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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:38:46 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:38:46 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/12052-0.txt b/12052-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d173e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/12052-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10691 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12052 *** + +HALF A CENTURY. + +BY + +JANE GREY SWISSHELM. + + + * * * * * + + + "God so willed: + Mankind is ignorant! a man am I: + Call ignorance my sorrow, not my sin!" + + "O, still as ever friends are they + Who, in the interest of outraged truth + Deprecate such rough handling of a lie!" + + ROBERT BROWNING. + + +1880. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +It has been assumed, and is generally believed, that the Anti-slavery +struggle, which, culminated in the Emancipation Proclamation of 1862, +originated in Infidelity, and was a triumph of Skepticism over +Christianity. In no way can this error be so well corrected as by the +personal history of those who took part in that struggle; and as most of +them have passed from earth without leaving any record of the education +and motives which underlay their action, the duty they neglected becomes +doubly incumbent on the few who remain. + +To supply one quota of the inside history of the great Abolition war, is +the primary object of this work; but scarcely secondary to this object +is that of recording incidents characteristic of the Peculiar +Institution overthrown in that struggle. + +Another object, and one which struggles for precedence, is to give an +inside history of the hospitals during the war of the Rebellion, that +the American people may not forget the cost of that Government so often +imperiled through their indifference. + +A third object, is to give an analysis of the ground which produced the +Woman's Rights agitation, and the causes which limited its influence. + +A fourth is, to illustrate the force of education and the mutability of +human character, by a personal narrative of one who, in 1836, would have +broken an engagement rather than permit her name to appear in print, +even in the announcement of marriage; and who, in 1850, had as much +newspaper notoriety as any man of that time, and was singularly +indifferent to the praise or blame of the Press;--of one who, in 1837, +could not break the seal of silence set upon her lips by "Inspiration," +even so far as to pray with a man dying of intemperance, and who yet, in +1862, addressed the Minnesota Senate in session, and as many others as +could be packed in the hall, with no more embarrassment than though +talking with a friend in a chimney corner. + +J.G.S. + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I. I FIND LIFE + +II. PROGRESS IN CALVINISM, HUNT GHOSTS, SEE LA FAYETTE + +III. FATHER'S DEATH + +IV. GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL + +V. LOSE MY BROTHER + +VI. JOIN CHURCH, AND MAKE NEW ENDEAVORS TO KEEP SABBATH + +VII. DELIVERER OF THE DARK NIGHT + +VIII. FITTING MYSELF INTO MY SPHERE + +IX. HABITATIONS OF HORRID CRUELTY + +X. KENTUCKY CONTEMPT FOR LABOR + +XI. REBELLION + +XII. THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH + +XIII. "LABOR--SERVICE OR ACT" + +XIV. SWISSVALE + +XV. WILLOWS BY THE WATER-COURSES + +XVI. THE WATERS GROW DEEP + +XVII. MY NAME APPEARS IN PRINT + +XVIII. MEXICAN WAR LETTERS + +XIX. TRAINING SCHOOL + +XX. RIGHTS OF MARRIED WOMEN + +XXI. PITTSBURG SATURDAY VISITER + +XXII. RECEPTION OF THE VISITER + +XXIII. MY CROOKED TELESCOPE + +XXIV. MINT, CUMMIN AND ANNIS + +XXV. FREE SOIL PARTY + +XXVI. VISIT WASHINGTON + +XXVII. DANIEL WEBSTER + +XXVIII. FUGITIVE SLAVE LAW--THE TWO RIDDLES + +XXIX. BLOOMERS AND WOMAN'S RIGHTS CONVENTIONS + +XXX. MANY MATTERS + +XXXI. THE MOTHER CHURCH + +XXXII. POLITICS AND PRINTERS + +XXXIII. SUMNER, BURLINGAME AND CASSIUS M. CLAY + +XXXIV. FINANCE AND DESERTION + +XXXV. MY HERMITAGE + +XXXVI. THE MINNESOTA DICTATOR + +XXXVII. ANOTHER VISITER + +XXXVIII. BORDER RUFFIANISM + +XXXIX. SPEAK IN PUBLIC + +XL. A FAMOUS VICTORY + +XLI. STATE AND NATIONAL POLITICS + +XLII. RELIGIOUS CONTROVERSIES + +XLIII. FRONTIER LIFE + +XLIV. PRINTERS + +XLV. THE REBELLION + +XLVI. PLATFORMS + +XLVII. OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOME AGAIN + +XLVIII. THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE WEST + +XLIX. THE INDIAN MASSACRE OF '62 + +L. A MISSIVE AND A MISSION + +LI. NO USE FOR ME AMONG THE WOUNDED + +LII. FIND WORK + +LIII. HOSPITAL GANGRENE + +LIV. GET PERMISSION TO WORK + +LV. FIND A NAME + +LVI. DROP MY ALIAS + +LVII. HOSPITAL DRESS + +LVIII. SPECIAL WORK + +LIX. HEROIC AND ANTI-HEROIC TREATMENT + +LX. COST OF ORDER + +LXI. LEARN TO CONTROL PYAEMIA + +LXII. FIRST CASE OF GROWING A NEW BONE + +LXIII. A HEROIC MOTHER + +LXIV. TWO KINDS OF APPRECIATION + +LXV. LIFE AND DEATH + +LXVI. MEET MISS DIX AND GO TO FREDERICKSBURG + +LXVII. THE OLD THEATER + +LXVIII. AM PLACED IN AUTHORITY + +LXIX. VISITORS + +LXX. WOUNDED OFFICERS + +LXXI. "NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP" + +LXXII. MORE VICTIMS AND A CHANGE OF BASE + +LXXIII. PRAYERS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE + +LXXIV. GET OUT OF THE OLD THEATER + +LXXV. TAKE BOAT AND SEE A SOCIAL PARTY + +LXXVI. TAKE FINAL LEAVE OF FREDERICKSBURG + +LXXVII. TRY TO GET UP A SOCIETY AND GET SICK + +LXXVIII. AN EFFICIENT NURSE + +LXXIX. TWO FREDERICKSBURG PATIENTS + +LXXX. AM ENLIGHTENED + + CONCLUSION + + + + +HALF A CENTURY. + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +I FIND LIFE. + +Those soft pink circles which fell upon my face and hands, caught in my +hair, danced around my feet, and frolicked over the billowy waves of +bright, green grass--did I know they were apple blossoms? Did I know it +was an apple tree through which I looked up to the blue sky, over which +white clouds scudded away toward the great hills? Had I slept and been +awakened by the wind to find myself in the world? + +It is probable that I had for some time been familiar with that tree, +and all my surroundings, for I had been breathing two and a half years, +and had made some progress in the art of reading and sewing, saying +catechism and prayers. I knew the gray kitten which walked away; knew +that the girl who brought it back and reproved me for not holding it was +Adaline, my nurse; knew that the young lady who stood near was cousin +Sarah Alexander, and that the girl to whom she gave directions about +putting bread into a brick oven was Big Jane; that I was Little Jane, +and that the white house across the common was Squire Horner's. + +There was no surprise in anything save the loveliness of blossom and +tree; of the grass beneath and the sky above; and this first indelible +imprint on my memory seems to have found this inner something I call me, +as capable of reasoning as it has ever been. + +While I sat and wondered, father came, took me in his loving arms and +carried me to mother's room, where she lay in a tent-bed, with blue +foliage and blue birds outlined on the white ground of the curtains, +like the apple-boughs on the blue and white sky. The cover was turned +down, and I was permitted to kiss a baby-sister, and warned to be good, +lest Mrs. Dampster, who had brought the baby, should come and take it +away. This autocrat was pointed out, as she sat in a gray dress, white +'kerchief and cap, and no other potentate has ever inspired me with such +reverential awe. + +My second memory is of a "great awakening" to a sense of sin, and of my +lost and undone condition. On a warm summer day, while walking alone on +the common which lay between home and Squire Horner's house, I was +struck motionless by the thought that I had forgotten God. It seemed +probable, considering the total depravity of my nature, that I had been +thinking bad thoughts, and these I labored to recall, that I might +repent and plead with Divine mercy for forgiveness. But alas! I could +remember nothing save the crowning crime--forgetfulness of God. + +I seemed to stand outside, and see myself a mere mite, in a pink +sun-bonnet and white bib, the very chief of sinners, for the probability +was I had been thinking of that bonnet and bib. It was quite certain +that God knew my sin; and ah, the crushing horror that I could, by no +possibility conceal aught from the All-seeing Eye, while it was equally +impossible to win its approval. The Divine Law was so perfect that I +could not hope to meet its requirements--the Divine Law-giver so alert +that no sin could escape detection. + +Under that cloud of doom the sunshine grew dark, and I did not dare to +move until a cheery voice called out something about my pretty bonnet, +and gave me a sense of companionship in this dreadful, dreadful world. +Rose, a large native African, had spoken to me from her place in Squire +Horner's kitchen, and I went home full of solemn resolves and sad +forebodings. + +This is probably what evangelists would call my conversion, and it came +in my third summer. There was a fire in the grate when mother showed Dr. +Robt. Wilson, our family physician, a pair of wristbands and collar I +had stitched for father, and when they spoke of me as not being three +years old--but then I had in my mind the marks of that "great +awakening." + +To me, no childhood was possible under the training this indicates, yet +in giving that training, my parents were loving and gentle as they were +faithful. Believing in the danger of eternal death, they could but guard +me from it, by the only means of which they had any knowledge. + +Before the completion of that momentous third year of life, I had +learned to read the New Testament readily, and was deeply grieved that +our pastor played "patty cake" with my hands, instead of hearing me +recite my catechism, and talking of original sin. During that winter I +went regularly to school, where I was kept at the head of a +spelling-class, in which were young men and women. One of these, Wilkins +McNair, used to carry me home, much amused, no doubt, by my supremacy. +His father, Col. Dunning McNair, was proprietor of the village, and had +been ridiculed for predicting that, in the course of human events, there +would be a graded, McAdamized road, all the way from Philadelphia to +Pittsburg, and that if he did not live to see it his children would. He +was a neighbor and friend of Wm. Wilkins, afterwards Judge, Secretary +of War, and Minister to Russia, and had named his son for him. When his +prediction was fulfilled and the road made, it ran through his land, and +on it he laid out the village and called it Wilkinsburg. Mr. McNair +lived south of it in a rough stone house--the manor of the +neighborhood--with half a dozen slave huts ranged before the kitchen +door, and the gateway between his grounds and the village, as seen from +the upper windows of our house, was, to me, the boundary between the +known and the unknown, the dread portal through which came Adam, the +poor old ragged slave, with whom my nurse threatened me when I did not +do as she wished. He was a wretched creature, who made and sold hickory +brooms, as he dragged his rheumatic limbs on the down grade of life, +until he found rest by freezing to death in the woods, where he had gone +for saplings. + +I was born on the 6th of December, 1815, in Pittsburg, on the bank of +the Monongahela, near its confluence with the Allegheny. My father was +Thomas Cannon, and my mother Mary Scott. They were both Scotch-Irish +and descended from the Scotch Reformers. On my mother's side were +several men and women who signed the "Solemn League and Covenant," and +defended it to the loss of livings, lauds and life. Her mother, Jane +Grey, was of that family which was allied to royalty, and gave to +England her nine day's queen. + +This grandmother I remember as a stately old lady, quaintly and plainly +dressed, reading a large Bible or answering questions by quotations from +its pages. She was unsuspicious as an infant, always doubtful about +"actual transgressions" of any, while believing in the total depravity +of all. Educated in Ireland as an heiress, she had not been taught to +write, lest she should marry without the consent of her elder brother +guardian. She felt that we owed her undying gratitude for bestowing her +hand and fortune on our grandfather, who was but a yoeman, even if "he +did have a good leasehold, ride a high horse, wear spurs, and have +Hamilton blood in his veins." She made us familiar with the battle of +the Boyne and the sufferings in Londonderry, in both of which her +great-grandfather had shared, but was incapable of that sectarian +rancor, which marks so many descendents of the men who met on those +fields of blood and fought for their convictions. + +In April, 1816, father moved from Pittsburg out to the new village of +Wilkinsburg; took with him a large stock of goods, bought property, built +the house in which I first remember him, and planted the apple tree +which imprinted the first picture on my memory. But the crash which +followed the last war with England brought general bankruptcy; the +mortgages on Col. McNair's estate made the titles valueless, and this, +with the fall of his real estate in Pittsburg, reduced father to +poverty, from which he never recovered. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +PROGRESS IN CALVINISM--HUNT GHOSTS--SEE LA FAYETTE.--AGE, 6-9. + +My parents were members of the Covenanter Congregation, of which Dr. +John Black was pastor for forty-five years. He was a man of power, a +profound logician, with great facility in conveying ideas. To his pulpit +ministrations I am largely indebted for whatever ability I have to +discriminate between truth and falsehood; but the church was in +Pittsburg, and our home seven miles away, so we seldom went to meeting. +The rules of the denomination forbade "occasional hearing." Father and +mother had once been "sessioned" for stopping on their way home to hear +the conclusion of a communion service in Dr. Brace's church, which was +Seceder. So our Sabbaths were usually spent in religious services at +home. These I enjoyed, as it aided my life-work of loving and thinking +about God, who seemed, to my mind, to have some special need of my +attention. Nothing was done on that day which could have been done the +day before, or could be postponed till the day after. Coffee grinding +was not thought of, and once, when we had no flour for Saturday's +baking, and the buckwheat cakes were baked the evening before and warmed +on Sabbath morning, we were all troubled about the violation of the +day. + +There was a Presbyterian "meeting-house" two miles east of Wilkinsburg, +where a large, wealthy congregation worshipped. Rev. James Graham was +pastor, and unlike other Presbyterians, they never "profaned the +sanctuary" by singing "human compositions," but confined themselves to +Rouse's version of David's Psalms, as did our own denomination. This +aided that laxness of discipline which permitted Big Jane, Adaline and +brother William to attend sometimes, under care of neighbors. Once I was +allowed to accompany them. + +I was the proud possessor of a pair of red shoes, which I carried rolled +up in my 'kerchief while we walked the two miles. We stopped in the +woods; my feet were denuded of their commonplace attire and arrayed in +white hose, beautifully clocked, and those precious slices, and my poor +conscience tortured about my vanity. The girls also exchanged theirs for +morocco slippers. We concealed our walking shoes under a mossy log and +proceeded to the meeting-house. + +It was built in the form of a T, of hewn logs, and the whole structure, +both inside and out, was a combination of those soft grays and browns +with which nature colors wood, and in its close setting of primeval +forest, made a harmonious picture. Atone side lay a graveyard; birds +sang in the surrounding trees, some of which reached out their giant +arms and touched the log walls. Swallows had built nests under the +eaves outside, and some on the rough projections inside, and joined +their twitter to the songs of other birds and the rich organ +accompaniment of wind and trees. + +There were two sermons, and in the intermission, a church sociable, in +fact if not in name. Friends who lived twenty miles apart, met here, +exchanged greetings and news, gave notices and invitations, and obeyed +the higher law of kindness under protest of their Calvinistic +consciences. In this breathing-time we ate our lunch, went to the +nearest house and had a drink from the spring which ran through the +stone milk-house. It was a day full of sight-seeing and of solemn, grand +impressions. + +Of the two sermons I remember but one, and this from the text "Many are +called but few are chosen," and the comments were Calvinism of the most +rigid school. On our way home, my brother William--three years older +than I--was very silent and thoughtful for some time, then spoke of the +sermon, of which I entirely approved, but he stoutly declared that he +did not believe it; did not believe God called people to come to him +while he did not choose to have them come. It would not be fair, indeed, +he thought it would be mean. + +That evening, when we were saying the shorter catechism, the question, +"What are the decrees of God?" came to me, and after repeating the +answer, I asked father to explain it--not that I needed any explanation, +but that William might be enlightened; for I was anxious about his soul, +on account of his skepticism. Enlightened he could not be, and even to +father expressed his doubts and disapprobation. We renewed the +discussion when alone, and during all his life I labored with him; but +soon found the common refuge of orthodox minds, in feeling that those +especially loved by them will be made exceptions in the general +distribution of wrath due to unbelief. + +One day I went with him to hunt the cow. We came to a wood just north of +the village, where the wind roared and shook the trees so that I was +quite awe-stricken; but he held my hand and assured me there was no +danger, until he suddenly drew me back, exclaiming: + +"Oh see!" as a great tree came crashing down across the path before us, +and so near that it must have fallen on us if he had not seen it and +stepped back. Even then he refused to go home without the cow, and +taking up a daddy-long-legs, he inquired of it where she was, and +started in the direction indicated, when we were arrested by the voice +of Big Jane, who had come to search for us. + +On reaching home, we found a new baby-sister, Elizabeth. Soon after her +birth, in April, 1821, father moved back to Pittsburg, and lived on +Sixth street, opposite Trinity Church, on property belonging to my +maternal grandfather. There was no church there at that time, but a +thickly peopled graveyard, which adjoined that of the First Presbyterian +Church, on the corner of Sixth and Wood. These were above the level of +the street, and were protected by a worm-fence that ran along the top of +a green bank on which we played and gathered flowers. + +Grandmother took me sometimes to walk in these graveyards at night, and +there talked to me about God and heaven and the angels. I was +sufficiently interested in these, but especially longed to see the +ghosts, and often went to look for them. We had a bachelor uncle who +delighted in telling us tales of the supernatural, and he peopled these +graveyards with ghosts, in which I believed as implicitly as in the +Revelations made to John on the Isle of Patmos, which were my favorite +literature. + +When the congregation concluded to abandon the "Round Church," which +stood on the triangle between Liberty, Wood and Sixth streets, and began +to dig for a foundation for Trinity, where it now stands, there was +great desecration of graves. One day a thrill of excitement and stream +of talk ran through the neighborhood, about a Mrs. Cooper, whose body +had been buried three years, and was found in a wonderful state of +preservation, when the coffin was laid open by the diggers. It was left +that the friends might remove it, and that night I felt would be the +time for ghosts. So I went over alone, and while I crouched by the open +grave, peering in, a cloud passed, and the moon poured down a flood of +light, by which I could see the quiet sleeper, with folded hands, taking +her last, long rest. + +It was inexpressibly grand, solemn and sad. There were no gaslights, no +paved street near, no one stirring. Earth was far away and heaven near +at hand, but no ghost came, and I went home disappointed. Afterwards I +had a still more disheartening adventure. + +I had gone an errand to cousin Alexander's, on Fifth street, stayed +late, and coming home, found Wood street deserted. The moon shone +brightly, but on the graveyard side were heavy shadows, except in the +open space opposite the church. I was on the other side, and there was +the office of the Democratic paper, and over the door the motto "Our +country, right or wrong." This had long appeared to be an uncanny spot, +owing to the wickedness of this sentiment, and I was thinking of the +possibility of seeing Auld Nick guarding his property, when my attention +was attracted to a tall, white figure in the bright moonlight, outside +the graveyard fence. + +I stopped an instant, in great surprise, and listened for footsteps, but +no sound accompanied the motion. It did not walk, but glided, and must +have risen out of the ground, for only a moment before there was nothing +visible. I clasped my hands in mute wonder, but my ghost was getting +away, and to make its acquaintance I must hurry. Crossing the street I +ran after and gained on it. It passed into the shadow of the engine +house, on across Sixth street, into the moonlight, then into the shadow, +before I overtook it, when lo! it was a mortal woman, barefoot, in a +dress which was probably a faded print. Most prints faded then, and this +was white, long and scant, making a very ghostly robe, while on her head +she carried a bundle tied up in a sheet. She had, of course, come out of +Virgin alley, where many laundresses lived, and had just passed out of +the shadow when I saw her. We exchanged salutations, and I went home to +lie and brood over the unreliable nature of ghosts. + +I was trying to get into a proper frame of mind for saying my prayers, +but I doubt if they were said that night, as we were soon aroused by the +cries of fire. Henry Clay was being burned, in effigy, on the corner of +Sixth and Wood streets, to show somebody's disapproval of his course in +the election of John Quincy Adams. The Democratic editor, McFarland, was +tried and found guilty of the offense, and took revenge in ridiculing +his opponents. Charles Glenn, a fussy old gentleman, member of our +church, was an important witness for the prosecution, and in the long, +rhyming account published by the defendant, he was thus remembered: + + "Then in came Glenn, that man of peace, + And swore to facts as sleek as grease; + By all his Uncle Aleck's geese, + McFarland burnt the tar-barrel." + +It was before this time that Lafayette revisited Pittsburg, and people +went wild to do him honor. The schools paraded for his inspection, and +ours was ranged along the pavement in front of the First Presbyterian +church, the boys next the curb, the girls next the fence, all in holiday +attire, and wearing blue badges. The distinguished visitor passed up +between them, leaning on the arm of another gentleman, bowing and +smiling as he went. When he came to where I stood, he stepped aside, +laid his hand on my head, turned up my face and spoke to me. + +I was too happy to know what he said, and in all the years since that +day, that hand has lain on my brow as a consecration. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +FATHER'S DEATH.--AGE, 6-12. + +In the city we went regularly to meeting, and Dr. Black seemed always to +talk to _me_, and I had no more difficulty in understanding his sermons, +than in mastering the details of the most simple duty. The first of +which I preserve the memory was about Peter, who was made to illustrate +the growth of crime. He began with boasting; then came its natural +fruit, cowardice, in following his master afar off; next falsehood, and +from this he proceeded to perjury. It did seem that a disciple of Christ +could go no further; but for falsehood and perjury there might be excuse +in the hope of reward, and Peter found a lower deep, for "he began to +curse and to swear." A profane swearer is without temptation, and serves +the devil for the pure love of the service. What more could Peter do to +prove that he knew not Jesus? + +In the communion service is a ceremony called "fencing the tables," +which consists of an appeal to the consciences of intended communicants. +Dr. Black began with the first commandment and forbade those living in +its violation to come to the table, and so proceeded through the +decalogue. When he came to the eighth, he straightened himself, placed +his hands behind him, and with thrilling emphasis said, "I debar from +this holy table of the Lord, all slave-holders and horse-thieves, and +other dishonest persons," and without another word passed to the ninth +commandment. + +Soon after we returned to the city, sister Mary died of consumption, and +father's health began to fail. I have preserved the spinning wheel on +which mother converted flax yarn into thread, which she sold to aid in +the support of the family, but soon the entire burden fell on her, for +father's illness developed into consumption, from which he died in +March, 1823. + +In spite of all the testamentary precautions he could take, whatever of +his estate might have been available for present support, was in the +hands of lawyers, and mother was left with her children and the debts. +There were the contents of his shop and warehouse, some valuable real +estate in Pittsburg, which had passed out of his possession on a claim +of ground-rent, and a village home minus a title. + +William was a mechanical genius, so mother set him to making little +chairs, which he readily sold, but he liked better to construct fire +engines, which were quite wonderful but brought no money. He had a +splendid physique, was honorable and faithful, and if mother had been +guided by natural instinct in governing him, all would have been well; +but he never met the requirements of the elders of the church, who felt +it their duty to manage our family affairs. So he was often in trouble, +and I, who gloried in him, contrived to shield him from many a storm. + +At this time there was a fashionable _furor_ for lace work. Mother sent +me to learn it, and then procured me pupils, whom I taught, usually +sitting on their knee. But lace work soon gave way to painting on +velvet. This, too, I learned, and found profit in selling pictures. Ah, +what pictures I did make. I reached the culminating glory of artist +life, when Judge Braden, of Butler, gave me a new crisp five dollar bill +for a Goddess of Liberty. Indeed, he wanted me to be educated for an +artist, and was far-seeing and generous enough to have been my permanent +patron, had an artistic education, or any other education, been possible +for a Western Pennsylvania girl in that dark age--the first half of the +nineteenth century. + +Mother made a discovery in the art of coloring leghorn and straw +bonnets, which brought her plenty of work, so we never lacked comforts +of life, although grandfather's executors made us pay rent for the house +we occupied. + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +GO TO BOARDING-SCHOOL.--AGE, 12. + +During my childhood there were no public schools in Pennsylvania. The +State was pretty well supplied with colleges for boys, while girls were +permitted to go to subscription schools. To these we were sent part of +the time, and in one of them Joseph Caldwell, afterwards a prominent +missionary to India, was a schoolmate. But we had Dr. Black's sermons, +full of grand morals, science and history. + +In lieu of colleges for girls, there were boarding-schools, and +Edgeworth was esteemed one of the best in the State. It was at +Braddock's Field, and Mrs. Olever, an English woman of high culture, was +its founder and principal. To it my cousin, Mary Alexander, was sent, +but returned homesick, and refused to go back unless I went with her. It +was arranged that I should go for a few weeks, as I was greatly in need +of country air; and, highly delighted, I was at the rendezvous at the +hour, one o'clock, with my box, ready for this excursion into the world +of polite literature. Mary was also there, and a new scholar, but Father +Olever did not come for us until four o'clock. He was a small, nervous +gentleman, and lamps were already lighted in the smoky city when we +started to drive twelve miles through spring mud, on a cloudy, cheerless +afternoon. We knew he had no confidence in his power to manage those +horses, though we also knew he would do his best to save us from harm; +but as darkness closed around us, I think we felt like babes in the +woods, and shuddered with vague fear as much as with cold and damp. When +we reached the "Bullock Pens," half a mile west of Wilkinsburg, there +were many lights and much bustle in and around the old yellow tavern, +where teamsters were attending to their weary horses. Here we turned off +to the old mud road, and came to a place of which I had no previous +knowledge--a place of outer darkness and chattering teeth. + +We met no more teams, saw no more lights, but seemed to be in an utterly +uninhabited country. Then, after an hour of wearisome jolting and +plunging, we discovered that the darkness had not been total, for the +line of the horizon had been visible, but now it was swallowed up. We +knew we were in a wood, by the rush of the wind amid the dried white oak +leaves--knew that the road grew rougher at every step--that our driver +became more nervous as he applied the brake, and we went down, down. + +Still the descent grew steeper. We stopped, and Father Olever felt for +the bank with his whip to be sure we were on the road. Then we heard the +sound of rushing, angry waters, mingled with the roar of the wind, and +he seemed to hesitate about going on, but we could not very well stay +there, and he once more put his horses in motion, while we held fast and +prayed silently to the great Deliverer. After stopping again and +feeling for the bank, lest we should go over the precipitous hillside, +which he knew was there, he proceeded until, with a great plunge, we +were in the angry waters, which arose to the wagon-bed, and roared and +surged all around us. The horses tried to go on, when something gave +way, and our guardian concluded further progress was impossible, and +began to hallo at the top of his voice. + +For a long time there was no response; then came an answering call from +a long distance. Next a light appeared, and that, too, was far away, but +came toward us. When it reached the brink of the water, and two men with +it, we felt safe. The light-bearer held it up so that we saw him quite +well, and his peculiar appearance suited his surroundings. He was more +an overgrown boy than a man, beardless, with a long swarthy face, black +hair and keen black eyes. He wore heavy boots outside his pantaloons, a +blouse and slouch hat, spoke to his companion as one having authority, +and with a laugh said to our small gentleman: + +"Is this where you are?" but gave no heed to the answer as he waded in +and threw off the check lines, saying: "I wonder you did not drown your +horses." + +He next examined the wagon, paying no more attention to Father Olever's +explanations than to the water in which he seemed quite at home, and +when he had finished his inspection he said: + +"They must go to the house," and handing the light to the driver he took +us up one by one and carried us to the wet bank as easily as a child +carries her doll. He gave some directions to his companion, took the +light and said to us: + +"Come on," and we walked after him out into the limitless blackness, +nothing doubting. We went what seemed a long way, following this +brigand-looking stranger, without seeing any sign of life or hearing any +sound save the roar of wind and water, but on turning a fence corner, we +came in sight of a large two-story house, with a bright light streaming +out through many windows, and a wide open door. There was a large stone +barn on the other side of the road, and to this our conductor turned, +saying to us: "Go on to the house." This we did, and were met at the +open door by a middle-aged woman, shading with one hand the candle held +in the other. This threw a strong light on her face, which instantly +reminded me of an eagle. She wore a double-bordered white cap over her +black hair, and looked suspiciously at us through her small keen, black +eyes, but kindly bade us come in to a low wainscoted hall, with broad +stairway and many open doors. Through one of these and a second door we +saw a great fire of logs, and I should have liked to sit by it, but she +led us into a square wainscoted room on the opposite side, in which +blazed a coal fire almost as large as the log heap in the kitchen. + +She gave us seats, and a white-haired man who sat in the corner, spoke +to us, and made me feel comfortable. Up to this time all the +surroundings had had an air of enchanted castles, brigands, ghosts, +witches. The alert woman with the eagle face, in spite of her kindness, +made me feel myself an object of doubtful character, but this old man +set me quite at ease. We were no more than well warmed when the wagon +drove to the door, and the boy-man with the lantern appeared, saying, + +"Come on." + +We followed him again, and he lifted us into the wagon, while the +mistress of the house stood on the large flag-stone door-step, shading +her candle-flame, and giving directions about our wraps. + +"Coming events cast their shadows before," when they are between us and +the light; but that night the light must have been between them and me; +for I bade good-bye to our hostess without any premonition we should +ever again meet, or that I should sit alone, as I do to-night, over half +a century later, in that same old wainscoted room, listening to the roar +of those same angry waters and the rush of the wind wrestling with the +groaning trees, in the dense darkness of this low valley. + +When we had been carefully bestowed in the wagon, our deliverer took up +his lantern, saying to Father Olever: + +"Drive on." + +He was obeyed, and led the way over a bridge across another noisy +stream, and along a road where there was the sound of a waterfall very +near, then up a steep, rocky way until he stopped, saying, + +"I guess you can get along now." + +To Father Olever's thanks he only replied by a low, contemptuous but +good-humored laugh, as he turned to retrace his steps. All comfort and +strength and hope seemed to go with him. We were abandoned to our fate, +babes in the woods again, with only God for our reliance. But after a +while we could see the horizon, and arrived at our destination several +minutes before midnight, to find the great mansion full of glancing +lights and busy, expectant life. + +The large family had waited up for Father Olever's return, for he and +his wagon were the connecting link between that establishment and the +outside world. He appeared to great advantage surrounded by a bevy of +girls clamoring for letters and messages. To me the scene was +fairy-land. I had never before seen anything so grand as the great hall +with its polished stairway. We had supper in the housekeeper's room, and +I was taken up this stairway, and then up and up a corkscrew cousin +until we reached the attic, which stretched over the whole house, one +great dormitory called the "bee-hive." Here I was to sleep with Helen +Semple, a Pittsburg girl, of about my own age, a frail blonde, who quite +won my heart at our first meeting. + +Next day was Sabbath, and I was greatly surprised to see pupils walk on +the lawn. This was such a desecration of the day, but I made no remark. +I was too solemnly impressed by the grandeur of being at Braddock's +Field to have hinted that anything could be wrong. But for my own share +in the violation I was painfully penitent. + +This was not new, for there were a long series of years in which the +principal business of six days of every week, was repentance for the +very poor use made of the seventh, and from this dreary treadmill of sin +and sorrow, no faith ever could or did free me. I never could see +salvation in Christ apart from salvation from sin, and while the sin +remained the salvation was doubtful and the sorrow certain. + +On the afternoon of that first Sabbath, a number of young lady pupils +came to the Bee-hive for a visit, and as I afterwards learned to inspect +and name the two new girls, when I was promptly and unanimously dubbed +"Wax Doll." After a time, one remarked that they must go and study their +"ancient history lesson." I caught greedily at the words, ancient +history. Ah, if I could only be permitted to study such a lesson! No +such progress or promotion seemed open to me; but the thought interfered +with my prayers, and followed me into the realm of sleep. So when that +class was called next forenoon, I was alert, and what was my surprise, +to hear those privileged girls stumbling over the story of Sampson? +Could it be possible that was ancient history? How did it come to pass +that every one did not know all about Sampson, the man who had laid his +Lead on Delilah's wicked lap, to be shorn of his strength. If there is +any thing in that account, or any lesson to be drawn from it, with which +I was not then familiar, it is something I have never learned. Indeed, I +seemed to have completed my theological education before I did my +twelfth year. + +One morning, Mrs. Olever sent for me, and told me she had learned my +mother was not able to send me to school, but if I would take charge of +the lessons of the little girls, she would furnish me board and tuition. +This most generous offer quite took my breath away, and was most gladly +accepted; but it was easy work, and I wondered my own studies were so +light. I was allowed to amuse myself drawing flowers, which were quite +a surprise, and pronounced better than anything the drawing master could +do--to recite poetry, for the benefit of the larger girls, and to play +in the orchard with my pupils. + +With the other girls, I became interested in hair-dressing. I had read +"The Children of the Abbey," and Amanda's romantic adventures enchanted +me; but she was quite outside my life. Now I made a nearer acquaintance +with her. She changed her residence; so had I. She had brown ringlets; I +too should have them. So one Friday night, my hair was put up in papers, +and next morning, I let loose an amazing shower of curls. + +The next thing to do was to go off alone, and sit reading in a romantic +spot. Of course I did not expect to meet Lord Mortimer! Miss Fitzallen +never had any such expectations. I was simply going out to read and +admire the beauties of nature. When I had seated myself, in proper +attitude, on the gnarled root of an old tree, overhanging a lovely +ravine, I proceeded to the reading part of the play, and must of course +be too much absorbed to hear the approaching footsteps, to which I +listened with bated breath. So I did not look up when they stopped at my +side, or until a pleasant voice said: + +"Why you look quite romantic, my dear." + +Then I saw Miss Olever, the head teacher, familiarly called "Sissy +Jane." In that real and beautiful presence Miss Fitzallen retired to her +old place, and oh, the mortification she left behind her! I looked up, a +detected criminal, into the face of her who had brought to me this +humiliation, and took _her_ for a model. My folly did not prevent our +being sincere friends during all her earnest and beautiful life. + +She passed on, and I got back to the Bee-hive, when I disposed of my +curls, and never again played heroine. + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +LOSE MY BROTHER.--AGE, 12-15. + +Measured by the calendar, my boarding-school life was six weeks; but +measured by its pleasant memories, it was as many years. Mother wrote +for me to come home; and in going I saw, by sunlight, the scene of our +adventure that dark night going out. It was a lovely valley, walled in +by steep, wooded hills. Two ravines joined, bringing each its +contribution of running water, and pouring it into the larger stream of +the larger valley--a veritable "meeting of the waters"--in all of +nature's work, beautiful exceedingly. + +The house, which stood in the center of a large, green meadow, through +which the road ran, was built in two parts, of hewn logs, with one great +stone chimney on the outside, protected by an overshot in the roof, but +that one in which the log-heap burned that night was inside. One end had +been an Indian fort when Gen. Braddock tried to reach Fort Pitt by that +road. The other end and stone barn had been built by its present +proprietor. A log mill, the oldest in Allegheny county, stood below the +barn, and to it the French soldiers had come for meal from Fort +Duquesne. The stream crossed by the bridge was the mill-race, and the +waterfall made by the waste-gate. It was the homestead of a soldier of +the Revolution, one of Washington's lieutenants--the old man we had +seen. The woman was his second wife. They had a numerous family, and an +unpronounceable name. + +At home I learned that, on account of a cough, I had been the object of +a generous conspiracy between mother and Mrs. Olever, and had been +brought home because I was worse. Our doctors said I was in the first +stage of consumption, that Elizabeth was to reach that point early in +life, and that our only hope lay in plenty of calomel. Mother had lost +her husband and four vigorous children; there had been no lack of +calomel, and now, when death again threatened, she resolved to conduct +the defense on some new plan. + +She had gained legal possession of our village home, and moved to it. +Our lot was large and well supplied with choice fruit, and the place +seemed a paradise after our starved lives in the smoky city. My apple +tree still grew at the east end of the house. There was a willow tree +mother had planted, which now swept the ground with its long, graceful +branches. There were quantities of rose and lilac bushes, a walled +spring of delicious water in the cellar, and a whole world of wealth; +but the potato lot looked up in despair--a patch of yellow clay. Mother +put a twelve years' accumulation of coal ashes on it, and thus proved +them valuable both as a fertilizer and a preventive of potato-rot, +though at first her project met general opposition. + +William did the heavy work and was proud of it. He was in splendid +health, for his insubordination had, from a very early age, saved him +from drugging either mental or physical. The lighter gardening became +part of my treatment for consumption. By having me each day lie on the +floor on my back without a pillow, and gentle use of dumb-bells, mother +straightened my spine and developed my chest--my clothes being carefully +adapted to its expansion. Dancing was strictly forbidden by our church, +but mother was educated in Ireland and danced beautifully. She had a +class of girls and taught us, and with plenty of fresh air, milk and +eggs, effectually disposed of hereditary consumption in her family. But +while attending to us, she must also make a living, so she bought a +stock of goods on credit, opened a store, and soon had a paying +business. In this I was her special assistant. But the work supplied to +William did not satisfy the holy men of the church, who furnished us +advice. He still made fire engines, and a brook in a meadow presented +irresistible temptation to water-wheels and machinery. One of his +tilt-hammers made a very good ghost, haunting the meadow and keeping off +trespassers. He had a foundry, where he cast miniature cannon, kettles +and curious things, and his rifle-practice was a neighborhood wonder. He +brought water from the cellar, and did other chores which Pennsylvania +rules assigned to women, and when boys ridiculed him, he flogged them, +and did it quite as effectually as he rendered them the same service +when they were rude to a girl. He was a universal favorite, even if he +did hate catechism and love cake. + +So mother's conscience was worked upon until she bound him to a cabinet +maker in the city. To him, the restraint was unendurable, and he ran +away. He came after dark to bid me good-bye, left love for mother and +Elizabeth, and next morning left Pittsburg on a steamboat, going to that +Eldorado of Pittsburg boys--"down the river." + +For some time letters came regularly from him, and he was happy and +prosperous. Then they ceased, and after two years of agonizing suspense, +we heard that he had died of yellow fever in New Orleans. To us, this +was dreadful, irreparable, and was wholly due to that iron-bedstead +piety which permits no natural growth, but sets down all human loves and +longings as of Satanic origin. + +Soon after our removal to the village, grandfather's estate was +advertised for sheriff's sale. Mother had the proceedings stayed, the +executors dismissed, and took out letters of administration, which made +it necessary for her to spend some portion of every month in the city. +This threw the entire charge of house and store on me. As soon, +therefore, as possible, she sent me to the city to school, where I +realized my aspiration of studying ancient history and the piano, and +devoured the contents of the text-book of natural philosophy with an +avidity I had never known for a novel. + +In April, 1830, I began to teach school, the only one in Wilkinsburg, +and had plenty of pupils, young men and women, boys and girls, at two +dollars and one dollar and a half a term. Taught seven hours a day, and +Saturday forenoon, which was devoted to Bible reading and catechism. I +was the first, I believe, in Allegheny Co., to teach children without +beating them. I abolished corporeal punishment entirely, and was so +successful that boys, ungovernable at home, were altogether tractable. +This life was perfectly congenial, and I followed it for nearly six +years. Mother started a Sabbath School, the only one in the village, and +this, too, we continued for years. + +One of the pupils was a girl of thirteen, daughter of a well-to-do +farmer, who lived within a mile of the village. Her father had been +converted at a camp-meeting and was a devout Methodist. The first day +she attended, I asked her the question: + +"How many Gods are there?" + +She thought a moment, and then said, with an air of satisfaction: + +"Five." + +I was shocked, and answered in the language of the Catechism: + +"O Margaret! 'There is but one only living and true God.'" + +She hung her head, then nodded it, and with the emphasis of a judge who +had weighed all the evidence, said: + +"I am sure I ha' hearn tell o' more nur one of em." + +A young theological student came sometimes to stay over Sabbath and +assist in the school. He led in family worship, and had quite a nice +time, until one evening he read a chapter from the song of songs which +was Solomon's, when I bethought me that he was very much afraid of +toads. I began to cultivate those bright-eyed creatures, so that it +always seemed probable I had one in my pocket or sleeve. The path of +that good young man became thorny until it diverged from mine. + +I was almost fifteen, when I overheard a young lady say I was growing +pretty. I went to my mirror and spent some moments in unalloyed +happiness and triumph. Then I thought, "Pretty face, the worms will eat +you. All the prettiest girls I know are silly, but you shall never make +a fool of me. Helen's beauty ruined Troy. Cleopatra was a wretch. So if +you are pretty, _I_ will be master, remember that." + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +JOIN CHURCH AND MAKE NEW ENDEAVORS TO KEEP SABBATH.--AGE, 15. + +In the year 1800, the Covenanter church of this country said in her +synod: "Slavery and Christianity are incompatible," and never relaxed +her discipline which forbade fellowship with slave-holders--so I was +brought up an abolitionist. I was still a child when I went through +Wilkins' township collecting names to a petition for the abolition of +slavery in the District of Columbia. Here, in a strictly orthodox +Presbyterian community, I was everywhere met by the objections: "Niggers +have no souls," "The Jews held slaves," "Noah cursed Canaan," and these +points I argued from house to house, occasionally for three years, and +made that acquaintance which led to my being sent for in cases of +sickness and death, before I had completed my sixteenth year. In this, I +in some measure took the place long filled by mother, who was often a +substitute for doctor and preacher. + +Looking back at her life, I think how little those know of Calvinists +who regard them merely as a class of autocrats, conscious of their own +election to glory, and rejoicing in the reprobation of all others; for I +have never known such humble, self-distrustful people as I have found in +that faith. Mother, whose life was full of wisdom and good works, +doubted, even to the last, her own acceptance with God. She and I +believed that "a jealous God," who can brook no rivals, had taken away +our loving husband and father; our strong and brave son and brother, +because we loved them too much, and I was brought up to think it a great +presumption to assume that such a worm of the dust as I, could be aught +to the Creator but a subject of punishment. + +During the spring of 1831, mother said to me: + +"Sabbath week is our communion, and I thought you might wish to join the +church." + +I was startled and without looking up, said: + +"Am I old enough?" + +"If you feel that the dying command of the Savior, 'do this in +remembrance of me' was addressed to you, you are old enough to obey it." + +Not another word was said and the subject was never again broached +between us, but here a great conflict began. That command was given to +me, but how could I obey it without eating and drinking damnation to +myself? Was mine a saving faith, or did I, like the devils, believe and +tremble? I had been believing as long as I could remember, but did not +seem to grow in the image of God. + +The conflict lasted several days. Sleep left me. The heavens were iron +and the earth brass. I turned to Erskine to learn the signs of saving +faith, but found only reason to suspect self-deception. I could not +submit to God's will--could not be willing that William should be +lost--nay, I was not willing that any one should be lost. I could not +stay in heaven, and know that any one was enduring endless torments in +some other place! I must leave and go to their relief. It was dreadful +that Abraham did not even try to go to poor Dives, or to send some one. +My whole soul flew into open revolt; then oh! the total depravity which +could question "the ways of God to man." I hated Milton. I despised his +devils; had a supreme contempt for the "Prince of the Power of the Air;" +did not remember a time when I was afraid of him. God was "my refuge and +my shield, in straits a present aid." If he took care of me, no one else +could hurt me; if he did not, no one else could; and to be accepted by +him was all there was or could be worth caring for; but how should I +find this acceptance with my heart full of rebellion? + +One afternoon I became unable to think, but a white mist settled down +over hell. Even those contemptible devils were having their tongues +cooled with blessed drops of water. The fires grew dim, and it seemed as +if there was to be a rain of grace and mercy in that region of despair. +Then I preferred my petition, that God would write his name upon my +forehead, and give me that "new name" which should mark me as his; that +he would bring William into the fold, and do with me as he would. I +would be content to spend my whole life in any labor he should appoint, +without a sign of the approval of God or man, if, in the end, I and +mine should be found among those "who had washed their robes, and made +them white in the blood of the Lamb." + +I fell asleep--slept hours--and when the sun was setting, woke in +perfect peace. My proposition had been accepted, and wonderful grace, +which had given what I had not dared to ask, assurance of present +acceptance. I should have all the work and privation for which I had +bargained--should be a thistle-digger in the vineyard; should be set to +tasks from which other laborers shrank, but in no trial could I ever be +alone, and should at last hear the welcome "well done." + +I arose as one from a grave to a joyous resurrection; but kept all these +things in my heart. Personal experiences being altogether between God +and the soul, were not considered fit subjects for conversation, and +when I came before the session applying for church, membership, no +mention was made of them, except as a general confession of faith. + +Rev. Andrew Black addressed the table at which I sat in my first +communion, and said: + +"The Lord's Supper has been named the Eucharist, after the oath taken by +a Roman soldier, never to turn his back upon his leader. You, in +partaking of these emblems, do solemnly vow that you will never turn +your back upon Christ, but that you will follow him whithersoever he +goeth. Let others do as they will, you are to follow the Lamb, through +good and through evil report, to a palace or to a prison; follow him, +even if he should lead you out of the church." + +This was in perfect harmony with my private agreement, and no other act +of my life has been so solemn or far-reaching in its consequences, as +that ratification of my vow, and it is one I have least cause to repent. + +However, it brought a new phase to an old trouble. How should I follow +Christ? I could not do as he had done. I could not go to meeting every +Sabbath, and society every Friday; and if I did, was that following +Christ who never built a meeting-house, or conducted any service +resembling those now held? I read the life of Jonathan Edwards, and +settled back into the old Sabbath-keeping rut. Resolving to do my best, +I prayed all week, for grace to keep the next Sabbath. I rose early that +trial-morning, prayed as soon as my eyes were open, read a chapter, +looked out into the beautiful morning, thought about God and +prayed--spent so much time praying, that Elizabeth had breakfast ready +when I went down stairs. While I ate it, I held my thoughts to the work +of the day, worshiping God; but many facts and fancies forced themselves +in and disturbed my pious meditations. After breakfast, I went back to +my room to continue my labor; but mother soon came and said: + +"Do you intend to let Elizabeth do all the work?" + +I dropped my roll of saintship, and went and washed the dishes. Had I +been taught that he who does any honest work serves God and follows +Christ, what a world of woe would have been spared me. + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +THE DELIVERER OF THE DARK NIGHT.--AGE, 19-21. + +Quiltings furnished the principal amusement, and at these I was in +requisition, both for my expertness with the needle, and my skill in +laying out work; but as I had no brother to come for me, I usually went +home before the evening frolic, which consisted of plays. Male and +female partners went through the common quadrille figures, keeping time +to the music of their own voices, and making a denouement every few +moments by some man kissing some woman, perhaps in a dark hall, or some +woman kissing some man, or some man kissing all the women, or _vice +versa_. Elders and preachers often looked on in pious approbation, and +the church covered these sports with the mantle of her approval, but was +ready to excommunicate any one who should dance. Promiscuous dancing was +the fiery dragon which the church went out to slay. Only its death could +save her from a fit of choler which might be fatal, unless, indeed, the +dancing were sanctified by promiscuous kissing. If men and women danced +together without kissing, they were in immediate danger of eternal +damnation; but with plenty of kissing, and rude wrestling to overcome +the delicacy of women who objected to such desecration, the church gave +her blessing to the quadrille. + +My protest against these plays had given offense, and I chose to avoid +them; but one evening the host begged me to remain, saying he would see +that I was not annoyed, and would himself take me home. The frolic was +only begun, when he came and asked permission to introduce a gentleman, +saying: "If you do not treat him well, I will never forgive you." + +There was no need of this caution, for he presented a man whose presence +made me feel that I was a very little girl and should have been at home. +He was over six feet tall, well formed and strongly built, with black +hair and eyes, a long face, and heavy black whiskers. He was handsomely +dressed, and his manner that of a grave and reverend seignior. A Russian +count in a New York drawing room, then, when counts were few, could not +have seemed more foreign than this man in that village parlor, less than +two miles from the place of his birth. + +He was the son of the old revolutionary soldier, with the unpronouncable +name, who lived in the beautiful valley. This I knew at once, but did +not, for some time, realize that it was he who rescued us from the black +waters on that dark night, carried us to safety and light, and left us +again in darkness. This incident, so much to me, he never could +distinguish among the many times he had "helped Olever and his seminary +girls out of scrapes," and he never spoke of these adventures without +that same laugh which I noticed when Father Olever thanked him. + +He had elected me as his wife some years before this evening, and had +not kept it secret; had been assured his choice was presumptuous, but +came and took possession of his prospective property with the air of a +man who understood his business. I next saw him on horseback, and this +man of giant strength in full suit of black, riding a large spirited +black horse, became my "black knight." + +My sister hated him, and my mother doubted him, or rather doubted the +propriety of my receiving visits from him. His family were the leading +Methodists of the township; his father had donated land and built a +meeting-house, which took his name, and his house was the headquarters +of traveling preachers. There was a camp-meeting ground on the farm; his +mother "lived without sin," prayed aloud and shouted in meeting, while +the income and energy of the family were expended in propagating a faith +which we believed false. A marriage with him would be incongruous and +bring misery to both. These objections he overruled, by saying he was +not a member of any church, would never interfere with my rights of +conscience, would take or send me to my meeting when possible, and +expect me to go sometimes with him. He proposed going up the Allegheny +to establish saw-mills, and if I would go into the woods with him, there +should be no trouble about religion. So there seemed no valid objection, +and two years after our introduction we were married, on the 18th of +November, 1836. + +Then all was changed. I offended him the day after by shedding tears +when I left home to go for a visit to his father's house, and his sister +had told him that I cried while dressing to be married. These offenses +he never forgave, and concluded that since I cared so little for him, he +would not leave his friends and go up the Allegheny with me. His +services were indispensable at home, since his brother Samuel had gone +into business for himself, and the next brother William was not +seventeen, and could not take charge of the farm and mills. His mother +was ready to take me into the family,--although the house was not large +enough to accommodate us comfortably--the old shop in the yard could be +fitted up for a school-room. I could teach and he could manage the +estate. + +In this change, he but followed that impulse which led the men of +England, centuries ago, to enact, that "marriage annuls all previous +contracts between the parties," and which now leads men in all civilized +countries to preserve such statutes. It is an old adage, "All is fair in +love as in war," but I thought not of general laws, and only felt a +private grievance. + +By a further change of plan, I was to get religion and preach. Wesley +made the great innovation of calling women to the pulpit, and although +it had afterwards been closed to them generally, there were still women +who did preach, while all were urged to take part in public worship. My +husband had been converted after our engagement and shortly before our +marriage, and was quite zealous. He thought me wonderfully wise, and +that I might bring souls to Christ if I only would. I quoted Paul: "Let +women keep silence in churches, and learn of their husbands at home." He +replied, "Wives, obey your husbands." He laughed at the thought of my +learning from him and said: "What shall I teach you? Will you come to +the mill and let me show you how to put a log on the carriage?" + +It was a very earnest discussion, and the Bible was on both sides; but I +followed the lead of my church, which taught me to be silent. He quoted +his preachers, who were in league with him, to get me to give myself to +the Lord, help them save souls, by calling on men everywhere to repent; +but I was obstinate. I would not get religion, would not preach, would +not live in the house with his mother, and stayed with my own. His +younger brothers came regularly to me for lessons with my sister, and I +added two idiotic children bound to his sister's husband, to whose +darkened minds I found the key hidden from other teachers. His brothers +I adopted from the first, in place of the one I had lost, and they +repaid my love in kind; but books soon appeared as an entering wedge +between their souls and religion, which formed the entire mental pabulum +of the family. + +I believe there was not at that time a member of the Pittsburg +Conference who was a college graduate, few who had even a good, common +school education, while two of those who preached in our meetinghouse +and were frequent guests in the family, were unable to read. + +My husband's father was old and feeble, and had devised his property to +his wife, to be divided at her death between her sons. My husband, as +her agent, would come into possession of the whole, and they thought I +might object to the "prophet's chamber;" but it required no worldly +motive to stimulate these fiery zealots to save a sinner from the toils +of Calvinism. It is probable many of them would have laid down his life +for his religion, and when they got on the track of a sinner, they +pursued him as eagerly as ever an English parson did a fox, but it was +to save, not to kill. In these hot pursuits, they did not stand on +ceremony, and in my case, found a subject that would not run. My kith +and kin had died at the stake, bearing testimony against popery and +prelacy; had fought on those fields where Scotchmen charged in solid +columns, singing psalms; and though I was wax at all other points, I was +granite on "The Solemn League and Covenant." With the convictions of +others I did not interfere, but when attacked would "render +a reason." My assailants denounced theological seminaries as +"preacher-factories"--informed me that "neither Dr. Black nor any of his +congregation ever had religion," and that only by getting it could any +one be saved. My husband became proud of my defense, and the boys grew +disrespectful to their religious guides. Their mother became anxious +about their souls, so the efforts for my conversion were redoubled. + +From the first the preachers disapproved of my being permitted to go to +my meeting, and especially to my husband accompanying me. He refused to +go, on the ground that he had not been invited to commune, and as I sank +in the deep waters of affliction, I did so need the pulpit teachings of +my old pastor, which seemed to lift me and set my feet upon a rock. One +day I walked the seven miles and back, when the family carriage went to +take two preachers to an appointment; three horses stood in the old +stone barn, and my husband at home with his mother. This gave great +offense as the advertisement of a grievance, and was never repeated. + +During all my childhood and youth, I had been spoiled by much love, if +love can spoil. I was non-resistant by nature, and on principle, +believed in the power of good. Forbearance, generosity, helpful service, +would, should, must, win my new friends to love me. + +Getting me into the house with my mother-in-law, was so important a part +of the plan of salvation, that to effect it, I was left without support +or compensation for my services as teacher, tailor, dress-maker, for my +husband's family. He visited me once or twice a week, and ignored my +mother's presence, while she felt that in this, as in any church-joining +conflict, only God could help me, and stood aloof. + +To me the sun was darkened, and the moon refused her light. I knew "that +jealous God" who claimed the supreme love of his creatures, was +scourging me for making an idol and bowing down before it--for loving my +husband. I knew it was all just and clung to the Almighty arm, with the +old cry, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." To my husband I +clung with like tenacity, and could not admit that my suffering was +through any fault of his. + +The summer after my marriage, mother went for a long visit to Butler, +and left us in possession of her house. My husband bought a village +property, including a wagon-maker's shop, employed a workman and sent +him to board with me. He also made some additions to a dwelling on it, +that we might go there to live, and the workmen boarded with me, while +my mother-in-law furnished provisions and came or sent a daughter to see +that I did not waste them. Her reproofs were in the form of suggestions, +and she sought to please me by saying she had "allowed James" to get +certain things for me; but he did not visit me any oftener than when +mother was at home, and when she returned in the autumn, the potatoes +were frozen in the ground, the apples on the trees, and the cow stood +starving at the stable door. + +Then I learned that I had been expected to secure the fall crops on +mother's lot, and this was not unreasonable, for I had married a +Pennsylvania farmer, and their wives and sisters and daughters did such +work often, while the "men folks" pitched horseshoes to work off their +surplus vitality. Lack of strength was no reason why a woman should fail +in her duty, for when one fell at her post, there was always another to +take her place. + +Up to this time mother had left me to settle my troubles, but now, she +told me I must turn and demand justice; that generosity was more than +thrown away; that I never could live with my husband and bear his +neglect and unkindness and that of his family. I must leave him, defend +myself, or die. That I should have been expected to gather apples and +dig potatoes, filled her with indignation. She advised me to stay with +her and refuse to see him, but I shuddered to think it had come to this +in one short year, and felt that all would yet be well. So I went to +live in the house he provided for me, his mother furnished my supplies, +and he came once a week to see me. + +Here let me say, that in my twenty years of married life, my conflicts +were all spiritual; that there never was a time when my husband's strong +right arm would not be tempered to infantile gentleness to tend me in +illness, or when he hesitated to throw himself between me and danger. +Over streams and other places impassible to me, he carried me, but could +not understand how so frail a thing could be so obstinate. + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +FITTING MYSELF INTO MY SPHERE.--AGE, 22, 23. + +During all my girlhood I saw no pictures, no art gallery, no studio, but +had learned to feel great contempt for my own efforts at picture-making. +A traveling artist stopped in Wilkinsburg and painted some portraits; we +visited his studio, and a new world opened to me. Up to that time +portrait painting had seemed as inaccessible as the moon--a sublimity I +no more thought of reaching than a star; but when I saw a portrait on +the easel, a palette of paints and some brushes, I was at home in a new +world, at the head of a long vista of faces which I must paint; but the +new aspiration was another secret to keep. + +Bard, the wagon-maker, made me a stretcher, and with a yard of +unbleached muslin, some tacks and white lead, I made a canvas. In the +shop were white lead, lampblack, king's yellow and red lead, with oil +and turpentine. I watched Bard mix paints, and concluded I wanted brown. +Years before, I heard of brown umber, so I got umber and some brushes +and begun my husband's portrait. I hid it when he was there or I heard +any one coming, and once blistered it badly trying to dry it before the +fire, so that it was a very rough work; but it was a portrait, a daub, a +likeness, and the hand was his hand and no other. The figure was +correct, and the position in the chair, and, from the moment I began it, +I felt I had found my vocation. + +What did I care for preachers and theological arguments? What matter who +sent me my bread, or whether I had any? What matter for anything, so +long as I had a canvas and some paints, with that long perspective of +faces and figures crowding up and begging to be painted. The face of +every one I knew was there, with every line and varying expression, and +in each I seemed to read the inner life in the outer form. Oh, how they +plead with me! What graceful lines and gorgeous colors floated around +me! I forgot God, and did not know it; forgot philosophy, and did not +care to remember it; but alas! I forgot to get Bard's dinner, and, +although I forgot to be hungry, I had no reason to suppose he did. He +would willingly have gone hungry, rather than give any one trouble; but +I had neglected a duty. Not only once did I do this, but again and +again, the fire went out or the bread ran over in the pans, while I +painted and dreamed. + +My conscience began to trouble me. Housekeeping was "woman's sphere," +although I had never then heard the words, for no woman had gotten out +of it, to be hounded back; but I knew my place, and scorned to leave it. +I tried to think I could paint without neglect of duty. It did not occur +to me that painting was a duty for a married woman! Had the passion +seized me before marriage, no other love could have come between me and +art; but I felt that it was too late, as my life was already devoted to +another object--housekeeping. + +It was a hard struggle. I tried to compromise, but experience soon +deprived me of that hope, for to paint was to be oblivious of all other +things. In my doubt, I met one of those newspaper paragraphs with which +men are wont to pelt women into subjection: "A man does not marry an +artist, but a housekeeper." This fitted my case, and my doom was sealed. + +I put away my brushes; resolutely crucified my divine gift, and while it +hung writhing on the cross, spent my best years and powers cooking +cabbage. "A servant of servants shall she be," must have been spoken of +women, not negroes. + +Friends have tried to comfort me by the assurance that my life-work has +been better done by the pen, than it could have been with the pencil, +but this cannot be. I have never cared for literary fame; have avoided, +rather than sought it; have enjoyed the abuse of the press more than its +praise; have held my pen with a feeling of contempt for its feebleness, +and never could be so occupied with it as to forget a domestic duty, +while I have never visited a picture gallery, but I have bowed in deep +repentance for the betrayal of a trust. + +Where are the pictures I should have given to the world? Where my record +of the wrongs and outrages of my age; of the sorrows and joys; the +trials and triumphs, that should have been written amid autumn and +sunset glories in the eloquent faces and speaking forms which have +everywhere presented themselves, begging to be interpreted? Why have I +never put on canvas one pair of those pleading eyes, in which are +garnered the woes of centuries? + +Is that Christianity which has so long said to one-half of the race, +"Thou shalt not use any gift of the Creator, if it be not approved by +thy brother; and unto man, not God, thou shalt ever turn and ask, 'What +wilt thou have me to do?'" + +It was not only my art-love which must be sacrificed to my duty as a +wife, but my literary tastes must go with it. "The husband is the head +of the wife." To be head, he must be superior. An uncultivated husband +could not be the superior of a cultivated wife. I knew from the first +that his education had been limited, but thought the defect would be +easily remedied as he had good abilities, but I discovered he had no +love for books. His spiritual guides derided human learning and depended +on inspiration. My knowledge stood in the way of my salvation, and I +must be that odious thing--a superior wife--or stop my progress, for to +be and appear were the same thing. I must be the mate of the man I had +chosen; and if he would not come to my level, I must go to his. So I +gave up study, and for years did not read one page in any book save the +Bible. My religions convictions I could not change, but all other +differences should disappear. + +Mother moved to the city in the spring of 1838, and my health was +rapidly failing. I had rebelled against my mother-in-law, returned her +supplies, and refused to receive anything from her. This brought on a +fearful crisis, in which my husband threatened suicide; but I was firm, +and he concluded to rent the mills and take me away. This he did. His +father lived but a few months, and died on the second anniversary of our +marriage. He lies buried in the ground he donated as "God's acre," with +only this inscription at his head: "John Swisshelm, aged 86." No sign +that he was one of the world's heroes--yet, when our revolution broke +out, his parents had but two children. The oldest enlisted and was +killed, when John caught up his rifle, took his place, and kept it until +the close of the war. He spent the winter in Valley Forge, and once, in +the darkest time, discovered Washington on his knees in a lonely +thicket, praying aloud for his country. This gave him hope, when hope +was well-nigh dead, and he followed his commander across the Jerseys, +one of the two thousand who wrote in blood, from their shoeless feet, +their protest against British rule on the soil they thus consecrated to +Freedom. + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +HABITATIONS OF HORRID CRUELTY.--AGE, 23, 24. + +On the 6th of June, 1838, the white frost lay on the west side of +Pittsburg roofs as we steamed away from her wharf, bound for Louisville, +where my husband proposed going into a business already established by +his brother Samuel. + +On the boat, all the way down the river, the general topic of +conversation was the contrast between the desolate slave-cursed shores +of Kentucky, and the smiling plenty of the opposite bank; but Louisville +was largely settled by Northern people, and was to prove an oasis in the +desert of slavery. + +It lay at the head of the Falls of the Ohio, and the general government +had lately expended large sums in building a canal around them. Henry +Clay was in the zenith of his power, slavery held possession of the +national resources, Louisville might count on favors, and she was to be +Queen City of the West. There was an aspiring little place which fancied +itself a rival, a little boat-landing, without natural advantages, +called Cincinnati, where they killed hogs; but it was quite absurd to +think of her competing with the great metropolis at the head of the +canal. + +I was quite surprised to find there were a good many houses and folks in +Cincinnati; but our boat did not stop long, and we soon reached our +Eldorado. Before we effected a landing at the crowded wharf, I fell to +wondering if a Pittsburg drayman could take a Louisville dray, its load, +its three horses and ragged driver, pile them on his dray, and with his +one horse take them to their destination--and I thought he could. + +Samuel met us, and as we went in a hack to the boarding place he had +engaged. I wondered what had happened that so many men were off work in +the middle of the forenoon. Who or what could they be, those fellows in +shining black broadcloth, each with a stove-pipe hat on the side of his +head, his thumbs in the armholes of a satin vest, displaying a wonderful +glimmer of gold chain and diamond stud, balancing himself first on his +heels and then on his toes, as he rolled a cigar from one side of his +mouth to the other? How did they come to be standing around on corners +and doorsteps by the hundred, like crows on a cornfield fence? + +It was some time before I learned that this was the advance guard of a +great army of woman-whippers, which stretched away back to the Atlantic, +and around the shores of the Gulf of Mexico, and that they were out on +duty as a staring brigade, whose business it was to insult every woman +who ventured on the street without a male protector, by a stare so +lascivious as could not be imagined on American free soil. I learned +that they all lived, in whole or in part, by the sale of their own +children, and the labor of the mothers extorted by the lash. I came to +know one hoary-haired veteran, whose entire support came from the +natural increase and wages of nineteen women, one of whom, a girl of +eighteen, lived with him in a fashionable boarding-house, waited on him +at table, slept in his room, and of whose yearly wages one hundred and +seventy-five dollars were credited on his board bill. + +I learned that none of the shapely hands displayed on the black vests, +had ever used other implement of toil than a pistol, bowie-knife or +slave-whip; that any other tool would ruin the reputation of the owner +of the taper digits; but they did not lose caste by horsewhipping the +old mammys from whose bosoms they had drawn life in infancy. + +Our boarding-house was on Walnut street, one block west of the theatre, +and looked toward the river. On the opposite side of the street stood a +two-story brick house, always closed except when a negress opened and +dusted the rooms. I never saw sadness or sorrow until I saw that face; +and it did not appear except about her work, or when she emerged from a +side gate to call in two mulatto children, who sometimes came out on the +pavement. + +This house belonged to a Northern "mudsill," who kept a grocery, and +owned the woman, who was the mother of five children, of whom he was the +father. The older two he had sold, one at a time, as they became +saleable or got in his way. On the sale of the first, the mother "took +on so that he was obliged to flog her almost to death before she gave +up." But he had made her understand that their children were to be sold, +at his convenience, and that he "would not have more than three little +niggers about the house at one time." + +After that first lesson she had been "reasonable." + +Our hostess, a Kentucky lady, used to lament the loss of two boys--"two +of the beautifulest boys!" + +They were the sons of her bachelor uncle, who had had a passion for +Liza, one of his father's slaves, a tall, handsome quadroon, who +rejected his suit and was in love with Jo, a fellow slave. To punish +both, the young master had Jo tied up and lashed until he fainted, while +Liza was held so that she must witness the torture, until insensibility +came to her relief. This was done three times, when Jo was sold, and +Liza herself bound to the whipping-post, and lashed until she yielded, +and became the mother of those two beautiful boys. + +"But," added her biographer, "she never smiled after Jo was sold, took +consumption and died when her youngest boy was two months old. They were +the beautifulest boys I ever laid eyes on, and uncle sot great store by +them. He couldn't bear to have them out of his sight, and always said he +would give them to me. He would have done it, I know, if he had made a +will; but he took sick sudden, raving crazy, and never got his senses +for one minute. It often took three men to hold him on the bed. He +thought he saw Jo and Liza, and died cursing and raving." + +She paused to wipe away a tear, and added: "The boys were sold down +South. Maybe your way, up North, is best, after all. I never knew a +cruel master die happy. They are sure to be killed, or die dreadful!" + +She had an old, rheumatic cook, Martha, who seldom left her basement +kitchen, except when she went to her Baptist meeting, but for hours and +hours she crooned heart-breaking melodies of that hope within her, of a +better and a happier world. + +She had a severe attack of acute inflammation of the eyelids, which +forcibly closed her eyes, and kept them closed; then she refused to +work. + +Her wages, one hundred and seventy-five dollars a year, were paid to her +owner, a woman, and these went on; so her employer sent for her owner, +and I, as an abolitionist, was summoned to the conference, that I might +learn to pity the sorrows of mistresses, and understand the +deceitfulness of slaves. + +The injured owner sat in the shaded parlor, in a blue-black satin dress, +that might almost have stood upright without assistance from the flesh +or bones inside; with the dress was combined a mass of lace and jewelry +that represented a large amount of money, and the mass as it sat there, +and as I recall it, has made costly attire odious. + +This bedizzoned martyr, this costumer's advertisement, sat and fanned as +she recounted her grievances. Her entire allowance for personal +expenses, was the wages of nine women, and her husband would not give +her another dollar. They, knowing her necessities, were so +ungrateful!--nobody could think how ungrateful; but in all her sorrows, +Martha was her crowning grief. She had had two husbands, and had behaved +so badly when the first was sold. Then, every time one of her thirteen +children were disposed of, she "did take on so;" nobody could imagine +"how she took on!" + +Once, the gentle mistress had been compelled to send her to the +workhouse and have her whipped by the constable; and that cost fifty +cents; but really, this martyr and her husband had grown weary of +flogging Martha. One hated so to send a servant to the public +whipping-post; it looked like cruelty--did cruelty lacerate the feelings +of refined people, and it was so ungrateful in Martha, and all the rest +of them, to torture this fine lady in this rough way. + +As to Martha's ingratitude, there could be no doubt; for, to this, our +hostess testified, and called me to witness, that she had sent her a cup +of tea every day since she had complained of being sick; yes, "a cup of +tea with sugar in it," and yet the old wretch had not gone to work. + +When they had finished the recital of their grievances they came down to +business. The owner would remit two week's wages; after that it was the +business of the employer to pay them, and see that they were earned. If +it were necessary now to send Martha to the whipping-post, the lady in +satin would pay the fifty cents; but for any future flogging, the lady +in lawn must be responsible to the City of Louisville. + +We adjourned to the kitchen where old Martha stood before her judge, +clutching the table with her hard hands, trembling in every limb, her +eyelids swollen out like puff-balls, and offensive from neglect, her +white curls making a border to her red turban, receiving her sentence +without a word. As a sheep before her shearers she was dumb, opening not +her mouth. Those wrinkled, old lips, from which I had heard few sounds, +save those of prayer and praise, were closed by a cruelty perfectly +incomprehensible in its unconscious debasement. Our hostess was a +leading member of the Fourth St. M.E. Church, the other feminine fiend a +Presbyterian. + +I promised the Lord then and there, that for life, it should be my work +to bring "deliverance to the captive, and the opening of the prison to +them that are bound," but all I could do for Martha, was to give her +such medical treatment as would restore her sight and save her from the +whipping-post, and this I did. + +While I lived on that dark and bloody ground, a man was beaten to death +in an open shed, on the corner of two public streets, where the sound of +the blows, the curses of his two tormentors, and his shrieks and +unavailing prayers for mercy were continued a whole forenoon, and sent +the complaining air shuddering to the ears of thousands, not one of whom +offered any help. + +A brown-haired girl, Maria, the educated, refined daughter of a Kentucky +farmer, was lashed by her brutal purchaser, once, and again and again +for chastity, where hundreds who heard the blows and shrieks knew the +cause. From that house she was taken to the work-house and scourged by +the public executioner, backed by the whole force of the United States +government. Oh! God! Can this nation ever, ever be forgiven for the +blood of her innocent children? + +Passing a crowded church on a Sabbath afternoon, I stepped in, when the +preacher was descanting on the power of religion, and, in illustration, +he told of two wicked young men in that state, who were drinking and +gambling on Sunday morning, when one said: + +"I can lick the religion out of any nigger." + +The other would bet one hundred dollars that he had a nigger out of whom +the religion could not be licked. The bet was taken and they adjourned +to a yard. This unique nigger was summoned, and proved to be a poor old +man. His master informed him he had a bet on him, and the other party +commanded him to "curse Jesus?" on pain of being flogged until he did. +The old saint dropped on his knees before his master, and plead for +mercy, saying: + +"Massa! Massa! I cannot curse Jesus! Jesus die for me! He die for you, +Massa. I no curse him; I no curse Jesus!" + +The master began to repent. In babyhood he had ridden on those old bowed +shoulders, then stalwart and firm, and he proposed to draw the bet, but +the other wanted sport and would win the money. Oh! the horrible details +that that preacher gave of that day's sport, of the lashings, and +faintings, and revivals, with washes of strong brine, the prayers for +mercy, and the recurring moan! + +"I no curse Jesus, Massa! I no curse Jesus; Jesus die for me, Massa; I +die for Jesus?" + +As the sun went down Jesus took him, and his merciful master had sold a +worthless nigger for one hundred dollars. But, the only point which the +preacher made, was that one in favor of religion. When it could so +support a nigger, what might it not do for one of the superior race? + +For months I saw every day a boy who could not have been more than ten +years old, but who seemed to be eight, and who wore an iron collar with +four projections, and a hoop or bail up over his head. This had been put +on him for the crime of running away; and was kept on to prevent a +repetition of that crime. The master, who thus secured his property, was +an Elder in the Second Presbyterian church, and led the choir. + +The principal Baptist preacher owned and hired out one hundred slaves; +took them himself to the public mart, and acted as auctioneer in +disposing of their services. The time at which this was done, was in the +Christmas holidays, or rather the last day of the year, when the slaves' +annual week of respite ended. + +A female member of the Fourth St. Methodist church was threatened with +discipline, for nailing her cook to the fence by the ear with a +ten-penny nail. The preacher in charge witnessed the punishment from a +back window of his residence. Hundreds of others witnessed it, called by +the shrieks of the victim; and his reverence protested, on the ground +that such scenes were calculated to injure the church. + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +KENTUCKY CONTEMPT FOR LABOR.--AGE, 23, 24. + +To a white woman in Louisville, work was a dire disgrace, and one +Sabbath four of us sat suffering from thirst, with the pump across the +street, when I learned that for me to go for a pitcher of water, would +be so great a disgrace to the house as to demand my instant expulsion. + +I grew tired doing nothing. My husband's business did not prosper, and I +went to a dressmaker and asked for work. She was a New England woman, +and after some shrewd questions, exclaimed: + +"My dear child, go home to your mother! What does your husband mean? +Does he not know you would be insulted at every step if you work for a +living? Go home--go home to your mother!" + +I was homesick, and the kindness of the voice and eyes made me cry. I +told her I could not leave my husband. + +"Then let him support you, or send you home until he can! I have seen +too many like you go to destruction here. Go home." + +I said that I could never go to destruction, but she interrupted me: + +"You know nothing about it. You are a mere baby. They all thought as you +do. Go home to your mother!" + +"But I never can go to destruction! No evil can befall me, for He that +keepeth Israel slumbers not nor sleeps." + +She concluded to give me work, but said: + +"I will send it by a servant. Don't you come here." + +I never thrust my anti-slavery opinions on any one, but every Southerner +inquired concerning them, and I gave true answers. There were many +boarders in the house, and one evening when there were eighteen men in +the parlor, these questions brought on a warm discussion, when one said: + +"You had better take care how you talk, or we will give you a coat of +tar and feathers." + +I agreed to accept such gratuitous suit, and a Mississippi planter, who +seemed to realize the situation, said gently: + +"Indeed, madam, it is not safe for you to talk as you do." + +"When reminded of constitutional guarantees for freedom of speech, and +his enjoyment of it in my native State, he replied: + +"There is no danger in Pennsylvania from freedom of speech, but if +people were allowed to talk as you do here, it would overthrow our +institutions." + +There were mobs in the air. The mayor closed a Sunday-school, on the +ground that in it slaves were taught to read. The teacher, a New England +woman, denied the charge, and claimed that only free children had been +taught, while slaves were orally instructed to obey their masters, as +good Presbyterians, who hoped to escape the worm that never dies. Her +defense failed, but seemed to establish the right of free colored people +to a knowledge of the alphabet, but there was no school for them, and I +thought to establish one. + +Jerry Wade, the Gault House barber, was a mulatto, who had bought +himself and family, and acquired considerable real estate. In the back +of one of his houses, lived his son with a wife and little daughter. We +rented the front, and mother sent me furniture. This was highly genteel, +for it gave us the appearance of owning slaves, and Olivia, young Wade's +wife, represented herself as my slave, to bring her and her child +security. As a free negro, she labored under many disadvantages, so +begged me to claim her. + +In this house I started my school, and there were no lack of pupils +whose parents were able and willing to pay for their tuition, but +ruffians stood before the house and hooted at the "nigger school." +Threatening letters were sent me, and Wade was notified that his house +would be burned or sacked, if he permitted its use for such purpose. In +one day my pupils were all withdrawn. + +After this, I began to make corsets. It was a joy to fit the superb +forms of Kentucky women, and my art-love found employment in it, but my +husband did not succeed, and went down the river. + +A man came to see if I could give work to his half-sister, for whose +support he could not fully provide. She was a Fitzhugh,--a first +Virginia family. Her father had died, leaving a bankrupt estate. She had +learned dressmaking, and had come with him to Louisville to find work, +but she was young and beautiful, and he dare not put her into a shop, +but thought I might protect her, so she came to live with me. + +One evening an old and wealthy citizen called about work I was doing for +his wife, became interested in me, as a stranger who had seen little of +Louisville, and tendered the use of his theatre-box and carriage to the +young lady and myself. I declined, with thanks. When he had taken leave, +Miss Fitzhugh sprang to her feet, and with burning cheeks and flashing +eyes, demanded to know if I knew that that man had insulted us both. I +did not know, but she did, and would tell Edward, who should cowhide him +publicly. I told her that if Edward attempted that, he would probably +lose his life, and we would certainly be dragged into a police court. +Even if we had been insulted, it only proved that the old man thought we +were like himself--that we were told in the Psalms that wicked men +thought God was like themselves, and did approve their sin, and he did +not have them cowhided. After a moment's reflection she sat down, +exclaiming: + +"Well, you are the strangest woman I ever did see!" + +We never again saw the man, and I hope the incident helped the honest +Edward in his loving task of protecting the fiery Fitzhugh. + +My husband's trip down the river was a failure, and he went back home. +Remembering he had heard me say I could do so much better at +corset-making if I could buy goods at wholesale, he sold his Wilkinsburg +property and turned the proceeds into dry goods. To me this seemed very +unwise, but I tried to make the best of it, and we took a business house +on Fourth street. I cut and fitted dresses, and with a tape-line could +take a measure from which I could make a perfect fit without trying on. +I soon had more work than I could do, and took two new girls, but the +goods were dead stock. My Husband was out of employment, and tried to +assist in my business. He was out most of the day, and in the evening +wanted to retire early. I was busy all day, and could not go out alone +after dark, so came to be a prisoner. + +One warm evening I was walking back and forth in front of our house, +though I knew it a great risk, when a man overtook me, cleared his +throat as if to speak, and passed on to the lamp-post, which had made +one limit of my walk. I did not shorten my path, and when I came up to +the post he again cleared his throat as if to speak, and next time +stepped out, lifted his hat, and remarked: + +"A very pleasant evening, Miss." + +I stopped, looked at him, and said: + +"It is a very pleasant evening; had you not better walk on and enjoy +it?" + +He bowed low, and answered: + +"I beg your pardon, madam. I was mistaken." + +"Pardon for what, sir? It _is_ a very pleasant evening; please to pass +on." + +He did, and I walked till I was tired, thinking of all the sacrifices I +had made to be my husband's housekeeper and keep myself in woman's +sphere, and here was the outcome! I was degrading him from his position +of bread-winner. If it was my duty to keep his house, it must be his to +find me a house to keep, and this life must end. I would go with him to +the poorest cabin, but he must be the head of the matrimonial firm. He +should not be my business assistant. I would not be captain with him for +lieutenant. How to extricate myself I did not see, but extricated I +would be. + +We needed a servant. A Kentucky "gentleman," full six feet three, with +broad shoulders and heavy black whiskers, came to say: "I have a woman I +can let you have! A good cook, good washah and ionah, fust rate +housekeepah! I'll let you have ah for two hundred dollahs a yeah; but +I'll tell you honest, you'll have to hosswhipah youahself about twice a +week, for that wife of youahs could nevah do anything with ah." + +While he talked I looked. His suit was of the finest black broadcloth, +satin vest, a pompous display of chain, seals, studs and rings, his +beaver on the back of his head, his thumbs in the arms of his vest, and +feet spread like the Collossus of Rhodes. + +This new use for Pennsylvania muscle seemed to strike my husband as +infinitely amusing, for he burst out laughing, and informed the +"gentleman" that he did not follow the profession of whipping women, +and must decline his offer. But I wanted to be back on free soil, out of +an atmosphere which killed all manhood, and furnished women-whippers as +a substitute for men. + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +REBELLION.--Age, 24. + +During the late spring and early summer, my letters from home spoke +often of mother's failing health, and in July one came from her saying +her disease had been pronounced cancer, and bidding me come to her. The +same mail brought a letter from Dr. Joseph Gazzam, telling me she was +certainly on her death-bed, and adding: "Let nothing prevent your +coming to your mother at once." + +I was hurt by this call. Was I such a monster that this old family +friend thought it necessary to urge me to go to my dying mother? Stunned +and stupified with grief, I packed my trunk. + +My husband came in at noon, and I handed him the letters. He read them +and expressed surprise and sorrow, and I told him to hurry to the wharf +and see when the first boat started. He thought I should not go until I +heard again. It might not be so bad. Then, after reflecting, said, why +go at all, if there was no hope? Of what use could I be? If there was +hope, he would agree to my going, but as there was none, he must object. +In fact, he did not see how I could think of leaving him with those +goods on his hands. How could I be so ready to drop all and not think of +the consequences, for what could he do with that stock of dry goods. My +mother pretended to be a Christian, but would take me away from my duty. +I, too, read the Bible, but paid little heed to its teachings. He +brought that book and read all of Paul's directions to wives, but rested +his case on Ephesians, v, 22: "Wives submit yourselves unto your own +husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife even as +Christ is head of the church; therefore, as the church is subject unto +Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." + +While he continued his comments, I buried my head in pillows, saying, +"Lord what wilt thou have me to do?" + +Milton epitomized Paul when he made Eve say to Adam, "Be God thy law, +thou mine;" but was that the mind and will of God? Had he transferred +his claim to the obedience of half the human family? Was every husband +God to his wife? Would wives appear in the general judgment at all, or +if they did, would they hand in a schedule of marital commands? + +If the passage meant anything it meant this: One might as well try to +be, and not to be, at the same time, as own allegiance to God and the +same allegiance to man. I was either God's subject or I was not. If I +was not, I owed him no obedience. Christ as head of the church was her +absolute lawgiver, and thus saith the Lord, was all she dare demand. Was +I to obey my husband in that way? If so, I had no business with the +moral law or any other law, save his commands. Christian England had +taken this view, and enacted that a wife should not be punished for any +crime committed by command, or in presence of her husband, "because, +being altogether subject to him, she had no will of her own;" but this +position was soon abandoned, and this passage stamped as spurious. Every +Christian church had so stamped it, for all encouraged wives to join +their communion with or without the consent of their husbands. Thousands +of female martyrs had sealed their testimony with their blood, opposing +the authority of their husbands, and had been honored by the church. As +for me, I must take that passage alone for my Bible, or expunge it. + +Then and there I cast it from me forever, as being no part of divine +law, and thus unconsciously took the first step in breaking through a +faith in plenary inspiration. + +I next turned to the book in general for guidance: "Wives, obey your +husbands;" "Children obey your parents;" "Honor thy father and thy +mother." What a labyrinth of irreconcilable contradictions! God, in +nature, spoke with no uncertain sound, "Go home to your mother," and my +choice was made while my husband talked. + +I said that if he did not see about a boat I would. When he told me that +he had a legal right to detain me, and would exercise it, I assured him +the attempt would be as dangerous as useless, for I was going to +Pittsburg. + +He went out, promising to engage my passage, but staid so long that I +went to the wharf, where respectable women were not seen alone, saw a +boat with a flag out for Pittsburg, engaged a berth, and so left +Louisville. + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH.--AGE, 24, 25. + +Mother was suffering when I reached her, as I had not dreamed of. After +a consultation, Drs. Gazzam and Fahnestock thought she could not live +more than four weeks; but Spear said she might linger three months. This +blanched the cheek of each one. Three months of such unremitting pain, +steadily on the increase, was appalling; but mother faced the prospect +without a murmur, willing to bear by God's grace what He should inflict, +and to wait His good time for deliverance. I was filled with +self-reproach, for I should have been with her months before. + +In a few days my mother-in-law and one of her daughters came to see how +long I proposed to stay, why I had left James with the goods, and when I +would go and take charge of them. They had had a letter from him, and he +was in great trouble. She was gentle and grave--inquired minutely about +our nursing, but thought it expensive--dwelt at length on the folly of +spending time and money in caring for the sick when recovery was +impossible. Mother could not see them, and they were offended, for they +proposed helping to take care of her, that I might return to my duty. + +Some time after the visit of my mother-in-law, her son-in-law--who was a +class-leader and a man of prominence in the community--came with solemn +aspect, took my hand, sighed, and said: + +"I heard you had left James with the goods." Here he sighed again, +wagged his head, and added: + +"But I couldn't believe it!" and without another word turned and walked +away. + +They chose to regard mother's illness as a personal grievance. "The way +of the transgressor is hard;" and she, having sinned against the saints, +must bear her iniquity, and thus suffer the just reward of her deeds. + +I had frequent letters from my husband, and he was waiting on the wharf, +watching every boat for my appearance. I told him before leaving +Louisville, that I never would return--never again would try to live in +a slave State, and advised him to sell the goods at auction, and with +the money start a sawmill up the Allegheny river, and I would go to him. +This advice he resented. At length he grew tired waiting, and came for +me. It is neither possible nor necessary here to describe the trouble +which ensued, but I would not nor did not leave mother, and she at last +remembered the protection to which she was entitled by the city +government. + +With all mother's courage, her moans were heartbreaking. No opiate then +known could bring one half-hour of any sleep in which they ceased, and +in her waking hours the burden of her woe found vent in a low refrain: + +"My Father! is it not enough?" + +Our principal care was to guard her from noise. The click of a knife or +spoon on a plate or cup in the adjoining room, sent a thrill of pain to +her nerve centres. Only two friends were gentle enough to aid Elizabeth +and me in nursing her, as she murmured, constantly: "If my husband were +only here!" + +She could bear no voice in reading save Gabriel Adams' and my own. I +read to her comforting passages of Scripture, and said prayers which +carried her soul up to the throne, and fell back on mine in showers of +dust and ashes. A great black atheism had fallen on me. There was no +justice on earth, no mercy in heaven. + +Her house was in Pittsburg, on Sixth street, a little cottage built for +her father and mother when they were alone. It stood back in a yard, and +rough men in passing stepped lightly--children went elsewhere with their +sports--friends tapped on the gate, and we went out to answer inquiries +and receive supplies--prayers were offered for her in churches, +societies and families. The house was a shrine consecrated by suffering +and sorrow. + +The third month passed, and still she lingered. For seven weeks she took +no nourishment but half a cup of milk, two parts water, per day. Then +her appetite returned and her agony increased, but still with no lament +save: "My Father! Is it not enough?" + +In the sixth month, January 17th, 1840, relief came. As I knelt for her +last words, she said: "Elizabeth?" + +I replied, "She is here, dear mother, what of her?" + +Summoning strength she said: + +"Let no one separate you!" then looked up and said, "It is enough," and +breathed no more. + +As her spirit rose, it broke the cloud, and the divine presence fell +upon me. The room, the world was full of peace. She had been caught up +out of the storm; and "he who endureth unto the end shall be saved." + +By her request, I and a dear friend, Martha Campbell, prepared her body +for burial, and we wrapped her in a linen winding-sheet, as the body of +Christ was buried--no flowers, no decorations; only stern, solemn Death. + +On the last day of father's life he had said to her, "Mary you are +human, and must have faults, but whatever they are I never have seen +them." + +She had been his widow seventeen years, and by her desire we opened his +grave and laid her body to mingle its dust with his, who had been her +only love in the life that now is, and with whom she expected to spend +an eternity. + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +"LABOR--SERVICE OR ACT."--AGE, 25. + +Mother's will left everything to trustees, for the use of Elizabeth and +myself. She had wished my husband to join her in a suit for the recovery +of father's city property, and he refused, but signed a deed with me +conveying my interest to her. This claim she also willed to her trustees +for my use. He felt himself wronged and became angry, but had one +remedy. Being the owner of my person and services, he had a right to +wages for the time spent in nursing mother, and would file his claim +against her executors. + +I do not know why I should have been so utterly overwhelmed by this +proposal to execute a law passed by Christian legislators for the +government of Christian people--a law which had never been questioned by +any nation, or state, or church, and was in full force all over the +world. Why should the discovery of its existence curdle my blood, stop +my heart-beats, and send a rush of burning shame from forehead to +finger-tip? Why should I have blushed that my husband was a law-abiding +citizen of the freest country in the world? Why blame him for acting in +harmony with the canons of every Christian church--aye, of that one of +which I was a member, and proud of its history as a bulwark of civil +liberty? Was it any fault of his that "all that she (the wife) can +acquire by her labor-service or act during coverture, belongs to her +husband?" Certainly not. Yet that law made me shrink and think of +mother's warning, given so long ago. But marriage was a life-contract, +and God required me to keep it to the end, and said, "When thou passeth +through the fire I will be with thee, and the floods shall not overflow +thee." I could not bear to have a bill sent to mother's executors for my +wages, but I could compromise, and I did. + +He returned to Louisville, sold the goods, went on a trading-boat, and +joined Samuel in Little Rock. While he was there Samuel died--died a +Presbyterian, and left this message for me: + +"Tell sister Jane I will meet her in heaven." + +This my husband transmitted to me, and was deeply grieved and much +softened by his brother's death. + +Rev. Isaiah Niblock, of Butler, Pa., a distant relative and very near +friend, asked me to take charge of the Butler Seminary and become his +guest. My salary would be twenty-five dollars a month, and this was +munificent. Elizabeth went to Pittsburg to school, and I to Butler, +where my success was complete and I very happy. Among my pupils were two +daughters of my old patron, Judge Braden. One of these, little Nannie, +was full of pleasant surprises, and "brought down the house" during +examination, by reciting a country girl's account of her presentation at +court, in which occurs this stanza: + + "And there the King and I were standing + Face and face together; + I said, 'How is your Majesty? + It's mighty pleasant weather!'" + +By Nannie's way of giving the lines, they were so fixed on my memory as +to be often mingled with solemn reveries in after years. + +Petitions were presented in the Pennsylvania Legislature for the +abolition of capital punishment. Senator Sullivan, chairman of the +committee to which they were referred, wrote to Mr. Niblock for the +scripture view. He was ill and requested me to answer, which I did, and +Mr. Sullivan drew liberally from my arguments in his report against +granting the petitions. The report was attacked, and I defended it in +several letters published in a Butler paper--anonymously--and this was +my first appearance in print, except a short letter published by George +D. Prentiss, in the Louisville _Journal_, of which I remember nothing, +save the strangeness of seeing my thoughts in print. + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +SWISSVALE.--AGE, 26, 27. + +In April, 1842, my husband took possession of the old home in the +valley, and we went there to live. There were large possibilities in the +old house, and we soon had a pleasant residence. I had the furniture +mother left me, and a small income from her estate. The farm I named +"Swissvale," and such is the name thereof. When the Pennsylvania +railroad was built it ran through it, but not in sight of the house, and +the station was called for the homestead. + +In the summer of '42 I began to write stories and rhymes, under the _nom +de plume_ of "Jennie Deans," for _The Dollar Newspaper_ and _Neal's +Saturday Gazette_, both of Philadelphia. Reece C. Fleeson published an +anti-slavery weekly in Pittsburg, _The Spirit of Liberty_, and for this +I wrote abolition articles and essays on woman's right to life, liberty, +and the pursuit of happiness. My productions were praised, and my +husband was provoked that I did not use my own name. If I were not +ashamed of my articles, why not sign them? He had not given up the idea +that I should preach. Indeed, he held me accountable for most of the +evils in the world, on the ground that I could overthrow them if I +would. + +Elizabeth was married in June, and went to Ohio. In the autumn, my +husband's mother and the boys came to live with us, to which I made no +objection, for "honor thy father and mother" was spoken as much to him +as to me. Maybe I had some spiritual pride in seeing that she turned +from her converted daughters, who were wealthy and lived near, to make a +home with unregenerate me. She liked my housekeeping, and "grandmother," +as I always called her, with her white 'kerchiefs and caps, sitting by +the fireplace plying her knitting-needles, became my special pride. + +My husband had converted the Louisville goods into one panther, one +deer, two bears, and a roll of "wildcat" money. It was not very good +stock with which to begin life on a farm, but the monotony was relieved +by a hooking, kicking cow, and a horse which broke wagons to splinters. + +Tom, the panther, was domiciled in the corner made by the old stone +chimney and the log wall of the house, close to the path which led to +the garden. The bears were chained in the meadow behind the house and +Billy, the deer, ranged at will. Tom and the bears ate pigs and poultry +so fast that we gave up trying to raise any, while Billy's visits to the +garden did not improve the vegetables. I tried to establish some control +over Tom, as a substitute for the fear he felt for his master, who was +not always within call, and who insisted that Tom could be tamed so as +to serve the place of a watchdog. Tom had been quite obedient for Tom, +and my terror for him had abated. + +I was interested in the heathen of India, and was president of a society +which met in Pittsburg. Coming home from a meeting, I was thrown out of +a buggy and so badly hurt that I was kept in bed six weeks. When I began +to go out on crutches, I started to go to the garden, and forgot Tom +until I heard him growl. He lay flat, with his nose on his paws, his +tail on the ground straight as a ramrod, save a few inches at the tip, +which wagged slowly, his eyes green and fiery, and I not three feet from +his head, and just in reach, even if his chain held; but I had seen it +break in one of those springs which he was now preparing to make. There +was no help near! He would spring for my head and shoulders. If these +were out of his way, he could not hold me by my dress which, was a thin +muslin wrapper. He was not likely to leap until something moved, and +might lie there sometime. I had heard that a panther will not jump under +the gaze of a human eye, so I looked steadily into his, while I talked +to him. + +"Tom! Tom! Down sir," and so tried to recall his knowledge of me. + +Fortunately my feet were a little in advance of my crutches, and while I +looked and talked, holding my body motionless, I was planting my +crutches and throwing my weight on my well foot. I heard the girl coming +out of the house and knew the time had come. With all my strength I +swung myself backward as he made the leap. His hot breath rushed into my +face, his fiery eyes glared close to mine, but his chain was too short. +Then I knew I had no mission for taming panthers. From the first I had +feared that he would kill some child, and it was impossible to prevent +them trooping to see him. After my own narrow escape I protested so +strongly against keeping him, that my husband consented to sell him to a +menagerie; but those which came were supplied with panthers, and, +although he was a splendid specimen, full nine feet long, no sale was +found for him. + +That adventure supplied memory with a picture, which for long years +breathed and never was absent. If it was not before me it was in some +corner, and I knew Tom was crouched to spring on me; his fiery eyes +glared, the tip of his tail wagged, and he was waiting, only waiting for +me to move. Often when I woke at night, he was on my bed or in a corner +of the room. He was hidden in fence corners and behind bushes on the +roadside, and Mary's little lamb was never half so faithful as my +phantom panther. + +My husband could not understand the fear I felt, nor realize the danger +of keeping him. He enjoyed his own mastery over him, and with a box on +the side of the head he made Tom whine and crouch like a spaniel. I have +often wondered that in all the accounts I have ever read of lights with +wild animals, no one ever planted a good fist-blow under the ear of his +four-legged antagonist, and so stretch it out stiff to await his +leisure in disposing of it. + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +WILLOWS BY THE WATER-COURSES.--AGE, 27. + +Pennsylvania customs made it unmanly for a man or boy to aid any woman, +even mother or wife, in any hard work with which farms abounded at that +time. Dairy work, candle and sausage making were done by women, and any +innovation was met with sneers. I stubbornly refused to yield altogether +to a time-honored code, which required women to perform outdoor +drudgery, often while men sat in the house, and soon had the sympathy of +our own boys; for it was often impossible to obtain any domestic help, +though Pittsburg "charitable" people supported hundreds of women in +idleness who might have had homes and wages in farmhouses. + +Much of the natural beauty of Swissvale had been destroyed by pioneer +improvements, which I sought in some degree to replace. I loved the +woods, and with my little grubbing-hoe transplanted many wild and +beautiful things. This my mother-in-law did not approve, as her love for +the beautiful was satisfied by a flower border in the garden. One day +she said: + +"James, I would not have that willow in that corner. The roots will get +into the race. It is the real basket willow, and if you cut it into +stubs and stick them in the swamp, you can sell enough willow to buy all +your baskets." + +I replied: + +"Grandmother, you forget that is my tree; I want it to drape that bare +knoll. The roots will run below the bed of the race. The boys can get +plenty of stubs at Flemming's." + +She only replied by a "humph!" and next day I discovered my tree had +been sawed into pieces and planted in the swamp. Words would not restore +it, and I wasted none; but next morning rose early, and, hatchet in +hand, went to the parent tree, climbed on a fence and cut off a limb, +which I dragged home, feeling glad that anything had brought me a walk +on such a glorious morning. I planted the main stock in that corner, +then put about a hundred twigs in the swamp for basket willow. In a few +days my second tree disappeared, and I brought another, for a tree there +was indispensable, and I hoped to make my husband see as I did, and +thought I had won his consent to willows. So I went up and down the race +and runs, putting in twigs, and thinking of the "willows by the +watercourses," and Israel's lament: + + "By Babel's streams we sat and wept + When Zion we thought on, + In midst thereof we hanged our harps + The willow trees upon." + +I was banished from my Zion, never permitted to hear the teachings of my +old pastor, for which my soul panted as the thirsty hart for the water +brooks, and in my Babylon I wanted willows. Some of my plantings were +permitted to remain, and Swissvale is now noted for its magnificent +willows; but that main tree was chopped up and burned. In its stead I +planted a young chestnut, where it still stands, a thing of beauty and +joy to the boys. + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +THE WATERS GROW DEEP.--AGE, 29. + +The plans for my conversion seemed to be aided by our coming to the +farm, as I fitted up the "prophet's chamber" to entertain my husband's +friends in his house. There were two preachers in the circuit. The +eldest, a plain, blunt man, began on his first visit to pelt me with +problems about "man-made ministers" and Calvinism. I replied by citing +the election of Abraham, Jacob, and the entire Jewish nation, and by +quoting the 8th chapter of Romans, until he seemed to despair and came +no more, for they could not accept my hospitality while I refused their +religion. The other circuit rider was young, handsome and zealous, and +was doing a great work in converting young girls. On his first visit I +thought him rude. On his second, he inquired at table: + +"Is this the place where they put onions into everything?" + +I replied that we used none in tea or coffee. When I joined him and my +husband in the parlor, he waved his hand around the room to point out +its decorations and said: + +"Brother James tells me that this is all your work. It is quite +wonderful, and now, sister, what a pity it is that you will not turn +your attention to religion. You seem to do everything so well." + +He motioned as if to lay his hand on my shoulder. I drew back and said: + +"Excuse me, sir, but I am not your sister; and as for your religion you +remind me with it of Doctor Jaynes and his hair tonic." + +"How so, sister?" + +"Again pardon, but I am not your sister. Doctor Jaynes uses a large part +of his column to persuade us that it is good to have good hair. No one +disputes that, and he should prove that his tonic will bring good hair. +So you talk of the importance of religion. No one disputes this, and it +is your business to prove that the nostrum you peddle is religion. I say +it is not. It is a system of will worship. Religion is obedience to +God's law. You teach people that they can, and do, obey this law +perfectly, while they do not know it. Your church has no bibles in her +pews, few in her families, and these unread. Preachers and all, not one +in twenty can repeat the ten commandments. You are blind leaders of the +blind, and must all fall into the ditch, destroyed for lack of +knowledge!" + +That week he proposed to abandon the Swissvale meeting-house, and build +one in Wilkinsburg, giving as a reason the impossibility of keeping up +a congregation with me on the farm. + +Next Conference sent Rev. Henderson as presiding elder, who brought in a +new era. He slept in the "prophet's chamber," admired my pretty rooms, +and said nothing about my getting religion. The circuit preacher was of +the same mind, an earnest, modest, young man, wrestling with English +grammar, who on his first visit sought my help about adverbs, while my +mother-in-law looked on in evident displeasure. + +To her this was the dawn of that new day, in which the Methodist church +rivals all others in her institutions of learning. The good time of +inspiration was slipping away. What wonder that she clutched it as Jacob +did his angel? There in that house she had for long years been an oracle +to inspired men, and now to see God's Spirit displaced by Kirkham's +grammar was rank infidelity. The Wilkinsburg meeting-house was being +built, and that one which had been to her all that the temple ever was +to Solomon, would be left to the owls and bats--her Zion desolate. Those +walls, made sacred by visions of glory and shouts of triumph, would +crumble to ruin in the clinging silence. How could she but think that +the influence was evil which could bring such result? + +The new building was consecrated with much ceremony. The two Hendersons +staid with, us, and on Sabbath morning consulted me as to the best way +of taking up subscriptions. Mother-in-law looked on till she could bear +it no longer, and said: + +"Brother Henderson, if you mean to be in time for love feast, you must +not stay fooling there." + +Both men sprang to their feet, hurried away and never returned. + +General Conference at its session in Baltimore, in 1840, passed the +"Black Gag" law, which forbade colored members of the church to give +testimony in church-trials against white members, in any state where +they were forbidden to testily in courts. Four members of the Pittsburg +Conference voted for it, and when my husband returned from the +dedication, I learned that three of them had figured prominently in the +exercises, and he had refused to commune on account of their +ministrations. + +Everything went smoothly for ten days, when my husband came to our room, +where I sat writing, threw himself on the bed and poured out such a +torrent of accusations as I had not dreamed possible, and of which I +refrain from giving any adequate description. I looked up and saw that +he was livid with rage. His words appeared the ravings of a mad man, yet +there was method in them, and no crime in the calendar with which they +did not charge me. Butter money was not accounted for, pickles and +preserves missing, things about the house were going to destruction, the +country was full of falsehoods and I had told them all. It was all a +blur of sound and fury, but in it stood out these words: + +"You ruined Samuel, and now you are trying to ruin the boys and those +two fool preachers. People know it, too, and I am ashamed to show my +face for the talk." + +When he seemed to have finished, I asked: + +"How long since you learned my real character?" + +This spurred him to new wrath, and he exclaimed: + +"There now, that's the next of it. You will go and tell that I've abused +you. It's not me. I never suspected your honesty, but my mother, yes, my +poor old mother. I would not care, if you could only behave yourself +before my mother!" + +I sat leaning my elbows on my table with my head in my hands, and the +words "ruined Samuel" became a refrain. I thought of the danger out of +which I had plucked him while in Louisville, of the force with which I +had grappled him with hooks of steel, as he hung on the outer edge of +that precipice of dissipation, while I clung to the Almighty Arm for +help. I thought of the tears and solemnity with which this man had given +to me the dying message of that rescued brother. Earth seemed to be +passing away, and to leave no standing room. I was teaching school in +the abandoned meeting-house. It was noon recess and I must hurry or be +late. I passed into the hall and out of the house, with the thought "I +cross his threshold now for the last time;" but I must remain near and +finish my school, when I would be present to meet those monstrous +charges before the world. My reveries did not interfere with my school +duties, and when they were over I sat in the old meeting-house or walked +its one aisle, with the quiet dead lying all around me, thinking of that +good fight which I should fight, ere I finished my course, and lay down +to rest as they did. But the sun went down, the long twilight drew on +the coming night, and I was homeless. Where should I go? + +I thought of the Burkhammers, whose little son lay among the dead beside +me. I had tended him in his last illness and prepared his body for +burial. They were German tenants of Judge Wilkins and to reach their +house I must pass through the dark valley over which now lay a new pall. +There were lights in the house as I passed, and Tom rattled his chain +and gave forth one of those shrieks which pierced the air for a mile. I +was glad to know that he was not loose, and that it was only my phantom +which crouched in every available place, ready to spring. The bears +bellowed a response to his shriek, but I did not hasten. The stream, so +loud and angry on that night of my first entrance into this vale of +tears, was now low, and sang a lullaby of angelic music as I crossed it +on stepping stones. On the hillside it was almost as dark as that night +when Father Olever stopped and felt for the bank with his whip. + +The Burkhammers asked no questions, and I went to sleep without giving +any account of my strange visit, but about midnight I awoke myself and +the whole family by my sobs. They gathered around my bed, and I must +tell. What I said I do not know, but the old man interrupted me with: + +"Oh tamm Jim. You stay here mit us. My old woman und me, we has blenty. +We dakes care of you. Nopody never said nodding bad about you. Everypody +likes you, caus you is bleasant mit everypody." + +As he talked he drew his sleeve across his eyes, while his wife and +daughter comforted me. I would board there and finish my school, then go +to Butler and take the seminary, or a place in the common school. + +I saw no one as I passed my late home next morning. In school the first +exercise was bible, reading verse about with the pupils. The xxv (25) +chapter of Matthew came in order, and while reading its account of the +final judgment, I saw as by a revelation why this trouble had been sent +to me, and a great flood of light seemed thrown across my path before +me. + +Christ's little ones were sick and in prison, and I had not visited +them! Old Martha, standing before her judges, rose up to upbraid me! I +was to have followed the Lamb, and had been making butter to add to an +estate larger now than the owner could use. No wonder she thought I +stole the money. I, who had failed to rebuke man-stealing, might steal +anything. That meeting-house which I had been helping to build by +entertaining its builders and aiding them about subscriptions, it and +they were a part of a great man-thieving machine. I had been false to +every principle of justice; had been decorating parlors when I should +have been tearing down prisons! _I_, helping Black Gagites build a +church! + + "When thou a thief didst see + Thou join'st with him in sin."' + +Thinking, reaching out for the path to that bastile which I must attack, +I went on with my school duties until my husband walked in and asked why +I had not been at home. I was worn with intense strain, and at the word +home, burst into a passion of tears. I told the pupils to take their +books, and leave, there would be no more school, and I could hear them +go around on tip-toe and whisper. Twice a pair of little arms were +thrown around me, and the sound of the retreating footsteps died away +when my husband laid his hand all trembling on my head. I threw it off +and begged him to go away, his presence would kill me. He would not go, +and I went out into the woods. He followed, and said he had never +charged me with an evil thought, much less an action, was the most +loving of husbands and the most injured in that I had thought he had +found fault with me. He might have spoken a hasty word, but was it right +to lay it up against him? I still begged him to leave--that I should +die if he did not. He went, and I crossed the fields to the house of +Thomas Dickson, thinking that from it I could get to the city by the +river road and fly any where. + +Mrs. Dickson made me go to bed, as I was able to go no where else, and +here my husband's brother-in-law found me. He had come as peace-maker, +and could not think what it all meant; some angry words of James about +his mother, who would now go back to live with him. The Dicksons joined +him with entreaties. If my husband had injured me, he was very, very +sorry, was quite overwhelmed with grief for the pain he had cost me. +Then they brought down the lever of scripture and conscience: "If thy +brother offend thee seventy times seven," and I yielded. + +My husband came and I went home with him that evening, expecting that my +mother-in-law was installed in her new home on the hill; but she met and +kissed me at the door, and I did not care. Nothing could add to the +shudder of going into the house, and she seemed so grieved and +frightened that my heart was touched, and I was sorry for her that we +had ever met. + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +MY NAME APPEARS IN PRINT.--AGE, 29. + +It was the third morning after my return, that my head would not leave +the pillow. Dr. Carothers came and blistered me from head to feet, and +for three weeks I saw no one but my attendants and my phantom panther. +He never left me. There was one corner of the room in which he stayed +most, and sometimes there was not room for his tail to wag, and then he +moved forward where I could not see his head. This troubled me, for then +I could not hold him with my eyes. At night they were two balls of green +fire; but they had always been, only when I was well I could turn my +head away, now I could not move it. I knew most of the time it was a +shadow from my brain, but was glad to hear Tom's chain rattle and feel +sure it was not his very self. + +They nursed me carefully, and I lay thinking of the "little ones sick +and in prison." Old Martha came and plead with me. I saw Liza and Maria +under the lash for the crime of chastity, and myself the accomplice of +their brutal masters. I pictured one of them a member of the M.E. +Church, appealing to that church for redress and spurned under the +"Black Gag," and I? why I had been helping men who voted for it to build +a meeting-house! What was Peter's denial compared to mine? + +The case arranged itself in my mind. I had writing materials brought, +and there, with my head fast on the pillow, I wrote a hexameter rhyme +half a column long, arraigning by name those Black Gag preachers, +painting the scene, and holding them responsible. I signed my initials, +and sent it to Mr. Fleeson, with a note telling him to give my name if +it was inquired for. + +Our "Spirit" did not come that week; but soon my husband came to my room +with a copy of "The Pittsburg Gazette," in which was an editorial and +letter full of pious horror and denunciation of that article, and +giving my name as the author; so that we knew Mr. Fleeson had published +the name in full. This was my first appearance in print over my own +signature, and while I was shocked, my husband was delighted, even +though he knew a libel suit was threatened. I soon went to Pittsburg, +saw William Elder and John A. Wills, the only anti-slavery lawyers in +the city. They said the article was actionable, for it had brought those +men into contempt. Elder added: "They are badly hurt, or they would not +cry out so loud." + +Both tendered their gratuitous services for my defense. In a civil suit +we could prove the truth of the charge, and they could get nothing, for +my husband owned no property--everything belonged to his mother--and my +trustees could not be held for my misdeeds. Their action would doubtless +be criminal, and I would probably be imprisoned. I went home and wrote a +reply to the _Gazette_, which it refused to publish, but it appeared in +the _Spirit_. I reiterated, urged and intensified my charges against +these false priests, until they were dumb about their injuries and libel +suit, but of that original article I never could get a copy. Every one +had been sold and resold, and read to rags, before I knew it was in +print. + +I continued to write for the "Spirit," but still there did not seem to +be anything I could do for the slave. As soon as I was able to be about +the house, I fell into my old round of drudgery, but with hope and pride +shut out of it. Once my burden pressed so that I could not sleep, and +rose at early dawn, and sat looking over the meadow, seeing nothing but +a dense, white fog. I leaned back, closed my eyes and thought how like +it was to my own life. When I looked again, oh, the vision of glory +which, met my sight! + +The rising sun had sent, through an opening in the woods, a shaft of +light, which centred on a hickory tree that stood alone in the meadow, +and was then in the perfection of its golden autumn glory. It dripped +with moisture, blazed and shimmered. The high lights were diamond +tipped, and between them and the deepest shadow was every tint of orange +and yellow, mingled and blended in those inimitable lines of natural +foliage. Over it, through it, and around it, rolled the white fog, in +great masses, caressing the earth and hanging from the zenith, like the +veil of the temple of the Most High. All around lay the dark woods, +framing in the vision like serried ranks encompassing a throne, to which +great clouds rolled, then lifted and scudded away, like couriers coming +for orders and hastening to obey them. + +John's New Jerusalem never was so grand! No square corners and +forbidding walls. The gates were not made of several solid pearls, but +of millions of pearletts, strung on threads of love, offering no +barriers through which any soul might not pass. My Patmos had been +visited and I could dwell in it, work and wait; but I would live in it, +not lie in a tomb, and once more I took hold of life. + +I organized a society at which we read, had refreshments and +danced--yea, broke church rules and practiced promiscuous dancing minus +promiscuous kissing. Of course this was wicked. I roamed the woods, +brought wild flowers and planted them, set out berry bushes, and +collected a large variety of roses and lilies. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +MEXICAN WAR.