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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:34:43 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:34:43 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/10569-0.txt b/10569-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0282cf0 --- /dev/null +++ b/10569-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,469 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10569 *** + +SHIP'S COMPANY + +By W.W. Jacobs + + + +[Illustration: 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe'.] + + +SKILLED ASSISTANCE + + +The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the +gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well +designed to express it. + +"If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the +<i>Silvia</i> is up she's been four or five times," he growled. "He's forty- +seven if he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks +with a stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt +in 'er mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was +paid a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was +here for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And +afore she went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was +listening, that I was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty. + +"She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the +same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as +they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I +am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it +as long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air +in a locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her. + +"Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, +used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice +little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the +pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever +'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e +was foolish enough to think I'd done it. + +"He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is +wife's father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off +the old man was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave +all his money when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry +agin, and, judging from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I +thought it more than likely. + +"'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' +he ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.' + +"''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses. + +"'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you +wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y +thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder a- +doing of it.' + +"It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to +London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, +t'other side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was +on'y there four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get +into trouble. + +"The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the +inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging +toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired +out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a +widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad +cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, +'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun. + +"'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my +missis'll say to me, I don't know.' + +"His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush +'imself all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, +with blue eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up +in a serge suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real +name was Mr. Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took +such a fancy to me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too. + +"'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.' + +"'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know. + +"'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So +long.' + +"He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper +started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving. + +"'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses. + +"'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk +foolishness.' + +"As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im +safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on +the wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and +when she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its +size. She called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please +holding Uncle Dick's 'and, and patting it. + +"I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I +wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better +then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me. + +"'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.' + +"'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?' + +"'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, +and she lives over at Rotherhithe.' + +"'She's very likely married already,' I ses. + +"'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is +sleep. Overlaid, I should say.' + +"He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, +and I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a +sudden and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer. + +"'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses. + +"'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring. + +"'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.' + +"The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.' + +"'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or +better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That +'ud be best, in case 'e found out.' + +"'Found out wot?' ses the skipper. + +"'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses. + +"'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad +to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.' + +"I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in +two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the +arm--arter a little trouble--and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained +my meaning to 'im. + +"'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way +sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd +frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a +living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want +'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.' + +"We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars +there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving +been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew +about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at +seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time. + +"I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the +'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was +in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust +man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last +Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it. + +"'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's +a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?' + +"I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he +said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he +had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told +me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for +calling 'im a liar. + +"'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never +broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than +everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people +you wouldn't believe it.' + +"I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I +told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I +'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead. + +"'It ain't in my line,' he ses. + +"'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses. + +"'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was +to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.' + +"I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far +I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three +times, I gave way. + +"'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.' + +"'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.' + +"'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up. + +"'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; +you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.' + +"We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at +last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so. + +"'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll +give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the +other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.' + +"He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went +on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood. + +"'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be +aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to +pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.' + +"He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we +went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for +seven o'clock. + +"I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to +the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob +on the end of it. + +"'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast +was clear. + +"I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was +a bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was +ready. + +"I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The +deck of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the +cabin singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that +it was singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry. + +"'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and +at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.' + +"'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a +man in you, you'd make it two quids.' + +"He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, +and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out +of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear +all about wot went on arterwards--and I did. + +"Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood +at the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and +all over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough. + +"'Good-evening,' he ses. + +"'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see +anybody?' + +"'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms +round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is +body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes +with.' + +"'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could. + +"'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry--'not ever since +I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working for +'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself +off as a widder--my widder--and going out with another man, I don't know +wot to do with myself.' + +"Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going +to speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as +if 'e couldn't believe his eyes. + +"'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man +to man, wot would you do to 'im?' + +"'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering. + +"'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice +little 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit +for knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust +time, neither. Wot's the matter?' + +"'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick. + +"'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. +'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.' + +"Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor. + +"'I--I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last. + +"'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and +looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?' + +"'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him +off; 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten +years ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of +taking any notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt +ha' dreamt of such a thing.' + +"Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im +with a horrible look on 'is face. + +"''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? +'Ow can you prove it?' + +"'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle +Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.' + +"'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let +you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?' + +"'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up. + +"''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, +if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my +mind wot to do. I can't think--I ain't tasted food for two days. If I +'ad any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.' + +"'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, +in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver. + +"'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and +even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder. + +"Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off +down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im +out o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad +got on. + +"Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!' + +"'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?' + +"'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot +you are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.' + +"I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood +there smiling at each other and paying each other compliments. + +"'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that +bite,' I ses. + +"'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be +helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.' + +"'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might +come back afore you think.' + +"'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry. + +"'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue +ruin.' + +"'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'. + +"'Sartin,' I ses. + +"'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin. + +"I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up +and told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me. + +"'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be +much of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't +be able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?' + +"'Sitting in the "Albion",' I ses, 'arf choking. + +"'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, +on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square +and honest.' + +"I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking +of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we +found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot +he'd do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im +through the skylight. + +"'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a +policeman.' + +"'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, +not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?' + +"'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak. + +"'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry. + +"It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out +'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and +tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?' + +"''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse +the other day.' + +"I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more +trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, +and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and +as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and +look slippy about it.' + +"I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was +no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry. + +"I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go +when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. +It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the +skylight shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would +turn up fust. + +"Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, +and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and +then, going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry. + +"'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.' + +"He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, +and playing with 'is stick. + +"'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.' + +"'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was +just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in +came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick. + +"'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!' + +"Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her +face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her +breath fifty yards away. + +"'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're +the man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?' + +"'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.' + +"'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit. + +"'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought +'e was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it +to 'im.' + +"'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. +Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself--eh?' + +"She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've +been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing +my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I +kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. +Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went +over back'ards in twelve foot of water. + +"Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; +it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; +but as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick--wot married her--they've +been in hot water ever since." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10569 *** diff --git a/10569-h.zip b/10569-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f435d8b --- /dev/null +++ b/10569-h.zip diff --git a/10569-h/023.jpg b/10569-h/023.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0a5040 --- /dev/null +++ b/10569-h/023.jpg diff --git a/10569-h/024.jpg b/10569-h/024.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe1c65e --- /dev/null +++ b/10569-h/024.jpg diff --git a/10569-h/10569-h.htm b/10569-h/10569-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ec95731 --- /dev/null +++ b/10569-h/10569-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1019 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>Ship's Company, Book 9</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<style type="text/css"> +<!-- +body {margin:10%; text-align:justify} +img {border: 0;} +blockquote {font-size:14pt} +P {font-size:14pt} +--> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Skilled Assistance + Ship's Company, Part 9. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: January 1, 2004 [EBook #10569] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKILLED ASSISTANCE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="cover.jpg (139K)" src="cover.jpg" height="899" width="752"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="title.jpg (44K)" src="title.jpg" height="736" width="486"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="frontis.jpg (100K)" src="frontis.jpg" height="743" width="494"> +</center> +<br><br> +<br><br><br><br> + +<center> +<h2>BOOK 9</h2> +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<h2>BOOK 9</h2> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<center> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + +<h4>FROM DRAWINGS BY WILL OWEN</h4></center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + + + +<p><a href="#023">"I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe"</a><br> +<a href="#024">"And next moment I went over back'ards in twelve foot of water"</a></p> + + + + + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br> +<br><br> + + + + +<br><br> + +<a name="c9"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h1> +SKILLED ASSISTANCE +</h1> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the +gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well +designed to express it.</p> + +<p>"If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the +<i>Silvia</i> is up she's been four or five times," he growled. "He's forty- +seven if he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks +with a stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt +in 'er mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was +paid a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was +here for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And +afore she went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was +listening, that I was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty.</p> + +<p>"She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the +same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as +they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I +am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it +as long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air +in a locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her.</p> + +<p>"Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, +used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice +little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the +pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever +'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e +was foolish enough to think I'd done it.</p> + +<p>"He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is +wife's father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off +the old man was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave +all his money when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry +agin, and, judging from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I +thought it more than likely.</p> + +<p>"'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' +he ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.'</p> + +<p>"''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you +wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y +thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder a- +doing of it.'</p> + +<p>"It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to +London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, +t'other side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was +on'y there four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get +into trouble.</p> + +<p>"The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the +inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging +toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired +out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a +widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad +cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, +'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun.</p> + +<p>"'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my +missis'll say to me, I don't know.'</p> + +<p>"His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush +'imself all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, +with blue eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up +in a serge suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real +name was Mr. Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took +such a fancy to me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too.</p> + +<p>"'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.'</p> + +<p>"'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know.</p> + +<p>"'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So +long.'