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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/10708-0.txt b/10708-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c8d140 --- /dev/null +++ b/10708-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6123 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10708 *** + +DE QUINCEY'S WRITINGS. + +It is the intention of the publishers to issue, at intervals, a complete +collection of Mr. De Quincey's Writings, uniform with this volume. The +first four volumes of the series will contain,-- + +I. Confessions of an English Opium-Eater and Suspiria De Profundis. + +II. Biographical Essays. + +III. Miscellaneous Essays. + +IV. The Cæsars. + + + + + +MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. + +BY + +THOMAS DE QUINCEY. + + + +CONTENTS. + + +ON THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, IN MACBETH + +MURDER, CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER + +JOAN OF ARC + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED + + + + +ON + +THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, + +IN MACBETH. + + +From my boyish days I had always felt a great perplexity on one point in +Macbeth. It was this: the knocking at the gate, which succeeds to the +murder of Duncan, produced to my feelings an effect for which I never could +account. The effect was, that it reflected back upon the murder a peculiar +awfulness and a depth of solemnity; yet, however obstinately I endeavored +with my understanding to comprehend this, for many years I never could see +_why_ it should produce such an effect. + +Here I pause for one moment, to exhort the reader never to pay any +attention to his understanding when it stands in opposition to any +other faculty of his mind. The mere understanding, however useful and +indispensable, is the meanest faculty in the human mind, and the most to +be distrusted; and yet the great majority of people trust to nothing else; +which may do for ordinary life, but not for philosophical purposes. Of this +out of ten thousand instances that I might produce, I will cite one. Ask of +any person whatsoever, who is not previously prepared for the demand by +a knowledge of perspective, to draw in the rudest way the commonest +appearance which depends upon the laws of that science; as for instance, to +represent the effect of two walls standing at right angles to each other, +or the appearance of the houses on each side of a street, as seen by a +person looking down the street from one extremity. Now in all cases, unless +the person has happened to observe in pictures how it is that artists +produce these effects, he will be utterly unable to make the smallest +approximation to it. Yet why? For he has actually seen the effect every day +of his life. The reason is--that he allows his understanding to overrule +his eyes. His understanding, which includes no intuitive knowledge of the +laws of vision, can furnish him with no reason why a line which is known +and can be proved to be a horizontal line, should not _appear_ a horizontal +line; a line that made any angle with the perpendicular less than a right +angle, would seem to him to indicate that his houses were all tumbling down +together. Accordingly he makes the line of his houses a horizontal line, +and fails of course to produce the effect demanded. Here then is one +instance out of many, in which not only the understanding is allowed to +overrule the eyes, but where the understanding is positively allowed to +obliterate the eyes as it were, for not only does the man believe the +evidence of his understanding in opposition to that of his eyes, but, +(what is monstrous!) the idiot is not aware that his eyes ever gave such +evidence. He does not know that he has seen (and therefore _quoad_ his +consciousness has _not_ seen) that which he _has_ seen every day of his +life. But to return from this digression, my understanding could furnish no +reason why the knocking at the gate in Macbeth should produce any effect, +direct or reflected. In fact, my understanding said positively that it +could _not_ produce any effect. But I knew better; I felt that it did; and +I waited and clung to the problem until further knowledge should enable me +to solve it. At length, in 1812, Mr. Williams made his _début_ on the stage +of Ratcliffe Highway, and executed those unparalleled murders which have +procured for him such a brilliant and undying reputation. On which murders, +by the way, I must observe, that in one respect they have had an ill +effect, by making the connoisseur in murder very fastidious in his taste, +and dissatisfied by anything that has been since done in that line. All +other murders look pale by the deep crimson of his; and, as an amateur once +said to me in a querulous tone, "There has been absolutely nothing _doing_ +since his time, or nothing that's worth speaking of." But this is wrong; +for it is unreasonable to expect all men to be great artists, and born with +the genius of Mr. Williams. Now it will be remembered that in the first of +these murders, (that of the Marrs,) the same incident (of a knocking at the +door soon after the work of extermination was complete) did actually occur, +which the genius of Shakspeare has invented; and all good judges, and +the most eminent dilettanti, acknowledged the felicity of Shakspeare's +suggestion as soon as it was actually realized. Here, then, was a fresh +proof that I was right in relying on my own feeling in opposition to my +understanding; and I again set myself to study the problem; at length +I solved it to my own satisfaction; and my solution is this. Murder in +ordinary cases, where the sympathy is wholly directed to the case of the +murdered person, is an incident of coarse and vulgar horror; and for this +reason, that it flings the interest exclusively upon the natural but +ignoble instinct by which we cleave to life; an instinct, which, as being +indispensable to the primal law of self-preservation, is the same in kind, +(though different in degree,) amongst all living creatures; this instinct +therefore, because it annihilates all distinctions, and degrades the +greatest of men to the level of "the poor beetle that we tread on," +exhibits human nature in its most abject and humiliating attitude. Such an +attitude would little suit the purposes of the poet. What then must he +do? He must throw the interest on the murderer. Our sympathy must be with +_him_; (of course I mean a sympathy of comprehension, a sympathy by which +we enter into his feelings, and are made to understand them,--not a +sympathy[1] of pity or approbation.) In the murdered person all strife of +thought, all flux and reflux of passion and of purpose, are crushed by one +overwhelming panic; the fear of instant death smites him "with its petrific +mace." But in the murderer, such a murderer as a poet will condescend to, +there must be raging some great storm of passion,--jealousy, ambition, +vengeance, hatred,--which will create a hell within him; and into this hell +we are to look. + +[Footnote 1: It seems almost ludicrous to guard and explain my use of a +word in a situation where it would naturally explain itself. But it has +become necessary to do so, in consequence of the unscholarlike use of the +word sympathy, at present so general, by which, instead of taking it in +its proper sense, as the act of reproducing in our minds the feelings of +another, whether for hatred, indignation, love, pity, or approbation, it +is made a mere synonyme of the word _pity_; and hence, instead of saying +"sympathy _with_ another," many writers adopt the monstrous barbarism of +"sympathy _for_ another."] + +In Macbeth, for the sake of gratifying his own enormous and teeming faculty +of creation, Shakspeare has introduced two murderers: and, as usual in his +hands, they are remarkably discriminated: but, though in Macbeth the strife +of mind is greater than in his wife, the tiger spirit not so awake, and his +feelings caught chiefly by contagion from her,--yet, as both were finally +involved in the guilt of murder, the murderous mind of necessity is finally +to be presumed in both. This was to be expressed; and on its own account, +as well as to make it a more proportionable antagonist to the unoffending +nature of their victim, "the gracious Duncan," and adequately to expound +"the deep damnation of his taking off," this was to be expressed with +peculiar energy. We were to be made to feel that the human nature, _i.e._, +the divine nature of love and mercy, spread through the hearts of all +creatures, and seldom utterly withdrawn from man,--was gone, vanished, +extinct; and that the fiendish nature had taken its place. And, as this +effect is marvellously accomplished in the _dialogues_ and _soliloquies_ +themselves, so it is finally consummated by the expedient under +consideration; and it is to this that I now solicit the reader's attention. +If the reader has ever witnessed a wife, daughter, or sister, in a fainting +fit, he may chance to have observed that the most affecting moment in +such a spectacle, is _that_ in which a sigh and a stirring announce the +recommencement of suspended life. Or, if the reader has ever been present +in a vast metropolis, on the day when some great national idol was carried +in funeral pomp to his grave, and chancing to walk near the course through +which it passed, has felt powerfully, in the silence and desertion of the +streets and in the stagnation of ordinary business, the deep interest which +at that moment was possessing the heart of man,--if all at once he should +hear the death-like stillness broken up by the sound of wheels rattling +away from the scene, and making known that the transitory vision was +dissolved, he will be aware that at no moment was his sense of the complete +suspension and pause in ordinary human concerns so full and affecting, as +at that moment when the suspension ceases, and the goings-on of human +life are suddenly resumed. All action in any direction is best expounded, +measured, and made apprehensible, by reaction. Now apply this to the case +in Macbeth. Here, as I have said, the retiring of the human heart and the +entrance of the fiendish heart was to be expressed and made sensible. +Another world has stepped in; and the murderers are taken out of the region +of human things, human purposes, human desires. They are transfigured: Lady +Macbeth is "unsexed;" Macbeth has forgot that he was born of woman; both +are conformed to the image of devils; and the world of devils is suddenly +revealed. But how shall this be conveyed and made palpable? In order that a +new world may step in, this world must for a time disappear. The murderers, +and the murder, must be insulated--cut off by an immeasurable gulph +from the ordinary tide and succession of human affairs--locked up and +sequestered in some deep recess; we must be made sensible that the world +of ordinary life is suddenly arrested--laid asleep--tranced--racked into +a dread armistice: time must be annihilated; relation to things without +abolished; and all must pass self-withdrawn into a deep syncope and +suspension of earthly passion. Hence it is, that when the deed is done, +when the work of darkness is perfect, then the world of darkness passes +away like a pageantry in the clouds: the knocking at the gate is heard; and +it makes known audibly that the reaction has commenced: the human has made +its reflux upon the fiendish; the pulses of life are beginning to beat +again; and the re-establishment of the goings-on of the world in which we +live, first makes us profoundly sensible of the awful parenthesis that had +suspended them. + +O, mighty poet! Thy works are not as those of other men, simply and merely +great works of art; but are also like the phenomena of nature, like the sun +and the sea, the stars and the flowers,--like frost and snow, rain and dew, +hail-storm and thunder, which are to be studied with entire submission of +our own faculties, and in the perfect faith that in them there can be no +too much or too little, nothing useless or inert--but that, the further +we press in our discoveries, the more we shall see proofs of design and +self-supporting arrangement where the careless eye had seen nothing but +accident! + + + +ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +TO THE EDITOR OF BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. + + +SIR,--We have all heard of a Society for the Promotion of Vice, of the +Hell-Fire Club, &c. At Brighton, I think it was, that a Society was formed +for the Suppression of Virtue. That society was itself suppressed--but I +am sorry to say that another exists in London, of a character still +more atrocious. In tendency, it may be denominated a Society for the +Encouragement of Murder; but, according to their own delicate [Greek: +euphaemismos], it is styled--The Society of Connoisseurs in Murder. They +profess to be curious in homicide; amateurs and dilettanti in the various +modes of bloodshed; and, in short, Murder-Fanciers. Every fresh atrocity +of that class, which the police annals of Europe bring up, they meet and +criticise as they would a picture, statue, or other work of art. But I +need not trouble myself with any attempt to describe the spirit of their +proceedings, as you will collect _that_ much better from one of the Monthly +Lectures read before the society last year. This has fallen into my hands +accidentally, in spite of all the vigilance exercised to keep their +transactions from the public eye. The publication of it will alarm them; +and my purpose is that it should. For I would much rather put them down +quietly, by an appeal to public opinion through you, than by such an +exposure of names as would follow an appeal to Bow Street; which last +appeal, however, if this should fail, I must positively resort to. For it +is scandalous that such things should go on in a Christian land. Even in a +heathen land, the toleration of murder was felt by a Christian writer to be +the most crying reproach of the public morals. This writer was Lactantius; +and with his words, as singularly applicable to the present occasion, I +shall conclude: "Quid tam horribile," says he, "tam tetrum, quam hominis +trucidatio? Ideo severissimis legibus vita nostra munitur; ideo bella +execrabilia sunt. Invenit tamen consuetudo quatenus homicidium sine bello +ac sine legibus faciat: et hoc sibi voluptas quod scelus vindicavit. +Quod si interesse homicidio sceleris conscientia est,--et eidem facinori +spectator obstrictus est cui et admissor; ergo et in his gladiatorum +cædibus non minus cruore profunditur qui spectat, quam ille qui facit: +nec potest esse immunis à sanguine qui voluit effundi; aut videri non +interfecisse, qui interfectori et favit et proemium postulavit." "Human +life," says he, "is guarded by laws of the uttermost rigor, yet custom has +devised a mode of evading them in behalf of murder; and the demands of +taste (voluptas) are now become the same as those of abandoned guilt." Let +the Society of Gentlemen Amateurs consider this; and let me call their +especial attention to the last sentence, which is so weighty, that I shall +attempt to convey it in English: "Now, if merely to be present at a +murder fastens on a man the character of an accomplice; if barely to be a +spectator involves us in one common guilt with the perpetrator; it follows +of necessity, that, in these murders of the amphitheatre, the hand which +inflicts the fatal blow is not more deeply imbrued in blood than his who +sits and looks on: neither can _he_ be clear of blood who has countenanced +its shedding; nor that man seem other than a participator in murder who +gives his applause to the murderer, and calls for prizes in his behalf." +The "_præmia postulavit_" I have not yet heard charged upon the Gentlemen +Amateurs of London, though undoubtedly their proceedings tend to that; +but the "_interfectori favil_" is implied in the very title of this +association, and expressed in every line of the lecture which I send you. + +I am, &c. X. Y. Z. + + * * * * * + +LECTURE. + +GENTLEMEN,--I have had the honor to be appointed by your committee to the +trying task of reading the Williams' Lecture on Murder, considered as one +of the Fine Arts; a task which might be easy enough three or four centuries +ago, when the art was little understood, and few great models had been +exhibited; but in this age, when masterpieces of excellence have been +executed by professional men, it must be evident, that in the style +of criticism applied to them, the public will look for something of a +corresponding improvement. Practice and theory must advance _pari passu_. +People begin to see that something more goes to the composition of a fine +murder than two blockheads to kill and be killed--a knife--a purse--and a +dark lane. Design, gentlemen, grouping, light and shade, poetry, sentiment, +are now deemed indispensable to attempts of this nature. Mr. Williams +has exalted the ideal of murder to all of us; and to me, therefore, in +particular, has deepened the arduousness of my task. Like Æschylus or +Milton in poetry, like Michael Angelo in painting, he has carried his art +to a point of colossal sublimity; and, as Mr. Wordsworth observes, has in +a manner "created the taste by which he is to be enjoyed." To sketch the +history of the art, and to examine its principles critically, now remains +as a duty for the connoisseur, and for judges of quite another stamp from +his Majesty's Judges of Assize. + +Before I begin, let me say a word or two to certain prigs, who affect to +speak of our society as if it were in some degree immoral in its tendency. +Immoral! God bless my soul, gentlemen, what is it that people mean? I am +for morality, and always shall be, and for virtue and all that; and I do +affirm, and always shall, (let what will come of it,) that murder is an +improper line of conduct, highly improper; and I do not stick to assert, +that any man who deals in murder, must have very incorrect ways of +thinking, and truly inaccurate principles; and so far from aiding and +abetting him by pointing out his victim's hiding-place, as a great +moralist[1] of Germany declared it to be every good man's duty to do, I +would subscribe one shilling and sixpense to have him apprehended, which is +more by eighteen-pence than the most eminent moralists have subscribed for +that purpose. But what then? Everything in this world has two handles. +Murder, for instance, may be laid hold of by its moral handle, (as it +generally is in the pulpit, and at the Old Bailey;) and _that_, I confess, +is its weak side; or it may also be treated _æsthetically_, as the Germans +call it, that is, in relation to good taste. + +[Footnote 1: Kant--who carried his demands of unconditional veracity to so +extravagant a length as to affirm, that, if a man were to see an innocent +person escape from a murderer, it would be his duty, on being questioned +by the murderer, to tell the truth, and to point out the retreat of the +innocent person, under any certainty of causing murder. Lest this doctrine +should be supposed to have escaped him in any heat of dispute, on being +taxed with it by a celebrated French writer, he solemnly reaffirmed it, +with his reasons.] + +To illustrate this, I will urge the authority of three eminent persons, +viz., S.T. Coleridge, Aristotle, and Mr. Howship the surgeon. To begin with +S.T.C. One night, many years ago, I was drinking tea with him in Berners' +Street, (which, by the way, for a short street, has been uncommonly +fruitful in men of genius.) Others were there besides myself; and amidst +some carnal considerations of tea and toast, we were all imbibing a +dissertation on Plotinus from the attic lips of S.T.C. Suddenly a cry arose +of "_Fire--fire_!" upon which all of us, master and disciples, Plato and +[Greek: hoi peri ton Platona], rushed out, eager for the spectacle. The +fire was in Oxford Street, at a piano-forte maker's; and, as it promised to +be a conflagration of merit, I was sorry that my engagements forced me away +from Mr. Coleridge's party before matters were come to a crisis. Some days +after, meeting with my Platonic host, I reminded him of the case, and +begged to know how that very promising exhibition had terminated. "Oh, +sir," said he, "it turned out so ill, that we damned it unanimously." Now, +does any man suppose that Mr. Coleridge,--who, for all he is too fat to be +a person of active virtue, is undoubtedly a worthy Christian,--that this +good S. T. C., I say, was an incendiary, or capable of wishing any ill +to the poor man and his piano-fortes (many of them, doubtless, with the +additional keys)? On the contrary, I know him to be that sort of man, that +I durst stake my life upon it he would have worked an engine in a case of +necessity, although rather of the fattest for such fiery trials of his +virtue. But how stood the case? Virtue was in no request. On the arrival +of the fire-engines, morality had devolved wholly on the insurance office. +This being the case, he had a right to gratify his taste. He had left his +tea. Was he to have nothing in return? + +I contend that the most virtuous man, under the premises stated, was +entitled to make a luxury of the fire, and to hiss it, as he would any +other performance that raised expectations in the public mind, which +afterwards it disappointed. Again, to cite another great authority, +what says the Stagyrite? He (in the Fifth Book, I think it is, of his +Metaphysics) describes what he calls [Greek: kleptaen teleion], i.e., _a +perfect thief_; and, as to Mr. Howship, in a work of his on Indigestion, he +makes no scruple to talk with admiration of a certain ulcer which he had +seen, and which he styles "a beautiful ulcer." Now will any man pretend, +that, abstractedly considered, a thief could appear to Aristotle a perfect +character, or that Mr. Howship could be enamored of an ulcer? Aristotle, +it is well known, was himself so very moral a character, that, not content +with writing his Nichomachean Ethics, in one volume octavo, he also +wrote another system, called _Magna Moralia_, or Big Ethics. Now, it is +impossible that a man who composes any ethics at all, big or little, should +admire a thief _per se_, and, as to Mr. Howship, it is well known that he +makes war upon all ulcers; and, without suffering himself to be seduced by +their charms, endeavors to banish them from the county of Middlesex. But +the truth is, that, however objectionable _per se_, yet, relatively to +others of their class, both a thief and an ulcer may have infinite degrees +of merit. They are both imperfections, it is true; but to be imperfect +being their essence, the very greatness of their imperfection becomes their +perfection. _Spartam nactus es, hunc exorna_. A thief like Autolycus or +Mr. Barrington, and a grim phagedænic ulcer, superbly defined, and running +regularly through all its natural stages, may no less justly be regarded +as ideals after _their_ kind, than the most faultless moss-rose amongst +flowers, in its progress from bud to "bright consummate flower;" or, +amongst human flowers, the most magnificent young female, apparelled in +the pomp of womanhood. And thus not only the ideal of an inkstand may be +imagined, (as Mr. Coleridge demonstrated in his celebrated correspondence +with Mr. Blackwood,) in which, by the way, there is not so much, because an +inkstand is a laudable sort of thing, and a valuable member of society; but +even imperfection itself may have its ideal or perfect state. + +Really, gentlemen, I beg pardon for so much philosophy at one time, and now +let me apply it. When a murder is in the paulo-post-futurum tense, and a +rumor of it comes to our ears, by all means let us treat it morally. But +suppose it over and done, and that you can say of it,[Greek: Tetelesai], +or (in that adamantine molossus of Medea) [Greek: eirzasai]; suppose the +poor murdered man to be out of his pain, and the rascal that did it off +like a shot, nobody knows whither; suppose, lastly, that we have done our +best, by putting out our legs to trip up the fellow in his flight, but all +to no purpose--"abiit, evasit," &c.--why, then, I say, what's the use of +any more virtue? Enough has been given to morality; now comes the turn of +Taste and the Fine Arts. A sad thing it was, no doubt, very sad; but _we_ +can't mend it. Therefore let us make the best of a bad matter; and, as it +is impossible to hammer anything out of it for moral purposes, let us treat +it æsthetically, and see if it will turn to account in that way. Such is +the logic of a sensible man, and what follows? We dry up our tears, and +have the satisfaction, perhaps, to discover that a transaction, which, +morally considered, was shocking, and without a leg to stand upon, +when tried by principles of Taste, turns out to be a very meritorious +performance. Thus all the world is pleased; the old proverb is justified, +that it is an ill wind which blows nobody good; the amateur, from looking +bilious and sulky, by too close an attention to virtue, begins to pick up +his crumbs, and general hilarity prevails. Virtue has had her day; and +henceforward, _Vertu_ and Connoisseurship have leave to provide for +themselves. Upon this principle, gentlemen, I propose to guide your +studies, from Cain to Mr. Thurtell. Through this great gallery of murder, +therefore, together let us wander hand in hand, in delighted admiration, +while I endeavor to point your attention to the objects of profitable +criticism. + + * * * * * + +The first murder is familiar to you all. As the inventor of murder, and the +father of the art, Cain must have been a man of first-rate genius. All the +Cains were men of genius. Tubal Cain invented tubes, I think, or some such +thing. But, whatever were the originality and genius of the artist, every +art was then in its infancy, and the works must be criticised with a +recollection of that fact. Even Tubal's work would probably be little +approved at this day in Sheffield; and therefore of Cain (Cain senior, I +mean,) it is no disparagement to say, that his performance was but so so. +Milton, however, is supposed to have thought differently. By his way of +relating the case, it should seem to have been rather a pet murder with +him, for he retouches it with an apparent anxiety for its picturesque +effect: + + Whereat he inly raged; and, as they talk'd, + Smote him into the midriff with a stone + That beat out life: he fell; and, deadly pale, + Groan'd out his soul _with gushing blood effus'd_. + _Par. Lost, B. XI_. + +Upon this, Richardson, the painter, who had an eye for effect, remarks as +follows, in his Notes on Paradise Lost, p. 497: "It has been thought," +says he, "that Cain beat (as the common saying is) the breath out of his +brother's body with a great stone; Milton gives in to this, with the +addition, however, of a large wound." In this place it was a judicious +addition; for the rudeness of the weapon, unless raised and enriched by +a warm, sanguinary coloring, has too much of the naked air of the savage +school; as if the deed were perpetrated by a Polypheme without science, +premeditation, or anything but a mutton bone. However, I am chiefly pleased +with the improvement, as it implies that Milton was an amateur. As to +Shakspeare, there never was a better; as his description of the murdered +Duke of Gloucester, in Henry VI., of Duncan's, Banquo's, &c., sufficiently +proves. + +The foundation of the art having been once laid, it is pitiable to see how +it slumbered without improvement for ages. In fact, I shall now be obliged +to leap over all murders, sacred and profane, as utterly unworthy of +notice, until long after the Christian era. Greece, even in the age of +Pericles, produced no murder of the slightest merit; and Rome had too +little originality of genius in any of the arts to succeed, where her +model failed her. In fact, the Latin language sinks under the very idea of +murder. "The man was murdered;"--how will this sound in Latin? _Interfectus +est, interemptus est_--which simply expresses a homicide; and hence the +Christian Latinity of the middle ages was obliged to introduce a new word, +such as the feebleness of classic conceptions never ascended to. _Murdratus +est_, says the sublimer dialect of Gothic ages. Meantime, the Jewish, +school of murder kept alive whatever was yet known in the art, and +gradually transferred it to the Western World. Indeed the Jewish school was +always respectable, even in the dark ages, as the case of Hugh of Lincoln +shows, which was honored with the approbation of Chaucer, on occasion of +another performance from the same school, which he puts into the mouth of +the Lady Abbess. + +Recurring, however, for one moment to classical antiquity, I cannot but +think that Catiline, Clodius, and some of that coterie, would have made +first-rate artists; and it is on all accounts to be regretted, that the +priggism of Cicero robbed his country of the only chance she had for +distinction in this line. As the _subject_ of a murder, no person could +have answered better than himself. Lord! how he would have howled with +panic, if he had heard Cethegus under his bed. It would have been truly +diverting to have listened to him; and satisfied I am, gentlemen, that he +would have preferred the _utile_ of creeping into a closet, or even into a +_cloaca_, to the _honestum_ of facing the bold artist. + +To come now to the dark ages--(by which we, that speak with precision, +mean, _par excellence_, the tenth century, and the times immediately before +and after)--these ages ought naturally to be favorable to the art of +murder, as they were to church architecture, to stained glass, &c.; and, +accordingly, about the latter end of this period, there arose a great +character in our art, I mean the Old Man of the Mountains. He was a shining +light, indeed, and I need not tell you, that the very word "assassin" is +deduced from him. So keen an amateur was he, that on one occasion, when his +own life was attempted by a favorite assassin, he was so much pleased +with the talent shown, that notwithstanding the failure of the artist, he +created him a duke upon the spot, with remainder to the female line, and +settled a pension on him for three lives. Assassination is a branch of the +art which demands a separate notice; and I shall devote an entire lecture +to it. Meantime, I shall only observe how odd it is, that this branch of +the art has flourished by fits. It never rains, but it pours. Our own age +can boast of some fine specimens; and, about two centuries ago, there was a +most brilliant constellation of murders in this class. I need hardly say, +that I allude especially to those five splendid works,--the assassinations +of William I, of Orange, of Henry IV., of France, of the Duke of +Buckingham, (which you will find excellently described in the letters +published by Mr. Ellis, of the British Museum,) of Gustavus Adolphus, and +of Wallenstein. The King of Sweden's assassination, by the by, is doubted +by many writers, Harte amongst others; but they are wrong. He was murdered; +and I consider his murder unique in its excellence; for he was murdered at +noon-day, and on the field of battle,--a feature of original conception, +which occurs in no other work of art that I remember. Indeed, all of these +assassinations may be studied with profit by the advanced connoisseur. They +are all of them _exemplaria_, of which one may say,-- + + Nociurnâ versatâ manu, versate diurne; + +Especially _nocturnâ_. + +In these assassinations of princes and statesmen, there is nothing to +excite our wonder; important changes often depend on their deaths; and, +from the eminence on which they stand, they are peculiarly exposed to the +aim of every artist who happens to be possessed by the craving for scenical +effect. But there is another class of assassinations, which has prevailed +from an early period of the seventeenth century, that really _does_ +surprise me; I mean the assassination of philosophers. For, gentlemen, it +is a fact, that every philosopher of eminence for the two last centuries +has either been murdered, or, at the least, been very near it; insomuch, +that if a man calls himself a philosopher, and never had his life +attempted, rest assured there is nothing in him; and against Locke's +philosophy in particular, I think it an unanswerable objection (if we +needed any), that, although he carried his throat about with him in this +world for seventy-two years, no man ever condescended to cut it. As these +cases of philosophers are not much known, and are generally good and well +composed in their circumstances, I shall here read an excursus on that +subject, chiefly by way of showing my own learning. + +The first great philosopher of the seventeenth century (if we except +Galileo) was Des Cartes; and if ever one could say of a man that he was all +_but_ murdered--murdered within an inch--one must say it of him. The case +was this, as reported by Baillet in his _Vie De M. Des Cartes_, tom. I. p. +102-3. In the year 1621, when Des Cartes might be about twenty-six years +old, he was touring about as usual, (for he was as restless as a hyæna,) +and, coming to the Elbe, either at Gluckstadt or at Hamburgh, he took +shipping for East Friezland: what he could want in East Friezland no man +has ever discovered; and perhaps he took this into consideration himself; +for, on reaching Embden, he resolved to sail instantly for _West_ +Friezland; and being very impatient of delay, he hired a bark, with a few +mariners to navigate it. No sooner had he got out to sea than he made a +pleasing discovery, viz. that he had shut himself up in a den of murderers. +His crew, says M. Baillet, he soon found out to be "des scélérats,"--not +_amateurs_, gentlemen, as we are, but professional men--the height of +whose ambition at that moment was to cut his throat. But the story is too +pleasing to be abridged; I shall give it, therefore, accurately, from the +French of his biographer: "M. Des Cartes had no company but that of his +servant, with whom he was conversing in French. The sailors, who took him +for a foreign merchant, rather than a cavalier, concluded that he must +have money about him. Accordingly they came to a resolution by no means +advantageous to his purse. There is this difference, however, between +sea-robbers and the robbers in forests, that the latter may, without +hazard, spare the lives of their victims; whereas the other cannot put +a passenger on shore in such a case without running the risk of being +apprehended. The crew of M. Des Cartes arranged their measures with a view +to evade any danger of that sort. They observed that he was a stranger from +a distance, without acquaintance in the country, and that nobody would take +any trouble to inquire about him, in case he should never come to hand, +(_quand il viendroit à manquer_.") Think, gentlemen, of these Friezland +dogs discussing a philosopher as if he were a puncheon of rum. "His temper, +they remarked, was very mild and patient; and, judging from the gentleness +of his deportment, and the courtesy with which he treated themselves, that +he could be nothing more than some green young man, they concluded that +they should have all the easier task in disposing of his life. They made no +scruple to discuss the whole matter in his presence, as not supposing that +he understood any other language than that in which he conversed with his +servant; and the amount of their deliberation was--to murder him, then to +throw him into the sea, and to divide his spoils." + +Excuse my laughing, gentlemen, but the fact is, I always _do_ laugh when I +think of this case--two things about it seem so droll. One, is, the horrid +panic or "funk," (as the men of Eton call it,) in which Des Cartes must +have found himself upon hearing this regular drama sketched for his own +death--funeral--succession and administration to his effects. But another +thing, which seems to me still more funny about this affair is, that +if these Friezland hounds had been "game," we should have no Cartesian +philosophy; and how we could have done without _that_, considering the +worlds of books it has produced, I leave to any respectable trunk-maker to +declare. + +However, to go on; spite of his enormous funk, Des Cartes showed fight, +and by that means awed these Anti-Cartesian rascals. "Finding," says M. +Baillet, "that the matter was no joke, M. Des Cartes leaped upon his feet +in a trice, assumed a stern countenance that these cravens had never looked +for, and addressing them in their own language, threatened to run them +through on the spot if they dared to offer him any insult." Certainly, +gentlemen, this would have been an honor far above the merits of such +inconsiderable rascals--to be spitted like larks upon a Cartesian sword; +and therefore I am glad M. Des Cartes did not rob the gallows by executing +his threat, especially as he could not possibly have brought his vessel to +port, after he had murdered his crew; so that he must have continued to +cruise for ever in the Zuyder Zee, and would probably have been mistaken by +sailors for the _Flying Dutchman_, homeward bound. "The spirit which M. Des +Cartes manifested," says his biographer, "had the effect of magic on these +wretches. The suddenness of their consternation struck their minds with a +confusion which blinded them to their advantage, and they conveyed him to +his destination as peaceably as he could desire." + +Possibly, gentlemen, you may fancy that, on the model of Cæsar's address +to his poor ferryman,--"_Cæsarem vehis et fortunas ejus_"--M. Des Cartes +needed only to have said,--"Dogs, you cannot cut my throat, for you carry +Des Cartes and his philosophy," and might safely have defied them to do +their worst. A German emperor had the same notion, when, being cautioned to +keep out of the way of a cannonading, he replied, "Tut! man. Did you ever +hear of a cannon-ball that killed an emperor?" As to an emperor I cannot +say, but a less thing has sufficed to smash a philosoper; and the next +great philosopher of Europe undoubtedly _was_ murdered. This was Spinosa. + +I know very well the common opinion about him is, that he died in his bed. +Perhaps he did, but he was murdered for all that; and this I shall prove +by a book published at Brussels, in the year 1731, entitled, _La Via de +Spinosa; Par M. Jean Colerus_, with many additions, from a MS. life, by one +of his friends. Spinosa died on the 21st February, 1677, being then little +more than forty-four years old. This of itself looks suspicious; and M. +Jean admits, that a certain expression in the MS. life of him would warrant +the conclusion, "que sa mort n'a pas été tout-à -fait naturelle." Living in +a damp country, and a sailor's country, like Holland, he may be thought to +have indulged a good deal in grog, especially in punch,[1] which was then +newly discovered. Undoubtedly he might have done so; but the fact is that +he did not. M. Jean calls him "extrêmement sobre en son boire et en son +manger." And though some wild stories were afloat about his using the juice +of mandragora (p. 140,) and opium, (p. 144,) yet neither of these articles +appeared in his druggist's bill. Living, therefore, with such sobriety, how +was it possible that he should die a natural death at forty-four? Hear his +biographer's account:--"Sunday morning the 21st of February, before it was +church time, Spinosa came down stairs and conversed with the master and +mistress of the house." At this time, therefore, perhaps ten o'clock on +Sunday morning, you see that Spinosa was alive, and pretty well. But it +seems "he had summoned from Amsterdam a certain physician, whom," says the +biographer, "I shall not otherwise point out to notice than by these two +letters, L.M. This L.M. had directed the people of the house to purchase an +ancient cock, and to have him boiled forthwith, in order that Spinosa might +take some broth about noon, which in fact he did, and ate some of the _old +cock_ with a good appetite, after the landlord and his wife had returned +from church. + +[Footnote 1: "June 1, 1675.--Drinke part of 3 boules of punch, (a liquor +very strainge to me,)" says the Rev. Mr. Henry Teonge, in his Diary lately +published. In a note on this passage, a reference is made to Fryer's +Travels to the East Indies, 1672, who speaks of "that enervating liquor +called _Paunch_, (which is Indostan for five,) from five ingredients." +Made thus, it seems the medical men called it Diapente; if with four only, +Diatessaron. No doubt, it was its Evangelical name that recommended it to +the Rev. Mr. Teonge.] + +"In the afternoon, L.M. staid alone with Spinosa, the people of the house +having returned to church; on coming out from which they learnt, with much +surprise, that Spinosa had died about three o'clock, in the presence +of L.M., who took his departure for Amsterdam the same evening, by the +night-boat, without paying the least attention to the deceased. No doubt he +was the readier to dispense with these duties, as he had possessed himself +of a ducatoon and a small quantity of silver, together with a silver-hafted +knife, and had absconded with his pillage." Here you see, gentlemen, the +murder is plain, and the manner of it. It was L.M. who murdered Spinosa +for his money. Poor S. was an invalid, meagre, and weak: as no blood +was observed, L.M., no doubt, threw him down and smothered him with +pillows,--the poor man being already half suffocated by his infernal +dinner. But who was L.M.? It surely never could be Lindley Murray; for I +saw him at York in 1825; and besides, I do not think he Would do such a +thing; at least, not to a brother grammarian: for you know, gentlemen, that +Spinosa wrote a very respectable Hebrew grammar. + +Hobbes, but why, or on what principle, I never could understand, was not +murdered. This was a capital oversight of the professional men in the +seventeenth century; because in every light he was a fine subject for +murder, except, indeed, that he was lean and skinny; for I can prove that +he had money, and (what is very funny,) he had no right to make the least +resistance; for, according to himself, irresistible power creates the very +highest species of right, so that it is rebellion of the blackest die +to refuse to be murdered, when a competent force appears to murder you. +However, gentlemen, though he was not murdered, I am happy to assure you +that (by his own account) he was three times very near being murdered. The +first time was in the spring of 1640, when he pretends to have circulated +a little MS. on the king's behalf, against the Parliament; he never could +produce this MS., by the by; but he says that, "Had not his Majesty +dissolved the Parliament," (in May,) "it had brought him into danger of his +life." Dissolving the Parliament, however, was of no use; for, in November +of the same year, the Long Parliament assembled, and Hobbes, a second time, +fearing he should be murdered, ran away to France. This looks like the +madness of John Dennis, who thought that Louis XIV. would never make peace +with Queen Anne, unless he were given up to his vengeance; and actually ran +away from the sea-coast in that belief. In France, Hobbes managed to take +care of his throat pretty well for ten years; but at the end of that time, +by way of paying court to Cromwell, he published his Leviathan. The old +coward now began to "funk" horribly for the third time; he fancied the +swords of the cavaliers were constantly at his throat, recollecting how +they had served the Parliament ambassadors at the Hague and Madrid. "Turn," +says he, in his dog-Latin life of himself, + + "Tum venit in mentem mihi Dorislaus et Ascham; + Tanquam proscripto terror ubique aderat." + +And accordingly he ran home to England. Now, certainly, it is very true +that a man deserved a cudgelling for writing Leviathan; and two or three +cudgellings for writing a pentameter ending so villanously as--"terror +ubique aderat!" But no man ever thought him worthy of anything beyond +cudgelling. And, in fact, the whole story is a bounce of his own. For, in a +most abusive letter which he wrote "to a learned person," (meaning Wallis +the mathematician,) he gives quite another account of the matter, and says +(p. 8,) he ran home "because he would not trust his safety with the French +clergy;" insinuating that he was likely to be murdered for his religion, +which would have been a high joke indeed--Tom's being brought to the stake +for religion. + +Bounce or not bounce, however, certain it is, that Hobbes, to the end of +his life, feared that somebody would murder him. This is proved by the +story I am going to tell you: it is not from a manuscript, but, (as Mr. +Coleridge says,) it is as good as manuscript; for it comes from a book +now entirely forgotten, viz., "The Creed of Mr. Hobbes Examined; in a +Conference between him and a Student in Divinity," (published about ten +years before Hobbes's death.) The book is anonymous, but it was written by +Tennison, the same who, about thirty years after, succeeded Tillotson as +Archbishop of Canterbury. The introductory anecdote is as follows: "A +certain divine, it seems, (no doubt Tennison himself,) took an annual tour +of one month to different parts of the island. In one of these excursions +(1670) he visited the Peak in Derbyshire, partly in consequence of Hobbes's +description of it. Being in that neighborhood, he could not but pay a visit +to Buxton; and at the very moment of his arrival, he was fortunate enough +to find a party of gentlemen dismounting at the inn door, amongst whom was +a long thin fellow, who turned out to be no less a person than Mr. Hobbes, +who probably had ridden over from Chattsworth. Meeting so great a lion,--a +tourist, in search of the picturesque, could do no less than present +himself in the character of bore. And luckily for this scheme, two of Mr. +Hobbes's companions were suddenly summoned away by express; so that, for +the rest of his stay at Buxton, he had Leviathan entirely to himself, and +had the honor of bowsing with him in the evening. Hobbes, it seems, at +first showed a good deal of stiffness, for he was shy of divines; but this +wore off, and he became very sociable and funny, and they agreed to go into +the bath together. How Tennison could venture to gambol in the same water +with Leviathan, I cannot explain; but so it was: they frolicked about like +two dolphins, though Hobbes must have been as old as the hills; and +"in those intervals wherein they abstained from swimming and plunging +themselves," [i.e., diving,] "they discoursed of many things relating to +the Baths of the Ancients, and the Origine of Springs. When they had in +this manner passed away an hour, they stepped out of the bath; and, having +dried and cloathed themselves, they sate down in expectation of such a +supper as the place afforded; designing to refresh themselves like the +_Deipnosophilæ_, and rather to reason than to drink profoundly. But in this +innocent intention they were interrupted by the disturbance arising from a +little quarrel, in which some of the ruder people in the house were for a +short time engaged. At this Mr. Hobbes seemed much concerned, though he was +at some distance from the persons." And why was he concerned, gentlemen? +No doubt you fancy, from, some benign and disinterested love of peace and +harmony, worthy of an old man and a philosopher. But listen--"For a while +he was not composed, but related it once or twice as to himself, with a +low and careful tone, how Sextus Roscius was murthered after supper by +the Balneæ Palatinæ. Of such general extent is that remark of Cicero, in +relation to Epicurus the Atheist, of whom he observed that he of all men +dreaded most those things which he contemned--Death and the Gods." Merely +because it was supper time, and in the neighborhood of a bath, Mr. Hobbes +must have the fate of Sextus Roscius. What logic was there in this, unless +to a man who was always dreaming of murder? Here was Leviathan, no +longer afraid of the daggers of English cavaliers or French clergy, but +"frightened from his propriety" by a row in an ale-house between some +honest clod-hoppers of Derbyshire, whom his own gaunt scare-crow of a +person that belonged to quite another century, would have frightened out of +their wits. + +Malebranche, it will give you pleasure to hear, was murdered. The man who +murdered him is well known: it was Bishop Berkeley. The story is familiar, +though hitherto not put in a proper light. Berkeley, when a young man, went +to Paris and called on Père Malebranche. He found him in his cell cooking. +Cooks have ever been a _genus irritabile_; authors still more so: +Malebranche was both: a dispute arose; the old father, warm already, became +warmer; culinary and metaphysical irritations united to derange his liver: +he took to his bed, and died. Such is the common version of the story: +"So the whole ear of Denmark is abused." The fact is, that the matter was +hushed up, out of consideration for Berkeley, who (as Pope remarked) had +"every virtue under heaven:" else it was well known that Berkeley, feeling +himself nettled by the waspishness of the old Frenchman, squared at him; a +_turn-up_ was the consequence: Malebranche was floored in the first round; +the conceit was wholly taken out of him; and he would perhaps have given +in; but Berkeley's blood was now up, and he insisted on the old Frenchman's +retracting his doctrine of Occasional Causes. The vanity of the man was too +great for this; and he fell a sacrifice to the impetuosity of Irish youth, +combined with his own absurd obstinacy. + +Leibnitz, being every way superior to Malebranche, one might, _a fortiori_, +have counted on _his_ being murdered; which, however, was not the case. I +believe he was nettled at this neglect, and felt himself insulted by the +security in which he passed his days. In no other way can I explain +his conduct at the latter end of his life, when he chose to grow very +avaricious, and to hoard up large sums of gold, which he kept in his +own house. This was at Vienna, where he died; and letters are still in +existence, describing the immeasurable anxiety which he entertained for his +throat. Still his ambition, for being _attempted_ at least, was so +great, that he would not forego the danger. A late English pedagogue, of +Birmingham manufacture, viz., Dr. Parr, took a more selfish course, under +the same circumstances. He had amassed a considerable quantity of gold and +silver plate, which was for some time deposited in his bed-room at his +parsonage house, Hatton. But growing every day more afraid of being +murdered, which he knew that he could not stand, (and to which, indeed, he +never had the slightest pretension,) he transferred the whole to the Hatton +blacksmith; conceiving, no doubt, that the murder of a blacksmith would +fall more lightly on the _salus reipublicæ_, than that of a pedagogue. But +I have heard this greatly disputed; and it seems now generally agreed, that +one good horse-shoe is worth about 2 1/4 Spital sermons. + +As Leibnitz, though not murdered, may be said to have died, partly of +the fear that he should be murdered, and partly of vexation that he was +not,--Kant, on the other hand--who had no ambition in that way--had a +narrower escape from a murderer than any man we read of, except Des Cartes. +So absurdly does fortune throw about her favors! The case is told, I think, +in an anonymous life of this very great man. For health's sake, Kant +imposed upon himself, at one time, a walk of six miles every day along a +highroad. This fact becoming known to a man who had his private reasons for +committing murder, at the third milestone from Königsberg, he waited for +his "intended," who came up to time as duly as a mail-coach. But for an +accident, Kant was a dead man. However, on considerations of "morality," it +happened that the murderer preferred a little child, whom he saw playing in +the road, to the old transcendentalist: this child he murdered; and thus it +happened that Kant escaped. Such is the German account of the matter; but +my opinion is--that the murderer was an amateur, who felt how little would +be gained to the cause of good taste by murdering an old, arid, and adust +metaphysician; there was no room for display, as the man could not possibly +look more like a mummy when dead, than he had done alive. + +Thus, gentlemen, I have traced the connection between philosophy and our +art, until insensibly I find that I have wandered into our own era. This I +shall not take any pains to characterize apart from that which preceded +it, for, in fact, they have no distinct character. The seventeenth and +eighteenth centuries, together with so much of the nineteenth as we have +yet seen, jointly compose the Augustan age of murder. The finest work of +the seventeenth century is, unquestionably, the murder of Sir Edmondbury +Godfrey, which has my entire approbation. At the same time, it must be +observed, that the quantity of murder was not great in this century, at +least amongst our own artists; which, perhaps, is attributable to the want +of enlightened patronage. _Sint Mæcenates, non deerunt, Flacce, Marones_. +Consulting Grant's "Observations on the Bills of Mortality," (4th edition, +Oxford, 1665,) I find, that out of 229,250, who died in London during one +period of twenty years in the seventeenth century, not more than eighty-six +were murdered; that is, about four three-tenths per annum. A small number +this, gentlemen, to found an academy upon; and certainly, where the +quantity is so small, we have a right to expect that the quality should be +first-rate. Perhaps it was; yet, still I am of opinion that the best artist +in this century was not equal to the best in that which followed. For +instance, however praiseworthy the case of Sir Edmondbury Godfrey may be +(and nobody can be more sensible of its merits than I am), still I cannot +consent to place it on a level with that of Mrs. Ruscombe of Bristol, +either as to originality of design, or boldness and breadth of style. This +good lady's murder took place early in the reign of George III., a reign +which was notoriously favorable to the arts generally. She lived in College +Green, with a single maid-servant, neither of them having any pretension +to the notice of history but what they derived from the great artist whose +workmanship I am recording. One fine morning, when all Bristol was alive +and in motion, some suspicion arising, the neighbors forced an entrance +into the house, and found Mrs. Ruscombe murdered in her bed-room, and the +servant murdered on the stairs: this was at noon; and, not more than two +hours before, both mistress and servant had been seen alive. To the best of +my remembrance, this was in 1764; upwards of sixty years, therefore, have +now elapsed, and yet the artist is still undiscovered. The suspicions of +posterity have settled upon two pretenders--a baker and a chimney-sweeper. +But posterity is wrong; no unpractised artist could have conceived so bold +an idea as that of a noon-day murder in the heart of a great city. It was +no obscure baker, gentlemen, or anonymous chimney-sweeper, be assured, that +executed this work. I know who it was. (_Here there was a general buzz, +which at length broke out into open applause; upon which the lecturer +blushed, and went on with much earnestness_.) For Heaven's sake, gentlemen, +do not mistake me; it was not I that did it. I have not the vanity to think +myself equal to any such achievement; be assured that you greatly overrate +my poor talents; Mrs. Ruscombe's affair was far beyond my slender +abilities. But I came to know who the artist was, from a celebrated +surgeon, who assisted at his dissection. This gentleman had a private +museum in the way of his profession, one corner of which was occupied by a +cast from a man of remarkably fine proportions. + +"That," said the surgeon, "is a cast from the celebrated Lancashire +highwayman, who concealed his profession for some time from his neighbors, +by drawing woollen stockings over his horse's legs, and in that way +muffling the clatter which he must else have made in riding up a flagged +alley that led to his stable. At the time of his execution for highway +robbery, I was studying under Cruickshank: and the man's figure was +so uncommonly fine, that no money or exertion was spared to get into +possession of him with the least possible delay. By the connivance of the +under-sheriff he was cut down within the legal time, and instantly put into +a chaise and four; so that, when he reached Cruickshank's he was positively +not dead. Mr. ----, a young student at that time, had the honor of giving +him the _coup de grâce_, and finishing the sentence of the law." This +remarkable anecdote, which seemed to imply that all the gentlemen in the +dissecting-room were amateurs of our class, struck me a good deal; and I +was repeating it one day to a Lancashire lady, who thereupon informed me, +that she had herself lived in the neighborhood of that highwayman, and well +remembered two circumstances, which combined, in the opinion of all his +neighbors, to fix upon him the credit of Mrs. Ruscombe's affair. One was, +the fact of his absence for a whole fortnight at the period of that murder: +the other, that, within a very little time after, the neighborhood of this +highwayman was deluged with dollars: now Mrs. Ruscombe was known to have +hoarded about two thousand of that coin. Be the artist, however, who he +might, the affair remains a durable monument of his genius; for such was +the impression of awe, and the sense of power left behind, by the strength +of conception manifested in this murder, that no tenant (as I was told in +1810) had been found up to that time for Mrs. Ruscombe's house. + +But, whilst I thus eulogize the Ruscombian case, let me not be supposed to +overlook the many other specimens of extraordinary merit spread over the +face of this century. Such cases, indeed, as that of Miss Bland, or of +Captain Donnellan, and Sir Theophilus Boughton, shall never have any +countenance from me. Fie on these dealers in poison, say I: can they not +keep to the old honest way of cutting throats, without introducing such +abominable innovations from Italy? I consider all these poisoning cases, +compared with the legitimate style, as no better than wax-work by the side +of sculpture, or a lithographic print by the side of a fine Volpato. But, +dismissing these, there remain many excellent works of art in a pure style, +such as nobody need be ashamed to own, as every candid connoisseur will +admit. _Candid_, observe, I say; for great allowances must be made in +these cases; no artist can ever be sure of carrying through his own fine +preconception. Awkward disturbances will arise; people will not submit to +have their throats cut quietly; they will run, they will kick, they will +bite; and whilst the portrait painter often has to complain of too much +torpor in his subject, the artist, in our line, is generally embarrassed by +too much animation. At the same time, however disagreeable to the artist, +this tendency in murder to excite and irritate the subject, is certainly +one of its advantages to the world in general, which we ought not to +overlook, since it favors the development of latent talent. Jeremy Taylor +notices with admiration, the extraordinary leaps which people will take +under the influence of fear. There was a striking instance of this in the +recent case of the M'Keands; the boy cleared a height, such as he will +never clear again to his dying day. Talents also of the most brilliant +description for thumping, and indeed for all the gymnastic exercises, +have sometimes been developed by the panic which accompanies our artists; +talents else buried and hid under a bushel to the possessors, as much as to +their friends. I remember an interesting illustration of this fact, in a +case which I learned in Germany. + +Riding one day in the neighborhood of Munich, I overtook a distinguished +amateur of our society, whose name I shall conceal. This gentleman informed +me that, finding himself wearied with the frigid pleasures (so he +called them) of mere amateurship, he had quitted England for the +continent--meaning to practise a little professionally. For this purpose +he resorted to Germany, conceiving the police in that part of Europe to be +more heavy and drowsy than elsewhere. His _debut_ as a practitioner took +place at Mannheim; and, knowing me to be a brother amateur, he freely +communicated the whole of his maiden adventure. "Opposite to my lodging," +said he, "lived a baker: he was somewhat of a miser, and lived quite alone. +Whether it were his great expanse of chalky face, or what else, I know +not--but the fact was, I 'fancied' him, and resolved to commence business +upon his throat, which by the way he always carried bare--a fashion which +is very irritating to my desires. Precisely at eight o'clock in the +evening, I observed that he regularly shut up his windows. One night I +watched him when thus engaged--bolted in after him--locked the door--and, +addressing him with great suavity, acquainted him with the nature of my +errand; at the same time advising him to make no resistance, which would be +mutually unpleasant. So saying, I drew out my tools; and was proceeding to +operate. But at this spectacle, the baker, who seemed to have been struck +by catalepsy at my first announce, awoke into tremendous agitation. 'I will +_not_ be murdered!' he shrieked aloud; 'what for will I lose my precious +throat?' 'What for?' said I; 'if for no other reason, for this--that you +put alum into your bread. But no matter, alum or no alum, (for I was +resolved to forestall any argument on that point,) know that I am a +virtuoso in the art of murder--am desirous of improving myself in its +details--and am enamored of your vast surface of throat, to which I am +determined to be a customer.' 'Is it so?' said he, 'but I'll find you +custom in another line;' and so saying, he threw himself into a boxing +attitude. The very idea of his boxing struck me as ludicrous. It is true, +a London baker had distinguished himself in the ring, and became known +to fame under the title of the Master of the Rolls; but he was young and +unspoiled: whereas this man was a monstrous feather-bed in person, fifty +years old, and totally out of condition. Spite of all this, however, and +contending against me, who am a master in the art, he made so desperate a +defence, that many times I feared he might turn the tables upon me; +and that I, an amateur, might be murdered by a rascally baker. What a +situation! Minds of sensibility will sympathize with my anxiety. How severe +it was, you may understand by this, that for the first thirteen rounds the +baker had the advantage. Round the fourteenth, I received a blow on +the right eye, which closed it up; in the end, I believe, this was my +salvation: for the anger it roused in me was so great that, in this and +every one of the three following rounds, I floored the baker. + +"Round 18th. The baker came up piping, and manifestly the worse for wear. +His geometrical exploits in the four last rounds had done him no good. +However, he showed some skill in stopping a message which I was sending to +his cadaverous mug; in delivering which, my foot slipped, and I went down. + +"Round 19th. Surveying the baker, I became ashamed of having been so +much bothered by a shapeless mass of dough; and I went in fiercely, +and administered some severe punishment. A rally took place--both went +down--baker undermost--ten to three on amateur. + +"Round 20th. The baker jumped up with surprising agility; indeed, he +managed his pins capitally, and fought wonderfully, considering that he was +drenched in perspiration; but the shine was now taken out of him, and his +game was the mere effect of panic. It was now clear that he could not last +much longer. In the course of this round we tried the weaving system, in +which I had greatly the advantage, and hit him repeatedly on the conk. +My reason for this was, that his conk was covered with carbuncles; and I +thought I should vex him by taking such liberties with his conk, which in +fact I did. + +"The three next rounds, the master of the rolls staggered about like a cow +on the ice. Seeing how matters stood, in round twenty-fourth I whispered +something into his ear, which sent him down like a shot. It was nothing +more than my private opinion of the value of his throat at an annuity +office. This little confidential whisper affected him greatly; the very +perspiration was frozen on his face, and for the next two rounds I had it +all my own way. And when I called _time_ for the twenty-seventh round, he +lay like a log on the floor." + +After which, said I to the amateur, "It may be presumed that you +accomplished your purpose." "You are right," said he mildly, "I did; and a +great satisfaction, you know, it was to my mind, for by this means I killed +two birds with one stone;" meaning that he had both thumped the baker and +murdered him. Now, for the life of me, I could not see _that_; for, on the +contrary, to my mind it appeared that he had taken two stones to kill one +bird, having been obliged to take the conceit out of him first with his +fist, and then with his tools. But no matter for his logic. The moral of +his story was good, for it showed what an astonishing stimulus to latent +talent is contained in any reasonable prospect of being murdered. A +pursy, unwieldy, half cataleptic baker of Mannheim had absolutely fought +six-and-twenty rounds with an accomplished English boxer merely upon this +inspiration; so greatly was natural genius exalted and sublimed by the +genial presence of his murderer. + +Really, gentlemen, when one hears of such things as these, it becomes a +duty, perhaps, a little to soften that extreme asperity with which most +men speak of murder. To hear people talk, you would suppose that all the +disadvantages and inconveniences were on the side of being murdered, and +that there were none at all in _not_ being murdered. But considerate men +think otherwise. "Certainly," says Jeremy Taylor, "it is a less temporal +evil to fall by the rudeness of a sword than the violence of a fever: and +the axe" (to which he might have added the ship-carpenter's mallet and the +crow-bar) "a much less affliction than a strangury." Very true; the +bishop talks like a wise man and an amateur, as he is; and another great +philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, was equally above the vulgar prejudices on +this subject. He declares it to be one of "the noblest functions of reason +to know whether it is time to walk out of the world or not." (Book III., +Collers' Translation.) No sort of knowledge being rarer than this, surely +_that_ man must be a most philanthropic character, who undertakes to +instruct people in this branch of knowledge gratis, and at no little hazard +to himself. All this, however, I throw out only in the way of speculation +to future moralists; declaring in the meantime my own private conviction, +that very few men commit murder upon philanthropic or patriotic principles, +and repeating what I have already said once at least--that, as to the +majority of murderers, they are very incorrect characters. + +With respect to Williams's murders, the sublimest and most entire in their +excellence that ever were committed, I shall not allow myself to speak +incidentally. Nothing less than an entire lecture, or even an entire course +of lectures, would suffice to expound their merits. But one curious fact, +connected with his case, I shall mention, because it seems to imply that +the blaze of his genius absolutely dazzled the eye of criminal justice. You +all remember, I doubt not, that the instruments with which he executed his +first great work, (the murder of the Marrs,) were a ship-carpenter's mallet +and a knife. Now the mallet belonged to an old Swede, one John Petersen, +and bore his initials. This instrument Williams left behind him, in Marr's +house, and it fell into the hands of the magistrates. Now, gentlemen, it +is a fact that the publication of this circumstance of the initials led +immediately to the apprehension of Williams, and, if made earlier, would +have prevented his second great work, (the murder of the Williamsons,) +which took place precisely twelve days after. But the magistrates kept back +this fact from the public for the entire twelve days, and until that second +work was accomplished. That finished, they published it, apparently feeling +that Williams had now done enough for his fame, and that his glory was at +length placed beyond the reach of accident. + +As to Mr. Thurtell's case, I know not what to say. Naturally, I have every +disposition to think highly of my predecessor in the chair of this society; +and I acknowledge that his lectures were unexceptionable. But, speaking +ingenuously, I do really think that his principal performance, as an +artist, has been much overrated. I admit that at first I was myself carried +away by the general enthusiasm. On the morning when the murder was made +known in London, there was the fullest meeting of amateurs that I have ever +known since the days of Williams; old bed-ridden connoisseurs, who had got +into a peevish way of sneering and complaining "that there was nothing +doing," now hobbled down to our club-room: such hilarity, such benign +expression of general satisfaction, I have rarely witnessed. On every side +you saw people shaking hands, congratulating each other, and forming +dinner parties for the evening; and nothing was to be heard but triumphant +challenges of--"Well! will _this_ do?" "Is _this_ the right thing?" "Are +you satisfied at last?" But, in the midst of this, I remember we all +grew silent on hearing the old cynical amateur, L. S----, that _laudator +temporis acti_, stumping along with his wooden leg; he entered the room +with his usual scowl, and, as he advanced, he continued to growl and +stutter the whole way--"Not an original idea in the whole piece--mere +plagiarism,--base plagiarism from hints that I threw out! Besides, his +style is as hard as Albert Durer, and as coarse as Fuseli." Many thought +that this was mere jealousy, and general waspishness; but I confess that, +when the first glow of enthusiasm had subsided, I have found most judicious +critics to agree that there was something _falsetto_ in the style of +Thurtell. The fact is, he was a member of our society, which naturally gave +a friendly bias to our judgments; and his person was universally familiar +to the cockneys, which gave him, with the whole London public, a temporary +popularity, that his pretensions are not capable of supporting; for +_opinionum commenta delet dies, naturæ judicia confirmat_. There was, +however, an unfinished design of Thurtell's for the murder of a man with a +pair of dumb-bells, which I admired greatly; it was a mere outline, that he +never completed; but to my mind it seemed every way superior to his chief +work. I remember that there was great regret expressed by some amateurs +that this sketch should have been left in an unfinished state: but there +I cannot agree with them; for the fragments and first bold outlines of +original artists have often a felicity about them which is apt to vanish in +the management of the details. + +The case of the M'Keands I consider far beyond the vaunted performance of +Thurtell,--indeed above all praise; and bearing that relation, in fact, to +the immortal works of Williams, which the Æneid bears to the Iliad. + +But it is now time that I should say a few words about the principles of +murder, not with a view to regulate your practice, but your judgment: as +to old women, and the mob of newspaper readers, they are pleased with +anything, provided it is bloody enough. But the mind of sensibility +requires something more. _First_, then, let us speak of the kind of person +who is adapted to the purpose of the murderer; _secondly_, of the place +where; _thirdly_, of the time when, and other little circumstances. + +As to the person, I suppose it is evident that he ought to be a good man; +because, if he were not, he might himself, by possibility, be contemplating +murder at the very time; and such "diamond-cut-diamond" tussles, though +pleasant enough where nothing better is stirring, are really not what a +critic can allow himself to call murders. I could mention some people (I +name no names) who have been murdered by other people in a dark lane; and +so far all seemed correct enough; but, on looking farther into the matter, +the public have become aware that the murdered party was himself, at the +moment, planning to rob his murderer, at the least, and possibly to murder +him, if he had been strong enough. Whenever that is the case, or may be +thought to be the case, farewell to all the genuine effects of the art. For +the final purpose of murder, considered as a fine art, is precisely the +same as that of tragedy, in Aristotle's account of it, viz., "to cleanse +the heart by means of pity and terror." Now, terror there may be, but how +can there be any pity for one tiger destroyed by another tiger? + +It is also evident that the person selected ought not to be a public +character. For instance, no judicious artist would have attempted to murder +Abraham Newland. For the case was this; everybody read so much about +Abraham Newland, and so few people ever saw him, that there was a fixed +belief that he was an abstract idea. And I remember that once, when I +happened to mention that I had dined at a coffee-house in company with +Abraham Newland, everybody looked scornfully at me, as though I had +pretended to have played at billiards with Prester John, or to have had an +affair of honor with the Pope. And, by the way, the Pope would be a very +improper person to murder: for he has such a virtual ubiquity as the father +of Christendom, and, like the cuckoo, is so often heard but never seen, +that I suspect most people regard _him_ also as an abstract idea. Where, +indeed, a public character is in the habit of giving dinners, "with every +delicacy of the season," the case is very different: every person is +satisfied that _he_ is no abstract idea; and, therefore, there can be no +impropriety in murdering him; only that his murder will fall into the class +of assassinations, which I have not yet treated. + +_Thirdly_. The subject chosen ought to be in good health: for it is +absolutely barbarous to murder a sick person, who is usually quite unable +to bear it. On this principle, no cockney ought to be chosen who is above +twenty-five, for after that age he is sure to be dyspeptic. Or at least, if +a man will hunt in that warren, he ought to murder a couple at one time; if +the cockneys chosen should be tailors, he will of course think it his duty, +on the old established equation, to murder eighteen. And, here, in this +attention to the comfort of sick people, you will observe the usual effect +of a fine art to soften and refine the feelings. The world in general, +gentlemen, are very bloody-minded; and all they want in a murder is a +copious effusion of blood; gaudy display in this point is enough for +_them_. But the enlightened connoisseur is more refined in his taste; +and from our art, as from all the other liberal arts when thoroughly +cultivated, the result is--to improve and to humanize the heart; so true is +it, that-- + + ----"Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes, + Emollit mores, nec sinit esse feros." + +A philosophic friend, well known for his philanthropy and general +benignity, suggests that the subject chosen ought also to have a family of +young children wholly dependent on his exertions, by way of deepening the +pathos. And, undoubtedly, this is a judicious caution. Yet I would not +insist too keenly on this condition. Severe good taste unquestionably +demands it; but still, where the man was otherwise unobjectionable in point +of morals and health, I would not look with too curious a jealousy to a +restriction which might have the effect of narrowing the artist's sphere. + +So much for the person. As to the time, the place, and the tools, I have +many things to say, which at present I have no room for. The good sense of +the practitioner has usually directed him to night and privacy. Yet +there have not been wanting cases where this rule was departed from with +excellent effect. In respect to time, Mrs. Ruscombe's case is a beautiful +exception, which I have already noticed; and in respect both to time and +place, there is a fine exception in the annals of Edinburgh, (year 1805,) +familiar to every child in Edinburgh, but which has unaccountably been +defrauded of its due portion of fame amongst English amateurs. The case +I mean is that of a porter to one of the banks, who was murdered whilst +carrying a bag of money, in broad daylight, on turning out of the High +Street, one of the most public streets in Europe, and the murderer is to +this hour undiscovered. + + "Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tcmpus, + Singula dum capti circumvectamur amore." + +And now, gentlemen, in conclusion, let me again solemnly disclaim all +pretensions on my own part to the character of a professional man. I never +attempted any murder in my life, except in the year 1801, upon the body of +a tom-cat; and _that_ turned out differently from my intention. My +purpose, I own, was downright murder. "Semper ego auditor tantum?" said I, +"nunquamne reponam?" And I went down stairs in search of Tom at one o'clock +on a dark night, with the "animus," and no doubt with the fiendish looks, +of a murderer. But when I found him, he was in the act of plundering the +pantry of bread and other things. Now this gave a new turn to the affair; +for the time being one of general scarcity, when even Christians were +reduced to the use of potato-bread, rice-bread, and all sorts of things, it +was downright treason in a tom-cat to be wasting good wheaten-bread in the +way he was doing. It instantly became a patriotic duty to put him to death; +and as I raised aloft and shook the glittering steel, I fancied myself +rising like Brutus, effulgent from a crowd of patriots, and, as I stabbed +him, I + + "called aloud on Tully's name, + And bade the father of his country hail!" + +Since then, what wandering thoughts I may have had of attempting the life +of an ancient ewe, of a superannuated hen, and such "small deer," are +locked up in the secrets of my own breast; but for the higher departments +of the art, I confess myself to be utterly unfit. My ambition does not rise +so high. No, gentlemen, in the words of Horace, + + "---fungos vice cotis, excutum + Reddere ere quæ ferrum valet, exsors ipsa secandi." + + + + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +DOCTOR NORTH: You are a liberal man: liberal in the true classical sense, +not in the slang sense of modern politicians and education-mongers. Being +so, I am sure that you will sympathize with my case. I am an ill-used man, +Dr. North--particularly ill used; and, with your permission, I will briefly +explain how. A black scene of calumny will be laid open; but you, Doctor, +will make all things square again. One frown from you, directed to the +proper quarter, or a warning shake of the crutch, will set me right in +public opinion, which at present, I am sorry to say, is rather hostile to +me and mine--all owing to the wicked arts of slanderers. But you shall +hear. + +A good many years ago you may remember that I came forward in the character +of a _dilettante_ in murder. Perhaps _dilettante_ may be too strong a word. +_Connoisseur_ is better suited to the scruples and infirmity of public +taste. I suppose there is no harm in _that_ at least. A man is not bound +to put his eyes, ears, and understanding into his breeches pocket when he +meets with a murder. If he is not in a downright comatose state, I suppose +he must see that one murder is better or worse than another in point of +good taste. Murders have their little differences and shades of merit as +well as statues, pictures, oratorios, cameos, intaglios, or what not. You +may be angry with the man for talking too much, or too publicly, (as to the +too much, that I deny--a man can never cultivate his taste too highly;) but +you must allow him to think, at any rate; and you, Doctor, you think, I am +sure, both deeply and correctly on the subject. Well, would you believe it? +all my neighbors came to hear of that little æsthetic essay which you had +published; and, unfortunately, hearing at the very same time of a club that +I as connected with, and a dinner at which I presided--both tending to the +same little object as the essay, viz., the diffusion of a just taste among +her majesty's subjects, they got up the most barbarous calumnies against +me. In particular, they said that I, or that the club, which comes to the +same thing, had offered bounties on well conducted homicides--with a scale +of drawbacks, in case of any one defect or flaw, according to a table +issued to private friends. Now, Doctor, I'll tell you the whole truth about +the dinner and the club, and you'll see how malicious the world is. But +first let me tell you, confidentially, what my real principles are upon the +matters in question. + +As to murder, I never committed one in my life. It's a well known thing +amongst all my friends. I can get a paper to certify as much, signed by +lots of people. Indeed, if you come to that, I doubt whether many +people could produce as strong a certificate. Mine would be as big as a +table-cloth. There is indeed one member of the club, who pretends to say +that he caught me once making too free with his throat on a club night, +after every body else had retired. But, observe, he shuffles in his story +according to his state of civilation. When not far gone, he contents +himself with saying that he caught me ogling his throat; and that I was +melancholy for some weeks after, and that my voice sounded in a way +expressing, to the nice ear of a connoisseur, _the sense of opportunities +lost_--but the club all know that he's a disappointed man himself, and that +he speaks querulously at times about the fatal neglect of a man's coming +abroad without his tools. Besides, all this is an affair between two +amateurs, and every body makes allowances for little asperities +and sorenesses in such a case. "But," say you, "If no murderer, my +correspondent may have encouraged, or even have bespoke a murder." No, upon +my honor--nothing of the kind. And that was the very point I wished to +argue for your satisfaction. The truth is, I am a very particular man in +everything relating to murder; and perhaps I carry my delicacy too far. The +Stagyrite most justly, and possibly with a view to my case, placed virtue +in the [Greek: to meson] or middle point between two extremes. A golden +mean is certainly what every man should aim at. But it is easier talking +than doing; and, my infirmity being notoriously too much milkiness of +heart, I find it difficult to maintain that steady equatorial line between +the two poles of too much murder on the one hand, and too little on the +other. I am too soft--Doctor, too soft; and people get excused through +me--nay, go through life without an attempt made upon them, that ought not +to be excused. I believe if I had the management of things, there would +hardly be a murder from year's end to year's end. In fact I'm for virtue, +and goodness, and all that sort of thing. And two instances I'll give you +to what an extremity I carry my virtue. The first may seem a trifle; but +not if you knew my nephew, who was certainly born to be hanged, and would +have been so long ago, but for my restraining voice. He is horribly +ambitious, and thinks himself a man of cultivated taste in most branches of +murder, whereas, in fact, he has not one idea on the subject, but such +as he has stolen from me. This is so well known, that the club has twice +blackballed him, though every indulgence was shown to him as my relative. +People came to me and said--"Now really, President, we would do much to +serve a relative of yours. But still, what can be said? You know yourself +that he'll disgrace us. If we were to elect him, why, the next thing we +should hear of would be some vile butcherly murder, by way of justifying +our choice. And what sort of a concern would it be? You know, as well as we +do, that it would be a disgraceful affair, more worthy of the shambles than +of an artist's _attelier_. He would fall upon some great big man, some huge +farmer returning drunk from a fair. There would be plenty of blood, and +_that_ he would expect us to take in lieu of taste, finish, scenical +grouping. Then, again, how would he tool? Why, most probably with a cleaver +and a couple of paving stones: so that the whole _coup d'oeil_ would remind +you rather of some hideous ogre or cyclops, than of the delicate operator +of the nineteenth century." The picture was drawn with the hand of truth; +_that_ I could not but allow, and, as to personal feelings in the matter, I +dismissed them from the first. The next morning I spoke to my nephew--I was +delicately situated, as you see, but I determined that no consideration +should induce me to flinch from my duty. "John," said I, "you seem to me to +have taken an erroneous view of life and its duties. Pushed on by ambition, +you are dreaming rather of what it might be glorious to attempt, than what +it would be possible for you to accomplish. Believe me, it is not necessary +to a man's respectability that he should commit a murder. Many a man has +passed through life most respectably, without attempting any species of +homicide--good, bad, or indifferent. It is your first duty to ask yourself, +_quid valeant humeri, quid ferre recusent_? we cannot all be brilliant men +in this life. And it is for your interest to be contented rather with a +humble station well filled, than to shock every body with failures, the +more conspicuous by contrast with the ostentation of their promises." John +made no answer, he looked very sulky at the moment, and I am in high +hopes that I have saved a near relation from making a fool of himself by +attempting what is as much beyond his capacity as an epic poem. Others, +however, tell me that he is meditating a revenge upon me and the whole +club. But let this be as it may, _liberavi animam meam_; and, as you see, +have run some risk with a wish to diminish the amount of homicide. But the +other case still more forcibly illustrates my virtue. A man came to me as +a candidate for the place of my servant, just then vacant. He had the +reputation of having dabbled a little in our art; some said not without +merit. What startled me, however, was, that he supposed this art to be +part of his regular duties in my service. Now that was a thing I would not +allow; so I said at once, "Richard (or James, as the case might be,) you +misunderstand my character. If a man will and must practise this difficult +(and allow me to add, dangerous) branch of art--if he has an overruling +genius for it, why, he might as well pursue his studies whilst living in my +service as in another's. And also, I may observe, that it can do no harm +either to himself or to the subject on whom he operates, that he should +be guided by men of more taste than himself. Genius may do much, but long +study of the art must always entitle a man to offer advice. So far I will +go--general principles I will suggest. But as to any particular case, once +for all I will have nothing to do with it. Never tell me of any special +work of art you are meditating--I set my face against it _in toto_. For if +once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think +little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and +Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once +begin upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many +a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought +little of at the time. _Principiis obsta_--that's my rule." Such was my +speech, and I have always acted up to it; so if that is not being virtuous, +I should be glad to know what is. But now about the dinner and the club. +The club was not particularly of my creation; it arose pretty much as other +similar associations, for the propagation of truth and the communication of +new ideas, rather from the necessities of things than upon any one man's +suggestion. As to the dinner, if any man more than another could be held +responsible for that, it was a member known amongst us by the name of +_Toad-in-the-hole_. He was so called from his gloomy misanthropical +disposition, which led him into constant disparagements of all modern +murders as vicious abortions, belonging to no authentic school of art. The +finest performances of our own age he snarled at cynically; and at length +this querulous humor grew upon him so much, and he became so notorious as a +_laudator tentporis acti_, that few people cared to seek his society. This +made him still more fierce and truculent. He went about muttering and +growling; wherever you met him he was soliloquizing and saying, "despicable +pretender--without grouping--without two ideas upon handling--without"--and +there you lost him. At length existence seemed to be painful to him; +he rarely spoke, he seemed conversing with phantoms in the air, his +housekeeper informed us that his reading was nearly confined to _God's +Revenge upon Murder_, by Reynolds, and a more ancient book of the same +title, noticed by Sir Walter Scott in his _Fortunes of Nigel_. Sometimes, +perhaps, he might read in the Newgate Calendar down to the year 1788, but +he never looked into a book more recent. In fact, he had a theory with +regard to the French Revolution, as having been the great cause of +degeneration in murder. "Very soon, sir," he used to say, "men will have +lost the art of killing poultry: the very rudiments of the art will +have perished!" In the year 1811 he retired from general society. +Toad-in-the-hole was no more seen in any public resort. We missed him from +his wonted haunts--nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he. By the side of +the main conduit his listless length at noontide he would stretch, and pore +upon the filth that muddled by. "Even dogs are not what they were, sir--not +what they should be. I remember in my grandfather's time that some dogs had +an idea of murder. I have known a mastiff lie in ambush for a rival, sir, +and murder him with pleasing circumstances of good taste. Yes, sir, I knew +a tom-cat that was an assassin. But now"--and then, the subject growing too +painful, he dashed his hand to his forehead, and went off abruptly in a +homeward direction towards his favorite conduit, where he was seen by an +amateur in such a state that he thought it dangerous to address him. Soon +after he shut himself entirely up; it was understood that he had resigned +himself to melancholy; and at length the prevailing notion was, that +Toad-in-the-hole had hanged himself. + +The world was wrong _there_, as it has been on some other questions. +Toad-in-the-hole might be sleeping, but dead he was not; and of that we +soon had ocular proof. One morning in 1812, an amateur surprised us with +the news that he had seen Toad-in-the-hole brushing with hasty steps the +dews away to meet the postman by the conduit side. Even that was something: +how much more, to hear that he had shaved his beard--had laid aside his +sad-colored clothes, and was adorned like a bridegroom of ancient days. +What could be the meaning of all this? Was Toad-in-the-hole mad? or how? +Soon after the secret was explained--in more than a figurative sense +"the murder was out." For in came the London morning papers, by which +it appeared that but three days before a murder, the most superb of the +century by many degrees had occurred in the heart of London. I need hardly +say, that this was the great exterminating _chef-d'oeuvre_ of Williams at +Mr. Marr's, No. 29, Ratcliffe Highway. That was the _début_ of the artist; +at least for anything the public knew. What occurred at Mr. Williamson's +twelve nights afterwards--the second work turned out from the same +chisel--some people pronounced even superior. But Toad-in-the-hole always +"reclaimed"--he was even angry at comparisons. "This vulgar _gout de +comparaison_, as La Bruyère calls it," he would often remark, "will be +our ruin; each work has its own separate characteristics--each in and for +itself is incomparable. One, perhaps, might suggest the _Iliad_--the other +the _Odyssey_: what do you get by such comparisons? Neither ever was, or +will be surpassed; and when you've talked for hours, you must still come +back to that." Vain, however, as all criticism might be, he often said that +volumes might be written on each case for itself; and he even proposed to +publish in quarto on the subject. + +Meantime, how had Toad-in-the-hole happened to hear of this great work +of art so early in the morning? He had received an account by express, +dispatched by a correspondent in London, who watched the progress of art On +_Toady's_ behalf, with a general commission to send off a special express, +at whatever cost, in the event of any estimable works appearing--how much +more upon occasion of a _ne plus ultra_ in art! The express arrived in the +night-time; Toad-in-the-hole was then gone to bed; he had been muttering +and grumbling for hours, but of course he was called up. On reading the +account, he threw his arms round the express, called him his brother and +his preserver; settled a pension upon him for three lives, and expressed +his regret at not having it in his power to knight him. We, on our part--we +amateurs, I mean--having heard that he was abroad, and therefore had _not_ +hanged himself, made sure of soon seeing him amongst us. Accordingly he +soon arrived, knocked over the porter on his road to the reading-room; he +seized every man's hand as he passed him--wrung it almost frantically, and +kept ejaculating, "Why, now here's something like a murder!--this is the +real thing--this is genuine--this is what you can approve, can recommend to +a friend: this--says every man, on reflection--this is the thing that ought +to be!" Then, looking at particular friends, he said--"Why, Jack, how are +you? Why, Tom, how are you? Bless me, you look ten years younger than +when I last saw you." "No, sir," I replied, "It is you who look ten years +younger." "Do I? well, I should'nt wonder if I did; such works are +enough to make us all young." And in fact the general opinion is, that +Toad-in-the-hole would have died but for this regeneration of art, which +he called a second age of Leo the Tenth; and it was our duty, he said +solemnly, to commemorate it. At present, and _en attendant_--rather as an +occasion for a public participation in public sympathy, than as in itself +any commensurate testimony of our interest--he proposed that the club +should meet and dine together. A splendid public dinner, therefore, was +given by the club; to which all amateurs were invited from a distance of +one hundred miles. + +Of this dinner there are ample short-hand notes amongst the archives of +the club. But they are not "extended," to speak diplomatically; and the +reporter is missing--I believe, murdered. Meantime, in years long after +that day, and on an occasion perhaps equally interesting, viz., the turning +up of Thugs and Thuggism, another dinner was given. Of this I myself kept +notes, for fear of another accident to the short-hand reporter. And I here +subjoin them. Toad-in-the-hole, I must mention, was present at this dinner. +In fact, it was one of its sentimental incidents. Being as old as the +valleys at the dinner of 1812, naturally he was as old as the hills at the +Thug dinner of 1838. He had taken to wearing his beard again; why, or with +what view, it passes my persimmon to tell you. But so it was. And his +appearance was most benign and venerable. Nothing could equal the angelic +radiance of his smile as he inquired after the unfortunate reporter, (whom, +as a piece of private scandal, I should tell you that he was himself +supposed to have murdered, in a rapture of creative art:) the answer was, +with roars of laughter, from the under-sheriff of our county--"Non est +inventus." Toad-in-the-hole laughed outrageously at this: in fact, we all +thought he was choking; and, at the earnest request of the company, a +musical composer furnished a most beautiful glee upon the occasion, +which was sung five times after dinner, with universal applause and +inextinguishable laughter, the words being these, (and the chorus +so contrived, as most beautifully to mimic the peculiar laughter of +Toad-in-the-hole:)-- + + "Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the hole--Ubi est ille reporter? + Et responsum est cum cachinno--Non est inventus." + + +CHORUS. + + "Deinde iteratum est ab omnibus, cum cachinnatione undulante-- + Non est inventus." + +Toad-in-the-hole, I ought to mention, about nine years before, when an +express from Edinburgh brought him the earliest intelligence of the +Burke-and-Hare revolution in the art, went mad upon the spot; and, instead +of a pension to the express for even one life, or a knighthood, endeavored +to burke him; in consequence of which he was put into a strait waistcoat. +And that was the reason we had no dinner then. But now all of us were alive +and kicking, strait-waistcoaters and others; in fact, not one absentee +was reported upon the entire roll. There were also many foreign amateurs +present. + +Dinner being over, and the cloth drawn, there was a general call made for +the new glee of _Non est inventus_; but, as this would have interfered with +the requisite gravity of the company during the earlier toasts, I overruled +the call. After the national toasts had been given, the first official +toast of the day was, _The Old Man of the Mountains_--drunk in solemn +silence. + +Toad-in-the-hole returned thanks in a neat speech. He likened himself to +the Old Man of the Mountains, in a few brief allusions, that made the +company absolutely yell with laughter; and he concluded with giving the +health of + +_Mr. Von Hammer_, with many thanks to him for his learned History of the +Old Man and his subjects the assassins. + +Upon this I rose and said, that doubtless most of the company were aware +of the distinguished place assigned by orientalists to the very learned +Turkish scholar Von Hammer the Austrian; that he had made the profoundest +researches into our art as connected with those early and eminent artists +the Syrian assassins in the period of the Crusaders; that his work had been +for several years deposited, as a rare treasure of art, in the library +of the club. Even the author's name, gentlemen, pointed him out as the +historian of our art--Von Hammer-- + +"Yes, yes," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, who never can sit still--"Yes, +yes, Von Hammer--he's the man for a _malleus hæreticorum_: think rightly +of our art, or he's the man to tickle your catastrophes. You all know what +consideration Williams bestowed on the hammer, or the ship carpenter's +mallet, which is the same thing. Gentlemen, I give you another great +hammer--Charles the Hammer, the Marteau, or, in old French, the Martel--he +hammered the Saracens till they were all as dead as door-nails--he did, +believe me." + +"_Charles Martel_, with all the honors." + +But the explosion of Toad-in-the-hole, together with the uproarious cheers +for the grandpapa of Charlemagne, had now made the company unmanageable. +The orchestra was again challenged with shouts the stormiest for the new +glee. I made again a powerful effort to overrule the challenge. I might +as well have talked to the winds. I foresaw a tempestuous evening; and I +ordered myself to be strengthened with three waiters on each side; the +vice-president with as many. Symptoms of unruly enthusiasm were beginning +to show out; and I own that I myself was considerably excited as the +orchestra opened with its storm of music, and the impassioned glee +began--"_Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Reporter_?" +And the frenzy of the passion became absolutely convulsing, as the full +chorus fell in--"_Et iteratum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus_" + +By this time I saw how things were going: wine and music were making most +of the amateurs wild. Particularly Toad-in-the-hole, though considerably +above a hundred years old, was getting as vicious as a young leopard. It +was a fixed impression with the company that he had murdered the reporter +in the year 1812; since which time (viz. twenty-six years) "ille reporter" +had been constantly reported "Non est inventus." Consequently, the glee +about himself, which of itself was most tumultuous and jubilant, carried +him off his feet. Like the famous choral songs amongst the citizens of +Abdera, nobody could hear it without a contagious desire for falling back +into the agitating music of "Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole," &c. +I enjoined vigilance upon my assessors, and the business of the evening +proceeded. + +The next toast was--_The Jewish Sicarii_. + +Upon which I made the following explanation to the company:--"Gentlemen, +I am sure it will interest you all to hear that the assassins, ancient as +they were, had a race of predecessors in the very same country. All over +Syria, but particularly in Palestine, during the early years of the Emperor +Nero, there was a band of murderers, who prosecuted their studies in a very +novel manner. They did not practise in the night-time, or in lonely places; +but justly considering that great crowds are in themselves a sort of +darkness by means of the dense pressure and the impossibility of finding +out who it was that gave the blow, they mingled with mobs everywhere; +particularly at the great paschal feast in Jerusalem; where they actually +had the audacity, as Josephus assures us, to press into the temple,--and +whom should they choose for operating upon but Jonathan himself, the +Pontifex Maximus? They murdered him, gentlemen, as beautifully as if they +had had him alone on a moonless night in a dark lane. And when it was +asked, who was the murderer, and where he was"-- + +"Why, then, it was answered," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, "_Non est +inventus_." And then, in spite of all I could do or say, the +orchestra opened, and the whole company began--"Et interrogatum est à +Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Sicarius? Et responsum est ab omnibus--_Non +est inventus_." + +When the tempestuous chorus had subsided, I began again:--"Gentlemen, you +will find a very circumstantial account of the Sicarii in at least three +different parts of Josephus; once in Book XX. sect. v. c. 8, of his +_Antiquities_; once in Book I. of his _Wars_: but in sect. 10 of the +chapter first cited you will find a particular description of their +tooling. This is what he says--'They tooled with small scymetars not much +different from the Persian _acinacæ_, but more curved, and for all the +world most like the Roman sickles or _sicæ_.' It is perfectly magnificent, +gentlemen, to hear the sequel of their history. Perhaps the only case +on record where a regular army of murderers was assembled, a _justus +exercitus_, was in the case of these _Sicarii_. They mustered in such +strength in the wilderness, that Festus himself was obliged to march +against them with the Roman legionary force." + +Upon which Toad-in-the-hole, that cursed interrupter, broke out +a-singing--"Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille exercitus? +Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + +"No, no, Toad--you are wrong for once: that army _was_ found, and was all +cut to pieces in the desert. Heavens, gentlemen, what a sublime picture! +The Roman legions--the wilderness--Jerusalem in the distance--an army of +murderers in the foreground!" + +Mr. R., a member, now gave the next toast--"To the further improvement of +Tooling, and thanks to the Committee for their services." + +Mr. L., on behalf of the committee who had reported on that subject, +returned thanks. He made an interesting extract from the report, by which +it appeared how very much stress had been laid formerly on the mode of +tooling, by the fathers, both Greek and Latin. In confirmation of this +pleasing fact, he made a very striking statement in reference to the +earliest work of antediluvian art. Father Mersenne, that learned Roman +Catholic, in page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one[1] of his +operose Commentary on Genesis, mentions, on the authority of several +rabbis, that the quarrel of Cain with Abel was about a young woman; that, +by various accounts, Cain had tooled with his teeth, [Abelem fuisse +_morsibus_ dilaceratum à Cain;] by many others, with the jaw-bone of an +ass; which is the tooling adopted by most painters. But it is pleasing to +the mind of sensibility to know that, as science expanded, sounder views +were adopted. One author contends for a pitchfork, St. Chrysostom for a +sword, Irenæus for a scythe, and Prudentius for a hedging-bill. This last +writer delivers his opinion thus:-- + + "Frater, probatæ sanctitatis æmulus, + Germana curvo colla frangit sarculo:" + +_i.e_. his brother, jealous of his attested sanctity, fractures his +brotherly throat with a curved hedging-bill. "All which is respectfully +submitted by your committee, not so much as decisive of the question, (for +it is not,) but in order to impress upon the youthful mind the importance +which has ever been attached to the quality of the tooling by such men as +Chrysostom and Irenæus." + +[Footnote 1: "Page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one"--_literally_, +good reader, and no joke at all.] + +"Dang Irenæus!" said Toad-in-the-hole, who now rose impatiently to give the +next toast:--"Our Irish friends; and a speedy revolution in their mode of +tooling, as well as everything else connected with the art!" + +"Gentlemen, I'll tell you the plain truth. Every day of the year we take +up a paper, we read the opening of a murder. We say, this is good, this +is charming, this is excellent! But, behold you! scarcely have we read a +little farther, before the word Tipperary or Ballina-something betrays the +Irish manufacture. Instantly we loath it; we call to the waiter; we say, +Waiter, take away this paper; send it out of the house; it is absolutely +offensive to all just taste.' I appeal to every man whether, on finding a +murder (otherwise perhaps promising enough) to be Irish, he does not feel +himself as much insulted as when Madeira being ordered, he finds it to be +Cape; or when, taking up what he takes to be a mushroom, it turns out +what children call a toad-stool. Tithes, politics, or something wrong in +principle, vitiate every Irish murder. Gentlemen, this must be reformed, or +Ireland will not be a land to live in; at least, if we do live there, we +must import all our murders, that's clear." Toad-in-the-hole sat +down growling with suppressed wrath, and the universal "Hear, hear!" +sufficiently showed that he spoke the general feeling. + +The next toast was--"The sublime epoch of Burkism and Harism!" + +This was drunk with enthusiasm; and one of the members, who spoke to the +question, made a very curious communication to the company:--"Gentlemen, +we fancy Burkism to be a pure invention of our own times: and in fact no +Pancirollus has ever enumerated this branch of art when writing _de rebus +deperditis_. Still I have ascertained that the essential principle of the +art _was_ known to the ancients, although like the art of painting upon +glass, of making the myrrhine cups, &c., it was lost in the dark ages for +want of encouragement. In the famous collection of Greek epigrams made +by Planudes is one upon a very charming little case of Burkism: it is a +perfect little gem of art. The epigram itself I cannot lay my hand upon at +this moment, but the following is an abstract of it by Salmasius, as I find +it in his notes on Vopiscus: 'Est et elegans epigramma Lucilii, (well +he might call it "elegans!") ubi medicus et pollinctor de compacto sic +egerunt, ut medicus ægros omnes curæ suæ commissos occideret:' this was +the basis of the contract, you see, that on the one part the doctor, for +himself and his assigns, doth undertake and contract duly and truly to +murder all the patients committed to his charge: but why? There lies the +beauty of the case--'Et ut pollinctori amico suo traderet pollingendos.' +The _pollinctor_, you are aware, was a person whose business it was to +dress and prepare dead bodies for burial. The original ground of the +transaction appears to have been sentimental: 'He was my friend,' says the +murderous doctor; 'he was dear to me,' in speaking of the pollinctor. But +the law, gentlemen, is stern and harsh: the law will not hear of these +tender motives: to sustain a contract of this nature in law, it is +essential that a 'consideration' should be given. Now what _was_ the +consideration? For thus far all is on the side of the pollinctor: he +will be well paid for his services; but, meantime, the generous, the +noble-minded doctor gets nothing. What _was_ the little consideration +again, I ask, which the law would insist on the doctor's taking? You shall +hear: 'Et ut pollinctor vicissim [Greek: telamonas] quos furabatur de +pollinctione mortuorum medico mitteret doni ad alliganda vulnera eorurn +quos curabat.' Now, the case is clear: the whole went on a principle of +reciprocity which would have kept up the trade for ever. The doctor was +also a surgeon: he could not murder _all_ his patients: some of the +surgical patients must be retained intact; _re infectâ_. For these he +wanted linen bandages. But, unhappily, the Romans wore woollen, on which +account they bathed so often. Meantime, there _was_ linen to be had in +Rome; but it was monstrously dear; and the [Greek: telamones] or linen +swathing bandages, in which superstition obliged them to bind up corpses, +would answer capitally for the surgeon. The doctor, therefore, contracts to +furnish his friend with a constant succession of corpses, provided, and be +it understood always, that his said friend in return should supply him with +one half of the articles he would receive from the friends of the parties +murdered or to be murdered. The doctor invariably recommended his +invaluable friend the pollinctor, (whom let us call the undertaker;) the +undertaker, with equal regard to the sacred rights of friendship, uniformly +recommended the doctor. Like Pylades and Orestes, they were models of a +perfect friendship: in their lives they were lovely, and on the gallows, it +is to be hoped, they were not divided. + +"Gentlemen, it makes me laugh horribly, when I think of those two friends +drawing and redrawing on each other: 'Pollinctor in account with Doctor, +debtor by sixteen corpses; creditor by forty-five bandages, two of which +damaged.' Their names unfortunately are lost; but I conceive they must have +been Quintus Burkius and Publius Harius. By the way, gentlemen, has anybody +heard lately of Hare? I understand he is comfortably settled in Ireland, +considerably to the west, and does a little business now and then; but, as +he observes with a sigh, only as a retailer--nothing like the fine thriving +wholesale concern so carelessly blown up at Edinburgh. 'You see what comes +of neglecting business,'--is the chief moral, the [Greek: epimutheon], +as Æsop would say, which he draws from his past experience." + +At length came the toast of the day--_Thugdom in all its branches_. + +The speeches _attempted_ at this crisis of the dinner were past all +counting. But the applause was so furious, the music so stormy, and the +crashing of glasses so incessant, from the general resolution never again +to drink an inferior toast from the same glass, that my power is not equal +to the task of reporting. Besides which, Toad-in-the-hole now became quite +ungovernable. He kept firing pistols in every direction; sent his servant +for a blunderbuss, and talked of loading with ball-cartridge. We conceived +that his former madness had returned at the mention of Burke and Hare; or +that, being again weary of life, he had resolved to go off in a general +massacre. This we could not think of allowing: it became indispensable, +therefore, to kick him out, which we did with universal consent, the whole +company lending their toes _uno pede_, as I may say, though pitying his +gray hairs and his angelic smile. During the operation the orchestra poured +in their old chorus. The universal company sang, and (what surprised us +most of all) Toad-in-the-hole joined us furiously in singing-- + + "Et interrogatum est ab omnibus--Ubi est ille Toad-in-the-hole + Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + + + + +JOAN OF ARC[1] + +IN REFERENCE TO M. MICHELET'S HISTORY OF FRANCE. + + +What is to be thought of _her_? What is to be thought of the poor shepherd +girl from the hills and forests of Lorraine, that--like the Hebrew shepherd +boy from the hills and forests of Judæa--rose suddenly out of the quiet, +out of the safety, out of the religious inspiration, rooted in deep +pastoral solitudes, to a station in the van of armies, and to the more +perilous station at the right hand of kings? The Hebrew boy inaugurated his +patriotic mission by an _act_, by a victorious _act_, such as no man could +deny. But so did the girl of Lorraine, if we read her story as it was read +by those who saw her nearest. Adverse armies bore witness to the boy as no +pretender: but so they did to the gentle girl. Judged by the voices of all +who saw them _from a station of good will_, both were found true and loyal +to any promises involved in their first acts. Enemies it was that made the +difference between their subsequent fortunes. The boy rose--to a splendor +and a noon-day prosperity, both personal and public, that rang through the +records of his people, and became a byeword amongst his posterity for a +thousand years, until the sceptre was departing from Judah. The poor, +forsaken girl, on the contrary, drank not herself from that cup of rest +which she had secured for France. She never sang together with the songs +that rose in her native Domrémy, as echoes to the departing steps of +invaders. She mingled not in the festal dances at Vaucouleurs which +celebrated in rapture the redemption of France. No! for her voice was then +silent: No! for her feet were dust. Pure, innocent, noble-hearted girl! +whom, from earliest youth, ever I believed in as full of truth and +self-sacrifice, this was amongst the strongest pledges for _thy_ side, +that never once--no, not for a moment of weakness--didst thou revel in the +vision of coronets and honor from man. Coronets for thee! O no! Honors, if +they come when all is over, are for those that share thy blood.[2] Daughter +of Domrémy, when the gratitude of thy king shall awaken, thou wilt be +sleeping the sleep of the dead. Call her, King of France, but she will not +hear thee! Cite her by thy apparitors to come and receive a robe of honor, +but she will be found _en contumace_. When the thunders of universal +France, as even yet may happen, shall proclaim the grandeur of the poor +shepherd girl that gave up all for her country--thy ear, young shepherd +girl, will have been deaf for five centuries. To suffer and to do, that was +thy portion in this life; to _do_--never for thyself, always for others; +to _suffer_--never in the persons of generous champions, always in thy +own--that was thy destiny; and not for a moment was it hidden from thyself. +Life, thou saidst, is short: and the sleep which is in the grave, is long! +Let me use that life, so transitory, for the glory of those heavenly dreams +destined to comfort the sleep which is so long. This pure creature--pure +from every suspicion of even a visionary self-interest, even as she was +pure in senses more obvious--never once did this holy child, as regarded +herself, relax from her belief in the darkness that was travelling to meet +her. She might not prefigure the very manner of her death; she saw not in +vision, perhaps, the aërial altitude of the fiery scaffold, the spectators +without end on every road pouring into Rouen as to a coronation, the +surging smoke, the volleying flames, the hostile faces all around, the +pitying eye that lurked but here and there until nature and imperishable +truth broke loose from artificial restraints; these might not be apparent +through the mists of the hurrying future. But the voice that called her to +death, _that_ she heard for ever. + +Great was the throne of France even in those days, and great was he that +sate upon it: but well Joanna knew that not the throne, nor he that sate +upon it, was for _her_; but, on the contrary, that she was for _them_; not +she by them, but they by her, should rise from the dust. Gorgeous were +the lilies of France, and for centuries had the privilege to spread their +beauty over land and sea, until, in another century, the wrath of God and +man combined to wither them; but well Joanna knew, early at Domrémy she had +read that bitter truth, that the lilies of France would decorate no garland +for _her_. Flower nor bud, bell nor blossom, would ever bloom for _her_. + +But stop. What reason is there for taking up this subject of Joanna +precisely in this spring of 1847? Might it not have been left till the +spring of 1947? or, perhaps, left till called for? Yes, but it _is_ called +for; and clamorously. You are aware, reader, that amongst the many original +thinkers, whom modern France has produced, one of the reputed leaders is M. +Michelet. All these writers are of a revolutionary cast; not in a political +sense merely, but in all senses; mad, oftentimes, as March hares; crazy +with the laughing-gas of recovered liberty; drunk with the wine-cup of +their mighty Revolution, snorting, whinnying, throwing up their heels, like +wild horses in the boundless pampas, and running races of defiance with +snipes, or with the winds, or with their own shadows, if they can find +nothing else to challenge. Some time or other, I, that have leisure to +read, may introduce _you_, that have not, to two or three dozen of these +writers; of whom I can assure you beforehand that they are often profound, +and at intervals are even as impassioned as if they were come of our best +English blood, and sometimes (because it is not pleasant that people should +be too easy to understand) almost as obscure as if they had been suckled +by transcendental German nurses. But now, confining our attention to M. +Michelet--who is quite sufficient to lead a man into a gallop, requiring +two relays, at least, of fresh readers,--we in England--who know him best +by his worst book, the book against Priests, &c., which has been most +circulated--know him disadvantageously. That book is a rhapsody of +incoherence. M. Michelet was light-headed, I believe, when he wrote it: +and it is well that his keepers overtook him in time to intercept a second +part. But his _History of France_ is quite another thing. A man, in +whatsoever craft he sails, cannot stretch away out of sight when he is +linked to the windings of the shore by towing ropes of history. Facts, and +the consequences of facts, draw the writer back to the falconer's lure from +the giddiest heights of speculation. Here, therefore--in his _France_,--if +not always free from flightiness, if now and then off like a rocket for +an airy wheel in the clouds, M. Michelet, with natural politeness, never +forgets that he has left a large audience waiting for him on earth, and +gazing upwards in anxiety for his return: return, therefore, he does. But +History, though clear of certain temptations in one direction, has separate +dangers of its own. It is impossible so to write a History of France, or +of England--works becoming every hour more indispensable to the +inevitably-political man of this day--without perilous openings for +assault. If I, for instance, on the part of England, should happen to turn +my labors into that channel, and (on the model of Lord Percy going to Chevy +Chase)-- + + ----"A vow to God should make + My pleasure in the Michelet woods + Three summer days to take," + +--probably from simple delirium, I might hunt M. Michelet into _delirium +tremens_. Two strong angels stand by the side of History, whether French +History or English, as heraldic supporters: the angel of Research on the +left hand, that must read millions of dusty parchments, and of pages +blotted with lies; the angel of Meditation on the right hand, that must +cleanse these lying records with fire, even as of old the draperies of +_asbestos_ were cleansed, and must quicken them into regenerated life. +Willingly I acknowledge that no man will ever avoid innumerable errors of +detail: with so vast a compass of ground to traverse, this is impossible: +but such errors (though I have a bushel on hand, at M. Michelet's service) +are not the game I chase: it is the bitter and unfair spirit in which +M. Michelet writes against England. Even _that_, after all, is but my +secondary object: the real one is Joanna, the Pucelle d'Orleans for +herself. + +I am not going to write the History of _La Pucelle_: to do this, or even +circumstantially to report the history of her persecution and bitter death, +of her struggle with false witnesses and with ensnaring judges, it would +be necessary to have before us _all_ the documents, and, therefore, the +collection only now forthcoming in Paris. But _my_ purpose is narrower. +There have been great thinkers, disdaining the careless judgments of +contemporaries, who have thrown themselves boldly on the judgment of a far +posterity, that should have had time to review, to ponder, to compare. +There have been great actors on the stage of tragic humanity that might, +with the same depth of confidence, have appealed from the levity of +compatriot friends--too heartless for the sublime interest of their story, +and too impatient for the labor of sifting its perplexities--to the +magnanimity and justice of enemies. To this class belongs the Maid of Arc. +The Romans were too faithful to the ideal of grandeur in themselves not +to relent, after a generation or two, before the grandeur of Hannibal. +Mithridates--a more doubtful person--yet, merely for the magic perseverance +of his indomitable malice, won from the same Romans the only real honor +that ever he received on earth. And we English have ever shown the same +homage to stubborn enmity. To work unflinchingly for the ruin of England; +to say through life, by word and by deed--_Delenda est Anglia Victrix_! +that one purpose of malice, faithfully pursued, has quartered some people +upon our national funds of homage as by a perpetual annuity. Better than an +inheritance of service rendered to England herself, has sometimes proved +the most insane hatred to England. Hyder Ali, even his far inferior son +Tippoo, and Napoleon, have all benefited by this disposition amongst +ourselves to exaggerate the merit of diabolic enmity. Not one of these men +was ever capable, in a solitary instance, of praising an enemy--[what +do you say to _that_, reader?] and yet in _their_ behalf, we consent to +forget, not their crimes only, but (which is worse) their hideous bigotry +and anti-magnanimous egotism; for nationality it was not. Suffrein, and +some half dozen of other French nautical heroes, because rightly they did +us all the mischief they could, [which was really great] are names justly +reverenced in England. On the same principle, La Pucelle d'Orleans, the +victorious enemy of England, has been destined to receive her deepest +commemoration from the magnanimous justice of Englishmen. + +Joanna, as we in England should call her, but, according to her own +statement, Jeanne (or, as M. Michelet asserts, Jean[3]) d'Arc, was born at +Domrémy, a village on the marshes of Lorraine and Champagne, and dependent +upon the town of Vaucouleurs. I have called her a Lorrainer, not simply +because the word is prettier, but because Champagne too odiously reminds +us English of what are for _us_ imaginary wines, which, undoubtedly, _La +Pucelle_ tasted as rarely as we English; we English, because the Champagne +of London is chiefly grown in Devonshire; _La Pucelle_, because the +Champagne of Champagne never, by any chance, flowed into the fountain of +Domrémy, from which only she drank. M. Michelet will have her to be a +_Champenoise_, and for no better reason than that she "took after her +father," who happened to be a _Champenoise_. I am sure she did _not_: for +her father was a filthy old fellow, whom I shall soon teach the judicious +reader to hate. But, (says M. Michelet, arguing the case physiologically) +"she had none of the Lorrainian asperity;" no, it seems she had only "the +gentleness of Champagne, its simplicity mingled with sense and acuteness, +as you find it in Joinville." All these things she had; and she was worth a +thousand Joinvilles, meaning either the prince so called, or the fine old +crusader. But still, though I love Joanna dearly, I cannot shut my eyes +entirely to the Lorraine element of "asperity" in her nature. No; really +now, she must have had a shade of _that_, though very slightly developed--a +mere soupçon, as French cooks express it in speaking of cayenne pepper, +when she caused so many of our English throats to be cut. But could she do +less? No; I always say so; but still you never saw a person kill even a +trout with a perfectly "Champagne" face of "gentleness and simplicity," +though, often, no doubt, with considerable "acuteness." All your cooks and +butchers wear a _Lorraine_ cast of expression. + +These disputes, however, turn on refinements too nice. Domrémy stood +upon the frontiers; and, like other frontiers, produced a _mixed_ race +representing the _cis_ and the _trans_. A river (it is true) formed the +boundary line at this point--the river Meuse; and _that_, in old days, +might have divided the populations; but in these days it did not--there +were bridges, there were ferries, and weddings crossed from the right bank +to the left. Here lay two great roads, not so much for travellers, that +were few, as for armies that were too many by half. These two roads, one of +which was the great high road between France and Germany, _decussated_ at +this very point; which is a learned way of saying that they formed a St. +Andrew's cross, or letter X. I hope the compositor will choose a good large +X, in which case the point of intersection, the _locus_ of conflux for +these four diverging arms, will finish the reader's geographical education, +by showing him to a hair's breadth where it was that Domrémy stood. These +roads, so grandly situated, as great trunk arteries between two mighty +realms,[4] and haunted for ever by wars or rumors of wars, decussated (for +anything I know to the contrary) absolutely under Joanna's bed-room window; +one rolling away to the right, past Monsieur D'Arc's old barn, and the +other unaccountably preferring (but there's no disputing about tastes) to +sweep round that odious man's odious pigstye to the left. + +Things being situated as is here laid down, viz. in respect of the +decussation, and in respect of Joanna's bed-room; it follows that, if she +had dropped her glove by accident from her chamber window into the very +bull's eye of the target, in the centre of X, not one of several great +potentates could (though all animated by the sincerest desires for the +peace of Europe) have possibly come to any clear understanding on the +question of whom the glove was meant for. Whence the candid reader +perceives at once the necessity for at least four bloody wars. Falling +indeed a little farther, as, for instance, into the pigstye, the glove +could not have furnished to the most peppery prince any shadow of excuse +for arming: he would not have had a leg to stand upon in taking such a +perverse line of conduct. But, if it fell (as by the hypothesis it did) +into the one sole point of ground common to four kings, it is clear that, +instead of no leg to stand upon, eight separate legs would have had +no ground to stand upon unless by treading on each other's toes. The +philosopher, therefore, sees clearly the necessity of a war, and regrets +that sometimes nations do not wait for grounds of war so solid. + +In the circumstances supposed, though the four kings might be unable to +see their way clearly without the help of gunpowder to any decision upon +Joanna's intention, she--poor thing!--never could mistake her intentions +for a moment. All her love was for France; and, therefore, any glove +she might drop into the _quadrivium_ must be wickedly missent by the +post-office, if it found its way to any king but the king of France. + +On whatever side of the border chance had thrown Joanna, the same love to +France would have been nurtured. For it is a strange fact, noticed by M. +Michelet and others, that the Dukes of Bar and Lorraine had for generations +pursued the policy of eternal warfare with France on their own account, yet +also of eternal amity and league with France in case anybody else presumed +to attack her. Let peace settle upon France, and before long you might rely +upon seeing the little vixen Lorraine flying at the throat of France. Let +Franco be assailed by a formidable enemy, and instantly you saw a Duke of +Lorraine or Bar insisting on having his throat cut in support of France; +which favor accordingly was cheerfully granted to them in three great +successive battles by the English and by the Turkish sultan, viz., at +Crécy, at Nicopolis, and at Agincourt. + +This sympathy with France during great eclipses, in those that during +ordinary seasons were always teasing her with brawls and guerilla inroads, +strengthened the natural piety to France of those that were confessedly +the children of her own house. The outposts of France, as one may call the +great frontier provinces, were of all localities the most devoted to the +Flours de Lys. To witness, at any great crisis, the generous devotion to +these lilies of the little fiery cousin that in gentler weather was for +ever tilting at her breast, could not bin fan the zeal of the legitimate +daughter: whilst to occupy a post of honor on the frontiers against an old +hereditary enemy of France, would naturally have stimulated this zeal by a +sentiment of martial pride, had there even been no other stimulant to zeal +by a sense of danger always threatening, and of hatred always smouldering. +That great four-headed road was a perpetual memento to patriotic ardor. +To say, this way lies the road to Paris--and that other way to +Aix-la-Chapelle, this to Prague, that to Vienna--nourished the warfare of +the heart by daily ministrations of sense. The eye that watched for the +gleams of lance or helmet from the hostile frontier, the ear that listened +for the groaning of wheels, made the high road itself, with its relations +to centres so remote, into a manual of patriotic enmity. + +The situation, therefore, _locally_ of Joanna was full of profound +suggestions to a heart that listened for the stealthy steps of change and +fear that too surely were in motion. But if the place were grand, the +times, the burthen of the times, was far more so. The air overhead in its +upper chambers were _hurtling_ with the obscure sound; was dark with sullen +fermenting of storms that had been gathering for a hundred and thirty +years. The battle of Agincourt in Joanna's childhood had re-opened the +wounds of France. Crécy and Poictiers, those withering overthrows for the +chivalry of France, had been tranquillized by more than half a century; but +this resurrection of their trumpet wails made the whole series of battles +and endless skirmishes take their stations as parts in one drama. The +graves that had closed sixty years ago, seemed to fly open in sympathy +with a sorrow that echoed their own. The monarchy of France labored in +extremity, rocked and reeled like a ship fighting with the darkness of +monsoons. The madness of the poor king (Charles VI.) falling in at such a +crisis, like the case of women laboring in childbirth during the storming +of a city, trebled the awfulness of the time. Even the wild story of +the incident which had immediately occasioned the explosion of this +madness--the case of a man unknown, gloomy, and perhaps maniacal himself, +coming out of a forest at noon-day, laying his hand upon the bridle of +the king's horse, checking him for a moment to say, "Oh, King, thou art +betrayed," and then vanishing no man knew whither, as he had appeared for +no man knew what--fell in with the universal prostration of mind that laid +France on her knees as before the slow unweaving of some ancient prophetic +doom. The famines, the extraordinary diseases, the insurrections of the +peasantry up and down Europe, these were chords struck from the same +mysterious harp; but these were transitory chords. There had been others +of deeper and more sonorous sound. The termination of the Crusades, the +destruction of the Templars, the Papal interdicts, the tragedies caused or +suffered by the House of Anjou, by the Emperor--these were full of a more +permanent significance; but since then the colossal figure of feudalism was +seen standing as it were on tiptoe at Crécy for flight from earth: that was +a revolution unparalleled; yet _that_ was a trifle by comparison with the +more fearful revolutions that were mining below the Church. By her own +internal schisms, by the abominable spectacle of a double Pope--so that no +man, except through political bias, could even guess which was Heaven's +vicegerent, and which the creature of hell--she was already rehearsing, as +in still earlier forms she had rehearsed, the first rent in her foundations +(reserved for the coming century) which no man should ever heal. + +These were the loftiest peaks of the cloudland in the skies, that to the +scientific gazer first caught the colors of the _new_ morning in advance. +But the whole vast range alike of sweeping glooms overhead, dwelt upon all +meditative minds, even those that could not distinguish the altitudes nor +decipher the forms. It was, therefore, not her own age alone, as affected +by its immediate calamities, that lay with such weight upon Joanna's mind; +but her own age, as one section in a vast mysterious drama, unweaving +through a century back, and drawing nearer continually to crisis after +crisis. Cataracts and rapids were heard roaring ahead; and signs were seen +far back, by help of old men's memories, which answered secretly to signs +now coming forward on the eye, even as locks answer to keys. It was not +wonderful that in such a haunted solitude, with such a haunted heart, +Joanna should see angelic visions, and hear angelic voices. These voices +whispered to her the duty imposed upon herself, of delivering France. Five +years she listened to these monitory voices with internal struggles. At +length she could resist no longer. Doubt gave way; and she left her home in +order to present herself at the Dauphin's court. + +The education of this poor girl was mean according to the present standard: +was ineffably grand, according to a purer philosophic standard; and only +not good for our age, because for us it would be unattainable. She read +nothing, for she could not read; but she had heard others read parts of the +Roman martyrology. She wept in sympathy with the sad _Misereres_ of the +Romish chaunting; she rose to heaven with the glad triumphant _Gloria in +Excelcis_: she drew her comfort and her vital strength from the rites of +her church. But, next after these spiritual advantages, she owed most to +the advantages of her situation. The fountain of Domrémy was on the brink +of a boundless forest; and it was haunted to that degree by fairies that +the parish priest (_curé_) was obliged to read mass there once a year, in +order to keep them in any decent bounds. Fairies are important, even in a +statistical view; certain weeds mark poverty in the soil, fairies mark +its solitude. As surely as the wolf retires before cities, does the fairy +sequester herself from the haunts of licensed victuallers. A village is too +much for her nervous delicacy: at most, she can tolerate a distant view +of a hamlet. We may judge, therefore, by the uneasiness and extra trouble +which they gave to the parson, in what strength the fairies mustered at +Domrémy, and, by a satisfactory consequence, how thinly sown with men and +women must have been that region even in its inhabited spots. But the +forests of Domrémy--those were the glories of the land: for, in them abode +mysterious powers and ancient secrets that towered into tragic strength. +"Abbeys there were, and abbey windows, dim and dimly seen--as Moorish +temples of the Hindoos," that exercised even princely power both in +Lorraine and in the German Diets. These had their sweet bells that pierced +the forests for many a league at matins or vespers, and each its own dreamy +legend. Few enough, and scattered enough, were these abbeys, in no degree +to disturb the deep solitude of the region; many enough to spread a network +or awning of Christian sanctity over what else might have seemed a heathen +wilderness. This sort of religious talisman being secured, a man the most +afraid of ghosts (like myself, suppose, or the reader) becomes armed into +courage to wander for days in their sylvan recesses. The mountains of the +Vosges on the eastern frontier of France, have never attracted much notice +from Europe, except in 1813-14, for a few brief months, when they fell +within Napoleon's line of defence against the Allies. But they are +interesting for this, amongst other features--that they do not, like some +loftier ranges, repel woods: the forests and they are on sociable terms. +_Live and let live_ is their motto. For this reason, in part, these tracts +in Lorraine were a favorite hunting ground with the Carlovingian princes. +About six hundred years before Joanna's childhood, Charlemagne was known to +have hunted there. That, of itself, was a grand incident in the traditions +of a forest or a chase. In these vast forests, also, were to be found (if +the race was not extinct) those mysterious fawns that tempted solitary +hunters into visionary and perilous pursuits. Here was seen, at intervals, +that ancient stag who was already nine hundred years old, at the least, but +possibly a hundred or two more, when met by Charlemagne; and the thing +was put beyond doubt by the inscription upon his golden collar. I believe +Charlemagne knighted the stag; and, if ever he is met again by a king, he +ought to be made an earl--or, being upon the marches of France, a marquess. +Observe, I don't absolutely vouch for all these things: my own opinion +varies. On a fine breezy forenoon I am audaciously sceptical; but as +twilight sets in, my credulity becomes equal to anything that could be +desired. And I have heard candid sportsmen declare that, outside of these +very forests near the Vosges, they laughed loudly at all the dim tales +connected with their haunted solitudes; but, on reaching a spot notoriously +eighteen miles deep within them, they agreed with Sir Roger de Coverley +that a good deal might be said on both sides. + +Such traditions, or any others that (like the stag) connect distant +generations with each other, are, for that cause, sublime; and the sense of +the shadowy, connected with such appearances that reveal themselves or not +according to circumstances, leaves a coloring of sanctity over ancient +forests, even in those minds that utterly reject the legend as a fact. + +But, apart from all distinct stories of that order, in any solitary +frontier between two great empires, as here, for instance, or in the desert +between Syria and the Euphrates, there is an inevitable tendency, in minds +of any deep sensibility to people the solitudes with phantom images of +powers that were of old so vast. Joanna, therefore, in her quiet occupation +of a shepherdess, would be led continually to brood over the political +condition of her country, by the traditions of the past no less than by the +mementoes of the local present. + +M. Michelet, indeed, says that La Pucelle was _not_ a shepherdess. I beg +his pardon: she _was_. What he rests upon, I guess pretty well: it is +the evidence of a woman called Haumette, the most confidential friend of +Joanna. Now, she is a good witness, and a good girl, and I like her; for +she makes a natural and affectionate report of Joanna's ordinary life. But +still, however good she may be as a witness, Joanna is better; and +she, when speaking to the Dauphin, calls herself in the Latin report +_Bergereta_. Even Haumette confesses that Joanna tended sheep in her +girlhood. And I believe, that, if Miss Haumette were taking coffee alone +with me this very evening (February 12, 1847)--in which there would be +no subject for scandal or for maiden blushes, because I am an intense +philosopher, and Miss H. would be hard upon four hundred and fifty years +old--she would admit the following comment upon her evidence to be right. A +Frenchman, about thirty years ago, M. Simond, in his _Travels_, mentioned +incidentally the following hideous scene as one steadily observed and +watched by himself in France at a period some trifle before the French +Revolution:--A peasant was ploughing; and the team that drew his plough was +a donkey and a woman. Both were regularly harnessed: both pulled alike. +This is bad enough: but the Frenchman adds, that, in distributing his +lashes, the peasant was obviously desirous of being impartial: or, if +either of the yoke-fellows had a right to complain, certainly it was not +the donkey. Now, in any country, where such degradation of females could be +tolerated by the state of manners, a woman of delicacy would shrink from +acknowledging, either for herself or her friend, that she had ever been +addicted to any mode of labor not strictly domestic; because, if once +owning herself a prædial servant, she would be sensible that this +confession extended by probability in the hearer's thoughts to having +incurred indignities of this horrible kind. Haumette clearly thinks it more +dignified for Joanna to have been darning the stockings of her horny-hoofed +father, Monsieur D'Arc, than keeping sheep, lest she might then be +suspected of having ever done something worse. But, luckily, there was no +danger of _that_: Joanna never was in service; and my opinion is that her +father should have mended his own stockings, since probably he was the +party to make the holes in them, as many a better man than D'Arc does; +meaning by _that_ not myself, because, though certainly a better man than +D'Arc, I protest against doing anything of the kind. If I lived even with +Friday in Juan Fernandez, either Friday must do all the darning, or else it +must go undone. The better men that I meant were the sailors in the British +navy, every man of whom mends his own stockings. Who else is to do it? +Do you suppose, reader, that the junior lords of the admiralty are under +articles to darn for the navy? + +The reason, meantime, for my systematic hatred of D'Arc is this. There was +a story current in France before the Revolution, framed to ridicule the +pauper aristocracy, who happened to have long pedigrees and short rent +rolls, viz., that a head of such a house, dating from the Crusades, was +overheard saying to his son, a Chevalier of St. Louis, "_Chevalier, as-tu +donné au cochon à manger_!" Now, it is clearly made out by the surviving +evidence, that D'Arc would much have preferred continuing to say--"_Ma +fille as-tu donné au cochon à manger_?" to saying "_Pucelle d'Orléans, +as-tu sauvé les fleurs-de-lys_?" There is an old English copy of verses +which argues thus:-- + + "If the man, that turnips cries, + Cry not when his father dies-- + Then 'tis plain the man had rather + Have a turnip than his father." + +I cannot say that the logic of these verses was ever _entirely_ to my +satisfaction. I do not see my way through it as clearly as could be wished. +But I see my way most clearly through D'Arc; and the result is--that he +would greatly have preferred not merely a turnip to his father, but the +saving a pound or so of bacon to saving the Oriflamme of France. + +It is probable (as M. Michelet suggests) that the title of Virgin, or +_Pucelle_, had in itself, and apart from the miraculous stones about her, +a secret power over the rude soldiery and partisan chiefs of that period; +for, in such a person, they saw a representative manifestation of the +Virgin Mary, who, in a course of centuries, had grown steadily upon the +popular heart. + +As to Joanna's supernatural detection of the Dauphin (Charles VII.) amongst +three hundred lords and knights. I am surprised at the credulity which +could ever lend itself to that theatrical juggle. Who admires more than +myself the sublime enthusiasm, the rapturous faith in herself, of this pure +creature? But I admire not stage artifices, which not _La Pucelle_, but the +Court, must have arranged; nor can surrender myself a dupe to a conjuror's +_leger-de-main_, such as may be seen every day for a shilling. Southey's +"Joan of Arc" was published in 1796. Twenty years after, talking with +Southey, I was surprised to find him still owning a secret bias in favor of +Joan, founded on her detection of the Dauphin. The story, for the benefit +of the reader new to the case, was this:--_La Pucelle_ was first made known +to the Dauphin, and presented to his court, at Chinon: and here came her +first trial. She was to find out the royal personage amongst the whole ark +of clean and unclean creatures. Failing in this _coup d'essai_, she would +not simply disappoint many a beating heart in the glittering crowd that on +different motives yearned for her success, but she would ruin herself--and, +as the oracle within had told her, would ruin France. Our own sovereign +lady Victoria rehearses annually a trial not so severe in degree, but the +same in kind. She "pricks" for sheriffs. Joanna pricked for a king. But +observe the difference: our own lady pricks for two men out of three; +Joanna for one man out of three hundred. Happy Lady of the islands and the +orient!--she _can_ go astray in her choice only by one half; to the extent +of one half she _must_ have the satisfaction of being right. And yet, even +with these tight limits to the misery of a boundless discretion, permit me, +liege Lady, with all loyalty, to submit--that now and then you prick with +your pin the wrong man. But the poor child from Domrémy, shrinking under +the gaze of a dazzling court--not because dazzling (for in visions she had +seen those that were more so,) but because some of them wore a scoffing +smile on their features--how should _she_ throw her line into so deep a +river to angle for a king, where many a gay creature was sporting that +masqueraded as kings in dress? Nay, even more than any true king would have +done: for, in Southey's version of the story, the Dauphin says, by way of +trying the virgin's magnetic sympathy with royalty, + + ----"on the throne, + I the while mingling with the menial throng, + Some courtier shall he seated." + +This usurper is even crowned: "the jeweled crown shines on a menial's +head." But really, that is "_un peu fort_;" and the mob of spectators might +raise a scruple whether our friend the jackdaw upon the throne, and the +Dauphin himself, were not grazing the shins of treason. For the Dauphin +could not lend more than belonged to him. According to the popular notion, +he had no crown for himself, but, at most, a _petit ecu_, worth thirty +pence; consequently none to lend, on any pretence whatever, until the +consecrated Maid should take him to Rheims. This was the _popular_ notion +in France. The same notion as to the indispensableness of a coronation +prevails widely in England. But, certainly, it was the Dauphin's interest +to support the popular notion, as he meant to use the services of Joanna. +For, if he were king already, what was it that she could do for him beyond +Orleans? And above all, if he were king without a coronation, and without +the oil from the sacred ampulla, what advantage was yet open to him by +celerity above his competitor the English boy? Now was to be a race for a +coronation: he that should win _that_ race, carried the superstition of +France along with him. Trouble us not, lawyer, with your quillets. We are +illegal blockheads; so thoroughly without law, that we don't know even if +we have a right to be blockheads; and our mind is made up--that the first +man drawn from the oven of coronation at Rheims, is the man that is baked +into a king. All others are counterfeits, made of base Indian meal, damaged +by sea-water. + +La Pucelle, before she could be allowed to practise as a warrior, was put +through her manual and platoon exercise, as a juvenile pupil in divinity, +before six eminent men in wigs. According to Southey (v. 393, Book III., in +the original edition of his "Joan of Arc") she "appall'd the doctors." It's +not easy to do _that_: but they had some reason to feel bothered, as that +surgeon would assuredly feel bothered, who, upon proceeding to dissect a +subject, should find the subject retaliating as a dissector upon himself, +especially if Joanna ever made the speech to them which occupies v. +354-391, B. III. It is a double impossibility; 1st, because a piracy from +Tindal's _Christianity as Old as the Creation:_ now a piracy _à parte post_ +is common enough; but a piracy _à parte ante_, and by three centuries, +would (according to our old English phrase[5]) drive a coach-and-six +through any copyright act that man born of woman could frame. 