--AGE, 30-32. + +James G. Birney was the presidential candidate of the "Liberty Party" in +1844, as he had been in '40. During the campaign I wrote under my +initials for _The Spirit of Liberty_, and exposing the weak part of an +argument soon came to be my recognized forte. For using my initials I +had two reasons--my dislike and dread of publicity and the fear of +embarrassing the Liberty Party with the sex question. Abolitionists were +men of sharp angles. Organizing them was like binding crooked sticks in +a bundle, and one of the questions which divided them was the right of +women to take any prominent part in public affairs. + +In that campaign, the great Whig argument against the election of Polk +was, that it would bring on a war with Mexico for the extension of +slavery, and when the war came, Whigs and Liberty Party men vied with +each other in their cry of "Our Country, right or wrong!" and rushed +into the army over every barrier set up by their late arguments. The +nation was seized by a military madness, and in the furore, the cause of +the slave went to the wall, and _The Spirit of Liberty_ was +discontinued. Its predecessor, _The Christian Witness_, had failed under +the successive management of William Burleigh, Dr. Elder, and Rev. +Edward Smith, three giants in those days, and there seemed no hope that +any anti-slavery paper could be supported in Pittsburg, while all +anti-slavery matter was carefully excluded from both religious and +secular press. It was a dark day for the slave, and it was difficult to +see hope for a brighter. To me, it seemed that all was lost, unless some +one were especially called to speak that truth, which alone could make +the people free, but certainly I could not be the messenger. + +For years there had ran through my head the words, "Open thy mouth for +the dumb, plead the cause of the poor and needy." The streams sang them, +the winds shrieked them, and now a trumpet sounded them, but the words +could not mean more than talking in private. I would not, could not, +believe they meant more, for the Bible in which I read them bid me be +silent. My husband wanted me to lecture as did Abbey Kelley, but I +thought this would surely be wrong. The church had silenced me so +effectuately, that even now all my sense of the great need of words +could not induce me to attempt it; but if I could "plead the cause" +through the press, I must write. Even this was dreadful, as I must use +my own name, for my articles would certainly be libelous. If I wrote at +all, I must throw myself headlong into the great political maelstrom, +and would of course be swallowed up like a fishing-boat in the great +Norway horror which decorated our school geographies; for no woman had +ever done such a thing, and I could never again hold up my head under +the burden of shame and disgrace which would be heaped upon me. But what +matter? I had no children to dishonor; all save one who had ever loved +me were dead, and she no longer needed me, and if the Lord wanted some +one to throw into that gulf, no one could be better spared than I. + +_The Pittsburg Commercial Journal_ was the leading Whig paper of western +Pennsylvania, Robert M. Riddle, its editor and proprietor. His mother +was a member of our church, and I thought somewhere in his veins must +stir anti-slavery blood. So I wrote a letter to the _Journal_, which +appeared with an editorial disclaimer, "but the fair writer should have +a hearing." This letter was followed by another, and they continued to +appear once or twice a week during several months. + +I do not remember whom I attacked first, but from first to last my +articles were as direct and personal as Nathan's reproof to David. Of +slavery in the abstract I knew nothing. There was no abstraction in +tying Martha to a whipping-post and scourging her for mourning the loss +of her children. The old Kentucky saint who bore the torture of lash and +brine all that bright Sabbath day, rather than "curse Jesus," knew +nothing of the abstraction of slavery, or the finespun theories of +politeness which covered the most revolting crimes with pretty words. +This great nation was engaged in the pusillanimous work of beating poor +little Mexico--a giant whipping a cripple. Every man who went to the +war, or induced others to go, I held as the principal in the whole list +of crimes of which slavery was the synonym. Each one seemed to stand +before me, his innermost soul laid bare, and his idiosyncrasy I was sure +to strike with sarcasm, ridicule solemn denunciations, old truths from +Bible and history and the opinions of good men. I had a reckless +abandon, for had I not thrown myself into the breach to die there, and +would I not sell my life at its full value? + +My style I caught from my crude, rural surroundings, and was familiar to +the unlearned, and I was not surprised to find the letters eagerly read. +The _Journal_ announced them the day before publication, the newsboys +cried them, and papers called attention to them, some by daring to +indorse, but more by abusing Mr. Riddle for publishing such unpatriotic +and "incendiary rant." In quoting the strong points, a venal press was +constrained to "scatter the living coals of truth." The name was held to +be a _nom de plume_, for in print it looked so unlike the common +pronunciation of that of one of the oldest families in the county that +it was not recognized. Moreover, it must be a disguise adopted by some +man. Wiseacres, said one of the county judges. No western Pennsylvania +woman had ever broken out of woman's sphere. All lived in the very +centre of that sacred enclosure, making fires by which, husbands, +brothers and sons sat reading the news; each one knowing that she had a +soul, because the preacher who made his bread and butter by saving it +had been careful to inform her of its existence as preliminary to her +knowledge of the indispensable nature of his services. + +But the men whom I ridiculed and attacked knew the hand which, held the +mirror up to nature, and also knew they had a legal remedy, and that to +their fines and imprisonment I was as indifferent as to their opinions. +One of these, Hon. Gabriel Adams, had taken me by the hand at father's +funeral, led me to a stranger and introduced me as: + +"The child I told you of, but eight years old, her father's nurse and +comforter." + +He had smoothed my hair and told me not to cry; God would bless me for +being a good child. He was a member of the session when I joined church; +his voice in prayer had soothed mother's hard journey through the dark +valley; and now, as mayor of the city, had ordered its illumination in +honor of the battle of Buena Vista, and this, too, on Saturday evening, +when the unholy glorification extended into the Sabbath. Measured by the +standards of his profession as an elder in the church, whose highest +judicatory had pronounced slavery and Christianity incompatible; no one +was more valuable than he, and of none was I so unsparing, yet as I +wrote, the letter was blistered with tears; but his oft repeated comment +was: + +"Jane is right," and he went out of his way to take my hand and say, +"You were right." + +Samuel Black, a son of my pastor, dropped his place as leader of the +Pittsburg bar and rushed to the war. My comments were thought severe, +even for me, yet the first intimation I had that I had not been cast +aside as a monster, came from his sister, who sent me a message that her +father, her husband and herself, approved my criticism. Samuel returned +with a colonel's commission, and one day I was about to pass him without +recognition, where he stood on the pavement talking to two other +lawyers, when he stepped before me and held out his hand. I drew back, +and he said: "Is it possible you will not take my hand?" + +I looked at it, then into his manly, handsome face, and answered: + +"There is blood on it; the blood of women and children slain at their +own altars, on their own hearthstones, that you might spread the +glorious American institution of woman-whipping and baby-stealing." + +"Oh," he exclaimed, "This is too bad! I swear to you I never killed a +woman or a child." + +"Then you did not fight in Mexico, did not help to bombard Buena Vista." + +His friends joined him, and insisted that I did the Colonel great wrong, +when he looked squarely into my face and, holding out his hand, said: + +"For sake of the old church, for sake of the old man, for sake of the +old times, give me your hand." + +I laid it in his, and hurried away, unable to speak, for he was the most +eloquent man in Pennsylvania. He fell at last at the head of his +regiment, while fighting in the battle of Fair Oaks, for that freedom he +had betrayed in Mexico. + +When Kossuth was on his starring tour in this country, he used to create +wild enthusiasm by "Your own late glorious struggle with Mexico;" but +when he reached that climax in his Pittsburg speech a dead silence fell +upon the vast, cheering audience. + +The social ostracism I had expected when I stepped into the political +arena, proved to be Bunyan lions. Instead of shame there came such a +crop of glory that I thought of pulling down my barns and building +greater, that I might have where to store my new goods. Among the press +notices copied by the _Journal_ was this: + +"The _Pittsburg Commercial Journal_ has a new contributor who signs her +name 'Jane G. Swisshelm,' dips her pen in liquid gold, and sands her +paper with the down from butterflies' wings." + +This troubled me, because it seemed as though I had been working for +praise; still the pretty compliment gratified me. + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +TRAINING SCHOOL. + +Paul fought with beasts at Ephesus, as a part of his training for that +"good fight" with principalities and powers and iniquity in high places, +and I think that Tom and the bears helped to prepare me for a long +conflict with the southern tiger. I had early come to think that Tom +would kill some of the children who trooped to see him, and that I +should be responsible as I alone saw the danger. This danger I sought to +avert, but how to dispose of the beautiful creature I could not +conjecture. There was usually a loaded gun in the house, but I was +almost as much afraid of it as of Tom. All our neighbors were delighted +with him and loath to have him killed. I had once tried to poison a cat +but failed, and I would not torture Tom. I wanted Dr. Palmer to give me +a dose for him, but he declined. I tried in vain to get some one to +shoot him. Then I thought of striking the great beast on the head with a +hatchet, while he had hold of some domestic animal. The plan seemed +feasible, but I kept my own council and my hatchet, and practiced with +it until I could hit a mark, and thought I could bury the sharp blade +in Tom's skull. + +One day, all the men were in the meadow making hay, and I alone getting +dinner. John McKelvey came with his great dog, Watch. He went up into +the meadow, and Watch staid in the kitchen. I started to go to the +garden for parsley, and found Tom crouched to spring on a cow. He made +the leap, came short of the cow, which ran away bellowing with terror, +and Tom had but touched the ground when Watch sprang upon him. It was a +sight for an amphitheatre. The two great creatures rolled in a struggle, +which I knew must be fatal to Watch, but thought he could engage Tom's +attention until I got my hatchet. I ran back for it, took the +dinner-horn and blew a blast that would bring one man, and I did not +want a thousand. Then I ran back to the scene of conflict, horn in one +hand, hatchet in the other, and lo! no conflict was there. No Tom! no +dog! nothing but the torn and bloody ground. Horror of horrors, there +was a broken chain! Tom loose! Tom free! Now some one would be murdered. +I turned to look, and there on a log not a rod from me, he stood with +head erect and tail drooping, his white throat, jaws and broken chain +dripping with blood, and with my first thankfulness that he had not +escaped, came admiration for the splendid sight: the bold, sweeping +curves and graceful motion as he turned his head to listen. Then I +learned panthers went by sound, not scent. I blew another blast on the +horn and went toward him, for I must not lose sight of him. If he +attacked me, could I defend myself with the hatchet? When they found me +I would be horrible to look upon, and it would kill Elizabeth. Will my +peas burn? The flies will get into that pitcher of cream. If I am +killed, they will forget to put parsley in the soup. Tom changed his +weight from one fore-claw to the other, and gnashed his teeth. "Here, +the king and I are standing face and face together; King Tom, how is +your majesty, it's mighty pleasant weather." + +So ran my thoughts in the intense strain of that waiting. It must be +full ten minutes before Tom's master could get to the house after that +first blast, and if he did not hear that, must be too late; but Tom kept +his place and my husband rushed by me, carrying the pitchfork with which +he had been at work, and I saw no more until Tom was in his cage. Watch +had dragged himself to his master's feet to die, and I went into the +house and finished getting dinner, more than ever afraid of Tom and more +than ever at a loss to know how to get rid of him. Yet he still lived +and rattled his chain by the garden path, but it was a year before our +next adventure. + +One summer morning at sunrise I was shocked out of sleep by shrieks and +shouts and scurrying feet. I sprang out of bed and rushed into the hall +in time to see Tom dash out of it into the dining-room, mother-in-law +and the girl disappearing up stairs and the two hired men through the +barn door. My husband soon followed Tom, who had taken refuge under a +large heavy falling-leaf table, and seemed inclined to stay there. This +time his collar was broken and feeling the advantage he paid no heed to +the hand or voice of his quandom master. He would not move, but growled +defiance, and the table protected him from a blow under the ear, so his +late master became utterly nonplussed. If the cage were there, the great +beast would probably go into it, but how get it there? The wealth of +India would not have induced one of those men to come out of that barn, +or one of those women to come down those stairs. + +Something must be done, and I proposed to hold Tom while my husband +brought the cage. He hesitated. I was not in good fighting trim, for my +hair which was long and heavy had fallen loose, but preparation could +avail nothing. The only hope lay in perfect coolness and a steady gaze. +I knelt and took hold of Tom by the back of the neck, talked to him and +thought that cage was long in coming. He shifted his weight and seemed +about to get up. This meant escape, and I held him hard, commanding him +to "lie down, sir." He blinked at me, seemed quite indifferent and +altogether comfortable. By and by, the man who had ceased to be master +returned without the cage, utterly demoralized; and was here without a +weapon, without a plan. I resigned my place and told him I would bring a +rope. This I intended to do, and also my hatchet. + +I had but gotten half way to the front door when there was a scuffle, +the loud voice of my husband, shrieks up stairs, rattling of furniture +and crashing of glass, and when I got back to the room I saw the tip of +Tom's tail disappearing. He had gone through the window and taken the +sash with him. He ran into his cage, and that was his last taste of +liberty; but he lived a year after, chained in a corn crib. Every +evening in the gloaming he would pace back and forth, raise his kingly +head, utter his piercing shriek, then stop and hark for a response; walk +again, shriek and listen, while the bears would bellow an answer. + +The bears, too, were often exciting and interesting. Once I rescued a +toddling child when running towards "big bear," and not more than two +feet from where he stood waiting with hungry eyes. At another time, they +both broke loose, on a bitter cold day when I was alone in the house. I +defended myself with fire, meeting them at every door and window with a +hickory brand. I wondered as they went round and round the house, if +they would stop in the chimney corner, and make the acquaintance of Tom; +but they took no notice of him, and after they had eaten several buckets +of porridge, they concluded there was nothing in the house they wanted, +so became good natured and went and climbed a tree. + +Such schoolmasters must have imparted a flavor of savagery to my Mexican +war letters, which attracted readers as they did visitors. + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +RIGHTS OF MARRIED WOMEN. + +After mother's death, I prosecuted to a successful issue a suit for the +recovery of the house in which I was born. It stood on Water street, +near Market, and our lawyer, Walter Lowrie, afterwards supreme judge, +was to have given us possession of the property on the 1st of July, +1845, which would add eight hundred dollars a year to the income of my +sister and myself. But on the 10th of April, the great fire swept away +the building and left a lot bearing ground rent. Property rose and we +had a good offer for the lease. Every one was willing to sell, but the +purchasers concluded that both our husbands must sign the deed. To this +no objection was made, and we met, in William Shinn's office, when my +husband refused to sign unless my share of the purchase money were paid +to him. + +Mother's will was sacred to me. The money he proposed to put in +improvements on the Swissvale mills. These, in case of his death before +his mother, would go to his brothers. I had not even a dower right in +the estate, and already the proceeds of my labor and income from my +separate estate were put upon it. I refused to give him the money, and +on my way alone from the lawyer's office it occurred to me that all the +advances made by humanity had been through the pressure of injustice, +and that the screws had been turned on me that I might do something to +right the great wrong which forbade a married woman to own property. So, +instead of spending my strength quarreling with the hand, I would strike +for the heart of that great tyranny. + +I borrowed books from Judge Wilkins, took legal advice from Colonel +Black, studied the laws under which I lived, and began a series of +letters in the _Journal_ on the subject of a married woman's right to +hold property. I said nothing of my own affairs and confined myself to +general principles, until a man in East Liberty furnished me an +illustration, and with it I made the cheeks of men burn with anger and +shame. + +The case was that of a young German merchant who married the daughter of +a wealthy farmer. Her father gave her a handsome outfit in clothes and +furniture. She became ill soon after marriage, her sister took her place +as housekeeper and nursed her till she died, after bequeathing the +clothes and furniture to the sister; but the sorrowing husband held fast +to the property and proposed to turn it into money. The father wanted it +as souvenirs of his lost child, and tried to purchase of him, but the +husband raised the price until purchase was impossible, when he +advertised the goods for sale at vendue. The father was an old citizen, +highly respected, and so great contempt and indignation was felt, that +at the vendue no one would bid against him, so the husband's father came +forward and ran up the price of the articles. When her riding dress, hat +and whip were held up, there was a general cry of shame. The incident +came just in time for my purpose, so I turned every man's scorn against +himself, said to them: + +"Gentlemen, these are your laws! Your English ancestors made them! Your +fathers brought them across the water and planted them here, where they +flourish like a green bay tree. You robbed that wife of her right to +devise her own property--that husband is simply your agent." + +Lucretia Mott and Mary A. Grew, of Philadelphia, labored assiduously for +the same object, and in the session of '47 and '48, the legislature of +Pennsylvania secured to married women the right to hold property. + +Soon after the passage of the bill, William A. Stokes said to me: "We +hold you responsible for that law, and I tell you now, you will live to +rue the day when you opened such a Pandora's box in your native state, +and cast such an apple of discord into every family in it." + +His standing as a lawyer entitled his opinion to respect, and as he went +on to explain the impossibility of reconciling that statute with, the +general tenor of law and precedent, I was gravely apprehensive. The +public mind was not prepared for so great a change; there had been no +general demand for it; lawyers did not know what to do with it, and +judges shook their heads. Indeed, there was so much doubt and opposition +that I feared a repeal, until some months after Col. Kane came to me and +said: + +"There is a young lawyer from Steubenville named Stanton who would like +to be introduced to you." + +I was in a gracious mood and consented to receive the young lawyer named +Stanton. As he came into the room and advanced toward me, immediately I +felt myself in the presence of a master mind, of a soul born to command. +When introduced he gravely took my hand, and said: + +"I called to congratulate you upon the passage of your bill. It is a +change I have long desired to see." + +We sat and talked on the subject some time, and my fears vanished into +thin air. If this man had taken that law into favor it would surely +stand, and as he predicted be "improved and enlarged." I have never been +so forcibly impressed by any stranger. His compactness of body and soul, +the clear outlines of face and figure, the terseness of his sentences, +and firmness yet tenderness of his voice, were most striking; and as he +passed down the long room after taking leave my thought was: + +"Mr. Stanton you have started for some definite point in life, some high +goal, and you will reach it." + +This was prophetic, for he walked into the War Department of this nation +at a time when it is probable no other man in it, could have done the +work there which freedom demanded in her hour of peril, for this young +man was none other than Edwin M. Stanton, the Ajax of the great +Rebellion. + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +THE PITTSBURG SATURDAY VISITER. + +After the war, abolitionists began to gather their scattered forces and +wanted a Liberty Party organ. To meet this want, Charles P. Shiras +started the _Albatross_ in the fall of '47. He was the "Iron City Poet," +author of "Dimes and Dollars" and "Owe no Man a Dollar." He was of an +old and influential family, had considerable private fortune, was +courted and flattered, but laid himself and gifts on the altar of +Liberty. His paper was devoted to the cause of the slave and of the free +laborer, and started with bright prospects. He and Mr. Fleeson urged me +to become a regular contributor, but Mr. Riddle objected, and the +_Journal_ had five hundred readers for every one the _Albatross_ could +hope. In the one I reached the ninety and nine unconverted, while in the +other I must talk principally to those who were rooted and grounded in +the faith. So I continued my connection with the _Journal_ until I met +James McMasters, a prominent abolitionist, who said sorrowfully: "Well, +the last number of the _Albatross_ will be issued on Thursday." + +"Is it possible?" + +"Possible and true! That is the end of its first quarter, and Shiras +gives it up. In fact we all do. No use trying to support an abolition +paper here." + +While he spoke a thought struck me like a lightning flash, and he had +but finished speaking, when I replied: + +"I have a great notion to start a paper myself." + +He was surprised, but caught at the idea, and said: + +"I wish you would. You can make it go if anybody can, and we'll do all +we can to help you." + +I did not wait to reply, but hurried after my husband, who had passed +on, soon overtook and told him the fate of the _Albatross_. For this he +was sorry, for he always voted a straight abolition ticket. I repeated +to him what I had said to Mr. McMasters, when he said: + +"Nonsense!" then reflected a little, and added, "Well, I do not know +after all but it would be a good idea. Riddle makes lots of money out of +your letters." + +When we had talked about five minutes, he turned to attend to business +and I went to the _Journal_ office. I found Mr. Riddle in his sanctum, +and told him the _Albatross_ was dead; the Liberty Party without an +organ, and that I was going to start the _Pittsburg Saturday Visitor;_ +the first copy must be issued Saturday week, so that abolitionists would +not have time to be discouraged, and that I wanted him to print my +paper. + +He had pushed his chair back from his desk, and sat regarding me in +utter amazement while I stated the case, then said: + +"What do you mean? Are you insane? What does your husband say?" + +I said my husband approved, the matter was all arranged, I would use my +own estate, and if I lost it, it was nobody's affair. + +He begged me to take time to think, to send my husband to him, to +consult my friends. Told me my project was ruinous, that I would lose +every dollar I put into it, and begged, entreated me to take time; but +all to no purpose, when a bright idea came to him. + +"You would have to furnish a desk for yourself, you see there is but one +in this room, and there is no other place for you. You could not conduct +a paper and stay at home, but must spend a good deal of time here!" + +Then I suddenly saw the appalling prospect thus politely presented. I +had never heard of any woman save Mary Kingston working in an office. +Her father, a prominent lawyer, had employed her as his clerk, when his +office was in their dwelling, and the situation was remarkable and very +painful; and here was I, looking not more than twenty, proposing to come +into the office of the handsome stranger who sat bending over his desk +that he might not see me blush for the unwomanly intent. + +Mr. Riddle was esteemed one of the most elegant and polished gentlemen +in the city, with fine physique and fascinating manners. He was a man of +the world, and his prominence had caused his name to become the target +for many an evil report in the bitter personal conflicts of political +life. I looked the facts squarely in the face and thought: + +"I have been publicly asserting the right of woman to earn a living as +book-keepers, clerks, sales-women, and now shall I shrink for fear of a +danger any one must meet in doing as I advised? This is my Red Sea. It +can be no more terrible than the one which confronted Israel. Duty lies +on the other side, and I am going over! 'Speak unto the children of +Israel that they go forward.' The crimson waves of scandal, the white +foam of gossip, shall part before me and heap themselves up as walls on +either hand." + +So rapidly did this reflection pass through my mind, or so absorbed was +I with it, that there had been no awkward pause when I replied: + +"I will get a desk, shall be sorry to be in your way, but there is +plenty of room and I can be quiet." + +He seemed greatly relieved, and said cheerfully: + +"Oh yes, there is plenty of room, I can have my desk moved forward and +take down the shutters, when there will be plenty of light. Heretofore +you have been Jove thundering from a cloud, but if you will come down to +dwell with mortals we must make a place for you." + +Taking down the shutters meant exposing the whole interior of the room +to view, from a very public street; and after he had exhausted every +plea for time to get ready, he engaged to have the first copy of the +_Visiter_ printed on the day I had set. He objected to my way of +spelling the word, but finding I had Johnson for authority, would +arrange the heading to suit. I was in a state of exaltation all +forenoon, and when I met my husband at dinner, the reaction had set in, +and I proposed to countermand the order, when he said emphatically: + +"You will do no such thing. The campaign is coming, you have said you +will start a paper, and now if you do not, I will." + +The coming advent was announced, but I had no arrangements for securing +either advertisements or subscribers. Josiah King, now proprietor of the +_Pittsburg Gazette_ and James H. McClelland called at the _Journal_ +office and subscribed, and with these two supporters, the _Pittsburg +Saturday Visiter_, entered life. The mechanical difficulty of getting +out the first number proved to be so great that the forms were not on +the press at 3 P.M. By five the streets were so blocked by a waiting +crowd, that vehicles went around by other ways, and it was six o'clock, +Jan. 20th, 1848, when the first copy was sold at the counter. I was in +the editorial room all afternoon, correcting proof to the last moment, +and when there was nothing more I could do, was detained by the crowd +around the doors until it was after eleven. + +Editors and reporters were gathered in the sanctum, and Mr. Riddle stood +by his desk pointing out errors to some one who should have prevented +them, when I had my wraps on ready to start. Mr. Fleeson, then a clerk +on the _Journal_, stepped out, hat in hand, and bowing to the +proprietor, said: + +"Mr. Riddle, it is your privilege to see Mrs. Swisshelm to her lodgings, +but as you seem to decline, I hope you will commission me." + +Mr. Fleeson was a small man and Mr. Riddle had drawn himself to his full +height and stood looking down at him, saying: + +"I want it distinctly understood that Mrs. Swisshelm's relations in this +office are purely those of business. If she requires anything of any man +in it, she will command him and her orders shall be obeyed. She has not +ordered my attendance, but has kept her servant here all the evening to +see her to her friend's house, and this should be sufficient notice to +any gentleman that she does not want him." + +During the ten years we used the same editorial-room. Mr. Riddle was +often absent on the days I must be there, and always secured plenty of +light by setting away the shutters when I entered. He generally made it +necessary for me to go to his house and settle accounts, and never found +it convenient to offer his escort to any place unless accompanied by his +wife. + +The _Visiter_ was three years old when he turned one day, examined me +critically, and exclaimed: + +"Why do you wear those hideous caps? You seem to have good hair. Mrs. +Riddle says she knows you have, and she and some ladies were wondering +only yesterday, why you do make yourself such a fright." + +The offending cap was a net scarf tied under the chin, and I said, "You +know I am subject to quinsy, and this cap protects my tonsils." + +He turned away with a sigh, and did not suspect that my tonsils had no +such protection outside the office, where I must meet a great many +gentlemen and make it apparent that what I wanted of them was votes! +votes!! Votes for the women sold on the auction block, scourged for +chastity, robbed of their children, and that admiration was no part of +my object. + +Any attempt to aid business by any feminine attraction was to my mind +revolting in the extreme, and certain to bring final defeat. In nothing +has the church of Rome shown more wisdom than in the costume of her +female missionaries. When a woman starts out in the world on a mission, +secular or religious, she should leave her feminine charms at home. Had +I made capital of my prettiness, I should have closed the doors of +public employment to women for many a year, by the very means which now +makes them weak, underpaid competitors in the great workshop of the +world. + +One day Mr. Riddle said: + +"I wish you had been here yesterday. Robert Watson called. He wanted to +congratulate us on the relations we have for so long maintained. We have +never spoken of it, but you must have known the risk of coming here. He +has seen it, says he has watched you closely, and you are an exception +to all known law, or the harbinger of a new era in human progress." + +Robert Watson was a retired lawyer of large wealth, who watched the +world from his study, and philosophized about its doings; and when Mr. +Riddle had given me this conclusion, the subject was never again +referred to in our years of bargaining, buying and selling, paying and +receipting. + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +RECEPTION OF THE VISITER. + +While preparing matter for the first number of the _Visiter_, I had time +to think that so far as any organization was concerned, I stood alone. I +could not work with Garrison on the ground that the Constitution was +pro-slavery, for I had abandoned that in 1832, when our church split on +it and I went with the New School, who held that it was then +anti-slavery. The Covenanters, before it was adopted, denounced it as a +"Covenant with death and an agreement with hell." I had long ago become +familiar with the arguments on that side, and I concluded they were +fallacious, and could not go back to them even for a welcome into the +abolition ranks. + +The political action wing of the anti-slavery party had given formal +notice that no woman need apply for a place among them. True, there was +a large minority who dissented from this action, but there was division +enough, without my furnishing a cause for contention. So I took pains to +make it understood that I belonged to no party. I was fighting slavery +on the frontier plan of Indian warfare, where every man is +Captain-lieutenants, all the corporals and privates of his company. I +was like the Israelites in the days when there was no king, and "every +man did that which, was right in his own eyes." + +It seemed good unto me to support James G. Birney, for President, and to +promulgate the principles of the platform on which he stood in the last +election. This I would do, and no man had the right or power to stop +me. My paper was a six column weekly, with a small Roman letter head, my +motto, "Speak unto the children of Israel that they go forward," the +names of my candidates at the head of the editorial column and the +platform inserted as standing matter. + +It was quite an insignificant looking sheet, but no sooner did the +American eagle catch sight of it, than he swooned and fell off his +perch. Democratic roosters straightened out their necks and ran +screaming with terror. Whig coons scampered up trees and barked +furiously. The world was falling and every one had "heard it, saw it, +and felt it." + +It appeared that on some inauspicious morning each one of three-fourths +of the secular editors from Maine to Georgia had gone to his office +suspecting nothing, when from some corner of his exchange list there +sprang upon him such a horror as he had little thought to see. + +A woman had started a political paper! A woman! Could he believe his +eyes? A woman! Instantly he sprang to his feet and clutched his +pantaloons, shouted to the assistant editor, when he, too, read and +grasped frantically at his cassimeres, called to the reporters and +pressmen and typos and devils, who all rushed in, heard the news, seized +their nether garments and joined the general chorus, "My breeches! oh, +my breeches!" Here was a woman resolved to steal their pantaloons, their +trousers, and when these were gone they might cry "Ye have taken away my +gods, and what have I more?" The imminence of the peril called for +prompt action, and with one accord they shouted, "On to the breach, in +defense of our breeches! Repel the invader or fill the trenches with our +noble dead." + +"That woman shall not have _my_ pantaloons," cried the editor of the big +city daily; "nor my pantaloons" said the editor of the dignified weekly; +"nor my pantaloons," said he who issued manifestos but once a month; +"nor mine," "nor mine," "nor mine," chimed in the small fry of the +country towns. + +Even the religious press could not get past the tailor shop, and +"pantaloons" was the watchword all along the line. George D. Prentiss +took up the cry, and gave the world a two-third column leader on it, +stating explicitly, "She is a man all but the pantaloons." I wrote to +him asking a copy of the article, but received no answer, when I replied +in rhyme to suit his case: + + Perhaps you have been busy + Horsewhipping Sal or Lizzie, + Stealing some poor man's baby, + Selling its mother, may-be. + You say--and you are witty-- + That I--and, tis a pity-- + Of manhood lack but dress; + But you lack manliness, + A body clean and new, + A soul within it, too. + Nature must change her plan + Ere you can be a man. + +This turned the tide of battle. One editor said, "Brother George, beware +of sister Jane." Another, "Prentiss has found his match." He made no +reply, and it was not long until I thought the pantaloon argument was +dropped forever. + +There was, however, a bright side to the reception of the _Visiter_. +Horace Greeley gave it respectful recognition, so did N.P. Willis and +Gen. Morris in the _Home Journal_. Henry Peterson's _Saturday Evening +Post, Godey's Lady's Book_, Graham's and Sargeant's magazines, and the +anti-slavery papers, one and all, gave it pleasant greeting, while there +were other editors who did not, in view of this innovation, forget that +they were American gentlemen. + +There were some saucy notices from "John Smith," editor of _The Great +West_, a large literary sheet published in Cincinnati. After John and I +had pelted each other with paragraphs, a private letter told me that +she, who had then won a large reputation as John Smith, was Celia, who +afterwards became my very dear friend until the end of her lovely life, +and who died the widow of another dear friend, Wm. H. Burleigh. + +In the second number of the _Visiter_, James H. McClelland, as secretary +of the county convention, published its report and contributed an able +article, thus recognizing it as the much needed county organ of the +Liberty Party. + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +MY CROOKED TELESCOPE. + +In the autumn of 1847, Dr. Robert Mitchell, of Indiana, Pa., was tried +in Pittsburg, in the United States Court, before Judge Grier, for the +crime of harboring fugitive slaves. In an old cabin ten miles from +Indiana, on one of the doctor's farms, some colored men had taken refuge +and worked as harvest hands in the neighborhood. To it came the sheriff +at midnight with a posse, and after as desperate a resistance as unarmed +men could make, two were captured. On one of these was found a note: + + "Kill a sheep and give Jerry the half. + ROB'T MITCHELL." + +The name of the man who had the note was Jerry. It was addressed to a +farmer who kept sheep for the doctor, so it was conclusive evidence of +the act charged, and the only defense possible was want of knowledge. +There was no proof that Dr. Mitchell knew Jerry to be a slave, none, +surely, that he knew him to be the property of plaintiff, who was bound +to give notice of ownership before he could be entitled to damages from +defendant. + +This defense Judge Grier overruled, by deciding that no notice was +required, the law presumed a guilty knowledge on the part of defendant. + +Under this ruling Dr. Mitchell was fined $5,000 and the costs, which +were $5,000 additional. His homestead and a magnificent tract of pine +land lying on the northern slope of the Alleghenies, were sold by the +sheriff of Indiana county to pay the penalty of this act of Christian +charity; but the Dr. said earnestly, "I'll do it again, if they take +every dollar I have." + +This ruling was alarming, for under it, it was unsafe either to sell or +give food or lodging to a stranger. The alarm was general, and even +pro-slavery men regretted that this necessary act of justice should fall +so heavily on so good and gentle a man. There was much unfavorable +comment, but all in private, for the Pittsburg press quailed before +Judge Grier, and libel laws were the weapon with which he most loved to +defend the dignity of the bench. One editor he had kept in jail three +months and ruined his business. Col. Hiram Kane was a brilliant writer, +a poet and pungent paragraphist, and had at one time criticised some of +Judge Grier's decisions, when by a libel suit the Judge had broken up +his business and kept him in jail eighteen months. Public sentiment was +on Kane's side, and he had an ovation on his release, when he became +city editor of the _Journal_. + +There was disappointment that I had not criticised Judge Grier's course +in the first number of the _Visiter_, but this was part of my plan. In +the second number I stated that there had been for a long time a great +legal luminary visible in the Pennsylvania heavens, which had suddenly +disappeared. I had been searching for him for several weeks with the +best telescopes in the city, and had about given him up as a lost star, +when I bethought me of Paddy, who had heated his gun-barrel and bent it +around a tree so that he might be able to shoot around corners. Paddy's +idea was so excellent that I had adopted it and made a crooked +telescope, by which I had found that luminary almost sixty degrees below +our moral horizon. From this I proceeded to the merits of the case. + +Judge Grier and Dr. Mitchell were both elders in the Presbyterian +church. The Judge administered to men the eucharist oath to follow +Christ, then usurped the law-making power of the United States to punish +them for obeying one of the plainest precepts of the Master. + +The article seemed to throw him into a furious passion. He threatened to +sue Mr. Riddle for having the _Visiter_ printed and sold in his office, +and, as for me, I was to suffer all the pains and penalties which law +and public scorn could inflict. He demanded a satisfactory retraction +and apology as the least atonement he could accept for the insult. These +Mr. Riddle promised in my name, and I did not hesitate to make the +promise good. + +My next article was headed "An Apology," and in it I stated the +circumstances which had called it out, and the pleasant prospect of my +being sent to Mount Airy (our county jail) in case this, my apology, was +not satisfactory. I should of course do my best to satisfy his honor, +but in case of failure, should take comfort in the fact that the Mount +would make a good observatory. From that height I should be able to use +my telescope much better than in my present valley of humiliation. +Indeed, the mere prospect had so improved my glass, that I had caught a +new view of our sunken star, and to-day, this dispenser of justice, this +gentleman with the high sense of honor, was a criminal under sentence of +death by the divine law. "He who stealeth a man and selleth him, or if +he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death." + +Judge Grier had helped a gang of thieves to steal Jerry, whose ancestors +had been stolen in Africa. The original thief sold all he could +sell--the title of a thief--and as the stream cannot rise above the +fountain, Jerry's master held the same title to him that any man would +to Judge Grier's horse, provided he had stolen it. The purchaser of a +stolen horse acquired no title in him, and the purchaser of a stolen +man acquired no title in him. The man who helped another steal a horse, +was a horse thief, and the man who helped another steal a man, was a man +thief, condemned to death by divine law. Jerry, after having been once +stolen, had recovered possession of himself, and his master and other +thieves had re-stolen him! Judge Grier, with full knowledge of this +fact, had prostituted law for the benefit of the thieves. + +Nothing more was heard of a libel suit. Two years after, James McMasters +was sued for harboring a fugitive; was to be tried before Grier, and +spoke to his lawyer about summoning the editor of the _Visiter_. The +attorney exclaimed: + +"Oh bring her, by all means! No matter what she knows, or whether she +knows anything; bring her into court, and I'll win the case for you. +Grier is more afraid of her than of the devil." + +The editor was summoned, gave testimony, and found Judge Grier a most +courteous and considerate gentleman, with no signs of fear. The case +hung on the question of notice. The Judge reversed his former decision, +and those who were apt to feed beggars, breathed more freely. + +A case was tried for the remanding of a slave, and lawyer Snowden +appeared for the master. The _Visiter_ sketched the lawyer as his +client's dog, Towser; a dog of the blood-hound breed, with a brand new +brass collar, running with his nose to the ground, while his owner +clapped his hands and shouted: "Seek him, seek him Towser!" + +This caught the fancy of the street boys, who called him, "Towser, +where's your collar?" "Seek him, Towser." He was the last Pittsburg +lawyer who took a case against a slave, and public sentiment had so +advanced that there never afterwards was a fugitive taken out of the +county. + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +MINT, CUMMIN AND ANNIS. + +While the bench and bar were thus demanding the attention of the +_Visiter_, the pulpit was examining its morals with a microscope, and +defending the sum of all villainies as a Bible institution. The American +churches, with three exceptions, not only neglected "the weightier +matters of the law, judgment and mercy," but were the main defense of +the grossest injustice, the most revolting cruelty; and, to maintain an +appearance of sanctity, were particularly devout and searching in the +investigation of small sins. + +A religions contemporary discovered that the _Visiter_ did actually +advertise "Jayne's Expectorant," and such an expectoration of pious +reprehension as this did call forth! The _Visiter_ denied that the +advertisement was immoral, and carried the war into Africa--that old +man-stealing Africa--and there took the ground that chattel slavery +never did exist among the Jews; that what we now charge upon them as +such was a system of bonded servitude; that the contract was originally +between master and servant; the consideration of the labor paid to the +servant; that in all cases of transfer, the master sold to another that +portion of the time and labor of the servant, which were still due; +that there was no hint of any man selling a free man into slavery for +the benefit of the seller; that the servants bought from "the heathen +around about," were bought from themselves, or in part at least, for +their benefit, to bring them under general law and into the church; that +nothing like American slavery was ever known in the days of Moses, or +any other day than that of this great Republic, since our slavery was +"the vilest that ever saw the sun," John Wesley being witness. + +The _Visiter_ cited the purchase by Joseph of the people of Egypt, and +Leviticus xxv, xxxix: "If thy brother be waxen poor and sell himself +unto thee." The Bible had not then been changed to suit the exigencies +of slavery. In later editions, "sell himself" is converted into "be +sold," but as the passage then stood it was a sledge-hammer with which +one might beat the whole pro-slavery Bible argument into atoms, and +while the _Visiter_ used it with all the force it could command, it took +the ground that if the Bible did sanction slavery, the Bible must be +wrong, since nothing could make slavery right. + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +FREE SOIL PARTY. + +The Free Soil or Barnburner party was organized in '48, and nominated +Martin Van Buren for President. The _Visiter_ dropped its Birney flag +and raised the Van Buren standard. In supporting him the editor of the +_Visiter_ was charged with being false to the cause of the slave, and +of playing into the hands of the Whigs. All the editor had ever said +about that pro-slavery ex-President was cast into its teeth by +Democratic, Liberty Party and Garrisonian papers, which, one and all, +held that Van Buren was a cunning old fox, as pro-slavery as in those +days when, as President of the U.S. Senate, he gave his casting vote for +the bill which authorized every Southern post-master to open all the +mail which came to his office, search for and destroy any matter that he +might think dangerous to Southern institutions. In his present hostility +to slavery, he was actuated by personal hatred of Louis Cass, the +Democratic candidate, and sought to draw off enough. Democratic votes to +defeat him. + +The object of the _Visiter_ in supporting Van Buren was to smash one of +the great pro-slavery parties of the nation, or gain an anti-slavery +balance of power to counteract the slavery vote for which both +contended. A few thousand reliable votes would compel one party to take +anti-slavery ground. The Van Buren movement was almost certain to defeat +the Democrats, and force the Whigs to seek our alliance. True, the Free +Soil platform did not suit Liberty Party men, who said it simply +proposed to confine slavery to its present limits, and not destroy it +where it already existed. + +To all of which, and much more, the little _Visiter_ replied, that with +Van Buren's motives it had nothing to do. His present attitude was one +of hostility to the spread of slavery, and this being a long step in +advance of other parties, was a position desirable to gain and hold. To +decline aiding those who proposed to circumscribe slavery because they +did not propose its destruction, was as if a soldier should refuse to +storm an outpost on the ground that it was not the citadel. + +Checking the advance of an enemy was one step toward driving him off the +field, and a rusty cannon might be worth several bright-barreled muskets +in holding him at bay. The Lord punished Israel by the hand of Jehu and +Hazael, both wicked men. Slavery was bursting her bounds, coming over on +us like the sea on Holland. One very dirty shovel might be worth a +hundred silver teaspoons in keeping back the waters, and this Free Soil +party could do more to check its advance than a hundred of the little +Liberty Party with that pure patriot, Gerrit Smith, at its head. In +doing right, take all the help you can get, even from Satan. Let him +assist to carry your burden as long as he will travel your road, and +only be careful not to turn off with him when he takes his own. + +The _Visitor_ had thousands of readers scattered over every State and +Territory in the nation, in England and the Canadas. It was quoted more +perhaps than any other paper in the country, and whether for blame or +praise, its sentiments were circulated, and men of good judgment thought +it made thousands of votes for the Free Soil party. + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +VISIT WASHINGTON.--AGE, 35. + +When slavery thought to reap the fruits of the war into which she had +plunged the nation with Mexico, lo! there was a lion in her path, and +not a Bunyan lion either, for this kingly beast wore no collar, no chain +held him. The roused North had laid her great labor paw on the +California gold fields and stood showing her teeth while the serpent +with raised crest was coiled to strike, and the world waited and +wondered. + +Henry Clay, the synonym for compromise, was still in the United States +Senate, and, with his cat-like tread, stepped in between the +belligerents with a cunning device--a device similar to that by which +the boys disposed of the knife they found jointly--one was to own, the +other to carry and use it. So by this plan the lion was to own +California, and the snake was to occupy it as a hunting-ground; nay, not +it alone, but every State and Territory in the Union must be given up to +its slimy purposes. In other words, California was to be admitted as a +free State, upon condition of the passage of the Fugitive Slave Bill, +which authorized the slave-hunter to follow the fugitive into every +home, every spot of this broad land; to tear him from any altar, and +demand the services of every "good citizen" in his hellish work. Men by +thousands, once counted friends of freedom, bowed abjectly to this +infamous decision. + +Daniel Webster, the leading Whig statesman, made a set speech in favor +of thus giving up the whole country to the dominion of the slave power. +It was another great bid for the next presidential nomination, which +must be controlled by the South. The danger was imminent, the crisis +alarming, and the excitement very great. I longed to be in Washington, +so I wrote to Horace Greeley, who answered that he would pay me five +dollars a column for letters. It was said that this was the first time a +woman had been engaged in that capacity. + +I went to Washington in the early part of '50, going by canal to the +western foot of the Alleghenies, and then by rail to the foot of the +inclined plane, where our cars were wound up and let down by huge +windlasses. I was in a whirl of wonder and excitement by this, my first +acquaintance with the iron-horse, but had to stay all night in Baltimore +because the daily train for Washington had left before ours came. + +I had letters to the proprietor of the Irving House, where I took board. +Had others to Col. Benton, Henry Clay, and other great men, but he who +most interested me was Dr. Gamaliel Bailey, editor of the _National +Era_. The great want of an anti-slavery paper at the capitol had been +supplied by five-dollar subscriptions to a publication fund, and Dr. +Bailey called from Cincinnati to take charge of it, and few men have +kept a charge with more care and skill. He and the _Era_ had just passed +the ordeal of a frightful mob, in which he was conciliatory, unyielding +and victorious; and he was just then gravely anxious about the great +crisis, but most of all anxious that the _Era_ should do yeoman service +to the cause which had called it into life. The _Era_ had a large +circulation, and high literary standing, but Dr. Bailey was troubled +about the difficulty or impossibility of procuring anti-slavery tales. +Mrs. Southworth was writing serials for it, and he had hoped that she, a +Southern woman with Northern principles, could weave into her stories +pictures of slavery which would call damaging attention to it, but in +this she had failed. + +Anti-slavery tales, anti-slavery tales, was what the good Doctor wanted. +Temperance had its story writer in Arthur. If only abolition had a good +writer of fiction, one who could interest and educate the young. He knew +of but one pen able to write what he wanted, and alas, the finances of +the _Era_ could not command it. If only he could engage Mrs. Stowe. I +had not heard of her, and he explained that she was a daughter of Lyman +Beecher. I was surprised and exclaimed: + +"A daughter of Lyman Beecher write abolition stories! Saul among the +prophets!" + +I reminded the Doctor that President Beecher and Prof. Stowe had broken +up the theological department of Lane Seminary by suppressing the +anti-slavery agitation raised by Theodore Weld, a Kentucky student, and +threw their influence against disturbing the Congregational churches +with the new fanaticism; that Edward Beecher invented the "organic sin," +devil, behind which churches and individuals took refuge when called +upon to "come up to the help of the Lord against the mighty." But Dr. +Bailey said he knew them personally, and that despite their public +record, they were at heart anti-slavery, and that prudence alone +dictated their course. Mrs. Stowe was a graphic story-teller, had been +in Kentucky, taken in the situation and could describe the peculiar +institution as no one else could. If he could only enlist her, the whole +family would most likely follow into the abolition ranks; but the bounty +money, alas, where could he raise it? + +Where there is the will there is a way, and it was but a few months +after that conversation when Dr. Bailey forwarded one hundred dollars to +Mrs. Stowe as a retaining fee for her services in the cause of the +slave, and lo! the result, "Uncle Tom's Cabin." As it progressed he sent +her another, and then another hundred dollars. Was ever money so well +expended? + +That grand old lion, Joshua R. Giddings, had also passed through the +mob, and as I went with him to be presented to President Taylor, a woman +in the crowd stepped back, drew away her skirts, and with a snarl +exclaimed, + +"A pair of abolitionists!" + +The whole air of Freedom's capital thrilled and palpitated with hatred +of her and her cause. On the question of the pending Fugitive Slave +Bill, the feeling was intense and bitterly partisan, although not a +party measure. Mr. Taylor, the Whig President, had pronounced the bill +an insult to the North, and stated his determination to veto it. +Fillmore, the Vice-President, was in favor of it. So, Freedom looked to +a man owning three hundred slaves, while slavery relied on "a Northern +man with Southern principles." President Taylor was hated by the South, +was denounced as a traitor to his section, while Southern men and women +fawned upon and flattered Fillmore. Webster, the great Whig statesman of +the North, had bowed the knee to Baal, while Col. Benton, of Missouri, +was on the side of Freedom. + +The third, or anti-slavery party, represented by Chase and Hale in the +Senate, was beginning to make itself felt, and must be crushed and +stamped out at all hazards--the infant must be strangled in its cradle. + +While abolition was scoffed at by hypocritical priests as opening a door +to amalgamation, here, in the nation's capital, lived some of our most +prominent statesmen in open concubinage with negresses, adding to their +income by the sale of their own children, while one could neither go out +nor stay in without meeting indisputable testimony of the truth of +Thomas Jefferson's statement: "The best blood of Virginia runs in the +veins of her slaves." But the case which interested me most was a family +of eight mulattoes, bearing the image and superscription of the great +New England statesman, who paid the rent and grocery bills of their +mother as regularly as he did those of his wife. + +Pigs were the scavengers, mud and garbage the rule, while men literally +wallowed in the mire of licentiousness and strong drink. In Congress +they sat and loafed with the soles of their boots turned up for the +inspection of the ladies in the galleries. Their language and gestures +as they expectorated hither and thither were often as coarse as their +positions, while they ranted about the "laws and Constitution," and +cracked their slave-whips over the heads of the dough-faces sent from +the Northern States. + +Washington was a great slave mart, and her slave-pen was one of the +most infamous in the whole land. One woman, who had escaped from it, was +pursued in her flight across the long bridge, and was gaining on the +four men who followed her, when they shouted to some on the Virginia +shore, who ran and intercepted her. Seeing her way blocked, and all hope +of escape gone, with one wild cry she clasped her hands above her head, +sprang into the Potomac, and was swept into that land beyond the River +Death, where alone was hope for the American slave. Another woman with +her two children was captured on the steps of the capitol building, +whither she had fled for protection, and this, too, while the stars and +stripes floated over it. + +One of President Tyler's daughters ran away with the man she loved, in +order that they might be married, but for this they must reach foreign +soil. A young lady of the White House could not marry the man of her +choice in the United States. The lovers were captured, and she was +brought to His Excellency, her father, who sold her to a slave-trader. +From that Washington slave-pen she was taken to New Orleans by a man who +expected to get twenty-five hundred dollars for her on account of her +great beauty. + +My letters to the New York _Tribune_, soon attracted so much attention +that is was unpleasant for me to live in a hotel, and I became the guest +of my friend Mrs. Emma D.E.N. Southworth. It was pleasant to look into +her great, dreamy grey eyes, with their heavy lashes, at the broad +forehead and the clustering brown curls, and have her sit and look into +the fire and talk as she wrote of the strange fancies which peopled her +busy brain. + +Among the legislative absurdities which early attracted my attention was +that of bringing every claim against the government before Congress. If +a man thought government owed him ten dollars, the only way was to have +the bill pass both houses. In my _Tribune_ letters, I ventilated that +thoroughly, and suggested a court, in which Brother Jonathan could +appear by attorney. Mr. Greeley seconded the suggestion warmly, and +this, I think, was the origin of the Court of Claims. + +There was yet one innovation I wanted to make, although my stay in +Washington would necessarily be short. No woman had ever had a place in +the Congressional reporter's gallery. This door I wanted to open to +them, called on Vice-President Fillmore and asked him to assign me a +seat in the Senate gallery. He was much surprised and tried to dissuade +me. The place would be very unpleasant for a lady, would attract +attention, I would not like it; but he gave me the seat. I occupied it +one day, greatly to the surprise of the Senators, the reporters, and +others on the floor and in the galleries; but felt that the novelty +would soon wear off, and that women would work there and win bread +without annoyance. + +But the Senate had another sensation that day, for Foot, in a speech +alluded to "the gentleman from Missouri." Benton sprang to his feet, and +started toward him, but a dozen members rushed up to hold him, and he +roared: + +"Stand off, gentlemen! Unhand me! Let me reach the scoundrel!" Everyone +stamped, and ran, and shouted "Order!" The speaker pounded with his +mallet, and Foot ran down the aisle to the chair, drawing out a great +horse-pistol and cocking it, cried: + +"Let him come on, gentlemen! let him come on!" while he increased the +distance between them as fast as time and space would permit. After the +hubbub had subsided, Foot explained: + +"Mr. Speaker, I saw the gentleman coming, and I advanced toward the +chair." + +I have never seen a well-whipped rooster run from his foe, without +thinking of Foot's advance. + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +DANIEL WEBSTER. + +Darkest of the dark omens for the slave, in that dark day, was the +defalcation of Daniel Webster. He whose eloquence had secured in name +the great Northwest to freedom, and who had so long been dreaded by the +slave-power, had laid his crown in the dust; had counseled the people of +the North to conquer their prejudices against catching slaves, and by +his vote would open every sanctuary to the bloodhound. The prestige of +his great name and the power of his great intellect were turned over to +slavery, and the friends of freedom deplored and trembled for the +result. + +There was some general knowledge through the country of the immorality +of Southern men in our national capital. Serious charges had been made +by abolitionists against Henry Clay, but Webster was supposed to be a +moral as well as an intellectual giant. Brought up in Puritan New +England, he was accredited with all the New England virtues; and when a +Southern woman said to me, in answer to my strictures on Southern men: + +"Oh, you need not say anything! Look at your own Daniel Webster!" I +wondered and began to look at and inquire about him, and soon discovered +that his whole panoply of moral power was a shell--that his life was +full of rottenness. Then I knew why I had come to Washington. I gathered +the principal facts of his life at the Capitol, stated them to Dr. +Snodgrass, a prominent Washington correspondent, whose anti-slavery +paper had been suppressed in Baltimore by a mob, to Joshua R. Giddings +and Gamaliel Bailey. They assured me of the truth of what had been told +me, but advised me to keep quiet, as other people had done. I took the +whole question into careful consideration; wrote a paragraph in a letter +to the _Visiter_, stating the facts briefly, strongly; and went to read +it to my friend, Mrs. George W. Julian. + +I found her and her husband together, and read the letter to them. They +sat dumb for a moment, then he exclaimed: + +"You must not publish that!" + +"Is it true?" + +"Oh, yes! It is true! But none the less you must not publish it!" + +"Can I prove it?" + +"No one will dare deny it. We have all known that for years, but no one +would dare to make it public. No good can come of its publication; it +would ruin you, ruin your influence, ruin your work. You would lose +your _Tribune_ engagement, by which you are now doing so much good. We +all feel the help you are to the good cause. Do not throw away your +influence!" + +"Does not the cause of the slave hang on the issue in Congress?" + +"I think it does." + +"Is not Mr. Webster's influence all against it?" + +"Yes, of course!" + +"Would not that influence be very much less if the public knew just what +he is?" + +"Of course it would, but you cannot afford to tell them. You have no +idea what his friends would say, what they would do. They would ruin +you." + +I thought a moment, and said: + +"I will publish it, and let God take care of the consequences." + +"Good!" exclaimed Mrs. Julian, clapping her hands. "I would if I were in +your place." + +But when I went to post the letter, I hesitated, walked back and forth +on the street, and almost concluded to leave out that paragraph. I +shuddered lest Mr. Julian's prediction should prove true. I was +gratified by my position on the _Tribune_--the social distinction it +gave me and courtesy which had been shown me. Grave Senators went out of +their way to be polite, and even pro-slavery men treated me with +distinguished consideration. My Washington life had been eminently +agreeable, and I dreaded changing popularity for public denunciation. +But I remembered my Red Sea, and my motto--"Speak unto the children of +Israel that they go forward." The duty of destroying that pro-slavery +influence was plain. All the objections were for fear of the +consequences to me. I had said God should take care of these, and mailed +the letter, but I must leave Washington. Mr. Greeley should not +discharge me. I left the capitol the day after taking my seat in the +reporter's gallery, feeling that that door was open to other women. + +The surprise with which the Webster statement was received was fully +equalled by the storm of denunciation it drew down upon me. The New York +_Tribune_ regretted and condemned. Other secular papers made dignified +protests. The religious press was shocked at my indelicacy, and fellows +of the baser sort improved their opportunity to the utmost. I have never +seen, in the history of the press, such widespread abuse of any one +person as that with which I was favored; but, by a strange fatality, the +paragraph was copied and copied. It was so short and pointed that in no +other way could its wickedness be so well depicted as by making it a +witness against itself. + +I had nothing to do but keep quiet. The accusation was made. I knew +where to find the proof if it should be legally called for, and until it +was I should volunteer no evidence, and my witnesses could not be +attacked or discredited in advance. By and by people began to ask for +the contradiction of this "vile slander." It was so circumstantial as to +call for a denial. It could not be set aside as unworthy of attention. + +What did it mean? Mr. Webster was a prominent candidate for President. +Would his friends permit this story to pass without a word of denial? +Mr. Julian was right; no one would dare deny the charge. He was, +however, wrong in saying it would ruin me. My motive was too apparent, +and the revelations too important, for any lasting disgrace to attach to +it. On all hands it was assured that the disclosure had had a telling +effect in disposing of a formidable power which had been arrayed against +the slave, as Mr. Webster failed to secure the nomination. + +Some one started a conundrum: "Why is Daniel Webster like Sisera? +Because he was killed by a woman," and this had almost as great a run as +the original accusation. + +When the National Convention met in Pittsburg, in 1852, to form the Free +Democratic party, there was an executive and popular branch held in +separate halls. I attended the executive. Very few women were present, +and I the only one near the platform. The temporary chairman left the +chair, came to me to be introduced, saying: + +"I want to take the hand that killed Daniel Webster." + +Henry Wilson was permanent chairman of that convention, and he came, +too, with similar address. Even Mr. Greeley continued to be my friend, +and I wrote for the _Tribune_ often after that time. + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +FUGITIVE SLAVE LAW. + +When it became certain that the Fugitive Slave Bill could pass Congress, +but could not command a two-thirds vote to carry it over the assured +veto of President Taylor, he ate a plate of strawberries, just as +President Harrison had done when he stood in the way of Southern policy, +and like his great predecessor Taylor, died opportunely, when Mr. +Fillmore became President, and signed the bill. When it was the law of +the land, there was a rush of popular sentiment in favor of obedience, +and a rush of slave-catchers to take advantage of its provisions. +Thousands of slaves were returned to bondage. Whigs and Democrats were +still bidding for the Southern vote, and now vied with each other as to +who should show most willingness to aid their Southern brethren in the +recovery of their lost property. The church also rushed to the front to +show its Christian zeal for the wrongs of those brethren, who, by the +escape of their slaves, lost the means of building churches and buying +communion services, and there was no end of homilies on the dishonesty +of helping men to regain possession of their own bodies. All manner of +charges were rung about Onesimus, and Paul became the patron saint of +slave-catchers. + +Among the many devices brought to bear on the consciences of +Pittsburgers, was a sermon preached, as per announcement, by Rev. +Riddle, pastor of the Third Presbyterian church. It was received with +great favor, by his large wealthy congregation, was printed in pamphlet +form, distributed by thousands and made a profound impression, for +Pittsburg is a Presbyterian city, and a sermon by its leading pastor was +convincing. The sermon was an out and out plea for the bill and +obedience to its requirements. Did not Paul return Onesimus to his +master? Were not servants told to obey their masters? Running away was +gross disobedience, etc., etc. + +Robt. M. Riddle, in a careful leader in _The Journal_, deprecated the +existence of the law, but since it did exist, counseled obedience. He +was a polished and forcible writer and his arguments had great weight. + +The _Visiter_ published an article on "The Two Riddles," in which was +drawn a picture of a scantily clad woman, with bruised and bleeding +feet, clasping an infant to her bosom, panting before her pursuers up +Third street. The master called on all good citizens for help. The cry +reached the ears of the tall editor of the _Journal_ seated at his desk. +He dropped his pen, hastily donned his new brass collar and started in +hot pursuit of this wicked woman, who was feloniously appropriating the +property of her master. + +The other Riddle--the Presbyterian pastor--planted himself by the lamp +post on the corner of Third and Market streets, and with spectacles on +nose and raised hands, loudly implored divine blessing on the labors of +his tall namesake. The _Visiter_ concluded by advising masters who had +slaves to catch, to apply to these gentlemen, who would attend to +business from purely pious and patriotic motives. + +I did not see Mr. Riddle for two weeks after the publication of the +sketch, and then we met on the street. He had never before been angry +or vexed with me, but now he was both, and said: + +"How could you do me such an injustice?" + +"Why is it an injustice?" + +"Oh you know it is! You know I would cut off my right hand, before I +would aid in capturing a fugitive." + +"Then why do you counsel others to do it?" + +"Oh you know better! and Rev. Riddle, he and his friends are distressed +about it. You do not know what you have done! I have already had three +letters from the South, asking me to aid in returning fugitives, and he, +too, has had similar applications. Oh it is too humiliating, too bad. +You must set it right!" + +I agreed to do so, and the _Visiter_ explained that it had been mistaken +in saying that both or either of the two Riddles would aid in returning +fugitives. They both scorned the business, and Robt. M., would cut off +his right hand, rather than engage in it. He only meant that other +people should do what would degrade him. He was not a good citizen, and +did not intend to be. As for his Reverence, he would shirk his Christian +duties; would not pray by that lamppost, or any other lamp-post, for the +success of slave-catchers. He had turned his back upon Paul, and had +fallen from grace since preaching his famous sermon. The gentlemen had +been accredited with a patriotism and piety of which they were +incapable, and a retraction was necessary; but if any other more +patriotic politician or divine, further advanced in sanctification would +send their names to the _Visiter_, it would notify the South. + +In answering Bible arguments, as to the righteousness of the Fugitive +Slave Bill, the main dependence of _the Visiter_ was Deuteronomy xxiii: +15 and 16: + +"Thou shalt not deliver unto his master, the servant which is escaped +from his master unto thee. + +"He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place where he shall +choose, in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best, thou shalt not +oppress him." + +That old Bible, in spite of pro-slavery interpreters, proved to be the +great bulwark of human liberty. + +In 1852, Slavery and Democracy formed that alliance to which we owe the +Great Rebellion. The South became solid, and Whigs had no longer any +motive for catching slaves. + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + +BLOOMERS AND WOMAN'S RIGHTS CONVENTIONS. + +The appearance of _The Visiter_ was the signal for an outbreak, for +which I was wholly unprepared, and one which proved the existence of an +eating cancer of discontent in the body politic. Under the smooth +surface of society lay a mass of moral disease, which suddenly broke out +into an eruption of complaints, from those who felt themselves oppressed +by the old Saxon and ecclesiastical laws under which one-half the people +of the republic still lived. + +In the laws governing the interests peculiar to men, and those affecting +their interests in common with woman, great advance had been made during +the past six centuries, but those regarding the exclusive interests of +women, had remained in _statu quo_, since King Alfred the Great and the +knights of his Round Table fell asleep. The anti-negro slavery object of +my paper seemed to be lost sight of, both by friends and foes of human +progress, in the surprise at the innovation of a woman entering the +political arena, to argue publicly on great questions of national +policy, and while men were defending their pantaloons, they created and +spread the idea, that masculine supremacy lay in the form of their +garments, and that a woman dressed like a man would be as potent as he. + +Strange as it may now seem, they succeeded in giving such efficacy to +the idea, that no less a person than Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was led +astray by it, so that she set her cool, wise head to work and invented a +costume, which she believed would emancipate woman from thraldom. Her +invention was adopted by her friend Mrs. Bloomer, editor and proprietor +of the _Lily_, a small paper then in infancy in Syracuse, N.Y., and from +her, the dress took its name--"the bloomer." Both women believed in +their dress, and staunchly advocated it as the sovereignest remedy for +all the ills that woman's flesh is heir to. + +I made a suit and wore it at home parts of two days, long enough to feel +assured that it must be a failure; and so opposed it earnestly, but +nothing I could say or do could make it apparent that pantaloons were +not the real objective point, at which all discontented woman aimed. I +had once been tried on a charge of purloining pantaloons, and been +acquitted for lack of evidence; but now, here was the proof! The women +themselves, leaders of the malcontents, promulgated and pressed their +claim to bifurcated garments, and the whole tide of popular discussion +was turned into that ridiculous channel. + +The _Visiter_ had a large list of subscribers in Salem, Ohio, and in the +summer of '49 a letter from a lady came to me saying, that the _Visiter_ +had stirred up so much interest in women's rights that a meeting had +been held and a committee appointed to get up a woman's rights +convention, and she, as chairman of that committee, invited me to +preside. I felt on reading this as if I had had a douche bath; then, as +a lawyer might have felt who had carried a case for a corporation +through the lower court, and when expecting it up before the supreme +bench, had learned that all his clients were coming in to address the +court on the merits of the case. + +By the pecks of letters I had been receiving, I had learned that there +were thousands of women with grievances, and no power to state them or +to discriminate between those which could be reached by law and those +purely personal; and that the love of privacy with which the whole sex +was accredited was a mistake, since most of my correspondents literally +agonized to get before the public. Publicity! publicity! was the +persistent demand. To meet the demand, small papers, owned and edited by +women, sprang up all over the land, and like Jonah's gourd, perished in +a night. Ruskin says to be noble is to be known, and at that period +there was a great demand on the part of women for their full allowance +of nobility; but not one in a hundred thought of merit as a means of +reaching it. No use waiting to learn to put two consecutive sentences +together in any connected form, or for an idea or the power of +expressing it. One woman was printing her productions, and why should +not all the rest do likewise? They had so long followed some leader like +a flock of sheep, that now they would rush through the first gap into +newspaperdom. + +I declined the presidential honors tendered me, on the ground of +inability to fill the place; and earnestly entreated the movers to +reconsider and give up the convention, saying: + +"It will open a door through which fools and fanatics will pour in, and +make the cause ridiculous." + +The answer was that it was too late to recede. The convention was held, +and justified my worst fears. When I criticised it, the reply was: + +"If you had come and presided, as we wished you to do, the result would +have been different. You started the movement and now refuse to lead it, +but cannot stop it." + +The next summer a convention was held in Akron, Ohio, and I attended, +hoping to modify the madness, but failed utterly, by all protests I +could make, to prevent the introduction by the committee on resolutions +of this: + +"_Resolved_, that the difference in sex is one of education." + +A man stood behind the president to prompt her, but she could not catch +his meaning, and when confusion came, she rose and made a little speech, +in which she stated that she knew nothing of parliamentary rules, and +when consenting to preside had resolved, if there were trouble, to say +to the convention as she did to her boys at home: "Quit behaving +yourselves!" + +This brought down the house, but brought no order, and she sat down, +smiling, a perfect picture of self-complaisance. + +People thought the press unmerciful in its ridicule of that convention, +but I felt in it all there was much forbearance. No words could have +done justice to the occasion. It was so much more ridiculous than +ridicule, so much more absurd than absurdity. The women on whom that +ridicule was heaped were utterly incapable of self-defense, or +unconscious of its need. The mass of nobility seekers seemed content to +get before the public by any means, and to wear its most stinging +sarcasms as they would a new dress cap. + +In those days I reserved all my hard words for men, and in my notice of +the convention mildly suggested that it would have been better had Mrs. +Oliver Johnson been made president, as she had great executive ability +and a good knowledge of parliamentary rules. This suggestion was +received by the president as an insult never to be forgiven, and in the +_Visiter_ defended herself against it. I replied, and in the discussion +which followed she argued that the affairs of each family should be so +arranged that the husband and wife would be breadwinner and housekeeper +by turns, day or oven half day about. He should go to business in the +forenoon, then in the afternoon take care of baby and permit her to go +to the office, shop or warehouse from which came the family supplies. + +I took the ground that baby would be apt to object, and that in our +family the rule would not work, since I could not put a log on the +mill-carriage, and the water would be running to waste all my day or +half-day as bread-winner. + +About the same time, Mrs. Stanton published a series of articles in Mrs. +Bloomer's paper, the _Lily_, in which she taught that it was right for a +mother to make baby comfortable, lay him in his crib, come out, lock the +door, and leave him to develop his lungs by crying or cooing, as he +might decide, while mamma improved her mind and attended to her public +and social duties. + +Against such head winds, it was hard for my poor little craft to make +progress in asserting the right of women to influence great public +questions. + +For something over twenty years, after that Akron meeting, I did not see +a woman's rights convention, and in all have seen but five. Up to 1876 +there had been no material improvement in them, if those I saw were a +fair specimen. Their holders have always seemed to me like a woman who +should undertake at a state fair to run a sewing machine, under pretense +of advertising it, while she had never spent an hour in learning its +use. + +However, those conventions have probably saved the republic. From the +readiness with which Pennsylvania legislators responded to the petition +of three of four women, acting without concert, in the matter of +property rights, it is probable that in a fit of generosity the men of +the United States would have enfranchised its women _en masse;_ and the +government now staggering under the ballots of ignorant, irresponsible +men, must have gone down under the additional burden of the votes which +would have been thrown upon it, by millions of ignorant, irresponsible +women. Before that time, the unanswerable argument of Judge Hurlbut had +been published, and had made a deep impression on the minds of thinking +men. Had this been followed by the earnest, thrilling appeals of Susan +B. Anthony, free from all alliance with cant and vanity, we should no +doubt have had a voting population to-day, under which no government +could exist ten years; but those conventions raised the danger signal, +and men took heed to the warning. + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + +MANY MATTERS. + +The period of the _Visiter_ was one of great mental activity--a period +of hobbies--and it, having assumed the reform roll, was expected to +assume all the reforms. Turkish trowsers, Fourierism, Spiritualism, +Vegetarianism, Phonetics, Pneumonics, the Eight Hour Law, Criminal +Caudling, Magdaleneism, and other devices for teaching pyramids to stand +on their apex was pressed upon the _Visiter_, and it held by the +disciples of each as "false to all its professions," when declining to +devote itself to its advocacy. There were a thousand men and women, who +knew exactly what it ought to do; but seldom two of them agreed, and +none ever thought of furnishing funds for the doing of it. Reformers +insisted that it should advocate their plan of hurrying up the +millenium, furnish the white paper and pay the printers. Pond parents +came with their young geniuses to have them baptized in type from the +_Visiter_ font. Male editors were far away folks, but the _Visiter_ +would sympathize with family hopes. + +Ah, the crop of Miltons, Shakespeares, and Drydens which was growing up +in this land, full forty years ago. What has ever become of them? Here +conscience gives a twinge, for that wicked _Visiter_ did advise that +parents should treat young genius as scientists do wood, which they wish +to convert into pure carbon, _i.e._, cover it up with neglect and +discouragement, and pat these down with wholesome discipline, solid +study and useful work, and so let the fire smoulder out of sight. + +The policy of the _Visiter_ in regard to Woman's Rights, was to "go +easy," except in the case of those slave-women, who had no rights. For +others, gain an advance when you could. Educate girls with boys, develop +their brains, and take away legal disabilities little by little, as +experience should show was wise; but never dream of their doing the +world's hard work, either mental or physical; and Heaven defend them +from going into all the trades. + +The human teeth proved that we should eat flesh, and the human form +proved that men should take the ore out of the mines, subdue the inertia +of matter and the ferocity of animals; that they should raise the grain, +build the houses, roads and heavy machinery; and that women should do +the lighter work. As this work was as important as the heavier, and as +it fell principally on wives and mothers, they in these relations should +receive equal compensation with the husband and father. By this plan, +the estate acquired by a matrimonial firm, would belong equally to both +parties, and each could devise his or her share, so that a woman would +know that her accumulations would go to her heirs, not to her successor. +Consequently, every wife would have an incentive to industry and +economy, instead of being stimulated to idleness and extravagance as by +existing laws. + +Women should not weaken their cause by impracticable demands. Make no +claim which could not be won in a reasonable time. Take one step at a +time, get a good foothold in it and advance carefully. Suffrage in +municipal elections for property holders who could read, and had never +been connected with crime, was the place to strike for the ballot. Say +nothing about suffrage elsewhere until it proved successful here. + +Intemperance was then under treatment by Washingtonianism. By this +philosophy it was held that each man consists of about thirty pounds of +solid matter, wet up with several buckets of water; that in youth his +mother and sweetheart, kneads, rolls, pats and keeps him in shape, until +his wife takes charge of him and makes him into large loaves or little +cakes, according to family requirements; but must not stop kneading, +rolling, patting, on pain of having him all flatten out. + +The diagnosis of drunkenness was that it was a disease for which the +patient was in no way responsible, that it was created by existing +saloons, and non-existing bright hearths, smiling wives, pretty caps and +aprons. The cure was the patent nostrum of pledge-signing, a +lying-made-easy invention, which like calomel, seldom had any permanent +effect on the disease for which it was given, and never failed to +produce another and a worse. Here the cure created an epidemic of +forgery, falsehood and perjury. + +Napoleon selected his generals for their large noses. Dr. Washingtonian +chose his leaders for their great vices. The honors bestowed upon his +followers were measured by their crimes, and that man who could boast +the largest accumulation was the hero of the hour. A decent, sober man +was a mean-spirited fellow; while he who had brought the grey hair of +parents in sorrow to the grave, wasted his patrimony and murdered his +wife and children, was "King o' men for a' that." The heroines were +those women who had smilingly endured every wrong, every indignity that +brutality could inflict; had endured them not alone for themselves but +for their children; and she who had caressed the father of her child +while he dashed its brains out, headed the list in saintship; for love +was the kneading trough, and obedience the rolling pin, in and with +which that precious mess called a man was to be made into an angel. + +The _Visiter_ held that the law-giver of Mount Sinai knew what was in +man, and had not given any such account of him; that the commands, "Thou +shalt," and "Thou shalt not," were addressed to each individual; that +the disease of opening one's mouth and pouring whisky into it was under +the control of the mouth-opener; that drunkenness was a crime for which +the criminal should be punished by such terms of imprisonment as would +effectually protect society and prevent its confirmation. It told women +that that dough ought to be baked in the furnace of affliction; that +the coil of an anaconda was preferable to the embraces of a drunken man; +that it is a crime for a woman to become the mother of a drunkard's +child; that she who fails to protect her child from the drunken fury of +any man, even to the extent of taking his life on the spot, if possible, +is a coward and a traitor to the highest impulses of humanity. + +These sentiments made a stir in temperance ranks, and there was much +defense of the dear fellows. The organization, seemed to be principally +occupied in teaching, that among men, only rumsellers are free moral +agents, and that they and the women are to bear the iniquity of us all. +One Philadelphia woman, engaged in scattering rose-leaf remedies over +the great cancer of the land, concluded that the editor of the _Visiter_ +horsewhipped the unfortunate man she called husband, once a day, with +great regularity. Much sympathy was expressed for that much-abused man; +and this was amusing to those who knew he could have tied four such +tyrants in a sheaf, and carried them off like a bundle of sticks. But +people had found a monster, a giantess, with flaming black eyes, square +jaws and big fists, who lived at the top of a very high bean-pole, and +ate nothing but the uncooked flesh of men. + +However, the man-eating idea came to be useful, and proved that a bad +name is better than none. + +In '49, the _Visiter_ began a weekly series of "Letters to Country +Girls," which were seized upon as a new feature in journalism, were very +extensively copied, and won golden opinions from all sorts of men. In +'54 they were collected in book form, and "mine ancient enemy," George +D. Prentiss, gave them kindly notice. + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + +THE MOTHER CHURCH. + +When the _Visiter_ entered life, it was still doubtful which side of the +slavery question the Roman church would take. O'Connell was in the +zenith of his power and popularity, was decidedly anti-slavery, and +members of Catholic churches chose sides according to personal feeling, +as did those of other churches. It was not until 1852, that +abolitionists began to feel the alliance between Romanism and slavery; +but from that time, to be a member of the Roman church was to be a +friend of "Southern interests." + +In Pittsburg there was great harmony between Catholics and Protestants, +for the Protestant-Irish, by which Western Pennsylvania was so largely +settled, were generally refugees driven from Ireland for their +connection with the Union, or Robert Emmet rebellion. Our pastor, Rev. +John Black, escaped in the night, and he and the only Catholic priest in +Pittsburg, Father McGuire, were intimate friends. + +The Bishop of the diocese, R.R. O'Conner, was, I think, a priest of the +Capponsacchi order, one of those men by whose existence the Creator +renders a reason for the continuance of the race. After the days of +which I write, there was an excitement in Pittsburg about Miss Tiernan, +a beautiful, accomplished girl, who became a nun, and was said to have +mysteriously disappeared. When the Bishop resigned his office and became +a member of an austere order of monks, there were not lacking those who +charged the act to remorse for his connection with her unexplained +death; but I doubt not, that whatever that connection was, it did honor +to his manhood, however it may have affected his priesthood. + +In the days of his Episcopal honors, he was a favorite with all sorts +and conditions of men, and when he published a letter condemning our +infant-system of public schools, and demanding a division of the school +fund, he produced a profound sensation. I think this letter appeared in +'49. It was the morning of one of the days of the week I spent regularly +at the office. I found Mr. Riddle waiting to ask what I proposed to do +about it. I stated, without hesitation, that I would oppose it to the +best of my ability, when he replied: + +"I took it for granted that you would have consulted Mr. White +(conductor of the _Gazette_), and we feel that we cannot afford to lose +our Catholic patronage by taking issue with the Bishop, and that it will +not be necessary. You, as a pupil of Dr. Black, ought to be able to +answer Bishop O'Conner's arguments, and we will leave him to you. The +religious press will, of course, be a unit against him, and the secular +press need not fear to leave the case in your hands." + +The two papers for which he spoke, were the two great Whig dailies of +the western part of the State. The other daily was the _Democratic +Post_, conducted by a Catholic, and virtually the Bishop's organ; and to +meet this attack on the very foundations of civil liberty, the +_Visitor_, a weekly, was the only representative of the secular press. + +The Whig papers might have taken a different course, had it been known +at first that Bishop O'Conner's letter was only a part of a concerted +attack, and that all over the Union the Bishops had published similar +letters. But this was before the days of telegraphy, and we were weeks +learning the length and breadth of the movement. + +Bishop O'Conner replied very courteously to my strictures on his letter, +and we maintained the controversy for some length of time. Having all +the right on my side, I must have been a dolt not to make it apparent; +and the friends of the Bishop must have felt that he gained nothing, +else they would not have been so angry; but he was courteous until he +dropped the subject. + +My Catholic patrons gradually withdrew their advertisements and +subscriptions. Thousands of Protestants were rejoiced at what they +called my triumph, and borrowed the _Visiter_ to read my articles. Very +many bought copies, but I think I did not gain one subscriber or +advertiser by that labor in defense of a common cause. Nay, I lost +Protestant as well as Catholic support, for business men did not care to +be known to Catholic customers as a patron of a paper which had +strenuously opposed the policy of the church. That experience and a +close observation for many years have taught me that the secular papers +of the United States, with a few exceptions, are almost as much under +the control of the Pontiff as the press of Austria. Nor is it the +secular press alone which is thus controlled. There are religions +papers who throw "sops to Cerebus," as an offset to teachings demanded +by Protestant readers. These "sops" are paid for indirectly by +patronage, which would be withdrawn whenever the Bishop took alarm at an +article in that same paper. + +Protestants do not carry their religion either into political or +business relations, and so there is no offset to the religious, +political and business concentration of Romanism. + +There was no other outbreak between me and my Catholic neighbors until +the dedication of the Pittsburg cathedral, when my report gave serious +offense, and caused Bishop O'Conner to make a very bitter personal +attack on me. He did not know how truly the offensive features of my +report were the result of ignorance; but thought me irreverent, +blasphemous. I had never before been inside a Catholic church; never +seen a Catholic ceremonial; did not know the name of a single vestment; +was overwhelmed with astonishment, and thought my readers as ignorant as +I; so tried to give a description which would enable them to see what I +had seen, hear what I had heard. + +Every bishop and priest and member of any religions brotherhood in this +country and Canada was said to be present. Some of the things they wore +looked like long night-gowns, some short ones; some like cradle quilts, +some like larger quilts. There were many kinds of patch-work and +embroidery; some of the men wore skirts and looked very funny. Quite a +number wore something on their heads which looked like three pieces of +pasteboard, the shape of a large flat-iron, and fastened together at the +right angles and points. They formed into procession and started around +the outside of the building. I thought of going "around and about" +Jerusalem, and the movement had a meaning; but they walked into a fence +corner, swung a censor, turned and walked into another corner, and then +back into the house, without compassing the building. I said there was +nothing to prevent bad spirits coming in at that side. + +I copied the Bishop's angry reply, plead my ignorance and that of +Protestants in general for all that seemed irreverent, and called upon +him for explanations. What did it all mean? What was the spiritual +significance of those externals? I ignored his evident anger; had no +reason to be other than personally respectful to him, yet my second +article irritated him more than the first. + +I had stated that the men in the procession were the most +villainous-looking set I had ever seen; that every head and face save +those of the Bishops of Orleans and Pittsburg, were more or less stamped +by sensuality and low cunning. In Bishop O'Conner's reply, he said I had +gone to look for handsome men. I answered that I had, and that it was +right to do so. The Church, in her works of art, had labored to +represent Christ and his apostles as perfectly-formed men--men with +spiritual faces. She had never represented any of her saints as a +wine-bibber, a gross beef-eater, or a narrow-headed, crafty, cringing +creature. These living men could not be the rightful successors of those +whose statues and pictures adorned that cathedral. Archbishop Hughes, in +his sermon on that occasion, had argued that all the forms of the +church had a holy significance. What was that significance? Moreover, in +the days of John there were seven churches. Whatever had the Church of +Rome done with the other six owned on the Isle of Patmos by him who +stood in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks? + +For two months every issue of the _Visiter_ copied and replied to one of +the Bishop's articles, but never could bring him to the point of +explaining any portion of that great mystery. But the discussion marked +me as the subject of a hatred I had not deemed possible, and I have +seldom, if ever, met a Catholic so obscure that he did not recognize my +name as that of an enemy. So bitter was the feeling, that when my only +baby came great fears were felt lest she should be abducted; but this I +knew never could be done with Bishop O'Conner's consent. + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + +POLITICS AND PRINTERS. + +When the Pittsburg National Convention, which formed the Free Democratic +party, had finished its labors, a committee waited on the _Visiter_, to +bespeak that support which had already been resolved upon, and soon +after a State Convention in Harrisburg indorsed it by formal resolution +as a party organ. It did its best to spread the principles of the party, +and its services called out commendations, as well as the higher +compliments of stalwart opposition, from the foes of those principles. +Allegheny county was overwhelmingly Whig. The _Visiter_ worked against +the party, and the cry from the Whig press became: + +"Why attack our party? It is better than the Democratic. If you were +honest, you would devote yourself to its destruction, not to that of the +Whig." + +To this, the answer was: + +"The Whig party is a gold-bearing quartz rock, and we mean to pound it +into the smallest possible pieces, in order to get out the gold. The +Democratic party is an old red sandstone, and there is plenty of sand +lying all around about." + +In the summer of 1852 the editor visited the World's Fair, held in New +York, and on her return found the office machinery at a stand-still. She +had a contract with two printers, who, in making it, had given no notice +that they were the irresponsible agents of a union, and therefore had no +right to dispose of their own labor. They professed to be entirely +satisfied with their work and wages, and loath to leave them; but Mars' +Union had cracked his whip, and disobedience was ruin, if not death. For +these poor Pennsylvania self-made slaves the _Visiter_ had no pity, +although they plead for it. It advertised for women to take their +places, stating that its editor was in its composing-room. Other, if not +all other city papers, did likewise, and there was a rush of women to +the printing offices; but ninety out of a hundred had not passed that +stage of development in which women live by wheedling men. Those who +wheedled most winningly got the places, and the result in less than two +months was such a mess of scandal, as drove them, like whipped curs, +back to their kennels; but the editor of the _Visiter_ took a good look +at each of the hundred applicants, and from them selected three, who had +heads, not hat pins, on their shoulders. + +Mr. Riddle was a partner in the _Visiter_, and engaged a woman. The +editor refused to give her a case, when he indignantly said: + +"Women have no mercy on each other. There is that poor woman who has +been trying to make a living at her trade making vests, and is now on +the point of starvation. I have mercy on her, but you have none." + +The answer was: + +"A woman who cannot make a living at one good trade already learned, +will not mend matters by learning another. I do not propose to turn this +office into an eleemosynary establishment. I want the women whom the +work wants, not those who want the work. How long could that weak woman +maintain her respectability among all these men? Would it be any +kindness to put her in a place she is incapable of filling, and where +she must inflict incalculable injury on herself, and the general cause +of woman's right to labor? Do not let your generosity run away with your +judgment." + +My three typos came to be the main stay of the _Journal_, as well as the +only typos of the _Visiter_, for they were the nucleus of an efficient +corps of female type-setters, who held their places until Mr. Riddle's +last illness broke down his establishment. + +Soon after the opening of the Pa.C.R.R., there was a bad accident, one +train running into another in a deep cut, at night; commenting on it the +_Visiter_ suggested a red light on the rear of every train. The +suggestion was accepted immediately, and this is the origin of the red +light signal. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + +SUMNER, BURLINGAME AND CASSIUS M. CLAY. + +The Republican party was organized in Pittsburg, and when it became +national through the Philadelphia convention in the summer of '56, and +nominated Fremont, it seemed that it might injure rather than aid the +party to have a woman take a prominent place in it. The +nurseling--political abolition--was out of its cradle, had grown to +man's estate, and with bearded lip had gone forth to battle, a man among +men. There were honors and emoluments to be won in the cause of the +slave, and no doubt of its final triumph. + +The _Visiter_ had been sold to Mr. Riddle and united with his weekly, +thus extending its circulation, and cutting off the ruinous expense of +its publication. The _Journal_ was thoroughly Republican, and would be +ably conducted. No further need of a page devoted to freedom, when every +page was consecrated to the overthrow of slavery. + +Before taking action, it was best to consult an old subscriber, Charles +Sumner, then on the Allegheny Mountains, recovering from the Brook's +assault. I took baby and went to see him. + +He was domiciled in the family of Dr. Jackson, Pennsylvania State +Geologist, and seemed to be one of it. In the sitting-room were his desk +and lounge, where he wrote or lay and talked, principally with Dr. +Furness, of Philadelphia, who was with him, devoting an ever-growing +store of information to the amusement of his friend. Dr. Jackson was +full of instruction, and no man more ready than Sumner to learn. He held +that all knowledge was useful in adding to one's resources--inquired +minutely about the shoeing of the horse he rode; and over a watermelon +at dessert the doctor gave a lecture on amputation, which became a large +capital to one at least of his hearers, and was of intense interest to +Sumner. + +The children loved him, loved to be near him, and never seemed to be in +his way. Once when a toddling wee thing crept to his side while he was +absorbed in writing, took hold of his clothes, drew herself to his feet +and laid her head against his knee, he placed a weight to hold his +paper, laid his hand on her head and went on with his work. When some +one would have removed her, he looked up and said: + +"Oh, let the little one alone!" + +He spoke with profound admiration of Mrs. Purviance, wife of the member +of Congress from Butler, Pa. Said he was sorry never to have met her. +Her influence in Washington society had been so ennobling that the +friends of freedom owed her a lasting debt of gratitude. She boarded +with her husband at the National where her wealth, independence and +sparkling social qualities made her a recognized leader, while all her +influence was cast upon the right side. He thought the success of the +North in the famous struggle which elected Banks Speaker of the House, +was largely due to Mrs. Purviance. + +He was oppressed with anxiety about Burlingame, who had gone to Canada +to fight a duel, and there was great rejoicing, when he suddenly +appeared one evening after the sun had hidden behind the pine trees. + +He and Sumner met and greeted each other with the abandon of boys. No +duel had been fought, since Brooks, the challenger, had refused to pass +through Pennsylvania to Clifton, the place of meeting, for fear of mob +violence. Even the offer of a safe conduct of troops by the governor, +failed to reassure him, and Burlingame had hurried on to set his +friend's mind at rest. After the general rejoicing, the two sat facing +each other, when Sumner leaned forward, placed a hand on each of +Burlingame's shoulders, and said: + +"Tell me, Anson, you did not mean to shoot that man, did you?" + +Burlingame's head dropped an instant, then raising it, he said, slowly: + +"I intended to take the best aim I could." Here he drew back his right +arm, and took the position of holding a gun, "at the broadest part of +him, his breast; wait for the word, and then--fire!" + +Sumner dropped back in his chair, let his hands fall on his knees and +exclaimed, sorrowfully: + +"Oh, Anson! I did not believe it." + +Burlingame's eyes filled with tears, and he said: + +"Charles, I saw you lying bleeding and insensible on the Senate floor, +when I did not expect ever again to hear you speak; and I intended then +to kill him. I tell you, Charles, we have got to meet those fellows with +guns, some day, and the sooner we begin, the better." On being +consulted, both these champions of the right said the _Visiter_ must not +desert the cause. Sumner added solemnly: + +"The slave never had more need of it; never had more need of you." + +So that editor went on with her work, feeling such an opinion as almost +a divine call. + +In talking with Mr. Sumner during that visit, I learned that the same +doctor attended both President Harrison and President Taylor in their +last illness, and used his professional authority to prevent their +friends seeing them until the fatal termination of their illness was +certain. Also, that it was that same doctor who was within call when +Brooks made his assault on Sumner, took charge of the case, and made an +official statement that the injury was very slight, gave it a +superficial dressing, and sought to exclude every one from the room of +his patient. Said Sumner: + +"I shuddered when I recovered consciousness, and found this man beside +me." + +He dismissed him promptly, and did not hesitate to say that he believed +he would not have recovered under his treatment. When the South seceded, +this useful man left Washington and joined the Confederacy. + +The campaign of 1856 was very spirited. A large mass meeting was held in +Pittsburg, and Cassius M. Clay was the orator of the occasion. He was at +the heighth of a great national popularity, and seemed as if any honor +might be open to him. He dined that evening with Robert Palmer, of +Allegheny, and a small party of friends. The house was brilliantly +lighted, and at the table, while Clay was talking, and every one in gala +day spirits, the light suddenly went out, and what a strange sensation +fell on one guest--a feeling of coming evil. + +There was no re-lighting. The gas had failed, prophetic of the going out +of that brilliant career, and its slow ending in the glimmer of a single +candle. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + +FINANCE AND DESERTION. + +The _Pittsburg Saturday Visiter_ began life with two subscribers, and in +the second year reached six thousand, but was always a heavy drain on my +income. My domestic duties made it impossible I could give any attention +to the business department, and I was glad, at the close of the first +year, to transfer a half interest to Mr. Riddle, who became equal +partner and co-editor. At the end of the second year he proposed to buy +my interest, unite the _Visiter_ with his weekly, and pay me a salary +for editing a page. + +Had the proposal been made directly to me, I should have accepted at +once, but it was made through my brother-in-law, William Swisshelm, who +had been clerk and business manager of the _Visiter_ for eighteen +months. He advised me not to accept; said the paper was netting fifteen +hundred a year, and that if I would retain my interest he would purchase +Mr. Riddle's, get type, have all the work done in a separate +establishment, and make it a decided success. + +I was afraid of this arrangement, but was anxious to keep up the paper +as a separate publication, and agreed on condition that he would assume +the entire financial responsibility, keep my interest at Mr. Riddle's +valuation, and leave me no further risk than my services. If there were +profits, we would share them; if none, I got no pay, as usual, but sunk +no money. To make the changes he desired, I loaned him money until I had +most of my small estate invested, and supposed the paper was prospering +until suddenly informed that the sheriff was about to sell it. We +transferred it to Mr. Riddle, with my services two years in advance, to +pay the debts, and I wrote for the New York _Tribune_, at five dollars a +column, to meet my personal expenses, as my income from my property was +gone. + +I forget at what time the _Visiter_ was united to the weekly _Journal;_ +but very soon after the presidential campaign of '52, I learned that my +late partner had endorsed several notes which were not likely to be paid +by the persons who gave them, and that one of these was already entered +as a lien against his interest in the family estate. We had had no +settlement, so I went to my lawyer, William M. Shinn, who said that the +entire interest of my debtor in his father's will was worth less than my +claim since his death, without heirs, before his mother transferred his +share to the other heirs. He advised me, if possible, to get a deed of +that share as the only security for which I could hope. I directed him +to prepare it, went immediately to the office, saw my late partner, and +told him that if he did not execute that deed, I would sue him for a +settlement before I left the city. He did, and I took it home early in +the afternoon. In March '57, I resigned my place on the _Family Journal +and Visiter_, feeling that my public work was over, and that no life +save one of absolute solitude was possible for me. + +I had lived over twenty years without the legal right to be alone one +hour--to have the exclusive use of one foot of space--to receive an +unopened letter, or to preserve a line of manuscript + + "From sharp and sly inspection." + +In the latter half of the nineteenth century, a Pennsylvania court +decided that a husband had a right to open and read any communication +addressed to his wife. Living as I did, under this law I had burned the +private journal kept in girlhood, and the letters received from my +brother, mother, sister and other friends, to preserve their contents +from the comments of the farm laborers and female help, who, by common +custom, must eat at our table and take part in our conversation. At the +office I had received, read and burned, without answer, letters from +some of the most prominent men and women of the era; letters which would +be valuable history to-day; have, therefore, no private papers, and +write this history, except a few public dates, entirely from memory. + +Into the mists some rays of light penetrated, and by them I saw that the +marriage contract by which I was bound, was that one which I had made +and which secured my liberty of conscience and voice in choosing a home. + +The fraud by which church, and state substituted that bond made for +Saxon swine-herds, who ate boar's heads, lived in unchinked houses and +wore brass collars, in the days when Alfred the Great was king, was +such as would vitiate any other contract, and must annul even that of +marriage; but, granting that it was binding, it must bind both parties, +and had been broken by the party of the other part through failure to +comply with its requirements. + +Our marriage had been a mistake, productive of mutual injury; but for +one, it was not too late to repair the wrong. He, a man in the prime of +life, with unspotted reputation, living without labor, on the income of +a patrimonial estate, to which he had made large additions, could easily +find a help-mate for him; one who could pad matrimonial fetters with +those devices by which husbands are managed. My desertion would leave +him free to make a new choice, and I could more easily earn a living +alone. + +The much-coveted and long-delayed birth of a living child appeared to +have barred my appeal to this last resort, but the mother's right to the +custody of her infant is one I would defend to the taking of life. + +My husband would consent to no separation, and we had a struggle for my +separate, personal property or its equivalent; a struggle in which Wm. M. +Shinn was my lawyer, and Judge Mellon his, and in which I secured my +piano by replevin, Dr. John Scott being my bondsman, and learned that I +might not call a porter into the house to remove my trunk. I therefore +got my clothing, some books, china and bedding by stealth, and the +assistance of half a dozen families of neighbors. + +A test suit as to my right to support was decided in 1859, and in it a +judge in my native city, charged the jury that: "If a wife have no +dress and her husband refuse to provide one, she may purchase one--a +plain dress--not silk, or lace, or any extravagance; if she have no +shoes, she may get a pair; if she be sick and he refuse to employ a +physician, she may send for one, and get the medicine he may prescribe; +and for these necessaries the husband is liable, but here his liability +ceases." + +The suit was about goods I had purchased by my lawyer's advice--two +black silk dresses, a thirty dollar shawl, a dozen pairs black kid +gloves, stockings, flannel, linen, half dozen yards white Brussels lace, +any one of which would have outlawed the bill, even if I had gone in an +Eden costume to make the purchase; but being clothed when I made my +appearance at the counter, the merchant could not plead that I "had no +dress," and lost his case. + +In a subsequent suit carried up to the Supreme Court and decided in '68, +it was proved that my husband had forbidden our merchant to credit me on +his account, and the merchant's books presented in court showed that for +twelve years he had kept two separate accounts, one against my husband +and one against me. On his were charged clothing for himself, mother, +brothers and employes, common groceries, etc.; while on mine were +entered all my clothing, all high-priced tea, white sugar, etc., all +tableware, fine cutlery, table linen, bedding, curtains and towels; on +his were, credits for farm products; on mine, only cash; and he was +credited with butter and eggs on the same day that I was charged with +bed-ticking and towels. My personal expenses from Nov. 18, '36, the date +of our marriage, until Nov. 18, '56, twenty years, averaged less than +fifty dollars a year. All my husband's labor for all his life, and mine +for twenty years, with a large part of my separate property, had gone to +swell his mother's estate, on the proceeds of which she kept her +carriage and servants until she died, aged ninety-four, while I earned a +living for myself and his only child. + +I left Pittsburg with my baby about the 20th of May, '57, and went by +boat to St. Paul. Before leaving, I went to settle with Mr. Riddle and +say goodbye, and found him much troubled. He said: + +"Why is it I have known nothing of all this? I did not dream there was +anything wrong in your domestic relations, and may have been selfish and +inconsiderate." + +My husband, mine no more, came upon the boat while she lay at the wharf, +held baby on his knee and wept over her; when the last bell rang, he +bade me good-bye; carried her to the gangway, held her to the last +moment, then placed her in my arms, sprang ashore and hurried up the +wharf. He would, I think, have carried her off, but that he knew she +would break his heart crying for mother before I could get to her. + +He had once taken her away in a fit of anger and walked the floor with +her most of the night, seriously alarmed for her life, and could not +venture on that experiment again. He loved her most tenderly, and his +love was as tenderly returned. Since, as a duty to her, I was careful to +teach her to "honor thy father" on earth as well as in heaven. + +Had he and I gone into the pine woods, as he proposed, upon marriage; +had we been married under an equitable law or had he emigrated to +Minnesota, as he proposed, before I thought of going, there would have +been no separation; but after fifteen years in his mother's house I must +run away or die, and leave my child to a step-mother. So I ran away. He +thought I would return; enlarged and improved the house, wrote and +waited for us; could make no deed without my signature; I would sign +none, and after three years he got a divorce for desertion. In '70 he +married again, and I having, voluntarily, assumed the legal guilt of +breaking my marriage contract, do cheerfully accept the legal penalty--a +life of celibacy--bringing no charge against him who was my husband, +save that he was not much better than the average man. Knew his rights, +and knowing sought to maintain them against me; while, in some respects, +he was to me incalculably more than just. Years after I left him, he +said to our neighbor, Miss Hawkins, when speaking of me: + +"I believe she is the best woman God ever made, and we would have had no +trouble but for her friends." + +My sister had removed with her husband to St. Cloud, Minnesota, and +through him I had secured forty acres of land on the shore of one of a +nest of lovely lakes, lying on the east side of the Mississippi, twelve +miles from St. Cloud. On this little farm I would build a cabin of +tamarac logs, with the bark on and the ends sticking out at the corners +criss-cross. My cabin would have one room and a loft, each with a floor +of broad rough boards well jointed, and a ladder to go from one to the +other. It would have an open fire-place, a rough flag hearth, and a +rustic porch, draped with hop vines and wild roses. I would have a +boat, catch fish and raise poultry. No sound of strife should ever come +into my cabin but those of waves, winds, birds and insects. Ah, what a +paradise it would be! + +I had not yet learned that every human soul is a Shunamite, "a company +of two armies," and wherever there is one, there is strife. + + To live is to contend, + And life is finished when contentions end. + +At St. Paul I took a stage, and night came on when we were still twenty +miles from St. Cloud. The wolves stood and looked at the stage, and I +knew they were between me and my hermitage; but they were only prairie +wolves, and all day my cabin had been growing more and more beautiful. +The lakes, the flowers, the level prairies and distant knolls, but most +of all the oak openings were enchanting, and in one of these my cabin +would stand. + +The passengers talked politics and I talked too, and one man said to me: + +"Did you say you were going to St. Cloud? + +"Yes." + +"Well, I tell you, madam, them sentiments of yours won't go down there. +Gen. Lowrie don't allow no abolition in these parts and he lives in St. +Cloud." + +I had had many surprises, but few to equal this; had heard of Gen. +Lowrie as a man of immense wealth and influence, but no one had hinted +at this view of his character. I had thought of him as the friend of my +friends; but as the other passengers were confirming this account and I +watching the wolves, there flashed across my mind the thought: "This is +a broad country; but if this be true, there is not room in it for Gen. +Lowrie and me." + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + +MY HERMITAGE. + +It was midnight before we reached East St. Cloud, and the ferry-boat had +stopped running, so that it was a bright morning the 7th of June when I +found myself in half a dozen pairs of loving arms. In a few days we made +an excursion to the site of my cabin. It was more beautiful than I had +thought. On the opposite side of the lake lived Captain Briggs, with a +head full of sea-stories, and a New England wife. My hermitage would be +greatly improved by such neighbors only one mile distant, and as the +captain had lately killed two large bears between his house and the site +of mine, there would soon be no more bears. But I must have the loft of +my cabin large enough for several beds, as the children insisted on +spending their summers with me. Brother Harry bespoke a second room, for +he would want a place to stay all night when out hunting with his +friends, and my hermitage began to grow into a hotel. + +I had commenced arrangements with workmen, when Harry said to me: + +"Sis, Elizabeth and I have talked this matter over, and if you persist, +we will take out a writ of lunacy. There is not a man in this territory +who would not say on oath, that you are insane to think of going where +the bears would eat you if the Indians did not kill you. The troops are +ordered away from the forts; you'll get frontier life enough with us, +for we are going to have music with the Indians." + +Next day the troops from Fort Ripley marched past, on their way to +Kansas, to put down the Free State party. Bleeding Kansas was called on +for more blood, and United States soldiers were to sacrifice the friends +of freedom on the altar of slavery. The people of Minnesota were left +without protection from savages, that the people of Kansas might be +given over to the tender mercies of men no less barbarous than the +Sioux. + +I had run away from the irrepressible conflict, feeling that my work was +done; had fled to the great Northwest--forever consecrated to freedom by +solemn act and deed of the nation--thinking I should see no more of our +national curse, when here it confronted me as it had never done before. + +My cabin perished in a night, like Jonah's gourd--perished that liberty +might be crushed in Kansas; for without a garrison at Fort Ripley, my +project was utterly insane. + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + +THE MINNESOTA DICTATOR. + +Every day, from my arrival in St. Cloud, evidence had been accumulating +of the truth of that stage-whisper about Gen. Lowrie, who lived in a +semi-barbaric splendor, in an imposing house on the bank of the +Mississippi, where he kept slaves, bringing them from and returning +them to his Tennessee estate, at his convenience, and no man saying him +nay. + +He owned immense tracts of land; had and disposed of all the government +contracts he pleased; traveled over Europe with his salaried physician; +said to this man "go," and he went, to that "come," and he came, and to +a third "do this," and it was done. But of all his commands "go" was +most potent; for, as president of a claim club, his orders to +pre-emptors were enforced by Judge Lynch. He never condescended to go to +Congress, but sent an agent; furnished all the Democratic votes that +could possibly be wanted in any emergency, and nobody wondered when a +good list came from a precinct in which no one lived. + +Republicans on their arrival in his dominion, were converted to the +Democratic faith, fast as sinners to Christianity in a Maffitt meeting, +and those on whom the spirit fell not, kept very quiet. People had gone +there to make homes, not to fight the Southern tiger, and any attempt +against such overwhelming odds seemed madness, for Lowrie's dominion was +largely legitimate. He was one of those who are born to command--of +splendid physique and dignified bearing, superior intellect and mesmeric +fascination. His natural advantages had been increased by a liberal +education; he had been brought up among slaves, lived among Indians as +agent and interpreter, felt his own superiority, and asserted it with +the full force of honest conviction. + +On all hands he was spoken of as Dictator, and there was both love and +respect mingled with the fear by which he governed. His father was a +Presbyterian minister, who taught that slavery was divine, and both +were generous and lenient masters. He was the embodiment of the slave +power. All its brute force, pious pretenses, plausibility, chivalry, all +the good and bad of the Southern character; all the weapons of the army +of despotism were concentrated in this man, the friend of my friends, +the man who stood ready to set me on the pinnacle of social distinction +by his recognition. Across the body of the prostrate slave lay the road +to wealth, and many good men had shut their eyes and stepped over. + +The territorial government under Buchanan was a mere tool of slavery. +Every federal officer was a Southerner, or a Northern man with Southern +principles. Government gold flowed freely in that channel, and to the +eagles Gen. Lowrie had but to say, as to his other servants, "come," and +they flew into his exchequer. + +So thoroughly was Minnesota under the feet of slavery, that in +September, '60--after we thought the State redeemed--the house of +William D. Babbitt, in Minneapolis, was surrounded from midnight until +morning by a howling mob, stoning it, firing guns and pistols, +attempting to force doors and windows, and only prevented gaining +entrance by the solidity of the building and the bravery of its defense. +It was thus besieged because its owner and occupant had dared interfere +to execute the common law in favor of freedom. + +Minneapolis and its twin-city St. Anthony each had a large first-class +hotel, to which Southern people resorted in summer, bringing their +slaves, holding them often for months, and taking them back to the +South, no one daring to make objection; until one woman, Eliza Winston, +appealed to Mr. Babbitt, who took her into court, where Judge Vanderbilt +decreed her freedom, on the ground that her claimant had forfeited his +title by bringing her into a free State. + +At the rendering of this decree, Rev. Knickerbocker, rector of the only +Protestant Episcopal Church in the city, arose in open court, and +charged the judge with giving an unrighteous judgment. He condemned the +law as at war with Scripture and the rights of the master, and its +enforcement as injurious to the best interests of the community. It was +the old story of Demetrius; and the people, already keenly alive to the +profit of boarding Southern families with their servants, were glad to +have a mantle of piety thrown over their love of gain. The court room +was packed, and under the eloquent appeal of the reverend gentleman, it +soon became evident the populace would make a rush, take the woman out +of the hands of the law, and deliver her to the master. + +She and her friends had about lost hope, when an unlooked for diversion +called attention from them. The red head of "Bill King," afterwards +post-master of the U.S. House of Representatives, arose, like the +burning bush at the foot of Mount Horeb, and his stentorian voice poured +forth such a torrent of denunciation on priest-craft, such a flood of +solid swearing against the insolence and tyranny of ecclesiasticism, +that people were surprised into inactivity, until Mr. Babbitt got the +woman in his carriage and drove off with her. + +There could no longer be a question of her legal right to her own body +and soul; but her friends knew that the law of freedom had lain too long +dormant to be enforced now without further serious opposition, and Mr. +Babbitt brought into use his old training on the underground railroad to +throw the blood-hounds off the scent, so secreted the woman in the house +of Prof. Stone, and prepared his own strong residence to bear a siege. +For that siege preparations were made by the clerical party during the +afternoon and evening, without any effort at concealment, and to brute +force the besieging party added brute cunning. + +It was known that in my lecturing tours, I was often Mr. Babbitt's +guest, and might arrive at any hour. So, shortly after midnight, the +doorbell was rung, when Mr. Babbitt inquired: + +"Who is there?" + +"Mrs. Swisshelm.' + +"It is not Mrs. Swisshelm's voice?" + +"William Griffin (a colored porter) is with her." + +"It is not William Griffin's voice." + +Then, for the first time, there were signs of a multitude on the porch, +and with an oath the speaker replied: + +"We want that slave." + +"You cannot have her." + +A rush was made to burst in the door, but it was of solid walnut and +would not yield, when the assailants brought fenceposts to batter it in, +and were driven back by a shot from a revolver in the hall. The mob +retired to a safer distance, and the leader--mine host of a first-class +hotel--mounted the carriage-block and harangued his followers on the +sacred duty of securing the financial prosperity of the two cities by +restoring Eliza Winston to her owners, and made this distinct +declaration of principles: + +"I came to this State with five thousand dollars; have but five hundred +left, but will spend the last cent to see 'Bill' Babbitt's heart's +blood." + +After which heroic utterance a fresh volley of stones and shots were +fired, and fresh rush made for doors and windows. The sidelights of the +front door had been shattered, and one burly ruffian thrust himself +halfway in, but stuck, when a defender leveled a revolver at his head, +and said to Mrs. Babbitt, who was then in command of the hall, while her +husband defended the parlor windows: + +"Shall I shoot him?" + +"Yes, shoot him like a dog." + +But Mrs. Edward Messer, her sister, who knew Mr. Babbitt's dread of +taking life, knocked the pistol up and struck the ruffian's head with a +stick, when it was withdrawn, and again the mob fell back and resorted +to stones and sticks and oaths and howlings and gunshots, and threats of +firing the house. + +Mrs. Babbitt thought that personal appeals might bring citizens to the +rescue, and in an interval of black darkness between lightning flashes, +escaped through a back cellar way, and had almost reached the shelter of +a cornfield adjoining the garden, when the lightning revealed her and +three men started in pursuit. It was two months before the birth of one +of her children, and Mr. Elliott, a neighbor who was hastening to the +rescue, saw her danger and ran to engage her pursuers. Stumbling through +the corn, he encountered one and cudgeled him, but all were separated +by the darkness. Mrs. Babbitt, however, succeeded in reaching the more +thickly settled portion of the city, and the first man she called upon +for help, replied: + +"You have made your bed--lie in it!" + +The sheriff came, with two or three men, and talked to the mob, which +dispersed before daylight, with open threats to "have Babbitt's heart's +blood," and for months his family lived in momentary apprehension of his +murder. For months he was hooted at in the streets of Minneapolis as +"nigger thief," and called "Eliza." No arrests were made, and he has +always felt it fortunate that Mrs. Messer prevented the shooting of the +man in the side-light, as he thinks to this day that in the state of +public sentiment, the man firing the shot would have been hanged for +murder by any Hennepin county jury, and his home razed to the ground or +burned. + +Eliza Winston was sent by underground railroad to Canada, because +Minnesota, in the year of grace, 1860, could not or would not defend the +freedom of one declared free by decision of her own courts. + +When such events were actual facts in '60, near the center of the State, +under a Republican administration, what was the condition of public +sentiment in the northern portion of the territory in '57, when there +was scarce a pretense of law or order, and the Southern democracy held +absolute sway? I soon understood the situation; had known for years that +the Southern threats, which Northern men laughed at as "tin kettle +thunder," were the desperate utterances of lawless men, in firm alliance +with the "Hierarchy of Rome for the overthrow of this Republic." + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + +ANOTHER VISITER. + +George Brott was proprietor of lower St. Cloud and had started a paper, +_The Advertiser_, to invite immigration. There were two practical +printers in town, both property-owners, both interested in its growth, +and when the resources of _The Advertiser_ had been consumed and they +had had union rates for work done on it, they fell back on their dignity +and did nothing. They had enlisted in the wrong army, did not belong +with this band of pioneers, making its way against savage beasts and +men. They were soldiers of a union whose interests were all opposed to +those of St. Cloud, so they were looking on, waiting to see if the great +need of a paper would not compel their neighbors to pay tribute to their +union. + +Mr. Brott asked me if I would take charge of a paper and take town lots +for a salary. I told him I was an abolitionist. He laughed, and said: + +"A lady has a right to be of whatever politics she pleases," and went on +to say, that if I could recommend Minnesota to emigrants, and St. Cloud +as a town site, he cared nothing for my opinions on other points. He +thought we might unite all the town proprietors, and so raise money to +pay the printers, so I wrote to each one, asking his support to the St. +Cloud _Visiter_, as an advertising medium. All, save Gen. Lowrie, were +prompt in making favorable response; but from him I had not heard, when +there had been three issues of the paper. Mr. Brott was in the office, +and I said: + +"There is one thing more. I feel that some day I will attack Gen. +Lowrie, who is your friend. He will set Shepley on me; I will make short +work of him. Then we will have a general melee, and I will clear out +that clique. Shepley is your lawyer, and I do not want to use your press +in that way without your consent." + +While I spoke, his jaw dropped and he sat staring at me in literal +open-mouthed wonder, then threw back his head, laughed heartily and +said: + +"Oh, go ahead! I bake no bread in any of their ovens!" + +Very soon I had a letter from Gen. Lowrie, saying: + +"I myself will give the St. Cloud _Visiter_ a support second to that of +no paper in the territory, if it will support Buchanan's administration. +Otherwise I can do nothing." + +I had not finished reading, when the thought came: "Now I have you." Yet +still I knew it looked like, ah, very like a man catching a whale with a +fish hook secured to his own person, when there were a hundred chances +to one that the whale had caught him. I replied that the St. Cloud +_Visiter_ would support Mr. Buchanan's administration, since it could +not live without Gen. Lowrie's assistance, and such was his ultimatum. + +On the second day after that contract was made, brother Harry came, all +trembling with rage, and said: + +"Lowrie is telling all over town that he has bought you, and that the +_Visiter_ is to support Buchanan!" + +"It is true," was the astounding answer, when he said bad words, rushed +from the room and slammed the door. Then followed ten days, the only +ones since he became my brother when he would not call me "Sis." +Elizabeth said: + +"I would have seen Lowrie and his money in the bottom of the sea, first! +What would mother say?" + +The next issue of the _Visiter_ made no allusion to its change of base, +and there was plenty of time to discuss the question. Those who knew my +record refused to believe I had sold out, and took bets on it. However, +the next number contained an editorial which relieved the minds of +friends, but which created the gravest apprehension. It stated that the +_Visiter_ would, in future, support Buchanan's administration, and went +on to state the objects of that administration as being the entire +subversion of Freedom and the planting of Slavery in every State and +Territory, so that Toombs could realize his boast, and call the roll of +his slaves at the foot of Bunker Hill. It reminded its readers that John +Randolph had said in the United States Senate when speaking to Northern +men: + +"We have driven you to the wall, and will drive you there again, and +next time we will keep you there and nail you to the counter like base +money." + +Mr. Buchanan, a Northern man, had fulfilled the prediction. Henry Clay +had said that Northern workingmen were "mudsills, greasy mechanics and +small-fisted farmers." These mudsills had been talking of voting +themselves farms; but it would be much more appropriate if they would +vote themselves masters. Southern laborers were blessed with kind +masters, and Mr. Buchanan and the St. Cloud _Visiter_ were most anxious +that Northern laborers should be equally well provided for. + +When the paper was read, there was a cry of "Sold! Sold! Lowrie had sold +himself instead of buying the _Visiter_." At first there was a laugh, +then a dead stillness of dread, and men looked at me as one doomed. + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + +BORDER RUFFIANISM. + +In Lowrie's first ebulition of wrath, he vowed vengeance, but an +intimate friend of his, who had been a Democrat in Pittsburg, begged him +to do nothing and said: + +"Let her alone, for God's sake! Let her alone, or she will kill you. I +know her, and you do not. She has killed every man she ever touched. Let +her alone!" + +But Lowrie knew it was too late for letting alone, and sent me a verbal +message, by one he knew I would believe, that I must stop or the +consequences would be fatal. Stopping was no part of my plan, and so I +told his messenger. + +The second number of Buchanan's organ explained how it was that I became +a supporter of a policy I had so long opposed. Gen. Lowrie owned +Northern Minnesota, land and inhabitants, bought folks up as fast as +they came to it, and had bought me. He was going to support the +_Visiter_ great power and glory, if it gave satisfaction as a democratic +organ. I would work hard for the money, and it would be odd if any one +gave Mr. Buchanan a more enthusiastic support than I. Indeed, I was his +only honest supporter. All the others pretended he was going to do +something quite foreign to his purpose, while I was in his confidence. +The one sole object of his administration was the perpetuation and +spread of slavery, and this object the _Visiter_ would support with the +best arguments in its power. + +This was vitriol dressing on a raw wound, and the suppression of the +_Visiter_ was expected by Judge Lynch. Brave men held their breath to +see me beard the lion in his den, not knowing my armor as I did. + +Then came an announcement with a great flourish of trumpets of a lecture +on "Woman," by the Hon. Shepley, the great legal light and democratic +orator of Minnesota. The lecture was delivered in due time to a densely +packed house, and was as insulting as possible. The lecture divided +women into four classes--coquettes, flirts, totally depraved, and +strong-minded. He painted each class and found some redeeming trait in +all save the last. + +The speaker might as well have named me as the object of his attack, and +his charges thus publicly made were not to be misunderstood. At every +point there were rounds and shouts of applause by clacquers, and brother +Harry once rose in a towering rage, but I dragged him down and begged +him to keep quiet. + +In my review of the lecture, I praised it, commended its eloquence and +points, but suggested that the learned gentleman had not included all +women in his classification. For instance, he had left out the frontier +belle who sat up all night playing cards with gentlemen; could beat any +man at a game of poker, and laugh loud enough to be heard above the +roaring of a river. In this I struck at gambling as a social amusement, +which was then rapidly coming into fashion in our little city, and which +to me was new and alarming. + +Mr. Shepley pretended to think that the picture resembled his wife, and +this idea was seized upon as drowning men catch at straws. Behind this +they sought to conceal the whole significance of the quarrel. Gen. +Lowrie cared not for my attacks on himself. Oh, no, indeed! He was +suddenly seized by a fit of chivalry, and would defend to the death, a +lady whom he had never seen. + +An effort was made to dispose of me by mob, as a means of clearing the +moral atmosphere of the city. It was being discussed in a grocery while +"Tom" Alden lay on the counter. He rose, brought down his big fist, and +with a preface of oaths, said: + +"Now, boys, I tell you what it is. We're Democrats. This is a fight +between her and Lowrie, and we're going to see fair play. If she licks +him, let him take it. No woman is going to be mobbed in this city! So +there!" + +Gen. Lowrie hid an uncle who lived with him, a very eccentric, +single-minded man, who was greatly distressed about the affair, and who +became a messenger bent on making peace. He begged me to desist for +Lowrie's sake, that I might not drive him to cover himself with shame, +and bring lasting regret. He insisted that I knew nothing of the dangers +which environed me; I would be secretly murdered, with personal +indignities; would be tied to a log and set afloat on the Mississippi. +I had no wish to court danger--shrank from the thought of brute force; +but if I let this man escape, his power, now tottering, would be +re-established; slavery triumphant in the great Northwest; Minnesota +confirmed a democratic strong-hold, sending delegates of dough-faces to +Congress to aid in the great conspiracy against the nation's life. So I +told the messenger that I would continue to support Buchanan's +administration, that I would pile my support upon it until it broke down +under the weight and sunk into everlasting infamy. + +The night after I had sent this, as my final answer to the offer of +leniency, the _Visiter_ was visited by three men in the "wee sma' hours, +anent the twal," the press broken, some of the type thrown into the +river, some scattered on the road, and this note left on the table: + +"If you ever again attempt to publish a paper in St. Cloud, you yourself +will be as summarily dealt with as your office has been.