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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:36:28 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:36:28 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/11279-0.txt b/11279-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..be96c92 --- /dev/null +++ b/11279-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2795 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11279 *** + +[Illustration: I consented to deliver a message for him] + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + +_By_ GEORGE ADE + + +1907 + + * * * * * + +"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in _The Saturday Evening Post_ of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company. + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + + I WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + II KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + III THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + IV THE GARDEN PARTY + + V HE ARRIVES + + VI HE DEPARTS + + VII THE ONLY KOLDO + +VIII BY MESSENGER + + IX AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + X ON THE WING + + XI AN OUTING--A REUNION + + XII THE GOVERNOR CABLES + +XIII THE HOME-COMING + + XIV HEROISM REWARDED + + * * * * * + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + + + +I + +WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + +Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European. + +The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man. + +The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman. + +In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it. + +Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf. + +She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinée. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafés. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex! + +Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago. + +Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible. + + + + +II + +KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + +If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. + +The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor. + +The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes. + +It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere. + +Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin. + +Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form. + +No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her. + +In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character. + +Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem. + +Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat. + +Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." + +In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult. + +Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian." + +It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. + + + + +III + +THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + +If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away. + +In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way. + +As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention. + +In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness. + +Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions. + +It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds. + +[Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] + +[Blank Page] + +These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage. + +Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." + +The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection. + +Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face. + +Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ slender." + +Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." + +And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle. + + + + +IV + +THE GARDEN PARTY + + +Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married." + +He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings." + +This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. + +It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage. + +"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty--the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one +would be sufficient--one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" + +He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying. + +He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship. + +Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. + +The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams. + +On the morning of the day set apart for the début of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions. + +"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began. + +"Slender," she corrected. + +"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane--a mere shadow of a girl--and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare." + +"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball." + +"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint--Allah preserve me from such women!" + +"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?" + +"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency." + +"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and--who knows?--perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me--buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter. + +"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon." + +Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him. + +To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines. + +First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British. + +While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions. + +Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music. + +Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye. + +Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor. + +"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?" + +"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy _you_!" + +"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?" + +"I tolerate him." + +"Does he ever scold you for being thin?" + +"Does he _what_?" + +"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and--and--pulpy?" + +"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and--pulpy." + +"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?" + +"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant." + +"Bant?" + +"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable." + +Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman. + +"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat--I +am slim--quite slim." + +And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows: + +At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp. + +They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking. + +Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister. + +"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely. + +To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora--a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes. + +They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest. + +Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse. + +"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then--" + +Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets. + +"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger. + +"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them." + +"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us." + +Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried _her_ to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife. + +Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter. + +If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud. + +She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors. + +"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I _am_ thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds." + +She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her. + +"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!" + +"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! _Look_!" + +With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure. + +What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified--first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing. + + + + +V + +HE ARRIVES + + +Kalora was alone. + +After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land. + +The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter. + +"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident." + +"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me." + +"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you." + +"Not in Morovenia." + +"Why remain in Morovenia?" + +"We are not permitted to travel." + +"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?" + +"Oh, to travel--to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or--" she paused and gave a little gasp--"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should--should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and--" + +"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny." + +"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife. + +"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed--a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty--the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat." + +"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me." + +"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride. + +Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her. + +"How do you do?" came a voice. + +She was startled and looked about, but saw no one. + +"Up here!" came the voice again. + +She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed. + +[Illustration: "Up here!" came the voice again] + +He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen. + +"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly. + +"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them." + +"Were you invited?" + +"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out--seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding." + +"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?" + +"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?" + +"I'm afraid not." + +"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?" + +"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely. + +"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +_could_ say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you." + +Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her. + +"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially--ah--Christians." + +"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on _The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer_, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow." + +Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger. + +"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked. + +"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?" + +"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be." + +"And father?" + +"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia." + +"Wow! And you?" + +"I am his daughter." + +"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?" + +"I am called Princess." + +"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin." + +"I don't know what you mean," she said. + +"A corker." + +"Corker?" + +"I mean that you're a good-looker--that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut." + +[Illustration: "Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?"] + +Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex. + +She reasoned thus with herself: + +"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?" + +Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania. + +"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked. + +"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open." + +"You have seen many women in many countries?" + +"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it." + +"Then you know what constitutes beauty?" + +"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel--you +know, stood _bent_ all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!" + +"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?" + +"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender--" + +"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him. + +"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and--Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean." + +He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic. + +"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked. + +"These are about the limit." + +"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?" + +"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf--why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?" + +"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat." + +"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?" + +"Duck?" + +"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean--away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night--_Bill Bailey_! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral." + +Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights. + +"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away--to the west." + +"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred." + +"I should like to go, but--Look! Hurry, please! You must go!" + +She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. + +"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them. + +"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! _Run_! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison--perhaps worse." + +"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some." + +When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph. + + + + +VI + +HE DEPARTS + + +And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data. + +When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team. + +While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest. + +Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw. + +While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly. + +He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two. + +The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing. + +Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall. + +Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick? + +Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest. + +Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity. + +Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax. + +He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength. + +"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General. + +"By jumping over the wall." + +"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General. + +"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet." + +"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!" + +Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent. + +This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence. + +A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life. + +No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him. + +Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls. + +Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message. + + + + +VII + +THE ONLY KOLDO + + +Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote. + +He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth. + +He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly. + +Of one thing he was certain--it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,--these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case--he whistled +softly. + +Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager. + +One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective. + +If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference. + +The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding. + +"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo. + +"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry." + +"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova--this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family." + +Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance. + +"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial. + +The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city." + +"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow. + +The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican. + +"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large--black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything--long mustache, also black--wears much +jewelry--speaks with a marked German accent--wears a suit of Scotch +plaid--heavy military boots." + +Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair. + +"How--ah--where did you get this description?" he asked gently. + +"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range." + +"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager. + +"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone. + +"An excellent plan," assented the manager. + +"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"--to the head of the +secret service. + +"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data--already I am planning my campaign." + +"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles." + +"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily. + +"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner." + +The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way. + +The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment. + +"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight." + +He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed. + +"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat--ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?" + +The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed. + +Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators. + +"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace." + +"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation. + +"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy." + +"The what?" + +"The squidge--that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?" + +"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric. + +"Into the bar--down at the little iron table--business of hoisting +beverage." + +"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol." + +"I'm not _supposed_ to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes." + +There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York. + +"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails--that is, if you like the taste +of _eau de quinine_. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes." + +The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head. + +"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself." + +Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam. + +"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages." + +Popova sipped conservatively. + +"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order." + +The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling. + +It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe. + + + + +VIII + +BY MESSENGER + + +On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision. + +Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives. + +During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police. + +Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return--that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again. + +In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed--not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day. + +While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something. + +"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the--the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply--deeply," +he began. + +"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister." + +She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice. + +"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you--" + +"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me--the stranger--you know, the one in +the garden--has he been taken?" inquired the Princess. + +"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue--not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I--I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics--I--he--never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him." + +Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova. + +"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly. + +"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter." + +He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it. + +"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual--" + +But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows: + + MY DEAR PRINCESS: + + I hope that's the way to begin. Something tells me that you would not + stand for "Your Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" trimmings. + + Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just had a talk with the + eminent plain-clothes man who is looking for the burglar that broke into + the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. He read to me the + description. Say, if I tried to write at this minute all of my present + emotions concerning you, I would burn holes in the paper. When it comes + to turning out fiction, Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, + when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel this evening, I figured it a + toss-up whether I should ever see home and mother again. + + I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am for you and I want to see you + again and tell you right to your face what I think of you. If you will + sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I + will come over the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. I know + that this method of becoming acquainted with young women is not indorsed + by the _Ladies_' _Home Journal_ or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly as I + can find out, there is no other way in which I can get into society over + here. + + So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, don't give them a + thought. I have met, the great Koldo, and he won't know until about next + Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The professor has promised to bring a + reply to the hotel. He is not on. + + Sincerely, + YOUR GERMAN FRIEND. + + +She read it all and found herself gasping--surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment. + +"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present. + +"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant. + +"I tell you he is a fool--a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make. + +"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents--" + +"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter. + +The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of--of seeing her again! + +"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova. + +"Oh, I _must_--I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?" + +"Possibly." + +"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour--deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else." + +Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort! + +Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand. + +Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare. + +This is what Mr. Pike read: + + My very good friend: + + I have protected you, not because you deserve protection, but because I + like you very much. You must not come to the palace grounds again. They + are now under double guard and, if I attempted to meet you, no doubt a + whole company of our big soldiers would surround you and surely you + could not overcome so many powerful men. I am thinking only of your + safety. I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your danger is greater + than you can imagine. What more can I say, except that I shall always + remember you? Sincerely, + + K. + +Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter. + +"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit. + +"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly." + +That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier. + +Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall. + +She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned--and yet, if he _did_ come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time. + +She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed. + +Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia. + + + + +IX + +AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + +About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue. + +Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character. + +By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility. + +Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General. + +While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova. + +"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description." + +"Have you questioned Kalora again?" + +"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search." + +The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine. + +"It is in English; I read it badly." + +He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows: + + What is the great danger that threatens the American woman? It is + _obesity_. It is well known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women + in the United States are striving to reduce their weight. For all such + we have a message of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and she---- + +"The remainder is torn away," said Popova. + +The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked. + +"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud: + + To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan: + + When I began using your wonderful health-food I was a mere skeleton. I + have been living on it for three months and I have gained a pound a day. + Permit me to express the conviction that you are real benefactors to the + human race. Gratefully yours, + + OSCAR TILBURY, + Oakdale, Arkansas. + +"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?" + +"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary." + +"What country is this?" + +"America, the land of milk and honey." + +"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see--one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five--oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +_must_ be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning." + +Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity. + +"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her." + +"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy. + +"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?" + +"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up." + +"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations--and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition." + +When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room. + +Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine. + + + + +X + +ON THE WING + + +The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules. + +Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books. + +The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards. + +At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova--pshaw! + +She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view. + +"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter. + +"I shall not." + +Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey. + +Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman. + +Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna. + +Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled. + +Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets." + +At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier. + +The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer. + +Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day. + +She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species. + +When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World. + +From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy. + +She lingered in New York--more shopping. + +By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly. + + + + +XI + +AN OUTING--A REUNION + + +The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved. + +The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel. + +Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her. + +And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupé, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week. + +Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument. + +When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent. + +"You have been in America a long time?" she asked. + +"About three years." + +"You have met many people--that is, the important people?" + +"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be." + +"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name." + +"I'm afraid I haven't met him." + +"He is rather good-looking and has--well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red." + +"There are millions of red-haired young men in America." + +"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa--Pennsylvania, that's it." + +"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia." + +"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions." + +"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest." + +"He owns some sort of mills or factories--where they make steel." + +"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them." + +This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary. + +"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said. + +"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?" + +"At a garden party in Morovenia." + +"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington." + +"You are not displeased to find me here?" + +"Charmed--delighted." + +"And you will take me to the country club?" + +"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure." + +"I shall drop a note. Good-by." + +He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupé +and was driven away. + +That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked: + +"What shall I do?" + +"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?" + +"I do not." + +"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?" + +"Nothing of the sort." + +"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?" + +"Decidedly not." + +"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family." + +So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy. + +Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses! + +Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car. + +The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister--nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood. + +About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports--and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora? + +The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before. + +This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode. + +A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats. + +At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely. + +She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man--a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn. + +With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed: + +"Well, I'll be--" + +He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them. + +He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse. + + + + +XII + +THE GOVERNOR CABLES + + +"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?" + +And he was still holding her hand. + +"Yes--it is." + +"The Princess--ah--?" + +"Kalora." + +"_That's_ it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. _Kalora_--_Kalora_--I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?" + +"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come." + +"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?" + +"I forget--three months--four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?" + +"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?" + +"I will confess--the whole truth--since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but--your name--_please_ tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry." + +"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat." + +"Why, of course, _Pike, Pike_--it is the name of a fish." + +"Thank you." + +The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel. + +His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking. + +Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her. + +They sat and talked for an hour--sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia. + +"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day." + +"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom--so many liberties." + +"And what we don't give them, they take--which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me." + +"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!" + +"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life." + +"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he--" + +She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes. + +"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree--well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well--don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you--I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest." + +"I'm glad--you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes. + +"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me." + +He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere. + +The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans. + +After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner. + +"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall." + +"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position." + +An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia--long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately--not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message. + +Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey. + +The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night. + +[Illustration: They were to come home with all speed.] + +Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever. + +She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club. + +She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia. + + + + +XIII + +THE HOME-COMING + + +The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding--the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind. + +He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window. + +Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse! + +He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily: + +"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?" + +While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled! + +The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis. + +"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova. + +[Illustration: Popsy.] + +"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?" + +"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again." + +"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here--all of you--and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!" + +"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!" + +"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial--one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"--turning upon the old tutor--"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!" + +That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir--quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue. + +The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General. + + + + +XIV + +HEROISM REWARDED + + +A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water. + +Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant. + +She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit. + +The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General. + +Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note. + +"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note." + +A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows: + + You don't know me and there is no need to give my name. Must see you + on important matter of business. Something in regard to your daughter. + +"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!" + +"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character." + +"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order." + +A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit--a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn. + +"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter." + +"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly. + +"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I--" + +"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,--which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day." + +"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter--and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter--what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this." + +"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?" + +"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it." + +"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?" + +"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American." + +"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies." + +"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country." + +"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?" + +"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars." + +"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?" + +"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all." + +"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?" + +"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you _would_ have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right." + +"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal." + +"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly. + +"Really!" + +"I am a Knight Templar." + +"A knight? That is certainly something." + +"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine." + +"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly. + +"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos." + +"A king?" + +"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her." + +"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes." + +"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand." + +"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor." + +"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of _your_ country and disregard +the customs of _my_ country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she _does_ +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency." + +The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it. + +"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here." + +He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether-- + +He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon--an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness. + +"I--I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder. + +She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said: + +"I am very glad to meet you." + +Then there was a pause. + +"Won't you be seated?" he asked. + +She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause. + +"I--I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him. + +"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you." + +"You flatter me," she said softly. + +"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as--as--corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it--that is, are +you any plumper than the average?" + +"I have been told that I am." + +"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?" + +"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised. + +"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"--and he stood in front of +her,--"and try to touch the floor with your fingers--so!"--illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down----" + +She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger. + +"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. + +"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds." + +"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded. + +"_I_ didn't come to see _you_." + +"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you." + +"Sent _you_," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see _you_." + +As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly. + +"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end." + +A servant appeared in the doorway. + +"Show this person out," said the portly princess. + +The servant gave a little scream. + +"Mr. Pike!" + +"Kalora!" + +And then he was holding both her hands. + +"You are _here_--here in Morovenia? You came all the way?" + +"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started--got +in here last night." + +"But why did you come?" + +[Illustration: "Mr. Pike!" "Kalora!"] + +"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike wasted no time in circumlocution. + +During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream. + +"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible----" + +"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting----" + +Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law. + +"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for." + +At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech. + +"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy----" + +"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one." + +"_Find_ some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly. + +"_Find_ some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that----" + +Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son." + +Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova. + +Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals. + +"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic. + +"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids." + +"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm. + +"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova." + +"Good! His punishment shall be--permanent exile." + +"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing--in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +_Washington_! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles--all the pickles I want to eat!" + +"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly. + +"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11279 *** diff --git a/11279-8.txt b/11279-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..715af0f --- /dev/null +++ b/11279-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3223 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: I consented to deliver a message for him] + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + +_By_ GEORGE ADE + + +1907 + + * * * * * + +"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in _The Saturday Evening Post_ of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company. + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + + I WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + II KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + III THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + IV THE GARDEN PARTY + + V HE ARRIVES + + VI HE DEPARTS + + VII THE ONLY KOLDO + +VIII BY MESSENGER + + IX AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + X ON THE WING + + XI AN OUTING--A REUNION + + XII THE GOVERNOR CABLES + +XIII THE HOME-COMING + + XIV HEROISM REWARDED + + * * * * * + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + + + +I + +WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + +Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European. + +The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man. + +The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman. + +In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it. + +Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf. + +She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinée. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafés. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex! + +Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago. + +Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible. + + + + +II + +KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + +If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. + +The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor. + +The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes. + +It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere. + +Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin. + +Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form. + +No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her. + +In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character. + +Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem. + +Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat. + +Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." + +In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult. + +Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian." + +It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. + + + + +III + +THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + +If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away. + +In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way. + +As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention. + +In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness. + +Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions. + +It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds. + +[Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] + +[Blank Page] + +These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage. + +Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." + +The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection. + +Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face. + +Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ slender." + +Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." + +And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle. + + + + +IV + +THE GARDEN PARTY + + +Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married." + +He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings." + +This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. + +It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage. + +"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty--the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one +would be sufficient--one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" + +He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying. + +He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship. + +Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. + +The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams. + +On the morning of the day set apart for the début of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions. + +"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began. + +"Slender," she corrected. + +"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane--a mere shadow of a girl--and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare." + +"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball." + +"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint--Allah preserve me from such women!" + +"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?" + +"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency." + +"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and--who knows?--perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me--buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter. + +"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon." + +Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him. + +To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines. + +First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British. + +While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions. + +Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music. + +Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye. + +Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor. + +"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?" + +"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy _you_!" + +"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?" + +"I tolerate him." + +"Does he ever scold you for being thin?" + +"Does he _what_?" + +"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and--and--pulpy?" + +"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and--pulpy." + +"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?" + +"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant." + +"Bant?" + +"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable." + +Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman. + +"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat--I +am slim--quite slim." + +And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows: + +At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp. + +They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking. + +Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister. + +"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely. + +To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora--a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes. + +They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest. + +Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse. + +"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then--" + +Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets. + +"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger. + +"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them." + +"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us." + +Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried _her_ to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife. + +Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter. + +If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud. + +She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors. + +"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I _am_ thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds." + +She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her. + +"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!" + +"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! _Look_!" + +With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure. + +What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified--first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing. + + + + +V + +HE ARRIVES + + +Kalora was alone. + +After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land. + +The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter. + +"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident." + +"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me." + +"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you." + +"Not in Morovenia." + +"Why remain in Morovenia?" + +"We are not permitted to travel." + +"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?" + +"Oh, to travel--to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or--" she paused and gave a little gasp--"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should--should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and--" + +"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny." + +"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife. + +"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed--a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty--the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat." + +"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me." + +"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride. + +Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her. + +"How do you do?" came a voice. + +She was startled and looked about, but saw no one. + +"Up here!" came the voice again. + +She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed. + +[Illustration: "Up here!" came the voice again] + +He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen. + +"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly. + +"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them." + +"Were you invited?" + +"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out--seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding." + +"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?" + +"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?" + +"I'm afraid not." + +"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?" + +"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely. + +"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +_could_ say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you." + +Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her. + +"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially--ah--Christians." + +"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on _The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer_, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow." + +Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger. + +"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked. + +"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?" + +"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be." + +"And father?" + +"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia." + +"Wow! And you?" + +"I am his daughter." + +"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?" + +"I am called Princess." + +"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin." + +"I don't know what you mean," she said. + +"A corker." + +"Corker?" + +"I mean that you're a good-looker--that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut." + +[Illustration: "Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?"] + +Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex. + +She reasoned thus with herself: + +"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?" + +Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania. + +"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked. + +"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open." + +"You have seen many women in many countries?" + +"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it." + +"Then you know what constitutes beauty?" + +"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel--you +know, stood _bent_ all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!" + +"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?" + +"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender--" + +"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him. + +"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and--Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean." + +He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic. + +"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked. + +"These are about the limit." + +"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?" + +"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf--why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?" + +"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat." + +"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?" + +"Duck?" + +"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean--away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night--_Bill Bailey_! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral." + +Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights. + +"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away--to the west." + +"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred." + +"I should like to go, but--Look! Hurry, please! You must go!" + +She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. + +"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them. + +"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! _Run_! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison--perhaps worse." + +"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some." + +When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph. + + + + +VI + +HE DEPARTS + + +And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data. + +When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team. + +While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest. + +Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw. + +While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly. + +He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two. + +The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing. + +Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall. + +Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick? + +Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest. + +Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity. + +Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax. + +He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength. + +"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General. + +"By jumping over the wall." + +"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General. + +"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet." + +"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!" + +Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent. + +This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence. + +A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life. + +No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him. + +Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls. + +Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message. + + + + +VII + +THE ONLY KOLDO + + +Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote. + +He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth. + +He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly. + +Of one thing he was certain--it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,--these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case--he whistled +softly. + +Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager. + +One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective. + +If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference. + +The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding. + +"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo. + +"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry." + +"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova--this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family." + +Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance. + +"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial. + +The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city." + +"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow. + +The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican. + +"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large--black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything--long mustache, also black--wears much +jewelry--speaks with a marked German accent--wears a suit of Scotch +plaid--heavy military boots." + +Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair. + +"How--ah--where did you get this description?" he asked gently. + +"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range." + +"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager. + +"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone. + +"An excellent plan," assented the manager. + +"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"--to the head of the +secret service. + +"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data--already I am planning my campaign." + +"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles." + +"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily. + +"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner." + +The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way. + +The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment. + +"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight." + +He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed. + +"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat--ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?" + +The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed. + +Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators. + +"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace." + +"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation. + +"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy." + +"The what?" + +"The squidge--that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?" + +"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric. + +"Into the bar--down at the little iron table--business of hoisting +beverage." + +"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol." + +"I'm not _supposed_ to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes." + +There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York. + +"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails--that is, if you like the taste +of _eau de quinine_. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes." + +The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head. + +"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself." + +Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam. + +"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages." + +Popova sipped conservatively. + +"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order." + +The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling. + +It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe. + + + + +VIII + +BY MESSENGER + + +On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision. + +Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives. + +During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police. + +Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return--that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again. + +In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed--not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day. + +While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something. + +"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the--the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply--deeply," +he began. + +"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister." + +She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice. + +"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you--" + +"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me--the stranger--you know, the one in +the garden--has he been taken?" inquired the Princess. + +"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue--not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I--I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics--I--he--never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him." + +Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova. + +"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly. + +"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter." + +He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it. + +"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual--" + +But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows: + + MY DEAR PRINCESS: + + I hope that's the way to begin. Something tells me that you would not + stand for "Your Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" trimmings. + + Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just had a talk with the + eminent plain-clothes man who is looking for the burglar that broke into + the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. He read to me the + description. Say, if I tried to write at this minute all of my present + emotions concerning you, I would burn holes in the paper. When it comes + to turning out fiction, Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, + when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel this evening, I figured it a + toss-up whether I should ever see home and mother again. + + I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am for you and I want to see you + again and tell you right to your face what I think of you. If you will + sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I + will come over the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. I know + that this method of becoming acquainted with young women is not indorsed + by the _Ladies_' _Home Journal_ or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly as I + can find out, there is no other way in which I can get into society over + here. + + So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, don't give them a + thought. I have met, the great Koldo, and he won't know until about next + Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The professor has promised to bring a + reply to the hotel. He is not on. + + Sincerely, + YOUR GERMAN FRIEND. + + +She read it all and found herself gasping--surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment. + +"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present. + +"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant. + +"I tell you he is a fool--a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make. + +"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents--" + +"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter. + +The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of--of seeing her again! + +"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova. + +"Oh, I _must_--I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?" + +"Possibly." + +"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour--deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else." + +Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort! + +Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand. + +Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare. + +This is what Mr. Pike read: + + My very good friend: + + I have protected you, not because you deserve protection, but because I + like you very much. You must not come to the palace grounds again. They + are now under double guard and, if I attempted to meet you, no doubt a + whole company of our big soldiers would surround you and surely you + could not overcome so many powerful men. I am thinking only of your + safety. I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your danger is greater + than you can imagine. What more can I say, except that I shall always + remember you? Sincerely, + + K. + +Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter. + +"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit. + +"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly." + +That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier. + +Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall. + +She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned--and yet, if he _did_ come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time. + +She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed. + +Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia. + + + + +IX + +AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + +About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue. + +Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character. + +By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility. + +Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General. + +While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova. + +"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description." + +"Have you questioned Kalora again?" + +"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search." + +The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine. + +"It is in English; I read it badly." + +He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows: + + What is the great danger that threatens the American woman? It is + _obesity_. It is well known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women + in the United States are striving to reduce their weight. For all such + we have a message of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and she---- + +"The remainder is torn away," said Popova. + +The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked. + +"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud: + + To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan: + + When I began using your wonderful health-food I was a mere skeleton. I + have been living on it for three months and I have gained a pound a day. + Permit me to express the conviction that you are real benefactors to the + human race. Gratefully yours, + + OSCAR TILBURY, + Oakdale, Arkansas. + +"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?" + +"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary." + +"What country is this?" + +"America, the land of milk and honey." + +"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see--one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five--oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +_must_ be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning." + +Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity. + +"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her." + +"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy. + +"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?" + +"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up." + +"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations--and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition." + +When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room. + +Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine. + + + + +X + +ON THE WING + + +The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules. + +Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books. + +The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards. + +At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova--pshaw! + +She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view. + +"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter. + +"I shall not." + +Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey. + +Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman. + +Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna. + +Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled. + +Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets." + +At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier. + +The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer. + +Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day. + +She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species. + +When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World. + +From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy. + +She lingered in New York--more shopping. + +By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly. + + + + +XI + +AN OUTING--A REUNION + + +The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved. + +The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel. + +Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her. + +And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupé, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week. + +Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument. + +When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent. + +"You have been in America a long time?" she asked. + +"About three years." + +"You have met many people--that is, the important people?" + +"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be." + +"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name." + +"I'm afraid I haven't met him." + +"He is rather good-looking and has--well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red." + +"There are millions of red-haired young men in America." + +"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa--Pennsylvania, that's it." + +"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia." + +"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions." + +"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest." + +"He owns some sort of mills or factories--where they make steel." + +"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them." + +This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary. + +"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said. + +"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?" + +"At a garden party in Morovenia." + +"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington." + +"You are not displeased to find me here?" + +"Charmed--delighted." + +"And you will take me to the country club?" + +"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure." + +"I shall drop a note. Good-by." + +He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupé +and was driven away. + +That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked: + +"What shall I do?" + +"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?" + +"I do not." + +"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?" + +"Nothing of the sort." + +"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?" + +"Decidedly not." + +"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family." + +So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy. + +Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses! + +Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car. + +The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister--nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood. + +About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports--and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora? + +The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before. + +This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode. + +A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats. + +At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely. + +She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man--a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn. + +With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed: + +"Well, I'll be--" + +He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them. + +He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse. + + + + +XII + +THE GOVERNOR CABLES + + +"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?" + +And he was still holding her hand. + +"Yes--it is." + +"The Princess--ah--?" + +"Kalora." + +"_That's_ it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. _Kalora_--_Kalora_--I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?" + +"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come." + +"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?" + +"I forget--three months--four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?" + +"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?" + +"I will confess--the whole truth--since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but--your name--_please_ tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry." + +"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat." + +"Why, of course, _Pike, Pike_--it is the name of a fish." + +"Thank you." + +The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel. + +His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking. + +Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her. + +They sat and talked for an hour--sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia. + +"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day." + +"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom--so many liberties." + +"And what we don't give them, they take--which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me." + +"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!" + +"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life." + +"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he--" + +She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes. + +"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree--well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well--don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you--I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest." + +"I'm glad--you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes. + +"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me." + +He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere. + +The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans. + +After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner. + +"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall." + +"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position." + +An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia--long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately--not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message. + +Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey. + +The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night. + +[Illustration: They were to come home with all speed.] + +Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever. + +She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club. + +She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia. + + + + +XIII + +THE HOME-COMING + + +The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding--the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind. + +He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window. + +Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse! + +He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily: + +"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?" + +While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled! + +The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis. + +"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova. + +[Illustration: Popsy.] + +"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?" + +"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again." + +"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here--all of you--and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!" + +"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!" + +"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial--one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"--turning upon the old tutor--"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!" + +That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir--quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue. + +The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General. + + + + +XIV + +HEROISM REWARDED + + +A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water. + +Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant. + +She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit. + +The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General. + +Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note. + +"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note." + +A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows: + + You don't know me and there is no need to give my name. Must see you + on important matter of business. Something in regard to your daughter. + +"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!" + +"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character." + +"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order." + +A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit--a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn. + +"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter." + +"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly. + +"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I--" + +"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,--which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day." + +"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter--and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter--what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this." + +"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?" + +"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it." + +"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?" + +"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American." + +"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies." + +"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country." + +"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?" + +"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars." + +"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?" + +"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all." + +"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?" + +"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you _would_ have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right." + +"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal." + +"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly. + +"Really!" + +"I am a Knight Templar." + +"A knight? That is certainly something." + +"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine." + +"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly. + +"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos." + +"A king?" + +"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her." + +"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes." + +"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand." + +"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor." + +"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of _your_ country and disregard +the customs of _my_ country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she _does_ +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency." + +The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it. + +"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here." + +He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether-- + +He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon--an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness. + +"I--I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder. + +She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said: + +"I am very glad to meet you." + +Then there was a pause. + +"Won't you be seated?" he asked. + +She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause. + +"I--I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him. + +"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you." + +"You flatter me," she said softly. + +"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as--as--corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it--that is, are +you any plumper than the average?" + +"I have been told that I am." + +"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?" + +"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised. + +"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"--and he stood in front of +her,--"and try to touch the floor with your fingers--so!"--illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down----" + +She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger. + +"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. + +"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds." + +"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded. + +"_I_ didn't come to see _you_." + +"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you." + +"Sent _you_," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see _you_." + +As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly. + +"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end." + +A servant appeared in the doorway. + +"Show this person out," said the portly princess. + +The servant gave a little scream. + +"Mr. Pike!" + +"Kalora!" + +And then he was holding both her hands. + +"You are _here_--here in Morovenia? You came all the way?" + +"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started--got +in here last night." + +"But why did you come?" + +[Illustration: "Mr. Pike!" "Kalora!"] + +"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike wasted no time in circumlocution. + +During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream. + +"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible----" + +"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting----" + +Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law. + +"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for." + +At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech. + +"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy----" + +"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one." + +"_Find_ some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly. + +"_Find_ some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that----" + +Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son." + +Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova. + +Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals. + +"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic. + +"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids." + +"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm. + +"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova." + +"Good! His punishment shall be--permanent exile." + +"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing--in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +_Washington_! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles--all the pickles I want to eat!" + +"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly. + +"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279-8.txt or 11279-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="001.png"><img width="100%" src="001.png" +alt="I consented to deliver a message for him" /></a> +<p>I consented to deliver a message for him</p> + </div> + + + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> +<h1> +THE SLIM PRINCESS</h1> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<center><b>By GEORGE ADE</b></center> + +<p>1907</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p>"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in <i>The Saturday Evening Post</i> of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + + +<a name="contents"></a><h2>CONTENTS</h2> + + <a href="#I"><b>I</b></a> WOMAN IN MOROVENIA<br> + <a href="#II"><b>II</b></a> KALORA'S AFFLICTION<br> + <a href="#III"><b>III</b></a> THE CRUELTY OF LAW<br> + <a href="#IV"><b>IV</b></a> THE GARDEN PARTY<br> + <a href="#V"><b>V</b></a> HE ARRIVES<br> + <a href="#VI"><b>VI</b></a> HE DEPARTS<br> + <a href="#VII"><b>VII</b></a> THE ONLY KOLDO<br> + <a href="#VIII"><b>VIII</b></a> BY MESSENGER<br> + <a href="#IX"><b>IX</b></a> AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C.<br> + <a href="#X"><b>X</b></a> ON THE WING<br> + <a href="#XI"><b>XI</b></a> AN OUTING—A REUNION<br> + <a href="#XII"><b>XII</b></a> THE GOVERNOR CABLES<br> + <a href="#XIII"><b>XIII</b></a> THE HOME-COMING<br> + <a href="#XIV"><b>XIV</b></a> HEROISM REWARDED<br> + + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<h1>THE SLIM PRINCESS</h1> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<a name="I"></a><h2>I</h2> + +<h3>WOMAN IN MOROVENIA</h3> + + +<p>Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European.</p> + +<p>The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man.</p> + +<p>The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it.</p> + +<p>Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf.</p> + +<p>She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinée. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafés. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex!</p> + +<p>Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago.</p> + +<p>Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful—that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="II"></a><h2>II</h2> + +<h3>KALORA'S AFFLICTION</h3> + + +<p>If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race.</p> + +<p>The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor.</p> + +<p>The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes.</p> + +<p>It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere.</p> + +<p>Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin.</p> + +<p>Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form.</p> + +<p>No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her.</p> + +<p>In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character.</p> + +<p>Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem.</p> + +<p>Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat.</p> + +<p>Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog."</p> + +<p>In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult.</p> + +<p>Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian."</p> + +<p>It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="III"></a><h2>III</h2> + +<h3>THE CRUELTY OF LAW</h3> + + +<p>If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way.</p> + +<p>As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen—still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions.</p> + +<p>It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds.</p> + + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="020.png"><img width="100%" src="020.png" +alt="Papova rejoiced greatly" /></a> +<p>Papova rejoiced greatly</p> + </div> + +<p>These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage.</p> + +<p>Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"—that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem."</p> + +<p>The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection.</p> + +<p>Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face.</p> + +<p>Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she <i>is</i> slender."</p> + +<p>Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling."</p> + +<p>And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="IV"></a><h2>IV</h2> + +<h3>THE GARDEN PARTY</h3> + + +<p>Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation—the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married."</p> + +<p>He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings."</p> + +<p>This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain.</p> + +<p>It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage.</p> + +<p>"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty—the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one—one +would be sufficient—one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how—how?"</p> + +<p>He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying.</p> + +<p>He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship.</p> + +<p>Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments.</p> + +<p>The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams.</p> + +<p>On the morning of the day set apart for the début of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions.</p> + +<p>"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began.</p> + +<p>"Slender," she corrected.</p> + +<p>"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane—a mere shadow of a girl—and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare."</p> + +<p>"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball."</p> + +<p>"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint—Allah preserve me from such women!"</p> + +<p>"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?"</p> + +<p>"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency."</p> + +<p>"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and—who knows?—perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me—buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter.</p> + +<p>"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon."</p> + +<p>Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him.</p> + +<p>To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines.</p> + +<p>First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British.</p> + +<p>While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions.</p> + +<p>Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music.</p> + +<p>Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor.</p> + +<p>"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy <i>you</i>!"</p> + +<p>"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?"</p> + +<p>"I tolerate him."</p> + +<p>"Does he ever scold you for being thin?"</p> + +<p>"Does he <i>what</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and—and—pulpy?"</p> + +<p>"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and—pulpy."</p> + +<p>"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?"</p> + +<p>"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant."</p> + +<p>"Bant?"</p> + +<p>"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable."</p> + +<p>Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman.</p> + +<p>"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat—I +am slim—quite slim."</p> + +<p>And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows:</p> + +<p>At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp.</p> + +<p>They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking.</p> + +<p>Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister.</p> + +<p>"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely.</p> + +<p>To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora—a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes.</p> + +<p>They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse.</p> + +<p>"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then—"</p> + +<p>Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger.</p> + +<p>"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them."</p> + +<p>"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us."</p> + +<p>Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried <i>her</i> to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife.</p> + +<p>Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter.</p> + +<p>If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud.</p> + +<p>She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors.</p> + +<p>"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I <i>am</i> thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds."</p> + +<p>She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her.</p> + +<p>"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! <i>Look</i>!"</p> + +<p>With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure.</p> + +<p>What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified—first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="V"></a><h2>V</h2> + +<h3>HE ARRIVES</h3> + + +<p>Kalora was alone.</p> + +<p>After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land.</p> + +<p>The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter.</p> + +<p>"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me."</p> + +<p>"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you."</p> + +<p>"Not in Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Why remain in Morovenia?"</p> + +<p>"We are not permitted to travel."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, to travel—to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or—" she paused and gave a little gasp—"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should—should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny."</p> + +<p>"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife.</p> + +<p>"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed—a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty—the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat."</p> + +<p>"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me."</p> + +<p>"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by."</p> + +<p>"Good-by."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride.</p> + +<p>Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her.</p> + +<p>"How do you do?" came a voice.</p> + +<p>She was startled and looked about, but saw no one.</p> + +<p>"Up here!" came the voice again.</p> + +<p>She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="052.png"><img width="100%" src="052.png" +alt="'Up here! came the voice again'" /></a> +<p>'Up here! came the voice again'</p> + </div> + +<p>He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly.</p> + +<p>"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them."</p> + +<p>"Were you invited?"</p> + +<p>"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out—seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding."</p> + +<p>"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?"</p> + +<p>"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid not."</p> + +<p>"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?"</p> + +<p>"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely.</p> + +<p>"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +<i>could</i> say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you."</p> + +<p>Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially—ah—Christians."</p> + +<p>"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on <i>The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer</i>, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow."</p> + +<p>Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger.</p> + +<p>"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?"</p> + +<p>"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be."</p> + +<p>"And father?"</p> + +<p>"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Wow! And you?"</p> + +<p>"I am his daughter."</p> + +<p>"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?"</p> + +<p>"I am called Princess."