, and then regretted +the speech as I saw the look that leaped into Jack's eyes. + +"I wish I was sure," he began impetuously, then he checked himself. "I +wonder whether we are too early for any music?" he finished lamely. + +"I am afraid so," I said. + +"It doesn't matter anyway. We want to talk, not to listen. I've got +something to tell you, my dear, that I've been thinking about all this +year I've been gone." + +I did not realize the impulse that made me stretch out my hand, lay it +upon his, and ask gently: + +"Please, Jack, don't tell me anything important until after dinner. I +feel rather upset anyway. Let's have one of our care-free dinners and +when we've finished we can talk." + +Jack gave me a long curious look under which I flushed hot. Then he +said brusquely, "All right, the weather and the price of flour, those +are good safe subjects, we'll stick to them." + +The dinner was perfect in every detail. Jack ate heartily, and +although I was too unstrung to eat much I managed to get enough down +to deceive him into thinking I was enjoying the meal also. + +The coffee and cheese dispatched, I leaned back and smiled at Jack. +"Now light your cigar," I commanded. + +"Not yet. We're going to talk a bit first, you and I." + +I felt that same little absurd thrill of apprehension. Jack was +changed in some way. I could not tell just now. He took my fingers in +his big, strong hand. + +"Look at me, Margaret." + +Jack's voice was low and tense. It held a masterful note I had never +heard. Without realizing that I did so, I obeyed him, and lifted my +eyes to his. + +What I read in them made me tremble. This was a new Jack facing +me across the table. The cousin-brother, my best friend since my +childhood, was gone. + +I did not admit to myself why, but I wished, oh! so earnestly, that +I had told Jack over the telephone of my marriage during his year's +absence in the South American wilderness, where he could neither send +nor receive letters. + +I must not wait another minute, I told myself. + +"Jack," I said brokenly, "there is something I want to tell you--I'm +afraid you will be angry, but please don't be, big brother, will you?" + +"There is something I'm going to tell you first," Jack smiled tenderly +at me, "and that is that this big brother stuff is done for, as far +as I'm concerned. In fact, I've been just faking the role for two or +three years back, because I knew you didn't care the way I wanted you +to. But this year out in the wilderness has made me realize just what +life would be to me without you. I've been kicking myself all over +South America that I didn't try to make you care. I've just about gone +through Gehenna, too, thinking you might fall in love with somebody +while I was gone. But I saw you didn't wear anybody's ring anyway, so +I said to myself, 'I'm not going to wait another minute to tell her I +love her, love her, love her.'" + +Jack's voice, pitched to a low key anyway, so that no one should be +able to hear what he was saying, sank almost to a whisper with the +last words. + +I sat stunned, helpless, grief-stricken. + +To think that I should be the one to bring sorrow to Jack, the +gentlest, kindest friend I had ever known! + +"Oh, Jack, don't!" I moaned, and then, to my horror, I began to cry. +I could not control my sobs, although I covered my face with my +handkerchief. + +"There, there, sweetheart, I'll have you out of this in a jiffy," Jack +was at my side, helping me to rise, getting me into my coat, shielding +me from the curious gaze of the other diners. + +"Here!" He threw a bill toward the waiter. "Pay my bill out of that, +get us a taxi quick, and keep the change. Hurry." + +"Yes, sir--thank you, sir." The waiter dashed ahead of us. As we +emerged from the door he was standing proudly by the open door of a +taxi. + +"Where to, sir?" The chauffeur touched his cap. + +"Anywhere. Central Park." Jack helped me in, sat down beside me, the +door slammed and the taxi rolled away. + +The only other time in my life Jack had seen me cry was when my mother +died. Then I had wept my grief out on his shoulder secure in the +knowledge of his brotherly love. As the taxi started, he slipped his +arm around me. + +"Whatever it is, dear, cry it out in my arms," he whispered. + +But at his touch I shuddered, and drew myself away. I was Dicky's +wife. This situation was intolerable. I must end it at once. With a +mighty effort, I controlled my sobs and, wiping my eyes, sat upright. + +"Dear, dear boy," I said. "Please forgive me. I never thought of this +or I would have told you over the telephone." + +"Told me what?" Jack's voice was harsh and quick. His arm dropped from +my wrist. + +There was no use wasting words in the telling. I took courage in both +hands. + +"I am married, Jack," I said faintly. "I have been married over a +month." + +"God!" The expletive seemed forced from his lips. I heard the name +uttered that way once before, when a man I knew had been told of his +child's death in an automobile accident. It made me realize as nothing +else could what Jack must be suffering. + +But he gave no other sign of having heard my words, simply sat erect, +with folded arms, gazing sternly into vacancy, while the taxi rolled +up Fifth avenue. + +Huddled miserably in my corner, I waited for him to speak. I had +summoned courage to tell him the truth, but I could not have spoken +to him again while his face held that frozen look. It frightened and +fascinated me at the same time. + +A queer little wonder crossed my mind. Suppose I had known of this a +year ago. Would I have married Jack, and never known Dicky? Would I +have been happier so? + +Then there rushed over me the realization that nothing in the +world mattered but Dicky. I wanted him, oh how I wanted him! Jack's +suffering, everything else, were but shadows. My love for my husband, +my need of him--these were the only real things. + +I turned to Jack wildly. + +"Oh, Jack, I must go home!" + +"Margaret." Jack's voice was so different from his usual one that I +started almost in fear. + +"Yes, Jack." + +"I don't want you to reproach yourself about this. I understand, dear. +The right man came along, and of course you couldn't wait for me to +come back to give my sanction." + +"Oh! Jack! I ought to have waited: I know it. You have been so good to +me" + +"I've been good to myself, being with you," he returned tenderly. "But +I almost wish you had told me over the telephone. You would never have +known how I felt, and it would have been better all around" + +He bent toward me, and crushed both my hands in his, looking into my +face with a gaze that was in itself a caress. + +"Now you must go home, little girl, back to--your--husband." The +words came slowly. + +"When shall I see you again, Jack?" I knew the answer even before it +came. + +"When you need me, dear girl, if you ever do," he replied. "I can't +be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever he may +be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But, wherever I am, a +note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, and, if +the impossible should happen and your husband ever fail you, remember, +Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +My tears were falling fast now. Jack laid his hand upon my shoulder. + +"Come, Margaret, you must control yourself," he said in his old +brotherly voice. "I want you to tell me your new name and address. I'm +never going to lose track of you, remember that. You won't see me, but +your big brother will be on the job just the same." + +I told him, and he wrote it carefully down in his note-book. Then he +looked at me fixedly. + +"You would better put your engagement and wedding rings back on," he +said. "Of course I realize now that you must have taken them off when +you removed your gloves in the restaurant, with the thought that you +did not want to spoil my dinner by telling me of your marriage. But +you must have them on when you meet your husband, you know." + +How like Jack, putting aside his own suffering to be sure of my +welfare. I put my hand in my muff, drew out my mesh bag and opened it. + +"Jack!" I gasped, horror-stricken, "my rings are gone!" + +"Impossible!" His face was white. He snatched my mesh bag from my +grasp. "Where did you put them? In here?" + +Jack turned the mesh bag inside out. A handkerchief, a small coin +purse, two or three bills of small denominations, an envelope with a +tiny powder puff--these were all. + +"Are you sure you put them in here?" + +"Yes." I could hardly articulate the word, I was so frightened. + +"Have you opened your bag since?" + +I thought a moment. Had I? Then a rush of remembrance came to me. + +"I took out a handkerchief when I cried in the restaurant." + +"You must have drawn them out then, and either dropped them there, +or they may have been caught in the handkerchief and dropped in the +taxi." We searched without success and Jack's face darkened as he +ordered the chauffeur to speed back to Broquin's. "We must hurry, +dear. This is awful. If you have lost those rings, your husband will +have a right to be angry." + +Neither of us spoke again until the taxi drew up in front of the +restaurant. Then Jack said almost curtly: + +"Wait here. I don't think it will be necessary for you to go inside, +and it might be embarrassing for you." + +He fairly ran up the steps and disappeared inside the door. + +So anxious was I to know what would be the result of his inquiry that +I leaned far forward in the machine, watching the door of Broquin's +for Jack's return. + +I did not realize my imprudence in doing this until I heard my name +called jovially. + +"Well! well, Mrs. Graham, I suppose you are on your way to our shack. +Won't you give me the pleasure of riding with you?" + +Hat in hand, black eyes dancing in malicious glee, I saw standing +before me, Harry Underwood, of all people! + +At that instant Jack came rushing out of the restaurant and up to the +taxi. + +"It's no use, Margaret. They can't find them anywhere." + +"Jack, I want you to meet Mr. Underwood, a friend of my husband's," I +said hastily, hoping to save the situation. "Mr. Underwood, my cousin, +Mr. Bickett." + +The two men shook hands perfunctorily. + +"Glad to meet you, Mr. Bickett," Harry Underwood said, in his effusive +manner. "Have you lost anything valuable? Can I help in any way?" + +"Nothing of any consequence," I interrupted desperately. + +"Oh, yes, I see, nothing of any consequence," he replied meaningly. +His eyes were fixed upon my ungloved left hand, which showed only too +plainly the absence of my rings. + +"But don't worry," he continued. "Your Uncle Dudley is first cousin to +an oyster. Wish you luck. So long," and lifting his hat he strolled on +up the avenue. + +Jack was consulting his note-book. I heard him give the address of my +apartment to the driver. "Drive slowly," he added. + +"Who was that man?" he demanded sternly. "He is no one you ought to +know." + +"I know, Jack," I said faintly. "I dislike him, I even dread him, but +he and his wife are old friends of Dicky's and I cannot avoid meeting +him." + +"He will make trouble for you some day," Jack returned. "I don't like +him, but there is nothing I can do to help you. I've messed things +enough now." + +"What shall I do, Jack?" I wailed. All my vaunted self-reliance was +gone. I felt like the most helpless perfect clinging vine in the +world. + +"We're going straight to your home to see your husband," he said. +"You will introduce me to him and then leave us. I shall explain +everything to him." + +"Oh, Jack," I said terrified, "he has such an uncertain temper, and, +besides, he isn't at home. He was to take dinner at the Underwoods at +2 o'clock." + +"Well, we must go there, then," returned Jack. "Put on your gloves, +then the absence of the rings won't be noticed until I have a chance +to explain about them." + +I picked up the gloves and unfolded them. Something glittering rolled +out of them and dropped into my lap. + +"Oh, Jack, my rings!" I fairly shrieked. Then for the first time in +my life I became hysterical, laughing and sobbing uncontrollably. + + * * * * * + +That night I told Dicky the whole story--not one word did I keep back +from him--and when I came to the loss of my rings and the meeting with +Harry Underwood, there developed a scene that I cannot even now bring +myself to put down on paper. But at last Dicky managed to control +himself enough to ask what I had told Harry Underwood. + +"I told him that my rings had not been lost, that my gloves were too +tight and that I had removed them to put on my gloves." + +"Good!" Dicky's voice held a note of relenting. "That's one thing +saved, any way. Wonder your conscience would let you tell that much of +a lie." + +His sneer aroused me. I had been speaking in a dreary monotone which +typified my feeling. Now I faced him, indignant. + +"See here, Dicky Graham, don't you imagine it would have been easier +for me to lie about all this? I didn't need to tell you anything. +Another thing I want you to understand plainly and that is my reason +for not telling Jack at first that I was married. + +"If I had had a real brother, you would have thought it perfectly +natural for me to have waited for his return before I married. Now, +no brother in the world could have been kinder to me than was Jack +Bickett. We were indebted to him for a thousand kindnesses, for +a lifetime of devotion. I never should have married without first +telling him about it. Do you wonder that realizing this I delayed +in every way the story of my marriage until I could find a suitable +opportunity? I give you my word of honor that I did not dream he +cared, and I expect you to believe me." + +I walked steadily toward the door of my bedroom. I had not reached +it, however, before Dicky clasped me in his arms, and I felt his hot +kisses on my face. + +"I'm seventeen kinds of a jealous brute, I know, sweetheart," he +whispered, "but the thought of that other man, who seems to mean so +much to you, drives me mad. I'm selfish, I know, but I'm mad about +you." + +I put my arms around his neck. "Don't you know, foolish Dicky," I +murmured, "that there's nobody else in the world for me but just you, +you, you?" + + + + +XIII + +"IF YOU AREN'T CROSS AND DISPLEASED" + + +Today my mother-in-law! + +That was my thought when I awoke on the morning of the day which was +to bring Dicky's mother to live with us. + +I am afraid if I set down my exact thoughts I should have to admit +that I had a distinct feeling of rebellion against the expected visit +of Dicky's mother. + +If it were only a visit! There was just the trouble. Then I could have +welcomed my mother-in-law, entertained her royally, kept at top pitch +all the time she was with us, guarded every word and action, and kept +from her knowledge the fact that Dicky and I often quarrelled. + +But Dicky's mother, as far as I could see, was to be a member of our +household for the rest of her life. She herself had arranged it in a +letter, the calm phrases of which still irritated me, as I recalled +them. She had taken me so absolutely for granted, as though my opinion +amounted to nothing, and only her wishes and those of her son counted. + +But suddenly my cheeks flamed with shame. After all, this woman who +was coming was my husband's mother, an old woman, frail, almost an +invalid. I made up my mind to put away from me all the disagreeable +features of her advent into my home, and to busy myself with plans for +her comfort and happiness. + +I hurried through my breakfast, for I wanted plenty of time for the +last preparations before Dicky's mother should arrive. Dicky had gone +to his studio for a while and then would go over to the station in +time to meet her train, which was due at 11:30. + +As I started to my room I heard the peal of the doorbell. + +"I will answer it, Katie," I called back, and went quickly to the +entrance. A special delivery postman stood there holding out a letter +to me. As I signed his slip, I saw that the handwriting upon the +letter was Jack's. + +What could have happened? I dreaded inexpressibly some calamity. + +Only something of the utmost importance, I knew, could have induced +my brother-cousin to write to me. He was too careful of my welfare +to excite Dicky's unreasoning jealousy by a letter, unless there was +desperate need for it. + +Finally, I sat down in an arm-chair by the window, and breaking the +seal, drew out the letter. + + "Dear Cousin Margaret: + + "I have decided, suddenly, to go across the pond and get in the big + mix-up. You perhaps remember that I have spoken to you frequently + of my friend, Paul Caillard who has been with me in many a bit of + ticklish work. He was with me in South America, and like me, heard of + the war for the first time when he got out of the wilderness. He is + a Frenchman, you know, and is going back to offer his services to the + engineering corps." + + "And I am going with him, Margaret. I think I can be of service over + there. Paul Caillard is the best friend I have. As you know you are + the only relative I have in the world, and you are happily and safely + married, so I feel that I am harming no one by my decision. + + "We sail tomorrow morning on the Saturn. It will be impossible for + me to come to your home before then. So this is good-by. When I come + back, if I come back, I want to meet your husband and see you in your + home. + + "And now I must speak of a little matter of which you are ignorant, + but of which you must be told before I go. Before your mother died, I + had made my will, leaving her everything I possessed, for you and she + were all the family I had ever known. After her death I changed her + name to yours. If anything should happen to me, my attorney, William + Faye, 149 Broadway, will attend to everything for you. He is also my + executor. + + "Most of what I have, would have come to you by law, anyway, Margaret, + for you are 'my nearest of kin'--isn't that the way the law puts it? + But you might have some unpleasantness from those Pennsylvania cousins + of ours, so I have protected you against such a contingency. + + "And now, Margaret, good-by and God bless you. + + "Your affectionate cousin, Jack." + +I finished the letter with a numb feeling at my heart. It seemed to me +as if one of the foundations of my life had given away. + +When Jack had left me after that miserable reunion dinner where he +had been hurt so cruelly by the news of my marriage during his year's +absence, he had said--ah, how well I remembered the words--"I shall +not see you again, dear girl, unless you need me, if you ever do. I +can't be near you without loving you and hating your husband, whoever +he may be, and that is a dangerous state of affairs. But wherever I +am, a note or a wire to the Hotel Alfred will be forwarded to me, +and if the impossible should happen, and your husband, ever fail you, +remember Jack is waiting, ready to do anything for you." + +I had not expected to see Jack for months, perhaps years, but the +knowledge of his faithfulness, of his nearness, had been of much +comfort to me. And now he was going away, probably to his death. + +The most bitter knowledge of all, was that which forced itself upon +my mind. Jack was going to the war because he was unhappy over my +marriage. He had not said so, of course, in the letter which he knew +my husband must read, but I knew it. The remembrance of his face, +his voice, when I told him of my marriage was enough. I did not need +written words to know that perhaps I was sending him to his death! + +I glanced at the clock--11:15. Only three-quarters of an hour till +the train which was bringing my mother-in-law to our home was due! She +would be in the house within three-quarters of an hour! Would I have +time to dress, go after the flowers and cream we needed for luncheon +and be back in time to welcome her? + +Common sense whispered to omit the flowers, and send Katie for the +cream. But one of my faults or virtues--I never have been able to +decide which--is the persistence with which I stick to a plan, once +I have decided upon it. I made up my mind to take a chance on getting +back in time. + +I made my purchases and on my way back I stepped into the corner drug +store and telephoned Jack. He would not hear of my seeing him sail, +and he would not promise to write me. Then there was a long silence. I +wondered what he was debating with himself. + +"I am going to let you in on a little secret," he said at last. "I +have provided myself with the means of knowing how you fare, and I +suppose I ought to let you have the same privilege. You know Mrs. +Stewart, who keeps the boarding house where you and your mother lived +so many years?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"Well, she and I are going to correspond. Now, understand, Margaret, +I am going to send no messages to you. I want none from you. Remember, +you are married. Your husband objects to your friendship with me. I +will do nothing underhand. But if anything happens to you I shall know +it through Mrs. Stewart, and she will always know where I am and what +I am doing." + +"That is some comfort," I returned earnestly. "What time does the +Saturn sail tomorrow?" + +"At 10 o'clock. But, Madge, you must not come." + +"I know," I returned meekly enough, although a daring plan was just +beginning to creep into my brain. "And I will say good-by now, Jack. +Good-by, dear boy, and good luck." + +My voice was trembling, and there was a tremor in the deep voice that +answered. + +"Good-by, dear little girl. God bless and keep you." The next moment I +was stumbling out of the booth with just one thought, to get home +and bathe my eyes and pull myself together before the arrival of my +mother-in-law. + +I was just outside the drug store, and had realized that I'd left +my purchases in the telephone booth, when I heard my name called +excitedly. + +From the window of a taxicab Dicky was gesturing wildly, while beside +him a stately woman sat with a bored look upon her face. + +My mother-in-law had arrived! + +"Madge! What under the heavens is the matter?" + +Dicky sprang out of the taxicab, which had drawn up before the door of +the drug store, and seized my arm. + +"Nothing is the matter," I said shortly. "I went out to get some cream +for Katie's pudding and some flowers. I stopped here in the drug store +to get some of my headache tablets, and left the flowers and cream. +Some dust blew in my eyes. I suppose that's what makes you think I +have been crying." + +"That's you, all over," Dicky grumbled. "Risk not being at home to +greet mother in order to have a few flowers stuck around. Here, come +on and meet mother, and I'll go in and get your flowers." He took my +arm and made a step toward the taxicab. + +"No, no," I said hastily. "I know exactly where I left them. I won't +be a minute." + +Luckily the flowers and cream were where I had left them. I detest the +idea of arranging any part of one's toilet in public, but I did not +want the critical eyes of Dicky's mother to see my reddened eyes, and +roughened hair, which had been slightly loosened in my hurry. + +There was a mirror near the telephone booth at the back of the store. +I took off my fur cap, smoothed back my hair and put on the cap again. +From my purse I took a tiny powder puff and removed the traces of +tears. Then I fairly snatched my parcels and hurried to the door. +Dicky was just entering the store as I reached it. His face was black. +I saw that he was in one of his rages. + +"Look here, Madge," he said, and he made no pretense of lowering his +voice, "do you think my mother enjoys sitting there in that taxicab +waiting for you? She was so fatigued by her journey that she didn't +even want to have her baggage looked after, something unusual for her. +That is the reason we got here so early. And now she is positively +faint for a cup of tea, and you are fiddling around here over a lot of +flowers." + +If he had made no reference to his mother's faintness, I should have +answered him spiritedly. But I remembered my own little mother, and +her longing when fatigued for a cup of hot tea. + +"I'm awfully sorry, Dicky," I said meekly. "You see you arrived before +I thought you would. I'll get the tea for her the moment we reach the +house." + +But Dicky was not mollified. He stalked moodily ahead of me until +he reached the open door of the taxicab. Then his manner underwent a +sudden change. One would have thought him the most devoted of husbands +to see him draw me forward. + +"Mother," he said, and my heart glowed even in its resentment at the +note of pride in his voice, "this is my wife. Madge, my mother." + +Mrs. Graham was leaning back against the cushions of the taxicab. If +she had not looked so white and ill I should have resented the look of +displeasure that rested upon her features. + +"How do you do?" she said coldly. "You must pardon me, I am afraid, for +not saying the usual things. I have been very much upset." + +The studied insolence of the apology was infinitely worse than the +coldness of her manner. I waited for a moment to control myself before +answering her. + +"I am afraid that you are really ill," I said as cordially as I could. +"I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, but I did not expect you +quite so soon, and I had some errands." + +"It doesn't matter," she said indifferently. Her manner put me aside +from her consideration as if I had been a child or a servant. She +turned to Dicky. + +"Are we almost there, dear?" + +The warmth of her tones to him, the love displayed in every +inflection, set out in more bitter contrast the coldness with which +she was treating me. + +"Right here now," as the taxi drew up to the door of the apartment +house. There was a peculiar inflection in Dicky's voice. I stole a +glance at him. He was gazing at his mother with a puzzled look. I +fancied I saw also a trace of displeasure. But it vanished in another +minute as he sprang to the ground, paid the driver and helped his +mother and me out. + +She leaned heavily on his arm as we went up the stairs to the third +floor upon which our apartment was. + +At the door, Katie, who evidently had heard the taxicab, stood smiling +broadly. + +"This is Katie, mother," Dicky said kindly. "She will help take care +of you." + +"How do you do, Katie?" The words were the same, but the tones were +much kinder than her greeting to me. + +Dicky assisted her into the living room. She sank into the armchair, +and Dicky took off her hat and loosened her cloak. She leaned her head +against the back of the chair, and her face looked so drawn and white +that I felt alarmed. + +"Katie, prepare a cup of strong tea immediately," I directed, and +Katie vanished. "Is there nothing I can do for you, Mrs. Graham?" I +approached her chair. + +"Nothing, thank you. You may save the maid the trouble of preparing +that tea if you will. I could not possibly drink it. I always carry my +own tea with me, and prepare it myself. If it is not too much trouble, +Dicky, will you get me a pot of hot water and some cream? I have +everything else here." + +I really felt sorry for Dicky. He caught the tension in the +atmosphere, and looked from his mother to me with a helpless +caught-between-two-fires-expression. With masculine obtuseness he put +his foot in it in his endeavor to remedy matters. + +"Why do you call my mother Mrs. Graham, Madge?" he said querulously. +"She is your mother now as well as mine, you know." + +"I am nothing of the kind." His mother spoke sharply. "Of all the +idiotic assumptions, that is the worst, that marriage makes close +relatives, and friends of total strangers. Your wife and I may learn +to love each other. Then there will be plenty of time for her to call +me mother. As it is, I am very glad she evidently feels as I do about +it. Now, Dicky, if you will kindly get me that hot water." + +"I will attend to it," I said decidedly "Dicky, take your mother to +her room and assist her with her things. I will have the hot water and +cream for her almost at once." + +In the shelter of the dining room, where neither Dicky nor his mother +nor Katie could see or hear me, I clenched my hands and spoke aloud. + +"Call _her_ mother! Give that ill-tempered, tyrannical old woman the +sacred name that means so much to me. _Never_ as long as I live!" + +Dicky met me at the door of the dining room and took the tray I +carried. It held my prettiest teapot filled with boiling water, a tiny +plate of salted crackers, together with cup, saucer, spoon and napkin. + +"Say, sweetheart," he whispered, "I want to tell you something. My +mother isn't always like this. She can be very sweet when she wants +to. But when things don't go to suit her she takes these awful icy +'dignity' tantrums, and you can't touch her with a ten-foot pole until +she gets over them. She was tired, from the journey, and the fact that +you kept her waiting in the taxicab made her furious. But she'll get +over it. Just be patient, won't you, darling?" + +If the average husband only realized how he could play upon his wife's +heart-strings with a few loving words I believe there would be less +marital unhappiness in the world. A few minutes before I had been +fiercely resentful against Dicky's mother. And my anger had reached +to Dicky, for I felt in some vague way that he must be responsible for +his mother's rudeness. + +But the knowledge that he, too, was used to her injustice and that he +resented it when directed against me made all the difference in the +world. I reached up my hand and patted his cheek. + +"Dear boy, nothing in the world matters, if _you_ aren't cross and +displeased." + + + + +XIV + +A QUARREL AND A CRISIS + + +"Can you give me a few minutes' time, Dicky? I have something to tell +you." + +Dicky put down the magazine with a bored air. "What is it?" he asked +shortly. + +Involuntarily my thoughts flew back to the exquisite courtesy which +had always been Dicky's in the days before we were married. There +had been such a delicate reverence in his every tone and action. I +wondered if marriage changed all men as it had changed my husband. + +I went to my room and brought the letter back to Dicky. He read it +through, and I saw his face grow blacker with each word. When he came +to the signature, he turned back to the beginning and read the epistle +through again. Then he crumpled it into a ball and threw it violently +across the room. + +"See here, my lady," he exploded. "I think it's about time we came to +a show-down over this business. When I found that first letter from +this lad, I asked you if he were a relative, and you said 'No.' Then +you hand me this touching screed with its 'nearest of kin' twaddle, +and speaking of leaving you a fortune. Now what's the answer?" + +"Oh, hardly a fortune, Dicky," I returned quietly. "Jack has only a +few thousand at the outside." + +I fear I was purposely provoking, but Dicky's sneering, insulting +manner roused every bit of spirit in me. + +"A few thousand you'll never touch as long as you are my wife," +stormed Dicky. "But you are evading my question." + +"Oh, no, I'm not," I said coolly. "That real relationship between Jack +and myself is so slight as to be practically nothing. He is the son of +a distant cousin of my mother's. Perhaps you remember that on the day +you made the scene about the letter you had just emphasized your very +close friendship for Mrs. Underwood in a fashion rather embarrassing +to me. I resolved that, to speak vulgarly, 'what was sauce for the +gander,' etc., and that I would put my friendship for Jack upon the +same basis as yours for Mrs. Underwood. So when you asked me whether +or not Jack was a relative I said 'No.'" + +"That makes this letter an insult both to you and to me," Dicky said +venomously, his face black with anger. + +I sprang to my feet, trembling with anger. + +"Be careful," I said icily. "You don't deserve an explanation, but you +shall have one, and that is the last word I shall ever speak to you +on the subject of Jack. His letter is the truth. I am his 'nearest +of kin,' save the cousins in Pennsylvania of whom he speaks. He was +orphaned in his babyhood and my mother's only sister legally adopted +him, and reared him as her own son. We were practically raised +together, for my mother and my aunt always lived near each other. Jack +was the only brother I ever knew. I the only sister he had. + +"When my aunt died she left him her little property with the +understanding that he would always look after my mother and myself. +He kept his promise royally. My mother and I owed him many, many +kindnesses. God forbid that I ever am given the opportunity to claim +Jack's property. But if he should be killed"--I choked upon the +word--"I shall take it and try to use it wisely, as he would have me +do." + +"Very touching, upon my word," sneered Dicky, "and very +interesting--if true." He almost spat the words out, he was so angry. + +"It does not matter to me in the least whether you believe it or not," +I returned frigidly. + +Dicky jumped up with an oath. "I know it doesn't matter to you. +Nothing is of any consequence to you but this"--he ripped out an +offensive epithet. "If he is so near and dear to you, it's a wonder +you don't want to go over and bid him a fond farewell." + +I was fighting to keep back the tears. As soon as I could control my +voice I spoke slowly: + +"The reason why I did not go is because I thought you might not like +it. God knows, I wanted to go." + +I walked steadily to my room, closed the door and locked it and fell +upon the bed, a sobbing heap. + +"Where are you going?" Dicky's voice was fairly a snarl as I faced him +a little later in my street costume. + +"I do not know," I replied truthfully and coldly. "I am going out +for the rest of the afternoon. Perhaps you will be able to control +yourself when I return." + +It was not the most tactful speech in the world. But I was past caring +whether Dicky were angry or pleased. I am not very quick to wrath, but +when it is once roused my anger is intense. + +"You know you are lying," he said loudly. "You are going to see this +precious-cousin-brother-lover, whichever he may be." + +My fear that Katie or his mother would hear him overcame the primitive +impulse I had to avenge the insolent words with a blow, as a man +would. + +"You will apologize for that language to me when I come back," I said +icily. "I do not know whether I shall go to bid Jack good-by or not. I +have no idea what I shall do, save that I must get away from here for +a little while. But if you have any sense of the ordinary decencies +of life you will lower your voice. I do not suppose you care to have +either your mother or Katie overhear this edifying conversation." + +"Much you care about what my mother thinks," Dicky rejoined, and this +time his voice was querulous, but decidedly lower. "Fine courteous +treatment you're giving her, leaving her like this when she has been +in the house but a couple of hours." + +"Your mother has shown such eagerness for my society that no doubt she +will be heartbroken if she awakens and finds that I am not here." + +"That's right, slam my mother. Why didn't you say in the first place +you couldn't bear to have her in the same house with you?" + +"Dicky, you are most unjust," I began hotly, and then stopped +horror-stricken. + +"What is the matter, my son?" The incisive voice of my mother-in-law +sounded from the door of her room. + +"Go back to bed, mother," Dicky said hastily. "I'm awfully sorry we +disturbed you." + +"Disturbing me doesn't matter," she said decidedly, "but what you were +saying does. I heard you mention me, and I naturally wish to know if I +am the subject of this very remarkable conversation." + +I know now where Dicky gets the sneering tone which sets me wild when +he directs it against me. His mother's inflection is exactly like her +son's. The contemptuous glance with which she swept me nerved me to +speak to her in a manner which I had never dreamed I would use toward +Dicky's mother. + +"Mrs. Graham," I said, raising my head and returning her stare with +a look equally cold and steady, "my husband"--I emphasized the words +slightly--"and I are discussing something which cannot possibly +concern you. You were not the subject of conversation, and your name +was brought in by accident. I hope you will be good enough to allow us +to finish our discussion." + +My mother-in-law evidently knows when to stop. She eyed me steadily +for a moment. + +"Dicky," she said at last, and her manner of sweeping me out of the +universe was superb, "in five minutes I wish to speak to you in my +room." + +"All right, mother." Dicky's tone was unsteady, and as his mother's +door closed behind her I prepared myself to face his increased anger. + +"How dared you to speak to my mother in that fashion?" he demanded +hoarsely. + +When I am most angry, a diabolically aggravating spirit seems to +possess me. I could feel it enmeshing me. + +"Please don't be melodramatic, Dicky," I said mockingly, "and if you +have quite finished, I will go." + +"No, you won't, at least not until I have told you something," he +snarled. + +He sprang to my side, and seized my shoulder in a cruel grip that made +me wince. + +"We'll just have this out once for all," he said. "If you go out of +this door you go out for good. I don't care for the role of complacent +husband." + +The insult left me deadly cold. I knew, of course, that Dicky was +so blinded by rage and jealousy that he had no idea of what he was +saying. But ungovernable as I knew his temper to be, he had passed the +limits of my forebearance. + +"I will answer that speech in 10 minutes," I said and walked into my +room again. + +For I had come to a decision as startling as it was sudden. I hastily +threw some most necessary things into a bag. Then I put a ten-dollar +bill of the housekeeping money into my purse, resolving to send +it back to Dicky as soon as I could get access to my own tiny bank +account, the remnant of my teaching savings. Into a parcel I placed +the rest of the housekeeping money, my wedding and engagement rings +and the lavalliere which Dicky had given me as a wedding present. I +put them in the back of the top drawer of my dressing table, for I +knew if I handed them to Dicky in his present frame of mind he would +destroy them. Then I walked steadily into the living room, bag in +hand. + +Dicky was nowhere to be seen, but I heard the murmur of voices in his +mother's room. I went to the door and knocked. Dicky threw it open, +his face still showing the marks of his anger. + +"You will find the housekeeping money in the top drawer of my dressing +table," I said calmly. "I will send you my address as soon as I have +one, and you will please have Katie pack up my things and send them to +me." + +I turned and went swiftly to the door. As I closed it after me, I +thought I heard Dicky cry out hoarsely. But I did not stop. + + + + +XV + +"BUT I LOVE YOU" + + +With my bag in my hand, I fairly fled down the stairs which led from +our third floor apartment to the street. I had no idea where I was +going or what I was going to do. Only one idea possessed me--to put +as much space as possible between me and the apartment which held my +husband and his mother. + +Reaching the street, I started to walk along it briskly. But, +trembling as I was from the humiliating scene I had just gone through, +I saw that I could not walk indefinitely, and that I must get to some +place at once where I could be alone and think. + +"Taxi, ma'am?" + +A taxi whose driver evidently had been watching me in the hope of a +fare rolled up beside me. + +I dived into it gratefully. At least in its shelter I would be alone +and safe from observation for a few minutes, long enough for me to +decide what to do next. + +"Where to, ma'am?" + +I searched my memory wildly for a moment. Where to, indeed! But the +chauffeur waited. + +"Brooklyn Bridge," I said desperately. + +"Very well, ma'am," and in another minute we were speeding swiftly +southward. + +As I cowered against the cushions of the taxi, with burning cheeks and +crushed spirit, I realized that my marriage with Dicky was not a yoke +that I could wear or not as I pleased. It was still on my shoulders, +heavy just now, but a burden that I realized I loved and could not +live without. + +And I had thought to end it all when I dashed out of the apartment! + +I knew that I could have done nothing else but walk out after Dicky +uttered his humiliating ultimatum. But I also knew Dicky well enough +to realize that when he came to himself he would regret what he had +done and try to find me. I must make it an easy task for him. + +So I decided my destination quickly. I would go to my old boarding +place, where my mother and I had lived and where I had first met +Dicky. My kindly old landlady, Mrs. Stewart, was one of my best +friends. Without telling too broad a falsehood, I could make her +believe I had come to spend the night with her. The next day, I hoped, +would solve its own problems. + +"This is the bridge entrance, ma'am." The chauffeur's voice broke my +revery. I had made my decision just in time. + +How fortunate it was that I had chosen the Brooklyn Bridge +destination! I had only to walk up the stairs to the elevated train +that took me within three squares of Mrs. Stewart's home. + +"Bless your heart, child, but I am glad to see you!" was Mrs. +Stewart's hearty greeting. Then she glanced at my bag. I hastened to +explain. + +"Mr. Graham's mother is with us, so I haven't any scruples about +leaving him alone," I said lightly. "It's so far over here I thought +I would stay the night with you, so that we could have the good long +visit I promised you when I was here last." + +"That's splendid," she agreed heartily, "and I'll wager you can't +guess who's here." + +My prophetic soul told me the answer even before I saw the tall figure +emerge from an immense easy chair which had effectually concealed him. + +I was to bid Jack good-by after all. + +Mrs. Stewart closed the door behind her softly as Jack came over to my +side. + +"What is the matter, Margaret?" he said tensely. + +"Nothing at all." I told the falsehood gallantly, but it did not +convince Jack. + +"You can't make me believe that, Margaret," he said gravely. "I know +you too well. Tell me, have you quarrelled with your husband?" + +Jack has played the elder brother role to me for so long that the +habit of obedience to him is second nature to me. + +"Yes," I said faintly. + +"Over me?" The question was quick and sharp. + +I nodded. + +"You showed him my letter? Of course, I wished you to do so." + +"Yes." + +"How serious is the quarrel? I see you have a bag with you." + +"It depends upon my husband's attitude how serious it is," I replied. +"He made an issue of my not doing something which I felt I must +do. Then he lost his temper and said things which if they are to be +repeated, will keep me away forever!" + +I saw Jack's fists clench, and into his eyes there flashed a queer +light. I knew what it was. Before he knew I was married he had told me +of his long secret love for me. That he was fighting the temptation to +let the breach between Dicky and me widen, I knew as well as if he had +told me. + +Another moment, however, and he was master of himself again. + +"Sit down," he commanded tersely, and when I had obeyed he drew a +chair close to my side. + +"My poor child," he said tenderly, "I know nothing about your husband, +so I cannot judge this quarrel. But I am afraid in this marriage game +you will learn that there must be a lot of giving up on both sides. +Now I know you to be absolutely truthful. Tell me, is there any +possibility that the overtures for a reconciliation ought to come from +you?" + +"He told me that if I went out of the door, I must go out of it for +good," I said hotly, and could have bitten my tongue out for the words +the next moment. + +Jack drew a long breath. + +"Did he think you were going to see me?" + +"I believe he had that idea, yes." + +"Is he the sort of a man who always says what he means or does he +say outrageous things when he is angry that he does not mean in the +least?" + +"He has a most ungovernable temper, but he gets over the attacks +quickly, and I know he doesn't mean all he says." + +"That settles it." Jack sprang up, and going to a stand in the corner +took his hat and coat and stick. + +"What are you going to do, Jack?" I gasped. + +"I am going to find your husband and send him after you," he said +sternly. + +"Jack, you mustn't," I said wildly. + +"But I must," he returned firmly. "You have quarrelled over me. I +could not cross the water leaving you in an unsettled condition like +this." + +He came swiftly to my side, and took my hands firmly in his. + +"Margaret, remember this, if I die or live, all I am and all I have is +at your service. If I die there will be enough, thank heaven, to make +you independent of any one. If I live--" + +He hesitated for a long moment, then stooped closer to me. + +"This may be a caddish thing to do, but it is borne in upon me that +I ought to tell you this before I go. I hope the settling of this +quarrel will be the beginning of a happier life for you. But if +things should ever get really unbearable in your life, bad enough for +divorce, I mean, remember that the dearest wish of my life would be +fulfilled if I could call you wife. Good-by, Margaret. God bless and +keep you." + +I felt the touch of his lips against my hair. + +Then he released me and went quickly out of the room. + +It was hard work for me to obey Mrs. Stewart's command to eat the +supper that she soon brought me on a tray. Every nerve was tense in +anticipation of the meeting between Dicky and Jack, which I could not +avoid, and which I so dreaded. What was happening at my home while I +sat here, my hands tied by my own foolish act? + +I did not realize that Mrs. Stewart's suspense was also intense until +the door bell rang and she ran to answer it. + +I stole to the door and noiselessly opened it just enough to be able +to hear the voices in the lower hall. I heard the hall door open and +then a sound of a voice that sent me back to my chair breathless with +terrified happiness. + +Dicky had arrived! + +He ran up the stairs, two steps at a time, and knocked at the door of +the room in which I sat. + +"Come in," I said faintly. + +I felt as if my feet were shod with lead. Much as I loved him, great +as was my joy at seeing him, I could no more have stirred from where I +was sitting than I could have taken wings and flown to him. + +There was no need for my moving, however. Dicky has the most +abominable temper of any person I know, but he is as royal in his +repentance as in his rages. + +He crossed the room at almost a bound, his eyes shining, his face +aglow, his whole handsome figure vibrant with life and love. + +"Sweetheart! sweetheart!" he murmured, as he folded me in his arms," +will you forgive your bad boy this once more? I have been a jealous, +insulting brute, but I swear to you--" + +I put up my hand and covered his lips. I had heard him say something +like this too many times before to have much faith in his oath. +Besides, there is something within me that makes me abhor anything +which savors of a scene. Dicky was mine again, my old, impulsive, +kingly lover. I wanted no promises which I knew would be made only to +be broken. + +It was a long time before either of us spoke again, and then Dicky +drew a deep breath. + +"I have a confession to make about your cousin, Madge," he began, +carefully avoiding my eyes, "and I might as well get it over with +before we go home. Mother's probably asleep, but she might wake up, +and then there would be no chance for any talk by ourselves." + +"Don't tell me anything unless you wish to do so, Dicky," I replied +gently. "I am content to leave things just as they are without +question." + +"No," Dicky said stubbornly, "it's due you and it's due your cousin +that I tell you this. I don't often make a bally ass of myself, but +when I do I am about as willing a person to eat dirt about it as you +can find." + +I never shall get used to Dicky's expressions. The language in which +he couched his repentance seemed so uncouth to me that I mentally +shivered. Outwardly I made no sign, however. + +"When he came to the apartment," Dicky went on, "I was just about as +nearly insane as a man could be. I had no idea where you had gone and +I had just had the devil's own time with my mother and Katie over your +sudden departure." + +"What did your mother say to all this?" + +I asked the question timorously. + +Dicky laughed. "Well! of course she didn't go into raptures over +the affair," he said, "but I think she learned a lesson. At least I +endeavored to help her learn one. I read the riot act to her after you +left." + +"Oh! Dicky!" I protested, "that was hardly fair?" + +"I know it," he admitted shamefacedly. "I am afraid I did rather take +it out on the mater when I found you had really gone. But she deserved +a good deal of it. You have done everything in your power to make +things pleasant for her since she came, and she has treated you about +as shabbily as was possible." + +"Oh! not that bad, Dicky," I protested again, but I knew in my heart +that what he said was true. His mother had treated me most unfairly. +I could not help a little malicious thrill of pleasure that he had +finally resented it for me. + +"Just that bad, little Miss Forgiveness," Dicky returned, smiling at +me tenderly. + +My heart leaped at the words. When Dicky is in good humor he coins all +sorts of tender names for me. I knew that to Dicky our quarrel was as +if it had never happened. + +"I'll give you a pointer about mother, Madge," Dicky went on. "When +you see her, act as if nothing had happened at all, it's the only +way to manage her. She can be most charming when she wants to be, +but every once in a while she takes one of those silent tantrums, and +there is no living with her until she gets over it." + +I didn't make any comment on this speech, fearing to say the wrong +thing. + +"But I didn't start to tell you about Katie." Dicky switched the +subject determinedly. "I might as well get it off my chest. When your +cousin came in and introduced himself the first thing I did was to +attempt to strike him." + +"Oh, Dicky, Dicky," I moaned, horrified, "what did he do?" + +Dicky's lips twisted grimly. + +"Just put out his hand and caught my arm, saying with that calm and +quiet voice of his: + +"'I shall not return any blow you may give me, Mr. Graham, so please +do not do anything you will regret when you recover yourself!' + +"I realized his strength of body and the grip he had on my arm and +even my half-crazed brain recognized the power of his spirit. I came +to, apologized, and we had a long talk that made me realize what a +thundering good fellow he must be. + +"I don't see why you never fell in love with him," Dicky continued. +"He's a better man than I am," he paraphrased half wistfully. + +"But I love YOU," I whispered. + +Across Dicky's face there fell a shadow. I realized that thoughtlessly +I had wounded him. + + + + +XVI + +INTERRUPTED SIGHT-SEEING + + +"Margaret!" My mother-in-law's tone was almost tragic. "Richard has +gone off with my trunk checks." + +"Why, of course, he has," I returned, wondering a little at her +anxious tone. "I suppose he expects to give them to an expressman and +have the trunks brought up this morning." + +"Richard never remembered anything in his life," said his mother +tartly. "Those trunks ought to be here before I leave for the day." + +"Oh, I don't think it would be possible for them to arrive here before +we have to start, even if Dicky gives them to an expressman right +away, as I am sure he will do." + +It seemed queer to be defending Dicky to his mother, but I felt a +curious little thrill of resentment that she should criticise him. +I sometimes may judge Dicky harshly myself, but I don't care to hear +criticism of him from any other lips, even those of his mother. + +"Richard will carry those checks in his pocket until he comes home +again, if he is lucky enough not to lose them," said his mother +decidedly. "I wish you would telephone him at his studio and remind +him that they must be looked after." + +Obediently I went to the telephone. I knew Dicky had had plenty +of time to get to the studio, as it was but a short walk from our +apartment. + +"Madison Square 3694," I said in answer to Central's request for +"number." + +When the answer came I almost dropped the receiver in my surprise. It +was not Dicky's voice that came to my ears, but that of a stranger, a +woman's voice, rich and musical. + +"Yes?" with a rising inflection, "this is Mr. Graham's studio. He has +not yet reached here. What message shall I give him, please, when he +comes in?" + +"Please ask him to call up his home." Then I hung up the receiver and +turned from the telephone, putting down my agitation with a firm hand +until I could be alone. + +"Dicky has not yet reached the studio," I said to his mother calmly. +"I think very probably he has gone first to see an expressman about +your trunks. If you will pardon me I have a few things to attend to +before we start on our trip. Is there anything I can do for you?" + +"No, thank you." Mrs. Graham's tone was still the cold, courteous one +that she used in addressing me. "I suppose I can ring for Katie when I +am ready to have my dress fastened?" + +"Oh! by all means," I returned. I thought bitterly of the little +services I used to perform for my own mother. How gladly I would +anticipate the wants of Dicky's mother if she would only show me +affection instead of the ill-concealed aversion with which she +regarded me. + +My mother-in-law went into her room, and I, walking swiftly to mine, +closed and locked the door behind me. I threw myself face downward on +the bed, my favorite posture when I wished to think things out. + +The voice of the woman at the studio haunted me. It was strange, but +familiar, and I could not remember where I had heard it. + +What was a woman doing in Dicky's studio at this time in the morning, +anyway? I knew that Dicky employed feminine models, but I also knew +that he always made it a point to be at the studio before the model +was due to arrive. + +"I suppose I am an awful crank," he had laughed once, "but no models +rummaging among my things for mine." + +I knew that Dicky employed no secretary, or at least he had told me +that he did not I had heard him laughingly promise himself that when +his income reached $10,000 a year he would hire one. + +All at