----VIGILANCE." + +The morning brought intense excitement and the hush of a great fear. Men +walked down to the bank of the great Mississippi, looked at the little +wrecked office standing amid the old primeval forest, as if it were a +great battle-ground, and the poor little type were the bodies of the +valiant dead. They only spoke in whispers, and stood as if in +expectation of some great event, until Judge Gregory arrived, and said, +calmly: + +"Gentlemen, this is an outrage which must be resented. The freedom of +the press must be established if we do not want our city to become the +center of a gang of rowdies who will drive all decent people away and +cut off immigration. I move that we call a public meeting at the Stearns +House this evening, to express the sentiments of the people at St. +Cloud." + +This motion was carried unanimously, but very quietly, and I said: + +"Gentlemen, I will attend that meeting and give a history of this +affair." + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + +SPEAK IN PUBLIC. + +At length the time had come when I could no longer skulk behind a +printing press. That bulwark had been torn down, and now I must +literally open my mouth for the dumb, or be one of those dogs spoken of +in Scripture who would not bark. The resolve to speak at that meeting +had come in an instant as a command not to be questioned, and I began to +prepare. James McKelvey, a lawyer, and nephew of my husband, drew my +will and I executed it, settled my business and wrote a statement of the +_Visiter_ trouble that it might live if I ceased to do so, then went to +bed, sent for Miles Brown to come to my room, and saw him alone. + +He was a Pennsylvanian, who had the reputation of being a dead shot, and +had a pair of fine revolvers. He pledged himself solemnly to go with me +and keep near me, and shoot me square through the brain, if there was no +other way of preventing me falling alive into the hands of the mob. My +mind was then at ease, and I slept until my mail was brought. In it was +a letter from William M. Shinn, saying that without his knowledge, my +husband had succeeded in having my one-third interest in the Swissvale +estate sold at sheriff's sale, and had become the purchaser. Mr. Shinn +added his opinion that the sale was fraudulent, and proposed entering +suit to have it set aside; but I could attend to no suit and lost all +hope of saving anything from my separate estate. Surely the hand of the +Lord lay heavily upon me that day, but I never doubted that it was His +hand. The Good Shepherd would lead me and feed me and I should know no +want. + +When it was time to go to the meeting, I was dressed by other hands than +my own. I knew Harry and my brother-in-law, Henry Swisshelm, had +organized for defense, and asked no questions, but went with them. +Elizabeth carried her camphor bottle as coolly as if mobs and public +meetings were things of every day life, while Mrs. Hyke, a New England +woman, held my arm, saying: + +"We'll have a nice time in the river together, for I am going in with +you. They can't separate us." + +As we approached the Stearns House, the crowd thickened and pressed upon +us. Harry stopped and said: + +"Gentlemen, stand back, if you please!" + +The guard closed around me, every man with his hand on his revolver. +There were oaths and growls, but the mob gave way, and made no further +opposition to our entrance. + +The meeting was called to order by Thomas Stearns, the owner of the +house and for whom the county had been named, who with his brave wife +had made every possible arrangement for the meeting. The large parlors +were packed with women, and every other foot of space downstairs and +even up, were filled with men, while around the house was a crowd. It +was a wonder where all the people could have come from. A rostrum had +been erected at the end of the parlor next the hall, but I had no sooner +taken it than there was an ominous murmur outside, and it was discovered +that my head made a tempting target for a shot through the front door, +so the rostrum was moved out of range. + +There was not much excitement until I named Gen. Lowrie and two other +men as the persons who had destroyed the _Visiter_ office. Then there +was a perfect howl of oaths and cat-calls. Gen. Lowrie was on the ground +himself, loading his forces outside. A rush was made, stones hurled +against the house, pistols fired, and every woman sprang to her feet, +but it was to hear and see, not shriek. Harry held the doorway into the +hall; Henry that into the dining room. Brown had joined Harry, and I +said in a low, concentrated voice: + +"Brown." + +He turned and pressed up to the rostrum. + +"Don't fail me! Don't leave me! Remember!" + +"I remember! Don't be afraid! I'll do it! But I'm going to do some other +shooting first." + +"Save two bullets for me!" I plead, "and shoot so that I can see you." + +"I will, I will," but all the time he was looking to the door; Mrs. Hyke +was clinging to me sobbing: + +"We'll go together; no one can part us." The mob were pressed back and +comparative quiet restored, and when I finished the reading of my +address I began to extemporize. What I said seemed to be the right words +at the right time. A hushed attention fell upon the audience, inside and +out. Then there was applause inside, which called forth howls from the +outside, and when I stepped from the platform, I was overwhelmed with +congratulations, and more astonished than any one, to learn that I could +speak in public. + +T.H. Barrett, a young civil engineer, was chairman of the committee on +resolutions, and brought in a set which thrilled the audience. They were +a most indignant denunciation of the destruction of the office, an +enthusiastic endorsement of the course of the _Visiter_, and a +determination to re-establish it, under the sole control of its editor. +They were passed singly by acclamation until the last, when I protested +that they should take time to think--should consider if it were not +better to get another editor. There could be no peace with me in the +editorial chair, for I was an abolitionist and would light slavery and +woman-whippers to the death, and after it. There was a universal +response of "Good! Good! give it to 'em, and we'll stand by you." + +This was the beginning of the final triumph of free speech, but the end +was yet in the dim distance, and this I knew then as well as afterwards. +T.H. Barrett, who carried that meeting, is the man who fought the last +battle of the Rebellion at the head of his negro troops away down in +Texas, ten days after Lee's surrender, and before that news had reached +him, Brown was charged with cowardice, in having kept back among the +women, and I had to explain on his account. + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + +A FAMOUS VICTORY. + +The day after the Stearns House meeting, I was thought to be dying. All +that medical skill and loving hands could do was done to draw me from +the dark valley into which I seemed to have passed; while those men who +had planted themselves and their rifles between me and death by +violence, came on tip-toe to know if I yet lived. When I was able to be +out it was not thought safe for me to do so--not even to cross the +street and sit on the high green bank which overlooked the river. Harry +was constantly armed and on guard, and a pistol shot from his house, +night or day, would have brought a score of armed men in a very short +time. + +A printing company had been formed to re-establish the _Visiter_. In it +were forty good men and true, and they sent an agent to Chicago to buy +press and type. The St. Cloud _Visiter_ was to begin a new life as the +mouthpiece of the Republican party, and I was no longer a scout, +conducting a war on the only rational plan of Indian warfare. I begged +my friends to stand abide and leave Lowrie and me to settle the trouble, +saying to them: + +"I cannot fight behind ramparts of friends. I must take the risks +myself, must have an open field. Protect me from brute force and give me +moral aid, but stand aside." + +But they were full of enthusiasm, and would bear the brunt of battle. +There were open threats of the destruction of the new press, and it was +no time to quit the field. Of the first number of the resurrected +_Visiter_, the St. Cloud Printing Co. was publisher, and I sole editor. +I prepared the contents very carefully, that they might not give +unnecessary offense, dropped the role of supporting Buchanan, and tried +to make a strong Republican paper of the abolition type, and in the +leader gave a history of the destruction of my office. + +The paper gave great satisfaction to the publishers, who had not thought +I could be so calm; but Lowrie threatened a libel suit for my history of +that outrage, and I said to the printing company: + +"You must get out of my way or I will withdraw." + +At once they gave me a bill of sale for the press and material, and of +the second number I was sole editor and proprietor, but it was too late. +The libel suit was brought, damages laid at $10,000, and every lawyer in +that upper country retained for the prosecution. + +This was in the spring of '58. The two years previous the country had +been devastated by grasshoppers, and no green thing had escaped. There +was no old grain, the mass of people had been speculating in town lots, +and such had been the demand for city charters, that a wag moved in +legislature to reserve one-tenth of the land of Minnesota for +agricultural purposes. The territorial had just been exchanged for a +state government, which was not yet in working order. The capital of +every man in the printing company was buried in corner lots, or lots +which were not on a corner. The wolves and bears cared nothing for +surveyor's stakes, and held possession of most of the cities, howling +defiance at the march of civilization. The troops were still in Kansas +establishing slavery, and we lived in a constant state of alarm. The men +were organized for defense against Indians, and must do picket duty. All +the money was in the hands of the enemy. Citizens had everything to buy +and nothing to buy it with. Provisions were brought up from St. Paul by +wagon, except when a boat could come from St. Anthony. Those men of the +company who were especially marked, were men of families, and it is hard +to starve children for the freedom of the press. The nearest court was +St. Anthony. Any defense of that suit must be ruinous to those men, and +I advised them to compromise. + +A committee was appointed to meet six lawyers, and were in despair when +they learned the ultimatum of the great Dictator. With the terms +demanded, they had no inclination to comply, but sent J. Fowler to me +with the contract they were required to sign. + +This bound the company in a bond of $10,000 actual payment, that the +_St. Cloud Visiter_ should publish in its columns a card from Mr. +Shepley, of which a copy was appended, and which stated that the +destruction of the office was not for any political cause, but was +solely on account of an attack made by its editor on the reputation of a +lady. Also, that said _Visiter_ should never again discuss or refer to +the destruction of its office. + +Fowler burned with indignation, and was much surprised when I returned +the paper, saying that I would comply with these demands. He protested +that I should not--that they had set out to defend the freedom of the +press. + +"Which you cannot do," I remarked. "You sign that paper just as you +would hand your money to a robber who held a pistol to your head and +demanded it. There is a point at which the bravest must yield, where +resistance is madness, and you have reached this point. The press is +mine, leave its freedom to me. Defend me from brute force and do your +duty to your families." + +He returned to the consultation room, where every one was surprised at +my compliance. They had all given me credit for more pluck, but since I +surrendered, the case was lost. The contract was signed, the bond +executed, and everything made tight and fast as law could make it. The +friends of free press were indignant, but bided their time. Stephen +Miller, a nephew of my mother-in-law, and afterwards governor of +Minnesota, was on a visit to Harrisburg during all this trouble, and +when he returned, he flew into a towering rage over what he termed the +cowardly backdown of the printing company, and published a card in the +St. Paul papers, washing his hands of it. + +But to the victors belong the spoils and glory, and now they made much +of them. Ladies got out their silks, their jewels and their laces. There +were sounds of revelry by night, where fair women and gallant men drew +around the social board, on which sparkled the wine-cup and glimmered +the yellow gold, to be taken up by the winner. Champagne was drunk in +honor of the famous victory, hands were shaken over it, stray sheep +were brought back into the true Democratic fold, and late opinions about +presses and types were forgotten. + +Though, among all the rejoicings, the Bar had the best of it. For once +its members had not been like the blades of a pair of scissors; had not +even seemed to cut each other, while only cutting that which came +between. For once its members were a band of brothers, concentrated into +one sharp, keen dagger, with which they had stabbed Freedom to the +heart. That triumphant Bar stroked its bearded chin, and parted its +silky mustache; hem'd its wisest hem; haw'd its most impressive haw. + +"If Gen. Lowrie had ah, but ah, taken legal advice ah, in the first +instance ah, all would have been well ah!" + +They were the generals who had won this famous victory, and wore their +laurels with a jaunty air, while a learned and distinguished divine from +the center of the State, in a sermon, congratulated the Lord on having +succeeded in "restoring peace to this community, lately torn by +dissensions,"--and all was quiet on the Mississippi. + +On its bank sat poor little I, looking out on its solemn march to the +sea, thinking of Minnesota; sending a wail upon its bosom to meet and +mingle with that borne by the Missouri from Kansas; thinking of a +sad-faced slave, who landed with her babe in her arms here, just in +front of my unfinished loft, performed the labor of a slave in this free +Northern land, and embarked from this same landing to go to a Tennessee +auction block, nobody saying to the master, "Why do ye this?" Against +the power which thus trampled constitutional guarantees, congressional +enactments and State rights in the dust, I seemed to stand alone, with +my hands tied--stood in a body weighing just one hundred pounds, and +kept in it by the most assiduous care. I was learning to set type, and +as I picked the bits of lead from the labeled boxes, there ran the old +tune of St. Thomas, carrying through my brain these words: + + "Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale, + Yet will I fear none ill." + +Why did the heathen rage and kings vex themselves? God, even our God, +should dash them together like potsherds. What an uneven fight it +was--God and I against that little clique--against a world! + +I rented the office to the boys, who at once gave me notice that I was +no longer wanted in it. They issued a half-sheet _Visiter_, with "the +Devil" as editor and proprietor. His salutatory informed his readers, +that he was in full possession and was going to have a good time; had +taught the _Visiter_ to lie, and was going to tunnel the Mississippi. +Those were bright boys, and they had a jolly week. Mr. Shepley's card +appeared, as per agreement, and thus far the terms of release for the +printing company complied with, and the contract with the _Dictator_ +filled. But what next? Had I actually given up the publication? Of +course I had. Its finances were desperate, and what else could I do? +What motive could I have for attempting to go on with it? Oh, what a +famous victory. The next publication day passed and no _Visiter_. There +was a dress parade of triumphant troops, and that most famous victory +was bearing fruit. + +Next day the _St. Cloud Democrat_ made its appearance, and I was sole +editor and proprietor. Into the first editorial column I copied +verbatim, with a prominent heading, the article from the _Visiter_ on +which the libel suit was founded, and gave notice that I alone was +pecuniarily responsible for all the injury that could possibly be done +to the characters of all the men who might feel themselves aggrieved +thereby. Of the late _Visiter_ I had an obituary; gave a short sketch of +its stormy life; how it was insulted, overborne, enslaved; that it could +not live a slave, and died in its new chains. + +It seems strange that those lawyers should have been so stupid, or +should have accredited me with such amazing stupidity when they drew up +that bond; but so it was, and the tables were completely turned. To sue +me for libel was folly, for in St. Paul or St. Anthony I should have had +the gratuitous services of the best legal talent in the state, and they +and their case would have been ground into very small and dirty dust. No +famous victory was ever before turned into a more total rout by a more +simple ambush, and by it I won the clear field necessary to the +continuance of my work. + +I still had protection from physical violence, but had no fear of legal +molestation, and after the next fall election, border ruffianism fell +into such disrepute in St. Cloud that loaded guns seemed no longer +necessary to sustain the freedom of the press. + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + + +STATE AND NATIONAL POLITICS. + +When _The St. Cloud Democrat_ began its career as the organ of the +Republican party in Northern Minnesota, the central and southern +portions of the State were fairly supplied with republican papers, the +conductors all being more or less skillful in the art of plowing and +sowing the political field; but with no very bright prospect of +harvesting a victory. Under the Lowrie dictatorship of the North, it is +difficult to see how the success of a Republican could have been made +possible, any more than giving the electoral vote of Southern Republican +States to the Republican candidate in 1880. + +To overthrow that dictatorship was the work I had volunteered to do, and +in doing it, my plan was to "plow deep," subsoil to the beam. Preachers +held men accountable to God for their Sunday services, but it was my aim +to urge the divine claim to obedience, all the rest of the week. I held +that election day was of all others, the Lord's day. He instituted the +first republic. All the training which Moses gave the Jews was to fit +them for self-government, and at his death the choice of their rulers +was left with them and they were commanded to + + "Choose men, fearing God and hating covetousness, + and set them to rule over you." + +For no creed, no form of worship, no act of his life, is a man more +directly responsible to God, than for casting his vote or the +non-fulfillment of that duty. When the nominations were made for the +second State election in 1859, Gen. Lowrie had lost ground so fast that +he needed the indorsement of his party. This was given in his nomination +for Lieut. Governor. The Republicans nominated Ignatius Donnelly, a +fiery young orator, who took the stump, and was not deterred by any +super-refinement from making the most of his opponent's reputation as +the stealthy destroyer of a printing office, because he had made a bad +bargain in buying its editor. He and the party which had made his +methods its own by nominating him, were held up to the most unmerciful +ridicule. The canvass seemed to turn on the indorsement or repudiation +of border-ruffianism, press-breaking, woman-mobbing. My _personnel_ had +then become familiar to the people of the State, and the large man who +instituted a mob to suppress a woman of my size, and then failed, was +not a suitable leader for American men, even if they were Democrats. + +The death-knell of Democratic rule in Minnesota was rung in that +election. The whole Republican State ticket was elected, with Gov. +Ramsey at its head, and he was the first Governor to tender troops to +President Lincoln for the suppression of the Rebellion. The result was +gratifying, although our own county, Stearns, was overwhelmingly +Democratic, and must remain so, since the great mass of the people were +Catholics. + +However, the election of the State ticket was largely due to the +personal popularity of Gov. Ramsey, and this could not be depended upon +for a lasting arrangement, so I spent the winter following lecturing +through the State, sowing seed for the coming presidential campaign. I +never spoke in public during an election excitement, never advocated on +the platform the claims of any particular man, but urged general +principles. + +Stephen Miller was our St. Cloud delegate to the Chicago Convention +which nominated Mr. Lincoln, led the canvass in the State, as the most +efficient speaker and was chairman of the Electoral College. His +prominent position in the Border Ruffian war added largely to his +popularity in the State, and once more that little printing office under +the grand old trees was plunged into politics; this time into an +election on which hung the destinies of the nation. How that election +was carried on in other States I know not, but in Minnesota the banner +of Republicanism and human freedom was borne aloft over a well fought +field. There was not much surface work. Men struggled for the Right +against the old despotism of Might, and planted their cause on +foundations more enduring than Minnesota granite itself. + +Yet, even then, the opposition of the Garrisonians was most persistent. +There was a large anti-slavery element among the original settlers of +Minnesota, but it was mostly of the Garrisonian or non-voting type, and +had lain dormant under pro-slavery rule. To utilize this element at the +polls was my special desire. The ground occupied by them was the one I +had abandoned, _i.e._, the ground made by the Covenanters when the +Constitution first appeared. They pronounced it "a covenant with death +and an agreement with hell," and would not vote or hold office under it; +would not take an oath to support it. So firmly had Garrison planted +himself on the old Covenanter platform, that it is doubtful whether he +labored harder for the overthrow of slavery or political anti-slavery; +whether he more fiercely denounced slave-holders or men who voted +against slave-holding. Once after a "flaming" denunciation of political +abolitionists, some one said to him: + +"Mr. Garrison, I am surprised at the ground you take! Do you not think +James G. Birney and Gerrit Smith are anti-slavery?" + +He hesitated, and replied: + +"They have anti-slavery tendencies, I admit." + +Now, James G. Birney, when a young man, fell heir to the third of an +Alabama estate, and arranged with the other heirs to take the slaves as +his portion. He took them all into a free State, emancipated them, and +left himself without a dollar, but went to work and became the leader of +political abolitionists, while Gerrit Smith devoted his splendid talents +and immense wealth to the cause of the slave. When their mode of action +was so reprehensible to Mr. Garrison, we may judge the strength of his +opposition to that plan of action which resulted in the overthrow of +slavery. His non-resistance covered ballots as well as bullets, and +slavery, the creation of brute force and ballots, must not be attacked +by any weapon, save moral suasion. So it was, that Garrisonianism, off +the line of the underground railroad, was a rather harmless foe to +slavery, and was often used by it to prevent the casting of votes which +would endanger its power. + +From the action of the slave power, it must by that time have been +apparent to all, that adverse votes was what it most dreaded; but +old-side Covenanters, Quakers, and Garrisonians could not cast these +without soiling their hands by touching that bad Constitution. But that +moral _dilettanteism_, which thinks first of its own hands, was not +confined to non-voting abolitionists; for the "thorough goers" of the +old Liberty Party, could not come down from their perch on platforms +which embraced all the moralities, to work on one which only said to +slavery "not another foot of territory." + +Both these parties attacked me. The one argued that I, of necessity, +endorsed slavery every where by recognizing the Constitution; the other +that I must favor its existence where it then was, by working with the +Republican party, which was only pledged to prevent its extension. To +me, these positions seemed utterly untenable, their arguments +preposterous, and I did my best to make this appear. I claimed the +Constitution as anti-slavery, and taught the duty of overthrowing +slavery by and through it, but no argument which I used did half the +service of an illustration which came to me: + +I had a little garden in which the weeds did grow, and little Bobbie +Miller had a little broken hoe. When I went into my garden to cut the +weeds away, I took up Bobbie's little hoe to help me in the fray. If +that little hoe were wanting, I'd take a spoon or fork, or any other +implement, but always keep at work. If any one would send me a broader, +sharper hoe, I'd use it on those ugly weeds and cut more with one blow; +but till I got a better hoe, I'd work away with Bobbie's. I'd ride one +steady-going nag, and not a dozen hobbies; help any man or boy, or +fiend to do what needed doing, and only stop when work came up which +done would call for ruing. + +This conceit struck popular fancy as plain argument could not have done, +and the Republican party came to be called "Robbie Miller's Hoe "--an +imperfect means of reaching a great end, and one that any one might use +without becoming responsible for its imperfections. + +During the heat of that Lincoln campaign, Galusha A. Grow, then Speaker +of the U.S. House of Representatives, came to St. Cloud to speak, and +found me ill with quinsy; but I went to the meeting. It was held in +Wilson's Hall, which was on the second floor of a frame building, and +was so packed that before he began fears were felt lest the floors +should give way. But the speaker told the audience that the floor would +"hold still" if they did; and any one who felt uneasy had better leave +now. No one left, and for two hours and a half he held that packed +assembly in close and silent attention. He was very popular on the +frontier on account of his homestead bill, yet the hall was surrounded +all the time he spoke by a howling Democratic mob, who hurled stones +against the house, fired guns, shouted and yelled, trying to drown his +voice. To make it more interesting and try to draw out the audience, +they made a huge bonfire and burned me in effigy as-- + +"The mother of the Republican party." + +The result of that campaign is known, for in it Minnesota was made so +thoroughly Republican that the party must needs split, in order to got +rid of its supremacy. + + + +CHAPTER XLII. + + +RELIGIOUS CONTROVERSIES. + +The _St. Cloud Democrat_ found in orthodoxy a foe almost as powerful and +persistent as slavery itself. In a local controversy about dancing, I +recommended that amusement as the only substitute for lascivious plays, +and this was eagerly seized upon by those who saw nothing wrong in +wholesale concubinage of the South. A fierce attack was made on _The +Democrat_ by a zealous Baptist minister; to which I replied, when it was +announced and proclaimed that on a certain Sabbath, at 10 A.M., this +minister would answer _The Democrat_. At the appointed hour the house +overflowed, and people crowded around the doors and windows, while Gen. +Lowrie occupied a prominent seat in the audience. + +It surely was an odd sight to see that preacher mount the stand, +carrying an open copy of _The Democrat_, lay it down beside the Bible, +and read verse about from the two documents. The sermon was as odd as +the text. It disposed of me by the summary mode of denunciation, but +also disposed of David, Solomon and Miriam at the same time. When I gave +the discourse a careful Scriptural criticism, I carried the community, +and was strengthened by the controversy. But another, more serious and +general dispute was at hand. + +When Theodore Parker died, the orthodox press from Maine to Georgia, +handed him over to Satan to be tormented; and then my reputation for +heresy reached its flood-tide. + +Rev. John Renwick, one of our Covenanter martyrs, was my ideal of a +Christian, and when he lay in the Edinburg prison under sentence of +death, his weeping friends begged him to conform and save his life. They +said to him: + +"Dinna ye think that we, who ha' conformit may be saved?" + +"Aye, aye. God forbid that I should limit his grace." + +"An' dinna ye think, ye too could be saved and conform?" + +"Oh, aye aye. The blood of Christ cleanseth fra all sin." + +"Weel, what mair do ye want, than the salvation o' yer saul?" + +"Mair, mickle mair! I want to honor my Master, and bear witness to the +truth." + +To satisfy this want, he died a felon's death. The central idea of that +old hero-making Westminster theology was, that man's chief end is to +glorify God first, and enjoy him forever when that is done. In all the +religious training of my youth, I had never heard the term "seek +salvation." We were to seek the privilege of serving God; yet I was +willing to be dead-headed into heaven, with the rest of the +Presbyterians. + +A Protestant Episcopal convention had pointedly refused to advise +members of that church to respect the marriage relation among their +slaves, and so had dimmed the Elizabethian glory of a church which once +stood for freedom so nobly that the winds and waves became her allies, +and crowned her with victory. The General Assembly had laid the honor of +its martyrs in the dust by endorsing human slavery; and I must be false +to every conviction if I did not protest against calling that +Christianity which held out crowns of glory to man-thieves and their +abettors, and everlasting torments to those who had spent their lives +glorifying God and bearing witness to the truth. My defense of Parker +and unwillingness to have all Unitarians sent to the other side of the +Great Gulf, won for me a prominent place among those whom the churches +pronounced "Infidels." + +But there came a time when "Providence" seemed to be on the side of the +slave. + +Rev. J. Calhoun was a highly-cultured gentleman, a Presbyterian +clergyman, and one of those urbane men who add force and dignity to any +opinion. His wife was Gen. Lowrie's only sister. He preached +gratuitously in St. Cloud, and Border Ruffianism and Slavery gained +respectability through their connection, when he and his wife made that +fatal plunge off the bridge in St. Cloud--a plunge which sent a thrill +of horror through the land. I accompanied my sympathetic, respectful +obituary notice, with the statement that the costly cutter wrecked, and +the valuable horse instantly killed, were both purchased with money +obtained by the sale of a woman and her child, who had been held as +slaves in Minnesota, in defiance of her law, and been taken by this +popular divine to a Tennessee auction block. + +The accident was entirely owing to the unprecedented and unaccountable +behavior of that horse, and people shuddered with a new horror on being +reminded of the price which had been paid for him--bodies and souls of +two citizens and the honor of that free State. + + + +CHAPTER XLIII. + + +FRONTIER LIFE. + +The culture which the pale faces introduced into that land of the +Dakotas was sometimes curious. The first sermon I heard there was +preached in Rockville--a town-site on the Sauk, twelve miles from its +confluence with the Mississippi--in a store-room of which the roof was +not yet shingled. The only table in the town served as a pulpit; the red +blankets from one wagon were converted into cushions for the front pews, +which consisted of rough boards laid on trussles. There was only one +hymn book, and after reading the hymn, the preacher tendered the book to +any one who would lead the singing, but no one volunteered. My scruples +about psalms seemed to vanish, so I went forward, took the book, lined +out the hymn, and started a tune, which was readily taken up and sung by +all present. We were well satisfied with what the day brought us, as we +rode home past those wonderful granite rocks which spring up out of the +prairie, looking like old hay-ricks in a meadow. + +There were people in our frontier town who would have graced any +society, and with the elasticity of true culture adapted themselves to +all circumstances. At my residence, which adjoined the _Democrat_ +office, I held fortnightly receptions, at which dancing was the +amusement, and coffee and sandwiches the refreshments. At one of these, +I had the honor to entertain Gov. Ramsey, Lieut.-Gov. Donnelly, State +Treas. Shaeffer, and a large delegation from St. Paul; but not having +plates for seventy people, I substituted squares of white printing +paper. When Gov. Ramsey received his, he turned it over, and said: + +"What am I to do with this?" + +"That is the ticket you are to vote," was the answer. + +In our social life there was often a weird mingling of civilization and +barbarism. Upon one occasion, a concert was given, in which the audience +were in full dress, and all evening in the principal streets of St. +Cloud a lot of Chippewas played foot-ball with the heads of some Sioux, +with whom they had been at war that day. + +In those days, brains and culture were found in shanties. The leaders of +progress did not shrink from association with the rude forces of savages +and mother nature. + +St. Cloud was the advance post of that march of civilization by which +the Northern Pacific railroad has since sought to reach the +Sascatchewan, a territory yet to be made into five wheat-growing States +as large as Illinois. All the Hudson Bay goods from Europe passed our +doors, in wagons or on sleds, under the care of the Burbanks, the great +mail carriers and express men of Minnesota, and once they brought a +young lady who had come by express from Glasgow, Scotland, and been +placed under the charge of their agent at New York, and whom they handed +over to the officer she had come to marry on the shores of Hudson Bay. +But their teams usually came east with little freight, as the furs sent +to Europe came down in carts, not one of which had so much iron as a +nail in them, and which came in long, creaking trains, drawn by oxen or +Indian ponies. + +In each train there was generally one gorgeous equipage--a cart painted +blue, with a canvas cover, drawn by one large white ox in raw-hide +harness. In this coach of state rode the lady of the train--who was +generally a half-breed--on her way to do her shopping in St. Paul. Once +the lady was a full-blooded Indian, and had her baby with her, neatly +dressed and strapped to a board. A bandage across the forehead held the +head in place, and every portion of the body was as secure as board and +bandages could make them, except the arms from the elbow down, but no +danger of the little fellow sucking his thumb. His lady mamma did not +have to hold him, for he was stood up in a corner like a cane or +umbrella, and seemed quite comfortable as well as content. She had +traveled seven weeks, had come seventeen hundred miles to purchase some +dresses and trinkets, and would no doubt be a profitable customer to St. +Paul merchants, for the lady of the train was a person of wealth and +authority, always the wife of the commander-in-chief, and her sentence +of death might have been fatal to any man in it. + +In these trains were always found Indians filling positions as useful +laborers, for the English government never gave premiums for idleness +and vagabondism among Indians, by feeding and clothing them without +effort on their own part. Their dexterity in turning griddle cakes, by +shaking the pan and giving it a jerk which sent the cake up into the air +and brought it down square into the pan other side up, would have made +Biddy's head whirl to see. The "Gov. Ramsey" was the first steamboat +which ran above the falls of St. Anthony, and in the spring of '59 she +was steamed and hawsered up the Sauk Rapids, and ran two hundred miles, +until the falls of Pokegamy offered insurmountable barriers to further +progress. It was thought impossible to get her down again, there was no +business for her, and she lay useless until, the next winter, Anson +Northup took out her machinery and drew it across on sleds to the Red +River of the North, where it was built into the first steamboat which +ever ran on that river. + +Before starting on his expedition, Mr. Northup came to the _Democrat_ +office to leave an advertisement and ask me to appeal to the public for +aid in provisions and feed to be furnished along the route. He was in a +Buffalo suit, from his ears to his feet, and looked like a bale of furs. +On his head he wore a fox skin cap with the nose lying on the two paws +of the animal just between his eyes, the tail hanging down between his +shoulders. He was a brave, strong man, and carried out his project, +which to most people was wild. + +Nothing seemed more important than the cultivation of health for the +people, and to this I gave much earnest attention, often expressed in +the form of badinage. There were so many young housekeepers that there +was much need of teachers. I tried to get the New England women to stop +feeding their families on dough--especially hot soda dough--and to +substitute well-baked bread as a steady article of diet. In trying to +wean them from cake, I told of a time when chaos reigned on earth, long +before the days of the mastodons, but even then, New England women were +up making cake, and would certainly be found at that business when the +last trump sounded. But they bore with my "crotchets" very patiently, +and even seemed to enjoy them. + + + +CHAPTER XLIV. + + +PRINTERS. + +The printer's case used to be one of the highways to editorial and +congressional honors; but the little fellows of the craft invented a +machine which goes over it like a "header" over a wheat-field and leaves +a dead level of stalks, all minus the heads, so that no tall fellows are +left to shame them by passing on from the "stick" to the tripod or +speaker's mallet. Their great Union rolling-pin flattens them all out +like pie-crust, and tramps are not overshadowed by the superiority of +industrious men. But the leveling process makes impassable mountains and +gorges in other walks of life--makes it necessary that a publisher with +one hundred readers must pay as much for type-setting as he with a +hundred thousand. The salary of editors and contributors may vary from +nothing to ten thousand a year; but through all mutations of this life, +the printer's wages must remain in _statu quo_. So the Union kills small +papers, prevents competition in the newspaper business, builds up +monster establishments, and keeps typos at the case forever and a day. + +I knew when the _Visiter_ started that it could not live and pay for +type-setting the same price as paid by the New York _Tribune_, and the +day the office became mine, I stated that fact to the printers, who took +their hats and left. In '52, I had spent some part of every day for two +weeks in a composing room, and with the knowledge then acquired, I, in +'58 started the business of practical printer. I took a proof of my +first stick, and lo, it read from right to left. I distributed that, but +had to mark the stick that I might remember. + +The first day I took two boys as apprentices. First, Wesley Miller, who +had spent two months in a Harrisburg office, and knew something of the +art, but did not like anything about it except working the press. +Second, my nephew, William B. Mitchell, who was thirteen, knew nothing +of types, but was a model of patient industry. + +Our magnanimous printers hung around hotels, laughing at the absurdity +of this amateur office. We might set type, but when it came to making +and locking up a form, ha, ha, wouldn't there be sport? That handsome +new type would all be a mess of pi, then somebody would be obliged to +come to their terms or St. Cloud would be without a paper. It was their +great opportunity to display their interest in the general welfare, and +they embraced it to the full; but of the little I had learned in that +short apprenticeship six years ago, I retained a clear conception of the +principles of justification by works. I brought these to bear on those +forms, made them up, locked them, and sent for Stephen Miller to carry +them to the press, when each one lifted like a paving stone; but alas, +alas, the columns read from right to left. I unlocked them, put the +matter back in the galleys, made them up new, and we had the paper off +on time. + +From that time until the first of January, '63, I carried on the +business of practical printer, issued a paper every week, did a large +amount of job work, was city and county printer for half a dozen +counties, did all the legal advertising, published the tax lists, and +issued extras during the Indian massacres. + + + +CHAPTER XLV. + + +THE REBELLION. + +When, after Mr. Lincoln's election, the South made the North understand +that her threats of disunion meant something more than "tin kettle +thunder," there was little spirit of compromise among the Republicans +and Douglas Democrats of Minnesota, who generally looked with impatience +on the abject servility with which Northern men in Congress begged their +Southern masters not to leave them, with no slaves to catch, no peculiar +institution to guard. + +I was in favor of not only permitting the Southern States to leave the +Union, but of driving them out of it as we would drive tramps out of a +drawing room. _Put_ them out! and open every avenue for the escape of +their slaves. But from that spirit of conciliation with which the North +first met, secession, the change was sudden. The fire on Sumter lit an +actual flame of freedom, and the people were ready then to wipe slavery +from the whole face of the land. When Gen. Fremont issued his famous +order confiscating the slaves of rebels in arms, I was in receipt of a +large exchange list, and have never seen such unanimity on any subject. +I think there were but two papers which offered an objection; but this +land was not worthy to do a generous deed. So, President Lincoln +rescinded that order, and the great rushing stream of popular enthusiasm +was dammed, turned back to flow into the dismal swamp of constitutional +quibbles and statutory inventions. There it lay, and bred reptiles and +miasmas to sting and poison the guilty inhabitants of this great land; +and never since have we been permitted to reach an enthusiasm in favor +of any great principle; for history has no record of a great act so +thoroughly divested of all greatness by the meanness of the motive, as +is our "Act of Emancipation." + +Long after the war was in progress, the old habit of yielding precedence +to the South manifested itself so strongly as to sour and disgust the +staunchest Republicans. The only two important military appointments +given by Mr. Lincoln's administration to St. Cloud were given to two +Southern Democrats, officeholders under Buchanan and supporters of +Breckinridge, the Southern candidate for President in '60. In the autumn +of '61, I asked a farmer to take out and post bills for a meeting to +send delegates to the county convention. He had been an active worker in +the campaign of '60, had never sought an office, and I was surprised +when he declined so small a service, but his explanation was this: + +"If the Democrats win the election, the Democrats will get the offices. +If the Republicans win the election, the Democrats will get the offices, +and I don't see but we may as well let them win the election." + +When I explained that the more false others were to a party or +principle, the more need there was for him to be true, he took the bills +and managed the meeting; but running a Republican ticket under a +Republican administration was not so easy as running the same ticket +under Buchanan. Then men had hope and enthusiasm, but this was killed by +a victory through which the enemy was made to triumph. + +As Gov. Ramsey was the first to tender troops to President Lincoln for +the suppression of the Rebellion, so the men of Minnesota were among the +first to organize and drill. Stephen Miller raised a company in St. +Cloud, with it joined the first regiment at Ft. Snelling, and was +appointed Lieut. Col. + +We went to Ft. Snelling to see our first regiment embark. It was a grand +sight to see the men in red shirts and white Havelocks march down that +rocky, winding way, going to their Southern graves, for very few of them +ever returned. + +More troops were called for, and two companies formed in St. Cloud. +While they waited under marching orders, they and the citizens were +aroused at two o'clock one morning by the cry from the east side of the +river of, "Indians, Indians." A boat was sent over and brought a +white-lipped messenger, with the news of the Sioux massacre at Ft. +Ridgley. + + + +CHAPTER XLVI. + + +PLATFORMS. + +My first public speech was the revelation of a talent hidden in a +napkin, and I set about putting it to usury. I wrote a lecture--"Women +and Politics"--as a reason for my anomalous position and a justification +of those men who had endorsed my right to be a political leader, and +gave sketches of women in sacred and profane history who had been so +endorsed by brave and wise men. + +The lecture gave an account of the wrongs heaped upon women by slavery, +as a reason why women were then called upon for special activity, and I +never failed to "bring down the house" by describing the scene in which +the tall Kentuckian proposed to the tall Pennsylvanian that he should +horsewhip an old woman one hundred and two times, to compel her to earn +two hundred dollars with which his mightiness might purchase Havana +cigars, gold chains, etc., or to elicit signs of shame by relating the +fact of the United States government proposing to withdraw diplomatic +relations with Austria for whipping Hungarian women for political +offenses, while woman-whipping was the principal industry of our +American chivalry. + +I stated that men had sought to divide this world into two +fields--religion and politics. In the first, they were content that +their mothers and wives should dwell with them, but in the second, no +kid slipper was ever to be set. Horace Mann had warned women to stand +back, saying: "Politics is a stygian pool." I insisted that politics +had reached this condition through the permit given to Satan to turn all +the waste water of his mills into that pool; that this grant must be +rescinded and the pool drained at all hazards. Indeed the emergency was +such that even women might handle shovels. + +Chicago had once been in a swamp, but the City Fathers had lifted it six +feet. Politicians must "raise the grade," must lift their politics the +height of a man, and make them a habitation for men, not reptiles. At +this an audience would burst into uproarous applause. + +As for the grand division, no surveyor could find the line; for no line +was possible between religion and politics. The attempt to divide them +is an assumption that there is some part of the universe in which the +Lord is not law-giver. The Fathers of the Republic had explored and +found a country they thought was outside the Divine jurisdiction, and +called it Politics. Because old world government had bowed to popes and +prelates, they would ignore Deity, and say to Omnipotence what Canute +did to the sea: "Thus far shalt thou go but no further, and here shall +thy proud waves be stayed." But God laughed them to scorn, and would +certainly dash them to pieces. The government which they had set up like +the golden image of Nebuchadnezzer, and demanded that all should bow +before it, this same government was bound to sustain men in scourging +women for chastity. Every man who voted a democratic ticket voted to put +down as insurrection any attempt to stand between the cradle and its +robber. + +I never spoke of the St. Cloud trouble--there was too much else to talk +about. I was seldom interrupted by anything but applause; but in +Stillwater I was hissed for denouncing Buchanan's administration. I +waited a moment, then lowered my voice, and said I had raised a good +many goslings, and thought I had left them all in Pennsylvania, but +found some had followed me, and was sorry to have no corn for them. +There was no further interruption. + +I was at that time the guest of a son of my Pittsburg friend, Judge +McMillan, who led the singing in our church, and with whom I expect to +sing "St. Thomas" in heaven. My host of that evening afterwards became +U.S. Senator from Minnesota. + +A considerable portion of three winters I traveled in Minnesota and +lectured, one day riding thirty miles in an open cutter when the mercury +was frozen and the wind blew almost a gale. Have crossed houseless +prairies between midnight and morning, with only a stage driver, and I +never encountered a neglect or a rudeness: but found gentlemen in red +flannel shirts and their trowsers stuffed into the tops of their boots, +who had no knowledge of grammar, and who would, I think, have sold their +lives dearly in my defense. + +Late in '60 or early in '61, I lectured in Mantorville, and was the +guest of Mr. Bancroft, editor of the _Express_, when he handed me a copy +of the New York _Tribune_, pointed to an item, and turned away. It was a +four line announcement that he who had been my husband had obtained a +divorce on the ground of desertion. I laid down the paper, looked at my +hands, and thought: + +"Once more you are mine. True, the proceeds of your twenty years of +brick-making are back there in Egypt with your lost patrimony, but we +are over the Red Sea, out in the free desert; no pursuit is possible, +and if bread fails, God will send manna." + +While I sat, Mrs. Bancroft came to me, caressed me, and said: + +"Old things have passed away, and all things have become new." + + + +CHAPTER XLVII. + + +OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOME AGAIN. + +In my first lecturing winter I spoke in the Hall of Representatives, St. +Paul, to a large audience, and succeeded past all my hopes. I spoke +there again in the winter of '61 and '62, on the anti-slavery question, +and in a public hall on "Woman's Legal Disabilities." Both were very +successful, and I was invited to give the latter lecture before the +Senate, which I did. The hall was packed and the lecture received with +profound attention, interrupted by hearty applause. + +The Senate was in session, and Gen. Lowrie occupied his seat as a +member. It was a great fall for him to tumble from his dictatorship to +so small an honor. He sat and looked at me like one in a dream, and I +could not but see that he was breaking. I hoped he would come up with +others when they began to crowd around me, but he did not. + +I had come to be the looked-at of all lookers; the talked-of of all +talkers; was the guest of Geo. A. Nurse, the U.S. Attorney, dined with +the Governor, and was praised by the press. I was dubbed the "Fanny +Kemble of America," and reminded critics of the then greatest Shylock of +the stage. A judge from Ohio said there was "not a man in the State who +could have presented that case (Woman's Legal Disabilities) so well." +Indeed, I was almost as popular as if I were about to be hanged! + +A responsible Eastern lecture-agent offered me one hundred dollars each +for three lectures, one in Milwaukee, one in Chicago and one in +Cleveland. I wanted to accept, but was overruled by friends, who thought +me too feeble to travel alone, and that I would make more by employing +an agent. They selected a pious gentleman, whose name I have forgotten, +and we left St. Paul at four o'clock one winter morning, in a prairie +schooner on bob-sleds, to ride to La Crosse. + +One of the passengers was a pompous Southerner, who kept boasting of the +"buck niggers" he had sold and the "niggers" he had caught, and his +delight in that sort of work. His talk was aimed at me, but he did not +address me, and for hours I took no notice; then, after an unusual +explosion, I said quietly: + +"Can you remember, sir, just exactly how many niggers you have killed +and eaten in your day?" + +He looked out on the river and seemed to begin a calculation, but must +have found the lists of his exploits too long for utterance, for he had +spoken not another word when we reached La Crosse, where we took cars +for Madison, Wisconsin. + +We reached that beautiful city of lakes in time to meet news of the Ft. +Donelson fatal victory; that victory made so much worse than a hundred +defeats by the return to their masters of the slaves who remained in +the fort and claimed the protection of our flag--the victory which +converted the great loyal army of the North into a gang of +slave-catchers. Alas, my native land! All hope for the preservation of +the government died out in my heart. What could a just God want with +such a people? What could he do but destroy them? + +That victory was celebrated in Madison with appropriate ceremonies. Men +got drunk and cursed "niggers and abolitionists," sat up all night in +noisy orgies drinking health and success to him who was the synonym of +American glory. + +The excitement and sudden revulsion against abolitionists with the total +incompetence of my agent, caused a financial failure of my lecture, but +I made pleasant friendships with Gov. Harvey, Prof. Carr and their +wives. + +I started along the route we had come, and everywhere, in cars, hotels, +men were hurrahing for Grant and cursing "niggers and abolitionists." + +The hero had healed the breach between the loving brothers of the North +and South, who were to rush into each others arms across the prostrate +form of Liberty. Thank God for the madness of the South; for that +sublime universal government which maketh "the wrath of man to praise +him." Even in that hour of triumph for despotism, I did not doubt but +Freedom would march on until no slave contaminated the earth; but before +that march this degraded government must share the fate of that other +Babylon, which once dealt "in slaves and souls of men." + +My first small town lecture was another financial failure, and in the +hall I paid and dismissed that highly respectable incubus--my agent. + +That night I slept in a hotel, and going to a bed which had not been +properly ventilated, wondered if it could be my duty to breast that +storm of popular frenzy. Could I at any time be required to drink tea +out of a coarse delf cup and sleep in such a bed? Luxuries I wanted +none; but a china cup, silver spoon and soft blankets were necessaries +of life. As I lay, uncertain always whether I slept, I seemed to sit on +a projecting rock on the side of a precipice draped with poisonous +vines. There was no spot on which I could place my feet, while out of +holes, snakes hissed at me, and on ledges panthers glared at me with +their green fiery eyes, and the tips of their tails wagging. Far below +lay a lovely green valley, walled on both sides by these haunted +precipitous banks, but stretching up and down until lost in vista. I +knew that to the right was north--the direction of home; and to the +left, south--the way out into the great unknown. If I could only reach +that lovely valley and the clear stream which ran through it; but this +was a vain longing, until there appeared in it a young man in a grey +suit and soft broad-brimmed black felt hat. He came up the precipice +toward me, and a way made itself before him, until he held up his hand, +and said: + +"Come down!" + +I saw his face, and knew it was Christ. After seeing that face, all the +conceptions of all the artists are an offense. Moreover, the Christ of +to-day, in the person of his follower, has often come to me in the garb +of a working man, but never in priestly robes. He led me down the +precipice without a word, pointed northward and said: + +"Walk in the valley and you will be safe." He was gone, and I became +conscious that I had been seeking popularity, money, and these were not +for me; I must go home, but first I would try to repair the loss +incurred by that agent. I lectured in a small town, a nucleus of a Seven +Day Baptist settlement, and was the guest of the proprietor, who had +built a great many concrete walls. Coming out into a heavy wind, I took +acute inflammation of the lungs. My hostess gave me every attention; but +I must go home for my symptoms were alarming, so took the train the next +morning, with my chest in wet compresses, a viol of aconite in my +pocket, and was better when by rail and schooner I reached the house of +the good Samaritan, Judge Wilson, of Winona. + +Here I was made whole, lectured in Winona and other towns, and got back +to St. Paul with more money than when I left. I started for home one +morning in a schooner. At one the next morning our craft settled down +and refused to go farther. The snow was three feet deep; it had been +raining steadily for twelve hours, and when the men got out to pry out +the runners, they went down, down, far over their knees. The driver and +express agent were booted for such occasions, but the two Germans were +not. Myself, "these four and no more," were down in the book of fate for +a struggle with inertia. It was muscle and mind against matter. To the +muscle I contributed nothing, but might add something to the common +stock of mind. The agent, and driver concluded that he should take a +horse and go to the nearest house, two miles back, to get shovels to dig +us out. I asked if there were fresh horses and men at the house. + +"No." + +"How far is it to St. Cloud?" + +"Six miles." + +"Are there fresh horses and men there?" + +"Oh, plenty." + +"If you dig us out here, how long will it be before we go in again?" +This they did not know. + +"Then had not the driver better go to St. Cloud with both horses? The +horse left here would be ruined standing in that slush." + +"But, madam," said the agent, "if we do that we will have to leave you +here all night." + +"Well," I said, "I do not see how you are going to get rid of me." + +So the driver started with the two horses on that dreadful journey; had +I known how dreadful, I should have tried to keep him till morning. As +he left, I made the Germans draw off their boots and pour out the water, +rub their chilled feet and roll them up in a buffalo robe. The agent lay +on his box, I cuddled in a corner, and we all went to sleep to the music +of the patter of the soft rain on our canvas cover. At sunrise we were +waked by a little army of men and horses and another schooner, into +which we passed by bridge. We reached St. Cloud in time for breakfast, +and were greeted by the news that General Lowrie had been sent home +insane. He was confined in his own house, and his much envied young +wife, with her two babies, had become an object of pity. + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII. + + +THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE WEST. + +Before going to Minnesota, I had the common Cooper idea of the dignity +and glory of the noble red man of the forest; and was especially +impressed by his unexampled faithfulness to those pale-faces who had +ever been so fortunate as to eat salt with him. In planning my +hermitage, I had pictured the most amicable relations with those +unsophisticated children of nature, who should never want for salt while +there was a spoonful in my barrel. I should win them to friendships as I +had done railroad laborers, by caring for their sick children, and +aiding their wives. Indeed, I think the Indians formed a large part of +the attractions of my cabin by the lakes; and it required considerable +time and experience to bring me to any true knowledge of the situation, +which was, and is, this: + +Between the Indian and white settler, rages the world-old, world-wide +war of hereditary land-ownership against those who beg their brother man +for leave to live and toil. William Penn disclaimed the right of +conquest as a land title, while he himself held an English estate based +on that title, and while every acre of land on the globe was held by it. +He could not recognize that title in English hands, but did in the hands +of Indians, and while pretending to purchase of them a conquest title, +perpetrated one of the greatest swindles on record since that by which +Jacob won the birthright of his starving brother. + +This Penn swindle has been so carefully cloaked that it has become the +basis of our whole Indian policy, the legitimate parent of a system +never equalled on earth for crime committed with the best intentions. It +intends to be especially just, by holding that the Creator made North +America for the exclusive use of savages, and that civilization can only +exist here by sufferance of the proprietors. This sufferance it tries to +purchase by engaging to support these proprietors in absolute idleness, +from the proceeds of the toil they license, even as kings and other +landed aristocrats are supported by the labor of their subjects and +tenants. + +As the successors of the tent-maker of Tarsus have for thirteen +centuries been found on the side of aristocrats in every contest with +plebians, so the piety of the East, controlled by men who live without +labor, was and is on the side of the royal red man, who has a most royal +contempt for plows, hoes and all other degrading implements. + +The same community of interests which arrayed the mass of the clergy on +the side of Southern slaveholders, arrayed that same clergy on the side +of the Western slave holder, and against the men who seek, with plows +and hoes, to get a living out of the ground. Under this arrangement we +have the spectacle of a Christian people arrayed in open hostility to +those who plant Christian churches, schools and libraries on the lair of +the wolf; and in alliance with the savage who coolly unjoints the feet +and hands of little children, puts them in his hunting pouch as evidence +of his valor, and leaves the victim to die at leisure; of those who +thrust Christian babies into ovens, and deliberately roast them to +death; of those who bind infants, two by two, by one wrist, and throw +them across a fence to die; of those who collect little children in +groups and lock them up in a room, to wail out their little lives; of +those who commit outrages on innocent men and women who the pen must +forever refuse to record. The apology with which piety converts the +crimes of its pets into virtues, is that its own agents have failed to +carry out its own contract with its own friends. + +The men and women who take their lives in their hands to lead the +westward march of civilization, are held as foes by the main body of the +army, who conspire with the enemy, and hand them over as scapegoats +whose tortures and death are to appease divine wrath for the crimes +which this same main body say it has itself committed against Indians. + +No one pretends that Western settlers have injured Indians, but Eastern +philanthropists, through the government they control, have, according to +their own showing, been guilty of no end of frauds; and as they do not, +and cannot, stop the stealing, they pay their debts to the noble red man +by licensing him to outrage women, torture infants and burn homes. When +gold is scarce in the East, they substitute scalps and furnish Indians +with scalping-knives by the thousand, that they may collect their dues +at their own convenience. + +This may seem to-day a bitter partisan accusation, but it must be the +calm verdict of history when this comes to be written by impartial pens. + +Under the pretense that America belonged, in fee simple, and by special +divine right, to that particular hoard of savages, who, by killing off +some other hoard of savages, were in possession when Columbus first saw +the Great West, the Eastern States, which had already secured their land +by conquest, have become more implacable foes to civilization than the +savages themselves. + +The Quaker would form no alliance with Southern slave-holders. He +recoiled from the sale of women and children in South Carolina, but +covered with his gray mantle of charity the slave trade in Minnesota. +When a settler refused to exchange his wife or daughter with an Indian +for a pony, and that Indian massacred the whole family to repair his +wrongs, his Quaker lawyer justified the act on the score of extreme +provocation, and won triumphal acquittal from the jury of the world. + +When the Sioux, after the Bull Run disaster, arose as the allies of the +South, and butchered one thousand men, women and children in Minnesota, +the Quakers and other good people flew to arms in their defense, and +carried public sentiment in their favor. The agents of the Eastern +people had delayed the payment of annuity three weeks, and then insulted +Mr. Lo by tendering him one-half his money in government bonds, and for +this great wrong the peaceable Quaker, the humanitarian Unitarian, the +orthodox Congregationalist and Presbyterian, the enthusiastic Methodist +and staid Baptist, felt it but right Mr. Lo should have his revenge. + +Most Eastern Christians are opposed to polygamy in Utah, and Fourierism +in France, but in Minnesota among Indians these institutions are sacred. +They demanded that England should by law prohibit widow-burning and +other heathen customs in India, but nothing so rude as statutes must +interfere with the royal privileges of these Western landlords. If by +gentle means Mr. Lo can be persuaded to stop taking all the wives he can +get, extorting their labor by the cudgel, and selling them and their +children at will, all well and good! Millions are expended on the +persuading business, and prayer poured out like the rains in Noah's +flood, without any perceptible effect; but still they keep on paying and +praying, and carefully abstain from all means at all likely to +accomplish the desired result. All the property of every tribe must be +held in common, so that there can possibly be no incentive to industry +and economy; but if the Indian refuse to be civilized on that plan, he +must go on taking scalps and being excused, until extermination solve +the problem. + +Long before I saw an Indian on his native soil, the U.S. Government had +spent millions in carrying out this Penn policy. For long years, Indians +had sat like crows, watching the white farmers and artisans sent to +teach them industry, and had grunted their honest contempt. They watched +the potato planting, that they might pick out the seed for present use. +They pulled down fences, and turned their ponies into the growing crops, +used the rails for fire wood, burned mills and houses built for them, +rolled barrels of flour up steep acclivities, started them down and +shouted to see them leap and the flour spurt through the staves; knocked +the heads out of other barrels, and let the ponies eat the flour; poured +bags of corn on the ground when they wanted the bag, and in every way +showed their contempt for the government, whose policy they believed to +be the result of cowardice. Thousands of dollars' worth of agricultural +machinery lay "rotting in the sun" while the noble red aristocrat played +poker in the shade; his original contempt for labor intensified by his +power to extract a living from laborers, through their fear of his +scalping knife. + +Hole-in-the-day, the Chippewa chief, had been educated by Baptist +missionaries, and was a good English scholar, but would not condescend +to speak to the government except through an interpreter. For him six +hundred acres of land had been fenced, and a large frame cottage built +and painted white. In this he lived with six wives, and a United States +salary of two thousand a year and his traveling expenses. He dressed +like a white man, dined with State officers in St. Paul, went to church +with a lady on his arm, sat in a front pew, and was a highly +distinguished gentleman of the scalping school. + + + +CHAPTER XLIX. + + +THE INDIAN MASSACRE OF '62. + +The Indians had been ugly from the first outbreak of the Rebellion, and +Commissioner Dole, with Senator Wilkinson, had come out to pacify them. +The party passed through St. Cloud, and had camped several miles west, +when in the night there came up one of those sudden storms peculiar to +this land. Their tents were whisked away like autumn leaves, and they +left clinging to such productions of mother nature as were at hand, +well rooted in her bosom, to avoid a witches' dance in the air. But it +grew worse when the rain had covered the level ground six inches deep in +water, and they must keep their heads above the surface. + +They returned to St. Cloud in the morning in sorry plight, and the delay +was one of the injuries to the poor Indians, and counted as sufficient +justification for the subsequent massacre. The delay, however, saved +their lives. The messenger who aroused the people of St. Cloud in the +small hours was traveling post after this Dole commission, for whose +safety there was much anxiety, but none for St. Cloud, since the Indians +would not attack us while there were two companies of soldiers in town. +True, they were unarmed, but surely arms would be sent and their +marching orders rescinded. The outbreak was mysterious. It was of course +in the interests of the South, and meant to prevent the troops leaving +the State; but why had not the tribes struck together? + +The answer was that after the massacre had been arranged in council, two +Sioux visited a white family in which they had often been entertained, +were drunk, and could not resist the impulse to butcher their +entertainers. This precipitated the attack, for so soon as the news +reached the tribe, they went to work to execute their bloody purpose. + +Johnson, a converted Chippewa, hurried to inform us that his tribe with +Hole-in-the-day in council had resolved to join the Sioux and were to +have made St. Cloud their base of operations, but the Sioux had broken +out before the arms and ammunition came, and these they were hourly +expecting. On the same day a formal message came from Hole-in-the-day +that Commissioner Dole must come to the reservation to confer with his +young braves, who would await his arrival ten days, after which time +their great chief declined to be responsible for them. + +A runner arrived from Ft. Abercrombie, who had escaped by crawling +through the grass, and reported the Fort besieged by a thousand savages, +and quite unprepared for defense. There were several St. Cloud people in +the Fort, and so far from expecting aid from it it must be relieved. The +garrison at Ft. Ripley had not a man to spare for outside defense. +People began to pour into St. Cloud with tales of horror to freeze the +blood, and the worst reports were more than confirmed. The victorious +Sioux had undisputed possession of the whole country west, southwest and +northwest of us, up to within twelve miles of the city, and had left few +people to tell tales. Our troops spent their time teaching women and +children the use of firearms, and hoping for arms and orders to go to +the relief of Abercrombie. There was no telegraph, and the last mail +left no alternative but to start for Fort Snelling, with such short time +to get there that every available man and horse must go to hurry them +forward. They left in the afternoon, and that was a dreadful night. Many +of the more timid women had gone east, but of those that remained some +paced the streets, wringing their hands and sobbing out their fear and +despair and sorrow for the husbands and brothers and sons taken from +them at such a crisis. + +When the troops left, we thought there were no more men in St. Cloud, +but next morning found a dozen, counting the boys, who were organized to +go out west to the rescue of settlers, and still there were some guards +and pickets, and some who did nothing but find fault with everything any +one else did. + +Men and women spoke with stiffened lips and blanched faces. Families in +the outskirts gathered to more central places, and there were forty-two +women and children in my house the night after the troops left, and for +every night for weeks. We kept large kettles of boiling water as one +means of defense. I always had the watchword, and often at midnight I +would go out to see that the pickets were on duty, and report to the +women that all was well. Brother Harry was appointed General of State +troops, succeeding Gen. Lowrie, and arms were sent to him for +distribution, while women kept muskets by them and practiced daily. The +office of my democratic contemporary was closed, and he fled to New +England, while his assistant went with my only male assistant to rescue +settlers. I had two young ladies in the office, one a graduate of a New +York high school, and through all the excitement they kept at work as +coolly as at any other time. We got out the paper regularly, and +published many extras. + +The history of the horrors and heroisms which reached us during the six +weeks in which Ft. Abercrombie held out until relief came, would make a +volume, and cannot he written here. The unimaginable tortures and +indecencies inflicted on brave men and good women, are something for +which the Christian supporters and excusers of the Sioux must yet +account at the bar where sentimental sympathy with criminals is itself +a crime; and where the wail of tortured infants will not be hushed by +reckoning of bad beef and a deficiency in beans. + +While the Sioux sat in council to determine that butchery, some +objected, on the ground that such crimes would be punished, but Little +Crow, leader of the war party, quieted their fears by saying: + +"White man no like Indian! Indian catch white man, roast him, kill him! +White man catch Indian, feed him, give him blankets," and on this +assurance they acted. + +One thing was clearly proven by that outbreak, viz.: that services to, +and friendship for, Indians, are the best means of incurring their +revenge. Those families who had been on most intimate terms with them, +were those who were massacred first and with the greatest atrocities. +The more frequently they had eaten salt with a pale-face, the more +insatiable was their desire for vengeance. The missionaries were +generally spared, as the source through which they expected pardon and +supplies. The Indian was much too cunning to kill the goose that laid +the golden egg. The tribe do not object to the conversion of +individuals. Saying prayers does not interfere with their ideas of their +own importance. Preachers do not labor with their hands, and Indians can +join the clerical order or get religion, without losing caste, for labor +to them is pollution. + +Two wagon loads of arms and ammunition _en route_ for Hole-in-the-day, +were intercepted during the massacre, and for want of them he was +induced to keep quiet. For being such a good Indian, he had a triumphal +trip to Washington at government expense, got ten thousand dollars, and +a seventh wife. + + + +CHAPTER L. + + +A MISSIVE AND A MISSION. + +Soon after the people had returned to such homes as were left them, I +received a letter from General Lowrie, who was then in an insane asylum +in Cincinnati. I caught his humor and answered as carefully as if he had +been a sick brother, gave an extract in the _Democrat_, accompanied by a +notice, and sent him a copy; after which he wrote frequently, and I +tried earnestly to soothe him. In one of his letters was this passage: + +"Your quarrel and mine was all wrong. There was no one in that upper +country capable of understanding you but me, no one capable of +understanding me, but you. We should have been friends, and would have +been, if we had not each had a self which we were all too anxious to +defend." + +After the Sioux had finished their work of horror, Minnesota men, aided +by volunteers from Iowa and Wisconsin, pursued and captured the +murderers of one thousand men, women and children; tried them, found +them guilty, and proposed to hang them just as if they had been white +murderers. But when the general government interfered and took the +prisoners out of the hands of the State authorities, and when it became +evident that Eastern people endorsed the massacre and condemned the +victims as sinners who deserved their fate, one of the State officers +proposed that I should go East, try to counteract the vicious public +sentiment, and aid our Congressional delegation in their effort to +induce the Administration either to hang the Sioux murderers, or hold +them as hostages during the war. + +To me this was a providential call, for I had been planning to make a +home in the East, that our daughter, then old enough to live without me, +might spend a portion of her time with her father. + +With letters from all our State officers, I left my Minnesota home at +four o'clock A.M., January 2nd, '63, leaving the _Democrat_ in charge of +my first apprentice, William B. Mitchell. + +In Washington, the Minnesota delegation secured the use of Dr. +Sutherland's church, and a packed audience for my lecture on Indians. It +was enthusiastically applauded, and for a time I did hope for some +security for women and children on the frontier; but the Secretary of +the Interior assured me it was not worth while to see the President, for +"Mr. Lincoln will hang nobody!" and our Minnesota delegation agreed with +him. Indeed, there was such a _furor_ of pious pity for the poor injured +Sioux, such admiration for their long suffering patience under wrong, +and final heroic resistance, that I might about as well have tried to +row myself from the head of Goat Island up the rapids of Niagara, as +stem that current. The ring which makes money by caudling Indians, had +the ear of both President and people, and the Bureau had a paying +contract in proving Little Crow's sagacity. The Sioux never were so well +supplied with blankets and butcher-knives, as when they received their +reward for that massacre; never had so many prayers said and hymns sung +over them, and their steamboat ride down the Minnesota and Mississippi +and up the Missouri, to a point within two days' walk of the scene of +their exploits, furnished them an excursion of about two thousand miles, +and left them well prepared for future operations. They appreciated +their good fortune, have been a terror to United States troops and +Western settlers ever since, and have enjoyed their triumph to the full. + +One morning Senator Wilkinson and I went to see the President, and in +the vestibule of the White House met two gentlemen whom he introduced as +Sec. Stanton and Gen. Fremont. The first said he needed no introduction, +and I said I had asked Senator Wilkinson to see him on my account. He +replied: + +"Do not ask any one to see me! If you want anything from me, come +yourself. No one can have more influence." + +Gen. Fremont inquired where I was staying, and said he would call on me. +This frightened me, and I felt like running away. But they were so kind +and cordial that our short chat is a pleasant memory; but Mr. Wilkinson +and I failed to see Mr. Lincoln. Next day Sec. Stanton gave me an +appointment in the Quarter Master General's office, but there was no +place for me to go to work. + +Gen. Fremont called at the houses of two friends where I was visiting, +but both times I was absent. In 1850 I had also missed the calls of his +wife and sister, and so I seemed destined never to meet the people I +admired above all others. + +My friends wished me to attend a Presidential reception; but it was +useless to see Mr. Lincoln on the business which brought me to +Washington, and I did not care to see him on any other. He had proved an +obstructionist instead of an abolitionist, and I felt no respect for +him; while his wife was every where spoken of as a Southern woman with +Southern sympathies--a conspirator against the Union. I wanted nothing +to do with the occupants of the White House, but was told I could go and +see the spectacle without being presented. So I went in my broadcloth +traveling dress, and lest there should be trouble about my early +leave-taking, would not trust my cloak to the servants, but walked +through the hall with it over my arm. I watched the President and Mrs. +Lincoln receive. His sad, earnest, honest face was irresistible in its +plea for confidence, and Mrs. Lincoln's manner was so simple and +motherly, so unlike that of all Southern women I had seen, that I +doubted the tales I had heard. Her head was not that of a conspirator. +She would be incapable of a successful deceit, and whatever her purposes +were, they must be known to all who knew her. + +Mr. Lincoln stood going through one of those, dreadful ordeals of +hand-shaking, working like a man pumping for life on a sinking vessel, +and I was filled with indignation for the selfish people who made this +useless drain on his nervous force. I wanted to stand between him and +them, and say, "stand back, and let him live and do his work." But I +could not resist going to him with the rest of the crowd, and when he +took my hand I said: + +"May the Lord have mercy on you, poor man, for the people have none." +He laughed heartily, and the men around him, joined in his merriment. +When I came to Mrs. Lincoln, she did not catch the name at first, and +asked to hear it again, then repeated it, and a sudden glow of pleasure +lit her face, as she held out her hand and said how very glad she was to +see me. I objected to giving her my hand because my black glove would +soil her white one; but she said: + +"Then I shall preserve the glove to remember a great pleasure, for I +have long wished to see you." + +My escort was more surprised than I by her unusual cordiality, and said +afterwards: + +"It was no polite affectation. I cannot understand it from her." + +I understood at once that I had met one with whom I was in sympathy. No +politeness could have summoned that sudden flash of pleasure. Her manner +was too simple and natural to have any art in it; and why should she +have pretended a friendship she did not feel? Abolitionists were at a +discount. They had gone like the front ranks of the French cavalry at +Waterloo, into the sunken way, to make a bridge, over which moderate men +were rushing to honors and emoluments. Gideon's army had done its work, +and given place to the camp followers, who gathered up the spoils of +victory. None wore so poor that they need do them reverence, and I +recognized Mrs. Lincoln as a loyal, liberty-loving woman, more staunch +even than her husband in opposition to the Rebellion and its cause, and +as my very dear friend for life. + + + +CHAPTER LI. + + +NO USE FOR ME AMONG THE WOUNDED. + +I had not thought, even after deciding to remain in Washington, of doing +any hospital work--knew nothing about it; and in strength was more like +a patient than a nurse; but while I waited for a summons to go to the +duties of my clerkship, I met some ladies interested in hospitals. + +One of these, Mrs. Thayer, had an ambulance at her command, and took me +for a day's visiting among the forts, on a day when it was known that +our armies in Virginia were engaged with the enemy. The roads were +almost impassable, and as a skillful driver and two good horses used +their best efforts to take us from place to place, I felt like a thief; +that ambulance ought to be at the front, and us with it, or on our knees +pleading for the men whose breasts were a living wall between us and +danger, between Liberty and her deadly foes. + +The men in the forts had no special need of us, and sometimes their +thanks for the tracts we brought them, gave an impulse to strike them +square in the face, but Mrs. Thayer was happy in her work, and thought +me uncivil to her friends. + +We reached the last fort on our round before I saw anything interesting; +and here a sorrowful woman drew me aside to tell me of the two weeks she +had spent with her husband, now in the last stage of camp-fever, and of +her fruitless efforts to get sufficient straw for his bed, while the +bones were cutting through the skin as he lay on the slats of his cot. +She wrung her hands in a strange, suppressed agony, and exclaimed "Oh! +If they had only let me take him home when I came first; but say nothing +here, or they will not let me stay." + +I verified her statement of her husband's condition, so that I could +speak from observation without compromising her, and spoke to the +surgeon, who politely regretted the scarcity of straw, and hoped to get +some soon. + +I returned to the sufferer, who was from New Hampshire, and a very +intelligent man; and after talking with him and his wife, concluded to +look up the commander of that fort, and put some powder and a lighted +match into his ear; but first consulted Mrs. Thayer, who begged me to +take no notice, else she would no longer be permitted to visit the fort. +She had introduced me to two fashionably dressed ladies, officers' +wifes, resident there; and when I must say or do nothing about this man, +lest I should destroy Mrs. Thayer's opportunity for doing good, I +concluded we had discovered a new variety of savage, and came away +thinking I could do something in the city. + +Next morning I stated the case to Miss Dix, who was neither shocked nor +surprised. I had never before seen her, but her tall, angular person, +very red face, and totally unsympathetic manner, chilled me. The best +ambulance in the service was exclusively devoted to her use, and I +thought she would surely go or send a bed to that man before noon; but +she proposed to do nothing of the kind, had engagements for the day, +which seemed to me of small import compared to that of placing that man +on a comfortable bed; but she could do nothing that day, by reason of +these engagements, and nothing next day, it being Sunday, on which day +she attended to no business. We spoke of the great battle then in +progress, and I tendered my services, could take no regular appointment, +would want no pay, could not work long; but might be of use in an +emergency! Emergencies were things of which she had no conception. +Everything in her world moved by rule, and her arrangements were +complete. She had sent eight nurses to the front, and more could only be +in the way. + +I inquired about hospital supplies, and she grew almost enthusiastic in +explaining the uselessness, nay, absurdity, of sending any. Government +furnished everything that could possibly be wanted. The Sanitary and +Christian Commissioners were all a mistake; Soldiers' Aid Societies a +delusion and a snare. She was burdened with stores sent to her for which +there was no use; and she hoped I would use my influence to stop the +business of sending supplies. + +From her I went direct to the Sanitary Commission, and found a large +house full of salaried clerks and porters, and boxes, and bails, +although this was not their storehouse. + +Here again I stated the case of the man without a bed, and found +listeners neither surprised nor shocked. Every one seemed quite familiar +with trifles of that nature, and by and by, I, too, would look upon them +with, indifference. + +I do not remember whether it was Saturday engagements, or Sunday +sanctity, or lack of jurisdiction, which barred the Commission from +interference; but think they must wait until the fort surgeon sent a +requisition. + +I inquired here about hospital stores, and found there was great demand +for everything, especially money. They declined my services in every +capacity save that of inducing the public to hurry forward funds and +supplies. I told them of Miss Dix's opinion on that subject, and they +agreed that it was quite useless to send anything to her, since she used +nothing she received, and would not permit any one else to use stores. + +Late in the next week Mrs. Thayer came, in great tribulation, to know +how I ever could have done so foolish and useless a thing as report that +case to Miss Dix! Oh dear! Oh dear! It was so unwise! + +Miss Dix had gone to the fort on Monday, taken the surgeon to task about +that bed, gave me as her authority, and for me Mrs. Thayer was +responsible, and would be excluded from that fort on account of my +indiscretion. There was another standing quarrel between the directress +of nurses and the surgeons. The bitterness engendered would all be +visited upon the patients, and it was so deplorable to think I had been +so imprudent. + +Her distress was so real, and she was so real in her desire to do good, +that I felt myself quite a culprit, especially as the man got no bed, +and died on his slats. + +I was so lectured and warned about the sin of this, my first offense, in +telling that which "folk wad secret keep" in hospital management, that I +was afraid to go to another, lest I should get some one into trouble; +so stayed at home while the Washington hospitals were being filled with +wounded from the battle of Chancellorville. I think it was the afternoon +of the second Sabbath that I went with Mrs. Kelsey to visit Campbell, to +get material for a letter, and tendered my services, but their +arrangements were complete. Passing through the wards it did indeed seem +as if nothing was wanting. + +As a matter of form, I asked James Bride, of Wisconsin, if there was +anything I could do for him, was surprised to see him hesitate, and +astounded to have him answer: + +"Well, nothing particular, unless"--he stopped and picked at the +coverlid--"unless you could get us something to quench thirst." + +"Something to quench thirst? Why, I have been told you have everything +you can possibly require!" + +"Well, they are very good to us, and do all they can; but it gets very +hot in here in the afternoons, we cannot go out into the shade, and get +so thirsty. Drinking so much water makes us sick, and if we had +something a little sour!" + +"But, would they let me bring you anything?" + +"O yes! I see ladies bring things every day." + +"Then I shall be glad to bring you something tomorrow." + + + +CHAPTER LII. + + +FIND WORK. + +That morning I wrote to the New York _Tribune,_ relating the incident of +the man asking for cooling drinks, and saying that if people furnished +the material, I would devote my time to distributing their gifts. Next +morning I got two dozen lemons, pressed the juice into a jar, put in +sugar, took a glass and spoon and, so soon as visitors were admitted, +began giving lemonade to those men who seemed to have most need. Going +to the water tank for every glass of water made it slow work, but I +improved my walks by talking to the men, hearing their wants and adding +to their stock of hope and cheerfulness, and was glad to see that the +nurses did not seem to object to my presence, even though Campbell was +the one only hospital in the city from which female nurses were +rigorously excluded. + +So noted had it become for the masculine pride of its management, that I +had been warned not to stay past the length of an ordinary visit, lest I +should be roughly told to go away; and my surprise was equal to my +pleasure, when a man came and said: + +"Would it not be easier for you if you had a pitcher?" + +I said it would, but that I lived too far away to bring one. + +"Oh! I will bring you a pitcher! Why did you not ask for one?" + +"I did not want to trouble you, for they told me you did not like to +have women here." He laughed, and said: "I guess we'll all be glad +enough to have you! Not many of your sort. First thing they all do is to +begin to make trouble, and it always takes two men to wait on one of +them." + +He brought the pitcher, and I felt that I was getting on in the world. +Still I was very humble and careful to win the favor of "the King's +Chamberlain"--those potencies, the nurses, who might report me to that +Royal woman-hater, Dr. Baxter, surgeon in charge, whose name was a +terror to women who intruded themselves into military hospitals. + +As I passed, with my pitcher, I saw one man delerious, and +expectorating, profusely, a matter green as grass could be--knew this +was hospital gangrene, and remembered all Dr. Palmer had told me years +before, of his experience in Paris hospitals, and the antidotes to that +and scurvey poison. Indeed, the results of many conversations with +first-class physicians, and of some reading on the subject of camp +diseases, came to me; and I knew just what was wanted here, but saw no +sign that the want was likely to be supplied. For this man it was too +late, but I could not see that anything was being done to prevent the +spread of this fearful scourge. + +Passing from that ward into the one adjoining, I came suddenly upon two +nurses dressing a thigh stump, while the patient filled the air with +half-suppressed shrieks and groans. I had never before seen a stump, but +remembered Dr. Jackson's lecture over the watermellon at desert, on +amputation, for the benefit of Charles Sumner; and electricity never +brought light quicker than there came to me the memory of all he had +said about the proper arrangement of the muscles over the end of the +bone; and added to this, came a perfect knowledge of the relations of +those mangled muscles to the general form of the body. I saw that the +nurse who held the stump tortured the man by disregarding natural law, +and setting down pitcher and glass on the floor, I stepped up, knelt, +slipped my hands under the remains of that strong thigh, and said to the +man who held it: + +"Now, slip out your hands! easy! easy! there!" The instant it rested on +my hands the groans ceased, and I said: + +"Is that better?" + +"Oh, my God! yes!" + +"Well, then, I will always hold it when it is dressed!" + +"But you will not be here!" + +"I will come!" + +"That would be too much trouble!" + +"I have nothing else to do, and will think it no trouble!" + +The nurse, who did the dressing, was very gentle, and there was no more +pain; but I saw that the other leg was amputated below the knee, and +this was a double reason why he should be tenderly cared for. So I took +the nurse aside, and asked when the wounds were to be dressed again. He +said in the morning, and promised to wait until I came to help. Next +morning I was so much afraid of being late that I would not wait for the +street cars to begin running, but walked. The guard objected to +admitting me, as it was not time for visitors, but I explained and he +let me pass. I must not go through the wards at that hour, so went +around and came in by the door near which he lay. What was my surprise +to find that not only were his wounds dressed, but that all his clothing +and bed had been changed, and everything about him made as white and +neat and square as if he were a corpse, which he more resembled than a +living man. Oh, what a tribute of agony he had paid to the demon of +appearance! We all pay heavy taxes to other people's eyes; but on none +is the levy quite so onerous as on the patients of a model hospital! I +saw that he breathed and slept, and knew his time was short; but sought +the head nurse, and asked why he had not waited for me; he hesitated, +stammered, blushed and said: + +"Why, the fact is, sister, he has another wound that it would not be +pleasant for you to see." + +"Do you mean that that man has a groin wound in addition to all else?" + +"Yes, sister! yes! and I thought--" + +"No matter what you thought, you have tortured him to save your +mock-modesty and mine. You could have dressed that other wound, covered +him, and let me hold the stump. You saw what relief it gave him +yesterday. How could you--how dare you torture him?" + +"Well, sister, I have been in hospitals with sisters a great deal, and +they never help to dress wounds. I thought you would not get leave to +come. Would not like to." + +"I am not a sister, I am a mother; and that man had suffered enough. Oh, +how dared you? how dared you to do such a thing?" I wrung my hands, and +he trembled like a leaf, and said. + +"It was wrong, but I did not know. I never saw a sister before--" + +"I tell you I am no sister, and I cannot think whatever your sisters are +good for." + +He promised to let me help him whenever it would save pain, and I +returned to the dying man. The sun shone and birds sang. He stirred, +opened his eyes, smiled to see me, and said. + +"It is a lovely morning, and I will soon be gone." + +I said, "Yes; the winter of your life is past; for you the reign of +sorrow is over and gone; the spring time appears on the earth, and the +time for the singing of birds has come; your immortal summer is close at +hand; Christ, who loveth us, and has suffered for us, has prepared +mansions of rest, for those who love him, and you are going soon." + +"Oh, yes; I know he will take me home, and provide for my wife and +children when I am gone." + +"Then all is well with you!" He told me his name and residence, in +Pittsburg, and I remembered that his parents lived our near neighbors +when I was a child. So, more than ever, I regretted that I could not +have made his passage through the dark valley one of less pain; but it +was a comfort to his wife to know I had been with him. + +When he slept again, I got a slightly wounded man to sit by him and keep +away the flies, while I went to distribute some delicacies brought to +him by visitors, and which he would never need. + +At the door of Ward Three, a large man stood, and seemed to be an +officer. I asked him if there were any patients in that ward who would +need wine penado. He looked down at me, pleasantly, and said: + +"I think it very likely, madam, for it is a very bad ward." + +It was indeed a very bad ward, for a settled gloom lay upon the faces of +the occupants, who suffered because the ward-master and entire set of +nurses had recently been discharged, and new, incompetent men appointed +in their places. + +As I passed down, turning from right to left, to give to such men as +needed it the mild stimulant I had brought, I saw how sad and hopeless +they were; only one man seemed inclined to talk, and he sat near the +centre of the ward, while some one dressed his shoulder from which the +arm had been carried away by a cannon ball. A group of men stood around +him, talking of that strange amputation, and he was full of chat and +cheerfulness. + +They called him Charlie; but my attention was quickly drawn to a young +man, on a cot, close by, who was suffering torture from the awkwardness +of a nurse who was dressing a large, flesh-wound on the outside of his +right thigh. + +I set my bowl on the floor, caught the nurse's wrist, lifted his hand +away, and said: + +"Oh, stop! you are hurting that man! Let me do that!" + +He replied, pleasantly, + +"I'll be very glad to, for I'm a green hand!" + +I took his place; saw the wounded flesh creep at the touch of cold +water, and said: "Cold water hurts you!" + +"Yes ma'am; a little!" + +"Then we must have some warm!" But nurse said there was none. + +"No warm water?" I exclaimed, as I drew back and looked at him, in blank +astonishment. + +"No, ma'am! there's no warm water!" + +"How many wounded men have you in this hospital?" + +"Well, about seven hundred, I believe." + +"About seven hundred wounded men, and no warm water! So none of them get +anything to eat!" + +"Oh, yes! they get plenty to eat." + +"And how do you cook without warm water?" + +"Why, there's plenty of hot water in the kitchen, but we're not allowed +to go there, and we have none in the wards." + +"Where is the kitchen?" + +He directed me. I covered the wound--told the patient to wait and I +would get warm water. In the kitchen a dozen cooks stopped to stare at +me, but one gave me what I came for, and on returning to the ward I said +to Charlie: + +"Now you can have some warm water, if you want it." + +"But I do not want it! I like cold water best!" + +"Then it is best for you, but it is not best for this man!" + +I had never before seen any such wound as the one I was dressing, but I +could think of but one way--clean it thoroughly, put on clean lint and +rags and bandages, without hurting the patient, and this was very easy +to do; but while I did this, I wanted to do something more, viz.: dispel +the gloom which hung over that ward. I knew that sick folks should have +their minds occupied by pleasant thoughts, and never addressed an +audience with more care than I talked to that one man, in appearance, +while really talking to all those who lay before me and some to whom my +back was turned. + +I could modulate my voice so as to be heard at quite a distance, and yet +cause no jar to very sensitive nerves close at hand; and when I told my +patient that I proposed to punish him now, while he was in my power, all +heard and wondered; then every one was stimulated to learn that it was +to keep him humble, because, having received such a wound in the charge +on Marie's Hill, he would be so proud by and by that common folks would +be afraid to speak to him. I should be quite thrown into the shade by +his laurels, and should probably take my revenge in advance by sticking +pins in him now, when he could not help himself. + +This idea proved to be quite amusing, and before I had secured that +bandage, the men seemed to have forgotten their wounds, except as a +source of future pride, and were firing jokes at each other as rapidly +as they had done bullets at the enemy. When, therefore, I proposed +sticking pins into any one else who desired such punishment, there was +quite a demand for my services, and with my basin of tepid water I +started to wet the hard, dry dressings, and leave them to soften before +being removed. Before night I discovered that lint is an instrument of +incalculable torture, and should never be used, as either blood or pus +quickly converts some portion of it into splints, as irritating as a +pine shaving. + + + +CHAPTER LIII. + + +HOSPITAL GANGRENE. + +About nine o'clock I returned to the man I had come to help, and found +that he still slept. I hoped he might rouse and have some further +message for his wife, before death had finished his work, and so +remained with him, although I was much needed in the "very bad ward." + +I had sat by him but a few moments when I noticed a green shade on his +face. It darkened, and his breathing grew labored--then ceased. I think +it was not more than twenty minutes from the time I observed the green +tinge until he was gone. I called the nurse, who brought the large man I +had seen at the door of the bad ward, and now I knew he was a surgeon, +knew also, by the sudden shadow on his face when he saw the corpse, that +he was alarmed; and when he had given minute directions for the removal +of the bed and its contents, the washing of the floor and sprinkling +with chloride of lime, I went close to his side, and said in a low +voice: + +"Doctor, is not this hospital gangrene?" + +He looked down at me, seemed to take my measure, and answered: + +"I am very sorry to say, madam, that it is." + +"Then you want lemons!" + +"We would be glad to have them!" "Glad to have them?" I repeated, in +profound astonishment, "why, you _must_ have them!" + +He seemed surprised at my earnestness, and set about explaining: + +"We sent to the Sanitary Commission last week, and got half a box." + +"Sanitary Commission, and half a box of lemons? How many wounded have +you?" + +"Seven hundred and fifty." + +"Seven hundred and fifty wounded men! Hospital gangrene, and half a box +of lemons!" + +"Well, that was all we could get; Government provides none; but our +Chaplain is from Boston--his wife has written to friends there and +expects a box next week!" + +"To Boston for a box of lemons!" + +I went to the head nurse whom I had scolded in the morning, who now gave +me writing materials, and I wrote a short note to the _New York +Tribune_: + +"Hospital gangrene has broken out in Washington, and we want lemons! +_lemons!_ LEMONS! ~LEMONS!~ No man or woman in health, has a right to a +glass of lemonade until these men have all they need; send us lemons!" + +I signed my name and mailed it immediately, and it appeared next +morning. That day Schuyler Colfax sent a box to my lodgings, and five +dollars in a note, bidding me send to him if more were wanting; but that +day lemons began to pour into Washington, and soon, I think, into every +hospital in the land. Gov. Andrews sent two hundred boxes to the Surgeon +General. I received so many, that at one time there were twenty ladies, +several of them with ambulances, distributing those which came to my +address, and if there was any more hospital gangrene that season I +neither saw nor heard of it. + +The officers in Campbell knew of the letter, and were glad of the +supplies it brought, but some time passed before they identified the +writer as the little sister in the bad ward, who had won the reputation +of being the "best wound-dresser in Washington." + + + +CHAPTER LIV. + + +GET PERMISSION TO WORK. + +Rules required me to leave Campbell at five o'clock, but the sun was +going down, and I lay on a cot, in the bad ward, feeling that going +home, or anywhere else, was impossible, when that large doctor came, +felt my pulse, laid his hand on my brow, and said: + +"You must not work so hard or we will lose you! I have been hunting for +you to ask if you would like to remain with us?" + +"Like to remain with you? Well, you will have to send a file of soldiers +with fixed bayonets to drive me away." + +He laughed quite heartily, and said: + +"We do not want you to go away. I am executive officer; Surgeon Kelley +and Dr. Baxter, surgeon in charge, has commissioned me to say that if +you wish to stay, he will have a room prepared for you. He hunted for +you to say so in person, but is gone; now I await your decision. Shall I +order you a room?" + +"Surgeon Baxter! Why--what does he know about me?" + +"Oh, Surgeon Baxter, two medical inspectors, and the surgeon of this +ward were present this morning when you came in and took possession." + +His black eyes twinkled, and he shook with laughter when I sat up, +clasped my hands, and said: + +"Oh, dear? Were they the men who were standing around Charlie? Why I +had not dreamed of them being surgeons!" + +"Did you not know by their shoulders traps?" + +"Shoulderstraps? Do surgeons have shoulderstraps? I thought only +officers wore them!" + +"Well, surgeons are officers, and you can know by my shoulderstraps that +I am a surgeon." + +"Oh, I do not mind you; but Dr. Baxter! How I did behave before him! +What must he have thought? And he does not allow women to come here!" + +"Well. You passed inspection; and as you propose to stay with us, I will +have a room prepared for you." + +He then went on to state that the reason Doctor Baxter would not have +female nurses, was that he would not submit to Miss Dix's interference, +did not like the women she chose, and army regulations did not permit +him to employ any other. + +"But," he continued, "no one can object to his entertaining a guest, and +as his guest you can employ your time as you wish." + +Ah! what a glorious boon it was, this privilege of work, and my little +barrack-room, just twice the width of my iron cot. I would not have +exchanged for any suite in Windsor palace. + + + +CHAPTER LV. + + +FIND A NAME. + +Nothing was more needed in the bad ward, than an antidote for +homesickness, and, to furnish this, I used my talking talent to the +utmost, but no subject was so interesting as myself. I was the mystery +of the hour. Charlie was commissioned to make discoveries, and the +second day came, with a long face, and said: + +"Do you know what they say about you?" + +"No indeed! and suspect I should never guess." + +"Well, they say you're an old maid!" + +I stopped work, rose from my knees, confronted him and exclaimed, with +an injured air: + +"An old maid! Why Charlie! is it possible you let them talk in that +manner about me, after the nice pickles I gave you?" + +The pickles had made him sick, and now there was a general laugh at his +expense, but he stuck to his purpose and said: + +"Well, ain't you on old maid?" + +"An old maid, Charlie? Did any one ever see such a saucy boy?" + +"Oh, but tell us, good earnest, ain't you an old maid?" + +"Well then, good earnest, Charlie, I expect I shall be one, if I live to +be old enough." + +"Live to be old enough! How old do you call yourself?" + +I set down my basin, counted on my fingers, thought it over and +replied: + +"Well, if I live two months and five days longer, I shall be sixteen." + +Then there was a shout at Charlie's expense, and I resumed my work, +grave as an owl. That furnished amusement until it grew stale, when +Charlie came to ask me my name, and I told him it was Mrs. Snooks. + +"Mrs. Snooks?" repeated a dozen men, who looked sadly disappointed, and +Charlie most of all, as I added: + +"Yes; Mrs. Timothy Snooks, of Snooksville, Minnesota." + +This was worse and worse. It was evident no one liked the name, but all, +save one, were too polite to say so, and he roared out: + +"I don't believe a word of it!" + +I sat at some distance with my back to him, dressing a wound; and, +without turning, said, + +"Why? What is the matter with you?" + +"I don't believe that such a looking woman as you are ever married a +fellow by the name of Snooks:" + +"That is because you are not acquainted with the Snooks' family: brother +Peter's wife is a much better looking woman than I am!" + +"Good lookin'!" he sneered; "call yourself good lookin', do you?" + +"Well, I think you intimated as much, did he not boys?" + +They all said he had, and the laugh was turned on him; but he exclaimed +doggedly, + +"I don't care! I'm not goin' to call you Snooks!" + +"And what do you propose to call me?" + +"I'll call you Mary." + +"But Mary is not my name." + +"I don't care! It's the name of all the nice girls I know!" + +"Very good! I too shall probably be a nice girl if I live to grow up, +but just now it seems as if I should die in infancy--am too good to +live." + +"You're the greatest torment ever any man saw." + +The last pin was in that bandage; I arose, turned, and the thought +flashed through my brain, "a tiger." His eyes literally blazed, and I +went to him, looking straight into them, just as I had done into Tom's +more than once. A minnie rifle ball had passed through his right ankle, +and when I saw him first the flesh around the wound was purple and the +entire limb swollen almost to bursting. The ward master told me he had +been given up three days before, and was only waiting his turn to be +carried to the dead house. Next morning the surgeon confirmed the +account, said he had been on the amputation table and sent away in hope +the foot might be saved, adding: + +"I think we were influenced by the splendor of the man's form. It seemed +sacrilege to mangle such a leg then, before we knew it was too late." + +I thought the inflammation might be removed. He said if that were done +they could amputate and save him, and the conversation ended in the +surgeon giving the man to me to experiment on my theory. This seemed to +be generally known, and the case was watched with great interest. No one +interfered with my treatment of him, and nurses designated him to me as +"your man." + +He was a cross between a Hercules and Apollo--grey-eyed, brown-haired, +the finest specimen of physical manhood I have ever seen, and now his +frail hold on life was endangered by the rage into which I had +unwittingly thrown him. So I sat bathing and soothing him, looking ever +and anon steadily into his eyes, and said: + +"You had better call me mother." + +"Mother!" he snarled, "You my mother!" + +"Why not?" + +"Why, you're not old enough!" + +"I am twice as old as you are! + +"No, you 're not; and another thing, you're not big enough!" He raised +his head, surveyed me leisurely and contemptuously, his dark silky +moustache went up against his handsome nose as he sank back and said +slowly: + +"Why, you-'re-not-much-bigger-'an-a-bean!" + +"Still, I am large enough to take care of you and send you back to your +regiment if you are reasonable: but no one can do anything for you if +you fly into a rage in this way!" + +"Yes! and you know that, and you put me in a rage going after them other +fellows. You know I've got the best right to you. I claimed you soon as +you come in the door, and called you afore you got half down the ward. +You said you'd take care of me and now you don't do it. The surgeon give +me to you too. You know I can't live if you don't save me, and you don't +care if I die!" + +I was penitent and conciliatory, and promised to be good, when he said +doggedly: + +"Yes! and I'll call you Mary!" + +"Very well, Mary is a good name--it was my mother's, and I shall no +doubt come to like it." + +"I guess it is a good name! It was my mother's name too, and any woman +might be glad to be called Mary. But I never did see a woman 'at had any +sense!" + +He soon growled himself to sleep, and from that time I called him "Ursa +Major;" but he only slept about half an hour, when a nurse in great +fright summoned me. They had lifted him and he had fainted. + +I helped to put him back into bed, and bathed him until consciousness +returned, when he grasped my wrist with a vice-like hold and groaned. + +"Oh God! Oh mother! Is this death?" + +I heard no more of Miss Mary, or nice girls; but God and mother and +death were often on his lips. + +To the great surprise of every one I quelled the inflammation and fever, +banished the swelling, and got him into good condition, when the foot +was amputated and shown to me. The ankle joint was ground into small +pieces, and these were mingled with bits of leather and woolen sock. No +wonder the inflammation had been frightful; but it was some time after +that before I knew the foot might have been saved by making a sufficient +opening from the outside, withdrawing the loose irritating matter, and +keeping an opening through which nature could have disposed of her +waste. I do not know if surgery have yet discovered this plain, +common-sense rule, but tens of thousands of men have died, and tens of +thousands of others have lost limbs because it was not known and acted +upon. All those men who died of gun-shot flesh wounds were victims to +surgical stupidity. + +I nursed the cross man until he went about on crutches, and his faith in +me was equal in perfection to his form, for he always held that I could +"stop this pain" if I would, and rated me soundly if I was "off in ward +Ten" when he wanted me. One day he scolded worse than usual, and soon +after an Irishman said, in an aside: + +"Schure mum, an' ye mustn't be afther blamin' de rist av us fur that +fellow's impidence. Schure, an' there's some av us that 'ud kick him out +av the ward, if we could, for the way he talks to ye afther all that you +have done for 'im an' fur all av us." + +"Why! why! How can you feel so? What difference is it to me how he +talks? It does him good to scold, and what is the use of a man having a +mother if he cannot scold her when he is in pain? I wish you would all +scold me! It would do you ever so much good. You quite break my heart +with your patience. Do, please be as cross as bears, all of you, +whenever you feel like it, and I will get you well in half the time." + +"Schure mum, an' nobody iver saw the likes of ye!" + +A man was brought from a field hospital, and laid in our ward, and one +evening his stump was giving him great pain, when the cross man advised +him to send for me, and exclaimed: + +"There's mother, now; send for her." + +"Oh!" groaned the sufferer, "what can she do?" + +"I don't know what she can do; an' she don't know what she can do; but +just you send for her! She'll come, and go to fussin' an' hummin' about +just like an old bumble-bee, an' furst thing you know you won't know +nothin', for the pain'll be gone an' you'll be asleep." + + + +CHAPTER LVI. + + +DROP MY ALIAS. + +The second or third day of my hospital work, Mrs. Gaylord, the +Chaplain's wife, came and inquired to what order I belonged, saying that +the officers of the hospital were anxious to know. I laughed, and told +her I belonged exclusively to myself, and did not know of any order +which would care to own me. Then she very politely inquired my name, and +I told her it was Mrs. Jeremiah Snooks, when she went away, apparently +doubting my statement. I had been in Campbell almost a week, when Dr. +Kelly came and said: + +"Madam, I have been commissioned by the officers of this hospital to +ascertain your name. None of us know how to address you, and it is very +awkward either in speaking to you, or of you, not to be able to name +you." + +"Doctor, will not Mrs. Snooks do for a name, for all the time I shall be +here?" + +"No, madam, it will not do." + +I was very unwilling to give my name, which was prominently before the +public, on account of my Indian lecture and _Tribune_ letters, but I +seemed to have at least a month's work to do in Campbell. Hospital +stores were pouring in to my city address, and being sent to me at a +rate which created much wonder, and the men who had given me their +confidence had a right to know who I was. + +So I gave my name, and must repeat it before the Doctor could realize +the astounding fact; even then he took off his cap and said: + +"It is not possible you are _the_ Mrs. ----, the lady who lectured in +Doctor Sunderland's church!" + +So I was proclaimed, with a great flourish of trumpets. For two hours my +patients seemed afraid of me, and it did seem too bad to merge that +giantess of the bean-pole and the press and the tall woman of the +platform both in poor little insignificant me! It was like blotting out +the big bear and the middle-sized bear from the old bear story, and +leaving only the one poor little bear to growl over his pot of porridge. + +In Ward Five was one man who had been laid on his left side, and never +could be moved while he lived. His right arm suffered for lack of +support, and when I knelt to give him nourishment from a spoon, and pray +with him that the deliverer would soon come, he always laid that arm +over my shoulders. The first time I knelt there after I was known, he +said: + +"Ah, you are such a great lady, and do not mind a poor soldier laying +his arm over you!" + +"Christ, the great Captain of our Salvation," I replied, "gathers you in +his arms and pillows your head upon his bosom. Am I greater than he? +Your good right arm has fought for liberty, and it is an honor to +support it, when you are no longer able." + +But nothing else I could ever say to him, was so much comfort as the old +cry of the sufferer by the wayside, "Jesus, thou son of David, have +mercy on me." + +Over and over again we said that prayer in concert, while he waited in +agony for the only relief possible--that of death; and from our last +interview I returned to the bad ward, so sad that I felt the shadow of +my face fall upon every man in it. I could not drive away death's gloom; +but I could work and talk, and both work and talk were needed. + +I sat down between two young Irishmen, both with wounded heads, and +began to bathe them, and comfort them, and said: + +"If you are not better in the morning, I shall amputate both those +heads; they shall not plague you in this manner another day." + +Maybe my sad face made this funny, for their sense of the ridiculous was +so touched that they clasped their sore heads and shrieked with +laughter. Every man in the ward caught the infection, and I was called +upon for explanations of the art of amputating heads, and inquiries as +to Surgeon Baxter's capacity of performing the operation. + +This grotesque idea proved a fruitful subject of conversation, and aided +in leading sufferers away from useless sorrow, toward hope and health; +and bad as the ward was we lost but two men in it. + + + +CHAPTER LVII. + + +HOSPITAL DRESS. + +In that sad ward one superior, intelligent young man, who was thought to +be doing well, suddenly burst an artery, and ropes were put up to warn +visitors and others not to come in, and we who were in, moved with bated +breath lest some motion should start the life-current. While his last +hope was on a stillness which forbade him to move a finger, two lady +visitors came to the door, were forbidden to enter, but seeing me +inside, must follow the sheep instinct of the sex, and go where any +other woman had gone. So, with pert words, they forced their way in, +made a general flutter, and, oh horror! one of them caught her hoops on +the iron cot of the dying man. He was only saved from a severe jerk by +the prompt intervention of the special nurse. They were led out as +quietly as possible, but the man had received a slight jerk and a +serious shock. The hemorrhage would probably have returned if they had +not come in, but it did return, and the young, strong life ebbed +steadily away in a crimson current which spread over the floor. + +From that day until the end of my hospital work, one fact forced itself +upon my attention, and this is, that with all the patriotism of the +American women, during that war, and all their gush of sympathy for the +soldier, a vast majority were much more willing to "kiss him for his +mother" than render him any solid service, and that not one in a hundred +of the women who succeeded in getting into hospitals would dress so as +not to be an object of terror to men whose life depended on quiet. + +Women were capable of any heroism save wearing a dress suitable for +hospital work. The very, very few who laid aside their hoops, those +instruments of dread and torture, generally donned bloomers, and gave +offense by airs of independence. + +Good women would come long distances to see dying husbands, brothers and +sons, and fill the wards with alarm by their hoops. When any one was +hurt by them they were very sorry, but never gave up the cause of +offense, while their desire to look well, and the finery and fixings +they donned to improve their appearance, was a very broad and painful +burlesque. Women were seldom permitted to stay in a hospital over night, +even with a dying friend, and the inhabitants were generally glad when +they started for home. + +It was the dress nuisance which caused nuns to have the preference in so +many cases; but I could not see or hear that they ever did anything but +make converts to the church and take care of clothing and jellies. + +One thing is certain, _i.e._, that women never can do efficient and +general service in hospitals until their dress is prescribed by laws +inexorable as those of the Medes and Persians. Then, that dress should +be entirely destitute of steel, starch, whale-bone, flounces, and +ornaments of all descriptions; should rest on the shoulders, have a +skirt from the waist to the ankle, and a waist which leaves room for +breathing. I never could have done my hospital work but for the dress +which led most people to mistake me for a nun. + + + +CHAPTER LVIII. + + +SPECIAL WORK. + +In the wilderness of work I must choose, and began to select men who had +been given up by the surgeons, and whom I thought might be saved by +special care. Surgeon Kelly soon entered into my plan, and made his ward +my headquarters. To it my special patients were brought, until there was +no more room for them. That intuitive perception of the natural position +of muscles, and the importance of keeping them in it, which came to me +on first seeing a wound dressed, gave me such control over pain that I +used to go through the wards between midnight and morning and put +amputation cases to sleep at the rate of one in fifteen minutes. + +In these morning walks I saw that the nurses were on duty and had +substantial refreshments, saw those changes for the worse, sure to come, +if they came at all, in those chill hours. Seeing them soon was +important to meeting them successfully, and I succeeded in breaking up +many a chill before it did serious damage, which must have proved fatal +if left until the morning visit of the Surgeon. Also, in those walks I +chose special cases; have more than once sat down by a man and +calculated in this way: + +"You may have twenty, forty years of useful life, if I can save you; I +shall certainly die one year sooner for the labor I expend on you, but +there will be a large gain in the average of life and usefulness; and +when you risked all of your life for the country as much mine as yours, +it is but just that I should give a small part of mine to save you." + +Every man lived whom I elected to life, and Dr. Kelly, who knew more +than any one else about my plans, and on whom I most counted for aid, +has said that I saved enough to the government in bounty money, by +returning men to duty who would otherwise have died, to warrant it in +supporting me the balance of my life; but his statements could not +always be relied upon, for he insisted that I never slept, had not been +asleep during the seven weeks spent in Campbell, was a witch and would +float like a cork, if thrown from the Long Bridge into the Potomac. + +In selecting a man in desperate case to be saved, I always took his +temperament and previous life into consideration. A man of pure life and +sanguine temperament was hard to kill. Give him the excuse of good +nursing and he would live through injuries which must be fatal to a +bilious, suspicious man, or one who had been guilty of any excess. A +tobacco chewer or smoker died on small provocation. A drunkard or +debauchee was killed by a scratch. + +There were two ward surgeons who disapproved of the innovation of a +woman in Campbell, and especially of one held amenable to no rules. They +were both in favor of heroic treatment, which I did not care to witness, +and I spent little time in their wards. One of them kept a man, with two +bricks tied to his foot and hanging over the foot of the bed, until he +died, after ten days of a sleepless agony such as could not well have +been excelled in an Inquisition; while his wife tried to comfort him +under a torture she begged in vain to have remitted. The night after +she started home with his body, I was passing through the ward, when I +came upon a young Philadelphia Zouave in a perfect paroxysm of anguish. +Three nurses stood around him, and to my inquiry "What _is_ the matter?" +replied by dumb show that coming death was the matter, and that soon all +would be over; while in words they told me he had not slept for +forty-eight hours. + +I had one place a chair for me, sat down, and with my long, thin hands +grasped the thigh stump, which was making all the trouble, drew and +pressed the muscle into a natural, easy position, cooed and talked and +comforted the sufferer, as I should have done a sick baby, and in ten +minutes he was asleep. + +Then I whispered the nurses to bring cotton and oakum, and little +cushions; made them put the cotton and oakum, in small tufts, to my +index fingers; and while I crooned my directions in a sing-song lullaby +air, I worked in this support, gradually and imperceptibly withdrawing +my hands, until I could substitute the little cushions for the force by +which they held the muscle in proper position. This done, my boy-soldier +slept as sweetly as ever he had done in his crib. + +Next morning a nurse came running for me to hurry to him. He had slept +six hours, waked, had his breakfast, and had his wound dressed, and now +the pain was back bad as ever. I went, fixed the mangled muscle with +reference to his change of position, made a half-mould to hold it there, +and before I had finished he began an eight-hour sleep. Ten days after +he was sent home to his mother, and I saw or heard of him no more. + + + +CHAPTER LIX. + + +HEROIC AND ANTI-HEROIC TREATMENT. + +The other ward in which I was not welcome, adjoined that one in which my +room was situated, and to reach it I must go out of doors or pass +through one-half the length of that ward. In these passages I had an +opportunity for studying Piemia and its ordinary treatment, and could +give the men lemonade when they wanted it. + +In this ward lay a young German with a wounded ankle. He had a broad, +square forehead, skin white as wax, large blue eyes and yellow hair, +inclined to curl. His whole appearance indicated high culture, and an +organization peculiarly sensitive to pleasure or pain; but no one seemed +to understand that he suffered more than others from a like cause. + +Surgeon and nurses scoffed at his moans, and thought it babyish, for a +muscular man over six feet to show so many signs of pain. I think that +from some cause, the surgeon felt vindictive toward him, and that his +subordinates took their cue from him. When I went to give him lemonade, +he would clutch my hand or dress, look up in my face, and plead: + +"Oh, mutter! mutter!" + +But if I sat down to soothe and comfort him, a nurse always came to +remind me of the surgeon's orders, and I used to go around on the +outside, that he might not see and call me. When he was in the +amputation room I heard his shrieks and groans, and carried a glass of +wine to the door for him. + +He heard my voice, and called "Mutter! mutter!" + +I pushed past the orderly, ran to him, and his pleading eyes seemed to +devour me as he fastened his gaze on my face. I cannot think to this day +why be should have been nude for the amputation of a foot; but he was, +and some one threw a towel across his loins as I approached. + +Dr. Baxter said: + +"No sympathy! no sympathy!" + +So I stood by him, placed a hand on each side of his corrugated brow, +steadied my voice and said: + +"Be a man and a soldier!" + +He had asked me for bread; I gave him a stone, and no wonder he dashed +it back in my face. With a fierce cry he said: + +"I hev been a man and a sojer long enough!" + +Ah! verily had he, and much too long. Days before that he should have +been "a boy again;" aye, a baby, a very infant--should have been soothed +and softened and comforted with all the tenderness of mother-love; but +even now, in this cruel extremity, every sign of sympathy was denied +him. Some one put a hand gently but firmly on each of my shoulders, +turned my back to him, took me out of the room, and I hurried away, +while the air shuddered with his shrieks and groans. After he had been +brought back to his place in the ward I could often hear him as I passed +to and from my room, and even while I occupied it. + +Once he saw me through the open door, and called, "Mutter! mutter!" + +I went, knelt by him, took his hands, which were stretched appealingly +to me, and spoke comforting words, while his blue eyes seemed ready to +start from their sockets, as he clung to my hands with the old familiar +cry: + +"Oh, Mutter! Mutter!" + +He was strapped down to his iron cot, about as closely as he had been to +the amputation table, and the cot fastened to the floor. I had not been +five minutes at his side when his special nurse hurried up and warned me +to leave, saying: + +"It's surgeon's orders. He's not going to have any babyin'!" + +I drew my hands from the frantic grasp, took away that last hold on +human sympathy, and hurried oat, while his cry of "Oh, mutter! mutter!" +rung in my ears as I turned and looked on his pure high brow for the +last time. + +Next morning I heard he had lock-jaw, and that the surgeon was to leave. + +The night after that victim of some frightful, fiendish experiment had +been carried to the dead-house, I was passing through the ward, when +attracted by sounds of convulsive weeping, and I found a young man in an +agony of grief, in one of those sobbing fits sure to come to the +bravest. He was in a high fever, and while I bathed his face and hands, +I asked the cause of his outbreak, and he sobbed: + +"Oh, the pain in my wound! This is the third night I have not slept, and +my God! I can bear it no longer!" + +It was a flesh-wound in the thigh, such an one as usually proved fatal, +and while I set him to talking I began patching scraps of observation +into a theory. He was from Pennsylvania, and bitterly charged his State +with having done nothing for her wounded, and when I asked why