2dly, it is +quite contrary to the evidence on Joanna's trial; for Southey's "Joan" of +A. Dom. 1796 (Cottle, Bristol), tells the doctors, amongst other secrets, +that she never in her life attended--1st, Mass; nor 2d, the Sacramental +table; nor 3d, Confession. Here's a precious windfall for the doctors; +they, by snaky tortuosities, had hoped, through the aid of a corkscrew, +(which every D. D. or S.T.P. is said to carry in his pocket,) for the +happiness of ultimately extracting from Joanna a few grains of heretical +powder or small shot, which might have justified their singeing her a +little. And just at such a crisis, expressly to justify their burning her +to a cinder, up gallops Joanna with a brigade of guns, unlimbers, and +serves them out with heretical grape and deistical round-shot enough to lay +a kingdom under interdict. Any miracles, to which Joanna might treat the +grim D. Ds. after _that_, would go to the wrong side of her little account +in the clerical books. Joanna would be created a _Dr_. herself, but not of +Divinity. For in the Joanna page of the ledger the entry would be--"Miss +Joanna, in acct. with the Church, _Dr._ by sundry diabolic miracles, she +having publicly preached heresy, shown herself a witch, and even tried hard +to corrupt the principles of six church pillars." In the mean time, all +this deistical confession of Joanna's, besides being suicidal for the +interest of her cause, is opposed to the depositions upon _both_ trials. +The very best witness called from first to last deposes that Joanna +attended these rites of her Church even too often; was taxed with doing so; +and, by blushing, owned the charge as a fact, though certainly not as a +fault. Joanna was a girl of natural piety, that saw God in forests, +and hills, and fountains; but did not the less seek him in chapels and +consecrated oratories. + +This peasant girl was self-educated through her own natural meditativeness. +If the reader turns to that divine passage in _Paradise Regained_, which +Milton has put into the mouth of our Saviour when first entering the +wilderness, and musing upon the tendency of those great impulses growing +within himself-- + + "Oh, what a multitude of thoughts arise!" &c. + +he will have some notion of the vast reveries which brooded over the heart +of Joanna in early girlhood, when the wings were budding that should carry +her from Orleans to Rheims; when the golden chariot was dimly revealing +itself that should carry her from the kingdom of _France Delivered_ to the +eternal kingdom. + +It is not requisite, for the honor of Joanna, nor is there, in this place, +room to pursue her brief career of _action_. That, though wonderful, forms +the earthly part of her story: the intellectual part is, the saintly +passion of her imprisonment, trial, and execution. It is unfortunate, +therefore, for Southey's "Joan of Arc," (which however should always be +regarded as a _juvenile_ effort,) that, precisely when her real glory +begins, the poem ends. But this limitation of the interest grew, no doubt, +from the constraint inseparably attached to the law of epic unity. Joanna's +history bisects into two opposite hemispheres, and both could not have been +presented to the eye in one poem, unless by sacrificing all unity of theme, +or else by involving the earlier half, as a narrative episode, in the +latter;--this might have been done--it might have been communicated to a +fellow-prisoner, or a confessor, by Joanna herself, in the same way that +Virgil has contrived to acquaint the reader, through the hero's mouth, with +earlier adventures that, if told by the poet speaking in his own person, +would have destroyed the unity of his fable. The romantic interest of the +early and _irrelate_ incidents (last night of Troy, &c.) is thrown as an +affluent into the general river of the personal narrative, whilst yet the +capital current of the _epos_, as unfolding ihe origin and _incunabula_ of +Rome, is not for a moment suffered to be modified by events so subordinate +and so obliquely introduced. It is sufficient, as concerns _this_ section +of Joanna's life to say--that she fulfilled, to the height of her promises, +the restoration of the prostrate throne. France had become a province of +England; and for the ruin of both, if such a yoke could be maintained. +Dreadful pecuniary exhaustion caused the English energy to droop; and +that critical opening _La Pucelle_ used with a corresponding felicity +of audacity and suddenness (that were in themselves portentous) for +introducing the wedge of French native resources, for rekindling the +national pride, and for planting the Dauphin once more upon his feet. When +Joanna appeared, he had been on the point of giving up the struggle with +the English, distressed as they were, and of flying to the south of France. +She taught him to blush for such abject counsels. She liberated Orleans, +that great city, so decisive by its fate for the issue of the war, and then +beleaguered by the English with an elaborate application of engineering +skill unprecedented in Europe. Entering the city after sunset, on the 29th +of April, she sang mass on Sunday, May 8, for the entire disappearance of +the besieging force. On the 29th of June, she fought and gained over the +English the decisive battle of Patay; on the 9th of July, she took Troyes +by a coup-de-main from a mixed garrison of English and Burgundians; on the +15th of that month, she carried the Dauphin into Rheims; on Sunday the +17th, she crowned him; and there she rested from her labor of triumph. What +remained was--to suffer. + +All this forward movement was her own: excepting one man, the whole council +was against her. Her enemies were all that drew power from earth. Her +supporters were her own strong enthusiasm, and the headlong contagion +by which she carried this sublime frenzy into the hearts of women, of +soldiers, and of all who lived by labor. Henceforwards she was thwarted; +and the worst error, that she committed, was to lend the sanction of her +presence to counsels which she disapproved. But she had accomplished the +capital objects which her own visions had dictated. These involved all the +rest. Errors were now less important; and doubtless it had now become more +difficult for herself to pronounce authentically what _were_ errors. The +noble girl had achieved, as by a rapture of motion, the capital end of +clearing out a free space around her sovereign, giving him the power to +move his arms with effect; and, secondly, the inappreciable end of winning +for that sovereign what seemed to all France the heavenly ratification of +his rights, by crowning him with the ancient solemnities. She had made it +impossible for the English now to step before her. They were caught in an +irretrievable blunder, owing partly to discord amongst the uncles of Henry +VI., partly to a want of funds, but partly to the very impossibility which +they believed to press with tenfold force upon any French attempt to +forestall theirs. They laughed at such a thought; and whilst they laughed, +she _did_ it. Henceforth the single redress for the English of this capital +oversight, but which never _could_ have redressed it effectually, was--to +vitiate and taint the coronation of Charles VII. as the work of a witch. +That policy, and not malice, (as M. Michelet is so happy to believe,) was +the moving principle in the subsequent prosecution of Joanna. Unless +they unhinged the force of the first coronation in the popular mind, by +associating it with power given from hell, they felt that the sceptre of +the invader was broken. + +But she, the child that, at nineteen, had wrought wonders so great for +France, was she not elated? Did she not lose, as men so often _have_ lost, +all sobriety of mind when standing upon the pinnaclè of successes so giddy? +Let her enemies declare. During the progress of her movement, and in +the centre of ferocious struggles, she had manifested the temper of her +feelings by the pity which she had every where expressed for the suffering +enemy. She forwarded to the English leaders a touching invitation to unite +with the French, as brothers, in a common crusade against infidels, thus +opening the road for a soldierly retreat. She interposed to protect +the captive or the wounded--she mourned over the excesses of her +countrymen--she threw herself off her horse to kneel by the dying English +soldier, and to comfort him with such ministrations, physical or spiritual, +as his situation allowed. "Nolebat," says the evidence, "uti onso suo, aut +quemquam interficere." She sheltered the English, that invoked her aid, in +her own quarters. She wept as she beheld, stretched on the field of battle, +so many brave enemies that had died without confession. And, as regarded +herself, her elation expressed itself thus:--on the day when she had +finished her work, she wept; for she knew that, when her task was done, her +end must be approaching. Her aspirations pointed only to a place, which +seemed to her more than usually full of natural piety, as one in which it +would give her pleasure to die. And she uttered, between smiles and tears, +as a wish that inexpressibly fascinated her heart, and yet was half +fantastic, a broken prayer that God would return her to the solitudes from +which he had drawn her, and suffer her to become a shepherdess once more. +It was a natural prayer, because nature has laid a necessity upon every +human heart to seek for rest, and to shrink from torment. Yet, again, it +was a half-fantastic prayer, because, from childhood upwards, visions that +she had no power to mistrust, and the voices which sounded in her ear for +ever, had long since persuaded her mind, that for _her_ no such prayer +could be granted. Too well she felt that her mission must be worked out to +the end, and that the end was now at hand. All went wrong from this time. +She herself had created the _funds_ out of which the French restoration +should grow; but she was not suffered to witness their development, or +their prosperous application. More than one military plan was entered upon +which she did not approve. But she still continued to expose her person +as before. Severe wounds had not taught her caution. And at length, in a +sortie from Compeigne, whether through treacherous collusion on the part +of her own friends is doubtful to this day, she was made prisoner by the +Burgundians, and finally surrendered to the English. + +Now came her trial. This trial, moving of course under English influence, +was conducted in chief by the Bishop of Beauvais. He was a Frenchman, sold +to English interests, and hoping, by favor of the English leaders, to +reach the highest preferment. _Bishop that art, Archbishop that shalt be, +Cardinal that mayest be_, were the words that sounded continually in his +ear; and doubtless, a whisper of visions still higher, of a triple crown, +and feet upon the necks of kings, sometimes stole into his heart. M. +Michelet is anxious to keep us in mind that this Bishop was but an agent +of the English. True. But it does not better the case for his countryman; +that, being an accomplice in the crime, making himself the leader in the +persecution against the helpless girl, he was willing to be all this in +the spirit, and with the conscious vileness of a catspaw. Never from the +foundations of the earth was there such a trial as this, if it were laid +open in all its beauty of defence, and all its hellishness of attack. Oh, +child of France! shepherdess, peasant girl! trodden under foot by all +around thee, how I honor thy flashing intellect, quick as God's lightning, +and true as that lightning to its mark, that ran before France and laggard +Europe by many a century, confounding the malice of the ensnarer, and +making dumb the oracles of falsehood! Is it not scandalous, is it not +humiliating to civilization, that, even at this day, France exhibits the +horrid spectacle of judges examining the prisoner against himself; seducing +him, by fraud, into treacherous conclusions against his own head; using the +terrors of their power for extorting confessions from the frailty of hope; +nay, (which is worse,) using the blandishments of condescension and snaky +kindness for thawing into compliances of gratitude those whom they had +failed to freeze into terror? Wicked judges! Barbarian jurisprudence! that, +sitting in your own conceit on the summits of social wisdom, have yet +failed to learn the first principles of criminal justice; sit ye humbly and +with docility at the feet of this girl from Domrémy, that tore your webs of +cruelty into shreds and dust, "Would you examine me as a witness against +myself?" was the question by which many times she defied their arts. +Continually she showed that their interrogations were irrelevant to any +business before the court, or that entered into the ridiculous charges +against her. General questions were proposed to her on points of +casuistical divinity; two-edged questions which not one of themselves could +have answered without, on the one side, landing himself in heresy (as +then interpreted), or, on the other, in some presumptuous expression of +self-esteem. Next came a wretched Dominican that pressed her with an +objection, which, if applied to the Bible, would tax every one of its +miracles with unsoundness. The monk had the excuse of never having read the +Bible. M. Michelet has no such excuse; and it makes one blush for him, as a +philosopher, to find him describing such an argument as "weighty," whereas +it is but a varied expression of rude Mahometan metaphysics. Her answer +to this, if there were room to place the whole in a clear light, was as +shattering as it was rapid. Another thought to entrap her by asking what +language the angelic visitors of her solitude had talked: as though +heavenly counsels could want polyglott interpreters for every word, or that +God needed language at all in whispering thoughts to a human heart. Then +came a worse devil, who asked her whether the archangel Michael had +appeared naked. Not comprehending the vile insinuation, Joanna, whose +poverty suggested to her simplicity that it might be the _costliness_ or +suitable robes which caused the demur, asked them if they fancied God, +who clothed the flowers of the valleys, unable to find raiment for his +servants. The answer of Joanna moves a smile of tenderness, but the +disappointment of her judges makes one laugh horribly. Others succeeded +by troops, who upbraided her with leaving her father; as if that greater +Father, whom she believed herself to have been serving, did not retain the +power of dispensing with his own rules, or had not said, that, for a less +cause than martyrdom, man and woman should leave both father and mother. + +On Easter Sunday, when the trial had been long proceeding, the poor girl +fell so ill as to cause a belief that she had been poisoned. It was not +poison. Nobody had any interest in hastening a death so certain. M. +Michelet, whose sympathies with all feelings are so quick that one would +gladly see them always as justly directed, reads the case most truly. +Joanna had a two-fold malady. She was visited by a paroxysm of the +complaint called _home-sickness_; the cruel nature of her imprisonment, and +its length, could not but point her solitary thoughts, in darkness, and in +chains, (for chained she was,) to Domrémy. And the season, which was the +most heavenly period of the spring, added stings to this yearning. That +was one of her maladies--_nostalgia_, as medicine calls it; the other was +weariness and exhaustion from daily combats with malice. She saw that +everybody hated her, and thirsted for her blood; nay, many kind-hearted +creatures that would have pitied her profoundly as regarded all political +charges, had their natural feelings warped by the belief that she had +dealings with fiendish powers. She knew she was to die; that was _not_ the +misery; the misery was that this consummation could not be reached without +so much intermediate strife, as if she were contending for some chance +(where chance was none) of happiness, or were dreaming for a moment of +escaping the inevitable. Why, then, _did_ she contend? Knowing that she +would reap nothing from answering her persecutors, why did she not retire +by silence from the superfluous contest? It was because her quick and eager +loyalty to truth would not suffer her to see it darkened by frauds, which +_she_ could expose, but others, even of candid listeners, perhaps, could +not; it was through that imperishable grandeur of soul, which taught her +to submit meekly and without a struggle to her punishment, but taught +her _not_ to submit--no, not for a moment--to calumny as to facts, or to +misconstruction as to motives. Besides, there were secretaries all around +the court taking down her words. That was meant for no good to _her_. But +the end does not always correspond to the meaning. And Joanna might say to +herself--these words that will be used against me to-morrow and the next +day, perhaps in some nobler generation may rise again for my justification. +Yes, Joanna, they _are_ rising even now in Paris, and for more than +justification. + +Woman, sister--there are some things which you do not execute as well as +your brother, man; no, nor ever will. Pardon me if I doubt whether you will +ever produce a great poet from your choirs, or a Mozart, or a Phidias, or a +Michael Angelo, or a great philosopher, or a great scholar. By which last +is meant--not one who depends simply on an infinite memory, but also on an +infinite and electrical power of combination; bringing together from the +four winds, like the angel of the resurrection, what else were dust from +dead men's bones, into the unity of breathing life. If you _can_ create +yourselves into any of these great creators, why have you not? Do not ask +me to say otherwise; because if you do, you will lead me into temptation. +For I swore early in life never to utter a falsehood, and, above all, a +sycophantic falsehood; and, in the false homage of the modern press towards +women, there is horrible sycophancy. It is as hollow, most of it, and it is +as fleeting as is the love that lurks in _uxoriousness_. Yet, if a woman +asks me to tell a faleshood, I have long made up my mind--that on moral +considerations I _will_, and _ought_ to do so, whether it be for any +purpose of glory to _her_, or of screening her foibles (for she _does_ +commit a few), or of humbly, as a vassal, paying a peppercorn rent to her +august privilege of caprice. Barring these cases, I must adhere to my +resolution of telling no fibs. And I repeat, therefore, but not to be rude, +I repeat in Latin-- + + Excudent alii meliús spirantia signa, + Credo equidem vivos ducent de marmore vultus: + Altius ascendent: at tu caput, Eva, memento + Sandalo ut infringas referenti oracula tanta.[6] + +Yet, sister woman--though I cannot consent to find a Mozart or a Michael +Angelo in your sex, until that day when you claim my promise as to +falsehood--cheerfully, and with the love that burns in depths of +admiration, I acknowledge that you can do one thing as well as the best of +us men--a greater thing than even Mozart is known to have done, or Michael +Angelo--you can die grandly, and as goddesses would die were goddesses +mortal. If any distant world (which _may_ be the case) are so far ahead +of us Tellurians in optical resources as to see distinctly through their +telescopes all that we do on earth, what is the grandest sight to which we +ever treat them? St. Peter's at Rome, do you fancy, on Easter Sunday, or +Luxor, or perhaps the Himalayas? Pooh! pooh! my friend: suggest something +better; these are baubles to _them_; they see in other worlds, in their +own, far better toys of the same kind. These, take my word for it, are +nothing. Do you give it up? The finest thing, then, we have to show them +is a scaffold on the morning of execution. I assure you there is a strong +muster in those fair telescopic worlds, on any such morning, of those who +happen to find themselves occupying the right hemisphere for a peep +at _us_. Telescopes look up in the market on that morning, and bear a +monstrous premium; for they cheat, probably, in those scientific worlds as +well as we do. How, then, if it be announced in some such telescopic world +by those who make a livelihood of catching glimpses at our newspapers, +whose language they have long since deciphered, that the poor victim in the +morning's sacrifice is a woman? How, if it be published on that distant +world that the sufferer wears upon her head, in the eyes of many, the +garlands of martyrdom? How, if it should be some Marie Antoinette, the +widowed queen, coming forward on the scaffold, and presenting to the +morning air her head, turned gray prematurely by sorrow, daughter of Cæsars +kneeling down humbly to kiss the guillotine, as one that worships death? +How, if it were the "martyred wife of Roland," uttering impassioned +truth--truth odious to the rulers of her country--with her expiring breath? +How, if it were the noble Charlotte Corday, that in the bloom of youth, +that with the loveliest of persons, that with homage waiting upon her +smiles wherever she turned her face to scatter them--homage that followed +those smiles as surely as the carols of birds, after showers in spring, +follow the re-appearing sun and the racing of sunbeams over the hills--yet +thought all these things cheaper than the dust upon her sandals in +comparison of deliverance from hell for her dear suffering France? Ah! +these were spectacles indeed for those sympathizing people in distant +worlds; and some, perhaps, would suffer a sort of martyrdom themselves, +because they could not testify their wrath, could not bear witness to the +strength of love, and to the fury of hatred, that burned within them at +such scenes; could not gather into golden urns some of that glorious dust +which rested in the catacombs of earth. + +On the Wednesday after Trinity Sunday in 1431, being then about nineteen +years of age, the Maid of Arc underwent her martyrdom. She was conducted +before mid-day, guarded by eight hundred spearmen, to a platform of +prodigious height, constructed of wooden billets supported by occasional +walls of lath and plaster, and traversed by hollow spaces in every +direction for the creation of air-currents. The pile "struck terror," says +M. Michelet, "by its height;" and, as usual, the English purpose in this is +viewed as one of pure malignity. But there are two ways of explaining all +that. It is probable that the purpose was merciful. On the circumstances of +the execution I shall not linger. Yet, to mark the almost fatal felicity +of M. Michelet in finding out whatever may injure the English name, at +a moment when every reader will be interested in Joanna's personal +appearance, it is really edifying to notice the ingenuity by which he draws +into light from a dark corner a very unjust account of it, and neglects, +though lying upon the high road, a very pleasing one. Both are from English +pens. Grafton, a chronicler but little read, being a stiff-necked John +Bull, thought fit to say, that no wonder Joanna should be a virgin, since +her "foule face" was a satisfactory solution of that particular merit. +Holinshead, on the other hand, a chronicler somewhat later, every way more +important, and universally read, has given a very pleasing testimony to the +interesting character of Joanna's person and engaging manners. Neither +of these men lived till the following century, so that personally this +evidence is none at all. Grafton sullenly and carelessly believed as +he wished to believe; Holinshead took pains to inquire, and reports +undoubtedly the general impression of France. But I cite the case as +illustrating M. Michelet's candor.[7] + +The circumstantial incidents of the execution, unless with more space +than I can now command, I should be unwilling to relate. I should fear +to injure, by imperfect report, a martyrdom which to myself appears so +unspeakably grand. Yet for a purpose pointing, not at Joanna but at M. +Michelet,--viz., to convince him that an Englishman is capable of thinking +more highly of _La Pucelle_ than even her admiring countryman, I shall, in +parting, allude to one or two traits in Joanna's demeanor on the scaffold, +and to one or two in that of the bystanders, which authorize me in +questioning an opinion of his upon this martyr's firmness. The reader ought +to be reminded that Joanna d'Arc was subjected to an unusually unfair trial +of opinion. Any of the elder Christian martyrs had not much to fear of +_personal_ rancor. The martyr was chiefly regarded as the enemy of Cæsar; +at times, also, where any knowledge of the Christian faith and morals +existed, with the enmity that arises spontaneously in the worldly against +the spiritual. But the martyr, though disloyal, was not supposed to be, +therefore, anti-national; and still less was _individually_ hateful. What +was hated (if anything) belonged to his class, not to himself separately. +Now Joanna, if hated at all, was hated personally, and in Rouen on national +grounds. Hence there would be a certainty of calumny arising against _her_, +such as would not affect martyrs in general. That being the case, it would +follow of necessity that some people would impute to her a willingness to +recant. No innocence could escape _that_. Now, had she really testified +this willingness on the scaffold, it would have argued nothing at all but +the weakness of a genial nature shrinking from the instant approach of +torment. And those will often pity that weakness most, who, in their own +persons, would yield to it least. Meantime, there never was a calumny +uttered that drew less support from the recorded circumstances. It rests +upon no _positive_ testimony, and it has a weight of contradicting +testimony to stem. And yet, strange to say, M. Michelet, who at times seems +to admire the Maid of Arc as much as I do, is the one sole writer amongst +her _friends_ who lends some countenance to this odious slander. His words +are, that, if she did not utter this word _recant_ with her lips, she +uttered it in her heart. "Whether, she _said_ the word is uncertain: but I +affirm that she _thought_ it." + +Now, I affirm that she did not; not in any sense of the word "_thought_" +applicable to the case. Here is France calumniating _La Pucelle_: here +is England defending her. M. Michelet can only mean, that, on _a priori_ +principles, every woman must be presumed liable to such a weakness; that +Joanna was a woman; _ergo_, that she was liable to such a weakness. That +is, he only supposes her to have uttered the word by an argument which +presumes it impossible for anybody to have done otherwise. I, on the +contrary, throw the _onus_ of the argument not on presumable tendencies of +nature, but on the known facts of that morning's execution, as recorded +by multitudes. What else, I demand, than mere weight of metal, absolute +nobility of deportment, broke the vast line of battle then arrayed against +her? What else but her meek, saintly demeanor, won from the enemies, that +till now had believed her a witch, tears of rapturous admiration? "Ten +thousand men," says M. Michelet himself, "ten thousand men wept;" and of +these ten thousand the majority were political enemies knitted together by +cords of superstition. What else was it but her constancy, united with her +angelic gentleness, that drove the fanatic English soldier--who had sworn +to throw a faggot on her scaffold, as _his_ tribute of abhorrence, that +_did_ so, that fulfilled his vow--suddenly to turn away a penitent for +life, saying everywhere that he had seen a dove rising upon wings to heaven +from the ashes where she had stood? What else drove the executioner to +kneel at every shrine for pardon to _his_ share in the tragedy? And, if all +this were insufficient, then I cite the closing act of her life as valid +on her behalf, were all other testimonies against her. The executioner had +been directed to apply his torch from below. He did so. The fiery smoke +rose upwards in billowing volumes. A Dominican monk was then standing +almost at her side. Wrapt up in his sublime office, he saw not the danger, +but still persisted in his prayers. Even then, when the last enemy was +racing up the fiery stairs to seize her, even at that moment did this +noblest of girls think only for _him_, the one friend that would not +forsake her, and not for herself; bidding him with her last breath to care +for his own preservation, but to leave _her_ to God. That girl, whose +latest breath ascended in this sublime expression of self-oblivion, did not +utter the word _recant_ either with her lips or in her heart. No; she did +not, though one should rise from the dead to swear it. + + * * * * * + +Bishop of Beauvais! thy victim died in fire upon a scaffold--thou upon a +down bed. But for the departing minutes of life, both are oftentimes alike. +At the farewell crisis, when the gates of death are opening, and flesh is +resting from its struggles, oftentimes the tortured and the torturer have +the same truce from carnal torment; both sink together into sleep; together +both, sometimes, kindle into dreams. When the mortal mists were gathering +fast upon you two, Bishop and Shepherd girl--when the pavilions of life +were closing up their shadowy curtains about you--let us try, through the +gigantic glooms, to decipher the flying features of your separate visions. + +The shepherd girl that had delivered France--she, from her dungeon, she, +from her baiting at the stake, she, from her duel with fire, as she entered +her last dream--saw Domrémy, saw the fountain of Domrémy, saw the pomp of +forests in which her childhood had wandered. That Easter festival, which +man had denied to her languishing heart--that resurrection of spring-time, +which the darkness of dungeons had intercepted from _her_, hungering after +the glorious liberty of forests--were by God given back into her hands, as +jewels that had been stolen from her by robbers. With those, perhaps, (for +the minutes of dreams can stretch into ages,) was given back to her by God +the bliss of childhood. By special privilege, for _her_ might be created, +in this farewell dream, a second childhood, innocent as the first; but not, +like _that_, sad with the gloom of a fearful mission in the rear. This +mission had now been fulfilled. The storm was weathered, the skirts even of +that mighty storm were drawing off. The blood, that she was to reckon for, +had been exacted; the tears, that she was to shed in secret, had been paid +to the last. The hatred to herself in all eyes had been faced steadily, had +been suffered, had been survived. And in her last fight upon the scaffold +she had triumphed gloriously; victoriously she had tasted the stings of +death. For all, except this comfort from her farewell dream, she had +died--died, amidst the tears of ten thousand enemies--died, amidst the +drums and trumpets of armies--died, amidst peals redoubling upon peals, +volleys upon volleys, from the saluting clarions of martyrs. + +Bishop of Beauvais! because the guilt-burthened man is in dreams haunted +and waylaid by the most frightful of his crimes, and because upon that +fluctuating mirror--rising (like the mocking mirrors of _mirage_ in Arabian +deserts) from the fens of death--most of all are reflected the sweet +countenances which the man has laid in ruins; therefore I know, Bishop, +that you, also, entering your final dream, saw Domrémy. That fountain, +of which the witnesses spoke so much, showed itself to your eyes in pure +morning dews; but neither dews, nor the holy dawn, could cleanse away the +bright spots of innocent blood upon its surface. By the fountain, Bishop, +you saw a woman seated, that hid her face. But as _you_ draw near, the +woman raises her wasted features. Would Domrémy know them again for the +features of her child? Ah, but _you_ know them, Bishop, well! Oh, mercy! +what a groan was _that_ which the servants, waiting outside the Bishop's +dream at his bedside, heard from his laboring heart, as at this moment he +turned away from the fountain and the woman, seeking rest in the forests +afar off. Yet not so to escape the woman, whom once again he must behold +before he dies. In the forests to which he prays for pity, will he find a +respite? What a tumult, what a gathering of feet is there! In glades, where +only wild deer should run, armies and nations are assembling; towering in +the fluctuating crowd are phantoms that belong to departed hours. There is +the great English Prince, Regent of France. There is my Lord of Winchester, +the princely Cardinal, that died and made no sign. There is the Bishop of +Beauvais, clinging to the shelter of thickets. What building is that which +hands so rapid are raising? Is it a martyr's scaffold? Will they burn the +child of Domrémy a second time? No: it is a tribunal that rises to the +clouds; and two nations stand around it, waiting for a trial. Shall my Lord +of Beauvais sit again upon the judgment-seat, and again number the hours +for the innocent? Ah! no: he is the prisoner at the bar. Already all is +waiting; the mighty audience is gathered, the Court is hurrying to their +seats, the witnesses are arrayed, the trumpets are sounding, the judge +is going to take his place. Oh! but this is sudden. My lord, have you +no counsel? "Counsel I have none: in heaven above, or on earth beneath, +counsellor there is none now that would take a brief from _me_: all are +silent." Is it, indeed, come to this? Alas! the time is short, the tumult +is wondrous, the crowd stretches away into infinity, but yet I will search +in it for somebody to take your brief: I know of somebody that will be your +counsel. Who is this that cometh from Domrémy? Who is she that cometh in +bloody coronation robes from Rheims? Who is she that cometh with blackened +flesh from walking the furnaces of Rouen? This is she, the shepherd girl, +counsellor that had none for herself, whom I choose, Bishop, for yours. She +it is, I engage, that shall take my lord's brief. She it is, Bishop, that +would plead for you: yes, Bishop, SHE--when heaven and earth are silent. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +_Arc_:--Modern France, that should know a great deal better than myself, +insists that the name is not d'Arc, _i.e._ of Arc, but _Darc_. Now it +happens sometimes, that if a person, whose position guarantees his access +to the best information, will content himself with gloomy dogmatism, +striking the table with his fist, and saying in a terrific voice--"It is +so; and there's an end of it,"--one bows deferentially; and submits. But +if, unhappily for himself, won by this docility, he relents too amiably +into reasons and arguments, probably one raises an insurrection against him +that may never be crushed; for in the fields of logic one can skirmish, +perhaps, as well as he. Had he confined himself to dogmatism; he would have +entrenched his position in darkness, and have hidden his own vulnerable +points. But coming down to base reasons, he lets in light, and one sees +where to plant the blows. Now, the worshipful reason of modern France for +disturbing the old received spelling, is--that Jean Hordal, a descendant of +_La Pucelle's_ brother, spelled the name _Darc_, in 1612. But what of that? +Beside the chances that M. Hordal might be a gigantic blockhead, it is +notorious that what small matter of spelling Providence had thought fit to +disburse amongst man in the seventeenth century, was all monopolized by +printers: in France, much more so.] + +[NOTE 2. + +_Those that share thy blood_:--a collateral relative of Joanna's was +subsequently ennobled by the title of _du Lys_.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Jean_."--M. Michelet asserts that there was a mystical meaning at that +era in calling a child _Jean_; it implied a secret commendation of a child, +if not a dedication, to St. John the Evangelist, the beloved disciple, the +apostle of love and mysterious visions. But, really, as the name was so +exceedingly common, few people will detect a mystery in calling a _boy_ by +the name of Jack, though it _does_ seem mysterious to call a girl Jack. It +may be less so in France, where a beautiful practice has always prevailed +of giving to a boy his mother's name--preceded and strengthened by a male +name, as _Charles Anne_, _Victor Victoire_. In cases where a mother's +memory has been unusually dear to a son, this vocal memento of her, +locked into the circle of his own name, gives to it the tenderness of a +testamentary relique, or a funeral ring. I presume, therefore, that _La +Pacelle_ must have borne the baptismal names of Jeanne Jean; the latter +with no reference to so sublime a person as St. John, but simply to some +relative.] + +[NOTE 4. + +And reminding one of that inscription, so justly admired by Paul Richtor, +which a Russian Czarina placed on a guide-post near Moscow--_This is the +road that leads to Constantinople_.] + +[NOTE 5. + +Yes, old--very old phrase: not as ignoramuses fancy, a phrase recently +minted by a Repealer in Ireland.] + +[NOTE 6. + +Our sisters are always rather uneasy when we say anything of them in Latin +or Greek. It is like giving sealed orders to a sea captain, which he is not +to open for his life till he comes into a certain latitude, which latitude, +perhaps, he never _will_ come into, and thus may miss the secret till he is +going to the bottom. Generally I acknowledge that it is not polite before +our female friends to cite a single word of Latin without instantly +translating it. But in this particular case, where I am only iterating a +disagreeable truth, they will please to recollect that the politeness lies +in _not_ translating. However, if they insist absolutely on knowing this +very night, before going to bed, what it is that those ill-looking lines +contain, I refer them to Dryden's Virgil, somewhere in the 6th Book of the +Æneid, except as to the closing line and a half, which contain a private +suggestion of my own to discontented nymphs anxious to see the equilibrium +of advantages re-established between the two sexes.] + +[NOTE 7. + +Amongst the many ebullitions of M. Michelet's fury against us poor English, +are four which will be likely to amuse the reader; and they are the more +conspicuous in collision with the justice which he sometimes does us, and +the very indignant admiration which, under some aspects, he grants to us. + +1. Our English literature he admires with some gnashing of teeth. He +pronounces it "fine and sombre," but, I lament to add, "sceptical, Judaic, +Satanic--in a word, Anti-Christian." That Lord Byron should figure as a +member of this diabolical corporation, will not surprise men. It _will_ +surprise them to hear that Milton is one of its Satanic leaders. Many are +the generous and eloquent Frenchmen, beside Chateaubriand, who have, in +the course of the last thirty years, nobly suspended their own burning +nationality, in order to render a more rapturous homage at the feet of +Milton; and some of them have raised Milton almost to a level with angelic +natures. Not one of them has thought of looking for him _below_ the earth. +As to Shakspeare, M. Michelet detects in him a most extraordinary mare's +nest. It is this: he does "not recollect to have seen the name of God" in +any part of his works. On reading such words, it is natural to rub one's +eyes, and suspect that all one has ever seen in this world may have been +a pure ocular delusion. In particular, I begin myself to suspect that the +word "_la gloire_" never occurs in any Parisian journal. "The great English +nation," says M. Michelet, "has one immense profound vice," to wit, +"pride." Why, really, that may be true; but we have a neighbor not +absolutely clear of an "immense profound vice," as like ours in color and +shape as cherry to cherry. In short, M. Michelet thinks us, by fits and +starts, admirable, only that we are detestable; and he would adore some of +our authors, were it not that so intensely he could have wished to kick +them. + +2. M. Michelet thinks to lodge an arrow in our sides by a very odd remark +upon Thomas à Kempis: which is, that a man of any conceivable European +blood--a Finlander, suppose, or a Zantiote--might have written Tom; only +not an Englishman. Whether an Englishman could have forged Tom, must remain +a matter of doubt, unless the thing had been tried long ago. That problem +was intercepted for ever by Tom's perverseness in choosing to manufacture +himself. Yet, since nobody is better aware than M. Michelet, that this very +point of Kempis _having_ manufactured Kempis is furiously and hopelessly +litigated, three or four nations claiming to have forged his work for him, +the shocking old doubt will raise its snaky head once more--whether this +forger, who rests in so much darkness, might not, after all, be of English +blood. Tom, it may be feared, is known to modern English literature chiefly +by an irreverent mention of his name in a line of Peter Pindar's (Dr. +Wolcot) fifty years back, where he is described as + + "Kempis Tom, + Who clearly shows the way to Kingdom Come." + +Few in these days can have read him, unless in the Methodist version of +John Wesley. Amongst those few, however, happens to be myself; which arose +from the accident of having, when a boy of eleven, received a copy of the +_De Imitatione Christi_, as a bequest from a relation, who died very young; +from which cause, and from the external prettiness of the book, being a +Glasgow reprint, by the celebrated Foulis, and gaily bound, I was induced +to look into it; and finally read it many times over, partly out of +some sympathy which, even in those days, I had with its simplicity and +devotional fervor; but much more from the savage delight I found in +laughing at Tom's Latinity. _That_, I freely grant to M. Michelet, is +inimitable; else, as regards substance, it strikes me that I could forge a +better _De Imitatione_ myself. But there is no knowing till one tries. Yet, +after all, it is not certain whether the original _was_ Latin. But, however +_that_ may have been, if it is possible that M. Michelet[A] can be accurate +in saying that there are no less than _sixty_ French versions (not +editions, observe, but separate versions) existing of the _De Imitatione_, +how prodigious must have been the adaptation of the book to the religious +heart of the fifteenth century! Excepting the Bible, but excepting +that only in Protestant lands, no book known to man has had the same +distinction. It is the most marvellous bibliographical fact on record. + +[Footnote A: "If M. Michelet can be accurate." However, on consideration, +this statement does not depend on Michelet. The bibliographer, Barbier, +has absolutely _specified_ sixty in a separate dissertation, _soixante +traductions_, amongst those even that have not escaped the search. The +Italian translations are said to be thirty. As to mere _editions_, not +counting the early MSS. for half a century before printing was introduced, +those in Latin amount to two thousand, and those in French to one thousand. +Meantime, it is very clear to me that this astonishing popularity, so +entirely unparalleled in literature, could not have existed except in Roman +Catholic times, nor subsequently have lingered in any Protestant land. It +was the denial of Scripture fountains to thirsty lands which made this +slender rill of Scripture truth so passionately welcome.] + +3. Our English girls, it seems, are as faulty in one way as we English +males in another. None of us lads could have written the _Opera Omnia_ of +Mr. à Kempis; neither could any of our lasses have assumed male attire like +_La Pucelle_. But why? Because, says Michelet, English girls and German +think so much of an indecorum. Well, that is a good fault, generally +speaking. But M. Michelet ought to have remembered a fact in the +martyrologies which justifies both parties,--the French heroine for doing, +and the general choir of English girls for _not_ doing. A female saint, +specially renowned in France, had, for a reason as weighty as Joanna's, +viz., expressly to shield her modesty amongst men, wore a male military +harness. That reason and that example authorized _La Pucelle_; but our +English girls, as a body, have seldom any such reason, and certainly no +such saintly example, to plead. This excuses _them_. Yet, still, if it is +indispensable to the national character that our young women should now and +then trespass over the frontier of decorum, it then becomes a patriotic +duty in me to assure M. Michelet that we have such ardent females amongst +us, and in a long series--some detected in naval hospitals, when too sick +to remember their disguise; some on fields of battle; multitudes never +detected at all; some only suspected; and others discharged without noise +by war offices and other absurd people. In our navy, both royal and +commercial, and generally from deep remembrances of slighted love, women +have sometimes served in disguise for many years, taking contentedly their +daily allowance of burgoo, biscuit, or cannon balls--anything, in short, +digestible or indigestible, that it might please Providence to send. One +thing, at least, is to their credit: never any of these poor masks, with +their deep silent remembrances, have been detected through murmuring, or +what is nautically understood by "skulking." So, for once, M. Michelet has +an _erratum_ to enter upon the fly-leaf of his book in presentation copies. + +4. But the last of these ebullitions is the most lively. We English, at +Orleans, and after Orleans (which is not quite so extraordinary, if all +were told,) fled before the Maid of Arc. Yes, says M. Michelet, you _did_: +deny it, if you can. Deny it, my dear? I don't mean to deny it. Running +away, in many cases, is a thing so excellent, that no philosopher would, +at times, condescend to adopt any other step. All of us nations in Europe, +without one exception, have shown our philosophy in that way at times. Even +people, "_qui ne se rendent pas_," have deigned both to run and to shout, +"_Sauve qui pent_" at odd times of sunset; though, for my part, I have +no pleasure in recalling unpleasant remembrances to brave men; and yet, +really, being so philosophic, they ought _not_ to be unpleasant. But +the amusing feature in M. Michelet's reproach, is the way in which he +_improves_ and varies against us the charge of running, as if he were +singing a catch. Listen to him. They "_showed their backs_," did these +English. (Hip, hip, hurrah! three times three!) "_Behind good walls, they +let themselves be taken,_" (Hip, hip! nine times nine!) They "_ran as +fast as their legs could carry them._" (Hurrah! twenty-seven times +twenty-seven!) They "_ran before a girl_;" they did. (Hurrah! eighty-one +times eighty-one!) This reminds one of criminal indictments on the old +model in English courts, where (for fear the prisoner should escape) the +crown lawyer varied the charge perhaps through forty counts. The law laid +its guns so as to rake the accused at every possible angle. Whilst the +indictment was reading, he seemed a monster of crime in his own eyes; and +yet, after all, the poor fellow had but committed one offence, and not +always _that_. N.B.--Not having the French original at hand, I make my +quotations from a friend's copy of Mr. Walter Kelly's translation, which +seems to me faithful, spirited, and idiomatically English--liable, in fact, +only to the single reproach of occasional provincialisms. + + + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH; + +OR, + +THE GLORY OF MOTION. + + +Some twenty or more years before I matriculated at Oxford, Mr. Palmer, +M.P. for Bath, had accomplished two things, very hard to do on our little +planet, the Earth, however cheap they may happen to be held by the +eccentric people in comets: he had invented mail-coaches, and he had +married the daughter[1] of a duke. He was, therefore, just twice as great a +man as Galileo, who certainly invented (or _discovered_) the satellites of +Jupiter, those very next things extant to mail-coaches in the two capital +points of speed and keeping time, but who did _not_ marry the daughter of a +duke. + +These mail-coaches, as organized by Mr. Palmer, are entitled to a +circumstantial notice from myself--having had so large a share in +developing the anarchies of my subsequent dreams, an agency which they +accomplished, first, through velocity, at that time unprecedented; they +first revealed the glory of motion: suggesting, at the same time, an +under-sense, not unpleasurable, of possible though indefinite danger; +secondly, through grand effects for the eye between lamp-light and the +darkness upon solitary roads; thirdly, through animal beauty and power so +often displayed in the class of horses selected for this mail service; +fourthly, through the conscious presence of a central intellect, that, in +the midst of vast distances,[2] of storms, of darkness, of night, overruled +all obstacles into one steady coöperation in a national result. To my own +feeling, this post-office service recalled some mighty orchestra, where a +thousand instruments, all disregarding each other, and so far in danger of +discord, yet all obedient as slaves to the supreme _baton_ of some great +leader, terminate in a perfection of harmony like that of heart, veins, and +arteries, in a healthy animal organization. But, finally, that particular +element in this whole combination which most impressed myself, and through +which it is that to this hour Mr. Palmer's mail-coach system tyrannizes +by terror and terrific beauty over my dreams, lay in the awful political +mission which at that time it fulfilled. The mail-coaches it was that +distributed over the face of the land, like the opening of apocalyptic +vials, the heart-shaking news of Trafalgar, of Salamanca, of Vittoria, of +Waterloo. These were the harvests that, in the grandeur of their reaping, +redeemed the tears and blood in which they had been sown. Neither was the +meanest peasant so much below the grandeur and the sorrow of the times as +to confound these battles, which were gradually moulding the destinies +of Christendom, with the vulgar conflicts of ordinary warfare, which are +oftentimes but gladiatorial trials of national prowess. The victories of +England in this stupendous contest rose of themselves as natural _Te Deums_ +to heaven; and it was felt by the thoughtful that such victories, at such a +crisis of general prostration, were not more beneficial to ourselves than +finally to France, and to the nations of western and central Europe, +through whose pusillanimity it was that the French domination had +prospered. + +The mail-coach, as the national organ for publishing these mighty events, +became itself a spiritualized and glorified object to an impassioned heart; +and naturally, in the Oxford of that day, all hearts were awakened. There +were, perhaps, of us gownsmen, two thousand _resident_[3] in Oxford, and +dispersed through five-and-twenty colleges. In some of these the custom +permitted the student to keep what are called "short terms;" that is, the +four terms of Michaelmas, Lent, Easter, and Act, were kept severally by a +residence, in the aggregate, of ninety-one days, or thirteen weeks. Under +this interrupted residence, accordingly, it was possible that a student +might have a reason for going down to his home four times in the year. This +made eight journeys to and fro. And as these homes lay dispersed through +all the shires of the island, and most of us disdained all coaches except +his majesty's mail, no city out of London could pretend to so extensive a +connection with Mr. Palmer's establishment as Oxford. Naturally, therefore, +it became a point of some interest with us, whose journeys revolved every +six weeks on an average, to look a little into the executive details of +the system. With some of these Mr. Palmer had no concern; they rested upon +bye-laws not unreasonable, enacted by posting-houses for their own benefit, +and upon others equally stern, enacted by the inside passengers for the +illustration of their own exclusiveness. These last were of a nature to +rouse our scorn, from which the transition was not _very long_ to mutiny. +Up to this time, it had been the fixed assumption of the four inside +people, (as an old tradition of all public carriages from the reign +of Charles II.,) that they, the illustrious quaternion, constituted +a porcelain variety of the human race, whose dignity would have been +compromised by exchanging one word of civility with the three miserable +delf ware outsides. Even to have kicked an outsider might have been held to +attaint the foot concerned in that operation; so that, perhaps, it would +have required an act of parliament to restore its purity of blood. What +words, then, could express the horror, and the sense of treason, in that +case, which _had_ happened, where all three outsides, the trinity of +Pariahs, made a vain attempt to sit down at the same breakfast table or +dinner table with the consecrated four? I myself witnessed such an attempt; +and on that occasion a benevolent old gentleman endeavored to soothe his +three holy associates, by suggesting that, if the outsides were indicted +for this criminal attempt at the next assizes, the court would regard it as +a case of lunacy (or _delirium tremens_) rather than of treason. England +owes much of her grandeur to the depth of the aristocratic element in her +social composition. I am not the man to laugh at it. But sometimes +it expressed itself in extravagant shapes. The course taken with the +infatuated outsiders, in the particular attempt which I have noticed, was, +that the waiter, beckoning them away from the privileged _salle-à -manger_, +sang out, "This way, my good men;" and then enticed them away off to the +kitchen. But that plan had not always answered. Sometimes, though very +rarely, cases occurred where the intruders, being stronger than usual, or +more vicious than usual, resolutely refused to move, and so far carried +their point, as to have a separate table arranged for themselves in a +corner of the room. Yet, if an Indian screen could be found ample enough +to plant them out from the very eyes of the high table, or _dais_, it then +became possible to assume as a fiction of law--that the three delf fellows, +after all, were not present. They could be ignored by the porcelain men, +under the maxim, that objects not appearing, and not existing, are governed +by the same logical construction. + +Such now being, at that time, the usages of mail-coaches, what was to be +done by us of young Oxford? We, the most aristocratic of people, who were +addicted to the practice of looking down superciliously even upon the +insides themselves as often very suspicious characters, were we voluntarily +to court indignities? If our dress and bearing sheltered us, generally, +from the suspicion of being "raff," (the name at that period for +"snobs,"[4]) we really _were_ such constructively, by the place we assumed. +If we did not submit to the deep shadow of eclipse, we entered at least the +skirts of its penumbra. And the analogy of theatres was urged against us, +where no man can complain of the annoyances incident to the pit or gallery, +having his instant remedy in paying the higher price of the boxes. But +the soundness of this analogy we disputed. In the case of the theatre, +it cannot be pretended that the inferior situations have any separate +attractions, unless the pit suits the purpose of the dramatic reporter. But +the reporter or critic is a rarity. For most people, the sole benefit is in +the price. Whereas, on the contrary, the outside of the mail had its own +incommunicable advantages. These we could not forego. The higher price we +should willingly have paid, but that was connected with the condition of +riding inside, which was insufferable. The air, the freedom of prospect, +the proximity to the horses, the elevation of seat--these were what we +desired; but, above all, the certain anticipation of purchasing occasional +opportunities of driving. + +Under coercion of this great practical difficulty, we instituted a +searching inquiry into the true quality and valuation of the different +apartments about the mail. We conducted this inquiry on metaphysical +principles; and it was ascertained satisfactorily, that the roof of the +coach, which some had affected to call the attics, and some the garrets, +was really the drawing-room, and the box was the chief ottoman or sofa +in that drawing-room; whilst it appeared that the inside, which had been +traditionally regarded as the only room tenantable by gentlemen, was, in +fact, the coal-cellar in disguise. + +Great wits jump. The very same idea had not long before struck the +celestial intellect of China. Amongst the presents carried out by our first +embassy to that country was a state-coach. It had been specially selected +as a personal gift by George III.; but the exact mode of using it was a +mystery to Pekin. The ambassador, indeed, (Lord Macartney,) had made some +dim and imperfect explanations upon the point; but as his excellency +communicated these in a diplomatic whisper, at the very moment of his +departure, the celestial mind was very feebly illuminated; and it became +necessary to call a cabinet council on the grand state question--"Where was +the emperor to sit?" The hammer-cloth happened to be unusually gorgeous; +and partly on that consideration, but partly also because the box offered +the most elevated seat, and undeniably went foremost, it was resolved by +acclamation that the box was the imperial place, and, _for the scoundrel +who drove, he might sit where he could find a perch_. The horses, +therefore, being harnessed, under a flourish of music and a salute of guns, +solemnly his imperial majesty ascended his new English throne, having the +first lord of the treasury on his right hand, and the chief jester on his +left. Pekin gloried in the spectacle; and in the whole flowery people, +constructively present by representation, there was but one discontented +person, which was the coachman. This mutinous individual, looking as +blackhearted as he really was, audaciously shouted, "Where am _I_ to sit?" +But the privy council, incensed by his disloyalty, unanimously opened the +door, and kicked him into the inside. He had all the inside places +to himself; but such is the rapacity of ambition, that he was still +dissatisfied. "I say," he cried out in an extempore petition, addressed to +the emperor through the window, "how am I to catch hold of the reins?" "Any +how," was the answer; "don't trouble _me_, man, in my glory; through the +windows, through the key-holes--how you please." Finally this contumacious +coachman lengthened the checkstrings into a sort of jury-reins, +communicating with the horses; with these he drove as steadily as may be +supposed. The emperor returned after the briefest of circuits; he descended +in great pomp from his throne, with the severest resolution never to +remount it. A public thanksgiving was ordered for his majesty's prosperous +escape from the disease of a broken neck; and the state-coach was dedicated +for ever as a votive offering to the god Fo, Fo--whom the learned more +accurately called Fi, Fi. + +A revolution of this same Chinese character did young Oxford of that era +effect in the constitution of mail-coach society. It was a perfect French +revolution; and we had good reason to say, _Ca ira_. In fact, it soon +became _too_ popular. The "public," a well known character, particularly +disagreeable, though slightly respectable, and notorious for affecting the +chief seats in synagogues, had at first loudly opposed this revolution; +but when the opposition showed itself to be ineffectual, our disagreeable +friend went into it with headlong zeal. At first it was a sort of race +between us; and, as the public is usually above thirty, (say generally from +thirty to fifty years old,) naturally we of young Oxford, that averaged +about twenty, had the advantage. Then the public took to bribing, giving +fees to horse-keepers, &c., who hired out their persons as warming-pans on +the box-seat. _That_, you know, was shocking to our moral sensibilities. +Come to bribery, we observed, and there is an end to all morality, +Aristotle's, Cicero's, or anybody's. And, besides, of what use was it? +For _we_ bribed also. And as our bribes to those of the public being +demonstrated out of Euclid to be as five shillings to sixpence, here +again young Oxford had the advantage. But the contest was ruinous to +the principles of the stable establishment about the mails. The whole +corporation was constantly bribed, rebribed, and often sur-rebribed; so +that a horse-keeper, ostler, or helper, was held by the philosophical at +that time to be the most corrupt character in the nation. + +There was an impression upon the public mind, natural enough from the +continually augmenting velocity of the mail, but quite erroneous, that +an outside seat on this class of carriages was a post of danger. On the +contrary, I maintained that, if a man had become nervous from some +gipsey prediction in his childhood, allocating to a particular moon now +approaching some unknown danger, and he should inquire earnestly, "Whither +can I go for shelter? Is a prison the safest retreat? Or a lunatic +hospital? Or the British Museum?" I should have replied, "Oh, no; I'll tell +you what to do. Take lodgings for the next forty days on the box of his +majesty's mail. Nobody can touch you there. If it is by bills at ninety +days after date that you are made unhappy--if noters and protesters are the +sort of wretches whose astrological shadows darken the house of life--then +note you what I vehemently protest, viz., that no matter though the sheriff +in every county should be running after you with his _posse_, touch a hair +of your head he cannot whilst you keep house, and have your legal domicile +on the box of the mail. It's felony to stop the mail; even the sheriff +cannot do that. And an _extra_ (no great matter if it grazes the sheriff) +touch of the whip to the leaders at any time guarantees your safety." In +fact, a bed-room in a quiet house, seems a safe enough retreat; yet it is +liable to its own notorious nuisances, to robbers by night, to rats, to +fire. But the mail laughs at these terrors. To robbers, the answer is +packed up and ready for delivery in the barrel of the guard's blunderbuss. +Rats again! there _are_ none about mail-coaches, any more than snakes in +Van Troil's Iceland; except, indeed, now and then a parliamentary rat, who +always hides his shame in the "coal cellar." And, as to fire, I never knew +but one in a mail-coach, which was in the Exeter mail, and caused by an +obstinate sailor bound to Devonport. Jack, making light of the law and the +lawgiver that had set their faces against his offence, insisted on taking +up a forbidden seat in the rear of the roof, from which he could exchange +his own yarns with those of the guard. No greater offence was then known to +mail-coaches; it was treason, it was _læsa majestas_, it was by tendency +arson; and the ashes of Jack's pipe, falling amongst the straw of the +hinder boot, containing the mail-bags, raised a flame which (aided by the +wind of our motion) threatened a revolution in the republic of letters. But +even this left the sanctity of the box unviolated. In dignified repose, +the coachman and myself sat on, resting with benign composure upon our +knowledge--that the fire would have to burn its way through four inside +passengers before it could reach ourselves. With a quotation rather too +trite, I remarked to the coachman,-- + + ----"Jam proximus ardet + Ucalegon." + +But recollecting that the Virgilian part of his education might have been +neglected, I interpreted so far as to say, that perhaps at that moment the +flames were catching hold of our worthy brother and next-door neighbor +Ucalegon. The coachman said nothing, but, by his faint sceptical smile, he +seemed to be thinking that he knew better; for that in fact, Ucalegon, as +it happened, was not in the way-bill. + +No dignity is perfect which does not at some point ally itself with the +indeterminate and mysterious. The connection of the mail with the state +and the executive government--a connection obvious, but yet not strictly +defined--gave to the whole mail establishment a grandeur and an official +authority which did us service on the roads, and invested us with +seasonable terrors. But perhaps these terrors were not the less impressive, +because their exact legal limits were imperfectly ascertained. Look at +those turnpike gates; with what deferential hurry, with what an obedient +start, they fly open at our approach! Look at that long line of carts +and carters ahead, audaciously usurping the very crest of the road. Ah! +traitors, they do not hear us as yet; but as soon as the dreadful blast of +our horn reaches them with the proclamation of our approach, see with what +frenzy of trepidation they fly to their horses' heads, and deprecate our +wrath by the precipitation of their crane-neck quarterings. Treason they +feel to be their crime; each individual carter feels himself under the +ban of confiscation and attainder: his blood is attainted through six +generations, and nothing is wanting but the headsman and his axe, the block +and the sawdust, to close up the vista of his horrors. What! shall it be +within benefit of clergy to delay the king's message on the high +road?--to interrupt the great respirations, ebb or flood, of the national +intercourse--to endanger the safety of tidings, running day and night +between all nations and languages? Or can it be fancied, amongst the +weakest of men, that the bodies of the criminals will be given up to their +widows for Christian burial? Now the doubts which were raised as to our +powers did more to wrap them in terror, by wrapping them in uncertainty, +than could have been effected by the sharpest definitions of the law from +the Quarter Sessions. We, on our parts, (we, the collective mail, I mean,) +did our utmost to exalt the idea of our privileges by the insolence with +which we wielded them. Whether this insolence rested upon law that gave +it a sanction, or upon conscious power, haughtily dispensing with that +sanction, equally it spoke from a potential station; and the agent in each +particular insolence of the moment, was viewed reverentially, as one having +authority. + +Sometimes after breakfast his majesty's mail would become frisky: and in +its difficult wheelings amongst the intricacies of early markets, it would +upset an apple cart, a cart loaded with eggs, &c. Huge was the affliction +and dismay, awful was the smash, though, after all, I believe the damage +might be levied upon the hundred. I, as far as possible, endeavored in such +a case to represent the conscience and moral sensibilities of the mail; +and, when wildernesses of eggs were lying poached under our horses' hoofs, +then would I stretch forth my hands in sorrow, saying (in words too +celebrated in those days from the false[5] echoes of Marengo)--"Ah! +wherefore have we not time to weep over you?" which was quite impossible, +for in fact we had not even time to laugh over them. Tied to post-office +time, with an allowance in some cases of fifty minutes for eleven miles, +could the royal mail pretend to undertake the offices of sympathy and +condolence? Could it be expected to provide tears for the accidents of the +road? If even it seemed to trample on humanity, it did so, I contended, in +discharge of its own more peremptory duties. + +Upholding the morality of the mail, _à fortiori_ I upheld its rights, +I stretched to the uttermost its privilege of imperial precedency, and +astonished weak minds by the feudal powers which I hinted to be lurking +constructively in the charters of this proud establishment. Once I remember +being on the box of the Holyhead mail, between Shrewsbury and Oswestry, +when a tawdry thing from Birmingham, some _Tallyho_ or _Highflier_, all +flaunting with green and gold, came up alongside of us. What a contrast to +our royal simplicity of form and color is this plebeian wretch! The single +ornament on our dark ground of chocolate color was the mighty shield of the +imperial arms, but emblazoned in proportions as modest as a signet-ring +bears to a seal of office. Even this was displayed only on a single panel, +whispering, rather than proclaiming, our relations to the state; whilst the +beast from Birmingham had as much writing and painting on its sprawling +flanks as would have puzzled a decipherer from the tombs of Luxor. For some +time this Birmingham machine ran along by our side--a piece of familiarity +that seemed to us sufficiently jacobinical. But all at once a movement of +the horses announced a desperate intention of leaving us behind. "Do you +see _that_?" I said to the coachman. "I see," was his short answer. He was +awake, yet he waited longer than seemed prudent; for the horses of our +audacious opponent had a disagreeable air of freshness and power. But +his motive was loyal; his wish was that the Birmingham conceit should be +full-blown before he froze it. When _that_ seemed ripe, he unloosed, or, to +speak by a stronger image, he sprang his known resources, he slipped our +royal horses like cheetas, or hunting leopards, after the affrighted game. +How they could retain such a reserve of fiery power after the work they had +accomplished, seemed hard to explain. But on our side, besides the physical +superiority, was a tower of strength, namely, the king's name, "which they +upon the adverse faction wanted." Passing them without an effort, as it +seemed, we threw them into the rear with so lengthening an interval between +us, as proved in itself the bitterest mockery of their presumption; whilst +our guard blew back a shattering blast of triumph, that was really too +painfully full of derision. + +I mention this little incident for its connection with what followed. A +Welshman, sitting behind me, asked if I had not felt my heart burn within +me during the continuance of the race? I said--No; because we were not +racing with a mail, so that no glory could be gained. In fact, it was +sufficiently mortifying that such a Birmingham thing should dare to +challenge us. The Welshman replied, that he didn't see _that_; for that a +cat might look at a king, and a Brummagem coach might lawfully race the +Holyhead mail. "_Race_ us perhaps," I replied, "though even _that_ has an +air of sedition, but not _beat_ us. This would have been treason; and for +its own sake I am glad that the Tallyho was disappointed." So dissatisfied +did the Welshman seem with this opinion, that at last I was obliged to tell +him a very fine story from one of our elder dramatists, viz.--that once, in +some oriental region, when the prince of all the land, with his splendid +court, were flying their falcons, a hawk suddenly flew at a majestic eagle; +and in defiance of the eagle's prodigious advantages, in sight also of all +the astonished field sportsmen, spectators, and followers, killed him on +the spot. The prince was struck with amazement at the unequal contest, and +with burning admiration for its unparalleled result. He commanded that the +hawk should be brought before him; caressed the bird with enthusiasm, and +ordered that, for the commemoration of his matchless courage, a crown +of gold should be solemnly placed on the hawk's head; but then that, +immediately after this coronation, the bird should be led off to execution, +as the most valiant indeed of traitors, but not the less a traitor that had +dared to rise in rebellion against his liege lord the eagle. "Now," said I +to the Welshman, "How painful it would have been to you and me as men of +refined feelings, that this poor brute, the Tallyho, in the impossible case +of a victory over us, should have been crowned with jewellery, gold, with +Birmingham ware, or paste diamonds, and then led off to instant execution." +The Welshman doubted if that could be warranted by law. And when I hinted +at the 10th of Edward III., chap. 15, for regulating the precedency of +coaches, as being probably the statute relied on for the capital punishment +of such offences, he replied drily--that if the attempt to pass a mail was +really treasonable, it was a pity that the Tallyho appeared to have so +imperfect an acquaintance with law. + +These were among the gaieties of my earliest and boyish acquaintance with +mails. But alike the gayest and the most terrific of my experiences rose +again after years of slumber, armed with preternatural power to shake my +dreaming sensibilities; sometimes, as in the slight case of Miss Fanny on +the Bath road, (which I will immediately mention,) through some casual or +capricious association with images originally gay, yet opening at some +stage of evolution into sudden capacities of horror; sometimes through the +more natural and fixed alliances with the sense of power so various lodged +in the mail system. + +The modern modes of travelling cannot compare with the mail-coach system +in grandeur and power. They boast of more velocity, but not however as +a consciousness, but as a fact of our lifeless knowledge, resting upon +_alien_ evidence; as, for instance, because somebody _says_ that we have +gone fifty miles in the hour, or upon the evidence of a result, as that +actually we find ourselves in York four hours after leaving London. Apart +from such an assertion, or such a result, I am little aware of the pace. +But, seated on the old mail-coach, we needed no evidence out of ourselves +to indicate the velocity. On this system the word was--_Non magna +loquimur_, as upon railways, but _magna vivimus_. The vital experience of +the glad animal sensibilities made doubts impossible on the question of our +speed; we heard our speed, we saw it, we felt it as a thrilling; and this +speed was not the product of blind insensate agencies, that had no sympathy +to give, but was incarnated in the fiery eyeballs of an animal, in his +dilated nostril, spasmodic muscles, and echoing hoofs. This speed was +incarnated in the _visible_ contagion amongst brutes of some impulse, that, +radiating into _their_ natures, had yet its centre and beginning in man. +The sensibility of the horse, uttering itself in the maniac light of his +eye, might be the last vibration of such a movement; the glory of Salamanca +might be the first--but the intervening link that connected them, that +spread the earthquake of the battle into the eyeball of the horse, was +the heart of man--kindling in the rapture of the fiery strife, and then +propagating its own tumults by motions and gestures to the sympathies, more +or less dim, in his servant the horse. + +But now, on the new system of travelling, iron tubes and boilers have +disconnected man's heart from the ministers of his locomotion. Nile nor +Trafalgar has power any more to raise an extra bubble in a steam-kettle. +The galvanic cycle is broken up for ever: man's imperial nature no longer +sends itself forward through the electric sensibility of the horse; the +inter-agencies are gone in the mode of communication between the horse and +his master, out of which grew so many aspects of sublimity under accidents +of mists that hid, or sudden blazes that revealed, of mobs that agitated, +or midnight solitudes that awed. Tidings, fitted to convulse all nations, +must henceforwards travel by culinary process; and the trumpet that once +announced from afar the laurelled mail, heart-shaking, when heard screaming +on the wind, and advancing through the darkness to every village +or solitary house on its route, has now given way for ever to the +pot-wallopings of the boiler. + +Thus have perished multiform openings for sublime effects, for interesting +personal communications, for revelations of impressive faces that could not +have offered themselves amongst the hurried and fluctuating groups of +a railway station. The gatherings of gazers about a mail-coach had one +centre, and acknowledged only one interest. But the crowds attending at +a railway station have as little unity as running water, and own as many +centres as there are separate carriages in the train. + +How else, for example, than as a constant watcher for the dawn, and for +the London mail that in summer months entered about dawn into the lawny +thickets of Marlborough Forest, couldst thou, sweet Fanny of the Bath road, +have become known to myself? Yet Fanny, as the loveliest young woman for +face and person that perhaps in my whole life I have beheld, merited +the station which even _her_ I could not willingly have spared; yet +(thirty-five years later) she holds in my dreams: and though, by an +accident of fanciful caprice, she brought along with her into those dreams +a troop of dreadful creatures, fabulous and not fabulous, that were more +abominable to a human heart than Fanny and the dawn were delightful. + +Miss Fanny of the Bath road, strictly speaking, lived at a mile's distance +from that road, but came so continually to meet the mail, that I on my +frequent transits rarely missed her, and naturally connected her name +with the great thoroughfare where I saw her; I do not exactly know, but I +believe with some burthen of commissions to be executed in Bath, her own +residence being probably the centre to which these commissions gathered. +The mail coachman, who wore the royal livery, being one amongst the +privileged few,[6] happened to be Fanny's grandfather. A good man he +was, that loved his beautiful granddaughter; and, loving her wisely, was +vigilant over her deportment in any case where young Oxford might happen +to be concerned. Was I then vain enough to imagine that I myself, +individually, could fall within the line of his terrors? Certainly not, +as regarded any physical pretensions that I could plead; for Fanny (as a +chance passenger from her own neighborhood once told me) counted in her +train a hundred and ninety-nine professed admirers, if not open aspirants +to her favor; and probably not one of the whole brigade but excelled myself +in personal advantages. Ulysses even, with the unfair advantage of his +accursed bow, could hardly have undertaken that amount of suitors. So +the danger might have seemed slight--only that woman is universally +aristocratic; it is amongst her nobilities of heart that she _is_ so. Now, +the aristocratic distinctions in my favor might easily with Miss Fanny have +compensated my physical deficiencies. Did I then make love to Fanny? Why, +yes; _mais oui donc_; as much love as one _can_ make whilst the mail is +changing horses, a process which ten years later did not occupy above +eighty seconds; but _then_, viz., about Waterloo, it occupied five times +eighty. Now, four hundred seconds offer a field quite ample enough for +whispering into a young woman's ear a great deal of truth; and (by way of +parenthesis) some trifle of falsehood. Grandpapa did right, therefore, to +watch me. And yet, as happens too often to the grandpapas of earth, in +a contest with the admirers of granddaughters, how vainly would he have +watched me had I meditated any evil whispers to Fanny! She, it is my +belief, would have protected herself against any man's evil suggestions. +But he, as the result showed, could not have intercepted the opportunities +for such suggestions. Yet he was still active; he was still blooming. +Blooming he was as Fanny herself. + + "Say, all our praises why should lords--" + +No, that's not the line. + + "Say, all our roses why should girls engross?" + +The coachman showed rosy blossoms on his face deeper even than his +granddaughter's,--_his_ being drawn from the ale cask, Fanny's from youth +and innocence, and from the fountains of the dawn. But, in spite of his +blooming face, some infirmities he had; and one particularly (I am very +sure, no _more_ than one,) in which he too much resembled a crocodile. This +lay in a monstrous inaptitude for turning round. The crocodile, I presume, +owes that inaptitude to the absurd _length_ of his back; but in our +grandpapa it arose rather from the absurd _breadth_ of his back, combined, +probably, with some growing stiffness in his legs. Now upon this crocodile +infirmity of his I planted an easy opportunity for tendering my homage to +Miss Fanny. In defiance of all his honorable vigilance, no sooner had he +presented to us his mighty Jovian back (what a field for displaying to +mankind his royal scarlet!) whilst inspecting professionally the buckles, +the straps, and the silver turrets of his harness, than I raised Miss +Fanny's hand to my lips, and, by the mixed tenderness and respectfulness of +my manner, caused her easily to understand how happy it would have made +me to rank upon her list as No. 10 or 12, in which case a few casualties +amongst her lovers (and observe--they _hanged_ liberally in those days) +might have promoted me speedily to the top of the tree; as, on the other +hand, with how much loyalty of submission I acquiesced in her allotment, +supposing that she had seen reason to plant me in the very rearward of her +favor, as No. 199+1. It must not be supposed that I allowed any trace +of jest, or even of playfulness, to mingle with these expressions of my +admiration; that would have been insulting to her, and would have been +false as regarded my own feelings. In fact, the utter shadowyness of our +relations to each other, even after our meetings through seven or eight +years had been very numerous, but of necessity had been very brief, being +entirely on mail-coach allowance--timid, in reality, by the General +Post-Office--and watched by a crocodile belonging to the antepenultimate +generation, left it easy for me to do a thing which few people ever _can_ +have done--viz., to make love for seven years, at the same time to be +as sincere as ever creature was, and yet never to compromise myself by +overtures that might have been foolish as regarded my own interests, +or misleading as regarded hers. Most truly I loved this beautiful and +ingenuous girl; and had it not been for the Bath and Bristol mail, heaven +only knows what might have come of it. People talk of being over head and +ears in love--now, the mail was the cause that I sank only over ears in +love, which, you know, still left a trifle of brain to overlook the whole +conduct of the affair. I have mentioned the case at all for the sake of +a dreadful result from it in after years of dreaming. But it seems, _ex +abundanti_, to yield this moral--viz., that as, in England, the idiot and +the half-wit are held to be under the guardianship of chancery, so the man +making love, who is often but a variety of the same imbecile class, ought +to be made a ward of the General Post-Office, whose severe course of +_timing_ and periodical interruption might intercept many a foolish +declaration, such as lays a solid foundation for fifty years' repentance. + +Ah, reader! when I look back upon those days, it seems to me that all +things change or perish. Even thunder and lightning, it pains me to say, +are not the thunder and lightning which I seem to remember about the +time of Waterloo. Roses, I fear, are degenerating, and, without a Red +revolution, must come to the dust. The Fannies of our island--though this +I say with reluctance--are not improving; and the Bath road is notoriously +superannuated. Mr. Waterton tells me that the crocodile does _not_ +change--that a cayman, in fact, or an alligator, is just as good for riding +upon as he was in the time of the Pharaohs. _That_ may be; but the reason +is, that the crocodile does not live fast--he is a slow coach. I believe +it is generally understood amongst naturalists, that the crocodile is a +blockhead. It is my own impression that the Pharaohs were also blockheads. +Now, as the Pharaohs and the crocodile domineered over Egyptian society, +this accounts for a singular mistake that prevailed on the Nile. The +crocodile made the ridiculous blunder of supposing man to be meant chiefly +for his own eating. Man, taking a different view of the subject, naturally +met that mistake by another; he viewed the crocodile as a thing sometimes +to worship, but always to run away from. And this continued until Mr. +Waterton changed the relations between the animals. The mode of escaping +from the reptile he showed to be, not by running away, but by leaping on +its back, booted and spurred. The two animals had misunderstood each other. +The use of the crocodile has now been cleared up--it is to be ridden; and +the use of man is, that he may improve the health of the crocodile by +riding him a fox-hunting before breakfast. And it is pretty certain that +any crocodile, who has been regularly hunted through the season, and is +master of the weight he carries, will take a six-barred gate now as well as +ever he would have done in the infancy of the pyramids. + +Perhaps, therefore, the crocodile does _not_ change, but all things else +_do_: even the shadow of the pyramids grows less. And often the restoration +in vision of Fanny and the Bath road, makes me too pathetically sensible of +that truth. Out of the darkness, if I happen to call up the image of Fanny +from thirty-five years back, arises suddenly a rose in June; or, if I think +for an instant of the rose in June, up rises the heavenly face of Fanny. +One after the other, like the antiphonies in the choral service, rises +Fanny and the rose in June, then back again the rose in June and Fanny. +Then come both together, as in a chorus; roses and Fannies, Fannies and +roses, without end--thick as blossoms in paradise. Then comes a venerable +crocodile, in a royal livery of scarlet and gold, or in a coat with sixteen +capes; and the crocodile is driving four-in-hand from the box of the +Bath mail. And suddenly we upon the mail are pulled up by a mighty dial, +sculptured with the hours, and with the dreadful legend of TOO LATE. Then +all at once we are arrived at Marlborough forest, amongst the lovely +households[7] of the roe-deer: these retire into the dewy thickets; the +thickets are rich with roses; the roses call up (as ever) the sweet +countenance of Fanny, who, being the granddaughter of a crocodile, awakens +a dreadful host of wild semi-legendary animals,--griffins, dragons, +basilisks, sphinxes,--till at length the whole vision of fighting images +crowds into one towering armorial shield, a vast emblazonry of human +charities and human loveliness that have perished, but quartered +heraldically with unutterable horrors of monstrous and demoniac natures, +whilst over all rises, as a surmounting crest, one fair female hand, with +the fore-finger pointing, in sweet, sorrowful admonition, upwards to +heaven, and having power (which, without experience, I never could have +believed) to awaken the pathos that kills in the very bosom of the horrors +that madden the grief that gnaws at the heart, together with the monstrous +creations of darkness that shock the belief, and make dizzy the reason of +man. This is the peculiarity that I wish the reader to notice, as having +first been made known to me for a possibility by this early vision of +Fanny on the Bath road. The peculiarity consisted in the confluence of two +different keys, though apparently repelling each other, into the music +and governing principles of the same dream; horror, such as possesses the +maniac, and yet, by momentary transitions, grief, such as may be supposed +to possess the dying mother when leaving her infant children to the mercies +of the cruel. Usually, and perhaps always, in an unshaken nervous system, +these two modes of misery exclude each other--here first they met in horrid +reconciliation. There was also a separate peculiarity in the quality of the +horror. This was afterwards developed into far more revolting complexities +of misery and incomprehensible darkness; and perhaps I am wrong in +ascribing any value as a _causative_ agency to this particular case on the +Bath road--possibly it furnished merely an _occasion_ that accidentally +introduced a mode of horrors certain, to any rate, to have grown up, +with or without the Bath road, from more advanced stages of the nervous +derangement. Yet, as the cubs of tigers or leopards, when domesticated, +have been observed to suffer a sudden development of their latent ferocity +under too eager an appeal to their playfulness--the gaieties of sport in +_them_ being too closely connected with the fiery brightness of their +murderous instincts--so I have remarked that the caprices, the gay +arabesques, and the lovely floral luxuriations of dreams, betray a shocking +tendency to pass into finer maniacal splendors. That gaiety, for instance +(for such as first it was,) in the dreaming faculty, by which one principal +point of resemblance to a crocodile in the mail-coachman was soon made to +clothe him with the form of a crocodile, and yet was blended with accessory +circumstances derived from his _human_ functions, passed rapidly into a +further development, no longer gay or playful, but terrific, the most +terrific that besieges dreams, viz--the horrid inoculation upon each other +of incompatible natures. This horror has always been secretly felt by +man; it was felt even under pagan forms of religion, which offered a very +feeble, and also a very limited gamut for giving expression to the human +capacities of sublimity or of horror. We read it in the fearful composition +of the sphinx. The dragon, again, is the snake inoculated upon the +scorpion. The basilisk unites the mysterious malice of the evil eye, +unintentional on the part of the unhappy agent, with the intentional venom +of some other malignant natures. But these horrid complexities of evil +agency are but _objectively_ horrid; they inflict the horror suitable to +their compound nature; but there is no insinuation that they _feel_ that +horror. Heraldry is so full of these fantastic creatures, that, in some +zoologies, we find a separate chapter or a supplement dedicated to what is +denominated heraldic zoology. And why not? For these hideous creatures, +however visionary[8], have a real traditionary ground in medieval +belief--sincere and partly reasonable, though adulterating with mendacity, +blundering, credulity, and intense superstition. But the dream-horror +which I speak of is far more frightful. The dreamer finds housed +within himself--occupying, as it were, some separate chamber in his +brain--holding, perhaps, from that station a secret and detestable commerce +with his own heart--some horrid alien nature. What if it were his own +nature repeated,--still, if the duality were distinctly perceptible, even +_that_--even this mere numerical double of his own consciousness--might +be a curse too mighty to be sustained. But how, if the alien nature +contradicts his own, fights with it, perplexes, and confounds it? How, +again, if not one alien nature, but two, but three, but four, but five, are +introduced within what once he thought the inviolable sanctuary of himself? +These, however, are horrors from the kingdoms of anarchy and darkness, +which, by their very intensity, challenge the sanctity of concealment, and +gloomily retire from exposition. Yet it was necessary to mention them, +because the first introduction to such appearances (whether causal, +or merely casual) lay in the heraldic monsters, (which monsters were +themselves introduced though playfully,) by the transfigured coachman of +the Bath mail. + + +GOING DOWN WITH VICTORY. + +But the grandest chapter of our experience, within the whole mail-coach +service, was on those occasions when we went down from London with the +news of victory. A period of about ten years stretched from Trafalgar to +Waterloo: the second and third years of which period (1806 and 1807) +were comparatively sterile; but the rest, from 1805 to 1815 inclusively, +furnished a long succession of victories; the least of which, in a contest +of that portentous nature, had an inappreciable value of position--partly +for its absolute interference with the plans of our enemy, but still +more from its keeping alive in central Europe the sense of a deep-seated +vulnerability in France. Even to tease the coasts of our enemy, to mortify +them by continual blockades, to insult them by capturing if it were but a +baubling schooner under the eyes of their arrogant armies, repeated from +time to time a sullen proclamation of power lodged in a quarter to which +the hopes of Christendom turned in secret. How much more loudly must this +proclamation have spoken in the audacity[9] of having bearded the _elite_ +of their troops, and having beaten them in pitched battles! Five years of +life it was worth paying down for the privilege of an outside place on a +mail-coach, when carrying down the first tidings of any such event. And it +is to be noted that, from our insular situation, and the multitude of our +frigates disposable for the rapid transmission of intelligence, rarely +did any unauthorized rumor steal away a prelibation from the aroma of the +regular dispatches. The government official news was generally the first +news. + +From eight, P.M. to fifteen or twenty minutes later, imagine the mails +assembled on parade in Lombard Street, where, at that time, was seated the +General Post-Office. In what exact strength we mustered I do not remember; +but, from the length of each separate _attelage_, we filled the street, +though a long one, and though we were drawn up in double file. On _any_ +night the spectacle was beautiful. The absolute perfection of all the +appointments about the carriages and the harness, and the magnificence of +the horses, were what might first have fixed the attention. Every +carriage, on every morning in the year, was taken down to an inspector +for examination--wheels, axles, linch-pins, pole, glasses, &c., were +all critically probed and tested. Every part of every carriage had been +cleaned, every horse had been groomed, with as much rigor as if they +belonged to a private gentleman; and that part of the spectacle offered +itself always. But the night before us is a night of victory; and behold! +to the ordinary display, what a heart-shaking addition!--horses, men, +carriages--all are dressed in laurels and flowers, oak leaves and ribbons. +The guards, who are his majesty's servants, and the coachmen, who are +within the privilege of the post-office, wear the royal liveries of course; +and as it is summer (for all the _land_ victories were won in summer,) they +wear, on this fine evening, these liveries exposed to view, without any +covering of upper coats. Such a costume, and the elaborate arrangement of +the laurels in their hats, dilated their hearts, by giving to them openly +an _official_ connection with the great news, in which already they have +the general interest of patriotism. That great national sentiment surmounts +and quells all sense of ordinary distinctions. Those passengers who happen +to be gentlemen are now hardly to be distinguished as such except by dress. +The usual reserve of their manner in speaking to the attendants has on this +night melted away. One heart, one pride, one glory, connects every man +by the transcendent bond of his English blood. The spectators, who are +numerous beyond precedent, express their sympathy with these fervent +feelings by continual hurrahs. Every moment are shouted aloud by the +post-office servants the great ancestral names of cities known to history +through a thousand years,--Lincoln, Winchester, Portsmouth, Gloucester, +Oxford, Bristol, Manchester, York, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Perth, +Glasgow--expressing the grandeur of the empire by the antiquity of its +towns, and the grandeur of the mail establishment by the diffusive +radiation of its separate missions. Every moment you hear the thunder of +lids locked down upon the mail-bags. That sound to each individual mail is +the signal for drawing off, which process is the finest part of the entire +spectacle. Then come the horses into play,--horses! can these be horses +that (unless powerfully reined in) would bound off with the action and +gestures of leopards? What stir!--what sea-like ferment!--what a thundering +of wheels, what a trampling of horses!--what farewell cheers--what +redoubling peals of brotherly congratulation, connecting the name of the +particular mail--"Liverpool for ever!"--with the name of the particular +victory--"Badajoz for ever!" or "Salamanca for ever!" The half-slumbering +consciousness that, all night long and all the next day--perhaps for even +a longer period--many of these mails, like fire racing along a train of +gunpowder, will be kindling at every instant new successions of burning +joy, has an obscure effect of multiplying the victory itself, by +multiplying to the imagination into infinity the stages of its progressive +diffusion. A fiery arrow seems to be let loose, which from that moment +is destined to travel, almost without intermission, westwards for three +hundred[10] miles--northwards for six hundred; and the sympathy of our +Lombard Street friends at parting is exalted a hundred fold by a sort of +visionary sympathy with the approaching sympathies, yet unborn, which we +are going to evoke. + +Liberated from the embarrassments of the city, and issuing into the broad +uncrowded avenues of the northern suburbs, we begin to enter upon our +natural pace of ten miles an hour. In the broad light of the summer +evening, the sun, perhaps, only just at the point of setting, we are +seen from every story of every house. Heads of every age crowd to +the windows--young and old understand the language of our victorious +symbols--and rolling volleys of sympathizing cheers run along behind and +before our course. The beggar, rearing himself against the wall, forgets +his lameness--real or assumed--thinks not of his whining trade, but stands +erect, with bold exulting smiles, as we pass him. The victory has healed +him, and says--Be thou whole! Women and children, from garrets alike and +cellars, look down or look up with loving eyes upon our gay ribbons and our +martial laurels--sometimes kiss their hands, sometimes hang out, as signals +of affection, pocket handkerchiefs, aprons, dusters, anything that lies +ready to their hands. On the London side of Barnet, to which we draw near +within a few minutes after nine, observe that private carriage which is +approaching us. The weather being so warm, the glasses are all down; and +one may read, as on the stage of a theatre, everything that goes on within +the carriage. It contains three ladies, one likely to be "mama," and two +of seventeen or eighteen, who are probably her daughters. What lovely +animation, what beautiful unpremeditated pantomime, explaining to us every +syllable that passes, in these ingenuous girls! By the sudden start and +raising of the hands, on first discovering our laurelled equipage--by the +sudden movement and appeal to the elder lady from both of them--and by the +heightened color on their animated countenances, we can almost hear them +saying--"See, see! Look at their laurels. Oh, mama! there has been a great +battle in Spain; and it has been a great victory." In a moment we are on +the point of passing them. We passengers--I on the box, and the two on the +roof behind me--raise our hats, the coachman makes his professional salute +with the whip; the guard even, though punctilious on the matter of his +dignity as an officer under the crown, touches his hat. The ladies move to +us, in return, with a winning graciousness of gesture: all smile on each +side in a way that nobody could misunderstand, and that nothing short of a +grand national sympathy could so instantaneously prompt. Will these ladies +say that we are nothing to _them_? Oh, no; they will not say _that_. They +cannot deny--they do not deny--that for this night they are our sisters: +gentle or simple, scholar or illiterate servant, for twelve hours to +come--we on the outside have the honor to be their brothers. Those poor +women again, who stop to gaze upon us with delight at the entrance of +Barnet, and seem, by their air of weariness, to be returning from labor--do +you mean to say that they are washerwomen and char-women? Oh, my poor +friend, you are quite mistaken; they are nothing of the kind. I assure you +they stand in a higher rank; for this one night they feel themselves by +birthright to be daughters of England, and answer to no humbler title. + +Every joy, however, even rapturous joy--such is the sad law of earth--may +carry with it grief, or fear of grief, to some. Three miles beyond Barnet, +we see approaching us another private carriage, nearly repeating the +circumstances of the former case. Here, also, the glasses are all +down--here, also, is an elderly lady seated; but the two amiable daughters +are missing; for the single young person, sitting by the lady's side, seems +to be an attendant--so I judge from her dress, and her air of respectful +reserve. The lady is in mourning; and her countenance expresses sorrow. +At first she does not look up; so that I believe she is not aware of our +approach, until she hears the measured beating of our horses' hoofs. Then +she raises her eyes to settle them painfully on our triumphal equipage. +Our decorations explain the case to her at once; but she beholds them with +apparent anxiety, or even with terror. Some time before this, I, finding it +difficult to hit a flying mark, when embarrassed by the coachman's person +and reins intervening, had given to the guard a _Courier_ evening paper, +containing the gazette, for the next carriage that might pass. Accordingly +he tossed it in so folded that the huge capitals expressing some such +legend as--GLORIOUS VICTORY, might catch the eye at once. To see the paper, +however, at all, interpreted as it was by our ensigns of triumph, explained +everything; and, if the guard were right in thinking the lady to have +received it with a gesture of horror, it could not be doubtful that she had +suffered some deep personal affliction in connection with this Spanish war. + +Here now was the case of one, who, having formerly suffered, might, +erroneously perhaps, be distressing herself with anticipations of another +similar suffering. That same night, and hardly three hours later, occurred +the reverse case. A poor woman, who too probably would find herself, in a +day or two, to have suffered the heaviest of afflictions by the battle, +blindly allowed herself to express an exultation so unmeasured in the +news, and its details, as gave to her the appearance which amongst Celtic +Highlanders is called _fey_. This was at some little town, I forget what, +where we happened to change horses near midnight. Some fair or wake had +kept the people up out of their beds. We saw many lights moving about as +we drew near; and perhaps the most impressive scene on our route was our +reception at this place. The flashing of torches and the beautiful radiance +of blue lights (technically Bengal lights) upon the heads of our horses; +the fine effect of such a showery and ghostly illumination falling upon +flowers and glittering laurels, whilst all around the massy darkness seemed +to invest us with walls of impenetrable blackness, together with the +prodigious enthusiasm of the people, composed a picture at once scenical +and affecting. As we staid for three or four minutes, I alighted. And +immediately from a dismantled stall in the street, where perhaps she had +been presiding at some part of the evening, advanced eagerly a middle-aged +woman. The sight of my newspaper it was that had drawn her attention upon +myself. The victory which we were carrying down to the provinces on _this_ +occasion was the imperfect one of Talavera. I told her the main outline of +the battle. But her agitation, though not the agitation of fear, but of +exultation rather, and enthusiasm, had been so conspicuous when listening, +and when first applying for information, that I could not but ask her if +she had not some relation in the Peninsular army. Oh! yes: her only son was +there. In what regiment? He was a trooper in the 23d Dragoons. My heart +sank within me as she made that answer. This sublime regiment, which an +Englishman should never mention without raising his hat to their memory, +had made the most memorable and effective charge recorded in military +annals. They leaped their horses--_over_ a trench where they could, _into_ +it, and with the result of death or mutilation when they could _not_. What +proportion cleared the trench is nowhere stated. Those who _did_, closed up +and went down upon the enemy with such divinity of fervor--(I use the +word _divinity_ by design: the inspiration of God must have prompted this +movement to those whom even then he was calling to his presence)--that two +results followed. As regarded the enemy, this 23d Dragoons, not, I believe, +originally three hundred and fifty strong, paralyzed a French column, six +thousand strong, then ascending the hill, and fixed the gaze of the whole +French army. As regarded themselves, the 23d were supposed at first to have +been all but annihilated; but eventually, I believe, not so many as one in +four survived. And this, then, was the regiment--a regiment already for +some hours known to myself and all London, as stretched, by a large +majority, upon one bloody aceldama--in which the young trooper served whose +mother was now talking with myself in a spirit of such hopeful enthusiasm. +Did I tell her the truth? Had I the heart to break up her dreams? No. I +said to myself, to-morrow, or the next day, she will hear the worst. For +this night, wherefore should she not sleep in peace? After to-morrow, +the chances are too many that peace will forsake her pillow. This brief +respite, let her owe this to _my_ gift and _my_ forbearance. But, if I told +her not of the bloody price that had been paid, there was no reason for +suppressing the contributions from her son's regiment to the service and +glory of the day. For the very few words that I had time for speaking, I +governed myself accordingly. I showed her not the funeral banners under +which the noble regiment was sleeping. I lifted not the overshadowing +laurels from the bloody trench in which horse and rider lay mangled +together. But I told her how these dear children of England, privates and +officers, had leaped their horses over all obstacles as gaily as hunters to +the morning's chase. I told her how they rode their horses into the mists +of death, (saying to myself, but not saying to _her_,) and laid down their +young lives for thee, O mother England! as willingly--poured out their +noble blood as cheerfully--as ever, after a long day's sport, when infants, +they had rested their wearied heads upon their mother's knees, or had sunk +to sleep in her arms. It is singular that she seemed to have no fears, even +after this knowledge that the 23d Dragoons had been conspicuously engaged, +for her son's safety: but so much was she enraptured by the knowledge that +_his_ regiment, and therefore _he_, had rendered eminent service in the +trying conflict--a service which had actually made them the foremost topic +of conversation in London--that in the mere simplicity of her fervent +nature, she threw her arms round my neck, and, poor woman, kissed me. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +Lady Madeline Gordon.] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Vast distances_."--One case was familiar to mail-coach travellers, where +two mails in opposite directions, north and south, starting at the same +minute from points six hundred miles apart, met almost constantly at a +particular bridge which exactly bisected the total distance.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Resident_."--The number on the books was far greater, many of whom kept +up an intermitting communication with Oxford. But I speak of those only who +were steadily pursuing their academic studies, and of those who resided +constantly as _fellows_.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_Snobs_," and its antithesis, "_nobs_," arose among the internal fractions +of shoemakers perhaps ten years later. Possibly enough, the terms may have +existed much earlier; but they were then first made known, picturesquely +and effectively, by a trial at some assizes which happened to fix the +public attention.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_False echoes_"--yes, false! for the words ascribed to Napoleon, as +breathed to the memory of Desaix, never were uttered at all.--They stand +in the same category of theatrical inventions as the cry of the foundering +_Vengeur_, as the vaunt of General Cambronne at Waterloo, "_La Garde meurt, +mais ne se rend pas_," as the repartees of Talleyrand.] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_Privileged few_." The general impression was, that this splendid costume +belonged of right to the mail-coachmen as their professional dress. But +that was an error. To the guard it _did_ belong, as a matter of course, and +was essential as an official warrant, and a means of instant identification +for his person, in the discharge of his important public duties. But the +coachman, and especially if his place in the series did not connect him +immediately with London and the General Post-Office, obtained the scarlet +coat only as an honorary distinction after long or special service.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Households_."--Roe-deer do not congregate in herds like the fallow or the +red deer, but by separate families, parents, and children; which feature +of approximation to the sanctity of human hearths, added to their +comparatively miniature and graceful proportions, conciliate to them +an interest of a peculiarly tender character, if less dignified by the +grandeurs of savage and forest life.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_However visionary_."--But _are_ they always visionary? the unicorn, the +kraken, the sea-serpent, are all, perhaps, zoological facts. The unicorn, +for instance, so far from being a lie, is rather _too_ true; for, simply +as a _monokeras_, he is found in the Himalaya, in Africa, and elsewhere, +rather too often for the peace of what in Scotland would be called the +_intending_ traveller. That which really _is_ a lie in the account of the +unicorn--viz., his legendary rivalship with the lion--which lie may God +preserve, in preserving the mighty imperial shield that embalms it--cannot +be more destructive to the zoological pretensions of the unicorn, than +are to the same pretensions in the lion our many popular crazes about his +goodness and magnanimity, or the old fancy (adopted by Spenser, and noticed +by so many among our elder poets) of his graciousness to maiden innocence. +The wretch is the basest and most cowardly among the forest tribes; nor +has the sublime courage of the English bull-dog ever been so memorably +exhibited as in his hopeless fight at Warwick with the cowardly and cruel +lion called Wallace. Another of the traditional creatures, still doubtful, +is the mermaid, upon which Southey once remarked to me, that, if it +had been differently named (as, suppose, a mer-ape,) nobody would have +questioned its existence any more than that of sea-cows, sea-lions, &c. +The mermaid has been discredited by her human name and her legendary human +habits. If she would not coquette so much with melancholy sailors, and +brush her hair so assiduously upon solitary rocks, she would be carried on +our books for as honest a reality, as decent a female, as many that are +assessed to the poor-rates.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Audacity_!"--Such the French accounted it; and it has struck me that +Soult would not have been so popular in London, at the period of her +present Majesty's coronation, or in Manchester, on occasion of his visit to +that town, if they had been aware of the insolence with which he spoke of +us in notes written at intervals from the field of Waterloo. As though it +had been mere felony in our army to look a French one in the face, he said +more than once--"Here are the English--we have them: they are caught _en +flagrant delit_" Yet no man should have known us better; no man had drunk +deeper from the cup of humiliation than Soult had in the north of Portugal, +during the flight from an English army, and subsequently at Albuera, in the +bloodiest of recorded battles.] + +[NOTE 10. + +"_Three hundred_." Of necessity this scale of measurement, to an American, +if he happens to be a thoughtless man, must sound ludicrous. Accordingly, I +remember a case in which an American writer indulges himself in the luxury +of a little lying, by ascribing to an Englishman a pompous account of +the Thames, constructed entirely upon American ideas of grandeur, and +concluding in something like these terms:--"And, sir, arriving at London, +this mighty father of rivers attains a breadth of at least two furlongs, +having, in its winding course, traversed the astonishing distance of one +hundred and seventy miles." And this the candid American thinks it fair to +contrast with the scale of the Mississippi. Now, it is hardly worth while +to answer a pure falsehood gravely, else one might say that no Englishman +out of Bedlam ever thought of looking in an island for the rivers of +a continent; nor, consequently, could have thought of looking for the +peculiar grandeur of the Thames in the length of its course, or in the +extent of soil which it drains: yet, if he _had_ been so absurd, the +American might have recollected that a river, not to be compared with the +Thames even as to volume of water--viz. the Tiber--has contrived to make +itself heard of in this world for twenty-five centuries to an extent +not reached, nor likely to be reached very soon, by any river, however +corpulent, of his own land. The glory of the Thames is measured by the +density of the population to which it ministers, by the commerce which +it supports, by the grandeur of the empire in which, though far from the +largest, it is the most influential stream. Upon some such scale, and not +by a transfer of Columbian standards, is the course of our English mails to +be valued. The American may fancy the effect of his own valuations to our +English ears, by supposing the case of a Siberian glorifying his country in +these terms:--"These rascals, sir, in France and England, cannot march half +a mile in any direction without finding a house where food can be had and +lodging; whereas, such is the noble desolation of our magnificent country, +that in many a direction for a thousand miles, I will engage a dog shall +not find shelter from a snow-storm, nor a wren find an apology for +breakfast."] + + + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + +[THE reader is to understand this present paper, in its two sections of +_The Vision_, &c., and _The Dream-Fugue_, as connected with a previous +paper on _The English Mail-Coach_. The ultimate object was the Dream-Fugue, +as an attempt to wrestle with the utmost efforts of music in dealing with +a colossal form of impassioned horror. The Vision of Sudden Death contains +the mail-coach incident, which did really occur, and did really suggest +the variations of the Dream, here taken up by the Fugue, as well as other +variations not now recorded. Confluent with these impressions, from the +terrific experience on the Manchester and Glasgow mail, were other and more +general impressions, derived from long familiarity with the English mail, +as developed in the former paper; impressions, for instance, of animal +beauty and power, of rapid motion, at that time unprecedented, of +connection with the government and public business of a great nation, but, +above all, of connection with the national victories at an unexampled +crisis,--the mail being the privileged organ for publishing and dispersing +all news of that kind. From this function of the mail, arises naturally the +introduction of Waterloo into the fourth variation of the Fogue; for the +mail itself having been carried into the dreams by the incident in the +Vision, naturally all the accessory circumstances of pomp and grandeur +investing this national carriage followed in the train of the principal +image.] + +What is to be thought of sudden death? It is remarkable that, in different +conditions of society it has been variously regarded as the consummation of +an earthly career most fervently to be desired, and, on the other hand, +as that consummation which is most of all to be deprecated. Cæsar the +Dictator, at his last dinner party, (_coena_,) and the very evening before +his assassination, being questioned as to the mode of death which, in _his_ +opinion, might seem the most eligible, replied--"That which should be most +sudden." On the other hand, the divine Litany of our English Church, when +breathing forth supplications, as if in some representative character for +the whole human race prostrate before God, places such a death in the very +van of horrors. "From lightning and tempest; from plague, pestilence, and +famine; from battle and murder, and from sudden death,--_Good Lord, deliver +us_." Sudden death is here made to crown the climax in a grand ascent of +calamities; it is the last of curses; and yet, by the noblest of Romans, +it was treated as the first of blessings. In that difference, most readers +will see little more than the difference between Christianity and Paganism. +But there I hesitate. The Christian church may be right in its estimate of +sudden death; and it is a natural feeling, though after all it may also +be an infirm one, to wish for a quiet dismissal from life--as that which +_seems_ most reconcilable with meditation, with penitential retrospects, +and with the humilities of farewell prayer. There does not, however, occur +to me any direct scriptural warrant for this earnest petition of the +English Litany. It seems rather a petition indulged to human infirmity, +than exacted from human piety. And, however _that_ may be, two remarks +suggest themselves as prudent restraints upon a doctrine, which else _may_ +wander, and _has_ wandered, into an uncharitable superstition. The first +is this: that many people are likely to exaggerate the horror of a sudden +death, (I mean the _objective_ horror to him who contemplates such a +death, not the _subjective_ horror to him who suffers it,) from the false +disposition to lay a stress upon words or acts, simply because by an +accident they have become words or acts. If a man dies, for instance, +by some sudden death when he happens to be intoxicated, such a death is +falsely regarded with peculiar horror; as though the intoxication were +suddenly exalted into a blasphemy. But _that_ is unphilosophic. The man +was, or he was not, _habitually_ a drunkard. If not, if his intoxication +were a solitary accident, there can be no reason at all for allowing +special emphasis to this act, simply because through misfortune it became +his final act. Nor, on the other hand, if it were no accident, but one of +his _habitual_ transgressions, will it be the more habitual or the more a +transgression, because some sudden calamity, surprising him, has caused +this habitual transgression to be also a final one? Could the man have had +any reason even dimly to foresee his own sudden death, there would have +been a new feature in his act of intemperance--a feature of presumption and +irreverence, as in one that by possibility felt himself drawing near to the +presence of God. But this is no part of the case supposed. And the only new +element in the man's act is not any element of extra immorality, but simply +of extra misfortune. + +The other remark has reference to the meaning of the word _sudden_. And it +is a strong illustration of the duty which for ever calls us to the stern +valuation of words--that very possibly Cæesar and the Christian church do +not differ in the way supposed; that is, do not differ by any difference +of doctrine as between Pagan and Christian views of the moral temper +appropriate to death, but that they are contemplating different cases. +Both contemplate a violent death; a [Greek: biathanatos]--death that +is [Greek: biaios]: but the difference is--that the Roman by the word +"sudden" means an _unlingering_ death: whereas the Christian Litany +by "sudden" means a death _without warning_, consequently without any +available summons to religious preparation. The poor mutineer, who kneels +down to gather into his heart the bullets from twelve firelocks of his +pitying comrades, dies by a most sudden death in Cæsar's sense: one shock, +one mighty spasm, one (possibly _not_ one) groan, and all is over. But, +in the sense of the Litany, his death is far from sudden; his offence, +originally, his imprisonment, his trial, the interval between his sentence +and its execution, having all furnished him with separate warnings of his +fate--having all summoned him to meet it with solemn preparation. + +Meantime, whatever may be thought of a sudden death as a mere variety in +the modes of dying, where death in some shape is inevitable--a question +which, equally in the Roman and the Christian sense, will be variously +answered according to each man's variety of temperament--certainly, upon +one aspect of sudden death there can be no opening for doubt, that of all +agonies incident to man it is the most frightful, that of all martyrdoms it +is the most freezing to human sensibilities--namely, where it surprises a +man under circumstances which offer (or which seem to offer) some hurried +and inappreciable chance of evading it. Any effort, by which such an +evasion can be accomplished, must be as sudden as the danger which it +affronts. Even _that_, even the sickening necessity for hurrying in +extremity where all hurry seems destined to be vain, self-baffled, and +where the dreadful knell of _too_ late is already sounding in the ears by +anticipation--even that anguish is liable to a hideous exasperation in one +particular case, namely, where the agonising appeal is made not exclusively +to the instinct of self-preservation, but to the conscience, on behalf of +another life besides your own, accidentally cast upon _your_ protection. To +fail, to collapse in a service merely your own, might seem comparatively +venial; though, in fact, it is far from venial. But to fail in a case where +Providence has suddenly thrown into your hands the final interests of +another--of a fellow-creature shuddering between the gates of life and +death; this, to a man of apprehensive conscience, would mingle the misery +of an atrocious criminality with the misery of a bloody calamity. The man +is called upon, too probably, to die; but to die at the very moment when, +by any momentary collapse, he is self-denounced as a murderer. He had but +the twinkling of an eye for his effort, and that effort might, at the best, +have been unavailing; but from this shadow of a chance, small or great, how +if he has recoiled by a treasonable _lâcheté_? The effort _might_ have been +without hope; but to have risen to the level of that effort, would have +rescued him, though not from dying, yet from dying as a traitor to his +duties. + +The situation here contemplated exposes a dreadful ulcer, lurking far down +in the depths of human nature. It is not that men generally are summoned +to face such awful trials. But potentially, and in shadowy outline, such +a trial is moving subterraneously in perhaps all men's natures--muttering +under ground in one world, to be realized perhaps in some other. Upon the +secret mirror of our dreams such a trial is darkly projected at intervals, +perhaps, to every one of us. That dream, so familiar to childhood, of +meeting a lion, and, from languishing prostration in hope and vital energy, +that constant sequel of lying down before him, publishes the secret +frailty of human nature--reveals its deep-seated Pariah falsehood to +itself--records its abysmal treachery. Perhaps not one of us escapes that +dream; perhaps, as by some sorrowful doom of man, that dream repeats for +every one of us, through every generation, the original temptation in Eden. +Every one of us, in this dream, has a bait offered to the infirm places of +his own individual will; once again a snare is made ready for leading him +into captivity to a luxury of ruin; again, as in aboriginal Paradise, the +man falls from innocence; once again, by infinite iteration, the ancient +Earth groans to God, through her secret caves, over the weakness of her +child; "Nature, from her seat, sighing through all her works," again "gives +signs of woe that all is lost;" and again the counter sigh is repeated to +the sorrowing heavens of the endless rebellion against God. Many people +think that one man, the patriarch of our race, could not in his single +person execute this rebellion for all his race. Perhaps they are wrong. +But, even if not, perhaps in the world of dreams every one of us ratifies +for himself the original act. Our English rite of "Confirmation," by which, +in years of awakened reason, we take upon us the engagements contracted +for us in our slumbering infancy,--how sublime a rite is that! The little +postern gate, through which the baby in its cradle had been silently placed +for a time within the glory of God's countenance, suddenly rises to the +clouds as a triumphal arch, through which, with banners displayed and +martial pomps, we make our second entry as crusading soldiers militant +for God, by personal choice and by sacramental oath. Each man says in +effect--"Lo! I rebaptise myself; and that which once was sworn on my +behalf, now I swear for myself." Even so in dreams, perhaps, under some +secret conflict of the midnight sleeper, lighted up to the consciousness +at the time, but darkened to the memory as soon as all is finished, each +several child of our mysterious race completes for himself the aboriginal +fall. + +As I drew near to the Manchester post office, I found that it was +considerably past midnight; but to my great relief, as it was important for +me to be in Westmorland by the morning, I saw by the huge saucer eyes of +the mail, blazing through the gloom of overhanging houses, that my chance +was not yet lost. Past the time it was; but by some luck, very unusual in +my experience, the mail was not even yet ready to start. I ascended to +my seat on the box, where my cloak was still lying as it had lain at +the Bridgewater Arms. I had left it there in imitation of a nautical +discoverer, who leaves a bit of bunting on the shore of his discovery, by +way of warning off the ground the whole human race, and signalising to the +Christian and the heathen worlds, with his best compliments, that he has +planted his throne for ever upon that virgin soil: henceforward claiming +the _jus dominii_ to the top of the atmosphere above it, and also the right +of driving shafts to the centre of the earth below it; so that all people +found after this warning, either aloft in the atmosphere, or in the +shafts, or squatting on the soil, will be treated as trespassers--that is, +decapitated by their very faithful and obedient servant, the owner of the +said bunting. Possibly my cloak might not have been respected, and the _jus +gentium_ might have been cruelly violated in my person--for, in the dark, +people commit deeds of darkness, gas being a great ally of morality--but it +so happened that, on this night, there was no other outside passenger; +and the crime, which else was but too probable, missed fire for want of +a criminal. By the way, I may as well mention at this point, since a +circumstantial accuracy is essential to the effect of my narrative, that +there was no other person of any description whatever about the mail--the +guard, the coachman, and myself being allowed for--except only one--a +horrid creature of the class known to the world as insiders, but whom young +Oxford called sometimes "Trojans," in opposition to our Grecian selves, and +sometimes "vermin." A Turkish Effendi, who piques himself on good breeding, +will never mention by name a pig. Yet it is but too often that he has +reason to mention this animal; since constantly, in the streets of +Stamboul, he has his trousers deranged or polluted by this vile creature +running between his legs. But under any excess of hurry he is always +careful, out of respect to the company he is dining with, to suppress the +odious name, and to call the wretch "that other creature," as though all +animal life beside formed one group, and this odious beast (to whom, as +Chrysippus observed, salt serves as an apology for a soul) formed another +and alien group on the outside of creation. Now I, who am an English +Effendi, that think myself to understand good-breeding as well as any son +of Othman, beg my reader's pardon for having mentioned an insider by his +gross natural name. I shall do so no more; and, if I should have occasion +to glance at so painful a subject, I shall always call him "that other +creature." Let us hope, however, that no such distressing occasion will +arise. But, by the way, an occasion arises at this moment; for the reader +will be sure to ask, when we come to the story, "Was this other creature +present?" He was _not_; or more correctly, perhaps, _it_ was not. We +dropped the creature--or the creature, by natural imbecility, dropped +itself--within the first ten miles from Manchester. In the latter case, I +wish to make a philosophic remark of a moral tendency. When I die, or when +the reader dies, and by repute suppose of fever, it will never be known +whether we died in reality of the fever or of the doctor. But this other +creature, in the case of dropping out of the coach, will enjoy a coroner's +inquest; consequently he will enjoy an epitaph. For I insist upon it, that +the verdict of a coroner's jury makes the best of epitaphs. It is brief, so +that the public all find time to read; it is pithy, so that the surviving +friends (if any _can_ survive such a loss) remember it without fatigue; it +is upon oath, so that rascals and Dr. Johnsons cannot pick holes in it. +"Died through the visitation of intense stupidity, by impinging on a +moonlight night against the off hind wheel of the Glasgow mail! Deodand +upon the said wheel--two-pence." What a simple lapidary inscription! Nobody +much in the wrong but an off-wheel; and with few acquaintances; and if it +were but rendered into choice Latin, though there would be a little bother +in finding a Ciceronian word for "off-wheel," Marcellus himself, that great +master of sepulchral eloquence, could not show a better. Why I call this +little remark _moral_, is, from the compensation it points out. Here, by +the supposition, is that other creature on the one side, the beast of the +world; and he (or it) gets an epitaph. You and I, on the contrary, the +pride of our friends, get none. + +But why linger on the subject of vermin? Having mounted the box, I took a +small quantity of laudanum, having already travelled two hundred and fifty +miles--viz., from a point seventy miles beyond London, upon a simple +breakfast. In the taking of laudanum there was nothing extraordinary. But +by accident it drew upon me the special attention of my assessor on the +box, the coachman. And in _that_ there was nothing extraordinary. But by +accident, and with great delight, it drew my attention to the fact that +this coachman was a monster in point of size, and that he had but one eye. +In fact he had been foretold by Virgil as-- + + "Monstrum. horrendum, informe, ingens cui lumen adempium." + +He answered in every point--a monster he was--dreadful, shapeless, huge, +who had lost an eye. But why should _that_ delight me? Had he been one of +the Calendars in the Arabian Nights, and had paid down his eye as the price +of his criminal curiosity, what right had I to exult in his misfortune? I +did _not_ exult: I delighted in no man's punishment, though it were even +merited. But these personal distinctions identified in an instant an old +friend of mine, whom I had known in the south for some years as the most +masterly of mail-coachmen. He was the man in all Europe that could best +have undertaken to drive six-in-hand full gallop over _Al Sirat_--that +famous bridge of Mahomet across the bottomless gulf, backing himself +against the Prophet and twenty such fellows. I used to call him _Cyclops +mastigophorus_, Cyclops the whip-bearer, until I observed that his skill +made whips useless, except to fetch off an impertinent fly from a leader's +head; upon which I changed his Grecian name to Cyclops _diphrélates_ +(Cyclops the charioteer.) I, and others known to me, studied under him the +diphrelatic art. Excuse, reader, a word too elegant to be pedantic. And +also take this remark from me, as a _gage d'amitié_--that no word ever +was or _can_ be pedantic which, by supporting a distinction, supports the +accuracy of logic; or which fills up a chasm for the understanding. As a +pupil, though I paid extra fees, I cannot say that I stood high in +his esteem. It showed his dogged honesty, (though, observe, not his +discernment,) that he could not see my merits. Perhaps we ought to excuse +his absurdity in this particular by remembering his want of an eye. _That_ +made him blind to my merits. Irritating as this blindness was, (surely +it could not be envy?) he always courted my conversation, in which art I +certainly had the whip-hand of him. On this occasion, great joy was at our +meeting. But what was Cyclops doing here? Had the medical men recommended +northern air, or how? I collected, from such explanations as he +volunteered, that he had an interest at stake in a suit-at-law pending at +Lancaster; so that probably he had got himself transferred to this station, +for the purpose of connecting with his professional pursuits an instant +readiness for the calls of his lawsuit. + +Meantime, what are we stopping for? Surely, we've been waiting long enough. +Oh, this procrastinating mail, and oh this procrastinating post-office! +Can't they take a lesson upon that subject from _me_? Some people have +called _me_ procrastinating. Now you are witness, reader, that I was in +time for _them_. But can _they_ lay their hands on their hearts, and say +that they were in time for me? I, during my life, have often had to wait +for the post-office; the post-office never waited a minute for me. What are +they about? The guard tells me that there is a large extra accumulation of +foreign mails this night, owing to irregularities caused by war and by the +packet service, when as yet nothing is done by steam. For an _extra_ hour, +it seems, the post-office has been engaged in threshing out the pure +wheaten correspondence of Glasgow, and winnowing it from the chaff of all +baser intermediate towns. We can hear the flails going at this moment. But +at last all is finished. Sound your horn, guard. Manchester, good bye; +we've lost an hour by your criminal conduct at the post-office; which, +however, though I do not mean to part with a serviceable ground of +complaint, and one which really is such for the horses, to me secretly is +an advantage, since it compels us to recover this last hour amongst the +next eight or nine. Off we are at last, and at eleven miles an hour; and at +first I detect no changes in the energy or in the skill of Cyclops. + +From Manchester to Kendal, which virtually (though not in law) is the +capital of Westmoreland, were at this time seven stages of eleven miles +each. The first five of these, dated from Manchester, terminated in +Lancaster, which was therefore fifty-five miles north of Manchester, and +the same distance exactly from Liverpool. The first three terminated in +Preston, (called, by way of distinction from other towns of that name, +_proud_ Preston,) at which place it was that the separate roads from +Liverpool and from Manchester to the north became confluent. Within these +first three stages lay the foundation, the progress, and termination of our +night's adventure. During the first stage, I found out that Cyclops was +mortal: he was liable to the shocking affection of sleep--a thing which I +had never previously suspected. If a man is addicted to the vicious habit +of sleeping, all the skill in aurigation of Apollo himself, with the horses +of Aurora to execute the motions of his will, avail him nothing. "Oh, +Cyclops!" I exclaimed more than once, "Cyclops, my friend; thou art mortal. +Thou snorest." Through this first eleven miles, however, he betrayed +his infirmity--which I grieve to say he shared with the whole Pagan +Pantheon--only by short stretches. On waking up, he made an apology for +himself, which, instead of mending the matter, laid an ominous foundation +for coming disasters. The summer assizes were now proceeding at Lancaster: +in consequence of which, for three nights and three days, he had not lain +down in a bed. During the day, he was waiting for his uncertain summons as +a witness on the trial in which he was interested; or he was drinking with +the other witnesses, under the vigilant surveillance of the attorneys. +During the night, or that part of it when the least temptations existed to +conviviality, he was driving. Throughout the second stage he grew more and +more drowsy. In the second mile of the third stage, he surrendered himself +finally and without a struggle to his perilous temptation. All his past +resistance had but deepened the weight of this final oppression. Seven +atmospheres of sleep seemed resting upon him; and, to consummate the case, +our worthy guard, after singing "Love amongst the Roses," for the fiftieth +or sixtieth time, without any invitation from Cyclops or myself, and +without applause for his poor labors, had moodily resigned himself to +slumber--not so deep doubtless as the coachman's, but deep enough for +mischief; and having, probably, no similar excuse. And thus at last, about +ten miles from Preston, I found myself left in charge of his Majesty's +London and Glasgow mail, then running about eleven miles an hour. + +What made this negligence less criminal than else it must have been +thought, was the condition of the roads at night during the assizes. At +that time all the law business of populous Liverpool, and of populous +Manchester, with its vast cincture of populous rural districts, was called +up by ancient usage to the tribunal of Lilliputian Lancaster. To break up +this old traditional usage required a conflict with powerful established +interests, a large system of new arrangements, and a new parliamentary +statute. As things were at present, twice in the year so vast a body of +business rolled northwards, from the southern quarter of the county, that +a fortnight at least occupied the severe exertions of two judges for its +dispatch. The consequence of this was--that every horse available for such +a service, along the whole line of road, was exhausted in carrying down the +multitudes of people who were parties to the different suits. By sunset, +therefore, it usually happened that, through utter exhaustion amongst +men and horses, the roads were all silent. Except exhaustion in the vast +adjacent county of York from a contested election, nothing like it was +ordinarily witnessed in England. + +On this occasion, the usual silence and solitude prevailed along the road. +Not a hoof nor a wheel was to be heard. And to strengthen this false +luxurious confidence in the noiseless roads, it happened also that the +night was one of peculiar solemnity and peace. I myself, though slightly +alive to the possibilities of peril, had so far yielded to the influence of +the mighty calm as to sink into a profound reverie. The month was August, +in which lay my own birth-day; a festival to every thoughtful man +suggesting solemn and often sigh-born thoughts.[1] The county was my own +native county--upon which, in its southern section, more than upon any +equal area known to man past or present, had descended the original curse +of labour in its heaviest form, not mastering the bodies of men only as of +slaves, or criminals in mines, but working through the fiery will. Upon no +equal space of earth, was, or ever had been, the same energy of human +power put forth daily. At this particular season also of the assizes, that +dreadful hurricane of flight and pursuit, as it might have seemed to a +stranger, that swept to and from Lancaster all day long, hunting the +county up and down, and regularly subsiding about sunset, united with the +permanent distinction of Lancashire as the very metropolis and citadel of +labour, to point the thoughts pathetically upon that counter vision of +rest, of saintly repose from strife and sorrow, towards which, as to their +secret haven, the profounder aspirations of man's heart are continually +travelling. Obliquely we were nearing the sea upon our left, which also +must, under the present circumstances, be repeating the general state of +halcyon repose. The sea, the atmosphere, the light, bore an orchestral part +in this universal lull. Moonlight, in the first timid tremblings of the +dawn, were now blending: and the blendings were brought into a still more +exquisite state of unity, by a slight silvery mist, motionless and dreamy, +that covered the woods and fields, but with a veil of equable transparency. +Except the feet of our own horses, which, running on a sandy margin of the +road, made little disturbance, there was no sound abroad. In the clouds, +and on the earth, prevailed the same majestic peace; and in spite of all +that the villain of a schoolmaster has done for the ruin of our sublimer +thoughts, which are the thoughts of our infancy, we still believe in no +such nonsense as a limited atmosphere. Whatever we may swear with our false +feigning lips, in our faithful hearts we still believe, and must for ever +believe, in fields of air traversing the total gulf between earth and the +central heavens. Still, in the confidence of children that tread without +fear _every_ chamber in their father's house, and to whom no door is +closed, we, in that Sabbatic vision which sometimes is revealed for an hour +upon nights like this, ascend with easy steps from the sorrow-stricken +fields of earth, upwards to the sandals of God. + +[Footnote 1: "Sigh-born:" I owe the suggestion of this word to an obscure +remembrance of a beautiful phrase in Giraldus Gambrensis, viz., _suspiriosæ +cogilationes_.] + +Suddenly from thoughts like these, I was awakened to a sullen sound, as +of some motion on the distant road. It stole upon the air for a moment; I +listened in awe; but then it died away. Once roused, however, I could not +but observe with alarm the quickened motion of our horses. Ten years' +experience had made my eye learned in the valuing of motion; and I saw that +we were now running thirteen miles an hour. I pretend to no presence of +mind. On the contrary, my fear is, that I am miserably and shamefully +deficient in that quality as regards action. The palsy of doubt and +distraction hangs like some guilty weight of dark unfathomed remembrances +upon my energies, when the signal is flying for _action_. But, on the other +hand, this accursed gift I have, as regards _thought_, that in the first +step towards the possibility of a misfortune, I see its total evolution: in +the radix I see too certainly and too instantly its entire expansion; in +the first syllable of the dreadful sentence, I read already the last. It +was not that I feared for ourselves. What could injure _us_? Our bulk and +impetus charmed us against peril in any collision. And I had rode through +too many hundreds of perils that were frightful to approach, that were +matter of laughter as we looked back upon them, for any anxiety to rest +upon _our_ interests. The mail was not built, I felt assured, nor bespoke, +that could betray _me_ who trusted to its protection. But any carriage that +we could meet would be frail and light in comparison of ourselves. And I +remarked this ominous accident of our situation. We were on the wrong side +of the road. But then the other party, if other there was, might also be on +the wrong side; and two wrongs might make a right. _That_ was not likely. +The same motive which had drawn _us_ to the right-hand side of the road, +viz., the soft beaten sand, as contrasted with the paved centre, would +prove attractive to others. Our lamps, still lighted, would give the +impression of vigilance on our part. And every creature that met us, would +rely upon _us_ for quartering.[1] All this, and if the separate links of +the anticipation had been a thousand times more, I saw--not discursively or +by effort--but as by one flash of horrid intuition. + +[Footnote 1: "_Quartering_"--this is the technical word; and, I presume +derived from the French _carlayer_, to evade a rut or any obstacle.] + +Under this steady though rapid anticipation of the evil which _might_ be +gathering ahead, ah, reader! what a sullen mystery of fear, what a sigh of +woe, seemed to steal upon the air, as again the far-off sound of a +wheel was heard! A whisper it was--a whisper from, perhaps, four miles +off--secretly announcing a ruin that, being foreseen, was not the less +inevitable. What could be done--who was it that could do it--to check the +storm-flight of these maniacal horses? What! could I not seize the reins +from the grasp of the slumbering coachman? You, reader, think that it would +have been in _your_ power to do so. And I quarrel not with your estimate of +yourself. But, from the way in which the coachman's hand was viced between +his upper and lower thigh, this was impossible. The guard subsequently +found it impossible, after this danger had passed. Not the grasp only, but +also the position of this Polyphemus, made the attempt impossible. You +still think otherwise. See, then, that bronze equestrian statue. The cruel +rider has kept the bit in his horse's mouth for two centuries. Unbridle +him, for a minute, if you please, and wash his mouth with water. Or stay, +reader, unhorse me that marble emperor; knock me those marble feet from +those marble stirrups of Charlemagne. + +The sounds ahead strengthened, and were now too clearly the sounds of +wheels. Who and what could it be? Was it industry in a taxed cart? Was it +youthful gaiety in a gig? Whoever it was, something must be attempted to +warn them. Upon the other party rests the active responsibility, but upon +_us_--and, woe is me! that _us_ was my single self--rest the responsibility +of warning. Yet, how should this be accomplished? Might I not seize the +guard's horn? Already, on the first thought, I was making my way over the +roof to the guard's seat. But this, from the foreign mails being piled upon +the roof, was a difficult, and even dangerous attempt, to one cramped by +nearly three hundred miles of outside travelling. And, fortunately, before +I had lost much time in the attempt, our frantic horses swept round an +angle of the road, which opened upon us the stage where the collision must +be accomplished, the parties that seemed summoned to the trial, and the +impossibility of saving them by any communication with the guard. + +Before us lay an avenue, straight as an arrow, six hundred yards, perhaps, +in length; and the umbrageous trees, which rose in a regular line from +either side, meeting high overhead, gave to it the character of a cathedral +aisle. These trees lent a deeper solemnity to the early light; but there +was still light enough to perceive, at the further end of this gothic +aisle, a light, reedy gig, in which were seated a young man, and, by his +side, a young lady. Ah, young sir! what are you about? If it is necessary +that you should whisper your communications to this young lady--though +really I see nobody at this hour, and on this solitary road, likely to +overhear your conversation--is it, therefore, necessary that you should +carry your lips forward to hers? The little carriage is creeping on at one +mile an hour; and the parties within it, being thus tenderly engaged, are +naturally bending down their heads. Between them and eternity, to all human +calculation, there is but a minute and a half. What is it that I shall do? +Strange it is, and to a mere auditor of the tale, might seem laughable, +that I should need a suggestion from the _Iliad_ to prompt the sole +recourse that remained. But so it was. Suddenly I remembered the shout of +Achilles, and its effect. But could I pretend to shout like the son of +Peleus, aided by Pallas? No, certainly: but then I needed not the shout +that should alarm all Asia militant; a shout would suffice, such as should +carry terror into the hearts of two thoughtless young people, and one +gig horse. I shouted--and the young man heard me not. A second time I +shouted--and now he heard me, for now he raised his head. + +Here, then, all had been done that, by me, _could_ be done: more on _my_ +part was not possible. Mine had been the first step: the second was for the +young man: the third was for God. If, said I, the stranger is a brave man, +and if, indeed, he loves the young girl at his side--or, loving her not, if +he feels the obligation pressing upon every man worthy to be called a man, +of doing his utmost for a woman confided to his protection--he will at +least make some effort to save her. If _that_ fails, he will not perish the +more, or by a death more cruel, for having made it; and he will die as a +brave man should, with his face to the danger, and with his arm about the +woman that he sought in vain to save. But if he makes no effort, shrinking, +without a struggle, from his duty, he himself will not the less certainly +perish for this baseness of poltroonery. He will die no less: and why not? +Wherefore should we grieve that there is one craven less in the world? No; +_let_ him perish, without a pitying thought of ours wasted upon him; and, +in that case, all our grief will be reserved for the fate of the helpless +girl, who now, upon the least shadow of failure in _him_, must, by the +fiercest of translations--must, without time for a prayer--must, within +seventy seconds, stand before the judgment-seat of God. + +But craven he was not: sudden had been the call upon him, and sudden was +his answer to the call. He saw, he heard, he comprehended, the ruin that +was coming down: already its gloomy shadow darkened above him; and already +he was measuring his strength to deal with it. Ah! what a vulgar thing does +courage seem, when we see nations buying it and selling it for a shilling a +day: ah! what a sublime thing does courage seem, when some fearful crisis +on the great deeps of life carries a man, as if running before a hurricane, +up to the giddy crest of some mountainous wave, from which accordingly as +he chooses his course, he describes two courses, and a voice says to him +audibly, "This way lies hope; take the other way and mourn for ever!" Yet, +even then, amidst the raving of the seas and the frenzy of the danger, the +man is able to confront his situation--is able to retire for a moment +into solitude with God, and to seek all his counsel from _him_! For seven +seconds, it might be, of his seventy, the stranger settled his countenance +steadfastly upon us, as if to search and value every element in the +conflict before him. For five seconds more he sate immovably, like one that +mused on some great purpose. For five he sate with eyes upraised, like one +that prayed in sorrow, under some extremity of doubt, for wisdom to guide +him towards the better choice. Then suddenly he rose; stood upright; and, +by a sudden strain upon the reins, raising his horse's forefeet from the +ground, he slewed him round on the pivot of his hind legs, so as to plant +the little equipage in a position nearly at right angles to ours. Thus +far his condition was not improved; except as a first step had been taken +towards the possibility of a second. If no more were done, nothing was +done; for the little carriage still occupied the very centre of our path, +though in an altered direction. Yet even now it may not be too late: +fifteen of the twenty seconds may still be unexhausted; and one almighty +bound forward may avail to clear the ground. Hurry then; hurry! for the +flying moments--_they_ hurry! Oh hurry, hurry, my brave young man! for the +cruel hoofs of our horses--_they_ also hurry! Fast are the flying moments, +faster are the hoofs of our horses. Fear not for _him_, if human energy can +suffice: faithful was he that drove, to his terrific duty; faithful was the +horse to _his_ command. One blow, one impulse given with voice and hand by +the stranger, one rush from the horse, one bound as if in the act of rising +to a fence, landed the docile creature's forefeet upon the crown or arching +centre of the road. The larger half of the little equipage had then cleared +our over-towering shadow: _that_ was evident even to my own agitated sight. +But it mattered little that one wreck should float off in safety, if upon +the wreck that perished were embarked the human freightage. The rear part +of the carriage--was _that_ certainly beyond the line of absolute ruin? +What power could answer the question? Glance of eye, thought of man, wing +of angel, which of these had speed enough to sweep between the question and +the answer, and divide the one from the other? Light does not tread upon +the steps of light more indivisibly, than did our all-conquering arrival +upon the escaping efforts of the gig. _That_ must the young man have felt +too plainly. His back was now turned to us; not by sight could he any +longer communicate with the peril; but by the dreadful rattle of our +harness, too truly had his ear been instructed--that all was finished as +regarded any further effort of _his_. Already in resignation he had rested +from his struggle; and perhaps, in his heart he was whispering--"Father, +which art above, do thou finish in heaven what I on earth have attempted." +We ran past them faster than ever mill-race in our inexorable flight. Oh, +raving of hurricanes that must have sounded in their young ears at the +moment of our transit! Either with the swingle-bar, or with the haunch of +our near leader, we had struck the off-wheel of the little gig, which stood +rather obliquely and not quite so far advanced as to be accurately parallel +with the near wheel. The blow, from the fury of our passage, resounded +terrifically. I rose in horror, to look upon the ruins we might have +caused. From my elevated station I looked down., and looked back upon the +scene, which in a moment told its tale, and wrote all its records on my +heart for ever. + +The horse was planted immovably, with his fore-feet upon the paved crest of +the central road. He of the whole party was alone untouched by the passion +of death. The little cany carriage--partly perhaps from the dreadful +torsion of the wheels in its recent movement, partly from the thundering +blow we had given to it--as if it sympathized with human horror, was all +alive with tremblings and shiverings. The young man sat like a rock. He +stirred not at all. But _his_ was the steadiness of agitation frozen into +rest by horror. As yet he dared not to look round; for he knew that, if +anything remained to do, by him it could no longer be done. And as yet he +knew not for certain if their safety were accomplished. But the lady-- + +But the lady--! Oh heavens! will that spectacle ever depart from my dreams, +as she rose and sank upon her seat, sank and rose, threw up her arms wildly +to heaven, clutched at some visionary object in the air, fainting, praying, +raving, despairing! Figure to yourself, reader, the elements of the case; +suffer me to recall before your mind the circumstances of the unparalleled +situation. From the silence and deep peace of this saintly summer +night--from the pathetic blending of this sweet moonlight, dawnlight, +dreamlight--from the manly tenderness of this flattering, whispering, +murmuring love--suddenly as from the woods and fields--suddenly as from +the chambers of the air opening in revelation--suddenly as from the ground +yawning at her feet, leaped upon her, with the flashing of cataracts, Death +the crowned phantom, with all the equipage of his terrors, and the tiger +roar of his voice. + +The moments were numbered. In the twinkling of an eye our flying horses had +carried us to the termination of the umbrageous aisle; at right angles we +wheeled into our former direction; the turn of the road carried the scene +out of my eyes in an instant, and swept it into my dreams for ever. + + + +DREAM-FUGUE. + +ON THE ABOVE THEME OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + + "Whence the sound + Of instruments, that made melodious chime, + Was heard, of harp and organ; and who mov'd + Their stops and chords, was seen; his volant touch + Instinct through all proportions, low and high, + Fled and pursued transverse the resonant fugue." + +_Par. Lost, B. XL_ + +_Tumultuosissimamente_. + +Passion of Sudden Death! that once in youth I read and interpreted by the +shadows of thy averted[1] signs;--Rapture of panic taking the shape which +amongst tombs in churches I have seen, of woman bursting her sepulchral +bonds--of woman's Ionic form bending forward from the ruins of her grave +with arching foot, with eyes upraised, with clasped adoring hands--waiting, +watching, trembling, praying, for the trumpet's call to rise from dust +for ever!