once the solution to the mystery dawned upon me. The rich, +musical voice belonged to Grace Draper, the beautiful girl whom Dicky +had seen first on a train on our memorable trip to Marvin. + +Why hadn't Dicky told me that she was at the studio? The question +rankled in the back of my brain. + +That was not my main concern, however. What swept me with a sudden +primitive emotion, which I know must be jealousy, was the picture +of that beautiful face, that wonderful figure in daily close +companionship with my husband. + +Suppose she should fall in love with Dicky! To my mind I did not +see how any woman could help it. Would she have any scruples about +endeavoring to win Dicky's love from me? + +My common sense told me that this was the veriest nonsense. But I +could no more help my feelings than I could control the shape of my +nose. + +The ring of the telephone bell put a temporary end to my speculations. +I pulled myself together in order to talk calmly to Dicky, for I knew +it must be he who was calling. + +"Madge, is this you? Whatever has happened?" + +"Nothing is the matter," I said quickly, "but you have your mother's +trunk checks, and she is anxious about them." + +"By Jove!" Dicky's voice was full of consternation. "I forgot +everything about those trunk checks until this minute. I should +have attended to them yesterday, but"--he hesitated, then finished +lamely--"I didn't have time." + +I felt my face flush as though Dicky could see me. The reason why +he did not have time to see to his mother's trunks on the day of her +arrival, touched a subject any allusion to which would always bring a +flush to my face. + +I was still too shaken with the varying emotions I had experienced the +day before to bear well any reference to them, no matter how casual. +Fortunately, Dicky was too much taken up with his own remissness to +notice my silence. + +"I'll go out this minute and attend to them," he said. "Try to keep +the mater's mind diverted from them if you can. Better get her away on +your sight-seeing trip as soon as possible." + +Having thus shifted his responsibilities to my shoulders, Dicky +blithely hung up the receiver. I turned to his mother. + +"Well!" she demanded. + +"He is going out now to attend to the trunks," I said. + +"There! I knew he had forgotten them," she exclaimed, with a little +malicious feminine triumph running through her tones. "When will they +be here?" + +"Not before noon at the earliest," I repeated Dicky's words in as +matter-of-fact way as possible. "Probably not until 2 or 3 o'clock in +the afternoon. We might as well start on our trip. Katie is perfectly +capable of attending to them." + +Then she said, "How soon will you be ready?" + +"I am afraid it will be half an hour before I can start," I said +apologetically. + +"That will be all right," my mother-in-law returned good humoredly. +She was evidently much pleased at the prospect of the trip. + +"It's wonderful! Wonderful!" she said as the full view of New York +harbor burst upon our eyes when we came out of the subway and rounded +the Barge office into Battery Park. + +"Wait a moment. I want to fill my soul with it." + +I felt my heart warm toward her. I have always loved the harbor. Many +treasured hours have I spent watching it from the sea wall or from +the deck of one of the Staten Island ferries. To me it is like a +loved friend. I enjoy hearing its praises, I shrink from hearing it +criticised. Mrs. Graham's hearty admiration made me feel more kindly +toward her than I had yet done. + +Neither of us spoke again for several minutes. My gaze followed my +mother-in-law's as she turned from one marvel of the view to another. + +At last she turned to me, her face softened. "I am ready to go on +now," she said. "I have always loved the remembrance of this harbor +since I first saw it years ago." + +We walked slowly on toward the Aquarium, both of us watching the ships +as they came into the bay from the North river. The fussy, spluttering +little tugs, the heavily laden ferries, the lazy fishing boats, the +dredges and scows--even the least of them was made beautiful by its +setting of clear winter sun and sparkling water. + +"How few large ocean steamers there seem to be!" commented my +mother-in-law, as a large ocean-going vessel cast off its tug and +glided past us on its way out to sea. "I suppose it is on account of +the war," she continued indifferently. + +At this moment I heard a comment from a passing man that brought back +to me the misery of the day before. + +"I guess that's the Saturn," he said to his companion as they walked +near us. "She was due to sail this morning. Got a lot of French +reservists on board. Poor devils! Anybody getting into that hell over +there has about one chance in a million to get out again." + +Forgetful of my mother-in-law's presence, indeed, of everything else +in the world, I turned and gazed at the steamer making its way out to +sea. I knew that somewhere on its decks stood Jack, my brother-cousin, +the best friend my mother and I had ever known. When he had come back +from a year's absence to ask me to be his wife he had found that I +had married Dicky. Then he had announced his intention of joining the +French engineering corps. + +What had that man said just now? Not one chance in a million! I felt +as if it were my hand that was pushing him across the ocean to almost +certain death. + +When I could no longer see the Saturn as she churned her way out to +sea, I turned around quickly with a sense of guilt at having ignored +my mother-in-law's presence, and then a voice sounded in my ear. + +"You don't seem delighted to see me. I am surprised at you." + +Harry Underwood towered above me, his handsome face marred by the +little, leering smile he generally wears, his bold, laughing eyes +staring down into my horrified ones. + +I do not believe that ever a woman of a more superstitious time +dreaded the evil eye as I do the glance of Harry Underwood. + +How to answer him or what to do I did not know. He evidently had been +drinking enough to make himself irresponsible. + +He did not give me time to ponder long, however, "Who is your lady +friend," he burlesqued. "Introduce me." + +A man less audacious than Harry Underwood would have been daunted by +the picture my mother-in-law presented as he turned toward her. Her +figure was drawn up to its extreme height, and she was surveying him +through her lorgnette with an expression that held disgust mingled +with the curiosity an explorer might feel at meeting some strange +specimen of animal in his travels. + +"Mrs. Graham, this is Mr. Underwood," I managed to stammer. "Mr. +Underwood, Mrs. Graham, Dicky's mother." + +My mother-in-law may overawe ordinary people, but Harry Underwood +minded her disdain no more than he would have the contempt of a +stately Plymouth Rock hen. She had lowered the lorgnette as I spoke, +and he grabbed the hand which still held it, shaking it as warmly as +if it belonged to some long-lost friend. + +"Well! Well!" he said effusively. "But this is great. Dear old Dicky's +mother!" He stopped and fixed a speculating stare upon her. "You mean +his sister," he said reprovingly to me. "Don't tell me you mean his +mother. No, no, I can't believe that." + +He shook his head solemnly. Evidently he was much impressed with +himself. If I had not been so miserable I could have smiled at the +idea of Harry Underwood trying on the elder Mrs. Graham the silly +specious flatteries he addressed to most women. My mother-in-law did +not deign to answer him. Her manner was superb in its haughty reserve, +although I could not say much for her courtesy. As he released her +hand she let it drop quietly to her side and stood still, gazing at +him with a quiet, disdainful look that would have made almost any +other man wince. + +But it did not bother Harry Underwood in the least. He gave her a +shrewd appraising look and then turned to me with an air of dismissal +that was as complete as her ignoring of him. + +"Say!" he demanded, "aren't you a bit curious about what brought me +down here? You ought to be. The funniest thing in the world, my being +down here." + +His silly repetitions, his slurred enunciation, his slightly unsteady +figure made me realize with a quick horror that the man was more +intoxicated than I supposed. How to get away from him as quickly as +possible was the problem I faced. I decided to humor him as I would +any other insane person I dreaded. + +"I am never curious," I responded lightly. "I suppose, of course, that +you are here to visit the Aquarium, as we are. Good-by." + +"No you don't--goin' to take you and little lady here on nice ferry +trip," he announced genially. "Sorry, yacht's out of commission this +morning, but ferry will do very well." + +I have not much reason to like my mother-in-law, but I shall always +be grateful to her for the way she cut the Gordian knot of my +difficulties. + +"Young man, you are impertinent and intoxicated," she said haughtily. +"Please step aside." + +And taking me firmly by the arm my mother-in-law walked steadily with +me toward the door of the women's rest room. Her manner of conducting +me was much the same as the matron of a reformatory would use in +taking a charge from one place to another, but I was too relieved +to care. The leering face of Harry Underwood was no longer before my +eyes, and his befuddled words no longer jarred upon my ears. Those +were the only things that mattered to me for the moment. In my relief +I felt strong enough to brave the weight of my mother-in-law's anger, +which I was very sure was about to descend upon me. + + + + +XVII + +A DANGER AND A PROBLEM + + +Safe in the shelter of the Aquarium rest room my mother-in-law faced +me. Her eyes were cold and hard, her tones like ice, as she spoke. + +"Margaret! What is the meaning of this outrageous scene to which you +have just subjected me? Am I to understand that this man is typical of +your associates and friends? If so, I am indeed sorrier than ever that +my son was ever inveigled into marrying you." + +For the moment I had a primitive instinct to scream and to smash +things generally, a sort of Berserk rage. The insult left me deadly +cold. Fortunately we were alone in the room, but I lowered my voice +almost to a whisper as I replied to her: + +"Mrs. Graham," I said. "I never in my life knew there was a man like +Mr. Underwood until I married your son. He and his wife, Lillian Gale, +are your son's most intimate friends. He has almost forced me to meet +them time and again against my own inclinations. Of course, after +what you have just said, there can be no further question of our trip +together. If you will kindly wait here I will telephone your son to +come and get you at once." + +I started for the door, but a little gasping cry from my mother-in-law +stopped me. She was feebly beating the air with her hands, her eyes +were distended, and her cheeks and lips had the ashen color which I +had learned to associate with my own little mother's frequent attacks. + +Filled with remorse, I flew to her side and lowered her gently into an +arm chair which stood near. Snatching her handbag I opened it and +took out a little bottle of volatile salts which I knew she carried. +I pressed it into her hands, and then took out a tiny bottle of drops +with a familiar label. They were the same that my mother had used for +years. Taking a spoon which I also found in the bag, I measured the +drops, added a bit of water from the faucet in the adjoining room, +and gave them to her. As I came toward her I heard her murmuring to +herself: + +"Lillian Gale! Lillian Gale!" she was saying. "How blind I've been." + +Even in my anxiety for her condition I found time to wonder as to the +significance of her exclamations. Evidently the name of Lillian Gale +was familiar to her. From her tones also I knew that it was not a +welcome name. What was there in this past friendship of Dicky and +Mrs. Underwood to cause his mother so much emotion? I remembered the +comments I had heard at the theatre about my husband's friendship with +this woman. + +All my old doubts and misgivings which had been smothered by the very +real admiration I had felt for Lillian Gale's many good qualities +revived. What was the secret in the lives of these two? I felt that +for my own peace of mind I must know. + +The color was gradually coming back to my mother-in-law's face. I +stood by her chair, forgetting her insults, remembering nothing save +that she was old and a sick woman. + +"Is there anything I can get for you?" I asked as I saw the strained +look in her eyes die out. + +"Nothing, thank you," she said. Then to my surprise she reached up her +hand, took mine in hers, and pressed it feebly. I could not understand +her quick transition from bitter contempt to friendly warmth. +Evidently something in my words had startled her and had changed her +viewpoint. But I put speculation aside until some more opportune time. +The imperative thing for me was to minister to her needs, mentally and +physically. + +"How do you feel now?" I asked. + +"Much better, thank you," she replied. Then in a tone I had never +heard from her lips before: "Come here, my child." + +I could hardly credit my own ears. Surely those gentle words, that +soft tone, could not belong to my husband's mother, who, in the short +time she had been an inmate of our home, had lost no opportunity to +show her dislike for me, and her resentment that her son had married +me. + +But I obeyed her and came to her side. She put up her hand and took +mine, and I saw her proud old face work with emotion. + +"I was unjust to you a few moments ago, Margaret," she said, "and I +want to beg your pardon." + +If she had not been old, in feeble health and my husband's mother, I +would have considered the words scant reparation for the contemptuous +phrases with which she had scourged my spirit a few moments before. + +But I was sane enough to know that the simple "I beg your pardon" from +the lips of the elder Mrs. Graham was equivalent to a whole torrent of +apologies from any ordinary person. I knew my mother-in-law's type of +mind. To admit she was wrong, to ask for one's forgiveness, was to her +a most bitter thing. + +So I put aside from me every other feeling but consideration of the +proud old woman holding my hand, and said gently: + +"I can assure you that I cherish no resentment. Let us not speak of it +again." + +"I am afraid we shall have to speak of it, at least of the incident +which led me to say the things to you I did," she returned. I saw with +amazement that she was trying to conquer an emotion, the reason for +which I felt certain had something to do with her discovery that the +Underwoods were Dick's friends. + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she went on, "a very painful duty, +which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I beg +that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. It +is far better that you do not." + +I felt smothered, as if I were being swathed in folds upon folds +of black cloth. What could this mystery be, this secret in the past +friendship of my husband and Lillian Gale, the woman whom he had +introduced to me as his best friend, and into whose companionship +and that of her husband, Harry Underwood, he had thrown me as much as +possible. + +A hot anger rose within me. What right had anyone to deny knowledge +of such a secret, or to discourage me in any attempt to find out its +nature. I resolved to lose no time in probing the unworthy thing to +its depths. + +My mother-in-law's next words crystallized my determination. + +"I think I ought to see Richard at once," she said. "I am sorry to +give up our trip. I had quite counted upon seeing some of old New York +today, but I wish to lose no time in seeing him. Besides, I do not +think I am equal to further sightseeing." + +"It will be of no use for you to go home," I said smoothly, "for +Richard will not be there, and he has left the studio by now, I am +sure. He has an engagement with an art editor this afternoon. We may +not be able to look at the churches you wished to see, but you ought +to have some luncheon before we go home. I will call a cab and we will +go over to Fraunces's Tavern, one of the most interesting places in +New York. You know Washington said farewell to his officers in the +long room on the second floor." + +The first part of my sentence was a deliberate falsehood. I had no +reason to believe Dicky would not be at his studio all day, but I had +resolved that no one should speak to my husband on the subject of the +secret which his past and that of Lillian Gale shared until I had had +a chance to talk to him about it. + +I do not know when a simple problem has so perplexed me as did the +dilemma I faced while sitting opposite my mother-in-law at lunch in +Fraunces's Tavern. + +With the obstinacy of a spoiled child the elder Mrs. Graham was +persisting in sitting with her heavy coat on while she ate her +luncheon, although our table was next to the big, old fireplace, in +which a good fire was burning. Indeed, it was the table's location, +which she had selected herself, that was the cause of her obstinacy. +She had construed an innocent remark of mine into a slur upon her +choice, and had evidently decided to wear her coat to emphasize the +fact that in spite of the fire she was none too warm, and there she +had sat all through lunch with her heavy coat on. + +As I watched the beads of perspiration upon her forehead, and her +furtive dabbing at them with her handkerchief, I realized that +something must be done. I saw that she would soon be in a condition to +receive a chill, which might prove fatal. + +Suddenly her imperious voice broke into my thoughts. + +"Where is the Long Room of which you spoke? On the second floor?" + +"Yes. Would you like to see it?" + +"Very much." She rose from her chair, crossed the dining room into +the hall and ascended the staircase, and I followed her upward, noting +again, with a quick remorsefulness, her slow step, the way she leaned +upon the stair rail for support and her quickened breathing as she +neared the top. It was a little thing, after all, I told myself +sharply, to subordinate my individuality and cater to her whims. I +resolved to be more considerate of her in the future. But my native +caution made me make a reservation. I would yield to her wishes +whenever my self-respect would let me do so. I had a shrewd notion +that a person who would cater to every whim of my husband's mother +would be little better than a slave. + +She spent so much time over the old letters in Washington's +handwriting, the snuff boxes and keys and coins with which the cases +were filled that I was alarmed lest she should over-tire herself. But +I did not dare to venture the suggestion that she should postpone her +inspection until another time. + +But when I saw her shiver and draw her cloak more closely about her, I +resolved to brave her possible displeasure. + +"I am afraid you are taking cold," I said, going up to her. "Do you +think we had better leave the rest of these things for another visit?" + +Her face as she turned it toward me frightened me. It was gray and +drawn, and her whole figure was shaking as with the ague. + +"I am afraid I am going to be ill," she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +I put her in a chair and dashed down the stairs. + +"Please call a taxi for me at once, and bring some brandy or wine +upstairs," I said to the attendant. "My mother-in-law is ill." + +As the taxi hurried us homeward I became more and more alarmed at her +condition. Her very evident suffering now heightened my fears. + +"Are we nearly there?" she said faintly. "I am so cold." + +"Only a few blocks more." I tried to speak reassuringly. Then I +ventured on something which I had wanted to do ever since we left the +tavern, but which my mother-in-law's dislike of being aided in any way +had prevented. + +I slipped off my coat, and, turning toward her, wrapped it closely +around her shoulders, and took her in my arms as I would a child. To +my surprise she huddled closer to me, only protesting faintly: + +"You must not do that. You will take cold." + +"Nonsense," I replied. "I never take cold, and we are almost there." + +"I am so glad," she sighed, and leaned more heavily against me. + +As I felt her weight in my arms and realized that she was actually +clinging to me, actually depending upon me for help and comfort, I +felt my heart warm toward her. + +I have never worked faster in my life than when I helped my +mother-in-law undress before the blazing gas log, put her nightgown +and heavy bathrobe around her and immersed her feet in the foot bath +of hot mustard water which Katie had brought to me. + +As I worked over her I came to a decision. I would get her safe and +warm in bed, leave Katie within call, then slip out and telephone +Dicky from the neighboring drug store. I did not dare to send for a +physician against my mother-in-law's expressed prohibition. On the +other hand, I knew that Dicky would be very angry if I did not send +for one. + +The hot footbath and the steaming drink which I had given her when she +first came in, together with the warmth of the gas log seemed to make +my mother-in-law more comfortable. As I dried her feet and slipped +them into a pair of warm bedroom slippers she smiled down at me. + +"At least I am not cold now," she said. + +"Don't you think you had better come and lie down now?" I asked. + +"Yes, I think it would be better," she asserted, and with Katie and me +upon either side, she walked into her room and got into bed. + +I slipped the bedroom slippers off, put one hot water bag to her +feet and the other to her back, covered her up warmly and lowered the +shade. + +Her eyes closed immediately. I stood watching her breathing for two or +three minutes. It was heavier, I fancied than normal. As I went out +of the room I spoke in a low tone to Katie, directing her to watch her +till I returned. + +As I descended the stairs all the doubts of the morning rushed over +me. It was long after 2 o'clock, the hour when Dicky usually returned +to the studio. I had jumped at the conclusion that Dicky was lunching +with Grace Draper, the beautiful art student who was his model and +protege. + +It was not so much anger that I felt at Dicky's lunching with another +woman as fear. I faced the issue frankly. Grace Draper was much too +beautiful and attractive a girl to be thrown into daily intimate +companionship with any man. I felt in that moment that I hated her as +much as I feared her. I hoped that it would not be her voice which I +would hear over the 'phone. I felt that I could not bear to listen to +those deep, velvety tones of hers. + +But when I reached the drug store and entered the telephone booth, it +was her voice which answered my call of Dicky's number. + +"Yes, this is Mr. Graham's studio," she said smoothly. "No, Mr. Graham +is not here, he has not been here since 11 o'clock. Pardon me, is this +not Mrs. Graham to whom I am speaking?" + +"I am Mrs. Graham, yes," I replied, trying to put a little cordiality +into my voice. "You are Miss Draper, are you not?" + +"Yes," she replied. "Mr. Graham wished me to give you a message. He +was called away to a conference with one of the art editors about 11 +o'clock. He expected to lunch with him and said he might not be in the +studio until quite late this afternoon." + +"Have you any idea where he is lunching or where I could reach him?" I +asked sharply. + +"Why! no, Mrs. Graham, I have not. Is there anything wrong?" + +"His mother has been taken ill and I am very much worried about her. +If Mr. Graham comes in or telephones will you ask him to come home at +once, 'phoning me first if he will." + +"Of course I will attend to it. Is there anything else I can do?" + +"Nothing, thank you, you are very kind," I returned, and there was +genuine warmth in my voice this time. + +For the discovery that I had been mistaken in my idea of Dicky's +luncheon engagement made me so ashamed of myself that I had no more +rancor against my husband's beautiful protege. + +I laughed bitterly at my own silliness as I turned from the telephone. +While I had been tormenting myself for hours at the picture I had +drawn of Dicky and his beautiful model lunching vis-a-vis, Dicky had +been keeping a prosaic business engagement with a man, and his model +had probably lunched frugally and unromantically on a sandwich or two +brought from home. + + + + +XVIII + +"CALL ME MOTHER--IF YOU CAN" + + +"Will you kindly tell me who is the best physician here?" + +"Why--I--pardon me--" the drug store clerk stammered. "Wait a moment +and I'll inquire. I'm new here." + +"The boss says this chap's the best around here." He held out a +penciled card to me. "Dr. Pettit. Madison Square 4258." + +"Dr. Pettit!" I repeated to myself. "Why! that must be the physician +who came to the apartment the night of my chafing dish party, when the +baby across the hall was brought to us in a convulsion." + +A sudden swift remembrance came to me of the tact and firmness with +which the tall young physician had handled the difficult situation he +had found in our apartment. He was just the man, I decided, to handle +my refractory mother-in-law. So I called him up and he promised to +call as soon as his office hours were over. + +My feet traveled no faster than my thoughts as I hurried back to +my own apartment and the bedside of my mother-in-law. I dreaded +inexpressibly the conflict I foresaw when the autocratic old woman +should find out that I had sent for a physician against her wishes. + +As I entered the living room Katie rose from her seat at the door of +my mother-in-law's room. + +"She not move while you gone," she said. "She sleep all time, but I +'fraid she awful seeck, she breathe so hard." + +I went lightly into the bedroom and stood looking down upon the +austere old face against the pillow. It was a flushed old face now, +and the eyelids twitched as if there were pain somewhere in the body. +Her breathing, too, was more rapid and heavy than when I had left her, +or so I fancied. + +My inability to do anything for her depressed me. By slipping my hand +under the blankets I had ascertained that the hot water bags were +sufficiently warm. There was nothing more for me to do but to sit +quietly and watch her until the physician's arrival. + +I wanted to bring Dr. Pettit to her bedside before she should +awaken. Then I would let him deal with her obstinate refusal to see a +physician. But how I wished that Dicky would come home. + +As if I had rubbed Aladdin's lamp, I heard the hall door slam, and my +husband came rushing into the room. + +"What is the matter with mother?" Dicky demanded, his face and voice +filled with anxiety. + +I sprang to him and put my hand to his lips, for he had almost shouted +the words. + +"Hush! She is asleep," I whispered. "Don't waken her if you can help +it." + +"Why isn't there a doctor here?" he demanded fiercely. + +"Dr. Pettit will be here in a very few moments," I whispered rapidly. +"Your mother said she would not have a physician, but she appeared +so ill I did not dare to wait until your return to the studio. I +telephoned you, and when Miss Draper said she did not know where to +get you, I 'phoned to Dr. Pettit on my own authority." + +"You don't think mother is in any danger, do you, Madge?" + +"Why, I don't think I am a good judge of illness," I answered, +evasively, unwilling to hurt Dicky by the fear in my heart. "The +physician ought to be here any minute now, and then we will know." + +A sharp, imperative ring of the bell and Katie's entrance punctuated +my words. Dicky started toward the door as Katie opened it to admit +the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. + +"Ah, Dr. Pettit I believe we have met before," Dicky said easily. +"When Mrs. Graham spoke of you I did not remember that we had seen you +so recently. I am glad that we were able to get you." + +"Thank you," the physician returned gravely. "Where is the patient?" + +"In this room." Dicky turned toward the bedroom door, and Dr. Pettit +at once walked toward it. I mentally contrasted the two men as I +followed them to my mother-in-law's room. There was a charming ease +of manner about Dicky which the other man did not possess. He was, +in fact, almost awkward in his movements, and decidedly stiff in his +manner. But there was an appearance of latent strength in every +line of his figure, a suggestion of power and ability to cope with +emergencies. I had noticed it when he took charge of the baby in +convulsions who had been brought to my apartment by its nurse. I +marked it again as Dicky paused at the door of his mother's room. + +"I don't know how you will manage, doctor." He smiled deprecatingly. +"My mother positively refuses to see a physician, but we know she +needs one." + +"You are her nearest relative?" Dr. Pettit queried gravely, almost +formally. His question had almost the air of securing a legal right +for his entrance into the room. + +"Oh, yes." + +"Very well," and he stepped lightly to the side of the bed and stood +looking down upon the sick woman. + +He took out his watch, and I knew he was counting her respirations. +Then, with the same impersonal air, he turned to Dicky. + +"It will be necessary to rouse her. Will you awaken her, please? Do +not tell her I am here. Simply waken her." + +Dicky bent over his mother and took her hand. + +"Mother, what was it you wished me to get for you?" + +The elder Mrs. Graham opened her eyes languidly. + +"I told you quinine," she said impatiently. As she spoke, Dr. Pettit +reached past Dicky. His hand held a thermometer. + +"Put this in your mouth, please." His air was as casual as if he had +made daily visits to her for a fortnight. + +But the elder Mrs. Graham was not to be so easily routed. She scowled +up at him and half rose from her pillow. + +"I do not wish a physician. I forbade having one called. I am not ill +enough for a physician." + +Dr. Pettit put out his left hand and gently put her back again upon +her pillow. It was done so deftly that I do not think she realized +what he had done until she was again lying down. + +"You must not excite yourself," he said, still in the same grave, +impersonal tone, "and you are more ill than you think. It is +absolutely necessary that I get your temperature and examine your +lungs at once." + +As if the words had been a talisman of some sort, her opposition +dropped from her. Into her face came a frightened look. + +"Oh, doctor, you don't think I am going to have pneumonia, do you?" + +I was amazed at the cry. It was like that of a terrified child. Dr. +Pettit smiled down at her. + +"We hope not. We shall do our best to keep it away. But you must help +me. Put this in your mouth, please." + +My mother-in-law obeyed him docilely. But my heart sank as I watched +the physician's face. + +Suddenly she cried out, "Richard! Richard, if I am in danger of +pneumonia, as this doctor thinks, I want a trained nurse here at once, +one who has had experience in pneumonia cases. Margaret means +well, but threatened pneumonia with my heart needs more than good +intentions." + +"Of course, mother," Dicky acquiesced. "I was just about to suggest +one to Dr. Pettit." + +"But, doctor," Dicky said anxiously when we followed him into the +living room, "where are we to find a nurse?" + +"Fortunately," Dr. Pettit rejoined, "I have just learned that +absolutely the best nurse I know is free. Her name is Miss Katherine +Sonnot, and her skill and common sense are only equalled by her +exquisite tact. She is just the person to handle the case, and if you +will give me the use of your 'phone I think I can have her here within +an hour." + +"Of course," assented Dicky, and led the way to the telephone. + +I did not hear what the physician said at first, but as he closed the +conversation a note in his voice arrested my attention. + +"You are sure you are not too tired? Very well. I will see you here +tonight. Good-by." + +Woman-like, I thought I detected a romance. The tenderness in his +voice could mean but one thing, that he admired, perhaps loved the +woman he had praised so extravagantly. + +After he went away, promising to return in the evening, I busied +myself with the services to my mother-in-law he had asked me to +perform, and then sat down to wait for Miss Sonnot. Dicky wandered +in and out like a restless ghost until I wanted to shriek from very +nervousness. + +But the first glimpse of the slender girl who came quietly into the +room and announced herself as Miss Sonnot steadied me. She was a "slip +of a thing," as my mother would have dubbed her, with great, wistful +brown eyes that illumined her delicate face. But there was an air of +efficiency about her every movement that made you confident she would +succeed in anything she undertook. + +I have always been such a difficult, reserved sort of woman that I +have very few friends. I did not understand the impulse that made me +resolve to win this girl's friendship if I could. + +One thing I knew. The grave, sweet face, the steady eyes told me. One +could lay a loved one's life in those slim, capable hands and rest +assured that as far as human aid could go it would be safe. + +"Keep her quiet. Above all things, do not let her get excited over +anything." + +Miss Sonnot was giving me my parting instructions as to the care of my +sick mother-in-law before taking the sleep which she so sorely needed, +on the day that Dr. Pettit declared my mother-in-law had passed the +danger point. Thanks to her ministrations I had been able to sleep +dreamlessly for hours. Now refreshed and ready for anything, I had +prepared my room for her, and had accompanied her to it that I might +see her really resting. + +She was so tired that her eyes closed even as she gave me the +admonition. I drew the covers closer about her, raised the window a +trifle, drew down the shades, and left her. + +As I closed the door softly behind me, I heard the querulous voice of +the invalid: + +"Margaret! Margaret! Where are you?" + +As I bent over my husband's mother she smiled up at me. Her +illness had done more to bridge the chasm, between us than years of +companionship could have done. One cannot cherish bitterness toward +an old woman helplessly ill and dependent upon one. And I think in +her own peculiar way she realized that I was giving her all I had of +strength and good will. + +"What can I do for you?" I asked, returning her smile. + +"I want something to eat, and after that I want to have a talk with +Richard. Where is he?" + +"He is asleep," I answered mechanically. In a moment my thoughts had +flown back to the day my mother-in-law and I had met Harry Underwood +in trip Aquarium, and she had discovered he was Lillian Gale's +husband. + +What was it Dicky's mother had said that day in the Aquarium rest +room? + +"I have a duty to you to perform," she had declared, "a very painful +duty, which involves the reviving of an old controversy with my son. I +beg that you will not try to find out anything concerning its nature. +It is better far that you do not." + +She had wished to go home at once and talk to Dicky. I had persuaded +her to go first to Fraunces's Tavern for luncheon. There she had been +taken ill, and in the days that had intervened between that time and +the moment I leaned over her bedside she and we around her had +been fighting for her life. There had been no opportunity for a +confidential talk between mother and son. And I was determined that +there should be none yet. + +In the first place, she was in no condition to discuss any subject, +let alone one fraught with so many possibilities of excitement. In +the second place, I was determined that no one should discuss that old +secret with my husband before I had a chance to talk to him concerning +it. + +"Well, you needn't go to sleep just because Richard is." + +My mother-in-law's impatient voice brought me back to myself. I +apologized eagerly. + +I have never seen any one enjoy food as my mother-in-law did the +simple meal I had prepared for her. She ate every crumb, drank the +wine, and drained the pot of tea before she spoke. + +"How good that tasted!" she said gratefully as she finished, sinking +back against my shoulder. I had not only propped her up with pillows, +but had sat behind her as she ate, that she might have the support of +my body. + +"I think I can take a long nap now," she went on. "When I awake send +Richard to me." + +I laid her down gently, arranged her pillows, and drew up the covers +over her shoulders. She caught my hand and pressed it. + +"My own daughter could not have been kinder to me than you have been," +she said. + +"I am glad to have pleased you, Mrs. Graham," I returned. I suppose +my reply sounded stiff, but I could not forget the day she came to us, +and her contemptuous rejection of Dicky's proposal that I should call +her "Mother." + +She frowned slightly. "Forget what I said that day I came," she said +quickly. "Call me Mother, that is, if you can." + +For a moment I hesitated. The memory of her prejudice against me would +not down. Then I had an illuminative look into the narrowness of my +own soul. The sight did not please me. With a sudden resolve I bent +down and kissed the cheek of my husband's mother. + +"Of course, Mother," I said quietly. + +It must have been two hours at least that I sat watching the sick +woman. She left her hand in mine a long time, then, with a drowsy +smile, she drew it away, turned over with her face to the wall, and +fell into a restful sleep. I listened to her soft, regular breathing +until the sunlight faded and the room darkened. + +I must have dozed in my chair, for I did not hear Katie come in or +go to the kitchen. The first thing that aroused me was a voice that I +knew, the high-pitched tones of Lillian Gale Underwood. + +"I tell you, Dicky-bird, it won't do. She's got to know the truth." + +As Mrs. Underwood's shrill voice struck my ears, I sprang to my feet +in dismay. + +My first thought was of the sick woman over whom I was watching. Both +Dr. Pettit and the nurse, Miss Sonnot, had warned us that excitement +might be fatal to their patient. + +And the one thing in the world that might be counted on to excite my +mother-in-law was the presence of the woman whose voice I heard in +conversation with my husband. + +I rose noiselessly from my chair and went into the living room, +closing the door after me. Then with my finger lifted warningly for +silence I forced a smile of greeting to my lips as Lillian Underwood +saw me and came swiftly toward me. + +"Dicky's mother is asleep," I said in a low tone. "I am afraid I must +ask you to come into the kitchen, for she awakens so easily." + +Lillian nodded comprehendingly, but Dicky flushed guiltily as they +followed me into the kitchen. Katie had left a few minutes before to +run an errand for me. + +Dicky's voice interrupted the words Lillian was about to speak to me. +I hardly recognized it, hoarse, choked with feeling as it was. + +"Lillian," he said, "you shall not do this. There is no need for you +to bring all those old, horrible memories back. You have buried them +and have had a little peace. If Madge is the woman I take her for she +will be generous enough not to ask it, especially when I give her my +word of honor that there is nothing in my past or yours which could +concern her." + +"You have the usual masculine idea of what might concern a woman," +Lillian retorted tartly. + +But I answered the appeal I had heard in my husband's voice even more +than in his words. + +"You do not need to tell me anything, Mrs. Underwood," I said gently, +and at the words Dicky moved toward me quickly and put his arm around +me. + +I flinched at his touch. I could not help it. It was one thing to +summon courage to refuse the confidence for which every tortured nerve +was calling--it was another to bear the affectionate touch of the man +whose whole being I had just heard cry out in attempt to protect this +other woman. + +Dicky did not notice any shrinking, but Mrs. Underwood saw it. I +think sometimes nothing ever escapes her eyes. She came closer to me, +gravely, steadily. + +"You are very brave, Mrs. Graham, very kind, but it won't do. Dicky, +keep quiet." She turned to him authoritatively as he started to speak. +"You know how much use there is of trying to stop me when I make up my +mind to anything." + +She put one hand upon my shoulder. + +"Dear child," she said earnestly, "will you trust me till tomorrow? +I had thought that I must tell you right away, but your splendid +generous attitude makes it possible for me to ask you this. I can see +there is no place here where we can talk undisturbed. Besides, I must +take no chance of your mother-in-law's finding out that I am here. +Will you come to my apartment tomorrow morning any time after 10? +Harry will be gone by then, and we can have the place to ourselves." + +"I will be there at 10," I said gravely. I felt that her honesty and +directness called for an explicit answer, and I gave it to her. + +"Thank you." She smiled a little sadly, and then added: "Don't imagine +all sorts of impossible things. It isn't a very pretty story, but I am +beginning to hope that after you have heard it we may become very real +friends." + +Preposterous as her words seemed in the light of the things I had +heard from the lips of my husband's mother, they gave me a sudden +feeling of comfort. + + + + +XIX + +LILLIAN UNDERWOOD'S STORY + + +"Well, I suppose we might as well get it over with." + +Lillian Underwood and I sat in the big tapestried chairs on either +side of the glowing fire in her library. She had instructed Betty, +her maid, to bring her neither caller nor telephone message, until our +conference should be ended. The two doors leading from the room +were locked and the heavy velvet curtains drawn over them, making us +absolutely secure from intrusion. + +"I suppose so." The answer was banal enough, but it was physically +impossible for me to say anything more. My throat was parched, my +tongue thick, and I clenched my hands tightly in my lap to prevent +their trembling. + +Mrs. Underwood gave me a searching glance, then reached over and laid +her warm, firm hand over mine. + +"See here, my child," she said gently, "this will never do. Before I +tell you this story there is something you must be sure of. Look at +me. No matter what else you may think of me do you believe me to be +capable of telling you a falsehood when a make a statement to you upon +my honor?" + +Her eyes met mine fairly and squarely. Mrs. Underwood has wonderful +eyes, blue-gray, expressive. They shone out from the atrocious mask of +make-up which she always uses, and I unreservedly accepted the message +they carried to me. + +"I am sure you would not deceive me," I returned quickly, and meant +it. + +"Thank you. Then before I begin my story I am going to assure you of +one thing, upon--my--honor." + +She spoke slowly, impressively, her eyes never wavering from mine. + +"You have heard rumors about Dicky and me; you will hear things from +me today which will show you that the rumors were justified in part, +and yet--I want you to believe me when I tell you that there is +nothing in any past association of your husband and myself which would +make either of us ashamed to look you straight in the eyes." + +I believed her! I would challenge anyone in the world to look into +those clear, honest eyes and doubt their owner's truth. + +There was a long minute when I could not speak. I had not known the +full measure of what I feared until her words lifted the burden from +my soul. + +Then I had my moment, recognized it, rose to it. I leaned forward and +returned the earnest gaze of the woman opposite to me. + +"Dear Mrs. Underwood," I said. "Why tell me any more? I am perfectly +satisfied with what you have just told me. Be sure that no rumors will +trouble me again." + +Her clasp of my hand tightened until my rings hurt my flesh. Into her +face came a look of triumph. + +"I knew it," she said jubilantly. "I could have banked on you. You're +a big woman, my dear, and I believe we are going to be real friends." + +She loosened her clasp of my hands, leaned back in her chair and +looked for a long, meditative moment at the fire. + +"You cannot imagine how much easier your attitude makes the telling of +my story," she began finally. + +"But I just assured you that there was no need for the telling," I +interrupted. + +"I know. But it is your right to know, and it will be far better if +you are put in possession of the facts. It is an ugly story. I think I +had better tell you the worst of it first." + +I marvelled at the look that swept across her face. Bitter pain and +humiliation were written there so plainly that I looked away. Then +my eyes fell upon her strong, white, shapely hands which were resting +upon the arms of the chair. They were strained, bloodless, where the +fingers gripped the tapestried surface. + +When she spoke, her voice was low, hurried, abashed. "Seven years +ago," she said, "my first husband sued me for divorce, and named Dicky +as a co-respondent." + +I sprang from my seat. + +"Oh, no, no, no," I cried, hardly knowing what I said. "Surely not. I +remember reading the old story when you were married to Mr. Underwood, +three years ago--I've always admired your work so much that I've read +every line about you--and surely Dicky's name wasn't mentioned. I +would have remembered it when I met him, I know." + +"There, there." She was on her feet beside me and with a gentle yet +compelling hand put me back in my chair. Her voice had the same tone +a mother would use to a grieving child. "Dicky's name wasn't mentioned +when the story was printed the last time, because at the time the +divorce was granted, Mr. Morten withdrew the accusation that he had +made against him." + +"Why?" The question left my lips almost without volition. I sensed +something tragic, full of meaning for me behind the statement she had +made. + +She did not answer me for a minute or two. + +"I can only answer that question on your word of honor not to tell +Dicky what I am going to tell you," she said. "It is something he +suspects, but which I would never confirm." + +She paused expectantly. "Upon honor, of course," I answered simply. + +She rose and moved swiftly toward one of the built-in bookcases. I saw +that she put her hand upon one of the sections and pulled upon it. To +my astonishment it moved toward her, and I saw that behind it was a +cleverly constructed wall safe. She turned the combination, opened the +door and took from the safe an inlaid box which, as she came toward +me, I saw was made of rare old woods. + +She sat down again in the big chair and looked at the box musingly, +tenderly. I leaned forward expectantly. Again I had the sense of +tragedy near me. + +Drawing the key from her dress she opened the box and took from it a +miniature, gazed at it a minute, and then handed it to me. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood," I exclaimed. "How exquisite." + +The miniature was of the most beautiful child I had ever seen, a tiny +girl of perhaps two years. She stood poised as if running to meet one, +her baby arms outstretched. It was a picture to delight or break a +mother's heart. + +I looked up from the miniature to the face of the woman who had handed +it to me. + +"Yes," she answered my unspoken query, "my little daughter; my only +child. She is the price I paid for Dicky's immunity from the scandal +which the unjust man that I called husband brought upon me." + +My first impulse was one of horror-stricken sympathy for her. Then +came the reaction. A flaming jealousy enveloped me from head to foot. + +"How she must have loved Dicky to do this for him!" The thought beat +upon my brain like a sledge hammer. + +"Don't think that, my dear, for it isn't true." I had not spoken, but +with her almost uncanny ability to divine the thoughts of other people +she had fathomed mine. "I was always fond of Dicky, but I never was in +love with him." + +"Then why did you make such a sacrifice?" I stammered. + +"Why! There was absolutely no other way," she said, opening her +wonderful eyes wide in amazement that I had not at once grasped her +point of view. "Dicky was absolutely innocent of any wrongdoing, but +through a combination of circumstances of which I shall tell you, my +husband had gathered a show of evidence which would have won him the +divorce if it had been presented." + +"He bargained with me: I to give up all claim to the baby. He to +withdraw Dicky's name, and all other charges except that of desertion. +Thus Dicky was saved a scandal which would have followed and hampered +him all his life, and I was spared the fastening of a shameful verdict +upon me. Of course, everybody who read about the case and did not know +me, believed me guilty anyway, but my friends stood by me gallantly, +and that part of it is all right. But every time I look at that baby +face I am tempted to wish that I had let honor, the righting of Dicky, +everything go by the boards, and had taken my chance of having her, +even if it were only part of the time." + +Her voice was rough, uneven as she finished speaking, but that was the +only evidence of the emotion which I knew must have her stretched upon +the rack. + +Right there I capitulated to Lillian Underwood. Always, through my +dislike and distrust of her, there had struggled an admiration which +would not down, even when I thought I had most cause to fear her. + +But this revelation of the real bigness of the woman caught my +allegiance and fixed it. She had sacrificed the thing which was most +precious to her to keep her ideal of honor unsullied. I felt that I +could never have made a similar sacrifice, but I mentally saluted her +for her power to do it. + +I realized, too, the reason for Dicky's deference to Mrs. Underwood, +which had often puzzled and sometimes angered me. Once when she had +given him a raking over for the temper he displayed toward me in her +presence, he had said: + +"You know I couldn't get angry at you, no matter what you said; I owe +you too much." + +I had wondered at the time what it was that my husband "owed" Mrs. +Underwood. The riddle was solved for me at last. + +I am not an impetuous woman, and I do not know how I ever mustered +up courage to do it. But the sight of Lillian Underwood's face as +she looked at her baby's picture was too much for me. Without any +conscious volition on my part I found my arms around her, and her face +pressed against my shoulder. + +I expected a storm of grief, for I knew the woman had been holding +herself in with an iron hand. But only a few convulsive movements of +her shoulders betrayed her emotion and when she raised her face to +mine her eyes were less tear-bedewed than my own. + +Something stirred me to quick questioning. + +"Oh, is there a chance of your having her again?" + +"I am always hoping for it," she answered quietly. "When her father +married again, several years ago--that was before my marriage to +Harry--I hoped against hope that he would give her to me. For he +knew--the hound--knew better than anybody else that all his vile +charges were false." + +Her eyes blazed, her voice was strident, her hands clasped and +unclasped. Then, as if a string had been loosened, she sank back in +her chair again. + +"But he would not give her to me," she went on dully, "and he could +not even if he would. For his mother, who has the child, is old and +devoted to her. It would kill her to take Marion away from her." + +"You saw my pink room?" she demanded abruptly. + +I nodded. The memory of that rose-colored nest and the look in my +hostess's eyes when on my other visit she had said she had prepared +the room for a young girl was yet vivid. + +"I spent weeks preparing it for her when I heard of her father's +remarriage," she said, "When I finally realized that I could not have +her, I lay ill for weeks in it. On my recovery I vowed that no one +else but she or I should ever sleep there. I have another bedroom +where I sleep most of the time. But sometimes I go in there and spend +the night, and pretend that I have her little body snuggled up close +to me just as it used to be." + +The crackling of the logs in the grate was the only sound to be heard +for many minutes. + +With her elbow resting on the arm of her chair, her chin cupped in her +hand, her whole body leaning toward the warmth of the fire, she sat +gazing into the leaping flames as if she were trying to read in them +the riddle of the future. + +I patiently waited on her mood. That she would open her heart to me +further I knew, but I did not wish to disturb her with either word or +movement. + +"I might as well begin at the beginning." There was a note in her +voice that all at once made me see the long years of suffering which +had been hers. "Only the beginning is so commonplace that it lacks +interest. It is the record of a very mediocre stenographer with +aspirations." + +That she was speaking of herself her tone told me, but I was genuinely +surprised. Mrs. Underwood was the last woman in the world one would +picture as holding down a stenographer's position. + +"I can't remember when I didn't have in the back of my brain the idea +of learning to draw," she went on, "but it took years and years of +uphill work and saving to get a chance. I was an orphan, with nobody +to care whether I lived or died, and nothing but my own efforts to +depend on. But I stuck to it, working in the daytime and studying +evenings and holidays till at last I began to get a foothold, and then +when I had enough to put by to risk it I went to Paris." + +Her voice was as matter of fact as if she were describing a visit to +the family butcher shop. But I visualized the busy, plucky years with +their reward of Paris as if I had been a spectator of them. + +"Of course, by the time I got there I was almost old enough to be the +mother, or, at least, the elder sister of most of the boys and girls +I met, and I had learned life and experience in a good, hard school. +Some of the youngsters got the habit of coming to me with all their +troubles, fancied or real. I made some stanch friends in those days, +but never a stancher, truer one than Dicky Graham. + +"Tell me, dear girl, when you were teaching those history classes, did +any of your boy pupils fall in love with you?" + +I answered her with an embarrassed little laugh. Her question called +up memories of shy glances, gifts of flowers and fruit, boyish +confidences--all the things which fall to the lot of any teacher of +boys. + +"Well, then, you will understand me when I tell you that in the studio +days in Paris Dicky imagined himself quite in love with me." + +There was something in her tone and manner which took all the sting +out of her words for me. All the jealousy and real concern which I had +spent on this old attachment of my husband for Mrs. Underwood vanished +as I listened to her. She might have been Dicky's mother, speaking of +his early and injudicious fondness for green apples. + +"I shall always be proud of the way I managed Dicky that time." Her +voice still held the amused maternal note. "It's so easy for an older +woman to spoil a boy's life in a case like that if she's despicable +enough to do it. But, you see, I was genuinely fond of Dicky, and +yet not the least bit in love with him, and I was able, without his +guessing it, to keep the management of the affair in my own hands. +So when he woke up, as boys always do, to the absurdity of the idea, +there was nothing in his recollections of me to spoil our friendship. + +"Then there came the early days of my struggle to get a foothold in +New York in my line. There were thousands of others like me. Six or +seven of the strugglers had been my friends in Paris. We formed a sort +of circle, "for offence and defence," Dicky called it; settled down +near each other, and for months we worked and played and starved +together. When one of us sold anything we all feasted while it lasted. +I tell you, my dear, those were strenuous times but they had a zest of +their own." + +I saw more of the picture she was revealing than she thought I did. +I could guess that the one who most often sold anything was the woman +who was so calmly telling me the story of those early hardships. I +knew that the dominant member of that little group of stragglers, the +one who heartened them all, the one who would unhesitatingly go hungry +herself if she thought a comrade needed it, was Lillian Underwood. + +"And then I spoiled my life. I married." + +"Don't misunderstand me," she hastened to say. "I do not mean that I +believe all marriages are failures. I believe tremendously in +married happiness, but I think I must be one of the women who are +temperamentally unfitted to make any man happy." + +Her tone was bitter, self-accusing. + +"You cannot make me believe that," I said stoutly. "I would rather +believe that you were very unwise in your choice of husbands." + +She laughed ironically. + +"Well, we will let it go at that! At any rate there is only one word +that describes my first marriage. It was hell from start to finish." + +The look on her face told me she was not exaggerating. It was a look, +only graven by intense suffering. + +"When the baby came my feeling for Will changed. He had worn me out. +The love I had given him I lavished upon the child. Will's mother came +to live with us--she had been drifting around miserably before--and +while she failed me at the time of the divorce, yet she was a tower of +strength to me during the baby's infancy. I was very fond of her and +I think she sincerely liked me. But Will, her only son, could always +make her believe black was white, as I later found out to my sorrow. + +"With the vanishing of the hectic love I had felt for Will, things +went more smoothly with me. I worked like a slave to keep up the +expenses of the home and to lay by something for the baby's future. My +husband was away so much that the boys and girls gradually came back +to something like their old term of intimacy. I never gave the matter +of propriety a thought. My mother-in-law, a baby and a maid, were +certainly chaperons enough. + +"Afterward I found out that my husband, equipped with his legal +knowledge, had set all manner of traps for me, had bribed my maid, and +diabolically managed to twist the most innocent visits of the boys of +the old crowd to our home to his own evil meanings. + +"Then came the crash. Dicky came in one Sunday afternoon and I saw at +once that he was really ill. You know his carelessness. He had let a +cold go until he was as near pneumonia as he could well be. A sleet +storm was raging outside, and when Dicky, after shivering before the +fire, started to go back to his studio, Will's mother, who liked Dicky +immensely, joined with me in insisting that he must not go out at all, +but to bed. Dicky was really too ill to care what we did with him, +so we got him into bed, and I took care of him for two or three days +until he was well enough to leave. + +"Of course, the greater part of his care fell on me, for Will's mother +was old and not strong. I am not going to tell you the accusations +which my unspeakable husband made against me, or the affidavits which +the maid was bribed to sign about Dicky and me. You can guess. Worst +of all, Will's mother turned against me, not because of anything she +had observed, but simply because her son told her I was guilty. + +"'I never would have thought it of you, Lillian,' she said to me with +the tears streaming down her wrinkled, old face. 