he had +not sent for me, he said: + +"Oh, I thought you were from Massachusetts, like all the rest of them; +and if my own State would do nothing for me, I would not beg. People +come here every day looking for Massachusetts soldiers. Since I have +been frantic here, ladies have come and stood and looked at me, and said +'Poor fellow!' as if I had been a dog. I was as well raised as any of +them, even if I am a common soldier." + +I thought his recovery very doubtful, and talked to draw his thoughts to +the better land. To his charges against his native land, I said: "I am a +Pennsylvanian; and more than that, the Governor of Pennsylvania sent me +to you; bade me come to-night, that you might know he had not forgotten +you." + +"He did? Why, how did he know anything about it?" + +"He just knows all about it, and has been caring for you all this time. +I do not mean Andy Curtin. He is nothing but a subaltern; but the dear +Lord, our Father in Heaven, who never forgets us, though he often +afflicts us. He sent me to you now, that you might know he loves you. It +was he who made me love you and care to help you. All the love and care +that come to you are a part of his love." + +"He wept afresh but less bitterly, and said: + +"Oh you will think I am a baby!" + +"Well! That is just what you ought to be. Your past life is sufficient +certificate of manhood; and now has come your time to be a baby, while +I am mother. You have been lying here like an engine, under a high +pressure of steam, and the safety-value fastened down with a billet of +wood, until there has been almost an explosion. Now just take away that +stick of wood--your manhood and pride, and let out all the groans and +tears you have pent in your heart. Cry all you can! This is your time +for crying!" + +When I had talked him into a mood to let me feel if his feet were warm, +I found that wounded limb dreadfully swollen, cold almost as death, +stretched out as he lay on his back, and a cushion right under the heel. +Had there been no wound the position must have been unendurable. Without +letting him know, I drew that cushion up until it filled the hollow +between the heel and calf of the leg, and supported the strained muscle, +tucked a handful of oakum under the knee, moved the toes, brushed and +rubbed the foot, until circulation started, sponged it, rolled it in +flannel, of which I had a supply in my basket, washed the well foot, and +put a warm woolen sock on it, arranged the cover so that it would not +rest on the toes of the sore leg; told him to get the new surgeon next +morning to make a large opening on the lower side of his thigh, where +the bullet had gone out--to ask him to cut lengthwise of the muscle; get +out everything he could, that ought not to be in there; keep that +opening open with a roll of bandage, so that old Mother Nature should +have a trap-door through which she could throw her chips out of that +work-shop in his thigh; to be sure and not hint to the surgeon that I +had said anything about it, and not fail to have it done. + +I left him asleep, and the next day he told me the surgeon had taken a +quart of pus and several pieces of woolen cloth out of his wound, and +his recovery was rapid. + + + +CHAPTER LX. + + +COST OF ORDER. + +In making molds and rests for mangled limbs, I had large demands for +little cushions, and without economy could not get enough. When one just +fitted a place I wanted to keep it, and to do this, must have it aired, +perhaps washed. To avoid lint dressings, I hunted pieces of soft, table +linen, gave to patients pieces to suit, and as the supply was short they +would get nurses and surgeons to leave their pieces of linen, after +dressing their wounds until I should take charge, and have them cleansed +for next time. To do all this, I must use the grass-plats and railings +for airing and drying cushions and rags. These plats and railings were +for ornament, and there was soon a protest against putting them to "such +vile uses." I had gone into the hospital with the stupid notion that its +primary object was the care and comfort of the sick and wounded. It was +long after that I learned that a vast majority of all benevolent +institutions are gotten up to gratify the asthetic tastes of the public; +exhibit the wealth and generosity of the founders, and furnish places +for officers. The beneficiaries of the institutions are simply an +apology for their existence, and having furnished that apology, the less +said about them the better. + +The surgeons of Campbell did really want its patients to be happy and +get well; but it was a model institution, with a reputation to sustain; +was part of a system under general laws, which might not be broken with +impunity. There was no law against a man dying for want of sleep from +pain caused by misplaced muscle; but the statutes against litter were +inexorable as those of the Medes and Persians. The Campbell surgeons +winked at my litter, until one regular inspection day, when my cushions +and rags, clean and unclean, those marked John Smith, and those labeled +Tom Brown, were all huddled up and stuffed _en masse_ into the pantry +closet. + +I used to wonder if the Creator had invented a new variety of idiot, and +made a lot in order to supply the army with medical inspectors, or, if +by some cunning military device, the Surgeon-General had been able to +select all those conglomerations of official dignity and asinine +stupidity, from the open donkey-market of the world. Inspecting a +hospital was just like investigating an Indian fraud. The man whose work +was to be inspected or investigated, met the inspector or investigator +at the door, showed him all he wished him to see and examine witnesses +wholly in his power--when the inspected and inspector, the investigated +and investigator exchanged compliments, and the public were gratified to +learn that all was in a most gratifying condition of perfect order. + +One day we had a particularly searching inspection, and next day nurse +told me of some four new cases which had been brought in a week before, +one of whom the inspectors said was past hope. I found his feet and +legs with, a crust on them like the shell of a snail; had a piece of +rubber cloth laid under them, and with tepid water, a good crash towel, +and plenty of rubbing, got down to the skin, which I rubbed well with +lard. Then with fresh towels and water at hand, I drew away the sheet in +which the patient had rolled his head, and while I washed his head and +arms and breast, I talked, and he tried to answer; but it was some time +before he could steady his tongue and lips so as to articulate, and when +he did, his first words were: + +"Are you the woman that's been a-washin' my feet?" + +"That is exactly what I have been doing, and much need they had of it. +Do you not think you are a pretty fellow to have me come all the way +from Minnesota to wash your feet?" + +It was with much effort he could fix his dazed eyes on my face, and he +made several pitiful attempts before he succeeded in saying: + +"I think ye'r the best woman that ever I saw!" + +"Ah, that is because you never saw much, away out there in Venango +county, Pennsylvania, where you live. There are thousands of better +women than I, running around hunting work, in this part of the country." + +"Is there?" + +"Yes, indeed; and nothing for them to do!" + +"I never saw none uv 'em!" + +"That is because you have had your head rolled up in that sheet. Just +keep your head uncovered, so you can breathe this nice, fresh air; open +your eyes every little while, and you will see a whole row of those +women, all hunting work!" + +He seemed quite interested, and when I had done washing and given +directions to a nurse to cleanse the balance of his person, I asked if +there was anything more I could do for him, when he stammered: + +"Not unless you could get me a cup of tea--a cup of good green tea, +'thout any milk or sugar in it. If you do, I'll pay you for it." + +"Pay me for it, will you? and how much will you give me--three cents?" + +"Oh, I'll give you twenty-five cents." + +"Twenty-five cents for a cup of good green tea, without any milk or +sugar in it!" + +I called the ward to witness the bargain, said I should grow rich at +that rate, and hurried off for the tea. + +I had a little silver tray and tea-set, with two china cups. Mrs. +Gangewer, of the Ohio Aid Society, had sent me a tin tea-kettle and +spirit-lamp; folks at a distance had sent plenty of the best tea; and +that little tea-tray had become a prominent feature of Campbell long +before this poor fellow specified his want. I made the tray unusually +attractive that day, and fed him his tea from a spoon, while he admired +the tiny pot, out of which, with the aid of the kettle, I could furnish +twenty cups of good tea. When I had served all in that ward who wanted +tea, the first one took a second cup, and while taking it his skin grew +moist, and I knew he was saved from that death of misplaced matter +vulgarly called "dirt," to which well-paid medical inspectors had +consigned him, while giving their invaluable scientific attention to +floor-scrubbing and bed-making, to whitewashing and laundry-work. + +I doubt if there were a Medical Inspector in the army who was not a +first rate judge of the art of folding and ironing a sheet or +pillow-slip; of the particular tuck which brought out the outlines of +the corners of a mattress, as seen through a counterpane; and of the art +and mystery of cleaning a floor. It did seem as if they had all reached +office through their great proficiency as cabin-boys. + +Next day I went to that ward with my tea-tray; and after learning that +that man had been washed once more, asked him if he wanted another cup +of tea. + +"I'd like to have one," he stammered; "but I didn't pay you for the last +one, and I can't find my wallet!" + +I saw the debt troubled him, and took this as one more evidence that +somewhere there were people who sold hospital stores to sick soldiers. +So I took pains to explain that he owed me nothing; that the tea was +his--ladies had sent it to me to give to him--and all the pay they +wanted was for him to get well, and go home to his mother. + +The idea that some one was thinking for him seemed to do him almost as +much good as the tea. + +I left Campbell next day, but on my first visit found him convalescing, +and on the second visit he ran down the ward holding his sides and +laughing, and I saw or heard of him no more. + + + +CHAPTER LXI. + + +LEARN TO CONTROL PIEMIA. + +About ten days after I went to Campbell, I was called at midnight to a +death-bed. It was a case of flesh-wound in the thigh, and the whole limb +was swollen almost to bursting, so cold as to startle by the touch, and +almost as transparent as glass. I knew this was piemia and that for it +medical science had no cure; but I wanted to warm that cold limb, to +call circulation back to that inert mass. The first thought was warm, +wet compresses, hot bricks, hot flannel; but the kitchen was locked, and +it was little I could do without fire, except to receive and write down +his dying messages to parents, and the girl who was waiting to be his +wife. + +When the surgeon's morning hour came he still lived; and at my +suggestion the warm compresses were applied. He said, "they feel so +good," and was quite comforted by them, but died about ten o'clock. I +was greatly grieved to think he had suffered from cold the last night of +life, but how avoid any number of similar occurrences? There was no +artificial heat in any of the wards. A basin of warm water was only to +be obtained by special favor of the cooks; but they had been very +courteous. The third day of my appearance among them, one looked up over +the edge of the tub over which he bent, washing potatoes, and said, as I +stood waiting for hot water, + +"Do you know what you look like going around here among us fellows?" + +"No! but nothing dreadful I hope." + +"You just look like an angel, and that's what we all think; we're ever +so much better since you came." + +The memory of this speech gave me courage to go and lay my trouble +before the cooks, who gathered to hear me tell the story of that death, +the messages left for the friends who should see him no more, and of my +sorrow that I could not drive away the cold on that last, sad night. + +They all wiped their eyes on their aprons; head cook went to a cupboard, +brought a key and handed it to me, saying: + +"There, mother, is a key of this kitchen; come in here whenever you +please. We will always find room on the ranges for your bricks, and I'll +have something nice in the cupboard every night for you and the nurses." + +This proved to be the key to the situation, and after I received that +bit of metal from cook, there was not one death from piemia in any ward +where I was free to work, although I have had as many, I think, as sixty +men struck with the premonitary chill, in one night. I concluded that +"piemia" was French for neglect, and that the antidote was warmth, +nourishing food, stimulants, friction, fresh air and cheerfulness, and +did not hesitate to say that if death wanted to get a man out of my +hands, he must send some other agent than piemia. I do not believe in +the medical theory concerning it; do not believe pus ever gets into the +veins, or that there is any poison about it, except that of ignorance +and indifference on the part of doctors and nurses. + + + +CHAPTER LXII. + + +FIRST CASE OF GROWING A NEW BONE. + +I had searched for Minnesota men in Campbell, found none, and had been +there a week, when Mrs. Kelsey told me there was one in ward ten, +credited to a Wisconsin regiment; and from him I learned that he was a +friend and neighbor of my friends, Mr. and Mrs. Bancroft, of +Mantorville, and my conscience reproached me for not sooner finding him; +but the second day Mrs. Gaylord came, as a messenger from the surgeons, +to tell me I need not spend time and strength on him, as he could not be +saved. + +His was a thigh wound. They had thought to amputate, but found the bone +shattered from joint to joint--had, with a chain saw, cut it off above +the knee, and picked out the bone in pieces. There was a splinter +attached to the upper joint, but that was all the bone left in the +thigh, and the injury was one from which recovery was impossible. His +father, a doctor, was visiting him, and knew he must die. + +I went to the patient, who said: + +"Dr. True, the ward surgeon has just been here, and tells me I must +die!" + +I sat by him fitting the measure I had been taking for two days to this +new aspect of the case, and talking of death, and the preparation for +it, until I thought I understood the case, when I said: + +"Be ready for death, as every one of any sense should always be; but I +do not intend to let you die." + +"I guess you cannot help it! All the surgeons and father agree that +there is no hope for me." + +"But they are all liable to be mistaken, and none of them have taken +into the account your courage and recuperative force; your good life and +good conscience; your muscle, like a pine log; your pure breath; your +clear skin and good blood. I do not care what they say, you will live; I +will not let you die!" + +I found Dr. Baxter, and said: + +"I want you to save Corporal Kendall!" + +"Corporal Kendall! who is he?" + +"The man out of whose thigh you took the bone last week." + +His face grew sad, but he said: + +"Oh, we mean to save them all if we can." + +"Doctor, that is no answer. I am interested in this man, know his +friends and want to understand his case. If I can keep his stomach in +good working order and well supplied with blood-making food, keep away +chills and keep down pain, so that he can sleep, will he not get well?" + +He laughed and replied: + +"Well, I really never heard of a man dying under such circumstances." + +"I can do that, doctor." + +"If you can you will save him, of course, and we will give him to you." + +"But, doctor, you must do all the surgery. I must not give him pain; +cannot see that wound." + +"Oh, certainly, we will do everything in our power; but he is yours, for +we have no hope of saving him." + +"Another thing, doctor; you will have him brought to Ward Four." + +He gave the order at once, adding: "Put him to the right of Howard"--a +young Philadelphian with a thigh stump, who was likely to die of +hemorrhage, and whose jerking nerves I could soothe and quiet better +than any one else. + +By this arrangement the man minus a thigh bone was placed in the center +of my field of labor, and under the care of Dr. Kelly; but full ten days +after this arrangement was made, he came with a rueful face and said: + +"We have consulted the Surgeon-General, Medical Inspector, and a dozen +other surgeons outside the hospital, and they all agree that there is no +hope for Kendall. The surgeons here have commissioned me to tell you, +for we think you ought to know. We all appreciate what you are doing, +and think you will save all your other men if you live, but you cannot +stand this strain long. You do not know it; but there is a limit to your +powers of endurance, and you are breaking. You certainly will die if you +keep on as you have been going, and it is not worth your while to kill +yourself for Kendall, for you cannot save him." + +"What is the reason he cannot be saved?" + +"Well, there are several reasons. First, I performed the operation, and +did not do it as thoroughly as I wished. He was coming out from under +the influence of the chloroform, and they hurried me. The case was +hopeless, and no use to give him pain, so there are several pieces of +bone which I failed to find. These are driven into the flesh, and nature +in trying to get rid of them will get up such excessive suppuration that +he must die of exhaustion. Then there is the thigh without a bone, and +there is nothing in the books to warrant a hope that it could heal in +that condition. We could not, in any case, hope for the formation of a +new bone. There are re-sections of two inches, but this is the longest +new formation of which we know anything, and in this case there can be +no hope, because the periosteum is destroyed." + +"Periosteum, doctor. What is that, again?" + +"It is the bone-feeder; the strong membrane which incloses the bone, and +through which it is made. In this case it is absolutely destroyed, +removed, torn to shreds--gone. So there are several reasons why he +cannot be saved." + +"Doctor Kelly, do you intend to let him lie there and die?" + +"Oh no! oh no! I will do all in my power for him. I am paid for that; it +is my duty; but it is not your duty to sacrifice your own life in a vain +effort to save another." + +"Doctor Kelly, he _shall_ not die; I will not let him. I know nothing +about your books and bones; but he can live with one bone wanting, and I +tell you he shall not die, and I will not die either." + +It was a week or more after this conversation I found my patient, one +morning, with blue lips and a pinched nose, and said to him: + +"What is this?" + +"Well, I had a chill last night." + +"A chill and did not send for me?" + +"You were here until after midnight, and must have some rest." + +"Corporal Kendall, how _dare_ you talk to me in that manner? You +promised to send for me if there were any change for the worse; and +after this I cannot trust you. Now I must stay here. Do you think I am +going to lose my investment in you? Do you suppose I would work over you +as I have been doing, and then drop you for fear of a little more work?" + +As I passed to the kitchen I found that blue lips and pinched noses had +suddenly come into fashion; that there were more of them than I had time +to count; but did not, for a moment, dream of letting a man get into the +graveyard by that gate. + +The merry, young Irishman who had volunteered as my orderly, had a +period of active service; and no more willing pair of hands and feet +ever were interposed between men and death. Hot bricks, hot blankets, +bottles of hot water, hot whisky punch and green tea were the order of +the forenoon, and of a good many hours of night and day after it; for +that victory was won by a long struggle. For ten nights I never lay down +in my room; but slept, all I did sleep, lying on a cot about the center +of Ward Four, and two cots from the man minus a bone. I could drop +asleep in an instant, and sleep during ordinary movements; but a change +in a voice brought me to my post in a moment. I could command anything +in the dispensary or store-rooms at any hour of the day or night, and +carried many a man through the crisis of a night attack, when if he had +been left until discovered in the morning, there would have been little +hope for him; and when a surgeon could have done nothing without a key +to the kitchen which none of them had. + +I kept no secrets from any of them: told each one just what I had done +in his ward; thankfully received his approval and directions, asked +about things I did not understand, and was careful that my nursing was +in harmony with his surgery. + +During that trial-time there was one night that death seemed to be +gaining the victory in Corporal Kendall's case. Pain defied my utmost +efforts and held the citadel. Sleep fled; the circulation grew sluggish, +and both he and I knew that the result hung on the hour. It was two +o'clock A.M., and from midnight I had been trying to bring rest. The +injured limb was suspended in a zinc trough. I had raised, lowered it by +imperceptible motions; cut bandage where it seemed to bind, tucked in +bits of cotton or oakum, kept the toes in motion, irritated the surface +wherever I could get the point of a finger in through the bandages; kept +up the heat of the body, and the hope of the soul; and sat down to hold +his hands and try mesmeric passes and sounds, when he turned his head on +the pillow, and said: + +"Even if I should get well, I'll never be fit for infantry service +again." + +"No, you never will." + +"I might walk with that machine you talk of; but never could march and +carry a knapsack! But I have been thinking. I am a pretty good +engineer. You know Secretary Stanton? You might get me transferred to +the Navy, and I could run an engine on a gunboat." + +"That is it, exactly! You will get over this! I will have you +transferred to a gunboat, and next time you will go into the Rebellion +prow foremost. You ought to be at work, in time to help take +Charleston." + +I continued to talk, in a sing-song croone, to stroke his +head, and hold his hand, until he slept, which was but a few moments +after settling that transfer, and the last time I saw him, which was in +'79, he got over the ground and up and down stairs, as fast as most +people, his new bone being quite as good as any of the old ones, except +being a little short and decidedly crooked, although the crook did not +effect its usefulness or general appearance. + + + +CHAPTER LXIII. + + +A HEROIC MOTHER. + +James Bride, who drew me to Campbell, by asking for "something to quench +thirst," was one of the thousands who died of flesh-wounds, for want of +surgical trap doors, through which nature might throw out her chips. His +wound was in the hip, and no opening ever was made to the center of the +injury, except that made by the bullet which had gone in and staid +there. + +His mother came three days before he died, and being minus hoops and +finery, the ward surgeon was anxious she should remain with her son, and +we arranged that she should sleep in my room. There was just space +between the cot and wall for the breadth of a mattress, and when the +door was shut, that space was long enough, for me to lie between the +door and the stand. I have never entertained a guest more cheerfully, or +one by whose presence I felt more honored; yet the traveling costume was +a short calico dress, strong leather shoes and blue woolen stockings, +visible below the dress, a gingham sunbonnet and double-bordered cap +tied under her chin. + +Several richly dressed ladies came from Eastern cities to see dying +relatives, but to none of them were the surgeons so thoroughly +respectful, as to this plain, strong, clean, high-souled country-woman, +who staid with her son, and was hailed with joy by all the men in his +ward, to every one of whom she was sympathetic and helpful. + +Her case was hard. She and her husband, who was old and feeble, had just +three sons, two strong and vigorous, one a cripple. Their two vigorous +sons enlisted together, and fell in the charge on Marie's Hill, within +ten feet and ten minutes of each other. William was buried on the +battle-field, and she had come to see James die in hospital. + +When all was over and her boy was carried to the dead house, they +brought her to me, and I have never heard such pathetic, eloquent +expressions of grief as those she poured forth in that little, rough, +barrack-room. + +"Oh, William! William!" she sobbed, "You are lying, to-night, in your +bloody grave, and your mother will never know where it is! and you, +James! you were my first-born, but I cannot go to you now, where you lie +in the darkness among the dead! Oh, but it is a sad story I must carry +to your old father, to bring his gray hairs in sorrow to the grave. Who +can we lean upon, in our old age? Who will take care of Johnny when we +are gone? Oh, it is a hard, hard lot." + +She wrung her hands, bowed over her knees, in a paroxysm of tears, then +raised herself, threw back her head, and exclaimed. "But oh! boys dear, +wouldn't I rather you were where you are this night, than that you had +thrown down your guns and run!" + + + +CHAPTER LXIV. + + +TWO KINDS OF APPRECIATION. + +Looking down the long vista of memory, to the many faces turned to me +from beds of pain, I find few to which I can attach a name, and one I +seem never to have looked upon but once. It is a long, sallow face, +surmounted by bushy, yellow hair; it has a clear, oval outline, and +straight nose, brown eyes and a down of young manhood on the wasted, +trembling lips; I knew it then, as the face of a fever patient, but not +one to whom I had rendered any special service, and felt surprised when +the trembling lips said, in a pitiful, pleading way. + +"We boys has been a talkin' about you!" + +"Have you, my dear--and what have you boys been saying about me?" + +"We've jist been a sayin' that good many ladies has been kind to us, but +none uv 'em ever loved us but you!" + +"Well, my dear, I do not know how it is with the other ladies, but I am +sure I do love you very, very dearly! You do not know half how much I +love you." + +"Oh, yes, we do! yes, we do! we know 'at you don't take care uv us +'cause it's your juty! you jist do it 'cause you love to!" + +"That is it exactly--just because I love to, and because I want you to +get well and go to your mothers." + +"Yes! but the boys says you don't care about 'em when they get well." + +"They do not need to have me care for them when they are well." + +"Oh, yes, they do! yes, they do! an' if that's the way you're a goin' to +serve me, I'll stay sick a long time." + +When hospital stores came to me so fast that there was great trouble in +getting them wisely distributed, Campbell lent me an ambulance to go +around, see where they were needed, and supply as many as I could. I had +a letter from an old Pittsburg neighbor, asking me to see his brother in +Douglas Hospital, and went in an ambulance well supplied with jellies +and fruit. + +Douglas Hospital was an institution of which the city was proud. It had +much finer buildings than any other in the city, occupied the finest +residence block in the city, and had a wide reputation for grandeur and +beauty and superb management. I found the halls and rooms quite as +elegant as I had any reason to expect, but was surprised to find that +elegance undisturbed by the presence of sick or wounded men. In one back +room a wounded officer looked lonely, and they said there were other +rooms used for sick soldiers, but all I saw were parlors, reception +rooms, offices and sleeping apartments for surgeons, and the Lady +Abbess, with her attendant Sisters of Mercy or Charity. + +After we had strolled through several sumptuous apartments, we were +taken out into the adjoining square, where there were large barracks as +white as lime and brushes could make them, and making a pretty picture +among the trees. Inside, the walls were white as on the outside, and the +pictures already up, as well as those just being put up, were bright as +bright could be. Indeed. I do not know how pictures could have been +greener or bluer or yellower or redder, and when the show-off man called +my attention to them, as calculated to make the place cheerful; I +recognized their merit, but suggested that some paper blinds might be +desirable to keep the sun from shining into the faces of the men who lay +on the cots. + +The roof or walls did not seem well calculated to keep out wind or rain, +but paper blinds would ward off sunshine. From the condition of the +floor, it was evident that the demon of the scrubbing brush, which has +possession of all model institutions, had full sway in Douglas barracks. +Pine boards could not well have been made whiter. No laundry man need +have feared to own to the doing up of the bed linen and counterpanes, +and science had not discovered any mode of making a bed look more like a +packing box, than those in that model hospital. + +What an impertinence a sick or wounded man was, in one of those nice, +square beds. He was almost certain to muss and toss it, and this must +have been a crowning calamity. + +After the showman had shown all he cared to have me see. I sat talking +with the man I had come to visit, and he said, in a whisper: + +"Are there lice in all the hospitals?" + +"Lice? Why, certainly not." "Well, there are plenty of them here, and +they tell us they cannot be helped--that they have them in all the +hospitals. Look here!" + +He turned down the nice counterpane, and there, in the blanket, the +disgusting creatures swarmed. I was shocked, and half rose, in the +impulse to make an outcry, but he warned me not to let any one know he +had told me, or it would be bad for him. I asked why he did not tell the +surgeon. + +"He knows all about them, and says they cannot be helped." + +"You have Sisters of Charity here; tell them." + +"Oh, they never do anything in the ward but walk around and talk nice, +and pray with men who are going to die. They must know about them." + +I walked around alone, and the show-man did not seem to like it, but I +talked with the men in the cots, put my hand under the cover, found feet +encrusted with the exudations of fever, until they were hard and dry as +a bit of kindling wood; hair full of dust from the battle-field, and not +one man who had been washed since being carried away from it; while +there were vermin in every bed. + +The ward-master objected to my leaving a jar of jelly with my friend. It +would spoil the good order of the ward, and all delicacies were to be +given into the care of the Sisters. I found one of them who was quite +willing to take charge of anything I wished to leave, but was powerless +in the matter of vermin. It was the ward master's business to attend to +that. It was the business of the Sisters to look after the clothing when +it came from the laundry, put it in order, and give it out when wanted. + +My failure to get a bed for the man in the fort by applying to those in +authority, made me feel that it would be useless to try that plan about +the vermin; and, in my perplexity, I turned to my old friend and +confidant, the public. To reach it, I wrote to the _New York Tribune_, +giving a very mild statement of the case. + +Two days after Surgeon Baxter came, with a copy of that letter, and told +me he had been ordered to discharge me on account of it. I spoke of the +men who must die if I left, and he was sorry but had no option. Then he +bethought him that maybe I might get the Surgeon-General to permit me to +remain, at least until the cases of my special patients were settled; +otherwise I must leave the hospital that day. He was sorry I had dated +the letter from Campbell, had it not been for this, he could use his +influence to sustain me; but professional etiquette forbade him to +harbor or countenance one who spoke unfavorably of a brother-surgeon. In +other words, by living in a hospital I became one of a ring, bound to +keep hospital secrets, and use only words of commendation in speaking or +writing of anything I saw. + +I took a street car and proceeded to the office of the +Surgeon-General--saw the man who held the lives of my patients in his +hands, ate the only piece of humble pie that over crossed my lips, by +apologizing for telling the truth, and got permission to go back to the +men who looked to me for life. + +I have felt that I made a great mistake--felt that if I had then and +there made war to the knife, and the knife to the hilt, against the +whole system of fraud and cruelty embodied in the hospital service, I +should have saved many more lives in the end. Even while I talked to the +head of that nest of corruption, and listened to his inane platitudes +about my duty as an inmate of a hospital to report abuses to him, and +"the regular way of proceeding," I did want to hurl the gauntlet of an +irregular defiance into his plausible face, but the pleading eyes in +Campbell held me; I could not let those men die, and die they must if I +must leave them. + +Nobody denied the truth of my statements about Douglas Hospital, and I +never learned that any one objected to the facts or their continuance. +It was only their exposure which gave offense. + +This letter made me an object of dread. Folks never knew what I might +see or say next; and there soon arose another trouble about my living in +Campbell; for Miss Dix objected, claimed that it was an infringement on +her authority. Then again, there were others who could not see why there +should be but one female nurse in Campbell. Dr. Baxter, by admitting me, +had abandoned his ground, acknowledged that men alone could not manage a +first-class hospital; and having discovered his mistake, was bound to +rectify it by admitting a corps of lady nurses. He was bombarded by Miss +Dix's official power, pestered by the persistant appeals of volunteers; +sneered and scoffed at and worried, until he fell back on his old +position, and promptly dismissed me so soon as my patients were out of +danger. He was always courteous to me as a visiter, and has my lasting +gratitude and respect for breaking his rules and bearing the persecution +he did, that I might do the work I did, and could not have done without +his effective and generous co-operation. + +The proportion of thigh stumps saved, was the test of a hospital's +success; and the summer I was in Campbell, we saved nineteen out of +twenty; next summer Chaplain Gaylord told me they lost nineteen in +twenty, and added: "Piemia has literally swept our wards." + + + +CHAPTER LXV. + + +LIFE AND DEATH. + +When released from the hospital, I had neither money nor clothes, and +this is all the account I can render to the generous people who sent me +hospital stores. I could not answer their letters. Some of them I never +read. I could only give up my life to distributing their bounty, and +knew that neither their money nor my own had remained in my hands when +it was necessary for me to borrow two dollars to get a dress. My cloth +traveling suit was no longer fit for use, and my platform suit too good. +These were all I had brought to Washington; but the best men never +refused me audience because I wore a shaker bonnet, a black lawn skirt +and gray linen sack. Some thought I dressed in that way to be odd, but +it was all I could afford. + +The Quarter-Master-General had canceled my appointment, because I had +not reported for duty, but Secretary Stanton reinstated me, and I went +to work on the largest salary I had ever received--fifty dollars a +month. After some time it was raised to sixty, and I was more than +independent; but my health was so broken that half a dozen doctors +commanded me to lie on my back for a month, and I spent every moment I +could in that position. + +I had grown hysterical, and twice while at work in the office, broke out +into passionate weeping, while thinking of something in my hospital +experience, something I had borne, when it occurred, without a tear, or +even without feeling a desire to weep. + +In September I had twenty days' leave of absence to go to St. Cloud, +settle my business and bring my household gods. There were still no +railroads in Minnesota, and I was six days going, must have six to +return, and one to visit friends at Pittsburg, yet in the time left, +sold _The Democrat_, closed my home, and met Gen. Lowrie for the first +and last time. + +He called and we spent an hour talking, principally of the war, which he +thought would result in two separate governments. His reason seemed to +be entirely restored; but his prestige, power, wealth and health were +gone. I tried to avoid all personal matters, as well as reference to our +quarrel, but he broke into the conversation to say: + +"I am the only person who ever understood you. People now think you go +into hospitals from a sense of duty; from benevolence, like those good +people who expect to get to heaven by doing disagreeable things on +earth; but I know you go because you must; go for your own pleasure; you +do not care for heaven or anything else, but yourself." He stopped, +looked down, traced the pattern of the carpet with the point of his +cane, then raised his head and continued: "You take care of the sick and +wounded, go into all those dreadful places just as I used to drink +brandy--for sake of the exhilaration it brings you." + +We shook hands on parting, and from our inmost hearts, I am sure, wished +each other well. I was more than ever impressed by the genuine greatness +of the man, who had been degraded by the use of irresponsible power. + +We reached Washington in good time, and I soon realized the great +advantage of rest. Six hours of office work came so near nothing to do, +that had I been in usual health I should probably have raised some +disturbance from sheer idleness; but I learned by and by that the close +attention demanded to avoid mistakes, could not well have been continued +longer. + +Several ladies continued distributing hospital stores for me all that +fall and winter, and next spring I still had some to send out. When able +I went myself, and in Carver found a man who had been wounded in a +cavalry charge, said to have been as desperate as that of "the Light +Brigade;" and who refused to take anything from me, because he had "seen +enough of these people who go around hospitals pretending to take care +of wounded soldiers." + +I convinced him it was his duty to take the jelly in order to prevent my +stealing it. Also, that it was for my interest to save his life, that I +might not have to pay my share of the cost of burying him and getting a +man in his place. Nay, that it was my duty to get him back into the +saddle as fast as possible, that my government need not pay him for +lying abed. He liked this view of the case, and not only took what I +offered him, but next time I went asked for Jefferson-tie shoes to +support his foot, and when I brought them said he would be ready for +duty in a week. + +In Judiciary Square, a surgeon asked me to give a jar of currant jelly +to a man in Ward Six, who was fatally wounded. + +I found the man, those in the neighboring cots and the nurse, all very +sad, talked to him a few moments, and said: + +"You think you are going to die!" + +"That is what they all say I must do!" + +"Well, I say you are not going to do anything of the kind!" + +"Oh! I guess I am!" + +"Not unless you have made up your mind to it, and are quite determined. +Those hip wounds kill a great many men, because folks do not know how to +manage them, and because the men are easy to kill; but it takes a good +deal to kill a young man with a good conscience, who has never drank +liquor or used tobacco; who has muscle like yours, a red beard and blue +gray eyes." + +I summoned both his day and night nurse, told all three together of the +surgical trap-door that old Mother Nature wanted made and kept open, +clear up to the center of that wound. The surgeon would always make one +if the patient wanted it. I told them about the warmth and nourishment +and care needed, and left him and them full of hope and resolution. + +Next time I was in Judiciary, a young man on crutches accosted me, +saying: + +"Were not you in Ward Six, about six weeks ago?" + +"Yes!" + +"Do you remember a man there, that every one said was going to die, and +you said he wouldn't?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, I'm the fellow." + +I looked at him inquiringly, and said: + +"Well, did you die?" + +He burst into uproarious laughter, and replied: + +"No, but I'm blamed if I wouldn't, if you hadn't come along." + +I passed on, left him leaning against the wall finishing his laugh, and +saw or heard of him no more. + +It was but a few days after he passed out of my knowledge that news came +of the death of Gen. Lowrie. It was the old story, "the great man down," +for he died in poverty and neglect, but with his better self in the +ascendent. His body lies in an unmarked grave, in that land where once +his word was law. + +Pondering on his death, I thought of that country boy going to his +father's house, with the life restored by one he knew not, even by name, +and the going home of that mature man, who thought he knew my inmost +soul, and with whose political death I was charged. Only the wisdom of +eternity can determine which, if either, I served or injured. To the +one, life may lack blessing, to the other, death be all gain. + + + +CHAPTER LXVI. + + +MEET MISS DIX AND GO TO FREDERICKSBURG. + +I sat down stairs, for the first time after a two weeks' illness, when +Georgie Willets, of Jersey City, came in, saying: + +"Here is a pass for you and one for me, to go to Fredericksburg! A boat +leaves in two hours, and we must hurry!" + +For several days the air had shuddered with accounts of the terrible +suffering of our men, wounded in the battle of the Wilderness; and a +pall of uncertainty and gloom hung over the city. + +I made a tuck in a queen's-cloth dress, donned it, selected a light +satchel, put into one side a bottle of whiskey and one of sherry, half a +pound of green tea, two rolls of bandage and as much old table-linen as +packed them close; put some clothing for myself in the other side, and a +cake of black castile soap, for cleansing wounds; took a pair of good +scissors, with one sharp point, and a small rubber syringe, as surgical +instruments; put these in my pocket, with strings attaching them to my +belt; got on my Shaker bonnet, and with a large blanket shawl and tin +cup, was on board with Georgie, an hour before the boat left. + +It had brought a load of wounded from Belle Plain; some were still on +board, and suffering intensely from thirst, and hard, dry dressings. It +was a hot day, and we both went to work giving drinks of water, wetting +wounds, and bathing hot heads and hands. As Georgie passed the foot of +the cabin stairs, Miss Dix was coming down, and called to her, saying: + +"What are you doing here?" + +She made no reply, but passed on to her work, when the irate lady turned +to where I was drawing water from a cooler, and asked, in a tone of high +displeasure: + +"Who is that young girl?" + +"Miss Georgie Willets, of Jersey City," I replied. + +"And where is she going?" + +"To Fredericksburg." + +"By whose authority?" she demanded. + +"By authority of the Surgeon-General," I replied. + +"The Surgeon-General has no authority to send a young girl down there +alone." + +"She is not going alone." + +"Who is going with her?" she asked, tartly. + +"I am." + +"Who are you?" + +I told her, and she ceased to be insulting long enough to expostulate on +the great impropriety of the proceeding, as well as to explain the total +lack of any need of help in Fredericksburg. She had just returned from +that city, where she had arranged everything in the most satisfactory +manner. Hospitals had been established, with surgeons and nurses. There +was therefore not the slightest occasion for our going further; but she +was about to organize relief for the men while waiting at the Washington +wharf to be taken to hospitals. Here I might be useful, and here she +would be glad to have me work; but as for that handsome young girl, she +wondered at me for bringing her into such a place. + +Georgie was not merely handsome. She was grand, queenly; and I told Miss +Dix that I differed with her about the kind of women who should go into +such places. We wanted young, vigorous women--women whose self-respect +and social position would command the respect of those to whom they +ministered. She grew angry again, and said: + +"She shall not go to Fredericksburg; I will have her arrested!" + +I was kneeling beside a man whose wounds I was bathing; for I had not +suspended my work to talk with her, who stood, straight as a telegraph +pole, holding a bottle which she ever and anon applied to her nose; but +when she reached this climax, I raised my head, looked into her face, +and said: + +"I shall not be sorry Miss Dix, if you do; for then I shall apply to my +friends, Mrs. Abraham Lincoln and Secretary Stanton, and have your +authority tested." + +I went on with my work; she growled something and left the boat, but did +not disturb us further. + +Going down the river I grew worse, and thought I might be obliged to +return with the boat, and stay at home; but consulted a surgeon on his +way to the front, who talked with another, and said: + +"There is no immediate danger in your case. It is only secondary +hemorrhage; and with care you may go on, but must not attempt to do +anything. You can, however, be of incalculable service, simply by being +in Fredericksburg; can sit down and see that people do their duty. What +our wounded need most, is people who have an interest in their +welfare--friends. You can do a great deal toward supplying this want, +this great need; but be careful and do not try to work." + +After some time this surgeon brought, and introduced Col. Chamberlain, +of Maine, evidently an invalid, and a man of the purely intellectual +type. Two other surgeons were with him, and all three endeavored to +persuade him to return to Washington, as his lack of health made it very +dangerous, if not quite useless, for him to go to the front. I thought +the surgeons right; and told him I feared he was throwing away his life, +in an effort to do the impossible. + +He explained that he was in command of a brigade of eight regiments; +that in them were hundreds of his neighbors and pupils, for he had +resigned a professorship in a college to enlist. Said he knew his own +constitution better than any one else could know it; knew he would be +stronger when he reached his post, and that the danger would be in any +attempt to keep out of danger--the danger which his men must face. +Turning to me he said: + +"If you had eight children down there, you would go to them, if you +could!" + +We arranged that if he should be wounded so as to suffer a thigh +amputation, he should let me know, that I might nurse him through. + +At Belle Plaine, Georgie went to look for transportation, and I to the +Sanitary Commission boat, where I was introduced to Mrs. Gen. Barlow and +Miss Hancock, both busy furnishing hot coffee to those being embarked +for Washington. Mrs. Barlow was a tall, superbly formed woman, very +handsome, and full of health and spirits. She looked down on me +compassionately, and said: + +"Oh, you poor little thing! What ever brought you here? We have sick +folks enough now! Do sit down until I get you a cup of tea!" + +While I drank the tea, she stood looking at me, and said meditatively: + +"Oh, you queer little thing," and hurried off to her work. + +Soon a Colonel with a badly wounded head came on board, leaned against, +a post and groaned. I found a basin of water and a towel, and began +bathing his head, wetting those torturing dressings and making him +comparatively comfortable, when she stopped in her hurried walk, looked +on an instant, and exclaimed: + +"Oh, you nice little thing! Now I see what you are good for! I could not +do that; but you will take care of their wounds and I will feed them! +That will be grand!" + +Soon Georgie came to say there was no transportation to be had, but she +had found a Campbell surgeon in charge of a hospital tent, and he wanted +me; said he was worn out, and had plenty of work for both of us. The +doctor had a large tent, filled with wounded lying on loose hay. His +patients seemed to want for nothing, but he must needs give so much time +to receiving and forwarding those pouring in from the front, that he +needed us. He had a little tent put up for us, and that was the only +night I have ever slept in a tent. + +Next morning while we were attending to a Colonel, and Lieutenant +Colonel, both of the same regiment, and both badly wounded and just +brought in, one said to the other: "My God, if our men in Fredericksburg +could have a little of this care!" "Why?" said I, "I have heard that +everything possible was being done for them?" + +"Everything possible!" exclaimed one, and both together began the most +terrible recital of the neglect and abuse of the wounded in that +horrible place--men dying of thirst, and women spitting in their faces, +kicking and spurning them. We set down our basins; Georgie started in +one direction and I in another, to find transportation. + +The surgeon in command of the station stood superintending the loading +of oats while he looked at my pass, and said he could not possibly send +us, adding: "Fredericksburg is no place for a lady. It is impossible to +describe the condition of things there." + +"But, Doctor, I am not a lady! I am a hospital nurse. The place where +men are suffering must be the place for me. I do not look strong, but +you cannot think how much I can do. + +"But, Madam, you forget that our army is cut off from its base of +supplies, and must be furnished with subsistence, and that we have not +half the transportations we need." + +"Doctor, you are sending bags of oats in ambulances! I do not weigh much +more than one, and will be worth six when you get me there." + +He promised to send me that afternoon, but I doubted him; went to the +Christian Commission tent, found a man who knew me by reputation, and +told him they had better send me to Fredericksburg, or put me under +arrest, for I was in a mood to be dangerous. He feigned fright, caught +up his hat, and said: + +"We'll get you out of this in the shortest possible space of time." + +An hour after I was on the way, and Georgie a few moments in advance. I +had seen bad roads in northern and western Pennsylvania, but this was my +first ride over no road. We met a steady stream of such wounded as were +able to walk, but comparatively few were brought in ambulances. + +It was raining when we reached Fredericksburg, at four o'clock on +Sabbath, and I went to the surgeon in command, reported, and asked him +to send me to the worst place--the place where there was most need. + +"Then I had better send you to the Old Theater, for I can get no one to +stay there." + +He gave me my appointment, and I went to a Corps Surgeon, who signed it, +and advised me not to go to the theater--I could do nothing, as the +place was in such dreadful condition, while I could be useful in many +other places. + + + +CHAPTER LXVII. + + +THE OLD THEATER. + +This building was on Princess Ann street. The basement floor was level +with the sidewalk, but the ground sloped upward at the back; so that the +yard was higher than the floor. Across the front was a vestibule, with +two flights of stairs leading up to the auditorium; behind the vestibule +a large, low room, with two rows of pillars supporting the upper floor; +and behind this three small rooms, and a square hall with a side +entrance. The fence was down between the theater and Catholic church, +next door. I stopped in the church to see Georgie, who was already at +work there, came and left by the back door, and entered the theater by +the side hall. + +The mud was running in from the yard. Opposite the door, in a small +room, was a pile of knapsacks and blankets; and on them lay two men +smoking. To get into the large room, I must step out of the hall mud +over one man, and be careful not to step on another. I think it was six +rows of men that lay close on the floor, with just room to pass between +the feet of each row; they so close in the rows that in most places I +must slide one foot before the other to get to their heads. + +The floor was very muddy and strewn with _debris_, principally of +crackers. There was one hundred and eighty-two men in the building, all +desperately wounded. They had been there a week. There were two leather +water-buckets, two tin basins, and about every third man had saved his +tin-cup or canteen; but no other vessel of any sort, size or description +on the premises--no sink or cess-pool or drain. The nurses were not to +be found; the men were growing reckless and despairing, but seemed to +catch hope as I began to thread my way among them and talk. No other +memory of life is more sacred than that of the candor with which they +took me into their confidence, as if I had been of their own sex, yet +ever sought to avoid wounding the delicacy they ascribed to mine. + +I found some of the nurses--cowards who had run away from battle, and +now ran from duty--galvanized them into activity, invented substitutes +for things that were wanting--making good use of an old knapsack and +pocket-knife--and had tears of gratitude for pay. + +One man lay near the front door, in a scant flannel shirt and cotton +drawers, his left thigh cut off in the middle and the stump supported on +the only pillow in the house. It was six by ten inches, stuffed with +straw. His head was supported by two bits of board and a pair of very +muddy boots. He called me, clutched my dress, and plead: + +"Mother, can't you get me a blanket, I'm so cold; I could live if I +could get any care!" + +I went to the room where the men lay smoking on the blankets; but one of +them wearing a surgeon's shoulderstraps, and speaking in a German +accent, claimed them as his private property, and positively refused to +yield one. The other man was his orderly, and words were useless--they +kept their blankets. + +Going into a room behind that, I found a man slightly wounded sitting on +the floor, supporting another who had been shot across the face, and was +totally blind. He called, and when I came and talked with them, said: + +"Won't you stay with us?" + +"Stay with you?" I replied, "Well, I rather think I will, indeed; I came +to stay, and am one of the folks it is hard to drive away!" + +"Oh! thank God; everybody leaves us; they come and promise, and then go +off, but I know you will stay; you will do something for us!" + +It was so pitiful, that for an instant my courage failed, and I said: + +"I will certainly stay with you; but fear it is little I can do for +you." + +"Oh, you can speak to us; you do not know how good your voice sounds. I +have not seen a woman in three months; what is your name?" + +"My name is mother." + +"Mother; oh my God! I have not seen my mother for two years. Let me feel +your hand?" + +I took between both of mine his hand, covered with mud and blood and +smoke of battle, and told him I was not only going to stay with them, +but was going to send him back to his regiment, with a lot more who were +lying around here doing nothing, when there was so much fighting to be +done; I had come on purpose to make them well, and they might make up +their minds to it. My own courage had revived, and I must revive theirs; +I could surely keep them alive until help should come. By softening the +torturing bandages on his face, I made him more comfortable; and in an +adjoining room found another man with a thigh stump, who had been served +by field-surgeons, as the thieves served the man going from Jerusalem to +Jericho: i.e., "stripped him, left him naked and half dead." Those men +surely did not go into battle without clothes; and why they should have +been sent out of the surgeon's hands without enough of even +underclothing to cover them, is the question I have never yet had +answered. Common decency led to his being placed in the back room alone, +but I shall never blush for going to him and doing the little I could +for his comfort. + +After I returned to the large room, I took notice about clothing, and +found that most of the men had on their ordinary uniform; some had two +blankets, more had one; but full one-third were without any. There was +no shadow or pretense of a bed or pillow, not even a handful of straw or +hay! There was no broom, no hoe, or shovel, or spade to sweep or scrape +the floor; and the horrors were falling upon me when the man of the +blankets came, and said: + +"Mattam, iv you are goin' to do any ding for tese men, you petter git +dem someding to eat." + +"Something to eat?" + +"Yaas! mine Cot, someding to eat! De government petter leave dem to tie +on de pattle field, nur do pring tem here to starve." + +I looked at him in much surprise, and said: + +"Who are you?" + +"Vy, I am de surgeon. Tey send me here; put mine Cot, I cannot do +notting. Tere ish notting to do mit!" + +I called out: "Men, what have you had to eat?" + +"Hard tack, and something they call coffee," was the response. + +"Have you had no meat?" + +"Meat? We have forgotten what it tastes like!" + +In one corner, near the front door, was a little counter and desk, with +a stationary bench in front. To this desk the surgeon gave me a key. I +found writing material, and sent a note of four lines to the Corps +Surgeon. Half an hour after, an irate little man stormed in and stamped +around among those prostrate men, flourishing a scrap of paper and +calling for the writer. His air was that of the champion who wanted to +see "the man who struck Billy Patterson," and his fierceness quite +alarmed me, lest he should step on some of the men. So I hurried to him, +and was no little surprised to find that the offending missive was my +note. I told him I had written it, and could have had no thought of +"reporting" him, since I knew nothing about him. + +After considerable talk I learned that he had charge of the meat, and +that none had been issued to that place, because no "requisition" had +been sent. I had never written a requisition, but found blanks in that +desk, filled one, signed it and gave it to the meat man, who engaged +that the beef should be there next morning. + +It grew dark, and we had two tallow candles lighted! May none of my +readers ever see such darkness made visible--such rows of haggard faces +looking at them from out such cavernous gloom! I talked hopefully, +worked and walked, while mentally exclaiming: + +"Oh, God! What shall I do?" + +About nine o'clock Dr. Porter, Division Surgeon, came with Georgie, to +take us to our quarters. These were but half a block away, on the same +side of the street, but on the opposite side, and corner of the next +cross-street, in a nice two-story brick house, with a small yard in +front. An old lady answered his summons, but refused to admit us: when +he insisted and I interposed, saying the lady was afraid of soldiers, +but would admit us. We would bid him good night, and soon our lodgings +would be all right. + +She was relieved, took us in, cooked our rations for herself and us, +gave us a comfortable bed, and was uniformly kind all the time we +staid, and seemed sorry to have us leave. + +I spoke the first night to Dr. Porter about blankets and straw, or hay +for beds, but was assured that none were to be had. Supplies could not +reach them since being cut off from their base, and the Provost Marshal, +Gen. Patrick, would not permit anything to be taken out of the houses, +though many of them were unoccupied, and well supplied with bedding and +other necessaries. I thought we ought to get two blankets for those two +naked men, if the Government should pay their weight in gold for them; +and suggested that the surgeons take what was necessary for the comfort +of the men, and give vouchers to the owners. I knew such claims would be +honored; would see that they should be; but he said the matter had been +settled by the Provost, and nothing more could be done. + +It seems to me now that I must have been benumbed, or I could have done +something to provide covering for those men. I did think of giving one +of them my shawl, but I must have died without it. I remembered my +Douglas Hospital letter, and knew that Gen. Patrick could order me out +of Fredericksburg, and leave these men to rot in the old theater. +Already their wounds were infested by worms, which gnawed and tormented +them; some of those wounds were turning black, many were green; the +vitality of the men was sinking for want of food and warmth. I could not +forsake them to look after reform; would not fail to do what I could, in +an effort to do what I could not or might not accomplish. + +In the morning I saw that the men had something they called coffee, and +found canned milk for it, which was nourishment; but a new difficulty +arose. The men who brought the coffee would distribute it to those who +had cups or canteens, and the others would get none. I had some trouble +to induce them to leave their cans, until, with the two tin cups I could +borrow, I could give about one-third the whole number the coffee they +could not otherwise have. + +Our cooking was done in the churchyard, with that of the church +patients. A shed had been put up; but our cooking was an "uncovenanted +mercy," and when our beef came there was a question as to how it could +be cooked--how that additional work could be done. + +I wrote to the Provost-Marshal, stating our trouble, and the extremity +of one hundred and eighty-two men. Asked that we might take a cook-stove +out of a vacant house near; promised to take good care of it and have it +returned; and he wrote, for answer: + +"I am not a thief! If you want a stove send to the Sanitary Commission!" + +He must have known that the Commission was as pressed as the Government +to conform its arrangements to the movements of an army cut off from its +base of supplies, and that it had no stoves, so the plain English of his +answer was: + +"Let your wounded die of hunger, in welcome! I am here to guard the +property of the citizens of Fredericksburg!" + +I had already written to the Commission for blankets and a broom, but +there were none to be had. It soon however sent a man, who cut branches +off trees, and with them swept the floors. + + + +CHAPTER LXVIII. + + +AM PLACED IN AUTHORITY. + +On Monday morning I sent for Dr. Porter, and stated the trouble about +nurses shirking. He had them all summoned in the front end of the large +room, and in presence of the patients, said to them: + +"You see this lady? Well, you are to report to her for duty; and if she +has any fault to find with you she will report you to the +Provost-Marshal!" + +I have never seen a set of men look more thoroughly subdued. There were +eleven of them, and they all gave me the military salute. The doctor +went off, and I set them to work. One middle-aged Irishman had had some +experience as a nurse; could dress wounds--slowly, but very well--was +faithful and kind; and him I made head-nurse up stairs, where there were +fifty-four patients, and gave him three assistants, for whom he was to +be responsible. After Patrick's note, I calculated my resources, and got +ready for a close siege. As I sat on that little stationary bench, +making an inventory, I heard shrieks, groans and curses, at the far end +of the room; ran to the place, and got there in time to see the surgeon +of the blankets tearing the dry dressings off a thigh stump! Coming up +behind him, I caught him by both ears, and had my hands full, ordered +him to stop, and said: + +"You had better go back to your room and smoke." + +Again I sent for Surgeon Porter, and in less than two hours that little +wretch, with his orderly, packed up his blankets and I saw him or them +no more. I had never dressed a thigh stump, but must dress a good many +now; I rolled that one in a wet cloth, and covered it carefully, to let +the man get time to rest, while I got rid of his horrid tormentor. When +there was so much to be done, I would do the most needful thing first, +and this was ridding the wounds of worms and gangrene, supporting the +strength of the men by proper food, and keeping the air as pure as +possible. I got our beef into the way of being boiled, and would have +some good substantial broth made around it. I went on a foraging +expedition--found a coal-scuttle which would do for a slop-pail, and +confiscated it, got two bits of board, by which it could be converted +into a stool, and so bring the great rest of a change of position to +such men as could sit up; had a little drain made with a bit of board +for a shovel, and so kept the mud from running in at the side door; +melted the tops off some tin cans, and made them into drinking cups; had +two of my men confiscate a large tub from a brewery, set it in the +vestibule to wash rags for outside covers to wounds, to keep off chill, +and had others bring bricks and rubbish mortar from a ruin across the +street, to make substitutes for pillows. + +I dressed wounds! dressed wounds, and made thorough work of it. In the +church was a dispensary where I could get any washes or medicines I +wished, and I do not think I left a worm. Some of them were over half an +inch long, with black heads and many feet, but most were maggots. They +were often deeply seated, but my syringe would drive them out, and twice +a day I followed them up. The black and green places grew smaller and +better colored with every dressing. The men grew stronger with plenty of +beef and broth and canned milk. I put citric acid and sugar in their +apple sauce as a substitute for lemons. I forget how many thigh stumps I +had, but I think as many as twelve. One of them was very short and in a +very bad condition. One morning when I was kneeling and dressing it, the +man burst into tears, and said: + +"You do not seem to mind this, but I know you would not do it for +anything but the love of God, and none but He can ever reward you; but if +I live to see my wife and children, it will be through what you have +done for me, and I will teach them to bless your name!" + +He quite took me by surprise, for I seemed to have forgotten any other +life than that I was then living; and dressing the most frightful wounds +was as natural as eating. I felt no disgust, no shrinking, and mere +conventional delicacy is withdrawn when the Angel of Death breathes upon +it. + +The man we stepped over at the back door, proved to be a student from +the Pennsylvania Agricultural College, shot through the alimentary +canal, near the base of the spine. For him there was no hope, but I did +what I could to make him less uncomfortable, and once he said: + +"This is strange work for a lady." + +"You forget," I said, "that I am surgeon in charge, that you and I were +made of the same kind of clay, in much the same fashion, and will soon +turn into just the same kind of dust." How my heart was wrung for him, +with his refined face, dying for a country which sent its bayonets to +stand between him and the armful of straw, with which I might have +raised him above that muddy floor. He had no knapsack to serve as a +pillow, no blanket, no cup, and his position across the doorway was cold +and uncomfortable; but even after I had made a better place for him, he +objected to leaving two companions, who lay next to him, and I could not +find room for all three together, even on that dirty floor. He himself +always dressed the wound where the bullet entered, and was most grateful +for the means of doing so. I cared for that one through which Death's +messenger made its exit, and although he knew its condition, he did not +know the certainty of a fatal result, and resented any intimation that +he should not recover. + + + +CHAPTER LXIX. + + +VISITERS. + +The second morning of my work in the old theater, Miss Hancock came to +see how I got along. She was thoroughly practical, and a most efficient +laborer in the hospital field, and soon thought of something to better +the condition of the man minus clothes, who lay quite near my desk and +the front door, and caught my dress whenever he could, to plead for a +blanket. She could get no blanket; but was stationed in the Methodist +Church, where there was a surgeon in charge, and everything running in +regular order. In a tent adjoining, this man could be laid out of the +draught and chill of that basement, and she would do her best to get +some clothing for him. She sent two men with a stretcher, who took him +to the church tent, where I fear he was not much better provided for +than in the place he left. + +After some days, Mrs. Gen. Barlow came to see the men who all belonged +to her husband's division, and were rejoiced to see her; and to express +a general fear for my life. I was to die of overwork and want of sleep, +"and then," she exclaimed, "what will become of these men? No one but +you ever could or would have done anything for them. Do you know there +were three surgeons detailed for duty here, before you came, and none of +them would stay? Now if you die, they will. Do take some rest!" + +I listened and looked at her flushed face, while she talked, and said: + +"Mrs. Barlow, I am not going to die--am in no danger whatever, and will +hold out until help comes. This cannot last; Government will come to the +rescue, and my men will be here when it comes. After all is over, I will +fall to pieces like an old stage coach when the king-bolt drops out; +will lie around as lumber for a while, then some one will put me +together again, and I will be good as new. It is you who are killing +yourself. You must change your arrangements or you will take typhoid +fever, and after such a strain, recovery will be hopeless. I take +nobody's disease--am too repellant; but you will catch contagion very +readily. Keep away from fever cases and rest; you are in imminent +peril." She hurried away, laughing at the idea of one in her perfect +health being injured by hard work; but my heart was full of evil omen. I +had talked with Mrs. Senator Pomeroy, on her way from her last visit to +the Contraband camp, where she gave her life in labor for the friendless +and poor, and she had looked very much as Mrs. Barlow did that day. + +Soon after this, I was made glad by the sight of my friend, Mrs. Judge +Ingersol. People say her daughter, Mrs. Gov. Chamberlain, is a beauty, +but she is not old enough ever to have been as beautiful as her mother, +that day, in her plain widow's dress, walking among the wounded, with +her calm face so full of strength and gentleness. + +She and Mrs. Barlow had hatched a rebellion. In the city was a barn +containing straw, for want of which our men were dying. It was guarded +by one of Gen. Barlow's men. Mrs. Barlow took two others, went with +them, placed herself in front of the guard, told them to break open the +barn and carry out the straw, and him to fire, if he thought it is duty; +but he must reach them through her. The man's orders were to guard the +barn; with the straw out of it he had nothing to do. The men moved side +and side, going in and out, and she kept in range to cover them until +the last armful had been removed. It was taken away and was to be +distributed; but there was still so little compared to the need, that +there must be consultation about the manner of using it. Mrs. Ingersol +thought it should be made into small pillows, and volunteered to +undertake that work; as the Commission could furnish muslin, I thought +this best. She found a loft, and engaged several Fredericksburg women +to work for pay. They worked one day, but did not return on the second. +There were a good many Union women there by this time, who should have +helped, but few could confine themselves to obscure work in a loft, when +there was so much excitement on the streets. There was no authority to +hold any one to steady employment; and so about two-thirds the helpers +who reached Fredericksburg, spent a large part of their time in an +aimless wandering and wondering, and finding so much to be done, could +do nothing. + +So, most of the time Mrs. Ingersol was in her loft alone, except the +orderlies who stuffed her slips, sewed up the ends and carried them off +to the places she designated; but she had nimble fingers, and +sleight-of-hand, and turned out a surprising number of small straw +pillows. + +As my allowance came, the question was what to do with them. They were +too precious for use. What should I do with those scraps of white on +that field of grime? Our gaunt horror became grotesque, in view of such +unwonted luxuries. What! A whole dozen or two little straw pillows among +one hundred and sixty men! Who should elect the aristocrats to be +cradled in such luxury amid that world of want? + +When my aristocrat was elected, how should his luxury be applied? Would +I put it under his head or mangled limb? I think I never realized our +destitution until those little pillows came to remind me that sometimes +wounded men had beds! Oh, God! would relief never come? Like the Scotch +girl in the besieged fortress of India, I felt like laying my ear to the +ground, to harken for the sound of the bagpipes, the tramp of the +Campbells coming. It did seem that, without surgical aid or comforts of +any kind, my men must soon be all past hope; but a surgeon came, and I +hailed him with joy, thinking him the advance guard of the army of +relief. Half an hour after his appearance I missed him, and saw him no +more; and this was the fourth which left those men, after being +regularly detailed to duty among them--left them to die or live, as they +could. + +Soon after this we had an official visit from one of those laundry +critics, called "Medical Inspectors." As there were no sheets or +counterpanes to look after, he turned his attention to a heap of dry +rubbish in the vestibule, which gave the place an untidy appearance, as +seen from the street. To remove this eyesore he had one of my nurses +hunt up a wheel-barrow, and two shovels--shovels were accessible by this +time--and ordered him and another to wheel that rubbish out into the +street. The wheel-barrow coming in the door called my attention, when I +learned that we were going to be made respectable. I sent the +wheel-barrow home, gave the shovels to two men to dig a sink hole back +in the yard, and forbade any disturbance of the dry, harmless rubbish in +the vestibule. I would not have my men choked with dust by its removal, +and set about getting up false appearances. No medical inspector should +white that sepulchre until he cleared the dead men's bones out of it. He +had not looked at a wound; did not know if the men had had any dinner. A +man did not need a medical diploma to clear up after stage carpenters. +If the Government wanted that kind of work done, it had better send a +man and cart with its donkey. + + + +CHAPTER LXX. + + +WOUNDED OFFICERS. + +In Washington, I had done nothing for any wounded officer, except a +captain who was brought to our ward when all the others were taken away, +and in Fredericksburg I began on that principle. I found twenty in the +Old Theater, and had them removed to private houses, to make room for +the men, and that they might be better cared for. Officers could be +quartered in private houses, and have beds, most of those taken out of +the theater were put into houses between it and our quarters, so that I +could see them on my way to and from meals. Among them was the blind +man, who still craved to hear me speak and feel my hand, and I kept his +face in a wet compress until a surgeon was dressing it and found the +inflammation so gone that he drew the lid of one back, and the man cried +out in delight: "I can see! I can see! now let me see mother." I stood +in his range of vision, until the surgeon closed the lids, when he said: +"Now, mother, I shall always remember just how you look." + +I found in my visit to those men that some orderlies needed some one to +keep them in order, and that a helpless man is not always sure his +servant will serve him. Often the orderlies themselves were powerless, +and those men would have suffered if I had not cared for them. More than +once some of them said: "I wish, mother, we were back with you in the +Old Theater?" + +There was a captain whose stump I must fix every night before he could +sleep, and when his wife came I tried to teach her, but she was so much +afraid of hurting him she could do nothing. I learned in time that +officers quartered in private houses, even with the greater comforts +they had, often suffered more than the men in all their privations. Mrs. +Barlow came for me to see one given up to die, and I found him in a +large handsome room, on the first floor of an elegant residence, +absolutely hopeless, but for years have not been able to recall the +trouble in his case. + +It must have been easy to set right, for he began at once to recover, +and I felt that people had been very stupid, and that there was an +unreasonable amount of wonder and gratitude over whatever it was I did. +It was often so easy to save a life, where there were the means of +living, that a little courage or common sense seemed like a miraculous +gift to people whose mental powers had been turned in other directions. + +But I found another side to looking after officers in private quarters. +One evening after dark, Georgia called to tell me of a dreadful case of +suffering which a surgeon wished her to see. He was there to accompany +her, but she declined going without me, and I went along, walking close +behind them, as the pavement was narrow. He did not seem to notice that +I was there, was troubled with the weight of his diploma and +shoulderstraps, and talked very patronizingly to the lady at his side, +until she turned, and said to me: + +"Do you hear that?" + +"Oh, yes," I replied, "and feel very grateful to the young man for his +permission to do the work he is paid for doing, but if he had reserved +his patronage until some one had asked for it, it would have had more +weight." + +"Your friend is sarcastic," was his reply to her; and I said no more +until we reached the case of great distress, which was on the second +floor of a vacant house, and proved to be a colonel in uniform, seated +in an easy chair, smoking, while his orderly sat in another chair, oil +the other side of the room. + +Georgie stood looking from one man to the other in speechless surprise; +but I spoke to the man in the chair, saying: + +"How is it, sir, that you, an officer, in need of nothing, have +trespassed upon our time and strength, when you know that men are dying +by hundreds for want of care?" + +He began to apologize and explain, but I said to Georgie: + +"Come, Miss Willets, we are not needed here." + +As we passed from the room, the surgeon took his cap to accompany us, +when I stopped, made a gesture, and said: + +"Young man! stay where you are! Your friend must be too ill to do +without you. I will see the young lady to her quarters. The vidette is +on the corner, and we do not need you!" + +We came away filled with wonder, but we did not for some time realize +the danger. We came to know that Miss Dix's caution was not altogether +unwise; that women had been led into traps of this kind, when it would +have been well for them had they died there, and when duty to themselves +and the public required them to get one or more doctors ready for +dissection. After that lesson, however, I did not fear to leave Georgie, +who remained with the army, doing grand work, until Richmond fell, but +laying the foundation of that consumption, of which she died. + +Of all the lives which the Rebellion cost us, none was more pure, more +noble, than that of this beautiful, refined, strong, gentle girl. + + + +CHAPTER LXXI. + + +"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP." + +The Sanitary Commission soon got a supply of clothing, and sent two men +to wash and dress my patients. These, with the one sweeping floors with +branches, were an incalculable help and comfort; but these two did their +work and passed on to other places. One of the men they had dressed grew +weak, and I was at a loss to account for his symptoms, until by close +questioning, I drew from him the answer, + +"It is my other wound!" + +These words sounded like a death-knell, but I insisted on seeing the +other wound, and found four bullet holes under his new clothes. From the +one wound, for which I had been caring, he might easily recover; but +with four more so distributed that he must lie on one, and no surgeon to +make trap doors, no bed--there was no hope. He was so bright, so good, +so intelligent, so courageous, it was hard to give him up. Ah, if I had +him in Campbell, with Dr. Kelly to use the knife! How my heart clung to +him! + +He lay near the center of the room, with his head close to a column; and +one night as I knelt giving him drink, and arranging his knapsack and +brick pillow, making the most of his two blankets, and thinking of his +mother at home, I was suddenly impressed by the beauty and grandeur of +his face;--his broad, white brow shaded by bushy, chestnut hair, half +curling; the delicate oval of his cheeks; the large, expressive grey +eyes; the straight nose and firm chin and lips!--he could not have been +more than twenty-two, almost six feet high, with a frame full of vigor. +How many such men were there in this land? How many could we afford to +sacrifice in order to preserve a country for the use of cowards and +traitors, and other inferior types of the race? + +The feeble light of my candle threw this picture into strong relief +against the surrounding gloom, and it was harder than ever to give him +up, but this must be done; and I wanted to extract from that bitter cup +one drop of sweetness for his mother; so I said to him: + +"Now, George, do you think you can sleep?" He said he could, and I +added: + +"Will you pray before you sleep?" He said he would. + +"Do you always pray before going to sleep?" He nodded, and I continued: + +"Let us pray together, to-night, just the little prayer your mother +taught you first." + +He clasped his hands, and together we repeated "Now I lay me down to +sleep," to the end; when I said: + +"Do you mean that, George? Do you mean to ask God to keep your soul, for +Christ's sake, while you are here; and, for His sake, to take it to +Himself when you go hence, whenever that may be?" + +The tears were running over his cheeks, and he said, solemnly: + +"I do." + +"Then it is all well with you, and you can rest in Him who giveth his +beloved sleep." + +There was no time for long prayers, and I must go to another sufferer. + +A kind, strong man, from the Michigan Aid Society, came and worked two +days among my men, and said: + +"If I only had them in a tent, on the ground; but this floor is +dreadful!" + +Up stairs were some wounds I must dress, while a corpse lay close beside +one of the men, so that I must kneel touching it, while I worked. It lay +twelve hours before I could get it taken to its shallow, coffinless +grave; and while I knelt there, the man whose wound I was dressing, +said: + +"Never mind; we'll make you up a good purse for this!" + +He had no sooner spoken than a murmur of contemptuous disapproval came +from the other men, and one said: + +"A purse for her! She's got more money than all of us, I bet!" + +Another called out: "No, we won't! Won't do anything of the kind! +We're your boys; ain't we, mother? You're not working for money!" + +"Why," persisted the generous man, "we made up a purse of eighty dollars +for a woman t' other time I was hurt, and she hadn't done half as much +for us!" + +"Eighty dollars!" called out the man who thought me rich; "eighty +dollars for her! why I tell you she could give every one of us eighty +dollars, and would not miss it!" + +Another said: + +"She isn't one of the sort that are 'round after purses!" + +Why any of them should have thought me rich I cannot imagine except for +the respect with which officers treated me. To veil the iron hand I held +over my nurses, I made a jest of my authority, pinned a bit of bandage +on my shoulder, and played commander-in-chief. Officers and guards would +salute when we passed, as an innocent joke, but the men came to regard +me as a person of rank. + +Citizens of Fredericksburg, who at first insulted me on the street, as +they did other Yankee nurses, heard that I was a person of great +influence, and began to solicit my good offices on behalf of friends +arrested by order of Secretary Stanton, and held as hostages, for our +sixty wounded who were made prisoners while trying to pass through the +city, before we took possession. + +So I was decked in plumes of fictitious greatness, and might have played +princess in disguise if I had had time; but I had only two deaths in the +old theater--this man up stairs, and the man without clothes, who lay +alone in that back room, and after the amputation of his thigh, had no +covering until government gave him one of Virginia clay. + + + +CHAPTER LXXII. + + +MORE VICTIMS AND A CHANGE OF BASE. + +One day at noon, the air thrilled with martial music and the earth shook +under the tramp of men as seven thousand splendid troops marched up +Princess Ann street on their way to reinforce our army, whose rear was +about eight miles from us. They were in superb order, and the forts +around Washington had been stripped of their garrisons, and most of +their guns, to furnish them; but the generalship which cut our army off +from its base of supplies, and blundered into the battle of the +Wilderness, like a blind horse into a briar patch, without shelling or +burning the dry chapperal in which our dead and wounded were consumed +together, after the battle, had made no arrangements for the safe +arrival of its reinforcements. So they were ambushed soon after passing +through Fredericksburg; and that night, before ten o'clock, all the +places I had succeeded in making vacant were filled with the wounded +from this reinforcement. How many of them were brought to Fredericksburg +I do not know; but it must have been a good many, when some were sent to +my den of horrors. + +One evening, after dark, I went to the dispensary, and found a surgeon +just in from the front for supplies. While they were being put up, he +told us of the horrible carnage at Spottsylvania that day, when the +troops had been hurled, again and again, against impregnable +fortifications, under a rain of rifle balls, which cut down a solid +white oak tree, eighteen inches in diameter. + +The battle had ceased for the night, and it was not known whether it +would be renewed in the morning. + +"But if it is," said the speaker, "it will be the bloodiest day of the +war, and we must be whipped, routed. The Rebels are behind breastworks +which cannot be carried. Any man but Grant would have known that this +morning, but he is to fight it out on this line, and it is generally +thought he will try it again in the morning. If he does, it will be a +worse rout than Bull Run." + +No one was present but the surgeon in charge of the church, the +dispensary clerk, and myself; so he was no alarmist, for when he had +done speaking, he took his package, mounted his horse and left. People +had said, through the day, that the roar of guns was heard in the higher +portions of the city, but no news of the battle seemed to have reached +it during all the next day. + +I spent it in preparing for the worst, warned Georgie and tightened the +reins on my nurses. I had had no reason to complain of any, and felt +that I should hold them to duty, even through a rout. It also seemed +well to know where our wounded were located, in that part of the city, +so that if an attempt were made to remove them, in a hurry, there might +not be any overlooked. + +At half-past eleven that night I had heard nothing from the front, and +went to sleep, with heavy forebodings. At two o'clock I was aroused by +the sounds of a moving multitude, rose and looked out to see, under the +starlight, a black stream pouring down the side street, on the corner of +which our quarters were situated, and turning down Princess Ann, toward +the river landing. To me, it was the nation going to her doom, passing +through the little period of starlight, on into the darkness and the +unknown. + +In Louisville, I had learned to believe that the Eternal verities +demanded the destruction of our Government. True, the South had beaten +the North in her bloody struggle for the privilege of holding her slaves +while she flogged them; but I could see, in this, no reason why that +North should be chosen as Freedom's standard-bearer! Our ignoble +Emancipation Proclamation had furnished no rock of moral principle on +which to plant her feet while she struggled in that bloody surf. God was +blotting out our name from among the nations, that he might plant here a +government worthy of such a country. + +I calculated there was a rear guard that would hold the enemy back until +morning, and did not wake Georgie, who needed sleep; but I must be with +my men, who would be alarmed by the unusual sounds; must see that those +nurses did not run away. + +To get to my post, I must cross that stream, and as I stood waiting on +the bank, could see that it was not composed of men in martial array. It +met exactly all my previous conceptions of a disorderly flight. There +were men in and out of uniform, men rolled in blankets, men on +horseback and men on foot, cannon, caisons, baggage wagons, beef cattle, +ambulances and nondescripts, all mixed and mingled, filling the street +from wall to wall; no one speaking a word, and all intent on getting +forward as fast as possible. So thickly were they packed that I waited +in vain, as much as twenty minutes, for some opening through which I +might work my way to the other side, and at last called the vidette, who +came and helped me over. + +Reaching the theater, I found many of the men awake and listening; went +among them and whispered, as I did something for each, that there was +some movement on the street I did not understand, but should probably +know about in the morning. During the suspense of those dark hours, and +all the next day I was constantly reminded of the Bible metaphor of "a +nail fastened in a sure place." The absolute confidence which those men +reposed in me, the comfort and strength I could give them, were so out +of proportion to my strength that it was a study. I was a very small +nail, but so securely fastened in the source of all strength, that they +could hold by me and hope, even when there seemed nothing to hope for. +As for me, all the armies of the world, and the world itself might melt +or blow away, but I should be safe with God, and know that for every +creature He was working out some noble destiny. All the pain, and +sorrow, and defeat, were rough places--briars in an upward path to +something we should all rejoice to see. + +All day that dark stream surged around that corner, and I took heart +that the flight was not disorderly, since I heard of none coming by any +other street. All day the work went on as usual at the old theater, and +I made short excursions to other places. Up that street in one end of an +engine house, up a narrow, winding stair, I found a room full of men +deserted, and in most pitiable condition. They were all supposed to be +fever cases, but one young man had an ankle wound, in which inflammation +had appeared. I hurried to the surgeons, stationed in the far end of the +building, and reported the case. They sent immediately for the man, and +I knew in two hours that the amputation had been successful, and barely +in time. + +As I went on that errand, I met two Christian Commission men walking +leisurely, admiring the light of the rising sun on the old buildings, +and told them of the urgent demand for help, and chicken broth or beef +broth and water up in that room. They were polite, and promised to go as +soon as possible to the relief of that distress; but when I returned and +up to the last knowledge I had of the case, they had not been there. + +I secured a can of cooked turkey, the only one I ever saw, and a pitcher +of hot water, and with these made a substitute for chicken broth; gave +them all drinks of water, bathed their faces, found one of their absent +nurses, made him promise to stay, and went back to the main building to +have some one see that he kept his word. + +Here was a large floor almost covered with wounded, and among them a +woman stumbled about weeping, wailing, boo-hooing and wringing her +hands; I caught her wrist, and said: + +"What _is_ the matter?" "Oh! oh! oh! Boo-hoo! boo-hoo! the poor fellow +is goin' to die an' wants me to write to his mother." + +"Well, write to her and keep quiet! you need not kill all the rest of +them because he is going to die." + +"Oh! boo-hoo! some people has no feelin's; but I have got feelin's!" + +I led her to the surgeon in charge, who sent her and her "feelin's" to +her quarters, and told her not to come back. + +She was the only one of the Dix' nurses I saw in Fredericksburg, and her +large, flat, flabby face was almost hideous with its lack of eye-brows +and lashes; but this hideousness must have been her recommendation, as +she could not have been more than twenty years old. + +From the engine house I went to the Methodist church. Miss Hancock had +been detailed to the General Hospital, just being established, and I +found a house full of men in a sad condition. Nine o'clock, on a hot +morning, and no wounds dressed; bandages dry and hard, men thirsty and +feverish, nurses out watching that stream pouring through the city, and +patients helpless and despondent. + +I got a basin of water and a clean rag, never cared for sponges, and +went from one to another, dripping water in behind those bandages to +ease the torment of lint splints, brought drinks and talked to call +their attention from the indefinite dread which filled the air, and got +up considerable interest in--I do not remember what--but something which +set them to talking. + +Some wounds I dressed, and while engaged on one, a man called from the +other side of the house to know what the fun was all about, when the +man whose wound I was attending placed a hand on each of his sides, +screamed with laughter, and replied: + +"Oh, Jim! do get her to dress your wound, for I swear, she'd make a dead +man laugh!" + +I found some of the nurses; a surgeon came in who would, I thought, +attend to them, and I went back to my post to find every man on duty. + +It was near sundown when we heard that this backward movement was a +"change of base;" but to me it seemed more like looking for a base, as +there had been none to change. The stream thickened toward nightfall, +and continued until two o'clock next morning; so that our army was +twenty-four hours passing through Fredericksburg; and in that time I do +not think a man strayed off on to any other street! All poured down that +side street, turned that corner, and went on down Princess Ann. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIII. + + +PRAYERS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE. + +The next evening, after hearing of the battle of Spottsylvania, and +while waiting to know if it had been renewed, I sat after sundown on the +door-step of our quarters, when an orderly hurried up and inquired for +the Christian Commission. A lieutenant was dying, and wanted to see a +preacher. I directed the messenger, but doubted if he would find a +preacher, as I had seen nothing of any save a Catholic priest, with whom +I had formed an alliance; and I went to stay with the dying man, who was +alone. + +I found him nervous and tired, with nothing to hinder his return to his +regiment inside of a month. He had been converted, was a member of the +Methodist church, and seemed an humble Christian man. I told him he was +getting well, had seen too much company, and must go to sleep, which he +proceeded to do in a very short time after being assured that that +motion was in order. + +He had slept perhaps five minutes when the messenger returned, followed +by six preachers! I made a sign that he slept and should not be +disturbed, but they gathered around the bed with so much noise they +waked him. + +There seemed to be a struggle for precedence among his visitors, but one +gained the victory. They all wanted to shake hands with the man in the +bed, but his left arm was off, and I objected; whereupon the head +spokesman groaned a good solid groan, to which the others groaned a +response. He stood at the foot of the bed, spread his chest, and +inquired: + +"Well, brother, how is your soul in this solemn hour?" + +The answer was such as a good Christian might make; and I told the +gentleman that the lieutenant had been unnecessarily alarmed; that he +had seen too much company, was weary and excited, needed rest, and was +rapidly recovering; that he ought to go to sleep; but they all knelt +around the bed, and the first prayed a good, long, loud prayer; talked +about "the lake that burneth," and other pleasant things, while I held +the patient's hand, and felt his nerves jerk. + +I thought it would soon be over; but no sooner had this one finished +than the next fell to, and gave us a prayer with more of those sobs made +by hard inhalation than his predecessor, and a good deal more +brimstone. No sooner had he relieved his mind than a third threw back +his head to begin, and I spoke, quietly as possible; begged they would +let the lieutenant sleep; told them that down in the old theater was a +man in a back room, alone and dying. I had tried to get some one to sit +with him and pray with him, and hoped one or two of them would go to him +at once, as every moment might make it too late. A man was also dying in +the engine-house, who ought to have some Christian friend with him as he +crossed the dark valley. + +They listened impatiently; then the man whose turn it was to ventilate +his eloquence, pushed his sleeves up to the elbows, rubbed his hands as +if about to lift some heavy weight, and exclaimed: + +"Yes, sister! Yes. We'll attend to them; but, first, let us get through +with this case!" + +Then he went to work and ladled out groans, sobs and blue blazes. The +other three followed suit, and when they had all had a good time on +their knees, each one gave a short oration, and when they got through I +reminded them again of the two dying men; but like the undutiful son, +they said, "I go! and went not!" + +It was two of the six whom I met next morning, and asked to go to the +relief of those poor patients, who promised and went not. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIV. + + +GET OUT OF THE OLD THEATER. + +I do not know how long I was in charge of the old theater, but remember +talking to some one of having been there ten days, and things looking as +usual. It was after the change of base, that one afternoon I got eight +hopeful cases sent to the General Hospital, where they would have beds. +That night about ten o'clock the vidette halted a man, who explained +that he was surgeon in charge of that institution, and when he got leave +to go on, I caught him by the lapel of his coat, and said: + +"If you are Surgeon--what is the reason that the eight men I sent you +this afternoon had had no supper at nine o'clock?" + +He promised to attend to them before he slept, and on that we parted. +Soon after this, Dr. Childs, of Philadelphia, and a regular army +surgeon, came to the old theater, hung their coats and official dignity, +if they had any, on the wall--never said a word about the rubbish in the +hall, but fastened up their sleeves and went to work. When they came, I +felt as if I could not take another step, went to my room and lay down, +thinking of Raphael's useless angels leaning their baby arms on a cloud. +My angels wore beards, and had their sleeves turned up like farm +laborers, as they lifted men out of the depths of despair into the light +and warmth of human help and human sympathy. + +In sending the men away, they sent the amputation cases and George to +the church, and sent for me to go to them there. + +Georgie had gone to the General Hospital, and there was no surgeon in +charge at the church when I went to it. So, once more, I set about doing +that which was right in my own eyes. I could have a bale of hay, whipped +out my needle and thread, and for several bad cases who had two blankets +converted one into a bed tick, had it filled with hay, and a man placed +on it; but three were sadly in need of beds, and had no blankets; and to +them I alloted the balance of my precious bale, had it placed under them +loose, and rejoiced in their joy over so great a luxury. My theater men +had been laid in a row close to the wall, next to the late scene of +their suffering; and about midnight of the first night there, a nurse +asked me to go to a man who was dying. I found him in front of the +altar. The doors and front panels of the pews had been fastened V shape +to the floor, and he lay with one arm over this, and his head hanging +forward. He had been shot through the chest, was breathing loud and in +gasps, worn out for want of support, and to lay him down was to put out +his lamp of life instantly. What he needed was a high-backed chair, but +General Patrick's sense of duty to the citizens of Fredericksburg left +no hope of such a support. As the only substitute in my reach, I sat on +the edge of the pew door and its panel, drew his arm across my knee, +raised his head to my shoulder, and held it there by laying mine against +it. In this way I could talk in a low monotone to him, and the hopes to +which the soul turns when about to leave the tenement of clay. He gasped +acquiescence in these hopes, and his words led several men near to draw +their sleeves across their eyes; but they all knew he was dying, and a +little sympathy and sadness would not injure them. + +He reached toward the floor, and, the man next handed up a daguerreotype +case, which he tried to open. I took and opened it; found the picture of +a young, handsome woman, and held it and a candle, so that he could see +it. His tears fell on it, as he looked, and he gasped, + +"I shall never be where that has been." + +I said: + +"Is it your wife?" and he replied, + +"No! but she would have been." + +I always tried to avoid bringing sadness to the living on account of +death; but it must have been hard for men to sleep in sound of his +labored breathing; and to soften it I began singing "Shining Shore." He +took it up at once, in a whisper tone, keeping time, as if used to +singing. Soon one, then another and another joined, until all over the +church these prostrate men were singing that soft, sad melody. On the +altar burned a row of candles before a life-sized picture of the Virgin +and Child. The cocks crew the turn of the night outside, and when we had +sung the hymn through, some of the men began again, and we had sung it a +second time when I heard George call me. I knew that he, too, was dying, +and would probably not hear the next crowing of the cock. I must go to +him! how could I leave this head unsupported? Oh, death where is thy +sting? I think it was with me that night; but I went to George, and when +the sun arose it looked upon two corpses, the remains of two who had +gone from my arms in one night, full of hope in the great Hereafter. + + + +CHAPTER LXXV. + + +TAKE BOAT AND SEE A SOCIAL PARTY. + +Next morning a new surgeon took charge, and ordered that hay to be +removed. The men clung to their beds and sent for me; I plead a respite, +in hopes of getting muslin to make ticks; but was soon detected in the +act of taking a bowl of broth to one of my patients. This the surgeon +forbade on the ground that it was not regular meal time. I said the man +was asleep at meal time. This he would not permit, men must be fed at +regular hours, or not at all, and the new authority informed me that + +"More wounded soldiers had been killed by women stuffing them than by +anything else." + +He had just come from Massachusetts, and this was his first day among +the wounded. I set my bowl down before the altar, found a surgeon who +ranked him, and stated the case, when the higher authority said: + +"Give every man an ox, every day, if he will take it in beef tea." + +"But, Doctor, there is nothing in beef tea. I give broth." + +"Very good, give them whatever you please and whenever you please--we +can trust you." + +The new surgeon was promptly dismissed, and when next I saw him he was +on his way back to Massachusetts. + +That night a nurse came for me to go to the theater which had been +vacated, and once more almost filled with men who lay in total darkness, +without having any provision made for them. I got them lights, nurses +and food, but could not go back for another siege in that +building--could not leave my present post, but the city was being +evacuated. Both theater and church were emptied, and I went to the +tobacco warehouse, where Mrs. Ingersol was perplexed about a man with a +large bullet in his brain. When I had seen him and assured her that +another ounce of lead in a skull of that kind was of no consequence, she +redoubled her care, and I have no doubt he is living yet. But there was +one man in whom I felt a deep interest and for whom I saw little hope. +He had a chest wound, and had seemed to be doing well when there was a +hemorrhage, and he lay white and still almost as death. He must not +attempt to speak, and I was a godsend to him, for I knew what he needed +without being told, and gave him the best care I could. He was of a +Western State, and his name Dutton, and when I left him I thought he +must die in being moved, as he must be soon; but I must go with a +boat-load of wounded. + +This boat was a mere transport, and its precious freight was laid on the +decks as close as they could well be packed, the cabin floor being given +up to the wounded officers. There were several surgeons on board who may +have been attending to the men, but cannot remember seeing any but one +engaged in any work of that kind. There were also seven lady nurses, all +I think volunteers, all handsomely if not elegantly dressed. Of course +they could do nothing there, and I cannot see how they could have done +anything among the wounded in any place where there were no bedsteads +to protect the men from their hoops. They had probably been engaged in +preparing food, taking charge of, and distributing supplies and other +important work, for personal attendance on the men was but a part of the +work to be done. + +Surgeons could do little without soiling their uniforms, but my dress +had long been past soiling or spoiling; my old kid slippers without +heels, could be slid, with the feet in them, quite under a man, and as I +stepped sideways across them, they took care that my soft dress did not +catch on their buttons. When I sat on one heel to bathe a hot face, give +a drink or dress a wound, some man took hold of me with his well hand +and steadied me, while another held my basin. I had half of an old +knapsack to put under a wound, keep the floor dry and catch the worms +when I drove them out--and no twenty early birds ever captured so many +in the same length of time. I became so eager in the pursuit that I kept +it up by candle-light, until late midnight, when I started to go to my +stateroom. + +Entering the cabin, I came upon a social party, the like of which I +trust no one else will ever see. On the sofas sat those seven lady +nurses, each with the arm of an officer around her waist, in full view +of the wounded men on the floor, some of whom must go from that low bed, +to one still lower--even down under the daisies. + +I stopped, uttered some exclamation, then stood in speechless surprise. +Three surgeons released the ladies they were holding, came forward and +inquired if there was anything wanted. I might have replied that men and +women were wanted, but think I said nothing. When I reached my room I +found in the berth a woman who raised up and said: + +"The stewardess told me this was your room; will you let me stay with +you?" + +She was another Georgie--young, calm, strong, refined, was Miss Gray of +Columbia Hospital, and staid with me through a long hard trial, in which +she proved that her price was above rubies. + +Next morning I found on one of the guards, young Johnson, the son of an +old Wilkinsburg schoolmate. Hoped I had so checked the decay and final +destroyers which had already taken hold of him, that he might live. +Wrote to his people, and saw him at noon transferred with the other +patients, the surgeons and stylish lady nurses, to a large hospital +boat; when Miss Gray and I returned in the transport to Fredericksburg. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVI. + + +TAKE FINAL LEAVE OF FREDERICKSBURG. + +I cannot remember if our boat lay at the Fredericksburg wharf one day or +two; but she might start any moment, and those who went ashore took the +risk of being left, as this was the last boat. The evacuation was almost +complete, and we waited the result of expeditions to gather up our +wounded from field hospitals at the front. We were liable to attack at +any moment, and were protected by a gunboat which lay close along side. + +There was plenty to do on board, but in doing it I must see the piles of +stores on the wharf brought there too late to be of service to our +wounded, and now to be abandoned to the Rebels. There were certainly one +hundred bales of hay, which would have more than replaced all that was +withheld by United States bayonets from our own men in their extremity. +I soon learned after entering Fredericksburg, that our Commissaries were +issuing stores without stint to the citizens; went and saw them carry +off loads of everything there was to give; and when those one hundred +and eighty-two Union soldiers were literally starving in the old +Theater, Union soldiers were dealing out delicacies to Rebels, while +others guarded the meanest article of their property, and kept it from +our men, even when it was necessary to save life. + +I consulted several old Sanitary Commission men, who told me it was +always so when Grant was at the front; that he was then in absolute +command; that Patrick, the Provost Marshal, was his friend, and would be +sustained; and that we must be quiet or we would be ordered out of +Fredericksburg. + +Gen. Grant may have been loyal to the Union cause, but it has always +seemed to me that in fighting its battles, he was moved by the pure love +of fighting, and took that side which could furnish him the most means +to gratify his passion for war. His Generalship was certainly of a kind +that would soon have proved fatal to our cause in the war of the +Revolution, and only succeeded in the war of the Rebellion, because the +resources at his command were limitless, as compared with those of the +enemy. It was late in the afternoon when our boat shoved off, and as we +steamed away we saw the citizens rush down and take possession of the +stores left on the wharf. During the evening and night we were fired +into several times from the shores, but these attacks were returned from +the gun-boat, which kept our assailants at such distance that their +shots were harmless. We must have no lights that night, and the fires +were put out or concealed, that they might not make us a target. So I +slept, as there was nothing to be done, but in the morning was out early +in search of worms, and was having good success, when two richly, +fashionably dressed ladies came to tell me there was to be nothing to +eat, save for those who took board at the captain's table. They had gone +to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for a wounded officer, and were +ignominiously driven off by the cook. What was to be done? We might be +ten days getting to Washington. + +I went in search of a surgeon in charge, and found one in bed, sick; +waited at his door until he joined me, when together we saw the captain +of the boat. There were two new cook-stoves on board, but to put one up +would be to forfeit the insurance. There were plenty of commissary +stores. The surgeon went with me, ordered the commissary to give me +anything I wanted, and went back to bed. Our stores consisted of +crackers, coffee, dried-apples, essence of beef, and salt pork in +abundance, a little loaf bread, and about half a pound of citric acid. +Of these only the crackers and bread could be eaten without being +cooked. There were four hundred and fifty wounded men--all bad cases, +all exhausted from privation. How many of them would live to reach +Washington on a diet of crackers and water? I went to the cook, a large, +sensible colored woman, and stated the case as well as I could. After +hearing it she said: + +"I see how it is; but you see all these officers and ladies are agoin to +board with the captain, an' I'll have a sight o' cooking to do. I can't +have none of those fine ladies comin' a botherin' around me, carryin' +off my things or upsettin' 'em. But I'll tell you what I'll do; I'll +hurry up my work and clare off my things; then you can have the kitchen, +you an' that young lady that's with you; but them women, with their +hoops an' their flounces, must stay out o' here!" + +It was hard to see how two of them would get into that small domain, a +kitchen about ten feet square, half filled by a cook-stove, shelves, and +the steep, narrow, open stairs which led to the upper deck; but what a +kingdom that little kitchen was to me! All the utensils leaked, but cook +helped me draw rags through the holes in the three largest which I was +to have, and which covered the top of the stove. There were plenty of +new wooden buckets and tin dippers on board as freight, some contraband +women, and an active little man, who had once been a cook's assistant. +He and the women were glad to work for food. He was to help me in the +kitchen. They worked outside, and must not get in the way of the crew. +They washed dried apples and put them to soak in buckets, pounded +crackers in bags and put the crumbs into buckets, making each one a +third full and covering them with cold water. I put a large piece of +salt pork into my largest boiler, added water and beef essence enough to +almost fill the boiler, seasoned it, and as soon as it reached boiling +point had it ladled into the buckets with the cracker-crumbs, and sent +for distribution. The second boiler was kept busy cooking dried apples, +into which I put citric acid and sugar, for gangrene prevailed among the +wounds. In the third boiler I made coffee; I kept it a-soak, and as soon +as it boiled I put it strong into buckets, one-third full of cold water. +I kept vessels in the oven and on the small spaces on top of the stove. +My little man fired up like a fire-king, another man laid plenty of wood +at hand; and I think that was the only cook-stove that was ever "run" to +its full capacity for a week. By so running it, I could give every man a +pint of warm soup and one of warm coffee every twenty-four hours. To do +this, everything must "come to time." + +When one piece of pork was cooked, it was cut into small pieces and +distributed, and another put into the boiler. During our cooking times I +usually sat on the stairs, where I could direct and be out of the way; +and to improve the time, often had a plate and cup from which I ate and +drank. Cook always saved me something nice, and I made tea for myself. I +was running my body as I did the cook stove, making it do quadruple +duty, and did not spare the fuel in either case. Around each foot, below +the instep, I had a broad, firm bandage, one above each ankle and one +below each knee. If soldiers on the march had adopted this precaution, +they would have escaped the swollen limbs so often distressing. I also +had each knee covered by several layers of red flannel, to protect them +while I knelt on damp places. Soon after going into Campbell, I +discovered that muscles around the bone will do double service if held +firmly in place, and so was enabled in all my hospital work, to do what +seemed miraculous to the most experienced surgeons. + +I rested every moment I could, never stood when I might sit, made no +useless motions, spent no strength in sorrow, had no sentiment, was +simply the engineer of a machine--my own body; could fall asleep soon as +I lay down, and wake any moment with my senses all alert, outlived my +prejudice about china cups, and drank tea from brown earthen mugs used +for soup, and never washed save in cold water; often ate from a tin +plate with my left hand, while my right held a stump to prevent that +jerking of the nerves which is so agonizing to the patient, many a time +eating from the same tin plate with my patient, and making merry over +it; and think I must have outstanding engagements to dance cotillions +with one hundred one-legged men. + +One day while I sat eating and watching, that just enough cans of beef +were put into each boiler of broth, and no time wasted by letting it +stand after reaching boiling point, a surgeon asked to see me at the +kitchen door. He informed me that up on the forecastle, some men had had +soup twice while those in some other place had had none. He evidently +wished to be lenient, but felt that I had been guilty of great neglect. +I heard his grievance, and said: + +"Doctor, how many of you surgeons are on this boat?" + +After some consideration he answered: + +"Four!" + +"Four surgeons!" I repeated, "beside the surgeon in charge, who is sick! +We have four hundred and fifty wounded men! I draw all the rations, +find a way to cook them, have them cooked and put into the buckets, +ready for distribution. Do you not think that you four could organize a +force to see that they are honestly distributed--or do you expect me to +be in the kitchen, up in the forecastle, and at the stern on the boiler +deck, at one and the same time? Doctor, could you not take turns in +amusing those ladies? Could they not spare two of you for duty?" + +I heard no more complaints, but left Miss Grey more in charge of the +kitchen, and did enough medical inspecting to know that I had been +unjust. Some of the surgeons had been on duty, and the men were not so +much neglected as I had feared. As for the Ladies, I do not know how +many there were of them, but they were of good social position--quite as +good as the average of those whose main object in life is to look as +much better than their neighbors as circumstances will admit. There was +on board one of those folks for whose existence Christianity is +responsible, and which sensible Hindoos reduce to their original +elements, viz.: a widow who gets a living by being pious, and is +respectable through sheer force of cheap finery; one who estimates +herself by her surroundings, and whose every word and look and motion is +an apology for her existence. She was a Dix, or paid nurse. The ladies +snubbed her; we had no room for her hoops; and she spent her time in odd +corners, taking care of them and her hair, and turning up her eyes, like +a duck in a thunder-storm, under the impression that it looked +devotional. If I had killed all the folks I have felt like killing, she +would have gone from that boat to her final rest. + +One night about eleven o'clock a strange surgeon, who had just come +aboard with twenty wounded, came to the kitchen door, and handed in a +requisition for tea and custard and chicken for his men. The man told +him he could have nothing but cracker-broth or coffee. He was very +indignant, and proceeded to get up a scene; but the man said, firmly: + +"Can't help it, Surgeon! That's the orders!" + +"Orders! Whose orders?" + +I got down from my porch on the stairs, came forward and said: + +"It is my orders, sir, and I am sorry, but this is really all we can do +for you. If your men have tin cups, each one can have a cup of warm +soup--it will not be very hot--or a cup of warm coffee. Those who get +soup will get no coffee, and those who get coffee can have no soup. You +can get tin cups from the commissary, and should have them ready, so +that the food will not cool." + +While I made this statement he stood regarding me with ineffable +disdain, and when I was through inquired: + +"Who are you?" + +"I am the cook!" + +"The cook!" he repeated, contemptuously. "I will report your insolence +when we reach Washington!" + +"That may be your duty; but I will send up the coffee and soup, and do +you get the tin cups." + +He stamped off in dudgeon, and others who heard him were highly +indignant; but I was greatly pleased to find a surgeon who would get +angry and raise a disturbance on behalf of his patients. I never knew +his name, but if this should meet his eye I trust he will accept my +thanks for his faithfulness to his charge. + +On the lower deck, behind the boilers, lay twenty wounded prisoners, who +at first looked sulky; but as I was stepping over and among them, one +caught my dress, looked up pleadingly, and said: + +"Mother, can't you get me some soft bread? I can't eat this hard-tack." + +He was young, scarce more than a boy; had large, dark eyes, a good +head--tokens of gentle nurture--and alas! a thigh stump. He told me he +was of a Mississippi regiment, and his name Willie Gibbs. I bathed his +hot face, and said I would see about the bread; then went to another +part of the deck, where our men were very closely packed, and stated the +case to them. There was very little soft bread--it was theirs by right; +what should I do? I think they all spoke at once, and all said the same +words: + +"Oh, mother! give the Johnnies the soft bread! we can eat hard-tack!" + +I think I was impartial, but there was a temptation to give Willie Gibbs +a little more than his share of attention. His face was so sad, and +there was so little hope that he would ever again see those who loved +him, that I think I did more for him than for any other one on board. +His companions came to call me "mother," and I hope felt their captivity +softened by my care; and often rebel hands supported me while I crouched +at work. + +When we approached Washington, I proposed rewarding the cook for the +incalculable service she had rendered, but she replied: + +"No, ma'am, I will not take anything from you 'cept that apron! When we +get to Washington, you will not want it any more, an' I'll keep it all +my life to remember you, and leave it to my children! Lord! there isn't +another lady in the world could 'a done what you've done; an' I know +you're a lady! Them women with the fine clothes is trying to pass for +ladies, but, Lord! I know no lady 'u'd dress up that way in a place like +this, an' men know it, too--just look at you, an' how you do make them +fellers in shoulderstraps stand 'round!" + +Her observation showed her Southern culture, for whatever supremacy the +North may have over the South, Southern ladies are far in advance of +those of the North in the art of dress. A Southern lady seldom commits +an incongruity, or fails to dress according to age, weather, and the +occasion. I do not think any one of any social standing would have gone +among wounded men, with the idea of rendering any assistance, tricked +out in finery, as hundreds, if not thousands, of respectable Northern +women did. + +The apron which I gave to my friend the cook, was brown gingham, had +seen hard service, and cost, originally, ten cents, and half an hour's +hand-sewing; but if it aids her to remember me as pleasantly as I do +her, it is part of a bond of genuine friendship. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVII. + + +TRY TO GET UP A SOCIETY AND GET SICK. + +After two days in bed at home, I was so much better, that when Mrs. +Ingersol came with a plan for organizing a society to furnish the army +with female nurses, I went to see Mrs. Lincoln about it. She was willing +to cooperate, and I went to Secretary Stanton, who heard me, and +replied: + +"You must know that Mrs. Barlow and Mrs. Ingersol and you are not fair +representatives of your sex," and went on to explain the embarrassment +of the Surgeon-General from the thousands of women pressing their +services upon the Government, and the various political influences +brought to bear on behalf of applicants, and of the well grounded +opposition of surgeons to the presence of women in hospitals, on account +of their general unfitness. Gen. Scott, as a personal friend of Miss +Dix, had appointed her to the place she held, and it was so convenient +and respectful to refer people to her, that the War Department would not +interfere with the arrangement. In other words, she was a break-water +against which feminine sympathies could dash and splash without +submerging the hospital service. + +After what I had seen among the women who had succeeded in getting in, I +had not much to say. A society might prescribe a dress, but might be no +more successful than Miss Dix in making selections of those who should +wear it. + +I asked the Secretary how it came that no better provision had been +made for our wounded after the battle of the Wilderness, and tears +sprang to his eyes as he replied: + +"We did not know where they were. We had made every arrangement at the +points designated by Gen. Grant, but he changed his plans and did not +notify us. The whole army was cut off from its base of supplies and must +be sustained. As soon as we knew the emergency, we did everything in our +power; but all our preparations were lost. Everything had to be done +over again. You cannot regret the suffering more than I, but it was +impossible for me to prevent it." + +I never saw him so earnest, so sorrowful, so deeply moved. + +That effort seemed to be the straw which broke the camel's back, and I +was so ill as to demand medical attendance. For this I sent to Campbell. +Dr. Kelly came, but his forte was surgery, and my case was left with Dr. +True, who had had longer practice in medicine. They both decided that I +had been inoculated with gangrene while dressing wounds, and for some +weeks I continued to sink. I began to think my illness fatal, and asked +the doctor, who said: + +"I have been thinking I ought to tell you that if you have any unsettled +business you should attend to it." + +I had a feeling of being generally distributed over the bed, of being a +mass of pulp without any central force, but I had had a letter that day +from my daughter, who was with her father and grandmother in Swissvale, +and wanted to come to me, and the thought came: "Does God mean to make +my child an orphan, that others may receive their children by my +death?" Then I had a strange sensation of a muster, a gathering of +scattered life-force, and when it all came together it made a protest; I +signed to the doctor, who put his ear to my lips, and I said: + +"Doctor True, I shall live to be an hundred and twenty years old!" + +He took up the lamp, threw the light on my face, and peered anxiously +into it, and I looked straight into his eyes, and said: + +"I will!" + +He laughed and set down the lamp, saying: + +"Then you must get over this!" + +"You must get me over it. Bring Dr. Kelly!" + +Next morning, I had them carry me into a larger room, where the morning +sun shone on me, and ten days after, started for Pennsylvania, where I +spent three weeks with my old Swissvale neighbors, Col. Hawkins and Wm. +S. Haven. + +When I returned to Washington, I found an official document, a +recommendation from the Quarter-Master General, of my dismissal for +absence without leave. It was addressed to Secretary Stanton, who had +written on the outside: + +"Respectfully referred to Mrs. Swisshelm, by Edwin M. Stanton." + +I went back to work, and learned that Mrs. Gen. Barlow had died of +typhoid fever, in Washington. No man died more directly for the +Government. Thousands who fell on the battle-field, exhibited less +courage and devotion to that service, and did less to secure its +success. I know not where her body lies, but wherever it does, no +decoration-day should pass in which her memory is not crowned with +immortelles. + +She died at a time when my life was despaired of, and when Mrs. Ingersol +wrote to a Maine paper of my illness, adding: + +"I hope the Lord will not take her away, until He has made another like +her." + +She told me afterwards that just then she held the world at a grudge; +but it must have been relieved of my presence long ere this, if I had +not found in homoepathy relief from pain, which for eight months made +life a burden, and for which the best old-school physicians proposed no +cure. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVIII. + + +AN EFFICIENT NURSE. + +To show the capabilities of some of the women who thought they had a +mission for saving the country by acting as hospital nurses, I give the +history of one. + +While I lay ill, a friend came and told of a most excellent woman who +had come from afar, and tendered her services to the Government, who had +exerted much influence and spent much effort to get into a hospital as +nurse, but had failed. + +Hearing of my illness, her desire to be useful led her to tender her +services, so that if she could not nurse wounded soldiers she could +nurse one who had. The generous offer was accepted, and I was left an +afternoon in her care. + +I wanted a cup of tea. She went to the kitchen to make it, and one hour +after came up with a cup of tea, only this and nothing more, save a +saucer. To taste the tea. I must have a spoon, and to get one she must +go along a hall, down a long flight of stairs, through another hall and +the kitchen, to the pantry. When she had made the trip the tea was so +much too strong that a spoonful would have made a cup. She went down +again for hot water, and after she had got to the kitchen remembered +that she had thrown it out, thinking it would not be wanted. The fire +had gone out, and she came up to inquire if she should make a new one, +and if so, where she should find kindling? She had spent almost two +hours running to and fro, was all in perspiration and a fluster, had +done me a great deal of harm and nobody any good, had wasted all the +kindlings for the evening fire, enough tea to have served a large family +for a meal, and fairly illustrated a large part of the hospital service +rendered by women oppressed with the nursing mission. + +My sense of relief was inexpressible when Mrs. George B. Lincoln +returned from her visit to the White House, sent my tea-maker away and +took charge of me once more. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIX. + + +TWO FREDERICKSBURG PATIENTS. + +Some months after leaving Fredericksburg, I was walking on Pennsylvania +avenue, when the setting sun shone in my face, and a man in uniform +stopped me, saying: + +"Excuse me! you do not know me, but I know you!" + +I turned, looked at him carefully, and said: + +"I do not know you!" + +"Oh, no! but the last time you saw me, you cut off my beard with your +scissors and fed me with a teaspoon. When you left me you did not think +you would ever see me again." + +"Oh!" I exclaimed joyfully, "you are Dutton." + +He laughed, and replied, "That's me. I have just got a furlough and am +going home." + +He was very pale and thin, but I was so glad to see him and shake hands, +and wish him safely home with his friends. + +During the great review after the war, I had a seat near the President's +stand. There was a jam, and a man behind me called my attention to a +captain, at a short distance, who had something to say to me, and passed +along the words: + +"You took care of me on the boat coming from Fredericksburg." + +Looking across, I could see him quite well, but even when his hat was +off could not recognize him; and this is all I have ever heard from or +of the men with whose lives mine was so knit during that terrible time. + +I fear that not many survived, and doubt if a dozen of them ever knew me +by any other name than that of "Mother." + + + +CHAPTER LXXX. + + +AM ENLIGHTENED. + +When Early appeared before Washington, we all knew there was nothing to +prevent his coming in and taking possession. The forts were stripped. +There were no soldiers either in or around the city. The original +inhabitants were ready to welcome him with open arms. The departments +were closed, that the clerks might go out in military array, to oppose; +but of course few soldiers were sitting at desks at that stage of the +war. The news at the Quartermaster's office one morning was that the +foreign ministers had been notified, and that the city would be shelled +that afternoon. We lived on the north side of the city; and when I went +home, thousands of people were on the streets, listening to the sound of +guns at Fort Reno. + +So far as I knew, there was a universal expectation that the city would +be occupied by rebel troops that night. As this was in harmony with the +general tenor of my anticipations for a quarter of a century, I readily +shared in the popular opinion, and for once was with the majority. + +Among the groups who stood in the streets were many contrabands, and +their faces were pitiful to see. One scantily-clad woman, holding a +ragged infant, and with two frightened, ragged children clinging to her +skirts, stood literally quaking. Her black face had turned gray with +terror, and she came to me and asked: + +"Oh! Missus! does ye tink dey will get in?" + +Suddenly my eyes were opened, like those of the prophet's servant when +he saw the horses and chariots of fire, and I replied: + +"No! never! They will come no nearer than they now are! You can go home +and rest in peace, for you are just as safe from them as if you were in +heaven!" + +She was greatly comforted; but a gentleman said, as she moved away: + +"I wish I could share your opinion; but what is to hinder their coming +in?" + +"God is to hinder! He has appointed us to rescue these people. They are +collected here in thousands, and the prayers of centuries are to be +answered now!" + +I myself went home feeling all the confidence I spoke, and wondering I +could have been so stupid as to doubt. Our Government and people were +very imperfect, but had developed a sublime patriotism--made an almost +miraculous growth in good. Ten righteous men would have saved Sodom. We +had ten thousand; and I must think there are few histories of +supernatural interference in the affairs of the Jews more difficult to +account for, on merely natural grounds, than the preservation of +Washington in that crisis. + + + +CONCLUSION. + + +December 6th, 1865, the fiftieth anniversary of my birth, found me in +Washington, at work in the Quarter-Master's office, on a salary of sixty +dollars a month, without any provision for support in old age; and so +great a sufferer as never to have a night of rest unbroken by severe +pain, but with my interest in a country rescued from the odium of +Southern slavery, and a faint light breaking of the day which is yet to +abolish that of the West. + +In the summer of '66, Dr. King, of Pittsburg, came to know what I would +take for my interest in ten acres of the Swissvale estate, which he had +purchased. My deed had presented a barrier to the sale of a portion of +it, and he was in trouble: + +I consulted Secretary Stanton, who said: + +"Your title to that property is good against the world!" + +It had become valuable and the idea of its ownership was alarming! I had +made up my mind to poverty, had been discharged from the +Quarter-Master's office by special order of President Johnson, "for +speaking disrespectfully of the President of the United +States!"--_Washington Star_--was the first person dismissed by Mr. +Johnson; was without visible means of support, could not suddenly adjust +my thought to anything so foreign to all my plans as coming into +possession of a valuable estate, and said: + +"Oh, Secretary Stanton, how shall I ever undertake such a stewardship at +my time of life?" He looked sternly at me, and replied: + +"Mrs. Swisshelm, don't be a fool! take care of yourself! It is time you +would begin. The property is yours now. You are morally responsible for +it, and can surely make some better use of it than giving it away to +rich men around Pittsburg. Go at once and attend to your interests." + +This was our last interview. I instituted the suit he advised, and he +would have plead my cause before the Supreme Court, but when it came up +he was holding possession of the War Department to defeat President +Johnson's policy of making the South triumphant. However, the decree of +the court was in my favor, and through it I have been able to rescue the +old log block house from the tooth of decay, and to sit in it and recall +those passages of life with which it is so intimately connected. + + +THE END. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Half a Century, by Jane Grey Cannon Swisshelm + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12052 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cb1e709 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #12052 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12052) diff --git a/old/12052.txt b/old/12052.