--Ah, vision too fearful of shuddering humanity on the brink +of abysses! vision that didst start back--that didst reel away--like a +shrivelling scroll from before the wrath of fire racing on the wings of the +wind! Epilepsy so brief of horror--wherefore is it that thou canst not die? +Passing so suddenly into darkness, wherefore is it that still thou sheddest +thy sad funeral blights upon the gorgeous mosaics of dreams? Fragment of +music too stern, heard once and heard no more, what aileth thee that thy +deep rolling chords come up at intervals through all the worlds of sleep, +and after thirty years have lost no element of horror? + +[Footnote 1: "_Averted signs_."--I read the course and changes of the +lady's agony in the succession of her involuntary gestures; but let it be +remembered that I read all this from the rear, never once catching the +lady's full face, and even her profile imperfectly.] + + +1. + +Lo, it is summer, almighty summer! The everlasting gates of life and summer +are thrown open wide; and on the ocean, tranquil and verdant as a savanna, +the unknown lady from the dreadful vision and I myself are floating: she +upon a fairy pinnace, and I upon an English three-decker. But both of +us are wooing gales of festal happiness within the domain of our common +country--within that ancient watery park--within that pathless chase where +England takes her pleasure as a huntress through winter and summer, and +which stretches from the rising to the setting sun. Ah! what a wilderness +of floral beauty was hidden, or was suddenly revealed, upon the tropic +islands, through which the pinnace moved. And upon her deck what a bevy +of human flowers--young women how lovely, young men how noble, that were +dancing together, and slowly drifting towards _us_ amidst music and +incense, amidst blossoms from forests and gorgeous corymbi from vintages, +amidst natural caroling and the echoes of sweet girlish laughter. Slowly +the pinnace nears us, gaily she hails us, and slowly she disappears beneath +the shadow of our mighty bows. But then, as at some signal from heaven, the +music and the carols, and the sweet echoing of girlish laughter--all are +hushed. What evil has smitten the pinnace, meeting or overtaken her? Did +ruin to our friends couch within our own dreadful shadow? Was our shadow +the shadow of death? I looked over the bow for an answer; and, behold! the +pinnace was dismantled; the revel and the revellers were found no more; the +glory of the vintage was dust; and the forest was left without a witness to +its beauty upon the seas. "But where," and I turned to our own crew--"Where +are the lovely women that danced beneath the awning of flowers and +clustering corymbi? Whither have fled the noble young men that danced with +_them_?" Answer there was none. But suddenly the man at the mast-head, +whose countenance darkened with alarm, cried out--"Sail on the weather +beam! Down she comes upon us: in seventy seconds she will founder!" + + +2. + +I looked to the weather side, and the summer had departed. The sea was +rocking, and shaken with gathering wrath. Upon its surface sate mighty +mists, which grouped themselves into arches and long cathedral aisles. Down +one of these, with the fiery pace of a quarrel from a cross-bow, ran a +frigate right athwart our course. "Are they mad?" some voice exclaimed from +our deck. "Are they blind? Do they woo their ruin?" But in a moment, as she +was close upon us, some impulse of a heady current or sudden vortex gave a +wheeling bias to her course, and off she forged without a shock. As she ran +past us, high aloft amongst the shrouds stood the lady of the pinnace. The +deeps opened ahead in malice to receive her, towering surges of foam ran +after her, the billows were fierce to catch her. But far away she was borne +into desert spaces of the sea: whilst still by sight I followed her, as she +ran before the howling gale, chased by angry sea-birds and by maddening +billows; still I saw her, as at the moment when she ran past us, amongst +the shrouds, with her white draperies streaming before the wind. There +she stood with hair dishevelled, one hand clutched amongst the +tackling--rising, sinking, fluttering, trembling, praying--there for +leagues I saw her as she stood, raising at intervals one hand to heaven, +amidst the fiery crests of the pursuing waves and the raving of the storm; +until at last, upon a sound from afar of malicious laughter and mockery, +all was hidden for ever in driving showers; and afterwards, but when I know +not, and how I know not. + + +3. + +Sweet funeral bells from some incalculable distance, wailing over the dead +that die before the dawn, awakened me as I slept in a boat moored to some +familiar shore. The morning twilight even then was breaking; and, by the +dusky revelations which it spread, I saw a girl adorned with a garland +of white roses about her head for some great festival, running along the +solitary strand with extremity of haste. Her running was the running of +panic; and often she looked back as to some dreadful enemy in the rear. But +when I leaped ashore, and followed on her steps to warn her of a peril in +front, alas! from me she fled as from another peril; and vainly I shouted +to her of quicksands that lay ahead. Faster and faster she ran; round a +promontory of rocks she wheeled out of sight; in an instant I also wheeled +round it, but only to see the treacherous sands gathering above her head. +Already her person was buried; only the fair young head and the diadem of +white roses around it were still visible to the pitying heavens; and, last +of all, was visible one marble arm. I saw by the early twilight this fair +young head, as it was sinking down to darkness--saw this marble arm, as it +rose above her head and her treacherous grave, tossing, faultering, +rising, clutching as at some false deceiving hand stretched out from the +clouds--saw this marble arm uttering her dying hope, and then her dying +despair. The head, the diadem, the arm,--these all had sunk; at last over +these also the cruel quicksand had closed; and no memorial of the fair +young girl remained on earth, except my own solitary tears, and the funeral +bells from the desert seas, that, rising again more softly, sang a requiem +over the grave of the buried child, and over her blighted dawn. + +I sate, and wept in secret the tears that men have ever given to the memory +of those that died before the dawn, and by the treachery of earth, our +mother. But the tears and funeral bells were hushed suddenly by a shout +as of many nations, and by a roar as from some great king's artillery +advancing rapidly along the valleys, and heard afar by its echoes among +the mountains. "Hush!" I said, as I bent my ear earthwards to +listen--"hush!--this either is the very anarchy of strife, or else"--and +then I listened more profoundly, and said as I raised my head--"or else, oh +heavens! it is _victory_ that swallows up all strife." + + +4. + +Immediately, in trance, I was carried over land and sea to some distant +kingdom, and placed upon a triumphal car, amongst companions crowned with +laurel. The darkness of gathering midnight, brooding over all the land, hid +from us the mighty crowds that were weaving restlessly about our carriage +as a centre--we heard them, but we saw them not. Tidings had arrived, +within an hour, of a grandeur that measured itself against centuries; too +full of pathos they were, too full of joy that acknowledged no fountain +but God, to utter themselves by other language than by tears, by restles +anthems, by reverberations rising from every choir, of the _Gloria in +excelsis_. These tidings we that sate upon the laurelled car had it for our +privilege to publish amongst all nations. And already, by signs audible +through the darkness, by snortings and tramplings, our angry horses, that +knew no fear of fleshly weariness, upbraided us with delay. Wherefore _was_ +it that we delayed? We waited for a secret word, that should bear witness +to the hope of nations, as now accomplished for ever. At midnight the +secret word arrived; which word was--Waterloo and Recovered Christendom! +The dreadful word shone by its own light; before us it went; high above our +leaders' heads it rode, and spread a golden light over the paths which we +traversed. Every city, at the presence of the secret word, threw open its +gates to receive us. The rivers were silent as we crossed. All the infinite +forests, as we ran along their margins, shivered in homage to the secret +word. And the darkness comprehended it. + +Two hours after midnight we reached a mighty minster. Its gates, which rose +to the clouds, were closed. But when the dreadful word, that rode before +us, reached them with its golden light, silently they moved back upon their +hinges; and at a flying gallop our equipage entered the grand aisle of the +cathedral. Headlong was our pace; and at every altar, in the little chapels +and oratories to the right hand and left of our course, the lamps, dying or +sickening, kindled anew in sympathy with the secret word that was flying +past. Forty leagues we might have run in the cathedral, and as yet no +strength of morning light had reached us, when we saw before us the aërial +galleries of the organ and the choir. Every pinnacle of the fretwork, every +station of advantage amongst the traceries, was crested by white-robed +choristers, that sang deliverance; that wept no more tears, as once their +fathers had wept; but at intervals that sang together to the generations, +saying-- + + "Chaunt the deliverer's praise in every tongue," + +and receiving answers from afar, + + --"such as once in heaven and earth were sung." + +And of their chaunting was no end; of our headlong pace was neither pause +nor remission. + +Thus, as we ran like torrents--thus, as we swept with bridal rapture over +the Campo Santo[1] of the cathedral graves--suddenly we became aware of +a vast necropolis rising upon the far-off horizon--a city of sepulchres, +built within the saintly cathedral for the warrior dead that rested from +their feuds on earth. Of purple granite was the necropolis; yet, in the +first minute, it lay like a purple stain upon the horizon--so mighty was +the distance. In the second minute it trembled through many changes, +growing into terraces and towers of wondrous altitude, so mighty was the +pace. In the third minute already, with our dreadful gallop, we were +entering its suburbs. Vast sarcophagi rose on every side, having towers and +turrets that, upon the limits of the central aisle, strode forward with +haughty intrusion, that ran back with mighty shadows into answering +recesses. Every sarcophagus showed many bas-reliefs--bas-reliefs of +battles--bas-reliefs of battle-fields; of battles from forgotten ages--of +battles from yesterday--of battle-fields that, long since, nature had +healed and reconciled to herself with the sweet oblivion of flowers--of +battle-fields that were yet angry and crimson with carnage. Where the +terraces ran, there did _we_ run; where the towers curved, there did _we_ +curve. With the flight of swallows our horses swept round every angle. Like +rivers in flood, wheeling round headlands; like hurricanes that side +into the secrets of forests; faster than ever light unwove the mazes of +darkness, our flying equipage carried earthly passions--kindled warrior +instincts--amongst the dust that lay around us; dust oftentimes of our +noble fathers that had slept in God from Créci to Trafalgar. And now had we +reached the last sarcophagus, now were we abreast of the last bas-relief, +already had we recovered the arrow-like flight of the illimitable central +aisle, when coming up this aisle to meet us we beheld a female infant that +rode in a carriage as frail as flowers. The mists, which went before her, +hid the fawns that drew her, but could not hide the shells and tropic +flowers with which she played--but could not hide the lovely smiles by +which she uttered her trust in the mighty cathedral, and in the cherubim +that looked down upon her from the topmast shafts of its pillars. Face to +face she was meeting us; face to face she rode, as if danger there were +none. "Oh, baby!" I exclaimed, "shalt thou be the ransom for Waterloo? Must +we, that carry tidings of great joy to every people, be messengers of ruin +to thee?" In horror I rose at the thought; but then also, in horror at the +thought, rose one that was sculptured on the bas-relief--a dying trumpeter. +Solemnly from the field of battle he rose to his feet; and, unslinging +his stony trumpet, carried it, in his dying anguish, to his stony +lips--sounding once, and yet once again; proclamation that, in _thy_ ears, +oh baby! must have spoken from the battlements of death. Immediately deep +shadows fell between us, and aboriginal silence. The choir had ceased to +sing. The hoofs of our horses, the rattling of our harness, alarmed the +graves no more. By horror the bas-relief had been unlocked into life. By +horror we, that were so full of life, we men and our horses, with their +fiery fore-legs rising in mid air to their everlasting gallop, were frozen +to a bas-relief. Then a third time the trumpet sounded; the seals were +taken off all pulses; life, and the frenzy of life, tore into their +channels again; again the choir burst forth in sunny grandeur, as from +the muffling of storms and darkness; again the thunderings of our horses +carried temptation into the graves. One cry burst from our lips as the +clouds, drawing off from the aisle, showed it empty before us--"Whither has +the infant fled?--is the young child caught up to God?" Lo! afar off, in a +vast recess, rose three mighty windows to the clouds: and on a level with +their summits, at height insuperable to man, rose an altar of purest +alabaster. On its eastern face was trembling a crimson glory. Whence came +_that_? Was it from the reddening dawn that now streamed _through_ the +windows? Was it from the crimson robes of the martyrs that were painted +_on_ the windows? Was it from the bloody bas-reliefs of earth? Whencesoever +it were--there, within that crimson radiance, suddenly appeared a female +head, and then a female figure. It was the child--now grown up to woman's +height. Clinging to the horns of the altar, there she stood--sinking, +rising, trembling, fainting--raving, despairing; and behind the volume of +incense that, night and day, streamed upwards from the altar, was seen the +fiery font, and dimly was descried the outline of the dreadful being that +should baptize her with the baptism of death. But by her side was kneeling +her better angel, that hid his face with wings; that wept and pleaded for +_her_; that prayed when _she_ could _not_; that fought with heaven by tears +for _her_ deliverance; which also, as he raised his immortal countenance +from his wings, I saw, by the glory in his eye, that he had won at last. + +[Footnote 1: _Campo Santo_.--It is probable that most of my readers will be +acquainted with the history of the Campo Santo at Pisa--composed of earth +brought from Jerusalem for a bed of sanctity, as the highest prize which +the noble piety of crusaders could ask or imagine. There is another Campo +Santo at Naples, formed, however, (I presume,) on the example given by +Pisa. Possibly the idea may have been more extensively copied. To readers +who are unacquainted with England, or who (being English) are yet +unacquainted with the cathedral cities of England, it may be right to +mention that the graves within-side the cathedrals often form a flat +pavement over which carriages and horses might roll; and perhaps a boyish +remembrance of one particular cathedral, across which I had seen passengers +walk and burdens carried, may have assisted my dream.] + + +5. + +Then rose the agitation, spreading through the infinite cathedral, to its +agony; then was completed the passion of the mighty fugue. The golden +tubes of the organ, which as yet had but sobbed and muttered at +intervals--gleaming amongst clouds and surges of incense--threw up, as +from fountains unfathomable, columns of heart-shattering music. Choir +and anti-choir were filling fast with unknown voices. Thou also, Dying +Trumpeter!--with thy love that was victorious, and thy anguish that was +finishing, didst enter the tumult: trumpet and echo--farewell love, and +farewell anguish--rang through the dreadful _sanctus_. We, that spread +flight before us, heard the tumult, as of flight, mustering behind us. In +fear we looked round for the unknown steps that, in flight or in pursuit, +were gathering upon our own. Who were these that followed? The faces, which +no man could count--whence were _they_? "Oh, darkness of the grave!" I +exclaimed, "that from the crimson altar and from the fiery font wert +visited with secret light--that wert searched by the effulgence in the +angel's eye--were these indeed thy children? Pomps of life, that, from the +burials of centuries, rose again to the voice of perfect joy, could it be +_ye_ that had wrapped me in the reflux of panic?" What ailed me, that I +should fear when the triumphs of earth were advancing? Ah! Pariah heart +within me, that couldst never hear the sound of joy without sullen whispers +of treachery in ambush; that, from six years old, didst never hear the +promise of perfect love, without seeing aloft amongst the stars fingers +as of a man's hand, writing the secret legend--"_Ashes to ashes, dust to +dust_!"--wherefore shouldst _thou_ not fear, though all men should rejoice? +Lo! as I looked back for seventy leagues through the mighty cathedral, and +saw the quick and the dead that sang together to God, together that sang +to the generations of man--ah! raving, as of torrents that opened on every +side: trepidation, as of female and infant steps that fled--ah! rushing, +as of wings that chase! But I heard a voice from heaven, which said--"Let +there be no reflux of panic--let there be no more fear, and no more sudden +death! Cover them with joy as the tides cover the shore!" _That_ heard the +children of the choir, _that_ heard the children of the grave. All the +hosts of jubilation made ready to move. Like armies that ride in pursuit, +they moved with one step. Us, that, with laurelled heads, were passing from +the cathedral through its eastern gates, they overtook, and, as with a +garment, they wrapped us round with thunders that overpowered our own. +As brothers we moved together; to the skies we rose--to the dawn that +advanced--to the stars that fled; rendering thanks to God in the +highest--that, having hid his face through one generation behind thick +clouds of War, once again was ascending--was ascending from Waterloo--in +the visions of Peace; rendering thanks for thee, young girl! whom having +overshadowed with his ineffable passion of death--suddenly did God relent; +suffered thy angel to turn aside his arm; and even in thee, sister unknown! +shown to me for a moment only to be hidden for ever, found an occasion to +glorify his goodness. A thousand times, amongst the phantoms of sleep, has +he shown thee to me, standing before the golden dawn, and ready to enter +its gates--with the dreadful word going before thee--with the armies of the +grave behind thee; shown thee to me, sinking, rising, fluttering, fainting, +but then suddenly reconciled, adoring: a thousand times has he followed +thee in the worlds of sleep--through storms; through desert seas; through +the darkness of quicksands; through fugues and the persecution of fugues; +through dreams, and the dreadful resurrections that are in dreams--only +that at the last, with one motion of his victorious arm, he might record +and emblazon the endless resurrections of his love! + + + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED. + + +Great misconceptions have always prevailed about the Roman _dinner_. +Dinner [_coena_] was the only meal which the Romans as a nation took. It +was no accident, but arose out of their whole social economy. This we shall +show by running through the history of a Roman day. _Ridentem dicere, verum +quid vetat_? And the course of this review will expose one or two important +truths in ancient political economy, which have been wholly overlooked. + +With the lark it was that the Roman rose. Not that the earliest lark rises +so early in Latium as the earliest lark in England; that is, during summer: +but then, on the other hand, neither does it ever rise so late. The Roman +citizen was stirring with the dawn--which, allowing for the shorter +longest-day and longer shortest-day of Rome, you may call about four in +summer--about seven in winter. Why did he do this? Because he went to bed +at a very early hour. But why did he do that? By backing in this way, we +shall surely back into the very well of truth: always, if it is possible, +let us have the _pourquoi_ of the _pourquoi_. The Roman went to bed early +for two special reasons. 1st, Because in Rome, which had been built for a +martial destiny, every habit of life had reference to the usages of war. +Every citizen, if he were not a mere proletarian animal kept at the public +cost, held himself a sort of soldier-elect: the more noble he was, the +more was his liability to military service: in short, all Rome, and at all +times, was consciously "in procinct."[1] Now it was a principle of ancient +warfare, that every hour of daylight had a triple worth, if valued +against hours of darkness. That was one reason--a reason suggested by the +understanding. But there was a second reason, far more remarkable; and this +was a reason dictated by a blind necessity. It is an important fact, that +this planet on which we live, this little industrious earth of ours, has +developed her wealth by slow stages of increase. She was far from being the +rich little globe in Cæsar's days that she is at present. The earth in our +days is incalculably richer, as a whole, than in the time of Charlemagne: +at that time she was richer, by many a million of acres, than in the era +of Augustus. In that Augustan era we descry a clear belt of cultivation, +averaging about six hundred miles in depth, running in a ring-fence about +the Mediterranean. This belt, _and no more_, was in decent cultivation. +Beyond that belt, there was only a wild Indian cultivation. At present +what a difference! We have that very belt, but much richer, all things +considered _æquatis æquandis_, than in the Roman era. The reader must not +look to single cases, as that of Egypt or other parts of Africa, but take +the whole collectively. On that scheme of valuation, we have the old Roman +belt, the Mediterranean riband not much tarnished, and we have all the +rest of Europe to boot--or, speaking in scholar's language, as a _lucro +ponamus_. We say nothing of remoter gains. Such being the case, our mother, +the earth, being (as a whole) so incomparably poorer, could not in the +Pagan era support the expense of maintaining great empires in cold +latitudes. Her purse would not reach that cost. Wherever she undertook in +those early ages to rear man in great abundance, it must be where nature +would consent to work in partnership with herself; where _warmth_ was to +be had for nothing; where _clothes_ were not so entirely indispensable but +that a ragged fellow might still keep himself warm; where slight _shelter_ +might serve; and where the _soil_, if not absolutely richer in reversionary +wealth, was more easily cultured. Nature must come forward liberally, and +take a number of shares in every new joint-stock concern before it could +move. Man, therefore, went to bed early in those ages, simply because his +worthy mother earth could not afford him candles. She, good old lady, (or +good young lady, for geologists know not[2] whether she is in that stage +of her progress which corresponds to gray hairs, or to infancy, or to "a +_certain_ age,")--she, good lady, would certainly have shuddered to hear +any of her nations asking for candles. "Candles!" She would have said, "Who +ever heard of such a thing? and with so much excellent daylight running to +waste, as I have provided _gratis_! What will the wretches want next?" + +The daylight, furnished _gratis_, was certainly "neat," and "undeniable" +in its quality, and quite sufficient for all purposes that were honest. +Seneca, even in his own luxurious period, called those men "_lucifugæ_," +and by other ugly names, who lived chiefly by candle-light. None but rich +and luxurious men, nay, even amongst these, none but idlers _did_ live much +by candle-light. An immense majority of men in Rome never lighted a candle, +unless sometimes in the early dawn. And this custom of Rome was the custom +also of all nations that lived round the great pond of the Mediterranean. +In Athens, Egypt, Palestine, Asia Minor, everywhere, the ancients went to +bed, like good boys, from seven to nine o'clock.[3] The Turks and other +people, who have succeeded to the stations and the habits of the ancients, +do so at this day. + +The Roman, therefore, who saw no joke in sitting round a table in the dark, +went off to bed as the darkness began. Everybody did so. Old Numa Pompilius +himself, was obliged to trundle off in the dusk. Tarquinius might be a very +superb fellow; but we doubt whether he ever saw a farthing rushlight. And, +though it may be thought that plots and conspiracies would flourish in +such a city of darkness, it is to be considered, that the conspirators +themselves had no more candles than honest men: both parties were in the +dark. + +Being up then, and stirring not long after the lark, what mischief did the +Roman go about first? Now-a-days, he would have taken a pipe or a cigar. +But, alas for the ignorance of the poor heathen creatures! they had neither +one nor the other. In this point, we must tax our mother earth with +being really _too_ stingy. In the case of the candles, we approve of her +parsimony. Much mischief is brewed by candle-light. But, it was coming it +too strong to allow no tobacco. Many a wild fellow in Rome, your Gracchi, +Syllas, Catilines, would not have played "h---- and Tommy" in the way they +did, if they could have soothed their angry stomachs with a cigar--a pipe +has intercepted many an evil scheme. But the thing is past helping now. At +Rome, you must do as "they does" at Rome. So, after shaving, (supposing the +age of the _Barbati_ to be passed), what is the first business that our +Roman will undertake? Forty to one he is a poor man, born to look upwards +to his fellow-men--and not to look down upon anybody but slaves. He goes, +therefore, to the palace of some grandee, some top-sawyer of the Senatorian +order. This great man, for all his greatness, has turned out even sooner +than himself. For he also has had no candles and no cigars; and he well +knows, that before the sun looks into his portals, all his halls will be +overflowing and buzzing with the matin susurrus of courtiers--the "mane +salutantes."[4] it is as much as his popularity is worth to absent himself, +or to keep people waiting. But surely, the reader may think, this poor man +he might keep waiting. No, he might not; for, though poor, being a citizen, +he is a gentleman. That was the consequence of keeping slaves. Wherever +there is a class of slaves, he that enjoys the _jus suffragii_ (no +matter how poor) is a gentleman. The true Latin word for a gentleman is +_ingentius_--a freeman and the son of a freeman. + +Yet even here there _were_ distinctions. Under the Emperors, the courtiers +were divided into two classes: with respect to the superior class, it was +said of the sovereign--that he _saw_ them, (_videbat_;) with respect to the +other--that he _was seen_, ("_videbatur_.") Even Plutarch mentions it as +a common boast in his times, [Greek: aemas eiden ho basileus]--_Cæsar is +in the habit of seeing me_; or, as a common plea for evading a suit, +[Greek: ora mallon]--_I am sorry to say he is more inclined to look upon +others_. And this usage derived itself (mark that well!) from the +_republican_ era. The aulic spirit was propagated by the Empire, but from +a republican root. + +Having paid his court, you will suppose that our friend comes home to +breakfast. Not at all: no such discovery as "breakfast" had then been made: +breakfast was not invented for many centuries after that. We have always +admired, and always shall admire, as the very best of all human stories, +Charles Lamb's account of the origin of _roast pig_ in China. Ching Ping, +it seems, had suffered his father's house to be burned down; the outhouses +were burned along with the house; and in one of these the pigs, by +accident, were roasted to a turn. Memorable were the results for all future +China and future civilization. Ping, who (like all China beside) had +hitherto eaten his pig raw, now for the first time tasted it in a state +of torrefaction. Of course he made his peace with his father by a part +(tradition says a leg) of the new dish. The father was so astounded with +the discovery, that he burned his house down once a year for the sake of +coming at an annual banquet of roast pig. A curious prying sort of fellow, +one Chang Pang, got to know of this. He also burned down a house with a +pig in it, and had his eyes opened. The secret was ill kept--the discovery +spread--many great conversions were made--houses were blazing in every part +of the Celestial Empire. The insurance offices took the matter up. +One Chong Pong, detected in the very act of shutting up a pig in his +drawing-room, and then firing a train, was indicted on a charge of arson. +The chief justice of Pekin, on that occasion, requested an officer of the +court to hand him a piece of the roast pig, the _corpus delicti_, for pure +curiosity led him to taste; but within two days after it was observed that +his lordship's town-house was burned down. In short, all China apostatized +to the new faith; and it was not until some centuries had passed, that a +great genius arose, who established the second era in the history of roast +pig, by showing that it could be had without burning down a house. + +No such genius had yet arisen in Rome. Breakfast was not suspected. No +prophecy, no type of breakfast had been published. In fact, it took as much +time and research to arrive at that great discovery as at the Copernican +system. True it is, reader, that you have heard of such a word as +_jentaculum_; and your dictionary translates that old heathen word by +the Christian word _breakfast_. But dictionaries, one and all, are dull +deceivers. Between _jentaculum_ and _breakfast_ the differences are as wide +as between a horse-chestnut and chestnut horse; differences in the _time +when_, in the _place where_, in the _manner how_, but preeminently in the +_thing which_. + +Galen is a good authority upon such a subject, since, if (like other +pagans) he ate no breakfast himself, in some sense he may be called the +cause of breakfast to other men, by treating of those things which could +safely be taken upon an empty stomach. As to the time, he (like many other +authors) says, [peri tritaen, ae (to makroteron) peri tetartaen,] +about the third, or at farthest about the fourth hour: and so exact is he, +that he assumes the day to lie exactly between six and six o'clock, and to +be divided into thirteen equal portions. So the time will be a few minutes +before nine, or a few minutes before ten, in the forenoon. That seems fair +enough. But it is not time in respect to its location that we are so +much concerned with, as time in respect to its duration. Now, heaps of +authorities take it for granted, that you are not to sit down--you are to +stand; and, as to the place, that any place will do--"any corner of the +forum," says Galen, "any corner that you fancy;" which is like referring a +man for his _salle à manger_ to Westminster Hall or Fleet Street. Augustus, +in a letter still surviving, tells us that he _jentabat_, or took his +_jentaculum_ in his carriage; now in a wheel carriage, (_in essedo_,) now +in a litter or palanquin (_in lecticâ_.) This careless and disorderly +way as to time and place, and other circumstances of haste, sufficiently +indicate the quality of the meal you are to expect. Already you are +"sagacious of your quarry from so far." Not that we would presume, +excellent reader, to liken you to Death, or to insinuate that you are +"a grim feature." But would it not make a saint "grim," to hear of such +preparations for the morning meal? And then to hear of such consummations +as _panis siccus_, dry bread; or, (if the learned reader thinks it will +taste better in Greek,) [Greek: artos xaeros!] And what may this word +_dry_ happen to mean? "Does it mean stale bread?" says Salmasius. "Shall +we suppose," says he, in querulous words, "_molli et recenti opponi_," and +from that antithesis conclude it to be, "_durum et non recens coctum, eoque +sicciorem_?" Hard and stale, and for that reason the more arid! Not quite +so bad as that, we hope. Or again--"_siccum pro biscocto, ut hodie vocamus, +sumemus_?"[5] By _hodie_ Salmasius means, amongst his countrymen of France, +where _biscoctus_ is verbatim reproduced in the word _bis_ (twice) _cuit_, +(baked;) whence our own _biscuit_. Biscuit might do very well, could we be +sure that it was cabin biscuit: but Salmasius argues--that in this case he +takes it to mean "_buccellatum, qui est panis nauticus_;" that is, the ship +company's biscuit, broken with a sledge-hammer. In Greek, for the benefit +again of the learned reader, it is termed [Greek: dipuros], indicating +that it has passed twice under the action of fire. + +"Well," you say, "No matter if it had passed fifty times--and through the +fires of Moloch; only let us have this biscuit, such as it is." In good +faith, then, fasting reader, you are not likely to see much more than you +_have_ seen. It is a very Barmecide feast, we do assure you--this same +"jentaculum;" at which abstinence and patience are much more exercised than +the teeth: faith and hope are the chief graces cultivated, together with +that species of the _magnificum_ which is founded on the _ignotum_. Even +this biscuit was allowed in the most limited quantities; for which reason +it is that the Greeks called this apology for a a meal by the name +of [Greek: bouchismos], a word formed (as many words were in the +Post-Augustan ages) from a Latin word--viz., _buccea_, a mouthful; not +literally such, but so much as a polished man could allow himself to put +into his mouth at once. "We took a mouthful," says Sir William Waller, the +Parliamentary general, "took a mouthful; paid our reckoning; mounted; +and were off." But there Sir William means, by his plausible "mouthful," +something very much beyond either nine or nineteen ordinary quantities of +that denomination, whereas the Roman "jentaculum" was literally such; and, +accordingly, one of the varieties under which the ancient vocabularies +express this model of evanescent quantities is _gustatio_, a mere tasting; +and again it is called by another variety, _gustus_, a mere taste: [whence +by the usual suppression of the _s_, comes the French word for a collation +or luncheon, viz. _gouter_] Speaking of his uncle, Pliny the Younger +says--"Post solem plerumque lavabatur; deinde gustabat; dormiebat minimum; +mox, quasi alio die, studebat in coenæ tempus". "After taking the air he +bathed; after that he broke his fast on a bit of biscuit, and took a +very slight _siesta_: which done, as if awaking to a new day, he set in +regularly to his studies, and pursued them to dinner-time." _Gustabat_ +here meant that nondescript meal which arose at Rome when _jentaculum_ and +_prandium_ were fused into one, and that only a _taste_ or mouthful of +biscuit, as we shall show farther on. + +Possibly, however, most excellent reader, like some epicurean traveller, +who, in crossing the Alps, finds himself weather-bound at St. Bernard's +on Ash-Wednesday, you surmise a remedy: you descry some opening from "the +loopholes of retreat," through which a few delicacies might be insinuated +to spread verdure on this arid desert of biscuit. Casuistry can do much. A +dead hand at casuistry has often proved more than a match for Lent with all +his quarantines. But sorry we are to say that, in this case, no relief is +hinted at in any ancient author. A grape or two, (not a bunch of grapes,) +a raisin or two, a date, an olive--these are the whole amount of relief[6] +which the chancery of the Roman kitchen granted in such cases. All things +here hang together, and prove each other; the time, the place, the mode, +the thing. Well might man eat standing, or eat in public, such a trifle +as this. Go home to such a breakfast as this! You would as soon think of +ordering a cloth to be laid in order to eat a peach, or of asking a friend +to join you in an orange. No man makes "two bites of a cherry." So let +us pass on to the other stages of the day. Only in taking leave of this +morning stage, throw your eyes back with us, Christian reader, upon this +truly heathen meal, fit for idolatrous dogs like your Greeks and your +Romans; survey, through the vista of ages, that thrice-cursed biscuit, with +half a fig, perhaps, by way of garnish, and a huge hammer by its side, to +secure the certainty of mastication, by previous comminution. Then turn +your eyes to a Christian breakfast--hot rolls, eggs, coffee, beef; but +down, down, rebellious visions: we need say no more! You, reader, like +ourselves, will breathe a malediction on the classical era, and thank your +stars for making you a Romanticist. Every morning we thank ours for keeping +us back, and reserving us to an age in which breakfast had been already +invented. In the words of Ovid we say:-- + +"Prisca juvent alios: ego me nunc denique natum Gratulor. Hæc ætas moribus +apta meis." + +Our friend, the Roman cit, has therefore thus far, in his progress through +life, obtained no breakfast, if he ever contemplated an idea so frantic. +But it occurs to you, our faithful reader, that perhaps he will not always +be thus unhappy. We could bring waggon-loads of sentiments, Greek as well +as Roman, which prove, more clearly than the most eminent pikestaff, that, +as the wheel of fortune revolves, simply out of the fact that it has +carried a man downwards, it must subsequently carry him upwards, no matter +what dislike that wheel, or any of its spokes, may bear to that man: "non, +si male nunc sit, et olim sic erit:" and that if a man, through the madness +of his nation, misses coffee and hot rolls at nine, he may easily run into +a leg of mutton at twelve. True it is he may do so: truth is commendable; +and we will not deny that a man may sometimes, by losing a breakfast, gain +a dinner. Such things have been in various ages, and will be again, but not +at Rome. There are reasons against it. We have heard of men who consider +life under the idea of a wilderness--dry as "a remainder biscuit after a +voyage:" and who consider a day under the idea of a little life. Life +is the macrocosm, or world at large; day is the microcosm, or world in +miniature. Consequently, if life is a wilderness, then day, as a little +life, is a little wilderness. And this wilderness can be safely traversed +only by having relays of fountains, or stages for refreshment. Such +stages, they conceive, are found in the several meals which Providence has +stationed at due intervals through the day, whenever the perverseness of +man does not break the chain, or derange the order of succession. + +These are the anchors by which man rides in that billowy ocean between +morning and night. The first anchor, viz., breakfast, having given way in +Rome, the more need there is that he should pull up by the second; and +that is often reputed to be dinner. And as your dictionary, good reader, +translated _breakfast_ by that vain word _jentaculum_, so, doubtless, it +will translate _dinner_ by that still vainer word _prandium_. Sincerely we +hope that your own dinner on this day, and through all time coming, may +have a better root in fact and substance than this most visionary of all +baseless things--the Roman _prandium_, of which we shall presently show you +that the most approved translation is _moonshine_. + +Reader, we are not jesting here. In the very spirit of serious truth, we +assure you, that the delusion about "jentaculum" is even exceeded by this +other delusion about "prandium." Salmasius himself, for whom a natural +prejudice of place and time partially obscured the truth, admits, however, +that _prandium_ was a meal which the ancients rarely took; his very words +are--"_raro prandebant veteres_." Now, judge for yourself of the good sense +which is shown in translating by the word _dinner_, which must of necessity +mean the chief meal--a Roman word which represents a fancy meal, a meal of +caprice, a meal which few people took. At this moment, what is the single +point of agreement between the noon meal of the English laborer and the +evening meal of the English gentleman? What is the single circumstance +common to both, which causes us to denominate them by the common name of +_dinner_? It is that in both we recognize the _principal_ meal of the +day, the meal upon which is thrown the _onus_ of the day's support. In +everything else they are as wide asunder as the poles; but they agree in +this one point of their function. Is it credible that, to represent such a +meal amongst ourselves, we select a Roman word so notoriously expressing a +mere shadow, a pure apology, that very few people ever tasted it--nobody +sate down to it--not many washed their hands after it, and gradually the +very name of it became interchangeable with another name, implying the +slightest possible act of trying or sipping? "_Post larationem sine mensâ +prandium_," says Seneca, "_post quod non sunt lavandæ manus_;" that is, +"after bathing, I take a _prandium_ without sitting down to table, and such +a _prandium_ as brings after itself no need of washing the hands." No; +moonshine as little soils the hands as it oppresses the stomach. + +Reader! we, as well as Pliny, had an uncle, an East Indian uncle; doubtless +you have such an uncle; everybody has an Indian uncle. Generally such a +person is "rather yellow, rather yellow," [to quote Canning _versus_ Lord +Durham:] that is the chief fault with his physics; but, as to his morals, +he is universally a man of princely aspirations and habits. He is not +always so orientally rich as he is reputed; but he is always orientally +munificent. Call upon him at any hour from two to five, he insists on your +taking _tiffin_: and such a tiffin! The English corresponding term is +luncheon: but how meagre a shadow is the European meal to its glowing +Asiatic cousin! Still, gloriously as tiffin shines, does anybody imagine +that it is a vicarious dinner, or ever meant to be the substitute of +dinner? Wait till eight, and you will have your eyes opened on that +subject. So of the Roman _prandium_: had it been as luxurious as it was +simple, still it was always viewed as something meant only to stay the +stomach, as a prologue to something beyond. The _prandium_ was far enough +from giving the feeblest idea of the English luncheon; yet it stood in the +same relation to the Roman day. Now to English_men_ that meal scarcely +exists; and were it not for women, whose delicacy of organization does +not allow them to fast so long as men, would probably be abolished. It is +singular in this, as in other points, how nearly England and ancient Rome +approximate. We all know how hard it is to tempt a man generally into +spoiling his appetite, by eating before dinner. The same dislike of +violating what they called the integrity of the appetite, [_integram +famem_,] existed at Rome. Every man who knows anything of Latin critically, +sees the connection of the word _integer_ with _in_ and _tetigi_: _integer_ +means what is _intact_, unviolated by touch. Cicero, when protesting +against spoiling his appetite for dinner, by tasting anything beforehand, +says, _integram famem ad coenam afferam_; I shall bring to dinner an +appetite untampered with. Nay, so much stress did the Romans lay on +maintaining this primitive state of the appetite undisturbed, that any +prelusions with either _jentaculum_ or _prandium_ were said, by a very +strong phrase indeed, _polluere famem_, to pollute the sanctity of the +appetite. The appetite was regarded as a holy vestal flame, soaring upwards +towards dinner throughout the day: if undebauched, it tended to its natural +consummation in _coena_: expired like a phoenix, to rise again out of its +own ashes. On this theory, to which language had accommodated itself, the +two prelusive meals of nine o'clock, A.M., and of one, P.M., so far from +being ratified by the public sense, and adopted into the economy of the +day, were regarded gloomily as gross irregularities, enormities, debauchers +of the natural instinct; and, in so far as they thwarted that instinct, +lessened it, or depraved it, were universally held to be full of pollution; +and, finally, to _profane_ a motion of nature. Such was the language. + +But we guess what is passing in the reader's mind. He thinks that all this +proves the _prandium_ to have been a meal of little account; and in very +many cases absolutely unknown. But still he thinks all this might happen to +the English dinner--_that_ might be neglected; supper might be generally +preferred; and, nevertheless, dinner would be as truly entitled to the name +of dinner as before. Many a student neglects his dinner; enthusiasm in any +pursuit must often have extinguished appetite for all of us. Many a time +and oft did this happen to Sir Isaac Newton. Evidence is on record, that +such a deponent at eight o'clock, A.M., found Sir Isaac with one stocking +on, one off; at two, said deponent called him to dinner. Being interrogated +whether Sir Isaac had pulled on the _minus_ stocking, or gartered the +_plus_ stocking, witness replied that he had not. Being asked if Sir Isaac +came to dinner, replied that he did not. Being again asked, "At sunset, did +you look in on Sir Isaac?" Witness replied, "I did." "And now, upon your +conscience, sir, by the virtue of your oath, in what state were the +stockings?" _Ans. "In statu quo ante bellum_." It seems Sir Isaac had +fought through that whole battle of a long day, so trying a campaign to +many people--be had traversed that whole sandy Zaarah, without calling, or +needing to call at one of those fountains, stages, or _mansiones_,[7] by +which (according to our former explanation) Providence has relieved the +continuity of arid soil, which else disfigures that long dreary level. This +happens to all; but was dinner not dinner, and did supper become dinner, +because Sir Isaac Newton ate nothing at the first, and threw the whole +day's support upon the last? No, you will say, a rule is not defeated by +one casual deviation, nor by one person's constant deviation. Everybody +else was still dining at two, though Sir Isaac might not; and Sir Isaac +himself on most days no more deferred his dinner beyond two, than he sate +with one stocking off. But what if everybody, Sir Isaac included, had +deferred his substantial meal until night, and taken a slight refection +only at two? The question put does really represent the very case which has +happened with us in England. In 1700, a large part of London took a meal +at two, P.M., and another at seven or eight, P.M. In 1839, a large part +of London is still doing the very same thing, taking one meal at two, and +another at seven or eight. But the names are entirely changed: the two +o'clock meal used to be called _dinner_, and is now called _luncheon_; the +eight o'clock meal used to be called _supper_, and is now called _dinner_. + +Now the question is easily solved: because, upon reviewing the idea of +dinner, we soon perceive that time has little or no connection with it: +since, both in England and France, dinner has travelled, like the hand of a +clock, through _every_ hour between ten, A.M. and ten, P.M. We have a list, +well attested, of every successive hour between these limits having been +the known established hour for the royal dinner-table within the last three +hundred and fifty years. Time, therefore, vanishes from the equation: it is +a quantity as regularly exterminated as in any algebraic problem. The true +elements of the idea, are evidently these:--1. That dinner is that meal, no +matter when taken, which is the principal meal; _i.e._ the meal on which +the day's support is thrown. 2. That it is the meal of hospitality. 3. That +it is the meal (with reference to both Nos 1 and 2) in which animal food +predominates. 4. That it is that meal which, upon necessity arising for the +abolition of all _but_ one, would naturally offer itself as that one. Apply +these four tests to _prandium_:--How could that meal answer to the first +test, as _the day's support_, which few people touched? How could that meal +answer to the second test, as the _meal of hospitality_, at which nobody +sate down? How could that meal answer to the third test, as the meal of +animal food, which consisted exclusively and notoriously of bread? Or to +the fourth test, of the meal _entitled to survive the abolition of the +rest_, which was itself abolished at all times in practice? + +Tried, therefore, by every test, _prandium_ vanishes. But we have something +further to communicate about this same _prandium_. + +I. It came to pass, by a very natural association of feeling, that +_prandium_ and _jentuculum_, in the latter centuries of Rome, were +generally confounded. This result was inevitable. Both professed the +same basis Both came in the morning. Both were fictions. Hence they were +confounded. + +That fact speaks for itself,--breakfast and luncheon never could have been +confounded; but who would be at the pains of distinguishing two shadows? In +a gambling-house of that class, where you are at liberty to sit down to a +splendid banquet, anxiety probably prevents your sitting down at all; but, +if you do, the same cause prevents your noticing what you eat. So of the +two _pseudo_ meals of Rome, they came in the very midst of the Roman +business; viz. from nine, A.M. to two, P.M. Nobody could give his mind +to them, had they been of better quality. There lay one cause of their +vagueness, viz.--in their position. Another cause was, the common basis of +both. Bread was so notoriously the predominating "feature" in each of these +prelusive banquets, that all foreigners at Rome, who communicated with +Romans through the Greek language, knew both the one and the other by the +name of [Greek: artositos], or the _bread repast_. Originally this name +had been restricted to the earlier meal. But a distinction without a +difference could not sustain itself: and both alike disguised their +emptiness under this pompous quadrisyllable. In the identity of substance, +therefore, lay a second ground of confusion. And, then, thirdly, even as +to the time, which had ever been the sole real distinction, there arose +from accident a tendency to converge. For it happened that while some had +_jentaculum_ but no _prandium_, others had _prandium_ but no _jentaculum_; +a third party had both; a fourth party, by much the largest, had neither. +Out of which varieties (who would think that a nonentity could cut up +into so many somethings?) arose a fifth party of compromisers, who, +because they could not afford a regular _coena_, and yet were +hospitably disposed, fused the two ideas into one; and so, because the +usual time for the idea of a breakfast was nine to ten, and for the idea +of a luncheon twelve to one, compromised the rival pretensions by what +diplomatists call a _mezzo termine_; bisecting the time at eleven, and +melting the two ideas into one. But by thus merging the separate times +of each, they abolished the sole real difference that had ever divided +them. Losing that, they lost all. + +Perhaps, as two negatives make one affirmative, it may be thought that two +layers of moonshine might coalesce into one pancake; and two Barmecide +banquets might compose one poached egg. Of that the company were the best +judges. But probably, as a rump and dozen, in our land of wagers, is +construed with a very liberal latitude as to the materials, so Martial's +invitation, "to take bread with him at eleven," might be understood by the +[Greek: sunetoi] as significant of something better than +[Greek: artositos]. Otherwise, in good truth, "moonshine and turn-out" +at eleven, A.M., would be even worse than "tea and turn-out" at eight, +P.M., which the "fervida juventus" of young England so loudly detests. But +however that might be, in this convergement of the several frontiers, and +the confusion that ensued, one cannot wonder that, whilst the two bladders +collapsed into one idea, they actually expanded into four names, two Latin +and two Greek, _gustus_ and _gustatio_, [Greek: geusis], and +[Greek: geusma], which all alike express the merely tentative or +exploratory act of a _prægustator_ or professional "taster" in a +king's household: what, if applied to a fluid, we should denominate +sipping. + +At last, by so many steps all in one direction, things had come to such +a pass--the two prelusive meals of the Roman morning, each for itself +separately vague from the beginning, had so communicated and interfused +their several and joint vaguenesses, that at last no man knew or cared to +know what any other man included in his idea of either; how much or how +little. And you might as well have hunted in the woods of Ethiopia for +Prester John, or fixed the parish of the everlasting Jew,[8] as have +attempted to say what "jentaculum" might be, or what "prandium." Only one +thing was clear--what they were _not_. Neither was or wished to be anything +that people cared for. They were both empty shadows; but shadows as they +were, we find from Cicero that they had a power of polluting and profaning +better things than themselves. + +We presume that no rational man will henceforth look for "dinner"--that +great idea according to Dr. Johnson--that sacred idea according to +Cicero--in a bag of moonshine on one side, or a bag of pollution on +the other. _Prandium_, so far from being what our foolish dictionaries +pretend--dinner itself--never in its palmiest days was more or other than +a miserable attempt at being _luncheon_. It was a _conatus_, what +physiologists call a _nisus_, a struggle in a very ambitious spark, +or _scintilla_, to kindle into a fire. This _nisus_ went on for some +centuries; but finally issued in smoke. If _prandium_ had worked out his +ambition, had "the great stream of tendency" accomplished all his wishes, +_prandium_ never could have been more than a very indifferent luncheon. But +now, + +II. We have to offer another fact, ruinous to our dictionaries on another +ground. Various circumstances have disguised the truth, but a truth it is, +that "prandium", in its very origin and _incunabula_, never was a meal +known to the Roman _culina_. In that court it was never recognized except +as an alien. It had no original domicile in the city of Rome. It was a _vot +casfren-sis_, a word and an idea purely martial, and pointing to martial +necessities. Amongst the new ideas proclaimed to the recruit, this was +one--"Look for no '_coenu_', no regular dinner, with us. Resign these +unwarlike notions. It is true that even war has its respites; in these +it would be possible to have our Roman _coena_ with all its equipage of +ministrations. Such luxury untunes the mind for doing and suffering. Let us +voluntarily renounce it; that when a necessity of renouncing it arrives, we +may not feel it among the hardships of war. From the day when you enter the +gates of the camp, reconcile yourself, tyro, to a new fashion of meal, to +what in camp dialect we call _prandium_." This "prandium," this essentially +military meal, was taken standing, by way of symbolizing the necessity of +being always ready for the enemy. Hence the posture in which it was taken +at Rome, the very counter-pole to the luxurious posture of dinner. A writer +of the third century, a period from which the Romans naturally looked back +upon everything connected with their own early habits, and with the same +kind of interest as we extend to our Alfred, (separated from us as Romulus +from them by just a thousand years,) in speaking of _prandium_, says, "Quod +dictum est _parandium_, ab eo quod milites ad bellum _paret_." Isidorus +again says, "Proprie apud veteres prandium vocatum fuisse oinnem militum +cibum ante pugnam;" i.e. "that, properly speaking, amongst our ancestors +every military meal taken before battle was termed _prandium_." According +to Isidore, the proposition is reciprocating, viz., that, as every +_prandium_ was a military meal, so every military meal was called +_prandium_. But, in fact, the reason of that is apparent. Whether in the +camp or the city, the early Romans had probably but one meal in a day. That +is true of many a man amongst ourselves by choice; it is true also, to our +knowledge, of some horse regiments in our service, and may be of all. This +meal was called _coena_, or dinner in the city--_prandium_ in camps. In the +city it would always be tending to one fixed hour. In the camp innumerable +accidents of war would make it very uncertain. On this account it would +be an established rule to celebrate the daily meal at noon, if nothing +hindered; not that a later hour would not have been preferred had the +choice been free; but it was better to have a certainty at a bad hour, than +by waiting for a better hour to make it an uncertainty. For it was a camp +proverb--_Pransus, paratus_; armed with his daily meal, the soldier +is ready for service. It was not, however, that all meals, as Isidore +imagined, were indiscriminately called _prandium_; but that the one sole +meal of the day, by accidents of war, might, and did, revolve through all +hours of the day. + +The first introduction of this military meal into Rome itself, would be +through the honorable pedantry of old centurions, &c., delighting (like the +_Trunnions_, &c., of our navy) to keep up in peaceful life some image or +memorial of their past experience, so wild, so full of peril, excitement, +and romance, as Roman warfare must have been in those ages. Many +non-military people for health's sake, many as an excuse for eating early, +many by way of interposing some refreshment between the stages of forensic +business, would adopt this hurried and informal meal. Many would wish to +see their sons adopting such a meal as a training for foreign service in +particular, and for temperance in general. It would also be maintained by a +solemn and very interesting commemoration of this camp repast in Rome. + +This commemoration, because it has been grossly misunderstood by Salmasius, +(whose error arose from not marking the true point of a particular +antithesis,) and still more, because it is a distinct confirmation of all +we have said as to the military nature of _prandium_, we shall detach from +the series of our illustrations, by placing it in a separate paragraph. + +On a set day the officers of the army were invited by Cæsar to a banquet; +it was a circumstance expressly noticed in the invitation, by the proper +officers of the palace, that the banquet was not a "coena," but a +"prandium." What followed, in consequence? Why, that all the guests sate +down in full military accoutrement; whereas, observes the historian, had it +been a coena, the officers would have unbelted their swords; for, he adds, +even in Cæsar's presence the officers lay aside their swords. The word +_prandium_, in short, converted the palace into the imperial tent; and +Cæsar was no longer a civil emperor and _princeps senatûs_, but became a +commander-in-chief amongst a council of his staff, all belted and plumed, +and in full military fig. + +On this principle we come to understand why it is, that, whenever the Latin +poets speak of an army as taking food, the word used is always _prandens_ +and _pransus_; and, when the word used is _prandens_, then always it is an +army that is concerned. Thus Juvenal in a well-known satire-- + + ----"Credimus altos + Desiccasse amnes, epotaque ftumina, Medo _Prandente_." + +Not _coenante_, observe: you might as well talk of an army taking tea +and toast. Nor is that word ever applied to armies. It is true that the +converse is not so rigorously observed: nor ought it, from the explanations +already given. Though no soldier dined, (_coenabat_,) yet the citizen +sometimes adopted the camp usage and took a _prandium_. But generally the +poets use the word merely to mark the time of day. In that most humorous +appeal of Perseus--"Cur quis non prandeat, hoc est?" "Is this a sufficient +reason for losing one's _prandium_?" He was obliged to say _prandium_, +because no exhibitions ever could cause a man to lose his _coenia_, since +none were displayed at a time of day when anybody in Rome would have +attended. Just as, in alluding to a parliamentary speech notoriously +delivered at midnight, an English satirist must have said, Is this a speech +to furnish an argument for leaving one's bed?--not as what stood foremost +in his regard, but as the only thing that _could_ be lost at the time of +night. + +On this principle, also, viz. by going back to the military origin of +_prandium_, we gain the interpretation of all the peculiarities attached to +it; viz.--1, its early hour--2, its being taken in a standing posture--3, +in the open air--4, the humble quality of its materials--bread and biscuit, +(the main articles of military fare.) In all these circumstances of the +meal, we read, most legibly written, the exotic and military character of +the meal. + +Thus we have brought down our Roman friend to noonday, or even one hour +later than noon, and to this moment the poor man has had nothing to eat. +For, supposing him to be not _impransus_, and supposing him _jentâsse_ +beside; yet it is evident, (we hope,) that neither one nor the other means +more than what it was often called, viz. [Greek: Bouchismos], or, in +plain English, a mouthful. How long do we intend to keep him waiting? +Reader, he will dine at three, or (supposing dinner put off to the latest) +at four. Dinner was never known to be later than the tenth hour in Rome, +which in summer would be past five; but for a far greater proportion of +days would be near four in Rome, except for one or two of the emperors, +whom the mere business attached to their unhappy station kept sometimes +dinnerless till six. And so entirely was a Roman the creature of ceremony, +that a national mourning would probably have been celebrated, and the "sad +augurs" would have been called in to expiate the prodigy, had the general +dinner lingered beyond four. + +But, meantime, what has our friend been about since perhaps six or seven in +the morning? After paying his little homage to his _patronus_, in what +way has he fought with the great enemy Time since then? Why, reader, this +illustrates one of the most interesting features in the Roman character. +The Roman was the idlest of men. "Man and boy," he was "an idler in the +land." He called himself and his pals "rerum dominos, gentemque togatam;" +_the gentry that wore the toga_. Yes, and a pretty affair that "toga" was. +Just figure to yourself, reader, the picture of a hardworking man, with +horny hands like our hedgers, ditchers, weavers, porters, &c., setting to +work on the highroad in that vast sweeping toga, filling with a strong +gale like the mainsail of a frigate. Conceive the roars with which this +magnificent figure would be received into the bosom of a poor-house +detachment sent out to attack the stones on some new line of road, or a +fatigue party of dustmen sent upon secret service. Had there been nothing +left as a memorial of the Romans but that one relic--their immeasurable +toga,[9]--we should have known that they were born and bred to idleness. In +fact, except in war, the Roman never did anything at all but sun himself. +_Ut se apricaret_ was the final cause of peace in his opinion; in literal +truth, that he might make an _apricot_ of himself. The public rations at +all times supported the poorest inhabitant of Rome if he were a citizen. +Hence it was that Hadrian was so astonished with the spectacle of +Alexandria, "_civitas opulenta, fæcunda, in qua nemo vivat otiosus_." Here +first he saw the spectacle of a vast city, second only to Rome, where every +man had something to do; "_podagrosi quod agant habent; habent cæci quod +faciant; ne chiragrici_" (those with gout in the fingers) "_apud eos otiosi +vivunt_." No poor rates levied upon the rest of the world for the benefit +of their own paupers were there distributed _gratis_. The prodigious +spectacle (so it seemed to Hadrian) was exhibited in Alexandria, of all men +earning their bread in the sweat of their brow. In Rome only, (and at one +time in some of the Grecian states,) it was the very meaning of _citizen_ +that he could vote and be idle. + +In these circumstances, where the whole sum of life's duties amounted +to voting, all the business a man _could_ have was to attend the public +assemblies, electioneering, or factious. These, and any judicial trial +(public or private) that might happen to interest him for the persons +concerned, or for the questions, amused him through the morning; that +is, from eight till one. He might also extract some diversion from +the _columnæ_, or pillars of certain porticoes to which they pasted +advertisements. These _affiches_ must have been numerous; for all the girls +in Rome who lost a trinket, or a pet bird, or a lap-dog, took this mode of +angling in the great ocean of the public for the missing articles. + +But all this time we take for granted that there were no shows in a course +of exhibition, either the dreadful ones of the amphitheatre, or the +bloodless ones of the circus. If there were, then that became the business +of all Romans; and it was a business which would have occupied him from +daylight until the light began to fail. Here we see another effect from the +scarcity of artificial light amongst the ancients. These magnificent shows +went on by daylight. But how incomparably greater would have been the +splendor by lamp-light! What a gigantic conception! Eighty thousand human +faces all revealed under one blaze of lamp-light! Lord Bacon saw the mighty +advantage of candle-light for the pomps and glories of this world. But the +poverty of the earth was the ultimate cause that the Pagan shows proceeded +by day. Not that the masters of the world, who rained Arabian odors and +perfumed waters of the most costly description from a thousand fountains, +simply to cool the summer heats, would have regarded the expense of light; +cedar and other odorous woods burning upon vast altars, together with every +variety of fragrant torch, would have created light enough to shed a new +day over the distant Adriatic. + +However, as there are no public spectacles, we will suppose, and the courts +or political meetings, (if not closed altogether by superstition,) would at +any rate be closed in the ordinary course by twelve or one o'clock, nothing +remains for him to do, before returning home, except perhaps to attend the +_palæstra_, or some public recitation of a poem written by a friend, but in +any case to attend the public baths. For these the time varied; and many +people have thought it tyrannical in some of the Cæsars that they imposed +restraints on the time open for the baths; some, for instance, would not +suffer them to open at all before two, and in any case, if you were later +than four or five in summer, you would have to pay a fine which most +effectually cleaned out the baths of all raff, since it was a sum that +_John Quires_ could not have produced to save his life. But it should be +considered that the emperor was the steward of the public resources for +maintaining the baths in fuel, oil, attendance, repairs. We are prepared +to show, on a fitting occasion, that every fourth person[10] amongst the +citizens bathed daily, and non-citizens, of course, paid an _extra_ sum. +Now the population of Rome was far larger than has ever been hinted at +except by Lipsius. But certain it is, that during the long peace of the +first Cæsars, and after the _annonaria prorisio_, (that great pledge of +popularity to a Roman prince,) had been increased by the corn tribute from +the Nile, the Roman population took an immense lurch ahead. The subsequent +increase of baths, whilst no old ones were neglected, proves _that_ +decisively. And as citizenship expanded by means of the easy terms on which +it could be had, so did the bathers multiply. The population of Rome in the +century after Augustus, was far greater than during that era; and this, +still acting as a vortex to the rest of the world, may have been one great +motive with Constantine for "transferring" the capital eastwards; in +reality, for breaking up one monster capital into two of more manageable +dimensions. Two o'clock was often the earliest hour at which the public +baths were opened. But in Martial's time a man could go without blushing +(_salvâ fronte_) at eleven, though even then two o'clock was the meridian +hour for the great uproar of splashing, and swimming, and "larking" in the +endless baths of endless Rome. + +And now, at last, bathing finished, and the exercises of the _palæstra_, at +half-past two, or three, our friend finds his way home--not again to leave +it for that day. He is now a new man; refreshed, oiled with perfumes, his +dust washed off by hot water, and ready for enjoyment. These were the +things that determined the time for dinner. Had there been no other proof +that _coena_ was the Roman dinner, this is an ample one. Now first the +Roman was fit for dinner, in a condition of luxurious ease; business +ever--that day's load of anxiety laid aside--his _cuticle_, as he delighted +to talk, cleansed and polished--nothing more to do or to think of until +the next morning, he might now go and dine, and get drunk with a safe +conscience. Besides, if he does not get dinner now, when will he get it? +For most demonstrably he has taken nothing yet which comes near in value +to that basin of soup which many of ourselves take at the Roman hour of +bathing. No; we have kept our man fasting as yet. It is to be hoped that +something is coming at last. + +It _does_ come,--dinner, the great meal of "coena;" the meal sacred to +hospitality and genial pleasure, comes now to fill up the rest of the day, +until light fails altogether. + +Many people are of opinion that the Romans only understood what the +capabilities of dinner were. It is certain that they were the first great +people that discovered the true secret and meaning of dinner, the great +office which it fulfils, and which we in England are now so generally +acting on. Barbarous nations,--and none were, in that respect, more +barbarous than our own ancestors,--made this capital blunder; the brutes, +if you asked them what was the use of dinner, what it was meant for, stared +at you and replied--as a horse would reply if you put the same question +about his provender--that it was to give him strength for finishing his +work! Therefore, if you point your telescope back to antiquity about twelve +or one o'clock in the daytime, you will descry our most worthy ancestors +all eating for their very lives, eating as dogs eat, viz. in bodily fear +that some other dog will come and take their dinner away. What swelling of +the veins in the temples! (see Boswell's natural history of Dr. Johnson at +dinner;) what intense and rapid deglutition! what odious clatter of knives +and plates! what silence of the human voice! what gravity! what fury in the +libidinous eyes with which they contemplate the dishes! Positively it was +an _indecent_ spectacle to see Dr. Johnson at dinner. But, above all, what +maniacal haste and hurry, as if the fiend were waiting with red-hot pincers +to lay hold of the hindermost! + +Oh, reader, do you recognize in this abominable picture your respected +ancestors and ours? Excuse us for saying--"What monsters!" We have a right +to call our own ancestors monsters; and, if so, we must have the same right +over yours. For Dr. Southey has shown plainly in the "Doctor," that every +man having four grand parents in the second stage of ascent, (each of whom +having four, therefore,) sixteen in the third, and so on, long before you +get to the Conquest, every man and woman then living in England will be +wanted to make up the sum of my separate ancestors; consequently, you must +take your ancestors out of the very same fund, or (if you are too proud for +that) you must go without ancestors. So that, your ancestors being clearly +mine, I have a right in law to call the whole "kit" of them monsters. _Quod +erat demonstrandum_. Really and upon our honor, it makes one, for the +moment, ashamed of one's descent; one would wish to disinherit one's-self +backwards, and (as Sheridan says in the _Rivals_) to "cut the connection." +Wordsworth has an admirable picture in Peter Bell of "A snug party in a +parlor," removed into _limbus patrum_ for their offences in the flesh:-- + + "Cramming, as they on earth were cramm'd; + All sipping wine, all sipping tea; + But, as you by their faces see, + All silent, and all d--d." + +How well does that one word describe those venerable ancestral +dinners--"All silent!" Contrast this infernal silence of voice and fury +of eye with the "risus amabilis," the festivity, the social kindness, the +music, the wine, the "dulcis insania," of a Roman "coena." We mentioned +four tests for determining what meal is, and what is not, dinner; we may +now add a fifth, viz. the spirit of festal joy and elegant enjoyment, of +anxiety laid aside, and of honorable social pleasure put on like a marriage +garment. + +And what caused the difference between our ancestors and the Romans? Simply +this--the error of interposing dinner in the middle of business, thus +courting all the breezes of angry feeling that may happen to blow from the +business yet to come, instead of finishing, absolutely closing, the account +with this world's troubles before you sit down. That unhappy interpolation +ruined all. Dinner was an ugly little parenthesis between two still uglier +clauses of a tee-totally ugly sentence. Whereas with us, their enlightened +posterity, to whom they have the honor to be ancestors, dinner is a great +reaction. There lies our conception of the matter. It grew out of the very +excess of the evil. When business was moderate, dinner was allowed to +divide and bisect it. When it swelled into that vast strife and agony, as +one may call it, that boils along the tortured streets of modern London or +other capitals, men began to see the necessity of an adequate counterforce +to push against this overwhelming torrent, and thus maintain the +equilibrium. Were it not for the soft relief of a six o'clock dinner, the +gentle manner succeeding to the boisterous hubbub of the day, the soft +glowing lights, the wine, the intellectual conversation, life in London is +now come to such a pass, that in two years all nerves would sink before it. +But for this periodic reaction, the modern business which draws so cruelly +on the brain, and so little on the hands, would overthrow that organ in +all but those of coarse organization. Dinner it is,--meaning by dinner +the whole complexity of attendant circumstances,--which saves the modern +brain-working men from going mad. + +This revolution as to dinner was the greatest in virtue and value ever +accomplished. In fact, those are always the most operative revolutions +which are brought about through social or domestic changes. A nation must +be barbarous, neither could it have much intellectual business, which dined +in the morning. They could not be at ease in the morning. So much must be +granted: every day has its separate _quantum_, its dose (as the doctrinists +of rent phrase it) of anxiety, that could not be digested so soon as noon. +No man will say it. He, therefore, who dined at noon, was willing to sit +down squalid as he was, with his dress unchanged, his cares not washed off. +And what follows from that? Why, that to him, to such a canine or cynical +specimen of the genus _homo_, dinner existed only as a physical event, a +mere animal relief, a mere carnal enjoyment. For what, we demand, did this +fleshly creature differ from the carrion crow, or the kite, or the vulture, +or the cormorant? A French judge, in an action upon a wager, laid it down +in law, that man only had a _bouche_, all other animals had a _gueule_: +only with regard to the horse, in consideration of his beauty, nobility, +use, and in honor of the respect with which man regarded him, by the +courtesy of Christendom, he might be allowed to have a _bouche_, and his +reproach of brutality, if not taken away, might thus be hidden. But surely, +of the rabid animal who is caught dining at noonday, the _homo ferus_, who +affronts the meridian sun like Thyestes and Atreus, by his inhuman meals, +we are, by parity of reason, entitled to say, that he has a "maw," (so has +Milton's Death,) but nothing resembling stomach. And to this vile man a +philosopher would say--"Go away, sir, and come back to me two or three +centuries hence, when you have learned to be a reasonable creature, and to +make that physico-intellectual thing out of dinner which it was meant to +be, and is capable of becoming." In Henry VII.'s time the court dined at +eleven in the forenoon. But even that hour was considered so shockingly +late in the French court, that Louis XII. actually had his gray hairs +brought down with sorrow to the grave, by changing his regular hour of +half-past nine for eleven, in gallantry to his young English bride.[11] He +fell a victim to late hours in the forenoon. In Cromwell's time they dined +at one, P.M. One century and a half had carried them on by two hours. +Doubtless, old cooks and scullions wondered what the world would come to +next. Our French neighbors were in the same predicament. But they far +surpassed us in veneration for the meal. They actually dated from it. +Dinner constituted the great era of the day. _L'apres diner_ is almost the +sole date which you find in Cardinal De Retz's memoirs of the _Fronde_. +Dinner was their _Hegira_--dinner was their _line_ in traversing the ocean +of day: they crossed the equator when they dined. Our English revolution +came next; it made some little difference, we have heard people say, in +Church and State; but its great effects were perceived in dinner. People +now dined at two. So dined Addison for his last thirty years; so dined +Pope, who was coeval with the revolution through his entire life. Precisely +as the rebellion of 1745 arose, did people (but observe, very great people) +advance to four, P.M. Philosophers, who watch the "semina rerum," and the +first symptoms of change, had perceived this alteration singing in the +upper air like a coming storm some little time before. About the year 1740, +Pope complains to a friend of Lady Suffolk's dining so late as four. Young +people may bear those things, he observes; but as to himself, now turned +of fifty, if such doings went on, if Lady Suffolk would adopt such strange +hours, he must really absent himself from Marble Hill. Lady Suffolk had a +right to please herself: he himself loved her. But if she would persist, +all which remained for a decayed poet was respectfully to "cut his stick, +and retire." Whether Pope ever put up with four o'clock dinners again, we +have vainly sought to fathom. Some things advance continuously, like a +flood or a fire, which always make an end of A, eat and digest it, before +they go on to B. Other things advance _per saltum_--they do not silently +cancer their way onwards, but lie as still as a snake after they have made +some notable conquest, then when unobserved they make themselves up "for +mischief," and take a flying bound onwards. Thus advanced dinner, and by +these fits got into the territory of evening. And ever as it made a motion +onwards, it found the nation more civilized, (else the change would not +have been effected,) and raised them to a still higher civilization. The +next relay on that line of road, the next repeating frigate, is Cowper in +his poem on _Conversation_. He speaks of four o'clock as still the elegant +hour for dinner--the hour for the _lautiores_ and the _lepidi homines_. Now +this was written about 1780, or a little earlier; perhaps, therefore, +just one generation after Pope's Lady Suffolk. But then Cowper was living +amongst the rural gentry, not in high life; yet, again, Cowper was nearly +connected by blood with the eminent Whig house of Cowper, and acknowledged +as a _kinsman_. About twenty-five years after this, we may take Oxford as +a good exponent of the national advance. As a magnificent body of +"foundations," endowed by kings, and resorted to by the flower of the +national youth, Oxford is always elegant and even splendid in her habits. +Yet, on the other hand, as a grave seat of learning, and feeling the weight +of her position in the commonwealth, she is slow to move: she is inert as +she should be, having the functions of _resistance_ assigned to her against +the popular instinct of _movement_. Now, in Oxford, about 1804-5, there was +a general move in the dinner hour. Those colleges who dined at three, of +which there were still several, now dined at four; those who had dined +at four, now translated their hour to five. These continued good general +hours, but still amongst the more intellectual orders, till about Waterloo. +After that era, six, which had been somewhat of a gala hour, was promoted +to the fixed station of dinner-time in ordinary; and there perhaps it will +rest through centuries. For a more festal dinner, seven, eight, nine, ten, +have all been in requisition since then; but we have not yet heard of any +man's dining later than 10, P.M., except in that single classical instance +(so well remembered from our father Joe) of an Irishman who must have dined +_much_ later than ten, because his servant protested, when others were +enforcing the dignity of their masters by the lateness of their dinner +hours, that _his_ master dined "to-morrow." + +Were the Romans not as barbarous as our own ancestors at one time? Most +certainly they were; in their primitive ages they took their _coena_ at +noon,[12] _that_ was before they had laid aside their barbarism; before +they shaved: it was during their barbarism, and in consequence of their +barbarism, that they timed their _coena_ thus unseasonably. And this is +made evident by the fact, that, so long as they erred in the hour, they +erred in the attending circumstances. At this period they had no music +at dinner, no festal graces, and no reposing upon sofas. They sate bolt +upright in chairs, and were as grave as our ancestors, as rabid, and +doubtless as furiously in haste. + +With us the revolution has been equally complex. We do not, indeed, adopt +the luxurious attitude of semi-recumbency; our climate makes that less +requisite; and, moreover, the Romans had no knives and forks, which could +scarcely be used in that posture: they ate with their fingers from dishes +already cut up--whence the peculiar force of Seneca's "post quod non sunt +lavandæ manus." But exactly in proportion as our dinner has advanced +towards evening, have we and has that advanced in circumstances of +elegance, of taste, of intellectual value." That by itself would be much. +Infinite would be the gain for any people that it had ceased to be +brutal, animal, fleshly; ceased to regard the chief meal of the day as a +ministration only to an animal necessity; that they had raised it to a far +higher standard; associated it with social and humanizing feelings, +with manners, with graces both moral and intellectual; moral in the +self-restraint; intellectual in the fact, notorious to all men, that the +chief arenas for the _easy_ display of intellectual power are at our dinner +tables. But dinner has _now_ even a greater function than this; as the +fervor of our day's business increases, dinner is continually more needed +in its office of a great _reaction_. We repeat that, at this moment, but +for the daily relief of dinner, the brain of all men who mix in the strife +of capitals would be unhinged and thrown off its centre. + +If we should suppose the case of a nation taking three equidistant meals +all of the same material and the same quantity, all milk, for instance, it +would be impossible for Thomas Aquinas himself to say which was or was not +dinner. The case would be that of the Roman _ancile_ which dropped from +the skies; to prevent its ever being stolen, the priests made eleven +_facsimiles_ of it, that the thief, seeing the hopelessness of +distinguishing the true one, might let all alone. And the result was, that, +in the next generation, nobody could point to the true one. But our dinner, +the Roman _coena_, is distinguished from the rest by far more than the +hour; it is distinguished by great functions, and by still greater +capacities. It _is_ most beneficial; it may become more so. + +In saying this, we point to the lighter graces of music, and conversation +_more varied_, by which the Roman _coena_ was chiefly distinguished from +our dinner. We are far from agreeing with Mr. Croly, that the Roman meal +was more "intellectual" than ours. On the contrary, ours is the more +intellectual by much; we have far greater knowledge, far greater means +for making it such. In fact, the fault of our meal is--that it is _too_ +intellectual; of too severe a character; too political; too much tending, +in many hands, to disquisition. Reciprocation of question and answer, +variety of topics, shifting of topics, are points not sufficiently +cultivated. In all else we assent to the following passage from Mr. Croly's +eloquent Salathiel:-- + +"If an ancient Roman could start from his slumber into the midst of +European life, he must look with scorn on its absence of grace, elegance, +and fancy. But it is in its festivity, and most of all in its banquets, +that he would feel the incurable barbarism of the Gothic blood. Contrasted +with the fine displays that made the table of the Roman noble a picture, +and threw over the indulgence of appetite the colors of the imagination, +with what eyes must he contemplate the tasteless and commonplace dress, +the coarse attendants, the meagre ornament, the want of mirth, music, and +intellectual interest--the whole heavy machinery that converts the feast +into the mere drudgery of devouring!" + +Thus far the reader knows already that we dissent violently; and by looking +back he will see a picture of our ancestors at dinner, in which they +rehearse the very part in relation to ourselves that Mr. Croly supposes +all moderns to rehearse in relation to the Romans; but in the rest of the +beautiful description, the positive, though not the comparative part, we +must all concur:-- + +"The guests before me were fifty or sixty splendidly dressed men," +(they were in fact Titus and his staff, then occupied with the siege of +Jerusalem,) "attended by a crowd of domestics, attired with scarcely less +splendor; for no man thought of coming to the banquet in the robes of +ordinary life. The embroidered couches, themselves striking objects, +allowed the ease of position at once delightful in the relaxing climates of +the South, and capable of combining with every grace of the human figure. +At a slight distance, the table loaded with plate glittering under a +profusion of lamps, and surrounded by couches thus covered by rich +draperies, was like a central source of light radiating in broad shafts of +every brilliant hue. The wealth of the patricians, and their intercourse +with the Greeks, made them masters of the first performances of the arts. +Copies of the most famous statues, and groups of sculpture in the precious +metals; trophies of victories; models of temples; were mingled with vases +of flowers and lighted perfumes. Finally, covering and closing all, was +a vast scarlet canopy, which combined the groups beneath to the eye, and +threw the whole into the form that a painter would love." + +Mr. Croly then goes on to insist on the intellectual embellishments of the +Roman dinner; their variety, their grace, their adaptation to a festive +purpose. The truth is, our English imagination, more profound than the +Roman, is also more gloomy, less gay, less _riante_. That accounts for our +want of the gorgeous _trictinium_, with its scarlet draperies, and for many +other differences both to the eye and to the understanding. But both we and +the Romans agree in the main point; we both discovered the true purpose +which dinner might serve,--1, to throw the grace of intellectual enjoyment +over an animal necessity; 2, to relieve and antagonize the toil of brain +incident to high forms of social life. + +Our object has been to point the eye to this fact; to show uses imperfectly +suspected in a recurring accident of life; to show a steady tendency to +that consummation, by holding up, as in a mirror, (together with occasional +glimpses of hidden corners in history,) the corresponding revolution +silently going on in a great people of antiquity. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +"_In procinct_."--Milton's translation (somewhere in The Paradise Regained) +of the technical phrase "in procinctu."] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Geologists know not_."--Observe, reader, we are not at all questioning +the Scriptural Chronology of the earth as a _habitation for man_, for on +the pre-human earth Scripture is silent: not upon the six thousand years +does our doubt revolve, but upon a very different thing, viz. to what age +in man these six thousand years correspond by analogy in a planet. In man +the sixtieth part is a very venerable age. But as to a planet, as to our +little earth, instead of arguing dotage, six thousand years may have +scarcely carried her beyond babyhood. Some people think she is cutting her +first teeth; some think her in her teens. But, seriously, it is a very +interesting problem. Do the sixty centuries of our earth imply youth, +maturity, or dotage?] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Everywhere the ancients went to bed, like good boys, from seven to nine +o'clock_."--As we are perfectly serious, we must beg the reader, who +fancies any joke in all this, to consider what an immense difference +it must have made to the earth, considered as a steward of her own +resources-whether great nations, in a period when their resources were so +feebly developed, did, or did not, for many centuries, require candles; +and, we may add, fire. The five heads of human expenditure are,--1, Food; +2, Shelter; 3, Clothing; 4, Fuel; 5, Light. All were pitched on a lower +scale in the Pagan era; and the two last were almost banished from ancient +housekeeping. What a great relief this must have been to our good mother +the earth! who, at _first_, was obliged to request of her children that +they would settle round the Mediterranean. She could not even afford them +water, unless they would come and fetch it themselves out of a common tank +or cistern.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_The manesalutantes_."--There can be no doubt that the _levees_ of modern +princes and ministers have been inherited from this ancient usage of Rome; +one which belonged to Rome republican, as well as Rome imperial. The +fiction in our modern practice is--that we wait upon the _levé_, or rising +of the prince. In France, at one era, this fiction was realized: the +courtiers did really attend the king's dressing. And, as to the queen, even +up to the revolution, Marie Antoinette almost from necessity gave audience +at her toilette.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_Or again, 'siccum pro biscodo, ut hodie vocamus, sumemus_?'"--It is odd +enough that a scholar so complete as Salmasius, whom nothing ever escapes, +should have overlooked so obvious an alternative as that of _siccus_, +meaning without _opsonium--Scoticè_, without "kitchen."] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_The whole amount of relief_;"--from which it appears how grossly Locke +(see his _Education_) was deceived in fancying that Augustus practised any +remarkable abstinence in taking only a bit of bread and a raisin or two, by +way of luncheon. Augustus did no more than most people did; secondly, he +abstained only with a view to dinner; and, thirdly, for this dinner he +never waited longer than up to four o'clock.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Mansiones_"--the halts of the Roman legions, the stationary places of +repose which divided the marches, were so called.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_The everlasting Jew_;"--the German name for what we English call the +Wandering Jew. The German imagination has been most struck with the +duration of the man's life, and his unhappy sanctity from death; the +English by the unrestingness of the man's life, his incapacity of repose.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Immeasurable toga_."--It is very true that in the time of Augustus the +_toga_ had disappeared amongst the lowest plebs, and greatly Augustus was +shocked at that spectacle. It is a very curious fact in itself, especially +as expounding the main cause of the civil wars. Mere poverty, and the +absence of bribery from Rome, whilst all popular competition for offices +drooped, can alone explain this remarkable revolution of dress.] + +[NOTE 10. + +That boys in the Prætexta did not bathe in the public baths, is certain; +and most unquestionably that is the meaning of the expression in Juvenal +so much disputed--"Nisi qui nondum _ære_ lavantur." By _æs_ he means the +_ahenum_, a common name for the public bath, which was made of copper; in +our navy, "the _coppers_" is a name for the boilers. "Nobody believes in +such tales except children," is the meaning. This one exclusion cut off +three eighths of the Roman males.] + +[NOTE 11. + +"_His young--English bride_."--The case of an old man, or one reputed +old, marrying a very girlish wife, is always too much for the gravity of +history; and, rather than lose the joke, the historian prudently disguises +the age, which, after all, was little above fifty. And the very persons +who insist on the late dinner as the proximate cause of death, elsewhere +insinuate something else, not so decorously expressed. It is odd that this +amiable prince, so memorable as having been a martyr to late dining at +eleven, A.M., was the same person who is so equally memorable for the noble +answer about a King of France not remembering the wrongs of a Duke of +Orleans.] + +[NOTE 12. + +"_Took their coena at noon_."--And, by the way, in order to show how little +_coena_ had to do with any evening hour (though, in any age but that of our +fathers, four in the afternoon would never have been thought an evening +hour in the sense implied by _supper_,)--the Roman _gourmands_ and _bons +vivants_ continued through the very last ages of Rome to take their coena, +when more than usually sumptuous, at noon. This, indeed, all people did +occasionally, just as we sometimes give a dinner even now so early as four, +P.M., under the name of a _dejeuner à la fourchette_. Those who took their +_coena_ so early as this, were said _de die coenare_--to begin dining from +high day. Just as the line in Horace--"Ut jugulent homines surgunt _de +nocte_ latrones," does not mean that the robbers rise when others are going +to bed, viz., at nightfall, but at midnight. For, says one of the three +best scholars of this earth, _de die, de nocte_, mean from that hour +which was most fully, most intensely day or night, viz., the centre, the +meridian. This one fact is surely a clencher as to the question whether +_coena_ meant dinner or supper.] + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Miscellaneous Essays, by Thomas de Quincey + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10708 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miscellaneous Essays + +Author: Thomas de Quincey + +Release Date: January 13, 2004 [EBook #10708] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks, Leonard D. Johnson, Susan Goble and PG +Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +DE QUINCEY'S WRITINGS. + +It is the intention of the publishers to issue, at intervals, a complete +collection of Mr. De Quincey's Writings, uniform with this volume. The +first four volumes of the series will contain,-- + +I. Confessions of an English Opium-Eater and Suspiria De Profundis. + +II. Biographical Essays. + +III. Miscellaneous Essays. + +IV. The Cæsars. + + + + + +MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. + +BY + +THOMAS DE QUINCEY. + + + +CONTENTS. + + +ON THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, IN MACBETH + +MURDER, CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER + +JOAN OF ARC + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED + + + + +ON + +THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, + +IN MACBETH. + + +From my boyish days I had always felt a great perplexity on one point in +Macbeth. It was this: the knocking at the gate, which succeeds to the +murder of Duncan, produced to my feelings an effect for which I never could +account. The effect was, that it reflected back upon the murder a peculiar +awfulness and a depth of solemnity; yet, however obstinately I endeavored +with my understanding to comprehend this, for many years I never could see +_why_ it should produce such an effect. + +Here I pause for one moment, to exhort the reader never to pay any +attention to his understanding when it stands in opposition to any +other faculty of his mind. The mere understanding, however useful and +indispensable, is the meanest faculty in the human mind, and the most to +be distrusted; and yet the great majority of people trust to nothing else; +which may do for ordinary life, but not for philosophical purposes. Of this +out of ten thousand instances that I might produce, I will cite one. Ask of +any person whatsoever, who is not previously prepared for the demand by +a knowledge of perspective, to draw in the rudest way the commonest +appearance which depends upon the laws of that science; as for instance, to +represent the effect of two walls standing at right angles to each other, +or the appearance of the houses on each side of a street, as seen by a +person looking down the street from one extremity. Now in all cases, unless +the person has happened to observe in pictures how it is that artists +produce these effects, he will be utterly unable to make the smallest +approximation to it. Yet why? For he has actually seen the effect every day +of his life. The reason is--that he allows his understanding to overrule +his eyes. His understanding, which includes no intuitive knowledge of the +laws of vision, can furnish him with no reason why a line which is known +and can be proved to be a horizontal line, should not _appear_ a horizontal +line; a line that made any angle with the perpendicular less than a right +angle, would seem to him to indicate that his houses were all tumbling down +together. Accordingly he makes the line of his houses a horizontal line, +and fails of course to produce the effect demanded. Here then is one +instance out of many, in which not only the understanding is allowed to +overrule the eyes, but where the understanding is positively allowed to +obliterate the eyes as it were, for not only does the man believe the +evidence of his understanding in opposition to that of his eyes, but, +(what is monstrous!) the idiot is not aware that his eyes ever gave such +evidence. He does not know that he has seen (and therefore _quoad_ his +consciousness has _not_ seen) that which he _has_ seen every day of his +life. But to return from this digression, my understanding could furnish no +reason why the knocking at the gate in Macbeth should produce any effect, +direct or reflected. In fact, my understanding said positively that it +could _not_ produce any effect. But I knew better; I felt that it did; and +I waited and clung to the problem until further knowledge should enable me +to solve it. At length, in 1812, Mr. Williams made his _début_ on the stage +of Ratcliffe Highway, and executed those unparalleled murders which have +procured for him such a brilliant and undying reputation. On which murders, +by the way, I must observe, that in one respect they have had an ill +effect, by making the connoisseur in murder very fastidious in his taste, +and dissatisfied by anything that has been since done in that line. All +other murders look pale by the deep crimson of his; and, as an amateur once +said to me in a querulous tone, "There has been absolutely nothing _doing_ +since his time, or nothing that's worth speaking of." But this is wrong; +for it is unreasonable to expect all men to be great artists, and born with +the genius of Mr. Williams. Now it will be remembered that in the first of +these murders, (that of the Marrs,) the same incident (of a knocking at the +door soon after the work of extermination was complete) did actually occur, +which the genius of Shakspeare has invented; and all good judges, and +the most eminent dilettanti, acknowledged the felicity of Shakspeare's +suggestion as soon as it was actually realized. Here, then, was a fresh +proof that I was right in relying on my own feeling in opposition to my +understanding; and I again set myself to study the problem; at length +I solved it to my own satisfaction; and my solution is this. Murder in +ordinary cases, where the sympathy is wholly directed to the case of the +murdered person, is an incident of coarse and vulgar horror; and for this +reason, that it flings the interest exclusively upon the natural but +ignoble instinct by which we cleave to life; an instinct, which, as being +indispensable to the primal law of self-preservation, is the same in kind, +(though different in degree,) amongst all living creatures; this instinct +therefore, because it annihilates all distinctions, and degrades the +greatest of men to the level of "the poor beetle that we tread on," +exhibits human nature in its most abject and humiliating attitude. Such an +attitude would little suit the purposes of the poet. What then must he +do? He must throw the interest on the murderer. Our sympathy must be with +_him_; (of course I mean a sympathy of comprehension, a sympathy by which +we enter into his feelings, and are made to understand them,--not a +sympathy[1] of pity or approbation.) In the murdered person all strife of +thought, all flux and reflux of passion and of purpose, are crushed by one +overwhelming panic; the fear of instant death smites him "with its petrific +mace." But in the murderer, such a murderer as a poet will condescend to, +there must be raging some great storm of passion,--jealousy, ambition, +vengeance, hatred,--which will create a hell within him; and into this hell +we are to look. + +[Footnote 1: It seems almost ludicrous to guard and explain my use of a +word in a situation where it would naturally explain itself. But it has +become necessary to do so, in consequence of the unscholarlike use of the +word sympathy, at present so general, by which, instead of taking it in +its proper sense, as the act of reproducing in our minds the feelings of +another, whether for hatred, indignation, love, pity, or approbation, it +is made a mere synonyme of the word _pity_; and hence, instead of saying +"sympathy _with_ another," many writers adopt the monstrous barbarism of +"sympathy _for_ another."] + +In Macbeth, for the sake of gratifying his own enormous and teeming faculty +of creation, Shakspeare has introduced two murderers: and, as usual in his +hands, they are remarkably discriminated: but, though in Macbeth the strife +of mind is greater than in his wife, the tiger spirit not so awake, and his +feelings caught chiefly by contagion from her,--yet, as both were finally +involved in the guilt of murder, the murderous mind of necessity is finally +to be presumed in both. This was to be expressed; and on its own account, +as well as to make it a more proportionable antagonist to the unoffending +nature of their victim, "the gracious Duncan," and adequately to expound +"the deep damnation of his taking off," this was to be expressed with +peculiar energy. We were to be made to feel that the human nature, _i.e._, +the divine nature of love and mercy, spread through the hearts of all +creatures, and seldom utterly withdrawn from man,--was gone, vanished, +extinct; and that the fiendish nature had taken its place. And, as this +effect is marvellously accomplished in the _dialogues_ and _soliloquies_ +themselves, so it is finally consummated by the expedient under +consideration; and it is to this that I now solicit the reader's attention. +If the reader has ever witnessed a wife, daughter, or sister, in a fainting +fit, he may chance to have observed that the most affecting moment in +such a spectacle, is _that_ in which a sigh and a stirring announce the +recommencement of suspended life. Or, if the reader has ever been present +in a vast metropolis, on the day when some great national idol was carried +in funeral pomp to his grave, and chancing to walk near the course through +which it passed, has felt powerfully, in the silence and desertion of the +streets and in the stagnation of ordinary business, the deep interest which +at that moment was possessing the heart of man,--if all at once he should +hear the death-like stillness broken up by the sound of wheels rattling +away from the scene, and making known that the transitory vision was +dissolved, he will be aware that at no moment was his sense of the complete +suspension and pause in ordinary human concerns so full and affecting, as +at that moment when the suspension ceases, and the goings-on of human +life are suddenly resumed. All action in any direction is best expounded, +measured, and made apprehensible, by reaction. Now apply this to the case +in Macbeth. Here, as I have said, the retiring of the human heart and the +entrance of the fiendish heart was to be expressed and made sensible. +Another world has stepped in; and the murderers are taken out of the region +of human things, human purposes, human desires. They are transfigured: Lady +Macbeth is "unsexed;" Macbeth has forgot that he was born of woman; both +are conformed to the image of devils; and the world of devils is suddenly +revealed. But how shall this be conveyed and made palpable? In order that a +new world may step in, this world must for a time disappear. The murderers, +and the murder, must be insulated--cut off by an immeasurable gulph +from the ordinary tide and succession of human affairs--locked up and +sequestered in some deep recess; we must be made sensible that the world +of ordinary life is suddenly arrested--laid asleep--tranced--racked into +a dread armistice: time must be annihilated; relation to things without +abolished; and all must pass self-withdrawn into a deep syncope and +suspension of earthly passion. Hence it is, that when the deed is done, +when the work of darkness is perfect, then the world of darkness passes +away like a pageantry in the clouds: the knocking at the gate is heard; and +it makes known audibly that the reaction has commenced: the human has made +its reflux upon the fiendish; the pulses of life are beginning to beat +again; and the re-establishment of the goings-on of the world in which we +live, first makes us profoundly sensible of the awful parenthesis that had +suspended them. + +O, mighty poet! Thy works are not as those of other men, simply and merely +great works of art; but are also like the phenomena of nature, like the sun +and the sea, the stars and the flowers,--like frost and snow, rain and dew, +hail-storm and thunder, which are to be studied with entire submission of +our own faculties, and in the perfect faith that in them there can be no +too much or too little, nothing useless or inert--but that, the further +we press in our discoveries, the more we shall see proofs of design and +self-supporting arrangement where the careless eye had seen nothing but +accident! + + + +ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +TO THE EDITOR OF BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. + + +SIR,--We have all heard of a Society for the Promotion of Vice, of the +Hell-Fire Club, &c. At Brighton, I think it was, that a Society was formed +for the Suppression of Virtue. That society was itself suppressed--but I +am sorry to say that another exists in London, of a character still +more atrocious. In tendency, it may be denominated a Society for the +Encouragement of Murder; but, according to their own delicate [Greek: +euphaemismos], it is styled--The Society of Connoisseurs in Murder. They +profess to be curious in homicide; amateurs and dilettanti in the various +modes of bloodshed; and, in short, Murder-Fanciers. Every fresh atrocity +of that class, which the police annals of Europe bring up, they meet and +criticise as they would a picture, statue, or other work of art. But I +need not trouble myself with any attempt to describe the spirit of their +proceedings, as you will collect _that_ much better from one of the Monthly +Lectures read before the society last year. This has fallen into my hands +accidentally, in spite of all the vigilance exercised to keep their +transactions from the public eye. The publication of it will alarm them; +and my purpose is that it should. For I would much rather put them down +quietly, by an appeal to public opinion through you, than by such an +exposure of names as would follow an appeal to Bow Street; which last +appeal, however, if this should fail, I must positively resort to. For it +is scandalous that such things should go on in a Christian land. Even in a +heathen land, the toleration of murder was felt by a Christian writer to be +the most crying reproach of the public morals. This writer was Lactantius; +and with his words, as singularly applicable to the present occasion, I +shall conclude: "Quid tam horribile," says he, "tam tetrum, quam hominis +trucidatio? Ideo severissimis legibus vita nostra munitur; ideo bella +execrabilia sunt. Invenit tamen consuetudo quatenus homicidium sine bello +ac sine legibus faciat: et hoc sibi voluptas quod scelus vindicavit. +Quod si interesse homicidio sceleris conscientia est,--et eidem facinori +spectator obstrictus est cui et admissor; ergo et in his gladiatorum +cædibus non minus cruore profunditur qui spectat, quam ille qui facit: +nec potest esse immunis à sanguine qui voluit effundi; aut videri non +interfecisse, qui interfectori et favit et proemium postulavit." "Human +life," says he, "is guarded by laws of the uttermost rigor, yet custom has +devised a mode of evading them in behalf of murder; and the demands of +taste (voluptas) are now become the same as those of abandoned guilt." Let +the Society of Gentlemen Amateurs consider this; and let me call their +especial attention to the last sentence, which is so weighty, that I shall +attempt to convey it in English: "Now, if merely to be present at a +murder fastens on a man the character of an accomplice; if barely to be a +spectator involves us in one common guilt with the perpetrator; it follows +of necessity, that, in these murders of the amphitheatre, the hand which +inflicts the fatal blow is not more deeply imbrued in blood than his who +sits and looks on: neither can _he_ be clear of blood who has countenanced +its shedding; nor that man seem other than a participator in murder who +gives his applause to the murderer, and calls for prizes in his behalf." +The "_præmia postulavit_" I have not yet heard charged upon the Gentlemen +Amateurs of London, though undoubtedly their proceedings tend to that; +but the "_interfectori favil_" is implied in the very title of this +association, and expressed in every line of the lecture which I send you. + +I am, &c. X. Y. Z. + + * * * * * + +LECTURE. + +GENTLEMEN,--I have had the honor to be appointed by your committee to the +trying task of reading the Williams' Lecture on Murder, considered as one +of the Fine Arts; a task which might be easy enough three or four centuries +ago, when the art was little understood, and few great models had been +exhibited; but in this age, when masterpieces of excellence have been +executed by professional men, it must be evident, that in the style +of criticism applied to them, the public will look for something of a +corresponding improvement. Practice and theory must advance _pari passu_. +People begin to see that something more goes to the composition of a fine +murder than two blockheads to kill and be killed--a knife--a purse--and a +dark lane. Design, gentlemen, grouping, light and shade, poetry, sentiment, +are now deemed indispensable to attempts of this nature. Mr. Williams +has exalted the ideal of murder to all of us; and to me, therefore, in +particular, has deepened the arduousness of my task. Like Æschylus or +Milton in poetry, like Michael Angelo in painting, he has carried his art +to a point of colossal sublimity; and, as Mr. Wordsworth observes, has in +a manner "created the taste by which he is to be enjoyed." To sketch the +history of the art, and to examine its principles critically, now remains +as a duty for the connoisseur, and for judges of quite another stamp from +his Majesty's Judges of Assize. + +Before I begin, let me say a word or two to certain prigs, who affect to +speak of our society as if it were in some degree immoral in its tendency. +Immoral! God bless my soul, gentlemen, what is it that people mean? I am +for morality, and always shall be, and for virtue and all that; and I do +affirm, and always shall, (let what will come of it,) that murder is an +improper line of conduct, highly improper; and I do not stick to assert, +that any man who deals in murder, must have very incorrect ways of +thinking, and truly inaccurate principles; and so far from aiding and +abetting him by pointing out his victim's hiding-place, as a great +moralist[1] of Germany declared it to be every good man's duty to do, I +would subscribe one shilling and sixpense to have him apprehended, which is +more by eighteen-pence than the most eminent moralists have subscribed for +that purpose. But what then? Everything in this world has two handles. +Murder, for instance, may be laid hold of by its moral handle, (as it +generally is in the pulpit, and at the Old Bailey;) and _that_, I confess, +is its weak side; or it may also be treated _æsthetically_, as the Germans +call it, that is, in relation to good taste. + +[Footnote 1: Kant--who carried his demands of unconditional veracity to so +extravagant a length as to affirm, that, if a man were to see an innocent +person escape from a murderer, it would be his duty, on being questioned +by the murderer, to tell the truth, and to point out the retreat of the +innocent person, under any certainty of causing murder. Lest this doctrine +should be supposed to have escaped him in any heat of dispute, on being +taxed with it by a celebrated French writer, he solemnly reaffirmed it, +with his reasons.] + +To illustrate this, I will urge the authority of three eminent persons, +viz., S.T. Coleridge, Aristotle, and Mr. Howship the surgeon. To begin with +S.T.C. One night, many years ago, I was drinking tea with him in Berners' +Street, (which, by the way, for a short street, has been uncommonly +fruitful in men of genius.) Others were there besides myself; and amidst +some carnal considerations of tea and toast, we were all imbibing a +dissertation on Plotinus from the attic lips of S.T.C. Suddenly a cry arose +of "_Fire--fire_!" upon which all of us, master and disciples, Plato and +[Greek: hoi peri ton Platona], rushed out, eager for the spectacle. The +fire was in Oxford Street, at a piano-forte maker's; and, as it promised to +be a conflagration of merit, I was sorry that my engagements forced me away +from Mr. Coleridge's party before matters were come to a crisis. Some days +after, meeting with my Platonic host, I reminded him of the case, and +begged to know how that very promising exhibition had terminated. "Oh, +sir," said he, "it turned out so ill, that we damned it unanimously." Now, +does any man suppose that Mr. Coleridge,--who, for all he is too fat to be +a person of active virtue, is undoubtedly a worthy Christian,--that this +good S. T. C., I say, was an incendiary, or capable of wishing any ill +to the poor man and his piano-fortes (many of them, doubtless, with the +additional keys)? On the contrary, I know him to be that sort of man, that +I durst stake my life upon it he would have worked an engine in a case of +necessity, although rather of the fattest for such fiery trials of his +virtue. But how stood the case? Virtue was in no request. On the arrival +of the fire-engines, morality had devolved wholly on the insurance office. +This being the case, he had a right to gratify his taste. He had left his +tea. Was he to have nothing in return? + +I contend that the most virtuous man, under the premises stated, was +entitled to make a luxury of the fire, and to hiss it, as he would any +other performance that raised expectations in the public mind, which +afterwards it disappointed. Again, to cite another great authority, +what says the Stagyrite? He (in the Fifth Book, I think it is, of his +Metaphysics) describes what he calls [Greek: kleptaen teleion], i.e., _a +perfect thief_; and, as to Mr. Howship, in a work of his on Indigestion, he +makes no scruple to talk with admiration of a certain ulcer which he had +seen, and which he styles "a beautiful ulcer." Now will any man pretend, +that, abstractedly considered, a thief could appear to Aristotle a perfect +character, or that Mr. Howship could be enamored of an ulcer? Aristotle, +it is well known, was himself so very moral a character, that, not content +with writing his Nichomachean Ethics, in one volume octavo, he also +wrote another system, called _Magna Moralia_, or Big Ethics. Now, it is +impossible that a man who composes any ethics at all, big or little, should +admire a thief _per se_, and, as to Mr. Howship, it is well known that he +makes war upon all ulcers; and, without suffering himself to be seduced by +their charms, endeavors to banish them from the county of Middlesex. But +the truth is, that, however objectionable _per se_, yet, relatively to +others of their class, both a thief and an ulcer may have infinite degrees +of merit. They are both imperfections, it is true; but to be imperfect +being their essence, the very greatness of their imperfection becomes their +perfection. _Spartam nactus es, hunc exorna_. A thief like Autolycus or +Mr. Barrington, and a grim phagedænic ulcer, superbly defined, and running +regularly through all its natural stages, may no less justly be regarded +as ideals after _their_ kind, than the most faultless moss-rose amongst +flowers, in its progress from bud to "bright consummate flower;" or, +amongst human flowers, the most magnificent young female, apparelled in +the pomp of womanhood. And thus not only the ideal of an inkstand may be +imagined, (as Mr. Coleridge demonstrated in his celebrated correspondence +with Mr. Blackwood,) in which, by the way, there is not so much, because an +inkstand is a laudable sort of thing, and a valuable member of society; but +even imperfection itself may have its ideal or perfect state. + +Really, gentlemen, I beg pardon for so much philosophy at one time, and now +let me apply it. When a murder is in the paulo-post-futurum tense, and a +rumor of it comes to our ears, by all means let us treat it morally. But +suppose it over and done, and that you can say of it,[Greek: Tetelesai], +or (in that adamantine molossus of Medea) [Greek: eirzasai]; suppose the +poor murdered man to be out of his pain, and the rascal that did it off +like a shot, nobody knows whither; suppose, lastly, that we have done our +best, by putting out our legs to trip up the fellow in his flight, but all +to no purpose--"abiit, evasit," &c.--why, then, I say, what's the use of +any more virtue? Enough has been given to morality; now comes the turn of +Taste and the Fine Arts. A sad thing it was, no doubt, very sad; but _we_ +can't mend it. Therefore let us make the best of a bad matter; and, as it +is impossible to hammer anything out of it for moral purposes, let us treat +it æsthetically, and see if it will turn to account in that way. Such is +the logic of a sensible man, and what follows? We dry up our tears, and +have the satisfaction, perhaps, to discover that a transaction, which, +morally considered, was shocking, and without a leg to stand upon, +when tried by principles of Taste, turns out to be a very meritorious +performance. Thus all the world is pleased; the old proverb is justified, +that it is an ill wind which blows nobody good; the amateur, from looking +bilious and sulky, by too close an attention to virtue, begins to pick up +his crumbs, and general hilarity prevails. Virtue has had her day; and +henceforward, _Vertu_ and Connoisseurship have leave to provide for +themselves. Upon this principle, gentlemen, I propose to guide your +studies, from Cain to Mr. Thurtell. Through this great gallery of murder, +therefore, together let us wander hand in hand, in delighted admiration, +while I endeavor to point your attention to the objects of profitable +criticism. + + * * * * * + +The first murder is familiar to you all. As the inventor of murder, and the +father of the art, Cain must have been a man of first-rate genius. All the +Cains were men of genius. Tubal Cain invented tubes, I think, or some such +thing. But, whatever were the originality and genius of the artist, every +art was then in its infancy, and the works must be criticised with a +recollection of that fact. Even Tubal's work would probably be little +approved at this day in Sheffield; and therefore of Cain (Cain senior, I +mean,) it is no disparagement to say, that his performance was but so so. +Milton, however, is supposed to have thought differently. By his way of +relating the case, it should seem to have been rather a pet murder with +him, for he retouches it with an apparent anxiety for its picturesque +effect: + + Whereat he inly raged; and, as they talk'd, + Smote him into the midriff with a stone + That beat out life: he fell; and, deadly pale, + Groan'd out his soul _with gushing blood effus'd_. + _Par. Lost, B. XI_. + +Upon this, Richardson, the painter, who had an eye for effect, remarks as +follows, in his Notes on Paradise Lost, p. 497: "It has been thought," +says he, "that Cain beat (as the common saying is) the breath out of his +brother's body with a great stone; Milton gives in to this, with the +addition, however, of a large wound." In this place it was a judicious +addition; for the rudeness of the weapon, unless raised and enriched by +a warm, sanguinary coloring, has too much of the naked air of the savage +school; as if the deed were perpetrated by a Polypheme without science, +premeditation, or anything but a mutton bone. However, I am chiefly pleased +with the improvement, as it implies that Milton was an amateur. As to +Shakspeare, there never was a better; as his description of the murdered +Duke of Gloucester, in Henry VI., of Duncan's, Banquo's, &c., sufficiently +proves. + +The foundation of the art having been once laid, it is pitiable to see how +it slumbered without improvement for ages. In fact, I shall now be obliged +to leap over all murders, sacred and profane, as utterly unworthy of +notice, until long after the Christian era. Greece, even in the age of +Pericles, produced no murder of the slightest merit; and Rome had too +little originality of genius in any of the arts to succeed, where her +model failed her. In fact, the Latin language sinks under the very idea of +murder. "The man was murdered;"--how will this sound in Latin? _Interfectus +est, interemptus est_--which simply expresses a homicide; and hence the +Christian Latinity of the middle ages was obliged to introduce a new word, +such as the feebleness of classic conceptions never ascended to. _Murdratus +est_, says the sublimer dialect of Gothic ages. Meantime, the Jewish, +school of murder kept alive whatever was yet known in the art, and +gradually transferred it to the Western World. Indeed the Jewish school was +always respectable, even in the dark ages, as the case of Hugh of Lincoln +shows, which was honored with the approbation of Chaucer, on occasion of +another performance from the same school, which he puts into the mouth of +the Lady Abbess. + +Recurring, however, for one moment to classical antiquity, I cannot but +think that Catiline, Clodius, and some of that coterie, would have made +first-rate artists; and it is on all accounts to be regretted, that the +priggism of Cicero robbed his country of the only chance she had for +distinction in this line. As the _subject_ of a murder, no person could +have answered better than himself. Lord! how he would have howled with +panic, if he had heard Cethegus under his bed. It would have been truly +diverting to have listened to him; and satisfied I am, gentlemen, that he +would have preferred the _utile_ of creeping into a closet, or even into a +_cloaca_, to the _honestum_ of facing the bold artist. + +To come now to the dark ages--(by which we, that speak with precision, +mean, _par excellence_, the tenth century, and the times immediately before +and after)--these ages ought naturally to be favorable to the art of +murder, as they were to church architecture, to stained glass, &c.; and, +accordingly, about the latter end of this period, there arose a great +character in our art, I mean the Old Man of the Mountains. He was a shining +light, indeed, and I need not tell you, that the very word "assassin" is +deduced from him. So keen an amateur was he, that on one occasion, when his +own life was attempted by a favorite assassin, he was so much pleased +with the talent shown, that notwithstanding the failure of the artist, he +created him a duke upon the spot, with remainder to the female line, and +settled a pension on him for three lives. Assassination is a branch of the +art which demands a separate notice; and I shall devote an entire lecture +to it. Meantime, I shall only observe how odd it is, that this branch of +the art has flourished by fits. It never rains, but it pours. Our own age +can boast of some fine specimens; and, about two centuries ago, there was a +most brilliant constellation of murders in this class. I need hardly say, +that I allude especially to those five splendid works,--the assassinations +of William I, of Orange, of Henry IV., of France, of the Duke of +Buckingham, (which you will find excellently described in the letters +published by Mr. Ellis, of the British Museum,) of Gustavus Adolphus, and +of Wallenstein. The King of Sweden's assassination, by the by, is doubted +by many writers, Harte amongst others; but they are wrong. He was murdered; +and I consider his murder unique in its excellence; for he was murdered at +noon-day, and on the field of battle,--a feature of original conception, +which occurs in no other work of art that I remember. Indeed, all of these +assassinations may be studied with profit by the advanced connoisseur. They +are all of them _exemplaria_, of which one may say,-- + + Nociurnâ versatâ manu, versate diurne; + +Especially _nocturnâ_. + +In these assassinations of princes and statesmen, there is nothing to +excite our wonder; important changes often depend on their deaths; and, +from the eminence on which they stand, they are peculiarly exposed to the +aim of every artist who happens to be possessed by the craving for scenical +effect. But there is another class of assassinations, which has prevailed +from an early period of the seventeenth century, that really _does_ +surprise me; I mean the assassination of philosophers. For, gentlemen, it +is a fact, that every philosopher of eminence for the two last centuries +has either been murdered, or, at the least, been very near it; insomuch, +that if a man calls himself a philosopher, and never had his life +attempted, rest assured there is nothing in him; and against Locke's +philosophy in particular, I think it an unanswerable objection (if we +needed any), that, although he carried his throat about with him in this +world for seventy-two years, no man ever condescended to cut it. As these +cases of philosophers are not much known, and are generally good and well +composed in their circumstances, I shall here read an excursus on that +subject, chiefly by way of showing my own learning. + +The first great philosopher of the seventeenth century (if we except +Galileo) was Des Cartes; and if ever one could say of a man that he was all +_but_ murdered--murdered within an inch--one must say it of him. The case +was this, as reported by Baillet in his _Vie De M. Des Cartes_, tom. I. p. +102-3. In the year 1621, when Des Cartes might be about twenty-six years +old, he was touring about as usual, (for he was as restless as a hyæna,) +and, coming to the Elbe, either at Gluckstadt or at Hamburgh, he took +shipping for East Friezland: what he could want in East Friezland no man +has ever discovered; and perhaps he took this into consideration himself; +for, on reaching Embden, he resolved to sail instantly for _West_ +Friezland; and being very impatient of delay, he hired a bark, with a few +mariners to navigate it. No sooner had he got out to sea than he made a +pleasing discovery, viz. that he had shut himself up in a den of murderers. +His crew, says M. Baillet, he soon found out to be "des scélérats,"--not +_amateurs_, gentlemen, as we are, but professional men--the height of +whose ambition at that moment was to cut his throat. But the story is too +pleasing to be abridged; I shall give it, therefore, accurately, from the +French of his biographer: "M. Des Cartes had no company but that of his +servant, with whom he was conversing in French. The sailors, who took him +for a foreign merchant, rather than a cavalier, concluded that he must +have money about him. Accordingly they came to a resolution by no means +advantageous to his purse. There is this difference, however, between +sea-robbers and the robbers in forests, that the latter may, without +hazard, spare the lives of their victims; whereas the other cannot put +a passenger on shore in such a case without running the risk of being +apprehended. The crew of M. Des Cartes arranged their measures with a view +to evade any danger of that sort. They observed that he was a stranger from +a distance, without acquaintance in the country, and that nobody would take +any trouble to inquire about him, in case he should never come to hand, +(_quand il viendroit à manquer_.") Think, gentlemen, of these Friezland +dogs discussing a philosopher as if he were a puncheon of rum. "His temper, +they remarked, was very mild and patient; and, judging from the gentleness +of his deportment, and the courtesy with which he treated themselves, that +he could be nothing more than some green young man, they concluded that +they should have all the easier task in disposing of his life. They made no +scruple to discuss the whole matter in his presence, as not supposing that +he understood any other language than that in which he conversed with his +servant; and the amount of their deliberation was--to murder him, then to +throw him into the sea, and to divide his spoils." + +Excuse my laughing, gentlemen, but the fact is, I always _do_ laugh when I +think of this case--two things about it seem so droll. One, is, the horrid +panic or "funk," (as the men of Eton call it,) in which Des Cartes must +have found himself upon hearing this regular drama sketched for his own +death--funeral--succession and administration to his effects. But another +thing, which seems to me still more funny about this affair is, that +if these Friezland hounds had been "game," we should have no Cartesian +philosophy; and how we could have done without _that_, considering the +worlds of books it has produced, I leave to any respectable trunk-maker to +declare. + +However, to go on; spite of his enormous funk, Des Cartes showed fight, +and by that means awed these Anti-Cartesian rascals. "Finding," says M. +Baillet, "that the matter was no joke, M. Des Cartes leaped upon his feet +in a trice, assumed a stern countenance that these cravens had never looked +for, and addressing them in their own language, threatened to run them +through on the spot if they dared to offer him any insult." Certainly, +gentlemen, this would have been an honor far above the merits of such +inconsiderable rascals--to be spitted like larks upon a Cartesian sword; +and therefore I am glad M. Des Cartes did not rob the gallows by executing +his threat, especially as he could not possibly have brought his vessel to +port, after he had murdered his crew; so that he must have continued to +cruise for ever in the Zuyder Zee, and would probably have been mistaken by +sailors for the _Flying Dutchman_, homeward bound. "The spirit which M. Des +Cartes manifested," says his biographer, "had the effect of magic on these +wretches. The suddenness of their consternation struck their minds with a +confusion which blinded them to their advantage, and they conveyed him to +his destination as peaceably as he could desire." + +Possibly, gentlemen, you may fancy that, on the model of Cæsar's address +to his poor ferryman,--"_Cæsarem vehis et fortunas ejus_"--M. Des Cartes +needed only to have said,--"Dogs, you cannot cut my throat, for you carry +Des Cartes and his philosophy," and might safely have defied them to do +their worst. A German emperor had the same notion, when, being cautioned to +keep out of the way of a cannonading, he replied, "Tut! man. Did you ever +hear of a cannon-ball that killed an emperor?" As to an emperor I cannot +say, but a less thing has sufficed to smash a philosoper; and the next +great philosopher of Europe undoubtedly _was_ murdered. This was Spinosa. + +I know very well the common opinion about him is, that he died in his bed. +Perhaps he did, but he was murdered for all that; and this I shall prove +by a book published at Brussels, in the year 1731, entitled, _La Via de +Spinosa; Par M. Jean Colerus_, with many additions, from a MS. life, by one +of his friends. Spinosa died on the 21st February, 1677, being then little +more than forty-four years old. This of itself looks suspicious; and M. +Jean admits, that a certain expression in the MS. life of him would warrant +the conclusion, "que sa mort n'a pas été tout-à-fait naturelle." Living in +a damp country, and a sailor's country, like Holland, he may be thought to +have indulged a good deal in grog, especially in punch,[1] which was then +newly discovered. Undoubtedly he might have done so; but the fact is that +he did not. M. Jean calls him "extrêmement sobre en son boire et en son +manger." And though some wild stories were afloat about his using the juice +of mandragora (p. 140,) and opium, (p. 144,) yet neither of these articles +appeared in his druggist's bill. Living, therefore, with such sobriety, how +was it possible that he should die a natural death at forty-four? Hear his +biographer's account:--"Sunday morning the 21st of February, before it was +church time, Spinosa came down stairs and conversed with the master and +mistress of the house." At this time, therefore, perhaps ten o'clock on +Sunday morning, you see that Spinosa was alive, and pretty well. But it +seems "he had summoned from Amsterdam a certain physician, whom," says the +biographer, "I shall not otherwise point out to notice than by these two +letters, L.M. This L.M. had directed the people of the house to purchase an +ancient cock, and to have him boiled forthwith, in order that Spinosa might +take some broth about noon, which in fact he did, and ate some of the _old +cock_ with a good appetite, after the landlord and his wife had returned +from church. + +[Footnote 1: "June 1, 1675.