'I never saw anything +out of the way, but of course Will wouldn't lie. And I loved you so.' + +"Poor old woman. Those last few words of affection made it easier for +me to give the baby up to her when the time came. She idolizes Marion. +She gives her the best of care, and I do not think she will teach her +to hate me as Will would. + +"But there has never been a moment since I kissed Marion and gave her +into the arms of her grandmother that I have not known exactly how +she was treated," she said. "I have made it my business to know, and I +have paid liberally for the knowledge. You see, about the time of the +divorce Mr. Morten had a legacy left him, so that life has been easy +for him financially. His mother had always kept a maid. Every servant +she has had has been in my employ. There has scarcely been a day since +I lost my baby that from some unobserved place I have not seen her +in her walks. I know every line of her face, every curve of her body, +every trick of movement and expression. I shall know how to win her +love when the time comes, never fear." + +Her voice was dauntless, but her face mirrored the anguish that must +be her daily companion. + +One thing about her recital jarred upon me. This paying of servants, +this furtive espionage was not in keeping with the high resolve that +had led the mother to "keep her word" to the man who had ruined her +life. And yet--and yet--I dared not judge her. In her place I could +not imagine what I would have done. + +One thing I knew. Never again would I doubt Lillian Underwood. The +ghost of the past romance between my husband and the woman before +me was laid for all time, never to trouble me again. Remembering +the sacrifice she had made for Dicky, considering the gallant fight +against circumstances she had waged since her girlhood, I felt +suddenly unworthy of the friendship she had so warmly offered me. + +I turned to her, trying to find words, which should fittingly express +my sentiments, but she forestalled me with a kaleidoscopic change of +manner that bewildered me. + +"Enough of horrors," she said, springing up and giving a little +expressive shake of her shoulders as if she were throwing a weight +from them. "I'm going to give you some luncheon." + +"Oh, please!" I put up a protesting hand, but she was across the room +and pressing a bell before I could stop her. + +I thought I understood. The grave of her past life was closed again. +She had opened it because she wished me to know the truth concerning +the old garbled stories about herself and Dicky. Having told me +everything, she had pushed the grisly thing back into its sepulchre +again and had sealed it. She would not refer to it again. + +One thing puzzled me, something to which she had not referred--why had +she married Harry Underwood? Why, after the terrible experience of +her first marriage, had she risked linking her life with an unstable +creature like the man who was now her husband? + +I put all questionings aside, however, and tried to meet her brave, +gay mood. + + + + +XX + +LITTLE MISS SONNOT'S OPPORTUNITY + + +My mother-in-law's convalescence was as rapid as the progress of +her sudden illness had been. By the day that I gave my first history +lecture before the Lotus Study Club she was well enough to dismiss Dr. +Pettit with, one of her sudden imperious speeches, and to make plans +that evening for the welcoming and entertaining of her daughter +Harriet and her famous son-in-law Dr. Edwin Braithwaite, who were +expected next day on their way to Europe, where Doctor was to take +charge of a French hospital at the front. + +That night I could not sleep. The exciting combination of happenings +effectually robbed me of rest. I tried every device I could think of +to go to sleep, but could not lose myself in even a doze. Finally, in +despair, I rose cautiously, not to awaken Dicky, and slipping on my +bathrobe and fur-trimmed mules, made my way into the dining-room. + +Turning on the light, I looked around for something to read until I +should get sleepy. + +"What is the matter, Mrs. Graham? Are you ill?" + +Miss Sonnet's soft, voice sounded just behind me. As I turned I +thought again, as I had many times before, how very attractive the +little nurse was. She had on a dark blue negligee of rough cloth, made +very simply, but which covered her night attire completely, while +her feet, almost as small as a child's, were covered with fur-trimmed +slippers of the same color as the negligee. Her abundant hair was +braided in two plaits and hung down to her waist. + +"You look like a sleepy little girl," I said impulsively. + +"And you like a particularly wakeful one," she returned, +mischievously. "I am glad you are not ill. I feared you were when I +heard you snap on the light." + +"No, you did not waken me. In fact, I have been awake nearly an hour. +I was just about to come out and rob the larder of a cracker and a sip +of milk in the hope that I might go to sleep again when I heard you." + +"Splendid!" I ejaculated, while Miss Sonnot looked at me wonderingly. +"Can your patient hear us out here?" + +"If you could hear her snore you would be sure she could not," Miss +Sonnot smiled. "And I partly closed her door when I left. She is safe +for hours." + +"Then we will have a party," I declared triumphantly, "a regular +boarding school party." + +"Then on to the kitchen!" She raised one of her long braids of hair +and waved it like a banner. We giggled like fifteen-year-old school +girls as we tiptoed our way into the kitchen, turned on the light and +searched refrigerator, pantry, bread and cake boxes for food. + +"Now for our plunder," I said, as we rapidly inventoried the eatables +we had found. Bread, butter, a can of sardines, eggs, sliced bacon and +a dish of stewed tomatoes. + +"I wish we had some oysters or cheese; then we could stir up something +in the chafing dish," I said mournfully. + +"Do you know, I believe I have a chafing dish recipe we can use in a +scrap book which I always carry with me," responded Miss Sonnot. "It +is in my suit case at the foot of my couch. I'll be back in a minute." + +She noiselessly slipped into the living room and returned almost +instantly with a substantially bound book in her hands. She sat down +beside me at the table and opened the book. + +"I couldn't live without this book," she said extravagantly. "In it I +have all sorts of treasured clippings and jottings. The things I need +most I have pasted in. The chafing dish recipes are in an envelope. I +just happened to have them along." + +She was turning the pages as she spoke. On one page, which she passed +by more hurriedly than the others, were a number of Kodak pictures. I +caught a flash of one which made my heart beat more quickly. Surely I +had a print from the same negative in my trunk. + +The tiny picture was a photograph of Jack Bickett or I was very much +mistaken. + +What was it doing in the scrap book of Miss Sonnot? + +I put an unsteady hand out to prevent her turning the page. + +It was Jack Bickett's photograph. I schooled my voice to a sort of +careless surprise: + +"Why! Isn't this Jack Bickett?" + +She started perceptibly. "Yes. Do you know him?" + +"He is the nearest relative I have," I returned quickly, "a distant +cousin, but brought up as my brother." + +Her face flushed. Her eyes shone with interest. + +"Oh! then you must be his Margaret?" she cried. + +As the words left Miss Sonnot's lips she gazed at me with a +half-frightened little air as if she regretted their utterance. + +"I beg your pardon, Mrs. Graham," she said contritely; "you must think +I have taken leave of my senses. But I have heard so much about you." + +"From Mr. Bickett?" My head was whirling. I had never heard Jack speak +the name of "Sonnot." Indeed, I would never have known he had met her, +save for the accidental opening of her scrap book to his picture when +she and I were searching for chafing dish recipes. + +"Oh! No, indeed. I have never seen Mr. Bickett myself." + +A rosy embarrassed flush stole over her face as she spoke. Her eyes +were starry. Through my bewilderment came a thought which I voiced. + +"That is his loss then. He would think so if he could see you now." + +She laughed confusedly while the rosy tint of her cheeks deepened. + +"I must explain to you," she said simply. "I have never seen +Mr. Bickett, but my brother is one of his friends. They used to +correspond, and I enjoyed his letters as much as Mark did. I think his +is a wonderful personality, don't you?" + +"Naturally," I returned, a trifle dryly. The little nurse was +revealing more than she dreamed. There was romantic admiration in +every note in her voice. I was not quite sure that I liked it. + +But I put all selfish considerations down with an iron hand and smiled +in most friendly fashion at her. + +"Isn't it wonderful that after hearing so much of each other we should +meet in this way?" I said heartily. "If only our brothers were here." + +Miss Sonnet's face brightened again. "Is Mr. Bickett in this country? +" she asked, her voice carefully nonchalant. "I have not heard +anything about him for two or three years." + +"He sailed for France a week ago," I answered slowly. "He intends to +join the French engineering corps." + +There was a long moment of silence. Then Miss Sonnot spoke slowly, and +there was a note almost of reverence in her voice. + +"That is just what he would do," and then, impetuously, "how I envy +him!" + +"Envy him?" I repeated incredulously. + +"Yes, indeed." Her voice was militant, her eyes shining, her face +aglow. "How I wish I were a man ever since this war started! I am just +waiting for a good chance to join a hospital unit, but I do not happen +to know any surgeon who has gone, and of course they all pick their +own nurses. But my chance will come. I am sure of it, and then I +am going to do my part. Why! my great-grandfather was an officer in +Napoleon's army. I feel ashamed not to be over there." + + * * * * * + +I saw very little of Dicky's sister and her husband during the week +they spent in New York before sailing for France. True, Harriet spent +some portion of every day with her mother, but she ate at our table +only once, always hurrying back to the hotel to oversee the menu of +her beloved Edwin. + +Reasoning that in a similar situation I should not care for the +presence of an outsider, I left the mother and daughter alone +together as much as I could without appearing rude. I think they both, +appreciated my action, although, with their customary reserve, they +said very little to me. + +Dr. Braithwaite came twice during the week to see us, each time +making a hurried call. Harriet appeared to wish to impress us with the +importance of these visits from so busy and distinguished a man. But +the noted surgeon himself was simple and unaffected in his manner. + +One thing troubled me. I had done nothing, said nothing to further +Miss Sonnot's desire to go to France as a nurse. She had left us the +day after Dicky's sister and brother-in-law arrived, left with the +admiration and good wishes of us all. The big surgeon himself, after +watching her attention to his mother-in-law upon the day of arrival, +made an approving comment. + +"Good nurse, that," he had said. I took the first opportunity to +repeat his words to the little nurse, who flushed with pleasure. I +knew that I ought to at least inquire of the big surgeon or his wife +about the number of nurses he was taking with him, but there seemed no +fitting opportunity, and--I did not make one. + +I did not try to explain to myself the curious disinclination I +felt to lift a hand toward the sending of Miss Sonnot to the French +hospitals. But every time I thought of the night she had told me of +her wish I felt guilty. + +Jack was already "somewhere in France." If Miss Sonnot entered the +hospital service, there was a possibility that they might meet. + +I sincerely liked and admired Miss Sonnot. My brother-cousin had been +the only man in my life until Dicky swept me off my feet with his +tempestuous wooing. My heart ought to have leaped at the prospect +of their meeting and its possible result. But I felt unaccountably +depressed at the idea, instead. + +The last day of the Braithwaites' stay Harriet came unusually early to +see her mother. + +"I can stay only a few minutes this morning, mother," she explained, +as she took off her heavy coat. "I know," in answer to the older +woman's startled protest. "It is awful this last day, too. I'll come +back toward night, but I must get back to Edwin this morning. He is +so annoyed. One of his nurses has fallen ill at the last moment and +cannot go. He has to secure another good one immediately, that he may +get her passport attended to in time for tomorrow's sailing. And he +will not have one unless he interviews her himself. I left him eating +his breakfast and getting ready to receive a flock of them sent him by +some physicians he knows. I must hurry back to help him through." + +Miss Sonnet's opportunity had come! I knew it, knew also that I must +speak to my sister-in-law at once about her. But she had finished +her flying little visit and was putting on her coat before I finally +forced myself to broach the subject. + +"Mrs. Braithwaite"--to my disgust I found my voice trembling--"I +think I ought to tell you that Miss Sonnot, the nurse your mother had, +wishes very much to enter the hospital service. She could go tomorrow, +I am sure. And I remember your husband spoke approvingly of her." + +My sister-in-law rushed past me to the telephone. + +"The very thing!" She threw the words over her shoulder as she took +down the receiver. "Thank you so much." Then, as she received her +connection, she spoke rapidly, enthusiastically. + +"Edwin, I have such good news for you. Dicky's wife thinks that little +Miss Sonnot who nursed mother could go tomorrow. She said while she +was here that she wanted to enter the hospital service. Yes. I thought +you'd want her. All right. I'll see to it right away and telephone +you. By the way, Edwin, if she can go, you won't need me this +forenoon, will you? That's good. I can stay with mother, then. Take +care of yourself, dear. Good-by." + +She hung up the receiver and turned to me. + +"Can you reach her by 'phone right away, and if she can go tell her to +go to the Clinton at once and ask for Dr. Braithwaite?" + +I paid a mental tribute to my sister-in-law's energy as I in my turn +took down the telephone receiver. I realized how much wear and tear +she must save her big husband. + +"Miss Sonnot!" I could not help being a bit dramatic in my news. "Can +you sail for France tomorrow? One of Dr. Braithwaite's nurses is ill, +and you may have her place, if you wish." + +There was a long minute of silence, and then the little nurse's voice +sounded in my ears. It was filled with awe and incredulity. + +"If I wish!" and then, after a pregnant pause, "Surely, I can go. +Where do I learn the details?" + +I gave her full directions and hung up the receiver with a sigh. + +She came to see me before she sailed, and after she had left me, I +went into my bedroom, locked the door, and let the tears come which I +had been forcing back. I did not know what was the matter with me. I +felt a little as I did once long before when a cherished doll of +my childhood had been broken beyond all possibility of mending. +Unreasonable as the feeling was, it was as if a curtain had dropped +between me and any part of my life that lay behind me. + + + + +XXI + +LIFE'S JOG-TROT AND A QUARREL + + +Life went at a jog-trot with me for a long time after the departure +for France of the Braithwaites and Miss Sonnot. + +My mother-in-law missed her daughter, Mrs. Braithwaite, sorely. I +believe if it had not been for her pride in her brilliant daughter +and her famous son-in-law she would have become actually ill with +fretting. I found my hands full in devising ways to divert her mind +and planning dishes to tempt her delicate appetite. + +Because of her frailty and consequent inability to do much +sightseeing, or, indeed, to go far from the house, Dicky and I spent a +very quiet winter. + +Our evenings away from home together did not average one a week. And +Dicky very rarely went anywhere without me. + +"What a Darby and Joan we are getting to be!" he remarked one night as +we sat one on each side of the library table, reading. His mother, as +was her custom, had gone to bed early in the evening. + +"Yes! Isn't it nice?" I returned, smiling at him. + +"Ripping!" Dicky agreed enthusiastically. Then, reflectively, +"Funniest thing about it is the way I cotton to this domestic stunt. +If anyone had told me before I met you that I should ever stand for +this husband-reading-to-knitting-wife sort of thing I should have +bought him a ticket to Matteawan, pronto." + +He stopped and frowned heavily at me, in mimic disapproval. + +"Picture all spoiled," he declared, sighing. "You are not knitting. +Why, oh, why are you not knitting?" + +"Because I never shall knit," I returned, laughing, "at least not in +the evening while you are reading. That sort of thing never did appeal +to me. Either the wife who has to knit or sew or darn in the evening +is too inefficient to get all her work done in daylight, or she has +too much work to do. In the first case, her husband ought to teach her +efficiency; in the second place, he ought to help do the sewing or the +darning. Then they could both read." + +"Listen to the feminist?" carolled Dicky; then with mock severity: +"Of course, I am to infer, madam, that my stockings are all properly +darned?" + +"Your inference is eminently correct," demurely. "Your mother darned +them today." + +What I had told him was true. His mother had seen me looking over the +stockings after they were washed, and had insisted on darning Dicky's. +I saw that she longed to do some little personal service for her boy, +and willingly handed them over. + +Dicky threw back his head and laughed heartily. Then his face sobered, +and he came round to my side of the table and sat down on the arm of +my chair. + +"Speaking of mother," he said, rumpling my hair caressingly, "I want +to tell you, sweetheart, that you've made an awful hit with me the way +you've taken care of her. Nobody knows better than I how trying she +can be, and you've been just as sweet and kind to her as if she were +the most tractable person on earth." + +He put his arms around me and bent his face to mine. + +"Pretty nice and comfy this being married to each other, isn't it?" + +"Very nice, indeed," I agreed, nestling closer to him. + +My heart echoed the words. In fact, it seemed almost too good to +be true, this quiet domestic cove into which our marital bark had +drifted. The storms we had weathered seemed far past. Dicky's jealousy +of my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett; my unhappiness over Lillian +Underwood--those tempestuous days surely were years ago instead of +months. + +Now Jack was "somewhere in France," and I had a queer little +premonition that somewhere, somehow, his path would cross that of +Miss Sonnot, the little nurse, who had gone with Dr. Braithwaite's, +expedition, and who for years had cherished a romantic ideal of my +brother-cousin, although she had never met him. + +Lillian Underwood was my sworn friend. With characteristic directness +she had cut the Gordian knot of our misunderstanding by telling me, +against Dicky's protests, all about the old secret which her past and +that of my husband shared. After her story, with all that it revealed +of her sacrifice and her fidelity to her own high ideals, there +never again would be a doubt of her in my mind. I was proud of her +friendship, although, because of my mother-in-law's prejudice against +them, Dicky and I could not have the Underwoods at our home. + +Our meetings, therefore, were few. But I had an odd little feeling of +safety and security whenever I thought of her. I knew if any terrible +trouble ever came to me I should fly to her as if she were my sister. + +My work at the Lotus Study Club was going along smoothly. At home +Katie was so much more satisfactory than the maids I had seen in other +establishments that I shut my eyes to many little things about which I +knew my mother-in-law would have been most captious. + +But my mother-in-law's acerbity was softened by her weakness. We grew +quite companionable in the winter days when Dicky's absence at the +studio left us together. Altogether I felt that life had been very +good to me. + +So the winter rolled away, and almost before we knew it the spring +days came stealing in from the South, bringing to me their urgent call +of brown earth and sprouting things. + +I was not the only one who listened to the message of spring. Mother +Graham grew restless and used all of her meagre strength in drives to +the parks and walks to a nearby square where the crocuses were just +beginning to wave their brave greeting to the city. + +The warmer days affected Dicky adversely. He seemed a bit distrait, +displayed a trifle of his earlier irritability, and complained a great +deal about the warmth of the apartment. + +"I tell you I can't stand this any longer," he said one particularly +warm evening in April, as he sank into a chair, flinging his collar in +one direction and his necktie in another. "I'd rather be in the city +in August than in these first warm days of spring. What do you say +to moving into the country for the summer? Our month is up here the +first, anyway, and I am perfectly willing to lose any part of the +month's rent if we only can get away." + +"But, Dicky," I protested, "unless we board, which I don't think +any of us would like to do, how are we going to find a house, to say +nothing of getting settled in so short a time?" + +To my surprise, Dicky hesitated a moment before answering. Then, +flushing, he uttered the words which brought my little castle of +contentment grumbling about me and warned me that my marital problems +were not yet all solved. + +"Why, you see, there won't be any bother about a house. Miss Draper +has found a perfectly bully place not far from her sister's home." + +"Miss Draper has found a house for us!" + +I echoed Dicky's words in blank astonishment. His bit of news was +so unexpected, amazement was the only feeling that came to me for a +moment or two. + +"Well, what's the reason for the awful astonishment?" demanded Dicky, +truculently. "You look as if a bomb had exploded in your vicinity." + +He expressed my feeling exactly. I knew that Miss Draper had become a +fixture in his studio, acting as his secretary as well as his model, +and pursuing her art studies under his direction. But his references +to her were always so casual and indifferent that for months I had not +thought of her at all. And now I found that Dicky had progressed to +such a degree of intimacy with her that he not only wished to move to +the village which she called home, but had allowed her to select the +house in which we were to live. + +I might be foolish, overwrought, but all at once I recognized in +Dicky's beautiful protege a distinct menace to my marital happiness. +I knew I ought to be most guarded in my reply to my husband, but I am +afraid the words of my answer were tipped with the venom of my feeling +toward the girl. + +"I admit I am astonished," I replied coldly. "You see, I did not know +it was the custom in your circle for an artist's model to select a +house for his wife and mother. You must give me time to adjust myself +to such a bizarre state of things." + +I was so furious myself that I did not realize how much my answer +would irritate Dicky. He sprang to his feet with an oath and turned on +me the old, black angry look that I had not seen for months. + +"That's about the meanest slur I ever heard," he shouted. "Just +because a girl works as a model every other woman thinks she has +the right to cast a stone at her, and put on a +how-dare-you-brush-your-skirt-against-mine sort of thing. You worked +for a living yourself not so very long ago. I should think you would +have a little Christian charity in your heart for any other girl who +worked." + +"It strikes me that there is a slight difference between the work of +a high school instructor in history, a specialist in her subject, and +the work of an artist's model," I returned icily. "But, laying all +that aside, I should have considered myself guilty of a very grave +breach of good taste if I had ventured to select a house for the wife +of my principal, unasked and unknown to her." + +"Cut out the heroics, and come down to brass tacks," Dicky snarled +vulgarly. "Why don't you be honest and say you're jealous of the poor +girl? I'll bet, if the truth were known, it isn't only the house she +selected you'd balk at. I'll bet you wouldn't want to go to Marvin at +all for the summer, regardless that I've spent many a comfortable +week in that section, and like it better than any other summer place I +know." + +Through all my anger at Dicky, my disgust at his coarseness, came +the conviction that he had spoken the truth. I was jealous of +Grace Draper, there was no use denying the fact to myself, however +strenuously I might try to hide the thing from Dicky. I told myself +that I hated Marvin because it held this girl, that instead of +spending the summer there I wished I might never see the place again. + +I was angrier than ever when the knowledge of my own emotion forced +itself upon me, angry with myself for being so silly, angry with Dicky +for having brought such provocation upon me! I let my speech lash out +blindly, not caring what I said: + +"You are wrong in one thing--right in another. I am not jealous of +Miss Draper. To tell you the truth, I do not care enough about what +you do to be jealous of you. But I would not like to live in Marvin +for this season--I never counted in my list of friends a woman who +possesses neither good breeding nor common sense, and I do not propose +to begin with Miss Draper." + +Dicky stared at me for a moment, his face dark and distorted with +passion. Then, springing to his feet, he picked up his collar and tie +and went into his room. Returning with fresh ones, he snatched his hat +and stick and rushed to the door. As he slammed it after him I heard +another oath, one this time coupled with a reference to me. I sank +back in the big chair weak and trembling. + +"Well, you have made a mess of it!" My mother-in-law's voice, cool and +cynical, sounded behind me. I felt like saying something caustic to +her, but there was something in her tones that stopped me. It was not +criticism of me she was expressing, rather sympathy. Accustomed as I +was to every inflection of her voice, I realized this, and accordingly +held my tongue until she had spoken further. + +"I'll admit you've had enough to make any woman lose her control of +herself," went on Dicky's mother, with the fairness which I had found +her invariably to possess in anything big, no matter how petty and +fussy she was over trifles. "But you ought to know Richard better than +to take that way with him. Give Richard his head and he soon tires of +any of the thousand things he proposes doing from time to time. Oppose +him, ridicule him, make him angry, and he'll stick to his notion as a +dog to a bone." + +She turned and walked into her own room again. I sat miserably huddled +in the big chair, by turn angry at my husband and remorseful over my +own hastiness. + +"Vot I do about dinner, Missis Graham?" Katie's voice was subdued, +sympathetic and respectful. I realized that she had heard every word +of our controversy. The knowledge made my reply curt. + +"Keep it warm as long as you can. I will tell you when to serve it." + +Katie stalked out, muttering something about the dinner being spoiled, +but I paid no heed to her. My thoughts were too busy with conjectures +and forebodings of the future to pay any attention to trifles. + +The twilight deepened into darkness. I was just nerving myself to +summon Katie and tell her to serve dinner when the door opened and +Dicky's rapid step crossed the room. He switched on the light, and +then coming over to me, lifted me bodily out of my chair. + +"Was the poor little girl jealous?" he drawled, with his face pressed +close to mine. "Well, she shall never have to be jealous again. We +won't live in Marvin, naughty old town, full of beautiful models. +We'll just go over to Hackensack or some nice respectable place like +that." + +At first my heart had leaped with victory. Dicky had come back, and he +was not angry. Then as his lips sought mine, and I caught his breath, +my victory turned to ashes. The regret or repentance which had driven +my husband back to my arms had not come from his heart but from the +depths of a whiskey glass. + + + + +XXII + +AN AMAZING DISCOVERY + + +It was two days after our quarrel over Grace Draper and her selection +of a summer home for us before Dicky again broached the subject of +leaving the city for the summer. + +"By the way," he said, as carelessly as if the subject had never been +a bone of contention between us, "that house I was speaking of the +other night; the one Miss Draper thought we would like, has been +rented, so we will have to look for something else." + +I had no idea how he had managed to get rid of taking the house after +his protege had gone to the trouble of hunting one up, nor did I care. +I told myself that as the girl's insolent assurance in selecting a +house for me had been put down I could afford to be magnanimous. So I +smiled at Dicky and said with an ease which I was far from feeling: + +"But there must be other places in Marvin that are desirable. That day +we were out there I caught glimpses of streets that must be beautiful +in summer." + +Into Dicky's eyes flashed a look of tender pleasure that warmed me. +Taking advantage of his mother's absorption in her fish he threw me a +kiss. I knew that I had pleased him wonderfully by tacitly agreeing to +go to Marvin, and that our quarrel was to him as if it had never been. +I wish I had his mercurial temperament. Long after I have forgiven a +wrong done to me, or an unpleasant experience, the bitter memory of it +comes back to torment me. + +"That's my bully girl!" was all Dicky said in reply, but when the +baked fish had been discussed and we were eating our salad he looked +up, his eyes twinkling. + +"This green stuff reminds me that if I'm going to get my garden sass +planted this year or you want any flower beds, we'll have to get busy. +Can you run out to Marvin with me tomorrow morning and look around? We +ought to be able to find something we want. Real estate agents are as +thick as fleas around that section." + +We made an early start the next morning, Mother Graham, with +characteristic energy, spurring up Katie with the breakfast, and +successfully routing Dicky from the second nap he was bound to take. I +had been up since daylight, for it was a perfect spring morning, and I +was anxious to be afield. + +As we neared the entrance of the Long Island station I thought of the +first trip we had taken to Marvin, and the unpleasantness which had +marred the day, and I plucked Dicky's sleeve timidly. + +"Dicky!" I swallowed hard and stopped short. + +He adroitly swung me across the street into the safety of the runway +leading down into the station before he spoke. + +"Well, what's on your conscience?" He smiled down at me roguishly. +"You look as if you were going to confess to a murder at least." + +"Not that bad," I smiled faintly. "But oh, Dicky, if I promise to +try not to say anything irritating today, will you promise not to, +either?" + +"Sure as you're born," Dicky returned cheerfully. "Don't want to spoil +the day, eh?" + +"It's such a heavenly day," I sighed. "I feel as if I couldn't stand +it to have anything mar it." + +As we sat in the train that bore us to Marvin Dicky outlined some of +his plans for the summer. + +"There are two or three of the fellows who come down here summers who +I know will be glad to go Dutch on a motor boat," he said. "We can +take the bulliest trips, way out to deserted sand islands, where the +surf is the best ever. We'll take along a tent and spend the night +there sometime, or we can stretch out in the boat. Then we must see if +we can get hold of some horses. Do you ride? Think of it! We've been +married months, and I don't know yet whether you ride or not!" + +"No, I don't ride, but oh, how I've always wanted to!" I returned with +enthusiasm. Then, with a sudden qualm, "But all that will be terribly +expensive, won't it?" + +"Not so awful," Dicky said, smiling down at me. "But even if it is, +I guess we can stand it. I've had some cracking good orders lately. +We'll have one whale of a summer." + +My heart beat high with happiness. Surely, with all these plans +for me, my husband's thoughts could not be much occupied with his +beautiful model. As he lifted me down to the station platform at +Marvin I looked with friendliness at the dingy, battered old railroad +station which I remembered, at the defiant sign near it which +trumpeted in large type, "Don't judge the town by the station," and +the winding main street of the village, which, when I had visited +Marvin before, Dicky had wished to show me. + +Upon that other visit our first sight of Grace Draper and Dicky's +interest in her had spoiled the trip for me. I had insisted upon going +back without seeing some of the things Dicky had planned to show +me, and I had disliked the thought of the town ever since. But with +Dicky's loving plans for my happiness dazzling me, I felt a touch of +the glamour with which he invested the place in my eyes. I caught at +his hand in an unwonted burst of tenderness. + +"Let's walk down that old winding street which you told me about last +winter," I said. "I've wanted to see it ever since you spoke about +it." + +"We'll probably motor down it instead," he grinned. "There's a real +estate office just opposite here, and I see the agent's flivver in +front of the door, where he stands just inside his office. The spider +and the fly, eh, Madge? Well, Mr. Spider, here are two dear little +flies for you!" + +"Oh, Dicky!" I dragged at his arm in protest. "Don't spoil our first +view of that street by whirling through it in a car. Let's saunter +down it first and then come back to the real estate man." + +"You have a gleam of human intelligence, sometimes, don't you?" Dicky +inquired banteringly. Then he took my arm to help me across the rough +places in the country road. + +We had almost reached the door of the office when Dicky caught sight +of a plainly dressed woman coming toward us. I heard him catch his +breath, his grasp on my arm tightened, and with an indescribable agile +movement he fairly bolted into the real estate office, dragging me +with him. + +"I'll explain later," he said in my ear. "Just follow my lead now." + +As he turned to the rotund little real estate agent, who came forward +to greet us, a look of surprise on his round face, I looked through +the window at the woman from whose sight he had dodged. + +Then I felt that I needed an explanation, indeed. + +For the woman whose eyes my husband so evidently wished to avoid was +Mrs. Gorman, Grace Draper's sister. + + * * * * * + +So I was to live in a house of Grace Draper's choosing, after all! + +This was the thought that came most forcibly to me when Mr. Brennan, +the owner of the house Dicky had impetuously decided to rent, told us +that Miss Draper had looked over the place for an artist friend, and +that she would have taken it only for finding another house nearer her +own home. + +I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not at first notice +Dicky's embarrassment when Mr. Brennan asked him if he knew Grace +Draper. It was only when the man, who had all the earmarks of a +gossiping countryman, repeated the question, that I realized Dicky's +confusion. + +"Did you say you knew her?" + +"Yes, I know her; she works in my studio," remarked Dicky, shortly. + +"Oh!" The exclamation had the effect of a long-drawn whistle. "Then +you probably were the artist friend she spoke of." + +"I probably was." Dicky's tone was grim. I knew how near his temper +was to exploding, and the look which I beheld on the face of Mr. +Birdsall, the little real estate agent, galvanized me into action. + +"Dear, what do you suppose led Grace to think we would like that other +place better than this?" I flashed a tender little smile at Dicky. "Of +course we would like to be nearer her, but this is not very far from +her home, and it is so much better, isn't it?" + +Dicky took the cue without a tremor. + +"Why, I suppose she thought you would find this house too big for you +to look after," he replied in a matter-of-fact way. + +"That was awful dear and thoughtful of her," I murmured, careful +to keep my voice at just the right pitch of friendliness toward the +absent Grace, "but I don't think this will be too much, for we can +shut up the rooms we don't need." + +I had the satisfaction of seeing the puzzled looks of Mr. Brennan +and Mr. Birdsall change into an evident readjustment of their ideas +concerning my husband and Grace Draper. But I did not relax my iron +hold upon myself. I knew if I dared let myself down for an instant +angry tears would rush to my eyes. + +"When did you say we could move in?" I turned to Mr. Brennan, +determined to get away from the subject of Grace Draper as quickly as +possible. + +"Today, if you want it." + +"No," returned Dicky, "but we will want it soon. When do you think we +can move?" He turned to me. + + * * * * * + +I spent three busy days at the Brennan place. There was much to be +done both inside and outside the house. After the first day, Katie did +not return with me, as my mother-in-law needed her in the apartment. +But I engaged another woman with the one I had for the work in the +house and put the grinning William in charge of an old man I had +secured to clean up the grounds and make the garden. + +I soon found that I had a treasure in Mr. Jones, who was a typical old +Yankee farmer, a wizened little man with chin whiskers. He could only +give me a day or two occasionally, as he was old and confided to me +that he was subject to "the rheumatics." But while I was there he +ploughed and harrowed and planted the garden, cleared the rubbish +away, and made me innumerable flower beds, keeping an iron hand over +the irresponsible William, whose grin gradually faded as he was forced +to do some real work for his day's wages. + +A riotous and extravagant hour in a seed and bulb store resulted in my +getting all the flower favorites I had loved in my childhood. I also +bought the seeds of all vegetables which Dicky and I liked, and a few +more, and put them in Mr. Jones's capable hands. + +If there was a variety of vegetables or flower seeds which looked +attractive in the seedman's catalogue, and which remained unbought, it +was the fault of the salesman, for I conscientiously tried to select +every one. I planned the location of a few of the beds, and then +confided to Mr. Jones the rest of the outdoor work, knowing that he +could finish it after my return to the city. + +Mr. Birdsall, the agent, was very tractable about the kitchen, sending +men the second day to paint it. So at the end of the third day, when I +turned the key in the lock of the front door, I was conscious that the +house was as clean as soap and water and hard work could make it, that +the grounds were in order, and the growing things I loved on their way +to greet me. + +I fancy it was high time things were accomplished, for in some way +I had caught a severe cold. At least that was the way I diagnosed my +complaint. My throat seemed swollen, my head ached severely, and each +bone and muscle in my body appeared to have its separate pain. When I +reached the apartment I felt so ill that I undressed and went to bed +at once. + +"You must spray your throat immediately," my mother-in-law said in a +businesslike way, "and I suppose we ought to send for that jackanapes +of a doctor." + +Even through my suffering I could not help but smile at my +mother-in-law's reference to Dr. Pettit, who had attended her in her +illness. She had summarily dismissed him because he had forbidden +her to see to the unpacking of her trunks when she was barely +convalescent, and we had not seen him since. + +"I'm sure I will not need a physician," I said, trying to speak +distinctly, although it was an effort for me to articulate. "Wait +until Dicky comes, anyway." + +For distinct in my mind was a mental picture of the look I had +detected in Dr. Pettit's eyes upon the day of his last visit to my +mother-in-law. I remembered the way he had clasped my hand in parting. +The feeling was indefinable. I scored myself as fanciful and conceited +for imagining that there had been anything special in his farewell +to me or in the little courtesies he had tendered me during my +mother-in-law's illness. But I told myself again, as I had after +closing the door upon his last visit, that it were better all around +if he did not come again. + +"If you wait for Richard, you'll wait a long time," his mother +observed grimly. "He called up a while ago, and said he had been +invited to an impromptu studio party that he couldn't get away from, +and that he would be home in two or three hours. But I know Richard. +If he gets interested in anything like that he won't be home until +midnight." + +I do not pretend either to analyze or excuse the feeling of reckless +defiance that seized me upon hearing of Dicky's absence. I reflected +bitterly that I had taken all the burden of seeing to the new home, +and was suffering from illness contracted because of that work, while +Dicky was frolicking at a studio party, with never a thought of me. + +I know without being told that Grace Draper was a member of the +frolic. And here I was suffering, yet refusing the services of a +skilled physician because I fancied there was something in his manner +the tolerance of which would savor of disloyalty to Dicky! + +I turned to my mother-in-law to tell her she could summon the +physician, but found that I could hardly speak. My throat felt as if I +were choking. + +"The spray!" I gasped. + +Thoroughly alarmed, Mother Graham assisted me in spraying my throat +with a strong antiseptic solution. Then I gave her the number of Dr. +Pettit's office, and she called him up. I heard her tell him to make +haste, and then she came back to me. I saw that she was frightened +about the condition of my throat, but the choking feeling gave me no +time to be frightened. I kept the spray going almost constantly until +the physician came. It was the only way I could breathe. + +Dr. Pettit must have made a record journey, for the door bell +signalled his arrival only a few moments after Mother Graham's +message. + +He gave my throat one swift, shrewd glance, then turned to his small +valise and drew from it a stick, some absorbent cotton and a bottle of +dark liquid. With swift, sure movements he prepared a swab, and turned +to me. + +"Open your mouth again," he said gently, but peremptorily. + +I obeyed him, and the antiseptic bathed the swollen tonsils surely and +skilfully. + +As I swayed, almost staggered, in the spasm of coughing and choking +which followed, I felt the strong, sure support of his arm touching my +shoulders, of his hand grasping mine. + +"Now lie down," he commanded gently, when the paroxysm was over. He +drew the covers over me himself, lifted my head and shoulders gently +with one hand, while with the other he raised the pillows to the angle +he wished. Then he turned to my mother-in-law. + +"She has a bad case of tonsilitis, but there is no danger," he said +quietly, utterly ignoring her rudeness at the time of his last visit. +"I will stay until I have swabbed her throat again. She is to have +these pellets," he handed her a bottle of pink tablets, "once every +fifteen minutes until she has taken four, then every hour until +midnight. Let her sleep all she can and keep her warm. I would like +two hot water bags filled, if you please, and a glass of water. She +must begin taking these tablets as soon as possible." + +As my mother-in-law left the room to get the things he wished, Dr. +Pettit came back to the bedside and stood looking down at me. + +"Where is your husband?" he asked, a note of sternness in his voice. + +I shook my head. I was just nervous and sick enough to feel the +question keenly. I could not restrain the foolish tears which rolled +slowly down my cheeks. + +Dr. Pettit took his handkerchief and wiped them away. Then he said in +almost a whisper: + +"Poor little girl! How I wish I could bear the pain for you!" + + + + +XXIII + +"BLUEBEARD'S CLOSET" + + +My recovery from the attack of tonsilitis, thanks to Dr. Pettit's +remedies, was almost as rapid as the seizure had been sudden. +My mother-in-law, forgetting her own invalidism, carried out the +physician's directions faithfully. The choking sensation in my throat +gradually lessened, until by midnight I was able to go to sleep. + +I have no idea when Dicky came home from his "impromptu studio party." +His mother, whose deftness, efficiency and unexpected tenderness +surprised me, arranged a bed for him on the couch in the living room, +and I did not hear him come in at all. + +"My poor little sweetheart!" This was his greeting the next morning. +"If I had only known you were ill the old blow-out could have gone +plump. It was a stupid affair, anyway. Had a rotten time." + +"It doesn't matter, Dicky," I said wearily, and closed my eyes, +pretending to sleep. I knew Dicky was puzzled by my manner, for +I could feel him silently watching me for several minutes. Then +evidently satisfied that I was really sleeping he tiptoed out of the +room, and a little later I heard him depart for his studio, first +cautioning his mother to call him if I needed him. + +I spent a most miserable day after Dicky had left, in spite of my +mother-in-law's tender care and Katie's assiduous attentions. The +studio party, of which I was sure Grace Draper was a member, rankled +as did anything connected with this student model of Dicky's. The +memory of the village gossip concerning her friendship for my husband +which I had heard in Marvin troubled me, while even Dicky's solicitude +for my illness seemed to my overwrought imagination to be forced, +artificial. + +His exclamation, "My poor little sweetheart!" did not ring true to +me. I felt bitterly that there was more sincerity in Dr. Pettit's low +words of the day before: "Poor little girl, I wish I could bear this +pain for you!" than in Dicky's protestations. + +How genuinely troubled the tall young physician had been! How +resentful of Dicky's absence from my bedside! How tender and strong +in my paroxysms of choking! I felt a sudden added bitterness toward my +husband that the memory of my suffering should have blended with it no +recollection of his care, only the tender sympathy of a stranger. + +But in two days I was my usual self again, ready for the arduous tasks +of moving and settling. + +Mother Graham and I spent a hectic day in the furniture and drapery +shops, buying things to supplement her furniture and mine, which we +had arranged to have sent to the Brennan house in Marvin. I found that +her judgment as to values and fabrics was unerring. But her taste as +to colors and designs frequently clashed with mine. Save for the fact +that she became fatigued before we had finished our shopping, there +would have been no individual touch of mine in our home. As it was, I +was not sorry that she found herself too indisposed to go with me +the second day, so that I had a chance to put something of my own +individuality into the new furnishings. + +Another two days in Marvin with the aid of a workman unpacking and +arranging the crated furniture and our purchases, and the new home was +ready to step into. + +We were a gay little party as we went together through the house +inspecting all the rooms. When we came to Dicky's, he barred us out. + +"Now, remember, no stealing of keys and peering into Bluebeard's +closet," said Dicky gayly, as he closed and locked the door of his +room. + +"You flatter yourself, sir." I swept him a low bow. "I really haven't +the slightest curiosity about your old room." + +"Sour grapes," he mocked, and then impressively, "And no matter what +packages or furniture come here for me they are not to be unwrapped. +Just leave them on the porch, or in the library until I come home." + +"I wouldn't touch one of them with a pair of tongs," I assured him. + +"See that you don't," he returned, hanging the key up, and hastily +kissing me. "Now I've got to run for it." + +He hurried down the stairs and out of the front door. I stood looking +after him with a smile of tender amusement. + +The day after Dicky's purchases arrived he rose early. + +"No studio for me today," he announced. "Can you get hold of that man +who helped you clean up here? I want an able-bodied man for several +hours today." + +"I think so," I returned quietly, and going to the telephone, soon +returned with the assurance that William-of-the-wide-grin would +shortly be at the house. + +"That's fine," commented Dicky. "And now I want you and mother to get +out of the way after breakfast. Go for a walk or a drive or anything +go you are not around. I want to surprise you this afternoon. I'll bet +that room will make your eyes stick out when you see it." + +I had a wonderful tramp through the woods, enjoying it so much that it +was after four o'clock when I finally returned home. Dicky greeted