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a924eb8 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/12052.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11109 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Half a Century, by Jane Grey Cannon Swisshelm + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Half a Century + +Author: Jane Grey Cannon Swisshelm + +Release Date: April 15, 2004 [EBook #12052] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A CENTURY *** + + + + +Produced by Shawn Cruze and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + +HALF A CENTURY. + +BY + +JANE GREY SWISSHELM. + + + * * * * * + + + "God so willed: + Mankind is ignorant! a man am I: + Call ignorance my sorrow, not my sin!" + + "O, still as ever friends are they + Who, in the interest of outraged truth + Deprecate such rough handling of a lie!" + + ROBERT BROWNING. + + +1880. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +It has been assumed, and is generally believed, that the Anti-slavery +struggle, which, culminated in the Emancipation Proclamation of 1862, +originated in Infidelity, and was a triumph of Skepticism over +Christianity. In no way can this error be so well corrected as by the +personal history of those who took part in that struggle; and as most of +them have passed from earth without leaving any record of the education +and motives which underlay their action, the duty they neglected becomes +doubly incumbent on the few who remain. + +To supply one quota of the inside history of the great Abolition war, is +the primary object of this work; but scarcely secondary to this object +is that of recording incidents characteristic of the Peculiar +Institution overthrown in that struggle. + +Another object, and one which struggles for precedence, is to give an +inside history of the hospitals during the war of the Rebellion, that +the American people may not forget the cost of that Government so often +imperiled through their indifference. + +A third object, is to give an analysis of the ground which produced the +Woman's Rights agitation, and the causes which limited its influence. + +A fourth is, to illustrate the force of education and the mutability of +human character, by a personal narrative of one who, in 1836, would have +broken an engagement rather than permit her name to appear in print, +even in the announcement of marriage; and who, in 1850, had as much +newspaper notoriety as any man of that time, and was singularly +indifferent to the praise or blame of the Press;--of one who, in 1837, +could not break the seal of silence set upon her lips by "Inspiration," +even so far as to pray with a man dying of intemperance, and who yet, in +1862, addressed the Minnesota Senate in session, and as many others as +could be packed in the hall, with no more embarrassment than though +talking with a friend in a chimney corner. + +J.G.S. + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I. I FIND LIFE + +II. PROGRESS IN CALVINISM, HUNT GHOSTS, SEE LA FAYETTE + +III. FATHER'S DEATH + +IV. GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL + +V. LOSE MY BROTHER + +VI. JOIN CHURCH, AND MAKE NEW ENDEAVORS TO KEEP SABBATH + +VII. DELIVERER OF THE DARK NIGHT + +VIII. FITTING MYSELF INTO MY SPHERE + +IX. HABITATIONS OF HORRID CRUELTY + +X. KENTUCKY CONTEMPT FOR LABOR + +XI. REBELLION + +XII. THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH + +XIII. "LABOR--SERVICE OR ACT" + +XIV. SWISSVALE + +XV. WILLOWS BY THE WATER-COURSES + +XVI. THE WATERS GROW DEEP + +XVII. MY NAME APPEARS IN PRINT + +XVIII. MEXICAN WAR LETTERS + +XIX. TRAINING SCHOOL + +XX. RIGHTS OF MARRIED WOMEN + +XXI. PITTSBURG SATURDAY VISITER + +XXII. RECEPTION OF THE VISITER + +XXIII. MY CROOKED TELESCOPE + +XXIV. MINT, CUMMIN AND ANNIS + +XXV. FREE SOIL PARTY + +XXVI. VISIT WASHINGTON + +XXVII. DANIEL WEBSTER + +XXVIII. FUGITIVE SLAVE LAW--THE TWO RIDDLES + +XXIX. BLOOMERS AND WOMAN'S RIGHTS CONVENTIONS + +XXX. MANY MATTERS + +XXXI. THE MOTHER CHURCH + +XXXII. POLITICS AND PRINTERS + +XXXIII. SUMNER, BURLINGAME AND CASSIUS M. CLAY + +XXXIV. FINANCE AND DESERTION + +XXXV. MY HERMITAGE + +XXXVI. THE MINNESOTA DICTATOR + +XXXVII. ANOTHER VISITER + +XXXVIII. BORDER RUFFIANISM + +XXXIX. SPEAK IN PUBLIC + +XL. A FAMOUS VICTORY + +XLI. STATE AND NATIONAL POLITICS + +XLII. RELIGIOUS CONTROVERSIES + +XLIII. FRONTIER LIFE + +XLIV. PRINTERS + +XLV. THE REBELLION + +XLVI. PLATFORMS + +XLVII. OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOME AGAIN + +XLVIII. THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE WEST + +XLIX. THE INDIAN MASSACRE OF '62 + +L. A MISSIVE AND A MISSION + +LI. NO USE FOR ME AMONG THE WOUNDED + +LII. FIND WORK + +LIII. HOSPITAL GANGRENE + +LIV. GET PERMISSION TO WORK + +LV. FIND A NAME + +LVI. DROP MY ALIAS + +LVII. HOSPITAL DRESS + +LVIII. SPECIAL WORK + +LIX. HEROIC AND ANTI-HEROIC TREATMENT + +LX. COST OF ORDER + +LXI. LEARN TO CONTROL PYAEMIA + +LXII. FIRST CASE OF GROWING A NEW BONE + +LXIII. A HEROIC MOTHER + +LXIV. TWO KINDS OF APPRECIATION + +LXV. LIFE AND DEATH + +LXVI. MEET MISS DIX AND GO TO FREDERICKSBURG + +LXVII. THE OLD THEATER + +LXVIII. AM PLACED IN AUTHORITY + +LXIX. VISITORS + +LXX. WOUNDED OFFICERS + +LXXI. "NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP" + +LXXII. MORE VICTIMS AND A CHANGE OF BASE + +LXXIII. PRAYERS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE + +LXXIV. GET OUT OF THE OLD THEATER + +LXXV. TAKE BOAT AND SEE A SOCIAL PARTY + +LXXVI. TAKE FINAL LEAVE OF FREDERICKSBURG + +LXXVII. TRY TO GET UP A SOCIETY AND GET SICK + +LXXVIII. AN EFFICIENT NURSE + +LXXIX. TWO FREDERICKSBURG PATIENTS + +LXXX. AM ENLIGHTENED + + CONCLUSION + + + + +HALF A CENTURY. + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +I FIND LIFE. + +Those soft pink circles which fell upon my face and hands, caught in my +hair, danced around my feet, and frolicked over the billowy waves of +bright, green grass--did I know they were apple blossoms? Did I know it +was an apple tree through which I looked up to the blue sky, over which +white clouds scudded away toward the great hills? Had I slept and been +awakened by the wind to find myself in the world? + +It is probable that I had for some time been familiar with that tree, +and all my surroundings, for I had been breathing two and a half years, +and had made some progress in the art of reading and sewing, saying +catechism and prayers. I knew the gray kitten which walked away; knew +that the girl who brought it back and reproved me for not holding it was +Adaline, my nurse; knew that the young lady who stood near was cousin +Sarah Alexander, and that the girl to whom she gave directions about +putting bread into a brick oven was Big Jane; that I was Little Jane, +and that the white house across the common was Squire Horner's. + +There was no surprise in anything save the loveliness of blossom and +tree; of the grass beneath and the sky above; and this first indelible +imprint on my memory seems to have found this inner something I call me, +as capable of reasoning as it has ever been. + +While I sat and wondered, father came, took me in his loving arms and +carried me to mother's room, where she lay in a tent-bed, with blue +foliage and blue birds outlined on the white ground of the curtains, +like the apple-boughs on the blue and white sky. The cover was turned +down, and I was permitted to kiss a baby-sister, and warned to be good, +lest Mrs. Dampster, who had brought the baby, should come and take it +away. This autocrat was pointed out, as she sat in a gray dress, white +'kerchief and cap, and no other potentate has ever inspired me with such +reverential awe. + +My second memory is of a "great awakening" to a sense of sin, and of my +lost and undone condition. On a warm summer day, while walking alone on +the common which lay between home and Squire Horner's house, I was +struck motionless by the thought that I had forgotten God. It seemed +probable, considering the total depravity of my nature, that I had been +thinking bad thoughts, and these I labored to recall, that I might +repent and plead with Divine mercy for forgiveness. But alas! I could +remember nothing save the crowning crime--forgetfulness of God. + +I seemed to stand outside, and see myself a mere mite, in a pink +sun-bonnet and white bib, the very chief of sinners, for the probability +was I had been thinking of that bonnet and bib. It was quite certain +that God knew my sin; and ah, the crushing horror that I could, by no +possibility conceal aught from the All-seeing Eye, while it was equally +impossible to win its approval. The Divine Law was so perfect that I +could not hope to meet its requirements--the Divine Law-giver so alert +that no sin could escape detection. + +Under that cloud of doom the sunshine grew dark, and I did not dare to +move until a cheery voice called out something about my pretty bonnet, +and gave me a sense of companionship in this dreadful, dreadful world. +Rose, a large native African, had spoken to me from her place in Squire +Horner's kitchen, and I went home full of solemn resolves and sad +forebodings. + +This is probably what evangelists would call my conversion, and it came +in my third summer. There was a fire in the grate when mother showed Dr. +Robt. Wilson, our family physician, a pair of wristbands and collar I +had stitched for father, and when they spoke of me as not being three +years old--but then I had in my mind the marks of that "great +awakening." + +To me, no childhood was possible under the training this indicates, yet +in giving that training, my parents were loving and gentle as they were +faithful. Believing in the danger of eternal death, they could but guard +me from it, by the only means of which they had any knowledge. + +Before the completion of that momentous third year of life, I had +learned to read the New Testament readily, and was deeply grieved that +our pastor played "patty cake" with my hands, instead of hearing me +recite my catechism, and talking of original sin. During that winter I +went regularly to school, where I was kept at the head of a +spelling-class, in which were young men and women. One of these, Wilkins +McNair, used to carry me home, much amused, no doubt, by my supremacy. +His father, Col. Dunning McNair, was proprietor of the village, and had +been ridiculed for predicting that, in the course of human events, there +would be a graded, McAdamized road, all the way from Philadelphia to +Pittsburg, and that if he did not live to see it his children would. He +was a neighbor and friend of Wm. Wilkins, afterwards Judge, Secretary +of War, and Minister to Russia, and had named his son for him. When his +prediction was fulfilled and the road made, it ran through his land, and +on it he laid out the village and called it Wilkinsburg. Mr. McNair +lived south of it in a rough stone house--the manor of the +neighborhood--with half a dozen slave huts ranged before the kitchen +door, and the gateway between his grounds and the village, as seen from +the upper windows of our house, was, to me, the boundary between the +known and the unknown, the dread portal through which came Adam, the +poor old ragged slave, with whom my nurse threatened me when I did not +do as she wished. He was a wretched creature, who made and sold hickory +brooms, as he dragged his rheumatic limbs on the down grade of life, +until he found rest by freezing to death in the woods, where he had gone +for saplings. + +I was born on the 6th of December, 1815, in Pittsburg, on the bank of +the Monongahela, near its confluence with the Allegheny. My father was +Thomas Cannon, and my mother Mary Scott. They were both Scotch-Irish +and descended from the Scotch Reformers. On my mother's side were +several men and women who signed the "Solemn League and Covenant," and +defended it to the loss of livings, lauds and life. Her mother, Jane +Grey, was of that family which was allied to royalty, and gave to +England her nine day's queen. + +This grandmother I remember as a stately old lady, quaintly and plainly +dressed, reading a large Bible or answering questions by quotations from +its pages. She was unsuspicious as an infant, always doubtful about +"actual transgressions" of any, while believing in the total depravity +of all. Educated in Ireland as an heiress, she had not been taught to +write, lest she should marry without the consent of her elder brother +guardian. She felt that we owed her undying gratitude for bestowing her +hand and fortune on our grandfather, who was but a yoeman, even if "he +did have a good leasehold, ride a high horse, wear spurs, and have +Hamilton blood in his veins." She made us familiar with the battle of +the Boyne and the sufferings in Londonderry, in both of which her +great-grandfather had shared, but was incapable of that sectarian +rancor, which marks so many descendents of the men who met on those +fields of blood and fought for their convictions. + +In April, 1816, father moved from Pittsburg out to the new village of +Wilkinsburg; took with him a large stock of goods, bought property, built +the house in which I first remember him, and planted the apple tree +which imprinted the first picture on my memory. But the crash which +followed the last war with England brought general bankruptcy; the +mortgages on Col. McNair's estate made the titles valueless, and this, +with the fall of his real estate in Pittsburg, reduced father to +poverty, from which he never recovered. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +PROGRESS IN CALVINISM--HUNT GHOSTS--SEE LA FAYETTE.--AGE, 6-9. + +My parents were members of the Covenanter Congregation, of which Dr. +John Black was pastor for forty-five years. He was a man of power, a +profound logician, with great facility in conveying ideas. To his pulpit +ministrations I am largely indebted for whatever ability I have to +discriminate between truth and falsehood; but the church was in +Pittsburg, and our home seven miles away, so we seldom went to meeting. +The rules of the denomination forbade "occasional hearing." Father and +mother had once been "sessioned" for stopping on their way home to hear +the conclusion of a communion service in Dr. Brace's church, which was +Seceder. So our Sabbaths were usually spent in religious services at +home. These I enjoyed, as it aided my life-work of loving and thinking +about God, who seemed, to my mind, to have some special need of my +attention. Nothing was done on that day which could have been done the +day before, or could be postponed till the day after. Coffee grinding +was not thought of, and once, when we had no flour for Saturday's +baking, and the buckwheat cakes were baked the evening before and warmed +on Sabbath morning, we were all troubled about the violation of the +day. + +There was a Presbyterian "meeting-house" two miles east of Wilkinsburg, +where a large, wealthy congregation worshipped. Rev. James Graham was +pastor, and unlike other Presbyterians, they never "profaned the +sanctuary" by singing "human compositions," but confined themselves to +Rouse's version of David's Psalms, as did our own denomination. This +aided that laxness of discipline which permitted Big Jane, Adaline and +brother William to attend sometimes, under care of neighbors. Once I was +allowed to accompany them. + +I was the proud possessor of a pair of red shoes, which I carried rolled +up in my 'kerchief while we walked the two miles. We stopped in the +woods; my feet were denuded of their commonplace attire and arrayed in +white hose, beautifully clocked, and those precious slices, and my poor +conscience tortured about my vanity. The girls also exchanged theirs for +morocco slippers. We concealed our walking shoes under a mossy log and +proceeded to the meeting-house. + +It was built in the form of a T, of hewn logs, and the whole structure, +both inside and out, was a combination of those soft grays and browns +with which nature colors wood, and in its close setting of primeval +forest, made a harmonious picture. Atone side lay a graveyard; birds +sang in the surrounding trees, some of which reached out their giant +arms and touched the log walls. Swallows had built nests under the +eaves outside, and some on the rough projections inside, and joined +their twitter to the songs of other birds and the rich organ +accompaniment of wind and trees. + +There were two sermons, and in the intermission, a church sociable, in +fact if not in name. Friends who lived twenty miles apart, met here, +exchanged greetings and news, gave notices and invitations, and obeyed +the higher law of kindness under protest of their Calvinistic +consciences. In this breathing-time we ate our lunch, went to the +nearest house and had a drink from the spring which ran through the +stone milk-house. It was a day full of sight-seeing and of solemn, grand +impressions. + +Of the two sermons I remember but one, and this from the text "Many are +called but few are chosen," and the comments were Calvinism of the most +rigid school. On our way home, my brother William--three years older +than I--was very silent and thoughtful for some time, then spoke of the +sermon, of which I entirely approved, but he stoutly declared that he +did not believe it; did not believe God called people to come to him +while he did not choose to have them come. It would not be fair, indeed, +he thought it would be mean. + +That evening, when we were saying the shorter catechism, the question, +"What are the decrees of God?" came to me, and after repeating the +answer, I asked father to explain it--not that I needed any explanation, +but that William might be enlightened; for I was anxious about his soul, +on account of his skepticism. Enlightened he could not be, and even to +father expressed his doubts and disapprobation. We renewed the +discussion when alone, and during all his life I labored with him; but +soon found the common refuge of orthodox minds, in feeling that those +especially loved by them will be made exceptions in the general +distribution of wrath due to unbelief. + +One day I went with him to hunt the cow. We came to a wood just north of +the village, where the wind roared and shook the trees so that I was +quite awe-stricken; but he held my hand and assured me there was no +danger, until he suddenly drew me back, exclaiming: + +"Oh see!" as a great tree came crashing down across the path before us, +and so near that it must have fallen on us if he had not seen it and +stepped back. Even then he refused to go home without the cow, and +taking up a daddy-long-legs, he inquired of it where she was, and +started in the direction indicated, when we were arrested by the voice +of Big Jane, who had come to search for us. + +On reaching home, we found a new baby-sister, Elizabeth. Soon after her +birth, in April, 1821, father moved back to Pittsburg, and lived on +Sixth street, opposite Trinity Church, on property belonging to my +maternal grandfather. There was no church there at that time, but a +thickly peopled graveyard, which adjoined that of the First Presbyterian +Church, on the corner of Sixth and Wood. These were above the level of +the street, and were protected by a worm-fence that ran along the top of +a green bank on which we played and gathered flowers. + +Grandmother took me sometimes to walk in these graveyards at night, and +there talked to me about God and heaven and the angels. I was +sufficiently interested in these, but especially longed to see the +ghosts, and often went to look for them. We had a bachelor uncle who +delighted in telling us tales of the supernatural, and he peopled these +graveyards with ghosts, in which I believed as implicitly as in the +Revelations made to John on the Isle of Patmos, which were my favorite +literature. + +When the congregation concluded to abandon the "Round Church," which +stood on the triangle between Liberty, Wood and Sixth streets, and began +to dig for a foundation for Trinity, where it now stands, there was +great desecration of graves. One day a thrill of excitement and stream +of talk ran through the neighborhood, about a Mrs. Cooper, whose body +had been buried three years, and was found in a wonderful state of +preservation, when the coffin was laid open by the diggers. It was left +that the friends might remove it, and that night I felt would be the +time for ghosts. So I went over alone, and while I crouched by the open +grave, peering in, a cloud passed, and the moon poured down a flood of +light, by which I could see the quiet sleeper, with folded hands, taking +her last, long rest. + +It was inexpressibly grand, solemn and sad. There were no gaslights, no +paved street near, no one stirring. Earth was far away and heaven near +at hand, but no ghost came, and I went home disappointed. Afterwards I +had a still more disheartening adventure. + +I had gone an errand to cousin Alexander's, on Fifth street, stayed +late, and coming home, found Wood street deserted. The moon shone +brightly, but on the graveyard side were heavy shadows, except in the +open space opposite the church. I was on the other side, and there was +the office of the Democratic paper, and over the door the motto "Our +country, right or wrong." This had long appeared to be an uncanny spot, +owing to the wickedness of this sentiment, and I was thinking of the +possibility of seeing Auld Nick guarding his property, when my attention +was attracted to a tall, white figure in the bright moonlight, outside +the graveyard fence. + +I stopped an instant, in great surprise, and listened for footsteps, but +no sound accompanied the motion. It did not walk, but glided, and must +have risen out of the ground, for only a moment before there was nothing +visible. I clasped my hands in mute wonder, but my ghost was getting +away, and to make its acquaintance I must hurry. Crossing the street I +ran after and gained on it. It passed into the shadow of the engine +house, on across Sixth street, into the moonlight, then into the shadow, +before I overtook it, when lo! it was a mortal woman, barefoot, in a +dress which was probably a faded print. Most prints faded then, and this +was white, long and scant, making a very ghostly robe, while on her head +she carried a bundle tied up in a sheet. She had, of course, come out of +Virgin alley, where many laundresses lived, and had just passed out of +the shadow when I saw her. We exchanged salutations, and I went home to +lie and brood over the unreliable nature of ghosts. + +I was trying to get into a proper frame of mind for saying my prayers, +but I doubt if they were said that night, as we were soon aroused by the +cries of fire. Henry Clay was being burned, in effigy, on the corner of +Sixth and Wood streets, to show somebody's disapproval of his course in +the election of John Quincy Adams. The Democratic editor, McFarland, was +tried and found guilty of the offense, and took revenge in ridiculing +his opponents. Charles Glenn, a fussy old gentleman, member of our +church, was an important witness for the prosecution, and in the long, +rhyming account published by the defendant, he was thus remembered: + + "Then in came Glenn, that man of peace, + And swore to facts as sleek as grease; + By all his Uncle Aleck's geese, + McFarland burnt the tar-barrel." + +It was before this time that Lafayette revisited Pittsburg, and people +went wild to do him honor. The schools paraded for his inspection, and +ours was ranged along the pavement in front of the First Presbyterian +church, the boys next the curb, the girls next the fence, all in holiday +attire, and wearing blue badges. The distinguished visitor passed up +between them, leaning on the arm of another gentleman, bowing and +smiling as he went. When he came to where I stood, he stepped aside, +laid his hand on my head, turned up my face and spoke to me. + +I was too happy to know what he said, and in all the years since that +day, that hand has lain on my brow as a consecration. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +FATHER'S DEATH.--AGE, 6-12. + +In the city we went regularly to meeting, and Dr. Black seemed always to +talk to _me_, and I had no more difficulty in understanding his sermons, +than in mastering the details of the most simple duty. The first of +which I preserve the memory was about Peter, who was made to illustrate +the growth of crime. He began with boasting; then came its natural +fruit, cowardice, in following his master afar off; next falsehood, and +from this he proceeded to perjury. It did seem that a disciple of Christ +could go no further; but for falsehood and perjury there might be excuse +in the hope of reward, and Peter found a lower deep, for "he began to +curse and to swear." A profane swearer is without temptation, and serves +the devil for the pure love of the service. What more could Peter do to +prove that he knew not Jesus? + +In the communion service is a ceremony called "fencing the tables," +which consists of an appeal to the consciences of intended communicants. +Dr. Black began with the first commandment and forbade those living in +its violation to come to the table, and so proceeded through the +decalogue. When he came to the eighth, he straightened himself, placed +his hands behind him, and with thrilling emphasis said, "I debar from +this holy table of the Lord, all slave-holders and horse-thieves, and +other dishonest persons," and without another word passed to the ninth +commandment. + +Soon after we returned to the city, sister Mary died of consumption, and +father's health began to fail. I have preserved the spinning wheel on +which mother converted flax yarn into thread, which she sold to aid in +the support of the family, but soon the entire burden fell on her, for +father's illness developed into consumption, from which he died in +March, 1823. + +In spite of all the testamentary precautions he could take, whatever of +his estate might have been available for present support, was in the +hands of lawyers, and mother was left with her children and the debts. +There were the contents of his shop and warehouse, some valuable real +estate in Pittsburg, which had passed out of his possession on a claim +of ground-rent, and a village home minus a title. + +William was a mechanical genius, so mother set him to making little +chairs, which he readily sold, but he liked better to construct fire +engines, which were quite wonderful but brought no money. He had a +splendid physique, was honorable and faithful, and if mother had been +guided by natural instinct in governing him, all would have been well; +but he never met the requirements of the elders of the church, who felt +it their duty to manage our family affairs. So he was often in trouble, +and I, who gloried in him, contrived to shield him from many a storm. + +At this time there was a fashionable _furor_ for lace work. Mother sent +me to learn it, and then procured me pupils, whom I taught, usually +sitting on their knee. But lace work soon gave way to painting on +velvet. This, too, I learned, and found profit in selling pictures. Ah, +what pictures I did make. I reached the culminating glory of artist +life, when Judge Braden, of Butler, gave me a new crisp five dollar bill +for a Goddess of Liberty. Indeed, he wanted me to be educated for an +artist, and was far-seeing and generous enough to have been my permanent +patron, had an artistic education, or any other education, been possible +for a Western Pennsylvania girl in that dark age--the first half of the +nineteenth century. + +Mother made a discovery in the art of coloring leghorn and straw +bonnets, which brought her plenty of work, so we never lacked comforts +of life, although grandfather's executors made us pay rent for the house +we occupied. + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +GO TO BOARDING-SCHOOL.--AGE, 12. + +During my childhood there were no public schools in Pennsylvania. The +State was pretty well supplied with colleges for boys, while girls were +permitted to go to subscription schools. To these we were sent part of +the time, and in one of them Joseph Caldwell, afterwards a prominent +missionary to India, was a schoolmate. But we had Dr. Black's sermons, +full of grand morals, science and history. + +In lieu of colleges for girls, there were boarding-schools, and +Edgeworth was esteemed one of the best in the State. It was at +Braddock's Field, and Mrs. Olever, an English woman of high culture, was +its founder and principal. To it my cousin, Mary Alexander, was sent, +but returned homesick, and refused to go back unless I went with her. It +was arranged that I should go for a few weeks, as I was greatly in need +of country air; and, highly delighted, I was at the rendezvous at the +hour, one o'clock, with my box, ready for this excursion into the world +of polite literature. Mary was also there, and a new scholar, but Father +Olever did not come for us until four o'clock. He was a small, nervous +gentleman, and lamps were already lighted in the smoky city when we +started to drive twelve miles through spring mud, on a cloudy, cheerless +afternoon. We knew he had no confidence in his power to manage those +horses, though we also knew he would do his best to save us from harm; +but as darkness closed around us, I think we felt like babes in the +woods, and shuddered with vague fear as much as with cold and damp. When +we reached the "Bullock Pens," half a mile west of Wilkinsburg, there +were many lights and much bustle in and around the old yellow tavern, +where teamsters were attending to their weary horses. Here we turned off +to the old mud road, and came to a place of which I had no previous +knowledge--a place of outer darkness and chattering teeth. + +We met no more teams, saw no more lights, but seemed to be in an utterly +uninhabited country. Then, after an hour of wearisome jolting and +plunging, we discovered that the darkness had not been total, for the +line of the horizon had been visible, but now it was swallowed up. We +knew we were in a wood, by the rush of the wind amid the dried white oak +leaves--knew that the road grew rougher at every step--that our driver +became more nervous as he applied the brake, and we went down, down. + +Still the descent grew steeper. We stopped, and Father Olever felt for +the bank with his whip to be sure we were on the road. Then we heard the +sound of rushing, angry waters, mingled with the roar of the wind, and +he seemed to hesitate about going on, but we could not very well stay +there, and he once more put his horses in motion, while we held fast and +prayed silently to the great Deliverer. After stopping again and +feeling for the bank, lest we should go over the precipitous hillside, +which he knew was there, he proceeded until, with a great plunge, we +were in the angry waters, which arose to the wagon-bed, and roared and +surged all around us. The horses tried to go on, when something gave +way, and our guardian concluded further progress was impossible, and +began to hallo at the top of his voice. + +For a long time there was no response; then came an answering call from +a long distance. Next a light appeared, and that, too, was far away, but +came toward us. When it reached the brink of the water, and two men with +it, we felt safe. The light-bearer held it up so that we saw him quite +well, and his peculiar appearance suited his surroundings. He was more +an overgrown boy than a man, beardless, with a long swarthy face, black +hair and keen black eyes. He wore heavy boots outside his pantaloons, a +blouse and slouch hat, spoke to his companion as one having authority, +and with a laugh said to our small gentleman: + +"Is this where you are?" but gave no heed to the answer as he waded in +and threw off the check lines, saying: "I wonder you did not drown your +horses." + +He next examined the wagon, paying no more attention to Father Olever's +explanations than to the water in which he seemed quite at home, and +when he had finished his inspection he said: + +"They must go to the house," and handing the light to the driver he took +us up one by one and carried us to the wet bank as easily as a child +carries her doll. He gave some directions to his companion, took the +light and said to us: + +"Come on," and we walked after him out into the limitless blackness, +nothing doubting. We went what seemed a long way, following this +brigand-looking stranger, without seeing any sign of life or hearing any +sound save the roar of wind and water, but on turning a fence corner, we +came in sight of a large two-story house, with a bright light streaming +out through many windows, and a wide open door. There was a large stone +barn on the other side of the road, and to this our conductor turned, +saying to us: "Go on to the house." This we did, and were met at the +open door by a middle-aged woman, shading with one hand the candle held +in the other. This threw a strong light on her face, which instantly +reminded me of an eagle. She wore a double-bordered white cap over her +black hair, and looked suspiciously at us through her small keen, black +eyes, but kindly bade us come in to a low wainscoted hall, with broad +stairway and many open doors. Through one of these and a second door we +saw a great fire of logs, and I should have liked to sit by it, but she +led us into a square wainscoted room on the opposite side, in which +blazed a coal fire almost as large as the log heap in the kitchen. + +She gave us seats, and a white-haired man who sat in the corner, spoke +to us, and made me feel comfortable. Up to this time all the +surroundings had had an air of enchanted castles, brigands, ghosts, +witches. The alert woman with the eagle face, in spite of her kindness, +made me feel myself an object of doubtful character, but this old man +set me quite at ease. We were no more than well warmed when the wagon +drove to the door, and the boy-man with the lantern appeared, saying, + +"Come on." + +We followed him again, and he lifted us into the wagon, while the +mistress of the house stood on the large flag-stone door-step, shading +her candle-flame, and giving directions about our wraps. + +"Coming events cast their shadows before," when they are between us and +the light; but that night the light must have been between them and me; +for I bade good-bye to our hostess without any premonition we should +ever again meet, or that I should sit alone, as I do to-night, over half +a century later, in that same old wainscoted room, listening to the roar +of those same angry waters and the rush of the wind wrestling with the +groaning trees, in the dense darkness of this low valley. + +When we had been carefully bestowed in the wagon, our deliverer took up +his lantern, saying to Father Olever: + +"Drive on." + +He was obeyed, and led the way over a bridge across another noisy +stream, and along a road where there was the sound of a waterfall very +near, then up a steep, rocky way until he stopped, saying, + +"I guess you can get along now." + +To Father Olever's thanks he only replied by a low, contemptuous but +good-humored laugh, as he turned to retrace his steps. All comfort and +strength and hope seemed to go with him. We were abandoned to our fate, +babes in the woods again, with only God for our reliance. But after a +while we could see the horizon, and arrived at our destination several +minutes before midnight, to find the great mansion full of glancing +lights and busy, expectant life. + +The large family had waited up for Father Olever's return, for he and +his wagon were the connecting link between that establishment and the +outside world. He appeared to great advantage surrounded by a bevy of +girls clamoring for letters and messages. To me the scene was +fairy-land. I had never before seen anything so grand as the great hall +with its polished stairway. We had supper in the housekeeper's room, and +I was taken up this stairway, and then up and up a corkscrew cousin +until we reached the attic, which stretched over the whole house, one +great dormitory called the "bee-hive." Here I was to sleep with Helen +Semple, a Pittsburg girl, of about my own age, a frail blonde, who quite +won my heart at our first meeting. + +Next day was Sabbath, and I was greatly surprised to see pupils walk on +the lawn. This was such a desecration of the day, but I made no remark. +I was too solemnly impressed by the grandeur of being at Braddock's +Field to have hinted that anything could be wrong. But for my own share +in the violation I was painfully penitent. + +This was not new, for there were a long series of years in which the +principal business of six days of every week, was repentance for the +very poor use made of the seventh, and from this dreary treadmill of sin +and sorrow, no faith ever could or did free me. I never could see +salvation in Christ apart from salvation from sin, and while the sin +remained the salvation was doubtful and the sorrow certain. + +On the afternoon of that first Sabbath, a number of young lady pupils +came to the Bee-hive for a visit, and as I afterwards learned to inspect +and name the two new girls, when I was promptly and unanimously dubbed +"Wax Doll." After a time, one remarked that they must go and study their +"ancient history lesson." I caught greedily at the words, ancient +history. Ah, if I could only be permitted to study such a lesson! No +such progress or promotion seemed open to me; but the thought interfered +with my prayers, and followed me into the realm of sleep. So when that +class was called next forenoon, I was alert, and what was my surprise, +to hear those privileged girls stumbling over the story of Sampson? +Could it be possible that was ancient history? How did it come to pass +that every one did not know all about Sampson, the man who had laid his +Lead on Delilah's wicked lap, to be shorn of his strength. If there is +any thing in that account, or any lesson to be drawn from it, with which +I was not then familiar, it is something I have never learned. Indeed, I +seemed to have completed my theological education before I did my +twelfth year. + +One morning, Mrs. Olever sent for me, and told me she had learned my +mother was not able to send me to school, but if I would take charge of +the lessons of the little girls, she would furnish me board and tuition. +This most generous offer quite took my breath away, and was most gladly +accepted; but it was easy work, and I wondered my own studies were so +light. I was allowed to amuse myself drawing flowers, which were quite +a surprise, and pronounced better than anything the drawing master could +do--to recite poetry, for the benefit of the larger girls, and to play +in the orchard with my pupils. + +With the other girls, I became interested in hair-dressing. I had read +"The Children of the Abbey," and Amanda's romantic adventures enchanted +me; but she was quite outside my life. Now I made a nearer acquaintance +with her. She changed her residence; so had I. She had brown ringlets; I +too should have them. So one Friday night, my hair was put up in papers, +and next morning, I let loose an amazing shower of curls. + +The next thing to do was to go off alone, and sit reading in a romantic +spot. Of course I did not expect to meet Lord Mortimer! Miss Fitzallen +never had any such expectations. I was simply going out to read and +admire the beauties of nature. When I had seated myself, in proper +attitude, on the gnarled root of an old tree, overhanging a lovely +ravine, I proceeded to the reading part of the play, and must of course +be too much absorbed to hear the approaching footsteps, to which I +listened with bated breath. So I did not look up when they stopped at my +side, or until a pleasant voice said: + +"Why you look quite romantic, my dear." + +Then I saw Miss Olever, the head teacher, familiarly called "Sissy +Jane." In that real and beautiful presence Miss Fitzallen retired to her +old place, and oh, the mortification she left behind her! I looked up, a +detected criminal, into the face of her who had brought to me this +humiliation, and took _her_ for a model. My folly did not prevent our +being sincere friends during all her earnest and beautiful life. + +She passed on, and I got back to the Bee-hive, when I disposed of my +curls, and never again played heroine. + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +LOSE MY BROTHER.--AGE, 12-15. + +Measured by the calendar, my boarding-school life was six weeks; but +measured by its pleasant memories, it was as many years. Mother wrote +for me to come home; and in going I saw, by sunlight, the scene of our +adventure that dark night going out. It was a lovely valley, walled in +by steep, wooded hills. Two ravines joined, bringing each its +contribution of running water, and pouring it into the larger stream of +the larger valley--a veritable "meeting of the waters"--in all of +nature's work, beautiful exceedingly. + +The house, which stood in the center of a large, green meadow, through +which the road ran, was built in two parts, of hewn logs, with one great +stone chimney on the outside, protected by an overshot in the roof, but +that one in which the log-heap burned that night was inside. One end had +been an Indian fort when Gen. Braddock tried to reach Fort Pitt by that +road. The other end and stone barn had been built by its present +proprietor. A log mill, the oldest in Allegheny county, stood below the +barn, and to it the French soldiers had come for meal from Fort +Duquesne. The stream crossed by the bridge was the mill-race, and the +waterfall made by the waste-gate. It was the homestead of a soldier of +the Revolution, one of Washington's lieutenants--the old man we had +seen. The woman was his second wife. They had a numerous family, and an +unpronounceable name. + +At home I learned that, on account of a cough, I had been the object of +a generous conspiracy between mother and Mrs. Olever, and had been +brought home because I was worse. Our doctors said I was in the first +stage of consumption, that Elizabeth was to reach that point early in +life, and that our only hope lay in plenty of calomel. Mother had lost +her husband and four vigorous children; there had been no lack of +calomel, and now, when death again threatened, she resolved to conduct +the defense on some new plan. + +She had gained legal possession of our village home, and moved to it. +Our lot was large and well supplied with choice fruit, and the place +seemed a paradise after our starved lives in the smoky city. My apple +tree still grew at the east end of the house. There was a willow tree +mother had planted, which now swept the ground with its long, graceful +branches. There were quantities of rose and lilac bushes, a walled +spring of delicious water in the cellar, and a whole world of wealth; +but the potato lot looked up in despair--a patch of yellow clay. Mother +put a twelve years' accumulation of coal ashes on it, and thus proved +them valuable both as a fertilizer and a preventive of potato-rot, +though at first her project met general opposition. + +William did the heavy work and was proud of it. He was in splendid +health, for his insubordination had, from a very early age, saved him +from drugging either mental or physical. The lighter gardening became +part of my treatment for consumption. By having me each day lie on the +floor on my back without a pillow, and gentle use of dumb-bells, mother +straightened my spine and developed my chest--my clothes being carefully +adapted to its expansion. Dancing was strictly forbidden by our church, +but mother was educated in Ireland and danced beautifully. She had a +class of girls and taught us, and with plenty of fresh air, milk and +eggs, effectually disposed of hereditary consumption in her family. But +while attending to us, she must also make a living, so she bought a +stock of goods on credit, opened a store, and soon had a paying +business. In this I was her special assistant. But the work supplied to +William did not satisfy the holy men of the church, who furnished us +advice. He still made fire engines, and a brook in a meadow presented +irresistible temptation to water-wheels and machinery. One of his +tilt-hammers made a very good ghost, haunting the meadow and keeping off +trespassers. He had a foundry, where he cast miniature cannon, kettles +and curious things, and his rifle-practice was a neighborhood wonder. He +brought water from the cellar, and did other chores which Pennsylvania +rules assigned to women, and when boys ridiculed him, he flogged them, +and did it quite as effectually as he rendered them the same service +when they were rude to a girl. He was a universal favorite, even if he +did hate catechism and love cake. + +So mother's conscience was worked upon until she bound him to a cabinet +maker in the city. To him, the restraint was unendurable, and he ran +away. He came after dark to bid me good-bye, left love for mother and +Elizabeth, and next morning left Pittsburg on a steamboat, going to that +Eldorado of Pittsburg boys--"down the river." + +For some time letters came regularly from him, and he was happy and +prosperous. Then they ceased, and after two years of agonizing suspense, +we heard that he had died of yellow fever in New Orleans. To us, this +was dreadful, irreparable, and was wholly due to that iron-bedstead +piety which permits no natural growth, but sets down all human loves and +longings as of Satanic origin. + +Soon after our removal to the village, grandfather's estate was +advertised for sheriff's sale. Mother had the proceedings stayed, the +executors dismissed, and took out letters of administration, which made +it necessary for her to spend some portion of every month in the city. +This threw the entire charge of house and store on me. As soon, +therefore, as possible, she sent me to the city to school, where I +realized my aspiration of studying ancient history and the piano, and +devoured the contents of the text-book of natural philosophy with an +avidity I had never known for a novel. + +In April, 1830, I began to teach school, the only one in Wilkinsburg, +and had plenty of pupils, young men and women, boys and girls, at two +dollars and one dollar and a half a term. Taught seven hours a day, and +Saturday forenoon, which was devoted to Bible reading and catechism. I +was the first, I believe, in Allegheny Co., to teach children without +beating them. I abolished corporeal punishment entirely, and was so +successful that boys, ungovernable at home, were altogether tractable. +This life was perfectly congenial, and I followed it for nearly six +years. Mother started a Sabbath School, the only one in the village, and +this, too, we continued for years. + +One of the pupils was a girl of thirteen, daughter of a well-to-do +farmer, who lived within a mile of the village. Her father had been +converted at a camp-meeting and was a devout Methodist. The first day +she attended, I asked her the question: + +"How many Gods are there?" + +She thought a moment, and then said, with an air of satisfaction: + +"Five." + +I was shocked, and answered in the language of the Catechism: + +"O Margaret! 'There is but one only living and true God.'" + +She hung her head, then nodded it, and with the emphasis of a judge who +had weighed all the evidence, said: + +"I am sure I ha' hearn tell o' more nur one of em." + +A young theological student came sometimes to stay over Sabbath and +assist in the school. He led in family worship, and had quite a nice +time, until one evening he read a chapter from the song of songs which +was Solomon's, when I bethought me that he was very much afraid of +toads. I began to cultivate those bright-eyed creatures, so that it +always seemed probable I had one in my pocket or sleeve. The path of +that good young man became thorny until it diverged from mine. + +I was almost fifteen, when I overheard a young lady say I was growing +pretty. I went to my mirror and spent some moments in unalloyed +happiness and triumph. Then I thought, "Pretty face, the worms will eat +you. All the prettiest girls I know are silly, but you shall never make +a fool of me. Helen's beauty ruined Troy. Cleopatra was a wretch. So if +you are pretty, _I_ will be master, remember that." + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +JOIN CHURCH AND MAKE NEW ENDEAVORS TO KEEP SABBATH.--AGE, 15. + +In the year 1800, the Covenanter church of this country said in her +synod: "Slavery and Christianity are incompatible," and never relaxed +her discipline which forbade fellowship with slave-holders--so I was +brought up an abolitionist. I was still a child when I went through +Wilkins' township collecting names to a petition for the abolition of +slavery in the District of Columbia. Here, in a strictly orthodox +Presbyterian community, I was everywhere met by the objections: "Niggers +have no souls," "The Jews held slaves," "Noah cursed Canaan," and these +points I argued from house to house, occasionally for three years, and +made that acquaintance which led to my being sent for in cases of +sickness and death, before I had completed my sixteenth year. In this, I +in some measure took the place long filled by mother, who was often a +substitute for doctor and preacher. + +Looking back at her life, I think how little those know of Calvinists +who regard them merely as a class of autocrats, conscious of their own +election to glory, and rejoicing in the reprobation of all others; for I +have never known such humble, self-distrustful people as I have found in +that faith. Mother, whose life was full of wisdom and good works, +doubted, even to the last, her own acceptance with God. She and I +believed that "a jealous God," who can brook no rivals, had taken away +our loving husband and father; our strong and brave son and brother, +because we loved them too much, and I was brought up to think it a great +presumption to assume that such a worm of the dust as I, could be aught +to the Creator but a subject of punishment. + +During the spring of 1831, mother said to me: + +"Sabbath week is our communion, and I thought you might wish to join the +church." + +I was startled and without looking up, said: + +"Am I old enough?" + +"If you feel that the dying command of the Savior, 'do this in +remembrance of me' was addressed to you, you are old enough to obey it." + +Not another word was said and the subject was never again broached +between us, but here a great conflict began. That command was given to +me, but how could I obey it without eating and drinking damnation to +myself? Was mine a saving faith, or did I, like the devils, believe and +tremble? I had been believing as long as I could remember, but did not +seem to grow in the image of God. + +The conflict lasted several days. Sleep left me. The heavens were iron +and the earth brass. I turned to Erskine to learn the signs of saving +faith, but found only reason to suspect self-deception. I could not +submit to God's will--could not be willing that William should be +lost--nay, I was not willing that any one should be lost. I could not +stay in heaven, and know that any one was enduring endless torments in +some other place! I must leave and go to their relief. It was dreadful +that Abraham did not even try to go to poor Dives, or to send some one. +My whole soul flew into open revolt; then oh! the total depravity which +could question "the ways of God to man." I hated Milton. I despised his +devils; had a supreme contempt for the "Prince of the Power of the Air;" +did not remember a time when I was afraid of him. God was "my refuge and +my shield, in straits a present aid." If he took care of me, no one else +could hurt me; if he did not, no one else could; and to be accepted by +him was all there was or could be worth caring for; but how should I +find this acceptance with my heart full of rebellion? + +One afternoon I became unable to think, but a white mist settled down +over hell. Even those contemptible devils were having their tongues +cooled with blessed drops of water. The fires grew dim, and it seemed as +if there was to be a rain of grace and mercy in that region of despair. +Then I preferred my petition, that God would write his name upon my +forehead, and give me that "new name" which should mark me as his; that +he would bring William into the fold, and do with me as he would. I +would be content to spend my whole life in any labor he should appoint, +without a sign of the approval of God or man, if, in the end, I and +mine should be found among those "who had washed their robes, and made +them white in the blood of the Lamb." + +I fell asleep--slept hours--and when the sun was setting, woke in +perfect peace. My proposition had been accepted, and wonderful grace, +which had given what I had not dared to ask, assurance of present +acceptance. I should have all the work and privation for which I had +bargained--should be a thistle-digger in the vineyard; should be set to +tasks from which other laborers shrank, but in no trial could I ever be +alone, and should at last hear the welcome "well done." + +I arose as one from a grave to a joyous resurrection; but kept all these +things in my heart. Personal experiences being altogether between God +and the soul, were not considered fit subjects for conversation, and +when I came before the session applying for church, membership, no +mention was made of them, except as a general confession of faith. + +Rev. Andrew Black addressed the table at which I sat in my first +communion, and said: + +"The Lord's Supper has been named the Eucharist, after the oath taken by +a Roman soldier, never to turn his back upon his leader. You, in +partaking of these emblems, do solemnly vow that you will never turn +your back upon Christ, but that you will follow him whithersoever he +goeth. Let others do as they will, you are to follow the Lamb, through +good and through evil report, to a palace or to a prison; follow him, +even if he should lead you out of the church." + +This was in perfect harmony with my private agreement, and no other act +of my life has been so solemn or far-reaching in its consequences, as +that ratification of my vow, and it is one I have least cause to repent. + +However, it brought a new phase to an old trouble. How should I follow +Christ? I could not do as he had done. I could not go to meeting every +Sabbath, and society every Friday; and if I did, was that following +Christ who never built a meeting-house, or conducted any service +resembling those now held? I read the life of Jonathan Edwards, and +settled back into the old Sabbath-keeping rut. Resolving to do my best, +I prayed all week, for grace to keep the next Sabbath. I rose early that +trial-morning, prayed as soon as my eyes were open, read a chapter, +looked out into the beautiful morning, thought about God and +prayed--spent so much time praying, that Elizabeth had breakfast ready +when I went down stairs. While I ate it, I held my thoughts to the work +of the day, worshiping God; but many facts and fancies forced themselves +in and disturbed my pious meditations. After breakfast, I went back to +my room to continue my labor; but mother soon came and said: + +"Do you intend to let Elizabeth do all the work?" + +I dropped my roll of saintship, and went and washed the dishes. Had I +been taught that he who does any honest work serves God and follows +Christ, what a world of woe would have been spared me. + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +THE DELIVERER OF THE DARK NIGHT.--AGE, 19-21. + +Quiltings furnished the principal amusement, and at these I was in +requisition, both for my expertness with the needle, and my skill in +laying out work; but as I had no brother to come for me, I usually went +home before the evening frolic, which consisted of plays. Male and +female partners went through the common quadrille figures, keeping time +to the music of their own voices, and making a denouement every few +moments by some man kissing some woman, perhaps in a dark hall, or some +woman kissing some man, or some man kissing all the women, or _vice +versa_. Elders and preachers often looked on in pious approbation, and +the church covered these sports with the mantle of her approval, but was +ready to excommunicate any one who should dance. Promiscuous dancing was +the fiery dragon which the church went out to slay. Only its death could +save her from a fit of choler which might be fatal, unless, indeed, the +dancing were sanctified by promiscuous kissing. If men and women danced +together without kissing, they were in immediate danger of eternal +damnation; but with plenty of kissing, and rude wrestling to overcome +the delicacy of women who objected to such desecration, the church gave +her blessing to the quadrille. + +My protest against these plays had given offense, and I chose to avoid +them; but one evening the host begged me to remain, saying he would see +that I was not annoyed, and would himself take me home. The frolic was +only begun, when he came and asked permission to introduce a gentleman, +saying: "If you do not treat him well, I will never forgive you." + +There was no need of this caution, for he presented a man whose presence +made me feel that I was a very little girl and should have been at home. +He was over six feet tall, well formed and strongly built, with black +hair and eyes, a long face, and heavy black whiskers. He was handsomely +dressed, and his manner that of a grave and reverend seignior. A Russian +count in a New York drawing room, then, when counts were few, could not +have seemed more foreign than this man in that village parlor, less than +two miles from the place of his birth. + +He was the son of the old revolutionary soldier, with the unpronouncable +name, who lived in the beautiful valley. This I knew at once, but did +not, for some time, realize that it was he who rescued us from the black +waters on that dark night, carried us to safety and light, and left us +again in darkness. This incident, so much to me, he never could +distinguish among the many times he had "helped Olever and his seminary +girls out of scrapes," and he never spoke of these adventures without +that same laugh which I noticed when Father Olever thanked him. + +He had elected me as his wife some years before this evening, and had +not kept it secret; had been assured his choice was presumptuous, but +came and took possession of his prospective property with the air of a +man who understood his business. I next saw him on horseback, and this +man of giant strength in full suit of black, riding a large spirited +black horse, became my "black knight." + +My sister hated him, and my mother doubted him, or rather doubted the +propriety of my receiving visits from him. His family were the leading +Methodists of the township; his father had donated land and built a +meeting-house, which took his name, and his house was the headquarters +of traveling preachers. There was a camp-meeting ground on the farm; his +mother "lived without sin," prayed aloud and shouted in meeting, while +the income and energy of the family were expended in propagating a faith +which we believed false. A marriage with him would be incongruous and +bring misery to both. These objections he overruled, by saying he was +not a member of any church, would never interfere with my rights of +conscience, would take or send me to my meeting when possible, and +expect me to go sometimes with him. He proposed going up the Allegheny +to establish saw-mills, and if I would go into the woods with him, there +should be no trouble about religion. So there seemed no valid objection, +and two years after our introduction we were married, on the 18th of +November, 1836. + +Then all was changed. I offended him the day after by shedding tears +when I left home to go for a visit to his father's house, and his sister +had told him that I cried while dressing to be married. These offenses +he never forgave, and concluded that since I cared so little for him, he +would not leave his friends and go up the Allegheny with me. His +services were indispensable at home, since his brother Samuel had gone +into business for himself, and the next brother William was not +seventeen, and could not take charge of the farm and mills. His mother +was ready to take me into the family,--although the house was not large +enough to accommodate us comfortably--the old shop in the yard could be +fitted up for a school-room. I could teach and he could manage the +estate. + +In this change, he but followed that impulse which led the men of +England, centuries ago, to enact, that "marriage annuls all previous +contracts between the parties," and which now leads men in all civilized +countries to preserve such statutes. It is an old adage, "All is fair in +love as in war," but I thought not of general laws, and only felt a +private grievance. + +By a further change of plan, I was to get religion and preach. Wesley +made the great innovation of calling women to the pulpit, and although +it had afterwards been closed to them generally, there were still women +who did preach, while all were urged to take part in public worship. My +husband had been converted after our engagement and shortly before our +marriage, and was quite zealous. He thought me wonderfully wise, and +that I might bring souls to Christ if I only would. I quoted Paul: "Let +women keep silence in churches, and learn of their husbands at home." He +replied, "Wives, obey your husbands." He laughed at the thought of my +learning from him and said: "What shall I teach you? Will you come to +the mill and let me show you how to put a log on the carriage?" + +It was a very earnest discussion, and the Bible was on both sides; but I +followed the lead of my church, which taught me to be silent. He quoted +his preachers, who were in league with him, to get me to give myself to +the Lord, help them save souls, by calling on men everywhere to repent; +but I was obstinate. I would not get religion, would not preach, would +not live in the house with his mother, and stayed with my own. His +younger brothers came regularly to me for lessons with my sister, and I +added two idiotic children bound to his sister's husband, to whose +darkened minds I found the key hidden from other teachers. His brothers +I adopted from the first, in place of the one I had lost, and they +repaid my love in kind; but books soon appeared as an entering wedge +between their souls and religion, which formed the entire mental pabulum +of the family. + +I believe there was not at that time a member of the Pittsburg +Conference who was a college graduate, few who had even a good, common +school education, while two of those who preached in our meetinghouse +and were frequent guests in the family, were unable to read. + +My husband's father was old and feeble, and had devised his property to +his wife, to be divided at her death between her sons. My husband, as +her agent, would come into possession of the whole, and they thought I +might object to the "prophet's chamber;" but it required no worldly +motive to stimulate these fiery zealots to save a sinner from the toils +of Calvinism. It is probable many of them would have laid down his life +for his religion, and when they got on the track of a sinner, they +pursued him as eagerly as ever an English parson did a fox, but it was +to save, not to kill. In these hot pursuits, they did not stand on +ceremony, and in my case, found a subject that would not run. My kith +and kin had died at the stake, bearing testimony against popery and +prelacy; had fought on those fields where Scotchmen charged in solid +columns, singing psalms; and though I was wax at all other points, I was +granite on "The Solemn League and Covenant." With the convictions of +others I did not interfere, but when attacked would "render +a reason." My assailants denounced theological seminaries as +"preacher-factories"--informed me that "neither Dr. Black nor any of his +congregation ever had religion," and that only by getting it could any +one be saved. My husband became proud of my defense, and the boys grew +disrespectful to their religious guides. Their mother became anxious +about their souls, so the efforts for my conversion were redoubled. + +From the first the preachers disapproved of my being permitted to go to +my meeting, and especially to my husband accompanying me. He refused to +go, on the ground that he had not been invited to commune, and as I sank +in the deep waters of affliction, I did so need the pulpit teachings of +my old pastor, which seemed to lift me and set my feet upon a rock. One +day I walked the seven miles and back, when the family carriage went to +take two preachers to an appointment; three horses stood in the old +stone barn, and my husband at home with his mother. This gave great +offense as the advertisement of a grievance, and was never repeated. + +During all my childhood and youth, I had been spoiled by much love, if +love can spoil. I was non-resistant by nature, and on principle, +believed in the power of good. Forbearance, generosity, helpful service, +would, should, must, win my new friends to love me. + +Getting me into the house with my mother-in-law, was so important a part +of the plan of salvation, that to effect it, I was left without support +or compensation for my services as teacher, tailor, dress-maker, for my +husband's family. He visited me once or twice a week, and ignored my +mother's presence, while she felt that in this, as in any church-joining +conflict, only God could help me, and stood aloof. + +To me the sun was darkened, and the moon refused her light. I knew "that +jealous God" who claimed the supreme love of his creatures, was +scourging me for making an idol and bowing down before it--for loving my +husband. I knew it was all just and clung to the Almighty arm, with the +old cry, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." To my husband I +clung with like tenacity, and could not admit that my suffering was +through any fault of his. + +The summer after my marriage, mother went for a long visit to Butler, +and left us in possession of her house. My husband bought a village +property, including a wagon-maker's shop, employed a workman and sent +him to board with me. He also made some additions to a dwelling on it, +that we might go there to live, and the workmen boarded with me, while +my mother-in-law furnished provisions and came or sent a daughter to see +that I did not waste them. Her reproofs were in the form of suggestions, +and she sought to please me by saying she had "allowed James" to get +certain things for me; but he did not visit me any oftener than when +mother was at home, and when she returned in the autumn, the potatoes +were frozen in the ground, the apples on the trees, and the cow stood +starving at the stable door. + +Then I learned that I had been expected to secure the fall crops on +mother's lot, and this was not unreasonable, for I had married a +Pennsylvania farmer, and their wives and sisters and daughters did such +work often, while the "men folks" pitched horseshoes to work off their +surplus vitality. Lack of strength was no reason why a woman should fail +in her duty, for when one fell at her post, there was always another to +take her place. + +Up to this time mother had left me to settle my troubles, but now, she +told me I must turn and demand justice; that generosity was more than +thrown away; that I never could live with my husband and bear his +neglect and unkindness and that of his family. I must leave him, defend +myself, or die. That I should have been expected to gather apples and +dig potatoes, filled her with indignation. She advised me to stay with +her and refuse to see him, but I shuddered to think it had come to this +in one short year, and felt that all would yet be well. So I went to +live in the house he provided for me, his mother furnished my supplies, +and he came once a week to see me. + +Here let me say, that in my twenty years of married life, my conflicts +were all spiritual; that there never was a time when my husband's strong +right arm would not be tempered to infantile gentleness to tend me in +illness, or when he hesitated to throw himself between me and danger. +Over streams and other places impassible to me, he carried me, but could +not understand how so frail a thing could be so obstinate. + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +FITTING MYSELF INTO MY SPHERE.--AGE, 22, 23. + +During all my girlhood I saw no pictures, no art gallery, no studio, but +had learned to feel great contempt for my own efforts at picture-making. +A traveling artist stopped in Wilkinsburg and painted some portraits; we +visited his studio, and a new world opened to me. Up to that time +portrait painting had seemed as inaccessible as the moon--a sublimity I +no more thought of reaching than a star; but when I saw a portrait on +the easel, a palette of paints and some brushes, I was at home in a new +world, at the head of a long vista of faces which I must paint; but the +new aspiration was another secret to keep. + +Bard, the wagon-maker, made me a stretcher, and with a yard of +unbleached muslin, some tacks and white lead, I made a canvas. In the +shop were white lead, lampblack, king's yellow and red lead, with oil +and turpentine. I watched Bard mix paints, and concluded I wanted brown. +Years before, I heard of brown umber, so I got umber and some brushes +and begun my husband's portrait. I hid it when he was there or I heard +any one coming, and once blistered it badly trying to dry it before the +fire, so that it was a very rough work; but it was a portrait, a daub, a +likeness, and the hand was his hand and no other. The figure was +correct, and the position in the chair, and, from the moment I began it, +I felt I had found my vocation. + +What did I care for preachers and theological arguments? What matter who +sent me my bread, or whether I had any? What matter for anything, so +long as I had a canvas and some paints, with that long perspective of +faces and figures crowding up and begging to be painted. The face of +every one I knew was there, with every line and varying expression, and +in each I seemed to read the inner life in the outer form. Oh, how they +plead with me! What graceful lines and gorgeous colors floated around +me! I forgot God, and did not know it; forgot philosophy, and did not +care to remember it; but alas! I forgot to get Bard's dinner, and, +although I forgot to be hungry, I had no reason to suppose he did. He +would willingly have gone hungry, rather than give any one trouble; but +I had neglected a duty. Not only once did I do this, but again and +again, the fire went out or the bread ran over in the pans, while I +painted and dreamed. + +My conscience began to trouble me. Housekeeping was "woman's sphere," +although I had never then heard the words, for no woman had gotten out +of it, to be hounded back; but I knew my place, and scorned to leave it. +I tried to think I could paint without neglect of duty. It did not occur +to me that painting was a duty for a married woman! Had the passion +seized me before marriage, no other love could have come between me and +art; but I felt that it was too late, as my life was already devoted to +another object--housekeeping. + +It was a hard struggle. I tried to compromise, but experience soon +deprived me of that hope, for to paint was to be oblivious of all other +things. In my doubt, I met one of those newspaper paragraphs with which +men are wont to pelt women into subjection: "A man does not marry an +artist, but a housekeeper." This fitted my case, and my doom was sealed. + +I put away my brushes; resolutely crucified my divine gift, and while it +hung writhing on the cross, spent my best years and powers cooking +cabbage. "A servant of servants shall she be," must have been spoken of +women, not negroes. + +Friends have tried to comfort me by the assurance that my life-work has +been better done by the pen, than it could have been with the pencil, +but this cannot be. I have never cared for literary fame; have avoided, +rather than sought it; have enjoyed the abuse of the press more than its +praise; have held my pen with a feeling of contempt for its feebleness, +and never could be so occupied with it as to forget a domestic duty, +while I have never visited a picture gallery, but I have bowed in deep +repentance for the betrayal of a trust. + +Where are the pictures I should have given to the world? Where my record +of the wrongs and outrages of my age; of the sorrows and joys; the +trials and triumphs, that should have been written amid autumn and +sunset glories in the eloquent faces and speaking forms which have +everywhere presented themselves, begging to be interpreted? Why have I +never put on canvas one pair of those pleading eyes, in which are +garnered the woes of centuries? + +Is that Christianity which has so long said to one-half of the race, +"Thou shalt not use any gift of the Creator, if it be not approved by +thy brother; and unto man, not God, thou shalt ever turn and ask, 'What +wilt thou have me to do?'" + +It was not only my art-love which must be sacrificed to my duty as a +wife, but my literary tastes must go with it. "The husband is the head +of the wife." To be head, he must be superior. An uncultivated husband +could not be the superior of a cultivated wife. I knew from the first +that his education had been limited, but thought the defect would be +easily remedied as he had good abilities, but I discovered he had no +love for books. His spiritual guides derided human learning and depended +on inspiration. My knowledge stood in the way of my salvation, and I +must be that odious thing--a superior wife--or stop my progress, for to +be and appear were the same thing. I must be the mate of the man I had +chosen; and if he would not come to my level, I must go to his. So I +gave up study, and for years did not read one page in any book save the +Bible. My religions convictions I could not change, but all other +differences should disappear. + +Mother moved to the city in the spring of 1838, and my health was +rapidly failing. I had rebelled against my mother-in-law, returned her +supplies, and refused to receive anything from her. This brought on a +fearful crisis, in which my husband threatened suicide; but I was firm, +and he concluded to rent the mills and take me away. This he did. His +father lived but a few months, and died on the second anniversary of our +marriage. He lies buried in the ground he donated as "God's acre," with +only this inscription at his head: "John Swisshelm, aged 86." No sign +that he was one of the world's heroes--yet, when our revolution broke +out, his parents had but two children. The oldest enlisted and was +killed, when John caught up his rifle, took his place, and kept it until +the close of the war. He spent the winter in Valley Forge, and once, in +the darkest time, discovered Washington on his knees in a lonely +thicket, praying aloud for his country. This gave him hope, when hope +was well-nigh dead, and he followed his commander across the Jerseys, +one of the two thousand who wrote in blood, from their shoeless feet, +their protest against British rule on the soil they thus consecrated to +Freedom. + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +HABITATIONS OF HORRID CRUELTY.--AGE, 23, 24. + +On the 6th of June, 1838, the white frost lay on the west side of +Pittsburg roofs as we steamed away from her wharf, bound for Louisville, +where my husband proposed going into a business already established by +his brother Samuel. + +On the boat, all the way down the river, the general topic of +conversation was the contrast between the desolate slave-cursed shores +of Kentucky, and the smiling plenty of the opposite bank; but Louisville +was largely settled by Northern people, and was to prove an oasis in the +desert of slavery. + +It lay at the head of the Falls of the Ohio, and the general government +had lately expended large sums in building a canal around them. Henry +Clay was in the zenith of his power, slavery held possession of the +national resources, Louisville might count on favors, and she was to be +Queen City of the West. There was an aspiring little place which fancied +itself a rival, a little boat-landing, without natural advantages, +called Cincinnati, where they killed hogs; but it was quite absurd to +think of her competing with the great metropolis at the head of the +canal. + +I was quite surprised to find there were a good many houses and folks in +Cincinnati; but our boat did not stop long, and we soon reached our +Eldorado. Before we effected a landing at the crowded wharf, I fell to +wondering if a Pittsburg drayman could take a Louisville dray, its load, +its three horses and ragged driver, pile them on his dray, and with his +one horse take them to their destination--and I thought he could. + +Samuel met us, and as we went in a hack to the boarding place he had +engaged. I wondered what had happened that so many men were off work in +the middle of the forenoon. Who or what could they be, those fellows in +shining black broadcloth, each with a stove-pipe hat on the side of his +head, his thumbs in the armholes of a satin vest, displaying a wonderful +glimmer of gold chain and diamond stud, balancing himself first on his +heels and then on his toes, as he rolled a cigar from one side of his +mouth to the other? How did they come to be standing around on corners +and doorsteps by the hundred, like crows on a cornfield fence? + +It was some time before I learned that this was the advance guard of a +great army of woman-whippers, which stretched away back to the Atlantic, +and around the shores of the Gulf of Mexico, and that they were out on +duty as a staring brigade, whose business it was to insult every woman +who ventured on the street without a male protector, by a stare so +lascivious as could not be imagined on American free soil. I learned +that they all lived, in whole or in part, by the sale of their own +children, and the labor of the mothers extorted by the lash. I came to +know one hoary-haired veteran, whose entire support came from the +natural increase and wages of nineteen women, one of whom, a girl of +eighteen, lived with him in a fashionable boarding-house, waited on him +at table, slept in his room, and of whose yearly wages one hundred and +seventy-five dollars were credited on his board bill. + +I learned that none of the shapely hands displayed on the black vests, +had ever used other implement of toil than a pistol, bowie-knife or +slave-whip; that any other tool would ruin the reputation of the owner +of the taper digits; but they did not lose caste by horsewhipping the +old mammys from whose bosoms they had drawn life in infancy. + +Our boarding-house was on Walnut street, one block west of the theatre, +and looked toward the river. On the opposite side of the street stood a +two-story brick house, always closed except when a negress opened and +dusted the rooms. I never saw sadness or sorrow until I saw that face; +and it did not appear except about her work, or when she emerged from a +side gate to call in two mulatto children, who sometimes came out on the +pavement. + +This house belonged to a Northern "mudsill," who kept a grocery, and +owned the woman, who was the mother of five children, of whom he was the +father. The older two he had sold, one at a time, as they became +saleable or got in his way. On the sale of the first, the mother "took +on so that he was obliged to flog her almost to death before she gave +up." But he had made her understand that their children were to be sold, +at his convenience, and that he "would not have more than three little +niggers about the house at one time." + +After that first lesson she had been "reasonable." + +Our hostess, a Kentucky lady, used to lament the loss of two boys--"two +of the beautifulest boys!" + +They were the sons of her bachelor uncle, who had had a passion for +Liza, one of his father's slaves, a tall, handsome quadroon, who +rejected his suit and was in love with Jo, a fellow slave. To punish +both, the young master had Jo tied up and lashed until he fainted, while +Liza was held so that she must witness the torture, until insensibility +came to her relief. This was done three times, when Jo was sold, and +Liza herself bound to the whipping-post, and lashed until she yielded, +and became the mother of those two beautiful boys. + +"But," added her biographer, "she never smiled after Jo was sold, took +consumption and died when her youngest boy was two months old. They were +the beautifulest boys I ever laid eyes on, and uncle sot great store by +them. He couldn't bear to have them out of his sight, and always said he +would give them to me. He would have done it, I know, if he had made a +will; but he took sick sudden, raving crazy, and never got his senses +for one minute. It often took three men to hold him on the bed. He +thought he saw Jo and Liza, and died cursing and raving." + +She paused to wipe away a tear, and added: "The boys were sold down +South. Maybe your way, up North, is best, after all. I never knew a +cruel master die happy. They are sure to be killed, or die dreadful!" + +She had an old, rheumatic cook, Martha, who seldom left her basement +kitchen, except when she went to her Baptist meeting, but for hours and +hours she crooned heart-breaking melodies of that hope within her, of a +better and a happier world. + +She had a severe attack of acute inflammation of the eyelids, which +forcibly closed her eyes, and kept them closed; then she refused to +work. + +Her wages, one hundred and seventy-five dollars a year, were paid to her +owner, a woman, and these went on; so her employer sent for her owner, +and I, as an abolitionist, was summoned to the conference, that I might +learn to pity the sorrows of mistresses, and understand the +deceitfulness of slaves. + +The injured owner sat in the shaded parlor, in a blue-black satin dress, +that might almost have stood upright without assistance from the flesh +or bones inside; with the dress was combined a mass of lace and jewelry +that represented a large amount of money, and the mass as it sat there, +and as I recall it, has made costly attire odious. + +This bedizzoned martyr, this costumer's advertisement, sat and fanned as +she recounted her grievances. Her entire allowance for personal +expenses, was the wages of nine women, and her husband would not give +her another dollar. They, knowing her necessities, were so +ungrateful!--nobody could think how ungrateful; but in all her sorrows, +Martha was her crowning grief. She had had two husbands, and had behaved +so badly when the first was sold. Then, every time one of her thirteen +children were disposed of, she "did take on so;" nobody could imagine +"how she took on!" + +Once, the gentle mistress had been compelled to send her to the +workhouse and have her whipped by the constable; and that cost fifty +cents; but really, this martyr and her husband had grown weary of +flogging Martha. One hated so to send a servant to the public +whipping-post; it looked like cruelty--did cruelty lacerate the feelings +of refined people, and it was so ungrateful in Martha, and all the rest +of them, to torture this fine lady in this rough way. + +As to Martha's ingratitude, there could be no doubt; for, to this, our +hostess testified, and called me to witness, that she had sent her a cup +of tea every day since she had complained of being sick; yes, "a cup of +tea with sugar in it," and yet the old wretch had not gone to work. + +When they had finished the recital of their grievances they came down to +business. The owner would remit two week's wages; after that it was the +business of the employer to pay them, and see that they were earned. If +it were necessary now to send Martha to the whipping-post, the lady in +satin would pay the fifty cents; but for any future flogging, the lady +in lawn must be responsible to the City of Louisville. + +We adjourned to the kitchen where old Martha stood before her judge, +clutching the table with her hard hands, trembling in every limb, her +eyelids swollen out like puff-balls, and offensive from neglect, her +white curls making a border to her red turban, receiving her sentence +without a word. As a sheep before her shearers she was dumb, opening not +her mouth. Those wrinkled, old lips, from which I had heard few sounds, +save those of prayer and praise, were closed by a cruelty perfectly +incomprehensible in its unconscious debasement. Our hostess was a +leading member of the Fourth St. M.E. Church, the other feminine fiend a +Presbyterian. + +I promised the Lord then and there, that for life, it should be my work +to bring "deliverance to the captive, and the opening of the prison to +them that are bound," but all I could do for Martha, was to give her +such medical treatment as would restore her sight and save her from the +whipping-post, and this I did. + +While I lived on that dark and bloody ground, a man was beaten to death +in an open shed, on the corner of two public streets, where the sound of +the blows, the curses of his two tormentors, and his shrieks and +unavailing prayers for mercy were continued a whole forenoon, and sent +the complaining air shuddering to the ears of thousands, not one of whom +offered any help. + +A brown-haired girl, Maria, the educated, refined daughter of a Kentucky +farmer, was lashed by her brutal purchaser, once, and again and again +for chastity, where hundreds who heard the blows and shrieks knew the +cause. From that house she was taken to the work-house and scourged by +the public executioner, backed by the whole force of the United States +government. Oh! God! Can this nation ever, ever be forgiven for the +blood of her innocent children? + +Passing a crowded church on a Sabbath afternoon, I stepped in, when the +preacher was descanting on the power of religion, and, in illustration, +he told of two wicked young men in that state, who were drinking and +gambling on Sunday morning, when one said: + +"I can lick the religion out of any nigger." + +The other would bet one hundred dollars that he had a nigger out of whom +the religion could not be licked. The bet was taken and they adjourned +to a yard. This unique nigger was summoned, and proved to be a poor old +man. His master informed him he had a bet on him, and the other party +commanded him to "curse Jesus?" on pain of being flogged until he did. +The old saint dropped on his knees before his master, and plead for +mercy, saying: + +"Massa! Massa! I cannot curse Jesus! Jesus die for me! He die for you, +Massa. I no curse him; I no curse Jesus!" + +The master began to repent. In babyhood he had ridden on those old bowed +shoulders, then stalwart and firm, and he proposed to draw the bet, but +the other wanted sport and would win the money. Oh! the horrible details +that that preacher gave of that day's sport, of the lashings, and +faintings, and revivals, with washes of strong brine, the prayers for +mercy, and the recurring moan! + +"I no curse Jesus, Massa! I no curse Jesus; Jesus die for me, Massa; I +die for Jesus?" + +As the sun went down Jesus took him, and his merciful master had sold a +worthless nigger for one hundred dollars. But, the only point which the +preacher made, was that one in favor of religion. When it could so +support a nigger, what might it not do for one of the superior race? + +For months I saw every day a boy who could not have been more than ten +years old, but who seemed to be eight, and who wore an iron collar with +four projections, and a hoop or bail up over his head. This had been put +on him for the crime of running away; and was kept on to prevent a +repetition of that crime. The master, who thus secured his property, was +an Elder in the Second Presbyterian church, and led the choir. + +The principal Baptist preacher owned and hired out one hundred slaves; +took them himself to the public mart, and acted as auctioneer in +disposing of their services. The time at which this was done, was in the +Christmas holidays, or rather the last day of the year, when the slaves' +annual week of respite ended. + +A female member of the Fourth St. Methodist church was threatened with +discipline, for nailing her cook to the fence by the ear with a +ten-penny nail. The preacher in charge witnessed the punishment from a +back window of his residence. Hundreds of others witnessed it, called by +the shrieks of the victim; and his reverence protested, on the ground +that such scenes were calculated to injure the church. + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +KENTUCKY CONTEMPT FOR LABOR.--AGE, 23, 24. + +To a white woman in Louisville, work was a dire disgrace, and one +Sabbath four of us sat suffering from thirst, with the pump across the +street, when I learned that for me to go for a pitcher of water, would +be so great a disgrace to the house as to demand my instant expulsion. + +I grew tired doing nothing. My husband's business did not prosper, and I +went to a dressmaker and asked for work. She was a New England woman, +and after some shrewd questions, exclaimed: + +"My dear child, go home to your mother! What does your husband mean? +Does he not know you would be insulted at every step if you work for a +living? Go home--go home to your mother!" + +I was homesick, and the kindness of the voice and eyes made me cry. I +told her I could not leave my husband. + +"Then let him support you, or send you home until he can! I have seen +too many like you go to destruction here. Go home." + +I said that I could never go to destruction, but she interrupted me: + +"You know nothing about it. You are a mere baby. They all thought as you +do. Go home to your mother!" + +"But I never can go to destruction! No evil can befall me, for He that +keepeth Israel slumbers not nor sleeps." + +She concluded to give me work, but said: + +"I will send it by a servant. Don't you come here." + +I never thrust my anti-slavery opinions on any one, but every Southerner +inquired concerning them, and I gave true answers. There were many +boarders in the house, and one evening when there were eighteen men in +the parlor, these questions brought on a warm discussion, when one said: + +"You had better take care how you talk, or we will give you a coat of +tar and feathers." + +I agreed to accept such gratuitous suit, and a Mississippi planter, who +seemed to realize the situation, said gently: + +"Indeed, madam, it is not safe for you to talk as you do." + +"When reminded of constitutional guarantees for freedom of speech, and +his enjoyment of it in my native State, he replied: + +"There is no danger in Pennsylvania from freedom of speech, but if +people were allowed to talk as you do here, it would overthrow our +institutions." + +There were mobs in the air. The mayor closed a Sunday-school, on the +ground that in it slaves were taught to read. The teacher, a New England +woman, denied the charge, and claimed that only free children had been +taught, while slaves were orally instructed to obey their masters, as +good Presbyterians, who hoped to escape the worm that never dies. Her +defense failed, but seemed to establish the right of free colored people +to a knowledge of the alphabet, but there was no school for them, and I +thought to establish one. + +Jerry Wade, the Gault House barber, was a mulatto, who had bought +himself and family, and acquired considerable real estate. In the back +of one of his houses, lived his son with a wife and little daughter. We +rented the front, and mother sent me furniture. This was highly genteel, +for it gave us the appearance of owning slaves, and Olivia, young Wade's +wife, represented herself as my slave, to bring her and her child +security. As a free negro, she labored under many disadvantages, so +begged me to claim her. + +In this house I started my school, and there were no lack of pupils +whose parents were able and willing to pay for their tuition, but +ruffians stood before the house and hooted at the "nigger school." +Threatening letters were sent me, and Wade was notified that his house +would be burned or sacked, if he permitted its use for such purpose. In +one day my pupils were all withdrawn. + +After this, I began to make corsets. It was a joy to fit the superb +forms of Kentucky women, and my art-love found employment in it, but my +husband did not succeed, and went down the river. + +A man came to see if I could give work to his half-sister, for whose +support he could not fully provide. She was a Fitzhugh,--a first +Virginia family. Her father had died, leaving a bankrupt estate. She had +learned dressmaking, and had come with him to Louisville to find work, +but she was young and beautiful, and he dare not put her into a shop, +but thought I might protect her, so she came to live with me. + +One evening an old and wealthy citizen called about work I was doing for +his wife, became interested in me, as a stranger who had seen little of +Louisville, and tendered the use of his theatre-box and carriage to the +young lady and myself. I declined, with thanks. When he had taken leave, +Miss Fitzhugh sprang to her feet, and with burning cheeks and flashing +eyes, demanded to know if I knew that that man had insulted us both. I +did not know, but she did, and would tell Edward, who should cowhide him +publicly. I told her that if Edward attempted that, he would probably +lose his life, and we would certainly be dragged into a police court. +Even if we had been insulted, it only proved that the old man thought we +were like himself--that we were told in the Psalms that wicked men +thought God was like themselves, and did approve their sin, and he did +not have them cowhided. After a moment's reflection she sat down, +exclaiming: + +"Well, you are the strangest woman I ever did see!" + +We never again saw the man, and I hope the incident helped the honest +Edward in his loving task of protecting the fiery Fitzhugh. + +My husband's trip down the river was a failure, and he went back home. +Remembering he had heard me say I could do so much better at +corset-making if I could buy goods at wholesale, he sold his Wilkinsburg +property and turned the proceeds into dry goods. To me this seemed very +unwise, but I tried to make the best of it, and we took a business house +on Fourth street. I cut and fitted dresses, and with a tape-line could +take a measure from which I could make a perfect fit without trying on. +I soon had more work than I could do, and took two new girls, but the +goods were dead stock. My Husband was out of employment, and tried to +assist in my business. He was out most of the day, and in the evening +wanted to retire early. I was busy all day, and could not go out alone +after dark, so came to be a prisoner. + +One warm evening I was walking back and forth in front of our house, +though I knew it a great risk, when a man overtook me, cleared his +throat as if to speak, and passed on to the lamp-post, which had made +one limit of my walk. I did not shorten my path, and when I came up to +the post he again cleared his throat as if to speak, and next time +stepped out, lifted his hat, and remarked: + +"A very pleasant evening, Miss." + +I stopped, looked at him, and said: + +"It is a very pleasant evening; had you not better walk on and enjoy +it?" + +He bowed low, and answered: + +"I beg your pardon, madam. I was mistaken." + +"Pardon for what, sir? It _is_ a very pleasant evening; please to pass +on." + +He did, and I walked till I was tired, thinking of all the sacrifices I +had made to be my husband's housekeeper and keep myself in woman's +sphere, and here was the outcome! I was degrading him from his position +of bread-winner. If it was my duty to keep his house, it must be his to +find me a house to keep, and this life must end. I would go with him to +the poorest cabin, but he must be the head of the matrimonial firm. He +should not be my business assistant. I would not be captain with him for +lieutenant. How to extricate myself I did not see, but extricated I +would be. + +We needed a servant. A Kentucky "gentleman," full six feet three, with +broad shoulders and heavy black whiskers, came to say: "I have a woman I +can let you have! A good cook, good washah and ionah, fust rate +housekeepah! I'll let you have ah for two hundred dollahs a yeah; but +I'll tell you honest, you'll have to hosswhipah youahself about twice a +week, for that wife of youahs could nevah do anything with ah." + +While he talked I looked. His suit was of the finest black broadcloth, +satin vest, a pompous display of chain, seals, studs and rings, his +beaver on the back of his head, his thumbs in the arms of his vest, and +feet spread like the Collossus of Rhodes. + +This new use for Pennsylvania muscle seemed to strike my husband as +infinitely amusing, for he burst out laughing, and informed the +"gentleman" that he did not follow the profession of whipping women, +and must decline his offer. But I wanted to be back on free soil, out of +an atmosphere which killed all manhood, and furnished women-whippers as +a substitute for men. + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +REBELLION.--Age, 24. + +During the late spring and early summer, my letters from home spoke +often of mother's failing health, and in July one came from her saying +her disease had been pronounced cancer, and bidding me come to her. The +same mail brought a letter from Dr. Joseph Gazzam, telling me she was +certainly on her death-bed, and adding: "Let nothing prevent your +coming to your mother at once." + +I was hurt by this call. Was I such a monster that this old family +friend thought it necessary to urge me to go to my dying mother? Stunned +and stupified with grief, I packed my trunk. + +My husband came in at noon, and I handed him the letters. He read them +and expressed surprise and sorrow, and I told him to hurry to the wharf +and see when the first boat started. He thought I should not go until I +heard again. It might not be so bad. Then, after reflecting, said, why +go at all, if there was no hope? Of what use could I be? If there was +hope, he would agree to my going, but as there was none, he must object. +In fact, he did not see how I could think of leaving him with those +goods on his hands. How could I be so ready to drop all and not think of +the consequences, for what could he do with that stock of dry goods. My +mother pretended to be a Christian, but would take me away from my duty. +I, too, read the Bible, but paid little heed to its teachings. He +brought that book and read all of Paul's directions to wives, but rested +his case on Ephesians, v, 22: "Wives submit yourselves unto your own +husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife even as +Christ is head of the church; therefore, as the church is subject unto +Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." + +While he continued his comments, I buried my head in pillows, saying, +"Lord what wilt thou have me to do?" + +Milton epitomized Paul when he made Eve say to Adam, "Be God thy law, +thou mine;" but was that the mind and will of God? Had he transferred +his claim to the obedience of half the human family? Was every husband +God to his wife? Would wives appear in the general judgment at all, or +if they did, would they hand in a schedule of marital commands? + +If the passage meant anything it meant this: One might as well try to +be, and not to be, at the same time, as own allegiance to God and the +same allegiance to man. I was either God's subject or I was not. If I +was not, I owed him no obedience. Christ as head of the church was her +absolute lawgiver, and thus saith the Lord, was all she dare demand. Was +I to obey my husband in that way? If so, I had no business with the +moral law or any other law, save his commands. Christian England had +taken this view, and enacted that a wife should not be punished for any +crime committed by command, or in presence of her husband, "because, +being altogether subject to him, she had no will of her own;" but this +position was soon abandoned, and this passage stamped as spurious. Every +Christian church had so stamped it, for all encouraged wives to join +their communion with or without the consent of their husbands. Thousands +of female martyrs had sealed their testimony with their blood, opposing +the authority of their husbands, and had been honored by the church. As +for me, I must take that passage alone for my Bible, or expunge it. + +Then and there I cast it from me forever, as being no part of divine +law, and thus unconsciously took the first step in breaking through a +faith in plenary inspiration. + +I next turned to the book in general for guidance: "Wives, obey your +husbands;" "Children obey your parents;" "Honor thy father and thy +mother." What a labyrinth of irreconcilable contradictions! God, in +nature, spoke with no uncertain sound, "Go home to your mother," and my +choice was made while my husband talked. + +I said that if he did not see about a boat I would. When he told me that +he had a legal right to detain me, and would exercise it, I assured him +the attempt would be as dangerous as useless, for I was going to +Pittsburg. + +He went out, promising to engage my passage, but staid so long that I +went to the wharf, where respectable women were not seen alone, saw a +boat with a flag out for Pittsburg, engaged a berth, and so left +Louisville. + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH.--AGE, 24, 25. + +Mother was suffering when I reached her, as I had not dreamed of. After +a consultation, Drs. Gazzam and Fahnestock thought she could not live +more than four weeks; but Spear said she might linger three months. This +blanched the cheek of each one. Three months of such unremitting pain, +steadily on the increase, was appalling; but mother faced the prospect +without a murmur, willing to bear by God's grace what He should inflict, +and to wait His good time for deliverance. I was filled with +self-reproach, for I should have been with her months before. + +In a few days my mother-in-law and one of her daughters came to see how +long I proposed to stay, why I had left James with the goods, and when I +would go and take charge of them. They had had a letter from him, and he +was in great trouble. She was gentle and grave--inquired minutely about +our nursing, but thought it expensive--dwelt at length on the folly of +spending time and money in caring for the sick when recovery was +impossible. Mother could not see them, and they were offended, for they +proposed helping to take care of her, that I might return to my duty. + +Some time after the visit of my mother-in-law, her son-in-law--who was a +class-leader and a man of prominence in the community--came with solemn +aspect, took my hand, sighed, and said: + +"I heard you had left James with the goods." Here he sighed again, +wagged his head, and added: + +"But I couldn't believe it!" and without another word turned and walked +away. + +They chose to regard mother's illness as a personal grievance. "The way +of the transgressor is hard;" and she, having sinned against the saints, +must bear her iniquity, and thus suffer the just reward of her deeds. + +I had frequent letters from my husband, and he was waiting on the wharf, +watching every boat for my appearance. I told him before leaving +Louisville, that I never would return--never again would try to live in +a slave State, and advised him to sell the goods at auction, and with +the money start a sawmill up the Allegheny river, and I would go to him. +This advice he resented. At length he grew tired waiting, and came for +me. It is neither possible nor necessary here to describe the trouble +which ensued, but I would not nor did not leave mother, and she at last +remembered the protection to which she was entitled by the city +government. + +With all mother's courage, her moans were heartbreaking. No opiate then +known could bring one half-hour of any sleep in which they ceased, and +in her waking hours the burden of her woe found vent in a low refrain: + +"My Father! is it not enough?" + +Our principal care was to guard her from noise. The click of a knife or +spoon on a plate or cup in the adjoining room, sent a thrill of pain to +her nerve centres. Only two friends were gentle enough to aid Elizabeth +and me in nursing her, as she murmured, constantly: "If my husband were +only here!" + +She could bear no voice in reading save Gabriel Adams' and my own. I +read to her comforting passages of Scripture, and said prayers which +carried her soul up to the throne, and fell back on mine in showers of +dust and ashes. A great black atheism had fallen on me. There was no +justice on earth, no mercy in heaven. + +Her house was in Pittsburg, on Sixth street, a little cottage built for +her father and mother when they were alone. It stood back in a yard, and +rough men in passing stepped lightly--children went elsewhere with their +sports--friends tapped on the gate, and we went out to answer inquiries +and receive supplies--prayers were offered for her in churches, +societies and families. The house was a shrine consecrated by suffering +and sorrow. + +The third month passed, and still she lingered. For seven weeks she took +no nourishment but half a cup of milk, two parts water, per day. Then +her appetite returned and her agony increased, but still with no lament +save: "My Father! Is it not enough?" + +In the sixth month, January 17th, 1840, relief came. As I knelt for her +last words, she said: "Elizabeth?" + +I replied, "She is here, dear mother, what of her?" + +Summoning strength she said: + +"Let no one separate you!" then looked up and said, "It is enough," and +breathed no more. + +As her spirit rose, it broke the cloud, and the divine presence fell +upon me. The room, the world was full of peace. She had been caught up +out of the storm; and "he who endureth unto the end shall be saved." + +By her request, I and a dear friend, Martha Campbell, prepared her body +for burial, and we wrapped her in a linen winding-sheet, as the body of +Christ was buried--no flowers, no decorations; only stern, solemn Death. + +On the last day of father's life he had said to her, "Mary you are +human, and must have faults, but whatever they are I never have seen +them." + +She had been his widow seventeen years, and by her desire we opened his +grave and laid her body to mingle its dust with his, who had been her +only love in the life that now is, and with whom she expected to spend +an eternity. + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +"LABOR--SERVICE OR ACT."--AGE, 25. + +Mother's will left everything to trustees, for the use of Elizabeth and +myself. She had wished my husband to join her in a suit for the recovery +of father's city property, and he refused, but signed a deed with me +conveying my interest to her. This claim she also willed to her trustees +for my use. He felt himself wronged and became angry, but had one +remedy. Being the owner of my person and services, he had a right to +wages for the time spent in nursing mother, and would file his claim +against her executors. + +I do not know why I should have been so utterly overwhelmed by this +proposal to execute a law passed by Christian legislators for the +government of Christian people--a law which had never been questioned by +any nation, or state, or church, and was in full force all over the +world. Why should the discovery of its existence curdle my blood, stop +my heart-beats, and send a rush of burning shame from forehead to +finger-tip? Why should I have blushed that my husband was a law-abiding +citizen of the freest country in the world? Why blame him for acting in +harmony with the canons of every Christian church--aye, of that one of +which I was a member, and proud of its history as a bulwark of civil +liberty? Was it any fault of his that "all that she (the wife) can +acquire by her labor-service or act during coverture, belongs to her +husband?" Certainly not. Yet that law made me shrink and think of +mother's warning, given so long ago. But marriage was a life-contract, +and God required me to keep it to the end, and said, "When thou passeth +through the fire I will be with thee, and the floods shall not overflow +thee." I could not bear to have a bill sent to mother's executors for my +wages, but I could compromise, and I did. + +He returned to Louisville, sold the goods, went on a trading-boat, and +joined Samuel in Little Rock. While he was there Samuel died--died a +Presbyterian, and left this message for me: + +"Tell sister Jane I will meet her in heaven." + +This my husband transmitted to me, and was deeply grieved and much +softened by his brother's death. + +Rev. Isaiah Niblock, of Butler, Pa., a distant relative and very near +friend, asked me to take charge of the Butler Seminary and become his +guest. My salary would be twenty-five dollars a month, and this was +munificent. Elizabeth went to Pittsburg to school, and I to Butler, +where my success was complete and I very happy. Among my pupils were two +daughters of my old patron, Judge Braden. One of these, little Nannie, +was full of pleasant surprises, and "brought down the house" during +examination, by reciting a country girl's account of her presentation at +court, in which occurs this stanza: + + "And there the King and I were standing + Face and face together; + I said, 'How is your Majesty? + It's mighty pleasant weather!'" + +By Nannie's way of giving the lines, they were so fixed on my memory as +to be often mingled with solemn reveries in after years. + +Petitions were presented in the Pennsylvania Legislature for the +abolition of capital punishment. Senator Sullivan, chairman of the +committee to which they were referred, wrote to Mr. Niblock for the +scripture view. He was ill and requested me to answer, which I did, and +Mr. Sullivan drew liberally from my arguments in his report against +granting the petitions. The report was attacked, and I defended it in +several letters published in a Butler paper--anonymously--and this was +my first appearance in print, except a short letter published by George +D. Prentiss, in the Louisville _Journal_, of which I remember nothing, +save the strangeness of seeing my thoughts in print. + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +SWISSVALE.--AGE, 26, 27. + +In April, 1842, my husband took possession of the old home in the +valley, and we went there to live. There were large possibilities in the +old house, and we soon had a pleasant residence. I had the furniture +mother left me, and a small income from her estate. The farm I named +"Swissvale," and such is the name thereof. When the Pennsylvania +railroad was built it ran through it, but not in sight of the house, and +the station was called for the homestead. + +In the summer of '42 I began to write stories and rhymes, under the _nom +de plume_ of "Jennie Deans," for _The Dollar Newspaper_ and _Neal's +Saturday Gazette_, both of Philadelphia. Reece C. Fleeson published an +anti-slavery weekly in Pittsburg, _The Spirit of Liberty_, and for this +I wrote abolition articles and essays on woman's right to life, liberty, +and the pursuit of happiness. My productions were praised, and my +husband was provoked that I did not use my own name. If I were not +ashamed of my articles, why not sign them? He had not given up the idea +that I should preach. Indeed, he held me accountable for most of the +evils in the world, on the ground that I could overthrow them if I +would. + +Elizabeth was married in June, and went to Ohio. In the autumn, my +husband's mother and the boys came to live with us, to which I made no +objection, for "honor thy father and mother" was spoken as much to him +as to me. Maybe I had some spiritual pride in seeing that she turned +from her converted daughters, who were wealthy and lived near, to make a +home with unregenerate me. She liked my housekeeping, and "grandmother," +as I always called her, with her white 'kerchiefs and caps, sitting by +the fireplace plying her knitting-needles, became my special pride. + +My husband had converted the Louisville goods into one panther, one +deer, two bears, and a roll of "wildcat" money. It was not very good +stock with which to begin life on a farm, but the monotony was relieved +by a hooking, kicking cow, and a horse which broke wagons to splinters. + +Tom, the panther, was domiciled in the corner made by the old stone +chimney and the log wall of the house, close to the path which led to +the garden. The bears were chained in the meadow behind the house and +Billy, the deer, ranged at will. Tom and the bears ate pigs and poultry +so fast that we gave up trying to raise any, while Billy's visits to the +garden did not improve the vegetables. I tried to establish some control +over Tom, as a substitute for the fear he felt for his master, who was +not always within call, and who insisted that Tom could be tamed so as +to serve the place of a watchdog. Tom had been quite obedient for Tom, +and my terror for him had abated. + +I was interested in the heathen of India, and was president of a society +which met in Pittsburg. Coming home from a meeting, I was thrown out of +a buggy and so badly hurt that I was kept in bed six weeks. When I began +to go out on crutches, I started to go to the garden, and forgot Tom +until I heard him growl. He lay flat, with his nose on his paws, his +tail on the ground straight as a ramrod, save a few inches at the tip, +which wagged slowly, his eyes green and fiery, and I not three feet from +his head, and just in reach, even if his chain held; but I had seen it +break in one of those springs which he was now preparing to make. There +was no help near! He would spring for my head and shoulders. If these +were out of his way, he could not hold me by my dress which, was a thin +muslin wrapper. He was not likely to leap until something moved, and +might lie there sometime. I had heard that a panther will not jump under +the gaze of a human eye, so I looked steadily into his, while I talked +to him. + +"Tom! Tom! Down sir," and so tried to recall his knowledge of me. + +Fortunately my feet were a little in advance of my crutches, and while I +looked and talked, holding my body motionless, I was planting my +crutches and throwing my weight on my well foot. I heard the girl coming +out of the house and knew the time had come. With all my strength I +swung myself backward as he made the leap. His hot breath rushed into my +face, his fiery eyes glared close to mine, but his chain was too short. +Then I knew I had no mission for taming panthers. From the first I had +feared that he would kill some child, and it was impossible to prevent +them trooping to see him. After my own narrow escape I protested so +strongly against keeping him, that my husband consented to sell him to a +menagerie; but those which came were supplied with panthers, and, +although he was a splendid specimen, full nine feet long, no sale was +found for him. + +That adventure supplied memory with a picture, which for long years +breathed and never was absent. If it was not before me it was in some +corner, and I knew Tom was crouched to spring on me; his fiery eyes +glared, the tip of his tail wagged, and he was waiting, only waiting for +me to move. Often when I woke at night, he was on my bed or in a corner +of the room. He was hidden in fence corners and behind bushes on the +roadside, and Mary's little lamb was never half so faithful as my +phantom panther. + +My husband could not understand the fear I felt, nor realize the danger +of keeping him. He enjoyed his own mastery over him, and with a box on +the side of the head he made Tom whine and crouch like a spaniel. I have +often wondered that in all the accounts I have ever read of lights with +wild animals, no one ever planted a good fist-blow under the ear of his +four-legged antagonist, and so stretch it out stiff to await his +leisure in disposing of it. + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +WILLOWS BY THE WATER-COURSES.--AGE, 27. + +Pennsylvania customs made it unmanly for a man or boy to aid any woman, +even mother or wife, in any hard work with which farms abounded at that +time. Dairy work, candle and sausage making were done by women, and any +innovation was met with sneers. I stubbornly refused to yield altogether +to a time-honored code, which required women to perform outdoor +drudgery, often while men sat in the house, and soon had the sympathy of +our own boys; for it was often impossible to obtain any domestic help, +though Pittsburg "charitable" people supported hundreds of women in +idleness who might have had homes and wages in farmhouses. + +Much of the natural beauty of Swissvale had been destroyed by pioneer +improvements, which I sought in some degree to replace. I loved the +woods, and with my little grubbing-hoe transplanted many wild and +beautiful things. This my mother-in-law did not approve, as her love for +the beautiful was satisfied by a flower border in the garden. One day +she said: + +"James, I would not have that willow in that corner. The roots will get +into the race. It is the real basket willow, and if you cut it into +stubs and stick them in the swamp, you can sell enough willow to buy all +your baskets." + +I replied: + +"Grandmother, you forget that is my tree; I want it to drape that bare +knoll. The roots will run below the bed of the race. The boys can get +plenty of stubs at Flemming's." + +She only replied by a "humph!" and next day I discovered my tree had +been sawed into pieces and planted in the swamp. Words would not restore +it, and I wasted none; but next morning rose early, and, hatchet in +hand, went to the parent tree, climbed on a fence and cut off a limb, +which I dragged home, feeling glad that anything had brought me a walk +on such a glorious morning. I planted the main stock in that corner, +then put about a hundred twigs in the swamp for basket willow. In a few +days my second tree disappeared, and I brought another, for a tree there +was indispensable, and I hoped to make my husband see as I did, and +thought I had won his consent to willows. So I went up and down the race +and runs, putting in twigs, and thinking of the "willows by the +watercourses," and Israel's lament: + + "By Babel's streams we sat and wept + When Zion we thought on, + In midst thereof we hanged our harps + The willow trees upon." + +I was banished from my Zion, never permitted to hear the teachings of my +old pastor, for which my soul panted as the thirsty hart for the water +brooks, and in my Babylon I wanted willows. Some of my plantings were +permitted to remain, and Swissvale is now noted for its magnificent +willows; but that main tree was chopped up and burned. In its stead I +planted a young chestnut, where it still stands, a thing of beauty and +joy to the boys. + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +THE WATERS GROW DEEP.--AGE, 29. + +The plans for my conversion seemed to be aided by our coming to the +farm, as I fitted up the "prophet's chamber" to entertain my husband's +friends in his house. There were two preachers in the circuit. The +eldest, a plain, blunt man, began on his first visit to pelt me with +problems about "man-made ministers" and Calvinism. I replied by citing +the election of Abraham, Jacob, and the entire Jewish nation, and by +quoting the 8th chapter of Romans, until he seemed to despair and came +no more, for they could not accept my hospitality while I refused their +religion. The other circuit rider was young, handsome and zealous, and +was doing a great work in converting young girls. On his first visit I +thought him rude. On his second, he inquired at table: + +"Is this the place where they put onions into everything?" + +I replied that we used none in tea or coffee. When I joined him and my +husband in the parlor, he waved his hand around the room to point out +its decorations and said: + +"Brother James tells me that this is all your work. It is quite +wonderful, and now, sister, what a pity it is that you will not turn +your attention to religion. You seem to do everything so well." + +He motioned as if to lay his hand on my shoulder. I drew back and said: + +"Excuse me, sir, but I am not your sister; and as for your religion you +remind me with it of Doctor Jaynes and his hair tonic." + +"How so, sister?" + +"Again pardon, but I am not your sister. Doctor Jaynes uses a large part +of his column to persuade us that it is good to have good hair. No one +disputes that, and he should prove that his tonic will bring good hair. +So you talk of the importance of religion. No one disputes this, and it +is your business to prove that the nostrum you peddle is religion. I say +it is not. It is a system of will worship. Religion is obedience to +God's law. You teach people that they can, and do, obey this law +perfectly, while they do not know it. Your church has no bibles in her +pews, few in her families, and these unread. Preachers and all, not one +in twenty can repeat the ten commandments. You are blind leaders of the +blind, and must all fall into the ditch, destroyed for lack of +knowledge!" + +That week he proposed to abandon the Swissvale meeting-house, and build +one in Wilkinsburg, giving as a reason the impossibility of keeping up +a congregation with me on the farm. + +Next Conference sent Rev. Henderson as presiding elder, who brought in a +new era. He slept in the "prophet's chamber," admired my pretty rooms, +and said nothing about my getting religion. The circuit preacher was of +the same mind, an earnest, modest, young man, wrestling with English +grammar, who on his first visit sought my help about adverbs, while my +mother-in-law looked on in evident displeasure. + +To her this was the dawn of that new day, in which the Methodist church +rivals all others in her institutions of learning. The good time of +inspiration was slipping away. What wonder that she clutched it as Jacob +did his angel? There in that house she had for long years been an oracle +to inspired men, and now to see God's Spirit displaced by Kirkham's +grammar was rank infidelity. The Wilkinsburg meeting-house was being +built, and that one which had been to her all that the temple ever was +to Solomon, would be left to the owls and bats--her Zion desolate. Those +walls, made sacred by visions of glory and shouts of triumph, would +crumble to ruin in the clinging silence. How could she but think that +the influence was evil which could bring such result? + +The new building was consecrated with much ceremony. The two Hendersons +staid with, us, and on Sabbath morning consulted me as to the best way +of taking up subscriptions. Mother-in-law looked on till she could bear +it no longer, and said: + +"Brother Henderson, if you mean to be in time for love feast, you must +not stay fooling there." + +Both men sprang to their feet, hurried away and never returned. + +General Conference at its session in Baltimore, in 1840, passed the +"Black Gag" law, which forbade colored members of the church to give +testimony in church-trials against white members, in any state where +they were forbidden to testily in courts. Four members of the Pittsburg +Conference voted for it, and when my husband returned from the +dedication, I learned that three of them had figured prominently in the +exercises, and he had refused to commune on account of their +ministrations. + +Everything went smoothly for ten days, when my husband came to our room, +where I sat writing, threw himself on the bed and poured out such a +torrent of accusations as I had not dreamed possible, and of which I +refrain from giving any adequate description. I looked up and saw that +he was livid with rage. His words appeared the ravings of a mad man, yet +there was method in them, and no crime in the calendar with which they +did not charge me. Butter money was not accounted for, pickles and +preserves missing, things about the house were going to destruction, the +country was full of falsehoods and I had told them all. It was all a +blur of sound and fury, but in it stood out these words: + +"You ruined Samuel, and now you are trying to ruin the boys and those +two fool preachers. People know it, too, and I am ashamed to show my +face for the talk." + +When he seemed to have finished, I asked: + +"How long since you learned my real character?" + +This spurred him to new wrath, and he exclaimed: + +"There now, that's the next of it. You will go and tell that I've abused +you. It's not me. I never suspected your honesty, but my mother, yes, my +poor old mother. I would not care, if you could only behave yourself +before my mother!" + +I sat leaning my elbows on my table with my head in my hands, and the +words "ruined Samuel" became a refrain. I thought of the danger out of +which I had plucked him while in Louisville, of the force with which I +had grappled him with hooks of steel, as he hung on the outer edge of +that precipice of dissipation, while I clung to the Almighty Arm for +help. I thought of the tears and solemnity with which this man had given +to me the dying message of that rescued brother. Earth seemed to be +passing away, and to leave no standing room. I was teaching school in +the abandoned meeting-house. It was noon recess and I must hurry or be +late. I passed into the hall and out of the house, with the thought "I +cross his threshold now for the last time;" but I must remain near and +finish my school, when I would be present to meet those monstrous +charges before the world. My reveries did not interfere with my school +duties, and when they were over I sat in the old meeting-house or walked +its one aisle, with the quiet dead lying all around me, thinking of that +good fight which I should fight, ere I finished my course, and lay down +to rest as they did. But the sun went down, the long twilight drew on +the coming night, and I was homeless. Where should I go? + +I thought of the Burkhammers, whose little son lay among the dead beside +me. I had tended him in his last illness and prepared his body for +burial. They were German tenants of Judge Wilkins and to reach their +house I must pass through the dark valley over which now lay a new pall. +There were lights in the house as I passed, and Tom rattled his chain +and gave forth one of those shrieks which pierced the air for a mile. I +was glad to know that he was not loose, and that it was only my phantom +which crouched in every available place, ready to spring. The bears +bellowed a response to his shriek, but I did not hasten. The stream, so +loud and angry on that night of my first entrance into this vale of +tears, was now low, and sang a lullaby of angelic music as I crossed it +on stepping stones. On the hillside it was almost as dark as that night +when Father Olever stopped and felt for the bank with his whip. + +The Burkhammers asked no questions, and I went to sleep without giving +any account of my strange visit, but about midnight I awoke myself and +the whole family by my sobs. They gathered around my bed, and I must +tell. What I said I do not know, but the old man interrupted me with: + +"Oh tamm Jim. You stay here mit us. My old woman und me, we has blenty. +We dakes care of you. Nopody never said nodding bad about you. Everypody +likes you, caus you is bleasant mit everypody." + +As he talked he drew his sleeve across his eyes, while his wife and +daughter comforted me. I would board there and finish my school, then go +to Butler and take the seminary, or a place in the common school. + +I saw no one as I passed my late home next morning. In school the first +exercise was bible, reading verse about with the pupils. The xxv (25) +chapter of Matthew came in order, and while reading its account of the +final judgment, I saw as by a revelation why this trouble had been sent +to me, and a great flood of light seemed thrown across my path before +me. + +Christ's little ones were sick and in prison, and I had not visited +them! Old Martha, standing before her judges, rose up to upbraid me! I +was to have followed the Lamb, and had been making butter to add to an +estate larger now than the owner could use. No wonder she thought I +stole the money. I, who had failed to rebuke man-stealing, might steal +anything. That meeting-house which I had been helping to build by +entertaining its builders and aiding them about subscriptions, it and +they were a part of a great man-thieving machine. I had been false to +every principle of justice; had been decorating parlors when I should +have been tearing down prisons! _I_, helping Black Gagites build a +church! + + "When thou a thief didst see + Thou join'st with him in sin."' + +Thinking, reaching out for the path to that bastile which I must attack, +I went on with my school duties until my husband walked in and asked why +I had not been at home. I was worn with intense strain, and at the word +home, burst into a passion of tears. I told the pupils to take their +books, and leave, there would be no more school, and I could hear them +go around on tip-toe and whisper. Twice a pair of little arms were +thrown around me, and the sound of the retreating footsteps died away +when my husband laid his hand all trembling on my head. I threw it off +and begged him to go away, his presence would kill me. He would not go, +and I went out into the woods. He followed, and said he had never +charged me with an evil thought, much less an action, was the most +loving of husbands and the most injured in that I had thought he had +found fault with me. He might have spoken a hasty word, but was it right +to lay it up against him? I still begged him to leave--that I should +die if he did not. He went, and I crossed the fields to the house of +Thomas Dickson, thinking that from it I could get to the city by the +river road and fly any where. + +Mrs. Dickson made me go to bed, as I was able to go no where else, and +here my husband's brother-in-law found me. He had come as peace-maker, +and could not think what it all meant; some angry words of James about +his mother, who would now go back to live with him. The Dicksons joined +him with entreaties. If my husband had injured me, he was very, very +sorry, was quite overwhelmed with grief for the pain he had cost me. +Then they brought down the lever of scripture and conscience: "If thy +brother offend thee seventy times seven," and I yielded. + +My husband came and I went home with him that evening, expecting that my +mother-in-law was installed in her new home on the hill; but she met and +kissed me at the door, and I did not care. Nothing could add to the +shudder of going into the house, and she seemed so grieved and +frightened that my heart was touched, and I was sorry for her that we +had ever met. + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +MY NAME APPEARS IN PRINT.--AGE, 29. + +It was the third morning after my return, that my head would not leave +the pillow. Dr. Carothers came and blistered me from head to feet, and +for three weeks I saw no one but my attendants and my phantom panther. +He never left me. There was one corner of the room in which he stayed +most, and sometimes there was not room for his tail to wag, and then he +moved forward where I could not see his head. This troubled me, for then +I could not hold him with my eyes. At night they were two balls of green +fire; but they had always been, only when I was well I could turn my +head away, now I could not move it. I knew most of the time it was a +shadow from my brain, but was glad to hear Tom's chain rattle and feel +sure it was not his very self. + +They nursed me carefully, and I lay thinking of the "little ones sick +and in prison." Old Martha came and plead with me. I saw Liza and Maria +under the lash for the crime of chastity, and myself the accomplice of +their brutal masters. I pictured one of them a member of the M.E. +Church, appealing to that church for redress and spurned under the +"Black Gag," and I? why I had been helping men who voted for it to build +a meeting-house! What was Peter's denial compared to mine? + +The case arranged itself in my mind. I had writing materials brought, +and there, with my head fast on the pillow, I wrote a hexameter rhyme +half a column long, arraigning by name those Black Gag preachers, +painting the scene, and holding them responsible. I signed my initials, +and sent it to Mr. Fleeson, with a note telling him to give my name if +it was inquired for. + +Our "Spirit" did not come that week; but soon my husband came to my room +with a copy of "The Pittsburg Gazette," in which was an editorial and +letter full of pious horror and denunciation of that article, and +giving my name as the author; so that we knew Mr. Fleeson had published +the name in full. This was my first appearance in print over my own +signature, and while I was shocked, my husband was delighted, even +though he knew a libel suit was threatened. I soon went to Pittsburg, +saw William Elder and John A. Wills, the only anti-slavery lawyers in +the city. They said the article was actionable, for it had brought those +men into contempt. Elder added: "They are badly hurt, or they would not +cry out so loud." + +Both tendered their gratuitous services for my defense. In a civil suit +we could prove the truth of the charge, and they could get nothing, for +my husband owned no property--everything belonged to his mother--and my +trustees could not be held for my misdeeds. Their action would doubtless +be criminal, and I would probably be imprisoned. I went home and wrote a +reply to the _Gazette_, which it refused to publish, but it appeared in +the _Spirit_. I reiterated, urged and intensified my charges against +these false priests, until they were dumb about their injuries and libel +suit, but of that original article I never could get a copy. Every one +had been sold and resold, and read to rags, before I knew it was in +print. + +I continued to write for the "Spirit," but still there did not seem to +be anything I could do for the slave. As soon as I was able to be about +the house, I fell into my old round of drudgery, but with hope and pride +shut out of it. Once my burden pressed so that I could not sleep, and +rose at early dawn, and sat looking over the meadow, seeing nothing but +a dense, white fog. I leaned back, closed my eyes and thought how like +it was to my own life. When I looked again, oh, the vision of glory +which, met my sight! + +The rising sun had sent, through an opening in the woods, a shaft of +light, which centred on a hickory tree that stood alone in the meadow, +and was then in the perfection of its golden autumn glory. It dripped +with moisture, blazed and shimmered. The high lights were diamond +tipped, and between them and the deepest shadow was every tint of orange +and yellow, mingled and blended in those inimitable lines of natural +foliage. Over it, through it, and around it, rolled the white fog, in +great masses, caressing the earth and hanging from the zenith, like the +veil of the temple of the Most High. All around lay the dark woods, +framing in the vision like serried ranks encompassing a throne, to which +great clouds rolled, then lifted and scudded away, like couriers coming +for orders and hastening to obey them. + +John's New Jerusalem never was so grand! No square corners and +forbidding walls. The gates were not made of several solid pearls, but +of millions of pearletts, strung on threads of love, offering no +barriers through which any soul might not pass. My Patmos had been +visited and I could dwell in it, work and wait; but I would live in it, +not lie in a tomb, and once more I took hold of life. + +I organized a society at which we read, had refreshments and +danced--yea, broke church rules and practiced promiscuous dancing minus +promiscuous kissing. Of course this was wicked. I roamed the woods, +brought wild flowers and planted them, set out berry bushes, and +collected a large variety of roses and lilies. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +MEXICAN WAR.