</p> + +<p>"He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper +started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving.</p> + +<p>"'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk +foolishness.'</p> + +<p>"As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im +safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on +the wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and +when she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its +size. She called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please +holding Uncle Dick's 'and, and patting it.</p> + +<p>"I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I +wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better +then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me.</p> + +<p>"'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.'</p> + +<p>"'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?'</p> + +<p>"'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, +and she lives over at Rotherhithe.'</p> + +<p>"'She's very likely married already,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is +sleep. Overlaid, I should say.'</p> + +<p>"He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, +and I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a +sudden and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer.</p> + +<p>"'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring.</p> + +<p>"'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.'</p> + +<p>"The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.'</p> + +<p>"'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or +better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That +'ud be best, in case 'e found out.'</p> + +<p>"'Found out wot?' ses the skipper.</p> + +<p>"'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad +to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.'</p> + +<p>"I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in +two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the +arm—arter a little trouble—and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained +my meaning to 'im.</p> + +<p>"'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way +sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd +frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a +living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want +'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.'</p> + +<p>"We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars +there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving +been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew +about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at +seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time.</p> + +<p>"I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the +'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was +in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust +man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last +Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it.</p> + +<p>"'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's +a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?'</p> + +<p>"I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he +said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he +had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told +me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for +calling 'im a liar.</p> + +<p>"'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never +broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than +everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people +you wouldn't believe it.'</p> + +<p>"I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I +told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I +'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead.</p> + +<p>"'It ain't in my line,' he ses.</p> + +<p>"'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was +to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.'</p> + +<p>"I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far +I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three +times, I gave way.</p> + +<p>"'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.'</p> + +<p>"'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.'</p> + +<p>"'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up.</p> + +<p>"'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; +you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.'</p> + +<p>"We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at +last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so.</p> + +<p>"'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll +give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the +other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.'</p> + +<p>"He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went +on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood.</p> + +<p>"'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be +aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to +pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.'</p> + +<p>"He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we +went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for +seven o'clock.</p> + +<p>"I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to +the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob +on the end of it.</p> + +<p>"'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast +was clear.</p> + +<p>"I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was +a bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was +ready.</p> + +<p>"I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The +deck of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the +cabin singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that +it was singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and +at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.'</p> + +<p>"'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a +man in you, you'd make it two quids.'</p> + +<p>"He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, +and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out +of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear +all about wot went on arterwards—and I did.</p> + +<p>"Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood +at the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and +all over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough.</p> + +<p>"'Good-evening,' he ses.</p> + +<p>"'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see +anybody?'</p> + +<p>"'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms +round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is +body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes +with.'</p> + +<p>"'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could.</p> + +<p>"'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry—'not ever since +I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working for +'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself +off as a widder—my widder—and going out with another man, I don't know +wot to do with myself.'</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going +to speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as +if 'e couldn't believe his eyes.</p> + +<p>"'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man +to man, wot would you do to 'im?'</p> + +<p>"'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering.</p> + +<p>"'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice +little 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit +for knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust +time, neither. Wot's the matter?'</p> + +<p>"'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick.</p> + +<p>"'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. +'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.'</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor.</p> + +<p>"'I—I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last.</p> + +<p>"'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and +looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?'</p> + +<p>"'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him +off; 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten +years ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of +taking any notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt +ha' dreamt of such a thing.'</p> + +<p>"Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im +with a horrible look on 'is face.</p> + +<p>"''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? +'Ow can you prove it?'</p> + +<p>"'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle +Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.'</p> + +<a name="023"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="023.jpg (127K)" src="023.jpg" height="664" width="564"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>"'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let +you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?'</p> + +<p>"'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up.</p> + +<p>"''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, +if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my +mind wot to do. I can't think—I ain't tasted food for two days. If I +'ad any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.'</p> + +<p>"'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, +in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver.</p> + +<p>"'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and +even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off +down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im +out o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad +got on.</p> + +<p>"Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!'</p> + +<p>"'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?'</p> + +<p>"'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot +you are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.'</p> + +<p>"I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood +there smiling at each other and paying each other compliments.</p> + +<p>"'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that +bite,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be +helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.'</p> + +<p>"'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might +come back afore you think.'</p> + +<p>"'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue +ruin.'</p> + +<p>"'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'.</p> + +<p>"'Sartin,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin.</p> + +<p>"I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up +and told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me.</p> + +<p>"'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be +much of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't +be able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?'</p> + +<p>"'Sitting in the "Albion",' I ses, 'arf choking.</p> + +<p>"'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, +on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square +and honest.'</p> + +<p>"I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking +of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we +found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot +he'd do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im +through the skylight.</p> + +<p>"'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a +policeman.'</p> + +<p>"'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, +not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?'</p> + +<p>"'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak.</p> + +<p>"'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out +'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and +tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?'</p> + +<p>"''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse +the other day.'</p> + +<p>"I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more +trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, +and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and +as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and +look slippy about it.'