me +exuberantly. + +"Come along now," he commanded, rushing me upstairs. "Come, mother!" + +The elder Mrs. Graham appeared at the door of her room, curiosity +and disapproval struggling with each other in her face. But curiosity +triumphed. With a protesting snort she followed us to the door of the +locked room. Dicky unlocked the door with a flourish and stood aside +for us to enter. + +I gasped as I caught my first sight of the transformed room. Dicky had +not exaggerated--it was wonderful. + +The paper had been taken from the walls, and they and the ceiling had +been painted a soft gray with just a touch of blue in its tint. The +woodwork was ivory-tinted throughout, while the floor was painted a +deeper shade of the gray that covered the walls. + +Almost covering the floor was a gorgeous Chinese rug with wonderful +splashes of blue through it. I knew it must be an imitation of one +costing a fortune, but I realized that Dicky must have paid a pretty +penny even for the counterfeit, for the coloring and design were +cleverly done. + +The blue of the rug was reproduced in every detail of the room. The, +window, draperies, of thin, Oriental fabric, had bands of Chinese +embroidered silk cunningly sewed on them. These bands carried out in +the azure groundwork and the golden threads the motif of the rug. The +cushions, which were everywhere in evidence, were made of the same +embroidered silk which banded the window draperies, while blue strips +of the same material were thrown carelessly over a teakwood table and, +a chest of drawers. + +A chaise lounge of bamboo piled with cushions stood underneath the +windows, which commanded a view of the rolling woodland and meadows +I had found so beautiful. Three chairs of the same material completed +the furnishings of the room, save for a wonderful Chinese screen +reaching almost from the ceiling to the floor, which hid a single iron +bed, painted white, of the type used in hospitals, a small bureau, +also painted white, and a shaving mirror. + +"Don't want any junk about my sleeping quarters," Dicky explained, as +I looked behind the screen. + +"Well, what do you think of it?" he demanded at last, in a hurt tone, +as I finished my inspection of the walls, which were almost covered +with the originals of Dicky's best magazine illustrations, framed in +narrow, black strips of wood. + +"It is truly wonderful, Dicky," I returned, trying to make my voice +enthusiastic. + +I could have raved over the room, for I did think it exquisitely +beautiful, had not my woman's intuition detected that another hand +than Dicky's had helped in its preparation. + +Only a woman's cunning fingers could have fashioned the curtains and +the cushions I saw in profusion about the room. I knew her identity +before Dicky, after pointing out in detail every article of which he +was so proud, said hesitatingly: + +"I wish, Madge, you would telephone Miss Draper and ask her to run +over tomorrow and see the room. You see, I was so anxious to surprise +you that I did not want to have you do any of the work, and she kindly +did all of this needlework for me. I know she is very curious to see +how her work looks." + +"Of course, I will telephone Miss Draper if you wish it, Dicky, but +don't you think you ought to do it yourself? She is your employee, not +mine, and I never have seen her but twice in my life." + +I flatter myself that my voice was as calm as if I had not the +slightest emotional interest in the topic I was discussing. But in +reality I was furiously angry. And I felt that I had reason to be. + +"Now, that's a nice, catty thing to say!" Dicky exploded wrathfully. +"Hope you feel better, now you've got it off your chest. And you can +just trot right along and telephone her yourself. Gee! you haven't +been a martyr for months, have you?" + +When Dicky takes that cutting, ironical tone, it fairly maddens me. I +could not trust myself to speak, so I turned quickly and went out of +the room which had become suddenly hateful to me, and found refuge in +my own. + +My exit was not so swift, however, but that I overheard words of my +mother-in-law's, which were to remain in my mind. + +"Richard," she exclaimed angrily, "you ought to be ashamed of +yourself. You act like a silly fool over this model of yours. What +business did you have asking her to do this needlework for you in the +first place? You ought to have known Margaret would not like it." + +I did not hear Dicky's reply, for I had reached my own room, and, +closing and locking the door, I sat down by the window until I should +be able to control my words and actions. + +For one thing I had determined. I would not have a repetition of +the scenes which Dicky's temper and my own sensitiveness had made of +almost daily occurrence in the earlier months of our marriage. I could +not bring myself to treat Grace Draper with the friendliness which +Dicky appeared to wish from me, but at least I could keep from +unseemly squabbling about her. + +But my heart was heavy with misgiving concerning this friendship of +Dicky's for his beautiful model, as I opened my door and went down the +hall to Dicky's room. My mother-in-law's voice interrupted me. + +"Come in here a minute," she said abruptly, as she trailed her flowing +negligee past me into the living room. + +As I followed her in, wondering, she closed the door behind her. I +saw with amazement that her face was pale, her lips quivering with +emotion. + +"Child," she said, laying her hand with unwonted gentleness on my +shoulder. "I want you to know that I entirely disapprove of this +invitation which Richard has asked you to extend. Of course, you must +use your own judgment in the matter, and it may be wise for you to +do as he asks. But I want to be sure that you are not influenced by +anything I may have said in the past about not opposing Richard in his +whims. + +"He is going too far in this thing," she went on. "I cannot counsel +you. Each woman has to solve these problems for herself. But it may +help you to know that I went through all this before you were born." + +She turned swiftly and went up to her room again. + +Dicky's father! She must mean her life with him! In a sudden, swift, +pitying gleam of comprehension, I saw why my mother-in-law was +so crabbed and disagreeable. Life had embittered her. I wondered +miserably if my life with her son would leave similar marks upon my +own soul. + + + + +XXIV + +A SUMMER OF HAPPINESS THAT ENDS IN FEAR + + +I do not believe I shall ever know greater happiness than was mine +in the weeks following Grace Draper's first visit to our Marvin home. +Many times I looked back to that night when I had lain sobbing on my +bed, fighting the demon of jealousy and gasped in amazement at my own +folly. + +That evening had ended in Dicky's arms on our moonlight veranda, and +ever since he had been the royal lover of the honeymoon days, which +had preceded our first quarrel. I wondered vaguely sometimes if he +had guessed the wild grief and jealousy which had consumed me on that +night, but if he had any inkling of it he made no sign. + +Grace Draper had gone out of our lives temporarily. + +If I had needed reassurance as to Dicky's real feeling for her, the +manner in which he told me the news of her going would have given it +to me. + +"Blast the luck," he growled one evening, after reading a manuscript +which he had been commissioned to illustrate. "Here's something I'll +need Draper for, and she's 200 miles away. I ought to have known +better than to let her go." + +The tone and words were exactly what he would have used if the girl +had been a man or boy in his employ. Even in my surprise at his news, +I recognized this, and my heart leaped exultantly. I was careful, +however, to keep my voice nonchalant. + +"Why, has Miss Draper gone away?" I asked. + +"Oh, that's so, I didn't tell you," he returned carelessly, looking +up from the manuscript. "Yes, she went away two days ago. She has a +grandmother, or aunt, or old party of some kind, down in Pennsylvania, +who is sick and has sent for her. Guess the old girl has scads of coin +tucked away somewhere, and Draper thinks she'd better be around when +the aged relative passes in her checks. Bet a cooky she won't die at +that, but if she's going to, I wish she'd hurry up about it. I need +Draper badly, and she won't be back until the old girl either croaks +or gets better." + +Under other circumstances, the callousness of this speech, the +coarseness of some of the expressions, the calling of Miss Draper by +her surname, would have grated upon me. But I was too rejoiced both at +the girl's departure and the matter of fact way in which Dicky took it +to be captious about the language in which he couched the news of her +going. + +"Grace Draper is gone, is gone." The words set themselves to a little +tune, which lilted in my brain. I felt as if the only obstacle to my +enjoyment of our summer in the country had been removed. + +How I did revel in the long, beautiful summer days! Dicky appeared +to have a great deal of leisure, in contrast to the days crowded with +work, which had been his earlier in the spring. + +"Each year I work like the devil in the spring so as to have the +summer, June especially, comparatively free," he exclaimed one day +when I commented on the fact that he had been to his studio but twice +during the week. + +I had dreamed in my girlhood of vacations like the one I was enjoying, +but the dream had never been fulfilled before. Dicky had fixed up a +tennis court on the, grassy stretch of lawn at the left of the house, +and we played every day. Two horses from the livery were brought +around two mornings each week, and, after a few trials, I was able to +take comparatively long rides with Dicky through the exquisite country +surrounding Marvin. + +Our motor boat trips were frequent also, although Dicky found that it +was more convenient to rent one when he wished it than to enter into +any ownership arrangement with any one else. + +Automobile trips, in which his mother joined us, long rambles through +the woods and meadows which we took alone, little dinners at the +numberless shore resorts, all these made a whirl of enjoyment for me +unlike anything I had ever known. + +I was careful to cater to my mother-in-law's wishes in every way I +could. Either because of my attentions or of the beautiful summer +days, she was much softened in manner, so that there was no +unpleasantness anywhere. + +"This is the bulliest vacation I ever spent," Dicky said one evening, +after a long tramp through the woods. It was one of the frequent +chilly evenings of a Long Island summer, when a fire is most +acceptable. Katie had built a glorious fire of dry wood in the living +room fireplace, and after dinner we stretched out lazily before +it, Mother Graham and I in arm chairs, Dicky on a rug with cushions +bestowed comfortably around him. + +"I am naturally very glad to hear that," I said, demurely, and Dicky +laughed aloud. + +"That's right, take all the credit to yourself," he said, teasingly. +Then as he saw a shadow on my face, for I never have learned to take +his banter lightly, he added in a tone meant for my ear alone: + +"But you are the real reason why it's so bully, old top." + +The very next day, Dicky and I went for a long walk. + +We had nearly reached the harbor, when I saw Dicky start suddenly, +gaze fixedly at some one across the road, and then lift his hat in a +formal, unsmiling greeting. My eyes followed his, and met the cool, +half-quizzical ones of Grace Draper. She was accompanied by a tall, +very good-looking youth, who was bending toward her so assiduously +that he did not see us at all. + +"Why! I didn't know Miss Draper had returned," I said, wondering why +Dicky had kept the knowledge from me. + +"I didn't know it myself," Dicky answered, frowning. "Queer, she +wouldn't call me up. Wonder who that jackanapes with her is, anyway." + +Dicky was moody all the rest of the trip. I know that he has the most +easily wounded feelings of any one in the world, and naturally he +resented the fact that the beautiful model, whom he had befriended and +who was his secretary and studio assistant, had returned from her trip +without letting him know she was at home. + +If I only could be sure that pique at an employee's failure to report +to him was at the bottom of his sulkiness! But the memory of the +good-looking youth who hung over the girl so assiduously was before my +eyes. I feared that the reason for Dicky's moody displeasure was the +presence of the unknown admirer of his beautiful model. + +Of course, all pleasure in the day's outing was gone for me also, +and we were a silent pair as we wandered in and out through the sandy +beaches. Dicky conscientiously, but perfunctorily, pointed out to +me all the things which he thought I would find interesting, and in +which, under any other circumstances, I should have revelled. + +In my resolution to be as chummy with Dicky as possible, I determined +to put down my own feelings toward Grace Draper. But it was an effort +for me to say what I wished to Dicky. We had chatted about many +things, and were nearly home, when I said timidly: + +"Dicky, now that Miss Draper is back, don't you think you and I ought +to call on her and her sister, and have them over to dinner?" + +Dicky frowned impatiently: + +"For heaven's sake, don't monkey with that old cat, Mrs. Gorman. She +is making trouble enough as it is." + +He bit his lip the next instant, as if he wished the words unsaid, +and, for a wonder, I was wise enough not to question him as to +the meaning of the little speech. But into my heart crept my own +particular little suspicious devil--always too ready to come, is this +small familiar demon of mine--and once there he stayed, continually +whispering ugly doubts and queries concerning the "trouble" that Mrs. +Gorman was making over her sister's intimate studio association with +my husband. + +My constant brooding affected my spirits. I found myself growing +irritable. The next day after Dicky and I had seen Miss Draper and her +attendant cavalier on the road to Marvin harbor, Dicky made a casual +reference at the table to the fact that she had returned to the studio +and her work as his secretary and model. + +"She said she called up the studio when she got in, and again +yesterday morning, but I was not in," he said. I realized that the +girl had cleverly soothed his resentment at her failure to notify him +that she had returned from her trip. + +Whether it was the result of my own irritability or not I do not know, +but Dicky seemed to grow more indifferent and absent-minded each day. +He was not irritable with me, he simply had the air of a man absorbed +in some pursuit and indifferent to everything else. + +Grace Draper's attitude toward me puzzled me also. She preserved +always the cool but courteous manner one would use to the most casual +acquaintance, yet she did not hesitate to avail herself of every +possible opportunity to come to the house. Then, two or three times +during the latter part of the summer, I found that she had managed to +join outings of ours. Whether this state of affairs was due to Dicky's +wishes or her own subtle planning I could not determine. + +I struggled hard with myself to treat the girl with friendliness, but +found it impossible. My manner toward her held as much reserve as was +compatible with formal courtesy. Of course, this did not please Dicky. + +Dicky was also developing an unusual sense of punctuality. I always +had thought him quite irresponsible concerning the keeping of his +appointments, and he never had any set time for arriving at his +studio. But he suddenly announced one morning that he must catch the +8:21 train every morning without fail. + +"The next one gets in too late," he said, "and I have a tremendous +amount of work on hand." + +The explanation was plausible enough, but there was something about it +that did not ring true. However, the solution of his sudden solicitude +for punctuality did not come to me until Mrs. Hoch, one of my +neighbors, called with her daughter, Celie, and enlightened me. + +"We just heard something we thought you ought to know," Celie began +primly, "so Ma and I hurried right over, so as to put you on your +guard." + +"Yes," sighed Mrs. Hoch, rocking vigorously as she spoke, "everybody +knows I'm no gossip. I believe if you can't say nothing good about +nobody, you should keep your mouth shut, but I says to Celie as soon +as I heard this, 'Celie,' says I, 'it's our duty to tell that poor +thing what we know.'" + +I started to speak, to stop whatever revelation she wished to make, +but I might as well have attempted to stem a torrent with a leaf +bridge. + +"We've heard things for a long time," Mrs. Hoch went on, "but we +didn't want to say nothin', 'specially as you seemed such friends, her +runnin' here and all. But we noticed she hain't been comin' lately, +and then our Willie, he hears things a lot over at the station, and +he says it's common talk over there that your husband and that Draper +girl are planning to elope. They take the same train every morning +together, come home on the same one at night, and they are as friendly +as anything." + +"Mrs. Hoch," I snapped out, "if I had known what you were going to +say, I would not have allowed you to speak. Your words are an insult +to my husband and myself. You will please to remember never to say +anything like this to me again." + +Mrs. Hoch rose to her feet, her face an unbecoming brick red. Her +daughter's black eyes snapped with anger. + +"Come, Celie," the elder woman said, "I don't stay nowhere to be +insulted, when all I've tried to do is give a little friendly warning +to a neighbor." + +Mother and daughter hurried down the path, chattering to each other, +like two angry squirrels. + +"Horrid, stuck-up thing," I heard Celie say spitefully, as they went +through the fence. "I hope Grace Draper does take him away from +her. She's got a nerve, I must say, talkin' to us like that. I don't +believe she cares anything about her husband, anyway." + +She might have changed her mind had she seen me fly to my room as soon +as she was safely out of sight, lock the door, and bury my face in the +pillows, that neither my mother-in-law nor Katie should hear the sobs +I could not repress. + +"Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!" I moaned. "Have I really lost you?" + +Of course I knew better than to believe the statement of the +elopement. I had seen and heard enough of village life to realize how +the slightest circumstance was magnified by the community loafers. +That Dicky and the girl took the same train, going and coming from +the city, was a fact borne out by my own observations. I had remarked +Dicky's regularity in catching the 8:21 in the mornings, something so +opposed to his usual unpunctual habits, and wondered why. Now I had +the solution. + +I told myself, dully, that I was not surprised; that I had really +known all along something like this was coming. My thoughts went +back to the night, a few weeks before, when I had suffered a similar +paroxysm of grief over Dicky's evident interest in the girl. Then all +my doubts and fears had been swept away in Dicky's arms on the +moonlit veranda. I caught my breath as I realized in all its miserable +certainty the impossibility of any such tender scene now. Dicky and I +seemed as far apart emotionally as the poles. + +But the determination I had reached that other night, before Dicky's +voice and caresses dispelled my doubts, I made my own again. There was +nothing for me to do but to wait quietly, with dignity, until I was +absolutely certain that Dicky no longer loved me. Then I would go +out of his life without scenes or recriminations. I would not lift a +finger to hold him. + +By the time I had gained control of myself once more, Dicky came home. + +"Letter for you," he said, "from the office of your old principal." + +He tossed it into my lap, eyeing it and me curiously. I knew that his +desire to know what was in it had made him remember to give it to me. +His mother, who had opened her door at his step, came forward eagerly. +I opened the letter, to find an offer of my old school position. My +principal wrote that the woman who was appointed to the position had +been suddenly taken ill and could not possibly fill it. He asked me +to write him my decision at once, as it was within a few days of the +opening of the school. + +Mechanically, I read it aloud. My brain was whirling. I wondered if, +perhaps, this was the way out for me. If Dicky really did not love me +any longer, I ought to accept this position, even if by taking it I +broke my agreement with the Lotus Study Club. + +I did not like the thought of leaving the women who had thus honored +me, but, on the other hand, if Dicky and I were to come to the parting +of the ways, I could not refuse this rare chance to get back into the +work I had left for his sake. + +I decided to be guided by his attitude. If he were opposed to my +course, I would know that my actions had ceased to be resentful to +him, and I would accept the position. But if he showed willingness at +the proposition-- + +I did not have long to wait. As I lifted my eyes to his face, when I +had finished reading the letter I saw the old familiar black frown on +his face. I never had thought that my heart would leap with joy at +the sight of Dicky's frown, but it did. Before either of us could say +anything, his mother spoke: + +"Isn't it splendid? You are a most fortunate woman, Margaret, to be +able to step back into a position like that. If it had come earlier, +when my health was so poor, you could not have taken it. Now you can +accept it, for I am perfectly able to run the house. You, of course, +will write your acceptance at once." + +She paused. I knew she expected me to reply. But I closed my lips +firmly. Dicky should be the one to decide this. He did it with +thoroughness. + +"I thought we settled all this rot last spring," he said. "Mother, I +don't want to be disrespectful, but this is my business and Madge's, +not yours. You will refuse, of course, Madge." + +He turned to me in the old imperious manner. Months before I should +have resented it. Now I revelled in it. Dicky cared enough about me, +whether from pride or love, to resent my going back to my work. + +"If you wish it, Dicky," I said quietly. He turned a grateful look at +me. Then his mother's voice sounded imperiously in our ears. + +"I think you have said quite enough, Richard," she said, with icy +dignity. "Will you kindly telegraph Elizabeth that I shall start +for home tomorrow? I certainly shall not stay in a house where I am +flouted as I have been this morning." + + + + +XXV + +PLAYING THE GAME + + +The big house seemed very lonely to me after my mother-in-law's abrupt +departure. I had not dreamed that I could possibly miss the older +woman's companionship, especially after her hateful behavior +concerning my refusal of the school position. + +But when she had left, in dignified dudgeon, for a visit with her +daughter, Elizabeth, I realized that I had come to like her, to +depend upon her companionship more than I had thought possible. If the +country had not been so beautiful I would have proposed going back to +the city. But the tall hedges inclosing the old place were so fresh +and green, the rolling woodland view from my chamber window so +restful, my beds of dahlias, cosmos, marigolds and nasturtiums so +brilliant that I could not bring myself to leave it. + +If I had not had the vague uneasiness concerning Dicky I could have +been perfectly happy in spite of the loneliness. But my uneasiness +concerning Dicky's friendship with Grace Draper was deepening to real +alarm and anger. I had nothing more tangible than the neighborhood +gossip, which I had so thoroughly repulsed when it was offered me +by Mrs. Hoch and her daughter. But Dicky was becoming more and more +distrait, and when he would allow nothing to keep him from taking +the morning train on which Miss Draper traveled to the studio, I +remembered that when we had first come to Marvin he had taken any +forenoon train he happened to choose. + +The second morning after his mother's departure, Dicky almost missed +kissing me good-by in his mad haste to catch his train. He rushed out +of the door after a most perfunctory peck at my cheek, and I saw him +almost running down the little lane bordered with wild flowers that +led "across lots" to the railroad station. + +"I cannot bear this any longer," I muttered to myself, clenching my +hands, as I saw the Hochs, mother and daughter, watching him from +their screened porch, and imagined their satirical comments on his +eagerness to make the train. + +I sat listlessly on the veranda for an hour. Then the ringing of the +telephone roused me. As I took down the receiver I heard the droning +of the long distance operator: "Is this Marvin, 971?" and at my +affirmative answer the husky voice of Lillian Underwood. + +"Hello, my dear." Her voice had the comforting warmth which it had +held for me ever since the memorable day when by her library fire we +had resurrected the secret which her past life and Dicky's shared. +We had buried it again, smoothed out all our misunderstandings in the +process and been sworn friends ever since. + +"Oh, Mrs. Underwood!" My voice was almost a peal of joy. "I am so glad +to hear your voice." + +"Are you very busy? Is there anything you cannot leave for the day?" +She was direct as usual. + +"Only the dog and cat and Katie," I answered. + +"Good. Then what train can you get into town, and where can I meet +you? I want you to lunch with me. I have something important to talk +over with you." + +I hastily consulted my watch. "If I hurry I can catch the 10:21. Where +can I see you? The train reaches the Pennsylvania at 11 o'clock." + +"I'll be in the woman's waiting room at the Pennsylvania, not the Long +Island; the main waiting room. Look for me there. Good-by." + +As soon as I caught sight of Lillian I knew that something was the +matter, or she would not look at me in that way. Impulsively I laid my +hand on hers. + +"Tell me, Mrs. Underwood, is anything the matter?" + +She imprisoned my hand in both of hers and patted it. + +"Nothing that cannot be helped, my dear," she said determinedly. "Now +I am going to forbid asking another question until we have had our +luncheon. I decline to discuss the affairs of the nation or my own on +an empty stomach, and my breakfast this morning consisted of the juice +of two lemons and a small cup of coffee." + +"Why?" I asked mechanically, although I knew the answer. + +"The awful penalty of trying to keep one's figure," she returned +lightly. "But I certainly am going to break training this noon. I am +simply starved." + +Her tone and words were reassuring, although I still felt there was +something behind her light manner which intimately concerned me. But I +had learned to count on her downright honesty, and her words, "Nothing +that cannot be helped, my dear," steadied me, gave me hope that no +matter what trouble she had to tell me, she had also a panacea for it. + +We discussed our luncheon leisurely. Under the influence of the +bracing air, the beautiful view, the delicious viands, I gradually +forgot my worries, or at least pushed them back into a corner of my +brain. + +As we lingered over the ices, Lillian leaned over the table to me. + +"Will you do me a favor?" she asked abruptly. + +"Try me," I smiled back at her. + +"Ask me to your home for a week's stay. I have an idea you need my +fine Italian hand at work about now." + +I looked at her wonderingly, then I began to tremble. + +"Don't look like that," she commanded sharply. "Nothing dreadful is +the matter, but that Dicky bird of yours needs his wings clipped a +bit, and I think I am the person to apply the shears." + +So there was something wrong with Dicky after all! + +"Of course, it's that Draper cat," said Lillian Underwood, and the +indignation in her voice was a salve to my wounded pride. + +"Then you know," I faltered. + +"Of course, I know, you poor child; know, too, how distressed you +have been, although Dicky doesn't dream that I gathered that from his +ingenuous plea for the lady." + +My brain whirled. Dicky making an ingenuous plea to Lillian Underwood +for his protege, Grace Draper! I could not understand it. + +"If Dicky has spoken of my feeling toward Miss Draper, even to you," I +began stormily, feeling every instinct outraged. + +"Don't, dear child." Mrs. Underwood reached her firm, cool hand across +the table, and put it over my hot, trembling fingers. "You can't fight +this thing by getting angry, or by jumping at conclusions. Now, listen +to me." + +There was a peremptory note in her voice that I was glad to obey. I +resolved not to interrupt her again. + +"Don't misunderstand me," she went on, "and please don't be angry when +I say you are about as able to cope with the situation as a new born +baby would be. That's the reason why I want you to let me come down +and be a big sister to you. Will you?" + +"Of course. You know I will," I returned. "But won't Dicky resent--" + +"Dicky won't dream what I'm doing," she retorted tartly, "and when he +does wake up I'll take care of him." + +Always the note of domination of Dicky! Always the calm assumption, +which I knew was justified, that no matter what she did he would not, +remain angry at her! It spoke much for the real liking I felt for +Lillian Underwood that the old resentment I felt for this condition of +things was gone forever. I knew that she was my friend even more than +Dicky's, and her history had revealed to me to what lengths she would +go in loyalty to a friend. + +"You see," she went on, "If the Draper woman were the ordinary type of +model there would be no problem at all. Dicky has always been a sort +of Sir Galahad of the studios and he had been too proud to engage +in even a slight flirtation with any girl in his employ. He is very +sincerely in love with you, too, and that safeguards him from any +influence that is not quite out of the ordinary. + +"But I tell you this Draper girl is a person to be reckoned with. +She is hard as nails, beautiful as the devil, and I believe her to be +perfectly unscrupulous. She is as interested in Dicky as she can be +in any one outside herself, and I think she would like to smash things +generally just to gratify her own egotism." + +"You mean--" I forced the words through stiff lips. + +"I mean she is trying her best to make Dicky fall in love with her, +but she isn't going to succeed." + +"But I am afraid she has succeeded!" The wail broke from me almost +without my own volition. + +"Why?" The monosyllable was sharp with anxiety. + +I knew better than to keep my part of the story from her. I told her +of Dicky's growing coldness to me, his anxiety to get the train upon +which Miss Draper traveled, the neighborhood gossip, his determination +not to have me meet her sister. I also laid bare the coldness with +which I had treated the girl, and my determination never to say a word +which would lead Dicky to believe I was jealous of her. + +When I had finished Lillian leaned back in her chair and laughed +lightly. + +"Is that all?" she demanded. "I thought you had something really +serious to tell me. If you'll do exactly as I tell you we'll beat this +game hands down." + +"I'll do just as you say," I responded, although it humiliated me to +be put in the position of trying to beat any game, the stake of which +was my husband's affections. + +"Well, then, that is settled," she said, rising. "Now, for the first +gun of the campaign. Call Dicky up, tell him you just lunched with me, +and you are ready to go home any time he is." + +"Oh, I can't do that," I said. "I couldn't bear to feel that he might +prefer to take the train with her." + +Lillian came to my side, gripped my shoulder hard, and looked into my +eyes grimly. + +"See here," she said, "are you going to be a baby or a woman in this +thing?" + +I swallowed hard. I knew she was right. + +"I'll do whatever you wish," I responded meekly. + +So I called Dicky on the telephone, and after explaining my unexpected +presence in town, arranged to meet him at the station and go home with +him. + +"Sounds as if we were going to dine with Friend Husband," said +Lillian, as I hung up the receiver. + +"Yes, we are going home by trolley from Jamaica. It ought to be a +beautiful trip. Dicky must have been thinking of such a trip before, +for he told me there was a train to Jamaica at five minutes of four +which connects with the trolley, and he usually gets mixed on the +schedule of the trains from Marvin." + +"What's that?" Lillian stopped short, then turned the subject. "How +would you like to go down to the station on top of a bus?" she asked, +"or would you prefer a taxi?" + +"The bus by all means," I returned. + +"I see we are kindred souls," she said. "I dote on a bus ride myself." + +We were within a few blocks of the railroad station when she said: + +"I hope I am mistaken, but I think Miss Draper will be a member of +your trolley trip home, and I want you to be prepared to act as if it +were the thing you most desired." + +"If you are right, I will not go," I said, a cold fury at my heart. "I +will take the next train home." + +"You will do no such thing." Lillian's voice was imperative. "You +promised you would let me be your big sister in this thing, and you've +got to let me run it my way!" + +"See here, my dear," her tones were caressing now. "You must use the +weapons of a woman of the world in this situation, not those of an +unsophisticated girl. The primitive woman from the East Side would +waltz in and destroy the beauty of any lady she found philandering, +however innocently, with her spouse. The proud, sensitive, +inexperienced woman would have done just what you have contemplated, +go home alone and ignore the wanderers. But, my dear, you must do +neither of those things. You cannot afford to play in Draper's hand +like that." + +"Tell me what I must do," I said wearily. + +"In a minute. First let me put you right on one question. Dicky is not +in love with this girl yet. If he were, he would not wish any meeting +between you and her. He is interested and attracted, of course, as +any impressionable man with an eye for beauty would be if thrown in +constant companionship with her. And, forgive me, but I am sure you +have taken the wrong tack about it. + +"You must dissemble, act a part, meet her feminine wiles with sharper +weapons. Now you have been cold to her, avoided seeing her when +possible, and while not quarreling with Dicky about her, yet +evidencing your disapproval of her in many little ways." + +"It is quite true," I answered miserably. + +"Then turn over a new leaf right now. You may be sure at this minute +that Dicky is worrying more over your attitude toward this trip than +he is over Miss Draper's dimples. He expects you to have a grouch. +Give him a surprise. Greet the lady smilingly, express your pleasure +at having her companionship on your trip, but manage to register +delicately your surprise at her being one of the party. No, better +leave that part to me. You do the pleasant greeting, I'll put over the +catty stuff. But on your honor, until I see you again, will you put +down your feelings and cultivate Grace Draper, letting your attitude +change slowly, so Dicky will suspect nothing?" + +"I'll try," I said faintly. + +"You'll do it," she returned bluntly. "I want her to be almost a +member of the family by the time I get there." + + * * * * * + +The trip by trolley with my husband and Grace Draper through the +beautiful country lying between Jamaica and Hempstead will always +remain in my memory as a turning point in my ideas of matrimony and +its problems. + +Lillian Underwood's talk with me had destroyed all my previous +conceptions of dignified wifely behavior in the face of a problem like +mine. + +So all during the journey home through the fragrant September air, I +paid as much attention to my role of calm friendliness as any actress +would to a first night appearance. Remembering Lillian's advice to +make the transition gradual from the frigid courtesy of my former +meetings with Grace Draper to the friendly warmth we had planned +for our campaign, I adopted the manner one would use to a casual but +interesting acquaintance. + +I kept the conversational ball rolling on almost every topic under the +sun. But I found that the burden of the talk fell on my shoulders. The +girl was plainly uneasy and puzzled at my manner. Dicky's thoughts +I could not fathom, I caught his eyes fixed on me once or twice with +admiration and a touch of bewilderment in them, but he said very +little. + +It was a wonderful night; warm, with the languor of September, +fragrant with the heavy odors of ripening fruit and the late autumn +blossoms. There was no moon, but the long summer twilight had not +yielded entirely to the darkness and the stars were especially bright. + +A night for lovers, for vows given and returned, it was this, if ever +a night was. What a wonderful journey this would have been for me if +only this other woman was not on the other side of my husband! Then +with savage resentment I realized that she might also be thinking what +possibilities the evening would have held for her if I had not been a +third on the little journey. + +Whatever Dicky was thinking I dared not guess. Whatever it was, I was +sure that his thoughts were not dangerously charged with emotion +as were mine and Grace Draper's. I was fiercely glad of his +irresponsibility for the first time. + +"Come on, girls. Here's Crest Haven. I've got a brilliant idea. We'll +get one of these open flivvers they have at the station and motor to +Marvin luxuriously. Beats waiting for the train all hollow." + +I opened my lips to protest against the extravagance, then closed them +without speaking, flushing hotly at the danger I had escaped. Nothing +would have so embarrassed Dicky and delighted Miss Draper as any +display of financial prudence on my part. + +"Oh, Mr. Graham, how wonderful!" Miss Draper gave the impression of +finding her voice mislaid somewhere about her, and deciding suddenly +to use it. "This is just the night for a motor ride." + +Her voice matched the night, cooing, languorous, seductive. I knew +if she had voiced her real thoughts she would have willed that I +be dropped anywhere by the roadside, so that she might have the +enchanting solitude of the ride with Dicky. + +A daring thought flashed into my brain as we stepped into the taxi. +Why not pretend to play into her hand? It would prove to both Dicky +and her that I was indifferent to their close friendship. And I was +secretly anxious to see what way Dicky would reply to my proposition. + +"Dear," I said with emotion, I fancy just the right note of conjugal +tenderness in my voice. "Won't you drop me at the house first before +you take Miss Draper home? I'm afraid I am getting a headache. I've +had a rather strenuous day with Lillian, you know, and I really am +very tired. You will excuse me, I am sure, Miss Draper. I'll try never +to quit like this again. But my headaches are not to be trifled with." + +"I am so sorry." Her voice was conventional, but I caught the under +note of joy. "Of course I will excuse you." + +"Are you sure the ride over there wouldn't do your head good, Madge?" + +"Oh, no, Dicky, I feel that I must get home quickly. But that does not +need to affect your plans. Katie is at home. I do not need you in the +least. Go right along and enjoy your ride. I only wish I felt like +doing it, too." + +I fairly held my breath the rest of the ride. Dicky had not replied to +my suggestion. What would he do when we reached the house? + +The taxi sped along over the smooth roads, turned up the driveway +at the side of the house and halted before the steps of the veranda. +Dicky sprang out, gave his hand to me, and then turned to the driver. + +"Take this lady to Marvin," he said. "She will tell you the street. +How much do I owe you?" + +"One dollar and a half." + +I knew the charge was excessive, but I also knew enough to hold my +tongue about it. Dicky paid the man and spoke to the girl inside. + +"Good night, Miss Draper. You see you will have to enjoy the ride for +both of us." + +"Oh, Dicky!" I protested, but with a fierce little thrill of triumph +at my heart. "This is a shame. Honestly, I do not need you. Go on over +with Miss Draper." + +"Of course he will do no such thing." The girl spoke with finality. I +could imagine the storm of jealous rage that was swaying her. "There +is nothing else for Mr. Graham to do but to stay with you." Her tone +added, "You have compelled him to do so against his will." + +She leaned from the cab. Her face looked ethereally beautiful in the +faint light. I knew she meant to make Dicky regret that he could not +accompany her. + +"Good night," she said sweetly. "I am so sorry you do not feel well. I +sincerely hope you will be better in the morning." + +But as the taxi rolled away, my heart beating a triumphant +accompaniment to the roll of its wheels, I knew she was wishing me +every malevolent thing possible. + +I was glad she could not guess the bitter taste in my cup of victory. +Long after Dicky was asleep, I lay on my porch bed looking out at the +stars and debating over and over the question: + +"Did Dicky refuse to accompany Grace Draper to her home because of +consideration for me, or because he was afraid to trust himself alone +with her?" + + + + +XXVI + +A VOICE THAT CARRIED FAR + + +"Ah! Mrs. Graham, this is an unexpected pleasure." + +Dr. Pettit's eyes looked down into my own with an expression that +emphasized the words he had just uttered. His outstretched hand +clasped mine warmly, his impressive greeting embarrassed me a bit, and +I turned instinctively toward Dicky to see if he had noticed the young +physician's extraordinarily cordial greeting. + +But this I had no opportunity to discover, for as I turned, a taxi +drew up to the curb where the Underwoods--who had come down to spend +the promised week with us--Dicky and I were waiting for the little +Crest Haven Beach trolley and Dicky sprang to meet Grace Draper and +the Durkees--Alfred Durkee and his mother, who completed our party for +the motor boat trip. + +"I am very glad to see you, Dr. Pettit," I murmured conventionally, +then hurriedly: "Pardon me a moment, I must greet these guests. I will +be back." + +When I turned again to him after welcoming Grace Draper with forced +friendliness, and the Durkees with the real warmth of liking I felt +for them, I found him talking to Lillian. + +Dr. Pettit, it appeared, was waiting for the same car we wished to +take, and no one looking at our friendly chatting group would have +known that he did not belong to the party. + +It was when we were all seated comfortably in the trolley, bowling +merrily along over the grass-strewn track, that Lillian voiced a +suggestion which had sprung into my own mind, but to which I did not +quite know how to give utterance. + +"Look here," she said brusquely, "I'm not the hostess of this party, +but I'm practically one of the family, so I feel free to issue an +invitation if I wish. Dr. Pettit, what's the matter with you joining +our party for the day? Dicky here has been howling for another man to +help lug the grub all morning. Unless you are set on a solitary day +that man 'might as well be you'"--she punctuated the parody with a +mocking little moue. + +I had a sneaking little notion that Dicky would have been glad of the +opportunity to box Lillian's ears for her suggestion. I do not think +he enjoyed the idea of adding Dr. Pettit to the party, but, of course, +in view of what she had said there was nothing for him to do but to +pretend a cordial acquiescence in her suggestion. + +"That's the very thing," he said, with a heartiness which only I, and +possibly Lillian, could dream was assumed. "Lil, you do occasionally +have a gleam of human intelligence, don't you? + +"I do hope that you have no plan that will interfere with coming with +us," he said to the physician. "We have a big boat chartered down here +at the beach, and we're going to loaf along out to one of the 'desert +islands' and camp for the day." + +"That sounds like a most interesting program," said the young +physician. His voice held a note of hesitation, and he looked swiftly, +inquiringly, at me and back again. It was so carelessly done that I do +not think any one noticed it, but I realized that he was waiting for +me to join my voice to the invitation. + +"Well, Dr. Pettit," Dicky came up at this juncture, "out for the day?" + +His tone was cordial enough, but I, who knew every inflection of +Dicky's voice, realized that he did not relish the appearance of Dr. +Pettit upon the scene. + +"Yes, I'm going down to the shore for a dip," the young physician +returned. And then without the stiff dignity which I had seen in his +professional manner, he acknowledged the introductions which I gave +him to Grace Draper and the Durkees. + +"I trust you will think it interesting enough to make it worth +your while to join us," I said demurely, lifting my eyes to his and +catching a swift flash of something which might be either relief or +triumph in his steely gray ones. + +"Indeed, I shall be very glad to accompany you," he said, smiling. + +Our boat, a large, comfortable one, built on lines of usefulness, +rather than beauty, slipped over the dancing blue waters of the bay +like an enchanted thing. A neat striped awning was stretched over the +rear of the boat beneath which we lounged at ease. + +The boat sped on as lazily as our idle conversation, and finally we +came in sight of a gleaming beach of sand, with seaweed so luxuriantly +tangled that it looked like small clumps of bushes, with the calm, +still water of the bay on one side, and the lazily rolling surf on the +other. + +"Behold our desert island!" Dicky exclaimed dramatically, springing to +his feet. + +Jim ran the boat skilfully up on the beach and grounded her. Harry +Underwood stepped forward to assist me ashore, but Dr. Pettit, with +unobtrusive quickness, was before him. + +As I laid my hand in that of the young physician, Harry Underwood gave +a hoarse stage laugh. "I told you so," he croaked maliciously; "I knew +I had a rival on my hands." + +As Harry Underwood uttered his jibing little speech, Dicky raised his +head and looked fixedly at me. It was an amazed, questioning look, one +that had in it something of the bewilderment of a child. In another +instant he had turned away to answer a question of Grace Draper's. + +I felt my heart beating madly. Was Dicky really taking notice of the +attentions which Harry Underwood and Dr. Pettit were bestowing upon +me? I had not time to ponder long, however, for Lillian Underwood +seized my arm almost as soon as we stepped on shore and walked me away +until we were out of earshot of the others. + +"Did you see Dicky's face," she demanded breathlessly, "when Harry and +that lovely doctor of yours were doing the rival gallant act? It was +perfectly lovely to see his lordship so puzzled. That doctor friend of +yours was certainly sent by Providence just at this time. Just keep up +a judicious little flirtation with him and I'll wager that before +the week's out Dicky will have forgotten such a girl as Grace Draper +exists." + +If it had not been for the memory of Lillian's advice ringing in +my ears, I think I should have much astonished Dr. Pettit and Harry +Underwood when they started into the surf with me. + +The whole situation was most annoying to me. And, besides, it was +so unutterably silly! I might have been any foolish school girl of +seventeen, with a couple of immature youths vying for my smiles, for +any reserve or dignity there was in the situation. + +My fingers itched to astonish each of the smirking men with a sound +box on the ear. But my fiercest anger was against Dicky. If he had +been properly attentive to me, Mr. Underwood and Dr. Pettit would have +had no opportunity, indeed would not have dared, to pay me the idiotic +compliments, or to offer the silly attentions they had given me. + +But Dicky and Grace Draper were romping in the surf, like two +children, splashing water over each other, and running hand in hand +toward the place far out on the sand--for it was low tide--where they +could swim. + +They might have been alone on the beach for anything their appearance +showed to the contrary. And yet as I gazed I saw Dicky look past the +girl in my direction, with a quick, furtive, watching glance. + +As they went farther into the surf, he sent another glance over his +shoulder toward me. + +As I caught it, guessing that in all his apparent interest in Grace +Draper he was yet watching me and my behavior, something seemed to +snap in my brain. + +I would give him something to watch! + +With a swift movement I slipped a little bit away from the two men by +my side, and, filling my hands with water, splashed it full into the +face of Harry Underwood. + +"Dare you to play blind man's buff," I said gayly, sending another +handful into Dr. Pettit's face, and then slipping adroitly to one side +I laughed with, I fancy, as much mischief as any hoyden of sixteen +could have put into her voice, at the picture the men made trying to +get the salt water out of their eyes. + +I had no compunctions on the score of their discomfort, for I felt +that I had a score to settle with each of them. The way in which each +took my rudeness, however, was characteristic of the men. + +Harry Underwood's face grew black for a minute, then it cleared and he +laughed boisterously. + +"You little devil," he said, "I'll pay you for that. Ever get kissed +under water? Well, that's what will happen to you before this day is +over." + +Dr. Pettit's face did not change, but into his gray eyes came a +little steely glint. He said nothing, only smiled at me. But there was +something about both smile and eyes that made me more uncomfortable +than Harry Underwood's bizarre threat. + +I was so unskilled in this game of banter and flirtation that I was at +a loss what to say. Recklessly I grasped at the first thing which came +into my mind. + +"You'll have to catch me first," I said, daringly, and turning, ran +swiftly out toward the open sea. I am only a fair swimmer, but the sea +was unusually calm, so that I went much farther than I otherwise would +have dared. + +When I found the water getting too deep for walking I started +swimming. As I swam I looked over my shoulder. The two men were +following me, both swimming easily. Dr. Pettit was in the lead, but +Harry Underwood, with powerful strokes, was not far behind him. I +concluded that Dr. Pettit had been the swifter runner, but that the +other man was the better swimmer. + +As I saw them coming toward me, I realized that I had given them a +challenge which each in his own way would probably take up. I was +dismayed. I felt that I could not bear the touch of either man's hand. + +In another moment my punishment had come. + +Dr. Pettit overtook me, stretched out his hand, just touched me with +a caressing, protecting little gesture, and said in a low tone, "Don't +be afraid, little girl: If you will accord me the privilege, I will +see that your friend does not get a chance of fulfilling his threat." + +I knew that he intended his words for my ear alone, but he had not +counted on Harry Underwood's quick ear. That gentleman swam lazily +toward us, saying as he passed us, with a malicious little grin: + +"Better go slow upon that protecting-heroine-from-villain stunt. I see +Friend Husband is getting a bit restless." + +He forged on into the surf, with long, powerful strokes that yet had +the curious appearance of indolence which invests every action of his. + +Startled at his words, I looked toward the place where I had last seen +Dicky romping in the waves with Grace Draper. + +The girl was swimming by herself. Dicky, with rapid strokes, was +coming toward us. + +"For the love of heaven, Madge!" he said, angrily, as he came up to +us. "Haven't you any more sense than to come away out here? This sea +is calm, but it is treacherous, and you are farther out than you have +ever gone before. Come back with me this minute." + +The sight of Grace Draper swimming by herself gave me an inspiration. +The game which Lillian had advised me to play was certainly +succeeding. I would keep it up. + +"Have you taken leave of your senses?" I demanded, assuming an +indignation I did not feel. "Dr. Pettit was saying nothing to me that +could possibly interest you." I felt a little twinge of conscience at +the fib, but I had too much at stake to hesitate over a quibble. "As +for casting sheep's eyes, as you so elegantly express it, you've been +doing so much of it yourself that I suppose it is natural for you to +accuse other people of it." + +"Now what do you mean by that?" Dicky demanded, staring at me with +such an innocent air that I could have laughed if I had not been +thoroughly angry at his silly attempt to misunderstand me. + +"Don't be silly, Dicky," I said, pettishly; "I can swim perfectly +well out here and even if anything should happen, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood are surely good swimmers enough to take care of me." I could +not resist putting that last little barbed arrow into my quiver, for +Dicky, while a good swimmer, even I could see, was not as skillful as +either Mr. Underwood or Dr. Pettit. + +Dicky waited a long moment before answering, then he spoke tensely, +sternly: + +"Madge, answer me, are you coming back with me now, or are you not?" + +The tone in which he put the question was one which I could not brook, +even at the risk of seriously offending Dicky. An angry refusal was +upon my lips when Harry Underwood's voice saved me the necessity of a +reply. + +"There, there, Dicky-bird, keep your bathing suit on," he admonished, +roughly; "of course, she'll go back, we'll all go back, a regular +triumphal procession with beautiful heroine escorted by watchful +husband, treacherous villain and faithful friend." He grinned at Dr. +Pettit, and we all swam back to shallower water, Dr. Pettit and Mr. +Underwood gradually edging off some distance away from Dicky and me. + +I could not help smiling at the ludicrous aspect we must have +presented. Dicky must have been watching me narrowly, for he suddenly +growled: + +"To the devil with Grace Draper!" Dicky cried, and his voice was +louder, carried farther than he realized. "I'm not bothering about +her. She's getting on my nerves anyway; but you