--AGE, 30-32. + +James G. Birney was the presidential candidate of the "Liberty Party" in +1844, as he had been in '40. During the campaign I wrote under my +initials for _The Spirit of Liberty_, and exposing the weak part of an +argument soon came to be my recognized forte. For using my initials I +had two reasons--my dislike and dread of publicity and the fear of +embarrassing the Liberty Party with the sex question. Abolitionists were +men of sharp angles. Organizing them was like binding crooked sticks in +a bundle, and one of the questions which divided them was the right of +women to take any prominent part in public affairs. + +In that campaign, the great Whig argument against the election of Polk +was, that it would bring on a war with Mexico for the extension of +slavery, and when the war came, Whigs and Liberty Party men vied with +each other in their cry of "Our Country, right or wrong!" and rushed +into the army over every barrier set up by their late arguments. The +nation was seized by a military madness, and in the furore, the cause of +the slave went to the wall, and _The Spirit of Liberty_ was +discontinued. Its predecessor, _The Christian Witness_, had failed under +the successive management of William Burleigh, Dr. Elder, and Rev. +Edward Smith, three giants in those days, and there seemed no hope that +any anti-slavery paper could be supported in Pittsburg, while all +anti-slavery matter was carefully excluded from both religious and +secular press. It was a dark day for the slave, and it was difficult to +see hope for a brighter. To me, it seemed that all was lost, unless some +one were especially called to speak that truth, which alone could make +the people free, but certainly I could not be the messenger. + +For years there had ran through my head the words, "Open thy mouth for +the dumb, plead the cause of the poor and needy." The streams sang them, +the winds shrieked them, and now a trumpet sounded them, but the words +could not mean more than talking in private. I would not, could not, +believe they meant more, for the Bible in which I read them bid me be +silent. My husband wanted me to lecture as did Abbey Kelley, but I +thought this would surely be wrong. The church had silenced me so +effectuately, that even now all my sense of the great need of words +could not induce me to attempt it; but if I could "plead the cause" +through the press, I must write. Even this was dreadful, as I must use +my own name, for my articles would certainly be libelous. If I wrote at +all, I must throw myself headlong into the great political maelstrom, +and would of course be swallowed up like a fishing-boat in the great +Norway horror which decorated our school geographies; for no woman had +ever done such a thing, and I could never again hold up my head under +the burden of shame and disgrace which would be heaped upon me. But what +matter? I had no children to dishonor; all save one who had ever loved +me were dead, and she no longer needed me, and if the Lord wanted some +one to throw into that gulf, no one could be better spared than I. + +_The Pittsburg Commercial Journal_ was the leading Whig paper of western +Pennsylvania, Robert M. Riddle, its editor and proprietor. His mother +was a member of our church, and I thought somewhere in his veins must +stir anti-slavery blood. So I wrote a letter to the _Journal_, which +appeared with an editorial disclaimer, "but the fair writer should have +a hearing." This letter was followed by another, and they continued to +appear once or twice a week during several months. + +I do not remember whom I attacked first, but from first to last my +articles were as direct and personal as Nathan's reproof to David. Of +slavery in the abstract I knew nothing. There was no abstraction in +tying Martha to a whipping-post and scourging her for mourning the loss +of her children. The old Kentucky saint who bore the torture of lash and +brine all that bright Sabbath day, rather than "curse Jesus," knew +nothing of the abstraction of slavery, or the finespun theories of +politeness which covered the most revolting crimes with pretty words. +This great nation was engaged in the pusillanimous work of beating poor +little Mexico--a giant whipping a cripple. Every man who went to the +war, or induced others to go, I held as the principal in the whole list +of crimes of which slavery was the synonym. Each one seemed to stand +before me, his innermost soul laid bare, and his idiosyncrasy I was sure +to strike with sarcasm, ridicule solemn denunciations, old truths from +Bible and history and the opinions of good men. I had a reckless +abandon, for had I not thrown myself into the breach to die there, and +would I not sell my life at its full value? + +My style I caught from my crude, rural surroundings, and was familiar to +the unlearned, and I was not surprised to find the letters eagerly read. +The _Journal_ announced them the day before publication, the newsboys +cried them, and papers called attention to them, some by daring to +indorse, but more by abusing Mr. Riddle for publishing such unpatriotic +and "incendiary rant." In quoting the strong points, a venal press was +constrained to "scatter the living coals of truth." The name was held to +be a _nom de plume_, for in print it looked so unlike the common +pronunciation of that of one of the oldest families in the county that +it was not recognized. Moreover, it must be a disguise adopted by some +man. Wiseacres, said one of the county judges. No western Pennsylvania +woman had ever broken out of woman's sphere. All lived in the very +centre of that sacred enclosure, making fires by which, husbands, +brothers and sons sat reading the news; each one knowing that she had a +soul, because the preacher who made his bread and butter by saving it +had been careful to inform her of its existence as preliminary to her +knowledge of the indispensable nature of his services. + +But the men whom I ridiculed and attacked knew the hand which, held the +mirror up to nature, and also knew they had a legal remedy, and that to +their fines and imprisonment I was as indifferent as to their opinions. +One of these, Hon. Gabriel Adams, had taken me by the hand at father's +funeral, led me to a stranger and introduced me as: + +"The child I told you of, but eight years old, her father's nurse and +comforter." + +He had smoothed my hair and told me not to cry; God would bless me for +being a good child. He was a member of the session when I joined church; +his voice in prayer had soothed mother's hard journey through the dark +valley; and now, as mayor of the city, had ordered its illumination in +honor of the battle of Buena Vista, and this, too, on Saturday evening, +when the unholy glorification extended into the Sabbath. Measured by the +standards of his profession as an elder in the church, whose highest +judicatory had pronounced slavery and Christianity incompatible; no one +was more valuable than he, and of none was I so unsparing, yet as I +wrote, the letter was blistered with tears; but his oft repeated comment +was: + +"Jane is right," and he went out of his way to take my hand and say, +"You were right." + +Samuel Black, a son of my pastor, dropped his place as leader of the +Pittsburg bar and rushed to the war. My comments were thought severe, +even for me, yet the first intimation I had that I had not been cast +aside as a monster, came from his sister, who sent me a message that her +father, her husband and herself, approved my criticism. Samuel returned +with a colonel's commission, and one day I was about to pass him without +recognition, where he stood on the pavement talking to two other +lawyers, when he stepped before me and held out his hand. I drew back, +and he said: "Is it possible you will not take my hand?" + +I looked at it, then into his manly, handsome face, and answered: + +"There is blood on it; the blood of women and children slain at their +own altars, on their own hearthstones, that you might spread the +glorious American institution of woman-whipping and baby-stealing." + +"Oh," he exclaimed, "This is too bad! I swear to you I never killed a +woman or a child." + +"Then you did not fight in Mexico, did not help to bombard Buena Vista." + +His friends joined him, and insisted that I did the Colonel great wrong, +when he looked squarely into my face and, holding out his hand, said: + +"For sake of the old church, for sake of the old man, for sake of the +old times, give me your hand." + +I laid it in his, and hurried away, unable to speak, for he was the most +eloquent man in Pennsylvania. He fell at last at the head of his +regiment, while fighting in the battle of Fair Oaks, for that freedom he +had betrayed in Mexico. + +When Kossuth was on his starring tour in this country, he used to create +wild enthusiasm by "Your own late glorious struggle with Mexico;" but +when he reached that climax in his Pittsburg speech a dead silence fell +upon the vast, cheering audience. + +The social ostracism I had expected when I stepped into the political +arena, proved to be Bunyan lions. Instead of shame there came such a +crop of glory that I thought of pulling down my barns and building +greater, that I might have where to store my new goods. Among the press +notices copied by the _Journal_ was this: + +"The _Pittsburg Commercial Journal_ has a new contributor who signs her +name 'Jane G. Swisshelm,' dips her pen in liquid gold, and sands her +paper with the down from butterflies' wings." + +This troubled me, because it seemed as though I had been working for +praise; still the pretty compliment gratified me. + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +TRAINING SCHOOL. + +Paul fought with beasts at Ephesus, as a part of his training for that +"good fight" with principalities and powers and iniquity in high places, +and I think that Tom and the bears helped to prepare me for a long +conflict with the southern tiger. I had early come to think that Tom +would kill some of the children who trooped to see him, and that I +should be responsible as I alone saw the danger. This danger I sought to +avert, but how to dispose of the beautiful creature I could not +conjecture. There was usually a loaded gun in the house, but I was +almost as much afraid of it as of Tom. All our neighbors were delighted +with him and loath to have him killed. I had once tried to poison a cat +but failed, and I would not torture Tom. I wanted Dr. Palmer to give me +a dose for him, but he declined. I tried in vain to get some one to +shoot him. Then I thought of striking the great beast on the head with a +hatchet, while he had hold of some domestic animal. The plan seemed +feasible, but I kept my own council and my hatchet, and practiced with +it until I could hit a mark, and thought I could bury the sharp blade +in Tom's skull. + +One day, all the men were in the meadow making hay, and I alone getting +dinner. John McKelvey came with his great dog, Watch. He went up into +the meadow, and Watch staid in the kitchen. I started to go to the +garden for parsley, and found Tom crouched to spring on a cow. He made +the leap, came short of the cow, which ran away bellowing with terror, +and Tom had but touched the ground when Watch sprang upon him. It was a +sight for an amphitheatre. The two great creatures rolled in a struggle, +which I knew must be fatal to Watch, but thought he could engage Tom's +attention until I got my hatchet. I ran back for it, took the +dinner-horn and blew a blast that would bring one man, and I did not +want a thousand. Then I ran back to the scene of conflict, horn in one +hand, hatchet in the other, and lo! no conflict was there. No Tom! no +dog! nothing but the torn and bloody ground. Horror of horrors, there +was a broken chain! Tom loose! Tom free! Now some one would be murdered. +I turned to look, and there on a log not a rod from me, he stood with +head erect and tail drooping, his white throat, jaws and broken chain +dripping with blood, and with my first thankfulness that he had not +escaped, came admiration for the splendid sight: the bold, sweeping +curves and graceful motion as he turned his head to listen. Then I +learned panthers went by sound, not scent. I blew another blast on the +horn and went toward him, for I must not lose sight of him. If he +attacked me, could I defend myself with the hatchet? When they found me +I would be horrible to look upon, and it would kill Elizabeth. Will my +peas burn? The flies will get into that pitcher of cream. If I am +killed, they will forget to put parsley in the soup. Tom changed his +weight from one fore-claw to the other, and gnashed his teeth. "Here, +the king and I are standing face and face together; King Tom, how is +your majesty, it's mighty pleasant weather." + +So ran my thoughts in the intense strain of that waiting. It must be +full ten minutes before Tom's master could get to the house after that +first blast, and if he did not hear that, must be too late; but Tom kept +his place and my husband rushed by me, carrying the pitchfork with which +he had been at work, and I saw no more until Tom was in his cage. Watch +had dragged himself to his master's feet to die, and I went into the +house and finished getting dinner, more than ever afraid of Tom and more +than ever at a loss to know how to get rid of him. Yet he still lived +and rattled his chain by the garden path, but it was a year before our +next adventure. + +One summer morning at sunrise I was shocked out of sleep by shrieks and +shouts and scurrying feet. I sprang out of bed and rushed into the hall +in time to see Tom dash out of it into the dining-room, mother-in-law +and the girl disappearing up stairs and the two hired men through the +barn door. My husband soon followed Tom, who had taken refuge under a +large heavy falling-leaf table, and seemed inclined to stay there. This +time his collar was broken and feeling the advantage he paid no heed to +the hand or voice of his quandom master. He would not move, but growled +defiance, and the table protected him from a blow under the ear, so his +late master became utterly nonplussed. If the cage were there, the great +beast would probably go into it, but how get it there? The wealth of +India would not have induced one of those men to come out of that barn, +or one of those women to come down those stairs. + +Something must be done, and I proposed to hold Tom while my husband +brought the cage. He hesitated. I was not in good fighting trim, for my +hair which was long and heavy had fallen loose, but preparation could +avail nothing. The only hope lay in perfect coolness and a steady gaze. +I knelt and took hold of Tom by the back of the neck, talked to him and +thought that cage was long in coming. He shifted his weight and seemed +about to get up. This meant escape, and I held him hard, commanding him +to "lie down, sir." He blinked at me, seemed quite indifferent and +altogether comfortable. By and by, the man who had ceased to be master +returned without the cage, utterly demoralized; and was here without a +weapon, without a plan. I resigned my place and told him I would bring a +rope. This I intended to do, and also my hatchet. + +I had but gotten half way to the front door when there was a scuffle, +the loud voice of my husband, shrieks up stairs, rattling of furniture +and crashing of glass, and when I got back to the room I saw the tip of +Tom's tail disappearing. He had gone through the window and taken the +sash with him. He ran into his cage, and that was his last taste of +liberty; but he lived a year after, chained in a corn crib. Every +evening in the gloaming he would pace back and forth, raise his kingly +head, utter his piercing shriek, then stop and hark for a response; walk +again, shriek and listen, while the bears would bellow an answer. + +The bears, too, were often exciting and interesting. Once I rescued a +toddling child when running towards "big bear," and not more than two +feet from where he stood waiting with hungry eyes. At another time, they +both broke loose, on a bitter cold day when I was alone in the house. I +defended myself with fire, meeting them at every door and window with a +hickory brand. I wondered as they went round and round the house, if +they would stop in the chimney corner, and make the acquaintance of Tom; +but they took no notice of him, and after they had eaten several buckets +of porridge, they concluded there was nothing in the house they wanted, +so became good natured and went and climbed a tree. + +Such schoolmasters must have imparted a flavor of savagery to my Mexican +war letters, which attracted readers as they did visitors. + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +RIGHTS OF MARRIED WOMEN. + +After mother's death, I prosecuted to a successful issue a suit for the +recovery of the house in which I was born. It stood on Water street, +near Market, and our lawyer, Walter Lowrie, afterwards supreme judge, +was to have given us possession of the property on the 1st of July, +1845, which would add eight hundred dollars a year to the income of my +sister and myself. But on the 10th of April, the great fire swept away +the building and left a lot bearing ground rent. Property rose and we +had a good offer for the lease. Every one was willing to sell, but the +purchasers concluded that both our husbands must sign the deed. To this +no objection was made, and we met, in William Shinn's office, when my +husband refused to sign unless my share of the purchase money were paid +to him. + +Mother's will was sacred to me. The money he proposed to put in +improvements on the Swissvale mills. These, in case of his death before +his mother, would go to his brothers. I had not even a dower right in +the estate, and already the proceeds of my labor and income from my +separate estate were put upon it. I refused to give him the money, and +on my way alone from the lawyer's office it occurred to me that all the +advances made by humanity had been through the pressure of injustice, +and that the screws had been turned on me that I might do something to +right the great wrong which forbade a married woman to own property. So, +instead of spending my strength quarreling with the hand, I would strike +for the heart of that great tyranny. + +I borrowed books from Judge Wilkins, took legal advice from Colonel +Black, studied the laws under which I lived, and began a series of +letters in the _Journal_ on the subject of a married woman's right to +hold property. I said nothing of my own affairs and confined myself to +general principles, until a man in East Liberty furnished me an +illustration, and with it I made the cheeks of men burn with anger and +shame. + +The case was that of a young German merchant who married the daughter of +a wealthy farmer. Her father gave her a handsome outfit in clothes and +furniture. She became ill soon after marriage, her sister took her place +as housekeeper and nursed her till she died, after bequeathing the +clothes and furniture to the sister; but the sorrowing husband held fast +to the property and proposed to turn it into money. The father wanted it +as souvenirs of his lost child, and tried to purchase of him, but the +husband raised the price until purchase was impossible, when he +advertised the goods for sale at vendue. The father was an old citizen, +highly respected, and so great contempt and indignation was felt, that +at the vendue no one would bid against him, so the husband's father came +forward and ran up the price of the articles. When her riding dress, hat +and whip were held up, there was a general cry of shame. The incident +came just in time for my purpose, so I turned every man's scorn against +himself, said to them: + +"Gentlemen, these are your laws! Your English ancestors made them! Your +fathers brought them across the water and planted them here, where they +flourish like a green bay tree. You robbed that wife of her right to +devise her own property--that husband is simply your agent." + +Lucretia Mott and Mary A. Grew, of Philadelphia, labored assiduously for +the same object, and in the session of '47 and '48, the legislature of +Pennsylvania secured to married women the right to hold property. + +Soon after the passage of the bill, William A. Stokes said to me: "We +hold you responsible for that law, and I tell you now, you will live to +rue the day when you opened such a Pandora's box in your native state, +and cast such an apple of discord into every family in it." + +His standing as a lawyer entitled his opinion to respect, and as he went +on to explain the impossibility of reconciling that statute with, the +general tenor of law and precedent, I was gravely apprehensive. The +public mind was not prepared for so great a change; there had been no +general demand for it; lawyers did not know what to do with it, and +judges shook their heads. Indeed, there was so much doubt and opposition +that I feared a repeal, until some months after Col. Kane came to me and +said: + +"There is a young lawyer from Steubenville named Stanton who would like +to be introduced to you." + +I was in a gracious mood and consented to receive the young lawyer named +Stanton. As he came into the room and advanced toward me, immediately I +felt myself in the presence of a master mind, of a soul born to command. +When introduced he gravely took my hand, and said: + +"I called to congratulate you upon the passage of your bill. It is a +change I have long desired to see." + +We sat and talked on the subject some time, and my fears vanished into +thin air. If this man had taken that law into favor it would surely +stand, and as he predicted be "improved and enlarged." I have never been +so forcibly impressed by any stranger. His compactness of body and soul, +the clear outlines of face and figure, the terseness of his sentences, +and firmness yet tenderness of his voice, were most striking; and as he +passed down the long room after taking leave my thought was: + +"Mr. Stanton you have started for some definite point in life, some high +goal, and you will reach it." + +This was prophetic, for he walked into the War Department of this nation +at a time when it is probable no other man in it, could have done the +work there which freedom demanded in her hour of peril, for this young +man was none other than Edwin M. Stanton, the Ajax of the great +Rebellion. + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +THE PITTSBURG SATURDAY VISITER. + +After the war, abolitionists began to gather their scattered forces and +wanted a Liberty Party organ. To meet this want, Charles P. Shiras +started the _Albatross_ in the fall of '47. He was the "Iron City Poet," +author of "Dimes and Dollars" and "Owe no Man a Dollar." He was of an +old and influential family, had considerable private fortune, was +courted and flattered, but laid himself and gifts on the altar of +Liberty. His paper was devoted to the cause of the slave and of the free +laborer, and started with bright prospects. He and Mr. Fleeson urged me +to become a regular contributor, but Mr. Riddle objected, and the +_Journal_ had five hundred readers for every one the _Albatross_ could +hope. In the one I reached the ninety and nine unconverted, while in the +other I must talk principally to those who were rooted and grounded in +the faith. So I continued my connection with the _Journal_ until I met +James McMasters, a prominent abolitionist, who said sorrowfully: "Well, +the last number of the _Albatross_ will be issued on Thursday." + +"Is it possible?" + +"Possible and true! That is the end of its first quarter, and Shiras +gives it up. In fact we all do. No use trying to support an abolition +paper here." + +While he spoke a thought struck me like a lightning flash, and he had +but finished speaking, when I replied: + +"I have a great notion to start a paper myself." + +He was surprised, but caught at the idea, and said: + +"I wish you would. You can make it go if anybody can, and we'll do all +we can to help you." + +I did not wait to reply, but hurried after my husband, who had passed +on, soon overtook and told him the fate of the _Albatross_. For this he +was sorry, for he always voted a straight abolition ticket. I repeated +to him what I had said to Mr. McMasters, when he said: + +"Nonsense!" then reflected a little, and added, "Well, I do not know +after all but it would be a good idea. Riddle makes lots of money out of +your letters." + +When we had talked about five minutes, he turned to attend to business +and I went to the _Journal_ office. I found Mr. Riddle in his sanctum, +and told him the _Albatross_ was dead; the Liberty Party without an +organ, and that I was going to start the _Pittsburg Saturday Visitor;_ +the first copy must be issued Saturday week, so that abolitionists would +not have time to be discouraged, and that I wanted him to print my +paper. + +He had pushed his chair back from his desk, and sat regarding me in +utter amazement while I stated the case, then said: + +"What do you mean? Are you insane? What does your husband say?" + +I said my husband approved, the matter was all arranged, I would use my +own estate, and if I lost it, it was nobody's affair. + +He begged me to take time to think, to send my husband to him, to +consult my friends. Told me my project was ruinous, that I would lose +every dollar I put into it, and begged, entreated me to take time; but +all to no purpose, when a bright idea came to him. + +"You would have to furnish a desk for yourself, you see there is but one +in this room, and there is no other place for you. You could not conduct +a paper and stay at home, but must spend a good deal of time here!" + +Then I suddenly saw the appalling prospect thus politely presented. I +had never heard of any woman save Mary Kingston working in an office. +Her father, a prominent lawyer, had employed her as his clerk, when his +office was in their dwelling, and the situation was remarkable and very +painful; and here was I, looking not more than twenty, proposing to come +into the office of the handsome stranger who sat bending over his desk +that he might not see me blush for the unwomanly intent. + +Mr. Riddle was esteemed one of the most elegant and polished gentlemen +in the city, with fine physique and fascinating manners. He was a man of +the world, and his prominence had caused his name to become the target +for many an evil report in the bitter personal conflicts of political +life. I looked the facts squarely in the face and thought: + +"I have been publicly asserting the right of woman to earn a living as +book-keepers, clerks, sales-women, and now shall I shrink for fear of a +danger any one must meet in doing as I advised? This is my Red Sea. It +can be no more terrible than the one which confronted Israel. Duty lies +on the other side, and I am going over! 'Speak unto the children of +Israel that they go forward.' The crimson waves of scandal, the white +foam of gossip, shall part before me and heap themselves up as walls on +either hand." + +So rapidly did this reflection pass through my mind, or so absorbed was +I with it, that there had been no awkward pause when I replied: + +"I will get a desk, shall be sorry to be in your way, but there is +plenty of room and I can be quiet." + +He seemed greatly relieved, and said cheerfully: + +"Oh yes, there is plenty of room, I can have my desk moved forward and +take down the shutters, when there will be plenty of light. Heretofore +you have been Jove thundering from a cloud, but if you will come down to +dwell with mortals we must make a place for you." + +Taking down the shutters meant exposing the whole interior of the room +to view, from a very public street; and after he had exhausted every +plea for time to get ready, he engaged to have the first copy of the +_Visiter_ printed on the day I had set. He objected to my way of +spelling the word, but finding I had Johnson for authority, would +arrange the heading to suit. I was in a state of exaltation all +forenoon, and when I met my husband at dinner, the reaction had set in, +and I proposed to countermand the order, when he said emphatically: + +"You will do no such thing. The campaign is coming, you have said you +will start a paper, and now if you do not, I will." + +The coming advent was announced, but I had no arrangements for securing +either advertisements or subscribers. Josiah King, now proprietor of the +_Pittsburg Gazette_ and James H. McClelland called at the _Journal_ +office and subscribed, and with these two supporters, the _Pittsburg +Saturday Visiter_, entered life. The mechanical difficulty of getting +out the first number proved to be so great that the forms were not on +the press at 3 P.M. By five the streets were so blocked by a waiting +crowd, that vehicles went around by other ways, and it was six o'clock, +Jan. 20th, 1848, when the first copy was sold at the counter. I was in +the editorial room all afternoon, correcting proof to the last moment, +and when there was nothing more I could do, was detained by the crowd +around the doors until it was after eleven. + +Editors and reporters were gathered in the sanctum, and Mr. Riddle stood +by his desk pointing out errors to some one who should have prevented +them, when I had my wraps on ready to start. Mr. Fleeson, then a clerk +on the _Journal_, stepped out, hat in hand, and bowing to the +proprietor, said: + +"Mr. Riddle, it is your privilege to see Mrs. Swisshelm to her lodgings, +but as you seem to decline, I hope you will commission me." + +Mr. Fleeson was a small man and Mr. Riddle had drawn himself to his full +height and stood looking down at him, saying: + +"I want it distinctly understood that Mrs. Swisshelm's relations in this +office are purely those of business. If she requires anything of any man +in it, she will command him and her orders shall be obeyed. She has not +ordered my attendance, but has kept her servant here all the evening to +see her to her friend's house, and this should be sufficient notice to +any gentleman that she does not want him." + +During the ten years we used the same editorial-room. Mr. Riddle was +often absent on the days I must be there, and always secured plenty of +light by setting away the shutters when I entered. He generally made it +necessary for me to go to his house and settle accounts, and never found +it convenient to offer his escort to any place unless accompanied by his +wife. + +The _Visiter_ was three years old when he turned one day, examined me +critically, and exclaimed: + +"Why do you wear those hideous caps? You seem to have good hair. Mrs. +Riddle says she knows you have, and she and some ladies were wondering +only yesterday, why you do make yourself such a fright." + +The offending cap was a net scarf tied under the chin, and I said, "You +know I am subject to quinsy, and this cap protects my tonsils." + +He turned away with a sigh, and did not suspect that my tonsils had no +such protection outside the office, where I must meet a great many +gentlemen and make it apparent that what I wanted of them was votes! +votes!! Votes for the women sold on the auction block, scourged for +chastity, robbed of their children, and that admiration was no part of +my object. + +Any attempt to aid business by any feminine attraction was to my mind +revolting in the extreme, and certain to bring final defeat. In nothing +has the church of Rome shown more wisdom than in the costume of her +female missionaries. When a woman starts out in the world on a mission, +secular or religious, she should leave her feminine charms at home. Had +I made capital of my prettiness, I should have closed the doors of +public employment to women for many a year, by the very means which now +makes them weak, underpaid competitors in the great workshop of the +world. + +One day Mr. Riddle said: + +"I wish you had been here yesterday. Robert Watson called. He wanted to +congratulate us on the relations we have for so long maintained. We have +never spoken of it, but you must have known the risk of coming here. He +has seen it, says he has watched you closely, and you are an exception +to all known law, or the harbinger of a new era in human progress." + +Robert Watson was a retired lawyer of large wealth, who watched the +world from his study, and philosophized about its doings; and when Mr. +Riddle had given me this conclusion, the subject was never again +referred to in our years of bargaining, buying and selling, paying and +receipting. + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +RECEPTION OF THE VISITER. + +While preparing matter for the first number of the _Visiter_, I had time +to think that so far as any organization was concerned, I stood alone. I +could not work with Garrison on the ground that the Constitution was +pro-slavery, for I had abandoned that in 1832, when our church split on +it and I went with the New School, who held that it was then +anti-slavery. The Covenanters, before it was adopted, denounced it as a +"Covenant with death and an agreement with hell." I had long ago become +familiar with the arguments on that side, and I concluded they were +fallacious, and could not go back to them even for a welcome into the +abolition ranks. + +The political action wing of the anti-slavery party had given formal +notice that no woman need apply for a place among them. True, there was +a large minority who dissented from this action, but there was division +enough, without my furnishing a cause for contention. So I took pains to +make it understood that I belonged to no party. I was fighting slavery +on the frontier plan of Indian warfare, where every man is +Captain-lieutenants, all the corporals and privates of his company. I +was like the Israelites in the days when there was no king, and "every +man did that which, was right in his own eyes." + +It seemed good unto me to support James G. Birney, for President, and to +promulgate the principles of the platform on which he stood in the last +election. This I would do, and no man had the right or power to stop +me. My paper was a six column weekly, with a small Roman letter head, my +motto, "Speak unto the children of Israel that they go forward," the +names of my candidates at the head of the editorial column and the +platform inserted as standing matter. + +It was quite an insignificant looking sheet, but no sooner did the +American eagle catch sight of it, than he swooned and fell off his +perch. Democratic roosters straightened out their necks and ran +screaming with terror. Whig coons scampered up trees and barked +furiously. The world was falling and every one had "heard it, saw it, +and felt it." + +It appeared that on some inauspicious morning each one of three-fourths +of the secular editors from Maine to Georgia had gone to his office +suspecting nothing, when from some corner of his exchange list there +sprang upon him such a horror as he had little thought to see. + +A woman had started a political paper! A woman! Could he believe his +eyes? A woman! Instantly he sprang to his feet and clutched his +pantaloons, shouted to the assistant editor, when he, too, read and +grasped frantically at his cassimeres, called to the reporters and +pressmen and typos and devils, who all rushed in, heard the news, seized +their nether garments and joined the general chorus, "My breeches! oh, +my breeches!" Here was a woman resolved to steal their pantaloons, their +trousers, and when these were gone they might cry "Ye have taken away my +gods, and what have I more?" The imminence of the peril called for +prompt action, and with one accord they shouted, "On to the breach, in +defense of our breeches! Repel the invader or fill the trenches with our +noble dead." + +"That woman shall not have _my_ pantaloons," cried the editor of the big +city daily; "nor my pantaloons" said the editor of the dignified weekly; +"nor my pantaloons," said he who issued manifestos but once a month; +"nor mine," "nor mine," "nor mine," chimed in the small fry of the +country towns. + +Even the religious press could not get past the tailor shop, and +"pantaloons" was the watchword all along the line. George D. Prentiss +took up the cry, and gave the world a two-third column leader on it, +stating explicitly, "She is a man all but the pantaloons." I wrote to +him asking a copy of the article, but received no answer, when I replied +in rhyme to suit his case: + + Perhaps you have been busy + Horsewhipping Sal or Lizzie, + Stealing some poor man's baby, + Selling its mother, may-be. + You say--and you are witty-- + That I--and, tis a pity-- + Of manhood lack but dress; + But you lack manliness, + A body clean and new, + A soul within it, too. + Nature must change her plan + Ere you can be a man. + +This turned the tide of battle. One editor said, "Brother George, beware +of sister Jane." Another, "Prentiss has found his match." He made no +reply, and it was not long until I thought the pantaloon argument was +dropped forever. + +There was, however, a bright side to the reception of the _Visiter_. +Horace Greeley gave it respectful recognition, so did N.P. Willis and +Gen. Morris in the _Home Journal_. Henry Peterson's _Saturday Evening +Post, Godey's Lady's Book_, Graham's and Sargeant's magazines, and the +anti-slavery papers, one and all, gave it pleasant greeting, while there +were other editors who did not, in view of this innovation, forget that +they were American gentlemen. + +There were some saucy notices from "John Smith," editor of _The Great +West_, a large literary sheet published in Cincinnati. After John and I +had pelted each other with paragraphs, a private letter told me that +she, who had then won a large reputation as John Smith, was Celia, who +afterwards became my very dear friend until the end of her lovely life, +and who died the widow of another dear friend, Wm. H. Burleigh. + +In the second number of the _Visiter_, James H. McClelland, as secretary +of the county convention, published its report and contributed an able +article, thus recognizing it as the much needed county organ of the +Liberty Party. + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +MY CROOKED TELESCOPE. + +In the autumn of 1847, Dr. Robert Mitchell, of Indiana, Pa., was tried +in Pittsburg, in the United States Court, before Judge Grier, for the +crime of harboring fugitive slaves. In an old cabin ten miles from +Indiana, on one of the doctor's farms, some colored men had taken refuge +and worked as harvest hands in the neighborhood. To it came the sheriff +at midnight with a posse, and after as desperate a resistance as unarmed +men could make, two were captured. On one of these was found a note: + + "Kill a sheep and give Jerry the half. + ROB'T MITCHELL." + +The name of the man who had the note was Jerry. It was addressed to a +farmer who kept sheep for the doctor, so it was conclusive evidence of +the act charged, and the only defense possible was want of knowledge. +There was no proof that Dr. Mitchell knew Jerry to be a slave, none, +surely, that he knew him to be the property of plaintiff, who was bound +to give notice of ownership before he could be entitled to damages from +defendant. + +This defense Judge Grier overruled, by deciding that no notice was +required, the law presumed a guilty knowledge on the part of defendant. + +Under this ruling Dr. Mitchell was fined $5,000 and the costs, which +were $5,000 additional. His homestead and a magnificent tract of pine +land lying on the northern slope of the Alleghenies, were sold by the +sheriff of Indiana county to pay the penalty of this act of Christian +charity; but the Dr. said earnestly, "I'll do it again, if they take +every dollar I have." + +This ruling was alarming, for under it, it was unsafe either to sell or +give food or lodging to a stranger. The alarm was general, and even +pro-slavery men regretted that this necessary act of justice should fall +so heavily on so good and gentle a man. There was much unfavorable +comment, but all in private, for the Pittsburg press quailed before +Judge Grier, and libel laws were the weapon with which he most loved to +defend the dignity of the bench. One editor he had kept in jail three +months and ruined his business. Col. Hiram Kane was a brilliant writer, +a poet and pungent paragraphist, and had at one time criticised some of +Judge Grier's decisions, when by a libel suit the Judge had broken up +his business and kept him in jail eighteen months. Public sentiment was +on Kane's side, and he had an ovation on his release, when he became +city editor of the _Journal_. + +There was disappointment that I had not criticised Judge Grier's course +in the first number of the _Visiter_, but this was part of my plan. In +the second number I stated that there had been for a long time a great +legal luminary visible in the Pennsylvania heavens, which had suddenly +disappeared. I had been searching for him for several weeks with the +best telescopes in the city, and had about given him up as a lost star, +when I bethought me of Paddy, who had heated his gun-barrel and bent it +around a tree so that he might be able to shoot around corners. Paddy's +idea was so excellent that I had adopted it and made a crooked +telescope, by which I had found that luminary almost sixty degrees below +our moral horizon. From this I proceeded to the merits of the case. + +Judge Grier and Dr. Mitchell were both elders in the Presbyterian +church. The Judge administered to men the eucharist oath to follow +Christ, then usurped the law-making power of the United States to punish +them for obeying one of the plainest precepts of the Master. + +The article seemed to throw him into a furious passion. He threatened to +sue Mr. Riddle for having the _Visiter_ printed and sold in his office, +and, as for me, I was to suffer all the pains and penalties which law +and public scorn could inflict. He demanded a satisfactory retraction +and apology as the least atonement he could accept for the insult. These +Mr. Riddle promised in my name, and I did not hesitate to make the +promise good. + +My next article was headed "An Apology," and in it I stated the +circumstances which had called it out, and the pleasant prospect of my +being sent to Mount Airy (our county jail) in case this, my apology, was +not satisfactory. I should of course do my best to satisfy his honor, +but in case of failure, should take comfort in the fact that the Mount +would make a good observatory. From that height I should be able to use +my telescope much better than in my present valley of humiliation. +Indeed, the mere prospect had so improved my glass, that I had caught a +new view of our sunken star, and to-day, this dispenser of justice, this +gentleman with the high sense of honor, was a criminal under sentence of +death by the divine law. "He who stealeth a man and selleth him, or if +he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death." + +Judge Grier had helped a gang of thieves to steal Jerry, whose ancestors +had been stolen in Africa. The original thief sold all he could +sell--the title of a thief--and as the stream cannot rise above the +fountain, Jerry's master held the same title to him that any man would +to Judge Grier's horse, provided he had stolen it. The purchaser of a +stolen horse acquired no title in him, and the purchaser of a stolen +man acquired no title in him. The man who helped another steal a horse, +was a horse thief, and the man who helped another steal a man, was a man +thief, condemned to death by divine law. Jerry, after having been once +stolen, had recovered possession of himself, and his master and other +thieves had re-stolen him! Judge Grier, with full knowledge of this +fact, had prostituted law for the benefit of the thieves. + +Nothing more was heard of a libel suit. Two years after, James McMasters +was sued for harboring a fugitive; was to be tried before Grier, and +spoke to his lawyer about summoning the editor of the _Visiter_. The +attorney exclaimed: + +"Oh bring her, by all means! No matter what she knows, or whether she +knows anything; bring her into court, and I'll win the case for you. +Grier is more afraid of her than of the devil." + +The editor was summoned, gave testimony, and found Judge Grier a most +courteous and considerate gentleman, with no signs of fear. The case +hung on the question of notice. The Judge reversed his former decision, +and those who were apt to feed beggars, breathed more freely. + +A case was tried for the remanding of a slave, and lawyer Snowden +appeared for the master. The _Visiter_ sketched the lawyer as his +client's dog, Towser; a dog of the blood-hound breed, with a brand new +brass collar, running with his nose to the ground, while his owner +clapped his hands and shouted: "Seek him, seek him Towser!" + +This caught the fancy of the street boys, who called him, "Towser, +where's your collar?" "Seek him, Towser." He was the last Pittsburg +lawyer who took a case against a slave, and public sentiment had so +advanced that there never afterwards was a fugitive taken out of the +county. + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +MINT, CUMMIN AND ANNIS. + +While the bench and bar were thus demanding the attention of the +_Visiter_, the pulpit was examining its morals with a microscope, and +defending the sum of all villainies as a Bible institution. The American +churches, with three exceptions, not only neglected "the weightier +matters of the law, judgment and mercy," but were the main defense of +the grossest injustice, the most revolting cruelty; and, to maintain an +appearance of sanctity, were particularly devout and searching in the +investigation of small sins. + +A religions contemporary discovered that the _Visiter_ did actually +advertise "Jayne's Expectorant," and such an expectoration of pious +reprehension as this did call forth! The _Visiter_ denied that the +advertisement was immoral, and carried the war into Africa--that old +man-stealing Africa--and there took the ground that chattel slavery +never did exist among the Jews; that what we now charge upon them as +such was a system of bonded servitude; that the contract was originally +between master and servant; the consideration of the labor paid to the +servant; that in all cases of transfer, the master sold to another that +portion of the time and labor of the servant, which were still due; +that there was no hint of any man selling a free man into slavery for +the benefit of the seller; that the servants bought from "the heathen +around about," were bought from themselves, or in part at least, for +their benefit, to bring them under general law and into the church; that +nothing like American slavery was ever known in the days of Moses, or +any other day than that of this great Republic, since our slavery was +"the vilest that ever saw the sun," John Wesley being witness. + +The _Visiter_ cited the purchase by Joseph of the people of Egypt, and +Leviticus xxv, xxxix: "If thy brother be waxen poor and sell himself +unto thee." The Bible had not then been changed to suit the exigencies +of slavery. In later editions, "sell himself" is converted into "be +sold," but as the passage then stood it was a sledge-hammer with which +one might beat the whole pro-slavery Bible argument into atoms, and +while the _Visiter_ used it with all the force it could command, it took +the ground that if the Bible did sanction slavery, the Bible must be +wrong, since nothing could make slavery right. + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +FREE SOIL PARTY. + +The Free Soil or Barnburner party was organized in '48, and nominated +Martin Van Buren for President. The _Visiter_ dropped its Birney flag +and raised the Van Buren standard. In supporting him the editor of the +_Visiter_ was charged with being false to the cause of the slave, and +of playing into the hands of the Whigs. All the editor had ever said +about that pro-slavery ex-President was cast into its teeth by +Democratic, Liberty Party and Garrisonian papers, which, one and all, +held that Van Buren was a cunning old fox, as pro-slavery as in those +days when, as President of the U.S. Senate, he gave his casting vote for +the bill which authorized every Southern post-master to open all the +mail which came to his office, search for and destroy any matter that he +might think dangerous to Southern institutions. In his present hostility +to slavery, he was actuated by personal hatred of Louis Cass, the +Democratic candidate, and sought to draw off enough. Democratic votes to +defeat him. + +The object of the _Visiter_ in supporting Van Buren was to smash one of +the great pro-slavery parties of the nation, or gain an anti-slavery +balance of power to counteract the slavery vote for which both +contended. A few thousand reliable votes would compel one party to take +anti-slavery ground. The Van Buren movement was almost certain to defeat +the Democrats, and force the Whigs to seek our alliance. True, the Free +Soil platform did not suit Liberty Party men, who said it simply +proposed to confine slavery to its present limits, and not destroy it +where it already existed. + +To all of which, and much more, the little _Visiter_ replied, that with +Van Buren's motives it had nothing to do. His present attitude was one +of hostility to the spread of slavery, and this being a long step in +advance of other parties, was a position desirable to gain and hold. To +decline aiding those who proposed to circumscribe slavery because they +did not propose its destruction, was as if a soldier should refuse to +storm an outpost on the ground that it was not the citadel. + +Checking the advance of an enemy was one step toward driving him off the +field, and a rusty cannon might be worth several bright-barreled muskets +in holding him at bay. The Lord punished Israel by the hand of Jehu and +Hazael, both wicked men. Slavery was bursting her bounds, coming over on +us like the sea on Holland. One very dirty shovel might be worth a +hundred silver teaspoons in keeping back the waters, and this Free Soil +party could do more to check its advance than a hundred of the little +Liberty Party with that pure patriot, Gerrit Smith, at its head. In +doing right, take all the help you can get, even from Satan. Let him +assist to carry your burden as long as he will travel your road, and +only be careful not to turn off with him when he takes his own. + +The _Visitor_ had thousands of readers scattered over every State and +Territory in the nation, in England and the Canadas. It was quoted more +perhaps than any other paper in the country, and whether for blame or +praise, its sentiments were circulated, and men of good judgment thought +it made thousands of votes for the Free Soil party. + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +VISIT WASHINGTON.--AGE, 35. + +When slavery thought to reap the fruits of the war into which she had +plunged the nation with Mexico, lo! there was a lion in her path, and +not a Bunyan lion either, for this kingly beast wore no collar, no chain +held him. The roused North had laid her great labor paw on the +California gold fields and stood showing her teeth while the serpent +with raised crest was coiled to strike, and the world waited and +wondered. + +Henry Clay, the synonym for compromise, was still in the United States +Senate, and, with his cat-like tread, stepped in between the +belligerents with a cunning device--a device similar to that by which +the boys disposed of the knife they found jointly--one was to own, the +other to carry and use it. So by this plan the lion was to own +California, and the snake was to occupy it as a hunting-ground; nay, not +it alone, but every State and Territory in the Union must be given up to +its slimy purposes. In other words, California was to be admitted as a +free State, upon condition of the passage of the Fugitive Slave Bill, +which authorized the slave-hunter to follow the fugitive into every +home, every spot of this broad land; to tear him from any altar, and +demand the services of every "good citizen" in his hellish work. Men by +thousands, once counted friends of freedom, bowed abjectly to this +infamous decision. + +Daniel Webster, the leading Whig statesman, made a set speech in favor +of thus giving up the whole country to the dominion of the slave power. +It was another great bid for the next presidential nomination, which +must be controlled by the South. The danger was imminent, the crisis +alarming, and the excitement very great. I longed to be in Washington, +so I wrote to Horace Greeley, who answered that he would pay me five +dollars a column for letters. It was said that this was the first time a +woman had been engaged in that capacity. + +I went to Washington in the early part of '50, going by canal to the +western foot of the Alleghenies, and then by rail to the foot of the +inclined plane, where our cars were wound up and let down by huge +windlasses. I was in a whirl of wonder and excitement by this, my first +acquaintance with the iron-horse, but had to stay all night in Baltimore +because the daily train for Washington had left before ours came. + +I had letters to the proprietor of the Irving House, where I took board. +Had others to Col. Benton, Henry Clay, and other great men, but he who +most interested me was Dr. Gamaliel Bailey, editor of the _National +Era_. The great want of an anti-slavery paper at the capitol had been +supplied by five-dollar subscriptions to a publication fund, and Dr. +Bailey called from Cincinnati to take charge of it, and few men have +kept a charge with more care and skill. He and the _Era_ had just passed +the ordeal of a frightful mob, in which he was conciliatory, unyielding +and victorious; and he was just then gravely anxious about the great +crisis, but most of all anxious that the _Era_ should do yeoman service +to the cause which had called it into life. The _Era_ had a large +circulation, and high literary standing, but Dr. Bailey was troubled +about the difficulty or impossibility of procuring anti-slavery tales. +Mrs. Southworth was writing serials for it, and he had hoped that she, a +Southern woman with Northern principles, could weave into her stories +pictures of slavery which would call damaging attention to it, but in +this she had failed. + +Anti-slavery tales, anti-slavery tales, was what the good Doctor wanted. +Temperance had its story writer in Arthur. If only abolition had a good +writer of fiction, one who could interest and educate the young. He knew +of but one pen able to write what he wanted, and alas, the finances of +the _Era_ could not command it. If only he could engage Mrs. Stowe. I +had not heard of her, and he explained that she was a daughter of Lyman +Beecher. I was surprised and exclaimed: + +"A daughter of Lyman Beecher write abolition stories! Saul among the +prophets!" + +I reminded the Doctor that President Beecher and Prof. Stowe had broken +up the theological department of Lane Seminary by suppressing the +anti-slavery agitation raised by Theodore Weld, a Kentucky student, and +threw their influence against disturbing the Congregational churches +with the new fanaticism; that Edward Beecher invented the "organic sin," +devil, behind which churches and individuals took refuge when called +upon to "come up to the help of the Lord against the mighty." But Dr. +Bailey said he knew them personally, and that despite their public +record, they were at heart anti-slavery, and that prudence alone +dictated their course. Mrs. Stowe was a graphic story-teller, had been +in Kentucky, taken in the situation and could describe the peculiar +institution as no one else could. If he could only enlist her, the whole +family would most likely follow into the abolition ranks; but the bounty +money, alas, where could he raise it? + +Where there is the will there is a way, and it was but a few months +after that conversation when Dr. Bailey forwarded one hundred dollars to +Mrs. Stowe as a retaining fee for her services in the cause of the +slave, and lo! the result, "Uncle Tom's Cabin." As it progressed he sent +her another, and then another hundred dollars. Was ever money so well +expended? + +That grand old lion, Joshua R. Giddings, had also passed through the +mob, and as I went with him to be presented to President Taylor, a woman +in the crowd stepped back, drew away her skirts, and with a snarl +exclaimed, + +"A pair of abolitionists!" + +The whole air of Freedom's capital thrilled and palpitated with hatred +of her and her cause. On the question of the pending Fugitive Slave +Bill, the feeling was intense and bitterly partisan, although not a +party measure. Mr. Taylor, the Whig President, had pronounced the bill +an insult to the North, and stated his determination to veto it. +Fillmore, the Vice-President, was in favor of it. So, Freedom looked to +a man owning three hundred slaves, while slavery relied on "a Northern +man with Southern principles." President Taylor was hated by the South, +was denounced as a traitor to his section, while Southern men and women +fawned upon and flattered Fillmore. Webster, the great Whig statesman of +the North, had bowed the knee to Baal, while Col. Benton, of Missouri, +was on the side of Freedom. + +The third, or anti-slavery party, represented by Chase and Hale in the +Senate, was beginning to make itself felt, and must be crushed and +stamped out at all hazards--the infant must be strangled in its cradle. + +While abolition was scoffed at by hypocritical priests as opening a door +to amalgamation, here, in the nation's capital, lived some of our most +prominent statesmen in open concubinage with negresses, adding to their +income by the sale of their own children, while one could neither go out +nor stay in without meeting indisputable testimony of the truth of +Thomas Jefferson's statement: "The best blood of Virginia runs in the +veins of her slaves." But the case which interested me most was a family +of eight mulattoes, bearing the image and superscription of the great +New England statesman, who paid the rent and grocery bills of their +mother as regularly as he did those of his wife. + +Pigs were the scavengers, mud and garbage the rule, while men literally +wallowed in the mire of licentiousness and strong drink. In Congress +they sat and loafed with the soles of their boots turned up for the +inspection of the ladies in the galleries. Their language and gestures +as they expectorated hither and thither were often as coarse as their +positions, while they ranted about the "laws and Constitution," and +cracked their slave-whips over the heads of the dough-faces sent from +the Northern States. + +Washington was a great slave mart, and her slave-pen was one of the +most infamous in the whole land. One woman, who had escaped from it, was +pursued in her flight across the long bridge, and was gaining on the +four men who followed her, when they shouted to some on the Virginia +shore, who ran and intercepted her. Seeing her way blocked, and all hope +of escape gone, with one wild cry she clasped her hands above her head, +sprang into the Potomac, and was swept into that land beyond the River +Death, where alone was hope for the American slave. Another woman with +her two children was captured on the steps of the capitol building, +whither she had fled for protection, and this, too, while the stars and +stripes floated over it. + +One of President Tyler's daughters ran away with the man she loved, in +order that they might be married, but for this they must reach foreign +soil. A young lady of the White House could not marry the man of her +choice in the United States. The lovers were captured, and she was +brought to His Excellency, her father, who sold her to a slave-trader. +From that Washington slave-pen she was taken to New Orleans by a man who +expected to get twenty-five hundred dollars for her on account of her +great beauty. + +My letters to the New York _Tribune_, soon attracted so much attention +that is was unpleasant for me to live in a hotel, and I became the guest +of my friend Mrs. Emma D.E.N. Southworth. It was pleasant to look into +her great, dreamy grey eyes, with their heavy lashes, at the broad +forehead and the clustering brown curls, and have her sit and look into +the fire and talk as she wrote of the strange fancies which peopled her +busy brain. + +Among the legislative absurdities which early attracted my attention was +that of bringing every claim against the government before Congress. If +a man thought government owed him ten dollars, the only way was to have +the bill pass both houses. In my _Tribune_ letters, I ventilated that +thoroughly, and suggested a court, in which Brother Jonathan could +appear by attorney. Mr. Greeley seconded the suggestion warmly, and +this, I think, was the origin of the Court of Claims. + +There was yet one innovation I wanted to make, although my stay in +Washington would necessarily be short. No woman had ever had a place in +the Congressional reporter's gallery. This door I wanted to open to +them, called on Vice-President Fillmore and asked him to assign me a +seat in the Senate gallery. He was much surprised and tried to dissuade +me. The place would be very unpleasant for a lady, would attract +attention, I would not like it; but he gave me the seat. I occupied it +one day, greatly to the surprise of the Senators, the reporters, and +others on the floor and in the galleries; but felt that the novelty +would soon wear off, and that women would work there and win bread +without annoyance. + +But the Senate had another sensation that day, for Foot, in a speech +alluded to "the gentleman from Missouri." Benton sprang to his feet, and +started toward him, but a dozen members rushed up to hold him, and he +roared: + +"Stand off, gentlemen! Unhand me! Let me reach the scoundrel!" Everyone +stamped, and ran, and shouted "Order!" The speaker pounded with his +mallet, and Foot ran down the aisle to the chair, drawing out a great +horse-pistol and cocking it, cried: + +"Let him come on, gentlemen! let him come on!" while he increased the +distance between them as fast as time and space would permit. After the +hubbub had subsided, Foot explained: + +"Mr. Speaker, I saw the gentleman coming, and I advanced toward the +chair." + +I have never seen a well-whipped rooster run from his foe, without +thinking of Foot's advance. + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +DANIEL WEBSTER. + +Darkest of the dark omens for the slave, in that dark day, was the +defalcation of Daniel Webster. He whose eloquence had secured in name +the great Northwest to freedom, and who had so long been dreaded by the +slave-power, had laid his crown in the dust; had counseled the people of +the North to conquer their prejudices against catching slaves, and by +his vote would open every sanctuary to the bloodhound. The prestige of +his great name and the power of his great intellect were turned over to +slavery, and the friends of freedom deplored and trembled for the +result. + +There was some general knowledge through the country of the immorality +of Southern men in our national capital. Serious charges had been made +by abolitionists against Henry Clay, but Webster was supposed to be a +moral as well as an intellectual giant. Brought up in Puritan New +England, he was accredited with all the New England virtues; and when a +Southern woman said to me, in answer to my strictures on Southern men: + +"Oh, you need not say anything! Look at your own Daniel Webster!" I +wondered and began to look at and inquire about him, and soon discovered +that his whole panoply of moral power was a shell--that his life was +full of rottenness. Then I knew why I had come to Washington. I gathered +the principal facts of his life at the Capitol, stated them to Dr. +Snodgrass, a prominent Washington correspondent, whose anti-slavery +paper had been suppressed in Baltimore by a mob, to Joshua R. Giddings +and Gamaliel Bailey. They assured me of the truth of what had been told +me, but advised me to keep quiet, as other people had done. I took the +whole question into careful consideration; wrote a paragraph in a letter +to the _Visiter_, stating the facts briefly, strongly; and went to read +it to my friend, Mrs. George W. Julian. + +I found her and her husband together, and read the letter to them. They +sat dumb for a moment, then he exclaimed: + +"You must not publish that!" + +"Is it true?" + +"Oh, yes! It is true! But none the less you must not publish it!" + +"Can I prove it?" + +"No one will dare deny it. We have all known that for years, but no one +would dare to make it public. No good can come of its publication; it +would ruin you, ruin your influence, ruin your work. You would lose +your _Tribune_ engagement, by which you are now doing so much good. We +all feel the help you are to the good cause. Do not throw away your +influence!" + +"Does not the cause of the slave hang on the issue in Congress?" + +"I think it does." + +"Is not Mr. Webster's influence all against it?" + +"Yes, of course!" + +"Would not that influence be very much less if the public knew just what +he is?" + +"Of course it would, but you cannot afford to tell them. You have no +idea what his friends would say, what they would do. They would ruin +you." + +I thought a moment, and said: + +"I will publish it, and let God take care of the consequences." + +"Good!" exclaimed Mrs. Julian, clapping her hands. "I would if I were in +your place." + +But when I went to post the letter, I hesitated, walked back and forth +on the street, and almost concluded to leave out that paragraph. I +shuddered lest Mr. Julian's prediction should prove true. I was +gratified by my position on the _Tribune_--the social distinction it +gave me and courtesy which had been shown me. Grave Senators went out of +their way to be polite, and even pro-slavery men treated me with +distinguished consideration. My Washington life had been eminently +agreeable, and I dreaded changing popularity for public denunciation. +But I remembered my Red Sea, and my motto--"Speak unto the children of +Israel that they go forward." The duty of destroying that pro-slavery +influence was plain. All the objections were for fear of the +consequences to me. I had said God should take care of these, and mailed +the letter, but I must leave Washington. Mr. Greeley should not +discharge me. I left the capitol the day after taking my seat in the +reporter's gallery, feeling that that door was open to other women. + +The surprise with which the Webster statement was received was fully +equalled by the storm of denunciation it drew down upon me. The New York +_Tribune_ regretted and condemned. Other secular papers made dignified +protests. The religious press was shocked at my indelicacy, and fellows +of the baser sort improved their opportunity to the utmost. I have never +seen, in the history of the press, such widespread abuse of any one +person as that with which I was favored; but, by a strange fatality, the +paragraph was copied and copied. It was so short and pointed that in no +other way could its wickedness be so well depicted as by making it a +witness against itself. + +I had nothing to do but keep quiet. The accusation was made. I knew +where to find the proof if it should be legally called for, and until it +was I should volunteer no evidence, and my witnesses could not be +attacked or discredited in advance. By and by people began to ask for +the contradiction of this "vile slander." It was so circumstantial as to +call for a denial. It could not be set aside as unworthy of attention. + +What did it mean? Mr. Webster was a prominent candidate for President. +Would his friends permit this story to pass without a word of denial? +Mr. Julian was right; no one would dare deny the charge. He was, +however, wrong in saying it would ruin me. My motive was too apparent, +and the revelations too important, for any lasting disgrace to attach to +it. On all hands it was assured that the disclosure had had a telling +effect in disposing of a formidable power which had been arrayed against +the slave, as Mr. Webster failed to secure the nomination. + +Some one started a conundrum: "Why is Daniel Webster like Sisera? +Because he was killed by a woman," and this had almost as great a run as +the original accusation. + +When the National Convention met in Pittsburg, in 1852, to form the Free +Democratic party, there was an executive and popular branch held in +separate halls. I attended the executive. Very few women were present, +and I the only one near the platform. The temporary chairman left the +chair, came to me to be introduced, saying: + +"I want to take the hand that killed Daniel Webster." + +Henry Wilson was permanent chairman of that convention, and he came, +too, with similar address. Even Mr. Greeley continued to be my friend, +and I wrote for the _Tribune_ often after that time. + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +FUGITIVE SLAVE LAW. + +When it became certain that the Fugitive Slave Bill could pass Congress, +but could not command a two-thirds vote to carry it over the assured +veto of President Taylor, he ate a plate of strawberries, just as +President Harrison had done when he stood in the way of Southern policy, +and like his great predecessor Taylor, died opportunely, when Mr. +Fillmore became President, and signed the bill. When it was the law of +the land, there was a rush of popular sentiment in favor of obedience, +and a rush of slave-catchers to take advantage of its provisions. +Thousands of slaves were returned to bondage. Whigs and Democrats were +still bidding for the Southern vote, and now vied with each other as to +who should show most willingness to aid their Southern brethren in the +recovery of their lost property. The church also rushed to the front to +show its Christian zeal for the wrongs of those brethren, who, by the +escape of their slaves, lost the means of building churches and buying +communion services, and there was no end of homilies on the dishonesty +of helping men to regain possession of their own bodies. All manner of +charges were rung about Onesimus, and Paul became the patron saint of +slave-catchers. + +Among the many devices brought to bear on the consciences of +Pittsburgers, was a sermon preached, as per announcement, by Rev. +Riddle, pastor of the Third Presbyterian church. It was received with +great favor, by his large wealthy congregation, was printed in pamphlet +form, distributed by thousands and made a profound impression, for +Pittsburg is a Presbyterian city, and a sermon by its leading pastor was +convincing. The sermon was an out and out plea for the bill and +obedience to its requirements. Did not Paul return Onesimus to his +master? Were not servants told to obey their masters? Running away was +gross disobedience, etc., etc. + +Robt. M. Riddle, in a careful leader in _The Journal_, deprecated the +existence of the law, but since it did exist, counseled obedience. He +was a polished and forcible writer and his arguments had great weight. + +The _Visiter_ published an article on "The Two Riddles," in which was +drawn a picture of a scantily clad woman, with bruised and bleeding +feet, clasping an infant to her bosom, panting before her pursuers up +Third street. The master called on all good citizens for help. The cry +reached the ears of the tall editor of the _Journal_ seated at his desk. +He dropped his pen, hastily donned his new brass collar and started in +hot pursuit of this wicked woman, who was feloniously appropriating the +property of her master. + +The other Riddle--the Presbyterian pastor--planted himself by the lamp +post on the corner of Third and Market streets, and with spectacles on +nose and raised hands, loudly implored divine blessing on the labors of +his tall namesake. The _Visiter_ concluded by advising masters who had +slaves to catch, to apply to these gentlemen, who would attend to +business from purely pious and patriotic motives. + +I did not see Mr. Riddle for two weeks after the publication of the +sketch, and then we met on the street. He had never before been angry +or vexed with me, but now he was both, and said: + +"How could you do me such an injustice?" + +"Why is it an injustice?" + +"Oh you know it is! You know I would cut off my right hand, before I +would aid in capturing a fugitive." + +"Then why do you counsel others to do it?" + +"Oh you know better! and Rev. Riddle, he and his friends are distressed +about it. You do not know what you have done! I have already had three +letters from the South, asking me to aid in returning fugitives, and he, +too, has had similar applications. Oh it is too humiliating, too bad. +You must set it right!" + +I agreed to do so, and the _Visiter_ explained that it had been mistaken +in saying that both or either of the two Riddles would aid in returning +fugitives. They both scorned the business, and Robt. M., would cut off +his right hand, rather than engage in it. He only meant that other +people should do what would degrade him. He was not a good citizen, and +did not intend to be. As for his Reverence, he would shirk his Christian +duties; would not pray by that lamppost, or any other lamp-post, for the +success of slave-catchers. He had turned his back upon Paul, and had +fallen from grace since preaching his famous sermon. The gentlemen had +been accredited with a patriotism and piety of which they were +incapable, and a retraction was necessary; but if any other more +patriotic politician or divine, further advanced in sanctification would +send their names to the _Visiter_, it would notify the South. + +In answering Bible arguments, as to the righteousness of the Fugitive +Slave Bill, the main dependence of _the Visiter_ was Deuteronomy xxiii: +15 and 16: + +"Thou shalt not deliver unto his master, the servant which is escaped +from his master unto thee. + +"He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place where he shall +choose, in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best, thou shalt not +oppress him." + +That old Bible, in spite of pro-slavery interpreters, proved to be the +great bulwark of human liberty. + +In 1852, Slavery and Democracy formed that alliance to which we owe the +Great Rebellion. The South became solid, and Whigs had no longer any +motive for catching slaves. + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + +BLOOMERS AND WOMAN'S RIGHTS CONVENTIONS. + +The appearance of _The Visiter_ was the signal for an outbreak, for +which I was wholly unprepared, and one which proved the existence of an +eating cancer of discontent in the body politic. Under the smooth +surface of society lay a mass of moral disease, which suddenly broke out +into an eruption of complaints, from those who felt themselves oppressed +by the old Saxon and ecclesiastical laws under which one-half the people +of the republic still lived. + +In the laws governing the interests peculiar to men, and those affecting +their interests in common with woman, great advance had been made during +the past six centuries, but those regarding the exclusive interests of +women, had remained in _statu quo_, since King Alfred the Great and the +knights of his Round Table fell asleep. The anti-negro slavery object of +my paper seemed to be lost sight of, both by friends and foes of human +progress, in the surprise at the innovation of a woman entering the +political arena, to argue publicly on great questions of national +policy, and while men were defending their pantaloons, they created and +spread the idea, that masculine supremacy lay in the form of their +garments, and that a woman dressed like a man would be as potent as he. + +Strange as it may now seem, they succeeded in giving such efficacy to +the idea, that no less a person than Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was led +astray by it, so that she set her cool, wise head to work and invented a +costume, which she believed would emancipate woman from thraldom. Her +invention was adopted by her friend Mrs. Bloomer, editor and proprietor +of the _Lily_, a small paper then in infancy in Syracuse, N.Y., and from +her, the dress took its name--"the bloomer." Both women believed in +their dress, and staunchly advocated it as the sovereignest remedy for +all the ills that woman's flesh is heir to. + +I made a suit and wore it at home parts of two days, long enough to feel +assured that it must be a failure; and so opposed it earnestly, but +nothing I could say or do could make it apparent that pantaloons were +not the real objective point, at which all discontented woman aimed. I +had once been tried on a charge of purloining pantaloons, and been +acquitted for lack of evidence; but now, here was the proof! The women +themselves, leaders of the malcontents, promulgated and pressed their +claim to bifurcated garments, and the whole tide of popular discussion +was turned into that ridiculous channel. + +The _Visiter_ had a large list of subscribers in Salem, Ohio, and in the +summer of '49 a letter from a lady came to me saying, that the _Visiter_ +had stirred up so much interest in women's rights that a meeting had +been held and a committee appointed to get up a woman's rights +convention, and she, as chairman of that committee, invited me to +preside. I felt on reading this as if I had had a douche bath; then, as +a lawyer might have felt who had carried a case for a corporation +through the lower court, and when expecting it up before the supreme +bench, had learned that all his clients were coming in to address the +court on the merits of the case. + +By the pecks of letters I had been receiving, I had learned that there +were thousands of women with grievances, and no power to state them or +to discriminate between those which could be reached by law and those +purely personal; and that the love of privacy with which the whole sex +was accredited was a mistake, since most of my correspondents literally +agonized to get before the public. Publicity! publicity! was the +persistent demand. To meet the demand, small papers, owned and edited by +women, sprang up all over the land, and like Jonah's gourd, perished in +a night. Ruskin says to be noble is to be known, and at that period +there was a great demand on the part of women for their full allowance +of nobility; but not one in a hundred thought of merit as a means of +reaching it. No use waiting to learn to put two consecutive sentences +together in any connected form, or for an idea or the power of +expressing it. One woman was printing her productions, and why should +not all the rest do likewise? They had so long followed some leader like +a flock of sheep, that now they would rush through the first gap into +newspaperdom. + +I declined the presidential honors tendered me, on the ground of +inability to fill the place; and earnestly entreated the movers to +reconsider and give up the convention, saying: + +"It will open a door through which fools and fanatics will pour in, and +make the cause ridiculous." + +The answer was that it was too late to recede. The convention was held, +and justified my worst fears. When I criticised it, the reply was: + +"If you had come and presided, as we wished you to do, the result would +have been different. You started the movement and now refuse to lead it, +but cannot stop it." + +The next summer a convention was held in Akron, Ohio, and I attended, +hoping to modify the madness, but failed utterly, by all protests I +could make, to prevent the introduction by the committee on resolutions +of this: + +"_Resolved_, that the difference in sex is one of education." + +A man stood behind the president to prompt her, but she could not catch +his meaning, and when confusion came, she rose and made a little speech, +in which she stated that she knew nothing of parliamentary rules, and +when consenting to preside had resolved, if there were trouble, to say +to the convention as she did to her boys at home: "Quit behaving +yourselves!" + +This brought down the house, but brought no order, and she sat down, +smiling, a perfect picture of self-complaisance. + +People thought the press unmerciful in its ridicule of that convention, +but I felt in it all there was much forbearance. No words could have +done justice to the occasion. It was so much more ridiculous than +ridicule, so much more absurd than absurdity. The women on whom that +ridicule was heaped were utterly incapable of self-defense, or +unconscious of its need. The mass of nobility seekers seemed content to +get before the public by any means, and to wear its most stinging +sarcasms as they would a new dress cap. + +In those days I reserved all my hard words for men, and in my notice of +the convention mildly suggested that it would have been better had Mrs. +Oliver Johnson been made president, as she had great executive ability +and a good knowledge of parliamentary rules. This suggestion was +received by the president as an insult never to be forgiven, and in the +_Visiter_ defended herself against it. I replied, and in the discussion +which followed she argued that the affairs of each family should be so +arranged that the husband and wife would be breadwinner and housekeeper +by turns, day or oven half day about. He should go to business in the +forenoon, then in the afternoon take care of baby and permit her to go +to the office, shop or warehouse from which came the family supplies. + +I took the ground that baby would be apt to object, and that in our +family the rule would not work, since I could not put a log on the +mill-carriage, and the water would be running to waste all my day or +half-day as bread-winner. + +About the same time, Mrs. Stanton published a series of articles in Mrs. +Bloomer's paper, the _Lily_, in which she taught that it was right for a +mother to make baby comfortable, lay him in his crib, come out, lock the +door, and leave him to develop his lungs by crying or cooing, as he +might decide, while mamma improved her mind and attended to her public +and social duties. + +Against such head winds, it was hard for my poor little craft to make +progress in asserting the right of women to influence great public +questions. + +For something over twenty years, after that Akron meeting, I did not see +a woman's rights convention, and in all have seen but five. Up to 1876 +there had been no material improvement in them, if those I saw were a +fair specimen. Their holders have always seemed to me like a woman who +should undertake at a state fair to run a sewing machine, under pretense +of advertising it, while she had never spent an hour in learning its +use. + +However, those conventions have probably saved the republic. From the +readiness with which Pennsylvania legislators responded to the petition +of three of four women, acting without concert, in the matter of +property rights, it is probable that in a fit of generosity the men of +the United States would have enfranchised its women _en masse;_ and the +government now staggering under the ballots of ignorant, irresponsible +men, must have gone down under the additional burden of the votes which +would have been thrown upon it, by millions of ignorant, irresponsible +women. Before that time, the unanswerable argument of Judge Hurlbut had +been published, and had made a deep impression on the minds of thinking +men. Had this been followed by the earnest, thrilling appeals of Susan +B. Anthony, free from all alliance with cant and vanity, we should no +doubt have had a voting population to-day, under which no government +could exist ten years; but those conventions raised the danger signal, +and men took heed to the warning. + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + +MANY MATTERS. + +The period of the _Visiter_ was one of great mental activity--a period +of hobbies--and it, having assumed the reform roll, was expected to +assume all the reforms. Turkish trowsers, Fourierism, Spiritualism, +Vegetarianism, Phonetics, Pneumonics, the Eight Hour Law, Criminal +Caudling, Magdaleneism, and other devices for teaching pyramids to stand +on their apex was pressed upon the _Visiter_, and it held by the +disciples of each as "false to all its professions," when declining to +devote itself to its advocacy. There were a thousand men and women, who +knew exactly what it ought to do; but seldom two of them agreed, and +none ever thought of furnishing funds for the doing of it. Reformers +insisted that it should advocate their plan of hurrying up the +millenium, furnish the white paper and pay the printers. Pond parents +came with their young geniuses to have them baptized in type from the +_Visiter_ font. Male editors were far away folks, but the _Visiter_ +would sympathize with family hopes. + +Ah, the crop of Miltons, Shakespeares, and Drydens which was growing up +in this land, full forty years ago. What has ever become of them? Here +conscience gives a twinge, for that wicked _Visiter_ did advise that +parents should treat young genius as scientists do wood, which they wish +to convert into pure carbon, _i.e._, cover it up with neglect and +discouragement, and pat these down with wholesome discipline, solid +study and useful work, and so let the fire smoulder out of sight. + +The policy of the _Visiter_ in regard to Woman's Rights, was to "go +easy," except in the case of those slave-women, who had no rights. For +others, gain an advance when you could. Educate girls with boys, develop +their brains, and take away legal disabilities little by little, as +experience should show was wise; but never dream of their doing the +world's hard work, either mental or physical; and Heaven defend them +from going into all the trades. + +The human teeth proved that we should eat flesh, and the human form +proved that men should take the ore out of the mines, subdue the inertia +of matter and the ferocity of animals; that they should raise the grain, +build the houses, roads and heavy machinery; and that women should do +the lighter work. As this work was as important as the heavier, and as +it fell principally on wives and mothers, they in these relations should +receive equal compensation with the husband and father. By this plan, +the estate acquired by a matrimonial firm, would belong equally to both +parties, and each could devise his or her share, so that a woman would +know that her accumulations would go to her heirs, not to her successor. +Consequently, every wife would have an incentive to industry and +economy, instead of being stimulated to idleness and extravagance as by +existing laws. + +Women should not weaken their cause by impracticable demands. Make no +claim which could not be won in a reasonable time. Take one step at a +time, get a good foothold in it and advance carefully. Suffrage in +municipal elections for property holders who could read, and had never +been connected with crime, was the place to strike for the ballot. Say +nothing about suffrage elsewhere until it proved successful here. + +Intemperance was then under treatment by Washingtonianism. By this +philosophy it was held that each man consists of about thirty pounds of +solid matter, wet up with several buckets of water; that in youth his +mother and sweetheart, kneads, rolls, pats and keeps him in shape, until +his wife takes charge of him and makes him into large loaves or little +cakes, according to family requirements; but must not stop kneading, +rolling, patting, on pain of having him all flatten out. + +The diagnosis of drunkenness was that it was a disease for which the +patient was in no way responsible, that it was created by existing +saloons, and non-existing bright hearths, smiling wives, pretty caps and +aprons. The cure was the patent nostrum of pledge-signing, a +lying-made-easy invention, which like calomel, seldom had any permanent +effect on the disease for which it was given, and never failed to +produce another and a worse. Here the cure created an epidemic of +forgery, falsehood and perjury. + +Napoleon selected his generals for their large noses. Dr. Washingtonian +chose his leaders for their great vices. The honors bestowed upon his +followers were measured by their crimes, and that man who could boast +the largest accumulation was the hero of the hour. A decent, sober man +was a mean-spirited fellow; while he who had brought the grey hair of +parents in sorrow to the grave, wasted his patrimony and murdered his +wife and children, was "King o' men for a' that." The heroines were +those women who had smilingly endured every wrong, every indignity that +brutality could inflict; had endured them not alone for themselves but +for their children; and she who had caressed the father of her child +while he dashed its brains out, headed the list in saintship; for love +was the kneading trough, and obedience the rolling pin, in and with +which that precious mess called a man was to be made into an angel. + +The _Visiter_ held that the law-giver of Mount Sinai knew what was in +man, and had not given any such account of him; that the commands, "Thou +shalt," and "Thou shalt not," were addressed to each individual; that +the disease of opening one's mouth and pouring whisky into it was under +the control of the mouth-opener; that drunkenness was a crime for which +the criminal should be punished by such terms of imprisonment as would +effectually protect society and prevent its confirmation. It told women +that that dough ought to be baked in the furnace of affliction; that +the coil of an anaconda was preferable to the embraces of a drunken man; +that it is a crime for a woman to become the mother of a drunkard's +child; that she who fails to protect her child from the drunken fury of +any man, even to the extent of taking his life on the spot, if possible, +is a coward and a traitor to the highest impulses of humanity. + +These sentiments made a stir in temperance ranks, and there was much +defense of the dear fellows. The organization, seemed to be principally +occupied in teaching, that among men, only rumsellers are free moral +agents, and that they and the women are to bear the iniquity of us all. +One Philadelphia woman, engaged in scattering rose-leaf remedies over +the great cancer of the land, concluded that the editor of the _Visiter_ +horsewhipped the unfortunate man she called husband, once a day, with +great regularity. Much sympathy was expressed for that much-abused man; +and this was amusing to those who knew he could have tied four such +tyrants in a sheaf, and carried them off like a bundle of sticks. But +people had found a monster, a giantess, with flaming black eyes, square +jaws and big fists, who lived at the top of a very high bean-pole, and +ate nothing but the uncooked flesh of men. + +However, the man-eating idea came to be useful, and proved that a bad +name is better than none. + +In '49, the _Visiter_ began a weekly series of "Letters to Country +Girls," which were seized upon as a new feature in journalism, were very +extensively copied, and won golden opinions from all sorts of men. In +'54 they were collected in book form, and "mine ancient enemy," George +D. Prentiss, gave them kindly notice. + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + +THE MOTHER CHURCH. + +When the _Visiter_ entered life, it was still doubtful which side of the +slavery question the Roman church would take. O'Connell was in the +zenith of his power and popularity, was decidedly anti-slavery, and +members of Catholic churches chose sides according to personal feeling, +as did those of other churches. It was not until 1852, that +abolitionists began to feel the alliance between Romanism and slavery; +but from that time, to be a member of the Roman church was to be a +friend of "Southern interests." + +In Pittsburg there was great harmony between Catholics and Protestants, +for the Protestant-Irish, by which Western Pennsylvania was so largely +settled, were generally refugees driven from Ireland for their +connection with the Union, or Robert Emmet rebellion. Our pastor, Rev. +John Black, escaped in the night, and he and the only Catholic priest in +Pittsburg, Father McGuire, were intimate friends. + +The Bishop of the diocese, R.R. O'Conner, was, I think, a priest of the +Capponsacchi order, one of those men by whose existence the Creator +renders a reason for the continuance of the race. After the days of +which I write, there was an excitement in Pittsburg about Miss Tiernan, +a beautiful, accomplished girl, who became a nun, and was said to have +mysteriously disappeared. When the Bishop resigned his office and became +a member of an austere order of monks, there were not lacking those who +charged the act to remorse for his connection with her unexplained +death; but I doubt not, that whatever that connection was, it did honor +to his manhood, however it may have affected his priesthood. + +In the days of his Episcopal honors, he was a favorite with all sorts +and conditions of men, and when he published a letter condemning our +infant-system of public schools, and demanding a division of the school +fund, he produced a profound sensation. I think this letter appeared in +'49. It was the morning of one of the days of the week I spent regularly +at the office. I found Mr. Riddle waiting to ask what I proposed to do +about it. I stated, without hesitation, that I would oppose it to the +best of my ability, when he replied: + +"I took it for granted that you would have consulted Mr. White +(conductor of the _Gazette_), and we feel that we cannot afford to lose +our Catholic patronage by taking issue with the Bishop, and that it will +not be necessary. You, as a pupil of Dr. Black, ought to be able to +answer Bishop O'Conner's arguments, and we will leave him to you. The +religious press will, of course, be a unit against him, and the secular +press need not fear to leave the case in your hands." + +The two papers for which he spoke, were the two great Whig dailies of +the western part of the State. The other daily was the _Democratic +Post_, conducted by a Catholic, and virtually the Bishop's organ; and to +meet this attack on the very foundations of civil liberty, the +_Visitor_, a weekly, was the only representative of the secular press. + +The Whig papers might have taken a different course, had it been known +at first that Bishop O'Conner's letter was only a part of a concerted +attack, and that all over the Union the Bishops had published similar +letters. But this was before the days of telegraphy, and we were weeks +learning the length and breadth of the movement. + +Bishop O'Conner replied very courteously to my strictures on his letter, +and we maintained the controversy for some length of time. Having all +the right on my side, I must have been a dolt not to make it apparent; +and the friends of the Bishop must have felt that he gained nothing, +else they would not have been so angry; but he was courteous until he +dropped the subject. + +My Catholic patrons gradually withdrew their advertisements and +subscriptions. Thousands of Protestants were rejoiced at what they +called my triumph, and borrowed the _Visiter_ to read my articles. Very +many bought copies, but I think I did not gain one subscriber or +advertiser by that labor in defense of a common cause. Nay, I lost +Protestant as well as Catholic support, for business men did not care to +be known to Catholic customers as a patron of a paper which had +strenuously opposed the policy of the church. That experience and a +close observation for many years have taught me that the secular papers +of the United States, with a few exceptions, are almost as much under +the control of the Pontiff as the press of Austria. Nor is it the +secular press alone which is thus controlled. There are religions +papers who throw "sops to Cerebus," as an offset to teachings demanded +by Protestant readers. These "sops" are paid for indirectly by +patronage, which would be withdrawn whenever the Bishop took alarm at an +article in that same paper. + +Protestants do not carry their religion either into political or +business relations, and so there is no offset to the religious, +political and business concentration of Romanism. + +There was no other outbreak between me and my Catholic neighbors until +the dedication of the Pittsburg cathedral, when my report gave serious +offense, and caused Bishop O'Conner to make a very bitter personal +attack on me. He did not know how truly the offensive features of my +report were the result of ignorance; but thought me irreverent, +blasphemous. I had never before been inside a Catholic church; never +seen a Catholic ceremonial; did not know the name of a single vestment; +was overwhelmed with astonishment, and thought my readers as ignorant as +I; so tried to give a description which would enable them to see what I +had seen, hear what I had heard. + +Every bishop and priest and member of any religions brotherhood in this +country and Canada was said to be present. Some of the things they wore +looked like long night-gowns, some short ones; some like cradle quilts, +some like larger quilts. There were many kinds of patch-work and +embroidery; some of the men wore skirts and looked very funny. Quite a +number wore something on their heads which looked like three pieces of +pasteboard, the shape of a large flat-iron, and fastened together at the +right angles and points. They formed into procession and started around +the outside of the building. I thought of going "around and about" +Jerusalem, and the movement had a meaning; but they walked into a fence +corner, swung a censor, turned and walked into another corner, and then +back into the house, without compassing the building. I said there was +nothing to prevent bad spirits coming in at that side. + +I copied the Bishop's angry reply, plead my ignorance and that of +Protestants in general for all that seemed irreverent, and called upon +him for explanations. What did it all mean? What was the spiritual +significance of those externals? I ignored his evident anger; had no +reason to be other than personally respectful to him, yet my second +article irritated him more than the first. + +I had stated that the men in the procession were the most +villainous-looking set I had ever seen; that every head and face save +those of the Bishops of Orleans and Pittsburg, were more or less stamped +by sensuality and low cunning. In Bishop O'Conner's reply, he said I had +gone to look for handsome men. I answered that I had, and that it was +right to do so. The Church, in her works of art, had labored to +represent Christ and his apostles as perfectly-formed men--men with +spiritual faces. She had never represented any of her saints as a +wine-bibber, a gross beef-eater, or a narrow-headed, crafty, cringing +creature. These living men could not be the rightful successors of those +whose statues and pictures adorned that cathedral. Archbishop Hughes, in +his sermon on that occasion, had argued that all the forms of the +church had a holy significance. What was that significance? Moreover, in +the days of John there were seven churches. Whatever had the Church of +Rome done with the other six owned on the Isle of Patmos by him who +stood in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks? + +For two months every issue of the _Visiter_ copied and replied to one of +the Bishop's articles, but never could bring him to the point of +explaining any portion of that great mystery. But the discussion marked +me as the subject of a hatred I had not deemed possible, and I have +seldom, if ever, met a Catholic so obscure that he did not recognize my +name as that of an enemy. So bitter was the feeling, that when my only +baby came great fears were felt lest she should be abducted; but this I +knew never could be done with Bishop O'Conner's consent. + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + +POLITICS AND PRINTERS. + +When the Pittsburg National Convention, which formed the Free Democratic +party, had finished its labors, a committee waited on the _Visiter_, to +bespeak that support which had already been resolved upon, and soon +after a State Convention in Harrisburg indorsed it by formal resolution +as a party organ. It did its best to spread the principles of the party, +and its services called out commendations, as well as the higher +compliments of stalwart opposition, from the foes of those principles. +Allegheny county was overwhelmingly Whig. The _Visiter_ worked against +the party, and the cry from the Whig press became: + +"Why attack our party? It is better than the Democratic. If you were +honest, you would devote yourself to its destruction, not to that of the +Whig." + +To this, the answer was: + +"The Whig party is a gold-bearing quartz rock, and we mean to pound it +into the smallest possible pieces, in order to get out the gold. The +Democratic party is an old red sandstone, and there is plenty of sand +lying all around about." + +In the summer of 1852 the editor visited the World's Fair, held in New +York, and on her return found the office machinery at a stand-still. She +had a contract with two printers, who, in making it, had given no notice +that they were the irresponsible agents of a union, and therefore had no +right to dispose of their own labor. They professed to be entirely +satisfied with their work and wages, and loath to leave them; but Mars' +Union had cracked his whip, and disobedience was ruin, if not death. For +these poor Pennsylvania self-made slaves the _Visiter_ had no pity, +although they plead for it. It advertised for women to take their +places, stating that its editor was in its composing-room. Other, if not +all other city papers, did likewise, and there was a rush of women to +the printing offices; but ninety out of a hundred had not passed that +stage of development in which women live by wheedling men. Those who +wheedled most winningly got the places, and the result in less than two +months was such a mess of scandal, as drove them, like whipped curs, +back to their kennels; but the editor of the _Visiter_ took a good look +at each of the hundred applicants, and from them selected three, who had +heads, not hat pins, on their shoulders. + +Mr. Riddle was a partner in the _Visiter_, and engaged a woman. The +editor refused to give her a case, when he indignantly said: + +"Women have no mercy on each other. There is that poor woman who has +been trying to make a living at her trade making vests, and is now on +the point of starvation. I have mercy on her, but you have none." + +The answer was: + +"A woman who cannot make a living at one good trade already learned, +will not mend matters by learning another. I do not propose to turn this +office into an eleemosynary establishment. I want the women whom the +work wants, not those who want the work. How long could that weak woman +maintain her respectability among all these men? Would it be any +kindness to put her in a place she is incapable of filling, and where +she must inflict incalculable injury on herself, and the general cause +of woman's right to labor? Do not let your generosity run away with your +judgment." + +My three typos came to be the main stay of the _Journal_, as well as the +only typos of the _Visiter_, for they were the nucleus of an efficient +corps of female type-setters, who held their places until Mr. Riddle's +last illness broke down his establishment. + +Soon after the opening of the Pa.C.R.R., there was a bad accident, one +train running into another in a deep cut, at night; commenting on it the +_Visiter_ suggested a red light on the rear of every train. The +suggestion was accepted immediately, and this is the origin of the red +light signal. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + +SUMNER, BURLINGAME AND CASSIUS M. CLAY. + +The Republican party was organized in Pittsburg, and when it became +national through the Philadelphia convention in the summer of '56, and +nominated Fremont, it seemed that it might injure rather than aid the +party to have a woman take a prominent place in it. The +nurseling--political abolition--was out of its cradle, had grown to +man's estate, and with bearded lip had gone forth to battle, a man among +men. There were honors and emoluments to be won in the cause of the +slave, and no doubt of its final triumph. + +The _Visiter_ had been sold to Mr. Riddle and united with his weekly, +thus extending its circulation, and cutting off the ruinous expense of +its publication. The _Journal_ was thoroughly Republican, and would be +ably conducted. No further need of a page devoted to freedom, when every +page was consecrated to the overthrow of slavery. + +Before taking action, it was best to consult an old subscriber, Charles +Sumner, then on the Allegheny Mountains, recovering from the Brook's +assault. I took baby and went to see him. + +He was domiciled in the family of Dr. Jackson, Pennsylvania State +Geologist, and seemed to be one of it. In the sitting-room were his desk +and lounge, where he wrote or lay and talked, principally with Dr. +Furness, of Philadelphia, who was with him, devoting an ever-growing +store of information to the amusement of his friend. Dr. Jackson was +full of instruction, and no man more ready than Sumner to learn. He held +that all knowledge was useful in adding to one's resources--inquired +minutely about the shoeing of the horse he rode; and over a watermelon +at dessert the doctor gave a lecture on amputation, which became a large +capital to one at least of his hearers, and was of intense interest to +Sumner. + +The children loved him, loved to be near him, and never seemed to be in +his way. Once when a toddling wee thing crept to his side while he was +absorbed in writing, took hold of his clothes, drew herself to his feet +and laid her head against his knee, he placed a weight to hold his +paper, laid his hand on her head and went on with his work. When some +one would have removed her, he looked up and said: + +"Oh, let the little one alone!" + +He spoke with profound admiration of Mrs. Purviance, wife of the member +of Congress from Butler, Pa. Said he was sorry never to have met her. +Her influence in Washington society had been so ennobling that the +friends of freedom owed her a lasting debt of gratitude. She boarded +with her husband at the National where her wealth, independence and +sparkling social qualities made her a recognized leader, while all her +influence was cast upon the right side. He thought the success of the +North in the famous struggle which elected Banks Speaker of the House, +was largely due to Mrs. Purviance. + +He was oppressed with anxiety about Burlingame, who had gone to Canada +to fight a duel, and there was great rejoicing, when he suddenly +appeared one evening after the sun had hidden behind the pine trees. + +He and Sumner met and greeted each other with the abandon of boys. No +duel had been fought, since Brooks, the challenger, had refused to pass +through Pennsylvania to Clifton, the place of meeting, for fear of mob +violence. Even the offer of a safe conduct of troops by the governor, +failed to reassure him, and Burlingame had hurried on to set his +friend's mind at rest. After the general rejoicing, the two sat facing +each other, when Sumner leaned forward, placed a hand on each of +Burlingame's shoulders, and said: + +"Tell me, Anson, you did not mean to shoot that man, did you?" + +Burlingame's head dropped an instant, then raising it, he said, slowly: + +"I intended to take the best aim I could." Here he drew back his right +arm, and took the position of holding a gun, "at the broadest part of +him, his breast; wait for the word, and then--fire!" + +Sumner dropped back in his chair, let his hands fall on his knees and +exclaimed, sorrowfully: + +"Oh, Anson! I did not believe it." + +Burlingame's eyes filled with tears, and he said: + +"Charles, I saw you lying bleeding and insensible on the Senate floor, +when I did not expect ever again to hear you speak; and I intended then +to kill him. I tell you, Charles, we have got to meet those fellows with +guns, some day, and the sooner we begin, the better." On being +consulted, both these champions of the right said the _Visiter_ must not +desert the cause. Sumner added solemnly: + +"The slave never had more need of it; never had more need of you." + +So that editor went on with her work, feeling such an opinion as almost +a divine call. + +In talking with Mr. Sumner during that visit, I learned that the same +doctor attended both President Harrison and President Taylor in their +last illness, and used his professional authority to prevent their +friends seeing them until the fatal termination of their illness was +certain. Also, that it was that same doctor who was within call when +Brooks made his assault on Sumner, took charge of the case, and made an +official statement that the injury was very slight, gave it a +superficial dressing, and sought to exclude every one from the room of +his patient. Said Sumner: + +"I shuddered when I recovered consciousness, and found this man beside +me." + +He dismissed him promptly, and did not hesitate to say that he believed +he would not have recovered under his treatment. When the South seceded, +this useful man left Washington and joined the Confederacy. + +The campaign of 1856 was very spirited. A large mass meeting was held in +Pittsburg, and Cassius M. Clay was the orator of the occasion. He was at +the heighth of a great national popularity, and seemed as if any honor +might be open to him. He dined that evening with Robert Palmer, of +Allegheny, and a small party of friends. The house was brilliantly +lighted, and at the table, while Clay was talking, and every one in gala +day spirits, the light suddenly went out, and what a strange sensation +fell on one guest--a feeling of coming evil. + +There was no re-lighting. The gas had failed, prophetic of the going out +of that brilliant career, and its slow ending in the glimmer of a single +candle. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + +FINANCE AND DESERTION. + +The _Pittsburg Saturday Visiter_ began life with two subscribers, and in +the second year reached six thousand, but was always a heavy drain on my +income. My domestic duties made it impossible I could give any attention +to the business department, and I was glad, at the close of the first +year, to transfer a half interest to Mr. Riddle, who became equal +partner and co-editor. At the end of the second year he proposed to buy +my interest, unite the _Visiter_ with his weekly, and pay me a salary +for editing a page. + +Had the proposal been made directly to me, I should have accepted at +once, but it was made through my brother-in-law, William Swisshelm, who +had been clerk and business manager of the _Visiter_ for eighteen +months. He advised me not to accept; said the paper was netting fifteen +hundred a year, and that if I would retain my interest he would purchase +Mr. Riddle's, get type, have all the work done in a separate +establishment, and make it a decided success. + +I was afraid of this arrangement, but was anxious to keep up the paper +as a separate publication, and agreed on condition that he would assume +the entire financial responsibility, keep my interest at Mr. Riddle's +valuation, and leave me no further risk than my services. If there were +profits, we would share them; if none, I got no pay, as usual, but sunk +no money. To make the changes he desired, I loaned him money until I had +most of my small estate invested, and supposed the paper was prospering +until suddenly informed that the sheriff was about to sell it. We +transferred it to Mr. Riddle, with my services two years in advance, to +pay the debts, and I wrote for the New York _Tribune_, at five dollars a +column, to meet my personal expenses, as my income from my property was +gone. + +I forget at what time the _Visiter_ was united to the weekly _Journal;_ +but very soon after the presidential campaign of '52, I learned that my +late partner had endorsed several notes which were not likely to be paid +by the persons who gave them, and that one of these was already entered +as a lien against his interest in the family estate. We had had no +settlement, so I went to my lawyer, William M. Shinn, who said that the +entire interest of my debtor in his father's will was worth less than my +claim since his death, without heirs, before his mother transferred his +share to the other heirs. He advised me, if possible, to get a deed of +that share as the only security for which I could hope. I directed him +to prepare it, went immediately to the office, saw my late partner, and +told him that if he did not execute that deed, I would sue him for a +settlement before I left the city. He did, and I took it home early in +the afternoon. In March '57, I resigned my place on the _Family Journal +and Visiter_, feeling that my public work was over, and that no life +save one of absolute solitude was possible for me. + +I had lived over twenty years without the legal right to be alone one +hour--to have the exclusive use of one foot of space--to receive an +unopened letter, or to preserve a line of manuscript + + "From sharp and sly inspection." + +In the latter half of the nineteenth century, a Pennsylvania court +decided that a husband had a right to open and read any communication +addressed to his wife. Living as I did, under this law I had burned the +private journal kept in girlhood, and the letters received from my +brother, mother, sister and other friends, to preserve their contents +from the comments of the farm laborers and female help, who, by common +custom, must eat at our table and take part in our conversation. At the +office I had received, read and burned, without answer, letters from +some of the most prominent men and women of the era; letters which would +be valuable history to-day; have, therefore, no private papers, and +write this history, except a few public dates, entirely from memory. + +Into the mists some rays of light penetrated, and by them I saw that the +marriage contract by which I was bound, was that one which I had made +and which secured my liberty of conscience and voice in choosing a home. + +The fraud by which church, and state substituted that bond made for +Saxon swine-herds, who ate boar's heads, lived in unchinked houses and +wore brass collars, in the days when Alfred the Great was king, was +such as would vitiate any other contract, and must annul even that of +marriage; but, granting that it was binding, it must bind both parties, +and had been broken by the party of the other part through failure to +comply with its requirements. + +Our marriage had been a mistake, productive of mutual injury; but for +one, it was not too late to repair the wrong. He, a man in the prime of +life, with unspotted reputation, living without labor, on the income of +a patrimonial estate, to which he had made large additions, could easily +find a help-mate for him; one who could pad matrimonial fetters with +those devices by which husbands are managed. My desertion would leave +him free to make a new choice, and I could more easily earn a living +alone. + +The much-coveted and long-delayed birth of a living child appeared to +have barred my appeal to this last resort, but the mother's right to the +custody of her infant is one I would defend to the taking of life. + +My husband would consent to no separation, and we had a struggle for my +separate, personal property or its equivalent; a struggle in which Wm. M. +Shinn was my lawyer, and Judge Mellon his, and in which I secured my +piano by replevin, Dr. John Scott being my bondsman, and learned that I +might not call a porter into the house to remove my trunk. I therefore +got my clothing, some books, china and bedding by stealth, and the +assistance of half a dozen families of neighbors. + +A test suit as to my right to support was decided in 1859, and in it a +judge in my native city, charged the jury that: "If a wife have no +dress and her husband refuse to provide one, she may purchase one--a +plain dress--not silk, or lace, or any extravagance; if she have no +shoes, she may get a pair; if she be sick and he refuse to employ a +physician, she may send for one, and get the medicine he may prescribe; +and for these necessaries the husband is liable, but here his liability +ceases." + +The suit was about goods I had purchased by my lawyer's advice--two +black silk dresses, a thirty dollar shawl, a dozen pairs black kid +gloves, stockings, flannel, linen, half dozen yards white Brussels lace, +any one of which would have outlawed the bill, even if I had gone in an +Eden costume to make the purchase; but being clothed when I made my +appearance at the counter, the merchant could not plead that I "had no +dress," and lost his case. + +In a subsequent suit carried up to the Supreme Court and decided in '68, +it was proved that my husband had forbidden our merchant to credit me on +his account, and the merchant's books presented in court showed that for +twelve years he had kept two separate accounts, one against my husband +and one against me. On his were charged clothing for himself, mother, +brothers and employes, common groceries, etc.; while on mine were +entered all my clothing, all high-priced tea, white sugar, etc., all +tableware, fine cutlery, table linen, bedding, curtains and towels; on +his were, credits for farm products; on mine, only cash; and he was +credited with butter and eggs on the same day that I was charged with +bed-ticking and towels. My personal expenses from Nov. 18, '36, the date +of our marriage, until Nov. 18, '56, twenty years, averaged less than +fifty dollars a year. All my husband's labor for all his life, and mine +for twenty years, with a large part of my separate property, had gone to +swell his mother's estate, on the proceeds of which she kept her +carriage and servants until she died, aged ninety-four, while I earned a +living for myself and his only child. + +I left Pittsburg with my baby about the 20th of May, '57, and went by +boat to St. Paul. Before leaving, I went to settle with Mr. Riddle and +say goodbye, and found him much troubled. He said: + +"Why is it I have known nothing of all this? I did not dream there was +anything wrong in your domestic relations, and may have been selfish and +inconsiderate." + +My husband, mine no more, came upon the boat while she lay at the wharf, +held baby on his knee and wept over her; when the last bell rang, he +bade me good-bye; carried her to the gangway, held her to the last +moment, then placed her in my arms, sprang ashore and hurried up the +wharf. He would, I think, have carried her off, but that he knew she +would break his heart crying for mother before I could get to her. + +He had once taken her away in a fit of anger and walked the floor with +her most of the night, seriously alarmed for her life, and could not +venture on that experiment again. He loved her most tenderly, and his +love was as tenderly returned. Since, as a duty to her, I was careful to +teach her to "honor thy father" on earth as well as in heaven. + +Had he and I gone into the pine woods, as he proposed, upon marriage; +had we been married under an equitable law or had he emigrated to +Minnesota, as he proposed, before I thought of going, there would have +been no separation; but after fifteen years in his mother's house I must +run away or die, and leave my child to a step-mother. So I ran away. He +thought I would return; enlarged and improved the house, wrote and +waited for us; could make no deed without my signature; I would sign +none, and after three years he got a divorce for desertion. In '70 he +married again, and I having, voluntarily, assumed the legal guilt of +breaking my marriage contract, do cheerfully accept the legal penalty--a +life of celibacy--bringing no charge against him who was my husband, +save that he was not much better than the average man. Knew his rights, +and knowing sought to maintain them against me; while, in some respects, +he was to me incalculably more than just. Years after I left him, he +said to our neighbor, Miss Hawkins, when speaking of me: + +"I believe she is the best woman God ever made, and we would have had no +trouble but for her friends." + +My sister had removed with her husband to St. Cloud, Minnesota, and +through him I had secured forty acres of land on the shore of one of a +nest of lovely lakes, lying on the east side of the Mississippi, twelve +miles from St. Cloud. On this little farm I would build a cabin of +tamarac logs, with the bark on and the ends sticking out at the corners +criss-cross. My cabin would have one room and a loft, each with a floor +of broad rough boards well jointed, and a ladder to go from one to the +other. It would have an open fire-place, a rough flag hearth, and a +rustic porch, draped with hop vines and wild roses. I would have a +boat, catch fish and raise poultry. No sound of strife should ever come +into my cabin but those of waves, winds, birds and insects. Ah, what a +paradise it would be! + +I had not yet learned that every human soul is a Shunamite, "a company +of two armies," and wherever there is one, there is strife. + + To live is to contend, + And life is finished when contentions end. + +At St. Paul I took a stage, and night came on when we were still twenty +miles from St. Cloud. The wolves stood and looked at the stage, and I +knew they were between me and my hermitage; but they were only prairie +wolves, and all day my cabin had been growing more and more beautiful. +The lakes, the flowers, the level prairies and distant knolls, but most +of all the oak openings were enchanting, and in one of these my cabin +would stand. + +The passengers talked politics and I talked too, and one man said to me: + +"Did you say you were going to St. Cloud? + +"Yes." + +"Well, I tell you, madam, them sentiments of yours won't go down there. +Gen. Lowrie don't allow no abolition in these parts and he lives in St. +Cloud." + +I had had many surprises, but few to equal this; had heard of Gen. +Lowrie as a man of immense wealth and influence, but no one had hinted +at this view of his character. I had thought of him as the friend of my +friends; but as the other passengers were confirming this account and I +watching the wolves, there flashed across my mind the thought: "This is +a broad country; but if this be true, there is not room in it for Gen. +Lowrie and me." + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + +MY HERMITAGE. + +It was midnight before we reached East St. Cloud, and the ferry-boat had +stopped running, so that it was a bright morning the 7th of June when I +found myself in half a dozen pairs of loving arms. In a few days we made +an excursion to the site of my cabin. It was more beautiful than I had +thought. On the opposite side of the lake lived Captain Briggs, with a +head full of sea-stories, and a New England wife. My hermitage would be +greatly improved by such neighbors only one mile distant, and as the +captain had lately killed two large bears between his house and the site +of mine, there would soon be no more bears. But I must have the loft of +my cabin large enough for several beds, as the children insisted on +spending their summers with me. Brother Harry bespoke a second room, for +he would want a place to stay all night when out hunting with his +friends, and my hermitage began to grow into a hotel. + +I had commenced arrangements with workmen, when Harry said to me: + +"Sis, Elizabeth and I have talked this matter over, and if you persist, +we will take out a writ of lunacy. There is not a man in this territory +who would not say on oath, that you are insane to think of going where +the bears would eat you if the Indians did not kill you. The troops are +ordered away from the forts; you'll get frontier life enough with us, +for we are going to have music with the Indians." + +Next day the troops from Fort Ripley marched past, on their way to +Kansas, to put down the Free State party. Bleeding Kansas was called on +for more blood, and United States soldiers were to sacrifice the friends +of freedom on the altar of slavery. The people of Minnesota were left +without protection from savages, that the people of Kansas might be +given over to the tender mercies of men no less barbarous than the +Sioux. + +I had run away from the irrepressible conflict, feeling that my work was +done; had fled to the great Northwest--forever consecrated to freedom by +solemn act and deed of the nation--thinking I should see no more of our +national curse, when here it confronted me as it had never done before. + +My cabin perished in a night, like Jonah's gourd--perished that liberty +might be crushed in Kansas; for without a garrison at Fort Ripley, my +project was utterly insane. + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + +THE MINNESOTA DICTATOR. + +Every day, from my arrival in St. Cloud, evidence had been accumulating +of the truth of that stage-whisper about Gen. Lowrie, who lived in a +semi-barbaric splendor, in an imposing house on the bank of the +Mississippi, where he kept slaves, bringing them from and returning +them to his Tennessee estate, at his convenience, and no man saying him +nay. + +He owned immense tracts of land; had and disposed of all the government +contracts he pleased; traveled over Europe with his salaried physician; +said to this man "go," and he went, to that "come," and he came, and to +a third "do this," and it was done. But of all his commands "go" was +most potent; for, as president of a claim club, his orders to +pre-emptors were enforced by Judge Lynch. He never condescended to go to +Congress, but sent an agent; furnished all the Democratic votes that +could possibly be wanted in any emergency, and nobody wondered when a +good list came from a precinct in which no one lived. + +Republicans on their arrival in his dominion, were converted to the +Democratic faith, fast as sinners to Christianity in a Maffitt meeting, +and those on whom the spirit fell not, kept very quiet. People had gone +there to make homes, not to fight the Southern tiger, and any attempt +against such overwhelming odds seemed madness, for Lowrie's dominion was +largely legitimate. He was one of those who are born to command--of +splendid physique and dignified bearing, superior intellect and mesmeric +fascination. His natural advantages had been increased by a liberal +education; he had been brought up among slaves, lived among Indians as +agent and interpreter, felt his own superiority, and asserted it with +the full force of honest conviction. + +On all hands he was spoken of as Dictator, and there was both love and +respect mingled with the fear by which he governed. His father was a +Presbyterian minister, who taught that slavery was divine, and both +were generous and lenient masters. He was the embodiment of the slave +power. All its brute force, pious pretenses, plausibility, chivalry, all +the good and bad of the Southern character; all the weapons of the army +of despotism were concentrated in this man, the friend of my friends, +the man who stood ready to set me on the pinnacle of social distinction +by his recognition. Across the body of the prostrate slave lay the road +to wealth, and many good men had shut their eyes and stepped over. + +The territorial government under Buchanan was a mere tool of slavery. +Every federal officer was a Southerner, or a Northern man with Southern +principles. Government gold flowed freely in that channel, and to the +eagles Gen. Lowrie had but to say, as to his other servants, "come," and +they flew into his exchequer. + +So thoroughly was Minnesota under the feet of slavery, that in +September, '60--after we thought the State redeemed--the house of +William D. Babbitt, in Minneapolis, was surrounded from midnight until +morning by a howling mob, stoning it, firing guns and pistols, +attempting to force doors and windows, and only prevented gaining +entrance by the solidity of the building and the bravery of its defense. +It was thus besieged because its owner and occupant had dared interfere +to execute the common law in favor of freedom. + +Minneapolis and its twin-city St. Anthony each had a large first-class +hotel, to which Southern people resorted in summer, bringing their +slaves, holding them often for months, and taking them back to the +South, no one daring to make objection; until one woman, Eliza Winston, +appealed to Mr. Babbitt, who took her into court, where Judge Vanderbilt +decreed her freedom, on the ground that her claimant had forfeited his +title by bringing her into a free State. + +At the rendering of this decree, Rev. Knickerbocker, rector of the only +Protestant Episcopal Church in the city, arose in open court, and +charged the judge with giving an unrighteous judgment. He condemned the +law as at war with Scripture and the rights of the master, and its +enforcement as injurious to the best interests of the community. It was +the old story of Demetrius; and the people, already keenly alive to the +profit of boarding Southern families with their servants, were glad to +have a mantle of piety thrown over their love of gain. The court room +was packed, and under the eloquent appeal of the reverend gentleman, it +soon became evident the populace would make a rush, take the woman out +of the hands of the law, and deliver her to the master. + +She and her friends had about lost hope, when an unlooked for diversion +called attention from them. The red head of "Bill King," afterwards +post-master of the U.S. House of Representatives, arose, like the +burning bush at the foot of Mount Horeb, and his stentorian voice poured +forth such a torrent of denunciation on priest-craft, such a flood of +solid swearing against the insolence and tyranny of ecclesiasticism, +that people were surprised into inactivity, until Mr. Babbitt got the +woman in his carriage and drove off with her. + +There could no longer be a question of her legal right to her own body +and soul; but her friends knew that the law of freedom had lain too long +dormant to be enforced now without further serious opposition, and Mr. +Babbitt brought into use his old training on the underground railroad to +throw the blood-hounds off the scent, so secreted the woman in the house +of Prof. Stone, and prepared his own strong residence to bear a siege. +For that siege preparations were made by the clerical party during the +afternoon and evening, without any effort at concealment, and to brute +force the besieging party added brute cunning. + +It was known that in my lecturing tours, I was often Mr. Babbitt's +guest, and might arrive at any hour. So, shortly after midnight, the +doorbell was rung, when Mr. Babbitt inquired: + +"Who is there?" + +"Mrs. Swisshelm.' + +"It is not Mrs. Swisshelm's voice?" + +"William Griffin (a colored porter) is with her." + +"It is not William Griffin's voice." + +Then, for the first time, there were signs of a multitude on the porch, +and with an oath the speaker replied: + +"We want that slave." + +"You cannot have her." + +A rush was made to burst in the door, but it was of solid walnut and +would not yield, when the assailants brought fenceposts to batter it in, +and were driven back by a shot from a revolver in the hall. The mob +retired to a safer distance, and the leader--mine host of a first-class +hotel--mounted the carriage-block and harangued his followers on the +sacred duty of securing the financial prosperity of the two cities by +restoring Eliza Winston to her owners, and made this distinct +declaration of principles: + +"I came to this State with five thousand dollars; have but five hundred +left, but will spend the last cent to see 'Bill' Babbitt's heart's +blood." + +After which heroic utterance a fresh volley of stones and shots were +fired, and fresh rush made for doors and windows. The sidelights of the +front door had been shattered, and one burly ruffian thrust himself +halfway in, but stuck, when a defender leveled a revolver at his head, +and said to Mrs. Babbitt, who was then in command of the hall, while her +husband defended the parlor windows: + +"Shall I shoot him?" + +"Yes, shoot him like a dog." + +But Mrs. Edward Messer, her sister, who knew Mr. Babbitt's dread of +taking life, knocked the pistol up and struck the ruffian's head with a +stick, when it was withdrawn, and again the mob fell back and resorted +to stones and sticks and oaths and howlings and gunshots, and threats of +firing the house. + +Mrs. Babbitt thought that personal appeals might bring citizens to the +rescue, and in an interval of black darkness between lightning flashes, +escaped through a back cellar way, and had almost reached the shelter of +a cornfield adjoining the garden, when the lightning revealed her and +three men started in pursuit. It was two months before the birth of one +of her children, and Mr. Elliott, a neighbor who was hastening to the +rescue, saw her danger and ran to engage her pursuers. Stumbling through +the corn, he encountered one and cudgeled him, but all were separated +by the darkness. Mrs. Babbitt, however, succeeded in reaching the more +thickly settled portion of the city, and the first man she called upon +for help, replied: + +"You have made your bed--lie in it!" + +The sheriff came, with two or three men, and talked to the mob, which +dispersed before daylight, with open threats to "have Babbitt's heart's +blood," and for months his family lived in momentary apprehension of his +murder. For months he was hooted at in the streets of Minneapolis as +"nigger thief," and called "Eliza." No arrests were made, and he has +always felt it fortunate that Mrs. Messer prevented the shooting of the +man in the side-light, as he thinks to this day that in the state of +public sentiment, the man firing the shot would have been hanged for +murder by any Hennepin county jury, and his home razed to the ground or +burned. + +Eliza Winston was sent by underground railroad to Canada, because +Minnesota, in the year of grace, 1860, could not or would not defend the +freedom of one declared free by decision of her own courts. + +When such events were actual facts in '60, near the center of the State, +under a Republican administration, what was the condition of public +sentiment in the northern portion of the territory in '57, when there +was scarce a pretense of law or order, and the Southern democracy held +absolute sway? I soon understood the situation; had known for years that +the Southern threats, which Northern men laughed at as "tin kettle +thunder," were the desperate utterances of lawless men, in firm alliance +with the "Hierarchy of Rome for the overthrow of this Republic." + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + +ANOTHER VISITER. + +George Brott was proprietor of lower St. Cloud and had started a paper, +_The Advertiser_, to invite immigration. There were two practical +printers in town, both property-owners, both interested in its growth, +and when the resources of _The Advertiser_ had been consumed and they +had had union rates for work done on it, they fell back on their dignity +and did nothing. They had enlisted in the wrong army, did not belong +with this band of pioneers, making its way against savage beasts and +men. They were soldiers of a union whose interests were all opposed to +those of St. Cloud, so they were looking on, waiting to see if the great +need of a paper would not compel their neighbors to pay tribute to their +union. + +Mr. Brott asked me if I would take charge of a paper and take town lots +for a salary. I told him I was an abolitionist. He laughed, and said: + +"A lady has a right to be of whatever politics she pleases," and went on +to say, that if I could recommend Minnesota to emigrants, and St. Cloud +as a town site, he cared nothing for my opinions on other points. He +thought we might unite all the town proprietors, and so raise money to +pay the printers, so I wrote to each one, asking his support to the St. +Cloud _Visiter_, as an advertising medium. All, save Gen. Lowrie, were +prompt in making favorable response; but from him I had not heard, when +there had been three issues of the paper. Mr. Brott was in the office, +and I said: + +"There is one thing more. I feel that some day I will attack Gen. +Lowrie, who is your friend. He will set Shepley on me; I will make short +work of him. Then we will have a general melee, and I will clear out +that clique. Shepley is your lawyer, and I do not want to use your press +in that way without your consent." + +While I spoke, his jaw dropped and he sat staring at me in literal +open-mouthed wonder, then threw back his head, laughed heartily and +said: + +"Oh, go ahead! I bake no bread in any of their ovens!" + +Very soon I had a letter from Gen. Lowrie, saying: + +"I myself will give the St. Cloud _Visiter_ a support second to that of +no paper in the territory, if it will support Buchanan's administration. +Otherwise I can do nothing." + +I had not finished reading, when the thought came: "Now I have you." Yet +still I knew it looked like, ah, very like a man catching a whale with a +fish hook secured to his own person, when there were a hundred chances +to one that the whale had caught him. I replied that the St. Cloud +_Visiter_ would support Mr. Buchanan's administration, since it could +not live without Gen. Lowrie's assistance, and such was his ultimatum. + +On the second day after that contract was made, brother Harry came, all +trembling with rage, and said: + +"Lowrie is telling all over town that he has bought you, and that the +_Visiter_ is to support Buchanan!" + +"It is true," was the astounding answer, when he said bad words, rushed +from the room and slammed the door. Then followed ten days, the only +ones since he became my brother when he would not call me "Sis." +Elizabeth said: + +"I would have seen Lowrie and his money in the bottom of the sea, first! +What would mother say?" + +The next issue of the _Visiter_ made no allusion to its change of base, +and there was plenty of time to discuss the question. Those who knew my +record refused to believe I had sold out, and took bets on it. However, +the next number contained an editorial which relieved the minds of +friends, but which created the gravest apprehension. It stated that the +_Visiter_ would, in future, support Buchanan's administration, and went +on to state the objects of that administration as being the entire +subversion of Freedom and the planting of Slavery in every State and +Territory, so that Toombs could realize his boast, and call the roll of +his slaves at the foot of Bunker Hill. It reminded its readers that John +Randolph had said in the United States Senate when speaking to Northern +men: + +"We have driven you to the wall, and will drive you there again, and +next time we will keep you there and nail you to the counter like base +money." + +Mr. Buchanan, a Northern man, had fulfilled the prediction. Henry Clay +had said that Northern workingmen were "mudsills, greasy mechanics and +small-fisted farmers." These mudsills had been talking of voting +themselves farms; but it would be much more appropriate if they would +vote themselves masters. Southern laborers were blessed with kind +masters, and Mr. Buchanan and the St. Cloud _Visiter_ were most anxious +that Northern laborers should be equally well provided for. + +When the paper was read, there was a cry of "Sold! Sold! Lowrie had sold +himself instead of buying the _Visiter_." At first there was a laugh, +then a dead stillness of dread, and men looked at me as one doomed. + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + +BORDER RUFFIANISM. + +In Lowrie's first ebulition of wrath, he vowed vengeance, but an +intimate friend of his, who had been a Democrat in Pittsburg, begged him +to do nothing and said: + +"Let her alone, for God's sake! Let her alone, or she will kill you. I +know her, and you do not. She has killed every man she ever touched. Let +her alone!" + +But Lowrie knew it was too late for letting alone, and sent me a verbal +message, by one he knew I would believe, that I must stop or the +consequences would be fatal. Stopping was no part of my plan, and so I +told his messenger. + +The second number of Buchanan's organ explained how it was that I became +a supporter of a policy I had so long opposed. Gen. Lowrie owned +Northern Minnesota, land and inhabitants, bought folks up as fast as +they came to it, and had bought me. He was going to support the +_Visiter_ great power and glory, if it gave satisfaction as a democratic +organ. I would work hard for the money, and it would be odd if any one +gave Mr. Buchanan a more enthusiastic support than I. Indeed, I was his +only honest supporter. All the others pretended he was going to do +something quite foreign to his purpose, while I was in his confidence. +The one sole object of his administration was the perpetuation and +spread of slavery, and this object the _Visiter_ would support with the +best arguments in its power. + +This was vitriol dressing on a raw wound, and the suppression of the +_Visiter_ was expected by Judge Lynch. Brave men held their breath to +see me beard the lion in his den, not knowing my armor as I did. + +Then came an announcement with a great flourish of trumpets of a lecture +on "Woman," by the Hon. Shepley, the great legal light and democratic +orator of Minnesota. The lecture was delivered in due time to a densely +packed house, and was as insulting as possible. The lecture divided +women into four classes--coquettes, flirts, totally depraved, and +strong-minded. He painted each class and found some redeeming trait in +all save the last. + +The speaker might as well have named me as the object of his attack, and +his charges thus publicly made were not to be misunderstood. At every +point there were rounds and shouts of applause by clacquers, and brother +Harry once rose in a towering rage, but I dragged him down and begged +him to keep quiet. + +In my review of the lecture, I praised it, commended its eloquence and +points, but suggested that the learned gentleman had not included all +women in his classification. For instance, he had left out the frontier +belle who sat up all night playing cards with gentlemen; could beat any +man at a game of poker, and laugh loud enough to be heard above the +roaring of a river. In this I struck at gambling as a social amusement, +which was then rapidly coming into fashion in our little city, and which +to me was new and alarming. + +Mr. Shepley pretended to think that the picture resembled his wife, and +this idea was seized upon as drowning men catch at straws. Behind this +they sought to conceal the whole significance of the quarrel. Gen. +Lowrie cared not for my attacks on himself. Oh, no, indeed! He was +suddenly seized by a fit of chivalry, and would defend to the death, a +lady whom he had never seen. + +An effort was made to dispose of me by mob, as a means of clearing the +moral atmosphere of the city. It was being discussed in a grocery while +"Tom" Alden lay on the counter. He rose, brought down his big fist, and +with a preface of oaths, said: + +"Now, boys, I tell you what it is. We're Democrats. This is a fight +between her and Lowrie, and we're going to see fair play. If she licks +him, let him take it. No woman is going to be mobbed in this city! So +there!" + +Gen. Lowrie hid an uncle who lived with him, a very eccentric, +single-minded man, who was greatly distressed about the affair, and who +became a messenger bent on making peace. He begged me to desist for +Lowrie's sake, that I might not drive him to cover himself with shame, +and bring lasting regret. He insisted that I knew nothing of the dangers +which environed me; I would be secretly murdered, with personal +indignities; would be tied to a log and set afloat on the Mississippi. +I had no wish to court danger--shrank from the thought of brute force; +but if I let this man escape, his power, now tottering, would be +re-established; slavery triumphant in the great Northwest; Minnesota +confirmed a democratic strong-hold, sending delegates of dough-faces to +Congress to aid in the great conspiracy against the nation's life. So I +told the messenger that I would continue to support Buchanan's +administration, that I would pile my support upon it until it broke down +under the weight and sunk into everlasting infamy. + +The night after I had sent this, as my final answer to the offer of +leniency, the _Visiter_ was visited by three men in the "wee sma' hours, +anent the twal," the press broken, some of the type thrown into the +river, some scattered on the road, and this note left on the table: + +"If you ever again attempt to publish a paper in St. Cloud, you yourself +will be as summarily dealt with as your office has been.