</p> + +<p>"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin."</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean," she said.</p> + +<p>"A corker."</p> + +<p>"Corker?"</p> + +<p>"I mean that you're a good-looker—that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut."</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="060.png"><img width="100%" src="060.png" +alt="'Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?'" /></a> +<p>Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?</p> + </div> + + + +<p>Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex.</p> + +<p>She reasoned thus with herself:</p> + +<p>"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?"</p> + +<p>Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania.</p> + +<p>"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open."</p> + +<p>"You have seen many women in many countries?"</p> + +<p>"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it."</p> + +<p>"Then you know what constitutes beauty?"</p> + +<p>"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel—you +know, stood <i>bent</i> all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!"</p> + +<p>"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender—"</p> + +<p>"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him.</p> + +<p>"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and—Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean."</p> + +<p>He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic.</p> + +<p>"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"These are about the limit."</p> + +<p>"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?"</p> + +<p>"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf—why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?"</p> + +<p>"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat."</p> + +<p>"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?"</p> + +<p>"Duck?"</p> + +<p>"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean—away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night—<i>Bill Bailey</i>! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral."</p> + +<p>Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights.</p> + +<p>"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away—to the west."</p> + +<p>"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred."</p> + +<p>"I should like to go, but—Look! Hurry, please! You must go!"</p> + +<p>She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement.</p> + +<p>"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them.</p> + +<p>"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! <i>Run</i>! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison—perhaps worse."</p> + +<p>"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some."</p> + +<p>When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VI"></a><h2>VI</h2> + +<h3>HE DEPARTS</h3> + + +<p>And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data.</p> + +<p>When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team.</p> + +<p>While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest.</p> + +<p>Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw.</p> + +<p>While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly.</p> + +<p>He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two.</p> + +<p>The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall.</p> + +<p>Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick?</p> + +<p>Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest.</p> + +<p>Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax.</p> + +<p>He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength.</p> + +<p>"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General.</p> + +<p>"By jumping over the wall."</p> + +<p>"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General.</p> + +<p>"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet."</p> + +<p>"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!"</p> + +<p>Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent.</p> + +<p>This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence.</p> + +<p>A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life.</p> + +<p>No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him.</p> + +<p>Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls.</p> + +<p>Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VII"></a><h2>VII</h2> + +<h3>THE ONLY KOLDO</h3> + + +<p>Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote.</p> + +<p>He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth.</p> + +<p>He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly.</p> + +<p>Of one thing he was certain—it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,—these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case—he whistled +softly.</p> + +<p>Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager.</p> + +<p>One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective.</p> + +<p>If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference.</p> + +<p>The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding.</p> + +<p>"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo.</p> + +<p>"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry."</p> + +<p>"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova—this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family."</p> + +<p>Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance.</p> + +<p>"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial.</p> + +<p>The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city."</p> + +<p>"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow.</p> + +<p>The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican.</p> + +<p>"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large—black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything—long mustache, also black—wears much +jewelry—speaks with a marked German accent—wears a suit of Scotch +plaid—heavy military boots."</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair.</p> + +<p>"How—ah—where did you get this description?" he asked gently.</p> + +<p>"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range."</p> + +<p>"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager.</p> + +<p>"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone.</p> + +<p>"An excellent plan," assented the manager.</p> + +<p>"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"—to the head of the +secret service.</p> + +<p>"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data—already I am planning my campaign."</p> + +<p>"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles."</p> + +<p>"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily.</p> + +<p>"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner."</p> + +<p>The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way.</p> + +<p>The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment.</p> + +<p>"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight."</p> + +<p>He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed.</p> + +<p>"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat—ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?"</p> + +<p>The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators.</p> + +<p>"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace."</p> + +<p>"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation.</p> + +<p>"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy."</p> + +<p>"The what?"</p> + +<p>"The squidge—that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?"</p> + +<p>"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric.</p> + +<p>"Into the bar—down at the little iron table—business of hoisting +beverage."</p> + +<p>"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol."</p> + +<p>"I'm not <i>supposed</i> to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes."</p> + +<p>There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York.</p> + +<p>"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails—that is, if you like the taste +of <i>eau de quinine</i>. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes."</p> + +<p>The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself."</p> + +<p>Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam.</p> + +<p>"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages."</p> + +<p>Popova sipped conservatively.</p> + +<p>"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order."</p> + +<p>The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling.</p> + +<p>It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VIII"></a><h2>VIII</h2> + +<h3>BY MESSENGER</h3> + + +<p>On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision.</p> + +<p>Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives.</p> + +<p>During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police.</p> + +<p>Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return—that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again.</p> + +<p>In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed—not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day.</p> + +<p>While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something.</p> + +<p>"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the—the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply—deeply," +he began.</p> + +<p>"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister."</p> + +<p>She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice.</p> + +<p>"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you—"</p> + +<p>"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me—the stranger—you know, the one in +the garden—has he been taken?" inquired the Princess.</p> + +<p>"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue—not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I—I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics—I—he—never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him."</p> + +<p>Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova.</p> + +<p>"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly.</p> + +<p>"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter."</p> + +<p>He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it.</p> + +<p>"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual—"</p> + +<p>But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows:</p> + +<p>MY DEAR PRINCESS:</p> +<p> +I hope that's the way to begin. Something +tells me that you would not stand for "Your +Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" +trimmings.</p> +<p> +Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just +had a talk with the eminent plain-clothes man +who is looking for the burglar that broke into +the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. +He read to me the description. Say, if I tried +to write at this minute all of my present emotions +concerning you, I would burn holes in +the paper. When it comes to turning out fiction, +Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, +when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel +this evening, I figured it a toss-up whether I +should ever see home and mother again.</p> +<p> +I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am +for you and I want to see you again and tell you +right to your face what I think of you. If you +will sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 +p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I will come over +the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. +I know that this method of becoming acquainted +with young women is not indorsed by the <i>Ladies</i>' +<i>Home Journal</i> or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly +as I can find out, there is no other way in +which I can get into society over here.</p> +<p> +So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, +don't give them a thought. I have met, +the great Koldo, and he won't know until about +next Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The +professor has promised to bring a reply to the +hotel. He is not on.</p> +<p> +Sincerely,<br> +YOUR GERMAN FRIEND.</p> + +<p>She read it all and found herself gasping—surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment.</p> + +<p>"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present.</p> + +<p>"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant.</p> + +<p>"I tell you he is a fool—a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make.</p> + +<p>"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents—"</p> + +<p>"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter.</p> + +<p>The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of—of seeing her again!</p> + +<p>"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I <i>must</i>—I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly."</p> + +<p>"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour—deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else."</p> + +<p>Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort!</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand.</p> + +<p>Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare.</p> + +<p>This is what Mr. Pike read:</p> + +<p> +My very good friend:</p> +<p> +I have protected you, not because you deserve +protection, but because I like you very much. +You must not come to the palace grounds again. +They are now under double guard and, if I attempted +to meet you, no doubt a whole company +of our big soldiers would surround you and +surely you could not overcome so many powerful +men. I am thinking only of your safety. +I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your +danger is greater than you can imagine. What +more can I say, except that I shall always remember +you? Sincerely,</p> +<p> +K.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter.</p> + +<p>"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit.</p> + +<p>"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly."</p> + +<p>That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier.</p> + +<p>Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall.</p> + +<p>She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned—and yet, if he <i>did</i> come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time.</p> + +<p>She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed.</p> + +<p>Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="IX"></a><h2>IX</h2> + +<h3>AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C.</h3> + + +<p>About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue.</p> + +<p>Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character.</p> + +<p>By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility.</p> + +<p>Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General.</p> + +<p>While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova.</p> + +<p>"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description."</p> + +<p>"Have you questioned Kalora again?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search."</p> + +<p>The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine.</p> + +<p>"It is in English; I read it badly."</p> + +<p>He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows:</p> +<p> +What is the great danger that threatens the +American woman? It is <i>obesity</i>. It is well +known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women +in the United States are striving to reduce +their weight. For all such we have a message +of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and +she——</p> + +<p>"The remainder is torn away," said Popova.</p> + +<p>The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked.</p> + +<p>"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud:</p> +<p> +To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan:</p> +<p> +When I began using your wonderful health-food +I was a mere skeleton. I have been living +on it for three months and I have gained a +pound a day. Permit me to express the conviction +that you are real benefactors to the human +race. Gratefully yours,</p> +<p> +OSCAR TILBURY,<br> +Oakdale, Arkansas.</p> + +<p>"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?"</p> + +<p>"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary."</p> + +<p>"What country is this?"</p> + +<p>"America, the land of milk and honey."</p> + +<p>"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see—one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five—oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +<i>must</i> be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning."</p> + +<p>Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity.</p> + +<p>"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her."</p> + +<p>"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy.</p> + +<p>"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?"</p> + +<p>"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up."</p> + +<p>"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations—and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition."</p> + +<p>When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room.</p> + +<p>Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="X"></a><h2>X</h2> + +<h3>ON THE WING</h3> + + +<p>The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules.</p> + +<p>Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books.</p> + +<p>The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards.</p> + +<p>At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova—pshaw!</p> + +<p>She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view.</p> + +<p>"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter.</p> + +<p>"I shall not."</p> + +<p>Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey.</p> + +<p>Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman.</p> + +<p>Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna.</p> + +<p>Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled.</p> + +<p>Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets."</p> + +<p>At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier.</p> + +<p>The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer.</p> + +<p>Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day.</p> + +<p>She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species.</p> + +<p>When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World.</p> + +<p>From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy.</p> + +<p>She lingered in New York—more shopping.</p> + +<p>By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XI"></a><h2>XI</h2> + +<h3>AN OUTING—A REUNION</h3> + + +<p>The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved.</p> + +<p>The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel.</p> + +<p>Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her.</p> + +<p>And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupé, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week.</p> + +<p>Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument.</p> + +<p>When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent.</p> + +<p>"You have been in America a long time?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"About three years."</p> + +<p>"You have met many people—that is, the important people?"</p> + +<p>"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be."</p> + +<p>"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name."</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I haven't met him."</p> + +<p>"He is rather good-looking and has—well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red."</p> + +<p>"There are millions of red-haired young men in America."</p> + +<p>"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa—Pennsylvania, that's it."</p> + +<p>"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions."</p> + +<p>"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest."</p> + +<p>"He owns some sort of mills or factories—where they make steel."</p> + +<p>"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them."</p> + +<p>This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary.</p> + +<p>"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said.</p> + +<p>"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?"</p> + +<p>"At a garden party in Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington."</p> + +<p>"You are not displeased to find me here?"</p> + +<p>"Charmed—delighted."</p> + +<p>"And you will take me to the country club?"</p> + +<p>"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure."</p> + +<p>"I shall drop a note. Good-by."</p> + +<p>He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupé +and was driven away.</p> + +<p>That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked:</p> + +<p>"What shall I do?"</p> + +<p>"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?"</p> + +<p>"I do not."</p> + +<p>"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing of the sort."</p> + +<p>"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?"</p> + +<p>"Decidedly not."</p> + +<p>"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family."</p> + +<p>So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy.</p> + +<p>Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses!</p> + +<p>Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car.</p> + +<p>The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister—nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood.</p> + +<p>About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports—and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora?</p> + +<p>The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before.</p> + +<p>This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode.</p> + +<p>A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats.</p> + +<p>At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely.</p> + +<p>She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man—a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn.</p> + +<p>With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Well, I'll be—"</p> + +<p>He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them.</p> + +<p>He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XII"></a><h2>XII</h2> + +<h3>THE GOVERNOR CABLES</h3> + + +<p>"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?"</p> + +<p>And he was still holding her hand.</p> + +<p>"Yes—it is."</p> + +<p>"The Princess—ah—?"</p> + +<p>"Kalora."</p> + +<p>"<i>That's</i> it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. <i>Kalora</i>—<i>Kalora</i>—I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?"</p> + +<p>"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come."</p> + +<p>"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?"</p> + +<p>"I forget—three months—four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?"</p> + +<p>"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?"</p> + +<p>"I will confess—the whole truth—since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but—your name—<i>please</i> tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry."</p> + +<p>"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat."</p> + +<p>"Why, of course, <i>Pike, Pike</i>—it is the name of a fish."</p> + +<p>"Thank you."</p> + +<p>The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel.</p> + +<p>His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her.</p> + +<p>They sat and talked for an hour—sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia.</p> + +<p>"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day."</p> + +<p>"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom—so many liberties."</p> + +<p>"And what we don't give them, they take—which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me."</p> + +<p>"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!"</p> + +<p>"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life."</p> + +<p>"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he—"</p> + +<p>She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes.</p> + +<p>"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree—well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well—don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you—I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad—you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes.</p> + +<p>"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me."</p> + +<p>He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere.</p> + +<p>The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans.</p> + +<p>After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner.</p> + +<p>"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall."</p> + +<p>"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position."</p> + +<p>An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia—long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately—not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message.</p> + +<p>Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey.</p> + +<p>The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="150.png"><img width="100%" src="150.png" +alt="They were to come home with all speed." /></a> +<p>They were to come home with all speed.</p> + </div> + + +<p>Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever.</p> + +<p>She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club.</p> + +<p>She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XIII"></a><h2>XIII</h2> + +<h3>THE HOME-COMING</h3> + + +<p>The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding—the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind.</p> + +<p>He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window.</p> + +<p>Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse!</p> + +<p>He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily:</p> + +<p>"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?"</p> + +<p>While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled!</p> + +<p>The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis.</p> + +<p>"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="156.png"><img width="100%" src="156.png" +alt="Popsy" /></a> +<p>Popsy</p> + </div> + +<p>"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?"</p> + +<p>"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again."</p> + +<p>"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here—all of you—and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!"</p> + +<p>"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!"</p> + +<p>"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial—one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"—turning upon the old tutor—"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!"</p> + +<p>That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir—quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue.</p> + +<p>The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XIV"></a><h2>XIV</h2> + +<h3>HEROISM REWARDED</h3> + + +<p>A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water.</p> + +<p>Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant.</p> + +<p>She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit.</p> + +<p>The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note.</p> + +<p>"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note."</p> + +<p>A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows:</p> +<p> +You don't know me and there is no need to +give my name. Must see you on important matter +of business. Something in regard to your +daughter.</p> + +<p>"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!"</p> + +<p>"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character."</p> + +<p>"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order."</p> + +<p>A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit—a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn.</p> + +<p>"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter."</p> + +<p>"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly.</p> + +<p>"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I—"</p> + +<p>"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,—which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day."</p> + +<p>"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter—and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter—what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this."</p> + +<p>"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?"</p> + +<p>"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it."</p> + +<p>"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?"</p> + +<p>"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American."</p> + +<p>"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies."</p> + +<p>"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country."</p> + +<p>"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?"</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars."</p> + +<p>"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?"</p> + +<p>"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all."</p> + +<p>"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?"</p> + +<p>"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you <i>would</i> have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right."</p> + +<p>"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal."</p> + +<p>"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly.</p> + +<p>"Really!"</p> + +<p>"I am a Knight Templar."</p> + +<p>"A knight? That is certainly something."</p> + +<p>"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine."</p> + +<p>"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly.</p> + +<p>"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos."</p> + +<p>"A king?"</p> + +<p>"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her."</p> + +<p>"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes."</p> + +<p>"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor."</p> + +<p>"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of <i>your</i> country and disregard +the customs of <i>my</i> country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she <i>does</i> +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency."</p> + +<p>The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it.</p> + +<p>"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here."</p> + +<p>He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether—</p> + +<p>He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon—an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness.</p> + +<p>"I—I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder.</p> + +<p>She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said:</p> + +<p>"I am very glad to meet you."</p> + +<p>Then there was a pause.</p> + +<p>"Won't you be seated?" he asked.</p> + +<p>She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause.</p> + +<p>"I—I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him.</p> + +<p>"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you."</p> + +<p>"You flatter me," she said softly.</p> + +<p>"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as—as—corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it—that is, are +you any plumper than the average?"</p> + +<p>"I have been told that I am."</p> + +<p>"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?"</p> + +<p>"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised.</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"—and he stood in front of +her,—"and try to touch the floor with your fingers—so!"—illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down——"</p> + +<p>She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger.</p> + +<p>"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds."</p> + +<p>"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> didn't come to see <i>you</i>."</p> + +<p>"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you."</p> + +<p>"Sent <i>you</i>," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see <i>you</i>."</p> + +<p>As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly.</p> + +<p>"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end."</p> + +<p>A servant appeared in the doorway.</p> + +<p>"Show this person out," said the portly princess.</p> + +<p>The servant gave a little scream.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Pike!"</p> + +<p>"Kalora!"</p> + +<p>And then he was holding both her hands.</p> + +<p>"You are <i>here</i>—here in Morovenia? You came all the way?"</p> + +<p>"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started—got +in here last night."</p> + +<p>"But why did you come?"</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="180.png"><img width="100%" src="180.png" +alt="'Mr. Pike!' 'Kalora!'" /></a> +<p>'Mr. Pike!' 'Kalora!'</p> + </div> + + +<p>"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike +wasted no time in circumlocution.</p> + +<p>During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream.</p> + +<p>"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible——"</p> + +<p>"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting——"</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law.</p> + +<p>"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for."</p> + +<p>At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy——"</p> + +<p>"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one."</p> + +<p>"<i>Find</i> some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly.</p> + +<p>"<i>Find</i> some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that——"</p> + +<p>Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son."</p> + +<p>Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals.</p> + +<p>"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority."</p> + +<p>"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike.</p> + +<p>"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic.</p> + +<p>"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids."</p> + +<p>"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova."</p> + +<p>"Good! His punishment shall be—permanent exile."</p> + +<p>"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing—in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +<i>Washington</i>! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles—all the pickles I want to eat!"</p> + +<p>"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly.</p> + +<p>"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds."</p> + +<p>"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike.</p> + +<p>That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months.</p> + +<p><b>THE END</b></p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279-h.htm or 11279-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: I consented to deliver a message for him] + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + +_By_ GEORGE ADE + + +1907 + + * * * * * + +"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in _The Saturday Evening Post_ of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company. + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + + I WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + II KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + III THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + IV THE GARDEN PARTY + + V HE ARRIVES + + VI HE DEPARTS + + VII THE ONLY KOLDO + +VIII BY MESSENGER + + IX AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + X ON THE WING + + XI AN OUTING--A REUNION + + XII THE GOVERNOR CABLES + +XIII THE HOME-COMING + + XIV HEROISM REWARDED + + * * * * * + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + + + +I + +WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + +Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European. + +The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man. + +The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman. + +In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it. + +Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf. + +She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinee. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafes. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex! + +Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago. + +Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible. + + + + +II + +KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + +If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. + +The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor. + +The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes. + +It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere. + +Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin. + +Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form. + +No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her. + +In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character. + +Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem. + +Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat. + +Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." + +In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult. + +Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian." + +It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. + + + + +III + +THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + +If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away. + +In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way. + +As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention. + +In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness. + +Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions. + +It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds. + +[Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] + +[Blank Page] + +These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage. + +Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." + +The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection. + +Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face. + +Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ slender." + +Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." + +And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle. + + + + +IV + +THE GARDEN PARTY + + +Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married." + +He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings." + +This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. + +It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage. + +"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty--the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one +would be sufficient--one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" + +He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying. + +He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship. + +Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. + +The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams. + +On the morning of the day set apart for the debut of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions. + +"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began. + +"Slender," she corrected. + +"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane--a mere shadow of a girl--and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare." + +"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball." + +"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint--Allah preserve me from such women!" + +"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?" + +"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency." + +"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and--who knows?--perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me--buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter. + +"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon." + +Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him. + +To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines. + +First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British. + +While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions. + +Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music. + +Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye. + +Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor. + +"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?" + +"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy _you_!" + +"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?" + +"I tolerate him." + +"Does he ever scold you for being thin?" + +"Does he _what_?" + +"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and--and--pulpy?" + +"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and--pulpy." + +"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?" + +"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant." + +"Bant?" + +"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable." + +Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman. + +"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat--I +am slim--quite slim." + +And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows: + +At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp. + +They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking. + +Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister. + +"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely. + +To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora--a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes. + +They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest. + +Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse. + +"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then--" + +Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets. + +"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger. + +"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them." + +"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us." + +Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried _her_ to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife. + +Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter. + +If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud. + +She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors. + +"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I _am_ thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds." + +She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her. + +"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!" + +"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! _Look_!" + +With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure. + +What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified--first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing. + + + + +V + +HE ARRIVES + + +Kalora was alone. + +After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land. + +The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter. + +"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident." + +"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me." + +"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you." + +"Not in Morovenia." + +"Why remain in Morovenia?" + +"We are not permitted to travel." + +"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?" + +"Oh, to travel--to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or--" she paused and gave a little gasp--"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should--should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and--" + +"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny." + +"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife. + +"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed--a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty--the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat." + +"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me." + +"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride. + +Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her. + +"How do you do?" came a voice. + +She was startled and looked about, but saw no one. + +"Up here!" came the voice again. + +She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed. + +[Illustration: "Up here!" came the voice again] + +He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen. + +"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly. + +"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them." + +"Were you invited?" + +"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out--seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding." + +"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?" + +"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?" + +"I'm afraid not." + +"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?" + +"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely. + +"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +_could_ say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you." + +Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her. + +"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially--ah--Christians." + +"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on _The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer_, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow." + +Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger. + +"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked. + +"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?" + +"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be." + +"And father?" + +"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia." + +"Wow! And you?" + +"I am his daughter." + +"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?" + +"I am called Princess." + +"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin." + +"I don't know what you mean," she said. + +"A corker." + +"Corker?" + +"I mean that you're a good-looker--that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut." + +[Illustration: "Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?"] + +Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex. + +She reasoned thus with herself: + +"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?" + +Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania. + +"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked. + +"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open." + +"You have seen many women in many countries?" + +"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it." + +"Then you know what constitutes beauty?" + +"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel--you +know, stood _bent_ all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!" + +"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?" + +"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender--" + +"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him. + +"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and--Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean." + +He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic. + +"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked. + +"These are about the limit." + +"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?" + +"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf--why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?" + +"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat." + +"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?" + +"Duck?" + +"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean--away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night--_Bill Bailey_! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral." + +Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights. + +"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away--to the west." + +"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred." + +"I should like to go, but--Look! Hurry, please! You must go!" + +She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. + +"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them. + +"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! _Run_! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison--perhaps worse." + +"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some." + +When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph. + + + + +VI + +HE DEPARTS + + +And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data. + +When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team. + +While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest. + +Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw. + +While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly. + +He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two. + +The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing. + +Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall. + +Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick? + +Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest. + +Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity. + +Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax. + +He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength. + +"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General. + +"By jumping over the wall." + +"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General. + +"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet." + +"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!" + +Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent. + +This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence. + +A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life. + +No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him. + +Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls. + +Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message. + + + + +VII + +THE ONLY KOLDO + + +Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote. + +He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth. + +He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly. + +Of one thing he was certain--it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,--these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case--he whistled +softly. + +Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager. + +One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective. + +If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference. + +The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding. + +"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo. + +"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry." + +"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova--this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family." + +Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance. + +"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial. + +The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city." + +"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow. + +The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican. + +"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large--black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything--long mustache, also black--wears much +jewelry--speaks with a marked German accent--wears a suit of Scotch +plaid--heavy military boots." + +Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair. + +"How--ah--where did you get this description?" he asked gently. + +"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range." + +"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager. + +"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone. + +"An excellent plan," assented the manager. + +"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"--to the head of the +secret service. + +"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data--already I am planning my campaign." + +"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles." + +"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily. + +"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner." + +The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way. + +The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment. + +"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight." + +He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed. + +"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat--ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?" + +The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed. + +Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators. + +"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace." + +"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation. + +"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy." + +"The what?" + +"The squidge--that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?" + +"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric. + +"Into the bar--down at the little iron table--business of hoisting +beverage." + +"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol." + +"I'm not _supposed_ to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes." + +There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York. + +"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails--that is, if you like the taste +of _eau de quinine_. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes." + +The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head. + +"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself." + +Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam. + +"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages." + +Popova sipped conservatively. + +"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order." + +The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling. + +It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe. + + + + +VIII + +BY MESSENGER + + +On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision. + +Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives. + +During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police. + +Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return--that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again. + +In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed--not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day. + +While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something. + +"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the--the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply--deeply," +he began. + +"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister." + +She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice. + +"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you--" + +"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me--the stranger--you know, the one in +the garden--has he been taken?" inquired the Princess. + +"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue--not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I--I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics--I--he--never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him." + +Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova. + +"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly. + +"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter." + +He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it. + +"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual--" + +But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows: + + MY DEAR PRINCESS: + + I hope that's the way to begin. Something tells me that you would not + stand for "Your Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" trimmings. + + Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just had a talk with the + eminent plain-clothes man who is looking for the burglar that broke into + the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. He read to me the + description. Say, if I tried to write at this minute all of my present + emotions concerning you, I would burn holes in the paper. When it comes + to turning out fiction, Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, + when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel this evening, I figured it a + toss-up whether I should ever see home and mother again. + + I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am for you and I want to see you + again and tell you right to your face what I think of you. If you will + sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I + will come over the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. I know + that this method of becoming acquainted with young women is not indorsed + by the _Ladies_' _Home Journal_ or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly as I + can find out, there is no other way in which I can get into society over + here. + + So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, don't give them a + thought. I have met, the great Koldo, and he won't know until about next + Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The professor has promised to bring a + reply to the hotel. He is not on. + + Sincerely, + YOUR GERMAN FRIEND. + + +She read it all and found herself gasping--surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment. + +"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present. + +"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant. + +"I tell you he is a fool--a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make. + +"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents--" + +"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter. + +The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of--of seeing her again! + +"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova. + +"Oh, I _must_--I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?" + +"Possibly." + +"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour--deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else." + +Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort! + +Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand. + +Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare. + +This is what Mr. Pike read: + + My very good friend: + + I have protected you, not because you deserve protection, but because I + like you very much. You must not come to the palace grounds again. They + are now under double guard and, if I attempted to meet you, no doubt a + whole company of our big soldiers would surround you and surely you + could not overcome so many powerful men. I am thinking only of your + safety. I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your danger is greater + than you can imagine. What more can I say, except that I shall always + remember you? Sincerely, + + K. + +Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter. + +"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit. + +"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly." + +That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier. + +Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall. + +She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned--and yet, if he _did_ come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time. + +She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed. + +Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia. + + + + +IX + +AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + +About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue. + +Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character. + +By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility. + +Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General. + +While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova. + +"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description." + +"Have you questioned Kalora again?" + +"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search." + +The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine. + +"It is in English; I read it badly." + +He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows: + + What is the great danger that threatens the American woman? It is + _obesity_. It is well known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women + in the United States are striving to reduce their weight. For all such + we have a message of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and she---- + +"The remainder is torn away," said Popova. + +The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked. + +"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud: + + To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan: + + When I began using your wonderful health-food I was a mere skeleton. I + have been living on it for three months and I have gained a pound a day. + Permit me to express the conviction that you are real benefactors to the + human race. Gratefully yours, + + OSCAR TILBURY, + Oakdale, Arkansas. + +"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?" + +"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary." + +"What country is this?" + +"America, the land of milk and honey." + +"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see--one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five--oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +_must_ be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning." + +Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity. + +"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her." + +"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy. + +"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?" + +"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up." + +"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations--and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition." + +When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room. + +Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine. + + + + +X + +ON THE WING + + +The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules. + +Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books. + +The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards. + +At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova--pshaw! + +She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view. + +"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter. + +"I shall not." + +Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey. + +Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman. + +Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna. + +Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled. + +Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets." + +At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier. + +The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer. + +Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day. + +She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species. + +When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World. + +From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy. + +She lingered in New York--more shopping. + +By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly. + + + + +XI + +AN OUTING--A REUNION + + +The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved. + +The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel. + +Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her. + +And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupe, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week. + +Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument. + +When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent. + +"You have been in America a long time?" she asked. + +"About three years." + +"You have met many people--that is, the important people?" + +"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be." + +"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name." + +"I'm afraid I haven't met him." + +"He is rather good-looking and has--well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red." + +"There are millions of red-haired young men in America." + +"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa--Pennsylvania, that's it." + +"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia." + +"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions." + +"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest." + +"He owns some sort of mills or factories--where they make steel." + +"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them." + +This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary. + +"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said. + +"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?" + +"At a garden party in Morovenia." + +"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington." + +"You are not displeased to find me here?" + +"Charmed--delighted." + +"And you will take me to the country club?" + +"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure." + +"I shall drop a note. Good-by." + +He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupe +and was driven away. + +That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked: + +"What shall I do?" + +"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?" + +"I do not." + +"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?" + +"Nothing of the sort." + +"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?" + +"Decidedly not." + +"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family." + +So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy. + +Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses! + +Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car. + +The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister--nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood. + +About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports--and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora? + +The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before. + +This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode. + +A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats. + +At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely. + +She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man--a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn. + +With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed: + +"Well, I'll be--" + +He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them. + +He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse. + + + + +XII + +THE GOVERNOR CABLES + + +"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?" + +And he was still holding her hand. + +"Yes--it is." + +"The Princess--ah--?" + +"Kalora." + +"_That's_ it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. _Kalora_--_Kalora_--I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?" + +"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come." + +"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?" + +"I forget--three months--four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?" + +"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?" + +"I will confess--the whole truth--since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but--your name--_please_ tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry." + +"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat." + +"Why, of course, _Pike, Pike_--it is the name of a fish." + +"Thank you." + +The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel. + +His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking. + +Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her. + +They sat and talked for an hour--sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia. + +"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day." + +"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom--so many liberties." + +"And what we don't give them, they take--which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me." + +"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!" + +"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life." + +"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he--" + +She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes. + +"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree--well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well--don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you--I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest." + +"I'm glad--you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes. + +"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me." + +He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere. + +The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans. + +After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner. + +"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall." + +"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position." + +An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia--long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately--not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message. + +Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey. + +The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night. + +[Illustration: They were to come home with all speed.] + +Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever. + +She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club. + +She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia. + + + + +XIII + +THE HOME-COMING + + +The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding--the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind. + +He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window. + +Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse! + +He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily: + +"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?" + +While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled! + +The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis. + +"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova. + +[Illustration: Popsy.] + +"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?" + +"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again." + +"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here--all of you--and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!" + +"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!" + +"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial--one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"--turning upon the old tutor--"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!" + +That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir--quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue. + +The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General. + + + + +XIV + +HEROISM REWARDED + + +A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water. + +Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant. + +She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit. + +The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General. + +Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note. + +"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note." + +A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows: + + You don't know me and there is no need to give my name. Must see you + on important matter of business. Something in regard to your daughter. + +"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!" + +"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character." + +"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order." + +A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit--a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn. + +"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter." + +"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly. + +"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I--" + +"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,--which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day." + +"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter--and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter--what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this." + +"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?" + +"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it." + +"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?" + +"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American." + +"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies." + +"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country." + +"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?" + +"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars." + +"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?" + +"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all." + +"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?" + +"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you _would_ have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right." + +"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal." + +"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly. + +"Really!" + +"I am a Knight Templar." + +"A knight? That is certainly something." + +"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine." + +"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly. + +"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos." + +"A king?" + +"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her." + +"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes." + +"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand." + +"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor." + +"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of _your_ country and disregard +the customs of _my_ country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she _does_ +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency." + +The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it. + +"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here." + +He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether-- + +He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon--an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness. + +"I--I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder. + +She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said: + +"I am very glad to meet you." + +Then there was a pause. + +"Won't you be seated?" he asked. + +She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause. + +"I--I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him. + +"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you." + +"You flatter me," she said softly. + +"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as--as--corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it--that is, are +you any plumper than the average?" + +"I have been told that I am." + +"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?" + +"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised. + +"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"--and he stood in front of +her,--"and try to touch the floor with your fingers--so!"--illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down----" + +She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger. + +"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. + +"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds." + +"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded. + +"_I_ didn't come to see _you_." + +"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you." + +"Sent _you_," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see _you_." + +As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly. + +"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end." + +A servant appeared in the doorway. + +"Show this person out," said the portly princess. + +The servant gave a little scream. + +"Mr. Pike!" + +"Kalora!" + +And then he was holding both her hands. + +"You are _here_--here in Morovenia? You came all the way?" + +"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started--got +in here last night." + +"But why did you come?" + +[Illustration: "Mr. Pike!" "Kalora!"] + +"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike wasted no time in circumlocution. + +During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream. + +"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible----" + +"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting----" + +Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law. + +"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for." + +At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech. + +"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy----" + +"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one." + +"_Find_ some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly. + +"_Find_ some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that----" + +Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son." + +Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova. + +Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals. + +"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic. + +"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids." + +"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm. + +"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova." + +"Good! His punishment shall be--permanent exile." + +"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing--in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +_Washington_! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles--all the pickles I want to eat!" + +"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly. + +"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279.txt or 11279.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2cb7d98 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #11279 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/11279) diff --git a/old/11279-8.txt b/old/11279-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..715af0f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11279-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3223 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: I consented to deliver a message for him] + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + +_By_ GEORGE ADE + + +1907 + + * * * * * + +"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in _The Saturday Evening Post_ of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company. + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + + I WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + II KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + III THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + IV THE GARDEN PARTY + + V HE ARRIVES + + VI HE DEPARTS + + VII THE ONLY KOLDO + +VIII BY MESSENGER + + IX AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + X ON THE WING + + XI AN OUTING--A REUNION + + XII THE GOVERNOR CABLES + +XIII THE HOME-COMING + + XIV HEROISM REWARDED + + * * * * * + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + + + +I + +WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + +Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European. + +The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man. + +The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman. + +In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it. + +Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf. + +She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinée. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafés. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex! + +Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago. + +Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible. + + + + +II + +KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + +If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. + +The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor. + +The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes. + +It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere. + +Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin. + +Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form. + +No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her. + +In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character. + +Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem. + +Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat. + +Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." + +In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult. + +Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian." + +It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. + + + + +III + +THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + +If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away. + +In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way. + +As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention. + +In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness. + +Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions. + +It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds. + +[Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] + +[Blank Page] + +These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage. + +Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." + +The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection. + +Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face. + +Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ slender." + +Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." + +And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle. + + + + +IV + +THE GARDEN PARTY + + +Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married." + +He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings." + +This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. + +It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage. + +"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty--the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one +would be sufficient--one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" + +He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying. + +He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship. + +Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. + +The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams. + +On the morning of the day set apart for the début of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions. + +"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began. + +"Slender," she corrected. + +"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane--a mere shadow of a girl--and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare." + +"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball." + +"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint--Allah preserve me from such women!" + +"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?" + +"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency." + +"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and--who knows?--perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me--buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter. + +"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon." + +Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him. + +To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines. + +First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British. + +While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions. + +Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music. + +Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye. + +Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor. + +"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?" + +"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy _you_!" + +"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?" + +"I tolerate him." + +"Does he ever scold you for being thin?" + +"Does he _what_?" + +"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and--and--pulpy?" + +"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and--pulpy." + +"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?" + +"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant." + +"Bant?" + +"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable." + +Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman. + +"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat--I +am slim--quite slim." + +And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows: + +At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp. + +They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking. + +Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister. + +"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely. + +To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora--a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes. + +They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest. + +Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse. + +"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then--" + +Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets. + +"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger. + +"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them." + +"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us." + +Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried _her_ to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife. + +Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter. + +If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud. + +She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors. + +"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I _am_ thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds." + +She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her. + +"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!" + +"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! _Look_!" + +With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure. + +What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified--first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing. + + + + +V + +HE ARRIVES + + +Kalora was alone. + +After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land. + +The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter. + +"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident." + +"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me." + +"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you." + +"Not in Morovenia." + +"Why remain in Morovenia?" + +"We are not permitted to travel." + +"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?" + +"Oh, to travel--to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or--" she paused and gave a little gasp--"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should--should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and--" + +"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny." + +"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife. + +"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed--a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty--the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat." + +"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me." + +"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride. + +Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her. + +"How do you do?" came a voice. + +She was startled and looked about, but saw no one. + +"Up here!" came the voice again. + +She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed. + +[Illustration: "Up here!" came the voice again] + +He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen. + +"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly. + +"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them." + +"Were you invited?" + +"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out--seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding." + +"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?" + +"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?" + +"I'm afraid not." + +"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?" + +"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely. + +"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +_could_ say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you." + +Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her. + +"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially--ah--Christians." + +"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on _The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer_, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow." + +Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger. + +"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked. + +"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?" + +"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be." + +"And father?" + +"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia." + +"Wow! And you?" + +"I am his daughter." + +"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?" + +"I am called Princess." + +"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin." + +"I don't know what you mean," she said. + +"A corker." + +"Corker?" + +"I mean that you're a good-looker--that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut." + +[Illustration: "Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?"] + +Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex. + +She reasoned thus with herself: + +"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?" + +Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania. + +"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked. + +"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open." + +"You have seen many women in many countries?" + +"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it." + +"Then you know what constitutes beauty?" + +"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel--you +know, stood _bent_ all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!" + +"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?" + +"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender--" + +"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him. + +"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and--Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean." + +He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic. + +"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked. + +"These are about the limit." + +"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?" + +"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf--why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?" + +"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat." + +"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?" + +"Duck?" + +"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean--away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night--_Bill Bailey_! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral." + +Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights. + +"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away--to the west." + +"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred." + +"I should like to go, but--Look! Hurry, please! You must go!" + +She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. + +"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them. + +"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! _Run_! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison--perhaps worse." + +"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some." + +When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph. + + + + +VI + +HE DEPARTS + + +And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data. + +When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team. + +While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest. + +Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw. + +While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly. + +He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two. + +The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing. + +Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall. + +Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick? + +Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest. + +Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity. + +Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax. + +He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength. + +"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General. + +"By jumping over the wall." + +"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General. + +"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet." + +"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!" + +Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent. + +This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence. + +A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life. + +No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him. + +Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls. + +Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message. + + + + +VII + +THE ONLY KOLDO + + +Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote. + +He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth. + +He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly. + +Of one thing he was certain--it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,--these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case--he whistled +softly. + +Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager. + +One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective. + +If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference. + +The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding. + +"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo. + +"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry." + +"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova--this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family." + +Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance. + +"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial. + +The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city." + +"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow. + +The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican. + +"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large--black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything--long mustache, also black--wears much +jewelry--speaks with a marked German accent--wears a suit of Scotch +plaid--heavy military boots." + +Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair. + +"How--ah--where did you get this description?" he asked gently. + +"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range." + +"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager. + +"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone. + +"An excellent plan," assented the manager. + +"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"--to the head of the +secret service. + +"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data--already I am planning my campaign." + +"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles." + +"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily. + +"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner." + +The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way. + +The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment. + +"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight." + +He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed. + +"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat--ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?" + +The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed. + +Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators. + +"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace." + +"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation. + +"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy." + +"The what?" + +"The squidge--that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?" + +"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric. + +"Into the bar--down at the little iron table--business of hoisting +beverage." + +"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol." + +"I'm not _supposed_ to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes." + +There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York. + +"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails--that is, if you like the taste +of _eau de quinine_. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes." + +The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head. + +"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself." + +Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam. + +"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages." + +Popova sipped conservatively. + +"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order." + +The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling. + +It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe. + + + + +VIII + +BY MESSENGER + + +On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision. + +Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives. + +During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police. + +Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return--that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again. + +In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed--not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day. + +While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something. + +"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the--the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply--deeply," +he began. + +"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister." + +She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice. + +"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you--" + +"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me--the stranger--you know, the one in +the garden--has he been taken?" inquired the Princess. + +"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue--not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I--I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics--I--he--never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him." + +Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova. + +"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly. + +"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter." + +He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it. + +"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual--" + +But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows: + + MY DEAR PRINCESS: + + I hope that's the way to begin. Something tells me that you would not + stand for "Your Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" trimmings. + + Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just had a talk with the + eminent plain-clothes man who is looking for the burglar that broke into + the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. He read to me the + description. Say, if I tried to write at this minute all of my present + emotions concerning you, I would burn holes in the paper. When it comes + to turning out fiction, Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, + when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel this evening, I figured it a + toss-up whether I should ever see home and mother again. + + I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am for you and I want to see you + again and tell you right to your face what I think of you. If you will + sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I + will come over the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. I know + that this method of becoming acquainted with young women is not indorsed + by the _Ladies_' _Home Journal_ or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly as I + can find out, there is no other way in which I can get into society over + here. + + So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, don't give them a + thought. I have met, the great Koldo, and he won't know until about next + Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The professor has promised to bring a + reply to the hotel. He is not on. + + Sincerely, + YOUR GERMAN FRIEND. + + +She read it all and found herself gasping--surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment. + +"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present. + +"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant. + +"I tell you he is a fool--a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make. + +"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents--" + +"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter. + +The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of--of seeing her again! + +"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova. + +"Oh, I _must_--I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?" + +"Possibly." + +"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour--deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else." + +Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort! + +Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand. + +Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare. + +This is what Mr. Pike read: + + My very good friend: + + I have protected you, not because you deserve protection, but because I + like you very much. You must not come to the palace grounds again. They + are now under double guard and, if I attempted to meet you, no doubt a + whole company of our big soldiers would surround you and surely you + could not overcome so many powerful men. I am thinking only of your + safety. I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your danger is greater + than you can imagine. What more can I say, except that I shall always + remember you? Sincerely, + + K. + +Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter. + +"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit. + +"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly." + +That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier. + +Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall. + +She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned--and yet, if he _did_ come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time. + +She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed. + +Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia. + + + + +IX + +AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + +About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue. + +Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character. + +By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility. + +Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General. + +While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova. + +"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description." + +"Have you questioned Kalora again?" + +"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search." + +The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine. + +"It is in English; I read it badly." + +He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows: + + What is the great danger that threatens the American woman? It is + _obesity_. It is well known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women + in the United States are striving to reduce their weight. For all such + we have a message of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and she---- + +"The remainder is torn away," said Popova. + +The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked. + +"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud: + + To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan: + + When I began using your wonderful health-food I was a mere skeleton. I + have been living on it for three months and I have gained a pound a day. + Permit me to express the conviction that you are real benefactors to the + human race. Gratefully yours, + + OSCAR TILBURY, + Oakdale, Arkansas. + +"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?" + +"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary." + +"What country is this?" + +"America, the land of milk and honey." + +"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see--one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five--oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +_must_ be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning." + +Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity. + +"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her." + +"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy. + +"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?" + +"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up." + +"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations--and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition." + +When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room. + +Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine. + + + + +X + +ON THE WING + + +The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules. + +Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books. + +The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards. + +At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova--pshaw! + +She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view. + +"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter. + +"I shall not." + +Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey. + +Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman. + +Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna. + +Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled. + +Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets." + +At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier. + +The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer. + +Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day. + +She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species. + +When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World. + +From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy. + +She lingered in New York--more shopping. + +By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly. + + + + +XI + +AN OUTING--A REUNION + + +The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved. + +The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel. + +Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her. + +And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupé, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week. + +Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument. + +When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent. + +"You have been in America a long time?" she asked. + +"About three years." + +"You have met many people--that is, the important people?" + +"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be." + +"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name." + +"I'm afraid I haven't met him." + +"He is rather good-looking and has--well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red." + +"There are millions of red-haired young men in America." + +"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa--Pennsylvania, that's it." + +"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia." + +"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions." + +"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest." + +"He owns some sort of mills or factories--where they make steel." + +"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them." + +This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary. + +"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said. + +"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?" + +"At a garden party in Morovenia." + +"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington." + +"You are not displeased to find me here?" + +"Charmed--delighted." + +"And you will take me to the country club?" + +"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure." + +"I shall drop a note. Good-by." + +He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupé +and was driven away. + +That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked: + +"What shall I do?" + +"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?" + +"I do not." + +"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?" + +"Nothing of the sort." + +"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?" + +"Decidedly not." + +"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family." + +So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy. + +Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses! + +Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car. + +The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister--nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood. + +About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports--and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora? + +The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before. + +This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode. + +A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats. + +At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely. + +She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man--a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn. + +With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed: + +"Well, I'll be--" + +He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them. + +He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse. + + + + +XII + +THE GOVERNOR CABLES + + +"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?" + +And he was still holding her hand. + +"Yes--it is." + +"The Princess--ah--?" + +"Kalora." + +"_That's_ it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. _Kalora_--_Kalora_--I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?" + +"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come." + +"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?" + +"I forget--three months--four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?" + +"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?" + +"I will confess--the whole truth--since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but--your name--_please_ tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry." + +"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat." + +"Why, of course, _Pike, Pike_--it is the name of a fish." + +"Thank you." + +The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel. + +His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking. + +Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her. + +They sat and talked for an hour--sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia. + +"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day." + +"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom--so many liberties." + +"And what we don't give them, they take--which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me." + +"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!" + +"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life." + +"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he--" + +She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes. + +"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree--well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well--don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you--I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest." + +"I'm glad--you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes. + +"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me." + +He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere. + +The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans. + +After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner. + +"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall." + +"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position." + +An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia--long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately--not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message. + +Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey. + +The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night. + +[Illustration: They were to come home with all speed.] + +Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever. + +She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club. + +She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia. + + + + +XIII + +THE HOME-COMING + + +The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding--the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind. + +He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window. + +Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse! + +He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily: + +"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?" + +While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled! + +The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis. + +"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova. + +[Illustration: Popsy.] + +"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?" + +"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again." + +"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here--all of you--and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!" + +"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!" + +"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial--one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"--turning upon the old tutor--"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!" + +That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir--quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue. + +The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General. + + + + +XIV + +HEROISM REWARDED + + +A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water. + +Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant. + +She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit. + +The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General. + +Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note. + +"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note." + +A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows: + + You don't know me and there is no need to give my name. Must see you + on important matter of business. Something in regard to your daughter. + +"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!" + +"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character." + +"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order." + +A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit--a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn. + +"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter." + +"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly. + +"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I--" + +"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,--which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day." + +"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter--and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter--what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this." + +"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?" + +"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it." + +"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?" + +"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American." + +"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies." + +"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country." + +"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?" + +"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars." + +"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?" + +"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all." + +"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?" + +"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you _would_ have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right." + +"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal." + +"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly. + +"Really!" + +"I am a Knight Templar." + +"A knight? That is certainly something." + +"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine." + +"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly. + +"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos." + +"A king?" + +"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her." + +"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes." + +"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand." + +"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor." + +"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of _your_ country and disregard +the customs of _my_ country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she _does_ +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency." + +The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it. + +"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here." + +He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether-- + +He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon--an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness. + +"I--I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder. + +She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said: + +"I am very glad to meet you." + +Then there was a pause. + +"Won't you be seated?" he asked. + +She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause. + +"I--I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him. + +"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you." + +"You flatter me," she said softly. + +"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as--as--corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it--that is, are +you any plumper than the average?" + +"I have been told that I am." + +"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?" + +"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised. + +"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"--and he stood in front of +her,--"and try to touch the floor with your fingers--so!"--illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down----" + +She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger. + +"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. + +"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds." + +"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded. + +"_I_ didn't come to see _you_." + +"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you." + +"Sent _you_," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see _you_." + +As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly. + +"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end." + +A servant appeared in the doorway. + +"Show this person out," said the portly princess. + +The servant gave a little scream. + +"Mr. Pike!" + +"Kalora!" + +And then he was holding both her hands. + +"You are _here_--here in Morovenia? You came all the way?" + +"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started--got +in here last night." + +"But why did you come?" + +[Illustration: "Mr. Pike!" "Kalora!"] + +"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike wasted no time in circumlocution. + +During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream. + +"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible----" + +"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting----" + +Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law. + +"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for." + +At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech. + +"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy----" + +"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one." + +"_Find_ some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly. + +"_Find_ some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that----" + +Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son." + +Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova. + +Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals. + +"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic. + +"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids." + +"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm. + +"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova." + +"Good! His punishment shall be--permanent exile." + +"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing--in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +_Washington_! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles--all the pickles I want to eat!" + +"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly. + +"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279-8.txt or 11279-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="001.png"><img width="100%" src="001.png" +alt="I consented to deliver a message for him" /></a> +<p>I consented to deliver a message for him</p> + </div> + + + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> +<h1> +THE SLIM PRINCESS</h1> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<center><b>By GEORGE ADE</b></center> + +<p>1907</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<p>"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in <i>The Saturday Evening Post</i> of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + + +<a name="contents"></a><h2>CONTENTS</h2> + + <a href="#I"><b>I</b></a> WOMAN IN MOROVENIA<br> + <a href="#II"><b>II</b></a> KALORA'S AFFLICTION<br> + <a href="#III"><b>III</b></a> THE CRUELTY OF LAW<br> + <a href="#IV"><b>IV</b></a> THE GARDEN PARTY<br> + <a href="#V"><b>V</b></a> HE ARRIVES<br> + <a href="#VI"><b>VI</b></a> HE DEPARTS<br> + <a href="#VII"><b>VII</b></a> THE ONLY KOLDO<br> + <a href="#VIII"><b>VIII</b></a> BY MESSENGER<br> + <a href="#IX"><b>IX</b></a> AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C.<br> + <a href="#X"><b>X</b></a> ON THE WING<br> + <a href="#XI"><b>XI</b></a> AN OUTING—A REUNION<br> + <a href="#XII"><b>XII</b></a> THE GOVERNOR CABLES<br> + <a href="#XIII"><b>XIII</b></a> THE HOME-COMING<br> + <a href="#XIV"><b>XIV</b></a> HEROISM REWARDED<br> + + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<h1>THE SLIM PRINCESS</h1> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"> + +<a name="I"></a><h2>I</h2> + +<h3>WOMAN IN MOROVENIA</h3> + + +<p>Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European.</p> + +<p>The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man.</p> + +<p>The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it.</p> + +<p>Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf.</p> + +<p>She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinée. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafés. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex!</p> + +<p>Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago.</p> + +<p>Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful—that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="II"></a><h2>II</h2> + +<h3>KALORA'S AFFLICTION</h3> + + +<p>If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race.</p> + +<p>The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor.</p> + +<p>The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes.</p> + +<p>It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere.</p> + +<p>Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin.</p> + +<p>Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form.</p> + +<p>No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her.</p> + +<p>In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character.</p> + +<p>Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem.</p> + +<p>Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat.</p> + +<p>Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog."</p> + +<p>In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult.</p> + +<p>Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian."</p> + +<p>It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="III"></a><h2>III</h2> + +<h3>THE CRUELTY OF LAW</h3> + + +<p>If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way.</p> + +<p>As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention.</p> + +<p>In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen—still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions.</p> + +<p>It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds.</p> + + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="020.png"><img width="100%" src="020.png" +alt="Papova rejoiced greatly" /></a> +<p>Papova rejoiced greatly</p> + </div> + +<p>These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage.</p> + +<p>Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"—that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem."</p> + +<p>The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection.</p> + +<p>Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face.</p> + +<p>Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she <i>is</i> slender."</p> + +<p>Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling."</p> + +<p>And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="IV"></a><h2>IV</h2> + +<h3>THE GARDEN PARTY</h3> + + +<p>Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation—the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married."</p> + +<p>He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings."</p> + +<p>This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain.</p> + +<p>It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage.</p> + +<p>"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty—the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one—one +would be sufficient—one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how—how?"</p> + +<p>He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying.</p> + +<p>He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship.</p> + +<p>Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments.</p> + +<p>The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams.</p> + +<p>On the morning of the day set apart for the début of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions.</p> + +<p>"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began.</p> + +<p>"Slender," she corrected.</p> + +<p>"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane—a mere shadow of a girl—and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare."</p> + +<p>"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball."</p> + +<p>"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint—Allah preserve me from such women!"</p> + +<p>"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?"</p> + +<p>"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency."</p> + +<p>"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and—who knows?—perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me—buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter.</p> + +<p>"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon."</p> + +<p>Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him.</p> + +<p>To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines.</p> + +<p>First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British.</p> + +<p>While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions.</p> + +<p>Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music.</p> + +<p>Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor.</p> + +<p>"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy <i>you</i>!"</p> + +<p>"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?"</p> + +<p>"I tolerate him."</p> + +<p>"Does he ever scold you for being thin?"</p> + +<p>"Does he <i>what</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and—and—pulpy?"</p> + +<p>"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and—pulpy."</p> + +<p>"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?"</p> + +<p>"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant."</p> + +<p>"Bant?"</p> + +<p>"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable."</p> + +<p>Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman.</p> + +<p>"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat—I +am slim—quite slim."</p> + +<p>And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows:</p> + +<p>At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp.</p> + +<p>They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking.</p> + +<p>Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister.</p> + +<p>"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely.</p> + +<p>To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora—a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes.</p> + +<p>They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse.</p> + +<p>"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then—"</p> + +<p>Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger.</p> + +<p>"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them."</p> + +<p>"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us."</p> + +<p>Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried <i>her</i> to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife.</p> + +<p>Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter.</p> + +<p>If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud.</p> + +<p>She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors.</p> + +<p>"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I <i>am</i> thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds."</p> + +<p>She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her.</p> + +<p>"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! <i>Look</i>!"</p> + +<p>With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure.</p> + +<p>What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified—first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="V"></a><h2>V</h2> + +<h3>HE ARRIVES</h3> + + +<p>Kalora was alone.</p> + +<p>After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land.</p> + +<p>The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter.</p> + +<p>"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me."</p> + +<p>"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you."</p> + +<p>"Not in Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Why remain in Morovenia?"</p> + +<p>"We are not permitted to travel."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, to travel—to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or—" she paused and gave a little gasp—"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should—should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny."</p> + +<p>"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife.</p> + +<p>"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed—a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty—the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat."</p> + +<p>"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me."</p> + +<p>"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by."</p> + +<p>"Good-by."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride.</p> + +<p>Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her.</p> + +<p>"How do you do?" came a voice.</p> + +<p>She was startled and looked about, but saw no one.</p> + +<p>"Up here!" came the voice again.</p> + +<p>She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="052.png"><img width="100%" src="052.png" +alt="'Up here! came the voice again'" /></a> +<p>'Up here! came the voice again'</p> + </div> + +<p>He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly.</p> + +<p>"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them."</p> + +<p>"Were you invited?"</p> + +<p>"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out—seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding."</p> + +<p>"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?"</p> + +<p>"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid not."</p> + +<p>"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?"</p> + +<p>"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely.</p> + +<p>"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +<i>could</i> say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you."</p> + +<p>Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially—ah—Christians."</p> + +<p>"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on <i>The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer</i>, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow."</p> + +<p>Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger.</p> + +<p>"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?"</p> + +<p>"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be."</p> + +<p>"And father?"</p> + +<p>"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Wow! And you?"</p> + +<p>"I am his daughter."</p> + +<p>"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?"</p> + +<p>"I am called Princess."</p> + +<p>"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin."</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean," she said.</p> + +<p>"A corker."</p> + +<p>"Corker?"</p> + +<p>"I mean that you're a good-looker—that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut."</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="060.png"><img width="100%" src="060.png" +alt="'Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?'" /></a> +<p>Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?</p> + </div> + + + +<p>Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex.</p> + +<p>She reasoned thus with herself:</p> + +<p>"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?"</p> + +<p>Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania.</p> + +<p>"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open."</p> + +<p>"You have seen many women in many countries?"</p> + +<p>"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it."</p> + +<p>"Then you know what constitutes beauty?"</p> + +<p>"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel—you +know, stood <i>bent</i> all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!"</p> + +<p>"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender—"</p> + +<p>"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him.</p> + +<p>"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and—Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean."</p> + +<p>He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic.</p> + +<p>"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"These are about the limit."</p> + +<p>"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?"</p> + +<p>"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf—why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingénue, or a kidder?"</p> + +<p>"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat."</p> + +<p>"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?"</p> + +<p>"Duck?"</p> + +<p>"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean—away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night—<i>Bill Bailey</i>! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral."</p> + +<p>Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights.</p> + +<p>"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away—to the west."</p> + +<p>"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred."</p> + +<p>"I should like to go, but—Look! Hurry, please! You must go!"</p> + +<p>She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement.</p> + +<p>"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them.</p> + +<p>"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! <i>Run</i>! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison—perhaps worse."</p> + +<p>"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some."</p> + +<p>When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VI"></a><h2>VI</h2> + +<h3>HE DEPARTS</h3> + + +<p>And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data.</p> + +<p>When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team.</p> + +<p>While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest.</p> + +<p>Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw.</p> + +<p>While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly.</p> + +<p>He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two.</p> + +<p>The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall.</p> + +<p>Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick?</p> + +<p>Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest.</p> + +<p>Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax.</p> + +<p>He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength.</p> + +<p>"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General.</p> + +<p>"By jumping over the wall."</p> + +<p>"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General.</p> + +<p>"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet."</p> + +<p>"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!"</p> + +<p>Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent.</p> + +<p>This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence.</p> + +<p>A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life.</p> + +<p>No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him.</p> + +<p>Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls.</p> + +<p>Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VII"></a><h2>VII</h2> + +<h3>THE ONLY KOLDO</h3> + + +<p>Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote.</p> + +<p>He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth.</p> + +<p>He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly.</p> + +<p>Of one thing he was certain—it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,—these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case—he whistled +softly.</p> + +<p>Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager.</p> + +<p>One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective.</p> + +<p>If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference.</p> + +<p>The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding.</p> + +<p>"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo.</p> + +<p>"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry."</p> + +<p>"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova—this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family."</p> + +<p>Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance.</p> + +<p>"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial.</p> + +<p>The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city."</p> + +<p>"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow.</p> + +<p>The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican.</p> + +<p>"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large—black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything—long mustache, also black—wears much +jewelry—speaks with a marked German accent—wears a suit of Scotch +plaid—heavy military boots."</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair.</p> + +<p>"How—ah—where did you get this description?" he asked gently.</p> + +<p>"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range."</p> + +<p>"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager.</p> + +<p>"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone.</p> + +<p>"An excellent plan," assented the manager.</p> + +<p>"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"—to the head of the +secret service.</p> + +<p>"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data—already I am planning my campaign."</p> + +<p>"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles."</p> + +<p>"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily.</p> + +<p>"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner."</p> + +<p>The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way.</p> + +<p>The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment.</p> + +<p>"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight."</p> + +<p>He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed.</p> + +<p>"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat—ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?"</p> + +<p>The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators.</p> + +<p>"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace."</p> + +<p>"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation.</p> + +<p>"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy."</p> + +<p>"The what?"</p> + +<p>"The squidge—that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?"</p> + +<p>"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric.</p> + +<p>"Into the bar—down at the little iron table—business of hoisting +beverage."</p> + +<p>"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol."</p> + +<p>"I'm not <i>supposed</i> to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes."</p> + +<p>There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York.</p> + +<p>"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails—that is, if you like the taste +of <i>eau de quinine</i>. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes."</p> + +<p>The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself."</p> + +<p>Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam.</p> + +<p>"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages."</p> + +<p>Popova sipped conservatively.</p> + +<p>"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order."</p> + +<p>The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling.</p> + +<p>It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="VIII"></a><h2>VIII</h2> + +<h3>BY MESSENGER</h3> + + +<p>On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision.</p> + +<p>Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives.</p> + +<p>During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police.</p> + +<p>Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return—that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again.</p> + +<p>In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed—not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day.</p> + +<p>While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something.</p> + +<p>"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the—the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply—deeply," +he began.</p> + +<p>"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister."</p> + +<p>She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice.</p> + +<p>"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you—"</p> + +<p>"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me—the stranger—you know, the one in +the garden—has he been taken?" inquired the Princess.</p> + +<p>"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue—not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I—I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics—I—he—never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him."</p> + +<p>Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova.</p> + +<p>"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly.</p> + +<p>"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter."</p> + +<p>He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it.</p> + +<p>"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual—"</p> + +<p>But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows:</p> + +<p>MY DEAR PRINCESS:</p> +<p> +I hope that's the way to begin. Something +tells me that you would not stand for "Your +Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" +trimmings.</p> +<p> +Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just +had a talk with the eminent plain-clothes man +who is looking for the burglar that broke into +the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. +He read to me the description. Say, if I tried +to write at this minute all of my present emotions +concerning you, I would burn holes in +the paper. When it comes to turning out fiction, +Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, +when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel +this evening, I figured it a toss-up whether I +should ever see home and mother again.</p> +<p> +I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am +for you and I want to see you again and tell you +right to your face what I think of you. If you +will sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 +p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I will come over +the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. +I know that this method of becoming acquainted +with young women is not indorsed by the <i>Ladies</i>' +<i>Home Journal</i> or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly +as I can find out, there is no other way in +which I can get into society over here.</p> +<p> +So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, +don't give them a thought. I have met, +the great Koldo, and he won't know until about +next Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The +professor has promised to bring a reply to the +hotel. He is not on.</p> +<p> +Sincerely,<br> +YOUR GERMAN FRIEND.</p> + +<p>She read it all and found herself gasping—surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment.</p> + +<p>"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present.</p> + +<p>"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant.</p> + +<p>"I tell you he is a fool—a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make.</p> + +<p>"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents—"</p> + +<p>"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter.</p> + +<p>The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of—of seeing her again!</p> + +<p>"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I <i>must</i>—I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly."</p> + +<p>"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour—deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else."</p> + +<p>Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort!</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand.</p> + +<p>Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare.</p> + +<p>This is what Mr. Pike read:</p> + +<p> +My very good friend:</p> +<p> +I have protected you, not because you deserve +protection, but because I like you very much. +You must not come to the palace grounds again. +They are now under double guard and, if I attempted +to meet you, no doubt a whole company +of our big soldiers would surround you and +surely you could not overcome so many powerful +men. I am thinking only of your safety. +I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your +danger is greater than you can imagine. What +more can I say, except that I shall always remember +you? Sincerely,</p> +<p> +K.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter.</p> + +<p>"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit.</p> + +<p>"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly."</p> + +<p>That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier.</p> + +<p>Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall.</p> + +<p>She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned—and yet, if he <i>did</i> come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time.</p> + +<p>She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed.</p> + +<p>Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="IX"></a><h2>IX</h2> + +<h3>AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C.</h3> + + +<p>About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue.</p> + +<p>Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character.