--Drinke part of 3 boules of punch, (a liquor +very strainge to me,)" says the Rev. Mr. Henry Teonge, in his Diary lately +published. In a note on this passage, a reference is made to Fryer's +Travels to the East Indies, 1672, who speaks of "that enervating liquor +called _Paunch_, (which is Indostan for five,) from five ingredients." +Made thus, it seems the medical men called it Diapente; if with four only, +Diatessaron. No doubt, it was its Evangelical name that recommended it to +the Rev. Mr. Teonge.] + +"In the afternoon, L.M. staid alone with Spinosa, the people of the house +having returned to church; on coming out from which they learnt, with much +surprise, that Spinosa had died about three o'clock, in the presence +of L.M., who took his departure for Amsterdam the same evening, by the +night-boat, without paying the least attention to the deceased. No doubt he +was the readier to dispense with these duties, as he had possessed himself +of a ducatoon and a small quantity of silver, together with a silver-hafted +knife, and had absconded with his pillage." Here you see, gentlemen, the +murder is plain, and the manner of it. It was L.M. who murdered Spinosa +for his money. Poor S. was an invalid, meagre, and weak: as no blood +was observed, L.M., no doubt, threw him down and smothered him with +pillows,--the poor man being already half suffocated by his infernal +dinner. But who was L.M.? It surely never could be Lindley Murray; for I +saw him at York in 1825; and besides, I do not think he Would do such a +thing; at least, not to a brother grammarian: for you know, gentlemen, that +Spinosa wrote a very respectable Hebrew grammar. + +Hobbes, but why, or on what principle, I never could understand, was not +murdered. This was a capital oversight of the professional men in the +seventeenth century; because in every light he was a fine subject for +murder, except, indeed, that he was lean and skinny; for I can prove that +he had money, and (what is very funny,) he had no right to make the least +resistance; for, according to himself, irresistible power creates the very +highest species of right, so that it is rebellion of the blackest die +to refuse to be murdered, when a competent force appears to murder you. +However, gentlemen, though he was not murdered, I am happy to assure you +that (by his own account) he was three times very near being murdered. The +first time was in the spring of 1640, when he pretends to have circulated +a little MS. on the king's behalf, against the Parliament; he never could +produce this MS., by the by; but he says that, "Had not his Majesty +dissolved the Parliament," (in May,) "it had brought him into danger of his +life." Dissolving the Parliament, however, was of no use; for, in November +of the same year, the Long Parliament assembled, and Hobbes, a second time, +fearing he should be murdered, ran away to France. This looks like the +madness of John Dennis, who thought that Louis XIV. would never make peace +with Queen Anne, unless he were given up to his vengeance; and actually ran +away from the sea-coast in that belief. In France, Hobbes managed to take +care of his throat pretty well for ten years; but at the end of that time, +by way of paying court to Cromwell, he published his Leviathan. The old +coward now began to "funk" horribly for the third time; he fancied the +swords of the cavaliers were constantly at his throat, recollecting how +they had served the Parliament ambassadors at the Hague and Madrid. "Turn," +says he, in his dog-Latin life of himself, + + "Tum venit in mentem mihi Dorislaus et Ascham; + Tanquam proscripto terror ubique aderat." + +And accordingly he ran home to England. Now, certainly, it is very true +that a man deserved a cudgelling for writing Leviathan; and two or three +cudgellings for writing a pentameter ending so villanously as--"terror +ubique aderat!" But no man ever thought him worthy of anything beyond +cudgelling. And, in fact, the whole story is a bounce of his own. For, in a +most abusive letter which he wrote "to a learned person," (meaning Wallis +the mathematician,) he gives quite another account of the matter, and says +(p. 8,) he ran home "because he would not trust his safety with the French +clergy;" insinuating that he was likely to be murdered for his religion, +which would have been a high joke indeed--Tom's being brought to the stake +for religion. + +Bounce or not bounce, however, certain it is, that Hobbes, to the end of +his life, feared that somebody would murder him. This is proved by the +story I am going to tell you: it is not from a manuscript, but, (as Mr. +Coleridge says,) it is as good as manuscript; for it comes from a book +now entirely forgotten, viz., "The Creed of Mr. Hobbes Examined; in a +Conference between him and a Student in Divinity," (published about ten +years before Hobbes's death.) The book is anonymous, but it was written by +Tennison, the same who, about thirty years after, succeeded Tillotson as +Archbishop of Canterbury. The introductory anecdote is as follows: "A +certain divine, it seems, (no doubt Tennison himself,) took an annual tour +of one month to different parts of the island. In one of these excursions +(1670) he visited the Peak in Derbyshire, partly in consequence of Hobbes's +description of it. Being in that neighborhood, he could not but pay a visit +to Buxton; and at the very moment of his arrival, he was fortunate enough +to find a party of gentlemen dismounting at the inn door, amongst whom was +a long thin fellow, who turned out to be no less a person than Mr. Hobbes, +who probably had ridden over from Chattsworth. Meeting so great a lion,--a +tourist, in search of the picturesque, could do no less than present +himself in the character of bore. And luckily for this scheme, two of Mr. +Hobbes's companions were suddenly summoned away by express; so that, for +the rest of his stay at Buxton, he had Leviathan entirely to himself, and +had the honor of bowsing with him in the evening. Hobbes, it seems, at +first showed a good deal of stiffness, for he was shy of divines; but this +wore off, and he became very sociable and funny, and they agreed to go into +the bath together. How Tennison could venture to gambol in the same water +with Leviathan, I cannot explain; but so it was: they frolicked about like +two dolphins, though Hobbes must have been as old as the hills; and +"in those intervals wherein they abstained from swimming and plunging +themselves," [i.e., diving,] "they discoursed of many things relating to +the Baths of the Ancients, and the Origine of Springs. When they had in +this manner passed away an hour, they stepped out of the bath; and, having +dried and cloathed themselves, they sate down in expectation of such a +supper as the place afforded; designing to refresh themselves like the +_Deipnosophilæ_, and rather to reason than to drink profoundly. But in this +innocent intention they were interrupted by the disturbance arising from a +little quarrel, in which some of the ruder people in the house were for a +short time engaged. At this Mr. Hobbes seemed much concerned, though he was +at some distance from the persons." And why was he concerned, gentlemen? +No doubt you fancy, from, some benign and disinterested love of peace and +harmony, worthy of an old man and a philosopher. But listen--"For a while +he was not composed, but related it once or twice as to himself, with a +low and careful tone, how Sextus Roscius was murthered after supper by +the Balneæ Palatinæ. Of such general extent is that remark of Cicero, in +relation to Epicurus the Atheist, of whom he observed that he of all men +dreaded most those things which he contemned--Death and the Gods." Merely +because it was supper time, and in the neighborhood of a bath, Mr. Hobbes +must have the fate of Sextus Roscius. What logic was there in this, unless +to a man who was always dreaming of murder? Here was Leviathan, no +longer afraid of the daggers of English cavaliers or French clergy, but +"frightened from his propriety" by a row in an ale-house between some +honest clod-hoppers of Derbyshire, whom his own gaunt scare-crow of a +person that belonged to quite another century, would have frightened out of +their wits. + +Malebranche, it will give you pleasure to hear, was murdered. The man who +murdered him is well known: it was Bishop Berkeley. The story is familiar, +though hitherto not put in a proper light. Berkeley, when a young man, went +to Paris and called on Père Malebranche. He found him in his cell cooking. +Cooks have ever been a _genus irritabile_; authors still more so: +Malebranche was both: a dispute arose; the old father, warm already, became +warmer; culinary and metaphysical irritations united to derange his liver: +he took to his bed, and died. Such is the common version of the story: +"So the whole ear of Denmark is abused." The fact is, that the matter was +hushed up, out of consideration for Berkeley, who (as Pope remarked) had +"every virtue under heaven:" else it was well known that Berkeley, feeling +himself nettled by the waspishness of the old Frenchman, squared at him; a +_turn-up_ was the consequence: Malebranche was floored in the first round; +the conceit was wholly taken out of him; and he would perhaps have given +in; but Berkeley's blood was now up, and he insisted on the old Frenchman's +retracting his doctrine of Occasional Causes. The vanity of the man was too +great for this; and he fell a sacrifice to the impetuosity of Irish youth, +combined with his own absurd obstinacy. + +Leibnitz, being every way superior to Malebranche, one might, _a fortiori_, +have counted on _his_ being murdered; which, however, was not the case. I +believe he was nettled at this neglect, and felt himself insulted by the +security in which he passed his days. In no other way can I explain +his conduct at the latter end of his life, when he chose to grow very +avaricious, and to hoard up large sums of gold, which he kept in his +own house. This was at Vienna, where he died; and letters are still in +existence, describing the immeasurable anxiety which he entertained for his +throat. Still his ambition, for being _attempted_ at least, was so +great, that he would not forego the danger. A late English pedagogue, of +Birmingham manufacture, viz., Dr. Parr, took a more selfish course, under +the same circumstances. He had amassed a considerable quantity of gold and +silver plate, which was for some time deposited in his bed-room at his +parsonage house, Hatton. But growing every day more afraid of being +murdered, which he knew that he could not stand, (and to which, indeed, he +never had the slightest pretension,) he transferred the whole to the Hatton +blacksmith; conceiving, no doubt, that the murder of a blacksmith would +fall more lightly on the _salus reipublicæ_, than that of a pedagogue. But +I have heard this greatly disputed; and it seems now generally agreed, that +one good horse-shoe is worth about 2 1/4 Spital sermons. + +As Leibnitz, though not murdered, may be said to have died, partly of +the fear that he should be murdered, and partly of vexation that he was +not,--Kant, on the other hand--who had no ambition in that way--had a +narrower escape from a murderer than any man we read of, except Des Cartes. +So absurdly does fortune throw about her favors! The case is told, I think, +in an anonymous life of this very great man. For health's sake, Kant +imposed upon himself, at one time, a walk of six miles every day along a +highroad. This fact becoming known to a man who had his private reasons for +committing murder, at the third milestone from Königsberg, he waited for +his "intended," who came up to time as duly as a mail-coach. But for an +accident, Kant was a dead man. However, on considerations of "morality," it +happened that the murderer preferred a little child, whom he saw playing in +the road, to the old transcendentalist: this child he murdered; and thus it +happened that Kant escaped. Such is the German account of the matter; but +my opinion is--that the murderer was an amateur, who felt how little would +be gained to the cause of good taste by murdering an old, arid, and adust +metaphysician; there was no room for display, as the man could not possibly +look more like a mummy when dead, than he had done alive. + +Thus, gentlemen, I have traced the connection between philosophy and our +art, until insensibly I find that I have wandered into our own era. This I +shall not take any pains to characterize apart from that which preceded +it, for, in fact, they have no distinct character. The seventeenth and +eighteenth centuries, together with so much of the nineteenth as we have +yet seen, jointly compose the Augustan age of murder. The finest work of +the seventeenth century is, unquestionably, the murder of Sir Edmondbury +Godfrey, which has my entire approbation. At the same time, it must be +observed, that the quantity of murder was not great in this century, at +least amongst our own artists; which, perhaps, is attributable to the want +of enlightened patronage. _Sint Mæcenates, non deerunt, Flacce, Marones_. +Consulting Grant's "Observations on the Bills of Mortality," (4th edition, +Oxford, 1665,) I find, that out of 229,250, who died in London during one +period of twenty years in the seventeenth century, not more than eighty-six +were murdered; that is, about four three-tenths per annum. A small number +this, gentlemen, to found an academy upon; and certainly, where the +quantity is so small, we have a right to expect that the quality should be +first-rate. Perhaps it was; yet, still I am of opinion that the best artist +in this century was not equal to the best in that which followed. For +instance, however praiseworthy the case of Sir Edmondbury Godfrey may be +(and nobody can be more sensible of its merits than I am), still I cannot +consent to place it on a level with that of Mrs. Ruscombe of Bristol, +either as to originality of design, or boldness and breadth of style. This +good lady's murder took place early in the reign of George III., a reign +which was notoriously favorable to the arts generally. She lived in College +Green, with a single maid-servant, neither of them having any pretension +to the notice of history but what they derived from the great artist whose +workmanship I am recording. One fine morning, when all Bristol was alive +and in motion, some suspicion arising, the neighbors forced an entrance +into the house, and found Mrs. Ruscombe murdered in her bed-room, and the +servant murdered on the stairs: this was at noon; and, not more than two +hours before, both mistress and servant had been seen alive. To the best of +my remembrance, this was in 1764; upwards of sixty years, therefore, have +now elapsed, and yet the artist is still undiscovered. The suspicions of +posterity have settled upon two pretenders--a baker and a chimney-sweeper. +But posterity is wrong; no unpractised artist could have conceived so bold +an idea as that of a noon-day murder in the heart of a great city. It was +no obscure baker, gentlemen, or anonymous chimney-sweeper, be assured, that +executed this work. I know who it was. (_Here there was a general buzz, +which at length broke out into open applause; upon which the lecturer +blushed, and went on with much earnestness_.) For Heaven's sake, gentlemen, +do not mistake me; it was not I that did it. I have not the vanity to think +myself equal to any such achievement; be assured that you greatly overrate +my poor talents; Mrs. Ruscombe's affair was far beyond my slender +abilities. But I came to know who the artist was, from a celebrated +surgeon, who assisted at his dissection. This gentleman had a private +museum in the way of his profession, one corner of which was occupied by a +cast from a man of remarkably fine proportions. + +"That," said the surgeon, "is a cast from the celebrated Lancashire +highwayman, who concealed his profession for some time from his neighbors, +by drawing woollen stockings over his horse's legs, and in that way +muffling the clatter which he must else have made in riding up a flagged +alley that led to his stable. At the time of his execution for highway +robbery, I was studying under Cruickshank: and the man's figure was +so uncommonly fine, that no money or exertion was spared to get into +possession of him with the least possible delay. By the connivance of the +under-sheriff he was cut down within the legal time, and instantly put into +a chaise and four; so that, when he reached Cruickshank's he was positively +not dead. Mr. ----, a young student at that time, had the honor of giving +him the _coup de grâce_, and finishing the sentence of the law." This +remarkable anecdote, which seemed to imply that all the gentlemen in the +dissecting-room were amateurs of our class, struck me a good deal; and I +was repeating it one day to a Lancashire lady, who thereupon informed me, +that she had herself lived in the neighborhood of that highwayman, and well +remembered two circumstances, which combined, in the opinion of all his +neighbors, to fix upon him the credit of Mrs. Ruscombe's affair. One was, +the fact of his absence for a whole fortnight at the period of that murder: +the other, that, within a very little time after, the neighborhood of this +highwayman was deluged with dollars: now Mrs. Ruscombe was known to have +hoarded about two thousand of that coin. Be the artist, however, who he +might, the affair remains a durable monument of his genius; for such was +the impression of awe, and the sense of power left behind, by the strength +of conception manifested in this murder, that no tenant (as I was told in +1810) had been found up to that time for Mrs. Ruscombe's house. + +But, whilst I thus eulogize the Ruscombian case, let me not be supposed to +overlook the many other specimens of extraordinary merit spread over the +face of this century. Such cases, indeed, as that of Miss Bland, or of +Captain Donnellan, and Sir Theophilus Boughton, shall never have any +countenance from me. Fie on these dealers in poison, say I: can they not +keep to the old honest way of cutting throats, without introducing such +abominable innovations from Italy? I consider all these poisoning cases, +compared with the legitimate style, as no better than wax-work by the side +of sculpture, or a lithographic print by the side of a fine Volpato. But, +dismissing these, there remain many excellent works of art in a pure style, +such as nobody need be ashamed to own, as every candid connoisseur will +admit. _Candid_, observe, I say; for great allowances must be made in +these cases; no artist can ever be sure of carrying through his own fine +preconception. Awkward disturbances will arise; people will not submit to +have their throats cut quietly; they will run, they will kick, they will +bite; and whilst the portrait painter often has to complain of too much +torpor in his subject, the artist, in our line, is generally embarrassed by +too much animation. At the same time, however disagreeable to the artist, +this tendency in murder to excite and irritate the subject, is certainly +one of its advantages to the world in general, which we ought not to +overlook, since it favors the development of latent talent. Jeremy Taylor +notices with admiration, the extraordinary leaps which people will take +under the influence of fear. There was a striking instance of this in the +recent case of the M'Keands; the boy cleared a height, such as he will +never clear again to his dying day. Talents also of the most brilliant +description for thumping, and indeed for all the gymnastic exercises, +have sometimes been developed by the panic which accompanies our artists; +talents else buried and hid under a bushel to the possessors, as much as to +their friends. I remember an interesting illustration of this fact, in a +case which I learned in Germany. + +Riding one day in the neighborhood of Munich, I overtook a distinguished +amateur of our society, whose name I shall conceal. This gentleman informed +me that, finding himself wearied with the frigid pleasures (so he +called them) of mere amateurship, he had quitted England for the +continent--meaning to practise a little professionally. For this purpose +he resorted to Germany, conceiving the police in that part of Europe to be +more heavy and drowsy than elsewhere. His _debut_ as a practitioner took +place at Mannheim; and, knowing me to be a brother amateur, he freely +communicated the whole of his maiden adventure. "Opposite to my lodging," +said he, "lived a baker: he was somewhat of a miser, and lived quite alone. +Whether it were his great expanse of chalky face, or what else, I know +not--but the fact was, I 'fancied' him, and resolved to commence business +upon his throat, which by the way he always carried bare--a fashion which +is very irritating to my desires. Precisely at eight o'clock in the +evening, I observed that he regularly shut up his windows. One night I +watched him when thus engaged--bolted in after him--locked the door--and, +addressing him with great suavity, acquainted him with the nature of my +errand; at the same time advising him to make no resistance, which would be +mutually unpleasant. So saying, I drew out my tools; and was proceeding to +operate. But at this spectacle, the baker, who seemed to have been struck +by catalepsy at my first announce, awoke into tremendous agitation. 'I will +_not_ be murdered!' he shrieked aloud; 'what for will I lose my precious +throat?' 'What for?' said I; 'if for no other reason, for this--that you +put alum into your bread. But no matter, alum or no alum, (for I was +resolved to forestall any argument on that point,) know that I am a +virtuoso in the art of murder--am desirous of improving myself in its +details--and am enamored of your vast surface of throat, to which I am +determined to be a customer.' 'Is it so?' said he, 'but I'll find you +custom in another line;' and so saying, he threw himself into a boxing +attitude. The very idea of his boxing struck me as ludicrous. It is true, +a London baker had distinguished himself in the ring, and became known +to fame under the title of the Master of the Rolls; but he was young and +unspoiled: whereas this man was a monstrous feather-bed in person, fifty +years old, and totally out of condition. Spite of all this, however, and +contending against me, who am a master in the art, he made so desperate a +defence, that many times I feared he might turn the tables upon me; +and that I, an amateur, might be murdered by a rascally baker. What a +situation! Minds of sensibility will sympathize with my anxiety. How severe +it was, you may understand by this, that for the first thirteen rounds the +baker had the advantage. Round the fourteenth, I received a blow on +the right eye, which closed it up; in the end, I believe, this was my +salvation: for the anger it roused in me was so great that, in this and +every one of the three following rounds, I floored the baker. + +"Round 18th. The baker came up piping, and manifestly the worse for wear. +His geometrical exploits in the four last rounds had done him no good. +However, he showed some skill in stopping a message which I was sending to +his cadaverous mug; in delivering which, my foot slipped, and I went down. + +"Round 19th. Surveying the baker, I became ashamed of having been so +much bothered by a shapeless mass of dough; and I went in fiercely, +and administered some severe punishment. A rally took place--both went +down--baker undermost--ten to three on amateur. + +"Round 20th. The baker jumped up with surprising agility; indeed, he +managed his pins capitally, and fought wonderfully, considering that he was +drenched in perspiration; but the shine was now taken out of him, and his +game was the mere effect of panic. It was now clear that he could not last +much longer. In the course of this round we tried the weaving system, in +which I had greatly the advantage, and hit him repeatedly on the conk. +My reason for this was, that his conk was covered with carbuncles; and I +thought I should vex him by taking such liberties with his conk, which in +fact I did. + +"The three next rounds, the master of the rolls staggered about like a cow +on the ice. Seeing how matters stood, in round twenty-fourth I whispered +something into his ear, which sent him down like a shot. It was nothing +more than my private opinion of the value of his throat at an annuity +office. This little confidential whisper affected him greatly; the very +perspiration was frozen on his face, and for the next two rounds I had it +all my own way. And when I called _time_ for the twenty-seventh round, he +lay like a log on the floor." + +After which, said I to the amateur, "It may be presumed that you +accomplished your purpose." "You are right," said he mildly, "I did; and a +great satisfaction, you know, it was to my mind, for by this means I killed +two birds with one stone;" meaning that he had both thumped the baker and +murdered him. Now, for the life of me, I could not see _that_; for, on the +contrary, to my mind it appeared that he had taken two stones to kill one +bird, having been obliged to take the conceit out of him first with his +fist, and then with his tools. But no matter for his logic. The moral of +his story was good, for it showed what an astonishing stimulus to latent +talent is contained in any reasonable prospect of being murdered. A +pursy, unwieldy, half cataleptic baker of Mannheim had absolutely fought +six-and-twenty rounds with an accomplished English boxer merely upon this +inspiration; so greatly was natural genius exalted and sublimed by the +genial presence of his murderer. + +Really, gentlemen, when one hears of such things as these, it becomes a +duty, perhaps, a little to soften that extreme asperity with which most +men speak of murder. To hear people talk, you would suppose that all the +disadvantages and inconveniences were on the side of being murdered, and +that there were none at all in _not_ being murdered. But considerate men +think otherwise. "Certainly," says Jeremy Taylor, "it is a less temporal +evil to fall by the rudeness of a sword than the violence of a fever: and +the axe" (to which he might have added the ship-carpenter's mallet and the +crow-bar) "a much less affliction than a strangury." Very true; the +bishop talks like a wise man and an amateur, as he is; and another great +philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, was equally above the vulgar prejudices on +this subject. He declares it to be one of "the noblest functions of reason +to know whether it is time to walk out of the world or not." (Book III., +Collers' Translation.) No sort of knowledge being rarer than this, surely +_that_ man must be a most philanthropic character, who undertakes to +instruct people in this branch of knowledge gratis, and at no little hazard +to himself. All this, however, I throw out only in the way of speculation +to future moralists; declaring in the meantime my own private conviction, +that very few men commit murder upon philanthropic or patriotic principles, +and repeating what I have already said once at least--that, as to the +majority of murderers, they are very incorrect characters. + +With respect to Williams's murders, the sublimest and most entire in their +excellence that ever were committed, I shall not allow myself to speak +incidentally. Nothing less than an entire lecture, or even an entire course +of lectures, would suffice to expound their merits. But one curious fact, +connected with his case, I shall mention, because it seems to imply that +the blaze of his genius absolutely dazzled the eye of criminal justice. You +all remember, I doubt not, that the instruments with which he executed his +first great work, (the murder of the Marrs,) were a ship-carpenter's mallet +and a knife. Now the mallet belonged to an old Swede, one John Petersen, +and bore his initials. This instrument Williams left behind him, in Marr's +house, and it fell into the hands of the magistrates. Now, gentlemen, it +is a fact that the publication of this circumstance of the initials led +immediately to the apprehension of Williams, and, if made earlier, would +have prevented his second great work, (the murder of the Williamsons,) +which took place precisely twelve days after. But the magistrates kept back +this fact from the public for the entire twelve days, and until that second +work was accomplished. That finished, they published it, apparently feeling +that Williams had now done enough for his fame, and that his glory was at +length placed beyond the reach of accident. + +As to Mr. Thurtell's case, I know not what to say. Naturally, I have every +disposition to think highly of my predecessor in the chair of this society; +and I acknowledge that his lectures were unexceptionable. But, speaking +ingenuously, I do really think that his principal performance, as an +artist, has been much overrated. I admit that at first I was myself carried +away by the general enthusiasm. On the morning when the murder was made +known in London, there was the fullest meeting of amateurs that I have ever +known since the days of Williams; old bed-ridden connoisseurs, who had got +into a peevish way of sneering and complaining "that there was nothing +doing," now hobbled down to our club-room: such hilarity, such benign +expression of general satisfaction, I have rarely witnessed. On every side +you saw people shaking hands, congratulating each other, and forming +dinner parties for the evening; and nothing was to be heard but triumphant +challenges of--"Well! will _this_ do?" "Is _this_ the right thing?" "Are +you satisfied at last?" But, in the midst of this, I remember we all +grew silent on hearing the old cynical amateur, L. S----, that _laudator +temporis acti_, stumping along with his wooden leg; he entered the room +with his usual scowl, and, as he advanced, he continued to growl and +stutter the whole way--"Not an original idea in the whole piece--mere +plagiarism,--base plagiarism from hints that I threw out! Besides, his +style is as hard as Albert Durer, and as coarse as Fuseli." Many thought +that this was mere jealousy, and general waspishness; but I confess that, +when the first glow of enthusiasm had subsided, I have found most judicious +critics to agree that there was something _falsetto_ in the style of +Thurtell. The fact is, he was a member of our society, which naturally gave +a friendly bias to our judgments; and his person was universally familiar +to the cockneys, which gave him, with the whole London public, a temporary +popularity, that his pretensions are not capable of supporting; for +_opinionum commenta delet dies, naturæ judicia confirmat_. There was, +however, an unfinished design of Thurtell's for the murder of a man with a +pair of dumb-bells, which I admired greatly; it was a mere outline, that he +never completed; but to my mind it seemed every way superior to his chief +work. I remember that there was great regret expressed by some amateurs +that this sketch should have been left in an unfinished state: but there +I cannot agree with them; for the fragments and first bold outlines of +original artists have often a felicity about them which is apt to vanish in +the management of the details. + +The case of the M'Keands I consider far beyond the vaunted performance of +Thurtell,--indeed above all praise; and bearing that relation, in fact, to +the immortal works of Williams, which the Æneid bears to the Iliad. + +But it is now time that I should say a few words about the principles of +murder, not with a view to regulate your practice, but your judgment: as +to old women, and the mob of newspaper readers, they are pleased with +anything, provided it is bloody enough. But the mind of sensibility +requires something more. _First_, then, let us speak of the kind of person +who is adapted to the purpose of the murderer; _secondly_, of the place +where; _thirdly_, of the time when, and other little circumstances. + +As to the person, I suppose it is evident that he ought to be a good man; +because, if he were not, he might himself, by possibility, be contemplating +murder at the very time; and such "diamond-cut-diamond" tussles, though +pleasant enough where nothing better is stirring, are really not what a +critic can allow himself to call murders. I could mention some people (I +name no names) who have been murdered by other people in a dark lane; and +so far all seemed correct enough; but, on looking farther into the matter, +the public have become aware that the murdered party was himself, at the +moment, planning to rob his murderer, at the least, and possibly to murder +him, if he had been strong enough. Whenever that is the case, or may be +thought to be the case, farewell to all the genuine effects of the art. For +the final purpose of murder, considered as a fine art, is precisely the +same as that of tragedy, in Aristotle's account of it, viz., "to cleanse +the heart by means of pity and terror." Now, terror there may be, but how +can there be any pity for one tiger destroyed by another tiger? + +It is also evident that the person selected ought not to be a public +character. For instance, no judicious artist would have attempted to murder +Abraham Newland. For the case was this; everybody read so much about +Abraham Newland, and so few people ever saw him, that there was a fixed +belief that he was an abstract idea. And I remember that once, when I +happened to mention that I had dined at a coffee-house in company with +Abraham Newland, everybody looked scornfully at me, as though I had +pretended to have played at billiards with Prester John, or to have had an +affair of honor with the Pope. And, by the way, the Pope would be a very +improper person to murder: for he has such a virtual ubiquity as the father +of Christendom, and, like the cuckoo, is so often heard but never seen, +that I suspect most people regard _him_ also as an abstract idea. Where, +indeed, a public character is in the habit of giving dinners, "with every +delicacy of the season," the case is very different: every person is +satisfied that _he_ is no abstract idea; and, therefore, there can be no +impropriety in murdering him; only that his murder will fall into the class +of assassinations, which I have not yet treated. + +_Thirdly_. The subject chosen ought to be in good health: for it is +absolutely barbarous to murder a sick person, who is usually quite unable +to bear it. On this principle, no cockney ought to be chosen who is above +twenty-five, for after that age he is sure to be dyspeptic. Or at least, if +a man will hunt in that warren, he ought to murder a couple at one time; if +the cockneys chosen should be tailors, he will of course think it his duty, +on the old established equation, to murder eighteen. And, here, in this +attention to the comfort of sick people, you will observe the usual effect +of a fine art to soften and refine the feelings. The world in general, +gentlemen, are very bloody-minded; and all they want in a murder is a +copious effusion of blood; gaudy display in this point is enough for +_them_. But the enlightened connoisseur is more refined in his taste; +and from our art, as from all the other liberal arts when thoroughly +cultivated, the result is--to improve and to humanize the heart; so true is +it, that-- + + ----"Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes, + Emollit mores, nec sinit esse feros." + +A philosophic friend, well known for his philanthropy and general +benignity, suggests that the subject chosen ought also to have a family of +young children wholly dependent on his exertions, by way of deepening the +pathos. And, undoubtedly, this is a judicious caution. Yet I would not +insist too keenly on this condition. Severe good taste unquestionably +demands it; but still, where the man was otherwise unobjectionable in point +of morals and health, I would not look with too curious a jealousy to a +restriction which might have the effect of narrowing the artist's sphere. + +So much for the person. As to the time, the place, and the tools, I have +many things to say, which at present I have no room for. The good sense of +the practitioner has usually directed him to night and privacy. Yet +there have not been wanting cases where this rule was departed from with +excellent effect. In respect to time, Mrs. Ruscombe's case is a beautiful +exception, which I have already noticed; and in respect both to time and +place, there is a fine exception in the annals of Edinburgh, (year 1805,) +familiar to every child in Edinburgh, but which has unaccountably been +defrauded of its due portion of fame amongst English amateurs. The case +I mean is that of a porter to one of the banks, who was murdered whilst +carrying a bag of money, in broad daylight, on turning out of the High +Street, one of the most public streets in Europe, and the murderer is to +this hour undiscovered. + + "Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tcmpus, + Singula dum capti circumvectamur amore." + +And now, gentlemen, in conclusion, let me again solemnly disclaim all +pretensions on my own part to the character of a professional man. I never +attempted any murder in my life, except in the year 1801, upon the body of +a tom-cat; and _that_ turned out differently from my intention. My +purpose, I own, was downright murder. "Semper ego auditor tantum?" said I, +"nunquamne reponam?" And I went down stairs in search of Tom at one o'clock +on a dark night, with the "animus," and no doubt with the fiendish looks, +of a murderer. But when I found him, he was in the act of plundering the +pantry of bread and other things. Now this gave a new turn to the affair; +for the time being one of general scarcity, when even Christians were +reduced to the use of potato-bread, rice-bread, and all sorts of things, it +was downright treason in a tom-cat to be wasting good wheaten-bread in the +way he was doing. It instantly became a patriotic duty to put him to death; +and as I raised aloft and shook the glittering steel, I fancied myself +rising like Brutus, effulgent from a crowd of patriots, and, as I stabbed +him, I + + "called aloud on Tully's name, + And bade the father of his country hail!" + +Since then, what wandering thoughts I may have had of attempting the life +of an ancient ewe, of a superannuated hen, and such "small deer," are +locked up in the secrets of my own breast; but for the higher departments +of the art, I confess myself to be utterly unfit. My ambition does not rise +so high. No, gentlemen, in the words of Horace, + + "---fungos vice cotis, excutum + Reddere ere quæ ferrum valet, exsors ipsa secandi." + + + + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +DOCTOR NORTH: You are a liberal man: liberal in the true classical sense, +not in the slang sense of modern politicians and education-mongers. Being +so, I am sure that you will sympathize with my case. I am an ill-used man, +Dr. North--particularly ill used; and, with your permission, I will briefly +explain how. A black scene of calumny will be laid open; but you, Doctor, +will make all things square again. One frown from you, directed to the +proper quarter, or a warning shake of the crutch, will set me right in +public opinion, which at present, I am sorry to say, is rather hostile to +me and mine--all owing to the wicked arts of slanderers. But you shall +hear. + +A good many years ago you may remember that I came forward in the character +of a _dilettante_ in murder. Perhaps _dilettante_ may be too strong a word. +_Connoisseur_ is better suited to the scruples and infirmity of public +taste. I suppose there is no harm in _that_ at least. A man is not bound +to put his eyes, ears, and understanding into his breeches pocket when he +meets with a murder. If he is not in a downright comatose state, I suppose +he must see that one murder is better or worse than another in point of +good taste. Murders have their little differences and shades of merit as +well as statues, pictures, oratorios, cameos, intaglios, or what not. You +may be angry with the man for talking too much, or too publicly, (as to the +too much, that I deny--a man can never cultivate his taste too highly;) but +you must allow him to think, at any rate; and you, Doctor, you think, I am +sure, both deeply and correctly on the subject. Well, would you believe it? +all my neighbors came to hear of that little æsthetic essay which you had +published; and, unfortunately, hearing at the very same time of a club that +I as connected with, and a dinner at which I presided--both tending to the +same little object as the essay, viz., the diffusion of a just taste among +her majesty's subjects, they got up the most barbarous calumnies against +me. In particular, they said that I, or that the club, which comes to the +same thing, had offered bounties on well conducted homicides--with a scale +of drawbacks, in case of any one defect or flaw, according to a table +issued to private friends. Now, Doctor, I'll tell you the whole truth about +the dinner and the club, and you'll see how malicious the world is. But +first let me tell you, confidentially, what my real principles are upon the +matters in question. + +As to murder, I never committed one in my life. It's a well known thing +amongst all my friends. I can get a paper to certify as much, signed by +lots of people. Indeed, if you come to that, I doubt whether many +people could produce as strong a certificate. Mine would be as big as a +table-cloth. There is indeed one member of the club, who pretends to say +that he caught me once making too free with his throat on a club night, +after every body else had retired. But, observe, he shuffles in his story +according to his state of civilation. When not far gone, he contents +himself with saying that he caught me ogling his throat; and that I was +melancholy for some weeks after, and that my voice sounded in a way +expressing, to the nice ear of a connoisseur, _the sense of opportunities +lost_--but the club all know that he's a disappointed man himself, and that +he speaks querulously at times about the fatal neglect of a man's coming +abroad without his tools. Besides, all this is an affair between two +amateurs, and every body makes allowances for little asperities +and sorenesses in such a case. "But," say you, "If no murderer, my +correspondent may have encouraged, or even have bespoke a murder." No, upon +my honor--nothing of the kind. And that was the very point I wished to +argue for your satisfaction. The truth is, I am a very particular man in +everything relating to murder; and perhaps I carry my delicacy too far. The +Stagyrite most justly, and possibly with a view to my case, placed virtue +in the [Greek: to meson] or middle point between two extremes. A golden +mean is certainly what every man should aim at. But it is easier talking +than doing; and, my infirmity being notoriously too much milkiness of +heart, I find it difficult to maintain that steady equatorial line between +the two poles of too much murder on the one hand, and too little on the +other. I am too soft--Doctor, too soft; and people get excused through +me--nay, go through life without an attempt made upon them, that ought not +to be excused. I believe if I had the management of things, there would +hardly be a murder from year's end to year's end. In fact I'm for virtue, +and goodness, and all that sort of thing. And two instances I'll give you +to what an extremity I carry my virtue. The first may seem a trifle; but +not if you knew my nephew, who was certainly born to be hanged, and would +have been so long ago, but for my restraining voice. He is horribly +ambitious, and thinks himself a man of cultivated taste in most branches of +murder, whereas, in fact, he has not one idea on the subject, but such +as he has stolen from me. This is so well known, that the club has twice +blackballed him, though every indulgence was shown to him as my relative. +People came to me and said--"Now really, President, we would do much to +serve a relative of yours. But still, what can be said? You know yourself +that he'll disgrace us. If we were to elect him, why, the next thing we +should hear of would be some vile butcherly murder, by way of justifying +our choice. And what sort of a concern would it be? You know, as well as we +do, that it would be a disgraceful affair, more worthy of the shambles than +of an artist's _attelier_. He would fall upon some great big man, some huge +farmer returning drunk from a fair. There would be plenty of blood, and +_that_ he would expect us to take in lieu of taste, finish, scenical +grouping. Then, again, how would he tool? Why, most probably with a cleaver +and a couple of paving stones: so that the whole _coup d'oeil_ would remind +you rather of some hideous ogre or cyclops, than of the delicate operator +of the nineteenth century." The picture was drawn with the hand of truth; +_that_ I could not but allow, and, as to personal feelings in the matter, I +dismissed them from the first. The next morning I spoke to my nephew--I was +delicately situated, as you see, but I determined that no consideration +should induce me to flinch from my duty. "John," said I, "you seem to me to +have taken an erroneous view of life and its duties. Pushed on by ambition, +you are dreaming rather of what it might be glorious to attempt, than what +it would be possible for you to accomplish. Believe me, it is not necessary +to a man's respectability that he should commit a murder. Many a man has +passed through life most respectably, without attempting any species of +homicide--good, bad, or indifferent. It is your first duty to ask yourself, +_quid valeant humeri, quid ferre recusent_? we cannot all be brilliant men +in this life. And it is for your interest to be contented rather with a +humble station well filled, than to shock every body with failures, the +more conspicuous by contrast with the ostentation of their promises." John +made no answer, he looked very sulky at the moment, and I am in high +hopes that I have saved a near relation from making a fool of himself by +attempting what is as much beyond his capacity as an epic poem. Others, +however, tell me that he is meditating a revenge upon me and the whole +club. But let this be as it may, _liberavi animam meam_; and, as you see, +have run some risk with a wish to diminish the amount of homicide. But the +other case still more forcibly illustrates my virtue. A man came to me as +a candidate for the place of my servant, just then vacant. He had the +reputation of having dabbled a little in our art; some said not without +merit. What startled me, however, was, that he supposed this art to be +part of his regular duties in my service. Now that was a thing I would not +allow; so I said at once, "Richard (or James, as the case might be,) you +misunderstand my character. If a man will and must practise this difficult +(and allow me to add, dangerous) branch of art--if he has an overruling +genius for it, why, he might as well pursue his studies whilst living in my +service as in another's. And also, I may observe, that it can do no harm +either to himself or to the subject on whom he operates, that he should +be guided by men of more taste than himself. Genius may do much, but long +study of the art must always entitle a man to offer advice. So far I will +go--general principles I will suggest. But as to any particular case, once +for all I will have nothing to do with it. Never tell me of any special +work of art you are meditating--I set my face against it _in toto_. For if +once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think +little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and +Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once +begin upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many +a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought +little of at the time. _Principiis obsta_--that's my rule." Such was my +speech, and I have always acted up to it; so if that is not being virtuous, +I should be glad to know what is. But now about the dinner and the club. +The club was not particularly of my creation; it arose pretty much as other +similar associations, for the propagation of truth and the communication of +new ideas, rather from the necessities of things than upon any one man's +suggestion. As to the dinner, if any man more than another could be held +responsible for that, it was a member known amongst us by the name of +_Toad-in-the-hole_. He was so called from his gloomy misanthropical +disposition, which led him into constant disparagements of all modern +murders as vicious abortions, belonging to no authentic school of art. The +finest performances of our own age he snarled at cynically; and at length +this querulous humor grew upon him so much, and he became so notorious as a +_laudator tentporis acti_, that few people cared to seek his society. This +made him still more fierce and truculent. He went about muttering and +growling; wherever you met him he was soliloquizing and saying, "despicable +pretender--without grouping--without two ideas upon handling--without"--and +there you lost him. At length existence seemed to be painful to him; +he rarely spoke, he seemed conversing with phantoms in the air, his +housekeeper informed us that his reading was nearly confined to _God's +Revenge upon Murder_, by Reynolds, and a more ancient book of the same +title, noticed by Sir Walter Scott in his _Fortunes of Nigel_. Sometimes, +perhaps, he might read in the Newgate Calendar down to the year 1788, but +he never looked into a book more recent. In fact, he had a theory with +regard to the French Revolution, as having been the great cause of +degeneration in murder. "Very soon, sir," he used to say, "men will have +lost the art of killing poultry: the very rudiments of the art will +have perished!" In the year 1811 he retired from general society. +Toad-in-the-hole was no more seen in any public resort. We missed him from +his wonted haunts--nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he. By the side of +the main conduit his listless length at noontide he would stretch, and pore +upon the filth that muddled by. "Even dogs are not what they were, sir--not +what they should be. I remember in my grandfather's time that some dogs had +an idea of murder. I have known a mastiff lie in ambush for a rival, sir, +and murder him with pleasing circumstances of good taste. Yes, sir, I knew +a tom-cat that was an assassin. But now"--and then, the subject growing too +painful, he dashed his hand to his forehead, and went off abruptly in a +homeward direction towards his favorite conduit, where he was seen by an +amateur in such a state that he thought it dangerous to address him. Soon +after he shut himself entirely up; it was understood that he had resigned +himself to melancholy; and at length the prevailing notion was, that +Toad-in-the-hole had hanged himself. + +The world was wrong _there_, as it has been on some other questions. +Toad-in-the-hole might be sleeping, but dead he was not; and of that we +soon had ocular proof. One morning in 1812, an amateur surprised us with +the news that he had seen Toad-in-the-hole brushing with hasty steps the +dews away to meet the postman by the conduit side. Even that was something: +how much more, to hear that he had shaved his beard--had laid aside his +sad-colored clothes, and was adorned like a bridegroom of ancient days. +What could be the meaning of all this? Was Toad-in-the-hole mad? or how? +Soon after the secret was explained--in more than a figurative sense +"the murder was out." For in came the London morning papers, by which +it appeared that but three days before a murder, the most superb of the +century by many degrees had occurred in the heart of London. I need hardly +say, that this was the great exterminating _chef-d'oeuvre_ of Williams at +Mr. Marr's, No. 29, Ratcliffe Highway. That was the _début_ of the artist; +at least for anything the public knew. What occurred at Mr. Williamson's +twelve nights afterwards--the second work turned out from the same +chisel--some people pronounced even superior. But Toad-in-the-hole always +"reclaimed"--he was even angry at comparisons. "This vulgar _gout de +comparaison_, as La Bruyère calls it," he would often remark, "will be +our ruin; each work has its own separate characteristics--each in and for +itself is incomparable. One, perhaps, might suggest the _Iliad_--the other +the _Odyssey_: what do you get by such comparisons? Neither ever was, or +will be surpassed; and when you've talked for hours, you must still come +back to that." Vain, however, as all criticism might be, he often said that +volumes might be written on each case for itself; and he even proposed to +publish in quarto on the subject. + +Meantime, how had Toad-in-the-hole happened to hear of this great work +of art so early in the morning? He had received an account by express, +dispatched by a correspondent in London, who watched the progress of art On +_Toady's_ behalf, with a general commission to send off a special express, +at whatever cost, in the event of any estimable works appearing--how much +more upon occasion of a _ne plus ultra_ in art! The express arrived in the +night-time; Toad-in-the-hole was then gone to bed; he had been muttering +and grumbling for hours, but of course he was called up. On reading the +account, he threw his arms round the express, called him his brother and +his preserver; settled a pension upon him for three lives, and expressed +his regret at not having it in his power to knight him. We, on our part--we +amateurs, I mean--having heard that he was abroad, and therefore had _not_ +hanged himself, made sure of soon seeing him amongst us. Accordingly he +soon arrived, knocked over the porter on his road to the reading-room; he +seized every man's hand as he passed him--wrung it almost frantically, and +kept ejaculating, "Why, now here's something like a murder!--this is the +real thing--this is genuine--this is what you can approve, can recommend to +a friend: this--says every man, on reflection--this is the thing that ought +to be!" Then, looking at particular friends, he said--"Why, Jack, how are +you? Why, Tom, how are you? Bless me, you look ten years younger than +when I last saw you." "No, sir," I replied, "It is you who look ten years +younger." "Do I? well, I should'nt wonder if I did; such works are +enough to make us all young." And in fact the general opinion is, that +Toad-in-the-hole would have died but for this regeneration of art, which +he called a second age of Leo the Tenth; and it was our duty, he said +solemnly, to commemorate it. At present, and _en attendant_--rather as an +occasion for a public participation in public sympathy, than as in itself +any commensurate testimony of our interest--he proposed that the club +should meet and dine together. A splendid public dinner, therefore, was +given by the club; to which all amateurs were invited from a distance of +one hundred miles. + +Of this dinner there are ample short-hand notes amongst the archives of +the club. But they are not "extended," to speak diplomatically; and the +reporter is missing--I believe, murdered. Meantime, in years long after +that day, and on an occasion perhaps equally interesting, viz., the turning +up of Thugs and Thuggism, another dinner was given. Of this I myself kept +notes, for fear of another accident to the short-hand reporter. And I here +subjoin them. Toad-in-the-hole, I must mention, was present at this dinner. +In fact, it was one of its sentimental incidents. Being as old as the +valleys at the dinner of 1812, naturally he was as old as the hills at the +Thug dinner of 1838. He had taken to wearing his beard again; why, or with +what view, it passes my persimmon to tell you. But so it was. And his +appearance was most benign and venerable. Nothing could equal the angelic +radiance of his smile as he inquired after the unfortunate reporter, (whom, +as a piece of private scandal, I should tell you that he was himself +supposed to have murdered, in a rapture of creative art:) the answer was, +with roars of laughter, from the under-sheriff of our county--"Non est +inventus." Toad-in-the-hole laughed outrageously at this: in fact, we all +thought he was choking; and, at the earnest request of the company, a +musical composer furnished a most beautiful glee upon the occasion, +which was sung five times after dinner, with universal applause and +inextinguishable laughter, the words being these, (and the chorus +so contrived, as most beautifully to mimic the peculiar laughter of +Toad-in-the-hole:)-- + + "Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the hole--Ubi est ille reporter? + Et responsum est cum cachinno--Non est inventus." + + +CHORUS. + + "Deinde iteratum est ab omnibus, cum cachinnatione undulante-- + Non est inventus." + +Toad-in-the-hole, I ought to mention, about nine years before, when an +express from Edinburgh brought him the earliest intelligence of the +Burke-and-Hare revolution in the art, went mad upon the spot; and, instead +of a pension to the express for even one life, or a knighthood, endeavored +to burke him; in consequence of which he was put into a strait waistcoat. +And that was the reason we had no dinner then. But now all of us were alive +and kicking, strait-waistcoaters and others; in fact, not one absentee +was reported upon the entire roll. There were also many foreign amateurs +present. + +Dinner being over, and the cloth drawn, there was a general call made for +the new glee of _Non est inventus_; but, as this would have interfered with +the requisite gravity of the company during the earlier toasts, I overruled +the call. After the national toasts had been given, the first official +toast of the day was, _The Old Man of the Mountains_--drunk in solemn +silence. + +Toad-in-the-hole returned thanks in a neat speech. He likened himself to +the Old Man of the Mountains, in a few brief allusions, that made the +company absolutely yell with laughter; and he concluded with giving the +health of + +_Mr. Von Hammer_, with many thanks to him for his learned History of the +Old Man and his subjects the assassins. + +Upon this I rose and said, that doubtless most of the company were aware +of the distinguished place assigned by orientalists to the very learned +Turkish scholar Von Hammer the Austrian; that he had made the profoundest +researches into our art as connected with those early and eminent artists +the Syrian assassins in the period of the Crusaders; that his work had been +for several years deposited, as a rare treasure of art, in the library +of the club. Even the author's name, gentlemen, pointed him out as the +historian of our art--Von Hammer-- + +"Yes, yes," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, who never can sit still--"Yes, +yes, Von Hammer--he's the man for a _malleus hæreticorum_: think rightly +of our art, or he's the man to tickle your catastrophes. You all know what +consideration Williams bestowed on the hammer, or the ship carpenter's +mallet, which is the same thing. Gentlemen, I give you another great +hammer--Charles the Hammer, the Marteau, or, in old French, the Martel--he +hammered the Saracens till they were all as dead as door-nails--he did, +believe me." + +"_Charles Martel_, with all the honors." + +But the explosion of Toad-in-the-hole, together with the uproarious cheers +for the grandpapa of Charlemagne, had now made the company unmanageable. +The orchestra was again challenged with shouts the stormiest for the new +glee. I made again a powerful effort to overrule the challenge. I might +as well have talked to the winds. I foresaw a tempestuous evening; and I +ordered myself to be strengthened with three waiters on each side; the +vice-president with as many. Symptoms of unruly enthusiasm were beginning +to show out; and I own that I myself was considerably excited as the +orchestra opened with its storm of music, and the impassioned glee +began--"_Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Reporter_?" +And the frenzy of the passion became absolutely convulsing, as the full +chorus fell in--"_Et iteratum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus_" + +By this time I saw how things were going: wine and music were making most +of the amateurs wild. Particularly Toad-in-the-hole, though considerably +above a hundred years old, was getting as vicious as a young leopard. It +was a fixed impression with the company that he had murdered the reporter +in the year 1812; since which time (viz. twenty-six years) "ille reporter" +had been constantly reported "Non est inventus." Consequently, the glee +about himself, which of itself was most tumultuous and jubilant, carried +him off his feet. Like the famous choral songs amongst the citizens of +Abdera, nobody could hear it without a contagious desire for falling back +into the agitating music of "Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole," &c. +I enjoined vigilance upon my assessors, and the business of the evening +proceeded. + +The next toast was--_The Jewish Sicarii_. + +Upon which I made the following explanation to the company:--"Gentlemen, +I am sure it will interest you all to hear that the assassins, ancient as +they were, had a race of predecessors in the very same country. All over +Syria, but particularly in Palestine, during the early years of the Emperor +Nero, there was a band of murderers, who prosecuted their studies in a very +novel manner. They did not practise in the night-time, or in lonely places; +but justly considering that great crowds are in themselves a sort of +darkness by means of the dense pressure and the impossibility of finding +out who it was that gave the blow, they mingled with mobs everywhere; +particularly at the great paschal feast in Jerusalem; where they actually +had the audacity, as Josephus assures us, to press into the temple,--and +whom should they choose for operating upon but Jonathan himself, the +Pontifex Maximus? They murdered him, gentlemen, as beautifully as if they +had had him alone on a moonless night in a dark lane. And when it was +asked, who was the murderer, and where he was"-- + +"Why, then, it was answered," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, "_Non est +inventus_." And then, in spite of all I could do or say, the +orchestra opened, and the whole company began--"Et interrogatum est à +Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Sicarius? Et responsum est ab omnibus--_Non +est inventus_." + +When the tempestuous chorus had subsided, I began again:--"Gentlemen, you +will find a very circumstantial account of the Sicarii in at least three +different parts of Josephus; once in Book XX. sect. v. c. 8, of his +_Antiquities_; once in Book I. of his _Wars_: but in sect. 10 of the +chapter first cited you will find a particular description of their +tooling. This is what he says--'They tooled with small scymetars not much +different from the Persian _acinacæ_, but more curved, and for all the +world most like the Roman sickles or _sicæ_.' It is perfectly magnificent, +gentlemen, to hear the sequel of their history. Perhaps the only case +on record where a regular army of murderers was assembled, a _justus +exercitus_, was in the case of these _Sicarii_. They mustered in such +strength in the wilderness, that Festus himself was obliged to march +against them with the Roman legionary force." + +Upon which Toad-in-the-hole, that cursed interrupter, broke out +a-singing--"Et interrogatum est à Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille exercitus? +Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + +"No, no, Toad--you are wrong for once: that army _was_ found, and was all +cut to pieces in the desert. Heavens, gentlemen, what a sublime picture! +The Roman legions--the wilderness--Jerusalem in the distance--an army of +murderers in the foreground!" + +Mr. R., a member, now gave the next toast--"To the further improvement of +Tooling, and thanks to the Committee for their services." + +Mr. L., on behalf of the committee who had reported on that subject, +returned thanks. He made an interesting extract from the report, by which +it appeared how very much stress had been laid formerly on the mode of +tooling, by the fathers, both Greek and Latin. In confirmation of this +pleasing fact, he made a very striking statement in reference to the +earliest work of antediluvian art. Father Mersenne, that learned Roman +Catholic, in page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one[1] of his +operose Commentary on Genesis, mentions, on the authority of several +rabbis, that the quarrel of Cain with Abel was about a young woman; that, +by various accounts, Cain had tooled with his teeth, [Abelem fuisse +_morsibus_ dilaceratum à Cain;] by many others, with the jaw-bone of an +ass; which is the tooling adopted by most painters. But it is pleasing to +the mind of sensibility to know that, as science expanded, sounder views +were adopted. One author contends for a pitchfork, St. Chrysostom for a +sword, Irenæus for a scythe, and Prudentius for a hedging-bill. This last +writer delivers his opinion thus:-- + + "Frater, probatæ sanctitatis æmulus, + Germana curvo colla frangit sarculo:" + +_i.e_. his brother, jealous of his attested sanctity, fractures his +brotherly throat with a curved hedging-bill. "All which is respectfully +submitted by your committee, not so much as decisive of the question, (for +it is not,) but in order to impress upon the youthful mind the importance +which has ever been attached to the quality of the tooling by such men as +Chrysostom and Irenæus." + +[Footnote 1: "Page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one"--_literally_, +good reader, and no joke at all.] + +"Dang Irenæus!" said Toad-in-the-hole, who now rose impatiently to give the +next toast:--"Our Irish friends; and a speedy revolution in their mode of +tooling, as well as everything else connected with the art!" + +"Gentlemen, I'll tell you the plain truth. Every day of the year we take +up a paper, we read the opening of a murder. We say, this is good, this +is charming, this is excellent! But, behold you! scarcely have we read a +little farther, before the word Tipperary or Ballina-something betrays the +Irish manufacture. Instantly we loath it; we call to the waiter; we say, +Waiter, take away this paper; send it out of the house; it is absolutely +offensive to all just taste.' I appeal to every man whether, on finding a +murder (otherwise perhaps promising enough) to be Irish, he does not feel +himself as much insulted as when Madeira being ordered, he finds it to be +Cape; or when, taking up what he takes to be a mushroom, it turns out +what children call a toad-stool. Tithes, politics, or something wrong in +principle, vitiate every Irish murder. Gentlemen, this must be reformed, or +Ireland will not be a land to live in; at least, if we do live there, we +must import all our murders, that's clear." Toad-in-the-hole sat +down growling with suppressed wrath, and the universal "Hear, hear!" +sufficiently showed that he spoke the general feeling. + +The next toast was--"The sublime epoch of Burkism and Harism!" + +This was drunk with enthusiasm; and one of the members, who spoke to the +question, made a very curious communication to the company:--"Gentlemen, +we fancy Burkism to be a pure invention of our own times: and in fact no +Pancirollus has ever enumerated this branch of art when writing _de rebus +deperditis_. Still I have ascertained that the essential principle of the +art _was_ known to the ancients, although like the art of painting upon +glass, of making the myrrhine cups, &c., it was lost in the dark ages for +want of encouragement. In the famous collection of Greek epigrams made +by Planudes is one upon a very charming little case of Burkism: it is a +perfect little gem of art. The epigram itself I cannot lay my hand upon at +this moment, but the following is an abstract of it by Salmasius, as I find +it in his notes on Vopiscus: 'Est et elegans epigramma Lucilii, (well +he might call it "elegans!") ubi medicus et pollinctor de compacto sic +egerunt, ut medicus ægros omnes curæ suæ commissos occideret:' this was +the basis of the contract, you see, that on the one part the doctor, for +himself and his assigns, doth undertake and contract duly and truly to +murder all the patients committed to his charge: but why? There lies the +beauty of the case--'Et ut pollinctori amico suo traderet pollingendos.' +The _pollinctor_, you are aware, was a person whose business it was to +dress and prepare dead bodies for burial. The original ground of the +transaction appears to have been sentimental: 'He was my friend,' says the +murderous doctor; 'he was dear to me,' in speaking of the pollinctor. But +the law, gentlemen, is stern and harsh: the law will not hear of these +tender motives: to sustain a contract of this nature in law, it is +essential that a 'consideration' should be given. Now what _was_ the +consideration? For thus far all is on the side of the pollinctor: he +will be well paid for his services; but, meantime, the generous, the +noble-minded doctor gets nothing. What _was_ the little consideration +again, I ask, which the law would insist on the doctor's taking? You shall +hear: 'Et ut pollinctor vicissim [Greek: telamonas] quos furabatur de +pollinctione mortuorum medico mitteret doni ad alliganda vulnera eorurn +quos curabat.' Now, the case is clear: the whole went on a principle of +reciprocity which would have kept up the trade for ever. The doctor was +also a surgeon: he could not murder _all_ his patients: some of the +surgical patients must be retained intact; _re infectâ_. For these he +wanted linen bandages. But, unhappily, the Romans wore woollen, on which +account they bathed so often. Meantime, there _was_ linen to be had in +Rome; but it was monstrously dear; and the [Greek: telamones] or linen +swathing bandages, in which superstition obliged them to bind up corpses, +would answer capitally for the surgeon. The doctor, therefore, contracts to +furnish his friend with a constant succession of corpses, provided, and be +it understood always, that his said friend in return should supply him with +one half of the articles he would receive from the friends of the parties +murdered or to be murdered. The doctor invariably recommended his +invaluable friend the pollinctor, (whom let us call the undertaker;) the +undertaker, with equal regard to the sacred rights of friendship, uniformly +recommended the doctor. Like Pylades and Orestes, they were models of a +perfect friendship: in their lives they were lovely, and on the gallows, it +is to be hoped, they were not divided. + +"Gentlemen, it makes me laugh horribly, when I think of those two friends +drawing and redrawing on each other: 'Pollinctor in account with Doctor, +debtor by sixteen corpses; creditor by forty-five bandages, two of which +damaged.' Their names unfortunately are lost; but I conceive they must have +been Quintus Burkius and Publius Harius. By the way, gentlemen, has anybody +heard lately of Hare? I understand he is comfortably settled in Ireland, +considerably to the west, and does a little business now and then; but, as +he observes with a sigh, only as a retailer--nothing like the fine thriving +wholesale concern so carelessly blown up at Edinburgh. 'You see what comes +of neglecting business,'--is the chief moral, the [Greek: epimutheon], +as Æsop would say, which he draws from his past experience." + +At length came the toast of the day--_Thugdom in all its branches_. + +The speeches _attempted_ at this crisis of the dinner were past all +counting. But the applause was so furious, the music so stormy, and the +crashing of glasses so incessant, from the general resolution never again +to drink an inferior toast from the same glass, that my power is not equal +to the task of reporting. Besides which, Toad-in-the-hole now became quite +ungovernable. He kept firing pistols in every direction; sent his servant +for a blunderbuss, and talked of loading with ball-cartridge. We conceived +that his former madness had returned at the mention of Burke and Hare; or +that, being again weary of life, he had resolved to go off in a general +massacre. This we could not think of allowing: it became indispensable, +therefore, to kick him out, which we did with universal consent, the whole +company lending their toes _uno pede_, as I may say, though pitying his +gray hairs and his angelic smile. During the operation the orchestra poured +in their old chorus. The universal company sang, and (what surprised us +most of all) Toad-in-the-hole joined us furiously in singing-- + + "Et interrogatum est ab omnibus--Ubi est ille Toad-in-the-hole + Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + + + + +JOAN OF ARC[1] + +IN REFERENCE TO M. MICHELET'S HISTORY OF FRANCE. + + +What is to be thought of _her_? What is to be thought of the poor shepherd +girl from the hills and forests of Lorraine, that--like the Hebrew shepherd +boy from the hills and forests of Judæa--rose suddenly out of the quiet, +out of the safety, out of the religious inspiration, rooted in deep +pastoral solitudes, to a station in the van of armies, and to the more +perilous station at the right hand of kings? The Hebrew boy inaugurated his +patriotic mission by an _act_, by a victorious _act_, such as no man could +deny. But so did the girl of Lorraine, if we read her story as it was read +by those who saw her nearest. Adverse armies bore witness to the boy as no +pretender: but so they did to the gentle girl. Judged by the voices of all +who saw them _from a station of good will_, both were found true and loyal +to any promises involved in their first acts. Enemies it was that made the +difference between their subsequent fortunes. The boy rose--to a splendor +and a noon-day prosperity, both personal and public, that rang through the +records of his people, and became a byeword amongst his posterity for a +thousand years, until the sceptre was departing from Judah. The poor, +forsaken girl, on the contrary, drank not herself from that cup of rest +which she had secured for France. She never sang together with the songs +that rose in her native Domrémy, as echoes to the departing steps of +invaders. She mingled not in the festal dances at Vaucouleurs which +celebrated in rapture the redemption of France. No! for her voice was then +silent: No! for her feet were dust. Pure, innocent, noble-hearted girl! +whom, from earliest youth, ever I believed in as full of truth and +self-sacrifice, this was amongst the strongest pledges for _thy_ side, +that never once--no, not for a moment of weakness--didst thou revel in the +vision of coronets and honor from man. Coronets for thee! O no! Honors, if +they come when all is over, are for those that share thy blood.[2] Daughter +of Domrémy, when the gratitude of thy king shall awaken, thou wilt be +sleeping the sleep of the dead. Call her, King of France, but she will not +hear thee! Cite her by thy apparitors to come and receive a robe of honor, +but she will be found _en contumace_. When the thunders of universal +France, as even yet may happen, shall proclaim the grandeur of the poor +shepherd girl that gave up all for her country--thy ear, young shepherd +girl, will have been deaf for five centuries. To suffer and to do, that was +thy portion in this life; to _do_--never for thyself, always for others; +to _suffer_--never in the persons of generous champions, always in thy +own--that was thy destiny; and not for a moment was it hidden from thyself. +Life, thou saidst, is short: and the sleep which is in the grave, is long! +Let me use that life, so transitory, for the glory of those heavenly dreams +destined to comfort the sleep which is so long. This pure creature--pure +from every suspicion of even a visionary self-interest, even as she was +pure in senses more obvious--never once did this holy child, as regarded +herself, relax from her belief in the darkness that was travelling to meet +her. She might not prefigure the very manner of her death; she saw not in +vision, perhaps, the aërial altitude of the fiery scaffold, the spectators +without end on every road pouring into Rouen as to a coronation, the +surging smoke, the volleying flames, the hostile faces all around, the +pitying eye that lurked but here and there until nature and imperishable +truth broke loose from artificial restraints; these might not be apparent +through the mists of the hurrying future. But the voice that called her to +death, _that_ she heard for ever. + +Great was the throne of France even in those days, and great was he that +sate upon it: but well Joanna knew that not the throne, nor he that sate +upon it, was for _her_; but, on the contrary, that she was for _them_; not +she by them, but they by her, should rise from the dust. Gorgeous were +the lilies of France, and for centuries had the privilege to spread their +beauty over land and sea, until, in another century, the wrath of God and +man combined to wither them; but well Joanna knew, early at Domrémy she had +read that bitter truth, that the lilies of France would decorate no garland +for _her_. Flower nor bud, bell nor blossom, would ever bloom for _her_. + +But stop. What reason is there for taking up this subject of Joanna +precisely in this spring of 1847? Might it not have been left till the +spring of 1947? or, perhaps, left till called for? Yes, but it _is_ called +for; and clamorously. You are aware, reader, that amongst the many original +thinkers, whom modern France has produced, one of the reputed leaders is M. +Michelet. All these writers are of a revolutionary cast; not in a political +sense merely, but in all senses; mad, oftentimes, as March hares; crazy +with the laughing-gas of recovered liberty; drunk with the wine-cup of +their mighty Revolution, snorting, whinnying, throwing up their heels, like +wild horses in the boundless pampas, and running races of defiance with +snipes, or with the winds, or with their own shadows, if they can find +nothing else to challenge. Some time or other, I, that have leisure to +read, may introduce _you_, that have not, to two or three dozen of these +writers; of whom I can assure you beforehand that they are often profound, +and at intervals are even as impassioned as if they were come of our best +English blood, and sometimes (because it is not pleasant that people should +be too easy to understand) almost as obscure as if they had been suckled +by transcendental German nurses. But now, confining our attention to M. +Michelet--who is quite sufficient to lead a man into a gallop, requiring +two relays, at least, of fresh readers,--we in England--who know him best +by his worst book, the book against Priests, &c., which has been most +circulated--know him disadvantageously. That book is a rhapsody of +incoherence. M. Michelet was light-headed, I believe, when he wrote it: +and it is well that his keepers overtook him in time to intercept a second +part. But his _History of France_ is quite another thing. A man, in +whatsoever craft he sails, cannot stretch away out of sight when he is +linked to the windings of the shore by towing ropes of history. Facts, and +the consequences of facts, draw the writer back to the falconer's lure from +the giddiest heights of speculation. Here, therefore--in his _France_,--if +not always free from flightiness, if now and then off like a rocket for +an airy wheel in the clouds, M. Michelet, with natural politeness, never +forgets that he has left a large audience waiting for him on earth, and +gazing upwards in anxiety for his return: return, therefore, he does. But +History, though clear of certain temptations in one direction, has separate +dangers of its own. It is impossible so to write a History of France, or +of England--works becoming every hour more indispensable to the +inevitably-political man of this day--without perilous openings for +assault. If I, for instance, on the part of England, should happen to turn +my labors into that channel, and (on the model of Lord Percy going to Chevy +Chase)-- + + ----"A vow to God should make + My pleasure in the Michelet woods + Three summer days to take," + +--probably from simple delirium, I might hunt M. Michelet into _delirium +tremens_. Two strong angels stand by the side of History, whether French +History or English, as heraldic supporters: the angel of Research on the +left hand, that must read millions of dusty parchments, and of pages +blotted with lies; the angel of Meditation on the right hand, that must +cleanse these lying records with fire, even as of old the draperies of +_asbestos_ were cleansed, and must quicken them into regenerated life. +Willingly I acknowledge that no man will ever avoid innumerable errors of +detail: with so vast a compass of ground to traverse, this is impossible: +but such errors (though I have a bushel on hand, at M. Michelet's service) +are not the game I chase: it is the bitter and unfair spirit in which +M. Michelet writes against England. Even _that_, after all, is but my +secondary object: the real one is Joanna, the Pucelle d'Orleans for +herself. + +I am not going to write the History of _La Pucelle_: to do this, or even +circumstantially to report the history of her persecution and bitter death, +of her struggle with false witnesses and with ensnaring judges, it would +be necessary to have before us _all_ the documents, and, therefore, the +collection only now forthcoming in Paris. But _my_ purpose is narrower. +There have been great thinkers, disdaining the careless judgments of +contemporaries, who have thrown themselves boldly on the judgment of a far +posterity, that should have had time to review, to ponder, to compare. +There have been great actors on the stage of tragic humanity that might, +with the same depth of confidence, have appealed from the levity of +compatriot friends--too heartless for the sublime interest of their story, +and too impatient for the labor of sifting its perplexities--to the +magnanimity and justice of enemies. To this class belongs the Maid of Arc. +The Romans were too faithful to the ideal of grandeur in themselves not +to relent, after a generation or two, before the grandeur of Hannibal. +Mithridates--a more doubtful person--yet, merely for the magic perseverance +of his indomitable malice, won from the same Romans the only real honor +that ever he received on earth. And we English have ever shown the same +homage to stubborn enmity. To work unflinchingly for the ruin of England; +to say through life, by word and by deed--_Delenda est Anglia Victrix_! +that one purpose of malice, faithfully pursued, has quartered some people +upon our national funds of homage as by a perpetual annuity. Better than an +inheritance of service rendered to England herself, has sometimes proved +the most insane hatred to England. Hyder Ali, even his far inferior son +Tippoo, and Napoleon, have all benefited by this disposition amongst +ourselves to exaggerate the merit of diabolic enmity. Not one of these men +was ever capable, in a solitary instance, of praising an enemy--[what +do you say to _that_, reader?] and yet in _their_ behalf, we consent to +forget, not their crimes only, but (which is worse) their hideous bigotry +and anti-magnanimous egotism; for nationality it was not. Suffrein, and +some half dozen of other French nautical heroes, because rightly they did +us all the mischief they could, [which was really great] are names justly +reverenced in England. On the same principle, La Pucelle d'Orleans, the +victorious enemy of England, has been destined to receive her deepest +commemoration from the magnanimous justice of Englishmen. + +Joanna, as we in England should call her, but, according to her own +statement, Jeanne (or, as M. Michelet asserts, Jean[3]) d'Arc, was born at +Domrémy, a village on the marshes of Lorraine and Champagne, and dependent +upon the town of Vaucouleurs. I have called her a Lorrainer, not simply +because the word is prettier, but because Champagne too odiously reminds +us English of what are for _us_ imaginary wines, which, undoubtedly, _La +Pucelle_ tasted as rarely as we English; we English, because the Champagne +of London is chiefly grown in Devonshire; _La Pucelle_, because the +Champagne of Champagne never, by any chance, flowed into the fountain of +Domrémy, from which only she drank. M. Michelet will have her to be a +_Champenoise_, and for no better reason than that she "took after her +father," who happened to be a _Champenoise_. I am sure she did _not_: for +her father was a filthy old fellow, whom I shall soon teach the judicious +reader to hate. But, (says M. Michelet, arguing the case physiologically) +"she had none of the Lorrainian asperity;" no, it seems she had only "the +gentleness of Champagne, its simplicity mingled with sense and acuteness, +as you find it in Joinville." All these things she had; and she was worth a +thousand Joinvilles, meaning either the prince so called, or the fine old +crusader. But still, though I love Joanna dearly, I cannot shut my eyes +entirely to the Lorraine element of "asperity" in her nature. No; really +now, she must have had a shade of _that_, though very slightly developed--a +mere soupçon, as French cooks express it in speaking of cayenne pepper, +when she caused so many of our English throats to be cut. But could she do +less? No; I always say so; but still you never saw a person kill even a +trout with a perfectly "Champagne" face of "gentleness and simplicity," +though, often, no doubt, with considerable "acuteness." All your cooks and +butchers wear a _Lorraine_ cast of expression. + +These disputes, however, turn on refinements too nice. Domrémy stood +upon the frontiers; and, like other frontiers, produced a _mixed_ race +representing the _cis_ and the _trans_. A river (it is true) formed the +boundary line at this point--the river Meuse; and _that_, in old days, +might have divided the populations; but in these days it did not--there +were bridges, there were ferries, and weddings crossed from the right bank +to the left. Here lay two great roads, not so much for travellers, that +were few, as for armies that were too many by half. These two roads, one of +which was the great high road between France and Germany, _decussated_ at +this very point; which is a learned way of saying that they formed a St. +Andrew's cross, or letter X. I hope the compositor will choose a good large +X, in which case the point of intersection, the _locus_ of conflux for +these four diverging arms, will finish the reader's geographical education, +by showing him to a hair's breadth where it was that Domrémy stood. These +roads, so grandly situated, as great trunk arteries between two mighty +realms,[4] and haunted for ever by wars or rumors of wars, decussated (for +anything I know to the contrary) absolutely under Joanna's bed-room window; +one rolling away to the right, past Monsieur D'Arc's old barn, and the +other unaccountably preferring (but there's no disputing about tastes) to +sweep round that odious man's odious pigstye to the left. + +Things being situated as is here laid down, viz. in respect of the +decussation, and in respect of Joanna's bed-room; it follows that, if she +had dropped her glove by accident from her chamber window into the very +bull's eye of the target, in the centre of X, not one of several great +potentates could (though all animated by the sincerest desires for the +peace of Europe) have possibly come to any clear understanding on the +question of whom the glove was meant for. Whence the candid reader +perceives at once the necessity for at least four bloody wars. Falling +indeed a little farther, as, for instance, into the pigstye, the glove +could not have furnished to the most peppery prince any shadow of excuse +for arming: he would not have had a leg to stand upon in taking such a +perverse line of conduct. But, if it fell (as by the hypothesis it did) +into the one sole point of ground common to four kings, it is clear that, +instead of no leg to stand upon, eight separate legs would have had +no ground to stand upon unless by treading on each other's toes. The +philosopher, therefore, sees clearly the necessity of a war, and regrets +that sometimes nations do not wait for grounds of war so solid. + +In the circumstances supposed, though the four kings might be unable to +see their way clearly without the help of gunpowder to any decision upon +Joanna's intention, she--poor thing!--never could mistake her intentions +for a moment. All her love was for France; and, therefore, any glove +she might drop into the _quadrivium_ must be wickedly missent by the +post-office, if it found its way to any king but the king of France. + +On whatever side of the border chance had thrown Joanna, the same love to +France would have been nurtured. For it is a strange fact, noticed by M. +Michelet and others, that the Dukes of Bar and Lorraine had for generations +pursued the policy of eternal warfare with France on their own account, yet +also of eternal amity and league with France in case anybody else presumed +to attack her. Let peace settle upon France, and before long you might rely +upon seeing the little vixen Lorraine flying at the throat of France. Let +Franco be assailed by a formidable enemy, and instantly you saw a Duke of +Lorraine or Bar insisting on having his throat cut in support of France; +which favor accordingly was cheerfully granted to them in three great +successive battles by the English and by the Turkish sultan, viz., at +Crécy, at Nicopolis, and at Agincourt. + +This sympathy with France during great eclipses, in those that during +ordinary seasons were always teasing her with brawls and guerilla inroads, +strengthened the natural piety to France of those that were confessedly +the children of her own house. The outposts of France, as one may call the +great frontier provinces, were of all localities the most devoted to the +Flours de Lys. To witness, at any great crisis, the generous devotion to +these lilies of the little fiery cousin that in gentler weather was for +ever tilting at her breast, could not bin fan the zeal of the legitimate +daughter: whilst to occupy a post of honor on the frontiers against an old +hereditary enemy of France, would naturally have stimulated this zeal by a +sentiment of martial pride, had there even been no other stimulant to zeal +by a sense of danger always threatening, and of hatred always smouldering. +That great four-headed road was a perpetual memento to patriotic ardor. +To say, this way lies the road to Paris--and that other way to +Aix-la-Chapelle, this to Prague, that to Vienna--nourished the warfare of +the heart by daily ministrations of sense. The eye that watched for the +gleams of lance or helmet from the hostile frontier, the ear that listened +for the groaning of wheels, made the high road itself, with its relations +to centres so remote, into a manual of patriotic enmity. + +The situation, therefore, _locally_ of Joanna was full of profound +suggestions to a heart that listened for the stealthy steps of change and +fear that too surely were in motion. But if the place were grand, the +times, the burthen of the times, was far more so. The air overhead in its +upper chambers were _hurtling_ with the obscure sound; was dark with sullen +fermenting of storms that had been gathering for a hundred and thirty +years. The battle of Agincourt in Joanna's childhood had re-opened the +wounds of France. Crécy and Poictiers, those withering overthrows for the +chivalry of France, had been tranquillized by more than half a century; but +this resurrection of their trumpet wails made the whole series of battles +and endless skirmishes take their stations as parts in one drama. The +graves that had closed sixty years ago, seemed to fly open in sympathy +with a sorrow that echoed their own. The monarchy of France labored in +extremity, rocked and reeled like a ship fighting with the darkness of +monsoons. The madness of the poor king (Charles VI.) falling in at such a +crisis, like the case of women laboring in childbirth during the storming +of a city, trebled the awfulness of the time. Even the wild story of +the incident which had immediately occasioned the explosion of this +madness--the case of a man unknown, gloomy, and perhaps maniacal himself, +coming out of a forest at noon-day, laying his hand upon the bridle of +the king's horse, checking him for a moment to say, "Oh, King, thou art +betrayed," and then vanishing no man knew whither, as he had appeared for +no man knew what--fell in with the universal prostration of mind that laid +France on her knees as before the slow unweaving of some ancient prophetic +doom. The famines, the extraordinary diseases, the insurrections of the +peasantry up and down Europe, these were chords struck from the same +mysterious harp; but these were transitory chords. There had been others +of deeper and more sonorous sound. The termination of the Crusades, the +destruction of the Templars, the Papal interdicts, the tragedies caused or +suffered by the House of Anjou, by the Emperor--these were full of a more +permanent significance; but since then the colossal figure of feudalism was +seen standing as it were on tiptoe at Crécy for flight from earth: that was +a revolution unparalleled; yet _that_ was a trifle by comparison with the +more fearful revolutions that were mining below the Church. By her own +internal schisms, by the abominable spectacle of a double Pope--so that no +man, except through political bias, could even guess which was Heaven's +vicegerent, and which the creature of hell--she was already rehearsing, as +in still earlier forms she had rehearsed, the first rent in her foundations +(reserved for the coming century) which no man should ever heal. + +These were the loftiest peaks of the cloudland in the skies, that to the +scientific gazer first caught the colors of the _new_ morning in advance. +But the whole vast range alike of sweeping glooms overhead, dwelt upon all +meditative minds, even those that could not distinguish the altitudes nor +decipher the forms. It was, therefore, not her own age alone, as affected +by its immediate calamities, that lay with such weight upon Joanna's mind; +but her own age, as one section in a vast mysterious drama, unweaving +through a century back, and drawing nearer continually to crisis after +crisis. Cataracts and rapids were heard roaring ahead; and signs were seen +far back, by help of old men's memories, which answered secretly to signs +now coming forward on the eye, even as locks answer to keys. It was not +wonderful that in such a haunted solitude, with such a haunted heart, +Joanna should see angelic visions, and hear angelic voices. These voices +whispered to her the duty imposed upon herself, of delivering France. Five +years she listened to these monitory voices with internal struggles. At +length she could resist no longer. Doubt gave way; and she left her home in +order to present herself at the Dauphin's court. + +The education of this poor girl was mean according to the present standard: +was ineffably grand, according to a purer philosophic standard; and only +not good for our age, because for us it would be unattainable. She read +nothing, for she could not read; but she had heard others read parts of the +Roman martyrology. She wept in sympathy with the sad _Misereres_ of the +Romish chaunting; she rose to heaven with the glad triumphant _Gloria in +Excelcis_: she drew her comfort and her vital strength from the rites of +her church. But, next after these spiritual advantages, she owed most to +the advantages of her situation. The fountain of Domrémy was on the brink +of a boundless forest; and it was haunted to that degree by fairies that +the parish priest (_curé_) was obliged to read mass there once a year, in +order to keep them in any decent bounds. Fairies are important, even in a +statistical view; certain weeds mark poverty in the soil, fairies mark +its solitude. As surely as the wolf retires before cities, does the fairy +sequester herself from the haunts of licensed victuallers. A village is too +much for her nervous delicacy: at most, she can tolerate a distant view +of a hamlet. We may judge, therefore, by the uneasiness and extra trouble +which they gave to the parson, in what strength the fairies mustered at +Domrémy, and, by a satisfactory consequence, how thinly sown with men and +women must have been that region even in its inhabited spots. But the +forests of Domrémy--those were the glories of the land: for, in them abode +mysterious powers and ancient secrets that towered into tragic strength. +"Abbeys there were, and abbey windows, dim and dimly seen--as Moorish +temples of the Hindoos," that exercised even princely power both in +Lorraine and in the German Diets. These had their sweet bells that pierced +the forests for many a league at matins or vespers, and each its own dreamy +legend. Few enough, and scattered enough, were these abbeys, in no degree +to disturb the deep solitude of the region; many enough to spread a network +or awning of Christian sanctity over what else might have seemed a heathen +wilderness. This sort of religious talisman being secured, a man the most +afraid of ghosts (like myself, suppose, or the reader) becomes armed into +courage to wander for days in their sylvan recesses. The mountains of the +Vosges on the eastern frontier of France, have never attracted much notice +from Europe, except in 1813-14, for a few brief months, when they fell +within Napoleon's line of defence against the Allies. But they are +interesting for this, amongst other features--that they do not, like some +loftier ranges, repel woods: the forests and they are on sociable terms. +_Live and let live_ is their motto. For this reason, in part, these tracts +in Lorraine were a favorite hunting ground with the Carlovingian princes. +About six hundred years before Joanna's childhood, Charlemagne was known to +have hunted there. That, of itself, was a grand incident in the traditions +of a forest or a chase. In these vast forests, also, were to be found (if +the race was not extinct) those mysterious fawns that tempted solitary +hunters into visionary and perilous pursuits. Here was seen, at intervals, +that ancient stag who was already nine hundred years old, at the least, but +possibly a hundred or two more, when met by Charlemagne; and the thing +was put beyond doubt by the inscription upon his golden collar. I believe +Charlemagne knighted the stag; and, if ever he is met again by a king, he +ought to be made an earl--or, being upon the marches of France, a marquess. +Observe, I don't absolutely vouch for all these things: my own opinion +varies. On a fine breezy forenoon I am audaciously sceptical; but as +twilight sets in, my credulity becomes equal to anything that could be +desired. And I have heard candid sportsmen declare that, outside of these +very forests near the Vosges, they laughed loudly at all the dim tales +connected with their haunted solitudes; but, on reaching a spot notoriously +eighteen miles deep within them, they agreed with Sir Roger de Coverley +that a good deal might be said on both sides. + +Such traditions, or any others that (like the stag) connect distant +generations with each other, are, for that cause, sublime; and the sense of +the shadowy, connected with such appearances that reveal themselves or not +according to circumstances, leaves a coloring of sanctity over ancient +forests, even in those minds that utterly reject the legend as a fact. + +But, apart from all distinct stories of that order, in any solitary +frontier between two great empires, as here, for instance, or in the desert +between Syria and the Euphrates, there is an inevitable tendency, in minds +of any deep sensibility to people the solitudes with phantom images of +powers that were of old so vast. Joanna, therefore, in her quiet occupation +of a shepherdess, would be led continually to brood over the political +condition of her country, by the traditions of the past no less than by the +mementoes of the local present. + +M. Michelet, indeed, says that La Pucelle was _not_ a shepherdess. I beg +his pardon: she _was_. What he rests upon, I guess pretty well: it is +the evidence of a woman called Haumette, the most confidential friend of +Joanna. Now, she is a good witness, and a good girl, and I like her; for +she makes a natural and affectionate report of Joanna's ordinary life. But +still, however good she may be as a witness, Joanna is better; and +she, when speaking to the Dauphin, calls herself in the Latin report +_Bergereta_. Even Haumette confesses that Joanna tended sheep in her +girlhood. And I believe, that, if Miss Haumette were taking coffee alone +with me this very evening (February 12, 1847)--in which there would be +no subject for scandal or for maiden blushes, because I am an intense +philosopher, and Miss H. would be hard upon four hundred and fifty years +old--she would admit the following comment upon her evidence to be right. A +Frenchman, about thirty years ago, M. Simond, in his _Travels_, mentioned +incidentally the following hideous scene as one steadily observed and +watched by himself in France at a period some trifle before the French +Revolution:--A peasant was ploughing; and the team that drew his plough was +a donkey and a woman. Both were regularly harnessed: both pulled alike. +This is bad enough: but the Frenchman adds, that, in distributing his +lashes, the peasant was obviously desirous of being impartial: or, if +either of the yoke-fellows had a right to complain, certainly it was not +the donkey. Now, in any country, where such degradation of females could be +tolerated by the state of manners, a woman of delicacy would shrink from +acknowledging, either for herself or her friend, that she had ever been +addicted to any mode of labor not strictly domestic; because, if once +owning herself a prædial servant, she would be sensible that this +confession extended by probability in the hearer's thoughts to having +incurred indignities of this horrible kind. Haumette clearly thinks it more +dignified for Joanna to have been darning the stockings of her horny-hoofed +father, Monsieur D'Arc, than keeping sheep, lest she might then be +suspected of having ever done something worse. But, luckily, there was no +danger of _that_: Joanna never was in service; and my opinion is that her +father should have mended his own stockings, since probably he was the +party to make the holes in them, as many a better man than D'Arc does; +meaning by _that_ not myself, because, though certainly a better man than +D'Arc, I protest against doing anything of the kind. If I lived even with +Friday in Juan Fernandez, either Friday must do all the darning, or else it +must go undone. The better men that I meant were the sailors in the British +navy, every man of whom mends his own stockings. Who else is to do it? +Do you suppose, reader, that the junior lords of the admiralty are under +articles to darn for the navy? + +The reason, meantime, for my systematic hatred of D'Arc is this. There was +a story current in France before the Revolution, framed to ridicule the +pauper aristocracy, who happened to have long pedigrees and short rent +rolls, viz., that a head of such a house, dating from the Crusades, was +overheard saying to his son, a Chevalier of St. Louis, "_Chevalier, as-tu +donné au cochon à manger_!" Now, it is clearly made out by the surviving +evidence, that D'Arc would much have preferred continuing to say--"_Ma +fille as-tu donné au cochon à manger_?" to saying "_Pucelle d'Orléans, +as-tu sauvé les fleurs-de-lys_?" There is an old English copy of verses +which argues thus:-- + + "If the man, that turnips cries, + Cry not when his father dies-- + Then 'tis plain the man had rather + Have a turnip than his father." + +I cannot say that the logic of these verses was ever _entirely_ to my +satisfaction. I do not see my way through it as clearly as could be wished. +But I see my way most clearly through D'Arc; and the result is--that he +would greatly have preferred not merely a turnip to his father, but the +saving a pound or so of bacon to saving the Oriflamme of France. + +It is probable (as M. Michelet suggests) that the title of Virgin, or +_Pucelle_, had in itself, and apart from the miraculous stones about her, +a secret power over the rude soldiery and partisan chiefs of that period; +for, in such a person, they saw a representative manifestation of the +Virgin Mary, who, in a course of centuries, had grown steadily upon the +popular heart. + +As to Joanna's supernatural detection of the Dauphin (Charles VII.) amongst +three hundred lords and knights. I am surprised at the credulity which +could ever lend itself to that theatrical juggle. Who admires more than +myself the sublime enthusiasm, the rapturous faith in herself, of this pure +creature? But I admire not stage artifices, which not _La Pucelle_, but the +Court, must have arranged; nor can surrender myself a dupe to a conjuror's +_leger-de-main_, such as may be seen every day for a shilling. Southey's +"Joan of Arc" was published in 1796. Twenty years after, talking with +Southey, I was surprised to find him still owning a secret bias in favor of +Joan, founded on her detection of the Dauphin. The story, for the benefit +of the reader new to the case, was this:--_La Pucelle_ was first made known +to the Dauphin, and presented to his court, at Chinon: and here came her +first trial. She was to find out the royal personage amongst the whole ark +of clean and unclean creatures. Failing in this _coup d'essai_, she would +not simply disappoint many a beating heart in the glittering crowd that on +different motives yearned for her success, but she would ruin herself--and, +as the oracle within had told her, would ruin France. Our own sovereign +lady Victoria rehearses annually a trial not so severe in degree, but the +same in kind. She "pricks" for sheriffs. Joanna pricked for a king. But +observe the difference: our own lady pricks for two men out of three; +Joanna for one man out of three hundred. Happy Lady of the islands and the +orient!--she _can_ go astray in her choice only by one half; to the extent +of one half she _must_ have the satisfaction of being right. And yet, even +with these tight limits to the misery of a boundless discretion, permit me, +liege Lady, with all loyalty, to submit--that now and then you prick with +your pin the wrong man. But the poor child from Domrémy, shrinking under +the gaze of a dazzling court--not because dazzling (for in visions she had +seen those that were more so,) but because some of them wore a scoffing +smile on their features--how should _she_ throw her line into so deep a +river to angle for a king, where many a gay creature was sporting that +masqueraded as kings in dress? Nay, even more than any true king would have +done: for, in Southey's version of the story, the Dauphin says, by way of +trying the virgin's magnetic sympathy with royalty, + + ----"on the throne, + I the while mingling with the menial throng, + Some courtier shall he seated." + +This usurper is even crowned: "the jeweled crown shines on a menial's +head." But really, that is "_un peu fort_;" and the mob of spectators might +raise a scruple whether our friend the jackdaw upon the throne, and the +Dauphin himself, were not grazing the shins of treason. For the Dauphin +could not lend more than belonged to him. According to the popular notion, +he had no crown for himself, but, at most, a _petit ecu_, worth thirty +pence; consequently none to lend, on any pretence whatever, until the +consecrated Maid should take him to Rheims. This was the _popular_ notion +in France. The same notion as to the indispensableness of a coronation +prevails widely in England. But, certainly, it was the Dauphin's interest +to support the popular notion, as he meant to use the services of Joanna. +For, if he were king already, what was it that she could do for him beyond +Orleans? And above all, if he were king without a coronation, and without +the oil from the sacred ampulla, what advantage was yet open to him by +celerity above his competitor the English boy? Now was to be a race for a +coronation: he that should win _that_ race, carried the superstition of +France along with him. Trouble us not, lawyer, with your quillets. We are +illegal blockheads; so thoroughly without law, that we don't know even if +we have a right to be blockheads; and our mind is made up--that the first +man drawn from the oven of coronation at Rheims, is the man that is baked +into a king. All others are counterfeits, made of base Indian meal, damaged +by sea-water. + +La Pucelle, before she could be allowed to practise as a warrior, was put +through her manual and platoon exercise, as a juvenile pupil in divinity, +before six eminent men in wigs. According to Southey (v. 393, Book III., in +the original edition of his "Joan of Arc") she "appall'd the doctors." It's +not easy to do _that_: but they had some reason to feel bothered, as that +surgeon would assuredly feel bothered, who, upon proceeding to dissect a +subject, should find the subject retaliating as a dissector upon himself, +especially if Joanna ever made the speech to them which occupies v. +354-391, B. III. It is a double impossibility; 1st, because a piracy from +Tindal's _Christianity as Old as the Creation:_ now a piracy _à parte post_ +is common enough; but a piracy _à parte ante_, and by three centuries, +would (according to our old English phrase[5]) drive a coach-and-six +through any copyright act that man born of woman could frame. 2dly, it is +quite contrary to the evidence on Joanna's trial; for Southey's "Joan" of +A. Dom. 1796 (Cottle, Bristol), tells the doctors, amongst other secrets, +that she never in her life attended--1st, Mass; nor 2d, the Sacramental +table; nor 3d, Confession. Here's a precious windfall for the doctors; +they, by snaky tortuosities, had hoped, through the aid of a corkscrew, +(which every D. D. or S.T.P. is said to carry in his pocket,) for the +happiness of ultimately extracting from Joanna a few grains of heretical +powder or small shot, which might have justified their singeing her a +little. And just at such a crisis, expressly to justify their burning her +to a cinder, up gallops Joanna with a brigade of guns, unlimbers, and +serves them out with heretical grape and deistical round-shot enough to lay +a kingdom under interdict. Any miracles, to which Joanna might treat the +grim D. Ds. after _that_, would go to the wrong side of her little account +in the clerical books. Joanna would be created a _Dr_. herself, but not of +Divinity. For in the Joanna page of the ledger the entry would be--"Miss +Joanna, in acct. with the Church, _Dr._ by sundry diabolic miracles, she +having publicly preached heresy, shown herself a witch, and even tried hard +to corrupt the principles of six church pillars." In the mean time, all +this deistical confession of Joanna's, besides being suicidal for the +interest of her cause, is opposed to the depositions upon _both_ trials. +The very best witness called from first to last deposes that Joanna +attended these rites of her Church even too often; was taxed with doing so; +and, by blushing, owned the charge as a fact, though certainly not as a +fault. Joanna was a girl of natural piety, that saw God in forests, +and hills, and fountains; but did not the less seek him in chapels and +consecrated oratories. + +This peasant girl was self-educated through her own natural meditativeness. +If the reader turns to that divine passage in _Paradise Regained_, which +Milton has put into the mouth of our Saviour when first entering the +wilderness, and musing upon the tendency of those great impulses growing +within himself-- + + "Oh, what a multitude of thoughts arise!" &c. + +he will have some notion of the vast reveries which brooded over the heart +of Joanna in early girlhood, when the wings were budding that should carry +her from Orleans to Rheims; when the golden chariot was dimly revealing +itself that should carry her from the kingdom of _France Delivered_ to the +eternal kingdom. + +It is not requisite, for the honor of Joanna, nor is there, in this place, +room to pursue her brief career of _action_. That, though wonderful, forms +the earthly part of her story: the intellectual part is, the saintly +passion of her imprisonment, trial, and execution. It is unfortunate, +therefore, for Southey's "Joan of Arc," (which however should always be +regarded as a _juvenile_ effort,) that, precisely when her real glory +begins, the poem ends. But this limitation of the interest grew, no doubt, +from the constraint inseparably attached to the law of epic unity. Joanna's +history bisects into two opposite hemispheres, and both could not have been +presented to the eye in one poem, unless by sacrificing all unity of theme, +or else by involving the earlier half, as a narrative episode, in the +latter;--this might have been done--it might have been communicated to a +fellow-prisoner, or a confessor, by Joanna herself, in the same way that +Virgil has contrived to acquaint the reader, through the hero's mouth, with +earlier adventures that, if told by the poet speaking in his own person, +would have destroyed the unity of his fable. The romantic interest of the +early and _irrelate_ incidents (last night of Troy, &c.) is thrown as an +affluent into the general river of the personal narrative, whilst yet the +capital current of the _epos_, as unfolding ihe origin and _incunabula_ of +Rome, is not for a moment suffered to be modified by events so subordinate +and so obliquely introduced. It is sufficient, as concerns _this_ section +of Joanna's life to say--that she fulfilled, to the height of her promises, +the restoration of the prostrate throne. France had become a province of +England; and for the ruin of both, if such a yoke could be maintained. +Dreadful pecuniary exhaustion caused the English energy to droop; and +that critical opening _La Pucelle_ used with a corresponding felicity +of audacity and suddenness (that were in themselves portentous) for +introducing the wedge of French native resources, for rekindling the +national pride, and for planting the Dauphin once more upon his feet. When +Joanna appeared, he had been on the point of giving up the struggle with +the English, distressed as they were, and of flying to the south of France. +She taught him to blush for such abject counsels. She liberated Orleans, +that great city, so decisive by its fate for the issue of the war, and then +beleaguered by the English with an elaborate application of engineering +skill unprecedented in Europe. Entering the city after sunset, on the 29th +of April, she sang mass on Sunday, May 8, for the entire disappearance of +the besieging force. On the 29th of June, she fought and gained over the +English the decisive battle of Patay; on the 9th of July, she took Troyes +by a coup-de-main from a mixed garrison of English and Burgundians; on the +15th of that month, she carried the Dauphin into Rheims; on Sunday the +17th, she crowned him; and there she rested from her labor of triumph. What +remained was--to suffer. + +All this forward movement was her own: excepting one man, the whole council +was against her. Her enemies were all that drew power from earth. Her +supporters were her own strong enthusiasm, and the headlong contagion +by which she carried this sublime frenzy into the hearts of women, of +soldiers, and of all who lived by labor. Henceforwards she was thwarted; +and the worst error, that she committed, was to lend the sanction of her +presence to counsels which she disapproved. But she had accomplished the +capital objects which her own visions had dictated. These involved all the +rest. Errors were now less important; and doubtless it had now become more +difficult for herself to pronounce authentically what _were_ errors. The +noble girl had achieved, as by a rapture of motion, the capital end of +clearing out a free space around her sovereign, giving him the power to +move his arms with effect; and, secondly, the inappreciable end of winning +for that sovereign what seemed to all France the heavenly ratification of +his rights, by crowning him with the ancient solemnities. She had made it +impossible for the English now to step before her. They were caught in an +irretrievable blunder, owing partly to discord amongst the uncles of Henry +VI., partly to a want of funds, but partly to the very impossibility which +they believed to press with tenfold force upon any French attempt to +forestall theirs. They laughed at such a thought; and whilst they laughed, +she _did_ it. Henceforth the single redress for the English of this capital +oversight, but which never _could_ have redressed it effectually, was--to +vitiate and taint the coronation of Charles VII. as the work of a witch. +That policy, and not malice, (as M. Michelet is so happy to believe,) was +the moving principle in the subsequent prosecution of Joanna. Unless +they unhinged the force of the first coronation in the popular mind, by +associating it with power given from hell, they felt that the sceptre of +the invader was broken. + +But she, the child that, at nineteen, had wrought wonders so great for +France, was she not elated? Did she not lose, as men so often _have_ lost, +all sobriety of mind when standing upon the pinnaclè of successes so giddy? +Let her enemies declare. During the progress of her movement, and in +the centre of ferocious struggles, she had manifested the temper of her +feelings by the pity which she had every where expressed for the suffering +enemy. She forwarded to the English leaders a touching invitation to unite +with the French, as brothers, in a common crusade against infidels, thus +opening the road for a soldierly retreat. She interposed to protect +the captive or the wounded--she mourned over the excesses of her +countrymen--she threw herself off her horse to kneel by the dying English +soldier, and to comfort him with such ministrations, physical or spiritual, +as his situation allowed. "Nolebat," says the evidence, "uti onso suo, aut +quemquam interficere." She sheltered the English, that invoked her aid, in +her own quarters. She wept as she beheld, stretched on the field of battle, +so many brave enemies that had died without confession. And, as regarded +herself, her elation expressed itself thus:--on the day when she had +finished her work, she wept; for she knew that, when her task was done, her +end must be approaching. Her aspirations pointed only to a place, which +seemed to her more than usually full of natural piety, as one in which it +would give her pleasure to die. And she uttered, between smiles and tears, +as a wish that inexpressibly fascinated her heart, and yet was half +fantastic, a broken prayer that God would return her to the solitudes from +which he had drawn her, and suffer her to become a shepherdess once more. +It was a natural prayer, because nature has laid a necessity upon every +human heart to seek for rest, and to shrink from torment. Yet, again, it +was a half-fantastic prayer, because, from childhood upwards, visions that +she had no power to mistrust, and the voices which sounded in her ear for +ever, had long since persuaded her mind, that for _her_ no such prayer +could be granted. Too well she felt that her mission must be worked out to +the end, and that the end was now at hand. All went wrong from this time. +She herself had created the _funds_ out of which the French restoration +should grow; but she was not suffered to witness their development, or +their prosperous application. More than one military plan was entered upon +which she did not approve. But she still continued to expose her person +as before. Severe wounds had not taught her caution. And at length, in a +sortie from Compeigne, whether through treacherous collusion on the part +of her own friends is doubtful to this day, she was made prisoner by the +Burgundians, and finally surrendered to the English. + +Now came her trial. This trial, moving of course under English influence, +was conducted in chief by the Bishop of Beauvais. He was a Frenchman, sold +to English interests, and hoping, by favor of the English leaders, to +reach the highest preferment. _Bishop that art, Archbishop that shalt be, +Cardinal that mayest be_, were the words that sounded continually in his +ear; and doubtless, a whisper of visions still higher, of a triple crown, +and feet upon the necks of kings, sometimes stole into his heart. M. +Michelet is anxious to keep us in mind that this Bishop was but an agent +of the English. True. But it does not better the case for his countryman; +that, being an accomplice in the crime, making himself the leader in the +persecution against the helpless girl, he was willing to be all this in +the spirit, and with the conscious vileness of a catspaw. Never from the +foundations of the earth was there such a trial as this, if it were laid +open in all its beauty of defence, and all its hellishness of attack. Oh, +child of France! shepherdess, peasant girl! trodden under foot by all +around thee, how I honor thy flashing intellect, quick as God's lightning, +and true as that lightning to its mark, that ran before France and laggard +Europe by many a century, confounding the malice of the ensnarer, and +making dumb the oracles of falsehood! Is it not scandalous, is it not +humiliating to civilization, that, even at this day, France exhibits the +horrid spectacle of judges examining the prisoner against himself; seducing +him, by fraud, into treacherous conclusions against his own head; using the +terrors of their power for extorting confessions from the frailty of hope; +nay, (which is worse,) using the blandishments of condescension and snaky +kindness for thawing into compliances of gratitude those whom they had +failed to freeze into terror? Wicked judges! Barbarian jurisprudence! that, +sitting in your own conceit on the summits of social wisdom, have yet +failed to learn the first principles of criminal justice; sit ye humbly and +with docility at the feet of this girl from Domrémy, that tore your webs of +cruelty into shreds and dust, "Would you examine me as a witness against +myself?" was the question by which many times she defied their arts. +Continually she showed that their interrogations were irrelevant to any +business before the court, or that entered into the ridiculous charges +against her. General questions were proposed to her on points of +casuistical divinity; two-edged questions which not one of themselves could +have answered without, on the one side, landing himself in heresy (as +then interpreted), or, on the other, in some presumptuous expression of +self-esteem. Next came a wretched Dominican that pressed her with an +objection, which, if applied to the Bible, would tax every one of its +miracles with unsoundness. The monk had the excuse of never having read the +Bible. M. Michelet has no such excuse; and it makes one blush for him, as a +philosopher, to find him describing such an argument as "weighty," whereas +it is but a varied expression of rude Mahometan metaphysics. Her answer +to this, if there were room to place the whole in a clear light, was as +shattering as it was rapid. Another thought to entrap her by asking what +language the angelic visitors of her solitude had talked: as though +heavenly counsels could want polyglott interpreters for every word, or that +God needed language at all in whispering thoughts to a human heart. Then +came a worse devil, who asked her whether the archangel Michael had +appeared naked. Not comprehending the vile insinuation, Joanna, whose +poverty suggested to her simplicity that it might be the _costliness_ or +suitable robes which caused the demur, asked them if they fancied God, +who clothed the flowers of the valleys, unable to find raiment for his +servants. The answer of Joanna moves a smile of tenderness, but the +disappointment of her judges makes one laugh horribly. Others succeeded +by troops, who upbraided her with leaving her father; as if that greater +Father, whom she believed herself to have been serving, did not retain the +power of dispensing with his own rules, or had not said, that, for a less +cause than martyrdom, man and woman should leave both father and mother. + +On Easter Sunday, when the trial had been long proceeding, the poor girl +fell so ill as to cause a belief that she had been poisoned. It was not +poison. Nobody had any interest in hastening a death so certain. M. +Michelet, whose sympathies with all feelings are so quick that one would +gladly see them always as justly directed, reads the case most truly. +Joanna had a two-fold malady. She was visited by a paroxysm of the +complaint called _home-sickness_; the cruel nature of her imprisonment, and +its length, could not but point her solitary thoughts, in darkness, and in +chains, (for chained she was,) to Domrémy. And the season, which was the +most heavenly period of the spring, added stings to this yearning. That +was one of her maladies--_nostalgia_, as medicine calls it; the other was +weariness and exhaustion from daily combats with malice. She saw that +everybody hated her, and thirsted for her blood; nay, many kind-hearted +creatures that would have pitied her profoundly as regarded all political +charges, had their natural feelings warped by the belief that she had +dealings with fiendish powers. She knew she was to die; that was _not_ the +misery; the misery was that this consummation could not be reached without +so much intermediate strife, as if she were contending for some chance +(where chance was none) of happiness, or were dreaming for a moment of +escaping the inevitable. Why, then, _did_ she contend? Knowing that she +would reap nothing from answering her persecutors, why did she not retire +by silence from the superfluous contest? It was because her quick and eager +loyalty to truth would not suffer her to see it darkened by frauds, which +_she_ could expose, but others, even of candid listeners, perhaps, could +not; it was through that imperishable grandeur of soul, which taught her +to submit meekly and without a struggle to her punishment, but taught +her _not_ to submit--no, not for a moment--to calumny as to facts, or to +misconstruction as to motives. Besides, there were secretaries all around +the court taking down her words. That was meant for no good to _her_. But +the end does not always correspond to the meaning. And Joanna might say to +herself--these words that will be used against me to-morrow and the next +day, perhaps in some nobler generation may rise again for my justification. +Yes, Joanna, they _are_ rising even now in Paris, and for more than +justification. + +Woman, sister--there are some things which you do not execute as well as +your brother, man; no, nor ever will. Pardon me if I doubt whether you will +ever produce a great poet from your choirs, or a Mozart, or a Phidias, or a +Michael Angelo, or a great philosopher, or a great scholar. By which last +is meant--not one who depends simply on an infinite memory, but also on an +infinite and electrical power of combination; bringing together from the +four winds, like the angel of the resurrection, what else were dust from +dead men's bones, into the unity of breathing life. If you _can_ create +yourselves into any of these great creators, why have you not? Do not ask +me to say otherwise; because if you do, you will lead me into temptation. +For I swore early in life never to utter a falsehood, and, above all, a +sycophantic falsehood; and, in the false homage of the modern press towards +women, there is horrible sycophancy. It is as hollow, most of it, and it is +as fleeting as is the love that lurks in _uxoriousness_. Yet, if a woman +asks me to tell a faleshood, I have long made up my mind--that on moral +considerations I _will_, and _ought_ to do so, whether it be for any +purpose of glory to _her_, or of screening her foibles (for she _does_ +commit a few), or of humbly, as a vassal, paying a peppercorn rent to her +august privilege of caprice. Barring these cases, I must adhere to my +resolution of telling no fibs. And I repeat, therefore, but not to be rude, +I repeat in Latin-- + + Excudent alii meliús spirantia signa, + Credo equidem vivos ducent de marmore vultus: + Altius ascendent: at tu caput, Eva, memento + Sandalo ut infringas referenti oracula tanta.[6] + +Yet, sister woman--though I cannot consent to find a Mozart or a Michael +Angelo in your sex, until that day when you claim my promise as to +falsehood--cheerfully, and with the love that burns in depths of +admiration, I acknowledge that you can do one thing as well as the best of +us men--a greater thing than even Mozart is known to have done, or Michael +Angelo--you can die grandly, and as goddesses would die were goddesses +mortal. If any distant world (which _may_ be the case) are so far ahead +of us Tellurians in optical resources as to see distinctly through their +telescopes all that we do on earth, what is the grandest sight to which we +ever treat them? St. Peter's at Rome, do you fancy, on Easter Sunday, or +Luxor, or perhaps the Himalayas? Pooh! pooh! my friend: suggest something +better; these are baubles to _them_; they see in other worlds, in their +own, far better toys of the same kind. These, take my word for it, are +nothing. Do you give it up? The finest thing, then, we have to show them +is a scaffold on the morning of execution. I assure you there is a strong +muster in those fair telescopic worlds, on any such morning, of those who +happen to find themselves occupying the right hemisphere for a peep +at _us_. Telescopes look up in the market on that morning, and bear a +monstrous premium; for they cheat, probably, in those scientific worlds as +well as we do. How, then, if it be announced in some such telescopic world +by those who make a livelihood of catching glimpses at our newspapers, +whose language they have long since deciphered, that the poor victim in the +morning's sacrifice is a woman? How, if it be published on that distant +world that the sufferer wears upon her head, in the eyes of many, the +garlands of martyrdom? How, if it should be some Marie Antoinette, the +widowed queen, coming forward on the scaffold, and presenting to the +morning air her head, turned gray prematurely by sorrow, daughter of Cæsars +kneeling down humbly to kiss the guillotine, as one that worships death? +How, if it were the "martyred wife of Roland," uttering impassioned +truth--truth odious to the rulers of her country--with her expiring breath? +How, if it were the noble Charlotte Corday, that in the bloom of youth, +that with the loveliest of persons, that with homage waiting upon her +smiles wherever she turned her face to scatter them--homage that followed +those smiles as surely as the carols of birds, after showers in spring, +follow the re-appearing sun and the racing of sunbeams over the hills--yet +thought all these things cheaper than the dust upon her sandals in +comparison of deliverance from hell for her dear suffering France? Ah! +these were spectacles indeed for those sympathizing people in distant +worlds; and some, perhaps, would suffer a sort of martyrdom themselves, +because they could not testify their wrath, could not bear witness to the +strength of love, and to the fury of hatred, that burned within them at +such scenes; could not gather into golden urns some of that glorious dust +which rested in the catacombs of earth. + +On the Wednesday after Trinity Sunday in 1431, being then about nineteen +years of age, the Maid of Arc underwent her martyrdom. She was conducted +before mid-day, guarded by eight hundred spearmen, to a platform of +prodigious height, constructed of wooden billets supported by occasional +walls of lath and plaster, and traversed by hollow spaces in every +direction for the creation of air-currents. The pile "struck terror," says +M. Michelet, "by its height;" and, as usual, the English purpose in this is +viewed as one of pure malignity. But there are two ways of explaining all +that. It is probable that the purpose was merciful. On the circumstances of +the execution I shall not linger. Yet, to mark the almost fatal felicity +of M. Michelet in finding out whatever may injure the English name, at +a moment when every reader will be interested in Joanna's personal +appearance, it is really edifying to notice the ingenuity by which he draws +into light from a dark corner a very unjust account of it, and neglects, +though lying upon the high road, a very pleasing one. Both are from English +pens. Grafton, a chronicler but little read, being a stiff-necked John +Bull, thought fit to say, that no wonder Joanna should be a virgin, since +her "foule face" was a satisfactory solution of that particular merit. +Holinshead, on the other hand, a chronicler somewhat later, every way more +important, and universally read, has given a very pleasing testimony to the +interesting character of Joanna's person and engaging manners. Neither +of these men lived till the following century, so that personally this +evidence is none at all. Grafton sullenly and carelessly believed as +he wished to believe; Holinshead took pains to inquire, and reports +undoubtedly the general impression of France. But I cite the case as +illustrating M. Michelet's candor.[7] + +The circumstantial incidents of the execution, unless with more space +than I can now command, I should be unwilling to relate. I should fear +to injure, by imperfect report, a martyrdom which to myself appears so +unspeakably grand. Yet for a purpose pointing, not at Joanna but at M. +Michelet,--viz., to convince him that an Englishman is capable of thinking +more highly of _La Pucelle_ than even her admiring countryman, I shall, in +parting, allude to one or two traits in Joanna's demeanor on the scaffold, +and to one or two in that of the bystanders, which authorize me in +questioning an opinion of his upon this martyr's firmness. The reader ought +to be reminded that Joanna d'Arc was subjected to an unusually unfair trial +of opinion. Any of the elder Christian martyrs had not much to fear of +_personal_ rancor. The martyr was chiefly regarded as the enemy of Cæsar; +at times, also, where any knowledge of the Christian faith and morals +existed, with the enmity that arises spontaneously in the worldly against +the spiritual. But the martyr, though disloyal, was not supposed to be, +therefore, anti-national; and still less was _individually_ hateful. What +was hated (if anything) belonged to his class, not to himself separately. +Now Joanna, if hated at all, was hated personally, and in Rouen on national +grounds. Hence there would be a certainty of calumny arising against _her_, +such as would not affect martyrs in general. That being the case, it would +follow of necessity that some people would impute to her a willingness to +recant. No innocence could escape _that_. Now, had she really testified +this willingness on the scaffold, it would have argued nothing at all but +the weakness of a genial nature shrinking from the instant approach of +torment. And those will often pity that weakness most, who, in their own +persons, would yield to it least. Meantime, there never was a calumny +uttered that drew less support from the recorded circumstances. It rests +upon no _positive_ testimony, and it has a weight of contradicting +testimony to stem. And yet, strange to say, M. Michelet, who at times seems +to admire the Maid of Arc as much as I do, is the one sole writer amongst +her _friends_ who lends some countenance to this odious slander. His words +are, that, if she did not utter this word _recant_ with her lips, she +uttered it in her heart. "Whether, she _said_ the word is uncertain: but I +affirm that she _thought_ it." + +Now, I affirm that she did not; not in any sense of the word "_thought_" +applicable to the case. Here is France calumniating _La Pucelle_: here +is England defending her. M. Michelet can only mean, that, on _a priori_ +principles, every woman must be presumed liable to such a weakness; that +Joanna was a woman; _ergo_, that she was liable to such a weakness. That +is, he only supposes her to have uttered the word by an argument which +presumes it impossible for anybody to have done otherwise. I, on the +contrary, throw the _onus_ of the argument not on presumable tendencies of +nature, but on the known facts of that morning's execution, as recorded +by multitudes. What else, I demand, than mere weight of metal, absolute +nobility of deportment, broke the vast line of battle then arrayed against +her? What else but her meek, saintly demeanor, won from the enemies, that +till now had believed her a witch, tears of rapturous admiration? "Ten +thousand men," says M. Michelet himself, "ten thousand men wept;" and of +these ten thousand the majority were political enemies knitted together by +cords of superstition. What else was it but her constancy, united with her +angelic gentleness, that drove the fanatic English soldier--who had sworn +to throw a faggot on her scaffold, as _his_ tribute of abhorrence, that +_did_ so, that fulfilled his vow--suddenly to turn away a penitent for +life, saying everywhere that he had seen a dove rising upon wings to heaven +from the ashes where she had stood? What else drove the executioner to +kneel at every shrine for pardon to _his_ share in the tragedy? And, if all +this were insufficient, then I cite the closing act of her life as valid +on her behalf, were all other testimonies against her. The executioner had +been directed to apply his torch from below. He did so. The fiery smoke +rose upwards in billowing volumes. A Dominican monk was then standing +almost at her side. Wrapt up in his sublime office, he saw not the danger, +but still persisted in his prayers. Even then, when the last enemy was +racing up the fiery stairs to seize her, even at that moment did this +noblest of girls think only for _him_, the one friend that would not +forsake her, and not for herself; bidding him with her last breath to care +for his own preservation, but to leave _her_ to God. That girl, whose +latest breath ascended in this sublime expression of self-oblivion, did not +utter the word _recant_ either with her lips or in her heart. No; she did +not, though one should rise from the dead to swear it. + + * * * * * + +Bishop of Beauvais! thy victim died in fire upon a scaffold--thou upon a +down bed. But for the departing minutes of life, both are oftentimes alike. +At the farewell crisis, when the gates of death are opening, and flesh is +resting from its struggles, oftentimes the tortured and the torturer have +the same truce from carnal torment; both sink together into sleep; together +both, sometimes, kindle into dreams. When the mortal mists were gathering +fast upon you two, Bishop and Shepherd girl--when the pavilions of life +were closing up their shadowy curtains about you--let us try, through the +gigantic glooms, to decipher the flying features of your separate visions. + +The shepherd girl that had delivered France--she, from her dungeon, she, +from her baiting at the stake, she, from her duel with fire, as she entered +her last dream--saw Domrémy, saw the fountain of Domrémy, saw the pomp of +forests in which her childhood had wandered. That Easter festival, which +man had denied to her languishing heart--that resurrection of spring-time, +which the darkness of dungeons had intercepted from _her_, hungering after +the glorious liberty of forests--were by God given back into her hands, as +jewels that had been stolen from her by robbers. With those, perhaps, (for +the minutes of dreams can stretch into ages,) was given back to her by God +the bliss of childhood. By special privilege, for _her_ might be created, +in this farewell dream, a second childhood, innocent as the first; but not, +like _that_, sad with the gloom of a fearful mission in the rear. This +mission had now been fulfilled. The storm was weathered, the skirts even of +that mighty storm were drawing off. The blood, that she was to reckon for, +had been exacted; the tears, that she was to shed in secret, had been paid +to the last. The hatred to herself in all eyes had been faced steadily, had +been suffered, had been survived. And in her last fight upon the scaffold +she had triumphed gloriously; victoriously she had tasted the stings of +death. For all, except this comfort from her farewell dream, she had +died--died, amidst the tears of ten thousand enemies--died, amidst the +drums and trumpets of armies--died, amidst peals redoubling upon peals, +volleys upon volleys, from the saluting clarions of martyrs. + +Bishop of Beauvais! because the guilt-burthened man is in dreams haunted +and waylaid by the most frightful of his crimes, and because upon that +fluctuating mirror--rising (like the mocking mirrors of _mirage_ in Arabian +deserts) from the fens of death--most of all are reflected the sweet +countenances which the man has laid in ruins; therefore I know, Bishop, +that you, also, entering your final dream, saw Domrémy. That fountain, +of which the witnesses spoke so much, showed itself to your eyes in pure +morning dews; but neither dews, nor the holy dawn, could cleanse away the +bright spots of innocent blood upon its surface. By the fountain, Bishop, +you saw a woman seated, that hid her face. But as _you_ draw near, the +woman raises her wasted features. Would Domrémy know them again for the +features of her child? Ah, but _you_ know them, Bishop, well! Oh, mercy! +what a groan was _that_ which the servants, waiting outside the Bishop's +dream at his bedside, heard from his laboring heart, as at this moment he +turned away from the fountain and the woman, seeking rest in the forests +afar off. Yet not so to escape the woman, whom once again he must behold +before he dies. In the forests to which he prays for pity, will he find a +respite? What a tumult, what a gathering of feet is there! In glades, where +only wild deer should run, armies and nations are assembling; towering in +the fluctuating crowd are phantoms that belong to departed hours. There is +the great English Prince, Regent of France. There is my Lord of Winchester, +the princely Cardinal, that died and made no sign. There is the Bishop of +Beauvais, clinging to the shelter of thickets. What building is that which +hands so rapid are raising? Is it a martyr's scaffold? Will they burn the +child of Domrémy a second time? No: it is a tribunal that rises to the +clouds; and two nations stand around it, waiting for a trial. Shall my Lord +of Beauvais sit again upon the judgment-seat, and again number the hours +for the innocent? Ah! no: he is the prisoner at the bar. Already all is +waiting; the mighty audience is gathered, the Court is hurrying to their +seats, the witnesses are arrayed, the trumpets are sounding, the judge +is going to take his place. Oh! but this is sudden. My lord, have you +no counsel? "Counsel I have none: in heaven above, or on earth beneath, +counsellor there is none now that would take a brief from _me_: all are +silent." Is it, indeed, come to this? Alas! the time is short, the tumult +is wondrous, the crowd stretches away into infinity, but yet I will search +in it for somebody to take your brief: I know of somebody that will be your +counsel. Who is this that cometh from Domrémy? Who is she that cometh in +bloody coronation robes from Rheims? Who is she that cometh with blackened +flesh from walking the furnaces of Rouen? This is she, the shepherd girl, +counsellor that had none for herself, whom I choose, Bishop, for yours. She +it is, I engage, that shall take my lord's brief. She it is, Bishop, that +would plead for you: yes, Bishop, SHE--when heaven and earth are silent. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +_Arc_:--Modern France, that should know a great deal better than myself, +insists that the name is not d'Arc, _i.e._ of Arc, but _Darc_. Now it +happens sometimes, that if a person, whose position guarantees his access +to the best information, will content himself with gloomy dogmatism, +striking the table with his fist, and saying in a terrific voice--"It is +so; and there's an end of it,"--one bows deferentially; and submits. But +if, unhappily for himself, won by this docility, he relents too amiably +into reasons and arguments, probably one raises an insurrection against him +that may never be crushed; for in the fields of logic one can skirmish, +perhaps, as well as he. Had he confined himself to dogmatism; he would have +entrenched his position in darkness, and have hidden his own vulnerable +points. But coming down to base reasons, he lets in light, and one sees +where to plant the blows. Now, the worshipful reason of modern France for +disturbing the old received spelling, is--that Jean Hordal, a descendant of +_La Pucelle's_ brother, spelled the name _Darc_, in 1612. But what of that? +Beside the chances that M. Hordal might be a gigantic blockhead, it is +notorious that what small matter of spelling Providence had thought fit to +disburse amongst man in the seventeenth century, was all monopolized by +printers: in France, much more so.] + +[NOTE 2. + +_Those that share thy blood_:--a collateral relative of Joanna's was +subsequently ennobled by the title of _du Lys_.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Jean_."--M. Michelet asserts that there was a mystical meaning at that +era in calling a child _Jean_; it implied a secret commendation of a child, +if not a dedication, to St. John the Evangelist, the beloved disciple, the +apostle of love and mysterious visions. But, really, as the name was so +exceedingly common, few people will detect a mystery in calling a _boy_ by +the name of Jack, though it _does_ seem mysterious to call a girl Jack. It +may be less so in France, where a beautiful practice has always prevailed +of giving to a boy his mother's name--preceded and strengthened by a male +name, as _Charles Anne_, _Victor Victoire_. In cases where a mother's +memory has been unusually dear to a son, this vocal memento of her, +locked into the circle of his own name, gives to it the tenderness of a +testamentary relique, or a funeral ring. I presume, therefore, that _La +Pacelle_ must have borne the baptismal names of Jeanne Jean; the latter +with no reference to so sublime a person as St. John, but simply to some +relative.] + +[NOTE 4. + +And reminding one of that inscription, so justly admired by Paul Richtor, +which a Russian Czarina placed on a guide-post near Moscow--_This is the +road that leads to Constantinople_.] + +[NOTE 5. + +Yes, old--very old phrase: not as ignoramuses fancy, a phrase recently +minted by a Repealer in Ireland.] + +[NOTE 6. + +Our sisters are always rather uneasy when we say anything of them in Latin +or Greek. It is like giving sealed orders to a sea captain, which he is not +to open for his life till he comes into a certain latitude, which latitude, +perhaps, he never _will_ come into, and thus may miss the secret till he is +going to the bottom. Generally I acknowledge that it is not polite before +our female friends to cite a single word of Latin without instantly +translating it. But in this particular case, where I am only iterating a +disagreeable truth, they will please to recollect that the politeness lies +in _not_ translating. However, if they insist absolutely on knowing this +very night, before going to bed, what it is that those ill-looking lines +contain, I refer them to Dryden's Virgil, somewhere in the 6th Book of the +Æneid, except as to the closing line and a half, which contain a private +suggestion of my own to discontented nymphs anxious to see the equilibrium +of advantages re-established between the two sexes.] + +[NOTE 7. + +Amongst the many ebullitions of M. Michelet's fury against us poor English, +are four which will be likely to amuse the reader; and they are the more +conspicuous in collision with the justice which he sometimes does us, and +the very indignant admiration which, under some aspects, he grants to us. + +1. Our English literature he admires with some gnashing of teeth. He +pronounces it "fine and sombre," but, I lament to add, "sceptical, Judaic, +Satanic--in a word, Anti-Christian." That Lord Byron should figure as a +member of this diabolical corporation, will not surprise men. It _will_ +surprise them to hear that Milton is one of its Satanic leaders. Many are +the generous and eloquent Frenchmen, beside Chateaubriand, who have, in +the course of the last thirty years, nobly suspended their own burning +nationality, in order to render a more rapturous homage at the feet of +Milton; and some of them have raised Milton almost to a level with angelic +natures. Not one of them has thought of looking for him _below_ the earth. +As to Shakspeare, M. Michelet detects in him a most extraordinary mare's +nest. It is this: he does "not recollect to have seen the name of God" in +any part of his works. On reading such words, it is natural to rub one's +eyes, and suspect that all one has ever seen in this world may have been +a pure ocular delusion. In particular, I begin myself to suspect that the +word "_la gloire_" never occurs in any Parisian journal. "The great English +nation," says M. Michelet, "has one immense profound vice," to wit, +"pride." Why, really, that may be true; but we have a neighbor not +absolutely clear of an "immense profound vice," as like ours in color and +shape as cherry to cherry. In short, M. Michelet thinks us, by fits and +starts, admirable, only that we are detestable; and he would adore some of +our authors, were it not that so intensely he could have wished to kick +them. + +2. M. Michelet thinks to lodge an arrow in our sides by a very odd remark +upon Thomas à Kempis: which is, that a man of any conceivable European +blood--a Finlander, suppose, or a Zantiote--might have written Tom; only +not an Englishman. Whether an Englishman could have forged Tom, must remain +a matter of doubt, unless the thing had been tried long ago. That problem +was intercepted for ever by Tom's perverseness in choosing to manufacture +himself. Yet, since nobody is better aware than M. Michelet, that this very +point of Kempis _having_ manufactured Kempis is furiously and hopelessly +litigated, three or four nations claiming to have forged his work for him, +the shocking old doubt will raise its snaky head once more--whether this +forger, who rests in so much darkness, might not, after all, be of English +blood. Tom, it may be feared, is known to modern English literature chiefly +by an irreverent mention of his name in a line of Peter Pindar's (Dr. +Wolcot) fifty years back, where he is described as + + "Kempis Tom, + Who clearly shows the way to Kingdom Come." + +Few in these days can have read him, unless in the Methodist version of +John Wesley. Amongst those few, however, happens to be myself; which arose +from the accident of having, when a boy of eleven, received a copy of the +_De Imitatione Christi_, as a bequest from a relation, who died very young; +from which cause, and from the external prettiness of the book, being a +Glasgow reprint, by the celebrated Foulis, and gaily bound, I was induced +to look into it; and finally read it many times over, partly out of +some sympathy which, even in those days, I had with its simplicity and +devotional fervor; but much more from the savage delight I found in +laughing at Tom's Latinity. _That_, I freely grant to M. Michelet, is +inimitable; else, as regards substance, it strikes me that I could forge a +better _De Imitatione_ myself. But there is no knowing till one tries. Yet, +after all, it is not certain whether the original _was_ Latin. But, however +_that_ may have been, if it is possible that M. Michelet[A] can be accurate +in saying that there are no less than _sixty_ French versions (not +editions, observe, but separate versions) existing of the _De Imitatione_, +how prodigious must have been the adaptation of the book to the religious +heart of the fifteenth century! Excepting the Bible, but excepting +that only in Protestant lands, no book known to man has had the same +distinction. It is the most marvellous bibliographical fact on record. + +[Footnote A: "If M. Michelet can be accurate." However, on consideration, +this statement does not depend on Michelet. The bibliographer, Barbier, +has absolutely _specified_ sixty in a separate dissertation, _soixante +traductions_, amongst those even that have not escaped the search. The +Italian translations are said to be thirty. As to mere _editions_, not +counting the early MSS. for half a century before printing was introduced, +those in Latin amount to two thousand, and those in French to one thousand. +Meantime, it is very clear to me that this astonishing popularity, so +entirely unparalleled in literature, could not have existed except in Roman +Catholic times, nor subsequently have lingered in any Protestant land. It +was the denial of Scripture fountains to thirsty lands which made this +slender rill of Scripture truth so passionately welcome.] + +3. Our English girls, it seems, are as faulty in one way as we English +males in another. None of us lads could have written the _Opera Omnia_ of +Mr. à Kempis; neither could any of our lasses have assumed male attire like +_La Pucelle_. But why? Because, says Michelet, English girls and German +think so much of an indecorum. Well, that is a good fault, generally +speaking. But M. Michelet ought to have remembered a fact in the +martyrologies which justifies both parties,--the French heroine for doing, +and the general choir of English girls for _not_ doing. A female saint, +specially renowned in France, had, for a reason as weighty as Joanna's, +viz., expressly to shield her modesty amongst men, wore a male military +harness. That reason and that example authorized _La Pucelle_; but our +English girls, as a body, have seldom any such reason, and certainly no +such saintly example, to plead. This excuses _them_. Yet, still, if it is +indispensable to the national character that our young women should now and +then trespass over the frontier of decorum, it then becomes a patriotic +duty in me to assure M. Michelet that we have such ardent females amongst +us, and in a long series--some detected in naval hospitals, when too sick +to remember their disguise; some on fields of battle; multitudes never +detected at all; some only suspected; and others discharged without noise +by war offices and other absurd people. In our navy, both royal and +commercial, and generally from deep remembrances of slighted love, women +have sometimes served in disguise for many years, taking contentedly their +daily allowance of burgoo, biscuit, or cannon balls--anything, in short, +digestible or indigestible, that it might please Providence to send. One +thing, at least, is to their credit: never any of these poor masks, with +their deep silent remembrances, have been detected through murmuring, or +what is nautically understood by "skulking." So, for once, M. Michelet has +an _erratum_ to enter upon the fly-leaf of his book in presentation copies. + +4. But the last of these ebullitions is the most lively. We English, at +Orleans, and after Orleans (which is not quite so extraordinary, if all +were told,) fled before the Maid of Arc. Yes, says M. Michelet, you _did_: +deny it, if you can. Deny it, my dear? I don't mean to deny it. Running +away, in many cases, is a thing so excellent, that no philosopher would, +at times, condescend to adopt any other step. All of us nations in Europe, +without one exception, have shown our philosophy in that way at times. Even +people, "_qui ne se rendent pas_," have deigned both to run and to shout, +"_Sauve qui pent_" at odd times of sunset; though, for my part, I have +no pleasure in recalling unpleasant remembrances to brave men; and yet, +really, being so philosophic, they ought _not_ to be unpleasant. But +the amusing feature in M. Michelet's reproach, is the way in which he +_improves_ and varies against us the charge of running, as if he were +singing a catch. Listen to him. They "_showed their backs_," did these +English. (Hip, hip, hurrah! three times three!) "_Behind good walls, they +let themselves be taken,_" (Hip, hip! nine times nine!) They "_ran as +fast as their legs could carry them._" (Hurrah! twenty-seven times +twenty-seven!) They "_ran before a girl_;" they did. (Hurrah! eighty-one +times eighty-one!) This reminds one of criminal indictments on the old +model in English courts, where (for fear the prisoner should escape) the +crown lawyer varied the charge perhaps through forty counts. The law laid +its guns so as to rake the accused at every possible angle. Whilst the +indictment was reading, he seemed a monster of crime in his own eyes; and +yet, after all, the poor fellow had but committed one offence, and not +always _that_. N.B.