----VIGILANCE." + +The morning brought intense excitement and the hush of a great fear. Men +walked down to the bank of the great Mississippi, looked at the little +wrecked office standing amid the old primeval forest, as if it were a +great battle-ground, and the poor little type were the bodies of the +valiant dead. They only spoke in whispers, and stood as if in +expectation of some great event, until Judge Gregory arrived, and said, +calmly: + +"Gentlemen, this is an outrage which must be resented. The freedom of +the press must be established if we do not want our city to become the +center of a gang of rowdies who will drive all decent people away and +cut off immigration. I move that we call a public meeting at the Stearns +House this evening, to express the sentiments of the people at St. +Cloud." + +This motion was carried unanimously, but very quietly, and I said: + +"Gentlemen, I will attend that meeting and give a history of this +affair." + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + +SPEAK IN PUBLIC. + +At length the time had come when I could no longer skulk behind a +printing press. That bulwark had been torn down, and now I must +literally open my mouth for the dumb, or be one of those dogs spoken of +in Scripture who would not bark. The resolve to speak at that meeting +had come in an instant as a command not to be questioned, and I began to +prepare. James McKelvey, a lawyer, and nephew of my husband, drew my +will and I executed it, settled my business and wrote a statement of the +_Visiter_ trouble that it might live if I ceased to do so, then went to +bed, sent for Miles Brown to come to my room, and saw him alone. + +He was a Pennsylvanian, who had the reputation of being a dead shot, and +had a pair of fine revolvers. He pledged himself solemnly to go with me +and keep near me, and shoot me square through the brain, if there was no +other way of preventing me falling alive into the hands of the mob. My +mind was then at ease, and I slept until my mail was brought. In it was +a letter from William M. Shinn, saying that without his knowledge, my +husband had succeeded in having my one-third interest in the Swissvale +estate sold at sheriff's sale, and had become the purchaser. Mr. Shinn +added his opinion that the sale was fraudulent, and proposed entering +suit to have it set aside; but I could attend to no suit and lost all +hope of saving anything from my separate estate. Surely the hand of the +Lord lay heavily upon me that day, but I never doubted that it was His +hand. The Good Shepherd would lead me and feed me and I should know no +want. + +When it was time to go to the meeting, I was dressed by other hands than +my own. I knew Harry and my brother-in-law, Henry Swisshelm, had +organized for defense, and asked no questions, but went with them. +Elizabeth carried her camphor bottle as coolly as if mobs and public +meetings were things of every day life, while Mrs. Hyke, a New England +woman, held my arm, saying: + +"We'll have a nice time in the river together, for I am going in with +you. They can't separate us." + +As we approached the Stearns House, the crowd thickened and pressed upon +us. Harry stopped and said: + +"Gentlemen, stand back, if you please!" + +The guard closed around me, every man with his hand on his revolver. +There were oaths and growls, but the mob gave way, and made no further +opposition to our entrance. + +The meeting was called to order by Thomas Stearns, the owner of the +house and for whom the county had been named, who with his brave wife +had made every possible arrangement for the meeting. The large parlors +were packed with women, and every other foot of space downstairs and +even up, were filled with men, while around the house was a crowd. It +was a wonder where all the people could have come from. A rostrum had +been erected at the end of the parlor next the hall, but I had no sooner +taken it than there was an ominous murmur outside, and it was discovered +that my head made a tempting target for a shot through the front door, +so the rostrum was moved out of range. + +There was not much excitement until I named Gen. Lowrie and two other +men as the persons who had destroyed the _Visiter_ office. Then there +was a perfect howl of oaths and cat-calls. Gen. Lowrie was on the ground +himself, loading his forces outside. A rush was made, stones hurled +against the house, pistols fired, and every woman sprang to her feet, +but it was to hear and see, not shriek. Harry held the doorway into the +hall; Henry that into the dining room. Brown had joined Harry, and I +said in a low, concentrated voice: + +"Brown." + +He turned and pressed up to the rostrum. + +"Don't fail me! Don't leave me! Remember!" + +"I remember! Don't be afraid! I'll do it! But I'm going to do some other +shooting first." + +"Save two bullets for me!" I plead, "and shoot so that I can see you." + +"I will, I will," but all the time he was looking to the door; Mrs. Hyke +was clinging to me sobbing: + +"We'll go together; no one can part us." The mob were pressed back and +comparative quiet restored, and when I finished the reading of my +address I began to extemporize. What I said seemed to be the right words +at the right time. A hushed attention fell upon the audience, inside and +out. Then there was applause inside, which called forth howls from the +outside, and when I stepped from the platform, I was overwhelmed with +congratulations, and more astonished than any one, to learn that I could +speak in public. + +T.H. Barrett, a young civil engineer, was chairman of the committee on +resolutions, and brought in a set which thrilled the audience. They were +a most indignant denunciation of the destruction of the office, an +enthusiastic endorsement of the course of the _Visiter_, and a +determination to re-establish it, under the sole control of its editor. +They were passed singly by acclamation until the last, when I protested +that they should take time to think--should consider if it were not +better to get another editor. There could be no peace with me in the +editorial chair, for I was an abolitionist and would light slavery and +woman-whippers to the death, and after it. There was a universal +response of "Good! Good! give it to 'em, and we'll stand by you." + +This was the beginning of the final triumph of free speech, but the end +was yet in the dim distance, and this I knew then as well as afterwards. +T.H. Barrett, who carried that meeting, is the man who fought the last +battle of the Rebellion at the head of his negro troops away down in +Texas, ten days after Lee's surrender, and before that news had reached +him, Brown was charged with cowardice, in having kept back among the +women, and I had to explain on his account. + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + +A FAMOUS VICTORY. + +The day after the Stearns House meeting, I was thought to be dying. All +that medical skill and loving hands could do was done to draw me from +the dark valley into which I seemed to have passed; while those men who +had planted themselves and their rifles between me and death by +violence, came on tip-toe to know if I yet lived. When I was able to be +out it was not thought safe for me to do so--not even to cross the +street and sit on the high green bank which overlooked the river. Harry +was constantly armed and on guard, and a pistol shot from his house, +night or day, would have brought a score of armed men in a very short +time. + +A printing company had been formed to re-establish the _Visiter_. In it +were forty good men and true, and they sent an agent to Chicago to buy +press and type. The St. Cloud _Visiter_ was to begin a new life as the +mouthpiece of the Republican party, and I was no longer a scout, +conducting a war on the only rational plan of Indian warfare. I begged +my friends to stand abide and leave Lowrie and me to settle the trouble, +saying to them: + +"I cannot fight behind ramparts of friends. I must take the risks +myself, must have an open field. Protect me from brute force and give me +moral aid, but stand aside." + +But they were full of enthusiasm, and would bear the brunt of battle. +There were open threats of the destruction of the new press, and it was +no time to quit the field. Of the first number of the resurrected +_Visiter_, the St. Cloud Printing Co. was publisher, and I sole editor. +I prepared the contents very carefully, that they might not give +unnecessary offense, dropped the role of supporting Buchanan, and tried +to make a strong Republican paper of the abolition type, and in the +leader gave a history of the destruction of my office. + +The paper gave great satisfaction to the publishers, who had not thought +I could be so calm; but Lowrie threatened a libel suit for my history of +that outrage, and I said to the printing company: + +"You must get out of my way or I will withdraw." + +At once they gave me a bill of sale for the press and material, and of +the second number I was sole editor and proprietor, but it was too late. +The libel suit was brought, damages laid at $10,000, and every lawyer in +that upper country retained for the prosecution. + +This was in the spring of '58. The two years previous the country had +been devastated by grasshoppers, and no green thing had escaped. There +was no old grain, the mass of people had been speculating in town lots, +and such had been the demand for city charters, that a wag moved in +legislature to reserve one-tenth of the land of Minnesota for +agricultural purposes. The territorial had just been exchanged for a +state government, which was not yet in working order. The capital of +every man in the printing company was buried in corner lots, or lots +which were not on a corner. The wolves and bears cared nothing for +surveyor's stakes, and held possession of most of the cities, howling +defiance at the march of civilization. The troops were still in Kansas +establishing slavery, and we lived in a constant state of alarm. The men +were organized for defense against Indians, and must do picket duty. All +the money was in the hands of the enemy. Citizens had everything to buy +and nothing to buy it with. Provisions were brought up from St. Paul by +wagon, except when a boat could come from St. Anthony. Those men of the +company who were especially marked, were men of families, and it is hard +to starve children for the freedom of the press. The nearest court was +St. Anthony. Any defense of that suit must be ruinous to those men, and +I advised them to compromise. + +A committee was appointed to meet six lawyers, and were in despair when +they learned the ultimatum of the great Dictator. With the terms +demanded, they had no inclination to comply, but sent J. Fowler to me +with the contract they were required to sign. + +This bound the company in a bond of $10,000 actual payment, that the +_St. Cloud Visiter_ should publish in its columns a card from Mr. +Shepley, of which a copy was appended, and which stated that the +destruction of the office was not for any political cause, but was +solely on account of an attack made by its editor on the reputation of a +lady. Also, that said _Visiter_ should never again discuss or refer to +the destruction of its office. + +Fowler burned with indignation, and was much surprised when I returned +the paper, saying that I would comply with these demands. He protested +that I should not--that they had set out to defend the freedom of the +press. + +"Which you cannot do," I remarked. "You sign that paper just as you +would hand your money to a robber who held a pistol to your head and +demanded it. There is a point at which the bravest must yield, where +resistance is madness, and you have reached this point. The press is +mine, leave its freedom to me. Defend me from brute force and do your +duty to your families." + +He returned to the consultation room, where every one was surprised at +my compliance. They had all given me credit for more pluck, but since I +surrendered, the case was lost. The contract was signed, the bond +executed, and everything made tight and fast as law could make it. The +friends of free press were indignant, but bided their time. Stephen +Miller, a nephew of my mother-in-law, and afterwards governor of +Minnesota, was on a visit to Harrisburg during all this trouble, and +when he returned, he flew into a towering rage over what he termed the +cowardly backdown of the printing company, and published a card in the +St. Paul papers, washing his hands of it. + +But to the victors belong the spoils and glory, and now they made much +of them. Ladies got out their silks, their jewels and their laces. There +were sounds of revelry by night, where fair women and gallant men drew +around the social board, on which sparkled the wine-cup and glimmered +the yellow gold, to be taken up by the winner. Champagne was drunk in +honor of the famous victory, hands were shaken over it, stray sheep +were brought back into the true Democratic fold, and late opinions about +presses and types were forgotten. + +Though, among all the rejoicings, the Bar had the best of it. For once +its members had not been like the blades of a pair of scissors; had not +even seemed to cut each other, while only cutting that which came +between. For once its members were a band of brothers, concentrated into +one sharp, keen dagger, with which they had stabbed Freedom to the +heart. That triumphant Bar stroked its bearded chin, and parted its +silky mustache; hem'd its wisest hem; haw'd its most impressive haw. + +"If Gen. Lowrie had ah, but ah, taken legal advice ah, in the first +instance ah, all would have been well ah!" + +They were the generals who had won this famous victory, and wore their +laurels with a jaunty air, while a learned and distinguished divine from +the center of the State, in a sermon, congratulated the Lord on having +succeeded in "restoring peace to this community, lately torn by +dissensions,"--and all was quiet on the Mississippi. + +On its bank sat poor little I, looking out on its solemn march to the +sea, thinking of Minnesota; sending a wail upon its bosom to meet and +mingle with that borne by the Missouri from Kansas; thinking of a +sad-faced slave, who landed with her babe in her arms here, just in +front of my unfinished loft, performed the labor of a slave in this free +Northern land, and embarked from this same landing to go to a Tennessee +auction block, nobody saying to the master, "Why do ye this?" Against +the power which thus trampled constitutional guarantees, congressional +enactments and State rights in the dust, I seemed to stand alone, with +my hands tied--stood in a body weighing just one hundred pounds, and +kept in it by the most assiduous care. I was learning to set type, and +as I picked the bits of lead from the labeled boxes, there ran the old +tune of St. Thomas, carrying through my brain these words: + + "Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale, + Yet will I fear none ill." + +Why did the heathen rage and kings vex themselves? God, even our God, +should dash them together like potsherds. What an uneven fight it +was--God and I against that little clique--against a world! + +I rented the office to the boys, who at once gave me notice that I was +no longer wanted in it. They issued a half-sheet _Visiter_, with "the +Devil" as editor and proprietor. His salutatory informed his readers, +that he was in full possession and was going to have a good time; had +taught the _Visiter_ to lie, and was going to tunnel the Mississippi. +Those were bright boys, and they had a jolly week. Mr. Shepley's card +appeared, as per agreement, and thus far the terms of release for the +printing company complied with, and the contract with the _Dictator_ +filled. But what next? Had I actually given up the publication? Of +course I had. Its finances were desperate, and what else could I do? +What motive could I have for attempting to go on with it? Oh, what a +famous victory. The next publication day passed and no _Visiter_. There +was a dress parade of triumphant troops, and that most famous victory +was bearing fruit. + +Next day the _St. Cloud Democrat_ made its appearance, and I was sole +editor and proprietor. Into the first editorial column I copied +verbatim, with a prominent heading, the article from the _Visiter_ on +which the libel suit was founded, and gave notice that I alone was +pecuniarily responsible for all the injury that could possibly be done +to the characters of all the men who might feel themselves aggrieved +thereby. Of the late _Visiter_ I had an obituary; gave a short sketch of +its stormy life; how it was insulted, overborne, enslaved; that it could +not live a slave, and died in its new chains. + +It seems strange that those lawyers should have been so stupid, or +should have accredited me with such amazing stupidity when they drew up +that bond; but so it was, and the tables were completely turned. To sue +me for libel was folly, for in St. Paul or St. Anthony I should have had +the gratuitous services of the best legal talent in the state, and they +and their case would have been ground into very small and dirty dust. No +famous victory was ever before turned into a more total rout by a more +simple ambush, and by it I won the clear field necessary to the +continuance of my work. + +I still had protection from physical violence, but had no fear of legal +molestation, and after the next fall election, border ruffianism fell +into such disrepute in St. Cloud that loaded guns seemed no longer +necessary to sustain the freedom of the press. + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + + +STATE AND NATIONAL POLITICS. + +When _The St. Cloud Democrat_ began its career as the organ of the +Republican party in Northern Minnesota, the central and southern +portions of the State were fairly supplied with republican papers, the +conductors all being more or less skillful in the art of plowing and +sowing the political field; but with no very bright prospect of +harvesting a victory. Under the Lowrie dictatorship of the North, it is +difficult to see how the success of a Republican could have been made +possible, any more than giving the electoral vote of Southern Republican +States to the Republican candidate in 1880. + +To overthrow that dictatorship was the work I had volunteered to do, and +in doing it, my plan was to "plow deep," subsoil to the beam. Preachers +held men accountable to God for their Sunday services, but it was my aim +to urge the divine claim to obedience, all the rest of the week. I held +that election day was of all others, the Lord's day. He instituted the +first republic. All the training which Moses gave the Jews was to fit +them for self-government, and at his death the choice of their rulers +was left with them and they were commanded to + + "Choose men, fearing God and hating covetousness, + and set them to rule over you." + +For no creed, no form of worship, no act of his life, is a man more +directly responsible to God, than for casting his vote or the +non-fulfillment of that duty. When the nominations were made for the +second State election in 1859, Gen. Lowrie had lost ground so fast that +he needed the indorsement of his party. This was given in his nomination +for Lieut. Governor. The Republicans nominated Ignatius Donnelly, a +fiery young orator, who took the stump, and was not deterred by any +super-refinement from making the most of his opponent's reputation as +the stealthy destroyer of a printing office, because he had made a bad +bargain in buying its editor. He and the party which had made his +methods its own by nominating him, were held up to the most unmerciful +ridicule. The canvass seemed to turn on the indorsement or repudiation +of border-ruffianism, press-breaking, woman-mobbing. My _personnel_ had +then become familiar to the people of the State, and the large man who +instituted a mob to suppress a woman of my size, and then failed, was +not a suitable leader for American men, even if they were Democrats. + +The death-knell of Democratic rule in Minnesota was rung in that +election. The whole Republican State ticket was elected, with Gov. +Ramsey at its head, and he was the first Governor to tender troops to +President Lincoln for the suppression of the Rebellion. The result was +gratifying, although our own county, Stearns, was overwhelmingly +Democratic, and must remain so, since the great mass of the people were +Catholics. + +However, the election of the State ticket was largely due to the +personal popularity of Gov. Ramsey, and this could not be depended upon +for a lasting arrangement, so I spent the winter following lecturing +through the State, sowing seed for the coming presidential campaign. I +never spoke in public during an election excitement, never advocated on +the platform the claims of any particular man, but urged general +principles. + +Stephen Miller was our St. Cloud delegate to the Chicago Convention +which nominated Mr. Lincoln, led the canvass in the State, as the most +efficient speaker and was chairman of the Electoral College. His +prominent position in the Border Ruffian war added largely to his +popularity in the State, and once more that little printing office under +the grand old trees was plunged into politics; this time into an +election on which hung the destinies of the nation. How that election +was carried on in other States I know not, but in Minnesota the banner +of Republicanism and human freedom was borne aloft over a well fought +field. There was not much surface work. Men struggled for the Right +against the old despotism of Might, and planted their cause on +foundations more enduring than Minnesota granite itself. + +Yet, even then, the opposition of the Garrisonians was most persistent. +There was a large anti-slavery element among the original settlers of +Minnesota, but it was mostly of the Garrisonian or non-voting type, and +had lain dormant under pro-slavery rule. To utilize this element at the +polls was my special desire. The ground occupied by them was the one I +had abandoned, _i.e._, the ground made by the Covenanters when the +Constitution first appeared. They pronounced it "a covenant with death +and an agreement with hell," and would not vote or hold office under it; +would not take an oath to support it. So firmly had Garrison planted +himself on the old Covenanter platform, that it is doubtful whether he +labored harder for the overthrow of slavery or political anti-slavery; +whether he more fiercely denounced slave-holders or men who voted +against slave-holding. Once after a "flaming" denunciation of political +abolitionists, some one said to him: + +"Mr. Garrison, I am surprised at the ground you take! Do you not think +James G. Birney and Gerrit Smith are anti-slavery?" + +He hesitated, and replied: + +"They have anti-slavery tendencies, I admit." + +Now, James G. Birney, when a young man, fell heir to the third of an +Alabama estate, and arranged with the other heirs to take the slaves as +his portion. He took them all into a free State, emancipated them, and +left himself without a dollar, but went to work and became the leader of +political abolitionists, while Gerrit Smith devoted his splendid talents +and immense wealth to the cause of the slave. When their mode of action +was so reprehensible to Mr. Garrison, we may judge the strength of his +opposition to that plan of action which resulted in the overthrow of +slavery. His non-resistance covered ballots as well as bullets, and +slavery, the creation of brute force and ballots, must not be attacked +by any weapon, save moral suasion. So it was, that Garrisonianism, off +the line of the underground railroad, was a rather harmless foe to +slavery, and was often used by it to prevent the casting of votes which +would endanger its power. + +From the action of the slave power, it must by that time have been +apparent to all, that adverse votes was what it most dreaded; but +old-side Covenanters, Quakers, and Garrisonians could not cast these +without soiling their hands by touching that bad Constitution. But that +moral _dilettanteism_, which thinks first of its own hands, was not +confined to non-voting abolitionists; for the "thorough goers" of the +old Liberty Party, could not come down from their perch on platforms +which embraced all the moralities, to work on one which only said to +slavery "not another foot of territory." + +Both these parties attacked me. The one argued that I, of necessity, +endorsed slavery every where by recognizing the Constitution; the other +that I must favor its existence where it then was, by working with the +Republican party, which was only pledged to prevent its extension. To +me, these positions seemed utterly untenable, their arguments +preposterous, and I did my best to make this appear. I claimed the +Constitution as anti-slavery, and taught the duty of overthrowing +slavery by and through it, but no argument which I used did half the +service of an illustration which came to me: + +I had a little garden in which the weeds did grow, and little Bobbie +Miller had a little broken hoe. When I went into my garden to cut the +weeds away, I took up Bobbie's little hoe to help me in the fray. If +that little hoe were wanting, I'd take a spoon or fork, or any other +implement, but always keep at work. If any one would send me a broader, +sharper hoe, I'd use it on those ugly weeds and cut more with one blow; +but till I got a better hoe, I'd work away with Bobbie's. I'd ride one +steady-going nag, and not a dozen hobbies; help any man or boy, or +fiend to do what needed doing, and only stop when work came up which +done would call for ruing. + +This conceit struck popular fancy as plain argument could not have done, +and the Republican party came to be called "Robbie Miller's Hoe "--an +imperfect means of reaching a great end, and one that any one might use +without becoming responsible for its imperfections. + +During the heat of that Lincoln campaign, Galusha A. Grow, then Speaker +of the U.S. House of Representatives, came to St. Cloud to speak, and +found me ill with quinsy; but I went to the meeting. It was held in +Wilson's Hall, which was on the second floor of a frame building, and +was so packed that before he began fears were felt lest the floors +should give way. But the speaker told the audience that the floor would +"hold still" if they did; and any one who felt uneasy had better leave +now. No one left, and for two hours and a half he held that packed +assembly in close and silent attention. He was very popular on the +frontier on account of his homestead bill, yet the hall was surrounded +all the time he spoke by a howling Democratic mob, who hurled stones +against the house, fired guns, shouted and yelled, trying to drown his +voice. To make it more interesting and try to draw out the audience, +they made a huge bonfire and burned me in effigy as-- + +"The mother of the Republican party." + +The result of that campaign is known, for in it Minnesota was made so +thoroughly Republican that the party must needs split, in order to got +rid of its supremacy. + + + +CHAPTER XLII. + + +RELIGIOUS CONTROVERSIES. + +The _St. Cloud Democrat_ found in orthodoxy a foe almost as powerful and +persistent as slavery itself. In a local controversy about dancing, I +recommended that amusement as the only substitute for lascivious plays, +and this was eagerly seized upon by those who saw nothing wrong in +wholesale concubinage of the South. A fierce attack was made on _The +Democrat_ by a zealous Baptist minister; to which I replied, when it was +announced and proclaimed that on a certain Sabbath, at 10 A.M., this +minister would answer _The Democrat_. At the appointed hour the house +overflowed, and people crowded around the doors and windows, while Gen. +Lowrie occupied a prominent seat in the audience. + +It surely was an odd sight to see that preacher mount the stand, +carrying an open copy of _The Democrat_, lay it down beside the Bible, +and read verse about from the two documents. The sermon was as odd as +the text. It disposed of me by the summary mode of denunciation, but +also disposed of David, Solomon and Miriam at the same time. When I gave +the discourse a careful Scriptural criticism, I carried the community, +and was strengthened by the controversy. But another, more serious and +general dispute was at hand. + +When Theodore Parker died, the orthodox press from Maine to Georgia, +handed him over to Satan to be tormented; and then my reputation for +heresy reached its flood-tide. + +Rev. John Renwick, one of our Covenanter martyrs, was my ideal of a +Christian, and when he lay in the Edinburg prison under sentence of +death, his weeping friends begged him to conform and save his life. They +said to him: + +"Dinna ye think that we, who ha' conformit may be saved?" + +"Aye, aye. God forbid that I should limit his grace." + +"An' dinna ye think, ye too could be saved and conform?" + +"Oh, aye aye. The blood of Christ cleanseth fra all sin." + +"Weel, what mair do ye want, than the salvation o' yer saul?" + +"Mair, mickle mair! I want to honor my Master, and bear witness to the +truth." + +To satisfy this want, he died a felon's death. The central idea of that +old hero-making Westminster theology was, that man's chief end is to +glorify God first, and enjoy him forever when that is done. In all the +religious training of my youth, I had never heard the term "seek +salvation." We were to seek the privilege of serving God; yet I was +willing to be dead-headed into heaven, with the rest of the +Presbyterians. + +A Protestant Episcopal convention had pointedly refused to advise +members of that church to respect the marriage relation among their +slaves, and so had dimmed the Elizabethian glory of a church which once +stood for freedom so nobly that the winds and waves became her allies, +and crowned her with victory. The General Assembly had laid the honor of +its martyrs in the dust by endorsing human slavery; and I must be false +to every conviction if I did not protest against calling that +Christianity which held out crowns of glory to man-thieves and their +abettors, and everlasting torments to those who had spent their lives +glorifying God and bearing witness to the truth. My defense of Parker +and unwillingness to have all Unitarians sent to the other side of the +Great Gulf, won for me a prominent place among those whom the churches +pronounced "Infidels." + +But there came a time when "Providence" seemed to be on the side of the +slave. + +Rev. J. Calhoun was a highly-cultured gentleman, a Presbyterian +clergyman, and one of those urbane men who add force and dignity to any +opinion. His wife was Gen. Lowrie's only sister. He preached +gratuitously in St. Cloud, and Border Ruffianism and Slavery gained +respectability through their connection, when he and his wife made that +fatal plunge off the bridge in St. Cloud--a plunge which sent a thrill +of horror through the land. I accompanied my sympathetic, respectful +obituary notice, with the statement that the costly cutter wrecked, and +the valuable horse instantly killed, were both purchased with money +obtained by the sale of a woman and her child, who had been held as +slaves in Minnesota, in defiance of her law, and been taken by this +popular divine to a Tennessee auction block. + +The accident was entirely owing to the unprecedented and unaccountable +behavior of that horse, and people shuddered with a new horror on being +reminded of the price which had been paid for him--bodies and souls of +two citizens and the honor of that free State. + + + +CHAPTER XLIII. + + +FRONTIER LIFE. + +The culture which the pale faces introduced into that land of the +Dakotas was sometimes curious. The first sermon I heard there was +preached in Rockville--a town-site on the Sauk, twelve miles from its +confluence with the Mississippi--in a store-room of which the roof was +not yet shingled. The only table in the town served as a pulpit; the red +blankets from one wagon were converted into cushions for the front pews, +which consisted of rough boards laid on trussles. There was only one +hymn book, and after reading the hymn, the preacher tendered the book to +any one who would lead the singing, but no one volunteered. My scruples +about psalms seemed to vanish, so I went forward, took the book, lined +out the hymn, and started a tune, which was readily taken up and sung by +all present. We were well satisfied with what the day brought us, as we +rode home past those wonderful granite rocks which spring up out of the +prairie, looking like old hay-ricks in a meadow. + +There were people in our frontier town who would have graced any +society, and with the elasticity of true culture adapted themselves to +all circumstances. At my residence, which adjoined the _Democrat_ +office, I held fortnightly receptions, at which dancing was the +amusement, and coffee and sandwiches the refreshments. At one of these, +I had the honor to entertain Gov. Ramsey, Lieut.-Gov. Donnelly, State +Treas. Shaeffer, and a large delegation from St. Paul; but not having +plates for seventy people, I substituted squares of white printing +paper. When Gov. Ramsey received his, he turned it over, and said: + +"What am I to do with this?" + +"That is the ticket you are to vote," was the answer. + +In our social life there was often a weird mingling of civilization and +barbarism. Upon one occasion, a concert was given, in which the audience +were in full dress, and all evening in the principal streets of St. +Cloud a lot of Chippewas played foot-ball with the heads of some Sioux, +with whom they had been at war that day. + +In those days, brains and culture were found in shanties. The leaders of +progress did not shrink from association with the rude forces of savages +and mother nature. + +St. Cloud was the advance post of that march of civilization by which +the Northern Pacific railroad has since sought to reach the +Sascatchewan, a territory yet to be made into five wheat-growing States +as large as Illinois. All the Hudson Bay goods from Europe passed our +doors, in wagons or on sleds, under the care of the Burbanks, the great +mail carriers and express men of Minnesota, and once they brought a +young lady who had come by express from Glasgow, Scotland, and been +placed under the charge of their agent at New York, and whom they handed +over to the officer she had come to marry on the shores of Hudson Bay. +But their teams usually came east with little freight, as the furs sent +to Europe came down in carts, not one of which had so much iron as a +nail in them, and which came in long, creaking trains, drawn by oxen or +Indian ponies. + +In each train there was generally one gorgeous equipage--a cart painted +blue, with a canvas cover, drawn by one large white ox in raw-hide +harness. In this coach of state rode the lady of the train--who was +generally a half-breed--on her way to do her shopping in St. Paul. Once +the lady was a full-blooded Indian, and had her baby with her, neatly +dressed and strapped to a board. A bandage across the forehead held the +head in place, and every portion of the body was as secure as board and +bandages could make them, except the arms from the elbow down, but no +danger of the little fellow sucking his thumb. His lady mamma did not +have to hold him, for he was stood up in a corner like a cane or +umbrella, and seemed quite comfortable as well as content. She had +traveled seven weeks, had come seventeen hundred miles to purchase some +dresses and trinkets, and would no doubt be a profitable customer to St. +Paul merchants, for the lady of the train was a person of wealth and +authority, always the wife of the commander-in-chief, and her sentence +of death might have been fatal to any man in it. + +In these trains were always found Indians filling positions as useful +laborers, for the English government never gave premiums for idleness +and vagabondism among Indians, by feeding and clothing them without +effort on their own part. Their dexterity in turning griddle cakes, by +shaking the pan and giving it a jerk which sent the cake up into the air +and brought it down square into the pan other side up, would have made +Biddy's head whirl to see. The "Gov. Ramsey" was the first steamboat +which ran above the falls of St. Anthony, and in the spring of '59 she +was steamed and hawsered up the Sauk Rapids, and ran two hundred miles, +until the falls of Pokegamy offered insurmountable barriers to further +progress. It was thought impossible to get her down again, there was no +business for her, and she lay useless until, the next winter, Anson +Northup took out her machinery and drew it across on sleds to the Red +River of the North, where it was built into the first steamboat which +ever ran on that river. + +Before starting on his expedition, Mr. Northup came to the _Democrat_ +office to leave an advertisement and ask me to appeal to the public for +aid in provisions and feed to be furnished along the route. He was in a +Buffalo suit, from his ears to his feet, and looked like a bale of furs. +On his head he wore a fox skin cap with the nose lying on the two paws +of the animal just between his eyes, the tail hanging down between his +shoulders. He was a brave, strong man, and carried out his project, +which to most people was wild. + +Nothing seemed more important than the cultivation of health for the +people, and to this I gave much earnest attention, often expressed in +the form of badinage. There were so many young housekeepers that there +was much need of teachers. I tried to get the New England women to stop +feeding their families on dough--especially hot soda dough--and to +substitute well-baked bread as a steady article of diet. In trying to +wean them from cake, I told of a time when chaos reigned on earth, long +before the days of the mastodons, but even then, New England women were +up making cake, and would certainly be found at that business when the +last trump sounded. But they bore with my "crotchets" very patiently, +and even seemed to enjoy them. + + + +CHAPTER XLIV. + + +PRINTERS. + +The printer's case used to be one of the highways to editorial and +congressional honors; but the little fellows of the craft invented a +machine which goes over it like a "header" over a wheat-field and leaves +a dead level of stalks, all minus the heads, so that no tall fellows are +left to shame them by passing on from the "stick" to the tripod or +speaker's mallet. Their great Union rolling-pin flattens them all out +like pie-crust, and tramps are not overshadowed by the superiority of +industrious men. But the leveling process makes impassable mountains and +gorges in other walks of life--makes it necessary that a publisher with +one hundred readers must pay as much for type-setting as he with a +hundred thousand. The salary of editors and contributors may vary from +nothing to ten thousand a year; but through all mutations of this life, +the printer's wages must remain in _statu quo_. So the Union kills small +papers, prevents competition in the newspaper business, builds up +monster establishments, and keeps typos at the case forever and a day. + +I knew when the _Visiter_ started that it could not live and pay for +type-setting the same price as paid by the New York _Tribune_, and the +day the office became mine, I stated that fact to the printers, who took +their hats and left. In '52, I had spent some part of every day for two +weeks in a composing room, and with the knowledge then acquired, I, in +'58 started the business of practical printer. I took a proof of my +first stick, and lo, it read from right to left. I distributed that, but +had to mark the stick that I might remember. + +The first day I took two boys as apprentices. First, Wesley Miller, who +had spent two months in a Harrisburg office, and knew something of the +art, but did not like anything about it except working the press. +Second, my nephew, William B. Mitchell, who was thirteen, knew nothing +of types, but was a model of patient industry. + +Our magnanimous printers hung around hotels, laughing at the absurdity +of this amateur office. We might set type, but when it came to making +and locking up a form, ha, ha, wouldn't there be sport? That handsome +new type would all be a mess of pi, then somebody would be obliged to +come to their terms or St. Cloud would be without a paper. It was their +great opportunity to display their interest in the general welfare, and +they embraced it to the full; but of the little I had learned in that +short apprenticeship six years ago, I retained a clear conception of the +principles of justification by works. I brought these to bear on those +forms, made them up, locked them, and sent for Stephen Miller to carry +them to the press, when each one lifted like a paving stone; but alas, +alas, the columns read from right to left. I unlocked them, put the +matter back in the galleys, made them up new, and we had the paper off +on time. + +From that time until the first of January, '63, I carried on the +business of practical printer, issued a paper every week, did a large +amount of job work, was city and county printer for half a dozen +counties, did all the legal advertising, published the tax lists, and +issued extras during the Indian massacres. + + + +CHAPTER XLV. + + +THE REBELLION. + +When, after Mr. Lincoln's election, the South made the North understand +that her threats of disunion meant something more than "tin kettle +thunder," there was little spirit of compromise among the Republicans +and Douglas Democrats of Minnesota, who generally looked with impatience +on the abject servility with which Northern men in Congress begged their +Southern masters not to leave them, with no slaves to catch, no peculiar +institution to guard. + +I was in favor of not only permitting the Southern States to leave the +Union, but of driving them out of it as we would drive tramps out of a +drawing room. _Put_ them out! and open every avenue for the escape of +their slaves. But from that spirit of conciliation with which the North +first met, secession, the change was sudden. The fire on Sumter lit an +actual flame of freedom, and the people were ready then to wipe slavery +from the whole face of the land. When Gen. Fremont issued his famous +order confiscating the slaves of rebels in arms, I was in receipt of a +large exchange list, and have never seen such unanimity on any subject. +I think there were but two papers which offered an objection; but this +land was not worthy to do a generous deed. So, President Lincoln +rescinded that order, and the great rushing stream of popular enthusiasm +was dammed, turned back to flow into the dismal swamp of constitutional +quibbles and statutory inventions. There it lay, and bred reptiles and +miasmas to sting and poison the guilty inhabitants of this great land; +and never since have we been permitted to reach an enthusiasm in favor +of any great principle; for history has no record of a great act so +thoroughly divested of all greatness by the meanness of the motive, as +is our "Act of Emancipation." + +Long after the war was in progress, the old habit of yielding precedence +to the South manifested itself so strongly as to sour and disgust the +staunchest Republicans. The only two important military appointments +given by Mr. Lincoln's administration to St. Cloud were given to two +Southern Democrats, officeholders under Buchanan and supporters of +Breckinridge, the Southern candidate for President in '60. In the autumn +of '61, I asked a farmer to take out and post bills for a meeting to +send delegates to the county convention. He had been an active worker in +the campaign of '60, had never sought an office, and I was surprised +when he declined so small a service, but his explanation was this: + +"If the Democrats win the election, the Democrats will get the offices. +If the Republicans win the election, the Democrats will get the offices, +and I don't see but we may as well let them win the election." + +When I explained that the more false others were to a party or +principle, the more need there was for him to be true, he took the bills +and managed the meeting; but running a Republican ticket under a +Republican administration was not so easy as running the same ticket +under Buchanan. Then men had hope and enthusiasm, but this was killed by +a victory through which the enemy was made to triumph. + +As Gov. Ramsey was the first to tender troops to President Lincoln for +the suppression of the Rebellion, so the men of Minnesota were among the +first to organize and drill. Stephen Miller raised a company in St. +Cloud, with it joined the first regiment at Ft. Snelling, and was +appointed Lieut. Col. + +We went to Ft. Snelling to see our first regiment embark. It was a grand +sight to see the men in red shirts and white Havelocks march down that +rocky, winding way, going to their Southern graves, for very few of them +ever returned. + +More troops were called for, and two companies formed in St. Cloud. +While they waited under marching orders, they and the citizens were +aroused at two o'clock one morning by the cry from the east side of the +river of, "Indians, Indians." A boat was sent over and brought a +white-lipped messenger, with the news of the Sioux massacre at Ft. +Ridgley. + + + +CHAPTER XLVI. + + +PLATFORMS. + +My first public speech was the revelation of a talent hidden in a +napkin, and I set about putting it to usury. I wrote a lecture--"Women +and Politics"--as a reason for my anomalous position and a justification +of those men who had endorsed my right to be a political leader, and +gave sketches of women in sacred and profane history who had been so +endorsed by brave and wise men. + +The lecture gave an account of the wrongs heaped upon women by slavery, +as a reason why women were then called upon for special activity, and I +never failed to "bring down the house" by describing the scene in which +the tall Kentuckian proposed to the tall Pennsylvanian that he should +horsewhip an old woman one hundred and two times, to compel her to earn +two hundred dollars with which his mightiness might purchase Havana +cigars, gold chains, etc., or to elicit signs of shame by relating the +fact of the United States government proposing to withdraw diplomatic +relations with Austria for whipping Hungarian women for political +offenses, while woman-whipping was the principal industry of our +American chivalry. + +I stated that men had sought to divide this world into two +fields--religion and politics. In the first, they were content that +their mothers and wives should dwell with them, but in the second, no +kid slipper was ever to be set. Horace Mann had warned women to stand +back, saying: "Politics is a stygian pool." I insisted that politics +had reached this condition through the permit given to Satan to turn all +the waste water of his mills into that pool; that this grant must be +rescinded and the pool drained at all hazards. Indeed the emergency was +such that even women might handle shovels. + +Chicago had once been in a swamp, but the City Fathers had lifted it six +feet. Politicians must "raise the grade," must lift their politics the +height of a man, and make them a habitation for men, not reptiles. At +this an audience would burst into uproarous applause. + +As for the grand division, no surveyor could find the line; for no line +was possible between religion and politics. The attempt to divide them +is an assumption that there is some part of the universe in which the +Lord is not law-giver. The Fathers of the Republic had explored and +found a country they thought was outside the Divine jurisdiction, and +called it Politics. Because old world government had bowed to popes and +prelates, they would ignore Deity, and say to Omnipotence what Canute +did to the sea: "Thus far shalt thou go but no further, and here shall +thy proud waves be stayed." But God laughed them to scorn, and would +certainly dash them to pieces. The government which they had set up like +the golden image of Nebuchadnezzer, and demanded that all should bow +before it, this same government was bound to sustain men in scourging +women for chastity. Every man who voted a democratic ticket voted to put +down as insurrection any attempt to stand between the cradle and its +robber. + +I never spoke of the St. Cloud trouble--there was too much else to talk +about. I was seldom interrupted by anything but applause; but in +Stillwater I was hissed for denouncing Buchanan's administration. I +waited a moment, then lowered my voice, and said I had raised a good +many goslings, and thought I had left them all in Pennsylvania, but +found some had followed me, and was sorry to have no corn for them. +There was no further interruption. + +I was at that time the guest of a son of my Pittsburg friend, Judge +McMillan, who led the singing in our church, and with whom I expect to +sing "St. Thomas" in heaven. My host of that evening afterwards became +U.S. Senator from Minnesota. + +A considerable portion of three winters I traveled in Minnesota and +lectured, one day riding thirty miles in an open cutter when the mercury +was frozen and the wind blew almost a gale. Have crossed houseless +prairies between midnight and morning, with only a stage driver, and I +never encountered a neglect or a rudeness: but found gentlemen in red +flannel shirts and their trowsers stuffed into the tops of their boots, +who had no knowledge of grammar, and who would, I think, have sold their +lives dearly in my defense. + +Late in '60 or early in '61, I lectured in Mantorville, and was the +guest of Mr. Bancroft, editor of the _Express_, when he handed me a copy +of the New York _Tribune_, pointed to an item, and turned away. It was a +four line announcement that he who had been my husband had obtained a +divorce on the ground of desertion. I laid down the paper, looked at my +hands, and thought: + +"Once more you are mine. True, the proceeds of your twenty years of +brick-making are back there in Egypt with your lost patrimony, but we +are over the Red Sea, out in the free desert; no pursuit is possible, +and if bread fails, God will send manna." + +While I sat, Mrs. Bancroft came to me, caressed me, and said: + +"Old things have passed away, and all things have become new." + + + +CHAPTER XLVII. + + +OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOME AGAIN. + +In my first lecturing winter I spoke in the Hall of Representatives, St. +Paul, to a large audience, and succeeded past all my hopes. I spoke +there again in the winter of '61 and '62, on the anti-slavery question, +and in a public hall on "Woman's Legal Disabilities." Both were very +successful, and I was invited to give the latter lecture before the +Senate, which I did. The hall was packed and the lecture received with +profound attention, interrupted by hearty applause. + +The Senate was in session, and Gen. Lowrie occupied his seat as a +member. It was a great fall for him to tumble from his dictatorship to +so small an honor. He sat and looked at me like one in a dream, and I +could not but see that he was breaking. I hoped he would come up with +others when they began to crowd around me, but he did not. + +I had come to be the looked-at of all lookers; the talked-of of all +talkers; was the guest of Geo. A. Nurse, the U.S. Attorney, dined with +the Governor, and was praised by the press. I was dubbed the "Fanny +Kemble of America," and reminded critics of the then greatest Shylock of +the stage. A judge from Ohio said there was "not a man in the State who +could have presented that case (Woman's Legal Disabilities) so well." +Indeed, I was almost as popular as if I were about to be hanged! + +A responsible Eastern lecture-agent offered me one hundred dollars each +for three lectures, one in Milwaukee, one in Chicago and one in +Cleveland. I wanted to accept, but was overruled by friends, who thought +me too feeble to travel alone, and that I would make more by employing +an agent. They selected a pious gentleman, whose name I have forgotten, +and we left St. Paul at four o'clock one winter morning, in a prairie +schooner on bob-sleds, to ride to La Crosse. + +One of the passengers was a pompous Southerner, who kept boasting of the +"buck niggers" he had sold and the "niggers" he had caught, and his +delight in that sort of work. His talk was aimed at me, but he did not +address me, and for hours I took no notice; then, after an unusual +explosion, I said quietly: + +"Can you remember, sir, just exactly how many niggers you have killed +and eaten in your day?" + +He looked out on the river and seemed to begin a calculation, but must +have found the lists of his exploits too long for utterance, for he had +spoken not another word when we reached La Crosse, where we took cars +for Madison, Wisconsin. + +We reached that beautiful city of lakes in time to meet news of the Ft. +Donelson fatal victory; that victory made so much worse than a hundred +defeats by the return to their masters of the slaves who remained in +the fort and claimed the protection of our flag--the victory which +converted the great loyal army of the North into a gang of +slave-catchers. Alas, my native land! All hope for the preservation of +the government died out in my heart. What could a just God want with +such a people? What could he do but destroy them? + +That victory was celebrated in Madison with appropriate ceremonies. Men +got drunk and cursed "niggers and abolitionists," sat up all night in +noisy orgies drinking health and success to him who was the synonym of +American glory. + +The excitement and sudden revulsion against abolitionists with the total +incompetence of my agent, caused a financial failure of my lecture, but +I made pleasant friendships with Gov. Harvey, Prof. Carr and their +wives. + +I started along the route we had come, and everywhere, in cars, hotels, +men were hurrahing for Grant and cursing "niggers and abolitionists." + +The hero had healed the breach between the loving brothers of the North +and South, who were to rush into each others arms across the prostrate +form of Liberty. Thank God for the madness of the South; for that +sublime universal government which maketh "the wrath of man to praise +him." Even in that hour of triumph for despotism, I did not doubt but +Freedom would march on until no slave contaminated the earth; but before +that march this degraded government must share the fate of that other +Babylon, which once dealt "in slaves and souls of men." + +My first small town lecture was another financial failure, and in the +hall I paid and dismissed that highly respectable incubus--my agent. + +That night I slept in a hotel, and going to a bed which had not been +properly ventilated, wondered if it could be my duty to breast that +storm of popular frenzy. Could I at any time be required to drink tea +out of a coarse delf cup and sleep in such a bed? Luxuries I wanted +none; but a china cup, silver spoon and soft blankets were necessaries +of life. As I lay, uncertain always whether I slept, I seemed to sit on +a projecting rock on the side of a precipice draped with poisonous +vines. There was no spot on which I could place my feet, while out of +holes, snakes hissed at me, and on ledges panthers glared at me with +their green fiery eyes, and the tips of their tails wagging. Far below +lay a lovely green valley, walled on both sides by these haunted +precipitous banks, but stretching up and down until lost in vista. I +knew that to the right was north--the direction of home; and to the +left, south--the way out into the great unknown. If I could only reach +that lovely valley and the clear stream which ran through it; but this +was a vain longing, until there appeared in it a young man in a grey +suit and soft broad-brimmed black felt hat. He came up the precipice +toward me, and a way made itself before him, until he held up his hand, +and said: + +"Come down!" + +I saw his face, and knew it was Christ. After seeing that face, all the +conceptions of all the artists are an offense. Moreover, the Christ of +to-day, in the person of his follower, has often come to me in the garb +of a working man, but never in priestly robes. He led me down the +precipice without a word, pointed northward and said: + +"Walk in the valley and you will be safe." He was gone, and I became +conscious that I had been seeking popularity, money, and these were not +for me; I must go home, but first I would try to repair the loss +incurred by that agent. I lectured in a small town, a nucleus of a Seven +Day Baptist settlement, and was the guest of the proprietor, who had +built a great many concrete walls. Coming out into a heavy wind, I took +acute inflammation of the lungs. My hostess gave me every attention; but +I must go home for my symptoms were alarming, so took the train the next +morning, with my chest in wet compresses, a viol of aconite in my +pocket, and was better when by rail and schooner I reached the house of +the good Samaritan, Judge Wilson, of Winona. + +Here I was made whole, lectured in Winona and other towns, and got back +to St. Paul with more money than when I left. I started for home one +morning in a schooner. At one the next morning our craft settled down +and refused to go farther. The snow was three feet deep; it had been +raining steadily for twelve hours, and when the men got out to pry out +the runners, they went down, down, far over their knees. The driver and +express agent were booted for such occasions, but the two Germans were +not. Myself, "these four and no more," were down in the book of fate for +a struggle with inertia. It was muscle and mind against matter. To the +muscle I contributed nothing, but might add something to the common +stock of mind. The agent, and driver concluded that he should take a +horse and go to the nearest house, two miles back, to get shovels to dig +us out. I asked if there were fresh horses and men at the house. + +"No." + +"How far is it to St. Cloud?" + +"Six miles." + +"Are there fresh horses and men there?" + +"Oh, plenty." + +"If you dig us out here, how long will it be before we go in again?" +This they did not know. + +"Then had not the driver better go to St. Cloud with both horses? The +horse left here would be ruined standing in that slush." + +"But, madam," said the agent, "if we do that we will have to leave you +here all night." + +"Well," I said, "I do not see how you are going to get rid of me." + +So the driver started with the two horses on that dreadful journey; had +I known how dreadful, I should have tried to keep him till morning. As +he left, I made the Germans draw off their boots and pour out the water, +rub their chilled feet and roll them up in a buffalo robe. The agent lay +on his box, I cuddled in a corner, and we all went to sleep to the music +of the patter of the soft rain on our canvas cover. At sunrise we were +waked by a little army of men and horses and another schooner, into +which we passed by bridge. We reached St. Cloud in time for breakfast, +and were greeted by the news that General Lowrie had been sent home +insane. He was confined in his own house, and his much envied young +wife, with her two babies, had become an object of pity. + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII. + + +THE ARISTOCRACY OF THE WEST. + +Before going to Minnesota, I had the common Cooper idea of the dignity +and glory of the noble red man of the forest; and was especially +impressed by his unexampled faithfulness to those pale-faces who had +ever been so fortunate as to eat salt with him. In planning my +hermitage, I had pictured the most amicable relations with those +unsophisticated children of nature, who should never want for salt while +there was a spoonful in my barrel. I should win them to friendships as I +had done railroad laborers, by caring for their sick children, and +aiding their wives. Indeed, I think the Indians formed a large part of +the attractions of my cabin by the lakes; and it required considerable +time and experience to bring me to any true knowledge of the situation, +which was, and is, this: + +Between the Indian and white settler, rages the world-old, world-wide +war of hereditary land-ownership against those who beg their brother man +for leave to live and toil. William Penn disclaimed the right of +conquest as a land title, while he himself held an English estate based +on that title, and while every acre of land on the globe was held by it. +He could not recognize that title in English hands, but did in the hands +of Indians, and while pretending to purchase of them a conquest title, +perpetrated one of the greatest swindles on record since that by which +Jacob won the birthright of his starving brother. + +This Penn swindle has been so carefully cloaked that it has become the +basis of our whole Indian policy, the legitimate parent of a system +never equalled on earth for crime committed with the best intentions. It +intends to be especially just, by holding that the Creator made North +America for the exclusive use of savages, and that civilization can only +exist here by sufferance of the proprietors. This sufferance it tries to +purchase by engaging to support these proprietors in absolute idleness, +from the proceeds of the toil they license, even as kings and other +landed aristocrats are supported by the labor of their subjects and +tenants. + +As the successors of the tent-maker of Tarsus have for thirteen +centuries been found on the side of aristocrats in every contest with +plebians, so the piety of the East, controlled by men who live without +labor, was and is on the side of the royal red man, who has a most royal +contempt for plows, hoes and all other degrading implements. + +The same community of interests which arrayed the mass of the clergy on +the side of Southern slaveholders, arrayed that same clergy on the side +of the Western slave holder, and against the men who seek, with plows +and hoes, to get a living out of the ground. Under this arrangement we +have the spectacle of a Christian people arrayed in open hostility to +those who plant Christian churches, schools and libraries on the lair of +the wolf; and in alliance with the savage who coolly unjoints the feet +and hands of little children, puts them in his hunting pouch as evidence +of his valor, and leaves the victim to die at leisure; of those who +thrust Christian babies into ovens, and deliberately roast them to +death; of those who bind infants, two by two, by one wrist, and throw +them across a fence to die; of those who collect little children in +groups and lock them up in a room, to wail out their little lives; of +those who commit outrages on innocent men and women who the pen must +forever refuse to record. The apology with which piety converts the +crimes of its pets into virtues, is that its own agents have failed to +carry out its own contract with its own friends. + +The men and women who take their lives in their hands to lead the +westward march of civilization, are held as foes by the main body of the +army, who conspire with the enemy, and hand them over as scapegoats +whose tortures and death are to appease divine wrath for the crimes +which this same main body say it has itself committed against Indians. + +No one pretends that Western settlers have injured Indians, but Eastern +philanthropists, through the government they control, have, according to +their own showing, been guilty of no end of frauds; and as they do not, +and cannot, stop the stealing, they pay their debts to the noble red man +by licensing him to outrage women, torture infants and burn homes. When +gold is scarce in the East, they substitute scalps and furnish Indians +with scalping-knives by the thousand, that they may collect their dues +at their own convenience. + +This may seem to-day a bitter partisan accusation, but it must be the +calm verdict of history when this comes to be written by impartial pens. + +Under the pretense that America belonged, in fee simple, and by special +divine right, to that particular hoard of savages, who, by killing off +some other hoard of savages, were in possession when Columbus first saw +the Great West, the Eastern States, which had already secured their land +by conquest, have become more implacable foes to civilization than the +savages themselves. + +The Quaker would form no alliance with Southern slave-holders. He +recoiled from the sale of women and children in South Carolina, but +covered with his gray mantle of charity the slave trade in Minnesota. +When a settler refused to exchange his wife or daughter with an Indian +for a pony, and that Indian massacred the whole family to repair his +wrongs, his Quaker lawyer justified the act on the score of extreme +provocation, and won triumphal acquittal from the jury of the world. + +When the Sioux, after the Bull Run disaster, arose as the allies of the +South, and butchered one thousand men, women and children in Minnesota, +the Quakers and other good people flew to arms in their defense, and +carried public sentiment in their favor. The agents of the Eastern +people had delayed the payment of annuity three weeks, and then insulted +Mr. Lo by tendering him one-half his money in government bonds, and for +this great wrong the peaceable Quaker, the humanitarian Unitarian, the +orthodox Congregationalist and Presbyterian, the enthusiastic Methodist +and staid Baptist, felt it but right Mr. Lo should have his revenge. + +Most Eastern Christians are opposed to polygamy in Utah, and Fourierism +in France, but in Minnesota among Indians these institutions are sacred. +They demanded that England should by law prohibit widow-burning and +other heathen customs in India, but nothing so rude as statutes must +interfere with the royal privileges of these Western landlords. If by +gentle means Mr. Lo can be persuaded to stop taking all the wives he can +get, extorting their labor by the cudgel, and selling them and their +children at will, all well and good! Millions are expended on the +persuading business, and prayer poured out like the rains in Noah's +flood, without any perceptible effect; but still they keep on paying and +praying, and carefully abstain from all means at all likely to +accomplish the desired result. All the property of every tribe must be +held in common, so that there can possibly be no incentive to industry +and economy; but if the Indian refuse to be civilized on that plan, he +must go on taking scalps and being excused, until extermination solve +the problem. + +Long before I saw an Indian on his native soil, the U.S. Government had +spent millions in carrying out this Penn policy. For long years, Indians +had sat like crows, watching the white farmers and artisans sent to +teach them industry, and had grunted their honest contempt. They watched +the potato planting, that they might pick out the seed for present use. +They pulled down fences, and turned their ponies into the growing crops, +used the rails for fire wood, burned mills and houses built for them, +rolled barrels of flour up steep acclivities, started them down and +shouted to see them leap and the flour spurt through the staves; knocked +the heads out of other barrels, and let the ponies eat the flour; poured +bags of corn on the ground when they wanted the bag, and in every way +showed their contempt for the government, whose policy they believed to +be the result of cowardice. Thousands of dollars' worth of agricultural +machinery lay "rotting in the sun" while the noble red aristocrat played +poker in the shade; his original contempt for labor intensified by his +power to extract a living from laborers, through their fear of his +scalping knife. + +Hole-in-the-day, the Chippewa chief, had been educated by Baptist +missionaries, and was a good English scholar, but would not condescend +to speak to the government except through an interpreter. For him six +hundred acres of land had been fenced, and a large frame cottage built +and painted white. In this he lived with six wives, and a United States +salary of two thousand a year and his traveling expenses. He dressed +like a white man, dined with State officers in St. Paul, went to church +with a lady on his arm, sat in a front pew, and was a highly +distinguished gentleman of the scalping school. + + + +CHAPTER XLIX. + + +THE INDIAN MASSACRE OF '62. + +The Indians had been ugly from the first outbreak of the Rebellion, and +Commissioner Dole, with Senator Wilkinson, had come out to pacify them. +The party passed through St. Cloud, and had camped several miles west, +when in the night there came up one of those sudden storms peculiar to +this land. Their tents were whisked away like autumn leaves, and they +left clinging to such productions of mother nature as were at hand, +well rooted in her bosom, to avoid a witches' dance in the air. But it +grew worse when the rain had covered the level ground six inches deep in +water, and they must keep their heads above the surface. + +They returned to St. Cloud in the morning in sorry plight, and the delay +was one of the injuries to the poor Indians, and counted as sufficient +justification for the subsequent massacre. The delay, however, saved +their lives. The messenger who aroused the people of St. Cloud in the +small hours was traveling post after this Dole commission, for whose +safety there was much anxiety, but none for St. Cloud, since the Indians +would not attack us while there were two companies of soldiers in town. +True, they were unarmed, but surely arms would be sent and their +marching orders rescinded. The outbreak was mysterious. It was of course +in the interests of the South, and meant to prevent the troops leaving +the State; but why had not the tribes struck together? + +The answer was that after the massacre had been arranged in council, two +Sioux visited a white family in which they had often been entertained, +were drunk, and could not resist the impulse to butcher their +entertainers. This precipitated the attack, for so soon as the news +reached the tribe, they went to work to execute their bloody purpose. + +Johnson, a converted Chippewa, hurried to inform us that his tribe with +Hole-in-the-day in council had resolved to join the Sioux and were to +have made St. Cloud their base of operations, but the Sioux had broken +out before the arms and ammunition came, and these they were hourly +expecting. On the same day a formal message came from Hole-in-the-day +that Commissioner Dole must come to the reservation to confer with his +young braves, who would await his arrival ten days, after which time +their great chief declined to be responsible for them. + +A runner arrived from Ft. Abercrombie, who had escaped by crawling +through the grass, and reported the Fort besieged by a thousand savages, +and quite unprepared for defense. There were several St. Cloud people in +the Fort, and so far from expecting aid from it it must be relieved. The +garrison at Ft. Ripley had not a man to spare for outside defense. +People began to pour into St. Cloud with tales of horror to freeze the +blood, and the worst reports were more than confirmed. The victorious +Sioux had undisputed possession of the whole country west, southwest and +northwest of us, up to within twelve miles of the city, and had left few +people to tell tales. Our troops spent their time teaching women and +children the use of firearms, and hoping for arms and orders to go to +the relief of Abercrombie. There was no telegraph, and the last mail +left no alternative but to start for Fort Snelling, with such short time +to get there that every available man and horse must go to hurry them +forward. They left in the afternoon, and that was a dreadful night. Many +of the more timid women had gone east, but of those that remained some +paced the streets, wringing their hands and sobbing out their fear and +despair and sorrow for the husbands and brothers and sons taken from +them at such a crisis. + +When the troops left, we thought there were no more men in St. Cloud, +but next morning found a dozen, counting the boys, who were organized to +go out west to the rescue of settlers, and still there were some guards +and pickets, and some who did nothing but find fault with everything any +one else did. + +Men and women spoke with stiffened lips and blanched faces. Families in +the outskirts gathered to more central places, and there were forty-two +women and children in my house the night after the troops left, and for +every night for weeks. We kept large kettles of boiling water as one +means of defense. I always had the watchword, and often at midnight I +would go out to see that the pickets were on duty, and report to the +women that all was well. Brother Harry was appointed General of State +troops, succeeding Gen. Lowrie, and arms were sent to him for +distribution, while women kept muskets by them and practiced daily. The +office of my democratic contemporary was closed, and he fled to New +England, while his assistant went with my only male assistant to rescue +settlers. I had two young ladies in the office, one a graduate of a New +York high school, and through all the excitement they kept at work as +coolly as at any other time. We got out the paper regularly, and +published many extras. + +The history of the horrors and heroisms which reached us during the six +weeks in which Ft. Abercrombie held out until relief came, would make a +volume, and cannot he written here. The unimaginable tortures and +indecencies inflicted on brave men and good women, are something for +which the Christian supporters and excusers of the Sioux must yet +account at the bar where sentimental sympathy with criminals is itself +a crime; and where the wail of tortured infants will not be hushed by +reckoning of bad beef and a deficiency in beans. + +While the Sioux sat in council to determine that butchery, some +objected, on the ground that such crimes would be punished, but Little +Crow, leader of the war party, quieted their fears by saying: + +"White man no like Indian! Indian catch white man, roast him, kill him! +White man catch Indian, feed him, give him blankets," and on this +assurance they acted. + +One thing was clearly proven by that outbreak, viz.: that services to, +and friendship for, Indians, are the best means of incurring their +revenge. Those families who had been on most intimate terms with them, +were those who were massacred first and with the greatest atrocities. +The more frequently they had eaten salt with a pale-face, the more +insatiable was their desire for vengeance. The missionaries were +generally spared, as the source through which they expected pardon and +supplies. The Indian was much too cunning to kill the goose that laid +the golden egg. The tribe do not object to the conversion of +individuals. Saying prayers does not interfere with their ideas of their +own importance. Preachers do not labor with their hands, and Indians can +join the clerical order or get religion, without losing caste, for labor +to them is pollution. + +Two wagon loads of arms and ammunition _en route_ for Hole-in-the-day, +were intercepted during the massacre, and for want of them he was +induced to keep quiet. For being such a good Indian, he had a triumphal +trip to Washington at government expense, got ten thousand dollars, and +a seventh wife. + + + +CHAPTER L. + + +A MISSIVE AND A MISSION. + +Soon after the people had returned to such homes as were left them, I +received a letter from General Lowrie, who was then in an insane asylum +in Cincinnati. I caught his humor and answered as carefully as if he had +been a sick brother, gave an extract in the _Democrat_, accompanied by a +notice, and sent him a copy; after which he wrote frequently, and I +tried earnestly to soothe him. In one of his letters was this passage: + +"Your quarrel and mine was all wrong. There was no one in that upper +country capable of understanding you but me, no one capable of +understanding me, but you. We should have been friends, and would have +been, if we had not each had a self which we were all too anxious to +defend." + +After the Sioux had finished their work of horror, Minnesota men, aided +by volunteers from Iowa and Wisconsin, pursued and captured the +murderers of one thousand men, women and children; tried them, found +them guilty, and proposed to hang them just as if they had been white +murderers. But when the general government interfered and took the +prisoners out of the hands of the State authorities, and when it became +evident that Eastern people endorsed the massacre and condemned the +victims as sinners who deserved their fate, one of the State officers +proposed that I should go East, try to counteract the vicious public +sentiment, and aid our Congressional delegation in their effort to +induce the Administration either to hang the Sioux murderers, or hold +them as hostages during the war. + +To me this was a providential call, for I had been planning to make a +home in the East, that our daughter, then old enough to live without me, +might spend a portion of her time with her father. + +With letters from all our State officers, I left my Minnesota home at +four o'clock A.M., January 2nd, '63, leaving the _Democrat_ in charge of +my first apprentice, William B. Mitchell. + +In Washington, the Minnesota delegation secured the use of Dr. +Sutherland's church, and a packed audience for my lecture on Indians. It +was enthusiastically applauded, and for a time I did hope for some +security for women and children on the frontier; but the Secretary of +the Interior assured me it was not worth while to see the President, for +"Mr. Lincoln will hang nobody!" and our Minnesota delegation agreed with +him. Indeed, there was such a _furor_ of pious pity for the poor injured +Sioux, such admiration for their long suffering patience under wrong, +and final heroic resistance, that I might about as well have tried to +row myself from the head of Goat Island up the rapids of Niagara, as +stem that current. The ring which makes money by caudling Indians, had +the ear of both President and people, and the Bureau had a paying +contract in proving Little Crow's sagacity. The Sioux never were so well +supplied with blankets and butcher-knives, as when they received their +reward for that massacre; never had so many prayers said and hymns sung +over them, and their steamboat ride down the Minnesota and Mississippi +and up the Missouri, to a point within two days' walk of the scene of +their exploits, furnished them an excursion of about two thousand miles, +and left them well prepared for future operations. They appreciated +their good fortune, have been a terror to United States troops and +Western settlers ever since, and have enjoyed their triumph to the full. + +One morning Senator Wilkinson and I went to see the President, and in +the vestibule of the White House met two gentlemen whom he introduced as +Sec. Stanton and Gen. Fremont. The first said he needed no introduction, +and I said I had asked Senator Wilkinson to see him on my account. He +replied: + +"Do not ask any one to see me! If you want anything from me, come +yourself. No one can have more influence." + +Gen. Fremont inquired where I was staying, and said he would call on me. +This frightened me, and I felt like running away. But they were so kind +and cordial that our short chat is a pleasant memory; but Mr. Wilkinson +and I failed to see Mr. Lincoln. Next day Sec. Stanton gave me an +appointment in the Quarter Master General's office, but there was no +place for me to go to work. + +Gen. Fremont called at the houses of two friends where I was visiting, +but both times I was absent. In 1850 I had also missed the calls of his +wife and sister, and so I seemed destined never to meet the people I +admired above all others. + +My friends wished me to attend a Presidential reception; but it was +useless to see Mr. Lincoln on the business which brought me to +Washington, and I did not care to see him on any other. He had proved an +obstructionist instead of an abolitionist, and I felt no respect for +him; while his wife was every where spoken of as a Southern woman with +Southern sympathies--a conspirator against the Union. I wanted nothing +to do with the occupants of the White House, but was told I could go and +see the spectacle without being presented. So I went in my broadcloth +traveling dress, and lest there should be trouble about my early +leave-taking, would not trust my cloak to the servants, but walked +through the hall with it over my arm. I watched the President and Mrs. +Lincoln receive. His sad, earnest, honest face was irresistible in its +plea for confidence, and Mrs. Lincoln's manner was so simple and +motherly, so unlike that of all Southern women I had seen, that I +doubted the tales I had heard. Her head was not that of a conspirator. +She would be incapable of a successful deceit, and whatever her purposes +were, they must be known to all who knew her. + +Mr. Lincoln stood going through one of those, dreadful ordeals of +hand-shaking, working like a man pumping for life on a sinking vessel, +and I was filled with indignation for the selfish people who made this +useless drain on his nervous force. I wanted to stand between him and +them, and say, "stand back, and let him live and do his work." But I +could not resist going to him with the rest of the crowd, and when he +took my hand I said: + +"May the Lord have mercy on you, poor man, for the people have none." +He laughed heartily, and the men around him, joined in his merriment. +When I came to Mrs. Lincoln, she did not catch the name at first, and +asked to hear it again, then repeated it, and a sudden glow of pleasure +lit her face, as she held out her hand and said how very glad she was to +see me. I objected to giving her my hand because my black glove would +soil her white one; but she said: + +"Then I shall preserve the glove to remember a great pleasure, for I +have long wished to see you." + +My escort was more surprised than I by her unusual cordiality, and said +afterwards: + +"It was no polite affectation. I cannot understand it from her." + +I understood at once that I had met one with whom I was in sympathy. No +politeness could have summoned that sudden flash of pleasure. Her manner +was too simple and natural to have any art in it; and why should she +have pretended a friendship she did not feel? Abolitionists were at a +discount. They had gone like the front ranks of the French cavalry at +Waterloo, into the sunken way, to make a bridge, over which moderate men +were rushing to honors and emoluments. Gideon's army had done its work, +and given place to the camp followers, who gathered up the spoils of +victory. None wore so poor that they need do them reverence, and I +recognized Mrs. Lincoln as a loyal, liberty-loving woman, more staunch +even than her husband in opposition to the Rebellion and its cause, and +as my very dear friend for life. + + + +CHAPTER LI. + + +NO USE FOR ME AMONG THE WOUNDED. + +I had not thought, even after deciding to remain in Washington, of doing +any hospital work--knew nothing about it; and in strength was more like +a patient than a nurse; but while I waited for a summons to go to the +duties of my clerkship, I met some ladies interested in hospitals. + +One of these, Mrs. Thayer, had an ambulance at her command, and took me +for a day's visiting among the forts, on a day when it was known that +our armies in Virginia were engaged with the enemy. The roads were +almost impassable, and as a skillful driver and two good horses used +their best efforts to take us from place to place, I felt like a thief; +that ambulance ought to be at the front, and us with it, or on our knees +pleading for the men whose breasts were a living wall between us and +danger, between Liberty and her deadly foes. + +The men in the forts had no special need of us, and sometimes their +thanks for the tracts we brought them, gave an impulse to strike them +square in the face, but Mrs. Thayer was happy in her work, and thought +me uncivil to her friends. + +We reached the last fort on our round before I saw anything interesting; +and here a sorrowful woman drew me aside to tell me of the two weeks she +had spent with her husband, now in the last stage of camp-fever, and of +her fruitless efforts to get sufficient straw for his bed, while the +bones were cutting through the skin as he lay on the slats of his cot. +She wrung her hands in a strange, suppressed agony, and exclaimed "Oh! +If they had only let me take him home when I came first; but say nothing +here, or they will not let me stay." + +I verified her statement of her husband's condition, so that I could +speak from observation without compromising her, and spoke to the +surgeon, who politely regretted the scarcity of straw, and hoped to get +some soon. + +I returned to the sufferer, who was from New Hampshire, and a very +intelligent man; and after talking with him and his wife, concluded to +look up the commander of that fort, and put some powder and a lighted +match into his ear; but first consulted Mrs. Thayer, who begged me to +take no notice, else she would no longer be permitted to visit the fort. +She had introduced me to two fashionably dressed ladies, officers' +wifes, resident there; and when I must say or do nothing about this man, +lest I should destroy Mrs. Thayer's opportunity for doing good, I +concluded we had discovered a new variety of savage, and came away +thinking I could do something in the city. + +Next morning I stated the case to Miss Dix, who was neither shocked nor +surprised. I had never before seen her, but her tall, angular person, +very red face, and totally unsympathetic manner, chilled me. The best +ambulance in the service was exclusively devoted to her use, and I +thought she would surely go or send a bed to that man before noon; but +she proposed to do nothing of the kind, had engagements for the day, +which seemed to me of small import compared to that of placing that man +on a comfortable bed; but she could do nothing that day, by reason of +these engagements, and nothing next day, it being Sunday, on which day +she attended to no business. We spoke of the great battle then in +progress, and I tendered my services, could take no regular appointment, +would want no pay, could not work long; but might be of use in an +emergency! Emergencies were things of which she had no conception. +Everything in her world moved by rule, and her arrangements were +complete. She had sent eight nurses to the front, and more could only be +in the way. + +I inquired about hospital supplies, and she grew almost enthusiastic in +explaining the uselessness, nay, absurdity, of sending any. Government +furnished everything that could possibly be wanted. The Sanitary and +Christian Commissioners were all a mistake; Soldiers' Aid Societies a +delusion and a snare. She was burdened with stores sent to her for which +there was no use; and she hoped I would use my influence to stop the +business of sending supplies. + +From her I went direct to the Sanitary Commission, and found a large +house full of salaried clerks and porters, and boxes, and bails, +although this was not their storehouse. + +Here again I stated the case of the man without a bed, and found +listeners neither surprised nor shocked. Every one seemed quite familiar +with trifles of that nature, and by and by, I, too, would look upon them +with, indifference. + +I do not remember whether it was Saturday engagements, or Sunday +sanctity, or lack of jurisdiction, which barred the Commission from +interference; but think they must wait until the fort surgeon sent a +requisition. + +I inquired here about hospital stores, and found there was great demand +for everything, especially money. They declined my services in every +capacity save that of inducing the public to hurry forward funds and +supplies. I told them of Miss Dix's opinion on that subject, and they +agreed that it was quite useless to send anything to her, since she used +nothing she received, and would not permit any one else to use stores. + +Late in the next week Mrs. Thayer came, in great tribulation, to know +how I ever could have done so foolish and useless a thing as report that +case to Miss Dix! Oh dear! Oh dear! It was so unwise! + +Miss Dix had gone to the fort on Monday, taken the surgeon to task about +that bed, gave me as her authority, and for me Mrs. Thayer was +responsible, and would be excluded from that fort on account of my +indiscretion. There was another standing quarrel between the directress +of nurses and the surgeons. The bitterness engendered would all be +visited upon the patients, and it was so deplorable to think I had been +so imprudent. + +Her distress was so real, and she was so real in her desire to do good, +that I felt myself quite a culprit, especially as the man got no bed, +and died on his slats. + +I was so lectured and warned about the sin of this, my first offense, in +telling that which "folk wad secret keep" in hospital management, that I +was afraid to go to another, lest I should get some one into trouble; +so stayed at home while the Washington hospitals were being filled with +wounded from the battle of Chancellorville. I think it was the afternoon +of the second Sabbath that I went with Mrs. Kelsey to visit Campbell, to +get material for a letter, and tendered my services, but their +arrangements were complete. Passing through the wards it did indeed seem +as if nothing was wanting. + +As a matter of form, I asked James Bride, of Wisconsin, if there was +anything I could do for him, was surprised to see him hesitate, and +astounded to have him answer: + +"Well, nothing particular, unless"--he stopped and picked at the +coverlid--"unless you could get us something to quench thirst." + +"Something to quench thirst? Why, I have been told you have everything +you can possibly require!" + +"Well, they are very good to us, and do all they can; but it gets very +hot in here in the afternoons, we cannot go out into the shade, and get +so thirsty. Drinking so much water makes us sick, and if we had +something a little sour!" + +"But, would they let me bring you anything?" + +"O yes! I see ladies bring things every day." + +"Then I shall be glad to bring you something tomorrow." + + + +CHAPTER LII. + + +FIND WORK. + +That morning I wrote to the New York _Tribune,_ relating the incident of +the man asking for cooling drinks, and saying that if people furnished +the material, I would devote my time to distributing their gifts. Next +morning I got two dozen lemons, pressed the juice into a jar, put in +sugar, took a glass and spoon and, so soon as visitors were admitted, +began giving lemonade to those men who seemed to have most need. Going +to the water tank for every glass of water made it slow work, but I +improved my walks by talking to the men, hearing their wants and adding +to their stock of hope and cheerfulness, and was glad to see that the +nurses did not seem to object to my presence, even though Campbell was +the one only hospital in the city from which female nurses were +rigorously excluded. + +So noted had it become for the masculine pride of its management, that I +had been warned not to stay past the length of an ordinary visit, lest I +should be roughly told to go away; and my surprise was equal to my +pleasure, when a man came and said: + +"Would it not be easier for you if you had a pitcher?" + +I said it would, but that I lived too far away to bring one. + +"Oh! I will bring you a pitcher! Why did you not ask for one?" + +"I did not want to trouble you, for they told me you did not like to +have women here." He laughed, and said: "I guess we'll all be glad +enough to have you! Not many of your sort. First thing they all do is to +begin to make trouble, and it always takes two men to wait on one of +them." + +He brought the pitcher, and I felt that I was getting on in the world. +Still I was very humble and careful to win the favor of "the King's +Chamberlain"--those potencies, the nurses, who might report me to that +Royal woman-hater, Dr. Baxter, surgeon in charge, whose name was a +terror to women who intruded themselves into military hospitals. + +As I passed, with my pitcher, I saw one man delerious, and +expectorating, profusely, a matter green as grass could be--knew this +was hospital gangrene, and remembered all Dr. Palmer had told me years +before, of his experience in Paris hospitals, and the antidotes to that +and scurvey poison. Indeed, the results of many conversations with +first-class physicians, and of some reading on the subject of camp +diseases, came to me; and I knew just what was wanted here, but saw no +sign that the want was likely to be supplied. For this man it was too +late, but I could not see that anything was being done to prevent the +spread of this fearful scourge. + +Passing from that ward into the one adjoining, I came suddenly upon two +nurses dressing a thigh stump, while the patient filled the air with +half-suppressed shrieks and groans. I had never before seen a stump, but +remembered Dr. Jackson's lecture over the watermellon at desert, on +amputation, for the benefit of Charles Sumner; and electricity never +brought light quicker than there came to me the memory of all he had +said about the proper arrangement of the muscles over the end of the +bone; and added to this, came a perfect knowledge of the relations of +those mangled muscles to the general form of the body. I saw that the +nurse who held the stump tortured the man by disregarding natural law, +and setting down pitcher and glass on the floor, I stepped up, knelt, +slipped my hands under the remains of that strong thigh, and said to the +man who held it: + +"Now, slip out your hands! easy! easy! there!" The instant it rested on +my hands the groans ceased, and I said: + +"Is that better?" + +"Oh, my God! yes!" + +"Well, then, I will always hold it when it is dressed!" + +"But you will not be here!" + +"I will come!" + +"That would be too much trouble!" + +"I have nothing else to do, and will think it no trouble!" + +The nurse, who did the dressing, was very gentle, and there was no more +pain; but I saw that the other leg was amputated below the knee, and +this was a double reason why he should be tenderly cared for. So I took +the nurse aside, and asked when the wounds were to be dressed again. He +said in the morning, and promised to wait until I came to help. Next +morning I was so much afraid of being late that I would not wait for the +street cars to begin running, but walked. The guard objected to +admitting me, as it was not time for visitors, but I explained and he +let me pass. I must not go through the wards at that hour, so went +around and came in by the door near which he lay. What was my surprise +to find that not only were his wounds dressed, but that all his clothing +and bed had been changed, and everything about him made as white and +neat and square as if he were a corpse, which he more resembled than a +living man. Oh, what a tribute of agony he had paid to the demon of +appearance! We all pay heavy taxes to other people's eyes; but on none +is the levy quite so onerous as on the patients of a model hospital! I +saw that he breathed and slept, and knew his time was short; but sought +the head nurse, and asked why he had not waited for me; he hesitated, +stammered, blushed and said: + +"Why, the fact is, sister, he has another wound that it would not be +pleasant for you to see." + +"Do you mean that that man has a groin wound in addition to all else?" + +"Yes, sister! yes! and I thought--" + +"No matter what you thought, you have tortured him to save your +mock-modesty and mine. You could have dressed that other wound, covered +him, and let me hold the stump. You saw what relief it gave him +yesterday. How could you--how dare you torture him?" + +"Well, sister, I have been in hospitals with sisters a great deal, and +they never help to dress wounds. I thought you would not get leave to +come. Would not like to." + +"I am not a sister, I am a mother; and that man had suffered enough. Oh, +how dared you? how dared you to do such a thing?" I wrung my hands, and +he trembled like a leaf, and said. + +"It was wrong, but I did not know. I never saw a sister before--" + +"I tell you I am no sister, and I cannot think whatever your sisters are +good for." + +He promised to let me help him whenever it would save pain, and I +returned to the dying man. The sun shone and birds sang. He stirred, +opened his eyes, smiled to see me, and said. + +"It is a lovely morning, and I will soon be gone." + +I said, "Yes; the winter of your life is past; for you the reign of +sorrow is over and gone; the spring time appears on the earth, and the +time for the singing of birds has come; your immortal summer is close at +hand; Christ, who loveth us, and has suffered for us, has prepared +mansions of rest, for those who love him, and you are going soon." + +"Oh, yes; I know he will take me home, and provide for my wife and +children when I am gone." + +"Then all is well with you!" He told me his name and residence, in +Pittsburg, and I remembered that his parents lived our near neighbors +when I was a child. So, more than ever, I regretted that I could not +have made his passage through the dark valley one of less pain; but it +was a comfort to his wife to know I had been with him. + +When he slept again, I got a slightly wounded man to sit by him and keep +away the flies, while I went to distribute some delicacies brought to +him by visitors, and which he would never need. + +At the door of Ward Three, a large man stood, and seemed to be an +officer. I asked him if there were any patients in that ward who would +need wine penado. He looked down at me, pleasantly, and said: + +"I think it very likely, madam, for it is a very bad ward." + +It was indeed a very bad ward, for a settled gloom lay upon the faces of +the occupants, who suffered because the ward-master and entire set of +nurses had recently been discharged, and new, incompetent men appointed +in their places. + +As I passed down, turning from right to left, to give to such men as +needed it the mild stimulant I had brought, I saw how sad and hopeless +they were; only one man seemed inclined to talk, and he sat near the +centre of the ward, while some one dressed his shoulder from which the +arm had been carried away by a cannon ball. A group of men stood around +him, talking of that strange amputation, and he was full of chat and +cheerfulness. + +They called him Charlie; but my attention was quickly drawn to a young +man, on a cot, close by, who was suffering torture from the awkwardness +of a nurse who was dressing a large, flesh-wound on the outside of his +right thigh. + +I set my bowl on the floor, caught the nurse's wrist, lifted his hand +away, and said: + +"Oh, stop! you are hurting that man! Let me do that!" + +He replied, pleasantly, + +"I'll be very glad to, for I'm a green hand!" + +I took his place; saw the wounded flesh creep at the touch of cold +water, and said: "Cold water hurts you!" + +"Yes ma'am; a little!" + +"Then we must have some warm!" But nurse said there was none. + +"No warm water?" I exclaimed, as I drew back and looked at him, in blank +astonishment. + +"No, ma'am! there's no warm water!" + +"How many wounded men have you in this hospital?" + +"Well, about seven hundred, I believe." + +"About seven hundred wounded men, and no warm water! So none of them get +anything to eat!" + +"Oh, yes! they get plenty to eat." + +"And how do you cook without warm water?" + +"Why, there's plenty of hot water in the kitchen, but we're not allowed +to go there, and we have none in the wards." + +"Where is the kitchen?" + +He directed me. I covered the wound--told the patient to wait and I +would get warm water. In the kitchen a dozen cooks stopped to stare at +me, but one gave me what I came for, and on returning to the ward I said +to Charlie: + +"Now you can have some warm water, if you want it." + +"But I do not want it! I like cold water best!" + +"Then it is best for you, but it is not best for this man!" + +I had never before seen any such wound as the one I was dressing, but I +could think of but one way--clean it thoroughly, put on clean lint and +rags and bandages, without hurting the patient, and this was very easy +to do; but while I did this, I wanted to do something more, viz.: dispel +the gloom which hung over that ward. I knew that sick folks should have +their minds occupied by pleasant thoughts, and never addressed an +audience with more care than I talked to that one man, in appearance, +while really talking to all those who lay before me and some to whom my +back was turned. + +I could modulate my voice so as to be heard at quite a distance, and yet +cause no jar to very sensitive nerves close at hand; and when I told my +patient that I proposed to punish him now, while he was in my power, all +heard and wondered; then every one was stimulated to learn that it was +to keep him humble, because, having received such a wound in the charge +on Marie's Hill, he would be so proud by and by that common folks would +be afraid to speak to him. I should be quite thrown into the shade by +his laurels, and should probably take my revenge in advance by sticking +pins in him now, when he could not help himself. + +This idea proved to be quite amusing, and before I had secured that +bandage, the men seemed to have forgotten their wounds, except as a +source of future pride, and were firing jokes at each other as rapidly +as they had done bullets at the enemy. When, therefore, I proposed +sticking pins into any one else who desired such punishment, there was +quite a demand for my services, and with my basin of tepid water I +started to wet the hard, dry dressings, and leave them to soften before +being removed. Before night I discovered that lint is an instrument of +incalculable torture, and should never be used, as either blood or pus +quickly converts some portion of it into splints, as irritating as a +pine shaving. + + + +CHAPTER LIII. + + +HOSPITAL GANGRENE. + +About nine o'clock I returned to the man I had come to help, and found +that he still slept. I hoped he might rouse and have some further +message for his wife, before death had finished his work, and so +remained with him, although I was much needed in the "very bad ward." + +I had sat by him but a few moments when I noticed a green shade on his +face. It darkened, and his breathing grew labored--then ceased. I think +it was not more than twenty minutes from the time I observed the green +tinge until he was gone. I called the nurse, who brought the large man I +had seen at the door of the bad ward, and now I knew he was a surgeon, +knew also, by the sudden shadow on his face when he saw the corpse, that +he was alarmed; and when he had given minute directions for the removal +of the bed and its contents, the washing of the floor and sprinkling +with chloride of lime, I went close to his side, and said in a low +voice: + +"Doctor, is not this hospital gangrene?" + +He looked down at me, seemed to take my measure, and answered: + +"I am very sorry to say, madam, that it is." + +"Then you want lemons!" + +"We would be glad to have them!" "Glad to have them?" I repeated, in +profound astonishment, "why, you _must_ have them!" + +He seemed surprised at my earnestness, and set about explaining: + +"We sent to the Sanitary Commission last week, and got half a box." + +"Sanitary Commission, and half a box of lemons? How many wounded have +you?" + +"Seven hundred and fifty." + +"Seven hundred and fifty wounded men! Hospital gangrene, and half a box +of lemons!" + +"Well, that was all we could get; Government provides none; but our +Chaplain is from Boston--his wife has written to friends there and +expects a box next week!" + +"To Boston for a box of lemons!" + +I went to the head nurse whom I had scolded in the morning, who now gave +me writing materials, and I wrote a short note to the _New York +Tribune_: + +"Hospital gangrene has broken out in Washington, and we want lemons! +_lemons!_ LEMONS! ~LEMONS!~ No man or woman in health, has a right to a +glass of lemonade until these men have all they need; send us lemons!" + +I signed my name and mailed it immediately, and it appeared next +morning. That day Schuyler Colfax sent a box to my lodgings, and five +dollars in a note, bidding me send to him if more were wanting; but that +day lemons began to pour into Washington, and soon, I think, into every +hospital in the land. Gov. Andrews sent two hundred boxes to the Surgeon +General. I received so many, that at one time there were twenty ladies, +several of them with ambulances, distributing those which came to my +address, and if there was any more hospital gangrene that season I +neither saw nor heard of it. + +The officers in Campbell knew of the letter, and were glad of the +supplies it brought, but some time passed before they identified the +writer as the little sister in the bad ward, who had won the reputation +of being the "best wound-dresser in Washington." + + + +CHAPTER LIV. + + +GET PERMISSION TO WORK. + +Rules required me to leave Campbell at five o'clock, but the sun was +going down, and I lay on a cot, in the bad ward, feeling that going +home, or anywhere else, was impossible, when that large doctor came, +felt my pulse, laid his hand on my brow, and said: + +"You must not work so hard or we will lose you! I have been hunting for +you to ask if you would like to remain with us?" + +"Like to remain with you? Well, you will have to send a file of soldiers +with fixed bayonets to drive me away." + +He laughed quite heartily, and said: + +"We do not want you to go away. I am executive officer; Surgeon Kelley +and Dr. Baxter, surgeon in charge, has commissioned me to say that if +you wish to stay, he will have a room prepared for you. He hunted for +you to say so in person, but is gone; now I await your decision. Shall I +order you a room?" + +"Surgeon Baxter! Why--what does he know about me?" + +"Oh, Surgeon Baxter, two medical inspectors, and the surgeon of this +ward were present this morning when you came in and took possession." + +His black eyes twinkled, and he shook with laughter when I sat up, +clasped my hands, and said: + +"Oh, dear? Were they the men who were standing around Charlie? Why I +had not dreamed of them being surgeons!" + +"Did you not know by their shoulders traps?" + +"Shoulderstraps? Do surgeons have shoulderstraps? I thought only +officers wore them!" + +"Well, surgeons are officers, and you can know by my shoulderstraps that +I am a surgeon." + +"Oh, I do not mind you; but Dr. Baxter! How I did behave before him! +What must he have thought? And he does not allow women to come here!" + +"Well. You passed inspection; and as you propose to stay with us, I will +have a room prepared for you." + +He then went on to state that the reason Doctor Baxter would not have +female nurses, was that he would not submit to Miss Dix's interference, +did not like the women she chose, and army regulations did not permit +him to employ any other. + +"But," he continued, "no one can object to his entertaining a guest, and +as his guest you can employ your time as you wish." + +Ah! what a glorious boon it was, this privilege of work, and my little +barrack-room, just twice the width of my iron cot. I would not have +exchanged for any suite in Windsor palace. + + + +CHAPTER LV. + + +FIND A NAME. + +Nothing was more needed in the bad ward, than an antidote for +homesickness, and, to furnish this, I used my talking talent to the +utmost, but no subject was so interesting as myself. I was the mystery +of the hour. Charlie was commissioned to make discoveries, and the +second day came, with a long face, and said: + +"Do you know what they say about you?" + +"No indeed! and suspect I should never guess." + +"Well, they say you're an old maid!" + +I stopped work, rose from my knees, confronted him and exclaimed, with +an injured air: + +"An old maid! Why Charlie! is it possible you let them talk in that +manner about me, after the nice pickles I gave you?" + +The pickles had made him sick, and now there was a general laugh at his +expense, but he stuck to his purpose and said: + +"Well, ain't you on old maid?" + +"An old maid, Charlie? Did any one ever see such a saucy boy?" + +"Oh, but tell us, good earnest, ain't you an old maid?" + +"Well then, good earnest, Charlie, I expect I shall be one, if I live to +be old enough." + +"Live to be old enough! How old do you call yourself?" + +I set down my basin, counted on my fingers, thought it over and +replied: + +"Well, if I live two months and five days longer, I shall be sixteen." + +Then there was a shout at Charlie's expense, and I resumed my work, +grave as an owl. That furnished amusement until it grew stale, when +Charlie came to ask me my name, and I told him it was Mrs. Snooks. + +"Mrs. Snooks?" repeated a dozen men, who looked sadly disappointed, and +Charlie most of all, as I added: + +"Yes; Mrs. Timothy Snooks, of Snooksville, Minnesota." + +This was worse and worse. It was evident no one liked the name, but all, +save one, were too polite to say so, and he roared out: + +"I don't believe a word of it!" + +I sat at some distance with my back to him, dressing a wound; and, +without turning, said, + +"Why? What is the matter with you?" + +"I don't believe that such a looking woman as you are ever married a +fellow by the name of Snooks:" + +"That is because you are not acquainted with the Snooks' family: brother +Peter's wife is a much better looking woman than I am!" + +"Good lookin'!" he sneered; "call yourself good lookin', do you?" + +"Well, I think you intimated as much, did he not boys?" + +They all said he had, and the laugh was turned on him; but he exclaimed +doggedly, + +"I don't care! I'm not goin' to call you Snooks!" + +"And what do you propose to call me?" + +"I'll call you Mary." + +"But Mary is not my name." + +"I don't care! It's the name of all the nice girls I know!" + +"Very good! I too shall probably be a nice girl if I live to grow up, +but just now it seems as if I should die in infancy--am too good to +live." + +"You're the greatest torment ever any man saw." + +The last pin was in that bandage; I arose, turned, and the thought +flashed through my brain, "a tiger." His eyes literally blazed, and I +went to him, looking straight into them, just as I had done into Tom's +more than once. A minnie rifle ball had passed through his right ankle, +and when I saw him first the flesh around the wound was purple and the +entire limb swollen almost to bursting. The ward master told me he had +been given up three days before, and was only waiting his turn to be +carried to the dead house. Next morning the surgeon confirmed the +account, said he had been on the amputation table and sent away in hope +the foot might be saved, adding: + +"I think we were influenced by the splendor of the man's form. It seemed +sacrilege to mangle such a leg then, before we knew it was too late." + +I thought the inflammation might be removed. He said if that were done +they could amputate and save him, and the conversation ended in the +surgeon giving the man to me to experiment on my theory. This seemed to +be generally known, and the case was watched with great interest. No one +interfered with my treatment of him, and nurses designated him to me as +"your man." + +He was a cross between a Hercules and Apollo--grey-eyed, brown-haired, +the finest specimen of physical manhood I have ever seen, and now his +frail hold on life was endangered by the rage into which I had +unwittingly thrown him. So I sat bathing and soothing him, looking ever +and anon steadily into his eyes, and said: + +"You had better call me mother." + +"Mother!" he snarled, "You my mother!" + +"Why not?" + +"Why, you're not old enough!" + +"I am twice as old as you are! + +"No, you 're not; and another thing, you're not big enough!" He raised +his head, surveyed me leisurely and contemptuously, his dark silky +moustache went up against his handsome nose as he sank back and said +slowly: + +"Why, you-'re-not-much-bigger-'an-a-bean!" + +"Still, I am large enough to take care of you and send you back to your +regiment if you are reasonable: but no one can do anything for you if +you fly into a rage in this way!" + +"Yes! and you know that, and you put me in a rage going after them other +fellows. You know I've got the best right to you. I claimed you soon as +you come in the door, and called you afore you got half down the ward. +You said you'd take care of me and now you don't do it. The surgeon give +me to you too. You know I can't live if you don't save me, and you don't +care if I die!" + +I was penitent and conciliatory, and promised to be good, when he said +doggedly: + +"Yes! and I'll call you Mary!" + +"Very well, Mary is a good name--it was my mother's, and I shall no +doubt come to like it." + +"I guess it is a good name! It was my mother's name too, and any woman +might be glad to be called Mary. But I never did see a woman 'at had any +sense!" + +He soon growled himself to sleep, and from that time I called him "Ursa +Major;" but he only slept about half an hour, when a nurse in great +fright summoned me. They had lifted him and he had fainted. + +I helped to put him back into bed, and bathed him until consciousness +returned, when he grasped my wrist with a vice-like hold and groaned. + +"Oh God! Oh mother! Is this death?" + +I heard no more of Miss Mary, or nice girls; but God and mother and +death were often on his lips. + +To the great surprise of every one I quelled the inflammation and fever, +banished the swelling, and got him into good condition, when the foot +was amputated and shown to me. The ankle joint was ground into small +pieces, and these were mingled with bits of leather and woolen sock. No +wonder the inflammation had been frightful; but it was some time after +that before I knew the foot might have been saved by making a sufficient +opening from the outside, withdrawing the loose irritating matter, and +keeping an opening through which nature could have disposed of her +waste. I do not know if surgery have yet discovered this plain, +common-sense rule, but tens of thousands of men have died, and tens of +thousands of others have lost limbs because it was not known and acted +upon. All those men who died of gun-shot flesh wounds were victims to +surgical stupidity. + +I nursed the cross man until he went about on crutches, and his faith in +me was equal in perfection to his form, for he always held that I could +"stop this pain" if I would, and rated me soundly if I was "off in ward +Ten" when he wanted me. One day he scolded worse than usual, and soon +after an Irishman said, in an aside: + +"Schure mum, an' ye mustn't be afther blamin' de rist av us fur that +fellow's impidence. Schure, an' there's some av us that 'ud kick him out +av the ward, if we could, for the way he talks to ye afther all that you +have done for 'im an' fur all av us." + +"Why! why! How can you feel so? What difference is it to me how he +talks? It does him good to scold, and what is the use of a man having a +mother if he cannot scold her when he is in pain? I wish you would all +scold me! It would do you ever so much good. You quite break my heart +with your patience. Do, please be as cross as bears, all of you, +whenever you feel like it, and I will get you well in half the time." + +"Schure mum, an' nobody iver saw the likes of ye!" + +A man was brought from a field hospital, and laid in our ward, and one +evening his stump was giving him great pain, when the cross man advised +him to send for me, and exclaimed: + +"There's mother, now; send for her." + +"Oh!" groaned the sufferer, "what can she do?" + +"I don't know what she can do; an' she don't know what she can do; but +just you send for her! She'll come, and go to fussin' an' hummin' about +just like an old bumble-bee, an' furst thing you know you won't know +nothin', for the pain'll be gone an' you'll be asleep." + + + +CHAPTER LVI. + + +DROP MY ALIAS. + +The second or third day of my hospital work, Mrs. Gaylord, the +Chaplain's wife, came and inquired to what order I belonged, saying that +the officers of the hospital were anxious to know. I laughed, and told +her I belonged exclusively to myself, and did not know of any order +which would care to own me. Then she very politely inquired my name, and +I told her it was Mrs. Jeremiah Snooks, when she went away, apparently +doubting my statement. I had been in Campbell almost a week, when Dr. +Kelly came and said: + +"Madam, I have been commissioned by the officers of this hospital to +ascertain your name. None of us know how to address you, and it is very +awkward either in speaking to you, or of you, not to be able to name +you." + +"Doctor, will not Mrs. Snooks do for a name, for all the time I shall be +here?" + +"No, madam, it will not do." + +I was very unwilling to give my name, which was prominently before the +public, on account of my Indian lecture and _Tribune_ letters, but I +seemed to have at least a month's work to do in Campbell. Hospital +stores were pouring in to my city address, and being sent to me at a +rate which created much wonder, and the men who had given me their +confidence had a right to know who I was. + +So I gave my name, and must repeat it before the Doctor could realize +the astounding fact; even then he took off his cap and said: + +"It is not possible you are _the_ Mrs. ----, the lady who lectured in +Doctor Sunderland's church!" + +So I was proclaimed, with a great flourish of trumpets. For two hours my +patients seemed afraid of me, and it did seem too bad to merge that +giantess of the bean-pole and the press and the tall woman of the +platform both in poor little insignificant me! It was like blotting out +the big bear and the middle-sized bear from the old bear story, and +leaving only the one poor little bear to growl over his pot of porridge. + +In Ward Five was one man who had been laid on his left side, and never +could be moved while he lived. His right arm suffered for lack of +support, and when I knelt to give him nourishment from a spoon, and pray +with him that the deliverer would soon come, he always laid that arm +over my shoulders. The first time I knelt there after I was known, he +said: + +"Ah, you are such a great lady, and do not mind a poor soldier laying +his arm over you!" + +"Christ, the great Captain of our Salvation," I replied, "gathers you in +his arms and pillows your head upon his bosom. Am I greater than he? +Your good right arm has fought for liberty, and it is an honor to +support it, when you are no longer able." + +But nothing else I could ever say to him, was so much comfort as the old +cry of the sufferer by the wayside, "Jesus, thou son of David, have +mercy on me." + +Over and over again we said that prayer in concert, while he waited in +agony for the only relief possible--that of death; and from our last +interview I returned to the bad ward, so sad that I felt the shadow of +my face fall upon every man in it. I could not drive away death's gloom; +but I could work and talk, and both work and talk were needed. + +I sat down between two young Irishmen, both with wounded heads, and +began to bathe them, and comfort them, and said: + +"If you are not better in the morning, I shall amputate both those +heads; they shall not plague you in this manner another day." + +Maybe my sad face made this funny, for their sense of the ridiculous was +so touched that they clasped their sore heads and shrieked with +laughter. Every man in the ward caught the infection, and I was called +upon for explanations of the art of amputating heads, and inquiries as +to Surgeon Baxter's capacity of performing the operation. + +This grotesque idea proved a fruitful subject of conversation, and aided +in leading sufferers away from useless sorrow, toward hope and health; +and bad as the ward was we lost but two men in it. + + + +CHAPTER LVII. + + +HOSPITAL DRESS. + +In that sad ward one superior, intelligent young man, who was thought to +be doing well, suddenly burst an artery, and ropes were put up to warn +visitors and others not to come in, and we who were in, moved with bated +breath lest some motion should start the life-current. While his last +hope was on a stillness which forbade him to move a finger, two lady +visitors came to the door, were forbidden to enter, but seeing me +inside, must follow the sheep instinct of the sex, and go where any +other woman had gone. So, with pert words, they forced their way in, +made a general flutter, and, oh horror! one of them caught her hoops on +the iron cot of the dying man. He was only saved from a severe jerk by +the prompt intervention of the special nurse. They were led out as +quietly as possible, but the man had received a slight jerk and a +serious shock. The hemorrhage would probably have returned if they had +not come in, but it did return, and the young, strong life ebbed +steadily away in a crimson current which spread over the floor. + +From that day until the end of my hospital work, one fact forced itself +upon my attention, and this is, that with all the patriotism of the +American women, during that war, and all their gush of sympathy for the +soldier, a vast majority were much more willing to "kiss him for his +mother" than render him any solid service, and that not one in a hundred +of the women who succeeded in getting into hospitals would dress so as +not to be an object of terror to men whose life depended on quiet. + +Women were capable of any heroism save wearing a dress suitable for +hospital work. The very, very few who laid aside their hoops, those +instruments of dread and torture, generally donned bloomers, and gave +offense by airs of independence. + +Good women would come long distances to see dying husbands, brothers and +sons, and fill the wards with alarm by their hoops. When any one was +hurt by them they were very sorry, but never gave up the cause of +offense, while their desire to look well, and the finery and fixings +they donned to improve their appearance, was a very broad and painful +burlesque. Women were seldom permitted to stay in a hospital over night, +even with a dying friend, and the inhabitants were generally glad when +they started for home. + +It was the dress nuisance which caused nuns to have the preference in so +many cases; but I could not see or hear that they ever did anything but +make converts to the church and take care of clothing and jellies. + +One thing is certain, _i.e._, that women never can do efficient and +general service in hospitals until their dress is prescribed by laws +inexorable as those of the Medes and Persians. Then, that dress should +be entirely destitute of steel, starch, whale-bone, flounces, and +ornaments of all descriptions; should rest on the shoulders, have a +skirt from the waist to the ankle, and a waist which leaves room for +breathing. I never could have done my hospital work but for the dress +which led most people to mistake me for a nun. + + + +CHAPTER LVIII. + + +SPECIAL WORK. + +In the wilderness of work I must choose, and began to select men who had +been given up by the surgeons, and whom I thought might be saved by +special care. Surgeon Kelly soon entered into my plan, and made his ward +my headquarters. To it my special patients were brought, until there was +no more room for them. That intuitive perception of the natural position +of muscles, and the importance of keeping them in it, which came to me +on first seeing a wound dressed, gave me such control over pain that I +used to go through the wards between midnight and morning and put +amputation cases to sleep at the rate of one in fifteen minutes. + +In these morning walks I saw that the nurses were on duty and had +substantial refreshments, saw those changes for the worse, sure to come, +if they came at all, in those chill hours. Seeing them soon was +important to meeting them successfully, and I succeeded in breaking up +many a chill before it did serious damage, which must have proved fatal +if left until the morning visit of the Surgeon. Also, in those walks I +chose special cases; have more than once sat down by a man and +calculated in this way: + +"You may have twenty, forty years of useful life, if I can save you; I +shall certainly die one year sooner for the labor I expend on you, but +there will be a large gain in the average of life and usefulness; and +when you risked all of your life for the country as much mine as yours, +it is but just that I should give a small part of mine to save you." + +Every man lived whom I elected to life, and Dr. Kelly, who knew more +than any one else about my plans, and on whom I most counted for aid, +has said that I saved enough to the government in bounty money, by +returning men to duty who would otherwise have died, to warrant it in +supporting me the balance of my life; but his statements could not +always be relied upon, for he insisted that I never slept, had not been +asleep during the seven weeks spent in Campbell, was a witch and would +float like a cork, if thrown from the Long Bridge into the Potomac. + +In selecting a man in desperate case to be saved, I always took his +temperament and previous life into consideration. A man of pure life and +sanguine temperament was hard to kill. Give him the excuse of good +nursing and he would live through injuries which must be fatal to a +bilious, suspicious man, or one who had been guilty of any excess. A +tobacco chewer or smoker died on small provocation. A drunkard or +debauchee was killed by a scratch. + +There were two ward surgeons who disapproved of the innovation of a +woman in Campbell, and especially of one held amenable to no rules. They +were both in favor of heroic treatment, which I did not care to witness, +and I spent little time in their wards. One of them kept a man, with two +bricks tied to his foot and hanging over the foot of the bed, until he +died, after ten days of a sleepless agony such as could not well have +been excelled in an Inquisition; while his wife tried to comfort him +under a torture she begged in vain to have remitted. The night after +she started home with his body, I was passing through the ward, when I +came upon a young Philadelphia Zouave in a perfect paroxysm of anguish. +Three nurses stood around him, and to my inquiry "What _is_ the matter?" +replied by dumb show that coming death was the matter, and that soon all +would be over; while in words they told me he had not slept for +forty-eight hours. + +I had one place a chair for me, sat down, and with my long, thin hands +grasped the thigh stump, which was making all the trouble, drew and +pressed the muscle into a natural, easy position, cooed and talked and +comforted the sufferer, as I should have done a sick baby, and in ten +minutes he was asleep. + +Then I whispered the nurses to bring cotton and oakum, and little +cushions; made them put the cotton and oakum, in small tufts, to my +index fingers; and while I crooned my directions in a sing-song lullaby +air, I worked in this support, gradually and imperceptibly withdrawing +my hands, until I could substitute the little cushions for the force by +which they held the muscle in proper position. This done, my boy-soldier +slept as sweetly as ever he had done in his crib. + +Next morning a nurse came running for me to hurry to him. He had slept +six hours, waked, had his breakfast, and had his wound dressed, and now +the pain was back bad as ever. I went, fixed the mangled muscle with +reference to his change of position, made a half-mould to hold it there, +and before I had finished he began an eight-hour sleep. Ten days after +he was sent home to his mother, and I saw or heard of him no more. + + + +CHAPTER LIX. + + +HEROIC AND ANTI-HEROIC TREATMENT. + +The other ward in which I was not welcome, adjoined that one in which my +room was situated, and to reach it I must go out of doors or pass +through one-half the length of that ward. In these passages I had an +opportunity for studying Piemia and its ordinary treatment, and could +give the men lemonade when they wanted it. + +In this ward lay a young German with a wounded ankle. He had a broad, +square forehead, skin white as wax, large blue eyes and yellow hair, +inclined to curl. His whole appearance indicated high culture, and an +organization peculiarly sensitive to pleasure or pain; but no one seemed +to understand that he suffered more than others from a like cause. + +Surgeon and nurses scoffed at his moans, and thought it babyish, for a +muscular man over six feet to show so many signs of pain. I think that +from some cause, the surgeon felt vindictive toward him, and that his +subordinates took their cue from him. When I went to give him lemonade, +he would clutch my hand or dress, look up in my face, and plead: + +"Oh, mutter! mutter!" + +But if I sat down to soothe and comfort him, a nurse always came to +remind me of the surgeon's orders, and I used to go around on the +outside, that he might not see and call me. When he was in the +amputation room I heard his shrieks and groans, and carried a glass of +wine to the door for him. + +He heard my voice, and called "Mutter! mutter!" + +I pushed past the orderly, ran to him, and his pleading eyes seemed to +devour me as he fastened his gaze on my face. I cannot think to this day +why be should have been nude for the amputation of a foot; but he was, +and some one threw a towel across his loins as I approached. + +Dr. Baxter said: + +"No sympathy! no sympathy!" + +So I stood by him, placed a hand on each side of his corrugated brow, +steadied my voice and said: + +"Be a man and a soldier!" + +He had asked me for bread; I gave him a stone, and no wonder he dashed +it back in my face. With a fierce cry he said: + +"I hev been a man and a sojer long enough!" + +Ah! verily had he, and much too long. Days before that he should have +been "a boy again;" aye, a baby, a very infant--should have been soothed +and softened and comforted with all the tenderness of mother-love; but +even now, in this cruel extremity, every sign of sympathy was denied +him. Some one put a hand gently but firmly on each of my shoulders, +turned my back to him, took me out of the room, and I hurried away, +while the air shuddered with his shrieks and groans. After he had been +brought back to his place in the ward I could often hear him as I passed +to and from my room, and even while I occupied it. + +Once he saw me through the open door, and called, "Mutter! mutter!" + +I went, knelt by him, took his hands, which were stretched appealingly +to me, and spoke comforting words, while his blue eyes seemed ready to +start from their sockets, as he clung to my hands with the old familiar +cry: + +"Oh, Mutter! Mutter!" + +He was strapped down to his iron cot, about as closely as he had been to +the amputation table, and the cot fastened to the floor. I had not been +five minutes at his side when his special nurse hurried up and warned me +to leave, saying: + +"It's surgeon's orders. He's not going to have any babyin'!" + +I drew my hands from the frantic grasp, took away that last hold on +human sympathy, and hurried oat, while his cry of "Oh, mutter! mutter!" +rung in my ears as I turned and looked on his pure high brow for the +last time. + +Next morning I heard he had lock-jaw, and that the surgeon was to leave. + +The night after that victim of some frightful, fiendish experiment had +been carried to the dead-house, I was passing through the ward, when +attracted by sounds of convulsive weeping, and I found a young man in an +agony of grief, in one of those sobbing fits sure to come to the +bravest. He was in a high fever, and while I bathed his face and hands, +I asked the cause of his outbreak, and he sobbed: + +"Oh, the pain in my wound! This is the third night I have not slept, and +my God! I can bear it no longer!" + +It was a flesh-wound in the thigh, such an one as usually proved fatal, +and while I set him to talking I began patching scraps of observation +into a theory. He was from Pennsylvania, and bitterly charged his State +with having done