happen to be my wife, +and what you do is my concern, don't you forget that, my lady." + + + + +XXVII + +"HOW NEARLY I LOST YOU!" + + +Dicky and I had been so engrossed in our quarrel that we had not +noticed our proximity to Grace Draper. Whether she had purposely +approached us or not, I could not tell. At any rate, when, after +Dicky's outburst of jealous anger against Dr. Pettit and my retort +concerning his model, he had cried out loudly, "To the devil with +Grace Draper! I'm not bothering about her. She's getting on my nerves +anyway," I heard a choking little gasp from behind me, and, turning +swiftly, saw the girl standing quite near to us. + +Except when excited, Grace Draper never has any color, but the usual +clear pallor of her face had changed to a grayish whiteness. I had +reason enough to hate the girl, I had schemed with Lillian to save +Dicky from her influence, but in that moment, as I gazed at her, I +felt nothing but deep pity for her. + +For all the poise and pretence of the girl was stripped from her. She +was a ghastly, pitiable sight, as she stood there, her big eyes fixed +on Dicky, her breath coming unevenly in shuddering gasps. + +Then she glanced at me and her eyes held mine for a moment, +fascinated; then, with a little shrug of her shoulders, she turned +away, and I knew that the danger of Dicky's realizing her agitation +was passed. + +"What are you looking at so earnestly?" Dicky demanded. + +Without waiting for an answer, he turned swiftly, following my gaze, +and catching sight of the retreating back of Grace Draper. + +"Good Lord!" he gasped in consternation. "Do you suppose she heard +what I said?" + +"Oh, I'm sure she didn't," I replied mendaciously. + +Dicky looked at me curiously. Whether he believed me or not I do not +know. At any rate, he did not press the question. + +Neither did he again refer to Dr. Pettit, to my sincere relief. + +We made a merry picnic of our impromptu luncheon, and after it, +when we were dried by the sun, we spent a comfortable lazy two hours +lounging on the beach. + +If I had not seen Grace Draper's blanched face and the terrible look +in her eyes when she had heard Dicky's exclamation of indifference +toward her, I would not have dreamed that her heart held any other +emotion except that of happy enjoyment of the day. She laughed and +chatted as if she had not a care in the world, directing much of her +conversation to me. It crossed my mind that for some reason of her +own she was trying to make it appear to every one that we were on +especially friendly terms. + +It was after one of Dicky's periodical trips to Jim's fire, which +Harry Underwood did not allow him to forget, and his report that the +dinner would be shortly forthcoming, that Grace Draper rose and said +carelessly: "Suppose we all have another dip before dinner; there +won't be time before we leave for a swim afterward, and the water is +too fine to miss going in once more. What do you say, Mrs. Graham? +Will you race me?" + +I saw Lillian's quick little gesture of dissuasion, and through me +there crept an indefinable shrinking from going with the girl, but the +men were already chasing each other through the shallow water, and I +did not wish to humiliate my guest by refusing to go with her. + +"It can hardly be called a race," I answered quietly, "for you swim so +much better than I, but I will do my best." + +I followed her into the water with every appearance of enjoyment, and +exerted every ounce of my strength to try to keep up with her rush +through the waves. + +I knew she was not exerting her full strength, for she is a +magnificent swimmer, but I found that I had all I could do to keep +pace with her. She seemed to be bent on showing off her skill to me, +or else she was, trying to test my nerves by teasing me. + +I knew that she was able to swim under the water when she chose, but +that did not accustom me to the frequent sudden disappearances which +she made, or to her equally sudden reappearances above the surface of +the water. + +She would dash on ahead of me a few yards, then her head would +disappear beneath the waves. The next thing I knew she would bob up +almost at my side. There was a fascination about this skill of hers +which gripped me. I was so engrossed in watching her that I did not +realize how far out we had gone until at one of her quick turns, I, +following her, caught a glimpse of the beach. + +To my overwrought imagination it seemed miles away. I suddenly felt an +overwhelming terror of the cloudless sky, the rolling waves, even of +the girl who had brought me out so far. + +I looked wildly around for her, but could not see her anywhere. +Evidently she was indulging in one of her underwater tricks. I turned +blindly toward the shore. As I did so I felt a sudden jerk, a quick +clutch at my foot, a clutch that dragged me down relentlessly. + +I remembered gasping, struggling, fighting for life, with an awful +sensation of being sunk in a gulf of blackness. I fancied I heard +Lillian Underwood's voice in a piercing scream. Then I knew nothing +more. + +The next thing I remember was a voice. "There, she's coming out of it. +Let me have that brandy," and then I felt a spoon inserted between my +teeth and something fiery trickled gently drop by drop in my throat. +The voice was that of Dr. Pettit. + +With a gasp as the pungent liquid almost strangled me, I opened my +eyes to find that the physician's arm was supporting my shoulder and +his hand holding the spoon to my lips. + +"Oh, thank God, thank God," some one groaned brokenly on the other +side of me, and I turned my eyes to meet Dicky's face bent close to +mine and working with emotion. + +"She is all right now," the physician said, reassuringly. "She will +suffer far more from the shock than from any real damage by her +immersion. Get her into the tent." He turned to Mrs. Underwood and +said: "Rub her down hard, and if there are any extra wraps in the +party put them around her. Give her a stiff little dose of this." He +handed Lillian the brandy flask. "Then bring her out into the sunshine +again. She'll be all right in a little while." + +Dicky picked me up in his arms as the physician spoke, as if I had +been a child, and strode with me toward the improvised tent Dr. Pettit +had indicated. + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart, suppose I had lost you," he said brokenly, +and then, manlike, reproachfully even in the intensity of his emotion: +"What possessed you to go out so far? If it hadn't been for Grace +Draper being on hand when you went down, you would never have come +back. Harry and I were too far away when Lil screamed to be of any +use. But by the time we got there Miss Draper had you by the hair and +was towing you in." + +My brain was too dazed to comprehend much of what Dicky was saying, +but one remark smote on my brain like a sledge hammer. + +Grace Draper had saved my life! Why, if I had any memory left at all, +Grace Draper had-- + +Lillian came forward swiftly and placed a restraining finger on my +lips. + +"You mustn't talk yet," she admonished; then to Dicky, "Run away now, +Dicky-bird, and give Mrs. Durkee and me a chance to take care of her." +Little Mrs. Durkee's sweet, anxious face was close to Lillian's. "Yes, +Dicky," she echoed, "hurry out now." + +Dicky waited long enough to kiss me, a long, lingering, tender kiss +that did more to revive me than the brandy, and then went obediently +away while Mrs. Durkee and Lillian ministered to me as only tender and +efficient women can. + +When I was nearly dressed again, Lillian turned to Mrs. Durkee: "Would +you mind getting a cup of coffee for this girl?" she asked. "I know +Jim and Katie have some in preparation out there." + +"Of course," Mrs. Durkee returned, and fluttered away. + +She had no sooner gone than Lillian gathered me in her arms with +a protecting, maternal gesture, as if I had been her own daughter +restored to her. + +"Quick," she demanded fiercely, "tell me just what happened out there +when you went under. Did you get a cramp or what?" + +I waited a moment before answering. The suspicion that had come to my +brain was so horrible that I did not wish to utter it even to Lillian. + +"I think it must have been the undertow," I said feebly. "I felt +something like a clutch at my feet dragging me down." + +Lillian's face hardened. Into her eyes came a revengeful gleam. + +"Undertow!" she ejaculated, "you poor baby! Your undertow was that +Draper devil's calculating hand!" + +I stared at Lillian, horrified. + +"But Lillian," I protested, faintly, "how is it that they all say she +saved my life? If she really tried to drown me why didn't she let me +go?" + +"Got cold feet," returned Lillian, laconically. "You see she isn't +naturally evil enough deliberately to plan to kill you. I give her +credit for that with all her devilishness, but something happened +today between her and Dicky. I don't know what it was that drove her +nearly frantic. I saw her look at you two or three times in a way that +chilled my blood. I didn't like the idea of your going out there with +her, but I didn't see any way of stopping you. + +"Now, there's one thing I want you to promise me," she went on, +hurriedly. "Although I know you well enough to know it's something you +would do anyway without a promise. I don't want you to hint to anyone, +even Dicky, what you know of the Draper's attempt to put you out of +commission. It's the chance I've been looking for, the winning card I +needed so badly. I won't need to stay a week with you, my dear, as I +thought when I first planned my little campaign to get Dicky out of +the Draper's clutches. I can go home tonight if I wish to, with my +mission accomplished." + +"Why, what do you mean?" I asked. + +"Just this," retorted Lillian, "that I'm going to spring the nicest +little case of polite blackmail on Grace Draper before the day is over +that you ever saw. + +"I shall need you when I do it, so be prepared, although you won't +need to say anything. + +"But here comes Mrs. Durkee with the coffee. Do you think, after you +drink it, you'll feel strong enough to have me tackle Grace Draper?" + +I shivered inwardly, but bent my head in assent. Lillian had proved +too good a friend of mine for me to go against her wishes in anything. + +After I had drunk the steaming coffee, with Mrs. Durkee looking on in +smiling approval, Lillian made another request of the cheery little +woman. + +"Would you mind asking Miss Draper to come here a moment?" she said +quietly. "Mrs. Graham wants to thank her, and then do hunt up that +husband of mine and tell him to rig up some sort of couch for Mrs. +Graham, so she can lie down while we have our dinner. We can all take +turns feeding her." + +As Mrs. Durkee hurried out, eager to help in any way possible, Lillian +turned to me grimly. + +"That will keep her out of the way while we have our seance with the +Draper. Now brace up, my dear; just nod or shake your head when I give +you the cue." + +It seemed hours, although in reality it was only a moment or two +before Grace Draper parted the improvised sail curtains and stood +before us. I think she knew something of what we wished, for her face +held the grayish whiteness that had been there when she heard Dicky's +impatient words concerning her. But her head was held high, her eyes +were unflinching as she faced us. + +"Miss Draper," Lillian began, her voice low and controlled, but deadly +in its icy grimness, "we won't detain you but a moment, for we are +going to get right down to brass tacks. + +"I know exactly what happened out there in the surf a little while +ago. I was watching from the shore, and saw enough to make me +suspicious, and what I have learned from Mrs. Graham has confirmed my +suspicions." She glanced toward me. + +"You felt a hand clutch your foot and then drag you down, did you not, +Madge?" + +I nodded weakly, conscious only of the terrible burning eyes of Miss +Draper fixed upon me. + +"It is a lie," Miss Draper began, fiercely, but Lillian held up her +hand in a gesture that appeared to cow the girl. + +"Don't trouble either to deny or affirm it," she said icily. "There is +but one thing I wish to hear from your lips; it is the answer to this +question: Will you take the offer Mr. Underwood made you, to get you +that theatrical engagement, and, having done this, will you keep out +of Dicky Graham's way for every day of your life hereafter? I don't +mind telling you that if you do this I shall keep my mouth closed +about this thing; if you do not, I shall call the rest of the party +here now and tell them what I know." + +"Mr. Graham will not believe you," the girl said through stiff lips. +Her attitude was like the final turning of an animal at bay. + +"Don't fool yourself," Lillian retorted caustically. "I am Mr. +Graham's oldest friend. He would believe me almost more quickly than +he would his wife, for he might think that his wife was prejudiced +against you. + +"I am not a patient woman, Miss Draper. Don't try me too far. Take +this offer, or take the consequences." + +The girl stood with bent head for a long minute, as Lillian flared +out her ultimatum, then she lifted it and looked steadily into Mrs. +Underwood's eyes. + +"Remember, I admit nothing," she said defiantly, "but, of course, I +accept your offer. There is nothing else for me to do in the face of +the very ingenious story which you two have concocted between you." + +She turned and walked steadily out of the tent. + +Her words, the blaze in her eyes, the very motion of her body, was +magnificently insolent. + +"She's a wonder!" Lillian admitted, drawing a deep breath, as the girl +vanished. "I didn't think she had bravado enough to bluff it out like +that." + +"And now my dear," Lillian spoke briskly, "just lean your head against +my shoulder, shut your eyes, and try to rest for a little; I know that +sand with a rain coat covering doesn't make the most comfortable couch +in the world, but I think I can hold you so that you may be able to +take a tiny nap." + +What Dicky surmised concerning the events of the afternoon, I do not +know. He must have known that the girl was madly in love with him. +Something had happened to put an end to the infatuation into which he +had been slipping so rapidly. + +Had he become tired of the girl's open pursuit of him? Had he guessed +to what lengths her desperation had driven her? Had the shock of my +narrow escape from drowning startled him into a fresh realization of +his love for me? + +I felt too weak even to guess the solution of the riddle. All I wanted +to do was to nestle close to Dicky's side, to be taken care of and +petted like a baby. + +The ride home through the sunset was a quiet one. To me it was one of +the happiest hours of my life. + +Dicky, fussing over me as if I were a fragile piece of china, sat in +the most sheltered corner of the boat, and held me securely against +him, protecting me with his arm from any sudden lurch or jolt the boat +might give. + +Seemingly by a tacit agreement, the others of the party left us to +ourselves. They talked in subdued tones, apparently unwilling to spoil +the wonderful beauty of the twilight ride home with much conversation. + +When the boat landed, Harry Underwood, at Dicky's suggestion, +telephoned for taxis to meet the little trolley, upon which we +journeyed from the beach to Crest Haven. One of these bore the Durkees +and Grace Draper to their homes; the other was to carry Harry and +Lillian, with Dicky and me, to the old Brennan house. + +Dr. Pettit, who was to take a train back to the city, came up to us +after we were seated in the taxi: + +"I would advise that you go directly to bed, Mrs. Graham," he said, +with his most professional air. "You have had an unusual shock, and +rest is the one imperative thing." + +I felt that common courtesy demanded that I extend an invitation to +the physician to call at our home when next he came to Marvin, but +fear of Dicky's possible displeasure tied my tongue. I could not do +anything to jeopardize the happiness so newly restored to me. + +To my great surprise, however, Dicky impulsively extended his hand and +smiled upon the young physician: + +"Thanks ever so much, old man," he said cordially, "for the way you +pulled the little lady through this afternoon. Don't forget to come to +see us when next you're in Marvin." + +I was tucked safely into Dicky's bed, which he insisted on my sharing, +saying that he could take care of me better there than in my own room, +when he gave me the explanation of his cordiality. + +"I'm not particularly stuck on that doctor chap," he said, tucking +the coverlet about me with awkward tenderness, "but I'm so thankful +tonight I just can't be sour on anybody." + +"Sweetheart, sweetheart!" He put his cheek to mine. "To think how +nearly I lost you!" And my heart echoed the exclamation could not +speak aloud: + +"Ah! Dicky, to think how nearly I lost YOU." + + + + +XXVIII + +A DARK NIGHT AND A TROUBLED DAWN + + +"How many more trains are there tonight?" + +Lillian Underwood's voice was sharp with anxiety. My voice reflected +worry, as I answered her query. + +"Two, one at 12:30, and the last, until morning, 2 o'clock." + +"Well, I suppose we might as well lie down and get some sleep. They +probably will be out on the last train." + +"You don't suppose," I began, then stopped. + +"That they've slipped off the water wagon?" Lillian returned grimly. +"That's just what I'm afraid of. We will know in a little while, +anyway. Harry will begin to telephone me, and keep it up until he gets +too lazy to remember the number. Come on, let's get off these clothes +and get into comfortable negligees. We probably shall have a long +night of worry before us." + +I obeyed her suggestion, but I was wild with an anxiety which Lillian +did not suspect. My question, which she had finished for me, had not +meant what she had thought at all. In fact, until she spoke of it, +that possibility had not occurred to me. + +It was a far different fear that was gripping me. I was afraid that +Grace Draper had failed to keep the bargain she had made with Lillian +to keep out of Dicky's way, in return for Lillian's silence concerning +the Draper girl's mad attempt to drown me during our "desert island +picnic." + +Whether or not my narrow escape from death had brought Dicky to a +realization of what we meant to each other, I could not tell. At any +rate, he never had been more my royal lover than in the five days +since my accident. Indeed, since that day he had made but one trip to +the city beside this with Harry Underwood, the return from which we +were so anxiously awaiting. When the men left in the morning they had +told us not to plan dinner at home, but to be ready to accompany them +to a nearby resort for a "shore dinner," as they were coming out on +the 5 o'clock train. No wonder that at 10:30 Lillian and I were both +anxious and irritated. + +Dicky's behavior toward me, since death so nearly gripped me, +certainly had given me no reason to doubt that his infatuation +for Grace Draper was at an end. But no one except myself knew how +apparently strong her hold had been on Dicky through the weeks of the +late summer, nor how ruthless her own mad passion for him was. Had she +reconsidered her bargain? Was she making one last attempt to regain +her hold upon Dicky? + +The telephone suddenly rang out its insistent summons. I ran to it, +but Lillian brushed past me and took the receiver from my trembling +hand. + +I sank down on the stairs and clutched the stair rail tightly with +both hands to keep from falling. + +"Yes, yes, this is Lil, Harry. What's the matter? + +"Seriously? + +"Where are you? + +"Yes, we were coming, anyway. Yes, we'll bring Miss Draper's sister. +Don't bother to meet us. We'll take a taxi straight from the station." + +Staggering with terror, I caught her hand, and prevented her putting +the receiver back on its hook. + +"Is Dicky dead?" I demanded. + +"No, no, child," she said soothingly. + +"I don't believe it," I cried, maddened at my own fear. "Call him to +the 'phone. Let me hear his voice myself, then I'll believe you." + +She took the receiver out of my grip, put it back upon the hook, +and grasped my hands firmly, holding them as she would those of a +hysterical child. + +"See here, Madge," she said sternly, "Dicky is very much alive, but he +is hurt slightly and needs you. We have barely time to get Mrs. Gorman +and that train. Hurry and get ready." + + * * * * * + +Dicky's eager eyes looked up from his white face into mine. His voice, +weak, but thrilling with the old love note, repeated my name over and +over, as if he could not say it enough. + +I sank on my knees beside the bed in which Dicky lay. I realized in a +hazy sort of fashion that the room must be Harry Underwood's own bed +chamber, but I spent no time in conjecture. All my being was fused in +the one joyous certainty that Dicky was alive and in my arms, and +that I had been assured he would get well. I laid my face against +his cheek, shifted my arms so that no weight should rest against his +bandaged left shoulder, which, at my first glimpse of it, had caused +me to shudder involuntarily. + +"If you only knew how awful I felt about this," Dicky murmured, +contritely, and, as I raised my eyes to look at him, his own +contracted as with pain. + +"It's a fine mess I've brought you into by my carelessness this +summer, but I swear I didn't dream--" + +I laid my hand on his lips. + +"Don't, sweetheart," I pleaded. "It is enough for me to know that you +are safe in my arms. Nothing else in the world matters. Just rest and +get well for me." + +He kissed the hand against his lips, then reached up the unbandaged +arm, and with gentle fingers pulled mine away. + +"But there is one thing I must talk about," he said solemnly, +"something you must do for me, Madge, for I cannot get up from here +to see to it. It's a hard thing to ask you to do, but you are so brave +and true, I know you will understand. Tell me, is that poor girl going +to die?" + +"I--I don't know, Dicky," I faltered, salving my conscience with +the thought that he must not be excited with the knowledge of Grace +Draper's true condition. + +"Poor girl," he sighed. "I never dreamed she looked at things in the +light she did, but I feel guilty anyhow, responsible. She must have +the best of care, Madge, best physicians, best nurses, everything. I +must meet all expenses, even to the ones which will be necessary if +she should die." + +He brought out the last words fearfully. Little drops of moisture +stood on his forehead. I saw that the shock of the girl's terrible act +had unnerved him. + +Nerving myself to be as practical and matter-of-fact as possible, I +wiped the moisture from his brow with my handkerchief and patted his +cheek soothingly. + +"I will attend to everything," I promised, "just as if you were able +to see to it. But you must do something for me in return; you must +promise not to talk any more and try and go to sleep." + +"My own precious girl," he sighed, happily, and then drowsily-- + +"Kiss me!" + +I pressed my lips to his. His eyes closed, and with his hand clinging +tightly to mine, he slept. + +How long I knelt there I do not know. No one came near the room, but +through the closed door I could hear the hushed hurry and movement +which marks a desperate fight between life and death. + +I felt numbed, bewildered. I tried to visualize what was happening +outside the room, but I could not. I felt as if Dicky and I had come +through some terrible shipwreck together and had been cast up on this +friendly piece of shore. + +I knew that later I would have to face my own soul in a rigid +inquisition as to how far I had been to blame for this tragedy. I had +been married less than a year, and yet my husband was involved in a +horrible complication like this. + +But my brain was too exhausted to follow that line of thought. I was +content to rest quietly on my knees by the side of Dicky's bed, with +his hand in mine and my eyes fixed on his white face with the long +lashes shadowing it. + +At first I was perfectly comfortable, then after a while little +tingling pains began to run through my back and limbs. + +I dared not change my position for fear of disturbing Dicky, so I +set my teeth and endured the discomfort. The sharpness of the pain +gradually wore away as the minutes went by, and was succeeded by a +distressing feeling of numbness extending all over my body. + +Just as I was beginning to feel that the numbness must soon extend to +my brain, the door opened and some one came quietly in. + +My back was to the door, and so careful were the footsteps crossing +the room that I could not tell who the newcomer was until I felt a +firm hand gently unclasping my nervous fingers from Dicky's. Then I +looked up into the solicitous face of Dr. Pettit. + +"How is it that you have been left alone here so long?" he inquired +indignantly, yet keeping his voice to the professional low pitch of a +sick room. He put his strong, firm hands under my elbows, raised me to +my feet and supported me to a chair, for my feet were like pieces of +wood. I could hardly lift them. + +"How long have you been kneeling there?" he demanded. "You would have +fainted away if you had stayed there much longer." + +"I do not know," I replied faintly, "but it doesn't matter. Tell me, +is my husband all right, and how badly is he hurt?" + +"He is not hurt seriously at all," the physician replied. "The bullet +went through the fleshy part of his left arm. It was a clean wound, +and he will be around again in no time." + +He walked to Dicky's bed, bent over him, listened to his breathing, +straightened, and came back to me. + +"He is doing splendidly," he said, "but you are not. You are on the +point of collapse from what you have undergone tonight. You must lie +down at once. If there is no one else to take care of you, I must do +it." + +I felt as if I could not bear to answer him, even to raise my eyes +to meet his. I do not know how long the intense silence would have +continued. Just as I felt that I could not bear the situation any +longer, Lillian Underwood came into the room, bringing with her, as +she always does, an atmosphere of cheerful sanity. + +"What is the matter?" she asked. Her tone was low and guarded, but in +it there was a note of alarm, and the same anxiety shown from her eyes +as she came swiftly toward me. + +"Mrs. Graham is in danger of a nervous collapse if she does not have +rest and quiet soon," Dr. Pettit returned gravely. "Will you see that +she is put to bed at once? Mr. Graham will do very well for a while +alone, although when you have made Mrs. Graham comfortable, I wish you +would come back and sit with him." + +Lillian put her strong arms around me and led me through the door into +the outer hall. + +"But who is with Miss Draper?" I protested faintly, as we started down +the stairs toward the first floor. + +"Her sister and one of the best trained nurses in the city," Lillian +responded. "Besides, Dr. Pettit will go immediately back to her room." + +"But Dicky, there is no one with Dicky," I said, struggling feebly in +an attempt to go back up the stairs again. + +"Don't be childish, Madge." The words, the tone, were impatient, +the first I had ever heard from Lillian toward me. But I mentally +acknowledged their justice and braced myself to be more sensible, as +she guided me to her room, and helped me into bed. + +I found her sitting by my bedside when I opened my eyes. Through the +lowered curtains I caught a ray of sunlight, and knew that it was +broad day. + +"Dicky?" I asked wildly, staring up from my pillows. + +Lillian put me back again with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," she said gently. "Dicky is fine, and when you have eaten +the breakfast Betty has prepared and which Katie is bringing you, you +may go upstairs and take care of him all day." + +"But it is daylight," I protested. "I must have slept all night. And +you? Have you slept at all?" + +"Don't bother about me," she returned lightly. "I shall have a good +long nap as soon as you are ready to take care of Dicky." + +"But I meant to sleep only two or three hours. I don't see how I ever +could have slept straight through the night." + +I really felt near to tears with chagrin that I should have left Dicky +to the care of any one else while I soundly slept the night through. + +Lillian looked at me keenly, then smiled. + +"Can't you guess?" she asked significantly. + +"You mean you put something in the mulled wine to make me sleep?" + +"Of course. You have been through enough for any one woman. Dicky was +in no danger, and I had no desire to have you ill on my hands." + +I flushed a bit resentfully. I was not quite sure that I liked her +high-handed way of disposing of me as if I were a child. Then as I +felt her keen eyes upon me I knew that she was reading my thoughts, +and I felt mightily ashamed of my childish petulance. + +"You must forgive my arbitrary way of doing things," she resumed, a +bit formally. + +I put out my hand pleadingly. "Don't, Lillian," I said earnestly. +"I'll be good, and I do thank you. You know that, don't you?" + +Her face cleared. "Of course, goosie," she answered. "But I must help +you dress. Your breakfast will be here in a moment." + +I sprang out of bed before she could prevent me, and gave her a +regular "bear hug." + +"Help me dress!" I exclaimed indignantly. "Indeed, you will do no +such thing. I feel as strong as ever, and I am going to put you to bed +before I go to Dicky. But tell me, how is--" + +She spared me from speaking the name I so dreaded. + +"Miss Draper is no worse. Indeed, Dr. Pettit thinks she has rallied +slightly this morning. She is resting easily now, has been since about +3 o'clock, when Dr. Pettit went home." + +I was hurrying into my clothes as she talked. "Have you found out yet +how it happened?" I asked. + +"I know what Harry does," she answered. "He says that yesterday the +girl appeared as calm, even cheerful, as ever, went with him to the +manager's office, performed her dancing stunt as cleverly as she did +the other night, and in response to the very good offer the manager +made her, asked for a day to consider it. As she was leaving the +office, she asked Harry if Dicky were in his studio, saying she had +left there something she prized highly and would like to get it. +Something in the way she said it made Harry suspicious. Of course, +I had told him confidentially of her attempt to drown you, so he +remarked nonchalantly that he was also going to the studio. He said +she seemed nonplussed for a moment, then coolly accepted his escort. + +"They went to the studio, and Harry stuck close to Dicky, never +permitting the Draper girl to be alone with him for a minute. After a +few moments she bade them a commonplace goodby and left, but she must +have stayed near by and cleverly shadowed them when they left. + +"At any rate, she appeared at the door of our house shortly after +Harry and Dicky had entered--Harry wanted to get some things +before coming out to Marvin again--and asked Betty to see Dicky. +Unfortunately, Harry was in his rooms and did not hear the request, +so that Dicky went into the little sitting room off the hall with her, +and Betty says the girl herself closed the door. What was said no one +knows but Dicky and the girl. + +"Harry heard a shot, rushed downstairs, and found Dicky, with the +blood flowing from his arm, struggling with the girl in an attempt +to keep her from firing another shot. Harry took the revolver away, +unloaded and pocketed it, and could have prevented any further tragedy +only for Dicky's growing faint from loss of blood. + +"Harry turned his attention to Dicky, and the girl picked up a +stiletto, which Harry uses for a paper cutter--you know he has the +house filled with all sorts of curios from all over the world--and +drove it into her left breast. She aimed for her heart, of course, and +she almost turned the trick. I imagine she has a pretty good chance of +pulling through if infection doesn't develop. The stiletto hadn't been +used for some time, and there were several small rust spots on it. But +here comes your breakfast." + +Her voice had been absolutely emotionless as she told me the story. As +she busied herself with setting out attractively on a small table the +delicious breakfast Katie had brought, I had a queer idea that if it +were not for the publicity that would inevitably follow, Lillian would +not very much regret the ultimate success of Grace Draper's attempt at +self-destruction. + + + + +XXIX + +"BUT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW--" + + +I do not believe that ever in my life can I again have an experience +so horrible as that which followed the development of infection in the +dagger wound which Grace Draper had inflicted upon herself after her +unsuccessful attempt to shoot Dicky. + +Against the combined protest of Dicky and Lillian, I shared the care +of the girl with the trained nurse whom Lillian's forethought had +provided and Dicky's money had paid for. + +The reason for my presence at her bedside was a curious one. + +At the close of the third day following the girl's attempt at murder +and self-destruction, Lillian came to the door of the room where I was +reading to Dicky, who was now almost recovered, and called me out into +the hall. + +"Madge," she said abruptly, "that poor girl in there has been calling +for you for an hour. We tried every way we could think of to quiet +her, but nothing else would do. She must see you. I imagine she has +made up her mind she's going to die and wants to ask your forgiveness +or something of that sort." + +"I will go to her at once," I said quietly. As I moved toward the door +my knees trembled so I could hardly walk. + +Lillian came up to me quickly and put her strong arm around me. + +We went down the hall to a wonderful room of ivory and gold, which I +knew must be Lillian's guest room. In a big ivory-tinted bed the girl +lay, a pitiful wreck of the dashing, insolent figure she had been. + +Her face was as white as the pillows upon which she lay, while her +hands looked utterly bloodless as they rested listlessly upon the +coverlet. Only her eyes held anything of her old spirit. They looked +unusually brilliant. I wondered uneasily if their appearance was the +result of their contrast to her deathly white face or whether the +fever which the doctor dreaded had set in. + +She looked at me steadily for a long minute, then spoke huskily--I was +surprised at the strength of her voice. + +"Of course I have no right to ask anything of you, Mrs. Graham," she +said, "but death, you know, always has privileges, and I am going to +die." + +I saw the nurse glance swiftly, sharply, at her, and then go quietly +out of the room. + +"She's hurrying to get the doctor," the girl said, with the uncanny +intuition of the very sick, "but he can't do me any good. I'm going to +die and I know it. And I want you to promise to stay with me until the +end comes. I shall probably be unconscious, and not know whether you +are here or not, but I know you. You're the kind that if you give a +promise you won't break it, and I have a sort of feeling that I'd like +to go out holding your hand. Will you promise me that?" + +Her eyes looked fiercely, compelling, into mine. I stepped forward and +laid my hand on hers, lying so weak on the bed. + +"Of course I promise," I said pitifully. + +There was a quick, savage gleam in her eyes which I could not fathom, +a gleam that vanished as quickly as it came. I told myself that the +look I had surprised in her eyes was one of ferocious triumph, and +that as my hand touched hers she had instinctively started to draw her +hand away from mine, and then yielded it to my grasp. + +"All right," she said indifferently, closing her eyes. "Remember now, +don't go away." + +"Dicky! Dicky! what have I done that you are so changed? How can +you be so cold to me when you remember all that we have been to each +other? Don't be so cruel to me. Kiss me just once, just once, as you +used to do." + +Over and over again the plaintive words pierced the air of the room +where Grace Draper lay, while Dr. Pettit and the nurse battled for her +life. + +The theme of all her delirious cries and mutterings was Dicky. She +lived over again all the homely little humorous incidents of their +long studio association. She went with him upon the little outings +which they had taken together, and of which I learned for the first +time from her fever-crazed lips. + +"Isn't this delicious salad, Dicky?" she would cry. "What a +magnificent view of the ocean you can get from here? Wouldn't Belasco +envy that moonlight effect?" + +Then more tender memories would obsess her. To me, crouching in my +corner, bound by my promise to stay in the room, it seemed a most +cruel irony of fate that I should be compelled to listen to this +unfolding of my husband's faithlessness to me within so short a time +of our tender reconciliation. + +I do not think Dr. Pettit knew I was in the room when he first entered +it, anxious because of his imperative summons by the nurse. Lillian's +guest room had the alcove characteristic of the old-fashioned New York +houses, and she and I were seated in that. + +The physician bent over the bed, carefully studying the patient. +Through his professional mask I thought I saw a touch of bewilderment. +He studied the girl's pulse and temperature, listened to her +breathing, then turned to the nurse sharply. + +"How long has she been delirious?" + +"Since just after I called you," the girl replied. + +"Did you notice anything unusual about her before that? You said +something over the telephone about her talking queerly." + +The nurse looked quickly over to the alcove where Lillian and I +sat. Dr. Pettit's eyes followed her glance. With a quick muttered +exclamation he strode swiftly to where we sat and towered angrily +above us. + +"What does this mean?" he asked imperatively. "Why are you here +listening to this stuff? It is abominable." + +"I agree with you, Dr. Pettit. It is abominable, but she made +Madge promise to stay," Lillian said quietly. She made an almost +imperceptible gesture of her head toward the bed, and her voice was +full of meaning. He started, looked her steadily in the eyes, then +nodded slightly as if asserting some unspoken thought of hers. + +"Dicky darling," the voice from the bed rose pleadingly, "don't you +remember how you promised me to take me away from all this, how we +planned to go far, far away, where no one would ever find us again?" + +Dr. Pettit turned almost savagely on me. + +"Promise or no promise," he said, "I will not allow this any longer. +You must go out of this room and stay out." + +I stood up and faced him unflinchingly. + +"I cannot, Dr. Pettit," I answered firmly. "I must keep my promise." + +"Then I will get your release from that promise at once," he said and +strode toward the bed. + +I watched him with terrified fascination. Had he gone suddenly mad? +What did he mean to do? + +As Dr. Pettit turned from Lillian and me, and strode toward the bed +where the sick girl lay, apparently raving in delirium, I called out +to him in horror. + +"Oh, don't disturb that delirious, dying girl!" + +I made an impetuous step forward to try to stop him when Lillian +caught my arm and whirled me into a recess of the alcove. + +"You unsuspecting little idiot," she said, giving me a tender little +shake that robbed the words of their harshness, "can't you see that +that girl is shamming?" + +For a moment I could not comprehend what she meant; then the full +truth burst upon me. If what Lillian said were true, if the girl was +pretending delirium that she might utter words concerning Dicky's +infatuation for her which would torture me, then it was more than +probable, almost certain, in fact, that there was no word of truth in +her pretended delirious mutterings. + +Dicky was not faithless to me, as I had feared during the tortured +moments in which I had listened to, the girl's ravings. + +The joy of the sudden revelation almost unnerved me. I believe I would +have swooned and fallen had not Lillian caught me. + +"Listen," she said in my ear, pinching my arm almost cruelly to arouse +me, "listen to what Dr. Pettit is saying, and you'll see that I am +right." + +My eyes followed hers to the bed where Dr. Pettit stood gazing +down upon the seemingly unconscious girl and speaking in measured, +merciless fashion. + +"This won't do, my girl," he was saying, and his tone and manner +of address seemed in some subtle fashion to strip all semblance of +dignity from the girl and leave her simply a "case" of the doctor's, +of a type only too familiar to him. + +"It _won't_ do," he repeated. "You are simply shamming this delirium, +and you are lessening your chances for life every minute you persist +in it. I'm sorry to be hard on you, but I'm going to give you an +ultimatum right now. Either you will release Mrs. Graham from her +promise at once and quit this nonsense, or I shall call an officer, +report the truth of this occurrence, and you will be arrested not only +upon a charge of attempted suicide, but of attempted murder. + +"Of course, you will then be removed to the jail hospital, where I am +afraid you may not enjoy the skilful care you are getting now. And, +if you live, the after effects of these charges will be exceedingly +unpleasant for you." + +My heart almost stopped beating as I listened to the physician's +relentless words. + +Suppose Dr. Pettit was mistaken and the girl should be really +delirious, after all. But just as I had reached the point of torturing +doubt hardly to be borne, the girl stopped her delirious muttering, +opened her eyes and looted steadily up at the physician. + +"You devil," she said, at last, with quiet malignity. "You've called +the turn. I throw up my hands." + +"I thought so." This was the physician's only response. He stood +quietly waiting while the girl gazed steadily, unwinkingly at him. + +"Tell me," she said at last, coolly, "am I going to die?" + +"I do not know," the physician returned, as coolly. "You have a slight +temperature, and I am afraid infection has developed. But I can tell +you that your performance of the last hour or two has not helped your +chances any. You must be perfectly quiet and obedient, conserve every +bit of strength if you wish to live." + +"How about that very chivalric threat you made just now," the girl +retorted, sneeringly. "If I live, are you going to have me arrested +for this thing?" + +"Not if you behave yourself and promise to make no more trouble," the +physician replied gravely. + +There was another long silence. The girl lay with eyes closed. The +physician stood watching her keenly. Presently she opened her eyes +again. + +"Call Mrs. Graham over here," she said peremptorily. + +"What are you going to say to her?" the physician shot back. + +"That's my business and hers," Miss Draper returned, with a flash of +her old spirit. "If you want a release from that promise you'd better +let her come over here, otherwise I'll hold her to it." + +Disregarding Lillian's clutch upon my arm I moved swiftly to the side +of the bed and looked down into the sick girl's eyes, brilliant with +fever. + +"Did you wish to speak to me?" I asked gently. + +"Yes," she said abruptly, "I release you from your promise, and you +are free to believe or not what I have said during my--delirium." + +She emphasized the last word with a little mocking smile. The same +smile was on her lips as she added, slowly, sneeringly: + +"But you will never know, will you, Madgie dear, just how much of what +I said was false and how much true?" + +Her eyes held mine a moment longer, and the malignance in their +feverish brightness frightened me. Then she closed them wearily. + +As I turned away from her bedside I realized that she had prophesied +only too truthfully. There would be times in my life when I would +believe Dicky only. But I was also afraid there would be others when +her words would come back to me with intensified power to sear and +scar. + + + + +XXX + +THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED + + +Grace Draper did not die. Thanks to the assiduous care of Dr. Pettit +and the two trained nurses Dicky had provided she gradually struggled +up from the "valley of the shadow of death" in which she had lain to +convalescence. + +As soon as she was able to travel she went to the home of the relative +in the country whom she had visited in the summer. One of the nurses +went with her to see that she was settled comfortably, and upon +returning reported that she was getting strong fast, and in a month or +two more would be her usual self again. + +Neither Dicky nor I had seen her before she left. Indeed, Dicky +appeared to have taken an uncontrollable aversion to the girl since +her attempt to kill him and herself and disliked hearing even her name +mentioned. As for me, I had a positive dread of ever looking into the +girl's beautiful false face again. + +It was Lillian who made all the necessary arrangements both for the +girl's stay in her own home and her transfer to the country. + +But between the time of my mother-in-law's arrival at our house in +Marvin and the departure of Grace Draper from Lillian's home lay an +interval of a fortnight in which what we all considered the miraculous +happened. My mother-in-law grew to like Lillian Underwood. + +For the first three or four days after the ultimatum which I had given +her that she should respect our guests if she stayed in our house she +was like a sulky child. She kept to her room, affecting fatigue, and +demanding her meals be carried up to her by Katie. + +Of course Lillian and Harry wanted to go away at once, but Dicky and +I overruled them. I was resolved to see the thing through. I felt +that if my mother-in-law did not yield her prejudices at this time she +never would, and that I would simply have to go through the same thing +again later. + +Lillian saw the force of my reasoning and agreed to stay, although +I knew that the sensitive delicacy of feeling which she concealed +beneath her rough and ready mask made her uncomfortable in a house +which held such a disapproving element as my mother-in-law. + +Then, one day the little god of chance took a hand. Harry and Dicky +had gone to the city. It was Katie's afternoon off, and she and Jim, +who had become a regular caller at our kitchen door, had gone away +together. + +Mother Graham was still sulking in her room, and Lillian was busy in +Dicky's improvised studio with some drawings and jingles which were a +rush order. + +The day was a wonderful autumn one, and I felt the need of a walk. + +"I think I will run down to the village," I said to Lillian. "This is +the day the candy kitchen makes up the fresh toasted marshmallows. I +think we could use some, don't you?" + +"Lovely," agreed Lillian enthusiastically. + +"I don't think Mother Graham will come out of her room while I'm +gone," I went on. "Just keep an eye out for her if she should need +you." + +"She'd probably bite me if I offered her any assistance," returned +Lillian, laughing, "but I'll look out for her." + +But when I came back with the marshmallows, after a longer walk than +I had intended, I found Lillian sitting by my mother-in-law's bedside, +watching her as she slept. When she saw me she put her finger to her +lips and stole softly out into the hall. + +"She had a slight heart attack while you were gone, and I was +fortunate enough to know just what to do for her. It was not serious +at all. She is perfectly all right now and"--she hesitated and smiled +a bit--"I do not think she dislikes me any more." + +"Oh, I'm so glad!" I exclaimed, ecstatically hugging her. "Everything +will come out all right now." + +During the rest of the Underwoods' stay it seemed as if my words +had come true. The ice once broken, my mother-in-law's heart thawed +perceptibly toward Lillian. + +By the time the day came when Harry and Lillian left us to go back +to their apartment the elder Mrs. Graham had so far gotten over +her prejudices as to bid Lillian a reluctant farewell and express a +sincere wish that she might soon see her again. + +Toward Harry Underwood my mother-in-law's demeanor remained rigid. +She treated him with formal, icy politeness which irritated Dicky, but +appeared greatly to amuse Mr. Underwood. He took delight in paying her +the most elaborate attentions, laying fresh nosegays of flowers at +her plate at each meal. If he had been a lover besieging a beautiful +girl's heart he could not have been more attentive, while he was +absolutely impervious to all the chilling rebuffs she gave him. + +I think that the touch of malice which is always a part of this man's +humor was gratified by the frigid annoyance which the elder Mrs. +Graham exhibited toward his attentions. At any rate, he kept them up +until the very hour of his departure. + +It was when he happened to be alone with me on the veranda a few +moments before the coming of the taxi which was to bear them to their +homeward train that he gave me the real explanation of his conduct. + +"Tell me, loveliest lady," he said, with the touch of exaggeration +which his manner always holds toward me, "tell me, haven't I squared +up part of your account with the old girl this last week?" + +"Why, what do you mean?" I stammered. + +"Don't pretend such innocence," he retorted. "If you want me to tell +you in so many words, I beg leave to inform you that I've been doing +my little best to annoy your august mother-in-law to pay her off for +her general cussedness toward you, and, incidentally, me." + +"But she hasn't been cross to me," I protested. + +"Not the last three or four days perhaps, but I'll bet you've had +quite a dose since she came to live at your house, and you'll have +another if she ever finds out my wicked designs upon you." He smiled +mockingly and took a step nearer to me. "Don't forget you owe me a +kiss," he said, with teasing maliciousness, referring to the time when +he had threatened to "kiss me under water." "Don't you think you had +better give in to me now?" + +Dicky's step in the hall prevented my rebuking him as I wished. I +told myself that, of course, his persistent reference to that kiss was +simply one of mockery and I also admitted to myself that as much as I +loved Lillian I was glad that her husband was to be no longer a guest +in our house. + + + + +XXXI + +A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + +"Well, my dear, what are you mooning over that you didn't see me come +in? I beg your pardon, Madge, what is the matter? Tell me." + +Lillian Underwood stood before me a week after her visit to us. +Lillian, whose entrance into the small reception room of the Sydenham, +at which we had an appointment, I had not even seen. She stood looking +down at me with an anxious, alarmed expression in her eyes. + +"There is nothing the matter," I returned, evasively. + +"Don't tell me a tarradiddle, my dear," Lillian countered smoothly. +"You're as white as a sheet, and I can see your hands trembling this +minute. Something has happened to upset you. But, of course, if you'd +rather not tell me--" + +There was a subtle hint of withdrawal in her tone. I was afraid that I +had offended her. After all, why not tell her of the stranger who had +so startled me? + +"Look over by the door, Lillian," I said, in a low voice, "not +suddenly as if I had just spoken to you about it, but carelessly. Tell +me if there is a man still standing there staring at us." + +Lillian whistled softly beneath her breath, a little trick she has +when surprised. + +"Oh-h-h!" she breathed, and turning, she looked swiftly at the place I +had indicated. + +"I see a disappearing back which looks as though it might belong to +a 'masher.' I just caught sight of him as he turned--well set-up man +about middle age, hair sprinkled with gray, rather stunning looking." + +"Yes, that is the man," I returned, faintly, "but, Lillian, I'm sure +he isn't an ordinary 'masher.' He had the strangest, saddest, most +mysterious look in his eyes. It was almost as if he knew me or thought +he did, and I have the most uncanny feeling about him, as if he were +some one I had known long ago. I can't describe to you the effect he +had upon me." + +"Nonsense," Lillian said, brusquely, "the man is just an ordinary +common lady-killer of the type that infests these hotels, and ought to +be horsewhipped at sight. You're getting fanciful, and I don't wonder +at it. You've had a terrible summer, with all that trouble the Draper +caused you, and I imagine you haven't been having any too easy a time +with dear mamma-in-law, I'm mighty glad you're going to get away +with Dicky by yourself. A week in the mountains ought to set you +up wonderfully, and you certainly need it when you start weaving +mysterious tragedies about the commoner garden variety of 'masher.'" + +Lillian's rough common sense steadied me, as it always does. I felt +ashamed of my momentary emotion. + +"I fancy you're right, Lillian," I said nonchalantly. "Let's forget +about it and have some lunch. Where shall we go?" + +"There's a bully little tea room down the street here." she said. +"It's very English, with the tea cozies and all that sort of frills, +and some of their luncheon dishes are delicious. Shall we try it?" + +"By all means," I returned, and we went out of the hotel together. + +Although I looked around furtively and fearfully as we left the hotel +entrance, I could see no trace of the man who had so startled me. +Scoring myself for being so foolish as to imagine that the man might +still be keeping track of me, I put all thought of his actions away +from me and kept up with Lillian's brisk pace, chatting with her gayly +over our past experience in buying hats and the execrable creations +turned out by milliners generally. + +The tea room proved all that Lillian had promised. Fortunately, we +were early enough to escape the noon hour rush and secure a good table +near a window looking out upon the street. + +"I like to look out upon the people passing, don't you?" Lillian said, +as she seated herself. + +"Yes, I do," I assented, and then we turned our attention to the menu +cards. + +"I'm fearfully hungry," Lillian announced. "I've been digging all +morning. Oh! it's chicken pie here today." Her voice held all the glee +of a gormandizing child. "I don't think these individual chicken pies +they serve here can be beaten in New York," she went on. "You know the +usual mess--potatoes and onions, and a little bit of chicken mixed +up with