--Not having the French original at hand, I make my +quotations from a friend's copy of Mr. Walter Kelly's translation, which +seems to me faithful, spirited, and idiomatically English--liable, in fact, +only to the single reproach of occasional provincialisms. + + + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH; + +OR, + +THE GLORY OF MOTION. + + +Some twenty or more years before I matriculated at Oxford, Mr. Palmer, +M.P. for Bath, had accomplished two things, very hard to do on our little +planet, the Earth, however cheap they may happen to be held by the +eccentric people in comets: he had invented mail-coaches, and he had +married the daughter[1] of a duke. He was, therefore, just twice as great a +man as Galileo, who certainly invented (or _discovered_) the satellites of +Jupiter, those very next things extant to mail-coaches in the two capital +points of speed and keeping time, but who did _not_ marry the daughter of a +duke. + +These mail-coaches, as organized by Mr. Palmer, are entitled to a +circumstantial notice from myself--having had so large a share in +developing the anarchies of my subsequent dreams, an agency which they +accomplished, first, through velocity, at that time unprecedented; they +first revealed the glory of motion: suggesting, at the same time, an +under-sense, not unpleasurable, of possible though indefinite danger; +secondly, through grand effects for the eye between lamp-light and the +darkness upon solitary roads; thirdly, through animal beauty and power so +often displayed in the class of horses selected for this mail service; +fourthly, through the conscious presence of a central intellect, that, in +the midst of vast distances,[2] of storms, of darkness, of night, overruled +all obstacles into one steady coöperation in a national result. To my own +feeling, this post-office service recalled some mighty orchestra, where a +thousand instruments, all disregarding each other, and so far in danger of +discord, yet all obedient as slaves to the supreme _baton_ of some great +leader, terminate in a perfection of harmony like that of heart, veins, and +arteries, in a healthy animal organization. But, finally, that particular +element in this whole combination which most impressed myself, and through +which it is that to this hour Mr. Palmer's mail-coach system tyrannizes +by terror and terrific beauty over my dreams, lay in the awful political +mission which at that time it fulfilled. The mail-coaches it was that +distributed over the face of the land, like the opening of apocalyptic +vials, the heart-shaking news of Trafalgar, of Salamanca, of Vittoria, of +Waterloo. These were the harvests that, in the grandeur of their reaping, +redeemed the tears and blood in which they had been sown. Neither was the +meanest peasant so much below the grandeur and the sorrow of the times as +to confound these battles, which were gradually moulding the destinies +of Christendom, with the vulgar conflicts of ordinary warfare, which are +oftentimes but gladiatorial trials of national prowess. The victories of +England in this stupendous contest rose of themselves as natural _Te Deums_ +to heaven; and it was felt by the thoughtful that such victories, at such a +crisis of general prostration, were not more beneficial to ourselves than +finally to France, and to the nations of western and central Europe, +through whose pusillanimity it was that the French domination had +prospered. + +The mail-coach, as the national organ for publishing these mighty events, +became itself a spiritualized and glorified object to an impassioned heart; +and naturally, in the Oxford of that day, all hearts were awakened. There +were, perhaps, of us gownsmen, two thousand _resident_[3] in Oxford, and +dispersed through five-and-twenty colleges. In some of these the custom +permitted the student to keep what are called "short terms;" that is, the +four terms of Michaelmas, Lent, Easter, and Act, were kept severally by a +residence, in the aggregate, of ninety-one days, or thirteen weeks. Under +this interrupted residence, accordingly, it was possible that a student +might have a reason for going down to his home four times in the year. This +made eight journeys to and fro. And as these homes lay dispersed through +all the shires of the island, and most of us disdained all coaches except +his majesty's mail, no city out of London could pretend to so extensive a +connection with Mr. Palmer's establishment as Oxford. Naturally, therefore, +it became a point of some interest with us, whose journeys revolved every +six weeks on an average, to look a little into the executive details of +the system. With some of these Mr. Palmer had no concern; they rested upon +bye-laws not unreasonable, enacted by posting-houses for their own benefit, +and upon others equally stern, enacted by the inside passengers for the +illustration of their own exclusiveness. These last were of a nature to +rouse our scorn, from which the transition was not _very long_ to mutiny. +Up to this time, it had been the fixed assumption of the four inside +people, (as an old tradition of all public carriages from the reign +of Charles II.,) that they, the illustrious quaternion, constituted +a porcelain variety of the human race, whose dignity would have been +compromised by exchanging one word of civility with the three miserable +delf ware outsides. Even to have kicked an outsider might have been held to +attaint the foot concerned in that operation; so that, perhaps, it would +have required an act of parliament to restore its purity of blood. What +words, then, could express the horror, and the sense of treason, in that +case, which _had_ happened, where all three outsides, the trinity of +Pariahs, made a vain attempt to sit down at the same breakfast table or +dinner table with the consecrated four? I myself witnessed such an attempt; +and on that occasion a benevolent old gentleman endeavored to soothe his +three holy associates, by suggesting that, if the outsides were indicted +for this criminal attempt at the next assizes, the court would regard it as +a case of lunacy (or _delirium tremens_) rather than of treason. England +owes much of her grandeur to the depth of the aristocratic element in her +social composition. I am not the man to laugh at it. But sometimes +it expressed itself in extravagant shapes. The course taken with the +infatuated outsiders, in the particular attempt which I have noticed, was, +that the waiter, beckoning them away from the privileged _salle-à-manger_, +sang out, "This way, my good men;" and then enticed them away off to the +kitchen. But that plan had not always answered. Sometimes, though very +rarely, cases occurred where the intruders, being stronger than usual, or +more vicious than usual, resolutely refused to move, and so far carried +their point, as to have a separate table arranged for themselves in a +corner of the room. Yet, if an Indian screen could be found ample enough +to plant them out from the very eyes of the high table, or _dais_, it then +became possible to assume as a fiction of law--that the three delf fellows, +after all, were not present. They could be ignored by the porcelain men, +under the maxim, that objects not appearing, and not existing, are governed +by the same logical construction. + +Such now being, at that time, the usages of mail-coaches, what was to be +done by us of young Oxford? We, the most aristocratic of people, who were +addicted to the practice of looking down superciliously even upon the +insides themselves as often very suspicious characters, were we voluntarily +to court indignities? If our dress and bearing sheltered us, generally, +from the suspicion of being "raff," (the name at that period for +"snobs,"[4]) we really _were_ such constructively, by the place we assumed. +If we did not submit to the deep shadow of eclipse, we entered at least the +skirts of its penumbra. And the analogy of theatres was urged against us, +where no man can complain of the annoyances incident to the pit or gallery, +having his instant remedy in paying the higher price of the boxes. But +the soundness of this analogy we disputed. In the case of the theatre, +it cannot be pretended that the inferior situations have any separate +attractions, unless the pit suits the purpose of the dramatic reporter. But +the reporter or critic is a rarity. For most people, the sole benefit is in +the price. Whereas, on the contrary, the outside of the mail had its own +incommunicable advantages. These we could not forego. The higher price we +should willingly have paid, but that was connected with the condition of +riding inside, which was insufferable. The air, the freedom of prospect, +the proximity to the horses, the elevation of seat--these were what we +desired; but, above all, the certain anticipation of purchasing occasional +opportunities of driving. + +Under coercion of this great practical difficulty, we instituted a +searching inquiry into the true quality and valuation of the different +apartments about the mail. We conducted this inquiry on metaphysical +principles; and it was ascertained satisfactorily, that the roof of the +coach, which some had affected to call the attics, and some the garrets, +was really the drawing-room, and the box was the chief ottoman or sofa +in that drawing-room; whilst it appeared that the inside, which had been +traditionally regarded as the only room tenantable by gentlemen, was, in +fact, the coal-cellar in disguise. + +Great wits jump. The very same idea had not long before struck the +celestial intellect of China. Amongst the presents carried out by our first +embassy to that country was a state-coach. It had been specially selected +as a personal gift by George III.; but the exact mode of using it was a +mystery to Pekin. The ambassador, indeed, (Lord Macartney,) had made some +dim and imperfect explanations upon the point; but as his excellency +communicated these in a diplomatic whisper, at the very moment of his +departure, the celestial mind was very feebly illuminated; and it became +necessary to call a cabinet council on the grand state question--"Where was +the emperor to sit?" The hammer-cloth happened to be unusually gorgeous; +and partly on that consideration, but partly also because the box offered +the most elevated seat, and undeniably went foremost, it was resolved by +acclamation that the box was the imperial place, and, _for the scoundrel +who drove, he might sit where he could find a perch_. The horses, +therefore, being harnessed, under a flourish of music and a salute of guns, +solemnly his imperial majesty ascended his new English throne, having the +first lord of the treasury on his right hand, and the chief jester on his +left. Pekin gloried in the spectacle; and in the whole flowery people, +constructively present by representation, there was but one discontented +person, which was the coachman. This mutinous individual, looking as +blackhearted as he really was, audaciously shouted, "Where am _I_ to sit?" +But the privy council, incensed by his disloyalty, unanimously opened the +door, and kicked him into the inside. He had all the inside places +to himself; but such is the rapacity of ambition, that he was still +dissatisfied. "I say," he cried out in an extempore petition, addressed to +the emperor through the window, "how am I to catch hold of the reins?" "Any +how," was the answer; "don't trouble _me_, man, in my glory; through the +windows, through the key-holes--how you please." Finally this contumacious +coachman lengthened the checkstrings into a sort of jury-reins, +communicating with the horses; with these he drove as steadily as may be +supposed. The emperor returned after the briefest of circuits; he descended +in great pomp from his throne, with the severest resolution never to +remount it. A public thanksgiving was ordered for his majesty's prosperous +escape from the disease of a broken neck; and the state-coach was dedicated +for ever as a votive offering to the god Fo, Fo--whom the learned more +accurately called Fi, Fi. + +A revolution of this same Chinese character did young Oxford of that era +effect in the constitution of mail-coach society. It was a perfect French +revolution; and we had good reason to say, _Ca ira_. In fact, it soon +became _too_ popular. The "public," a well known character, particularly +disagreeable, though slightly respectable, and notorious for affecting the +chief seats in synagogues, had at first loudly opposed this revolution; +but when the opposition showed itself to be ineffectual, our disagreeable +friend went into it with headlong zeal. At first it was a sort of race +between us; and, as the public is usually above thirty, (say generally from +thirty to fifty years old,) naturally we of young Oxford, that averaged +about twenty, had the advantage. Then the public took to bribing, giving +fees to horse-keepers, &c., who hired out their persons as warming-pans on +the box-seat. _That_, you know, was shocking to our moral sensibilities. +Come to bribery, we observed, and there is an end to all morality, +Aristotle's, Cicero's, or anybody's. And, besides, of what use was it? +For _we_ bribed also. And as our bribes to those of the public being +demonstrated out of Euclid to be as five shillings to sixpence, here +again young Oxford had the advantage. But the contest was ruinous to +the principles of the stable establishment about the mails. The whole +corporation was constantly bribed, rebribed, and often sur-rebribed; so +that a horse-keeper, ostler, or helper, was held by the philosophical at +that time to be the most corrupt character in the nation. + +There was an impression upon the public mind, natural enough from the +continually augmenting velocity of the mail, but quite erroneous, that +an outside seat on this class of carriages was a post of danger. On the +contrary, I maintained that, if a man had become nervous from some +gipsey prediction in his childhood, allocating to a particular moon now +approaching some unknown danger, and he should inquire earnestly, "Whither +can I go for shelter? Is a prison the safest retreat? Or a lunatic +hospital? Or the British Museum?" I should have replied, "Oh, no; I'll tell +you what to do. Take lodgings for the next forty days on the box of his +majesty's mail. Nobody can touch you there. If it is by bills at ninety +days after date that you are made unhappy--if noters and protesters are the +sort of wretches whose astrological shadows darken the house of life--then +note you what I vehemently protest, viz., that no matter though the sheriff +in every county should be running after you with his _posse_, touch a hair +of your head he cannot whilst you keep house, and have your legal domicile +on the box of the mail. It's felony to stop the mail; even the sheriff +cannot do that. And an _extra_ (no great matter if it grazes the sheriff) +touch of the whip to the leaders at any time guarantees your safety." In +fact, a bed-room in a quiet house, seems a safe enough retreat; yet it is +liable to its own notorious nuisances, to robbers by night, to rats, to +fire. But the mail laughs at these terrors. To robbers, the answer is +packed up and ready for delivery in the barrel of the guard's blunderbuss. +Rats again! there _are_ none about mail-coaches, any more than snakes in +Van Troil's Iceland; except, indeed, now and then a parliamentary rat, who +always hides his shame in the "coal cellar." And, as to fire, I never knew +but one in a mail-coach, which was in the Exeter mail, and caused by an +obstinate sailor bound to Devonport. Jack, making light of the law and the +lawgiver that had set their faces against his offence, insisted on taking +up a forbidden seat in the rear of the roof, from which he could exchange +his own yarns with those of the guard. No greater offence was then known to +mail-coaches; it was treason, it was _læsa majestas_, it was by tendency +arson; and the ashes of Jack's pipe, falling amongst the straw of the +hinder boot, containing the mail-bags, raised a flame which (aided by the +wind of our motion) threatened a revolution in the republic of letters. But +even this left the sanctity of the box unviolated. In dignified repose, +the coachman and myself sat on, resting with benign composure upon our +knowledge--that the fire would have to burn its way through four inside +passengers before it could reach ourselves. With a quotation rather too +trite, I remarked to the coachman,-- + + ----"Jam proximus ardet + Ucalegon." + +But recollecting that the Virgilian part of his education might have been +neglected, I interpreted so far as to say, that perhaps at that moment the +flames were catching hold of our worthy brother and next-door neighbor +Ucalegon. The coachman said nothing, but, by his faint sceptical smile, he +seemed to be thinking that he knew better; for that in fact, Ucalegon, as +it happened, was not in the way-bill. + +No dignity is perfect which does not at some point ally itself with the +indeterminate and mysterious. The connection of the mail with the state +and the executive government--a connection obvious, but yet not strictly +defined--gave to the whole mail establishment a grandeur and an official +authority which did us service on the roads, and invested us with +seasonable terrors. But perhaps these terrors were not the less impressive, +because their exact legal limits were imperfectly ascertained. Look at +those turnpike gates; with what deferential hurry, with what an obedient +start, they fly open at our approach! Look at that long line of carts +and carters ahead, audaciously usurping the very crest of the road. Ah! +traitors, they do not hear us as yet; but as soon as the dreadful blast of +our horn reaches them with the proclamation of our approach, see with what +frenzy of trepidation they fly to their horses' heads, and deprecate our +wrath by the precipitation of their crane-neck quarterings. Treason they +feel to be their crime; each individual carter feels himself under the +ban of confiscation and attainder: his blood is attainted through six +generations, and nothing is wanting but the headsman and his axe, the block +and the sawdust, to close up the vista of his horrors. What! shall it be +within benefit of clergy to delay the king's message on the high +road?--to interrupt the great respirations, ebb or flood, of the national +intercourse--to endanger the safety of tidings, running day and night +between all nations and languages? Or can it be fancied, amongst the +weakest of men, that the bodies of the criminals will be given up to their +widows for Christian burial? Now the doubts which were raised as to our +powers did more to wrap them in terror, by wrapping them in uncertainty, +than could have been effected by the sharpest definitions of the law from +the Quarter Sessions. We, on our parts, (we, the collective mail, I mean,) +did our utmost to exalt the idea of our privileges by the insolence with +which we wielded them. Whether this insolence rested upon law that gave +it a sanction, or upon conscious power, haughtily dispensing with that +sanction, equally it spoke from a potential station; and the agent in each +particular insolence of the moment, was viewed reverentially, as one having +authority. + +Sometimes after breakfast his majesty's mail would become frisky: and in +its difficult wheelings amongst the intricacies of early markets, it would +upset an apple cart, a cart loaded with eggs, &c. Huge was the affliction +and dismay, awful was the smash, though, after all, I believe the damage +might be levied upon the hundred. I, as far as possible, endeavored in such +a case to represent the conscience and moral sensibilities of the mail; +and, when wildernesses of eggs were lying poached under our horses' hoofs, +then would I stretch forth my hands in sorrow, saying (in words too +celebrated in those days from the false[5] echoes of Marengo)--"Ah! +wherefore have we not time to weep over you?" which was quite impossible, +for in fact we had not even time to laugh over them. Tied to post-office +time, with an allowance in some cases of fifty minutes for eleven miles, +could the royal mail pretend to undertake the offices of sympathy and +condolence? Could it be expected to provide tears for the accidents of the +road? If even it seemed to trample on humanity, it did so, I contended, in +discharge of its own more peremptory duties. + +Upholding the morality of the mail, _à fortiori_ I upheld its rights, +I stretched to the uttermost its privilege of imperial precedency, and +astonished weak minds by the feudal powers which I hinted to be lurking +constructively in the charters of this proud establishment. Once I remember +being on the box of the Holyhead mail, between Shrewsbury and Oswestry, +when a tawdry thing from Birmingham, some _Tallyho_ or _Highflier_, all +flaunting with green and gold, came up alongside of us. What a contrast to +our royal simplicity of form and color is this plebeian wretch! The single +ornament on our dark ground of chocolate color was the mighty shield of the +imperial arms, but emblazoned in proportions as modest as a signet-ring +bears to a seal of office. Even this was displayed only on a single panel, +whispering, rather than proclaiming, our relations to the state; whilst the +beast from Birmingham had as much writing and painting on its sprawling +flanks as would have puzzled a decipherer from the tombs of Luxor. For some +time this Birmingham machine ran along by our side--a piece of familiarity +that seemed to us sufficiently jacobinical. But all at once a movement of +the horses announced a desperate intention of leaving us behind. "Do you +see _that_?" I said to the coachman. "I see," was his short answer. He was +awake, yet he waited longer than seemed prudent; for the horses of our +audacious opponent had a disagreeable air of freshness and power. But +his motive was loyal; his wish was that the Birmingham conceit should be +full-blown before he froze it. When _that_ seemed ripe, he unloosed, or, to +speak by a stronger image, he sprang his known resources, he slipped our +royal horses like cheetas, or hunting leopards, after the affrighted game. +How they could retain such a reserve of fiery power after the work they had +accomplished, seemed hard to explain. But on our side, besides the physical +superiority, was a tower of strength, namely, the king's name, "which they +upon the adverse faction wanted." Passing them without an effort, as it +seemed, we threw them into the rear with so lengthening an interval between +us, as proved in itself the bitterest mockery of their presumption; whilst +our guard blew back a shattering blast of triumph, that was really too +painfully full of derision. + +I mention this little incident for its connection with what followed. A +Welshman, sitting behind me, asked if I had not felt my heart burn within +me during the continuance of the race? I said--No; because we were not +racing with a mail, so that no glory could be gained. In fact, it was +sufficiently mortifying that such a Birmingham thing should dare to +challenge us. The Welshman replied, that he didn't see _that_; for that a +cat might look at a king, and a Brummagem coach might lawfully race the +Holyhead mail. "_Race_ us perhaps," I replied, "though even _that_ has an +air of sedition, but not _beat_ us. This would have been treason; and for +its own sake I am glad that the Tallyho was disappointed." So dissatisfied +did the Welshman seem with this opinion, that at last I was obliged to tell +him a very fine story from one of our elder dramatists, viz.--that once, in +some oriental region, when the prince of all the land, with his splendid +court, were flying their falcons, a hawk suddenly flew at a majestic eagle; +and in defiance of the eagle's prodigious advantages, in sight also of all +the astonished field sportsmen, spectators, and followers, killed him on +the spot. The prince was struck with amazement at the unequal contest, and +with burning admiration for its unparalleled result. He commanded that the +hawk should be brought before him; caressed the bird with enthusiasm, and +ordered that, for the commemoration of his matchless courage, a crown +of gold should be solemnly placed on the hawk's head; but then that, +immediately after this coronation, the bird should be led off to execution, +as the most valiant indeed of traitors, but not the less a traitor that had +dared to rise in rebellion against his liege lord the eagle. "Now," said I +to the Welshman, "How painful it would have been to you and me as men of +refined feelings, that this poor brute, the Tallyho, in the impossible case +of a victory over us, should have been crowned with jewellery, gold, with +Birmingham ware, or paste diamonds, and then led off to instant execution." +The Welshman doubted if that could be warranted by law. And when I hinted +at the 10th of Edward III., chap. 15, for regulating the precedency of +coaches, as being probably the statute relied on for the capital punishment +of such offences, he replied drily--that if the attempt to pass a mail was +really treasonable, it was a pity that the Tallyho appeared to have so +imperfect an acquaintance with law. + +These were among the gaieties of my earliest and boyish acquaintance with +mails. But alike the gayest and the most terrific of my experiences rose +again after years of slumber, armed with preternatural power to shake my +dreaming sensibilities; sometimes, as in the slight case of Miss Fanny on +the Bath road, (which I will immediately mention,) through some casual or +capricious association with images originally gay, yet opening at some +stage of evolution into sudden capacities of horror; sometimes through the +more natural and fixed alliances with the sense of power so various lodged +in the mail system. + +The modern modes of travelling cannot compare with the mail-coach system +in grandeur and power. They boast of more velocity, but not however as +a consciousness, but as a fact of our lifeless knowledge, resting upon +_alien_ evidence; as, for instance, because somebody _says_ that we have +gone fifty miles in the hour, or upon the evidence of a result, as that +actually we find ourselves in York four hours after leaving London. Apart +from such an assertion, or such a result, I am little aware of the pace. +But, seated on the old mail-coach, we needed no evidence out of ourselves +to indicate the velocity. On this system the word was--_Non magna +loquimur_, as upon railways, but _magna vivimus_. The vital experience of +the glad animal sensibilities made doubts impossible on the question of our +speed; we heard our speed, we saw it, we felt it as a thrilling; and this +speed was not the product of blind insensate agencies, that had no sympathy +to give, but was incarnated in the fiery eyeballs of an animal, in his +dilated nostril, spasmodic muscles, and echoing hoofs. This speed was +incarnated in the _visible_ contagion amongst brutes of some impulse, that, +radiating into _their_ natures, had yet its centre and beginning in man. +The sensibility of the horse, uttering itself in the maniac light of his +eye, might be the last vibration of such a movement; the glory of Salamanca +might be the first--but the intervening link that connected them, that +spread the earthquake of the battle into the eyeball of the horse, was +the heart of man--kindling in the rapture of the fiery strife, and then +propagating its own tumults by motions and gestures to the sympathies, more +or less dim, in his servant the horse. + +But now, on the new system of travelling, iron tubes and boilers have +disconnected man's heart from the ministers of his locomotion. Nile nor +Trafalgar has power any more to raise an extra bubble in a steam-kettle. +The galvanic cycle is broken up for ever: man's imperial nature no longer +sends itself forward through the electric sensibility of the horse; the +inter-agencies are gone in the mode of communication between the horse and +his master, out of which grew so many aspects of sublimity under accidents +of mists that hid, or sudden blazes that revealed, of mobs that agitated, +or midnight solitudes that awed. Tidings, fitted to convulse all nations, +must henceforwards travel by culinary process; and the trumpet that once +announced from afar the laurelled mail, heart-shaking, when heard screaming +on the wind, and advancing through the darkness to every village +or solitary house on its route, has now given way for ever to the +pot-wallopings of the boiler. + +Thus have perished multiform openings for sublime effects, for interesting +personal communications, for revelations of impressive faces that could not +have offered themselves amongst the hurried and fluctuating groups of +a railway station. The gatherings of gazers about a mail-coach had one +centre, and acknowledged only one interest. But the crowds attending at +a railway station have as little unity as running water, and own as many +centres as there are separate carriages in the train. + +How else, for example, than as a constant watcher for the dawn, and for +the London mail that in summer months entered about dawn into the lawny +thickets of Marlborough Forest, couldst thou, sweet Fanny of the Bath road, +have become known to myself? Yet Fanny, as the loveliest young woman for +face and person that perhaps in my whole life I have beheld, merited +the station which even _her_ I could not willingly have spared; yet +(thirty-five years later) she holds in my dreams: and though, by an +accident of fanciful caprice, she brought along with her into those dreams +a troop of dreadful creatures, fabulous and not fabulous, that were more +abominable to a human heart than Fanny and the dawn were delightful. + +Miss Fanny of the Bath road, strictly speaking, lived at a mile's distance +from that road, but came so continually to meet the mail, that I on my +frequent transits rarely missed her, and naturally connected her name +with the great thoroughfare where I saw her; I do not exactly know, but I +believe with some burthen of commissions to be executed in Bath, her own +residence being probably the centre to which these commissions gathered. +The mail coachman, who wore the royal livery, being one amongst the +privileged few,[6] happened to be Fanny's grandfather. A good man he +was, that loved his beautiful granddaughter; and, loving her wisely, was +vigilant over her deportment in any case where young Oxford might happen +to be concerned. Was I then vain enough to imagine that I myself, +individually, could fall within the line of his terrors? Certainly not, +as regarded any physical pretensions that I could plead; for Fanny (as a +chance passenger from her own neighborhood once told me) counted in her +train a hundred and ninety-nine professed admirers, if not open aspirants +to her favor; and probably not one of the whole brigade but excelled myself +in personal advantages. Ulysses even, with the unfair advantage of his +accursed bow, could hardly have undertaken that amount of suitors. So +the danger might have seemed slight--only that woman is universally +aristocratic; it is amongst her nobilities of heart that she _is_ so. Now, +the aristocratic distinctions in my favor might easily with Miss Fanny have +compensated my physical deficiencies. Did I then make love to Fanny? Why, +yes; _mais oui donc_; as much love as one _can_ make whilst the mail is +changing horses, a process which ten years later did not occupy above +eighty seconds; but _then_, viz., about Waterloo, it occupied five times +eighty. Now, four hundred seconds offer a field quite ample enough for +whispering into a young woman's ear a great deal of truth; and (by way of +parenthesis) some trifle of falsehood. Grandpapa did right, therefore, to +watch me. And yet, as happens too often to the grandpapas of earth, in +a contest with the admirers of granddaughters, how vainly would he have +watched me had I meditated any evil whispers to Fanny! She, it is my +belief, would have protected herself against any man's evil suggestions. +But he, as the result showed, could not have intercepted the opportunities +for such suggestions. Yet he was still active; he was still blooming. +Blooming he was as Fanny herself. + + "Say, all our praises why should lords--" + +No, that's not the line. + + "Say, all our roses why should girls engross?" + +The coachman showed rosy blossoms on his face deeper even than his +granddaughter's,--_his_ being drawn from the ale cask, Fanny's from youth +and innocence, and from the fountains of the dawn. But, in spite of his +blooming face, some infirmities he had; and one particularly (I am very +sure, no _more_ than one,) in which he too much resembled a crocodile. This +lay in a monstrous inaptitude for turning round. The crocodile, I presume, +owes that inaptitude to the absurd _length_ of his back; but in our +grandpapa it arose rather from the absurd _breadth_ of his back, combined, +probably, with some growing stiffness in his legs. Now upon this crocodile +infirmity of his I planted an easy opportunity for tendering my homage to +Miss Fanny. In defiance of all his honorable vigilance, no sooner had he +presented to us his mighty Jovian back (what a field for displaying to +mankind his royal scarlet!) whilst inspecting professionally the buckles, +the straps, and the silver turrets of his harness, than I raised Miss +Fanny's hand to my lips, and, by the mixed tenderness and respectfulness of +my manner, caused her easily to understand how happy it would have made +me to rank upon her list as No. 10 or 12, in which case a few casualties +amongst her lovers (and observe--they _hanged_ liberally in those days) +might have promoted me speedily to the top of the tree; as, on the other +hand, with how much loyalty of submission I acquiesced in her allotment, +supposing that she had seen reason to plant me in the very rearward of her +favor, as No. 199+1. It must not be supposed that I allowed any trace +of jest, or even of playfulness, to mingle with these expressions of my +admiration; that would have been insulting to her, and would have been +false as regarded my own feelings. In fact, the utter shadowyness of our +relations to each other, even after our meetings through seven or eight +years had been very numerous, but of necessity had been very brief, being +entirely on mail-coach allowance--timid, in reality, by the General +Post-Office--and watched by a crocodile belonging to the antepenultimate +generation, left it easy for me to do a thing which few people ever _can_ +have done--viz., to make love for seven years, at the same time to be +as sincere as ever creature was, and yet never to compromise myself by +overtures that might have been foolish as regarded my own interests, +or misleading as regarded hers. Most truly I loved this beautiful and +ingenuous girl; and had it not been for the Bath and Bristol mail, heaven +only knows what might have come of it. People talk of being over head and +ears in love--now, the mail was the cause that I sank only over ears in +love, which, you know, still left a trifle of brain to overlook the whole +conduct of the affair. I have mentioned the case at all for the sake of +a dreadful result from it in after years of dreaming. But it seems, _ex +abundanti_, to yield this moral--viz., that as, in England, the idiot and +the half-wit are held to be under the guardianship of chancery, so the man +making love, who is often but a variety of the same imbecile class, ought +to be made a ward of the General Post-Office, whose severe course of +_timing_ and periodical interruption might intercept many a foolish +declaration, such as lays a solid foundation for fifty years' repentance. + +Ah, reader! when I look back upon those days, it seems to me that all +things change or perish. Even thunder and lightning, it pains me to say, +are not the thunder and lightning which I seem to remember about the +time of Waterloo. Roses, I fear, are degenerating, and, without a Red +revolution, must come to the dust. The Fannies of our island--though this +I say with reluctance--are not improving; and the Bath road is notoriously +superannuated. Mr. Waterton tells me that the crocodile does _not_ +change--that a cayman, in fact, or an alligator, is just as good for riding +upon as he was in the time of the Pharaohs. _That_ may be; but the reason +is, that the crocodile does not live fast--he is a slow coach. I believe +it is generally understood amongst naturalists, that the crocodile is a +blockhead. It is my own impression that the Pharaohs were also blockheads. +Now, as the Pharaohs and the crocodile domineered over Egyptian society, +this accounts for a singular mistake that prevailed on the Nile. The +crocodile made the ridiculous blunder of supposing man to be meant chiefly +for his own eating. Man, taking a different view of the subject, naturally +met that mistake by another; he viewed the crocodile as a thing sometimes +to worship, but always to run away from. And this continued until Mr. +Waterton changed the relations between the animals. The mode of escaping +from the reptile he showed to be, not by running away, but by leaping on +its back, booted and spurred. The two animals had misunderstood each other. +The use of the crocodile has now been cleared up--it is to be ridden; and +the use of man is, that he may improve the health of the crocodile by +riding him a fox-hunting before breakfast. And it is pretty certain that +any crocodile, who has been regularly hunted through the season, and is +master of the weight he carries, will take a six-barred gate now as well as +ever he would have done in the infancy of the pyramids. + +Perhaps, therefore, the crocodile does _not_ change, but all things else +_do_: even the shadow of the pyramids grows less. And often the restoration +in vision of Fanny and the Bath road, makes me too pathetically sensible of +that truth. Out of the darkness, if I happen to call up the image of Fanny +from thirty-five years back, arises suddenly a rose in June; or, if I think +for an instant of the rose in June, up rises the heavenly face of Fanny. +One after the other, like the antiphonies in the choral service, rises +Fanny and the rose in June, then back again the rose in June and Fanny. +Then come both together, as in a chorus; roses and Fannies, Fannies and +roses, without end--thick as blossoms in paradise. Then comes a venerable +crocodile, in a royal livery of scarlet and gold, or in a coat with sixteen +capes; and the crocodile is driving four-in-hand from the box of the +Bath mail. And suddenly we upon the mail are pulled up by a mighty dial, +sculptured with the hours, and with the dreadful legend of TOO LATE. Then +all at once we are arrived at Marlborough forest, amongst the lovely +households[7] of the roe-deer: these retire into the dewy thickets; the +thickets are rich with roses; the roses call up (as ever) the sweet +countenance of Fanny, who, being the granddaughter of a crocodile, awakens +a dreadful host of wild semi-legendary animals,--griffins, dragons, +basilisks, sphinxes,--till at length the whole vision of fighting images +crowds into one towering armorial shield, a vast emblazonry of human +charities and human loveliness that have perished, but quartered +heraldically with unutterable horrors of monstrous and demoniac natures, +whilst over all rises, as a surmounting crest, one fair female hand, with +the fore-finger pointing, in sweet, sorrowful admonition, upwards to +heaven, and having power (which, without experience, I never could have +believed) to awaken the pathos that kills in the very bosom of the horrors +that madden the grief that gnaws at the heart, together with the monstrous +creations of darkness that shock the belief, and make dizzy the reason of +man. This is the peculiarity that I wish the reader to notice, as having +first been made known to me for a possibility by this early vision of +Fanny on the Bath road. The peculiarity consisted in the confluence of two +different keys, though apparently repelling each other, into the music +and governing principles of the same dream; horror, such as possesses the +maniac, and yet, by momentary transitions, grief, such as may be supposed +to possess the dying mother when leaving her infant children to the mercies +of the cruel. Usually, and perhaps always, in an unshaken nervous system, +these two modes of misery exclude each other--here first they met in horrid +reconciliation. There was also a separate peculiarity in the quality of the +horror. This was afterwards developed into far more revolting complexities +of misery and incomprehensible darkness; and perhaps I am wrong in +ascribing any value as a _causative_ agency to this particular case on the +Bath road--possibly it furnished merely an _occasion_ that accidentally +introduced a mode of horrors certain, to any rate, to have grown up, +with or without the Bath road, from more advanced stages of the nervous +derangement. Yet, as the cubs of tigers or leopards, when domesticated, +have been observed to suffer a sudden development of their latent ferocity +under too eager an appeal to their playfulness--the gaieties of sport in +_them_ being too closely connected with the fiery brightness of their +murderous instincts--so I have remarked that the caprices, the gay +arabesques, and the lovely floral luxuriations of dreams, betray a shocking +tendency to pass into finer maniacal splendors. That gaiety, for instance +(for such as first it was,) in the dreaming faculty, by which one principal +point of resemblance to a crocodile in the mail-coachman was soon made to +clothe him with the form of a crocodile, and yet was blended with accessory +circumstances derived from his _human_ functions, passed rapidly into a +further development, no longer gay or playful, but terrific, the most +terrific that besieges dreams, viz--the horrid inoculation upon each other +of incompatible natures. This horror has always been secretly felt by +man; it was felt even under pagan forms of religion, which offered a very +feeble, and also a very limited gamut for giving expression to the human +capacities of sublimity or of horror. We read it in the fearful composition +of the sphinx. The dragon, again, is the snake inoculated upon the +scorpion. The basilisk unites the mysterious malice of the evil eye, +unintentional on the part of the unhappy agent, with the intentional venom +of some other malignant natures. But these horrid complexities of evil +agency are but _objectively_ horrid; they inflict the horror suitable to +their compound nature; but there is no insinuation that they _feel_ that +horror. Heraldry is so full of these fantastic creatures, that, in some +zoologies, we find a separate chapter or a supplement dedicated to what is +denominated heraldic zoology. And why not? For these hideous creatures, +however visionary[8], have a real traditionary ground in medieval +belief--sincere and partly reasonable, though adulterating with mendacity, +blundering, credulity, and intense superstition. But the dream-horror +which I speak of is far more frightful. The dreamer finds housed +within himself--occupying, as it were, some separate chamber in his +brain--holding, perhaps, from that station a secret and detestable commerce +with his own heart--some horrid alien nature. What if it were his own +nature repeated,--still, if the duality were distinctly perceptible, even +_that_--even this mere numerical double of his own consciousness--might +be a curse too mighty to be sustained. But how, if the alien nature +contradicts his own, fights with it, perplexes, and confounds it? How, +again, if not one alien nature, but two, but three, but four, but five, are +introduced within what once he thought the inviolable sanctuary of himself? +These, however, are horrors from the kingdoms of anarchy and darkness, +which, by their very intensity, challenge the sanctity of concealment, and +gloomily retire from exposition. Yet it was necessary to mention them, +because the first introduction to such appearances (whether causal, +or merely casual) lay in the heraldic monsters, (which monsters were +themselves introduced though playfully,) by the transfigured coachman of +the Bath mail. + + +GOING DOWN WITH VICTORY. + +But the grandest chapter of our experience, within the whole mail-coach +service, was on those occasions when we went down from London with the +news of victory. A period of about ten years stretched from Trafalgar to +Waterloo: the second and third years of which period (1806 and 1807) +were comparatively sterile; but the rest, from 1805 to 1815 inclusively, +furnished a long succession of victories; the least of which, in a contest +of that portentous nature, had an inappreciable value of position--partly +for its absolute interference with the plans of our enemy, but still +more from its keeping alive in central Europe the sense of a deep-seated +vulnerability in France. Even to tease the coasts of our enemy, to mortify +them by continual blockades, to insult them by capturing if it were but a +baubling schooner under the eyes of their arrogant armies, repeated from +time to time a sullen proclamation of power lodged in a quarter to which +the hopes of Christendom turned in secret. How much more loudly must this +proclamation have spoken in the audacity[9] of having bearded the _elite_ +of their troops, and having beaten them in pitched battles! Five years of +life it was worth paying down for the privilege of an outside place on a +mail-coach, when carrying down the first tidings of any such event. And it +is to be noted that, from our insular situation, and the multitude of our +frigates disposable for the rapid transmission of intelligence, rarely +did any unauthorized rumor steal away a prelibation from the aroma of the +regular dispatches. The government official news was generally the first +news. + +From eight, P.M. to fifteen or twenty minutes later, imagine the mails +assembled on parade in Lombard Street, where, at that time, was seated the +General Post-Office. In what exact strength we mustered I do not remember; +but, from the length of each separate _attelage_, we filled the street, +though a long one, and though we were drawn up in double file. On _any_ +night the spectacle was beautiful. The absolute perfection of all the +appointments about the carriages and the harness, and the magnificence of +the horses, were what might first have fixed the attention. Every +carriage, on every morning in the year, was taken down to an inspector +for examination--wheels, axles, linch-pins, pole, glasses, &c., were +all critically probed and tested. Every part of every carriage had been +cleaned, every horse had been groomed, with as much rigor as if they +belonged to a private gentleman; and that part of the spectacle offered +itself always. But the night before us is a night of victory; and behold! +to the ordinary display, what a heart-shaking addition!--horses, men, +carriages--all are dressed in laurels and flowers, oak leaves and ribbons. +The guards, who are his majesty's servants, and the coachmen, who are +within the privilege of the post-office, wear the royal liveries of course; +and as it is summer (for all the _land_ victories were won in summer,) they +wear, on this fine evening, these liveries exposed to view, without any +covering of upper coats. Such a costume, and the elaborate arrangement of +the laurels in their hats, dilated their hearts, by giving to them openly +an _official_ connection with the great news, in which already they have +the general interest of patriotism. That great national sentiment surmounts +and quells all sense of ordinary distinctions. Those passengers who happen +to be gentlemen are now hardly to be distinguished as such except by dress. +The usual reserve of their manner in speaking to the attendants has on this +night melted away. One heart, one pride, one glory, connects every man +by the transcendent bond of his English blood. The spectators, who are +numerous beyond precedent, express their sympathy with these fervent +feelings by continual hurrahs. Every moment are shouted aloud by the +post-office servants the great ancestral names of cities known to history +through a thousand years,--Lincoln, Winchester, Portsmouth, Gloucester, +Oxford, Bristol, Manchester, York, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Perth, +Glasgow--expressing the grandeur of the empire by the antiquity of its +towns, and the grandeur of the mail establishment by the diffusive +radiation of its separate missions. Every moment you hear the thunder of +lids locked down upon the mail-bags. That sound to each individual mail is +the signal for drawing off, which process is the finest part of the entire +spectacle. Then come the horses into play,--horses! can these be horses +that (unless powerfully reined in) would bound off with the action and +gestures of leopards? What stir!--what sea-like ferment!--what a thundering +of wheels, what a trampling of horses!--what farewell cheers--what +redoubling peals of brotherly congratulation, connecting the name of the +particular mail--"Liverpool for ever!"--with the name of the particular +victory--"Badajoz for ever!" or "Salamanca for ever!" The half-slumbering +consciousness that, all night long and all the next day--perhaps for even +a longer period--many of these mails, like fire racing along a train of +gunpowder, will be kindling at every instant new successions of burning +joy, has an obscure effect of multiplying the victory itself, by +multiplying to the imagination into infinity the stages of its progressive +diffusion. A fiery arrow seems to be let loose, which from that moment +is destined to travel, almost without intermission, westwards for three +hundred[10] miles--northwards for six hundred; and the sympathy of our +Lombard Street friends at parting is exalted a hundred fold by a sort of +visionary sympathy with the approaching sympathies, yet unborn, which we +are going to evoke. + +Liberated from the embarrassments of the city, and issuing into the broad +uncrowded avenues of the northern suburbs, we begin to enter upon our +natural pace of ten miles an hour. In the broad light of the summer +evening, the sun, perhaps, only just at the point of setting, we are +seen from every story of every house. Heads of every age crowd to +the windows--young and old understand the language of our victorious +symbols--and rolling volleys of sympathizing cheers run along behind and +before our course. The beggar, rearing himself against the wall, forgets +his lameness--real or assumed--thinks not of his whining trade, but stands +erect, with bold exulting smiles, as we pass him. The victory has healed +him, and says--Be thou whole! Women and children, from garrets alike and +cellars, look down or look up with loving eyes upon our gay ribbons and our +martial laurels--sometimes kiss their hands, sometimes hang out, as signals +of affection, pocket handkerchiefs, aprons, dusters, anything that lies +ready to their hands. On the London side of Barnet, to which we draw near +within a few minutes after nine, observe that private carriage which is +approaching us. The weather being so warm, the glasses are all down; and +one may read, as on the stage of a theatre, everything that goes on within +the carriage. It contains three ladies, one likely to be "mama," and two +of seventeen or eighteen, who are probably her daughters. What lovely +animation, what beautiful unpremeditated pantomime, explaining to us every +syllable that passes, in these ingenuous girls! By the sudden start and +raising of the hands, on first discovering our laurelled equipage--by the +sudden movement and appeal to the elder lady from both of them--and by the +heightened color on their animated countenances, we can almost hear them +saying--"See, see! Look at their laurels. Oh, mama! there has been a great +battle in Spain; and it has been a great victory." In a moment we are on +the point of passing them. We passengers--I on the box, and the two on the +roof behind me--raise our hats, the coachman makes his professional salute +with the whip; the guard even, though punctilious on the matter of his +dignity as an officer under the crown, touches his hat. The ladies move to +us, in return, with a winning graciousness of gesture: all smile on each +side in a way that nobody could misunderstand, and that nothing short of a +grand national sympathy could so instantaneously prompt. Will these ladies +say that we are nothing to _them_? Oh, no; they will not say _that_. They +cannot deny--they do not deny--that for this night they are our sisters: +gentle or simple, scholar or illiterate servant, for twelve hours to +come--we on the outside have the honor to be their brothers. Those poor +women again, who stop to gaze upon us with delight at the entrance of +Barnet, and seem, by their air of weariness, to be returning from labor--do +you mean to say that they are washerwomen and char-women? Oh, my poor +friend, you are quite mistaken; they are nothing of the kind. I assure you +they stand in a higher rank; for this one night they feel themselves by +birthright to be daughters of England, and answer to no humbler title. + +Every joy, however, even rapturous joy--such is the sad law of earth--may +carry with it grief, or fear of grief, to some. Three miles beyond Barnet, +we see approaching us another private carriage, nearly repeating the +circumstances of the former case. Here, also, the glasses are all +down--here, also, is an elderly lady seated; but the two amiable daughters +are missing; for the single young person, sitting by the lady's side, seems +to be an attendant--so I judge from her dress, and her air of respectful +reserve. The lady is in mourning; and her countenance expresses sorrow. +At first she does not look up; so that I believe she is not aware of our +approach, until she hears the measured beating of our horses' hoofs. Then +she raises her eyes to settle them painfully on our triumphal equipage. +Our decorations explain the case to her at once; but she beholds them with +apparent anxiety, or even with terror. Some time before this, I, finding it +difficult to hit a flying mark, when embarrassed by the coachman's person +and reins intervening, had given to the guard a _Courier_ evening paper, +containing the gazette, for the next carriage that might pass. Accordingly +he tossed it in so folded that the huge capitals expressing some such +legend as--GLORIOUS VICTORY, might catch the eye at once. To see the paper, +however, at all, interpreted as it was by our ensigns of triumph, explained +everything; and, if the guard were right in thinking the lady to have +received it with a gesture of horror, it could not be doubtful that she had +suffered some deep personal affliction in connection with this Spanish war. + +Here now was the case of one, who, having formerly suffered, might, +erroneously perhaps, be distressing herself with anticipations of another +similar suffering. That same night, and hardly three hours later, occurred +the reverse case. A poor woman, who too probably would find herself, in a +day or two, to have suffered the heaviest of afflictions by the battle, +blindly allowed herself to express an exultation so unmeasured in the +news, and its details, as gave to her the appearance which amongst Celtic +Highlanders is called _fey_. This was at some little town, I forget what, +where we happened to change horses near midnight. Some fair or wake had +kept the people up out of their beds. We saw many lights moving about as +we drew near; and perhaps the most impressive scene on our route was our +reception at this place. The flashing of torches and the beautiful radiance +of blue lights (technically Bengal lights) upon the heads of our horses; +the fine effect of such a showery and ghostly illumination falling upon +flowers and glittering laurels, whilst all around the massy darkness seemed +to invest us with walls of impenetrable blackness, together with the +prodigious enthusiasm of the people, composed a picture at once scenical +and affecting. As we staid for three or four minutes, I alighted. And +immediately from a dismantled stall in the street, where perhaps she had +been presiding at some part of the evening, advanced eagerly a middle-aged +woman. The sight of my newspaper it was that had drawn her attention upon +myself. The victory which we were carrying down to the provinces on _this_ +occasion was the imperfect one of Talavera. I told her the main outline of +the battle. But her agitation, though not the agitation of fear, but of +exultation rather, and enthusiasm, had been so conspicuous when listening, +and when first applying for information, that I could not but ask her if +she had not some relation in the Peninsular army. Oh! yes: her only son was +there. In what regiment? He was a trooper in the 23d Dragoons. My heart +sank within me as she made that answer. This sublime regiment, which an +Englishman should never mention without raising his hat to their memory, +had made the most memorable and effective charge recorded in military +annals. They leaped their horses--_over_ a trench where they could, _into_ +it, and with the result of death or mutilation when they could _not_. What +proportion cleared the trench is nowhere stated. Those who _did_, closed up +and went down upon the enemy with such divinity of fervor--(I use the +word _divinity_ by design: the inspiration of God must have prompted this +movement to those whom even then he was calling to his presence)--that two +results followed. As regarded the enemy, this 23d Dragoons, not, I believe, +originally three hundred and fifty strong, paralyzed a French column, six +thousand strong, then ascending the hill, and fixed the gaze of the whole +French army. As regarded themselves, the 23d were supposed at first to have +been all but annihilated; but eventually, I believe, not so many as one in +four survived. And this, then, was the regiment--a regiment already for +some hours known to myself and all London, as stretched, by a large +majority, upon one bloody aceldama--in which the young trooper served whose +mother was now talking with myself in a spirit of such hopeful enthusiasm. +Did I tell her the truth? Had I the heart to break up her dreams? No. I +said to myself, to-morrow, or the next day, she will hear the worst. For +this night, wherefore should she not sleep in peace? After to-morrow, +the chances are too many that peace will forsake her pillow. This brief +respite, let her owe this to _my_ gift and _my_ forbearance. But, if I told +her not of the bloody price that had been paid, there was no reason for +suppressing the contributions from her son's regiment to the service and +glory of the day. For the very few words that I had time for speaking, I +governed myself accordingly. I showed her not the funeral banners under +which the noble regiment was sleeping. I lifted not the overshadowing +laurels from the bloody trench in which horse and rider lay mangled +together. But I told her how these dear children of England, privates and +officers, had leaped their horses over all obstacles as gaily as hunters to +the morning's chase. I told her how they rode their horses into the mists +of death, (saying to myself, but not saying to _her_,) and laid down their +young lives for thee, O mother England! as willingly--poured out their +noble blood as cheerfully--as ever, after a long day's sport, when infants, +they had rested their wearied heads upon their mother's knees, or had sunk +to sleep in her arms. It is singular that she seemed to have no fears, even +after this knowledge that the 23d Dragoons had been conspicuously engaged, +for her son's safety: but so much was she enraptured by the knowledge that +_his_ regiment, and therefore _he_, had rendered eminent service in the +trying conflict--a service which had actually made them the foremost topic +of conversation in London--that in the mere simplicity of her fervent +nature, she threw her arms round my neck, and, poor woman, kissed me. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +Lady Madeline Gordon.] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Vast distances_."--One case was familiar to mail-coach travellers, where +two mails in opposite directions, north and south, starting at the same +minute from points six hundred miles apart, met almost constantly at a +particular bridge which exactly bisected the total distance.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Resident_."--The number on the books was far greater, many of whom kept +up an intermitting communication with Oxford. But I speak of those only who +were steadily pursuing their academic studies, and of those who resided +constantly as _fellows_.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_Snobs_," and its antithesis, "_nobs_," arose among the internal fractions +of shoemakers perhaps ten years later. Possibly enough, the terms may have +existed much earlier; but they were then first made known, picturesquely +and effectively, by a trial at some assizes which happened to fix the +public attention.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_False echoes_"--yes, false! for the words ascribed to Napoleon, as +breathed to the memory of Desaix, never were uttered at all.--They stand +in the same category of theatrical inventions as the cry of the foundering +_Vengeur_, as the vaunt of General Cambronne at Waterloo, "_La Garde meurt, +mais ne se rend pas_," as the repartees of Talleyrand.] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_Privileged few_." The general impression was, that this splendid costume +belonged of right to the mail-coachmen as their professional dress. But +that was an error. To the guard it _did_ belong, as a matter of course, and +was essential as an official warrant, and a means of instant identification +for his person, in the discharge of his important public duties. But the +coachman, and especially if his place in the series did not connect him +immediately with London and the General Post-Office, obtained the scarlet +coat only as an honorary distinction after long or special service.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Households_."--Roe-deer do not congregate in herds like the fallow or the +red deer, but by separate families, parents, and children; which feature +of approximation to the sanctity of human hearths, added to their +comparatively miniature and graceful proportions, conciliate to them +an interest of a peculiarly tender character, if less dignified by the +grandeurs of savage and forest life.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_However visionary_."--But _are_ they always visionary? the unicorn, the +kraken, the sea-serpent, are all, perhaps, zoological facts. The unicorn, +for instance, so far from being a lie, is rather _too_ true; for, simply +as a _monokeras_, he is found in the Himalaya, in Africa, and elsewhere, +rather too often for the peace of what in Scotland would be called the +_intending_ traveller. That which really _is_ a lie in the account of the +unicorn--viz., his legendary rivalship with the lion--which lie may God +preserve, in preserving the mighty imperial shield that embalms it--cannot +be more destructive to the zoological pretensions of the unicorn, than +are to the same pretensions in the lion our many popular crazes about his +goodness and magnanimity, or the old fancy (adopted by Spenser, and noticed +by so many among our elder poets) of his graciousness to maiden innocence. +The wretch is the basest and most cowardly among the forest tribes; nor +has the sublime courage of the English bull-dog ever been so memorably +exhibited as in his hopeless fight at Warwick with the cowardly and cruel +lion called Wallace. Another of the traditional creatures, still doubtful, +is the mermaid, upon which Southey once remarked to me, that, if it +had been differently named (as, suppose, a mer-ape,) nobody would have +questioned its existence any more than that of sea-cows, sea-lions, &c. +The mermaid has been discredited by her human name and her legendary human +habits. If she would not coquette so much with melancholy sailors, and +brush her hair so assiduously upon solitary rocks, she would be carried on +our books for as honest a reality, as decent a female, as many that are +assessed to the poor-rates.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Audacity_!"--Such the French accounted it; and it has struck me that +Soult would not have been so popular in London, at the period of her +present Majesty's coronation, or in Manchester, on occasion of his visit to +that town, if they had been aware of the insolence with which he spoke of +us in notes written at intervals from the field of Waterloo. As though it +had been mere felony in our army to look a French one in the face, he said +more than once--"Here are the English--we have them: they are caught _en +flagrant delit_" Yet no man should have known us better; no man had drunk +deeper from the cup of humiliation than Soult had in the north of Portugal, +during the flight from an English army, and subsequently at Albuera, in the +bloodiest of recorded battles.] + +[NOTE 10. + +"_Three hundred_." Of necessity this scale of measurement, to an American, +if he happens to be a thoughtless man, must sound ludicrous. Accordingly, I +remember a case in which an American writer indulges himself in the luxury +of a little lying, by ascribing to an Englishman a pompous account of +the Thames, constructed entirely upon American ideas of grandeur, and +concluding in something like these terms:--"And, sir, arriving at London, +this mighty father of rivers attains a breadth of at least two furlongs, +having, in its winding course, traversed the astonishing distance of one +hundred and seventy miles." And this the candid American thinks it fair to +contrast with the scale of the Mississippi. Now, it is hardly worth while +to answer a pure falsehood gravely, else one might say that no Englishman +out of Bedlam ever thought of looking in an island for the rivers of +a continent; nor, consequently, could have thought of looking for the +peculiar grandeur of the Thames in the length of its course, or in the +extent of soil which it drains: yet, if he _had_ been so absurd, the +American might have recollected that a river, not to be compared with the +Thames even as to volume of water--viz. the Tiber--has contrived to make +itself heard of in this world for twenty-five centuries to an extent +not reached, nor likely to be reached very soon, by any river, however +corpulent, of his own land. The glory of the Thames is measured by the +density of the population to which it ministers, by the commerce which +it supports, by the grandeur of the empire in which, though far from the +largest, it is the most influential stream. Upon some such scale, and not +by a transfer of Columbian standards, is the course of our English mails to +be valued. The American may fancy the effect of his own valuations to our +English ears, by supposing the case of a Siberian glorifying his country in +these terms:--"These rascals, sir, in France and England, cannot march half +a mile in any direction without finding a house where food can be had and +lodging; whereas, such is the noble desolation of our magnificent country, +that in many a direction for a thousand miles, I will engage a dog shall +not find shelter from a snow-storm, nor a wren find an apology for +breakfast."] + + + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + +[THE reader is to understand this present paper, in its two sections of +_The Vision_, &c., and _The Dream-Fugue_, as connected with a previous +paper on _The English Mail-Coach_. The ultimate object was the Dream-Fugue, +as an attempt to wrestle with the utmost efforts of music in dealing with +a colossal form of impassioned horror. The Vision of Sudden Death contains +the mail-coach incident, which did really occur, and did really suggest +the variations of the Dream, here taken up by the Fugue, as well as other +variations not now recorded. Confluent with these impressions, from the +terrific experience on the Manchester and Glasgow mail, were other and more +general impressions, derived from long familiarity with the English mail, +as developed in the former paper; impressions, for instance, of animal +beauty and power, of rapid motion, at that time unprecedented, of +connection with the government and public business of a great nation, but, +above all, of connection with the national victories at an unexampled +crisis,--the mail being the privileged organ for publishing and dispersing +all news of that kind. From this function of the mail, arises naturally the +introduction of Waterloo into the fourth variation of the Fogue; for the +mail itself having been carried into the dreams by the incident in the +Vision, naturally all the accessory circumstances of pomp and grandeur +investing this national carriage followed in the train of the principal +image.] + +What is to be thought of sudden death? It is remarkable that, in different +conditions of society it has been variously regarded as the consummation of +an earthly career most fervently to be desired, and, on the other hand, +as that consummation which is most of all to be deprecated. Cæsar the +Dictator, at his last dinner party, (_coena_,) and the very evening before +his assassination, being questioned as to the mode of death which, in _his_ +opinion, might seem the most eligible, replied--"That which should be most +sudden." On the other hand, the divine Litany of our English Church, when +breathing forth supplications, as if in some representative character for +the whole human race prostrate before God, places such a death in the very +van of horrors. "From lightning and tempest; from plague, pestilence, and +famine; from battle and murder, and from sudden death,--_Good Lord, deliver +us_." Sudden death is here made to crown the climax in a grand ascent of +calamities; it is the last of curses; and yet, by the noblest of Romans, +it was treated as the first of blessings. In that difference, most readers +will see little more than the difference between Christianity and Paganism. +But there I hesitate. The Christian church may be right in its estimate of +sudden death; and it is a natural feeling, though after all it may also +be an infirm one, to wish for a quiet dismissal from life--as that which +_seems_ most reconcilable with meditation, with penitential retrospects, +and with the humilities of farewell prayer. There does not, however, occur +to me any direct scriptural warrant for this earnest petition of the +English Litany. It seems rather a petition indulged to human infirmity, +than exacted from human piety. And, however _that_ may be, two remarks +suggest themselves as prudent restraints upon a doctrine, which else _may_ +wander, and _has_ wandered, into an uncharitable superstition. The first +is this: that many people are likely to exaggerate the horror of a sudden +death, (I mean the _objective_ horror to him who contemplates such a +death, not the _subjective_ horror to him who suffers it,) from the false +disposition to lay a stress upon words or acts, simply because by an +accident they have become words or acts. If a man dies, for instance, +by some sudden death when he happens to be intoxicated, such a death is +falsely regarded with peculiar horror; as though the intoxication were +suddenly exalted into a blasphemy. But _that_ is unphilosophic. The man +was, or he was not, _habitually_ a drunkard. If not, if his intoxication +were a solitary accident, there can be no reason at all for allowing +special emphasis to this act, simply because through misfortune it became +his final act. Nor, on the other hand, if it were no accident, but one of +his _habitual_ transgressions, will it be the more habitual or the more a +transgression, because some sudden calamity, surprising him, has caused +this habitual transgression to be also a final one? Could the man have had +any reason even dimly to foresee his own sudden death, there would have +been a new feature in his act of intemperance--a feature of presumption and +irreverence, as in one that by possibility felt himself drawing near to the +presence of God. But this is no part of the case supposed. And the only new +element in the man's act is not any element of extra immorality, but simply +of extra misfortune. + +The other remark has reference to the meaning of the word _sudden_. And it +is a strong illustration of the duty which for ever calls us to the stern +valuation of words--that very possibly Cæesar and the Christian church do +not differ in the way supposed; that is, do not differ by any difference +of doctrine as between Pagan and Christian views of the moral temper +appropriate to death, but that they are contemplating different cases. +Both contemplate a violent death; a [Greek: biathanatos]--death that +is [Greek: biaios]: but the difference is--that the Roman by the word +"sudden" means an _unlingering_ death: whereas the Christian Litany +by "sudden" means a death _without warning_, consequently without any +available summons to religious preparation. The poor mutineer, who kneels +down to gather into his heart the bullets from twelve firelocks of his +pitying comrades, dies by a most sudden death in Cæsar's sense: one shock, +one mighty spasm, one (possibly _not_ one) groan, and all is over. But, +in the sense of the Litany, his death is far from sudden; his offence, +originally, his imprisonment, his trial, the interval between his sentence +and its execution, having all furnished him with separate warnings of his +fate--having all summoned him to meet it with solemn preparation. + +Meantime, whatever may be thought of a sudden death as a mere variety in +the modes of dying, where death in some shape is inevitable--a question +which, equally in the Roman and the Christian sense, will be variously +answered according to each man's variety of temperament--certainly, upon +one aspect of sudden death there can be no opening for doubt, that of all +agonies incident to man it is the most frightful, that of all martyrdoms it +is the most freezing to human sensibilities--namely, where it surprises a +man under circumstances which offer (or which seem to offer) some hurried +and inappreciable chance of evading it. Any effort, by which such an +evasion can be accomplished, must be as sudden as the danger which it +affronts. Even _that_, even the sickening necessity for hurrying in +extremity where all hurry seems destined to be vain, self-baffled, and +where the dreadful knell of _too_ late is already sounding in the ears by +anticipation--even that anguish is liable to a hideous exasperation in one +particular case, namely, where the agonising appeal is made not exclusively +to the instinct of self-preservation, but to the conscience, on behalf of +another life besides your own, accidentally cast upon _your_ protection. To +fail, to collapse in a service merely your own, might seem comparatively +venial; though, in fact, it is far from venial. But to fail in a case where +Providence has suddenly thrown into your hands the final interests of +another--of a fellow-creature shuddering between the gates of life and +death; this, to a man of apprehensive conscience, would mingle the misery +of an atrocious criminality with the misery of a bloody calamity. The man +is called upon, too probably, to die; but to die at the very moment when, +by any momentary collapse, he is self-denounced as a murderer. He had but +the twinkling of an eye for his effort, and that effort might, at the best, +have been unavailing; but from this shadow of a chance, small or great, how +if he has recoiled by a treasonable _lâcheté_? The effort _might_ have been +without hope; but to have risen to the level of that effort, would have +rescued him, though not from dying, yet from dying as a traitor to his +duties. + +The situation here contemplated exposes a dreadful ulcer, lurking far down +in the depths of human nature. It is not that men generally are summoned +to face such awful trials. But potentially, and in shadowy outline, such +a trial is moving subterraneously in perhaps all men's natures--muttering +under ground in one world, to be realized perhaps in some other. Upon the +secret mirror of our dreams such a trial is darkly projected at intervals, +perhaps, to every one of us. That dream, so familiar to childhood, of +meeting a lion, and, from languishing prostration in hope and vital energy, +that constant sequel of lying down before him, publishes the secret +frailty of human nature--reveals its deep-seated Pariah falsehood to +itself--records its abysmal treachery. Perhaps not one of us escapes that +dream; perhaps, as by some sorrowful doom of man, that dream repeats for +every one of us, through every generation, the original temptation in Eden. +Every one of us, in this dream, has a bait offered to the infirm places of +his own individual will; once again a snare is made ready for leading him +into captivity to a luxury of ruin; again, as in aboriginal Paradise, the +man falls from innocence; once again, by infinite iteration, the ancient +Earth groans to God, through her secret caves, over the weakness of her +child; "Nature, from her seat, sighing through all her works," again "gives +signs of woe that all is lost;" and again the counter sigh is repeated to +the sorrowing heavens of the endless rebellion against God. Many people +think that one man, the patriarch of our race, could not in his single +person execute this rebellion for all his race. Perhaps they are wrong. +But, even if not, perhaps in the world of dreams every one of us ratifies +for himself the original act. Our English rite of "Confirmation," by which, +in years of awakened reason, we take upon us the engagements contracted +for us in our slumbering infancy,--how sublime a rite is that! The little +postern gate, through which the baby in its cradle had been silently placed +for a time within the glory of God's countenance, suddenly rises to the +clouds as a triumphal arch, through which, with banners displayed and +martial pomps, we make our second entry as crusading soldiers militant +for God, by personal choice and by sacramental oath. Each man says in +effect--"Lo! I rebaptise myself; and that which once was sworn on my +behalf, now I swear for myself." Even so in dreams, perhaps, under some +secret conflict of the midnight sleeper, lighted up to the consciousness +at the time, but darkened to the memory as soon as all is finished, each +several child of our mysterious race completes for himself the aboriginal +fall. + +As I drew near to the Manchester post office, I found that it was +considerably past midnight; but to my great relief, as it was important for +me to be in Westmorland by the morning, I saw by the huge saucer eyes of +the mail, blazing through the gloom of overhanging houses, that my chance +was not yet lost. Past the time it was; but by some luck, very unusual in +my experience, the mail was not even yet ready to start. I ascended to +my seat on the box, where my cloak was still lying as it had lain at +the Bridgewater Arms. I had left it there in imitation of a nautical +discoverer, who leaves a bit of bunting on the shore of his discovery, by +way of warning off the ground the whole human race, and signalising to the +Christian and the heathen worlds, with his best compliments, that he has +planted his throne for ever upon that virgin soil: henceforward claiming +the _jus dominii_ to the top of the atmosphere above it, and also the right +of driving shafts to the centre of the earth below it; so that all people +found after this warning, either aloft in the atmosphere, or in the +shafts, or squatting on the soil, will be treated as trespassers--that is, +decapitated by their very faithful and obedient servant, the owner of the +said bunting. Possibly my cloak might not have been respected, and the _jus +gentium_ might have been cruelly violated in my person--for, in the dark, +people commit deeds of darkness, gas being a great ally of morality--but it +so happened that, on this night, there was no other outside passenger; +and the crime, which else was but too probable, missed fire for want of +a criminal. By the way, I may as well mention at this point, since a +circumstantial accuracy is essential to the effect of my narrative, that +there was no other person of any description whatever about the mail--the +guard, the coachman, and myself being allowed for--except only one--a +horrid creature of the class known to the world as insiders, but whom young +Oxford called sometimes "Trojans," in opposition to our Grecian selves, and +sometimes "vermin." A Turkish Effendi, who piques himself on good breeding, +will never mention by name a pig. Yet it is but too often that he has +reason to mention this animal; since constantly, in the streets of +Stamboul, he has his trousers deranged or polluted by this vile creature +running between his legs. But under any excess of hurry he is always +careful, out of respect to the company he is dining with, to suppress the +odious name, and to call the wretch "that other creature," as though all +animal life beside formed one group, and this odious beast (to whom, as +Chrysippus observed, salt serves as an apology for a soul) formed another +and alien group on the outside of creation. Now I, who am an English +Effendi, that think myself to understand good-breeding as well as any son +of Othman, beg my reader's pardon for having mentioned an insider by his +gross natural name. I shall do so no more; and, if I should have occasion +to glance at so painful a subject, I shall always call him "that other +creature." Let us hope, however, that no such distressing occasion will +arise. But, by the way, an occasion arises at this moment; for the reader +will be sure to ask, when we come to the story, "Was this other creature +present?" He was _not_; or more correctly, perhaps, _it_ was not. We +dropped the creature--or the creature, by natural imbecility, dropped +itself--within the first ten miles from Manchester. In the latter case, I +wish to make a philosophic remark of a moral tendency. When I die, or when +the reader dies, and by repute suppose of fever, it will never be known +whether we died in reality of the fever or of the doctor. But this other +creature, in the case of dropping out of the coach, will enjoy a coroner's +inquest; consequently he will enjoy an epitaph. For I insist upon it, that +the verdict of a coroner's jury makes the best of epitaphs. It is brief, so +that the public all find time to read; it is pithy, so that the surviving +friends (if any _can_ survive such a loss) remember it without fatigue; it +is upon oath, so that rascals and Dr. Johnsons cannot pick holes in it. +"Died through the visitation of intense stupidity, by impinging on a +moonlight night against the off hind wheel of the Glasgow mail! Deodand +upon the said wheel--two-pence." What a simple lapidary inscription! Nobody +much in the wrong but an off-wheel; and with few acquaintances; and if it +were but rendered into choice Latin, though there would be a little bother +in finding a Ciceronian word for "off-wheel," Marcellus himself, that great +master of sepulchral eloquence, could not show a better. Why I call this +little remark _moral_, is, from the compensation it points out. Here, by +the supposition, is that other creature on the one side, the beast of the +world; and he (or it) gets an epitaph. You and I, on the contrary, the +pride of our friends, get none. + +But why linger on the subject of vermin? Having mounted the box, I took a +small quantity of laudanum, having already travelled two hundred and fifty +miles--viz., from a point seventy miles beyond London, upon a simple +breakfast. In the taking of laudanum there was nothing extraordinary. But +by accident it drew upon me the special attention of my assessor on the +box, the coachman. And in _that_ there was nothing extraordinary. But by +accident, and with great delight, it drew my attention to the fact that +this coachman was a monster in point of size, and that he had but one eye. +In fact he had been foretold by Virgil as-- + + "Monstrum. horrendum, informe, ingens cui lumen adempium." + +He answered in every point--a monster he was--dreadful, shapeless, huge, +who had lost an eye. But why should _that_ delight me? Had he been one of +the Calendars in the Arabian Nights, and had paid down his eye as the price +of his criminal curiosity, what right had I to exult in his misfortune? I +did _not_ exult: I delighted in no man's punishment, though it were even +merited. But these personal distinctions identified in an instant an old +friend of mine, whom I had known in the south for some years as the most +masterly of mail-coachmen. He was the man in all Europe that could best +have undertaken to drive six-in-hand full gallop over _Al Sirat_--that +famous bridge of Mahomet across the bottomless gulf, backing himself +against the Prophet and twenty such fellows. I used to call him _Cyclops +mastigophorus_, Cyclops the whip-bearer, until I observed that his skill +made whips useless, except to fetch off an impertinent fly from a leader's +head; upon which I changed his Grecian name to Cyclops _diphrélates_ +(Cyclops the charioteer.) I, and others known to me, studied under him the +diphrelatic art. Excuse, reader, a word too elegant to be pedantic. And +also take this remark from me, as a _gage d'amitié_--that no word ever +was or _can_ be pedantic which, by supporting a distinction, supports the +accuracy of logic; or which fills up a chasm for the understanding. As a +pupil, though I paid extra fees, I cannot say that I stood high in +his esteem. It showed his dogged honesty, (though, observe, not his +discernment,) that he could not see my merits. Perhaps we ought to excuse +his absurdity in this particular by remembering his want of an eye. _That_ +made him blind to my merits. Irritating as this blindness was, (surely +it could not be envy?) he always courted my conversation, in which art I +certainly had the whip-hand of him. On this occasion, great joy was at our +meeting. But what was Cyclops doing here? Had the medical men recommended +northern air, or how? I collected, from such explanations as he +volunteered, that he had an interest at stake in a suit-at-law pending at +Lancaster; so that probably he had got himself transferred to this station, +for the purpose of connecting with his professional pursuits an instant +readiness for the calls of his lawsuit. + +Meantime, what are we stopping for? Surely, we've been waiting long enough. +Oh, this procrastinating mail, and oh this procrastinating post-office! +Can't they take a lesson upon that subject from _me_? Some people have +called _me_ procrastinating. Now you are witness, reader, that I was in +time for _them_. But can _they_ lay their hands on their hearts, and say +that they were in time for me? I, during my life, have often had to wait +for the post-office; the post-office never waited a minute for me. What are +they about? The guard tells me that there is a large extra accumulation of +foreign mails this night, owing to irregularities caused by war and by the +packet service, when as yet nothing is done by steam. For an _extra_ hour, +it seems, the post-office has been engaged in threshing out the pure +wheaten correspondence of Glasgow, and winnowing it from the chaff of all +baser intermediate towns. We can hear the flails going at this moment. But +at last all is finished. Sound your horn, guard. Manchester, good bye; +we've lost an hour by your criminal conduct at the post-office; which, +however, though I do not mean to part with a serviceable ground of +complaint, and one which really is such for the horses, to me secretly is +an advantage, since it compels us to recover this last hour amongst the +next eight or nine. Off we are at last, and at eleven miles an hour; and at +first I detect no changes in the energy or in the skill of Cyclops. + +From Manchester to Kendal, which virtually (though not in law) is the +capital of Westmoreland, were at this time seven stages of eleven miles +each. The first five of these, dated from Manchester, terminated in +Lancaster, which was therefore fifty-five miles north of Manchester, and +the same distance exactly from Liverpool. The first three terminated in +Preston, (called, by way of distinction from other towns of that name, +_proud_ Preston,) at which place it was that the separate roads from +Liverpool and from Manchester to the north became confluent. Within these +first three stages lay the foundation, the progress, and termination of our +night's adventure. During the first stage, I found out that Cyclops was +mortal: he was liable to the shocking affection of sleep--a thing which I +had never previously suspected. If a man is addicted to the vicious habit +of sleeping, all the skill in aurigation of Apollo himself, with the horses +of Aurora to execute the motions of his will, avail him nothing. "Oh, +Cyclops!" I exclaimed more than once, "Cyclops, my friend; thou art mortal. +Thou snorest." Through this first eleven miles, however, he betrayed +his infirmity--which I grieve to say he shared with the whole Pagan +Pantheon--only by short stretches. On waking up, he made an apology for +himself, which, instead of mending the matter, laid an ominous foundation +for coming disasters. The summer assizes were now proceeding at Lancaster: +in consequence of which, for three nights and three days, he had not lain +down in a bed. During the day, he was waiting for his uncertain summons as +a witness on the trial in which he was interested; or he was drinking with +the other witnesses, under the vigilant surveillance of the attorneys. +During the night, or that part of it when the least temptations existed to +conviviality, he was driving. Throughout the second stage he grew more and +more drowsy. In the second mile of the third stage, he surrendered himself +finally and without a struggle to his perilous temptation. All his past +resistance had but deepened the weight of this final oppression. Seven +atmospheres of sleep seemed resting upon him; and, to consummate the case, +our worthy guard, after singing "Love amongst the Roses," for the fiftieth +or sixtieth time, without any invitation from Cyclops or myself, and +without applause for his poor labors, had moodily resigned himself to +slumber--not so deep doubtless as the coachman's, but deep enough for +mischief; and having, probably, no similar excuse. And thus at last, about +ten miles from Preston, I found myself left in charge of his Majesty's +London and Glasgow mail, then running about eleven miles an hour. + +What made this negligence less criminal than else it must have been +thought, was the condition of the roads at night during the assizes. At +that time all the law business of populous Liverpool, and of populous +Manchester, with its vast cincture of populous rural districts, was called +up by ancient usage to the tribunal of Lilliputian Lancaster. To break up +this old traditional usage required a conflict with powerful established +interests, a large system of new arrangements, and a new parliamentary +statute. As things were at present, twice in the year so vast a body of +business rolled northwards, from the southern quarter of the county, that +a fortnight at least occupied the severe exertions of two judges for its +dispatch. The consequence of this was--that every horse available for such +a service, along the whole line of road, was exhausted in carrying down the +multitudes of people who were parties to the different suits. By sunset, +therefore, it usually happened that, through utter exhaustion amongst +men and horses, the roads were all silent. Except exhaustion in the vast +adjacent county of York from a contested election, nothing like it was +ordinarily witnessed in England. + +On this occasion, the usual silence and solitude prevailed along the road. +Not a hoof nor a wheel was to be heard. And to strengthen this false +luxurious confidence in the noiseless roads, it happened also that the +night was one of peculiar solemnity and peace. I myself, though slightly +alive to the possibilities of peril, had so far yielded to the influence of +the mighty calm as to sink into a profound reverie. The month was August, +in which lay my own birth-day; a festival to every thoughtful man +suggesting solemn and often sigh-born thoughts.[1] The county was my own +native county--upon which, in its southern section, more than upon any +equal area known to man past or present, had descended the original curse +of labour in its heaviest form, not mastering the bodies of men only as of +slaves, or criminals in mines, but working through the fiery will. Upon no +equal space of earth, was, or ever had been, the same energy of human +power put forth daily. At this particular season also of the assizes, that +dreadful hurricane of flight and pursuit, as it might have seemed to a +stranger, that swept to and from Lancaster all day long, hunting the +county up and down, and regularly subsiding about sunset, united with the +permanent distinction of Lancashire as the very metropolis and citadel of +labour, to point the thoughts pathetically upon that counter vision of +rest, of saintly repose from strife and sorrow, towards which, as to their +secret haven, the profounder aspirations of man's heart are continually +travelling. Obliquely we were nearing the sea upon our left, which also +must, under the present circumstances, be repeating the general state of +halcyon repose. The sea, the atmosphere, the light, bore an orchestral part +in this universal lull. Moonlight, in the first timid tremblings of the +dawn, were now blending: and the blendings were brought into a still more +exquisite state of unity, by a slight silvery mist, motionless and dreamy, +that covered the woods and fields, but with a veil of equable transparency. +Except the feet of our own horses, which, running on a sandy margin of the +road, made little disturbance, there was no sound abroad. In the clouds, +and on the earth, prevailed the same majestic peace; and in spite of all +that the villain of a schoolmaster has done for the ruin of our sublimer +thoughts, which are the thoughts of our infancy, we still believe in no +such nonsense as a limited atmosphere. Whatever we may swear with our false +feigning lips, in our faithful hearts we still believe, and must for ever +believe, in fields of air traversing the total gulf between earth and the +central heavens. Still, in the confidence of children that tread without +fear _every_ chamber in their father's house, and to whom no door is +closed, we, in that Sabbatic vision which sometimes is revealed for an hour +upon nights like this, ascend with easy steps from the sorrow-stricken +fields of earth, upwards to the sandals of God. + +[Footnote 1: "Sigh-born:" I owe the suggestion of this word to an obscure +remembrance of a beautiful phrase in Giraldus Gambrensis, viz., _suspiriosæ +cogilationes_.] + +Suddenly from thoughts like these, I was awakened to a sullen sound, as +of some motion on the distant road. It stole upon the air for a moment; I +listened in awe; but then it died away. Once roused, however, I could not +but observe with alarm the quickened motion of our horses. Ten years' +experience had made my eye learned in the valuing of motion; and I saw that +we were now running thirteen miles an hour. I pretend to no presence of +mind. On the contrary, my fear is, that I am miserably and shamefully +deficient in that quality as regards action. The palsy of doubt and +distraction hangs like some guilty weight of dark unfathomed remembrances +upon my energies, when the signal is flying for _action_. But, on the other +hand, this accursed gift I have, as regards _thought_, that in the first +step towards the possibility of a misfortune, I see its total evolution: in +the radix I see too certainly and too instantly its entire expansion; in +the first syllable of the dreadful sentence, I read already the last. It +was not that I feared for ourselves. What could injure _us_? Our bulk and +impetus charmed us against peril in any collision. And I had rode through +too many hundreds of perils that were frightful to approach, that were +matter of laughter as we looked back upon them, for any anxiety to rest +upon _our_ interests. The mail was not built, I felt assured, nor bespoke, +that could betray _me_ who trusted to its protection. But any carriage that +we could meet would be frail and light in comparison of ourselves. And I +remarked this ominous accident of our situation. We were on the wrong side +of the road. But then the other party, if other there was, might also be on +the wrong side; and two wrongs might make a right. _That_ was not likely. +The same motive which had drawn _us_ to the right-hand side of the road, +viz., the soft beaten sand, as contrasted with the paved centre, would +prove attractive to others. Our lamps, still lighted, would give the +impression of vigilance on our part. And every creature that met us, would +rely upon _us_ for quartering.[1] All this, and if the separate links of +the anticipation had been a thousand times more, I saw--not discursively or +by effort--but as by one flash of horrid intuition. + +[Footnote 1: "_Quartering_"--this is the technical word; and, I presume +derived from the French _carlayer_, to evade a rut or any obstacle.] + +Under this steady though rapid anticipation of the evil which _might_ be +gathering ahead, ah, reader! what a sullen mystery of fear, what a sigh of +woe, seemed to steal upon the air, as again the far-off sound of a +wheel was heard! A whisper it was--a whisper from, perhaps, four miles +off--secretly announcing a ruin that, being foreseen, was not the less +inevitable. What could be done--who was it that could do it--to check the +storm-flight of these maniacal horses? What! could I not seize the reins +from the grasp of the slumbering coachman? You, reader, think that it would +have been in _your_ power to do so. And I quarrel not with your estimate of +yourself. But, from the way in which the coachman's hand was viced between +his upper and lower thigh, this was impossible. The guard subsequently +found it impossible, after this danger had passed. Not the grasp only, but +also the position of this Polyphemus, made the attempt impossible. You +still think otherwise. See, then, that bronze equestrian statue. The cruel +rider has kept the bit in his horse's mouth for two centuries. Unbridle +him, for a minute, if you please, and wash his mouth with water. Or stay, +reader, unhorse me that marble emperor; knock me those marble feet from +those marble stirrups of Charlemagne. + +The sounds ahead strengthened, and were now too clearly the sounds of +wheels. Who and what could it be? Was it industry in a taxed cart? Was it +youthful gaiety in a gig? Whoever it was, something must be attempted to +warn them. Upon the other party rests the active responsibility, but upon +_us_--and, woe is me! that _us_ was my single self--rest the responsibility +of warning. Yet, how should this be accomplished? Might I not seize the +guard's horn? Already, on the first thought, I was making my way over the +roof to the guard's seat. But this, from the foreign mails being piled upon +the roof, was a difficult, and even dangerous attempt, to one cramped by +nearly three hundred miles of outside travelling. And, fortunately, before +I had lost much time in the attempt, our frantic horses swept round an +angle of the road, which opened upon us the stage where the collision must +be accomplished, the parties that seemed summoned to the trial, and the +impossibility of saving them by any communication with the guard. + +Before us lay an avenue, straight as an arrow, six hundred yards, perhaps, +in length; and the umbrageous trees, which rose in a regular line from +either side, meeting high overhead, gave to it the character of a cathedral +aisle. These trees lent a deeper solemnity to the early light; but there +was still light enough to perceive, at the further end of this gothic +aisle, a light, reedy gig, in which were seated a young man, and, by his +side, a young lady. Ah, young sir! what are you about? If it is necessary +that you should whisper your communications to this young lady--though +really I see nobody at this hour, and on this solitary road, likely to +overhear your conversation--is it, therefore, necessary that you should +carry your lips forward to hers? The little carriage is creeping on at one +mile an hour; and the parties within it, being thus tenderly engaged, are +naturally bending down their heads. Between them and eternity, to all human +calculation, there is but a minute and a half. What is it that I shall do? +Strange it is, and to a mere auditor of the tale, might seem laughable, +that I should need a suggestion from the _Iliad_ to prompt the sole +recourse that remained. But so it was. Suddenly I remembered the shout of +Achilles, and its effect. But could I pretend to shout like the son of +Peleus, aided by Pallas? No, certainly: but then I needed not the shout +that should alarm all Asia militant; a shout would suffice, such as should +carry terror into the hearts of two thoughtless young people, and one +gig horse. I shouted--and the young man heard me not. A second time I +shouted--and now he heard me, for now he raised his head. + +Here, then, all had been done that, by me, _could_ be done: more on _my_ +part was not possible. Mine had been the first step: the second was for the +young man: the third was for God. If, said I, the stranger is a brave man, +and if, indeed, he loves the young girl at his side--or, loving her not, if +he feels the obligation pressing upon every man worthy to be called a man, +of doing his utmost for a woman confided to his protection--he will at +least make some effort to save her. If _that_ fails, he will not perish the +more, or by a death more cruel, for having made it; and he will die as a +brave man should, with his face to the danger, and with his arm about the +woman that he sought in vain to save. But if he makes no effort, shrinking, +without a struggle, from his duty, he himself will not the less certainly +perish for this baseness of poltroonery. He will die no less: and why not? +Wherefore should we grieve that there is one craven less in the world? No; +_let_ him perish, without a pitying thought of ours wasted upon him; and, +in that case, all our grief will be reserved for the fate of the helpless +girl, who now, upon the least shadow of failure in _him_, must, by the +fiercest of translations--must, without time for a prayer--must, within +seventy seconds, stand before the judgment-seat of God. + +But craven he was not: sudden had been the call upon him, and sudden was +his answer to the call. He saw, he heard, he comprehended, the ruin that +was coming down: already its gloomy shadow darkened above him; and already +he was measuring his strength to deal with it. Ah! what a vulgar thing does +courage seem, when we see nations buying it and selling it for a shilling a +day: ah! what a sublime thing does courage seem, when some fearful crisis +on the great deeps of life carries a man, as if running before a hurricane, +up to the giddy crest of some mountainous wave, from which accordingly as +he chooses his course, he describes two courses, and a voice says to him +audibly, "This way lies hope; take the other way and mourn for ever!" Yet, +even then, amidst the raving of the seas and the frenzy of the danger, the +man is able to confront his situation--is able to retire for a moment +into solitude with God, and to seek all his counsel from _him_! For seven +seconds, it might be, of his seventy, the stranger settled his countenance +steadfastly upon us, as if to search and value every element in the +conflict before him. For five seconds more he sate immovably, like one that +mused on some great purpose. For five he sate with eyes upraised, like one +that prayed in sorrow, under some extremity of doubt, for wisdom to guide +him towards the better choice. Then suddenly he rose; stood upright; and, +by a sudden strain upon the reins, raising his horse's forefeet from the +ground, he slewed him round on the pivot of his hind legs, so as to plant +the little equipage in a position nearly at right angles to ours. Thus +far his condition was not improved; except as a first step had been taken +towards the possibility of a second. If no more were done, nothing was +done; for the little carriage still occupied the very centre of our path, +though in an altered direction. Yet even now it may not be too late: +fifteen of the twenty seconds may still be unexhausted; and one almighty +bound forward may avail to clear the ground. Hurry then; hurry! for the +flying moments--_they_ hurry! Oh hurry, hurry, my brave young man! for the +cruel hoofs of our horses--_they_ also hurry! Fast are the flying moments, +faster are the hoofs of our horses. Fear not for _him_, if human energy can +suffice: faithful was he that drove, to his terrific duty; faithful was the +horse to _his_ command. One blow, one impulse given with voice and hand by +the stranger, one rush from the horse, one bound as if in the act of rising +to a fence, landed the docile creature's forefeet upon the crown or arching +centre of the road. The larger half of the little equipage had then cleared +our over-towering shadow: _that_ was evident even to my own agitated sight. +But it mattered little that one wreck should float off in safety, if upon +the wreck that perished were embarked the human freightage. The rear part +of the carriage--was _that_ certainly beyond the line of absolute ruin? +What power could answer the question? Glance of eye, thought of man, wing +of angel, which of these had speed enough to sweep between the question and +the answer, and divide the one from the other? Light does not tread upon +the steps of light more indivisibly, than did our all-conquering arrival +upon the escaping efforts of the gig. _That_ must the young man have felt +too plainly. His back was now turned to us; not by sight could he any +longer communicate with the peril; but by the dreadful rattle of our +harness, too truly had his ear been instructed--that all was finished as +regarded any further effort of _his_. Already in resignation he had rested +from his struggle; and perhaps, in his heart he was whispering--"Father, +which art above, do thou finish in heaven what I on earth have attempted." +We ran past them faster than ever mill-race in our inexorable flight. Oh, +raving of hurricanes that must have sounded in their young ears at the +moment of our transit! Either with the swingle-bar, or with the haunch of +our near leader, we had struck the off-wheel of the little gig, which stood +rather obliquely and not quite so far advanced as to be accurately parallel +with the near wheel. The blow, from the fury of our passage, resounded +terrifically. I rose in horror, to look upon the ruins we might have +caused. From my elevated station I looked down., and looked back upon the +scene, which in a moment told its tale, and wrote all its records on my +heart for ever. + +The horse was planted immovably, with his fore-feet upon the paved crest of +the central road. He of the whole party was alone untouched by the passion +of death. The little cany carriage--partly perhaps from the dreadful +torsion of the wheels in its recent movement, partly from the thundering +blow we had given to it--as if it sympathized with human horror, was all +alive with tremblings and shiverings. The young man sat like a rock. He +stirred not at all. But _his_ was the steadiness of agitation frozen into +rest by horror. As yet he dared not to look round; for he knew that, if +anything remained to do, by him it could no longer be done. And as yet he +knew not for certain if their safety were accomplished. But the lady-- + +But the lady--! Oh heavens! will that spectacle ever depart from my dreams, +as she rose and sank upon her seat, sank and rose, threw up her arms wildly +to heaven, clutched at some visionary object in the air, fainting, praying, +raving, despairing! Figure to yourself, reader, the elements of the case; +suffer me to recall before your mind the circumstances of the unparalleled +situation. From the silence and deep peace of this saintly summer +night--from the pathetic blending of this sweet moonlight, dawnlight, +dreamlight--from the manly tenderness of this flattering, whispering, +murmuring love--suddenly as from the woods and fields--suddenly as from +the chambers of the air opening in revelation--suddenly as from the ground +yawning at her feet, leaped upon her, with the flashing of cataracts, Death +the crowned phantom, with all the equipage of his terrors, and the tiger +roar of his voice. + +The moments were numbered. In the twinkling of an eye our flying horses had +carried us to the termination of the umbrageous aisle; at right angles we +wheeled into our former direction; the turn of the road carried the scene +out of my eyes in an instant, and swept it into my dreams for ever. + + + +DREAM-FUGUE. + +ON THE ABOVE THEME OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + + "Whence the sound + Of instruments, that made melodious chime, + Was heard, of harp and organ; and who mov'd + Their stops and chords, was seen; his volant touch + Instinct through all proportions, low and high, + Fled and pursued transverse the resonant fugue." + +_Par. Lost, B. XL_ + +_Tumultuosissimamente_. + +Passion of Sudden Death! that once in youth I read and interpreted by the +shadows of thy averted[1] signs;--Rapture of panic taking the shape which +amongst tombs in churches I have seen, of woman bursting her sepulchral +bonds--of woman's Ionic form bending forward from the ruins of her grave +with arching foot, with eyes upraised, with clasped adoring hands--waiting, +watching, trembling, praying, for the trumpet's call to rise from dust +for ever!--Ah, vision too fearful of shuddering humanity on the brink +of abysses! vision that didst start back--that didst reel away--like a +shrivelling scroll from before the wrath of fire racing on the wings of the +wind! Epilepsy so brief of horror--wherefore is it that thou canst not die? +Passing so suddenly into darkness, wherefore is it that still thou sheddest +thy sad funeral blights upon the gorgeous mosaics of dreams? Fragment of +music too stern, heard once and heard no more, what aileth thee that thy +deep rolling chords come up at intervals through all the worlds of sleep, +and after thirty years have lost no element of horror? + +[Footnote 1: "_Averted signs_."--I read the course and changes of the +lady's agony in the succession of her involuntary gestures; but let it be +remembered that I read all this from the rear, never once catching the +lady's full face, and even her profile imperfectly.] + + +1. + +Lo, it is summer, almighty summer! The everlasting gates of life and summer +are thrown open wide; and on the ocean, tranquil and verdant as a savanna, +the unknown lady from the dreadful vision and I myself are floating: she +upon a fairy pinnace, and I upon an English three-decker. But both of +us are wooing gales of festal happiness within the domain of our common +country--within that ancient watery park--within that pathless chase where +England takes her pleasure as a huntress through winter and summer, and +which stretches from the rising to the setting sun. Ah! what a wilderness +of floral beauty was hidden, or was suddenly revealed, upon the tropic +islands, through which the pinnace moved. And upon her deck what a bevy +of human flowers--young women how lovely, young men how noble, that were +dancing together, and slowly drifting towards _us_ amidst music and +incense, amidst blossoms from forests and gorgeous corymbi from vintages, +amidst natural caroling and the echoes of sweet girlish laughter. Slowly +the pinnace nears us, gaily she hails us, and slowly she disappears beneath +the shadow of our mighty bows. But then, as at some signal from heaven, the +music and the carols, and the sweet echoing of girlish laughter--all are +hushed. What evil has smitten the pinnace, meeting or overtaken her? Did +ruin to our friends couch within our own dreadful shadow? Was our shadow +the shadow of death? I looked over the bow for an answer; and, behold! the +pinnace was dismantled; the revel and the revellers were found no more; the +glory of the vintage was dust; and the forest was left without a witness to +its beauty upon the seas. "But where," and I turned to our own crew--"Where +are the lovely women that danced beneath the awning of flowers and +clustering corymbi? Whither have fled the noble young men that danced with +_them_?" Answer there was none. But suddenly the man at the mast-head, +whose countenance darkened with alarm, cried out--"Sail on the weather +beam! Down she comes upon us: in seventy seconds she will founder!" + + +2. + +I looked to the weather side, and the summer had departed. The sea was +rocking, and shaken with gathering wrath. Upon its surface sate mighty +mists, which grouped themselves into arches and long cathedral aisles. Down +one of these, with the fiery pace of a quarrel from a cross-bow, ran a +frigate right athwart our course. "Are they mad?" some voice exclaimed from +our deck. "Are they blind? Do they woo their ruin?" But in a moment, as she +was close upon us, some impulse of a heady current or sudden vortex gave a +wheeling bias to her course, and off she forged without a shock. As she ran +past us, high aloft amongst the shrouds stood the lady of the pinnace. The +deeps opened ahead in malice to receive her, towering surges of foam ran +after her, the billows were fierce to catch her. But far away she was borne +into desert spaces of the sea: whilst still by sight I followed her, as she +ran before the howling gale, chased by angry sea-birds and by maddening +billows; still I saw her, as at the moment when she ran past us, amongst +the shrouds, with her white draperies streaming before the wind. There +she stood with hair dishevelled, one hand clutched amongst the +tackling--rising, sinking, fluttering, trembling, praying--there for +leagues I saw her as she stood, raising at intervals one hand to heaven, +amidst the fiery crests of the pursuing waves and the raving of the storm; +until at last, upon a sound from afar of malicious laughter and mockery, +all was hidden for ever in driving showers; and afterwards, but when I know +not, and how I know not. + + +3. + +Sweet funeral bells from some incalculable distance, wailing over the dead +that die before the dawn, awakened me as I slept in a boat moored to some +familiar shore. The morning twilight even then was breaking; and, by the +dusky revelations which it spread, I saw a girl adorned with a garland +of white roses about her head for some great festival, running along the +solitary strand with extremity of haste. Her running was the running of +panic; and often she looked back as to some dreadful enemy in the rear. But +when I leaped ashore, and followed on her steps to warn her of a peril in +front, alas! from me she fled as from another peril; and vainly I shouted +to her of quicksands that lay ahead. Faster and faster she ran; round a +promontory of rocks she wheeled out of sight; in an instant I also wheeled +round it, but only to see the treacherous sands gathering above her head. +Already her person was buried; only the fair young head and the diadem of +white roses around it were still visible to the pitying heavens; and, last +of all, was visible one marble arm. I saw by the early twilight this fair +young head, as it was sinking down to darkness--saw this marble arm, as it +rose above her head and her treacherous grave, tossing, faultering, +rising, clutching as at some false deceiving hand stretched out from the +clouds--saw this marble arm uttering her dying hope, and then her dying +despair. The head, the diadem, the arm,--these all had sunk; at last over +these also the cruel quicksand had closed; and no memorial of the fair +young girl remained on earth, except my own solitary tears, and the funeral +bells from the desert seas, that, rising again more softly, sang a requiem +over the grave of the buried child, and over her blighted dawn. + +I sate, and wept in secret the tears that men have ever given to the memory +of those that died before the dawn, and by the treachery of earth, our +mother. But the tears and funeral bells were hushed suddenly by a shout +as of many nations, and by a roar as from some great king's artillery +advancing rapidly along the valleys, and heard afar by its echoes among +the mountains. "Hush!" I said, as I bent my ear earthwards to +listen--"hush!--this either is the very anarchy of strife, or else"--and +then I listened more profoundly, and said as I raised my head--"or else, oh +heavens! it is _victory_ that swallows up all strife." + + +4. + +Immediately, in trance, I was carried over land and sea to some distant +kingdom, and placed upon a triumphal car, amongst companions crowned with +laurel. The darkness of gathering midnight, brooding over all the land, hid +from us the mighty crowds that were weaving restlessly about our carriage +as a centre--we heard them, but we saw them not. Tidings had arrived, +within an hour, of a grandeur that measured itself against centuries; too +full of pathos they were, too full of joy that acknowledged no fountain +but God, to utter themselves by other language than by tears, by restles +anthems, by reverberations rising from every choir, of the _Gloria in +excelsis_. These tidings we that sate upon the laurelled car had it for our +privilege to publish amongst all nations. And already, by signs audible +through the darkness, by snortings and tramplings, our angry horses, that +knew no fear of fleshly weariness, upbraided us with delay. Wherefore _was_ +it that we delayed? We waited for a secret word, that should bear witness +to the hope of nations, as now accomplished for ever. At midnight the +secret word arrived; which word was--Waterloo and Recovered Christendom! +The dreadful word shone by its own light; before us it went; high above our +leaders' heads it rode, and spread a golden light over the paths which we +traversed. Every city, at the presence of the secret word, threw open its +gates to receive us. The rivers were silent as we crossed. All the infinite +forests, as we ran along their margins, shivered in homage to the secret +word. And the darkness comprehended it. + +Two hours after midnight we reached a mighty minster. Its gates, which rose +to the clouds, were closed. But when the dreadful word, that rode before +us, reached them with its golden light, silently they moved back upon their +hinges; and at a flying gallop our equipage entered the grand aisle of the +cathedral. Headlong was our pace; and at every altar, in the little chapels +and oratories to the right hand and left of our course, the lamps, dying or +sickening, kindled anew in sympathy with the secret word that was flying +past. Forty leagues we might have run in the cathedral, and as yet no +strength of morning light had reached us, when we saw before us the aërial +galleries of the organ and the choir. Every pinnacle of the fretwork, every +station of advantage amongst the traceries, was crested by white-robed +choristers, that sang deliverance; that wept no more tears, as once their +fathers had wept; but at intervals that sang together to the generations, +saying-- + + "Chaunt the deliverer's praise in every tongue," + +and receiving answers from afar, + + --"such as once in heaven and earth were sung." + +And of their chaunting was no end; of our headlong pace was neither pause +nor remission. + +Thus, as we ran like torrents--thus, as we swept with bridal rapture over +the Campo Santo[1] of the cathedral graves--suddenly we became aware of +a vast necropolis rising upon the far-off horizon--a city of sepulchres, +built within the saintly cathedral for the warrior dead that rested from +their feuds on earth. Of purple granite was the necropolis; yet, in the +first minute, it lay like a purple stain upon the horizon--so mighty was +the distance. In the second minute it trembled through many changes, +growing into terraces and towers of wondrous altitude, so mighty was the +pace. In the third minute already, with our dreadful gallop, we were +entering its suburbs. Vast sarcophagi rose on every side, having towers and +turrets that, upon the limits of the central aisle, strode forward with +haughty intrusion, that ran back with mighty shadows into answering +recesses. Every sarcophagus showed many bas-reliefs--bas-reliefs of +battles--bas-reliefs of battle-fields; of battles from forgotten ages--of +battles from yesterday--of battle-fields that, long since, nature had +healed and reconciled to herself with the sweet oblivion of flowers--of +battle-fields that were yet angry and crimson with carnage. Where the +terraces ran, there did _we_ run; where the towers curved, there did _we_ +curve. With the flight of swallows our horses swept round every angle. Like +rivers in flood, wheeling round headlands; like hurricanes that side +into the secrets of forests; faster than ever light unwove the mazes of +darkness, our flying equipage carried earthly passions--kindled warrior +instincts--amongst the dust that lay around us; dust oftentimes of our +noble fathers that had slept in God from Créci to Trafalgar. And now had we +reached the last sarcophagus, now were we abreast of the last bas-relief, +already had we recovered the arrow-like flight of the illimitable central +aisle, when coming up this aisle to meet us we beheld a female infant that +rode in a carriage as frail as flowers. The mists, which went before her, +hid the fawns that drew her, but could not hide the shells and tropic +flowers with which she played--but could not hide the lovely smiles by +which she uttered her trust in the mighty cathedral, and in the cherubim +that looked down upon her from the topmast shafts of its pillars. Face to +face she was meeting us; face to face she rode, as if danger there were +none. "Oh, baby!" I exclaimed, "shalt thou be the ransom for Waterloo? Must +we, that carry tidings of great joy to every people, be messengers of ruin +to thee?" In horror I rose at the thought; but then also, in horror at the +thought, rose one that was sculptured on the bas-relief--a dying trumpeter. +Solemnly from the field of battle he rose to his feet; and, unslinging +his stony trumpet, carried it, in his dying anguish, to his stony +lips--sounding once, and yet once again; proclamation that, in _thy_ ears, +oh baby! must have spoken from the battlements of death. Immediately deep +shadows fell between us, and aboriginal silence. The choir had ceased to +sing. The hoofs of our horses, the rattling of our harness, alarmed the +graves no more. By horror the bas-relief had been unlocked into life. By +horror we, that were so full of life, we men and our horses, with their +fiery fore-legs rising in mid air to their everlasting gallop, were frozen +to a bas-relief. Then a third time the trumpet sounded; the seals were +taken off all pulses; life, and the frenzy of life, tore into their +channels again; again the choir burst forth in sunny grandeur, as from +the muffling of storms and darkness; again the thunderings of our horses +carried temptation into the graves. One cry burst from our lips as the +clouds, drawing off from the aisle, showed it empty before us--"Whither has +the infant fled?--is the young child caught up to God?" Lo! afar off, in a +vast recess, rose three mighty windows to the clouds: and on a level with +their summits, at height insuperable to man, rose an altar of purest +alabaster. On its eastern face was trembling a crimson glory. Whence came +_that_? Was it from the reddening dawn that now streamed _through_ the +windows? Was it from the crimson robes of the martyrs that were painted +_on_ the windows? Was it from the bloody bas-reliefs of earth? Whencesoever +it were--there, within that crimson radiance, suddenly appeared a female +head, and then a female figure. It was the child--now grown up to woman's +height. Clinging to the horns of the altar, there she stood--sinking, +rising, trembling, fainting--raving, despairing; and behind the volume of +incense that, night and day, streamed upwards from the altar, was seen the +fiery font, and dimly was descried the outline of the dreadful being that +should baptize her with the baptism of death. But by her side was kneeling +her better angel, that hid his face with wings; that wept and pleaded for +_her_; that prayed when _she_ could _not_; that fought with heaven by tears +for _her_ deliverance; which also, as he raised his immortal countenance +from his wings, I saw, by the glory in his eye, that he had won at last. + +[Footnote 1: _Campo Santo_.--It is probable that most of my readers will be +acquainted with the history of the Campo Santo at Pisa--composed of earth +brought from Jerusalem for a bed of sanctity, as the highest prize which +the noble piety of crusaders could ask or imagine. There is another Campo +Santo at Naples, formed, however, (I presume,) on the example given by +Pisa. Possibly the idea may have been more extensively copied. To readers +who are unacquainted with England, or who (being English) are yet +unacquainted with the cathedral cities of England, it may be right to +mention that the graves within-side the cathedrals often form a flat +pavement over which carriages and horses might roll; and perhaps a boyish +remembrance of one particular cathedral, across which I had seen passengers +walk and burdens carried, may have assisted my dream.] + + +5. + +Then rose the agitation, spreading through the infinite cathedral, to its +agony; then was completed the passion of the mighty fugue. The golden +tubes of the organ, which as yet had but sobbed and muttered at +intervals--gleaming amongst clouds and surges of incense--threw up, as +from fountains unfathomable, columns of heart-shattering music. Choir +and anti-choir were filling fast with unknown voices. Thou also, Dying +Trumpeter!--with thy love that was victorious, and thy anguish that was +finishing, didst enter the tumult: trumpet and echo--farewell love, and +farewell anguish--rang through the dreadful _sanctus_. We, that spread +flight before us, heard the tumult, as of flight, mustering behind us. In +fear we looked round for the unknown steps that, in flight or in pursuit, +were gathering upon our own. Who were these that followed? The faces, which +no man could count--whence were _they_? "Oh, darkness of the grave!" I +exclaimed, "that from the crimson altar and from the fiery font wert +visited with secret light--that wert searched by the effulgence in the +angel's eye--were these indeed thy children? Pomps of life, that, from the +burials of centuries, rose again to the voice of perfect joy, could it be +_ye_ that had wrapped me in the reflux of panic?" What ailed me, that I +should fear when the triumphs of earth were advancing? Ah! Pariah heart +within me, that couldst never hear the sound of joy without sullen whispers +of treachery in ambush; that, from six years old, didst never hear the +promise of perfect love, without seeing aloft amongst the stars fingers +as of a man's hand, writing the secret legend--"_Ashes to ashes, dust to +dust_!"--wherefore shouldst _thou_ not fear, though all men should rejoice? +Lo! as I looked back for seventy leagues through the mighty cathedral, and +saw the quick and the dead that sang together to God, together that sang +to the generations of man--ah! raving, as of torrents that opened on every +side: trepidation, as of female and infant steps that fled--ah! rushing, +as of wings that chase! But I heard a voice from heaven, which said--"Let +there be no reflux of panic--let there be no more fear, and no more sudden +death! Cover them with joy as the tides cover the shore!" _That_ heard the +children of the choir, _that_ heard the children of the grave. All the +hosts of jubilation made ready to move. Like armies that ride in pursuit, +they moved with one step. Us, that, with laurelled heads, were passing from +the cathedral through its eastern gates, they overtook, and, as with a +garment, they wrapped us round with thunders that overpowered our own. +As brothers we moved together; to the skies we rose--to the dawn that +advanced--to the stars that fled; rendering thanks to God in the +highest--that, having hid his face through one generation behind thick +clouds of War, once again was ascending--was ascending from Waterloo--in +the visions of Peace; rendering thanks for thee, young girl! whom having +overshadowed with his ineffable passion of death--suddenly did God relent; +suffered thy angel to turn aside his arm; and even in thee, sister unknown! +shown to me for a moment only to be hidden for ever, found an occasion to +glorify his goodness. A thousand times, amongst the phantoms of sleep, has +he shown thee to me, standing before the golden dawn, and ready to enter +its gates--with the dreadful word going before thee--with the armies of the +grave behind thee; shown thee to me, sinking, rising, fluttering, fainting, +but then suddenly reconciled, adoring: a thousand times has he followed +thee in the worlds of sleep--through storms; through desert seas; through +the darkness of quicksands; through fugues and the persecution of fugues; +through dreams, and the dreadful resurrections that are in dreams--only +that at the last, with one motion of his victorious arm, he might record +and emblazon the endless resurrections of his love! + + + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED. + + +Great misconceptions have always prevailed about the Roman _dinner_. +Dinner [_coena_] was the only meal which the Romans as a nation took. It +was no accident, but arose out of their whole social economy. This we shall +show by running through the history of a Roman day. _Ridentem dicere, verum +quid vetat_? And the course of this review will expose one or two important +truths in ancient political economy, which have been wholly overlooked. + +With the lark it was that the Roman rose. Not that the earliest lark rises +so early in Latium as the earliest lark in England; that is, during summer: +but then, on the other hand, neither does it ever rise so late. The Roman +citizen was stirring with the dawn--which, allowing for the shorter +longest-day and longer shortest-day of Rome, you may call about four in +summer--about seven in winter. Why did he do this? Because he went to bed +at a very early hour. But why did he do that? By backing in this way, we +shall surely back into the very well of truth: always, if it is possible, +let us have the _pourquoi_ of the _pourquoi_. The Roman went to bed early +for two special reasons. 1st, Because in Rome, which had been built for a +martial destiny, every habit of life had reference to the usages of war. +Every citizen, if he were not a mere proletarian animal kept at the public +cost, held himself a sort of soldier-elect: the more noble he was, the +more was his liability to military service: in short, all Rome, and at all +times, was consciously "in procinct."[1] Now it was a principle of ancient +warfare, that every hour of daylight had a triple worth, if valued +against hours of darkness. That was one reason--a reason suggested by the +understanding. But there was a second reason, far more remarkable; and this +was a reason dictated by a blind necessity. It is an important fact, that +this planet on which we live, this little industrious earth of ours, has +developed her wealth by slow stages of increase. She was far from being the +rich little globe in Cæsar's days that she is at present. The earth in our +days is incalculably richer, as a whole, than in the time of Charlemagne: +at that time she was richer, by many a million of acres, than in the era +of Augustus. In that Augustan era we descry a clear belt of cultivation, +averaging about six hundred miles in depth, running in a ring-fence about +the Mediterranean. This belt, _and no more_, was in decent cultivation. +Beyond that belt, there was only a wild Indian cultivation. At present +what a difference! We have that very belt, but much richer, all things +considered _æquatis æquandis_, than in the Roman era. The reader must not +look to single cases, as that of Egypt or other parts of Africa, but take +the whole collectively. On that scheme of valuation, we have the old Roman +belt, the Mediterranean riband not much tarnished, and we have all the +rest of Europe to boot--or, speaking in scholar's language, as a _lucro +ponamus_. We say nothing of remoter gains. Such being the case, our mother, +the earth, being (as a whole) so incomparably poorer, could not in the +Pagan era support the expense of maintaining great empires in cold +latitudes. Her purse would not reach that cost. Wherever she undertook in +those early ages to rear man in great abundance, it must be where nature +would consent to work in partnership with herself; where _warmth_ was to +be had for nothing; where _clothes_ were not so entirely indispensable but +that a ragged fellow might still keep himself warm; where slight _shelter_ +might serve; and where the _soil_, if not absolutely richer in reversionary +wealth, was more easily cultured. Nature must come forward liberally, and +take a number of shares in every new joint-stock concern before it could +move. Man, therefore, went to bed early in those ages, simply because his +worthy mother earth could not afford him candles. She, good old lady, (or +good young lady, for geologists know not[2] whether she is in that stage +of her progress which corresponds to gray hairs, or to infancy, or to "a +_certain_ age,")--she, good lady, would certainly have shuddered to hear +any of her nations asking for candles. "Candles!" She would have said, "Who +ever heard of such a thing? and with so much excellent daylight running to +waste, as I have provided _gratis_! What will the wretches want next?" + +The daylight, furnished _gratis_, was certainly "neat," and "undeniable" +in its quality, and quite sufficient for all purposes that were honest. +Seneca, even in his own luxurious period, called those men "_lucifugæ_," +and by other ugly names, who lived chiefly by candle-light. None but rich +and luxurious men, nay, even amongst these, none but idlers _did_ live much +by candle-light. An immense majority of men in Rome never lighted a candle, +unless sometimes in the early dawn. And this custom of Rome was the custom +also of all nations that lived round the great pond of the Mediterranean. +In Athens, Egypt, Palestine, Asia Minor, everywhere, the ancients went to +bed, like good boys, from seven to nine o'clock.[3] The Turks and other +people, who have succeeded to the stations and the habits of the ancients, +do so at this day. + +The Roman, therefore, who saw no joke in sitting round a table in the dark, +went off to bed as the darkness began. Everybody did so. Old Numa Pompilius +himself, was obliged to trundle off in the dusk. Tarquinius might be a very +superb fellow; but we doubt whether he ever saw a farthing rushlight. And, +though it may be thought that plots and conspiracies would flourish in +such a city of darkness, it is to be considered, that the conspirators +themselves had no more candles than honest men: both parties were in the +dark. + +Being up then, and stirring not long after the lark, what mischief did the +Roman go about first? Now-a-days, he would have taken a pipe or a cigar. +But, alas for the ignorance of the poor heathen creatures! they had neither +one nor the other. In this point, we must tax our mother earth with +being really _too_ stingy. In the case of the candles, we approve of her +parsimony. Much mischief is brewed by candle-light. But, it was coming it +too strong to allow no tobacco. Many a wild fellow in Rome, your Gracchi, +Syllas, Catilines, would not have played "h---- and Tommy" in the way they +did, if they could have soothed their angry stomachs with a cigar--a pipe +has intercepted many an evil scheme. But the thing is past helping now. At +Rome, you must do as "they does" at Rome. So, after shaving, (supposing the +age of the _Barbati_ to be passed), what is the first business that our +Roman will undertake? Forty to one he is a poor man, born to look upwards +to his fellow-men--and not to look down upon anybody but slaves. He goes, +therefore, to the palace of some grandee, some top-sawyer of the Senatorian +order. This great man, for all his greatness, has turned out even sooner +than himself. For he also has had no candles and no cigars; and he well +knows, that before the sun looks into his portals, all his halls will be +overflowing and buzzing with the matin susurrus of courtiers--the "mane +salutantes."[4] it is as much as his popularity is worth to absent himself, +or to keep people waiting. But surely, the reader may think, this poor man +he might keep waiting. No, he might not; for, though poor, being a citizen, +he is a gentleman. That was the consequence of keeping slaves. Wherever +there is a class of slaves, he that enjoys the _jus suffragii_ (no +matter how poor) is a gentleman. The true Latin word for a gentleman is +_ingentius_--a freeman and the son of a freeman. + +Yet even here there _were_ distinctions. Under the Emperors, the courtiers +were divided into two classes: with respect to the superior class, it was +said of the sovereign--that he _saw_ them, (_videbat_;) with respect to the +other--that he _was seen_, ("_videbatur_.") Even Plutarch mentions it as +a common boast in his times, [Greek: aemas eiden ho basileus]--_Cæsar is +in the habit of seeing me_; or, as a common plea for evading a suit, +[Greek: ora mallon]--_I am sorry to say he is more inclined to look upon +others_. And this usage derived itself (mark that well!) from the +_republican_ era. The aulic spirit was propagated by the Empire, but from +a republican root. + +Having paid his court, you will suppose that our friend comes home to +breakfast. Not at all: no such discovery as "breakfast" had then been made: +breakfast was not invented for many centuries after that. We have always +admired, and always shall admire, as the very best of all human stories, +Charles Lamb's account of the origin of _roast pig_ in China. Ching Ping, +it seems, had suffered his father's house to be burned down; the outhouses +were burned along with the house; and in one of these the pigs, by +accident, were roasted to a turn. Memorable were the results for all future +China and future civilization. Ping, who (like all China beside) had +hitherto eaten his pig raw, now for the first time tasted it in a state +of torrefaction. Of course he made his peace with his father by a part +(tradition says a leg) of the new dish. The father was so astounded with +the discovery, that he burned his house down once a year for the sake of +coming at an annual banquet of roast pig. A curious prying sort of fellow, +one Chang Pang, got to know of this. He also burned down a house with a +pig in it, and had his eyes opened. The secret was ill kept--the discovery +spread--many great conversions were made--houses were blazing in every part +of the Celestial Empire. The insurance offices took the matter up. +One Chong Pong, detected in the very act of shutting up a pig in his +drawing-room, and then firing a train, was indicted on a charge of arson. +The chief justice of Pekin, on that occasion, requested an officer of the +court to hand him a piece of the roast pig, the _corpus delicti_, for pure +curiosity led him to taste; but within two days after it was observed that +his lordship's town-house was burned down. In short, all China apostatized +to the new faith; and it was not until some centuries had passed, that a +great genius arose, who established the second era in the history of roast +pig, by showing that it could be had without burning down a house. + +No such genius had yet arisen in Rome. Breakfast was not suspected. No +prophecy, no type of breakfast had been published. In fact, it took as much +time and research to arrive at that great discovery as at the Copernican +system. True it is, reader, that you have heard of such a word as +_jentaculum_; and your dictionary translates that old heathen word by +the Christian word _breakfast_. But dictionaries, one and all, are dull +deceivers. Between _jentaculum_ and _breakfast_ the differences are as wide +as between a horse-chestnut and chestnut horse; differences in the _time +when_, in the _place where_, in the _manner how_, but preeminently in the +_thing which_. + +Galen is a good authority upon such a subject, since, if (like other +pagans) he ate no breakfast himself, in some sense he may be called the +cause of breakfast to other men, by treating of those things which could +safely be taken upon an empty stomach. As to the time, he (like many other +authors) says, [peri tritaen, ae (to makroteron) peri tetartaen,] +about the third, or at farthest about the fourth hour: and so exact is he, +that he assumes the day to lie exactly between six and six o'clock, and to +be divided into thirteen equal portions. So the time will be a few minutes +before nine, or a few minutes before ten, in the forenoon. That seems fair +enough. But it is not time in respect to its location that we are so +much concerned with, as time in respect to its duration. Now, heaps of +authorities take it for granted, that you are not to sit down--you are to +stand; and, as to the place, that any place will do--"any corner of the +forum," says Galen, "any corner that you fancy;" which is like referring a +man for his _salle à manger_ to Westminster Hall or Fleet Street. Augustus, +in a letter still surviving, tells us that he _jentabat_, or took his +_jentaculum_ in his carriage; now in a wheel carriage, (_in essedo_,) now +in a litter or palanquin (_in lecticâ_.) This careless and disorderly +way as to time and place, and other circumstances of haste, sufficiently +indicate the quality of the meal you are to expect. Already you are +"sagacious of your quarry from so far." Not that we would presume, +excellent reader, to liken you to Death, or to insinuate that you are +"a grim feature." But would it not make a saint "grim," to hear of such +preparations for the morning meal? And then to hear of such consummations +as _panis siccus_, dry bread; or, (if the learned reader thinks it will +taste better in Greek,) [Greek: artos xaeros!] And what may this word +_dry_ happen to mean? "Does it mean stale bread?" says Salmasius. "Shall +we suppose," says he, in querulous words, "_molli et recenti opponi_," and +from that antithesis conclude it to be, "_durum et non recens coctum, eoque +sicciorem_?" Hard and stale, and for that reason the more arid! Not quite +so bad as that, we hope. Or again--"_siccum pro biscocto, ut hodie vocamus, +sumemus_?"[5] By _hodie_ Salmasius means, amongst his countrymen of France, +where _biscoctus_ is verbatim reproduced in the word _bis_ (twice) _cuit_, +(baked;) whence our own _biscuit_. Biscuit might do very well, could we be +sure that it was cabin biscuit: but Salmasius argues--that in this case he +takes it to mean "_buccellatum, qui est panis nauticus_;" that is, the ship +company's biscuit, broken with a sledge-hammer. In Greek, for the benefit +again of the learned reader, it is termed [Greek: dipuros], indicating +that it has passed twice under the action of fire. + +"Well," you say, "No matter if it had passed fifty times--and through the +fires of Moloch; only let us have this biscuit, such as it is." In good +faith, then, fasting reader, you are not likely to see much more than you +_have_ seen. It is a very Barmecide feast, we do assure you--this same +"jentaculum;" at which abstinence and patience are much more exercised than +the teeth: faith and hope are the chief graces cultivated, together with +that species of the _magnificum_ which is founded on the _ignotum_. Even +this biscuit was allowed in the most limited quantities; for which reason +it is that the Greeks called this apology for a a meal by the name +of [Greek: bouchismos], a word formed (as many words were in the +Post-Augustan ages) from a Latin word--viz., _buccea_, a mouthful; not +literally such, but so much as a polished man could allow himself to put +into his mouth at once. "We took a mouthful," says Sir William Waller, the +Parliamentary general, "took a mouthful; paid our reckoning; mounted; +and were off." But there Sir William means, by his plausible "mouthful," +something very much beyond either nine or nineteen ordinary quantities of +that denomination, whereas the Roman "jentaculum" was literally such; and, +accordingly, one of the varieties under which the ancient vocabularies +express this model of evanescent quantities is _gustatio_, a mere tasting; +and again it is called by another variety, _gustus_, a mere taste: [whence +by the usual suppression of the _s_, comes the French word for a collation +or luncheon, viz. _gouter_] Speaking of his uncle, Pliny the Younger +says--"Post solem plerumque lavabatur; deinde gustabat; dormiebat minimum; +mox, quasi alio die, studebat in coenæ tempus". "After taking the air he +bathed; after that he broke his fast on a bit of biscuit, and took a +very slight _siesta_: which done, as if awaking to a new day, he set in +regularly to his studies, and pursued them to dinner-time." _Gustabat_ +here meant that nondescript meal which arose at Rome when _jentaculum_ and +_prandium_ were fused into one, and that only a _taste_ or mouthful of +biscuit, as we shall show farther on. + +Possibly, however, most excellent reader, like some epicurean traveller, +who, in crossing the Alps, finds himself weather-bound at St. Bernard's +on Ash-Wednesday, you surmise a remedy: you descry some opening from "the +loopholes of retreat," through which a few delicacies might be insinuated +to spread verdure on this arid desert of biscuit. Casuistry can do much. A +dead hand at casuistry has often proved more than a match for Lent with all +his quarantines. But sorry we are to say that, in this case, no relief is +hinted at in any ancient author. A grape or two, (not a bunch of grapes,) +a raisin or two, a date, an olive--these are the whole amount of relief[6] +which the chancery of the Roman kitchen granted in such cases. All things +here hang together, and prove each other; the time, the place, the mode, +the thing. Well might man eat standing, or eat in public, such a trifle +as this. Go home to such a breakfast as this! You would as soon think of +ordering a cloth to be laid in order to eat a peach, or of asking a friend +to join you in an orange. No man makes "two bites of a cherry." So let +us pass on to the other stages of the day. Only in taking leave of this +morning stage, throw your eyes back with us, Christian reader, upon this +truly heathen meal, fit for idolatrous dogs like your Greeks and your +Romans; survey, through the vista of ages, that thrice-cursed biscuit, with +half a fig, perhaps, by way of garnish, and a huge hammer by its side, to +secure the certainty of mastication, by previous comminution. Then turn +your eyes to a Christian breakfast--hot rolls, eggs, coffee, beef; but +down, down, rebellious visions: we need say no more! You, reader, like +ourselves, will breathe a malediction on the classical era, and thank your +stars for making you a Romanticist. Every morning we thank ours for keeping +us back, and reserving us to an age in which breakfast had been already +invented. In the words of Ovid we say:-- + +"Prisca juvent alios: ego me nunc denique natum Gratulor. Hæc ætas moribus +apta meis." + +Our friend, the Roman cit, has therefore thus far, in his progress through +life, obtained no breakfast, if he ever contemplated an idea so frantic. +But it occurs to you, our faithful reader, that perhaps he will not always +be thus unhappy. We could bring waggon-loads of sentiments, Greek as well +as Roman, which prove, more clearly than the most eminent pikestaff, that, +as the wheel of fortune revolves, simply out of the fact that it has +carried a man downwards, it must subsequently carry him upwards, no matter +what dislike that wheel, or any of its spokes, may bear to that man: "non, +si male nunc sit, et olim sic erit:" and that if a man, through the madness +of his nation, misses coffee and hot rolls at nine, he may easily run into +a leg of mutton at twelve. True it is he may do so: truth is commendable; +and we will not deny that a man may sometimes, by losing a breakfast, gain +a dinner. Such things have been in various ages, and will be again, but not +at Rome. There are reasons against it. We have heard of men who consider +life under the idea of a wilderness--dry as "a remainder biscuit after a +voyage:" and who consider a day under the idea of a little life. Life +is the macrocosm, or world at large; day is the microcosm, or world in +miniature. Consequently, if life is a wilderness, then day, as a little +life, is a little wilderness. And this wilderness can be safely traversed +only by having relays of fountains, or stages for refreshment. Such +stages, they conceive, are found in the several meals which Providence has +stationed at due intervals through the day, whenever the perverseness of +man does not break the chain, or derange the order of succession. + +These are the anchors by which man rides in that billowy ocean between +morning and night. The first anchor, viz., breakfast, having given way in +Rome, the more need there is that he should pull up by the second; and +that is often reputed to be dinner. And as your dictionary, good reader, +translated _breakfast_ by that vain word _jentaculum_, so, doubtless, it +will translate _dinner_ by that still vainer word _prandium_. Sincerely we +hope that your own dinner on this day, and through all time coming, may +have a better root in fact and substance than this most visionary of all +baseless things--the Roman _prandium_, of which we shall presently show you +that the most approved translation is _moonshine_. + +Reader, we are not jesting here. In the very spirit of serious truth, we +assure you, that the delusion about "jentaculum" is even exceeded by this +other delusion about "prandium." Salmasius himself, for whom a natural +prejudice of place and time partially obscured the truth, admits, however, +that _prandium_ was a meal which the ancients rarely took; his very words +are--"_raro prandebant veteres_." Now, judge for yourself of the good sense +which is shown in translating by the word _dinner_, which must of necessity +mean the chief meal--a Roman word which represents a fancy meal, a meal of +caprice, a meal which few people took. At this moment, what is the single +point of agreement between the noon meal of the English laborer and the +evening meal of the English gentleman? What is the single circumstance +common to both, which causes us to denominate them by the common name of +_dinner_? It is that in both we recognize the _principal_ meal of the +day, the meal upon which is thrown the _onus_ of the day's support. In +everything else they are as wide asunder as the poles; but they agree in +this one point of their function. Is it credible that, to represent such a +meal amongst ourselves, we select a Roman word so notoriously expressing a +mere shadow, a pure apology, that very few people ever tasted it--nobody +sate down to it--not many washed their hands after it, and gradually the +very name of it became interchangeable with another name, implying the +slightest possible act of trying or sipping? "_Post larationem sine mensâ +prandium_," says Seneca, "_post quod non sunt lavandæ manus_;" that is, +"after bathing, I take a _prandium_ without sitting down to table, and such +a _prandium_ as brings after itself no need of washing the hands." No; +moonshine as little soils the hands as it oppresses the stomach. + +Reader! we, as well as Pliny, had an uncle, an East Indian uncle; doubtless +you have such an uncle; everybody has an Indian uncle. Generally such a +person is "rather yellow, rather yellow," [to quote Canning _versus_ Lord +Durham:] that is the chief fault with his physics; but, as to his morals, +he is universally a man of princely aspirations and habits. He is not +always so orientally rich as he is reputed; but he is always orientally +munificent. Call upon him at any hour from two to five, he insists on your +taking _tiffin_: and such a tiffin! The English corresponding term is +luncheon: but how meagre a shadow is the European meal to its glowing +Asiatic cousin! Still, gloriously as tiffin shines, does anybody imagine +that it is a vicarious dinner, or ever meant to be the substitute of +dinner? Wait till eight, and you will have your eyes opened on that +subject. So of the Roman _prandium_: had it been as luxurious as it was +simple, still it was always viewed as something meant only to stay the +stomach, as a prologue to something beyond. The _prandium_ was far enough +from giving the feeblest idea of the English luncheon; yet it stood in the +same relation to the Roman day. Now to English_men_ that meal scarcely +exists; and were it not for women, whose delicacy of organization does +not allow them to fast so long as men, would probably be abolished. It is +singular in this, as in other points, how nearly England and ancient Rome +approximate. We all know how hard it is to tempt a man generally into +spoiling his appetite, by eating before dinner. The same dislike of +violating what they called the integrity of the appetite, [_integram +famem_,] existed at Rome. Every man who knows anything of Latin critically, +sees the connection of the word _integer_ with _in_ and _tetigi_: _integer_ +means what is _intact_, unviolated by touch. Cicero, when protesting +against spoiling his appetite for dinner, by tasting anything beforehand, +says, _integram famem ad coenam afferam_; I shall bring to dinner an +appetite untampered with. Nay, so much stress did the Romans lay on +maintaining this primitive state of the appetite undisturbed, that any +prelusions with either _jentaculum_ or _prandium_ were said, by a very +strong phrase indeed, _polluere famem_, to pollute the sanctity of the +appetite. The appetite was regarded as a holy vestal flame, soaring upwards +towards dinner throughout the day: if undebauched, it tended to its natural +consummation in _coena_: expired like a phoenix, to rise again out of its +own ashes. On this theory, to which language had accommodated itself, the +two prelusive meals of nine o'clock, A.M., and of one, P.M., so far from +being ratified by the public sense, and adopted into the economy of the +day, were regarded gloomily as gross irregularities, enormities, debauchers +of the natural instinct; and, in so far as they thwarted that instinct, +lessened it, or depraved it, were universally held to be full of pollution; +and, finally, to _profane_ a motion of nature. Such was the language. + +But we guess what is passing in the reader's mind. He thinks that all this +proves the _prandium_ to have been a meal of little account; and in very +many cases absolutely unknown. But still he thinks all this might happen to +the English dinner--_that_ might be neglected; supper might be generally +preferred; and, nevertheless, dinner would be as truly entitled to the name +of dinner as before. Many a student neglects his dinner; enthusiasm in any +pursuit must often have extinguished appetite for all of us. Many a time +and oft did this happen to Sir Isaac Newton. Evidence is on record, that +such a deponent at eight o'clock, A.M., found Sir Isaac with one stocking +on, one off; at two, said deponent called him to dinner. Being interrogated +whether Sir Isaac had pulled on the _minus_ stocking, or gartered the +_plus_ stocking, witness replied that he had not. Being asked if Sir Isaac +came to dinner, replied that he did not. Being again asked, "At sunset, did +you look in on Sir Isaac?" Witness replied, "I did." "And now, upon your +conscience, sir, by the virtue of your oath, in what state were the +stockings?" _Ans. "In statu quo ante bellum_." It seems Sir Isaac had +fought through that whole battle of a long day, so trying a campaign to +many people--be had traversed that whole sandy Zaarah, without calling, or +needing to call at one of those fountains, stages, or _mansiones_,[7] by +which (according to our former explanation) Providence has relieved the +continuity of arid soil, which else disfigures that long dreary level. This +happens to all; but was dinner not dinner, and did supper become dinner, +because Sir Isaac Newton ate nothing at the first, and threw the whole +day's support upon the last? No, you will say, a rule is not defeated by +one casual deviation, nor by one person's constant deviation. Everybody +else was still dining at two, though Sir Isaac might not; and Sir Isaac +himself on most days no more deferred his dinner beyond two, than he sate +with one stocking off. But what if everybody, Sir Isaac included, had +deferred his substantial meal until night, and taken a slight refection +only at two? The question put does really represent the very case which has +happened with us in England. In 1700, a large part of London took a meal +at two, P.M., and another at seven or eight, P.M. In 1839, a large part +of London is still doing the very same thing, taking one meal at two, and +another at seven or eight. But the names are entirely changed: the two +o'clock meal used to be called _dinner_, and is now called _luncheon_; the +eight o'clock meal used to be called _supper_, and is now called _dinner_. + +Now the question is easily solved: because, upon reviewing the idea of +dinner, we soon perceive that time has little or no connection with it: +since, both in England and France, dinner has travelled, like the hand of a +clock, through _every_ hour between ten, A.M. and ten, P.M. We have a list, +well attested, of every successive hour between these limits having been +the known established hour for the royal dinner-table within the last three +hundred and fifty years. Time, therefore, vanishes from the equation: it is +a quantity as regularly exterminated as in any algebraic problem. The true +elements of the idea, are evidently these:--1. That dinner is that meal, no +matter when taken, which is the principal meal; _i.e._ the meal on which +the day's support is thrown. 