nothing for her wounded, and when I asked why he had +not sent for me, he said: + +"Oh, I thought you were from Massachusetts, like all the rest of them; +and if my own State would do nothing for me, I would not beg. People +come here every day looking for Massachusetts soldiers. Since I have +been frantic here, ladies have come and stood and looked at me, and said +'Poor fellow!' as if I had been a dog. I was as well raised as any of +them, even if I am a common soldier." + +I thought his recovery very doubtful, and talked to draw his thoughts to +the better land. To his charges against his native land, I said: "I am a +Pennsylvanian; and more than that, the Governor of Pennsylvania sent me +to you; bade me come to-night, that you might know he had not forgotten +you." + +"He did? Why, how did he know anything about it?" + +"He just knows all about it, and has been caring for you all this time. +I do not mean Andy Curtin. He is nothing but a subaltern; but the dear +Lord, our Father in Heaven, who never forgets us, though he often +afflicts us. He sent me to you now, that you might know he loves you. It +was he who made me love you and care to help you. All the love and care +that come to you are a part of his love." + +"He wept afresh but less bitterly, and said: + +"Oh you will think I am a baby!" + +"Well! That is just what you ought to be. Your past life is sufficient +certificate of manhood; and now has come your time to be a baby, while +I am mother. You have been lying here like an engine, under a high +pressure of steam, and the safety-value fastened down with a billet of +wood, until there has been almost an explosion. Now just take away that +stick of wood--your manhood and pride, and let out all the groans and +tears you have pent in your heart. Cry all you can! This is your time +for crying!" + +When I had talked him into a mood to let me feel if his feet were warm, +I found that wounded limb dreadfully swollen, cold almost as death, +stretched out as he lay on his back, and a cushion right under the heel. +Had there been no wound the position must have been unendurable. Without +letting him know, I drew that cushion up until it filled the hollow +between the heel and calf of the leg, and supported the strained muscle, +tucked a handful of oakum under the knee, moved the toes, brushed and +rubbed the foot, until circulation started, sponged it, rolled it in +flannel, of which I had a supply in my basket, washed the well foot, and +put a warm woolen sock on it, arranged the cover so that it would not +rest on the toes of the sore leg; told him to get the new surgeon next +morning to make a large opening on the lower side of his thigh, where +the bullet had gone out--to ask him to cut lengthwise of the muscle; get +out everything he could, that ought not to be in there; keep that +opening open with a roll of bandage, so that old Mother Nature should +have a trap-door through which she could throw her chips out of that +work-shop in his thigh; to be sure and not hint to the surgeon that I +had said anything about it, and not fail to have it done. + +I left him asleep, and the next day he told me the surgeon had taken a +quart of pus and several pieces of woolen cloth out of his wound, and +his recovery was rapid. + + + +CHAPTER LX. + + +COST OF ORDER. + +In making molds and rests for mangled limbs, I had large demands for +little cushions, and without economy could not get enough. When one just +fitted a place I wanted to keep it, and to do this, must have it aired, +perhaps washed. To avoid lint dressings, I hunted pieces of soft, table +linen, gave to patients pieces to suit, and as the supply was short they +would get nurses and surgeons to leave their pieces of linen, after +dressing their wounds until I should take charge, and have them cleansed +for next time. To do all this, I must use the grass-plats and railings +for airing and drying cushions and rags. These plats and railings were +for ornament, and there was soon a protest against putting them to "such +vile uses." I had gone into the hospital with the stupid notion that its +primary object was the care and comfort of the sick and wounded. It was +long after that I learned that a vast majority of all benevolent +institutions are gotten up to gratify the asthetic tastes of the public; +exhibit the wealth and generosity of the founders, and furnish places +for officers. The beneficiaries of the institutions are simply an +apology for their existence, and having furnished that apology, the less +said about them the better. + +The surgeons of Campbell did really want its patients to be happy and +get well; but it was a model institution, with a reputation to sustain; +was part of a system under general laws, which might not be broken with +impunity. There was no law against a man dying for want of sleep from +pain caused by misplaced muscle; but the statutes against litter were +inexorable as those of the Medes and Persians. The Campbell surgeons +winked at my litter, until one regular inspection day, when my cushions +and rags, clean and unclean, those marked John Smith, and those labeled +Tom Brown, were all huddled up and stuffed _en masse_ into the pantry +closet. + +I used to wonder if the Creator had invented a new variety of idiot, and +made a lot in order to supply the army with medical inspectors, or, if +by some cunning military device, the Surgeon-General had been able to +select all those conglomerations of official dignity and asinine +stupidity, from the open donkey-market of the world. Inspecting a +hospital was just like investigating an Indian fraud. The man whose work +was to be inspected or investigated, met the inspector or investigator +at the door, showed him all he wished him to see and examine witnesses +wholly in his power--when the inspected and inspector, the investigated +and investigator exchanged compliments, and the public were gratified to +learn that all was in a most gratifying condition of perfect order. + +One day we had a particularly searching inspection, and next day nurse +told me of some four new cases which had been brought in a week before, +one of whom the inspectors said was past hope. I found his feet and +legs with, a crust on them like the shell of a snail; had a piece of +rubber cloth laid under them, and with tepid water, a good crash towel, +and plenty of rubbing, got down to the skin, which I rubbed well with +lard. Then with fresh towels and water at hand, I drew away the sheet in +which the patient had rolled his head, and while I washed his head and +arms and breast, I talked, and he tried to answer; but it was some time +before he could steady his tongue and lips so as to articulate, and when +he did, his first words were: + +"Are you the woman that's been a-washin' my feet?" + +"That is exactly what I have been doing, and much need they had of it. +Do you not think you are a pretty fellow to have me come all the way +from Minnesota to wash your feet?" + +It was with much effort he could fix his dazed eyes on my face, and he +made several pitiful attempts before he succeeded in saying: + +"I think ye'r the best woman that ever I saw!" + +"Ah, that is because you never saw much, away out there in Venango +county, Pennsylvania, where you live. There are thousands of better +women than I, running around hunting work, in this part of the country." + +"Is there?" + +"Yes, indeed; and nothing for them to do!" + +"I never saw none uv 'em!" + +"That is because you have had your head rolled up in that sheet. Just +keep your head uncovered, so you can breathe this nice, fresh air; open +your eyes every little while, and you will see a whole row of those +women, all hunting work!" + +He seemed quite interested, and when I had done washing and given +directions to a nurse to cleanse the balance of his person, I asked if +there was anything more I could do for him, when he stammered: + +"Not unless you could get me a cup of tea--a cup of good green tea, +'thout any milk or sugar in it. If you do, I'll pay you for it." + +"Pay me for it, will you? and how much will you give me--three cents?" + +"Oh, I'll give you twenty-five cents." + +"Twenty-five cents for a cup of good green tea, without any milk or +sugar in it!" + +I called the ward to witness the bargain, said I should grow rich at +that rate, and hurried off for the tea. + +I had a little silver tray and tea-set, with two china cups. Mrs. +Gangewer, of the Ohio Aid Society, had sent me a tin tea-kettle and +spirit-lamp; folks at a distance had sent plenty of the best tea; and +that little tea-tray had become a prominent feature of Campbell long +before this poor fellow specified his want. I made the tray unusually +attractive that day, and fed him his tea from a spoon, while he admired +the tiny pot, out of which, with the aid of the kettle, I could furnish +twenty cups of good tea. When I had served all in that ward who wanted +tea, the first one took a second cup, and while taking it his skin grew +moist, and I knew he was saved from that death of misplaced matter +vulgarly called "dirt," to which well-paid medical inspectors had +consigned him, while giving their invaluable scientific attention to +floor-scrubbing and bed-making, to whitewashing and laundry-work. + +I doubt if there were a Medical Inspector in the army who was not a +first rate judge of the art of folding and ironing a sheet or +pillow-slip; of the particular tuck which brought out the outlines of +the corners of a mattress, as seen through a counterpane; and of the art +and mystery of cleaning a floor. It did seem as if they had all reached +office through their great proficiency as cabin-boys. + +Next day I went to that ward with my tea-tray; and after learning that +that man had been washed once more, asked him if he wanted another cup +of tea. + +"I'd like to have one," he stammered; "but I didn't pay you for the last +one, and I can't find my wallet!" + +I saw the debt troubled him, and took this as one more evidence that +somewhere there were people who sold hospital stores to sick soldiers. +So I took pains to explain that he owed me nothing; that the tea was +his--ladies had sent it to me to give to him--and all the pay they +wanted was for him to get well, and go home to his mother. + +The idea that some one was thinking for him seemed to do him almost as +much good as the tea. + +I left Campbell next day, but on my first visit found him convalescing, +and on the second visit he ran down the ward holding his sides and +laughing, and I saw or heard of him no more. + + + +CHAPTER LXI. + + +LEARN TO CONTROL PIEMIA. + +About ten days after I went to Campbell, I was called at midnight to a +death-bed. It was a case of flesh-wound in the thigh, and the whole limb +was swollen almost to bursting, so cold as to startle by the touch, and +almost as transparent as glass. I knew this was piemia and that for it +medical science had no cure; but I wanted to warm that cold limb, to +call circulation back to that inert mass. The first thought was warm, +wet compresses, hot bricks, hot flannel; but the kitchen was locked, and +it was little I could do without fire, except to receive and write down +his dying messages to parents, and the girl who was waiting to be his +wife. + +When the surgeon's morning hour came he still lived; and at my +suggestion the warm compresses were applied. He said, "they feel so +good," and was quite comforted by them, but died about ten o'clock. I +was greatly grieved to think he had suffered from cold the last night of +life, but how avoid any number of similar occurrences? There was no +artificial heat in any of the wards. A basin of warm water was only to +be obtained by special favor of the cooks; but they had been very +courteous. The third day of my appearance among them, one looked up over +the edge of the tub over which he bent, washing potatoes, and said, as I +stood waiting for hot water, + +"Do you know what you look like going around here among us fellows?" + +"No! but nothing dreadful I hope." + +"You just look like an angel, and that's what we all think; we're ever +so much better since you came." + +The memory of this speech gave me courage to go and lay my trouble +before the cooks, who gathered to hear me tell the story of that death, +the messages left for the friends who should see him no more, and of my +sorrow that I could not drive away the cold on that last, sad night. + +They all wiped their eyes on their aprons; head cook went to a cupboard, +brought a key and handed it to me, saying: + +"There, mother, is a key of this kitchen; come in here whenever you +please. We will always find room on the ranges for your bricks, and I'll +have something nice in the cupboard every night for you and the nurses." + +This proved to be the key to the situation, and after I received that +bit of metal from cook, there was not one death from piemia in any ward +where I was free to work, although I have had as many, I think, as sixty +men struck with the premonitary chill, in one night. I concluded that +"piemia" was French for neglect, and that the antidote was warmth, +nourishing food, stimulants, friction, fresh air and cheerfulness, and +did not hesitate to say that if death wanted to get a man out of my +hands, he must send some other agent than piemia. I do not believe in +the medical theory concerning it; do not believe pus ever gets into the +veins, or that there is any poison about it, except that of ignorance +and indifference on the part of doctors and nurses. + + + +CHAPTER LXII. + + +FIRST CASE OF GROWING A NEW BONE. + +I had searched for Minnesota men in Campbell, found none, and had been +there a week, when Mrs. Kelsey told me there was one in ward ten, +credited to a Wisconsin regiment; and from him I learned that he was a +friend and neighbor of my friends, Mr. and Mrs. Bancroft, of +Mantorville, and my conscience reproached me for not sooner finding him; +but the second day Mrs. Gaylord came, as a messenger from the surgeons, +to tell me I need not spend time and strength on him, as he could not be +saved. + +His was a thigh wound. They had thought to amputate, but found the bone +shattered from joint to joint--had, with a chain saw, cut it off above +the knee, and picked out the bone in pieces. There was a splinter +attached to the upper joint, but that was all the bone left in the +thigh, and the injury was one from which recovery was impossible. His +father, a doctor, was visiting him, and knew he must die. + +I went to the patient, who said: + +"Dr. True, the ward surgeon has just been here, and tells me I must +die!" + +I sat by him fitting the measure I had been taking for two days to this +new aspect of the case, and talking of death, and the preparation for +it, until I thought I understood the case, when I said: + +"Be ready for death, as every one of any sense should always be; but I +do not intend to let you die." + +"I guess you cannot help it! All the surgeons and father agree that +there is no hope for me." + +"But they are all liable to be mistaken, and none of them have taken +into the account your courage and recuperative force; your good life and +good conscience; your muscle, like a pine log; your pure breath; your +clear skin and good blood. I do not care what they say, you will live; I +will not let you die!" + +I found Dr. Baxter, and said: + +"I want you to save Corporal Kendall!" + +"Corporal Kendall! who is he?" + +"The man out of whose thigh you took the bone last week." + +His face grew sad, but he said: + +"Oh, we mean to save them all if we can." + +"Doctor, that is no answer. I am interested in this man, know his +friends and want to understand his case. If I can keep his stomach in +good working order and well supplied with blood-making food, keep away +chills and keep down pain, so that he can sleep, will he not get well?" + +He laughed and replied: + +"Well, I really never heard of a man dying under such circumstances." + +"I can do that, doctor." + +"If you can you will save him, of course, and we will give him to you." + +"But, doctor, you must do all the surgery. I must not give him pain; +cannot see that wound." + +"Oh, certainly, we will do everything in our power; but he is yours, for +we have no hope of saving him." + +"Another thing, doctor; you will have him brought to Ward Four." + +He gave the order at once, adding: "Put him to the right of Howard"--a +young Philadelphian with a thigh stump, who was likely to die of +hemorrhage, and whose jerking nerves I could soothe and quiet better +than any one else. + +By this arrangement the man minus a thigh bone was placed in the center +of my field of labor, and under the care of Dr. Kelly; but full ten days +after this arrangement was made, he came with a rueful face and said: + +"We have consulted the Surgeon-General, Medical Inspector, and a dozen +other surgeons outside the hospital, and they all agree that there is no +hope for Kendall. The surgeons here have commissioned me to tell you, +for we think you ought to know. We all appreciate what you are doing, +and think you will save all your other men if you live, but you cannot +stand this strain long. You do not know it; but there is a limit to your +powers of endurance, and you are breaking. You certainly will die if you +keep on as you have been going, and it is not worth your while to kill +yourself for Kendall, for you cannot save him." + +"What is the reason he cannot be saved?" + +"Well, there are several reasons. First, I performed the operation, and +did not do it as thoroughly as I wished. He was coming out from under +the influence of the chloroform, and they hurried me. The case was +hopeless, and no use to give him pain, so there are several pieces of +bone which I failed to find. These are driven into the flesh, and nature +in trying to get rid of them will get up such excessive suppuration that +he must die of exhaustion. Then there is the thigh without a bone, and +there is nothing in the books to warrant a hope that it could heal in +that condition. We could not, in any case, hope for the formation of a +new bone. There are re-sections of two inches, but this is the longest +new formation of which we know anything, and in this case there can be +no hope, because the periosteum is destroyed." + +"Periosteum, doctor. What is that, again?" + +"It is the bone-feeder; the strong membrane which incloses the bone, and +through which it is made. In this case it is absolutely destroyed, +removed, torn to shreds--gone. So there are several reasons why he +cannot be saved." + +"Doctor Kelly, do you intend to let him lie there and die?" + +"Oh no! oh no! I will do all in my power for him. I am paid for that; it +is my duty; but it is not your duty to sacrifice your own life in a vain +effort to save another." + +"Doctor Kelly, he _shall_ not die; I will not let him. I know nothing +about your books and bones; but he can live with one bone wanting, and I +tell you he shall not die, and I will not die either." + +It was a week or more after this conversation I found my patient, one +morning, with blue lips and a pinched nose, and said to him: + +"What is this?" + +"Well, I had a chill last night." + +"A chill and did not send for me?" + +"You were here until after midnight, and must have some rest." + +"Corporal Kendall, how _dare_ you talk to me in that manner? You +promised to send for me if there were any change for the worse; and +after this I cannot trust you. Now I must stay here. Do you think I am +going to lose my investment in you? Do you suppose I would work over you +as I have been doing, and then drop you for fear of a little more work?" + +As I passed to the kitchen I found that blue lips and pinched noses had +suddenly come into fashion; that there were more of them than I had time +to count; but did not, for a moment, dream of letting a man get into the +graveyard by that gate. + +The merry, young Irishman who had volunteered as my orderly, had a +period of active service; and no more willing pair of hands and feet +ever were interposed between men and death. Hot bricks, hot blankets, +bottles of hot water, hot whisky punch and green tea were the order of +the forenoon, and of a good many hours of night and day after it; for +that victory was won by a long struggle. For ten nights I never lay down +in my room; but slept, all I did sleep, lying on a cot about the center +of Ward Four, and two cots from the man minus a bone. I could drop +asleep in an instant, and sleep during ordinary movements; but a change +in a voice brought me to my post in a moment. I could command anything +in the dispensary or store-rooms at any hour of the day or night, and +carried many a man through the crisis of a night attack, when if he had +been left until discovered in the morning, there would have been little +hope for him; and when a surgeon could have done nothing without a key +to the kitchen which none of them had. + +I kept no secrets from any of them: told each one just what I had done +in his ward; thankfully received his approval and directions, asked +about things I did not understand, and was careful that my nursing was +in harmony with his surgery. + +During that trial-time there was one night that death seemed to be +gaining the victory in Corporal Kendall's case. Pain defied my utmost +efforts and held the citadel. Sleep fled; the circulation grew sluggish, +and both he and I knew that the result hung on the hour. It was two +o'clock A.M., and from midnight I had been trying to bring rest. The +injured limb was suspended in a zinc trough. I had raised, lowered it by +imperceptible motions; cut bandage where it seemed to bind, tucked in +bits of cotton or oakum, kept the toes in motion, irritated the surface +wherever I could get the point of a finger in through the bandages; kept +up the heat of the body, and the hope of the soul; and sat down to hold +his hands and try mesmeric passes and sounds, when he turned his head on +the pillow, and said: + +"Even if I should get well, I'll never be fit for infantry service +again." + +"No, you never will." + +"I might walk with that machine you talk of; but never could march and +carry a knapsack! But I have been thinking. I am a pretty good +engineer. You know Secretary Stanton? You might get me transferred to +the Navy, and I could run an engine on a gunboat." + +"That is it, exactly! You will get over this! I will have you +transferred to a gunboat, and next time you will go into the Rebellion +prow foremost. You ought to be at work, in time to help take +Charleston." + +I continued to talk, in a sing-song croone, to stroke his +head, and hold his hand, until he slept, which was but a few moments +after settling that transfer, and the last time I saw him, which was in +'79, he got over the ground and up and down stairs, as fast as most +people, his new bone being quite as good as any of the old ones, except +being a little short and decidedly crooked, although the crook did not +effect its usefulness or general appearance. + + + +CHAPTER LXIII. + + +A HEROIC MOTHER. + +James Bride, who drew me to Campbell, by asking for "something to quench +thirst," was one of the thousands who died of flesh-wounds, for want of +surgical trap doors, through which nature might throw out her chips. His +wound was in the hip, and no opening ever was made to the center of the +injury, except that made by the bullet which had gone in and staid +there. + +His mother came three days before he died, and being minus hoops and +finery, the ward surgeon was anxious she should remain with her son, and +we arranged that she should sleep in my room. There was just space +between the cot and wall for the breadth of a mattress, and when the +door was shut, that space was long enough, for me to lie between the +door and the stand. I have never entertained a guest more cheerfully, or +one by whose presence I felt more honored; yet the traveling costume was +a short calico dress, strong leather shoes and blue woolen stockings, +visible below the dress, a gingham sunbonnet and double-bordered cap +tied under her chin. + +Several richly dressed ladies came from Eastern cities to see dying +relatives, but to none of them were the surgeons so thoroughly +respectful, as to this plain, strong, clean, high-souled country-woman, +who staid with her son, and was hailed with joy by all the men in his +ward, to every one of whom she was sympathetic and helpful. + +Her case was hard. She and her husband, who was old and feeble, had just +three sons, two strong and vigorous, one a cripple. Their two vigorous +sons enlisted together, and fell in the charge on Marie's Hill, within +ten feet and ten minutes of each other. William was buried on the +battle-field, and she had come to see James die in hospital. + +When all was over and her boy was carried to the dead house, they +brought her to me, and I have never heard such pathetic, eloquent +expressions of grief as those she poured forth in that little, rough, +barrack-room. + +"Oh, William! William!" she sobbed, "You are lying, to-night, in your +bloody grave, and your mother will never know where it is! and you, +James! you were my first-born, but I cannot go to you now, where you lie +in the darkness among the dead! Oh, but it is a sad story I must carry +to your old father, to bring his gray hairs in sorrow to the grave. Who +can we lean upon, in our old age? Who will take care of Johnny when we +are gone? Oh, it is a hard, hard lot." + +She wrung her hands, bowed over her knees, in a paroxysm of tears, then +raised herself, threw back her head, and exclaimed. "But oh! boys dear, +wouldn't I rather you were where you are this night, than that you had +thrown down your guns and run!" + + + +CHAPTER LXIV. + + +TWO KINDS OF APPRECIATION. + +Looking down the long vista of memory, to the many faces turned to me +from beds of pain, I find few to which I can attach a name, and one I +seem never to have looked upon but once. It is a long, sallow face, +surmounted by bushy, yellow hair; it has a clear, oval outline, and +straight nose, brown eyes and a down of young manhood on the wasted, +trembling lips; I knew it then, as the face of a fever patient, but not +one to whom I had rendered any special service, and felt surprised when +the trembling lips said, in a pitiful, pleading way. + +"We boys has been a talkin' about you!" + +"Have you, my dear--and what have you boys been saying about me?" + +"We've jist been a sayin' that good many ladies has been kind to us, but +none uv 'em ever loved us but you!" + +"Well, my dear, I do not know how it is with the other ladies, but I am +sure I do love you very, very dearly! You do not know half how much I +love you." + +"Oh, yes, we do! yes, we do! we know 'at you don't take care uv us +'cause it's your juty! you jist do it 'cause you love to!" + +"That is it exactly--just because I love to, and because I want you to +get well and go to your mothers." + +"Yes! but the boys says you don't care about 'em when they get well." + +"They do not need to have me care for them when they are well." + +"Oh, yes, they do! yes, they do! an' if that's the way you're a goin' to +serve me, I'll stay sick a long time." + +When hospital stores came to me so fast that there was great trouble in +getting them wisely distributed, Campbell lent me an ambulance to go +around, see where they were needed, and supply as many as I could. I had +a letter from an old Pittsburg neighbor, asking me to see his brother in +Douglas Hospital, and went in an ambulance well supplied with jellies +and fruit. + +Douglas Hospital was an institution of which the city was proud. It had +much finer buildings than any other in the city, occupied the finest +residence block in the city, and had a wide reputation for grandeur and +beauty and superb management. I found the halls and rooms quite as +elegant as I had any reason to expect, but was surprised to find that +elegance undisturbed by the presence of sick or wounded men. In one back +room a wounded officer looked lonely, and they said there were other +rooms used for sick soldiers, but all I saw were parlors, reception +rooms, offices and sleeping apartments for surgeons, and the Lady +Abbess, with her attendant Sisters of Mercy or Charity. + +After we had strolled through several sumptuous apartments, we were +taken out into the adjoining square, where there were large barracks as +white as lime and brushes could make them, and making a pretty picture +among the trees. Inside, the walls were white as on the outside, and the +pictures already up, as well as those just being put up, were bright as +bright could be. Indeed. I do not know how pictures could have been +greener or bluer or yellower or redder, and when the show-off man called +my attention to them, as calculated to make the place cheerful; I +recognized their merit, but suggested that some paper blinds might be +desirable to keep the sun from shining into the faces of the men who lay +on the cots. + +The roof or walls did not seem well calculated to keep out wind or rain, +but paper blinds would ward off sunshine. From the condition of the +floor, it was evident that the demon of the scrubbing brush, which has +possession of all model institutions, had full sway in Douglas barracks. +Pine boards could not well have been made whiter. No laundry man need +have feared to own to the doing up of the bed linen and counterpanes, +and science had not discovered any mode of making a bed look more like a +packing box, than those in that model hospital. + +What an impertinence a sick or wounded man was, in one of those nice, +square beds. He was almost certain to muss and toss it, and this must +have been a crowning calamity. + +After the showman had shown all he cared to have me see. I sat talking +with the man I had come to visit, and he said, in a whisper: + +"Are there lice in all the hospitals?" + +"Lice? Why, certainly not." "Well, there are plenty of them here, and +they tell us they cannot be helped--that they have them in all the +hospitals. Look here!" + +He turned down the nice counterpane, and there, in the blanket, the +disgusting creatures swarmed. I was shocked, and half rose, in the +impulse to make an outcry, but he warned me not to let any one know he +had told me, or it would be bad for him. I asked why he did not tell the +surgeon. + +"He knows all about them, and says they cannot be helped." + +"You have Sisters of Charity here; tell them." + +"Oh, they never do anything in the ward but walk around and talk nice, +and pray with men who are going to die. They must know about them." + +I walked around alone, and the show-man did not seem to like it, but I +talked with the men in the cots, put my hand under the cover, found feet +encrusted with the exudations of fever, until they were hard and dry as +a bit of kindling wood; hair full of dust from the battle-field, and not +one man who had been washed since being carried away from it; while +there were vermin in every bed. + +The ward-master objected to my leaving a jar of jelly with my friend. It +would spoil the good order of the ward, and all delicacies were to be +given into the care of the Sisters. I found one of them who was quite +willing to take charge of anything I wished to leave, but was powerless +in the matter of vermin. It was the ward master's business to attend to +that. It was the business of the Sisters to look after the clothing when +it came from the laundry, put it in order, and give it out when wanted. + +My failure to get a bed for the man in the fort by applying to those in +authority, made me feel that it would be useless to try that plan about +the vermin; and, in my perplexity, I turned to my old friend and +confidant, the public. To reach it, I wrote to the _New York Tribune_, +giving a very mild statement of the case. + +Two days after Surgeon Baxter came, with a copy of that letter, and told +me he had been ordered to discharge me on account of it. I spoke of the +men who must die if I left, and he was sorry but had no option. Then he +bethought him that maybe I might get the Surgeon-General to permit me to +remain, at least until the cases of my special patients were settled; +otherwise I must leave the hospital that day. He was sorry I had dated +the letter from Campbell, had it not been for this, he could use his +influence to sustain me; but professional etiquette forbade him to +harbor or countenance one who spoke unfavorably of a brother-surgeon. In +other words, by living in a hospital I became one of a ring, bound to +keep hospital secrets, and use only words of commendation in speaking or +writing of anything I saw. + +I took a street car and proceeded to the office of the +Surgeon-General--saw the man who held the lives of my patients in his +hands, ate the only piece of humble pie that over crossed my lips, by +apologizing for telling the truth, and got permission to go back to the +men who looked to me for life. + +I have felt that I made a great mistake--felt that if I had then and +there made war to the knife, and the knife to the hilt, against the +whole system of fraud and cruelty embodied in the hospital service, I +should have saved many more lives in the end. Even while I talked to the +head of that nest of corruption, and listened to his inane platitudes +about my duty as an inmate of a hospital to report abuses to him, and +"the regular way of proceeding," I did want to hurl the gauntlet of an +irregular defiance into his plausible face, but the pleading eyes in +Campbell held me; I could not let those men die, and die they must if I +must leave them. + +Nobody denied the truth of my statements about Douglas Hospital, and I +never learned that any one objected to the facts or their continuance. +It was only their exposure which gave offense. + +This letter made me an object of dread. Folks never knew what I might +see or say next; and there soon arose another trouble about my living in +Campbell; for Miss Dix objected, claimed that it was an infringement on +her authority. Then again, there were others who could not see why there +should be but one female nurse in Campbell. Dr. Baxter, by admitting me, +had abandoned his ground, acknowledged that men alone could not manage a +first-class hospital; and having discovered his mistake, was bound to +rectify it by admitting a corps of lady nurses. He was bombarded by Miss +Dix's official power, pestered by the persistant appeals of volunteers; +sneered and scoffed at and worried, until he fell back on his old +position, and promptly dismissed me so soon as my patients were out of +danger. He was always courteous to me as a visiter, and has my lasting +gratitude and respect for breaking his rules and bearing the persecution +he did, that I might do the work I did, and could not have done without +his effective and generous co-operation. + +The proportion of thigh stumps saved, was the test of a hospital's +success; and the summer I was in Campbell, we saved nineteen out of +twenty; next summer Chaplain Gaylord told me they lost nineteen in +twenty, and added: "Piemia has literally swept our wards." + + + +CHAPTER LXV. + + +LIFE AND DEATH. + +When released from the hospital, I had neither money nor clothes, and +this is all the account I can render to the generous people who sent me +hospital stores. I could not answer their letters. Some of them I never +read. I could only give up my life to distributing their bounty, and +knew that neither their money nor my own had remained in my hands when +it was necessary for me to borrow two dollars to get a dress. My cloth +traveling suit was no longer fit for use, and my platform suit too good. +These were all I had brought to Washington; but the best men never +refused me audience because I wore a shaker bonnet, a black lawn skirt +and gray linen sack. Some thought I dressed in that way to be odd, but +it was all I could afford. + +The Quarter-Master-General had canceled my appointment, because I had +not reported for duty, but Secretary Stanton reinstated me, and I went +to work on the largest salary I had ever received--fifty dollars a +month. After some time it was raised to sixty, and I was more than +independent; but my health was so broken that half a dozen doctors +commanded me to lie on my back for a month, and I spent every moment I +could in that position. + +I had grown hysterical, and twice while at work in the office, broke out +into passionate weeping, while thinking of something in my hospital +experience, something I had borne, when it occurred, without a tear, or +even without feeling a desire to weep. + +In September I had twenty days' leave of absence to go to St. Cloud, +settle my business and bring my household gods. There were still no +railroads in Minnesota, and I was six days going, must have six to +return, and one to visit friends at Pittsburg, yet in the time left, +sold _The Democrat_, closed my home, and met Gen. Lowrie for the first +and last time. + +He called and we spent an hour talking, principally of the war, which he +thought would result in two separate governments. His reason seemed to +be entirely restored; but his prestige, power, wealth and health were +gone. I tried to avoid all personal matters, as well as reference to our +quarrel, but he broke into the conversation to say: + +"I am the only person who ever understood you. People now think you go +into hospitals from a sense of duty; from benevolence, like those good +people who expect to get to heaven by doing disagreeable things on +earth; but I know you go because you must; go for your own pleasure; you +do not care for heaven or anything else, but yourself." He stopped, +looked down, traced the pattern of the carpet with the point of his +cane, then raised his head and continued: "You take care of the sick and +wounded, go into all those dreadful places just as I used to drink +brandy--for sake of the exhilaration it brings you." + +We shook hands on parting, and from our inmost hearts, I am sure, wished +each other well. I was more than ever impressed by the genuine greatness +of the man, who had been degraded by the use of irresponsible power. + +We reached Washington in good time, and I soon realized the great +advantage of rest. Six hours of office work came so near nothing to do, +that had I been in usual health I should probably have raised some +disturbance from sheer idleness; but I learned by and by that the close +attention demanded to avoid mistakes, could not well have been continued +longer. + +Several ladies continued distributing hospital stores for me all that +fall and winter, and next spring I still had some to send out. When able +I went myself, and in Carver found a man who had been wounded in a +cavalry charge, said to have been as desperate as that of "the Light +Brigade;" and who refused to take anything from me, because he had "seen +enough of these people who go around hospitals pretending to take care +of wounded soldiers." + +I convinced him it was his duty to take the jelly in order to prevent my +stealing it. Also, that it was for my interest to save his life, that I +might not have to pay my share of the cost of burying him and getting a +man in his place. Nay, that it was my duty to get him back into the +saddle as fast as possible, that my government need not pay him for +lying abed. He liked this view of the case, and not only took what I +offered him, but next time I went asked for Jefferson-tie shoes to +support his foot, and when I brought them said he would be ready for +duty in a week. + +In Judiciary Square, a surgeon asked me to give a jar of currant jelly +to a man in Ward Six, who was fatally wounded. + +I found the man, those in the neighboring cots and the nurse, all very +sad, talked to him a few moments, and said: + +"You think you are going to die!" + +"That is what they all say I must do!" + +"Well, I say you are not going to do anything of the kind!" + +"Oh! I guess I am!" + +"Not unless you have made up your mind to it, and are quite determined. +Those hip wounds kill a great many men, because folks do not know how to +manage them, and because the men are easy to kill; but it takes a good +deal to kill a young man with a good conscience, who has never drank +liquor or used tobacco; who has muscle like yours, a red beard and blue +gray eyes." + +I summoned both his day and night nurse, told all three together of the +surgical trap-door that old Mother Nature wanted made and kept open, +clear up to the center of that wound. The surgeon would always make one +if the patient wanted it. I told them about the warmth and nourishment +and care needed, and left him and them full of hope and resolution. + +Next time I was in Judiciary, a young man on crutches accosted me, +saying: + +"Were not you in Ward Six, about six weeks ago?" + +"Yes!" + +"Do you remember a man there, that every one said was going to die, and +you said he wouldn't?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, I'm the fellow." + +I looked at him inquiringly, and said: + +"Well, did you die?" + +He burst into uproarious laughter, and replied: + +"No, but I'm blamed if I wouldn't, if you hadn't come along." + +I passed on, left him leaning against the wall finishing his laugh, and +saw or heard of him no more. + +It was but a few days after he passed out of my knowledge that news came +of the death of Gen. Lowrie. It was the old story, "the great man down," +for he died in poverty and neglect, but with his better self in the +ascendent. His body lies in an unmarked grave, in that land where once +his word was law. + +Pondering on his death, I thought of that country boy going to his +father's house, with the life restored by one he knew not, even by name, +and the going home of that mature man, who thought he knew my inmost +soul, and with whose political death I was charged. Only the wisdom of +eternity can determine which, if either, I served or injured. To the +one, life may lack blessing, to the other, death be all gain. + + + +CHAPTER LXVI. + + +MEET MISS DIX AND GO TO FREDERICKSBURG. + +I sat down stairs, for the first time after a two weeks' illness, when +Georgie Willets, of Jersey City, came in, saying: + +"Here is a pass for you and one for me, to go to Fredericksburg! A boat +leaves in two hours, and we must hurry!" + +For several days the air had shuddered with accounts of the terrible +suffering of our men, wounded in the battle of the Wilderness; and a +pall of uncertainty and gloom hung over the city. + +I made a tuck in a queen's-cloth dress, donned it, selected a light +satchel, put into one side a bottle of whiskey and one of sherry, half a +pound of green tea, two rolls of bandage and as much old table-linen as +packed them close; put some clothing for myself in the other side, and a +cake of black castile soap, for cleansing wounds; took a pair of good +scissors, with one sharp point, and a small rubber syringe, as surgical +instruments; put these in my pocket, with strings attaching them to my +belt; got on my Shaker bonnet, and with a large blanket shawl and tin +cup, was on board with Georgie, an hour before the boat left. + +It had brought a load of wounded from Belle Plain; some were still on +board, and suffering intensely from thirst, and hard, dry dressings. It +was a hot day, and we both went to work giving drinks of water, wetting +wounds, and bathing hot heads and hands. As Georgie passed the foot of +the cabin stairs, Miss Dix was coming down, and called to her, saying: + +"What are you doing here?" + +She made no reply, but passed on to her work, when the irate lady turned +to where I was drawing water from a cooler, and asked, in a tone of high +displeasure: + +"Who is that young girl?" + +"Miss Georgie Willets, of Jersey City," I replied. + +"And where is she going?" + +"To Fredericksburg." + +"By whose authority?" she demanded. + +"By authority of the Surgeon-General," I replied. + +"The Surgeon-General has no authority to send a young girl down there +alone." + +"She is not going alone." + +"Who is going with her?" she asked, tartly. + +"I am." + +"Who are you?" + +I told her, and she ceased to be insulting long enough to expostulate on +the great impropriety of the proceeding, as well as to explain the total +lack of any need of help in Fredericksburg. She had just returned from +that city, where she had arranged everything in the most satisfactory +manner. Hospitals had been established, with surgeons and nurses. There +was therefore not the slightest occasion for our going further; but she +was about to organize relief for the men while waiting at the Washington +wharf to be taken to hospitals. Here I might be useful, and here she +would be glad to have me work; but as for that handsome young girl, she +wondered at me for bringing her into such a place. + +Georgie was not merely handsome. She was grand, queenly; and I told Miss +Dix that I differed with her about the kind of women who should go into +such places. We wanted young, vigorous women--women whose self-respect +and social position would command the respect of those to whom they +ministered. She grew angry again, and said: + +"She shall not go to Fredericksburg; I will have her arrested!" + +I was kneeling beside a man whose wounds I was bathing; for I had not +suspended my work to talk with her, who stood, straight as a telegraph +pole, holding a bottle which she ever and anon applied to her nose; but +when she reached this climax, I raised my head, looked into her face, +and said: + +"I shall not be sorry Miss Dix, if you do; for then I shall apply to my +friends, Mrs. Abraham Lincoln and Secretary Stanton, and have your +authority tested." + +I went on with my work; she growled something and left the boat, but did +not disturb us further. + +Going down the river I grew worse, and thought I might be obliged to +return with the boat, and stay at home; but consulted a surgeon on his +way to the front, who talked with another, and said: + +"There is no immediate danger in your case. It is only secondary +hemorrhage; and with care you may go on, but must not attempt to do +anything. You can, however, be of incalculable service, simply by being +in Fredericksburg; can sit down and see that people do their duty. What +our wounded need most, is people who have an interest in their +welfare--friends. You can do a great deal toward supplying this want, +this great need; but be careful and do not try to work." + +After some time this surgeon brought, and introduced Col. Chamberlain, +of Maine, evidently an invalid, and a man of the purely intellectual +type. Two other surgeons were with him, and all three endeavored to +persuade him to return to Washington, as his lack of health made it very +dangerous, if not quite useless, for him to go to the front. I thought +the surgeons right; and told him I feared he was throwing away his life, +in an effort to do the impossible. + +He explained that he was in command of a brigade of eight regiments; +that in them were hundreds of his neighbors and pupils, for he had +resigned a professorship in a college to enlist. Said he knew his own +constitution better than any one else could know it; knew he would be +stronger when he reached his post, and that the danger would be in any +attempt to keep out of danger--the danger which his men must face. +Turning to me he said: + +"If you had eight children down there, you would go to them, if you +could!" + +We arranged that if he should be wounded so as to suffer a thigh +amputation, he should let me know, that I might nurse him through. + +At Belle Plaine, Georgie went to look for transportation, and I to the +Sanitary Commission boat, where I was introduced to Mrs. Gen. Barlow and +Miss Hancock, both busy furnishing hot coffee to those being embarked +for Washington. Mrs. Barlow was a tall, superbly formed woman, very +handsome, and full of health and spirits. She looked down on me +compassionately, and said: + +"Oh, you poor little thing! What ever brought you here? We have sick +folks enough now! Do sit down until I get you a cup of tea!" + +While I drank the tea, she stood looking at me, and said meditatively: + +"Oh, you queer little thing," and hurried off to her work. + +Soon a Colonel with a badly wounded head came on board, leaned against, +a post and groaned. I found a basin of water and a towel, and began +bathing his head, wetting those torturing dressings and making him +comparatively comfortable, when she stopped in her hurried walk, looked +on an instant, and exclaimed: + +"Oh, you nice little thing! Now I see what you are good for! I could not +do that; but you will take care of their wounds and I will feed them! +That will be grand!" + +Soon Georgie came to say there was no transportation to be had, but she +had found a Campbell surgeon in charge of a hospital tent, and he wanted +me; said he was worn out, and had plenty of work for both of us. The +doctor had a large tent, filled with wounded lying on loose hay. His +patients seemed to want for nothing, but he must needs give so much time +to receiving and forwarding those pouring in from the front, that he +needed us. He had a little tent put up for us, and that was the only +night I have ever slept in a tent. + +Next morning while we were attending to a Colonel, and Lieutenant +Colonel, both of the same regiment, and both badly wounded and just +brought in, one said to the other: "My God, if our men in Fredericksburg +could have a little of this care!" "Why?" said I, "I have heard that +everything possible was being done for them?" + +"Everything possible!" exclaimed one, and both together began the most +terrible recital of the neglect and abuse of the wounded in that +horrible place--men dying of thirst, and women spitting in their faces, +kicking and spurning them. We set down our basins; Georgie started in +one direction and I in another, to find transportation. + +The surgeon in command of the station stood superintending the loading +of oats while he looked at my pass, and said he could not possibly send +us, adding: "Fredericksburg is no place for a lady. It is impossible to +describe the condition of things there." + +"But, Doctor, I am not a lady! I am a hospital nurse. The place where +men are suffering must be the place for me. I do not look strong, but +you cannot think how much I can do. + +"But, Madam, you forget that our army is cut off from its base of +supplies, and must be furnished with subsistence, and that we have not +half the transportations we need." + +"Doctor, you are sending bags of oats in ambulances! I do not weigh much +more than one, and will be worth six when you get me there." + +He promised to send me that afternoon, but I doubted him; went to the +Christian Commission tent, found a man who knew me by reputation, and +told him they had better send me to Fredericksburg, or put me under +arrest, for I was in a mood to be dangerous. He feigned fright, caught +up his hat, and said: + +"We'll get you out of this in the shortest possible space of time." + +An hour after I was on the way, and Georgie a few moments in advance. I +had seen bad roads in northern and western Pennsylvania, but this was my +first ride over no road. We met a steady stream of such wounded as were +able to walk, but comparatively few were brought in ambulances. + +It was raining when we reached Fredericksburg, at four o'clock on +Sabbath, and I went to the surgeon in command, reported, and asked him +to send me to the worst place--the place where there was most need. + +"Then I had better send you to the Old Theater, for I can get no one to +stay there." + +He gave me my appointment, and I went to a Corps Surgeon, who signed it, +and advised me not to go to the theater--I could do nothing, as the +place was in such dreadful condition, while I could be useful in many +other places. + + + +CHAPTER LXVII. + + +THE OLD THEATER. + +This building was on Princess Ann street. The basement floor was level +with the sidewalk, but the ground sloped upward at the back; so that the +yard was higher than the floor. Across the front was a vestibule, with +two flights of stairs leading up to the auditorium; behind the vestibule +a large, low room, with two rows of pillars supporting the upper floor; +and behind this three small rooms, and a square hall with a side +entrance. The fence was down between the theater and Catholic church, +next door. I stopped in the church to see Georgie, who was already at +work there, came and left by the back door, and entered the theater by +the side hall. + +The mud was running in from the yard. Opposite the door, in a small +room, was a pile of knapsacks and blankets; and on them lay two men +smoking. To get into the large room, I must step out of the hall mud +over one man, and be careful not to step on another. I think it was six +rows of men that lay close on the floor, with just room to pass between +the feet of each row; they so close in the rows that in most places I +must slide one foot before the other to get to their heads. + +The floor was very muddy and strewn with _debris_, principally of +crackers. There was one hundred and eighty-two men in the building, all +desperately wounded. They had been there a week. There were two leather +water-buckets, two tin basins, and about every third man had saved his +tin-cup or canteen; but no other vessel of any sort, size or description +on the premises--no sink or cess-pool or drain. The nurses were not to +be found; the men were growing reckless and despairing, but seemed to +catch hope as I began to thread my way among them and talk. No other +memory of life is more sacred than that of the candor with which they +took me into their confidence, as if I had been of their own sex, yet +ever sought to avoid wounding the delicacy they ascribed to mine. + +I found some of the nurses--cowards who had run away from battle, and +now ran from duty--galvanized them into activity, invented substitutes +for things that were wanting--making good use of an old knapsack and +pocket-knife--and had tears of gratitude for pay. + +One man lay near the front door, in a scant flannel shirt and cotton +drawers, his left thigh cut off in the middle and the stump supported on +the only pillow in the house. It was six by ten inches, stuffed with +straw. His head was supported by two bits of board and a pair of very +muddy boots. He called me, clutched my dress, and plead: + +"Mother, can't you get me a blanket, I'm so cold; I could live if I +could get any care!" + +I went to the room where the men lay smoking on the blankets; but one of +them wearing a surgeon's shoulderstraps, and speaking in a German +accent, claimed them as his private property, and positively refused to +yield one. The other man was his orderly, and words were useless--they +kept their blankets. + +Going into a room behind that, I found a man slightly wounded sitting on +the floor, supporting another who had been shot across the face, and was +totally blind. He called, and when I came and talked with them, said: + +"Won't you stay with us?" + +"Stay with you?" I replied, "Well, I rather think I will, indeed; I came +to stay, and am one of the folks it is hard to drive away!" + +"Oh! thank God; everybody leaves us; they come and promise, and then go +off, but I know you will stay; you will do something for us!" + +It was so pitiful, that for an instant my courage failed, and I said: + +"I will certainly stay with you; but fear it is little I can do for +you." + +"Oh, you can speak to us; you do not know how good your voice sounds. I +have not seen a woman in three months; what is your name?" + +"My name is mother." + +"Mother; oh my God! I have not seen my mother for two years. Let me feel +your hand?" + +I took between both of mine his hand, covered with mud and blood and +smoke of battle, and told him I was not only going to stay with them, +but was going to send him back to his regiment, with a lot more who were +lying around here doing nothing, when there was so much fighting to be +done; I had come on purpose to make them well, and they might make up +their minds to it. My own courage had revived, and I must revive theirs; +I could surely keep them alive until help should come. By softening the +torturing bandages on his face, I made him more comfortable; and in an +adjoining room found another man with a thigh stump, who had been served +by field-surgeons, as the thieves served the man going from Jerusalem to +Jericho: i.e., "stripped him, left him naked and half dead." Those men +surely did not go into battle without clothes; and why they should have +been sent out of the surgeon's hands without enough of even +underclothing to cover them, is the question I have never yet had +answered. Common decency led to his being placed in the back room alone, +but I shall never blush for going to him and doing the little I could +for his comfort. + +After I returned to the large room, I took notice about clothing, and +found that most of the men had on their ordinary uniform; some had two +blankets, more had one; but full one-third were without any. There was +no shadow or pretense of a bed or pillow, not even a handful of straw or +hay! There was no broom, no hoe, or shovel, or spade to sweep or scrape +the floor; and the horrors were falling upon me when the man of the +blankets came, and said: + +"Mattam, iv you are goin' to do any ding for tese men, you petter git +dem someding to eat." + +"Something to eat?" + +"Yaas! mine Cot, someding to eat! De government petter leave dem to tie +on de pattle field, nur do pring tem here to starve." + +I looked at him in much surprise, and said: + +"Who are you?" + +"Vy, I am de surgeon. Tey send me here; put mine Cot, I cannot do +notting. Tere ish notting to do mit!" + +I called out: "Men, what have you had to eat?" + +"Hard tack, and something they call coffee," was the response. + +"Have you had no meat?" + +"Meat? We have forgotten what it tastes like!" + +In one corner, near the front door, was a little counter and desk, with +a stationary bench in front. To this desk the surgeon gave me a key. I +found writing material, and sent a note of four lines to the Corps +Surgeon. Half an hour after, an irate little man stormed in and stamped +around among those prostrate men, flourishing a scrap of paper and +calling for the writer. His air was that of the champion who wanted to +see "the man who struck Billy Patterson," and his fierceness quite +alarmed me, lest he should step on some of the men. So I hurried to him, +and was no little surprised to find that the offending missive was my +note. I told him I had written it, and could have had no thought of +"reporting" him, since I knew nothing about him. + +After considerable talk I learned that he had charge of the meat, and +that none had been issued to that place, because no "requisition" had +been sent. I had never written a requisition, but found blanks in that +desk, filled one, signed it and gave it to the meat man, who engaged +that the beef should be there next morning. + +It grew dark, and we had two tallow candles lighted! May none of my +readers ever see such darkness made visible--such rows of haggard faces +looking at them from out such cavernous gloom! I talked hopefully, +worked and walked, while mentally exclaiming: + +"Oh, God! What shall I do?" + +About nine o'clock Dr. Porter, Division Surgeon, came with Georgie, to +take us to our quarters. These were but half a block away, on the same +side of the street, but on the opposite side, and corner of the next +cross-street, in a nice two-story brick house, with a small yard in +front. An old lady answered his summons, but refused to admit us: when +he insisted and I interposed, saying the lady was afraid of soldiers, +but would admit us. We would bid him good night, and soon our lodgings +would be all right. + +She was relieved, took us in, cooked our rations for herself and us, +gave us a comfortable bed, and was uniformly kind all the time we +staid, and seemed sorry to have us leave. + +I spoke the first night to Dr. Porter about blankets and straw, or hay +for beds, but was assured that none were to be had. Supplies could not +reach them since being cut off from their base, and the Provost Marshal, +Gen. Patrick, would not permit anything to be taken out of the houses, +though many of them were unoccupied, and well supplied with bedding and +other necessaries. I thought we ought to get two blankets for those two +naked men, if the Government should pay their weight in gold for them; +and suggested that the surgeons take what was necessary for the comfort +of the men, and give vouchers to the owners. I knew such claims would be +honored; would see that they should be; but he said the matter had been +settled by the Provost, and nothing more could be done. + +It seems to me now that I must have been benumbed, or I could have done +something to provide covering for those men. I did think of giving one +of them my shawl, but I must have died without it. I remembered my +Douglas Hospital letter, and knew that Gen. Patrick could order me out +of Fredericksburg, and leave these men to rot in the old theater. +Already their wounds were infested by worms, which gnawed and tormented +them; some of those wounds were turning black, many were green; the +vitality of the men was sinking for want of food and warmth. I could not +forsake them to look after reform; would not fail to do what I could, in +an effort to do what I could not or might not accomplish. + +In the morning I saw that the men had something they called coffee, and +found canned milk for it, which was nourishment; but a new difficulty +arose. The men who brought the coffee would distribute it to those who +had cups or canteens, and the others would get none. I had some trouble +to induce them to leave their cans, until, with the two tin cups I could +borrow, I could give about one-third the whole number the coffee they +could not otherwise have. + +Our cooking was done in the churchyard, with that of the church +patients. A shed had been put up; but our cooking was an "uncovenanted +mercy," and when our beef came there was a question as to how it could +be cooked--how that additional work could be done. + +I wrote to the Provost-Marshal, stating our trouble, and the extremity +of one hundred and eighty-two men. Asked that we might take a cook-stove +out of a vacant house near; promised to take good care of it and have it +returned; and he wrote, for answer: + +"I am not a thief! If you want a stove send to the Sanitary Commission!" + +He must have known that the Commission was as pressed as the Government +to conform its arrangements to the movements of an army cut off from its +base of supplies, and that it had no stoves, so the plain English of his +answer was: + +"Let your wounded die of hunger, in welcome! I am here to guard the +property of the citizens of Fredericksburg!" + +I had already written to the Commission for blankets and a broom, but +there were none to be had. It soon however sent a man, who cut branches +off trees, and with them swept the floors. + + + +CHAPTER LXVIII. + + +AM PLACED IN AUTHORITY. + +On Monday morning I sent for Dr. Porter, and stated the trouble about +nurses shirking. He had them all summoned in the front end of the large +room, and in presence of the patients, said to them: + +"You see this lady? Well, you are to report to her for duty; and if she +has any fault to find with you she will report you to the +Provost-Marshal!" + +I have never seen a set of men look more thoroughly subdued. There were +eleven of them, and they all gave me the military salute. The doctor +went off, and I set them to work. One middle-aged Irishman had had some +experience as a nurse; could dress wounds--slowly, but very well--was +faithful and kind; and him I made head-nurse up stairs, where there were +fifty-four patients, and gave him three assistants, for whom he was to +be responsible. After Patrick's note, I calculated my resources, and got +ready for a close siege. As I sat on that little stationary bench, +making an inventory, I heard shrieks, groans and curses, at the far end +of the room; ran to the place, and got there in time to see the surgeon +of the blankets tearing the dry dressings off a thigh stump! Coming up +behind him, I caught him by both ears, and had my hands full, ordered +him to stop, and said: + +"You had better go back to your room and smoke." + +Again I sent for Surgeon Porter, and in less than two hours that little +wretch, with his orderly, packed up his blankets and I saw him or them +no more. I had never dressed a thigh stump, but must dress a good many +now; I rolled that one in a wet cloth, and covered it carefully, to let +the man get time to rest, while I got rid of his horrid tormentor. When +there was so much to be done, I would do the most needful thing first, +and this was ridding the wounds of worms and gangrene, supporting the +strength of the men by proper food, and keeping the air as pure as +possible. I got our beef into the way of being boiled, and would have +some good substantial broth made around it. I went on a foraging +expedition--found a coal-scuttle which would do for a slop-pail, and +confiscated it, got two bits of board, by which it could be converted +into a stool, and so bring the great rest of a change of position to +such men as could sit up; had a little drain made with a bit of board +for a shovel, and so kept the mud from running in at the side door; +melted the tops off some tin cans, and made them into drinking cups; had +two of my men confiscate a large tub from a brewery, set it in the +vestibule to wash rags for outside covers to wounds, to keep off chill, +and had others bring bricks and rubbish mortar from a ruin across the +street, to make substitutes for pillows. + +I dressed wounds! dressed wounds, and made thorough work of it. In the +church was a dispensary where I could get any washes or medicines I +wished, and I do not think I left a worm. Some of them were over half an +inch long, with black heads and many feet, but most were maggots. They +were often deeply seated, but my syringe would drive them out, and twice +a day I followed them up. The black and green places grew smaller and +better colored with every dressing. The men grew stronger with plenty of +beef and broth and canned milk. I put citric acid and sugar in their +apple sauce as a substitute for lemons. I forget how many thigh stumps I +had, but I think as many as twelve. One of them was very short and in a +very bad condition. One morning when I was kneeling and dressing it, the +man burst into tears, and said: + +"You do not seem to mind this, but I know you would not do it for +anything but the love of God, and none but He can ever reward you; but if +I live to see my wife and children, it will be through what you have +done for me, and I will teach them to bless your name!" + +He quite took me by surprise, for I seemed to have forgotten any other +life than that I was then living; and dressing the most frightful wounds +was as natural as eating. I felt no disgust, no shrinking, and mere +conventional delicacy is withdrawn when the Angel of Death breathes upon +it. + +The man we stepped over at the back door, proved to be a student from +the Pennsylvania Agricultural College, shot through the alimentary +canal, near the base of the spine. For him there was no hope, but I did +what I could to make him less uncomfortable, and once he said: + +"This is strange work for a lady." + +"You forget," I said, "that I am surgeon in charge, that you and I were +made of the same kind of clay, in much the same fashion, and will soon +turn into just the same kind of dust." How my heart was wrung for him, +with his refined face, dying for a country which sent its bayonets to +stand between him and the armful of straw, with which I might have +raised him above that muddy floor. He had no knapsack to serve as a +pillow, no blanket, no cup, and his position across the doorway was cold +and uncomfortable; but even after I had made a better place for him, he +objected to leaving two companions, who lay next to him, and I could not +find room for all three together, even on that dirty floor. He himself +always dressed the wound where the bullet entered, and was most grateful +for the means of doing so. I cared for that one through which Death's +messenger made its exit, and although he knew its condition, he did not +know the certainty of a fatal result, and resented any intimation that +he should not recover. + + + +CHAPTER LXIX. + + +VISITERS. + +The second morning of my work in the old theater, Miss Hancock came to +see how I got along. She was thoroughly practical, and a most efficient +laborer in the hospital field, and soon thought of something to better +the condition of the man minus clothes, who lay quite near my desk and +the front door, and caught my dress whenever he could, to plead for a +blanket. She could get no blanket; but was stationed in the Methodist +Church, where there was a surgeon in charge, and everything running in +regular order. In a tent adjoining, this man could be laid out of the +draught and chill of that basement, and she would do her best to get +some clothing for him. She sent two men with a stretcher, who took him +to the church tent, where I fear he was not much better provided for +than in the place he left. + +After some days, Mrs. Gen. Barlow came to see the men who all belonged +to her husband's division, and were rejoiced to see her; and to express +a general fear for my life. I was to die of overwork and want of sleep, +"and then," she exclaimed, "what will become of these men? No one but +you ever could or would have done anything for them. Do you know there +were three surgeons detailed for duty here, before you came, and none of +them would stay? Now if you die, they will. Do take some rest!" + +I listened and looked at her flushed face, while she talked, and said: + +"Mrs. Barlow, I am not going to die--am in no danger whatever, and will +hold out until help comes. This cannot last; Government will come to the +rescue, and my men will be here when it comes. After all is over, I will +fall to pieces like an old stage coach when the king-bolt drops out; +will lie around as lumber for a while, then some one will put me +together again, and I will be good as new. It is you who are killing +yourself. You must change your arrangements or you will take typhoid +fever, and after such a strain, recovery will be hopeless. I take +nobody's disease--am too repellant; but you will catch contagion very +readily. Keep away from fever cases and rest; you are in imminent +peril." She hurried away, laughing at the idea of one in her perfect +health being injured by hard work; but my heart was full of evil omen. I +had talked with Mrs. Senator Pomeroy, on her way from her last visit to +the Contraband camp, where she gave her life in labor for the friendless +and poor, and she had looked very much as Mrs. Barlow did that day. + +Soon after this, I was made glad by the sight of my friend, Mrs. Judge +Ingersol. People say her daughter, Mrs. Gov. Chamberlain, is a beauty, +but she is not old enough ever to have been as beautiful as her mother, +that day, in her plain widow's dress, walking among the wounded, with +her calm face so full of strength and gentleness. + +She and Mrs. Barlow had hatched a rebellion. In the city was a barn +containing straw, for want of which our men were dying. It was guarded +by one of Gen. Barlow's men. Mrs. Barlow took two others, went with +them, placed herself in front of the guard, told them to break open the +barn and carry out the straw, and him to fire, if he thought it is duty; +but he must reach them through her. The man's orders were to guard the +barn; with the straw out of it he had nothing to do. The men moved side +and side, going in and out, and she kept in range to cover them until +the last armful had been removed. It was taken away and was to be +distributed; but there was still so little compared to the need, that +there must be consultation about the manner of using it. Mrs. Ingersol +thought it should be made into small pillows, and volunteered to +undertake that work; as the Commission could furnish muslin, I thought +this best. She found a loft, and engaged several Fredericksburg women +to work for pay. They worked one day, but did not return on the second. +There were a good many Union women there by this time, who should have +helped, but few could confine themselves to obscure work in a loft, when +there was so much excitement on the streets. There was no authority to +hold any one to steady employment; and so about two-thirds the helpers +who reached Fredericksburg, spent a large part of their time in an +aimless wandering and wondering, and finding so much to be done, could +do nothing. + +So, most of the time Mrs. Ingersol was in her loft alone, except the +orderlies who stuffed her slips, sewed up the ends and carried them off +to the places she designated; but she had nimble fingers, and +sleight-of-hand, and turned out a surprising number of small straw +pillows. + +As my allowance came, the question was what to do with them. They were +too precious for use. What should I do with those scraps of white on +that field of grime? Our gaunt horror became grotesque, in view of such +unwonted luxuries. What! A whole dozen or two little straw pillows among +one hundred and sixty men! Who should elect the aristocrats to be +cradled in such luxury amid that world of want? + +When my aristocrat was elected, how should his luxury be applied? Would +I put it under his head or mangled limb? I think I never realized our +destitution until those little pillows came to remind me that sometimes +wounded men had beds! Oh, God! would relief never come? Like the Scotch +girl in the besieged fortress of India, I felt like laying my ear to the +ground, to harken for the sound of the bagpipes, the tramp of the +Campbells coming. It did seem that, without surgical aid or comforts of +any kind, my men must soon be all past hope; but a surgeon came, and I +hailed him with joy, thinking him the advance guard of the army of +relief. Half an hour after his appearance I missed him, and saw him no +more; and this was the fourth which left those men, after being +regularly detailed to duty among them--left them to die or live, as they +could. + +Soon after this we had an official visit from one of those laundry +critics, called "Medical Inspectors." As there were no sheets or +counterpanes to look after, he turned his attention to a heap of dry +rubbish in the vestibule, which gave the place an untidy appearance, as +seen from the street. To remove this eyesore he had one of my nurses +hunt up a wheel-barrow, and two shovels--shovels were accessible by this +time--and ordered him and another to wheel that rubbish out into the +street. The wheel-barrow coming in the door called my attention, when I +learned that we were going to be made respectable. I sent the +wheel-barrow home, gave the shovels to two men to dig a sink hole back +in the yard, and forbade any disturbance of the dry, harmless rubbish in +the vestibule. I would not have my men choked with dust by its removal, +and set about getting up false appearances. No medical inspector should +white that sepulchre until he cleared the dead men's bones out of it. He +had not looked at a wound; did not know if the men had had any dinner. A +man did not need a medical diploma to clear up after stage carpenters. +If the Government wanted that kind of work done, it had better send a +man and cart with its donkey. + + + +CHAPTER LXX. + + +WOUNDED OFFICERS. + +In Washington, I had done nothing for any wounded officer, except a +captain who was brought to our ward when all the others were taken away, +and in Fredericksburg I began on that principle. I found twenty in the +Old Theater, and had them removed to private houses, to make room for +the men, and that they might be better cared for. Officers could be +quartered in private houses, and have beds, most of those taken out of +the theater were put into houses between it and our quarters, so that I +could see them on my way to and from meals. Among them was the blind +man, who still craved to hear me speak and feel my hand, and I kept his +face in a wet compress until a surgeon was dressing it and found the +inflammation so gone that he drew the lid of one back, and the man cried +out in delight: "I can see! I can see! now let me see mother." I stood +in his range of vision, until the surgeon closed the lids, when he said: +"Now, mother, I shall always remember just how you look." + +I found in my visit to those men that some orderlies needed some one to +keep them in order, and that a helpless man is not always sure his +servant will serve him. Often the orderlies themselves were powerless, +and those men would have suffered if I had not cared for them. More than +once some of them said: "I wish, mother, we were back with you in the +Old Theater?" + +There was a captain whose stump I must fix every night before he could +sleep, and when his wife came I tried to teach her, but she was so much +afraid of hurting him she could do nothing. I learned in time that +officers quartered in private houses, even with the greater comforts +they had, often suffered more than the men in all their privations. Mrs. +Barlow came for me to see one given up to die, and I found him in a +large handsome room, on the first floor of an elegant residence, +absolutely hopeless, but for years have not been able to recall the +trouble in his case. + +It must have been easy to set right, for he began at once to recover, +and I felt that people had been very stupid, and that there was an +unreasonable amount of wonder and gratitude over whatever it was I did. +It was often so easy to save a life, where there were the means of +living, that a little courage or common sense seemed like a miraculous +gift to people whose mental powers had been turned in other directions. + +But I found another side to looking after officers in private quarters. +One evening after dark, Georgia called to tell me of a dreadful case of +suffering which a surgeon wished her to see. He was there to accompany +her, but she declined going without me, and I went along, walking close +behind them, as the pavement was narrow. He did not seem to notice that +I was there, was troubled with the weight of his diploma and +shoulderstraps, and talked very patronizingly to the lady at his side, +until she turned, and said to me: + +"Do you hear that?" + +"Oh, yes," I replied, "and feel very grateful to the young man for his +permission to do the work he is paid for doing, but if he had reserved +his patronage until some one had asked for it, it would have had more +weight." + +"Your friend is sarcastic," was his reply to her; and I said no more +until we reached the case of great distress, which was on the second +floor of a vacant house, and proved to be a colonel in uniform, seated +in an easy chair, smoking, while his orderly sat in another chair, oil +the other side of the room. + +Georgie stood looking from one man to the other in speechless surprise; +but I spoke to the man in the chair, saying: + +"How is it, sir, that you, an officer, in need of nothing, have +trespassed upon our time and strength, when you know that men are dying +by hundreds for want of care?" + +He began to apologize and explain, but I said to Georgie: + +"Come, Miss Willets, we are not needed here." + +As we passed from the room, the surgeon took his cap to accompany us, +when I stopped, made a gesture, and said: + +"Young man! stay where you are! Your friend must be too ill to do +without you. I will see the young lady to her quarters. The vidette is +on the corner, and we do not need you!" + +We came away filled with wonder, but we did not for some time realize +the danger. We came to know that Miss Dix's caution was not altogether +unwise; that women had been led into traps of this kind, when it would +have been well for them had they died there, and when duty to themselves +and the public required them to get one or more doctors ready for +dissection. After that lesson, however, I did not fear to leave Georgie, +who remained with the army, doing grand work, until Richmond fell, but +laying the foundation of that consumption, of which she died. + +Of all the lives which the Rebellion cost us, none was more pure, more +noble, than that of this beautiful, refined, strong, gentle girl. + + + +CHAPTER LXXI. + + +"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP." + +The Sanitary Commission soon got a supply of clothing, and sent two men +to wash and dress my patients. These, with the one sweeping floors with +branches, were an incalculable help and comfort; but these two did their +work and passed on to other places. One of the men they had dressed grew +weak, and I was at a loss to account for his symptoms, until by close +questioning, I drew from him the answer, + +"It is my other wound!" + +These words sounded like a death-knell, but I insisted on seeing the +other wound, and found four bullet holes under his new clothes. From the +one wound, for which I had been caring, he might easily recover; but +with four more so distributed that he must lie on one, and no surgeon to +make trap doors, no bed--there was no hope. He was so bright, so good, +so intelligent, so courageous, it was hard to give him up. Ah, if I had +him in Campbell, with Dr. Kelly to use the knife! How my heart clung to +him! + +He lay near the center of the room, with his head close to a column; and +one night as I knelt giving him drink, and arranging his knapsack and +brick pillow, making the most of his two blankets, and thinking of his +mother at home, I was suddenly impressed by the beauty and grandeur of +his face;--his broad, white brow shaded by bushy, chestnut hair, half +curling; the delicate oval of his cheeks; the large, expressive grey +eyes; the straight nose and firm chin and lips!--he could not have been +more than twenty-two, almost six feet high, with a frame full of vigor. +How many such men were there in this land? How many could we afford to +sacrifice in order to preserve a country for the use of cowards and +traitors, and other inferior types of the race? + +The feeble light of my candle threw this picture into strong relief +against the surrounding gloom, and it was harder than ever to give him +up, but this must be done; and I wanted to extract from that bitter cup +one drop of sweetness for his mother; so I said to him: + +"Now, George, do you think you can sleep?" He said he could, and I +added: + +"Will you pray before you sleep?" He said he would. + +"Do you always pray before going to sleep?" He nodded, and I continued: + +"Let us pray together, to-night, just the little prayer your mother +taught you first." + +He clasped his hands, and together we repeated "Now I lay me down to +sleep," to the end; when I said: + +"Do you mean that, George? Do you mean to ask God to keep your soul, for +Christ's sake, while you are here; and, for His sake, to take it to +Himself when you go hence, whenever that may be?" + +The tears were running over his cheeks, and he said, solemnly: + +"I do." + +"Then it is all well with you, and you can rest in Him who giveth his +beloved sleep." + +There was no time for long prayers, and I must go to another sufferer. + +A kind, strong man, from the Michigan Aid Society, came and worked two +days among my men, and said: + +"If I only had them in a tent, on the ground; but this floor is +dreadful!" + +Up stairs were some wounds I must dress, while a corpse lay close beside +one of the men, so that I must kneel touching it, while I worked. It lay +twelve hours before I could get it taken to its shallow, coffinless +grave; and while I knelt there, the man whose wound I was dressing, +said: + +"Never mind; we'll make you up a good purse for this!" + +He had no sooner spoken than a murmur of contemptuous disapproval came +from the other men, and one said: + +"A purse for her! She's got more money than all of us, I bet!" + +Another called out: "No, we won't! Won't do anything of the kind! +We're your boys; ain't we, mother? You're not working for money!" + +"Why," persisted the generous man, "we made up a purse of eighty dollars +for a woman t' other time I was hurt, and she hadn't done half as much +for us!" + +"Eighty dollars!" called out the man who thought me rich; "eighty +dollars for her! why I tell you she could give every one of us eighty +dollars, and would not miss it!" + +Another said: + +"She isn't one of the sort that are 'round after purses!" + +Why any of them should have thought me rich I cannot imagine except for +the respect with which officers treated me. To veil the iron hand I held +over my nurses, I made a jest of my authority, pinned a bit of bandage +on my shoulder, and played commander-in-chief. Officers and guards would +salute when we passed, as an innocent joke, but the men came to regard +me as a person of rank. + +Citizens of Fredericksburg, who at first insulted me on the street, as +they did other Yankee nurses, heard that I was a person of great +influence, and began to solicit my good offices on behalf of friends +arrested by order of Secretary Stanton, and held as hostages, for our +sixty wounded who were made prisoners while trying to pass through the +city, before we took possession. + +So I was decked in plumes of fictitious greatness, and might have played +princess in disguise if I had had time; but I had only two deaths in the +old theater--this man up stairs, and the man without clothes, who lay +alone in that back room, and after the amputation of his thigh, had no +covering until government gave him one of Virginia clay. + + + +CHAPTER LXXII. + + +MORE VICTIMS AND A CHANGE OF BASE. + +One day at noon, the air thrilled with martial music and the earth shook +under the tramp of men as seven thousand splendid troops marched up +Princess Ann street on their way to reinforce our army, whose rear was +about eight miles from us. They were in superb order, and the forts +around Washington had been stripped of their garrisons, and most of +their guns, to furnish them; but the generalship which cut our army off +from its base of supplies, and blundered into the battle of the +Wilderness, like a blind horse into a briar patch, without shelling or +burning the dry chapperal in which our dead and wounded were consumed +together, after the battle, had made no arrangements for the safe +arrival of its reinforcements. So they were ambushed soon after passing +through Fredericksburg; and that night, before ten o'clock, all the +places I had succeeded in making vacant were filled with the wounded +from this reinforcement. How many of them were brought to Fredericksburg +I do not know; but it must have been a good many, when some were sent to +my den of horrors. + +One evening, after dark, I went to the dispensary, and found a surgeon +just in from the front for supplies. While they were being put up, he +told us of the horrible carnage at Spottsylvania that day, when the +troops had been hurled, again and again, against impregnable +fortifications, under a rain of rifle balls, which cut down a solid +white oak tree, eighteen inches in diameter. + +The battle had ceased for the night, and it was not known whether it +would be renewed in the morning. + +"But if it is," said the speaker, "it will be the bloodiest day of the +war, and we must be whipped, routed. The Rebels are behind breastworks +which cannot be carried. Any man but Grant would have known that this +morning, but he is to fight it out on this line, and it is generally +thought he will try it again in the morning. If he does, it will be a +worse rout than Bull Run." + +No one was present but the surgeon in charge of the church, the +dispensary clerk, and myself; so he was no alarmist, for when he had +done speaking, he took his package, mounted his horse and left. People +had said, through the day, that the roar of guns was heard in the higher +portions of the city, but no news of the battle seemed to have reached +it during all the next day. + +I spent it in preparing for the worst, warned Georgie and tightened the +reins on my nurses. I had had no reason to complain of any, and felt +that I should hold them to duty, even through a rout. It also seemed +well to know where our wounded were located, in that part of the city, +so that if an attempt were made to remove them, in a hurry, there might +not be any overlooked. + +At half-past eleven that night I had heard nothing from the front, and +went to sleep, with heavy forebodings. At two o'clock I was aroused by +the sounds of a moving multitude, rose and looked out to see, under the +starlight, a black stream pouring down the side street, on the corner of +which our quarters were situated, and turning down Princess Ann, toward +the river landing. To me, it was the nation going to her doom, passing +through the little period of starlight, on into the darkness and the +unknown. + +In Louisville, I had learned to believe that the Eternal verities +demanded the destruction of our Government. True, the South had beaten +the North in her bloody struggle for the privilege of holding her slaves +while she flogged them; but I could see, in this, no reason why that +North should be chosen as Freedom's standard-bearer! Our ignoble +Emancipation Proclamation had furnished no rock of moral principle on +which to plant her feet while she struggled in that bloody surf. God was +blotting out our name from among the nations, that he might plant here a +government worthy of such a country. + +I calculated there was a rear guard that would hold the enemy back until +morning, and did not wake Georgie, who needed sleep; but I must be with +my men, who would be alarmed by the unusual sounds; must see that those +nurses did not run away. + +To get to my post, I must cross that stream, and as I stood waiting on +the bank, could see that it was not composed of men in martial array. It +met exactly all my previous conceptions of a disorderly flight. There +were men in and out of uniform, men rolled in blankets, men on +horseback and men on foot, cannon, caisons, baggage wagons, beef cattle, +ambulances and nondescripts, all mixed and mingled, filling the street +from wall to wall; no one speaking a word, and all intent on getting +forward as fast as possible. So thickly were they packed that I waited +in vain, as much as twenty minutes, for some opening through which I +might work my way to the other side, and at last called the vidette, who +came and helped me over. + +Reaching the theater, I found many of the men awake and listening; went +among them and whispered, as I did something for each, that there was +some movement on the street I did not understand, but should probably +know about in the morning. During the suspense of those dark hours, and +all the next day I was constantly reminded of the Bible metaphor of "a +nail fastened in a sure place." The absolute confidence which those men +reposed in me, the comfort and strength I could give them, were so out +of proportion to my strength that it was a study. I was a very small +nail, but so securely fastened in the source of all strength, that they +could hold by me and hope, even when there seemed nothing to hope for. +As for me, all the armies of the world, and the world itself might melt +or blow away, but I should be safe with God, and know that for every +creature He was working out some noble destiny. All the pain, and +sorrow, and defeat, were rough places--briars in an upward path to +something we should all rejoice to see. + +All day that dark stream surged around that corner, and I took heart +that the flight was not disorderly, since I heard of none coming by any +other street. All day the work went on as usual at the old theater, and +I made short excursions to other places. Up that street in one end of an +engine house, up a narrow, winding stair, I found a room full of men +deserted, and in most pitiable condition. They were all supposed to be +fever cases, but one young man had an ankle wound, in which inflammation +had appeared. I hurried to the surgeons, stationed in the far end of the +building, and reported the case. They sent immediately for the man, and +I knew in two hours that the amputation had been successful, and barely +in time. + +As I went on that errand, I met two Christian Commission men walking +leisurely, admiring the light of the rising sun on the old buildings, +and told them of the urgent demand for help, and chicken broth or beef +broth and water up in that room. They were polite, and promised to go as +soon as possible to the relief of that distress; but when I returned and +up to the last knowledge I had of the case, they had not been there. + +I secured a can of cooked turkey, the only one I ever saw, and a pitcher +of hot water, and with these made a substitute for chicken broth; gave +them all drinks of water, bathed their faces, found one of their absent +nurses, made him promise to stay, and went back to the main building to +have some one see that he kept his word. + +Here was a large floor almost covered with wounded, and among them a +woman stumbled about weeping, wailing, boo-hooing and wringing her +hands; I caught her wrist, and said: + +"What _is_ the matter?" "Oh! oh! oh! Boo-hoo! boo-hoo! the poor fellow +is goin' to die an' wants me to write to his mother." + +"Well, write to her and keep quiet! you need not kill all the rest of +them because he is going to die." + +"Oh! boo-hoo! some people has no feelin's; but I have got feelin's!" + +I led her to the surgeon in charge, who sent her and her "feelin's" to +her quarters, and told her not to come back. + +She was the only one of the Dix' nurses I saw in Fredericksburg, and her +large, flat, flabby face was almost hideous with its lack of eye-brows +and lashes; but this hideousness must have been her recommendation, as +she could not have been more than twenty years old. + +From the engine house I went to the Methodist church. Miss Hancock had +been detailed to the General Hospital, just being established, and I +found a house full of men in a sad condition. Nine o'clock, on a hot +morning, and no wounds dressed; bandages dry and hard, men thirsty and +feverish, nurses out watching that stream pouring through the city, and +patients helpless and despondent. + +I got a basin of water and a clean rag, never cared for sponges, and +went from one to another, dripping water in behind those bandages to +ease the torment of lint splints, brought drinks and talked to call +their attention from the indefinite dread which filled the air, and got +up considerable interest in--I do not remember what--but something which +set them to talking. + +Some wounds I dressed, and while engaged on one, a man called from the +other side of the house to know what the fun was all about, when the +man whose wound I was attending placed a hand on each of his sides, +screamed with laughter, and replied: + +"Oh, Jim! do get her to dress your wound, for I swear, she'd make a dead +man laugh!" + +I found some of the nurses; a surgeon came in who would, I thought, +attend to them, and I went back to my post to find every man on duty. + +It was near sundown when we heard that this backward movement was a +"change of base;" but to me it seemed more like looking for a base, as +there had been none to change. The stream thickened toward nightfall, +and continued until two o'clock next morning; so that our army was +twenty-four hours passing through Fredericksburg; and in that time I do +not think a man strayed off on to any other street! All poured down that +side street, turned that corner, and went on down Princess Ann. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIII. + + +PRAYERS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE. + +The next evening, after hearing of the battle of Spottsylvania, and +while waiting to know if it had been renewed, I sat after sundown on the +door-step of our quarters, when an orderly hurried up and inquired for +the Christian Commission. A lieutenant was dying, and wanted to see a +preacher. I directed the messenger, but doubted if he would find a +preacher, as I had seen nothing of any save a Catholic priest, with whom +I had formed an alliance; and I went to stay with the dying man, who was +alone. + +I found him nervous and tired, with nothing to hinder his return to his +regiment inside of a month. He had been converted, was a member of the +Methodist church, and seemed an humble Christian man. I told him he was +getting well, had seen too much company, and must go to sleep, which he +proceeded to do in a very short time after being assured that that +motion was in order. + +He had slept perhaps five minutes when the messenger returned, followed +by six preachers! I made a sign that he slept and should not be +disturbed, but they gathered around the bed with so much noise they +waked him. + +There seemed to be a struggle for precedence among his visitors, but one +gained the victory. They all wanted to shake hands with the man in the +bed, but his left arm was off, and I objected; whereupon the head +spokesman groaned a good solid groan, to which the others groaned a +response. He stood at the foot of the bed, spread his chest, and +inquired: + +"Well, brother, how is your soul in this solemn hour?" + +The answer was such as a good Christian might make; and I told the +gentleman that the lieutenant had been unnecessarily alarmed; that he +had seen too much company, was weary and excited, needed rest, and was +rapidly recovering; that he ought to go to sleep; but they all knelt +around the bed, and the first prayed a good, long, loud prayer; talked +about "the lake that burneth," and other pleasant things, while I held +the patient's hand, and felt his nerves jerk. + +I thought it would soon be over; but no sooner had this one finished +than the next fell to, and gave us a prayer with more of those sobs made +by hard inhalation than his predecessor, and a good deal more +brimstone. No sooner had he relieved his mind than a third threw back +his head to begin, and I spoke, quietly as possible; begged they would +let the lieutenant sleep; told them that down in the old theater was a +man in a back room, alone and dying. I had tried to get some one to sit +with him and pray with him, and hoped one or two of them would go to him +at once, as every moment might make it too late. A man was also dying in +the engine-house, who ought to have some Christian friend with him as he +crossed the dark valley. + +They listened impatiently; then the man whose turn it was to ventilate +his eloquence, pushed his sleeves up to the elbows, rubbed his hands as +if about to lift some heavy weight, and exclaimed: + +"Yes, sister! Yes. We'll attend to them; but, first, let us get through +with this case!" + +Then he went to work and ladled out groans, sobs and blue blazes. The +other three followed suit, and when they had all had a good time on +their knees, each one gave a short oration, and when they got through I +reminded them again of the two dying men; but like the undutiful son, +they said, "I go! and went not!" + +It was two of the six whom I met next morning, and asked to go to the +relief of those poor patients, who promised and went not. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIV. + + +GET OUT OF THE OLD THEATER. + +I do not know how long I was in charge of the old theater, but remember +talking to some one of having been there ten days, and things looking as +usual. It was after the change of base, that one afternoon I got eight +hopeful cases sent to the General Hospital, where they would have beds. +That night about ten o'clock the vidette halted a man, who explained +that he was surgeon in charge of that institution, and when he got leave +to go on, I caught him by the lapel of his coat, and said: + +"If you are Surgeon--what is the reason that the eight men I sent you +this afternoon had had no supper at nine o'clock?" + +He promised to attend to them before he slept, and on that we parted. +Soon after this, Dr. Childs, of Philadelphia, and a regular army +surgeon, came to the old theater, hung their coats and official dignity, +if they had any, on the wall--never said a word about the rubbish in the +hall, but fastened up their sleeves and went to work. When they came, I +felt as if I could not take another step, went to my room and lay down, +thinking of Raphael's useless angels leaning their baby arms on a cloud. +My angels wore beards, and had their sleeves turned up like farm +laborers, as they lifted men out of the depths of despair into the light +and warmth of human help and human sympathy. + +In sending the men away, they sent the amputation cases and George to +the church, and sent for me to go to them there. + +Georgie had gone to the General Hospital, and there was no surgeon in +charge at the church when I went to it. So, once more, I set about doing +that which was right in my own eyes. I could have a bale of hay, whipped +out my needle and thread, and for several bad cases who had two blankets +converted one into a bed tick, had it filled with hay, and a man placed +on it; but three were sadly in need of beds, and had no blankets; and to +them I alloted the balance of my precious bale, had it placed under them +loose, and rejoiced in their joy over so great a luxury. My theater men +had been laid in a row close to the wall, next to the late scene of +their suffering; and about midnight of the first night there, a nurse +asked me to go to a man who was dying. I found him in front of the +altar. The doors and front panels of the pews had been fastened V shape +to the floor, and he lay with one arm over this, and his head hanging +forward. He had been shot through the chest, was breathing loud and in +gasps, worn out for want of support, and to lay him down was to put out +his lamp of life instantly. What he needed was a high-backed chair, but +General Patrick's sense of duty to the citizens of Fredericksburg left +no hope of such a support. As the only substitute in my reach, I sat on +the edge of the pew door and its panel, drew his arm across my knee, +raised his head to my shoulder, and held it there by laying mine against +it. In this way I could talk in a low monotone to him, and the hopes to +which the soul turns when about to leave the tenement of clay. He gasped +acquiescence in these hopes, and his words led several men near to draw +their sleeves across their eyes; but they all knew he was dying, and a +little sympathy and sadness would not injure them. + +He reached toward the floor, and, the man next handed up a daguerreotype +case, which he tried to open. I took and opened it; found the picture of +a young, handsome woman, and held it and a candle, so that he could see +it. His tears fell on it, as he looked, and he gasped, + +"I shall never be where that has been." + +I said: + +"Is it your wife?" and he replied, + +"No! but she would have been." + +I always tried to avoid bringing sadness to the living on account of +death; but it must have been hard for men to sleep in sound of his +labored breathing; and to soften it I began singing "Shining Shore." He +took it up at once, in a whisper tone, keeping time, as if used to +singing. Soon one, then another and another joined, until all over the +church these prostrate men were singing that soft, sad melody. On the +altar burned a row of candles before a life-sized picture of the Virgin +and Child. The cocks crew the turn of the night outside, and when we had +sung the hymn through, some of the men began again, and we had sung it a +second time when I heard George call me. I knew that he, too, was dying, +and would probably not hear the next crowing of the cock. I must go to +him! how could I leave this head unsupported? Oh, death where is thy +sting? I think it was with me that night; but I went to George, and when +the sun arose it looked upon two corpses, the remains of two who had +gone from my arms in one night, full of hope in the great Hereafter. + + + +CHAPTER LXXV. + + +TAKE BOAT AND SEE A SOCIAL PARTY. + +Next morning a new surgeon took charge, and ordered that hay to be +removed. The men clung to their beds and sent for me; I plead a respite, +in hopes of getting muslin to make ticks; but was soon detected in the +act of taking a bowl of broth to one of my patients. This the surgeon +forbade on the ground that it was not regular meal time. I said the man +was asleep at meal time. This he would not permit, men must be fed at +regular hours, or not at all, and the new authority informed me that + +"More wounded soldiers had been killed by women stuffing them than by +anything else." + +He had just come from Massachusetts, and this was his first day among +the wounded. I set my bowl down before the altar, found a surgeon who +ranked him, and stated the case, when the higher authority said: + +"Give every man an ox, every day, if he will take it in beef tea." + +"But, Doctor, there is nothing in beef tea. I give broth." + +"Very good, give them whatever you please and whenever you please--we +can trust you." + +The new surgeon was promptly dismissed, and when next I saw him he was +on his way back to Massachusetts. + +That night a nurse came for me to go to the theater which had been +vacated, and once more almost filled with men who lay in total darkness, +without having any provision made for them. I got them lights, nurses +and food, but could not go back for another siege in that +building--could not leave my present post, but the city was being +evacuated. Both theater and church were emptied, and I went to the +tobacco warehouse, where Mrs. Ingersol was perplexed about a man with a +large bullet in his brain. When I had seen him and assured her that +another ounce of lead in a skull of that kind was of no consequence, she +redoubled her care, and I have no doubt he is living yet. But there was +one man in whom I felt a deep interest and for whom I saw little hope. +He had a chest wound, and had seemed to be doing well when there was a +hemorrhage, and he lay white and still almost as death. He must not +attempt to speak, and I was a godsend to him, for I knew what he needed +without being told, and gave him the best care I could. He was of a +Western State, and his name Dutton, and when I left him I thought he +must die in being moved, as he must be soon; but I must go with a +boat-load of wounded. + +This boat was a mere transport, and its precious freight was laid on the +decks as close as they could well be packed, the cabin floor being given +up to the wounded officers. There were several surgeons on board who may +have been attending to the men, but cannot remember seeing any but one +engaged in any work of that kind. There were also seven lady nurses, all +I think volunteers, all handsomely if not elegantly dressed. Of course +they could do nothing there, and I cannot see how they could have done +anything among the wounded in any place where there were no bedsteads +to protect the men from their hoops. They had probably been engaged in +preparing food, taking charge of, and distributing supplies and other +important work, for personal attendance on the men was but a part of the +work to be done. + +Surgeons could do little without soiling their uniforms, but my dress +had long been past soiling or spoiling; my old kid slippers without +heels, could be slid, with the feet in them, quite under a man, and as I +stepped sideways across them, they took care that my soft dress did not +catch on their buttons. When I sat on one heel to bathe a hot face, give +a drink or dress a wound, some man took hold of me with his well hand +and steadied me, while another held my basin. I had half of an old +knapsack to put under a wound, keep the floor dry and catch the worms +when I drove them out--and no twenty early birds ever captured so many +in the same length of time. I became so eager in the pursuit that I kept +it up by candle-light, until late midnight, when I started to go to my +stateroom. + +Entering the cabin, I came upon a social party, the like of which I +trust no one else will ever see. On the sofas sat those seven lady +nurses, each with the arm of an officer around her waist, in full view +of the wounded men on the floor, some of whom must go from that low bed, +to one still lower--even down under the daisies. + +I stopped, uttered some exclamation, then stood in speechless surprise. +Three surgeons released the ladies they were holding, came forward and +inquired if there was anything wanted. I might have replied that men and +women were wanted, but think I said nothing. When I reached my room I +found in the berth a woman who raised up and said: + +"The stewardess told me this was your room; will you let me stay with +you?" + +She was another Georgie--young, calm, strong, refined, was Miss Gray of +Columbia Hospital, and staid with me through a long hard trial, in which +she proved that her price was above rubies. + +Next morning I found on one of the guards, young Johnson, the son of an +old Wilkinsburg schoolmate. Hoped I had so checked the decay and final +destroyers which had already taken hold of him, that he might live. +Wrote to his people, and saw him at noon transferred with the other +patients, the surgeons and stylish lady nurses, to a large hospital +boat; when Miss Gray and I returned in the transport to Fredericksburg. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVI. + + +TAKE FINAL LEAVE OF FREDERICKSBURG. + +I cannot remember if our boat lay at the Fredericksburg wharf one day or +two; but she might start any moment, and those who went ashore took the +risk of being left, as this was the last boat. The evacuation was almost +complete, and we waited the result of expeditions to gather up our +wounded from field hospitals at the front. We were liable to attack at +any moment, and were protected by a gunboat which lay close along side. + +There was plenty to do on board, but in doing it I must see the piles of +stores on the wharf brought there too late to be of service to our +wounded, and now to be abandoned to the Rebels. There were certainly one +hundred bales of hay, which would have more than replaced all that was +withheld by United States bayonets from our own men in their extremity. +I soon learned after entering Fredericksburg, that our Commissaries were +issuing stores without stint to the citizens; went and saw them carry +off loads of everything there was to give; and when those one hundred +and eighty-two Union soldiers were literally starving in the old +Theater, Union soldiers were dealing out delicacies to Rebels, while +others guarded the meanest article of their property, and kept it from +our men, even when it was necessary to save life. + +I consulted several old Sanitary Commission men, who told me it was +always so when Grant was at the front; that he was then in absolute +command; that Patrick, the Provost Marshal, was his friend, and would be +sustained; and that we must be quiet or we would be ordered out of +Fredericksburg. + +Gen. Grant may have been loyal to the Union cause, but it has always +seemed to me that in fighting its battles, he was moved by the pure love +of fighting, and took that side which could furnish him the most means +to gratify his passion for war. His Generalship was certainly of a kind +that would soon have proved fatal to our cause in the war of the +Revolution, and only succeeded in the war of the Rebellion, because the +resources at his command were limitless, as compared with those of the +enemy. It was late in the afternoon when our boat shoved off, and as we +steamed away we saw the citizens rush down and take possession of the +stores left on the wharf. During the evening and night we were fired +into several times from the shores, but these attacks were returned from +the gun-boat, which kept our assailants at such distance that their +shots were harmless. We must have no lights that night, and the fires +were put out or concealed, that they might not make us a target. So I +slept, as there was nothing to be done, but in the morning was out early +in search of worms, and was having good success, when two richly, +fashionably dressed ladies came to tell me there was to be nothing to +eat, save for those who took board at the captain's table. They had gone +to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for a wounded officer, and were +ignominiously driven off by the cook. What was to be done? We might be +ten days getting to Washington. + +I went in search of a surgeon in charge, and found one in bed, sick; +waited at his door until he joined me, when together we saw the captain +of the boat. There were two new cook-stoves on board, but to put one up +would be to forfeit the insurance. There were plenty of commissary +stores. The surgeon went with me, ordered the commissary to give me +anything I wanted, and went back to bed. Our stores consisted of +crackers, coffee, dried-apples, essence of beef, and salt pork in +abundance, a little loaf bread, and about half a pound of citric acid. +Of these only the crackers and bread could be eaten without being +cooked. There were four hundred and fifty wounded men--all bad cases, +all exhausted from privation. How many of them would live to reach +Washington on a diet of crackers and water? I went to the cook, a large, +sensible colored woman, and stated the case as well as I could. After +hearing it she said: + +"I see how it is; but you see all these officers and ladies are agoin to +board with the captain, an' I'll have a sight o' cooking to do. I can't +have none of those fine ladies comin' a botherin' around me, carryin' +off my things or upsettin' 'em. But I'll tell you what I'll do; I'll +hurry up my work and clare off my things; then you can have the kitchen, +you an' that young lady that's with you; but them women, with their +hoops an' their flounces, must stay out o' here!" + +It was hard to see how two of them would get into that small domain, a +kitchen about ten feet square, half filled by a cook-stove, shelves, and +the steep, narrow, open stairs which led to the upper deck; but what a +kingdom that little kitchen was to me! All the utensils leaked, but cook +helped me draw rags through the holes in the three largest which I was +to have, and which covered the top of the stove. There were plenty of +new wooden buckets and tin dippers on board as freight, some contraband +women, and an active little man, who had once been a cook's assistant. +He and the women were glad to work for food. He was to help me in the +kitchen. They worked outside, and must not get in the way of the crew. +They washed dried apples and put them to soak in buckets, pounded +crackers in bags and put the crumbs into buckets, making each one a +third full and covering them with cold water. I put a large piece of +salt pork into my largest boiler, added water and beef essence enough to +almost fill the boiler, seasoned it, and as soon as it reached boiling +point had it ladled into the buckets with the cracker-crumbs, and sent +for distribution. The second boiler was kept busy cooking dried apples, +into which I put citric acid and sugar, for gangrene prevailed among the +wounds. In the third boiler I made coffee; I kept it a-soak, and as soon +as it boiled I put it strong into buckets, one-third full of cold water. +I kept vessels in the oven and on the small spaces on top of the stove. +My little man fired up like a fire-king, another man laid plenty of wood +at hand; and I think that was the only cook-stove that was ever "run" to +its full capacity for a week. By so running it, I could give every man a +pint of warm soup and one of warm coffee every twenty-four hours. To do +this, everything must "come to time." + +When one piece of pork was cooked, it was cut into small pieces and +distributed, and another put into the boiler. During our cooking times I +usually sat on the stairs, where I could direct and be out of the way; +and to improve the time, often had a plate and cup from which I ate and +drank. Cook always saved me something nice, and I made tea for myself. I +was running my body as I did the cook stove, making it do quadruple +duty, and did not spare the fuel in either case. Around each foot, below +the instep, I had a broad, firm bandage, one above each ankle and one +below each knee. If soldiers on the march had adopted this precaution, +they would have escaped the swollen limbs so often distressing. I also +had each knee covered by several layers of red flannel, to protect them +while I knelt on damp places. Soon after going into Campbell, I +discovered that muscles around the bone will do double service if held +firmly in place, and so was enabled in all my hospital work, to do what +seemed miraculous to the most experienced surgeons. + +I rested every moment I could, never stood when I might sit, made no +useless motions, spent no strength in sorrow, had no sentiment, was +simply the engineer of a machine--my own body; could fall asleep soon as +I lay down, and wake any moment with my senses all alert, outlived my +prejudice about china cups, and drank tea from brown earthen mugs used +for soup, and never washed save in cold water; often ate from a tin +plate with my left hand, while my right held a stump to prevent that +jerking of the nerves which is so agonizing to the patient, many a time +eating from the same tin plate with my patient, and making merry over +it; and think I must have outstanding engagements to dance cotillions +with one hundred one-legged men. + +One day while I sat eating and watching, that just enough cans of beef +were put into each boiler of broth, and no time wasted by letting it +stand after reaching boiling point, a surgeon asked to see me at the +kitchen door. He informed me that up on the forecastle, some men had had +soup twice while those in some other place had had none. He evidently +wished to be lenient, but felt that I had been guilty of great neglect. +I heard his grievance, and said: + +"Doctor, how many of you surgeons are on this boat?" + +After some consideration he answered: + +"Four!" + +"Four surgeons!" I repeated, "beside the surgeon in charge, who is sick! +We have four hundred and fifty wounded men! I draw all the rations, +find a way to cook them, have them cooked and put into the buckets, +ready for distribution. Do you not think that you four could organize a +force to see that they are honestly distributed--or do you expect me to +be in the kitchen, up in the forecastle, and at the stern on the boiler +deck, at one and the same time? Doctor, could you not take turns in +amusing those ladies? Could they not spare two of you for duty?" + +I heard no more complaints, but left Miss Grey more in charge of the +kitchen, and did enough medical inspecting to know that I had been +unjust. Some of the surgeons had been on duty, and the men were not so +much neglected as I had feared. As for the Ladies, I do not know how +many there were of them, but they were of good social position--quite as +good as the average of those whose main object in life is to look as +much better than their neighbors as circumstances will admit. There was +on board one of those folks for whose existence Christianity is +responsible, and which sensible Hindoos reduce to their original +elements, viz.: a widow who gets a living by being pious, and is +respectable through sheer force of cheap finery; one who estimates +herself by her surroundings, and whose every word and look and motion is +an apology for her existence. She was a Dix, or paid nurse. The ladies +snubbed her; we had no room for her hoops; and she spent her time in odd +corners, taking care of them and her hair, and turning up her eyes, like +a duck in a thunder-storm, under the impression that it looked +devotional. If I had killed all the folks I have felt like killing, she +would have gone from that boat to her final rest. + +One night about eleven o'clock a strange surgeon, who had just come +aboard with twenty wounded, came to the kitchen door, and handed in a +requisition for tea and custard and chicken for his men. The man told +him he could have nothing but cracker-broth or coffee. He was very +indignant, and proceeded to get up a scene; but the man said, firmly: + +"Can't help it, Surgeon! That's the orders!" + +"Orders! Whose orders?" + +I got down from my porch on the stairs, came forward and said: + +"It is my orders, sir, and I am sorry, but this is really all we can do +for you. If your men have tin cups, each one can have a cup of warm +soup--it will not be very hot--or a cup of warm coffee. Those who get +soup will get no coffee, and those who get coffee can have no soup. You +can get tin cups from the commissary, and should have them ready, so +that the food will not cool." + +While I made this statement he stood regarding me with ineffable +disdain, and when I was through inquired: + +"Who are you?" + +"I am the cook!" + +"The cook!" he repeated, contemptuously. "I will report your insolence +when we reach Washington!" + +"That may be your duty; but I will send up the coffee and soup, and do +you get the tin cups." + +He stamped off in dudgeon, and others who heard him were highly +indignant; but I was greatly pleased to find a surgeon who would get +angry and raise a disturbance on behalf of his patients. I never knew +his name, but if this should meet his eye I trust he will accept my +thanks for his faithfulness to his charge. + +On the lower deck, behind the boilers, lay twenty wounded prisoners, who +at first looked sulky; but as I was stepping over and among them, one +caught my dress, looked up pleadingly, and said: + +"Mother, can't you get me some soft bread? I can't eat this hard-tack." + +He was young, scarce more than a boy; had large, dark eyes, a good +head--tokens of gentle nurture--and alas! a thigh stump. He told me he +was of a Mississippi regiment, and his name Willie Gibbs. I bathed his +hot face, and said I would see about the bread; then went to another +part of the deck, where our men were very closely packed, and stated the +case to them. There was very little soft bread--it was theirs by right; +what should I do? I think they all spoke at once, and all said the same +words: + +"Oh, mother! give the Johnnies the soft bread! we can eat hard-tack!" + +I think I was impartial, but there was a temptation to give Willie Gibbs +a little more than his share of attention. His face was so sad, and +there was so little hope that he would ever again see those who loved +him, that I think I did more for him than for any other one on board. +His companions came to call me "mother," and I hope felt their captivity +softened by my care; and often rebel hands supported me while I crouched +at work. + +When we approached Washington, I proposed rewarding the cook for the +incalculable service she had rendered, but she replied: + +"No, ma'am, I will not take anything from you 'cept that apron! When we +get to Washington, you will not want it any more, an' I'll keep it all +my life to remember you, and leave it to my children! Lord! there isn't +another lady in the world could 'a done what you've done; an' I know +you're a lady! Them women with the fine clothes is trying to pass for +ladies, but, Lord! I know no lady 'u'd dress up that way in a place like +this, an' men know it, too--just look at you, an' how you do make them +fellers in shoulderstraps stand 'round!" + +Her observation showed her Southern culture, for whatever supremacy the +North may have over the South, Southern ladies are far in advance of +those of the North in the art of dress. A Southern lady seldom commits +an incongruity, or fails to dress according to age, weather, and the +occasion. I do not think any one of any social standing would have gone +among wounded men, with the idea of rendering any assistance, tricked +out in finery, as hundreds, if not thousands, of respectable Northern +women did. + +The apron which I gave to my friend the cook, was brown gingham, had +seen hard service, and cost, originally, ten cents, and half an hour's +hand-sewing; but if it aids her to remember me as pleasantly as I do +her, it is part of a bond of genuine friendship. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVII. + + +TRY TO GET UP A SOCIETY AND GET SICK. + +After two days in bed at home, I was so much better, that when Mrs. +Ingersol came with a plan for organizing a society to furnish the army +with female nurses, I went to see Mrs. Lincoln about it. She was willing +to cooperate, and I went to Secretary Stanton, who heard me, and +replied: + +"You must know that Mrs. Barlow and Mrs. Ingersol and you are not fair +representatives of your sex," and went on to explain the embarrassment +of the Surgeon-General from the thousands of women pressing their +services upon the Government, and the various political influences +brought to bear on behalf of applicants, and of the well grounded +opposition of surgeons to the presence of women in hospitals, on account +of their general unfitness. Gen. Scott, as a personal friend of Miss +Dix, had appointed her to the place she held, and it was so convenient +and respectful to refer people to her, that the War Department would not +interfere with the arrangement. In other words, she was a break-water +against which feminine sympathies could dash and splash without +submerging the hospital service. + +After what I had seen among the women who had succeeded in getting in, I +had not much to say. A society might prescribe a dress, but might be no +more successful than Miss Dix in making selections of those who should +wear it. + +I asked the Secretary how it came that no better provision had been +made for our wounded after the battle of the Wilderness, and tears +sprang to his eyes as he replied: + +"We did not know where they were. We had made every arrangement at the +points designated by Gen. Grant, but he changed his plans and did not +notify us. The whole army was cut off from its base of supplies and must +be sustained. As soon as we knew the emergency, we did everything in our +power; but all our preparations were lost. Everything had to be done +over again. You cannot regret the suffering more than I, but it was +impossible for me to prevent it." + +I never saw him so earnest, so sorrowful, so deeply moved. + +That effort seemed to be the straw which broke the camel's back, and I +was so ill as to demand medical attendance. For this I sent to Campbell. +Dr. Kelly came, but his forte was surgery, and my case was left with Dr. +True, who had had longer practice in medicine. They both decided that I +had been inoculated with gangrene while dressing wounds, and for some +weeks I continued to sink. I began to think my illness fatal, and asked +the doctor, who said: + +"I have been thinking I ought to tell you that if you have any unsettled +business you should attend to it." + +I had a feeling of being generally distributed over the bed, of being a +mass of pulp without any central force, but I had had a letter that day +from my daughter, who was with her father and grandmother in Swissvale, +and wanted to come to me, and the thought came: "Does God mean to make +my child an orphan, that others may receive their children by my +death?" Then I had a strange sensation of a muster, a gathering of +scattered life-force, and when it all came together it made a protest; I +signed to the doctor, who put his ear to my lips, and I said: + +"Doctor True, I shall live to be an hundred and twenty years old!" + +He took up the lamp, threw the light on my face, and peered anxiously +into it, and I looked straight into his eyes, and said: + +"I will!" + +He laughed and set down the lamp, saying: + +"Then you must get over this!" + +"You must get me over it. Bring Dr. Kelly!" + +Next morning, I had them carry me into a larger room, where the morning +sun shone on me, and ten days after, started for Pennsylvania, where I +spent three weeks with my old Swissvale neighbors, Col. Hawkins and Wm. +S. Haven. + +When I returned to Washington, I found an official document, a +recommendation from the Quarter-Master General, of my dismissal for +absence without leave. It was addressed to Secretary Stanton, who had +written on the outside: + +"Respectfully referred to Mrs. Swisshelm, by Edwin M. Stanton." + +I went back to work, and learned that Mrs. Gen. Barlow had died of +typhoid fever, in Washington. No man died more directly for the +Government. Thousands who fell on the battle-field, exhibited less +courage and devotion to that service, and did less to secure its +success. I know not where her body lies, but wherever it does, no +decoration-day should pass in which her memory is not crowned with +immortelles. + +She died at a time when my life was despaired of, and when Mrs. Ingersol +wrote to a Maine paper of my illness, adding: + +"I hope the Lord will not take her away, until He has made another like +her." + +She told me afterwards that just then she held the world at a grudge; +but it must have been relieved of my presence long ere this, if I had +not found in homoepathy relief from pain, which for eight months made +life a burden, and for which the best old-school physicians proposed no +cure. + + + +CHAPTER LXXVIII. + + +AN EFFICIENT NURSE. + +To show the capabilities of some of the women who thought they had a +mission for saving the country by acting as hospital nurses, I give the +history of one. + +While I lay ill, a friend came and told of a most excellent woman who +had come from afar, and tendered her services to the Government, who had +exerted much influence and spent much effort to get into a hospital as +nurse, but had failed. + +Hearing of my illness, her desire to be useful led her to tender her +services, so that if she could not nurse wounded soldiers she could +nurse one who had. The generous offer was accepted, and I was left an +afternoon in her care. + +I wanted a cup of tea. She went to the kitchen to make it, and one hour +after came up with a cup of tea, only this and nothing more, save a +saucer. To taste the tea. I must have a spoon, and to get one she must +go along a hall, down a long flight of stairs, through another hall and +the kitchen, to the pantry. When she had made the trip the tea was so +much too strong that a spoonful would have made a cup. She went down +again for hot water, and after she had got to the kitchen remembered +that she had thrown it out, thinking it would not be wanted. The fire +had gone out, and she came up to inquire if she should make a new one, +and if so, where she should find kindling? She had spent almost two +hours running to and fro, was all in perspiration and a fluster, had +done me a great deal of harm and nobody any good, had wasted all the +kindlings for the evening fire, enough tea to have served a large family +for a meal, and fairly illustrated a large part of the hospital service +rendered by women oppressed with the nursing mission. + +My sense of relief was inexpressible when Mrs. George B. Lincoln +returned from her visit to the White House, sent my tea-maker away and +took charge of me once more. + + + +CHAPTER LXXIX. + + +TWO FREDERICKSBURG PATIENTS. + +Some months after leaving Fredericksburg, I was walking on Pennsylvania +avenue, when the setting sun shone in my face, and a man in uniform +stopped me, saying: + +"Excuse me! you do not know me, but I know you!" + +I turned, looked at him carefully, and said: + +"I do not know you!" + +"Oh, no! but the last time you saw me, you cut off my beard with your +scissors and fed me with a teaspoon. When you left me you did not think +you would ever see me again." + +"Oh!" I exclaimed joyfully, "you are Dutton." + +He laughed, and replied, "That's me. I have just got a furlough and am +going home." + +He was very pale and thin, but I was so glad to see him and shake hands, +and wish him safely home with his friends. + +During the great review after the war, I had a seat near the President's +stand. There was a jam, and a man behind me called my attention to a +captain, at a short distance, who had something to say to me, and passed +along the words: + +"You took care of me on the boat coming from Fredericksburg." + +Looking across, I could see him quite well, but even when his hat was +off could not recognize him; and this is all I have ever heard from or +of the men with whose lives mine was so knit during that terrible time. + +I fear that not many survived, and doubt if a dozen of them ever knew me +by any other name than that of "Mother." + + + +CHAPTER LXXX. + + +AM ENLIGHTENED. + +When Early appeared before Washington, we all knew there was nothing to +prevent his coming in and taking possession. The forts were stripped. +There were no soldiers either in or around the city. The original +inhabitants were ready to welcome him with open arms. The departments +were closed, that the clerks might go out in military array, to oppose; +but of course few soldiers were sitting at desks at that stage of the +war. The news at the Quartermaster's office one morning was that the +foreign ministers had been notified, and that the city would be shelled +that afternoon. We lived on the north side of the city; and when I went +home, thousands of people were on the streets, listening to the sound of +guns at Fort Reno. + +So far as I knew, there was a universal expectation that the city would +be occupied by rebel troops that night. As this was in harmony with the +general tenor of my anticipations for a quarter of a century, I readily +shared in the popular opinion, and for once was with the majority. + +Among the groups who stood in the streets were many contrabands, and +their faces were pitiful to see. One scantily-clad woman, holding a +ragged infant, and with two frightened, ragged children clinging to her +skirts, stood literally quaking. Her black face had turned gray with +terror, and she came to me and asked: + +"Oh! Missus! does ye tink dey will get in?" + +Suddenly my eyes were opened, like those of the prophet's servant when +he saw the horses and chariots of fire, and I replied: + +"No! never! They will come no nearer than they now are! You can go home +and rest in peace, for you are just as safe from them as if you were in +heaven!" + +She was greatly comforted; but a gentleman said, as she moved away: + +"I wish I could share your opinion; but what is to hinder their coming +in?" + +"God is to hinder! He has appointed us to rescue these people. They are +collected here in thousands, and the prayers of centuries are to be +answered now!" + +I myself went home feeling all the confidence I spoke, and wondering I +could have been so stupid as to doubt. Our Government and people were +very imperfect, but had developed a sublime patriotism--made an almost +miraculous growth in good. Ten righteous men would have saved Sodom. We +had ten thousand; and I must think there are few histories of +supernatural interference in the affairs of the Jews more difficult to +account for, on merely natural grounds, than the preservation of +Washington in that crisis. + + + +CONCLUSION. + + +December 6th, 1865, the fiftieth anniversary of my birth, found me in +Washington, at work in the Quarter-Master's office, on a salary of sixty +dollars a month, without any provision for support in old age; and so +great a sufferer as never to have a night of rest unbroken by severe +pain, but with my interest in a country rescued from the odium of +Southern slavery, and a faint light breaking of the day which is yet to +abolish that of the West. + +In the summer of '66, Dr. King, of Pittsburg, came to know what I would +take for my interest in ten acres of the Swissvale estate, which he had +purchased. My deed had presented a barrier to the sale of a portion of +it, and he was in trouble: + +I consulted Secretary Stanton, who said: + +"Your title to that property is good against the world!" + +It had become valuable and the idea of its ownership was alarming! I had +made up my mind to poverty, had been discharged from the +Quarter-Master's office by special order of President Johnson, "for +speaking disrespectfully of the President of the United +States!"--_Washington Star_--was the first person dismissed by Mr. +Johnson; was without visible means of support, could not suddenly adjust +my thought to anything so foreign to all my plans as coming into +possession of a valuable estate, and said: + +"Oh, Secretary Stanton, how shall I ever undertake such a stewardship at +my time of life?" He looked sternly at me, and replied: + +"Mrs. Swisshelm, don't be a fool! take care of yourself! It is time you +would begin. The property is yours now. You are morally responsible for +it, and can surely make some better use of it than giving it away to +rich men around Pittsburg. Go at once and attend to your interests." + +This was our last interview. I instituted the suit he advised, and he +would have plead my cause before the Supreme Court, but when it came up +he was holding possession of the War Department to defeat President +Johnson's policy of making the South triumphant. However, the decree of +the court was in my favor, and through it I have been able to rescue the +old log block house from the tooth of decay, and to sit in it and recall +those passages of life with which it is so intimately connected. + + +THE END. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Half a Century, by Jane Grey Cannon Swisshelm + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A CENTURY *** + +***** This file should be named 12052.txt or 12052.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/2/0/5/12052/ + +Produced by Shawn Cruze and PG Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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