</p> + +<p>"I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was +no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go +when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. +It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the +skylight shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would +turn up fust.</p> + +<p>"Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, +and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and +then, going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.'</p> + +<p>"He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, +and playing with 'is stick.</p> + +<p>"'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.'</p> + +<p>"'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was +just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in +came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick.</p> + +<p>"'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!'</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her +face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her +breath fifty yards away.</p> + +<p>"'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're +the man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?'</p> + +<p>"'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.'</p> + +<p>"'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit.</p> + +<p>"'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought +'e was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it +to 'im.'</p> + +<p>"'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. +Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself—eh?'</p> + +<p>"She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've +been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing +my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I +kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. +Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went +over back'ards in twelve foot of water.</p> + +<a name="024"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="024.jpg (140K)" src="024.jpg" height="824" width="538"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>"Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; +it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; +but as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick—wot married her—they've +been in hot water ever since."</p> + +<br><br> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. Jacobs + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKILLED ASSISTANCE *** + +***** This file should be named 10569-h.htm or 10569-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/5/6/10569/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. 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Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Skilled Assistance + Ship's Company, Part 9. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: January 1, 2004 [EBook #10569] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKILLED ASSISTANCE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + +SHIP'S COMPANY + +By W.W. Jacobs + + + +[Illustration: 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe'.] + + +SKILLED ASSISTANCE + + +The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the +gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well +designed to express it. + +"If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the +<i>Silvia</i> is up she's been four or five times," he growled. "He's forty- +seven if he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks +with a stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt +in 'er mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was +paid a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was +here for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And +afore she went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was +listening, that I was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty. + +"She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the +same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as +they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I +am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it +as long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air +in a locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her. + +"Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, +used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice +little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the +pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever +'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e +was foolish enough to think I'd done it. + +"He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is +wife's father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off +the old man was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave +all his money when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry +agin, and, judging from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I +thought it more than likely. + +"'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' +he ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.' + +"''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses. + +"'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you +wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y +thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder a- +doing of it.' + +"It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to +London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, +t'other side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was +on'y there four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get +into trouble. + +"The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the +inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging +toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired +out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a +widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad +cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, +'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun. + +"'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my +missis'll say to me, I don't know.' + +"His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush +'imself all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, +with blue eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up +in a serge suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real +name was Mr. Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took +such a fancy to me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too. + +"'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.' + +"'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know. + +"'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So +long.' + +"He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper +started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving. + +"'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses. + +"'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk +foolishness.' + +"As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im +safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on +the wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and +when she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its +size. She called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please +holding Uncle Dick's 'and, and patting it. + +"I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I +wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better +then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me. + +"'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.' + +"'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?' + +"'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, +and she lives over at Rotherhithe.' + +"'She's very likely married already,' I ses. + +"'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is +sleep. Overlaid, I should say.' + +"He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, +and I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a +sudden and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer. + +"'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses. + +"'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring. + +"'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.' + +"The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.' + +"'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or +better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That +'ud be best, in case 'e found out.' + +"'Found out wot?' ses the skipper. + +"'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses. + +"'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad +to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.' + +"I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in +two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the +arm--arter a little trouble--and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained +my meaning to 'im. + +"'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way +sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd +frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a +living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want +'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.' + +"We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars +there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving +been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew +about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at +seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time. + +"I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the +'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was +in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust +man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last +Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it. + +"'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's +a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?' + +"I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he +said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he +had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told +me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for +calling 'im a liar. + +"'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never +broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than +everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people +you wouldn't believe it.' + +"I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I +told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I +'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead. + +"'It ain't in my line,' he ses. + +"'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses. + +"'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was +to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.' + +"I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far +I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three +times, I gave way. + +"'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.' + +"'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.' + +"'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up. + +"'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; +you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.' + +"We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at +last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so. + +"'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll +give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the +other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.' + +"He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went +on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood. + +"'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be +aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to +pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.' + +"He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we +went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for +seven o'clock. + +"I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to +the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob +on the end of it. + +"'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast +was clear. + +"I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was +a bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was +ready. + +"I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The +deck of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the +cabin singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that +it was singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry. + +"'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and +at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.' + +"'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a +man in you, you'd make it two quids.' + +"He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, +and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out +of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear +all about wot went on arterwards--and I did. + +"Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood +at the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and +all over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough. + +"'Good-evening,' he ses. + +"'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see +anybody?' + +"'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms +round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is +body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes +with.' + +"'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could. + +"'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry--'not ever since +I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working for +'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself +off as a widder--my widder--and going out with another man, I don't know +wot to do with myself.' + +"Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going +to speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as +if 'e couldn't believe his eyes. + +"'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man +to man, wot would you do to 'im?' + +"'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering. + +"'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice +little 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit +for knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust +time, neither. Wot's the matter?' + +"'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick. + +"'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. +'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.' + +"Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor. + +"'I--I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last. + +"'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and +looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?' + +"'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him +off; 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten +years ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of +taking any notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt +ha' dreamt of such a thing.' + +"Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im +with a horrible look on 'is face. + +"''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? +'Ow can you prove it?' + +"'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle +Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.' + +"'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let +you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?' + +"'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up. + +"''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, +if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my +mind wot to do. I can't think--I ain't tasted food for two days. If I +'ad any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.' + +"'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, +in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver. + +"'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and +even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder. + +"Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off +down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im +out o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad +got on. + +"Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!' + +"'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?' + +"'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot +you are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.' + +"I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood +there smiling at each other and paying each other compliments. + +"'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that +bite,' I ses. + +"'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be +helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.' + +"'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might +come back afore you think.' + +"'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry. + +"'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue +ruin.' + +"'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'. + +"'Sartin,' I ses. + +"'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin. + +"I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up +and told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me. + +"'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be +much of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't +be able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?' + +"'Sitting in the "Albion",' I ses, 'arf choking. + +"'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, +on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square +and honest.' + +"I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking +of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we +found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot +he'd do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im +through the skylight. + +"'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a +policeman.' + +"'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, +not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?' + +"'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak. + +"'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry. + +"It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out +'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and +tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?' + +"''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse +the other day.' + +"I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more +trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, +and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and +as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and +look slippy about it.' + +"I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was +no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry. + +"I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go +when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. +It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the +skylight shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would +turn up fust. + +"Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, +and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and +then, going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry. + +"'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.' + +"He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, +and playing with 'is stick. + +"'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.' + +"'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was +just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in +came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick. + +"'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!' + +"Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her +face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her +breath fifty yards away. + +"'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're +the man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?' + +"'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.' + +"'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit. + +"'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought +'e was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it +to 'im.' + +"'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. +Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself--eh?' + +"She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've +been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing +my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I +kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. +Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went +over back'ards in twelve foot of water. + +"Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; +it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; +but as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick--wot married her--they've +been in hot water ever since." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0897be2 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #10569 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/10569) diff --git a/old/10569-h.zip b/old/10569-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f435d8b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10569-h.zip diff --git a/old/10569-h/023.jpg b/old/10569-h/023.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0a5040 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10569-h/023.jpg diff --git a/old/10569-h/024.jpg b/old/10569-h/024.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe1c65e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10569-h/024.jpg diff --git a/old/10569-h/10569-h.htm b/old/10569-h/10569-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ec95731 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10569-h/10569-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1019 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>Ship's Company, Book 9</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<style type="text/css"> +<!-- +body {margin:10%; text-align:justify} +img {border: 0;} +blockquote {font-size:14pt} +P {font-size:14pt} +--> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Skilled Assistance + Ship's Company, Part 9. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: January 1, 2004 [EBook #10569] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKILLED ASSISTANCE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="cover.jpg (139K)" src="cover.jpg" height="899" width="752"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="title.jpg (44K)" src="title.jpg" height="736" width="486"> +</center> +<br><br> + + +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="frontis.jpg (100K)" src="frontis.jpg" height="743" width="494"> +</center> +<br><br> +<br><br><br><br> + +<center> +<h2>BOOK 9</h2> +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<center> +<h2>BOOK 9</h2> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<center> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + +<h4>FROM DRAWINGS BY WILL OWEN</h4></center> +<br> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + + + +<p><a href="#023">"I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe"</a><br> +<a href="#024">"And next moment I went over back'ards in twelve foot of water"</a></p> + + + + + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + +<br><br> +<br><br> + + + + +<br><br> + +<a name="c9"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<h1> +SKILLED ASSISTANCE +</h1> +</center> +<br> + + +<p>The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the +gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well +designed to express it.</p> + +<p>"If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the +<i>Silvia</i> is up she's been four or five times," he growled. "He's forty- +seven if he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks +with a stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt +in 'er mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was +paid a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was +here for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And +afore she went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was +listening, that I was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty.</p> + +<p>"She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the +same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as +they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I +am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it +as long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air +in a locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her.</p> + +<p>"Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, +used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice +little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the +pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever +'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e +was foolish enough to think I'd done it.</p> + +<p>"He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is +wife's father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off +the old man was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave +all his money when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry +agin, and, judging from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I +thought it more than likely.</p> + +<p>"'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' +he ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.'</p> + +<p>"''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you +wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y +thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder a- +doing of it.'</p> + +<p>"It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to +London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, +t'other side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was +on'y there four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get +into trouble.</p> + +<p>"The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the +inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging +toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired +out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a +widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad +cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, +'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun.</p> + +<p>"'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my +missis'll say to me, I don't know.'</p> + +<p>"His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush +'imself all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, +with blue eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up +in a serge suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real +name was Mr. Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took +such a fancy to me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too.</p> + +<p>"'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.'</p> + +<p>"'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know.</p> + +<p>"'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So +long.'</p> + +<p>"He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper +started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving.</p> + +<p>"'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk +foolishness.'</p> + +<p>"As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im +safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on +the wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and +when she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its +size. She called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please +holding Uncle Dick's 'and, and patting it.</p> + +<p>"I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I +wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better +then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me.</p> + +<p>"'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.'</p> + +<p>"'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?'</p> + +<p>"'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, +and she lives over at Rotherhithe.'</p> + +<p>"'She's very likely married already,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is +sleep. Overlaid, I should say.'</p> + +<p>"He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, +and I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a +sudden and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer.</p> + +<p>"'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring.</p> + +<p>"'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.'</p> + +<p>"The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.'</p> + +<p>"'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or +better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That +'ud be best, in case 'e found out.'</p> + +<p>"'Found out wot?' ses the skipper.</p> + +<p>"'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad +to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.'</p> + +<p>"I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in +two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the +arm—arter a little trouble—and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained +my meaning to 'im.</p> + +<p>"'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way +sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd +frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a +living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want +'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.'</p> + +<p>"We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars +there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving +been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew +about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at +seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time.</p> + +<p>"I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the +'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was +in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust +man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last +Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it.</p> + +<p>"'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's +a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?'</p> + +<p>"I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he +said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he +had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told +me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for +calling 'im a liar.</p> + +<p>"'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never +broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than +everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people +you wouldn't believe it.'</p> + +<p>"I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I +told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I +'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead.</p> + +<p>"'It ain't in my line,' he ses.</p> + +<p>"'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was +to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.'</p> + +<p>"I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far +I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three +times, I gave way.</p> + +<p>"'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.'</p> + +<p>"'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.'</p> + +<p>"'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up.</p> + +<p>"'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; +you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.'</p> + +<p>"We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at +last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so.</p> + +<p>"'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll +give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the +other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.'</p> + +<p>"He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went +on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood.</p> + +<p>"'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be +aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to +pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.'</p> + +<p>"He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we +went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for +seven o'clock.</p> + +<p>"I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to +the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob +on the end of it.</p> + +<p>"'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast +was clear.</p> + +<p>"I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was +a bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was +ready.</p> + +<p>"I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The +deck of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the +cabin singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that +it was singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and +at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.'</p> + +<p>"'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a +man in you, you'd make it two quids.'</p> + +<p>"He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, +and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out +of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear +all about wot went on arterwards—and I did.</p> + +<p>"Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood +at the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and +all over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough.</p> + +<p>"'Good-evening,' he ses.</p> + +<p>"'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see +anybody?'</p> + +<p>"'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms +round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is +body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes +with.'</p> + +<p>"'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could.</p> + +<p>"'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry—'not ever since +I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working for +'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself +off as a widder—my widder—and going out with another man, I don't know +wot to do with myself.'</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going +to speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as +if 'e couldn't believe his eyes.</p> + +<p>"'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man +to man, wot would you do to 'im?'</p> + +<p>"'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering.</p> + +<p>"'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice +little 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit +for knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust +time, neither. Wot's the matter?'</p> + +<p>"'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick.</p> + +<p>"'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. +'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.'</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor.</p> + +<p>"'I—I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last.</p> + +<p>"'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and +looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?'</p> + +<p>"'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him +off; 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten +years ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of +taking any notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt +ha' dreamt of such a thing.'</p> + +<p>"Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im +with a horrible look on 'is face.</p> + +<p>"''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? +'Ow can you prove it?'</p> + +<p>"'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle +Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.'</p> + +<a name="023"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="023.jpg (127K)" src="023.jpg" height="664" width="564"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>"'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let +you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?'