2. That it is the meal of hospitality. 3. That +it is the meal (with reference to both Nos 1 and 2) in which animal food +predominates. 4. That it is that meal which, upon necessity arising for the +abolition of all _but_ one, would naturally offer itself as that one. Apply +these four tests to _prandium_:--How could that meal answer to the first +test, as _the day's support_, which few people touched? How could that meal +answer to the second test, as the _meal of hospitality_, at which nobody +sate down? How could that meal answer to the third test, as the meal of +animal food, which consisted exclusively and notoriously of bread? Or to +the fourth test, of the meal _entitled to survive the abolition of the +rest_, which was itself abolished at all times in practice? + +Tried, therefore, by every test, _prandium_ vanishes. But we have something +further to communicate about this same _prandium_. + +I. It came to pass, by a very natural association of feeling, that +_prandium_ and _jentuculum_, in the latter centuries of Rome, were +generally confounded. This result was inevitable. Both professed the +same basis Both came in the morning. Both were fictions. Hence they were +confounded. + +That fact speaks for itself,--breakfast and luncheon never could have been +confounded; but who would be at the pains of distinguishing two shadows? In +a gambling-house of that class, where you are at liberty to sit down to a +splendid banquet, anxiety probably prevents your sitting down at all; but, +if you do, the same cause prevents your noticing what you eat. So of the +two _pseudo_ meals of Rome, they came in the very midst of the Roman +business; viz. from nine, A.M. to two, P.M. Nobody could give his mind +to them, had they been of better quality. There lay one cause of their +vagueness, viz.--in their position. Another cause was, the common basis of +both. Bread was so notoriously the predominating "feature" in each of these +prelusive banquets, that all foreigners at Rome, who communicated with +Romans through the Greek language, knew both the one and the other by the +name of [Greek: artositos], or the _bread repast_. Originally this name +had been restricted to the earlier meal. But a distinction without a +difference could not sustain itself: and both alike disguised their +emptiness under this pompous quadrisyllable. In the identity of substance, +therefore, lay a second ground of confusion. And, then, thirdly, even as +to the time, which had ever been the sole real distinction, there arose +from accident a tendency to converge. For it happened that while some had +_jentaculum_ but no _prandium_, others had _prandium_ but no _jentaculum_; +a third party had both; a fourth party, by much the largest, had neither. +Out of which varieties (who would think that a nonentity could cut up +into so many somethings?) arose a fifth party of compromisers, who, +because they could not afford a regular _coena_, and yet were +hospitably disposed, fused the two ideas into one; and so, because the +usual time for the idea of a breakfast was nine to ten, and for the idea +of a luncheon twelve to one, compromised the rival pretensions by what +diplomatists call a _mezzo termine_; bisecting the time at eleven, and +melting the two ideas into one. But by thus merging the separate times +of each, they abolished the sole real difference that had ever divided +them. Losing that, they lost all. + +Perhaps, as two negatives make one affirmative, it may be thought that two +layers of moonshine might coalesce into one pancake; and two Barmecide +banquets might compose one poached egg. Of that the company were the best +judges. But probably, as a rump and dozen, in our land of wagers, is +construed with a very liberal latitude as to the materials, so Martial's +invitation, "to take bread with him at eleven," might be understood by the +[Greek: sunetoi] as significant of something better than +[Greek: artositos]. Otherwise, in good truth, "moonshine and turn-out" +at eleven, A.M., would be even worse than "tea and turn-out" at eight, +P.M., which the "fervida juventus" of young England so loudly detests. But +however that might be, in this convergement of the several frontiers, and +the confusion that ensued, one cannot wonder that, whilst the two bladders +collapsed into one idea, they actually expanded into four names, two Latin +and two Greek, _gustus_ and _gustatio_, [Greek: geusis], and +[Greek: geusma], which all alike express the merely tentative or +exploratory act of a _prægustator_ or professional "taster" in a +king's household: what, if applied to a fluid, we should denominate +sipping. + +At last, by so many steps all in one direction, things had come to such +a pass--the two prelusive meals of the Roman morning, each for itself +separately vague from the beginning, had so communicated and interfused +their several and joint vaguenesses, that at last no man knew or cared to +know what any other man included in his idea of either; how much or how +little. And you might as well have hunted in the woods of Ethiopia for +Prester John, or fixed the parish of the everlasting Jew,[8] as have +attempted to say what "jentaculum" might be, or what "prandium." Only one +thing was clear--what they were _not_. Neither was or wished to be anything +that people cared for. They were both empty shadows; but shadows as they +were, we find from Cicero that they had a power of polluting and profaning +better things than themselves. + +We presume that no rational man will henceforth look for "dinner"--that +great idea according to Dr. Johnson--that sacred idea according to +Cicero--in a bag of moonshine on one side, or a bag of pollution on +the other. _Prandium_, so far from being what our foolish dictionaries +pretend--dinner itself--never in its palmiest days was more or other than +a miserable attempt at being _luncheon_. It was a _conatus_, what +physiologists call a _nisus_, a struggle in a very ambitious spark, +or _scintilla_, to kindle into a fire. This _nisus_ went on for some +centuries; but finally issued in smoke. If _prandium_ had worked out his +ambition, had "the great stream of tendency" accomplished all his wishes, +_prandium_ never could have been more than a very indifferent luncheon. But +now, + +II. We have to offer another fact, ruinous to our dictionaries on another +ground. Various circumstances have disguised the truth, but a truth it is, +that "prandium", in its very origin and _incunabula_, never was a meal +known to the Roman _culina_. In that court it was never recognized except +as an alien. It had no original domicile in the city of Rome. It was a _vot +casfren-sis_, a word and an idea purely martial, and pointing to martial +necessities. Amongst the new ideas proclaimed to the recruit, this was +one--"Look for no '_coenu_', no regular dinner, with us. Resign these +unwarlike notions. It is true that even war has its respites; in these +it would be possible to have our Roman _coena_ with all its equipage of +ministrations. Such luxury untunes the mind for doing and suffering. Let us +voluntarily renounce it; that when a necessity of renouncing it arrives, we +may not feel it among the hardships of war. From the day when you enter the +gates of the camp, reconcile yourself, tyro, to a new fashion of meal, to +what in camp dialect we call _prandium_." This "prandium," this essentially +military meal, was taken standing, by way of symbolizing the necessity of +being always ready for the enemy. Hence the posture in which it was taken +at Rome, the very counter-pole to the luxurious posture of dinner. A writer +of the third century, a period from which the Romans naturally looked back +upon everything connected with their own early habits, and with the same +kind of interest as we extend to our Alfred, (separated from us as Romulus +from them by just a thousand years,) in speaking of _prandium_, says, "Quod +dictum est _parandium_, ab eo quod milites ad bellum _paret_." Isidorus +again says, "Proprie apud veteres prandium vocatum fuisse oinnem militum +cibum ante pugnam;" i.e. "that, properly speaking, amongst our ancestors +every military meal taken before battle was termed _prandium_." According +to Isidore, the proposition is reciprocating, viz., that, as every +_prandium_ was a military meal, so every military meal was called +_prandium_. But, in fact, the reason of that is apparent. Whether in the +camp or the city, the early Romans had probably but one meal in a day. That +is true of many a man amongst ourselves by choice; it is true also, to our +knowledge, of some horse regiments in our service, and may be of all. This +meal was called _coena_, or dinner in the city--_prandium_ in camps. In the +city it would always be tending to one fixed hour. In the camp innumerable +accidents of war would make it very uncertain. On this account it would +be an established rule to celebrate the daily meal at noon, if nothing +hindered; not that a later hour would not have been preferred had the +choice been free; but it was better to have a certainty at a bad hour, than +by waiting for a better hour to make it an uncertainty. For it was a camp +proverb--_Pransus, paratus_; armed with his daily meal, the soldier +is ready for service. It was not, however, that all meals, as Isidore +imagined, were indiscriminately called _prandium_; but that the one sole +meal of the day, by accidents of war, might, and did, revolve through all +hours of the day. + +The first introduction of this military meal into Rome itself, would be +through the honorable pedantry of old centurions, &c., delighting (like the +_Trunnions_, &c., of our navy) to keep up in peaceful life some image or +memorial of their past experience, so wild, so full of peril, excitement, +and romance, as Roman warfare must have been in those ages. Many +non-military people for health's sake, many as an excuse for eating early, +many by way of interposing some refreshment between the stages of forensic +business, would adopt this hurried and informal meal. Many would wish to +see their sons adopting such a meal as a training for foreign service in +particular, and for temperance in general. It would also be maintained by a +solemn and very interesting commemoration of this camp repast in Rome. + +This commemoration, because it has been grossly misunderstood by Salmasius, +(whose error arose from not marking the true point of a particular +antithesis,) and still more, because it is a distinct confirmation of all +we have said as to the military nature of _prandium_, we shall detach from +the series of our illustrations, by placing it in a separate paragraph. + +On a set day the officers of the army were invited by Cæsar to a banquet; +it was a circumstance expressly noticed in the invitation, by the proper +officers of the palace, that the banquet was not a "coena," but a +"prandium." What followed, in consequence? Why, that all the guests sate +down in full military accoutrement; whereas, observes the historian, had it +been a coena, the officers would have unbelted their swords; for, he adds, +even in Cæsar's presence the officers lay aside their swords. The word +_prandium_, in short, converted the palace into the imperial tent; and +Cæsar was no longer a civil emperor and _princeps senatûs_, but became a +commander-in-chief amongst a council of his staff, all belted and plumed, +and in full military fig. + +On this principle we come to understand why it is, that, whenever the Latin +poets speak of an army as taking food, the word used is always _prandens_ +and _pransus_; and, when the word used is _prandens_, then always it is an +army that is concerned. Thus Juvenal in a well-known satire-- + + ----"Credimus altos + Desiccasse amnes, epotaque ftumina, Medo _Prandente_." + +Not _coenante_, observe: you might as well talk of an army taking tea +and toast. Nor is that word ever applied to armies. It is true that the +converse is not so rigorously observed: nor ought it, from the explanations +already given. Though no soldier dined, (_coenabat_,) yet the citizen +sometimes adopted the camp usage and took a _prandium_. But generally the +poets use the word merely to mark the time of day. In that most humorous +appeal of Perseus--"Cur quis non prandeat, hoc est?" "Is this a sufficient +reason for losing one's _prandium_?" He was obliged to say _prandium_, +because no exhibitions ever could cause a man to lose his _coenia_, since +none were displayed at a time of day when anybody in Rome would have +attended. Just as, in alluding to a parliamentary speech notoriously +delivered at midnight, an English satirist must have said, Is this a speech +to furnish an argument for leaving one's bed?--not as what stood foremost +in his regard, but as the only thing that _could_ be lost at the time of +night. + +On this principle, also, viz. by going back to the military origin of +_prandium_, we gain the interpretation of all the peculiarities attached to +it; viz.--1, its early hour--2, its being taken in a standing posture--3, +in the open air--4, the humble quality of its materials--bread and biscuit, +(the main articles of military fare.) In all these circumstances of the +meal, we read, most legibly written, the exotic and military character of +the meal. + +Thus we have brought down our Roman friend to noonday, or even one hour +later than noon, and to this moment the poor man has had nothing to eat. +For, supposing him to be not _impransus_, and supposing him _jentâsse_ +beside; yet it is evident, (we hope,) that neither one nor the other means +more than what it was often called, viz. [Greek: Bouchismos], or, in +plain English, a mouthful. How long do we intend to keep him waiting? +Reader, he will dine at three, or (supposing dinner put off to the latest) +at four. Dinner was never known to be later than the tenth hour in Rome, +which in summer would be past five; but for a far greater proportion of +days would be near four in Rome, except for one or two of the emperors, +whom the mere business attached to their unhappy station kept sometimes +dinnerless till six. And so entirely was a Roman the creature of ceremony, +that a national mourning would probably have been celebrated, and the "sad +augurs" would have been called in to expiate the prodigy, had the general +dinner lingered beyond four. + +But, meantime, what has our friend been about since perhaps six or seven in +the morning? After paying his little homage to his _patronus_, in what +way has he fought with the great enemy Time since then? Why, reader, this +illustrates one of the most interesting features in the Roman character. +The Roman was the idlest of men. "Man and boy," he was "an idler in the +land." He called himself and his pals "rerum dominos, gentemque togatam;" +_the gentry that wore the toga_. Yes, and a pretty affair that "toga" was. +Just figure to yourself, reader, the picture of a hardworking man, with +horny hands like our hedgers, ditchers, weavers, porters, &c., setting to +work on the highroad in that vast sweeping toga, filling with a strong +gale like the mainsail of a frigate. Conceive the roars with which this +magnificent figure would be received into the bosom of a poor-house +detachment sent out to attack the stones on some new line of road, or a +fatigue party of dustmen sent upon secret service. Had there been nothing +left as a memorial of the Romans but that one relic--their immeasurable +toga,[9]--we should have known that they were born and bred to idleness. In +fact, except in war, the Roman never did anything at all but sun himself. +_Ut se apricaret_ was the final cause of peace in his opinion; in literal +truth, that he might make an _apricot_ of himself. The public rations at +all times supported the poorest inhabitant of Rome if he were a citizen. +Hence it was that Hadrian was so astonished with the spectacle of +Alexandria, "_civitas opulenta, fæcunda, in qua nemo vivat otiosus_." Here +first he saw the spectacle of a vast city, second only to Rome, where every +man had something to do; "_podagrosi quod agant habent; habent cæci quod +faciant; ne chiragrici_" (those with gout in the fingers) "_apud eos otiosi +vivunt_." No poor rates levied upon the rest of the world for the benefit +of their own paupers were there distributed _gratis_. The prodigious +spectacle (so it seemed to Hadrian) was exhibited in Alexandria, of all men +earning their bread in the sweat of their brow. In Rome only, (and at one +time in some of the Grecian states,) it was the very meaning of _citizen_ +that he could vote and be idle. + +In these circumstances, where the whole sum of life's duties amounted +to voting, all the business a man _could_ have was to attend the public +assemblies, electioneering, or factious. These, and any judicial trial +(public or private) that might happen to interest him for the persons +concerned, or for the questions, amused him through the morning; that +is, from eight till one. He might also extract some diversion from +the _columnæ_, or pillars of certain porticoes to which they pasted +advertisements. These _affiches_ must have been numerous; for all the girls +in Rome who lost a trinket, or a pet bird, or a lap-dog, took this mode of +angling in the great ocean of the public for the missing articles. + +But all this time we take for granted that there were no shows in a course +of exhibition, either the dreadful ones of the amphitheatre, or the +bloodless ones of the circus. If there were, then that became the business +of all Romans; and it was a business which would have occupied him from +daylight until the light began to fail. Here we see another effect from the +scarcity of artificial light amongst the ancients. These magnificent shows +went on by daylight. But how incomparably greater would have been the +splendor by lamp-light! What a gigantic conception! Eighty thousand human +faces all revealed under one blaze of lamp-light! Lord Bacon saw the mighty +advantage of candle-light for the pomps and glories of this world. But the +poverty of the earth was the ultimate cause that the Pagan shows proceeded +by day. Not that the masters of the world, who rained Arabian odors and +perfumed waters of the most costly description from a thousand fountains, +simply to cool the summer heats, would have regarded the expense of light; +cedar and other odorous woods burning upon vast altars, together with every +variety of fragrant torch, would have created light enough to shed a new +day over the distant Adriatic. + +However, as there are no public spectacles, we will suppose, and the courts +or political meetings, (if not closed altogether by superstition,) would at +any rate be closed in the ordinary course by twelve or one o'clock, nothing +remains for him to do, before returning home, except perhaps to attend the +_palæstra_, or some public recitation of a poem written by a friend, but in +any case to attend the public baths. For these the time varied; and many +people have thought it tyrannical in some of the Cæsars that they imposed +restraints on the time open for the baths; some, for instance, would not +suffer them to open at all before two, and in any case, if you were later +than four or five in summer, you would have to pay a fine which most +effectually cleaned out the baths of all raff, since it was a sum that +_John Quires_ could not have produced to save his life. But it should be +considered that the emperor was the steward of the public resources for +maintaining the baths in fuel, oil, attendance, repairs. We are prepared +to show, on a fitting occasion, that every fourth person[10] amongst the +citizens bathed daily, and non-citizens, of course, paid an _extra_ sum. +Now the population of Rome was far larger than has ever been hinted at +except by Lipsius. But certain it is, that during the long peace of the +first Cæsars, and after the _annonaria prorisio_, (that great pledge of +popularity to a Roman prince,) had been increased by the corn tribute from +the Nile, the Roman population took an immense lurch ahead. The subsequent +increase of baths, whilst no old ones were neglected, proves _that_ +decisively. And as citizenship expanded by means of the easy terms on which +it could be had, so did the bathers multiply. The population of Rome in the +century after Augustus, was far greater than during that era; and this, +still acting as a vortex to the rest of the world, may have been one great +motive with Constantine for "transferring" the capital eastwards; in +reality, for breaking up one monster capital into two of more manageable +dimensions. Two o'clock was often the earliest hour at which the public +baths were opened. But in Martial's time a man could go without blushing +(_salvâ fronte_) at eleven, though even then two o'clock was the meridian +hour for the great uproar of splashing, and swimming, and "larking" in the +endless baths of endless Rome. + +And now, at last, bathing finished, and the exercises of the _palæstra_, at +half-past two, or three, our friend finds his way home--not again to leave +it for that day. He is now a new man; refreshed, oiled with perfumes, his +dust washed off by hot water, and ready for enjoyment. These were the +things that determined the time for dinner. Had there been no other proof +that _coena_ was the Roman dinner, this is an ample one. Now first the +Roman was fit for dinner, in a condition of luxurious ease; business +ever--that day's load of anxiety laid aside--his _cuticle_, as he delighted +to talk, cleansed and polished--nothing more to do or to think of until +the next morning, he might now go and dine, and get drunk with a safe +conscience. Besides, if he does not get dinner now, when will he get it? +For most demonstrably he has taken nothing yet which comes near in value +to that basin of soup which many of ourselves take at the Roman hour of +bathing. No; we have kept our man fasting as yet. It is to be hoped that +something is coming at last. + +It _does_ come,--dinner, the great meal of "coena;" the meal sacred to +hospitality and genial pleasure, comes now to fill up the rest of the day, +until light fails altogether. + +Many people are of opinion that the Romans only understood what the +capabilities of dinner were. It is certain that they were the first great +people that discovered the true secret and meaning of dinner, the great +office which it fulfils, and which we in England are now so generally +acting on. Barbarous nations,--and none were, in that respect, more +barbarous than our own ancestors,--made this capital blunder; the brutes, +if you asked them what was the use of dinner, what it was meant for, stared +at you and replied--as a horse would reply if you put the same question +about his provender--that it was to give him strength for finishing his +work! Therefore, if you point your telescope back to antiquity about twelve +or one o'clock in the daytime, you will descry our most worthy ancestors +all eating for their very lives, eating as dogs eat, viz. in bodily fear +that some other dog will come and take their dinner away. What swelling of +the veins in the temples! (see Boswell's natural history of Dr. Johnson at +dinner;) what intense and rapid deglutition! what odious clatter of knives +and plates! what silence of the human voice! what gravity! what fury in the +libidinous eyes with which they contemplate the dishes! Positively it was +an _indecent_ spectacle to see Dr. Johnson at dinner. But, above all, what +maniacal haste and hurry, as if the fiend were waiting with red-hot pincers +to lay hold of the hindermost! + +Oh, reader, do you recognize in this abominable picture your respected +ancestors and ours? Excuse us for saying--"What monsters!" We have a right +to call our own ancestors monsters; and, if so, we must have the same right +over yours. For Dr. Southey has shown plainly in the "Doctor," that every +man having four grand parents in the second stage of ascent, (each of whom +having four, therefore,) sixteen in the third, and so on, long before you +get to the Conquest, every man and woman then living in England will be +wanted to make up the sum of my separate ancestors; consequently, you must +take your ancestors out of the very same fund, or (if you are too proud for +that) you must go without ancestors. So that, your ancestors being clearly +mine, I have a right in law to call the whole "kit" of them monsters. _Quod +erat demonstrandum_. Really and upon our honor, it makes one, for the +moment, ashamed of one's descent; one would wish to disinherit one's-self +backwards, and (as Sheridan says in the _Rivals_) to "cut the connection." +Wordsworth has an admirable picture in Peter Bell of "A snug party in a +parlor," removed into _limbus patrum_ for their offences in the flesh:-- + + "Cramming, as they on earth were cramm'd; + All sipping wine, all sipping tea; + But, as you by their faces see, + All silent, and all d--d." + +How well does that one word describe those venerable ancestral +dinners--"All silent!" Contrast this infernal silence of voice and fury +of eye with the "risus amabilis," the festivity, the social kindness, the +music, the wine, the "dulcis insania," of a Roman "coena." We mentioned +four tests for determining what meal is, and what is not, dinner; we may +now add a fifth, viz. the spirit of festal joy and elegant enjoyment, of +anxiety laid aside, and of honorable social pleasure put on like a marriage +garment. + +And what caused the difference between our ancestors and the Romans? Simply +this--the error of interposing dinner in the middle of business, thus +courting all the breezes of angry feeling that may happen to blow from the +business yet to come, instead of finishing, absolutely closing, the account +with this world's troubles before you sit down. That unhappy interpolation +ruined all. Dinner was an ugly little parenthesis between two still uglier +clauses of a tee-totally ugly sentence. Whereas with us, their enlightened +posterity, to whom they have the honor to be ancestors, dinner is a great +reaction. There lies our conception of the matter. It grew out of the very +excess of the evil. When business was moderate, dinner was allowed to +divide and bisect it. When it swelled into that vast strife and agony, as +one may call it, that boils along the tortured streets of modern London or +other capitals, men began to see the necessity of an adequate counterforce +to push against this overwhelming torrent, and thus maintain the +equilibrium. Were it not for the soft relief of a six o'clock dinner, the +gentle manner succeeding to the boisterous hubbub of the day, the soft +glowing lights, the wine, the intellectual conversation, life in London is +now come to such a pass, that in two years all nerves would sink before it. +But for this periodic reaction, the modern business which draws so cruelly +on the brain, and so little on the hands, would overthrow that organ in +all but those of coarse organization. Dinner it is,--meaning by dinner +the whole complexity of attendant circumstances,--which saves the modern +brain-working men from going mad. + +This revolution as to dinner was the greatest in virtue and value ever +accomplished. In fact, those are always the most operative revolutions +which are brought about through social or domestic changes. A nation must +be barbarous, neither could it have much intellectual business, which dined +in the morning. They could not be at ease in the morning. So much must be +granted: every day has its separate _quantum_, its dose (as the doctrinists +of rent phrase it) of anxiety, that could not be digested so soon as noon. +No man will say it. He, therefore, who dined at noon, was willing to sit +down squalid as he was, with his dress unchanged, his cares not washed off. +And what follows from that? Why, that to him, to such a canine or cynical +specimen of the genus _homo_, dinner existed only as a physical event, a +mere animal relief, a mere carnal enjoyment. For what, we demand, did this +fleshly creature differ from the carrion crow, or the kite, or the vulture, +or the cormorant? A French judge, in an action upon a wager, laid it down +in law, that man only had a _bouche_, all other animals had a _gueule_: +only with regard to the horse, in consideration of his beauty, nobility, +use, and in honor of the respect with which man regarded him, by the +courtesy of Christendom, he might be allowed to have a _bouche_, and his +reproach of brutality, if not taken away, might thus be hidden. But surely, +of the rabid animal who is caught dining at noonday, the _homo ferus_, who +affronts the meridian sun like Thyestes and Atreus, by his inhuman meals, +we are, by parity of reason, entitled to say, that he has a "maw," (so has +Milton's Death,) but nothing resembling stomach. And to this vile man a +philosopher would say--"Go away, sir, and come back to me two or three +centuries hence, when you have learned to be a reasonable creature, and to +make that physico-intellectual thing out of dinner which it was meant to +be, and is capable of becoming." In Henry VII.'s time the court dined at +eleven in the forenoon. But even that hour was considered so shockingly +late in the French court, that Louis XII. actually had his gray hairs +brought down with sorrow to the grave, by changing his regular hour of +half-past nine for eleven, in gallantry to his young English bride.[11] He +fell a victim to late hours in the forenoon. In Cromwell's time they dined +at one, P.M. One century and a half had carried them on by two hours. +Doubtless, old cooks and scullions wondered what the world would come to +next. Our French neighbors were in the same predicament. But they far +surpassed us in veneration for the meal. They actually dated from it. +Dinner constituted the great era of the day. _L'apres diner_ is almost the +sole date which you find in Cardinal De Retz's memoirs of the _Fronde_. +Dinner was their _Hegira_--dinner was their _line_ in traversing the ocean +of day: they crossed the equator when they dined. Our English revolution +came next; it made some little difference, we have heard people say, in +Church and State; but its great effects were perceived in dinner. People +now dined at two. So dined Addison for his last thirty years; so dined +Pope, who was coeval with the revolution through his entire life. Precisely +as the rebellion of 1745 arose, did people (but observe, very great people) +advance to four, P.M. Philosophers, who watch the "semina rerum," and the +first symptoms of change, had perceived this alteration singing in the +upper air like a coming storm some little time before. About the year 1740, +Pope complains to a friend of Lady Suffolk's dining so late as four. Young +people may bear those things, he observes; but as to himself, now turned +of fifty, if such doings went on, if Lady Suffolk would adopt such strange +hours, he must really absent himself from Marble Hill. Lady Suffolk had a +right to please herself: he himself loved her. But if she would persist, +all which remained for a decayed poet was respectfully to "cut his stick, +and retire." Whether Pope ever put up with four o'clock dinners again, we +have vainly sought to fathom. Some things advance continuously, like a +flood or a fire, which always make an end of A, eat and digest it, before +they go on to B. Other things advance _per saltum_--they do not silently +cancer their way onwards, but lie as still as a snake after they have made +some notable conquest, then when unobserved they make themselves up "for +mischief," and take a flying bound onwards. Thus advanced dinner, and by +these fits got into the territory of evening. And ever as it made a motion +onwards, it found the nation more civilized, (else the change would not +have been effected,) and raised them to a still higher civilization. The +next relay on that line of road, the next repeating frigate, is Cowper in +his poem on _Conversation_. He speaks of four o'clock as still the elegant +hour for dinner--the hour for the _lautiores_ and the _lepidi homines_. Now +this was written about 1780, or a little earlier; perhaps, therefore, +just one generation after Pope's Lady Suffolk. But then Cowper was living +amongst the rural gentry, not in high life; yet, again, Cowper was nearly +connected by blood with the eminent Whig house of Cowper, and acknowledged +as a _kinsman_. About twenty-five years after this, we may take Oxford as +a good exponent of the national advance. As a magnificent body of +"foundations," endowed by kings, and resorted to by the flower of the +national youth, Oxford is always elegant and even splendid in her habits. +Yet, on the other hand, as a grave seat of learning, and feeling the weight +of her position in the commonwealth, she is slow to move: she is inert as +she should be, having the functions of _resistance_ assigned to her against +the popular instinct of _movement_. Now, in Oxford, about 1804-5, there was +a general move in the dinner hour. Those colleges who dined at three, of +which there were still several, now dined at four; those who had dined +at four, now translated their hour to five. These continued good general +hours, but still amongst the more intellectual orders, till about Waterloo. +After that era, six, which had been somewhat of a gala hour, was promoted +to the fixed station of dinner-time in ordinary; and there perhaps it will +rest through centuries. For a more festal dinner, seven, eight, nine, ten, +have all been in requisition since then; but we have not yet heard of any +man's dining later than 10, P.M., except in that single classical instance +(so well remembered from our father Joe) of an Irishman who must have dined +_much_ later than ten, because his servant protested, when others were +enforcing the dignity of their masters by the lateness of their dinner +hours, that _his_ master dined "to-morrow." + +Were the Romans not as barbarous as our own ancestors at one time? Most +certainly they were; in their primitive ages they took their _coena_ at +noon,[12] _that_ was before they had laid aside their barbarism; before +they shaved: it was during their barbarism, and in consequence of their +barbarism, that they timed their _coena_ thus unseasonably. And this is +made evident by the fact, that, so long as they erred in the hour, they +erred in the attending circumstances. At this period they had no music +at dinner, no festal graces, and no reposing upon sofas. They sate bolt +upright in chairs, and were as grave as our ancestors, as rabid, and +doubtless as furiously in haste. + +With us the revolution has been equally complex. We do not, indeed, adopt +the luxurious attitude of semi-recumbency; our climate makes that less +requisite; and, moreover, the Romans had no knives and forks, which could +scarcely be used in that posture: they ate with their fingers from dishes +already cut up--whence the peculiar force of Seneca's "post quod non sunt +lavandæ manus." But exactly in proportion as our dinner has advanced +towards evening, have we and has that advanced in circumstances of +elegance, of taste, of intellectual value." That by itself would be much. +Infinite would be the gain for any people that it had ceased to be +brutal, animal, fleshly; ceased to regard the chief meal of the day as a +ministration only to an animal necessity; that they had raised it to a far +higher standard; associated it with social and humanizing feelings, +with manners, with graces both moral and intellectual; moral in the +self-restraint; intellectual in the fact, notorious to all men, that the +chief arenas for the _easy_ display of intellectual power are at our dinner +tables. But dinner has _now_ even a greater function than this; as the +fervor of our day's business increases, dinner is continually more needed +in its office of a great _reaction_. We repeat that, at this moment, but +for the daily relief of dinner, the brain of all men who mix in the strife +of capitals would be unhinged and thrown off its centre. + +If we should suppose the case of a nation taking three equidistant meals +all of the same material and the same quantity, all milk, for instance, it +would be impossible for Thomas Aquinas himself to say which was or was not +dinner. The case would be that of the Roman _ancile_ which dropped from +the skies; to prevent its ever being stolen, the priests made eleven +_facsimiles_ of it, that the thief, seeing the hopelessness of +distinguishing the true one, might let all alone. And the result was, that, +in the next generation, nobody could point to the true one. But our dinner, +the Roman _coena_, is distinguished from the rest by far more than the +hour; it is distinguished by great functions, and by still greater +capacities. It _is_ most beneficial; it may become more so. + +In saying this, we point to the lighter graces of music, and conversation +_more varied_, by which the Roman _coena_ was chiefly distinguished from +our dinner. We are far from agreeing with Mr. Croly, that the Roman meal +was more "intellectual" than ours. On the contrary, ours is the more +intellectual by much; we have far greater knowledge, far greater means +for making it such. In fact, the fault of our meal is--that it is _too_ +intellectual; of too severe a character; too political; too much tending, +in many hands, to disquisition. Reciprocation of question and answer, +variety of topics, shifting of topics, are points not sufficiently +cultivated. In all else we assent to the following passage from Mr. Croly's +eloquent Salathiel:-- + +"If an ancient Roman could start from his slumber into the midst of +European life, he must look with scorn on its absence of grace, elegance, +and fancy. But it is in its festivity, and most of all in its banquets, +that he would feel the incurable barbarism of the Gothic blood. Contrasted +with the fine displays that made the table of the Roman noble a picture, +and threw over the indulgence of appetite the colors of the imagination, +with what eyes must he contemplate the tasteless and commonplace dress, +the coarse attendants, the meagre ornament, the want of mirth, music, and +intellectual interest--the whole heavy machinery that converts the feast +into the mere drudgery of devouring!" + +Thus far the reader knows already that we dissent violently; and by looking +back he will see a picture of our ancestors at dinner, in which they +rehearse the very part in relation to ourselves that Mr. Croly supposes +all moderns to rehearse in relation to the Romans; but in the rest of the +beautiful description, the positive, though not the comparative part, we +must all concur:-- + +"The guests before me were fifty or sixty splendidly dressed men," +(they were in fact Titus and his staff, then occupied with the siege of +Jerusalem,) "attended by a crowd of domestics, attired with scarcely less +splendor; for no man thought of coming to the banquet in the robes of +ordinary life. The embroidered couches, themselves striking objects, +allowed the ease of position at once delightful in the relaxing climates of +the South, and capable of combining with every grace of the human figure. +At a slight distance, the table loaded with plate glittering under a +profusion of lamps, and surrounded by couches thus covered by rich +draperies, was like a central source of light radiating in broad shafts of +every brilliant hue. The wealth of the patricians, and their intercourse +with the Greeks, made them masters of the first performances of the arts. +Copies of the most famous statues, and groups of sculpture in the precious +metals; trophies of victories; models of temples; were mingled with vases +of flowers and lighted perfumes. Finally, covering and closing all, was +a vast scarlet canopy, which combined the groups beneath to the eye, and +threw the whole into the form that a painter would love." + +Mr. Croly then goes on to insist on the intellectual embellishments of the +Roman dinner; their variety, their grace, their adaptation to a festive +purpose. The truth is, our English imagination, more profound than the +Roman, is also more gloomy, less gay, less _riante_. That accounts for our +want of the gorgeous _trictinium_, with its scarlet draperies, and for many +other differences both to the eye and to the understanding. But both we and +the Romans agree in the main point; we both discovered the true purpose +which dinner might serve,--1, to throw the grace of intellectual enjoyment +over an animal necessity; 2, to relieve and antagonize the toil of brain +incident to high forms of social life. + +Our object has been to point the eye to this fact; to show uses imperfectly +suspected in a recurring accident of life; to show a steady tendency to +that consummation, by holding up, as in a mirror, (together with occasional +glimpses of hidden corners in history,) the corresponding revolution +silently going on in a great people of antiquity. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +"_In procinct_."--Milton's translation (somewhere in The Paradise Regained) +of the technical phrase "in procinctu."] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Geologists know not_."--Observe, reader, we are not at all questioning +the Scriptural Chronology of the earth as a _habitation for man_, for on +the pre-human earth Scripture is silent: not upon the six thousand years +does our doubt revolve, but upon a very different thing, viz. to what age +in man these six thousand years correspond by analogy in a planet. In man +the sixtieth part is a very venerable age. But as to a planet, as to our +little earth, instead of arguing dotage, six thousand years may have +scarcely carried her beyond babyhood. Some people think she is cutting her +first teeth; some think her in her teens. But, seriously, it is a very +interesting problem. Do the sixty centuries of our earth imply youth, +maturity, or dotage?] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Everywhere the ancients went to bed, like good boys, from seven to nine +o'clock_."--As we are perfectly serious, we must beg the reader, who +fancies any joke in all this, to consider what an immense difference +it must have made to the earth, considered as a steward of her own +resources-whether great nations, in a period when their resources were so +feebly developed, did, or did not, for many centuries, require candles; +and, we may add, fire. The five heads of human expenditure are,--1, Food; +2, Shelter; 3, Clothing; 4, Fuel; 5, Light. All were pitched on a lower +scale in the Pagan era; and the two last were almost banished from ancient +housekeeping. What a great relief this must have been to our good mother +the earth! who, at _first_, was obliged to request of her children that +they would settle round the Mediterranean. She could not even afford them +water, unless they would come and fetch it themselves out of a common tank +or cistern.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_The manesalutantes_."--There can be no doubt that the _levees_ of modern +princes and ministers have been inherited from this ancient usage of Rome; +one which belonged to Rome republican, as well as Rome imperial. The +fiction in our modern practice is--that we wait upon the _levé_, or rising +of the prince. In France, at one era, this fiction was realized: the +courtiers did really attend the king's dressing. And, as to the queen, even +up to the revolution, Marie Antoinette almost from necessity gave audience +at her toilette.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_Or again, 'siccum pro biscodo, ut hodie vocamus, sumemus_?'"--It is odd +enough that a scholar so complete as Salmasius, whom nothing ever escapes, +should have overlooked so obvious an alternative as that of _siccus_, +meaning without _opsonium--Scoticè_, without "kitchen."] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_The whole amount of relief_;"--from which it appears how grossly Locke +(see his _Education_) was deceived in fancying that Augustus practised any +remarkable abstinence in taking only a bit of bread and a raisin or two, by +way of luncheon. Augustus did no more than most people did; secondly, he +abstained only with a view to dinner; and, thirdly, for this dinner he +never waited longer than up to four o'clock.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Mansiones_"--the halts of the Roman legions, the stationary places of +repose which divided the marches, were so called.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_The everlasting Jew_;"--the German name for what we English call the +Wandering Jew. The German imagination has been most struck with the +duration of the man's life, and his unhappy sanctity from death; the +English by the unrestingness of the man's life, his incapacity of repose.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Immeasurable toga_."--It is very true that in the time of Augustus the +_toga_ had disappeared amongst the lowest plebs, and greatly Augustus was +shocked at that spectacle. It is a very curious fact in itself, especially +as expounding the main cause of the civil wars. Mere poverty, and the +absence of bribery from Rome, whilst all popular competition for offices +drooped, can alone explain this remarkable revolution of dress.] + +[NOTE 10. + +That boys in the Prætexta did not bathe in the public baths, is certain; +and most unquestionably that is the meaning of the expression in Juvenal +so much disputed--"Nisi qui nondum _ære_ lavantur." By _æs_ he means the +_ahenum_, a common name for the public bath, which was made of copper; in +our navy, "the _coppers_" is a name for the boilers. "Nobody believes in +such tales except children," is the meaning. This one exclusion cut off +three eighths of the Roman males.] + +[NOTE 11. + +"_His young--English bride_."--The case of an old man, or one reputed +old, marrying a very girlish wife, is always too much for the gravity of +history; and, rather than lose the joke, the historian prudently disguises +the age, which, after all, was little above fifty. And the very persons +who insist on the late dinner as the proximate cause of death, elsewhere +insinuate something else, not so decorously expressed. It is odd that this +amiable prince, so memorable as having been a martyr to late dining at +eleven, A.M., was the same person who is so equally memorable for the noble +answer about a King of France not remembering the wrongs of a Duke of +Orleans.] + +[NOTE 12. + +"_Took their coena at noon_."--And, by the way, in order to show how little +_coena_ had to do with any evening hour (though, in any age but that of our +fathers, four in the afternoon would never have been thought an evening +hour in the sense implied by _supper_,)--the Roman _gourmands_ and _bons +vivants_ continued through the very last ages of Rome to take their coena, +when more than usually sumptuous, at noon. This, indeed, all people did +occasionally, just as we sometimes give a dinner even now so early as four, +P.M., under the name of a _dejeuner à la fourchette_. Those who took their +_coena_ so early as this, were said _de die coenare_--to begin dining from +high day. Just as the line in Horace--"Ut jugulent homines surgunt _de +nocte_ latrones," does not mean that the robbers rise when others are going +to bed, viz., at nightfall, but at midnight. For, says one of the three +best scholars of this earth, _de die, de nocte_, mean from that hour +which was most fully, most intensely day or night, viz., the centre, the +meridian. This one fact is surely a clencher as to the question whether +_coena_ meant dinner or supper.] + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Miscellaneous Essays, by Thomas de Quincey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS *** + +***** This file should be named 10708-8.txt or 10708-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/7/0/10708/ + +Produced by Charles Franks, Leonard D. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miscellaneous Essays + +Author: Thomas de Quincey + +Release Date: January 13, 2004 [EBook #10708] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks, Leonard D. Johnson, Susan Goble and PG +Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +DE QUINCEY'S WRITINGS. + +It is the intention of the publishers to issue, at intervals, a complete +collection of Mr. De Quincey's Writings, uniform with this volume. The +first four volumes of the series will contain,-- + +I. Confessions of an English Opium-Eater and Suspiria De Profundis. + +II. Biographical Essays. + +III. Miscellaneous Essays. + +IV. The Caesars. + + + + + +MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. + +BY + +THOMAS DE QUINCEY. + + + +CONTENTS. + + +ON THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, IN MACBETH + +MURDER, CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER + +JOAN OF ARC + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED + + + + +ON + +THE KNOCKING AT THE GATE, + +IN MACBETH. + + +From my boyish days I had always felt a great perplexity on one point in +Macbeth. It was this: the knocking at the gate, which succeeds to the +murder of Duncan, produced to my feelings an effect for which I never could +account. The effect was, that it reflected back upon the murder a peculiar +awfulness and a depth of solemnity; yet, however obstinately I endeavored +with my understanding to comprehend this, for many years I never could see +_why_ it should produce such an effect. + +Here I pause for one moment, to exhort the reader never to pay any +attention to his understanding when it stands in opposition to any +other faculty of his mind. The mere understanding, however useful and +indispensable, is the meanest faculty in the human mind, and the most to +be distrusted; and yet the great majority of people trust to nothing else; +which may do for ordinary life, but not for philosophical purposes. Of this +out of ten thousand instances that I might produce, I will cite one. Ask of +any person whatsoever, who is not previously prepared for the demand by +a knowledge of perspective, to draw in the rudest way the commonest +appearance which depends upon the laws of that science; as for instance, to +represent the effect of two walls standing at right angles to each other, +or the appearance of the houses on each side of a street, as seen by a +person looking down the street from one extremity. Now in all cases, unless +the person has happened to observe in pictures how it is that artists +produce these effects, he will be utterly unable to make the smallest +approximation to it. Yet why? For he has actually seen the effect every day +of his life. The reason is--that he allows his understanding to overrule +his eyes. His understanding, which includes no intuitive knowledge of the +laws of vision, can furnish him with no reason why a line which is known +and can be proved to be a horizontal line, should not _appear_ a horizontal +line; a line that made any angle with the perpendicular less than a right +angle, would seem to him to indicate that his houses were all tumbling down +together. Accordingly he makes the line of his houses a horizontal line, +and fails of course to produce the effect demanded. Here then is one +instance out of many, in which not only the understanding is allowed to +overrule the eyes, but where the understanding is positively allowed to +obliterate the eyes as it were, for not only does the man believe the +evidence of his understanding in opposition to that of his eyes, but, +(what is monstrous!) the idiot is not aware that his eyes ever gave such +evidence. He does not know that he has seen (and therefore _quoad_ his +consciousness has _not_ seen) that which he _has_ seen every day of his +life. But to return from this digression, my understanding could furnish no +reason why the knocking at the gate in Macbeth should produce any effect, +direct or reflected. In fact, my understanding said positively that it +could _not_ produce any effect. But I knew better; I felt that it did; and +I waited and clung to the problem until further knowledge should enable me +to solve it. At length, in 1812, Mr. Williams made his _debut_ on the stage +of Ratcliffe Highway, and executed those unparalleled murders which have +procured for him such a brilliant and undying reputation. On which murders, +by the way, I must observe, that in one respect they have had an ill +effect, by making the connoisseur in murder very fastidious in his taste, +and dissatisfied by anything that has been since done in that line. All +other murders look pale by the deep crimson of his; and, as an amateur once +said to me in a querulous tone, "There has been absolutely nothing _doing_ +since his time, or nothing that's worth speaking of." But this is wrong; +for it is unreasonable to expect all men to be great artists, and born with +the genius of Mr. Williams. Now it will be remembered that in the first of +these murders, (that of the Marrs,) the same incident (of a knocking at the +door soon after the work of extermination was complete) did actually occur, +which the genius of Shakspeare has invented; and all good judges, and +the most eminent dilettanti, acknowledged the felicity of Shakspeare's +suggestion as soon as it was actually realized. Here, then, was a fresh +proof that I was right in relying on my own feeling in opposition to my +understanding; and I again set myself to study the problem; at length +I solved it to my own satisfaction; and my solution is this. Murder in +ordinary cases, where the sympathy is wholly directed to the case of the +murdered person, is an incident of coarse and vulgar horror; and for this +reason, that it flings the interest exclusively upon the natural but +ignoble instinct by which we cleave to life; an instinct, which, as being +indispensable to the primal law of self-preservation, is the same in kind, +(though different in degree,) amongst all living creatures; this instinct +therefore, because it annihilates all distinctions, and degrades the +greatest of men to the level of "the poor beetle that we tread on," +exhibits human nature in its most abject and humiliating attitude. Such an +attitude would little suit the purposes of the poet. What then must he +do? He must throw the interest on the murderer. Our sympathy must be with +_him_; (of course I mean a sympathy of comprehension, a sympathy by which +we enter into his feelings, and are made to understand them,--not a +sympathy[1] of pity or approbation.) In the murdered person all strife of +thought, all flux and reflux of passion and of purpose, are crushed by one +overwhelming panic; the fear of instant death smites him "with its petrific +mace." But in the murderer, such a murderer as a poet will condescend to, +there must be raging some great storm of passion,--jealousy, ambition, +vengeance, hatred,--which will create a hell within him; and into this hell +we are to look. + +[Footnote 1: It seems almost ludicrous to guard and explain my use of a +word in a situation where it would naturally explain itself. But it has +become necessary to do so, in consequence of the unscholarlike use of the +word sympathy, at present so general, by which, instead of taking it in +its proper sense, as the act of reproducing in our minds the feelings of +another, whether for hatred, indignation, love, pity, or approbation, it +is made a mere synonyme of the word _pity_; and hence, instead of saying +"sympathy _with_ another," many writers adopt the monstrous barbarism of +"sympathy _for_ another."] + +In Macbeth, for the sake of gratifying his own enormous and teeming faculty +of creation, Shakspeare has introduced two murderers: and, as usual in his +hands, they are remarkably discriminated: but, though in Macbeth the strife +of mind is greater than in his wife, the tiger spirit not so awake, and his +feelings caught chiefly by contagion from her,--yet, as both were finally +involved in the guilt of murder, the murderous mind of necessity is finally +to be presumed in both. This was to be expressed; and on its own account, +as well as to make it a more proportionable antagonist to the unoffending +nature of their victim, "the gracious Duncan," and adequately to expound +"the deep damnation of his taking off," this was to be expressed with +peculiar energy. We were to be made to feel that the human nature, _i.e._, +the divine nature of love and mercy, spread through the hearts of all +creatures, and seldom utterly withdrawn from man,--was gone, vanished, +extinct; and that the fiendish nature had taken its place. And, as this +effect is marvellously accomplished in the _dialogues_ and _soliloquies_ +themselves, so it is finally consummated by the expedient under +consideration; and it is to this that I now solicit the reader's attention. +If the reader has ever witnessed a wife, daughter, or sister, in a fainting +fit, he may chance to have observed that the most affecting moment in +such a spectacle, is _that_ in which a sigh and a stirring announce the +recommencement of suspended life. Or, if the reader has ever been present +in a vast metropolis, on the day when some great national idol was carried +in funeral pomp to his grave, and chancing to walk near the course through +which it passed, has felt powerfully, in the silence and desertion of the +streets and in the stagnation of ordinary business, the deep interest which +at that moment was possessing the heart of man,--if all at once he should +hear the death-like stillness broken up by the sound of wheels rattling +away from the scene, and making known that the transitory vision was +dissolved, he will be aware that at no moment was his sense of the complete +suspension and pause in ordinary human concerns so full and affecting, as +at that moment when the suspension ceases, and the goings-on of human +life are suddenly resumed. All action in any direction is best expounded, +measured, and made apprehensible, by reaction. Now apply this to the case +in Macbeth. Here, as I have said, the retiring of the human heart and the +entrance of the fiendish heart was to be expressed and made sensible. +Another world has stepped in; and the murderers are taken out of the region +of human things, human purposes, human desires. They are transfigured: Lady +Macbeth is "unsexed;" Macbeth has forgot that he was born of woman; both +are conformed to the image of devils; and the world of devils is suddenly +revealed. But how shall this be conveyed and made palpable? In order that a +new world may step in, this world must for a time disappear. The murderers, +and the murder, must be insulated--cut off by an immeasurable gulph +from the ordinary tide and succession of human affairs--locked up and +sequestered in some deep recess; we must be made sensible that the world +of ordinary life is suddenly arrested--laid asleep--tranced--racked into +a dread armistice: time must be annihilated; relation to things without +abolished; and all must pass self-withdrawn into a deep syncope and +suspension of earthly passion. Hence it is, that when the deed is done, +when the work of darkness is perfect, then the world of darkness passes +away like a pageantry in the clouds: the knocking at the gate is heard; and +it makes known audibly that the reaction has commenced: the human has made +its reflux upon the fiendish; the pulses of life are beginning to beat +again; and the re-establishment of the goings-on of the world in which we +live, first makes us profoundly sensible of the awful parenthesis that had +suspended them. + +O, mighty poet! Thy works are not as those of other men, simply and merely +great works of art; but are also like the phenomena of nature, like the sun +and the sea, the stars and the flowers,--like frost and snow, rain and dew, +hail-storm and thunder, which are to be studied with entire submission of +our own faculties, and in the perfect faith that in them there can be no +too much or too little, nothing useless or inert--but that, the further +we press in our discoveries, the more we shall see proofs of design and +self-supporting arrangement where the careless eye had seen nothing but +accident! + + + +ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +TO THE EDITOR OF BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. + + +SIR,--We have all heard of a Society for the Promotion of Vice, of the +Hell-Fire Club, &c. At Brighton, I think it was, that a Society was formed +for the Suppression of Virtue. That society was itself suppressed--but I +am sorry to say that another exists in London, of a character still +more atrocious. In tendency, it may be denominated a Society for the +Encouragement of Murder; but, according to their own delicate [Greek: +euphaemismos], it is styled--The Society of Connoisseurs in Murder. They +profess to be curious in homicide; amateurs and dilettanti in the various +modes of bloodshed; and, in short, Murder-Fanciers. Every fresh atrocity +of that class, which the police annals of Europe bring up, they meet and +criticise as they would a picture, statue, or other work of art. But I +need not trouble myself with any attempt to describe the spirit of their +proceedings, as you will collect _that_ much better from one of the Monthly +Lectures read before the society last year. This has fallen into my hands +accidentally, in spite of all the vigilance exercised to keep their +transactions from the public eye. The publication of it will alarm them; +and my purpose is that it should. For I would much rather put them down +quietly, by an appeal to public opinion through you, than by such an +exposure of names as would follow an appeal to Bow Street; which last +appeal, however, if this should fail, I must positively resort to. For it +is scandalous that such things should go on in a Christian land. Even in a +heathen land, the toleration of murder was felt by a Christian writer to be +the most crying reproach of the public morals. This writer was Lactantius; +and with his words, as singularly applicable to the present occasion, I +shall conclude: "Quid tam horribile," says he, "tam tetrum, quam hominis +trucidatio? Ideo severissimis legibus vita nostra munitur; ideo bella +execrabilia sunt. Invenit tamen consuetudo quatenus homicidium sine bello +ac sine legibus faciat: et hoc sibi voluptas quod scelus vindicavit. +Quod si interesse homicidio sceleris conscientia est,--et eidem facinori +spectator obstrictus est cui et admissor; ergo et in his gladiatorum +caedibus non minus cruore profunditur qui spectat, quam ille qui facit: +nec potest esse immunis a sanguine qui voluit effundi; aut videri non +interfecisse, qui interfectori et favit et proemium postulavit." "Human +life," says he, "is guarded by laws of the uttermost rigor, yet custom has +devised a mode of evading them in behalf of murder; and the demands of +taste (voluptas) are now become the same as those of abandoned guilt." Let +the Society of Gentlemen Amateurs consider this; and let me call their +especial attention to the last sentence, which is so weighty, that I shall +attempt to convey it in English: "Now, if merely to be present at a +murder fastens on a man the character of an accomplice; if barely to be a +spectator involves us in one common guilt with the perpetrator; it follows +of necessity, that, in these murders of the amphitheatre, the hand which +inflicts the fatal blow is not more deeply imbrued in blood than his who +sits and looks on: neither can _he_ be clear of blood who has countenanced +its shedding; nor that man seem other than a participator in murder who +gives his applause to the murderer, and calls for prizes in his behalf." +The "_praemia postulavit_" I have not yet heard charged upon the Gentlemen +Amateurs of London, though undoubtedly their proceedings tend to that; +but the "_interfectori favil_" is implied in the very title of this +association, and expressed in every line of the lecture which I send you. + +I am, &c. X. Y. Z. + + * * * * * + +LECTURE. + +GENTLEMEN,--I have had the honor to be appointed by your committee to the +trying task of reading the Williams' Lecture on Murder, considered as one +of the Fine Arts; a task which might be easy enough three or four centuries +ago, when the art was little understood, and few great models had been +exhibited; but in this age, when masterpieces of excellence have been +executed by professional men, it must be evident, that in the style +of criticism applied to them, the public will look for something of a +corresponding improvement. Practice and theory must advance _pari passu_. +People begin to see that something more goes to the composition of a fine +murder than two blockheads to kill and be killed--a knife--a purse--and a +dark lane. Design, gentlemen, grouping, light and shade, poetry, sentiment, +are now deemed indispensable to attempts of this nature. Mr. Williams +has exalted the ideal of murder to all of us; and to me, therefore, in +particular, has deepened the arduousness of my task. Like AEschylus or +Milton in poetry, like Michael Angelo in painting, he has carried his art +to a point of colossal sublimity; and, as Mr. Wordsworth observes, has in +a manner "created the taste by which he is to be enjoyed." To sketch the +history of the art, and to examine its principles critically, now remains +as a duty for the connoisseur, and for judges of quite another stamp from +his Majesty's Judges of Assize. + +Before I begin, let me say a word or two to certain prigs, who affect to +speak of our society as if it were in some degree immoral in its tendency. +Immoral! God bless my soul, gentlemen, what is it that people mean? I am +for morality, and always shall be, and for virtue and all that; and I do +affirm, and always shall, (let what will come of it,) that murder is an +improper line of conduct, highly improper; and I do not stick to assert, +that any man who deals in murder, must have very incorrect ways of +thinking, and truly inaccurate principles; and so far from aiding and +abetting him by pointing out his victim's hiding-place, as a great +moralist[1] of Germany declared it to be every good man's duty to do, I +would subscribe one shilling and sixpense to have him apprehended, which is +more by eighteen-pence than the most eminent moralists have subscribed for +that purpose. But what then? Everything in this world has two handles. +Murder, for instance, may be laid hold of by its moral handle, (as it +generally is in the pulpit, and at the Old Bailey;) and _that_, I confess, +is its weak side; or it may also be treated _aesthetically_, as the Germans +call it, that is, in relation to good taste. + +[Footnote 1: Kant--who carried his demands of unconditional veracity to so +extravagant a length as to affirm, that, if a man were to see an innocent +person escape from a murderer, it would be his duty, on being questioned +by the murderer, to tell the truth, and to point out the retreat of the +innocent person, under any certainty of causing murder. Lest this doctrine +should be supposed to have escaped him in any heat of dispute, on being +taxed with it by a celebrated French writer, he solemnly reaffirmed it, +with his reasons.] + +To illustrate this, I will urge the authority of three eminent persons, +viz., S.T. Coleridge, Aristotle, and Mr. Howship the surgeon. To begin with +S.T.C. One night, many years ago, I was drinking tea with him in Berners' +Street, (which, by the way, for a short street, has been uncommonly +fruitful in men of genius.) Others were there besides myself; and amidst +some carnal considerations of tea and toast, we were all imbibing a +dissertation on Plotinus from the attic lips of S.T.C. Suddenly a cry arose +of "_Fire--fire_!" upon which all of us, master and disciples, Plato and +[Greek: hoi peri ton Platona], rushed out, eager for the spectacle. The +fire was in Oxford Street, at a piano-forte maker's; and, as it promised to +be a conflagration of merit, I was sorry that my engagements forced me away +from Mr. Coleridge's party before matters were come to a crisis. Some days +after, meeting with my Platonic host, I reminded him of the case, and +begged to know how that very promising exhibition had terminated. "Oh, +sir," said he, "it turned out so ill, that we damned it unanimously." Now, +does any man suppose that Mr. Coleridge,--who, for all he is too fat to be +a person of active virtue, is undoubtedly a worthy Christian,--that this +good S. T. C., I say, was an incendiary, or capable of wishing any ill +to the poor man and his piano-fortes (many of them, doubtless, with the +additional keys)? On the contrary, I know him to be that sort of man, that +I durst stake my life upon it he would have worked an engine in a case of +necessity, although rather of the fattest for such fiery trials of his +virtue. But how stood the case? Virtue was in no request. On the arrival +of the fire-engines, morality had devolved wholly on the insurance office. +This being the case, he had a right to gratify his taste. He had left his +tea. Was he to have nothing in return? + +I contend that the most virtuous man, under the premises stated, was +entitled to make a luxury of the fire, and to hiss it, as he would any +other performance that raised expectations in the public mind, which +afterwards it disappointed. Again, to cite another great authority, +what says the Stagyrite? He (in the Fifth Book, I think it is, of his +Metaphysics) describes what he calls [Greek: kleptaen teleion], i.e., _a +perfect thief_; and, as to Mr. Howship, in a work of his on Indigestion, he +makes no scruple to talk with admiration of a certain ulcer which he had +seen, and which he styles "a beautiful ulcer." Now will any man pretend, +that, abstractedly considered, a thief could appear to Aristotle a perfect +character, or that Mr. Howship could be enamored of an ulcer? Aristotle, +it is well known, was himself so very moral a character, that, not content +with writing his Nichomachean Ethics, in one volume octavo, he also +wrote another system, called _Magna Moralia_, or Big Ethics. Now, it is +impossible that a man who composes any ethics at all, big or little, should +admire a thief _per se_, and, as to Mr. Howship, it is well known that he +makes war upon all ulcers; and, without suffering himself to be seduced by +their charms, endeavors to banish them from the county of Middlesex. But +the truth is, that, however objectionable _per se_, yet, relatively to +others of their class, both a thief and an ulcer may have infinite degrees +of merit. They are both imperfections, it is true; but to be imperfect +being their essence, the very greatness of their imperfection becomes their +perfection. _Spartam nactus es, hunc exorna_. A thief like Autolycus or +Mr. Barrington, and a grim phagedaenic ulcer, superbly defined, and running +regularly through all its natural stages, may no less justly be regarded +as ideals after _their_ kind, than the most faultless moss-rose amongst +flowers, in its progress from bud to "bright consummate flower;" or, +amongst human flowers, the most magnificent young female, apparelled in +the pomp of womanhood. And thus not only the ideal of an inkstand may be +imagined, (as Mr. Coleridge demonstrated in his celebrated correspondence +with Mr. Blackwood,) in which, by the way, there is not so much, because an +inkstand is a laudable sort of thing, and a valuable member of society; but +even imperfection itself may have its ideal or perfect state. + +Really, gentlemen, I beg pardon for so much philosophy at one time, and now +let me apply it. When a murder is in the paulo-post-futurum tense, and a +rumor of it comes to our ears, by all means let us treat it morally. But +suppose it over and done, and that you can say of it,[Greek: Tetelesai], +or (in that adamantine molossus of Medea) [Greek: eirzasai]; suppose the +poor murdered man to be out of his pain, and the rascal that did it off +like a shot, nobody knows whither; suppose, lastly, that we have done our +best, by putting out our legs to trip up the fellow in his flight, but all +to no purpose--"abiit, evasit," &c.--why, then, I say, what's the use of +any more virtue? Enough has been given to morality; now comes the turn of +Taste and the Fine Arts. A sad thing it was, no doubt, very sad; but _we_ +can't mend it. Therefore let us make the best of a bad matter; and, as it +is impossible to hammer anything out of it for moral purposes, let us treat +it aesthetically, and see if it will turn to account in that way. Such is +the logic of a sensible man, and what follows? We dry up our tears, and +have the satisfaction, perhaps, to discover that a transaction, which, +morally considered, was shocking, and without a leg to stand upon, +when tried by principles of Taste, turns out to be a very meritorious +performance. Thus all the world is pleased; the old proverb is justified, +that it is an ill wind which blows nobody good; the amateur, from looking +bilious and sulky, by too close an attention to virtue, begins to pick up +his crumbs, and general hilarity prevails. Virtue has had her day; and +henceforward, _Vertu_ and Connoisseurship have leave to provide for +themselves. Upon this principle, gentlemen, I propose to guide your +studies, from Cain to Mr. Thurtell. Through this great gallery of murder, +therefore, together let us wander hand in hand, in delighted admiration, +while I endeavor to point your attention to the objects of profitable +criticism. + + * * * * * + +The first murder is familiar to you all. As the inventor of murder, and the +father of the art, Cain must have been a man of first-rate genius. All the +Cains were men of genius. Tubal Cain invented tubes, I think, or some such +thing. But, whatever were the originality and genius of the artist, every +art was then in its infancy, and the works must be criticised with a +recollection of that fact. Even Tubal's work would probably be little +approved at this day in Sheffield; and therefore of Cain (Cain senior, I +mean,) it is no disparagement to say, that his performance was but so so. +Milton, however, is supposed to have thought differently. By his way of +relating the case, it should seem to have been rather a pet murder with +him, for he retouches it with an apparent anxiety for its picturesque +effect: + + Whereat he inly raged; and, as they talk'd, + Smote him into the midriff with a stone + That beat out life: he fell; and, deadly pale, + Groan'd out his soul _with gushing blood effus'd_. + _Par. Lost, B. XI_. + +Upon this, Richardson, the painter, who had an eye for effect, remarks as +follows, in his Notes on Paradise Lost, p. 497: "It has been thought," +says he, "that Cain beat (as the common saying is) the breath out of his +brother's body with a great stone; Milton gives in to this, with the +addition, however, of a large wound." In this place it was a judicious +addition; for the rudeness of the weapon, unless raised and enriched by +a warm, sanguinary coloring, has too much of the naked air of the savage +school; as if the deed were perpetrated by a Polypheme without science, +premeditation, or anything but a mutton bone. However, I am chiefly pleased +with the improvement, as it implies that Milton was an amateur. As to +Shakspeare, there never was a better; as his description of the murdered +Duke of Gloucester, in Henry VI., of Duncan's, Banquo's, &c., sufficiently +proves. + +The foundation of the art having been once laid, it is pitiable to see how +it slumbered without improvement for ages. In fact, I shall now be obliged +to leap over all murders, sacred and profane, as utterly unworthy of +notice, until long after the Christian era. Greece, even in the age of +Pericles, produced no murder of the slightest merit; and Rome had too +little originality of genius in any of the arts to succeed, where her +model failed her. In fact, the Latin language sinks under the very idea of +murder. "The man was murdered;"--how will this sound in Latin? _Interfectus +est, interemptus est_--which simply expresses a homicide; and hence the +Christian Latinity of the middle ages was obliged to introduce a new word, +such as the feebleness of classic conceptions never ascended to. _Murdratus +est_, says the sublimer dialect of Gothic ages. Meantime, the Jewish, +school of murder kept alive whatever was yet known in the art, and +gradually transferred it to the Western World. Indeed the Jewish school was +always respectable, even in the dark ages, as the case of Hugh of Lincoln +shows, which was honored with the approbation of Chaucer, on occasion of +another performance from the same school, which he puts into the mouth of +the Lady Abbess. + +Recurring, however, for one moment to classical antiquity, I cannot but +think that Catiline, Clodius, and some of that coterie, would have made +first-rate artists; and it is on all accounts to be regretted, that the +priggism of Cicero robbed his country of the only chance she had for +distinction in this line. As the _subject_ of a murder, no person could +have answered better than himself. Lord! how he would have howled with +panic, if he had heard Cethegus under his bed. It would have been truly +diverting to have listened to him; and satisfied I am, gentlemen, that he +would have preferred the _utile_ of creeping into a closet, or even into a +_cloaca_, to the _honestum_ of facing the bold artist. + +To come now to the dark ages--(by which we, that speak with precision, +mean, _par excellence_, the tenth century, and the times immediately before +and after)--these ages ought naturally to be favorable to the art of +murder, as they were to church architecture, to stained glass, &c.; and, +accordingly, about the latter end of this period, there arose a great +character in our art, I mean the Old Man of the Mountains. He was a shining +light, indeed, and I need not tell you, that the very word "assassin" is +deduced from him. So keen an amateur was he, that on one occasion, when his +own life was attempted by a favorite assassin, he was so much pleased +with the talent shown, that notwithstanding the failure of the artist, he +created him a duke upon the spot, with remainder to the female line, and +settled a pension on him for three lives. Assassination is a branch of the +art which demands a separate notice; and I shall devote an entire lecture +to it. Meantime, I shall only observe how odd it is, that this branch of +the art has flourished by fits. It never rains, but it pours. Our own age +can boast of some fine specimens; and, about two centuries ago, there was a +most brilliant constellation of murders in this class. I need hardly say, +that I allude especially to those five splendid works,--the assassinations +of William I, of Orange, of Henry IV., of France, of the Duke of +Buckingham, (which you will find excellently described in the letters +published by Mr. Ellis, of the British Museum,) of Gustavus Adolphus, and +of Wallenstein. The King of Sweden's assassination, by the by, is doubted +by many writers, Harte amongst others; but they are wrong. He was murdered; +and I consider his murder unique in its excellence; for he was murdered at +noon-day, and on the field of battle,--a feature of original conception, +which occurs in no other work of art that I remember. Indeed, all of these +assassinations may be studied with profit by the advanced connoisseur. They +are all of them _exemplaria_, of which one may say,-- + + Nociurna versata manu, versate diurne; + +Especially _nocturna_. + +In these assassinations of princes and statesmen, there is nothing to +excite our wonder; important changes often depend on their deaths; and, +from the eminence on which they stand, they are peculiarly exposed to the +aim of every artist who happens to be possessed by the craving for scenical +effect. But there is another class of assassinations, which has prevailed +from an early period of the seventeenth century, that really _does_ +surprise me; I mean the assassination of philosophers. For, gentlemen, it +is a fact, that every philosopher of eminence for the two last centuries +has either been murdered, or, at the least, been very near it; insomuch, +that if a man calls himself a philosopher, and never had his life +attempted, rest assured there is nothing in him; and against Locke's +philosophy in particular, I think it an unanswerable objection (if we +needed any), that, although he carried his throat about with him in this +world for seventy-two years, no man ever condescended to cut it. As these +cases of philosophers are not much known, and are generally good and well +composed in their circumstances, I shall here read an excursus on that +subject, chiefly by way of showing my own learning. + +The first great philosopher of the seventeenth century (if we except +Galileo) was Des Cartes; and if ever one could say of a man that he was all +_but_ murdered--murdered within an inch--one must say it of him. The case +was this, as reported by Baillet in his _Vie De M. Des Cartes_, tom. I. p. +102-3. In the year 1621, when Des Cartes might be about twenty-six years +old, he was touring about as usual, (for he was as restless as a hyaena,) +and, coming to the Elbe, either at Gluckstadt or at Hamburgh, he took +shipping for East Friezland: what he could want in East Friezland no man +has ever discovered; and perhaps he took this into consideration himself; +for, on reaching Embden, he resolved to sail instantly for _West_ +Friezland; and being very impatient of delay, he hired a bark, with a few +mariners to navigate it. No sooner had he got out to sea than he made a +pleasing discovery, viz. that he had shut himself up in a den of murderers. +His crew, says M. Baillet, he soon found out to be "des scelerats,"--not +_amateurs_, gentlemen, as we are, but professional men--the height of +whose ambition at that moment was to cut his throat. But the story is too +pleasing to be abridged; I shall give it, therefore, accurately, from the +French of his biographer: "M. Des Cartes had no company but that of his +servant, with whom he was conversing in French. The sailors, who took him +for a foreign merchant, rather than a cavalier, concluded that he must +have money about him. Accordingly they came to a resolution by no means +advantageous to his purse. There is this difference, however, between +sea-robbers and the robbers in forests, that the latter may, without +hazard, spare the lives of their victims; whereas the other cannot put +a passenger on shore in such a case without running the risk of being +apprehended. The crew of M. Des Cartes arranged their measures with a view +to evade any danger of that sort. They observed that he was a stranger from +a distance, without acquaintance in the country, and that nobody would take +any trouble to inquire about him, in case he should never come to hand, +(_quand il viendroit a manquer_.") Think, gentlemen, of these Friezland +dogs discussing a philosopher as if he were a puncheon of rum. "His temper, +they remarked, was very mild and patient; and, judging from the gentleness +of his deportment, and the courtesy with which he treated themselves, that +he could be nothing more than some green young man, they concluded that +they should have all the easier task in disposing of his life. They made no +scruple to discuss the whole matter in his presence, as not supposing that +he understood any other language than that in which he conversed with his +servant; and the amount of their deliberation was--to murder him, then to +throw him into the sea, and to divide his spoils." + +Excuse my laughing, gentlemen, but the fact is, I always _do_ laugh when I +think of this case--two things about it seem so droll. One, is, the horrid +panic or "funk," (as the men of Eton call it,) in which Des Cartes must +have found himself upon hearing this regular drama sketched for his own +death--funeral--succession and administration to his effects. But another +thing, which seems to me still more funny about this affair is, that +if these Friezland hounds had been "game," we should have no Cartesian +philosophy; and how we could have done without _that_, considering the +worlds of books it has produced, I leave to any respectable trunk-maker to +declare. + +However, to go on; spite of his enormous funk, Des Cartes showed fight, +and by that means awed these Anti-Cartesian rascals. "Finding," says M. +Baillet, "that the matter was no joke, M. Des Cartes leaped upon his feet +in a trice, assumed a stern countenance that these cravens had never looked +for, and addressing them in their own language, threatened to run them +through on the spot if they dared to offer him any insult." Certainly, +gentlemen, this would have been an honor far above the merits of such +inconsiderable rascals--to be spitted like larks upon a Cartesian sword; +and therefore I am glad M. Des Cartes did not rob the gallows by executing +his threat, especially as he could not possibly have brought his vessel to +port, after he had murdered his crew; so that he must have continued to +cruise for ever in the Zuyder Zee, and would probably have been mistaken by +sailors for the _Flying Dutchman_, homeward bound. "The spirit which M. Des +Cartes manifested," says his biographer, "had the effect of magic on these +wretches. The suddenness of their consternation struck their minds with a +confusion which blinded them to their advantage, and they conveyed him to +his destination as peaceably as he could desire." + +Possibly, gentlemen, you may fancy that, on the model of Caesar's address +to his poor ferryman,--"_Caesarem vehis et fortunas ejus_"--M. Des Cartes +needed only to have said,--"Dogs, you cannot cut my throat, for you carry +Des Cartes and his philosophy," and might safely have defied them to do +their worst. A German emperor had the same notion, when, being cautioned to +keep out of the way of a cannonading, he replied, "Tut! man. Did you ever +hear of a cannon-ball that killed an emperor?" As to an emperor I cannot +say, but a less thing has sufficed to smash a philosoper; and the next +great philosopher of Europe undoubtedly _was_ murdered. This was Spinosa. + +I know very well the common opinion about him is, that he died in his bed. +Perhaps he did, but he was murdered for all that; and this I shall prove +by a book published at Brussels, in the year 1731, entitled, _La Via de +Spinosa; Par M. Jean Colerus_, with many additions, from a MS. life, by one +of his friends. Spinosa died on the 21st February, 1677, being then little +more than forty-four years old. This of itself looks suspicious; and M. +Jean admits, that a certain expression in the MS. life of him would warrant +the conclusion, "que sa mort n'a pas ete tout-a-fait naturelle." Living in +a damp country, and a sailor's country, like Holland, he may be thought to +have indulged a good deal in grog, especially in punch,[1] which was then +newly discovered. Undoubtedly he might have done so; but the fact is that +he did not. M. Jean calls him "extremement sobre en son boire et en son +manger." And though some wild stories were afloat about his using the juice +of mandragora (p. 140,) and opium, (p. 144,) yet neither of these articles +appeared in his druggist's bill. Living, therefore, with such sobriety, how +was it possible that he should die a natural death at forty-four? Hear his +biographer's account:--"Sunday morning the 21st of February, before it was +church time, Spinosa came down stairs and conversed with the master and +mistress of the house." At this time, therefore, perhaps ten o'clock on +Sunday morning, you see that Spinosa was alive, and pretty well. But it +seems "he had summoned from Amsterdam a certain physician, whom," says the +biographer, "I shall not otherwise point out to notice than by these two +letters, L.M. This L.M. had directed the people of the house to purchase an +ancient cock, and to have him boiled forthwith, in order that Spinosa might +take some broth about noon, which in fact he did, and ate some of the _old +cock_ with a good appetite, after the landlord and his wife had returned +from church. + +[Footnote 1: "June 1, 1675.--Drinke part of 3 boules of punch, (a liquor +very strainge to me,)" says the Rev. Mr. Henry Teonge, in his Diary lately +published. In a note on this passage, a reference is made to Fryer's +Travels to the East Indies, 1672, who speaks of "that enervating liquor +called _Paunch_, (which is Indostan for five,) from five ingredients." +Made thus, it seems the medical men called it Diapente; if with four only, +Diatessaron. No doubt, it was its Evangelical name that recommended it to +the Rev. Mr. Teonge.] + +"In the afternoon, L.M. staid alone with Spinosa, the people of the house +having returned to church; on coming out from which they learnt, with much +surprise, that Spinosa had died about three o'clock, in the presence +of L.M., who took his departure for Amsterdam the same evening, by the +night-boat, without paying the least attention to the deceased. No doubt he +was the readier to dispense with these duties, as he had possessed himself +of a ducatoon and a small quantity of silver, together with a silver-hafted +knife, and had absconded with his pillage." Here you see, gentlemen, the +murder is plain, and the manner of it. It was L.M. who murdered Spinosa +for his money. Poor S. was an invalid, meagre, and weak: as no blood +was observed, L.M., no doubt, threw him down and smothered him with +pillows,--the poor man being already half suffocated by his infernal +dinner. But who was L.M.? It surely never could be Lindley Murray; for I +saw him at York in 1825; and besides, I do not think he Would do such a +thing; at least, not to a brother grammarian: for you know, gentlemen, that +Spinosa wrote a very respectable Hebrew grammar. + +Hobbes, but why, or on what principle, I never could understand, was not +murdered. This was a capital oversight of the professional men in the +seventeenth century; because in every light he was a fine subject for +murder, except, indeed, that he was lean and skinny; for I can prove that +he had money, and (what is very funny,) he had no right to make the least +resistance; for, according to himself, irresistible power creates the very +highest species of right, so that it is rebellion of the blackest die +to refuse to be murdered, when a competent force appears to murder you. +However, gentlemen, though he was not murdered, I am happy to assure you +that (by his own account) he was three times very near being murdered. The +first time was in the spring of 1640, when he pretends to have circulated +a little MS. on the king's behalf, against the Parliament; he never could +produce this MS., by the by; but he says that, "Had not his Majesty +dissolved the Parliament," (in May,) "it had brought him into danger of his +life." Dissolving the Parliament, however, was of no use; for, in November +of the same year, the Long Parliament assembled, and Hobbes, a second time, +fearing he should be murdered, ran away to France. This looks like the +madness of John Dennis, who thought that Louis XIV. would never make peace +with Queen Anne, unless he were given up to his vengeance; and actually ran +away from the sea-coast in that belief. In France, Hobbes managed to take +care of his throat pretty well for ten years; but at the end of that time, +by way of paying court to Cromwell, he published his Leviathan. The old +coward now began to "funk" horribly for the third time; he fancied the +swords of the cavaliers were constantly at his throat, recollecting how +they had served the Parliament ambassadors at the Hague and Madrid. "Turn," +says he, in his dog-Latin life of himself, + + "Tum venit in mentem mihi Dorislaus et Ascham; + Tanquam proscripto terror ubique aderat." + +And accordingly he ran home to England. Now, certainly, it is very true +that a man deserved a cudgelling for writing Leviathan; and two or three +cudgellings for writing a pentameter ending so villanously as--"terror +ubique aderat!" But no man ever thought him worthy of anything beyond +cudgelling. And, in fact, the whole story is a bounce of his own. For, in a +most abusive letter which he wrote "to a learned person," (meaning Wallis +the mathematician,) he gives quite another account of the matter, and says +(p. 8,) he ran home "because he would not trust his safety with the French +clergy;" insinuating that he was likely to be murdered for his religion, +which would have been a high joke indeed--Tom's being brought to the stake +for religion. + +Bounce or not bounce, however, certain it is, that Hobbes, to the end of +his life, feared that somebody would murder him. This is proved by the +story I am going to tell you: it is not from a manuscript, but, (as Mr. +Coleridge says,) it is as good as manuscript; for it comes from a book +now entirely forgotten, viz., "The Creed of Mr. Hobbes Examined; in a +Conference between him and a Student in Divinity," (published about ten +years before Hobbes's death.) The book is anonymous, but it was written by +Tennison, the same who, about thirty years after, succeeded Tillotson as +Archbishop of Canterbury. The introductory anecdote is as follows: "A +certain divine, it seems, (no doubt Tennison himself,) took an annual tour +of one month to different parts of the island. In one of these excursions +(1670) he visited the Peak in Derbyshire, partly in consequence of Hobbes's +description of it. Being in that neighborhood, he could not but pay a visit +to Buxton; and at the very moment of his arrival, he was fortunate enough +to find a party of gentlemen dismounting at the inn door, amongst whom was +a long thin fellow, who turned out to be no less a person than Mr. Hobbes, +who probably had ridden over from Chattsworth. Meeting so great a lion,--a +tourist, in search of the picturesque, could do no less than present +himself in the character of bore. And luckily for this scheme, two of Mr. +Hobbes's companions were suddenly summoned away by express; so that, for +the rest of his stay at Buxton, he had Leviathan entirely to himself, and +had the honor of bowsing with him in the evening. Hobbes, it seems, at +first showed a good deal of stiffness, for he was shy of divines; but this +wore off, and he became very sociable and funny, and they agreed to go into +the bath together. How Tennison could venture to gambol in the same water +with Leviathan, I cannot explain; but so it was: they frolicked about like +two dolphins, though Hobbes must have been as old as the hills; and +"in those intervals wherein they abstained from swimming and plunging +themselves," [i.e., diving,] "they discoursed of many things relating to +the Baths of the Ancients, and the Origine of Springs. When they had in +this manner passed away an hour, they stepped out of the bath; and, having +dried and cloathed themselves, they sate down in expectation of such a +supper as the place afforded; designing to refresh themselves like the +_Deipnosophilae_, and rather to reason than to drink profoundly. But in this +innocent intention they were interrupted by the disturbance arising from a +little quarrel, in which some of the ruder people in the house were for a +short time engaged. At this Mr. Hobbes seemed much concerned, though he was +at some distance from the persons." And why was he concerned, gentlemen? +No doubt you fancy, from, some benign and disinterested love of peace and +harmony, worthy of an old man and a philosopher. But listen--"For a while +he was not composed, but related it once or twice as to himself, with a +low and careful tone, how Sextus Roscius was murthered after supper by +the Balneae Palatinae. Of such general extent is that remark of Cicero, in +relation to Epicurus the Atheist, of whom he observed that he of all men +dreaded most those things which he contemned--Death and the Gods." Merely +because it was supper time, and in the neighborhood of a bath, Mr. Hobbes +must have the fate of Sextus Roscius. What logic was there in this, unless +to a man who was always dreaming of murder? Here was Leviathan, no +longer afraid of the daggers of English cavaliers or French clergy, but +"frightened from his propriety" by a row in an ale-house between some +honest clod-hoppers of Derbyshire, whom his own gaunt scare-crow of a +person that belonged to quite another century, would have frightened out of +their wits. + +Malebranche, it will give you pleasure to hear, was murdered. The man who +murdered him is well known: it was Bishop Berkeley. The story is familiar, +though hitherto not put in a proper light. Berkeley, when a young man, went +to Paris and called on Pere Malebranche. He found him in his cell cooking. +Cooks have ever been a _genus irritabile_; authors still more so: +Malebranche was both: a dispute arose; the old father, warm already, became +warmer; culinary and metaphysical irritations united to derange his liver: +he took to his bed, and died. Such is the common version of the story: +"So the whole ear of Denmark is abused." The fact is, that the matter was +hushed up, out of consideration for Berkeley, who (as Pope remarked) had +"every virtue under heaven:" else it was well known that Berkeley, feeling +himself nettled by the waspishness of the old Frenchman, squared at him; a +_turn-up_ was the consequence: Malebranche was floored in the first round; +the conceit was wholly taken out of him; and he would perhaps have given +in; but Berkeley's blood was now up, and he insisted on the old Frenchman's +retracting his doctrine of Occasional Causes. The vanity of the man was too +great for this; and he fell a sacrifice to the impetuosity of Irish youth, +combined with his own absurd obstinacy. + +Leibnitz, being every way superior to Malebranche, one might, _a fortiori_, +have counted on _his_ being murdered; which, however, was not the case. I +believe he was nettled at this neglect, and felt himself insulted by the +security in which he passed his days. In no other way can I explain +his conduct at the latter end of his life, when he chose to grow very +avaricious, and to hoard up large sums of gold, which he kept in his +own house. This was at Vienna, where he died; and letters are still in +existence, describing the immeasurable anxiety which he entertained for his +throat. Still his ambition, for being _attempted_ at least, was so +great, that he would not forego the danger. A late English pedagogue, of +Birmingham manufacture, viz., Dr. Parr, took a more selfish course, under +the same circumstances. He had amassed a considerable quantity of gold and +silver plate, which was for some time deposited in his bed-room at his +parsonage house, Hatton. But growing every day more afraid of being +murdered, which he knew that he could not stand, (and to which, indeed, he +never had the slightest pretension,) he transferred the whole to the Hatton +blacksmith; conceiving, no doubt, that the murder of a blacksmith would +fall more lightly on the _salus reipublicae_, than that of a pedagogue. But +I have heard this greatly disputed; and it seems now generally agreed, that +one good horse-shoe is worth about 2 1/4 Spital sermons. + +As Leibnitz, though not murdered, may be said to have died, partly of +the fear that he should be murdered, and partly of vexation that he was +not,--Kant, on the other hand--who had no ambition in that way--had a +narrower escape from a murderer than any man we read of, except Des Cartes. +So absurdly does fortune throw about her favors! The case is told, I think, +in an anonymous life of this very great man. For health's sake, Kant +imposed upon himself, at one time, a walk of six miles every day along a +highroad. This fact becoming known to a man who had his private reasons for +committing murder, at the third milestone from Koenigsberg, he waited for +his "intended," who came up to time as duly as a mail-coach. But for an +accident, Kant was a dead man. However, on considerations of "morality," it +happened that the murderer preferred a little child, whom he saw playing in +the road, to the old transcendentalist: this child he murdered; and thus it +happened that Kant escaped. Such is the German account of the matter; but +my opinion is--that the murderer was an amateur, who felt how little would +be gained to the cause of good taste by murdering an old, arid, and adust +metaphysician; there was no room for display, as the man could not possibly +look more like a mummy when dead, than he had done alive. + +Thus, gentlemen, I have traced the connection between philosophy and our +art, until insensibly I find that I have wandered into our own era. This I +shall not take any pains to characterize apart from that which preceded +it, for, in fact, they have no distinct character. The seventeenth and +eighteenth centuries, together with so much of the nineteenth as we have +yet seen, jointly compose the Augustan age of murder. The finest work of +the seventeenth century is, unquestionably, the murder of Sir Edmondbury +Godfrey, which has my entire approbation. At the same time, it must be +observed, that the quantity of murder was not great in this century, at +least amongst our own artists; which, perhaps, is attributable to the want +of enlightened patronage. _Sint Maecenates, non deerunt, Flacce, Marones_. +Consulting Grant's "Observations on the Bills of Mortality," (4th edition, +Oxford, 1665,) I find, that out of 229,250, who died in London during one +period of twenty years in the seventeenth century, not more than eighty-six +were murdered; that is, about four three-tenths per annum. A small number +this, gentlemen, to found an academy upon; and certainly, where the +quantity is so small, we have a right to expect that the quality should be +first-rate. Perhaps it was; yet, still I am of opinion that the best artist +in this century was not equal to the best in that which followed. For +instance, however praiseworthy the case of Sir Edmondbury Godfrey may be +(and nobody can be more sensible of its merits than I am), still I cannot +consent to place it on a level with that of Mrs. Ruscombe of Bristol, +either as to originality of design, or boldness and breadth of style. This +good lady's murder took place early in the reign of George III., a reign +which was notoriously favorable to the arts generally. She lived in College +Green, with a single maid-servant, neither of them having any pretension +to the notice of history but what they derived from the great artist whose +workmanship I am recording. One fine morning, when all Bristol was alive +and in motion, some suspicion arising, the neighbors forced an entrance +into the house, and found Mrs. Ruscombe murdered in her bed-room, and the +servant murdered on the stairs: this was at noon; and, not more than two +hours before, both mistress and servant had been seen alive. To the best of +my remembrance, this was in 1764; upwards of sixty years, therefore, have +now elapsed, and yet the artist is still undiscovered. The suspicions of +posterity have settled upon two pretenders--a baker and a chimney-sweeper. +But posterity is wrong; no unpractised artist could have conceived so bold +an idea as that of a noon-day murder in the heart of a great city. It was +no obscure baker, gentlemen, or anonymous chimney-sweeper, be assured, that +executed this work. I know who it was. (_Here there was a general buzz, +which at length broke out into open applause; upon which the lecturer +blushed, and went on with much earnestness_.) For Heaven's sake, gentlemen, +do not mistake me; it was not I that did it. I have not the vanity to think +myself equal to any such achievement; be assured that you greatly overrate +my poor talents; Mrs. Ruscombe's affair was far beyond my slender +abilities. But I came to know who the artist was, from a celebrated +surgeon, who assisted at his dissection. This gentleman had a private +museum in the way of his profession, one corner of which was occupied by a +cast from a man of remarkably fine proportions. + +"That," said the surgeon, "is a cast from the celebrated Lancashire +highwayman, who concealed his profession for some time from his neighbors, +by drawing woollen stockings over his horse's legs, and in that way +muffling the clatter which he must else have made in riding up a flagged +alley that led to his stable. At the time of his execution for highway +robbery, I was studying under Cruickshank: and the man's figure was +so uncommonly fine, that no money or exertion was spared to get into +possession of him with the least possible delay. By the connivance of the +under-sheriff he was cut down within the legal time, and instantly put into +a chaise and four; so that, when he reached Cruickshank's he was positively +not dead. Mr. ----, a young student at that time, had the honor of giving +him the _coup de grace_, and finishing the sentence of the law." This +remarkable anecdote, which seemed to imply that all the gentlemen in the +dissecting-room were amateurs of our class, struck me a good deal; and I +was repeating it one day to a Lancashire lady, who thereupon informed me, +that she had herself lived in the neighborhood of that highwayman, and well +remembered two circumstances, which combined, in the opinion of all his +neighbors, to fix upon him the credit of Mrs. Ruscombe's affair. One was, +the fact of his absence for a whole fortnight at the period of that murder: +the other, that, within a very little time after, the neighborhood of this +highwayman was deluged with dollars: now Mrs. Ruscombe was known to have +hoarded about two thousand of that coin. Be the artist, however, who he +might, the affair remains a durable monument of his genius; for such was +the impression of awe, and the sense of power left behind, by the strength +of conception manifested in this murder, that no tenant (as I was told in +1810) had been found up to that time for Mrs. Ruscombe's house. + +But, whilst I thus eulogize the Ruscombian case, let me not be supposed to +overlook the many other specimens of extraordinary merit spread over the +face of this century. Such cases, indeed, as that of Miss Bland, or of +Captain Donnellan, and Sir Theophilus Boughton, shall never have any +countenance from me. Fie on these dealers in poison, say I: can they not +keep to the old honest way of cutting throats, without introducing such +abominable innovations from Italy? I consider all these poisoning cases, +compared with the legitimate style, as no better than wax-work by the side +of sculpture, or a lithographic print by the side of a fine Volpato. But, +dismissing these, there remain many excellent works of art in a pure style, +such as nobody need be ashamed to own, as every candid connoisseur will +admit. _Candid_, observe, I say; for great allowances must be made in +these cases; no artist can ever be sure of carrying through his own fine +preconception. Awkward disturbances will arise; people will not submit to +have their throats cut quietly; they will run, they will kick, they will +bite; and whilst the portrait painter often has to complain of too much +torpor in his subject, the artist, in our line, is generally embarrassed by +too much animation. At the same time, however disagreeable to the artist, +this tendency in murder to excite and irritate the subject, is certainly +one of its advantages to the world in general, which we ought not to +overlook, since it favors the development of latent talent. Jeremy Taylor +notices with admiration, the extraordinary leaps which people will take +under the influence of fear. There was a striking instance of this in the +recent case of the M'Keands; the boy cleared a height, such as he will +never clear again to his dying day. Talents also of the most brilliant +description for thumping, and indeed for all the gymnastic exercises, +have sometimes been developed by the panic which accompanies our artists; +talents else buried and hid under a bushel to the possessors, as much as to +their friends. I remember an interesting illustration of this fact, in a +case which I learned in Germany. + +Riding one day in the neighborhood of Munich, I overtook a distinguished +amateur of our society, whose name I shall conceal. This gentleman informed +me that, finding himself wearied with the frigid pleasures (so he +called them) of mere amateurship, he had quitted England for the +continent--meaning to practise a little professionally. For this purpose +he resorted to Germany, conceiving the police in that part of Europe to be +more heavy and drowsy than elsewhere. His _debut_ as a practitioner took +place at Mannheim; and, knowing me to be a brother amateur, he freely +communicated the whole of his maiden adventure. "Opposite to my lodging," +said he, "lived a baker: he was somewhat of a miser, and lived quite alone. +Whether it were his great expanse of chalky face, or what else, I know +not--but the fact was, I 'fancied' him, and resolved to commence business +upon his throat, which by the way he always carried bare--a fashion which +is very irritating to my desires. Precisely at eight o'clock in the +evening, I observed that he regularly shut up his windows. One night I +watched him when thus engaged--bolted in after him--locked the door--and, +addressing him with great suavity, acquainted him with the nature of my +errand; at the same time advising him to make no resistance, which would be +mutually unpleasant. So saying, I drew out my tools; and was proceeding to +operate. But at this spectacle, the baker, who seemed to have been struck +by catalepsy at my first announce, awoke into tremendous agitation. 'I will +_not_ be murdered!' he shrieked aloud; 'what for will I lose my precious +throat?' 'What for?' said I; 'if for no other reason, for this--that you +put alum into your bread. But no matter, alum or no alum, (for I was +resolved to forestall any argument on that point,) know that I am a +virtuoso in the art of murder--am desirous of improving myself in its +details--and am enamored of your vast surface of throat, to which I am +determined to be a customer.' 'Is it so?' said he, 'but I'll find you +custom in another line;' and so saying, he threw himself into a boxing +attitude. The very idea of his boxing struck me as ludicrous. It is true, +a London baker had distinguished himself in the ring, and became known +to fame under the title of the Master of the Rolls; but he was young and +unspoiled: whereas this man was a monstrous feather-bed in person, fifty +years old, and totally out of condition. Spite of all this, however, and +contending against me, who am a master in the art, he made so desperate a +defence, that many times I feared he might turn the tables upon me; +and that I, an amateur, might be murdered by a rascally baker. What a +situation! Minds of sensibility will sympathize with my anxiety. How severe +it was, you may understand by this, that for the first thirteen rounds the +baker had the advantage. Round the fourteenth, I received a blow on +the right eye, which closed it up; in the end, I believe, this was my +salvation: for the anger it roused in me was so great that, in this and +every one of the three following rounds, I floored the baker. + +"Round 18th. The baker came up piping, and manifestly the worse for wear. +His geometrical exploits in the four last rounds had done him no good. +However, he showed some skill in stopping a message which I was sending to +his cadaverous mug; in delivering which, my foot slipped, and I went down. + +"Round 19th. Surveying the baker, I became ashamed of having been so +much bothered by a shapeless mass of dough; and I went in fiercely, +and administered some severe punishment. A rally took place--both went +down--baker undermost--ten to three on amateur. + +"Round 20th. The baker jumped up with surprising agility; indeed, he +managed his pins capitally, and fought wonderfully, considering that he was +drenched in perspiration; but the shine was now taken out of him, and his +game was the mere effect of panic. It was now clear that he could not last +much longer. In the course of this round we tried the weaving system, in +which I had greatly the advantage, and hit him repeatedly on the conk. +My reason for this was, that his conk was covered with carbuncles; and I +thought I should vex him by taking such liberties with his conk, which in +fact I did. + +"The three next rounds, the master of the rolls staggered about like a cow +on the ice. Seeing how matters stood, in round twenty-fourth I whispered +something into his ear, which sent him down like a shot. It was nothing +more than my private opinion of the value of his throat at an annuity +office. This little confidential whisper affected him greatly; the very +perspiration was frozen on his face, and for the next two rounds I had it +all my own way. And when I called _time_ for the twenty-seventh round, he +lay like a log on the floor." + +After which, said I to the amateur, "It may be presumed that you +accomplished your purpose." "You are right," said he mildly, "I did; and a +great satisfaction, you know, it was to my mind, for by this means I killed +two birds with one stone;" meaning that he had both thumped the baker and +murdered him. Now, for the life of me, I could not see _that_; for, on the +contrary, to my mind it appeared that he had taken two stones to kill one +bird, having been obliged to take the conceit out of him first with his +fist, and then with his tools. But no matter for his logic. The moral of +his story was good, for it showed what an astonishing stimulus to latent +talent is contained in any reasonable prospect of being murdered. A +pursy, unwieldy, half cataleptic baker of Mannheim had absolutely fought +six-and-twenty rounds with an accomplished English boxer merely upon this +inspiration; so greatly was natural genius exalted and sublimed by the +genial presence of his murderer. + +Really, gentlemen, when one hears of such things as these, it becomes a +duty, perhaps, a little to soften that extreme asperity with which most +men speak of murder. To hear people talk, you would suppose that all the +disadvantages and inconveniences were on the side of being murdered, and +that there were none at all in _not_ being murdered. But considerate men +think otherwise. "Certainly," says Jeremy Taylor, "it is a less temporal +evil to fall by the rudeness of a sword than the violence of a fever: and +the axe" (to which he might have added the ship-carpenter's mallet and the +crow-bar) "a much less affliction than a strangury." Very true; the +bishop talks like a wise man and an amateur, as he is; and another great +philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, was equally above the vulgar prejudices on +this subject. He declares it to be one of "the noblest functions of reason +to know whether it is time to walk out of the world or not." (Book III., +Collers' Translation.) No sort of knowledge being rarer than this, surely +_that_ man must be a most philanthropic character, who undertakes to +instruct people in this branch of knowledge gratis, and at no little hazard +to himself. All this, however, I throw out only in the way of speculation +to future moralists; declaring in the meantime my own private conviction, +that very few men commit murder upon philanthropic or patriotic principles, +and repeating what I have already said once at least--that, as to the +majority of murderers, they are very incorrect characters. + +With respect to Williams's murders, the sublimest and most entire in their +excellence that ever were committed, I shall not allow myself to speak +incidentally. Nothing less than an entire lecture, or even an entire course +of lectures, would suffice to expound their merits. But one curious fact, +connected with his case, I shall mention, because it seems to imply that +the blaze of his genius absolutely dazzled the eye of criminal justice. You +all remember, I doubt not, that the instruments with which he executed his +first great work, (the murder of the Marrs,) were a ship-carpenter's mallet +and a knife. Now the mallet belonged to an old Swede, one John Petersen, +and bore his initials. This instrument Williams left behind him, in Marr's +house, and it fell into the hands of the magistrates. Now, gentlemen, it +is a fact that the publication of this circumstance of the initials led +immediately to the apprehension of Williams, and, if made earlier, would +have prevented his second great work, (the murder of the Williamsons,) +which took place precisely twelve days after. But the magistrates kept back +this fact from the public for the entire twelve days, and until that second +work was accomplished. That finished, they published it, apparently feeling +that Williams had now done enough for his fame, and that his glory was at +length placed beyond the reach of accident. + +As to Mr. Thurtell's case, I know not what to say. Naturally, I have every +disposition to think highly of my predecessor in the chair of this society; +and I acknowledge that his lectures were unexceptionable. But, speaking +ingenuously, I do really think that his principal performance, as an +artist, has been much overrated. I admit that at first I was myself carried +away by the general enthusiasm. On the morning when the murder was made +known in London, there was the fullest meeting of amateurs that I have ever +known since the days of Williams; old bed-ridden connoisseurs, who had got +into a peevish way of sneering and complaining "that there was nothing +doing," now hobbled down to our club-room: such hilarity, such benign +expression of general satisfaction, I have rarely witnessed. On every side +you saw people shaking hands, congratulating each other, and forming +dinner parties for the evening; and nothing was to be heard but triumphant +challenges of--"Well! will _this_ do?" "Is _this_ the right thing?" "Are +you satisfied at last?" But, in the midst of this, I remember we all +grew silent on hearing the old cynical amateur, L. S----, that _laudator +temporis acti_, stumping along with his wooden leg; he entered the room +with his usual scowl, and, as he advanced, he continued to growl and +stutter the whole way--"Not an original idea in the whole piece--mere +plagiarism,--base plagiarism from hints that I threw out! Besides, his +style is as hard as Albert Durer, and as coarse as Fuseli." Many thought +that this was mere jealousy, and general waspishness; but I confess that, +when the first glow of enthusiasm had subsided, I have found most judicious +critics to agree that there was something _falsetto_ in the style of +Thurtell. The fact is, he was a member of our society, which naturally gave +a friendly bias to our judgments; and his person was universally familiar +to the cockneys, which gave him, with the whole London public, a temporary +popularity, that his pretensions are not capable of supporting; for +_opinionum commenta delet dies, naturae judicia confirmat_. There was, +however, an unfinished design of Thurtell's for the murder of a man with a +pair of dumb-bells, which I admired greatly; it was a mere outline, that he +never completed; but to my mind it seemed every way superior to his chief +work. I remember that there was great regret expressed by some amateurs +that this sketch should have been left in an unfinished state: but there +I cannot agree with them; for the fragments and first bold outlines of +original artists have often a felicity about them which is apt to vanish in +the management of the details. + +The case of the M'Keands I consider far beyond the vaunted performance of +Thurtell,--indeed above all praise; and bearing that relation, in fact, to +the immortal works of Williams, which the AEneid bears to the Iliad. + +But it is now time that I should say a few words about the principles of +murder, not with a view to regulate your practice, but your judgment: as +to old women, and the mob of newspaper readers, they are pleased with +anything, provided it is bloody enough. But the mind of sensibility +requires something more. _First_, then, let us speak of the kind of person +who is adapted to the purpose of the murderer; _secondly_, of the place +where; _thirdly_, of the time when, and other little circumstances. + +As to the person, I suppose it is evident that he ought to be a good man; +because, if he were not, he might himself, by possibility, be contemplating +murder at the very time; and such "diamond-cut-diamond" tussles, though +pleasant enough where nothing better is stirring, are really not what a +critic can allow himself to call murders. I could mention some people (I +name no names) who have been murdered by other people in a dark lane; and +so far all seemed correct enough; but, on looking farther into the matter, +the public have become aware that the murdered party was himself, at the +moment, planning to rob his murderer, at the least, and possibly to murder +him, if he had been strong enough. Whenever that is the case, or may be +thought to be the case, farewell to all the genuine effects of the art. For +the final purpose of murder, considered as a fine art, is precisely the +same as that of tragedy, in Aristotle's account of it, viz., "to cleanse +the heart by means of pity and terror." Now, terror there may be, but how +can there be any pity for one tiger destroyed by another tiger? + +It is also evident that the person selected ought not to be a public +character. For instance, no judicious artist would have attempted to murder +Abraham Newland. For the case was this; everybody read so much about +Abraham Newland, and so few people ever saw him, that there was a fixed +belief that he was an abstract idea. And I remember that once, when I +happened to mention that I had dined at a coffee-house in company with +Abraham Newland, everybody looked scornfully at me, as though I had +pretended to have played at billiards with Prester John, or to have had an +affair of honor with the Pope. And, by the way, the Pope would be a very +improper person to murder: for he has such a virtual ubiquity as the father +of Christendom, and, like the cuckoo, is so often heard but never seen, +that I suspect most people regard _him_ also as an abstract idea. Where, +indeed, a public character is in the habit of giving dinners, "with every +delicacy of the season," the case is very different: every person is +satisfied that _he_ is no abstract idea; and, therefore, there can be no +impropriety in murdering him; only that his murder will fall into the class +of assassinations, which I have not yet treated. + +_Thirdly_. The subject chosen ought to be in good health: for it is +absolutely barbarous to murder a sick person, who is usually quite unable +to bear it. On this principle, no cockney ought to be chosen who is above +twenty-five, for after that age he is sure to be dyspeptic. Or at least, if +a man will hunt in that warren, he ought to murder a couple at one time; if +the cockneys chosen should be tailors, he will of course think it his duty, +on the old established equation, to murder eighteen. And, here, in this +attention to the comfort of sick people, you will observe the usual effect +of a fine art to soften and refine the feelings. The world in general, +gentlemen, are very bloody-minded; and all they want in a murder is a +copious effusion of blood; gaudy display in this point is enough for +_them_. But the enlightened connoisseur is more refined in his taste; +and from our art, as from all the other liberal arts when thoroughly +cultivated, the result is--to improve and to humanize the heart; so true is +it, that-- + + ----"Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes, + Emollit mores, nec sinit esse feros." + +A philosophic friend, well known for his philanthropy and general +benignity, suggests that the subject chosen ought also to have a family of +young children wholly dependent on his exertions, by way of deepening the +pathos. And, undoubtedly, this is a judicious caution. Yet I would not +insist too keenly on this condition. Severe good taste unquestionably +demands it; but still, where the man was otherwise unobjectionable in point +of morals and health, I would not look with too curious a jealousy to a +restriction which might have the effect of narrowing the artist's sphere. + +So much for the person. As to the time, the place, and the tools, I have +many things to say, which at present I have no room for. The good sense of +the practitioner has usually directed him to night and privacy. Yet +there have not been wanting cases where this rule was departed from with +excellent effect. In respect to time, Mrs. Ruscombe's case is a beautiful +exception, which I have already noticed; and in respect both to time and +place, there is a fine exception in the annals of Edinburgh, (year 1805,) +familiar to every child in Edinburgh, but which has unaccountably been +defrauded of its due portion of fame amongst English amateurs. The case +I mean is that of a porter to one of the banks, who was murdered whilst +carrying a bag of money, in broad daylight, on turning out of the High +Street, one of the most public streets in Europe, and the murderer is to +this hour undiscovered. + + "Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tcmpus, + Singula dum capti circumvectamur amore." + +And now, gentlemen, in conclusion, let me again solemnly disclaim all +pretensions on my own part to the character of a professional man. I never +attempted any murder in my life, except in the year 1801, upon the body of +a tom-cat; and _that_ turned out differently from my intention. My +purpose, I own, was downright murder. "Semper ego auditor tantum?" said I, +"nunquamne reponam?" And I went down stairs in search of Tom at one o'clock +on a dark night, with the "animus," and no doubt with the fiendish looks, +of a murderer. But when I found him, he was in the act of plundering the +pantry of bread and other things. Now this gave a new turn to the affair; +for the time being one of general scarcity, when even Christians were +reduced to the use of potato-bread, rice-bread, and all sorts of things, it +was downright treason in a tom-cat to be wasting good wheaten-bread in the +way he was doing. It instantly became a patriotic duty to put him to death; +and as I raised aloft and shook the glittering steel, I fancied myself +rising like Brutus, effulgent from a crowd of patriots, and, as I stabbed +him, I + + "called aloud on Tully's name, + And bade the father of his country hail!" + +Since then, what wandering thoughts I may have had of attempting the life +of an ancient ewe, of a superannuated hen, and such "small deer," are +locked up in the secrets of my own breast; but for the higher departments +of the art, I confess myself to be utterly unfit. My ambition does not rise +so high. No, gentlemen, in the words of Horace, + + "---fungos vice cotis, excutum + Reddere ere quae ferrum valet, exsors ipsa secandi." + + + + +SECOND PAPER ON MURDER, + +CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. + + +DOCTOR NORTH: You are a liberal man: liberal in the true classical sense, +not in the slang sense of modern politicians and education-mongers. Being +so, I am sure that you will sympathize with my case. I am an ill-used man, +Dr. North--particularly ill used; and, with your permission, I will briefly +explain how. A black scene of calumny will be laid open; but you, Doctor, +will make all things square again. One frown from you, directed to the +proper quarter, or a warning shake of the crutch, will set me right in +public opinion, which at present, I am sorry to say, is rather hostile to +me and mine--all owing to the wicked arts of slanderers. But you shall +hear. + +A good many years ago you may remember that I came forward in the character +of a _dilettante_ in murder. Perhaps _dilettante_ may be too strong a word. +_Connoisseur_ is better suited to the scruples and infirmity of public +taste. I suppose there is no harm in _that_ at least. A man is not bound +to put his eyes, ears, and understanding into his breeches pocket when he +meets with a murder. If he is not in a downright comatose state, I suppose +he must see that one murder is better or worse than another in point of +good taste. Murders have their little differences and shades of merit as +well as statues, pictures, oratorios, cameos, intaglios, or what not. You +may be angry with the man for talking too much, or too publicly, (as to the +too much, that I deny--a man can never cultivate his taste too highly;) but +you must allow him to think, at any rate; and you, Doctor, you think, I am +sure, both deeply and correctly on the subject. Well, would you believe it? +all my neighbors came to hear of that little aesthetic essay which you had +published; and, unfortunately, hearing at the very same time of a club that +I as connected with, and a dinner at which I presided--both tending to the +same little object as the essay, viz., the diffusion of a just taste among +her majesty's subjects, they got up the most barbarous calumnies against +me. In particular, they said that I, or that the club, which comes to the +same thing, had offered bounties on well conducted homicides--with a scale +of drawbacks, in case of any one defect or flaw, according to a table +issued to private friends. Now, Doctor, I'll tell you the whole truth about +the dinner and the club, and you'll see how malicious the world is. But +first let me tell you, confidentially, what my real principles are upon the +matters in question. + +As to murder, I never committed one in my life. It's a well known thing +amongst all my friends. I can get a paper to certify as much, signed by +lots of people. Indeed, if you come to that, I doubt whether many +people could produce as strong a certificate. Mine would be as big as a +table-cloth. There is indeed one member of the club, who pretends to say +that he caught me once making too free with his throat on a club night, +after every body else had retired. But, observe, he shuffles in his story +according to his state of civilation. When not far gone, he contents +himself with saying that he caught me ogling his throat; and that I was +melancholy for some weeks after, and that my voice sounded in a way +expressing, to the nice ear of a connoisseur, _the sense of opportunities +lost_--but the club all know that he's a disappointed man himself, and that +he speaks querulously at times about the fatal neglect of a man's coming +abroad without his tools. Besides, all this is an affair between two +amateurs, and every body makes allowances for little asperities +and sorenesses in such a case. "But," say you, "If no murderer, my +correspondent may have encouraged, or even have bespoke a murder." No, upon +my honor--nothing of the kind. And that was the very point I wished to +argue for your satisfaction. The truth is, I am a very particular man in +everything relating to murder; and perhaps I carry my delicacy too far. The +Stagyrite most justly, and possibly with a view to my case, placed virtue +in the [Greek: to meson] or middle point between two extremes. A golden +mean is certainly what every man should aim at. But it is easier talking +than doing; and, my infirmity being notoriously too much milkiness of +heart, I find it difficult to maintain that steady equatorial line between +the two poles of too much murder on the one hand, and too little on the +other. I am too soft--Doctor, too soft; and people get excused through +me--nay, go through life without an attempt made upon them, that ought not +to be excused. I believe if I had the management of things, there would +hardly be a murder from year's end to year's end. In fact I'm for virtue, +and goodness, and all that sort of thing. And two instances I'll give you +to what an extremity I carry my virtue. The first may seem a trifle; but +not if you knew my nephew, who was certainly born to be hanged, and would +have been so long ago, but for my restraining voice. He is horribly +ambitious, and thinks himself a man of cultivated taste in most branches of +murder, whereas, in fact, he has not one idea on the subject, but such +as he has stolen from me. This is so well known, that the club has twice +blackballed him, though every indulgence was shown to him as my relative. +People came to me and said--"Now really, President, we would do much to +serve a relative of yours. But still, what can be said? You know yourself +that he'll disgrace us. If we were to elect him, why, the next thing we +should hear of would be some vile butcherly murder, by way of justifying +our choice. And what sort of a concern would it be? You know, as well as we +do, that it would be a disgraceful affair, more worthy of the shambles than +of an artist's _attelier_. He would fall upon some great big man, some huge +farmer returning drunk from a fair. There would be plenty of blood, and +_that_ he would expect us to take in lieu of taste, finish, scenical +grouping. Then, again, how would he tool? Why, most probably with a cleaver +and a couple of paving stones: so that the whole _coup d'oeil_ would remind +you rather of some hideous ogre or cyclops, than of the delicate operator +of the nineteenth century." The picture was drawn with the hand of truth; +_that_ I could not but allow, and, as to personal feelings in the matter, I +dismissed them from the first. The next morning I spoke to my nephew--I was +delicately situated, as you see, but I determined that no consideration +should induce me to flinch from my duty. "John," said I, "you seem to me to +have taken an erroneous view of life and its duties. Pushed on by ambition, +you are dreaming rather of what it might be glorious to attempt, than what +it would be possible for you to accomplish. Believe me, it is not necessary +to a man's respectability that he should commit a murder. Many a man has +passed through life most respectably, without attempting any species of +homicide--good, bad, or indifferent. It is your first duty to ask yourself, +_quid valeant humeri, quid ferre recusent_? we cannot all be brilliant men +in this life. And it is for your interest to be contented rather with a +humble station well filled, than to shock every body with failures, the +more conspicuous by contrast with the ostentation of their promises." John +made no answer, he looked very sulky at the moment, and I am in high +hopes that I have saved a near relation from making a fool of himself by +attempting what is as much beyond his capacity as an epic poem. Others, +however, tell me that he is meditating a revenge upon me and the whole +club. But let this be as it may, _liberavi animam meam_; and, as you see, +have run some risk with a wish to diminish the amount of homicide. But the +other case still more forcibly illustrates my virtue. A man came to me as +a candidate for the place of my servant, just then vacant. He had the +reputation of having dabbled a little in our art; some said not without +merit. What startled me, however, was, that he supposed this art to be +part of his regular duties in my service. Now that was a thing I would not +allow; so I said at once, "Richard (or James, as the case might be,) you +misunderstand my character. If a man will and must practise this difficult +(and allow me to add, dangerous) branch of art--if he has an overruling +genius for it, why, he might as well pursue his studies whilst living in my +service as in another's. And also, I may observe, that it can do no harm +either to himself or to the subject on whom he operates, that he should +be guided by men of more taste than himself. Genius may do much, but long +study of the art must always entitle a man to offer advice. So far I will +go--general principles I will suggest. But as to any particular case, once +for all I will have nothing to do with it. Never tell me of any special +work of art you are meditating--I set my face against it _in toto_. For if +once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think +little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and +Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once +begin upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many +a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought +little of at the time. _Principiis obsta_--that's my rule." Such was my +speech, and I have always acted up to it; so if that is not being virtuous, +I should be glad to know what is. But now about the dinner and the club. +The club was not particularly of my creation; it arose pretty much as other +similar associations, for the propagation of truth and the communication of +new ideas, rather from the necessities of things than upon any one man's +suggestion. As to the dinner, if any man more than another could be held +responsible for that, it was a member known amongst us by the name of +_Toad-in-the-hole_. He was so called from his gloomy misanthropical +disposition, which led him into constant disparagements of all modern +murders as vicious abortions, belonging to no authentic school of art. The +finest performances of our own age he snarled at cynically; and at length +this querulous humor grew upon him so much, and he became so notorious as a +_laudator tentporis acti_, that few people cared to seek his society. This +made him still more fierce and truculent. He went about muttering and +growling; wherever you met him he was soliloquizing and saying, "despicable +pretender--without grouping--without two ideas upon handling--without"--and +there you lost him. At length existence seemed to be painful to him; +he rarely spoke, he seemed conversing with phantoms in the air, his +housekeeper informed us that his reading was nearly confined to _God's +Revenge upon Murder_, by Reynolds, and a more ancient book of the same +title, noticed by Sir Walter Scott in his _Fortunes of Nigel_. Sometimes, +perhaps, he might read in the Newgate Calendar down to the year 1788, but +he never looked into a book more recent. In fact, he had a theory with +regard to the French Revolution, as having been the great cause of +degeneration in murder. "Very soon, sir," he used to say, "men will have +lost the art of killing poultry: the very rudiments of the art will +have perished!" In the year 1811 he retired from general society. +Toad-in-the-hole was no more seen in any public resort. We missed him from +his wonted haunts--nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he. By the side of +the main conduit his listless length at noontide he would stretch, and pore +upon the filth that muddled by. "Even dogs are not what they were, sir--not +what they should be. I remember in my grandfather's time that some dogs had +an idea of murder. I have known a mastiff lie in ambush for a rival, sir, +and murder him with pleasing circumstances of good taste. Yes, sir, I knew +a tom-cat that was an assassin. But now"--and then, the subject growing too +painful, he dashed his hand to his forehead, and went off abruptly in a +homeward direction towards his favorite conduit, where he was seen by an +amateur in such a state that he thought it dangerous to address him. Soon +after he shut himself entirely up; it was understood that he had resigned +himself to melancholy; and at length the prevailing notion was, that +Toad-in-the-hole had hanged himself. + +The world was wrong _there_, as it has been on some other questions. +Toad-in-the-hole might be sleeping, but dead he was not; and of that we +soon had ocular proof. One morning in 1812, an amateur surprised us with +the news that he had seen Toad-in-the-hole brushing with hasty steps the +dews away to meet the postman by the conduit side. Even that was something: +how much more, to hear that he had shaved his beard--had laid aside his +sad-colored clothes, and was adorned like a bridegroom of ancient days. +What could be the meaning of all this? Was Toad-in-the-hole mad? or how? +Soon after the secret was explained--in more than a figurative sense +"the murder was out." For in came the London morning papers, by which +it appeared that but three days before a murder, the most superb of the +century by many degrees had occurred in the heart of London. I need hardly +say, that this was the great exterminating _chef-d'oeuvre_ of Williams at +Mr. Marr's, No. 29, Ratcliffe Highway. That was the _debut_ of the artist; +at least for anything the public knew. What occurred at Mr. Williamson's +twelve nights afterwards--the second work turned out from the same +chisel--some people pronounced even superior. But Toad-in-the-hole always +"reclaimed"--he was even angry at comparisons. "This vulgar _gout de +comparaison_, as La Bruyere calls it," he would often remark, "will be +our ruin; each work has its own separate characteristics--each in and for +itself is incomparable. One, perhaps, might suggest the _Iliad_--the other +the _Odyssey_: what do you get by such comparisons? Neither ever was, or +will be surpassed; and when you've talked for hours, you must still come +back to that." Vain, however, as all criticism might be, he often said that +volumes might be written on each case for itself; and he even proposed to +publish in quarto on the subject. + +Meantime, how had Toad-in-the-hole happened to hear of this great work +of art so early in the morning? He had received an account by express, +dispatched by a correspondent in London, who watched the progress of art On +_Toady's_ behalf, with a general commission to send off a special express, +at whatever cost, in the event of any estimable works appearing--how much +more upon occasion of a _ne plus ultra_ in art! The express arrived in the +night-time; Toad-in-the-hole was then gone to bed; he had been muttering +and grumbling for hours, but of course he was called up. On reading the +account, he threw his arms round the express, called him his brother and +his preserver; settled a pension upon him for three lives, and expressed +his regret at not having it in his power to knight him. We, on our part--we +amateurs, I mean--having heard that he was abroad, and therefore had _not_ +hanged himself, made sure of soon seeing him amongst us. Accordingly he +soon arrived, knocked over the porter on his road to the reading-room; he +seized every man's hand as he passed him--wrung it almost frantically, and +kept ejaculating, "Why, now here's something like a murder!