a sauce they insult with the name gravy. These are the real +article--just the chicken meat with a delicious gravy covering it, +baked in the most flaky crust you can imagine. What do you say to +those, with some baked potatoes, new lima beans, sliced tomatoes and +an ice for dessert?" + +"I don't think it can be improved upon," I said, gayly, and then I +clutched Lillian's arm. "Look quickly," I whispered, "the other side +of the street!" + +Lillian's eyes followed mine to the opposite side of the street, +where, walking slowly along, was the man I had seen in the hotel. He +did not once look toward the tea room, but as he came opposite to it +he turned from the pavement and crossed the street leisurely toward +us. + +"Oh! I believe he is coming in," I gasped, and my knees began to +tremble beneath me. + +"Suppose he is," Lillian snapped back. Her tone held a contemptuous +impatience that braced me as nothing else could. "The man has a right +to come in here if he wishes. It may be a mere coincidence, or he may +have followed you. You're rather fetching in that little sport rig, +my dear, as your mirror probably told you this morning. Unless he +obtrudes himself there is nothing you can do or say, and if he should +attempt to get fresh--well, I pity him, that's all." + +Lillian's threatening air was so comical that I lost my nervousness +and laughed outright at her belligerency. The laugh was not a loud +one, but it evidently was audible to the man entering the door, for +he turned and cast a quick, sharp look upon me before moving on to a +table farther down the room. The waitress indicated a chair, which, +if he had taken it, would have kept his back toward us. He refused it +with a slight shake of the head, and passing around to the other side +of the table, sat down in a chair which commanded a full view of us. + +Lillian's foot beat a quick tattoo beneath the table. "The insolent +old goat," she murmured, vindictively. "He'd better look out. I'd hate +to forget I'm a perfect lady, but I'm afraid I may have to break loose +if that chap stays around here." + +"Oh, don't say anything to him, Lillian," I pleaded, terribly +distressed and upset at the very thought of a possible scene. "Let's +hurry through our luncheon and get out." + +"We'll do nothing of the kind," Lillian said. "Don't think about the +man at all, just go ahead and enjoy your luncheon as if he were +not here at all. I'll attend to his case good and plenty if he gets +funny." + +In spite of Lillian Underwood's kindly admonition I could not enjoy +the delicious lunch we had ordered. The presence of a mysterious man +at the table opposite ours robbed the meal of its flavor and me of my +self-possession. + +I could not be sure, of course, that the man had purposely followed me +from the little reception room of the Sydenham, where I had waited for +Lillian. There I had first seen him staring frankly at me with such +a sad, mysterious, tragic look in his eyes that I had been most +bewildered and upset by it. But his appearance at the tea room within +a few minutes of our entering it, and his choice of a chair which +faced our table indicated rather strongly that he had purposely +followed me. + +Whether or not Lillian's flashing eyes and the withering look she gave +him deterred him from gazing at me as steadily as he had at the hotel +I had no means of knowing. At any rate, he did not once stare openly +at me. I should have known it if he had, for his position was such +that unless I kept my eyes steadily fixed upon my plate, I could not +help but see him. He was unobtrusive, but I received the impression +that he was keeping track of every movement in the furtive glances he +cast at us from time to time. + +Although he had ordered after us, his meal kept pace with our own. In +fact, he called for his check, paid it and left the restaurant before +we did. As he passed out of the door I drew a breath of relief and +fell to my neglected lunch. + +"I hope I've seen the last of him," I said vindictively. + +Lillian did not answer. I looked up surprised to see her chin cupped +in her hands, in the attitude which was characteristic of her when she +was studying some problem, her eyes following the man as he made his +way slowly down the street, swinging his stick with a pre-occupied +air. She continued to stare after him until he was out of sight, then +with a start, she came back to herself. + +"You were right, Madge, and I was wrong," she said reflectively, still +as if she were studying her problem; "that man is no 'masher.'" + +I looked up startled. "What makes you think so?" I asked breathlessly. + +"I don't know," she returned, "but he either thinks he knows you, +or you remind him of some dead daughter, or sister--or sweetheart, +or--oh, there might be any one of a dozen reasons why he would want +to stare at you. I think he's harmless, though. He probably won't +ever try to speak to you--just take it out in following you around and +looking at you." + +"Oh," I gasped, "do you think he's going to keep this up?" + +"Looks like it," Lillian returned, "but simply ignore him. He has all +the ear-marks of a gentleman. I don't think he will annoy you. Now +forget him and enjoy your ice, and then we'll go and get that hat." + +Under Lillian's guidance the selection of the hat proved an easy task. + +Lillian bade me good-by at the door of the hat shop. + +"You don't need me any longer, do you?" she asked, "now that this hat +question is settled?" + +"No, no, Lillian," I returned, "and I am awfully grateful to you for +giving me so much of your time." + +"'Til Wednesday, then," Lillian said, "good-by." + +I had quite a long list in my purse of small purchases to be made. At +last even the smallest item on my list was attended to, and, wearied +as only shopping can tire a woman, I went over to the railroad +station. In my hurry of departure in the morning I had forgotten my +mileage ticket, so that I had to go to the ticket office to purchase a +ticket to Marvin. + +I had forgotten all about the man who had annoyed me in the reception +room of the Sydenham, and the little English tea room, so, when I +turned from buying my ticket to find him standing near enough to me to +have heard the name of Marvin, I was startled and terrified. + +He did not once glance toward me, however, but strolled away quickly, +as if in finding out the name of my home town he had learned all he +wished. + +I was thoroughly upset as I hurried to my train, and all through my +hour's journey home to Marvin the thought of the man troubled me. What +was the secret of his persistent espionage? The coincidences of the +day had been too numerous for me to doubt that the man was following +me around with the intention of learning my identity. + +When the train stopped at Marvin I was aghast to see the mysterious +stranger alight from it hurriedly and go into the waiting room of the +station. I thought I saw his scheme. From the window of the station he +could see me as I alighted, and either ascertain my identity from the +station agent or from the driver of whatever taxi I took. + +I had only felt terror of the man before, but now I was thoroughly +indignant. "The thing had gone far enough," I told myself grimly. +Instead of getting off the train I passed to the next car, resolving +to stop at the next village, Crest Haven, and take a taxi home from +there. + +The ruse succeeded. As the train sped on toward Crest Haven I had +a quiet little smile at the way I had foiled the curiosity of the +mysterious stranger. + +I debated for some time whether or not I ought to tell Dicky of +the incident. I had so much experience of his intensely jealous +temperament that I feared he might magnify and distort the incident. + +Finally I temporized by resolving to say nothing to Dicky unless the +man's tracking of me reached the point of attempting to speak to +me. But the consciousness of keeping a secret from Dicky made me +pre-occupied during our dinner. + +Dicky reached home an hour after I did, and all through the dinner +hour I noticed him casting curious glances at me from time to time. + +"What's the matter?" he asked, as after dinner he and I went out to +the screened porch to drink our coffee. + +"Why, nothing," I responded guiltily. "Why do you ask?" + +"You act as if you thought you had the responsibility of the great war +on your shoulders," Dicky returned. + +"I haven't a care in the world," I assured him gayly, and +arousing myself from my depression I spent the next hour in gay, +inconsequential chatter in an attempt to prove to Dicky that I meant +what I said. + +In the kitchen I heard the voices of Jim and Katie. They were raised +earnestly as if discussing something about which they disagreed. +Presently Katie appeared on the veranda. + +"Plees, Missis Graham, can you joost coom to kitchen, joost one little +meenit." + +"Certainly, Katie," I replied, rising, while Dicky mumbled a +half-laughing, half-serious protest. + +"I'll be back in a minute, Dicky," I promised, lightly. + +It was full five before I returned, for Jim had something to tell me, +which confirmed my impression that the mysterious stranger's spying +upon me was something to be reckoned with. + +"I didn't think I ought to worry you with this, Mrs. Graham, but Katie +thinks you ought to know it, and what she says goes, you know." He +cast a fatuous smile at the girl, who giggled joyously. "To-night, +down at Crest Haven, I overheard one of the taxi drivers telling +another about a guy that had come down there and described a woman +whom he said must have gotten off at Crest Haven and taken a taxi back +to Marvin. The description fitted you all right, and the driver gave +him your name and address. He said he got a five spot for doing it." + +My face was white, my hands cold, as I listened to Jim, but I +controlled myself, and said, quietly: + +"Thank you, Jim, very much for telling me, but I do not think it +amounts to anything." + + + + +XXXII + +"THE DEAREST FRIEND I EVER HAD" + + +Dinner with Dicky in a public dining room is almost always a delight +to me. He has the rare art of knowing how to order a perfect dinner, +and when he is in a good humor he is most entertaining. He knows by +sight or by personal acquaintance almost every celebrity of the +city, and his comments on them have an uncommon fascination for me +because of the monotony of my life before I met Dicky. + +But the very expression of my mother-in-law's back as I followed her +through the glittering grill room of the Sydenham told me that our +chances for having a pleasant evening were slender indeed. + +"Well, mother, what do you want to eat?" Dicky began genially, when an +obsequious waiter had seated us and put the menu cards before us. + +"Please do not consider me in the least," my mother-in-law said with +her most Christian-martyr-like expression. "Whatever you and Margaret +wish will do very well for me." + +Dicky turned from his mother with a little impatient shrug. + +"What about you, Madge?" he asked. + +"Chicken a la Maryland in a chafing dish and a combination salad with +that anchovy and sherry dressing you make so deliciously," I replied +promptly. "The rest of the dinner I'll leave to you." + +My mother-in-law glared at me. + +"It strikes me there isn't much left to leave to him after an order of +that kind," she said, tartly. + +"You haven't eaten many of Dicky's dinners then," I said audaciously, +with a little moue at him. "He orders the most perfect dinners of any +one I know." + +"Of course, with your wide experience, you ought to be a critical +judge of his ability," my mother-in-law snapped back. + +Her tone was even more insulting than her words. It tipped with +cruel venom her allusion to the quiet, almost cloistered life of my +girlhood. + +I drew a long breath as I saw my mother-in-law adjust her lorgnette +and proceed to gaze through it with critical hauteur at the other +diners. I hoped that her curiosity and interest in the things going on +around her would make her forget her imaginary grievances, but my hope +was destined to be short lived. + +It was while we were discussing our oysters, the very first offered of +the season, that she spoke to me, suddenly, abruptly: + +"Margaret, do you know that man at the second table back of us? He +hasn't taken his eyes from you for the last ten minutes." + +My heart almost stopped beating, for my intuition told me at once the +identity of the gazer. It must be the man whose uncanny, mournful look +had so distressed me when I was waiting for Lillian Underwood in the +little reception room at the Sydenham the preceding Monday, the man +who had followed us to the little tea room, who had even taken the +same train to Marvin with me. + +I felt as if I could not lift my eyes to look at the man my +mother-in-law indicated, and yet I knew I must glance casually at +him if I were to avert the displeased suspicion which I already saw +creeping into her eyes. + +When my eyes met his he gave not the slightest sign that he knew I was +looking at him, simply continued his steady gaze, which had something +of wistful mournfulness in it. I averted my eyes as quickly as +possible, and tried to look absolutely unconcerned. + +"I am sure he cannot be looking at me," I said, lightly. "I do not +know him at all." + +I hoped that my mother-in-law would not notice my evasion, but she was +too quick for me. + +"You may not know him, but have you ever seen him before?" she asked, +shrewdly. + +"Really, mother," Dicky interposed, his face darkening, "you're going +a little too far with that catechism. Madge says she doesn't know the +man, that settles it. By the way, Madge, is he annoying you? If he is, +I can settle him in about two seconds." + +"Oh, no," I said nervously, "I don't think the man's really looking at +me at all; he's simply gazing out into space, thinking, and happens +to be facing this way. It would be supremely ridiculous to call him to +account for it." + +My mother-in-law snorted, but made no further comment, evidently +silenced by Dicky's reproof. + +I may have imagined it, but it seemed to me that Dicky looked at me +a little curiously when I protested my belief that the man was simply +absorbed in thought and not looking at me at all. + +When we were dallying with the curiously moulded ices which Dicky had +ordered for dessert, I saw his eyes light up as he caught sight of +some one he evidently knew. + +"Pardon me just a minute, will you?" he said, turning to his mother +and me, apologetically, "I see Bob Simonds over there with a bunch of +fellows. Haven't seen him in a coon's age. He's been over across the +pond in the big mixup. Didn't know he was back. I don't want any more +of this ice, anyway, and when the waiter comes, order cheese, coffee +and a cordial for us all." + +He was gone in another instant, making his way with the swift, +debonair grace which is always a part of Dicky, to the group of men at +a table not far from ours, who welcomed him joyously. + +My mother-in-law's eyes followed mine, and I knew that for once, at +least, we were of one mind, and that mind was full of pride in the man +so dear to, us both. He was easily the most distinguished figure at +the table full of men who greeted him so joyously. I knew that his +mother noted with me how cordial was the welcome each man gave Dicky, +how they all seemed to defer to him and hang upon his words. + +Then across my vision came a picture most terrifying to me. It was +as if my mother-in-law and I were spectators of a series of motion +picture films. Toward the table, where Dicky stood surrounded by his +friends, there sauntered the mysterious stranger, who had attracted my +mother-in-law's attention by his scrutiny of me. + +But he was no stranger to the men surrounding Dicky. Most of them +greeted him warmly. Of course, I was too far away to hear what was +said, but I saw the pantomime in which he requested an introduction to +Dicky of one of his friends! + +Then I saw the stranger meet Dicky and engage him in earnest +conversation. I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law. I knew she +was gazing in open-mouthed wonder at her son, but I hoped she did not +know the queer mixture of terror and interest with which I watched the +picture at the other table. + +For it was no surprise to me when, a few minutes later, Dicky came +back toward our table. With him, talking earnestly, as if he had been +a childhood friend, walked the mysterious stranger. I told myself that +I had known it would be so from the first. + +From the moment I had first seen this man's haunting eyes gazing at me +in the reception room of the Sydenham I had felt that a meeting with +him was inevitable. How or where he would touch my life I did not +know, but that he was destined to wield some influence, sinister or +favorable, over me, I was sure, and I trembled with vague terror as I +saw him drawing near. + +"Mother, may I present Mr. Gordon? My wife, Mr. Gordon." + +Dicky's manner was nervous, preoccupied, as he spoke. His mother's +face showed very plainly her resentment at being obliged to meet the +man upon whose steady staring at me she had so acidly commented a few +minutes before. + +For my own part, I was so upset that I felt actually ill, as the eyes +of the persistent stranger met mine. How had this man, who had so +terrified me by his persistent pursuit and scrutiny, managed to obtain +an introduction to Dicky? + +Dicky made a place for the man near me, and signalled the waiter. + +"I know you have dined," he said, courteously, "but you'll at least +have coffee and a cordial with us, will you not?" + +"Thank you," Mr. Gordon said, in a deep, rich voice, "I have not yet +had coffee. If you will be so kind, I should like a little apricot +brandy instead of a cordial." + +Dicky gave the necessary order to the waiter, and we all sat back in +our chairs. + +I, for one, felt as though I were a spectator at a play, waiting for +the curtain to run up upon some thrilling episode. For the few minutes +while we waited for our coffee, Dicky had to carry the burden of the +conversation. His mother, with her lips pressed together in a tight, +thin line, evidently had resolved to take no part in any conversation +with the stranger. I was really too terrified to say anything, and, +besides the briefest of assents to Dicky's observations, the stranger +said nothing. + +There was something about the man's whole personality that both +attracted and repelled me. With one breath I felt that I had a curious +sense of liking and admiration for him, and was proud of the interest +in me, which he had taken no pains to conceal. The next moment a real +terror and dislike of him swept over me. + +I waited with beating heart for him to finish his coffee. It seemed +to me that I could hardly wait for him to speak. For I had a psychic +presentiment that before he left the table he would make known to us +the reason for his rude pursuit of me. + +His first words confirmed my impression: + +"I am afraid, Mrs. Graham," he said, courteously, turning to me, as +he finished his coffee, "that I have startled and alarmed you by my +endeavor to ascertain your identity." + +I did not answer him. I did not wish to tell him that I had been +frightened; neither could I truthfully deny his assertion. And I +wished that I had not evaded my mother-in-law's query concerning him. + +He did not appear to heed my silence however, but went on rapidly: + +"It is a very simple matter, after all," he said. "You see, you +resemble so closely a very dear friend of my youth, in fact, the +dearest I ever had, that when I caught sight of you the other day +in the reception room of the Sydenham, it seemed as if her very self +stood before me." + +There was a vibrant, haunting note in his voice that told me, better +than words, that, whoever this woman of his youth might have been, her +memory was something far more to him than of a mere friend. + +"I could not rest until I found out your identity, and secured an +introduction to you," he went on. "You will not be offended if I ask +you one or two rather personal questions, will you?" + +"Indeed, no," I returned mechanically. + +Mr. Gordon hesitated. His suave self-possession seemed to have +deserted him. He swallowed hard twice, and then asked, nervously: + +"May I ask your name before you were married, Mrs. Graham?" + +"Margaret Spencer," I returned steadily. + +There was a cry of astonishment from Dicky. Mr. Gordon had reeled in +his chair as if he were about to faint, then, with closed eyes and +white lips, he sat motionless, gripping the table as if for support. + +"Do not be alarmed--I am all right--only a momentary faintness, I +assure you." + +Mr. Gordon opened his eyes and smiled at us wanly. + +I knew that Dicky was as much relieved as I at our guest's return +to self-command. That he was resentful as well as mystified at the +singular behavior of Mr. Gordon I also gleaned from his darkened face, +and a little steely glint in his eyes. + +"I hope that you will forgive me," Mr. Gordon went on, and his rich +voice was so filled with regret and humility that I felt my heart +soften toward him. + +"I trust you have not gained the impression that my momentary +faintness had anything to do with your name," he said. "My attack at +that time was merely a coincidence. I am subject to these spells of +faintness. I hope this one did not alarm you." + +He looked at me directly, as if expecting an answer. + +"I am not easily alarmed," I returned, trying hard to keep out of my +voice anything save the indifferent courtesy which one would bestow +upon a stranger, for the atmosphere of mystery seemed deepening about +this stranger and me. I did not believe he had spoken the truth, +when he said that my utterance of my maiden name, in response to his +question, had nothing to do with his faintness. I was as certain as I +was of anything that it was the utterance of that name, the revelation +of my identity thus made to him, that caused his emotion. I sat +thrilled, tense, in anticipation of revelations to follow. + +Mr. Gordon's voice was quiet, but a poignant little thrill ran through +it, which I caught as he spoke again. + +"Was not your mother's name Margaret Bickett and your father's, +Charles Spencer?" he asked. + +"You are quite correct." I forced the words through lips stiffened by +excitement. + +I saw Dicky look at me curiously, almost impatiently, but I had no +eyes, no ears, save for the mysterious stranger who was quizzing me +about my parents. + +One of Mr. Gordon's hands was beneath the table; as he was sitting +next to his I saw what no one else did--that the long, slender, +sensitive fingers pressed themselves deeply, quiveringly, into the +palm at my affirmation of his question. But except for that momentary +grip there was no evidence of excitement in his demeanor as he turned +to me. + +"I thought so," he said quietly. "I have found the daughter of +the dearest friends I ever had. Your resemblance to your mother is +marvelous. I remember that you looked much like her when you were a +tiny girl." + +"You were at our home in my childhood, then?" I asked, wondering if +this might be the explanation of my uncanny notion that I had sometime +in my life seen this man bending over his demitasse as he had done a +few minutes before. + +"Oh, yes," he said, "your mother, as I have told you, was the dearest +friend I ever had. And your father was my other self--then--" + +His emphasis upon the word "then" gave me a quick stab of pain, for +it recalled the odium with which every one who had known my childhood +seemed to regard the memory of my father. + +I, myself, had no memories of my father. My mother had never spoken +of him to me but once, when she had told me the terrible story of his +faithlessness. + +When I was four years old he had run away from us both with my +mother's dearest friend, and neither she, nor any of his friends, had +ever heard of him afterward. I had always felt a sort of hatred of my +unknown father, who had deserted me and so cruelly treated my mother, +and the knowledge that this man was an intimate of his turned me +faint. + +But if Mr. Gordon's inflection meant anything it meant that even if he +had been my father's "other self," my mother's desertion had aroused +in him the same contempt for my father that all the rest of our little +world had felt. I felt my indefinable feeling of repulsion against +the man melt into warm approval of him. He had loved the mother I had +idolized, had resented her wrongs, and I felt my heart go out to him. + +"I cannot tell you what this finding of your wife means to me," +said Mr. Gordon, turning to Dicky. The inflection of his voice, the +movement of his hand, spelled a subtle appeal to the younger man. + +"I have been a wanderer for years," the deep, rich voice went on. "I +have no family ties"--he hesitated for a moment, with a curious little +air of indecision--"no wife, no child. I am a very lonely man. I wonder +if it would be asking too much to let me come to see you once in a +while and renew the memories of my youth in this dear child?" + +He turned to me with the most fascinating little air of deferential +admiration I had ever seen. + +But I looked in vain for any answer to his appeal in Dicky's eyes. My +husband still retained the air of formal, puzzled courtesy with which +he had brought Mr. Gordon to our table and introduced him to us. I +could see that the mysterious stranger's appeal to be made an intimate +of our home did not meet with Dicky's approval. + +I could not understand the impulse that made me turn toward the +stranger and say, earnestly: "I shall be so glad to have you come to +see us, Mr. Gordon. I want you to tell me about my mother's youth." + + + + +XXXIII + +"MOTHER" GRAHAM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY + + +It may have been the preparation we were making for an autumn vacation +in the Catskills, or it may have been that Dicky was becoming more +the master of himself, that he did not voice to me the very real +uneasiness with which I knew he viewed Robert Gordon's attitude toward +me. But whatever may have been the cause, the fact is that during +the preparations for our trip and during the vacation itself in the +gorgeous autumn-clad mountains Dicky did not refer to Robert Gordon. + +It was my mother-in-law who brought his name up the day of our return. +She had moved from the hotel where we had left her in the city to +the house at Marvin, and when we arrived there her greeting of me was +almost icy. As soon as we had taken off our wraps, she explained her +departure from the hotel without any questioning from us. + +"I never have been so insulted and annoyed in my life," she began +abruptly, "and it is all your fault, Richard. If you never had brought +the unspeakable person over he would not have had the chance to annoy +me. And as for you, Margaret, I cannot begin to tell you what I think +of your conduct in leading your husband to believe you had never seen +the man before--" + +"For heaven's sake, mother!" Dicky exploded, his slender patience +evidently worn to its last thread by his mother's incoherence, "what +on earth are you talking about?" + +"Don't pretend ignorance," she snapped. "You introduced the man to +me yourself the night before you went on your trip. You cannot have +forgotten his name so soon." + +"Robert Gordon!" Dicky exclaimed in amazement. + +"Yes, Robert Gordon!" his mother returned grimly. "And let me tell +you, Richard Graham, that if you do not settle that man he will make +you the laughing stock and the scandal of everybody. The way he talks +of Margaret is disgusting." + +Dicky's face became suddenly stern and set. + +"He didn't exhibit his lack of good taste the first time he came over +to my table in the dining room," my mother-in-law went on. "But the +second time he sat down with me he began to talk of Margaret in the +most fulsome, extravagant manner. From that time his sole topic of +conversation was Margaret, the wonderful woman she had grown into, the +wonderful attraction she has for him. You would have thought him a +man who had discovered his lost sweetheart after years of wandering. +Imagine the lack of decency and good taste the man must have to say +such things to me, the mother of Margaret's husband!" + +"Is that all you have to say, mother?" he asked. + +She looked at him in amazement. + +"Are you lost to all decency that you do not resent such extravagant +praise and admiration of your wife from the lips of another man?" she +demanded, and then in the same breath went on rapidly: + +"Richard, you are perfectly hopeless! The man may have been in love +with Margaret's mother, I do not doubt that he was, but have you never +heard of such men falling in love with the daughters of the women they +once loved hopelessly?" + +"Don't make the poor man out a potential Mormon, mother!" Dicky jibed. + +"Jeer at your old mother if you wish, Richard," his mother went on +icily, "but let me tell you that Mr. Gordon is madly in love with +Margaret and if you do not look out you will have a scandal on your +hands." + +"You are going a bit too far in your excitement, mother," Dicky said +sternly. "You may not realize it, but you are insinuating that there +might be a possible chance of Madge's returning the man's admiration." + +"I am not insinuating anything," his mother returned, white-lipped +with anger, "but I certainly think Margaret owes both you and me an +explanation of the untruth she told us at the supper table the night +you introduced Mr. Gordon to us." + +I sprang to my feet with my cheeks afire. + +"Mother Graham, I have listened to you with respect as long as I can," +I exclaimed. "Whatever else you have to say to my husband about me you +can say in my absence. If he at any time wishes an explanation of any +action of mine he has only to ask me for it." + +White with rage I dashed out of the room, up the stairs and into my +own room, locking the door behind me. In a few minutes Dicky's step +came swiftly up the stairs; his knock sounded on my door. + +"Madge, let me in," he commanded, but the note of tenderness in his +voice was the influence that hurried my fingers in the turning of the +key. + +As I opened the door he strode in past me, closed and locked the door +again, and, turning, caught me in his arms. + +"Don't you dare to cry!" he stormed, kissing my reddened eyelids. +"Aren't you ever going to get used to mother's childish outbursts? +You know she doesn't mean what she says in those tantrums of hers. +She simply works herself up to a point where she's absolutely +irresponsible, and she has to explode or burst. You wouldn't like to +see a perfectly good mother-in-law strewn in fragment all over the +room, simply because she had restrained her temper, would you?" he +added, with the quick transition from hot anger to whimsical good +nature that I always find so bewildering in him. + +I struggled for composure. My mother-in-law's words had been too +scathing, her insult too direct for me to look upon it as lightly as +Dicky could, but the knowledge that he had come directly after me, and +that he had no part in the resentment his mother showed, made it easy +for me to control myself. + +"I ought to remember that your mother is an old woman, and an invalid, +and not allow myself to get angry at some of the unjust things she +says," I returned, swallowing hard. "So we'll just forget all about it +and pretend it never happened." + +"You darling!" Dicky exclaimed, drawing me closer, and for a moment or +two I rested in his arms, gathering courage for the confession I meant +to make to him. + +"Dicky, dear," I murmured at last, "there is something I want to tell +you about this miserable business, something I ought to have told you +before, but I kept putting it off." + +Dicky held me from him and looked at me quizzically, "'Confession is +good for the soul,'" he quoted, "so unburden your dreadful secret." + +He drew me to an easy chair and sat down, holding me in his arms as if +I were a little child. "Now for it," he said, smiling tenderly at me. + +"It isn't so very terrible," I smiled at him reassured by his +tenderness. "It is only that without telling you a deliberate untruth, +that I gave both you and your mother the impression I had never seen +Mr. Gordon before that night at the Sydenham." + +"Is that all?" mocked Dicky. "Why, I knew that the moment you spoke +as you did that night! You're as transparent as a child, my dear, and +besides, your elderly friend let the cat out of the bag when he said +he feared he had annoyed you by trying to find out your identity. I +knew you must have seen him somewhere." + +"You don't know all," I persisted, and then without reservation I told +him frankly the whole story of Mr. Gordon's spying upon me. I omitted +nothing. + +When I had finished, Dicky's face had lost its quizzical look. He was +frowning, not angrily, but as if puzzled. + +"Don't think I blame you one bit," he said slowly; "but it looks to me +as if mother's dope might be right, as if the old guy is smitten with +you after all." + +"I cannot hope to make your understand, Dicky," I began, "how confused +my emotions are concerning Mr. Gordon. I think perhaps I can tell you +best by referring to something about which we have never talked but +once--the story I told you before we were married of the tragedy in my +mother's life." + +"I believe you told me that neither your mother nor you had ever heard +anything of your father since he left." Dicky's voice was casual, but +there was a note in it that puzzled me. + +"That is true," I answered, and then stopped, for the conviction had +suddenly come to me that while I had never seen nor heard from my +father since he left us--indeed, I had no recollection of him--yet +I was not sure whether or not my mother had ever received any +communication from him. I had heard her say that she had no idea +whether he was living or dead, and I had received my impression from +that. But even as I answered Dicky's question there came to my mind +the memory of an injunction my mother had once laid upon me, +an injunction which concerned a locked and sealed box among her +belongings. + +I felt that I could not speak of it even to Dicky, so put all thought +of it aside until I should be alone. + +"I do not think I can make you understand," I began, "how torn between +two emotions I have always been when I think of my father. Of course, +the predominant feeling toward him has always been hatred for the +awful suffering he caused my mother. I never heard anything to foster +this feeling, however, from my mother. She rarely spoke of him, but +when she did it was always to tell me of the adoration he had felt for +me as a baby, of the care and money he had lavished on me. But while +with one part of me I longed to hear her tell me of those early days, +yet the hatred I felt for him always surged so upon me as to make me +refuse to listen to any mention of him. + +"But since she went away from me the desire to know something of +my father has become almost an obsession with me. My hatred of his +treachery to my mother is still as strong as ever, but in my mother's +last illness she told me that she forgave him, and asked me if ever he +came into my life to forget the past and to remember only that he +was my father. I am afraid I never could do that, but yet I long so +earnestly to know something of him. + +"So now you see, Dicky," I concluded, "why Mr. Gordon has such a +fascination for me. He knew my father and my mother--from his own +words I gather that he was the nearest person to them. He is the only +link connecting me with my babyhood, for Jack Bickett, my nearest +relative, was but a young boy himself when my father left, and +remembered little about it. I don't want to displease you, Dicky, but +I would so like to see Mr. Gordon occasionally." + +Dicky held me close and kissed me. + +"Why, certainly, sweetheart," he exclaimed. "Whenever you wish I'll +arrange a little dinner down-town for Mr. Gordon. What do you think +about inviting the Underwoods, too? They could entertain me while +you're talking over your family history." + +"That would be very nice," I agreed, but I had an inward dread of +talking to Robert Gordon with the malicious eyes of Harry Underwood +upon me. Indeed, I felt intuitively that if ever Mr. Gordon were to +reveal the history of his friendship for my mother to me, it would be +when no other ears, not even Dicky's, were listening. + +Dicky kissed me again and then he rose and went out of the room +quickly, closing the door behind him. I waited until I heard his +footsteps descending the stairs before turning the key in the lock. +Then I went directly to a little old trunk which I had kept in my own +room ever since my mother's death, and, kneeling before it unlocked it +with reverent fingers. + + + + +XXXIV + +A MESSAGE FROM THE PAST + + +It was my mother's own girlhood trunk, one in which she had kept +her treasures and mementoes all her life. The chief delight of my +childhood had been sitting by her side when she took out the different +things from it and showed them to me. + +Dear, thoughtful, little mother of mine! Almost the last thing she did +before her strength failed her utterly was to repack the little trunk, +wrapping and labeling each thing it contained, and putting into +it only the things she knew I would not use, but wished to keep as +memories of her and of my own childhood. + +"I do not wish you to have to look over these things while your grief +is still fresh for me," she had said, with the divine thoughtfulness +that mothers keep until the last breath they draw. "There is nothing +in it that you will have to look at for years if you do not wish to +do so--that is, except one package that I am going to tell you about +now." + +She stopped to catch the breath which was so pitifully short in those +torturing days before her death, and over her face swept the look of +agony which always accompanied any mention by her of my father. + +"In the top tray of this trunk," she said, "you will find the inlaid +lock box that was your grandmother's and that you have always +admired so much. I do not wish to lay any request or command upon you +concerning it--you must be the only judge of your own affairs after I +leave you--but I would advise you not to open that box unless you are +in desperate straits, or until the time has come when you feel that +you no longer harbor the resentment you now feel toward your father." + +The last words had come faintly through stiffened white lips, for her +labor at packing and the emotional strain of talking to me concerning +the future had brought on one of the dreaded heart attacks which +were so terribly frequent in the last weeks of her life. We had never +spoken of the matter afterward, for she did not leave her bed again +until the end. + +At one time she had motioned me to bring from her desk the +old-fashioned key ring on which she kept her keys. She had held up +two, a tiny key and a larger one, and whispered hoarsely: "These keys +are the keys to the lock box and the little trunk--you know where +the others belong." Then she had closed her eyes, as if the effort of +speaking had exhausted her, as indeed it had. + +In the wild grief which followed my mother's death there was no +thought of my unknown father except the bitterness I had always felt +toward him. I knew that the terrible sorrow he had caused my mother +had helped to shorten her life, and my heart was hot with anger +against him. + +I had never opened the trunk since her death. The exciting, almost +tragic experiences of my life with Dicky had swept all the old days +into the background. I could not analyze the change that had come over +me. As I lifted the lid of the trunk and took from the top tray the +inlaid box which my mother's hands had last touched, my grief for her +was mingled with a strange new longing to find out anything I could +concerning the father I had never known. + +"For my daughter Margaret's eyes alone." + +The superscription on the envelope which I held in my hand stared up +at me with all the sentience of a living thing. The letters were in +the crabbed, trembling, old-fashioned handwriting of my mother--the +last words that she had ever written. It was as if she had come back +from the dead to talk to me. + +With the memory of my mother's advice, I hesitated for a long time +before breaking the seal. With the letters pressed close against my +tear-wet cheeks I sat for a long time, busy with memories of my mother +and debating whether or not I had the right to open the letter. + +I certainly was not in desperate straits, and I could not +conscientiously say that I no longer harbored any resentment +toward^the father of whom I had no recollection. I felt that never in +my life could I fully pardon the man who had made my mother suffer so +terribly. But the longing to know something of my father, which I had +felt since the coming into my life of Robert Gordon, had become almost +an obsession, with me. + +"Little mother," I whispered, "forgive me if I am doing wrong, but I +must know what is in this letter to me." + +With trembling fingers I broke the seal and drew out the closely +written pages which the envelope contained. + +"Mother's Only Comfort," the letter began, and at the sight of the +dear familiar words, which I had so often heard from my mother's +lips--it was the name she had given me when a tiny girl, and which she +used until the day of her death--tears again blinded my eyes. + + "When you read this I shall have left you forever. It is my prayer + that when the time comes for you to read it, it will be because you + have forgiven your father, not because you are in desperate need. How + I wish I could have seen you safe in the shelter of a good man's love + before I had to go away from you forever!" + +"Safe in the shelter of a good man's love," I repeated the words +thoughtfully. Had my mother been given her wish when she could no +longer witness its fulfilment? I was angry and humiliated at myself +that I could not give a swift, unqualified assent to my own question. +A "good man" Dicky certainly was, and I was in the "shelter of his +love" at present. But "safe" with Dicky I was afraid I could never +be. Mingled always with my love for him, my trust in him, was a +tiny undercurrent of uncertainty as to the stability of my husband's +affection for me. + +As I turned to my mother's letter again, there was a tiny pang at my +heart at the thought that by my marriage with Dicky I had thwarted the +dearest wish of my little mother's heart. + +For between the lines I could read the unspoken thought that had been +in her mind since I was a very young girl. "Safe in the shelter of a +good man's love" meant to my mother only one thing. If she had written +the words "safe in the shelter of Jack Bickett's love," I could not +have grasped her meaning more clearly. + +But my mother's wish must forever remain ungranted. Jack was +"somewhere in France," and for me, safe or not safe, stable or +unstable, Dicky was "my man," the only man I had ever loved, the only +man I could ever love. "For better or worse," the dear old minister +had said who performed our wedding ceremony, and my heart reaffirmed +the words as I bent my eyes again to the closely written pages I held +in my hands. + + "Because you have always been so bitter, Margaret, against your + father, and because it has always caused me great anguish to speak of + him, I have allowed you to rest under the impression that I had never + heard anything concerning him since his disappearance, and that I do + not know whether he be living or dead. The last statement is true, for + years ago I definitely refused to receive any communication from him, + but I must tell you that I believe him to be living, and that I know + that living or dead he has provided money for your use if you should + ever wish to claim it. + + "The address he last sent me, and that of the firm of lawyers who + has the management of the property intended for you, are sealed in + envelopes in this box. In it also are all the things necessary to + establish your identity, my marriage certificate, your birth record, + pictures of your father and of me, and of the three of us taken when + you were two years old, before the shadow of the awful tragedy that + came later had begun to fall." + +I sprang from my chair, dropping the pages of the letter unheeded in +the shock of the revelation they brought me. My father had planned for +me; had provided for me; had tried to communicate with my mother! He +must have been repentant; he was not all the heartless brute I had +thought him. As though a cloud had been lifted, from my life and a +weary weight had rolled from my heart, I turned again to mother's +letter. + + "Remember, it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be + living, sometime you may be reconciled, to him. I have been weak and + bitter enough during all these years to be meanly comforted by your + stanch championship of me, and your detestation of the wrong your + father did me. But death brings clearer vision, my child, and I cannot + wish that your father's last years,--if, indeed, he be living--should + be desolated by not knowing you. I want you to know that there were + many things which, while they did not extenuate your father, yet might + in some measure explain his action. + + "I was much to blame--I can see it now, for not being able to hold + his love. You are so much like me, my darling, that I tremble for your + happiness if you should happen to marry the wrong kind of man. I have + wondered often if the story of my tragedy, terrible as it is for me to + think of it, might not help you. And yet--it might do more harm than + good. At any rate, I have written it all out, and put it with the + other things in the box. I feel a curious sort of fatalism concerning + this letter. It is borne in upon me that if you ever need to read it + you will read it. It will help you to understand your father better. + It may help you to understand your husband; although, God grant, + knowledge like mine may never come to you. + + "Of one thing I am certain, you will never have anything to do with + the woman who abused my friendship and took your father from me. I + cannot carry my forgiveness far enough, even in the presence of death, + to bid you go to him if she be still a part of his life. + + "I can write no more, my darling. I want you to know that you have + been the dearest child a mother could have, and that you have never + given me moment's uneasiness in my life. God bless and keep you. + + "MOTHER." + +I did not weep when I had finished the letter. There was that in its +closing words that dried my tears. I put the pages reverently in +the envelope, laid it in the old box, closed and locked the lid, and +replaced it in the trunk. For my mother's bitter mention of the woman +who had stolen my father from her had brought back the old, wild +hatred I had felt for so many years. + +"Whatever Robert Gordon can tell me of you, mother darling, I will +gladly hear," I whispered, as I locked her old trunk, "but I never +want to hear him talk of the woman who so cruelly ruined your life." + + + + +XXXV + +THE WORD OF JACK + + +"O, pray do not let me disturb you." + +Mother Graham drew back from the open door of the living room with +a little affected start of surprise at seeing me sitting before the +fire. Her words were courteous, but her manner brought the temperature +of the room down perceptibly. + +She had managed to keep out of my way in clever fashion since the +scene of the day before, when she had attacked me concerning the +interest taken in me by Robert Gordon. + +"You are not disturbing me in the least," I said, pleasantly, "I was +simply watching the fire. Jim certainly has outdone himself in the +matter of logs this time." + +"Yes, he has," she admitted, grudgingly, as she came forward slowly +and took the chair I proffered her. "I only hope he doesn't set the +house afire with such a blaze. I must tell Richard to speak to him +about it." + +Always the pin prick, the absolute ignoring of me as the mistress of +the house. I could not tell whether she had deliberately done it, or +whether long usage to dominance in a household had made her speak as +she did unconsciously. + +I made no reply, and, for a long time, we sat staring at the fire +until Dicky's entrance came as a welcome interruption. + +I went sedately to the door to meet him, although I was so glad to +see him that a dance step would more appropriately have expressed my +feelings, and returned his warm kiss and greeting. He kept my hand in +his as he came down to the fire, not even releasing it when he kissed +his mother, who still maintained the rigid dignity with which she +surrounded herself when displeased. + +"Well," Dicky said, manfully ignoring any hint of unpleasantness, +"this is what I call comfortable, coming home to a fire and a welcome +like this on a dreary day." + +There was a note of forced jollity in his voice that made me look up +quickly into his eyes. As they looked into mine, I caught a glimpse of +something half-hidden, half-revealed, something fiercely sombre, which +frightened me. + +"What had happened," I asked myself, with a little clutch at my heart, +"to make Dicky look at me in this way?" I had a longing to take him +away where we could be alone. + +I was glad when my mother-in-law rose stiffly from her chair. + +"If you are too much occupied, Margaret," she remarked, icily, "I will +go and tell Katie that Richard is here, and that she may serve dinner +immediately." + +She swept out of the room majestically, and as the door closed after +her Dicky caught me in his arms and clasped me so closely that I was +frightened. + +"Tell me you love me," he said tensely, "better than anybody in the +world or out of it." His eyes were glowing with some emotion I could +not understand. I felt my vague uneasiness of his first entrance +deepen into real foreboding of something unknown and terrible coming +to me. + +"Why, of course, you know that, sweetheart," I replied. "There is no +one for me but just you! But what is the matter? Something must be the +matter." + +"Where did you get that idea?" he evaded. "I just wanted to be sure, +that's all. Wait here for me--I'll dash up and get some of the dust +off in a jiffy before dinner." + +I spent an anxious interval before, he came down, for, despite his +denials, I felt that something out of the ordinary must have happened +to cause his queer, passionate outburst. + +When he returned to, the living room, it was with no trace of any +emotion, and throughout the dinner, while not so given to conversation +as usual, he showed no indication that he was at all disturbed. + +But I was very glad when the dinner was over, and we returned to the +living-room fire. And when, after a few minutes, my mother-in-law +yawned sleepily and went to her room, I drew a deep breath of relief. + +Dicky drew my chair close to his, and we sat for a long time looking +at the leaping flames, only occasionally speaking. + +It was at the end of a long silence that Dicky turned toward me, with +eyes so troubled that all my fears leaped up anew. I sprang to my +feet. + +"What is it, Dicky?" I entreated, wildly. "Oh! I know something +terrible is the matter!" + +He rose from his chair, and clasped my hands tightly. + +"I suppose I'd better tell you quickly, dear," he replied. "Your +cousin, Jack Bickett, is reported killed." + +"Killed!" I repeated faintly. "Jack Bickett killed! Oh, no, no, +Dicky; no, no, no!" + +I heard my own voice rise to a sort of shriek, felt Dicky release my +hands and seize my shoulders, and then everything went black before +me, and I knew nothing more. + +When I came to myself, I was lying on the couch before the fire, with +my face and the front of my gown dripping with water, the strong smell +of hartshorn in the room, and Dicky with stern, white face, and Katie +in tears, hovering over me. + +Dicky was trying to force a spoon between my teeth when I opened my +eyes. He promptly dropped it, and the brandy it contained trickled +down my neck. I raised my hand to wipe it away, and Dicky uttered a +low, "Thank God!" + +"Oh, she no dead, she alive again!" Katie cried out, and threw herself +on her knees by my side, sobbing. + +"Get up, Katie, and stop that howling!" Dicky spoke sternly. "Do you +want to get my mother down here? Go upstairs at once and prepare Mrs. +Graham's bed for her. I will carry her up directly. Are you all right +now, Madge?" + +His tone was anxious, but there was a note of constraint in it, which +I understood even through the returning anguish at Dicky's terrible +news, which was possessing me with returning consciousness. + +He believed that my feeling for my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, was a +deeper one than that which I had always professed, a sisterly love for +the only near relative I had in the world. This was the reason for his +sudden, passionate embrace of me when he entered the house, his demand +that I tell him I loved him better than anybody in the world or out of +it. + +He had been jealous of Jack living, he would still be jealous of him +dead! But as the realization again swept over me that Jack, steadfast, +manly Jack, the only near relative I had, was no longer in the same +world with me, that never again would I see his kind eyes, hear his +deep, earnest voice, all thoughts of anything else but my loss fled +from me, and I gave a little moan. + +I felt Dicky's arm which was around my shoulders shrink away +instinctively, then tighten again. He turned my face against his +shoulder, and, gathering me in his arms, lifted me from the couch. + +"Oh, Dicky, I am sure I can walk," I protested faintly. + +He stopped and looked at me fixedly. + +"Don't you want my arms around you?" he asked, and there was that in +his voice which made me answer hastily: + +"Of course I do, but I am afraid I am too heavy." + +"Let me be the judge of that," he returned sternly, and forthwith +carried me up the stairs, down the hall, and laid me on the bed in my +own room. + +"Now you must get that wet gown off," he said practically. "Katie +emptied nearly a gallon of water over you in her fright." + +He smiled constrainedly, and I made a brave effort to return the +smile, but I could not accomplish it. Indeed, I was glad to be able to +keep back the tears, which I knew instinctively would hurt him. + +He undressed me as tenderly as a woman could have done, and, wrapping +a warm bathrobe over my nightdress, for I was shivering