</p> + +<p>"'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up.</p> + +<p>"''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, +if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my +mind wot to do. I can't think—I ain't tasted food for two days. If I +'ad any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.'</p> + +<p>"'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, +in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver.</p> + +<p>"'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and +even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off +down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im +out o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad +got on.</p> + +<p>"Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!'</p> + +<p>"'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?'</p> + +<p>"'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot +you are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.'</p> + +<p>"I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood +there smiling at each other and paying each other compliments.</p> + +<p>"'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that +bite,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be +helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.'</p> + +<p>"'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might +come back afore you think.'</p> + +<p>"'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue +ruin.'</p> + +<p>"'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'.</p> + +<p>"'Sartin,' I ses.</p> + +<p>"'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin.</p> + +<p>"I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up +and told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me.</p> + +<p>"'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be +much of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't +be able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?'</p> + +<p>"'Sitting in the "Albion",' I ses, 'arf choking.</p> + +<p>"'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, +on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square +and honest.'</p> + +<p>"I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking +of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we +found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot +he'd do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im +through the skylight.</p> + +<p>"'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a +policeman.'</p> + +<p>"'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, +not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?'</p> + +<p>"'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak.</p> + +<p>"'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out +'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and +tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?'</p> + +<p>"''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse +the other day.'</p> + +<p>"I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more +trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, +and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and +as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and +look slippy about it.'</p> + +<p>"I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was +no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go +when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. +It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the +skylight shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would +turn up fust.</p> + +<p>"Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, +and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and +then, going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry.</p> + +<p>"'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.'</p> + +<p>"He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, +and playing with 'is stick.</p> + +<p>"'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.'</p> + +<p>"'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was +just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in +came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick.</p> + +<p>"'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!'</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her +face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her +breath fifty yards away.</p> + +<p>"'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're +the man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?'</p> + +<p>"'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.'</p> + +<p>"'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit.</p> + +<p>"'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought +'e was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it +to 'im.'</p> + +<p>"'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. +Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself—eh?'</p> + +<p>"She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've +been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing +my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I +kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. +Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went +over back'ards in twelve foot of water.</p> + +<a name="024"></a> +<br><br> +<center> +<img alt="024.jpg (140K)" src="024.jpg" height="824" width="538"> +</center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>"Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; +it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; +but as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick—wot married her—they've +been in hot water ever since."</p> + +<br><br> + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. 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Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Skilled Assistance + Ship's Company, Part 9. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: January 1, 2004 [EBook #10569] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKILLED ASSISTANCE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + +SHIP'S COMPANY + +By W.W. Jacobs + + + +[Illustration: 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe'.] + + +SKILLED ASSISTANCE + + +The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the +gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well +designed to express it. + +"If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the +<i>Silvia</i> is up she's been four or five times," he growled. "He's forty- +seven if he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks +with a stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt +in 'er mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was +paid a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was +here for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And +afore she went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was +listening, that I was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty. + +"She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the +same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as +they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I +am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it +as long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air +in a locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her. + +"Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, +used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice +little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the +pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever +'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e +was foolish enough to think I'd done it. + +"He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is +wife's father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off +the old man was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave +all his money when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry +agin, and, judging from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I +thought it more than likely. + +"'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' +he ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.' + +"''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses. + +"'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you +wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y +thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder a- +doing of it.' + +"It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to +London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, +t'other side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was +on'y there four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get +into trouble. + +"The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the +inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging +toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired +out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a +widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad +cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, +'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun. + +"'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my +missis'll say to me, I don't know.' + +"His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush +'imself all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, +with blue eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up +in a serge suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real +name was Mr. Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took +such a fancy to me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too. + +"'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.' + +"'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know. + +"'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So +long.' + +"He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper +started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving. + +"'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses. + +"'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk +foolishness.' + +"As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im +safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on +the wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and +when she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its +size. She called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please +holding Uncle Dick's 'and, and patting it. + +"I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I +wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better +then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me. + +"'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.' + +"'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?' + +"'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, +and she lives over at Rotherhithe.' + +"'She's very likely married already,' I ses. + +"'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is +sleep. Overlaid, I should say.' + +"He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, +and I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a +sudden and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer. + +"'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses. + +"'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring. + +"'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.' + +"The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.' + +"'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or +better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That +'ud be best, in case 'e found out.' + +"'Found out wot?' ses the skipper. + +"'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses. + +"'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad +to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.' + +"I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in +two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the +arm--arter a little trouble--and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained +my meaning to 'im. + +"'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way +sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd +frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a +living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want +'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.' + +"We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars +there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving +been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew +about Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at +seven o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time. + +"I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the +'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was +in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust +man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last +Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it. + +"'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's +a honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?' + +"I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he +said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he +had 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told +me about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for +calling 'im a liar. + +"'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never +broke my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than +everybody can say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people +you wouldn't believe it.' + +"I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I +told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I +'ad finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead. + +"'It ain't in my line,' he ses. + +"'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses. + +"'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was +to make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.' + +"I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far +I could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three +times, I gave way. + +"'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.' + +"'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.' + +"'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up. + +"'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; +you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.' + +"We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at +last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so. + +"'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll +give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the +other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.' + +"He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went +on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood. + +"'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be +aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to +pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.' + +"He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we +went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for +seven o'clock. + +"I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to +the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob +on the end of it. + +"'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast +was clear. + +"I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was +a bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was +ready. + +"I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The +deck of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the +cabin singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that +it was singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry. + +"'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and +at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.' + +"'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a +man in you, you'd make it two quids.' + +"He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, +and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out +of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear +all about wot went on arterwards--and I did. + +"Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood +at the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and +all over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough. + +"'Good-evening,' he ses. + +"'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see +anybody?' + +"'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms +round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is +body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes +with.' + +"'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could. + +"'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry--'not ever since +I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working for +'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself +off as a widder--my widder--and going out with another man, I don't know +wot to do with myself.' + +"Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going +to speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as +if 'e couldn't believe his eyes. + +"'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man +to man, wot would you do to 'im?' + +"'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering. + +"'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice +little 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit +for knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust +time, neither. Wot's the matter?' + +"'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick. + +"'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. +'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.' + +"Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor. + +"'I--I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last. + +"'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and +looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?' + +"'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him +off; 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten +years ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of +taking any notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt +ha' dreamt of such a thing.' + +"Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im +with a horrible look on 'is face. + +"''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? +'Ow can you prove it?' + +"'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle +Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.' + +"'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let +you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?' + +"'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up. + +"''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, +if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my +mind wot to do. I can't think--I ain't tasted food for two days. If I +'ad any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.' + +"'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, +in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver. + +"'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and +even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder. + +"Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off +down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im +out o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad +got on. + +"Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!' + +"'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?' + +"'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot +you are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.' + +"I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood +there smiling at each other and paying each other compliments. + +"'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that +bite,' I ses. + +"'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be +helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.' + +"'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might +come back afore you think.' + +"'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry. + +"'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue +ruin.' + +"'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'. + +"'Sartin,' I ses. + +"'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin. + +"I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up +and told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me. + +"'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be +much of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't +be able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?' + +"'Sitting in the "Albion",' I ses, 'arf choking. + +"'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, +on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square +and honest.' + +"I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking +of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we +found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot +he'd do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im +through the skylight. + +"'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a +policeman.' + +"'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, +not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?' + +"'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak. + +"'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry. + +"It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out +'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and +tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?' + +"''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse +the other day.' + +"I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more +trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, +and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and +as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and +look slippy about it.' + +"I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was +no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry. + +"I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go +when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. +It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the +skylight shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would +turn up fust. + +"Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, +and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and +then, going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry. + +"'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.' + +"He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, +and playing with 'is stick. + +"'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.' + +"'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was +just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in +came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick. + +"'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!' + +"Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her +face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her +breath fifty yards away. + +"'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're +the man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?' + +"'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.' + +"'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit. + +"'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought +'e was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it +to 'im.' + +"'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. +Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself--eh?' + +"She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've +been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing +my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I +kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. +Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went +over back'ards in twelve foot of water. + +"Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; +it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; +but as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick--wot married her--they've +been in hot water ever since." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Skilled Assistance, by W.W. 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