--this is the +real thing--this is genuine--this is what you can approve, can recommend to +a friend: this--says every man, on reflection--this is the thing that ought +to be!" Then, looking at particular friends, he said--"Why, Jack, how are +you? Why, Tom, how are you? Bless me, you look ten years younger than +when I last saw you." "No, sir," I replied, "It is you who look ten years +younger." "Do I? well, I should'nt wonder if I did; such works are +enough to make us all young." And in fact the general opinion is, that +Toad-in-the-hole would have died but for this regeneration of art, which +he called a second age of Leo the Tenth; and it was our duty, he said +solemnly, to commemorate it. At present, and _en attendant_--rather as an +occasion for a public participation in public sympathy, than as in itself +any commensurate testimony of our interest--he proposed that the club +should meet and dine together. A splendid public dinner, therefore, was +given by the club; to which all amateurs were invited from a distance of +one hundred miles. + +Of this dinner there are ample short-hand notes amongst the archives of +the club. But they are not "extended," to speak diplomatically; and the +reporter is missing--I believe, murdered. Meantime, in years long after +that day, and on an occasion perhaps equally interesting, viz., the turning +up of Thugs and Thuggism, another dinner was given. Of this I myself kept +notes, for fear of another accident to the short-hand reporter. And I here +subjoin them. Toad-in-the-hole, I must mention, was present at this dinner. +In fact, it was one of its sentimental incidents. Being as old as the +valleys at the dinner of 1812, naturally he was as old as the hills at the +Thug dinner of 1838. He had taken to wearing his beard again; why, or with +what view, it passes my persimmon to tell you. But so it was. And his +appearance was most benign and venerable. Nothing could equal the angelic +radiance of his smile as he inquired after the unfortunate reporter, (whom, +as a piece of private scandal, I should tell you that he was himself +supposed to have murdered, in a rapture of creative art:) the answer was, +with roars of laughter, from the under-sheriff of our county--"Non est +inventus." Toad-in-the-hole laughed outrageously at this: in fact, we all +thought he was choking; and, at the earnest request of the company, a +musical composer furnished a most beautiful glee upon the occasion, +which was sung five times after dinner, with universal applause and +inextinguishable laughter, the words being these, (and the chorus +so contrived, as most beautifully to mimic the peculiar laughter of +Toad-in-the-hole:)-- + + "Et interrogatum est a Toad-in-the hole--Ubi est ille reporter? + Et responsum est cum cachinno--Non est inventus." + + +CHORUS. + + "Deinde iteratum est ab omnibus, cum cachinnatione undulante-- + Non est inventus." + +Toad-in-the-hole, I ought to mention, about nine years before, when an +express from Edinburgh brought him the earliest intelligence of the +Burke-and-Hare revolution in the art, went mad upon the spot; and, instead +of a pension to the express for even one life, or a knighthood, endeavored +to burke him; in consequence of which he was put into a strait waistcoat. +And that was the reason we had no dinner then. But now all of us were alive +and kicking, strait-waistcoaters and others; in fact, not one absentee +was reported upon the entire roll. There were also many foreign amateurs +present. + +Dinner being over, and the cloth drawn, there was a general call made for +the new glee of _Non est inventus_; but, as this would have interfered with +the requisite gravity of the company during the earlier toasts, I overruled +the call. After the national toasts had been given, the first official +toast of the day was, _The Old Man of the Mountains_--drunk in solemn +silence. + +Toad-in-the-hole returned thanks in a neat speech. He likened himself to +the Old Man of the Mountains, in a few brief allusions, that made the +company absolutely yell with laughter; and he concluded with giving the +health of + +_Mr. Von Hammer_, with many thanks to him for his learned History of the +Old Man and his subjects the assassins. + +Upon this I rose and said, that doubtless most of the company were aware +of the distinguished place assigned by orientalists to the very learned +Turkish scholar Von Hammer the Austrian; that he had made the profoundest +researches into our art as connected with those early and eminent artists +the Syrian assassins in the period of the Crusaders; that his work had been +for several years deposited, as a rare treasure of art, in the library +of the club. Even the author's name, gentlemen, pointed him out as the +historian of our art--Von Hammer-- + +"Yes, yes," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, who never can sit still--"Yes, +yes, Von Hammer--he's the man for a _malleus haereticorum_: think rightly +of our art, or he's the man to tickle your catastrophes. You all know what +consideration Williams bestowed on the hammer, or the ship carpenter's +mallet, which is the same thing. Gentlemen, I give you another great +hammer--Charles the Hammer, the Marteau, or, in old French, the Martel--he +hammered the Saracens till they were all as dead as door-nails--he did, +believe me." + +"_Charles Martel_, with all the honors." + +But the explosion of Toad-in-the-hole, together with the uproarious cheers +for the grandpapa of Charlemagne, had now made the company unmanageable. +The orchestra was again challenged with shouts the stormiest for the new +glee. I made again a powerful effort to overrule the challenge. I might +as well have talked to the winds. I foresaw a tempestuous evening; and I +ordered myself to be strengthened with three waiters on each side; the +vice-president with as many. Symptoms of unruly enthusiasm were beginning +to show out; and I own that I myself was considerably excited as the +orchestra opened with its storm of music, and the impassioned glee +began--"_Et interrogatum est a Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Reporter_?" +And the frenzy of the passion became absolutely convulsing, as the full +chorus fell in--"_Et iteratum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus_" + +By this time I saw how things were going: wine and music were making most +of the amateurs wild. Particularly Toad-in-the-hole, though considerably +above a hundred years old, was getting as vicious as a young leopard. It +was a fixed impression with the company that he had murdered the reporter +in the year 1812; since which time (viz. twenty-six years) "ille reporter" +had been constantly reported "Non est inventus." Consequently, the glee +about himself, which of itself was most tumultuous and jubilant, carried +him off his feet. Like the famous choral songs amongst the citizens of +Abdera, nobody could hear it without a contagious desire for falling back +into the agitating music of "Et interrogatum est a Toad-in-the-hole," &c. +I enjoined vigilance upon my assessors, and the business of the evening +proceeded. + +The next toast was--_The Jewish Sicarii_. + +Upon which I made the following explanation to the company:--"Gentlemen, +I am sure it will interest you all to hear that the assassins, ancient as +they were, had a race of predecessors in the very same country. All over +Syria, but particularly in Palestine, during the early years of the Emperor +Nero, there was a band of murderers, who prosecuted their studies in a very +novel manner. They did not practise in the night-time, or in lonely places; +but justly considering that great crowds are in themselves a sort of +darkness by means of the dense pressure and the impossibility of finding +out who it was that gave the blow, they mingled with mobs everywhere; +particularly at the great paschal feast in Jerusalem; where they actually +had the audacity, as Josephus assures us, to press into the temple,--and +whom should they choose for operating upon but Jonathan himself, the +Pontifex Maximus? They murdered him, gentlemen, as beautifully as if they +had had him alone on a moonless night in a dark lane. And when it was +asked, who was the murderer, and where he was"-- + +"Why, then, it was answered," interrupted Toad-in-the-hole, "_Non est +inventus_." And then, in spite of all I could do or say, the +orchestra opened, and the whole company began--"Et interrogatum est a +Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille Sicarius? Et responsum est ab omnibus--_Non +est inventus_." + +When the tempestuous chorus had subsided, I began again:--"Gentlemen, you +will find a very circumstantial account of the Sicarii in at least three +different parts of Josephus; once in Book XX. sect. v. c. 8, of his +_Antiquities_; once in Book I. of his _Wars_: but in sect. 10 of the +chapter first cited you will find a particular description of their +tooling. This is what he says--'They tooled with small scymetars not much +different from the Persian _acinacae_, but more curved, and for all the +world most like the Roman sickles or _sicae_.' It is perfectly magnificent, +gentlemen, to hear the sequel of their history. Perhaps the only case +on record where a regular army of murderers was assembled, a _justus +exercitus_, was in the case of these _Sicarii_. They mustered in such +strength in the wilderness, that Festus himself was obliged to march +against them with the Roman legionary force." + +Upon which Toad-in-the-hole, that cursed interrupter, broke out +a-singing--"Et interrogatum est a Toad-in-the-hole--Ubi est ille exercitus? +Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + +"No, no, Toad--you are wrong for once: that army _was_ found, and was all +cut to pieces in the desert. Heavens, gentlemen, what a sublime picture! +The Roman legions--the wilderness--Jerusalem in the distance--an army of +murderers in the foreground!" + +Mr. R., a member, now gave the next toast--"To the further improvement of +Tooling, and thanks to the Committee for their services." + +Mr. L., on behalf of the committee who had reported on that subject, +returned thanks. He made an interesting extract from the report, by which +it appeared how very much stress had been laid formerly on the mode of +tooling, by the fathers, both Greek and Latin. In confirmation of this +pleasing fact, he made a very striking statement in reference to the +earliest work of antediluvian art. Father Mersenne, that learned Roman +Catholic, in page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one[1] of his +operose Commentary on Genesis, mentions, on the authority of several +rabbis, that the quarrel of Cain with Abel was about a young woman; that, +by various accounts, Cain had tooled with his teeth, [Abelem fuisse +_morsibus_ dilaceratum a Cain;] by many others, with the jaw-bone of an +ass; which is the tooling adopted by most painters. But it is pleasing to +the mind of sensibility to know that, as science expanded, sounder views +were adopted. One author contends for a pitchfork, St. Chrysostom for a +sword, Irenaeus for a scythe, and Prudentius for a hedging-bill. This last +writer delivers his opinion thus:-- + + "Frater, probatae sanctitatis aemulus, + Germana curvo colla frangit sarculo:" + +_i.e_. his brother, jealous of his attested sanctity, fractures his +brotherly throat with a curved hedging-bill. "All which is respectfully +submitted by your committee, not so much as decisive of the question, (for +it is not,) but in order to impress upon the youthful mind the importance +which has ever been attached to the quality of the tooling by such men as +Chrysostom and Irenaeus." + +[Footnote 1: "Page one thousand four hundred and thirty-one"--_literally_, +good reader, and no joke at all.] + +"Dang Irenaeus!" said Toad-in-the-hole, who now rose impatiently to give the +next toast:--"Our Irish friends; and a speedy revolution in their mode of +tooling, as well as everything else connected with the art!" + +"Gentlemen, I'll tell you the plain truth. Every day of the year we take +up a paper, we read the opening of a murder. We say, this is good, this +is charming, this is excellent! But, behold you! scarcely have we read a +little farther, before the word Tipperary or Ballina-something betrays the +Irish manufacture. Instantly we loath it; we call to the waiter; we say, +Waiter, take away this paper; send it out of the house; it is absolutely +offensive to all just taste.' I appeal to every man whether, on finding a +murder (otherwise perhaps promising enough) to be Irish, he does not feel +himself as much insulted as when Madeira being ordered, he finds it to be +Cape; or when, taking up what he takes to be a mushroom, it turns out +what children call a toad-stool. Tithes, politics, or something wrong in +principle, vitiate every Irish murder. Gentlemen, this must be reformed, or +Ireland will not be a land to live in; at least, if we do live there, we +must import all our murders, that's clear." Toad-in-the-hole sat +down growling with suppressed wrath, and the universal "Hear, hear!" +sufficiently showed that he spoke the general feeling. + +The next toast was--"The sublime epoch of Burkism and Harism!" + +This was drunk with enthusiasm; and one of the members, who spoke to the +question, made a very curious communication to the company:--"Gentlemen, +we fancy Burkism to be a pure invention of our own times: and in fact no +Pancirollus has ever enumerated this branch of art when writing _de rebus +deperditis_. Still I have ascertained that the essential principle of the +art _was_ known to the ancients, although like the art of painting upon +glass, of making the myrrhine cups, &c., it was lost in the dark ages for +want of encouragement. In the famous collection of Greek epigrams made +by Planudes is one upon a very charming little case of Burkism: it is a +perfect little gem of art. The epigram itself I cannot lay my hand upon at +this moment, but the following is an abstract of it by Salmasius, as I find +it in his notes on Vopiscus: 'Est et elegans epigramma Lucilii, (well +he might call it "elegans!") ubi medicus et pollinctor de compacto sic +egerunt, ut medicus aegros omnes curae suae commissos occideret:' this was +the basis of the contract, you see, that on the one part the doctor, for +himself and his assigns, doth undertake and contract duly and truly to +murder all the patients committed to his charge: but why? There lies the +beauty of the case--'Et ut pollinctori amico suo traderet pollingendos.' +The _pollinctor_, you are aware, was a person whose business it was to +dress and prepare dead bodies for burial. The original ground of the +transaction appears to have been sentimental: 'He was my friend,' says the +murderous doctor; 'he was dear to me,' in speaking of the pollinctor. But +the law, gentlemen, is stern and harsh: the law will not hear of these +tender motives: to sustain a contract of this nature in law, it is +essential that a 'consideration' should be given. Now what _was_ the +consideration? For thus far all is on the side of the pollinctor: he +will be well paid for his services; but, meantime, the generous, the +noble-minded doctor gets nothing. What _was_ the little consideration +again, I ask, which the law would insist on the doctor's taking? You shall +hear: 'Et ut pollinctor vicissim [Greek: telamonas] quos furabatur de +pollinctione mortuorum medico mitteret doni ad alliganda vulnera eorurn +quos curabat.' Now, the case is clear: the whole went on a principle of +reciprocity which would have kept up the trade for ever. The doctor was +also a surgeon: he could not murder _all_ his patients: some of the +surgical patients must be retained intact; _re infecta_. For these he +wanted linen bandages. But, unhappily, the Romans wore woollen, on which +account they bathed so often. Meantime, there _was_ linen to be had in +Rome; but it was monstrously dear; and the [Greek: telamones] or linen +swathing bandages, in which superstition obliged them to bind up corpses, +would answer capitally for the surgeon. The doctor, therefore, contracts to +furnish his friend with a constant succession of corpses, provided, and be +it understood always, that his said friend in return should supply him with +one half of the articles he would receive from the friends of the parties +murdered or to be murdered. The doctor invariably recommended his +invaluable friend the pollinctor, (whom let us call the undertaker;) the +undertaker, with equal regard to the sacred rights of friendship, uniformly +recommended the doctor. Like Pylades and Orestes, they were models of a +perfect friendship: in their lives they were lovely, and on the gallows, it +is to be hoped, they were not divided. + +"Gentlemen, it makes me laugh horribly, when I think of those two friends +drawing and redrawing on each other: 'Pollinctor in account with Doctor, +debtor by sixteen corpses; creditor by forty-five bandages, two of which +damaged.' Their names unfortunately are lost; but I conceive they must have +been Quintus Burkius and Publius Harius. By the way, gentlemen, has anybody +heard lately of Hare? I understand he is comfortably settled in Ireland, +considerably to the west, and does a little business now and then; but, as +he observes with a sigh, only as a retailer--nothing like the fine thriving +wholesale concern so carelessly blown up at Edinburgh. 'You see what comes +of neglecting business,'--is the chief moral, the [Greek: epimutheon], +as AEsop would say, which he draws from his past experience." + +At length came the toast of the day--_Thugdom in all its branches_. + +The speeches _attempted_ at this crisis of the dinner were past all +counting. But the applause was so furious, the music so stormy, and the +crashing of glasses so incessant, from the general resolution never again +to drink an inferior toast from the same glass, that my power is not equal +to the task of reporting. Besides which, Toad-in-the-hole now became quite +ungovernable. He kept firing pistols in every direction; sent his servant +for a blunderbuss, and talked of loading with ball-cartridge. We conceived +that his former madness had returned at the mention of Burke and Hare; or +that, being again weary of life, he had resolved to go off in a general +massacre. This we could not think of allowing: it became indispensable, +therefore, to kick him out, which we did with universal consent, the whole +company lending their toes _uno pede_, as I may say, though pitying his +gray hairs and his angelic smile. During the operation the orchestra poured +in their old chorus. The universal company sang, and (what surprised us +most of all) Toad-in-the-hole joined us furiously in singing-- + + "Et interrogatum est ab omnibus--Ubi est ille Toad-in-the-hole + Et responsum est ab omnibus--Non est inventus." + + + + +JOAN OF ARC[1] + +IN REFERENCE TO M. MICHELET'S HISTORY OF FRANCE. + + +What is to be thought of _her_? What is to be thought of the poor shepherd +girl from the hills and forests of Lorraine, that--like the Hebrew shepherd +boy from the hills and forests of Judaea--rose suddenly out of the quiet, +out of the safety, out of the religious inspiration, rooted in deep +pastoral solitudes, to a station in the van of armies, and to the more +perilous station at the right hand of kings? The Hebrew boy inaugurated his +patriotic mission by an _act_, by a victorious _act_, such as no man could +deny. But so did the girl of Lorraine, if we read her story as it was read +by those who saw her nearest. Adverse armies bore witness to the boy as no +pretender: but so they did to the gentle girl. Judged by the voices of all +who saw them _from a station of good will_, both were found true and loyal +to any promises involved in their first acts. Enemies it was that made the +difference between their subsequent fortunes. The boy rose--to a splendor +and a noon-day prosperity, both personal and public, that rang through the +records of his people, and became a byeword amongst his posterity for a +thousand years, until the sceptre was departing from Judah. The poor, +forsaken girl, on the contrary, drank not herself from that cup of rest +which she had secured for France. She never sang together with the songs +that rose in her native Domremy, as echoes to the departing steps of +invaders. She mingled not in the festal dances at Vaucouleurs which +celebrated in rapture the redemption of France. No! for her voice was then +silent: No! for her feet were dust. Pure, innocent, noble-hearted girl! +whom, from earliest youth, ever I believed in as full of truth and +self-sacrifice, this was amongst the strongest pledges for _thy_ side, +that never once--no, not for a moment of weakness--didst thou revel in the +vision of coronets and honor from man. Coronets for thee! O no! Honors, if +they come when all is over, are for those that share thy blood.[2] Daughter +of Domremy, when the gratitude of thy king shall awaken, thou wilt be +sleeping the sleep of the dead. Call her, King of France, but she will not +hear thee! Cite her by thy apparitors to come and receive a robe of honor, +but she will be found _en contumace_. When the thunders of universal +France, as even yet may happen, shall proclaim the grandeur of the poor +shepherd girl that gave up all for her country--thy ear, young shepherd +girl, will have been deaf for five centuries. To suffer and to do, that was +thy portion in this life; to _do_--never for thyself, always for others; +to _suffer_--never in the persons of generous champions, always in thy +own--that was thy destiny; and not for a moment was it hidden from thyself. +Life, thou saidst, is short: and the sleep which is in the grave, is long! +Let me use that life, so transitory, for the glory of those heavenly dreams +destined to comfort the sleep which is so long. This pure creature--pure +from every suspicion of even a visionary self-interest, even as she was +pure in senses more obvious--never once did this holy child, as regarded +herself, relax from her belief in the darkness that was travelling to meet +her. She might not prefigure the very manner of her death; she saw not in +vision, perhaps, the aerial altitude of the fiery scaffold, the spectators +without end on every road pouring into Rouen as to a coronation, the +surging smoke, the volleying flames, the hostile faces all around, the +pitying eye that lurked but here and there until nature and imperishable +truth broke loose from artificial restraints; these might not be apparent +through the mists of the hurrying future. But the voice that called her to +death, _that_ she heard for ever. + +Great was the throne of France even in those days, and great was he that +sate upon it: but well Joanna knew that not the throne, nor he that sate +upon it, was for _her_; but, on the contrary, that she was for _them_; not +she by them, but they by her, should rise from the dust. Gorgeous were +the lilies of France, and for centuries had the privilege to spread their +beauty over land and sea, until, in another century, the wrath of God and +man combined to wither them; but well Joanna knew, early at Domremy she had +read that bitter truth, that the lilies of France would decorate no garland +for _her_. Flower nor bud, bell nor blossom, would ever bloom for _her_. + +But stop. What reason is there for taking up this subject of Joanna +precisely in this spring of 1847? Might it not have been left till the +spring of 1947? or, perhaps, left till called for? Yes, but it _is_ called +for; and clamorously. You are aware, reader, that amongst the many original +thinkers, whom modern France has produced, one of the reputed leaders is M. +Michelet. All these writers are of a revolutionary cast; not in a political +sense merely, but in all senses; mad, oftentimes, as March hares; crazy +with the laughing-gas of recovered liberty; drunk with the wine-cup of +their mighty Revolution, snorting, whinnying, throwing up their heels, like +wild horses in the boundless pampas, and running races of defiance with +snipes, or with the winds, or with their own shadows, if they can find +nothing else to challenge. Some time or other, I, that have leisure to +read, may introduce _you_, that have not, to two or three dozen of these +writers; of whom I can assure you beforehand that they are often profound, +and at intervals are even as impassioned as if they were come of our best +English blood, and sometimes (because it is not pleasant that people should +be too easy to understand) almost as obscure as if they had been suckled +by transcendental German nurses. But now, confining our attention to M. +Michelet--who is quite sufficient to lead a man into a gallop, requiring +two relays, at least, of fresh readers,--we in England--who know him best +by his worst book, the book against Priests, &c., which has been most +circulated--know him disadvantageously. That book is a rhapsody of +incoherence. M. Michelet was light-headed, I believe, when he wrote it: +and it is well that his keepers overtook him in time to intercept a second +part. But his _History of France_ is quite another thing. A man, in +whatsoever craft he sails, cannot stretch away out of sight when he is +linked to the windings of the shore by towing ropes of history. Facts, and +the consequences of facts, draw the writer back to the falconer's lure from +the giddiest heights of speculation. Here, therefore--in his _France_,--if +not always free from flightiness, if now and then off like a rocket for +an airy wheel in the clouds, M. Michelet, with natural politeness, never +forgets that he has left a large audience waiting for him on earth, and +gazing upwards in anxiety for his return: return, therefore, he does. But +History, though clear of certain temptations in one direction, has separate +dangers of its own. It is impossible so to write a History of France, or +of England--works becoming every hour more indispensable to the +inevitably-political man of this day--without perilous openings for +assault. If I, for instance, on the part of England, should happen to turn +my labors into that channel, and (on the model of Lord Percy going to Chevy +Chase)-- + + ----"A vow to God should make + My pleasure in the Michelet woods + Three summer days to take," + +--probably from simple delirium, I might hunt M. Michelet into _delirium +tremens_. Two strong angels stand by the side of History, whether French +History or English, as heraldic supporters: the angel of Research on the +left hand, that must read millions of dusty parchments, and of pages +blotted with lies; the angel of Meditation on the right hand, that must +cleanse these lying records with fire, even as of old the draperies of +_asbestos_ were cleansed, and must quicken them into regenerated life. +Willingly I acknowledge that no man will ever avoid innumerable errors of +detail: with so vast a compass of ground to traverse, this is impossible: +but such errors (though I have a bushel on hand, at M. Michelet's service) +are not the game I chase: it is the bitter and unfair spirit in which +M. Michelet writes against England. Even _that_, after all, is but my +secondary object: the real one is Joanna, the Pucelle d'Orleans for +herself. + +I am not going to write the History of _La Pucelle_: to do this, or even +circumstantially to report the history of her persecution and bitter death, +of her struggle with false witnesses and with ensnaring judges, it would +be necessary to have before us _all_ the documents, and, therefore, the +collection only now forthcoming in Paris. But _my_ purpose is narrower. +There have been great thinkers, disdaining the careless judgments of +contemporaries, who have thrown themselves boldly on the judgment of a far +posterity, that should have had time to review, to ponder, to compare. +There have been great actors on the stage of tragic humanity that might, +with the same depth of confidence, have appealed from the levity of +compatriot friends--too heartless for the sublime interest of their story, +and too impatient for the labor of sifting its perplexities--to the +magnanimity and justice of enemies. To this class belongs the Maid of Arc. +The Romans were too faithful to the ideal of grandeur in themselves not +to relent, after a generation or two, before the grandeur of Hannibal. +Mithridates--a more doubtful person--yet, merely for the magic perseverance +of his indomitable malice, won from the same Romans the only real honor +that ever he received on earth. And we English have ever shown the same +homage to stubborn enmity. To work unflinchingly for the ruin of England; +to say through life, by word and by deed--_Delenda est Anglia Victrix_! +that one purpose of malice, faithfully pursued, has quartered some people +upon our national funds of homage as by a perpetual annuity. Better than an +inheritance of service rendered to England herself, has sometimes proved +the most insane hatred to England. Hyder Ali, even his far inferior son +Tippoo, and Napoleon, have all benefited by this disposition amongst +ourselves to exaggerate the merit of diabolic enmity. Not one of these men +was ever capable, in a solitary instance, of praising an enemy--[what +do you say to _that_, reader?] and yet in _their_ behalf, we consent to +forget, not their crimes only, but (which is worse) their hideous bigotry +and anti-magnanimous egotism; for nationality it was not. Suffrein, and +some half dozen of other French nautical heroes, because rightly they did +us all the mischief they could, [which was really great] are names justly +reverenced in England. On the same principle, La Pucelle d'Orleans, the +victorious enemy of England, has been destined to receive her deepest +commemoration from the magnanimous justice of Englishmen. + +Joanna, as we in England should call her, but, according to her own +statement, Jeanne (or, as M. Michelet asserts, Jean[3]) d'Arc, was born at +Domremy, a village on the marshes of Lorraine and Champagne, and dependent +upon the town of Vaucouleurs. I have called her a Lorrainer, not simply +because the word is prettier, but because Champagne too odiously reminds +us English of what are for _us_ imaginary wines, which, undoubtedly, _La +Pucelle_ tasted as rarely as we English; we English, because the Champagne +of London is chiefly grown in Devonshire; _La Pucelle_, because the +Champagne of Champagne never, by any chance, flowed into the fountain of +Domremy, from which only she drank. M. Michelet will have her to be a +_Champenoise_, and for no better reason than that she "took after her +father," who happened to be a _Champenoise_. I am sure she did _not_: for +her father was a filthy old fellow, whom I shall soon teach the judicious +reader to hate. But, (says M. Michelet, arguing the case physiologically) +"she had none of the Lorrainian asperity;" no, it seems she had only "the +gentleness of Champagne, its simplicity mingled with sense and acuteness, +as you find it in Joinville." All these things she had; and she was worth a +thousand Joinvilles, meaning either the prince so called, or the fine old +crusader. But still, though I love Joanna dearly, I cannot shut my eyes +entirely to the Lorraine element of "asperity" in her nature. No; really +now, she must have had a shade of _that_, though very slightly developed--a +mere soupcon, as French cooks express it in speaking of cayenne pepper, +when she caused so many of our English throats to be cut. But could she do +less? No; I always say so; but still you never saw a person kill even a +trout with a perfectly "Champagne" face of "gentleness and simplicity," +though, often, no doubt, with considerable "acuteness." All your cooks and +butchers wear a _Lorraine_ cast of expression. + +These disputes, however, turn on refinements too nice. Domremy stood +upon the frontiers; and, like other frontiers, produced a _mixed_ race +representing the _cis_ and the _trans_. A river (it is true) formed the +boundary line at this point--the river Meuse; and _that_, in old days, +might have divided the populations; but in these days it did not--there +were bridges, there were ferries, and weddings crossed from the right bank +to the left. Here lay two great roads, not so much for travellers, that +were few, as for armies that were too many by half. These two roads, one of +which was the great high road between France and Germany, _decussated_ at +this very point; which is a learned way of saying that they formed a St. +Andrew's cross, or letter X. I hope the compositor will choose a good large +X, in which case the point of intersection, the _locus_ of conflux for +these four diverging arms, will finish the reader's geographical education, +by showing him to a hair's breadth where it was that Domremy stood. These +roads, so grandly situated, as great trunk arteries between two mighty +realms,[4] and haunted for ever by wars or rumors of wars, decussated (for +anything I know to the contrary) absolutely under Joanna's bed-room window; +one rolling away to the right, past Monsieur D'Arc's old barn, and the +other unaccountably preferring (but there's no disputing about tastes) to +sweep round that odious man's odious pigstye to the left. + +Things being situated as is here laid down, viz. in respect of the +decussation, and in respect of Joanna's bed-room; it follows that, if she +had dropped her glove by accident from her chamber window into the very +bull's eye of the target, in the centre of X, not one of several great +potentates could (though all animated by the sincerest desires for the +peace of Europe) have possibly come to any clear understanding on the +question of whom the glove was meant for. Whence the candid reader +perceives at once the necessity for at least four bloody wars. Falling +indeed a little farther, as, for instance, into the pigstye, the glove +could not have furnished to the most peppery prince any shadow of excuse +for arming: he would not have had a leg to stand upon in taking such a +perverse line of conduct. But, if it fell (as by the hypothesis it did) +into the one sole point of ground common to four kings, it is clear that, +instead of no leg to stand upon, eight separate legs would have had +no ground to stand upon unless by treading on each other's toes. The +philosopher, therefore, sees clearly the necessity of a war, and regrets +that sometimes nations do not wait for grounds of war so solid. + +In the circumstances supposed, though the four kings might be unable to +see their way clearly without the help of gunpowder to any decision upon +Joanna's intention, she--poor thing!--never could mistake her intentions +for a moment. All her love was for France; and, therefore, any glove +she might drop into the _quadrivium_ must be wickedly missent by the +post-office, if it found its way to any king but the king of France. + +On whatever side of the border chance had thrown Joanna, the same love to +France would have been nurtured. For it is a strange fact, noticed by M. +Michelet and others, that the Dukes of Bar and Lorraine had for generations +pursued the policy of eternal warfare with France on their own account, yet +also of eternal amity and league with France in case anybody else presumed +to attack her. Let peace settle upon France, and before long you might rely +upon seeing the little vixen Lorraine flying at the throat of France. Let +Franco be assailed by a formidable enemy, and instantly you saw a Duke of +Lorraine or Bar insisting on having his throat cut in support of France; +which favor accordingly was cheerfully granted to them in three great +successive battles by the English and by the Turkish sultan, viz., at +Crecy, at Nicopolis, and at Agincourt. + +This sympathy with France during great eclipses, in those that during +ordinary seasons were always teasing her with brawls and guerilla inroads, +strengthened the natural piety to France of those that were confessedly +the children of her own house. The outposts of France, as one may call the +great frontier provinces, were of all localities the most devoted to the +Flours de Lys. To witness, at any great crisis, the generous devotion to +these lilies of the little fiery cousin that in gentler weather was for +ever tilting at her breast, could not bin fan the zeal of the legitimate +daughter: whilst to occupy a post of honor on the frontiers against an old +hereditary enemy of France, would naturally have stimulated this zeal by a +sentiment of martial pride, had there even been no other stimulant to zeal +by a sense of danger always threatening, and of hatred always smouldering. +That great four-headed road was a perpetual memento to patriotic ardor. +To say, this way lies the road to Paris--and that other way to +Aix-la-Chapelle, this to Prague, that to Vienna--nourished the warfare of +the heart by daily ministrations of sense. The eye that watched for the +gleams of lance or helmet from the hostile frontier, the ear that listened +for the groaning of wheels, made the high road itself, with its relations +to centres so remote, into a manual of patriotic enmity. + +The situation, therefore, _locally_ of Joanna was full of profound +suggestions to a heart that listened for the stealthy steps of change and +fear that too surely were in motion. But if the place were grand, the +times, the burthen of the times, was far more so. The air overhead in its +upper chambers were _hurtling_ with the obscure sound; was dark with sullen +fermenting of storms that had been gathering for a hundred and thirty +years. The battle of Agincourt in Joanna's childhood had re-opened the +wounds of France. Crecy and Poictiers, those withering overthrows for the +chivalry of France, had been tranquillized by more than half a century; but +this resurrection of their trumpet wails made the whole series of battles +and endless skirmishes take their stations as parts in one drama. The +graves that had closed sixty years ago, seemed to fly open in sympathy +with a sorrow that echoed their own. The monarchy of France labored in +extremity, rocked and reeled like a ship fighting with the darkness of +monsoons. The madness of the poor king (Charles VI.) falling in at such a +crisis, like the case of women laboring in childbirth during the storming +of a city, trebled the awfulness of the time. Even the wild story of +the incident which had immediately occasioned the explosion of this +madness--the case of a man unknown, gloomy, and perhaps maniacal himself, +coming out of a forest at noon-day, laying his hand upon the bridle of +the king's horse, checking him for a moment to say, "Oh, King, thou art +betrayed," and then vanishing no man knew whither, as he had appeared for +no man knew what--fell in with the universal prostration of mind that laid +France on her knees as before the slow unweaving of some ancient prophetic +doom. The famines, the extraordinary diseases, the insurrections of the +peasantry up and down Europe, these were chords struck from the same +mysterious harp; but these were transitory chords. There had been others +of deeper and more sonorous sound. The termination of the Crusades, the +destruction of the Templars, the Papal interdicts, the tragedies caused or +suffered by the House of Anjou, by the Emperor--these were full of a more +permanent significance; but since then the colossal figure of feudalism was +seen standing as it were on tiptoe at Crecy for flight from earth: that was +a revolution unparalleled; yet _that_ was a trifle by comparison with the +more fearful revolutions that were mining below the Church. By her own +internal schisms, by the abominable spectacle of a double Pope--so that no +man, except through political bias, could even guess which was Heaven's +vicegerent, and which the creature of hell--she was already rehearsing, as +in still earlier forms she had rehearsed, the first rent in her foundations +(reserved for the coming century) which no man should ever heal. + +These were the loftiest peaks of the cloudland in the skies, that to the +scientific gazer first caught the colors of the _new_ morning in advance. +But the whole vast range alike of sweeping glooms overhead, dwelt upon all +meditative minds, even those that could not distinguish the altitudes nor +decipher the forms. It was, therefore, not her own age alone, as affected +by its immediate calamities, that lay with such weight upon Joanna's mind; +but her own age, as one section in a vast mysterious drama, unweaving +through a century back, and drawing nearer continually to crisis after +crisis. Cataracts and rapids were heard roaring ahead; and signs were seen +far back, by help of old men's memories, which answered secretly to signs +now coming forward on the eye, even as locks answer to keys. It was not +wonderful that in such a haunted solitude, with such a haunted heart, +Joanna should see angelic visions, and hear angelic voices. These voices +whispered to her the duty imposed upon herself, of delivering France. Five +years she listened to these monitory voices with internal struggles. At +length she could resist no longer. Doubt gave way; and she left her home in +order to present herself at the Dauphin's court. + +The education of this poor girl was mean according to the present standard: +was ineffably grand, according to a purer philosophic standard; and only +not good for our age, because for us it would be unattainable. She read +nothing, for she could not read; but she had heard others read parts of the +Roman martyrology. She wept in sympathy with the sad _Misereres_ of the +Romish chaunting; she rose to heaven with the glad triumphant _Gloria in +Excelcis_: she drew her comfort and her vital strength from the rites of +her church. But, next after these spiritual advantages, she owed most to +the advantages of her situation. The fountain of Domremy was on the brink +of a boundless forest; and it was haunted to that degree by fairies that +the parish priest (_cure_) was obliged to read mass there once a year, in +order to keep them in any decent bounds. Fairies are important, even in a +statistical view; certain weeds mark poverty in the soil, fairies mark +its solitude. As surely as the wolf retires before cities, does the fairy +sequester herself from the haunts of licensed victuallers. A village is too +much for her nervous delicacy: at most, she can tolerate a distant view +of a hamlet. We may judge, therefore, by the uneasiness and extra trouble +which they gave to the parson, in what strength the fairies mustered at +Domremy, and, by a satisfactory consequence, how thinly sown with men and +women must have been that region even in its inhabited spots. But the +forests of Domremy--those were the glories of the land: for, in them abode +mysterious powers and ancient secrets that towered into tragic strength. +"Abbeys there were, and abbey windows, dim and dimly seen--as Moorish +temples of the Hindoos," that exercised even princely power both in +Lorraine and in the German Diets. These had their sweet bells that pierced +the forests for many a league at matins or vespers, and each its own dreamy +legend. Few enough, and scattered enough, were these abbeys, in no degree +to disturb the deep solitude of the region; many enough to spread a network +or awning of Christian sanctity over what else might have seemed a heathen +wilderness. This sort of religious talisman being secured, a man the most +afraid of ghosts (like myself, suppose, or the reader) becomes armed into +courage to wander for days in their sylvan recesses. The mountains of the +Vosges on the eastern frontier of France, have never attracted much notice +from Europe, except in 1813-14, for a few brief months, when they fell +within Napoleon's line of defence against the Allies. But they are +interesting for this, amongst other features--that they do not, like some +loftier ranges, repel woods: the forests and they are on sociable terms. +_Live and let live_ is their motto. For this reason, in part, these tracts +in Lorraine were a favorite hunting ground with the Carlovingian princes. +About six hundred years before Joanna's childhood, Charlemagne was known to +have hunted there. That, of itself, was a grand incident in the traditions +of a forest or a chase. In these vast forests, also, were to be found (if +the race was not extinct) those mysterious fawns that tempted solitary +hunters into visionary and perilous pursuits. Here was seen, at intervals, +that ancient stag who was already nine hundred years old, at the least, but +possibly a hundred or two more, when met by Charlemagne; and the thing +was put beyond doubt by the inscription upon his golden collar. I believe +Charlemagne knighted the stag; and, if ever he is met again by a king, he +ought to be made an earl--or, being upon the marches of France, a marquess. +Observe, I don't absolutely vouch for all these things: my own opinion +varies. On a fine breezy forenoon I am audaciously sceptical; but as +twilight sets in, my credulity becomes equal to anything that could be +desired. And I have heard candid sportsmen declare that, outside of these +very forests near the Vosges, they laughed loudly at all the dim tales +connected with their haunted solitudes; but, on reaching a spot notoriously +eighteen miles deep within them, they agreed with Sir Roger de Coverley +that a good deal might be said on both sides. + +Such traditions, or any others that (like the stag) connect distant +generations with each other, are, for that cause, sublime; and the sense of +the shadowy, connected with such appearances that reveal themselves or not +according to circumstances, leaves a coloring of sanctity over ancient +forests, even in those minds that utterly reject the legend as a fact. + +But, apart from all distinct stories of that order, in any solitary +frontier between two great empires, as here, for instance, or in the desert +between Syria and the Euphrates, there is an inevitable tendency, in minds +of any deep sensibility to people the solitudes with phantom images of +powers that were of old so vast. Joanna, therefore, in her quiet occupation +of a shepherdess, would be led continually to brood over the political +condition of her country, by the traditions of the past no less than by the +mementoes of the local present. + +M. Michelet, indeed, says that La Pucelle was _not_ a shepherdess. I beg +his pardon: she _was_. What he rests upon, I guess pretty well: it is +the evidence of a woman called Haumette, the most confidential friend of +Joanna. Now, she is a good witness, and a good girl, and I like her; for +she makes a natural and affectionate report of Joanna's ordinary life. But +still, however good she may be as a witness, Joanna is better; and +she, when speaking to the Dauphin, calls herself in the Latin report +_Bergereta_. Even Haumette confesses that Joanna tended sheep in her +girlhood. And I believe, that, if Miss Haumette were taking coffee alone +with me this very evening (February 12, 1847)--in which there would be +no subject for scandal or for maiden blushes, because I am an intense +philosopher, and Miss H. would be hard upon four hundred and fifty years +old--she would admit the following comment upon her evidence to be right. A +Frenchman, about thirty years ago, M. Simond, in his _Travels_, mentioned +incidentally the following hideous scene as one steadily observed and +watched by himself in France at a period some trifle before the French +Revolution:--A peasant was ploughing; and the team that drew his plough was +a donkey and a woman. Both were regularly harnessed: both pulled alike. +This is bad enough: but the Frenchman adds, that, in distributing his +lashes, the peasant was obviously desirous of being impartial: or, if +either of the yoke-fellows had a right to complain, certainly it was not +the donkey. Now, in any country, where such degradation of females could be +tolerated by the state of manners, a woman of delicacy would shrink from +acknowledging, either for herself or her friend, that she had ever been +addicted to any mode of labor not strictly domestic; because, if once +owning herself a praedial servant, she would be sensible that this +confession extended by probability in the hearer's thoughts to having +incurred indignities of this horrible kind. Haumette clearly thinks it more +dignified for Joanna to have been darning the stockings of her horny-hoofed +father, Monsieur D'Arc, than keeping sheep, lest she might then be +suspected of having ever done something worse. But, luckily, there was no +danger of _that_: Joanna never was in service; and my opinion is that her +father should have mended his own stockings, since probably he was the +party to make the holes in them, as many a better man than D'Arc does; +meaning by _that_ not myself, because, though certainly a better man than +D'Arc, I protest against doing anything of the kind. If I lived even with +Friday in Juan Fernandez, either Friday must do all the darning, or else it +must go undone. The better men that I meant were the sailors in the British +navy, every man of whom mends his own stockings. Who else is to do it? +Do you suppose, reader, that the junior lords of the admiralty are under +articles to darn for the navy? + +The reason, meantime, for my systematic hatred of D'Arc is this. There was +a story current in France before the Revolution, framed to ridicule the +pauper aristocracy, who happened to have long pedigrees and short rent +rolls, viz., that a head of such a house, dating from the Crusades, was +overheard saying to his son, a Chevalier of St. Louis, "_Chevalier, as-tu +donne au cochon a manger_!" Now, it is clearly made out by the surviving +evidence, that D'Arc would much have preferred continuing to say--"_Ma +fille as-tu donne au cochon a manger_?" to saying "_Pucelle d'Orleans, +as-tu sauve les fleurs-de-lys_?" There is an old English copy of verses +which argues thus:-- + + "If the man, that turnips cries, + Cry not when his father dies-- + Then 'tis plain the man had rather + Have a turnip than his father." + +I cannot say that the logic of these verses was ever _entirely_ to my +satisfaction. I do not see my way through it as clearly as could be wished. +But I see my way most clearly through D'Arc; and the result is--that he +would greatly have preferred not merely a turnip to his father, but the +saving a pound or so of bacon to saving the Oriflamme of France. + +It is probable (as M. Michelet suggests) that the title of Virgin, or +_Pucelle_, had in itself, and apart from the miraculous stones about her, +a secret power over the rude soldiery and partisan chiefs of that period; +for, in such a person, they saw a representative manifestation of the +Virgin Mary, who, in a course of centuries, had grown steadily upon the +popular heart. + +As to Joanna's supernatural detection of the Dauphin (Charles VII.) amongst +three hundred lords and knights. I am surprised at the credulity which +could ever lend itself to that theatrical juggle. Who admires more than +myself the sublime enthusiasm, the rapturous faith in herself, of this pure +creature? But I admire not stage artifices, which not _La Pucelle_, but the +Court, must have arranged; nor can surrender myself a dupe to a conjuror's +_leger-de-main_, such as may be seen every day for a shilling. Southey's +"Joan of Arc" was published in 1796. Twenty years after, talking with +Southey, I was surprised to find him still owning a secret bias in favor of +Joan, founded on her detection of the Dauphin. The story, for the benefit +of the reader new to the case, was this:--_La Pucelle_ was first made known +to the Dauphin, and presented to his court, at Chinon: and here came her +first trial. She was to find out the royal personage amongst the whole ark +of clean and unclean creatures. Failing in this _coup d'essai_, she would +not simply disappoint many a beating heart in the glittering crowd that on +different motives yearned for her success, but she would ruin herself--and, +as the oracle within had told her, would ruin France. Our own sovereign +lady Victoria rehearses annually a trial not so severe in degree, but the +same in kind. She "pricks" for sheriffs. Joanna pricked for a king. But +observe the difference: our own lady pricks for two men out of three; +Joanna for one man out of three hundred. Happy Lady of the islands and the +orient!--she _can_ go astray in her choice only by one half; to the extent +of one half she _must_ have the satisfaction of being right. And yet, even +with these tight limits to the misery of a boundless discretion, permit me, +liege Lady, with all loyalty, to submit--that now and then you prick with +your pin the wrong man. But the poor child from Domremy, shrinking under +the gaze of a dazzling court--not because dazzling (for in visions she had +seen those that were more so,) but because some of them wore a scoffing +smile on their features--how should _she_ throw her line into so deep a +river to angle for a king, where many a gay creature was sporting that +masqueraded as kings in dress? Nay, even more than any true king would have +done: for, in Southey's version of the story, the Dauphin says, by way of +trying the virgin's magnetic sympathy with royalty, + + ----"on the throne, + I the while mingling with the menial throng, + Some courtier shall he seated." + +This usurper is even crowned: "the jeweled crown shines on a menial's +head." But really, that is "_un peu fort_;" and the mob of spectators might +raise a scruple whether our friend the jackdaw upon the throne, and the +Dauphin himself, were not grazing the shins of treason. For the Dauphin +could not lend more than belonged to him. According to the popular notion, +he had no crown for himself, but, at most, a _petit ecu_, worth thirty +pence; consequently none to lend, on any pretence whatever, until the +consecrated Maid should take him to Rheims. This was the _popular_ notion +in France. The same notion as to the indispensableness of a coronation +prevails widely in England. But, certainly, it was the Dauphin's interest +to support the popular notion, as he meant to use the services of Joanna. +For, if he were king already, what was it that she could do for him beyond +Orleans? And above all, if he were king without a coronation, and without +the oil from the sacred ampulla, what advantage was yet open to him by +celerity above his competitor the English boy? Now was to be a race for a +coronation: he that should win _that_ race, carried the superstition of +France along with him. Trouble us not, lawyer, with your quillets. We are +illegal blockheads; so thoroughly without law, that we don't know even if +we have a right to be blockheads; and our mind is made up--that the first +man drawn from the oven of coronation at Rheims, is the man that is baked +into a king. All others are counterfeits, made of base Indian meal, damaged +by sea-water. + +La Pucelle, before she could be allowed to practise as a warrior, was put +through her manual and platoon exercise, as a juvenile pupil in divinity, +before six eminent men in wigs. According to Southey (v. 393, Book III., in +the original edition of his "Joan of Arc") she "appall'd the doctors." It's +not easy to do _that_: but they had some reason to feel bothered, as that +surgeon would assuredly feel bothered, who, upon proceeding to dissect a +subject, should find the subject retaliating as a dissector upon himself, +especially if Joanna ever made the speech to them which occupies v. +354-391, B. III. It is a double impossibility; 1st, because a piracy from +Tindal's _Christianity as Old as the Creation:_ now a piracy _a parte post_ +is common enough; but a piracy _a parte ante_, and by three centuries, +would (according to our old English phrase[5]) drive a coach-and-six +through any copyright act that man born of woman could frame. 2dly, it is +quite contrary to the evidence on Joanna's trial; for Southey's "Joan" of +A. Dom. 1796 (Cottle, Bristol), tells the doctors, amongst other secrets, +that she never in her life attended--1st, Mass; nor 2d, the Sacramental +table; nor 3d, Confession. Here's a precious windfall for the doctors; +they, by snaky tortuosities, had hoped, through the aid of a corkscrew, +(which every D. D. or S.T.P. is said to carry in his pocket,) for the +happiness of ultimately extracting from Joanna a few grains of heretical +powder or small shot, which might have justified their singeing her a +little. And just at such a crisis, expressly to justify their burning her +to a cinder, up gallops Joanna with a brigade of guns, unlimbers, and +serves them out with heretical grape and deistical round-shot enough to lay +a kingdom under interdict. Any miracles, to which Joanna might treat the +grim D. Ds. after _that_, would go to the wrong side of her little account +in the clerical books. Joanna would be created a _Dr_. herself, but not of +Divinity. For in the Joanna page of the ledger the entry would be--"Miss +Joanna, in acct. with the Church, _Dr._ by sundry diabolic miracles, she +having publicly preached heresy, shown herself a witch, and even tried hard +to corrupt the principles of six church pillars." In the mean time, all +this deistical confession of Joanna's, besides being suicidal for the +interest of her cause, is opposed to the depositions upon _both_ trials. +The very best witness called from first to last deposes that Joanna +attended these rites of her Church even too often; was taxed with doing so; +and, by blushing, owned the charge as a fact, though certainly not as a +fault. Joanna was a girl of natural piety, that saw God in forests, +and hills, and fountains; but did not the less seek him in chapels and +consecrated oratories. + +This peasant girl was self-educated through her own natural meditativeness. +If the reader turns to that divine passage in _Paradise Regained_, which +Milton has put into the mouth of our Saviour when first entering the +wilderness, and musing upon the tendency of those great impulses growing +within himself-- + + "Oh, what a multitude of thoughts arise!" &c. + +he will have some notion of the vast reveries which brooded over the heart +of Joanna in early girlhood, when the wings were budding that should carry +her from Orleans to Rheims; when the golden chariot was dimly revealing +itself that should carry her from the kingdom of _France Delivered_ to the +eternal kingdom. + +It is not requisite, for the honor of Joanna, nor is there, in this place, +room to pursue her brief career of _action_. That, though wonderful, forms +the earthly part of her story: the intellectual part is, the saintly +passion of her imprisonment, trial, and execution. It is unfortunate, +therefore, for Southey's "Joan of Arc," (which however should always be +regarded as a _juvenile_ effort,) that, precisely when her real glory +begins, the poem ends. But this limitation of the interest grew, no doubt, +from the constraint inseparably attached to the law of epic unity. Joanna's +history bisects into two opposite hemispheres, and both could not have been +presented to the eye in one poem, unless by sacrificing all unity of theme, +or else by involving the earlier half, as a narrative episode, in the +latter;--this might have been done--it might have been communicated to a +fellow-prisoner, or a confessor, by Joanna herself, in the same way that +Virgil has contrived to acquaint the reader, through the hero's mouth, with +earlier adventures that, if told by the poet speaking in his own person, +would have destroyed the unity of his fable. The romantic interest of the +early and _irrelate_ incidents (last night of Troy, &c.) is thrown as an +affluent into the general river of the personal narrative, whilst yet the +capital current of the _epos_, as unfolding ihe origin and _incunabula_ of +Rome, is not for a moment suffered to be modified by events so subordinate +and so obliquely introduced. It is sufficient, as concerns _this_ section +of Joanna's life to say--that she fulfilled, to the height of her promises, +the restoration of the prostrate throne. France had become a province of +England; and for the ruin of both, if such a yoke could be maintained. +Dreadful pecuniary exhaustion caused the English energy to droop; and +that critical opening _La Pucelle_ used with a corresponding felicity +of audacity and suddenness (that were in themselves portentous) for +introducing the wedge of French native resources, for rekindling the +national pride, and for planting the Dauphin once more upon his feet. When +Joanna appeared, he had been on the point of giving up the struggle with +the English, distressed as they were, and of flying to the south of France. +She taught him to blush for such abject counsels. She liberated Orleans, +that great city, so decisive by its fate for the issue of the war, and then +beleaguered by the English with an elaborate application of engineering +skill unprecedented in Europe. Entering the city after sunset, on the 29th +of April, she sang mass on Sunday, May 8, for the entire disappearance of +the besieging force. On the 29th of June, she fought and gained over the +English the decisive battle of Patay; on the 9th of July, she took Troyes +by a coup-de-main from a mixed garrison of English and Burgundians; on the +15th of that month, she carried the Dauphin into Rheims; on Sunday the +17th, she crowned him; and there she rested from her labor of triumph. What +remained was--to suffer. + +All this forward movement was her own: excepting one man, the whole council +was against her. Her enemies were all that drew power from earth. Her +supporters were her own strong enthusiasm, and the headlong contagion +by which she carried this sublime frenzy into the hearts of women, of +soldiers, and of all who lived by labor. Henceforwards she was thwarted; +and the worst error, that she committed, was to lend the sanction of her +presence to counsels which she disapproved. But she had accomplished the +capital objects which her own visions had dictated. These involved all the +rest. Errors were now less important; and doubtless it had now become more +difficult for herself to pronounce authentically what _were_ errors. The +noble girl had achieved, as by a rapture of motion, the capital end of +clearing out a free space around her sovereign, giving him the power to +move his arms with effect; and, secondly, the inappreciable end of winning +for that sovereign what seemed to all France the heavenly ratification of +his rights, by crowning him with the ancient solemnities. She had made it +impossible for the English now to step before her. They were caught in an +irretrievable blunder, owing partly to discord amongst the uncles of Henry +VI., partly to a want of funds, but partly to the very impossibility which +they believed to press with tenfold force upon any French attempt to +forestall theirs. They laughed at such a thought; and whilst they laughed, +she _did_ it. Henceforth the single redress for the English of this capital +oversight, but which never _could_ have redressed it effectually, was--to +vitiate and taint the coronation of Charles VII. as the work of a witch. +That policy, and not malice, (as M. Michelet is so happy to believe,) was +the moving principle in the subsequent prosecution of Joanna. Unless +they unhinged the force of the first coronation in the popular mind, by +associating it with power given from hell, they felt that the sceptre of +the invader was broken. + +But she, the child that, at nineteen, had wrought wonders so great for +France, was she not elated? Did she not lose, as men so often _have_ lost, +all sobriety of mind when standing upon the pinnacle of successes so giddy? +Let her enemies declare. During the progress of her movement, and in +the centre of ferocious struggles, she had manifested the temper of her +feelings by the pity which she had every where expressed for the suffering +enemy. She forwarded to the English leaders a touching invitation to unite +with the French, as brothers, in a common crusade against infidels, thus +opening the road for a soldierly retreat. She interposed to protect +the captive or the wounded--she mourned over the excesses of her +countrymen--she threw herself off her horse to kneel by the dying English +soldier, and to comfort him with such ministrations, physical or spiritual, +as his situation allowed. "Nolebat," says the evidence, "uti onso suo, aut +quemquam interficere." She sheltered the English, that invoked her aid, in +her own quarters. She wept as she beheld, stretched on the field of battle, +so many brave enemies that had died without confession. And, as regarded +herself, her elation expressed itself thus:--on the day when she had +finished her work, she wept; for she knew that, when her task was done, her +end must be approaching. Her aspirations pointed only to a place, which +seemed to her more than usually full of natural piety, as one in which it +would give her pleasure to die. And she uttered, between smiles and tears, +as a wish that inexpressibly fascinated her heart, and yet was half +fantastic, a broken prayer that God would return her to the solitudes from +which he had drawn her, and suffer her to become a shepherdess once more. +It was a natural prayer, because nature has laid a necessity upon every +human heart to seek for rest, and to shrink from torment. Yet, again, it +was a half-fantastic prayer, because, from childhood upwards, visions that +she had no power to mistrust, and the voices which sounded in her ear for +ever, had long since persuaded her mind, that for _her_ no such prayer +could be granted. Too well she felt that her mission must be worked out to +the end, and that the end was now at hand. All went wrong from this time. +She herself had created the _funds_ out of which the French restoration +should grow; but she was not suffered to witness their development, or +their prosperous application. More than one military plan was entered upon +which she did not approve. But she still continued to expose her person +as before. Severe wounds had not taught her caution. And at length, in a +sortie from Compeigne, whether through treacherous collusion on the part +of her own friends is doubtful to this day, she was made prisoner by the +Burgundians, and finally surrendered to the English. + +Now came her trial. This trial, moving of course under English influence, +was conducted in chief by the Bishop of Beauvais. He was a Frenchman, sold +to English interests, and hoping, by favor of the English leaders, to +reach the highest preferment. _Bishop that art, Archbishop that shalt be, +Cardinal that mayest be_, were the words that sounded continually in his +ear; and doubtless, a whisper of visions still higher, of a triple crown, +and feet upon the necks of kings, sometimes stole into his heart. M. +Michelet is anxious to keep us in mind that this Bishop was but an agent +of the English. True. But it does not better the case for his countryman; +that, being an accomplice in the crime, making himself the leader in the +persecution against the helpless girl, he was willing to be all this in +the spirit, and with the conscious vileness of a catspaw. Never from the +foundations of the earth was there such a trial as this, if it were laid +open in all its beauty of defence, and all its hellishness of attack. Oh, +child of France! shepherdess, peasant girl! trodden under foot by all +around thee, how I honor thy flashing intellect, quick as God's lightning, +and true as that lightning to its mark, that ran before France and laggard +Europe by many a century, confounding the malice of the ensnarer, and +making dumb the oracles of falsehood! Is it not scandalous, is it not +humiliating to civilization, that, even at this day, France exhibits the +horrid spectacle of judges examining the prisoner against himself; seducing +him, by fraud, into treacherous conclusions against his own head; using the +terrors of their power for extorting confessions from the frailty of hope; +nay, (which is worse,) using the blandishments of condescension and snaky +kindness for thawing into compliances of gratitude those whom they had +failed to freeze into terror? Wicked judges! Barbarian jurisprudence! that, +sitting in your own conceit on the summits of social wisdom, have yet +failed to learn the first principles of criminal justice; sit ye humbly and +with docility at the feet of this girl from Domremy, that tore your webs of +cruelty into shreds and dust, "Would you examine me as a witness against +myself?" was the question by which many times she defied their arts. +Continually she showed that their interrogations were irrelevant to any +business before the court, or that entered into the ridiculous charges +against her. General questions were proposed to her on points of +casuistical divinity; two-edged questions which not one of themselves could +have answered without, on the one side, landing himself in heresy (as +then interpreted), or, on the other, in some presumptuous expression of +self-esteem. Next came a wretched Dominican that pressed her with an +objection, which, if applied to the Bible, would tax every one of its +miracles with unsoundness. The monk had the excuse of never having read the +Bible. M. Michelet has no such excuse; and it makes one blush for him, as a +philosopher, to find him describing such an argument as "weighty," whereas +it is but a varied expression of rude Mahometan metaphysics. Her answer +to this, if there were room to place the whole in a clear light, was as +shattering as it was rapid. Another thought to entrap her by asking what +language the angelic visitors of her solitude had talked: as though +heavenly counsels could want polyglott interpreters for every word, or that +God needed language at all in whispering thoughts to a human heart. Then +came a worse devil, who asked her whether the archangel Michael had +appeared naked. Not comprehending the vile insinuation, Joanna, whose +poverty suggested to her simplicity that it might be the _costliness_ or +suitable robes which caused the demur, asked them if they fancied God, +who clothed the flowers of the valleys, unable to find raiment for his +servants. The answer of Joanna moves a smile of tenderness, but the +disappointment of her judges makes one laugh horribly. Others succeeded +by troops, who upbraided her with leaving her father; as if that greater +Father, whom she believed herself to have been serving, did not retain the +power of dispensing with his own rules, or had not said, that, for a less +cause than martyrdom, man and woman should leave both father and mother. + +On Easter Sunday, when the trial had been long proceeding, the poor girl +fell so ill as to cause a belief that she had been poisoned. It was not +poison. Nobody had any interest in hastening a death so certain. M. +Michelet, whose sympathies with all feelings are so quick that one would +gladly see them always as justly directed, reads the case most truly. +Joanna had a two-fold malady. She was visited by a paroxysm of the +complaint called _home-sickness_; the cruel nature of her imprisonment, and +its length, could not but point her solitary thoughts, in darkness, and in +chains, (for chained she was,) to Domremy. And the season, which was the +most heavenly period of the spring, added stings to this yearning. That +was one of her maladies--_nostalgia_, as medicine calls it; the other was +weariness and exhaustion from daily combats with malice. She saw that +everybody hated her, and thirsted for her blood; nay, many kind-hearted +creatures that would have pitied her profoundly as regarded all political +charges, had their natural feelings warped by the belief that she had +dealings with fiendish powers. She knew she was to die; that was _not_ the +misery; the misery was that this consummation could not be reached without +so much intermediate strife, as if she were contending for some chance +(where chance was none) of happiness, or were dreaming for a moment of +escaping the inevitable. Why, then, _did_ she contend? Knowing that she +would reap nothing from answering her persecutors, why did she not retire +by silence from the superfluous contest? It was because her quick and eager +loyalty to truth would not suffer her to see it darkened by frauds, which +_she_ could expose, but others, even of candid listeners, perhaps, could +not; it was through that imperishable grandeur of soul, which taught her +to submit meekly and without a struggle to her punishment, but taught +her _not_ to submit--no, not for a moment--to calumny as to facts, or to +misconstruction as to motives. Besides, there were secretaries all around +the court taking down her words. That was meant for no good to _her_. But +the end does not always correspond to the meaning. And Joanna might say to +herself--these words that will be used against me to-morrow and the next +day, perhaps in some nobler generation may rise again for my justification. +Yes, Joanna, they _are_ rising even now in Paris, and for more than +justification. + +Woman, sister--there are some things which you do not execute as well as +your brother, man; no, nor ever will. Pardon me if I doubt whether you will +ever produce a great poet from your choirs, or a Mozart, or a Phidias, or a +Michael Angelo, or a great philosopher, or a great scholar. By which last +is meant--not one who depends simply on an infinite memory, but also on an +infinite and electrical power of combination; bringing together from the +four winds, like the angel of the resurrection, what else were dust from +dead men's bones, into the unity of breathing life. If you _can_ create +yourselves into any of these great creators, why have you not? Do not ask +me to say otherwise; because if you do, you will lead me into temptation. +For I swore early in life never to utter a falsehood, and, above all, a +sycophantic falsehood; and, in the false homage of the modern press towards +women, there is horrible sycophancy. It is as hollow, most of it, and it is +as fleeting as is the love that lurks in _uxoriousness_. Yet, if a woman +asks me to tell a faleshood, I have long made up my mind--that on moral +considerations I _will_, and _ought_ to do so, whether it be for any +purpose of glory to _her_, or of screening her foibles (for she _does_ +commit a few), or of humbly, as a vassal, paying a peppercorn rent to her +august privilege of caprice. Barring these cases, I must adhere to my +resolution of telling no fibs. And I repeat, therefore, but not to be rude, +I repeat in Latin-- + + Excudent alii melius spirantia signa, + Credo equidem vivos ducent de marmore vultus: + Altius ascendent: at tu caput, Eva, memento + Sandalo ut infringas referenti oracula tanta.[6] + +Yet, sister woman--though I cannot consent to find a Mozart or a Michael +Angelo in your sex, until that day when you claim my promise as to +falsehood--cheerfully, and with the love that burns in depths of +admiration, I acknowledge that you can do one thing as well as the best of +us men--a greater thing than even Mozart is known to have done, or Michael +Angelo--you can die grandly, and as goddesses would die were goddesses +mortal. If any distant world (which _may_ be the case) are so far ahead +of us Tellurians in optical resources as to see distinctly through their +telescopes all that we do on earth, what is the grandest sight to which we +ever treat them? St. Peter's at Rome, do you fancy, on Easter Sunday, or +Luxor, or perhaps the Himalayas? Pooh! pooh! my friend: suggest something +better; these are baubles to _them_; they see in other worlds, in their +own, far better toys of the same kind. These, take my word for it, are +nothing. Do you give it up? The finest thing, then, we have to show them +is a scaffold on the morning of execution. I assure you there is a strong +muster in those fair telescopic worlds, on any such morning, of those who +happen to find themselves occupying the right hemisphere for a peep +at _us_. Telescopes look up in the market on that morning, and bear a +monstrous premium; for they cheat, probably, in those scientific worlds as +well as we do. How, then, if it be announced in some such telescopic world +by those who make a livelihood of catching glimpses at our newspapers, +whose language they have long since deciphered, that the poor victim in the +morning's sacrifice is a woman? How, if it be published on that distant +world that the sufferer wears upon her head, in the eyes of many, the +garlands of martyrdom? How, if it should be some Marie Antoinette, the +widowed queen, coming forward on the scaffold, and presenting to the +morning air her head, turned gray prematurely by sorrow, daughter of Caesars +kneeling down humbly to kiss the guillotine, as one that worships death? +How, if it were the "martyred wife of Roland," uttering impassioned +truth--truth odious to the rulers of her country--with her expiring breath? +How, if it were the noble Charlotte Corday, that in the bloom of youth, +that with the loveliest of persons, that with homage waiting upon her +smiles wherever she turned her face to scatter them--homage that followed +those smiles as surely as the carols of birds, after showers in spring, +follow the re-appearing sun and the racing of sunbeams over the hills--yet +thought all these things cheaper than the dust upon her sandals in +comparison of deliverance from hell for her dear suffering France? Ah! +these were spectacles indeed for those sympathizing people in distant +worlds; and some, perhaps, would suffer a sort of martyrdom themselves, +because they could not testify their wrath, could not bear witness to the +strength of love, and to the fury of hatred, that burned within them at +such scenes; could not gather into golden urns some of that glorious dust +which rested in the catacombs of earth. + +On the Wednesday after Trinity Sunday in 1431, being then about nineteen +years of age, the Maid of Arc underwent her martyrdom. She was conducted +before mid-day, guarded by eight hundred spearmen, to a platform of +prodigious height, constructed of wooden billets supported by occasional +walls of lath and plaster, and traversed by hollow spaces in every +direction for the creation of air-currents. The pile "struck terror," says +M. Michelet, "by its height;" and, as usual, the English purpose in this is +viewed as one of pure malignity. But there are two ways of explaining all +that. It is probable that the purpose was merciful. On the circumstances of +the execution I shall not linger. Yet, to mark the almost fatal felicity +of M. Michelet in finding out whatever may injure the English name, at +a moment when every reader will be interested in Joanna's personal +appearance, it is really edifying to notice the ingenuity by which he draws +into light from a dark corner a very unjust account of it, and neglects, +though lying upon the high road, a very pleasing one. Both are from English +pens. Grafton, a chronicler but little read, being a stiff-necked John +Bull, thought fit to say, that no wonder Joanna should be a virgin, since +her "foule face" was a satisfactory solution of that particular merit. +Holinshead, on the other hand, a chronicler somewhat later, every way more +important, and universally read, has given a very pleasing testimony to the +interesting character of Joanna's person and engaging manners. Neither +of these men lived till the following century, so that personally this +evidence is none at all. Grafton sullenly and carelessly believed as +he wished to believe; Holinshead took pains to inquire, and reports +undoubtedly the general impression of France. But I cite the case as +illustrating M. Michelet's candor.[7] + +The circumstantial incidents of the execution, unless with more space +than I can now command, I should be unwilling to relate. I should fear +to injure, by imperfect report, a martyrdom which to myself appears so +unspeakably grand. Yet for a purpose pointing, not at Joanna but at M. +Michelet,--viz., to convince him that an Englishman is capable of thinking +more highly of _La Pucelle_ than even her admiring countryman, I shall, in +parting, allude to one or two traits in Joanna's demeanor on the scaffold, +and to one or two in that of the bystanders, which authorize me in +questioning an opinion of his upon this martyr's firmness. The reader ought +to be reminded that Joanna d'Arc was subjected to an unusually unfair trial +of opinion. Any of the elder Christian martyrs had not much to fear of +_personal_ rancor. The martyr was chiefly regarded as the enemy of Caesar; +at times, also, where any knowledge of the Christian faith and morals +existed, with the enmity that arises spontaneously in the worldly against +the spiritual. But the martyr, though disloyal, was not supposed to be, +therefore, anti-national; and still less was _individually_ hateful. What +was hated (if anything) belonged to his class, not to himself separately. +Now Joanna, if hated at all, was hated personally, and in Rouen on national +grounds. Hence there would be a certainty of calumny arising against _her_, +such as would not affect martyrs in general. That being the case, it would +follow of necessity that some people would impute to her a willingness to +recant. No innocence could escape _that_. Now, had she really testified +this willingness on the scaffold, it would have argued nothing at all but +the weakness of a genial nature shrinking from the instant approach of +torment. And those will often pity that weakness most, who, in their own +persons, would yield to it least. Meantime, there never was a calumny +uttered that drew less support from the recorded circumstances. It rests +upon no _positive_ testimony, and it has a weight of contradicting +testimony to stem. And yet, strange to say, M. Michelet, who at times seems +to admire the Maid of Arc as much as I do, is the one sole writer amongst +her _friends_ who lends some countenance to this odious slander. His words +are, that, if she did not utter this word _recant_ with her lips, she +uttered it in her heart. "Whether, she _said_ the word is uncertain: but I +affirm that she _thought_ it." + +Now, I affirm that she did not; not in any sense of the word "_thought_" +applicable to the case. Here is France calumniating _La Pucelle_: here +is England defending her. M. Michelet can only mean, that, on _a priori_ +principles, every woman must be presumed liable to such a weakness; that +Joanna was a woman; _ergo_, that she was liable to such a weakness. That +is, he only supposes her to have uttered the word by an argument which +presumes it impossible for anybody to have done otherwise. I, on the +contrary, throw the _onus_ of the argument not on presumable tendencies of +nature, but on the known facts of that morning's execution, as recorded +by multitudes. What else, I demand, than mere weight of metal, absolute +nobility of deportment, broke the vast line of battle then arrayed against +her? What else but her meek, saintly demeanor, won from the enemies, that +till now had believed her a witch, tears of rapturous admiration? "Ten +thousand men," says M. Michelet himself, "ten thousand men wept;" and of +these ten thousand the majority were political enemies knitted together by +cords of superstition. What else was it but her constancy, united with her +angelic gentleness, that drove the fanatic English soldier--who had sworn +to throw a faggot on her scaffold, as _his_ tribute of abhorrence, that +_did_ so, that fulfilled his vow--suddenly to turn away a penitent for +life, saying everywhere that he had seen a dove rising upon wings to heaven +from the ashes where she had stood? What else drove the executioner to +kneel at every shrine for pardon to _his_ share in the tragedy? And, if all +this were insufficient, then I cite the closing act of her life as valid +on her behalf, were all other testimonies against her. The executioner had +been directed to apply his torch from below. He did so. The fiery smoke +rose upwards in billowing volumes. A Dominican monk was then standing +almost at her side. Wrapt up in his sublime office, he saw not the danger, +but still persisted in his prayers. Even then, when the last enemy was +racing up the fiery stairs to seize her, even at that moment did this +noblest of girls think only for _him_, the one friend that would not +forsake her, and not for herself; bidding him with her last breath to care +for his own preservation, but to leave _her_ to God. That girl, whose +latest breath ascended in this sublime expression of self-oblivion, did not +utter the word _recant_ either with her lips or in her heart. No; she did +not, though one should rise from the dead to swear it. + + * * * * * + +Bishop of Beauvais! thy victim died in fire upon a scaffold--thou upon a +down bed. But for the departing minutes of life, both are oftentimes alike. +At the farewell crisis, when the gates of death are opening, and flesh is +resting from its struggles, oftentimes the tortured and the torturer have +the same truce from carnal torment; both sink together into sleep; together +both, sometimes, kindle into dreams. When the mortal mists were gathering +fast upon you two, Bishop and Shepherd girl--when the pavilions of life +were closing up their shadowy curtains about you--let us try, through the +gigantic glooms, to decipher the flying features of your separate visions. + +The shepherd girl that had delivered France--she, from her dungeon, she, +from her baiting at the stake, she, from her duel with fire, as she entered +her last dream--saw Domremy, saw the fountain of Domremy, saw the pomp of +forests in which her childhood had wandered. That Easter festival, which +man had denied to her languishing heart--that resurrection of spring-time, +which the darkness of dungeons had intercepted from _her_, hungering after +the glorious liberty of forests--were by God given back into her hands, as +jewels that had been stolen from her by robbers. With those, perhaps, (for +the minutes of dreams can stretch into ages,) was given back to her by God +the bliss of childhood. By special privilege, for _her_ might be created, +in this farewell dream, a second childhood, innocent as the first; but not, +like _that_, sad with the gloom of a fearful mission in the rear. This +mission had now been fulfilled. The storm was weathered, the skirts even of +that mighty storm were drawing off. The blood, that she was to reckon for, +had been exacted; the tears, that she was to shed in secret, had been paid +to the last. The hatred to herself in all eyes had been faced steadily, had +been suffered, had been survived. And in her last fight upon the scaffold +she had triumphed gloriously; victoriously she had tasted the stings of +death. For all, except this comfort from her farewell dream, she had +died--died, amidst the tears of ten thousand enemies--died, amidst the +drums and trumpets of armies--died, amidst peals redoubling upon peals, +volleys upon volleys, from the saluting clarions of martyrs. + +Bishop of Beauvais! because the guilt-burthened man is in dreams haunted +and waylaid by the most frightful of his crimes, and because upon that +fluctuating mirror--rising (like the mocking mirrors of _mirage_ in Arabian +deserts) from the fens of death--most of all are reflected the sweet +countenances which the man has laid in ruins; therefore I know, Bishop, +that you, also, entering your final dream, saw Domremy. That fountain, +of which the witnesses spoke so much, showed itself to your eyes in pure +morning dews; but neither dews, nor the holy dawn, could cleanse away the +bright spots of innocent blood upon its surface. By the fountain, Bishop, +you saw a woman seated, that hid her face. But as _you_ draw near, the +woman raises her wasted features. Would Domremy know them again for the +features of her child? Ah, but _you_ know them, Bishop, well! Oh, mercy! +what a groan was _that_ which the servants, waiting outside the Bishop's +dream at his bedside, heard from his laboring heart, as at this moment he +turned away from the fountain and the woman, seeking rest in the forests +afar off. Yet not so to escape the woman, whom once again he must behold +before he dies. In the forests to which he prays for pity, will he find a +respite? What a tumult, what a gathering of feet is there! In glades, where +only wild deer should run, armies and nations are assembling; towering in +the fluctuating crowd are phantoms that belong to departed hours. There is +the great English Prince, Regent of France. There is my Lord of Winchester, +the princely Cardinal, that died and made no sign. There is the Bishop of +Beauvais, clinging to the shelter of thickets. What building is that which +hands so rapid are raising? Is it a martyr's scaffold? Will they burn the +child of Domremy a second time? No: it is a tribunal that rises to the +clouds; and two nations stand around it, waiting for a trial. Shall my Lord +of Beauvais sit again upon the judgment-seat, and again number the hours +for the innocent? Ah! no: he is the prisoner at the bar. Already all is +waiting; the mighty audience is gathered, the Court is hurrying to their +seats, the witnesses are arrayed, the trumpets are sounding, the judge +is going to take his place. Oh! but this is sudden. My lord, have you +no counsel? "Counsel I have none: in heaven above, or on earth beneath, +counsellor there is none now that would take a brief from _me_: all are +silent." Is it, indeed, come to this? Alas! the time is short, the tumult +is wondrous, the crowd stretches away into infinity, but yet I will search +in it for somebody to take your brief: I know of somebody that will be your +counsel. Who is this that cometh from Domremy? Who is she that cometh in +bloody coronation robes from Rheims? Who is she that cometh with blackened +flesh from walking the furnaces of Rouen? This is she, the shepherd girl, +counsellor that had none for herself, whom I choose, Bishop, for yours. She +it is, I engage, that shall take my lord's brief. She it is, Bishop, that +would plead for you: yes, Bishop, SHE--when heaven and earth are silent. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +_Arc_:--Modern France, that should know a great deal better than myself, +insists that the name is not d'Arc, _i.e._ of Arc, but _Darc_. Now it +happens sometimes, that if a person, whose position guarantees his access +to the best information, will content himself with gloomy dogmatism, +striking the table with his fist, and saying in a terrific voice--"It is +so; and there's an end of it,"--one bows deferentially; and submits. But +if, unhappily for himself, won by this docility, he relents too amiably +into reasons and arguments, probably one raises an insurrection against him +that may never be crushed; for in the fields of logic one can skirmish, +perhaps, as well as he. Had he confined himself to dogmatism; he would have +entrenched his position in darkness, and have hidden his own vulnerable +points. But coming down to base reasons, he lets in light, and one sees +where to plant the blows. Now, the worshipful reason of modern France for +disturbing the old received spelling, is--that Jean Hordal, a descendant of +_La Pucelle's_ brother, spelled the name _Darc_, in 1612. But what of that? +Beside the chances that M. Hordal might be a gigantic blockhead, it is +notorious that what small matter of spelling Providence had thought fit to +disburse amongst man in the seventeenth century, was all monopolized by +printers: in France, much more so.] + +[NOTE 2. + +_Those that share thy blood_:--a collateral relative of Joanna's was +subsequently ennobled by the title of _du Lys_.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Jean_."--M. Michelet asserts that there was a mystical meaning at that +era in calling a child _Jean_; it implied a secret commendation of a child, +if not a dedication, to St. John the Evangelist, the beloved disciple, the +apostle of love and mysterious visions. But, really, as the name was so +exceedingly common, few people will detect a mystery in calling a _boy_ by +the name of Jack, though it _does_ seem mysterious to call a girl Jack. It +may be less so in France, where a beautiful practice has always prevailed +of giving to a boy his mother's name--preceded and strengthened by a male +name, as _Charles Anne_, _Victor Victoire_. In cases where a mother's +memory has been unusually dear to a son, this vocal memento of her, +locked into the circle of his own name, gives to it the tenderness of a +testamentary relique, or a funeral ring. I presume, therefore, that _La +Pacelle_ must have borne the baptismal names of Jeanne Jean; the latter +with no reference to so sublime a person as St. John, but simply to some +relative.] + +[NOTE 4. + +And reminding one of that inscription, so justly admired by Paul Richtor, +which a Russian Czarina placed on a guide-post near Moscow--_This is the +road that leads to Constantinople_.] + +[NOTE 5. + +Yes, old--very old phrase: not as ignoramuses fancy, a phrase recently +minted by a Repealer in Ireland.] + +[NOTE 6. + +Our sisters are always rather uneasy when we say anything of them in Latin +or Greek. It is like giving sealed orders to a sea captain, which he is not +to open for his life till he comes into a certain latitude, which latitude, +perhaps, he never _will_ come into, and thus may miss the secret till he is +going to the bottom. Generally I acknowledge that it is not polite before +our female friends to cite a single word of Latin without instantly +translating it. But in this particular case, where I am only iterating a +disagreeable truth, they will please to recollect that the politeness lies +in _not_ translating. However, if they insist absolutely on knowing this +very night, before going to bed, what it is that those ill-looking lines +contain, I refer them to Dryden's Virgil, somewhere in the 6th Book of the +AEneid, except as to the closing line and a half, which contain a private +suggestion of my own to discontented nymphs anxious to see the equilibrium +of advantages re-established between the two sexes.] + +[NOTE 7. + +Amongst the many ebullitions of M. Michelet's fury against us poor English, +are four which will be likely to amuse the reader; and they are the more +conspicuous in collision with the justice which he sometimes does us, and +the very indignant admiration which, under some aspects, he grants to us. + +1. Our English literature he admires with some gnashing of teeth. He +pronounces it "fine and sombre," but, I lament to add, "sceptical, Judaic, +Satanic--in a word, Anti-Christian." That Lord Byron should figure as a +member of this diabolical corporation, will not surprise men. It _will_ +surprise them to hear that Milton is one of its Satanic leaders. Many are +the generous and eloquent Frenchmen, beside Chateaubriand, who have, in +the course of the last thirty years, nobly suspended their own burning +nationality, in order to render a more rapturous homage at the feet of +Milton; and some of them have raised Milton almost to a level with angelic +natures. Not one of them has thought of looking for him _below_ the earth. +As to Shakspeare, M. Michelet detects in him a most extraordinary mare's +nest. It is this: he does "not recollect to have seen the name of God" in +any part of his works. On reading such words, it is natural to rub one's +eyes, and suspect that all one has ever seen in this world may have been +a pure ocular delusion. In particular, I begin myself to suspect that the +word "_la gloire_" never occurs in any Parisian journal. "The great English +nation," says M. Michelet, "has one immense profound vice," to wit, +"pride." Why, really, that may be true; but we have a neighbor not +absolutely clear of an "immense profound vice," as like ours in color and +shape as cherry to cherry. In short, M. Michelet thinks us, by fits and +starts, admirable, only that we are detestable; and he would adore some of +our authors, were it not that so intensely he could have wished to kick +them. + +2. M. Michelet thinks to lodge an arrow in our sides by a very odd remark +upon Thomas a Kempis: which is, that a man of any conceivable European +blood--a Finlander, suppose, or a Zantiote--might have written Tom; only +not an Englishman. Whether an Englishman could have forged Tom, must remain +a matter of doubt, unless the thing had been tried long ago. That problem +was intercepted for ever by Tom's perverseness in choosing to manufacture +himself. Yet, since nobody is better aware than M. Michelet, that this very +point of Kempis _having_ manufactured Kempis is furiously and hopelessly +litigated, three or four nations claiming to have forged his work for him, +the shocking old doubt will raise its snaky head once more--whether this +forger, who rests in so much darkness, might not, after all, be of English +blood. Tom, it may be feared, is known to modern English literature chiefly +by an irreverent mention of his name in a line of Peter Pindar's (Dr. +Wolcot) fifty years back, where he is described as + + "Kempis Tom, + Who clearly shows the way to Kingdom Come." + +Few in these days can have read him, unless in the Methodist version of +John Wesley. Amongst those few, however, happens to be myself; which arose +from the accident of having, when a boy of eleven, received a copy of the +_De Imitatione Christi_, as a bequest from a relation, who died very young; +from which cause, and from the external prettiness of the book, being a +Glasgow reprint, by the celebrated Foulis, and gaily bound, I was induced +to look into it; and finally read it many times over, partly out of +some sympathy which, even in those days, I had with its simplicity and +devotional fervor; but much more from the savage delight I found in +laughing at Tom's Latinity. _That_, I freely grant to M. Michelet, is +inimitable; else, as regards substance, it strikes me that I could forge a +better _De Imitatione_ myself. But there is no knowing till one tries. Yet, +after all, it is not certain whether the original _was_ Latin. But, however +_that_ may have been, if it is possible that M. Michelet[A] can be accurate +in saying that there are no less than _sixty_ French versions (not +editions, observe, but separate versions) existing of the _De Imitatione_, +how prodigious must have been the adaptation of the book to the religious +heart of the fifteenth century! Excepting the Bible, but excepting +that only in Protestant lands, no book known to man has had the same +distinction. It is the most marvellous bibliographical fact on record. + +[Footnote A: "If M. Michelet can be accurate." However, on consideration, +this statement does not depend on Michelet. The bibliographer, Barbier, +has absolutely _specified_ sixty in a separate dissertation, _soixante +traductions_, amongst those even that have not escaped the search. The +Italian translations are said to be thirty. As to mere _editions_, not +counting the early MSS. for half a century before printing was introduced, +those in Latin amount to two thousand, and those in French to one thousand. +Meantime, it is very clear to me that this astonishing popularity, so +entirely unparalleled in literature, could not have existed except in Roman +Catholic times, nor subsequently have lingered in any Protestant land. It +was the denial of Scripture fountains to thirsty lands which made this +slender rill of Scripture truth so passionately welcome.] + +3. Our English girls, it seems, are as faulty in one way as we English +males in another. None of us lads could have written the _Opera Omnia_ of +Mr. a Kempis; neither could any of our lasses have assumed male attire like +_La Pucelle_. But why? Because, says Michelet, English girls and German +think so much of an indecorum. Well, that is a good fault, generally +speaking. But M. Michelet ought to have remembered a fact in the +martyrologies which justifies both parties,--the French heroine for doing, +and the general choir of English girls for _not_ doing. A female saint, +specially renowned in France, had, for a reason as weighty as Joanna's, +viz., expressly to shield her modesty amongst men, wore a male military +harness. That reason and that example authorized _La Pucelle_; but our +English girls, as a body, have seldom any such reason, and certainly no +such saintly example, to plead. This excuses _them_. Yet, still, if it is +indispensable to the national character that our young women should now and +then trespass over the frontier of decorum, it then becomes a patriotic +duty in me to assure M. Michelet that we have such ardent females amongst +us, and in a long series--some detected in naval hospitals, when too sick +to remember their disguise; some on fields of battle; multitudes never +detected at all; some only suspected; and others discharged without noise +by war offices and other absurd people. In our navy, both royal and +commercial, and generally from deep remembrances of slighted love, women +have sometimes served in disguise for many years, taking contentedly their +daily allowance of burgoo, biscuit, or cannon balls--anything, in short, +digestible or indigestible, that it might please Providence to send. One +thing, at least, is to their credit: never any of these poor masks, with +their deep silent remembrances, have been detected through murmuring, or +what is nautically understood by "skulking." So, for once, M. Michelet has +an _erratum_ to enter upon the fly-leaf of his book in presentation copies. + +4. But the last of these ebullitions is the most lively. We English, at +Orleans, and after Orleans (which is not quite so extraordinary, if all +were told,) fled before the Maid of Arc. Yes, says M. Michelet, you _did_: +deny it, if you can. Deny it, my dear? I don't mean to deny it. Running +away, in many cases, is a thing so excellent, that no philosopher would, +at times, condescend to adopt any other step. All of us nations in Europe, +without one exception, have shown our philosophy in that way at times. Even +people, "_qui ne se rendent pas_," have deigned both to run and to shout, +"_Sauve qui pent_" at odd times of sunset; though, for my part, I have +no pleasure in recalling unpleasant remembrances to brave men; and yet, +really, being so philosophic, they ought _not_ to be unpleasant. But +the amusing feature in M. Michelet's reproach, is the way in which he +_improves_ and varies against us the charge of running, as if he were +singing a catch. Listen to him. They "_showed their backs_," did these +English. (Hip, hip, hurrah! three times three!) "_Behind good walls, they +let themselves be taken,_" (Hip, hip! nine times nine!) They "_ran as +fast as their legs could carry them._" (Hurrah! twenty-seven times +twenty-seven!) They "_ran before a girl_;" they did. (Hurrah! eighty-one +times eighty-one!) This reminds one of criminal indictments on the old +model in English courts, where (for fear the prisoner should escape) the +crown lawyer varied the charge perhaps through forty counts. The law laid +its guns so as to rake the accused at every possible angle. Whilst the +indictment was reading, he seemed a monster of crime in his own eyes; and +yet, after all, the poor fellow had but committed one offence, and not +always _that_. N.B.--Not having the French original at hand, I make my +quotations from a friend's copy of Mr. Walter Kelly's translation, which +seems to me faithful, spirited, and idiomatically English--liable, in fact, +only to the single reproach of occasional provincialisms. + + + +THE ENGLISH MAIL-COACH; + +OR, + +THE GLORY OF MOTION. + + +Some twenty or more years before I matriculated at Oxford, Mr. Palmer, +M.P. for Bath, had accomplished two things, very hard to do on our little +planet, the Earth, however cheap they may happen to be held by the +eccentric people in comets: he had invented mail-coaches, and he had +married the daughter[1] of a duke. He was, therefore, just twice as great a +man as Galileo, who certainly invented (or _discovered_) the satellites of +Jupiter, those very next things extant to mail-coaches in the two capital +points of speed and keeping time, but who did _not_ marry the daughter of a +duke. + +These mail-coaches, as organized by Mr. Palmer, are entitled to a +circumstantial notice from myself--having had so large a share in +developing the anarchies of my subsequent dreams, an agency which they +accomplished, first, through velocity, at that time unprecedented; they +first revealed the glory of motion: suggesting, at the same time, an +under-sense, not unpleasurable, of possible though indefinite danger; +secondly, through grand effects for the eye between lamp-light and the +darkness upon solitary roads; thirdly, through animal beauty and power so +often displayed in the class of horses selected for this mail service; +fourthly, through the conscious presence of a central intellect, that, in +the midst of vast distances,[2] of storms, of darkness, of night, overruled +all obstacles into one steady cooeperation in a national result. To my own +feeling, this post-office service recalled some mighty orchestra, where a +thousand instruments, all disregarding each other, and so far in danger of +discord, yet all obedient as slaves to the supreme _baton_ of some great +leader, terminate in a perfection of harmony like that of heart, veins, and +arteries, in a healthy animal organization. But, finally, that particular +element in this whole combination which most impressed myself, and through +which it is that to this hour Mr. Palmer's mail-coach system tyrannizes +by terror and terrific beauty over my dreams, lay in the awful political +mission which at that time it fulfilled. The mail-coaches it was that +distributed over the face of the land, like the opening of apocalyptic +vials, the heart-shaking news of Trafalgar, of Salamanca, of Vittoria, of +Waterloo. These were the harvests that, in the grandeur of their reaping, +redeemed the tears and blood in which they had been sown. Neither was the +meanest peasant so much below the grandeur and the sorrow of the times as +to confound these battles, which were gradually moulding the destinies +of Christendom, with the vulgar conflicts of ordinary warfare, which are +oftentimes but gladiatorial trials of national prowess. The victories of +England in this stupendous contest rose of themselves as natural _Te Deums_ +to heaven; and it was felt by the thoughtful that such victories, at such a +crisis of general prostration, were not more beneficial to ourselves than +finally to France, and to the nations of western and central Europe, +through whose pusillanimity it was that the French domination had +prospered. + +The mail-coach, as the national organ for publishing these mighty events, +became itself a spiritualized and glorified object to an impassioned heart; +and naturally, in the Oxford of that day, all hearts were awakened. There +were, perhaps, of us gownsmen, two thousand _resident_[3] in Oxford, and +dispersed through five-and-twenty colleges. In some of these the custom +permitted the student to keep what are called "short terms;" that is, the +four terms of Michaelmas, Lent, Easter, and Act, were kept severally by a +residence, in the aggregate, of ninety-one days, or thirteen weeks. Under +this interrupted residence, accordingly, it was possible that a student +might have a reason for going down to his home four times in the year. This +made eight journeys to and fro. And as these homes lay dispersed through +all the shires of the island, and most of us disdained all coaches except +his majesty's mail, no city out of London could pretend to so extensive a +connection with Mr. Palmer's establishment as Oxford. Naturally, therefore, +it became a point of some interest with us, whose journeys revolved every +six weeks on an average, to look a little into the executive details of +the system. With some of these Mr. Palmer had no concern; they rested upon +bye-laws not unreasonable, enacted by posting-houses for their own benefit, +and upon others equally stern, enacted by the inside passengers for the +illustration of their own exclusiveness. These last were of a nature to +rouse our scorn, from which the transition was not _very long_ to mutiny. +Up to this time, it had been the fixed assumption of the four inside +people, (as an old tradition of all public carriages from the reign +of Charles II.,) that they, the illustrious quaternion, constituted +a porcelain variety of the human race, whose dignity would have been +compromised by exchanging one word of civility with the three miserable +delf ware outsides. Even to have kicked an outsider might have been held to +attaint the foot concerned in that operation; so that, perhaps, it would +have required an act of parliament to restore its purity of blood. What +words, then, could express the horror, and the sense of treason, in that +case, which _had_ happened, where all three outsides, the trinity of +Pariahs, made a vain attempt to sit down at the same breakfast table or +dinner table with the consecrated four? I myself witnessed such an attempt; +and on that occasion a benevolent old gentleman endeavored to soothe his +three holy associates, by suggesting that, if the outsides were indicted +for this criminal attempt at the next assizes, the court would regard it as +a case of lunacy (or _delirium tremens_) rather than of treason. England +owes much of her grandeur to the depth of the aristocratic element in her +social composition. I am not the man to laugh at it. But sometimes +it expressed itself in extravagant shapes. The course taken with the +infatuated outsiders, in the particular attempt which I have noticed, was, +that the waiter, beckoning them away from the privileged _salle-a-manger_, +sang out, "This way, my good men;" and then enticed them away off to the +kitchen. But that plan had not always answered. Sometimes, though very +rarely, cases occurred where the intruders, being stronger than usual, or +more vicious than usual, resolutely refused to move, and so far carried +their point, as to have a separate table arranged for themselves in a +corner of the room. Yet, if an Indian screen could be found ample enough +to plant them out from the very eyes of the high table, or _dais_, it then +became possible to assume as a fiction of law--that the three delf fellows, +after all, were not present. They could be ignored by the porcelain men, +under the maxim, that objects not appearing, and not existing, are governed +by the same logical construction. + +Such now being, at that time, the usages of mail-coaches, what was to be +done by us of young Oxford? We, the most aristocratic of people, who were +addicted to the practice of looking down superciliously even upon the +insides themselves as often very suspicious characters, were we voluntarily +to court indignities? If our dress and bearing sheltered us, generally, +from the suspicion of being "raff," (the name at that period for +"snobs,"[4]) we really _were_ such constructively, by the place we assumed. +If we did not submit to the deep shadow of eclipse, we entered at least the +skirts of its penumbra. And the analogy of theatres was urged against us, +where no man can complain of the annoyances incident to the pit or gallery, +having his instant remedy in paying the higher price of the boxes. But +the soundness of this analogy we disputed. In the case of the theatre, +it cannot be pretended that the inferior situations have any separate +attractions, unless the pit suits the purpose of the dramatic reporter. But +the reporter or critic is a rarity. For most people, the sole benefit is in +the price. Whereas, on the contrary, the outside of the mail had its own +incommunicable advantages. These we could not forego. The higher price we +should willingly have paid, but that was connected with the condition of +riding inside, which was insufferable. The air, the freedom of prospect, +the proximity to the horses, the elevation of seat--these were what we +desired; but, above all, the certain anticipation of purchasing occasional +opportunities of driving. + +Under coercion of this great practical difficulty, we instituted a +searching inquiry into the true quality and valuation of the different +apartments about the mail. We conducted this inquiry on metaphysical +principles; and it was ascertained satisfactorily, that the roof of the +coach, which some had affected to call the attics, and some the garrets, +was really the drawing-room, and the box was the chief ottoman or sofa +in that drawing-room; whilst it appeared that the inside, which had been +traditionally regarded as the only room tenantable by gentlemen, was, in +fact, the coal-cellar in disguise. + +Great wits jump. The very same idea had not long before struck the +celestial intellect of China. Amongst the presents carried out by our first +embassy to that country was a state-coach. It had been specially selected +as a personal gift by George III.; but the exact mode of using it was a +mystery to Pekin. The ambassador, indeed, (Lord Macartney,) had made some +dim and imperfect explanations upon the point; but as his excellency +communicated these in a diplomatic whisper, at the very moment of his +departure, the celestial mind was very feebly illuminated; and it became +necessary to call a cabinet council on the grand state question--"Where was +the emperor to sit?" The hammer-cloth happened to be unusually gorgeous; +and partly on that consideration, but partly also because the box offered +the most elevated seat, and undeniably went foremost, it was resolved by +acclamation that the box was the imperial place, and, _for the scoundrel +who drove, he might sit where he could find a perch_. The horses, +therefore, being harnessed, under a flourish of music and a salute of guns, +solemnly his imperial majesty ascended his new English throne, having the +first lord of the treasury on his right hand, and the chief jester on his +left. Pekin gloried in the spectacle; and in the whole flowery people, +constructively present by representation, there was but one discontented +person, which was the coachman. This mutinous individual, looking as +blackhearted as he really was, audaciously shouted, "Where am _I_ to sit?" +But the privy council, incensed by his disloyalty, unanimously opened the +door, and kicked him into the inside. He had all the inside places +to himself; but such is the rapacity of ambition, that he was still +dissatisfied. "I say," he cried out in an extempore petition, addressed to +the emperor through the window, "how am I to catch hold of the reins?" "Any +how," was the answer; "don't trouble _me_, man, in my glory; through the +windows, through the key-holes--how you please." Finally this contumacious +coachman lengthened the checkstrings into a sort of jury-reins, +communicating with the horses; with these he drove as steadily as may be +supposed. The emperor returned after the briefest of circuits; he descended +in great pomp from his throne, with the severest resolution never to +remount it. A public thanksgiving was ordered for his majesty's prosperous +escape from the disease of a broken neck; and the state-coach was dedicated +for ever as a votive offering to the god Fo, Fo--whom the learned more +accurately called Fi, Fi. + +A revolution of this same Chinese character did young Oxford of that era +effect in the constitution of mail-coach society. It was a perfect French +revolution; and we had good reason to say, _Ca ira_. In fact, it soon +became _too_ popular. The "public," a well known character, particularly +disagreeable, though slightly respectable, and notorious for affecting the +chief seats in synagogues, had at first loudly opposed this revolution; +but when the opposition showed itself to be ineffectual, our disagreeable +friend went into it with headlong zeal. At first it was a sort of race +between us; and, as the public is usually above thirty, (say generally from +thirty to fifty years old,) naturally we of young Oxford, that averaged +about twenty, had the advantage. Then the public took to bribing, giving +fees to horse-keepers, &c., who hired out their persons as warming-pans on +the box-seat. _That_, you know, was shocking to our moral sensibilities. +Come to bribery, we observed, and there is an end to all morality, +Aristotle's, Cicero's, or anybody's. And, besides, of what use was it? +For _we_ bribed also. And as our bribes to those of the public being +demonstrated out of Euclid to be as five shillings to sixpence, here +again young Oxford had the advantage. But the contest was ruinous to +the principles of the stable establishment about the mails. The whole +corporation was constantly bribed, rebribed, and often sur-rebribed; so +that a horse-keeper, ostler, or helper, was held by the philosophical at +that time to be the most corrupt character in the nation. + +There was an impression upon the public mind, natural enough from the +continually augmenting velocity of the mail, but quite erroneous, that +an outside seat on this class of carriages was a post of danger. On the +contrary, I maintained that, if a man had become nervous from some +gipsey prediction in his childhood, allocating to a particular moon now +approaching some unknown danger, and he should inquire earnestly, "Whither +can I go for shelter? Is a prison the safest retreat? Or a lunatic +hospital? Or the British Museum?" I should have replied, "Oh, no; I'll tell +you what to do. Take lodgings for the next forty days on the box of his +majesty's mail. Nobody can touch you there. If it is by bills at ninety +days after date that you are made unhappy--if noters and protesters are the +sort of wretches whose astrological shadows darken the house of life--then +note you what I vehemently protest, viz., that no matter though the sheriff +in every county should be running after you with his _posse_, touch a hair +of your head he cannot whilst you keep house, and have your legal domicile +on the box of the mail. It's felony to stop the mail; even the sheriff +cannot do that. And an _extra_ (no great matter if it grazes the sheriff) +touch of the whip to the leaders at any time guarantees your safety." In +fact, a bed-room in a quiet house, seems a safe enough retreat; yet it is +liable to its own notorious nuisances, to robbers by night, to rats, to +fire. But the mail laughs at these terrors. To robbers, the answer is +packed up and ready for delivery in the barrel of the guard's blunderbuss. +Rats again! there _are_ none about mail-coaches, any more than snakes in +Van Troil's Iceland; except, indeed, now and then a parliamentary rat, who +always hides his shame in the "coal cellar." And, as to fire, I never knew +but one in a mail-coach, which was in the Exeter mail, and caused by an +obstinate sailor bound to Devonport. Jack, making light of the law and the +lawgiver that had set their faces against his offence, insisted on taking +up a forbidden seat in the rear of the roof, from which he could exchange +his own yarns with those of the guard. No greater offence was then known to +mail-coaches; it was treason, it was _laesa majestas_, it was by tendency +arson; and the ashes of Jack's pipe, falling amongst the straw of the +hinder boot, containing the mail-bags, raised a flame which (aided by the +wind of our motion) threatened a revolution in the republic of letters. But +even this left the sanctity of the box unviolated. In dignified repose, +the coachman and myself sat on, resting with benign composure upon our +knowledge--that the fire would have to burn its way through four inside +passengers before it could reach ourselves. With a quotation rather too +trite, I remarked to the coachman,-- + + ----"Jam proximus ardet + Ucalegon." + +But recollecting that the Virgilian part of his education might have been +neglected, I interpreted so far as to say, that perhaps at that moment the +flames were catching hold of our worthy brother and next-door neighbor +Ucalegon. The coachman said nothing, but, by his faint sceptical smile, he +seemed to be thinking that he knew better; for that in fact, Ucalegon, as +it happened, was not in the way-bill. + +No dignity is perfect which does not at some point ally itself with the +indeterminate and mysterious. The connection of the mail with the state +and the executive government--a connection obvious, but yet not strictly +defined--gave to the whole mail establishment a grandeur and an official +authority which did us service on the roads, and invested us with +seasonable terrors. But perhaps these terrors were not the less impressive, +because their exact legal limits were imperfectly ascertained. Look at +those turnpike gates; with what deferential hurry, with what an obedient +start, they fly open at our approach! Look at that long line of carts +and carters ahead, audaciously usurping the very crest of the road. Ah! +traitors, they do not hear us as yet; but as soon as the dreadful blast of +our horn reaches them with the proclamation of our approach, see with what +frenzy of trepidation they fly to their horses' heads, and deprecate our +wrath by the precipitation of their crane-neck quarterings. Treason they +feel to be their crime; each individual carter feels himself under the +ban of confiscation and attainder: his blood is attainted through six +generations, and nothing is wanting but the headsman and his axe, the block +and the sawdust, to close up the vista of his horrors. What! shall it be +within benefit of clergy to delay the king's message on the high +road?--to interrupt the great respirations, ebb or flood, of the national +intercourse--to endanger the safety of tidings, running day and night +between all nations and languages? Or can it be fancied, amongst the +weakest of men, that the bodies of the criminals will be given up to their +widows for Christian burial? Now the doubts which were raised as to our +powers did more to wrap them in terror, by wrapping them in uncertainty, +than could have been effected by the sharpest definitions of the law from +the Quarter Sessions. We, on our parts, (we, the collective mail, I mean,) +did our utmost to exalt the idea of our privileges by the insolence with +which we wielded them. Whether this insolence rested upon law that gave +it a sanction, or upon conscious power, haughtily dispensing with that +sanction, equally it spoke from a potential station; and the agent in each +particular insolence of the moment, was viewed reverentially, as one having +authority. + +Sometimes after breakfast his majesty's mail would become frisky: and in +its difficult wheelings amongst the intricacies of early markets, it would +upset an apple cart, a cart loaded with eggs, &c. Huge was the affliction +and dismay, awful was the smash, though, after all, I believe the damage +might be levied upon the hundred. I, as far as possible, endeavored in such +a case to represent the conscience and moral sensibilities of the mail; +and, when wildernesses of eggs were lying poached under our horses' hoofs, +then would I stretch forth my hands in sorrow, saying (in words too +celebrated in those days from the false[5] echoes of Marengo)--"Ah! +wherefore have we not time to weep over you?" which was quite impossible, +for in fact we had not even time to laugh over them. Tied to post-office +time, with an allowance in some cases of fifty minutes for eleven miles, +could the royal mail pretend to undertake the offices of sympathy and +condolence? Could it be expected to provide tears for the accidents of the +road? If even it seemed to trample on humanity, it did so, I contended, in +discharge of its own more peremptory duties. + +Upholding the morality of the mail, _a fortiori_ I upheld its rights, +I stretched to the uttermost its privilege of imperial precedency, and +astonished weak minds by the feudal powers which I hinted to be lurking +constructively in the charters of this proud establishment. Once I remember +being on the box of the Holyhead mail, between Shrewsbury and Oswestry, +when a tawdry thing from Birmingham, some _Tallyho_ or _Highflier_, all +flaunting with green and gold, came up alongside of us. What a contrast to +our royal simplicity of form and color is this plebeian wretch! The single +ornament on our dark ground of chocolate color was the mighty shield of the +imperial arms, but emblazoned in proportions as modest as a signet-ring +bears to a seal of office. Even this was displayed only on a single panel, +whispering, rather than proclaiming, our relations to the state; whilst the +beast from Birmingham had as much writing and painting on its sprawling +flanks as would have puzzled a decipherer from the tombs of Luxor. For some +time this Birmingham machine ran along by our side--a piece of familiarity +that seemed to us sufficiently jacobinical. But all at once a movement of +the horses announced a desperate intention of leaving us behind. "Do you +see _that_?" I said to the coachman. "I see," was his short answer. He was +awake, yet he waited longer than seemed prudent; for the horses of our +audacious opponent had a disagreeable air of freshness and power. But +his motive was loyal; his wish was that the Birmingham conceit should be +full-blown before he froze it. When _that_ seemed ripe, he unloosed, or, to +speak by a stronger image, he sprang his known resources, he slipped our +royal horses like cheetas, or hunting leopards, after the affrighted game. +How they could retain such a reserve of fiery power after the work they had +accomplished, seemed hard to explain. But on our side, besides the physical +superiority, was a tower of strength, namely, the king's name, "which they +upon the adverse faction wanted." Passing them without an effort, as it +seemed, we threw them into the rear with so lengthening an interval between +us, as proved in itself the bitterest mockery of their presumption; whilst +our guard blew back a shattering blast of triumph, that was really too +painfully full of derision. + +I mention this little incident for its connection with what followed. A +Welshman, sitting behind me, asked if I had not felt my heart burn within +me during the continuance of the race? I said--No; because we were not +racing with a mail, so that no glory could be gained. In fact, it was +sufficiently mortifying that such a Birmingham thing should dare to +challenge us. The Welshman replied, that he didn't see _that_; for that a +cat might look at a king, and a Brummagem coach might lawfully race the +Holyhead mail. "_Race_ us perhaps," I replied, "though even _that_ has an +air of sedition, but not _beat_ us. This would have been treason; and for +its own sake I am glad that the Tallyho was disappointed." So dissatisfied +did the Welshman seem with this opinion, that at last I was obliged to tell +him a very fine story from one of our elder dramatists, viz.--that once, in +some oriental region, when the prince of all the land, with his splendid +court, were flying their falcons, a hawk suddenly flew at a majestic eagle; +and in defiance of the eagle's prodigious advantages, in sight also of all +the astonished field sportsmen, spectators, and followers, killed him on +the spot. The prince was struck with amazement at the unequal contest, and +with burning admiration for its unparalleled result. He commanded that the +hawk should be brought before him; caressed the bird with enthusiasm, and +ordered that, for the commemoration of his matchless courage, a crown +of gold should be solemnly placed on the hawk's head; but then that, +immediately after this coronation, the bird should be led off to execution, +as the most valiant indeed of traitors, but not the less a traitor that had +dared to rise in rebellion against his liege lord the eagle. "Now," said I +to the Welshman, "How painful it would have been to you and me as men of +refined feelings, that this poor brute, the Tallyho, in the impossible case +of a victory over us, should have been crowned with jewellery, gold, with +Birmingham ware, or paste diamonds, and then led off to instant execution." +The Welshman doubted if that could be warranted by law. And when I hinted +at the 10th of Edward III., chap. 15, for regulating the precedency of +coaches, as being probably the statute relied on for the capital punishment +of such offences, he replied drily--that if the attempt to pass a mail was +really treasonable, it was a pity that the Tallyho appeared to have so +imperfect an acquaintance with law. + +These were among the gaieties of my earliest and boyish acquaintance with +mails. But alike the gayest and the most terrific of my experiences rose +again after years of slumber, armed with preternatural power to shake my +dreaming sensibilities; sometimes, as in the slight case of Miss Fanny on +the Bath road, (which I will immediately mention,) through some casual or +capricious association with images originally gay, yet opening at some +stage of evolution into sudden capacities of horror; sometimes through the +more natural and fixed alliances with the sense of power so various lodged +in the mail system. + +The modern modes of travelling cannot compare with the mail-coach system +in grandeur and power. They boast of more velocity, but not however as +a consciousness, but as a fact of our lifeless knowledge, resting upon +_alien_ evidence; as, for instance, because somebody _says_ that we have +gone fifty miles in the hour, or upon the evidence of a result, as that +actually we find ourselves in York four hours after leaving London. Apart +from such an assertion, or such a result, I am little aware of the pace. +But, seated on the old mail-coach, we needed no evidence out of ourselves +to indicate the velocity. On this system the word was--_Non magna +loquimur_, as upon railways, but _magna vivimus_. The vital experience of +the glad animal sensibilities made doubts impossible on the question of our +speed; we heard our speed, we saw it, we felt it as a thrilling; and this +speed was not the product of blind insensate agencies, that had no sympathy +to give, but was incarnated in the fiery eyeballs of an animal, in his +dilated nostril, spasmodic muscles, and echoing hoofs. This speed was +incarnated in the _visible_ contagion amongst brutes of some impulse, that, +radiating into _their_ natures, had yet its centre and beginning in man. +The sensibility of the horse, uttering itself in the maniac light of his +eye, might be the last vibration of such a movement; the glory of Salamanca +might be the first--but the intervening link that connected them, that +spread the earthquake of the battle into the eyeball of the horse, was +the heart of man--kindling in the rapture of the fiery strife, and then +propagating its own tumults by motions and gestures to the sympathies, more +or less dim, in his servant the horse. + +But now, on the new system of travelling, iron tubes and boilers have +disconnected man's heart from the ministers of his locomotion. Nile nor +Trafalgar has power any more to raise an extra bubble in a steam-kettle. +The galvanic cycle is broken up for ever: man's imperial nature no longer +sends itself forward through the electric sensibility of the horse; the +inter-agencies are gone in the mode of communication between the horse and +his master, out of which grew so many aspects of sublimity under accidents +of mists that hid, or sudden blazes that revealed, of mobs that agitated, +or midnight solitudes that awed. Tidings, fitted to convulse all nations, +must henceforwards travel by culinary process; and the trumpet that once +announced from afar the laurelled mail, heart-shaking, when heard screaming +on the wind, and advancing through the darkness to every village +or solitary house on its route, has now given way for ever to the +pot-wallopings of the boiler. + +Thus have perished multiform openings for sublime effects, for interesting +personal communications, for revelations of impressive faces that could not +have offered themselves amongst the hurried and fluctuating groups of +a railway station. The gatherings of gazers about a mail-coach had one +centre, and acknowledged only one interest. But the crowds attending at +a railway station have as little unity as running water, and own as many +centres as there are separate carriages in the train. + +How else, for example, than as a constant watcher for the dawn, and for +the London mail that in summer months entered about dawn into the lawny +thickets of Marlborough Forest, couldst thou, sweet Fanny of the Bath road, +have become known to myself? Yet Fanny, as the loveliest young woman for +face and person that perhaps in my whole life I have beheld, merited +the station which even _her_ I could not willingly have spared; yet +(thirty-five years later) she holds in my dreams: and though, by an +accident of fanciful caprice, she brought along with her into those dreams +a troop of dreadful creatures, fabulous and not fabulous, that were more +abominable to a human heart than Fanny and the dawn were delightful. + +Miss Fanny of the Bath road, strictly speaking, lived at a mile's distance +from that road, but came so continually to meet the mail, that I on my +frequent transits rarely missed her, and naturally connected her name +with the great thoroughfare where I saw her; I do not exactly know, but I +believe with some burthen of commissions to be executed in Bath, her own +residence being probably the centre to which these commissions gathered. +The mail coachman, who wore the royal livery, being one amongst the +privileged few,[6] happened to be Fanny's grandfather. A good man he +was, that loved his beautiful granddaughter; and, loving her wisely, was +vigilant over her deportment in any case where young Oxford might happen +to be concerned. Was I then vain enough to imagine that I myself, +individually, could fall within the line of his terrors? Certainly not, +as regarded any physical pretensions that I could plead; for Fanny (as a +chance passenger from her own neighborhood once told me) counted in her +train a hundred and ninety-nine professed admirers, if not open aspirants +to her favor; and probably not one of the whole brigade but excelled myself +in personal advantages. Ulysses even, with the unfair advantage of his +accursed bow, could hardly have undertaken that amount of suitors. So +the danger might have seemed slight--only that woman is universally +aristocratic; it is amongst her nobilities of heart that she _is_ so. Now, +the aristocratic distinctions in my favor might easily with Miss Fanny have +compensated my physical deficiencies. Did I then make love to Fanny? Why, +yes; _mais oui donc_; as much love as one _can_ make whilst the mail is +changing horses, a process which ten years later did not occupy above +eighty seconds; but _then_, viz., about Waterloo, it occupied five times +eighty. Now, four hundred seconds offer a field quite ample enough for +whispering into a young woman's ear a great deal of truth; and (by way of +parenthesis) some trifle of falsehood. Grandpapa did right, therefore, to +watch me. And yet, as happens too often to the grandpapas of earth, in +a contest with the admirers of granddaughters, how vainly would he have +watched me had I meditated any evil whispers to Fanny! She, it is my +belief, would have protected herself against any man's evil suggestions. +But he, as the result showed, could not have intercepted the opportunities +for such suggestions. Yet he was still active; he was still blooming. +Blooming he was as Fanny herself. + + "Say, all our praises why should lords--" + +No, that's not the line. + + "Say, all our roses why should girls engross?" + +The coachman showed rosy blossoms on his face deeper even than his +granddaughter's,--_his_ being drawn from the ale cask, Fanny's from youth +and innocence, and from the fountains of the dawn. But, in spite of his +blooming face, some infirmities he had; and one particularly (I am very +sure, no _more_ than one,) in which he too much resembled a crocodile. This +lay in a monstrous inaptitude for turning round. The crocodile, I presume, +owes that inaptitude to the absurd _length_ of his back; but in our +grandpapa it arose rather from the absurd _breadth_ of his back, combined, +probably, with some growing stiffness in his legs. Now upon this crocodile +infirmity of his I planted an easy opportunity for tendering my homage to +Miss Fanny. In defiance of all his honorable vigilance, no sooner had he +presented to us his mighty Jovian back (what a field for displaying to +mankind his royal scarlet!) whilst inspecting professionally the buckles, +the straps, and the silver turrets of his harness, than I raised Miss +Fanny's hand to my lips, and, by the mixed tenderness and respectfulness of +my manner, caused her easily to understand how happy it would have made +me to rank upon her list as No. 10 or 12, in which case a few casualties +amongst her lovers (and observe--they _hanged_ liberally in those days) +might have promoted me speedily to the top of the tree; as, on the other +hand, with how much loyalty of submission I acquiesced in her allotment, +supposing that she had seen reason to plant me in the very rearward of her +favor, as No. 199+1. It must not be supposed that I allowed any trace +of jest, or even of playfulness, to mingle with these expressions of my +admiration; that would have been insulting to her, and would have been +false as regarded my own feelings. In fact, the utter shadowyness of our +relations to each other, even after our meetings through seven or eight +years had been very numerous, but of necessity had been very brief, being +entirely on mail-coach allowance--timid, in reality, by the General +Post-Office--and watched by a crocodile belonging to the antepenultimate +generation, left it easy for me to do a thing which few people ever _can_ +have done--viz., to make love for seven years, at the same time to be +as sincere as ever creature was, and yet never to compromise myself by +overtures that might have been foolish as regarded my own interests, +or misleading as regarded hers. Most truly I loved this beautiful and +ingenuous girl; and had it not been for the Bath and Bristol mail, heaven +only knows what might have come of it. People talk of being over head and +ears in love--now, the mail was the cause that I sank only over ears in +love, which, you know, still left a trifle of brain to overlook the whole +conduct of the affair. I have mentioned the case at all for the sake of +a dreadful result from it in after years of dreaming. But it seems, _ex +abundanti_, to yield this moral--viz., that as, in England, the idiot and +the half-wit are held to be under the guardianship of chancery, so the man +making love, who is often but a variety of the same imbecile class, ought +to be made a ward of the General Post-Office, whose severe course of +_timing_ and periodical interruption might intercept many a foolish +declaration, such as lays a solid foundation for fifty years' repentance. + +Ah, reader! when I look back upon those days, it seems to me that all +things change or perish. Even thunder and lightning, it pains me to say, +are not the thunder and lightning which I seem to remember about the +time of Waterloo. Roses, I fear, are degenerating, and, without a Red +revolution, must come to the dust. The Fannies of our island--though this +I say with reluctance--are not improving; and the Bath road is notoriously +superannuated. Mr. Waterton tells me that the crocodile does _not_ +change--that a cayman, in fact, or an alligator, is just as good for riding +upon as he was in the time of the Pharaohs. _That_ may be; but the reason +is, that the crocodile does not live fast--he is a slow coach. I believe +it is generally understood amongst naturalists, that the crocodile is a +blockhead. It is my own impression that the Pharaohs were also blockheads. +Now, as the Pharaohs and the crocodile domineered over Egyptian society, +this accounts for a singular mistake that prevailed on the Nile. The +crocodile made the ridiculous blunder of supposing man to be meant chiefly +for his own eating. Man, taking a different view of the subject, naturally +met that mistake by another; he viewed the crocodile as a thing sometimes +to worship, but always to run away from. And this continued until Mr. +Waterton changed the relations between the animals. The mode of escaping +from the reptile he showed to be, not by running away, but by leaping on +its back, booted and spurred. The two animals had misunderstood each other. +The use of the crocodile has now been cleared up--it is to be ridden; and +the use of man is, that he may improve the health of the crocodile by +riding him a fox-hunting before breakfast. And it is pretty certain that +any crocodile, who has been regularly hunted through the season, and is +master of the weight he carries, will take a six-barred gate now as well as +ever he would have done in the infancy of the pyramids. + +Perhaps, therefore, the crocodile does _not_ change, but all things else +_do_: even the shadow of the pyramids grows less. And often the restoration +in vision of Fanny and the Bath road, makes me too pathetically sensible of +that truth. Out of the darkness, if I happen to call up the image of Fanny +from thirty-five years back, arises suddenly a rose in June; or, if I think +for an instant of the rose in June, up rises the heavenly face of Fanny. +One after the other, like the antiphonies in the choral service, rises +Fanny and the rose in June, then back again the rose in June and Fanny. +Then come both together, as in a chorus; roses and Fannies, Fannies and +roses, without end--thick as blossoms in paradise. Then comes a venerable +crocodile, in a royal livery of scarlet and gold, or in a coat with sixteen +capes; and the crocodile is driving four-in-hand from the box of the +Bath mail. And suddenly we upon the mail are pulled up by a mighty dial, +sculptured with the hours, and with the dreadful legend of TOO LATE. Then +all at once we are arrived at Marlborough forest, amongst the lovely +households[7] of the roe-deer: these retire into the dewy thickets; the +thickets are rich with roses; the roses call up (as ever) the sweet +countenance of Fanny, who, being the granddaughter of a crocodile, awakens +a dreadful host of wild semi-legendary animals,--griffins, dragons, +basilisks, sphinxes,--till at length the whole vision of fighting images +crowds into one towering armorial shield, a vast emblazonry of human +charities and human loveliness that have perished, but quartered +heraldically with unutterable horrors of monstrous and demoniac natures, +whilst over all rises, as a surmounting crest, one fair female hand, with +the fore-finger pointing, in sweet, sorrowful admonition, upwards to +heaven, and having power (which, without experience, I never could have +believed) to awaken the pathos that kills in the very bosom of the horrors +that madden the grief that gnaws at the heart, together with the monstrous +creations of darkness that shock the belief, and make dizzy the reason of +man. This is the peculiarity that I wish the reader to notice, as having +first been made known to me for a possibility by this early vision of +Fanny on the Bath road. The peculiarity consisted in the confluence of two +different keys, though apparently repelling each other, into the music +and governing principles of the same dream; horror, such as possesses the +maniac, and yet, by momentary transitions, grief, such as may be supposed +to possess the dying mother when leaving her infant children to the mercies +of the cruel. Usually, and perhaps always, in an unshaken nervous system, +these two modes of misery exclude each other--here first they met in horrid +reconciliation. There was also a separate peculiarity in the quality of the +horror. This was afterwards developed into far more revolting complexities +of misery and incomprehensible darkness; and perhaps I am wrong in +ascribing any value as a _causative_ agency to this particular case on the +Bath road--possibly it furnished merely an _occasion_ that accidentally +introduced a mode of horrors certain, to any rate, to have grown up, +with or without the Bath road, from more advanced stages of the nervous +derangement. Yet, as the cubs of tigers or leopards, when domesticated, +have been observed to suffer a sudden development of their latent ferocity +under too eager an appeal to their playfulness--the gaieties of sport in +_them_ being too closely connected with the fiery brightness of their +murderous instincts--so I have remarked that the caprices, the gay +arabesques, and the lovely floral luxuriations of dreams, betray a shocking +tendency to pass into finer maniacal splendors. That gaiety, for instance +(for such as first it was,) in the dreaming faculty, by which one principal +point of resemblance to a crocodile in the mail-coachman was soon made to +clothe him with the form of a crocodile, and yet was blended with accessory +circumstances derived from his _human_ functions, passed rapidly into a +further development, no longer gay or playful, but terrific, the most +terrific that besieges dreams, viz--the horrid inoculation upon each other +of incompatible natures. This horror has always been secretly felt by +man; it was felt even under pagan forms of religion, which offered a very +feeble, and also a very limited gamut for giving expression to the human +capacities of sublimity or of horror. We read it in the fearful composition +of the sphinx. The dragon, again, is the snake inoculated upon the +scorpion. The basilisk unites the mysterious malice of the evil eye, +unintentional on the part of the unhappy agent, with the intentional venom +of some other malignant natures. But these horrid complexities of evil +agency are but _objectively_ horrid; they inflict the horror suitable to +their compound nature; but there is no insinuation that they _feel_ that +horror. Heraldry is so full of these fantastic creatures, that, in some +zoologies, we find a separate chapter or a supplement dedicated to what is +denominated heraldic zoology. And why not? For these hideous creatures, +however visionary[8], have a real traditionary ground in medieval +belief--sincere and partly reasonable, though adulterating with mendacity, +blundering, credulity, and intense superstition. But the dream-horror +which I speak of is far more frightful. The dreamer finds housed +within himself--occupying, as it were, some separate chamber in his +brain--holding, perhaps, from that station a secret and detestable commerce +with his own heart--some horrid alien nature. What if it were his own +nature repeated,--still, if the duality were distinctly perceptible, even +_that_--even this mere numerical double of his own consciousness--might +be a curse too mighty to be sustained. But how, if the alien nature +contradicts his own, fights with it, perplexes, and confounds it? How, +again, if not one alien nature, but two, but three, but four, but five, are +introduced within what once he thought the inviolable sanctuary of himself? +These, however, are horrors from the kingdoms of anarchy and darkness, +which, by their very intensity, challenge the sanctity of concealment, and +gloomily retire from exposition. Yet it was necessary to mention them, +because the first introduction to such appearances (whether causal, +or merely casual) lay in the heraldic monsters, (which monsters were +themselves introduced though playfully,) by the transfigured coachman of +the Bath mail. + + +GOING DOWN WITH VICTORY. + +But the grandest chapter of our experience, within the whole mail-coach +service, was on those occasions when we went down from London with the +news of victory. A period of about ten years stretched from Trafalgar to +Waterloo: the second and third years of which period (1806 and 1807) +were comparatively sterile; but the rest, from 1805 to 1815 inclusively, +furnished a long succession of victories; the least of which, in a contest +of that portentous nature, had an inappreciable value of position--partly +for its absolute interference with the plans of our enemy, but still +more from its keeping alive in central Europe the sense of a deep-seated +vulnerability in France. Even to tease the coasts of our enemy, to mortify +them by continual blockades, to insult them by capturing if it were but a +baubling schooner under the eyes of their arrogant armies, repeated from +time to time a sullen proclamation of power lodged in a quarter to which +the hopes of Christendom turned in secret. How much more loudly must this +proclamation have spoken in the audacity[9] of having bearded the _elite_ +of their troops, and having beaten them in pitched battles! Five years of +life it was worth paying down for the privilege of an outside place on a +mail-coach, when carrying down the first tidings of any such event. And it +is to be noted that, from our insular situation, and the multitude of our +frigates disposable for the rapid transmission of intelligence, rarely +did any unauthorized rumor steal away a prelibation from the aroma of the +regular dispatches. The government official news was generally the first +news. + +From eight, P.M. to fifteen or twenty minutes later, imagine the mails +assembled on parade in Lombard Street, where, at that time, was seated the +General Post-Office. In what exact strength we mustered I do not remember; +but, from the length of each separate _attelage_, we filled the street, +though a long one, and though we were drawn up in double file. On _any_ +night the spectacle was beautiful. The absolute perfection of all the +appointments about the carriages and the harness, and the magnificence of +the horses, were what might first have fixed the attention. Every +carriage, on every morning in the year, was taken down to an inspector +for examination--wheels, axles, linch-pins, pole, glasses, &c., were +all critically probed and tested. Every part of every carriage had been +cleaned, every horse had been groomed, with as much rigor as if they +belonged to a private gentleman; and that part of the spectacle offered +itself always. But the night before us is a night of victory; and behold! +to the ordinary display, what a heart-shaking addition!--horses, men, +carriages--all are dressed in laurels and flowers, oak leaves and ribbons. +The guards, who are his majesty's servants, and the coachmen, who are +within the privilege of the post-office, wear the royal liveries of course; +and as it is summer (for all the _land_ victories were won in summer,) they +wear, on this fine evening, these liveries exposed to view, without any +covering of upper coats. Such a costume, and the elaborate arrangement of +the laurels in their hats, dilated their hearts, by giving to them openly +an _official_ connection with the great news, in which already they have +the general interest of patriotism. That great national sentiment surmounts +and quells all sense of ordinary distinctions. Those passengers who happen +to be gentlemen are now hardly to be distinguished as such except by dress. +The usual reserve of their manner in speaking to the attendants has on this +night melted away. One heart, one pride, one glory, connects every man +by the transcendent bond of his English blood. The spectators, who are +numerous beyond precedent, express their sympathy with these fervent +feelings by continual hurrahs. Every moment are shouted aloud by the +post-office servants the great ancestral names of cities known to history +through a thousand years,--Lincoln, Winchester, Portsmouth, Gloucester, +Oxford, Bristol, Manchester, York, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Perth, +Glasgow--expressing the grandeur of the empire by the antiquity of its +towns, and the grandeur of the mail establishment by the diffusive +radiation of its separate missions. Every moment you hear the thunder of +lids locked down upon the mail-bags. That sound to each individual mail is +the signal for drawing off, which process is the finest part of the entire +spectacle. Then come the horses into play,--horses! can these be horses +that (unless powerfully reined in) would bound off with the action and +gestures of leopards? What stir!--what sea-like ferment!--what a thundering +of wheels, what a trampling of horses!--what farewell cheers--what +redoubling peals of brotherly congratulation, connecting the name of the +particular mail--"Liverpool for ever!"--with the name of the particular +victory--"Badajoz for ever!" or "Salamanca for ever!" The half-slumbering +consciousness that, all night long and all the next day--perhaps for even +a longer period--many of these mails, like fire racing along a train of +gunpowder, will be kindling at every instant new successions of burning +joy, has an obscure effect of multiplying the victory itself, by +multiplying to the imagination into infinity the stages of its progressive +diffusion. A fiery arrow seems to be let loose, which from that moment +is destined to travel, almost without intermission, westwards for three +hundred[10] miles--northwards for six hundred; and the sympathy of our +Lombard Street friends at parting is exalted a hundred fold by a sort of +visionary sympathy with the approaching sympathies, yet unborn, which we +are going to evoke. + +Liberated from the embarrassments of the city, and issuing into the broad +uncrowded avenues of the northern suburbs, we begin to enter upon our +natural pace of ten miles an hour. In the broad light of the summer +evening, the sun, perhaps, only just at the point of setting, we are +seen from every story of every house. Heads of every age crowd to +the windows--young and old understand the language of our victorious +symbols--and rolling volleys of sympathizing cheers run along behind and +before our course. The beggar, rearing himself against the wall, forgets +his lameness--real or assumed--thinks not of his whining trade, but stands +erect, with bold exulting smiles, as we pass him. The victory has healed +him, and says--Be thou whole! Women and children, from garrets alike and +cellars, look down or look up with loving eyes upon our gay ribbons and our +martial laurels--sometimes kiss their hands, sometimes hang out, as signals +of affection, pocket handkerchiefs, aprons, dusters, anything that lies +ready to their hands. On the London side of Barnet, to which we draw near +within a few minutes after nine, observe that private carriage which is +approaching us. The weather being so warm, the glasses are all down; and +one may read, as on the stage of a theatre, everything that goes on within +the carriage. It contains three ladies, one likely to be "mama," and two +of seventeen or eighteen, who are probably her daughters. What lovely +animation, what beautiful unpremeditated pantomime, explaining to us every +syllable that passes, in these ingenuous girls! By the sudden start and +raising of the hands, on first discovering our laurelled equipage--by the +sudden movement and appeal to the elder lady from both of them--and by the +heightened color on their animated countenances, we can almost hear them +saying--"See, see! Look at their laurels. Oh, mama! there has been a great +battle in Spain; and it has been a great victory." In a moment we are on +the point of passing them. We passengers--I on the box, and the two on the +roof behind me--raise our hats, the coachman makes his professional salute +with the whip; the guard even, though punctilious on the matter of his +dignity as an officer under the crown, touches his hat. The ladies move to +us, in return, with a winning graciousness of gesture: all smile on each +side in a way that nobody could misunderstand, and that nothing short of a +grand national sympathy could so instantaneously prompt. Will these ladies +say that we are nothing to _them_? Oh, no; they will not say _that_. They +cannot deny--they do not deny--that for this night they are our sisters: +gentle or simple, scholar or illiterate servant, for twelve hours to +come--we on the outside have the honor to be their brothers. Those poor +women again, who stop to gaze upon us with delight at the entrance of +Barnet, and seem, by their air of weariness, to be returning from labor--do +you mean to say that they are washerwomen and char-women? Oh, my poor +friend, you are quite mistaken; they are nothing of the kind. I assure you +they stand in a higher rank; for this one night they feel themselves by +birthright to be daughters of England, and answer to no humbler title. + +Every joy, however, even rapturous joy--such is the sad law of earth--may +carry with it grief, or fear of grief, to some. Three miles beyond Barnet, +we see approaching us another private carriage, nearly repeating the +circumstances of the former case. Here, also, the glasses are all +down--here, also, is an elderly lady seated; but the two amiable daughters +are missing; for the single young person, sitting by the lady's side, seems +to be an attendant--so I judge from her dress, and her air of respectful +reserve. The lady is in mourning; and her countenance expresses sorrow. +At first she does not look up; so that I believe she is not aware of our +approach, until she hears the measured beating of our horses' hoofs. Then +she raises her eyes to settle them painfully on our triumphal equipage. +Our decorations explain the case to her at once; but she beholds them with +apparent anxiety, or even with terror. Some time before this, I, finding it +difficult to hit a flying mark, when embarrassed by the coachman's person +and reins intervening, had given to the guard a _Courier_ evening paper, +containing the gazette, for the next carriage that might pass. Accordingly +he tossed it in so folded that the huge capitals expressing some such +legend as--GLORIOUS VICTORY, might catch the eye at once. To see the paper, +however, at all, interpreted as it was by our ensigns of triumph, explained +everything; and, if the guard were right in thinking the lady to have +received it with a gesture of horror, it could not be doubtful that she had +suffered some deep personal affliction in connection with this Spanish war. + +Here now was the case of one, who, having formerly suffered, might, +erroneously perhaps, be distressing herself with anticipations of another +similar suffering. That same night, and hardly three hours later, occurred +the reverse case. A poor woman, who too probably would find herself, in a +day or two, to have suffered the heaviest of afflictions by the battle, +blindly allowed herself to express an exultation so unmeasured in the +news, and its details, as gave to her the appearance which amongst Celtic +Highlanders is called _fey_. This was at some little town, I forget what, +where we happened to change horses near midnight. Some fair or wake had +kept the people up out of their beds. We saw many lights moving about as +we drew near; and perhaps the most impressive scene on our route was our +reception at this place. The flashing of torches and the beautiful radiance +of blue lights (technically Bengal lights) upon the heads of our horses; +the fine effect of such a showery and ghostly illumination falling upon +flowers and glittering laurels, whilst all around the massy darkness seemed +to invest us with walls of impenetrable blackness, together with the +prodigious enthusiasm of the people, composed a picture at once scenical +and affecting. As we staid for three or four minutes, I alighted. And +immediately from a dismantled stall in the street, where perhaps she had +been presiding at some part of the evening, advanced eagerly a middle-aged +woman. The sight of my newspaper it was that had drawn her attention upon +myself. The victory which we were carrying down to the provinces on _this_ +occasion was the imperfect one of Talavera. I told her the main outline of +the battle. But her agitation, though not the agitation of fear, but of +exultation rather, and enthusiasm, had been so conspicuous when listening, +and when first applying for information, that I could not but ask her if +she had not some relation in the Peninsular army. Oh! yes: her only son was +there. In what regiment? He was a trooper in the 23d Dragoons. My heart +sank within me as she made that answer. This sublime regiment, which an +Englishman should never mention without raising his hat to their memory, +had made the most memorable and effective charge recorded in military +annals. They leaped their horses--_over_ a trench where they could, _into_ +it, and with the result of death or mutilation when they could _not_. What +proportion cleared the trench is nowhere stated. Those who _did_, closed up +and went down upon the enemy with such divinity of fervor--(I use the +word _divinity_ by design: the inspiration of God must have prompted this +movement to those whom even then he was calling to his presence)--that two +results followed. As regarded the enemy, this 23d Dragoons, not, I believe, +originally three hundred and fifty strong, paralyzed a French column, six +thousand strong, then ascending the hill, and fixed the gaze of the whole +French army. As regarded themselves, the 23d were supposed at first to have +been all but annihilated; but eventually, I believe, not so many as one in +four survived. And this, then, was the regiment--a regiment already for +some hours known to myself and all London, as stretched, by a large +majority, upon one bloody aceldama--in which the young trooper served whose +mother was now talking with myself in a spirit of such hopeful enthusiasm. +Did I tell her the truth? Had I the heart to break up her dreams? No. I +said to myself, to-morrow, or the next day, she will hear the worst. For +this night, wherefore should she not sleep in peace? After to-morrow, +the chances are too many that peace will forsake her pillow. This brief +respite, let her owe this to _my_ gift and _my_ forbearance. But, if I told +her not of the bloody price that had been paid, there was no reason for +suppressing the contributions from her son's regiment to the service and +glory of the day. For the very few words that I had time for speaking, I +governed myself accordingly. I showed her not the funeral banners under +which the noble regiment was sleeping. I lifted not the overshadowing +laurels from the bloody trench in which horse and rider lay mangled +together. But I told her how these dear children of England, privates and +officers, had leaped their horses over all obstacles as gaily as hunters to +the morning's chase. I told her how they rode their horses into the mists +of death, (saying to myself, but not saying to _her_,) and laid down their +young lives for thee, O mother England! as willingly--poured out their +noble blood as cheerfully--as ever, after a long day's sport, when infants, +they had rested their wearied heads upon their mother's knees, or had sunk +to sleep in her arms. It is singular that she seemed to have no fears, even +after this knowledge that the 23d Dragoons had been conspicuously engaged, +for her son's safety: but so much was she enraptured by the knowledge that +_his_ regiment, and therefore _he_, had rendered eminent service in the +trying conflict--a service which had actually made them the foremost topic +of conversation in London--that in the mere simplicity of her fervent +nature, she threw her arms round my neck, and, poor woman, kissed me. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +Lady Madeline Gordon.] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Vast distances_."--One case was familiar to mail-coach travellers, where +two mails in opposite directions, north and south, starting at the same +minute from points six hundred miles apart, met almost constantly at a +particular bridge which exactly bisected the total distance.] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Resident_."--The number on the books was far greater, many of whom kept +up an intermitting communication with Oxford. But I speak of those only who +were steadily pursuing their academic studies, and of those who resided +constantly as _fellows_.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_Snobs_," and its antithesis, "_nobs_," arose among the internal fractions +of shoemakers perhaps ten years later. Possibly enough, the terms may have +existed much earlier; but they were then first made known, picturesquely +and effectively, by a trial at some assizes which happened to fix the +public attention.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_False echoes_"--yes, false! for the words ascribed to Napoleon, as +breathed to the memory of Desaix, never were uttered at all.--They stand +in the same category of theatrical inventions as the cry of the foundering +_Vengeur_, as the vaunt of General Cambronne at Waterloo, "_La Garde meurt, +mais ne se rend pas_," as the repartees of Talleyrand.] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_Privileged few_." The general impression was, that this splendid costume +belonged of right to the mail-coachmen as their professional dress. But +that was an error. To the guard it _did_ belong, as a matter of course, and +was essential as an official warrant, and a means of instant identification +for his person, in the discharge of his important public duties. But the +coachman, and especially if his place in the series did not connect him +immediately with London and the General Post-Office, obtained the scarlet +coat only as an honorary distinction after long or special service.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Households_."--Roe-deer do not congregate in herds like the fallow or the +red deer, but by separate families, parents, and children; which feature +of approximation to the sanctity of human hearths, added to their +comparatively miniature and graceful proportions, conciliate to them +an interest of a peculiarly tender character, if less dignified by the +grandeurs of savage and forest life.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_However visionary_."--But _are_ they always visionary? the unicorn, the +kraken, the sea-serpent, are all, perhaps, zoological facts. The unicorn, +for instance, so far from being a lie, is rather _too_ true; for, simply +as a _monokeras_, he is found in the Himalaya, in Africa, and elsewhere, +rather too often for the peace of what in Scotland would be called the +_intending_ traveller. That which really _is_ a lie in the account of the +unicorn--viz., his legendary rivalship with the lion--which lie may God +preserve, in preserving the mighty imperial shield that embalms it--cannot +be more destructive to the zoological pretensions of the unicorn, than +are to the same pretensions in the lion our many popular crazes about his +goodness and magnanimity, or the old fancy (adopted by Spenser, and noticed +by so many among our elder poets) of his graciousness to maiden innocence. +The wretch is the basest and most cowardly among the forest tribes; nor +has the sublime courage of the English bull-dog ever been so memorably +exhibited as in his hopeless fight at Warwick with the cowardly and cruel +lion called Wallace. Another of the traditional creatures, still doubtful, +is the mermaid, upon which Southey once remarked to me, that, if it +had been differently named (as, suppose, a mer-ape,) nobody would have +questioned its existence any more than that of sea-cows, sea-lions, &c. +The mermaid has been discredited by her human name and her legendary human +habits. If she would not coquette so much with melancholy sailors, and +brush her hair so assiduously upon solitary rocks, she would be carried on +our books for as honest a reality, as decent a female, as many that are +assessed to the poor-rates.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Audacity_!"--Such the French accounted it; and it has struck me that +Soult would not have been so popular in London, at the period of her +present Majesty's coronation, or in Manchester, on occasion of his visit to +that town, if they had been aware of the insolence with which he spoke of +us in notes written at intervals from the field of Waterloo. As though it +had been mere felony in our army to look a French one in the face, he said +more than once--"Here are the English--we have them: they are caught _en +flagrant delit_" Yet no man should have known us better; no man had drunk +deeper from the cup of humiliation than Soult had in the north of Portugal, +during the flight from an English army, and subsequently at Albuera, in the +bloodiest of recorded battles.] + +[NOTE 10. + +"_Three hundred_." Of necessity this scale of measurement, to an American, +if he happens to be a thoughtless man, must sound ludicrous. Accordingly, I +remember a case in which an American writer indulges himself in the luxury +of a little lying, by ascribing to an Englishman a pompous account of +the Thames, constructed entirely upon American ideas of grandeur, and +concluding in something like these terms:--"And, sir, arriving at London, +this mighty father of rivers attains a breadth of at least two furlongs, +having, in its winding course, traversed the astonishing distance of one +hundred and seventy miles." And this the candid American thinks it fair to +contrast with the scale of the Mississippi. Now, it is hardly worth while +to answer a pure falsehood gravely, else one might say that no Englishman +out of Bedlam ever thought of looking in an island for the rivers of +a continent; nor, consequently, could have thought of looking for the +peculiar grandeur of the Thames in the length of its course, or in the +extent of soil which it drains: yet, if he _had_ been so absurd, the +American might have recollected that a river, not to be compared with the +Thames even as to volume of water--viz. the Tiber--has contrived to make +itself heard of in this world for twenty-five centuries to an extent +not reached, nor likely to be reached very soon, by any river, however +corpulent, of his own land. The glory of the Thames is measured by the +density of the population to which it ministers, by the commerce which +it supports, by the grandeur of the empire in which, though far from the +largest, it is the most influential stream. Upon some such scale, and not +by a transfer of Columbian standards, is the course of our English mails to +be valued. The American may fancy the effect of his own valuations to our +English ears, by supposing the case of a Siberian glorifying his country in +these terms:--"These rascals, sir, in France and England, cannot march half +a mile in any direction without finding a house where food can be had and +lodging; whereas, such is the noble desolation of our magnificent country, +that in many a direction for a thousand miles, I will engage a dog shall +not find shelter from a snow-storm, nor a wren find an apology for +breakfast."] + + + +THE VISION OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + +[THE reader is to understand this present paper, in its two sections of +_The Vision_, &c., and _The Dream-Fugue_, as connected with a previous +paper on _The English Mail-Coach_. The ultimate object was the Dream-Fugue, +as an attempt to wrestle with the utmost efforts of music in dealing with +a colossal form of impassioned horror. The Vision of Sudden Death contains +the mail-coach incident, which did really occur, and did really suggest +the variations of the Dream, here taken up by the Fugue, as well as other +variations not now recorded. Confluent with these impressions, from the +terrific experience on the Manchester and Glasgow mail, were other and more +general impressions, derived from long familiarity with the English mail, +as developed in the former paper; impressions, for instance, of animal +beauty and power, of rapid motion, at that time unprecedented, of +connection with the government and public business of a great nation, but, +above all, of connection with the national victories at an unexampled +crisis,--the mail being the privileged organ for publishing and dispersing +all news of that kind. From this function of the mail, arises naturally the +introduction of Waterloo into the fourth variation of the Fogue; for the +mail itself having been carried into the dreams by the incident in the +Vision, naturally all the accessory circumstances of pomp and grandeur +investing this national carriage followed in the train of the principal +image.] + +What is to be thought of sudden death? It is remarkable that, in different +conditions of society it has been variously regarded as the consummation of +an earthly career most fervently to be desired, and, on the other hand, +as that consummation which is most of all to be deprecated. Caesar the +Dictator, at his last dinner party, (_coena_,) and the very evening before +his assassination, being questioned as to the mode of death which, in _his_ +opinion, might seem the most eligible, replied--"That which should be most +sudden." On the other hand, the divine Litany of our English Church, when +breathing forth supplications, as if in some representative character for +the whole human race prostrate before God, places such a death in the very +van of horrors. "From lightning and tempest; from plague, pestilence, and +famine; from battle and murder, and from sudden death,--_Good Lord, deliver +us_." Sudden death is here made to crown the climax in a grand ascent of +calamities; it is the last of curses; and yet, by the noblest of Romans, +it was treated as the first of blessings. In that difference, most readers +will see little more than the difference between Christianity and Paganism. +But there I hesitate. The Christian church may be right in its estimate of +sudden death; and it is a natural feeling, though after all it may also +be an infirm one, to wish for a quiet dismissal from life--as that which +_seems_ most reconcilable with meditation, with penitential retrospects, +and with the humilities of farewell prayer. There does not, however, occur +to me any direct scriptural warrant for this earnest petition of the +English Litany. It seems rather a petition indulged to human infirmity, +than exacted from human piety. And, however _that_ may be, two remarks +suggest themselves as prudent restraints upon a doctrine, which else _may_ +wander, and _has_ wandered, into an uncharitable superstition. The first +is this: that many people are likely to exaggerate the horror of a sudden +death, (I mean the _objective_ horror to him who contemplates such a +death, not the _subjective_ horror to him who suffers it,) from the false +disposition to lay a stress upon words or acts, simply because by an +accident they have become words or acts. If a man dies, for instance, +by some sudden death when he happens to be intoxicated, such a death is +falsely regarded with peculiar horror; as though the intoxication were +suddenly exalted into a blasphemy. But _that_ is unphilosophic. The man +was, or he was not, _habitually_ a drunkard. If not, if his intoxication +were a solitary accident, there can be no reason at all for allowing +special emphasis to this act, simply because through misfortune it became +his final act. Nor, on the other hand, if it were no accident, but one of +his _habitual_ transgressions, will it be the more habitual or the more a +transgression, because some sudden calamity, surprising him, has caused +this habitual transgression to be also a final one? Could the man have had +any reason even dimly to foresee his own sudden death, there would have +been a new feature in his act of intemperance--a feature of presumption and +irreverence, as in one that by possibility felt himself drawing near to the +presence of God. But this is no part of the case supposed. And the only new +element in the man's act is not any element of extra immorality, but simply +of extra misfortune. + +The other remark has reference to the meaning of the word _sudden_. And it +is a strong illustration of the duty which for ever calls us to the stern +valuation of words--that very possibly Caeesar and the Christian church do +not differ in the way supposed; that is, do not differ by any difference +of doctrine as between Pagan and Christian views of the moral temper +appropriate to death, but that they are contemplating different cases. +Both contemplate a violent death; a [Greek: biathanatos]--death that +is [Greek: biaios]: but the difference is--that the Roman by the word +"sudden" means an _unlingering_ death: whereas the Christian Litany +by "sudden" means a death _without warning_, consequently without any +available summons to religious preparation. The poor mutineer, who kneels +down to gather into his heart the bullets from twelve firelocks of his +pitying comrades, dies by a most sudden death in Caesar's sense: one shock, +one mighty spasm, one (possibly _not_ one) groan, and all is over. But, +in the sense of the Litany, his death is far from sudden; his offence, +originally, his imprisonment, his trial, the interval between his sentence +and its execution, having all furnished him with separate warnings of his +fate--having all summoned him to meet it with solemn preparation. + +Meantime, whatever may be thought of a sudden death as a mere variety in +the modes of dying, where death in some shape is inevitable--a question +which, equally in the Roman and the Christian sense, will be variously +answered according to each man's variety of temperament--certainly, upon +one aspect of sudden death there can be no opening for doubt, that of all +agonies incident to man it is the most frightful, that of all martyrdoms it +is the most freezing to human sensibilities--namely, where it surprises a +man under circumstances which offer (or which seem to offer) some hurried +and inappreciable chance of evading it. Any effort, by which such an +evasion can be accomplished, must be as sudden as the danger which it +affronts. Even _that_, even the sickening necessity for hurrying in +extremity where all hurry seems destined to be vain, self-baffled, and +where the dreadful knell of _too_ late is already sounding in the ears by +anticipation--even that anguish is liable to a hideous exasperation in one +particular case, namely, where the agonising appeal is made not exclusively +to the instinct of self-preservation, but to the conscience, on behalf of +another life besides your own, accidentally cast upon _your_ protection. To +fail, to collapse in a service merely your own, might seem comparatively +venial; though, in fact, it is far from venial. But to fail in a case where +Providence has suddenly thrown into your hands the final interests of +another--of a fellow-creature shuddering between the gates of life and +death; this, to a man of apprehensive conscience, would mingle the misery +of an atrocious criminality with the misery of a bloody calamity. The man +is called upon, too probably, to die; but to die at the very moment when, +by any momentary collapse, he is self-denounced as a murderer. He had but +the twinkling of an eye for his effort, and that effort might, at the best, +have been unavailing; but from this shadow of a chance, small or great, how +if he has recoiled by a treasonable _lachete_? The effort _might_ have been +without hope; but to have risen to the level of that effort, would have +rescued him, though not from dying, yet from dying as a traitor to his +duties. + +The situation here contemplated exposes a dreadful ulcer, lurking far down +in the depths of human nature. It is not that men generally are summoned +to face such awful trials. But potentially, and in shadowy outline, such +a trial is moving subterraneously in perhaps all men's natures--muttering +under ground in one world, to be realized perhaps in some other. Upon the +secret mirror of our dreams such a trial is darkly projected at intervals, +perhaps, to every one of us. That dream, so familiar to childhood, of +meeting a lion, and, from languishing prostration in hope and vital energy, +that constant sequel of lying down before him, publishes the secret +frailty of human nature--reveals its deep-seated Pariah falsehood to +itself--records its abysmal treachery. Perhaps not one of us escapes that +dream; perhaps, as by some sorrowful doom of man, that dream repeats for +every one of us, through every generation, the original temptation in Eden. +Every one of us, in this dream, has a bait offered to the infirm places of +his own individual will; once again a snare is made ready for leading him +into captivity to a luxury of ruin; again, as in aboriginal Paradise, the +man falls from innocence; once again, by infinite iteration, the ancient +Earth groans to God, through her secret caves, over the weakness of her +child; "Nature, from her seat, sighing through all her works," again "gives +signs of woe that all is lost;" and again the counter sigh is repeated to +the sorrowing heavens of the endless rebellion against God. Many people +think that one man, the patriarch of our race, could not in his single +person execute this rebellion for all his race. Perhaps they are wrong. +But, even if not, perhaps in the world of dreams every one of us ratifies +for himself the original act. Our English rite of "Confirmation," by which, +in years of awakened reason, we take upon us the engagements contracted +for us in our slumbering infancy,--how sublime a rite is that! The little +postern gate, through which the baby in its cradle had been silently placed +for a time within the glory of God's countenance, suddenly rises to the +clouds as a triumphal arch, through which, with banners displayed and +martial pomps, we make our second entry as crusading soldiers militant +for God, by personal choice and by sacramental oath. Each man says in +effect--"Lo! I rebaptise myself; and that which once was sworn on my +behalf, now I swear for myself." Even so in dreams, perhaps, under some +secret conflict of the midnight sleeper, lighted up to the consciousness +at the time, but darkened to the memory as soon as all is finished, each +several child of our mysterious race completes for himself the aboriginal +fall. + +As I drew near to the Manchester post office, I found that it was +considerably past midnight; but to my great relief, as it was important for +me to be in Westmorland by the morning, I saw by the huge saucer eyes of +the mail, blazing through the gloom of overhanging houses, that my chance +was not yet lost. Past the time it was; but by some luck, very unusual in +my experience, the mail was not even yet ready to start. I ascended to +my seat on the box, where my cloak was still lying as it had lain at +the Bridgewater Arms. I had left it there in imitation of a nautical +discoverer, who leaves a bit of bunting on the shore of his discovery, by +way of warning off the ground the whole human race, and signalising to the +Christian and the heathen worlds, with his best compliments, that he has +planted his throne for ever upon that virgin soil: henceforward claiming +the _jus dominii_ to the top of the atmosphere above it, and also the right +of driving shafts to the centre of the earth below it; so that all people +found after this warning, either aloft in the atmosphere, or in the +shafts, or squatting on the soil, will be treated as trespassers--that is, +decapitated by their very faithful and obedient servant, the owner of the +said bunting. Possibly my cloak might not have been respected, and the _jus +gentium_ might have been cruelly violated in my person--for, in the dark, +people commit deeds of darkness, gas being a great ally of morality--but it +so happened that, on this night, there was no other outside passenger; +and the crime, which else was but too probable, missed fire for want of +a criminal. By the way, I may as well mention at this point, since a +circumstantial accuracy is essential to the effect of my narrative, that +there was no other person of any description whatever about the mail--the +guard, the coachman, and myself being allowed for--except only one--a +horrid creature of the class known to the world as insiders, but whom young +Oxford called sometimes "Trojans," in opposition to our Grecian selves, and +sometimes "vermin." A Turkish Effendi, who piques himself on good breeding, +will never mention by name a pig. Yet it is but too often that he has +reason to mention this animal; since constantly, in the streets of +Stamboul, he has his trousers deranged or polluted by this vile creature +running between his legs. But under any excess of hurry he is always +careful, out of respect to the company he is dining with, to suppress the +odious name, and to call the wretch "that other creature," as though all +animal life beside formed one group, and this odious beast (to whom, as +Chrysippus observed, salt serves as an apology for a soul) formed another +and alien group on the outside of creation. Now I, who am an English +Effendi, that think myself to understand good-breeding as well as any son +of Othman, beg my reader's pardon for having mentioned an insider by his +gross natural name. I shall do so no more; and, if I should have occasion +to glance at so painful a subject, I shall always call him "that other +creature." Let us hope, however, that no such distressing occasion will +arise. But, by the way, an occasion arises at this moment; for the reader +will be sure to ask, when we come to the story, "Was this other creature +present?" He was _not_; or more correctly, perhaps, _it_ was not. We +dropped the creature--or the creature, by natural imbecility, dropped +itself--within the first ten miles from Manchester. In the latter case, I +wish to make a philosophic remark of a moral tendency. When I die, or when +the reader dies, and by repute suppose of fever, it will never be known +whether we died in reality of the fever or of the doctor. But this other +creature, in the case of dropping out of the coach, will enjoy a coroner's +inquest; consequently he will enjoy an epitaph. For I insist upon it, that +the verdict of a coroner's jury makes the best of epitaphs. It is brief, so +that the public all find time to read; it is pithy, so that the surviving +friends (if any _can_ survive such a loss) remember it without fatigue; it +is upon oath, so that rascals and Dr. Johnsons cannot pick holes in it. +"Died through the visitation of intense stupidity, by impinging on a +moonlight night against the off hind wheel of the Glasgow mail! Deodand +upon the said wheel--two-pence." What a simple lapidary inscription! Nobody +much in the wrong but an off-wheel; and with few acquaintances; and if it +were but rendered into choice Latin, though there would be a little bother +in finding a Ciceronian word for "off-wheel," Marcellus himself, that great +master of sepulchral eloquence, could not show a better. Why I call this +little remark _moral_, is, from the compensation it points out. Here, by +the supposition, is that other creature on the one side, the beast of the +world; and he (or it) gets an epitaph. You and I, on the contrary, the +pride of our friends, get none. + +But why linger on the subject of vermin? Having mounted the box, I took a +small quantity of laudanum, having already travelled two hundred and fifty +miles--viz., from a point seventy miles beyond London, upon a simple +breakfast. In the taking of laudanum there was nothing extraordinary. But +by accident it drew upon me the special attention of my assessor on the +box, the coachman. And in _that_ there was nothing extraordinary. But by +accident, and with great delight, it drew my attention to the fact that +this coachman was a monster in point of size, and that he had but one eye. +In fact he had been foretold by Virgil as-- + + "Monstrum. horrendum, informe, ingens cui lumen adempium." + +He answered in every point--a monster he was--dreadful, shapeless, huge, +who had lost an eye. But why should _that_ delight me? Had he been one of +the Calendars in the Arabian Nights, and had paid down his eye as the price +of his criminal curiosity, what right had I to exult in his misfortune? I +did _not_ exult: I delighted in no man's punishment, though it were even +merited. But these personal distinctions identified in an instant an old +friend of mine, whom I had known in the south for some years as the most +masterly of mail-coachmen. He was the man in all Europe that could best +have undertaken to drive six-in-hand full gallop over _Al Sirat_--that +famous bridge of Mahomet across the bottomless gulf, backing himself +against the Prophet and twenty such fellows. I used to call him _Cyclops +mastigophorus_, Cyclops the whip-bearer, until I observed that his skill +made whips useless, except to fetch off an impertinent fly from a leader's +head; upon which I changed his Grecian name to Cyclops _diphrelates_ +(Cyclops the charioteer.) I, and others known to me, studied under him the +diphrelatic art. Excuse, reader, a word too elegant to be pedantic. And +also take this remark from me, as a _gage d'amitie_--that no word ever +was or _can_ be pedantic which, by supporting a distinction, supports the +accuracy of logic; or which fills up a chasm for the understanding. As a +pupil, though I paid extra fees, I cannot say that I stood high in +his esteem. It showed his dogged honesty, (though, observe, not his +discernment,) that he could not see my merits. Perhaps we ought to excuse +his absurdity in this particular by remembering his want of an eye. _That_ +made him blind to my merits. Irritating as this blindness was, (surely +it could not be envy?) he always courted my conversation, in which art I +certainly had the whip-hand of him. On this occasion, great joy was at our +meeting. But what was Cyclops doing here? Had the medical men recommended +northern air, or how? I collected, from such explanations as he +volunteered, that he had an interest at stake in a suit-at-law pending at +Lancaster; so that probably he had got himself transferred to this station, +for the purpose of connecting with his professional pursuits an instant +readiness for the calls of his lawsuit. + +Meantime, what are we stopping for? Surely, we've been waiting long enough. +Oh, this procrastinating mail, and oh this procrastinating post-office! +Can't they take a lesson upon that subject from _me_? Some people have +called _me_ procrastinating. Now you are witness, reader, that I was in +time for _them_. But can _they_ lay their hands on their hearts, and say +that they were in time for me? I, during my life, have often had to wait +for the post-office; the post-office never waited a minute for me. What are +they about? The guard tells me that there is a large extra accumulation of +foreign mails this night, owing to irregularities caused by war and by the +packet service, when as yet nothing is done by steam. For an _extra_ hour, +it seems, the post-office has been engaged in threshing out the pure +wheaten correspondence of Glasgow, and winnowing it from the chaff of all +baser intermediate towns. We can hear the flails going at this moment. But +at last all is finished. Sound your horn, guard. Manchester, good bye; +we've lost an hour by your criminal conduct at the post-office; which, +however, though I do not mean to part with a serviceable ground of +complaint, and one which really is such for the horses, to me secretly is +an advantage, since it compels us to recover this last hour amongst the +next eight or nine. Off we are at last, and at eleven miles an hour; and at +first I detect no changes in the energy or in the skill of Cyclops. + +From Manchester to Kendal, which virtually (though not in law) is the +capital of Westmoreland, were at this time seven stages of eleven miles +each. The first five of these, dated from Manchester, terminated in +Lancaster, which was therefore fifty-five miles north of Manchester, and +the same distance exactly from Liverpool. The first three terminated in +Preston, (called, by way of distinction from other towns of that name, +_proud_ Preston,) at which place it was that the separate roads from +Liverpool and from Manchester to the north became confluent. Within these +first three stages lay the foundation, the progress, and termination of our +night's adventure. During the first stage, I found out that Cyclops was +mortal: he was liable to the shocking affection of sleep--a thing which I +had never previously suspected. If a man is addicted to the vicious habit +of sleeping, all the skill in aurigation of Apollo himself, with the horses +of Aurora to execute the motions of his will, avail him nothing. "Oh, +Cyclops!" I exclaimed more than once, "Cyclops, my friend; thou art mortal. +Thou snorest." Through this first eleven miles, however, he betrayed +his infirmity--which I grieve to say he shared with the whole Pagan +Pantheon--only by short stretches. On waking up, he made an apology for +himself, which, instead of mending the matter, laid an ominous foundation +for coming disasters. The summer assizes were now proceeding at Lancaster: +in consequence of which, for three nights and three days, he had not lain +down in a bed. During the day, he was waiting for his uncertain summons as +a witness on the trial in which he was interested; or he was drinking with +the other witnesses, under the vigilant surveillance of the attorneys. +During the night, or that part of it when the least temptations existed to +conviviality, he was driving. Throughout the second stage he grew more and +more drowsy. In the second mile of the third stage, he surrendered himself +finally and without a struggle to his perilous temptation. All his past +resistance had but deepened the weight of this final oppression. Seven +atmospheres of sleep seemed resting upon him; and, to consummate the case, +our worthy guard, after singing "Love amongst the Roses," for the fiftieth +or sixtieth time, without any invitation from Cyclops or myself, and +without applause for his poor labors, had moodily resigned himself to +slumber--not so deep doubtless as the coachman's, but deep enough for +mischief; and having, probably, no similar excuse. And thus at last, about +ten miles from Preston, I found myself left in charge of his Majesty's +London and Glasgow mail, then running about eleven miles an hour. + +What made this negligence less criminal than else it must have been +thought, was the condition of the roads at night during the assizes. At +that time all the law business of populous Liverpool, and of populous +Manchester, with its vast cincture of populous rural districts, was called +up by ancient usage to the tribunal of Lilliputian Lancaster. To break up +this old traditional usage required a conflict with powerful established +interests, a large system of new arrangements, and a new parliamentary +statute. As things were at present, twice in the year so vast a body of +business rolled northwards, from the southern quarter of the county, that +a fortnight at least occupied the severe exertions of two judges for its +dispatch. The consequence of this was--that every horse available for such +a service, along the whole line of road, was exhausted in carrying down the +multitudes of people who were parties to the different suits. By sunset, +therefore, it usually happened that, through utter exhaustion amongst +men and horses, the roads were all silent. Except exhaustion in the vast +adjacent county of York from a contested election, nothing like it was +ordinarily witnessed in England. + +On this occasion, the usual silence and solitude prevailed along the road. +Not a hoof nor a wheel was to be heard. And to strengthen this false +luxurious confidence in the noiseless roads, it happened also that the +night was one of peculiar solemnity and peace. I myself, though slightly +alive to the possibilities of peril, had so far yielded to the influence of +the mighty calm as to sink into a profound reverie. The month was August, +in which lay my own birth-day; a festival to every thoughtful man +suggesting solemn and often sigh-born thoughts.[1] The county was my own +native county--upon which, in its southern section, more than upon any +equal area known to man past or present, had descended the original curse +of labour in its heaviest form, not mastering the bodies of men only as of +slaves, or criminals in mines, but working through the fiery will. Upon no +equal space of earth, was, or ever had been, the same energy of human +power put forth daily. At this particular season also of the assizes, that +dreadful hurricane of flight and pursuit, as it might have seemed to a +stranger, that swept to and from Lancaster all day long, hunting the +county up and down, and regularly subsiding about sunset, united with the +permanent distinction of Lancashire as the very metropolis and citadel of +labour, to point the thoughts pathetically upon that counter vision of +rest, of saintly repose from strife and sorrow, towards which, as to their +secret haven, the profounder aspirations of man's heart are continually +travelling. Obliquely we were nearing the sea upon our left, which also +must, under the present circumstances, be repeating the general state of +halcyon repose. The sea, the atmosphere, the light, bore an orchestral part +in this universal lull. Moonlight, in the first timid tremblings of the +dawn, were now blending: and the blendings were brought into a still more +exquisite state of unity, by a slight silvery mist, motionless and dreamy, +that covered the woods and fields, but with a veil of equable transparency. +Except the feet of our own horses, which, running on a sandy margin of the +road, made little disturbance, there was no sound abroad. In the clouds, +and on the earth, prevailed the same majestic peace; and in spite of all +that the villain of a schoolmaster has done for the ruin of our sublimer +thoughts, which are the thoughts of our infancy, we still believe in no +such nonsense as a limited atmosphere. Whatever we may swear with our false +feigning lips, in our faithful hearts we still believe, and must for ever +believe, in fields of air traversing the total gulf between earth and the +central heavens. Still, in the confidence of children that tread without +fear _every_ chamber in their father's house, and to whom no door is +closed, we, in that Sabbatic vision which sometimes is revealed for an hour +upon nights like this, ascend with easy steps from the sorrow-stricken +fields of earth, upwards to the sandals of God. + +[Footnote 1: "Sigh-born:" I owe the suggestion of this word to an obscure +remembrance of a beautiful phrase in Giraldus Gambrensis, viz., _suspiriosae +cogilationes_.] + +Suddenly from thoughts like these, I was awakened to a sullen sound, as +of some motion on the distant road. It stole upon the air for a moment; I +listened in awe; but then it died away. Once roused, however, I could not +but observe with alarm the quickened motion of our horses. Ten years' +experience had made my eye learned in the valuing of motion; and I saw that +we were now running thirteen miles an hour. I pretend to no presence of +mind. On the contrary, my fear is, that I am miserably and shamefully +deficient in that quality as regards action. The palsy of doubt and +distraction hangs like some guilty weight of dark unfathomed remembrances +upon my energies, when the signal is flying for _action_. But, on the other +hand, this accursed gift I have, as regards _thought_, that in the first +step towards the possibility of a misfortune, I see its total evolution: in +the radix I see too certainly and too instantly its entire expansion; in +the first syllable of the dreadful sentence, I read already the last. It +was not that I feared for ourselves. What could injure _us_? Our bulk and +impetus charmed us against peril in any collision. And I had rode through +too many hundreds of perils that were frightful to approach, that were +matter of laughter as we looked back upon them, for any anxiety to rest +upon _our_ interests. The mail was not built, I felt assured, nor bespoke, +that could betray _me_ who trusted to its protection. But any carriage that +we could meet would be frail and light in comparison of ourselves. And I +remarked this ominous accident of our situation. We were on the wrong side +of the road. But then the other party, if other there was, might also be on +the wrong side; and two wrongs might make a right. _That_ was not likely. +The same motive which had drawn _us_ to the right-hand side of the road, +viz., the soft beaten sand, as contrasted with the paved centre, would +prove attractive to others. Our lamps, still lighted, would give the +impression of vigilance on our part. And every creature that met us, would +rely upon _us_ for quartering.[1] All this, and if the separate links of +the anticipation had been a thousand times more, I saw--not discursively or +by effort--but as by one flash of horrid intuition. + +[Footnote 1: "_Quartering_"--this is the technical word; and, I presume +derived from the French _carlayer_, to evade a rut or any obstacle.] + +Under this steady though rapid anticipation of the evil which _might_ be +gathering ahead, ah, reader! what a sullen mystery of fear, what a sigh of +woe, seemed to steal upon the air, as again the far-off sound of a +wheel was heard! A whisper it was--a whisper from, perhaps, four miles +off--secretly announcing a ruin that, being foreseen, was not the less +inevitable. What could be done--who was it that could do it--to check the +storm-flight of these maniacal horses? What! could I not seize the reins +from the grasp of the slumbering coachman? You, reader, think that it would +have been in _your_ power to do so. And I quarrel not with your estimate of +yourself. But, from the way in which the coachman's hand was viced between +his upper and lower thigh, this was impossible. The guard subsequently +found it impossible, after this danger had passed. Not the grasp only, but +also the position of this Polyphemus, made the attempt impossible. You +still think otherwise. See, then, that bronze equestrian statue. The cruel +rider has kept the bit in his horse's mouth for two centuries. Unbridle +him, for a minute, if you please, and wash his mouth with water. Or stay, +reader, unhorse me that marble emperor; knock me those marble feet from +those marble stirrups of Charlemagne. + +The sounds ahead strengthened, and were now too clearly the sounds of +wheels. Who and what could it be? Was it industry in a taxed cart? Was it +youthful gaiety in a gig? Whoever it was, something must be attempted to +warn them. Upon the other party rests the active responsibility, but upon +_us_--and, woe is me! that _us_ was my single self--rest the responsibility +of warning. Yet, how should this be accomplished? Might I not seize the +guard's horn? Already, on the first thought, I was making my way over the +roof to the guard's seat. But this, from the foreign mails being piled upon +the roof, was a difficult, and even dangerous attempt, to one cramped by +nearly three hundred miles of outside travelling. And, fortunately, before +I had lost much time in the attempt, our frantic horses swept round an +angle of the road, which opened upon us the stage where the collision must +be accomplished, the parties that seemed summoned to the trial, and the +impossibility of saving them by any communication with the guard. + +Before us lay an avenue, straight as an arrow, six hundred yards, perhaps, +in length; and the umbrageous trees, which rose in a regular line from +either side, meeting high overhead, gave to it the character of a cathedral +aisle. These trees lent a deeper solemnity to the early light; but there +was still light enough to perceive, at the further end of this gothic +aisle, a light, reedy gig, in which were seated a young man, and, by his +side, a young lady. Ah, young sir! what are you about? If it is necessary +that you should whisper your communications to this young lady--though +really I see nobody at this hour, and on this solitary road, likely to +overhear your conversation--is it, therefore, necessary that you should +carry your lips forward to hers? The little carriage is creeping on at one +mile an hour; and the parties within it, being thus tenderly engaged, are +naturally bending down their heads. Between them and eternity, to all human +calculation, there is but a minute and a half. What is it that I shall do? +Strange it is, and to a mere auditor of the tale, might seem laughable, +that I should need a suggestion from the _Iliad_ to prompt the sole +recourse that remained. But so it was. Suddenly I remembered the shout of +Achilles, and its effect. But could I pretend to shout like the son of +Peleus, aided by Pallas? No, certainly: but then I needed not the shout +that should alarm all Asia militant; a shout would suffice, such as should +carry terror into the hearts of two thoughtless young people, and one +gig horse. I shouted--and the young man heard me not. A second time I +shouted--and now he heard me, for now he raised his head. + +Here, then, all had been done that, by me, _could_ be done: more on _my_ +part was not possible. Mine had been the first step: the second was for the +young man: the third was for God. If, said I, the stranger is a brave man, +and if, indeed, he loves the young girl at his side--or, loving her not, if +he feels the obligation pressing upon every man worthy to be called a man, +of doing his utmost for a woman confided to his protection--he will at +least make some effort to save her. If _that_ fails, he will not perish the +more, or by a death more cruel, for having made it; and he will die as a +brave man should, with his face to the danger, and with his arm about the +woman that he sought in vain to save. But if he makes no effort, shrinking, +without a struggle, from his duty, he himself will not the less certainly +perish for this baseness of poltroonery. He will die no less: and why not? +Wherefore should we grieve that there is one craven less in the world? No; +_let_ him perish, without a pitying thought of ours wasted upon him; and, +in that case, all our grief will be reserved for the fate of the helpless +girl, who now, upon the least shadow of failure in _him_, must, by the +fiercest of translations--must, without time for a prayer--must, within +seventy seconds, stand before the judgment-seat of God. + +But craven he was not: sudden had been the call upon him, and sudden was +his answer to the call. He saw, he heard, he comprehended, the ruin that +was coming down: already its gloomy shadow darkened above him; and already +he was measuring his strength to deal with it. Ah! what a vulgar thing does +courage seem, when we see nations buying it and selling it for a shilling a +day: ah! what a sublime thing does courage seem, when some fearful crisis +on the great deeps of life carries a man, as if running before a hurricane, +up to the giddy crest of some mountainous wave, from which accordingly as +he chooses his course, he describes two courses, and a voice says to him +audibly, "This way lies hope; take the other way and mourn for ever!" Yet, +even then, amidst the raving of the seas and the frenzy of the danger, the +man is able to confront his situation--is able to retire for a moment +into solitude with God, and to seek all his counsel from _him_! For seven +seconds, it might be, of his seventy, the stranger settled his countenance +steadfastly upon us, as if to search and value every element in the +conflict before him. For five seconds more he sate immovably, like one that +mused on some great purpose. For five he sate with eyes upraised, like one +that prayed in sorrow, under some extremity of doubt, for wisdom to guide +him towards the better choice. Then suddenly he rose; stood upright; and, +by a sudden strain upon the reins, raising his horse's forefeet from the +ground, he slewed him round on the pivot of his hind legs, so as to plant +the little equipage in a position nearly at right angles to ours. Thus +far his condition was not improved; except as a first step had been taken +towards the possibility of a second. If no more were done, nothing was +done; for the little carriage still occupied the very centre of our path, +though in an altered direction. Yet even now it may not be too late: +fifteen of the twenty seconds may still be unexhausted; and one almighty +bound forward may avail to clear the ground. Hurry then; hurry! for the +flying moments--_they_ hurry! Oh hurry, hurry, my brave young man! for the +cruel hoofs of our horses--_they_ also hurry! Fast are the flying moments, +faster are the hoofs of our horses. Fear not for _him_, if human energy can +suffice: faithful was he that drove, to his terrific duty; faithful was the +horse to _his_ command. One blow, one impulse given with voice and hand by +the stranger, one rush from the horse, one bound as if in the act of rising +to a fence, landed the docile creature's forefeet upon the crown or arching +centre of the road. The larger half of the little equipage had then cleared +our over-towering shadow: _that_ was evident even to my own agitated sight. +But it mattered little that one wreck should float off in safety, if upon +the wreck that perished were embarked the human freightage. The rear part +of the carriage--was _that_ certainly beyond the line of absolute ruin? +What power could answer the question? Glance of eye, thought of man, wing +of angel, which of these had speed enough to sweep between the question and +the answer, and divide the one from the other? Light does not tread upon +the steps of light more indivisibly, than did our all-conquering arrival +upon the escaping efforts of the gig. _That_ must the young man have felt +too plainly. His back was now turned to us; not by sight could he any +longer communicate with the peril; but by the dreadful rattle of our +harness, too truly had his ear been instructed--that all was finished as +regarded any further effort of _his_. Already in resignation he had rested +from his struggle; and perhaps, in his heart he was whispering--"Father, +which art above, do thou finish in heaven what I on earth have attempted." +We ran past them faster than ever mill-race in our inexorable flight. Oh, +raving of hurricanes that must have sounded in their young ears at the +moment of our transit! Either with the swingle-bar, or with the haunch of +our near leader, we had struck the off-wheel of the little gig, which stood +rather obliquely and not quite so far advanced as to be accurately parallel +with the near wheel. The blow, from the fury of our passage, resounded +terrifically. I rose in horror, to look upon the ruins we might have +caused. From my elevated station I looked down., and looked back upon the +scene, which in a moment told its tale, and wrote all its records on my +heart for ever. + +The horse was planted immovably, with his fore-feet upon the paved crest of +the central road. He of the whole party was alone untouched by the passion +of death. The little cany carriage--partly perhaps from the dreadful +torsion of the wheels in its recent movement, partly from the thundering +blow we had given to it--as if it sympathized with human horror, was all +alive with tremblings and shiverings. The young man sat like a rock. He +stirred not at all. But _his_ was the steadiness of agitation frozen into +rest by horror. As yet he dared not to look round; for he knew that, if +anything remained to do, by him it could no longer be done. And as yet he +knew not for certain if their safety were accomplished. But the lady-- + +But the lady--! Oh heavens! will that spectacle ever depart from my dreams, +as she rose and sank upon her seat, sank and rose, threw up her arms wildly +to heaven, clutched at some visionary object in the air, fainting, praying, +raving, despairing! Figure to yourself, reader, the elements of the case; +suffer me to recall before your mind the circumstances of the unparalleled +situation. From the silence and deep peace of this saintly summer +night--from the pathetic blending of this sweet moonlight, dawnlight, +dreamlight--from the manly tenderness of this flattering, whispering, +murmuring love--suddenly as from the woods and fields--suddenly as from +the chambers of the air opening in revelation--suddenly as from the ground +yawning at her feet, leaped upon her, with the flashing of cataracts, Death +the crowned phantom, with all the equipage of his terrors, and the tiger +roar of his voice. + +The moments were numbered. In the twinkling of an eye our flying horses had +carried us to the termination of the umbrageous aisle; at right angles we +wheeled into our former direction; the turn of the road carried the scene +out of my eyes in an instant, and swept it into my dreams for ever. + + + +DREAM-FUGUE. + +ON THE ABOVE THEME OF SUDDEN DEATH. + + + "Whence the sound + Of instruments, that made melodious chime, + Was heard, of harp and organ; and who mov'd + Their stops and chords, was seen; his volant touch + Instinct through all proportions, low and high, + Fled and pursued transverse the resonant fugue." + +_Par. Lost, B. XL_ + +_Tumultuosissimamente_. + +Passion of Sudden Death! that once in youth I read and interpreted by the +shadows of thy averted[1] signs;--Rapture of panic taking the shape which +amongst tombs in churches I have seen, of woman bursting her sepulchral +bonds--of woman's Ionic form bending forward from the ruins of her grave +with arching foot, with eyes upraised, with clasped adoring hands--waiting, +watching, trembling, praying, for the trumpet's call to rise from dust +for ever!--Ah, vision too fearful of shuddering humanity on the brink +of abysses! vision that didst start back--that didst reel away--like a +shrivelling scroll from before the wrath of fire racing on the wings of the +wind! Epilepsy so brief of horror--wherefore is it that thou canst not die? +Passing so suddenly into darkness, wherefore is it that still thou sheddest +thy sad funeral blights upon the gorgeous mosaics of dreams? Fragment of +music too stern, heard once and heard no more, what aileth thee that thy +deep rolling chords come up at intervals through all the worlds of sleep, +and after thirty years have lost no element of horror? + +[Footnote 1: "_Averted signs_."--I read the course and changes of the +lady's agony in the succession of her involuntary gestures; but let it be +remembered that I read all this from the rear, never once catching the +lady's full face, and even her profile imperfectly.] + + +1. + +Lo, it is summer, almighty summer! The everlasting gates of life and summer +are thrown open wide; and on the ocean, tranquil and verdant as a savanna, +the unknown lady from the dreadful vision and I myself are floating: she +upon a fairy pinnace, and I upon an English three-decker. But both of +us are wooing gales of festal happiness within the domain of our common +country--within that ancient watery park--within that pathless chase where +England takes her pleasure as a huntress through winter and summer, and +which stretches from the rising to the setting sun. Ah! what a wilderness +of floral beauty was hidden, or was suddenly revealed, upon the tropic +islands, through which the pinnace moved. And upon her deck what a bevy +of human flowers--young women how lovely, young men how noble, that were +dancing together, and slowly drifting towards _us_ amidst music and +incense, amidst blossoms from forests and gorgeous corymbi from vintages, +amidst natural caroling and the echoes of sweet girlish laughter. Slowly +the pinnace nears us, gaily she hails us, and slowly she disappears beneath +the shadow of our mighty bows. But then, as at some signal from heaven, the +music and the carols, and the sweet echoing of girlish laughter--all are +hushed. What evil has smitten the pinnace, meeting or overtaken her? Did +ruin to our friends couch within our own dreadful shadow? Was our shadow +the shadow of death? I looked over the bow for an answer; and, behold! the +pinnace was dismantled; the revel and the revellers were found no more; the +glory of the vintage was dust; and the forest was left without a witness to +its beauty upon the seas. "But where," and I turned to our own crew--"Where +are the lovely women that danced beneath the awning of flowers and +clustering corymbi? Whither have fled the noble young men that danced with +_them_?" Answer there was none. But suddenly the man at the mast-head, +whose countenance darkened with alarm, cried out--"Sail on the weather +beam! Down she comes upon us: in seventy seconds she will founder!" + + +2. + +I looked to the weather side, and the summer had departed. The sea was +rocking, and shaken with gathering wrath. Upon its surface sate mighty +mists, which grouped themselves into arches and long cathedral aisles. Down +one of these, with the fiery pace of a quarrel from a cross-bow, ran a +frigate right athwart our course. "Are they mad?" some voice exclaimed from +our deck. "Are they blind? Do they woo their ruin?" But in a moment, as she +was close upon us, some impulse of a heady current or sudden vortex gave a +wheeling bias to her course, and off she forged without a shock. As she ran +past us, high aloft amongst the shrouds stood the lady of the pinnace. The +deeps opened ahead in malice to receive her, towering surges of foam ran +after her, the billows were fierce to catch her. But far away she was borne +into desert spaces of the sea: whilst still by sight I followed her, as she +ran before the howling gale, chased by angry sea-birds and by maddening +billows; still I saw her, as at the moment when she ran past us, amongst +the shrouds, with her white draperies streaming before the wind. There +she stood with hair dishevelled, one hand clutched amongst the +tackling--rising, sinking, fluttering, trembling, praying--there for +leagues I saw her as she stood, raising at intervals one hand to heaven, +amidst the fiery crests of the pursuing waves and the raving of the storm; +until at last, upon a sound from afar of malicious laughter and mockery, +all was hidden for ever in driving showers; and afterwards, but when I know +not, and how I know not. + + +3. + +Sweet funeral bells from some incalculable distance, wailing over the dead +that die before the dawn, awakened me as I slept in a boat moored to some +familiar shore. The morning twilight even then was breaking; and, by the +dusky revelations which it spread, I saw a girl adorned with a garland +of white roses about her head for some great festival, running along the +solitary strand with extremity of haste. Her running was the running of +panic; and often she looked back as to some dreadful enemy in the rear. But +when I leaped ashore, and followed on her steps to warn her of a peril in +front, alas! from me she fled as from another peril; and vainly I shouted +to her of quicksands that lay ahead. Faster and faster she ran; round a +promontory of rocks she wheeled out of sight; in an instant I also wheeled +round it, but only to see the treacherous sands gathering above her head. +Already her person was buried; only the fair young head and the diadem of +white roses around it were still visible to the pitying heavens; and, last +of all, was visible one marble arm. I saw by the early twilight this fair +young head, as it was sinking down to darkness--saw this marble arm, as it +rose above her head and her treacherous grave, tossing, faultering, +rising, clutching as at some false deceiving hand stretched out from the +clouds--saw this marble arm uttering her dying hope, and then her dying +despair. The head, the diadem, the arm,--these all had sunk; at last over +these also the cruel quicksand had closed; and no memorial of the fair +young girl remained on earth, except my own solitary tears, and the funeral +bells from the desert seas, that, rising again more softly, sang a requiem +over the grave of the buried child, and over her blighted dawn. + +I sate, and wept in secret the tears that men have ever given to the memory +of those that died before the dawn, and by the treachery of earth, our +mother. But the tears and funeral bells were hushed suddenly by a shout +as of many nations, and by a roar as from some great king's artillery +advancing rapidly along the valleys, and heard afar by its echoes among +the mountains. "Hush!" I said, as I bent my ear earthwards to +listen--"hush!--this either is the very anarchy of strife, or else"--and +then I listened more profoundly, and said as I raised my head--"or else, oh +heavens! it is _victory_ that swallows up all strife." + + +4. + +Immediately, in trance, I was carried over land and sea to some distant +kingdom, and placed upon a triumphal car, amongst companions crowned with +laurel. The darkness of gathering midnight, brooding over all the land, hid +from us the mighty crowds that were weaving restlessly about our carriage +as a centre--we heard them, but we saw them not. Tidings had arrived, +within an hour, of a grandeur that measured itself against centuries; too +full of pathos they were, too full of joy that acknowledged no fountain +but God, to utter themselves by other language than by tears, by restles +anthems, by reverberations rising from every choir, of the _Gloria in +excelsis_. These tidings we that sate upon the laurelled car had it for our +privilege to publish amongst all nations. And already, by signs audible +through the darkness, by snortings and tramplings, our angry horses, that +knew no fear of fleshly weariness, upbraided us with delay. Wherefore _was_ +it that we delayed? We waited for a secret word, that should bear witness +to the hope of nations, as now accomplished for ever. At midnight the +secret word arrived; which word was--Waterloo and Recovered Christendom! +The dreadful word shone by its own light; before us it went; high above our +leaders' heads it rode, and spread a golden light over the paths which we +traversed. Every city, at the presence of the secret word, threw open its +gates to receive us. The rivers were silent as we crossed. All the infinite +forests, as we ran along their margins, shivered in homage to the secret +word. And the darkness comprehended it. + +Two hours after midnight we reached a mighty minster. Its gates, which rose +to the clouds, were closed. But when the dreadful word, that rode before +us, reached them with its golden light, silently they moved back upon their +hinges; and at a flying gallop our equipage entered the grand aisle of the +cathedral. Headlong was our pace; and at every altar, in the little chapels +and oratories to the right hand and left of our course, the lamps, dying or +sickening, kindled anew in sympathy with the secret word that was flying +past. Forty leagues we might have run in the cathedral, and as yet no +strength of morning light had reached us, when we saw before us the aerial +galleries of the organ and the choir. Every pinnacle of the fretwork, every +station of advantage amongst the traceries, was crested by white-robed +choristers, that sang deliverance; that wept no more tears, as once their +fathers had wept; but at intervals that sang together to the generations, +saying-- + + "Chaunt the deliverer's praise in every tongue," + +and receiving answers from afar, + + --"such as once in heaven and earth were sung." + +And of their chaunting was no end; of our headlong pace was neither pause +nor remission. + +Thus, as we ran like torrents--thus, as we swept with bridal rapture over +the Campo Santo[1] of the cathedral graves--suddenly we became aware of +a vast necropolis rising upon the far-off horizon--a city of sepulchres, +built within the saintly cathedral for the warrior dead that rested from +their feuds on earth. Of purple granite was the necropolis; yet, in the +first minute, it lay like a purple stain upon the horizon--so mighty was +the distance. In the second minute it trembled through many changes, +growing into terraces and towers of wondrous altitude, so mighty was the +pace. In the third minute already, with our dreadful gallop, we were +entering its suburbs. Vast sarcophagi rose on every side, having towers and +turrets that, upon the limits of the central aisle, strode forward with +haughty intrusion, that ran back with mighty shadows into answering +recesses. Every sarcophagus showed many bas-reliefs--bas-reliefs of +battles--bas-reliefs of battle-fields; of battles from forgotten ages--of +battles from yesterday--of battle-fields that, long since, nature had +healed and reconciled to herself with the sweet oblivion of flowers--of +battle-fields that were yet angry and crimson with carnage. Where the +terraces ran, there did _we_ run; where the towers curved, there did _we_ +curve. With the flight of swallows our horses swept round every angle. Like +rivers in flood, wheeling round headlands; like hurricanes that side +into the secrets of forests; faster than ever light unwove the mazes of +darkness, our flying equipage carried earthly passions--kindled warrior +instincts--amongst the dust that lay around us; dust oftentimes of our +noble fathers that had slept in God from Creci to Trafalgar. And now had we +reached the last sarcophagus, now were we abreast of the last bas-relief, +already had we recovered the arrow-like flight of the illimitable central +aisle, when coming up this aisle to meet us we beheld a female infant that +rode in a carriage as frail as flowers. The mists, which went before her, +hid the fawns that drew her, but could not hide the shells and tropic +flowers with which she played--but could not hide the lovely smiles by +which she uttered her trust in the mighty cathedral, and in the cherubim +that looked down upon her from the topmast shafts of its pillars. Face to +face she was meeting us; face to face she rode, as if danger there were +none. "Oh, baby!" I exclaimed, "shalt thou be the ransom for Waterloo? Must +we, that carry tidings of great joy to every people, be messengers of ruin +to thee?" In horror I rose at the thought; but then also, in horror at the +thought, rose one that was sculptured on the bas-relief--a dying trumpeter. +Solemnly from the field of battle he rose to his feet; and, unslinging +his stony trumpet, carried it, in his dying anguish, to his stony +lips--sounding once, and yet once again; proclamation that, in _thy_ ears, +oh baby! must have spoken from the battlements of death. Immediately deep +shadows fell between us, and aboriginal silence. The choir had ceased to +sing. The hoofs of our horses, the rattling of our harness, alarmed the +graves no more. By horror the bas-relief had been unlocked into life. By +horror we, that were so full of life, we men and our horses, with their +fiery fore-legs rising in mid air to their everlasting gallop, were frozen +to a bas-relief. Then a third time the trumpet sounded; the seals were +taken off all pulses; life, and the frenzy of life, tore into their +channels again; again the choir burst forth in sunny grandeur, as from +the muffling of storms and darkness; again the thunderings of our horses +carried temptation into the graves. One cry burst from our lips as the +clouds, drawing off from the aisle, showed it empty before us--"Whither has +the infant fled?--is the young child caught up to God?" Lo! afar off, in a +vast recess, rose three mighty windows to the clouds: and on a level with +their summits, at height insuperable to man, rose an altar of purest +alabaster. On its eastern face was trembling a crimson glory. Whence came +_that_? Was it from the reddening dawn that now streamed _through_ the +windows? Was it from the crimson robes of the martyrs that were painted +_on_ the windows? Was it from the bloody bas-reliefs of earth? Whencesoever +it were--there, within that crimson radiance, suddenly appeared a female +head, and then a female figure. It was the child--now grown up to woman's +height. Clinging to the horns of the altar, there she stood--sinking, +rising, trembling, fainting--raving, despairing; and behind the volume of +incense that, night and day, streamed upwards from the altar, was seen the +fiery font, and dimly was descried the outline of the dreadful being that +should baptize her with the baptism of death. But by her side was kneeling +her better angel, that hid his face with wings; that wept and pleaded for +_her_; that prayed when _she_ could _not_; that fought with heaven by tears +for _her_ deliverance; which also, as he raised his immortal countenance +from his wings, I saw, by the glory in his eye, that he had won at last. + +[Footnote 1: _Campo Santo_.--It is probable that most of my readers will be +acquainted with the history of the Campo Santo at Pisa--composed of earth +brought from Jerusalem for a bed of sanctity, as the highest prize which +the noble piety of crusaders could ask or imagine. There is another Campo +Santo at Naples, formed, however, (I presume,) on the example given by +Pisa. Possibly the idea may have been more extensively copied. To readers +who are unacquainted with England, or who (being English) are yet +unacquainted with the cathedral cities of England, it may be right to +mention that the graves within-side the cathedrals often form a flat +pavement over which carriages and horses might roll; and perhaps a boyish +remembrance of one particular cathedral, across which I had seen passengers +walk and burdens carried, may have assisted my dream.] + + +5. + +Then rose the agitation, spreading through the infinite cathedral, to its +agony; then was completed the passion of the mighty fugue. The golden +tubes of the organ, which as yet had but sobbed and muttered at +intervals--gleaming amongst clouds and surges of incense--threw up, as +from fountains unfathomable, columns of heart-shattering music. Choir +and anti-choir were filling fast with unknown voices. Thou also, Dying +Trumpeter!--with thy love that was victorious, and thy anguish that was +finishing, didst enter the tumult: trumpet and echo--farewell love, and +farewell anguish--rang through the dreadful _sanctus_. We, that spread +flight before us, heard the tumult, as of flight, mustering behind us. In +fear we looked round for the unknown steps that, in flight or in pursuit, +were gathering upon our own. Who were these that followed? The faces, which +no man could count--whence were _they_? "Oh, darkness of the grave!" I +exclaimed, "that from the crimson altar and from the fiery font wert +visited with secret light--that wert searched by the effulgence in the +angel's eye--were these indeed thy children? Pomps of life, that, from the +burials of centuries, rose again to the voice of perfect joy, could it be +_ye_ that had wrapped me in the reflux of panic?" What ailed me, that I +should fear when the triumphs of earth were advancing? Ah! Pariah heart +within me, that couldst never hear the sound of joy without sullen whispers +of treachery in ambush; that, from six years old, didst never hear the +promise of perfect love, without seeing aloft amongst the stars fingers +as of a man's hand, writing the secret legend--"_Ashes to ashes, dust to +dust_!"--wherefore shouldst _thou_ not fear, though all men should rejoice? +Lo! as I looked back for seventy leagues through the mighty cathedral, and +saw the quick and the dead that sang together to God, together that sang +to the generations of man--ah! raving, as of torrents that opened on every +side: trepidation, as of female and infant steps that fled--ah! rushing, +as of wings that chase! But I heard a voice from heaven, which said--"Let +there be no reflux of panic--let there be no more fear, and no more sudden +death! Cover them with joy as the tides cover the shore!" _That_ heard the +children of the choir, _that_ heard the children of the grave. All the +hosts of jubilation made ready to move. Like armies that ride in pursuit, +they moved with one step. Us, that, with laurelled heads, were passing from +the cathedral through its eastern gates, they overtook, and, as with a +garment, they wrapped us round with thunders that overpowered our own. +As brothers we moved together; to the skies we rose--to the dawn that +advanced--to the stars that fled; rendering thanks to God in the +highest--that, having hid his face through one generation behind thick +clouds of War, once again was ascending--was ascending from Waterloo--in +the visions of Peace; rendering thanks for thee, young girl! whom having +overshadowed with his ineffable passion of death--suddenly did God relent; +suffered thy angel to turn aside his arm; and even in thee, sister unknown! +shown to me for a moment only to be hidden for ever, found an occasion to +glorify his goodness. A thousand times, amongst the phantoms of sleep, has +he shown thee to me, standing before the golden dawn, and ready to enter +its gates--with the dreadful word going before thee--with the armies of the +grave behind thee; shown thee to me, sinking, rising, fluttering, fainting, +but then suddenly reconciled, adoring: a thousand times has he followed +thee in the worlds of sleep--through storms; through desert seas; through +the darkness of quicksands; through fugues and the persecution of fugues; +through dreams, and the dreadful resurrections that are in dreams--only +that at the last, with one motion of his victorious arm, he might record +and emblazon the endless resurrections of his love! + + + +DINNER, REAL AND REPUTED. + + +Great misconceptions have always prevailed about the Roman _dinner_. +Dinner [_coena_] was the only meal which the Romans as a nation took. It +was no accident, but arose out of their whole social economy. This we shall +show by running through the history of a Roman day. _Ridentem dicere, verum +quid vetat_? And the course of this review will expose one or two important +truths in ancient political economy, which have been wholly overlooked. + +With the lark it was that the Roman rose. Not that the earliest lark rises +so early in Latium as the earliest lark in England; that is, during summer: +but then, on the other hand, neither does it ever rise so late. The Roman +citizen was stirring with the dawn--which, allowing for the shorter +longest-day and longer shortest-day of Rome, you may call about four in +summer--about seven in winter. Why did he do this? Because he went to bed +at a very early hour. But why did he do that? By backing in this way, we +shall surely back into the very well of truth: always, if it is possible, +let us have the _pourquoi_ of the _pourquoi_. The Roman went to bed early +for two special reasons. 1st, Because in Rome, which had been built for a +martial destiny, every habit of life had reference to the usages of war. +Every citizen, if he were not a mere proletarian animal kept at the public +cost, held himself a sort of soldier-elect: the more noble he was, the +more was his liability to military service: in short, all Rome, and at all +times, was consciously "in procinct."[1] Now it was a principle of ancient +warfare, that every hour of daylight had a triple worth, if valued +against hours of darkness. That was one reason--a reason suggested by the +understanding. But there was a second reason, far more remarkable; and this +was a reason dictated by a blind necessity. It is an important fact, that +this planet on which we live, this little industrious earth of ours, has +developed her wealth by slow stages of increase. She was far from being the +rich little globe in Caesar's days that she is at present. The earth in our +days is incalculably richer, as a whole, than in the time of Charlemagne: +at that time she was richer, by many a million of acres, than in the era +of Augustus. In that Augustan era we descry a clear belt of cultivation, +averaging about six hundred miles in depth, running in a ring-fence about +the Mediterranean. This belt, _and no more_, was in decent cultivation. +Beyond that belt, there was only a wild Indian cultivation. At present +what a difference! We have that very belt, but much richer, all things +considered _aequatis aequandis_, than in the Roman era. The reader must not +look to single cases, as that of Egypt or other parts of Africa, but take +the whole collectively. On that scheme of valuation, we have the old Roman +belt, the Mediterranean riband not much tarnished, and we have all the +rest of Europe to boot--or, speaking in scholar's language, as a _lucro +ponamus_. We say nothing of remoter gains. Such being the case, our mother, +the earth, being (as a whole) so incomparably poorer, could not in the +Pagan era support the expense of maintaining great empires in cold +latitudes. Her purse would not reach that cost. Wherever she undertook in +those early ages to rear man in great abundance, it must be where nature +would consent to work in partnership with herself; where _warmth_ was to +be had for nothing; where _clothes_ were not so entirely indispensable but +that a ragged fellow might still keep himself warm; where slight _shelter_ +might serve; and where the _soil_, if not absolutely richer in reversionary +wealth, was more easily cultured. Nature must come forward liberally, and +take a number of shares in every new joint-stock concern before it could +move. Man, therefore, went to bed early in those ages, simply because his +worthy mother earth could not afford him candles. She, good old lady, (or +good young lady, for geologists know not[2] whether she is in that stage +of her progress which corresponds to gray hairs, or to infancy, or to "a +_certain_ age,")--she, good lady, would certainly have shuddered to hear +any of her nations asking for candles. "Candles!" She would have said, "Who +ever heard of such a thing? and with so much excellent daylight running to +waste, as I have provided _gratis_! What will the wretches want next?" + +The daylight, furnished _gratis_, was certainly "neat," and "undeniable" +in its quality, and quite sufficient for all purposes that were honest. +Seneca, even in his own luxurious period, called those men "_lucifugae_," +and by other ugly names, who lived chiefly by candle-light. None but rich +and luxurious men, nay, even amongst these, none but idlers _did_ live much +by candle-light. An immense majority of men in Rome never lighted a candle, +unless sometimes in the early dawn. And this custom of Rome was the custom +also of all nations that lived round the great pond of the Mediterranean. +In Athens, Egypt, Palestine, Asia Minor, everywhere, the ancients went to +bed, like good boys, from seven to nine o'clock.[3] The Turks and other +people, who have succeeded to the stations and the habits of the ancients, +do so at this day. + +The Roman, therefore, who saw no joke in sitting round a table in the dark, +went off to bed as the darkness began. Everybody did so. Old Numa Pompilius +himself, was obliged to trundle off in the dusk. Tarquinius might be a very +superb fellow; but we doubt whether he ever saw a farthing rushlight. And, +though it may be thought that plots and conspiracies would flourish in +such a city of darkness, it is to be considered, that the conspirators +themselves had no more candles than honest men: both parties were in the +dark. + +Being up then, and stirring not long after the lark, what mischief did the +Roman go about first? Now-a-days, he would have taken a pipe or a cigar. +But, alas for the ignorance of the poor heathen creatures! they had neither +one nor the other. In this point, we must tax our mother earth with +being really _too_ stingy. In the case of the candles, we approve of her +parsimony. Much mischief is brewed by candle-light. But, it was coming it +too strong to allow no tobacco. Many a wild fellow in Rome, your Gracchi, +Syllas, Catilines, would not have played "h---- and Tommy" in the way they +did, if they could have soothed their angry stomachs with a cigar--a pipe +has intercepted many an evil scheme. But the thing is past helping now. At +Rome, you must do as "they does" at Rome. So, after shaving, (supposing the +age of the _Barbati_ to be passed), what is the first business that our +Roman will undertake? Forty to one he is a poor man, born to look upwards +to his fellow-men--and not to look down upon anybody but slaves. He goes, +therefore, to the palace of some grandee, some top-sawyer of the Senatorian +order. This great man, for all his greatness, has turned out even sooner +than himself. For he also has had no candles and no cigars; and he well +knows, that before the sun looks into his portals, all his halls will be +overflowing and buzzing with the matin susurrus of courtiers--the "mane +salutantes."[4] it is as much as his popularity is worth to absent himself, +or to keep people waiting. But surely, the reader may think, this poor man +he might keep waiting. No, he might not; for, though poor, being a citizen, +he is a gentleman. That was the consequence of keeping slaves. Wherever +there is a class of slaves, he that enjoys the _jus suffragii_ (no +matter how poor) is a gentleman. The true Latin word for a gentleman is +_ingentius_--a freeman and the son of a freeman. + +Yet even here there _were_ distinctions. Under the Emperors, the courtiers +were divided into two classes: with respect to the superior class, it was +said of the sovereign--that he _saw_ them, (_videbat_;) with respect to the +other--that he _was seen_, ("_videbatur_.") Even Plutarch mentions it as +a common boast in his times, [Greek: aemas eiden ho basileus]--_Caesar is +in the habit of seeing me_; or, as a common plea for evading a suit, +[Greek: ora mallon]--_I am sorry to say he is more inclined to look upon +others_. And this usage derived itself (mark that well!) from the +_republican_ era. The aulic spirit was propagated by the Empire, but from +a republican root. + +Having paid his court, you will suppose that our friend comes home to +breakfast. Not at all: no such discovery as "breakfast" had then been made: +breakfast was not invented for many centuries after that. We have always +admired, and always shall admire, as the very best of all human stories, +Charles Lamb's account of the origin of _roast pig_ in China. Ching Ping, +it seems, had suffered his father's house to be burned down; the outhouses +were burned along with the house; and in one of these the pigs, by +accident, were roasted to a turn. Memorable were the results for all future +China and future civilization. Ping, who (like all China beside) had +hitherto eaten his pig raw, now for the first time tasted it in a state +of torrefaction. Of course he made his peace with his father by a part +(tradition says a leg) of the new dish. The father was so astounded with +the discovery, that he burned his house down once a year for the sake of +coming at an annual banquet of roast pig. A curious prying sort of fellow, +one Chang Pang, got to know of this. He also burned down a house with a +pig in it, and had his eyes opened. The secret was ill kept--the discovery +spread--many great conversions were made--houses were blazing in every part +of the Celestial Empire. The insurance offices took the matter up. +One Chong Pong, detected in the very act of shutting up a pig in his +drawing-room, and then firing a train, was indicted on a charge of arson. +The chief justice of Pekin, on that occasion, requested an officer of the +court to hand him a piece of the roast pig, the _corpus delicti_, for pure +curiosity led him to taste; but within two days after it was observed that +his lordship's town-house was burned down. In short, all China apostatized +to the new faith; and it was not until some centuries had passed, that a +great genius arose, who established the second era in the history of roast +pig, by showing that it could be had without burning down a house. + +No such genius had yet arisen in Rome. Breakfast was not suspected. No +prophecy, no type of breakfast had been published. In fact, it took as much +time and research to arrive at that great discovery as at the Copernican +system. True it is, reader, that you have heard of such a word as +_jentaculum_; and your dictionary translates that old heathen word by +the Christian word _breakfast_. But dictionaries, one and all, are dull +deceivers. Between _jentaculum_ and _breakfast_ the differences are as wide +as between a horse-chestnut and chestnut horse; differences in the _time +when_, in the _place where_, in the _manner how_, but preeminently in the +_thing which_. + +Galen is a good authority upon such a subject, since, if (like other +pagans) he ate no breakfast himself, in some sense he may be called the +cause of breakfast to other men, by treating of those things which could +safely be taken upon an empty stomach. As to the time, he (like many other +authors) says, [peri tritaen, ae (to makroteron) peri tetartaen,] +about the third, or at farthest about the fourth hour: and so exact is he, +that he assumes the day to lie exactly between six and six o'clock, and to +be divided into thirteen equal portions. So the time will be a few minutes +before nine, or a few minutes before ten, in the forenoon. That seems fair +enough. But it is not time in respect to its location that we are so +much concerned with, as time in respect to its duration. Now, heaps of +authorities take it for granted, that you are not to sit down--you are to +stand; and, as to the place, that any place will do--"any corner of the +forum," says Galen, "any corner that you fancy;" which is like referring a +man for his _salle a manger_ to Westminster Hall or Fleet Street. Augustus, +in a letter still surviving, tells us that he _jentabat_, or took his +_jentaculum_ in his carriage; now in a wheel carriage, (_in essedo_,) now +in a litter or palanquin (_in lectica_.) This careless and disorderly +way as to time and place, and other circumstances of haste, sufficiently +indicate the quality of the meal you are to expect. Already you are +"sagacious of your quarry from so far." Not that we would presume, +excellent reader, to liken you to Death, or to insinuate that you are +"a grim feature." But would it not make a saint "grim," to hear of such +preparations for the morning meal? And then to hear of such consummations +as _panis siccus_, dry bread; or, (if the learned reader thinks it will +taste better in Greek,) [Greek: artos xaeros!] And what may this word +_dry_ happen to mean? "Does it mean stale bread?" says Salmasius. "Shall +we suppose," says he, in querulous words, "_molli et recenti opponi_," and +from that antithesis conclude it to be, "_durum et non recens coctum, eoque +sicciorem_?" Hard and stale, and for that reason the more arid! Not quite +so bad as that, we hope. Or again--"_siccum pro biscocto, ut hodie vocamus, +sumemus_?"[5] By _hodie_ Salmasius means, amongst his countrymen of France, +where _biscoctus_ is verbatim reproduced in the word _bis_ (twice) _cuit_, +(baked;) whence our own _biscuit_. Biscuit might do very well, could we be +sure that it was cabin biscuit: but Salmasius argues--that in this case he +takes it to mean "_buccellatum, qui est panis nauticus_;" that is, the ship +company's biscuit, broken with a sledge-hammer. In Greek, for the benefit +again of the learned reader, it is termed [Greek: dipuros], indicating +that it has passed twice under the action of fire. + +"Well," you say, "No matter if it had passed fifty times--and through the +fires of Moloch; only let us have this biscuit, such as it is." In good +faith, then, fasting reader, you are not likely to see much more than you +_have_ seen. It is a very Barmecide feast, we do assure you--this same +"jentaculum;" at which abstinence and patience are much more exercised than +the teeth: faith and hope are the chief graces cultivated, together with +that species of the _magnificum_ which is founded on the _ignotum_. Even +this biscuit was allowed in the most limited quantities; for which reason +it is that the Greeks called this apology for a a meal by the name +of [Greek: bouchismos], a word formed (as many words were in the +Post-Augustan ages) from a Latin word--viz., _buccea_, a mouthful; not +literally such, but so much as a polished man could allow himself to put +into his mouth at once. "We took a mouthful," says Sir William Waller, the +Parliamentary general, "took a mouthful; paid our reckoning; mounted; +and were off." But there Sir William means, by his plausible "mouthful," +something very much beyond either nine or nineteen ordinary quantities of +that denomination, whereas the Roman "jentaculum" was literally such; and, +accordingly, one of the varieties under which the ancient vocabularies +express this model of evanescent quantities is _gustatio_, a mere tasting; +and again it is called by another variety, _gustus_, a mere taste: [whence +by the usual suppression of the _s_, comes the French word for a collation +or luncheon, viz. _gouter_] Speaking of his uncle, Pliny the Younger +says--"Post solem plerumque lavabatur; deinde gustabat; dormiebat minimum; +mox, quasi alio die, studebat in coenae tempus". "After taking the air he +bathed; after that he broke his fast on a bit of biscuit, and took a +very slight _siesta_: which done, as if awaking to a new day, he set in +regularly to his studies, and pursued them to dinner-time." _Gustabat_ +here meant that nondescript meal which arose at Rome when _jentaculum_ and +_prandium_ were fused into one, and that only a _taste_ or mouthful of +biscuit, as we shall show farther on. + +Possibly, however, most excellent reader, like some epicurean traveller, +who, in crossing the Alps, finds himself weather-bound at St. Bernard's +on Ash-Wednesday, you surmise a remedy: you descry some opening from "the +loopholes of retreat," through which a few delicacies might be insinuated +to spread verdure on this arid desert of biscuit. Casuistry can do much. A +dead hand at casuistry has often proved more than a match for Lent with all +his quarantines. But sorry we are to say that, in this case, no relief is +hinted at in any ancient author. A grape or two, (not a bunch of grapes,) +a raisin or two, a date, an olive--these are the whole amount of relief[6] +which the chancery of the Roman kitchen granted in such cases. All things +here hang together, and prove each other; the time, the place, the mode, +the thing. Well might man eat standing, or eat in public, such a trifle +as this. Go home to such a breakfast as this! You would as soon think of +ordering a cloth to be laid in order to eat a peach, or of asking a friend +to join you in an orange. No man makes "two bites of a cherry." So let +us pass on to the other stages of the day. Only in taking leave of this +morning stage, throw your eyes back with us, Christian reader, upon this +truly heathen meal, fit for idolatrous dogs like your Greeks and your +Romans; survey, through the vista of ages, that thrice-cursed biscuit, with +half a fig, perhaps, by way of garnish, and a huge hammer by its side, to +secure the certainty of mastication, by previous comminution. Then turn +your eyes to a Christian breakfast--hot rolls, eggs, coffee, beef; but +down, down, rebellious visions: we need say no more! You, reader, like +ourselves, will breathe a malediction on the classical era, and thank your +stars for making you a Romanticist. Every morning we thank ours for keeping +us back, and reserving us to an age in which breakfast had been already +invented. In the words of Ovid we say:-- + +"Prisca juvent alios: ego me nunc denique natum Gratulor. Haec aetas moribus +apta meis." + +Our friend, the Roman cit, has therefore thus far, in his progress through +life, obtained no breakfast, if he ever contemplated an idea so frantic. +But it occurs to you, our faithful reader, that perhaps he will not always +be thus unhappy. We could bring waggon-loads of sentiments, Greek as well +as Roman, which prove, more clearly than the most eminent pikestaff, that, +as the wheel of fortune revolves, simply out of the fact that it has +carried a man downwards, it must subsequently carry him upwards, no matter +what dislike that wheel, or any of its spokes, may bear to that man: "non, +si male nunc sit, et olim sic erit:" and that if a man, through the madness +of his nation, misses coffee and hot rolls at nine, he may easily run into +a leg of mutton at twelve. True it is he may do so: truth is commendable; +and we will not deny that a man may sometimes, by losing a breakfast, gain +a dinner. Such things have been in various ages, and will be again, but not +at Rome. There are reasons against it. We have heard of men who consider +life under the idea of a wilderness--dry as "a remainder biscuit after a +voyage:" and who consider a day under the idea of a little life. Life +is the macrocosm, or world at large; day is the microcosm, or world in +miniature. Consequently, if life is a wilderness, then day, as a little +life, is a little wilderness. And this wilderness can be safely traversed +only by having relays of fountains, or stages for refreshment. Such +stages, they conceive, are found in the several meals which Providence has +stationed at due intervals through the day, whenever the perverseness of +man does not break the chain, or derange the order of succession. + +These are the anchors by which man rides in that billowy ocean between +morning and night. The first anchor, viz., breakfast, having given way in +Rome, the more need there is that he should pull up by the second; and +that is often reputed to be dinner. And as your dictionary, good reader, +translated _breakfast_ by that vain word _jentaculum_, so, doubtless, it +will translate _dinner_ by that still vainer word _prandium_. Sincerely we +hope that your own dinner on this day, and through all time coming, may +have a better root in fact and substance than this most visionary of all +baseless things--the Roman _prandium_, of which we shall presently show you +that the most approved translation is _moonshine_. + +Reader, we are not jesting here. In the very spirit of serious truth, we +assure you, that the delusion about "jentaculum" is even exceeded by this +other delusion about "prandium." Salmasius himself, for whom a natural +prejudice of place and time partially obscured the truth, admits, however, +that _prandium_ was a meal which the ancients rarely took; his very words +are--"_raro prandebant veteres_." Now, judge for yourself of the good sense +which is shown in translating by the word _dinner_, which must of necessity +mean the chief meal--a Roman word which represents a fancy meal, a meal of +caprice, a meal which few people took. At this moment, what is the single +point of agreement between the noon meal of the English laborer and the +evening meal of the English gentleman? What is the single circumstance +common to both, which causes us to denominate them by the common name of +_dinner_? It is that in both we recognize the _principal_ meal of the +day, the meal upon which is thrown the _onus_ of the day's support. In +everything else they are as wide asunder as the poles; but they agree in +this one point of their function. Is it credible that, to represent such a +meal amongst ourselves, we select a Roman word so notoriously expressing a +mere shadow, a pure apology, that very few people ever tasted it--nobody +sate down to it--not many washed their hands after it, and gradually the +very name of it became interchangeable with another name, implying the +slightest possible act of trying or sipping? "_Post larationem sine mensa +prandium_," says Seneca, "_post quod non sunt lavandae manus_;" that is, +"after bathing, I take a _prandium_ without sitting down to table, and such +a _prandium_ as brings after itself no need of washing the hands." No; +moonshine as little soils the hands as it oppresses the stomach. + +Reader! we, as well as Pliny, had an uncle, an East Indian uncle; doubtless +you have such an uncle; everybody has an Indian uncle. Generally such a +person is "rather yellow, rather yellow," [to quote Canning _versus_ Lord +Durham:] that is the chief fault with his physics; but, as to his morals, +he is universally a man of princely aspirations and habits. He is not +always so orientally rich as he is reputed; but he is always orientally +munificent. Call upon him at any hour from two to five, he insists on your +taking _tiffin_: and such a tiffin! The English corresponding term is +luncheon: but how meagre a shadow is the European meal to its glowing +Asiatic cousin! Still, gloriously as tiffin shines, does anybody imagine +that it is a vicarious dinner, or ever meant to be the substitute of +dinner? Wait till eight, and you will have your eyes opened on that +subject. So of the Roman _prandium_: had it been as luxurious as it was +simple, still it was always viewed as something meant only to stay the +stomach, as a prologue to something beyond. The _prandium_ was far enough +from giving the feeblest idea of the English luncheon; yet it stood in the +same relation to the Roman day. Now to English_men_ that meal scarcely +exists; and were it not for women, whose delicacy of organization does +not allow them to fast so long as men, would probably be abolished. It is +singular in this, as in other points, how nearly England and ancient Rome +approximate. We all know how hard it is to tempt a man generally into +spoiling his appetite, by eating before dinner. The same dislike of +violating what they called the integrity of the appetite, [_integram +famem_,] existed at Rome. Every man who knows anything of Latin critically, +sees the connection of the word _integer_ with _in_ and _tetigi_: _integer_ +means what is _intact_, unviolated by touch. Cicero, when protesting +against spoiling his appetite for dinner, by tasting anything beforehand, +says, _integram famem ad coenam afferam_; I shall bring to dinner an +appetite untampered with. Nay, so much stress did the Romans lay on +maintaining this primitive state of the appetite undisturbed, that any +prelusions with either _jentaculum_ or _prandium_ were said, by a very +strong phrase indeed, _polluere famem_, to pollute the sanctity of the +appetite. The appetite was regarded as a holy vestal flame, soaring upwards +towards dinner throughout the day: if undebauched, it tended to its natural +consummation in _coena_: expired like a phoenix, to rise again out of its +own ashes. On this theory, to which language had accommodated itself, the +two prelusive meals of nine o'clock, A.M., and of one, P.M., so far from +being ratified by the public sense, and adopted into the economy of the +day, were regarded gloomily as gross irregularities, enormities, debauchers +of the natural instinct; and, in so far as they thwarted that instinct, +lessened it, or depraved it, were universally held to be full of pollution; +and, finally, to _profane_ a motion of nature. Such was the language. + +But we guess what is passing in the reader's mind. He thinks that all this +proves the _prandium_ to have been a meal of little account; and in very +many cases absolutely unknown. But still he thinks all this might happen to +the English dinner--_that_ might be neglected; supper might be generally +preferred; and, nevertheless, dinner would be as truly entitled to the name +of dinner as before. Many a student neglects his dinner; enthusiasm in any +pursuit must often have extinguished appetite for all of us. Many a time +and oft did this happen to Sir Isaac Newton. Evidence is on record, that +such a deponent at eight o'clock, A.M., found Sir Isaac with one stocking +on, one off; at two, said deponent called him to dinner. Being interrogated +whether Sir Isaac had pulled on the _minus_ stocking, or gartered the +_plus_ stocking, witness replied that he had not. Being asked if Sir Isaac +came to dinner, replied that he did not. Being again asked, "At sunset, did +you look in on Sir Isaac?" Witness replied, "I did." "And now, upon your +conscience, sir, by the virtue of your oath, in what state were the +stockings?" _Ans. "In statu quo ante bellum_." It seems Sir Isaac had +fought through that whole battle of a long day, so trying a campaign to +many people--be had traversed that whole sandy Zaarah, without calling, or +needing to call at one of those fountains, stages, or _mansiones_,[7] by +which (according to our former explanation) Providence has relieved the +continuity of arid soil, which else disfigures that long dreary level. This +happens to all; but was dinner not dinner, and did supper become dinner, +because Sir Isaac Newton ate nothing at the first, and threw the whole +day's support upon the last? No, you will say, a rule is not defeated by +one casual deviation, nor by one person's constant deviation. Everybody +else was still dining at two, though Sir Isaac might not; and Sir Isaac +himself on most days no more deferred his dinner beyond two, than he sate +with one stocking off. But what if everybody, Sir Isaac included, had +deferred his substantial meal until night, and taken a slight refection +only at two? The question put does really represent the very case which has +happened with us in England. In 1700, a large part of London took a meal +at two, P.M., and another at seven or eight, P.M. In 1839, a large part +of London is still doing the very same thing, taking one meal at two, and +another at seven or eight. But the names are entirely changed: the two +o'clock meal used to be called _dinner_, and is now called _luncheon_; the +eight o'clock meal used to be called _supper_, and is now called _dinner_. + +Now the question is easily solved: because, upon reviewing the idea of +dinner, we soon perceive that time has little or no connection with it: +since, both in England and France, dinner has travelled, like the hand of a +clock, through _every_ hour between ten, A.M. and ten, P.M. We have a list, +well attested, of every successive hour between these limits having been +the known established hour for the royal dinner-table within the last three +hundred and fifty years. Time, therefore, vanishes from the equation: it is +a quantity as regularly exterminated as in any algebraic problem. The true +elements of the idea, are evidently these:--1. That dinner is that meal, no +matter when taken, which is the principal meal; _i.e._ the meal on which +the day's support is thrown. 2. That it is the meal of hospitality. 3. That +it is the meal (with reference to both Nos 1 and 2) in which animal food +predominates. 4. That it is that meal which, upon necessity arising for the +abolition of all _but_ one, would naturally offer itself as that one. Apply +these four tests to _prandium_:--How could that meal answer to the first +test, as _the day's support_, which few people touched? How could that meal +answer to the second test, as the _meal of hospitality_, at which nobody +sate down? How could that meal answer to the third test, as the meal of +animal food, which consisted exclusively and notoriously of bread? Or to +the fourth test, of the meal _entitled to survive the abolition of the +rest_, which was itself abolished at all times in practice? + +Tried, therefore, by every test, _prandium_ vanishes. But we have something +further to communicate about this same _prandium_. + +I. It came to pass, by a very natural association of feeling, that +_prandium_ and _jentuculum_, in the latter centuries of Rome, were +generally confounded. This result was inevitable. Both professed the +same basis Both came in the morning. Both were fictions. Hence they were +confounded. + +That fact speaks for itself,--breakfast and luncheon never could have been +confounded; but who would be at the pains of distinguishing two shadows? In +a gambling-house of that class, where you are at liberty to sit down to a +splendid banquet, anxiety probably prevents your sitting down at all; but, +if you do, the same cause prevents your noticing what you eat. So of the +two _pseudo_ meals of Rome, they came in the very midst of the Roman +business; viz. from nine, A.M. to two, P.M. Nobody could give his mind +to them, had they been of better quality. There lay one cause of their +vagueness, viz.--in their position. Another cause was, the common basis of +both. Bread was so notoriously the predominating "feature" in each of these +prelusive banquets, that all foreigners at Rome, who communicated with +Romans through the Greek language, knew both the one and the other by the +name of [Greek: artositos], or the _bread repast_. Originally this name +had been restricted to the earlier meal. But a distinction without a +difference could not sustain itself: and both alike disguised their +emptiness under this pompous quadrisyllable. In the identity of substance, +therefore, lay a second ground of confusion. And, then, thirdly, even as +to the time, which had ever been the sole real distinction, there arose +from accident a tendency to converge. For it happened that while some had +_jentaculum_ but no _prandium_, others had _prandium_ but no _jentaculum_; +a third party had both; a fourth party, by much the largest, had neither. +Out of which varieties (who would think that a nonentity could cut up +into so many somethings?) arose a fifth party of compromisers, who, +because they could not afford a regular _coena_, and yet were +hospitably disposed, fused the two ideas into one; and so, because the +usual time for the idea of a breakfast was nine to ten, and for the idea +of a luncheon twelve to one, compromised the rival pretensions by what +diplomatists call a _mezzo termine_; bisecting the time at eleven, and +melting the two ideas into one. But by thus merging the separate times +of each, they abolished the sole real difference that had ever divided +them. Losing that, they lost all. + +Perhaps, as two negatives make one affirmative, it may be thought that two +layers of moonshine might coalesce into one pancake; and two Barmecide +banquets might compose one poached egg. Of that the company were the best +judges. But probably, as a rump and dozen, in our land of wagers, is +construed with a very liberal latitude as to the materials, so Martial's +invitation, "to take bread with him at eleven," might be understood by the +[Greek: sunetoi] as significant of something better than +[Greek: artositos]. Otherwise, in good truth, "moonshine and turn-out" +at eleven, A.M., would be even worse than "tea and turn-out" at eight, +P.M., which the "fervida juventus" of young England so loudly detests. But +however that might be, in this convergement of the several frontiers, and +the confusion that ensued, one cannot wonder that, whilst the two bladders +collapsed into one idea, they actually expanded into four names, two Latin +and two Greek, _gustus_ and _gustatio_, [Greek: geusis], and +[Greek: geusma], which all alike express the merely tentative or +exploratory act of a _praegustator_ or professional "taster" in a +king's household: what, if applied to a fluid, we should denominate +sipping. + +At last, by so many steps all in one direction, things had come to such +a pass--the two prelusive meals of the Roman morning, each for itself +separately vague from the beginning, had so communicated and interfused +their several and joint vaguenesses, that at last no man knew or cared to +know what any other man included in his idea of either; how much or how +little. And you might as well have hunted in the woods of Ethiopia for +Prester John, or fixed the parish of the everlasting Jew,[8] as have +attempted to say what "jentaculum" might be, or what "prandium." Only one +thing was clear--what they were _not_. Neither was or wished to be anything +that people cared for. They were both empty shadows; but shadows as they +were, we find from Cicero that they had a power of polluting and profaning +better things than themselves. + +We presume that no rational man will henceforth look for "dinner"--that +great idea according to Dr. Johnson--that sacred idea according to +Cicero--in a bag of moonshine on one side, or a bag of pollution on +the other. _Prandium_, so far from being what our foolish dictionaries +pretend--dinner itself--never in its palmiest days was more or other than +a miserable attempt at being _luncheon_. It was a _conatus_, what +physiologists call a _nisus_, a struggle in a very ambitious spark, +or _scintilla_, to kindle into a fire. This _nisus_ went on for some +centuries; but finally issued in smoke. If _prandium_ had worked out his +ambition, had "the great stream of tendency" accomplished all his wishes, +_prandium_ never could have been more than a very indifferent luncheon. But +now, + +II. We have to offer another fact, ruinous to our dictionaries on another +ground. Various circumstances have disguised the truth, but a truth it is, +that "prandium", in its very origin and _incunabula_, never was a meal +known to the Roman _culina_. In that court it was never recognized except +as an alien. It had no original domicile in the city of Rome. It was a _vot +casfren-sis_, a word and an idea purely martial, and pointing to martial +necessities. Amongst the new ideas proclaimed to the recruit, this was +one--"Look for no '_coenu_', no regular dinner, with us. Resign these +unwarlike notions. It is true that even war has its respites; in these +it would be possible to have our Roman _coena_ with all its equipage of +ministrations. Such luxury untunes the mind for doing and suffering. Let us +voluntarily renounce it; that when a necessity of renouncing it arrives, we +may not feel it among the hardships of war. From the day when you enter the +gates of the camp, reconcile yourself, tyro, to a new fashion of meal, to +what in camp dialect we call _prandium_." This "prandium," this essentially +military meal, was taken standing, by way of symbolizing the necessity of +being always ready for the enemy. Hence the posture in which it was taken +at Rome, the very counter-pole to the luxurious posture of dinner. A writer +of the third century, a period from which the Romans naturally looked back +upon everything connected with their own early habits, and with the same +kind of interest as we extend to our Alfred, (separated from us as Romulus +from them by just a thousand years,) in speaking of _prandium_, says, "Quod +dictum est _parandium_, ab eo quod milites ad bellum _paret_." Isidorus +again says, "Proprie apud veteres prandium vocatum fuisse oinnem militum +cibum ante pugnam;" i.e. "that, properly speaking, amongst our ancestors +every military meal taken before battle was termed _prandium_." According +to Isidore, the proposition is reciprocating, viz., that, as every +_prandium_ was a military meal, so every military meal was called +_prandium_. But, in fact, the reason of that is apparent. Whether in the +camp or the city, the early Romans had probably but one meal in a day. That +is true of many a man amongst ourselves by choice; it is true also, to our +knowledge, of some horse regiments in our service, and may be of all. This +meal was called _coena_, or dinner in the city--_prandium_ in camps. In the +city it would always be tending to one fixed hour. In the camp innumerable +accidents of war would make it very uncertain. On this account it would +be an established rule to celebrate the daily meal at noon, if nothing +hindered; not that a later hour would not have been preferred had the +choice been free; but it was better to have a certainty at a bad hour, than +by waiting for a better hour to make it an uncertainty. For it was a camp +proverb--_Pransus, paratus_; armed with his daily meal, the soldier +is ready for service. It was not, however, that all meals, as Isidore +imagined, were indiscriminately called _prandium_; but that the one sole +meal of the day, by accidents of war, might, and did, revolve through all +hours of the day. + +The first introduction of this military meal into Rome itself, would be +through the honorable pedantry of old centurions, &c., delighting (like the +_Trunnions_, &c., of our navy) to keep up in peaceful life some image or +memorial of their past experience, so wild, so full of peril, excitement, +and romance, as Roman warfare must have been in those ages. Many +non-military people for health's sake, many as an excuse for eating early, +many by way of interposing some refreshment between the stages of forensic +business, would adopt this hurried and informal meal. Many would wish to +see their sons adopting such a meal as a training for foreign service in +particular, and for temperance in general. It would also be maintained by a +solemn and very interesting commemoration of this camp repast in Rome. + +This commemoration, because it has been grossly misunderstood by Salmasius, +(whose error arose from not marking the true point of a particular +antithesis,) and still more, because it is a distinct confirmation of all +we have said as to the military nature of _prandium_, we shall detach from +the series of our illustrations, by placing it in a separate paragraph. + +On a set day the officers of the army were invited by Caesar to a banquet; +it was a circumstance expressly noticed in the invitation, by the proper +officers of the palace, that the banquet was not a "coena," but a +"prandium." What followed, in consequence? Why, that all the guests sate +down in full military accoutrement; whereas, observes the historian, had it +been a coena, the officers would have unbelted their swords; for, he adds, +even in Caesar's presence the officers lay aside their swords. The word +_prandium_, in short, converted the palace into the imperial tent; and +Caesar was no longer a civil emperor and _princeps senatus_, but became a +commander-in-chief amongst a council of his staff, all belted and plumed, +and in full military fig. + +On this principle we come to understand why it is, that, whenever the Latin +poets speak of an army as taking food, the word used is always _prandens_ +and _pransus_; and, when the word used is _prandens_, then always it is an +army that is concerned. Thus Juvenal in a well-known satire-- + + ----"Credimus altos + Desiccasse amnes, epotaque ftumina, Medo _Prandente_." + +Not _coenante_, observe: you might as well talk of an army taking tea +and toast. Nor is that word ever applied to armies. It is true that the +converse is not so rigorously observed: nor ought it, from the explanations +already given. Though no soldier dined, (_coenabat_,) yet the citizen +sometimes adopted the camp usage and took a _prandium_. But generally the +poets use the word merely to mark the time of day. In that most humorous +appeal of Perseus--"Cur quis non prandeat, hoc est?" "Is this a sufficient +reason for losing one's _prandium_?" He was obliged to say _prandium_, +because no exhibitions ever could cause a man to lose his _coenia_, since +none were displayed at a time of day when anybody in Rome would have +attended. Just as, in alluding to a parliamentary speech notoriously +delivered at midnight, an English satirist must have said, Is this a speech +to furnish an argument for leaving one's bed?--not as what stood foremost +in his regard, but as the only thing that _could_ be lost at the time of +night. + +On this principle, also, viz. by going back to the military origin of +_prandium_, we gain the interpretation of all the peculiarities attached to +it; viz.--1, its early hour--2, its being taken in a standing posture--3, +in the open air--4, the humble quality of its materials--bread and biscuit, +(the main articles of military fare.) In all these circumstances of the +meal, we read, most legibly written, the exotic and military character of +the meal. + +Thus we have brought down our Roman friend to noonday, or even one hour +later than noon, and to this moment the poor man has had nothing to eat. +For, supposing him to be not _impransus_, and supposing him _jentasse_ +beside; yet it is evident, (we hope,) that neither one nor the other means +more than what it was often called, viz. [Greek: Bouchismos], or, in +plain English, a mouthful. How long do we intend to keep him waiting? +Reader, he will dine at three, or (supposing dinner put off to the latest) +at four. Dinner was never known to be later than the tenth hour in Rome, +which in summer would be past five; but for a far greater proportion of +days would be near four in Rome, except for one or two of the emperors, +whom the mere business attached to their unhappy station kept sometimes +dinnerless till six. And so entirely was a Roman the creature of ceremony, +that a national mourning would probably have been celebrated, and the "sad +augurs" would have been called in to expiate the prodigy, had the general +dinner lingered beyond four. + +But, meantime, what has our friend been about since perhaps six or seven in +the morning? After paying his little homage to his _patronus_, in what +way has he fought with the great enemy Time since then? Why, reader, this +illustrates one of the most interesting features in the Roman character. +The Roman was the idlest of men. "Man and boy," he was "an idler in the +land." He called himself and his pals "rerum dominos, gentemque togatam;" +_the gentry that wore the toga_. Yes, and a pretty affair that "toga" was. +Just figure to yourself, reader, the picture of a hardworking man, with +horny hands like our hedgers, ditchers, weavers, porters, &c., setting to +work on the highroad in that vast sweeping toga, filling with a strong +gale like the mainsail of a frigate. Conceive the roars with which this +magnificent figure would be received into the bosom of a poor-house +detachment sent out to attack the stones on some new line of road, or a +fatigue party of dustmen sent upon secret service. Had there been nothing +left as a memorial of the Romans but that one relic--their immeasurable +toga,[9]--we should have known that they were born and bred to idleness. In +fact, except in war, the Roman never did anything at all but sun himself. +_Ut se apricaret_ was the final cause of peace in his opinion; in literal +truth, that he might make an _apricot_ of himself. The public rations at +all times supported the poorest inhabitant of Rome if he were a citizen. +Hence it was that Hadrian was so astonished with the spectacle of +Alexandria, "_civitas opulenta, faecunda, in qua nemo vivat otiosus_." Here +first he saw the spectacle of a vast city, second only to Rome, where every +man had something to do; "_podagrosi quod agant habent; habent caeci quod +faciant; ne chiragrici_" (those with gout in the fingers) "_apud eos otiosi +vivunt_." No poor rates levied upon the rest of the world for the benefit +of their own paupers were there distributed _gratis_. The prodigious +spectacle (so it seemed to Hadrian) was exhibited in Alexandria, of all men +earning their bread in the sweat of their brow. In Rome only, (and at one +time in some of the Grecian states,) it was the very meaning of _citizen_ +that he could vote and be idle. + +In these circumstances, where the whole sum of life's duties amounted +to voting, all the business a man _could_ have was to attend the public +assemblies, electioneering, or factious. These, and any judicial trial +(public or private) that might happen to interest him for the persons +concerned, or for the questions, amused him through the morning; that +is, from eight till one. He might also extract some diversion from +the _columnae_, or pillars of certain porticoes to which they pasted +advertisements. These _affiches_ must have been numerous; for all the girls +in Rome who lost a trinket, or a pet bird, or a lap-dog, took this mode of +angling in the great ocean of the public for the missing articles. + +But all this time we take for granted that there were no shows in a course +of exhibition, either the dreadful ones of the amphitheatre, or the +bloodless ones of the circus. If there were, then that became the business +of all Romans; and it was a business which would have occupied him from +daylight until the light began to fail. Here we see another effect from the +scarcity of artificial light amongst the ancients. These magnificent shows +went on by daylight. But how incomparably greater would have been the +splendor by lamp-light! What a gigantic conception! Eighty thousand human +faces all revealed under one blaze of lamp-light! Lord Bacon saw the mighty +advantage of candle-light for the pomps and glories of this world. But the +poverty of the earth was the ultimate cause that the Pagan shows proceeded +by day. Not that the masters of the world, who rained Arabian odors and +perfumed waters of the most costly description from a thousand fountains, +simply to cool the summer heats, would have regarded the expense of light; +cedar and other odorous woods burning upon vast altars, together with every +variety of fragrant torch, would have created light enough to shed a new +day over the distant Adriatic. + +However, as there are no public spectacles, we will suppose, and the courts +or political meetings, (if not closed altogether by superstition,) would at +any rate be closed in the ordinary course by twelve or one o'clock, nothing +remains for him to do, before returning home, except perhaps to attend the +_palaestra_, or some public recitation of a poem written by a friend, but in +any case to attend the public baths. For these the time varied; and many +people have thought it tyrannical in some of the Caesars that they imposed +restraints on the time open for the baths; some, for instance, would not +suffer them to open at all before two, and in any case, if you were later +than four or five in summer, you would have to pay a fine which most +effectually cleaned out the baths of all raff, since it was a sum that +_John Quires_ could not have produced to save his life. But it should be +considered that the emperor was the steward of the public resources for +maintaining the baths in fuel, oil, attendance, repairs. We are prepared +to show, on a fitting occasion, that every fourth person[10] amongst the +citizens bathed daily, and non-citizens, of course, paid an _extra_ sum. +Now the population of Rome was far larger than has ever been hinted at +except by Lipsius. But certain it is, that during the long peace of the +first Caesars, and after the _annonaria prorisio_, (that great pledge of +popularity to a Roman prince,) had been increased by the corn tribute from +the Nile, the Roman population took an immense lurch ahead. The subsequent +increase of baths, whilst no old ones were neglected, proves _that_ +decisively. And as citizenship expanded by means of the easy terms on which +it could be had, so did the bathers multiply. The population of Rome in the +century after Augustus, was far greater than during that era; and this, +still acting as a vortex to the rest of the world, may have been one great +motive with Constantine for "transferring" the capital eastwards; in +reality, for breaking up one monster capital into two of more manageable +dimensions. Two o'clock was often the earliest hour at which the public +baths were opened. But in Martial's time a man could go without blushing +(_salva fronte_) at eleven, though even then two o'clock was the meridian +hour for the great uproar of splashing, and swimming, and "larking" in the +endless baths of endless Rome. + +And now, at last, bathing finished, and the exercises of the _palaestra_, at +half-past two, or three, our friend finds his way home--not again to leave +it for that day. He is now a new man; refreshed, oiled with perfumes, his +dust washed off by hot water, and ready for enjoyment. These were the +things that determined the time for dinner. Had there been no other proof +that _coena_ was the Roman dinner, this is an ample one. Now first the +Roman was fit for dinner, in a condition of luxurious ease; business +ever--that day's load of anxiety laid aside--his _cuticle_, as he delighted +to talk, cleansed and polished--nothing more to do or to think of until +the next morning, he might now go and dine, and get drunk with a safe +conscience. Besides, if he does not get dinner now, when will he get it? +For most demonstrably he has taken nothing yet which comes near in value +to that basin of soup which many of ourselves take at the Roman hour of +bathing. No; we have kept our man fasting as yet. It is to be hoped that +something is coming at last. + +It _does_ come,--dinner, the great meal of "coena;" the meal sacred to +hospitality and genial pleasure, comes now to fill up the rest of the day, +until light fails altogether. + +Many people are of opinion that the Romans only understood what the +capabilities of dinner were. It is certain that they were the first great +people that discovered the true secret and meaning of dinner, the great +office which it fulfils, and which we in England are now so generally +acting on. Barbarous nations,--and none were, in that respect, more +barbarous than our own ancestors,--made this capital blunder; the brutes, +if you asked them what was the use of dinner, what it was meant for, stared +at you and replied--as a horse would reply if you put the same question +about his provender--that it was to give him strength for finishing his +work! Therefore, if you point your telescope back to antiquity about twelve +or one o'clock in the daytime, you will descry our most worthy ancestors +all eating for their very lives, eating as dogs eat, viz. in bodily fear +that some other dog will come and take their dinner away. What swelling of +the veins in the temples! (see Boswell's natural history of Dr. Johnson at +dinner;) what intense and rapid deglutition! what odious clatter of knives +and plates! what silence of the human voice! what gravity! what fury in the +libidinous eyes with which they contemplate the dishes! Positively it was +an _indecent_ spectacle to see Dr. Johnson at dinner. But, above all, what +maniacal haste and hurry, as if the fiend were waiting with red-hot pincers +to lay hold of the hindermost! + +Oh, reader, do you recognize in this abominable picture your respected +ancestors and ours? Excuse us for saying--"What monsters!" We have a right +to call our own ancestors monsters; and, if so, we must have the same right +over yours. For Dr. Southey has shown plainly in the "Doctor," that every +man having four grand parents in the second stage of ascent, (each of whom +having four, therefore,) sixteen in the third, and so on, long before you +get to the Conquest, every man and woman then living in England will be +wanted to make up the sum of my separate ancestors; consequently, you must +take your ancestors out of the very same fund, or (if you are too proud for +that) you must go without ancestors. So that, your ancestors being clearly +mine, I have a right in law to call the whole "kit" of them monsters. _Quod +erat demonstrandum_. Really and upon our honor, it makes one, for the +moment, ashamed of one's descent; one would wish to disinherit one's-self +backwards, and (as Sheridan says in the _Rivals_) to "cut the connection." +Wordsworth has an admirable picture in Peter Bell of "A snug party in a +parlor," removed into _limbus patrum_ for their offences in the flesh:-- + + "Cramming, as they on earth were cramm'd; + All sipping wine, all sipping tea; + But, as you by their faces see, + All silent, and all d--d." + +How well does that one word describe those venerable ancestral +dinners--"All silent!" Contrast this infernal silence of voice and fury +of eye with the "risus amabilis," the festivity, the social kindness, the +music, the wine, the "dulcis insania," of a Roman "coena." We mentioned +four tests for determining what meal is, and what is not, dinner; we may +now add a fifth, viz. the spirit of festal joy and elegant enjoyment, of +anxiety laid aside, and of honorable social pleasure put on like a marriage +garment. + +And what caused the difference between our ancestors and the Romans? Simply +this--the error of interposing dinner in the middle of business, thus +courting all the breezes of angry feeling that may happen to blow from the +business yet to come, instead of finishing, absolutely closing, the account +with this world's troubles before you sit down. That unhappy interpolation +ruined all. Dinner was an ugly little parenthesis between two still uglier +clauses of a tee-totally ugly sentence. Whereas with us, their enlightened +posterity, to whom they have the honor to be ancestors, dinner is a great +reaction. There lies our conception of the matter. It grew out of the very +excess of the evil. When business was moderate, dinner was allowed to +divide and bisect it. When it swelled into that vast strife and agony, as +one may call it, that boils along the tortured streets of modern London or +other capitals, men began to see the necessity of an adequate counterforce +to push against this overwhelming torrent, and thus maintain the +equilibrium. Were it not for the soft relief of a six o'clock dinner, the +gentle manner succeeding to the boisterous hubbub of the day, the soft +glowing lights, the wine, the intellectual conversation, life in London is +now come to such a pass, that in two years all nerves would sink before it. +But for this periodic reaction, the modern business which draws so cruelly +on the brain, and so little on the hands, would overthrow that organ in +all but those of coarse organization. Dinner it is,--meaning by dinner +the whole complexity of attendant circumstances,--which saves the modern +brain-working men from going mad. + +This revolution as to dinner was the greatest in virtue and value ever +accomplished. In fact, those are always the most operative revolutions +which are brought about through social or domestic changes. A nation must +be barbarous, neither could it have much intellectual business, which dined +in the morning. They could not be at ease in the morning. So much must be +granted: every day has its separate _quantum_, its dose (as the doctrinists +of rent phrase it) of anxiety, that could not be digested so soon as noon. +No man will say it. He, therefore, who dined at noon, was willing to sit +down squalid as he was, with his dress unchanged, his cares not washed off. +And what follows from that? Why, that to him, to such a canine or cynical +specimen of the genus _homo_, dinner existed only as a physical event, a +mere animal relief, a mere carnal enjoyment. For what, we demand, did this +fleshly creature differ from the carrion crow, or the kite, or the vulture, +or the cormorant? A French judge, in an action upon a wager, laid it down +in law, that man only had a _bouche_, all other animals had a _gueule_: +only with regard to the horse, in consideration of his beauty, nobility, +use, and in honor of the respect with which man regarded him, by the +courtesy of Christendom, he might be allowed to have a _bouche_, and his +reproach of brutality, if not taken away, might thus be hidden. But surely, +of the rabid animal who is caught dining at noonday, the _homo ferus_, who +affronts the meridian sun like Thyestes and Atreus, by his inhuman meals, +we are, by parity of reason, entitled to say, that he has a "maw," (so has +Milton's Death,) but nothing resembling stomach. And to this vile man a +philosopher would say--"Go away, sir, and come back to me two or three +centuries hence, when you have learned to be a reasonable creature, and to +make that physico-intellectual thing out of dinner which it was meant to +be, and is capable of becoming." In Henry VII.'s time the court dined at +eleven in the forenoon. But even that hour was considered so shockingly +late in the French court, that Louis XII. actually had his gray hairs +brought down with sorrow to the grave, by changing his regular hour of +half-past nine for eleven, in gallantry to his young English bride.[11] He +fell a victim to late hours in the forenoon. In Cromwell's time they dined +at one, P.M. One century and a half had carried them on by two hours. +Doubtless, old cooks and scullions wondered what the world would come to +next. Our French neighbors were in the same predicament. But they far +surpassed us in veneration for the meal. They actually dated from it. +Dinner constituted the great era of the day. _L'apres diner_ is almost the +sole date which you find in Cardinal De Retz's memoirs of the _Fronde_. +Dinner was their _Hegira_--dinner was their _line_ in traversing the ocean +of day: they crossed the equator when they dined. Our English revolution +came next; it made some little difference, we have heard people say, in +Church and State; but its great effects were perceived in dinner. People +now dined at two. So dined Addison for his last thirty years; so dined +Pope, who was coeval with the revolution through his entire life. Precisely +as the rebellion of 1745 arose, did people (but observe, very great people) +advance to four, P.M. Philosophers, who watch the "semina rerum," and the +first symptoms of change, had perceived this alteration singing in the +upper air like a coming storm some little time before. About the year 1740, +Pope complains to a friend of Lady Suffolk's dining so late as four. Young +people may bear those things, he observes; but as to himself, now turned +of fifty, if such doings went on, if Lady Suffolk would adopt such strange +hours, he must really absent himself from Marble Hill. Lady Suffolk had a +right to please herself: he himself loved her. But if she would persist, +all which remained for a decayed poet was respectfully to "cut his stick, +and retire." Whether Pope ever put up with four o'clock dinners again, we +have vainly sought to fathom. Some things advance continuously, like a +flood or a fire, which always make an end of A, eat and digest it, before +they go on to B. Other things advance _per saltum_--they do not silently +cancer their way onwards, but lie as still as a snake after they have made +some notable conquest, then when unobserved they make themselves up "for +mischief," and take a flying bound onwards. Thus advanced dinner, and by +these fits got into the territory of evening. And ever as it made a motion +onwards, it found the nation more civilized, (else the change would not +have been effected,) and raised them to a still higher civilization. The +next relay on that line of road, the next repeating frigate, is Cowper in +his poem on _Conversation_. He speaks of four o'clock as still the elegant +hour for dinner--the hour for the _lautiores_ and the _lepidi homines_. Now +this was written about 1780, or a little earlier; perhaps, therefore, +just one generation after Pope's Lady Suffolk. But then Cowper was living +amongst the rural gentry, not in high life; yet, again, Cowper was nearly +connected by blood with the eminent Whig house of Cowper, and acknowledged +as a _kinsman_. About twenty-five years after this, we may take Oxford as +a good exponent of the national advance. As a magnificent body of +"foundations," endowed by kings, and resorted to by the flower of the +national youth, Oxford is always elegant and even splendid in her habits. +Yet, on the other hand, as a grave seat of learning, and feeling the weight +of her position in the commonwealth, she is slow to move: she is inert as +she should be, having the functions of _resistance_ assigned to her against +the popular instinct of _movement_. Now, in Oxford, about 1804-5, there was +a general move in the dinner hour. Those colleges who dined at three, of +which there were still several, now dined at four; those who had dined +at four, now translated their hour to five. These continued good general +hours, but still amongst the more intellectual orders, till about Waterloo. +After that era, six, which had been somewhat of a gala hour, was promoted +to the fixed station of dinner-time in ordinary; and there perhaps it will +rest through centuries. For a more festal dinner, seven, eight, nine, ten, +have all been in requisition since then; but we have not yet heard of any +man's dining later than 10, P.M., except in that single classical instance +(so well remembered from our father Joe) of an Irishman who must have dined +_much_ later than ten, because his servant protested, when others were +enforcing the dignity of their masters by the lateness of their dinner +hours, that _his_ master dined "to-morrow." + +Were the Romans not as barbarous as our own ancestors at one time? Most +certainly they were; in their primitive ages they took their _coena_ at +noon,[12] _that_ was before they had laid aside their barbarism; before +they shaved: it was during their barbarism, and in consequence of their +barbarism, that they timed their _coena_ thus unseasonably. And this is +made evident by the fact, that, so long as they erred in the hour, they +erred in the attending circumstances. At this period they had no music +at dinner, no festal graces, and no reposing upon sofas. They sate bolt +upright in chairs, and were as grave as our ancestors, as rabid, and +doubtless as furiously in haste. + +With us the revolution has been equally complex. We do not, indeed, adopt +the luxurious attitude of semi-recumbency; our climate makes that less +requisite; and, moreover, the Romans had no knives and forks, which could +scarcely be used in that posture: they ate with their fingers from dishes +already cut up--whence the peculiar force of Seneca's "post quod non sunt +lavandae manus." But exactly in proportion as our dinner has advanced +towards evening, have we and has that advanced in circumstances of +elegance, of taste, of intellectual value." That by itself would be much. +Infinite would be the gain for any people that it had ceased to be +brutal, animal, fleshly; ceased to regard the chief meal of the day as a +ministration only to an animal necessity; that they had raised it to a far +higher standard; associated it with social and humanizing feelings, +with manners, with graces both moral and intellectual; moral in the +self-restraint; intellectual in the fact, notorious to all men, that the +chief arenas for the _easy_ display of intellectual power are at our dinner +tables. But dinner has _now_ even a greater function than this; as the +fervor of our day's business increases, dinner is continually more needed +in its office of a great _reaction_. We repeat that, at this moment, but +for the daily relief of dinner, the brain of all men who mix in the strife +of capitals would be unhinged and thrown off its centre. + +If we should suppose the case of a nation taking three equidistant meals +all of the same material and the same quantity, all milk, for instance, it +would be impossible for Thomas Aquinas himself to say which was or was not +dinner. The case would be that of the Roman _ancile_ which dropped from +the skies; to prevent its ever being stolen, the priests made eleven +_facsimiles_ of it, that the thief, seeing the hopelessness of +distinguishing the true one, might let all alone. And the result was, that, +in the next generation, nobody could point to the true one. But our dinner, +the Roman _coena_, is distinguished from the rest by far more than the +hour; it is distinguished by great functions, and by still greater +capacities. It _is_ most beneficial; it may become more so. + +In saying this, we point to the lighter graces of music, and conversation +_more varied_, by which the Roman _coena_ was chiefly distinguished from +our dinner. We are far from agreeing with Mr. Croly, that the Roman meal +was more "intellectual" than ours. On the contrary, ours is the more +intellectual by much; we have far greater knowledge, far greater means +for making it such. In fact, the fault of our meal is--that it is _too_ +intellectual; of too severe a character; too political; too much tending, +in many hands, to disquisition. Reciprocation of question and answer, +variety of topics, shifting of topics, are points not sufficiently +cultivated. In all else we assent to the following passage from Mr. Croly's +eloquent Salathiel:-- + +"If an ancient Roman could start from his slumber into the midst of +European life, he must look with scorn on its absence of grace, elegance, +and fancy. But it is in its festivity, and most of all in its banquets, +that he would feel the incurable barbarism of the Gothic blood. Contrasted +with the fine displays that made the table of the Roman noble a picture, +and threw over the indulgence of appetite the colors of the imagination, +with what eyes must he contemplate the tasteless and commonplace dress, +the coarse attendants, the meagre ornament, the want of mirth, music, and +intellectual interest--the whole heavy machinery that converts the feast +into the mere drudgery of devouring!" + +Thus far the reader knows already that we dissent violently; and by looking +back he will see a picture of our ancestors at dinner, in which they +rehearse the very part in relation to ourselves that Mr. Croly supposes +all moderns to rehearse in relation to the Romans; but in the rest of the +beautiful description, the positive, though not the comparative part, we +must all concur:-- + +"The guests before me were fifty or sixty splendidly dressed men," +(they were in fact Titus and his staff, then occupied with the siege of +Jerusalem,) "attended by a crowd of domestics, attired with scarcely less +splendor; for no man thought of coming to the banquet in the robes of +ordinary life. The embroidered couches, themselves striking objects, +allowed the ease of position at once delightful in the relaxing climates of +the South, and capable of combining with every grace of the human figure. +At a slight distance, the table loaded with plate glittering under a +profusion of lamps, and surrounded by couches thus covered by rich +draperies, was like a central source of light radiating in broad shafts of +every brilliant hue. The wealth of the patricians, and their intercourse +with the Greeks, made them masters of the first performances of the arts. +Copies of the most famous statues, and groups of sculpture in the precious +metals; trophies of victories; models of temples; were mingled with vases +of flowers and lighted perfumes. Finally, covering and closing all, was +a vast scarlet canopy, which combined the groups beneath to the eye, and +threw the whole into the form that a painter would love." + +Mr. Croly then goes on to insist on the intellectual embellishments of the +Roman dinner; their variety, their grace, their adaptation to a festive +purpose. The truth is, our English imagination, more profound than the +Roman, is also more gloomy, less gay, less _riante_. That accounts for our +want of the gorgeous _trictinium_, with its scarlet draperies, and for many +other differences both to the eye and to the understanding. But both we and +the Romans agree in the main point; we both discovered the true purpose +which dinner might serve,--1, to throw the grace of intellectual enjoyment +over an animal necessity; 2, to relieve and antagonize the toil of brain +incident to high forms of social life. + +Our object has been to point the eye to this fact; to show uses imperfectly +suspected in a recurring accident of life; to show a steady tendency to +that consummation, by holding up, as in a mirror, (together with occasional +glimpses of hidden corners in history,) the corresponding revolution +silently going on in a great people of antiquity. + + + +NOTES. + + +[NOTE 1. + +"_In procinct_."--Milton's translation (somewhere in The Paradise Regained) +of the technical phrase "in procinctu."] + +[NOTE 2. + +"_Geologists know not_."--Observe, reader, we are not at all questioning +the Scriptural Chronology of the earth as a _habitation for man_, for on +the pre-human earth Scripture is silent: not upon the six thousand years +does our doubt revolve, but upon a very different thing, viz. to what age +in man these six thousand years correspond by analogy in a planet. In man +the sixtieth part is a very venerable age. But as to a planet, as to our +little earth, instead of arguing dotage, six thousand years may have +scarcely carried her beyond babyhood. Some people think she is cutting her +first teeth; some think her in her teens. But, seriously, it is a very +interesting problem. Do the sixty centuries of our earth imply youth, +maturity, or dotage?] + +[NOTE 3. + +"_Everywhere the ancients went to bed, like good boys, from seven to nine +o'clock_."--As we are perfectly serious, we must beg the reader, who +fancies any joke in all this, to consider what an immense difference +it must have made to the earth, considered as a steward of her own +resources-whether great nations, in a period when their resources were so +feebly developed, did, or did not, for many centuries, require candles; +and, we may add, fire. The five heads of human expenditure are,--1, Food; +2, Shelter; 3, Clothing; 4, Fuel; 5, Light. All were pitched on a lower +scale in the Pagan era; and the two last were almost banished from ancient +housekeeping. What a great relief this must have been to our good mother +the earth! who, at _first_, was obliged to request of her children that +they would settle round the Mediterranean. She could not even afford them +water, unless they would come and fetch it themselves out of a common tank +or cistern.] + +[NOTE 4. + +"_The manesalutantes_."--There can be no doubt that the _levees_ of modern +princes and ministers have been inherited from this ancient usage of Rome; +one which belonged to Rome republican, as well as Rome imperial. The +fiction in our modern practice is--that we wait upon the _leve_, or rising +of the prince. In France, at one era, this fiction was realized: the +courtiers did really attend the king's dressing. And, as to the queen, even +up to the revolution, Marie Antoinette almost from necessity gave audience +at her toilette.] + +[NOTE 5. + +"_Or again, 'siccum pro biscodo, ut hodie vocamus, sumemus_?'"--It is odd +enough that a scholar so complete as Salmasius, whom nothing ever escapes, +should have overlooked so obvious an alternative as that of _siccus_, +meaning without _opsonium--Scotice_, without "kitchen."] + +[NOTE 6. + +"_The whole amount of relief_;"--from which it appears how grossly Locke +(see his _Education_) was deceived in fancying that Augustus practised any +remarkable abstinence in taking only a bit of bread and a raisin or two, by +way of luncheon. Augustus did no more than most people did; secondly, he +abstained only with a view to dinner; and, thirdly, for this dinner he +never waited longer than up to four o'clock.] + +[NOTE 7. + +"_Mansiones_"--the halts of the Roman legions, the stationary places of +repose which divided the marches, were so called.] + +[NOTE 8. + +"_The everlasting Jew_;"--the German name for what we English call the +Wandering Jew. The German imagination has been most struck with the +duration of the man's life, and his unhappy sanctity from death; the +English by the unrestingness of the man's life, his incapacity of repose.] + +[NOTE 9. + +"_Immeasurable toga_."--It is very true that in the time of Augustus the +_toga_ had disappeared amongst the lowest plebs, and greatly Augustus was +shocked at that spectacle. It is a very curious fact in itself, especially +as expounding the main cause of the civil wars. Mere poverty, and the +absence of bribery from Rome, whilst all popular competition for offices +drooped, can alone explain this remarkable revolution of dress.] + +[NOTE 10. + +That boys in the Praetexta did not bathe in the public baths, is certain; +and most unquestionably that is the meaning of the expression in Juvenal +so much disputed--"Nisi qui nondum _aere_ lavantur." By _aes_ he means the +_ahenum_, a common name for the public bath, which was made of copper; in +our navy, "the _coppers_" is a name for the boilers. "Nobody believes in +such tales except children," is the meaning. This one exclusion cut off +three eighths of the Roman males.] + +[NOTE 11. + +"_His young--English bride_."--The case of an old man, or one reputed +old, marrying a very girlish wife, is always too much for the gravity of +history; and, rather than lose the joke, the historian prudently disguises +the age, which, after all, was little above fifty. And the very persons +who insist on the late dinner as the proximate cause of death, elsewhere +insinuate something else, not so decorously expressed. It is odd that this +amiable prince, so memorable as having been a martyr to late dining at +eleven, A.M., was the same person who is so equally memorable for the noble +answer about a King of France not remembering the wrongs of a Duke of +Orleans.] + +[NOTE 12. + +"_Took their coena at noon_."--And, by the way, in order to show how little +_coena_ had to do with any evening hour (though, in any age but that of our +fathers, four in the afternoon would never have been thought an evening +hour in the sense implied by _supper_,)--the Roman _gourmands_ and _bons +vivants_ continued through the very last ages of Rome to take their coena, +when more than usually sumptuous, at noon. This, indeed, all people did +occasionally, just as we sometimes give a dinner even now so early as four, +P.M., under the name of a _dejeuner a la fourchette_. Those who took their +_coena_ so early as this, were said _de die coenare_--to begin dining from +high day. Just as the line in Horace--"Ut jugulent homines surgunt _de +nocte_ latrones," does not mean that the robbers rise when others are going +to bed, viz., at nightfall, but at midnight. For, says one of the three +best scholars of this earth, _de die, de nocte_, mean from that hour +which was most fully, most intensely day or night, viz., the centre, the +meridian. This one fact is surely a clencher as to the question whether +_coena_ meant dinner or supper.] + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Miscellaneous Essays, by Thomas de Quincey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS *** + +***** This file should be named 10708.txt or 10708.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/7/0/10708/ + +Produced by Charles Franks, Leonard D. 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