</p> + +<p>By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility.</p> + +<p>Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General.</p> + +<p>While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova.</p> + +<p>"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description."</p> + +<p>"Have you questioned Kalora again?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search."</p> + +<p>The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine.</p> + +<p>"It is in English; I read it badly."</p> + +<p>He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows:</p> +<p> +What is the great danger that threatens the +American woman? It is <i>obesity</i>. It is well +known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women +in the United States are striving to reduce +their weight. For all such we have a message +of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and +she——</p> + +<p>"The remainder is torn away," said Popova.</p> + +<p>The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked.</p> + +<p>"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud:</p> +<p> +To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan:</p> +<p> +When I began using your wonderful health-food +I was a mere skeleton. I have been living +on it for three months and I have gained a +pound a day. Permit me to express the conviction +that you are real benefactors to the human +race. Gratefully yours,</p> +<p> +OSCAR TILBURY,<br> +Oakdale, Arkansas.</p> + +<p>"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?"</p> + +<p>"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary."</p> + +<p>"What country is this?"</p> + +<p>"America, the land of milk and honey."</p> + +<p>"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see—one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five—oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +<i>must</i> be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning."</p> + +<p>Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity.</p> + +<p>"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her."</p> + +<p>"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy.</p> + +<p>"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?"</p> + +<p>"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up."</p> + +<p>"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations—and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition."</p> + +<p>When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room.</p> + +<p>Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="X"></a><h2>X</h2> + +<h3>ON THE WING</h3> + + +<p>The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules.</p> + +<p>Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books.</p> + +<p>The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards.</p> + +<p>At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova—pshaw!</p> + +<p>She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view.</p> + +<p>"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter.</p> + +<p>"I shall not."</p> + +<p>Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey.</p> + +<p>Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman.</p> + +<p>Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna.</p> + +<p>Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled.</p> + +<p>Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets."</p> + +<p>At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier.</p> + +<p>The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer.</p> + +<p>Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day.</p> + +<p>She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species.</p> + +<p>When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World.</p> + +<p>From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy.</p> + +<p>She lingered in New York—more shopping.</p> + +<p>By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XI"></a><h2>XI</h2> + +<h3>AN OUTING—A REUNION</h3> + + +<p>The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved.</p> + +<p>The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel.</p> + +<p>Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her.</p> + +<p>And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupé, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week.</p> + +<p>Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument.</p> + +<p>When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent.</p> + +<p>"You have been in America a long time?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"About three years."</p> + +<p>"You have met many people—that is, the important people?"</p> + +<p>"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be."</p> + +<p>"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name."</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I haven't met him."</p> + +<p>"He is rather good-looking and has—well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red."</p> + +<p>"There are millions of red-haired young men in America."</p> + +<p>"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa—Pennsylvania, that's it."</p> + +<p>"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions."</p> + +<p>"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest."</p> + +<p>"He owns some sort of mills or factories—where they make steel."</p> + +<p>"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them."</p> + +<p>This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary.</p> + +<p>"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said.</p> + +<p>"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?"</p> + +<p>"At a garden party in Morovenia."</p> + +<p>"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington."</p> + +<p>"You are not displeased to find me here?"</p> + +<p>"Charmed—delighted."</p> + +<p>"And you will take me to the country club?"</p> + +<p>"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure."</p> + +<p>"I shall drop a note. Good-by."</p> + +<p>He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupé +and was driven away.</p> + +<p>That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked:</p> + +<p>"What shall I do?"</p> + +<p>"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?"</p> + +<p>"I do not."</p> + +<p>"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing of the sort."</p> + +<p>"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?"</p> + +<p>"Decidedly not."</p> + +<p>"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family."</p> + +<p>So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy.</p> + +<p>Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses!</p> + +<p>Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car.</p> + +<p>The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister—nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood.</p> + +<p>About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports—and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora?</p> + +<p>The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before.</p> + +<p>This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode.</p> + +<p>A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats.</p> + +<p>At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely.</p> + +<p>She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man—a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn.</p> + +<p>With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Well, I'll be—"</p> + +<p>He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them.</p> + +<p>He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XII"></a><h2>XII</h2> + +<h3>THE GOVERNOR CABLES</h3> + + +<p>"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?"</p> + +<p>And he was still holding her hand.</p> + +<p>"Yes—it is."</p> + +<p>"The Princess—ah—?"</p> + +<p>"Kalora."</p> + +<p>"<i>That's</i> it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. <i>Kalora</i>—<i>Kalora</i>—I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?"</p> + +<p>"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come."</p> + +<p>"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?"</p> + +<p>"I forget—three months—four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?"</p> + +<p>"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?"</p> + +<p>"I will confess—the whole truth—since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but—your name—<i>please</i> tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry."</p> + +<p>"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat."</p> + +<p>"Why, of course, <i>Pike, Pike</i>—it is the name of a fish."</p> + +<p>"Thank you."</p> + +<p>The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel.</p> + +<p>His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her.</p> + +<p>They sat and talked for an hour—sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia.</p> + +<p>"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day."</p> + +<p>"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom—so many liberties."</p> + +<p>"And what we don't give them, they take—which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me."</p> + +<p>"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!"</p> + +<p>"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life."</p> + +<p>"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he—"</p> + +<p>She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes.</p> + +<p>"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree—well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well—don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you—I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad—you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes.</p> + +<p>"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me."</p> + +<p>He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere.</p> + +<p>The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans.</p> + +<p>After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner.</p> + +<p>"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall."</p> + +<p>"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position."</p> + +<p>An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia—long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately—not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message.</p> + +<p>Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey.</p> + +<p>The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="150.png"><img width="100%" src="150.png" +alt="They were to come home with all speed." /></a> +<p>They were to come home with all speed.</p> + </div> + + +<p>Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever.</p> + +<p>She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club.</p> + +<p>She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XIII"></a><h2>XIII</h2> + +<h3>THE HOME-COMING</h3> + + +<p>The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding—the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind.</p> + +<p>He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window.</p> + +<p>Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse!</p> + +<p>He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily:</p> + +<p>"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?"</p> + +<p>While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled!</p> + +<p>The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis.</p> + +<p>"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova.</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="156.png"><img width="100%" src="156.png" +alt="Popsy" /></a> +<p>Popsy</p> + </div> + +<p>"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?"</p> + +<p>"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again."</p> + +<p>"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here—all of you—and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!"</p> + +<p>"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!"</p> + +<p>"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial—one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"—turning upon the old tutor—"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!"</p> + +<p>That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir—quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue.</p> + +<p>The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<a name="XIV"></a><h2>XIV</h2> + +<h3>HEROISM REWARDED</h3> + + +<p>A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water.</p> + +<p>Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant.</p> + +<p>She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit.</p> + +<p>The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General.</p> + +<p>Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note.</p> + +<p>"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note."</p> + +<p>A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows:</p> +<p> +You don't know me and there is no need to +give my name. Must see you on important matter +of business. Something in regard to your +daughter.</p> + +<p>"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!"</p> + +<p>"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character."</p> + +<p>"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order."</p> + +<p>A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit—a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn.</p> + +<p>"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter."</p> + +<p>"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly.</p> + +<p>"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I—"</p> + +<p>"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,—which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day."</p> + +<p>"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter—and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter—what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this."</p> + +<p>"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?"</p> + +<p>"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it."</p> + +<p>"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?"</p> + +<p>"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American."</p> + +<p>"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies."</p> + +<p>"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country."</p> + +<p>"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?"</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars."</p> + +<p>"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?"</p> + +<p>"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all."</p> + +<p>"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?"</p> + +<p>"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you <i>would</i> have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right."</p> + +<p>"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal."</p> + +<p>"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly.</p> + +<p>"Really!"</p> + +<p>"I am a Knight Templar."</p> + +<p>"A knight? That is certainly something."</p> + +<p>"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine."</p> + +<p>"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly.</p> + +<p>"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos."</p> + +<p>"A king?"</p> + +<p>"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her."</p> + +<p>"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes."</p> + +<p>"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor."</p> + +<p>"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of <i>your</i> country and disregard +the customs of <i>my</i> country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she <i>does</i> +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency."</p> + +<p>The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it.</p> + +<p>"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here."</p> + +<p>He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether—</p> + +<p>He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon—an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness.</p> + +<p>"I—I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder.</p> + +<p>She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said:</p> + +<p>"I am very glad to meet you."</p> + +<p>Then there was a pause.</p> + +<p>"Won't you be seated?" he asked.</p> + +<p>She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause.</p> + +<p>"I—I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him.</p> + +<p>"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you."</p> + +<p>"You flatter me," she said softly.</p> + +<p>"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as—as—corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it—that is, are +you any plumper than the average?"</p> + +<p>"I have been told that I am."</p> + +<p>"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?"</p> + +<p>"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised.</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"—and he stood in front of +her,—"and try to touch the floor with your fingers—so!"—illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down——"</p> + +<p>She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger.</p> + +<p>"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds."</p> + +<p>"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> didn't come to see <i>you</i>."</p> + +<p>"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you."</p> + +<p>"Sent <i>you</i>," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see <i>you</i>."</p> + +<p>As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly.</p> + +<p>"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end."</p> + +<p>A servant appeared in the doorway.</p> + +<p>"Show this person out," said the portly princess.</p> + +<p>The servant gave a little scream.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Pike!"</p> + +<p>"Kalora!"</p> + +<p>And then he was holding both her hands.</p> + +<p>"You are <i>here</i>—here in Morovenia? You came all the way?"</p> + +<p>"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started—got +in here last night."</p> + +<p>"But why did you come?"</p> + +<div class="figure" style="width: 100%;"> + <a href="180.png"><img width="100%" src="180.png" +alt="'Mr. Pike!' 'Kalora!'" /></a> +<p>'Mr. Pike!' 'Kalora!'</p> + </div> + + +<p>"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike +wasted no time in circumlocution.</p> + +<p>During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream.</p> + +<p>"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible——"</p> + +<p>"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting——"</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law.</p> + +<p>"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for."</p> + +<p>At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy——"</p> + +<p>"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one."</p> + +<p>"<i>Find</i> some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly.</p> + +<p>"<i>Find</i> some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that——"</p> + +<p>Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son."</p> + +<p>Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova.</p> + +<p>Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals.</p> + +<p>"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority."</p> + +<p>"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike.</p> + +<p>"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic.</p> + +<p>"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids."</p> + +<p>"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova."</p> + +<p>"Good! His punishment shall be—permanent exile."</p> + +<p>"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing—in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +<i>Washington</i>! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles—all the pickles I want to eat!"</p> + +<p>"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly.</p> + +<p>"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds."</p> + +<p>"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike.</p> + +<p>That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months.</p> + +<p><b>THE END</b></p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279-h.htm or 11279-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Slim Princess + +Author: George Ade + +Release Date: February 25, 2004 [EBook #11279] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + + + + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: I consented to deliver a message for him] + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + +_By_ GEORGE ADE + + +1907 + + * * * * * + +"The Slim Princess" has been elaborated and rewritten from a story +printed in _The Saturday Evening Post_ of Philadelphia late in 1906 and +copyright, 1906, by the Curtis Publishing Company. + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + + I WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + II KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + III THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + IV THE GARDEN PARTY + + V HE ARRIVES + + VI HE DEPARTS + + VII THE ONLY KOLDO + +VIII BY MESSENGER + + IX AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + X ON THE WING + + XI AN OUTING--A REUNION + + XII THE GOVERNOR CABLES + +XIII THE HOME-COMING + + XIV HEROISM REWARDED + + * * * * * + + + + +THE SLIM PRINCESS + + * * * * * + + + +I + +WOMAN IN MOROVENIA + + +Morovenia is a state in which both the mosque and the motor-car now +occur in the same landscape. It started out to be Turkish and later +decided to be European. + +The Mohammedan sanctuaries with their hideous stencil decorations and +bulbous domes are jostled by many new shops with blinking fronts and +German merchandise. The orthodox turn their faces toward Mecca while the +enlightened dream of a journey to Paris. Men of title lately have made +the pleasing discovery that they may drink champagne and still be good +Mussulmans. The red slipper has been succeeded by the tan gaiter. The +voluminous breeches now acknowledge the superior graces of intimate +English trousers. Frock-coats are more conventional than beaded jackets. +The fez remains as a part of the insignia of the old faith and +hereditary devotion to the Sick Man. + +The generation of males which has been extricating itself from the +shackles of Orientalism has not devoted much worry to the Condition of +Woman. + +In Morovenia woman is still unliberated. She does not dine at a +palm-garden or hop into a victoria on Thursday afternoon to go to the +meeting of a club organized to propagate cults. If she met a cult face +to face she would not recognize it. + +Nor does she suspect, as she sits in her prison apartment, peeping out +through the lattice at the monotonous drift of the street life, that her +sisters in far-away Michigan are organizing and raising missionary funds +in her behalf. + +She does not read the dressmaking periodicals. She never heard of the +Wednesday matinee. When she takes the air she rides in a carriage that +has a sheltering hood, and she is veiled up to the eyes, and she must +never lean out to wriggle her little finger-tips at men lolling in front +of the cafes. She must not see the men. She may look at them, but she +must not see them. No wonder the sisters in Michigan are organizing to +batter down the walls of tradition, and bring to her the more recent +privileges of her sex! + +Two years ago, when this story had its real beginning, the social status +of woman in Morovenia was not greatly different from what it is to-day, +or what it was two centuries ago. + +Woman had two important duties assigned to her. One was to hide herself +from the gaze of the multitude, and the other was to be beautiful--that +is, fat. A woman who was plump, or buxom, or chubby might be classed as +passably attractive, but only the fat women were irresistible. A woman +weighing two hundred pounds was only two-thirds as beautiful as one +weighing three hundred. Those grading below one hundred and fifty were +verging upon the impossible. + + + + +II + +KALORA'S AFFLICTION + + +If it had been planned to make this an old-fashioned discursive novel, +say of the Victor Hugo variety, the second chapter would expend itself +upon a philosophical discussion of Fat and a sensational showing of how +and why the presence or absence of adipose tissue, at certain important +crises, had altered the destinies of the whole race. + +The subject offers vast possibilities. It involves the physical +attractiveness of every woman in History and permits one to speculate +wildly as to what might have happened if Cleopatra had weighed forty +pounds heavier, if Elizabeth had been a gaunt and wiry creature, or if +Joan of Arc had been so bulky that she could not have fastened on her +armor. + +The soft layers which enshroud the hard machinery of the human frame +seem to arrive in a merely incidental or accidental sort of way. Yet +once they have arrived they exert a mysterious influence over careers. +Because of a mere change in contour, many a queen has lost her throne. +It is a terrifying thought when one remembers that fat so often comes +and so seldom goes. + +It has been explained that in Morovenia, obesity and feminine beauty +increased in the same ratio. The woman reigning in the hearts of men was +the one who could displace the most atmosphere. + +Because of the fashionableness of fat, Count Selim Malagaski, +Governor-General of Morovenia, was very unhappy. He had two daughters. +One was fat; one was thin. To be more explicit, one was gloriously fat +and the other was distressingly thin. + +Jeneka was the name of the one who had been blessed abundantly. Several +of the younger men in official circles, who had seen Jeneka at a +distance, when she waddled to her carriage or turned side-wise to enter +a shop-door, had written verses about her in which they compared her to +the blushing pomegranate, the ripe melon, the luscious grape, and other +vegetable luxuries more or less globular in form. + +No one had dedicated any verses to Kalora. Kalora was the elder of the +two. She had come to the alarming age of nineteen and no one had started +in bidding for her. + +In court circles, where there is much time for idle gossip, the most +intimate secrets of an important household are often bandied about when +the black coffee is being served. The marriageable young men of +Morovenia had learned of the calamity in Count Malagaski's family. They +knew that Kalora weighed less than one hundred and twenty pounds. She +was tall, lithe, slender, sinuous, willowy, hideous. The fact that poor +old Count Malagaski had made many unsuccessful attempts to fatten her +was a stock subject for jokes of an unrefined and Turkish character. + +Whereas Jeneka would recline for hours at a time on a shaded veranda, +munching sugary confections that were loaded with nutritious nuts, +Kalora showed a far-western preference for pickles and olives, and had +been detected several times in the act of bribing servants to bring +this contraband food into the harem. + +Worse still, she insisted upon taking exercise. She loved to play +romping games within the high walls of the inclosure where she and the +other female attaches of the royal household were kept penned up. Her +father coaxed, pleaded and even threatened, but she refused to lead the +indolent life prescribed by custom; she scorned the sweet and heavy +foods which would enable her to expand into loveliness; she persistently +declined to be fat. + +Kalora's education was being directed by a superannuated professor named +Popova. He was so antique and book-wormy that none of the usual +objections urged against the male sex seemed to hold good in his case, +and he had the free run of the palace. Count Selim Malagaski trusted +him implicitly. Popova fawned upon the Governor-General, and seemed +slavish in his devotion. Secretly and stealthily he was working out a +frightful vengeance upon his patron. Twenty years before, Count Selim, +in a moment of anger, had called Popova a "Christian dog." + +In Morovenia it is flattery to call a man a "liar." It is just the same +as saying to him, "You belong in the diplomatic corps." It is no +disgrace to be branded as a thief, because all business transactions are +saturated with treachery. But to call another a "Christian dog" is the +thirty-third degree of insult. + +Popova writhed in spirit when he was called "Christian," but he covered +his wrath and remained in the nobleman's service and waited for his +revenge. And now he was sacrificing the innocent Kalora in order to +punish the father. He said to himself: "If she does not fatten, then her +father's heart will be broken, and he will suffer even as I have +suffered from being called Christian." + +It was Popova who, by guarded methods, encouraged her to violent +exercise, whereby she became as hard and trim as an antelope. He +continued to supply her with all kinds of sour and biting foods and +sharp mineral waters, which are the sworn enemies of any sebaceous +condition. And now that she was nineteen, almost at the further boundary +of the marrying age, and slimmer than ever before, he rejoiced greatly, +for he had accomplished his deep and malign purpose, and laid a heavy +burden of sorrow upon Count Selim Malagaski. + + + + +III + +THE CRUELTY OF LAW + + +If the father was worried by the prolonged crisis, the younger sister, +Jeneka, was well-nigh distracted, for she could not hope to marry until +Kalora had been properly mated and sent away. + +In Morovenia there is a very strict law intended to eliminate the +spinster from the social horizon. It is a law born of craft and inspired +by foresight. The daughters of a household must be married off in the +order of their nativity. The younger sister dare not contemplate +matrimony until the elder sister has been led to the altar. It is +impossible for a young and attractive girl to make a desirable match +leaving a maiden sister marooned on the market. She must cooperate with +her parents and with the elder sister to clear the way. + +As a rule this law encourages earnest getting-together in every +household and results in a clearing up of the entire stock of eligible +daughters. But think of the unhappy lot of an adorable and much-coveted +maiden who finds herself wedged in behind something unattractive and +shelf-worn! Jeneka was thus pocketed. She could do nothing except fold +her hands and patiently wait for some miraculous intervention. + +In Morovenia the discreet marrying age is about sixteen. Jeneka was +eighteen--still young enough and of a most ravishing weight, but the +slim princess stood as a slight, yet seemingly insurmountable barrier +between her and all hopes of conventional happiness. + +Count Malagaski did not know that the shameful fact of Kalora's +thinness was being whispered among the young men of Morovenia. When the +daughters were out for their daily carriage-ride both wore flowing +robes. In the case of Kalora, this augmented costume was intended to +conceal the absence of noble dimensions. + +It is not good form in Morovenia for a husband or father to discuss his +home life, or to show enthusiasm on the subject of mere woman; but the +Count, prompted by a fretful desire to dispose of his rapidly maturing +offspring, often remarked to the high-born young gentlemen of his +acquaintance that Kalora was a most remarkable girl and one possessed of +many charms, leaving them to infer, if they cared to do so, that +possibly she weighed at least one hundred and eighty pounds. + +[Illustration: Papova rejoiced greatly] + +[Blank Page] + +These casual comments did not seem to arouse any burning curiosity +among the young men, and up to the day of Kalora's nineteenth +anniversary they had not had the effect of bringing to the father any of +those guarded inquiries which, under the oriental custom, are always +preliminary to an actual proposal of marriage. + +Count Selim Malagaski had a double reason for wishing to see Kalora +married. While she remained at home he knew that he would be second in +authority. There is an occidental misapprehension to the effect that +every woman beyond the borders of the Levant is a languorous and waxen +lily, floating in a milk-warm pool of idleness. It is true that the +women of a household live in certain apartments set aside as a "harem." +But "harem" literally means "forbidden"--that is, forbidden to the +public, nothing more. Every villa at Newport has a "harem." + +The women of Morovenia do not pour tea for men every afternoon, and they +are kept well under cover, but they are not slaves. They do not inherit +a nominal authority, but very often they assume a real authority. In the +United States, women can not sail a boat, and yet they direct the cruise +of the yacht. Railway presidents can not vote in the Senate, and yet +they always know how the votes are going to be cast. And in Morovenia, +many a clever woman, deprived of specified and legal rights, has learned +to rule man by those tactful methods which are in such general use that +they need not be specified in this connection. + +Kalora had a way of getting around her father. After she had defied him +and put him into a stewing rage, she would smooth him the right way +and, with teasing little cajoleries, nurse him back to a pleasant humor. +He would find himself once more at the starting-place of the +controversy, his stern commands unheeded, and the disobedient daughter +laughing in his very face. + +Thus, while he was ashamed of her physical imperfections, he admired her +cleverness. Often he said to Popova: "I tell you, she might make some +man a sprightly and entertaining companion, even if she _is_ slender." + +Whereupon the crafty Popova would reply: "Be patient, your Excellency. +We shall yet have her as round as a dumpling." + +And all the time he was keeping her trained as fine as the proverbial +fiddle. + + + + +IV + +THE GARDEN PARTY + + +Said the Governor-General to himself in that prime hour for wide-awake +meditation--the one just before arising for breakfast: "She is not all +that she should be, and yet, millions of women have been less than +perfect and most of them have married." + +He looked hard at the ceiling for a full minute and then murmured, "Even +men have their shortcomings." + +This declaration struck him as being sinful and almost infidel in its +radicalism, and yet it seemed to open the way to a logical reason why +some titled bachelor of damaged reputation and tottering finances might +balance his poor assets against a dowry and a social position, even +though he would be compelled to figure Kalora into the bargain. + +It must be known that the Governor-General was now simply looking for a +husband for Kalora. He did not hope to top the market or bring down any +notable catch. He favored any alliance that would result in no discredit +to his noble lineage. + +"At present they do not even nibble," he soliloquized, still looking at +the ceiling. "They have taken fright for some reason. They may have an +inkling of the awful truth. She is nineteen. Next year she will be +twenty--the year after that twenty-one. Then it would be too late. A +desperate experiment is better than inaction. I have much to gain and +nothing to lose. I must exhibit Kalora. I shall bring the young men to +her. Some of them may take a fancy to her. I have seen people eat sugar +on tomatoes and pepper on ice-cream. There may be in Morovenia one--one +would be sufficient--one bachelor who is no stickler for full-blown +loveliness. I may find a man who has become inoculated with western +heresies and believes that a woman with intellect is desirable, even +though under weight. I may find a fool, or an aristocrat who has +gambled. I may stumble upon good fortune if I put her out among the +young men. Yes, I must exhibit her, but how--how?" + +He began reaching into thin air for a pretext and found one. The +inspiration was simple and satisfying. + +He would give a garden-party in honor of Mr. Rawley Plumston, the +British Consul. Of course he would have to invite Mrs. Plumston and +then, out of deference to European custom, he would have his two +daughters present. It was only by the use of imported etiquette that he +could open the way to direct courtship. + +Possibly some of the cautious young noblemen would talk with Kalora, +and, finding her bright-eyed, witty, ready in conversation and with +enthusiasm for big and masculine undertakings, be attracted to her. At +the same time her father decided that there was no reason why her +pitiful shortage of avoirdupois should be candidly advertised. Even at a +garden-party, where the guests of honor are two English subjects, the +young women would be required to veil themselves up to the nose-tips and +hide themselves within a veritable cocoon of soft garments. + +The invitations went out and the acceptances came in. The English were +flattered. Count Malagaski was buoyed by new hopes and the daughters +were in a day-and-night flutter, for neither of them had ever come +within speaking distance of the real young man of their dreams. + +On the morning of the day set apart for the debut of Kalora, Count Selim +went to her apartments, and, with a rather shamefaced reluctance, gave +his directions. + +"Kalora, I have done all for you that any father could do for a beloved +child and you are still thin," he began. + +"Slender," she corrected. + +"Thin," he repeated. "Thin as a crane--a mere shadow of a girl--and, +what is more deplorable, apparently indifferent to the sorrow that you +are causing those most interested in your welfare." + +"I am not indifferent, father. If, merely by wishing, I could be fat, I +would make myself the shape of the French balloon that floated over +Morovenia last week. I would be so roly-poly that, when it came time for +me to go and meet our guests this afternoon, I would roll into their +presence as if I were a tennis-ball." + +"Why should you know anything about tennis-balls? You, of all the young +women in Morovenia, seem to be the only one with a fondness for +athletics. I have heard that in Great Britain, where the women ride and +play rude, manly games, there has been developed a breed as hard as +flint--Allah preserve me from such women!" + +"Father, you are leading up to something. What is it you wish to say?" + +"This. You have persistently disobeyed me and made me very unhappy, but +to-day I must ask you to respect my wishes. Do not proclaim to our +guests the sad truth regarding your deficiency." + +"Good!" she exclaimed gaily. "I shall wear a robe the size of an Arabian +tent, and I shall surround myself with soft pillows, and I shall wheeze +when I breathe and--who knows?--perhaps some dark-eyed young man worth a +million piasters will be deceived, and will come to you to-morrow, and +buy me--buy me at so much a pound." And she shrieked with laughter. + +"Stop!" commanded her father. "You refuse to take me seriously, but I am +in earnest. Do not humiliate me in the presence of my friends this +afternoon." + +Then he hurried away before she had time to make further sport of him. + +To Count Selim Malagaski this garden-party was the frantic effort of a +sinking man. To Kalora it was a lark. From the pure fun of the thing, +she obeyed her father. She wore four heavily quilted and padded gowns, +one over another, and when she and Jeneka were summoned from their +apartments and went out to meet the company under the trees, they were +almost like twins and both duck-like in general outlines. + +First they met Mrs. Rawley Plumston, a very tall, bony and dignified +woman in gray, wearing a most flowery hat. To every man of Morovenia +Mrs. Plumston was the apotheosis of all that was undesirable in her sex, +but they were exceedingly polite to her, for the reason that Morovenia +owed a great deal of money in London and it was a set policy to +cultivate the friendship of the British. + +While Jeneka and Kalora were being presented to the consul's wife, +these same young men, the very flower of bachelorhood, stood back at a +respectful distance and regarded the young women with half-concealed +curiosity. To be permitted to inspect young women of the upper classes +was a most unusual privilege, and they knew why the privilege had been +extended to them. It was all very amusing, but they were too well bred +to betray their real emotions. When they moved up to be presented to the +sisters they seemed grave in their salutations and restrained +themselves, even though one pair of eyes, peering out above a very gauzy +veil, seemed to twinkle with mischief and to corroborate their most +pronounced suspicions. + +Out of courtesy to his guests, Count Malagaski had made his garden-party +as deadly dull as possible. Little groups of bored people drifted about +under the trees and exchanged the usual commonplace observations. Tea +and cakes were served under a canopy tent and the local orchestra +struggled with pagan music. + +Kalora found herself in a wide and easy kind of a basket-chair sitting +under a tree and chatting with Mrs. Plumston. She was trying to be at +her ease, and all the time she knew that every young man present was +staring at her out of the corner of his eye. + +Mrs. Plumston, although very tall and evidently of brawny strength, had +a twittering little voice and a most confiding manner. She was immensely +interested in the daughter of the Governor-General. To meet a young girl +who had spent her life within the mysterious shadows of an oriental +household gave her a tingling interest, the same as reading a forbidden +book. She readily won the confidence of Kalora, and Kalora, being most +ingenuous and not educated to the wiles of the drawing-room, spoke her +thoughts with the utmost candor. + +"I like you," she said to Mrs. Plumston, "and, oh, how I envy you! You +go to balls and dinners and the theater, don't you?" + +"Alas, yes, and you escape them! How I envy _you_!" + +"Your husband is a very handsome man. Do you love him?" + +"I tolerate him." + +"Does he ever scold you for being thin?" + +"Does he _what_?" + +"Is he ever angry with you because you are not big and plump +and--and--pulpy?" + +"Heavens, no! If my husband has any private convictions regarding my +personal appearance, he is discreet enough to keep them to himself. If +he isn't satisfied with me, he should be. I have been working for years +to save myself from becoming fat and plump and--pulpy." + +"Then you don't think fat women are beautiful?" + +"My child, in all enlightened countries adipose is woman's worst enemy. +If I were a fat woman, and a man said that he loved me, I should know +that he was after my bank-account. Take my advice, my dear young lady, +and bant." + +"Bant?" + +"Reduce. Make yourself slender. You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, +a perfect complexion, and with a trim figure you would be simply +incomparable." + +Kalora listened, trembling with surprise and pleasure. Then she leaned +over and took the hand of the gracious Englishwoman. + +"I have a confession to make," she said in a whisper. "I am not fat--I +am slim--quite slim." + +And then, at that moment, something happened to make this whole story +worth telling. It was a little something, but it was the beginning of +many strange experiences, for it broke up the wonderful garden-party in +the grounds of the Governor-General, and it gave Morovenia something to +talk about for many weeks to come. It all came about as follows: + +At the military club, the night before the party, a full score of young +men, representing the quality, sat at an oblong table and partook of +refreshments not sanctioned by the Prophet. They were young men of +registered birth and supposititious breeding, even though most of them +had very little head back of the ears and wore the hair clipped short +and were big of bone, like work-horses, and had the gusty manners of the +camp. + +They were foolishly gloating over the prospect of meeting the two +daughters of the Governor-General, and were telling what they knew about +them with much freedom, for, even in a monarchy, the chief executive and +his family are public property and subject to the censorship of any one +who has a voice for talking. + +Of these male gossips there were a few who said, with gleeful certainty, +that the elder daughter was a mere twig who could hide within the shadow +of her bounteous and incomparable sister. + +"Wait until to-morrow and you shall see," they said, wagging their heads +very wisely. + +To-morrow had come and with it the party and here was Kalora--a pretty +face peering out from a great pod of clothes. + +They stood back and whispered and guessed, until one, more enterprising +than the others, suggested a bold experiment to set all doubts at rest. + +Count Malagaski had provided a diversion for his guests. A company of +Arabian acrobats, on their way from Constantinople to Paris, had been +intercepted, and were to give an exhibition of leaping and +pyramid-building at one end of the garden. While Kalora was chatting +with Mrs. Plumston, the acrobats had entered and, throwing off their +yellow-and-black striped gowns, were preparing for the feats. They were +behind the two women and at the far end of the garden. Mrs. Plumston and +Kalora would have to move to the other side of the tree in order to +witness the exhibition. This fact gave the devil-may-care young +bachelors a ready excuse. + +"Do as I have directed and you shall learn for yourselves," said the one +who had invented the tactics. "I tell you that what you see is all +shell. Now then--" + +Four conspirators advanced in a half-careless and sauntering manner to +where Kalora and the consul's wife sat by the sheltering tree, intent +upon their exchange of secrets. + +"Pardon me, Mrs. Plumston, but the acrobats are about to begin," said +one of the young men, touching the fez with his forefinger. + +"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, looking up. "We must see them." + +"You must face the other way," said the young man. "They are at the east +end of the garden. Permit us." + +Whereupon the young man who had spoken and a companion who stood at his +side very gently picked up Mrs. Plumston's big basket-chair between them +and carried it around to the other side of the tree. And the two young +men who had been waiting just behind picked up Kalora's chair and +carried _her_ to the other side of the tree, and put her down beside the +consul's wife. + +Did they carry her? No, they dandled her. She was as light as a feather +for these two young giants of the military. They made a palpable show of +the ridiculous ease with which they could lift their burden. It may have +been a forward thing to do, but they had done it with courtly +politeness, and the consul's wife, instead of being annoyed, was pleased +and smiling over the very pretty little attention, for she could not +know at the moment that the whole maneuver had grown out of a wager and +was part of a detestable plan to find out the actual weight of the +Governor-General's elder daughter. + +If Mrs. Plumston did not understand, Count Selim Malagaski understood. +So did all the young men who were watching the pantomime. And Kalora +understood. She looked up and saw the lurking smiles on the faces of the +two gallants who were carrying her, and later the tittering became +louder and some of the young men laughed aloud. + +She leaped from her chair and turned upon her two tormentors. + +"How dare you?" she exclaimed. "You are making sport of me in the +presence of my father's guests! You have a contempt for me because I am +ugly. You mock at me in private because you hear that I am thin. You +wish to learn the truth about me. Well, I will tell you. I _am_ thin. I +weigh one hundred and eighteen pounds." + +She was speaking loudly and defiantly, and all the young men were +backing away, dismayed at the outbreak. Her father elbowed his way among +them, white with terror, and attempted to pacify her. + +"Be still, my child!" he commanded. "You don't know what you are +saying!" + +"Yes, I do know what I am saying!" she persisted, her voice rising +shrilly. "Do they wish to know about me? Must they know the truth? Then +look! _Look_!" + +With sweeping outward gestures she threw off the soft quilted robes +gathered about her, tore away the veil and stood before them in a white +gown that fairly revealed every modified in-and-out of her figure. + +What ensued? Is it necessary to tell? The costume in which she stood +forth was no more startling or immodest than the simple gown which the +American high-school girl wears on her Commencement Day, and it was +decidedly more ample than the sum of all the garments worn at polite +social gatherings in communities somewhat to the west. Nevertheless, the +company stood aghast. They were doubly horrified--first, at the +effrontery of the girl, and second, at the revelation of her real +person, for they saw that she was doomed, helpless, bereft of hope, slim +beyond all curing. + + + + +V + +HE ARRIVES + + +Kalora was alone. + +After putting the company to consternation she had flung herself +defiantly back into the chair and directed a most contemptuous gaze at +all the desirable young men of her native land. + +The Governor-General made a choking attempt to apologize and explain, +and then, groping for an excuse to send the people away, suggested that +the company view the new stables. The acrobats were dismissed. The +guests went rapidly to an inspection of the carriages and horses. They +were glad to escape. Jeneka, crushed in spirit and shamed at the brazen +performance of her sister, began a plaintive conjecture as to "what +people would say," when Kalora turned upon her such a tigerish glance +that she fairly ran for her apartment, although she was too corpulent +for actual sprinting. Mrs. Plumston remained behind as the only +comforter. + +"It was a most contemptible proceeding, my child. When they lifted us +and carried us to the other side of the tree I thought it was rather +nice of them; something on the order of the old Walter Raleigh days of +chivalry, and all that. And just think! The beasts did it to find out +whether or not you were really plump and heavy. It's a most +extraordinary incident." + +"I wouldn't marry one of them now, not if he begged and my father +commanded!" said Kalora bitterly. "And poor Jeneka! This takes away her +last chance. Until I am married she can not marry, and after to-day not +even a blind man would choose me." + +"For goodness' sake, don't worry! You tell me you are nineteen. No woman +need feel discouraged until she is about thirty-five. You have sixteen +years ahead of you." + +"Not in Morovenia." + +"Why remain in Morovenia?" + +"We are not permitted to travel." + +"Perhaps, after what happened to-day, your father will be glad to let +you travel," said Mrs. Plumston with a significant little nod and a wise +squint. "Don't you generally succeed in having your own way with him?" + +"Oh, to travel--to travel!" exclaimed Kalora, clasping her hands. "If I +am to remain single and a burden for ever, perhaps it would lighten +father's grief if I resided far away. My presence certainly would +remind him of the wreck of all his ambitions, but if I should settle +down in Vienna or Paris, or--" she paused and gave a little gasp--"or if +anything should happen to me, if I should--should disappear, that is, +really disappear, Jeneka would be free to marry and--" + +"Oh, pickles!" said Mrs. Plumston. "I have heard of romantic young women +jumping overboard and taking poison on account of rich young men, but I +never heard of a girl's snuffing herself out so as to give her sister a +chance to get married. The thing for you to do at a time like this, when +you find yourself in a tangle, is to think of yourself and your own +chances for happiness. Father and Jeneka will take care of themselves. +They are popular and beloved characters here in Morovenia. They are not +taking you into consideration except as you seem to interfere with +their selfish plans. I have made it a rule not to work out my neighbor's +destiny." + +"What can I do?" asked Kalora, seemingly impressed by the earnestness of +the consul's wife. + +"Leave Morovenia. Keep at your father until he consents to your going. +Here you are despised and ridiculed--a victim of heathen prejudice left +over from the Dark Ages. Get away, even if you have to walk, and take my +word for it, the moment you leave Morovenia you will be a very beautiful +girl; not a merely attractive young person, but what we would call at +home a radiant beauty--the oriental type, you know. And as a personal +favor to me, don't be fat." + +"No fear of that," said the girl with a melancholy attempt at a smile. +"But you must go and join the others. Do, please. I am now in disgrace, +and you may compromise your social standing in Morovenia if you remain +here and talk to me." + +"I dare say I should go. I have a husband who requires as much attention +and scolding as a four-year-old. Sometimes I almost favor the oriental +system of the husband's directing the wife. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Mrs. Plumston gave her a kiss and a friendly little pat on the arm, and +walked away toward the stables with a swinging, heel-and-toe, masculine +stride. + +Kalora had the whole garden to herself. She sat squared up in the wicker +chair with her fists clenched, looking straight ahead, trying in vain to +think of some plan for avenging herself upon the whole race of +bachelors. As she sat thus some one spoke to her. + +"How do you do?" came a voice. + +She was startled and looked about, but saw no one. + +"Up here!" came the voice again. + +She looked up and saw a young man on the top of the wall, his legs +hanging over. Evidently he had climbed up from the outside, and yet +Kalora had never suspected that the wall could be climbed. + +[Illustration: "Up here!" came the voice again] + +He was smoothly shaven, with blond hair almost ripe enough to be auburn; +he wore a gray suit of rather loose and careless material, a belt, but +no waistcoat; his trousers were reefed up from a pair of saddle-brown +shoes, and the silk band around his small straw hat was tricolored. In +his hand was a paper-covered book. Swung over his shoulder was a camera +in a leather case. He sat there on top of the high wall and gazed at +Kalora with a grinning interest, and she, forgetting that she was +unveiled and clad only in the simple garments which had horrified the +best people of Morovenia, gazed back at him, for he was the first of the +kind she had seen. + +"What are you doing here?" she asked wonderingly. + +"I am looking for the show," he replied. "They told me down at the hotel +that a very hot bunch of acrobats were doing a few stunts down here this +afternoon, and I thought I'd break in if I could. Wanted to get some +pictures of them." + +"Were you invited?" + +"No, but that doesn't make any difference. In Cairo I went to a native +wedding every day. If I passed a house where there was a wedding being +pulled off, I simply went inside and mingled. They never put me +out--seemed to enjoy having me there. I suppose they thought it was the +American custom for outsiders to ring in at a wedding." + +"You said American, didn't you? Are you from America?" + +"Do I look like a Scandinavian? I am from the grand old commonwealth of +Pennsylvania. Did you ever hear of the town of Bessemer?" + +"I'm afraid not." + +"Did you ever hear of the Pike family that robbed all the orphans, tore +down the starry banner, walked on the humble working-girl and gave the +double cross to the common people? Did you?" + +"Dear me, no," she replied, following him vaguely. + +"Well, I am Alexander H., of the tribe of Pike, and I have two reasons +for being in your beautiful little city. One is Federal grand jury and +the other is ten-cent magazine. You know, our folks are sinfully rich. +About four years ago I came in for most of the guvnor's coin, and in +trying to keep up the traditions of the family, I have made myself +unpopular, but I didn't know how unpopular I really was until I got this +magazine from home this morning." And he held up the paper-covered book, +which had a rainbow cover. "They have been writing up a few of us +captains of industry, and they have said everything about me that they +_could_ say without having the thing barred out of the mails. I notice +that you speak our kind of talk fairly well, but I think I can take you +by the hand and show you a lot of new and beautiful English language. I +will read this to you." + +Before she could warn him, or do anything except let out a horrified +"Oh-h!" he had leaped lightly from his high perch and was standing in +front of her. + +"I'm afraid you don't understand," she said, rising and taking a +frightened survey of the garden, to be sure that no one was watching. +"Strangers are not permitted in here. That is, men, and more +especially--ah--Christians." + +"I'm not a Christian, and I can prove it by this magazine. I am an +octopus, and a viper, and a vampire, and a man-eating shark. I am what +you might call a composite zoo. If you want to get a line on me just +read this article on _The Shameless Brigand of Bessemer_, and you will +certainly find out that I am a nice young fellow." + +Kalora had studied English for years and thought she knew it, and yet +she found it difficult fully, to comprehend all the figurative phrases +of this pleasing young stranger. + +"Do I understand that you are traveling abroad because of your +unpopularity at home?" she asked. + +"I am waiting for things to cool down. As soon as the muck-rakers wear +out their rakes, and the great American public finds some other kind of +hysterics to keep it worked up to a proper temperature, I shall mosey +back and resume business at the old stand. But why tell you the story of +my life? Play fair now, and tell me a lot about yourself. Where am I?" + +"You are here in my father's private garden, where you hare no right to +be." + +"And father?" + +"Is Count Selim Malagaski, Governor-General of Morovenia." + +"Wow! And you?" + +"I am his daughter." + +"The daughter of all that must be something. Have you a title?" + +"I am called Princess." + +"Can you beat that? Climb up a wall to see some A-rabs perform, and find +a real, sure-enough princess, and likewise, if you don't mind my saying +so, a pippin." + +"I don't know what you mean," she said. + +"A corker." + +"Corker?" + +"I mean that you're a good-looker--that it's no labor at all to gaze +right at you. I didn't think they grew them so far from headquarters, +but I see I'm wrong. You are certainly all right. Pardon me for saying +this to you so soon after we meet, but I have learned that you will +never break a woman's heart by telling her that she is a beaut." + +[Illustration: "Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?"] + +Kalora leaned back in her chair and laughed. She was beginning to +comprehend the whimsical humor of the very unusual young man. His direct +and playful manner of speech amused her, and also seemed to reassure +her. And, when he seated himself within a few inches of her elbow, +fanning himself with the little straw hat, and calmly inspecting the +tiny landscape of the forbidden garden, she made no protest against his +familiarity, although she knew that she was violating the most sacred +rules laid down for her sex. + +She reasoned thus with herself: + +"To-day I have disgraced myself to the utmost, and, since I am utterly +shamed, why not revel in my lawlessness?" + +Besides, she wished to question this young man. Mrs. Plumston had said +to her: "You are beautiful." No one else had ever intimated such a +thing. In fact, for five years she had been taunted almost daily because +of her lack of all physical charms. Perhaps she could learn the truth +about herself by some adroit questioning of the young man from +Pennsylvania. + +"You have traveled a great deal?" she asked. + +"Me and Baedeker and Cook wrote it," he replied; and then, seeing that +she was puzzled, he said: "I have been to all of the places they keep +open." + +"You have seen many women in many countries?" + +"I have. I couldn't help it, and I'm glad of it." + +"Then you know what constitutes beauty?" + +"Not always. What is sponge cake for me may be sawdust for somebody +else. Say, I rode for an hour in a 'rickshaw at Nagoya to see the most +beautiful girl in Japan and when we got to the teahouse they trotted out +a little shrimp that looked as if she'd been dried over a barrel--you +know, stood _bent_ all the time, as if she was getting ready to jump. +Her neck was no bigger than a gripman's wrist and she had a nose that +stood right out from her face almost an eighth of an inch. Her eyes were +set on the bias and she was painted more colors than a bandwagon. I +said, 'If this is the champion geisha, take me back to the land of the +chorus girl.' And in China! Listen! I caught a Chinese belle coming down +the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have +seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an +inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called +cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the +Ringling side-show. So there you are!" + +"But in your own country, and in the larger cities of the world, there +must be some sort of standard. What are the requirements? What must a +woman be, that all men would call her beautiful?" + +"Well, Princess, that's a pretty hard proposition to dope out. Good +looks can not be analyzed in a lab or worked out by algebra, because, +I'm telling you, the one that may look awful lucky to me may strike +somebody else as being fairly punk. Providence framed it up that way so +as to give more girls a chance to land somebody. Still, there is one +kind that makes a hit wherever people are bright enough to sit up and +take notice. Now I suppose that any male being in his right senses would +find it easy to look at a woman who was young enough and had eyes and +hair and teeth and the other items, all doing team-work together, and +then if she was trim and slender--" + +"Should she be slender?" interrupted Kalora, leaning toward him. + +"Sure. I don't mean the same width all the way up and down, like an art +student, but trim and--Here, I'll show you. You will find the pictures +of the most beautiful women in the world right here in the ads of a +ten-cent magazine. Look them over and you will understand what I mean." + +He turned page after page and showed her the tapering goddesses of the +straight front, the tooth-powder, the camera, the breakfast-food, the +massage-cream, and the hair-tonic. + +"These are what you call beautiful women?" she asked. + +"These are about the limit." + +"Then in your country I would not be considered hideous, would I?" + +"Hideous? Say, if you ever walked up Fifth Avenue you would block the +traffic! And in the palm-garden at the Waldorf--why, you and the head +waiter would own the place! Are you trying to string me by asking such +questions? Are you a real ingenue, or a kidder?" + +"I hardly know what you mean, but I assure you that here in Morovenia +they laugh at me because I am not fat." + +"This is a shine country, and you're in wrong, little girl," said Mr. +Pike, in a kindly tone. "Why don't you duck?" + +"Duck?" + +"Leave here and hunt up some of the red spots on the map. You know what +I mean--away to the bright lights! I don't like to knock your native +land but, honestly, Morovenia is a bad boy. I've struck towns around +here where you couldn't buy illustrated post-cards. They take in the +sidewalks at nine o'clock every night. That orchestra down at the hotel +handed me a new coon song last night--_Bill Bailey_! Can you beat that? +As long as you stay here you are hooked up with a funeral." + +Kalora, with wrinkled brow, had been striving to follow him in his +figurative flights. + +"Strange," she murmured. "You are the second person I have met to-day +who advises me to go away--to the west." + +"That's the tip!" he exclaimed with fervor. "Go west and when you start, +keep on going. You come to America and bring along the papers to show +that you're a real live princess and you'll own both sides of the +street. We'll show you more real excitement in two weeks than you'll +see around here if you live to be a hundred." + +"I should like to go, but--Look! Hurry, please! You must go!" + +She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy +uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. + +"Shall I try to put up a bluff, or fight it out?" he asked, as he stood +up to meet them. + +"You can not explain," gasped Kalora. "Run! _Run_! They know you have no +right here. This means going to prison--perhaps worse." + +"Does it?" he asked, between his set teeth. "If those two brunettes get +me, they'll have to go some." + +When the two pounced upon him he made no resistance and they captured +him. He stood between them, each of them clutching an arm and breathing +heavily, not only from exertion, but also out of a sense of triumph. + + + + +VI + +HE DEPARTS + + +And now, in order to give a key to the surprising performances of +Alexander H. Pike, it will be necessary to call up certain biographical +data. + +When he was in the Hill School he won the pole vault, but later, in his +real collegiate days, he never could come within two inches of 'varsity +form, and therefore failed to make the track-team. + +While attending the Institute of Technology he worked one whole autumn +to perfect an offensive play which was to be used against "Buff" +Rodigan, of the semi-professional athletic-club team. This play was +known as "giving the shoulder," with the solar plexus as the point of +attack. The purpose of the play was not to kill the opposing player, but +to induce him to relinquish all interest in the contest. + +Furthermore, Mr. Pike, while spending a month or more at a time in New +York City, during his post-graduate days, had worked with Mr. Mike +Donovan, in order to keep down to weight. Mr. Donovan had illustrated +many tricks to him, one of the best being a low feint with the left, +followed by a right cross to the point of the jaw. + +While the two bronze-colored guards stood holding him, Mr. Pike rapidly +took stock of his accomplishments, and formulated a program. With a +sudden twist he cleared himself, sprang away from the two, and jumped +behind a tree. One soldier started to the right of the tree and the +other to the left, so as to close in upon him and retake him. This was +what he wanted, for he had them "spread," and could deal with them +singly. + +He used the Donovan tactics on the first guard, and they worked out with +shameful ease. When the soldier saw the left coming for the pit of his +stomach, he crouched and hugged himself, thereby extending his jaw so +that it waited there with the sun shining on it until the young man's +right swing came across and changed the middle of the afternoon to +midnight. Number one was lying in profound slumber when Alumnus Pike +turned to greet number two. + +The second soldier, having witnessed the feat of pugilism, doubled his +fists and extended them awkwardly, coming with a rush. Mr. Pike suddenly +squatted and leaned forward, balancing on his finger-tips, until number +two was about to fall upon him and crush him, and then he arose with +that rigid right shoulder aimed as a catapult. There was a sound as when +the air-brake is disconnected, and number two curled over limply on the +ground and made faces in an effort to resume breathing. + +Mr. Pike picked up his magazine and put it under his coat. He buttoned +the coat, smiled in a pale, but placid manner at Kalora, who was still +immovable with terror, and then he proceeded to vindicate his "prep +school" training. He ran over to the canopy tent, under which the +refreshments had been served, pulled out one of the poles and, pointing +it ahead of him, ran straight for the wall. + +Kalora, watching him, regarded this as a wholly insane proceeding. Was +he going to attempt to poke a hole through a wall three feet thick? + +Just as he seemed ready to flatten himself against the stones, he +dropped the end of the pole to the ground and shot upward like a rocket. +Kalora saw him give an upward twist and wriggle, fling himself free from +the pole and disappear on the other side of the wall, the camera +following like the tail of a comet. As he did so, number two, coming to +a sitting posture, began to shriek for reinforcements. Number one was up +on his elbow, regarding the affairs of this world with a dreamy +interest. + +Fortunately for the Governor-General, the participants in the exploded +garden-party had escaped at the very first opportunity. + +Count Malagaski, greatly perturbed and almost in a state of collapse +over the unhappy affair in the garden, was returning to his apartments +when the second surprising episode of the day came to a noisy climax. + +He heard the uproar and had the two guards brought before him. They +reported that they had found a stranger in the garb of an infidel seated +within the secret garden chatting with the Princess Kalora. They did not +agree in their descriptions of him, but each maintained that the +intruder was a very large person of forbidding appearance and terrific +strength. + +"How did he manage to escape?" asked the Governor-General. + +"By jumping over the wall." + +"Over a wall ten feet high?" demanded the Governor-General. + +"Without touching his hands, sir. He was very tall; must have been seven +feet." + +"If you ever had an atom of gray matter, evidently this stranger has +beaten it out of you. Hurry and notify the police!" + +Kalora's candid version of the whole affair was hardly less startling +than that of the guards. The stranger had come over the wall suddenly, +much to her alarm. He attempted to converse with her, but she sternly +ordered him from the premises. He was exceedingly tall, as the guards +had said, and very dark, with rather long hair and curling black +mustache. He addressed her in English, but spoke with a marked German +accent. + +This description, faithfully set down by Popova, was carried away to the +secret police of Morovenia, said to be the most astute in the world. +They were instructed to watch all trains and guard the frontier and, as +soon as they had their prisoner safely put away in the lower dungeon of +the municipal prison, they were to notify the Governor-General, who +would privately pass sentence. + +A crime against any member of the ruler's household comes under a +separate category and need not be tried in public sessions. For entering +a royal harem or addressing a woman of title the sentences range from +the bastinado to solitary confinement for life. + +No wonder Kalora waited in trembling. Like every other provincial she +had much respect for the indigenous constabulary. She did not believe it +possible for the pleasing stranger to break through the network that +would be woven about him. + +Shunning her father and sister, and shunned by them, she waited many +sleepless hours in her own apartments for the inevitable news from +beyond the walls. + +Next morning there came to her a cheering and terrifying message. + + + + +VII + +THE ONLY KOLDO + + +Three hours after his pole-vault, Mr. Alexander H. Pike, wearing a +dinner-jacket newly ironed by his man-slave, and with a soft hat crushed +jauntily down over the right ear, was pacing back and forth in the main +corridor of the Hotel de l'Europe waiting for the dread summons to the +table d'hote. + +He had to admit to himself that his nerves seemed to be about as taut as +piano wires. He told himself that possibly he was "up against it," and +yet he had stood on the brink of disaster so often during his college +career without acquiring vertigo, that the experience of the afternoon +was like a joyous renewal of youth. + +He had no set program but he had a feeling that if he was to be +questioned he would lie entertainingly. + +Of one thing he was certain--it would help his case if he made no +attempt to hurry across the frontier. He believed in the wisdom of +hunting up the authorities whenever the authorities were hunting for +him. For instance, in the prep school, after getting the cow into the +chapel, he discovered her there and notified the principal and was the +only boy who did not fall under suspicion. To assume a childlike +innocence and to bluff magnificently,--these had been the twin rules +that had saved him so often and would save him now, unless he should be +confronted by the princess or the two guards, in which case--he whistled +softly. + +Suddenly two men came slamming in at the front door and stalked down the +avenue of palms. They seemed to be throbbing with the importance of +their errand, as they moved toward a little side office, which was the +official lair of the manager. + +One of the men was elderly and wizened and the other was a detective. +Pike knew it as soon as he glanced at the heavy jowls and the broad face +and heard the authoritative footfall. He knew, also, that he was not a +bona fide detective, but a municipal detective, who is paid a monthly +salary and walks stealthily along side streets in citizen's dress, all +the time imagining that the people he meets take him to be a merchant or +a lawyer. In this he is mistaken, for he resembles nothing except a +municipal detective. + +If Mr. Pike had known that the officer who accompanied Popova was the +celebrated Koldo, chief of the secret service, no doubt the impulse to +retreat to his apartment and get behind the bed canopies would have been +stronger. He knew, however, that no detective of analytical methods +would expect to find the criminal standing at his elbow, so he followed +the two over to the office and calmly wedged himself into the +conference. + +The great Koldo was agitated as he told his story to the manager, who +was a polite and sympathetic importation from Switzerland. Popova stood +by and corroborated by nodding. + +"An outrage of the most dreadful nature has been reported from the +palace," said Koldo. + +"Dear me!" murmured the manager. "I am so sorry." + +"A stranger scaled the wall and entered the forbidden precincts. He +addressed himself to the Princess Kalora with most insulting +familiarity. Two of the household guards captured him, but he escaped +after beating them brutally. The report of the whole affair and a +description of the man have been brought to me by the esteemed +Popova--this gentleman here, who is court interpreter and instructor in +languages to the royal family." + +Popova nodded and Mr. Pike saw the scattered spires of Bessemer, +Pennsylvania, whirling away into a cloud of disappearance. + +"If you have a description of the man, no doubt you will be able to find +him," he said, knowing that this kind of speech would strengthen his +plea of innocence when brought out at the trial. + +The chief of the secret service turned and looked wonderingly at the +bland stranger and resumed: "After some reflection I have decided to +make inquiries at all the hotels, to learn if any foreigner answering +this description has lately arrived in the city." + +"You may be sure that any information I possess will be put at your +disposal immediately," said the manager, with a smile and a professional +bow. + +The only Koldo, breathing deeply, brought from his pocket a sheet of +paper, while Mr. Pike propped himself deliberately against the door and +tried to mold his features into that expression of guileless innocence +which he had observed on the face of a cherub in the Vatican. + +"He is very rugged and powerful," said the detective, referring to his +notes. "Large, quite large--black hair, dark eyes with a glance that +seems to pierce through anything--long mustache, also black--wears much +jewelry--speaks with a marked German accent--wears a suit of Scotch +plaid--heavy military boots." + +Mr. Pike removed his hat and allowed the electric light to twinkle on +his ruddy hair. + +"How--ah--where did you get this description?" he asked gently. + +"From the Princess herself," replied Popova. "She saw him at close +range." + +"Believe me, I am sorry, but no one answering the description has been +at my hotel," said the manager. + +"Then I shall go to the Hotel Bristol and the Hotel Victoria," announced +Koldo, with something of fierce determination in his tone. + +"An excellent plan," assented the manager. + +"Would you mind if I butted in with a suggestion?" said Mr. Pike, laying +a friendly hand on the arm of the redoubtable Koldo. "Don't you think +it would be better if you went alone to these hotels? This distinguished +gentleman," indicating Popova, "is well known on account of being a high +guy up at the palace. Sure as you live, if he trails around with you, +you will be spotted. You don't want to hunt this fellow with a brass +band. Besides, you don't need any help, do you?"--to the head of the +secret service. + +"Certainly not," replied the famous detective, swelling visibly. "I have +all the data--already I am planning my campaign." + +"Then I should like to have a talk with Pop-what's-his-name. I think I +can slip him a few valuable pointers. You go right along and nail your +man and we'll sit here in the shade of the sheltering palm and tell each +other our troubles." + +"I must return to the palace quite soon," murmured Popova, gazing at +the stranger uneasily. + +"Call a carriage for the professor," spoke up Mr. Pike briskly, to the +manager. "I know his time is valuable, so we'll get down to business +immediately, if not sooner." + +The manager knew a millionaire's voice when he heard it, so he hurried +away. The impatient Koldo said that he would communicate directly with +the palace as soon as he had effected the capture, and started for the +front door. Then, remembering himself, he went out the back way. + +The old tutor, finding himself alone with Mr. Pike, was not permitted to +relapse into embarrassment. + +"In the first place, I want you to know who and what I am," said Mr. +Pike. "Come into my suite and I'll show you something. Then you'll see +that you're not wasting your time on a light-weight." + +He led the way to a large parlor ornately done in red, and pulled out +from a leather trunk a passport issued by the Department of State of the +United States of America. It was a huge parchment, with pictorial +embellishments, heavy Gothic type and a seal about the size of a pie. +Mr. Pike's physical peculiarities were enumerated and there was a direct +request that the bearer be shown every courtesy and attention due a +citizen of the great republic. Popova looked it over and was impressed. + +"It isn't everybody that gets those," said Mr. Pike, as he put the +document carefully back into the trunk and covered it with shirts. "Have +a red chair. Take off your hat--ah, I remember, you leave that on, don't +you?" + +The old gentleman seated himself, somewhat reassured by the cheery +manner of his host, who sat in front of him and beamed. + +Mr. Pike, supposed to be given to vapory and aimless conversation, +really was a general. Already we have learned that he based his +every-day conduct on a groundwork of safe principles. He had certain +private theories, which had stood the test, and when following these +theories he proceeded with bustling confidence. One of his theories was +that every man in the world has a grievance and regards himself as +much-abused, and in order to win the regard and confidence of that man, +all one has to do is feel around for the grievance and then play upon +it. Mr. Pike, in his province of employer, had been compelled to study +the methods of successful labor-union agitators. + +"You don't know much about me, but I know plenty about you," he began, +closing one eye and nodding wisely. "I hadn't been here very long before +I found out who was the real brains of that outfit up at the palace." + +"Really, you know, we are not supposed to discuss the merits of our +ruler," said Popova, fairly startled at the candid tone of the other. He +lifted one hand in timid deprecation. + +"Of course you're not. That's why some one who is simply a figurehead +goes on taking all the credit for tricks turned by a smart fellow who is +working for him. Now, if you lived in the dear old land of ready money, +where the accident of birth doesn't give any man the right to sit on +somebody else's neck, you'd be a big gun. You'd have money and a pull +and probably, before you got through, you'd be investigated. Over here, +you are deliberately kept in the background. You are the Patsy." + +"The what?" + +"The squidge--that means the fellow who does all the worrying and gets +nothing out of it. Now, before you return to what you call the palace, +and which looks to me like the main building of the Allegheny Brick +Works, will you do me the honor of going into that cave of gloom, known +as the American bar, and hitting up just one small libation?" + +"I am not sure that I catch your meaning," said Popova, who felt himself +somewhat smothered by rhetoric. + +"Into the bar--down at the little iron table--business of hoisting +beverage." + +"We of the faith are not supposed to partake of any drink containing +even a small percentage of alcohol." + +"I'm not _supposed_ to dally with it myself, having been brought up on +cistern water, but I find in traveling that I entertain a more kindly +feeling for you strange foreign people when I carry a medium-sized +headlight. Come along, now. Don't compel me to tear your clothes." + +There was no resisting the masterful spirit of the young steel magnate, +and Popova was led away to a remote apartment, where a single shelf, +sparsely set with bottles, made a weak effort to reproduce the fabled +splendors of far-away New York. + +"Let's see, what shall we tackle?" asked Mr. Pike, as he checked down +the line with a rigid forefinger. "If you don't care what happens to +you, we might try a couple of cocktails--that is, if you like the taste +of _eau de quinine_. Oh, I'll tell you what! Here are lemons, seltzer +and gin. Boy, two gin fizzes." + +The attendant, who was very juvenile and much afraid of his job, smiled +and shook his head. + +"Do you mean to say that you never heard of a gin fizz?" asked Mr. Pike. +"All the ingredients within reach, simply waiting to be introduced to +each other, and you have been holding them apart. You ought to be +ashamed of yourself. Bring out some ice. Produce your jigger. Get busy. +Hand me the tools and I'll do this myself." + +Then, while the other two looked on in abashed admiration, Mr. Pike +deftly squeezed the lemons and splashed in allopathic portions of the +crystal fluid and used ice most wastefully. After vigorous shaking and +patient straining he shot a seething stream of seltzer into each glass +and finally delivered to Popova a translucent drink that was very tall +and capped with foam. + +"Hide that, Professor," he said. "In a few minutes you will speak +several new languages." + +Popova sipped conservatively. + +"Don't be afraid," urged Mr. Pike, encouragingly. "If the boy watched me +carefully, possibly he can duplicate the order." + +The youth was more than willing, for he seldom received instruction. +With now and then a word of counsel or warning from the wise man of the +west in the corner, he cautiously assembled two other fizzes, while Mr. +Pike, in a most nonchalant and roundabout manner, sought information +concerning affairs of state, local politics, the Governor-General's +household and Princess Kalora. Popova told more than he had meant to +tell and more than he knew that he was telling. + +It may have been that the fizzes were insidious or that Mr. Pike was +unduly persuasive, or that a combination of these two powerful +influences moved the elderly tutor to impulses of unusual generosity. At +any rate, he found himself possessed of an affection for the young man +from Bessemer, Pennsylvania. It was an affection both fatherly and +brotherly. When Mr. Pike asked him to perform just a small service for +him, he promised and then promised again and was still promising when +his host went with him to the carriage and said that he had not lived in +vain and that in years to come he would gather his grandchildren around +him and tell of the circumstances of his meeting with the greatest +scholar in southeastern Europe. + + + + +VIII + +BY MESSENGER + + +On the morning after the strange happenings in the garden, Kalora sat by +one of the cross-barred windows overlooking a side street, and envied +the humble citizens and unimportant woman drifting happily across her +field of vision. + +Never in all her life had she walked out alone. The sweet privilege of +courting adventure had been denied her. And yet she felt, on this +morning, an almost intimate acquaintance with the outside world, for had +she not talked with a valorous young man who could leap over high walls +and subdue giants and pay compliments? He had thrown a sudden glare of +romance across her lonesome pathway. The few minutes with him seemed to +encompass everything in life that was worth remembering. She told +herself that already she liked him better than any other young man she +had met, which was not surprising, for he had been the first to sit +beside her and look into her eyes and tell her that she was beautiful. +She knew that whatever of wretchedness the years might hold in store for +her, no local edict could rob her of one precious memory. She had locked +it up and put it away, beyond the reach of courts and relatives. + +During many wakeful hours she had recalled each minute detail of that +amazing interview in the garden, and had tried to estimate and +foreshadow the young man's plan of escape from the secret police. + +Perhaps he had been taken during the night. The greatest good fortune +that she could picture for him was a quick flight across the frontier, +which meant that he would never return--that she had seen him once and +could not hope to see him again. + +In her contemplation of the luminous figure of the Only Young Man, she +had ceased to speculate concerning her own misfortunes. The fact of her +disgrace remained in the background, eclipsed--not in evidence except as +a dim shadow over the day. + +While she sat immovable, gazing into the street, feeling within herself +a tumult which was not of pain, nor yet of pleasure, but a satisfactory +commingling of both, she heard her name spoken. Popova was standing in +the doorway. He greeted her with a smile and bow, both of which struck +her as being singularly affected, for he was not given to polite +observances. As he squatted near her, she noticed that he was tremulous +and seemed almost frightened about something. + +"I have come to tell you that I regret exceedingly the--the distressing +incident of yesterday, and that I sympathize with you deeply--deeply," +he began. + +"It is your fault," she said, turning from him and again gazing into the +street. "You taught me everything I do not need in Morovenia. You +neglected the one essential. I am not blind. It was never your desire +that I should be like my sister." + +She spoke in a low monotone and with no tinge of resentment, but her +words had an immediate and perturbing effect on Popova, who stared at +her wide-eyed and seemed unable to find his voice. + +"You must know that I have been governed by your father's wishes," he +said awkwardly. "Why do you--" + +"Do not misunderstand me. I thank you for what you have done. I would +not be other than what I am. Tell me--the stranger--you know, the one in +the garden--has he been taken?" inquired the Princess. + +"Taken! Taken! Not even a clue--not a trace! Either the earth opened to +swallow him or else Koldo is a dunce. The description was most accurate. +By the way, I--I had a most interesting conversation regarding the case, +with a young man at the Hotel de l'Europe last evening. He is a person +of great importance in his own country, also a student of +world-politics--I--he--never have I encountered such discrimination in +one so young. It was because of my admiration for his talents and my +confidence in his integrity that I consented to deliver a message for +him." + +Kalora squirmed in her pillows, and turned eagerly to face Popova. + +"A message? For me?" she cried, eagerly. + +"I will admit that the whole proceeding is most irregular, to put it +mildly. The young man was so deeply interested in your perilous +adventure of yesterday, and so desirous of felicitating you upon your +escape, that I yielded to his importunities and promised to deliver to +you this letter." + +He brought it out cautiously, as if it were loaded with an explosive, +and Kalora pounced upon it. + +"I rely upon you to maintain absolute secrecy in regard to my part in +this unusual--" + +But Kalora, unheeding him, had torn open the letter and was reading, as +follows: + + MY DEAR PRINCESS: + + I hope that's the way to begin. Something tells me that you would not + stand for "Your Majesty" or any of these "Royal Highness" trimmings. + + Believe me, you are the best ever. I have just had a talk with the + eminent plain-clothes man who is looking for the burglar that broke into + the garden this afternoon and tried to steal you. He read to me the + description. Say, if I tried to write at this minute all of my present + emotions concerning you, I would burn holes in the paper. When it comes + to turning out fiction, Marie Corelli is not in the running. Honestly, + when Mr. Detective walked into the hotel this evening, I figured it a + toss-up whether I should ever see home and mother again. + + I am only an humble steel-maker, but I am for you and I want to see you + again and tell you right to your face what I think of you. If you will + sort of happen to be in the garden at 4 p.m. to-morrow (Thursday), I + will come over the wall at the very spot I picked out to-day. I know + that this method of becoming acquainted with young women is not indorsed + by the _Ladies_' _Home Journal_ or Beatrice Fairfax, but, as nearly as I + can find out, there is no other way in which I can get into society over + here. + + So far as the bloodhounds of the law are concerned, don't give them a + thought. I have met, the great Koldo, and he won't know until about next + Sunday that yesterday was Tuesday. The professor has promised to bring a + reply to the hotel. He is not on. + + Sincerely, + YOUR GERMAN FRIEND. + + +She read it all and found herself gasping--surprised, frightened, and +moved to a fluttering delight. She had thought of him as skulking in +byways, of concealing his name and attempting to disguise himself so +that he might dodge through the meshes woven by the invincible Koldo, +and here he was, still flaunting himself at the hotel and calmly +preparing to repeat his hazardous experiment. + +"He is a fool!" she exclaimed, forgetting that Popova was present. + +"I trust the message has not offended you," said the tutor, decidedly +alarmed at her agitation and not understanding what it meant. + +"I tell you he is a fool--a fool!" she repeated. And while Popova +wondered, she sprang to her feet and ran to him and gave him a muscular +embrace around the tender portion of his neck, for he still squatted +after the oriental manner, even though he wore a long black coat of +German make. + +"I consented to bring it because he was most urgent, and seemed a proper +sort of person," began Popova, "and not knowing the contents--" + +"Bless you, I am not offended," interrupted Kalora, and then, looking at +the letter again, she burst into happy laughter. + +The young stranger was unquestionably a fool. She had not dreamed that +any one could be so reckless and heedless, so contemptuous of the dread +machinery of the law, so willing to risk his very life for the sake +of--of seeing her again! + +"If he has been impertinent, possibly you will take no notice of his +communication," suggested Popova. + +"Oh, I _must_--I must at least acknowledge the receipt of it. Common +courtesy demands that. I shall write just a few lines and you must take +them to him at once. He seems to be a very forward person unacquainted +with our local customs, and so I shall formally thank him and suggest to +him that any further correspondence would be inadvisable. That's the +really proper thing to do, don't you think?" + +"Possibly." + +"Then wait here until I have written it, and unless you wish me to go to +my father and tell him something that would put an end to your +illustrious career, deliver this message within a hour--deliver it +yourself. Give it to him and to no one else." + +Never was a go-between more nonplussed, but he promised with a readiness +and a sincerity which indicated that he was keenly aware of the fact +that Kalora held him in her power. The minx had read his secret without +an effort! + +Mr. Pike was waiting in the avenue of potted palms when the greatest +scholar of southeastern Europe, now reduced to the humble role of +messenger boy, came to him, somewhat flurried and breathless, and +slipped a small envelope into his hand. + +Popova rather curtly refused to renew his acquaintance with occidental +fizzes, and waited only until he had announced to Mr. Pike that the +Princess wished to emphasize the advice contained in the letter and to +assure the presumptuous stranger that it was meant for his welfare. + +This is what Mr. Pike read: + + My very good friend: + + I have protected you, not because you deserve protection, but because I + like you very much. You must not come to the palace grounds again. They + are now under double guard and, if I attempted to meet you, no doubt a + whole company of our big soldiers would surround you and surely you + could not overcome so many powerful men. I am thinking only of your + safety. I beg you to leave Morovenia at once. Your danger is greater + than you can imagine. What more can I say, except that I shall always + remember you? Sincerely, + + K. + +Mr. Pike read it carefully three times and then told himself aloud that +it was not what he would precisely term a love-letter. + +"I may have made an impression, but certainly not a ten-strike," he +thought to himself, as he folded up the missive and put it into the most +sacred compartment of his Russia-leather pocketbook, along with the +letter of credit. + +"I fear me that the incident is closed," he said. "I would stay here one +year if I thought there was a chance of seeing her again, but if she +wants me to fly I guess I had better fly." + +That evening, after an earnest controversy with the manager over a very +complicated bill, studded with "extras," Mr. Alexander H. Pike, +accompanied by dragoman, leather trunks, hat-boxes and hold-alls, drove +away to the transcontinenta express, and slept soundly while crossing +the dangerous frontier. + +Possibly he would not have slept so soundly if he had known that at four +o'clock that afternoon the Princess Kalora had been idling her time in +the palace garden, walking back and forth near the high wall. + +She had told him not to come, and of course he would not come. No one +could be so audacious and foolhardy as to invite destruction after being +solemnly warned--and yet, if he _did_ come, she wanted to be there to +speak to him again and rebuke him and tell him not to come a third time. + +She went back to her apartment much relieved and intensely disappointed. + +Such is the perverseness of the feminine nature, even in Morovenia. + + + + +IX + +AS TO WASHINGTON, D.C. + + +About the time that Mr. Pike arrived in Vienna, and after Kalora had +been in voluntary retirement for some forty-eight hours, the famous +Koldo, head of the secret police, came into possession of a most +important clue. + +Having searched for two days, without finding the trail of the criminal +with the black mustache and the German accent, he bethought himself of +the wisdom of going to the garden where the intruder had engaged in a +desperate struggle with the two guards. Possibly he would discover +incriminating footprints. Instead, he found some scraps of paper, with +printing of a foreign character. + +By questioning the guards he learned that these tatters had come from a +printed book which the mysterious stranger had carried, and which he +never relinquished even while reducing his foes to insensibility. + +Koldo put these pieces of paper into a strong envelope, which he sealed +and marked "Exhibit A," and delivered his precious find to the +Governor-General. + +While Mr. Pike sat in Ronacher's at Vienna, watching a most entertaining +vaudeville performance, Count Selim Malagaski was in his library, +conferring with the wise Popova. + +"How did he escape?" asked Count Malagaski again and again, shaking his +head. "The police have searched every corner of the town, and can find +no one answering the description." + +"Have you questioned Kalora again?" + +"Yes, and she now remembers that he had a very heavy scar over his +right eye. Her description and these few scraps of paper torn from the +book he was carrying are all that we have to guide us in our search." + +The Governor-General held up the several remnants of a ten-cent +magazine. + +"It is in English; I read it badly." + +He gave the torn pages to the old tutor, and Popova, picking up the +first, read as follows: + + What is the great danger that threatens the American woman? It is + _obesity_. It is well known that ninety-nine per cent of all the women + in the United States are striving to reduce their weight. For all such + we have a message of hope. Write to Madam Clarissa and she---- + +"The remainder is torn away," said Popova. + +The Governor-General had been leaning forward, listening intently. "Do +you mean to say that there is a country in which all the woman are fat?" +he asked. + +"It would seem so," replied Popova. "Let us read further." He picked up +another of the torn pages and read aloud: + + To the Oatena Company of Pine Creek, Michigan: + + When I began using your wonderful health-food I was a mere skeleton. I + have been living on it for three months and I have gained a pound a day. + Permit me to express the conviction that you are real benefactors to the + human race. Gratefully yours, + + OSCAR TILBURY, + Oakdale, Arkansas. + +"Stop!" exclaimed the Governor-General, striking the table. "Is it +possible that somewhere in this world there is a food which will add a +pound a day?" + +"The testimonial seems genuine," replied Popova. "It has been sworn to +before a notary." + +"What country is this?" + +"America, the land of milk and honey." + +"Both very fattening," commented the Governor-General. "Popova, I have +an inspiration. You well know that my situation here is most desperate. +I must find husbands for these two daughters, but I dare not hope that +any one will come for Kalora until the disgraceful affair has been +forgotten and I can absolutely demonstrate that she has developed into +some degree of attractiveness. It is better for all concerned that she +should leave Morovenia until the present scandal blows over. Now, why +not America? It is a remote, half-savage country, and she will be far +from the temptations which would beset her at any fashionable capital in +Europe. We read in this magazine that all the women in America are fat. +She will come back to us in a little while as plump as a partridge. From +the sworn testimonial it would appear that she can obtain in America a +marvelous food which will cause her to gain a pound a day. She now +weighs one hundred and eighteen pounds. If she remained there a year she +would weigh, let me see--one hundred and eighteen plus three hundred and +sixty-five--oh, that doesn't seem possible! That is too good to be true! +But even six months, or only three months, would be sufficient. She +_must_ be sent away for a while, in the care of some one who will guard +her carefully. Read up on America to-night, and let me know all about it +in the morning." + +Next day Popova, having consulted all the British authorities at hand, +reported that the United States of America covered a large but +undeveloped area, that the population was so engrossed with the +accumulation of wealth that it gave little heed to pleasures or +intellectual relaxation, and that the country as a whole was unworthy of +consideration except as the abode of a swollen material prosperity. + +"Just the place for her," exclaimed the Governor-General. "No pleasures +to distract her, an atmosphere of plodding commercialism, an abundance +of health-giving nourishment! Perhaps the mere change of climate will +have the desired effect. We will make the experiment. She is doomed if +she remains here, and America seems to be our only hope. I suppose our +beloved Monarch sends a minister to that country. If so, communicate +with the Secretary of the Legation and request him to secure secluded +apartments for her and a suite. You shall accompany her." + +"I?" exclaimed Popova, unable to conceal his joy. + +"Yes; she must be under careful restraint all the time. What is the +capital of the United States?" + +"Washington. It is a sleepy and well-behaved town. I have looked it up." + +"Good! You shall take her to Washington. If one of the many civil wars +should break out, or there should be an uprising of the red men, she can +hurry to the protection of the Turkish Embassy. Let us make immediate +preparations--and remember, Popova, that my whole future happiness as a +father depends upon the success of this expedition." + +When Kalora was gravely informed by her father that she and the tutor +and a half-dozen female attendants were to be bundled up and sent away +to America, and that she was to do penance, take a dieting treatment, +and come back in due time to try and atone for her unfortunate past, did +she weep and beg to be allowed to remain at her own dear home? No; she +listened in apparently meek and rather mournful submission, and, after +her father went away, she turned handsprings across the room. + +Her utmost dream of happiness had been realized. She was to go to the +land of the red-headed stranger where she would be admired and courted, +and where, in time, she might aspire to the ultimate honor of having her +picture in a ten-cent magazine. + + + + +X + +ON THE WING + + +The train rolled away from the low and dingy station and was in the open +country of Morovenia. Kalora and her elderly guardian and the young +women who were to be her companions during the period of exile had been +tucked away into adjoining compartments. Each young woman was muffled +and veiled according to the most discreet and orthodox rules. + +Popova's bright red fez contrasted strangely with his silvering hair, +but no more strangely than did this wondrous experience of starting for +a new world contrast with the quiet years that he had spent among his +books. + +The train sped into the farm-lands. On either side was a wide stretch +of harvest fields, heaving into gentle billows, with here and there a +shabby cluster of buildings. If Kalora had only known, Morovenia was +very much like the far-away America, except that Morovenia had not +learned to decorate the hillsides with billboards. + +At last she was to have a taste of freedom! No father to scold and +plead; no much-superior sister to torment her with reproaches; no +peering through grated windows at one little rectangle of outside +sunshine. To be sure, Popova had received explicit and positive +instructions concerning her government. But Popova--pshaw! + +She unwound her veil and removed her head-gear and sat bareheaded by the +car-window, greedily welcoming each new picture that swung into view. + +"You must keep your face covered while we are in public or semi-public +places," said Popova gently, repeating his instructions to the very +letter. + +"I shall not." + +Thus ended any exercise of Popova's authority during the whole journey. + +Before the train had come to Budapest all the young women, urged on to +insubordination, had removed their veils, and Kalora had boldly invaded +another compartment to engage in rapt and feverish dialogue with a +little but vivacious Frenchwoman. + +Two hours out from Vienna, the tutor found her involved in a business +conference with a guard of the train. She had learned that the tickets +permitted a stopover in Vienna. She wished to see Vienna. She had +decided to spend one whole day in Vienna. + +Popova, as usual, made a feeble show of maintaining his authority, but +he was overruled. + +Count Selim Malagaski, at home, consulting the prearranged schedule, +said, "This morning they have arrived in Paris and Popova is arranging +for the steamship tickets." + +At which very moment, Kalora was in an open carriage driving from one +Vienna shop to another, trying to find ready-made garments similar to +those worn by Mrs. Rawley Plumston. Popova was now a bundle-carrier. + +The shopping in Vienna was merely a prelude to a riotous extravagance of +time and money in Paris. Popova, writing under dictation, sent a message +to Morovenia to the effect that they had been compelled to wait a week +in order to get comfortable rooms on a steamer. + +Kalora had the dressmakers working night and day. + +She and her mother and her grandmother and her great-grandmother and the +whole line of maternal ancestors had been under suppression and had +attired themselves according to the directions of a religious Prophet, +who had been ignorant concerning color effects. And yet, now that Kalora +had escaped from the cage, the original instinct asserted itself. The +love of finery can not be eliminated from any feminine species. + +When she boarded the steamer she was outwardly a creature of the New +World. + +From the moment of embarking she seemed exhilarated by the salt air and +the spirit of democracy. + +She lingered in New York--more shopping. + +By the time she arrived at Washington and went breezing in to call upon +a certain dignified young Secretary, the transformation was complete. +She might not have been put together strictly according to mode, but she +was learning rapidly, and willing to learn more rapidly. + + + + +XI + +AN OUTING--A REUNION + + +The Secretary of the Legation at Washington was surprised to receive a +letter from the Governor-General of Morovenia requesting him to find +apartments for the Princess Kalora and a small retinue. The letter +explained that the Governor-General's daughter had been given a long +sea-voyage and assigned to a period of residence within the quiet +boundaries of Washington, in the hope that her health might be improved. + +The Secretary looked up the list of hotels and boarding-houses. He did +not deem it advisable to send a convalescent to one of the large and +busy hotels; neither did he think it proper to reserve rooms for her at +an ordinary boarding-house, where she would sit at the same table with +department-employees and congressmen. So he compromised on a very +exclusive hotel patronized by legislators who had money of their own, by +many of the titled attaches of the embassies, and by families that came +during the season with the hope of edging their way into official +society. He explained to the manager of the hotel that the Princess +Kalora was an invalid, would require secluded apartments, and probably +would not care to meet any of the other persons living at the hotel. + +Within a week after the rooms had been reserved the invalid drove up to +the Legation to thank the Secretary for his kindness. Now, the Secretary +had lived in modern capitals for many years, was trained in diplomacy, +and had schooled himself never to appear surprised. But the Princess +Kalora fairly bowled him over. He had pictured her as a wan and waxen +creature, who would be carried to the hotel in a closed carriage or +ambulance, there to recline by the windowside and look out at the +rustling leaves. He had decided, after hours of deliberation, that the +etiquette of the situation would be for some member of the Legation to +call upon her about once a week and take flowers to her. + +And here was the invalid, bounding out of a coupe, tripping up the front +steps and bursting in upon him like an untamed Amazon from the prairies +of Nebraska. She wore a tailor-made suit of dark material, a sailor hat, +tan gloves with big welts on the back and stout, low-heeled Oxfords. +This was the young woman who had come five thousand miles to improve +her health! This was the child of the Orient, and in the Orient, woman +is a hothouse flower. This was the timid young recluse to whom the +soft-spoken diplomats were to carry a few roses about once a week. + +Why had she called upon the Secretary? First, to thank him for having +engaged the rooms; second, to invite him to take her out to a country +club and teach her the game of golf. She had heard people at the hotel +talking about golf. The game had been strongly commended to her by a +congressman's daughter, with whom she had ascended to the top of the +Washington Monument. + +When the Secretary, having recovered his breath, asked if she felt +strong enough to attempt such a vigorous game, she was moved to silvery +laughter. She told what she had accomplished during three short days in +Washington. She had attended two matinees with Popova, had gone motoring +into the Virginia hills, had inspected all the public buildings, and +studied every shop-window in Pennsylvania Avenue. The Secretary knew +that all this outdoor freedom was not usually accorded a young woman of +his native domain, and yet he felt that he had no authority to restrain +her or correct her. She was a princess, and he was relatively a +subordinate, and, when she requested him to take her to the country +club, he gave an embarrassed consent. + +"You have been in America a long time?" she asked. + +"About three years." + +"You have met many people--that is, the important people?" + +"All of them are important over here. Those that are not very wealthy +or very eminent are getting ready to be." + +"I am wondering if you could tell me something about a young man I met +abroad. I met him only once, and I have quite forgotten his name." + +"I'm afraid I haven't met him." + +"He is rather good-looking and has--well, red hair; not rusty red, but a +sort of golden red." + +"There are millions of red-haired young men in America." + +"Please don't discourage me. Now I remember the name of his home. He +lived in Pennsa--Pennsylvania, that's it." + +"Pennsylvania is about four times as large as Morovenia." + +"But he is very wealthy. He talked as if he had come into millions." + +"I can well believe it. The millionaires of Pennsylvania are even as +the sands of the sea or the leaves of the forest." + +"He owns some sort of mills or factories--where they make steel." + +"Every millionaire in Pennsylvania has something to do with steel. Now, +if you were searching in that state for a young man who is penniless and +has nothing to do with the steel industry, possibly I might be of some +service to you. The whole area of Pennsylvania is simply infested with +millionaires. Not all of them are red-headed, but they will be, before +Congress gets through with them." + +This playful lapse into the American vernacular was quite lost upon the +Princess Kalora, who was sitting very still and gazing in a most +disconsolate manner at the Secretary. + +"I felt sure that you could tell me all about him," she said. + +"Believe me, if I encounter any young millionaire from Pennsylvania, +whose hair is golden-red, I shall put detectives on his trail and let +you know at once. You met him abroad?" + +"At a garden party in Morovenia." + +"Indeed! Garden parties in Morovenia! And yet that is not one-half as +surprising as to find you here in Washington." + +"You are not displeased to find me here?" + +"Charmed--delighted." + +"And you will take me to the country club?" + +"At any time. It will really give me much pleasure." + +"I shall drop a note. Good-by." + +He stood at the window to watch her as she nimbly jumped into the coupe +and was driven away. + +That evening he made a most astonishing report to his intimates of the +corps and asked: + +"What shall I do?" + +"Do you feel competent to take charge of her and regulate her conduct?" + +"I do not." + +"Have you instructions to watch her and make sure that she observes the +etiquette and keeps within the restrictions of her own country while she +is visiting in Washington?" + +"Nothing of the sort." + +"From your first interview with her, do you believe that it would be +advisable for any of us to attempt to interfere with her plans?" + +"Decidedly not." + +"Then take her to the country club and teach her the game of golf, and +remember the old saying at home, that no man was ever given praise for +attempting to govern another man's family." + +So it was settled that the Legation would not attempt any supervision of +Kalora's daily program. And it was a very wise decision, for the daily +program was complicated and the Legation would have been kept +exceedingly busy. + +Popova became merely a sort of footman, or modified chaperon. He knew +that he had no real authority and seldom attempted even the most timid +suggestions as to her conduct. Once or twice he mentioned health-food +and dieting, and was pooh-poohed into a corner. As for the women +attendants, who had been sent along that they might be the companions of +the Princess during the long hours of loneliness and seclusion, they +were trained to act as hair-dressers and French maids and repairing +seamstresses! + +Kalora had money and a title and physical attractions. Could she well +escape the gaieties of Washington? Be assured that she made no effort to +escape them. She followed the busy routine of dinners and balls, +receptions and afternoon teas, her childish enthusiasm never lagging. +She could play at golf and she seemed to know horseback riding the first +time she tried it, and after the first two weeks she drove her own +motor-car. + +The letters that went back to Morovenia were fairly dripping with +superlatives and happy adjectives. She was delighted with Washington; +she was in excellent health; the members of the Legation were very +thoughtful in their attentions; the autumn weather was all that could be +desired; her apartments at the hotel were charming. In fact, her whole +life was rose-colored, but never a word of real news for her anxious +father and sister--nothing about gaining a pound a day. The +Governor-General hoped from the encouraging tone of the letters that she +was quietly housed, out in the borders of some primeval forest, +gradually enlarging into the fullness of perfect womanhood. + +About three months after her departure, in order to reassure himself +regarding the progress in her case, he wrote a letter to the minister at +Washington. He told the minister that his child was disposed to be +unruly and that Popova had become careless and somewhat indefinite in +his reports--and would he, the minister, please write and let an anxious +parent know the actual weight of Princess Kalora? + +The minister resented this manner of request. He did not feel that it +was within the duties of a high official to go out and weigh young +women, so he replied briefly that he knew no way of ascertaining the +exact weight of an acrobatic young woman who never stood still long +enough to be weighed, but he could assure the father that she was +somewhat slimmer and more petite than when she arrived in Washington a +few weeks before. + +This letter slowly traveled back to Morovenia, and on the very day of +its delivery to Count Selim Malagaski, who read it aloud and then went +into a frothing paroxysm of rage, the Princess Kalora in Washington +figured in a most joyful episode. + +A western millionaire, who had bought a large cubical palace on one of +the radiating avenues, was giving a dancing-party, to which the entire +blue book had been invited. Kalora went, trailed by the long-suffering +Popova. She wore her most fetching Parisian gown, and decked herself +out with wrought jewelry of quaint and heavy design, which was the envy +of all the other young women in town, and she put in a very busy night, +for she danced with army officers, and lieutenants of the navy, and one +senator, and goodness knows how many half-grown diplomats. + +At two o'clock in the morning she was in the supper-room: a fairly late +hour for a young woman supposed to be leading a quiet life. The food set +before her would not have been prescribed for a tender young creature +who was dieting. She was supping riotously on stuffed olives. Her +companion was a young gentleman from the army. They sat beneath a huge +palm. The tables were crowded together rather closely. + +She chanced to look across at the little table to her right, and she +saw a young man--a young man with light hair almost ripe enough to be +auburn. + +With a smothered "Oh!" she dropped the olive poised between her fingers, +and as she did so, he looked across and saw her and exclaimed: + +"Well, I'll be--" + +He came over, almost upsetting two tables in his impetuous course. She +expected to see him jump over them. + +He seized her hand and gazed at her in grinning delight, and the young +gentleman from the army went into total eclipse. + + + + +XII + +THE GOVERNOR CABLES + + +"I don't believe it. It's too good to be true. I am in a trance. It +isn't you, is it?" + +And he was still holding her hand. + +"Yes--it is." + +"The Princess--ah--?" + +"Kalora." + +"_That's_ it. I was so busy thinking of you after I left your cute +little country that I couldn't remember the name. I thought of 'calico' +and 'Fedora' and 'Kokomo' and a lot of names that sounded like it, but I +knew I was wrong. _Kalora_--_Kalora_--I'll remember that. I knew it +began with a 'K.' But what in the name of all that is pure and +sanctified are you doing in the land of the free?" + +"You invited me to come. Don't you remember? You urged me to come." + +"That's why you notified me as soon as you arrived, isn't it? How long +have you been here?" + +"I forget--three months--four months. Surely you have seen my name in +the papers. Every morning you may read a full description of what +Princess Kalora of Morovenia wore the night before. For a simple and +democratic people you are rather fond of high-sounding titles, don't you +think?" + +"I haven't read the papers, because I'm always afraid I'll find +something about myself. They don't describe my costumes, however. They +simply say that I am trying to blow up and scuttle the ship of State. +But this has nothing to do with your case. It is customary, when you +accept an invitation, to let the host know something about it. In other +words, why didn't you drop me a line?" + +"I will confess--the whole truth--since you have been candid enough to +admit that you had forgotten my name. I tried to find you, through the +Legation. I described you, but--your name--_please_ tell me your name +again? You mentioned it, that day in the garden. Popova promised to go +to the hotel and get it for me, but we were bundled away in such a +hurry." + +"Heavens! Imagine any one forgetting such a name! Alexander H. Pike, +Bessemer, Pennsylvania, tariff-fed infant and all-round plutocrat." + +"Why, of course, _Pike, Pike_--it is the name of a fish." + +"Thank you." + +The young gentleman from the army moved uneasily, and they remembered +that he was present. He hoped they wouldn't mind if he went to look up +his partner for the next dance, and they assured him that they wouldn't, +and he believed them and was backing away when Popova arrived to suggest +the lateness of the hour and intimate his willingness to return to the +hotel. + +His sudden journey to the western hemisphere and his period of residence +at Washington had been punctuated with surprises, but the amazement +which smote him when he saw Kalora leaning across the table toward the +young man who had introduced the gin fizz into Morovenia was sudden and +shocking. + +Mr. Pike greeted him rapturously and gave him the keys to North America, +and then Kalora patted him on the arm and sent him away to wait for her. + +They sat and talked for an hour--sat and talked and laughed and pieced +out between them the wonderful details of that very lively day in +Morovenia. + +"And you have come all the way to Washington, D.C. in order to increase +your weight?" he asked. "That certainly would make a full-page story for +a Sunday paper. Think of anybody's coming to Washington to fatten up! +Why, when I come down here to regulate these committees, I lose a pound +a day." + +"I never dreamed that there could be a country in which women are given +so much freedom--so many liberties." + +"And what we don't give them, they take--which is eminently correct. Of +all the sexes, there is only one that ever made a real impression on +me." + +"And to think that some day I shall have to return to Morovenia!" + +"Forget it," urged Mr. Pike, in a low and soothing tone. "Far be it from +me to start anything in your family, but if I were you, I would never +go back there to serve a life sentence in one of those lime-kilns, with +a curtain over my face. You are now at the spot where woman is real +superintendent of the works, and this is where you want to camp for the +rest of your life." + +"But I can not disobey my father. I dare not remain if he--" + +She paused, realizing that the talk had led her to dangerous ground, for +Mr. Pike had dropped his large hand on her small one and was gazing at +her with large devouring eyes. + +"You won't go back if I can help it," he said, leaning still nearer to +her. "I know this is a little premature, even for me, but I just want +you to know that from the minute I looked down from the wall that day +and saw you under the tree--well, I haven't been able to find anything +else in the world worth looking at. When I met you again to-night, I +didn't remember your name. You didn't remember my name. What of that? We +know each other pretty well--don't you think we do? The way you looked +at me, when I came across to speak to you--I don't know, but it made me +believe, all at once, that maybe you had been thinking of me, the same +as I had been thinking of you. If I'm saying more than I have a right to +say, head me off, but, for once in my life, I'm in earnest." + +"I'm glad--you like me," she said, and she pushed back in her chair and +looked down and away from him and felt that her face was burning with +blushes. + +"When you have found out all about me, I hope you'll keep on speaking to +me just the same," he continued. "I warn you that, from now on, I am +going to pester you a lot. You'll find me sitting on your front +door-step every morning, ready to take orders. To-morrow I must hie me +to New York, to explain to some venerable directors why the net earnings +have fallen below forty per cent. But when I return, O fair maiden, look +out for me." + +He would be back in Washington within three days. He would come to her +hotel. They were to ride in the motor-car and they were to go to the +theaters. She must meet his mother. His mother would take her to New +York, and there would be the opera, and this, and that, and so on, for +he was going to show her all the attractions of the Western Hemisphere. + +The night was thinning into the grayness of dawn when he took her to +the waiting carriage. She put her hand through the window and he held it +for a long time, while they once more went over their delicious plans. + +After the carriage had started, Popova spoke up from his dark corner. + +"I am beginning to understand why you wished to come to America. Also I +have made a discovery. It was Mr. Pike who overcame the guards and +jumped over the wall." + +"I shall ask the Governor-General to give you Koldo's position." + +An enormous surprise was waiting for them at the hotel. It was a cable +from Morovenia--long, decisive, definite, composed with an utter +disregard for heavy tolls. It directed Popova to bring the shameless +daughter back to Morovenia immediately--not a moment's delay under pain +of the most horrible penalties that could be imagined. They were to take +the first steamer. They were to come home with all speed. Surely there +was no mistaking the fierce intent of the message. + +Popova suffered a moral collapse and Kalora went into a fit of weeping. +Both of them feared to return and yet, at such a crisis, they knew that +they dared not disobey. + +The whole morning was given over to hurried packing-up. An afternoon +train carried them to New York. A steamer was to sail early next day, +and they went aboard that very night. + +[Illustration: They were to come home with all speed.] + +Kalora had left a brief message at her hotel in Washington. It was +addressed to Mr. Alexander H. Pike, and simply said that something +dreadful had happened, that she had been called home, that she was +going back to a prison the doors of which would never swing open for +her, and she must say good-by to him for ever. + +She tried to communicate with him before sailing away from New York. +Messenger boys, bribed with generous cab-fares, were sent to all the +large hotels, but they could not find the right Mr. Pike. The real Mr. +Pike was living at a club. + +She leaned over the railing and watched the gang-plank until the very +moment of sailing, hoping that he might appear. But he did not come, and +she went to her state-room and tried to forget him, and to think of +something other than the reception awaiting her back in the dismal +region known as Morovenia. + + + + +XIII + +THE HOME-COMING + + +The Governor-General waited in the main reception-room for the truant +expedition. He was hoping against hope. Orders had been given that +Popova, Kalora and the whole disobedient crew should be brought before +him as soon as they arrived. His wrath had not cooled, but somehow his +confidence in himself seemed slowly to evaporate, as it came time for +him to administer the scolding--the scolding which he had rehearsed over +and over in his mind. + +He heard the rolling wheels grit on the drive outside, and then there +was murmuring conversation in the hallway, and then Kalora entered. His +most dreadful suspicions were ten times confirmed. She wore no veil and +no flowing gown. She was tightly incased in a gray cloth suit, and there +was no mistaking the presence of a corset underneath. On her head was a +kind of Alpine hat with a defiant feather standing upright at one side. +Before her father had time to study the details of this barbaric +costume, he sat staring at her as she was silhouetted for an instant +between him and the open window. + +Merciful Mahomet! She was as lean and supple as an Austrian race-horse! + +He could say nothing. She ran over and gave him a smack on the forehead +and then said cheerily: + +"Well, popsy, here I am! What do you think of me?" + +While Count Selim Malagaski was holding to his chair and trying to sort +out from the limited vocabulary of Morovenia the words that could +express his boiling emotions, he saw Popova standing shamefaced in the +doorway. Was it really Popova? The tutor wore a traveling-suit with +large British checks, a blue four-in-hand, and, instead of a fez, a +rakish cap with a peak in front. As he edged into the room the young +women attendants filed timidly behind him. Horror upon horrors! They +were in shirt-waists, with skirts that came tightly about the hips, and +every one of them wore a chip hat, and not one of them was veiled! + +The Governor-General tried to steady himself in order to meet this +unprecedented crisis. + +"So this is how you have managed my affairs?" he said in angry tones to +the trembling Popova. + +[Illustration: Popsy.] + +"What is the meaning of this shocking exhibition?" + +"Don't blame him, father," spoke up Kalora. "I am responsible for +whatever has happened. We have seen something of the world. We have +learned that Morovenia is about two hundred years behind the times. They +knew that you would not approve, but I have compelled them to have the +courage of their convictions. You can see for yourself that we no longer +belong here. There is but one thing for you to do, and that is to send +us away again." + +"No!" exclaimed her father, banging his fist on the table, and then +coming to his feet. "You shall remain here--all of you--and be punished! +You have ruined your own prospects; you have condemned your poor sister +to a life of single misery, and you have made your father the +laughing-stock of all Morovenia! If I can not reform you and make you a +dutiful child, at least I can make an example of you!" + +"Stop!" she said very sharply. "Let us not have an unfortunate scene in +the presence of the servants. If you have anything to say to me, send +them away, and remember also, father, I have certain rights which even +you must respect. Also, I have a great surprise for you. I am beautiful. +Hundreds of young men have told me so. Under no circumstances would I +permit myself to become large and gross and bulky. You are disheartened +because no young man in Morovenia wishes to marry me. Bless you, there +isn't a young man in this country worth marrying!" + +"Young woman, you have taxed my patience far beyond the limit," said +her father, speaking low in an effort to control his wrath. "Hereafter +you shall never go beyond the walls of this palace! You shall be a +waiting-maid for your sister! The servants shall be instructed to treat +you as a menial--one of their own class! These shameless women are +dismissed from my service! As for you"--turning upon the old tutor--"you +shall be put away under lock and key until I can devise some punishment +severe enough to fit your case!" + +That night Kalora slept on a hard and narrow cot in a bare apartment +adjoining her sister's gorgeous boudoir--quite a change from the suite +overlooking the avenue. + +The shirt-waist brigade had been sent into banishment, and poor Popova +was sitting on a wooden stool in a dungeon, thinking of the dinners he +had eaten at Old Point Comfort and wondering if he had not overplayed +himself in the effort to be avenged upon the Governor-General. + + + + +XIV + +HEROISM REWARDED + + +A month later Popova was still in prison, and had demonstrated that even +after one has lunched for several months at the Shoreham, the New +Willard and the Raleigh, he may subsist on such simple fare as bread and +water. + +Kalora had been humiliated to the uttermost, but her spirit was unbroken +and defiant. + +She was nominally a servant, but Jeneka and the others dared not attempt +any overbearing attitude toward her, for they feared her sharp and ready +wit. + +The fires of inward wrath seemed to have reduced her weight a few +pounds, so that if ever a man faced a situation of unbroken gloom, that +man was the poor Governor-General. + +Count Malagaski sat in the large, over-decorated audience room, alone +with his sorrowful meditations. An attendant brought him a note. + +"The man is at the gate," said the attendant. "He started to come in. We +tried to keep him out. He pushed three of the soldiers out of the way, +but we finally held him back, so he sends this note." + +A few lines had been written in pencil on the reverse side of a +typewritten business letter. The Governor-General could speak English, +but he read it rather badly, so he sent for his secretary, who told him +that the note ran as follows: + + You don't know me and there is no need to give my name. Must see you + on important matter of business. Something in regard to your daughter. + +"Great Heavens, another one!" said the Governor-General. "There are one +thousand young men ready and willing to marry Jeneka and not one in all +the world wants Kalora. Send him away!" + +"I am afraid he won't go," suggested the attendant. "He is a very +positive character." + +"Then send him in to me. I can dispose of his case in short order." + +A few moments later Count Selim Malagaski found himself sitting face to +face with a ruddy young man in a blue suit--a square-shouldered, smiling +young gentleman, with hair of subdued auburn. + +"I take it that you're a busy man and I'll come to the point," said the +young man, pulling up his chair. "I try to be business from the word go, +even in matters of this kind. You have a daughter." + +"I have two daughters," replied the Governor-General sadly. + +"You have only one that interests me. I have been around a good deal, +but she is about the finest looking girl I--" + +"Before you say any more, let me explain to you," said the +Governor-General very courteously. "Perhaps you are not entitled to this +information, but you seem to be a gentleman and a person of some +importance, and you have done me the honor to admire my daughter, and, +therefore, it is well that you should know all the facts in the case. I +have two daughters. One is exceedingly beautiful and her hand has been +sought in marriage by young men of the very first families of Morovenia, +notably Count Luis Muldova, who owns a vast estate near the Roumanian +frontier. I have another daughter who is decidedly unattractive, so +much so that she has never had an offer of marriage. I am telling you +all this because it is known to all Morovenia, and even you, a stranger, +would have learned it very soon. Under the law here, a younger sister +may not marry until the elder sister has married. My unattractive +daughter is the elder of the two. Do you see the point? Do you +understand, when you come talking of a marriage with my one desirable +daughter, that not only are you competing with all the wealthy and +titled young men of this country, but also you are condemned to sit down +and patiently wait until the elder sister has married,--which means, my +dear sir, that probably you will wait for ever? Therefore I think I may +safely wish you good day." + +"Hold on, here," said the visitor, who had been listening intently, +with his eyes half-closed, and nodding his head quickly as he caught the +points of the unusual situation. "If I can fix it up with you and +daughter--and I don't think I'll have any trouble with daughter--what's +the matter with my rustling around and finding a good man for sister? +There is no reason why any young woman with a title should go into the +discard these days. At least we can make a try. I have tackled +propositions that looked a good deal tougher than this." + +"Do you think it possible that you could find a desirable husband for a +young woman who has no physical charms and who, on two or three +occasions, has scandalized our entire court?" + +"I don't say I can, but I'm willing to take a whirl at it." + +"My dear sir, before we go any further, tell me something about +yourself. You are an Englishman, I presume?" + +"Great Scott! You're the first one that ever called me that. I have been +called a good many things, but never an Englishman. I'll have to begin +wearing a flag in my hat. I'm an American." + +"American!" gasped the Governor-General. "I am very sorry to hear it. I +have every reason for regarding you and your native country as my +natural enemies." + +"You're dead wrong. America is all right. The States size up pretty well +alongside of this little patch of country." + +"I do not blame you for being loyal to your own home, sir, but isn't it +rather presumptuous for you, an American, to aspire to the hand of a +Princess who could marry any one of a dozen young men of wealth and +social position?" + +"What's the matter with my wealth and social position? I'm willing to +stack up my bank-account with any other candidate. I happen to be worth +eighteen million dollars." + +"Dollars?" repeated the Governor-General, puzzled. "What would that be +in piasters?" + +"It's a shame to tell you. Only about four hundred million piastres, +that's all." + +"What!" exclaimed the Governor-General. "Surely you are joking. How +could one man be worth four hundred million piasters?" + +"Say, if you'll give me a pencil and a pad of paper and about a +half-day's time, I'll figure out for you what Henry Frick is worth in +piasters and then you _would_ have a fit. Why, in the land of ready +money I'm only a third-rater, but I've got the four hundred million, all +right." + +"But have you any social position?" asked the Governor-General. "Any +rank? Any title? Over here those things count for a great deal." + +"I am Grand Exalted Ruler of the Benevolent and Protective Order of +Elks," said the visitor calmly. + +"Really!" + +"I am a Knight Templar." + +"A knight? That is certainly something." + +"Do you see this badge with all the jewels in it? That means that I am a +Noble of the Mystic Shrine." + +"I can see that it is the insignia of a very distinguished order," said +the Governor-General, as he touched it admiringly. + +"What is more, I am King of the Hoo-Hoos." + +"A king?" + +"A sure-enough king. Now, don't you worry about my wealth or my title. +I've got money to burn and I can travel in any company. The thing for us +to do is to get together and find a good husband for the cripple, and +fix up this whole marriage deal. But before we go into it I want to meet +your daughter and find out exactly how I stand with her." + +"That will be unnecessary, and also impossible. Whatever arrangements +you make with me may be regarded as final. My daughter will obey my +wishes." + +"Not for mine! I am not trying to marry any girl that isn't just as keen +for me as I am for her. Why, I've seen her only twice. Let me talk it +over with her, and if she says yes, then you can look me up in +Bradstreet and we'll all know where we stand." + +"I am sorry, but it is absolutely contrary to our customs to permit a +private interview between an unmarried woman and her suitor." + +"Whereas in our country it is the most customary thing in the world! +Now, why should we observe the customs of _your_ country and disregard +the customs of _my_ country, which is about forty times as large and +eighty times as important as your country? Don't be foolish! I may be +the means of pulling you out of a tight hole. You go and send your +daughter here to me. Give me ten minutes with her. I'll state my case to +her, straight from the shoulder, and, if she doesn't give me a lot of +encouragement, I'll grab the first train back to Paris. If she _does_ +give me any encouragement, then you'll see what can be accomplished by +a real live matrimonial agency." + +The Governor-General hesitated, but not for long. The confident manner +of the stranger had inspired him with the first courage that he had felt +for many weeks and revived in him the long-slumbering hope that possibly +there was somewhere in the world a desirable husband for Kalora. He was +about to violate an important rule, but there was no reason why any one +on the outside should hear about it. + +"This is most unusual," he said. "If I comply with your request, I must +beg of you not to mention the fact of this interview to any one. Remain +here." + +He went away, and the young man waited minute after minute, pacing back +and forth the length of the room, cutting nervous circles around the big +office chairs, wiping his palms with his handkerchief and wondering if +he had come on a fool's errand or whether-- + +He heard a rustle of soft garments, and turned. There in the doorway +stood a feminine full moon--an elliptical young woman, with half of her +pink and corpulent face showing above a gauzy veil, her two chubby hands +clasped in front of her, the whole attitude one of massive shyness. + +"I--I beg pardon," he said, staring at her in wonder. + +She tried to speak, but was too much flustered. He saw that she was +smiling behind the veil, and then she came toward him, holding out her +hand. He took the hand, which felt almost squashy, and said: + +"I am very glad to meet you." + +Then there was a pause. + +"Won't you be seated?" he asked. + +She sank into one of the leather chairs and looked up at him with a +little simper, and there was another pause. + +"I--I never have seen you before, have I?" she asked, with a secretive +attempt to take a good look at him. + +"You can search me," he replied, staring at her, as if fascinated by her +wealth of figure. "If I had seen you before, I have a remote suspicion +that I should remember you. I don't think it would be easy to forget +you." + +"You flatter me," she said softly. + +"Do I? Well, I meant every word of it. Will you pardon me for being a +wee bit personal? Are there many young ladies in these parts that are +as--as--corpulent, or fat, or whatever you want to call it--that is, are +you any plumper than the average?" + +"I have been told that I am." + +"Once more pardon me, but have you done anything for it?" + +"For what?" she asked, considerably surprised. + +"I wouldn't have mentioned it, only I think I can give you some good +tips. I had a Cousin Flora who was troubled the same way. About the time +she went to Smith College she got kind of careless with herself, used to +eat a lot of candy and never take any exercise, and she got to be an +awful looking thing. If you'll cut out the starchy foods and drink +nothing but Kissingen, and begin skipping the rope every day, you'll be +surprised how much of that you'll take off in a little while. At first +you won't be able to skip more than twenty-five or fifty times a day, +but you keep at it and in a month you can do your five hundred. Put on +plenty of flannels and wear a sweater. And I'll show you a dandy +exercise. Put your heels together this way,"--and he stood in front of +her,--"and try to touch the floor with your fingers--so!"--illustrating. +"You won't be able to do it at first, but keep at it, and it'll help a +lot. Then, if you will lie flat on your back every morning, and work +your feet up and down----" + +She had listened, at first in utter amazement. Now her timid +coquettishness was giving way to anger. + +"What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. + +"It's none of my business, but I thought you'd be glad to find out +what'd take off about fifty pounds." + +"And is this why you came to see me?" she demanded. + +"_I_ didn't come to see _you_." + +"My father said you were waiting and he sent me to you." + +"Sent _you_," replied Mr. Pike in frank surprise. "My dear girl, you may +be good to your folks and your heart may be in the right place, and I +don't want to hurt your feelings, but father has got mixed in his dates. +I certainly didn't come here to see _you_." + +As he was speaking Jeneka wriggled forward in her chair and then arose. +She stood before him, heaving perceptibly. + +"Your manner is most insulting," she declared. She had expected to be +showered with compliments, and here was this giggling stranger advising +her to be thin! She toddled over to the door and pushed a bell. Then she +turned upon the bewildered stranger and remarked coldly: "Unless you +have something further to communicate, you may consider this interview +at an end." + +A servant appeared in the doorway. + +"Show this person out," said the portly princess. + +The servant gave a little scream. + +"Mr. Pike!" + +"Kalora!" + +And then he was holding both her hands. + +"You are _here_--here in Morovenia? You came all the way?" + +"All the way! I'd have come ten times as far. Before I left New York I +heard about all those messenger boys hunting me around the hotels, but I +didn't know what it meant. When I got back to Washington I found your +note, and, as soon as I could get Congress calmed down, I started--got +in here last night." + +"But why did you come?" + +[Illustration: "Mr. Pike!" "Kalora!"] + +"Can't you guess?" Mr. Pike wasted no time in circumlocution. + +During this hurried interview Jeneka had been holding a determined thumb +against the electric button. The Governor-General, waiting impatiently +up the hallway, heard the prolonged buzzing and came to investigate. He +found the adorable Jeneka, all trembling with indignation, in the +doorway. She saw him and pointed. He looked and saw the distinguished +stranger, the man of many titles and unbounded wealth, standing close to +the slim princess, holding both her hands and beaming upon her with all +of the unmistakable delirious happiness of love's young dream. + +"What does it mean?" asked the Governor-General. "Is it possible----" + +"He was rude to me," began Jeneka, "He was most insulting----" + +Mr. Pike turned to meet his prospective father-in-law. + +"You meant well, but you got twisted," he remarked. "This is the one I +was looking for." + +At first Count Selim Malagaski was too dumfounded for speech. + +"Are you sure?" he asked. "Can it be possible that you, a man worth +millions of piasters, an exalted ruler, a Noble of the Mystic Shrine, +have deliberately chosen this waspy, weedy----" + +"Let up!" said Mr. Pike sharply. "You can say what you please about your +daughter, but you mustn't make remarks about the prospective Mrs. Pike. +I don't know anything about her local reputation for looks, but I think +she's the most beautiful thing that ever drew breath, and I'd make it +stronger than that if I knew how. You thought I meant the fat one. +Well, I didn't, but I hope the agreement goes just the same. And I'll +stick to what I said. I'll get the other one married off. It may take a +little time, but I think I can find some one." + +"_Find_ some one?" cried Jeneka indignantly. + +"_Find_ some one?" repeated her father. "She has been sought by every +young man of quality in the whole kingdom. How dare you suggest +that----" + +Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike +had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he +should be weeping on his breast and calling him "son." + +Jeneka came to her senses at the same moment, for she saw her dream of +five years coming true. She knew that soon she would be the Countess +Muldova. + +Mr. Pike suddenly felt himself caressed by three happy mortals. + +"I shall make you a Knight of the Gleaming Scimitar," said the +Governor-General. "I have the authority." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +"And we can have a double wedding," exclaimed Jeneka, whose ecstasy was +almost apoplectic. + +"We shall be married in Washington," said Kalora decisively. "I am not +going to be carted over to my husband's house and delivered at the back +door, even if it is the custom of my native land. I shall be married +publicly and have twelve bridesmaids." + +"You may start for Washington immediately," said her father with genuine +enthusiasm. + +"I shall need a chaperon. Send for Popova." + +"Good! His punishment shall be--permanent exile." + +"Nothing would please him better," said Kalora. "Over here he is +nothing--in Washington he will be a distinguished foreigner. Washington! +_Washington_! To think that all of us are going back there! To think +that once more I shall have pickles--all the pickles I want to eat!" + +"We have over fifty varieties waiting for you," observed young Mr. Pike +tenderly. + +"I have been thinking," spoke up the Governor-General. "I shall apply to +the Sultan. He shall make you a Most Noble Prince of the Order of +Bosporus. The decoration is a great star, studded with diamonds." + +"Thanks," replied Mr. Pike. + +That night the great palace at Morovenia was completely illuminated for +the first time in many months. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Slim Princess, by George Ade + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SLIM PRINCESS *** + +***** This file should be named 11279.txt or 11279.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/2/7/11279/ + +Produced by Rick Niles, John Hagerson, Amy Petri and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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