as if from +a chill, tucked me in between the blankets of my bed. Then he drew a +chair to the bedside and sat down. + +"Are you sure you are all right now?" he asked. "Your color is coming +back." + +"Perfectly sure," I returned, "and I am so sorry to have made you so +much trouble." + +"Don't say that," he returned, a trifle sharply. "It is so +meaningless. Try to sleep a little, can't you?" + +"Not yet, Dicky," I returned. "I am feeling much better, however. Of +course, the shock was terrible at first, for, as you know, Jack was +the only brother I ever knew. But I am all right now and I want you to +tell me how you learned the news." + +"Mrs. Stewart telephoned to me," he said. "It seems your cousin gave +her as the 'next of kin,' to be notified in case of his death, and +she received the notice this morning. There was nothing but the usual +official notification." + +I caught my breath, stifling the moan that rose to my lips. Somewhere +in France lay buried the tenderest heart, the manliest man God ever +put into the world. And I had sent him to his death. Despite the +comforting assurance Jack had written me, just before his departure +for France, that his discovery of my marriage, with the consequent +blasting of the hope he had cherished for years, had not been the +cause of his sailing, I knew he would never have left me if I had not +been married. + +I think Dicky must have read my thoughts in my face, for, after a +moment, he said gently, yet with a tenseness which told me he was +putting a rigid control over his voice: + +"You must not blame yourself so harshly. Your cousin would probably +have gone to the war even if--circumstances had been different." + +There was that in Dicky's voice and eyes which told me that he, too, +was suffering. I gathered my strength together, made a supreme effort +to put the sorrow and remorse I felt behind me until I could be alone. +I knew that I must strive at once to eradicate the false impression +my husband had gained as a result of my reception of the news of my +brother-cousin's death. + +So I forced my lips to words which, while not utterly false, yet did +not at all reveal the truth of what I was feeling. + +"I know that, Dicky," I returned, and I tried to hold my voice to a +conversational tone. "He went with his dearest friend, a Frenchman, +you know. I had nothing to do with his going. It isn't that which +makes me feel as I do. It is because his death brings back my mother's +so plainly. He was always so good to her, and she loved him so much." + +Dicky bent his face so quickly to mine that I could not catch his +expression. He kissed me tenderly, and, kneeling down by the side of +the bed, gathered my head up against his shoulder. + +"Cry it all out, if you want to, sweetheart," he said, and I fancied +the tension was gone from his voice. "It will do you good." + +So, "cry it out" I did, against the blessed shelter of my husband's +shoulder. And the tears seemed to wash away all the shock of the +news I had, heard, all the bitter, morbid remorse I had felt, all +the secret wonder as to whether I might have loved and married my +brother-cousin if Dicky had not come into my life. There was left only +a sane, sisterly sorrow for a loved brother's death, and a tremendous +surge of love for my husband, and gratitude for his tenderness. + +"Try to sleep if you can," he said. + +I tried to obey his injunction, but I could not. I could see the hands +of my little bedroom clock, and after the longest quarter of an hour I +had ever known I turned restlessly on my pillow. + +"It's no use, Dicky," I said, "I cannot go to sleep. I would rather +talk. Tell me, did Mrs. Stewart's voice sound as if she were much +upset? She is an old woman, you know, and she was very fond of Jack." + +Dicky hesitated, and a curious, intent expression came into his eyes. + +"Yes, I think she was pretty well broken up," he answered, "but the +thing about which she seemed most anxious was that you should not lose +any time in attending to the property your cousin left. I believe he +wrote you concerning his disposition of it before he sailed." + +I looked up, startled. Dicky's words brought something to my mind +that I had completely forgotten. I was the heiress to all that Jack +possessed, not great wealth, it is true, but enough to insure me a +modest competence for the rest of my life. + +"Do you object to my taking this money, Dicky?" I asked, and my voice +was tense with emotion. + +"Object!" the words came from Dicky's mouth explosively, then he +jumped to his feet and paced up and down the room rapidly for a moment +or two, his jaw set, his eyes stern. When he stopped by the bed he had +evidently recovered his hold on himself, but his words came quickly, +jerkily, almost as if he were afraid to trust himself to speak. + +"You are in no condition to discuss this tonight," he said, dropping +his hand on my hair, "we will speak of it again tomorrow, when you +have somewhat recovered. Now you must try to go to sleep. I shall have +to call a physician if you don't." + +I lay awake for hours, debating the problem which had come to me. I +saw clearly that Dicky did not wish me to take this bequest of Jack's. +Indeed, I knew that he expected me to refuse it, and that he would be +bitterly disappointed if I did not do so. + +My heart was hot with rebellion. It seemed like a profanation of +Jack's last wish, like hurling a gift into the face of the dead, to do +as Dicky wished. + +And yet--Dicky was my husband. I had sworn to love and honor him. I +knew that he felt sincerely, however wrongly, that my acceptance of +Jack's gift would be a direct slap at him. I felt as if my heart were +being torn in two, with my desire to do justice both to the living +and the dead. It was not until nearly daylight that the solution of my +problem came to me. Then I fell asleep, exhausted, and did not awaken +until Dicky came into the room, dressed for the journey which he took +daily to the city. + +"I wouldn't disturb you, sweetheart," he said, "only it's time for +me to go in to the studio, and I did not want to leave you without +knowing how you are." + +"Oh, have I slept so late?" I returned, contritely, springing up in +bed. + +Dicky put me back with a firm hand. + +"Lie still," he commanded, gently. "Katie will bring you up some +breakfast shortly, and there is no need of your getting up for hours." + +He bent down to kiss me good-by. There was a restraint in both +his voice and his caress that told me he was still thinking of the +conversation of the night before. I put my arms about his neck and +drew his face down to mine. + +"Sweetheart," I whispered, "I want to tell you what I've decided about +Jack's property." + +"Not now," Dicky interrupted hurriedly. + +"Yes, now," I returned decidedly. "I am going to accept it"--I gripped +his hands firmly as I felt them drawing away from mine, "but I am not +going to use any of it for myself. I will see that it all goes to the +orphaned kiddies of the soldiers with whom Jack fought." + +Dicky started, looked at me a bit wildly, then stooped, and, gathering +me to him convulsively, pressed a long, tender kiss upon my lips. + +"My own girl!" he murmured. "I shall not forget that you have done +this for me!" + + + + +XXXVI + +"AND YET--" + + +"What's the big idea?" + +Dicky looked up from the breakfast table with a mildly astonished air +as I came hurriedly into the room dressed for the street, wearing my +hat, and carrying my coat over my arm. + +"I'm going into town with you," I returned quietly. + +"Shopping, I suppose." The words sounded idle enough, but I, who knew +Dicky so well, recognized the note of watchfulness in the query. + +"I shall probably go into some of the shops before I return," I said +carelessly, "but the real reason of my going into the city is Mrs. +Stewart. I should have gone to see her yesterday." + +Dicky frowned involuntarily, but his face cleared again in an instant. +It was the second day after he had brought me the terrible news that +Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, was reported killed "somewhere in +France." I knew that Dicky, in his heart, did not wish me to go to see +Mrs. Stewart, but I also knew that he was ashamed to give voice to his +reluctance. + +When Dicky spoke at last, it was with just the right shade of cordial +acquiescence in his voice. + +"Of course you must go to see her," he said, "but are you sure you're +feeling fit enough? It will try your nerves, I imagine." + +Far better than Dicky could guess I knew what the day's ordeal would +be. Mrs. Stewart had been very fond of my brother-cousin. With my +mother, she had hoped that he and I would some day care for each +other. With her queer partisan ideas of loyalty, when Dicky had been +so cruelly unjust to me about Jack, she had wished me to divorce Dicky +and marry Jack, even though Jack himself had never whispered such a +solution of my life's problem. That she believed me to be responsible +for his going to the war I knew. I dreaded inexpressibly the idea of +facing her. + +But when, after a rather silent trip to the city with Dicky, I stood +again in Mrs. Stewart's little upstairs sitting-room, I found only a +very sorrowful old woman, not a reproachful one. + +"I thought you'd come today," she said, and her voice was tired, +dispirited. I felt a sudden compunction seize me that my visits to her +had been so few since Jack's going. + +"I couldn't have kept away," I said, and then my old friend dropped my +hand, which she had been holding, and, sinking into a chair, put her +wrinkled old hands up to her face. I saw the slow tears trickling +through her fingers, and I knelt by her side and drew her head against +my shoulder, comforting her as she once had comforted me. + +Mrs. Stewart was never one to give way to emotion, and it was but a +few moments before she drew herself erect, wiped her eyes, and said +quietly: + +"I'll show you the cablegram." + +She went to her desk, and drew out the message, clipped, abbreviated +in the puzzling fashion of cablegrams: + + "Regret inform you, Bickett killed, action French front. Details + later." + + (Signed) "CAILLARD." + +"Caillard? Caillard?" Where had I heard that name? Then I suddenly +remembered. Paul Caillard was the friend with whom Jack had gone +across the ocean to the Great War. I examined the paper carefully. + +"I thought Dicky said you received the usual official notification," I +remarked. + +"That's what I told him," she replied. "That's it." + +"But this isn't an official message," I persisted. + +"Why isn't it?" + +I explained the difference haltingly, and spoke of the wonderful +system of identification in the French army, with every man tagged +with a metal identification check. + +"You will probably receive the official notification in a few days," I +commented. + +A queer, startled expression flashed into her face. She opened her +mouth, as if to speak, and then, looking at me sharply, closed +it again. Reaching out her hand for the cablegram, she folded it +mechanically, as if thinking of something far away, then going to her +desk, put it away, and stood as if thinking deeply for two or three +minutes, which seemed an hour to me. + +At last I saw her body straighten. She gave a little shake of her +shoulders, as if rousing herself, and, turning from the desk, came +toward me. I saw that she held in her hand a bundle of letters. + +"I understand that you and Jack made some fool agreement that he was +not to write to you, and that you were not even to read his letters +to me. I'm not expressing my opinion about it, but now that he's gone, +I'm going to turn these letters over to you. I'm not blind, you know. +Most of them were all really written to you, even if I did receive +them. Poor lad! It seems such a pity he should be struck down just as +a little happiness seemed coming his way." + +She put the letters in my hands, and, turning swiftly, went out of +the room. I knew her well enough to realize that she would not return +until I had read the messages from Jack. But what in the world did she +mean by her last words? + +I drew a big, easy chair to the fireside, and began to read the +missives. Some were short, some were long, but all were filled with +a quiet courage and cheerfulness that I knew had illuminated not only +Jack's letters to his old friend, but his life and the lives of others +wherever he had been. Every one of them had some reference to me--an +inquiry after my health, an injunction to Mrs. Stewart to be sure to +keep track of my happiness, a little kodak print or other souvenir +marked "For Margaret if I do not come back." + +I felt guilty, remorseful, that I had seen so little of Mrs. Stewart +since his departure. My own affairs, especially my long, terrible +summer's experience with Grace Draper, had shut everything else from +my mind. + +One letter in particular made my eyes brim with sudden tears. The +first of it had been cheery, with entertaining little accounts of the +few poor bits of humor which the soldiers in the trenches extracted +from their terrible every day round. Along toward the end a sudden +impulse seemed to have swept the writer's pen into a more sombre +channel. + +"I have been thinking much, dear old friend," he wrote, "of the +futility of human desires. Life in the trenches is rather conducive to +that form of mediation, as you may imagine. You know, none better, +how I loved Margaret, how I wanted to make her my wife--I often wonder +whether if I had not delayed so long, 'fearing my fate too much,' +I might not have won her. But thoughts, like that are worse than +useless. + +"Instead, there has come to me a clearer understanding of Margaret, a +better insight into the golden heart of her. If she had never met +the other man, or some one like him, I believe I could have made her +happy, kept her contented. But I realize fully that having met him +there could never be any other man for her but him. Her love for him +is like a flame, transforming her. I could never have called forth +such passion from her. I see clearly now how foolish it was in me to +have hoped it. There was nothing in the humdrum, commonplace brotherly +affection which she thought I gave her to arouse the romance which I +know slumbers under that calm, cold exterior of hers. + +"Sometimes I query, too, whether my love for Margaret had that +flame-like quality which characterizes her love for her husband. +Margaret has always been so much a part of my life that my love for +her began I could not tell when, and grew and strengthened with the +years. There never has been any other woman but Margaret in my life. +Even if I should ever come out of this living hell, which I doubt, I +do not believe there ever will be another. + +"And yet--" + +"I have just been summoned for duty. Good-by, dear friend, until the +next time. Lovingly yours, Jack Bickett." + +I laid the letter aside with a queer little startled feeling at my +heart. + +Those two little words, "and yet," at the end of Jack's letter gave me +much food for thought. Was it possible that before his death Jack had +realized that his love for me was not the consuming passion he had +thought it, but partook more of the fraternal affection that I had had +for him? + +I hoped for Jack's sake that this was so. + +"And yet--" + +I ran through the rest of the letters rapidly. One, the third from the +last, arrested my attention sharply. + +"Such a pleasant thing happened to me today," Jack wrote, "one of the +unexpected gleams of sunlight that are so much brighter because of the +general gloom against which they are reflected. + +"I was given a week's furlough last Saturday and went up to Paris with +my friend, Paul Caillard. He had a friend in a hospital on the way +there, headed by Dr. Braithwaite, the celebrated surgeon of Detroit." + +I caught my breath. As well as if I had already read the words, I knew +what was coming. + +"At an unexpected turn in the corridor I almost knocked over a +little nurse who was hurrying toward the office. She looked up at +me startled, out of the prettiest brown eyes I ever saw, and then +stopped, staring at me as if I had been a ghost. I stared back, +frankly, for her face was familiar to me, although for the moment I +could not tell where I had seen her before. + +"Then, half-shyly, she spoke, and her voice matched her eyes. + +"'You are Mr. Bickett, are you not, Mrs. Graham's cousin?' + +"For a moment I did not realize that 'Mrs. Graham' was Margaret. But +that gave me no clue to the identity of the girl. Then all at once it +came to me. + +"'I know you now,' I said. 'You are Mark Earle's little sister, +Katherine.'" + +So they had met at last, Jack Bickett, my brother-cousin, and +Katherine Sonnot, the little nurse who had taken care of my +mother-in-law, and whom I had learned to love as a dear friend. + +Was I glad or sorry, I wondered, as I picked up Jack's letter again +that I had crushed any feeling I might have had in the matter, and +had spoken the word to Dr. Braithwaite that resulted in Katharine's +joining the eminent surgeon's staff of nurses? It seemed a pity to +have these two meet only to be torn apart so soon by death. + +"I cannot begin to tell you how delighted I was when we recognized +each other. You can imagine over here that to one American the meeting +with another American, especially if both have the same friends, is +an event. Luckily, Miss Sonnot was just about to have an afternoon off +when we met, and if she had an engagement--which she denied--she was +kind enough to break it for me. I need not tell you that I spent the +most delightful afternoon I have had since coming over here. + +"You can be sure that I at once exerted all the influence I had +through my friend, Caillard, and his friend in the hospital to secure +as much free time for Miss Sonnot as possible for the time I was to be +on furlough. It is like getting home after being away so long to talk +to this brave, sensible, beautiful young girl--for she deserves all of +the adjectives." + +In the two letters which were the last ones numbered by Mrs. Stewart, +Jack spoke again and again of the little nurse. Almost the last line +of his last letter, written after he returned to the front, spoke of +her. + +"Little Miss Sonnot and I correspond," he wrote, "and you can have +no idea how much good her letters do me. They are like fresh, sweet +breezes glowing through the miasma of life in the trenches." + +I folded the letters, put them back into their envelopes, and arranged +them as Mrs. Stewart had given them to me. When she came back into the +room she found me still holding them and staring into the fire. + +"Did you read them all?" she asked. + +"Yes," I replied. + +"Don't you think those last ones sounded as if he were really getting +interested in that little nurse?" she demanded. + +There was a peculiar intonation in her voice which told me that in +her own queer little way she was trying to punish me for my failure +to come to see her oftener with inquiries about Jack. She evidently +thought that my vanity would be piqued at the thought of Jack becoming +interested in any other woman after his life-long devotion to me. + +But I flatter myself that my voice was absolutely non-committal as I +answered her. + +"Yes, I do," I agreed, "and what a tragedy it seems that he should be +snatched away from the prospect of happiness." + +The words were sincere. I was sure. + +And yet-- + + + + +XXXVII + +A CHANGE IN LILLIAN UNDERWOOD + + +"Well, children, have you made any plans for Dicky's birthday yet?" + +I nearly fell off my chair in astonishment at the friendliness in my +mother-in-law's tones. She had been sulky ever since we had come home +from our autumn outing in the Catskills, a sulkiness caused by her +resentment of what she chose to consider the indiscreet interest +taken in me by Robert Gordon, the mysterious millionaire whom I had +discovered to be an old friend of my parents. I shrewdly suspected, +however, that her continued resentment was more because Dicky chose +to take my part in the matter against her, than because of any real +feeling toward Mr. Gordon. + +Nearly a year's experience, however, had taught me how best to manage +my mother-in-law. When she indulged herself in one of her frequent +"tantrums" I adopted a carefully courteous, scrupulously formal +attitude toward her, and dismissed her from my mind. Thus I saved +myself much worry and irritation, and deprived her of the pleasure +of a quarrel, something which I knew she would be glad to bring on +sometimes for the sheer pleasure of combat. + +Her question was so sudden, her cordiality so surprising, that I could +frame no answer. Instead I looked helplessly at Dicky. To tell +the truth, I rather distrusted this sudden amiability. From past +experiences, I knew that when Mother Graham made a sudden change from +sulkiness to cheerfulness, she had some scheme under way. + +Dicky's answer was prompt. + +"That's entirely up to Madge, mother," he said, and smiled at me. + +Although his mother tried hard she could not keep the acerbity out of +her tones as she turned to me. She always resented any deference of +Dicky to my opinion. + +"Well, as Richard has no opinion of his own, what are your plans, +Margaret?" + +"Why, I have made none so far," I stammered, wishing with all my heart +that I had made some definite plan for Dicky's birthday. I could see +from my mother-in-law's manner that she had some cherished scheme in +mind, and my prophetic soul told me that it would be something which I +would not particularly like. + +"Good," she returned. "Then I shall not be interfering with any plan +of yours. I have already written to Elizabeth asking them to come out +here for a week's visit. This is an awful shack, of course, but it +is the country, and the children will enjoy the woods and brooks and +fields, even if it is cold." + +Dicky turned to her abruptly, his brow stormy, his eyes flashing. + +"Mother, do you mean to say that you have already written to Elizabeth +without first consulting Madge as to whether it would be convenient?" + +I trod heavily on his toes under the table in the vain hope that I +would be able to stop him from saying the words which I knew would +inflame his mother's temper. Failing in that, I hastened to throw a +sentence or two of my own into the breach in the desire to prevent +further hostilities. + +"Dicky, stop talking nonsense!" I said sharply. "I am sure Mother +Graham," turning to my mother-in-law who sat regarding her son with +the most traditional of "stony stares," "we shall be delighted to have +your daughter and her family. You must tell me how many there are +so we can arrange for beds and plenty of bedding. This is a rather +draughty house, you know." + +"I am better aware of that than you are," she returned, ungraciously +making no response to my proffer of hospitality. Then she turned her +attention to Dicky. + +"Richard," she said sternly, "I have never been compelled to consult +anybody yet, before inviting guests to my home, whether it be a +permanent or a temporary one. I am too old to begin. I do not notice +that you or Margaret take the trouble to consult me before inviting +your friends here." + +Dicky opened his mouth to reply, but I effectually stopped him, by a +swift kick, which I think found a mark, for he jumped perceptibly +and flashed me a wrathful look. I knew that he was thinking of the +strenuous objection his mother had made to our entertaining the +Underwoods, and to the proposed visit of Robert Gordon to our home. +But I knew also that it was no time to rake up old scores. I foresaw +trouble enough in this proposed visit of my relatives-in-law whom I +had never seen, without having things complicated by a row between +Dicky and his mother. + +There was trouble, too, in all the housecleaning, the re-arrangement +of our rooms and in the laying in of a stock of provisions to meet +the requirements of the menu for each meal that Mother Graham insisted +upon deciding in advance to please her daughter and the children. And +then, the day they were to arrive, she received a special delivery +letter calmly announcing that they were not coming. But my +annoyance was forgotten in Mother Graham's very apparent and utter +disappointment. + +When I broke the news to Dicky he suggested that we have a party +anyway, and Mother Graham sweetly acquiesced in our plans to invite +the Underwoods. + +Lillian's voice over the telephone, however, made me forget all my +contentment, and filled me with misgiving. It was tense, totally +unlike her usual bluff, hearty tones, and with an undercurrent in it +that spelled tragedy. + +"What is the trouble, Lillian?" I asked, as soon as I had heard her +greeting; "I know something is the matter by your voice." + +"Yes, there is," she replied, "but nothing of which I can speak +over the 'phone. Tell me, are you going to have any strangers there +tomorrow?" + +How like Lillian the bluff, honest speech was! Almost any other woman +would have hypocritically assured me that nothing was the matter. But +not Lillian Underwood! + +"Nobody but the Durkees," I assured her. "They have already promised +to be here. But, Lillian, you surely must get here as soon as you can. +I shall be so worried until I see you. If you don't get here early +tomorrow morning I shall come in after you." + +"You couldn't keep me away, you blessed child, if you are going to +have no strangers there," Lillian returned. "I don't mind the Durkees. +But I need you, my dear, very much. Now I must tell you something, +don't be shocked or surprised when you see me, for I shall be somewhat +changed in appearance. Run along to Dicky now. I'll be with you some +time tomorrow forenoon. Good-by." + +I almost forgot to hang up the telephone receiver in my bewilderment. +What trouble could have come to Lillian that she needed me? She was +the last person in the world to need any one, I thought--she, whose +sterling good sense and unfailing good-nature had helped me so +many times. And what change in her appearance did she mean when she +cautioned me against being shocked and surprised at seeing her? + +My anxiety concerning Lillian stayed with me all through the evening. +I awoke in the night from troubled dreams of her to equally troubled +thoughts concerning her. And my concern was complicated by a message +which Dicky received the next forenoon. + +We had barely finished breakfast when the telephone rang and Dicky +answered. + +"Hello," I heard him say. "Yes, this is Graham. Oh! Mr. Gordon! how do +you do?" + +My heart skipped a beat. + +"Why! that's awfully kind of you," Dicky was saying, "but we couldn't +possibly accept, because we have guests coming ourselves. We expect to +have a regular old-fashioned country dinner here at home. But, why +do you not come out to us? Oh, no, you wouldn't disturb any plans at +all--they've been thoroughly upset already. We had planned to have +my sister and her family, six in all, spend this holiday with us, but +yesterday we found they could not come. So we're inviting what friends +we can find who are not otherwise engaged to help us eat up the +turkey. You will be more than welcome if you will join us. All right, +then. Do you know about trains? Yes, any taxi driver can tell you +where we are. Good-by." + +I did not dare to look at my mother-in-law as Dicky came toward us +after answering Robert Gordon's telephone message. + +I think Dicky was a trifle afraid, also, of his mother's verdict, for +his attitude was elaborately apologetic as he explained his invitation +to me. + +"Your friend, Gordon, has just gotten in from one of those mysterious +voyages of his to parts unknown," he said. "He was delayed in reaching +the city, only got in last night, too late to telephone us. Seems +he had some cherished scheme of having us his guests at a blowout. +Wouldn't mind going if we hadn't asked these people here, for they say +his little dinners are something to dream about, they're so unique. Of +course, there was nothing else for me to do but to invite him out. I +thought you wouldn't mind." + +In Dicky's tone there was a doubtful inflection which I read +correctly. He knew of my interest in the elderly man of mystery who +had known my parents so well, and I was sure that he thought I would +be overjoyed because he had extended the invitation. + +I was glad that I could honestly disabuse his mind of this idea, for I +had a curious little feeling that Dicky disliked more than he appeared +to do the attentions paid to me by Mr. Gordon. + +It was less than an hour before the taxi bearing the first of our +guests swung into the driveway and Lillian and Harry Underwood stepped +out. + +Lillian's head and face were so swathed in veils that I did not +realize what the change in her appearance of which she had warned me +was until I was alone with her in my room, which I intended giving up +to her and her husband while they stayed. Then, as she took off her +hat and veils, I almost cried out in astonishment--for at my first, +unaccustomed glance, instead of the rouged and powdered face, and dyed +hair, which to me had been the only unpleasant things about Lillian +Underwood, the face of an old woman looked at me, and the hair above +it was gray! + +There were the remnants of great youthful beauty in Lillian's face. +Nay, more, there were wonderful possibilities when the present crisis +in her life, whatever it might be, should have passed. But the effect +of the change in her was staggering. + +"Awful, isn't it?" she said, coming up to me. "No, don't lie to me," +as she saw a confused, merciful denial rise to my lips. "There are +mirrors everywhere, you know. There's one comfort, I can't possibly +ever look any worse than I do now, and when my hair gets over the +effect of its long years of dyeing, and my present emotional crisis +becomes less tense I probably shall not be such a fright. But oh, my +dear, how glad I am to be with you. I need you so much just now." + +She put her head on my shoulder as a homesick child might have done, +and I felt her draw two or three long, shuddering breaths, the dry +sobs which take the place of tears in the rare moments when Lillian +Underwood gives way to emotion. I stroked her hair with tender, +pitiful fingers, noticing as I did so what ravages her foolish +treatment of her hair had made in tresses that must once have been +beautiful. Originally of the blonde tint she had tried to preserve, +her locks were now an ugly mixture of dull drab and gray. As I stood +looking down at the head pillowed against my shoulder I realized what +this transformation in Lillian must mean to Harry Underwood. + +He it was who had always insisted that she follow the example of the +gay Bohemian crowd of which he was a leader, and disguise her fleeting +youth, with dye and rouge. It was to please him, or, as she once +expressed it to me, "to play the game fairly with Harry" that she +outraged her own instincts, her sense of what was decent and becoming, +and constantly made up her face into a mask like that of a woman of +the half-world. No one could deny that it disguised her real age, but +her best friends, including Dicky and myself, had always felt that the +real mature beauty of the woman was being hidden. + +"Of course, this is terribly rough on Harry," Lillian said at last, +raising her head from my shoulder, and speaking in as ordinary and +unruffled a tone as if she had not just gone through what in any other +woman would have been a hysterical burst of tears. + +"It really isn't fair to him, and under any other conditions in the +world I would not do it. He's pretty well cut up about it, so much so +that he cannot always control his annoyance when he is speaking about +it. But I know you will overlook any little outbreaks of his, won't +you? He wanted to come down here with me, you know he's always anxious +to see you, or I would have run away by myself." + +Her tone was anxious, wistful, and my heart ached for her. I could +guess that when Harry Underwood could not "control his annoyance" he +could be very horrid indeed. But I winced at her casual remark that +her husband was always anxious to see me. Harry Underwood held in +restraint by his very real admiration for his brilliant wife had been +annoying enough to me. I did not care to think what he might be when +enraged at her as I knew he must be now. + +Nothing of my feeling, however, must I betray to the friend who had +come to me for help and comfort. I drew closer the arms that had not +yet released her. + +"Dear girl," I said softly, "don't worry any more about your husband +or anything else. Just consider that you've come home to your sister. +I'm going to keep you awhile now I've got you, and we'll straighten +everything out. Don't even bother to tell me anything about it until +you are fully rested. I can see you've been under some great strain." + +"No one can ever realize how great," she returned. "You see--" + +What revelation she meant to make to me I did not then learn, for just +at that moment a knock sounded on the door, and in answer to my "come +in," Katie appeared and announced the arrival of the Durkees and +Richard Gordon. + + + + +XXXVIII + +"NO--NURSE--JUST--LILLIAN" + + +"Tell me, Madge," Dicky's tone was tense, and I recognized the note of +jealous anger which generally preceded his scenes, "are you going to +have that old goat take you out to dinner? Because if you are--" + +He broke off abruptly, as if he thought an unspoken threat would be +more terrifying than one put into words. I knew to what he referred. +As hostess, I, of course, should be escorted in to dinner by the +stranger in our almost family party, Robert Gordon, who was also the +oldest man present. Ordinarily, Dicky would have realized that his +demand to have me change this conventional arrangement was a most +ill-bred and inconsiderate thing. But Dicky sane and Dicky jealous, +however, were two different men. + +Always before this day Dicky had regarded with tolerant amusement the +strange interest shown in me by the elderly man of mystery who had +known my mother. But the magnificent chrysanthemums which Mr. Gordon +had brought me, dozens of them, costing much more money than the +ordinary conventional floral gift to one's hostess ought to cost, had +roused his always smouldering jealousy to an unreasoning pitch. + +Fear of hurting Robert Gordon's feelings was the one consideration +that held me back from defying Dicky's mandate. Experience had taught +me the best course to pursue with Dicky. + +"If, as I suppose, you are referring to Mr. Gordon, it may interest +you to know that I have not the faintest intention of going in to +dinner with him," I retorted coolly. "Lillian wants to talk with him +about South America, and I shall have your friend, Mr. Underwood, as +my escort." + +"Gee, how happy you'll be," sneered Dicky, but I could see that he was +relieved at my information. "You're so fond of dear old Harry, aren't +you?" + +"To tell you the truth, I have to fight all the time against becoming +too fond of him," I returned mockingly. "He can be dangerously +fascinating, you know." + +Dicky laughed in a way that showed me his brainstorm over Robert +Gordon had been checked. But there was a startled look in his eyes +which changed to a more speculative scrutiny before he moved away. + +"Oh, old Harry's all right," he said. "He's my pal, and he never means +anything, anyway." But I noticed that he said it as if he were trying +to convince himself of the truth of his assertion. + +When I told Harry Underwood that he was to take me in to dinner, and +we were leading the way into the dining room, his brilliant black eyes +looked down into mine mockingly, and he said: + +"You see it is Fate. No matter how you struggle against it you cannot +escape me." + +"Do I look as if I were struggling?" I laughed back, and saw a sudden +expression of bewilderment in his eyes, followed instantly by a flash +of triumph. + +Everything that was cattishly feminine in me leaped to life at that +look in the eyes of the man whom I detested, whom I had even feared. +I could read plainly enough in his eyes that he thought the assiduous +flatteries he had always paid me were commencing to have their result, +that I was beginning to recognize the dangerous fascination he was +reputed to have for women of every station. I had a swift, savage +desire to avenge the women he must have made suffer, to hurt him as +before dinner he had wounded Lillian. + +So instead of turning an impassive face to Mr. Underwood's remark, I +listened with just the hint of an elusive mischievous smile twisting +my lips. + +"No, you don't look very uncomfortable. You look"--he caught his +breath as if with some emotion too strong for utterance, and then said +a trifle huskily: + +"Will you let me tell you how you look to me?" + +I had to exercise all my self-control to keep from laughing in +his face. He was such a poseur, his simulation of emotion was +so melodramatic that I wondered if he really imagined I would be +impressed by it. + +A spirit of mischievous daring stirred in me. + +"Don't tell me just now," I said softly. "Wait till after dinner." + +"Afraid?" he challenged. + +"Perhaps," I countered. + +He gave my hand lying upon his arm a swift, furtive pressure and +released it so quickly that there was no possibility of his being +observed. I had no time to rebuke him, had I been so disposed, for we +had almost reached our places at the table. + +I do not remember much of the dinner over which Mother Graham, Katie +and I had worked so assiduously. That everything went off smoothly, as +we had planned, that from the Casaba melons which were served first to +the walnuts of the last course, everything was delicious in flavor and +perfect in service I was gratefully but dimly aware. + +For I felt as if I were on the brink of a volcano. Not because of +Harry Underwood's elaborate show of attention to me to which I was +pretending to respond, much to the disgust of my mother-in-law, but on +account of the queer behavior of Robert Gordon. + +Lillian, who was making a pitifully brave attempt to bring to the +occasion all the airy brightness with which she was wont to make any +gathering favored by her presence a success, secured only the briefest +responses from him, although he had taken her out to dinner. Sometimes +he made no answer at all to her remarks, evidently not hearing them. + +He watched me almost constantly, and so noticeable was his action that +I saw every one at the table was aware of it. It was a gaze to set any +one's brain throbbing with wild conjectures, so mournful, so elusive +it was. The fantastic thought crossed my mind that this mysterious +elderly friend of my dead mother's looked like a long famished man, +coming suddenly in sight of food. + +By the time the dinner was over I was intensely nervous. Katie +served us our coffee in the living room, and when I took mine my hand +trembled so that the tiny cup rattled against the saucer. I rose from +my chair and walked to the fireplace, set the cup upon the mantel and +stood looking into the blazing logs Jim had heaped against the old +chimney. My guests could not see my face, and I hoped to be able to +pull myself together. + +"Ready to have me tell you how you look to me, now?" said Harry +Underwood's voice, softly, insidiously in my ear. + +I started and moved a little away from him, which brought me nearer +to the fire. The next moment I was wildly beating at little tongues of +flame running up the flimsy fabric of my dress. + +I heard hoarse shouts, shrill screams, felt rough hands seize me, and +wrap me in heavy, stifling cloth, which seemed to press the flames +searingly down into my flesh, and then for a little I knew no more. + +It seemed only a moment that I lost consciousness. When I came back to +myself I was lying on the couch with Lillian Underwood's deft, tender +fingers working over me. From somewhere back of me Dicky's voice +sounded in a hoarse, gasping way that terrified me. + +"For God's sake, Lil, is she--" + +Lillian's voice, firm, reassuring, answered: + +"No, Dicky, no, she's pretty badly burned, I fear, but I am sure she +will be all right. Now, dear boy, get your mother to her room and make +her lie down. Mrs. Durkee and I can take care of Madge better with you +all out of the way. Did you get a doctor, Alfred?" + +"Coming as soon as he can get here," Alfred Durkee replied. + +"Good," Lillian returned. "Now everybody except Mrs. Durkee get out +of here. Katie, bring a blanket, some sheets, and one of Mrs. Graham's +old nightdresses from her room. I shall have to cut the gown." + +Even through the terrible scorching heat which seemed to envelop my +body I realized that Lillian, as always, was dominating the situation. +I could hear the snip of her scissors as she cut away the pieces of +burned cloth, and the low-toned directions to Mrs. Durkee, which told +me that Lillian already had secured our first aid kit and was giving +me the treatment necessary to alleviate my pain until the physician +should arrive. + +I am sorry to confess it, but I am a coward where physical pain is +concerned. I am not one of those women who can bear the torturing +pangs of any illness or accident without an outcry. And, struggle as I +might, I could not repress the moan which rose to my lips. + +"I know, child." Lillian's tender hands held my writhing ones, her +pitying eyes looked into mine; but she turned from me the next moment +in amazement, for Robert Gordon, the mysterious man who had loved my +mother, appeared, as if from nowhere, at her side, twisting his hands +together and muttering words which I could not believe to be real, +so strange and disjointed were they. I felt that they must be only +fantasies of my confused brain. + +"Mr. Gordon, this will never do," Lillian said sternly. "I thought I +had sent every one out of the room except Mrs. Durkee." + +"I know--I am going right away again. But I had to come this time. Is +she going to die?" + +"Not if I can get a chance to attend to her without everybody +bothering me. I am very sure she is not seriously injured. Now, you +must go away." + +Mr. Gordon fled at once. And Lillian, and Mrs. Durkee worked so +swiftly and skillfully that when the physician, a kindly, elderly +practitioner from Crest Haven arrived, my pain had been assuaged. + +By his direction I was carried to my own room. I must have fainted +before they moved me, for the next thing I remember was the sound of +the doctor's voice. + +"There is nothing to be alarmed over," the physician was saying to a +shadowy some one at the head of my bed, a some one who was breathing +heavily, and the trembling of whose body I could feel against the bed. +"Of course, the shock has been severe, and the pain of moving her was +too much for her. But she is coming round nicely. You may speak to her +now." + +The shadowy some one moved forward a little, resolved itself to my +clearing sight as my husband. He knelt beside the bed and put his lips +to my uninjured hand. + +"Sweetheart! Sweetheart!" he murmured, "my own girl! Is the pain very +bad?" + +"Not now," I answered faintly, trying to smile, but only succeeding +in twisting my mouth into a grimace of pain. The flames had mercifully +spared my hair and most of my face, but there was one burn upon +one side of my throat, extending up into my cheek, which made it +uncomfortable for me to move the muscles of my face. + +"Don't try to talk," Dicky replied. "Just lie still and let us take +care of you. Lil will stay, I know, until we can get a nurse here, +won't you, Lil?" + +As a frightened child might do, I turned my eyes to Lillian, +beseechingly. + +"No--nurse--just--Lillian," I faltered. + +Lillian stooped over me reassuringly. + +"No one shall touch you but me," she said decisively, and then turning +to the physician, said demurely: + +"Do you think I can be trusted with the case, doctor?" + +"Most assuredly," the physician returned heartily. "Indeed, if you can +stay it is most fortunate for Mrs. Graham. Good trained nurses are at +a premium just now, and great care will be necessary in this case to +prevent disfigurement!" + +A quick, stifled exclamation of dismay came from Dicky. + +"Is there any danger of her face being scarred?" he asked worriedly. + +"Not while I'm on the job," Lillian returned decisively, and there was +no idle boasting in her statement, simply quiet certainty. + +But there was another note in her voice, or so it seemed to my +feverish imagination, a note of scorn for Dicky, that he should be +thinking of my possible disfigurement when my very life had been in +question but a moment before. + +A sick terror crept over me. Did my husband love me only for what poor +claims to pulchritude I possessed? Suppose the physician should be +mistaken, and I be hideously scarred, after all, as I had seen fire +victims scarred, would I see the love light die in his eyes, would I +never again witness the admiring glances Dicky was wont to flash at me +when I wore something especially becoming? + +I had often wondered since my marriage whether Dicky's love for me was +the real lasting devotion which could stand adversity. I knew that no +matter how old or gray or maimed or disfigured Dicky might become he +would be still my royal lover. I should never see the changes in him. +But if I should suddenly turn an ugly scarred face to Dicky would he +shrink from me? + +An epigram from one of the sanest and cleverest of our modern +humorists flashed into my mind. Dicky and I had read it together only +a few weeks before. + +"Heaven help you, madam, if your husband does not love you because of +your foibles instead of in spite of them." + +Did all women have this experience I wondered, and then as Lillian's +face bent over me I caught my breath in an understanding wave of pity +for her. + +This was what she was undergoing, this experience of seeing her +husband turn away his eyes from her, as if the very sight of her was +painful to him. + +Dicky would never do that, I knew. He had not the capacity for cruelty +which Harry Underwood possessed. But I was sure it would torture +me more to know that he was disguising his aversion than to see him +openly express it. + + + + +XXXIX + +HARRY CALLS TO SAY GOOD-BY + + +Lillian Underwood kept her promise to Dicky that I should suffer no +scar as the result of the burns I received when my dress caught fire +on the night of my dinner. + +Never patient had a more faithful nurse than Lillian. She had a cot +placed in my room where she slept at night, and she rarely left my +side. + +I found my invalidism very pleasant in spite of the pain and +inconvenience of my burns. Everyone was devoted to my comfort. Even +Mother Graham's acerbity was softened by the suffering I underwent +in the first day or two following the accident, although I soon +discovered that she was actually jealous because Lillian and not she +was nursing me. + +"It is the first time in my life that I have ever found my judgment in +nursing set aside as of no value," she said querulously to me one day +when she was sitting with me while Lillian attended to the preparation +of some special dish for me in the kitchen. + +"Oh, Mother Graham," I protested, "please don't look at it that way. +You know how careful you have to be about your heart. We couldn't let +you undertake the task of nursing me, it would have been too much for +you." + +"Well, if your own mother were alive I don't believe any one could +have kept her from taking care of you," she returned stubbornly. + +There was a wistful note in her voice that touched and enlightened +me. Beneath all the crustiness of my mother-in-law's disposition there +must lie a very real regard--I tremulously wondered if I might not +call it love--for me. + +My heart warmed toward the lonely, crabbed old woman as it had never +done before. I put out my uninjured hand, clasped hers, and drew her +toward me. + +"Mother dear," I said softly, "please believe me, it would be no +different if my own little mother were here. She, of course, would +want to take care of me, but her frailness would have made it +impossible. And I want you to know that I appreciate all your +kindness." + +She bent to kiss me. + +"I'm a cantankerous old woman, sometimes," she said quaveringly, "but +I am fond of you, Margaret." + +She released me so abruptly and went out of the room so quickly that +I had no opportunity to answer her. But I lay back on my pillows, +warm with happiness, filled with gratitude that in spite of the many +controversies in which my husband's mother and I had been involved, +and the verbal indignities which she had sometimes heaped upon me, +we had managed to salvage so much real affection as a basis for our +future relations with each other. + +The reference to my own little mother, which I had made, brought back +to me the homesickness, the longing for her which comes over me often, +especially when I am not feeling well. When Lillian returned she found +me weeping quietly. + +"Here, this will never do!" she said kindly, but firmly. "I'm not +going to ask you what you were crying about, for I haven't time to +listen. I must fix you up to see two visitors. But"--she forestalled +the question I was about to ask--"before you see one of them I must +tell you that Harry and I have about come to the parting of the ways." + +"The parting of the ways!" I gasped. "Harry and you?" + +Lillian Underwood nodded as calmly as if she had simply announced +a decision to alter a gown or a hat, instead of referring to a +separation from her husband. + +"It will have to come to that, I am afraid," she said, and looking +more closely at her I saw that her calmness was only assumed, that +humiliation and sadness had her in their grip. + +"I have always feared that when the time came for me to be 'my honest +self' instead of a 'made-up daisy'"--she smiled wearily as she quoted +the childish rhyme--"Harry would not be big enough to take it well. +Of course I could and would stand all his unpleasantness concerning my +altered appearance, but the root of his actions goes deeper than that, +I am afraid. He dislikes children, and I fear that he will object to +my having my little girl with me. And if he does--" + +Her tone spelled finality but I had no time to bestow upon the +probable fate of Harry Underwood. With a glad little cry, I drew +Lillian down to my bedside and kissed her. + +"Oh! Lillian!" I exclaimed, "are you really going to have your baby +girl after all?" + +She nodded, and I held her close with a little prayer of thanksgiving +that fate had finally relented and had given to this woman the desire +of her heart, so long kept from her. + +I saw now, and wondered why I had not realized before the reason for +Lillian's sudden abandonment of the rouge and powder and dyed hair +which she had used so long. Once she had said to me, "When my baby +comes home, she shall have a mother with a clean face and pepper and +salt hair, but until that time, I shall play the game with Harry." + +And so for Harry's sake, for the man who was not worthy to tie her +shoes, she had continued to crucify her real instincts in an effort +to hide the worst feminine crime in her husband's calendar--advancing +age. + +"When will she come to you?" I asked, and then with a sudden +remembrance of the only conditions under which Lillian's little +daughter could be restored to her, I added, "then her father is--" + +"Not dead, but dying," Lillian returned gravely, "but oh, my dear, he +sent for me two weeks ago and acknowledged the terrible wrong he did +me. I am vindicated at last, Madge--at last." + +Her voice broke, and as she laid her cheek against my hand, I felt the +happy tears which she must have kept back all through the excitement +of my accident. How like her to put by her own greatest experiences as +of no consequence when weighed against another's trouble! + +I kissed her happily. "Do you feel that you can tell me about it?" I +asked. + +"You and Dicky are the two people I want most to know," she returned. +"Will confessed everything to me, and better still, to his mother. +I would have been glad to have spared the poor old woman, for she +idolizes her son, but you remember I told you that although she loved +me, he had made her believe the vile things he said of me. It was +necessary that she should know the truth, if after Will's death I was +to have any peace in my child's companionship. + +"Marion loves her grandmother dearly, and the old woman fairly +idolizes the child, although her feebleness has compelled her to leave +most of the care of the child to hired nurses. There is where I am +going to have my chance with my little girl. I never shall separate +her from her grandmother while the old woman lives, but from the +moment she comes to me, no hireling's hand shall care for her--she +shall be mine, all mine." + +Her voice was a paean of triumphant love. My heart thrilled in +sympathy with hers, but underneath it all I was conscious of a +strong desire to have Harry Underwood reconciled to this new plan of +Lillian's. The calmness with which she had spoken of their parting had +not deceived me. I knew that Lillian's pride, already dragged in the +dust by her first unhappy marital experience, would suffer greatly +if she had to acknowledge that her second venture had also failed. +I tried to think of some manner in which I could remedy matters. +Unconsciously Lillian played directly into my hands. + +"But here I am bothering you with all of my troubles," she said, "when +all the time gallant cavaliers wait without, anxious to pay their +devoirs." + +Her voice was as gay, as unconcerned, as if she had not just been +sounding the depths of terrible memories. I paid a silent tribute to +her powers of self-discipline before answering curiously. + +"Gallant cavaliers?" I repeated. "Who are they?" + +"Well, Harry is at the door, and Mr. Gordon at the gate," she returned +merrily. "In other words, Harry is downstairs, waiting patiently +for me to give him permission to see you, while Mr. Gordon took up +quarters at a country inn near here the day after your accident +and has called or telephoned almost hourly since. He begged me this +morning to let him know when you would be able to see him. If Harry's +call does not tire you, I think I would better 'phone him to come +over." + +"Lillian!" I spoke imperatively, as a sudden recollection flashed +through my mind. "Was I delirious, or did I hear Mr. Gordon exclaim +something very foolish the night of my accident?" + +She looked at me searchingly. + +"He said, 'My darling, have I found you only to lose you again?'" she +answered. + +"What did he mean?" I gasped. + +"That he must tell you himself, Madge," she said gravely. "For me to +guess his meaning would be futile. Shall I telephone him to come over, +and will you see Harry for a moment or two now?" + +"Yes! to both questions," I answered. + +"Well, lady fair, they haven't made you take the count yet, have they? +By Jove, you're prettier than ever." + +Ushered by Lillian, Harry Underwood came into my room with all his +usual breeziness, and stood looking down at me as I lay propped +against the pillows Lillian had piled around me. It was the first time +I had seen him since the night of our dinner, when with the wild idea +of punishing Dicky for his foolishness regarding elderly Mr. Gordon I +had carried on a rather intense flirtation with Harry Underwood. + +I had been heartily sorry for and ashamed of the experiment before +the dinner was half over, and many times since the accident which +interrupted the evening I had wondered, half-whimsically, whether my +dress catching fire was not a "judgment on me." I had deeply dreaded +seeing Mr. Underwood again, but as I looked into his eyes I saw +nothing but friendly cheeriness and pity. + +Lillian drew a chair for him to my bedside, and for a few moments he +chatted of everything and nothing in the entertaining manner he knows +so well how to use. + +"You may have just three minutes more, Harry," Lillian said at +last. "Stay here while I go down to telephone. Then you will have to +vamoose. Mr. Gordon is coming over, and I can't have her too tired." + +Her husband gave a low whistle, and I saw a quick look of +understanding pass between him and Lillian. I did not have time to +wonder about it, however, for Lillian went out of the room, and the +moment she closed the door he said tensely: + +"Tell me you forgive me. If I had not teased you that night you would +not have moved toward the fire, and your dress would not have caught. +Why! you might have been killed or horribly disfigured. I've been +suffering the tortures of Hades ever since. But you will forgive me, +won't you? I'll do any penance you name." + +Through all the extravagance of his speech there ran a deeper note +than I had believed Harry Underwood to be capable of sounding. As his +eyes met mine and I saw that there was something as near suffering in +them as the man's self-centred careless nature was capable of feeling +I saw my opportunity. + +"Yes, I'll forgive you--everything--if you'll promise me one thing, +which will make me very happy." + +He bit his lip savagely--I think he guessed my meaning--but he did not +hesitate. + +"Name it," he said shortly. + +"Don't hurt Lillian any more about the change in her appearance or +object to her having her child with her," I pleaded. + +He thought a long minute, then with a quick gesture he caught my +uninjured hand in his, carried it to his lips, and kissed it, then +laid it gently back upon the bed again. + +"Done," he said gruffly. "It won't bother me much for awhile anyway. +Your friend Gordon, wants me to go with him on a long trip to South +America. I'm the original white-haired boy with him just now for some +reason or other, and it's just the chance I have wanted to look up the +theatrical situation down there. Perhaps I can persuade the old boy +to loosen up on some of his bank roll and play angel. But anyway I'm +going to be gone quite a stretch, and when I come back I'll try to be +a reformed character. But remember, wherever I am 'me art is true to +Poll.'" + +He bowed mockingly with his old manner, and walked toward the door, +meeting Lillian as she came in. + +"So long, Lil," he said carelessly. "I'm going for a long walk. See +you later." + +She looked at him searchingly. "All right," she answered laconically, +and then came over to me. + +"Mr. Gordon will be here in a half-hour," she said. "Please try to +rest a little before he comes." + +She lowered the shades, and my pillows, kissed me gently, and left the +room. But I could neither rest nor sleep. The wildest conjectures went +through my brain. Who was Robert Gordon, and why was he so strangely +interested in me? + + + + +XL + +MADGE FACES THE PAST AND HEARS A DOOR SOFTLY CLOSE + + +It seemed a very long time to me, as I tossed on my pillows, beset by +the problem that even the name Robert Gordon always presents to me, +before Lillian came back to my room. But when she entered she said +that Mr. Gordon would soon arrive and that I must be prepared to see +him, so she bathed my hands and face and gave me an egg-nog before +propping me up against my pillows to receive my visitor. + +"Of course you will stay with me, Lillian, while he is here," I said. + +She smiled enigmatically. "Part of the time," she said. + +But when Mr. Gordon came, bringing with him an immense sheaf of roses, +she left the room almost at once, giving as an excuse her wish to +arrange the flowers. + +My visitor's eyes were burning with a light that almost frightened me +as he sat down by my bedside and took my hand in his. + +"My dear child," he said, and though the words were such as any +elderly man might address to a young woman, yet there was an intensity +in them that made me uncomfortable. "Are you sure everything is all +right with you?" + +"Very sure," I replied, smiling. "If Mrs. Underwood would permit me to +do so, I am certain I could get up now." + +"You must not think of trying it," he returned sharply, and with a +note in his voice, almost like authority, which puzzled me. + +"Thank God for Mrs. Underwood!" he went on. "She is a woman in a +thousand. I am indebted to her for life." + +I shrank back among my pillows, and wished that Lillian would return +to the room. I began to wonder if Mr. Gordon's brain was not slightly +turned. Surely, the fact that he had once known and loved my mother +was no excuse for the extravagant attitude he was taking. + +He saw the movement, and into his eyes flashed a look so mournful, so +filled with longing that I was thrilled to the heart. The next moment +he threw himself upon his knees by the side of my bed, and cried out +tensely: + +"Oh, my darling child, don't shrink from me. You will kill me. Don't +you see? Can't you guess? I am your father!" + +My father! Robert Gordon my father! + +I looked at the elderly man kneeling beside my bed, and my brain +whirled with the unreality of it all. The "man of mystery," the +"Quester" of Broadway, the elderly soldier of fortune, about whose +reputed wealth and constant searching of faces wherever he was the +idle gossip of the city's Bohemia had whirled--to think that this man +was the father I had never known, the father, alas! whom I had hoped +never to know. + +Everything was clear to me now--the reason for his staring at me when +he first caught sight of me in the Sydenham Hotel, his trailing of my +movements until he had found out my name and home, the introduction +he obtained to Dicky, and through him to me, his emotion at hearing +my mother's name, his embarrassing attentions to me ever since--the +explanation for all of which had puzzled me had come in the choking +words of the man whose head was bowed against my bed, and whose whole +frame was shaking with suppressed sobs. + +I felt myself trembling in the grip of a mighty surge of longing to +gather that bowed gray head into my arms and lavish the love he longed +for upon my father. My heart sang a little hymn of joy. I, who had +been kinless, with no one of my own blood, had found a father! + +And then, with my hand outstretched, almost touching my father's head, +the revulsion came. + +True, this man was my father, but he was also the man who had made my +mother's life one long tragedy. All my life I had schooled myself to +hate the man who had deserted my mother and me when I was four years +old, who had added to the desertion the insult of taking with him the +woman who had been my mother's most intimate friend. My love for my +mother had been the absorbing emotion of my life, until she had left +me, and because of that love I had loathed the very thought of the man +who had caused her to suffer so terribly. + +My father lifted his head and looked at me, and there was that in his +eyes which made me shudder. It was the look of a prisoner in the dock, +waiting to receive a sentence. + +"Of course, I know you must hate the very sight of me, Margaret," he +said brokenly. "I had not meant to tell you so soon. But I have to go +away almost at once to South America, and it is very uncertain when I +shall return. I could not bear to go without your knowing how I have +loved and longed for you. + +"Never so great a sinner as I, my child," the weary old voice went +on, "but, oh, if you could know my bitter repentance, my years of +loneliness." + +His voice tore at my heart strings, but I steeled myself against him. +One thing I must know. + +"Where is the person with whom--" I could not finish the words. + +"I do not know." The words rang true. I was sure he was not lying to +me. "I have not seen or heard of her in over twenty years." + +Then the association had not lasted. I had a sudden clairvoyant +glimpse into my father's soul. My mother had been the real love of +his life. His infatuation for the other woman had been but a temporary +madness. What long drawn out, agonized repentance must have been his +for twenty years with wife, child and home lost to him! + +I leaned back and closed my eyes for a minute, overwhelmed with the +problem which confronted me. And then--call it hallucination or what +you will--I heard my mother's voice, as clearly as I ever heard it in +life, repeating the words I had read weeks before in the letter she +had left for me at her death. + +"Remember it is my last wish, Margaret, that if your father be living +sometime you may be reconciled to him." + +I opened my eyes with a little cry of thanksgiving. It was as if my +mother had stretched out her hand from heaven to sanction the one +thing I most longed to do. + +"Father!" I gasped. "Oh, my father, I have wanted you so." + +He uttered a little cry of joy, and then my father's arms were around +me, my face was close to his, and for the first time since I was a +baby of four years I knew my father's kisses. + +A smothered sound, almost like a groan, startled me, and then the door +slammed shut. + +"What was that?" I asked. "Is there any one there?" + +My father raised his head. "No, there is no one there," he said. "See, +the wind is rising. It must have been that which slammed the door. I +think I would better shut the window." + +He moved over to the window, which Lillian had kept partly ajar for +air, and closed it. Then he returned to my bedside. + +"There is one thing I must ask you to do, my child," he said +hesitatingly, "and that is to keep secret the fact that instead of +being Robert Gordon, I am in reality Charles Robert Gordon Spencer, +and your father. Of course your husband must know and Mrs. Underwood, +as her husband is going with me to South America. But I should advise +very strongly against the knowledge coming into the possession of any +one else. + +"I cannot explain to you now, why I dropped part of my name, or why I +exact this promise," he went on, "but it is imperative that I do ask +it, and that you heed the request. You will respect my wishes in this +matter, will you not, my daughter?" + +It was all very stilted, almost melodramatic, but my father was so +much in earnest that I readily gave the promise he asked. With a look +of relief he took a package from his pocket and handed it to me. + +"Keep this carefully," he said. "It contains all the data which you +will need in case of my death. Rumor says that I am a very rich man. +As usual rumor is wrong, but I have enough so that you will always +be comfortable. And for fear that something might happen to you in +my absence I have placed to your account in the Knickerbocker money +enough for any emergency, also for any extra spending money you may +wish. The bank book is among these papers. I trust that you will use +it. I shall like to feel that you are using it. And now good-by. I +shall not see you again." + +He kissed me, lingeringly, tenderly, and went out of the room. I lay +looking at the package he had given me, wondering if it were all a +dream. + + + + +XLI + +WHY DID DICKY GO? + + +"Margaret, I have the queerest message from Richard. I cannot make it +out." + +My mother-in-law rustled into my room, her voice querulous, her face +expressing the utmost bewilderment. + +"What is it, mother?" I asked nervously. It was late afternoon of the +day in which Robert Gordon had revealed his identity as my father, and +my nerves were still tense from the shock of the discovery. + +"Why, Richard has left the city. He telephoned me just now that he +had an unexpected offer at an unusual sum to do some work in San +Francisco, I think, he said, and that he would be gone some months. If +he accepted the offer he would have no time to come home. He said he +would write to both of us tonight. What do you suppose it means?" + +"I--do--not--know," I returned slowly and truthfully, but there was a +terrible frightened feeling at my heart. Dicky gone for months without +coming to bid me good-by! My world seemed to whirl around me. But I +must do or say nothing to alarm my mother-in-law. Her weak heart made +it imperative that she be shielded from worry of any kind. + +I rallied every atom of self-control I possessed. "There is nothing +to worry about, mother," I said carelessly. "Dicky has often spoken +recently about this offer to go to San Francisco. It was always +tentative before, but he knew that when it did come he would have to +go at a minute's notice. You know he always keeps a bag packed at the +studio for just such emergencies." + +The last part of my little speech was true. Dicky did keep a bag +packed for the emergency summons he once in a while received from his +clients. But I had never heard of the trip to San Francisco. But I +must reassure my mother-in-law in some way. + +"Well, I think it's mighty queer," she grumbled, going out of the +room. + +"You adorable little fibber!" Lillian said tenderly, rising, and +coming over to me. Her voice was gay, but I who knew its every +intonation, caught an undertone of worry. + +"Lillian!" I exclaimed sharply. "What is it? Do you know anything?" + +"Hush, child," she said firmly. "I know nothing. You will hear all +about it tomorrow morning when you receive Dicky's letters. Until then +you must be quiet and brave." + +It was like her not to adjure me to keep from worrying. She never did +the usual futile things. But all through my wakeful night, whenever I +turned over or uttered the slightest sound, she was at my side in an +instant. + +Never until death stops my memory will I forget that next morning with +its letters from Dicky. + +There was one for my mother-in-law, none for me, but I saw an envelope +in Lillian's hand, which I was sure was from my husband, even before I +had seen the shocked pallor which spread over her face as she read it. + +"Oh, Lillian, what is it?" I whispered in terror. + +"Wait," she commanded. "Do not let your mother-in-law guess anything +is amiss." + +But when Mother Graham's demand to know what Dicky had written to me +had been appeased by Lillian's offhand remark that country mails were +never reliable, and that my letter would probably arrive later, the +elder woman went to her own room to puzzle anew over her son's letter, +which simply said over again what he had told her over the telephone. + +When she had gone Lillian locked the door softly behind her, then +coming over to me, sank down by my bedside and slipped her arm around +me. + +"You must be brave, Madge," she said quietly. "Read this through and +tell me if you have any idea what it means." + +I took the letter she held out to me, and read it through. + +"Dear Lil," the letter began. "You have never failed me yet, so I know +you'll look after things for me now. + +"I am going away. I shall never see Madge again, nor do I ever expect +to hear from her. Will you look out for her until she is free from me? +She can sue me for desertion, you know, and get her divorce. I will +put in no defence. + +"Most of her funds are banked in her name, anyway. But for fear she +will not want to use that money I am going to send a check to you each +month for her which you are to use as you see fit, with or without her +knowledge. I am enclosing the key of the studio. The rent is paid a +long ways ahead, and I will send you the money for future payments +and its care. Please have it kept ready for me to walk in at any time. +Mother always goes to Elizabeth's for the holidays, anyway. Keep her +from guessing as long as you can. I'll write to her after she gets to +Elizabeth's. + +"I guess that's all. If Madge doesn't understand why I am doing this I +can't help it. But it's the only thing to do. Yours always. DICKY." + +The room seemed to whirl around me as I read. Dicky gone forever, +arranging for me to get a divorce! I clung blindly to Lillian as I +moaned: "Oh, what does it mean?" + +"Think, Madge, Madge, have you and Dicky had any quarrel lately?" + +"Nothing that could be called a quarrel, no," I returned, "and, not +even the shadow of a disagreement since my accident." + +"Then," Lillian said musingly, "either Dicky has gone suddenly mad--" + +She stopped and looked at me searchingly. "Or what, Lillian," I +pleaded. "Tell me. I am strong enough to stand the truth, but not +suspense." + +"I believe you are," she said, "and you will have to help me find out +the truth. Now remember this may have no bearing on the thing at all, +but Harry saw Grace Draper talking to Dicky the other day. He said +Dicky didn't act particularly well pleased at the meeting, but that +the girl was, as Harry put it, 'fit to put your eyes out,' she looked +so stunning. But it doesn't seem possible that if Dicky had gone away +with her he would write that sort of a note to me and leave no word +for you." + +"Fit to put your eyes out!" The phrase stung me. With a quick +movement, I grasped the hand mirror that lay on the stand by my bed, +and looked critically at the image reflected there. Wan, hollow-eyed, +with one side of my face and neck still flaming from my burns, I had a +quick perception of the way in which my husband, beauty-lover that he +is, must have contrasted my appearance with that of Grace Draper. + +Lillian took the mirror forcibly from me, and laid it out of my reach. + +"This sort of thing won't do," she said firmly. "It only makes matters +worse. Now just be as brave as you possibly can. Remember, I am right +here every minute." + +I could only cling to her. There seemed in all the world no refuge for +me but Lillian's arms. + +The weeks immediately following Dicky's departure are almost a blank +memory to me. I seemed stunned, incapable of action, even of thinking +clearly. + +If it had not been for Lillian, I do not know what I should have done. +She cared for me with infinite tenderness and understanding, she +stood between me and the imperative curiosity and bewilderment of +my mother-in-law, and she made all the arrangements necessary for my +taking up my life as a thing apart from my husband. + +It seemed almost like an interposition of Providence that two days +after Dicky's bombshell, his mother received a letter from her +daughter Elizabeth asking her to go to Florida for the rest of the +winter. One of the children had been ordered south by the family +physician, and Dicky's sister was to accompany her little daughter, +while the other children remained at home under the care of their +father and his mother. Mother Graham dearly loves to travel, and +I knew from Lillian's reports and the few glimpses I had of my +mother-in-law that she was delighted with the prospect before her. + +How Lillian managed to quiet the elder woman's natural worry about +Dicky, her half-formed suspicion that something was wrong, and her +conviction that without her to look after me I should not be able to +get through the winter, I never knew. + +I do not remember seeing my mother-in-law but once or twice in the +interval between the receipt of Dicky's letter and her departure. The +memory of her good-by to me, however, is very distinct. + +She came into the room, cloaked and hatted, ready for the taxi which +was to take her to the station. Katie was to go into New York with +her, and see her safely on the train. Her face was pale, and I noticed +listlessly that her eyelids were reddened as if she had been weeping. +She bent and kissed me tenderly, and then she put her arms around me, +and held me tightly. + +"I don't know what it is all about, dear child," she said. "I hope all +is as it seems outwardly. But remember, Margaret, I am your friend, +whatever happens, and if it will help you any, you may remember that +I, too, have had to walk this same sharp paved way." + +Then she went away. I remembered that she had said something of the +kind once before, giving me to understand that Dicky's father had +caused her much unhappiness. Did she believe too, I wondered, that +Dicky was with Grace Draper, that his brief infatuation for the girl +had returned when he had seen her again? + +For days after that, I drifted--there is no other word for it--through +the hours of each day. When it was absolutely necessary for Lillian to +know some detail, which I alone could give her, she would come to +me, rouse me, and holding me to the subject by the sheer force of her +will, obtain the information she wished, and then leave me to myself, +or rather to Katie again. Katie was my devoted slave. She waited on +me hand and foot, and made a most admirable nurse when Lillian was +compelled to be absent. + +When I thought about the matter at all, I realized that Lillian was +preparing to have me share her apartment in the city when I should +be strong enough to leave my home. Harry Underwood had gone with my +father to South America for a trip which would take many months, so +I made no protest. I knew also, because of questions she had made me +answer, that she had arranged with the Lotus Study Club to have an old +teaching comrade of mine, a man who had experience in club lectures, +take my place until I should be well enough to go back to the work. + +In so far as I could feel anything, the knowledge that I was still +to have my club work gratified me. The twenty dollars a week which it +paid me, while not large, would preserve my independence until I could +gain courage to go back to my teaching. + +For one feeling obsessed me, was strong enough to penetrate the +lethargy of mind and body into which Dicky's letter had thrown me. I +spoke of it to Lillian one day. + +"Do--not--use--any--of--Dicky's--money," I said slowly and painfully. +"My--own--bank--book--in--desk." + +She took it out, and I also gave her the bank book and papers my +father had given me the day before he left for South America. + +"Keep--them--for--me," I whispered, and then at her tender +comprehending smile, I had a sudden revelation. + +"Then--you--know--" Astonishment made my voice stronger. + +"That Robert Gordon is your father?" she returned briskly. "Bless you, +child, I've suspected it ever since I first heard of his emotion on +hearing the names of your parents. But nobody else knows, I didn't +think it necessary to tell your mother-in-law or Katie, unless, of +course, you want me to do so." + +Her smile was so cheery, so infectious, that I could not help but +smile back at her. There was still something on my mind, however. + +"This house must be closed," I told her. "Try to find positions for +Katie and Jim." + +"I'll attend to everything," she promised, and I did not realize that +her words meant directly opposite to the interpretation I put upon +them, until after myself and all my personal belongings had been moved +to Lillian's apartment in the city, and I had thrown off the terrible +physical weakness and mental lethargy which had been mine. + +"I had to do as I thought best about the house in Marvin, Madge," she +said firmly. "I thoroughly respect your feeling about using any of +Dicky's money for your own expenses, but you are not living in +the Marvin house. It is simply Dicky's home, which as his friend, +commissioned to see after his affairs, I am going to keep in readiness +for his return, unless I receive other instructions from him. Jim +and Katie will stay there as caretakers until this horrible mistake, +whatever it may be, is cleared up. Thus your home will be always +waiting for you." + +"Never my home again, I fear, Lillian," I said sadly. + +There is no magic of healing like that held in the hands of a little +child. It was providential for me that, a short time after Lillian +took me to the apartment which had been home to her for years, her +small daughter, Marion, was restored to her. + +The child's father died suddenly, after all, and to Lillian fell the +task of caring for and comforting the old mother of the man who had +done his best to spoil Lillian's life. She brought the aged and +feeble sufferer to the apartment, established her in the bedroom which +Lillian had always kept for herself, and engaged a nurse to care +for her. When I recalled Lillian's story, remembered that her first +husband's mother without a jot of evidence to go upon had believed her +son's vile accusations against Lillian, my friend's forgiveness seemed +almost divine to me. I am afraid I never could have equaled it. When I +said as much to Lillian, she looked at me uncomprehendingly. + +"Why, Madge!" she said. "There was nothing else to do. Marion's +grandmother is devoted to her. To separate them now would kill the +old woman. Besides her income is so limited that she cannot have the +proper care unless I do take her in." + +"I thought you said Mr. Morten had a legacy about the time of his +second marriage." + +"He did, but most of it has been dissipated, I imagine, and what there +is left is in the possession of his wife, a woman with no more red +blood than a codfish. She would let his mother starve before she +would exert herself to help her, or part with any money. No, there +is nothing else to do, Madge. I'll just have to work a little harder, +that's all, and that's good for me, best reducing system there is, you +know." + +The sheer, indomitable courage of her, taking up burdens in her middle +age which should never be hers, and assuming them with a smile and +jest upon her lips! I felt suddenly ashamed of the weakness with which +I had met my own problems. + +"Lillian!" I said abruptly, "you make me ashamed of myself. I'm going +to stop grieving--as much as I can--" I qualified, "and get to work. +Tell me, how can I best help you? I'm going back to my club work next +week--I am sure I shall be strong enough by then, but I shall have +such loads of time outside." + +My friend came over to me impetuously, and kissed me warmly. + +"You blessed child!" she said. "I am so glad if anything has roused +you. And I'm going to accept your words in the spirit in which I am +sure they were uttered. If you can share Marion with me for awhile, it +will help me more than anything else. I have so many orders piled +up, I don't know where to begin first. Her grandmother is too ill to +attend to her, and I don't want to leave her with any hired attendant, +she has had too many of those already." + +"Don't say another word," I interrupted. "There's nothing on earth I'd +rather do just now than take care of Marion." + +Thus began a long succession of peaceful days, spent with Lillian's +small daughter. She was a bewitching little creature of nine years, +but so tiny that she appeared more like a child of six. I had taught +many children, but never had been associated with a child at home. +I grew sincerely attached to the little creature, and she, in turn, +appeared very fond of me. Lillian told her to call me "Aunt Madge," +and the sound of the title was grateful to me. + +"Auntie Madge, Auntie Madge," the sweet childish voice rang the +changes on the name so often that I grew to associate my name with the +love I felt for the child. This made it all the harder for me to bear +when the child's hand all unwittingly brought me the hardest blow Fate +had yet dealt me. + +It was her chief delight to answer the postman's ring, and bring me +the mail each day. On this particular afternoon I had been especially +busy, and thus less miserable than usual. I heard the postman's ring, +and then the voice of Marion. + +"Auntie Madge, it's a letter for you this time." + +I began to tremble, for some unaccountable reason. It was as though +the shadow of the letter the child was bringing had already begun to +fall on me. As she ran to me, and held out the letter, I saw that it +was postmarked San Francisco! But the handwriting was not Dicky's. + +I opened it, and from it fell a single sheet of notepaper inscribed: + +"She laughs best who laughs last. Grace Draper." + +I looked at the thing until it seemed to me that the characters were +alive and writhed upon the paper. I shudderingly put the paper away +from me, and leaned back in my chair and shut my eyes. Then Marion's +little arms were around my neck, her warm, moist kisses upon my cheek, +her frightened voice in my ears. + +"Oh! Auntie Madge," she said. "What was in the naughty letter that +hurt you so? Nasty old thing! I'm going to tear it up." + +"No, no, Marion," I answered. "I must let your mother see it first. +Call her, dear, won't you, please?" + +When Lillian came, I mutely showed her the note. She studied it +carefully, frowning as she did so. + +"Pleasant creature!" she commented at last. "But I shouldn't put too +much dependence on this, Madge. She may be with him, of course. But +you ought to know that truth is a mere detail with Grace Draper. She +would just as soon have sent this to you if she had not seen him for +weeks, and knew no more of his address than you." + +"But this is postmarked San Francisco," I said faintly. + +Lillian laughed shortly. "My dear little innocent!" she said, "it +would be the easiest thing in the world for her to send this envelope +enclosed in one to some friend in San Francisco, who would re-direct +it for her." + +"I never thought of that," I said, flushing. "But, oh! Lillian, if he +did not go away with her, what possible explanation is there of his +leaving like this?" + +"Yes, I know, dear," she returned. "It's a mystery, and one in the +solving of which I seem perfectly helpless. I do wish someone would +drop from the sky to help us." + + + + +XLII + +DAYS THAT CREEP SLOWLY BY + + +It was not from the sky, however, but from across the ocean that +the help Lillian had longed for in solving the mystery of Dicky's +abandonment of me, finally came. It was less than a week after the +receipt of Grace Draper's message, that Lillian and I, sitting in +her wonderful white and scarlet living room, one evening after little +Marion had gone to bed, heard Betty ushering in callers. + +"Betty must know them or she wouldn't bring them in unannounced," +Lillian murmured, as she rose to her feet, and then the next moment +there was framed in the doorway the tall figure of Dr. Pettit. And +with him, wonder of wonders! the slight form, the beautiful, wistful, +tired face of Katharine Sonnot, whose ambition to go to France as a +nurse I had been able to further. + +"My dear, what has happened to you?" Katherine exclaimed solicitously. +"I received no answer to my letter saying I was coming home, so when I +reached New York, I went to Dr. Pettit. He thought you were at Marvin, +but when he telephoned out there, Katie said you had had a terrible +accident, and that you had left Marvin. I was not quite sure, for +she was half crying over the telephone, but I thought she said 'for +keeps.'" + +She stopped and looked at me with a hint of fright in her manner. I +knew she wanted to ask about Dicky's absence, and did not dare to do +so. + +"Everything you heard is true, Katherine," I returned, a trifle +unsteadily, as her arms went around me warmly. I was more than a +trifle upset by her coming, for associated with her were memories of +my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who had gone to the great war when +he had learned that I was married, and of whose death "somewhere in +France," I had heard through Mrs. Stewart. + +"Where is your husband?" Dr. Pettit demanded, and there was that in +his voice which told me that he was putting an iron hand upon his own +emotions. + +Now the stock answer which Lillian and I returned to all inquiries of +this sort was "In San Francisco upon a big commission." It was upon +my lips, but some influence stronger than my will made me change it to +the truth. + +"I do not know," I said faintly. "He left the city very abruptly +several weeks ago, sending word in a letter to Mrs. Underwood that he +would never see me again. It is a terrible mystery." + +Dr. Pettit muttered something that I knew was a bitter anathema +against Dicky, and then folded his arms tightly across his chest, as +if he would keep in any further comment. But I had no time to pay +any attention to him, for Katherine Sonnot was uttering words that +bewildered and terrified me. + +"Oh! how terrible!" she said. "Jack will be so grieved. He had so +hoped to find you happy together when he came home." + +Was the girl's brain turned, I wondered, because of grief for my +brother-cousin's death? I had known before I secured the chance for +her to go to France that she was romantically interested in the man +who had been her brother's comrade, although she had never seen +him. And from Jack's letters to Mrs. Stewart, I had learned of their +meeting in the French hospital, and of the acquaintance which promised +to ripen--which evidently had ripened--into love. + +I looked at her searchingly, and then I spoke, hardly able to get the +words out for the wild trembling of my whole body. + +"Jack grieved?" I said. "Why! Jack is dead! We had the notice of his +death weeks ago from his friend, Paul Caillard." + +I saw them all look at me as if frightened. Dr. Pettit reached me +first and put something under my nostrils which vitalized my wandering +senses. I straightened myself and cried out peremptorily. + +"What is it, oh! what is it?" + +I saw Katherine look at Dr. Pettit, as if for permission, and the +young physician's lips form the words, "Tell her." + +"No, dear. Jack isn't dead," she said softly. "He was missing for some +time, and was brought into our hospital terribly wounded, but he is +very much alive now, and will be here in New York in two weeks." + +I felt the pungent revivifier in Dr. Pettit's hand steal under my +nostrils again, but I pushed it aside and sat up. + +"I am not at all faint," I said abruptly, and then to Katherine +Sonnot. "Please say that over again, slowly." + +She repeated her words slowly. "I should have waited to come over with +him," she added, "for he is still quite weak, but Dr. Braithwaite +had to send some one over to attend to business for the hospital. He +selected me, and so I had to come on earlier." + +So it was true, then, this miracle of miracles, this return of the +dead to life! Jack, the brother-cousin on whom I had depended all my +life, was still in the same world with me! Some of the terrible burden +I had been bearing since Dicky's disappearance slipped away from me. +If anyone in the world could solve the mystery of Dicky's actions, it +would be Jack Bickett. + +Dr. Pettit's voice broke into my reverie. I saw that Lillian and +Katherine Sonnot were deep in conversation. The young physician and I +were far enough away from them so that there was no possibility of +his low tones being heard. He bent over my chair, and his eyes were +burning with a light that terrified me. + +"Tell me," he commanded, "do you want your husband back again. Take +your time in answering. I must know." + +There was something in his voice that compelled obedience. I leaned +back in my chair and shut my eyes, while I looked at the question he +had put me fairly and squarely. + +The question seemed to echo in my ears. I was surprised at myself that +I did not at once reply with a passionate affirmative. Surely I had +suffered enough to welcome Dicky's return at any time. + +Ah! there was the root of the whole thing. I had suffered, how I had +suffered at Dicky's hands! As my memory ran back through our stormy +married life, I wondered whether it were wise--even though it should +be proved to me that Dicky had not gone away with Grace Draper--to +take up life with my husband again. + +And then, woman-like, all the bitter recollections were shut out by +other memories which came thronging into my brain, memories of Dicky's +royal tenderness when he was not in a bad humor, of his voice, his +smile, his lips, his arms around me, I knew, although my reason +dreaded the knowledge, that unless my husband came back to me, I +should never know happiness again. + +I opened my eyes and looked steadily at the young physician. + +"Yes, God help me. I do!" I said. + +Dr. Pettit winced as if I had struck him. Then he said gravely: + +"Thank you for your honesty, and believe that if there be any way in +which I can serve you, I shall not hesitate to take it." + +"I am sure of that," I replied earnestly, and the next moment, without +a farewell glance, a touch of my hand, he went over to Katherine, and, +in a voice very different in volume than the suppressed tones of his +conversation to me, I heard him apologize to her for having to go away +at once, heard her laughing reply that after the French hospitals she +did not fear the New York streets, and then the door had closed after +the young physician, whose too-evident interest in me had always +disturbed me. + +I hastened to join Lillian and Katherine. I did not want to be left +alone. Thinking was too painful. + +"Just think!" Katherine said as I joined them, "I find that I'm living +only a block away. I'm at my old rooming place--luckily they had +a vacant room. Of course, I shall be fearfully busy with Dr. +Braithwaite's work, but being so near, I can spend every spare minute +with you--that is, if you want me," she added shyly. + +"Want you, child!" I returned, and I think the emphasis in my voice +reassured her, for she flushed with pleasure, and the next minute with +embarrassment as I said pointedly: + +"I imagine you have some unusually interesting and pleasant things to +tell me, especially about my cousin." + +But, after all, it was left for Jack himself to tell me the +"interesting things." Katherine became almost at once so absorbed in +the work for Dr. Braithwaite that she had very little time to spend +with us. There was another reason for her absence, of which she spoke +half apologetically one night, about a week after her arrival. + +"There's a girl in the room next mine who keeps me awake by her +moaning," she said. "I don't get half enough sleep, and the result is +that when I get in from my work I'm so dead tired I tumble into bed, +instead of coming over here as I'm longing to do. The housekeeper says +she's a student of some kind, and that she's really ill enough to need +a physician, although she goes to her school or work each morning. +I've only caught glimpses of her, but she strikes me as being rather +a stunning-looking creature. I wish she'd moan in the daytime, though. +Some night I'm going in there and give her a sleeping powder. Joking +aside, I'm rather anxious about her. Whatever is the matter with her, +physical or mental, it's a real trouble, and I wish I could help her." + +The real Katherine Sonnot spoke in the last sentence. Like many +nurses, she had a superficial lightness of manner, behind which she +often concealed the wonderful sympathy with and understanding for +suffering which was hers. I knew that if the poor unknown sufferer +needed aid or friendship, she would receive both from Katherine. + +It was shortly after this talk that I noticed the extraordinary +intimacy which seemed to have sprung up between Katherine and Lillian. +I seemed to be quite set aside, almost forgotten, when Katherine came +to the apartment. And there was such an air of mystery about their +conversation! If they were talking together, and I came within +hearing, they either abruptly stopped speaking, or shifted the +subject. + +I was just childish and weak enough from my illness to be a trifle +chagrined at being so left out, and I am afraid my chagrin amounted +almost to sulkiness sometimes. Lillian and Katherine, however, +appeared to notice nothing, and their mysterious conferences increased +in number as the days went on. + +There came a day at last when my morbidness had increased to such an +extent that I felt there was nothing more in the world for me, and +that there was no one to care what became of me. I was huddled in +one of Lillian's big chairs before the fireplace in the living room, +drearily watching the flames, through eyes almost too dim with tears +to see them. I could hear the murmur of voices in the hall, where +Katherine and Lillian had been standing ever since Katherine's +arrival, a few minutes before. Then the voices grew louder, there was +a rush of feet to the door, a "Hush!" from Lillian, and then, pale, +emaciated, showing the effects of the terrible ordeal through which he +had gone, my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, who, until Katherine came +home, I had thought was dead, stood before me. + +"Oh! Jack, Jack. Thank God! Thank God!" + +As I saw my brother-cousin, Jack Bickett, whom I had so long mourned +as dead, coming toward me in Lillian Underwood's living room, I +stumbled to my feet, and, with no thought of spectators, or of +anything save the fact that the best friend I had ever known had come +back to me, I rushed into his arms, and clung to him wildly, sobbing +out all the heartache and terror that had been mine since Dicky had +left me in so cruel and mysterious a manner. + +I felt as a little child might that had been lost and suddenly caught +sight of its father or mother. The awful burden that had been mine +lifted at the very sight of Jack's pale face smiling down at me. I +knew that someway, somehow, Jack would straighten everything out for +me. + +"There, there, Margaret." Jack's well-remembered tones, huskier, +weaker by far than when I had last heard them, soothed me, calmed me. +"Everything's going to come out all right. I'll see to it all. Sit +down, and let me hear all about it." + +There was an indefinable air of embarrassment about him which I could +not understand at first. Then I saw beyond him the lovely flushed +face of Katharine Sonnot, and in her eyes there was a faintly troubled +look. + +I read it all in a flash. Jack was embarrassed because I had so +impetuously embraced him before Katherine. I withdrew myself from his +embrace abruptly, and drew a chair for him near my own. + +"Are you sure you are fully recovered?" I asked, and I saw Jack look +wonderingly at the touch of formality in my tone. + +"No, I cannot say that," he returned gravely, "but I am so much better +off than so many of the other poor chaps who survived, that I have no +right to complain. Mine was a body wound, and while I shall feel its +effects on my general health for years, perhaps all my life, yet I am +not crippled." + +His tone was full of thankfulness, and all my pettiness vanished at +the sudden, swift vision of what he must have endured. The next moment +he had turned my thoughts into a new channel. + +"Margaret," he said gravely, "I am terribly distressed to hear from +Katherine that your husband has gone away in such a strange manner." + +So she had already told him! The little pang of unworthy jealousy came +back, but I banished it. + +"Now, there must be no more time lost," he went on. "You have had no +man to look after things for you, but remember now, your old brother, +Jack, is on the job. First, I must know everything that occurred on +that last day. Did you notice anything extraordinary in his demeanor +on that last morning you saw him?" + +This was the old Jack, going directly to the root of the matter, +wasting no time on his own affairs or feelings, when he saw a duty +before him. I felt the old sway of his personality upon me, and +answered his questions as meekly as a child might have done. + +"He was just the same as he had been every morning since my accident," +I returned. + +"H-m." Jack thought a long minute, then began again. + +"Tell me everything that happened that day, every visitor you had; +don't omit the most trifling thing," he commanded. + +He listened attentively as I recalled Harry Underwood's visit, and +Robert Gordon's. At my revelation that Robert Gordon had said he was +my father, his calm, judicial manner broke into excitement. + +"Your father!" he exclaimed, and then, after a pause; "I always knew +he would come back some day. But go on. What happened when he told you +he was your father?" + +I went on with the story of my struggle with my own rancor against my +father, of my conviction that I had heard my mother's voice urging my +reconciliation with him, of my father's first embrace and kisses, even +of the queer smothered sound like a groan and the slamming of a door +which I had heard. Then I told him of my father's gift of money to me, +which I had not yet touched, but I noticed that toward the last of my +narrative Jack seemed preoccupied. + +"Did your husband come home to Marvin at all that day?" he asked. + +"No, he never came back from the city after he had once gone in, until +evening." + +"But are you sure that this day he did not return to Marvin?" he +persisted. "How do you know?" + +"Because no one saw him," I returned, "and he could hardly have come +back without someone in the house seeing him." + +He said no more, as Lillian and Katherine came up just then, and the +conversation became general. + +To my great surprise, I did not see him again after that first visit. +Katherine explained to me that he had been called out of town on +urgent business, but the explanation seemed to me to savor of the +mysterious excitement that seemed to possess everybody around me. + +Finally one morning, Lillian came to me, her face shining. + +"I want you to prepare to be very brave, Madge," she said. "There is +some one coming whom I fear it will tax all your strength to meet." + +"Dicky!" I faltered, beginning to tremble. + +"No, child, not yet," she said, her voice filled with pity, "but +someone who has done you a great wrong, Grace Draper." + + + + +XLIII + +"TAKE ME HOME" + + +"Grace Draper coming to see me!" + +My echo of Lillian's words was but a trembling stammer. The prospect +of facing the girl the thread of whose sinister personality had so +marred the fabric of my marital happiness terrified me. Her message +to me, posted in San Francisco, where Dicky was, flaunted its insolent +triumph again before my eyes: + +"She laughs best who laughs last." + +That she had intended me to believe she was with Dicky, I knew, +whether her boast were true or not. But how was it that she was coming +to see me? Lillian put a reassuring hand upon my shoulder as she saw +my face. + +"Pull yourself together, Madge," she admonished me sharply. "Let me +make this clear to you. Grace Draper is not in San Francisco now. +Whether she has been, or what she knows about Dicky she has refused so +far to say. She has finally consented to see you, however." + +"But, how?" I murmured, bewildered. + +"Do you remember the girl of whom Katherine spoke when she first came, +the girl who moaned at night in the room next hers?" + +"Oh, yes! And she was--?" + +"Grace Draper. I do not know what made me think of the Draper when +Katherine spoke of the girl, but I did, although I said nothing about +it at the time. A little later, however, when the girl became really +ill and Katherine was caring for her as a mother or a sister would +have done, I told our little friend of my suspicion. Of course, +Katherine watched her mysterious patient very carefully after that, +and when she became ill enough to require a physician's services, +Katharine managed it so that Dr. Pettit was called, and he recognized +the girl at once. + +"Ever since then, Katherine has been working on the substitute for +honor and conscience which the Draper carries around with her--but +she was hard as nails for a long time. She is terribly grateful to +Katherine, however, as fond of her as she can be of anyone, and she +has finally consented to come here. Don't anger her if you can help +it." + +When, a little later, Grace Draper and I faced each other, it was pity +instead of anger that stirred my heart. The girl was inexpressibly +wan, her beauty only a worn shadow of its former glory. But there was +the old flash of defiant hatred in her eyes as she looked at me. + +"Please don't flatter yourself that I have come here for your sake," +she said, with her old smooth insolence. "But this girl here"--she +indicated Katherine--"took care of me before she knew who I was. She +just about saved my life and reason, too, when there was nobody else +to care a whit whether I lived or died. Even my sister's gone back on +me. So when I saw how much it meant to her to find out the truth about +your precious husband, I promised her I'd come and tell you the little +I knew." + +She drew a long breath, and went on. + +"In the first place, I didn't go to San Francisco with Dicky Graham, +although I'm glad if my little trick made you think so for awhile. I +didn't go anywhere with him except into a cafe for a few minutes, the +day he left New York. It was just after he got back from Marvin, and +he was pouring drinks into himself so fast that he was pretty hazy +about what had happened, but I made a pretty shrewd guess as to his +trouble." + +She turned to me, and I saw with amazement that contempt for me was +written on her face. + +"You!" she snarled, "with your innocent face, and your high and mighty +airs, you must have been up to something pretty disgraceful, to +have your husband feel the way he did that day he started for San +Francisco! He had to go out to Marvin unexpectedly that morning, +almost as soon as he had arrived in the city. What or who he found +there, you know best." + +"Stop!" said Lillian authoritatively, and for a long minute the two +women faced each other, Grace Draper defiant, Lillian, with all the +compelling, almost hypnotic power that is hers when she chooses to +exercise it. + +The accusation which the girl had hurled at me stunned me as +effectually as an actual missile from her hand would have done. What +did she mean? And then, before my dazed brain could work itself back +through the mazes of memory, there came the whir of a taxi in the +street, an imperative ring of the bell, a tramp of masculine footsteps +in the hall, and then--my husband's arms were around me, his lips +murmuring disjointed, incoherent sentences against my cheek. + +"Madge! Madge! little sweetheart!--no right to ask +forgiveness--deserve to lose you forever for my doubt of you--been +through a thousand hells since I left--" + +Over Dicky's shoulder I saw Jack's dear face smiling tenderly, +triumphantly, at me, realized that he must have started after Dicky +as soon as he had heard my story of my husband's inexplicable +departure--and the light for which I had been groping suddenly +illuminated Grace Draper's words. + +"So you saw my father embrace me that day!" I exclaimed, and at the +words the face of the girl who had caused me so much suffering grew +whiter, if possible, and she sank into a chair, as if unable to stand. + +"Yes." A wave of shamed color swept my husband's face, his words were +low and hurried. "But you must believe this one thing,--I had made +up my mind to come back and beg your forgiveness, indeed, I was just +ready to start for New York, when your cousin found me and brought me +the true explanation of things. + +"I--I--couldn't stand it any longer without you, Madge. I must have +been mad to go away like that. You won't shut me out altogether, will +you, sweetheart?" + +I had thought that if Dicky ever came back me I should make him suffer +a little of what he had compelled me to endure. But, as I looked +from the white, drawn face of the girl, who I was sure still counted +Dicky's love as a stake for which no wager was too high, to the +anxious faces of the dear friends who had helped to bring him back to +me, I could do nothing but yield myself rapturously to the clasp of my +husband's arms. + +"I couldn't have stood it much longer without you, Dicky," I +whispered, and then, forgetting everything else in the world but +our happiness, my husband's lips met mine in a long kiss of +reconciliation. + +A half choked little cry startled me, and I saw Grace Draper get +to her feet unsteadily and start for the door, with her hands +outstretched gropingly before her, almost as if she were blind. +Katherine Sonnot hurried to her, and then Jack spoke to me for the +first time since he had brought Dicky into the room. + +"Good-by, Margaret, until I see you again," he said hurriedly. +"Good-by, Dicky, I must go to Katherine." + +"Good-by, old chap," Dicky returned heartily, and in his tone I read +the blessed knowledge that my cherished dream had come true, that my +husband and my brother-cousin were friends at last. And from the look +upon Jack's face as his eyes met Katharine's, I knew that he, too, had +found happiness. + +I saw the trio go out of the room, the girl who had wronged me, and +the friends who had helped me. Then my eyes turned to the truest, most +loyal friend of all, Lillian, who stood near us, frankly weeping with +joy. I put out my hand to her, and drew her also into Dicky's embrace. +How long a cry it had been since the days when I was wildly jealous of +her old friendship with Dicky! + +"Will you come away with me for a new honeymoon, sweetheart?" Dicky +asked, tenderly, after awhile, when Lillian had softly slipped away +and left us alone together. + +Into my brain there flashed a sudden picture of the homely living room +in the Brennan house at Marvin, with the leaping fire, which I +knew Jim would have for us whenever we came, with Katie's impetuous +welcome. I turned to Dicky with a passionate little plea. + +"Oh! Dicky," I said earnestly, "take me home." + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Revelations of a Wife, by Adele Garrison + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REVELATIONS OF A WIFE *** + +***** This file should be named 12084.txt or 12084.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/2/0/8/12084/ + +Produced by Leah Moser and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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